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Description
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ToC In Search of the Tasmanian Devil by Jenna Goldberg (p24); Perfectly Pretty Piper Perabo by Andy Wright (p30); Mother’s Day Wrap-Up by Gretchen Lee and Beren deMotier (p48); On the Cover [Katherine Moennig] Shane, Shane, Shane by Sarah Warn (p52); Author Brenda Brooks: Send Me an Angel by Allison Steinberg (p60); Going to the Chapel: New Lesbian Wedding - Confessions of a DIY Bride by Diane Anderson-Minshall (p34); If You Legalize it, They Will Come by Margaret Webb (p40); You Don’t Have to Wear a Dress by Diane Anderson-Minshall (p42); Portraits of Lesbian Marriages by Vanessa Barrington and Kathy Belge (p44); Going to the Courthouse for same-sex marriage rights by Malinda Lo. Cover Photograph by Max Vadukal/Showtime.
See all items with this value
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issue
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4
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Date Issued
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May 2006
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol16_No4_May-2006_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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Let's Party Like It's 2006
It's our anniversary this month, and after
16 years of publishing the best-selling
lesbian magazine in America, CURVE'S
authority on lesbian life extends far beyond
the magazine's pages. We've produced or
sponsored some of the country's hottest lesbian events, including Girl Bar Dinah Shore
Weekend, AquaGirl in Miami Beach, Girls
in Wonderland at Gay Day Orlando,
women's parties at the March on
Washington, and L Word premieres. If
you've been to any of our parties, you know
the energy is electrifying.
You - our readers - often ask us to
bring the party (and the women) to your
town. This year we're pumping it up, producing two mega events for women that
incorporate local and national lesbian
party producers and benefit nonprofit
partners. Live music and special guest performers offer opportunities to meet some
of the fabulous women we've profiled in
the magazine. So, mark your calendar and
come celebrate with us at the coolest
women's parties in the country. Here's a
bit more about some of the special celebrations we have planned:
Frances R. Stevens
Publisher / Editor in Chief
If you've ever been to
one of our parties, you
know the energy is
downright electrifying.
Curve
San Francisco Office
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, California 94103
Phone (415) 863-6538 Facsimile (415) 863-1609
Advertising Sales (415) 863-6538 or (212) 446-6700
New York City Advertising Office (212) 446-6700
Subscription Inquiries (818) 760-8983
Advertising E-mail ADVERTISING@CURVEMAG.COM
Editorial E-mail EDITOR@CURVEMAG.COM
Letters to the Editor E-mail LETIERS@CURVEMAG.COM
Publisher/Editor in Chief
Frances R. Stevens
Executive Editor
Associate Editor
Book Review Editor
Music Review Editor
Contributing Editors
Copy Chief
Proofreader
Editorial Assistants
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Malinda Lo
Rachel Pepper
Margaret Coble
Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gretchen Lee, Sarah Warn
Laura K. Cucullu
EmmieQ. Lam
Janel M. Lynch, Ariane Conrad
Art Director
Photography Editor
Photo Assistant
Production Manager
Kas Neteler
Nathalie Peterson
Marcy Mendelson
Ondine Kilker
Web Producer
Nikki Woelk
Web Forums Administrator Julie Houghton
Web Forums Moderators
Chris Alex, Wendy Armitage, Danielle
Ceribo, Autumn Congrove, Annie
Daniels, Susan Hinson, Ally Miller, Eliza
Rhee, Yolanda Sanchez
Catalog Manager
Holly DeMaagd
Advertising
Danie Belfield, Sara Jane Keskula
(415) 863-6538
Rivendell Media
(212) 242-6863
Contributing Writers
Vanessa Barrington, Kathy Beige, Gina
Daggett, Beren deMotier, Michele Fisher,
Lauren Marie Fleming, Jenna Goldberg,
Kate Lacey, Karlyn Lotney, Aefa
Mulholland, Ariane Resnick, Lori Selke,
Allison Steinberg, Jocelyn Voo, Margaret
Webb, Andy Wright
Atlanta Pride (June 23-25): Peach, the official Atlanta Pride women's party, will heat
up the town on June 24, right after Pride and the Dyke March. Why Peach? It's sweet,
juicy, sexy Atlanta personified. CuRVEjoins forces with Atlanta Pride and Ultra and
Pandora Events (producers of AquaGirl and Girls in Wonderland) to host the most
spectacular women's party the South has ever seen. At the Sheraton Midtown Atlanta
Hotel at Colony Square, the Official Women's Host Hotel, we'll kick off the weekend
with a welcome cocktail reception on June 22. Peach will take place at the Loft, a
multi-level dance space near the Piedmont Park Pride celebrations, complete with live
entertainment, funky women DJs and hot South Beach dancers.
Gay Games VII (July 15-22): This July, thousands of athletes and spectators will conwill team
verge in Chicago for the Gay Games Sports and Cultural Festival. CURVE
up with Chicago's premiere lesbian producers, Chix Mix Productions, to present
three huge women's dance parties: the Black Bra Internationale, Score and the closing party, Adrenaline. Each party will celebrate women athletes and feature the
hottest dancers from Los Angeles' Girl Bar - plus celebrities you won't want to miss.
I can tell you that we're pulling out all the stops this year. Visit curvemag.com and
read the magazine's ads for the full scoop. I hope to see you shakin' your stuff on
the dance floor. It'll be a sizzling summer you won't want to miss.
Katherine Streeter
Contributing Illustrator
Contributing Photographers Sherry Rayo Barnett, Rodger
Benjamins, Phyllis Christopher, Andrei
Contiu, Dominik Damaziak, Lydia
Daniller, Sam Emerson, Justin Field,
Monique Frumberg, Sophia Hanrzes,
Liane Hentscher, Leni Johnson, Julie
Kandyba, Tamrov Konstantin, Lorene
Hiris Liu, Shari MacDonald, Elizabeth
McGurr, Deborah Metsh, Maggie
Parker, George Pimentel, Shae Rocco,
R. Sebree, Isabel Snyder, Karen Squires,
Max Vadukal, Evans Ward, Misty
Winter, Karen Zarker
VOLUME 16 ISSUE 4 CURVE (ISSN
1087-867X)
IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY
(EXCEPT FOR JANUARY AND JULY) BY OUTSPOKEN ENTERPRISES, INC., 1550
SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94103.
SUBSCRIPTION PRICE:
BRYANT ST., STE. 510,
$31.60/YEAR,
$43.60
CANADIAN (U.S. FUNDS ONLY) AND $44 INTERNATIONAL
(U.S. FUNDS ONLY). RETURNED CHECKS WILL BE ASSESSED A $25 SURCHARGE.
AND AT ADDITIONAL
PERIODICALSPOSTAGEPAID AT SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94114
CONTENTS OF CURVE MAGAZINE MAY NOT
MAILING OFflCES (USPS 0010-355).
BE REPRODUCEDIN ANY MANNER, EITHER WHOLE OR IN PART, WITHOUT WRITTEN
PERMISSIONFROM THE PUBLISHER. PUBLICATIONOF THE NAME OR PHOTOGRAPHOF
ANY PERSONS OR ORGANIZATIONSAPPEARING,ADVERTISINGOR LISTING IN CURVE
MAY NOT BE TAKEN AS AN INDICATION OF THE SEXUAL ORIENTATION OF THAT
INDIVIDUAL OR GROUP UNLESS SPECIACALLYSTATED. CURVE WELCOMES LETTERS,
QUERIES, UNSOLICITED MANUSCRIPTS AND ARTWORK. INCLUOE SASE FOR
ONLY SIGNIAES INSUFflCIENT MATERIALS.
RESPONSE. I.JI.CKOF ANY REPRESENTATION
SUBMISSIONS CANNOT BE RETURNED UNLESS A SELF-AODRESSED STAMPED
ENVELOPEIS INCLUDED. No RESPONSIBILITYIS ASSUMED FOR LOSS OR DAMAGES.
THE CONTENTS 00 NOT NECESSARILYREPRESENTTHE OPINIONS OF THE EDITOR,
UNLESS SPECIFICALLY STATED. ALL MAGAZINES
SENT DISCREETLY.
SUbscrlptlonInquiries: PLEASE WRITE TO CURVE, 1550 BRYANT STREET,
SUITE 510,
SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94103,
E-MAIL SHop@cuRVEMAG.COM, OR
CALL (818)
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Postmaster:SEND CANADIANADDRESSCHANGESTO:
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CURVE,PO Box17138, N.
SEND U.S. ADDRESSCHANGES
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CA 91615-7138.
2 MAY 2006
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VISIT THE TIRE EXPERTS WHEREVER YOU SEE THE BRIDGESTONE
"8"
May 2006
Volume
16#4
24 IN SEARCH
OFTHETASMANIAN
DEVIL
by Jenna Goldberg
From cartoon lore to down under delights,
two women discover Tasmania.
30 PERFECRY
PRETTY
PIPERPERABO
by Andy Wright
The girl from Coyote Ugly and Lost & Delirious,
Piper Perabo is back in a new lesbian film.
48 MOTHER'S
DAYWRAP-UP
by Gretchen Lee and Beren deMotier
New custody battles are taking lesbian moms
into the courts. Plus: Having a toddler makes
"the talk" come easy.
52 SHANE,SHANE,SHANE
by Sarah Warn
Yeah, baby, that's Shane on our cover.
What else do we need to say?
G'
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60 SENDMEANANGEL
by Allison Steinberg
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34 CONFESSIONS
OFA
DIVBRIDE
by Diane Anderson-Minshall
From dresses to swag to lesbian
wedding photographers, creating
the perfect affair for under five
grand is easy.
40 IF YOULEGALIZE
IT,THEY
WILLCOME
by Margaret Webb
Getting hitched has never been
easier, now that it's legal in
Canada.
42 YOUDON'THAVETO
WEARA DRESS
by Diane Anderson-Minshall
Face it, we don't all want to
wear princess dresses. Sexy
options for the rest of us.
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44 PORTRAITS
OFLESBIAN
MARRIAGES
by Vanessa Barrington and
Kathy Beige
Conductors Kathleen McGuire
and Stephanie Smith know
how to make a marriage work.
Plus: Wedding day memories
from two lesbian celebrity
couples.
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46 GOINGTOTHECOURTHOUSE
by Malinda Lo
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A primer on the battle for
same-sex marriage rights in the
United States. Plus: resources to
help you protect your partnership
and a guide to what's legal where.
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4 MAY 2006
COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY MAX VADUKAL/SHOWTIME
FAST
&EASY
GUARANTE
Saving
is simple
whenyoubuild
yourowncustom,
gay-friendly
vacationfor a greatpriceat
Orbitz- it's thefaster,easier
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s
8 CONTRIBUTORS
They laughed, they cried,
they wrote these articles.
18 OPENSTUDIO
Gale Hart makes the personal political.
10 LETTERS
Finally, tell us how you
really feel about us.
20 LIPSTICK
& DIPSTICK
Is she a crazy cat lady in
the making?
12 OUTIN FRONT
21 ASKFAIRYBUTCH
Sarah Zupko shows us
why pop matters.
Teenage angst in Montana.
14 CURVATURES
Gosh Lindsay Lohan is
cute. So is Jennifer Beals.
22 LESBOFILE
Jeans for girls like us, a
cute lesbian cobbler, an L
Word perfume and the
passing of another pioneer.
22 SHESAID,SHESAID
Brokeback wife and the
O.C.'s semi-lez.
62 SAPPHIC
SCREEN
68 DYKEDRAMA
Wire in the Blood gets a
pick while Bedwin Hacker
takes us to North Africa.
Plus: Director
Deborah
Garcia Koons on food.
Here come the lesbian
brides. Now where the hell
is the drama?
70 BROWNWORTH
64 IN THESTACKS
We need the right to choose
marriage.
Cartoonist Alison Bechdel
and Michelle Tea have new
novels. And get vegan with
Isa Chandra Moscowitz.
66 MUSICWATCH
Around the world with
women who can sing out.
Plus: girl next door Stacie
Rose.
71 TECHGIRL
Can't fit into those board
shorts yet? Fitness gadgets
that can help you suck it up.
80 TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
Minnesota film festival
matron Lisa Ganser.
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6 MAY 2006
Freedom
started
here.
SPECIALEVENTS
Philadelphia
Gay& Lesbian
TheatreFestival
June15th- July2nd
We invite you to have a great time in the place where all
people were given the freedom to live life as they choose.
We've got historical firsts, exciting cultural attractions and
RECEIVEYOUR FREE
"GAY WELCOME KIT"
WHEN YOU BOOKYOUR
Sisters nightclub where you'll always feel welcome. Make
PHilADElPHiA
FREEDOM
your plans to visit Philadelphia and the Countryside®today.
HOTELPACKAGE
scores of lesbian-friendly restaurants, theaters, shops and
gophila.com/gay
~.
PHILLY'S MORE•
fl,lt,IWHENYOU
PhiladelphiaGay
Tourism Caucus
ourismMarl<cting
l'ltilud1lua
w
tJicC01n1try.side
SLEEP
OVER
contributors
"I WISH MY PARENTS
• Needto get away?
We havethe perfectplace.
Actually,we have9,000.
Ourguidesare packedwith
LGBTaccommodations,
bars,
bookstores,
cafes& more,
acrossthe US,Canada,
Europe& beyond.
had named me Madonna,"
muses Andy Wright, who
wonders if Piper Perabo's
parents' choice to name
their daughter after actor
Piper Laurie set her on her
career path. "I have to
admit, I'm annoyed that
Piper's alumni paper - she
went to Ohio State - has
already snagged the headline 'Piping Hot."' Wright's
interview with the actor
begins on page 30. When
not busy quizzing actors
about their thoughts on
"crossing over," Wright
busies herself listening to
NPR, sewing stuffed animals and perfecting her
taxidermy skills. Wright,
who resides in the Bay area
and works as a freelance
writer/office drone, hopes
to one day become an independently wealthy socialite.
She is currently working on
a video project exploring
female dialogue in popular
romantic films through the
re-editing of Casablanca
and When Harry Met Sally.
"WRITING 'LESBOFILE'
or log on
WWW.
8 MAY 2006
is probably one of the most
cathartic - and hilarious professional moves I've made
to date," says Jocelyn Voo, a
regular CuRVEcontributor
who has also written for
Ladies' Home Journal and
FHM. "But I've come to
terms with it: Hello, my
name is Jocelyn, and I am an
avid follower of really trashy,
really awesome media
gossip." A UC Berkeley
graduate and California
transplant who now dodges
taxicabs on the streets of
Manhattan, Voo has a soft
spot for surfer slang and
spends far too much time
indulging her love-hate relationship with the Internet.
She also entertains grand
plans of one day becoming a
D-list celebrity so she can do
snarky commentary on
VHl. In the meantime, she
enjoys words and people
and food and spontaneity
and laughter and lunacy. But
mostly laughter and lunacy.
"MY JOURNALISTIC
career has its roots back in
Ireland in 1995, when two
friends and I launched an
alternative music magazine.
Although we sold every
copy, we made no money
whatsoever in our yearlong
endeavor. Getting promotional CDs in the mail was
our biggest thrill - and
our only pay," says Aefa
Mulholland, who interviewed New Jersey singer
Stacie Rose for this issue
(see page 67). "I've worked
in many unlikely corners of
journalism since then, but
the excitement of getting a
new record in the mail has
never faded." In addition to
contributing to CURVE,
Mulholland has recently
been published in the
Miami Herald and on
PlanetOut.com, Gay.com
and TripAdvisor.com. She
works mostly as a travel
writer and is currently puzzling over what to pack for
upcoming trips to Arizona,
New Mexico, Texas and the
south of France.
Congrats, Jen!
CURVE
CONTRIBUTOR
JENNIFER
CORDAY
doesn't only know how to wield a pen - she's also a musician, and she and her band were recently nominated for
Best Pop Rock Band at the first annual Southern California
Music Awards. "We performed live
at the event," Corday says, "and got
a great response from the fans. It
was an honor to be nominated~
Though Corday didn't take home
this award, she scored three wins
at last year's Orange County Music
Awards - Best Live Band, Best
Alternative Band and Best Solo
Female - to become the first ever three-time winner.
Corday is currently working on her fourth studio record,
which will be released this summer. For more info on her
upcoming tour, visit corday.net.
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19 Passengerferry service resumes
between Bostonand Ptown
20 PBGCasinoNight
20-21 MonumentalYardSale
26-29 Memorial DayWeekend
JUNE
1 Annual Chef'sTable
10 HelpingOurWomen:By the Sea
Bike Trek
14-18ProvincetownInternationalFilm
Festival
17 TennisFor Life Tournament
22 A ProvincetownTastingat The
ProvincetownTheater
22-25 PortugueseFestival
JULY
1-7 4th of July Week-parties/events
4 Fourthof July Paradeand
Fireworks
9 ProvincetownArt Associationand
Museum:Secret GardenTour
25 FamilySunsetCampfireand Singalong at Race Point Beach
7/29-8/5 11thAnnual FamilyPrideWeek
AUGUST
5-6 Pan-MassachusettsChallenge
11-13SecondAnnual Provincetown
Jazz Festival
Call888-361-5211
for yourGuideto Gay& LesbianProvincetown.
Visit us at:
WNW.Ptown.org
14-19CarnivalWeek
17 CarnivalParade
(starts in EastEndat 3PM)
letters
What's up With Ellen?
Happy 25th!
I received my issue of CURVEthis week and
was pleasantly surprised to see that a photo
from the New York City Anti-Violence
Project's ninth annual Courage Awards was
included in the Scene section (Vol. 16, #2).
Thank you so much! The Anti-Violence
Project is the nation's largest crime-victim
service agency for the lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual and HIV-affected communities, and we kicked off our 25th anniversary
celebration with the 2005 Courage Awards.
Having this photo placed in a nationally distributed magazine means a tremendous
amount to us. Thank you!
- Patricia Rios, New York City Gay &
Lesbian Anti-Violence Project
Secret Daniela Admirer
I just wanted to tell you how thrilled I was to
see Daniela Sea on your cover (Vol. 16, #1) !
My heart just skipped a beat and I swear I
stopped breathing for a moment. She is
incredibly beautiful, and
your interview showed
how she's beautiful on the
inside as well. I'm in the
throes of a mad crush on
her, and if she's ever written off The L Word I don't
know what I'll do! Thanks
again for great coverage.
And please keep the great
pies of her coming - I
cannot get enough!
- Anonymous
Fan of Fairy Butch
I have had the wonderful
timing of visiting my little sister this week. I
went to your CURVEparty and enjoyed it
immensely. It was pleasingly intimate and
colorful. San Francisco women are such a
delight, sharing in their diversity. If possible,
I would like to know more about your sexy
emcee and if there is a way to look this butch
up. I would like to have her emcee some of
our Los Angeles gatherings if possible.
- Alice Olson, via e-mail
Editors note: We're so glad you enjoyed
our January issue release party in San
Francisco! And we're so pleased you got a
kick out of Fairy Butch, our longtime advice
columnist and the emcee at the event. You
can look her up at fairybutch.com.
10 MAY 2006
I would like to issue a warning to my out
and proud lesbian and bisexual sisters: Don't
go see a taping of The Ellen DeGeneres
Show while looking like a dyke.
I've seen tapings of talk shows before, and
I know they put people with certain looks up
front ... but to intentionally put your fan base
(read: lesbians) in the farthest reaches of the
studio and out of the sight of cameras ... is
seriously uncool.
We only drove for two hours to see the
taping, but I feel sorry for the women who
came from Indiana, Ohio, New York and
Florida to see their favorite lesbian talk show
host, just to be dissed and placed in the
Riffraff Room for no better reason than someone forgot to tell them to hide their sexuality.
So for those of you who happen to be lesbians
and want to see The Ellen DeGeneres Show,
be sure to wear a nice dress and for heaven's
sake, don't forget the lipstick!
wiser, I once again attempted to find community and affirmation in a publication
made for lesbians.
While critical analysis of the "heroin
chic" of the '90s has helped to make bellies
and thighs a comeback for images of femme
girls in the less-mainstream media ... there is
still a missing link. We are still feeding into
the decidedly hetero and anti-woman gender
roles of society.
Even more painful than the lack of
empowering imagery is the myth that lesbian
culture wholly accepts all shapes and sizes.
(If fat is sexy and I can't seem to find anyone,
there must be something really wrong with
me!) When am I going to open up your pages
and see a 260-pound, low-maintenance (no
makeup and hairy armpits!) femme lounging
comfortably on your pages? I ask that, as a
mirror and influential part of lesbian culture,
you become more aware of the images you
are asking readers to emulate.
- EJ, Portland, Maine
- Karyn Mucklow, San Diego
Who Was That Jeweler?
I am a home subscriber
and recall reading an
interesting profile about a
celebrity stylist-turnedjewelry designer several
months ago. She makes
really unique bands with
specially chosen stones
inside the bands .... [I] ...
wondered if you might be
able to send me her name?
By the way, you all are
doing a great job. I love
pulling out a new issue
from my mailbox!
- Alison Subin, San Diego
Editor's note: That was jeweler Holly
Riddel, whom we profiled in our October
200 5 issue ("Top Ten Reasons We Love
Holly Riddel," Vol. IJ, #6). Check out her
line of unique rings at hollyriddel.com.
Fat Is Sexy
I have a favor to ask of you. When I came
out in my violently homophobic high school,
I tried to find solace in the pages of your
magazine. After many failed attempts, I realized that I found reading CURVEjust as isolating as any other publication. Eight years
later and, one can only hope, somewhat
Constructive Criticism
I recognize the limitations of being based in
California - but it's really your responsibility as journalists to break out of provincialism. Almost every single one of your alleged
"power couples" ("Top 10 Lesbian Power
Couples," Vol. 15, #7) was based on the
West Coast and tied to the margins of the
film industry and, too often, to POWER UP.
How much payola are they giving you guys?
It was hilarious that the contribution made
by the token Midwestern couple was that
they owned a failed winery. Really, is that
the best you could do? As for the Northeast,
how disappointing. Of all the many, many
gorgeous, successful, powerful and empowered lesbian couples in Washington, Boston
and New York, you had to choose Cynthia
Nixon and What's-Her- ame, who have
done ... um ... what powerful thing did they
do again? Managed to not break up? Next
time, take a few minutes to visit the Victory
Fund's Web site and learn about awesome
lesbians in office and their powerful partners, who use their hard-earned status and
privilege to change the world, not make
crashingly lame lesbian movies you could
not pay me or my friends to see.
- Molly Dahl, Washington
Reaching Out
I am a 23-year-old, lesbian, African-American
woman. All my life I have felt so alone in my
mind, heart and soul. I thought by finally
being true to myself, by coming out last year,
things would change. But they haven't. I still
feel so alone, and it makes me feel my existence doesn't mean anything. I wouldn't even
be telling anyone this if I didn't hear this song
by Shivaree, "I Will Go Quietly," on The L
Word season three soundtrack. Just by hearing her voice and her words she made me feel
that somewhere, someone just might understand me.
- Nacome, Fairfield, Calif.
Editor's note: Nacome, hang in there, girl.
You are not alone. It may take awhile to find
your place in the universe - and the lesbian
community - but I guarantee that there are
thousands of other lesbians who once felt
like you and now have thrilling, fulfilling
and meaningful lives. Keep us posted!
Whom Should We Support?
I luuuv your magazine! Is there a list that
ranks gay and lesbian charities and organizations by how they spend their money?
This would help many of us who are struggling to figure out whom to give our money
to. Thanks.
- Kelly, Baltimore
Editor's note: You can start with the
Funders for Lesbian and Gay Issues, a
national network that serves as a central
resource for philanthropy in the LGBT community. Their online database, located at
www. workinggroup.
orgllgbtfunders/
database.htm, allows you to search by state,
organization name, issue areas and populations served.
Corrections
On the February 2006 (Vol. 16, #1) "Scene"
page, photo No. 8 was incorrectly identified.
The delegates were in fact from Toronto and
Vancouver. In our April 2006 (Vol. 16, #3)
article "Dykes Livin' Large," we omitted the
Web site URL for dykesinthecity; visit their
online shop at <lite.net.CURVE
regrets the error
and omission.
Got Something on Your Mind?
E-mail letters@curvemag.com; write to
CURVELetters, 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510,
San Francisco, CA 94103; or fax to (415)
863-1609. Letters may be
curve
11
12 MAY 2006
In Her Shoes
SARA
MCINTOSH
WAS
LIVING
A SELF-SUFFICIENT
"back to the land" lifestyle in the '70s, growing her own food and
making her own furniture, when her shoes fell apart.
"I needed shoes and couldn't find what I wanted in stores, so I
decided to make my own," she says over the phone from Santa Fe.
"I took apart a pair that was falling apart and made a pattern. The
business grew organically from there. I made them for family and
friends. The biggest surprise is that I'm still doing it 32 years later."
Sara's Shoes (sarasshoes.com) first built up a large clientele at
women's music festivals, where the lesbian cobbler put shoes on display, measured feet and took orders. McIntosh now has enough
business from the Internet and her regular customers that she works
from her home studio.
Styles in McIntosh's catalog range from Barcelona to Boulder,
with plenty of cities and shoe designs -in between. McIntosh laughs
when asked if she has been everywhere her footwear name-checks.
"No, I travel vicariously," she says. "First, I named them after letters of the alphabet, but people said that was too boring. Then after
birds. Now cities. I'm going to Italy this fall, so it might be added to
the list."
She explains why custom-made shoes have proven to be such a
hit. "People get custom-fit shoes if they can't get shoes to fit. A lot
of people are finding they can't just walk in, try on a size 8 and walk
out with it. Manufacturers are making a less broad range of sizes,
so it's not an easy thing to find, for instance, a shoe with a wide toe
box and a narrow heel. Another reason is if you have two differently sized feet. Do you buy for the big foot, and deal with it being
floppy on the other? Or for more serious problems ... I can put a
lift in, or make two differently sized shoes. . .. Another group of
people simply like having handmade shoes."
Sara's Shoes also offers the kind of customer service that's hard to
find these days, McIntosh adds. "My shoes can be resoled any number of times.... It's nice to have something that can be fixed, that
you can have for a while. How long [my shoes] last depends on how
people take care of them. I have gotten shoes back after 15 years for
resoling .... One of the things that we've lost, in the States particularly, is the connection between what we use, wear and buy. I think
a lot of people really appreciate that there's an actual person behind
what they wear. And lesbians absolutely love that I'm a dyke!"
- Aefa Mulholland
Lezzies Love Denim
WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY -
finding good jeans is no easy feat. Every year
we hear the buzz about what's hot (this year
it's Red Engine, Mavi, Sass & Bide and
American Eagle) but often they don't fit
(especially if you have too much junk in the
trunk) or are too expensive. Plus, we want to
vote with .our pocketbooks, so designers
need to do more than just stitch a great pair
of pencil pants.
That's where a few designers come in
handy. Based in Italy, Meltin' Pot
(www.meltinpot.com) hit the lesbian radar
last winter when their ad campaign, Love
the Difference, showcased the company's
notion of hybridity by using real queer and
straight couples (our £ave: lesbian couple
Amanda and Wynette). Their jeans are hot
14 MAY 2006
too, combining the unexpected simplicity of
new classicism with a rock edge.
Equally cool is the African Americanowned company Perazzi Apparel (owned by
a lesbian and two friends); its PZI jeans label
(pzijeans.com) offers the ultimate jeans for
women with real curves. PZI jeans are tailored to fit women with more in the hips and
rear, so us bodacious babes get a great fit
without that giant gap at the waist. With a
couple of dozen new styles - including our
£ave, gaucho jeans - and their focus on
urban cred for women in that 25-55 age
range, PZI is sure to be a hit.
Oh, and if you're plus-size, baby, get
thee to lesbian-friendly Torrid (torrid.com),
where Baby Phat jeans are where it's at.
- Diane Anderson-Minshall
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Move Over Connie Chung
WANT TO TURN UP THE VOLUME ON
your Web site? Think your blog seems a little toned down? Want people to hear what
you really meant to say in your e-mail?
Audio Acrobat (audioacrobat.com) stands
poised to stop those awkward silences once
and for all. Championed by Oakland,
Calif. 's Women's Online Media and
Education Network (womensradio.com),
Audio Acrobat is a low-cost broadcasting
service that allows women to add their own
audio to Web sites and e-mails. Lest anyone
fear that this proprietary technology will get
minds or modems into a complicated muddle, the beauty of this system is its sheer simplicity. Creating and adding content can be
done from your home phone, cell phone or
via a PC microphone for FM quality sound.
Those wanting to mix and customize their
audio content - for a radio show or music
clips - can simply get everything exactly the
way they want it and then upload the results
directly from their PC.
"Now women will not have to depend on
the Wall Street-financed, male-dominated
broadcasting industry to give them access
to a small geographic
area," says
W.O.M.E.N.'s CEO, Pat Lynch. "With
Audio Acrobat, they can talk to or broadcast to anyone in the world, in any language." So whether your site needs
earnest testimonials called in from clients,
cheerful commentary to accompany your
vacation snaps, informative
lectures,
interviews, opinions or hour-long radio
shows, 200 hours of airtime await those
bold enough to grab the nearest microphone or cell phone. - Aefa Mulholland
The Passingof a Pioneer
AUTHOR, THERAPIST AND LIFELONG
queer activist Betty Berzon died in January at
the age of 78, following a 20-year battle with
cancer.In 1971, Berzon helped found the country's first social service agency for the LGBT
community, now called the Los Angeles Gay
and Lesbian Center. Instrumental in organizing
the first meeting of gays in the American
Psychological Association at a time when the
profession still categorized homosexuality as a
mental illness,she later penned best-sellingselfhelp books directed toward lesbians and gays,
including Permanent Partners and The
Intimacy Dance. She won a Lambda Literary
Award for her memoir, Surviving Madness: A
Therapist's Own Story. Berzon is survived by
Terry DeCrescenzo, her partner of 33 years.
- Janel M. Lynch
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16 MAY 2006
Art GalleryWith a Twist
IT'S SEX POSITIVE - VERY SEX POSITIVE.
It's all about DIY. It's a nonprofit. It's both
an art gallery and a performance space,
and it hosts classes, open mies, workshops
and craft sessions. This isn't your mother's
venue for stitch-and-bitch, nor is it quite
like anywhere you've been before. It's the
queerly wonderful Femina Potens, and it is
thriving in San Francisco's Mission
District. Founded in 2000 by 20-something writer and performance artist Tina
Butcher, Femina Potens was born in a
garage and has since blossomed into a
storefront gallery complete with a library
and crafts for sale made by women and
transfolk. The gallery, named from the
Latin for "strong woman," has attracted
the likes of Carol Queen, Annie Sprinkle
and Michelle Tea through its heavy
involvement in the "sex work as female
empowerment" post-feminist movement.
Activities at Femina Potens occur frequently and the gallery regularly offers new
and different attractions. The weekly Crafty
Bitches Too boasts that you may arrive completely sans skills or materials, and someone
there will take you under her wing and
show you what's what when it comes to
making a scarf. In November, they held a
Katastrophe rocks the mic
Tina Butcher gets all wrapped up
two-week-long silent auction, with some of
the artwork prices beginning at only $20 so
as "to enable accessibility of works to our
community of artists and activists." Other
calendar highlights include Rock Out With
Your Cock Out music concerts with genderqueer bands such as Dyspecific (who
performed on the main stage at the 2005 San
Francisco Gender Parade), and the monthly
GenderEnders, a "live music and spoken
word event that aims to foster community
among transgender, intersex and genderqueeridentified performers," coordinated by lesbian
MTF and spoken word artist Julia Serano.
Next time you're in the city by the bay,
check out the gallery that's changing the face
of the San Francisco women's art scene. For
more information, visit feminapotens.com.
- Ariane Resnick
EXTRA,EXTRA
IF YOU'VE EVER WISHED THERE WAS
one Web site that aggregated all the LGBT
news of the day in one place, your wish has
now been granted. AllGayNews.com, which
launched last fall, is the latest brainchild of
AfterEllen.com founder and lesbian media
maven Sarah Warn. Every day, users from
around the world - that's you, readers submit links to news stories about anything
and everything queer, from obscure tidbits
about Czech gay rights to the latest
Hollywood rumors. But let me warn you:
Surfing through the vast variety of stories,
which are helpfully sorted by gender and
category (including "bizarre" and "outrageous"), can be downright addictive, so
make sure your boss isn't watching before
you start clicking. - Malinda Lo
DO WE NEEDOUR OWN ENERGYDRINK?
SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED FOR THE FEMALE BODY (withantioxidants,
calfor women.
ciumand ginseng},HER energydrinkis billedas a "healthyenergyrevitalizer"
Theconcoctioncomespackagedin cutelittlepinkandwhitecans- butshouldit replace
Red Bullor RockStaras ourspinningcompanion?Maybeso. CURVE put a trioof tasters
to the test, and each agreedthat the pinklemonadeflavorbeat otherenergydrinkson
the marketwhile givingthe same boost (and, for some,the same afternoonlull}.Our
favoritepart?Findingoutthatfivepercentof the proceedsfromHER are donatedto batteredwomen'ssheltersand breastcancerresearch.- Lauren lfarie Fleming
Curve
17
Ever since her childhood
fascination with
nuts, bolts, wood and scrap metal, artist Gale Hart's career has
revolved around connecting disparate components to make a
statement. Now art and animal lovers alike are taking notice of her
smart, satirical and inspiring work. Tackling the disturbing subject
of animal abuse, Hart's current series of art exhibits (provocatively
titled Why Not Eat Your Pet?) asks an incredibly uncomfortable
question: What psychological lines divide our little darlings from
being our dinner?
Using a variety of media, including pencil, acrylic, mixed media
and bronze, works such as Why'd You Have to Go and Shoot My
Momma and Proctor and Gamble's Guinea Pig bring awareness
to many issues of animal abuse. Hart's arresting images intend to
bring us face to face with the suffering that we humans often force
animals to undergo, not by assailing viewers with gore, but by placing familiar creatures and pop culture characters like Bambi into
shocking situations.
This month, Hart's work is on display at Sacramento's TOYROOM Gallery (toyroomgallery.com) and Healdsburg's Roshambo
Winery and Gallery (roshambowinery.com). Hart plans to give a portion of sales from her work to animal protection groups and sanctuaries, including Animal Place, Animal Protection Institute and Viva!,
and has convinced the galleries to contribute as well. Visit her online
at whynoteatyourpet.com. - Aefa Mulholland
Plug-and-Play Techno Pet
WITH THE TAMAGOTCHI CRAZE SAFELY
a decade behind us, I thought it was safe to
believe that the beeping, blinking, digital pet
trend had officially become extinct. No such
luck. Instead, manufacturer Mimoco has created Mimobots - USB flash memory drives
designed to look like colorful, cartoonish
monsters by renowned graphic artist Yahid
"Serial Killer" Rodriguez - that are cute
enough to get even this cynic cooing over the
latest line of techno pets.
Let's face it: The 2-inch monsters are prized
more as collector'sitems than as memory sticks.
Mimobots even come with a fabricated history, described as a colony of peaceful aliens
from the planet blooh that have an incredible capacity for - what else? - memory.
Last December, the Mimobot goSeries
debuted five new monsters with varying
memory capacities up to 2 GB, all of which
come programmed with mini-games from
Peskimo. At prices starting at $69.95 for
25 6 MB, you can own the best kind of pet:
one that doesn't need constant coddling and
won't leave presents on the carpet. Check
them out at mimoco.com. - Jocelyn Voo
A VIPpass Into the worklof the block-
bustershow, TheL Kt>rd:Welcometo
Our PlanetIs the absolutemust-have
bookfor everyfan.
FEATURES:
• Over 200 color photographs,
many of them appearing for the
first time anywhere!
• An in-depth look at the main
characters, the locations, and
the styles
• All-new interviews with the cast,
crew, and creators
• An introduction by the show's
creator, Ilene Chaiken
• A comprehensive episode guide
• And much more...
Curve
19
The Truth About Cats and Dogs
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm a 21-yearold lesbian who works at the mall. There's
this girl who works across the way in
Sephora whom I see all the time. At times,
when we make eye contact, I think she
may be interested, but I can't get the
nerve to ask her out. I think she's a lesbian, but I'm not sure. She has short hair
and a masculine leather watch. If I ask her
out and she says no, it'd be really awkward to see her every day. And I'm not
sure it's appropriate to go into her workplace to get her phone number because
all of her coworkers know where I work.
How can I find out if she's gay? - Mall Rat
Lipstick: I love Sephora! Mall Rat, what makes
you think you need to run up to her and say,
"Hi, can I have your phone number? I wanna
chow your box:' Why not just introduce
yourself, say that you've seen her across the
way, figured she was new and wanted to
say hello? Feel her out (no, do not use your
girlfriend if I get another cat? What if I
had three cats? And are there colors or
types I should be looking for, to attract
more women? - Confused Pussy
hands!) and, while you're looking into her
in the program and I believe these are the
eyes, turn up your gaydar. What kind of
energy does she give off? Once you're·face
first two tenets of Alcoholics Anonymous:
1) Don't drink. 2) Don't date the hot party
to face, labia to labia, I bet you'll know. Ask
her when she has a break - maybe you
animal in your bikram class (unless she can
wrap her leg around her head; then sleep
could shag and grab her tits. Oops, I meant
with her once and run in the opposite direc-
Lipstick: Oh sweet girl, all lesbians know gray
grab a bag of chips! Sorry. Didn't mean to
get ahead of myself.
tion). For real, almost everyone I've known
who's tried to cross-pollinate has ended up
cats attract more women than tabbies, and
medium-haired calicos are the ideal night
Dipstick: Rat, she's a lesbo. Straight girls do
with their wounded heart in a brown bag.
Bottoms up with caution.
cats for the nightcap - they help you bag
the babe every time. Stay away from
Dipstick: Oh Lipstick, that is so old school.
Siamese cats, as they invite aggressive
women with short fuses. Aside from the
not wear men's watches, even in Sephora,
whatever that is. What you need to do is
catch this customer service worker off duty.
Hitting on a gal while she's on the job is
risky business. Here's the plan: Challenge
the Sephora team to a friendly game of softball, her store versus yours. If the girl can
bat and throw, you're golden. Get her drunk
at the post-game party and go for it!
Dear Lipstickand Dipstick:I recently started
dating this woman in my yoga dass. On
our third date, after I really started digging
her, she told me she was a recoveringalcoholic. My question is this: Could it work
between us? I like to go out and have a
good time every now and then. Should I
bail or give us a chance? - Last Call
Lipstick: Get out your stein, Light Boozer, and
start bailing because it won't work unless
you curb the drinking. I have friends that are
20 MAY 2006
These days, alkies and drinkers can mix like
gin and tonic. Well, maybe that's a bad analogy, but if you like this girl, things can work.
The best thing about gals in recovery is that
they're willing to face their issues - beats
make and model, the more pussies you
have, the more lesbians you'll appeal to, so
head to the shelter, Confused Pussy, and
someone blaming all the relationship problems on you, eh? If you do go out for a drink,
adopt every cat in the place. (Side note: the
smaller the apartment, the better.)
Dipstick: Once again, how wrong you are,
don't expect to come home and snog your
sober girl, though. Friends in the program
liken it to an ex-smoker making out with the
Marlboro Man. Yech!
Lipstick! How's she going to attract a
feline femme with her pussy at home? It's
not cats but cuddly puppies that are the
best babe magnets. A walk around the
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I have just
come out and am learning so many
things about the "life!' I heard recently
there's a deep connection between cats
and lesbians, but I've been seeing a lot
of lesbians with dogs. Are cat lovers
more often lesbians than dog lovers? I
have one cat. Would it help me to find a
park with Spot and all the ladies will come
running. Don't get me wrong - I love my
kitties, but they've never helped me purr
into a woman's ear. Plus, they always do
that little paw-under-the-door thing at such
inopportune times.
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I Was a Teenage Lesbian
Dear Fairy Butch: I am 39 and have been
out and proud for about five years now.
The problem? Well, in a word, "husband!'
When I came out to him, he was so supportive and understanding. I have health
issues that preclude our being able to get
my own health insurance or work full
time, and he was kind enough to suggest
we stay married on paper so that I could
continue to get health care. My question
is this: When starting a relationship with a
woman, how do I explain my situation
without scaring her off? Do you think
women will dart? Help! - Matrimonial in
Mill Valley
Dear Matrimonial: Darling, the state of affairs
going. Do you have any ideas on what I
should do? - Miserable in Montana
in this country regarding health insurance is
Dear Miserable: Sugar plum, I really feel for
sorrowful, to say the least. If you've found a
way to keep you and your daughter insured,
you. It's never easy being a teenage queer,
then you just hang on with a quickness any
but being isolated in the middle of Big Sky
country and out of touch with a queer youth
way you can, and keep your fingers crossed
for Hillary in '08. As for would-be women in
community must be especially tough. I know
that it's rough right now, but you've obvi-
your life, you will likely encounter some resistance when they hear that you're still shacking
ously got a can-do spirit. There are a couple
of tacks you can take, the most impressive
up with (and shackled to) the old ball and
chain. Many women like to imagine a wide-
of which - the DIY approach with your gaystraight alliance - you've already begun.
open vista with visions of white picket fences,
Secondly, you can investigate Montana-
cohabitation and marital vows exclusiveto the
based queer resources and try to find youthspecific avenues therein. Or you can go the
two of you. You can't really blame them.
You'll most likely find success with a woman
youth-oriented route and see if any of those
who understands that life is often imperfect
and as we get older, we tend to accumulate
a Samsonite or two in our travels. You
roads lead back to Montana.
As for the former, I've found a few places you can
check out. According to gaymontana.org,
should be explicit about the nature of your
relationship, but realize that there will be
there's a thriving gay community in Montana
that's all yours for the taking. Also, check out
qnewsmontana.com and Montana Pride at
(406) 723-6656. For the youth-oriented
women who will blanch at your paper marriage, especially since you're living in a
brick-and-mortar house together.
Try this: "My ex and I are still married because he
provides our family with health insurance we
would otherwise be unable to procure. I have
been out five years, I'm a lesbian and we are
no longer romantically involved, nor will we
be in the future. Now, onto more interesting
:• (Fill in with a particutopics, like your __
larly captivating part of her body here.)
Dear Fairy Butch: I live in Montana, a state
with virtually no lesbians like me. I'm 16
years old and very, very lonely. Do you
have any advice on how to find a girlfriend? I'm starting a gay-straight alliance,
but it's going to be awhile until that gets
approach, try younggayamerica.com, "the
voice for the queer youth movement~ The
National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual
and Transgender Youth can be found at
outproud.org, and YouthResource, a Web
site by and for LGBTO young people, can be
found at youthresource.com. And if you've
got a yen to perform as a drag king, Stanley
Upstanding in Billings is looking for folks;
e-mail him at twofingermissoula@yahoo.com.
Hang in there, cherub!
Gentle Readers: To submit your queries
regarding the finer points of lesbian life, sexuality, romance and other matters of the
heart, send a note to fb@fairybutch.com.
C&wv9
21
>> By
Jocelyn
Yoo
Decoding the Lexicon of Lesbianism
"swinging on the pole with their arms
around each other's waists, kissing each
other, caressing each other, just acting like
strippers." Somehow, this is about as surprising as when it was "discovered" that
Moss was dipping into the nose candy.
THEME OF THE MONTH: LOOSE LIPS
and tight fists. You decode.
Honorary Bulldyke
Former New York City councilwoman
Margarita Lopez, the first openly lesbian
Puerto Rican ever elected to office, continues
to push the LGBT agenda one person at a
time - literally. According to the New York
Observer, at a January press conference celebrating arts in the East Village, Lopez ceremoniously dubbed New York mayor
Michael Bloomberg a "part of the group of
people that I am part of: the gay, lesbian,
transgender, bisexual community. And I
make him an honorary lesbian today." We
always thought he looked kinda butch.
Sobriety Becomes Them
For denial queens Kate "I Don't Do Drugs"
Moss and Lindsay "My Words Were
Twisted" Lohan, a night out clubbing on
the Lower East Side is not complete without
Life Imitates Art?
hitting up the "gentleman's club" Scores.
The pair was spotted drinking with several gal pals, yet managed to find time in
between receiving free lap dances to get in
on the stage action. The New York Post
reports that Moss and Lohan were
It's like you're 16 all over again; for the
first time, things are heating up down under.
Jaime Passier-Armstrong and Anna
Jullienne, who play lesbian lovers Jay and
Maia on New Zealand's only soap opera,
Short/and Street, found their characters
tying the knot on Valentine's Day in the
country's first on-screen civil union. But perhaps this is one instance in which art mimics
life. Passier-Armstrong split from her fiance
two weeks before her televised nuptials, and
Auckland's Sunday News claims that the
split is because Passier-Armstrong is more
similar to her character than anyone previously suspected.
"I ride motorcycles. I
drive fast cars. I can
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that roller coaster and
scare myself and then
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"Honest to God, I
did ·not see the two
boys I know. I did
not see Jake and I
did not see Heath
when I saw that
scene - and I know
both of them well
(one of them better
than the other). After
the scene I just
asked them to embrace, to just hold each
other. It was a sweet moment." > > Actor
Michelle Williams, in Exp, on boyfriend Heath
Ledger's Brokeback Mountain Jove scenes
with Jake Gyl/enhaal
22 MAY 2006
"[Missy Elliott] has this dirty
version of 'Lose Control'
out there where she says,
'I'm gonna go down/Go
downtown and eat
you/Taste like peaches'! I
think she's talking to me.
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Rock star Peaches to Bust
z
"People did not judge me at all or want to put me in a box because I was
playing a character that happened to be gay. People now appreciate that I
can do all different things. I always take it as a compliment when people
ask, 'Are you really bi?'">> Actor Olivia Wilde, who played Mischa
Barton's bisexual girlfriend last year on The O.C.
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Stepping Out
Not out of the ordinary:
L Word hottie Jennifer
Beals gets interviewed in
the Jan. 31 issue of The
Advocate. What is out of
the ordinary: Aforementioned L Word cast
member sort of outs a
thought-tp-be-straight
cast member.When Beals
was asked if she was ever assumed to be a lesbian, she replied, "I heard a rumor that somebody - a studio executive in L.A. who saw
some of the show - assumed I was bisexual.
Which was a huge compliment to me, because
oftentimes I will go [to] Leisha or Kate or
Ilene or Rose Troche most often and ask,
'OK, is this the right thing to do? Is this not the
right thing to do? Am I going to seem like a
total chump if I do this?'" Well, maybe - you
might want to ask Katherine Moennig, the
only not-out woman on your roster.
All Hail Bettie Page
It's been years in the making with
director Mary Harron (American
Psycho) and lesbian screenwriter
Guinevere Turner (The L Word)
propelling the project forward, so
we can't wait to see if Gretchen Mol
can fill the pin-up's very dirty shoes
in The Notorious Bettie Page, opening this month. Moreover, we're
waiting to see if this role changes
Moll's own ability to play with sexuality
off-screen, too.
Pioneers of 2005
Ellen DeGeneres was named one of the Top
10 Bodacious Women of 2005, an award
honoring courageous and inspiring women.
Honorees rounding out the rest of the top 10
include perma-Donna Reed Martha Stewart
and actor Geena Davis, proving that success
can still come after a prison sentence. Or
Stuart Little 2.
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23
An unforgettable Tasmanian eco-adventure.
By Jenna Goldberg
WE ARRIVED
AT FREYCINET
NATIONAL PARK JUST
before an awe-inspiring sunset. The deck surrounding the Freycinet
Lodge's restaurant was filled with onlookers enjoying a late snack and
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ing slowly toward the long pier projecting out from the base of the
lodge. As the sky turned crimson, I was.startled by something scurrying
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long, bushy, gray, prehensile tails and foxlike faces, began snacking on a plate of
leftovers a diner had casually left behind.
Then one of the cute little creatures apparently mistook my travel mate Anna for a
tasty snack, taking a sizable bite out of her
sandal-clad toe as she stood waiting for
me to arrive for dinner. She was bloodied
but not dismayed, so I suggested a bandage might be a good idea.
Tasmania, the smallest and most southern Australian state, has often been called
one of the last of the living Edens, although
my childhood cartoon addiction left me
thinking otherwise.
I imagined the
Tasmanian Devil (or "Taz" as we called him
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on Saturday mornings) spinning around the countryside like a tornado,
demolishing everything in sight with his ferocious jaws. It left me with
the impression of a wild country, teeming with unusual flora and fauna
that I had to see. I headed to Tasmania hoping to spot a real Tasmanian
devil. What I didn't expect to find were friendly people, a thriving gay
and lesbian community, outrageous outdoor adventures and breathtaking views around every corner.
With her rugged athletic build tamed by sweet, deep-set dimples and
soft brown hair,Anna reminds me of a modern-day Xena - especially in this
land of bush walking and wild creatures. Originally from Melbourne, she
spent years following winter around the globe, shuffling between adventuring in Tasmania and ski patrol in the Canadian Rockies. We met up in
Hobart, Tasmania'scapital city. Nestled at the base of Mount Wellington and
overlooking the Derwent River, Hobart is an amazing juxtaposition of oldworld charm and modern decor. In the historic Sullivan's Cove precinct,
Georgian and Victorian sandstone buildings have been gloriously restored.
Old warehouses, factories, cottages and maritime workshops have been
renovated into posh restaurants,cafes and art galleries.
Anna explained, as I reluctantly rolled out of my comfortable bed at the
Henry Jones Art Hotel - a superb modern-eclectic hotel and art gallery that an early start was essential. We headed for Salamanca Place and its
outdoor market, possibly the best place to shop for locally crafted gifts.
The Salamanca market, where the early bird definitely gets the worm, happens only on Saturdays. The aromas of steaming coffee and sweet, fresh
carve
2s
organic fruits wafted under my nose as Anna navigated the
market like a pro, pointing out the best stalls to buy soft, handknit wool "jumpers" and Australian pine bowls and carvings.
Mingling in the vibrant crowd, Anna would stop every once in
a while to chat with a familiar face while I continued browsing,
destined to buy all the gifts I had promised to cart back. When
it was time to head off, I had accumulated more in under an
hour than I had room for in my suitcase.
GAY AND LESBIAN TASMANIA
Early 19th-century Tasmania, then called Van Diemen's Land,
was settled by the British as a penal colony and was the final
destination for thousands of prisoners from across the British
Empire, many of whom were imprisoned for "crimes against
Tasmania, settled by the British
as a penal colony, was the final
destination for thousands of
prisoners from across the
British Empire, many of whom
were imprisoned for "crimes
against nature!'
nature." Many prisoners, both men and women, engaged in
same-sex relations in Tasmania and even formed committed same-sex
air and water in the world. In fact, measurements taken there are used as
relationships, according to official reports.
global benchmarks for levels of air pollution.
By the mid-1800s, the mainstream community, outraged by "pseudo-
Cradle Mountain-Lake St. Clair National Park is part of a group of
males" (their term for women-loving women), separated lovers by sending
parks in western Tasmania that is protected as part of the Tasmanian
them to different sides of the island. Over the years, Hobart began to
World Heritage Area, one of only three temperate wilderness areas
attract more and more gays and lesbians, and by the 1920s, although it
remaining in the Southern Hemisphere. The rugged contours of Cradle
was still illegal, the city was home to a vibrant gay community.
Gay legislation reform campaigns started in the 1980s, and after lengthy
Mountain epitomize the untamed landscape. The park's Overland Track
transverses the heart of the area and is widely regarded as a walk of a
protests, Tasmaniabecame the first state in Australia to recognize same-sex
lifetime. An awesome six-day hike, the Track takes you past towering
unions. As of 2004, the Relationships Act grants lesbian and gay partners
forests of trees older than humanity, temperate rain forests, jagged
Anna smiles on Cradle Mountain (left); Subi Mea_~:!1Q~"J~~-l~!'~B~fil,.q\?ners
~f the Left Bank Cafe in Swan~ee (right). \ , :;:_"·•;,. •..
equal status to married couples. In response, gay-friendly communities are
mountains, trout-filled streams, glacial lakes, waterfalls and rocks from
thriving. For example, Swansee, a tiny village by Great Oyster Bay, is now
every geological period.
a vibrant and growing lesbian community.
Considering all the ecological diversity within the park, I was sure Anna
When Anna suggested we stop in at the Left Bank Cafe in Swansee
and I would spot the Tasmaniandevil here. What I didn't expect to see were
for "the best latte anywhere around~ I saw a rainbow flag swaying in the
two mysterious dark eyes peeking out of the water in the lake next to the
breeze. Over a delicious, frothy soy latte, I sat down with owners Subi
Cradle Mountain Lodge. The platypus is one of only three monotremes, or
Mead and Helen Bain, who had converted an old bank into their cafe, to
egg-laying mammals,still found on earth today. I stood mesmerized,waiting
discover why this seaside town is suddenly attracting lesbians. The Left
for it to surface over and over again. With its freakishly odd bill, webbed feet
Bank isn't a lesbian cafe - it's for everyone - but it's the anchor of
and broad tail, it was the oddest animal I'd ever seen. Too bad Anna was off
Swansee's lesbian community. Since it opened, women have caught on
on a hike. In all her time in Tasmania,she's still never seen one.
to the fact that it's simply a great place to be yourself.
CRADLE MOUNTAIN-LAKE
ST. CLAIR NATIONAL PARK
FREYCINET
NATIONAL PARK
Despite our possum encounter, Freycinet National Park, on the east
Tasmania's environmental policies are as enlightened as its civil rights
coast, quickly became my favorite of Tasmania's 17 accessible national
policies. More than a third of Tasmania is protected as a World Heritage
parks. It's home to Wineglass Bay, named by Outdoors magazine as one
Area and as national parks, forests and marine reserves. With kayaking,
of the world's top 10 beaches.
bush walking, rock climbing, mountain biking and four-wheeling, Tasmania
With the park's secluded bays, wide-open seas and pink granite coast-
is an adventure girl's paradise. Additionally, Tasmania boasts the cleanest
line, Freycinet has mind-blowing kayaking for everyone - novice to pro.
26 MAY 2006
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Anna and I set out on a full-day kayaking trip
with Freycinet Adventures, an award-winning
After a long day of Freycinet adventures,
the area's accommodations provided the
eco-tourism company. Well-equipped with
plastic pants, fleece pullovers and neoprene
perfect respite. Nestled in the bushland overlooking Richardson's Beach is the Freycinet
booties, we were ready to explore one of
Lodge with its cozy cabins where Anna and I
lassie's most magnificent coastal parks.
The chilly waters of Muirs Beach in Coles
watched that amazing sunset. Even further
off the beaten path is Mount Paul on
Freycinet, where owners and couple Virginia
Bay were calm as we slid our double kayak
in. Our tour guide, Sam, summed it up when
Cowie and Phillippa Denne traded in their
she said, "If you aren't into geology when
you visit Freycinet, you'll be hooked once you
desk jobs in England to drive tractors and
get here." Stunning pink granite mountains,
crystal-clear blue waters and white, sandy
With a few beautifully appointed, modern
mountain lodges boasting balconies and
build fences on their very own mountain.
beaches were around every corner, and
breathtaking views, Mount Paul was the per-
when it started to drizzle, we pulled into a
tiny inlet snuggled between two huge pink
fect spot to put up our feet and reflect on our
adventures in the wilds of Tasmania before
boulders. We snacked on Sam's gummy
bears while the shower passed, entranced
heading home.
We asked Cowie and Denne for a tour, and
they happily shifted their Subaru Forester into
by the dozens of varieties of scarlet, jade and
four-wheel drive to bring us to the top of their
yellow seaweed shimmering brilliantly in the
clear waters beneath our kayak. When
returning from our paddle, the sun peeked
out and we stopped to enjoy it on one of the
On Freycinet Adventures' eco-adventure.
mountain. After navigating a dirt road teeming
with quirky animals, we arrived at the summit
with 360-degree, breathtaking views of the
countless beaches that dotted our excursion.
After a piping hot cup of coffee, we stripped down to our knickers for
Tasman Sea, the Hazards Mountains, Coles Bay, Great Oyster Bay (with
Maria Island in the distance) and the Swan River Estuary.
a refreshingly chilly swim. An otter - or was it a seal? It's all a blur now looking amused but not afraid, poked its head out of the water next to me
When I asked if we might catch a glimpse of a devil on Mount Paul,
as I realized that my fingers were turning blue in the autumn sea.
Later, as we paddled home, it dawned on me: Despite all the beaches
we passed and all the water we covered, we hadn't encountered a single
human. Mind-boggling.
Determined to experience all Tasmania had to offer, I abandoned
kayaking and took up four-wheeling. A complete novice, I admit I was
apprehensive as we set out behind our guide toward the winding dirt trail
that headed to the secluded Friendly Beaches. As we made our way past
granite boulders, eucalyptus and fern-studded trails, my fear was quickly
replaced with awe. As we neared the beach, we ran into four of our
guide's mates who had just pulled in a dozen or so crayfish.
Virginia told me that they are usually quite reclusive, and that the main
mammals they see on Mount Paul are wallabies (Bennetts and Rufous
hare), possums (brushtail and ringtail), echidnas, wombats, quolls (Eastern
and Spotted Tailed), devils, potoroos, pygmy possums and bettongs.
There are also a wide variety of birds, including sea- and wedge-tailed
eagles, laughing kookaburras, wattlebirds and yellow-tailed black cockatoos. In fact, a university team visits Mount Paul twice a year to trap and
tag devils in order to prevent a facial tumor disease that afflicts the animals,
and so far all their devils are "healthy and abundant'
I figured Mount Paul would be my best bet to finally spot a Tasmanian
devil before heading back home. Unfortunately,the only one I ever saw was
on the label of the Cascade ginger beer in my hand later that night.
WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?
Where you're going: When I said I was going
to Tasmania, my sister asked if I had gotten all
my vaccinations, while my mom asked, "Where
exactly is Tasmania?" Tasmania is the southernmost island at the bottom of Australia, and the
farther south you travel, the colder it gets.
When to go: I went in March, just before
winter in Australia. It's a great time to avoid
the crowds.
Get gay info: Download a copy of the
Tasmania Gay and Lesbian Visitor's Guide at
discovertasmania.com/gayfriendly.
Where to stay: In Hobart, Corinda's
Cottages (corindascottages.com.au) offers
19th-century cottages on the grounds of a
grand Victorian mansion on the National
Estate Registry. Also in Hobart, the Henry
Jones (thehenryjones.com) is Australia's only
28 MAY 2006
dedicated art hotel. Nestled on the waterfront,
it's a renovated row of historic warehouses
and a former jam factory. Alternatively, HI BA
Gatehouse (Tel. +03-6293-1456),
a gay-
offers sea-kayaking activities. Inside the park,
Great grub: Lickerish's modern Australian
cuisine is a delight (Tel. +03-6231-9186) while
Kate's Berry Farm (Tel.+03-6257-8428) on Great
Mountain Lodge (Tel. +03-6492-13030), with
its spa cabins overlooking the rainforest - and
fine Tasmanian food and wine - is a must. Built
Oyster Bay has the best fresh-picked berry ice
cream around. In the seaside town of Swansee, a
stop at the lesbian-owned Left Bank Cafe (Tel.
+03-6257-8896) is a must.
from local stone, slate and recycled timber, with
glass walls opening to dramatic views of the
Pencil Pine River, the king suites feature large
private decks with hot tubs.
If you still have time: Take a cruise in
Freycinet Lodge (freycinetlodge.com.au)has 60
cabins, a waterfront restaurant and bistro. Mount
Paul at Freycinet(mtpaul.com)offers breathtaking
owned private retreat with beach access, a views from its timber lodges in the center of the
stocked trout lake and gardens, is only six kilo- · FreycinetPeninsula.
Doing Cradle Mountain: The Cradle
meters from Adventure Bay village.
Doing
Freycinet
National
Park:
All4adventureATV (a114adventure.com.au)
will get
Peppermint Bay (peppermintbay.com.au) or
you out in the stunningsurroundsof the park,while enjoy wine tasting at Moorilla Estate
FreycinetAdventures (freycinetadventures.com.au) (moorilla.com.au).
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Curve
29
Love
at Firstight
Andotherthings
thatcanruina wedding
I ByAndy
Wright
In 2000's Coyote Ugly, Piper Perabo played a plucky young woman from New Jersey who moves to
New York to make it in the music industry. In true Hollywood fashion, she lands a job, not as a simple waitress, but as a bartender at a
fabled establishment where water is never served and the beautiful employees routinely dance on flaming countertops. A year later, she
appeared in Lost & Delirious as the brooding Paulie, a boarding school lesbian with a penchant for fencing and a doomed crush on a
classmate. This spring, she plays Rachel in the romantic comedy Imagine Me & You. Rachel is a young bride finally marching down the
aisle with her perfectly charming boyfriend of five years. Unfortunately for her perfectly charming boyfriend, it is on her way down the aisle
that she first locks eyes with Luce (Lena Headey), the wedding florist. Luce eventually progresses from tastefully arranging flowers for the
bride, to tastefully arranging herself and the bride atop a pile of flowers.
In the movie, one of the characters says, "anyone can cross
over:' and that becomes a theme. Do you think that's true?
Well, sur_e.I think that who you fall in love with is d~finitely not
something you can plan. Hopefully, everybody has the opportunity just once to meet someone you really love.
You played a lesbian in Lost & Delirious as well. What
attracts you to queer roles?
I think the writing for both of these films was really good. They're
whole women. They're not just somebody's girlfriend in the
background of an action film. Both of these roles were just
beautiful, whole people, and I think that's just interesting to me.
Do you think you approach playing a lesbian character any
differently now than you did five years ago?
That's an interesting question. I think I do. I think when I made Lost
& Delirious, I was younger, and that character and her understanding of lov~ was a much younger understanding. Paulie is a
little bit obsessed with herself and not really seeing that she's
hurting the woman she is in love with. Originally, I took the role
because I thought, God, she's a fucking hero. She's a hero.
Finally, a female hero character. But kind of to the exclusion of
the woman she loves. She gets so wrapped up in the saving of
her, that she misses it. Whereas in this film, Rachel is really
aware that she's going to hurt one person, because she's in
love with another person, and she's trying really hard to be honest and grown up about the fact that "I'm in love with this
woman. I know it isn't easy, but I have to be honest about what's
happening. I'm going to be as careful as I can to not be hurtful
but still be true to myself:' And that's really different. And I don't
know if I would have understood that as well five years ago.
Do you ever worry about being pigeonholed as an actress
who plays gay women?
That would not ... make me worry. They're strong. The ones that are
onscreen are written really smart. It's better than being typecast
as the girl from Coyote Ugly.
In Coyote Ugly, you're playing to male desire a lot, and
then in Imagine Me & You you're playing, at least partially,
to female desire. Do you think you play to each differently,
or is there no difference?
I think in Coyote Ugly, although maybe the film as a whole is in some
ways framed for male desire - that wasn't what I was playing. The
character is really, a little bit, on her own. She kind of has a love
interest, but it's really about a girl who's trying to stand up on her
own two feet. It's the same with this film. Rachel isn't playing for
female desire. She didn't even know that the person who would
be the love of her life was a woman until she saw her. And when
she saw her, she was about to marry a man. She can barely keep
her feet on the ground, poor Rachel. It spins you around a little bit
when you get knocked out by love like that.
You were in another film, The Cave, with Lena Headey, who
plays Rachel's love interest, Luce. Was it a coincidence that
you guys ended up in another film together?
It wasn't. We did The Cave first. We were the only women in a
very testosterone-heavy action film. We're in a foreign country,
underground, in the dirt, and it was not that nice. I was lucky
that she was a really amazing woman, and right away I was
like, "What's the Romanian word for beer?" and we'd go off
together to just hang out with another woman. We became
really good friends. So when Imagine Me & You came up and
Lena was being considered for a lead, she was on the phone
with me immediately asking "Have you seen this script? Have
you read this character?" And_the two of us were plotting to
get [writer-director] 01 Parker to let me play Rachel.
What other projects can we expect to see you in, and will
you be playing more gay roles in the future?
In the movie I'm in right now, I'm straight. I play Diane Keaton's oversexed, neurotic daughter. It's hilarious to work with a woman like
Diane Keaton. Sort of dreamy, I have to say. She's a magnificent
woman. Magnificent. Intelligent, politically astute, artistic. She's
got a rockin' bod for 60. I'm kind of infatuated with her.
It sounds like you have a crush on her.
I do! I follow her around like a puppy. It's embarrassing. I'm just
going to embarrass myself.
Curve
31
Cont
essions
ofa DIVBride
I had a great wedding for under $2,000, and you can too! By Diane Anderson-Minshall
My partner and I have been married
four times - each time to each other. It's not that we're pulling an
Elizabeth Taylor, getting divorced and remarried each time the love is
rekindled. No, we've had four wedding ceremonies, each time stepping
up the ladder of legalization, hoping that some day the state won't be
able to take away our rights.
The first, when we were a couple of firebrand 20-year-old baby dykes
who didn't really believe in marriage (or forever), was a private solstice
moon affair on a quiet Sawtooth mountaintop. Then, in the spring of
1990, we registered our domestic partnership in the one city that would
give us a document to frame: West Hollywood, Calif. In the mid-1990s,
when San Francisco mayor Willie Brown married 150 long-term samesex couples in a mass wedding, we both wore matching ivory dresses,
held small bouquets and spent as much time talking to NBC as we did
talking to each other.
Our third wedding took place at San Francisco City Hall in 2004
during the infamous month of legal same-sex marriage. This time I wore
polka dots, my partner wore a suit, and we stood in line for six hours to
get a marriage license that would be legal for less than a year. Finally,
two months ago, my partner - who is now transgender-identified - and
I married for the fourth time. We decided this would be our last wedding
ceremony, so we invited family and friends to join us in March for all the
34 MAY 2006
bling befitting a slightly traditional, yet nontraditional marriage like ours.
The best part? We did it for about $2,000, and we can tell you how to
have the wedding of your dreams without going bankrupt.
SET YOUR PRIORITIES
Before you start planning your wedding, sit down and talk about what's
most important to you - and don't forget that the $125 billion wedding
industry (geared mostly toward straight couples) isn't necessarily thinking about what you want when you walk down the aisle.
According to a 2005 survey from the Fairchild Bridal Group, the average cost of a wedding is nearly $30,000, and when I hit the bridal fairs
with my maid of honor, we noticed that many of the women there - gay
and straight - were planning weddings that topped at around $50,000.
I don't know about you, but we can't afford to spend that much money
on a house, much less a wedding. So I skipped all the expert advice and
did my own queer wedding intel.
Find the Advice That Fits Your Needs
I scoured endless wedding books for tips, but one book changed my life
- or at least my wallet. Kathleen Kennedy's Priceless Weddings for
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Under $5,000 reminded me that a priceless wedding is just that - priceless - so you can do it on any budget. Kennedy's cornerstone piece of
advice was to pick out the three most important things you want to get
out of your wedding and then view every decision in light of that list.
You can also save yourself some headaches by visiting Kathryn
Hamm's TwoBrides.com, an emporium of advice and vendors specializing in lesbian weddings. Two Brides was founded by Hamm's mom,
Gretchen, as a mother-of-the-lesbian-bride operation. Today, the Hamm
women
operate
a
showroom
in
Virginia,
the
Web
sites
GayWeddings.com and TwoGrooms.com, and are social activists who
support marriage equality.
Location, Location, Location
The cost of a wedding varies depending on where you host it. For example, in my hometown of Payette, Idaho, a wedding averages $18,000,
whereas in the San Francisco Bay area, the cost skyrockets to $45,000.
And since some queer couples want to get legally married in Canada or
Massachusetts, a destination wedding actually might save you money.
If Canada's in your plans, you might want to hire a planner like Hudson
Nuptials (hudsonnuptials.com), a gay-owned wedding firm that arranges
destination weddings for same-sex couples looking to marry in Toronto.
If you're a resident who can marry in Massachusetts, consider the
Ocean Edge Resort and Golf Club (oceanedge.com) for a wedding
perched on a bluff overlooking Cape Cod Bay. Their all-inclusive I Do for
Two elopement package covers the ceremony, officiant, bouquet and
boutonniere, photo session, champagne, candlelit dinner, wedding cake
for two, and three nights at the resort - all for less than $2,000.
In Boston, head over to the Onyx Hotel for a Proud to Be in Love
package that offers flower petals strewn over your bed and champagne
($229, onyxhotel.com).
You don't need a boutique hotel to make things special. The lesbianowned Highlands Inn (highlandsinn-nh.com) in Bethlehem, N.H., is among
the top lesbian guest houses in the country. An hour from Canada and a
mere 20 minutes from Vermont, the Highlands has helped numerous couples arrange a quick wedding in Canada or a civil union in Vermont before
heading back to the Highlands for a reception and honeymoon on its
secluded, 100-acre mountain retreat.
Ceremonies by Nan Klater (top), Renellie's cake topppers are
girl-girl glam (bottom right) and lesbian newlyweds Rebecca
and Jacqueline adorn Mrs. Beasley's wedding photo cookies.
Save the Date
Stationery companies are getting used to dealing with same-sex couples,
but even with the very gay-friendly ones, you may have to put up with filling in blanks for "bride" and "groom;' Don't fret: That never shows up on
your invitation, and our favorite companies don't even question a female
name in the "groom" part of the order form. For affordable invitation
options, try out gay-friendly Now and Forever (now-and-forever.com), My
Jean M (myjeanm.com) or Invitations By Dawn (invitationsbydawn.com),
where we ordered 100 invitations for $130.
If you've planned to splurge in this area, indulge yourself with Festivale's
raffia-wrapped Bali invitations ($4 each, festivale.net); Papagraphics miniature passports (prices vary, papagraphics.com); Botanical Paperworks'
handmade, wildflower-seeded, plantable invitations ($4 each and up,
botanicalpaperworks.com); or Paper Girl's fabric-pocketed Nicola card,
belted in a silk ribbon with a rhinestone buckle ($23 each, paper-girl.com).
All four of these small companies are women-owned and LG BT-friendly.
You'll also need thank you cards, and that's where designer Erica
Goldstein's Paper Bride comes in (paperbride.com). Goldstein, an LGBT
supporter and a longtime advocate of legalizing gay marriage, has creat-
Save yourself trouble with Paper Bride's deluxe
thank you card kit.
36 MAY 2006
ed the Paper Rainbow line especially for lesbian and gay couples. I sent
thank you cards to all of my bridesmaids that read, "And now I get to
ensure that your dress won't be prettier than mine;'
The Ocean Edge Resort's I Do For Two elopement package covers
the ceremony, officiant, bouquet and boutonniere, photo session,
champagne, candlelit dinner, wedding cake for two, and threenight stay - all for less than $2,000.
Rainbow Greetings (rainbowgreetings.com),
another new card
designer, has an adorable card to give the wedding couple themselves, featuring two brides, one in a white veil and one in a tux, with
butterflies fluttering around them.
You May Now Kiss the Bride
Finding someone to officiate at your wedding or commitment ceremony is
getting easier. In many areas, nondenominational officiants who work with
lesbians are plentiful; if you're in rural North Dakota, though, you may have
more difficulty. First, try online message boards or craigslist.org sites, as
well as your local gay newspaper and nearest LG BT community center.
A Note About Bling
Even if you can't afford a Tiffany engagement ring, that doesn't mean you
shouldn't be decked out like a princess (or prince) on your special day.
Two churches are universal supporters of same-sex commitment Metropolitan Community Church and Unitarian Universalist - and if you
have one near you, they will be helpful. And if you really want a lesbian offi-
You can find rhinestone tiaras on eBay for less than $10, or if this is your
splurge, go high-end with Tacori's pink pearl Swarovski crystal tiara
ciant to marry you, consider footing the bill for her to fly up. Many, like Nan
Klater (ceremoniesbynan.com)from Tampa, Fla.,are willing to make the trip.
($650, tacori.com).
If regular diamond rings are too girlie, Gravure's new line of commit-
In the 10 years Klater has been performing wedding ceremonies, she says
she's seen everythingfrom the basic to the bizarre: "There was even a wedding with a pig as the ring bearer and farm animals in the ceremony:'
ment rings (gravurecommitment.com) are for same-sex couples who
don't want to say "I do" in the same old gold-banded and diamondencrusted way while hot, young designer Karen Konzuk's minimalist steel
and cubic zirconia rings (konzuk.com) offer a particulary wonderful lesbian take on the classic wedding set. My partner and I fell in love with a
sterling silver band engraved in Hebrew with words from the Song of
Solomon: "I am my beloved's, my beloved is
mine." It's sold by the Human Right
Campaign ($39.95, hrc.org), and part of the
proceeds goes to benefit the charity.
Then I discovered Kristina Pitaniello (your
favoritediamonds.com), a Boston-based jewelry artist, industrial designer and lesbian who
has been designing wedding bands and
engagement rings for about 10 years.
Her jewelry is worn by some Hollywood
celebs including The L Word's Rosanna
Arquette, but Pitaniello has a soft spot for
dykes. "It must be incredibly hard to walk into
a very conservative store and shop for an
engagement ring for your girlfriend;' she
says. "An intimacy goes on between a salesperson and a client when buying a ring. I'm
sure it would be difficult if a store were not
welcoming to gays:• Her advice? "Have me
design your ring or rings!"
I Saw a Photograph
In 1999, award-winning New York City wedding photographer Laurie
Rhodes (laurierhodes.com) left an 18-year career as a TV executive to
become a photographer, and now her work can be found in
Kristina Pitaniello's
Bark-style silver ring
(top) and Karen
Konzuk's steel double
wedding band (bottom).
numerous newlyweds' homes as well as publications like
Gourmet, Modern Bride and the New York Times. Rhodes knows
the ins and outs of documenting a same-sex wedding - and not
just because she's a lesbian herself.
"It's a wonderful opportunity to be around people who are celebrating their lives together. . . . Be yourselves;• she suggests.
"Show yourselves; don't worry about posing. Enjoy the fact that the
people around you are celebrating your love for each other - and
crying is OK:' She says the two most important issues in seeking a
photographer are "One, do you like and feel comfortable with the
photographer? Two, is the photographer's style the style of photography that you want? If it's not, they're not going to be able to change
for your wedding, even if they promise they can do that:'
Of course, you don't have to go with a pro like Rhodes if your
budget won't allow it, though you should always ask- many photographers are willing to make compromises to fit your budget.
Some couples, ourselves included, enlist a friend who is a photographer or camcorder jockey. If you ask around, you might be
surprised at the skills your friends can provide.
Curve
37
You can also enlist the assistance of your
guests to take photos. We snagged disposable
For lesbian newlywed Jennifer Simons, that
meant going to the grocery store: "The roses
Fuji cameras at our local drugstore for $2 each,
were bought the day before the wedding from
Costco, and held up wonderful. At $14.99 for
then pasted on a sheet of paper with our names,
wedding date and the Chinese character for love.
two dozen, you can't go wrong:'
Also, look beyond the local florist. Both
Most importantly, we printed a card that asked
ProFlowers.com and 1-800-Flowers offer lower
our guests to help capture the moments - and to
leave the cameras on the tables at the end of the
cost bridal packages that aren't always listed on
their Web sites, and at FlowerBud.com, you can
party instead of walking away with them.
buy flowers in bulk and invite your artsy dyke
friends to help assemble bouquets.
Don't Be Afraid of Beauty
As soon as you say makeup, some dykes scram.
You may want to skip flowers altogether and
get an Edible Fruit Bouquet (available at
Well, don't fret. While most people - men
included - look better on camera with some
a centerpiece and an appetizer.
ediblearrangements.com) that can serve as both
foundation, you don't have to go high femme to
look good on your special day.
I used DHC's Velvet Skin Coat, a pre-makeup
Unforgettable Decor
prep that keeps your makeup on from dusk till
Thoughtful touches at the reception mean that
dawn; Revitalizing Moisture Strips to take away
that puffy "wild bachelorette party" look; and
nobody cares if you have flowers. Instead of
pricey floral arrangements, light up a bevy of
Vitamin C White Stick lip moisturizer to get my
pucker in shape (dhccare.com).
sumptuous-smelling candles from gay-owned
candle maker Bluewick, with fragrances such as
dewberry (grapefruit and black currant) and my
For makeup itself, I used noncomedogenic,
anti-inflammatory, cruelty-free products from
gloMinerals
(glominerals.com),
including
favorite, Pepperpinch (ground pepper and toma-
its
to). Each candle is made from 100 percent soy
wax farmed in the United States, handmade in
gloBronze, gloliquid Lips, gloCamouflage and
gloBody Glisten. Mineral makeup is great for
micro batches using recycled and renewable
weddings because it looks natural but also
deflects light, so it keeps you protected when
everyone is snapping photos. (Oh, some of the
boys in my wedding party used DHC eyelash
tonic, a lash-strengthening gel without color, and
nobody knew they were wearing makeup.)
Dancing Bull's Zin-Gria is an inexpensive wedding cocktail. Hamptons
Honey says you were meant to bee.
For the wedding night, there are endless varieties of luxurious massage
bars, butters and oils you can use to set the mood - start with Lush's
French Kiss, Fever and Sex Bomb ($5 and up, lush.com). If you're not a
spring chicken, then pack the women-owned Emerita's stylish Joy Box
($25, emerita.com), a romantic cigar box-like kit, aimed at peri/menopausal
women who might need an extra kick, which includes warming lubricant,
response tropical arousal creme, massage oil, candles and some postcards to brag to your friends about the wife you bagged.
THE PERFECT RECEPTION AT THE PERFECT PRICE
The main cost of most weddings - lesbian or otherwise - is the reception,
which usually adds up to about half the total wedding cost. But we did
some things to substantially reduce the cost: We had an early-afternoon
wedding in the off-season (September through March) and made favors
and other decorations ourselves. Here are some more ways to save on
reception basics.
Love in Bloom
Flowers aren't cheap. A traditional florist who outfits you with a giant
bridal bouquet, bouquets for each bridesmaid, boutonnieres for. each
attendant, corsages for your moms and a basket for the flower girl is
going to cost more than a lifetime pass to the WNBA. How can you save?
One word: downsize.
38 MAY 2006
packaging materials ($6 and up, bluewick.com).
You can also light up an evening reception with
Mexican Tin Art Luminarias (505-345-7231) for
a Southwestern touch.
Unique decorative touches can also double
as favors, especially if they're edible. At our afternoon reception, we set
out jars of raw, unfiltered wildflower and black locus blossom honey from
the Hamptons Honey Company ($30 for four jars, hamptonshoney.com)
with little stickers that read "Meant to Bee." I also love Mrs. Beasley's
Photo Image Cookies ($42 for 12, mrsbeasleys.com), iced shortbread
cookies printed with an image of your choice using edible food coloring
sugar paper.
Chocolate is another luxurious party favor that doesn't have to break
the bank. Send off your guests with little bags of Green & Black's organic
cocoa powder, complete with child-sized milk containers, for a tasty
nightcap (greenandblacks.com); a piece of Jin Patisserie's hand-painted
lemongrass chocolates (jinpatisserie.com); lesbian chocolatier Kathy
Wiley's individually wrapped chocolate tiles topped with sea salt
(pocodolce.com); or Candy Mega Rings (oldtimecandy.com).
Ding Dongs and Other Cakes
Wedding cake tastings are one of the big perks of wedding planning.
Even if you're going to buy a Ding Dong cake from your local supermarket, you should still go to a few cake tastings just for the fun of it. We
found our cake designer, Julia San Bartalome, on craigslist.org. She
made us a half-chocolate (with caramel and walnuts) and half-carrot cake
with cream cheese frosting and layered fondant in four tiers (two of
which were made with foam to save money) that served 50 people - for
the shockingly low price of $300. You can also have a small cake for the
cake-cutting photo op, then serve guests from a more affordable sheet
cake kept in the kitchen.
friends were sifting through caterers who
If you think big, fancy cakes are passe,
try the increasingly popular cupcake
charged $75 per . person, we looked up
caterers on craigslist, hunting for a woman
option. That's what Jennifer Lyn Simons
and Vivian Berrios did for their Westford,
who works with same-sex couples. We found
Carrie Primavera (outtamykitchen.com), who
Mass., wedding reception last year. In
addition to buying most of their reception
our house in the middle of the night to
edibles and all of their liquor and flowers at
accommodate our busy schedules, and then
Costco, the duo served cupcake wedding
prepared a scrumptious Asian fusion menu
everyone loved for close to $10 a person.
cakes. "They are becoming really popular,
and I actually got the idea out of the
Martha Stewart Living magazine;' Simons
reports. "We ordered them from the local
supermarket bakery in a variety of flavors
brought scads of food to our tasting, came to
Let bubbles flow from a Sofia
Coppola mini.
To make sure you really save money,
remember to think buffet rather than sit down
(no servers needed), skip dessert (Why compete with a cake?), look for caterers adver-
and had them specially decorated~
tised on craigslist or alternative newspapers, and ask local restaurants or
No matter what you decide, make sure you consider getting a cake
topper that reflects your life. This tradition is finally open to lesbians with
organic grocery stores if they have an employee who also caters.
cake toppers from Renellie, Inc., the first company to release interracial,
Bring on the Booze
interchangeable, same-sex cake topper porcelain figurines ($99.99 per
couple, www.renellie.com). They offer brides in gowns, a soft butch
Alcohol can be the most expensive item in your budget if you don't think
bride in a tuxedo dress and grooms that look, well, a lot like some dykes
smart. Step one: no open bar. Step two: Consider skipping alcohol alto-
I know.
gether, or serve only wine, which you can buy at bargain prices at a shop
like Trader Joe's. If you'd like to serve wine from lesbian vintners, try
Speaking of Food
If you've got friends willing to help, there's no reason you can't cater your
own reception or rehearsal dinner (we did the latter and everyone
pitched in). But don't think you can't afford a caterer, either. While our
Calico Red from Washington's Bergevin Lane Vineyards ($18, bergevin
lane.com), Hip Chicks Do Wine's kitschy Riot Girl Rose, Bad Girl Blanc
and Drop Dead Red ($10 and up, hipchicksdowine.com)
DIVBride...
or Dancing
continued
onpage72
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IfYouLealize
It,They
WillCome
It's a scene that's becoming
increasingly commonplace in Canada. On a rainy Friday
in Vancouver, British Columbia, two women check into
a Hilton Hotel. On discovering the gals from Austin,
Texas, are here to get married, the hotel immediately
upgrades them to a suite and sends them a massive
bouquet of flowers. "It seemed like everyone in the hotel
was overjoyed and smiling;' says Suzanna Barber.
"That was really the most amazing thing;' adds
Kimery Poldrack. "Everyone was just so cool about it."
Indeed, after their ceremony that night at a nearby
restaurant, a woman celebrating her 28th wedding
anniversary with her husband stopped by their table to
congratulate them, gushing that it was wonderful to
see them starting their lives together. "You have to
understand, this sort of thing doesn't exactly happen in
Texas every day," Poldrack says.
Since same-sex marriage became legal in Canada
during the summer of 2005, thousands of American
couples have marched north to tie the knot. That's
good news not just for Canadians but couples around
the world, as Canadian marriage laws have no residency requirements, unlike the other four countries and
Hudson Nuptials helps American couples tie the knot in Canada
the state of Massachusetts that have legalized same-sex marriages. In
definitely more gay-positive than others. And, as in the United States,
most Canadian provinces, you can fly in, apply for a license and get mar-
marriage falls under a provincial (or state) jurisdiction, which adds local
ried on the same day. Of the nearly 3,000 gay couples who have
complications. For instance, Montreal, perhaps Canada's gayest and
exchanged vows at Toronto's City Hall since 2003, almost 1,200 have
most romantic city, is expecting thousands to attend this summer's first
been Americans. Last summer, Rosie O'Donnell and Kelli Carpenter
ever Outgames (July 29-Aug. 5). But if you come to the Outgames plan-
O'Donnell's R Family Vacations famously chartered an ocean liner from
ning to squeeze in a trip down the aisle, you should know that Quebec
New York with 2,000 gay and lesbian parents and their children. When
requires couples - straight and gay - to apply for a marriage license 20
they arrived in Halifax, Nova Scotia, 10 couples stepped off the
days in advance of the wedding. Better to hop across the border to the
Norwegian Dawn and got married dockside at Pier 21.
Canada's first openly gay judge, Harvey Brownstone, has married
nation's capital of Ottawa, Ontario, or get married in Toronto during Pride
Week celebrations (June 19-25), which attract up to a million revelers.
hundreds of gay couples (he offers his services for free), making the
The boom in international same-sex marriages in Canada has
pages of the New York Post and People for his pioneering work. Some
spawned a micro-industry in gay wedding planners. They differ signifi-
American couples are using their Canadian marriage licenses to advocate
cantly from their straight counterparts, acting as tour guides (booking
for spousal insurance benefits back home. But even if the marriages are
gay-friendly hotels, restaurants and excursions), legal experts (guiding
not recognized by U.S. governments, Brownstone says American couples
you through the process of getting a marriage license) and ceremony
are still eager to have their relationship given legal status in Canada.
planners (arranging for gay-positive or gay clergy and secular officials).
"The emotions are profound. There's usually not a dry eye in the office;'
Hudson Nuptials, run by Phil Connell, launched last fall to cater specif-
he says. "They are so blown away by the rights we have here in Canada. The
ically to Americans planning small, upscale destination weddings in
process of getting a wedding license to them is hugely significant, and they
Toronto. For Washington, D.C., couple Kristen and Gretchen, who were
can't believe that a judge has the authority to convey this status on them~
married this past December, they organized an intimate ceremony and
Couples say marriage makes a political and emotional statement to
spa-style long weekend at the Windsor Arms boutique hotel, a favorite
their friends, family and community that their relationship is meaningful
hangout for Hollywood stars during the Toronto International Film Festival.
and lasting - and that's what they take home. Brownstone explains:
"We're both really busy people;' says Kristen, "so we wanted some-
"They are not just people who love each other and live together, but they
one to facilitate absolutely everything so that we could focus more on the
have a status, dignity, equality, respect. I ask every couple I marry, does
symbolism of what this means to us:' On arrival, the couple met with a
it make a difference? And even couples who have been together. 30
gay United Church minister who would marry them the next day.
years say, yes, it does:'
But getting hitched in a foreign country does have some hitches chiefly knowing the lay of the land. Like any country, some regions are
40 MAY 2006
"She helped us understand and translate our gut feelings into
exactly what we wanted for the ceremony;' says Kristen. "It was pretty
amazing. I can't believe how intense it was to say the vows." Hudson
z
z
::c
0
z
...,
w
Nuptials videotaped the ceremony, which the couple will
show at a party for friends back in D.C.
Pride Bride, based in Winnipeg, Manitoba Gust north of
Minneapolis), have organized hundreds of ceremonies across
Canada over the past four years, but have increasingly
focused on staging weddings in its funky hometown. (If you
like summer arts festivals, you'll love Winnipeg.) Partners Rita
Leonard and Paula Rutledge have helped a gay couple tie the
knot on a yacht and two cowboys get married home on the
range. One of their favorites was helping two gals get hitched
in their small hometown: Pride Bride ran a block on homophobic vendors and sussed out friendly types, leaving the
brides to party worry free.
In Vancouver, Taylore Darnel and Daiana Leask, partners in
life and in their business Belles and Balls, have been helping
gay couples get married for three years, straight couples for
nearly 20. They've staged weddings in a 1,000-year-old rainforest, at the gay end of Vancouver's famous Wreck Beach
(clothing optional} and on top of the city's ski mountain.
Increasingly, they're taking couples to destination sites such
as Salt Spring Island to marry on a cliff overlooking the ocean
A CANADIAN PRIMER
Here are a few leads to get you
started on your Canadian wedding.
Toronto City Hall Wedding
Chambers: Call ahead to book at
(416) 363-0316 or visit
marryus.org.
Metropolitan Community
Church of Toronto: MCC offers
both religious and nonreligious
ceremonies, from C$500-850.
Call (416) 406-6228 ext. 170 or
visit mcctoronto.com.
Belles and Balls: Based in
Vancouver, call (888) 540-7455
or visit bellesandballs.com.
or to Whistler, where you can exchange vows on top of a
mountain, then take your guests hiking, mountain biking or skiing.
Belles and Balls helped Suzannaand Kimerystage their intimatewedding
for seven. Prior to the ceremony,the couple skied at Whistler, then married at
Hart House restaurant,set in a quaint Vancouverheritage house that offered
a private room with a fireplace for the ceremony.They wanted a wedding that
was about tradition, but not politics, and that was poignant, yet secular.
Hudson Nuptials: Based in
Toronto, call (416) 628-4380 or
visit hudsonnuptials.com.
OutbyView: Based in Montreal,
these gay and lesbian travel agents
can also help plan your wedding
in Montreal, but keep in mind,
Quebec requires you to apply for
a wedding certificate 20 days
before your marriage. Call (866)
966-8829 or visit outbyview.com.
Pride Bride: Based in Winnipeg,
call (204) 223-0862 or visit pridebride.com.
"We hoped for a fairy tale and we got better:' says Suzanna. "The
whole ceremony was incredibly magical and a lasting experience. It was
apolitical, yet when the [the wedding commissioner] said you are now
legally married, it wasn't just significant for us as a couple, it was significant in a public way for others. It's a legal recognition of what we believe
in our hearts:'
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Curve
41
Playing
Dress
Up
It doesn't always have to be about the puffy gown.
"The
•.
nUffi bef One queStlOn,
"
says TwoBrides.com's Kathryn
Hamm, for lesbians getting married is, "what am I going to wear?" Hamm says TwoBrides.com
is developing relationships with designers and a major bridal retailer who understand the
needs of lesbian couples, but, Hamm says, in the meantime, keep a few things in mind.
If you absolutely want a traditional gown, learn the lingo by reading the only lesbian-friendly
bridal magazine, The Knot, to understand terms like princess, empire and A-line. Several
designers love to work with lesbian couples. New York's Birnbaum & Bullock (birnbaumand
bullock.com) are gay designers who have always worked with lesbian couples and have shown
a commitment to the queer community. Also accustomed to LGBT betrothed, Alfred Angelo
(alfredangelo.com) has one of the widest ranges of wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses,
including plus sizes. Also consider New York-based Simple Silhouettes (simpledress.com), a
company that has worked with lesbian couples to design lovely custom-made bridal wear. "And
we'd love to do more!" says founder and designer Christina Dalle Pezze.
If you're more interested in a suit than a dress, don't fear that women are forbidden at tuxedo
shops. Among the numerous tuxedo designers we called, Lord West
Formalwear
(tuxedos.com/lordwest.html), shown here, on our lovely models has worked with lesbian couples
and was the most eager to show its committment to the LGBT community.
Some tuxedo rental companies are better than others when it comes to accommodating
lesbians. After Hours in California (afterhours.com) has affordably fitted the lesbians and transfolk in several wedding parties without batting an eyelash, but first ask your local tuxedo shop
if it works with same-sex couple. In Memphis, for example, American Tuxedo (901-761-2848)
advertises in the local LG BT magazine Family and Friends with photos of women and men
outfitted in tuxes. (Lord West can be found nationwide. Supply your own girl.)
42 MAY 2006
Like NowhereLise
ladies love the
lord West Formal
Wear tuxedos and so do we - in
various styles (left
top and bottom).
Atop an ocean
bluff is a great
setting for these
Alfred Angeloadorned brides
(this page).
Curve
43
Portraits
ofMarria
e
As the lights dim over packed pews
in San Francisco's majestic Grace Cathedral, the hum of conversation
fades to a whisper. Conductor Kathleen McGuire steps onto a platform
facing the stage. The stage lights come up, revealing the world-famous
San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus, dressed in tuxedoes. It's their 27th
annual Pride concert, and McGuire - the first woman to lead the 200member chorus - conducts them through a series of songs, including
Sweet Honey in the Rock's stirring "Would You Harbor Me'.'
Later that evening, the Gay Men's Chorus steps aside as the
Lesbian/Gay Chorus of San Francisco gathers onstage, dressed in crisp
white shirts and rainbow ties. Conductor Stephanie Smith leads the chorus through a program of popular favorites, including a raucous rendition
of k.d. lang's "Big Boned Gal'.'
Smith and McGuire not only hold two of the most powerful positions
in the LG BT classical music world, they also happen to be married to
each other. When I ask how they keep their marriage flourishing in the
midst of the very public, queer classical music scene, they tell me their
lives couldn't really work any other way. In the past, both swore they'd
never be with another musician but, as McGuire says, "It's hard to find
people who will tolerate the hours'.'
Smith notes, "Past partners loved seeing me onstage, but they weren't
willing to go through what it took to get me onstage. . .. The fact that I
could have a 10 p.m. rehearsal was just not acceptable. I should have
been home cooking dinner'.'
I ask if they ever become competitive or jealous of each other's successes. "No, not at all," McGuire says. "Our focuses are so different. We
play different instruments. I play guitar; Stephanie was a child piano prodigy. I compose; Stephanie doesn't:'
Smith adds, "Kathleen loves a big room, loves cpnducting an orchestra .... I like chamber music. And our choruses are so much different. Her
chorus is classy, and my chorus is a little trashy." She laughs and says, "I
like that. I'm from Texas."
Though McGuire and Smith knew of each other in the 1990s while
they were both at the University of Colorado at Boulder - where McGuire
was a graduate student and Smith an undergraduate - they did not begin
dating until 2003, after both had moved to San Francisco and had
become acquainted professionally. They were married in a public domestic partnership ceremony on the main stage at San Francisco Pride in
2003. McGuire says it was fantastic: "The city even provided the champagne and chocolate'.'
They were later married by friend and California State Assembly member Mark Leno on Feb. 28, 2004, during San Francisco's month of legal
marriage. Despite only two hours' notice before the wedding, 30 to 40
members of the SFG MC attended the ceremony, thanks to a phone tree
organized by one of the men.
Neither McGuire nor Smith thought they would feel different after
being married at City Hall, but they were surprised to find that they truly
felt more married. McGuire says, "Putting the ring on and saying the same
vows you grow up hearing straight people say is incredibly powerful.u
Smith agrees: "These symbols are important."
That symbol, unfortunately, is denied to McGuire and Smith not only
because of legal barriers to same-sex marriage but because they are a
44 MAY 2006
Conductors Smith and McGuire make beautiful music
binational couple; McGuire is Australian.
Under U.S. law, her relationship with Smith gives her no immigration
rights. She was able to obtain a green card under the "extraordinary ability" clause, but that means she must be employed in her present position
to remain in the country. If the couple were to move to Australia, Smith
would have the right to work and live in the country as McGuire's partner.
Though Australia has not legalized gay marriage, the country recognizes
committed live-in relationships between two people of one year or more.
But despite that option, they choose to remain in the United States. "San
Francisco is ground zero for gay activism;' McGuire says. "You can effect
change from San Francisco that touches the rest of the world'.'
In addition to fighting for same-sex marriage and immigration rights,
both McGuire and Smith are dedicated to a more compassionate form of
Christianity. Both come from conservative Christian backgrounds:
McGuire from a strict Australian Methodist family and Smith from the
Southern Baptist tradition. Through their jobs and their marriage, they
work to reclaim Christianity for the gay community; Smith also conducts
the chorus at the Metropolitan Community Church, the world's leading
LGBT church.
McGuire believes that the choruses provide an "emotional home" for
the gay community. "The music;' she explains, "is a means to an end'.'
Genesis Moss and Beth Shaw
Palm Springs Perfection By Kathy Beige
Life can be stressful even for a yoga instructor,
especially one who owns a multimillion-dollar company in the heart of Los Angeles. That's why it's
important to have your own little retreat. For Yoga Fit owner Beth Shaw and her partner, Genesis
Moss (The Real World), Palm Springs is that oasis. So it seems fitting that they decided to get
married on the patio of their Palm Springs retreat.
Moss proposed to Shaw after they had been together for
about six months. "We were in bed;' Shaw recalls. "She went
and got a ring, and she gave it to me and told me she wanted
to spend the rest of her life with me."
They were married in October 2004 in a semiformal Buddhist
ceremony.Their dogs were ring bearers, and in typical dyke fashion, Moss' ex-partner's new partner officiated the ceremony.
Moss continues to be a regular on reality TV; most recently
she was featured on Logo's Real Gay, a show about openly gay
reality TV show cast members. Meanwhile, Shaw runs both her
Genesis and Beth
yoga studio and the nonprofit organization Visionary Women in
Fitness, where she teaches fitness, yoga and wellness skills to
low-income women. "Our relationship is great;' Shaw says. "We're very opposite personality types,
and that can be challenging. It can also be an opportunity at the same time:'
As for their future, Shaw would like to bring aspects of her nonprofit venture to the lesbian community. "There are a lot of improvements that can be made in the lesbian community in terms of
health and wellness:• she says. And Moss would like to volunteer with gay and lesbian youth. Shaw
considers Moss' plans and jokes, "You're going to be the mayor of Palm Springs one
Alice Dodd and Jillian Armenante
Yin and Yang By Kathy Beige
Do straight partners get married multiple times -
to each other? Lesbians certainly do. Actors Alice Dodd and Jillian Armenante (both have appeared
on Judging Amy) have walked down the aisle three times in their 10-year relationship.
After five years together, Dodd and Armenante held a big· 200-guest wedding in New Jersey.
"Alice wore my mom's wedding gown;• Armenante says. And later in Las Vegas, on a whim, they held
a second, quickie wedding.
More recently, in February 2004, they were among the
thousands who lined up for hours in the rain at the San
Francisco City Hall to legally tie the knot. Armenante remembers, "My mother-in-law was visiting and I thought, as soon as
she leaves, we're getting in the car. She was here for four or
five days. We dropped her off at the airport and took off. I
couldn't get there fast enough. We got there at 4:30 in the
morning and got in line. It was 40 degrees and raining. It was
a pretty amazing experience:'
She continues, "After a huge 200-person wedding, and
Alice and Jillian
then to have the one that's legally binding be the one where you
walk up to a post office wearing no bra and a T-shirt [is ironic]:'
Since the weddings in California were annulled, Armenante and Dodd have become registered
domestic partners. These days the two are focused on their 1-year-old daughter, Hazel, who has
been getting used to life with two thespian moms. When she was just 3 months old, the family hit
the road for four months while Armenante shot two movies back-to-back and filmed Judging Amy.
The secret to their success? "We make a good team:' Armenante says. "We're very different.
She's the soprano; I'm the alto. She's the intellectual reader; I'm the visually creative type. We tend
to complement each other instead of working against each other. Yin and yang:'
Carve
45
Going
totheCourthouse
A primer on what's what in the fight for marriage equality. By Malinda Lo
At 5 :45 in the morning on Tuesday,Feb. 17, 2004,
Alaska, Hawaii voters approved in 1998 an amendment to the state
a phone call came from my friends Dawn and Hyde. They had been wait-
constitution that banned gay marriage - just in time to prevent any gay
ing outside San Francisco City Hall in a chilly, early morning drizzle since
or lesbian couples from marrying there.
4 a.m., joining what would grow to thousands of gay and lesbian couples
Thankfully, scarcely a year later Vermont's Supreme Court declared
eager to get married - legally - since the city started issuing marriage
that preventing same-sex couples from marrying violated the state's con-
licenses to same-sex couples. "Will you meet us in line?" Dawn asked.
stitution, and in 2000, Gov. Howard Dean signed the nation's first state
"We need a witness!"
civil union law, granting same-sex partners "all the same benefits, protec-
I had never been an enthusiastic supporter of same-sex marriage, hav-
tions and responsibilities under law ... as are granted to spouses in a
ing doubts about the entire institution of marriage itself, but that morning I
marriage;' Since 2000, it seems that courts all across the country have
found my opinions changing. After standing in line for nearly six hours with
been stepping forward to declare that gays and lesbians have the right to
hundreds of giddy gay and lesbian couples, it became blatantly obvious to
marry. In 2003, the Massachusetts Supreme Court also ruled that not
me that denying same-sex couples the right to legally marry was simple,
allowing same-sex marriage was unconstitutional discrimination, later
straightforward discrimination. Not only does being unable to marry exclude
clarifying that civil unions were not sufficient either, and in May 2004, the
gays and lesbians from those famous 1,138 federal legal benefits of mar-
first same-sex couples in Massachusetts were married.
riage, including the right to visit your spouse while she's dying in a hospital,
it smacks of shame and a lasting legacy of homophobia.
Though the media have only recently latched onto same-sex marriage
The triumph in Massachusetts has been offset by a disturbing tide of
conservatism; in 2004, voters in 11 states approved state constitutional
amendments that ban same-sex marriage. And just over a month after San
as a hot-button topic, the first lawsuit to challenge the exclusion of gay and
Francisco's queer marital bliss began, the California Supreme Court
lesbian couples from civil marriage was filed in 1971 , in Minnesota. Little
ordered the city to stop issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian cou-
real progress was made until 1993, when Hawaii's Supreme Court ruled
ples and annulled the 4,000 marriages that had been performed.
that denying same-sex couples the right to marry was akin to sexual dis-
But these setbacks haven't stopped a battery of gay marriage advo-
crimination. Unfortunately, in a turn of events that would later be echoed in
cates from moving forward on a variety of fronts, both legislative and
0
u
u
0
a:
w
<
:I:
V,
46 MAY 2006
Resources
Marriage Equality USA
judicial, since 2004. Connecticut became the
second state to offer civil unions to same-sex
partners, in April 2005. And the California
State Legislature became the first state legislature to pass a bill legalizing same-sex marriage,
which Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger quickly
moved to veto, stating that he preferred to let
the California Supreme Court decide the issue
- an ironic move when most opponents of
(marriageequality.org) offers a wideranging guide to the state of same-sex
marriage in the United States and
around the world.
The National Center for Lesbian
Rights (nclrights.org) provides legal
resources and assistance, including
information on what to do if you and
your partner want to get married in
Canada.
The Human Rights Campaign
determine the fate of gay marriage.
Meanwhile, same-sex marriage has been
(hrc.org) offers state-by-state
information on the legal status of
same-sex marriage, civil unions and
domestic partnerships.
legalized in a number of foreign countries, including the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain and
A Legal Guide for Lesbian & Gay
Couples, 13th ed. (nolo.com) pro-
same-sex marriage decry so-called "judicial
activism" and argue that lawmakers should
Canada. While many American citizens find the
idea of fleeing north to get hitched quite appeal·
ing, National Center for Lesbian Rights staff
attorney Courtney Joslin cautions that "there are
issues that couples are going to experience
because it's likely that their home state in the
United States will not recognize the marriage;'
Many issues also arise for binational couples,
who unfortunately have few, if any, options at this
time to legalize their relationship in the United
States. "We strongly advise any binational couples to speak to an immigration attorney prior to
[entering a domestic partnership, civil union or
same-sex marriage] because . . . it can present
immigration problems for the non-U.S. citizen:'
Joslin says. "It can be read as an indication that
the person intends to remain in the country, and
it could present problems for them. Currently the
federal government does not recognize mar·
riages between same-sex couples, so entering
vides up-to-date, practical advice on
how to work with the law to protect
your relationship, from property laws
to medical decisions and everything
in between.
The Muses Legal Guide to Living
Together (musesproducts.com) pro-
vides more than 150 legal documents
for unmarried domestic partners on
CD-ROM, with subjects ranging
from co-parenting to estate planning.
Francisco marriages is still under appeal. You
might not be able to head to the chapel - or
the courthouse - just yet, but that doesn't
mean you won't be able to in the future.
NORTHAMPTON
Saturday
May 6, 2006
Northampton,
MA
States that allow same-sex civil
unions: Connecticut, Vermont
States with some same-sex domestic
partner benefits: Hawaii, Illinois,
York; in Washington state, the Supreme Court
might issue a decision as early as this month;
and in California, the status of the San
2006
Massachusetts
immigration status;'
There are no clear-cut solutions for pro·
tecting the legal status of your same-sex rela-
your union. Plus, it seems that the tide may be
turning in our favor. In 2006, significant court
cases are brewing in New Jersey and New
Pride
------
State that allows same-sex marriage:
States that allow same-sex domestic
partnerships: California, Maine, New
particular state's laws regarding domestic
partnerships or civil unions, you can legalizing
YEARS OF
The Laws
Where You Live
into any of those statuses does not allow the
U.S. citizen to sponsor their same-sexpartner for
tionship at this time, but by researching your
CELEBRATE
25 YEARS
OF DIVERSITY
Jersey, District of Columbia
Iowa, New Mexico, New York,
Oregon, Rhode Island, Washington,
District of Columbia
States with constitutional amendments against same-sex marriage:
Arkansas, Georgia, Kansas,
Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan,
Mississippi, Missouri, Montana,
Nevada, North Dakota, Ohio,
Oklahoma, Oregon, Texas, Utah
State voting on a same-sex marriage
amendment this year: Idaho
curve
47
It's a sad but inevitable progression
of events for far too many of us. First comes love, then comes marriage
(or civil union, domestic partnership or what have you). And then, a few
years after the bit about the baby carriage, $Orne lesbian moms will
undoubtedly find themselves in family court, each woman arguing for
custody of her offspring.
For some, it's an experience tempered by love of the children, where
each party puts aside her acrimony long enough to come to an agreement that meets everyone's needs.
For others, it's just a knock-down, drag-out fight. Just like their straight
counterparts, some women fight fair, and some don't. In a few notable
cases, some lesbians have even invoked anti-gay legislation and homophobic legal precedent against their former partners, a tactic that can
hurt all of us.
Last year, for example, saw the end of a custody battle between two
San Diego lesbians that put the legal rights of thousands of children in
jeopardy when one attempted to negate the parental rights of the other
by claiming that California law does not permit second-parent adoptions.
Though an appellate panel of the California Court of Appeals initially
agreed, that decision was finally reversed when Sharon S. v. Superior
Court of San Diego reached the California Supreme Court.
48 MAY 2006
Organizations like Lambda Legal, the National Center for Lesbian
Rights, the American Civil Liberties Union and others are doing their best
to hold the line. But, as drama after real-life drama has played out in the
courts nationwide in recent years, we're reminded just how tenuous a hold
we have on the rights that protect our families. Sure, we've had a few victories in some states, but we've also had our share of negative outcomes.
Truth be told, lesbians fighting one another is only part of the problem. The steady stream of new anti-gay legislation has also significantly
eroded our abilities to safeguard our rights as parents - and this has an
impact on custody matters as well.
The Legislature in Oklahoma, for example, passed a law in 2004 that
would nullify all adoptions by same-sex couples - even for couples visiting, but not living in, the state. (Lambda Legal has filed a federal lawsuit
in response.) And a court in Indiana recently came to the astounding
conclusion that families headed by lesbians and gay men don't need
legal protections at all. It took a highly circular argument to get there, but
that court asserted that we don't need governmental support because
we tend to plan for our children much more than heterosexuals do. (But,
if we had more support, wouldn't we have less need for legal planning?)
Though it's tempting when discussing family law to focus only on the
cases that challenge a parent's right to custody, Hayley Gorenberg,
deputy legal director at Lambda Legal, warns against taking such a sim-
WHY IT MATTERS: This decision clarified that same-sex parents
plistic approach. "Cases about benefits, relationship protection, domes-
are judged by the same standards used in cases involving heterosexual
tic partnership and marriage all interrelate and can influence children's
nonbiological parents.
security in their families;' she says.
The case that has had perhaps the biggest impact on custody cases
nationwide involving same-sex couples actually had nothing overtly to do
with parental rights.
THE CASE:
Miller-Jenkins
v. Miller-Jenkins
STATUS: Awaiting
decision.
AN OVERVIEW: Janet Miller-Jenkins and her former partner, Lisa
At its most basic level, Lawrence v. Texas, the landmark decision
Miller-Jenkins, were joined in a Vermont civil union and had a child
issued by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2003, overturned bans on sodomy.
together, who is now a toddler. After the couple separated, Lisa
But Lawrence did more than simply vindicate John Lawrence and Tyron
moved to Virginia with their daughter and asked a Vermont court to
Garner, the two men at the center of the case who were arrested for
dissolve the civil union and assign custody. When that court ordered
engaging in private, consensual sex in Lawrence's Houston home; it also
visitation for Janet, Lisa filed a new lawsuit in Virginia, and used that
opened the door for more lesbians and gay men to stand up for their
state's anti-gay marriage law to have herself declared the child's sole
rights in other situations.
legal parent.
"The Lawrence case means that the rights of lesbian and gay adults
WHY IT MATTERS: The two states involved have issued conflict-
to form intimate, private relationships can't be restricted by the govern-
ing court orders and this conflict must be resolved. (The ruling from
ment based upon moral judgments, including views on homosexuality;'
Vermont orders regular visitation for Janet, and the ruling from Virginia
Gorenberg explains. "Because Lawrence threw out laws across the
names Lisa the sole parent.)
nation that criminalized sodomy, lesbian and gay parents can't be labeled
criminals for their private, consensual relationships:'
THE CASE:
K.M. v. E.G.
decisions involving same-sex parents nationwide. That case, decided in
STATUS: Victory!
AN OVERVIEW: E.G. was implanted with an egg from her partner,
K.M., and gave birth to twins. The couple co-parented until they separat-
2000, held that parents should be able to make decisions on how to
ed in 2002. Afterward, E.G., the gestational mother, refused to allow
Another "biggie;' Troxel v. Granville, didn't even weigh in specifically
on lesbian and gay issues, yet has had a huge impact on child custody
care for their children free of moral judgments by the state, period. This
K.M.,the genetic mother, to see the children. When K.M. filed for custody
protection extends, of course, to moral judgments about sexual orienta-
and visitation, E.G. claimed that K.M. had no right to see or speak to the
tion and gender identity.
children on the grounds that, when they were in the hospital for the ovum
A number of important decisions have been issued recently, and several
donation, K.M. signed a standard hospital form that, unbeknownst to her,
cases remain pending. Have a look at what's at stake, with an overview of
"waived" her parental rights. Initially, the Marin County Superior Court
some of the big cases from this year's docket and the prior one.
commission held that K.M. was not a parent because she signed the
THE CASE:
California Supreme Court reversed the decision and held that both
B.F. v. T.D.
hospital form. The Court of Appeals agreed. Late last summer, the
STATUS: Awaiting
appeal.
AN OVERVIEW: A Kentucky couple together for nearly 10 years
women are legal parents to their twin girls.
decided to adopt a child after they were unable to get pregnant.
children born to same-sex parents through assisted reproduction must
Because the laws surrounding second-parent adoptions for same-sex
be determined by the same rules applied to other such children.
WHY IT MATTERS: The court found that the legal parentage of
couples are murky in Kentucky, only one mother, T.D., legally adopted
their child. When the child was 6 years old, the couple separated, and
T.D. left with the child and refused B.F. any contact. B.F. petitioned in
family court for visitation rights. The court held that B.F. did not have
CAN IT HAPPEN
TO YOU?
Bitter child custody battles that play themselves out in court often
standing to seek custody, a ruling that was later affirmed by the Kentucky
emerge under the worst of circumstances. Unfortunately for many chil-
Court of Appeals. B.F. is now seeking a review of her case with the
dren and their estranged parents, the ordinary tensions of a breakup are
Kentucky Supreme Court.
WHY IT MATTERS: Recognition of intended and psychological par-
a justice system that can be overtly hostile to our kind of families, you've
enting becomes especially important in states where second-parent
got a terrible recipe for disaster. Take steps now to avoid the heartache
adoptions are not available.
of a custody battle:
THE CASE:
Jones
v. Boring
only amplified by our adversarial legal system. When you add to the mix
Formally recognize the value that each of you brings to your children's
lives and vow always to respect that value, now and forever.
STATUS: Victory!
AN OVERVIEW: Patricia Jones and Ellen Boring, together for 14
event that the two of you break up, and state your intentions in writing.
years, are parents to twins. When the couple separated in 2001, a court
If you haven't done so already, take steps now to create lasting legal
Make a commitment that you and your partner will seek mediation in the
awarded joint custody to the mothers and gave primary physical custody
bonds between both parents and their children. This may require that
to Boring, who is the biological parent. Later, a dispute arose between
the nonbirth mother legally adopt her partner's children, or otherwise
the two women and Jones sought and gained primary physical custody.
establish parental rights.
Boring appealed, claiming that the children could not be remo~ed from
Remember that any legal action you may take against a former part-
her custody without a court finding that she is unfit - a much more strin-
ner could have impact that extends well beyond your relationship.
gent standard than is applied to heterosexual parents. The Superior
Vow never to be the one who selfishly or unwittingly sets back civil
Court of Pennsylvania found Boring's argument to be invalid, and Jones
rights for thousands of other same-sex couples by attempting an
retained primary physical custody of the children.
unfair solution to your problems.
Curve
49
and the Bees
When you're a lesbian morn, having
takes on a V\/hole different meaning.
When it comes to rece1v1ng rude
"the talk"
By Beren
deMotier
Even a best buddy recently asked (with every good intention) whether
questions about our "lifestyle;' lesbianism is small potatoes compared to
we had yet had the talk with our teenage son. My spouse looked at her
home schooling our eighth grader. People want to know how we're
blankly. "The talk? Which talk? We talk about all kinds of things;'
doing it, why we're doing it, and what in the world do we think we'~e
"You know;' her friend went on. "The talk;'
doing? Generally they are assuaged - if I'm not in the mood to tell them
My.wife set her straight. First of all, she told her, another kid - one of
to sod off - by our explanation of online school, a tutor, and literature and
her moms is a nurse midwife, the other a professor of nursing - jumped
language arts at home.
in with the mechanics before we ever got a chance and whipped out a
Then they ask, "But what about health? You know, the talk?" with a shudder indicating how little they would want to tackle the subject themselves.
photo album chronicling her younger brother's birth, which our oldest
brought to us with the comment, "I think you have some explaining to do;'
It's strange how often the talk has come up. Since we first had our
Pubiic school handled the next phase and, thanks to our third child,
oldest son 14 years ago, we've faced rude interrogations about how we
well, what haven't we talked about, ever since we had "The Poky Little
would handle the manly arts or talk about those sensitive subjects only
Penis" wandering around naked half the time?
a father could manage, as if we were ignorant lesbos without a smattering of biological know-how.
Little Penis went up the hill, and then tumble bumble, down he went;'
50 MAY 2006
It's like some twisted children's book around our house: "The Poky
Baby brothers are so useful to have around when you want to talk about
potentially delicate masculine subjects. How embarrassing can erections
be when there's a toddler running by with his hand in his diaper saying,
"Feel penis;' and who describes his own erections as "poky:'
Allegedly, some toddler boys aren't as fascinated with their privates as
ours, though I can't imagine why. To him, it's just a toy that comes along
which will inevitably come - specifically, how we feel about it. Insisting
to our kids that they legally marry first is probably out, since hypocrisy is
a bad value for a role model, though we could push for a "committed,
caring, long-term relationship:'
And when they ask what we ourselves did before we were "wed"? I
might have lied and said that I saved myself for their mother (which our
wherever he goes, so it makes sense he'd want to play with it (and I've
kids might have liked to believe, especially since their other mother did
been assured by many dads that that doesn't much change with age).
It is a little hard to ignore, though. Recently our 10-year-old daughter
for me), but the truth recently came out, and I sank a good 10 points in
the mom-o-meter with our daughter, who stared at me open-mouthed at
asked, "Alright, so what causes an erection anyway?" That led to a dis-
the admission that I had sex with boys in my teens and would spare her
cussion of thoughts, excitement, adrenaline and blood flow - things I'd
the details.
prefer she find out about now instead of later, and preferably not in the
back seat of a Honda.
tion, birth control, pregnancy, infertility, adoption, drugs, drinking, rape,
In more general discussions, we've spared few details about abor-
"Our 1 0-year-old daughter can do a good blow-by-blow
of how artificial
insemination
is accomplished,
and her imitation of the fallopian tubes
reaching out for the released ovum has to be seen to be believed:'
Actually, our daughter is pretty biologically savvy. She can do a good
blow-by-blow of how artificial insemination is accomplished, and her imi-
nutrition, divorce or why working at McDonald's is a less beneficial job
for a high school kid than being a swim instructor.
tation of the fallopian tubes reaching out for the released ovum has to be
seen to be believed.
It's amazing what you can talk about while pushing a stroller with a teen.
I'm sure we've missed some bases, and the school would have
missed others, but we're trying. One of the nice things about having a lit-
Our older son is no slouch in the biology department himself; he's
been so into the animal kingdom from the time he could speak that even
tle guy around is that now our oldest son is the man in the family, the "big
without the public school sex education (or the photo essay on childbirth), he'd have known a lot, though not all of it would have been appli-
guy" who can teach his little brother when to keep his hand out of his diaper and when he can get away with it. In 10 years, maybe he'll be hav-
cable to human relations or legal in the Southern states.
What I'm not looking forward to is the discussion of premarital sex
••
ing the talk with that little brother, too. Because whether it is out and
proud or discreetly covered, the poky little penis is here to stay.
Call toll-free 1-877-794-8037 to receive the "It's Only Natural" pocket guide or check
MySwitzerland.com for more information and packages.
curve
s1
By Sarah Warn
In this classic, pre-L Word interview with Katherine Moennig, the hottie behind
Shane talks about her expectations for the little lesbian show we've come to love.
Katherine Moennig plays Shane on The L Word,
thelesbianwhohooksupwithadifferentwoman
each night because she "doesn't do relationships:' Moennig, who grew up in Philadelphia and moved to New York when she was 18, has previ-
ously been best known for playing a girl pretending to be a boy in the WB's series Young Americans, a fitting precursor to the gender-bending
Shane. Months before the first episode of The L Word aired, Moennig shared with us her perspective on her role, and the series overall.
How would you describe the story and tone of The L Word?
Part of the beauty with the show is that there is so much going on. Every
character is so different than the other that it gives a whole spectrum
of personality, and as the story progresses it will only add to that.
Also, what I love is that it doesn't put these women in boxes. The story
line is a very honest and realistic view on life and how [these characters] deal with it.
How would you describe Shane, the character you play?
I'm still trying to describe Shane for myself but on the outside Shane is
someone who is a very sexual being and extremely comfortable with
that. People's opinions about her don't faze her and she lives the way
she wants to and basically can get whoever she wants. And at the
same time [Shane] also is very alone in the search for what she
wants.
How are you similar or dissimilar to Shane?
52 MAY 2006
I certainly think there are similarities between myself and Shane. There
has to be. In every role you play you have to start with you, since
you're the root. I can relate to a lot of what she is going through in the
inside. And in the ways that I differ from her, I find that I learn more
about myself.
How do you think The L Word is different from Queer as Folk?
The only relation our show has to Queer as Folk is that they are both gayoriented stories on Showtime. It's easy to relate the two, but I think
once people see our show the differences will be evident. One is
about men and the other is about women. That sets the tone already.
As you probably know, The L Word is the first television series
about lesbians; do you think this development reflects a last•
ing and positive change in Hollywood, or just an attempt to
capitalize on the latest trend?
I would hope it would be a positive change in Hollywood, and I think it will.
Slowly but surely women are having a stronger and
more substantial voice in film and TV, and I think the
show will only help propel that. The credit goes to
Ilene Chaiken for creating such a wonderful truthful
story with such rich, three-dimensional characters.
And to be honest we're given a chance to help
speak for a community that hasn't had much of a
voice in the past. Why not capitalize on it?
Hollywood and life in general are all about timing. This
is a prime moment to air a show on this subject, so
I think ... why not? Strike while the iron is hot.
Do you think The L Word is likely to be a success
(financially and critically)?
I envision the show to be financially and critically
acclaimed. By continuing to open people's minds
through alternative voices there will hopefully be
more compassion and openness to another way of
thinking, and with that comes financial and critical
acclaim. We do this in the hope that it will be successful in every way.
Are you at all concerned that playing a lesbian
character will negatively impact your career?
I don't look at it as having a positive or negative impact.
I see it as a chance to explore another part of
myself and to learn something that's beyond positive. Everything is a stepping stone and that's how
I see this. And if it is a risk and a little scary, then
that's all the more reason to do it. Right now I'm
focusing on giving this character a voice, and if I do
that, I can't see that as being a negative thing. And
just because I'm playing this role doesn't mean I
can't do something else. That's the beauty of being
an
Excerpted with permission from Reading The L Word:
Outing Contemporary Television, ed. Kim Akass and
Janet McCabe,© 2006 (1.8.Tauris).
Putting Lesbians at the Center
In this excerpt from her introduction to Reading The L Word, contributing
TO THOSE
WHO ARE STRAIGHT
OR
announcing
the series was buried in a larger
white (or both), and used to seeing reflections
press release from Showtime. I read it several
Although
my readership
at the time was very
small, women frorn all over the world found my
of themselves every time they turn around - on
times in disbelief. Someone was actually creating
article, read it. and forwarded
the covers of magazines in line at the grocery
a show about lesbians? Fortunately. I had a cre-
friends, who forwarded
store or at the doctor's office, on the big screen
ative outlet available: six months earlier, I had
so on. I started to get more and rnore e-mails
at the
started an entertainment Web site for lesbians
from women
neighborhood
movie theater,
or the
as a weekend hobby ...
gestions,
and
offering
even
the link to their
it to their friends, and
opinions,
complaints
casting
sug-
about
the
smaller screen at home on TV - it's difficult to
called AfterEllen.com
adequately describe what it feels like not to see
with a writer of one (m()). So the next day, after I
series - and it wc1s still a year beforn the first
episode debuted ....
reflections of yourself anywhere. It's even more
came home from work, I wrote a short article
difficult to convey what it feels like when you do
about
- the rush and jumble of emotion that is often
Earthlings
all out of proportion to the actual event itself.
That's how I felt the first time I learned about
The L Word. which was then titled Earthlings. It
was September
54 MAY 2006
of 2002.
and a paragraph
the
impending
series,
be the Lesbian
called
Queer
""Will
as Folk?"
(September 2002). and posted it on the site.
The response
was immediate,
with other
But love it or hate it, this series represents
the first - and so far, only - attempt
to make
lesbians.
bisexual
wornen,
,rnd to a lesser
extent,
of attention.
the center
Instead
of
lesbians expressing a similar mix of excitement
being forced to settle for one or two lesbian
and skepticism upon learning about the series.
cl1araLl1!rs alllong
;i
sea of heterosexuals,
How Do You Spell the L-Word?
A new collection of scholarly and popular articles tackles the TV show
that put the L-word on pop culture's map. By Malinda Lo
ALTHOUGH TELEVISION
HAS LONG BEEN SUBJECT
to academic scrutiny, in the last decade or so several scholarly disciplines have converged - film studies, cultural studies and queer theory
among them - to bring focused, critical attention to narrative television.
Kim Akass and Janet McCabe's new volume, Reading The L Word:
Outing Contemporary Television (I.B. Tauris), uses this multidisciplinary
approach to analyze Showtime's lesbian
drama. Akass and McCabe have grouped
together essays that appeal not only to theory mavens but to fans of The L Word. In
addition to the foreword by American queer
theorist Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, and academic analyses of heteronormativity and the
gaze, Reading contains a laugh-out-loud
analysis of Alice Pieszecki's Chart and interviews with L Word writer Guinevere Turner
and actress Erin Daniels.
This diverse group of articles comes
together on the shared experience of watching what has been, for lesbians and for queer studies scholars, one of the
most incredible television programs in recent history. In the book's preface,
Akass and McCabe pose the book's central question: "Visibility is one
thing. But at what price does that visibility come? And what form should it
take?" The writers approach the challenge of answering it by interrogating
the ways that The L Word represents - or doesn't represent - lesbians
and bisexual women, from a straightforward numbers game (How many
butches have you seen on The L Word lately?) to questioning whether
"representation" is a useful concept at all in critiquing the show.
Sarah Warn, the editor of AfterEllen.com (and one of CURVE'scontributing editors), argues in the introduction to Reading that "while we
might criticise (often justifiably) certain aspects of the series, for the most
part, that doesn't prevent us from enjoying it:' Her attitude likely reflects
many viewers' opinions of the show, and it is certainly reflected in the
essays featured in this book. Don't be put off by the academic criticism
that could sound like a highbrow dismissal of the show's merits beneath all the jargon lies genuine enthusiasm for The L Word and an
eagerness to unpack its significance to television, popular culture and
the lesbian community. For fans, this is an indispensable guide to what
scholars have been thinking about their favorite show, and it provides
some eye-opening ways to reconsider the issues of gender, sexuality and
identity raised by The L Word.
editor Sarah Warn reflects on what makes ·rhe L Word so significant.
lesbians finally get to see their lives and rela-
and offers an alternative view of lesbian life that
exist in a larger. beautiful
on The L Word.
doesn't cast us forever in the role of the outsider.
finally to know that we all exist as one larger.
tionships
front-and-center
context.
and then
and rela-
The idea that lesbians could be the norm, that
extended
for a change. We
the world could revolve around us for a change.
those connections
on television
and that there could be a lot of us, that 1s what
Word strives to accomplish."
whose lives resemble ours - a more beautiful
makes the show truly revolutionary, despite its
we may look back and conclude that this c1bili-
and
flaws. Many of the best scenes on The L Word
ty to elucidate connections.
occur when the characters are simply hanging
a sense of community among lesbians ;-iround
out together.
the world. is The L Words true legacy.
with
the heterosexual
tionships
finally have a group
successful
lives.
of people
version
to be sure.
interests.
but
and friendships
many lesbian viewers
whelmingly
characters
on the periphery
of most
with
lesbians'
conversations.
that resonate with
in a way that the over-
heterosexual
miss-it lesbian storylines
or blink-and-you'llon TV cannot.
Simply by introducing the concept of a group
Because despite all the high-
profile romances on the series, it is friendship
and a sense
of community
that forms
the
group is very fulfilling. To elucidate
... 1s one of the things The L
Years from now.
to ignite and create
Reading The L Word is our contribution
to
that effort.
bedrock of the show. ...
In accepting
an award for her role on The L
of lesbians, The L Word more realistically por-
Word in late 2004,
trays lesbian life than any other series to date.
know that you exist, and then to know that you
Jennifer Beals said. "To
Excerpted with pcr1rnss1on from Rcacflnn The L
Word: Outlnq Contcmpnrn,y
folcv1sion. <:cl. Kim
Akass and Janet McCabe. c 2006 (1.B. T;:wns).
CUrve
55
Some
dykes
marry
men,
and
staymarried,
formore
reasons
thanyouthink.
By Lori Selke
First, a confession: I am a bi
celebrated our 10th anniversary together.
dyke married to a man. I came out as a bisexual
Dykes marry men, and stay married to them, for
dyke in college. I quickly acquired a girlfriend, then
many reasons. Every relationship is, in the end,
an ex-girlfriend, and a circle of activist friends. I took
unique. But many dykes wedded to men feel social
courses in queer theory and feminist theory, and I pressure to keep their relationships quiet, to not talk
learned at the feet of elder separatists and other
about a certain side of their lives. It's an ironic twist
radical lesbians.
on the closet.
Four years later, I married my longtime boyfriend
in a small legal ceremony in Chicago. We recently
Here's a peek inside the door of four married
dykes' lives.
arried With Childre • She ie
"He's who I go to for advice. He's who I talk to about my girlfriends.
On the surface, Sherrie's story most closely resembles the stereotypical
He's totally like my lesbian ex;• she laughs. "We'd probably get divorced
story of a married dyke.
"I went from my parents' house to my husband's house;• she says.
Sherrie knew - in theory - that she liked women as well as men, and
attempts at filing the paperwork, but nothing has come of it yet.
now if it was less of a hassle:•Together,they've made several half-hearted
she informed her then-boyfriend of that fact, but she had never dated a
"I think there's a part of me that's happy with the way things are;' she
says. "Anybody whose ideas about sexuality and gender and orientation
woman before. She was seven months pregnant when the wedding
- if they're strict enough that this is a huge issue for them, we're not
took place.
Now she has two small children and lives in the New Jersey suburbs.
going to get along:'
She has lost sexual interest in her husband, or indeed in men in general.
"He's a good guy;' she says. "It's not his fault. We're still friends:•
Diana has no time for anyone who would question her dyke credentials. "I've only ever dated one guy in my life, and I've dated a million girls.
I'm not willing to prove anything to anyone at this point:'
In the meantime, Sherrie has started dating women. "I would love to
meet a woman, settle down - because now that I've actually been out
: Bets
there, I know what I'm missing:' But she finds her local community to be
a bit small - and sometimes, small-minded.
Certainly, not every marriage between a dyke and a dude can be
expected to last. But neither do such marriages always break up for the
"Sometimes when they find out you're married, the inquisition
expected reasons. Betsy was married for nine years before it ended.
begins. How long have you been married? Does your husband know?
"There were two big problems;' she explains. The first, which boiled
down to communication problems, could have been solved: "We could
Are you still sleeping with him? Have you ever brought lovers to your
home when your husband was there? How does he feel about it? You're
have been in therapy from now until the end of time:' But the second
not looking for a threesome?"
proved insurmountable: "I wanted kids, and he didn't:•
Sherrie admits, "I know there are some bad apples out there;' referring to stereotypes about predatory bisexual women. "But I've dated les-
Their difference in goals is particularly interesting since Betsy's husband, Nathan, had notions of marriage that were more traditional than
bians who were just using me for a one-night stand:' Right now, she's
hers. "He grew up in a much more traditional household," she says. As
still looking for a steady girlfriend.
She is frank about the factors that keep her in her marriage. "I have
a result, "he was quite attached to marriage and getting legally married:'
two young children. I don't have a college education. I have no mar-
Betsy, on the other hand, had reservations. "I had the intensive lesbian
conditioning of 'let's re-examinethe societal roles, let's talk about how this
ketable job skills. And I think that's the thing that really holds me back:'
works; and there's still the backlash hanging around in my brain:'
I've Only Dated One Guy in My
Entire Life: Diana
Diana and Ian started dating when they were both 18; they were married when they were 23. She is blunt about why they finally made the
decision to wed: "Ian needed dental insurance, and I had a job that had
dental insurance. It was a _verypragmatic decision. He became my husband and got to get his teeth fixed:'
Their relationship was never monogamous, and neither of them
But she agreed to get married, she says, because "societal conditioning bit me on the ass:' She expressed her discomfort with traditional
marriage roles by joking whenever anyone called her a "wife:• "I think he
took some of it as being rejected, rather than [understanding that] this is
a societal institution that makes me itch:'
Betsy also felt like she was in danger of disappearing as a bisexual
dyke. "That was tricky for me, to hang onto my self-identification:• She
laughs and points out that "picking up a long-term girlfriend helped a lot
with that:'
Betsy and her husband were both polyamorous from the beginning.
"My
whole
life
has
been
about
feeling
I was
denied
acce
tothings
because
I Was
queer,
orMexican,
orpoor,
and
infiltrating
institutions
that
weren't
meant
forme:'
considered their marriage to be a traditional sort of arrangement.
"I was so anti-marriage, and so was Ian. That's what allowed us to
get married;' she explains. "We both knew what we were getting into,
and we were both clear on the subject:'
But not everyone understood it that way. "My family didn't understand how we understood our marriage," she says. They assumed that
Diana had changed her last name to her husband's name, and sometimes sent her checks that she couldn't cash.
Eventually, she and her husband stopped seeing each other as a
romantic couple and became friends. They no longer live together, but
they have remained close.
58 MAY 2006
"There are some people, I'm sure, who thought that's what caused the
breakup, but it didn't. It wasn't really an issue for us:'
Despite everything, Betsy would consider getting married to a man
again. "I think I have a little better idea of what discussions need to be
had up front;• she says.
Spy in the H
o L v :Meiza
Meliza and Joseph had been dating for just six months when they
decided to get married. As it is for many others, the immediate impetus was economic. "It was very spur-of-the-moment;' she says. "He proposed to me at a cafe in the Castro at about four in the morning, and I
Pridefest
& Parade
June8 -10, 2006
May11- 30Daysto30Years
Community
Events
begin
- getyourPride
Collector
Cards
June8 - Candlelight
VigilandArtin
thought, no, y~u're not serious. It was a Friday
night, and he said, 'Why don't we get married
acknowledges, "My parents didn't get married
until I was 9, so I have a very interesting rela-
on Monday?"'
However, there was a problem. Joseph,
who is a female-to-male transsexual, didn't
tionship with legal marriage:'
However, any doubts about the institution
have the proper documentation to obtain a
marriage license, even though he had transitioned five years before.
So instead, they took a weekend off and
flew to Las Vegas, which requires only a driver's license for a marriage certificate and has
no waiting period.
Meliza is very aware of the privileges that
married life grants her: "People assume we're
straight; people assume Joseph is a biological
male:' She noticed the difference most profoundly when Joseph was assaulted one night
and landed in the hospital. "I got scooted right
in there. Even his own mother didn't have [that
privilege]:• It was in stark contrast to the time
when Meliza and her girlfriend were in a car
accident, and she had to fight for the right to
see her.
"I always wanted to get married;' Meliza
confesses. "And I always assumed I was going
to get married - to a woman:'
She acknowledges that a big factor in the
decision was convenience - the convenience
of living together, buying a car, and so on.
"You feel normal, accepted, like you're establishing something: a future:' But, she notes, "I
definitely don't take it for granted. I have a big
fear that they're going to find out that Joseph
hasn't had a certain type of surgery, and then
they're going to take our marriage away:' She
of marriage as a whole are doused by her
practical attitude. Meliza sees herself as a spy
in the house of love, and she's proud to work
for change from the inside of the marriage
bond. "My whole life has been about feeling I
was denied access to things because I was
queer, or Mexican, or poor, and infiltrating institutions that weren't meant for me:'
She continues, "Of course, since I married my husband, I've had one long-term girlfriend and several friendly flings. I've also
established a career writing for queer magazines and newspapers. Sometimes I joke that
I'm a 'professional lesbian'; sometimes I joke
about losing my dyke card. I've always been
honest about my relationship, and I've only
rarely encountered
outright
prejudice.
Mostly, I spend a lot of time cheerfully
explaining myself."
Being a married dyke can be like joining a
theParkDedication
- Morningside
Park
June9 - Pridefest
2006opens
(Pet
Parade,
PrideIdol,ArtShow
&Archives
openings,
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June10- PrideDay- Parade
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secret society. I've had more lesbians out
themselves to me as having had flings with
men than I can count. And I've discovered
women who are scions of the dyke community, who turn out to have a past - and present
- as married ladies. I'm fascinated by the variety of stories, and how we each rewrite the
marriage narrative to suit our own purposes.
And more importantly, how it works to slowly
transform the institution of marriage from the
inside out.
www.abqpride.com
505-873-8084
Curve
59
Author Brenda Brooks hits the lit scene with a
story of lesbian love lost. BY ALLISON STEINBERG
Brooks' novel contains openly lesbian characters, but she intentionally left out steamy sex scenes in an attempt to place the "focus
on desire and yearning, rather than a more direct physicality:' Don't
be misled, though. The subtext reveals desire in the protagonist that
is more tangible and relatable than the sex scenes in most novels.
The reader struggles alongside the protagonist to shed the ghost
In her first novel,
Gotta Find Me an
Angel, Brenda Brooks brings to life the apparition that
inhabits all of our closets. The ghost ih Brooks' personal
closet, though, is not the same as the young lost love,
Madeline, who haunts the novel's protagonist.
Growing up in the prairies of Rivers, Manitoba, and
later settling in Victoria, British Columbia, the 52-year-old
Brooks has lived in nearly all of the Canadian provinces.
Though reading and writing have always been outlets for
her, she was asked to leave school at 15 due to truancy.
Copying poems onto index cards in the library provided
refuge during those emotionally charged adolescent years.
"I wrote them out in a hard-covered, ruled notebook,"
she recalls, "and included an index of titles and first lines."
Brooks saw poetry as a vehicle through which she could
express her unique situation - mainly that she was always
a new girl and the only lesbian. "No one really knowing me
well [is what] led to my being an outsider," the author says.
"Of course, this is an ideal position for a writer."
Brooks' debut novel tells the story of a nameless,
socially awkward, 31-year-old lesbian who cannot let go of
her lost love from adolescence. Brooks uses the character
of Madeline, whose teenage affair ended in suicide, to provide insight into "both the fragility and courage that I've
come to see is inherent to being human and alive:•
The protagonist's interactions with her boisterous sidekick, Billy, and the woman they are both in love with, Julia,
parallel Brooks' coming of age. It wasn't until Brooks
attended York University in Toronto in the late 1970s that
she met her first love and came out.
"We opened up each other's worlds in different and
wonderful ways. She made a brave attempt at snowshoeing and learned to love Gordon Lightfoot and Joni
Mitchell," Brooks says about her American girlfriend.
Drowning in the heartache of her first breakup - when
her lover's visa expired she was forced to return to the
United States - Brooks found comfort in Toronto's queer
culture and started writing for RITES, an LGBT activist
publication that paved the road for her later works.
Brooks started writing her own poetry and soon published two collections: Somebody Should Kiss You
(1990) and Blue Light in the Dash (1994). Her poetry
of Madeline for her real live crush, Julia.
But despair remains, as long-dead Madeline somehow becomes
a more substantive lover than Julia, who is living. When we unpack
Madeline's character, we realize she is a metaphor for our own, individual reservations about life and love. We feel the protagonist's
pain as she stumbles in the wake
of her crush, unable to reveal her
feelings.
"But despair and sorrow themselves are so dreadfully fair and
inclusive," says Brooks. "They
belong to all of us, and are what
give us soul and tenderness ... if
we survive them:'
Brooks' characters are realistic and whole, each cleverly
crafted with a three-dimensional
set of humanistic conventions
and emotions. "I think there is a
little bit of me and everyone I've
known in each of the main characters;' Brooks says. She uses
those pieces of herself and others to convey the complicated
nature of interpersonal
relations wrapped
in the simplicity of
everyday life. She intermixes poetic license with traditional narrative structure to create insight into human nature and, perhaps, to
create an outlet for the pain she's experienced in her life.
But she doesn't write solely for psychological cleansing purposes, she admits. She always has the reader in mind: "As a writer
you want your reader, whomever they may be, to stay with you, give
themselves over to the pulse and rhythm of your story and characters - as you have given yourself over to wonderful writers before
you:'
Brooks admits that she has given herself over to her own inspiration, Aretha Franklin, whom her sister introduced her to. Though
Brooks didn't relate to her sister's other habits, namely makeup and
dancing, her introduction to Franklin's music as a child marked
Brooks' first interaction with poetry.
"Poetry got its hands on me," Brooks says, revealing that her art,
perhaps, controls her just as much as she manipulates the written
word. With Gotta Find Me an Angel, she masters the challenge of
forming a story that is simultaneously heartwarming and haunting.
has evolved into her first novel, Gotta Find Me An Angel,
a beautifully composed work that is both dense in its
prose-like composition and simple in its smooth flow on
the reader's eye.
curve
61
We See Her True Colors
FILMS WITH WOMEN AS COMPLEX
CHARACTERS
HAVE
hit that spring lull. In this post-Academy Awards season, mainstream
studios are gearing up for the summer's mostly boy-targeted blockbusters, and queer festivals are finalizing their June (or later) lineups.
That makes it a great time to search out a few harder-to-find films
about the inherent duality of women's natures.
>> By
Diane
Anderson-Minshall
Asian-American female identity.
Lee began by posting a survey on her Web site, gracelee.net,
that other Grace Lees could fill out. She also offered a section on
her site where other people could talk about the Grace Lees in
Grace Lee Project (Women Make Movies)
Do you know a Grace Lee? That's the question that award-winning filmmaker Grace
Lee asks people across the country as one
way to reconcile how common the name is
among Asian-American women - especially
second-generation Korean Americans in
California and New York - with the baggage that comes from being enculturated to
be a "Grace Lee" (who is, as described by
most interviewees, a quiet, smart, dutiful
bookworm). Lee, who was raised in Missouri
and thought as a child she was the only Grace
Lee in the world, pursues a moving target
with the film, trying to examine the heart of
ON DVD:
Tying the Knot (Docurama):
Through the stories of Mickie,
widow of a Tampa Bay police
officer, and Oklahoma rancher
Sam, director Jim de Seve
reveals the emotional and financial toll that results from being
unable to legally marry. Providing
62 MAY 2006
retorts to almost every anti-gay
marriage argument, this documentary is a must-see for all queer
folks who may someday want to
say, "I do." (docurama.com)
- Lauren Marie Fleming
The Best of the Electric
Company (Shout Factory): With
this four-DVD set, Gen X-ers
Joan Rivers and Gene Wilder.
finally get a chance to relive the
grooviest multicultural kids show
The set comes with a 28-page
ever to air. It became a cultural
booklet and tribute by author
phenomenon in the '70s, and by
Dave Eggers. (shoutfactory.com)
season two, nearly one-third of all Making Grace (First Run): This
elementary schools showed it in
sweet documentary about two
classrooms. Electric was famous
lesbians who want to become
for its star-studded cast including
mothers follows the duo through
Morgan Freeman, Rita Moreno,
the entire process, from finding a
O&A; Deborah
Garcia
K00 os
their lives. From those hundreds and maybe
thousands of replies came a cross-country
trip that has led to an illuminating meditation on feminism, race and cultural identity,
and to one of the most charming documentaries I've ever seen. Oh, and yes, there's a
lesbian Grace Lee, too. (wmm.com)
Attack of the Monster Bride (Billy Films)
Quickly becoming a cult classic among
queers, Attack of the Monster Bride written by Leslie Belt, directed by Vicky
Boone and shot by cinematographer PJ
Ravall, all part of the thriving queer cinema
scene in Austin, Texas - is a cinematic
parody of gender roles and commitment
issues viewed through the lens of a lesbian
wanting to become the perfect American
bride. Both coolly ironic and snort-milkthrough-your-nose funny, Monster Bride is
still on the festival circuit and plays next at
the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.
(bridemons ter.com)
Bedwin Hacker (Canal+ Horizons)
Growing Resentments
By Andy Wright
DEBORAH GARCIA KOONS GREW
up on a "regular '50s and '60s diet" of
cheeseburgers, french fries and frozen
peas. Now fully grown and eating
much healthier, she has made an eyeopening documentary about the dangers of genetically engineered crops,
The Future of Food. Released last fall,
the film spins a story of scientific
intrigue that has at its heart small,
rural farmers playing David to the
Goliath that is the Monsanto
Corporation. For information on
where you can catch a screening, visit
thefutureoffood.com.
Why did you make this film?
it's amazing because most U.S. citizens
I wanted to make a serious film. A very chal-
don't have a clue. Only 30 percent of
Americans think they've ever eaten
[genetically engineered] food [but] virtu-
lenging film. And I wanted to make a film
people would see and that would have a
Two years after we first lauded this groundbreaking lesbian thriller, it's finally coming
to DVD in the United States. French director Nadia El Fani's sexy and spirited romp
follows Kalt, a genius female computer
hacker in southern Tunisia, who is jamming
airwaves of foreign TV stations to broadcast messages in Arabic. The female head of
the French Intelligence Agency is sent to
hunt down this mysterious hacker who
signs her messages with a camel and the
moniker "Bedwin Hacker." The first film to
show the high-tech world and the contemporary life of queers in North Africa,
Bedwin is fun, quick-witted and sexy as
hell. (cinemalibrestudio.com)
positive effect on the world, not just
something that would go to a few festivals and people would say, "Oh isn't that
a nice little film." That's it - now it's off the
edge of the planet. So I decided to make
the film about agriculture.
Is this something that just affects the
Americas and Canada, or is it inevitably
a global problem?
There is huge resistance all over the world
from governments and citizens. Huge.
Biotech is losing all over the world.
There are only a few countries that plant
it. Other countries do not want it, and
they are able to keep it out. The resistance is very solid. The citizens of these
countries are very well-educated. And
sperm donor to Lamaze classes
to the birth of Grace, and the
DVD includes a bonus featurette, Grace's Epilogue.
(firstrunfeatures.com)
Three of Hearts: A Postmodern
Family (TH!NK Film): This criti-
cally acclaimed doc looks at the
real-life relationship between a
gay couple and the woman they
found to be their soul mate. As
Sam, Steven and Samantha
examine what it means to be a
threesome, they also open New
York's hottest wellness center
and have a baby. Though the
journey may end in a different
place than once imagined, the
ally 100 percent have.
How did you find a balance between
communicating the enormity of the
problem and yet making viewers feel
that they can effect change?
If you make people aware of the issue and
give them an alternative, they will take it. I
think it's a healthy thing to want to support
local farmers and know where your food is
coming from and feel like it's healthy. It
doesn't take a lot of convincing. But I think
a lot of Americans are very removed from
the consequences. I think you have to
help them pay attention to it. And most
people will come to the same conclusions
I did, which is [that] this is important and
we need to wake up about it.
inner workings of this unusual
family make for thought-provoking viewing. (thinkfilm
company.com)
ANT: America's Ready (Goldhil
Entertainment): Gay comic ANT
and his Last Comic Standing
stablemate Alonzo Bodden
both released hilariously
twisted and piercing hour-long
specials filmed live at the historic El Portal Theatre in Los
Angeles. Both are filled with
queer humor (in the purest
form) and sidesplitting don'tmiss moments.
(goldhilentertainment.com)
-DAM
Curve
63
Young Adult Fiction Grows Up
YOUNG ADULT FICTION
Rachel
Pepper
HAS OFTEN PLAYED SECOND
fiddle to, well, adult fiction, but these days the YA genre is no longer
solely filled with Sweet Valley High knockoffs. Two recent offerings
from Michelle Tea (of Valencia fame) and Alison Bechdel (the pen
behind Dykes to Watch Out For) show that being a young adult is
as complex, challenging and queer as you likely remember from your
own teen years.
Rose of No Man's Land, Michelle
Tea (MacAdam Cage)
Michelle Tea may be best known for
her autobiographically based novels
like Valencia and The Chelsea
Whistle. However, like the works of
many young authors, her writing has
• always defied easy categorization,
especially given her propensity for
continuous creativity. Having written at least five books on her own as
well as having edited several
anthologies, participated in numerous
spoken-word
road
shows,
and
given seemingly nonstop readings and performances,
it's never been a stretch to think that one day Tea
might lend her hand to young adult fiction. Living an
adrenaline-charged existence as a dyke in San
Francisco, the free-spirited capital of cool, but having
- and remembering - working-class roots have
combined to provide Tea with a bounty of experience
to draw upon in her work. She is, as always, realistic
in capturing what it means to be young and searching
for both empowerment and enlightenment by whatever means you can.
In Rose of No Man's Land, Tea's first hardcover
book, she creates an apt protagonist in Trisha, ·a
rather aimless 14-year-old whose family gives her little inspiration.
Trisha's mother is a couch-inhabiting hypochondriac; her stepfather
is a battery-stealing, beer-swigging loafer; and her older sister is an
TIie Dap of Good Looks,
CllNfce(c.roB & Graft.
In
the last 28 years.CbetytClarkeone of the mQ8l
Afrk:an·
Americanlesbianfeministsof the
''108and '80s - .. writteneidenaiv.alyabout ll1e communities
a.,t
which ...
IN BOOKSTORES
NOW:
Recovering the Sacred, Winona
LaDuke (South End): Winona
LaDuke, a two-time Green Party
vice presidential candidate and
the founder of both the
Indigenous Women's Network
and the White Earth Land
Recovery Project, offers up an
easy-to-read (but not easy-to-
stomach) look at the complexities
surrounding Native rights and the
far-reaching connections to everything from Native women in
recovery to Indian mascots and
the restructuring of the energy
industry. (southendpress.org)
With Her Machete in Her Hand,
Catriona Rueda Esquibel
(University of Texas Press): In this
~ist,
• s-1
•
~tl(>n
•
•
amongthe
...
~prose
likethe
• tohet
' of
fflias
groundbreakingessay, 81.esbianiam:
All Act of
esistance~
(avalonpuh.com) - DIMe ~•
a
MTV devotee. When Trisha gets a short-lived summer job at the
local mall and thereby meets Rose, the action starts to build. This
is no character-building YA novel with a happy ending and ultimate salvation for a down-and-out teen.
It's too gritty and is full of characters like mean mall
rats, pedophiles, drug dealers and unethical tattoo
artists. But for one wild night, Trisha experiences
more than she has in all her years combined, even if
it's due to drugs and her first lesbian - and sexual experience. We don't know what happens to Trisha
or Rose after the book ends, but we imagine that having been shaken from their small-town, mall-induced
lethargy, there might be more in store for them than
can fit on the page. (macadamcage.com)
Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, Alison Bechdel
(Houghton Mifflin)
Alison Bechdel also stretches her crossover wings in this incredibly
well-drawn and maturely imagined graphic novel, Fun Home. The
In the Stacks... continued
onpage72
giber Paae Turner1
64 MAY 2006
>> By
first-of-its-kind tome, San
Francisco State ethnic studies
professor Esquibel maps out the
terrain of Chicana lesbian fiction.
It's a lovely, decades-later followup to the groundbreaking This
Bridge Called My Back, in which
Cherrfe Moraga and Gloria
Anzaldua ushered in a new era in
Chicana lesbian writings, if for no
other reason than that since
Bridge, most scholars (and
reviewers) have failed to even
recognize Chicana lesbian lit as a
definable category of work.
(utexaspress.com)
Encyclopedia of Arab Women
Filmmakers, Rebecca Hillauer
(American University in Cairo
Press): Encyclopedias can be so
O&Ai IsaCbao~m
Mos~owitz
More Than Tofu
By Ariane Resnick
PUBLIC ACCESS TV COOKING SHOW
host Isa Chandra Moskowitz brings vegan
cooking to the mainstream with her new
cookbook, Vegan With a Vengeance.
Packaged to appeal to 20-something hipsters and 30-something ex-punks, the book
includes not only a slew of animal-friendly
recipes, but also pantry and equipment suggestions, and helpful tidbits from
Moskowitz's cat, Fizzle. We had a chat
with the author to ascertain how vegan
food can be a political stance.
How welcoming do you think your book
is for nonvegans?
All of the ingredients are pretty common ...
most of it relies on whole foods like
beans and grains that most people are
familiar with.
You have a very anti-corporate voice in
your cookbook and shy away from suggesting brand-name ingredients. Would
you ever endorse a brand, as so many
chefs do?
If it was a good brand, yeah. I wasn't like ...
don't buy it because it's a brand; it was
more [like] look at what we are eating.
Look at where our prepackaged food is
coming from, and you'll see that most of
those are owned by a large corporation
whose policies we probably disagree
with. Try not to support these brands that
don't support what our ethics may be.
Do you have plans to ever open a
restaurant?
I would love to open a restaurant. I have a
dense (or dull) that they
languish on our shelves,
occasionally referenced
when something obscure
is mentioned in a New York
Times crossword puzzle.
Not so with this unprecedented book, which offers
a brilliant, penetrating look
into the history of Arab
b~siness plan, and it's one of my goals. I
just have to find some rich, altruistic vegan.
You mentioned that the Food Network
took a look at your TV show and found it
inaccessible.How do you feel about that?
I thought it was funny and probably true. It
made me feel a little bit good. If the average American is watching Rachael Ray,
and that is what is accessible, I don't necessarily want to fall into that category.
Have you had any interest or involvement in the raw food movement?
No. It seems just a bit much to have to spend
a whole day making a sandwich.
Your book seems very personal for a
cookbook.
It did feel very much like I'm showing people
my diary, and I do hope that people take
it that
women's filmmaking as
well as the political environs of the countries these
auteurs hail from, including
Egypt, Iraq, Syria, Morocco
and Algeria. Between biographies, filmographies and
studies of each woman's
work, Encyclopedia also
offers in-depth interviews
with the filmmakers. The
one downside: The women
of Iranian cinema - where
a fascinating post-revolution movement has given
birth to female filmmakers
like the exceptional
Tahmineh Milani - are suspiciously absent.
(aucpress.com) - DAM
"Jazz-popmusings,
passionatefolkoutpourings
that
decry oppression"
VILLAGE
VOICE
*
*
NATIONNIPe
4.2~!
*
curve
65
Womenof the World
I WAS PRIMED
TO LOVE WORLD
music by a Brazilian mother with French
roots and an American father of German
descent who, interestingly enough, loved
Trinidadian steel drums and Scottish bagpipes. (Not together, don't worry!) Maybe
that's why I love listening to music in languages I don't understand and am fascinated
by the rhythms and instruments of foreign
lands and cultures, such as those offered by
the international artists featured this month:
Chavela Vargas, Lura and Susheela Raman.
Live at Carnegie Hall, Chavela Vargas
(Tommy Boy Silver Label)
Recorded on Sept. 15, 2003, this exquisite,
17-track live set on the new LGBT imprint
Silver Label is a fitting tribute to the legendary Costa Rican-born Mexic~n folk
singer and lesbian icon known for her passionate love affair with bisexual painter
Frida Kahlo. Despite all the colorful tales of
her cross-dressing, gun-toting, cigar-smoking and womanizing in the 1950s and '60s,
it's Vargas' one-of-a-kind voice and her
revolutionary, gender-bending transformations of Mexican rancheras (love
songs traditionally sung by men about
women, for which she never
changed the pronouns) that are
her legacy and are responsible
for packing the house for this
78-minute performance. The
now 86-year-old singer's deep,
husky voice - lightly accompanied by acoustic guitar - is
captured beautifully on this
recording, and though it has
roughened with age and years
of hard living, it's no less stunning and perhaps even more
emotive than the higher, clearer
tone heard on her earlier
recordings. From the grand,
dramatic, spoken-sung delivery of the
opening, "Macorina," to the virtually
whispered "La Llorona," Vargas' gravelly, growling voice embodies love and
longing, pain and suffering, strength and
courage like no other. You don't need to
know a word of Spanish to
comprehend every emotion
Vargas offers; you need only
be human. (tommyboy.com)
66 MAY 2006
Coble
Editor's Pick
',;
Songafpr-OurChildren
Celebrating
OurDi-.er88 Li\168
(Escondida Music)
Lisbon-raised Maria de Lurdes
Pina Assurn;:ao, aka Lura part of a younger generation of
musicians of Cape Verdean
descent who are following in the
footsteps of elder chanteuse and
cultural ambassador Cesaria Evora - offers
fresh, pop-friendly modernizations of the
West African islands' traditional sounds,
while remaining thoroughly African-rooted.
Korpu
Other Licks
acclaimed British singer-songwriter's fourth album in 10 years
is a stripped-down, emotionally
bare masterpiece of deeply personal indie folk-pop, though her
haunting voice remains the main
attraction. (bethorton.mu)
Illuminate, Latrice (Ultra): The
Margaret
Rainbow Sprinkles: Song• for Our
Children Celebrating Our Diverse
U u, Suzi Nash (CD Baby):The gayby
boomhas spawnedmanythings,but Suzi
Nash'sseH-produced
CD, aimedat 3- to 6year-oldkidsof queers,is amongthe firstifnotthe first- of its kind.Her LGBTfamilyfriendlysongs include"DifferentFamilies;
the transditty "UncleMike"and the perky
"AuntBetty; all of whichcombinehip-hop,
calypsoandcountrywithoh-so-gay
butageappropriatelyrics.(cdbaby.com/suzinash)
- Diane Anderson-lllnshall
Di
ON CD:
Comfort of Strangers, Beth
Orton (Astralwerks): The
>> By
former Five Point Plan and
Galactic front woman offers up
a buttery smooth solo disc of
slinky, R&B-influenced soulful
house, produced by West Coast
luminaries Kaskade and Jay-J.
(/atricebarnett. com)
Down to This, Adrianne (Kufala):
This follow-up to the 2005 Out
Music Award winner's critically
lauded 10,000 Stones is an all-
Ku Alma,
Lura
acoustic collection of solid folkrock that will tide fans over until
the release of her next bandbacked rock set, due later in
2006. (adrimusic.com)
When the Going Gets Dark,
Quasi (Touch and Go): This seventh recording from SleaterKinney drummer Janet Weiss'
other band, with Portland musician and ex-husband Sam
Coomes, is a beau_tifullychaotic,
psychedelic, emo romp sure to
please indie-rock fans.
(theequasi.com)
Come With Me ... , Misstress
Barbara (Koch): The Italian-born,
Montreal-based DJ and "Queen
of Techno" returns to the scene
with a surprisingly subdued set,
moving away from her trademark
aggressive beats to more fluid
RockerGirl Next Door
By Aefa Mulholland
GENRE-HOPPER
STACIE ROSE IS
hard to pin down to merely one musical
category. Critics have compared her to
everyone from Sheryl Crow and
Roseanne Cash to Jewel, Michelle Branch
and Vanessa Carlton. The New Jerseybased singer, whom the press has raved is
"part rock vixen, part girl next door,"
recently released her impressive, second
full-length album, Shadow and Splendor.
Filled with expert hooks and memorable
melodies, Rose's obviously heartfelt lyrics
will strike a chord with many listeners. A
slow burner, Shadow and Splendor has
snuck its way onto the musical radar.
On this third album, Lura focuses on the
percussive-heavy batuku and accordiondriven funana styles of her father's homeland, the island of Santiago, singing in
Portuguese and mixing African, Brazilian,
French and American rhythms and instrumentation into a soulful, richly textured
sound that ranges from peppy dance numbers ("Mundo E Nos") to quiet ballads ("Es
0
Bida").
Also included in this deluxe set is a
""
DVD containing a full-length live concert
""
a:,
from an April 2004 appearance in Paris, a
:;;
behind-the-scenes interview and the music
.....
""
videos for "Na Ri Na" (easily the most
CJ
catchy, single-worthy cut from this album)
z
0
:;;
MusicWatch. . . continued
onpage72
UJ
(/\
<.!)
UJ
:::)
UJ
:::)
and sensual electro-funk grooves.
(misstress
barbara.com)
Captain Wild Horse (Rides the
Heart of Tomorrow), Shelley
Short (Hush): Throw Mazzy Star,
Cat Power and Po' Girl into a
blender with a fiddle and a banjo,
and, well, you get the idea.about
this rootsy, ethereal indie folk
rocker. (shelleyshort.com)
How has Shadow and Splendor been
received?
It's still kind of like a secret. Little by little by
if they don't know me. Michelle Branch and
Avril Lavigne are good to explain how I
sound to younger audiences.
little the word gets out. A friend tells a
Are you working on a new record now?
friend and it keeps picking up steam. It's a
strange, quiet buzz.
Nobody really knows that . I am, but I am.
You're the first to know.
Which tracks have been getting airplay?
What records are you listening to now?
"Consider Me" gets a lot of attention, as does
"Higher Than The Moon," [and] "New
Death Cab for Cutie, Anthony and the
Johnsons, Ryan Adams, Bonnie Raitt and
Year's Day," because it's an unlikely cover
version. The fans' favorite is "Disaster."
How does it feel being compared to
such a diverse list of artists?
I actually like it because nobody says, "She
Jamiroquai.
If you were to make a mix CD to play in
the car this summer, which song would
have to go on it?
Definitely one of the new Madonna tracks.
sounds exactly like Sheryl Crow or exactly
like Suzanne Vega:' Roseanne Cash and
Suzanne Vega are two of my favorite song-
If you could play an opening set for any
artist in the world - whom would you
choose?
writers. I might as well be compared to
people I like! I think references help people
I would be very psyched
Lucinda Williams.
Free Alongside Ship, Shitting
Glitter (Decadrisco): Despite
_their rather unfortunate moniker,
this Los Angeles-based, femalefronted, queer, glam-rock trio
blends new wave and kitsch-pop
influences for an infectiously
upbeat result, and drag queen
go-go dancers make their live
shows a must-see.
(shittingglitter.com)
Underneath the Everyday,
Nadine Zahr (Chirality): More
than just another indie grrl with a
guitar, the New Jersey-born Los
Angelino teams up with alt-rock
producer Dave Trumfio (Wilco,
Billy Bragg) for a seriously energetic and melodic full-lengther
that's bound to get her the attention she deserves.
(nadinezahr.com)
to open for
ON DVD:
Fade to Red, Tori Amos (Rhino):
Nineteen of the eccentric artist's
cinematic music videos span this
two-disc DVD set, with fascinating audio commentaries by
Amos herself and bonus material
like a behind-the-scenes look at
the special effects wizardry of "A
Sorta Fairytale." (toriamos.com)
- Margaret Coble
Curve
67
>> By
Michele
Fisher
Hurry,Hide, Here Come the Brides
I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, LESBIAN
Bridezilla! And I want to be a guest at your
wedding. Actually, I want to follow you
around while you terrorize the photographer,
humiliate the caterer, belittle the printer and
reduce the florist to tears. I am sick and tired
of nice queers and their nice weddings.
My sister had her first wedding annulled,
but the guests didn't get that lucky. We had
to be there. I was in the limo when she told
our dad that she was making a mistake. I
knew she was right, but who wants some
sarcastic queer putting her two pennies'
worth in at the eleventh hour? (Apparently
my sister did. Who knew? Sorry, Sis.) But my
father, having spent a big chunk of his savings for the nonrefundable wedding of his
only straight daughter, was not about to give
into simple wedding jitters. Knowing that
anything he said would be construed as
agreement, he simply chuckled and stared
nonchalantly out the limo window.
I was also right there when my mother
announced that "next time" she would have
"someone more talented do the flowers."
Mom hadn't looked around first to make
sure that none of the groom's family was
within earshot. They were, in fact, but Mom
didn't care. She said "next time" about a
hundred more times that day, and my sister
nodded in agreement several times, and not
just to shut Mom up either. I had never
before - nor have I ever since - been
served cocktail weenies in hot grape jelly,
but then again, what else do you serve with
jalapefio poppers? Dad's best friend bragged
that he had found the caterer at a military
reunion. Hopefully this fellow was in charge
of cooking for the enemy.
And that's not even the worst part. The
groom's family kept to themselves - because
they couldn't stand us - except for his little
brother, who spent most of the reception trying to will one of my girlfriend's nipples to
pop out of her dress. The DJ had only three
records, and two of them were REO
Speedwagon. Nobody danced until my sister
threatened to have a breakdown. Only then
did I slink onto the dance floor and feebly try
to rally the other corpses in attendance to
sway in agony with me. The whole affair was
horrible, uncomfortable and unforgettable.
Mom was right: The next one was better,
68 MAY 2006
but the first one was the most entertaining. I
want the right to marry so that I can attend
more entertaining weddings and fewer perfect ones. Lesbian weddings are always so
tasteful, small and understated.
When we get full rights, then we will
have to have big, overblown weddings
where we invite too many people, perhaps
even people we don't really know or like,
just like straight people do. The more people
you invite, the more chances you have that
something interesting will happen.
I went to one wedding where the bride's
father brought his new girlfriend to the event
against the wishes of everybody else in the
family, especially his wife. When he walked
in with "the other woman," the whole room
went dead quiet. Everybody minded his or
her manners . . . for about an hour.
Eventually, that cheap champagne worked its
magic and the word "slut" was lobbed in
dear old Dad's direction. He was willing to
ignore it, but some other slut who thought
she was being called out answered the challenge, and the reception disintegrated into a
barroom brawl. I didn't catch the bouquet,
but I did save the hair clip that landed on my
lap - with a chunk of the owner's locks in it.
Nobody minds when you bring a new
girlfriend or an old girlfriend to a dyke wedding. Everybody has already kissed the
brides and nobody cares. We are much too
civilized and evolved to let petty jealousy
sully our serene ceremonies. Not like another
great wedding I went to, where the bride
turned out to be bisexual.
I had just started dating this girl, and she
asked me to attend a seaside wedding with
her. She was one of the bridesmaids, so we
were getting a free hotel room at the beach.
Free surf and sex - I couldn't believe my
luck. The night before the nuptials, my date
and the bride took a bottle of champagne
and went for a midnight stroll on the beach.
Meanwhile, the groom and I made small talk
on the porch of the bed-and-breakfast as we
watched our girls fade into the night. When
it became apparent that they were not rushing back, we went back to our respective
rooms to wait for our respective women. I
am quite sure that his girl had as much sand
stuck to her back as my girl did to her knees,
and I can only hope that her explanation
was more believable. I didn't take it too
hard; it was still a free weekend at the beach.
Nothing that exciting ever happens at a
lesbian wedding. Even if it did, the brides
would probably just talk about it. That's
what we do best: talk about things. Most
likely, they would discuss it with one of the
many dyke therapists in attendance and
agree to continue their sessions after the
honeymoon so they could talk about it some
more. I am bored with "civil" ceremonies.
They are so ... so civil.
The minute we get the real right to marry,
I want every dyke in the world with a wedding fantasy to make hers a reality. Why let
straight girls have all the fun? If you wonder
what your friends would look like in melon
and puce, then go ahead and choose those as
your wedding colors. Perhaps you and your
beloved are from different cultures. Why not
throw a traditional Moroccan or Cambodian
wedding and require your guests to dress
accordingly? Guests at gay ceremonies have
gotten far too comfortable wearing what
they want to wear. I am sick to death of
"dressy casual" affairs. Spending a paycheck
on something that you will never wear again
is all part of the wedding experience.
And Bridezilla, don't stop at gaudy
dresses and impossible-to-match colors;
throw a theme wedding. How about a
"heavenly" affair where angels and harps
abound? Or maybe a Hollywood happening
where all of the "stars" come out. My
favorite weddings are outdoor, springtime
affairs. A guest is bound to suffer an asthma
attack or get stung by a bee. There's nothing
like hearing someone scream for an EpiPen
to keep a wedding interesting.
I also want to hear god-awful music at
gay weddings. And not just goddess-awful
wind chimes and Tibetan bells that we feel
guilty about snickering at, but truly horrible
dance medleys sung by one of the brides'
overweight uncles. Better yet, plug in that
karaoke machine.
When the legislature gives us the go-ahead,
DykeDrama...
continued
onpage72
Curve
69
>> By
Victoria
A. Brownworth
The Rightto Choose Marriage
I DON'T WANT HILLARY CLINTON
to be president because she doesn't support a woman's right to choose.
"What?" you exclaim. "Hillary Clinton
is anti-abortion?" No - Hillary Clinton
is anti-queer marriage, and every lesbian
reading this should care as much about
our right to choose marriage as our right
to choose whether to bear a child.
It's not just Sen. Clinton whom I
won't vote for. I won't vote for any candidate who's running for any office and
believes - in what always seems to be
an extraordinarily casual way - that I
don't have the right to get married. Let
me clarify that: anyone who believes that I
don't have the right to marry another
woman. Because I could walk outside my
office this minute, point to the first man I
see, say, "Hey mister, wanna get married?"
and within a day in my state (an hour if we
were in Nevada), I could be married to a
total stranger off the street as long as he's a
man. But there are only a handful of places
in the country where I can marry another
woman. How wrong is that?
Like many lesbians, I was once married
to a man. I was 17, and he was a few years
older. I was trying hard to be straight, and
getting married seemed a good way to prove
it. I could marry a man; I couldn't marry
another woman. Wasn't that a clear indicator that being queer was not just wrong but
illegal? Like so many people - women, men
and transgendered folks - who get married
in an attempt to "fix" their sexual orientation, my experiment didn't work. Many
people, most especially this very nice guy,
got hurt. And I began to see marriage as a
dangerous weapon rather than a bond
between people in loye.
I still have mixed feelings about marriage.
I used to be adamantly against marriage, as
longtime·readers of this column know. Over a
decade ago, I wrote a column in this very
space explaining why marriage was wrong
for queers. I still believe that as an institution,
marriage is oppressive. It oppresses women
and girls all over the world, every day. But in
the United States and other developed nations
where the issues surrounding marriage are
different than they are in the developing
world where women and girls are regularly
70 MAY 2006
coerced into abusive and exploitative marriages, lesbians should have the same right to
marry as heterosexual women do.
Which brings us back to Mrs. Clinton. I
don't care that her marriage has been publicly
ridiculed due to the former president's blatant
infidelities. More than 50 percent of married
people cheat on each other; Bill Clinton's just
one of many. In addition to the high rate of
infidelity among heterosexual couples, close
to half of all marriages end in divorce. Thus,
the pontificating over how queers will destroy
the sanctity of marriage rings hollow.
Many politicians, such as recent presidential candidates Sen. John Kerry and Sen.
John McCain, are on their second marriages.
If marriage between a man and a woman is
so sacred, why can't the politicians who
assert that so stridently make their own marriages work? It's hard to imagine queers
doing any worse at marriage than these
politicians have done.
Last year, when my partner and lover
asked me to marry her, I said yes. After many
years of wrangling over the issue of marriage,
I decided I wanted to take that step with her.
We have known each other for 35 years we met in high school - and have been
together for six. In the next few months, we
will likely go to Massachusetts to get married
and then return to our home state where
queer marriage is illegal.
Sen. Hillary Clinton is currently the
Democratic front-runner in the race for president. She and other candidates from the
party that embraces personal autonomy
must understand that being pro-choice
means more than just supporting a woman's
right to abortion. It means supporting personal freedom and
choice in all its forms. Mrs.
Clinton has rightly excoriated
George W. Bush for his repeated
violations of civil liberties
throughout his presidency. But
candidates shouldn't get to pick
and choose which civil liberties
they want to protect.
In 2003, U.S. Supreme Court
Justice Anthony Kennedy - a
conservative and Republican
appointee - wrote the majority
opinion in Lawrence v. Texas.
The ruling overturned state sodomy laws
that, Kennedy noted, unfairly penalized lesbians and gay men. In the opinion, Kennedy
stated that the laws were unconstitutional
because they prevented lesbians and gay men
from enjoying their constitutional right to
"the pursuit of happiness." Kennedy also
wrote that the Supreme Court had been
"wrong" when it had, in a similar case,
Bowers v. Hardwick in 1986, ignored the
constitutional issues involved.
The controversial opinion was criticized
by conservatives, particularly President
Bush, because it seemed to grant queer
Americans equal status under the law.
Conservatives argued, as did Justice
Antonin Scalia in his dissenting opm1on,
that the ruling would open the door to
queer marriage rights.
Hillary Clinton isn't the only hypocrite
running for public office. But as a woman
who has adamantly stood for women's rights
and other civil liberties, her stance against
same-sex marriage (please note that civil
unions are not equivalent to marriage; if they
were, heterosexuals would be clamoring for
them) makes her an unacceptable candidate.
Someone who wants to be the first woman
president should do what her male counterparts have never done: Stand up for equality
for all Americans, not just those whom it is
politically expedient to support.
I want to marry the woman I love. So if
Hillary Clinton wants my vote, she needs to
support my right, and the right of every
other queer in America, to choose. Equality
should not be optional - for us or for
political candidates.
>-
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>-
Get Fit With TechGear
.
WITH SUMMER
THE
:
A BRA THAT DOES
corner, a lot of dykes are getting ready for some
RIGHT AROUND
•
The
outdoor activity. Whether you're thinking of taking
•
Sensing Sports Bra is the latest elec-
on a race-for-the-cure marathon or simply want to
:
tronic fitness device aimed at women.
look smashing at those lesbian pool parties, it's
•
It's a seamless sports bra equipped with
time to jump-start your fitness routine with tech-
:
highly advanced
nology. - Diane Anderson-Minshall
brand-new
IT ALL
NuMetrex
electronic
Heart
sensing
technology that picks up the wearer's
•
heartbeat and relays it wirelessly to a
•
watch that displays it for you. The bra
•
comes in white and in blue, and the
attached transmitter is portable to different bras. ($45 and up, numetrex.com)
.................................
A PERSONAL
TRAINER
ON YOUR
HIP
Anyone who watches Oprah has heard of personal trainer Bob Greene, and when he endorses
a product, women listen - which is a great thing when it comes to the wear-it-everywhere
SportBrain iStepX1, a pedometer that transforms your daily routine (whether it's running to
the bus, doing laundry or grinding on the treadmill) into a fitness program. The device records
your daily activity minute by minute and sends it via the USB port on your computer to the
SportBrain Web site where you can graph your week, view your active times, check your body
mass index, and track everything from your caffeine intake to your cholesterol. In the iStep
series, you can find counters for steps, calories and distance, as well as alarms, a stopwatch, a
flashlight and more. ($39.95, sportbrain.com)
........................................................................
VIRTUAL
REALITY
QUADS
Nothing looks more fun than
the new Cybex TRAZER, an
interactive virtual world where
THE GLOVED
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If a sports bra isn't your style, the
your off-screen reaction time,
Power Glove is a convenient way to
acceleration,
power
monitor your heart rate and the num-
and balance drive your on-
ber of calories burned without a bulky
screen activities. Though not
chest strap or watch. If you use the
speed,
cheap, the TRAZER comes
glove several times a day, it automati-
with a Samsung 21-inch flat
cally adds how many calories you've
panel LCD monitor, a simulator
burned into a grand daily total, while
core with integrated tracker
heart rates are divided into zones like
bar, software with 20 pro-
fat burning, cardio conditioning
grams that can be modified to
maximum. And if you're weight train-
work with different
and
people,
ing, the glove easily allows you to
two beacon belts, and a key-
monitor your heart rate in between
board and touch pad. ($7,490,
sets. ($59.95, impactsports.com)
cybextrazer.com)
Curve
71
DIVBride. . . continued
frompage39
Bull's Zinfandel, which makes a mean Zin-Gria
(dancingbull.com). If you're dead set on serving
MusicWatch. . . continued
frompage67
and "Vazulina." Did I mention she's also
strikingly beautiful? (escondidamusic.com)
mixed drinks, offer one or two special cocktails
so you can limit the types of alcohol and lower
the costs. Because our wedding colors were
Music for Crocodiles, Susheela Raman
(Narada)
green apple and a preppy, '80s-chic bubblegum,
This third release from the London-born,
Australian-raised child of Tamil parents tips
more to the Western side of her musical background than her critically lauded, previous
two albums, but definitely retains enough
classical Southern Indian, African and
European influences to warrant its inclusion
here on our sonic journey. Raman employed
a band of international musicians (a
Cameroonian bassist, Guinea-Bissau percussionist, American drummer and British tabla
player and guitarist) and recorded in India,
France and the United Kingdom, though
more than half the record is sung in English.
The resulting album ranges from lush, worldflavored, English-language jazz-pop and
R&B cuts like the opening, "What Silence
Said," to the French "L'Ame Volatile" and
South Indian traditiona~ grooves like "Idi
Samayam" and "Sharavana," sung in Tamil.
It's a global gumbo of rhythms, instrumentation and language that makes it difficult to
categorize, but easy to enjoy. (narada.com)
we offered two specialty cocktails: a frozen mint
chocolatini and a frozen pink cosmo (made with
Absolute, Stoli, Vox Green Apple and, my new
fave, rice-infused Asian Han vodkas).
You may also want to forego the cocktails,
especially if many of your friends are teetotalers.
We decided to separatethe cocktail hour from the
rest of the reception, where we gave guests two
delightful teas: DHC's Roasted Black Soybean
Tea ($6 for 10, dhc.com) and Mighty Leafs amazing artisan teas (mightyleaf.com),including a wedding day tea called Celebration, which you can
buy in silk fortune-cookie-style coin purses and
give out as favors. And booze is still a great gift:
We gave our attendants a bottle of Phillips
Union's VanillaWhiskey or Cherry Whiskey.
DON'T FORGET TO PERSONALIZE
Dykes too often play model gay (we have to have
perfect families, perfect behavior and perfect
commitment ceremonies), but this is truly your
special day, so make it all about you two. We
released native butterflies ($65 and up, renaissancebutterflies.com) as my sister-in-law read a
Native American legend about butterflies being
wish messengers.At our reception, we gave out
pieces of gum that we wrapped with pieces of
paper that read "We're Sticking Together:'
If you're a sports fan, have your guests sign
a soccer ball instead of a traditional guest
book. Hire a caricature artist, a psychic or a
drag king troupe for an hour of your reception
(usually $100 will do); have your bridesmaids
tote Ann Veronica handbags instead of flowers (annveronica.com); or have everyone hold
3-foot long sparklers above you as you make
an exit worthy of fireworks ($60 for 48,
sparklersonline.com). Another great idea is to
have lesbian-friendly artist Carol Lebeaux
make heirloom-quality silhouettes of the newlyweds and everyone else at the reception to
display for decades to come (silhouettes-bycarol.com).
Whatever you imagine, you can do it on a
budget, and your guests will love the personal
touch.
Wait, there's more: Go to curvemag.com for an extensive
look at wedding planners, gift registries, must-read wedding books, bachelorette party tips, cocktail recipes and gift
ideas for your whole wedding party. Additional research by
Lauren Marie Fleming, Ariane Resnick and Janel M. Lynch.
72 MAY 2006
In the Stacks. . . continued
frompage64
basic autobiographical story, which traces
and juxtaposes her father's growing neuroses as a closeted gay man with young
Alison's growing self-awareness as a lesbian,
is moving in and of itself. Combine this with
Bechdel's supremely skilled artwork, and it's
a winning combination.
Like much of Bechdel's previous work, in
· particular the groundbreaking dyke life strip
Dykes to Watch Out For, this book is utterly
addictive. I read the entire book in one sitting,
captivated and carried away to tiny Beech
Creek, Penn., and the large family home that
Bechdel's father painstakingly and obsessively
restores to its full gothic glory. Bechdel relies
on her own memory as well as a stockpile of
journals and family mementos to portray her
family in as accurate but caring a light as possible. There's her emotionally distant but
internally seething perfectionist father; her sad
and settled actor-musician mother; and her
two younger brothers who, like Bechdel, must
polish the ornate family furnishings, assist
their father at his second job at the familyowned funeral home he runs (referred to by
the children as Fun Home), and accompany
him on camping trips and weekend sprees to
New York with a host of teenage boys some of whom, it is suggested, her father has
successfully managed to seduce.
Sharing a love of reading with her literature-obsessed father, who also works as a
high school English teacher, keeps Bechdel at
least connected with a man she might otherwise have grown to abhor. His subdued revelation to her of his homosexuality shortly
before his death - and only after she dares to
come out to him - gives the book a melancholic, bittersweet air. As she tries to reach
back in time to understand her father's life
and her own place in it, you'll find the pages
of Fun Home flipping faster and faster as you
are whisked along on a revelatory journey to
the heart of a father-daughter relationship one which ultimately shaped Bechdel into the
beloved artist we have long known and
admired. (houghtonmifflinbooks.com)
DykeDrama. . . continued
frompage69
you simply must invite the whole family to
witness your vows - not just the cool relatives
who are supportive and well-behaved. We
have seen enough of them at our (yawn) commitment ceremonies, thank you. I must hear
about your great-aunt's duodenal biopsy. The
event won't be a success until a surly relative
approaches and loudly demands, "Which one
of the brides is the man?" And watching uninvited little ones dart under the buffet to bring
your six-tiered, twin-bride-topped, hazelnut
buttercream wedding cake ever closer to the
edge of the table is just the type of high drama
we guests are craving.
I can't wait till we can register at real
stores like real brides. Forget all of that inlieu-of-gifts-make-a-dona tion-to-the-sa vethe-unicorns-foundation crap. We will make
it clear to our guests that we don't want any
stupid poetry books or pottery either. We
want real stuff, like silverware, that we can
take back to real stores for real cash.
After more careful consideration, I have
decided not to wait until our unions are fully
legal to turn into a demanding bride-to-be.
Perhaps all of this polite waiting and these civil
discussionsare working against us. I say we call
up our local congresspersonsand treat them to
a Bridezillatirade about how our wedding day
is the most important day of our lives, and no
blankety-blanklaw is going to stand in the way
of our joy. Then, while I'm still all worked up,
I'll call a wedding planner and tell her I've got
something big and bold in mind and warn her
that if she's not up to the challenge, there are
plenty of planners out there who would feel
lucky to kiss my big, green, scaly feet.
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ULTIMATE LESBIAN EROTICA 2006
It's here at last! Editor Nicole Foster once again serves up a spicy collection for those
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Curve
73
CURVEBoutique: back issues
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76 MAY 2006
VOL 14#7
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favorite L Word character
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THEGOOD
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This collection skips
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hot, hot heart of our
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This tome holds your
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in the best-selling
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gets in and out in a
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48071 $15.95
THEGOOD
VIBRATIONS
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TOSEX
The most complete sex
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45303 $25.95
SKINDEEP
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In this collection of
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For everyone interested in strap-on play,
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It's that time of year
again! This time
around the legendary
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drooling over.
45016 $14.95
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To the next town or
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gotta have the ultimate
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Advice on lodging,
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30000 $17.95
AWAKENING
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Call it what you will;
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ecstatic joys of womanon-woman sex.
48058 $13.95
DYKE
DRAMA
This hilarious and helpful handbook includes
shocking true testimonials of the worst dyke
drama imaginable! By
Leslie Lange.
48069 $14.95
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Let's Party Like It's 2006
It's our anniversary this month, and after
16 years of publishing the best-selling
lesbian magazine in America, CURVE'S
authority on lesbian life extends far beyond
the magazine's pages. We've produced or
sponsored some of the country's hottest lesbian events, including Girl Bar Dinah Shore
Weekend, AquaGirl in Miami Beach, Girls
in Wonderland at Gay Day Orlando,
women's parties at the March on
Washington, and L Word premieres. If
you've been to any of our parties, you know
the energy is electrifying.
You - our readers - often ask us to
bring the party (and the women) to your
town. This year we're pumping it up, producing two mega events for women that
incorporate local and national lesbian
party producers and benefit nonprofit
partners. Live music and special guest performers offer opportunities to meet some
of the fabulous women we've profiled in
the magazine. So, mark your calendar and
come celebrate with us at the coolest
women's parties in the country. Here's a
bit more about some of the special celebrations we have planned:
Frances R. Stevens
Publisher / Editor in Chief
If you've ever been to
one of our parties, you
know the energy is
downright electrifying.
Curve
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Allison Steinberg, Jocelyn Voo, Margaret
Webb, Andy Wright
Atlanta Pride (June 23-25): Peach, the official Atlanta Pride women's party, will heat
up the town on June 24, right after Pride and the Dyke March. Why Peach? It's sweet,
juicy, sexy Atlanta personified. CuRVEjoins forces with Atlanta Pride and Ultra and
Pandora Events (producers of AquaGirl and Girls in Wonderland) to host the most
spectacular women's party the South has ever seen. At the Sheraton Midtown Atlanta
Hotel at Colony Square, the Official Women's Host Hotel, we'll kick off the weekend
with a welcome cocktail reception on June 22. Peach will take place at the Loft, a
multi-level dance space near the Piedmont Park Pride celebrations, complete with live
entertainment, funky women DJs and hot South Beach dancers.
Gay Games VII (July 15-22): This July, thousands of athletes and spectators will conwill team
verge in Chicago for the Gay Games Sports and Cultural Festival. CURVE
up with Chicago's premiere lesbian producers, Chix Mix Productions, to present
three huge women's dance parties: the Black Bra Internationale, Score and the closing party, Adrenaline. Each party will celebrate women athletes and feature the
hottest dancers from Los Angeles' Girl Bar - plus celebrities you won't want to miss.
I can tell you that we're pulling out all the stops this year. Visit curvemag.com and
read the magazine's ads for the full scoop. I hope to see you shakin' your stuff on
the dance floor. It'll be a sizzling summer you won't want to miss.
Katherine Streeter
Contributing Illustrator
Contributing Photographers Sherry Rayo Barnett, Rodger
Benjamins, Phyllis Christopher, Andrei
Contiu, Dominik Damaziak, Lydia
Daniller, Sam Emerson, Justin Field,
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Kandyba, Tamrov Konstantin, Lorene
Hiris Liu, Shari MacDonald, Elizabeth
McGurr, Deborah Metsh, Maggie
Parker, George Pimentel, Shae Rocco,
R. Sebree, Isabel Snyder, Karen Squires,
Max Vadukal, Evans Ward, Misty
Winter, Karen Zarker
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24 IN SEARCH
OFTHETASMANIAN
DEVIL
by Jenna Goldberg
From cartoon lore to down under delights,
two women discover Tasmania.
30 PERFECRY
PRETTY
PIPERPERABO
by Andy Wright
The girl from Coyote Ugly and Lost & Delirious,
Piper Perabo is back in a new lesbian film.
48 MOTHER'S
DAYWRAP-UP
by Gretchen Lee and Beren deMotier
New custody battles are taking lesbian moms
into the courts. Plus: Having a toddler makes
"the talk" come easy.
52 SHANE,SHANE,SHANE
by Sarah Warn
Yeah, baby, that's Shane on our cover.
What else do we need to say?
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60 SENDMEANANGEL
by Allison Steinberg
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34 CONFESSIONS
OFA
DIVBRIDE
by Diane Anderson-Minshall
From dresses to swag to lesbian
wedding photographers, creating
the perfect affair for under five
grand is easy.
40 IF YOULEGALIZE
IT,THEY
WILLCOME
by Margaret Webb
Getting hitched has never been
easier, now that it's legal in
Canada.
42 YOUDON'THAVETO
WEARA DRESS
by Diane Anderson-Minshall
Face it, we don't all want to
wear princess dresses. Sexy
options for the rest of us.
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44 PORTRAITS
OFLESBIAN
MARRIAGES
by Vanessa Barrington and
Kathy Beige
Conductors Kathleen McGuire
and Stephanie Smith know
how to make a marriage work.
Plus: Wedding day memories
from two lesbian celebrity
couples.
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46 GOINGTOTHECOURTHOUSE
by Malinda Lo
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same-sex marriage rights in the
United States. Plus: resources to
help you protect your partnership
and a guide to what's legal where.
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4 MAY 2006
COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY MAX VADUKAL/SHOWTIME
FAST
&EASY
GUARANTE
Saving
is simple
whenyoubuild
yourowncustom,
gay-friendly
vacationfor a greatpriceat
Orbitz- it's thefaster,easier
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s
8 CONTRIBUTORS
They laughed, they cried,
they wrote these articles.
18 OPENSTUDIO
Gale Hart makes the personal political.
10 LETTERS
Finally, tell us how you
really feel about us.
20 LIPSTICK
& DIPSTICK
Is she a crazy cat lady in
the making?
12 OUTIN FRONT
21 ASKFAIRYBUTCH
Sarah Zupko shows us
why pop matters.
Teenage angst in Montana.
14 CURVATURES
Gosh Lindsay Lohan is
cute. So is Jennifer Beals.
22 LESBOFILE
Jeans for girls like us, a
cute lesbian cobbler, an L
Word perfume and the
passing of another pioneer.
22 SHESAID,SHESAID
Brokeback wife and the
O.C.'s semi-lez.
62 SAPPHIC
SCREEN
68 DYKEDRAMA
Wire in the Blood gets a
pick while Bedwin Hacker
takes us to North Africa.
Plus: Director
Deborah
Garcia Koons on food.
Here come the lesbian
brides. Now where the hell
is the drama?
70 BROWNWORTH
64 IN THESTACKS
We need the right to choose
marriage.
Cartoonist Alison Bechdel
and Michelle Tea have new
novels. And get vegan with
Isa Chandra Moscowitz.
66 MUSICWATCH
Around the world with
women who can sing out.
Plus: girl next door Stacie
Rose.
71 TECHGIRL
Can't fit into those board
shorts yet? Fitness gadgets
that can help you suck it up.
80 TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
Minnesota film festival
matron Lisa Ganser.
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Freedom
started
here.
SPECIALEVENTS
Philadelphia
Gay& Lesbian
TheatreFestival
June15th- July2nd
We invite you to have a great time in the place where all
people were given the freedom to live life as they choose.
We've got historical firsts, exciting cultural attractions and
RECEIVEYOUR FREE
"GAY WELCOME KIT"
WHEN YOU BOOKYOUR
Sisters nightclub where you'll always feel welcome. Make
PHilADElPHiA
FREEDOM
your plans to visit Philadelphia and the Countryside®today.
HOTELPACKAGE
scores of lesbian-friendly restaurants, theaters, shops and
gophila.com/gay
~.
PHILLY'S MORE•
fl,lt,IWHENYOU
PhiladelphiaGay
Tourism Caucus
ourismMarl<cting
l'ltilud1lua
w
tJicC01n1try.side
SLEEP
OVER
contributors
"I WISH MY PARENTS
• Needto get away?
We havethe perfectplace.
Actually,we have9,000.
Ourguidesare packedwith
LGBTaccommodations,
bars,
bookstores,
cafes& more,
acrossthe US,Canada,
Europe& beyond.
had named me Madonna,"
muses Andy Wright, who
wonders if Piper Perabo's
parents' choice to name
their daughter after actor
Piper Laurie set her on her
career path. "I have to
admit, I'm annoyed that
Piper's alumni paper - she
went to Ohio State - has
already snagged the headline 'Piping Hot."' Wright's
interview with the actor
begins on page 30. When
not busy quizzing actors
about their thoughts on
"crossing over," Wright
busies herself listening to
NPR, sewing stuffed animals and perfecting her
taxidermy skills. Wright,
who resides in the Bay area
and works as a freelance
writer/office drone, hopes
to one day become an independently wealthy socialite.
She is currently working on
a video project exploring
female dialogue in popular
romantic films through the
re-editing of Casablanca
and When Harry Met Sally.
"WRITING 'LESBOFILE'
or log on
WWW.
8 MAY 2006
is probably one of the most
cathartic - and hilarious professional moves I've made
to date," says Jocelyn Voo, a
regular CuRVEcontributor
who has also written for
Ladies' Home Journal and
FHM. "But I've come to
terms with it: Hello, my
name is Jocelyn, and I am an
avid follower of really trashy,
really awesome media
gossip." A UC Berkeley
graduate and California
transplant who now dodges
taxicabs on the streets of
Manhattan, Voo has a soft
spot for surfer slang and
spends far too much time
indulging her love-hate relationship with the Internet.
She also entertains grand
plans of one day becoming a
D-list celebrity so she can do
snarky commentary on
VHl. In the meantime, she
enjoys words and people
and food and spontaneity
and laughter and lunacy. But
mostly laughter and lunacy.
"MY JOURNALISTIC
career has its roots back in
Ireland in 1995, when two
friends and I launched an
alternative music magazine.
Although we sold every
copy, we made no money
whatsoever in our yearlong
endeavor. Getting promotional CDs in the mail was
our biggest thrill - and
our only pay," says Aefa
Mulholland, who interviewed New Jersey singer
Stacie Rose for this issue
(see page 67). "I've worked
in many unlikely corners of
journalism since then, but
the excitement of getting a
new record in the mail has
never faded." In addition to
contributing to CURVE,
Mulholland has recently
been published in the
Miami Herald and on
PlanetOut.com, Gay.com
and TripAdvisor.com. She
works mostly as a travel
writer and is currently puzzling over what to pack for
upcoming trips to Arizona,
New Mexico, Texas and the
south of France.
Congrats, Jen!
CURVE
CONTRIBUTOR
JENNIFER
CORDAY
doesn't only know how to wield a pen - she's also a musician, and she and her band were recently nominated for
Best Pop Rock Band at the first annual Southern California
Music Awards. "We performed live
at the event," Corday says, "and got
a great response from the fans. It
was an honor to be nominated~
Though Corday didn't take home
this award, she scored three wins
at last year's Orange County Music
Awards - Best Live Band, Best
Alternative Band and Best Solo
Female - to become the first ever three-time winner.
Corday is currently working on her fourth studio record,
which will be released this summer. For more info on her
upcoming tour, visit corday.net.
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19 Passengerferry service resumes
between Bostonand Ptown
20 PBGCasinoNight
20-21 MonumentalYardSale
26-29 Memorial DayWeekend
JUNE
1 Annual Chef'sTable
10 HelpingOurWomen:By the Sea
Bike Trek
14-18ProvincetownInternationalFilm
Festival
17 TennisFor Life Tournament
22 A ProvincetownTastingat The
ProvincetownTheater
22-25 PortugueseFestival
JULY
1-7 4th of July Week-parties/events
4 Fourthof July Paradeand
Fireworks
9 ProvincetownArt Associationand
Museum:Secret GardenTour
25 FamilySunsetCampfireand Singalong at Race Point Beach
7/29-8/5 11thAnnual FamilyPrideWeek
AUGUST
5-6 Pan-MassachusettsChallenge
11-13SecondAnnual Provincetown
Jazz Festival
Call888-361-5211
for yourGuideto Gay& LesbianProvincetown.
Visit us at:
WNW.Ptown.org
14-19CarnivalWeek
17 CarnivalParade
(starts in EastEndat 3PM)
letters
What's up With Ellen?
Happy 25th!
I received my issue of CURVEthis week and
was pleasantly surprised to see that a photo
from the New York City Anti-Violence
Project's ninth annual Courage Awards was
included in the Scene section (Vol. 16, #2).
Thank you so much! The Anti-Violence
Project is the nation's largest crime-victim
service agency for the lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual and HIV-affected communities, and we kicked off our 25th anniversary
celebration with the 2005 Courage Awards.
Having this photo placed in a nationally distributed magazine means a tremendous
amount to us. Thank you!
- Patricia Rios, New York City Gay &
Lesbian Anti-Violence Project
Secret Daniela Admirer
I just wanted to tell you how thrilled I was to
see Daniela Sea on your cover (Vol. 16, #1) !
My heart just skipped a beat and I swear I
stopped breathing for a moment. She is
incredibly beautiful, and
your interview showed
how she's beautiful on the
inside as well. I'm in the
throes of a mad crush on
her, and if she's ever written off The L Word I don't
know what I'll do! Thanks
again for great coverage.
And please keep the great
pies of her coming - I
cannot get enough!
- Anonymous
Fan of Fairy Butch
I have had the wonderful
timing of visiting my little sister this week. I
went to your CURVEparty and enjoyed it
immensely. It was pleasingly intimate and
colorful. San Francisco women are such a
delight, sharing in their diversity. If possible,
I would like to know more about your sexy
emcee and if there is a way to look this butch
up. I would like to have her emcee some of
our Los Angeles gatherings if possible.
- Alice Olson, via e-mail
Editors note: We're so glad you enjoyed
our January issue release party in San
Francisco! And we're so pleased you got a
kick out of Fairy Butch, our longtime advice
columnist and the emcee at the event. You
can look her up at fairybutch.com.
10 MAY 2006
I would like to issue a warning to my out
and proud lesbian and bisexual sisters: Don't
go see a taping of The Ellen DeGeneres
Show while looking like a dyke.
I've seen tapings of talk shows before, and
I know they put people with certain looks up
front ... but to intentionally put your fan base
(read: lesbians) in the farthest reaches of the
studio and out of the sight of cameras ... is
seriously uncool.
We only drove for two hours to see the
taping, but I feel sorry for the women who
came from Indiana, Ohio, New York and
Florida to see their favorite lesbian talk show
host, just to be dissed and placed in the
Riffraff Room for no better reason than someone forgot to tell them to hide their sexuality.
So for those of you who happen to be lesbians
and want to see The Ellen DeGeneres Show,
be sure to wear a nice dress and for heaven's
sake, don't forget the lipstick!
wiser, I once again attempted to find community and affirmation in a publication
made for lesbians.
While critical analysis of the "heroin
chic" of the '90s has helped to make bellies
and thighs a comeback for images of femme
girls in the less-mainstream media ... there is
still a missing link. We are still feeding into
the decidedly hetero and anti-woman gender
roles of society.
Even more painful than the lack of
empowering imagery is the myth that lesbian
culture wholly accepts all shapes and sizes.
(If fat is sexy and I can't seem to find anyone,
there must be something really wrong with
me!) When am I going to open up your pages
and see a 260-pound, low-maintenance (no
makeup and hairy armpits!) femme lounging
comfortably on your pages? I ask that, as a
mirror and influential part of lesbian culture,
you become more aware of the images you
are asking readers to emulate.
- EJ, Portland, Maine
- Karyn Mucklow, San Diego
Who Was That Jeweler?
I am a home subscriber
and recall reading an
interesting profile about a
celebrity stylist-turnedjewelry designer several
months ago. She makes
really unique bands with
specially chosen stones
inside the bands .... [I] ...
wondered if you might be
able to send me her name?
By the way, you all are
doing a great job. I love
pulling out a new issue
from my mailbox!
- Alison Subin, San Diego
Editor's note: That was jeweler Holly
Riddel, whom we profiled in our October
200 5 issue ("Top Ten Reasons We Love
Holly Riddel," Vol. IJ, #6). Check out her
line of unique rings at hollyriddel.com.
Fat Is Sexy
I have a favor to ask of you. When I came
out in my violently homophobic high school,
I tried to find solace in the pages of your
magazine. After many failed attempts, I realized that I found reading CURVEjust as isolating as any other publication. Eight years
later and, one can only hope, somewhat
Constructive Criticism
I recognize the limitations of being based in
California - but it's really your responsibility as journalists to break out of provincialism. Almost every single one of your alleged
"power couples" ("Top 10 Lesbian Power
Couples," Vol. 15, #7) was based on the
West Coast and tied to the margins of the
film industry and, too often, to POWER UP.
How much payola are they giving you guys?
It was hilarious that the contribution made
by the token Midwestern couple was that
they owned a failed winery. Really, is that
the best you could do? As for the Northeast,
how disappointing. Of all the many, many
gorgeous, successful, powerful and empowered lesbian couples in Washington, Boston
and New York, you had to choose Cynthia
Nixon and What's-Her- ame, who have
done ... um ... what powerful thing did they
do again? Managed to not break up? Next
time, take a few minutes to visit the Victory
Fund's Web site and learn about awesome
lesbians in office and their powerful partners, who use their hard-earned status and
privilege to change the world, not make
crashingly lame lesbian movies you could
not pay me or my friends to see.
- Molly Dahl, Washington
Reaching Out
I am a 23-year-old, lesbian, African-American
woman. All my life I have felt so alone in my
mind, heart and soul. I thought by finally
being true to myself, by coming out last year,
things would change. But they haven't. I still
feel so alone, and it makes me feel my existence doesn't mean anything. I wouldn't even
be telling anyone this if I didn't hear this song
by Shivaree, "I Will Go Quietly," on The L
Word season three soundtrack. Just by hearing her voice and her words she made me feel
that somewhere, someone just might understand me.
- Nacome, Fairfield, Calif.
Editor's note: Nacome, hang in there, girl.
You are not alone. It may take awhile to find
your place in the universe - and the lesbian
community - but I guarantee that there are
thousands of other lesbians who once felt
like you and now have thrilling, fulfilling
and meaningful lives. Keep us posted!
Whom Should We Support?
I luuuv your magazine! Is there a list that
ranks gay and lesbian charities and organizations by how they spend their money?
This would help many of us who are struggling to figure out whom to give our money
to. Thanks.
- Kelly, Baltimore
Editor's note: You can start with the
Funders for Lesbian and Gay Issues, a
national network that serves as a central
resource for philanthropy in the LGBT community. Their online database, located at
www. workinggroup.
orgllgbtfunders/
database.htm, allows you to search by state,
organization name, issue areas and populations served.
Corrections
On the February 2006 (Vol. 16, #1) "Scene"
page, photo No. 8 was incorrectly identified.
The delegates were in fact from Toronto and
Vancouver. In our April 2006 (Vol. 16, #3)
article "Dykes Livin' Large," we omitted the
Web site URL for dykesinthecity; visit their
online shop at <lite.net.CURVE
regrets the error
and omission.
Got Something on Your Mind?
E-mail letters@curvemag.com; write to
CURVELetters, 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510,
San Francisco, CA 94103; or fax to (415)
863-1609. Letters may be
curve
11
12 MAY 2006
In Her Shoes
SARA
MCINTOSH
WAS
LIVING
A SELF-SUFFICIENT
"back to the land" lifestyle in the '70s, growing her own food and
making her own furniture, when her shoes fell apart.
"I needed shoes and couldn't find what I wanted in stores, so I
decided to make my own," she says over the phone from Santa Fe.
"I took apart a pair that was falling apart and made a pattern. The
business grew organically from there. I made them for family and
friends. The biggest surprise is that I'm still doing it 32 years later."
Sara's Shoes (sarasshoes.com) first built up a large clientele at
women's music festivals, where the lesbian cobbler put shoes on display, measured feet and took orders. McIntosh now has enough
business from the Internet and her regular customers that she works
from her home studio.
Styles in McIntosh's catalog range from Barcelona to Boulder,
with plenty of cities and shoe designs -in between. McIntosh laughs
when asked if she has been everywhere her footwear name-checks.
"No, I travel vicariously," she says. "First, I named them after letters of the alphabet, but people said that was too boring. Then after
birds. Now cities. I'm going to Italy this fall, so it might be added to
the list."
She explains why custom-made shoes have proven to be such a
hit. "People get custom-fit shoes if they can't get shoes to fit. A lot
of people are finding they can't just walk in, try on a size 8 and walk
out with it. Manufacturers are making a less broad range of sizes,
so it's not an easy thing to find, for instance, a shoe with a wide toe
box and a narrow heel. Another reason is if you have two differently sized feet. Do you buy for the big foot, and deal with it being
floppy on the other? Or for more serious problems ... I can put a
lift in, or make two differently sized shoes. . .. Another group of
people simply like having handmade shoes."
Sara's Shoes also offers the kind of customer service that's hard to
find these days, McIntosh adds. "My shoes can be resoled any number of times.... It's nice to have something that can be fixed, that
you can have for a while. How long [my shoes] last depends on how
people take care of them. I have gotten shoes back after 15 years for
resoling .... One of the things that we've lost, in the States particularly, is the connection between what we use, wear and buy. I think
a lot of people really appreciate that there's an actual person behind
what they wear. And lesbians absolutely love that I'm a dyke!"
- Aefa Mulholland
Lezzies Love Denim
WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY -
finding good jeans is no easy feat. Every year
we hear the buzz about what's hot (this year
it's Red Engine, Mavi, Sass & Bide and
American Eagle) but often they don't fit
(especially if you have too much junk in the
trunk) or are too expensive. Plus, we want to
vote with .our pocketbooks, so designers
need to do more than just stitch a great pair
of pencil pants.
That's where a few designers come in
handy. Based in Italy, Meltin' Pot
(www.meltinpot.com) hit the lesbian radar
last winter when their ad campaign, Love
the Difference, showcased the company's
notion of hybridity by using real queer and
straight couples (our £ave: lesbian couple
Amanda and Wynette). Their jeans are hot
14 MAY 2006
too, combining the unexpected simplicity of
new classicism with a rock edge.
Equally cool is the African Americanowned company Perazzi Apparel (owned by
a lesbian and two friends); its PZI jeans label
(pzijeans.com) offers the ultimate jeans for
women with real curves. PZI jeans are tailored to fit women with more in the hips and
rear, so us bodacious babes get a great fit
without that giant gap at the waist. With a
couple of dozen new styles - including our
£ave, gaucho jeans - and their focus on
urban cred for women in that 25-55 age
range, PZI is sure to be a hit.
Oh, and if you're plus-size, baby, get
thee to lesbian-friendly Torrid (torrid.com),
where Baby Phat jeans are where it's at.
- Diane Anderson-Minshall
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WANT TO TURN UP THE VOLUME ON
your Web site? Think your blog seems a little toned down? Want people to hear what
you really meant to say in your e-mail?
Audio Acrobat (audioacrobat.com) stands
poised to stop those awkward silences once
and for all. Championed by Oakland,
Calif. 's Women's Online Media and
Education Network (womensradio.com),
Audio Acrobat is a low-cost broadcasting
service that allows women to add their own
audio to Web sites and e-mails. Lest anyone
fear that this proprietary technology will get
minds or modems into a complicated muddle, the beauty of this system is its sheer simplicity. Creating and adding content can be
done from your home phone, cell phone or
via a PC microphone for FM quality sound.
Those wanting to mix and customize their
audio content - for a radio show or music
clips - can simply get everything exactly the
way they want it and then upload the results
directly from their PC.
"Now women will not have to depend on
the Wall Street-financed, male-dominated
broadcasting industry to give them access
to a small geographic
area," says
W.O.M.E.N.'s CEO, Pat Lynch. "With
Audio Acrobat, they can talk to or broadcast to anyone in the world, in any language." So whether your site needs
earnest testimonials called in from clients,
cheerful commentary to accompany your
vacation snaps, informative
lectures,
interviews, opinions or hour-long radio
shows, 200 hours of airtime await those
bold enough to grab the nearest microphone or cell phone. - Aefa Mulholland
The Passingof a Pioneer
AUTHOR, THERAPIST AND LIFELONG
queer activist Betty Berzon died in January at
the age of 78, following a 20-year battle with
cancer.In 1971, Berzon helped found the country's first social service agency for the LGBT
community, now called the Los Angeles Gay
and Lesbian Center. Instrumental in organizing
the first meeting of gays in the American
Psychological Association at a time when the
profession still categorized homosexuality as a
mental illness,she later penned best-sellingselfhelp books directed toward lesbians and gays,
including Permanent Partners and The
Intimacy Dance. She won a Lambda Literary
Award for her memoir, Surviving Madness: A
Therapist's Own Story. Berzon is survived by
Terry DeCrescenzo, her partner of 33 years.
- Janel M. Lynch
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16 MAY 2006
Art GalleryWith a Twist
IT'S SEX POSITIVE - VERY SEX POSITIVE.
It's all about DIY. It's a nonprofit. It's both
an art gallery and a performance space,
and it hosts classes, open mies, workshops
and craft sessions. This isn't your mother's
venue for stitch-and-bitch, nor is it quite
like anywhere you've been before. It's the
queerly wonderful Femina Potens, and it is
thriving in San Francisco's Mission
District. Founded in 2000 by 20-something writer and performance artist Tina
Butcher, Femina Potens was born in a
garage and has since blossomed into a
storefront gallery complete with a library
and crafts for sale made by women and
transfolk. The gallery, named from the
Latin for "strong woman," has attracted
the likes of Carol Queen, Annie Sprinkle
and Michelle Tea through its heavy
involvement in the "sex work as female
empowerment" post-feminist movement.
Activities at Femina Potens occur frequently and the gallery regularly offers new
and different attractions. The weekly Crafty
Bitches Too boasts that you may arrive completely sans skills or materials, and someone
there will take you under her wing and
show you what's what when it comes to
making a scarf. In November, they held a
Katastrophe rocks the mic
Tina Butcher gets all wrapped up
two-week-long silent auction, with some of
the artwork prices beginning at only $20 so
as "to enable accessibility of works to our
community of artists and activists." Other
calendar highlights include Rock Out With
Your Cock Out music concerts with genderqueer bands such as Dyspecific (who
performed on the main stage at the 2005 San
Francisco Gender Parade), and the monthly
GenderEnders, a "live music and spoken
word event that aims to foster community
among transgender, intersex and genderqueeridentified performers," coordinated by lesbian
MTF and spoken word artist Julia Serano.
Next time you're in the city by the bay,
check out the gallery that's changing the face
of the San Francisco women's art scene. For
more information, visit feminapotens.com.
- Ariane Resnick
EXTRA,EXTRA
IF YOU'VE EVER WISHED THERE WAS
one Web site that aggregated all the LGBT
news of the day in one place, your wish has
now been granted. AllGayNews.com, which
launched last fall, is the latest brainchild of
AfterEllen.com founder and lesbian media
maven Sarah Warn. Every day, users from
around the world - that's you, readers submit links to news stories about anything
and everything queer, from obscure tidbits
about Czech gay rights to the latest
Hollywood rumors. But let me warn you:
Surfing through the vast variety of stories,
which are helpfully sorted by gender and
category (including "bizarre" and "outrageous"), can be downright addictive, so
make sure your boss isn't watching before
you start clicking. - Malinda Lo
DO WE NEEDOUR OWN ENERGYDRINK?
SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED FOR THE FEMALE BODY (withantioxidants,
calfor women.
ciumand ginseng},HER energydrinkis billedas a "healthyenergyrevitalizer"
Theconcoctioncomespackagedin cutelittlepinkandwhitecans- butshouldit replace
Red Bullor RockStaras ourspinningcompanion?Maybeso. CURVE put a trioof tasters
to the test, and each agreedthat the pinklemonadeflavorbeat otherenergydrinkson
the marketwhile givingthe same boost (and, for some,the same afternoonlull}.Our
favoritepart?Findingoutthatfivepercentof the proceedsfromHER are donatedto batteredwomen'ssheltersand breastcancerresearch.- Lauren lfarie Fleming
Curve
17
Ever since her childhood
fascination with
nuts, bolts, wood and scrap metal, artist Gale Hart's career has
revolved around connecting disparate components to make a
statement. Now art and animal lovers alike are taking notice of her
smart, satirical and inspiring work. Tackling the disturbing subject
of animal abuse, Hart's current series of art exhibits (provocatively
titled Why Not Eat Your Pet?) asks an incredibly uncomfortable
question: What psychological lines divide our little darlings from
being our dinner?
Using a variety of media, including pencil, acrylic, mixed media
and bronze, works such as Why'd You Have to Go and Shoot My
Momma and Proctor and Gamble's Guinea Pig bring awareness
to many issues of animal abuse. Hart's arresting images intend to
bring us face to face with the suffering that we humans often force
animals to undergo, not by assailing viewers with gore, but by placing familiar creatures and pop culture characters like Bambi into
shocking situations.
This month, Hart's work is on display at Sacramento's TOYROOM Gallery (toyroomgallery.com) and Healdsburg's Roshambo
Winery and Gallery (roshambowinery.com). Hart plans to give a portion of sales from her work to animal protection groups and sanctuaries, including Animal Place, Animal Protection Institute and Viva!,
and has convinced the galleries to contribute as well. Visit her online
at whynoteatyourpet.com. - Aefa Mulholland
Plug-and-Play Techno Pet
WITH THE TAMAGOTCHI CRAZE SAFELY
a decade behind us, I thought it was safe to
believe that the beeping, blinking, digital pet
trend had officially become extinct. No such
luck. Instead, manufacturer Mimoco has created Mimobots - USB flash memory drives
designed to look like colorful, cartoonish
monsters by renowned graphic artist Yahid
"Serial Killer" Rodriguez - that are cute
enough to get even this cynic cooing over the
latest line of techno pets.
Let's face it: The 2-inch monsters are prized
more as collector'sitems than as memory sticks.
Mimobots even come with a fabricated history, described as a colony of peaceful aliens
from the planet blooh that have an incredible capacity for - what else? - memory.
Last December, the Mimobot goSeries
debuted five new monsters with varying
memory capacities up to 2 GB, all of which
come programmed with mini-games from
Peskimo. At prices starting at $69.95 for
25 6 MB, you can own the best kind of pet:
one that doesn't need constant coddling and
won't leave presents on the carpet. Check
them out at mimoco.com. - Jocelyn Voo
A VIPpass Into the worklof the block-
bustershow, TheL Kt>rd:Welcometo
Our PlanetIs the absolutemust-have
bookfor everyfan.
FEATURES:
• Over 200 color photographs,
many of them appearing for the
first time anywhere!
• An in-depth look at the main
characters, the locations, and
the styles
• All-new interviews with the cast,
crew, and creators
• An introduction by the show's
creator, Ilene Chaiken
• A comprehensive episode guide
• And much more...
Curve
19
The Truth About Cats and Dogs
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm a 21-yearold lesbian who works at the mall. There's
this girl who works across the way in
Sephora whom I see all the time. At times,
when we make eye contact, I think she
may be interested, but I can't get the
nerve to ask her out. I think she's a lesbian, but I'm not sure. She has short hair
and a masculine leather watch. If I ask her
out and she says no, it'd be really awkward to see her every day. And I'm not
sure it's appropriate to go into her workplace to get her phone number because
all of her coworkers know where I work.
How can I find out if she's gay? - Mall Rat
Lipstick: I love Sephora! Mall Rat, what makes
you think you need to run up to her and say,
"Hi, can I have your phone number? I wanna
chow your box:' Why not just introduce
yourself, say that you've seen her across the
way, figured she was new and wanted to
say hello? Feel her out (no, do not use your
girlfriend if I get another cat? What if I
had three cats? And are there colors or
types I should be looking for, to attract
more women? - Confused Pussy
hands!) and, while you're looking into her
in the program and I believe these are the
eyes, turn up your gaydar. What kind of
energy does she give off? Once you're·face
first two tenets of Alcoholics Anonymous:
1) Don't drink. 2) Don't date the hot party
to face, labia to labia, I bet you'll know. Ask
her when she has a break - maybe you
animal in your bikram class (unless she can
wrap her leg around her head; then sleep
could shag and grab her tits. Oops, I meant
with her once and run in the opposite direc-
Lipstick: Oh sweet girl, all lesbians know gray
grab a bag of chips! Sorry. Didn't mean to
get ahead of myself.
tion). For real, almost everyone I've known
who's tried to cross-pollinate has ended up
cats attract more women than tabbies, and
medium-haired calicos are the ideal night
Dipstick: Rat, she's a lesbo. Straight girls do
with their wounded heart in a brown bag.
Bottoms up with caution.
cats for the nightcap - they help you bag
the babe every time. Stay away from
Dipstick: Oh Lipstick, that is so old school.
Siamese cats, as they invite aggressive
women with short fuses. Aside from the
not wear men's watches, even in Sephora,
whatever that is. What you need to do is
catch this customer service worker off duty.
Hitting on a gal while she's on the job is
risky business. Here's the plan: Challenge
the Sephora team to a friendly game of softball, her store versus yours. If the girl can
bat and throw, you're golden. Get her drunk
at the post-game party and go for it!
Dear Lipstickand Dipstick:I recently started
dating this woman in my yoga dass. On
our third date, after I really started digging
her, she told me she was a recoveringalcoholic. My question is this: Could it work
between us? I like to go out and have a
good time every now and then. Should I
bail or give us a chance? - Last Call
Lipstick: Get out your stein, Light Boozer, and
start bailing because it won't work unless
you curb the drinking. I have friends that are
20 MAY 2006
These days, alkies and drinkers can mix like
gin and tonic. Well, maybe that's a bad analogy, but if you like this girl, things can work.
The best thing about gals in recovery is that
they're willing to face their issues - beats
make and model, the more pussies you
have, the more lesbians you'll appeal to, so
head to the shelter, Confused Pussy, and
someone blaming all the relationship problems on you, eh? If you do go out for a drink,
adopt every cat in the place. (Side note: the
smaller the apartment, the better.)
Dipstick: Once again, how wrong you are,
don't expect to come home and snog your
sober girl, though. Friends in the program
liken it to an ex-smoker making out with the
Marlboro Man. Yech!
Lipstick! How's she going to attract a
feline femme with her pussy at home? It's
not cats but cuddly puppies that are the
best babe magnets. A walk around the
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I have just
come out and am learning so many
things about the "life!' I heard recently
there's a deep connection between cats
and lesbians, but I've been seeing a lot
of lesbians with dogs. Are cat lovers
more often lesbians than dog lovers? I
have one cat. Would it help me to find a
park with Spot and all the ladies will come
running. Don't get me wrong - I love my
kitties, but they've never helped me purr
into a woman's ear. Plus, they always do
that little paw-under-the-door thing at such
inopportune times.
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Ask us anything about sex, love or lesbians
at lipstickdipstick.com.
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I Was a Teenage Lesbian
Dear Fairy Butch: I am 39 and have been
out and proud for about five years now.
The problem? Well, in a word, "husband!'
When I came out to him, he was so supportive and understanding. I have health
issues that preclude our being able to get
my own health insurance or work full
time, and he was kind enough to suggest
we stay married on paper so that I could
continue to get health care. My question
is this: When starting a relationship with a
woman, how do I explain my situation
without scaring her off? Do you think
women will dart? Help! - Matrimonial in
Mill Valley
Dear Matrimonial: Darling, the state of affairs
going. Do you have any ideas on what I
should do? - Miserable in Montana
in this country regarding health insurance is
Dear Miserable: Sugar plum, I really feel for
sorrowful, to say the least. If you've found a
way to keep you and your daughter insured,
you. It's never easy being a teenage queer,
then you just hang on with a quickness any
but being isolated in the middle of Big Sky
country and out of touch with a queer youth
way you can, and keep your fingers crossed
for Hillary in '08. As for would-be women in
community must be especially tough. I know
that it's rough right now, but you've obvi-
your life, you will likely encounter some resistance when they hear that you're still shacking
ously got a can-do spirit. There are a couple
of tacks you can take, the most impressive
up with (and shackled to) the old ball and
chain. Many women like to imagine a wide-
of which - the DIY approach with your gaystraight alliance - you've already begun.
open vista with visions of white picket fences,
Secondly, you can investigate Montana-
cohabitation and marital vows exclusiveto the
based queer resources and try to find youthspecific avenues therein. Or you can go the
two of you. You can't really blame them.
You'll most likely find success with a woman
youth-oriented route and see if any of those
who understands that life is often imperfect
and as we get older, we tend to accumulate
a Samsonite or two in our travels. You
roads lead back to Montana.
As for the former, I've found a few places you can
check out. According to gaymontana.org,
should be explicit about the nature of your
relationship, but realize that there will be
there's a thriving gay community in Montana
that's all yours for the taking. Also, check out
qnewsmontana.com and Montana Pride at
(406) 723-6656. For the youth-oriented
women who will blanch at your paper marriage, especially since you're living in a
brick-and-mortar house together.
Try this: "My ex and I are still married because he
provides our family with health insurance we
would otherwise be unable to procure. I have
been out five years, I'm a lesbian and we are
no longer romantically involved, nor will we
be in the future. Now, onto more interesting
:• (Fill in with a particutopics, like your __
larly captivating part of her body here.)
Dear Fairy Butch: I live in Montana, a state
with virtually no lesbians like me. I'm 16
years old and very, very lonely. Do you
have any advice on how to find a girlfriend? I'm starting a gay-straight alliance,
but it's going to be awhile until that gets
approach, try younggayamerica.com, "the
voice for the queer youth movement~ The
National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual
and Transgender Youth can be found at
outproud.org, and YouthResource, a Web
site by and for LGBTO young people, can be
found at youthresource.com. And if you've
got a yen to perform as a drag king, Stanley
Upstanding in Billings is looking for folks;
e-mail him at twofingermissoula@yahoo.com.
Hang in there, cherub!
Gentle Readers: To submit your queries
regarding the finer points of lesbian life, sexuality, romance and other matters of the
heart, send a note to fb@fairybutch.com.
C&wv9
21
>> By
Jocelyn
Yoo
Decoding the Lexicon of Lesbianism
"swinging on the pole with their arms
around each other's waists, kissing each
other, caressing each other, just acting like
strippers." Somehow, this is about as surprising as when it was "discovered" that
Moss was dipping into the nose candy.
THEME OF THE MONTH: LOOSE LIPS
and tight fists. You decode.
Honorary Bulldyke
Former New York City councilwoman
Margarita Lopez, the first openly lesbian
Puerto Rican ever elected to office, continues
to push the LGBT agenda one person at a
time - literally. According to the New York
Observer, at a January press conference celebrating arts in the East Village, Lopez ceremoniously dubbed New York mayor
Michael Bloomberg a "part of the group of
people that I am part of: the gay, lesbian,
transgender, bisexual community. And I
make him an honorary lesbian today." We
always thought he looked kinda butch.
Sobriety Becomes Them
For denial queens Kate "I Don't Do Drugs"
Moss and Lindsay "My Words Were
Twisted" Lohan, a night out clubbing on
the Lower East Side is not complete without
Life Imitates Art?
hitting up the "gentleman's club" Scores.
The pair was spotted drinking with several gal pals, yet managed to find time in
between receiving free lap dances to get in
on the stage action. The New York Post
reports that Moss and Lohan were
It's like you're 16 all over again; for the
first time, things are heating up down under.
Jaime Passier-Armstrong and Anna
Jullienne, who play lesbian lovers Jay and
Maia on New Zealand's only soap opera,
Short/and Street, found their characters
tying the knot on Valentine's Day in the
country's first on-screen civil union. But perhaps this is one instance in which art mimics
life. Passier-Armstrong split from her fiance
two weeks before her televised nuptials, and
Auckland's Sunday News claims that the
split is because Passier-Armstrong is more
similar to her character than anyone previously suspected.
"I ride motorcycles. I
drive fast cars. I can
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get in the first car of
that roller coaster and
scare myself and then
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do it again.">> Queen
Latifah to OK!
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"Honest to God, I
did ·not see the two
boys I know. I did
not see Jake and I
did not see Heath
when I saw that
scene - and I know
both of them well
(one of them better
than the other). After
the scene I just
asked them to embrace, to just hold each
other. It was a sweet moment." > > Actor
Michelle Williams, in Exp, on boyfriend Heath
Ledger's Brokeback Mountain Jove scenes
with Jake Gyl/enhaal
22 MAY 2006
"[Missy Elliott] has this dirty
version of 'Lose Control'
out there where she says,
'I'm gonna go down/Go
downtown and eat
you/Taste like peaches'! I
think she's talking to me.
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Rock star Peaches to Bust
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"People did not judge me at all or want to put me in a box because I was
playing a character that happened to be gay. People now appreciate that I
can do all different things. I always take it as a compliment when people
ask, 'Are you really bi?'">> Actor Olivia Wilde, who played Mischa
Barton's bisexual girlfriend last year on The O.C.
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Stepping Out
Not out of the ordinary:
L Word hottie Jennifer
Beals gets interviewed in
the Jan. 31 issue of The
Advocate. What is out of
the ordinary: Aforementioned L Word cast
member sort of outs a
thought-tp-be-straight
cast member.When Beals
was asked if she was ever assumed to be a lesbian, she replied, "I heard a rumor that somebody - a studio executive in L.A. who saw
some of the show - assumed I was bisexual.
Which was a huge compliment to me, because
oftentimes I will go [to] Leisha or Kate or
Ilene or Rose Troche most often and ask,
'OK, is this the right thing to do? Is this not the
right thing to do? Am I going to seem like a
total chump if I do this?'" Well, maybe - you
might want to ask Katherine Moennig, the
only not-out woman on your roster.
All Hail Bettie Page
It's been years in the making with
director Mary Harron (American
Psycho) and lesbian screenwriter
Guinevere Turner (The L Word)
propelling the project forward, so
we can't wait to see if Gretchen Mol
can fill the pin-up's very dirty shoes
in The Notorious Bettie Page, opening this month. Moreover, we're
waiting to see if this role changes
Moll's own ability to play with sexuality
off-screen, too.
Pioneers of 2005
Ellen DeGeneres was named one of the Top
10 Bodacious Women of 2005, an award
honoring courageous and inspiring women.
Honorees rounding out the rest of the top 10
include perma-Donna Reed Martha Stewart
and actor Geena Davis, proving that success
can still come after a prison sentence. Or
Stuart Little 2.
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23
An unforgettable Tasmanian eco-adventure.
By Jenna Goldberg
WE ARRIVED
AT FREYCINET
NATIONAL PARK JUST
before an awe-inspiring sunset. The deck surrounding the Freycinet
Lodge's restaurant was filled with onlookers enjoying a late snack and
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breathtaking views. The water in the lagoon beneath us shimmered with
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shades
of opal and turquoise as the sun approached the horizon, sink....
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ing slowly toward the long pier projecting out from the base of the
lodge. As the sky turned crimson, I was.startled by something scurrying
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behind me. I whipped around as a group of brushtail possum, with their
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long, bushy, gray, prehensile tails and foxlike faces, began snacking on a plate of
leftovers a diner had casually left behind.
Then one of the cute little creatures apparently mistook my travel mate Anna for a
tasty snack, taking a sizable bite out of her
sandal-clad toe as she stood waiting for
me to arrive for dinner. She was bloodied
but not dismayed, so I suggested a bandage might be a good idea.
Tasmania, the smallest and most southern Australian state, has often been called
one of the last of the living Edens, although
my childhood cartoon addiction left me
thinking otherwise.
I imagined the
Tasmanian Devil (or "Taz" as we called him
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on Saturday mornings) spinning around the countryside like a tornado,
demolishing everything in sight with his ferocious jaws. It left me with
the impression of a wild country, teeming with unusual flora and fauna
that I had to see. I headed to Tasmania hoping to spot a real Tasmanian
devil. What I didn't expect to find were friendly people, a thriving gay
and lesbian community, outrageous outdoor adventures and breathtaking views around every corner.
With her rugged athletic build tamed by sweet, deep-set dimples and
soft brown hair,Anna reminds me of a modern-day Xena - especially in this
land of bush walking and wild creatures. Originally from Melbourne, she
spent years following winter around the globe, shuffling between adventuring in Tasmania and ski patrol in the Canadian Rockies. We met up in
Hobart, Tasmania'scapital city. Nestled at the base of Mount Wellington and
overlooking the Derwent River, Hobart is an amazing juxtaposition of oldworld charm and modern decor. In the historic Sullivan's Cove precinct,
Georgian and Victorian sandstone buildings have been gloriously restored.
Old warehouses, factories, cottages and maritime workshops have been
renovated into posh restaurants,cafes and art galleries.
Anna explained, as I reluctantly rolled out of my comfortable bed at the
Henry Jones Art Hotel - a superb modern-eclectic hotel and art gallery that an early start was essential. We headed for Salamanca Place and its
outdoor market, possibly the best place to shop for locally crafted gifts.
The Salamanca market, where the early bird definitely gets the worm, happens only on Saturdays. The aromas of steaming coffee and sweet, fresh
carve
2s
organic fruits wafted under my nose as Anna navigated the
market like a pro, pointing out the best stalls to buy soft, handknit wool "jumpers" and Australian pine bowls and carvings.
Mingling in the vibrant crowd, Anna would stop every once in
a while to chat with a familiar face while I continued browsing,
destined to buy all the gifts I had promised to cart back. When
it was time to head off, I had accumulated more in under an
hour than I had room for in my suitcase.
GAY AND LESBIAN TASMANIA
Early 19th-century Tasmania, then called Van Diemen's Land,
was settled by the British as a penal colony and was the final
destination for thousands of prisoners from across the British
Empire, many of whom were imprisoned for "crimes against
Tasmania, settled by the British
as a penal colony, was the final
destination for thousands of
prisoners from across the
British Empire, many of whom
were imprisoned for "crimes
against nature!'
nature." Many prisoners, both men and women, engaged in
same-sex relations in Tasmania and even formed committed same-sex
air and water in the world. In fact, measurements taken there are used as
relationships, according to official reports.
global benchmarks for levels of air pollution.
By the mid-1800s, the mainstream community, outraged by "pseudo-
Cradle Mountain-Lake St. Clair National Park is part of a group of
males" (their term for women-loving women), separated lovers by sending
parks in western Tasmania that is protected as part of the Tasmanian
them to different sides of the island. Over the years, Hobart began to
World Heritage Area, one of only three temperate wilderness areas
attract more and more gays and lesbians, and by the 1920s, although it
remaining in the Southern Hemisphere. The rugged contours of Cradle
was still illegal, the city was home to a vibrant gay community.
Gay legislation reform campaigns started in the 1980s, and after lengthy
Mountain epitomize the untamed landscape. The park's Overland Track
transverses the heart of the area and is widely regarded as a walk of a
protests, Tasmaniabecame the first state in Australia to recognize same-sex
lifetime. An awesome six-day hike, the Track takes you past towering
unions. As of 2004, the Relationships Act grants lesbian and gay partners
forests of trees older than humanity, temperate rain forests, jagged
Anna smiles on Cradle Mountain (left); Subi Mea_~:!1Q~"J~~-l~!'~B~fil,.q\?ners
~f the Left Bank Cafe in Swan~ee (right). \ , :;:_"·•;,. •..
equal status to married couples. In response, gay-friendly communities are
mountains, trout-filled streams, glacial lakes, waterfalls and rocks from
thriving. For example, Swansee, a tiny village by Great Oyster Bay, is now
every geological period.
a vibrant and growing lesbian community.
Considering all the ecological diversity within the park, I was sure Anna
When Anna suggested we stop in at the Left Bank Cafe in Swansee
and I would spot the Tasmaniandevil here. What I didn't expect to see were
for "the best latte anywhere around~ I saw a rainbow flag swaying in the
two mysterious dark eyes peeking out of the water in the lake next to the
breeze. Over a delicious, frothy soy latte, I sat down with owners Subi
Cradle Mountain Lodge. The platypus is one of only three monotremes, or
Mead and Helen Bain, who had converted an old bank into their cafe, to
egg-laying mammals,still found on earth today. I stood mesmerized,waiting
discover why this seaside town is suddenly attracting lesbians. The Left
for it to surface over and over again. With its freakishly odd bill, webbed feet
Bank isn't a lesbian cafe - it's for everyone - but it's the anchor of
and broad tail, it was the oddest animal I'd ever seen. Too bad Anna was off
Swansee's lesbian community. Since it opened, women have caught on
on a hike. In all her time in Tasmania,she's still never seen one.
to the fact that it's simply a great place to be yourself.
CRADLE MOUNTAIN-LAKE
ST. CLAIR NATIONAL PARK
FREYCINET
NATIONAL PARK
Despite our possum encounter, Freycinet National Park, on the east
Tasmania's environmental policies are as enlightened as its civil rights
coast, quickly became my favorite of Tasmania's 17 accessible national
policies. More than a third of Tasmania is protected as a World Heritage
parks. It's home to Wineglass Bay, named by Outdoors magazine as one
Area and as national parks, forests and marine reserves. With kayaking,
of the world's top 10 beaches.
bush walking, rock climbing, mountain biking and four-wheeling, Tasmania
With the park's secluded bays, wide-open seas and pink granite coast-
is an adventure girl's paradise. Additionally, Tasmania boasts the cleanest
line, Freycinet has mind-blowing kayaking for everyone - novice to pro.
26 MAY 2006
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As individual as you are
Anna and I set out on a full-day kayaking trip
with Freycinet Adventures, an award-winning
After a long day of Freycinet adventures,
the area's accommodations provided the
eco-tourism company. Well-equipped with
plastic pants, fleece pullovers and neoprene
perfect respite. Nestled in the bushland overlooking Richardson's Beach is the Freycinet
booties, we were ready to explore one of
Lodge with its cozy cabins where Anna and I
lassie's most magnificent coastal parks.
The chilly waters of Muirs Beach in Coles
watched that amazing sunset. Even further
off the beaten path is Mount Paul on
Freycinet, where owners and couple Virginia
Bay were calm as we slid our double kayak
in. Our tour guide, Sam, summed it up when
Cowie and Phillippa Denne traded in their
she said, "If you aren't into geology when
you visit Freycinet, you'll be hooked once you
desk jobs in England to drive tractors and
get here." Stunning pink granite mountains,
crystal-clear blue waters and white, sandy
With a few beautifully appointed, modern
mountain lodges boasting balconies and
build fences on their very own mountain.
beaches were around every corner, and
breathtaking views, Mount Paul was the per-
when it started to drizzle, we pulled into a
tiny inlet snuggled between two huge pink
fect spot to put up our feet and reflect on our
adventures in the wilds of Tasmania before
boulders. We snacked on Sam's gummy
bears while the shower passed, entranced
heading home.
We asked Cowie and Denne for a tour, and
they happily shifted their Subaru Forester into
by the dozens of varieties of scarlet, jade and
four-wheel drive to bring us to the top of their
yellow seaweed shimmering brilliantly in the
clear waters beneath our kayak. When
returning from our paddle, the sun peeked
out and we stopped to enjoy it on one of the
On Freycinet Adventures' eco-adventure.
mountain. After navigating a dirt road teeming
with quirky animals, we arrived at the summit
with 360-degree, breathtaking views of the
countless beaches that dotted our excursion.
After a piping hot cup of coffee, we stripped down to our knickers for
Tasman Sea, the Hazards Mountains, Coles Bay, Great Oyster Bay (with
Maria Island in the distance) and the Swan River Estuary.
a refreshingly chilly swim. An otter - or was it a seal? It's all a blur now looking amused but not afraid, poked its head out of the water next to me
When I asked if we might catch a glimpse of a devil on Mount Paul,
as I realized that my fingers were turning blue in the autumn sea.
Later, as we paddled home, it dawned on me: Despite all the beaches
we passed and all the water we covered, we hadn't encountered a single
human. Mind-boggling.
Determined to experience all Tasmania had to offer, I abandoned
kayaking and took up four-wheeling. A complete novice, I admit I was
apprehensive as we set out behind our guide toward the winding dirt trail
that headed to the secluded Friendly Beaches. As we made our way past
granite boulders, eucalyptus and fern-studded trails, my fear was quickly
replaced with awe. As we neared the beach, we ran into four of our
guide's mates who had just pulled in a dozen or so crayfish.
Virginia told me that they are usually quite reclusive, and that the main
mammals they see on Mount Paul are wallabies (Bennetts and Rufous
hare), possums (brushtail and ringtail), echidnas, wombats, quolls (Eastern
and Spotted Tailed), devils, potoroos, pygmy possums and bettongs.
There are also a wide variety of birds, including sea- and wedge-tailed
eagles, laughing kookaburras, wattlebirds and yellow-tailed black cockatoos. In fact, a university team visits Mount Paul twice a year to trap and
tag devils in order to prevent a facial tumor disease that afflicts the animals,
and so far all their devils are "healthy and abundant'
I figured Mount Paul would be my best bet to finally spot a Tasmanian
devil before heading back home. Unfortunately,the only one I ever saw was
on the label of the Cascade ginger beer in my hand later that night.
WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?
Where you're going: When I said I was going
to Tasmania, my sister asked if I had gotten all
my vaccinations, while my mom asked, "Where
exactly is Tasmania?" Tasmania is the southernmost island at the bottom of Australia, and the
farther south you travel, the colder it gets.
When to go: I went in March, just before
winter in Australia. It's a great time to avoid
the crowds.
Get gay info: Download a copy of the
Tasmania Gay and Lesbian Visitor's Guide at
discovertasmania.com/gayfriendly.
Where to stay: In Hobart, Corinda's
Cottages (corindascottages.com.au) offers
19th-century cottages on the grounds of a
grand Victorian mansion on the National
Estate Registry. Also in Hobart, the Henry
Jones (thehenryjones.com) is Australia's only
28 MAY 2006
dedicated art hotel. Nestled on the waterfront,
it's a renovated row of historic warehouses
and a former jam factory. Alternatively, HI BA
Gatehouse (Tel. +03-6293-1456),
a gay-
offers sea-kayaking activities. Inside the park,
Great grub: Lickerish's modern Australian
cuisine is a delight (Tel. +03-6231-9186) while
Kate's Berry Farm (Tel.+03-6257-8428) on Great
Mountain Lodge (Tel. +03-6492-13030), with
its spa cabins overlooking the rainforest - and
fine Tasmanian food and wine - is a must. Built
Oyster Bay has the best fresh-picked berry ice
cream around. In the seaside town of Swansee, a
stop at the lesbian-owned Left Bank Cafe (Tel.
+03-6257-8896) is a must.
from local stone, slate and recycled timber, with
glass walls opening to dramatic views of the
Pencil Pine River, the king suites feature large
private decks with hot tubs.
If you still have time: Take a cruise in
Freycinet Lodge (freycinetlodge.com.au)has 60
cabins, a waterfront restaurant and bistro. Mount
Paul at Freycinet(mtpaul.com)offers breathtaking
owned private retreat with beach access, a views from its timber lodges in the center of the
stocked trout lake and gardens, is only six kilo- · FreycinetPeninsula.
Doing Cradle Mountain: The Cradle
meters from Adventure Bay village.
Doing
Freycinet
National
Park:
All4adventureATV (a114adventure.com.au)
will get
Peppermint Bay (peppermintbay.com.au) or
you out in the stunningsurroundsof the park,while enjoy wine tasting at Moorilla Estate
FreycinetAdventures (freycinetadventures.com.au) (moorilla.com.au).
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Curve
29
Love
at Firstight
Andotherthings
thatcanruina wedding
I ByAndy
Wright
In 2000's Coyote Ugly, Piper Perabo played a plucky young woman from New Jersey who moves to
New York to make it in the music industry. In true Hollywood fashion, she lands a job, not as a simple waitress, but as a bartender at a
fabled establishment where water is never served and the beautiful employees routinely dance on flaming countertops. A year later, she
appeared in Lost & Delirious as the brooding Paulie, a boarding school lesbian with a penchant for fencing and a doomed crush on a
classmate. This spring, she plays Rachel in the romantic comedy Imagine Me & You. Rachel is a young bride finally marching down the
aisle with her perfectly charming boyfriend of five years. Unfortunately for her perfectly charming boyfriend, it is on her way down the aisle
that she first locks eyes with Luce (Lena Headey), the wedding florist. Luce eventually progresses from tastefully arranging flowers for the
bride, to tastefully arranging herself and the bride atop a pile of flowers.
In the movie, one of the characters says, "anyone can cross
over:' and that becomes a theme. Do you think that's true?
Well, sur_e.I think that who you fall in love with is d~finitely not
something you can plan. Hopefully, everybody has the opportunity just once to meet someone you really love.
You played a lesbian in Lost & Delirious as well. What
attracts you to queer roles?
I think the writing for both of these films was really good. They're
whole women. They're not just somebody's girlfriend in the
background of an action film. Both of these roles were just
beautiful, whole people, and I think that's just interesting to me.
Do you think you approach playing a lesbian character any
differently now than you did five years ago?
That's an interesting question. I think I do. I think when I made Lost
& Delirious, I was younger, and that character and her understanding of lov~ was a much younger understanding. Paulie is a
little bit obsessed with herself and not really seeing that she's
hurting the woman she is in love with. Originally, I took the role
because I thought, God, she's a fucking hero. She's a hero.
Finally, a female hero character. But kind of to the exclusion of
the woman she loves. She gets so wrapped up in the saving of
her, that she misses it. Whereas in this film, Rachel is really
aware that she's going to hurt one person, because she's in
love with another person, and she's trying really hard to be honest and grown up about the fact that "I'm in love with this
woman. I know it isn't easy, but I have to be honest about what's
happening. I'm going to be as careful as I can to not be hurtful
but still be true to myself:' And that's really different. And I don't
know if I would have understood that as well five years ago.
Do you ever worry about being pigeonholed as an actress
who plays gay women?
That would not ... make me worry. They're strong. The ones that are
onscreen are written really smart. It's better than being typecast
as the girl from Coyote Ugly.
In Coyote Ugly, you're playing to male desire a lot, and
then in Imagine Me & You you're playing, at least partially,
to female desire. Do you think you play to each differently,
or is there no difference?
I think in Coyote Ugly, although maybe the film as a whole is in some
ways framed for male desire - that wasn't what I was playing. The
character is really, a little bit, on her own. She kind of has a love
interest, but it's really about a girl who's trying to stand up on her
own two feet. It's the same with this film. Rachel isn't playing for
female desire. She didn't even know that the person who would
be the love of her life was a woman until she saw her. And when
she saw her, she was about to marry a man. She can barely keep
her feet on the ground, poor Rachel. It spins you around a little bit
when you get knocked out by love like that.
You were in another film, The Cave, with Lena Headey, who
plays Rachel's love interest, Luce. Was it a coincidence that
you guys ended up in another film together?
It wasn't. We did The Cave first. We were the only women in a
very testosterone-heavy action film. We're in a foreign country,
underground, in the dirt, and it was not that nice. I was lucky
that she was a really amazing woman, and right away I was
like, "What's the Romanian word for beer?" and we'd go off
together to just hang out with another woman. We became
really good friends. So when Imagine Me & You came up and
Lena was being considered for a lead, she was on the phone
with me immediately asking "Have you seen this script? Have
you read this character?" And_the two of us were plotting to
get [writer-director] 01 Parker to let me play Rachel.
What other projects can we expect to see you in, and will
you be playing more gay roles in the future?
In the movie I'm in right now, I'm straight. I play Diane Keaton's oversexed, neurotic daughter. It's hilarious to work with a woman like
Diane Keaton. Sort of dreamy, I have to say. She's a magnificent
woman. Magnificent. Intelligent, politically astute, artistic. She's
got a rockin' bod for 60. I'm kind of infatuated with her.
It sounds like you have a crush on her.
I do! I follow her around like a puppy. It's embarrassing. I'm just
going to embarrass myself.
Curve
31
Cont
essions
ofa DIVBride
I had a great wedding for under $2,000, and you can too! By Diane Anderson-Minshall
My partner and I have been married
four times - each time to each other. It's not that we're pulling an
Elizabeth Taylor, getting divorced and remarried each time the love is
rekindled. No, we've had four wedding ceremonies, each time stepping
up the ladder of legalization, hoping that some day the state won't be
able to take away our rights.
The first, when we were a couple of firebrand 20-year-old baby dykes
who didn't really believe in marriage (or forever), was a private solstice
moon affair on a quiet Sawtooth mountaintop. Then, in the spring of
1990, we registered our domestic partnership in the one city that would
give us a document to frame: West Hollywood, Calif. In the mid-1990s,
when San Francisco mayor Willie Brown married 150 long-term samesex couples in a mass wedding, we both wore matching ivory dresses,
held small bouquets and spent as much time talking to NBC as we did
talking to each other.
Our third wedding took place at San Francisco City Hall in 2004
during the infamous month of legal same-sex marriage. This time I wore
polka dots, my partner wore a suit, and we stood in line for six hours to
get a marriage license that would be legal for less than a year. Finally,
two months ago, my partner - who is now transgender-identified - and
I married for the fourth time. We decided this would be our last wedding
ceremony, so we invited family and friends to join us in March for all the
34 MAY 2006
bling befitting a slightly traditional, yet nontraditional marriage like ours.
The best part? We did it for about $2,000, and we can tell you how to
have the wedding of your dreams without going bankrupt.
SET YOUR PRIORITIES
Before you start planning your wedding, sit down and talk about what's
most important to you - and don't forget that the $125 billion wedding
industry (geared mostly toward straight couples) isn't necessarily thinking about what you want when you walk down the aisle.
According to a 2005 survey from the Fairchild Bridal Group, the average cost of a wedding is nearly $30,000, and when I hit the bridal fairs
with my maid of honor, we noticed that many of the women there - gay
and straight - were planning weddings that topped at around $50,000.
I don't know about you, but we can't afford to spend that much money
on a house, much less a wedding. So I skipped all the expert advice and
did my own queer wedding intel.
Find the Advice That Fits Your Needs
I scoured endless wedding books for tips, but one book changed my life
- or at least my wallet. Kathleen Kennedy's Priceless Weddings for
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Under $5,000 reminded me that a priceless wedding is just that - priceless - so you can do it on any budget. Kennedy's cornerstone piece of
advice was to pick out the three most important things you want to get
out of your wedding and then view every decision in light of that list.
You can also save yourself some headaches by visiting Kathryn
Hamm's TwoBrides.com, an emporium of advice and vendors specializing in lesbian weddings. Two Brides was founded by Hamm's mom,
Gretchen, as a mother-of-the-lesbian-bride operation. Today, the Hamm
women
operate
a
showroom
in
Virginia,
the
Web
sites
GayWeddings.com and TwoGrooms.com, and are social activists who
support marriage equality.
Location, Location, Location
The cost of a wedding varies depending on where you host it. For example, in my hometown of Payette, Idaho, a wedding averages $18,000,
whereas in the San Francisco Bay area, the cost skyrockets to $45,000.
And since some queer couples want to get legally married in Canada or
Massachusetts, a destination wedding actually might save you money.
If Canada's in your plans, you might want to hire a planner like Hudson
Nuptials (hudsonnuptials.com), a gay-owned wedding firm that arranges
destination weddings for same-sex couples looking to marry in Toronto.
If you're a resident who can marry in Massachusetts, consider the
Ocean Edge Resort and Golf Club (oceanedge.com) for a wedding
perched on a bluff overlooking Cape Cod Bay. Their all-inclusive I Do for
Two elopement package covers the ceremony, officiant, bouquet and
boutonniere, photo session, champagne, candlelit dinner, wedding cake
for two, and three nights at the resort - all for less than $2,000.
In Boston, head over to the Onyx Hotel for a Proud to Be in Love
package that offers flower petals strewn over your bed and champagne
($229, onyxhotel.com).
You don't need a boutique hotel to make things special. The lesbianowned Highlands Inn (highlandsinn-nh.com) in Bethlehem, N.H., is among
the top lesbian guest houses in the country. An hour from Canada and a
mere 20 minutes from Vermont, the Highlands has helped numerous couples arrange a quick wedding in Canada or a civil union in Vermont before
heading back to the Highlands for a reception and honeymoon on its
secluded, 100-acre mountain retreat.
Ceremonies by Nan Klater (top), Renellie's cake topppers are
girl-girl glam (bottom right) and lesbian newlyweds Rebecca
and Jacqueline adorn Mrs. Beasley's wedding photo cookies.
Save the Date
Stationery companies are getting used to dealing with same-sex couples,
but even with the very gay-friendly ones, you may have to put up with filling in blanks for "bride" and "groom;' Don't fret: That never shows up on
your invitation, and our favorite companies don't even question a female
name in the "groom" part of the order form. For affordable invitation
options, try out gay-friendly Now and Forever (now-and-forever.com), My
Jean M (myjeanm.com) or Invitations By Dawn (invitationsbydawn.com),
where we ordered 100 invitations for $130.
If you've planned to splurge in this area, indulge yourself with Festivale's
raffia-wrapped Bali invitations ($4 each, festivale.net); Papagraphics miniature passports (prices vary, papagraphics.com); Botanical Paperworks'
handmade, wildflower-seeded, plantable invitations ($4 each and up,
botanicalpaperworks.com); or Paper Girl's fabric-pocketed Nicola card,
belted in a silk ribbon with a rhinestone buckle ($23 each, paper-girl.com).
All four of these small companies are women-owned and LG BT-friendly.
You'll also need thank you cards, and that's where designer Erica
Goldstein's Paper Bride comes in (paperbride.com). Goldstein, an LGBT
supporter and a longtime advocate of legalizing gay marriage, has creat-
Save yourself trouble with Paper Bride's deluxe
thank you card kit.
36 MAY 2006
ed the Paper Rainbow line especially for lesbian and gay couples. I sent
thank you cards to all of my bridesmaids that read, "And now I get to
ensure that your dress won't be prettier than mine;'
The Ocean Edge Resort's I Do For Two elopement package covers
the ceremony, officiant, bouquet and boutonniere, photo session,
champagne, candlelit dinner, wedding cake for two, and threenight stay - all for less than $2,000.
Rainbow Greetings (rainbowgreetings.com),
another new card
designer, has an adorable card to give the wedding couple themselves, featuring two brides, one in a white veil and one in a tux, with
butterflies fluttering around them.
You May Now Kiss the Bride
Finding someone to officiate at your wedding or commitment ceremony is
getting easier. In many areas, nondenominational officiants who work with
lesbians are plentiful; if you're in rural North Dakota, though, you may have
more difficulty. First, try online message boards or craigslist.org sites, as
well as your local gay newspaper and nearest LG BT community center.
A Note About Bling
Even if you can't afford a Tiffany engagement ring, that doesn't mean you
shouldn't be decked out like a princess (or prince) on your special day.
Two churches are universal supporters of same-sex commitment Metropolitan Community Church and Unitarian Universalist - and if you
have one near you, they will be helpful. And if you really want a lesbian offi-
You can find rhinestone tiaras on eBay for less than $10, or if this is your
splurge, go high-end with Tacori's pink pearl Swarovski crystal tiara
ciant to marry you, consider footing the bill for her to fly up. Many, like Nan
Klater (ceremoniesbynan.com)from Tampa, Fla.,are willing to make the trip.
($650, tacori.com).
If regular diamond rings are too girlie, Gravure's new line of commit-
In the 10 years Klater has been performing wedding ceremonies, she says
she's seen everythingfrom the basic to the bizarre: "There was even a wedding with a pig as the ring bearer and farm animals in the ceremony:'
ment rings (gravurecommitment.com) are for same-sex couples who
don't want to say "I do" in the same old gold-banded and diamondencrusted way while hot, young designer Karen Konzuk's minimalist steel
and cubic zirconia rings (konzuk.com) offer a particulary wonderful lesbian take on the classic wedding set. My partner and I fell in love with a
sterling silver band engraved in Hebrew with words from the Song of
Solomon: "I am my beloved's, my beloved is
mine." It's sold by the Human Right
Campaign ($39.95, hrc.org), and part of the
proceeds goes to benefit the charity.
Then I discovered Kristina Pitaniello (your
favoritediamonds.com), a Boston-based jewelry artist, industrial designer and lesbian who
has been designing wedding bands and
engagement rings for about 10 years.
Her jewelry is worn by some Hollywood
celebs including The L Word's Rosanna
Arquette, but Pitaniello has a soft spot for
dykes. "It must be incredibly hard to walk into
a very conservative store and shop for an
engagement ring for your girlfriend;' she
says. "An intimacy goes on between a salesperson and a client when buying a ring. I'm
sure it would be difficult if a store were not
welcoming to gays:• Her advice? "Have me
design your ring or rings!"
I Saw a Photograph
In 1999, award-winning New York City wedding photographer Laurie
Rhodes (laurierhodes.com) left an 18-year career as a TV executive to
become a photographer, and now her work can be found in
Kristina Pitaniello's
Bark-style silver ring
(top) and Karen
Konzuk's steel double
wedding band (bottom).
numerous newlyweds' homes as well as publications like
Gourmet, Modern Bride and the New York Times. Rhodes knows
the ins and outs of documenting a same-sex wedding - and not
just because she's a lesbian herself.
"It's a wonderful opportunity to be around people who are celebrating their lives together. . . . Be yourselves;• she suggests.
"Show yourselves; don't worry about posing. Enjoy the fact that the
people around you are celebrating your love for each other - and
crying is OK:' She says the two most important issues in seeking a
photographer are "One, do you like and feel comfortable with the
photographer? Two, is the photographer's style the style of photography that you want? If it's not, they're not going to be able to change
for your wedding, even if they promise they can do that:'
Of course, you don't have to go with a pro like Rhodes if your
budget won't allow it, though you should always ask- many photographers are willing to make compromises to fit your budget.
Some couples, ourselves included, enlist a friend who is a photographer or camcorder jockey. If you ask around, you might be
surprised at the skills your friends can provide.
Curve
37
You can also enlist the assistance of your
guests to take photos. We snagged disposable
For lesbian newlywed Jennifer Simons, that
meant going to the grocery store: "The roses
Fuji cameras at our local drugstore for $2 each,
were bought the day before the wedding from
Costco, and held up wonderful. At $14.99 for
then pasted on a sheet of paper with our names,
wedding date and the Chinese character for love.
two dozen, you can't go wrong:'
Also, look beyond the local florist. Both
Most importantly, we printed a card that asked
ProFlowers.com and 1-800-Flowers offer lower
our guests to help capture the moments - and to
leave the cameras on the tables at the end of the
cost bridal packages that aren't always listed on
their Web sites, and at FlowerBud.com, you can
party instead of walking away with them.
buy flowers in bulk and invite your artsy dyke
friends to help assemble bouquets.
Don't Be Afraid of Beauty
As soon as you say makeup, some dykes scram.
You may want to skip flowers altogether and
get an Edible Fruit Bouquet (available at
Well, don't fret. While most people - men
included - look better on camera with some
a centerpiece and an appetizer.
ediblearrangements.com) that can serve as both
foundation, you don't have to go high femme to
look good on your special day.
I used DHC's Velvet Skin Coat, a pre-makeup
Unforgettable Decor
prep that keeps your makeup on from dusk till
Thoughtful touches at the reception mean that
dawn; Revitalizing Moisture Strips to take away
that puffy "wild bachelorette party" look; and
nobody cares if you have flowers. Instead of
pricey floral arrangements, light up a bevy of
Vitamin C White Stick lip moisturizer to get my
pucker in shape (dhccare.com).
sumptuous-smelling candles from gay-owned
candle maker Bluewick, with fragrances such as
dewberry (grapefruit and black currant) and my
For makeup itself, I used noncomedogenic,
anti-inflammatory, cruelty-free products from
gloMinerals
(glominerals.com),
including
favorite, Pepperpinch (ground pepper and toma-
its
to). Each candle is made from 100 percent soy
wax farmed in the United States, handmade in
gloBronze, gloliquid Lips, gloCamouflage and
gloBody Glisten. Mineral makeup is great for
micro batches using recycled and renewable
weddings because it looks natural but also
deflects light, so it keeps you protected when
everyone is snapping photos. (Oh, some of the
boys in my wedding party used DHC eyelash
tonic, a lash-strengthening gel without color, and
nobody knew they were wearing makeup.)
Dancing Bull's Zin-Gria is an inexpensive wedding cocktail. Hamptons
Honey says you were meant to bee.
For the wedding night, there are endless varieties of luxurious massage
bars, butters and oils you can use to set the mood - start with Lush's
French Kiss, Fever and Sex Bomb ($5 and up, lush.com). If you're not a
spring chicken, then pack the women-owned Emerita's stylish Joy Box
($25, emerita.com), a romantic cigar box-like kit, aimed at peri/menopausal
women who might need an extra kick, which includes warming lubricant,
response tropical arousal creme, massage oil, candles and some postcards to brag to your friends about the wife you bagged.
THE PERFECT RECEPTION AT THE PERFECT PRICE
The main cost of most weddings - lesbian or otherwise - is the reception,
which usually adds up to about half the total wedding cost. But we did
some things to substantially reduce the cost: We had an early-afternoon
wedding in the off-season (September through March) and made favors
and other decorations ourselves. Here are some more ways to save on
reception basics.
Love in Bloom
Flowers aren't cheap. A traditional florist who outfits you with a giant
bridal bouquet, bouquets for each bridesmaid, boutonnieres for. each
attendant, corsages for your moms and a basket for the flower girl is
going to cost more than a lifetime pass to the WNBA. How can you save?
One word: downsize.
38 MAY 2006
packaging materials ($6 and up, bluewick.com).
You can also light up an evening reception with
Mexican Tin Art Luminarias (505-345-7231) for
a Southwestern touch.
Unique decorative touches can also double
as favors, especially if they're edible. At our afternoon reception, we set
out jars of raw, unfiltered wildflower and black locus blossom honey from
the Hamptons Honey Company ($30 for four jars, hamptonshoney.com)
with little stickers that read "Meant to Bee." I also love Mrs. Beasley's
Photo Image Cookies ($42 for 12, mrsbeasleys.com), iced shortbread
cookies printed with an image of your choice using edible food coloring
sugar paper.
Chocolate is another luxurious party favor that doesn't have to break
the bank. Send off your guests with little bags of Green & Black's organic
cocoa powder, complete with child-sized milk containers, for a tasty
nightcap (greenandblacks.com); a piece of Jin Patisserie's hand-painted
lemongrass chocolates (jinpatisserie.com); lesbian chocolatier Kathy
Wiley's individually wrapped chocolate tiles topped with sea salt
(pocodolce.com); or Candy Mega Rings (oldtimecandy.com).
Ding Dongs and Other Cakes
Wedding cake tastings are one of the big perks of wedding planning.
Even if you're going to buy a Ding Dong cake from your local supermarket, you should still go to a few cake tastings just for the fun of it. We
found our cake designer, Julia San Bartalome, on craigslist.org. She
made us a half-chocolate (with caramel and walnuts) and half-carrot cake
with cream cheese frosting and layered fondant in four tiers (two of
which were made with foam to save money) that served 50 people - for
the shockingly low price of $300. You can also have a small cake for the
cake-cutting photo op, then serve guests from a more affordable sheet
cake kept in the kitchen.
friends were sifting through caterers who
If you think big, fancy cakes are passe,
try the increasingly popular cupcake
charged $75 per . person, we looked up
caterers on craigslist, hunting for a woman
option. That's what Jennifer Lyn Simons
and Vivian Berrios did for their Westford,
who works with same-sex couples. We found
Carrie Primavera (outtamykitchen.com), who
Mass., wedding reception last year. In
addition to buying most of their reception
our house in the middle of the night to
edibles and all of their liquor and flowers at
accommodate our busy schedules, and then
Costco, the duo served cupcake wedding
prepared a scrumptious Asian fusion menu
everyone loved for close to $10 a person.
cakes. "They are becoming really popular,
and I actually got the idea out of the
Martha Stewart Living magazine;' Simons
reports. "We ordered them from the local
supermarket bakery in a variety of flavors
brought scads of food to our tasting, came to
Let bubbles flow from a Sofia
Coppola mini.
To make sure you really save money,
remember to think buffet rather than sit down
(no servers needed), skip dessert (Why compete with a cake?), look for caterers adver-
and had them specially decorated~
tised on craigslist or alternative newspapers, and ask local restaurants or
No matter what you decide, make sure you consider getting a cake
topper that reflects your life. This tradition is finally open to lesbians with
organic grocery stores if they have an employee who also caters.
cake toppers from Renellie, Inc., the first company to release interracial,
Bring on the Booze
interchangeable, same-sex cake topper porcelain figurines ($99.99 per
couple, www.renellie.com). They offer brides in gowns, a soft butch
Alcohol can be the most expensive item in your budget if you don't think
bride in a tuxedo dress and grooms that look, well, a lot like some dykes
smart. Step one: no open bar. Step two: Consider skipping alcohol alto-
I know.
gether, or serve only wine, which you can buy at bargain prices at a shop
like Trader Joe's. If you'd like to serve wine from lesbian vintners, try
Speaking of Food
If you've got friends willing to help, there's no reason you can't cater your
own reception or rehearsal dinner (we did the latter and everyone
pitched in). But don't think you can't afford a caterer, either. While our
Calico Red from Washington's Bergevin Lane Vineyards ($18, bergevin
lane.com), Hip Chicks Do Wine's kitschy Riot Girl Rose, Bad Girl Blanc
and Drop Dead Red ($10 and up, hipchicksdowine.com)
DIVBride...
or Dancing
continued
onpage72
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IfYouLealize
It,They
WillCome
It's a scene that's becoming
increasingly commonplace in Canada. On a rainy Friday
in Vancouver, British Columbia, two women check into
a Hilton Hotel. On discovering the gals from Austin,
Texas, are here to get married, the hotel immediately
upgrades them to a suite and sends them a massive
bouquet of flowers. "It seemed like everyone in the hotel
was overjoyed and smiling;' says Suzanna Barber.
"That was really the most amazing thing;' adds
Kimery Poldrack. "Everyone was just so cool about it."
Indeed, after their ceremony that night at a nearby
restaurant, a woman celebrating her 28th wedding
anniversary with her husband stopped by their table to
congratulate them, gushing that it was wonderful to
see them starting their lives together. "You have to
understand, this sort of thing doesn't exactly happen in
Texas every day," Poldrack says.
Since same-sex marriage became legal in Canada
during the summer of 2005, thousands of American
couples have marched north to tie the knot. That's
good news not just for Canadians but couples around
the world, as Canadian marriage laws have no residency requirements, unlike the other four countries and
Hudson Nuptials helps American couples tie the knot in Canada
the state of Massachusetts that have legalized same-sex marriages. In
definitely more gay-positive than others. And, as in the United States,
most Canadian provinces, you can fly in, apply for a license and get mar-
marriage falls under a provincial (or state) jurisdiction, which adds local
ried on the same day. Of the nearly 3,000 gay couples who have
complications. For instance, Montreal, perhaps Canada's gayest and
exchanged vows at Toronto's City Hall since 2003, almost 1,200 have
most romantic city, is expecting thousands to attend this summer's first
been Americans. Last summer, Rosie O'Donnell and Kelli Carpenter
ever Outgames (July 29-Aug. 5). But if you come to the Outgames plan-
O'Donnell's R Family Vacations famously chartered an ocean liner from
ning to squeeze in a trip down the aisle, you should know that Quebec
New York with 2,000 gay and lesbian parents and their children. When
requires couples - straight and gay - to apply for a marriage license 20
they arrived in Halifax, Nova Scotia, 10 couples stepped off the
days in advance of the wedding. Better to hop across the border to the
Norwegian Dawn and got married dockside at Pier 21.
Canada's first openly gay judge, Harvey Brownstone, has married
nation's capital of Ottawa, Ontario, or get married in Toronto during Pride
Week celebrations (June 19-25), which attract up to a million revelers.
hundreds of gay couples (he offers his services for free), making the
The boom in international same-sex marriages in Canada has
pages of the New York Post and People for his pioneering work. Some
spawned a micro-industry in gay wedding planners. They differ signifi-
American couples are using their Canadian marriage licenses to advocate
cantly from their straight counterparts, acting as tour guides (booking
for spousal insurance benefits back home. But even if the marriages are
gay-friendly hotels, restaurants and excursions), legal experts (guiding
not recognized by U.S. governments, Brownstone says American couples
you through the process of getting a marriage license) and ceremony
are still eager to have their relationship given legal status in Canada.
planners (arranging for gay-positive or gay clergy and secular officials).
"The emotions are profound. There's usually not a dry eye in the office;'
Hudson Nuptials, run by Phil Connell, launched last fall to cater specif-
he says. "They are so blown away by the rights we have here in Canada. The
ically to Americans planning small, upscale destination weddings in
process of getting a wedding license to them is hugely significant, and they
Toronto. For Washington, D.C., couple Kristen and Gretchen, who were
can't believe that a judge has the authority to convey this status on them~
married this past December, they organized an intimate ceremony and
Couples say marriage makes a political and emotional statement to
spa-style long weekend at the Windsor Arms boutique hotel, a favorite
their friends, family and community that their relationship is meaningful
hangout for Hollywood stars during the Toronto International Film Festival.
and lasting - and that's what they take home. Brownstone explains:
"We're both really busy people;' says Kristen, "so we wanted some-
"They are not just people who love each other and live together, but they
one to facilitate absolutely everything so that we could focus more on the
have a status, dignity, equality, respect. I ask every couple I marry, does
symbolism of what this means to us:' On arrival, the couple met with a
it make a difference? And even couples who have been together. 30
gay United Church minister who would marry them the next day.
years say, yes, it does:'
But getting hitched in a foreign country does have some hitches chiefly knowing the lay of the land. Like any country, some regions are
40 MAY 2006
"She helped us understand and translate our gut feelings into
exactly what we wanted for the ceremony;' says Kristen. "It was pretty
amazing. I can't believe how intense it was to say the vows." Hudson
z
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...,
w
Nuptials videotaped the ceremony, which the couple will
show at a party for friends back in D.C.
Pride Bride, based in Winnipeg, Manitoba Gust north of
Minneapolis), have organized hundreds of ceremonies across
Canada over the past four years, but have increasingly
focused on staging weddings in its funky hometown. (If you
like summer arts festivals, you'll love Winnipeg.) Partners Rita
Leonard and Paula Rutledge have helped a gay couple tie the
knot on a yacht and two cowboys get married home on the
range. One of their favorites was helping two gals get hitched
in their small hometown: Pride Bride ran a block on homophobic vendors and sussed out friendly types, leaving the
brides to party worry free.
In Vancouver, Taylore Darnel and Daiana Leask, partners in
life and in their business Belles and Balls, have been helping
gay couples get married for three years, straight couples for
nearly 20. They've staged weddings in a 1,000-year-old rainforest, at the gay end of Vancouver's famous Wreck Beach
(clothing optional} and on top of the city's ski mountain.
Increasingly, they're taking couples to destination sites such
as Salt Spring Island to marry on a cliff overlooking the ocean
A CANADIAN PRIMER
Here are a few leads to get you
started on your Canadian wedding.
Toronto City Hall Wedding
Chambers: Call ahead to book at
(416) 363-0316 or visit
marryus.org.
Metropolitan Community
Church of Toronto: MCC offers
both religious and nonreligious
ceremonies, from C$500-850.
Call (416) 406-6228 ext. 170 or
visit mcctoronto.com.
Belles and Balls: Based in
Vancouver, call (888) 540-7455
or visit bellesandballs.com.
or to Whistler, where you can exchange vows on top of a
mountain, then take your guests hiking, mountain biking or skiing.
Belles and Balls helped Suzannaand Kimerystage their intimatewedding
for seven. Prior to the ceremony,the couple skied at Whistler, then married at
Hart House restaurant,set in a quaint Vancouverheritage house that offered
a private room with a fireplace for the ceremony.They wanted a wedding that
was about tradition, but not politics, and that was poignant, yet secular.
Hudson Nuptials: Based in
Toronto, call (416) 628-4380 or
visit hudsonnuptials.com.
OutbyView: Based in Montreal,
these gay and lesbian travel agents
can also help plan your wedding
in Montreal, but keep in mind,
Quebec requires you to apply for
a wedding certificate 20 days
before your marriage. Call (866)
966-8829 or visit outbyview.com.
Pride Bride: Based in Winnipeg,
call (204) 223-0862 or visit pridebride.com.
"We hoped for a fairy tale and we got better:' says Suzanna. "The
whole ceremony was incredibly magical and a lasting experience. It was
apolitical, yet when the [the wedding commissioner] said you are now
legally married, it wasn't just significant for us as a couple, it was significant in a public way for others. It's a legal recognition of what we believe
in our hearts:'
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Curve
41
Playing
Dress
Up
It doesn't always have to be about the puffy gown.
"The
•.
nUffi bef One queStlOn,
"
says TwoBrides.com's Kathryn
Hamm, for lesbians getting married is, "what am I going to wear?" Hamm says TwoBrides.com
is developing relationships with designers and a major bridal retailer who understand the
needs of lesbian couples, but, Hamm says, in the meantime, keep a few things in mind.
If you absolutely want a traditional gown, learn the lingo by reading the only lesbian-friendly
bridal magazine, The Knot, to understand terms like princess, empire and A-line. Several
designers love to work with lesbian couples. New York's Birnbaum & Bullock (birnbaumand
bullock.com) are gay designers who have always worked with lesbian couples and have shown
a commitment to the queer community. Also accustomed to LGBT betrothed, Alfred Angelo
(alfredangelo.com) has one of the widest ranges of wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses,
including plus sizes. Also consider New York-based Simple Silhouettes (simpledress.com), a
company that has worked with lesbian couples to design lovely custom-made bridal wear. "And
we'd love to do more!" says founder and designer Christina Dalle Pezze.
If you're more interested in a suit than a dress, don't fear that women are forbidden at tuxedo
shops. Among the numerous tuxedo designers we called, Lord West
Formalwear
(tuxedos.com/lordwest.html), shown here, on our lovely models has worked with lesbian couples
and was the most eager to show its committment to the LGBT community.
Some tuxedo rental companies are better than others when it comes to accommodating
lesbians. After Hours in California (afterhours.com) has affordably fitted the lesbians and transfolk in several wedding parties without batting an eyelash, but first ask your local tuxedo shop
if it works with same-sex couple. In Memphis, for example, American Tuxedo (901-761-2848)
advertises in the local LG BT magazine Family and Friends with photos of women and men
outfitted in tuxes. (Lord West can be found nationwide. Supply your own girl.)
42 MAY 2006
Like NowhereLise
ladies love the
lord West Formal
Wear tuxedos and so do we - in
various styles (left
top and bottom).
Atop an ocean
bluff is a great
setting for these
Alfred Angeloadorned brides
(this page).
Curve
43
Portraits
ofMarria
e
As the lights dim over packed pews
in San Francisco's majestic Grace Cathedral, the hum of conversation
fades to a whisper. Conductor Kathleen McGuire steps onto a platform
facing the stage. The stage lights come up, revealing the world-famous
San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus, dressed in tuxedoes. It's their 27th
annual Pride concert, and McGuire - the first woman to lead the 200member chorus - conducts them through a series of songs, including
Sweet Honey in the Rock's stirring "Would You Harbor Me'.'
Later that evening, the Gay Men's Chorus steps aside as the
Lesbian/Gay Chorus of San Francisco gathers onstage, dressed in crisp
white shirts and rainbow ties. Conductor Stephanie Smith leads the chorus through a program of popular favorites, including a raucous rendition
of k.d. lang's "Big Boned Gal'.'
Smith and McGuire not only hold two of the most powerful positions
in the LG BT classical music world, they also happen to be married to
each other. When I ask how they keep their marriage flourishing in the
midst of the very public, queer classical music scene, they tell me their
lives couldn't really work any other way. In the past, both swore they'd
never be with another musician but, as McGuire says, "It's hard to find
people who will tolerate the hours'.'
Smith notes, "Past partners loved seeing me onstage, but they weren't
willing to go through what it took to get me onstage. . .. The fact that I
could have a 10 p.m. rehearsal was just not acceptable. I should have
been home cooking dinner'.'
I ask if they ever become competitive or jealous of each other's successes. "No, not at all," McGuire says. "Our focuses are so different. We
play different instruments. I play guitar; Stephanie was a child piano prodigy. I compose; Stephanie doesn't:'
Smith adds, "Kathleen loves a big room, loves cpnducting an orchestra .... I like chamber music. And our choruses are so much different. Her
chorus is classy, and my chorus is a little trashy." She laughs and says, "I
like that. I'm from Texas."
Though McGuire and Smith knew of each other in the 1990s while
they were both at the University of Colorado at Boulder - where McGuire
was a graduate student and Smith an undergraduate - they did not begin
dating until 2003, after both had moved to San Francisco and had
become acquainted professionally. They were married in a public domestic partnership ceremony on the main stage at San Francisco Pride in
2003. McGuire says it was fantastic: "The city even provided the champagne and chocolate'.'
They were later married by friend and California State Assembly member Mark Leno on Feb. 28, 2004, during San Francisco's month of legal
marriage. Despite only two hours' notice before the wedding, 30 to 40
members of the SFG MC attended the ceremony, thanks to a phone tree
organized by one of the men.
Neither McGuire nor Smith thought they would feel different after
being married at City Hall, but they were surprised to find that they truly
felt more married. McGuire says, "Putting the ring on and saying the same
vows you grow up hearing straight people say is incredibly powerful.u
Smith agrees: "These symbols are important."
That symbol, unfortunately, is denied to McGuire and Smith not only
because of legal barriers to same-sex marriage but because they are a
44 MAY 2006
Conductors Smith and McGuire make beautiful music
binational couple; McGuire is Australian.
Under U.S. law, her relationship with Smith gives her no immigration
rights. She was able to obtain a green card under the "extraordinary ability" clause, but that means she must be employed in her present position
to remain in the country. If the couple were to move to Australia, Smith
would have the right to work and live in the country as McGuire's partner.
Though Australia has not legalized gay marriage, the country recognizes
committed live-in relationships between two people of one year or more.
But despite that option, they choose to remain in the United States. "San
Francisco is ground zero for gay activism;' McGuire says. "You can effect
change from San Francisco that touches the rest of the world'.'
In addition to fighting for same-sex marriage and immigration rights,
both McGuire and Smith are dedicated to a more compassionate form of
Christianity. Both come from conservative Christian backgrounds:
McGuire from a strict Australian Methodist family and Smith from the
Southern Baptist tradition. Through their jobs and their marriage, they
work to reclaim Christianity for the gay community; Smith also conducts
the chorus at the Metropolitan Community Church, the world's leading
LGBT church.
McGuire believes that the choruses provide an "emotional home" for
the gay community. "The music;' she explains, "is a means to an end'.'
Genesis Moss and Beth Shaw
Palm Springs Perfection By Kathy Beige
Life can be stressful even for a yoga instructor,
especially one who owns a multimillion-dollar company in the heart of Los Angeles. That's why it's
important to have your own little retreat. For Yoga Fit owner Beth Shaw and her partner, Genesis
Moss (The Real World), Palm Springs is that oasis. So it seems fitting that they decided to get
married on the patio of their Palm Springs retreat.
Moss proposed to Shaw after they had been together for
about six months. "We were in bed;' Shaw recalls. "She went
and got a ring, and she gave it to me and told me she wanted
to spend the rest of her life with me."
They were married in October 2004 in a semiformal Buddhist
ceremony.Their dogs were ring bearers, and in typical dyke fashion, Moss' ex-partner's new partner officiated the ceremony.
Moss continues to be a regular on reality TV; most recently
she was featured on Logo's Real Gay, a show about openly gay
reality TV show cast members. Meanwhile, Shaw runs both her
Genesis and Beth
yoga studio and the nonprofit organization Visionary Women in
Fitness, where she teaches fitness, yoga and wellness skills to
low-income women. "Our relationship is great;' Shaw says. "We're very opposite personality types,
and that can be challenging. It can also be an opportunity at the same time:'
As for their future, Shaw would like to bring aspects of her nonprofit venture to the lesbian community. "There are a lot of improvements that can be made in the lesbian community in terms of
health and wellness:• she says. And Moss would like to volunteer with gay and lesbian youth. Shaw
considers Moss' plans and jokes, "You're going to be the mayor of Palm Springs one
Alice Dodd and Jillian Armenante
Yin and Yang By Kathy Beige
Do straight partners get married multiple times -
to each other? Lesbians certainly do. Actors Alice Dodd and Jillian Armenante (both have appeared
on Judging Amy) have walked down the aisle three times in their 10-year relationship.
After five years together, Dodd and Armenante held a big· 200-guest wedding in New Jersey.
"Alice wore my mom's wedding gown;• Armenante says. And later in Las Vegas, on a whim, they held
a second, quickie wedding.
More recently, in February 2004, they were among the
thousands who lined up for hours in the rain at the San
Francisco City Hall to legally tie the knot. Armenante remembers, "My mother-in-law was visiting and I thought, as soon as
she leaves, we're getting in the car. She was here for four or
five days. We dropped her off at the airport and took off. I
couldn't get there fast enough. We got there at 4:30 in the
morning and got in line. It was 40 degrees and raining. It was
a pretty amazing experience:'
She continues, "After a huge 200-person wedding, and
Alice and Jillian
then to have the one that's legally binding be the one where you
walk up to a post office wearing no bra and a T-shirt [is ironic]:'
Since the weddings in California were annulled, Armenante and Dodd have become registered
domestic partners. These days the two are focused on their 1-year-old daughter, Hazel, who has
been getting used to life with two thespian moms. When she was just 3 months old, the family hit
the road for four months while Armenante shot two movies back-to-back and filmed Judging Amy.
The secret to their success? "We make a good team:' Armenante says. "We're very different.
She's the soprano; I'm the alto. She's the intellectual reader; I'm the visually creative type. We tend
to complement each other instead of working against each other. Yin and yang:'
Carve
45
Going
totheCourthouse
A primer on what's what in the fight for marriage equality. By Malinda Lo
At 5 :45 in the morning on Tuesday,Feb. 17, 2004,
Alaska, Hawaii voters approved in 1998 an amendment to the state
a phone call came from my friends Dawn and Hyde. They had been wait-
constitution that banned gay marriage - just in time to prevent any gay
ing outside San Francisco City Hall in a chilly, early morning drizzle since
or lesbian couples from marrying there.
4 a.m., joining what would grow to thousands of gay and lesbian couples
Thankfully, scarcely a year later Vermont's Supreme Court declared
eager to get married - legally - since the city started issuing marriage
that preventing same-sex couples from marrying violated the state's con-
licenses to same-sex couples. "Will you meet us in line?" Dawn asked.
stitution, and in 2000, Gov. Howard Dean signed the nation's first state
"We need a witness!"
civil union law, granting same-sex partners "all the same benefits, protec-
I had never been an enthusiastic supporter of same-sex marriage, hav-
tions and responsibilities under law ... as are granted to spouses in a
ing doubts about the entire institution of marriage itself, but that morning I
marriage;' Since 2000, it seems that courts all across the country have
found my opinions changing. After standing in line for nearly six hours with
been stepping forward to declare that gays and lesbians have the right to
hundreds of giddy gay and lesbian couples, it became blatantly obvious to
marry. In 2003, the Massachusetts Supreme Court also ruled that not
me that denying same-sex couples the right to legally marry was simple,
allowing same-sex marriage was unconstitutional discrimination, later
straightforward discrimination. Not only does being unable to marry exclude
clarifying that civil unions were not sufficient either, and in May 2004, the
gays and lesbians from those famous 1,138 federal legal benefits of mar-
first same-sex couples in Massachusetts were married.
riage, including the right to visit your spouse while she's dying in a hospital,
it smacks of shame and a lasting legacy of homophobia.
Though the media have only recently latched onto same-sex marriage
The triumph in Massachusetts has been offset by a disturbing tide of
conservatism; in 2004, voters in 11 states approved state constitutional
amendments that ban same-sex marriage. And just over a month after San
as a hot-button topic, the first lawsuit to challenge the exclusion of gay and
Francisco's queer marital bliss began, the California Supreme Court
lesbian couples from civil marriage was filed in 1971 , in Minnesota. Little
ordered the city to stop issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian cou-
real progress was made until 1993, when Hawaii's Supreme Court ruled
ples and annulled the 4,000 marriages that had been performed.
that denying same-sex couples the right to marry was akin to sexual dis-
But these setbacks haven't stopped a battery of gay marriage advo-
crimination. Unfortunately, in a turn of events that would later be echoed in
cates from moving forward on a variety of fronts, both legislative and
0
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0
a:
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<
:I:
V,
46 MAY 2006
Resources
Marriage Equality USA
judicial, since 2004. Connecticut became the
second state to offer civil unions to same-sex
partners, in April 2005. And the California
State Legislature became the first state legislature to pass a bill legalizing same-sex marriage,
which Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger quickly
moved to veto, stating that he preferred to let
the California Supreme Court decide the issue
- an ironic move when most opponents of
(marriageequality.org) offers a wideranging guide to the state of same-sex
marriage in the United States and
around the world.
The National Center for Lesbian
Rights (nclrights.org) provides legal
resources and assistance, including
information on what to do if you and
your partner want to get married in
Canada.
The Human Rights Campaign
determine the fate of gay marriage.
Meanwhile, same-sex marriage has been
(hrc.org) offers state-by-state
information on the legal status of
same-sex marriage, civil unions and
domestic partnerships.
legalized in a number of foreign countries, including the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain and
A Legal Guide for Lesbian & Gay
Couples, 13th ed. (nolo.com) pro-
same-sex marriage decry so-called "judicial
activism" and argue that lawmakers should
Canada. While many American citizens find the
idea of fleeing north to get hitched quite appeal·
ing, National Center for Lesbian Rights staff
attorney Courtney Joslin cautions that "there are
issues that couples are going to experience
because it's likely that their home state in the
United States will not recognize the marriage;'
Many issues also arise for binational couples,
who unfortunately have few, if any, options at this
time to legalize their relationship in the United
States. "We strongly advise any binational couples to speak to an immigration attorney prior to
[entering a domestic partnership, civil union or
same-sex marriage] because . . . it can present
immigration problems for the non-U.S. citizen:'
Joslin says. "It can be read as an indication that
the person intends to remain in the country, and
it could present problems for them. Currently the
federal government does not recognize mar·
riages between same-sex couples, so entering
vides up-to-date, practical advice on
how to work with the law to protect
your relationship, from property laws
to medical decisions and everything
in between.
The Muses Legal Guide to Living
Together (musesproducts.com) pro-
vides more than 150 legal documents
for unmarried domestic partners on
CD-ROM, with subjects ranging
from co-parenting to estate planning.
Francisco marriages is still under appeal. You
might not be able to head to the chapel - or
the courthouse - just yet, but that doesn't
mean you won't be able to in the future.
NORTHAMPTON
Saturday
May 6, 2006
Northampton,
MA
States that allow same-sex civil
unions: Connecticut, Vermont
States with some same-sex domestic
partner benefits: Hawaii, Illinois,
York; in Washington state, the Supreme Court
might issue a decision as early as this month;
and in California, the status of the San
2006
Massachusetts
immigration status;'
There are no clear-cut solutions for pro·
tecting the legal status of your same-sex rela-
your union. Plus, it seems that the tide may be
turning in our favor. In 2006, significant court
cases are brewing in New Jersey and New
Pride
------
State that allows same-sex marriage:
States that allow same-sex domestic
partnerships: California, Maine, New
particular state's laws regarding domestic
partnerships or civil unions, you can legalizing
YEARS OF
The Laws
Where You Live
into any of those statuses does not allow the
U.S. citizen to sponsor their same-sexpartner for
tionship at this time, but by researching your
CELEBRATE
25 YEARS
OF DIVERSITY
Jersey, District of Columbia
Iowa, New Mexico, New York,
Oregon, Rhode Island, Washington,
District of Columbia
States with constitutional amendments against same-sex marriage:
Arkansas, Georgia, Kansas,
Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan,
Mississippi, Missouri, Montana,
Nevada, North Dakota, Ohio,
Oklahoma, Oregon, Texas, Utah
State voting on a same-sex marriage
amendment this year: Idaho
curve
47
It's a sad but inevitable progression
of events for far too many of us. First comes love, then comes marriage
(or civil union, domestic partnership or what have you). And then, a few
years after the bit about the baby carriage, $Orne lesbian moms will
undoubtedly find themselves in family court, each woman arguing for
custody of her offspring.
For some, it's an experience tempered by love of the children, where
each party puts aside her acrimony long enough to come to an agreement that meets everyone's needs.
For others, it's just a knock-down, drag-out fight. Just like their straight
counterparts, some women fight fair, and some don't. In a few notable
cases, some lesbians have even invoked anti-gay legislation and homophobic legal precedent against their former partners, a tactic that can
hurt all of us.
Last year, for example, saw the end of a custody battle between two
San Diego lesbians that put the legal rights of thousands of children in
jeopardy when one attempted to negate the parental rights of the other
by claiming that California law does not permit second-parent adoptions.
Though an appellate panel of the California Court of Appeals initially
agreed, that decision was finally reversed when Sharon S. v. Superior
Court of San Diego reached the California Supreme Court.
48 MAY 2006
Organizations like Lambda Legal, the National Center for Lesbian
Rights, the American Civil Liberties Union and others are doing their best
to hold the line. But, as drama after real-life drama has played out in the
courts nationwide in recent years, we're reminded just how tenuous a hold
we have on the rights that protect our families. Sure, we've had a few victories in some states, but we've also had our share of negative outcomes.
Truth be told, lesbians fighting one another is only part of the problem. The steady stream of new anti-gay legislation has also significantly
eroded our abilities to safeguard our rights as parents - and this has an
impact on custody matters as well.
The Legislature in Oklahoma, for example, passed a law in 2004 that
would nullify all adoptions by same-sex couples - even for couples visiting, but not living in, the state. (Lambda Legal has filed a federal lawsuit
in response.) And a court in Indiana recently came to the astounding
conclusion that families headed by lesbians and gay men don't need
legal protections at all. It took a highly circular argument to get there, but
that court asserted that we don't need governmental support because
we tend to plan for our children much more than heterosexuals do. (But,
if we had more support, wouldn't we have less need for legal planning?)
Though it's tempting when discussing family law to focus only on the
cases that challenge a parent's right to custody, Hayley Gorenberg,
deputy legal director at Lambda Legal, warns against taking such a sim-
WHY IT MATTERS: This decision clarified that same-sex parents
plistic approach. "Cases about benefits, relationship protection, domes-
are judged by the same standards used in cases involving heterosexual
tic partnership and marriage all interrelate and can influence children's
nonbiological parents.
security in their families;' she says.
The case that has had perhaps the biggest impact on custody cases
nationwide involving same-sex couples actually had nothing overtly to do
with parental rights.
THE CASE:
Miller-Jenkins
v. Miller-Jenkins
STATUS: Awaiting
decision.
AN OVERVIEW: Janet Miller-Jenkins and her former partner, Lisa
At its most basic level, Lawrence v. Texas, the landmark decision
Miller-Jenkins, were joined in a Vermont civil union and had a child
issued by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2003, overturned bans on sodomy.
together, who is now a toddler. After the couple separated, Lisa
But Lawrence did more than simply vindicate John Lawrence and Tyron
moved to Virginia with their daughter and asked a Vermont court to
Garner, the two men at the center of the case who were arrested for
dissolve the civil union and assign custody. When that court ordered
engaging in private, consensual sex in Lawrence's Houston home; it also
visitation for Janet, Lisa filed a new lawsuit in Virginia, and used that
opened the door for more lesbians and gay men to stand up for their
state's anti-gay marriage law to have herself declared the child's sole
rights in other situations.
legal parent.
"The Lawrence case means that the rights of lesbian and gay adults
WHY IT MATTERS: The two states involved have issued conflict-
to form intimate, private relationships can't be restricted by the govern-
ing court orders and this conflict must be resolved. (The ruling from
ment based upon moral judgments, including views on homosexuality;'
Vermont orders regular visitation for Janet, and the ruling from Virginia
Gorenberg explains. "Because Lawrence threw out laws across the
names Lisa the sole parent.)
nation that criminalized sodomy, lesbian and gay parents can't be labeled
criminals for their private, consensual relationships:'
THE CASE:
K.M. v. E.G.
decisions involving same-sex parents nationwide. That case, decided in
STATUS: Victory!
AN OVERVIEW: E.G. was implanted with an egg from her partner,
K.M., and gave birth to twins. The couple co-parented until they separat-
2000, held that parents should be able to make decisions on how to
ed in 2002. Afterward, E.G., the gestational mother, refused to allow
Another "biggie;' Troxel v. Granville, didn't even weigh in specifically
on lesbian and gay issues, yet has had a huge impact on child custody
care for their children free of moral judgments by the state, period. This
K.M.,the genetic mother, to see the children. When K.M. filed for custody
protection extends, of course, to moral judgments about sexual orienta-
and visitation, E.G. claimed that K.M. had no right to see or speak to the
tion and gender identity.
children on the grounds that, when they were in the hospital for the ovum
A number of important decisions have been issued recently, and several
donation, K.M. signed a standard hospital form that, unbeknownst to her,
cases remain pending. Have a look at what's at stake, with an overview of
"waived" her parental rights. Initially, the Marin County Superior Court
some of the big cases from this year's docket and the prior one.
commission held that K.M. was not a parent because she signed the
THE CASE:
California Supreme Court reversed the decision and held that both
B.F. v. T.D.
hospital form. The Court of Appeals agreed. Late last summer, the
STATUS: Awaiting
appeal.
AN OVERVIEW: A Kentucky couple together for nearly 10 years
women are legal parents to their twin girls.
decided to adopt a child after they were unable to get pregnant.
children born to same-sex parents through assisted reproduction must
Because the laws surrounding second-parent adoptions for same-sex
be determined by the same rules applied to other such children.
WHY IT MATTERS: The court found that the legal parentage of
couples are murky in Kentucky, only one mother, T.D., legally adopted
their child. When the child was 6 years old, the couple separated, and
T.D. left with the child and refused B.F. any contact. B.F. petitioned in
family court for visitation rights. The court held that B.F. did not have
CAN IT HAPPEN
TO YOU?
Bitter child custody battles that play themselves out in court often
standing to seek custody, a ruling that was later affirmed by the Kentucky
emerge under the worst of circumstances. Unfortunately for many chil-
Court of Appeals. B.F. is now seeking a review of her case with the
dren and their estranged parents, the ordinary tensions of a breakup are
Kentucky Supreme Court.
WHY IT MATTERS: Recognition of intended and psychological par-
a justice system that can be overtly hostile to our kind of families, you've
enting becomes especially important in states where second-parent
got a terrible recipe for disaster. Take steps now to avoid the heartache
adoptions are not available.
of a custody battle:
THE CASE:
Jones
v. Boring
only amplified by our adversarial legal system. When you add to the mix
Formally recognize the value that each of you brings to your children's
lives and vow always to respect that value, now and forever.
STATUS: Victory!
AN OVERVIEW: Patricia Jones and Ellen Boring, together for 14
event that the two of you break up, and state your intentions in writing.
years, are parents to twins. When the couple separated in 2001, a court
If you haven't done so already, take steps now to create lasting legal
Make a commitment that you and your partner will seek mediation in the
awarded joint custody to the mothers and gave primary physical custody
bonds between both parents and their children. This may require that
to Boring, who is the biological parent. Later, a dispute arose between
the nonbirth mother legally adopt her partner's children, or otherwise
the two women and Jones sought and gained primary physical custody.
establish parental rights.
Boring appealed, claiming that the children could not be remo~ed from
Remember that any legal action you may take against a former part-
her custody without a court finding that she is unfit - a much more strin-
ner could have impact that extends well beyond your relationship.
gent standard than is applied to heterosexual parents. The Superior
Vow never to be the one who selfishly or unwittingly sets back civil
Court of Pennsylvania found Boring's argument to be invalid, and Jones
rights for thousands of other same-sex couples by attempting an
retained primary physical custody of the children.
unfair solution to your problems.
Curve
49
and the Bees
When you're a lesbian morn, having
takes on a V\/hole different meaning.
When it comes to rece1v1ng rude
"the talk"
By Beren
deMotier
Even a best buddy recently asked (with every good intention) whether
questions about our "lifestyle;' lesbianism is small potatoes compared to
we had yet had the talk with our teenage son. My spouse looked at her
home schooling our eighth grader. People want to know how we're
blankly. "The talk? Which talk? We talk about all kinds of things;'
doing it, why we're doing it, and what in the world do we think we'~e
"You know;' her friend went on. "The talk;'
doing? Generally they are assuaged - if I'm not in the mood to tell them
My.wife set her straight. First of all, she told her, another kid - one of
to sod off - by our explanation of online school, a tutor, and literature and
her moms is a nurse midwife, the other a professor of nursing - jumped
language arts at home.
in with the mechanics before we ever got a chance and whipped out a
Then they ask, "But what about health? You know, the talk?" with a shudder indicating how little they would want to tackle the subject themselves.
photo album chronicling her younger brother's birth, which our oldest
brought to us with the comment, "I think you have some explaining to do;'
It's strange how often the talk has come up. Since we first had our
Pubiic school handled the next phase and, thanks to our third child,
oldest son 14 years ago, we've faced rude interrogations about how we
well, what haven't we talked about, ever since we had "The Poky Little
would handle the manly arts or talk about those sensitive subjects only
Penis" wandering around naked half the time?
a father could manage, as if we were ignorant lesbos without a smattering of biological know-how.
Little Penis went up the hill, and then tumble bumble, down he went;'
50 MAY 2006
It's like some twisted children's book around our house: "The Poky
Baby brothers are so useful to have around when you want to talk about
potentially delicate masculine subjects. How embarrassing can erections
be when there's a toddler running by with his hand in his diaper saying,
"Feel penis;' and who describes his own erections as "poky:'
Allegedly, some toddler boys aren't as fascinated with their privates as
ours, though I can't imagine why. To him, it's just a toy that comes along
which will inevitably come - specifically, how we feel about it. Insisting
to our kids that they legally marry first is probably out, since hypocrisy is
a bad value for a role model, though we could push for a "committed,
caring, long-term relationship:'
And when they ask what we ourselves did before we were "wed"? I
might have lied and said that I saved myself for their mother (which our
wherever he goes, so it makes sense he'd want to play with it (and I've
kids might have liked to believe, especially since their other mother did
been assured by many dads that that doesn't much change with age).
It is a little hard to ignore, though. Recently our 10-year-old daughter
for me), but the truth recently came out, and I sank a good 10 points in
the mom-o-meter with our daughter, who stared at me open-mouthed at
asked, "Alright, so what causes an erection anyway?" That led to a dis-
the admission that I had sex with boys in my teens and would spare her
cussion of thoughts, excitement, adrenaline and blood flow - things I'd
the details.
prefer she find out about now instead of later, and preferably not in the
back seat of a Honda.
tion, birth control, pregnancy, infertility, adoption, drugs, drinking, rape,
In more general discussions, we've spared few details about abor-
"Our 1 0-year-old daughter can do a good blow-by-blow
of how artificial
insemination
is accomplished,
and her imitation of the fallopian tubes
reaching out for the released ovum has to be seen to be believed:'
Actually, our daughter is pretty biologically savvy. She can do a good
blow-by-blow of how artificial insemination is accomplished, and her imi-
nutrition, divorce or why working at McDonald's is a less beneficial job
for a high school kid than being a swim instructor.
tation of the fallopian tubes reaching out for the released ovum has to be
seen to be believed.
It's amazing what you can talk about while pushing a stroller with a teen.
I'm sure we've missed some bases, and the school would have
missed others, but we're trying. One of the nice things about having a lit-
Our older son is no slouch in the biology department himself; he's
been so into the animal kingdom from the time he could speak that even
tle guy around is that now our oldest son is the man in the family, the "big
without the public school sex education (or the photo essay on childbirth), he'd have known a lot, though not all of it would have been appli-
guy" who can teach his little brother when to keep his hand out of his diaper and when he can get away with it. In 10 years, maybe he'll be hav-
cable to human relations or legal in the Southern states.
What I'm not looking forward to is the discussion of premarital sex
••
ing the talk with that little brother, too. Because whether it is out and
proud or discreetly covered, the poky little penis is here to stay.
Call toll-free 1-877-794-8037 to receive the "It's Only Natural" pocket guide or check
MySwitzerland.com for more information and packages.
curve
s1
By Sarah Warn
In this classic, pre-L Word interview with Katherine Moennig, the hottie behind
Shane talks about her expectations for the little lesbian show we've come to love.
Katherine Moennig plays Shane on The L Word,
thelesbianwhohooksupwithadifferentwoman
each night because she "doesn't do relationships:' Moennig, who grew up in Philadelphia and moved to New York when she was 18, has previ-
ously been best known for playing a girl pretending to be a boy in the WB's series Young Americans, a fitting precursor to the gender-bending
Shane. Months before the first episode of The L Word aired, Moennig shared with us her perspective on her role, and the series overall.
How would you describe the story and tone of The L Word?
Part of the beauty with the show is that there is so much going on. Every
character is so different than the other that it gives a whole spectrum
of personality, and as the story progresses it will only add to that.
Also, what I love is that it doesn't put these women in boxes. The story
line is a very honest and realistic view on life and how [these characters] deal with it.
How would you describe Shane, the character you play?
I'm still trying to describe Shane for myself but on the outside Shane is
someone who is a very sexual being and extremely comfortable with
that. People's opinions about her don't faze her and she lives the way
she wants to and basically can get whoever she wants. And at the
same time [Shane] also is very alone in the search for what she
wants.
How are you similar or dissimilar to Shane?
52 MAY 2006
I certainly think there are similarities between myself and Shane. There
has to be. In every role you play you have to start with you, since
you're the root. I can relate to a lot of what she is going through in the
inside. And in the ways that I differ from her, I find that I learn more
about myself.
How do you think The L Word is different from Queer as Folk?
The only relation our show has to Queer as Folk is that they are both gayoriented stories on Showtime. It's easy to relate the two, but I think
once people see our show the differences will be evident. One is
about men and the other is about women. That sets the tone already.
As you probably know, The L Word is the first television series
about lesbians; do you think this development reflects a last•
ing and positive change in Hollywood, or just an attempt to
capitalize on the latest trend?
I would hope it would be a positive change in Hollywood, and I think it will.
Slowly but surely women are having a stronger and
more substantial voice in film and TV, and I think the
show will only help propel that. The credit goes to
Ilene Chaiken for creating such a wonderful truthful
story with such rich, three-dimensional characters.
And to be honest we're given a chance to help
speak for a community that hasn't had much of a
voice in the past. Why not capitalize on it?
Hollywood and life in general are all about timing. This
is a prime moment to air a show on this subject, so
I think ... why not? Strike while the iron is hot.
Do you think The L Word is likely to be a success
(financially and critically)?
I envision the show to be financially and critically
acclaimed. By continuing to open people's minds
through alternative voices there will hopefully be
more compassion and openness to another way of
thinking, and with that comes financial and critical
acclaim. We do this in the hope that it will be successful in every way.
Are you at all concerned that playing a lesbian
character will negatively impact your career?
I don't look at it as having a positive or negative impact.
I see it as a chance to explore another part of
myself and to learn something that's beyond positive. Everything is a stepping stone and that's how
I see this. And if it is a risk and a little scary, then
that's all the more reason to do it. Right now I'm
focusing on giving this character a voice, and if I do
that, I can't see that as being a negative thing. And
just because I'm playing this role doesn't mean I
can't do something else. That's the beauty of being
an
Excerpted with permission from Reading The L Word:
Outing Contemporary Television, ed. Kim Akass and
Janet McCabe,© 2006 (1.8.Tauris).
Putting Lesbians at the Center
In this excerpt from her introduction to Reading The L Word, contributing
TO THOSE
WHO ARE STRAIGHT
OR
announcing
the series was buried in a larger
white (or both), and used to seeing reflections
press release from Showtime. I read it several
Although
my readership
at the time was very
small, women frorn all over the world found my
of themselves every time they turn around - on
times in disbelief. Someone was actually creating
article, read it. and forwarded
the covers of magazines in line at the grocery
a show about lesbians? Fortunately. I had a cre-
friends, who forwarded
store or at the doctor's office, on the big screen
ative outlet available: six months earlier, I had
so on. I started to get more and rnore e-mails
at the
started an entertainment Web site for lesbians
from women
neighborhood
movie theater,
or the
as a weekend hobby ...
gestions,
and
offering
even
the link to their
it to their friends, and
opinions,
complaints
casting
sug-
about
the
smaller screen at home on TV - it's difficult to
called AfterEllen.com
adequately describe what it feels like not to see
with a writer of one (m()). So the next day, after I
series - and it wc1s still a year beforn the first
episode debuted ....
reflections of yourself anywhere. It's even more
came home from work, I wrote a short article
difficult to convey what it feels like when you do
about
- the rush and jumble of emotion that is often
Earthlings
all out of proportion to the actual event itself.
That's how I felt the first time I learned about
The L Word. which was then titled Earthlings. It
was September
54 MAY 2006
of 2002.
and a paragraph
the
impending
series,
be the Lesbian
called
Queer
""Will
as Folk?"
(September 2002). and posted it on the site.
The response
was immediate,
with other
But love it or hate it, this series represents
the first - and so far, only - attempt
to make
lesbians.
bisexual
wornen,
,rnd to a lesser
extent,
of attention.
the center
Instead
of
lesbians expressing a similar mix of excitement
being forced to settle for one or two lesbian
and skepticism upon learning about the series.
cl1araLl1!rs alllong
;i
sea of heterosexuals,
How Do You Spell the L-Word?
A new collection of scholarly and popular articles tackles the TV show
that put the L-word on pop culture's map. By Malinda Lo
ALTHOUGH TELEVISION
HAS LONG BEEN SUBJECT
to academic scrutiny, in the last decade or so several scholarly disciplines have converged - film studies, cultural studies and queer theory
among them - to bring focused, critical attention to narrative television.
Kim Akass and Janet McCabe's new volume, Reading The L Word:
Outing Contemporary Television (I.B. Tauris), uses this multidisciplinary
approach to analyze Showtime's lesbian
drama. Akass and McCabe have grouped
together essays that appeal not only to theory mavens but to fans of The L Word. In
addition to the foreword by American queer
theorist Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, and academic analyses of heteronormativity and the
gaze, Reading contains a laugh-out-loud
analysis of Alice Pieszecki's Chart and interviews with L Word writer Guinevere Turner
and actress Erin Daniels.
This diverse group of articles comes
together on the shared experience of watching what has been, for lesbians and for queer studies scholars, one of the
most incredible television programs in recent history. In the book's preface,
Akass and McCabe pose the book's central question: "Visibility is one
thing. But at what price does that visibility come? And what form should it
take?" The writers approach the challenge of answering it by interrogating
the ways that The L Word represents - or doesn't represent - lesbians
and bisexual women, from a straightforward numbers game (How many
butches have you seen on The L Word lately?) to questioning whether
"representation" is a useful concept at all in critiquing the show.
Sarah Warn, the editor of AfterEllen.com (and one of CURVE'scontributing editors), argues in the introduction to Reading that "while we
might criticise (often justifiably) certain aspects of the series, for the most
part, that doesn't prevent us from enjoying it:' Her attitude likely reflects
many viewers' opinions of the show, and it is certainly reflected in the
essays featured in this book. Don't be put off by the academic criticism
that could sound like a highbrow dismissal of the show's merits beneath all the jargon lies genuine enthusiasm for The L Word and an
eagerness to unpack its significance to television, popular culture and
the lesbian community. For fans, this is an indispensable guide to what
scholars have been thinking about their favorite show, and it provides
some eye-opening ways to reconsider the issues of gender, sexuality and
identity raised by The L Word.
editor Sarah Warn reflects on what makes ·rhe L Word so significant.
lesbians finally get to see their lives and rela-
and offers an alternative view of lesbian life that
exist in a larger. beautiful
on The L Word.
doesn't cast us forever in the role of the outsider.
finally to know that we all exist as one larger.
tionships
front-and-center
context.
and then
and rela-
The idea that lesbians could be the norm, that
extended
for a change. We
the world could revolve around us for a change.
those connections
on television
and that there could be a lot of us, that 1s what
Word strives to accomplish."
whose lives resemble ours - a more beautiful
makes the show truly revolutionary, despite its
we may look back and conclude that this c1bili-
and
flaws. Many of the best scenes on The L Word
ty to elucidate connections.
occur when the characters are simply hanging
a sense of community among lesbians ;-iround
out together.
the world. is The L Words true legacy.
with
the heterosexual
tionships
finally have a group
successful
lives.
of people
version
to be sure.
interests.
but
and friendships
many lesbian viewers
whelmingly
characters
on the periphery
of most
with
lesbians'
conversations.
that resonate with
in a way that the over-
heterosexual
miss-it lesbian storylines
or blink-and-you'llon TV cannot.
Simply by introducing the concept of a group
Because despite all the high-
profile romances on the series, it is friendship
and a sense
of community
that forms
the
group is very fulfilling. To elucidate
... 1s one of the things The L
Years from now.
to ignite and create
Reading The L Word is our contribution
to
that effort.
bedrock of the show. ...
In accepting
an award for her role on The L
of lesbians, The L Word more realistically por-
Word in late 2004,
trays lesbian life than any other series to date.
know that you exist, and then to know that you
Jennifer Beals said. "To
Excerpted with pcr1rnss1on from Rcacflnn The L
Word: Outlnq Contcmpnrn,y
folcv1sion. <:cl. Kim
Akass and Janet McCabe. c 2006 (1.B. T;:wns).
CUrve
55
Some
dykes
marry
men,
and
staymarried,
formore
reasons
thanyouthink.
By Lori Selke
First, a confession: I am a bi
celebrated our 10th anniversary together.
dyke married to a man. I came out as a bisexual
Dykes marry men, and stay married to them, for
dyke in college. I quickly acquired a girlfriend, then
many reasons. Every relationship is, in the end,
an ex-girlfriend, and a circle of activist friends. I took
unique. But many dykes wedded to men feel social
courses in queer theory and feminist theory, and I pressure to keep their relationships quiet, to not talk
learned at the feet of elder separatists and other
about a certain side of their lives. It's an ironic twist
radical lesbians.
on the closet.
Four years later, I married my longtime boyfriend
in a small legal ceremony in Chicago. We recently
Here's a peek inside the door of four married
dykes' lives.
arried With Childre • She ie
"He's who I go to for advice. He's who I talk to about my girlfriends.
On the surface, Sherrie's story most closely resembles the stereotypical
He's totally like my lesbian ex;• she laughs. "We'd probably get divorced
story of a married dyke.
"I went from my parents' house to my husband's house;• she says.
Sherrie knew - in theory - that she liked women as well as men, and
attempts at filing the paperwork, but nothing has come of it yet.
now if it was less of a hassle:•Together,they've made several half-hearted
she informed her then-boyfriend of that fact, but she had never dated a
"I think there's a part of me that's happy with the way things are;' she
says. "Anybody whose ideas about sexuality and gender and orientation
woman before. She was seven months pregnant when the wedding
- if they're strict enough that this is a huge issue for them, we're not
took place.
Now she has two small children and lives in the New Jersey suburbs.
going to get along:'
She has lost sexual interest in her husband, or indeed in men in general.
"He's a good guy;' she says. "It's not his fault. We're still friends:•
Diana has no time for anyone who would question her dyke credentials. "I've only ever dated one guy in my life, and I've dated a million girls.
I'm not willing to prove anything to anyone at this point:'
In the meantime, Sherrie has started dating women. "I would love to
meet a woman, settle down - because now that I've actually been out
: Bets
there, I know what I'm missing:' But she finds her local community to be
a bit small - and sometimes, small-minded.
Certainly, not every marriage between a dyke and a dude can be
expected to last. But neither do such marriages always break up for the
"Sometimes when they find out you're married, the inquisition
expected reasons. Betsy was married for nine years before it ended.
begins. How long have you been married? Does your husband know?
"There were two big problems;' she explains. The first, which boiled
down to communication problems, could have been solved: "We could
Are you still sleeping with him? Have you ever brought lovers to your
home when your husband was there? How does he feel about it? You're
have been in therapy from now until the end of time:' But the second
not looking for a threesome?"
proved insurmountable: "I wanted kids, and he didn't:•
Sherrie admits, "I know there are some bad apples out there;' referring to stereotypes about predatory bisexual women. "But I've dated les-
Their difference in goals is particularly interesting since Betsy's husband, Nathan, had notions of marriage that were more traditional than
bians who were just using me for a one-night stand:' Right now, she's
hers. "He grew up in a much more traditional household," she says. As
still looking for a steady girlfriend.
She is frank about the factors that keep her in her marriage. "I have
a result, "he was quite attached to marriage and getting legally married:'
two young children. I don't have a college education. I have no mar-
Betsy, on the other hand, had reservations. "I had the intensive lesbian
conditioning of 'let's re-examinethe societal roles, let's talk about how this
ketable job skills. And I think that's the thing that really holds me back:'
works; and there's still the backlash hanging around in my brain:'
I've Only Dated One Guy in My
Entire Life: Diana
Diana and Ian started dating when they were both 18; they were married when they were 23. She is blunt about why they finally made the
decision to wed: "Ian needed dental insurance, and I had a job that had
dental insurance. It was a _verypragmatic decision. He became my husband and got to get his teeth fixed:'
Their relationship was never monogamous, and neither of them
But she agreed to get married, she says, because "societal conditioning bit me on the ass:' She expressed her discomfort with traditional
marriage roles by joking whenever anyone called her a "wife:• "I think he
took some of it as being rejected, rather than [understanding that] this is
a societal institution that makes me itch:'
Betsy also felt like she was in danger of disappearing as a bisexual
dyke. "That was tricky for me, to hang onto my self-identification:• She
laughs and points out that "picking up a long-term girlfriend helped a lot
with that:'
Betsy and her husband were both polyamorous from the beginning.
"My
whole
life
has
been
about
feeling
I was
denied
acce
tothings
because
I Was
queer,
orMexican,
orpoor,
and
infiltrating
institutions
that
weren't
meant
forme:'
considered their marriage to be a traditional sort of arrangement.
"I was so anti-marriage, and so was Ian. That's what allowed us to
get married;' she explains. "We both knew what we were getting into,
and we were both clear on the subject:'
But not everyone understood it that way. "My family didn't understand how we understood our marriage," she says. They assumed that
Diana had changed her last name to her husband's name, and sometimes sent her checks that she couldn't cash.
Eventually, she and her husband stopped seeing each other as a
romantic couple and became friends. They no longer live together, but
they have remained close.
58 MAY 2006
"There are some people, I'm sure, who thought that's what caused the
breakup, but it didn't. It wasn't really an issue for us:'
Despite everything, Betsy would consider getting married to a man
again. "I think I have a little better idea of what discussions need to be
had up front;• she says.
Spy in the H
o L v :Meiza
Meliza and Joseph had been dating for just six months when they
decided to get married. As it is for many others, the immediate impetus was economic. "It was very spur-of-the-moment;' she says. "He proposed to me at a cafe in the Castro at about four in the morning, and I
Pridefest
& Parade
June8 -10, 2006
May11- 30Daysto30Years
Community
Events
begin
- getyourPride
Collector
Cards
June8 - Candlelight
VigilandArtin
thought, no, y~u're not serious. It was a Friday
night, and he said, 'Why don't we get married
acknowledges, "My parents didn't get married
until I was 9, so I have a very interesting rela-
on Monday?"'
However, there was a problem. Joseph,
who is a female-to-male transsexual, didn't
tionship with legal marriage:'
However, any doubts about the institution
have the proper documentation to obtain a
marriage license, even though he had transitioned five years before.
So instead, they took a weekend off and
flew to Las Vegas, which requires only a driver's license for a marriage certificate and has
no waiting period.
Meliza is very aware of the privileges that
married life grants her: "People assume we're
straight; people assume Joseph is a biological
male:' She noticed the difference most profoundly when Joseph was assaulted one night
and landed in the hospital. "I got scooted right
in there. Even his own mother didn't have [that
privilege]:• It was in stark contrast to the time
when Meliza and her girlfriend were in a car
accident, and she had to fight for the right to
see her.
"I always wanted to get married;' Meliza
confesses. "And I always assumed I was going
to get married - to a woman:'
She acknowledges that a big factor in the
decision was convenience - the convenience
of living together, buying a car, and so on.
"You feel normal, accepted, like you're establishing something: a future:' But, she notes, "I
definitely don't take it for granted. I have a big
fear that they're going to find out that Joseph
hasn't had a certain type of surgery, and then
they're going to take our marriage away:' She
of marriage as a whole are doused by her
practical attitude. Meliza sees herself as a spy
in the house of love, and she's proud to work
for change from the inside of the marriage
bond. "My whole life has been about feeling I
was denied access to things because I was
queer, or Mexican, or poor, and infiltrating institutions that weren't meant for me:'
She continues, "Of course, since I married my husband, I've had one long-term girlfriend and several friendly flings. I've also
established a career writing for queer magazines and newspapers. Sometimes I joke that
I'm a 'professional lesbian'; sometimes I joke
about losing my dyke card. I've always been
honest about my relationship, and I've only
rarely encountered
outright
prejudice.
Mostly, I spend a lot of time cheerfully
explaining myself."
Being a married dyke can be like joining a
theParkDedication
- Morningside
Park
June9 - Pridefest
2006opens
(Pet
Parade,
PrideIdol,ArtShow
&Archives
openings,
entertatnment,
lighted
walking
parade
- ExpoNewMexico)
June10- PrideDay- Parade
-
10:30am
onhistoric
Route
66and
Pridefest
atExpoNewMexico
- 11:OOam
-10:00pm
Thanks
to allour2006
Sponsors
including
Curve
Magazine!
Register,
become
a Friend
ofPride
or
come
outtocelebrate
withNewMexico
check
thewebsitefordetails!
secret society. I've had more lesbians out
themselves to me as having had flings with
men than I can count. And I've discovered
women who are scions of the dyke community, who turn out to have a past - and present
- as married ladies. I'm fascinated by the variety of stories, and how we each rewrite the
marriage narrative to suit our own purposes.
And more importantly, how it works to slowly
transform the institution of marriage from the
inside out.
www.abqpride.com
505-873-8084
Curve
59
Author Brenda Brooks hits the lit scene with a
story of lesbian love lost. BY ALLISON STEINBERG
Brooks' novel contains openly lesbian characters, but she intentionally left out steamy sex scenes in an attempt to place the "focus
on desire and yearning, rather than a more direct physicality:' Don't
be misled, though. The subtext reveals desire in the protagonist that
is more tangible and relatable than the sex scenes in most novels.
The reader struggles alongside the protagonist to shed the ghost
In her first novel,
Gotta Find Me an
Angel, Brenda Brooks brings to life the apparition that
inhabits all of our closets. The ghost ih Brooks' personal
closet, though, is not the same as the young lost love,
Madeline, who haunts the novel's protagonist.
Growing up in the prairies of Rivers, Manitoba, and
later settling in Victoria, British Columbia, the 52-year-old
Brooks has lived in nearly all of the Canadian provinces.
Though reading and writing have always been outlets for
her, she was asked to leave school at 15 due to truancy.
Copying poems onto index cards in the library provided
refuge during those emotionally charged adolescent years.
"I wrote them out in a hard-covered, ruled notebook,"
she recalls, "and included an index of titles and first lines."
Brooks saw poetry as a vehicle through which she could
express her unique situation - mainly that she was always
a new girl and the only lesbian. "No one really knowing me
well [is what] led to my being an outsider," the author says.
"Of course, this is an ideal position for a writer."
Brooks' debut novel tells the story of a nameless,
socially awkward, 31-year-old lesbian who cannot let go of
her lost love from adolescence. Brooks uses the character
of Madeline, whose teenage affair ended in suicide, to provide insight into "both the fragility and courage that I've
come to see is inherent to being human and alive:•
The protagonist's interactions with her boisterous sidekick, Billy, and the woman they are both in love with, Julia,
parallel Brooks' coming of age. It wasn't until Brooks
attended York University in Toronto in the late 1970s that
she met her first love and came out.
"We opened up each other's worlds in different and
wonderful ways. She made a brave attempt at snowshoeing and learned to love Gordon Lightfoot and Joni
Mitchell," Brooks says about her American girlfriend.
Drowning in the heartache of her first breakup - when
her lover's visa expired she was forced to return to the
United States - Brooks found comfort in Toronto's queer
culture and started writing for RITES, an LGBT activist
publication that paved the road for her later works.
Brooks started writing her own poetry and soon published two collections: Somebody Should Kiss You
(1990) and Blue Light in the Dash (1994). Her poetry
of Madeline for her real live crush, Julia.
But despair remains, as long-dead Madeline somehow becomes
a more substantive lover than Julia, who is living. When we unpack
Madeline's character, we realize she is a metaphor for our own, individual reservations about life and love. We feel the protagonist's
pain as she stumbles in the wake
of her crush, unable to reveal her
feelings.
"But despair and sorrow themselves are so dreadfully fair and
inclusive," says Brooks. "They
belong to all of us, and are what
give us soul and tenderness ... if
we survive them:'
Brooks' characters are realistic and whole, each cleverly
crafted with a three-dimensional
set of humanistic conventions
and emotions. "I think there is a
little bit of me and everyone I've
known in each of the main characters;' Brooks says. She uses
those pieces of herself and others to convey the complicated
nature of interpersonal
relations wrapped
in the simplicity of
everyday life. She intermixes poetic license with traditional narrative structure to create insight into human nature and, perhaps, to
create an outlet for the pain she's experienced in her life.
But she doesn't write solely for psychological cleansing purposes, she admits. She always has the reader in mind: "As a writer
you want your reader, whomever they may be, to stay with you, give
themselves over to the pulse and rhythm of your story and characters - as you have given yourself over to wonderful writers before
you:'
Brooks admits that she has given herself over to her own inspiration, Aretha Franklin, whom her sister introduced her to. Though
Brooks didn't relate to her sister's other habits, namely makeup and
dancing, her introduction to Franklin's music as a child marked
Brooks' first interaction with poetry.
"Poetry got its hands on me," Brooks says, revealing that her art,
perhaps, controls her just as much as she manipulates the written
word. With Gotta Find Me an Angel, she masters the challenge of
forming a story that is simultaneously heartwarming and haunting.
has evolved into her first novel, Gotta Find Me An Angel,
a beautifully composed work that is both dense in its
prose-like composition and simple in its smooth flow on
the reader's eye.
curve
61
We See Her True Colors
FILMS WITH WOMEN AS COMPLEX
CHARACTERS
HAVE
hit that spring lull. In this post-Academy Awards season, mainstream
studios are gearing up for the summer's mostly boy-targeted blockbusters, and queer festivals are finalizing their June (or later) lineups.
That makes it a great time to search out a few harder-to-find films
about the inherent duality of women's natures.
>> By
Diane
Anderson-Minshall
Asian-American female identity.
Lee began by posting a survey on her Web site, gracelee.net,
that other Grace Lees could fill out. She also offered a section on
her site where other people could talk about the Grace Lees in
Grace Lee Project (Women Make Movies)
Do you know a Grace Lee? That's the question that award-winning filmmaker Grace
Lee asks people across the country as one
way to reconcile how common the name is
among Asian-American women - especially
second-generation Korean Americans in
California and New York - with the baggage that comes from being enculturated to
be a "Grace Lee" (who is, as described by
most interviewees, a quiet, smart, dutiful
bookworm). Lee, who was raised in Missouri
and thought as a child she was the only Grace
Lee in the world, pursues a moving target
with the film, trying to examine the heart of
ON DVD:
Tying the Knot (Docurama):
Through the stories of Mickie,
widow of a Tampa Bay police
officer, and Oklahoma rancher
Sam, director Jim de Seve
reveals the emotional and financial toll that results from being
unable to legally marry. Providing
62 MAY 2006
retorts to almost every anti-gay
marriage argument, this documentary is a must-see for all queer
folks who may someday want to
say, "I do." (docurama.com)
- Lauren Marie Fleming
The Best of the Electric
Company (Shout Factory): With
this four-DVD set, Gen X-ers
Joan Rivers and Gene Wilder.
finally get a chance to relive the
grooviest multicultural kids show
The set comes with a 28-page
ever to air. It became a cultural
booklet and tribute by author
phenomenon in the '70s, and by
Dave Eggers. (shoutfactory.com)
season two, nearly one-third of all Making Grace (First Run): This
elementary schools showed it in
sweet documentary about two
classrooms. Electric was famous
lesbians who want to become
for its star-studded cast including
mothers follows the duo through
Morgan Freeman, Rita Moreno,
the entire process, from finding a
O&A; Deborah
Garcia
K00 os
their lives. From those hundreds and maybe
thousands of replies came a cross-country
trip that has led to an illuminating meditation on feminism, race and cultural identity,
and to one of the most charming documentaries I've ever seen. Oh, and yes, there's a
lesbian Grace Lee, too. (wmm.com)
Attack of the Monster Bride (Billy Films)
Quickly becoming a cult classic among
queers, Attack of the Monster Bride written by Leslie Belt, directed by Vicky
Boone and shot by cinematographer PJ
Ravall, all part of the thriving queer cinema
scene in Austin, Texas - is a cinematic
parody of gender roles and commitment
issues viewed through the lens of a lesbian
wanting to become the perfect American
bride. Both coolly ironic and snort-milkthrough-your-nose funny, Monster Bride is
still on the festival circuit and plays next at
the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.
(bridemons ter.com)
Bedwin Hacker (Canal+ Horizons)
Growing Resentments
By Andy Wright
DEBORAH GARCIA KOONS GREW
up on a "regular '50s and '60s diet" of
cheeseburgers, french fries and frozen
peas. Now fully grown and eating
much healthier, she has made an eyeopening documentary about the dangers of genetically engineered crops,
The Future of Food. Released last fall,
the film spins a story of scientific
intrigue that has at its heart small,
rural farmers playing David to the
Goliath that is the Monsanto
Corporation. For information on
where you can catch a screening, visit
thefutureoffood.com.
Why did you make this film?
it's amazing because most U.S. citizens
I wanted to make a serious film. A very chal-
don't have a clue. Only 30 percent of
Americans think they've ever eaten
[genetically engineered] food [but] virtu-
lenging film. And I wanted to make a film
people would see and that would have a
Two years after we first lauded this groundbreaking lesbian thriller, it's finally coming
to DVD in the United States. French director Nadia El Fani's sexy and spirited romp
follows Kalt, a genius female computer
hacker in southern Tunisia, who is jamming
airwaves of foreign TV stations to broadcast messages in Arabic. The female head of
the French Intelligence Agency is sent to
hunt down this mysterious hacker who
signs her messages with a camel and the
moniker "Bedwin Hacker." The first film to
show the high-tech world and the contemporary life of queers in North Africa,
Bedwin is fun, quick-witted and sexy as
hell. (cinemalibrestudio.com)
positive effect on the world, not just
something that would go to a few festivals and people would say, "Oh isn't that
a nice little film." That's it - now it's off the
edge of the planet. So I decided to make
the film about agriculture.
Is this something that just affects the
Americas and Canada, or is it inevitably
a global problem?
There is huge resistance all over the world
from governments and citizens. Huge.
Biotech is losing all over the world.
There are only a few countries that plant
it. Other countries do not want it, and
they are able to keep it out. The resistance is very solid. The citizens of these
countries are very well-educated. And
sperm donor to Lamaze classes
to the birth of Grace, and the
DVD includes a bonus featurette, Grace's Epilogue.
(firstrunfeatures.com)
Three of Hearts: A Postmodern
Family (TH!NK Film): This criti-
cally acclaimed doc looks at the
real-life relationship between a
gay couple and the woman they
found to be their soul mate. As
Sam, Steven and Samantha
examine what it means to be a
threesome, they also open New
York's hottest wellness center
and have a baby. Though the
journey may end in a different
place than once imagined, the
ally 100 percent have.
How did you find a balance between
communicating the enormity of the
problem and yet making viewers feel
that they can effect change?
If you make people aware of the issue and
give them an alternative, they will take it. I
think it's a healthy thing to want to support
local farmers and know where your food is
coming from and feel like it's healthy. It
doesn't take a lot of convincing. But I think
a lot of Americans are very removed from
the consequences. I think you have to
help them pay attention to it. And most
people will come to the same conclusions
I did, which is [that] this is important and
we need to wake up about it.
inner workings of this unusual
family make for thought-provoking viewing. (thinkfilm
company.com)
ANT: America's Ready (Goldhil
Entertainment): Gay comic ANT
and his Last Comic Standing
stablemate Alonzo Bodden
both released hilariously
twisted and piercing hour-long
specials filmed live at the historic El Portal Theatre in Los
Angeles. Both are filled with
queer humor (in the purest
form) and sidesplitting don'tmiss moments.
(goldhilentertainment.com)
-DAM
Curve
63
Young Adult Fiction Grows Up
YOUNG ADULT FICTION
Rachel
Pepper
HAS OFTEN PLAYED SECOND
fiddle to, well, adult fiction, but these days the YA genre is no longer
solely filled with Sweet Valley High knockoffs. Two recent offerings
from Michelle Tea (of Valencia fame) and Alison Bechdel (the pen
behind Dykes to Watch Out For) show that being a young adult is
as complex, challenging and queer as you likely remember from your
own teen years.
Rose of No Man's Land, Michelle
Tea (MacAdam Cage)
Michelle Tea may be best known for
her autobiographically based novels
like Valencia and The Chelsea
Whistle. However, like the works of
many young authors, her writing has
• always defied easy categorization,
especially given her propensity for
continuous creativity. Having written at least five books on her own as
well as having edited several
anthologies, participated in numerous
spoken-word
road
shows,
and
given seemingly nonstop readings and performances,
it's never been a stretch to think that one day Tea
might lend her hand to young adult fiction. Living an
adrenaline-charged existence as a dyke in San
Francisco, the free-spirited capital of cool, but having
- and remembering - working-class roots have
combined to provide Tea with a bounty of experience
to draw upon in her work. She is, as always, realistic
in capturing what it means to be young and searching
for both empowerment and enlightenment by whatever means you can.
In Rose of No Man's Land, Tea's first hardcover
book, she creates an apt protagonist in Trisha, ·a
rather aimless 14-year-old whose family gives her little inspiration.
Trisha's mother is a couch-inhabiting hypochondriac; her stepfather
is a battery-stealing, beer-swigging loafer; and her older sister is an
TIie Dap of Good Looks,
CllNfce(c.roB & Graft.
In
the last 28 years.CbetytClarkeone of the mQ8l
Afrk:an·
Americanlesbianfeministsof the
''108and '80s - .. writteneidenaiv.alyabout ll1e communities
a.,t
which ...
IN BOOKSTORES
NOW:
Recovering the Sacred, Winona
LaDuke (South End): Winona
LaDuke, a two-time Green Party
vice presidential candidate and
the founder of both the
Indigenous Women's Network
and the White Earth Land
Recovery Project, offers up an
easy-to-read (but not easy-to-
stomach) look at the complexities
surrounding Native rights and the
far-reaching connections to everything from Native women in
recovery to Indian mascots and
the restructuring of the energy
industry. (southendpress.org)
With Her Machete in Her Hand,
Catriona Rueda Esquibel
(University of Texas Press): In this
~ist,
• s-1
•
~tl(>n
•
•
amongthe
...
~prose
likethe
• tohet
' of
fflias
groundbreakingessay, 81.esbianiam:
All Act of
esistance~
(avalonpuh.com) - DIMe ~•
a
MTV devotee. When Trisha gets a short-lived summer job at the
local mall and thereby meets Rose, the action starts to build. This
is no character-building YA novel with a happy ending and ultimate salvation for a down-and-out teen.
It's too gritty and is full of characters like mean mall
rats, pedophiles, drug dealers and unethical tattoo
artists. But for one wild night, Trisha experiences
more than she has in all her years combined, even if
it's due to drugs and her first lesbian - and sexual experience. We don't know what happens to Trisha
or Rose after the book ends, but we imagine that having been shaken from their small-town, mall-induced
lethargy, there might be more in store for them than
can fit on the page. (macadamcage.com)
Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, Alison Bechdel
(Houghton Mifflin)
Alison Bechdel also stretches her crossover wings in this incredibly
well-drawn and maturely imagined graphic novel, Fun Home. The
In the Stacks... continued
onpage72
giber Paae Turner1
64 MAY 2006
>> By
first-of-its-kind tome, San
Francisco State ethnic studies
professor Esquibel maps out the
terrain of Chicana lesbian fiction.
It's a lovely, decades-later followup to the groundbreaking This
Bridge Called My Back, in which
Cherrfe Moraga and Gloria
Anzaldua ushered in a new era in
Chicana lesbian writings, if for no
other reason than that since
Bridge, most scholars (and
reviewers) have failed to even
recognize Chicana lesbian lit as a
definable category of work.
(utexaspress.com)
Encyclopedia of Arab Women
Filmmakers, Rebecca Hillauer
(American University in Cairo
Press): Encyclopedias can be so
O&Ai IsaCbao~m
Mos~owitz
More Than Tofu
By Ariane Resnick
PUBLIC ACCESS TV COOKING SHOW
host Isa Chandra Moskowitz brings vegan
cooking to the mainstream with her new
cookbook, Vegan With a Vengeance.
Packaged to appeal to 20-something hipsters and 30-something ex-punks, the book
includes not only a slew of animal-friendly
recipes, but also pantry and equipment suggestions, and helpful tidbits from
Moskowitz's cat, Fizzle. We had a chat
with the author to ascertain how vegan
food can be a political stance.
How welcoming do you think your book
is for nonvegans?
All of the ingredients are pretty common ...
most of it relies on whole foods like
beans and grains that most people are
familiar with.
You have a very anti-corporate voice in
your cookbook and shy away from suggesting brand-name ingredients. Would
you ever endorse a brand, as so many
chefs do?
If it was a good brand, yeah. I wasn't like ...
don't buy it because it's a brand; it was
more [like] look at what we are eating.
Look at where our prepackaged food is
coming from, and you'll see that most of
those are owned by a large corporation
whose policies we probably disagree
with. Try not to support these brands that
don't support what our ethics may be.
Do you have plans to ever open a
restaurant?
I would love to open a restaurant. I have a
dense (or dull) that they
languish on our shelves,
occasionally referenced
when something obscure
is mentioned in a New York
Times crossword puzzle.
Not so with this unprecedented book, which offers
a brilliant, penetrating look
into the history of Arab
b~siness plan, and it's one of my goals. I
just have to find some rich, altruistic vegan.
You mentioned that the Food Network
took a look at your TV show and found it
inaccessible.How do you feel about that?
I thought it was funny and probably true. It
made me feel a little bit good. If the average American is watching Rachael Ray,
and that is what is accessible, I don't necessarily want to fall into that category.
Have you had any interest or involvement in the raw food movement?
No. It seems just a bit much to have to spend
a whole day making a sandwich.
Your book seems very personal for a
cookbook.
It did feel very much like I'm showing people
my diary, and I do hope that people take
it that
women's filmmaking as
well as the political environs of the countries these
auteurs hail from, including
Egypt, Iraq, Syria, Morocco
and Algeria. Between biographies, filmographies and
studies of each woman's
work, Encyclopedia also
offers in-depth interviews
with the filmmakers. The
one downside: The women
of Iranian cinema - where
a fascinating post-revolution movement has given
birth to female filmmakers
like the exceptional
Tahmineh Milani - are suspiciously absent.
(aucpress.com) - DAM
"Jazz-popmusings,
passionatefolkoutpourings
that
decry oppression"
VILLAGE
VOICE
*
*
NATIONNIPe
4.2~!
*
curve
65
Womenof the World
I WAS PRIMED
TO LOVE WORLD
music by a Brazilian mother with French
roots and an American father of German
descent who, interestingly enough, loved
Trinidadian steel drums and Scottish bagpipes. (Not together, don't worry!) Maybe
that's why I love listening to music in languages I don't understand and am fascinated
by the rhythms and instruments of foreign
lands and cultures, such as those offered by
the international artists featured this month:
Chavela Vargas, Lura and Susheela Raman.
Live at Carnegie Hall, Chavela Vargas
(Tommy Boy Silver Label)
Recorded on Sept. 15, 2003, this exquisite,
17-track live set on the new LGBT imprint
Silver Label is a fitting tribute to the legendary Costa Rican-born Mexic~n folk
singer and lesbian icon known for her passionate love affair with bisexual painter
Frida Kahlo. Despite all the colorful tales of
her cross-dressing, gun-toting, cigar-smoking and womanizing in the 1950s and '60s,
it's Vargas' one-of-a-kind voice and her
revolutionary, gender-bending transformations of Mexican rancheras (love
songs traditionally sung by men about
women, for which she never
changed the pronouns) that are
her legacy and are responsible
for packing the house for this
78-minute performance. The
now 86-year-old singer's deep,
husky voice - lightly accompanied by acoustic guitar - is
captured beautifully on this
recording, and though it has
roughened with age and years
of hard living, it's no less stunning and perhaps even more
emotive than the higher, clearer
tone heard on her earlier
recordings. From the grand,
dramatic, spoken-sung delivery of the
opening, "Macorina," to the virtually
whispered "La Llorona," Vargas' gravelly, growling voice embodies love and
longing, pain and suffering, strength and
courage like no other. You don't need to
know a word of Spanish to
comprehend every emotion
Vargas offers; you need only
be human. (tommyboy.com)
66 MAY 2006
Coble
Editor's Pick
',;
Songafpr-OurChildren
Celebrating
OurDi-.er88 Li\168
(Escondida Music)
Lisbon-raised Maria de Lurdes
Pina Assurn;:ao, aka Lura part of a younger generation of
musicians of Cape Verdean
descent who are following in the
footsteps of elder chanteuse and
cultural ambassador Cesaria Evora - offers
fresh, pop-friendly modernizations of the
West African islands' traditional sounds,
while remaining thoroughly African-rooted.
Korpu
Other Licks
acclaimed British singer-songwriter's fourth album in 10 years
is a stripped-down, emotionally
bare masterpiece of deeply personal indie folk-pop, though her
haunting voice remains the main
attraction. (bethorton.mu)
Illuminate, Latrice (Ultra): The
Margaret
Rainbow Sprinkles: Song• for Our
Children Celebrating Our Diverse
U u, Suzi Nash (CD Baby):The gayby
boomhas spawnedmanythings,but Suzi
Nash'sseH-produced
CD, aimedat 3- to 6year-oldkidsof queers,is amongthe firstifnotthe first- of its kind.Her LGBTfamilyfriendlysongs include"DifferentFamilies;
the transditty "UncleMike"and the perky
"AuntBetty; all of whichcombinehip-hop,
calypsoandcountrywithoh-so-gay
butageappropriatelyrics.(cdbaby.com/suzinash)
- Diane Anderson-lllnshall
Di
ON CD:
Comfort of Strangers, Beth
Orton (Astralwerks): The
>> By
former Five Point Plan and
Galactic front woman offers up
a buttery smooth solo disc of
slinky, R&B-influenced soulful
house, produced by West Coast
luminaries Kaskade and Jay-J.
(/atricebarnett. com)
Down to This, Adrianne (Kufala):
This follow-up to the 2005 Out
Music Award winner's critically
lauded 10,000 Stones is an all-
Ku Alma,
Lura
acoustic collection of solid folkrock that will tide fans over until
the release of her next bandbacked rock set, due later in
2006. (adrimusic.com)
When the Going Gets Dark,
Quasi (Touch and Go): This seventh recording from SleaterKinney drummer Janet Weiss'
other band, with Portland musician and ex-husband Sam
Coomes, is a beau_tifullychaotic,
psychedelic, emo romp sure to
please indie-rock fans.
(theequasi.com)
Come With Me ... , Misstress
Barbara (Koch): The Italian-born,
Montreal-based DJ and "Queen
of Techno" returns to the scene
with a surprisingly subdued set,
moving away from her trademark
aggressive beats to more fluid
RockerGirl Next Door
By Aefa Mulholland
GENRE-HOPPER
STACIE ROSE IS
hard to pin down to merely one musical
category. Critics have compared her to
everyone from Sheryl Crow and
Roseanne Cash to Jewel, Michelle Branch
and Vanessa Carlton. The New Jerseybased singer, whom the press has raved is
"part rock vixen, part girl next door,"
recently released her impressive, second
full-length album, Shadow and Splendor.
Filled with expert hooks and memorable
melodies, Rose's obviously heartfelt lyrics
will strike a chord with many listeners. A
slow burner, Shadow and Splendor has
snuck its way onto the musical radar.
On this third album, Lura focuses on the
percussive-heavy batuku and accordiondriven funana styles of her father's homeland, the island of Santiago, singing in
Portuguese and mixing African, Brazilian,
French and American rhythms and instrumentation into a soulful, richly textured
sound that ranges from peppy dance numbers ("Mundo E Nos") to quiet ballads ("Es
0
Bida").
Also included in this deluxe set is a
""
DVD containing a full-length live concert
""
a:,
from an April 2004 appearance in Paris, a
:;;
behind-the-scenes interview and the music
.....
""
videos for "Na Ri Na" (easily the most
CJ
catchy, single-worthy cut from this album)
z
0
:;;
MusicWatch. . . continued
onpage72
UJ
(/\
<.!)
UJ
:::)
UJ
:::)
and sensual electro-funk grooves.
(misstress
barbara.com)
Captain Wild Horse (Rides the
Heart of Tomorrow), Shelley
Short (Hush): Throw Mazzy Star,
Cat Power and Po' Girl into a
blender with a fiddle and a banjo,
and, well, you get the idea.about
this rootsy, ethereal indie folk
rocker. (shelleyshort.com)
How has Shadow and Splendor been
received?
It's still kind of like a secret. Little by little by
if they don't know me. Michelle Branch and
Avril Lavigne are good to explain how I
sound to younger audiences.
little the word gets out. A friend tells a
Are you working on a new record now?
friend and it keeps picking up steam. It's a
strange, quiet buzz.
Nobody really knows that . I am, but I am.
You're the first to know.
Which tracks have been getting airplay?
What records are you listening to now?
"Consider Me" gets a lot of attention, as does
"Higher Than The Moon," [and] "New
Death Cab for Cutie, Anthony and the
Johnsons, Ryan Adams, Bonnie Raitt and
Year's Day," because it's an unlikely cover
version. The fans' favorite is "Disaster."
How does it feel being compared to
such a diverse list of artists?
I actually like it because nobody says, "She
Jamiroquai.
If you were to make a mix CD to play in
the car this summer, which song would
have to go on it?
Definitely one of the new Madonna tracks.
sounds exactly like Sheryl Crow or exactly
like Suzanne Vega:' Roseanne Cash and
Suzanne Vega are two of my favorite song-
If you could play an opening set for any
artist in the world - whom would you
choose?
writers. I might as well be compared to
people I like! I think references help people
I would be very psyched
Lucinda Williams.
Free Alongside Ship, Shitting
Glitter (Decadrisco): Despite
_their rather unfortunate moniker,
this Los Angeles-based, femalefronted, queer, glam-rock trio
blends new wave and kitsch-pop
influences for an infectiously
upbeat result, and drag queen
go-go dancers make their live
shows a must-see.
(shittingglitter.com)
Underneath the Everyday,
Nadine Zahr (Chirality): More
than just another indie grrl with a
guitar, the New Jersey-born Los
Angelino teams up with alt-rock
producer Dave Trumfio (Wilco,
Billy Bragg) for a seriously energetic and melodic full-lengther
that's bound to get her the attention she deserves.
(nadinezahr.com)
to open for
ON DVD:
Fade to Red, Tori Amos (Rhino):
Nineteen of the eccentric artist's
cinematic music videos span this
two-disc DVD set, with fascinating audio commentaries by
Amos herself and bonus material
like a behind-the-scenes look at
the special effects wizardry of "A
Sorta Fairytale." (toriamos.com)
- Margaret Coble
Curve
67
>> By
Michele
Fisher
Hurry,Hide, Here Come the Brides
I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, LESBIAN
Bridezilla! And I want to be a guest at your
wedding. Actually, I want to follow you
around while you terrorize the photographer,
humiliate the caterer, belittle the printer and
reduce the florist to tears. I am sick and tired
of nice queers and their nice weddings.
My sister had her first wedding annulled,
but the guests didn't get that lucky. We had
to be there. I was in the limo when she told
our dad that she was making a mistake. I
knew she was right, but who wants some
sarcastic queer putting her two pennies'
worth in at the eleventh hour? (Apparently
my sister did. Who knew? Sorry, Sis.) But my
father, having spent a big chunk of his savings for the nonrefundable wedding of his
only straight daughter, was not about to give
into simple wedding jitters. Knowing that
anything he said would be construed as
agreement, he simply chuckled and stared
nonchalantly out the limo window.
I was also right there when my mother
announced that "next time" she would have
"someone more talented do the flowers."
Mom hadn't looked around first to make
sure that none of the groom's family was
within earshot. They were, in fact, but Mom
didn't care. She said "next time" about a
hundred more times that day, and my sister
nodded in agreement several times, and not
just to shut Mom up either. I had never
before - nor have I ever since - been
served cocktail weenies in hot grape jelly,
but then again, what else do you serve with
jalapefio poppers? Dad's best friend bragged
that he had found the caterer at a military
reunion. Hopefully this fellow was in charge
of cooking for the enemy.
And that's not even the worst part. The
groom's family kept to themselves - because
they couldn't stand us - except for his little
brother, who spent most of the reception trying to will one of my girlfriend's nipples to
pop out of her dress. The DJ had only three
records, and two of them were REO
Speedwagon. Nobody danced until my sister
threatened to have a breakdown. Only then
did I slink onto the dance floor and feebly try
to rally the other corpses in attendance to
sway in agony with me. The whole affair was
horrible, uncomfortable and unforgettable.
Mom was right: The next one was better,
68 MAY 2006
but the first one was the most entertaining. I
want the right to marry so that I can attend
more entertaining weddings and fewer perfect ones. Lesbian weddings are always so
tasteful, small and understated.
When we get full rights, then we will
have to have big, overblown weddings
where we invite too many people, perhaps
even people we don't really know or like,
just like straight people do. The more people
you invite, the more chances you have that
something interesting will happen.
I went to one wedding where the bride's
father brought his new girlfriend to the event
against the wishes of everybody else in the
family, especially his wife. When he walked
in with "the other woman," the whole room
went dead quiet. Everybody minded his or
her manners . . . for about an hour.
Eventually, that cheap champagne worked its
magic and the word "slut" was lobbed in
dear old Dad's direction. He was willing to
ignore it, but some other slut who thought
she was being called out answered the challenge, and the reception disintegrated into a
barroom brawl. I didn't catch the bouquet,
but I did save the hair clip that landed on my
lap - with a chunk of the owner's locks in it.
Nobody minds when you bring a new
girlfriend or an old girlfriend to a dyke wedding. Everybody has already kissed the
brides and nobody cares. We are much too
civilized and evolved to let petty jealousy
sully our serene ceremonies. Not like another
great wedding I went to, where the bride
turned out to be bisexual.
I had just started dating this girl, and she
asked me to attend a seaside wedding with
her. She was one of the bridesmaids, so we
were getting a free hotel room at the beach.
Free surf and sex - I couldn't believe my
luck. The night before the nuptials, my date
and the bride took a bottle of champagne
and went for a midnight stroll on the beach.
Meanwhile, the groom and I made small talk
on the porch of the bed-and-breakfast as we
watched our girls fade into the night. When
it became apparent that they were not rushing back, we went back to our respective
rooms to wait for our respective women. I
am quite sure that his girl had as much sand
stuck to her back as my girl did to her knees,
and I can only hope that her explanation
was more believable. I didn't take it too
hard; it was still a free weekend at the beach.
Nothing that exciting ever happens at a
lesbian wedding. Even if it did, the brides
would probably just talk about it. That's
what we do best: talk about things. Most
likely, they would discuss it with one of the
many dyke therapists in attendance and
agree to continue their sessions after the
honeymoon so they could talk about it some
more. I am bored with "civil" ceremonies.
They are so ... so civil.
The minute we get the real right to marry,
I want every dyke in the world with a wedding fantasy to make hers a reality. Why let
straight girls have all the fun? If you wonder
what your friends would look like in melon
and puce, then go ahead and choose those as
your wedding colors. Perhaps you and your
beloved are from different cultures. Why not
throw a traditional Moroccan or Cambodian
wedding and require your guests to dress
accordingly? Guests at gay ceremonies have
gotten far too comfortable wearing what
they want to wear. I am sick to death of
"dressy casual" affairs. Spending a paycheck
on something that you will never wear again
is all part of the wedding experience.
And Bridezilla, don't stop at gaudy
dresses and impossible-to-match colors;
throw a theme wedding. How about a
"heavenly" affair where angels and harps
abound? Or maybe a Hollywood happening
where all of the "stars" come out. My
favorite weddings are outdoor, springtime
affairs. A guest is bound to suffer an asthma
attack or get stung by a bee. There's nothing
like hearing someone scream for an EpiPen
to keep a wedding interesting.
I also want to hear god-awful music at
gay weddings. And not just goddess-awful
wind chimes and Tibetan bells that we feel
guilty about snickering at, but truly horrible
dance medleys sung by one of the brides'
overweight uncles. Better yet, plug in that
karaoke machine.
When the legislature gives us the go-ahead,
DykeDrama...
continued
onpage72
Curve
69
>> By
Victoria
A. Brownworth
The Rightto Choose Marriage
I DON'T WANT HILLARY CLINTON
to be president because she doesn't support a woman's right to choose.
"What?" you exclaim. "Hillary Clinton
is anti-abortion?" No - Hillary Clinton
is anti-queer marriage, and every lesbian
reading this should care as much about
our right to choose marriage as our right
to choose whether to bear a child.
It's not just Sen. Clinton whom I
won't vote for. I won't vote for any candidate who's running for any office and
believes - in what always seems to be
an extraordinarily casual way - that I
don't have the right to get married. Let
me clarify that: anyone who believes that I
don't have the right to marry another
woman. Because I could walk outside my
office this minute, point to the first man I
see, say, "Hey mister, wanna get married?"
and within a day in my state (an hour if we
were in Nevada), I could be married to a
total stranger off the street as long as he's a
man. But there are only a handful of places
in the country where I can marry another
woman. How wrong is that?
Like many lesbians, I was once married
to a man. I was 17, and he was a few years
older. I was trying hard to be straight, and
getting married seemed a good way to prove
it. I could marry a man; I couldn't marry
another woman. Wasn't that a clear indicator that being queer was not just wrong but
illegal? Like so many people - women, men
and transgendered folks - who get married
in an attempt to "fix" their sexual orientation, my experiment didn't work. Many
people, most especially this very nice guy,
got hurt. And I began to see marriage as a
dangerous weapon rather than a bond
between people in loye.
I still have mixed feelings about marriage.
I used to be adamantly against marriage, as
longtime·readers of this column know. Over a
decade ago, I wrote a column in this very
space explaining why marriage was wrong
for queers. I still believe that as an institution,
marriage is oppressive. It oppresses women
and girls all over the world, every day. But in
the United States and other developed nations
where the issues surrounding marriage are
different than they are in the developing
world where women and girls are regularly
70 MAY 2006
coerced into abusive and exploitative marriages, lesbians should have the same right to
marry as heterosexual women do.
Which brings us back to Mrs. Clinton. I
don't care that her marriage has been publicly
ridiculed due to the former president's blatant
infidelities. More than 50 percent of married
people cheat on each other; Bill Clinton's just
one of many. In addition to the high rate of
infidelity among heterosexual couples, close
to half of all marriages end in divorce. Thus,
the pontificating over how queers will destroy
the sanctity of marriage rings hollow.
Many politicians, such as recent presidential candidates Sen. John Kerry and Sen.
John McCain, are on their second marriages.
If marriage between a man and a woman is
so sacred, why can't the politicians who
assert that so stridently make their own marriages work? It's hard to imagine queers
doing any worse at marriage than these
politicians have done.
Last year, when my partner and lover
asked me to marry her, I said yes. After many
years of wrangling over the issue of marriage,
I decided I wanted to take that step with her.
We have known each other for 35 years we met in high school - and have been
together for six. In the next few months, we
will likely go to Massachusetts to get married
and then return to our home state where
queer marriage is illegal.
Sen. Hillary Clinton is currently the
Democratic front-runner in the race for president. She and other candidates from the
party that embraces personal autonomy
must understand that being pro-choice
means more than just supporting a woman's
right to abortion. It means supporting personal freedom and
choice in all its forms. Mrs.
Clinton has rightly excoriated
George W. Bush for his repeated
violations of civil liberties
throughout his presidency. But
candidates shouldn't get to pick
and choose which civil liberties
they want to protect.
In 2003, U.S. Supreme Court
Justice Anthony Kennedy - a
conservative and Republican
appointee - wrote the majority
opinion in Lawrence v. Texas.
The ruling overturned state sodomy laws
that, Kennedy noted, unfairly penalized lesbians and gay men. In the opinion, Kennedy
stated that the laws were unconstitutional
because they prevented lesbians and gay men
from enjoying their constitutional right to
"the pursuit of happiness." Kennedy also
wrote that the Supreme Court had been
"wrong" when it had, in a similar case,
Bowers v. Hardwick in 1986, ignored the
constitutional issues involved.
The controversial opinion was criticized
by conservatives, particularly President
Bush, because it seemed to grant queer
Americans equal status under the law.
Conservatives argued, as did Justice
Antonin Scalia in his dissenting opm1on,
that the ruling would open the door to
queer marriage rights.
Hillary Clinton isn't the only hypocrite
running for public office. But as a woman
who has adamantly stood for women's rights
and other civil liberties, her stance against
same-sex marriage (please note that civil
unions are not equivalent to marriage; if they
were, heterosexuals would be clamoring for
them) makes her an unacceptable candidate.
Someone who wants to be the first woman
president should do what her male counterparts have never done: Stand up for equality
for all Americans, not just those whom it is
politically expedient to support.
I want to marry the woman I love. So if
Hillary Clinton wants my vote, she needs to
support my right, and the right of every
other queer in America, to choose. Equality
should not be optional - for us or for
political candidates.
>-
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the bus, doing laundry or grinding on the treadmill) into a fitness program. The device records
your daily activity minute by minute and sends it via the USB port on your computer to the
SportBrain Web site where you can graph your week, view your active times, check your body
mass index, and track everything from your caffeine intake to your cholesterol. In the iStep
series, you can find counters for steps, calories and distance, as well as alarms, a stopwatch, a
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Curve
71
DIVBride. . . continued
frompage39
Bull's Zinfandel, which makes a mean Zin-Gria
(dancingbull.com). If you're dead set on serving
MusicWatch. . . continued
frompage67
and "Vazulina." Did I mention she's also
strikingly beautiful? (escondidamusic.com)
mixed drinks, offer one or two special cocktails
so you can limit the types of alcohol and lower
the costs. Because our wedding colors were
Music for Crocodiles, Susheela Raman
(Narada)
green apple and a preppy, '80s-chic bubblegum,
This third release from the London-born,
Australian-raised child of Tamil parents tips
more to the Western side of her musical background than her critically lauded, previous
two albums, but definitely retains enough
classical Southern Indian, African and
European influences to warrant its inclusion
here on our sonic journey. Raman employed
a band of international musicians (a
Cameroonian bassist, Guinea-Bissau percussionist, American drummer and British tabla
player and guitarist) and recorded in India,
France and the United Kingdom, though
more than half the record is sung in English.
The resulting album ranges from lush, worldflavored, English-language jazz-pop and
R&B cuts like the opening, "What Silence
Said," to the French "L'Ame Volatile" and
South Indian traditiona~ grooves like "Idi
Samayam" and "Sharavana," sung in Tamil.
It's a global gumbo of rhythms, instrumentation and language that makes it difficult to
categorize, but easy to enjoy. (narada.com)
we offered two specialty cocktails: a frozen mint
chocolatini and a frozen pink cosmo (made with
Absolute, Stoli, Vox Green Apple and, my new
fave, rice-infused Asian Han vodkas).
You may also want to forego the cocktails,
especially if many of your friends are teetotalers.
We decided to separatethe cocktail hour from the
rest of the reception, where we gave guests two
delightful teas: DHC's Roasted Black Soybean
Tea ($6 for 10, dhc.com) and Mighty Leafs amazing artisan teas (mightyleaf.com),including a wedding day tea called Celebration, which you can
buy in silk fortune-cookie-style coin purses and
give out as favors. And booze is still a great gift:
We gave our attendants a bottle of Phillips
Union's VanillaWhiskey or Cherry Whiskey.
DON'T FORGET TO PERSONALIZE
Dykes too often play model gay (we have to have
perfect families, perfect behavior and perfect
commitment ceremonies), but this is truly your
special day, so make it all about you two. We
released native butterflies ($65 and up, renaissancebutterflies.com) as my sister-in-law read a
Native American legend about butterflies being
wish messengers.At our reception, we gave out
pieces of gum that we wrapped with pieces of
paper that read "We're Sticking Together:'
If you're a sports fan, have your guests sign
a soccer ball instead of a traditional guest
book. Hire a caricature artist, a psychic or a
drag king troupe for an hour of your reception
(usually $100 will do); have your bridesmaids
tote Ann Veronica handbags instead of flowers (annveronica.com); or have everyone hold
3-foot long sparklers above you as you make
an exit worthy of fireworks ($60 for 48,
sparklersonline.com). Another great idea is to
have lesbian-friendly artist Carol Lebeaux
make heirloom-quality silhouettes of the newlyweds and everyone else at the reception to
display for decades to come (silhouettes-bycarol.com).
Whatever you imagine, you can do it on a
budget, and your guests will love the personal
touch.
Wait, there's more: Go to curvemag.com for an extensive
look at wedding planners, gift registries, must-read wedding books, bachelorette party tips, cocktail recipes and gift
ideas for your whole wedding party. Additional research by
Lauren Marie Fleming, Ariane Resnick and Janel M. Lynch.
72 MAY 2006
In the Stacks. . . continued
frompage64
basic autobiographical story, which traces
and juxtaposes her father's growing neuroses as a closeted gay man with young
Alison's growing self-awareness as a lesbian,
is moving in and of itself. Combine this with
Bechdel's supremely skilled artwork, and it's
a winning combination.
Like much of Bechdel's previous work, in
· particular the groundbreaking dyke life strip
Dykes to Watch Out For, this book is utterly
addictive. I read the entire book in one sitting,
captivated and carried away to tiny Beech
Creek, Penn., and the large family home that
Bechdel's father painstakingly and obsessively
restores to its full gothic glory. Bechdel relies
on her own memory as well as a stockpile of
journals and family mementos to portray her
family in as accurate but caring a light as possible. There's her emotionally distant but
internally seething perfectionist father; her sad
and settled actor-musician mother; and her
two younger brothers who, like Bechdel, must
polish the ornate family furnishings, assist
their father at his second job at the familyowned funeral home he runs (referred to by
the children as Fun Home), and accompany
him on camping trips and weekend sprees to
New York with a host of teenage boys some of whom, it is suggested, her father has
successfully managed to seduce.
Sharing a love of reading with her literature-obsessed father, who also works as a
high school English teacher, keeps Bechdel at
least connected with a man she might otherwise have grown to abhor. His subdued revelation to her of his homosexuality shortly
before his death - and only after she dares to
come out to him - gives the book a melancholic, bittersweet air. As she tries to reach
back in time to understand her father's life
and her own place in it, you'll find the pages
of Fun Home flipping faster and faster as you
are whisked along on a revelatory journey to
the heart of a father-daughter relationship one which ultimately shaped Bechdel into the
beloved artist we have long known and
admired. (houghtonmifflinbooks.com)
DykeDrama. . . continued
frompage69
you simply must invite the whole family to
witness your vows - not just the cool relatives
who are supportive and well-behaved. We
have seen enough of them at our (yawn) commitment ceremonies, thank you. I must hear
about your great-aunt's duodenal biopsy. The
event won't be a success until a surly relative
approaches and loudly demands, "Which one
of the brides is the man?" And watching uninvited little ones dart under the buffet to bring
your six-tiered, twin-bride-topped, hazelnut
buttercream wedding cake ever closer to the
edge of the table is just the type of high drama
we guests are craving.
I can't wait till we can register at real
stores like real brides. Forget all of that inlieu-of-gifts-make-a-dona tion-to-the-sa vethe-unicorns-foundation crap. We will make
it clear to our guests that we don't want any
stupid poetry books or pottery either. We
want real stuff, like silverware, that we can
take back to real stores for real cash.
After more careful consideration, I have
decided not to wait until our unions are fully
legal to turn into a demanding bride-to-be.
Perhaps all of this polite waiting and these civil
discussionsare working against us. I say we call
up our local congresspersonsand treat them to
a Bridezillatirade about how our wedding day
is the most important day of our lives, and no
blankety-blanklaw is going to stand in the way
of our joy. Then, while I'm still all worked up,
I'll call a wedding planner and tell her I've got
something big and bold in mind and warn her
that if she's not up to the challenge, there are
plenty of planners out there who would feel
lucky to kiss my big, green, scaly feet.
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Curve
73
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