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issue
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1
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Date Issued
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February 2007
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol17_No1_February-2007_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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Property of:
Out On The Shelf
www.outontheshelf.ca
FranklySpeaking
We're on
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
TheL Word
V()
JfV1 1
Publisher/Editor in Chief
Executive Editor
Associate Editor
Book Review Editor
Music Review Editor
Contributing Editors
Copy Chief
Proofreaders
is thrilled to be on the set as part of a
Editorial Assistant
Art Director
Production Manager
Production Artist
Web Producer
Catalog Manager
Catalog Department
pretty exciting story line. That's right, tune in for episode two this season and check us out as the
Ad Sales & Marketing
Frances Stevens Publisher/Editor in Chief
howtime's The L Word is back for season four and
CURVE
drama unfolds. I can't give away all the secrets but I must say that Jenny isn't too happy with
the story line, Jenny's doing PR for her new book and has a great interview with a
v11r.-
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, California 94103
Phone 415-863-6538 Facsimile 415-863-1609
Advertising Sales 415-863-6538 or 212-446-6700
Subscription Inquiries 818-760-8983
Advertising E-mail advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial E-mail editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor E-mail letters@curvemag.com
You know how people always
pontificate on who they'd like
to play them on TV? I'd pick
Hilary Swank but my editor
picks lesbian actor Heather
Matarazzo and - guess what
-her wish is coming true this
month.
S
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
m
CURVE
CURVE.
In
editor played
by none other than out lesbian Heather Matarazzo (The PrincessDiaries, Saved!and the new Logo TV
Marketing & PR Manager
Marketing Coordinator
Marketing Representatives
series Exes and Ohs). But when Jenny sees the article on her new book it may not be quite what she
Frances Stevens
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Catherine Plato
Rachel Pepper
Margaret Coble
Julia Bloch, Victoria A.
Brownworth, Sheryl Kay,
Gretchen Lee, Sarah Warn
Laura K. Cucullu
Jaclyn Barcewski, Michelle
Ma, Katherine H. Nelson,
Jocelyn Voo, Laurie Werbner
Sonia Kreitzer
Kas Neteler
Ondine Kilker
Kelly Nuti
Nikki Woelk
Holly DeMaagd
Flo Enriquez,
Monier Ziaian
Sara Jane Keskula
Rivendell Media
Bambi Weavil
Amanda Campa
Mellissa Domboski,
Gabrielle James, Tammy
Lam, Catrina McQuerry
expected.
What we lovingly call "the
CURVE
episode" appears Jan. 14 -
a week after the season four premier -
so
we're throwing San Francisco's hottest lesbian party the day before and you're invited. Come for an exclusive sneak-peek screening and mingle with The L Word cast at our issue release party at the W Hotel
in San Francisco on Saturday,Jan.13.
(For more info, go to Curvemag.com.)
Jenny isn't the only L girl on our minds. I'm sure you recognize our very sexy cover girl, Rachel Shelley,
who play's disinherited rich girl Helena Peabody. In our exclusive interview, Shelley speaks candidly
about filming sex scenes with on-screen hottie Dylan, her upcoming lesbian flick and sex issue -
in honor of our
whom she thinks is the sexiest woman alive. Our annual sex issue is also brimming with
information that can make or break your love life, including top dating mistakes, how to find your dream
girl, and what to do if your dream girl already has another dream girl.
Contributing Writers Harlyn Aizley, Kathy Beige, Heather
Boerner, Kim Burgess, Gina Daggett, Holly Dolezalek,
Kate Earnshaw, Michele Fisher, Lauren Marie Fleming,
Tracy E. Gilchrist, Tania Hammidi, Dana Kaye, Kate
Lacey, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karlyn Lotney, Lauren
Palmigiano, Alison Peters, Charlotte Rice, Stephanie
Schroeder, Jenny Sherwin, Ursula Steck, Allison
Steinberg, Garren Strock
Contributing Illustrator Katherine Streeter
Contributing Photographers Alesia Adams, Molly Bennett,
Brie Childers, Phyllis Christopher, George Grayson,
Sophia Hantzes, Charles Harris, Dale Harris, Marilyn
Humphries, Gabriela Hashun, Sarah Hesswest, Ellen
Huang, John Jacobs, Briana Kingrey, Paul Michaud,
Aefa Mulholland, Maggie Parker, Forrest Payne, Jenna
Shannon-Garvey, Elisa Shea, John Shearher, Don Spiro,
Max Vadukal
Talking about sex, we realize that some of subjects we explore might push the limits of your comfort
zone. It's intentional. We want not only to entertain you but inform and challenge you to evaluate some of
the issues that we face as a community. We broach some pretty hot topics including polyamory (Webster's
Dictionary defines it as "participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships"), lesbians in the porn industry, lusting for fat dykes and how polygamists ( not polyamorists) are jumping on
the same-sex marriage bandwagon.
I dare you to confront your preconceived notions and take a look at what's really going on between
the sheets. Maybe it'll even lead to a little interesting pillow talk. (Don't forget to tell us all about it,
though.)
Volume 17 Issue 1 Curve (ISSN 1087 -867)() is published monthly (except for
January and July) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc., 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510,
San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $51.95 Canadian
(U.S. funds only) and $61.95 international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks
will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals pcstage paid at San Francisco,
CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve
Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph
of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may
not be taken as an indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or
group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited
manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be returned unless a
self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No respcnsibility is assumed for
loss or damages. The contents do not necessarily represent the opinions of
the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription
Inquiries: Please write to Curve, 1550 Bryant Street, Suite 51 o, San Francisco,
CA 94103, e-mail shop@curvemag.com, or call 818-760-8983. Canadian
Agreement Number: 40793029. Newsstand Circulation: BigTop Newsstand
Services 415-643-0161 or maire@bigtoppubs.com. Postmaster:Send Canadian
address changes to shop@curvemag.com,
Curve, PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON
L2E 6S8. Send U.S. addresschangesto shop@curvemag.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138,
N. Hollywood,CA 91615-7138.Printedin the U.S.
"
~ Keyword: Curvemag Web site: curvemag.com
2 J curve
Departments
February 2007
"Thisyear,I havea
valentine.Not a gal
who getspaidby
the hourto keep
me company,
nota fellowlonely
heartlesbianwho
helpsme take the
stingout of the
day by watching
horrormovies
whereyoung
loversget killedby
maniacswithme
- but a realgirl
who lovesme."
c.1Je 10
2
Frankly Speaking We've got bragging
22 Ask Fairy Butch I want her back. No
rights this month.
8
Contributors The girls y'all love.
23
66
wait, maybe I don't.
Music Watch Margaret Coble's tells us
all about Arthur Loves Plastic and two
girls who are Nervous but Excited. Plus,
Lipstick & Dipstick I think my daugh-
Androgyny is sooo fine.
ter is gay. What to do?
9
Letters Dante's Cove: love it or lump it.
68 Tech Girl It's 2007. Let's get efficient
24 Astro Grrl Astrologer Charlene
11 Out in Front A trio of activists, including
people. Here's how.
Lichtenstein forecasts your new year.
two doctors.
69
Politics Victoria A. Brownworth looks
at the history of lesbian lust and asks,
"Where did it all go?"
70
Dyke Drama Michele Fisher gets set for
Valentine's Day.
62 Sapphic Screen Tracy E. Gilchrist
12 Curvatures Lesbian sex: why straight
tackles new dyke cinema. Plus, Science
of Sleep and Docurama's fest.
chicks dig it, too. Plus: Cyber dating,
Catherine Opie, Miss Money and more.
64
16 Open Studio Painter Chris Carraher,
the artist known as Jack Dandy.
18 Lesbofile Brangelina's got your back
and Murray Hill tries to score.
In the Stacks Rachel Pepper looks
at mothers of daughters. Plus, Mona E.
gets disCOKEnnected
80 Top Ten Reasons We Love Erin
Ridle She's a river-rafting gender
bender. That's hot.
:J'
_j
~
Cf)
a.
~
Cf)
20 Scene Fun parties, sexy girls and a few
of our favorite friends.
z
:r:
CJ
:::J
4'.
>
z
w
::r:
a.
w
f--
6
I curve
Cf)
Contributors
Trip
Out!
"Whether it's a group of attorneys in Australia trying to legislate against
obesity, officials in Barcelona judging models too thin to walk the runway
or Madison Avenue pimping fad diets, the real issue is one of trying to
control women's bodies;' says Stephanie
Schroeder,
whose feature article
on the subculture of fat dykes and their admirers (see page 44) was
inspired by her own attraction to fat chicks. A freelance writer and
publicist in New York City, she says, "Most people want to find a 'motive'
behind my attraction, as if it's a pathology. I refute that just by loving fat
female flesh and making no excuses:' Schroeder has written for GO
NYC, published lesbian erotica and is currently workshopping her
memoir, Beautiful Wreck: Sex, Lies and Suicide,about her lifelong odyssey
with Tourette Syndrome and bipolar disorder.
"When I first heard about fundamentalist Mormon polygamists aligning
themselves with gay marriage activists, my first though was somethings rotten
in Salt Lake City;' KimBurgess
says of her article on same-sex marriage and
polygamy (see page 42)."Growing up in Utah, I saw disturbing homophobia
from the Mormon Church, homophobia so extreme that all noncurricular
dubs were banned from my high school to prevent the formation of a gay/
straight alliance:' Though Burgess has her own perspective on polygamy, she
stresses that she wrote the article to inspire dialogue within the gay community, not to advance an agenda. "I just chink the gay community needs to look at
polygamists' beliefs and ways of life and ask, 'Is this something we want to get
behind?'" A staff writer for In Utah This Week,Burgess also contributes to Q
SaltLake. If you need the name of a good Utah bar (yes, they exist) or wish to
comment on her article, e-mail kimhburgess@gmail.com.
PublishersWeeklycalled HarlynAizley's
2003 memoir, BuyingDad: One
Womans Searchfor thePeifectSpermDonor,"as addictive as a good soap:' A
Needto get away?
We havethe perfectplace.
Actually,we have9,000.
Our guidesare packedwith
LGBTaccommodations,
bars,
bookstores,cafes& more,
acrossthe US, Canada,
Europe& beyond.
New for 2007:
Dublin,Tokyo& Bangkok!
comic writer of the most serious kind - or a serious writer of the most
hilarious kind? - Aizley'swork can be found in national journals, magazines
and anthologies, and has aired on public radio stations nationwide. Her
second book, Confessions
of the OtherMother:Nonbiological
LesbianMoms
TellAll!(Beacon, 2006) was nominated for the Susan Koppelman Award for
Best Anthology in Feminist Studies in Popular Culture. Read Aizley's story
on page 58, then visit harlynaizley.com for more info on her work.
When you find a store with a mission statement that has the word pussy in
it, you've found something good;' says HollyDolezalek.
'i\nd it's wonderful to
see that Midwestern work ethic applied to a truly good cause:' Dolezalek's
article about the Minneapolis sex toy store Smitten Kitten (see page 48)
describes how the combination of nonporous sex toys, business sense and
feminists with master's degrees makes for a hot and unique small business. A
freelance writer and editor for LGBT and business publications in
Minneapolis, Dolezalek believes that what people do at work and in business
can be, well, almost as interesting as what they do between the sheets. When
she's not reporting, she follows local and national politics, writes fiction and
goofs off with her beloved gray cat, Birkenstock.
Call for a free catalog,
or log on to our onlineservice.
damron.com
s I curve
"I never imagined Married Women Who Love Women would touch so
many women so deeply;' says writer CarrenStrock,whose lesbian classic
makes its way to readers as far away as Hong Kong, Israel and Slovakia.
In this issue, Strock tackles different territory: lesbian friends and their
enduring importance (see page 49). Strock, who is currently at work on
a second edition of Married Women Who Love Women, is also a painter
and photographer. See her artwork online at erols.com/ carrens.
THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
"
you asked for more
and we delivered!
the best-selling lesbian
magazine is now published
10 times a year
special offer
one
you can now~
year of curve for
just $24.95.
subscribe now and
get all tllC latest news
on what's im_eortant
in your life.
life I style I travel
adventure I pop culture
celebrity interviews
entertainment & more ...
Letters
cur.ve
23 Hot Jobs
SomeAustralian
friends
magazine.
gaveusCURVE
Youaresuchcoolpeople.
Thegaywomen'scommunityin Romania
is not
wellknown.So,lastyear
we decidedto makeour
ownmagazine.
It's hardto obtain
financialsupportand
we'restruggling
to
survive.Weusedourown
moneyandnowwe're
outof ideasonhowto
makemoney.Weallwork
voluntarily
forthis magazine;we don'twantto
getpaidforthis,wejust
wantfor ourmagazine
to surviveonthe market
andmakepeopleaware
aboutourcommunity.
- Eugenia
Budurea,
Enolamagazine,
Romania
"AfterreadingaboutTofuA Go-Go I'm eager
to,travelto Provincetown,
Mass. for a yummy veganmeal. I'd loveto meet the owners.
I reallyadmirethem for teachingpeoplethat
veganfood is tasty,creativeand diverse.
ThankscuRvrfor givingus vegansubscribers somethingelseto enjoy."
... 'f'
I recently saw your cover for the November issue (Vol.16, #9),
and I love it. It is sexy and strong: something that many do
this month's
not think that a woman can possess and exude simultaneously.
partner is 33 years old. It gave us hope in the younger genera-
Keep up the good work.
tion. Her efforts and accomplishments should be recognized
- Ashanti White, via e-mail
CURVE
(Vol. 16, #9). I am 36 years old and my
and honored. Our cause is not a popular one, but she strives
forward anyway, helping those who are different from her. She
I love the new cover, but I love all the covers from your maga-
has a point about the civil rights movement. It would have been
zine. It's a solid cover: glossy, chic, well composed and very much
even more difficult if what few white people who did stand up
in keeping with this fall's trend of celebrities and media icons
and say"treating people this way is wrong" hadn't marched and
glowering through their Botox (whether botulism was involved
helped. We, like Martin Luther King Jr., have a dream of a
or not). If I could have altered it, I would have brought more
world where there is no separation ... only God's children living
sex to the image. This is a promo shot for a television show, and
in a world together peacefully with equal rights for us all.
I wasn't drawn into it by beautiful but surly women, but a bit
Thank you, Cecilia for making a difference.
less death around the eyes might have piqued my intrigue.
- K. A. Harrison-Adcock, via e-mail
- Ann and Jennifer, Fort Oglethorpe,Ga.
thought it was great! The only thing that was missing
was me.
Editor's
Note:Congrats!
It's not easybeingfirst;
weknow,we werethe
first magazine
of our
kindin 1990andwestill
believelesbiansshould
findtheirvoicein the
media.Ouradvice?Ask
everyonefor cash,even
it it'sjust 5 bucks.Find
waysto tradeservices
andaskeverydykeyou
knowto advertise.
And
remember
yourjob is
to get themagazine
in
thehandsof othergay
women- if youkeep
givingthemwhatthey
wantthey'llcomeyour
way.Andwe'll tellCurve
readersto emailyouat
timaios_nyx@yahoo.
com.
-
My partner and I read your article on Cecilia Thompson in
- Chantal, via e-mail
I have been subscribing to your magazine for years. After reading about Tofu A Go-Go ("For Vegans Everywhere;' Vol. 16,
#9), I'm eager to travel to Provincetown, Mass., for a yummy
vegan meal. The food sounds scrumptious, and I'd love to meet
Beyond awsome photo. Pick a flavor, any flavor. I love Dante's
Cove, and now to see the beauties in print2 Great choice. I love
that one as much as the July/ August cover (Vol. 16, #6); I'm
such a sucker for Joan Jett. Can't wait to see December!
- Nichole Bustamante, El Paso, Texas
the owners. I really admire them for teaching people that vegan
food is tasty, creative, and diverse. Thanks,
for giving us
- Kat Fisher,Norfolk, Va.
)
So, after receiving your magazine in the mail I got so excited
CURVE,
vegan subscribers something else to enjoy.
...~.
,&
I was very much pleased after reading the article written about
about Dante's Cove that I ordered it on Netflix. It arrived the
Haven Herrin and Right to Serve (Vol. 16, #10). It was a
other day, and my partner and I started to watch it. All I can
pleasure meeting Herrin over the summer during the 2006
say is, what a stupid show! The writing is awful, the acting is
Soulforce Equality Ride, and I am looking forward to the fu-
horrible and the people in the show look like they are oiled up
ture of justice and equality in our community because of endeavors such as Right to Serve and Soulforce.
at all times. This show is geared toward gay men who want to
watch soft-core porn right down to the cheesy music. What a
-- Roxanne Mclain, Tulsa, Okla.
total and complete piece of garbage.
- Gina M. Moore, Bakersfield,Calif.
When I first heard the news of Sheryl Swoopes coming out
Editor's Note: Well, Gina, differentstrokes,I guess.It's still a
guilty pleasureat CURVE headquarters.
months ago, I was thrilled ... then my next question was why2
Olivia. Of course, it couldn't be because she was sick of lying,
hiding, deceiving and wanting to be true to herself and the public. She should call Cuba Gooding Jr., so she can practice say-
10 I curve
Letters
ing, "Show me the money!" We can look at it any
way we like ,but if there hadn't been cash attached
to her coming out, she'd still be way in.
- Deb Ferrell,Chicago
After three years, I had decided to drop my subscription to CURVEbecause the magazine is so
youth-oriented
it seemed to have nothing much
to offer to me. Then I saw a notation in the
September issue (Vol. 16, #7) that a TV play
called The War Widow was finally available. I have
been hoping for some 30 years to get a videotape
(or, now, DVD) of that PBS film, and would never
have known of its availablity without CURVE.So,
for my 68th birthday, I gave myself a copy of the
film - and a new subscription to CURVE!
- Dot James, Ione, Calif.
Editor's Note: Dot, you made my day! We're taking
this as a specialcall to arms to make sureyou find
even more to loveabout CURVEin 2007. Thanksfor
stickingwith us.
r-
rl
read was about the un-readability of the new font.
I am disturbed that CURVEmade no mention of
I will continue my subscription even if I have to
the closing of Girlfriends magazine. The lesbian
community is extremely underserved in terms of
put it under a microscope.
publications. I subscribed to both your magazine
Editor's Note: It's your lucky day, Laura. We made
and Girlfriends.I was excited to see who would get
the "get:' I think the competition made both magazines better. While I am sure that this most recent
that peskyfont biggerthis issueand made the letters
darker and easierto read.Let us know what you
think.
closing has boosted your subscriptions, the fact
remains that our world just got a little bit smaller.
Got
That alone is worth mentioning.
E-mail letters@curvemag.com;
- Laura Hassett, via e-mail
m thin
V
r
A" rl?
write to CURVE
- Heather E. Hendelson, New York, N.Y
Letters, 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco,
CA 94103; fax to 415-863-1609. Please include
Editor's Note: Heather, we'rewith you here.It's al-
your name, city and state. Letters may be edited
ways a sad day when a lesbianpublisher takes a hit.
It cuts closeto homefor all of us and we'remaking
it our great responsibilityto reachout to readerslike
you who might be noticingtheir absence.
for clarity and length.
. ,,..._
When I got my last magazine and turned to the
page with the letters, the first thing I thought was,
"Fuck, I have to get my reading glasses." I was really aggravated when the letter I was able to finally
In our November 2006 issue (Vol. 16, #9) we did
not give the names of the models who appeared
in the article "Diesel Femmes:• From the left, the
models are Zoe, Stacy Bias and Ejiria, with model
Kaia in the background. Also, Sossity Chiricuzio
attended the University of Arizona, not Arizona
State. CuRVE sincerely regrets the errors. ■
January/February
2007 j 11
j
e Doct
Internation
tivist
P oar~
·ve Pr
r
From her office in the middle of San
Francisco, Dr.LisaCapaldinicalls herself a
"country, small town doc:'An internist, she
Her medical credentials alone are impressive,
but coupled with her activism, Dr.DanaBeyer
has certainly helped better our world.
When her daughter once asked her if she was
a "wesbian;' JackieTaylorquickly assured her
has been in private practice in the city's Castro
District for almost 20 years. With a small
office and a staff of two, Capaldini prides herself on her one-on-one connection with her
After studying at Cornell University
and the University of Pennsylvania, Beyer
"She had some trouble with Ts back then;'
explains Taylor, 55, associate vice president
for Academic Affairs and professor of com-
patients in a down-to-earth atmosphere. Just
this year she was voted "Best Doctor" in the
San FranciscoBay Guardian'sReaders' Poll.
This distinction makes her especially proud,
because the votes were from individuals based
on their feelings about their physicians.
But make no mistake about this Marcus
Welby. Capaldini, 50, is a nationally renowned
expert on HIV, having lectured and published
extensively on all aspects of the virus. She completed her residency in San Francisco just as
AIDS was becoming widespread. At one point,
her practice was comprised of about 80 percent
HIV-positive patients.
"As a young doc who trained at a leading
AIDS institution and as a lesbian, it was a
no-brainer for me to end up an HIV specialist;'
she says.
Over the years, Capaldini's practice has
gone through some big transitions. Today,
HIV can often be managed with medications,
so her energies are directed at identifying
the right meds for HIV-positive patients,
convincing them to stay on those prescribed
meds and eagerly addressing a much wider
variety of patients and illnesses.
As for lesbians infected with HIV,
Capaldini says there is work to be done
because the risk of lesbian-to-lesbian transmission is not well understood. "That leaves
us in risk reduction limbo;' she says.
Still more frontiers ahead for this citylivin' country doc. - Sheryl Kay
12
Icurve
interned at the George Washington
University Hospital and did her residency at
the internationally renowned Bascom Palmer
Eye Institute. She later worked in Africa and
Nepal, assisting local populations to provide
desperately needed medical services - all
while known to the world as Wayne Beyer.
Beyer's mom had taken DES during her
that she was.
munications at DePaul University.
And when Taylor asked her daughter if
she knew what that meant, the reply was, "Yes,
it means you're magic, and you're smart:'
It's just one among many stories you'll
find in Taylor's latest work, tided Waitingfor
pregnancy. Once used to prevent miscarriages,
the drug was later found to cause severe health
the Call,due to be published this spring. The
book is an autobiography reaching all the way
back to Taylor's childhood, growing up as the
problems for mother and child. Born with both
male and female anatomy but raised as a boy,
daughter of a Baptist preacher in Appalachia,
continuing through two divorces and then her
Beyer knew from early childhood that her gender had been misassigned. After 9 / 11, Beyer
finally realized it was the right time to move
ongoing 22-year relationship with her partner
as they raise two adopted daughters together.
Taylor, who calls herself a storyteller, is
well known in dyke theatrical circles both for
forward with her lifelong dream. In 2003, she
completed the transition, becoming Dana.
Now retired from medicine, Beyer works
as a community activist with groups such
as Equality Maryland, the National Center
for Transgender Equality, the DES Sons
her writing and performances. She's also often
called upon to speak in schools about lesbian
partnered families as well as about lesbians
and faith.
International Network, the Human Rights
Perhaps due in part to her own familiarity
with religion, Taylor has been able to enjoy an
Campaign and the National Gay and Lesbian
Task Force. In September, she ran for a seat
in the Maryland House of Delegates on a
increasingly successful career as an out lesbian
for the past 25 years at DePaul, a Catholic
university. Noting the school's new LGBTQ
platform supporting universal health care,
improved public transportation and civil
Studies minor she helped develop, Taylor says
that the school's administration now believes
that"hospitality and inclusiveness is at the
rights for all. Although she fell short in the
votes, Beyer says she didn't lose.
'Tm determined to help lead a progressive renaissance in this state and this country;'
she says. "I believe the desire is there, the
support of the people exists, we just need the
right kind of leadership and enough of it:'
-
Sheryl Kay
heart of what it means to be a Catholic and
Vincentian institution:'
As stories go, one of her proudest, she
says, is to have been a part of that growth.
- Sheryl Kay
Curvatures
\Vhy Straight Chicks Dig
Lesbian Sex, Too
It's a forgone conclusion that Angelina Jolie cuts across all sex
and gender norms. Decades from now, scientists will study the
feral beauty for inspiring even gay men and straight women
Come Out,
Come Out!
to loll their tongues out of their mouths while watching her
kick Brad Pitt's ass in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. But pop culture's love
affair with lesbian sex began long before Jolie's indomitable lips
83%of thosewho
identifyas gayor lesbian
considerthemselves
out.
became wallpaper on straight girls' computer screens throughout the nation.
Karen on Will & Grace and Rachel's admission of having
No.1 reasonfor not
comingout:fearof being
a victimof a hatecrime.
"knocked coconuts" with a character played by Winona Ryder
on Friends were among the first signs of a new national sentiment. Straight women dig lesbian sex. Maybe it hearkens
to study dates at Wellesley or Mount Holyoke that turned
into makeout sessions while listening to Sarah McLachlan's
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy. (Sex is the one forgivable studyprocrastination method.) Hence the dawn of a generation of
socially advantageous by husbands and boyfriends. Since the first
LU Gs, lesbians until graduation. But it leaves the dyed-in-the-
8-year-old girl invented the game of playing "house;' girls have
wool lesbian wondering -
like the old protest song "Where
loved kissing other girls. And what pubescent girl hasn't made
Have all the Flowers Gone:"' - where have all the LU Gs gone?
out with and engaged in a little friendly frottage with another girl
Post bachelor's degree, some settle for the predictable pas-
under the pretense of practicing for boys.
tures of purely her-sex, while others incorporate their lesbian
But here's how we still hook 'em (straight girls, listen up):
sex urges into their love lives. Some tried it once like it's the
Women care if you orgasm and they notice if you do. Sex toys
lesbian sex free-fall at Disneyworld -
are fun and provide a cornucopia of options for topping, bot-
a badge of sorts.
Whoareyoumostlikely
to comeoutto?
Closefriends92%
Parents78%
Siblings73%
Co-workers
66%
Placeof worship28%
Because men fantasize about watching two women get it on
toming and everything in between, and usually no one's mas-
- which is about as original as fetishizing Princess Leia wear-
culinity gets threatened. The number of fingers involved can
ing the chain-mail bikini - a woman can openly hook up with
vary depending on your mood -
another and pretend she's fulfilling her man's hackneyed fan-
sometimes matters. Women smell better, you can go to break-
tasy. It's a win/ win for her. Ditto for swinging. But the her-iden-
fast wearing her clothes and no one will notice, and, well no
tified woman doesn't go for other women just because it's deemed
unexpected pregnancy. -
let's face it, we all know size
70%of heterosexual
adultsin the U.S.know
someonewhois LGBT.
Froma HunterCollege's
Center
for Sexuality
andPublicPolicy
studyanda 2006pollby Harris
Interactive®
Tracy E. Gilchrist
Five Sure.-fire Ways to Score
So, winter is here and you are thinking that there is no reason to go cold one more night, right? Fear not, oh fruitless one,
3. Linesare not superficial,
meaningless
phrasesusedby
salesmen.
They are, instead, moments where pure comedy and
for you will soon be loved, and adored, in bed. To get the grrl
true intentions can emerge from the murky gray zone of unex-
(or boi) of your dreams into the sack, there are really only five
pressed desire and insecurity. I once had a crush on a very cute
things to keep in mind.
woman who went out for a smoke any time there was a second
for conversation. Finally, the jig was up. She pulled a out her
1. Defineyourintentions.
Ask yourself, what are your goals?
fifth cigarette as she crossed the dance floor. I stopped her and
Are you looking for a long-term situation, or a short-term
said, "Hey, are you going to smoke all night, or dance with met
something? Once you know what you want, if it's sex you're
She carefully considered her cigarette, then looked at me, then
after, the next step is to bring it up.
2. Timingis everything.
Remember that scene in Go Fish?
at her cigarette, then at me. Pretty soon, we were dancing. As
Max and Ely never left the house, because Ely arrived early or Max was running late -
and someone needed to do their
far as I am concerned: dancing equals sex.
4. Waxpoetic.I dare you. It is not nerdy to carry the work of
your favorite poet around, and it is not nerdy to be yourself.
nails. Laughter is what made that date move along rapidly;
5. Getyoursafersextoysstocked.Physical and emotional
that and a very brave Ely dive-bombing into Max's neck. Don't
health should not put a damper on anyone's expressions of hot-
waste time waiting with forlorn looks to see if so-and-so likes
ness. Sex should be something that enhances your life, when
you: action is where the party is at.
she is there and when she is not. -
Tania Ham midi
January/February 2007
j
13
Curvatures
Hooking up in Cyberspace
Interested in Internet dating
but don't know where to start?
Here are a few options.
Craigslist.org:
The
women-seeking-women
c er
Curvemag.com
asked
readersaboutlastyear's
popularbut controversial
lesbianfilm Loving
Annabelle (nowon
DVD),a moviein which
a teacherandher17year-oldstudentfall in
love(andmakelove).
Thepollcauseda muchheateddebateon our
messageboards.Here's
whatreaderssaid:
5 • I i
1 (you
can't helpwhoyoufall in
lovewith)
26% I ·1 av n
n (I'm reserving
judgmentuntilI do)
12% I think it's
om ·rr e
(Annabelle's
almost18,
afterall)
sec-
tion of Craigslist is a hotbed
of dyke drama, gossip, party
announcements and, yes, personal ads. If you don't mind
the drama -
and come on,
you know you love it -
you
can find pretty much anything
you want here, from coffee
dates to one-hour
hookups.
But watch out: Given the anonymity of Craigslist, the flake factor can be high.
Curvemag.com:
So, you thought cuRvE was just for reading, did you? Well, the nation's best-selling lesbian magazine
has long taken a holistic approach to lesbian life, so if you're
looking for a girlfriend, check out our personals site. Bonus:
You know that everyone here has great taste in periodicals.
Friendster.com:Ostensibly
created
for
"networking,"
Friendster links you to all your friends, their friends and their
friends' friends, and thereby allows you to easily determine how
many girlfriends separate you from the curie you met last weekend. Plus: Friendster allows you to post up to 50 photos on your
page, which means you can get a pretty good idea of what someone really (maybe) looks like.
MySpace.com:
The music clips and fl.ashing icons found all
over MySpace make it appear largely geared toward teens, but
MySpace has drawn a lot of dykes who have gotten bored with
Friendster's more limited technology. A word of warning: If
9% It happe
bu
it' not -ght (I had you're surfing the profiles at work, mute your computer, or else
crushesonteachersbut
thankgodtheydidn't
reciprocate)
someone else's favorite song is going to start blasting through
your office.
PinkSofa.com:
This international dating sire, specifically for
lesbians and bisexual women, is straightforward and easy-cobrowse. The downside: It only allows you to search by state, not
city, which is a problem if your state is a big one. On the plus
side: There are active community forums.
PlanetOut.com:
This mammoth dating sire draws women of
a wide variety of age ranges, locations and interests, but can feel
a bit impersonal. Pluses: You can search for FTM and MTF
dates, and the site enables women to identify as butch, femme
or neither.
FindYourNiche:Jewish lesbians can finally find a spiritually compatible girlfriend now chat ]Date.com offers samesex dating. Christian dykes can look for like-minded ladies
at GayHarmony.net. For saucy, sexy women looking to hook
up as well as stimulate your intellect, try out Nerve.com.
And don't forget the personals section of Burch-Femme.com.
Kate Earnshaw
-
Opie Takes Over Santa Fe
9% It's.
m'llo
(C'mon,
she'sunderageandher
student;that's criminal)
Santa Fe, N.M., is a gorgeous place - ever the more-so because the work of renowned lesbian photographer Catherine
Opie, one of 13 artists featured in Sire Santa Fe's sixth interna-
each child, set against solid background colors: red, blue, green,
brown. On the fourth wall is self-portrait of the artist herself in
tional biennial, "Still Points of the Turning World;' (on exhibit
full-frame, with her baby boy, Oliver, nursing. A stunning depiction of queer motherhood, the installation reminds us chat not
SearchCurvemag.com through early January).
There are a number of places you may have already encounfor moreon Loving
only tough, butch, hip mamas can keep watch over the healthy
development of children, but sex radicals can as well. This point
Annabelle.
tered an Opie original. The photographer first bounced into
the limelight with her early 1990s portraits of the Los Angeles
leather community. For L Word fans, season two's opening
sequences feature a remarkable row of Opie photographs of
14 I curve
is brought forth upon a close viewing of Opie's chest in the selfportrait: the white scar across her chest reads "pervert:'
The installation's effect is an artistic romper room, a wonder-
women in facial hair on yellow backgrounds.
ful play space in which friendship between children and lesbian
moms is accepted and honored. Opie's positive contribution to
At Site Santa Fe, a room of 20 white-framed photographs
line three walls of a well-sized room. Each image is a portrait of
the conversation about parenting, sexuality and privacy speaks
volumes in the visual language of artists. As you exit the adobe
a child of artists or of gay couples chat Opie knows. The photos are crisp and rich, like oil paintings, and focus sharply on
walls, you may just come out singing chat familiar refrain, "Yes,
I am:• - Tania N. Hammidi
Lesbian May Get Death •
J
In one of the most bizarre and heinous crimes
to hit newsstands in late 2005, a deaf lesbian
stands accused of murdering another (allegedly heterosexual) deaf woman in Sioux Falls,
South Dakota. The victim's body parts were
found in different states, her legs and arms in
South Dakota and her torso in Minnesota.
The autopsy discovered that the victim, 42year-old Darlene VanderGiesen, was either
suffocated or beater_ ,•.,,. ti-~ l,e:i '-..
rn·,
~-v
---~a.tty
\Jays
Have you ever received an offbeat Valentine's Day gift? A pukegreen knitted sweater? A gift certificate for electrolysis? A ceramic
bean character that reads, "Nurses make the best friends;' except
gh
you're a financial planner?
The art of Valentine's Day gifting is an intricate, deeply psy-
for
choanalytical trade. So what does your gift say about your girl's
to-
feelings for you? Unexpected gifts may be the best kind to give.
1ot
Ochers may just be indications that you might as well be singing
lus
the soon-to-be lonely blues. Here are some tips on what your gift
really says about your girlfriend's devotion.
of
If your girlfriend gets you the traditional gift of red roses, a
eel
teddy bear, a trinket or 14K gold bracelet, you can bet she may or
[F
may not love you very much. She could think she's being romantic,
11e
or she could have 10 other women to buy things for but not the
time to be creative. The one certainty here is that she's boring. Yes,
:u-
if she gets you a traditional Valentine's Day ensemble, you can bet
she'll get you a sweater for Christmas, music or movies for your
1es
birthday, and a big fat dose of ennui when you approach the sec-
ok
ond Valentine's Day with her. Unless of course, you're boring too.
m.
If your girlfriend is avant-garde and takes you on a helicopter
m.
ride over the city, engages your every sense with fine dining and
Miss Money
"I never felt like there was an unconscious part of me
around that woke up or that came out of the
closet; there wasn't a struggle, there wasn't an
attempt to suppress .... I met this woman, I fell in
love with her, and I'm a public figure.">> Actor
Cynthia Nixon to New York
"I've visited the halls of suicide, popped some tops,
and loved some beautiful women. Yes, I've had
my sleepless nights, but I've also seen God's
face, and I write about these things in my music.
I don't pretend to be anyone other than who I am
- an imperfect person who loves a perfect God."
>> Lesbian rapper Miss Mo ey to Outsmart
wining, throws you into ecstasy with a creative new gift that you
never said you wanted, but were secretly saving up for, you know
she's a keeper. Personalized gift choices (and I don't mean matching engraved ankle bracelets or an insignia towel set) mean that
your girl is attentive. She takes time to understand your needs and
"It's actually a lot easier kissing a girl. It's like, OK, here's
a kiss." >> One Tree Hill actor Daniella Alonso
to Maxim
desires, and goes out of her way to make you feel loved.
m
If helicopter rides make you queasy or fine dining is not within
ic-
your girlfriend's budget, don't worry. There are plenty of other gifts
tot
that will qualify your girlfriend for honorable dyke status.
hy
Did your girlfriend run to the drugstore on Feb. 14 to find
int
your gift or did she order it eight months in advance? It could be
the identical item, but the time and energy she put into getting
it for you can make the difference between a long-lasting rela-
er-
tionship and one that fizzles out before you can say, 'Tve always
an
wanted an automatic plug-in air freshener:' Ultimately, the best
to
gift is subjective.
.ks
If your woman put time into your gift idea, even if it's not expen-
be
sive or original or exactly what you wanted, you can bet you'll want
es,
to keep her around for another year of sappy Valentine's Day lovin'.
-
"I'm not that categorizable, if that's a word .... Sometimes I can be tomboyish, and sometimes I can
be girly. It depends on what mood I'm in. I like
the balance." >> Black Eyed Peas' Fergie to
Rolling Stone
Allison Steinberg
January/February
2007 j 15
Cyberspace
Chris Carraher
I PAINTER, ACTIVIST AND RANDY DANDY I
Working-class painter Chris Carraher isn't your mother's artist. Er, or your father's. Carraher, better known as Jack Dandy, came of age in the 1960s
in the working-class suburbs of east Los Angeles and is largely self-educated in art. But that hasn't stopped this fascinating genderqueer lesbian from
working with numerous renowned artists (like Lisa Bernstein and Kim Addonizio) and creating a body of work that says as much about politics as
most protest art without overtly saying anything. Her recent exhibition lovefull of lifeMojave Desert home -
shown at Art Queen Gallery in Joshua Tree, Calif., near her
is a series of paintings about non-het romantic love.
Her abstract, lyrical and petite pastels painted on sanded paper are, says Carraher, litde"altars to queer love" that couldn't exist without us."Without
queer girls, there would be no lovefull of life:'The most amusing must be the hilarious "blue-ball'd butch'' ( top left). Carraher laughs when she recounts
its origination. "There was this, uh, moment where let's just say I was frustrated sexually, and my cruel mistress took no pity on me but instead improvised some lyrics about a blue-ball'd butch, sung to the tune of that old folk chestnut, 'Sweet Betsy from Pike: The image I ended up with proved to be
pretty provocative .... I've witnessed quite the variety of blushes, guffaws and consternation in response. I was initially apprehensive to put something
so blatant as the blue-ball'd butch on the poster for the show, but then I quit worrying about it. Some viewers get the subversive content and may be
grateful, or perhaps fearful for me. Others 'feel the love' but are, at the same time, mildly perplexed. Some just like the colors and never know what hit
'em. I feel that, as art, it succeeds:'
Check out this randy dandy or her must-read blog at jackadandy.net. - Diane Anderson-Minshall
Curvatures
Lesbian May Get Death Penalty
In one of the most bizarre and heinous crimes
to hit newsstands in late 2005, a deaf lesbian
Wright's relationship with Collins and the
murder was an act of jealousy.
stands accused of murdering another (allegedly heterosexual) deaf woman in Sioux Falls,
The story reveals a couple of unique and
noteworthy trends. The fact that Wright is
using her deafness as a possible loophole to
South Dakota. The victim's body parts were
found in different states, her legs and arms in
walk away from the charges will no doubt be
carefully examined. A taped admittance that
puts the victim and the accused in the same
location on the day of the murder was sup-
South Dakota and her torso in Minnesota.
The autopsy discovered that the victim, 42year-old Darlene VanderGiesen, was either
suffocated or beaten over the head.
This month, 43-year-old Daphne Wright
will stand trial for kidnapping and murdering VanderGiesen and prosecutors will seek the death penalty. Wright pleaded not
guilty to the charges, but has been the lead suspect since bone
fragments, muscle, and fat that matched the victim's DNA were
found in Wright's basement just over a week after the murder.
From the moment she was arrested, police say Wright's story did
not match up. She first told authorities she did not see the victim
on the day of the murder, then later admitted they had met at a
Pizza Hut to discuss a surprise Valentine's Day party they were
planning to throw for Wright's girlfriend, Sallie Collins.
Police believe that VanderGiesen was trying to break up
February 4 - 11
(J
SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST A GAY SKI WEEK
LADIES
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posedly shot with no sign language translator and Wright's lawyers are trying to substantiate that it should not be used in court because Wright
did not understand what exactly was being asked. The law may
decide in her favor, as the court is required to provide a translator and any breach in police or court proceedings renders the
legitimacy of the evidence useless.
In a largely heterosexist (and quite possibly homophobic)
state like South Dakota, it is also interesting that sexuality is
only a sidebar in this story. In fact, it is the hearing disability
that has taken centerstage in the news coverage. Should lesbians be happy that this one may not go down in our history
books? - Allison Steinberg
characters did
you miss last fall?
Dana37%
Shane27%
Alice16%
Bette11%
Thenewgirl 5%
Jenny3%
Max/Moira1%
Froma Curvemag.com
pollin
October
2006
Curvatures
Lesbofile
Brangelina's Got Our Back
Are Brad and Angelina really on our side or just a little commitment phobic? I ByJocelynVoo
Miss Cleo's out of the closet, while Annie Leibovitz
has one foot in and one out. Who knows who's gay
these days?
Pitt Falls of Marriage
With three babies already in tow, AngelinaJolie
and BradPitthave the world wondering (and the
The NewsweekarticledetailsLeibovitz'srelationship
with her,m~ntioningSontagby name 15 times, but
neverthe words "partner,""lover,""gay"or "lesbian."
Hard-hittingnews?You decide.
tabloids speculating) when they're going to officially
settle down. ''.Angieand I will consider tying the knot
when everyone else in the country who wants to be
married is legally able;' Pitt told Esquiremagazine in
Trumpisn't
its October issue. But billionaire Donald
buying it. "Maybe [Pitt's] just come up with an excellent way to stay a bachelor;'T rump writes on his blog.
"It makes him look really concerned about the plight
of other people. Yet at the same time, he doesn't have
to get married. This guy is smarter than I thought:'
The Cards Don't Lie
MissCleo,everyone's favorite fraudulent late-night
infomercial psychic, has come out of the closet.
Cleo, or Youree Dell Cleomili Harris, is best
known for dominating the 1 a.m. slot in the late
'90s and early '00s, urging viewers in an impenetrable Jamaican accent to call her psychic 900 number.
But it wasn't the stars that inspired her to come
out; instead, it was her teenage godson. "When he
made the decision, I told him I'd be there to support him 100 percent, and he embraced [coming
out] wholeheartedly;' Harris tells the Advocate."I
thought, I can't be a hypocrite. This boy is going
to force me to put my money where my mouth is:•
Why she didn't see this coming is anyone's guess.
Picture Perfect?
A September cover of Newsweek featured Annie
Leibovitz,billed as 'J\merica's foremost celebrity
photographer;' who shot such iconic photos as
a nude and very pregnant DemiMooreand the
Jackson's
bustier during 2004's Superbowl halftime,
world's first glimpse of SuriCruise.The article is
he lamely blamed a "wardrobe malfunction:• Fast
resplendent in photos, both her work and candids
forward two years to an episode of FX's Nip/Tuck
taken of her extended family, three children and
where RosieO'Donnell
goes topless. No malfunc-
"the person she was closest to for that decade and a
tion. In an October episode, The View co-host plays
As
the late writer and critic SusanSontag:'
a woman who visits Dr. Christian Troy (played by
Gawker.com notes, the article details Leibovitz's
JulianMcMahon)
to get liposuction - with a little
relationship with her, mentioning Sontag by name
15 times, but never the words "partner;• "lover;'
ing a flesh-colored tube top during the love scene, but
"gay"or"lesbian:' Hard-hitting news? You decide.
the cloth came up during screen tests. Solution? The
half -
sex on the side. O'Donnell was supposed to be wear-
talk show queen whipped it off and gave McMahon
The Naked Truth
an eyeful."Nice boobs;' he reportedly told O'Donnell.
When JustinTimberlake
ripped off part of Janet Who says chivalry is dead?
1s
I
curve
Come on Baby, You Know You Want To
Despite rumors that Penelope
Cruzis now dating
Orlando
Bloom,
ardent fan and drag king extraordinaire MurrayHillwon't take no for an answer. Clad
in a tan polyester tux and a paste-on mustache,
Hill was seen blatantly hitting on Cruz at a Paper
magazine party thrown for her and Academy
"They
Award-winning director PedroAlmodovar.
tell me you and I would like each other;' Hill said,
according to the New York Daily News, then tried
to swap numbers with the Spanish beauty. It's unknown whether Cruz handed over her digits, but
she was still woman enough to pose for a photo. ■
Curvatures
Key West's
Distinctive Resortfor U1>men
Making No Compromise
Margaret Caroline Anderson, a lesbian, anarchist and pivotal figure in
both last century's Parisian literary
scene and American and European
modernism, gets her due in an exhibit at Yale's prestigious Beinecke
budget. Standing proud
on the display shelf at the
Beinecke, sporting brightly
hued covers of orange, red,
gold and blue, each has the
trademark block lettering
and the infamous tagline
"Making No Compromise
with the Public Taste:'
Rare Book and Manuscript Library.
"Making No Compromise," a collection of manuscripts, letters, personal
papers and photographs documents
Anderson's life in both the US and
eventually Paris. By association, it
also highlights the intimate circle of
women she cultivated, among them Elizabeth
Jenks Clark, Georgette Leblanc, Colette, H.D,
Natalie Barney, Kathryn Hulme, Solica Solano
and Janet Flanner.
Between 1914-1929, Anderson's pioneering art
and lit magazine, The Little Review, published poetry, criticism and artwork by many of the 20th century's significant writers and artists. A writer hersel£ Anderson was known for her strong opinions
and wit. In addition, she was a feminine beauty who
had many famous lovers - Solano and Flanner
among chem. Yeeit was her relationship in love and
business with dashing butch Jane Heap that helped
shape literature's future.
Each small issue of the Little Review was a labor
of love for the women, often done on a shoestring
to provide
Determined
the best possible content
for her discerning readers,
Anderson published the
likes of Gertrude Stein, Ezra Pound, Pablo Picasso,
Man Ray, Mina Loy, T.S. Eliot, and Sylvia Beach.
Most famously, the Little Review printed a serial
version of James Joyce's controversial work Ulysses,
which caused both scandal and financial hardship
for the magazine when the book was deemed "obscene" by the United States Post Office.
Tirza True Latimer, a Yale professor specializing in the history of visual and queer culture, says,
"During its 15-year life span, the Little Review introduced literature and art that found no ocher public
platform in America, and, in some cases, the world:'
Latimer says that by advocating against censorship
and promoting advocacy for social causes including
gay rights, the magazine developed a political edge,
"pioneering a form of activism:' - Rachel Pepper
Lisa Whitehead's Forbidden Fantasy
Award-winning,
renovated,
historic
property
38 rooms & suites
2 pools
2 hot tubs
The Strand restaurant
Concierge services
Terrific staff
Pearl's Patio poolside bar
"Photography is a big part
of me; it helps me co express
myself;' says 20-year-old
whose
Lisa Whitehead,
work has appeared m
Digital Photo, The Guardian
and several ocher publications in her native England.
"You will see some pieces of
my work are quite dark and
moody, a bit edgy:'
Yep, "edgy" is one way
to describe her sultry series of lesbian fantasy photos, which catapulted her into the public eye after
being banned from her end-of-year exhibition
at Stratford College. After two months of work
for the show - Whitehead's first attempt at a
mixed-media piece - the images were deemed "too
explicit:' Despite the setback, Whitehead is fiercely
and rightfully proud of the photos citing them as
her most exciting project to date. An out lesbian
since the tender age of 15, Whitehead doesn't strike
us as the kind of gal who would shy away from a
little controversy. See more at lisawhicehead.co.uk.
-
Catherine
Plato
bl t) il C
',..,nltics,
1
s,)
www.pearlsrainbow.com
1.800.749.6696 • 525 United Street
KeyWest, Florida 33040
January/February 2007
I 19
.ri
,-j
:\j
::i
1 Mary Liddel (left) from Options for Sexual Health and Melissa Egan from YouthCo
AIDS Society at Vancouver, B.C:s Aquired Taste, a YouthCo fundraiser 2 Ellen Huang
(left), the Wau Wau Sisters and comic Scott Thompson at Queer Lounge Toronto 3 Jennifer
Coolidge (left) and Parker Posey at Queer Lounge Toronto 4 Sexy revelers rockin' the CURVE
Halloween Ball in honor of November cover girl Michelle Wolff5 Very sexy (but apparently
organic) femmebots dance for the crowd at Girl2Girl in Seattle 6 More of those party girls
at the CURVE Halloween Ball at Julie's Supper Club in San Francisco 7 Laura Linney (center)
and a bevy of fans at the HRC Dinner in Minneapolis 8 Drinking up with the lovely lasses
at Girl2Girl Seattle
-:::
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9 Seven of POWER UP's Ten Amazing Gay Women in Showbiz (from left): attorney Dina
LaPolt, CURVE's
executive editor Diane Anderson~Minshall, here! TV's Meredith Kadlec,Jenny
Shimizu, AfterEllen's Sarah Warn, Outfest's Kristen Schaeffer, and FX's Stephanie Gibbons
10 Anderson~Minshall at POWER UP's Power Premiere in Beverly Hills 11 Sandwiched
by the women of Dante's Cove (from left): Thea Gill, Erin Cummings, Anderson~Minshall and
~
rls
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Michelle Wolff 12 Celebrity reps (and recent Oprah stars) Carole Antouris and Nikkie Weiss at
POWER UP 13 Jenny Shimizu (left) and filmmaker JD Disalvatore at the POWER premiere
14 Alison Zawacki (left) and Debbie Wells at Haunted Women's Week at Holly's Place in Lake
Tahoe 15 South of Nowhere'shotties 16 LaPolt (right) and guest at POWER UP 17 Girls are
1
S (cheerleading) associate editor Catherine Plato
a fright at Women's Week, including CURVE
Advice
Ask Fairy Butch
PICK-UP
LINES THAT
WILL NOT
WORK
The Parade of Babes Begins
A playeris only as good
as her game- how
weak is your pitch?
Granted,anythingmay
beatthe openingvolley
of "What'syour sign?";
however,if you're dishing any of thesesorry
lines,you deserveto go
homealone.
The Classic Yet
Useless: "Excuseme,
I seemto havelost my
phonenumber- could
I haveyours?"
"Yourbody'sname
must beVISA,because
it's everywhereI want
to be."
Too Much Info: "I'm
packinglike a U-Haul,
baby.Wannamakea
move?"
"Do you like doinghome
improvement?Because
I'd like to show you my
Snap-ontools."
The Back-Handed
Compliment: "You
might not be the best
lookinggirl here,but
beautyis only a light
switch away."
"Baby,the moreI drink,
the betteryou look."
TV Isn't Sexy: "The
L-wordof the day is
'legs.' Let's go backto
my placeand spreadthe
word.''
Do You Kiss Your
Mama With That
Mouth?
"If your left leg was
Thanksgivingand your
right leg was Christmas,
could I visit you between
the holidays?"
"Are you a cunning
linguist?"- KateLacey
Dear Fairy Butch: My ex-girlfriend is now my roommate. We were living together as lovers for two and a
half years and doing okay - until she cheated on me
with her ex-girlfriend. She confessed to iJ, but only at
the point where the ex was threatening to blow the lid
off her secret. So far, she says she has only cheated on
me the one time. She tells me she loves me, but she has
realized within the last several months that she needs
to know that she has the freedom to see other women if
she wants. I don't think I can deal with her seeing other
women right now because I am still attracted to her.
I value our friendship, which brought us together
in the first place, and at this time I don't want to and
financially can't afford to move out. Yet I know that I
am facing a not too distant future that is going to hurt
like hell. How do I get through this? How do lovers
become friends? - Fearful in Frankfurt
Dear Fearful: Sugar, I would do absolutely anything I could
to move out of that place of residence as soon as possible
- before she starts the Parade of Babes. I don't know how
possible this is for you, but if there is any way for you to make
this happen, I suggest you give it the old college try. You say
that you can't afford to move, which I can certainly understand,
one else; it is interesting how one can just feel this.
Putting all anger aside for now, I just genuinely miss
her and still love her. Thanks for listening. - Heartache
in the Heartland
but electing to stay there when you need to go is only going
to exacerbate the pain you're feeling now and may feel in the
future. You need to create some distance between yourself and
that particular spectacle, especially since she hasn't shown her-
Dear Heartache: I'm so sorry to hear you're hurtin: darling.
No matter what the distance may be, there is rarely anything
quite as eviscerating to the human heart as the end of an inti-
self to be particularly respectful of your feelings or of the relationship you've shared.
How do you get through this:' You gather your friends, keep
them as close to you as possible. You schedule friendship dates
with them, let them love you and cry on their shoulders. Watch
movies. Exercise. Take walks. Put her presents and love notes
in a box that you hide from yourself for the time being. See a
counselor or your clergyperson. Fill your days with structure
and as much activity as is comfortable for you. Get a massage.
Get a home-cooked meal from your friends or your family.
As for becoming friends, that will likely take time, and as I
said, some space. It might be easier once you've started dating
other folks as well, when you're ready. Be as kind as you can
be to one another and honest with one another as well during
this process. That will lay a base for a better friendship in the
future, sugar.
Dear Fairy Butch: I know that you've heard this one
a billion times, but my girlfriend dumped me for
another woman. Granted, she had moved away and
neither of us really wanted a long distance relationship, but when she found someone else, the reality of
no longer being together really set in. Though we are
500 miles away, I could sense that she was with some-
22
Icurve
mate relationship. I think that long distance relationships can
be dicey indeed unless there is a careful plan in place to keep it
afloat. I think that sometimes it can be a way to make a break
that is otherwise too difficult to put in effect. In any case, hang
in there, take good care of yourself. Be relieved by the fact that
at least the whole town will be your oyster.
Dear Fairy Butch: I am a 36-year-old self-identified lesbian who has not had sex with a woman yet. I have
been thinking about the kinds of things I would like to
try and dildo sex figures prominently. Can you tell me:
Is dildo sex as physically pleasurable for the woman
on top? - Newbie in New Jersey
Dear Newbie: Welcome to the fold! There are a number
of things that a woman can do to make wielding a strap-on
a whole lot of fun, most involving clitoral stimulation and/ or
penetration, whether vaginal or anal. Perhaps I'll go into more
depth, so to speak, on this in another column, but in the meantime, check out my book, The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex:
A CompleteGuidefor Women and Men! ■
E-mailJb@fairyhutch.comwith your queriesregardinglesbianlife,
sexualityand romance.
Lipstick & Dipstick
Advice
Gee, I Think My Daughter is Gay
the bleeding after you tear the bandage off, which,
I promise, is the hardest part. 1, 2, 3, pull!
Dipstick: Lipstick is right; to your homophobic
father, there is no such thing as breaking it to him
gently. For some reason, your father's life lesson is
to learn how to deal with lesbians. But you have to
remember that it's his cross, not yours. You have
every right to live your life out, proud and free. But
before you tell him, make sure you don't need his
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: After catching
his ex-wife in bed with a woman years ago,
my Dad's a bit homophobic. He won't allow
my bisexual half-sister to bring her girlfriend
to the house. For years I've tried to keep the
peace between them, all the while hiding my
own secret: I'm a lesbian. How can I tell him
gently? - Dealing With Dad
arms again, I realized I'd made a terrible mistake,
and the shortstop had moved on to the catcher.
Trust me on this one: if Tina's really your friend,
give her the opportunity to find true love.
Lipstick: Pity Please, you're suffering from I Can't
Have It So I Wane It syndrome. Very common. The
cause is still unknown, but many speculate it's tied
to lack of direction. The symptoms are the same
financial support. I'd hate for you to end up with
the other gay and lesbian youth on the streets.
across the board: acute passive-aggressive behavior (especially when alcohol's involved), fantasies
without execution and isolated call dodging. This
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I live in a small
town where everything is limited, especially
affliction is also giving you the impression you really
want her again, another side effect. The best way to
manage it is to avoid the trigger - in this case, Tina
girls. So my best friend, Tina, asked me out,
- and to figure out what you want in life.
and I said yes although I wasn't that interested. After a while, I got bored and broke
up with her. But now when she talks about
her new girl, I feel jealous and get a pit in my
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My adult daughter has hinted that she's a lesbian. I want to
ask her directly, but I don't know if I should.
stomach. What do I do? - Pity Me Please
She seems to be struggling with many areas
in her life, and I think the source of her stress
Lipstick: Have you ever had a Band-Aid stuck
to your forearm? You learned the hard way not to
pull it off slowly, right:' The same lesson applies
Dipstick: Listen to your first instincts, Pity
Please. It's the most common breakup scenario
here. Rip the damn thing off as quickly as possible. His reaction won't be affected by how gradually you lift your cover because Dad's homophobia
in the books to suddenly wane her after she has
a new girl. Why, even Dipstick went through chis
is real, as is the resentful fear at its root; he got
chose prejudices the hard way - seeing his wife
once. I became bored dating someone who really
should've been no more than a friend. The chemistry just wasn't there, so we broke up. Then she
between a pair of sexy legs. So let him carry his
own baggage while you do the best you can, stand-
started dating the shortstop on her softball team.
Well, wouldn't you know it, jealous little Dipstick
ing in the truth of who you are. You can deal with
begged her to come back. But once she was in my
is this issue, yet I want to respect her privacy.
What should I do? - Mom of the Year
Lipstick: You kick ass! If only all dykes had moms
like you. While I celebrate your hipness, I'll warn
you about opening the door too soon. Back in my
good ole closeted days, if my parents had confronted me, I would have: 1) freaked out and 2)
lied. "What! Of course I'm not gay! I'm a sorority girl for Christ's sake!" Sexuality is complicated,
and coming out to oneself - even if you're already
sleeping with women - takes time. Listen to chat
little voice and wa. until she's ready to tell.
Dipstick: I have to disagree with you on this one,
Lip. If there's one thing Dipstick learned in her
years working with gay and lesbian youth, it's that
coming out to parents is the hardest thing they'll
ever do. I suggest you bring up the topic with your
daughter, but in a way that assures her you're fine
with it. For example: "Mrs. Johnson's son just came
out, and she's having a really hard time. But I want
you to know that if you or your brothers are gay, I
would have no problem with it. I love you unconditionally:' And if she's a little coward like Lipstick
and still doesn't come out to you, don't worry, she'll
come around and tell you when she's ready. ■
Ask us anything about sex, loveor lesbiansat lipstick
dipstick.com.
January/February 2007
I 23
Advice
Astro Grrl
Testing New Waters
You ache Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Sex:Girlfriends get you into all sorts of mischief this
for a January. Aqueerians should dip a toe into new social
pools. Heck, why not just dive in and get wet:' Career:
relationship Money comes and money goes. How far will it go:'
and will How far will you go to get it:' Stay tuned ...
find one Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Sex:You are shocking this January. But don't keep it all
that hits to yourself. Plug into a few new sockets and electrify
your love life. Is that a pink bulb:' Career:Guppies are
your G spot. I given new professional opportunities to explore if they
Tryto hit can get off their easy chairs. Don't wait.
the full Aries (March 21-April 19)
Sex:Make a New Year's resolution to improve your
alphabet love life. Will you find her at the office, among your gal
pals or on vacation:' The answer is yes, yes and oh, yes!
as the year Career:Nothing charges up a career like a little bit of
elbow grease. Rams have quite a bit of it this January. Whip
progresses. up
into a lather and slide up the ladder.
it
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Sex:You are lucky, lusty and in love this January and can reek~
Aqueerians
shoulddip
a toe into
new social
pools.
Heck,
why not
just divej
in and
get wet?
lessly charge ahead. Will you be a Sapphic Bull in a china shop:'
Remember, honey: You break her heart, you buy it. Career:
You
always think the best of people. Some of them don't deserve it.
Give all business opportunities the smell test now.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Sex:You ache for a relationship and will find one that hits
your G spot. Try to hit the full alphabet as the year progresses.
Career:Surprises on the job come to you like a bolt out of
the blue. Early retirement, anyone:' Maybe you'll find a well~
endowed benefactress instead.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Sex:You may find the lady of your dreams this January, but
be sure to enter into a relationship fully awake with your eyes
open. Career:Money may be tight in January. You will have to
learn to budget and save your pennies. Who's Penny:' Why not
let her treat you:'
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Sex:Sex will be shocking and surprising this January. Good; it
will keep you on your toes. But avoid antics in the bath when
you are using electronics. Career:
Lionesses are surprisingly less
confident in their professional prowess now. But it is all in your
head. Keep your worries to yourself and put on a good show.
24
Icurve
you settle down:' Career:There are too many distractions
at work this January. Some of them are fun and frivolous.
Lucky girl.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Sex:Girlfriends may be jealous of all your many admirers.
You have too many to choose from anyway. Why not spread
the wealth:' Career:Expect changes on the job. Some are very
surprising, some are a relief and some are a bit of both. How
to choose:'
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Sex:A romance sweeps you off your feet. Whoopee! Pack a
pillow for the eventual landing. Career:Continued setbacks
in your career have you reappraising your corporate path.
Sometimes a detour is the fastest way. Or maybe you could just
park for a while:'
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Sex:Cool your jets before you take off in a new relationship.
She will shake your foundations. Do you have the proper
earthquake insurance:' Career:You are full of spit and fire this
January and prepared to show the powers that be what you can
do. Remember: Spit douses fire. Take it slowly.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Sex:Do you have any hidden secrets that need to be released
and aired out:' Of course you do! Sometimes showing your
dirty laundry is sexy. Career:You make a sterling first impres~
sion with top tier glitterati this January. Will it glitter as bronze,
silver or gold:' ■
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Sex:Relationships will have their ups and downs but settle
For more advice from the stars, visit our astrologer, Charlene
down toward the end of the month. The real question: Will
Lichtenstein, online at thestarryeye.com.
CELEBRATECURVE ON
THE L WORD
ISSUE RELEASE+ L WORD STARS+ EPISODEPREVIEW
W HOTELSAN FRANCISCOSATURDAY,JANUARY13, 2007
TICKETS AT CURVEMAG.COM
@@[f
We're two demanding, high-strung lesbians from San Francisco.
She's a social worker here to unwind from an overwhelming
caseload; I'm an anxious writer looking to serenely celebrate my
birthday. We've brought a gym bag full of sex toys, and we're
desperate to relax. But can we? By Heather Boerner
Sure, Harbin Hot Springs, located atop a hill in che arid region just north of Californias Napa Valley, has
all the trappings of a dyke oasis. It boasts a large vegetarian kitchen for the crafting of communal meals,
an organic restaurant, daily yoga classes, miles of hiking trails, a full-service spa and even nightly movies
including Margaret Cho's Notorious C.H.O. Harbin's got a coffee bar and a market in case you forgot
your Tom's all-natural toothpaste or want a honey-sweetened chocolate truffle. There are booths where
you can indulge your shopping jones if you like batik sarongs and toe rings. Most important, there are
four natural spring cubs: two warm, one scalding and one arctic.
Like most dykes, we're frugal, and Harbin is accommodating. You can stay on the cheap by camping
or you can opt, as we did, for a hotel room. Save money by choosing a half-bath or no bathroom, and by
staying in the middle of the week, when it's less expensive and crowded.
But Harbin also boasts straights - lots of them. From the curt woman who checked us in to the
kind man who gave me a massage, there are straights everywhere. On the weekend, the cubs are packed
elbow-co-elbow with them. Harbin also prohibits some of the finer things in life, like alcohol, drugs and
cell phones. If you're looking co party, look elsewhere. If you want to run and scream, cake it to town. But
QuickFacts
•••••••••••••••••
Harbin Hot Spr"ngs
18424 Harbin Springs Rd.,
Middletown, Calif.
Information and
Reserv ·on •
707-987-24 77
California toll-free:
800-622-2477
Harbin.org
Challenge One:
Rooms range from $30 a
night to camp to $250 a
night for your own cottage.
All visitors who use the
tubs must pay for a "mem-
Upon arrival, we suspiciously eyed the nearly naked. Clothes were flung on: cotton drawstring pants on
the men, falling off and exposing hipbones; loosely tied sarongs or gauze dresses on the women, floating
bership." A one-month
membership is $10.
if you want co inject some relaxation into your life and reconnect with your honey, welcome to Harbin.
That's not to say our relaxation was automatic.
over braless breasts and panty-free butts.
We noted what seemed co be overt gender roles: women with long hair, men with short, women in
dresses, men in pants. Where did this leave us? I'm as femme as the next girl but my girlfriend, George,
is not. With short hair, a sports bra and wardrobe comprised of boxer-briefs and the Gap men's department, George is anything but your typical hippie flower.
Naturally, she had a harder time than I did transitioning from clothed San Francisco dyke to naked
January/February 2007
I 27
hippie lesbian. When we visited Harbin two years ago, George
for immediate expulsion from Harbin," the couple was clearly
was somewhat traumatized by being engaged in small talk by a
having sex. They grunted softly and gyrated in that familiar way.
guy she vaguely recalled from college. They were both naked. It
George and I tried to move away but were pinned in by the guy
was a special moment.
next to us and the massage therapists giving water massages, called
Watsu, in the middle of the pool.
So when we arrived this time, we stripped off our clothes but
defenses didn't fall so easily. We'd been in the tub for 20 minutes
On the far wall were the lurkers. They were lined up, like they'd
when we discovered that someone had stolen George's flip-flops.
been caught up a tree with binoculars. Forty-something and bald-
She was enraged.
"Damn straights!" she bellowed over and over again. "You can't
trust'em!"
We spent dinner playing foot patrol with everyone who walked
ing, they didn't miss a beat. They knew the couple next to us was
having sex. They noted the protruding nipple of the woman who
getting a Watsu massage.
past. When we returned to the pool, her flip-flops had reappeared.
And yes, they noticed the big-breasted lesbians hugging each
other on the side of the pool.
Challenge Two:
that a curly-haired man was removing his man-skirt and tropical
If you're visiting a place designed for nakedness, you shouldn't be
print blouse. He got in the tub and sat on the steps. For the next
surprised when people look at your body. And we weren't surprised. Heck, I love being naked and don't mind the attention.
45 minutes, he stared. He didn't waver, he didn't seem to meditate.
A few days later, we saw in the shadows beside another pool
But there's a difference between looking and gawking, and some
of the straight men at Harbin haven't quite worked out the difference yet.
Case in point: Our first day, we stood in the large warm pool
next to a straight couple. Clasping each other under a sign reading,
"Sexual activity of any kind or unwelcome advances are grounds
2s
I curve
He watched George gently swirl me around the tub. He watched
me reciprocate.
At one point, I leaned in to George and suggested, "We should
give him a show. I'll grab your boobies, you grab my boobies, we'll
make out and get kicked out of here:'
He left before we could. "I guess he went to cruise another tub,"
George cracked.
He may have been the same guy who, earlier that night, elicited alarm from a middle-aged
woman sharing our tub. After he left, she came
over and said, "Did he give you the willies, too? He
gave me the willies!"
I don't know if it was him. Like a caged animal
or a subway commuter in New York, I never make
eye contact. God forbid he tries to engage me in
conversation, and ifI see an erect penis, I'm out of
there. So instead, I choose a world of denial. He's
not really fixated on the angle of my hips as I lean
into George. No, he's ... meditating. He's looking
at the stars. He's staring into space.
Eventually, it became a sport. Is that guy facing
the side of the pool to relax or to hide an erection?
Is that guy meditating or watching my breasts
mash against George's? Is that guy sitting close to
us unconcerned about personal space, or does he
wants to be our third?
were delicious. Adapted to the nudity, I only smiled when I saw
Verdict:
my massage therapist naked in the hot pool. We nodded and
By the end of the week, we'd become the naked people we
closed our eyes.
scowled at upon arrival. We played Scrabble under umbrellas on
And most important, the trip was worth it when, after the
hot days in nothing but loungewear as a man with long hair wear-
lurkers left, my girlfriend wrapped her legs around my waist
ing a tiny skirt watered plants.
and floated backward. I watched the light from the pool speck-
We spent afternoons in our room reading, dozing and having
sex. We retired early from the tubs for the same purpose. We saw
led across her belly, making the tiny air bubbles clinging to her
abdomen sparkle.
a buck out our bathroom window the first morning. The meals
I could get used to being a naked hippie lesbian. And Harbin. ■
FREEDOM
STARTED
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In addition to our famous historical sites and
cultural attractions, Philadelphia and The
Countryside® boasts a gay neighborhood with
scores of gay-friendly restaurants, clubs, theaters
and shops. You are warmly invited to spend a
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the freedom to live life as they choose.
To plan your next trip ...
goph la. om/gay
Tutankhamen
and the Golden Age
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2007 Philadelphia
Flower Show
Legends of Ireland
Feb 3rd - Sept 27th
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Philadelphia's R Family Vacation
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March 9th - 11th
Book through: rfamilyvacations.com
PhiladelphiaGay
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Bucks *
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Philadelphia Counties
January/February
2007
I 29
,n
C
■-
MANDY CARTER, NORTH CAROLINA
She may have been born in Albany, N.Y., but there's very little
northerner left in Mandy Carter, a nationally acclaimed social
justice activist who has spent the past 23 years in Durham,
N.C., fighting homophobia in a plethora of ways. She may be
best recognized as a co-founder of the LGBT advocacy group
Southerners On New Ground, aka SONG, but let's not
forget her Nobel Prize nomination in 2005 as part of the"l,000
Women for Peace;' or her more than 10-year fight to unseat
Sen.Jesse Helms, R-NC, for which she was named one of Ms.
magazine's Uppity Women.
"When you make an impact in the South, it just has a
greater and longer impact because it's not expected to happen here;' said Carter. "Look at civil rights. Despite all of that
incredible oppression, we still prevailed. There are moments
that appear we may be going backwards, but we are moving
forward too, and I'll always remain an optimist:'
□
..J
DR. JILL DOLAN, TEXAS
Lesbian theater and performance in America today has been
ow
:::s
...
ABC's Good Morning America, CBS's Early Show and the syndicated Dr. Phil Show, often discussing her landmark litigation.
'J\lthough you can't tell by the accents of most residents,
Florida is very much part of the Deep South;' says Doering. "I
like to say that Florida is to the LGBT civil rights movement
what Alabama and Mississippi were to the African-American
civil rights movement - ground zero. The good news about
being in Florida is that if we succeed here, we know we can
succeed anywhere!"
KATHLEEN WOMACK, GEORGIA
Thirty years ago, Kathleen Womack achieved fame as a young
U.S. National Parks Ranger when she had a cave passageway named after her because of her spelunking activities in
Kentucky's Mammoth Cave.
Today, attorney Womack employs the same adventurous
characteristics as she trailblazes her way through litigating
domestic partnership issues for the Atlanta LGBT community. She's also a longtime activist and community volunteer
who's served in executive positions for the Stonewall Bar
The times they are a--changing in the South, and these powerhouse
Southern dykes are just the tip of the iceberg. .l)ySheryl.K.ay
II■-
:(
laregely defined by the research work of Dr. Jill Dolan, the
Zachary T. Scott Family Chair in Drama at the University of
Texas in Austin. Author of numerous books and critical essays
on dyke favorites including Wendy Wallerstein, Peggy Shaw
and Showtime's The L Word, Dolan describes Austin as a "lib-
Association and the Human Rights Campaign, and she's currently chair of the political committee for Georgia Equality.
Womack, echoing Dolan, called Atlanta a "big blue city
in the middle of a big red state:' She conceded that while
being an out lesbian attorney there has in no way hampered
eral oasis in an otherwise very, very red state:' Still, she has had
to face challenges from students who come from all over Texas
and often bring fanatical right-wing ideas with them.
''I've never had so many students 'come out' in my classes
her career (in fact, it may have helped it), life for lesbians in
rural Georgia isn't real peachy. Still, she says, "I don't know if
their hesitance or fear is justified, but if they would all just
come out, it will only get easier for all of us as straight people
around the state realize that they have LGBT neighbors:'
as religious;' she says. "That's a bit unnerving for me:'
Being a lesbian in the South, she says, brings its own very
unique identity crisis of "being an outsider, because of the
increasingly virulent anti-gay legislation and discourse, and at
the same time, feeling at home in a place that's insistent about
30
Icurve
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5
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t
DR. ELLEN RIGGLE, KENTUCKY
~
KAREN DOERING, FLORIDA
For the past 15 years, Dr. Ellen Riggle has attempted
to fulfill a mission to disseminate accurate information
about same-sex partners in America. Riggle has authored
numerous books reflecting her scholarly research through
studies both countrywide and from her home base at the
When she's not teaching law at Stetson Law School in St.
Petersburg, Fla., Karen Doering does her best to defend and
protect the laws for gay women all over the country as senior
counsel for the National Center for Lesbian Rights. Many of
her cases have achieved national prominence as she contin-
University of Kentucky, noting that a national knowledge
base serves as a wealth of information that can influence
public policies and affirmative public services.
Riggle says negative stereotypes about Kentucky are just
that: stereotypes. But she acknowledged significant challenges
f
ues to fight state and federal legal battles on behalf of samesex marriage and partner benefits, gay adoptions, and sexual
orientation, race and gender discrimination lawsuits.
Doering has appeared on numerous TV shows, including
still exist down South, in great part due to religious fanaticism.
"Religious extremism definitely plays a large role in creating a toxic environment for young LGBT persons growing up in Kentucky;' she says. And that's what keeps her
its own difference from the rest of the states:'
C
r::
J
:!.
~
?
_
researching there.
"It's important for research to be conducted in all areas
"Being gay is the least remarkable thing about me;' she says.
"My successes in life have come as a result of drive and dedica-
of the U.S., not just on the coasts;' she says. "We chink that
tion to achieve at a high level. But I also know that I'm able to
chert is a lot to learn from these couples about creating com-
do my best work when I can operate as a whole person -
mitted, nurturing, satisfying relationships in a challenging
social context:'
hiding my sexuality,not flaunting it, but just being who I am:'
DR. MINNIE BRUCE PRATT, VIRGINIA
A Southerner to the core, Dr. Glenda Elliott experienced
Southern-inspired
not
DR. GLENDA ELLIOTT, ALABAMA
feminist and lesbian poetry is synony-
during her 20-year teaching tenure at the University of
mous with Dr. Minnie Bruce Pratt, an Alabama native who
Alabama all of the charm and all of the prejudices that come
has spent much of her 60 years writing about all forms of
with life in the South. It wasn't always easy.
oppression and racism. Her accolades are endless, includ-
"Remaining closeted for the most part in my profes-
ing recognition from the New York Times and the Academy
sional life was a drain on my energy and damaging to my
sense of authenticity as a person;' Elliott says.
of Poets for her book Crime Against Nature, fellowships
from the National Endowment for the Arts, and a Lambda
Literary Award for Poetry.
work developing designated counseling
Years ago, says Pratt, life for the LGBT communities
and social services for the college-aged LGBT community.
in the South was horrific, with people being committed to
Today her paradigms, particularly her Safe Zone program,
mental institutions and consistently high suicide rates. She
are used at universities across the country.
recalled her own personal tragedy when her two sons were
The South is still a bastion of prejudice and hate, Elliott
taken away from her during a contentious divorce with their
says, but she's quick to point to other states that are now pass-
father, simply because she was an out lesbian.
ing anti-gay marriage amendments and refusing to include
Today, however, she sees improvement through special-
y
Still she persevered, using her experiences to help in her
groundbreaking
ized social services that are geared toward helping lesbians
sexual orientation clauses in their hate crime legislation.
"I believe our whole country has a long way to go:'
and gays down South and through social concerns shared
1
1
by all segments of society.
"The people in my hometown of 1,500 are reading my
DR. KARLA DRENNER, GEORGIA
When she signs her letters "love and light;' Dr. Karla Drenner
f
books now;' she says. "I never thought that would happen:'
e
JONI MADISON, NORTH CAROLINA
cises that muscle every day as a representative in the Georgia
What do Audi, Sony and Travelocity have in common:' All
state House, recently re-elected for her fourth term.
is not attempting some touchy-feely sign-off, but rather
showing her belief in the power of positive change. She exer-
are successful companies that use the Durham, N.C.-based
ad agency McKinney and Silver, that in turn depends on the
Consistently recognized for her public and nonprofit
leadership efforts, she's garnered awards from Southern
:l
financial and business acumen of Chief Operating Officer
Voice, the Georgia League of Conservation Voters and the
n
Joni Madison.
Stonewall Bar Association; just this year she was named a
:l
h
worked her way up through the creative and production side
Although Drenner has seen a continued acceptance of
e
of advertising, becoming a vice president at McKinney in less
her sexuality from some of her fellow state representatives,
e
than 10 years. Today, she oversees all day-to-day operations
she cautions against complacency.
e
at the agency, including the upgrade of all information tech-
"I'd debate that things are really getting any better;' she says.
nology systems. She's also worked tirelessly for the Human
'Mer 137 years of Democratic rule in Georgia we're being sub-
Rights Campaign and today sics on its Board of Governors
jected for the first time to Republican dictatorship, and if that
and the Advisory Board for the YMCA.
continues, it will get worse here, especially for gay people'
Beginning as a freelance writer 20 years ago, Madison
Flemming Fellow by the Center for Policy Alternatives.
Good ale boys are alive and well down South, Madison
says, but she's used her knowledge of how they think and
BRENDA AND WANDA HENSON, MISSISSIPPI
work to her benefit. Her advice for success:' Be true to your-
When Katrina hit the shores of several Gulf Coast states
self and don't get caught up in labels.
Powerful Lesbians continued on pag1c71
January/February 2007
I 31
31 Super Sexy V-Day Gifts
Forget diamonds - why not get your girlfriend something you'll both enjoy?
Put It on,' Let Her Take It Off
Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit ($120), a fun,
Do it like the Pussycat Dolls: don one of
portable game (and last year's best-selling UK
Shirley of Hollywood's super seductive cor-
dance game) that lets you play stripper in just
sets, bustiers, robes and more. Our faves are a
60 seconds. Comes complete with garter, fake
vintage-looking Stretch Pink Stripe Bustier,
cash, a pole instruction manual and DVD.
Incredibly Soft and Fluffy Black Robe, Stripe
and Polka Dot Print Charmeuse Corset
There's also Peekaboo Poker: Truth, Dare, or
Style Baby Doll and Two Tone Heart Lace
with poker - the perfect game for sleepovers
Baby Doll. Most in sizes up to 3X. ($39 and
with your bi-curious sorority sisters. ($20,
up, shirleyofhollywood.com)
peekaboopalace.com)
Private Pleasures
The Gyrlz Gotta Have It
Owner Karyn Cook's curated toys are like art
Never one to be outdone on toys, Babeland
Bare that combines X-rated Truth or Dare
pieces from a sex museum. Even if you can't
offers a few delightful deals. Don't miss the
afford to spend $1,500 on the Lela Yva - the
Je Joue ($290), a vibe with sleek silicone
18K gold-plated luxury vibrator -
pads that quiver, twirl and vibrate accord-
Boudoir
has a host of incognito toys like the Lipstick
ing to programmed
Vibe ($25), Waterproof Vibrating Shower
and software lets you program the grooves
Scrunchie ($15) and Devine Toy Box ($45)
in black leather or pink. Or follow Kate
ranging from the five-minute Quickie to
Moss' lead and try Shiri Zinn's Minx, a pink
Emotional Bliss ($69 and up), a series of
a 20-minute
grooves. USB cable
Rock. Another
must: the
Swarovski crystal toy with fluffy tail and a sil-
elite woman-made vibes like the Jasmine
ver, engraved display stand ($300). Boudoir
has a wish list service; you can create a se-
and Isis, that will change your mind about
cret wish list to be e-mailed to your sweetie.
and don't want to scare her with new toys,
(boudoiressentials.com)
try one of Babeland's sexy new body prod-
sex toys forever. If you're only on date two
ucts like single serving massage bars, lickable
Equal Opportunity Orgasms
dust and oil, and mojito massage candles.
If Boudoir is the Tiffany of toys, Vibrator.
($10 and up, babeland.com)
com is the Target of the sex world. Everything
you could want is here, it's affordably funky
Indulge in the Bath First
and the aisles are clean and free of leering
Who needs Cupid when you have sweet
men. Many items, like the Vibrating Velvet
scents:' Try Lush's seduction-worthy massage
Corsette Harness ($51), Grrl Shorts Strap-
bars (Soft Coeur has gooey honey and cocoa
on Harness ($36) and the hands-down most
powder, Mange Too has white chocolate
fun toy, the Waterproof Jack Rabbit ($49),
are sold here for less than other stores.
and fresh bananas) or their provocative
Best bets for a good time are Bed of Roses
lush.com). And if you're off for a quickie,
gift set ($14), yummy Climax Fruit Bomb
take along scented Pleasure Wipes in mango,
Strawberry lube ($14) and the ultimate V-
strawberry or vanilla ($1, gswipes.com) just
in case things get, uh, messy.
Day gift, the Kama Sutra Lover's Paintbox.
pink Sex Bomb bath bomb ($6 and up,
At $42, the latter comes with rich dark, milk
and white chocolate pints and a sensual body
brush. (vibrator.com)
Video Eros
If all else fails, tune into the new lesbian rock
'n' roll erotica -
dirty ditties where music
New Adult Entertainment
takes a starring role like Carolyn Caizzi's
Forget porn, the Cone is really all the adult
hot dyke Coming Home ($30, early2bed
entertainment
you need. This super soft
pink silicone cone looks like modern art,
.com),
French
queer
film
One
Night
but with a big motor, 16 automated pro-
Stand (myspace.com/ onenightstandmovie)
and Erocktavision's Girls' Night In ($30,
grams and an orgasm button, it's more like
erocktavision.com). And if you like it really
hours of strange, hands-free fun. ($120, cone
dirty, try the gay male A Rim With a View's
zone.org). If you've still got energy, try the
groovysoundtrack jukebox feature. ■
Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit
Bed of Roses
January/February 2007
I33
Queer Femme Follies
These queer burlesque dancers are fighting their own sexual revolution, where
dykes are proud to be flirty and feminine in fishnet. By Lauren Marie Fleming
Queer women's events are being taken over by fishnets, feathers and follies.
upcoming documentary, GurlesqueBurlesque,Chicago's Sissy Butch Brothers
Everywhere you turn there are round rumps shaking, beautiful breasts twirling
examine the history and current revival of burlesque in the United States. To
and luscious ladies dancing. Not that I'm complaining; it's about time the queer
raise funds for their film, Red Vaughn Tremmel and Gwen Lis put on bur-
world embraced the burlesque renaissance that's happening, and I'm tickled
lesque shows in Chicago to audiences of more than 1,000 people. They say they
lavender that queer dancers of all varieties have teased their way into both the
hope to use their documentary to "tell a moving tale about an irreverent and
straight and queer performing worlds, leaving audiences begging for more.
powerful entertainment form that continues to raise important questions about
Of course, the hardest part of writing about queer women in burlesque
is defining "burlesque:' Most dancers couldn't even give me a solid definition.
women, their sexuality and their public power in American culture:'
Members of Vancouver's gender-bending troupe Stilettos and Strap-Ons
most organized and professional people I've ever met. Their hard work shows
laughed at me sadistically."Do you have four hours?"
in expertly choreographed numbers and extravagant costumes, all designed
On the West Coast, the members of the Diamond Daggers are some of the
Vidalia Paradise, of the San Francisco-based Diamond Daggers, offered
a little more help. "Burlesque has a histori-
by members of the troupe. Likewise, Miss Indigo Blue, founding member of
cal context . . . it's a certain kind of artistic
Seattle) and TwirlyGirl.net, a Web site that sells titillating pasties. The Red Hots
expression that is born of a vaudevillian
Burlesque troupe also has their own School of Shimmy, which enables people of
Seattle's BurlyQ has started both the successful Academy of Burlesque (also in
performance era that has components of a
all sizes, genders and colors to get a "Ph.D. in Take It Off-ology:' At the end of
ribald humor, an irreverence, fun-loving and
their four-week program, students join their teachers onstage at one of the Red
sometimes political nature:'
Hots' weekly performances. Nearly all do it in addition to holding"regular"jobs.
That's not what Websters says, but
They take their sexuality seriously as well. Many have backgrounds in sex
every dancer from every troupe I inter-
work, and dancers are often interested in debunking female sexual stereotypes
viewed seemed to fit into this definition.
with performances that also turn political. "Burlesque dance is a powerful form
The Von Foxies of Seattle called themselves
for the expression and articulation of ideas about sexuality, gender, class and
"erotic comedy;' Stilletos and Strap-Ons called their performances "comedic
politics;' Blue says. She and all the other founding members of BurlyQ are
interpretations of sexuality onstage;' and Jen Gapay of Thirsty Girls Productions
said that the performances at her event, the New York Burlesque Festival, con-
queer former sex workers, something they feel no need to hide. The members
tain "a mixture of comedy, sexuality and vaudeville all rolled into one:' No mat-
woman, and they use their visibility to promote safe sex by passing out condoms
ter how they're shaking their tail feathers, they do it to make you laugh.
to their audience members from the stage. Heidi Von Haught of the Von Foxies
of Stillettos and Strap-Ons say that a sexual woman can be an empowered
And laugh you will. The comedy begins before the show has even started. I
said that she "always liked the fantasy of being a stripper, but the realities of
can't count how many times I giggled while talking to Pussy Liquor of Stilettos
and Strap-Ons, or Alotta Boutte of Harlem Shake Burlesque in Oakland,
being a stripper were different than my own fantasies:' She says burlesque
Calif., and believe me, the names are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to
absurdity in queer burlesque.
Case in point: Sir Loin Strip of Boilesque, a queer bearded lady burlesque
doesn't objectify women the way stripping can.
And in many ways, burlesque provides a way for these women to embrace
their own sexiness, no matter what size, shape or color. BurlyQ's Chica Boom is
proud to be Xicana and holds the title of Miss Gay Latina 2005. Alotta Boutte
troupe that holds the title of Misters Trannyshack 2005 in San Francisco,
of Harlem Shake Burlesque, this century's first African-American burlesque
joined the Diamond Daggers in tickling comic fancies at the National Center
troupe, says that she's "determined to show my audience that not only is this
for Lesbian Rights and Bay Area Community of Women's 2005 New Year'sEve
size-22 body feminine and my mocha skin delightful, but that I'm a sexual,
party. With routines that invoked Buster Keaton, Sir Loin Strip entertained the
sensual being, no shame, no hiding:' At the 2005 Miss Trannyshack competi-
audience while the Diamond Daggers made costume changes. When the gals
tion in San Francisco, her bold and brash personality handled her wardrobe
returned to the stage, their sheer enthusiasm alone put a smile on my lips. With
malfunction so well she left a hall full of queers screaming for more Boutte.
creative routines and perfect comic timing, their fabulous femme follies made
Harlem Shake Burlesque, which also includes Missy Marmalade and founding
sure the audience's last moments of the year were filled with hysterical laughter.
member Simone de la Ghetto, makes it their goal to "pay homage to all of the
The Von Foxies also pride themselves in finding "the attraction and sexiness in absurdity:' Their variety act, which often includes tricycles and fezzes,
Black burlesque performers that have graced the stage'' and remind audiences
that burlesque indeed has Black roots.
keeps the audience wondering what may be next and delights them when they
Still, the women must occasionally fight off discrimination and accusa-
find out. New York's Darlinda Just Darlinda calls her variety show a "Polyester
tions. When Stilettos and Strap-Ons first appeared onstage, they faced a
Performance;' a mix of burlesque, faux modern dance, psychedelic happen-
backlash within their own community for their performance choices and for
ings, comedy sketches and drag queen ballet, often including headdresses that
inviting non-queer people into their audience. The Diamond Daggers have
resemble teddy bears. Dottie Lux, who performs with Red Hots Burlesque
had to explain many times to fellow queers that they are neither objectifying
in New York, clowns around in her performances, literally. She says that "the
women nor going against years of feminist movements. Instead, as one member
world seems a little less serious when you're wearing grease paint:' In this time
said, they are "proud to have the luxury of being queer and feminine, and [we]
of war and recession, it's nice to see some people aren't taking life too seriously.
respect those who have come before us, but we need to keep changing and moving forward:' Viva la feminist revolution! ■
Despite all this silliness, they take burlesque careers seriously. In their
January/February 2007
I35
Pennyfor Her Thoughts
Brilliantfeminist,erotic pioneer and possiblemegalomaniac,PennyArcade
doesn't hold back anything. By Tania Hammidi
Internationally recognized for her theater production Bitch! Dyke! Faghag!
Whore!, performance artist and feminist erotic dancer Penny Arcade knows
- a dance form that many lesbians and femmes cherish for its "radical"potential
- has a mainstream history.
burlesque history. While celebrating the 15th anniversary of her famous show,
"I am not influenced by 'burlesque: Burlesque is, and was, and will al-
she proved an encyclopedic knowledge of the women left out of the who's who of
ways be the acceptable form of female sexualized dance. ... I used burlesque in
burlesque and erotic dance."Shelly Calcott, who I discovered in Tampa, Florida
contrast to my strippers who were doing down and dirty, unacceptable in thencurrent feminism erotic dance and floor work:'
in 1992 when I did B!D!F!W! ... [is] one of the greatest erotic-burlesque performers ever, even though she would not identify as a burlesque dancer:' She
trails off an endless litany: Honey Bruce (wife of Lenny Bruce), Kelly Webb,
Viva Ruiz, Tigger, Shelly Mars, the Alabama Slammer.
Arcade critiques current media interest in burlesque, which builds on a "sex
sells" motif without doing real research about its queer and counter-counterculture backbone.
Now, 40 years later, Arcade has volumes of pencil lines marking her accolades
"[When] they interview the stars of burlesque, be it Dirty Martini or Julie
as an artist: kicked out of her parents' house for being a "bad girl"; apprentice
Adas Mus, both of whom have participated in my work, those women are not
to gay photographer-artist Jamie Andrews (of The Playhouse of the Ridiculous);
going to speak of my work as they assume that it is well-known to the interviewer,
teenage superstar in Andy Warhol's 1971 Women in Revolt; friends with Candy
which of course it is not since [journalists] don't do research;' she says. "These
Darling, Holly Woodlawn, Ondine, Mary Warnov, Quentin Crisp,Jackie Curtis;
journalists also exclude Tigger - James Ferguson -
performer in dozens of plays and two world tours in Australia, Rio de Janeiro,
male, even though he is at the backbone of the New York burlesque scene and
recently won the National Burlesque Award in 2006:'
Venice, Austria, Germany, Canada, New York, England and, well, practically the
because he is queer and
entire avant-garde world from 1960 to modern day.
For Arcade, it's apparently time to write. She has turned to her memoirs, and
artist, there is still much ground to gain for the sexy,sexual world where femmes,
possibly her old Los Angeles stomping ground, to fill in the gaps of avant-garde
butches, trans guys, gay men and genderqueers tell the truth about the politics of
history where women's radical eroticism has been left out. Yet, she challenges
erotic and sexual labor, be it on the dance stage, in theater, at home or in books.
This is perhaps because, as Arcade has experienced through her decades as an
history's exclusions not just to voice her knowledge, but also to reveal "the real-
Perhaps one day Penny Arcade and women like her, who have spoken the
ity of how women support or don't support, acknowledge or don't acknowledge
truth and been bold women artists "over an arc of time" will no longer bear witness to the fact that"real bad girls don't get gigs:' ■
other women artists:' Arcade has always been a radical performer. Even burlesque
36
Icurve
Five Dating Lessons
From Hollywood
St0p listeningto your friends.Take your cues from film and
TV and score big with your dream girl. By Jenny Sherwin
Right now, as you read chis, there is a gay woman somewhere obsessing about how to meet, date and bed her the
girl of her dreams. Bue, alas, it perpetually appears chat
many of the community's most gorgeous, desirable hocties
have been swept away by women who make you feel like
band camp girl from American Pie. But help is on the way.
The following are five radical yet sure-fire ways to score fast
pick-up joint, with canes and crutches replacing skis and
tennis rackets as the new lesbian chic accessories. Every lesbian loves a project, and nursing an injured lover back to
health has it all over relining kitchen shelves or refinishing
your bedroom set; so grab an Ace bandage and a walker and
hobble on over to your Pride Fest du jour.
and furious with your dream dyke.
Become a Heroin Addict Like
4.
Gia. There's nary a gay chick on Earth who
1. Make up a Hot Dyke Name.
doesn't own High Art and the director's cut
of Gia on DVD. If these movies have taught
You'll never score with a name like Cindy
us anything, it's chat nothing says "lifemate"
like a woman in the throes of heroin addiction. After all, she's skinny so she's a great
or Tammy. If you want the grrls to swarm
all over you like bees on Idgie from Fried
Green Tomatoes, you've got to come up
with a name chat says Dykon. It's easy:
Say your name out loud and then pick
trophy to show off at the bars. She's homeless, so you'll have a lot of time to spend
together. And she never eats so you won't
the closest sounding textural material.
You can change Susie to "Suede;' Sally to
have to worry about getting chat second job.
"Slate," and Michelle to simply "Mesh:'
While you're at it, change your last name,
Pretend to Be a Lesbian
5.
Filmmaker. You chink Rose Troche goes co
too. Just pick the name of any sleek and
sexy automobile. You can bet chat "Suede
Mustang;' "Slate Camaro" and "Mesh
parties alone? Never! As hot as lesbian musicians were in the '90s, dyke filmmakers are
the gay rock stars of the new millennium. To
score big with your dream girl, buy a digital
video camera, a black blazer and an Outfest
Corvette" never go home alone.
2. Shag Your Hair Like The L
Word's Shane. She's built like a boy,
walks like a man, talks like a football coach
and treats women worse than Ike Turner,
X
yet there's not a lesbian alive who wouldn't sell her collection of Phranc CDs for a night of unabashed dirty sex with
Shane. Becoming as hoc as Shane is as easy as buying a razor
e
blade at Wal-Mart, putting on your favorite Joan Jett album
and slashing up your hair like Norman Bates after he studied
under Jose Eber. After chat, simply develop Shane's "I don't
e
care if you've got Jodie Foster's brain in Angelina Jolie's body,
I'm not all chat interested" attitude. Show up lace for the dace,
call your girl by the wrong name, make her pay for dinner, flirt
d
d
with other women over drinks and go home with someone
else. When your finally gee back to your pad, she'll be waiting
r,
te
t-
with flowers, a ring, and talk of her undying love.
3. Limp Like ER's Kerry Weaver. You show me a
lesbian, and I'll show you a woman who's adopted more
than one helpless stray - and I'm not just talking about
her ex-girlfriend. Ever since Kerry Weaver caned out of
Cook County General's closet, medical supply scores everywhere have replaced Spores Chalet as the hocte~t girl-girl
T-shirt, and then get your friends to help
you make a movie. No script? No problem.
Lousy lighting? Who cares? Next, invite your
chick over to "visit the sec:' If she seems taken back by your
film's public access technical status and horrendous juniorhigh quality of acting, tell her that ic"doesn'c have to be professional, it's arc" and "anyway,it's just going to the festivals:'
Like a flash, she'll commit, move in and begin her role as a
Hollywood wife, throwing all-night drunken bashes, spending your money and nagging for a role in your next film.
Remember, there's hope for us all and you'll never have co
be alone again. Scoring the girl of your dreams is as easy
as becoming the girl of her dreams: aloof, suave, helpless,
tortured and pretentious. All you have to do is change your
look, your name, your interests and become someone chat
you know absolutely nothing about. Or you could forget
about all of chis easy scoring scuff, find a nice girl you have
something in common with and build a life with her. Never
mind. Go gee a motorcycle, buy size zero leather pants,
splash on some CK One, strap on a leg brace and hit the
girl bars. ■
The Dos
and Don'ts of
Lesbian Dating
Remember when you first
came out of the closet
and started dating?
Wouldn't it have been
nice if you had a manual
of some sort, something
to guide you as opposed
to leaving it up to trial
and error? While there
aren't any definite rules to
lesbian dating, there are
a few universal dos and
don'ts to keep in mind.
On the first date:
Do watch out for the
warning signs. If your
date doesn't have a job
or lives with her parents,
she may not be relationship material. If she just
got out of a long-term
relationship or just came
out of the closet, she isn't
ready to get involved in
anything serious. Paying
attention to the warning
signs on the first date will
eliminate surprises when
it comes to the second
and third.
Don't talk about your
ex. No one wants to hear
about her. If you talk about
your ex-girlfriend, it gives
your date the impression that you're still hung
up on her. Conversely, if
your date talks about her
ex the whole evening,
beware, there are still feel1gsthere.
Do listen. The point
of a first date is to get to
know the other person.
So when they talk, listen
and respond in turn.
Don't make assumptions. Just because
your date is a mechanic
doesn't mean she can't
discuss literature or art.
Just because she has
long hair and wears
make-up doesn't mean
she's a bottom. No good
comes from making
assumptions; check all
preconceived notions at
Dos and Don'ts Continued
on page 45
January/February 2007
I 37
The Pleasuresof Polyamory
One-woman wonder Wendy-0-Matik tackles polyamory for us girls.
By Charlotte Rice I Photography by Phyllis Christopher
Wendy-O-Matik
is a one-woman revolutionary who has devoted her
(young) life to helping people learn to love freely and responsibly. She
has taught over 40 workshops on radical love and alternative relation-
what you truly want out of your relationships. Consider what kind
of boundaries you will need in order to build a lasting foundation of
trust, honesty and communication.
Doesn't polyamory have the reputation of being for people who
ship models that eschew patriarchal social traditions. A frequent guest
lecturer at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University as well
want to sleep around without committing to anyone?
as a freelance writer, published poet and radical performance artist,
Mainstream
latest book, RedefiningOur Relationships:Guidelines
for ResponsibleOpen Relationships,is a must-read for those dissatisfied
society and the media have perpetuated
negative ste-
with the constraints of monogamy.
reotypes of open relationships, which most people rarely question. There are as many people who "sleep around" but identify as
monogamous as soon as they find "the one" they want to commit to,
How did you learn about polyamory?
as there are polyamorous people who "sleep around" until they find
"the ones" they want to commit to. My point is that regardless of the
Wendy-O-Matik's
I'm an activist of the heart. I have always felt as if I have an enormous
capacity to love everyone: the homeless guy down the street, the
little old lady next door, someone I just had a five-hour mind-blowing conversation with, and then, of course, my friends, lovers and
structure of the relationship, there are people who can make longterm commitments to one or more partners and there are people
who sleep around because they love it, or because they're free to do
family. When I finally was able to admit to myself, without guilt,
that I have a human right and obligation to myself to love as many
so, or because they have fears of commitment. I slept around in my
late teens and early 20s because I knew with absolute certainty that
I wasn't looking for a soul mate, I wanted to experience loving both
people as I wanted or needed, then I became aware of how a monogamous relationship, outlined by the status quo, was never going to
and experimentation.
men and women, and it was an important time for sexual liberation
work for me. I would never be able to conform. Starting in my early
20s, radical love - or the freedom to love who you want, ~he way
Even the most adventurous and most open-minded will struggle with
their own embedded stereotypes. It's not a simple task to open a
you want, how you want and as many as you want - has become a
way of life for me. Responsible open relationships seek to challenge
discussion up with your partner or lovers about how patriarchy
affects you in bed, between the sheets. Most of us find it challeng-
patriarchy, the media and our coerced social constructs of a relation-
ing to grapple with our own insecurities, jealousy and possessiveness. Often we don't even have the safe space to discuss these topics
ship by imagining a non-hierarchical approach to love.
I'll be the last one to advocate one type of relationship over another,
monogamy versus nonmonogamy. What I am most interested in is
openly .... Nonmonogamy takes a lot of work, communication, and
honesty, and it is often easier to conform rather than face all your
fears and deal with the criticism and misunderstandings from oth-
planting the seeds of autonomy .... There simply cannot be just one
formula for everyone. Carve out your own lifestyle. Imagine your
ers who may not be supportive or understand. The bottom line is
you have choices. If you don't honor these choices and the inherent
ideal relationship. Radicalize your life and challenge yourself to have
responsibility that comes with them, then you never know the true
What are the pros and cons of polyamory versus monogamy?
"Eventhe most adventurousand most open-mindedwill
strugglewith their own embedded stereotypes.It's not a simple task to open a discussionup with your partneror lovers
about how patriarchyaffects you in bed, between·the sheets."
deep, meaningful relationships with anyone you feel is important
to you - including your parents, siblings, friends, lovers, pen pals
and neighbors. If you define "open" to include cuddling, kissing and
heartfelt communication, then work that into your life. If "open"
means sexual liberation, then be honest with yourself and your part-
potential of your heart.
Loving openly and freely in this day and age, whether you're straight
or queer, is a political act. We are conditioned by outmoded social
norms that limit our perceptions and shackle us to unhealthy cycles
of dissatisfxing relationships. Yet we live in a time where we can
What are your suggestions for those contemplating a polyam-
choose our own gender or redefine our own sexual identity. Isn't
it safe to assume that we also have a right to decide what kind of
orous relationship?
relationship is more suitable to our lifestyle? ■
ner or partners and take the responsible steps to achieve this.
Guidelines are different for everyone. Read everything you can get your
hands on. Find a poly-support group. Take the time to envision
For more info, visit wendyomatik.com.
January/February 2007
I39
How to Meet a Girl
Lookingfor true lovethis year? Here's how to get intothe game.
By Kate Earnshaw
I'll never forget Valentine's Day in 2003.
I went downstairs to pick up the mail
that afternoon and found a Priority Mail
envelope with my ex's return address on it.
Inside, I found a packet of poems I had sent
her a couple of weeks earlier. I intended for
the poems -
which I wrote for her during
our relationship -
to be a parting gift, but
clearly she hadn't seen them that way. She
included a note stating it was inappropriate
for me to send them to her because she was
in a new relationship.
I sat down, hard, on the bottom step,
and put my head between my knees to prevent myself from hyperventilating.
That wasn't the end, though. Valentine's
Day 2004 held more surprises. That was
when same-sex marriage was legalized,
if briefly, in San Francisco, and it seemed
like every gay couple in the state was getting married. I turned on the TV that
day looking to hear some sappy love stories and instead saw my ex on the local
news with the woman she left me for. They were talking about how much
"You should approach it like networking," she told me, advising that it's
they supported same-sex marriage and how thrilled they were to be getting
important to meet as many people as possible in order to broaden my net-
hitched themselves.
work of acquaintances. Even if I wasn't interested in Jane or Sharon, they
might know someone I'd like.
These are the hazards of lesbian dating. The woman you're in love with
might leave you for someone else, and you might accidentally witness their
marriage on television.
We plotted together about where we might meet these people we wanted
to network into our dating lives, and it soon became dear that we first had
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't date.
to determine what kind of person we wanted to meet. If you want to meet
an artsy activist, start hanging out at film screenings or art openings; if you
Gearing up for the Game
want to meet a corporate type, start going to professional networking events. I
It took me a while to get used to the idea of dating again. OK, it took years. It's
didn't exactly want to date a banker, but I didn't want to date a student, either.
not like I didn't meet other girls or have some fun at the Michigan Womyn's
When an invitation to a singles' dinner cruise sponsored by Betty's List, a
Music Festival -
San Francisco Bay area networking organization for lesbians, came across my
I did -
but actually dating someone, as opposed to hook-
ing up at random, is something it took me a long time to warm up to. Once
desk, I decided I might as well bite the bullet and try it out.
you've been burned that badly, you're not all that eager to get back into
The cruise was a $65-per-person dinner voyage around the San Francisco
the game.
But it boils down to this: Do you really want to be alone? It's not that I believe
Bay, complete with singles' dating games and dancing. When I arrived at the
you have to be married to be happy -
after all, 43 percent of Americans are
single, according to the U.S. Census, and there are a lot of great things about not
dock that night, I quickly realized that it was not my scene. I'm 31 years old,
and the average age on the cruise turned out to be at least 40. But I got on the
boat anyway and prepared myself for a night of "networking:•
having a partner. You're free to spend more time doing things you want, without
And that's where I met Dale Bullock, a tall, soft-spoken gay man who has
concern for whether your girlfriend wants to join you on that rock-climbing
been a professional matchmaker for more than 10 years. His company, Bonds
expedition or that sample-sale marathon or, even, a night of eating Haagen-
Ltd., matches up gay men and lesbians with life partners - for a one-time fee
Dazs and watching Drew Barrymore flicks. But even though I have never felt
of $15,000. That hefty price tag includes the cost of the introductory dates
the need to be fulfilled by being in a relationship, I no longer wanted to shut
that Bullock arranges (and comes along on) as well as Bullock's advice about
out the possibility of meeting someone who could complement my life simply
because I'm freaked out by the thought of being in another relationship.
navigating the emotionally choppy waters of queer dating. He encourages his
So I called my friend Nicki, who used to be a shaven-head dyke activist
for recognizing the right person when they meet them. "You must be ready;•
in college but is now a mainstream consultant in London who dates mostly
he told me, "and the only way to remain ready is to constantly be willing to
men. She happened to be embarking on her own project: finding a husband.
take that risk, to feel vulnerable, to be vulnerable, to act vulnerable. And in so
40
I curve
clients to approach dates as practice opportunities that better prepare them
Ask the
Matchmaker
doing, we develop this strength -
it's like a muscle:• The
target and the other is my back-up plan. When I move for-
more we stretch and strengthen that muscle, the easier it
ward and am getting serious about someone, then I stop
becomes to use it. After assiduously avoiding using that
dating around:'
muscle for so long, I realized that it needed to be put on
After mulling over the possibilities online, I sent notes
a serious training regimen. And since I couldn't possibly
to three different people in which I focused on things we
afford Bullock's price tag, I needed to get my dating practice
had in common and suggested going out for a drink. I didn't
another way.
have to wait long. One out of three responded within a
Looking for Love ... Online
fee; one responded positively but later flaked; and the third
There was a time when lesbians found it difficult to meet
did not respond. I was astonished at how easy it was.
couple of hours, suggesting a time and place to meet for cof-
one another. They had to pay to place personal ads in the
local gay rags, or trek out to the isolated gay bar in the near-
In Real Life
est big city to troll for Ms. Right. But the Internet changed
all that. You may doubt whether quality women are online,
Success online does not mean that you should neglect
but you can't deny that there are women online -
tons of
supermarket, a professional networking event or the lesbian
them. Since several of my friends have had success meet-
bar down the street. And don't forget your friends' parties
ing their girlfriends on the Internet, it seemed like a logical
-
place to start. I called my friend Stacey, who has made an
of
art out of meeting girls on Friendster, and met her for a
through friends.
But working a room at a party is a bit different than
beer to discuss my online strategy.
real-life opportunities to meet people, whether it be at the
according to a Curvemag.com online poll, 34 percent
CURVE
readers met their current or most recent partner
She advised me to start with the major, free, online
being on a singles' cruise or looking online, because it's no
dating sites: Friendster, MySpace and Craigslist. The good
longer clear whether the object of your attraction is actually
thing about Friendster and Myspace is that they aren't
exactly "personals" sites, so you can sort of fool yourself
single. For advice on how to deal with these gray areas, I
into thinking that you're just looking for friends. But don't
it comes to meeting girls. Over a pitcher of beer and a pack
forget what you're really there for. Make sure that your
of cigarettes, Sarah advised me that I should always be
profile is both realistic (include photos that really look like
friendly to everyone, even if I'm not attracted to them; they
d
d
yourself) and sexy - it is, in essence, a lengthier personal
ad. Have a friend or two read what you've written before
in (hmm, sounds familiar). If I saw someone I was inter-
:t
you start contacting potentials. And when you are ready to
ested in at a bar,"Don't go up and offer to buy them a drink,
u
make contact, ''Always e-mail at least three people at once;'
but go up to the bar and stand near them and order your
Stacey told me. "Never e-mail only one. You want to maxi-
own drink. Strike up a conversation about anything -
mize your probability of getting a response:'
doesn't matter what it's about; if they find you attractive,
's
y
r.
turned to my friend Sarah, who has a golden touch when
might be friends with someone else I would be interested
it
they'll respond:'
a
It seemed a little bit overwhelming, at first, to e-mail
y
three people in each sitting, but as I clicked through pages
"It's also very important;' she said with a grin, "to make
and pages of Friendster and MySpace sites, it began to
eye contact and smile. It's really about being attuned to
0
make sense. By sending out three at once, the probability
how the other person reacts; pay attention and adjust your
e
of rejection was significantly lowered. It made less of a dif-
behavior accordingly:' She advised that it was best to not be
i,
ference whether Person A responded, because I also had
too aggressive at first; instead, flirt with them and then go
e
Person B and C on the pipeline.
away for a while to talk with your friends or get a drink. Let
I began to realize that all my friends who told me that
them consider whether they're interested in you, and the
next time you see them that night, test them out again. You
ls
I should always date three people at once really were onto
something. "If you're only dating one person, you're in a
e
relationship;' said my friend Jenna, when we were dis-
interest piqued and even offer you their number. 'Tve never
:s
cussing my dating strategies. "If you're dating two people,
had to ask for a number;' Sarah told me.
Lt
you're putting them in competition with each other. You
IS
have to date three at once:'
.S
n
My friend Vincent, a gay man, echoed this advice, adding that dating more than one person at a time lowers his
0
anxieties. "It is fun and comforting to me to have a couple
0
of men to focus on;' he told me. "One is usually my primary
might lose interest yourself, or they may have found their
You might think that Sarah's the local lothario, but
that's not necessarily true -
although she does have irre-
sistible blue eyes. "The key is to be self-confident;' she told
me. "People are drawn to that:'
Be forewarned: Sarah's advice is not for those who
How to Meet a Girl continued on page 72
After more than 11 years
as a professional matchmaker for queer couples,
Dale Bullock has learned
much about how to date.
Here's his advice on your
quest for love. - Kate
Earnshaw
How can you make a
good first impression?
Be completely authentic. That can be a very
difficult thing for people
on a first date. View this
space that we create [on
the date] for a distinct
period of time and divide
it into a pie ... and think:
How do I fill half of this
pie and allow her to fill
the other half so that we
can have a meaningful
experience?
How do you maintain a
sense of hope and possibility while dating?
Have reasonable
expectations. You must
be absolutely clear on
your intentions, but in the
moment, separate yourself from the outcome.
[If] you incorporate your
mission to partner among
this array of priorities that
you have in your life ...
then the highest value
in the moment is in the
journey itself, and not the
destination.
eeting new people
can be very scary. How
do you deal with that
fear?
We must learn to walk
through that fear that
holds us back from doing
something healthy for us.
The more times we walk
through it, the easier it
becomes for us, the stronger we get and the more
capable we become of
transmuting this pain that
we must go through into
the pleasure that is on the
other side. That pleasure
is primarily from knowing
that we are capable of loving ourselves. ■
January/February 2007
I41
Strange Bedfellows
Polygamy and same-sex marriage get uncomfortably close. By Kim Burgess
On the first episode of HBO cult hit Big Love, a bratty fast food fry girl discovers that her co-worker Sarah's family is a little unusual."Oh my god, Sarah
has three mommies!" she cries in horror.
The line makes a cute reference to classic children's book Heather Has Two
Mommies, which taught that "each family is special" and preached acceptance
for lesbian couples with children.
The connection isn't accidental. Out and proud gay couple Mark V.
Olsen and Will Scheffer conceived of the polygamy drama when they saw
similarities to gay rights everywhere they looked.
"Will and I have watched the country become divisive with an increasingly strident debate about the culture wars and what is and is not a family
and what should be an accepted family;' Olsen told the Washington Blade.
"If there's a group more ostracized than polygamists, then I don't know who
it is:•
A world away from Hollywood, in a tidy Salt Lake City home, Mary
Batchelor expresses a similar view. "Polygamists are really in the same situation as gay people are in fighting for our right to marriage;' she says with a
smile. Batchelor's husband John*, pausing to look up from the vegetables he's
stacking on the kitchen counter, nods his approval.
Though the two are monogamous and now legally married, Batchelor
once shared John with another woman, a relationship that began in 1989
when Batchelor served as a "spiritual wife;' meaning she had no legal ties to
the man she called her spouse. Had the two separated, Bachelor's lack of
on-the-books
connections would have cut her out of alimony and reduced
her child support.
That potential legal limbo is one of the reasons Dani Eyer supports legalizing polygamy. As executive director of the Utah American Civil Liberties
Prunty is intimately familiar with Mary Batchelor's arguments to the
Union, Eyer is often asked to provide her view on the subject. "Every time
contrary. The two are former "sister wives;• a term referring to women who
I give a presentation in Utah on same-sex marriage, someone asks whether
are in polygamist relationships with the same man. Prunty met John at
the same considerations apply to polygamous marriages;• she says. "I answer
Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, and married him soon after. While
yes, with the additional aspect of freedom of religion protected by the First
studying Mormon scriptures, the couple decided that their religion had
Amendment, when the facts apply:'
changed from its "pure" form in the 1800s when polygamy was widely prac-
Right-wing former senator Rick Santorum and conservative talk show
ticed. They made the decision to break away from mainstream Mormonism,
host Bill O'Reilly also link the two, employing rhetoric about the "slippery
which now excommunicates polygamists, and join the estimated 30,000 to
slope" where legalizing same-sex marriage leads to polygamy, debauchery
50,000 people who belong to various polygamous Mormon sects.
and the infamous "destruction of the family:'
The court system is also currently evaluating the polygamy-gay marriage
comparison. Mormon fundamentalist
G. Lee Cook, his wife, D. Cook, and
Soon after, they met Batchelor and began a polygamist family. The relationship fell apart after three years when Prunty left, heartbroken over what
she saw as John's emotional abuse and his preferential treatment of Batchelor.
intended second wife, J. Bronson, filed a lawsuit seeking to overturn Utah's
According to Prunty, John's favorite statement to her was, "Do not voice your
ban on polygamy. The centerpiece of their argument involves Lawrence v.
opinion if it is contrary to mine:• If Prunty displeased him, she says that he
Texas, the landmark 2003 Supreme Court decision that struck down laws
would refuse to have sex with her until she repented, spending the night with
banning sex between same-sex couples. A federal judge dismissed the Cooks'
Batchelor instead. Prunty says that because of her "rebelliousness," John often
accused her of being possessed by demons.
case last year, but it is now before the 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.
Brian Barnard, the lawyer for the three, told the Salt Lake Tribune that
Lawrence v. Texas "provides individuals with protection from state intrusion
as to intimate relationships:'
These comparisons appear simple: Advocating for either involves broadening the definition of marriage. But others say it's not so clear.
Vicky Prunty, co-founder of Tapestry Against Polygamy, says the two
don't belong in the same category. "They are not similar at all. Polygamy
is about controlling
women. This isn't about love, it's about control.
Homosexuality would only be comparable to polygamy if gay couples forced
their children to become gay and marry as teenagers:'
42
I curve
Fed up, Prunty
and her five children moved into a Catholic-run
women's shelter. She cleaned houses to make ends meet and eventually saved
up enough to rent an apartment.
After speaking out about the abuse, Prunty met one of her staunchest supporters, Andrea Moore-Emmett, former president of the Utah chapter of the
National Organization for Women and author of anti-polygamy book God's
Brothel. Like Prunty, Moore-Emmett
link is ludicrous.
believes the polygamy-homosexuality
"Same-sex couples are about sexual orientation. They are just asking for
the same benefits with their partner as any other couple:• Moore-Emmett
says."Polygamy is about a choice where one man is the ruler
of a harem of women and a herd of children who don't have
individual identities:'
Indeed, allegations of abuse have dogged polygamist
that's the way for them to get to heaven:'
Erickson herself was once "married" to a man who was
already her older sister's husband. Thirty-seven years later,
in 1994, she divorced him after studying hypnotherapy and
communities for years. In 1998, 16-year-old Mary Ann
deciding that her religious upbringing was a form of brain-
Kingston called 911 to report that her father had beaten
washing. "They make you repeat these slogans three times
her unconscious with a belt. The reason: she had fled a
a day. They're basically pledges of obedience;' she says of
polygamist marriage to her uncle David. Eventually, David
the phrases known as "Memory Gems;' which are part of
served four years in prison for third-degree felony incest and
Kingston religious teachings. Examples of"Memory Gems"
unlawful sexual contact with a minor. Mary Ann's father,
include, "With my firm resolve and fixed purpose, I give my
John Daniel, was sentenced to seven months in prison
all to the Lord -
for the beating. Mary Ann has since filed a $110 million
civil suit against 242 members of the Kingston clan and
- to the establishment of the Kingdom of God on Earth:'
In the end, Erickson says, polygamist communities are
97 companies that they operate, darning that they share
no different than cults. Both rob individuals of choice, the
responsibility for the abuses she endured at the hands of
very thing the gay rights movement cherishes most.
her family.
my time, my talents, all that I hope to be
Batchelor sees things differently. "They are always
John Daniel Kingston has had other legal problems this
showing the bad stuff. They don't show the healthy, nor-
year. Two of his daughters reported that he abused them after
mal families;' she says of the media. Concerning the persis-
they got their ears pierced against his wishes. After an investi-
tence of marriages to underage girls, Batchelor cites Utah
gation by Child Protective Services, eight of 11 children were
law, which until recently allowed girls to marry at 14 with
removed from Kingston and their mother, Heidi Mattingly
parental permission. "Polygamists feel that they are being
Foster. Mattingly Foster attended parenting classes and even-
singled out when they were doing something that was legal
tually regained custody of all children except two daughters
for other people;' she says.
who remain in foster care. John Daniel is under court order
to have no contact with the children or Mattingly Foster. In
In 2003, Tapestry Against Polygamy sponsored a law
that raised Utah's marriage age to 16 and increased pen-
e
total, he is believed to have over 100 children with 14 wives.
alties for men who take young girls as their plural wives.
0
Ocher polygamist groups have faced similar charges.
Child bigamy, or marrying a second wife who is under 18,
Lt
Imprisoned polygamist Tom Green was convicted of felo-
e
ny child rape and bigamy after his "spiritual marriage" to
When asked about the frequency of abuse in polyga-
d
a 13-year-old girl; most recently, Warren Jeffs, the head of
mist communities, Batchelor would not make a direct state-
can now bring a sentence of one to 15 years in prison.
Southern Utah's Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of
ment, saying that there is as much diversity in behaviors as
l,
Latter-day Saints held a spot on the FBI's Most Wanted
there is among monogamists. However, she does believe
0
list before he was captured and charged with two counts of
that polygamy won't work for women with low self-esteem.
"They have a sense of scarcity, that there's not enough love
L-
rape as an accomplice for marrying teen girls against their
will to older men.
Lt
Roweena Erickson, who was born into the Kingston
whether sharing is healthy. We're always telling our chil-
r.
clan and co-founded Tapestry Against Polygamy, says that
to go around;' she says. "This comes down to a question of
dren to share. Now it's like, don't share:'
these horrors have gone on for years. She describes a soci-
In the morass of conflicting viewpoints, there is a more
ety where women are denied education and married off in
h
their teens to older men, who impregnate them as soon as
objective piece of evidence: the writings of polygamists
themselves. The Peacemaker, a 19th-century book written
n
possible. Most work menial jobs to help support their fami-
by Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon Church, includes
lies while living under nearly complete control of their hus-
the passage: "The government of the wife is therefore placed
n
bands, who have the final say concerning everything from
in the husband by the law of God; for he is the head. I suffer
d
sex to child rearing, she says.
not a woman saith the Lord to teach, or to usurp author-
e
When women do not obey, punishment can be swift and
ity over a man, but to be in subjection .... Here, the wife
severe."I once saw them do something called the 'Dark Room
is pronounced the husband's property, as much so as his
treatment' on a woman;' Erickson says."They locked her in a
manservant, his maidservant, his ox, or his horse:'
I'
s
closet for three days with no food or water:' At a more basic
A similar demand for obedience was delivered by
y
level than the blatant abuse, Erickson believes that polygamy
Mormon leader Brigham Young, who wrote, "You sisters
itself is an act of emotional cruelty. "It's as though your hus-
,r
band is having an affair, and you're supposed to be happy
may say that plural marriage is very hard for you to bear.
It is no such thing. [I]f it is the duty of a husband to take
tt
about ic;' she says. "These girls do it because they're taught
Strange Bedfellows continued on page 72
A Lesbian
Undercover
Lesbian mystery writer
Jennifer Fulton, aka Rose
Beecham, is an unlikely
fan of HBO's Big Love.
"People think I must hate
the show, but I think it's
very well written," she
says. "I just hope everyone
watching knows that fiction is fiction."
Fulton speaks from
personal experience. While
researching the novel
Grave Silence, she went
undercover, posing as a
fundamentalist Mormon
widow searching for a new
husband-and the wives
that would naturally come
with him.
The ruse got her
inside one of America's
most notorious polygamist groups, the
Fundamentalist Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints, headquartered in
the neighboring towns
of Hildale, Utah, and
Colorado City, Ariz. They
are places out of time,
where women dress in
pioneer dresses and bake
bread for herds of children-often over 10 per
woman.
CuRvEhad the opportunity to sit down with Fulton
and discuss more of what
she witnessed in this
"Taliban-like culture."
Read the full interview
at Curvemag.com to find
out about polygamists,
their attitudes toward gay
people and the women
behind the labels. - Kim
Burgess
January/February
2007 \ 43
Why Fat ChicksRock
The not-so-secretsubcultureof fat dykes and the women who lovethem.
By StephanieSchroeder I Photographyby Molly Bennett
You probably know of gay male "Bears" and may have heard of Girth &
Mirth, a gay size-acceptance group where big men and their admirers meet
and greet. Well, move over Papi, here comes Big Mama: Queer women have a
subculture of fat chicks and admirers all their own.
Today, although radical queers are often more accepting of fat people, a
lot of fat-phobia, including internalized fat-hatred, still resides in the lesbian
community. But an ever-widening subculture of dykes, bisexual women and
genderqueers who find fat chicks sexy is now coming out of the closet.
A preference for heavyset gals, full-figured women, thick sisters, big-boned
babes, zaftig honeys, pleasingly plump princesses and lasses with big asses is
becoming a genuinely acceptable form of lesbian attraction. This new subculture, with its own aesthetics, has emerged in contrast to the more mainstream
L Word-type body.
A lot of hot fat chicks dig other fat women, and just as many thin-toaverage-sized dykes like their women to have more than a little meat on their
bones. In fact, many personal ads identify the author - and/ or the woman
sought after - as thick or fat or a proud BBW, Big Beautiful Woman.
"Fat is not a bad word. Neither is feminist. I'm fat and I'm feminist and
people are just going to have to deal with it!" declares Molly Bennett, a selfdescribed queer femme dyke and sexy fat chick who's attracted to fat women.
"Fat chicks rock!" she exclaims. "My girlfriend and I are happy fat girls, staying
healthy together. We walk, bike, eat healthy and love shopping," says Bennett,
confident at 5-foot-6-inches and 220 pounds.
44
Icurve
Bennett, 27, is a photographer in Seattle. Body-image missives fill her
Web site, mollybennett.com. 'Tm an artist with a political mission in my creative works;• she says. "I've always been attracted to larger women, starting
with my first girlfriend back in high school. I'm attracted to women who are
happy and comfortable with their bodies, and interestingly I've found that
tends to be larger women. It seems pretty counterintuitive given all the cultural messages around acceptable body size for women, but that's what my
experience has been:'
Ellen McCauley, 5-foot-5-inches and 130 pounds, believes it is important to go beyond the stereotypes society feeds us about what is attractive.
"Sometimes there can be a mental bias that keeps us from noticing chemistry is present;' the 42-year-old says. "For me there is both a sexual attraction
and a sense of affinity and common ground that I have being with anyone
who doesn't fit society's prescriptions. There is a level where I feel that large
women are in a sense outlaws, as they don't [whether by choice or not] play by
the rules. I also believe that there is a range of body sizes that is normal and
healthy. What is most important is that we live a healthy lifestyle:'
McCauley, a massage therapist and natural products business owner in
Santa Cruz, Calif., says it's the "outlaw thing" that most attracts her to fat
chicks. "There is a boldness in a woman who is willing to take up space and
be big. It is especially attractive if she is proud, unabashed and unapologetic
about it. If this is difficult for her, it can be very exciting to watch a big woman
start to claim that space:'
How can we explore examples of how fat chicks are
deemed worthless and unattractive:' Is our depth and breadth
of fat-hatred really a national, collectiveself-hatred:' With antifat bullies railing from their woman-hating pulpits against
yet another form of unacceptable femininity, misogyny and
fat-hating in America continues to beg the question of what,
exactly,is wrong with fleshy female abundance:'
Let's imagine Rubenesque figures are all the rage and
Vogue(or CURVE) regularly features fat women on its cover.
Would skinny gals eat more to conform to the national infatuation and love affair with fat female flesh:' If all contestants on
AmericanIdol, boys and girls, were fat, each up-and-coming
singer, model, actor and entertainer would be "required" by
public consensus to be fat. Thin performers might not fare
very well in the talent pool of successful fatties.
What if the top five most beautiful women in America
today, as ranked by the tabloid-reading public, were Camryn
Manheim, Rosie O'Donnell, Queen Latifah, Wynonna
Judd and Aretha Franklin:' American women would try to
imitate these celebrities' full fat figures. Big hips and round
bellies would be "in:' Under peer pressure to conform to a
society driven by celebrity, cultural norms would demand
that fat chicks be worshiped. A dream world for some,
maybe, but members of various size acceptance and fat
politics groups are working toward a day when size is not
an issue and fat even becomes embraced.
NOLOSE is a vibrant community of queer fat women,
transgender folks and their allies who seek to end the oppression of fat people. The group's bent is unabashedly in
your face, and they are active within both the queer and
fat communities. Founded by life partners Shira Stone and
Gail Horowitz in the early '90s as the discussion group Fat
Is a Lesbian Issue held at New York City's Lesbian and Gay
Center, NOLOSE grew out of that original support group
and in thinness, for everyone:"
Most fat activists view the widespread concern for the
health of fat people as thinly veiled prejudice. It's hard to
get a doctor to listen when every pain or problem is blamed
on weight without further investigation, and the so-called
concern for health that the media show for fat women is
often knee-jerk fat-phobia. Of course health is a concern
for fat chicks, just as it is for everyone else, but devouring
food is not their full-time job.
A self-identifying poly femme switch, Holly Hessinger,
42, is an acupuncturist in New York City who recently
started sleeping with other fat chicks. She admits she has
internalized fat phobia; while she can appreciate the softness and warmth of another fat woman, she still looks at
how fat female flesh appears and wonders if it's really
attractive. At 285 pounds and almost 5-foot-7, Hessinger,
another NO LOSE Board member, posits that "shame culture' roots all oppression in the body. "I can't overstate how
poisonous our shame culture is. It makes not only fat chicks
put off living their lives because of shame, but encourages
anorexia, shames people of color and anyone with a physical
difference into feeling bad about themselves:'
Mich, a 34-year-old genderqueer butch who is 5-foot8-inches and 250 pounds, married a fat femme. The two are
polyamorous and both date. "While I am attracted mostly
to fat people, it's not an exclusive preference;' he says. "I just
don't go up to someone on the street and say, 'Hey, you're
fat. Let's fuck: I tend to surround myself with fat-positive
people I meet in the context of the fat, queer and leather
communities:' An educator in New York City, Mich says,
"When I came out as queer and as a butch, I was no longer
perceived as the poor fat girl. I present as masculine so I'm
the 'fat guy' or stocky. It's more acceptable for butches or
as a nonprofit activist community.
NO LOSE Board member Zoe Meleo-Erwin, 35, is a feisty,
masculine-presenting folks to be big and take up space:'
College English teacher and graduate student Kate
O'Brien is in a polyamorous marriage."Discrimination around
self-described Italian/Sicilian-American queer fat femme. She
is understandably hurt by the everydayinsults hurled at her and
size is very tied in with my own fatness, so it's hard to separate
the two. Sometimes other fat women only want skinny lov-
other fat chicks:"Well-meaning folks say hurtful things like'you
have such a pretty face; which is of course also a backhanded
ers, whether by preference, internalized fat hatred or a status
thing," says O'Brien, 31, who lives in Seattle."! get really tired
insult letting you know that it's a damn shame that such a pretty
face is attached to a rather unattractive fat body. Regardless of
of hearing all the crap about how fat women aren't attractive,
not only as a fat woman but as a lover of fat women:'
why were fat [and there are many pathways to fatness], we
deserve respect and dignity like everyone else. And I'd like to
A punk/ goth/ rockabilly /bi femme, O'Brien, 5-foot10-inches and 335 pounds, says, "As a fat woman, I'm really attracted to women like mysel£ I have been with both
put all fat-phobes on notice that, like it or not, like us or not,
were not taking your shit anymore:'
A graduate
student
and community organizer in
Philadelphia, Meleo-Erwin, who wears a size 20, says,
"More and more recent evidence suggests chat fatness and
health are correlated but fatness does not necessarily determine health. But even if'obesity' is absolutely related to ill
health, so what:' One of the ways that fat-phobia is legitimized is through ableism, and that's truly fucked up. Some
skinny and fat women, and I am infinitely more attracted
to fat women. I also value our shared understanding and
experience of the discrimination fat women suffer:'
"I really like the softness and heft of a fat woman's body;'
O'Brien continues. "I love the way fat is soft and supple,
yielding yet substantial and how it can engulf you in voluptuousness. I love the way our fat bodies enfold each other
folks are sick, and all of us are really only 'temporarily abled'
anyway. Why should being sick or 'unhealthy' be a reason
when we embrace. I really like the way we can roll into one
another in bed and be supported by each other's substance.
Fat bodies feel 'right' to me. I love looking at curves. I love big
to discriminate against someone:' One of the things we say
on the NO LOSE Web site is that 'we stand proudly with
disability activists in pursuit of self-determination, human
round asses and breasts. I love the curves from waist to hip
- the more pronounced the better. I love round bellies:•
McCauley agrees. "Something about a big woman
rights, love and support, in sickness and in health, in fatness
Fat Chick contu
J n p.tgt , ..
Dos and Don'ts continued
frompage37 ______
_
the door.
After the first date, if
the chemistry is there:
Do call once. Many
women say that they
won't call for two or three
days, but if the date went
well, everyone agrees
that it's nice to get a
next-day phone call.
Don't call 20 times.
Nothing screams psychotic like incessant
calling. Her voicemail
isn't broken, she hasn't
been kidnapped, and she
doesn't need a call every
time you think of her. If
you call the next day and
leave a message, wait.
If it's meant to be, she
will call you. And if she
doesn't, do you really
think you'll win her over
by leaving 15 messages?
By the third date:
Do change the venue.
Change is good, so get
out of the dinner-anda-movie routine. Start
tailoring the dates for her.
If she says how much
she loves nature, take her
to the botanical gardens.
If she's a sports fan, get
tickets to a game. It will
show that you've been
paying attention.
Do have sex, but
don't sleep over. By
the third date it's safe to
have sex without moving
things along too quickly,
but it may be too soon to
~Ieep over. Do you really
want her to experience
your bed head and morning breath after only three
dates? Make sure to
maintain open communication with the girl you're
dating; you want to be on
the same track.
Don't whip out the
sex toys. Well, not yet
anyway. The consensus
seems to be that bringing toys into your bed
requires some discussion.
Leave the dildos and
vibrators under the bed
until your girl gives the
go-ahead. - Dana Kaye
January/February 2007
I45
My LovelyBearded Lady
It would take more than facial hair to make this woman a man. By Alison Peters
It would be hypocritical of me to tell you that confusing my girlfriend for a man
is a mistake I never made. A mutual friend introduced me to Teri on several different occasions: I'd say hello, take in the medium build, the pretty, light brownskinned freckled face and neat cornrows, then turn away and ignore Teri com-
she gets instant five o'clock shadow. She tried other removal methods, none
worked, and medications initially available to her would hinder the hair growth
pletely, wondering to rnysel£ slightly irritated, Why doesshe keep trying to set me
thicker than most women I know, but it's not abnormally heavy.She doesn't have
excessivechest or back hair, but says her beard has filled in more over the years.
up with thisguy?Or, This is a partyfor women.
Finally my friend set me straight. "Teri is a woman, Alison;' she insisted, exasperated. "She has breasts!"
I still didn't believe her. The next time we met, I looked closely and realized it
wasn't hard at all to recognize Teri's feminine features, that she does, in fact, have
hips and breasts - and a full, thick, salt and pepper mustache and beard.
Teri has excessive facial hair due to a genetic condition called hirsutism,
defined as "heavy, especially abnormal, growth of hair;' especially an adult-male
pattern of hair distribution in women. The effects begin to show around puberty;
when Teri got her first period and breasts, hair began growing on her face and
testosterone built up in her body. The change was so significant that most people,
even some who have known her for years, assume Teri is a black man. All I knew,
but not stop it altogether. So instead of removing her hair, Teri lives with it.
Currently, Teri sports a neatly trimmed beard. The hair on her arms and legs is
She tells me the story of being physically escorted from the Oakland Coliseum
afi:erattempting to use the women's bathroorn."First another woman in the bathroom told me I was in the wrong place, so I told her, 'Lady, do you think I'm
stupid? Don't you think I know how to go to the right bathroom:"" Teri gives a
short laugh. "But she got mad and wouldn't believe I was a woman, so she went
and got security, and I tried to tell them too but they wouldn't listen, and at that
point I was like, forget it. I didn't want to stay there anyway:'
"My life might be easier if I was a man, but I don't want to be one. Do you
understand that:"' Teri's soft brown eyes search my face to make sure I really get
what she's saying afi:erI ask her, bluntly for the thousandth time, if she's sure she's
happy the way she is. "If I were a guy, I'd just be a guy with a beard. Now it's like
initially, was that Teri does not take hormones, does not consider herself trans-
I'm the Bearded Woman, like a sideshow or a freak. I love being a woman. It
sexual and is not going through an FTM sex reassignment procedure.
"My period started when I was ll;'Teri says,"but I didn't get my [facial] hair
would be easier, but I don't want to be a man:'
till I was 13. It started with just a few hairs on my chin and then gradually got
worse:' Her mother was upset by the transformation but not surprised. "She has
some hair;'Teri explains."Her great aunt had a little hair:'Teri and her mom vis-
Although Teri prefers not to make a big deal of correcting strangers who
assume she's a man and recognizes that passing as a man can be an advantage
in particularly hostile locations, I expected things to be different within in the
ited a barrage of doctors, all of whom were fascinated but couldn't offer any cure.
"They all wanted me to take part in their studies, be a lab rat. They tried to put me
lesbian community. Conveniently forgetting my initial reaction to meeting Teri,
I was surprised to find out women in the community don't treat Teri any differently than my nonlesbian friends. 'That's why I stopped going our;' she explains.
on birth control to regulate my hormones;' she remembers.
A condition, not a disease, hirsutisrn may indicate an underlying disorder
"Women just either ignore me, like you did;' Teri looks at me pointedly, "or they
tell me, 'Sorry man, this event is for women:"
It took me a whileto desensitizemyselfto other people'sreactions,
but now I'm comfortablewith Teri's hair. I've grown used to her
beard ticklingme when we kiss, and know preciselywhen it's
grown out too much and will be scratchy.
of androgens, a male sex hormone that develops and maintains certain male
characteristics. In most cases hirsutisrn results from a combination of increased
androgen production and increased skin sensitivity to androgens. Twenty-five
percent of"normal" nonhirsute women have hair on their face (usually the upper
lip), around the areola and over the lower abdomen. Women who are hirsute may
have greatly varying patterns of hair growth, not every woman will grow a full
beard. Mechanical hair removal (plucking, shaving, waxing, depilatory creams)
can help control hirsutisrn, but usually will not remove unwanted hair alrogether.
So afi:erchat first doctor's visit in 1983 to find out what was going on with her
excess hair, Teri's morn decided to deal with the situation the old-fashioned way.
"My mom wasn't surprised, [by the facial hair] but she didn't want it. She said,
'You got to pluck it, do something with it: My dad was like, 'Man, you're not a
boy, shave that off!' So we tried the electrolysis thing and it hurt. And;' Teri adds,
"Some people just don't get it, and they never will:'
It took me a while to desensitize myself to other people's reactions, but now
I'm comfortable with Teri's hair. I've grown used to her beard tickling me when
we kiss, and know precisely when it's grown out too much and will be scratchy. I
laugh at each new gray strand that moves in.
I love the way my girlfriend looks. I forget that there is anything unusual about
her appearance until I introduce Teri to someone new. But I've also stopped trying
to explain her beard, don't correct people when I refer to Teri as'rny girlfriend' and
they insist on designating her as 'he: I don't blame anyone for wondering why Teri
doesn't just shave; it's something I pondered before I realized that Teri's hair is as
much a part of her as my unruly afro is a part of me.
annoyed, "it grew back thicker and blacker:'
I want other people - particularly other lesbians - to understand hirsutisrn; that it doesn't always mean that a bearded woman wants to be a man
nor that she identifies more with men than with women; that it's an often
"It's not something I'm trying to do, it's what is. And you have to work with
what you're given:'Teri's philosophy is deceptively simple. If she shaves her beard,
difficult condition to live with and that every woman decides for herself the
course she will take to seek treatment or live with excessive facial hair. ■
46 I curve
The Skye Is the Limit
America's bad girl, adult performer Skye Blue, is on our side. Sexually, at least.
By Charlotte Rice
:h
Skye Blue just might be the ultimate bad girl. A high-profile former
is
,e
adult actor, Blue, an out lesbian, has been featured in almost every major
men's magazine in the world. That's right: the world. She was featured in
BoogieNights, was once run out of Canada for performing lewd acts using
m
dildos and chainsaws, and won myriad awards (including Best Specialty
1-
Series for StockingStrippersSpanked), along with numerous nominations
m
for AVN awards, often referred to as the "Oscars of Adult Films:' Blue
a
also received the Overall Perfect Woman Award at the 2004 Los Angeles
1t
at
Erotic Convention.
In other words, Blue is a legend in the adult entertainment industry.
Don't be fooled by her utopian beauty -
>U
she is a savvy, no-nonsense
businesswoman whose glamour is surpassed only by her brains. With
et
more than 300 film appearances under her belt in the last 14 years, many
e's
with other huge names of adult film, she's now one of the handful of top
ce
female directors in the industry, working for such prestigious companies
It
as Playgirl TV, Bizarre Video and Wicked Pictures. And she'll be featured
in the upcoming Katherine Linton program Lesbian Sex and Sexuality,a
10
six-part series running on here! network early this year.
5e
"When I chose this profession, I felt that for the first time in my life,
1e
I was making a bold choice to live without pandering to others' expecca-
ri,
tions. I 'grew up' in this business ...
:r-
meaning, I grew into myself into my
ts.
own skin, so to speak. And the funny
ey
thing is, I never really faced any challenges being a lesbian while trying
to pursue a career in adult entertainment, so much as I did [when J
making the crossover from female
performer
to
director-producer.
Part of my motivations in becoming
a director is to honor the way that
women portray sex and erotica versus that which has been portrayed by
the men in the industry:•
romance and embodied with foreplay.
In addition to being the founder
of Platinum Blue Productions, which
produces and distributes adult films,
Blue also presides over Trashmouth
d
Productions,
a
female-oriented
mainstream entertainment
ut
company. She recently produced The Naughty
1n
ne
T
-.vanted to offer something that
women would actually want to watch. I mean, instead of exploring just
the erogenous zone, why not incorporate the emotional zone as well?"
As such, the famous blonde has become a maverick recognized for her
trendsetting montages, explicit yet lush fetish videos, costume dramas and
a dynamic use of technology, including over-the-top scenes featuring creative use of power tools, fire performances, piercing for play and swinging in
Show - Bad Girls of Comedy DVD, which features some of the nation's best
mid-air wearing rock-climbing gear. And as executive producer for Playgirl TV,
female stand-up comics performing their edgiest material. "When women
she was directly responsible for overseeing and creating content for a new plat-
talk about sex, men stop and listen;' Blue says with a laugh.
form of adult programming celebrating women's sexuality and enlisted a group
Being a woman and a lesbian in a male-driven industry isn't always easy.
as
to create something more. Women embrace softer values with ideals of
of Ivy League writers to pen a more intelligent variety of women's erotica.
"Running a respectable business in a disrespected arena has not been the
"This business has been really good to me;• Blue says, "but in this world
easiest field to play on. I believe chat the way I move in this business and the
of adult erotica, I have to play hardball, which sometimes leaves me labeled
integrity that I maintain while doing so has been my best ally. No one who
as a bitch. If someone tells me I can't do something, it only motivates me to
lasted in chis business ever patronized me or gave an over-the-top attitude
prove otherwise. I became a director when I was told I should stick to being a
towards me. What was hard was being taken seriously as a creative filmmaker
performer. I started my own production company when I was told I couldn't.
[was J I actually had ideas about erotica chat involved more than up-close
I became my own worldwide distributor, too, and it wasn't easy, but a big part
shots of the genitalia -
oflife is finding out what you're made of' ■
that is a little over-employed in adult films. I wanted
January/February
2007 \ 4 7
GirlsAre Smitten
Winters are long, but toys are plentifulin Minneapolis. By Holly Dolezalek
At Smitten Kitten, a feminist-owned sex toy
shop in Minneapolis, the owners' philosophy
is twofold: They want to put the Midwest on
the map when it comes to sex, and they want
to "put our pussy where our politics are:'
Opened in 2003 in south Minneapolis, the
"Our inventoryis uniquebecause we're the
only store in the world whose products
are all made without dangerousindustrial
chemicals,"says co-owner JenniferPritchett.
Kitten is one of the few progressive or feminist
sex toy stores in the Midwest (others include
A Woman's Touch in Milwaukee and Early to Bed in Chicago). It's the brainchild of three graduates of the women's studies program at nearby Minnesota
State University who wanted vocations, not just jobs, and the result was a sex
toy store that they say is unlike any other in the world.
"Our inventory is unique because we're the only store in the world whose
products are all made without dangerous industrial chemicals;' says co-owner
Jennifer Pritchett.
Many sex toys are made with phthalates, chemicals that make rubber
and plastic more flexible. These chemicals may be toxic, and some have been
banned in the European Union (although not in the United States). The
Smitten Kitten doesn't carry any products that are made with phthalates.
And the owners don't just trust manufacturers who say their products
are nontoxic. They send products to a laboratory in California for testing
to make sure. That's because there is no consumer regulation of sex toys in
the United States. "This industry is pretty fishy, and you can't trust anyone;'
Pritchett says.
Co-owners Pritchett and Jessica Giordani also advocate toys that are
nonporous. Many toys, particularly jelly toys made of soft types of rubber,
aren't necessarily toxic, but they are porous and have microscopic holes where
bacteria, fungi and viruses can set up shop despite washing. "That's not a sex
48 I curve
toy, that's a Petri dish;' Pritchett says. For consumers who want to be smart
sex toy shoppers, the owners maintain a companion Web site about sex toy
safety at badvibes.org.
The Kitten's meow can be heard at three venues: the store, the Web site
smittenkittenonline.com, and at-home sex toy parties called Pussy Parties
Unlimited. They're like Tupperware parties, only hotter, and the independent
contractors who hold them earn a commission on whatever sells at the parties.
"The at-home sex toy party scene is flooded with opportunities for heterosexual people who are married or coupled;' Pritchett says. "There's nothing for people who are single or who want something else. We welcome all
genders and orientations at our parties:'
Pussy Parties take place in the store after hours. "Participants in these
parties get two hours in the store with two sex educators who give them all
the one-on-one education they need;' says Giordani.
Both remaining co-owners (co-founder Jessie Jacobson left the company in 2006) say that they're all about Midwestern pussy pride, and a
redesigned Web site with images of the erotic in the Midwestern landscape is part of that. "We believe that sex and gender expression are creative
expression, and both the store and the new Web site are intended to reflect
that;' Pritchett says. ■
With a sery affairand a new, nice-girl attitude,
The L Word's RachelShelleytook us all by surprise.
By DianeAnderson-Minshall
First she was the reserved rich Brit, the pent-up babe we loved to hate all the more
when she stole Tina from Bette. But when season three of Showtime's The L Word
rolled around, Helena Peabody was a whole new person: sexy, sultry, nice. When
Dylan -
the gayest straight girl ever to hit the small screen - joined the cast and
gave Helena a little boot knocking, well, this chippy fell hard. And even though
Dylan turned out to be a bit of a cad, lovely actor Rachel Shelley, the woman who
gave life to Helena, is still basking in that post-coital glow.
With dozens of TV appearances from Highlander to Miss Match and an
award-worthy turn in the Oscar-nominated Bollywood film Lagaan: Once Upon
rr.
a Time in India under her belt, Shelley is no stranger to Hollywood. But The L
rant
thq,
still lo
!
Word seems to have solidified her role as a leader of lesbian fiefdom, a fact further
cemented by her upcoming turn, opposite Heather Graham, in February's muchtalked-about lesbian film Gray Matters.
stil
Frie1
We caught up with the 37-year-old English actor as she rushed from a
£ ily Il'
Vancouver production set to her home in London's Notting Hill, to talk about
rotmd c
int, ·mac
The L Word's fourth season, her newfound popularity and making love to
the1-e \\
Alexandra Hedison.
true frie
I
January/February 2007
I51
You played such a pivotal role on The L Word
this year and it seems like you're the character who is really gaining popularity.
[It's hard] to come in and be the character·that everyone hates. That was quite hard at the beginning,
but interesting and different for me ... because I
was always pitched as the good girl before. I don't
know that I was strictly gaining in popularity
[last season], but if that's true, that's lovely.
Fans often call you the most beautiful
woman on TV. How does it feel when you
hear something like that?
Oh, that's ridiculous, that's funny. [Laughs]That's
funny. That's because they see me after 700
hours of makeup and hair. They don't see me
when I wake up in the morning and get out of
bed. They wouldn't say that if they saw that.
You've had some really racy scenes on season three. Are they getting easier to film?
It's funny. I talked about this last year with Alexandra
Hedison, who plays Dylan. Actually doing them,
filming them isn't that hard. That's not hard. But,
sometimes, there, there's like a hangover from it.
There's like an aftertaste, that you can't get rid of
It's not while you're doing it, because I think you
just get on, you know, you know what you've got
to do. You have to throw yourself into it totally;
otherwise it doesn't work. And it's afterwards,
when you might feel a bit, just a bit weird. Like
physically, I felt ... kind of detached from my
body after.... You have to do a lot of intimate
scenes with each other and I think afterwards we
both felt a bit disconnected .... Your brain and
your body have stopped talking to each other
because they're not, they're not listening to each
other anymore.
Because you have to turn it off while
you're filming?
Yeah, I suppose so. I suppose you have to, you have
to just override that .... You have to act all these
things which normally are so natural, you know.
Your body's impulses tell you who you want to
be intimate with and who you don't want to be
intimate with and suddenly you're having to
override that impulse. I did feel a bit jangled-up
after. I'm usually quite, physically, I'm quite free
with my body, and I'm quite open and I found
afterwards, I felt a bit, I felt a bit, what's the
word:' Sort of shattered by it. And after that, for
a good few days afterwards, I felt ... inhibited, I
felt like I wanted to curl up.
That's interesting.
I think that scene with Alex [Hedison] was the
most intimate and the most prolonged scene
that I've had to do like that. And god, I was
glad it was with Alex because she and I got on
so well and still do, you know, so I was really
glad it was with someone [where] we could
look after each other and be very comfortable
with one another.
d
Have you done love scenes with men before?
Yes, nothing quite that intimate though, nothing
as intimate or as kind of prolonged as that was.
We shot that for quite a while.
g,
Have you learned anything from doing
I
i't
these scenes?
ty
I've learned about how different positions make
your breasts look better than other positions
on camera. I've learned that the other actresses, we can help each other a lot, I think. I've
learned that they ... can have an affect on you
:'s
that you might not think they will.
0
You've been involved not just in filming
te
these roles but also being a part of popular
?f
lesbian culture. Has that had an effect on
you, personally?
Oh yeah, in lots of ways. I mean, it's all, for me, actually, it's as much about lesbian culture as it is, I
think, American lesbian culture. I have friends at
ra
home, obviously, who are gay but American gay
culture, I think, is just that little bit different. I
suppose it's very (Los Angeles)-centric, obviously,
'cause the show is set there. One thing that I love
t,
t,
£
about it is that so many gay women are so po-
u
litically aware and so educated here. I guess when
you're in a minority like that ... you're forced to
become politically aware. So that's been interesting. I've learned a lot from a lot of the women that
weve met. And, not just the women that work on
the show and the women who are involved in L
Word, but we get quite a lot of visitors who come
up, who visit the set and sometimes they do these
e
y
e
e
walk-on roles and they're always really fascinating to meet and to learn their stories. You know,
like I've met so many women who have left husbands or [come out] quite late on in life,and now
h
find this whole new lease on life.
e
Do you have one of the stories that's really
e
stayed with you?
There are, yes, but I wouldn't really want to tell
you about them to be honest. Because, you
know, you meet these women ... and you chat
with them, and they tell you their stories and
that's it .... They kind of tell you things in confidence. I think because if they watch the show
they have a familiarity with us, the actors.
Sure, because you're coming into their
e
homes every week.
e
e
Yeah, exactly, so that we feel like a guest, like
friends and we start talking to them and they
often open up about things, which I'm sure
they wouldn't do if if they didn't know my face
>
5
and we'd just met.
On being called the most beautifulwoman
on 1V: "That'sfunny.They say that because
they see me after 700 hoursof makeup and
hair.They don't see me when I wake up in the
morningand get out of bed. They wouldn't
say that if they saw that."
a lot of different women who had come from
all over the world actually and I think they
all had a wonderful time, too. There was this
one woman who'd come from an island called
Malta, which weirdly, I used to live on - a
tiny little island in the Mediterranean - and
she was a teacher, and she was gay and shed
come on around and she said that [since Malta
is) a Catholic country, she could never be
openly gay there and keep her job, (but] it was
just so heartwarming to talk to these people,
these women who'd traveled to be at a convention with like-minded people. You could see,
for her, it was such an amazing experience
just to be around all these other women. And,
she watches the show, and so it was just really,
really quite beautiful actually, very touching.
... It's one thing being an actress who makes
shows to entertain people, right? And it's
another thing altogether to feel like you're part
of a kind of political movement that is helping
in some way. That's amazing, and unusual.
Has the show changed how you
S ()C
You've started doing The L Word conven-
perceive yourself?
:i
)
tions, too. I imagine those are a lot more
You mean my gender or my sexuality? Well, I have
quite a few friends who are gay ... maybe that's
a cliche to say, but I've never really felt there's
much of a boundary between us. Some of my
t:
C
J
~
intimate than, say, a sci-fi convention.
I've never been to one of them, but that's what
they say. It was wonderful, actually. There were
closest friends at university were gay - are
gay.... I've always just thought that ... you're
attracted to a person rather than a gender. I
have a lot of gay friends, so I don't feel that
I needed to do this show to sort of, start to
realize that.
Is sexuality is something that you can control?
Do you mean controlled by the individual, like
their sexual preference? I doubt it. I'd never feel
like I can control mine. [Laughs]
You're also in the
oming film Gray Mat-
ters in which Heather Graham's character
realizes that she's a lesbian. Do you get to
help her down that path in the film?
Yes, you could say that. [Laughs] It's a bit of a
cameo role for me, that that film. But it was
great fun to do and we shot it up here in
Vancouver at the same time as we were doing
The L Word, so it was very easy to go between
the two sets. It was exhausting. Alan Cumming
also did the same. I haven't seen it but yes, I do
help her along the path of discovery.
With your role of Helena on The L Word, do you
feel like Helena helped Dylan discover that
she was a lesbian or bisexual woman? Do you
think she helped her discover that?
Yeah, I think so.
Continued on page 55
January/February
2007
I 53
It's the eve of season four, and The
L Word has a lot to prove By Andrea Searby
I
Statistically, Showtime's hit lesbian series is
on a roll. Following a 2005 nomination, The L
Word snagged a win at the 2006 GLAAD Media
Even so, the show seems to be suffering from
its own identity crisis. The main problem isn't
rooted in Jenny's psychological shortcomings
diverse demographical rap sheet at the expense
of narrative ingenuity. Since the first season, the
problem of accommodating certain "manda-
Awards for Outstanding Drama Series. The
show has garnered accolades for addressing
or Dana's sudden and unpopular exit. It's that
the show tries to occupy so many different positions - some of which seem mutually exclusive
tory" issues and events has grown to include a
long list of obligatory guest appearances, while
complex issues concerning race and diversity,
and has cemented itself in the hearts of lesbians
and in the pantheon of queer pop culture. It's fair
to say that many of us will spend Jan. 7 glued to
our TVs to watch this season's premiere.
However, despite The L Word's apparent
success, this season will be pivotal to determining whether the show will reflect a new and
needed attitude adjustment. For as much critical praise as The L Word has received since
its 2004 premiere, it has also felt a continuous
surge of harsh criticism for the way some story
- that the end result is uncertain and lacking.
At times, I don't know whether I am watching
a dramatic series, a hastily concocted public
service announcement, an alternative medium
for politicians to gain exposure, an Olivia infomercial or a desperate and creative plea for new
writing staff (as with the recently completed
"Fanisode" campaign).
Riddled with uncertainty since the beginning, the situation has only deteriorated. The
show is purportedly about a close-knit group of
women from Los Angeles. However, this close-
the original problem remains unsolved.
Granted, the show takes on a range of
issues, some of which have done quite well; for
example, the complicated family drama between
Bette, Kit and Melvin Porter. It successfully
negotiated issues of race, gender and sexuality
in a critical and tactful way that can be widely
appreciated. But its failures are colossal: Dana's
illness and improbably hasty death did little for
the agenda to cure breast cancer, and Moira/Max
is an insult to the transgender community, to put
it most mildly. Generally shows take some level of
lines have unfolded. Some of the most venomous criticism comes from within the communities designated as the target audience.
knit group has always tried too hard to provide
a 'lesbian for everyone,' so to speak, leaving the
social responsibility when producing occasional
"issue" episodes, but they cannot keep it up
over the course of an entire series.
The L Word currently holds a monopoly over
fictional lesbian visibility in mainstream media.
actual characters and their stories secondary to
the roles they are assigned. The show fulfills a
The blame for the show's progression lies
not only with its creative forces, but with its
54
Icurve
target audience. Both are guilty of forgetting one
golden rule: TV does not represent reality. You personally may not find your fictional counterpart in a close-knit group of
women in L.A., and that's alright. Still, the
controversy over the show's image began at the
first sight of season one's promotional group
photos. Though it's undeniable that a show
which makes visible an underexposed population will be held far more accountable for its
social ramifications, there comes a time when
story lines, character development and overall
quality take priority over demographical accuracy. A line must be drawn at some point, otherwise the result is just a conglomerate of stock
characters trying to fictionally document a time
in history while that very time rapidly unfolds.
One other key problem is the show's inability
to overcome its lingering Queer as Folk expectations. Simply put, The L Word cannot be expected
to fulfill the role of a lesbian version of Queer as
Folk with differences viewed as a deliberate play
on previously established themes.
Queer as Folk did have one key factor that
The L Word has yet to demonstrate: a confident,
self-promoting, fuck-you sense of commitment
to its characters. The show was never intended
to be an event-for-event representation of reality, but ironically that over-encompassing principle is what allowed the show to brilliantly tackle
relevant social issues on its own terms, when
and how it pleased. It's a lesson The L Word
could certainly stand to learn, and this season
will determine if that's ever going to happen.
It would be nice to see some better sex this
season. Lately, it's as though no one on that
show has sex unless it's a set up to disaster.
Lara and Dana started off last season with
a bang that fizzled when Lara discovered the
lump in Dana's breast. Helena hooked up with
Dylan, who is quite possibly the least convincing
"straight" woman in the history of cable television, only to find out that their intimacy was just
part of a blackmail scheme. Alice only seemed
to attract vampires and women hung up on their
exes. And was Shane's relative lack of sex last
season - previously one of the only consistent
trends on the show - just coincidental, or was
it supposed to be part of her maturity process?
If Queer as Folk was to blame for reinforcing stereotypes about gay men and sex, The L Word is
doing the same for lesbian bed death.
For the most part, The L Word's most groundbreaking role was in creating multidimensional
lesbian characters. But the last two seasons
communicates an air of creative complacency.
Now is the time to correct this problem, to get
back to the fundamental L-word, while The L
Word still holds our undivided attention. ■
On herfantasywomen:"KateMoss is up there
with all of our top fantasies. ... Beyonceis gorgeous. She's like, perfect body, she's sassy,
she's all of that. You know who else is really
cool? [Gueststar]AnnabellaSciarra. ... There
werequitea few actresseswho were like,'Ooh,
am I goingto havea thingwithher?Who, who,
who is she for?'"
Continued from page 53
A lot of lesbians have a fantasy about helping straight women discover their sexuality.
lesbian readers but I like a little bit of a belly on
a man. [Laughs]I don't know why I like that.
Oh, really? [Laughs]
That's funny.
Do you think that's possible?
And I'm sure lesbian readers are a bit, "Oh no!" It's
really quite horrible but I don't know where
That straight women can be turned? Wow, I don't
know. I mean, these are such huge questions
you're asking me about humanity. You know
what? I think ... you can make rules but then
there is always the exception to the rule. And I
think that, that can be true of people who, you
know, might be in their 40s, 50s, who ... might
be gay and never think that they would have a
straight relationship. They might be straight and
never think that they could have a gay relationship ... and then something can just knock you
sideways. We all know people who have been in
a heterosexual marriage, brought up kids, and
when their kids are 20 they sort of come to this
huge realization. And that's kind of one of the
stories that we do this season.
I've seen it happen, first hand, with friends of
mine, so who knows?
What changes are in store for Helena?
Oh my god, there's so many. I mean it seems like
so long ago that we left her, and her mother,
Peggy just said, 'Tm disinheriting you:• It's
such a journey, for Helena. It's more of a journey than we've seen in previous seasons.
It must be fun to play that.
Really good fun. It's been nice cause I've also got
to work with some of the other characters that
Helena hasn't really cast off with before, which
is nice. I've done stuff with Kate [Moennig],
who plays Shane, and it's just been interesting
that comes from.
You know that you populate the fantasies of
perhaps a fourth of the lesbians around the
TV viewing globe, at this point. Are there
women who populate your fantasies?
Women who populate my fantasies? OK, who
do I think are the hottest women? That question I will answer. . . . The hottest woman,
I think, and I think everyone on this show
agrees, Kate Moss is up there with all of our
top fantasies.
Wow. A lot of people say Angelina Jolie,
right off the bat.
Really? I mean, she's absolutely stunning, that goes
without saying. I think she'd scare me. [Laughs]
She probably wouldn't scare old Helena but
she'd scare me. Who else? Beyonce is gorgeous. She's like, perfect body, she's sassy, she's
all of that. You know who else is really cool?
Who we have on the show, actually, at the moment? Annabella Sciorra. She's on the show,
she's amazing!
Is she in scenes with you?
No, unfortunately. I don't get to do scenes with
her but she's great, lovely and beautiful. And
yeah, I watched her on The Sopranosand was
like, [gasps]"Who is this woman? She's fantastic!" And now she's on the show, and I kind of
went up to shake her hand, and I was like, "Oh
my god. Hello:' [Laughs]And I think, I think
there were, there were quite a few actresses
who were like, "Ooh, am I going to have any-
to watch her try and find a path that is going
to help her now that her life is so radically
different. And you know, she hasn't had that
much success actually, a modicum of success,
but not much. I've had quite a lot of comedic
stuff, which has been great. And a lot of it with
And who is she for?
Leisha [Hailey], who plays Alice.
I don't know if I can tell you!
thing, am I going to have a thing with her?"
[Laughs]Who, who, who is she for?
What do you find sexy that would surprise
Oh, for goodness sakes!
most people?
You'll have to watch the show. ■
Oh, man. Um, well this won't go down well with
January/February 2007
I 55
From lesbian on Buffy the VampireSlayer to unabashed
bisexual in real life, actor lyari Limon still gives us warm,
fuzzy feelings. By Jocelyn Voo
As we speak, Iyari Limon is trucking toward Black Rock Desert, Nev., at
10 p.m., nine friends crammed into vans on the way to Burning Man. ''I've
been wanting to go for many, many years;' the 30-year-old actor enthuses.
'Tm very excited:' And what's not to love about an eight-day festival outfitted
with 24-hour falafel stations and pole-dancing lesson camps in the middle
of nowhere, culminating in a 40-foot wooden effigy exploding in a blaze of
Case in point: Last Christmas, Limon took an impromptu trip to Peru
with only a backpack and a friend in tow. There, she fished for piranhas,
jumped into waterfalls and climbed Machu Picchu solo, and she loved every
second of it. "In the Amazon, we were camped in these hammocks, and you
could hear the crocodiles crawling underneath us;' Limon laughs. "That's the
part where my friend Paula's like, 'Is this authentic enough for you?"'
pyrotechnics? It's just the type of thing any thrill-seeker is want to do.
Limon is just that: a Jill-of-all-trades, reminiscent of an attention deficit
disorder sufferer without her medication. And I mean that in a good way.
She speaks quickly, has a half dozen projects on hand at any given moment,
and her interests run the gamut. "I love exploring and learning and poking
my nose in things - creative things especially;' Limon says. 'Tm like, 'What's
that? Ooh, I want to try it!' From food to traveling to hiking to jumping off
planes and throwing up your hang glider in the air:'
Now that she's safely back in Los Angeles - a city where crocodiles are
more often seen coating some socialite's handbag than crawling under your
bed - Limon is currently without any long-term acting projects. But that
doesn't mean she's staying put; far from it, in fact. After her 2002 run on Buffy
the Vampire Slayer as slayer-in-training and Willow's love interest Kennedy,
Limon took bit roles in ABC's The Drew CareyShow and CBS's Emmy-winning series Without a Trace,but then had a change of heart about her acting
trajectory and dumped her management in 2005.
56
Icurve
"It's so funny how without a steady job, how busy one can be;' says Limon,
now free from the shackles of the fall pilot season. Instead of being part of an
It was just hanging out, nothing serious, having fun. And then we spent like
every day together from there. But it's very rare that I'm that attracted to
ongoing TV series, Limon has done a slew of Old Navy commercial voiceovers
somebody:'
and gives voice to a character on a new Xbox and PlayStation 3 game slated for
So what was it about Edge that won Limon over:'"[Sandra] was so great,
release this year. 'Tm like this tough, Latina bartender woman. It's really cool!
and then I heard her speaking Spanish and I was like, [gasp], oh my god,
I think her name's Reno;' she says. Moreover, she just wrapped her first full-
you speak Spanish:' You've got this cute little blonde haircut like a boy, and
length Spanish-language film, Maquillaje,in which she's the female lead.
you totally don't look Mexican, and you speak Spanish -
Limon also developed an interest in cooking, resulting in her being the
newest student at Le Cordon Bleu culinary academy. However, only two
weeks into making herself the new Rachael Ray, she learned that the heat in
that's totally hot;'
Limon says.'Tm not attracted to very many people, guys or girls, unless there's
an essence to them:'
That's right, 'guys or girls:' Limon, who came out publicly about her
the kitchen was more than she was prepared for. "I kind of jumped into it;'
relationship with Edge earlier in 2006, was previously married to Napoleon
she says. "It's a really tough school. You have papers to write all night, you have
Dynamite actor Efren Ramirez in 1998, though their union was annulled in
recipes to learn. The second day we had to learn all the cuts and sizes, and we
'99. Still, the actor shies away from labeling herself as bisexual. "I love people.
I love bodies. I find them very beau-
had a quiz within four days without looking
at the measurements, how to cut everything
tiful. If I'm drawn to somebody, I'm
up perfect to the T, and it was timed. Which
drawn to them;' Limon explains. 'TU
was fine, but my chef was very suppressive,
and she made me cry. Nobody makes me
be honest: I am attracted to girls. A
lot of times I'm like, 'Oh, my God,
cry! I had to run into the bathroom, and
that girl's hot!' Or a certain part of
I was like, 'What is this:' I'm here to learn
her body I'll be really drawn to. But
how to cook for fun, not because I want to
that's very physical, and that's only
be a top chef in a fancy restaurant:" Despite
short-term. So when I'm drawn to
her short-lived attendance, Limon plans to
someone or their essence, their spiri-
eventually return to culinary school. In the
tuality, how they think and who they
meantime, she's got one thing to show for
are, if they're in a woman-body or a
her efforts: "I make a really good mushroom
man-body, I'm gonna love that body
because that's the body they're in:'
risotto! That one we perfected in class:'
For her fans, Limon's coming-
Ahh, the way to a woman's heart.
out was mostly a nonissue. But for
But it wasn't her Iron Chef skills that
single-handedly
had
women
Limon's family, accepting the fact
swooning
nationwide. It was the whisper heard 'round
that their daughter was dating a
the lesbian world: "Quiero lamer te hasta que
woman was a different story. In
te vengasen mi bocamil veces"("I want to lick
February, Limon decided to visit
you till you come in my mouth a thousand
her mother in her mother's small
times"). Though many viewers -
presum-
hometown of Autlan, Mexico, for
ably after peeling themselves off the floor
her mother's birthday and Carnaval.
-
may remember the dirty talk coming
At this point, Limon was no longer
from Sarah Shahi in the third season of
dating Edge, but invited her down as
Showtime's The L Word, the original seduc-
a friend to partake in the bull runs
tress was Limon, who improvised the line to
and rodeos and all-night drinking
Katherine Moennig during her audition for
festivities. "I knew I was going to
the role of Carmen.
So the real question is, has she ever used
her trilingual ways to seduce anyone in real life:' "Not that directly;' Limon,
"People were going to talk from the
minute we showed up, 'cause that's what they do in small towns. But I don't
who speaks English, French and Spanish, says with a laugh. ''I've whispered
care. I'm not going to hold back who I am or who's in my life:'
hear it from the town;' Limon says.
dirty things, but I don't think I've whispered those words exactly. I'm more of
Indeed, Edge's visit was monumental, not just for Limon's family but also
an action person than a talking person:'
Which would make sense, considering Limon was the one to make the
for Limon herself. "My husband begged me to go to this town to meet my
first move with her ex -
two met through a mutual friend at a nightclub where Edge was spinning,
even took him! It was like, this is very sacred, it's all my family, my grandparents, my aunts. I never took anyone. [Edge is] the first person and only
but it was a far cry from textbook romance. "I just was really drawn to her
person I ever took:'
and first public girlfriend -
DJ Sandra Edge. The
from the beginning;' Limon remembers. "But she didn't even favor me. She
family;' Limon says of the time she was married to Ramirez. "And I never
Though some women - gay and straight -
give bisexual women a hard
didn't turn around [from her turntables]:' Limon claims that she's generally
time, viewing their "either/or" attitude as a cop-out from full-on lesbian-
not the romantic predator, but after two unsuccessful attempts to win a sec-
ism, the actor's confidence and candor is refreshing. "The great thing is that
ond glance, she marched directly up to Edge and began putting on the moves.
I know I can be with either a man or a woman;' says Limon, who is currently
"I just started flirting with her, putting on her hat, and she was teaching me
dating a man. "And that's huge for me because I'm not confused or doubt-
how to use her system. I had no problem being the one to approach her at
ing or thinking, 'Oh God, am I gay or am I not:" I'm very comfortable and
all;' Limon says. "That same night, we went to my friend Jenny's and we all
very grounded. I know that I can be with either one, because if it's the right
person, I can be happy:' ■
hung out all night, and it was great, and the next day she cooked me dinner.
January/February 2007
I 57
PowderPuffGirs
How I learned smelling sweet isn't always the best thing. By Harlyn Aizley
It began at birth, my well,meaning mother powdering my bottom
after every diaper change. That it continued until well into my 30s
- the powdering, not the diapering - is the problem. Everyone's
powdered as a baby. Not everyone powders herself silly into adult,
hood, covering the crotch of her underpants and even her very
grown,up, birth,preventing, insert,it,far,inside,you
diaphragm
with a daily layer of talcum powder.
So there are two issues here. One is talc. The other is my
mother's obsession with bodily odors. For now, let's talk about talc.
Talc is so closely related to the known carcinogen asbestos that the
biggest powder manufacturer of all might as well rename its most
famous brand of baby powder to Baby Asbestos. Not only that,
but numerous studies show a strong link between frequent use of
talc in the female genital area and ovarian cancer, and that talc par,
tides can sometimes be found in tumors of ovarian cancer patients.
58
I curve
That's why with my mother dead and gone, dust and chips of bone
at rest in an urn on top of my dresser thanks to a nasty bout of
metastatic ovarian cancer, it doesn't feel far,fetched to suggest that
the refusal by manufacturers of baby /body /lady asbestos to put
warning labels on each and every container of talcum powder is the
equivalent of taking random shots at consumers with a revolver.
I project my rage onto the most well,known company - one
that ranks among HRC's best for gay employees but shall, despite
my protests, remain nameless thanks to the complexities of indie
publishing more than anything else - with no fear of reprisal,
because they manufacture Shower to Shower, my mother's talc of
choice. After every evening's bath (maybe you're only supposed to
apply it after a shower?) my mother would sprinkle Shower to
Shower into a fresh pair of underpants before putting on the whole
death sentence and going to bed. She sprinkled Shower to Shower
Where to Get the Shot
Now you want it, so how do you get it? Dr.
Jeanne Marrazzo has suggestions:
•
Talk to your doctor.If you have medical
insurance and a regular doctor, talk to your
doctor about whether she carries it and
whether it's available.
•
Talkto yourinsurance
provider.
If you have
health insurance, give your provider a call.
most placebo-controlled studies performed
has the potential to save millions of dol-
cally I could go insane, never want to have
by respected physicians from prestigious
lars in treatment costs, Marrazzo said she
sex again, grow a beard or all of the above.
universities do not adhere to the empirical
So, upon the left one, there seems to be
rules of the road and so are as fl.awed and
happily foot the bill.
a cyst of the complex variety. Not a simple,
subjective as is my claim that powder manu-
Visita community
clinic.If you don't have
clear follicular cyst like most menstruat-
facturers killed my mother.
insurance, call your local community clinic
ing women host each month, but an alien
find out whether they offer the shot and
an
sounding "node"
reasons powder manufacturers are market-
Callyourcountyhealthdepartment.
Local
ing cornstarch rather than talc. I've never
government agencies can give you a sense of
where the vaccine is available and whether
thing going on:'
"Gee, powder containers used to say pure
Let me tell you, when your mother died
talc, now they boast of being pure corn-
of ovarian cancer and your gynecologist calls
starch. I wonder what the heck happened?"
you to say "there's something going on;' and
Nor have I ever heard anyone suggest how
suspect it is that the biggest manufacturer
the first thing you do is shit your brains out.
of Baby Asbestos
Then you have the ovary removed, why mess
pany ALZA Corporation -
Ways to Save
around. That means 10 days later you'll be
Doxil, a form of chemotherapy for the treat-
short an ovary and the hormones that go
ment of metastatic ovarian cancer. It's a free
If you don't have insurance but want the vac-
with it. This of course willtrigger an infinite
market after all.
-
via its family commanufactures
cine, the US. Centers for Disease Control and
cascade of gut-wrenching thoughts about
The point is this: Don't powder your
Prevention and other agencies are working to
your own life as well as that of your deceased
vagina, your underpants, your diaphragm.
Consider me a friend, an acquaintance at
make the vaccine affordable for you. Check out
mother, which will cause you finally -
these programs before you pay full price.
years after her death -
three
to take her ashes off
a dinner party, a sticker on a tollbooth, a
the dresser and scatter them in the bay of her
lunatic camped out in front of the powder
pre-mortem choosing, and then four months
manufacturer's worldwide headquarters in
later consider having a rip-roaring affair
New Brunswick, N.J. with a handmade sign
with the mayoress of Wrongville. But that
that reads, "Have you heard there's a poten-
policy and offers grants to ensure that low-
is another story altogether -
an offshoot
tial link be ween ovarian cancer and talcum
income and underrepresented groups have
or branch or tributary, depending upon your
powder use in the cuntish region?" Don't
access to health vaccines.
metaphorical mood, maybe related to ovarian
worry, I won't ask whether you've thought
cancer and maybe not.
about why you want your downstairs so soft
set its policy, but Marrazzo said the group
Suffice to say if there's one thing the big
and pure in the first place. Men could be
is considering offering reduced-cost vac-
powder manufacturer stole from me, other
powdering their balls for all I know, which
cines to women 18 and under from Native
than my mother, it's illusion. But how do
I don't know due to my lesbianic tenden-
American backgrounds.
you prove that empirically? How do you take
cies. Just in case, this would be a nice place
your lifetime illusions of maternal immor-
to note that Ortho-Clinical
tality, unconditional love and monogamy,
Inc., another of the powder manufacturer's
trap them in smooth glass test tubes and
farnly companies, is developing an assay
then pour them out to measure here and
that tests for alpha-fetoprotein, a testicular
Who: Merck is developing a program to make
there against controls to determine whether
cancer monitoring marker. Sorry fellas. A
the vaccine available at a discounted price
the death of your mother, secondary to the
buck's a buck. And if you want to keep yours
to women over 18 who make less than 200
backfiring of her womanhood, caused you
-
percent of poverty level in your state.
one day to want to dismantle your own life?
for you too.
Gardasil.
':t
But that's not the point. Nor is the fact that
0
16 years spent managing clinical trials at an
~
overheard a shopper say to him or hersel£
that something is a complex ovarian cyst,
Merck Pharmaceuticals
What: The drug company that developed
()
Nowadays, you can buy pure cornstarch
powder. No one has confessed to the true
that is alarming enough to cause my gynecologist to call me and say, "There's some-
Who: At press time, the ACIP had not yet
()
of matter containing
even more otherworldly
Advisory Committee of Immunization
Practices
What: Partner of the CDC that helps set
::i
conglomeration
if it's available on a sliding scale.
it's available at a discounted price.
0
Ivy League medical school taught me that
Ask if they cover the vaccine. Because it
to
•
Powder Puff Girls continues from page 59
threatens to jolt my hormones so dramati-
suspects that most insurance carriers will
•
When your mother died of ovarian cancer
and your gynecologist calls you to say
"there's something going on" and that
something is an ovarian cyst, the first
thing you do is shit your brains out. Then
you have it removed, why mess around.
bucks and balls Pass it
Diagnostics,
I'd say it's cornstarch
on. ■
January/February 2007
I61
Reviews
Sapphic Screen
Pirates and Wenches, Oh My!
Three new DVDs tackle interesting queer girl territory.
I
yTracy E. Gilchrist
EDITOR'S
FullFrame
Shorts
Documentary
Vol.4 andthe
FilmFestival
Docurama
Filmdis(Docurama):
takes
tributorDocurama
theirloveof documentaryfilm to an all-time
highwiththeirnew
at-homefilm festival.
Seethe moviesyou'd
seeat a festivalbut in
yourownhome,via DVD,
anywherein the country.
It's a greatconceptwith
flicks
trulysuperlative
likequeerteenfilm The
of ShelbyKnox,
Education
NativeAmericanhistory
pop culture appears to be coming to terms with
and Mainstream
BrokenRainbow,
Tony AwardCatholic lesbian characters on the small screen, and with
the challenging
to MelGibson, winning actors kissing their girlfriends on their way to the
response
winner's podium on national television. But dyed-in-theIf
SisterRose'sPassion.
wool lesbian filmmakers are making movies where it's hard
youcan'tcommitto a
wholefestivallineupof
to pigeonhole identifiers like lesbian, butch and femme. Not
amazingdocumentary so long ago, painful coming-out stories rife with unrequited
films comingto your love for bi-curious (and ultimately straight) friends proliferhouse,pickupthe shorts ated in lesbian storytelling, but now queer filmmakers are selfcollectionfromNorth
reflectively questioning roleplaying, lesbian sex and even sex
Carolina'sFullFrame,
with men. These three new DVDs are good examples.
the country'spre-eminentdocfest- which
featuresKatherine
Leggett'scaptivating It's fitting that Maria Maggenti, who delivered 1995's The
Incredibly True Adventure of 2 Girls in Love - a benchmark
taleof growingup in a
town high school tale in which the baby butch gets the girl rather than
smallMidwestern
with closetedgaypar- winds up on suicide watch - now examines the intricacies of
ents,SmallTownSecrets lesbian identity in Puccinifor Beginners.Intellectually evolved,
- andgeta tasteof
emotionally stunted, opera-loving with a dash of tough femme
whatyou'remissing. Allegra, played by Elizabeth Reaser, refuses to say the L-word,
(docurama.com)-Diane to the chagrin of her girlfriend, Samantha. Once Samantha
Anderson-Minshall
on a
dumps Allegra for failing to commit, Allegra embarks
journey to avoid self-discovery and begins an affair with a man
(played by cutie Justin Kirk of Showtime's Weeds) and with
his ex-girlfriend Grace (played by The Notorious Bettie Page's
Gretchen Mol).
Reaser - a rising star who was recently featured in The
Family Stone and who looks a bit like a baby Julia Roberts portrays Allegra with a melange of cool hotness, intellectual
62 I curve
condescension and self-effacing narcissism. Maggenti snagged
The L Word's Laurel Holloman to play the lead in True
Adventure, and now the actor is a darling of our community.
That same casting panache could mean the beginning of a
beautiful relationship between Reaser and her lesbian cinema
lovers. Besides, any filmmaker who casts Mol as a moonlighting glassblower in the midst of an affair with a woman knows
how to play to her audience.
More than a decade after True Adventure, director Maggenti
has proven she's got the chops to keep the girls coming.
It's a new breed of upstairs/ downstairs at one Vancouver apartment house in director Desiree Lim's charming Flooredby Love.
In a mere 50 minutes, Lim explores cross-cultural hijinks when
Japanese Janet (played by Natalie Sky) pops the question to her
Chinese girlfriend Cara (played by Shirley Ng). Lim throws in
some screwball comedy when Cara's parents, who don't know
she's gay, turn up with a moment's notice at the lesbian couple's
doorstep. Short-haired and tomboyish Cara heads for the skirt
at the back of the closet and the ruby red lipstick buried in the
junk drawer in an attempt to throw her parents off the trail.
Meanwhile their downstairs neighbor Jesse, a gay teen, grapples with his good-time gay dad's rare visit. While the movie
explores Janet and Cara's struggle to convince their parents that
their love is real, Lim focuses her lens on Cara's fear of saying,
"I do:' (And mea culpa: I give the film extra kudos for liberally
placing issues of
CURVE
in the mise-en-scene.)
irate tnd Wenches continued on page 71
DVD PICKS
centfashion,theirresentment
towardsociety'sgenderroles
becomes
projected
ontoeach
other.Complete
with13-yearolds'birthdayparties,brafittings,
bonersandUFOs,
50 Waysof
Saying
Fabulous
is an honestand
vulnerable
film sureto endear.
(olivefilms.com)-Sonia
Kreitzer
Noa
a (Wolfe
Video):The1997romanticcomedy,nowon DVD,centersaround
unsuccessful
stand-upcomedian
Kira(Kathleen
Fontaine)
andher
friends,one-nightstandsand,
finally,lover(DesidelValle).The
womenarecute,theplotis mildly
chaotic,andthe datedquality
of the movieactuallyaddsto its
comicappeal.Thereis anoverall
amateurish
touchto thefilmmaking,butthe eccentriccharacters,
occasional
lovemaking
anda
numberof hilariousscenesmake
for a fun eveningonthecouch
withthe girls.(wolfevideo.com)
- UrsulaSteck
IJJ
(Logo):It maysurprise
someto knowthat Noah's
Arc,
a showaboutfourgaymale
African-American
friendsin Los
Angeles,
is a smashhit among
lesbians
- especially
lesbians
of color.Butthat'swhat'shappening,especially
afterLogo
premiered
theseasontwoopener
onlineandhookedthousands
moredykefans- yes,one
episodeis all it takes.Good
news:thiscomedysoap(think
SexandtheCitymeetsSoulFood
withgaymen),is on DVDjust
in timefor youto findouthow
Alex,Ricky,NoahandChance
cametogetherandhowthey
still struggleovercareer,love
andLala Land.(logoonline.com)
- DianeAnderson-Minshall
Joyce Draganosky
I
WRITERAND DIRECTOR I
Brooklyn filmmaker Joyce Draganosky understands love. She and partner Laureen Callo
have been charming audiences all year with their quirky lesbian romantic short, TheScience
of Love. Draganosky is an Emmy Award-winning writer, director and filmmaker whose
previous films include ExtremeMom and the gay hit Jared.By day, she writes and directs
for clients including HBO, Time Warner and NBC. - Diane Anderson-Minshall
Tell
(SweetPix):
Become
a rockstarin bedwith
thisfabulously
fun exercise
programthatlightheartedly
trains
youfor the bedroom,
improves
yourselfesteemandmakesyou
feelsexyinsideandout.And,if
sexualvitality'snotimportant,
well,it's full of dykeychicksin
(OliveFilms):Whena film opens tinyretro-looking
shorts.(sweetwithsheepstumblingthrough
moves.com)
- DAM
theunlikelypasturesof scorched
MinorAccomplis
mountains
in the heatof New
(IFC):
Zealanddrought,theonlylogical
screenwriter
and
presumption
is that somesheep Struggling
ragingnarcissist
Jackie
will be left behindwhileothers
Woodman
navigates
herway
struggleto maintaintheirplace
throughHollywood
in this
in the group.Inthischarming
little-knowngemof IFC.Aspring
film aboutthe lattergroup,
Tinseltownies
will fall in lovewith
13-year-old
Billydiscovers
his
attractionto boyswhenhestarts theshow'ssharpwritingandbelievablyflawedcharacters.
Minor
experimenting
withthe newkid
Accomplishments
hascomedian
at school.Hisbestfriend,the
LauraKightlinger
to thankas its
androgynous
tomboyLou,who
writer,executive
producer
and
prefersto go by "Brad,"fights
leadactor.(ifc.com)- Catherine
herownfeministwarthrough
rugby.Ultimately,
in trueadoles- Plato
The Scienceof Love is a lesbian romantic comedy that asks the question, "Can
you prove lovet So we have Sydney, and she's a buttoned-up, "brainy but beautiful" professor who dashes with her boss Ileana, who's totally sexy and seductive. And they are arguing over Sydney's research, that claims brains scans can
measure true love. And there's all this sexual tension. And then they have a sexy
sword fight in stiletto heels. It's really a wacky little movie. I loved making it.
Wh
Well, that's the old adage .... And yes, I think it does. It's an age-old battle, the
one between intellect and emotion. The mm(. , ants one thing, and the heart
wants another. Who hasn't experienced that?
, ry
Abduction! My partner and I had just finished making The Scienceof Love
and we were beyond exhausted. She happened to have a big birthday that
week, but I fooled her into thinking that we weren't going to do anything but
... while I was making the film, I was also secretly setting up an elaborate surprise. The day before her birthday, I went to her office to take her to lunch, but
instead, I put her in the car, drove to the airport, and took her to Paris. Our
limo drove up to the Plaza Athenee, where I got a huge, elaborate suite ... the
one with the view of the Eiffel Tower and more bathrooms than you need, and
when we entered the suite, I had dozens oflong-stemmed roses, chocolate and
champagne. There is nothing more exciting that abducting someone for love.
She was so surprised, she cried. It wasn't very rational. We'd just spent a boatload of money on the movie. But it was worth every penny. Sometimes,you
have to just throw logic out the door and follow your passions. And we're
together 11 years now, too. It just keeps getting better and better. ■
January/February 2007
I 63
Reviews
In the Stacks
Two for the Girls
In a man's world, sometimes we have to stick together.
EDITOR'S
"Are my generation's workplace struggles to be repeated in our
daughter's saturation with all things Barbie and Bratz and
Hello Kitty?" not to mention the cheerleading her own girl is
It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters,
obsessed with? I doubt I'll know the answer to this until my
own daughter reaches adulthood. But based on where things
currently stand in my own home and those of many of these
Giving birth to a daughter was probably the most defining
moment of my adult life. It not only challenged me in previously
unimaginable ways, but it also made me acutely aware that I was
now responsible for more than just my own precious bundle.
accept nothing less than full athletic participation. Still, our
crowd of feminist mothers now must ask, as Peskowitz does,
Icurve
y Rachel Pepper
Two new books show that straight and gay women should unite
on the issues that shape our experience in a male-centric world.
A SimpleDistance, Incredibly, or so it seemed, the fate of the state of girlhood now
K.E.Silva{Akashic):In
rested on my shoulders, and it has proven a heavy yet ultimately
Silva'squietlyaffecting joyful burden to carry.
first novel,Jean,a Bay
The writers in the
arealesbiancivilnew anthology It's a Girl
rightsattorney,faces
acutely feel this burden.
thejaggedpathsof a
life that shesayswas Feminist writers includdividedfromthe start: ing Jacquelyn Mitchard,
"I wasbornwith quick- Joyce Maynard and Gayle
growingrootsthat snuck Brandeis share essays that
betweenmy parents grapple with how to balandsplitmyfamilyinto ance one's own girlhood
pieces."WhenJean herstory against letting
returnsto herparents' our daughters blossom
homelandin theWest and stretch their own set
Indiesto helpalleviatea
of wings. One lesbian
familycrisisintertwined
hovers in the pack with
with the island'somiLatty's short essay that opens with 'Tm
nouspoliticalsituation, "Girl House;' Yvonne
via artificial insemination;' a process she
pregnant
got
I
and
gay
shemustalsoconfront
create a boy. Surprise! She produced
would
was)
I
(as
sure
was
a deepcrisisof self.Her
princess-adoring, I-must-wear-acurly-haired,
"pink-loving,
a
lesbianaffairduringher
lasttrip to the island dress-every-day, paint-my-nails-and-toenails-please, I-am-sohasbothalienatedJean beautiful kind of girl:'
fromthe communityand
As befits this collection's tide, there are several requisite
threatenedhermother's stories about the surprise of having a girl child and learning
placethere- butthe
to deal with girls' obsessions with Barbie, princesses and pink
fallout
moredangerous
tutus. Although these things can strike a chord of fear into the
lieswithinJean'sown
heart of any feminist mom, soon enough they fade away into
exilefrom
self-imposed
the new clutter of black soccer shorts, Scooby Doo videos and,
intimacy.Althoughthis
least in our house, the ever-expanding collecting of Littlest
at
is a deeplyinterior
novel,Silvaalsooffers Pet Shop animal toys.
Though many of the essays are written from the perspective
an intricatelyplotted
of new motherhood, mothers of older girls will still find the
in
taleof homophobia
islandlife. book enjoyable, since there's nary a bad essay in the bunch. In
postcolonial
Withherunderstated fact, several made me choke up, like Amy Bloom's "Me and My
proseandemotional Girls:' Another stand-out essay was "Cheerleader" by Miriam
Silvaproves Peskowitz, whose daughter, like mine, adores Hillary Du.ff,
intelligence,
herselfto bean emergthe PrincessDiaries, skorts and American Girl dolls. Like me,
ingwriterto keepan eye
Peskowitz was born in 1964 and remembers the signing of the
on.(akashicbooks.com)
Tide IX legislation that would allow our daughters today to
-Julia Bloch
64
I
writers, I'd say the future of girlhood is in pretty good hands.
Pink Ribbons, Inc.: Breast Cancer and the Politics
of Philanthropy, Samantha King (University of
s
Pink Ribbons, Inc. takes as its premise an intriguing concept
- that the commercialization of breast cancer may have
changed the landscape for disease treatment and acceptance,
but has done little toward its prevention. This idea is not new;
activist groups like Breast Cancer Action have been trying to
get this message out for several years. Still, the relevance of a
book-length treatise is that this idea can no longer be ignored.
Once a secret, shameful condition, breast cancer is now a widely "marketed" disease, with its ubiquitous symbol of hope, the
pink ribbon, on postage stamps, T-shirts, hats, bracelets and
even yogurt caps. How did the search for a cure for breast cancer, this book asks, become
about consumption,
not
prevention? How is it that
many of the biggest pharmaceutical companies of
cancer-treatment drugs are
sponsors of cancer walk-athons? How, author King
PINK
R•BBONS
• -C~ .. ,t·-,,~J,1.//JJK,./H,1 •.,,N,.
t.C.
-
wonders, is it that this notion of the "empowered"
patient, able to proudly
participate in "thons;' has
become "institutionalized
and incorporated into the
fabric of the cancer establishment?" A fabric, she
argues, that does not provide all women - particularly poor
women and women of color - equal access to treatment.
Why are women being coached to be so cheerful and not
to angrily demand the kind of protest that, King reminds us,
author Audre Lorde imagined with her "army of one-breasted
women" descending on the Capitol, demanding that "the use of
carcinogenic, fat-stored hormones in beef-feed be outlawed?"
King makes no claim of an easy answer, since the consumerist
response to disease is merely "one set of symptoms of a much
broader set of social, political and economic conditions:• Still,
Pink Ribbons, Inc. is a fascinating read for anyone whose life
has been touched by breast cancer. In this day and age, unfortunately, that's likely to be all of us. ■
2007 is the
year for...
PAGE TURNERS
SuperVillainz,
AliciaE.
Goranson
(Suspect
Thoughts):
Inthe prologueto Goranson's
first
novel,thewinnerof a Project:
QueerLit award,a transchick
namedBittellsJamesDeanesquetrannyboiDevonthat
bodiesarelike"strangehusksin
oddshapesthathadto be masteredlikeplayinga cello."The
elegantimageis at funkyodds
withthis high-speed
graphic
adventure
novel,whichoffsets
its grittyBostonstreetssetting
witha storythatcouldbe lifted
fromthe pagesof a sexy,witty
transgender
comicbook.After
BitandDevonwitnessthe death
of a mysteriously
charismatic
superhero
whorescuesthem
froma mugging,theybecome
thetargetsof hisvengefulfamily
membersandmustsolvethe
mysteryof the man'sabilities
whilesomehownavigating
the
terrainof livinglow rentand
evolvingidentityat thesame
time.(suspectthoughts.com)
-JB
Deathof a Department
Chair,
LynnC Miller(UWPress):
Thisdrollandprovocative
takeon a classicmurderyarn
beginswith a letterfromthe
accused- professorMiriam
Heldwhowassuspected
of
killingherbossandformerlover
IsabelVittorio- andgoeson
to chronicleMiriam'sjourney
throughthe morassof evidence
andatmosphere
of paranoiaand
mistrust.Pitchperfectin prissy,
satiricalfashion,it's a behindthe-scenes
taleof lesbian
academia
with metaphors
that
applyto anyworkplace.(wise.
edu/wisconsinpress)
- Diane
Anderson-Minshall
Unexpected
Ties,GinaL.Dart
(BoldStrokes):
LoversKateand
Nikkiaresweptup in another
mystery
whena localscionends
upfacedownin desertat a society
dinner,buttheyhavefamilyissues
to dealwith:a meddling
grandma
andtheirownunlikelyrelationship.
(boldstrokesbooks.
com)- DAM
hmm...
more...
more
friends
ft.Jr,I
•
Mona E.
IAUTHOR I
Mona E. was set to be an immigrant success story: educated with
a master's degree from NYU and making strides as a successful
public relations consultant in Los Angeles. But after a severe back
surgery, being laid off and an introduction to crack cocaine, her story
changed. After her first few puffs, Mona spent the next three years
stealing from her family, scamming drug dealers and obsessing over
her next fix. Three years sober now, she has put her experiences in a
memoir, DisCOKEnnected.-
Lauren Palmigiano
Early in the book, you state that to be an artist you need to
"have the most important element in the formula: the selfdestructive, fucked-up, life-sabotaging attitude." Do you
still believe that?
No. I do believe, however, that artists are more prone to falling
WANT TO
CO PARENT?
into that trap simply because they have an overly pronounced
sensitivity and sensibility toward life which at times makes it
harder for them to overcome some of the simple challenges of
life. Especially when they are unable to channel their creativity and energy in a productive way.
Did you experiment with drugs prio to crac ?
No, I had never experimented with drugs prior to that first
night. I knew absolutely nothing about crack before I started
using. Back then my perceprion of drug users was very
negative -
I simply wanted nothing to do with them, for
I narrow-mindedly considered them failures and criminals.
Now of course, I sing a different tune. I don't judge anybody.
Visiting a lot of bad neighborhoods and sometimes scamming dealers for crack, did you eve fear for your safety?
I never really was conscious about the danger that I was
facing because I was either too high to feel anything or too
blinded by the craving ... I was lucky in the sense that I always
got away with my scams and never had to prostitute myself
for crack. However, [my girlfriend] Angie did not have such
luck. I remember one time we went to see her dealer, and I
was to wait in the living room while the two of them locked
Straight divorced male, 52, 5'10",
blond but graying/blue, Harvardeducated, almost famous investor/
author/animal welfare activist/long
distance cyclist seeks cheerful,
health-conscious, well-educated
lesbian (or committed couple) to
bear and coparent his children. Will
pay for children's food, clothing,
and health care, as well as private
school, college, grad school,
weddings, etc. Can relocate.
themselves up in the bedroom. I wasn't sure if her dealer expected me to visit that room once she would be done, but I
ILikeBearsDo You@aol.com
was prepared to leave without obliging. ■
January/February
2007 \ 65
Reviews
Music Watch
Fresh Faces for the New Year
These up-and-coming artists are sure to turn heads in 2007. I By Margaret Coble
EDITOR'S
PIC
A Piano:The
Tori
Collection,
Amos(Rhino):
Tori
Amos'sublimemixture
of pop,piano,rockand
superbstorytellinghas
beenamongmyall-time
favoritessinceher
debutin 1992.Nowthis
newcollectionoffers
up herclasics,B-sides,
rarities,remixesand
previously
unreleased While none of the artists I mention below are newcomers to
worksin thisfive-disc the music world by any means, they might have slipped under
boxset packaged
to look your radar, and it's my job to make sure you take notice. Chris
likea miniaturepiano. Pureka, Nervous but Excited, and Arthur Loves Plastic featurOneof the bonuses:
ing Lisa Moscatiello are dykes to watch - or, I guess, listen
an extendedversion
- out for in the new year.
of herdebutalbum,
LittleEarthquakes.
This
is well worththe $75. Dr,, ~d C ri Pu eka 'S d Rab i+)
(rhino.com)-Diane Even if you're not familiar with her solo music, you might recogAnderson-Minshall nize Pureka's name (or cute face!) from her collaborations with
together as Nervous but Excited, briefly known as Kate & Sarah.
The Michigan-based duo play "pleasantly aggressive'' (their
own term, hence the name of their label) acoustic folk music,
blending progressive politics, sharp wit, and deep introspection
with nuanced harmonies and a bevy of stringed instruments on
their debut 11-track release. The album opener, "Lansing;' is a
sweet folk-pop love letter
to
their hometown and one of the
strongest cuts on the disc, while "Slow and Steady" is a sparse
banjo-mandolin-accordion love song, and "Living Room, Early
AM" is a beautiful, moody acoustic guitar instrumental featur-
folk-poet extraordinaire Alix Olson. The New England-based,
ing upright bass and tablas. It's hard for me to put my finger on
self-identified genderqueer co-wrote the music for and recorded
exactly what makes Nervous but Excited stand out among the
several tracks on Olson's first two albums, as well as toured with
neverending stack of singer-songwriter acoustic folk CDs that
her in 2001 when Olson was just getting started. Since then,
cross my desk, but they definitely got my attention. (nervous
hutexcited.com)
Pureka released a self-titled debut in 2001, Driving North in
2004, and her third album, Dryland, just recently. Her deeply
personal and passionate songwriting style draws on hardships
in life and relationships for most of her fodder, with a lyrical
style that's poetic while still accessible. Her hushed vocals are a
little rough around the edges and richly emotive, and her guitar
playing is, well, breathtaking. Very few contemporary singersongwriters pay as much attention
to
their guitar technique
as to their vocals and lyrics, but Pureka's got the whole package. The album opener, "Intro;' is an instrumental show-off of
that killer guitar skill, flowing gently into "These Pages;' a rambling vignette of interpersonal awkwardness. The fingerpicking
"Compass Rose" is my personal favorite, but the whole album
is just gorgeous to listen to. Fans of Patty Griffin and Mary
Gauthier ought to give Pureka a spin. (chrispureka.com)
Once More . . . With Feeling, Nervous but Excited
s t y A qre siv )
Kate Peterson and Sarah Cleaver are accomplished singersongwriters in their own rights, and now they've teamed up
66
I
curve
Troubled, Arthur Loves Plastic featuring Lisa
oscatiello (Ma~hine Hea~)
I know I've mentioned several releases by prolific D.C.-based
electronic producer DJ Bev Stanton, aka Arthur Loves Plastic,
over the years. I believe I even mentioned the album that's
the source material for this remix project, Lisa Moscatiello's
superb, award-winning Trouble From the Start, for which
Stanton wrote/ co-wrote five tracks. So I guess I just can't
resist plugging this new project which transforms Moscatiello's
lush jazz-folk rock album into a swirling, bubbling electronic
soundscape that mesmerizes from start to finish. On several
of the cuts, Stanton selects a vocal phrase or refrain from the
original song to build her new interpretation, making them
totally new songs. "I Can Dream" ("Exile" from Moscatiello's
disc) stands out as a haunting favorite, but the entire disc
makes for great mood/ sex/ exercise/ road trip music. Kudos!
(arthurlovesplastic.com) ■
OTHER LICKS
IgniteSound}:Out
(Few'II
andjazzyfolk-pop
Canadian
artistSwiftreturnswith herninth
disc,anotherwinself-released
nerfilledwithheruniquemusical
political
/ fusionandleft-leaning
lyrics.(emberswift.com)
I MeWithTre
•
La
{Cherchez
ThePacificNorthwest
Femme}:
neverstopschurningoutthe
greatindiepop-punkmusic,and
thisboy-girlduofromPortlandis
by
thelatesthotstuff.Produced
Sloan(TheNeed),released
Radio
label.(cher
onSarahDougher's
com)
chezlafemmeprojects.
ISINGER-SONGWRITER
gyny
I
~
CT£f.'
-n1
With a sexy shaved head and velvety vocals, gender-bending diva
Androgyny will surely become a dyke favorite in no time, especially with her upcoming L Word appearance. The Nigerian-born
singer-songwriter blends gospel, jazz and soulful pop into a sound
so smooth we'd fall for her even if she were a straight chick (which,
thankfully, she's not). -
Catherine Plato
I)
Do
R
I would
{SAFRecords}:
neverhavepredicteda reunion
oftheseminal1970sU.K.girl
punkbandtheSlits,butoriginal
Ari-UpandTessaPollit
members
Wh
arebackwitha three-track
EPfeaturingthesurprisingly
dub
bass-heavy,
contemporary,
"SlitsTradition."
reggae-flavored
co.uk)
(theslits.
Only on one song, 'i\nd I Love You;' where I do play the native African conga drum. I have one that was custom made
and given to me by my mother on my birthday a few years
ago. It hangs on my walls at home
to
remind me of my heri-
tage, and it is my pride and joy.
?
Oh honey, I have the most haphazard songwriting process •...
I simply write when I am inspired to. So if I am inspired by
something at 6 p.m. in the heart of traffic on [Los Angeles']
405 freeway, I start to write there and then - yes, I know
I shouldn't do it while driving, but if I don't jot something
down, it disappears as soon as it came.
Ho
I knew I was different at age 8, and by 13, I absolutely knew
that I was a lesbian and I came out to my family and friends
right there .... They actually laughed about it and said it was
just a phase ... We never spoke about it again until I was 19,
at which time I expressed the fact that it actually wasn't a
phase and I knew for sure I was a lesbian. All hell broke lose. I
Is
I
It's a
{self-released}:
littleunclearfromtheirbioand
lyricswhethertheirloveaffairis
strictlymusical,butthere'sno
aboutJessieMurphy
uncertainty
andJamieStellini'sshimmering
melodiesandcatchy
indie-pop
became an outcast, treated like I had a disease and constantly
persecuted. I ended up alone, away from my family on my
own in London and then here in the U.S.A. with no communication from any family members. But in early 1999, my
mom and dad came here to make their peace. I accepted and
I do love them dearly.... My heart goes out to all those whose
family are not supportive of their sexuality but I do encourage them to bravely come out ... maybe like mine, they will
eventually come around. ■
"Oneof the most
romanticlesbian
on
destinations
.t..
an~ C/nn the planet."
11 1
-PlanetOut
since 1983
1ZJi'e \
\
A~P
-~
WORLD'SFOREMOST
GAY& lfSB!AN HOTHS
POBox118,Bethlehem,NH03574
(537-2466)❖ 603869-3978
877LES·B·INN
❖ www.highlandsinn-nh.com
vacation@highlandsinn-nh.com
Reviews Tech Girl
Tools to Make 2007 Easier
I
From kitties to computers, let's simplify. By Diane Anderson-Minshall
Sure, DVD players and digital camcorders are fun but will they make your life any more efficient this year?
No. But, these handy gadgets, tools and Web sites certainly will.
Clockwise from top
right: The new Leatherman Charge ALX, Golla's
Digi Bag, old-school
cassettes that you can
ditch now thanks to
Cassettes2CDs.com,
CitiKitty and Dragon
Naturally Speaking
S io ~e 'e
o r
With Dragon Naturally Speaking you
can send e-mail, fill in forms, compose
novels or IM all without typing. This
speech recognition software is 99 percent
accurate at recording up to 160 words a minute (the average person types less than 40). It's
changing my life as I type, er, speak. ($80, nuance.com/naturallyspeaking)
A o
~
•e /
'P
- t
Just out this month is the dyke diva's No. 1 must have: one of the three new Leatherman
Charge multi-tools, like the titanium-handled TTi. Leatherman tools are strong, sharp, big,
powerful and versatile and when you're holding one, every girl will think the same of you. Plus,
with over 20 different tools in one (pliers, knife, saw, scissors, screwdriver, can opener and
more), each Leatherman assures you're ready to tackle anything. The newly improved models
(like Charge ALX, shown above) is even more stylin'.($128 and up, leatherman.com)
Bo
If you have kitties, you scoop a lot of poop, but no more my feline-lovin' friend. CitiKitty,
the toilet training kit for cats, will rescue you from the dookie wagon and give you something to put on YouTube (cats going in toilets are apparently some of the most downloaded
entries there). You can train any age, any size cat in three to six weeks and never scoop again.
($30, citikitty.com)
A~ro
n
's • le
ac,
From e-mail addresses to perfunctory business cards, there's a lot of contact info to store
these days. To help with management of contact data, get the new CardScan Personal, a travel ready scanner that synchs up with Outlook, PD As and smart phones and consolidates and
categorizes all your data from everything from e-mail to biz cards. ($160, cardscan.com)
ec
aJ T
t
on·
~a
ate
Golla of Finland's new Digi Bags let you carry your digital camera, phone or MP3 in funky
little dykey unisex bags instead of those ugly leather clip-ons. ($15, www.golla.fi)
Re urn of +he
e ap
If you grew up in the '80s you likely have a closet full of mix tapes - old school audio tapes
that your girlfriend or BFF made with the songs that most defined you that week (one from
my ex features songs from English Beat,Journey, Diedre McCalla, Berlin and Led Zeppelin
- you can't make this stuff up). Instead of ditching them, Cassettes2CDs.com will turn them
into CDs or MP3 files and the cool two-geeks-and-a-dog operation will do it fast and cheap.
Viva la mix tape! Bonus: they do VHS and LPs, too. ($12 and up, cassettes2cds.com)
C
n
'1n
If you've got boxes of old photographs and computer files of new digital ones, it's time to get
organized. At Blurb.com, you can create your own bookstore-quality photo book that'll look
so good your friends will think you've been published. This woman-run company offers free
software for Mac or PC that lets you build your own hardcover book in hours and have it
delivered within a week. ($30, blurb.com)
68
Icurve
VictoriaA. Brownworth Politics
The Passion of the Lesbos
Are our politics getting in the way of our sex lives?
T
he midst of winter and the approach of Valentine's
ships.Thar's when politics tend to subsume emotion. How
promiscuity. Most importantly, we still have lesbian
desire. But what is that desire in the 21st century?
How does now differ from then? We have better
sex toys, and we're more open about sex. But do we
verylesbian feminist of me.
have more passion?
We all know the tired jokes about what a lesbian brings
cothe second date (in case you've been held hostage in a nunnery: a U-Haul). We have heard ad nauseum about lesbian
Reading all this lesbian prose from the era of
my grandmothers, I was struck by their passion. In
1935, Wilhelm portrayed lesbian passion and the
compelling nature of lesbian desire in ways I rarely
see in 21st-century lesbian fiction. One falls into
Day always lead me to thoughts of cuddling. Thoughts
of cuddling lead me to think about women. And relation-
bed death, serial monogamy, Boston marriages - the realm
of the lesbian relationship hasn't changed much in the past
100years or so. Or has it?
I recently completed compiling a collection titled The
Golden Age of Lesbian Erotica: 1920s-1940s. As Freud
and Havelock Ellis were having their way with terms like
"penis envy" and "inversion," lesbian sexuality was forced
out of the Boston marriage and into the demi-monde.
No more "sweet hour of hand in hand:' Suddenly, it was
a truly bad thing to have a particular friendship. It was,
as proclaimed by Martha in Lillian Hellman's taboobreaking play The Children's Hour, "unnatural:'
Once deemed unnatural, it was difficult to liftthe veil,let
alonethe skirt. The search for lesbian erotica of the period was a veritable archeologicaldig. Post-Victorian naughty maids and pre-postwar pulp, it seemed as if
lesbiansexuality had gone into a cicada-like hibernation for severaldecades.
Bue not entirely. What I and my co-editor, former CURVE film editor
Judith Redding, unearthed was a strange mix of the delicately encoded and
the deliciously lewd. Between Redding's expertise in rare books and my own
in history, we were bound to find something that signaled women were still
having sex together post-Freud and enjoying it as much as they had before.
One of the subtlest yet strongly erotic writings we found were Sapphic
poems by a man, Pierre Louys. These provocative verses were all about
women together, not in a Playboy man-in-the-shadows kind of way, but in
a truly female kind of way. I absolutely love those poems, as did a host of
lesbian copiers, including Renee Vivien and Natalie Barney.
Then there was Gale Wilhelm. In the early days of Naiad Press, there were
the reprints from the archeological digs of the co-founders: Barbara Grier, a former editor of The Ladder, and her partner of nearly 35 years, Donna McBride.
Librarians by trade and archivists by avocation, Grier and McBride found,
translated, reprinted and rereleased a plethora of books by previously unknown
lesbian writers, among them Wilhelm.
Readers might not immediately glean the intense sexuality in Wilhelm's
work, but it was written in the 1930s. Not only is the writing superb, but the
sexual intrigues of the women characters - with men and with other women
- are pretty racy, given the mores of the times. Granted, much of the actual
sex happens off the page, but there's no mistaking it when Madeline lures Jan
back into a sexual liaison after Jan has dumped her for another woman in We
Too Are Drifting. The characters may loathe themselves for their desire, but
there it is. Desire. Lesbian desire. In 1935.
Certainly, lesbian relationships have not altered much since the 1920s. We
still have butch and femme couples, still have parents wanting their girls to at
least try to settle down to a normal life. We still have sexless couplings as well as
her prose, in part because of her unique style (no
quotation marks) which makes everything intensely
immediate. Her characters are strong, complicated,
beautiful, dynamic women with careers and motivations and things they want to achieve, including
having another woman to love and bed.
Several trips to the Lesbian Herstory Archives
led to the discovery of lyrics by Gladys Bentley, an
African-American singer and "bulldagger" who
sang of tearing off the clothes of her girlfriend and
doing it in the parlor when they got home. In the
1920s. See what I mean about the passion? Makes Amy Ray and Ani DiFranco
look a little less, well, cutting edge, when Bentley belted out those tunes just a
blink after women got the vote.
So what's the point? That despite the invention of a better dildo and watersoluble lube, we don't have as much passion as the gals of yesteryear who had to
hide so much of their lives?Should we be nostalgic for the closet?
No. However - and it's a big however - there is a lot to be said for passion, particularly lesbian passion. And we just don't seem to have enough of
sort.
it. Not of the Gladys Bentley tearing-Mary's-clothes-off-in-the-parlor
We've come full circle on the Freud thing, uncovered the G spot, debunked
the vaginal orgasm and dealt with penis envy pretty nicely. We've averted
inversion. We have the freedom to be passionate. So why aren't we more so?
I have a friend from a small town in a large African country. He says we
have too many choices in America, and it's made us unappreciative. It is true, of
course. If you can go to the Quik-E-Mart and get everything from 50 flavors of
ice cream to condoms and a new girl, well, perhaps there are too many choices.
Is passion deflected by too many choices? The L Word and Sex and the
City suggest it is because we cannot hold onto love, and without love there's
no true passion and, well, you get the picture.
I don't want to go back to a time before good condoms and K-Y. I don't want
to go back to the era of the de rigeur closet. But I do want passion. I do want
cuddling in a snowstorm and flowers on Valentine's Day and to still be having sex
with the woman I love when most of my movable parts have already quit working. I want the kind of passion in the poems by Louys and the novels of Wilhelm:
electric,fully charged, 100 mph in a 30 mph zone passion.
So while the nights are still quite long, passion might be the thing to discover anew, and while you are doing so, rediscover the writings of women who
had to struggle to find a milieu for their passions.
Passion equals risk as does everything worth having. That's the message I got
from those gals of the 1920s through the 1940s. And what a message it was. ■
January/February
2007
I
69
Dyke Drama
Michele Fisher
Heart-Shaped Boxes
One dyke deciphers the dying art of romance.
W
riting a love letter with candy conv~rsati~n hearts
seemed like a wonderfully romantic holiday ges-
ture. You'd think it would be easy to write a sappy poem
with those blasted tiny confection hearts, but have you
ever really read what they say? "Hot Stuff,' 'Tm Yours"
and "Be Mine:' Not exactly quality writer's stock. After
three frustrating days of arranging those little sugar lozenges on red construction paper, all I had was "It's Love;'
"Awesome;' 'i\ngel;' 'i\11Mine:' Too much alliteration, and
possessive in an '80s sort of way.
Then I tried using the blank side of the candy hearts
and write my own messages on them. A ballpoint doesn't
write so well on candy, and the felt tips I tried just made
red blotches, leaving me with a pile of bleeding hearts.
I once watched a guy at Fisherman's Wharf etch landscapes on a single grain of rice. I bet he could have put a
whole novel on a friggin' candy heart, but I couldn't even
get"Hi" on one of them.
My unfinished efforts lay hidden under my dresser for
days until they became landing strips and feeding grounds
for the local bug life. As I lowered my insect-attracting
failures into a plastic bag and sealed them with a twist tie,
I vowed to find a better way to celebrate Feb. 14.
This Valentine's Day was going to be special. For one
thing, I wasn't going to tell a woman I loved her only to
have her laugh and tell me she had just decided that day
to confess her love to another woman who just happened
to be the biggest asshole on the planet. She apologized for
laughing, but then explained that the irony was just too
overwhelming. Yes, wasn't it just?
I was fine after a little drinking binge that ended
around Easter.
This year, I have a valentine. Not a gal who gets paid by
the hour to keep me company, not a fellow lonely heart lesbian who helps me take the sting out of the day by watching horror movies where
young lovers get killed by maniacs with me - but a real girl who loves me.
And although we have been together for a few years now, it is still hard for
me to believe that those awful Valentine's Days are behind me for good.
This year is going to be the year that I come up with something memorable
and exceptional.
and all things romantic associated with the day.
We have Emperor Claudius II to thank for this so-called holiday. In the
third century, he didn't want his soldiers distracted by girls and marriage, so he
much to the delight of a few soldiers, I
am sure. St. Valentine was a Catholic priest who performed secret marriages
for soldiers and their brides and was captured and ultimately put to death for
disobeying the emperor's anti-nuptial clause.
Another legend claims that St. Valentine was a young Roman martyred
when Emperor Claudius II put him to death on Feb. 14, 270, for refusing to
give up Christianity.
70
I curve
Valentine managed to convert his jailer's entire family to Christianity. Oh, and
he also fell in love with the jailer's blind daughter -
apparently, bringing your
blind daughter to work with you in a prison was perfectly acceptable in those
days - and cured her blindness, but alas was still put to death. Wow, if curing
I went to the library to do a little research and learn about Valentine's Day
made it illegal for soldiers to marry -
Others swear Valentine was a man who assisted persecuted Christians
and was jailed for his efforts by Claudius' henchmen. But before being killed,
the warden's daughter won't get you paroled, I guess nothing would. He supposedly signed his last letter to his newly sighted beloved, "From your Valentine:'
Obviously the various legends of St. Valentine, whomever the poor ba5tard
was, were too depressing to include in my own Feb. 14 festivities.
Perhaps Cupid's story would prove inspirational.
Turns out Cupid wasn't always a chubby little baby; he was a hunky Roman
god of love for centuries. He was the proud son of Venus, goddess of loveand
beauty, whose invisible arrows would make his victims fall in love when they
hit their mark.
Along came that incredibly unswinging period we call the Victorian era,
and proper folks didn't think it proper for a scantily clad Roman hunk to swoop
down on women -
and men -
so they turned the mischievous Adonis into a
sharpshooting cherub.
I think if I were a fag rather than a dyke, Valentine'sDay would be my favorite
holiday,as its lore is chock-full of male homoeroticism. I could dress up like a
lonelyand horny Roman soldier, or I could wear a silverSpeedo and wait with my
quiverfor my boyfriend to come home so I could shoot him with my love arrow.
But what's a dyke to do about this upcoming holiday? I turned to the world
forhelp.
Valentine's Day is celebrated in Denmark, Italy, Korea, Spain, Japan,
Australia and lots of other places. Candy, flowers and promises of endless love
seem to be the most popular ways to say, "Be my valentine;' no matter what
languageyou speak.
The old French custom of"drawing for" a mate caught my interest.
Men and women would gather in an appointed place on Feb. 14, men on
one side and women on the other. They would yell to each other from across
some distance and pair off with somebody they had "hollered at:' If at the first
meetingthe male was disappointed with the face that the voice came out of, he
simplyabandoned his sweetheart right then and there. Later in the evening, all
of the women who had been abandoned would gather and make a bonfire to
burn drawings of their bad suitors and talk trash about them.
All a girl would need to get lucky in that crowd would be a stick, a bag of
marshmallows and a shoulder to cry on. But don't bother buying a plane ticket
to Paris; the custom was outlawed by the French government because it fostered nastiness and malice. What kind of a government wants to curb evil?No
wonder they aren't a world power any more.
I studied history and geography, and still I was at a loss as to how to make
_
___
Pirates and Wenches continued fr_om---=:p_a.:::.ge_6_2
ir' v·
I i= t.ort
High fetish on the high seas abounds in Ileana
Pletrobruno's iibercampy Girl King. For anyone who happened to miss Geena Davis as a
swashbuckling lass in the thoroughly enjoyable
Hollywood bomb Cutthroat Island, Pletrobruno
servesup a fantasy film replete with high boots and
leather dildos. All that's missing is a wooden leg.
The queen, who lost her ability to orgasm when
the king made off with her "coilus;' needs a baby
Feb. 14 a stellar day for my girl and me.
Maybe I was on the right track with the handmade valentine as long as I
stayed away from candy as a medium. I read about these things called love knots
that seemed like a cool and unique way to say,"I love you:' The winding loops
either made of string or ribbon have no beginning and no end, just like eternal
love.The only string I could find was on our tampons, so I opted for the ribbon.
There is a reason I wore loafers from kindergarten to college.I am not good at
tying knots. I wasted a whole roll of Christmas ribbon before admitting defeat.
Then I stumbled upon the idea of a rebus valentine while watching old
game show reruns on cable. A rebus is a puzzle that is made up of words and
pictures where the pictures represent a word or phrase. For example, a picture
of a human eye would be a substitute for the word 'T' in a rebus. That idea
seemed interesting for all of one minute. Then I began to visualize all of the
stupid I Heart Whatever bumper stickers I have seen in my life and decided
that my idea could best be depicted by a steaming brown pile.
Getting to the "heart" of the matter was my first glimpse at success. As I
was desperately pecking at my keyboard for news I could use on this holiday, I
found out that the traditionally accepted and oft-depicted "heart" shape looks
nothing like the human heart. It kinda looks like a cow's heart, and apparently it
does resemble a turtle's heart, but it is unlikely that the traditional heart symbol
was based on either animal's heart. There are many theories about where the
heart shape originated, but my favorite is the one that asserts that the shape
is considered to depict features of the human female body such as the vulva,
breasts and buttocks.
And with that thought, I finally knew what I was going to do for Valentine's
Day. I just hope she won't mind getting the same old thing she got last year. ■
Powerful Lesbians continued from page 31
Other Licks continued from page 67
last year, a true lesbian historic sanctuary was almost destroyed. Camp Sister Spirit, the feminist
education-retreat center in Ovett, Miss., took a
(self-released):
It's a tad unclearfromtheirlyricswhethertheir love
affairis strictlymusical,butthere'sno uncertainty
aboutJessieMurphyandJamieStellini'sshimmeringindie-popmelodiesandcatchyhookson
this debutrelease.I simplycan'tstoplistening!
com/theloveinspace)
(myspace.
hard hit, sustaining structural damage and the
loss of hundreds of trees. But founders Brenda
and Wanda Henson say this too shall pass.
Their fortitude has been built over other
hard times. Just after the retreat opened in 1993,
Brenda Henson says, hate crimes began.
"Dead animals in the drive, an acetylene gas
butch virgin to retrieve her buried treasure. To
the queen's delight, the infamous Captain Candy
returns from a voyage with a boi cutie and a sexy
bomb set off on the road near the camp, I was
chased and nearly run off the road by skinheads,
Wanda nearly run off the road, a militia formed
femme in tow. Baby Butch vows to remain a virgin
in order to save the queen's "coilus;' but Butch is
in love with his femme friend. When the friend
nearby, hate messages in the local newspaper, hate
disappears and a hot top turns up - looking
alarmingly like the apple of Butch's eye - aboard
Captain Candy's ship, Butch finds himself wanting
to submit to the enigmatic top. And when Captain
Candy, an avowed "man;' finds himself attracted
to a real femme with a real penis, well, everyone's
world blows apart. The film challenges restrictions
imposed by labeling. Throw in some chains and
some real bootlicking and Girl King makes for a
mail with death threats;' she says.
Still, the two stayed and became leading local
community volunteers, Camp Sister Spirit flourished, and when Katrina hit last year, the neighbors banded together to help each other. The fact
chat the Hensons were two married women no
longer mattered. And regardless of the past or the
current damage, the Hensons wouldn't think of
moving the retreat to another state.
"Don't you think there are enough in San
Francisco?" Brenda Henson says. ■
(Accidental
Poet):Anotherbeautifulalbumof singer-songwriter
lesbian
acousticpopfromthe NewEngland-based
favorite,thistime herworkis a littledarkerand
moodierwith lyricalthemesof loveandpassion.
(ediecarey.com)
(RetardDisco):
is dead?Former
Whosaysthe riotgrrl movement
AllisonWolfeleadsthistrio
frontwoman
Bratmobile
of badasswomenon a whirlwindof feminist,politi(partylinedc.com)
cal punkrockshout-alongs.
(Verve
collective
Thisfive-pieceblues-roots
Forecast):
fromNewYorkservesup a delicioussophomore
folk andgospelinfluences,
set,heavyon bluegrass,
anchoredbythevocalsofAmyHelmandFiona
McBain.(ollabelle.neV-MC
laugh-out-loud, titillating party.■
January/February
2007
I 71
Strange Bedfellows coi~tinued from page 4_3
__
a wife, it is the duty of the woman to submit
cheerfully:•
in the middle of the night, and I remember my
older sister getting me up to get dressed and it was
dark outside. My dad tried to hide us up in one of
the canyons, but then he realized we couldn't stay
there forever. He decided to go home and take the
be like the government giving a stamp of approval;' Prunty said. "That would make it harder for
women to leave:•
polygamy from same-sex marriage may also be a feminist issue. Considering
the abuses that she reports, Prunty finds it almost
unbelievable that feminists would support legal-
rap:' Kelsch's father spent four years in prison for
bigamy after what became known as the Short
Batchelor counters that the abuses that do
exist would decrease if polygamy were out in the
open. Erickson thinks there's no point. In her
opinion, the abuse is so entrenched that nothing
izing polygamy. Even more ironic for the lesbian
community are the homophobic views of fundamentalist polygamists, she says.
Creek Raids.
Kelsch's story highlights one of the stickiest
and most complex features of polygamy: polyga-
will change it. "You can't get these men to stop.
They love it too much;' Erickson says.
As the debate rages in these tidy suburban
"It's strange that they [polygamists] are aligning themselves with gays, since they think they
are evil. We're talking Old Testament, Sodom and
Gomorrah stuff here. There is a lot of gay bashing
mist wives commonly have 10 or more children,
children who would have to be removed from their
homes, one thing is clear: polygamists now fight
for a new definition of marriage by getting into bed
with same-sex marriage advocates. The question
Separating
that goes on;' Prunty says.
Gays and lesbians have no place in polygamist society, Prunty says, so much so that she had
never heard of homosexual people in any of the
polygamist communities. "I think they would be
so afraid to talk about that, that they wouldn't:'
In a rare agreement, Batchelor expresses the
same sentiment. "In general, homosexuality is
not religiously embraced
Mormons]:'
[by fundamentalist
Linda Kelsch was 3 years old when they came
for her father. "The hard part was when the raid
happened in '53;' she recalls. "My parents got up
How to Meet a Girl continued from pa_g_e_4_1
____
_
have not done their homework. You must be in
a good place emotionally; you must feel like you
look good; and you must believe that even if you
don't meet anyone that night, you are still going
to have a great time. Even if you go on a string of
bad dates - or worse, a string of mediocre ones
- perseverance will bring a time when you are sitting across from someone at dinner and it feels like
everything, at last, is going right.
For me, it happened a couple of months after my
re-entry into dating. I met her at a friend's party,
and all that night it felt like we were circling each
other. We would talk to each other, and then part
ways for a while. I would flirt with her; she would
compliment me. I remembered how much fun it
was to begin this dance.
We went out to dinner a few nights later on
a chilly, drizzling winter evening, and I can't remember a single thing we talked about. I ordered
a salad because I didn't have an appetite. We only
watched the first 20 minutes of the movie we
rented, but I now have very fond memories of it,
even though I can't remember the tide.
Later that night when she drove me home, we
kissed each other good night, and I said, "Thank
you for dinner:'
"Thank you;' she said, "for saying yes:·
And I realized that, for me, that's all there is to
this: Learn how to say yes. ■
72 I curve
families if authorities cracked down on polygamy
as a crime itself. And if authorities do not intend
to prosecute polygamy, should it remain illegal:'
Like homosexuality, polygamy also engages
age-old questions of personal freedom. Shouldn't
people be able to marry whoever they want:' Isn't
this an individual choice:'
Prunty agrees with that assertion, but says it
doesn't apply to polygamy. Advances in gay rights
have come about largely because many believe
remains, how should gay rights advocates respond:'
For her part, Moore-Emmett hopes that gays
and lesbians will see that there is no big love in
real-life polygamy. "These women, girls and boys
[in polygamy] are your brothers and sisters. Your
little sister right here in Utah is not getting an
education. Your grown sister is not allowed to
vote because polygamists say what right does a
woman have to vote:' We went through suffrage,
that homosexuality is biologically based and creates no harm. In contrast, opponents of polygamy
believe it is part of a patriarchal religious system
that systematically abuses women. To legalize
happening right here:• ■
this system would be to normalize it. "It would
*Name changed
and this is what is still happening to our sisters
right here:' We point fingers at Afghanistan for
keeping women and girls out of school. Well, it's
Fat Chicks continued from page 45
Friends continued from page 49
reveling in her sexuality is very hot. The roundness and curves can be very female and luscious.
Shy or afraid of rejection, most of us are cautious
about initiating new friendships. It's safer to wait for
The feeling of abundance, of strength is what attracts me."
the other woman to call us. But what if she's waiting,
too:' We need to put our fear of rejection aside and
But, O'Brien says, "There's a certain sense of
fatties-deserve-each-other attitude I get sometimes,
as if I pursue fat women because I can't do any bet-
start taking risks by pulling out those phone numbers we'vecollected and making that first phone call
to invite someone to join us for dinner.
ter' rather than genuinely being attracted. However,
I find a lot of support, online from [NOLOSE's]
The first step in establishing and maintaining a
good relationship with a friend is to have one with
ourselves. If we are comfortable with who we are,
LiveJournal; books and zines like Fat?So!,Fat Girl
and Size Queen were lifesavers, especially in the
pre- Internet days. Fat Girl [the zine for fat dykes
and the women who want them] was informative
for me when I was first really exploring my attraction to fat women 10 to 12 years ago. I also go to
queer /bi, polyamorous, political events and places
really anywhere that's not mainstream - to find
-
fat friends and infatuations. I am very open about
my preference. I compliment, admire and flirt with
fat women publicly - actually,I'm pretty aggressive
about pursuing women I find attractive:'
McCauley's wish:' "I would like people to take
a closer look at their biases and the meanness that
our culture aims at fat people .... Our culture is
obsessed with body image issues, mostly relating
to size. It is a disease that needs to be healed:'
"It's an act of solidarity and pro-fat, too, to value
fat women as lovers;• O'Brien declares. "My best
advice: if you're attracted to a fat girl, go get her!" ■
we are more appealing to others.
It is more important to be interested than interesting. An e-mail that has been going around says
quite aptly,"others may not remember exactly what
you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel:' Often friends
just need to vent, so we need to sharpen our listening skills. And never pass up an opportunity to say a
kind word. Being kind is more important than being
right. I know someone who keeps a notebook of her
friends' birthdays, favorite colors, things they collect,
etc. She remembers to call if someone is taking a test
and to inquire after an ailing parent. She might pick
up a trinket because she knows her friend will love
it. These are small gestures, but they go a long way
toward making a person feel appreciated and loved.
As one woman said,"IfI had to choose between
my dearest friend and my current lover, my friend
would win hands down. A best friend is forever:' ■
THE
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January/February
2007
I 73
THEAGGRESSIVES
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The documentary that
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DVD 30019 $19.95
A dangerous love affair
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European women in the
darkest days of World
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DVD 27889 $29.95
When Jeanne meets a
pretty dancer at a party,
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L
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This exciting collection
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Interviews With My
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January/February
2007
I75
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Top Ten ReasonsWe Love Erin Ridle
Onstage she's known as mustachioed cowboy
Aaron Idahomo or retro, spectacled chanteuse
Gladys Mumford, but in real life Erin Ridle is a
badass white-water rafter and gender-bending
superhero. With hilarious stories that make her
life sound like one big performance art piece, it
was tough to pin down just 10 reasons why she
rocks, but we did our best. - Catherine Plato
identifyas queer
"I don't identifyas a lesbian;I definitely
or sometimesas a dyke.Honestlysometimeswhen I
tellpeople,when I'm makingsomethingpalatablefor
them,when I say I'm a lesbian,I stutteron it."
1. She'sjust one of the Bois.Ridle's a found-
4. Evenwhenshe'staken,she'snot.Ridle iden-
ing member of Boise, Idaho's original drag king
troupe, the Bois of Boise. She loves performing
both as a macho man and a high femme within
the same show. "That's what's really fun for me;'
she says. "I feel like my gender's so fluid; I like to
tifies as polyamorous, admitting that it can make
dating difficult sometimes in Boise. "(Polyamory J's
something that is not really existing in this town
very much right now:•
be able to express char:'
5. She'sa goodpersonto wanderdarkalleyswith.
2. Onstageor off, she bendsgenderlike a rockstar."I actually get more shit and people think I'm
male if I go out in high heels;' she says. "I was at
the bar, and I was like five feet from this person
who gets on his phone and he says, 'Oh my god,
there's a dude here dressed like a chick in a skirt:"
Quickly realizing she was the "dude" in question,
Ridle asked the caller who he was talking about.
"He got this look of terror, like this big huge chick
in a skirt was gonna kick his ass:•
and get miniature custom-made coffins for them
with Plexiglas lids:'
8. She'sgota greenthumband400winebottlesin
herlawn.Ridle's spending chis off-season working
"I think being a woman who's 6-foot-2, I don't get
messed with the way other people do:'
in a greenhouse and zeroscaping her front yard,
which is a method of planting rocks (or in Ridle's
case, wine bottles) to preserve water for plants trying to survive in the desert.
6. She'll definitelyget you wet. For nine years
9. She'sa buddingnovelist.Ridle has been work-
Ridle has spent summers working for her family
business as a river guide in Stanley, Idaho, working
on some of the fiercest rapids in the country.
ing on her book for a few years, with breaks in
between, and plans to finish it this winter. "It's a
dyke choose-your-own adventure;' she explains.
7. In the off-season,she worksin post-harvest 1O. Nobodyknowssockmonkeysbetter.While
Or at least chat's what she'll tell
management.
studying at Evergreen State College, Ridle trav-
3. Sheeschewsthe L-word."I don't identify as a
you if you're not from Idaho."Everybody in Idaho
works with potatoes, or so is the image if you don't
live in Idaho," explains Rid.le."So I've been telling
eled around the country teaching people the fine
art of sock monkey creation. She held workshops
in Seattle, Portland, Boise, San Francisco, Boston,
lesbian; I definitely identify as queer or sometimes
as a dyke;' says Ridle. "Honestly sometimes when I
tell people, when I'm making something palatable
for them, when I say I'm a lesbian, I stutter on ic:•
people that when they dig up potatoes and they
look like a poodle or a heart or a baby Jesus or
something, they eventually start to rot. When that
happens, they call me and I formaldehyde them
New York, and eventually England and Ireland.
''I've kind of retired from sock monkeys now;' she
says with a sigh. ■
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V()
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Publisher/Editor in Chief
Executive Editor
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is thrilled to be on the set as part of a
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pretty exciting story line. That's right, tune in for episode two this season and check us out as the
Ad Sales & Marketing
Frances Stevens Publisher/Editor in Chief
howtime's The L Word is back for season four and
CURVE
drama unfolds. I can't give away all the secrets but I must say that Jenny isn't too happy with
the story line, Jenny's doing PR for her new book and has a great interview with a
v11r.-
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Letters to the Editor E-mail letters@curvemag.com
You know how people always
pontificate on who they'd like
to play them on TV? I'd pick
Hilary Swank but my editor
picks lesbian actor Heather
Matarazzo and - guess what
-her wish is coming true this
month.
S
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
m
CURVE
CURVE.
In
editor played
by none other than out lesbian Heather Matarazzo (The PrincessDiaries, Saved!and the new Logo TV
Marketing & PR Manager
Marketing Coordinator
Marketing Representatives
series Exes and Ohs). But when Jenny sees the article on her new book it may not be quite what she
Frances Stevens
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Catherine Plato
Rachel Pepper
Margaret Coble
Julia Bloch, Victoria A.
Brownworth, Sheryl Kay,
Gretchen Lee, Sarah Warn
Laura K. Cucullu
Jaclyn Barcewski, Michelle
Ma, Katherine H. Nelson,
Jocelyn Voo, Laurie Werbner
Sonia Kreitzer
Kas Neteler
Ondine Kilker
Kelly Nuti
Nikki Woelk
Holly DeMaagd
Flo Enriquez,
Monier Ziaian
Sara Jane Keskula
Rivendell Media
Bambi Weavil
Amanda Campa
Mellissa Domboski,
Gabrielle James, Tammy
Lam, Catrina McQuerry
expected.
What we lovingly call "the
CURVE
episode" appears Jan. 14 -
a week after the season four premier -
so
we're throwing San Francisco's hottest lesbian party the day before and you're invited. Come for an exclusive sneak-peek screening and mingle with The L Word cast at our issue release party at the W Hotel
in San Francisco on Saturday,Jan.13.
(For more info, go to Curvemag.com.)
Jenny isn't the only L girl on our minds. I'm sure you recognize our very sexy cover girl, Rachel Shelley,
who play's disinherited rich girl Helena Peabody. In our exclusive interview, Shelley speaks candidly
about filming sex scenes with on-screen hottie Dylan, her upcoming lesbian flick and sex issue -
in honor of our
whom she thinks is the sexiest woman alive. Our annual sex issue is also brimming with
information that can make or break your love life, including top dating mistakes, how to find your dream
girl, and what to do if your dream girl already has another dream girl.
Contributing Writers Harlyn Aizley, Kathy Beige, Heather
Boerner, Kim Burgess, Gina Daggett, Holly Dolezalek,
Kate Earnshaw, Michele Fisher, Lauren Marie Fleming,
Tracy E. Gilchrist, Tania Hammidi, Dana Kaye, Kate
Lacey, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karlyn Lotney, Lauren
Palmigiano, Alison Peters, Charlotte Rice, Stephanie
Schroeder, Jenny Sherwin, Ursula Steck, Allison
Steinberg, Garren Strock
Contributing Illustrator Katherine Streeter
Contributing Photographers Alesia Adams, Molly Bennett,
Brie Childers, Phyllis Christopher, George Grayson,
Sophia Hantzes, Charles Harris, Dale Harris, Marilyn
Humphries, Gabriela Hashun, Sarah Hesswest, Ellen
Huang, John Jacobs, Briana Kingrey, Paul Michaud,
Aefa Mulholland, Maggie Parker, Forrest Payne, Jenna
Shannon-Garvey, Elisa Shea, John Shearher, Don Spiro,
Max Vadukal
Talking about sex, we realize that some of subjects we explore might push the limits of your comfort
zone. It's intentional. We want not only to entertain you but inform and challenge you to evaluate some of
the issues that we face as a community. We broach some pretty hot topics including polyamory (Webster's
Dictionary defines it as "participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships"), lesbians in the porn industry, lusting for fat dykes and how polygamists ( not polyamorists) are jumping on
the same-sex marriage bandwagon.
I dare you to confront your preconceived notions and take a look at what's really going on between
the sheets. Maybe it'll even lead to a little interesting pillow talk. (Don't forget to tell us all about it,
though.)
Volume 17 Issue 1 Curve (ISSN 1087 -867)() is published monthly (except for
January and July) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc., 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510,
San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $51.95 Canadian
(U.S. funds only) and $61.95 international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks
will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals pcstage paid at San Francisco,
CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve
Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph
of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may
not be taken as an indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or
group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited
manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be returned unless a
self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No respcnsibility is assumed for
loss or damages. The contents do not necessarily represent the opinions of
the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription
Inquiries: Please write to Curve, 1550 Bryant Street, Suite 51 o, San Francisco,
CA 94103, e-mail shop@curvemag.com, or call 818-760-8983. Canadian
Agreement Number: 40793029. Newsstand Circulation: BigTop Newsstand
Services 415-643-0161 or maire@bigtoppubs.com. Postmaster:Send Canadian
address changes to shop@curvemag.com,
Curve, PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON
L2E 6S8. Send U.S. addresschangesto shop@curvemag.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138,
N. Hollywood,CA 91615-7138.Printedin the U.S.
"
~ Keyword: Curvemag Web site: curvemag.com
2 J curve
Departments
February 2007
"Thisyear,I havea
valentine.Not a gal
who getspaidby
the hourto keep
me company,
nota fellowlonely
heartlesbianwho
helpsme take the
stingout of the
day by watching
horrormovies
whereyoung
loversget killedby
maniacswithme
- but a realgirl
who lovesme."
c.1Je 10
2
Frankly Speaking We've got bragging
22 Ask Fairy Butch I want her back. No
rights this month.
8
Contributors The girls y'all love.
23
66
wait, maybe I don't.
Music Watch Margaret Coble's tells us
all about Arthur Loves Plastic and two
girls who are Nervous but Excited. Plus,
Lipstick & Dipstick I think my daugh-
Androgyny is sooo fine.
ter is gay. What to do?
9
Letters Dante's Cove: love it or lump it.
68 Tech Girl It's 2007. Let's get efficient
24 Astro Grrl Astrologer Charlene
11 Out in Front A trio of activists, including
people. Here's how.
Lichtenstein forecasts your new year.
two doctors.
69
Politics Victoria A. Brownworth looks
at the history of lesbian lust and asks,
"Where did it all go?"
70
Dyke Drama Michele Fisher gets set for
Valentine's Day.
62 Sapphic Screen Tracy E. Gilchrist
12 Curvatures Lesbian sex: why straight
tackles new dyke cinema. Plus, Science
of Sleep and Docurama's fest.
chicks dig it, too. Plus: Cyber dating,
Catherine Opie, Miss Money and more.
64
16 Open Studio Painter Chris Carraher,
the artist known as Jack Dandy.
18 Lesbofile Brangelina's got your back
and Murray Hill tries to score.
In the Stacks Rachel Pepper looks
at mothers of daughters. Plus, Mona E.
gets disCOKEnnected
80 Top Ten Reasons We Love Erin
Ridle She's a river-rafting gender
bender. That's hot.
:J'
_j
~
Cf)
a.
~
Cf)
20 Scene Fun parties, sexy girls and a few
of our favorite friends.
z
:r:
CJ
:::J
4'.
>
z
w
::r:
a.
w
f--
6
I curve
Cf)
Contributors
Trip
Out!
"Whether it's a group of attorneys in Australia trying to legislate against
obesity, officials in Barcelona judging models too thin to walk the runway
or Madison Avenue pimping fad diets, the real issue is one of trying to
control women's bodies;' says Stephanie
Schroeder,
whose feature article
on the subculture of fat dykes and their admirers (see page 44) was
inspired by her own attraction to fat chicks. A freelance writer and
publicist in New York City, she says, "Most people want to find a 'motive'
behind my attraction, as if it's a pathology. I refute that just by loving fat
female flesh and making no excuses:' Schroeder has written for GO
NYC, published lesbian erotica and is currently workshopping her
memoir, Beautiful Wreck: Sex, Lies and Suicide,about her lifelong odyssey
with Tourette Syndrome and bipolar disorder.
"When I first heard about fundamentalist Mormon polygamists aligning
themselves with gay marriage activists, my first though was somethings rotten
in Salt Lake City;' KimBurgess
says of her article on same-sex marriage and
polygamy (see page 42)."Growing up in Utah, I saw disturbing homophobia
from the Mormon Church, homophobia so extreme that all noncurricular
dubs were banned from my high school to prevent the formation of a gay/
straight alliance:' Though Burgess has her own perspective on polygamy, she
stresses that she wrote the article to inspire dialogue within the gay community, not to advance an agenda. "I just chink the gay community needs to look at
polygamists' beliefs and ways of life and ask, 'Is this something we want to get
behind?'" A staff writer for In Utah This Week,Burgess also contributes to Q
SaltLake. If you need the name of a good Utah bar (yes, they exist) or wish to
comment on her article, e-mail kimhburgess@gmail.com.
PublishersWeeklycalled HarlynAizley's
2003 memoir, BuyingDad: One
Womans Searchfor thePeifectSpermDonor,"as addictive as a good soap:' A
Needto get away?
We havethe perfectplace.
Actually,we have9,000.
Our guidesare packedwith
LGBTaccommodations,
bars,
bookstores,cafes& more,
acrossthe US, Canada,
Europe& beyond.
New for 2007:
Dublin,Tokyo& Bangkok!
comic writer of the most serious kind - or a serious writer of the most
hilarious kind? - Aizley'swork can be found in national journals, magazines
and anthologies, and has aired on public radio stations nationwide. Her
second book, Confessions
of the OtherMother:Nonbiological
LesbianMoms
TellAll!(Beacon, 2006) was nominated for the Susan Koppelman Award for
Best Anthology in Feminist Studies in Popular Culture. Read Aizley's story
on page 58, then visit harlynaizley.com for more info on her work.
When you find a store with a mission statement that has the word pussy in
it, you've found something good;' says HollyDolezalek.
'i\nd it's wonderful to
see that Midwestern work ethic applied to a truly good cause:' Dolezalek's
article about the Minneapolis sex toy store Smitten Kitten (see page 48)
describes how the combination of nonporous sex toys, business sense and
feminists with master's degrees makes for a hot and unique small business. A
freelance writer and editor for LGBT and business publications in
Minneapolis, Dolezalek believes that what people do at work and in business
can be, well, almost as interesting as what they do between the sheets. When
she's not reporting, she follows local and national politics, writes fiction and
goofs off with her beloved gray cat, Birkenstock.
Call for a free catalog,
or log on to our onlineservice.
damron.com
s I curve
"I never imagined Married Women Who Love Women would touch so
many women so deeply;' says writer CarrenStrock,whose lesbian classic
makes its way to readers as far away as Hong Kong, Israel and Slovakia.
In this issue, Strock tackles different territory: lesbian friends and their
enduring importance (see page 49). Strock, who is currently at work on
a second edition of Married Women Who Love Women, is also a painter
and photographer. See her artwork online at erols.com/ carrens.
THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
"
you asked for more
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the best-selling lesbian
magazine is now published
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one
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subscribe now and
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life I style I travel
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Letters
cur.ve
23 Hot Jobs
SomeAustralian
friends
magazine.
gaveusCURVE
Youaresuchcoolpeople.
Thegaywomen'scommunityin Romania
is not
wellknown.So,lastyear
we decidedto makeour
ownmagazine.
It's hardto obtain
financialsupportand
we'restruggling
to
survive.Weusedourown
moneyandnowwe're
outof ideasonhowto
makemoney.Weallwork
voluntarily
forthis magazine;we don'twantto
getpaidforthis,wejust
wantfor ourmagazine
to surviveonthe market
andmakepeopleaware
aboutourcommunity.
- Eugenia
Budurea,
Enolamagazine,
Romania
"AfterreadingaboutTofuA Go-Go I'm eager
to,travelto Provincetown,
Mass. for a yummy veganmeal. I'd loveto meet the owners.
I reallyadmirethem for teachingpeoplethat
veganfood is tasty,creativeand diverse.
ThankscuRvrfor givingus vegansubscribers somethingelseto enjoy."
... 'f'
I recently saw your cover for the November issue (Vol.16, #9),
and I love it. It is sexy and strong: something that many do
this month's
not think that a woman can possess and exude simultaneously.
partner is 33 years old. It gave us hope in the younger genera-
Keep up the good work.
tion. Her efforts and accomplishments should be recognized
- Ashanti White, via e-mail
CURVE
(Vol. 16, #9). I am 36 years old and my
and honored. Our cause is not a popular one, but she strives
forward anyway, helping those who are different from her. She
I love the new cover, but I love all the covers from your maga-
has a point about the civil rights movement. It would have been
zine. It's a solid cover: glossy, chic, well composed and very much
even more difficult if what few white people who did stand up
in keeping with this fall's trend of celebrities and media icons
and say"treating people this way is wrong" hadn't marched and
glowering through their Botox (whether botulism was involved
helped. We, like Martin Luther King Jr., have a dream of a
or not). If I could have altered it, I would have brought more
world where there is no separation ... only God's children living
sex to the image. This is a promo shot for a television show, and
in a world together peacefully with equal rights for us all.
I wasn't drawn into it by beautiful but surly women, but a bit
Thank you, Cecilia for making a difference.
less death around the eyes might have piqued my intrigue.
- K. A. Harrison-Adcock, via e-mail
- Ann and Jennifer, Fort Oglethorpe,Ga.
thought it was great! The only thing that was missing
was me.
Editor's
Note:Congrats!
It's not easybeingfirst;
weknow,we werethe
first magazine
of our
kindin 1990andwestill
believelesbiansshould
findtheirvoicein the
media.Ouradvice?Ask
everyonefor cash,even
it it'sjust 5 bucks.Find
waysto tradeservices
andaskeverydykeyou
knowto advertise.
And
remember
yourjob is
to get themagazine
in
thehandsof othergay
women- if youkeep
givingthemwhatthey
wantthey'llcomeyour
way.Andwe'll tellCurve
readersto emailyouat
timaios_nyx@yahoo.
com.
-
My partner and I read your article on Cecilia Thompson in
- Chantal, via e-mail
I have been subscribing to your magazine for years. After reading about Tofu A Go-Go ("For Vegans Everywhere;' Vol. 16,
#9), I'm eager to travel to Provincetown, Mass., for a yummy
vegan meal. The food sounds scrumptious, and I'd love to meet
Beyond awsome photo. Pick a flavor, any flavor. I love Dante's
Cove, and now to see the beauties in print2 Great choice. I love
that one as much as the July/ August cover (Vol. 16, #6); I'm
such a sucker for Joan Jett. Can't wait to see December!
- Nichole Bustamante, El Paso, Texas
the owners. I really admire them for teaching people that vegan
food is tasty, creative, and diverse. Thanks,
for giving us
- Kat Fisher,Norfolk, Va.
)
So, after receiving your magazine in the mail I got so excited
CURVE,
vegan subscribers something else to enjoy.
...~.
,&
I was very much pleased after reading the article written about
about Dante's Cove that I ordered it on Netflix. It arrived the
Haven Herrin and Right to Serve (Vol. 16, #10). It was a
other day, and my partner and I started to watch it. All I can
pleasure meeting Herrin over the summer during the 2006
say is, what a stupid show! The writing is awful, the acting is
Soulforce Equality Ride, and I am looking forward to the fu-
horrible and the people in the show look like they are oiled up
ture of justice and equality in our community because of endeavors such as Right to Serve and Soulforce.
at all times. This show is geared toward gay men who want to
watch soft-core porn right down to the cheesy music. What a
-- Roxanne Mclain, Tulsa, Okla.
total and complete piece of garbage.
- Gina M. Moore, Bakersfield,Calif.
When I first heard the news of Sheryl Swoopes coming out
Editor's Note: Well, Gina, differentstrokes,I guess.It's still a
guilty pleasureat CURVE headquarters.
months ago, I was thrilled ... then my next question was why2
Olivia. Of course, it couldn't be because she was sick of lying,
hiding, deceiving and wanting to be true to herself and the public. She should call Cuba Gooding Jr., so she can practice say-
10 I curve
Letters
ing, "Show me the money!" We can look at it any
way we like ,but if there hadn't been cash attached
to her coming out, she'd still be way in.
- Deb Ferrell,Chicago
After three years, I had decided to drop my subscription to CURVEbecause the magazine is so
youth-oriented
it seemed to have nothing much
to offer to me. Then I saw a notation in the
September issue (Vol. 16, #7) that a TV play
called The War Widow was finally available. I have
been hoping for some 30 years to get a videotape
(or, now, DVD) of that PBS film, and would never
have known of its availablity without CURVE.So,
for my 68th birthday, I gave myself a copy of the
film - and a new subscription to CURVE!
- Dot James, Ione, Calif.
Editor's Note: Dot, you made my day! We're taking
this as a specialcall to arms to make sureyou find
even more to loveabout CURVEin 2007. Thanksfor
stickingwith us.
r-
rl
read was about the un-readability of the new font.
I am disturbed that CURVEmade no mention of
I will continue my subscription even if I have to
the closing of Girlfriends magazine. The lesbian
community is extremely underserved in terms of
put it under a microscope.
publications. I subscribed to both your magazine
Editor's Note: It's your lucky day, Laura. We made
and Girlfriends.I was excited to see who would get
the "get:' I think the competition made both magazines better. While I am sure that this most recent
that peskyfont biggerthis issueand made the letters
darker and easierto read.Let us know what you
think.
closing has boosted your subscriptions, the fact
remains that our world just got a little bit smaller.
Got
That alone is worth mentioning.
E-mail letters@curvemag.com;
- Laura Hassett, via e-mail
m thin
V
r
A" rl?
write to CURVE
- Heather E. Hendelson, New York, N.Y
Letters, 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco,
CA 94103; fax to 415-863-1609. Please include
Editor's Note: Heather, we'rewith you here.It's al-
your name, city and state. Letters may be edited
ways a sad day when a lesbianpublisher takes a hit.
It cuts closeto homefor all of us and we'remaking
it our great responsibilityto reachout to readerslike
you who might be noticingtheir absence.
for clarity and length.
. ,,..._
When I got my last magazine and turned to the
page with the letters, the first thing I thought was,
"Fuck, I have to get my reading glasses." I was really aggravated when the letter I was able to finally
In our November 2006 issue (Vol. 16, #9) we did
not give the names of the models who appeared
in the article "Diesel Femmes:• From the left, the
models are Zoe, Stacy Bias and Ejiria, with model
Kaia in the background. Also, Sossity Chiricuzio
attended the University of Arizona, not Arizona
State. CuRVE sincerely regrets the errors. ■
January/February
2007 j 11
j
e Doct
Internation
tivist
P oar~
·ve Pr
r
From her office in the middle of San
Francisco, Dr.LisaCapaldinicalls herself a
"country, small town doc:'An internist, she
Her medical credentials alone are impressive,
but coupled with her activism, Dr.DanaBeyer
has certainly helped better our world.
When her daughter once asked her if she was
a "wesbian;' JackieTaylorquickly assured her
has been in private practice in the city's Castro
District for almost 20 years. With a small
office and a staff of two, Capaldini prides herself on her one-on-one connection with her
After studying at Cornell University
and the University of Pennsylvania, Beyer
"She had some trouble with Ts back then;'
explains Taylor, 55, associate vice president
for Academic Affairs and professor of com-
patients in a down-to-earth atmosphere. Just
this year she was voted "Best Doctor" in the
San FranciscoBay Guardian'sReaders' Poll.
This distinction makes her especially proud,
because the votes were from individuals based
on their feelings about their physicians.
But make no mistake about this Marcus
Welby. Capaldini, 50, is a nationally renowned
expert on HIV, having lectured and published
extensively on all aspects of the virus. She completed her residency in San Francisco just as
AIDS was becoming widespread. At one point,
her practice was comprised of about 80 percent
HIV-positive patients.
"As a young doc who trained at a leading
AIDS institution and as a lesbian, it was a
no-brainer for me to end up an HIV specialist;'
she says.
Over the years, Capaldini's practice has
gone through some big transitions. Today,
HIV can often be managed with medications,
so her energies are directed at identifying
the right meds for HIV-positive patients,
convincing them to stay on those prescribed
meds and eagerly addressing a much wider
variety of patients and illnesses.
As for lesbians infected with HIV,
Capaldini says there is work to be done
because the risk of lesbian-to-lesbian transmission is not well understood. "That leaves
us in risk reduction limbo;' she says.
Still more frontiers ahead for this citylivin' country doc. - Sheryl Kay
12
Icurve
interned at the George Washington
University Hospital and did her residency at
the internationally renowned Bascom Palmer
Eye Institute. She later worked in Africa and
Nepal, assisting local populations to provide
desperately needed medical services - all
while known to the world as Wayne Beyer.
Beyer's mom had taken DES during her
that she was.
munications at DePaul University.
And when Taylor asked her daughter if
she knew what that meant, the reply was, "Yes,
it means you're magic, and you're smart:'
It's just one among many stories you'll
find in Taylor's latest work, tided Waitingfor
pregnancy. Once used to prevent miscarriages,
the drug was later found to cause severe health
the Call,due to be published this spring. The
book is an autobiography reaching all the way
back to Taylor's childhood, growing up as the
problems for mother and child. Born with both
male and female anatomy but raised as a boy,
daughter of a Baptist preacher in Appalachia,
continuing through two divorces and then her
Beyer knew from early childhood that her gender had been misassigned. After 9 / 11, Beyer
finally realized it was the right time to move
ongoing 22-year relationship with her partner
as they raise two adopted daughters together.
Taylor, who calls herself a storyteller, is
well known in dyke theatrical circles both for
forward with her lifelong dream. In 2003, she
completed the transition, becoming Dana.
Now retired from medicine, Beyer works
as a community activist with groups such
as Equality Maryland, the National Center
for Transgender Equality, the DES Sons
her writing and performances. She's also often
called upon to speak in schools about lesbian
partnered families as well as about lesbians
and faith.
International Network, the Human Rights
Perhaps due in part to her own familiarity
with religion, Taylor has been able to enjoy an
Campaign and the National Gay and Lesbian
Task Force. In September, she ran for a seat
in the Maryland House of Delegates on a
increasingly successful career as an out lesbian
for the past 25 years at DePaul, a Catholic
university. Noting the school's new LGBTQ
platform supporting universal health care,
improved public transportation and civil
Studies minor she helped develop, Taylor says
that the school's administration now believes
that"hospitality and inclusiveness is at the
rights for all. Although she fell short in the
votes, Beyer says she didn't lose.
'Tm determined to help lead a progressive renaissance in this state and this country;'
she says. "I believe the desire is there, the
support of the people exists, we just need the
right kind of leadership and enough of it:'
-
Sheryl Kay
heart of what it means to be a Catholic and
Vincentian institution:'
As stories go, one of her proudest, she
says, is to have been a part of that growth.
- Sheryl Kay
Curvatures
\Vhy Straight Chicks Dig
Lesbian Sex, Too
It's a forgone conclusion that Angelina Jolie cuts across all sex
and gender norms. Decades from now, scientists will study the
feral beauty for inspiring even gay men and straight women
Come Out,
Come Out!
to loll their tongues out of their mouths while watching her
kick Brad Pitt's ass in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. But pop culture's love
affair with lesbian sex began long before Jolie's indomitable lips
83%of thosewho
identifyas gayor lesbian
considerthemselves
out.
became wallpaper on straight girls' computer screens throughout the nation.
Karen on Will & Grace and Rachel's admission of having
No.1 reasonfor not
comingout:fearof being
a victimof a hatecrime.
"knocked coconuts" with a character played by Winona Ryder
on Friends were among the first signs of a new national sentiment. Straight women dig lesbian sex. Maybe it hearkens
to study dates at Wellesley or Mount Holyoke that turned
into makeout sessions while listening to Sarah McLachlan's
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy. (Sex is the one forgivable studyprocrastination method.) Hence the dawn of a generation of
socially advantageous by husbands and boyfriends. Since the first
LU Gs, lesbians until graduation. But it leaves the dyed-in-the-
8-year-old girl invented the game of playing "house;' girls have
wool lesbian wondering -
like the old protest song "Where
loved kissing other girls. And what pubescent girl hasn't made
Have all the Flowers Gone:"' - where have all the LU Gs gone?
out with and engaged in a little friendly frottage with another girl
Post bachelor's degree, some settle for the predictable pas-
under the pretense of practicing for boys.
tures of purely her-sex, while others incorporate their lesbian
But here's how we still hook 'em (straight girls, listen up):
sex urges into their love lives. Some tried it once like it's the
Women care if you orgasm and they notice if you do. Sex toys
lesbian sex free-fall at Disneyworld -
are fun and provide a cornucopia of options for topping, bot-
a badge of sorts.
Whoareyoumostlikely
to comeoutto?
Closefriends92%
Parents78%
Siblings73%
Co-workers
66%
Placeof worship28%
Because men fantasize about watching two women get it on
toming and everything in between, and usually no one's mas-
- which is about as original as fetishizing Princess Leia wear-
culinity gets threatened. The number of fingers involved can
ing the chain-mail bikini - a woman can openly hook up with
vary depending on your mood -
another and pretend she's fulfilling her man's hackneyed fan-
sometimes matters. Women smell better, you can go to break-
tasy. It's a win/ win for her. Ditto for swinging. But the her-iden-
fast wearing her clothes and no one will notice, and, well no
tified woman doesn't go for other women just because it's deemed
unexpected pregnancy. -
let's face it, we all know size
70%of heterosexual
adultsin the U.S.know
someonewhois LGBT.
Froma HunterCollege's
Center
for Sexuality
andPublicPolicy
studyanda 2006pollby Harris
Interactive®
Tracy E. Gilchrist
Five Sure.-fire Ways to Score
So, winter is here and you are thinking that there is no reason to go cold one more night, right? Fear not, oh fruitless one,
3. Linesare not superficial,
meaningless
phrasesusedby
salesmen.
They are, instead, moments where pure comedy and
for you will soon be loved, and adored, in bed. To get the grrl
true intentions can emerge from the murky gray zone of unex-
(or boi) of your dreams into the sack, there are really only five
pressed desire and insecurity. I once had a crush on a very cute
things to keep in mind.
woman who went out for a smoke any time there was a second
for conversation. Finally, the jig was up. She pulled a out her
1. Defineyourintentions.
Ask yourself, what are your goals?
fifth cigarette as she crossed the dance floor. I stopped her and
Are you looking for a long-term situation, or a short-term
said, "Hey, are you going to smoke all night, or dance with met
something? Once you know what you want, if it's sex you're
She carefully considered her cigarette, then looked at me, then
after, the next step is to bring it up.
2. Timingis everything.
Remember that scene in Go Fish?
at her cigarette, then at me. Pretty soon, we were dancing. As
Max and Ely never left the house, because Ely arrived early or Max was running late -
and someone needed to do their
far as I am concerned: dancing equals sex.
4. Waxpoetic.I dare you. It is not nerdy to carry the work of
your favorite poet around, and it is not nerdy to be yourself.
nails. Laughter is what made that date move along rapidly;
5. Getyoursafersextoysstocked.Physical and emotional
that and a very brave Ely dive-bombing into Max's neck. Don't
health should not put a damper on anyone's expressions of hot-
waste time waiting with forlorn looks to see if so-and-so likes
ness. Sex should be something that enhances your life, when
you: action is where the party is at.
she is there and when she is not. -
Tania Ham midi
January/February 2007
j
13
Curvatures
Hooking up in Cyberspace
Interested in Internet dating
but don't know where to start?
Here are a few options.
Craigslist.org:
The
women-seeking-women
c er
Curvemag.com
asked
readersaboutlastyear's
popularbut controversial
lesbianfilm Loving
Annabelle (nowon
DVD),a moviein which
a teacherandher17year-oldstudentfall in
love(andmakelove).
Thepollcauseda muchheateddebateon our
messageboards.Here's
whatreaderssaid:
5 • I i
1 (you
can't helpwhoyoufall in
lovewith)
26% I ·1 av n
n (I'm reserving
judgmentuntilI do)
12% I think it's
om ·rr e
(Annabelle's
almost18,
afterall)
sec-
tion of Craigslist is a hotbed
of dyke drama, gossip, party
announcements and, yes, personal ads. If you don't mind
the drama -
and come on,
you know you love it -
you
can find pretty much anything
you want here, from coffee
dates to one-hour
hookups.
But watch out: Given the anonymity of Craigslist, the flake factor can be high.
Curvemag.com:
So, you thought cuRvE was just for reading, did you? Well, the nation's best-selling lesbian magazine
has long taken a holistic approach to lesbian life, so if you're
looking for a girlfriend, check out our personals site. Bonus:
You know that everyone here has great taste in periodicals.
Friendster.com:Ostensibly
created
for
"networking,"
Friendster links you to all your friends, their friends and their
friends' friends, and thereby allows you to easily determine how
many girlfriends separate you from the curie you met last weekend. Plus: Friendster allows you to post up to 50 photos on your
page, which means you can get a pretty good idea of what someone really (maybe) looks like.
MySpace.com:
The music clips and fl.ashing icons found all
over MySpace make it appear largely geared toward teens, but
MySpace has drawn a lot of dykes who have gotten bored with
Friendster's more limited technology. A word of warning: If
9% It happe
bu
it' not -ght (I had you're surfing the profiles at work, mute your computer, or else
crushesonteachersbut
thankgodtheydidn't
reciprocate)
someone else's favorite song is going to start blasting through
your office.
PinkSofa.com:
This international dating sire, specifically for
lesbians and bisexual women, is straightforward and easy-cobrowse. The downside: It only allows you to search by state, not
city, which is a problem if your state is a big one. On the plus
side: There are active community forums.
PlanetOut.com:
This mammoth dating sire draws women of
a wide variety of age ranges, locations and interests, but can feel
a bit impersonal. Pluses: You can search for FTM and MTF
dates, and the site enables women to identify as butch, femme
or neither.
FindYourNiche:Jewish lesbians can finally find a spiritually compatible girlfriend now chat ]Date.com offers samesex dating. Christian dykes can look for like-minded ladies
at GayHarmony.net. For saucy, sexy women looking to hook
up as well as stimulate your intellect, try out Nerve.com.
And don't forget the personals section of Burch-Femme.com.
Kate Earnshaw
-
Opie Takes Over Santa Fe
9% It's.
m'llo
(C'mon,
she'sunderageandher
student;that's criminal)
Santa Fe, N.M., is a gorgeous place - ever the more-so because the work of renowned lesbian photographer Catherine
Opie, one of 13 artists featured in Sire Santa Fe's sixth interna-
each child, set against solid background colors: red, blue, green,
brown. On the fourth wall is self-portrait of the artist herself in
tional biennial, "Still Points of the Turning World;' (on exhibit
full-frame, with her baby boy, Oliver, nursing. A stunning depiction of queer motherhood, the installation reminds us chat not
SearchCurvemag.com through early January).
There are a number of places you may have already encounfor moreon Loving
only tough, butch, hip mamas can keep watch over the healthy
development of children, but sex radicals can as well. This point
Annabelle.
tered an Opie original. The photographer first bounced into
the limelight with her early 1990s portraits of the Los Angeles
leather community. For L Word fans, season two's opening
sequences feature a remarkable row of Opie photographs of
14 I curve
is brought forth upon a close viewing of Opie's chest in the selfportrait: the white scar across her chest reads "pervert:'
The installation's effect is an artistic romper room, a wonder-
women in facial hair on yellow backgrounds.
ful play space in which friendship between children and lesbian
moms is accepted and honored. Opie's positive contribution to
At Site Santa Fe, a room of 20 white-framed photographs
line three walls of a well-sized room. Each image is a portrait of
the conversation about parenting, sexuality and privacy speaks
volumes in the visual language of artists. As you exit the adobe
a child of artists or of gay couples chat Opie knows. The photos are crisp and rich, like oil paintings, and focus sharply on
walls, you may just come out singing chat familiar refrain, "Yes,
I am:• - Tania N. Hammidi
Lesbian May Get Death •
J
In one of the most bizarre and heinous crimes
to hit newsstands in late 2005, a deaf lesbian
stands accused of murdering another (allegedly heterosexual) deaf woman in Sioux Falls,
South Dakota. The victim's body parts were
found in different states, her legs and arms in
South Dakota and her torso in Minnesota.
The autopsy discovered that the victim, 42year-old Darlene VanderGiesen, was either
suffocated or beater_ ,•.,,. ti-~ l,e:i '-..
rn·,
~-v
---~a.tty
\Jays
Have you ever received an offbeat Valentine's Day gift? A pukegreen knitted sweater? A gift certificate for electrolysis? A ceramic
bean character that reads, "Nurses make the best friends;' except
gh
you're a financial planner?
The art of Valentine's Day gifting is an intricate, deeply psy-
for
choanalytical trade. So what does your gift say about your girl's
to-
feelings for you? Unexpected gifts may be the best kind to give.
1ot
Ochers may just be indications that you might as well be singing
lus
the soon-to-be lonely blues. Here are some tips on what your gift
really says about your girlfriend's devotion.
of
If your girlfriend gets you the traditional gift of red roses, a
eel
teddy bear, a trinket or 14K gold bracelet, you can bet she may or
[F
may not love you very much. She could think she's being romantic,
11e
or she could have 10 other women to buy things for but not the
time to be creative. The one certainty here is that she's boring. Yes,
:u-
if she gets you a traditional Valentine's Day ensemble, you can bet
she'll get you a sweater for Christmas, music or movies for your
1es
birthday, and a big fat dose of ennui when you approach the sec-
ok
ond Valentine's Day with her. Unless of course, you're boring too.
m.
If your girlfriend is avant-garde and takes you on a helicopter
m.
ride over the city, engages your every sense with fine dining and
Miss Money
"I never felt like there was an unconscious part of me
around that woke up or that came out of the
closet; there wasn't a struggle, there wasn't an
attempt to suppress .... I met this woman, I fell in
love with her, and I'm a public figure.">> Actor
Cynthia Nixon to New York
"I've visited the halls of suicide, popped some tops,
and loved some beautiful women. Yes, I've had
my sleepless nights, but I've also seen God's
face, and I write about these things in my music.
I don't pretend to be anyone other than who I am
- an imperfect person who loves a perfect God."
>> Lesbian rapper Miss Mo ey to Outsmart
wining, throws you into ecstasy with a creative new gift that you
never said you wanted, but were secretly saving up for, you know
she's a keeper. Personalized gift choices (and I don't mean matching engraved ankle bracelets or an insignia towel set) mean that
your girl is attentive. She takes time to understand your needs and
"It's actually a lot easier kissing a girl. It's like, OK, here's
a kiss." >> One Tree Hill actor Daniella Alonso
to Maxim
desires, and goes out of her way to make you feel loved.
m
If helicopter rides make you queasy or fine dining is not within
ic-
your girlfriend's budget, don't worry. There are plenty of other gifts
tot
that will qualify your girlfriend for honorable dyke status.
hy
Did your girlfriend run to the drugstore on Feb. 14 to find
int
your gift or did she order it eight months in advance? It could be
the identical item, but the time and energy she put into getting
it for you can make the difference between a long-lasting rela-
er-
tionship and one that fizzles out before you can say, 'Tve always
an
wanted an automatic plug-in air freshener:' Ultimately, the best
to
gift is subjective.
.ks
If your woman put time into your gift idea, even if it's not expen-
be
sive or original or exactly what you wanted, you can bet you'll want
es,
to keep her around for another year of sappy Valentine's Day lovin'.
-
"I'm not that categorizable, if that's a word .... Sometimes I can be tomboyish, and sometimes I can
be girly. It depends on what mood I'm in. I like
the balance." >> Black Eyed Peas' Fergie to
Rolling Stone
Allison Steinberg
January/February
2007 j 15
Cyberspace
Chris Carraher
I PAINTER, ACTIVIST AND RANDY DANDY I
Working-class painter Chris Carraher isn't your mother's artist. Er, or your father's. Carraher, better known as Jack Dandy, came of age in the 1960s
in the working-class suburbs of east Los Angeles and is largely self-educated in art. But that hasn't stopped this fascinating genderqueer lesbian from
working with numerous renowned artists (like Lisa Bernstein and Kim Addonizio) and creating a body of work that says as much about politics as
most protest art without overtly saying anything. Her recent exhibition lovefull of lifeMojave Desert home -
shown at Art Queen Gallery in Joshua Tree, Calif., near her
is a series of paintings about non-het romantic love.
Her abstract, lyrical and petite pastels painted on sanded paper are, says Carraher, litde"altars to queer love" that couldn't exist without us."Without
queer girls, there would be no lovefull of life:'The most amusing must be the hilarious "blue-ball'd butch'' ( top left). Carraher laughs when she recounts
its origination. "There was this, uh, moment where let's just say I was frustrated sexually, and my cruel mistress took no pity on me but instead improvised some lyrics about a blue-ball'd butch, sung to the tune of that old folk chestnut, 'Sweet Betsy from Pike: The image I ended up with proved to be
pretty provocative .... I've witnessed quite the variety of blushes, guffaws and consternation in response. I was initially apprehensive to put something
so blatant as the blue-ball'd butch on the poster for the show, but then I quit worrying about it. Some viewers get the subversive content and may be
grateful, or perhaps fearful for me. Others 'feel the love' but are, at the same time, mildly perplexed. Some just like the colors and never know what hit
'em. I feel that, as art, it succeeds:'
Check out this randy dandy or her must-read blog at jackadandy.net. - Diane Anderson-Minshall
Curvatures
Lesbian May Get Death Penalty
In one of the most bizarre and heinous crimes
to hit newsstands in late 2005, a deaf lesbian
Wright's relationship with Collins and the
murder was an act of jealousy.
stands accused of murdering another (allegedly heterosexual) deaf woman in Sioux Falls,
The story reveals a couple of unique and
noteworthy trends. The fact that Wright is
using her deafness as a possible loophole to
South Dakota. The victim's body parts were
found in different states, her legs and arms in
walk away from the charges will no doubt be
carefully examined. A taped admittance that
puts the victim and the accused in the same
location on the day of the murder was sup-
South Dakota and her torso in Minnesota.
The autopsy discovered that the victim, 42year-old Darlene VanderGiesen, was either
suffocated or beaten over the head.
This month, 43-year-old Daphne Wright
will stand trial for kidnapping and murdering VanderGiesen and prosecutors will seek the death penalty. Wright pleaded not
guilty to the charges, but has been the lead suspect since bone
fragments, muscle, and fat that matched the victim's DNA were
found in Wright's basement just over a week after the murder.
From the moment she was arrested, police say Wright's story did
not match up. She first told authorities she did not see the victim
on the day of the murder, then later admitted they had met at a
Pizza Hut to discuss a surprise Valentine's Day party they were
planning to throw for Wright's girlfriend, Sallie Collins.
Police believe that VanderGiesen was trying to break up
February 4 - 11
(J
SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST A GAY SKI WEEK
LADIES
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posedly shot with no sign language translator and Wright's lawyers are trying to substantiate that it should not be used in court because Wright
did not understand what exactly was being asked. The law may
decide in her favor, as the court is required to provide a translator and any breach in police or court proceedings renders the
legitimacy of the evidence useless.
In a largely heterosexist (and quite possibly homophobic)
state like South Dakota, it is also interesting that sexuality is
only a sidebar in this story. In fact, it is the hearing disability
that has taken centerstage in the news coverage. Should lesbians be happy that this one may not go down in our history
books? - Allison Steinberg
characters did
you miss last fall?
Dana37%
Shane27%
Alice16%
Bette11%
Thenewgirl 5%
Jenny3%
Max/Moira1%
Froma Curvemag.com
pollin
October
2006
Curvatures
Lesbofile
Brangelina's Got Our Back
Are Brad and Angelina really on our side or just a little commitment phobic? I ByJocelynVoo
Miss Cleo's out of the closet, while Annie Leibovitz
has one foot in and one out. Who knows who's gay
these days?
Pitt Falls of Marriage
With three babies already in tow, AngelinaJolie
and BradPitthave the world wondering (and the
The NewsweekarticledetailsLeibovitz'srelationship
with her,m~ntioningSontagby name 15 times, but
neverthe words "partner,""lover,""gay"or "lesbian."
Hard-hittingnews?You decide.
tabloids speculating) when they're going to officially
settle down. ''.Angieand I will consider tying the knot
when everyone else in the country who wants to be
married is legally able;' Pitt told Esquiremagazine in
Trumpisn't
its October issue. But billionaire Donald
buying it. "Maybe [Pitt's] just come up with an excellent way to stay a bachelor;'T rump writes on his blog.
"It makes him look really concerned about the plight
of other people. Yet at the same time, he doesn't have
to get married. This guy is smarter than I thought:'
The Cards Don't Lie
MissCleo,everyone's favorite fraudulent late-night
infomercial psychic, has come out of the closet.
Cleo, or Youree Dell Cleomili Harris, is best
known for dominating the 1 a.m. slot in the late
'90s and early '00s, urging viewers in an impenetrable Jamaican accent to call her psychic 900 number.
But it wasn't the stars that inspired her to come
out; instead, it was her teenage godson. "When he
made the decision, I told him I'd be there to support him 100 percent, and he embraced [coming
out] wholeheartedly;' Harris tells the Advocate."I
thought, I can't be a hypocrite. This boy is going
to force me to put my money where my mouth is:•
Why she didn't see this coming is anyone's guess.
Picture Perfect?
A September cover of Newsweek featured Annie
Leibovitz,billed as 'J\merica's foremost celebrity
photographer;' who shot such iconic photos as
a nude and very pregnant DemiMooreand the
Jackson's
bustier during 2004's Superbowl halftime,
world's first glimpse of SuriCruise.The article is
he lamely blamed a "wardrobe malfunction:• Fast
resplendent in photos, both her work and candids
forward two years to an episode of FX's Nip/Tuck
taken of her extended family, three children and
where RosieO'Donnell
goes topless. No malfunc-
"the person she was closest to for that decade and a
tion. In an October episode, The View co-host plays
As
the late writer and critic SusanSontag:'
a woman who visits Dr. Christian Troy (played by
Gawker.com notes, the article details Leibovitz's
JulianMcMahon)
to get liposuction - with a little
relationship with her, mentioning Sontag by name
15 times, but never the words "partner;• "lover;'
ing a flesh-colored tube top during the love scene, but
"gay"or"lesbian:' Hard-hitting news? You decide.
the cloth came up during screen tests. Solution? The
half -
sex on the side. O'Donnell was supposed to be wear-
talk show queen whipped it off and gave McMahon
The Naked Truth
an eyeful."Nice boobs;' he reportedly told O'Donnell.
When JustinTimberlake
ripped off part of Janet Who says chivalry is dead?
1s
I
curve
Come on Baby, You Know You Want To
Despite rumors that Penelope
Cruzis now dating
Orlando
Bloom,
ardent fan and drag king extraordinaire MurrayHillwon't take no for an answer. Clad
in a tan polyester tux and a paste-on mustache,
Hill was seen blatantly hitting on Cruz at a Paper
magazine party thrown for her and Academy
"They
Award-winning director PedroAlmodovar.
tell me you and I would like each other;' Hill said,
according to the New York Daily News, then tried
to swap numbers with the Spanish beauty. It's unknown whether Cruz handed over her digits, but
she was still woman enough to pose for a photo. ■
Curvatures
Key West's
Distinctive Resortfor U1>men
Making No Compromise
Margaret Caroline Anderson, a lesbian, anarchist and pivotal figure in
both last century's Parisian literary
scene and American and European
modernism, gets her due in an exhibit at Yale's prestigious Beinecke
budget. Standing proud
on the display shelf at the
Beinecke, sporting brightly
hued covers of orange, red,
gold and blue, each has the
trademark block lettering
and the infamous tagline
"Making No Compromise
with the Public Taste:'
Rare Book and Manuscript Library.
"Making No Compromise," a collection of manuscripts, letters, personal
papers and photographs documents
Anderson's life in both the US and
eventually Paris. By association, it
also highlights the intimate circle of
women she cultivated, among them Elizabeth
Jenks Clark, Georgette Leblanc, Colette, H.D,
Natalie Barney, Kathryn Hulme, Solica Solano
and Janet Flanner.
Between 1914-1929, Anderson's pioneering art
and lit magazine, The Little Review, published poetry, criticism and artwork by many of the 20th century's significant writers and artists. A writer hersel£ Anderson was known for her strong opinions
and wit. In addition, she was a feminine beauty who
had many famous lovers - Solano and Flanner
among chem. Yeeit was her relationship in love and
business with dashing butch Jane Heap that helped
shape literature's future.
Each small issue of the Little Review was a labor
of love for the women, often done on a shoestring
to provide
Determined
the best possible content
for her discerning readers,
Anderson published the
likes of Gertrude Stein, Ezra Pound, Pablo Picasso,
Man Ray, Mina Loy, T.S. Eliot, and Sylvia Beach.
Most famously, the Little Review printed a serial
version of James Joyce's controversial work Ulysses,
which caused both scandal and financial hardship
for the magazine when the book was deemed "obscene" by the United States Post Office.
Tirza True Latimer, a Yale professor specializing in the history of visual and queer culture, says,
"During its 15-year life span, the Little Review introduced literature and art that found no ocher public
platform in America, and, in some cases, the world:'
Latimer says that by advocating against censorship
and promoting advocacy for social causes including
gay rights, the magazine developed a political edge,
"pioneering a form of activism:' - Rachel Pepper
Lisa Whitehead's Forbidden Fantasy
Award-winning,
renovated,
historic
property
38 rooms & suites
2 pools
2 hot tubs
The Strand restaurant
Concierge services
Terrific staff
Pearl's Patio poolside bar
"Photography is a big part
of me; it helps me co express
myself;' says 20-year-old
whose
Lisa Whitehead,
work has appeared m
Digital Photo, The Guardian
and several ocher publications in her native England.
"You will see some pieces of
my work are quite dark and
moody, a bit edgy:'
Yep, "edgy" is one way
to describe her sultry series of lesbian fantasy photos, which catapulted her into the public eye after
being banned from her end-of-year exhibition
at Stratford College. After two months of work
for the show - Whitehead's first attempt at a
mixed-media piece - the images were deemed "too
explicit:' Despite the setback, Whitehead is fiercely
and rightfully proud of the photos citing them as
her most exciting project to date. An out lesbian
since the tender age of 15, Whitehead doesn't strike
us as the kind of gal who would shy away from a
little controversy. See more at lisawhicehead.co.uk.
-
Catherine
Plato
bl t) il C
',..,nltics,
1
s,)
www.pearlsrainbow.com
1.800.749.6696 • 525 United Street
KeyWest, Florida 33040
January/February 2007
I 19
.ri
,-j
:\j
::i
1 Mary Liddel (left) from Options for Sexual Health and Melissa Egan from YouthCo
AIDS Society at Vancouver, B.C:s Aquired Taste, a YouthCo fundraiser 2 Ellen Huang
(left), the Wau Wau Sisters and comic Scott Thompson at Queer Lounge Toronto 3 Jennifer
Coolidge (left) and Parker Posey at Queer Lounge Toronto 4 Sexy revelers rockin' the CURVE
Halloween Ball in honor of November cover girl Michelle Wolff5 Very sexy (but apparently
organic) femmebots dance for the crowd at Girl2Girl in Seattle 6 More of those party girls
at the CURVE Halloween Ball at Julie's Supper Club in San Francisco 7 Laura Linney (center)
and a bevy of fans at the HRC Dinner in Minneapolis 8 Drinking up with the lovely lasses
at Girl2Girl Seattle
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9 Seven of POWER UP's Ten Amazing Gay Women in Showbiz (from left): attorney Dina
LaPolt, CURVE's
executive editor Diane Anderson~Minshall, here! TV's Meredith Kadlec,Jenny
Shimizu, AfterEllen's Sarah Warn, Outfest's Kristen Schaeffer, and FX's Stephanie Gibbons
10 Anderson~Minshall at POWER UP's Power Premiere in Beverly Hills 11 Sandwiched
by the women of Dante's Cove (from left): Thea Gill, Erin Cummings, Anderson~Minshall and
~
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Michelle Wolff 12 Celebrity reps (and recent Oprah stars) Carole Antouris and Nikkie Weiss at
POWER UP 13 Jenny Shimizu (left) and filmmaker JD Disalvatore at the POWER premiere
14 Alison Zawacki (left) and Debbie Wells at Haunted Women's Week at Holly's Place in Lake
Tahoe 15 South of Nowhere'shotties 16 LaPolt (right) and guest at POWER UP 17 Girls are
1
S (cheerleading) associate editor Catherine Plato
a fright at Women's Week, including CURVE
Advice
Ask Fairy Butch
PICK-UP
LINES THAT
WILL NOT
WORK
The Parade of Babes Begins
A playeris only as good
as her game- how
weak is your pitch?
Granted,anythingmay
beatthe openingvolley
of "What'syour sign?";
however,if you're dishing any of thesesorry
lines,you deserveto go
homealone.
The Classic Yet
Useless: "Excuseme,
I seemto havelost my
phonenumber- could
I haveyours?"
"Yourbody'sname
must beVISA,because
it's everywhereI want
to be."
Too Much Info: "I'm
packinglike a U-Haul,
baby.Wannamakea
move?"
"Do you like doinghome
improvement?Because
I'd like to show you my
Snap-ontools."
The Back-Handed
Compliment: "You
might not be the best
lookinggirl here,but
beautyis only a light
switch away."
"Baby,the moreI drink,
the betteryou look."
TV Isn't Sexy: "The
L-wordof the day is
'legs.' Let's go backto
my placeand spreadthe
word.''
Do You Kiss Your
Mama With That
Mouth?
"If your left leg was
Thanksgivingand your
right leg was Christmas,
could I visit you between
the holidays?"
"Are you a cunning
linguist?"- KateLacey
Dear Fairy Butch: My ex-girlfriend is now my roommate. We were living together as lovers for two and a
half years and doing okay - until she cheated on me
with her ex-girlfriend. She confessed to iJ, but only at
the point where the ex was threatening to blow the lid
off her secret. So far, she says she has only cheated on
me the one time. She tells me she loves me, but she has
realized within the last several months that she needs
to know that she has the freedom to see other women if
she wants. I don't think I can deal with her seeing other
women right now because I am still attracted to her.
I value our friendship, which brought us together
in the first place, and at this time I don't want to and
financially can't afford to move out. Yet I know that I
am facing a not too distant future that is going to hurt
like hell. How do I get through this? How do lovers
become friends? - Fearful in Frankfurt
Dear Fearful: Sugar, I would do absolutely anything I could
to move out of that place of residence as soon as possible
- before she starts the Parade of Babes. I don't know how
possible this is for you, but if there is any way for you to make
this happen, I suggest you give it the old college try. You say
that you can't afford to move, which I can certainly understand,
one else; it is interesting how one can just feel this.
Putting all anger aside for now, I just genuinely miss
her and still love her. Thanks for listening. - Heartache
in the Heartland
but electing to stay there when you need to go is only going
to exacerbate the pain you're feeling now and may feel in the
future. You need to create some distance between yourself and
that particular spectacle, especially since she hasn't shown her-
Dear Heartache: I'm so sorry to hear you're hurtin: darling.
No matter what the distance may be, there is rarely anything
quite as eviscerating to the human heart as the end of an inti-
self to be particularly respectful of your feelings or of the relationship you've shared.
How do you get through this:' You gather your friends, keep
them as close to you as possible. You schedule friendship dates
with them, let them love you and cry on their shoulders. Watch
movies. Exercise. Take walks. Put her presents and love notes
in a box that you hide from yourself for the time being. See a
counselor or your clergyperson. Fill your days with structure
and as much activity as is comfortable for you. Get a massage.
Get a home-cooked meal from your friends or your family.
As for becoming friends, that will likely take time, and as I
said, some space. It might be easier once you've started dating
other folks as well, when you're ready. Be as kind as you can
be to one another and honest with one another as well during
this process. That will lay a base for a better friendship in the
future, sugar.
Dear Fairy Butch: I know that you've heard this one
a billion times, but my girlfriend dumped me for
another woman. Granted, she had moved away and
neither of us really wanted a long distance relationship, but when she found someone else, the reality of
no longer being together really set in. Though we are
500 miles away, I could sense that she was with some-
22
Icurve
mate relationship. I think that long distance relationships can
be dicey indeed unless there is a careful plan in place to keep it
afloat. I think that sometimes it can be a way to make a break
that is otherwise too difficult to put in effect. In any case, hang
in there, take good care of yourself. Be relieved by the fact that
at least the whole town will be your oyster.
Dear Fairy Butch: I am a 36-year-old self-identified lesbian who has not had sex with a woman yet. I have
been thinking about the kinds of things I would like to
try and dildo sex figures prominently. Can you tell me:
Is dildo sex as physically pleasurable for the woman
on top? - Newbie in New Jersey
Dear Newbie: Welcome to the fold! There are a number
of things that a woman can do to make wielding a strap-on
a whole lot of fun, most involving clitoral stimulation and/ or
penetration, whether vaginal or anal. Perhaps I'll go into more
depth, so to speak, on this in another column, but in the meantime, check out my book, The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex:
A CompleteGuidefor Women and Men! ■
E-mailJb@fairyhutch.comwith your queriesregardinglesbianlife,
sexualityand romance.
Lipstick & Dipstick
Advice
Gee, I Think My Daughter is Gay
the bleeding after you tear the bandage off, which,
I promise, is the hardest part. 1, 2, 3, pull!
Dipstick: Lipstick is right; to your homophobic
father, there is no such thing as breaking it to him
gently. For some reason, your father's life lesson is
to learn how to deal with lesbians. But you have to
remember that it's his cross, not yours. You have
every right to live your life out, proud and free. But
before you tell him, make sure you don't need his
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: After catching
his ex-wife in bed with a woman years ago,
my Dad's a bit homophobic. He won't allow
my bisexual half-sister to bring her girlfriend
to the house. For years I've tried to keep the
peace between them, all the while hiding my
own secret: I'm a lesbian. How can I tell him
gently? - Dealing With Dad
arms again, I realized I'd made a terrible mistake,
and the shortstop had moved on to the catcher.
Trust me on this one: if Tina's really your friend,
give her the opportunity to find true love.
Lipstick: Pity Please, you're suffering from I Can't
Have It So I Wane It syndrome. Very common. The
cause is still unknown, but many speculate it's tied
to lack of direction. The symptoms are the same
financial support. I'd hate for you to end up with
the other gay and lesbian youth on the streets.
across the board: acute passive-aggressive behavior (especially when alcohol's involved), fantasies
without execution and isolated call dodging. This
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I live in a small
town where everything is limited, especially
affliction is also giving you the impression you really
want her again, another side effect. The best way to
manage it is to avoid the trigger - in this case, Tina
girls. So my best friend, Tina, asked me out,
- and to figure out what you want in life.
and I said yes although I wasn't that interested. After a while, I got bored and broke
up with her. But now when she talks about
her new girl, I feel jealous and get a pit in my
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My adult daughter has hinted that she's a lesbian. I want to
ask her directly, but I don't know if I should.
stomach. What do I do? - Pity Me Please
She seems to be struggling with many areas
in her life, and I think the source of her stress
Lipstick: Have you ever had a Band-Aid stuck
to your forearm? You learned the hard way not to
pull it off slowly, right:' The same lesson applies
Dipstick: Listen to your first instincts, Pity
Please. It's the most common breakup scenario
here. Rip the damn thing off as quickly as possible. His reaction won't be affected by how gradually you lift your cover because Dad's homophobia
in the books to suddenly wane her after she has
a new girl. Why, even Dipstick went through chis
is real, as is the resentful fear at its root; he got
chose prejudices the hard way - seeing his wife
once. I became bored dating someone who really
should've been no more than a friend. The chemistry just wasn't there, so we broke up. Then she
between a pair of sexy legs. So let him carry his
own baggage while you do the best you can, stand-
started dating the shortstop on her softball team.
Well, wouldn't you know it, jealous little Dipstick
ing in the truth of who you are. You can deal with
begged her to come back. But once she was in my
is this issue, yet I want to respect her privacy.
What should I do? - Mom of the Year
Lipstick: You kick ass! If only all dykes had moms
like you. While I celebrate your hipness, I'll warn
you about opening the door too soon. Back in my
good ole closeted days, if my parents had confronted me, I would have: 1) freaked out and 2)
lied. "What! Of course I'm not gay! I'm a sorority girl for Christ's sake!" Sexuality is complicated,
and coming out to oneself - even if you're already
sleeping with women - takes time. Listen to chat
little voice and wa. until she's ready to tell.
Dipstick: I have to disagree with you on this one,
Lip. If there's one thing Dipstick learned in her
years working with gay and lesbian youth, it's that
coming out to parents is the hardest thing they'll
ever do. I suggest you bring up the topic with your
daughter, but in a way that assures her you're fine
with it. For example: "Mrs. Johnson's son just came
out, and she's having a really hard time. But I want
you to know that if you or your brothers are gay, I
would have no problem with it. I love you unconditionally:' And if she's a little coward like Lipstick
and still doesn't come out to you, don't worry, she'll
come around and tell you when she's ready. ■
Ask us anything about sex, loveor lesbiansat lipstick
dipstick.com.
January/February 2007
I 23
Advice
Astro Grrl
Testing New Waters
You ache Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Sex:Girlfriends get you into all sorts of mischief this
for a January. Aqueerians should dip a toe into new social
pools. Heck, why not just dive in and get wet:' Career:
relationship Money comes and money goes. How far will it go:'
and will How far will you go to get it:' Stay tuned ...
find one Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Sex:You are shocking this January. But don't keep it all
that hits to yourself. Plug into a few new sockets and electrify
your love life. Is that a pink bulb:' Career:Guppies are
your G spot. I given new professional opportunities to explore if they
Tryto hit can get off their easy chairs. Don't wait.
the full Aries (March 21-April 19)
Sex:Make a New Year's resolution to improve your
alphabet love life. Will you find her at the office, among your gal
pals or on vacation:' The answer is yes, yes and oh, yes!
as the year Career:Nothing charges up a career like a little bit of
elbow grease. Rams have quite a bit of it this January. Whip
progresses. up
into a lather and slide up the ladder.
it
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Sex:You are lucky, lusty and in love this January and can reek~
Aqueerians
shoulddip
a toe into
new social
pools.
Heck,
why not
just divej
in and
get wet?
lessly charge ahead. Will you be a Sapphic Bull in a china shop:'
Remember, honey: You break her heart, you buy it. Career:
You
always think the best of people. Some of them don't deserve it.
Give all business opportunities the smell test now.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Sex:You ache for a relationship and will find one that hits
your G spot. Try to hit the full alphabet as the year progresses.
Career:Surprises on the job come to you like a bolt out of
the blue. Early retirement, anyone:' Maybe you'll find a well~
endowed benefactress instead.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Sex:You may find the lady of your dreams this January, but
be sure to enter into a relationship fully awake with your eyes
open. Career:Money may be tight in January. You will have to
learn to budget and save your pennies. Who's Penny:' Why not
let her treat you:'
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Sex:Sex will be shocking and surprising this January. Good; it
will keep you on your toes. But avoid antics in the bath when
you are using electronics. Career:
Lionesses are surprisingly less
confident in their professional prowess now. But it is all in your
head. Keep your worries to yourself and put on a good show.
24
Icurve
you settle down:' Career:There are too many distractions
at work this January. Some of them are fun and frivolous.
Lucky girl.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Sex:Girlfriends may be jealous of all your many admirers.
You have too many to choose from anyway. Why not spread
the wealth:' Career:Expect changes on the job. Some are very
surprising, some are a relief and some are a bit of both. How
to choose:'
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Sex:A romance sweeps you off your feet. Whoopee! Pack a
pillow for the eventual landing. Career:Continued setbacks
in your career have you reappraising your corporate path.
Sometimes a detour is the fastest way. Or maybe you could just
park for a while:'
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Sex:Cool your jets before you take off in a new relationship.
She will shake your foundations. Do you have the proper
earthquake insurance:' Career:You are full of spit and fire this
January and prepared to show the powers that be what you can
do. Remember: Spit douses fire. Take it slowly.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Sex:Do you have any hidden secrets that need to be released
and aired out:' Of course you do! Sometimes showing your
dirty laundry is sexy. Career:You make a sterling first impres~
sion with top tier glitterati this January. Will it glitter as bronze,
silver or gold:' ■
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Sex:Relationships will have their ups and downs but settle
For more advice from the stars, visit our astrologer, Charlene
down toward the end of the month. The real question: Will
Lichtenstein, online at thestarryeye.com.
CELEBRATECURVE ON
THE L WORD
ISSUE RELEASE+ L WORD STARS+ EPISODEPREVIEW
W HOTELSAN FRANCISCOSATURDAY,JANUARY13, 2007
TICKETS AT CURVEMAG.COM
@@[f
We're two demanding, high-strung lesbians from San Francisco.
She's a social worker here to unwind from an overwhelming
caseload; I'm an anxious writer looking to serenely celebrate my
birthday. We've brought a gym bag full of sex toys, and we're
desperate to relax. But can we? By Heather Boerner
Sure, Harbin Hot Springs, located atop a hill in che arid region just north of Californias Napa Valley, has
all the trappings of a dyke oasis. It boasts a large vegetarian kitchen for the crafting of communal meals,
an organic restaurant, daily yoga classes, miles of hiking trails, a full-service spa and even nightly movies
including Margaret Cho's Notorious C.H.O. Harbin's got a coffee bar and a market in case you forgot
your Tom's all-natural toothpaste or want a honey-sweetened chocolate truffle. There are booths where
you can indulge your shopping jones if you like batik sarongs and toe rings. Most important, there are
four natural spring cubs: two warm, one scalding and one arctic.
Like most dykes, we're frugal, and Harbin is accommodating. You can stay on the cheap by camping
or you can opt, as we did, for a hotel room. Save money by choosing a half-bath or no bathroom, and by
staying in the middle of the week, when it's less expensive and crowded.
But Harbin also boasts straights - lots of them. From the curt woman who checked us in to the
kind man who gave me a massage, there are straights everywhere. On the weekend, the cubs are packed
elbow-co-elbow with them. Harbin also prohibits some of the finer things in life, like alcohol, drugs and
cell phones. If you're looking co party, look elsewhere. If you want to run and scream, cake it to town. But
QuickFacts
•••••••••••••••••
Harbin Hot Spr"ngs
18424 Harbin Springs Rd.,
Middletown, Calif.
Information and
Reserv ·on •
707-987-24 77
California toll-free:
800-622-2477
Harbin.org
Challenge One:
Rooms range from $30 a
night to camp to $250 a
night for your own cottage.
All visitors who use the
tubs must pay for a "mem-
Upon arrival, we suspiciously eyed the nearly naked. Clothes were flung on: cotton drawstring pants on
the men, falling off and exposing hipbones; loosely tied sarongs or gauze dresses on the women, floating
bership." A one-month
membership is $10.
if you want co inject some relaxation into your life and reconnect with your honey, welcome to Harbin.
That's not to say our relaxation was automatic.
over braless breasts and panty-free butts.
We noted what seemed co be overt gender roles: women with long hair, men with short, women in
dresses, men in pants. Where did this leave us? I'm as femme as the next girl but my girlfriend, George,
is not. With short hair, a sports bra and wardrobe comprised of boxer-briefs and the Gap men's department, George is anything but your typical hippie flower.
Naturally, she had a harder time than I did transitioning from clothed San Francisco dyke to naked
January/February 2007
I 27
hippie lesbian. When we visited Harbin two years ago, George
for immediate expulsion from Harbin," the couple was clearly
was somewhat traumatized by being engaged in small talk by a
having sex. They grunted softly and gyrated in that familiar way.
guy she vaguely recalled from college. They were both naked. It
George and I tried to move away but were pinned in by the guy
was a special moment.
next to us and the massage therapists giving water massages, called
Watsu, in the middle of the pool.
So when we arrived this time, we stripped off our clothes but
defenses didn't fall so easily. We'd been in the tub for 20 minutes
On the far wall were the lurkers. They were lined up, like they'd
when we discovered that someone had stolen George's flip-flops.
been caught up a tree with binoculars. Forty-something and bald-
She was enraged.
"Damn straights!" she bellowed over and over again. "You can't
trust'em!"
We spent dinner playing foot patrol with everyone who walked
ing, they didn't miss a beat. They knew the couple next to us was
having sex. They noted the protruding nipple of the woman who
getting a Watsu massage.
past. When we returned to the pool, her flip-flops had reappeared.
And yes, they noticed the big-breasted lesbians hugging each
other on the side of the pool.
Challenge Two:
that a curly-haired man was removing his man-skirt and tropical
If you're visiting a place designed for nakedness, you shouldn't be
print blouse. He got in the tub and sat on the steps. For the next
surprised when people look at your body. And we weren't surprised. Heck, I love being naked and don't mind the attention.
45 minutes, he stared. He didn't waver, he didn't seem to meditate.
A few days later, we saw in the shadows beside another pool
But there's a difference between looking and gawking, and some
of the straight men at Harbin haven't quite worked out the difference yet.
Case in point: Our first day, we stood in the large warm pool
next to a straight couple. Clasping each other under a sign reading,
"Sexual activity of any kind or unwelcome advances are grounds
2s
I curve
He watched George gently swirl me around the tub. He watched
me reciprocate.
At one point, I leaned in to George and suggested, "We should
give him a show. I'll grab your boobies, you grab my boobies, we'll
make out and get kicked out of here:'
He left before we could. "I guess he went to cruise another tub,"
George cracked.
He may have been the same guy who, earlier that night, elicited alarm from a middle-aged
woman sharing our tub. After he left, she came
over and said, "Did he give you the willies, too? He
gave me the willies!"
I don't know if it was him. Like a caged animal
or a subway commuter in New York, I never make
eye contact. God forbid he tries to engage me in
conversation, and ifI see an erect penis, I'm out of
there. So instead, I choose a world of denial. He's
not really fixated on the angle of my hips as I lean
into George. No, he's ... meditating. He's looking
at the stars. He's staring into space.
Eventually, it became a sport. Is that guy facing
the side of the pool to relax or to hide an erection?
Is that guy meditating or watching my breasts
mash against George's? Is that guy sitting close to
us unconcerned about personal space, or does he
wants to be our third?
were delicious. Adapted to the nudity, I only smiled when I saw
Verdict:
my massage therapist naked in the hot pool. We nodded and
By the end of the week, we'd become the naked people we
closed our eyes.
scowled at upon arrival. We played Scrabble under umbrellas on
And most important, the trip was worth it when, after the
hot days in nothing but loungewear as a man with long hair wear-
lurkers left, my girlfriend wrapped her legs around my waist
ing a tiny skirt watered plants.
and floated backward. I watched the light from the pool speck-
We spent afternoons in our room reading, dozing and having
sex. We retired early from the tubs for the same purpose. We saw
led across her belly, making the tiny air bubbles clinging to her
abdomen sparkle.
a buck out our bathroom window the first morning. The meals
I could get used to being a naked hippie lesbian. And Harbin. ■
FREEDOM
STARTED
HERE
In addition to our famous historical sites and
cultural attractions, Philadelphia and The
Countryside® boasts a gay neighborhood with
scores of gay-friendly restaurants, clubs, theaters
and shops. You are warmly invited to spend a
few days in the place where all people were given
the freedom to live life as they choose.
To plan your next trip ...
goph la. om/gay
Tutankhamen
and the Golden Age
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2007 Philadelphia
Flower Show
Legends of Ireland
Feb 3rd - Sept 27th
March 4th - 11th
Philadelphia's R Family Vacation
~~~~~,
March 9th - 11th
Book through: rfamilyvacations.com
PhiladelphiaGay
TourismCaucus
Bucks *
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* Delaware *
Montgomery *
Philadelphia Counties
January/February
2007
I 29
,n
C
■-
MANDY CARTER, NORTH CAROLINA
She may have been born in Albany, N.Y., but there's very little
northerner left in Mandy Carter, a nationally acclaimed social
justice activist who has spent the past 23 years in Durham,
N.C., fighting homophobia in a plethora of ways. She may be
best recognized as a co-founder of the LGBT advocacy group
Southerners On New Ground, aka SONG, but let's not
forget her Nobel Prize nomination in 2005 as part of the"l,000
Women for Peace;' or her more than 10-year fight to unseat
Sen.Jesse Helms, R-NC, for which she was named one of Ms.
magazine's Uppity Women.
"When you make an impact in the South, it just has a
greater and longer impact because it's not expected to happen here;' said Carter. "Look at civil rights. Despite all of that
incredible oppression, we still prevailed. There are moments
that appear we may be going backwards, but we are moving
forward too, and I'll always remain an optimist:'
□
..J
DR. JILL DOLAN, TEXAS
Lesbian theater and performance in America today has been
ow
:::s
...
ABC's Good Morning America, CBS's Early Show and the syndicated Dr. Phil Show, often discussing her landmark litigation.
'J\lthough you can't tell by the accents of most residents,
Florida is very much part of the Deep South;' says Doering. "I
like to say that Florida is to the LGBT civil rights movement
what Alabama and Mississippi were to the African-American
civil rights movement - ground zero. The good news about
being in Florida is that if we succeed here, we know we can
succeed anywhere!"
KATHLEEN WOMACK, GEORGIA
Thirty years ago, Kathleen Womack achieved fame as a young
U.S. National Parks Ranger when she had a cave passageway named after her because of her spelunking activities in
Kentucky's Mammoth Cave.
Today, attorney Womack employs the same adventurous
characteristics as she trailblazes her way through litigating
domestic partnership issues for the Atlanta LGBT community. She's also a longtime activist and community volunteer
who's served in executive positions for the Stonewall Bar
The times they are a--changing in the South, and these powerhouse
Southern dykes are just the tip of the iceberg. .l)ySheryl.K.ay
II■-
:(
laregely defined by the research work of Dr. Jill Dolan, the
Zachary T. Scott Family Chair in Drama at the University of
Texas in Austin. Author of numerous books and critical essays
on dyke favorites including Wendy Wallerstein, Peggy Shaw
and Showtime's The L Word, Dolan describes Austin as a "lib-
Association and the Human Rights Campaign, and she's currently chair of the political committee for Georgia Equality.
Womack, echoing Dolan, called Atlanta a "big blue city
in the middle of a big red state:' She conceded that while
being an out lesbian attorney there has in no way hampered
eral oasis in an otherwise very, very red state:' Still, she has had
to face challenges from students who come from all over Texas
and often bring fanatical right-wing ideas with them.
''I've never had so many students 'come out' in my classes
her career (in fact, it may have helped it), life for lesbians in
rural Georgia isn't real peachy. Still, she says, "I don't know if
their hesitance or fear is justified, but if they would all just
come out, it will only get easier for all of us as straight people
around the state realize that they have LGBT neighbors:'
as religious;' she says. "That's a bit unnerving for me:'
Being a lesbian in the South, she says, brings its own very
unique identity crisis of "being an outsider, because of the
increasingly virulent anti-gay legislation and discourse, and at
the same time, feeling at home in a place that's insistent about
30
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DR. ELLEN RIGGLE, KENTUCKY
~
KAREN DOERING, FLORIDA
For the past 15 years, Dr. Ellen Riggle has attempted
to fulfill a mission to disseminate accurate information
about same-sex partners in America. Riggle has authored
numerous books reflecting her scholarly research through
studies both countrywide and from her home base at the
When she's not teaching law at Stetson Law School in St.
Petersburg, Fla., Karen Doering does her best to defend and
protect the laws for gay women all over the country as senior
counsel for the National Center for Lesbian Rights. Many of
her cases have achieved national prominence as she contin-
University of Kentucky, noting that a national knowledge
base serves as a wealth of information that can influence
public policies and affirmative public services.
Riggle says negative stereotypes about Kentucky are just
that: stereotypes. But she acknowledged significant challenges
f
ues to fight state and federal legal battles on behalf of samesex marriage and partner benefits, gay adoptions, and sexual
orientation, race and gender discrimination lawsuits.
Doering has appeared on numerous TV shows, including
still exist down South, in great part due to religious fanaticism.
"Religious extremism definitely plays a large role in creating a toxic environment for young LGBT persons growing up in Kentucky;' she says. And that's what keeps her
its own difference from the rest of the states:'
C
r::
J
:!.
~
?
_
researching there.
"It's important for research to be conducted in all areas
"Being gay is the least remarkable thing about me;' she says.
"My successes in life have come as a result of drive and dedica-
of the U.S., not just on the coasts;' she says. "We chink that
tion to achieve at a high level. But I also know that I'm able to
chert is a lot to learn from these couples about creating com-
do my best work when I can operate as a whole person -
mitted, nurturing, satisfying relationships in a challenging
social context:'
hiding my sexuality,not flaunting it, but just being who I am:'
DR. MINNIE BRUCE PRATT, VIRGINIA
A Southerner to the core, Dr. Glenda Elliott experienced
Southern-inspired
not
DR. GLENDA ELLIOTT, ALABAMA
feminist and lesbian poetry is synony-
during her 20-year teaching tenure at the University of
mous with Dr. Minnie Bruce Pratt, an Alabama native who
Alabama all of the charm and all of the prejudices that come
has spent much of her 60 years writing about all forms of
with life in the South. It wasn't always easy.
oppression and racism. Her accolades are endless, includ-
"Remaining closeted for the most part in my profes-
ing recognition from the New York Times and the Academy
sional life was a drain on my energy and damaging to my
sense of authenticity as a person;' Elliott says.
of Poets for her book Crime Against Nature, fellowships
from the National Endowment for the Arts, and a Lambda
Literary Award for Poetry.
work developing designated counseling
Years ago, says Pratt, life for the LGBT communities
and social services for the college-aged LGBT community.
in the South was horrific, with people being committed to
Today her paradigms, particularly her Safe Zone program,
mental institutions and consistently high suicide rates. She
are used at universities across the country.
recalled her own personal tragedy when her two sons were
The South is still a bastion of prejudice and hate, Elliott
taken away from her during a contentious divorce with their
says, but she's quick to point to other states that are now pass-
father, simply because she was an out lesbian.
ing anti-gay marriage amendments and refusing to include
Today, however, she sees improvement through special-
y
Still she persevered, using her experiences to help in her
groundbreaking
ized social services that are geared toward helping lesbians
sexual orientation clauses in their hate crime legislation.
"I believe our whole country has a long way to go:'
and gays down South and through social concerns shared
1
1
by all segments of society.
"The people in my hometown of 1,500 are reading my
DR. KARLA DRENNER, GEORGIA
When she signs her letters "love and light;' Dr. Karla Drenner
f
books now;' she says. "I never thought that would happen:'
e
JONI MADISON, NORTH CAROLINA
cises that muscle every day as a representative in the Georgia
What do Audi, Sony and Travelocity have in common:' All
state House, recently re-elected for her fourth term.
is not attempting some touchy-feely sign-off, but rather
showing her belief in the power of positive change. She exer-
are successful companies that use the Durham, N.C.-based
ad agency McKinney and Silver, that in turn depends on the
Consistently recognized for her public and nonprofit
leadership efforts, she's garnered awards from Southern
:l
financial and business acumen of Chief Operating Officer
Voice, the Georgia League of Conservation Voters and the
n
Joni Madison.
Stonewall Bar Association; just this year she was named a
:l
h
worked her way up through the creative and production side
Although Drenner has seen a continued acceptance of
e
of advertising, becoming a vice president at McKinney in less
her sexuality from some of her fellow state representatives,
e
than 10 years. Today, she oversees all day-to-day operations
she cautions against complacency.
e
at the agency, including the upgrade of all information tech-
"I'd debate that things are really getting any better;' she says.
nology systems. She's also worked tirelessly for the Human
'Mer 137 years of Democratic rule in Georgia we're being sub-
Rights Campaign and today sics on its Board of Governors
jected for the first time to Republican dictatorship, and if that
and the Advisory Board for the YMCA.
continues, it will get worse here, especially for gay people'
Beginning as a freelance writer 20 years ago, Madison
Flemming Fellow by the Center for Policy Alternatives.
Good ale boys are alive and well down South, Madison
says, but she's used her knowledge of how they think and
BRENDA AND WANDA HENSON, MISSISSIPPI
work to her benefit. Her advice for success:' Be true to your-
When Katrina hit the shores of several Gulf Coast states
self and don't get caught up in labels.
Powerful Lesbians continued on pag1c71
January/February 2007
I 31
31 Super Sexy V-Day Gifts
Forget diamonds - why not get your girlfriend something you'll both enjoy?
Put It on,' Let Her Take It Off
Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit ($120), a fun,
Do it like the Pussycat Dolls: don one of
portable game (and last year's best-selling UK
Shirley of Hollywood's super seductive cor-
dance game) that lets you play stripper in just
sets, bustiers, robes and more. Our faves are a
60 seconds. Comes complete with garter, fake
vintage-looking Stretch Pink Stripe Bustier,
cash, a pole instruction manual and DVD.
Incredibly Soft and Fluffy Black Robe, Stripe
and Polka Dot Print Charmeuse Corset
There's also Peekaboo Poker: Truth, Dare, or
Style Baby Doll and Two Tone Heart Lace
with poker - the perfect game for sleepovers
Baby Doll. Most in sizes up to 3X. ($39 and
with your bi-curious sorority sisters. ($20,
up, shirleyofhollywood.com)
peekaboopalace.com)
Private Pleasures
The Gyrlz Gotta Have It
Owner Karyn Cook's curated toys are like art
Never one to be outdone on toys, Babeland
Bare that combines X-rated Truth or Dare
pieces from a sex museum. Even if you can't
offers a few delightful deals. Don't miss the
afford to spend $1,500 on the Lela Yva - the
Je Joue ($290), a vibe with sleek silicone
18K gold-plated luxury vibrator -
pads that quiver, twirl and vibrate accord-
Boudoir
has a host of incognito toys like the Lipstick
ing to programmed
Vibe ($25), Waterproof Vibrating Shower
and software lets you program the grooves
Scrunchie ($15) and Devine Toy Box ($45)
in black leather or pink. Or follow Kate
ranging from the five-minute Quickie to
Moss' lead and try Shiri Zinn's Minx, a pink
Emotional Bliss ($69 and up), a series of
a 20-minute
grooves. USB cable
Rock. Another
must: the
Swarovski crystal toy with fluffy tail and a sil-
elite woman-made vibes like the Jasmine
ver, engraved display stand ($300). Boudoir
has a wish list service; you can create a se-
and Isis, that will change your mind about
cret wish list to be e-mailed to your sweetie.
and don't want to scare her with new toys,
(boudoiressentials.com)
try one of Babeland's sexy new body prod-
sex toys forever. If you're only on date two
ucts like single serving massage bars, lickable
Equal Opportunity Orgasms
dust and oil, and mojito massage candles.
If Boudoir is the Tiffany of toys, Vibrator.
($10 and up, babeland.com)
com is the Target of the sex world. Everything
you could want is here, it's affordably funky
Indulge in the Bath First
and the aisles are clean and free of leering
Who needs Cupid when you have sweet
men. Many items, like the Vibrating Velvet
scents:' Try Lush's seduction-worthy massage
Corsette Harness ($51), Grrl Shorts Strap-
bars (Soft Coeur has gooey honey and cocoa
on Harness ($36) and the hands-down most
powder, Mange Too has white chocolate
fun toy, the Waterproof Jack Rabbit ($49),
are sold here for less than other stores.
and fresh bananas) or their provocative
Best bets for a good time are Bed of Roses
lush.com). And if you're off for a quickie,
gift set ($14), yummy Climax Fruit Bomb
take along scented Pleasure Wipes in mango,
Strawberry lube ($14) and the ultimate V-
strawberry or vanilla ($1, gswipes.com) just
in case things get, uh, messy.
Day gift, the Kama Sutra Lover's Paintbox.
pink Sex Bomb bath bomb ($6 and up,
At $42, the latter comes with rich dark, milk
and white chocolate pints and a sensual body
brush. (vibrator.com)
Video Eros
If all else fails, tune into the new lesbian rock
'n' roll erotica -
dirty ditties where music
New Adult Entertainment
takes a starring role like Carolyn Caizzi's
Forget porn, the Cone is really all the adult
hot dyke Coming Home ($30, early2bed
entertainment
you need. This super soft
pink silicone cone looks like modern art,
.com),
French
queer
film
One
Night
but with a big motor, 16 automated pro-
Stand (myspace.com/ onenightstandmovie)
and Erocktavision's Girls' Night In ($30,
grams and an orgasm button, it's more like
erocktavision.com). And if you like it really
hours of strange, hands-free fun. ($120, cone
dirty, try the gay male A Rim With a View's
zone.org). If you've still got energy, try the
groovysoundtrack jukebox feature. ■
Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit
Bed of Roses
January/February 2007
I33
Queer Femme Follies
These queer burlesque dancers are fighting their own sexual revolution, where
dykes are proud to be flirty and feminine in fishnet. By Lauren Marie Fleming
Queer women's events are being taken over by fishnets, feathers and follies.
upcoming documentary, GurlesqueBurlesque,Chicago's Sissy Butch Brothers
Everywhere you turn there are round rumps shaking, beautiful breasts twirling
examine the history and current revival of burlesque in the United States. To
and luscious ladies dancing. Not that I'm complaining; it's about time the queer
raise funds for their film, Red Vaughn Tremmel and Gwen Lis put on bur-
world embraced the burlesque renaissance that's happening, and I'm tickled
lesque shows in Chicago to audiences of more than 1,000 people. They say they
lavender that queer dancers of all varieties have teased their way into both the
hope to use their documentary to "tell a moving tale about an irreverent and
straight and queer performing worlds, leaving audiences begging for more.
powerful entertainment form that continues to raise important questions about
Of course, the hardest part of writing about queer women in burlesque
is defining "burlesque:' Most dancers couldn't even give me a solid definition.
women, their sexuality and their public power in American culture:'
Members of Vancouver's gender-bending troupe Stilettos and Strap-Ons
most organized and professional people I've ever met. Their hard work shows
laughed at me sadistically."Do you have four hours?"
in expertly choreographed numbers and extravagant costumes, all designed
On the West Coast, the members of the Diamond Daggers are some of the
Vidalia Paradise, of the San Francisco-based Diamond Daggers, offered
a little more help. "Burlesque has a histori-
by members of the troupe. Likewise, Miss Indigo Blue, founding member of
cal context . . . it's a certain kind of artistic
Seattle) and TwirlyGirl.net, a Web site that sells titillating pasties. The Red Hots
expression that is born of a vaudevillian
Burlesque troupe also has their own School of Shimmy, which enables people of
Seattle's BurlyQ has started both the successful Academy of Burlesque (also in
performance era that has components of a
all sizes, genders and colors to get a "Ph.D. in Take It Off-ology:' At the end of
ribald humor, an irreverence, fun-loving and
their four-week program, students join their teachers onstage at one of the Red
sometimes political nature:'
Hots' weekly performances. Nearly all do it in addition to holding"regular"jobs.
That's not what Websters says, but
They take their sexuality seriously as well. Many have backgrounds in sex
every dancer from every troupe I inter-
work, and dancers are often interested in debunking female sexual stereotypes
viewed seemed to fit into this definition.
with performances that also turn political. "Burlesque dance is a powerful form
The Von Foxies of Seattle called themselves
for the expression and articulation of ideas about sexuality, gender, class and
"erotic comedy;' Stilletos and Strap-Ons called their performances "comedic
politics;' Blue says. She and all the other founding members of BurlyQ are
interpretations of sexuality onstage;' and Jen Gapay of Thirsty Girls Productions
said that the performances at her event, the New York Burlesque Festival, con-
queer former sex workers, something they feel no need to hide. The members
tain "a mixture of comedy, sexuality and vaudeville all rolled into one:' No mat-
woman, and they use their visibility to promote safe sex by passing out condoms
ter how they're shaking their tail feathers, they do it to make you laugh.
to their audience members from the stage. Heidi Von Haught of the Von Foxies
of Stillettos and Strap-Ons say that a sexual woman can be an empowered
And laugh you will. The comedy begins before the show has even started. I
said that she "always liked the fantasy of being a stripper, but the realities of
can't count how many times I giggled while talking to Pussy Liquor of Stilettos
and Strap-Ons, or Alotta Boutte of Harlem Shake Burlesque in Oakland,
being a stripper were different than my own fantasies:' She says burlesque
Calif., and believe me, the names are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to
absurdity in queer burlesque.
Case in point: Sir Loin Strip of Boilesque, a queer bearded lady burlesque
doesn't objectify women the way stripping can.
And in many ways, burlesque provides a way for these women to embrace
their own sexiness, no matter what size, shape or color. BurlyQ's Chica Boom is
proud to be Xicana and holds the title of Miss Gay Latina 2005. Alotta Boutte
troupe that holds the title of Misters Trannyshack 2005 in San Francisco,
of Harlem Shake Burlesque, this century's first African-American burlesque
joined the Diamond Daggers in tickling comic fancies at the National Center
troupe, says that she's "determined to show my audience that not only is this
for Lesbian Rights and Bay Area Community of Women's 2005 New Year'sEve
size-22 body feminine and my mocha skin delightful, but that I'm a sexual,
party. With routines that invoked Buster Keaton, Sir Loin Strip entertained the
sensual being, no shame, no hiding:' At the 2005 Miss Trannyshack competi-
audience while the Diamond Daggers made costume changes. When the gals
tion in San Francisco, her bold and brash personality handled her wardrobe
returned to the stage, their sheer enthusiasm alone put a smile on my lips. With
malfunction so well she left a hall full of queers screaming for more Boutte.
creative routines and perfect comic timing, their fabulous femme follies made
Harlem Shake Burlesque, which also includes Missy Marmalade and founding
sure the audience's last moments of the year were filled with hysterical laughter.
member Simone de la Ghetto, makes it their goal to "pay homage to all of the
The Von Foxies also pride themselves in finding "the attraction and sexiness in absurdity:' Their variety act, which often includes tricycles and fezzes,
Black burlesque performers that have graced the stage'' and remind audiences
that burlesque indeed has Black roots.
keeps the audience wondering what may be next and delights them when they
Still, the women must occasionally fight off discrimination and accusa-
find out. New York's Darlinda Just Darlinda calls her variety show a "Polyester
tions. When Stilettos and Strap-Ons first appeared onstage, they faced a
Performance;' a mix of burlesque, faux modern dance, psychedelic happen-
backlash within their own community for their performance choices and for
ings, comedy sketches and drag queen ballet, often including headdresses that
inviting non-queer people into their audience. The Diamond Daggers have
resemble teddy bears. Dottie Lux, who performs with Red Hots Burlesque
had to explain many times to fellow queers that they are neither objectifying
in New York, clowns around in her performances, literally. She says that "the
women nor going against years of feminist movements. Instead, as one member
world seems a little less serious when you're wearing grease paint:' In this time
said, they are "proud to have the luxury of being queer and feminine, and [we]
of war and recession, it's nice to see some people aren't taking life too seriously.
respect those who have come before us, but we need to keep changing and moving forward:' Viva la feminist revolution! ■
Despite all this silliness, they take burlesque careers seriously. In their
January/February 2007
I35
Pennyfor Her Thoughts
Brilliantfeminist,erotic pioneer and possiblemegalomaniac,PennyArcade
doesn't hold back anything. By Tania Hammidi
Internationally recognized for her theater production Bitch! Dyke! Faghag!
Whore!, performance artist and feminist erotic dancer Penny Arcade knows
- a dance form that many lesbians and femmes cherish for its "radical"potential
- has a mainstream history.
burlesque history. While celebrating the 15th anniversary of her famous show,
"I am not influenced by 'burlesque: Burlesque is, and was, and will al-
she proved an encyclopedic knowledge of the women left out of the who's who of
ways be the acceptable form of female sexualized dance. ... I used burlesque in
burlesque and erotic dance."Shelly Calcott, who I discovered in Tampa, Florida
contrast to my strippers who were doing down and dirty, unacceptable in thencurrent feminism erotic dance and floor work:'
in 1992 when I did B!D!F!W! ... [is] one of the greatest erotic-burlesque performers ever, even though she would not identify as a burlesque dancer:' She
trails off an endless litany: Honey Bruce (wife of Lenny Bruce), Kelly Webb,
Viva Ruiz, Tigger, Shelly Mars, the Alabama Slammer.
Arcade critiques current media interest in burlesque, which builds on a "sex
sells" motif without doing real research about its queer and counter-counterculture backbone.
Now, 40 years later, Arcade has volumes of pencil lines marking her accolades
"[When] they interview the stars of burlesque, be it Dirty Martini or Julie
as an artist: kicked out of her parents' house for being a "bad girl"; apprentice
Adas Mus, both of whom have participated in my work, those women are not
to gay photographer-artist Jamie Andrews (of The Playhouse of the Ridiculous);
going to speak of my work as they assume that it is well-known to the interviewer,
teenage superstar in Andy Warhol's 1971 Women in Revolt; friends with Candy
which of course it is not since [journalists] don't do research;' she says. "These
Darling, Holly Woodlawn, Ondine, Mary Warnov, Quentin Crisp,Jackie Curtis;
journalists also exclude Tigger - James Ferguson -
performer in dozens of plays and two world tours in Australia, Rio de Janeiro,
male, even though he is at the backbone of the New York burlesque scene and
recently won the National Burlesque Award in 2006:'
Venice, Austria, Germany, Canada, New York, England and, well, practically the
because he is queer and
entire avant-garde world from 1960 to modern day.
For Arcade, it's apparently time to write. She has turned to her memoirs, and
artist, there is still much ground to gain for the sexy,sexual world where femmes,
possibly her old Los Angeles stomping ground, to fill in the gaps of avant-garde
butches, trans guys, gay men and genderqueers tell the truth about the politics of
history where women's radical eroticism has been left out. Yet, she challenges
erotic and sexual labor, be it on the dance stage, in theater, at home or in books.
This is perhaps because, as Arcade has experienced through her decades as an
history's exclusions not just to voice her knowledge, but also to reveal "the real-
Perhaps one day Penny Arcade and women like her, who have spoken the
ity of how women support or don't support, acknowledge or don't acknowledge
truth and been bold women artists "over an arc of time" will no longer bear witness to the fact that"real bad girls don't get gigs:' ■
other women artists:' Arcade has always been a radical performer. Even burlesque
36
Icurve
Five Dating Lessons
From Hollywood
St0p listeningto your friends.Take your cues from film and
TV and score big with your dream girl. By Jenny Sherwin
Right now, as you read chis, there is a gay woman somewhere obsessing about how to meet, date and bed her the
girl of her dreams. Bue, alas, it perpetually appears chat
many of the community's most gorgeous, desirable hocties
have been swept away by women who make you feel like
band camp girl from American Pie. But help is on the way.
The following are five radical yet sure-fire ways to score fast
pick-up joint, with canes and crutches replacing skis and
tennis rackets as the new lesbian chic accessories. Every lesbian loves a project, and nursing an injured lover back to
health has it all over relining kitchen shelves or refinishing
your bedroom set; so grab an Ace bandage and a walker and
hobble on over to your Pride Fest du jour.
and furious with your dream dyke.
Become a Heroin Addict Like
4.
Gia. There's nary a gay chick on Earth who
1. Make up a Hot Dyke Name.
doesn't own High Art and the director's cut
of Gia on DVD. If these movies have taught
You'll never score with a name like Cindy
us anything, it's chat nothing says "lifemate"
like a woman in the throes of heroin addiction. After all, she's skinny so she's a great
or Tammy. If you want the grrls to swarm
all over you like bees on Idgie from Fried
Green Tomatoes, you've got to come up
with a name chat says Dykon. It's easy:
Say your name out loud and then pick
trophy to show off at the bars. She's homeless, so you'll have a lot of time to spend
together. And she never eats so you won't
the closest sounding textural material.
You can change Susie to "Suede;' Sally to
have to worry about getting chat second job.
"Slate," and Michelle to simply "Mesh:'
While you're at it, change your last name,
Pretend to Be a Lesbian
5.
Filmmaker. You chink Rose Troche goes co
too. Just pick the name of any sleek and
sexy automobile. You can bet chat "Suede
Mustang;' "Slate Camaro" and "Mesh
parties alone? Never! As hot as lesbian musicians were in the '90s, dyke filmmakers are
the gay rock stars of the new millennium. To
score big with your dream girl, buy a digital
video camera, a black blazer and an Outfest
Corvette" never go home alone.
2. Shag Your Hair Like The L
Word's Shane. She's built like a boy,
walks like a man, talks like a football coach
and treats women worse than Ike Turner,
X
yet there's not a lesbian alive who wouldn't sell her collection of Phranc CDs for a night of unabashed dirty sex with
Shane. Becoming as hoc as Shane is as easy as buying a razor
e
blade at Wal-Mart, putting on your favorite Joan Jett album
and slashing up your hair like Norman Bates after he studied
under Jose Eber. After chat, simply develop Shane's "I don't
e
care if you've got Jodie Foster's brain in Angelina Jolie's body,
I'm not all chat interested" attitude. Show up lace for the dace,
call your girl by the wrong name, make her pay for dinner, flirt
d
d
with other women over drinks and go home with someone
else. When your finally gee back to your pad, she'll be waiting
r,
te
t-
with flowers, a ring, and talk of her undying love.
3. Limp Like ER's Kerry Weaver. You show me a
lesbian, and I'll show you a woman who's adopted more
than one helpless stray - and I'm not just talking about
her ex-girlfriend. Ever since Kerry Weaver caned out of
Cook County General's closet, medical supply scores everywhere have replaced Spores Chalet as the hocte~t girl-girl
T-shirt, and then get your friends to help
you make a movie. No script? No problem.
Lousy lighting? Who cares? Next, invite your
chick over to "visit the sec:' If she seems taken back by your
film's public access technical status and horrendous juniorhigh quality of acting, tell her that ic"doesn'c have to be professional, it's arc" and "anyway,it's just going to the festivals:'
Like a flash, she'll commit, move in and begin her role as a
Hollywood wife, throwing all-night drunken bashes, spending your money and nagging for a role in your next film.
Remember, there's hope for us all and you'll never have co
be alone again. Scoring the girl of your dreams is as easy
as becoming the girl of her dreams: aloof, suave, helpless,
tortured and pretentious. All you have to do is change your
look, your name, your interests and become someone chat
you know absolutely nothing about. Or you could forget
about all of chis easy scoring scuff, find a nice girl you have
something in common with and build a life with her. Never
mind. Go gee a motorcycle, buy size zero leather pants,
splash on some CK One, strap on a leg brace and hit the
girl bars. ■
The Dos
and Don'ts of
Lesbian Dating
Remember when you first
came out of the closet
and started dating?
Wouldn't it have been
nice if you had a manual
of some sort, something
to guide you as opposed
to leaving it up to trial
and error? While there
aren't any definite rules to
lesbian dating, there are
a few universal dos and
don'ts to keep in mind.
On the first date:
Do watch out for the
warning signs. If your
date doesn't have a job
or lives with her parents,
she may not be relationship material. If she just
got out of a long-term
relationship or just came
out of the closet, she isn't
ready to get involved in
anything serious. Paying
attention to the warning
signs on the first date will
eliminate surprises when
it comes to the second
and third.
Don't talk about your
ex. No one wants to hear
about her. If you talk about
your ex-girlfriend, it gives
your date the impression that you're still hung
up on her. Conversely, if
your date talks about her
ex the whole evening,
beware, there are still feel1gsthere.
Do listen. The point
of a first date is to get to
know the other person.
So when they talk, listen
and respond in turn.
Don't make assumptions. Just because
your date is a mechanic
doesn't mean she can't
discuss literature or art.
Just because she has
long hair and wears
make-up doesn't mean
she's a bottom. No good
comes from making
assumptions; check all
preconceived notions at
Dos and Don'ts Continued
on page 45
January/February 2007
I 37
The Pleasuresof Polyamory
One-woman wonder Wendy-0-Matik tackles polyamory for us girls.
By Charlotte Rice I Photography by Phyllis Christopher
Wendy-O-Matik
is a one-woman revolutionary who has devoted her
(young) life to helping people learn to love freely and responsibly. She
has taught over 40 workshops on radical love and alternative relation-
what you truly want out of your relationships. Consider what kind
of boundaries you will need in order to build a lasting foundation of
trust, honesty and communication.
Doesn't polyamory have the reputation of being for people who
ship models that eschew patriarchal social traditions. A frequent guest
lecturer at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University as well
want to sleep around without committing to anyone?
as a freelance writer, published poet and radical performance artist,
Mainstream
latest book, RedefiningOur Relationships:Guidelines
for ResponsibleOpen Relationships,is a must-read for those dissatisfied
society and the media have perpetuated
negative ste-
with the constraints of monogamy.
reotypes of open relationships, which most people rarely question. There are as many people who "sleep around" but identify as
monogamous as soon as they find "the one" they want to commit to,
How did you learn about polyamory?
as there are polyamorous people who "sleep around" until they find
"the ones" they want to commit to. My point is that regardless of the
Wendy-O-Matik's
I'm an activist of the heart. I have always felt as if I have an enormous
capacity to love everyone: the homeless guy down the street, the
little old lady next door, someone I just had a five-hour mind-blowing conversation with, and then, of course, my friends, lovers and
structure of the relationship, there are people who can make longterm commitments to one or more partners and there are people
who sleep around because they love it, or because they're free to do
family. When I finally was able to admit to myself, without guilt,
that I have a human right and obligation to myself to love as many
so, or because they have fears of commitment. I slept around in my
late teens and early 20s because I knew with absolute certainty that
I wasn't looking for a soul mate, I wanted to experience loving both
people as I wanted or needed, then I became aware of how a monogamous relationship, outlined by the status quo, was never going to
and experimentation.
men and women, and it was an important time for sexual liberation
work for me. I would never be able to conform. Starting in my early
20s, radical love - or the freedom to love who you want, ~he way
Even the most adventurous and most open-minded will struggle with
their own embedded stereotypes. It's not a simple task to open a
you want, how you want and as many as you want - has become a
way of life for me. Responsible open relationships seek to challenge
discussion up with your partner or lovers about how patriarchy
affects you in bed, between the sheets. Most of us find it challeng-
patriarchy, the media and our coerced social constructs of a relation-
ing to grapple with our own insecurities, jealousy and possessiveness. Often we don't even have the safe space to discuss these topics
ship by imagining a non-hierarchical approach to love.
I'll be the last one to advocate one type of relationship over another,
monogamy versus nonmonogamy. What I am most interested in is
openly .... Nonmonogamy takes a lot of work, communication, and
honesty, and it is often easier to conform rather than face all your
fears and deal with the criticism and misunderstandings from oth-
planting the seeds of autonomy .... There simply cannot be just one
formula for everyone. Carve out your own lifestyle. Imagine your
ers who may not be supportive or understand. The bottom line is
you have choices. If you don't honor these choices and the inherent
ideal relationship. Radicalize your life and challenge yourself to have
responsibility that comes with them, then you never know the true
What are the pros and cons of polyamory versus monogamy?
"Eventhe most adventurousand most open-mindedwill
strugglewith their own embedded stereotypes.It's not a simple task to open a discussionup with your partneror lovers
about how patriarchyaffects you in bed, between·the sheets."
deep, meaningful relationships with anyone you feel is important
to you - including your parents, siblings, friends, lovers, pen pals
and neighbors. If you define "open" to include cuddling, kissing and
heartfelt communication, then work that into your life. If "open"
means sexual liberation, then be honest with yourself and your part-
potential of your heart.
Loving openly and freely in this day and age, whether you're straight
or queer, is a political act. We are conditioned by outmoded social
norms that limit our perceptions and shackle us to unhealthy cycles
of dissatisfxing relationships. Yet we live in a time where we can
What are your suggestions for those contemplating a polyam-
choose our own gender or redefine our own sexual identity. Isn't
it safe to assume that we also have a right to decide what kind of
orous relationship?
relationship is more suitable to our lifestyle? ■
ner or partners and take the responsible steps to achieve this.
Guidelines are different for everyone. Read everything you can get your
hands on. Find a poly-support group. Take the time to envision
For more info, visit wendyomatik.com.
January/February 2007
I39
How to Meet a Girl
Lookingfor true lovethis year? Here's how to get intothe game.
By Kate Earnshaw
I'll never forget Valentine's Day in 2003.
I went downstairs to pick up the mail
that afternoon and found a Priority Mail
envelope with my ex's return address on it.
Inside, I found a packet of poems I had sent
her a couple of weeks earlier. I intended for
the poems -
which I wrote for her during
our relationship -
to be a parting gift, but
clearly she hadn't seen them that way. She
included a note stating it was inappropriate
for me to send them to her because she was
in a new relationship.
I sat down, hard, on the bottom step,
and put my head between my knees to prevent myself from hyperventilating.
That wasn't the end, though. Valentine's
Day 2004 held more surprises. That was
when same-sex marriage was legalized,
if briefly, in San Francisco, and it seemed
like every gay couple in the state was getting married. I turned on the TV that
day looking to hear some sappy love stories and instead saw my ex on the local
news with the woman she left me for. They were talking about how much
"You should approach it like networking," she told me, advising that it's
they supported same-sex marriage and how thrilled they were to be getting
important to meet as many people as possible in order to broaden my net-
hitched themselves.
work of acquaintances. Even if I wasn't interested in Jane or Sharon, they
might know someone I'd like.
These are the hazards of lesbian dating. The woman you're in love with
might leave you for someone else, and you might accidentally witness their
marriage on television.
We plotted together about where we might meet these people we wanted
to network into our dating lives, and it soon became dear that we first had
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't date.
to determine what kind of person we wanted to meet. If you want to meet
an artsy activist, start hanging out at film screenings or art openings; if you
Gearing up for the Game
want to meet a corporate type, start going to professional networking events. I
It took me a while to get used to the idea of dating again. OK, it took years. It's
didn't exactly want to date a banker, but I didn't want to date a student, either.
not like I didn't meet other girls or have some fun at the Michigan Womyn's
When an invitation to a singles' dinner cruise sponsored by Betty's List, a
Music Festival -
San Francisco Bay area networking organization for lesbians, came across my
I did -
but actually dating someone, as opposed to hook-
ing up at random, is something it took me a long time to warm up to. Once
desk, I decided I might as well bite the bullet and try it out.
you've been burned that badly, you're not all that eager to get back into
The cruise was a $65-per-person dinner voyage around the San Francisco
the game.
But it boils down to this: Do you really want to be alone? It's not that I believe
Bay, complete with singles' dating games and dancing. When I arrived at the
you have to be married to be happy -
after all, 43 percent of Americans are
single, according to the U.S. Census, and there are a lot of great things about not
dock that night, I quickly realized that it was not my scene. I'm 31 years old,
and the average age on the cruise turned out to be at least 40. But I got on the
boat anyway and prepared myself for a night of "networking:•
having a partner. You're free to spend more time doing things you want, without
And that's where I met Dale Bullock, a tall, soft-spoken gay man who has
concern for whether your girlfriend wants to join you on that rock-climbing
been a professional matchmaker for more than 10 years. His company, Bonds
expedition or that sample-sale marathon or, even, a night of eating Haagen-
Ltd., matches up gay men and lesbians with life partners - for a one-time fee
Dazs and watching Drew Barrymore flicks. But even though I have never felt
of $15,000. That hefty price tag includes the cost of the introductory dates
the need to be fulfilled by being in a relationship, I no longer wanted to shut
that Bullock arranges (and comes along on) as well as Bullock's advice about
out the possibility of meeting someone who could complement my life simply
because I'm freaked out by the thought of being in another relationship.
navigating the emotionally choppy waters of queer dating. He encourages his
So I called my friend Nicki, who used to be a shaven-head dyke activist
for recognizing the right person when they meet them. "You must be ready;•
in college but is now a mainstream consultant in London who dates mostly
he told me, "and the only way to remain ready is to constantly be willing to
men. She happened to be embarking on her own project: finding a husband.
take that risk, to feel vulnerable, to be vulnerable, to act vulnerable. And in so
40
I curve
clients to approach dates as practice opportunities that better prepare them
Ask the
Matchmaker
doing, we develop this strength -
it's like a muscle:• The
target and the other is my back-up plan. When I move for-
more we stretch and strengthen that muscle, the easier it
ward and am getting serious about someone, then I stop
becomes to use it. After assiduously avoiding using that
dating around:'
muscle for so long, I realized that it needed to be put on
After mulling over the possibilities online, I sent notes
a serious training regimen. And since I couldn't possibly
to three different people in which I focused on things we
afford Bullock's price tag, I needed to get my dating practice
had in common and suggested going out for a drink. I didn't
another way.
have to wait long. One out of three responded within a
Looking for Love ... Online
fee; one responded positively but later flaked; and the third
There was a time when lesbians found it difficult to meet
did not respond. I was astonished at how easy it was.
couple of hours, suggesting a time and place to meet for cof-
one another. They had to pay to place personal ads in the
local gay rags, or trek out to the isolated gay bar in the near-
In Real Life
est big city to troll for Ms. Right. But the Internet changed
all that. You may doubt whether quality women are online,
Success online does not mean that you should neglect
but you can't deny that there are women online -
tons of
supermarket, a professional networking event or the lesbian
them. Since several of my friends have had success meet-
bar down the street. And don't forget your friends' parties
ing their girlfriends on the Internet, it seemed like a logical
-
place to start. I called my friend Stacey, who has made an
of
art out of meeting girls on Friendster, and met her for a
through friends.
But working a room at a party is a bit different than
beer to discuss my online strategy.
real-life opportunities to meet people, whether it be at the
according to a Curvemag.com online poll, 34 percent
CURVE
readers met their current or most recent partner
She advised me to start with the major, free, online
being on a singles' cruise or looking online, because it's no
dating sites: Friendster, MySpace and Craigslist. The good
longer clear whether the object of your attraction is actually
thing about Friendster and Myspace is that they aren't
exactly "personals" sites, so you can sort of fool yourself
single. For advice on how to deal with these gray areas, I
into thinking that you're just looking for friends. But don't
it comes to meeting girls. Over a pitcher of beer and a pack
forget what you're really there for. Make sure that your
of cigarettes, Sarah advised me that I should always be
profile is both realistic (include photos that really look like
friendly to everyone, even if I'm not attracted to them; they
d
d
yourself) and sexy - it is, in essence, a lengthier personal
ad. Have a friend or two read what you've written before
in (hmm, sounds familiar). If I saw someone I was inter-
:t
you start contacting potentials. And when you are ready to
ested in at a bar,"Don't go up and offer to buy them a drink,
u
make contact, ''Always e-mail at least three people at once;'
but go up to the bar and stand near them and order your
Stacey told me. "Never e-mail only one. You want to maxi-
own drink. Strike up a conversation about anything -
mize your probability of getting a response:'
doesn't matter what it's about; if they find you attractive,
's
y
r.
turned to my friend Sarah, who has a golden touch when
might be friends with someone else I would be interested
it
they'll respond:'
a
It seemed a little bit overwhelming, at first, to e-mail
y
three people in each sitting, but as I clicked through pages
"It's also very important;' she said with a grin, "to make
and pages of Friendster and MySpace sites, it began to
eye contact and smile. It's really about being attuned to
0
make sense. By sending out three at once, the probability
how the other person reacts; pay attention and adjust your
e
of rejection was significantly lowered. It made less of a dif-
behavior accordingly:' She advised that it was best to not be
i,
ference whether Person A responded, because I also had
too aggressive at first; instead, flirt with them and then go
e
Person B and C on the pipeline.
away for a while to talk with your friends or get a drink. Let
I began to realize that all my friends who told me that
them consider whether they're interested in you, and the
next time you see them that night, test them out again. You
ls
I should always date three people at once really were onto
something. "If you're only dating one person, you're in a
e
relationship;' said my friend Jenna, when we were dis-
interest piqued and even offer you their number. 'Tve never
:s
cussing my dating strategies. "If you're dating two people,
had to ask for a number;' Sarah told me.
Lt
you're putting them in competition with each other. You
IS
have to date three at once:'
.S
n
My friend Vincent, a gay man, echoed this advice, adding that dating more than one person at a time lowers his
0
anxieties. "It is fun and comforting to me to have a couple
0
of men to focus on;' he told me. "One is usually my primary
might lose interest yourself, or they may have found their
You might think that Sarah's the local lothario, but
that's not necessarily true -
although she does have irre-
sistible blue eyes. "The key is to be self-confident;' she told
me. "People are drawn to that:'
Be forewarned: Sarah's advice is not for those who
How to Meet a Girl continued on page 72
After more than 11 years
as a professional matchmaker for queer couples,
Dale Bullock has learned
much about how to date.
Here's his advice on your
quest for love. - Kate
Earnshaw
How can you make a
good first impression?
Be completely authentic. That can be a very
difficult thing for people
on a first date. View this
space that we create [on
the date] for a distinct
period of time and divide
it into a pie ... and think:
How do I fill half of this
pie and allow her to fill
the other half so that we
can have a meaningful
experience?
How do you maintain a
sense of hope and possibility while dating?
Have reasonable
expectations. You must
be absolutely clear on
your intentions, but in the
moment, separate yourself from the outcome.
[If] you incorporate your
mission to partner among
this array of priorities that
you have in your life ...
then the highest value
in the moment is in the
journey itself, and not the
destination.
eeting new people
can be very scary. How
do you deal with that
fear?
We must learn to walk
through that fear that
holds us back from doing
something healthy for us.
The more times we walk
through it, the easier it
becomes for us, the stronger we get and the more
capable we become of
transmuting this pain that
we must go through into
the pleasure that is on the
other side. That pleasure
is primarily from knowing
that we are capable of loving ourselves. ■
January/February 2007
I41
Strange Bedfellows
Polygamy and same-sex marriage get uncomfortably close. By Kim Burgess
On the first episode of HBO cult hit Big Love, a bratty fast food fry girl discovers that her co-worker Sarah's family is a little unusual."Oh my god, Sarah
has three mommies!" she cries in horror.
The line makes a cute reference to classic children's book Heather Has Two
Mommies, which taught that "each family is special" and preached acceptance
for lesbian couples with children.
The connection isn't accidental. Out and proud gay couple Mark V.
Olsen and Will Scheffer conceived of the polygamy drama when they saw
similarities to gay rights everywhere they looked.
"Will and I have watched the country become divisive with an increasingly strident debate about the culture wars and what is and is not a family
and what should be an accepted family;' Olsen told the Washington Blade.
"If there's a group more ostracized than polygamists, then I don't know who
it is:•
A world away from Hollywood, in a tidy Salt Lake City home, Mary
Batchelor expresses a similar view. "Polygamists are really in the same situation as gay people are in fighting for our right to marriage;' she says with a
smile. Batchelor's husband John*, pausing to look up from the vegetables he's
stacking on the kitchen counter, nods his approval.
Though the two are monogamous and now legally married, Batchelor
once shared John with another woman, a relationship that began in 1989
when Batchelor served as a "spiritual wife;' meaning she had no legal ties to
the man she called her spouse. Had the two separated, Bachelor's lack of
on-the-books
connections would have cut her out of alimony and reduced
her child support.
That potential legal limbo is one of the reasons Dani Eyer supports legalizing polygamy. As executive director of the Utah American Civil Liberties
Prunty is intimately familiar with Mary Batchelor's arguments to the
Union, Eyer is often asked to provide her view on the subject. "Every time
contrary. The two are former "sister wives;• a term referring to women who
I give a presentation in Utah on same-sex marriage, someone asks whether
are in polygamist relationships with the same man. Prunty met John at
the same considerations apply to polygamous marriages;• she says. "I answer
Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, and married him soon after. While
yes, with the additional aspect of freedom of religion protected by the First
studying Mormon scriptures, the couple decided that their religion had
Amendment, when the facts apply:'
changed from its "pure" form in the 1800s when polygamy was widely prac-
Right-wing former senator Rick Santorum and conservative talk show
ticed. They made the decision to break away from mainstream Mormonism,
host Bill O'Reilly also link the two, employing rhetoric about the "slippery
which now excommunicates polygamists, and join the estimated 30,000 to
slope" where legalizing same-sex marriage leads to polygamy, debauchery
50,000 people who belong to various polygamous Mormon sects.
and the infamous "destruction of the family:'
The court system is also currently evaluating the polygamy-gay marriage
comparison. Mormon fundamentalist
G. Lee Cook, his wife, D. Cook, and
Soon after, they met Batchelor and began a polygamist family. The relationship fell apart after three years when Prunty left, heartbroken over what
she saw as John's emotional abuse and his preferential treatment of Batchelor.
intended second wife, J. Bronson, filed a lawsuit seeking to overturn Utah's
According to Prunty, John's favorite statement to her was, "Do not voice your
ban on polygamy. The centerpiece of their argument involves Lawrence v.
opinion if it is contrary to mine:• If Prunty displeased him, she says that he
Texas, the landmark 2003 Supreme Court decision that struck down laws
would refuse to have sex with her until she repented, spending the night with
banning sex between same-sex couples. A federal judge dismissed the Cooks'
Batchelor instead. Prunty says that because of her "rebelliousness," John often
accused her of being possessed by demons.
case last year, but it is now before the 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.
Brian Barnard, the lawyer for the three, told the Salt Lake Tribune that
Lawrence v. Texas "provides individuals with protection from state intrusion
as to intimate relationships:'
These comparisons appear simple: Advocating for either involves broadening the definition of marriage. But others say it's not so clear.
Vicky Prunty, co-founder of Tapestry Against Polygamy, says the two
don't belong in the same category. "They are not similar at all. Polygamy
is about controlling
women. This isn't about love, it's about control.
Homosexuality would only be comparable to polygamy if gay couples forced
their children to become gay and marry as teenagers:'
42
I curve
Fed up, Prunty
and her five children moved into a Catholic-run
women's shelter. She cleaned houses to make ends meet and eventually saved
up enough to rent an apartment.
After speaking out about the abuse, Prunty met one of her staunchest supporters, Andrea Moore-Emmett, former president of the Utah chapter of the
National Organization for Women and author of anti-polygamy book God's
Brothel. Like Prunty, Moore-Emmett
link is ludicrous.
believes the polygamy-homosexuality
"Same-sex couples are about sexual orientation. They are just asking for
the same benefits with their partner as any other couple:• Moore-Emmett
says."Polygamy is about a choice where one man is the ruler
of a harem of women and a herd of children who don't have
individual identities:'
Indeed, allegations of abuse have dogged polygamist
that's the way for them to get to heaven:'
Erickson herself was once "married" to a man who was
already her older sister's husband. Thirty-seven years later,
in 1994, she divorced him after studying hypnotherapy and
communities for years. In 1998, 16-year-old Mary Ann
deciding that her religious upbringing was a form of brain-
Kingston called 911 to report that her father had beaten
washing. "They make you repeat these slogans three times
her unconscious with a belt. The reason: she had fled a
a day. They're basically pledges of obedience;' she says of
polygamist marriage to her uncle David. Eventually, David
the phrases known as "Memory Gems;' which are part of
served four years in prison for third-degree felony incest and
Kingston religious teachings. Examples of"Memory Gems"
unlawful sexual contact with a minor. Mary Ann's father,
include, "With my firm resolve and fixed purpose, I give my
John Daniel, was sentenced to seven months in prison
all to the Lord -
for the beating. Mary Ann has since filed a $110 million
civil suit against 242 members of the Kingston clan and
- to the establishment of the Kingdom of God on Earth:'
In the end, Erickson says, polygamist communities are
97 companies that they operate, darning that they share
no different than cults. Both rob individuals of choice, the
responsibility for the abuses she endured at the hands of
very thing the gay rights movement cherishes most.
her family.
my time, my talents, all that I hope to be
Batchelor sees things differently. "They are always
John Daniel Kingston has had other legal problems this
showing the bad stuff. They don't show the healthy, nor-
year. Two of his daughters reported that he abused them after
mal families;' she says of the media. Concerning the persis-
they got their ears pierced against his wishes. After an investi-
tence of marriages to underage girls, Batchelor cites Utah
gation by Child Protective Services, eight of 11 children were
law, which until recently allowed girls to marry at 14 with
removed from Kingston and their mother, Heidi Mattingly
parental permission. "Polygamists feel that they are being
Foster. Mattingly Foster attended parenting classes and even-
singled out when they were doing something that was legal
tually regained custody of all children except two daughters
for other people;' she says.
who remain in foster care. John Daniel is under court order
to have no contact with the children or Mattingly Foster. In
In 2003, Tapestry Against Polygamy sponsored a law
that raised Utah's marriage age to 16 and increased pen-
e
total, he is believed to have over 100 children with 14 wives.
alties for men who take young girls as their plural wives.
0
Ocher polygamist groups have faced similar charges.
Child bigamy, or marrying a second wife who is under 18,
Lt
Imprisoned polygamist Tom Green was convicted of felo-
e
ny child rape and bigamy after his "spiritual marriage" to
When asked about the frequency of abuse in polyga-
d
a 13-year-old girl; most recently, Warren Jeffs, the head of
mist communities, Batchelor would not make a direct state-
can now bring a sentence of one to 15 years in prison.
Southern Utah's Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of
ment, saying that there is as much diversity in behaviors as
l,
Latter-day Saints held a spot on the FBI's Most Wanted
there is among monogamists. However, she does believe
0
list before he was captured and charged with two counts of
that polygamy won't work for women with low self-esteem.
"They have a sense of scarcity, that there's not enough love
L-
rape as an accomplice for marrying teen girls against their
will to older men.
Lt
Roweena Erickson, who was born into the Kingston
whether sharing is healthy. We're always telling our chil-
r.
clan and co-founded Tapestry Against Polygamy, says that
to go around;' she says. "This comes down to a question of
dren to share. Now it's like, don't share:'
these horrors have gone on for years. She describes a soci-
In the morass of conflicting viewpoints, there is a more
ety where women are denied education and married off in
h
their teens to older men, who impregnate them as soon as
objective piece of evidence: the writings of polygamists
themselves. The Peacemaker, a 19th-century book written
n
possible. Most work menial jobs to help support their fami-
by Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon Church, includes
lies while living under nearly complete control of their hus-
the passage: "The government of the wife is therefore placed
n
bands, who have the final say concerning everything from
in the husband by the law of God; for he is the head. I suffer
d
sex to child rearing, she says.
not a woman saith the Lord to teach, or to usurp author-
e
When women do not obey, punishment can be swift and
ity over a man, but to be in subjection .... Here, the wife
severe."I once saw them do something called the 'Dark Room
is pronounced the husband's property, as much so as his
treatment' on a woman;' Erickson says."They locked her in a
manservant, his maidservant, his ox, or his horse:'
I'
s
closet for three days with no food or water:' At a more basic
A similar demand for obedience was delivered by
y
level than the blatant abuse, Erickson believes that polygamy
Mormon leader Brigham Young, who wrote, "You sisters
itself is an act of emotional cruelty. "It's as though your hus-
,r
band is having an affair, and you're supposed to be happy
may say that plural marriage is very hard for you to bear.
It is no such thing. [I]f it is the duty of a husband to take
tt
about ic;' she says. "These girls do it because they're taught
Strange Bedfellows continued on page 72
A Lesbian
Undercover
Lesbian mystery writer
Jennifer Fulton, aka Rose
Beecham, is an unlikely
fan of HBO's Big Love.
"People think I must hate
the show, but I think it's
very well written," she
says. "I just hope everyone
watching knows that fiction is fiction."
Fulton speaks from
personal experience. While
researching the novel
Grave Silence, she went
undercover, posing as a
fundamentalist Mormon
widow searching for a new
husband-and the wives
that would naturally come
with him.
The ruse got her
inside one of America's
most notorious polygamist groups, the
Fundamentalist Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints, headquartered in
the neighboring towns
of Hildale, Utah, and
Colorado City, Ariz. They
are places out of time,
where women dress in
pioneer dresses and bake
bread for herds of children-often over 10 per
woman.
CuRvEhad the opportunity to sit down with Fulton
and discuss more of what
she witnessed in this
"Taliban-like culture."
Read the full interview
at Curvemag.com to find
out about polygamists,
their attitudes toward gay
people and the women
behind the labels. - Kim
Burgess
January/February
2007 \ 43
Why Fat ChicksRock
The not-so-secretsubcultureof fat dykes and the women who lovethem.
By StephanieSchroeder I Photographyby Molly Bennett
You probably know of gay male "Bears" and may have heard of Girth &
Mirth, a gay size-acceptance group where big men and their admirers meet
and greet. Well, move over Papi, here comes Big Mama: Queer women have a
subculture of fat chicks and admirers all their own.
Today, although radical queers are often more accepting of fat people, a
lot of fat-phobia, including internalized fat-hatred, still resides in the lesbian
community. But an ever-widening subculture of dykes, bisexual women and
genderqueers who find fat chicks sexy is now coming out of the closet.
A preference for heavyset gals, full-figured women, thick sisters, big-boned
babes, zaftig honeys, pleasingly plump princesses and lasses with big asses is
becoming a genuinely acceptable form of lesbian attraction. This new subculture, with its own aesthetics, has emerged in contrast to the more mainstream
L Word-type body.
A lot of hot fat chicks dig other fat women, and just as many thin-toaverage-sized dykes like their women to have more than a little meat on their
bones. In fact, many personal ads identify the author - and/ or the woman
sought after - as thick or fat or a proud BBW, Big Beautiful Woman.
"Fat is not a bad word. Neither is feminist. I'm fat and I'm feminist and
people are just going to have to deal with it!" declares Molly Bennett, a selfdescribed queer femme dyke and sexy fat chick who's attracted to fat women.
"Fat chicks rock!" she exclaims. "My girlfriend and I are happy fat girls, staying
healthy together. We walk, bike, eat healthy and love shopping," says Bennett,
confident at 5-foot-6-inches and 220 pounds.
44
Icurve
Bennett, 27, is a photographer in Seattle. Body-image missives fill her
Web site, mollybennett.com. 'Tm an artist with a political mission in my creative works;• she says. "I've always been attracted to larger women, starting
with my first girlfriend back in high school. I'm attracted to women who are
happy and comfortable with their bodies, and interestingly I've found that
tends to be larger women. It seems pretty counterintuitive given all the cultural messages around acceptable body size for women, but that's what my
experience has been:'
Ellen McCauley, 5-foot-5-inches and 130 pounds, believes it is important to go beyond the stereotypes society feeds us about what is attractive.
"Sometimes there can be a mental bias that keeps us from noticing chemistry is present;' the 42-year-old says. "For me there is both a sexual attraction
and a sense of affinity and common ground that I have being with anyone
who doesn't fit society's prescriptions. There is a level where I feel that large
women are in a sense outlaws, as they don't [whether by choice or not] play by
the rules. I also believe that there is a range of body sizes that is normal and
healthy. What is most important is that we live a healthy lifestyle:'
McCauley, a massage therapist and natural products business owner in
Santa Cruz, Calif., says it's the "outlaw thing" that most attracts her to fat
chicks. "There is a boldness in a woman who is willing to take up space and
be big. It is especially attractive if she is proud, unabashed and unapologetic
about it. If this is difficult for her, it can be very exciting to watch a big woman
start to claim that space:'
How can we explore examples of how fat chicks are
deemed worthless and unattractive:' Is our depth and breadth
of fat-hatred really a national, collectiveself-hatred:' With antifat bullies railing from their woman-hating pulpits against
yet another form of unacceptable femininity, misogyny and
fat-hating in America continues to beg the question of what,
exactly,is wrong with fleshy female abundance:'
Let's imagine Rubenesque figures are all the rage and
Vogue(or CURVE) regularly features fat women on its cover.
Would skinny gals eat more to conform to the national infatuation and love affair with fat female flesh:' If all contestants on
AmericanIdol, boys and girls, were fat, each up-and-coming
singer, model, actor and entertainer would be "required" by
public consensus to be fat. Thin performers might not fare
very well in the talent pool of successful fatties.
What if the top five most beautiful women in America
today, as ranked by the tabloid-reading public, were Camryn
Manheim, Rosie O'Donnell, Queen Latifah, Wynonna
Judd and Aretha Franklin:' American women would try to
imitate these celebrities' full fat figures. Big hips and round
bellies would be "in:' Under peer pressure to conform to a
society driven by celebrity, cultural norms would demand
that fat chicks be worshiped. A dream world for some,
maybe, but members of various size acceptance and fat
politics groups are working toward a day when size is not
an issue and fat even becomes embraced.
NOLOSE is a vibrant community of queer fat women,
transgender folks and their allies who seek to end the oppression of fat people. The group's bent is unabashedly in
your face, and they are active within both the queer and
fat communities. Founded by life partners Shira Stone and
Gail Horowitz in the early '90s as the discussion group Fat
Is a Lesbian Issue held at New York City's Lesbian and Gay
Center, NOLOSE grew out of that original support group
and in thinness, for everyone:"
Most fat activists view the widespread concern for the
health of fat people as thinly veiled prejudice. It's hard to
get a doctor to listen when every pain or problem is blamed
on weight without further investigation, and the so-called
concern for health that the media show for fat women is
often knee-jerk fat-phobia. Of course health is a concern
for fat chicks, just as it is for everyone else, but devouring
food is not their full-time job.
A self-identifying poly femme switch, Holly Hessinger,
42, is an acupuncturist in New York City who recently
started sleeping with other fat chicks. She admits she has
internalized fat phobia; while she can appreciate the softness and warmth of another fat woman, she still looks at
how fat female flesh appears and wonders if it's really
attractive. At 285 pounds and almost 5-foot-7, Hessinger,
another NO LOSE Board member, posits that "shame culture' roots all oppression in the body. "I can't overstate how
poisonous our shame culture is. It makes not only fat chicks
put off living their lives because of shame, but encourages
anorexia, shames people of color and anyone with a physical
difference into feeling bad about themselves:'
Mich, a 34-year-old genderqueer butch who is 5-foot8-inches and 250 pounds, married a fat femme. The two are
polyamorous and both date. "While I am attracted mostly
to fat people, it's not an exclusive preference;' he says. "I just
don't go up to someone on the street and say, 'Hey, you're
fat. Let's fuck: I tend to surround myself with fat-positive
people I meet in the context of the fat, queer and leather
communities:' An educator in New York City, Mich says,
"When I came out as queer and as a butch, I was no longer
perceived as the poor fat girl. I present as masculine so I'm
the 'fat guy' or stocky. It's more acceptable for butches or
as a nonprofit activist community.
NO LOSE Board member Zoe Meleo-Erwin, 35, is a feisty,
masculine-presenting folks to be big and take up space:'
College English teacher and graduate student Kate
O'Brien is in a polyamorous marriage."Discrimination around
self-described Italian/Sicilian-American queer fat femme. She
is understandably hurt by the everydayinsults hurled at her and
size is very tied in with my own fatness, so it's hard to separate
the two. Sometimes other fat women only want skinny lov-
other fat chicks:"Well-meaning folks say hurtful things like'you
have such a pretty face; which is of course also a backhanded
ers, whether by preference, internalized fat hatred or a status
thing," says O'Brien, 31, who lives in Seattle."! get really tired
insult letting you know that it's a damn shame that such a pretty
face is attached to a rather unattractive fat body. Regardless of
of hearing all the crap about how fat women aren't attractive,
not only as a fat woman but as a lover of fat women:'
why were fat [and there are many pathways to fatness], we
deserve respect and dignity like everyone else. And I'd like to
A punk/ goth/ rockabilly /bi femme, O'Brien, 5-foot10-inches and 335 pounds, says, "As a fat woman, I'm really attracted to women like mysel£ I have been with both
put all fat-phobes on notice that, like it or not, like us or not,
were not taking your shit anymore:'
A graduate
student
and community organizer in
Philadelphia, Meleo-Erwin, who wears a size 20, says,
"More and more recent evidence suggests chat fatness and
health are correlated but fatness does not necessarily determine health. But even if'obesity' is absolutely related to ill
health, so what:' One of the ways that fat-phobia is legitimized is through ableism, and that's truly fucked up. Some
skinny and fat women, and I am infinitely more attracted
to fat women. I also value our shared understanding and
experience of the discrimination fat women suffer:'
"I really like the softness and heft of a fat woman's body;'
O'Brien continues. "I love the way fat is soft and supple,
yielding yet substantial and how it can engulf you in voluptuousness. I love the way our fat bodies enfold each other
folks are sick, and all of us are really only 'temporarily abled'
anyway. Why should being sick or 'unhealthy' be a reason
when we embrace. I really like the way we can roll into one
another in bed and be supported by each other's substance.
Fat bodies feel 'right' to me. I love looking at curves. I love big
to discriminate against someone:' One of the things we say
on the NO LOSE Web site is that 'we stand proudly with
disability activists in pursuit of self-determination, human
round asses and breasts. I love the curves from waist to hip
- the more pronounced the better. I love round bellies:•
McCauley agrees. "Something about a big woman
rights, love and support, in sickness and in health, in fatness
Fat Chick contu
J n p.tgt , ..
Dos and Don'ts continued
frompage37 ______
_
the door.
After the first date, if
the chemistry is there:
Do call once. Many
women say that they
won't call for two or three
days, but if the date went
well, everyone agrees
that it's nice to get a
next-day phone call.
Don't call 20 times.
Nothing screams psychotic like incessant
calling. Her voicemail
isn't broken, she hasn't
been kidnapped, and she
doesn't need a call every
time you think of her. If
you call the next day and
leave a message, wait.
If it's meant to be, she
will call you. And if she
doesn't, do you really
think you'll win her over
by leaving 15 messages?
By the third date:
Do change the venue.
Change is good, so get
out of the dinner-anda-movie routine. Start
tailoring the dates for her.
If she says how much
she loves nature, take her
to the botanical gardens.
If she's a sports fan, get
tickets to a game. It will
show that you've been
paying attention.
Do have sex, but
don't sleep over. By
the third date it's safe to
have sex without moving
things along too quickly,
but it may be too soon to
~Ieep over. Do you really
want her to experience
your bed head and morning breath after only three
dates? Make sure to
maintain open communication with the girl you're
dating; you want to be on
the same track.
Don't whip out the
sex toys. Well, not yet
anyway. The consensus
seems to be that bringing toys into your bed
requires some discussion.
Leave the dildos and
vibrators under the bed
until your girl gives the
go-ahead. - Dana Kaye
January/February 2007
I45
My LovelyBearded Lady
It would take more than facial hair to make this woman a man. By Alison Peters
It would be hypocritical of me to tell you that confusing my girlfriend for a man
is a mistake I never made. A mutual friend introduced me to Teri on several different occasions: I'd say hello, take in the medium build, the pretty, light brownskinned freckled face and neat cornrows, then turn away and ignore Teri com-
she gets instant five o'clock shadow. She tried other removal methods, none
worked, and medications initially available to her would hinder the hair growth
pletely, wondering to rnysel£ slightly irritated, Why doesshe keep trying to set me
thicker than most women I know, but it's not abnormally heavy.She doesn't have
excessivechest or back hair, but says her beard has filled in more over the years.
up with thisguy?Or, This is a partyfor women.
Finally my friend set me straight. "Teri is a woman, Alison;' she insisted, exasperated. "She has breasts!"
I still didn't believe her. The next time we met, I looked closely and realized it
wasn't hard at all to recognize Teri's feminine features, that she does, in fact, have
hips and breasts - and a full, thick, salt and pepper mustache and beard.
Teri has excessive facial hair due to a genetic condition called hirsutism,
defined as "heavy, especially abnormal, growth of hair;' especially an adult-male
pattern of hair distribution in women. The effects begin to show around puberty;
when Teri got her first period and breasts, hair began growing on her face and
testosterone built up in her body. The change was so significant that most people,
even some who have known her for years, assume Teri is a black man. All I knew,
but not stop it altogether. So instead of removing her hair, Teri lives with it.
Currently, Teri sports a neatly trimmed beard. The hair on her arms and legs is
She tells me the story of being physically escorted from the Oakland Coliseum
afi:erattempting to use the women's bathroorn."First another woman in the bathroom told me I was in the wrong place, so I told her, 'Lady, do you think I'm
stupid? Don't you think I know how to go to the right bathroom:"" Teri gives a
short laugh. "But she got mad and wouldn't believe I was a woman, so she went
and got security, and I tried to tell them too but they wouldn't listen, and at that
point I was like, forget it. I didn't want to stay there anyway:'
"My life might be easier if I was a man, but I don't want to be one. Do you
understand that:"' Teri's soft brown eyes search my face to make sure I really get
what she's saying afi:erI ask her, bluntly for the thousandth time, if she's sure she's
happy the way she is. "If I were a guy, I'd just be a guy with a beard. Now it's like
initially, was that Teri does not take hormones, does not consider herself trans-
I'm the Bearded Woman, like a sideshow or a freak. I love being a woman. It
sexual and is not going through an FTM sex reassignment procedure.
"My period started when I was ll;'Teri says,"but I didn't get my [facial] hair
would be easier, but I don't want to be a man:'
till I was 13. It started with just a few hairs on my chin and then gradually got
worse:' Her mother was upset by the transformation but not surprised. "She has
some hair;'Teri explains."Her great aunt had a little hair:'Teri and her mom vis-
Although Teri prefers not to make a big deal of correcting strangers who
assume she's a man and recognizes that passing as a man can be an advantage
in particularly hostile locations, I expected things to be different within in the
ited a barrage of doctors, all of whom were fascinated but couldn't offer any cure.
"They all wanted me to take part in their studies, be a lab rat. They tried to put me
lesbian community. Conveniently forgetting my initial reaction to meeting Teri,
I was surprised to find out women in the community don't treat Teri any differently than my nonlesbian friends. 'That's why I stopped going our;' she explains.
on birth control to regulate my hormones;' she remembers.
A condition, not a disease, hirsutisrn may indicate an underlying disorder
"Women just either ignore me, like you did;' Teri looks at me pointedly, "or they
tell me, 'Sorry man, this event is for women:"
It took me a whileto desensitizemyselfto other people'sreactions,
but now I'm comfortablewith Teri's hair. I've grown used to her
beard ticklingme when we kiss, and know preciselywhen it's
grown out too much and will be scratchy.
of androgens, a male sex hormone that develops and maintains certain male
characteristics. In most cases hirsutisrn results from a combination of increased
androgen production and increased skin sensitivity to androgens. Twenty-five
percent of"normal" nonhirsute women have hair on their face (usually the upper
lip), around the areola and over the lower abdomen. Women who are hirsute may
have greatly varying patterns of hair growth, not every woman will grow a full
beard. Mechanical hair removal (plucking, shaving, waxing, depilatory creams)
can help control hirsutisrn, but usually will not remove unwanted hair alrogether.
So afi:erchat first doctor's visit in 1983 to find out what was going on with her
excess hair, Teri's morn decided to deal with the situation the old-fashioned way.
"My mom wasn't surprised, [by the facial hair] but she didn't want it. She said,
'You got to pluck it, do something with it: My dad was like, 'Man, you're not a
boy, shave that off!' So we tried the electrolysis thing and it hurt. And;' Teri adds,
"Some people just don't get it, and they never will:'
It took me a while to desensitize myself to other people's reactions, but now
I'm comfortable with Teri's hair. I've grown used to her beard tickling me when
we kiss, and know precisely when it's grown out too much and will be scratchy. I
laugh at each new gray strand that moves in.
I love the way my girlfriend looks. I forget that there is anything unusual about
her appearance until I introduce Teri to someone new. But I've also stopped trying
to explain her beard, don't correct people when I refer to Teri as'rny girlfriend' and
they insist on designating her as 'he: I don't blame anyone for wondering why Teri
doesn't just shave; it's something I pondered before I realized that Teri's hair is as
much a part of her as my unruly afro is a part of me.
annoyed, "it grew back thicker and blacker:'
I want other people - particularly other lesbians - to understand hirsutisrn; that it doesn't always mean that a bearded woman wants to be a man
nor that she identifies more with men than with women; that it's an often
"It's not something I'm trying to do, it's what is. And you have to work with
what you're given:'Teri's philosophy is deceptively simple. If she shaves her beard,
difficult condition to live with and that every woman decides for herself the
course she will take to seek treatment or live with excessive facial hair. ■
46 I curve
The Skye Is the Limit
America's bad girl, adult performer Skye Blue, is on our side. Sexually, at least.
By Charlotte Rice
:h
Skye Blue just might be the ultimate bad girl. A high-profile former
is
,e
adult actor, Blue, an out lesbian, has been featured in almost every major
men's magazine in the world. That's right: the world. She was featured in
BoogieNights, was once run out of Canada for performing lewd acts using
m
dildos and chainsaws, and won myriad awards (including Best Specialty
1-
Series for StockingStrippersSpanked), along with numerous nominations
m
for AVN awards, often referred to as the "Oscars of Adult Films:' Blue
a
also received the Overall Perfect Woman Award at the 2004 Los Angeles
1t
at
Erotic Convention.
In other words, Blue is a legend in the adult entertainment industry.
Don't be fooled by her utopian beauty -
>U
she is a savvy, no-nonsense
businesswoman whose glamour is surpassed only by her brains. With
et
more than 300 film appearances under her belt in the last 14 years, many
e's
with other huge names of adult film, she's now one of the handful of top
ce
female directors in the industry, working for such prestigious companies
It
as Playgirl TV, Bizarre Video and Wicked Pictures. And she'll be featured
in the upcoming Katherine Linton program Lesbian Sex and Sexuality,a
10
six-part series running on here! network early this year.
5e
"When I chose this profession, I felt that for the first time in my life,
1e
I was making a bold choice to live without pandering to others' expecca-
ri,
tions. I 'grew up' in this business ...
:r-
meaning, I grew into myself into my
ts.
own skin, so to speak. And the funny
ey
thing is, I never really faced any challenges being a lesbian while trying
to pursue a career in adult entertainment, so much as I did [when J
making the crossover from female
performer
to
director-producer.
Part of my motivations in becoming
a director is to honor the way that
women portray sex and erotica versus that which has been portrayed by
the men in the industry:•
romance and embodied with foreplay.
In addition to being the founder
of Platinum Blue Productions, which
produces and distributes adult films,
Blue also presides over Trashmouth
d
Productions,
a
female-oriented
mainstream entertainment
ut
company. She recently produced The Naughty
1n
ne
T
-.vanted to offer something that
women would actually want to watch. I mean, instead of exploring just
the erogenous zone, why not incorporate the emotional zone as well?"
As such, the famous blonde has become a maverick recognized for her
trendsetting montages, explicit yet lush fetish videos, costume dramas and
a dynamic use of technology, including over-the-top scenes featuring creative use of power tools, fire performances, piercing for play and swinging in
Show - Bad Girls of Comedy DVD, which features some of the nation's best
mid-air wearing rock-climbing gear. And as executive producer for Playgirl TV,
female stand-up comics performing their edgiest material. "When women
she was directly responsible for overseeing and creating content for a new plat-
talk about sex, men stop and listen;' Blue says with a laugh.
form of adult programming celebrating women's sexuality and enlisted a group
Being a woman and a lesbian in a male-driven industry isn't always easy.
as
to create something more. Women embrace softer values with ideals of
of Ivy League writers to pen a more intelligent variety of women's erotica.
"Running a respectable business in a disrespected arena has not been the
"This business has been really good to me;• Blue says, "but in this world
easiest field to play on. I believe chat the way I move in this business and the
of adult erotica, I have to play hardball, which sometimes leaves me labeled
integrity that I maintain while doing so has been my best ally. No one who
as a bitch. If someone tells me I can't do something, it only motivates me to
lasted in chis business ever patronized me or gave an over-the-top attitude
prove otherwise. I became a director when I was told I should stick to being a
towards me. What was hard was being taken seriously as a creative filmmaker
performer. I started my own production company when I was told I couldn't.
[was J I actually had ideas about erotica chat involved more than up-close
I became my own worldwide distributor, too, and it wasn't easy, but a big part
shots of the genitalia -
oflife is finding out what you're made of' ■
that is a little over-employed in adult films. I wanted
January/February
2007 \ 4 7
GirlsAre Smitten
Winters are long, but toys are plentifulin Minneapolis. By Holly Dolezalek
At Smitten Kitten, a feminist-owned sex toy
shop in Minneapolis, the owners' philosophy
is twofold: They want to put the Midwest on
the map when it comes to sex, and they want
to "put our pussy where our politics are:'
Opened in 2003 in south Minneapolis, the
"Our inventoryis uniquebecause we're the
only store in the world whose products
are all made without dangerousindustrial
chemicals,"says co-owner JenniferPritchett.
Kitten is one of the few progressive or feminist
sex toy stores in the Midwest (others include
A Woman's Touch in Milwaukee and Early to Bed in Chicago). It's the brainchild of three graduates of the women's studies program at nearby Minnesota
State University who wanted vocations, not just jobs, and the result was a sex
toy store that they say is unlike any other in the world.
"Our inventory is unique because we're the only store in the world whose
products are all made without dangerous industrial chemicals;' says co-owner
Jennifer Pritchett.
Many sex toys are made with phthalates, chemicals that make rubber
and plastic more flexible. These chemicals may be toxic, and some have been
banned in the European Union (although not in the United States). The
Smitten Kitten doesn't carry any products that are made with phthalates.
And the owners don't just trust manufacturers who say their products
are nontoxic. They send products to a laboratory in California for testing
to make sure. That's because there is no consumer regulation of sex toys in
the United States. "This industry is pretty fishy, and you can't trust anyone;'
Pritchett says.
Co-owners Pritchett and Jessica Giordani also advocate toys that are
nonporous. Many toys, particularly jelly toys made of soft types of rubber,
aren't necessarily toxic, but they are porous and have microscopic holes where
bacteria, fungi and viruses can set up shop despite washing. "That's not a sex
48 I curve
toy, that's a Petri dish;' Pritchett says. For consumers who want to be smart
sex toy shoppers, the owners maintain a companion Web site about sex toy
safety at badvibes.org.
The Kitten's meow can be heard at three venues: the store, the Web site
smittenkittenonline.com, and at-home sex toy parties called Pussy Parties
Unlimited. They're like Tupperware parties, only hotter, and the independent
contractors who hold them earn a commission on whatever sells at the parties.
"The at-home sex toy party scene is flooded with opportunities for heterosexual people who are married or coupled;' Pritchett says. "There's nothing for people who are single or who want something else. We welcome all
genders and orientations at our parties:'
Pussy Parties take place in the store after hours. "Participants in these
parties get two hours in the store with two sex educators who give them all
the one-on-one education they need;' says Giordani.
Both remaining co-owners (co-founder Jessie Jacobson left the company in 2006) say that they're all about Midwestern pussy pride, and a
redesigned Web site with images of the erotic in the Midwestern landscape is part of that. "We believe that sex and gender expression are creative
expression, and both the store and the new Web site are intended to reflect
that;' Pritchett says. ■
With a sery affairand a new, nice-girl attitude,
The L Word's RachelShelleytook us all by surprise.
By DianeAnderson-Minshall
First she was the reserved rich Brit, the pent-up babe we loved to hate all the more
when she stole Tina from Bette. But when season three of Showtime's The L Word
rolled around, Helena Peabody was a whole new person: sexy, sultry, nice. When
Dylan -
the gayest straight girl ever to hit the small screen - joined the cast and
gave Helena a little boot knocking, well, this chippy fell hard. And even though
Dylan turned out to be a bit of a cad, lovely actor Rachel Shelley, the woman who
gave life to Helena, is still basking in that post-coital glow.
With dozens of TV appearances from Highlander to Miss Match and an
award-worthy turn in the Oscar-nominated Bollywood film Lagaan: Once Upon
rr.
a Time in India under her belt, Shelley is no stranger to Hollywood. But The L
rant
thq,
still lo
!
Word seems to have solidified her role as a leader of lesbian fiefdom, a fact further
cemented by her upcoming turn, opposite Heather Graham, in February's muchtalked-about lesbian film Gray Matters.
stil
Frie1
We caught up with the 37-year-old English actor as she rushed from a
£ ily Il'
Vancouver production set to her home in London's Notting Hill, to talk about
rotmd c
int, ·mac
The L Word's fourth season, her newfound popularity and making love to
the1-e \\
Alexandra Hedison.
true frie
I
January/February 2007
I51
You played such a pivotal role on The L Word
this year and it seems like you're the character who is really gaining popularity.
[It's hard] to come in and be the character·that everyone hates. That was quite hard at the beginning,
but interesting and different for me ... because I
was always pitched as the good girl before. I don't
know that I was strictly gaining in popularity
[last season], but if that's true, that's lovely.
Fans often call you the most beautiful
woman on TV. How does it feel when you
hear something like that?
Oh, that's ridiculous, that's funny. [Laughs]That's
funny. That's because they see me after 700
hours of makeup and hair. They don't see me
when I wake up in the morning and get out of
bed. They wouldn't say that if they saw that.
You've had some really racy scenes on season three. Are they getting easier to film?
It's funny. I talked about this last year with Alexandra
Hedison, who plays Dylan. Actually doing them,
filming them isn't that hard. That's not hard. But,
sometimes, there, there's like a hangover from it.
There's like an aftertaste, that you can't get rid of
It's not while you're doing it, because I think you
just get on, you know, you know what you've got
to do. You have to throw yourself into it totally;
otherwise it doesn't work. And it's afterwards,
when you might feel a bit, just a bit weird. Like
physically, I felt ... kind of detached from my
body after.... You have to do a lot of intimate
scenes with each other and I think afterwards we
both felt a bit disconnected .... Your brain and
your body have stopped talking to each other
because they're not, they're not listening to each
other anymore.
Because you have to turn it off while
you're filming?
Yeah, I suppose so. I suppose you have to, you have
to just override that .... You have to act all these
things which normally are so natural, you know.
Your body's impulses tell you who you want to
be intimate with and who you don't want to be
intimate with and suddenly you're having to
override that impulse. I did feel a bit jangled-up
after. I'm usually quite, physically, I'm quite free
with my body, and I'm quite open and I found
afterwards, I felt a bit, I felt a bit, what's the
word:' Sort of shattered by it. And after that, for
a good few days afterwards, I felt ... inhibited, I
felt like I wanted to curl up.
That's interesting.
I think that scene with Alex [Hedison] was the
most intimate and the most prolonged scene
that I've had to do like that. And god, I was
glad it was with Alex because she and I got on
so well and still do, you know, so I was really
glad it was with someone [where] we could
look after each other and be very comfortable
with one another.
d
Have you done love scenes with men before?
Yes, nothing quite that intimate though, nothing
as intimate or as kind of prolonged as that was.
We shot that for quite a while.
g,
Have you learned anything from doing
I
i't
these scenes?
ty
I've learned about how different positions make
your breasts look better than other positions
on camera. I've learned that the other actresses, we can help each other a lot, I think. I've
learned that they ... can have an affect on you
:'s
that you might not think they will.
0
You've been involved not just in filming
te
these roles but also being a part of popular
?f
lesbian culture. Has that had an effect on
you, personally?
Oh yeah, in lots of ways. I mean, it's all, for me, actually, it's as much about lesbian culture as it is, I
think, American lesbian culture. I have friends at
ra
home, obviously, who are gay but American gay
culture, I think, is just that little bit different. I
suppose it's very (Los Angeles)-centric, obviously,
'cause the show is set there. One thing that I love
t,
t,
£
about it is that so many gay women are so po-
u
litically aware and so educated here. I guess when
you're in a minority like that ... you're forced to
become politically aware. So that's been interesting. I've learned a lot from a lot of the women that
weve met. And, not just the women that work on
the show and the women who are involved in L
Word, but we get quite a lot of visitors who come
up, who visit the set and sometimes they do these
e
y
e
e
walk-on roles and they're always really fascinating to meet and to learn their stories. You know,
like I've met so many women who have left husbands or [come out] quite late on in life,and now
h
find this whole new lease on life.
e
Do you have one of the stories that's really
e
stayed with you?
There are, yes, but I wouldn't really want to tell
you about them to be honest. Because, you
know, you meet these women ... and you chat
with them, and they tell you their stories and
that's it .... They kind of tell you things in confidence. I think because if they watch the show
they have a familiarity with us, the actors.
Sure, because you're coming into their
e
homes every week.
e
e
Yeah, exactly, so that we feel like a guest, like
friends and we start talking to them and they
often open up about things, which I'm sure
they wouldn't do if if they didn't know my face
>
5
and we'd just met.
On being called the most beautifulwoman
on 1V: "That'sfunny.They say that because
they see me after 700 hoursof makeup and
hair.They don't see me when I wake up in the
morningand get out of bed. They wouldn't
say that if they saw that."
a lot of different women who had come from
all over the world actually and I think they
all had a wonderful time, too. There was this
one woman who'd come from an island called
Malta, which weirdly, I used to live on - a
tiny little island in the Mediterranean - and
she was a teacher, and she was gay and shed
come on around and she said that [since Malta
is) a Catholic country, she could never be
openly gay there and keep her job, (but] it was
just so heartwarming to talk to these people,
these women who'd traveled to be at a convention with like-minded people. You could see,
for her, it was such an amazing experience
just to be around all these other women. And,
she watches the show, and so it was just really,
really quite beautiful actually, very touching.
... It's one thing being an actress who makes
shows to entertain people, right? And it's
another thing altogether to feel like you're part
of a kind of political movement that is helping
in some way. That's amazing, and unusual.
Has the show changed how you
S ()C
You've started doing The L Word conven-
perceive yourself?
:i
)
tions, too. I imagine those are a lot more
You mean my gender or my sexuality? Well, I have
quite a few friends who are gay ... maybe that's
a cliche to say, but I've never really felt there's
much of a boundary between us. Some of my
t:
C
J
~
intimate than, say, a sci-fi convention.
I've never been to one of them, but that's what
they say. It was wonderful, actually. There were
closest friends at university were gay - are
gay.... I've always just thought that ... you're
attracted to a person rather than a gender. I
have a lot of gay friends, so I don't feel that
I needed to do this show to sort of, start to
realize that.
Is sexuality is something that you can control?
Do you mean controlled by the individual, like
their sexual preference? I doubt it. I'd never feel
like I can control mine. [Laughs]
You're also in the
oming film Gray Mat-
ters in which Heather Graham's character
realizes that she's a lesbian. Do you get to
help her down that path in the film?
Yes, you could say that. [Laughs] It's a bit of a
cameo role for me, that that film. But it was
great fun to do and we shot it up here in
Vancouver at the same time as we were doing
The L Word, so it was very easy to go between
the two sets. It was exhausting. Alan Cumming
also did the same. I haven't seen it but yes, I do
help her along the path of discovery.
With your role of Helena on The L Word, do you
feel like Helena helped Dylan discover that
she was a lesbian or bisexual woman? Do you
think she helped her discover that?
Yeah, I think so.
Continued on page 55
January/February
2007
I 53
It's the eve of season four, and The
L Word has a lot to prove By Andrea Searby
I
Statistically, Showtime's hit lesbian series is
on a roll. Following a 2005 nomination, The L
Word snagged a win at the 2006 GLAAD Media
Even so, the show seems to be suffering from
its own identity crisis. The main problem isn't
rooted in Jenny's psychological shortcomings
diverse demographical rap sheet at the expense
of narrative ingenuity. Since the first season, the
problem of accommodating certain "manda-
Awards for Outstanding Drama Series. The
show has garnered accolades for addressing
or Dana's sudden and unpopular exit. It's that
the show tries to occupy so many different positions - some of which seem mutually exclusive
tory" issues and events has grown to include a
long list of obligatory guest appearances, while
complex issues concerning race and diversity,
and has cemented itself in the hearts of lesbians
and in the pantheon of queer pop culture. It's fair
to say that many of us will spend Jan. 7 glued to
our TVs to watch this season's premiere.
However, despite The L Word's apparent
success, this season will be pivotal to determining whether the show will reflect a new and
needed attitude adjustment. For as much critical praise as The L Word has received since
its 2004 premiere, it has also felt a continuous
surge of harsh criticism for the way some story
- that the end result is uncertain and lacking.
At times, I don't know whether I am watching
a dramatic series, a hastily concocted public
service announcement, an alternative medium
for politicians to gain exposure, an Olivia infomercial or a desperate and creative plea for new
writing staff (as with the recently completed
"Fanisode" campaign).
Riddled with uncertainty since the beginning, the situation has only deteriorated. The
show is purportedly about a close-knit group of
women from Los Angeles. However, this close-
the original problem remains unsolved.
Granted, the show takes on a range of
issues, some of which have done quite well; for
example, the complicated family drama between
Bette, Kit and Melvin Porter. It successfully
negotiated issues of race, gender and sexuality
in a critical and tactful way that can be widely
appreciated. But its failures are colossal: Dana's
illness and improbably hasty death did little for
the agenda to cure breast cancer, and Moira/Max
is an insult to the transgender community, to put
it most mildly. Generally shows take some level of
lines have unfolded. Some of the most venomous criticism comes from within the communities designated as the target audience.
knit group has always tried too hard to provide
a 'lesbian for everyone,' so to speak, leaving the
social responsibility when producing occasional
"issue" episodes, but they cannot keep it up
over the course of an entire series.
The L Word currently holds a monopoly over
fictional lesbian visibility in mainstream media.
actual characters and their stories secondary to
the roles they are assigned. The show fulfills a
The blame for the show's progression lies
not only with its creative forces, but with its
54
Icurve
target audience. Both are guilty of forgetting one
golden rule: TV does not represent reality. You personally may not find your fictional counterpart in a close-knit group of
women in L.A., and that's alright. Still, the
controversy over the show's image began at the
first sight of season one's promotional group
photos. Though it's undeniable that a show
which makes visible an underexposed population will be held far more accountable for its
social ramifications, there comes a time when
story lines, character development and overall
quality take priority over demographical accuracy. A line must be drawn at some point, otherwise the result is just a conglomerate of stock
characters trying to fictionally document a time
in history while that very time rapidly unfolds.
One other key problem is the show's inability
to overcome its lingering Queer as Folk expectations. Simply put, The L Word cannot be expected
to fulfill the role of a lesbian version of Queer as
Folk with differences viewed as a deliberate play
on previously established themes.
Queer as Folk did have one key factor that
The L Word has yet to demonstrate: a confident,
self-promoting, fuck-you sense of commitment
to its characters. The show was never intended
to be an event-for-event representation of reality, but ironically that over-encompassing principle is what allowed the show to brilliantly tackle
relevant social issues on its own terms, when
and how it pleased. It's a lesson The L Word
could certainly stand to learn, and this season
will determine if that's ever going to happen.
It would be nice to see some better sex this
season. Lately, it's as though no one on that
show has sex unless it's a set up to disaster.
Lara and Dana started off last season with
a bang that fizzled when Lara discovered the
lump in Dana's breast. Helena hooked up with
Dylan, who is quite possibly the least convincing
"straight" woman in the history of cable television, only to find out that their intimacy was just
part of a blackmail scheme. Alice only seemed
to attract vampires and women hung up on their
exes. And was Shane's relative lack of sex last
season - previously one of the only consistent
trends on the show - just coincidental, or was
it supposed to be part of her maturity process?
If Queer as Folk was to blame for reinforcing stereotypes about gay men and sex, The L Word is
doing the same for lesbian bed death.
For the most part, The L Word's most groundbreaking role was in creating multidimensional
lesbian characters. But the last two seasons
communicates an air of creative complacency.
Now is the time to correct this problem, to get
back to the fundamental L-word, while The L
Word still holds our undivided attention. ■
On herfantasywomen:"KateMoss is up there
with all of our top fantasies. ... Beyonceis gorgeous. She's like, perfect body, she's sassy,
she's all of that. You know who else is really
cool? [Gueststar]AnnabellaSciarra. ... There
werequitea few actresseswho were like,'Ooh,
am I goingto havea thingwithher?Who, who,
who is she for?'"
Continued from page 53
A lot of lesbians have a fantasy about helping straight women discover their sexuality.
lesbian readers but I like a little bit of a belly on
a man. [Laughs]I don't know why I like that.
Oh, really? [Laughs]
That's funny.
Do you think that's possible?
And I'm sure lesbian readers are a bit, "Oh no!" It's
really quite horrible but I don't know where
That straight women can be turned? Wow, I don't
know. I mean, these are such huge questions
you're asking me about humanity. You know
what? I think ... you can make rules but then
there is always the exception to the rule. And I
think that, that can be true of people who, you
know, might be in their 40s, 50s, who ... might
be gay and never think that they would have a
straight relationship. They might be straight and
never think that they could have a gay relationship ... and then something can just knock you
sideways. We all know people who have been in
a heterosexual marriage, brought up kids, and
when their kids are 20 they sort of come to this
huge realization. And that's kind of one of the
stories that we do this season.
I've seen it happen, first hand, with friends of
mine, so who knows?
What changes are in store for Helena?
Oh my god, there's so many. I mean it seems like
so long ago that we left her, and her mother,
Peggy just said, 'Tm disinheriting you:• It's
such a journey, for Helena. It's more of a journey than we've seen in previous seasons.
It must be fun to play that.
Really good fun. It's been nice cause I've also got
to work with some of the other characters that
Helena hasn't really cast off with before, which
is nice. I've done stuff with Kate [Moennig],
who plays Shane, and it's just been interesting
that comes from.
You know that you populate the fantasies of
perhaps a fourth of the lesbians around the
TV viewing globe, at this point. Are there
women who populate your fantasies?
Women who populate my fantasies? OK, who
do I think are the hottest women? That question I will answer. . . . The hottest woman,
I think, and I think everyone on this show
agrees, Kate Moss is up there with all of our
top fantasies.
Wow. A lot of people say Angelina Jolie,
right off the bat.
Really? I mean, she's absolutely stunning, that goes
without saying. I think she'd scare me. [Laughs]
She probably wouldn't scare old Helena but
she'd scare me. Who else? Beyonce is gorgeous. She's like, perfect body, she's sassy, she's
all of that. You know who else is really cool?
Who we have on the show, actually, at the moment? Annabella Sciorra. She's on the show,
she's amazing!
Is she in scenes with you?
No, unfortunately. I don't get to do scenes with
her but she's great, lovely and beautiful. And
yeah, I watched her on The Sopranosand was
like, [gasps]"Who is this woman? She's fantastic!" And now she's on the show, and I kind of
went up to shake her hand, and I was like, "Oh
my god. Hello:' [Laughs]And I think, I think
there were, there were quite a few actresses
who were like, "Ooh, am I going to have any-
to watch her try and find a path that is going
to help her now that her life is so radically
different. And you know, she hasn't had that
much success actually, a modicum of success,
but not much. I've had quite a lot of comedic
stuff, which has been great. And a lot of it with
And who is she for?
Leisha [Hailey], who plays Alice.
I don't know if I can tell you!
thing, am I going to have a thing with her?"
[Laughs]Who, who, who is she for?
What do you find sexy that would surprise
Oh, for goodness sakes!
most people?
You'll have to watch the show. ■
Oh, man. Um, well this won't go down well with
January/February 2007
I 55
From lesbian on Buffy the VampireSlayer to unabashed
bisexual in real life, actor lyari Limon still gives us warm,
fuzzy feelings. By Jocelyn Voo
As we speak, Iyari Limon is trucking toward Black Rock Desert, Nev., at
10 p.m., nine friends crammed into vans on the way to Burning Man. ''I've
been wanting to go for many, many years;' the 30-year-old actor enthuses.
'Tm very excited:' And what's not to love about an eight-day festival outfitted
with 24-hour falafel stations and pole-dancing lesson camps in the middle
of nowhere, culminating in a 40-foot wooden effigy exploding in a blaze of
Case in point: Last Christmas, Limon took an impromptu trip to Peru
with only a backpack and a friend in tow. There, she fished for piranhas,
jumped into waterfalls and climbed Machu Picchu solo, and she loved every
second of it. "In the Amazon, we were camped in these hammocks, and you
could hear the crocodiles crawling underneath us;' Limon laughs. "That's the
part where my friend Paula's like, 'Is this authentic enough for you?"'
pyrotechnics? It's just the type of thing any thrill-seeker is want to do.
Limon is just that: a Jill-of-all-trades, reminiscent of an attention deficit
disorder sufferer without her medication. And I mean that in a good way.
She speaks quickly, has a half dozen projects on hand at any given moment,
and her interests run the gamut. "I love exploring and learning and poking
my nose in things - creative things especially;' Limon says. 'Tm like, 'What's
that? Ooh, I want to try it!' From food to traveling to hiking to jumping off
planes and throwing up your hang glider in the air:'
Now that she's safely back in Los Angeles - a city where crocodiles are
more often seen coating some socialite's handbag than crawling under your
bed - Limon is currently without any long-term acting projects. But that
doesn't mean she's staying put; far from it, in fact. After her 2002 run on Buffy
the Vampire Slayer as slayer-in-training and Willow's love interest Kennedy,
Limon took bit roles in ABC's The Drew CareyShow and CBS's Emmy-winning series Without a Trace,but then had a change of heart about her acting
trajectory and dumped her management in 2005.
56
Icurve
"It's so funny how without a steady job, how busy one can be;' says Limon,
now free from the shackles of the fall pilot season. Instead of being part of an
It was just hanging out, nothing serious, having fun. And then we spent like
every day together from there. But it's very rare that I'm that attracted to
ongoing TV series, Limon has done a slew of Old Navy commercial voiceovers
somebody:'
and gives voice to a character on a new Xbox and PlayStation 3 game slated for
So what was it about Edge that won Limon over:'"[Sandra] was so great,
release this year. 'Tm like this tough, Latina bartender woman. It's really cool!
and then I heard her speaking Spanish and I was like, [gasp], oh my god,
I think her name's Reno;' she says. Moreover, she just wrapped her first full-
you speak Spanish:' You've got this cute little blonde haircut like a boy, and
length Spanish-language film, Maquillaje,in which she's the female lead.
you totally don't look Mexican, and you speak Spanish -
Limon also developed an interest in cooking, resulting in her being the
newest student at Le Cordon Bleu culinary academy. However, only two
weeks into making herself the new Rachael Ray, she learned that the heat in
that's totally hot;'
Limon says.'Tm not attracted to very many people, guys or girls, unless there's
an essence to them:'
That's right, 'guys or girls:' Limon, who came out publicly about her
the kitchen was more than she was prepared for. "I kind of jumped into it;'
relationship with Edge earlier in 2006, was previously married to Napoleon
she says. "It's a really tough school. You have papers to write all night, you have
Dynamite actor Efren Ramirez in 1998, though their union was annulled in
recipes to learn. The second day we had to learn all the cuts and sizes, and we
'99. Still, the actor shies away from labeling herself as bisexual. "I love people.
I love bodies. I find them very beau-
had a quiz within four days without looking
at the measurements, how to cut everything
tiful. If I'm drawn to somebody, I'm
up perfect to the T, and it was timed. Which
drawn to them;' Limon explains. 'TU
was fine, but my chef was very suppressive,
and she made me cry. Nobody makes me
be honest: I am attracted to girls. A
lot of times I'm like, 'Oh, my God,
cry! I had to run into the bathroom, and
that girl's hot!' Or a certain part of
I was like, 'What is this:' I'm here to learn
her body I'll be really drawn to. But
how to cook for fun, not because I want to
that's very physical, and that's only
be a top chef in a fancy restaurant:" Despite
short-term. So when I'm drawn to
her short-lived attendance, Limon plans to
someone or their essence, their spiri-
eventually return to culinary school. In the
tuality, how they think and who they
meantime, she's got one thing to show for
are, if they're in a woman-body or a
her efforts: "I make a really good mushroom
man-body, I'm gonna love that body
because that's the body they're in:'
risotto! That one we perfected in class:'
For her fans, Limon's coming-
Ahh, the way to a woman's heart.
out was mostly a nonissue. But for
But it wasn't her Iron Chef skills that
single-handedly
had
women
Limon's family, accepting the fact
swooning
nationwide. It was the whisper heard 'round
that their daughter was dating a
the lesbian world: "Quiero lamer te hasta que
woman was a different story. In
te vengasen mi bocamil veces"("I want to lick
February, Limon decided to visit
you till you come in my mouth a thousand
her mother in her mother's small
times"). Though many viewers -
presum-
hometown of Autlan, Mexico, for
ably after peeling themselves off the floor
her mother's birthday and Carnaval.
-
may remember the dirty talk coming
At this point, Limon was no longer
from Sarah Shahi in the third season of
dating Edge, but invited her down as
Showtime's The L Word, the original seduc-
a friend to partake in the bull runs
tress was Limon, who improvised the line to
and rodeos and all-night drinking
Katherine Moennig during her audition for
festivities. "I knew I was going to
the role of Carmen.
So the real question is, has she ever used
her trilingual ways to seduce anyone in real life:' "Not that directly;' Limon,
"People were going to talk from the
minute we showed up, 'cause that's what they do in small towns. But I don't
who speaks English, French and Spanish, says with a laugh. ''I've whispered
care. I'm not going to hold back who I am or who's in my life:'
hear it from the town;' Limon says.
dirty things, but I don't think I've whispered those words exactly. I'm more of
Indeed, Edge's visit was monumental, not just for Limon's family but also
an action person than a talking person:'
Which would make sense, considering Limon was the one to make the
for Limon herself. "My husband begged me to go to this town to meet my
first move with her ex -
two met through a mutual friend at a nightclub where Edge was spinning,
even took him! It was like, this is very sacred, it's all my family, my grandparents, my aunts. I never took anyone. [Edge is] the first person and only
but it was a far cry from textbook romance. "I just was really drawn to her
person I ever took:'
and first public girlfriend -
DJ Sandra Edge. The
from the beginning;' Limon remembers. "But she didn't even favor me. She
family;' Limon says of the time she was married to Ramirez. "And I never
Though some women - gay and straight -
give bisexual women a hard
didn't turn around [from her turntables]:' Limon claims that she's generally
time, viewing their "either/or" attitude as a cop-out from full-on lesbian-
not the romantic predator, but after two unsuccessful attempts to win a sec-
ism, the actor's confidence and candor is refreshing. "The great thing is that
ond glance, she marched directly up to Edge and began putting on the moves.
I know I can be with either a man or a woman;' says Limon, who is currently
"I just started flirting with her, putting on her hat, and she was teaching me
dating a man. "And that's huge for me because I'm not confused or doubt-
how to use her system. I had no problem being the one to approach her at
ing or thinking, 'Oh God, am I gay or am I not:" I'm very comfortable and
all;' Limon says. "That same night, we went to my friend Jenny's and we all
very grounded. I know that I can be with either one, because if it's the right
person, I can be happy:' ■
hung out all night, and it was great, and the next day she cooked me dinner.
January/February 2007
I 57
PowderPuffGirs
How I learned smelling sweet isn't always the best thing. By Harlyn Aizley
It began at birth, my well,meaning mother powdering my bottom
after every diaper change. That it continued until well into my 30s
- the powdering, not the diapering - is the problem. Everyone's
powdered as a baby. Not everyone powders herself silly into adult,
hood, covering the crotch of her underpants and even her very
grown,up, birth,preventing, insert,it,far,inside,you
diaphragm
with a daily layer of talcum powder.
So there are two issues here. One is talc. The other is my
mother's obsession with bodily odors. For now, let's talk about talc.
Talc is so closely related to the known carcinogen asbestos that the
biggest powder manufacturer of all might as well rename its most
famous brand of baby powder to Baby Asbestos. Not only that,
but numerous studies show a strong link between frequent use of
talc in the female genital area and ovarian cancer, and that talc par,
tides can sometimes be found in tumors of ovarian cancer patients.
58
I curve
That's why with my mother dead and gone, dust and chips of bone
at rest in an urn on top of my dresser thanks to a nasty bout of
metastatic ovarian cancer, it doesn't feel far,fetched to suggest that
the refusal by manufacturers of baby /body /lady asbestos to put
warning labels on each and every container of talcum powder is the
equivalent of taking random shots at consumers with a revolver.
I project my rage onto the most well,known company - one
that ranks among HRC's best for gay employees but shall, despite
my protests, remain nameless thanks to the complexities of indie
publishing more than anything else - with no fear of reprisal,
because they manufacture Shower to Shower, my mother's talc of
choice. After every evening's bath (maybe you're only supposed to
apply it after a shower?) my mother would sprinkle Shower to
Shower into a fresh pair of underpants before putting on the whole
death sentence and going to bed. She sprinkled Shower to Shower
Where to Get the Shot
Now you want it, so how do you get it? Dr.
Jeanne Marrazzo has suggestions:
•
Talk to your doctor.If you have medical
insurance and a regular doctor, talk to your
doctor about whether she carries it and
whether it's available.
•
Talkto yourinsurance
provider.
If you have
health insurance, give your provider a call.
most placebo-controlled studies performed
has the potential to save millions of dol-
cally I could go insane, never want to have
by respected physicians from prestigious
lars in treatment costs, Marrazzo said she
sex again, grow a beard or all of the above.
universities do not adhere to the empirical
So, upon the left one, there seems to be
rules of the road and so are as fl.awed and
happily foot the bill.
a cyst of the complex variety. Not a simple,
subjective as is my claim that powder manu-
Visita community
clinic.If you don't have
clear follicular cyst like most menstruat-
facturers killed my mother.
insurance, call your local community clinic
ing women host each month, but an alien
find out whether they offer the shot and
an
sounding "node"
reasons powder manufacturers are market-
Callyourcountyhealthdepartment.
Local
ing cornstarch rather than talc. I've never
government agencies can give you a sense of
where the vaccine is available and whether
thing going on:'
"Gee, powder containers used to say pure
Let me tell you, when your mother died
talc, now they boast of being pure corn-
of ovarian cancer and your gynecologist calls
starch. I wonder what the heck happened?"
you to say "there's something going on;' and
Nor have I ever heard anyone suggest how
suspect it is that the biggest manufacturer
the first thing you do is shit your brains out.
of Baby Asbestos
Then you have the ovary removed, why mess
pany ALZA Corporation -
Ways to Save
around. That means 10 days later you'll be
Doxil, a form of chemotherapy for the treat-
short an ovary and the hormones that go
ment of metastatic ovarian cancer. It's a free
If you don't have insurance but want the vac-
with it. This of course willtrigger an infinite
market after all.
-
via its family commanufactures
cine, the US. Centers for Disease Control and
cascade of gut-wrenching thoughts about
The point is this: Don't powder your
Prevention and other agencies are working to
your own life as well as that of your deceased
vagina, your underpants, your diaphragm.
Consider me a friend, an acquaintance at
make the vaccine affordable for you. Check out
mother, which will cause you finally -
these programs before you pay full price.
years after her death -
three
to take her ashes off
a dinner party, a sticker on a tollbooth, a
the dresser and scatter them in the bay of her
lunatic camped out in front of the powder
pre-mortem choosing, and then four months
manufacturer's worldwide headquarters in
later consider having a rip-roaring affair
New Brunswick, N.J. with a handmade sign
with the mayoress of Wrongville. But that
that reads, "Have you heard there's a poten-
policy and offers grants to ensure that low-
is another story altogether -
an offshoot
tial link be ween ovarian cancer and talcum
income and underrepresented groups have
or branch or tributary, depending upon your
powder use in the cuntish region?" Don't
access to health vaccines.
metaphorical mood, maybe related to ovarian
worry, I won't ask whether you've thought
cancer and maybe not.
about why you want your downstairs so soft
set its policy, but Marrazzo said the group
Suffice to say if there's one thing the big
and pure in the first place. Men could be
is considering offering reduced-cost vac-
powder manufacturer stole from me, other
powdering their balls for all I know, which
cines to women 18 and under from Native
than my mother, it's illusion. But how do
I don't know due to my lesbianic tenden-
American backgrounds.
you prove that empirically? How do you take
cies. Just in case, this would be a nice place
your lifetime illusions of maternal immor-
to note that Ortho-Clinical
tality, unconditional love and monogamy,
Inc., another of the powder manufacturer's
trap them in smooth glass test tubes and
farnly companies, is developing an assay
then pour them out to measure here and
that tests for alpha-fetoprotein, a testicular
Who: Merck is developing a program to make
there against controls to determine whether
cancer monitoring marker. Sorry fellas. A
the vaccine available at a discounted price
the death of your mother, secondary to the
buck's a buck. And if you want to keep yours
to women over 18 who make less than 200
backfiring of her womanhood, caused you
-
percent of poverty level in your state.
one day to want to dismantle your own life?
for you too.
Gardasil.
':t
But that's not the point. Nor is the fact that
0
16 years spent managing clinical trials at an
~
overheard a shopper say to him or hersel£
that something is a complex ovarian cyst,
Merck Pharmaceuticals
What: The drug company that developed
()
Nowadays, you can buy pure cornstarch
powder. No one has confessed to the true
that is alarming enough to cause my gynecologist to call me and say, "There's some-
Who: At press time, the ACIP had not yet
()
of matter containing
even more otherworldly
Advisory Committee of Immunization
Practices
What: Partner of the CDC that helps set
::i
conglomeration
if it's available on a sliding scale.
it's available at a discounted price.
0
Ivy League medical school taught me that
Ask if they cover the vaccine. Because it
to
•
Powder Puff Girls continues from page 59
threatens to jolt my hormones so dramati-
suspects that most insurance carriers will
•
When your mother died of ovarian cancer
and your gynecologist calls you to say
"there's something going on" and that
something is an ovarian cyst, the first
thing you do is shit your brains out. Then
you have it removed, why mess around.
bucks and balls Pass it
Diagnostics,
I'd say it's cornstarch
on. ■
January/February 2007
I61
Reviews
Sapphic Screen
Pirates and Wenches, Oh My!
Three new DVDs tackle interesting queer girl territory.
I
yTracy E. Gilchrist
EDITOR'S
FullFrame
Shorts
Documentary
Vol.4 andthe
FilmFestival
Docurama
Filmdis(Docurama):
takes
tributorDocurama
theirloveof documentaryfilm to an all-time
highwiththeirnew
at-homefilm festival.
Seethe moviesyou'd
seeat a festivalbut in
yourownhome,via DVD,
anywherein the country.
It's a greatconceptwith
flicks
trulysuperlative
likequeerteenfilm The
of ShelbyKnox,
Education
NativeAmericanhistory
pop culture appears to be coming to terms with
and Mainstream
BrokenRainbow,
Tony AwardCatholic lesbian characters on the small screen, and with
the challenging
to MelGibson, winning actors kissing their girlfriends on their way to the
response
winner's podium on national television. But dyed-in-theIf
SisterRose'sPassion.
wool lesbian filmmakers are making movies where it's hard
youcan'tcommitto a
wholefestivallineupof
to pigeonhole identifiers like lesbian, butch and femme. Not
amazingdocumentary so long ago, painful coming-out stories rife with unrequited
films comingto your love for bi-curious (and ultimately straight) friends proliferhouse,pickupthe shorts ated in lesbian storytelling, but now queer filmmakers are selfcollectionfromNorth
reflectively questioning roleplaying, lesbian sex and even sex
Carolina'sFullFrame,
with men. These three new DVDs are good examples.
the country'spre-eminentdocfest- which
featuresKatherine
Leggett'scaptivating It's fitting that Maria Maggenti, who delivered 1995's The
Incredibly True Adventure of 2 Girls in Love - a benchmark
taleof growingup in a
town high school tale in which the baby butch gets the girl rather than
smallMidwestern
with closetedgaypar- winds up on suicide watch - now examines the intricacies of
ents,SmallTownSecrets lesbian identity in Puccinifor Beginners.Intellectually evolved,
- andgeta tasteof
emotionally stunted, opera-loving with a dash of tough femme
whatyou'remissing. Allegra, played by Elizabeth Reaser, refuses to say the L-word,
(docurama.com)-Diane to the chagrin of her girlfriend, Samantha. Once Samantha
Anderson-Minshall
on a
dumps Allegra for failing to commit, Allegra embarks
journey to avoid self-discovery and begins an affair with a man
(played by cutie Justin Kirk of Showtime's Weeds) and with
his ex-girlfriend Grace (played by The Notorious Bettie Page's
Gretchen Mol).
Reaser - a rising star who was recently featured in The
Family Stone and who looks a bit like a baby Julia Roberts portrays Allegra with a melange of cool hotness, intellectual
62 I curve
condescension and self-effacing narcissism. Maggenti snagged
The L Word's Laurel Holloman to play the lead in True
Adventure, and now the actor is a darling of our community.
That same casting panache could mean the beginning of a
beautiful relationship between Reaser and her lesbian cinema
lovers. Besides, any filmmaker who casts Mol as a moonlighting glassblower in the midst of an affair with a woman knows
how to play to her audience.
More than a decade after True Adventure, director Maggenti
has proven she's got the chops to keep the girls coming.
It's a new breed of upstairs/ downstairs at one Vancouver apartment house in director Desiree Lim's charming Flooredby Love.
In a mere 50 minutes, Lim explores cross-cultural hijinks when
Japanese Janet (played by Natalie Sky) pops the question to her
Chinese girlfriend Cara (played by Shirley Ng). Lim throws in
some screwball comedy when Cara's parents, who don't know
she's gay, turn up with a moment's notice at the lesbian couple's
doorstep. Short-haired and tomboyish Cara heads for the skirt
at the back of the closet and the ruby red lipstick buried in the
junk drawer in an attempt to throw her parents off the trail.
Meanwhile their downstairs neighbor Jesse, a gay teen, grapples with his good-time gay dad's rare visit. While the movie
explores Janet and Cara's struggle to convince their parents that
their love is real, Lim focuses her lens on Cara's fear of saying,
"I do:' (And mea culpa: I give the film extra kudos for liberally
placing issues of
CURVE
in the mise-en-scene.)
irate tnd Wenches continued on page 71
DVD PICKS
centfashion,theirresentment
towardsociety'sgenderroles
becomes
projected
ontoeach
other.Complete
with13-yearolds'birthdayparties,brafittings,
bonersandUFOs,
50 Waysof
Saying
Fabulous
is an honestand
vulnerable
film sureto endear.
(olivefilms.com)-Sonia
Kreitzer
Noa
a (Wolfe
Video):The1997romanticcomedy,nowon DVD,centersaround
unsuccessful
stand-upcomedian
Kira(Kathleen
Fontaine)
andher
friends,one-nightstandsand,
finally,lover(DesidelValle).The
womenarecute,theplotis mildly
chaotic,andthe datedquality
of the movieactuallyaddsto its
comicappeal.Thereis anoverall
amateurish
touchto thefilmmaking,butthe eccentriccharacters,
occasional
lovemaking
anda
numberof hilariousscenesmake
for a fun eveningonthecouch
withthe girls.(wolfevideo.com)
- UrsulaSteck
IJJ
(Logo):It maysurprise
someto knowthat Noah's
Arc,
a showaboutfourgaymale
African-American
friendsin Los
Angeles,
is a smashhit among
lesbians
- especially
lesbians
of color.Butthat'swhat'shappening,especially
afterLogo
premiered
theseasontwoopener
onlineandhookedthousands
moredykefans- yes,one
episodeis all it takes.Good
news:thiscomedysoap(think
SexandtheCitymeetsSoulFood
withgaymen),is on DVDjust
in timefor youto findouthow
Alex,Ricky,NoahandChance
cametogetherandhowthey
still struggleovercareer,love
andLala Land.(logoonline.com)
- DianeAnderson-Minshall
Joyce Draganosky
I
WRITERAND DIRECTOR I
Brooklyn filmmaker Joyce Draganosky understands love. She and partner Laureen Callo
have been charming audiences all year with their quirky lesbian romantic short, TheScience
of Love. Draganosky is an Emmy Award-winning writer, director and filmmaker whose
previous films include ExtremeMom and the gay hit Jared.By day, she writes and directs
for clients including HBO, Time Warner and NBC. - Diane Anderson-Minshall
Tell
(SweetPix):
Become
a rockstarin bedwith
thisfabulously
fun exercise
programthatlightheartedly
trains
youfor the bedroom,
improves
yourselfesteemandmakesyou
feelsexyinsideandout.And,if
sexualvitality'snotimportant,
well,it's full of dykeychicksin
(OliveFilms):Whena film opens tinyretro-looking
shorts.(sweetwithsheepstumblingthrough
moves.com)
- DAM
theunlikelypasturesof scorched
MinorAccomplis
mountains
in the heatof New
(IFC):
Zealanddrought,theonlylogical
screenwriter
and
presumption
is that somesheep Struggling
ragingnarcissist
Jackie
will be left behindwhileothers
Woodman
navigates
herway
struggleto maintaintheirplace
throughHollywood
in this
in the group.Inthischarming
little-knowngemof IFC.Aspring
film aboutthe lattergroup,
Tinseltownies
will fall in lovewith
13-year-old
Billydiscovers
his
attractionto boyswhenhestarts theshow'ssharpwritingandbelievablyflawedcharacters.
Minor
experimenting
withthe newkid
Accomplishments
hascomedian
at school.Hisbestfriend,the
LauraKightlinger
to thankas its
androgynous
tomboyLou,who
writer,executive
producer
and
prefersto go by "Brad,"fights
leadactor.(ifc.com)- Catherine
herownfeministwarthrough
rugby.Ultimately,
in trueadoles- Plato
The Scienceof Love is a lesbian romantic comedy that asks the question, "Can
you prove lovet So we have Sydney, and she's a buttoned-up, "brainy but beautiful" professor who dashes with her boss Ileana, who's totally sexy and seductive. And they are arguing over Sydney's research, that claims brains scans can
measure true love. And there's all this sexual tension. And then they have a sexy
sword fight in stiletto heels. It's really a wacky little movie. I loved making it.
Wh
Well, that's the old adage .... And yes, I think it does. It's an age-old battle, the
one between intellect and emotion. The mm(. , ants one thing, and the heart
wants another. Who hasn't experienced that?
, ry
Abduction! My partner and I had just finished making The Scienceof Love
and we were beyond exhausted. She happened to have a big birthday that
week, but I fooled her into thinking that we weren't going to do anything but
... while I was making the film, I was also secretly setting up an elaborate surprise. The day before her birthday, I went to her office to take her to lunch, but
instead, I put her in the car, drove to the airport, and took her to Paris. Our
limo drove up to the Plaza Athenee, where I got a huge, elaborate suite ... the
one with the view of the Eiffel Tower and more bathrooms than you need, and
when we entered the suite, I had dozens oflong-stemmed roses, chocolate and
champagne. There is nothing more exciting that abducting someone for love.
She was so surprised, she cried. It wasn't very rational. We'd just spent a boatload of money on the movie. But it was worth every penny. Sometimes,you
have to just throw logic out the door and follow your passions. And we're
together 11 years now, too. It just keeps getting better and better. ■
January/February 2007
I 63
Reviews
In the Stacks
Two for the Girls
In a man's world, sometimes we have to stick together.
EDITOR'S
"Are my generation's workplace struggles to be repeated in our
daughter's saturation with all things Barbie and Bratz and
Hello Kitty?" not to mention the cheerleading her own girl is
It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters,
obsessed with? I doubt I'll know the answer to this until my
own daughter reaches adulthood. But based on where things
currently stand in my own home and those of many of these
Giving birth to a daughter was probably the most defining
moment of my adult life. It not only challenged me in previously
unimaginable ways, but it also made me acutely aware that I was
now responsible for more than just my own precious bundle.
accept nothing less than full athletic participation. Still, our
crowd of feminist mothers now must ask, as Peskowitz does,
Icurve
y Rachel Pepper
Two new books show that straight and gay women should unite
on the issues that shape our experience in a male-centric world.
A SimpleDistance, Incredibly, or so it seemed, the fate of the state of girlhood now
K.E.Silva{Akashic):In
rested on my shoulders, and it has proven a heavy yet ultimately
Silva'squietlyaffecting joyful burden to carry.
first novel,Jean,a Bay
The writers in the
arealesbiancivilnew anthology It's a Girl
rightsattorney,faces
acutely feel this burden.
thejaggedpathsof a
life that shesayswas Feminist writers includdividedfromthe start: ing Jacquelyn Mitchard,
"I wasbornwith quick- Joyce Maynard and Gayle
growingrootsthat snuck Brandeis share essays that
betweenmy parents grapple with how to balandsplitmyfamilyinto ance one's own girlhood
pieces."WhenJean herstory against letting
returnsto herparents' our daughters blossom
homelandin theWest and stretch their own set
Indiesto helpalleviatea
of wings. One lesbian
familycrisisintertwined
hovers in the pack with
with the island'somiLatty's short essay that opens with 'Tm
nouspoliticalsituation, "Girl House;' Yvonne
via artificial insemination;' a process she
pregnant
got
I
and
gay
shemustalsoconfront
create a boy. Surprise! She produced
would
was)
I
(as
sure
was
a deepcrisisof self.Her
princess-adoring, I-must-wear-acurly-haired,
"pink-loving,
a
lesbianaffairduringher
lasttrip to the island dress-every-day, paint-my-nails-and-toenails-please, I-am-sohasbothalienatedJean beautiful kind of girl:'
fromthe communityand
As befits this collection's tide, there are several requisite
threatenedhermother's stories about the surprise of having a girl child and learning
placethere- butthe
to deal with girls' obsessions with Barbie, princesses and pink
fallout
moredangerous
tutus. Although these things can strike a chord of fear into the
lieswithinJean'sown
heart of any feminist mom, soon enough they fade away into
exilefrom
self-imposed
the new clutter of black soccer shorts, Scooby Doo videos and,
intimacy.Althoughthis
least in our house, the ever-expanding collecting of Littlest
at
is a deeplyinterior
novel,Silvaalsooffers Pet Shop animal toys.
Though many of the essays are written from the perspective
an intricatelyplotted
of new motherhood, mothers of older girls will still find the
in
taleof homophobia
islandlife. book enjoyable, since there's nary a bad essay in the bunch. In
postcolonial
Withherunderstated fact, several made me choke up, like Amy Bloom's "Me and My
proseandemotional Girls:' Another stand-out essay was "Cheerleader" by Miriam
Silvaproves Peskowitz, whose daughter, like mine, adores Hillary Du.ff,
intelligence,
herselfto bean emergthe PrincessDiaries, skorts and American Girl dolls. Like me,
ingwriterto keepan eye
Peskowitz was born in 1964 and remembers the signing of the
on.(akashicbooks.com)
Tide IX legislation that would allow our daughters today to
-Julia Bloch
64
I
writers, I'd say the future of girlhood is in pretty good hands.
Pink Ribbons, Inc.: Breast Cancer and the Politics
of Philanthropy, Samantha King (University of
s
Pink Ribbons, Inc. takes as its premise an intriguing concept
- that the commercialization of breast cancer may have
changed the landscape for disease treatment and acceptance,
but has done little toward its prevention. This idea is not new;
activist groups like Breast Cancer Action have been trying to
get this message out for several years. Still, the relevance of a
book-length treatise is that this idea can no longer be ignored.
Once a secret, shameful condition, breast cancer is now a widely "marketed" disease, with its ubiquitous symbol of hope, the
pink ribbon, on postage stamps, T-shirts, hats, bracelets and
even yogurt caps. How did the search for a cure for breast cancer, this book asks, become
about consumption,
not
prevention? How is it that
many of the biggest pharmaceutical companies of
cancer-treatment drugs are
sponsors of cancer walk-athons? How, author King
PINK
R•BBONS
• -C~ .. ,t·-,,~J,1.//JJK,./H,1 •.,,N,.
t.C.
-
wonders, is it that this notion of the "empowered"
patient, able to proudly
participate in "thons;' has
become "institutionalized
and incorporated into the
fabric of the cancer establishment?" A fabric, she
argues, that does not provide all women - particularly poor
women and women of color - equal access to treatment.
Why are women being coached to be so cheerful and not
to angrily demand the kind of protest that, King reminds us,
author Audre Lorde imagined with her "army of one-breasted
women" descending on the Capitol, demanding that "the use of
carcinogenic, fat-stored hormones in beef-feed be outlawed?"
King makes no claim of an easy answer, since the consumerist
response to disease is merely "one set of symptoms of a much
broader set of social, political and economic conditions:• Still,
Pink Ribbons, Inc. is a fascinating read for anyone whose life
has been touched by breast cancer. In this day and age, unfortunately, that's likely to be all of us. ■
2007 is the
year for...
PAGE TURNERS
SuperVillainz,
AliciaE.
Goranson
(Suspect
Thoughts):
Inthe prologueto Goranson's
first
novel,thewinnerof a Project:
QueerLit award,a transchick
namedBittellsJamesDeanesquetrannyboiDevonthat
bodiesarelike"strangehusksin
oddshapesthathadto be masteredlikeplayinga cello."The
elegantimageis at funkyodds
withthis high-speed
graphic
adventure
novel,whichoffsets
its grittyBostonstreetssetting
witha storythatcouldbe lifted
fromthe pagesof a sexy,witty
transgender
comicbook.After
BitandDevonwitnessthe death
of a mysteriously
charismatic
superhero
whorescuesthem
froma mugging,theybecome
thetargetsof hisvengefulfamily
membersandmustsolvethe
mysteryof the man'sabilities
whilesomehownavigating
the
terrainof livinglow rentand
evolvingidentityat thesame
time.(suspectthoughts.com)
-JB
Deathof a Department
Chair,
LynnC Miller(UWPress):
Thisdrollandprovocative
takeon a classicmurderyarn
beginswith a letterfromthe
accused- professorMiriam
Heldwhowassuspected
of
killingherbossandformerlover
IsabelVittorio- andgoeson
to chronicleMiriam'sjourney
throughthe morassof evidence
andatmosphere
of paranoiaand
mistrust.Pitchperfectin prissy,
satiricalfashion,it's a behindthe-scenes
taleof lesbian
academia
with metaphors
that
applyto anyworkplace.(wise.
edu/wisconsinpress)
- Diane
Anderson-Minshall
Unexpected
Ties,GinaL.Dart
(BoldStrokes):
LoversKateand
Nikkiaresweptup in another
mystery
whena localscionends
upfacedownin desertat a society
dinner,buttheyhavefamilyissues
to dealwith:a meddling
grandma
andtheirownunlikelyrelationship.
(boldstrokesbooks.
com)- DAM
hmm...
more...
more
friends
ft.Jr,I
•
Mona E.
IAUTHOR I
Mona E. was set to be an immigrant success story: educated with
a master's degree from NYU and making strides as a successful
public relations consultant in Los Angeles. But after a severe back
surgery, being laid off and an introduction to crack cocaine, her story
changed. After her first few puffs, Mona spent the next three years
stealing from her family, scamming drug dealers and obsessing over
her next fix. Three years sober now, she has put her experiences in a
memoir, DisCOKEnnected.-
Lauren Palmigiano
Early in the book, you state that to be an artist you need to
"have the most important element in the formula: the selfdestructive, fucked-up, life-sabotaging attitude." Do you
still believe that?
No. I do believe, however, that artists are more prone to falling
WANT TO
CO PARENT?
into that trap simply because they have an overly pronounced
sensitivity and sensibility toward life which at times makes it
harder for them to overcome some of the simple challenges of
life. Especially when they are unable to channel their creativity and energy in a productive way.
Did you experiment with drugs prio to crac ?
No, I had never experimented with drugs prior to that first
night. I knew absolutely nothing about crack before I started
using. Back then my perceprion of drug users was very
negative -
I simply wanted nothing to do with them, for
I narrow-mindedly considered them failures and criminals.
Now of course, I sing a different tune. I don't judge anybody.
Visiting a lot of bad neighborhoods and sometimes scamming dealers for crack, did you eve fear for your safety?
I never really was conscious about the danger that I was
facing because I was either too high to feel anything or too
blinded by the craving ... I was lucky in the sense that I always
got away with my scams and never had to prostitute myself
for crack. However, [my girlfriend] Angie did not have such
luck. I remember one time we went to see her dealer, and I
was to wait in the living room while the two of them locked
Straight divorced male, 52, 5'10",
blond but graying/blue, Harvardeducated, almost famous investor/
author/animal welfare activist/long
distance cyclist seeks cheerful,
health-conscious, well-educated
lesbian (or committed couple) to
bear and coparent his children. Will
pay for children's food, clothing,
and health care, as well as private
school, college, grad school,
weddings, etc. Can relocate.
themselves up in the bedroom. I wasn't sure if her dealer expected me to visit that room once she would be done, but I
ILikeBearsDo You@aol.com
was prepared to leave without obliging. ■
January/February
2007 \ 65
Reviews
Music Watch
Fresh Faces for the New Year
These up-and-coming artists are sure to turn heads in 2007. I By Margaret Coble
EDITOR'S
PIC
A Piano:The
Tori
Collection,
Amos(Rhino):
Tori
Amos'sublimemixture
of pop,piano,rockand
superbstorytellinghas
beenamongmyall-time
favoritessinceher
debutin 1992.Nowthis
newcollectionoffers
up herclasics,B-sides,
rarities,remixesand
previously
unreleased While none of the artists I mention below are newcomers to
worksin thisfive-disc the music world by any means, they might have slipped under
boxset packaged
to look your radar, and it's my job to make sure you take notice. Chris
likea miniaturepiano. Pureka, Nervous but Excited, and Arthur Loves Plastic featurOneof the bonuses:
ing Lisa Moscatiello are dykes to watch - or, I guess, listen
an extendedversion
- out for in the new year.
of herdebutalbum,
LittleEarthquakes.
This
is well worththe $75. Dr,, ~d C ri Pu eka 'S d Rab i+)
(rhino.com)-Diane Even if you're not familiar with her solo music, you might recogAnderson-Minshall nize Pureka's name (or cute face!) from her collaborations with
together as Nervous but Excited, briefly known as Kate & Sarah.
The Michigan-based duo play "pleasantly aggressive'' (their
own term, hence the name of their label) acoustic folk music,
blending progressive politics, sharp wit, and deep introspection
with nuanced harmonies and a bevy of stringed instruments on
their debut 11-track release. The album opener, "Lansing;' is a
sweet folk-pop love letter
to
their hometown and one of the
strongest cuts on the disc, while "Slow and Steady" is a sparse
banjo-mandolin-accordion love song, and "Living Room, Early
AM" is a beautiful, moody acoustic guitar instrumental featur-
folk-poet extraordinaire Alix Olson. The New England-based,
ing upright bass and tablas. It's hard for me to put my finger on
self-identified genderqueer co-wrote the music for and recorded
exactly what makes Nervous but Excited stand out among the
several tracks on Olson's first two albums, as well as toured with
neverending stack of singer-songwriter acoustic folk CDs that
her in 2001 when Olson was just getting started. Since then,
cross my desk, but they definitely got my attention. (nervous
hutexcited.com)
Pureka released a self-titled debut in 2001, Driving North in
2004, and her third album, Dryland, just recently. Her deeply
personal and passionate songwriting style draws on hardships
in life and relationships for most of her fodder, with a lyrical
style that's poetic while still accessible. Her hushed vocals are a
little rough around the edges and richly emotive, and her guitar
playing is, well, breathtaking. Very few contemporary singersongwriters pay as much attention
to
their guitar technique
as to their vocals and lyrics, but Pureka's got the whole package. The album opener, "Intro;' is an instrumental show-off of
that killer guitar skill, flowing gently into "These Pages;' a rambling vignette of interpersonal awkwardness. The fingerpicking
"Compass Rose" is my personal favorite, but the whole album
is just gorgeous to listen to. Fans of Patty Griffin and Mary
Gauthier ought to give Pureka a spin. (chrispureka.com)
Once More . . . With Feeling, Nervous but Excited
s t y A qre siv )
Kate Peterson and Sarah Cleaver are accomplished singersongwriters in their own rights, and now they've teamed up
66
I
curve
Troubled, Arthur Loves Plastic featuring Lisa
oscatiello (Ma~hine Hea~)
I know I've mentioned several releases by prolific D.C.-based
electronic producer DJ Bev Stanton, aka Arthur Loves Plastic,
over the years. I believe I even mentioned the album that's
the source material for this remix project, Lisa Moscatiello's
superb, award-winning Trouble From the Start, for which
Stanton wrote/ co-wrote five tracks. So I guess I just can't
resist plugging this new project which transforms Moscatiello's
lush jazz-folk rock album into a swirling, bubbling electronic
soundscape that mesmerizes from start to finish. On several
of the cuts, Stanton selects a vocal phrase or refrain from the
original song to build her new interpretation, making them
totally new songs. "I Can Dream" ("Exile" from Moscatiello's
disc) stands out as a haunting favorite, but the entire disc
makes for great mood/ sex/ exercise/ road trip music. Kudos!
(arthurlovesplastic.com) ■
OTHER LICKS
IgniteSound}:Out
(Few'II
andjazzyfolk-pop
Canadian
artistSwiftreturnswith herninth
disc,anotherwinself-released
nerfilledwithheruniquemusical
political
/ fusionandleft-leaning
lyrics.(emberswift.com)
I MeWithTre
•
La
{Cherchez
ThePacificNorthwest
Femme}:
neverstopschurningoutthe
greatindiepop-punkmusic,and
thisboy-girlduofromPortlandis
by
thelatesthotstuff.Produced
Sloan(TheNeed),released
Radio
label.(cher
onSarahDougher's
com)
chezlafemmeprojects.
ISINGER-SONGWRITER
gyny
I
~
CT£f.'
-n1
With a sexy shaved head and velvety vocals, gender-bending diva
Androgyny will surely become a dyke favorite in no time, especially with her upcoming L Word appearance. The Nigerian-born
singer-songwriter blends gospel, jazz and soulful pop into a sound
so smooth we'd fall for her even if she were a straight chick (which,
thankfully, she's not). -
Catherine Plato
I)
Do
R
I would
{SAFRecords}:
neverhavepredicteda reunion
oftheseminal1970sU.K.girl
punkbandtheSlits,butoriginal
Ari-UpandTessaPollit
members
Wh
arebackwitha three-track
EPfeaturingthesurprisingly
dub
bass-heavy,
contemporary,
"SlitsTradition."
reggae-flavored
co.uk)
(theslits.
Only on one song, 'i\nd I Love You;' where I do play the native African conga drum. I have one that was custom made
and given to me by my mother on my birthday a few years
ago. It hangs on my walls at home
to
remind me of my heri-
tage, and it is my pride and joy.
?
Oh honey, I have the most haphazard songwriting process •...
I simply write when I am inspired to. So if I am inspired by
something at 6 p.m. in the heart of traffic on [Los Angeles']
405 freeway, I start to write there and then - yes, I know
I shouldn't do it while driving, but if I don't jot something
down, it disappears as soon as it came.
Ho
I knew I was different at age 8, and by 13, I absolutely knew
that I was a lesbian and I came out to my family and friends
right there .... They actually laughed about it and said it was
just a phase ... We never spoke about it again until I was 19,
at which time I expressed the fact that it actually wasn't a
phase and I knew for sure I was a lesbian. All hell broke lose. I
Is
I
It's a
{self-released}:
littleunclearfromtheirbioand
lyricswhethertheirloveaffairis
strictlymusical,butthere'sno
aboutJessieMurphy
uncertainty
andJamieStellini'sshimmering
melodiesandcatchy
indie-pop
became an outcast, treated like I had a disease and constantly
persecuted. I ended up alone, away from my family on my
own in London and then here in the U.S.A. with no communication from any family members. But in early 1999, my
mom and dad came here to make their peace. I accepted and
I do love them dearly.... My heart goes out to all those whose
family are not supportive of their sexuality but I do encourage them to bravely come out ... maybe like mine, they will
eventually come around. ■
"Oneof the most
romanticlesbian
on
destinations
.t..
an~ C/nn the planet."
11 1
-PlanetOut
since 1983
1ZJi'e \
\
A~P
-~
WORLD'SFOREMOST
GAY& lfSB!AN HOTHS
POBox118,Bethlehem,NH03574
(537-2466)❖ 603869-3978
877LES·B·INN
❖ www.highlandsinn-nh.com
vacation@highlandsinn-nh.com
Reviews Tech Girl
Tools to Make 2007 Easier
I
From kitties to computers, let's simplify. By Diane Anderson-Minshall
Sure, DVD players and digital camcorders are fun but will they make your life any more efficient this year?
No. But, these handy gadgets, tools and Web sites certainly will.
Clockwise from top
right: The new Leatherman Charge ALX, Golla's
Digi Bag, old-school
cassettes that you can
ditch now thanks to
Cassettes2CDs.com,
CitiKitty and Dragon
Naturally Speaking
S io ~e 'e
o r
With Dragon Naturally Speaking you
can send e-mail, fill in forms, compose
novels or IM all without typing. This
speech recognition software is 99 percent
accurate at recording up to 160 words a minute (the average person types less than 40). It's
changing my life as I type, er, speak. ($80, nuance.com/naturallyspeaking)
A o
~
•e /
'P
- t
Just out this month is the dyke diva's No. 1 must have: one of the three new Leatherman
Charge multi-tools, like the titanium-handled TTi. Leatherman tools are strong, sharp, big,
powerful and versatile and when you're holding one, every girl will think the same of you. Plus,
with over 20 different tools in one (pliers, knife, saw, scissors, screwdriver, can opener and
more), each Leatherman assures you're ready to tackle anything. The newly improved models
(like Charge ALX, shown above) is even more stylin'.($128 and up, leatherman.com)
Bo
If you have kitties, you scoop a lot of poop, but no more my feline-lovin' friend. CitiKitty,
the toilet training kit for cats, will rescue you from the dookie wagon and give you something to put on YouTube (cats going in toilets are apparently some of the most downloaded
entries there). You can train any age, any size cat in three to six weeks and never scoop again.
($30, citikitty.com)
A~ro
n
's • le
ac,
From e-mail addresses to perfunctory business cards, there's a lot of contact info to store
these days. To help with management of contact data, get the new CardScan Personal, a travel ready scanner that synchs up with Outlook, PD As and smart phones and consolidates and
categorizes all your data from everything from e-mail to biz cards. ($160, cardscan.com)
ec
aJ T
t
on·
~a
ate
Golla of Finland's new Digi Bags let you carry your digital camera, phone or MP3 in funky
little dykey unisex bags instead of those ugly leather clip-ons. ($15, www.golla.fi)
Re urn of +he
e ap
If you grew up in the '80s you likely have a closet full of mix tapes - old school audio tapes
that your girlfriend or BFF made with the songs that most defined you that week (one from
my ex features songs from English Beat,Journey, Diedre McCalla, Berlin and Led Zeppelin
- you can't make this stuff up). Instead of ditching them, Cassettes2CDs.com will turn them
into CDs or MP3 files and the cool two-geeks-and-a-dog operation will do it fast and cheap.
Viva la mix tape! Bonus: they do VHS and LPs, too. ($12 and up, cassettes2cds.com)
C
n
'1n
If you've got boxes of old photographs and computer files of new digital ones, it's time to get
organized. At Blurb.com, you can create your own bookstore-quality photo book that'll look
so good your friends will think you've been published. This woman-run company offers free
software for Mac or PC that lets you build your own hardcover book in hours and have it
delivered within a week. ($30, blurb.com)
68
Icurve
VictoriaA. Brownworth Politics
The Passion of the Lesbos
Are our politics getting in the way of our sex lives?
T
he midst of winter and the approach of Valentine's
ships.Thar's when politics tend to subsume emotion. How
promiscuity. Most importantly, we still have lesbian
desire. But what is that desire in the 21st century?
How does now differ from then? We have better
sex toys, and we're more open about sex. But do we
verylesbian feminist of me.
have more passion?
We all know the tired jokes about what a lesbian brings
cothe second date (in case you've been held hostage in a nunnery: a U-Haul). We have heard ad nauseum about lesbian
Reading all this lesbian prose from the era of
my grandmothers, I was struck by their passion. In
1935, Wilhelm portrayed lesbian passion and the
compelling nature of lesbian desire in ways I rarely
see in 21st-century lesbian fiction. One falls into
Day always lead me to thoughts of cuddling. Thoughts
of cuddling lead me to think about women. And relation-
bed death, serial monogamy, Boston marriages - the realm
of the lesbian relationship hasn't changed much in the past
100years or so. Or has it?
I recently completed compiling a collection titled The
Golden Age of Lesbian Erotica: 1920s-1940s. As Freud
and Havelock Ellis were having their way with terms like
"penis envy" and "inversion," lesbian sexuality was forced
out of the Boston marriage and into the demi-monde.
No more "sweet hour of hand in hand:' Suddenly, it was
a truly bad thing to have a particular friendship. It was,
as proclaimed by Martha in Lillian Hellman's taboobreaking play The Children's Hour, "unnatural:'
Once deemed unnatural, it was difficult to liftthe veil,let
alonethe skirt. The search for lesbian erotica of the period was a veritable archeologicaldig. Post-Victorian naughty maids and pre-postwar pulp, it seemed as if
lesbiansexuality had gone into a cicada-like hibernation for severaldecades.
Bue not entirely. What I and my co-editor, former CURVE film editor
Judith Redding, unearthed was a strange mix of the delicately encoded and
the deliciously lewd. Between Redding's expertise in rare books and my own
in history, we were bound to find something that signaled women were still
having sex together post-Freud and enjoying it as much as they had before.
One of the subtlest yet strongly erotic writings we found were Sapphic
poems by a man, Pierre Louys. These provocative verses were all about
women together, not in a Playboy man-in-the-shadows kind of way, but in
a truly female kind of way. I absolutely love those poems, as did a host of
lesbian copiers, including Renee Vivien and Natalie Barney.
Then there was Gale Wilhelm. In the early days of Naiad Press, there were
the reprints from the archeological digs of the co-founders: Barbara Grier, a former editor of The Ladder, and her partner of nearly 35 years, Donna McBride.
Librarians by trade and archivists by avocation, Grier and McBride found,
translated, reprinted and rereleased a plethora of books by previously unknown
lesbian writers, among them Wilhelm.
Readers might not immediately glean the intense sexuality in Wilhelm's
work, but it was written in the 1930s. Not only is the writing superb, but the
sexual intrigues of the women characters - with men and with other women
- are pretty racy, given the mores of the times. Granted, much of the actual
sex happens off the page, but there's no mistaking it when Madeline lures Jan
back into a sexual liaison after Jan has dumped her for another woman in We
Too Are Drifting. The characters may loathe themselves for their desire, but
there it is. Desire. Lesbian desire. In 1935.
Certainly, lesbian relationships have not altered much since the 1920s. We
still have butch and femme couples, still have parents wanting their girls to at
least try to settle down to a normal life. We still have sexless couplings as well as
her prose, in part because of her unique style (no
quotation marks) which makes everything intensely
immediate. Her characters are strong, complicated,
beautiful, dynamic women with careers and motivations and things they want to achieve, including
having another woman to love and bed.
Several trips to the Lesbian Herstory Archives
led to the discovery of lyrics by Gladys Bentley, an
African-American singer and "bulldagger" who
sang of tearing off the clothes of her girlfriend and
doing it in the parlor when they got home. In the
1920s. See what I mean about the passion? Makes Amy Ray and Ani DiFranco
look a little less, well, cutting edge, when Bentley belted out those tunes just a
blink after women got the vote.
So what's the point? That despite the invention of a better dildo and watersoluble lube, we don't have as much passion as the gals of yesteryear who had to
hide so much of their lives?Should we be nostalgic for the closet?
No. However - and it's a big however - there is a lot to be said for passion, particularly lesbian passion. And we just don't seem to have enough of
sort.
it. Not of the Gladys Bentley tearing-Mary's-clothes-off-in-the-parlor
We've come full circle on the Freud thing, uncovered the G spot, debunked
the vaginal orgasm and dealt with penis envy pretty nicely. We've averted
inversion. We have the freedom to be passionate. So why aren't we more so?
I have a friend from a small town in a large African country. He says we
have too many choices in America, and it's made us unappreciative. It is true, of
course. If you can go to the Quik-E-Mart and get everything from 50 flavors of
ice cream to condoms and a new girl, well, perhaps there are too many choices.
Is passion deflected by too many choices? The L Word and Sex and the
City suggest it is because we cannot hold onto love, and without love there's
no true passion and, well, you get the picture.
I don't want to go back to a time before good condoms and K-Y. I don't want
to go back to the era of the de rigeur closet. But I do want passion. I do want
cuddling in a snowstorm and flowers on Valentine's Day and to still be having sex
with the woman I love when most of my movable parts have already quit working. I want the kind of passion in the poems by Louys and the novels of Wilhelm:
electric,fully charged, 100 mph in a 30 mph zone passion.
So while the nights are still quite long, passion might be the thing to discover anew, and while you are doing so, rediscover the writings of women who
had to struggle to find a milieu for their passions.
Passion equals risk as does everything worth having. That's the message I got
from those gals of the 1920s through the 1940s. And what a message it was. ■
January/February
2007
I
69
Dyke Drama
Michele Fisher
Heart-Shaped Boxes
One dyke deciphers the dying art of romance.
W
riting a love letter with candy conv~rsati~n hearts
seemed like a wonderfully romantic holiday ges-
ture. You'd think it would be easy to write a sappy poem
with those blasted tiny confection hearts, but have you
ever really read what they say? "Hot Stuff,' 'Tm Yours"
and "Be Mine:' Not exactly quality writer's stock. After
three frustrating days of arranging those little sugar lozenges on red construction paper, all I had was "It's Love;'
"Awesome;' 'i\ngel;' 'i\11Mine:' Too much alliteration, and
possessive in an '80s sort of way.
Then I tried using the blank side of the candy hearts
and write my own messages on them. A ballpoint doesn't
write so well on candy, and the felt tips I tried just made
red blotches, leaving me with a pile of bleeding hearts.
I once watched a guy at Fisherman's Wharf etch landscapes on a single grain of rice. I bet he could have put a
whole novel on a friggin' candy heart, but I couldn't even
get"Hi" on one of them.
My unfinished efforts lay hidden under my dresser for
days until they became landing strips and feeding grounds
for the local bug life. As I lowered my insect-attracting
failures into a plastic bag and sealed them with a twist tie,
I vowed to find a better way to celebrate Feb. 14.
This Valentine's Day was going to be special. For one
thing, I wasn't going to tell a woman I loved her only to
have her laugh and tell me she had just decided that day
to confess her love to another woman who just happened
to be the biggest asshole on the planet. She apologized for
laughing, but then explained that the irony was just too
overwhelming. Yes, wasn't it just?
I was fine after a little drinking binge that ended
around Easter.
This year, I have a valentine. Not a gal who gets paid by
the hour to keep me company, not a fellow lonely heart lesbian who helps me take the sting out of the day by watching horror movies where
young lovers get killed by maniacs with me - but a real girl who loves me.
And although we have been together for a few years now, it is still hard for
me to believe that those awful Valentine's Days are behind me for good.
This year is going to be the year that I come up with something memorable
and exceptional.
and all things romantic associated with the day.
We have Emperor Claudius II to thank for this so-called holiday. In the
third century, he didn't want his soldiers distracted by girls and marriage, so he
much to the delight of a few soldiers, I
am sure. St. Valentine was a Catholic priest who performed secret marriages
for soldiers and their brides and was captured and ultimately put to death for
disobeying the emperor's anti-nuptial clause.
Another legend claims that St. Valentine was a young Roman martyred
when Emperor Claudius II put him to death on Feb. 14, 270, for refusing to
give up Christianity.
70
I curve
Valentine managed to convert his jailer's entire family to Christianity. Oh, and
he also fell in love with the jailer's blind daughter -
apparently, bringing your
blind daughter to work with you in a prison was perfectly acceptable in those
days - and cured her blindness, but alas was still put to death. Wow, if curing
I went to the library to do a little research and learn about Valentine's Day
made it illegal for soldiers to marry -
Others swear Valentine was a man who assisted persecuted Christians
and was jailed for his efforts by Claudius' henchmen. But before being killed,
the warden's daughter won't get you paroled, I guess nothing would. He supposedly signed his last letter to his newly sighted beloved, "From your Valentine:'
Obviously the various legends of St. Valentine, whomever the poor ba5tard
was, were too depressing to include in my own Feb. 14 festivities.
Perhaps Cupid's story would prove inspirational.
Turns out Cupid wasn't always a chubby little baby; he was a hunky Roman
god of love for centuries. He was the proud son of Venus, goddess of loveand
beauty, whose invisible arrows would make his victims fall in love when they
hit their mark.
Along came that incredibly unswinging period we call the Victorian era,
and proper folks didn't think it proper for a scantily clad Roman hunk to swoop
down on women -
and men -
so they turned the mischievous Adonis into a
sharpshooting cherub.
I think if I were a fag rather than a dyke, Valentine'sDay would be my favorite
holiday,as its lore is chock-full of male homoeroticism. I could dress up like a
lonelyand horny Roman soldier, or I could wear a silverSpeedo and wait with my
quiverfor my boyfriend to come home so I could shoot him with my love arrow.
But what's a dyke to do about this upcoming holiday? I turned to the world
forhelp.
Valentine's Day is celebrated in Denmark, Italy, Korea, Spain, Japan,
Australia and lots of other places. Candy, flowers and promises of endless love
seem to be the most popular ways to say, "Be my valentine;' no matter what
languageyou speak.
The old French custom of"drawing for" a mate caught my interest.
Men and women would gather in an appointed place on Feb. 14, men on
one side and women on the other. They would yell to each other from across
some distance and pair off with somebody they had "hollered at:' If at the first
meetingthe male was disappointed with the face that the voice came out of, he
simplyabandoned his sweetheart right then and there. Later in the evening, all
of the women who had been abandoned would gather and make a bonfire to
burn drawings of their bad suitors and talk trash about them.
All a girl would need to get lucky in that crowd would be a stick, a bag of
marshmallows and a shoulder to cry on. But don't bother buying a plane ticket
to Paris; the custom was outlawed by the French government because it fostered nastiness and malice. What kind of a government wants to curb evil?No
wonder they aren't a world power any more.
I studied history and geography, and still I was at a loss as to how to make
_
___
Pirates and Wenches continued fr_om---=:p_a.:::.ge_6_2
ir' v·
I i= t.ort
High fetish on the high seas abounds in Ileana
Pletrobruno's iibercampy Girl King. For anyone who happened to miss Geena Davis as a
swashbuckling lass in the thoroughly enjoyable
Hollywood bomb Cutthroat Island, Pletrobruno
servesup a fantasy film replete with high boots and
leather dildos. All that's missing is a wooden leg.
The queen, who lost her ability to orgasm when
the king made off with her "coilus;' needs a baby
Feb. 14 a stellar day for my girl and me.
Maybe I was on the right track with the handmade valentine as long as I
stayed away from candy as a medium. I read about these things called love knots
that seemed like a cool and unique way to say,"I love you:' The winding loops
either made of string or ribbon have no beginning and no end, just like eternal
love.The only string I could find was on our tampons, so I opted for the ribbon.
There is a reason I wore loafers from kindergarten to college.I am not good at
tying knots. I wasted a whole roll of Christmas ribbon before admitting defeat.
Then I stumbled upon the idea of a rebus valentine while watching old
game show reruns on cable. A rebus is a puzzle that is made up of words and
pictures where the pictures represent a word or phrase. For example, a picture
of a human eye would be a substitute for the word 'T' in a rebus. That idea
seemed interesting for all of one minute. Then I began to visualize all of the
stupid I Heart Whatever bumper stickers I have seen in my life and decided
that my idea could best be depicted by a steaming brown pile.
Getting to the "heart" of the matter was my first glimpse at success. As I
was desperately pecking at my keyboard for news I could use on this holiday, I
found out that the traditionally accepted and oft-depicted "heart" shape looks
nothing like the human heart. It kinda looks like a cow's heart, and apparently it
does resemble a turtle's heart, but it is unlikely that the traditional heart symbol
was based on either animal's heart. There are many theories about where the
heart shape originated, but my favorite is the one that asserts that the shape
is considered to depict features of the human female body such as the vulva,
breasts and buttocks.
And with that thought, I finally knew what I was going to do for Valentine's
Day. I just hope she won't mind getting the same old thing she got last year. ■
Powerful Lesbians continued from page 31
Other Licks continued from page 67
last year, a true lesbian historic sanctuary was almost destroyed. Camp Sister Spirit, the feminist
education-retreat center in Ovett, Miss., took a
(self-released):
It's a tad unclearfromtheirlyricswhethertheir love
affairis strictlymusical,butthere'sno uncertainty
aboutJessieMurphyandJamieStellini'sshimmeringindie-popmelodiesandcatchyhookson
this debutrelease.I simplycan'tstoplistening!
com/theloveinspace)
(myspace.
hard hit, sustaining structural damage and the
loss of hundreds of trees. But founders Brenda
and Wanda Henson say this too shall pass.
Their fortitude has been built over other
hard times. Just after the retreat opened in 1993,
Brenda Henson says, hate crimes began.
"Dead animals in the drive, an acetylene gas
butch virgin to retrieve her buried treasure. To
the queen's delight, the infamous Captain Candy
returns from a voyage with a boi cutie and a sexy
bomb set off on the road near the camp, I was
chased and nearly run off the road by skinheads,
Wanda nearly run off the road, a militia formed
femme in tow. Baby Butch vows to remain a virgin
in order to save the queen's "coilus;' but Butch is
in love with his femme friend. When the friend
nearby, hate messages in the local newspaper, hate
disappears and a hot top turns up - looking
alarmingly like the apple of Butch's eye - aboard
Captain Candy's ship, Butch finds himself wanting
to submit to the enigmatic top. And when Captain
Candy, an avowed "man;' finds himself attracted
to a real femme with a real penis, well, everyone's
world blows apart. The film challenges restrictions
imposed by labeling. Throw in some chains and
some real bootlicking and Girl King makes for a
mail with death threats;' she says.
Still, the two stayed and became leading local
community volunteers, Camp Sister Spirit flourished, and when Katrina hit last year, the neighbors banded together to help each other. The fact
chat the Hensons were two married women no
longer mattered. And regardless of the past or the
current damage, the Hensons wouldn't think of
moving the retreat to another state.
"Don't you think there are enough in San
Francisco?" Brenda Henson says. ■
(Accidental
Poet):Anotherbeautifulalbumof singer-songwriter
lesbian
acousticpopfromthe NewEngland-based
favorite,thistime herworkis a littledarkerand
moodierwith lyricalthemesof loveandpassion.
(ediecarey.com)
(RetardDisco):
is dead?Former
Whosaysthe riotgrrl movement
AllisonWolfeleadsthistrio
frontwoman
Bratmobile
of badasswomenon a whirlwindof feminist,politi(partylinedc.com)
cal punkrockshout-alongs.
(Verve
collective
Thisfive-pieceblues-roots
Forecast):
fromNewYorkservesup a delicioussophomore
folk andgospelinfluences,
set,heavyon bluegrass,
anchoredbythevocalsofAmyHelmandFiona
McBain.(ollabelle.neV-MC
laugh-out-loud, titillating party.■
January/February
2007
I 71
Strange Bedfellows coi~tinued from page 4_3
__
a wife, it is the duty of the woman to submit
cheerfully:•
in the middle of the night, and I remember my
older sister getting me up to get dressed and it was
dark outside. My dad tried to hide us up in one of
the canyons, but then he realized we couldn't stay
there forever. He decided to go home and take the
be like the government giving a stamp of approval;' Prunty said. "That would make it harder for
women to leave:•
polygamy from same-sex marriage may also be a feminist issue. Considering
the abuses that she reports, Prunty finds it almost
unbelievable that feminists would support legal-
rap:' Kelsch's father spent four years in prison for
bigamy after what became known as the Short
Batchelor counters that the abuses that do
exist would decrease if polygamy were out in the
open. Erickson thinks there's no point. In her
opinion, the abuse is so entrenched that nothing
izing polygamy. Even more ironic for the lesbian
community are the homophobic views of fundamentalist polygamists, she says.
Creek Raids.
Kelsch's story highlights one of the stickiest
and most complex features of polygamy: polyga-
will change it. "You can't get these men to stop.
They love it too much;' Erickson says.
As the debate rages in these tidy suburban
"It's strange that they [polygamists] are aligning themselves with gays, since they think they
are evil. We're talking Old Testament, Sodom and
Gomorrah stuff here. There is a lot of gay bashing
mist wives commonly have 10 or more children,
children who would have to be removed from their
homes, one thing is clear: polygamists now fight
for a new definition of marriage by getting into bed
with same-sex marriage advocates. The question
Separating
that goes on;' Prunty says.
Gays and lesbians have no place in polygamist society, Prunty says, so much so that she had
never heard of homosexual people in any of the
polygamist communities. "I think they would be
so afraid to talk about that, that they wouldn't:'
In a rare agreement, Batchelor expresses the
same sentiment. "In general, homosexuality is
not religiously embraced
Mormons]:'
[by fundamentalist
Linda Kelsch was 3 years old when they came
for her father. "The hard part was when the raid
happened in '53;' she recalls. "My parents got up
How to Meet a Girl continued from pa_g_e_4_1
____
_
have not done their homework. You must be in
a good place emotionally; you must feel like you
look good; and you must believe that even if you
don't meet anyone that night, you are still going
to have a great time. Even if you go on a string of
bad dates - or worse, a string of mediocre ones
- perseverance will bring a time when you are sitting across from someone at dinner and it feels like
everything, at last, is going right.
For me, it happened a couple of months after my
re-entry into dating. I met her at a friend's party,
and all that night it felt like we were circling each
other. We would talk to each other, and then part
ways for a while. I would flirt with her; she would
compliment me. I remembered how much fun it
was to begin this dance.
We went out to dinner a few nights later on
a chilly, drizzling winter evening, and I can't remember a single thing we talked about. I ordered
a salad because I didn't have an appetite. We only
watched the first 20 minutes of the movie we
rented, but I now have very fond memories of it,
even though I can't remember the tide.
Later that night when she drove me home, we
kissed each other good night, and I said, "Thank
you for dinner:'
"Thank you;' she said, "for saying yes:·
And I realized that, for me, that's all there is to
this: Learn how to say yes. ■
72 I curve
families if authorities cracked down on polygamy
as a crime itself. And if authorities do not intend
to prosecute polygamy, should it remain illegal:'
Like homosexuality, polygamy also engages
age-old questions of personal freedom. Shouldn't
people be able to marry whoever they want:' Isn't
this an individual choice:'
Prunty agrees with that assertion, but says it
doesn't apply to polygamy. Advances in gay rights
have come about largely because many believe
remains, how should gay rights advocates respond:'
For her part, Moore-Emmett hopes that gays
and lesbians will see that there is no big love in
real-life polygamy. "These women, girls and boys
[in polygamy] are your brothers and sisters. Your
little sister right here in Utah is not getting an
education. Your grown sister is not allowed to
vote because polygamists say what right does a
woman have to vote:' We went through suffrage,
that homosexuality is biologically based and creates no harm. In contrast, opponents of polygamy
believe it is part of a patriarchal religious system
that systematically abuses women. To legalize
happening right here:• ■
this system would be to normalize it. "It would
*Name changed
and this is what is still happening to our sisters
right here:' We point fingers at Afghanistan for
keeping women and girls out of school. Well, it's
Fat Chicks continued from page 45
Friends continued from page 49
reveling in her sexuality is very hot. The roundness and curves can be very female and luscious.
Shy or afraid of rejection, most of us are cautious
about initiating new friendships. It's safer to wait for
The feeling of abundance, of strength is what attracts me."
the other woman to call us. But what if she's waiting,
too:' We need to put our fear of rejection aside and
But, O'Brien says, "There's a certain sense of
fatties-deserve-each-other attitude I get sometimes,
as if I pursue fat women because I can't do any bet-
start taking risks by pulling out those phone numbers we'vecollected and making that first phone call
to invite someone to join us for dinner.
ter' rather than genuinely being attracted. However,
I find a lot of support, online from [NOLOSE's]
The first step in establishing and maintaining a
good relationship with a friend is to have one with
ourselves. If we are comfortable with who we are,
LiveJournal; books and zines like Fat?So!,Fat Girl
and Size Queen were lifesavers, especially in the
pre- Internet days. Fat Girl [the zine for fat dykes
and the women who want them] was informative
for me when I was first really exploring my attraction to fat women 10 to 12 years ago. I also go to
queer /bi, polyamorous, political events and places
really anywhere that's not mainstream - to find
-
fat friends and infatuations. I am very open about
my preference. I compliment, admire and flirt with
fat women publicly - actually,I'm pretty aggressive
about pursuing women I find attractive:'
McCauley's wish:' "I would like people to take
a closer look at their biases and the meanness that
our culture aims at fat people .... Our culture is
obsessed with body image issues, mostly relating
to size. It is a disease that needs to be healed:'
"It's an act of solidarity and pro-fat, too, to value
fat women as lovers;• O'Brien declares. "My best
advice: if you're attracted to a fat girl, go get her!" ■
we are more appealing to others.
It is more important to be interested than interesting. An e-mail that has been going around says
quite aptly,"others may not remember exactly what
you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel:' Often friends
just need to vent, so we need to sharpen our listening skills. And never pass up an opportunity to say a
kind word. Being kind is more important than being
right. I know someone who keeps a notebook of her
friends' birthdays, favorite colors, things they collect,
etc. She remembers to call if someone is taking a test
and to inquire after an ailing parent. She might pick
up a trinket because she knows her friend will love
it. These are small gestures, but they go a long way
toward making a person feel appreciated and loved.
As one woman said,"IfI had to choose between
my dearest friend and my current lover, my friend
would win hands down. A best friend is forever:' ■
THE
THELWORD:
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Berteand Tina are parents,
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DVD30092 $49.95
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January/February
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I 73
THEAGGRESSIVES
AIMEE& JAGUAR
AMOURDEFEMME
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APRIL'S
The documentary that
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African-American lesbians
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DVD 30019 $19.95
A dangerous love affair
blossoms between two
European women in the
darkest days of World
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DVD 27889 $29.95
When Jeanne meets a
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she must choose between
a happy fw1ily life and her
new attracnon.
DVD 27077 $ 26.99
A lesbian comedy about
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bridal shower. Crazy
guests, mini dramas and
lots of laughs.
DVD 30020 $19.95
BUTl'M A CHEERLEADER CHOREVOLUTION
OFTHEMOON
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A comedy of sexual disorientation! Being ex-gay has
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VHS 27340 $7.00
DVD 27341 $12.95
10th Anniversary
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Claire awakens to new
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Bisexual comic Margaret
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more of her no-holdsbarred humor.
DVD 27911 $21.95
BITTERTHAN
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Maggie meets the woman
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Is it a cowboy story, a
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Yes. This award-winning
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DVD 30007 $20.95
DOI LOVEYOU?
RELATIVE
EVERYTHING
FINGERSMITH
A British dyke cycles
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encounters friends and exlovers as her relationships
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Seven college friends
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Unforgettable lesbian
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DVD 27457 $29.95
From Sarah Waters, the
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DVD 27124 $29.95
Gypo
FIRE
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This controversial film
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DVD 27697 $29.95
Upstairs, lesbians consider
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Four DVDs of 32 of
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Love scenes sizzle in front
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74
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At the altar a bride falls in
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First love between teen
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When exes Bech and
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DVD 27076 $26.95
MEMORY
GOLDFISH
GYPO
A romantic comedy about
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A young Czech refugee
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IN THECITY
I WISHYOUWOULD
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(SOFT-CORE
Married Irene finds
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Five very different women
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A woman enrolls in a
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LATE
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Dyke comics Marga
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When married Annie
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Olympia has an openly
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This provocative work
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This exciting collection
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January/February
2007
I75
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l
Top Ten ReasonsWe Love Erin Ridle
Onstage she's known as mustachioed cowboy
Aaron Idahomo or retro, spectacled chanteuse
Gladys Mumford, but in real life Erin Ridle is a
badass white-water rafter and gender-bending
superhero. With hilarious stories that make her
life sound like one big performance art piece, it
was tough to pin down just 10 reasons why she
rocks, but we did our best. - Catherine Plato
identifyas queer
"I don't identifyas a lesbian;I definitely
or sometimesas a dyke.Honestlysometimeswhen I
tellpeople,when I'm makingsomethingpalatablefor
them,when I say I'm a lesbian,I stutteron it."
1. She'sjust one of the Bois.Ridle's a found-
4. Evenwhenshe'staken,she'snot.Ridle iden-
ing member of Boise, Idaho's original drag king
troupe, the Bois of Boise. She loves performing
both as a macho man and a high femme within
the same show. "That's what's really fun for me;'
she says. "I feel like my gender's so fluid; I like to
tifies as polyamorous, admitting that it can make
dating difficult sometimes in Boise. "(Polyamory J's
something that is not really existing in this town
very much right now:•
be able to express char:'
5. She'sa goodpersonto wanderdarkalleyswith.
2. Onstageor off, she bendsgenderlike a rockstar."I actually get more shit and people think I'm
male if I go out in high heels;' she says. "I was at
the bar, and I was like five feet from this person
who gets on his phone and he says, 'Oh my god,
there's a dude here dressed like a chick in a skirt:"
Quickly realizing she was the "dude" in question,
Ridle asked the caller who he was talking about.
"He got this look of terror, like this big huge chick
in a skirt was gonna kick his ass:•
and get miniature custom-made coffins for them
with Plexiglas lids:'
8. She'sgota greenthumband400winebottlesin
herlawn.Ridle's spending chis off-season working
"I think being a woman who's 6-foot-2, I don't get
messed with the way other people do:'
in a greenhouse and zeroscaping her front yard,
which is a method of planting rocks (or in Ridle's
case, wine bottles) to preserve water for plants trying to survive in the desert.
6. She'll definitelyget you wet. For nine years
9. She'sa buddingnovelist.Ridle has been work-
Ridle has spent summers working for her family
business as a river guide in Stanley, Idaho, working
on some of the fiercest rapids in the country.
ing on her book for a few years, with breaks in
between, and plans to finish it this winter. "It's a
dyke choose-your-own adventure;' she explains.
7. In the off-season,she worksin post-harvest 1O. Nobodyknowssockmonkeysbetter.While
Or at least chat's what she'll tell
management.
studying at Evergreen State College, Ridle trav-
3. Sheeschewsthe L-word."I don't identify as a
you if you're not from Idaho."Everybody in Idaho
works with potatoes, or so is the image if you don't
live in Idaho," explains Rid.le."So I've been telling
eled around the country teaching people the fine
art of sock monkey creation. She held workshops
in Seattle, Portland, Boise, San Francisco, Boston,
lesbian; I definitely identify as queer or sometimes
as a dyke;' says Ridle. "Honestly sometimes when I
tell people, when I'm making something palatable
for them, when I say I'm a lesbian, I stutter on ic:•
people that when they dig up potatoes and they
look like a poodle or a heart or a baby Jesus or
something, they eventually start to rot. When that
happens, they call me and I formaldehyde them
New York, and eventually England and Ireland.
''I've kind of retired from sock monkeys now;' she
says with a sigh. ■
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