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Description
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ToC Diagnosis: Distress by Jodi Helmer (p42); Baby Love by Catherine Plato (p46); 10 Powerful Lesbian Entrepreneurs by Jodi Helmer (p48); Bride Guide by Lesley Seacrist (p50); What Do Butches Wear to Weddings by Katia Hetter (p55); Queers With Shears by Dana Kaye (p58); Cover: Michelle Rodriguez Making Waves by Honie Stevens (p60); Pacific Paradise: California Dream Vacations (Mendocino, Tiburon, Lake Tahoe, West Hollywood) by Diane Anderson-Minshall (p34); Cover photo by Andrew MacPherson/Corbis Outline.
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Anniversary Issue
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issue
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4
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Date Issued
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May 2007
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PDF/A
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Frances Stevens
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Curve_Vol17_No4_June-2007_OCR_PDFa.pd
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extracted text
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Custody Battles
Still
Making
Waves
BRIDAL
GUIDE
rBRID6ESTOREi
outandallabout
Whateveryourstyle,takepridein who you are
andalwaysleavean impression.
Shownfrom left:Style& Co.andAlfani,both onlyat Macy's.
*
*macys
FranklySpeaking
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
Island Girls
VOLUME
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
17 NUMBER 4
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, California 94103
Phone 415-863-6538 Facsimile 415-863-1609
Advertising Sales 415-863-6538 ext. 10 or 212-446-6700
Subscription Inquiries 818-760-8983
Advertising E-mail advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial E-mail editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor E-mail letters@curvemag.com
We're celebrating our 17 years
in print - yes, we're now
probably older than some of
our youngest readers - with
a whole year of festivities, starstudded parties, groovy girl
gatherings and stops at gay
Pride tests across the country.
Publisher/Editor in Chief
Executive Editor
Associate Publisher
Associate Editor
Book Review Editor
Music Review Editor
Contributing Editors
Copy Chief
Proofreaders
Frances Stevens Publisher/Editor in Chief
think if I were going to be stranded on a tropical island, particularly a dangerous, unpredictable one
like that on Lost, I'd want the show's former cast member, Michelle Rodriguez, by my side. The girl
could probably fend off guerilla rebels, hand-build a tiki shanty and make dinner out of a ferocious
wild boar, all while I was still trying to figure out my new island address. Rodriguez first came to fame
and has gone on to become a TV and film star, as well
playing the pulchritudinous pugilist in Girl.fight
as constant fodder for the tabloids given her hard-charging ways and romantic dalliances. Even though
I
Art Director
Production Manager
Production Artist
Web Producer
Catalog Manager
Catalog Department
Advertising Sales
and how to get VIP access.
Rodriguez isn't the only exciting person in this issue, of course. Jodi Helmer introduces us to 10
powerful lesbian entrepreneurs, including the founder of one of the first LGBT-owned marketing
firms in the U.S., a vegan baker gaining national recognition, a Michigan couple who started a homebased coy company and a dyke who has worked with businesses across North America to establish
toner-recycling programs.
Just in time for Mother's Day, we spoke with the often controversial bisexual writer Rebecca Walker, who
dishes in her new book on her estranged mom (The ColorPurpleauthor Alice Walker), feminist misfires
and the joys of reproduction. She's sure to evoke strong reactions.
And lastly, our special wedding section this issue looks at several lesbian couples who've tied the knot.
Our family scrapbook offers up wedding stories, photos and advice on saying "I do" from women who
did - and loved it. Don't forget to tell us all about your story, too. We're all ears.
Julia Bloch, Victoria A.
Brownworth, Sheryl Kay,
Gretchen Lee, Sarah Warn
Laura K. Cucullu
Michelle Ma, Katherine H.
Nelson
Stefanie Liang
Ondine Kilker
Kelly Nuti, Amy Silverman
Nikki Woelk
Holly DeMaagd
Flo Enriquez,
Monier Ziaian
Diana L Berry,Joan Boccafola,
RivenclellMedia
Marketing & PR Manager
Marketing Coordinator
Marketing Representatives
Editorial Assistants
she's not interested in talking about her sex life - hey, some women like privacy - we're still thrilled to
have an interview with her in our 17th anniversary issue. The timingjust seems right.
That's right, don't let the lack of fanfare in this issue mislead you. We're celebrating our 17 years in
print - yes, we now are probably older than some of our youngest readers - with a whole year of
festivities, including star-studded parties in Los Angeles, Atlanta, Chicago and San Francisco (among
others), groovy girl gatherings like Girls in Wonderland in Orlando, Fla., and stops at gay Pride
festivals from Oregon to Washington, D.C. Watch for future issues, including our Pride Guide next
month, and the events section of curvemag.com for info on where we'll be, who'll be there with us,
Frances Stev~ns
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Sara Jane Keskula
Catherine Plato
Rachel Pepper
Margaret Coble
Bambi Weavil
Amanda Campa
Tammy Lam, Lindsey Taylor
Azania Baker, Asiana
Ponciano, Jaime Roca,
Lesley Seacrist
Contributing Writers Elizabeth A. Allen, Kathy Beige,
Stacy Bias, Carol Bryant, Gina Daggett, Michele
Fisher, Jodi Helmer, Katia Hetter, Dana Kaye, Kate
Lacey, Tammy Lam, Sheela Lambert, Gretchen Lee,
Char1ene Lichtenstein, Kar1ynLotney, Candace
Moore, Sara Schieron, Honie Stevens, Melany
Walters-Beck, Jocelyn Voo
Illustrators Phil Cho, Cielo Oreste, Katherine Streeter
Contributing Photographers Harry Bair, Paka Downs,
Anya Garrett, Kyle Gibson, Seth Grossman,
William Hanford Lee Jr., Rich Hanson, James
Hickey, Chris Holley, Rusty Jones, Mike Kepka,
Andrew Kercher, Brian Knopp, John Kopaloff, Jim
Lamb, Stephen Ludwig, Andrew MacPherson,
Melissa Manseau, Bill Morris, Sandra Ramirez,
Rick Reinhard, Nancy Rothstein, Meera Margaret
Singh, Randal Alan Smith, Marty Rose Springer,
Sam Throne, Jamie Trueblood, Sam Urquehart,
Christopher Voy, Kina Williams, Bill Wilson
Volume 17 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for
January and July) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc., 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510,
San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian
(I.J.S.funds only) and $71.95 international (I.J.S.funds only). Returned checks
will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid at san Francisco,
CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of CU!ve
Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph
of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may
not be taken as an indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or
group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited
manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be returned unless a
self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No responsibility is assumed for
loss or damages. The contents do not necessarily represent the opinions of
the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription
Inquiries: Please write to Curve, 1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510, San Francisco,
CA 94103, e-mail shop@curvema9.com, or call 818-760-8983. Canadian
Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster:Send Canadian address changes
Curve,PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON l2E 6S8. Send
to shop@curvemag.com,
Curve,POBox 17138, N. Hollywood,
U.S. addresschangesto shop@curvemag.com,
CA 91615-7138.Printedin the U.S.
A.
Keyword: Curvemag Web site: curvemag.com
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Features
"I've
alwaysfelt
that seeing
the world
through
a womancentered
lensis a
criticaltool
to have
in one's
toolbox,but
you need
othertools
to get an
accurate
and truly
holistic
view."
Rebecca Walker,
page 46
May 2007
42
Volume 17#4
Diagnosis: Distress Fibromyalgia moves out
of the closet - finally. By Jodi Helmer
46
Baby Love Author Rebecca Walker chats with
us about her new book, family ties and her latest
endeavor, motherhood. By Catherine Plato
48
10 Powerful Lesbian Entrepreneurs
60
34
A vegan
baker, marketing guru and a chick saving the planet,
one ink cartridge at a time. By Jodi Helmer
50
Bride Guide Real-life lesbian couples tell us
about their wedding days. By Lesley Seacrist
COVER: Michelle Rodriguez Making Waves
She's a Hollywood bad girl, known as much for her
private battles as for her on-screen work in films
like Girlfight and S. WA. T. Now she's our cover girl.
By Honie Stevens
Pacific Paradise: California Dream
Vacations Sure, we've all heard that San
Francisco's the gayest, greatest place ever. But if
you're planning a trip to the city by the bay and are
looking for some fun ways to escape the mayhem,
check out these four quick trips to nearby places
that are just as fun. By Diane Anderson-Minshall
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Cover photo by
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What Do Butches Wear to Weddings? One
Mendocino: Why the Inn at Schoolhouse Creek
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woman's betrothed skips Vera Wang in favor of
Little India. By Katia Hetter
makes one doggie's 10 Best Places to Play.
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Queers With Shears So you're going for a hot
dykey haircut, but how do you explain that to a
straight stylist without walking out in a completely
ironic early '90s mullet? You're better off checking
out a hip, lesbian-owned salon. By Dana Kaye
Tiburon: A sip and sleep package that will have
you drinking 65 types of wines.
Lake Tahoe: Go green in a resort or a rustic cabin.
West Hollywood: Feel like an L Word cast member
at some of California's hottest clubs and eateries.
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May 2007
"Nothingis sexier
thana woman
whotellsyouthat
sheis bad. Unless
it'sa womanwho
tellsyouthatshe
isverybad.You
can'tsavethe
devilfromhell,but
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page 30
4
Frankly Speaking Publisher and
founder Frances Stevens celebrates 17
years of CURVE.
10 Letters Janina Gavankar's got everyone
hot and bothered; our sex issue was
definitely hot, yet bothersome too.
12 Out in Front Dirty dancers and doggy
doctors are making waves this May.
26 Ask Fairy Butch Jonesin' for a romp
with an older woman? Fairy Butch says
go for it.
27 Lipstick & Dipstick What's the deal
with all the Internet dating? Our butchfemme advice crew weighs in.
28 Quiz: Are You Marriage Material?
Or are you better off sticking to the
. bachelorette parties?
14 Curvatures First there's love, then
29 Astro Grrl Happy birthday Bull dykes!
and visionary Heather MacAllister.
30 Dyke Drama Sometimes a bad girl just
16 Open Studio Painter Janet McKenzie's
Michelle Rodriguez can make it into a
single issue.
24 Scene Shots from the hottest girl parties
around the country.
69 Music Watch All Margaret Coble's
saying is give compilations a chance.
Plus, Otep Shamaya rocks our world.
72 In the Stacks Erotica icon Rachel
Kramer Busse! talks dirty to us, and
Rachel Pepper picks out May's
74 Tech Girl Say cheese! It's your big day.
feels so good, or so says Michele Fisher.
18 Lesbofile Let's see how many times
and tales of small-town lust have us
glued to the screen this month.
most fun fiction.
comes marriage, then foster care and
custody cases. Plus, a tribute to activist
controversial painting brings Jesus back
to the people. Hallelujah!
66 Sapphic Screen Crazy queer families
75 I Tried It It sounds crazy, but Stephanie
Schroeder finally learned how to breathe.
the question at all these days.
80 Top Ten Reasons We Love Carol
Steinel She can make us laugh, make
us sing and make us dinner. Plus, she
can use "stevedore" in a sentence.
64 Mothers Day Gifts Skip the
gardenia perfume (unless mom really i~
90 years old) and get her one of these
cool collectibles.
:::,
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32 Politics Hillary: do you love her or hate
her? Either way, Victoria Brown worth
thinks it's pretty cool to have a "her" in
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Letters
"Ijustwantedto sendmy appreciation
for makingthe
L Wordpartymemorable.JaninaGavankarwas such
a fantasticsport.Fora whileshe lookedlikePiedPiper
Papi;everywherePapiwenta lineof lesbiansand
photographers
followed.She neveronceappeared
annoyedor lostherfantasticsmile."
We Love Janina
As usual, I loved the new issue (Vol. 17, #2). You
guys get better each and every time. I think that
Janina is sexy as hell. My goodness, the lips on that
woman are mesmorizing!
Can you have a story on black actresses who
have played lesbians onscreen to get their perspective on things? Most specifically, from the show,
The Wire, you have the beautiful biracial Sonja
Sohn and Felicia Pearson.
- Tanya Ware, Chicago,fll.
Editor's Note: We adoreSonja, too. She gracedour
coverback in 2003 [Vol. 13#4]. To get that back
issuesee curvemag.com.Wea love to covermore
blackactorstoo. We'll get on that.
I loved the article on Janina Gavankar. I had no
idea she wasn't Latina. I was so convinced by her
talents, and I am Latina myself. Janina looks absolutely beautiful and does an amazing job portraying her character, Papi. Way to go Janina!
- Christy Heinrich, Rockvale,Tenn.
I just wanted to send my appreciation for making
the L Word party memorable. Janina Gavankar
was such a fantastic sport. For a while she looked
like Pied Piper Papi; everywhere Papi went a
line of lesbians and photographers followed. She
never once appeared annoyed or lost her fantastic
smile. Normally I wouldn't be part of the group of
followers, but I flew in from Boston for this event
and felt compelled to make the most of it. Margaret
Cho was sweet enough to sign autographs and even
allowed pictures. Thank you again for a great night
- Karen Bowles,via e-mail
Why You Shouldn'tCheat on a Writer
Thank you, Michele Fisher, for saying it all in your
Dyke Drama column ("Your Cheatin' Heart;'
Vol. 17, #2). You wrote the letter I have wanted
to write for years. I love the list of excuses you
101curve
covered you got them all. Thanks for
being so eloquent and right on! I know the right
person would never read it, but just having it all
said makes me feel better. Thanks!
- Anonymous, via e-mail
Femmes Fight Back
Thank you so much for having several references
to femme lesbians in your March issue (Vol. 17,
another LGBT event called Road Trip and, in the
summer, a Ladies 2000 event almost every month
- packed with beautiful ladies. Not to mention
the historic significance of Asbury Park and its
music scene, which is innovative as ever.
Consider coming down specifically in the
summer and enjoy all the wonderful events we ha
ve for lesbians. And I guarantee it will cost much
less to stay here for a few days then any other loca-
#2), including the article on the Atlanta Femme
Mafia. I find it so strange that femme girls actually
face quite a bit of discrimination within the lesbian
tions you named.
community. I am what my friends call "iiberfemme;'
and that is fine by me. I still have my skater clothes
and nose ring, but I am definitely feminine.
Who Wants to Be "Normal",Anyway?
When I came out, I was 18 and a freshman
in college, and I knew quite a few other girls that
were coming out around the same time. I noticed
a pattern: Come out. Cut hair. Remove girly
clothing and replace with baggy jeans and baseball
caps. It frustrated me that women felt pressured
to butch it up to "look gay:' In many places, most
lesbians are butch or androgynous, but that
shouldn't mean you have to change who you are to be
accepted. With all the discrimination we face as
lesbians, it's sad to find that there is discrimination
amongst ourselves. It's time we accept all kinds of
lesbians, not just the stereotype.
- Jay, Richmond, Va.
GreetingsFromthe Jersey Shore
I was reading through your travel guide (Vol. 17,
#2), and many of the places you described looked
beautiful and had a lesbian vibe to them; however,
they appeared rather costly. I think you're missing
a key place in your guide for lesbians and gays:
Asbury Park, N.J.
We are a mile in size and located along the
Jersey Shore. We have more gay bars and clubs
then any other city or town in New Jersey:
Paradise, Crusin, Georgies, Jimi's and The Circuit.
We put on a massive Pride festival in June,
- Amy Quinn, Asbury Park, NJ.
First, I want to applaud you for printing, back
to back, an article about fat dykes and an article
about women with facial hair ("Why Fat Chicks
Rock" and "My Lovely Bearded Lady;' Vol. 17,
#1). As a chubby woman with lots of body hair,
I have a wonderful community of friends and
lovers (mostly from the Michigan Womyn's Music
Festival, where I really learned to love these parts
of myself) who are fat, hairy, a combination of the
two, or just love women who are. So I am lucky.
However, I know that most women, queer or not,
do not have the support network I do around
either their fat or their body hair. We never see
ourselves reflected in any positive way in the
media, including the mainstream queer media. So
thank you very, very much.
However, there is one point with which I disagree and that I must address. In the beginning
of the article "My Lovely Bearded Lady;' Alison
Peters says her girlfriend has "excessive facial
hair due to a genetic condition called hirsutism,
defined as 'heavy, especially abnormal, growth of
hair' ... in women:'
Many gynecologists have commented on my
body hair, to the extent that I once got a hormone
test. My hormones are completely normal. And
yet I'm super hairy. I would go so far as to say that
high amounts of body hair are totally normal for
many, many women. Why don't we usually see
Letters
women with a lot of body hair? Because most
women spend hours every month, and hundreds
if not thousands of dollars, removing their body
hair! So we never get to see what the vast majority
of women's natural pattern of body hair looks like.
The very few women (mostly queer, I'd bet) who
do not remove their body hair are thus considered
"abnormal:' I heartily disagree.
Additionally, I believe part of this issue is ethnocentrism on the part of white, Anglo-Saxon
folks. Most of the women in my family are very
hairy; I come from Jewish, Eastern European
stock. Perhaps our standard of body hair, like our
standards of body size, are based on a model that
only fits women from some ethnic groups or with
certain ancestry.
I chink our analysis of the "normalcy" of
body hair (like that of fatness) really needs to be
re-examined. I am tired of doctors and others
thinking my body hair is a"condition'' when I honestly think the only difference between me and
most other women is that I don't shave, pluck,
wax, or laser most of my body hair.
And even if, statistically, my body hair isn't
"normal;' then so what? The bottom line is
learning to love yourself for who you are, and
finding other folks who feel the same.
- Amy Lesen, Brooklyn,N.Y.
Don't Take Our Advice
I was recently at Borders and was checking
out your January issue (Vol. 17, #l). I was a bit
insulted when I got to the piece on dating ("The
Dos and Don'ts of Lesbian Dating") that claimed
that if a girl lives with her parents she may not be
"relationship material:'
I live with my parents. I know several adults
who do, and not once would I consider any
of these people unemployed losers who are
milking their parents. We're struggling artists
and musicans and we hold down "real"jobs while
we do our art and music in our free time. I'm a
painter, well educated, I volunteer, and work two
part time jobs. Neither job offers benefits so I pay
for them, with my own money. This past year I
had thyroid cancer and spent over $4,000 in
medical bills, including paying for inferior health
insurance that didn't cover half of my treatment
or surgeries that my doctors deemed necessary.
Rhode Island doesn't offer health insurance for
people in my tax bracket unless you have children,
which I don't. The state's idea of affordable artist
housing is ludicrous - the housing is for people
who make $25,000 a year.
How dare you tell your readership that I am
someone who might not "be ready for a relationship:' I am plenty ready, how do you know
anything about me? I have a hard enough time
meeting women. I don't need help scaring women
off; the cancer did a fine job with that.
- Melanie Lynn, via e-mail
Editor's Note: Melanie, I'm so sorry to hear about
your healthproblemsanq even sorrierto offend
you. Our tongue-in-cheekadvicewas aimed more at
30-year-oldswho still need mom to do their laundry
while theyplay videogames and pursue theirfourth
bachelordegree.You made a very validpoint.
Got Something on Your Mind?
E-mail letters@curvemag.com; write to CURVE
Letters, 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco,
CA 94103; fax to 415-863-1609. Please include
your name, city and state. Letters may be edited
for clarity and length.
Corrections
Rachael Smith is the founder and Mafia Donna,
not prima donna, of the Atlanta Femme Mafia,
featured in our March issue (Vol. 17, #2). Phase
1, in Washington, D.C., is one of the country's
oldest lesbian bars but not an African-American
bar ("A Lesbian on Capitol Hill, Vol. 17, #2).
Nob Hill is D.C:s oldest African-American gay
and lesbian bar. CuRvE regrets the errors. ■
May 2007
I 11
Dog's Best Friend
Lusty Lady
Mama Bair
The footage of barking, displaced dogs atop
almost completely submerged homes was one
It's hard to look at LoriMichaels,
the self,billed
Dyke Diva, and not think of T and A. But
there's way more than meets the eye: She not
Many know MarciBairas the executive direc,
tor for Family Matters, which according to
Bair, is the world's largest LGBT parenting
only headlines the extraordinarily hot Me &
the Girls dance and singing group, but is also
the founder and president of Reach Out, Inc.
group. She's also president of a San Diego
financial planning and employee benefits firm.
of the hardest things for most animal lovers
to see in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
When veterinarian Dr.LisaHartfelt the
anguish, she jumped in her car and drove from
Ohio to New Orleans to help.
Finding dozens and dozens of displaced
dogs and cats, many suffering from heartwonh,
malnutrition and other ailments, Hart per,
formed on,site emergency care and arranged
transportation back to Ohio for animals need,
ing further treatment. Some were eventually
claimed by owners, while others were adopted.
"I thought that if we could help the pets of
the people who had to leave their homes, this
would make those people rest a little easier;'
Hart says. "I would do it all over again wher,
ever I was needed:'
In doing so, Hart would be leaving behind
her three veterinary clinics: an emergency
hospital, where she is on call at all hours, and
two full,service, specifically low,cost treat,
ment centers.
She also performs many voluntary services,
including providing pro bono work for Happy
Tails Cat Sanctuary, Bully Breed Rescue, PAWS,
Brooklyn Animal Shelter and the South Euclid
Humane Society, and she offers routine, low,cost
and emergency care for police dogs.
Being an out lesbian, she says, hasn't
affected her career, or the outstanding rapport
with her clients and their owners, in any way.
"I never make it an issue, and I don't even
think about it;' she says. - Sheryl Kay
Are you or do you know of a woman
on the frontlinesof activism?
Write us at lettersOcurvemag.com.
12
Icurve
Michaels started the nonprofit when she
was only in high school, having met with
great success when she organized a one,time
entertainment event geared toward bringing
students and community closer. Now, almost
20 years later, the organization has grown
into a far,reaching entertainment venue that
delivers motivational speaking engagements,
customized prevention programs, and health
and fitness presentations to thousands of
students along the East Coast. She and the
other Reach Out performers work on a
volunteer basis.
"I have performed out against drugs,
crime, violence, prejudice, and I am so freakin'
happy to do what I love, love what I do, and
do what I can to make things better out there;'
the former pre,law student says.
~en
Michaels hits the stage with her
dancers in her adults,only Me & the Girls
review, you won't want to miss the show. In
women's events from Key West to P,town
and numerous Pride Fests in between, this
diva and her stunning dancers have brought
new meaning to high,energy, exotic, erotic
and professional lesbian entertainment, sing,
ing and dancing in an explosion of driving
music and sensual fluid motions. Whether
she's onstage with one or four other dancers,
Michaels and her girls will grab your atten,
tion and hold you right at the edge of your
seat until the very last beat. Learn more about
Michaels and Reach Out at lorimichaels
productions.com - Sheryl Kay
And that's only the beginning.
An active member of almost a dozen busi,
ness and LGBT community groups, including
the Business Networking Group, the Financial
Planning Association, the San Diego LGBT
Leadership Council, the South Bay Alliance and
the California Family Unity Network, she never,
theless manages to find time to sit on the YMCA
Parent Advisory Council while also coaching her
two sons in half a dozen sports.
"I am involved with so many activities, [so)
I really wanted to invest in an organization
that directly supports my family and other gay,
headed families like mine;' says Bair.
With San Diego experiencing what Bair
calls a "Gayby Boom;' families are in need of
support and education. The group offers a
host of activities including social events and
educational workshops, all geared toward the
unique and not,so,unique issues that arise in
LGBT households.
Bair has particular concern for those states
that don't allow gay parents to adopt or be
foster parents.
"There are so many people that are fearful
of our families;' Bair says. "But the fact is that
there are more than 588,000 kids in foster
care and more than 110,000 that are ready to
be adopted, and the older they get the harder
it is for them to become adopted. It is really
frustrating seeing all of these kids that need
us, and these people would rather have these
kids grow up in orphanages instead of in a
loving family that happens to have gay parents:'
-Shery/Kay
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MIAMIANDBEACHES.COM or call 1-888-76-MIAMI
Four of Miami's most popular and renowned annual celebrations
highlight a noteworthy calendar of events, attracting visitors
from across the country and around the world,
For a complete
Additional
list of Miami events, visit FestivalSeason,com
information
can be found at GoGayMiami,com
• Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival (4/27/2007 - 5/6/2007)
• Aqua Girl (5/10/2007 - 5/14/2007)
• White Party (11/21/2007- 11/27/2007)
• Winter Party Festival (March 2008)
Curvatures
Seduce Us, Dahlia
Oh, Dahlia! From her saucy electro-pop beats and her spicy Berlin electronica cabaret to her tastefully steamy "Late Afternoon" photographs (viewable on her Web site,
thisisdahlia.com), the multitalented Dahlia Schweitzer has left few erotic artforms
Funny Girls
Howrefreshing
wasit to
haveEllenDeGeneres
hosttheAcademy
Awards?I enjoyedthe
three-plushoursof her
goofyjokesandadorable
demeanor,
notto mentionhercutebutt.If you
lovefemalecomedians
likeEllen,don'tmissthe
9thAnnualFunnyGirlz:A
Smorgasbord
of Women
Comedians
on May19.
Ninediversewomen,
gayandstraight,join
in celebrating
stand-up
comedythatonlyfunny
femalescanprovide.
untouched. Check one more off the list: In-bed audiences are now feverishly gripping
onto her new book SeduceMe. Schweitzer, a veritable jack-of-all-sexy-trades, says, "I
created this alternate identity through which I could follow through all these curiosities that I had that I didn't know how to integrate into my'real' life:' Originally published in German, Seduce Me's storyline promises a plethora of hot lesbians. "Every
scene has one;' she claims. "They are based on personal experiences, but I won't divulge where or how:' Fair enough.
As for Schweitzer's inner rumblings: 'Tm bisexual, which I know some people think
would make my life easier, but it makes it more complicated, in a way. I act and feel
differently with men than I do with women, and I'm not sure which is more right or
more 'real: I swing back and forth, never really certain of what's best for me. I definitely
connect more with women but like the aggression inherent in men. Eventually, hope-
fully,I'll find one person who brings it all together:' Dahlia, please keep your alter egos
coming. - Jaime Roca
Your Car Is Totally Gay
For nearly two years,
Gaywheels.com has been navigating the
Boratstar
automotive
world
off
its
straight and narrow path to a rainbowLuenellbringshervast
licous
destination.
This
sleek
Web site targets LGBT consumcomedicexperience
ers,
and
offers
those
interested
in purchasing a new car (or just
fromLaugh-A-Palooza
drooling
over
someone
else's
andComicViewto
chassis)
a plethora of resources
this
one-nightevent.Also such as car reviews, calculated payment plans, pricing from
laughingit upwill be local dealers nationwide and car insurance quotes.
lesbiancomicandcop
While working in the automotive industry, Gaywheels
AmyBoyd,described
as founder Joe LaMuraglia realized the lack of car companies
that
"thelesbianJim Carrey."
offer their employees domestic partner benefits, at a time when
SherryGlaser,
author
queer consumers were already voting with their pocketbooks.
of OhMy Goddess!
and
This untapped market sparked the idea for Gaywheels.com, a
Adventures
of Super
ActivistMotherwill also consumer Web site that would not only provide potential buybeperforming.
Andyou ers with essential info on the latest cars (like most online autowon'twantto missLisa motive ventures), but also the politics and policies of the comGedulig,
whocreated panies who manufacture them.. A rainbow illuminated
andproduced
Funny car logo indicates whether or not a company proGirlzafterrealizinghow vides all its employees, regardless of where they
littletimewomen work and live, with domestic partner benefits.
comedians
geton
"The gay auto consumer wanted
thestage.Formore something
in their voice that provided
information,
checkout
relevant and actionable information;'
koshercomedy.com.
LaMuraglia said.
-Azania Baker
According to Gaywheels.com, there
are currently 34 gay-friendly car brands,
incuding Audi, Bentley and Nissan, but
12 popular manufacturers, including
Honda, remain non-friendly. In January,
BMW of North America achieved
the Gaywheels.com rainbow stamp of
approval after making their company
14
I
curve
policy gay-friendlier.
LaMuraglia says that the site is sleek enough and political
enough to speak to lesbian and gay consumers, but it also acts
as a professional medium for the auto companies to target the
LGBT market. Besides promoting responsible consumerism,
Gaywheels.com also publishes car reviews, which are witty and
informative, not jargon-driven or testosterone-saturated. The
site also has driver blogs and profiles of queer car enthusiasts.
And while its reviewers are currently largely male, LaMuraglia
is hoping to change that by recruiting and partnering with more
lesbian writers and queer girl organizations.
Despite the fact that Gaywheels bears a rainbow shroud,
LaMuraglia says the site is comprehensive and useful for anyone looking to make an automotive purchase: "Interestingly,
the last time I surveyed my users, 20 percent were straight:'
- Asiana Ponciano
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Gay Kingdom
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A Kingdom of
One's Own
We have exciting news for your favorite gay boy. Tell him he can
take down the Prince William poster from his mind's bedroom wall.
Besides, he is too good for just a prince. He deserves an emperor
- and this one is gay, and single too.
Just 200 nautical meters east of Australia's Great Barrier Reef lies
the Coral Sea Islands, also known as - sound the trumpets - the
Gay and Lesbian Kingdom. In 2004, gay and lesbian activists sailed
over to the largest island, Cato Island, sprinkled some sequins on the
sand and established the territory with the raising of the
rainbow pride flag.
The Gay and Lesbian
Kingdom declared independence from Commonwealth
of Australia out of protest for
Australia's treatment of samesex couples. The fetching blond
emperor of the tropical sand
and shore kingdom is Dale
Parker Anderson, a descen-
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dant of a gay king of England,
Edward II (1284-1327).
Tell your buddy that he can
send fan mail to his new royal
crush with the Royal Gay Mail stamps: perforated pride testaments
for two euros ($2.60) each. Take your pick; there's the bear brotherhood flag stamp, or maybe he's more of a Leather Pride flag kind of
guy- and don't forget the various gender symbols stamps. However,
Dale's headshot has yet to be put on a stamp. Give them a break; it's
still a new kingdom.
Wanna hear more~ Try gayandlesbiankingdom.com, the country's
Web site, and the book Micronations:The Lonely Planet Guide to
- LesleySeacrist
Home-Made Nations (lonelyplanet.com).
Alicia Keys
Eva Mendes
"I was always with my girlfriend at the time backstage,
but I'm very private about my personal life. She
was my make-up artist, my manager, my hairdresser, my everything_else.">> Supermodel Eve
Salvail on The Tyra Banks Show
"I wanted to do something that was completely
unexpected, totally out of the box, something
that would blow people's minds ... This met that
criteria well. It was very exciting and it.totally took
me out of my element and out of my comfort
zone completely and it challenged me in a way
that was very rewarding for me.">> Alicia Keys
on her acting debut as a lesbian assassin in
Smokin' Aces to CanMag.com
"I have more of a girl audience, which is really
awesome .... I look out and see myself in 'em,
and there's just something about that.">> Gwen
Stefani to BUST
"If I were a guy I'd ask Cameron [Diaz] to marry me.
She's got the greatest spirit, and she has the cutest, tightest butt. Her butt is so cute I can't take
it. And she's also a world-class belcher. I'm not
gonna lie. She totally outbelches me." >> Eva
Mendes to Maxim
May 2007 j 15
Janet McKenzie
I
PAINTER I
Some find her art inspiring; others, infuriating. Her mail gets sifted through and separated
from possible bomb packages, groups warn her of being picketed, and the flood of hateful
phone calls and e-mails seems neverending.
Janet McKenzie, creator of"Jesus of the People" (above), is just one of many controversial
artists who will display work this spring at the JHS Gallery in Taos, N.M. Her depiction of
the black female Christ figure will hang in the gallery from May 12 to June 23 as part of the
exhibit Who Do You Say That I Am? Visions of Christ, Gender andJustice.
f'v-fcKenziewas initially shocked by the public reaction to her work, considering her artistic
intention for the piece. "It came from such a place of love;' she explains. The Vermont-based
artist considers herself spiritual, not religious, and finds her work incorporating many different spiritualities: In "Jesus of the People" she includes the yin-yang symbol from Eastern
philosophies as well as a feather to reflect Native American cultures.
Despite plenty of harsh criticism, "Jesus" has garnered positive attention as well. "I spoke to
many people;' she says, commenting on the piece's three-year tour. "Lesbians, gays and women
of all color have said the same thing: Thank you for opening up our eyes to see how God
created us in His image:•
She is currently finishing up a series of paintings dubbed the Nativity Project,in which
she explores the role of Mary Magdalene and other women as active agents in Jesus' birth to
illustrate women's presence in biblical stories." I thought it was time to include those who are
traditionally left out in representations of Jesus:•- Lesley Seacrist
Curvatures
Finally, the "Other" Mother Wins
revealed that Boring had married a man after her relationship with Jones
ended and that Boring and her new husband had subsequently moved with
the children out of state, to Indiana. Also, Boring instructed her sons to call
her new husband "dad" and sought in many other ways to downplay Jones'
role in their lives.
In their custody dispute, Boring claimed that the children could not be
removed from her custody without a court finding that she is unfit. This
is a much more stringent standard than is applied to heterosexual parents.
The Superior Court of Pennsylvania found this argument to be invalid, and
upheld the notion that same-sex parents a~e to be judged by the same standards used in cases involving heterosexual, non-biological parents.
The ruling hinges on the doctrine of"in loco parentis': a Latin term that
means "in the place of a parent:' This doctrine traditionally refers to the legal
responsibility borne by a person (or, sometimes, an organization) who takes
on some of the functions and responsibilities of a parent. In the opinion
From the "good news" department: This past November the Superior Court
issued with their recent affirmation, the Supreme Court judges cited a 2000
of Pennsylvania upheld a lower court ruling that awarded primary custody
to a non-biological lesbian mom after a custody dispute with her former
partner, the children's biological mother.
case in which the Pennsylvania Supreme Court gave primary custody to a
child's stepfather - who had been acting in the role of parent - rather than
the biological father after the mother died.
"The decision in Jones v. Boring sends a clear message that children are entitled to maintain a relationship with both parents, even if only one parent is
so that Jones would be given primary physical custody of the children and
biologically connected to the child;' says Shannon Minter, legal director at the
National Center for Lesbian Rights, which acted as co-counsel in the case.
"That's good for our families, and particularly good for our children, who
deserve to have stable ties with both parents;' Minter added.
Judge Scott ordered that the original custody arrangement be amended
Boring be given partial physical custody. Boring appealed the decision, which
brought the case to the State Supreme Court level.
In their memorandum opinion affirming Scott's order, the 3-person panel
of Superior Court justices wrote: "Jones did not establish that Boring was
Ellen Boring and Patricia Jones had been together about 10 years when
unfit, and was not required to do so, but Jones did clearly and convincingly
they decided to start a family. Using alternative insemination techniques,
Boring conceived twin boys that the couple raised jointly until they split up in
2001, when their sons were four years old.
todian and that the children's relationship with both parties would be better
fostered if custody were awarded to Jones:'
Initially, Boring was given primary physical custody of the children. Jones
was given partial physical custody and was also ordered to pay child support.
Jones was represented at the trial level by local counsel Maureen Gatto of
Dorian, Goldstein, Wisniewski & Orchinik of Bensalem, Penn. Lambda Legal
But, as Jones alleged in a number of contempt petitions, her ex-partner did not
honor their custody arrangement and instead tried to cut off contact between
staff attorney Alphonso David joined Gatto to deliver arguments before the
Jones and the boys.
In an opinion issued last March, Bucks County Judge Susan Devlin Scott
establish that the children would be better off with her as the primary cus-
Pennsylvania Superior Court. The Center for Lesbian and Gay Civil Rights
and The National Center for Lesbian Rights served as co-counsel in this case.
- Gretchen Lee
No Child Left Behind? Not in Arkansas
Imagine in 13 years, 9 million children will be living without parents in the United States. According to the Casey
Family Program, a national foster care organization, this grim
recognizing gays and lesbians as being effective parents.
Yet even in light of our nation's overall shortage of
capable parents, certain states continue to deny the rights
possibility could become reality.
In celebration of National Foster Care Month, the Casey
Family Program and 14 other large foster care organizations
of queer families. In March, a bill banning LGBT and
unmarried people from becoming foster parents was
introduced into the Arkansas state legislature. The bill fac-
are encouraging people to get involved in our nation's foster
care system.
The American Civil Liberties Union said that while there is
es an uphill battle, considering the state's previous ban on
gay foster parents was lifted 7 years after it was ratified.
an overall shortage of foster care parents, they have also seen a rise
of gay and lesbian parents. Research from the National Adoption
Information Clearinghouse shows that LGBT parents raise an
Judge Timothy Fox heard the circuit court trial, which
challenged the Arkansas stance on LGBT parents. After
his verdict Judge Fox said, "The blanket exclusion can hurt
children by excluding a pool of effective foster parents:•
estimated 6 to 14 million children. As this number grows, the
ACLU says that foster care agencies across the country are
To learn more about foster parenting, visit fostercare
month.org. - Asiana Ponciano
May 2007
j
17
Curvatures
Lesbofile
May Gay Gossip Roundup
From Annie Sprinkle to Lady Sovereign, it looks like love is in the air this spring. I ByJocelynYoo
This month in Lesbofile: Sex, drugs and rock 'n'
roll. Except no drugs this time, just some intoxicatingly hot ladies.
First Comes Love ...
In January, the queen of sexology AnnieSprinkle
and her partner of five years, Beth Stephens,
legally tied the knot in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
"We're totally compatible, both artists with similar tastes, we have the same politics and enjoy doing so many of the same things;' Sprinkle says. "A
special thanks to all my exes for teaching me how
to be a good partner - something I feel I have
finally achieved:' Their ceremony was unlike any
other: a Hindu prayer ritual, drag kings in yellow zoot suits, an Adonis-like male stripper as
Sprinkle's best man, an experimental poetry toast
by the Mother of Dada ... the list goes on and on.
CuRvE's congrats to the newlyweds.
Queen of the Cool List
UK music magazine NME's annual Cool List is
something that every audiophile looks forward to,
and this year's really rocks: BethDitto,lesbian lead
singer for TheGossip,
took the top honors. Though
far from being in MTV's prime time rotation,
NME cited Ditto as "fronting the greatest punk
rock 'n'disco soul band on the planet for years:' So
why is Ditto - whom we knew long ago was going
to be big - only now getting her name boldfaced:>
"Beth is a fire-breathing icon of rock 'n'roll nonconformity;' writes Alex Needham, who compiled the
'06 list. "With a voice like Tina Turner gargling ball
bearings, a megawatt stage presence, a delight in
fl.outing the conventions of dress for 'the larger lady;
Beth would stand out anywhere, never mind in the
blokey indie world:' The cat's out of the bag now.
We'll just have to share her.
Bedfellows
At the American Museum of the Moving Image
tribute to Will Smith, Dreamgirlsstar JamieFoxx
apparently made a swipe at OprahWinfrey
about the
ludicrous rumors that she and BFF GayleKingmay
be more than just friends. "I was talking about you
the other day;'Foxx told Smith in his speech. "I was
laying in bed with Oprah, and I turn over to Gayle
and I say,'You know what:" ... " But before Foxx could
finish his joke, the crowd - including Queen
Latifah
and EvaMendes
- erupted into laugher, obscuring
the punch line. Winfrey and King have repeatedly
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if we were gay,we wouldtellyou, becausethere's
nothingwrongwithbeinggay."
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denied rumors of their coupling, laughing them off.
Says King, 'The truth is, if we were gay,we would tell
you, because there's nothing wrong with being gay:'
Fashion Forward
When the cat's away, the mice will play, and so
MichelleRodriguezproves. In January the Lost
actor was spotted at a New York City nightclub,
where she took the stage to showcase her skills on
the stripper pole for 20 minutes before making out
with a mystery woman - who, by the way,was not
her girlfriend, Kristanna Loken. "She took lemon
wedges and greased the pole so she could slide
better;' an eyewitness told the New York Daily
News. "She didn't get naked, but she was hanging
upside down and twirling around. It was wild:'
My only wonder is how sexy it was to see
Rodriguez grinding on a stripper pole while
wearing the court-ordered remote alcohol monitor ankle strap that she was ordered to wear 24
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hours a day for 90 days after her DUI arrest
last year. In early February, the actor was photographed frolicking about Marc Jacobs' show
during New York Fashion Week in a short white
dress with her hefty ankle accessory. Worst dressed
list, here she comes!
Yep, She Did It Yet Again
According to new accounts, former Mouseketeer
BritneySpearswas hardly heading down the
straight and narrow path, even before she started
cutting her own hair and assaulting paparazzi
vehicles with umbrellas. Rap music producer Omar
Iceman Sharif, a friend of Kevin Federline, told In
Touch magazine, "Britney was into threesomes and
girls;' and would often invite her girlfriends over
to their mansion to hook up. Another close source
added, "Sometimes it was three girls, and sometimes there were more like six.... I heard about her
being with girls at least 20 times while they were
married:' Funny, but after her recent head shave
and 24-hour in-and-out attempts at rehab, these
reports are probably the least inflammatory gossip
targeting Spears.
The Rap-Up
The Minnesota Daily, the University of Minnesota's
independent newspaper, reported in January that
Brit rapper LadySovereign
made an appearance
at Gay 90s, touted as "the largest gay and lesbian
complex in the upper Midwest:' Eyebrows arched,
though,
because the self-proclaimed
"biggest
midget in the game" wasn't there to perform; she
was there allegedly to see her rumored girlfriend,
Andrea, who reportedly is 19 years old and has
a child. Obviously there's plenty of speculation
going on here, but really, why else would Sov voluntarily kick it in the Twin Cities' 2-degree winter
weather, if not for a little ass?
The L-Word Isn't "Loken"
Apparently for actor KristannaLoken,there is
such a thing as too much woman. The L Word
actor told producers of the show that she wouldn't
be back for another season because of tension
among her and her castmates. "It's an entire
show of women and the amount of egos and
insecurities and cattiness that can go with a
bunch of women, that's what you get;' Loken said,
according to Contact Music. Don't we know it.
Well, we'll miss you, Kristanna. ■
Ab
CrisWIiiamson
Ferronwldllltdl
Melissa
Ferrick
•
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Curvatures
Marriage Equality Means "I Do" for Everyone
MEUSA supporters, friends, family and allies visited county clerk offices
around the country with the purpose of pointing out the everyday discrimination of same-sex couples. MEUSA advocates stormed the county clerks'
offices armed with flowers, candy and balloons and applied for marriage
licenses. While none of the same-sex couples walked away with a license in
hand, many county clerks did stand in support of the cause. McKay's wife,
Dr. Davina Kotulski, author of Why You Should Give a Damn About Gay
Marriage, is executive director of MEUSA. Together, the couple has been
fighting for marriage equality since 1996.
McKay herself is a visual billboard for the effort, wearing a wedding dress
an average of fifty days a year. People often mistake her for a jilted bride to
which she replies, "Oh no, I am a marriage equality activist. My wife and I
want the same rights and responsibilities that heterosexuals get:'
While most of the American population was either shopping for roses and
conversation hearts or sitting at home and moping, Molly McKay, media
director of Marriage Equality USA (MEUSA), spent last Feb. 14 working
on one of the year's biggest marriage equality campaigns.
McKay is quick to point out that this is not a protest, but rather an
opportunity to educate people and call attention to the inequality same-sex
couples experience every day, and the 1,138 federal rights that are withheld
by legally invalidating their commitment. Since Valentine's Day is supposed
to be the most romantic day of the year, McKay points out, "How unromantic is it to ask your partner, 'Will you civil union met'
For more information on MEUSA and the forthcoming Wedding March
for Equality being held Saturday, May 19, 2007, in New York, San Francisco,
and many other locales, log on to marriageequality.org. - Carol Bryant
Now is the perfect time to plan a late Spring or
~tac~fs®Classic ~pinach Artichoke Dip
Memorial Day bash. Good planning will help
ensure it will be memorable!
Ingredients: I ( 14oz.) can artichoke hearts, drained and
chopped, ½ ( I Ooz.) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed,
½ cup sour cream, ¼ cup mayonnaise, ¼ cup cream cheese,
¼ cup Romano cheese, grated, ¼ teaspoon garlic, minced.
Mix it up.
Invite a few new friends - the mix of old and new will help
keep things interesting. Speakingof interesting, why not serve
Stacy's®Pita Chips? With flavors like Parmesan Garlic & Herb,
they're definitely not the same old snack.
Directions
Preheat oven to 375° F. Mix artichoke hearts, spinach, sour
cream, mayonnaise, cream cheese, Romano cheese, and garlic.
Cover dish. Bake until hot and bubbly (about 25 minutes).
Serve with Stacy's® Pita Chips. Serves 6-10.
Highlight your best skills.
Love to cook? Make your best-loved
specialties. Love to garden? Pick
your best flowers for arrangements.
Serve finger food.
Skip the extra work and cleanup.
Serve fun finger foods like Stacy's®
Pita Chips and other appetizers that
don't require plates. Let guests serve
themselves in bite-sized portions.
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permission.
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the Pita Chip Lady-,
bot you can call me gtacg.
Curvatures
Danner to the Rescue
A woman is beaten every nine seconds and, according to the
American Institute on Domestic Violence, 5.3 million women
are abused each year.
Happy Anniversary
To Us!
Youknowhowyousometimesforgetthefirst day
youmet,or theanniversaryof yourthird kissor
someotherdatethat's
oh-so-precious
to her
andthenyourgirlfriend
makesyousleeponthe
couchfor a week?Well,
wefeelyourpain.It's not
that weforgotthatthis
issuemarksCuRvE's
17th
anniversary,
it's just that,
likea lot of you,we were
so busywith life (like,uh,
puttingtogethera magazine)thatwe didn'thave
timeto celebrate.Butstay
tunedto ourspecialJune
GayPrideissuewhere
we'll tell youall about
usanda littleaboutyou
(whoknows,we might
just surpriseyou)and
celebrateouranniversary
in style.- Editors
South Florida lesbian rock musician J.D. Danner is hoping her music can bring awareness and empowerment to the
victims of these chilling statistics.
After performing at a fundraiser for Women in Distress,
a nonprofit chat provides emergency shelter and support co
abused women and their children, the musician was inspired
to pen the song "Shelter from the Shame:'
"I heard many of the women's stories and I wanted to
do something to try to bring healing and stop the violence;'
Danner says. "Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age or economic status:'
A portion of the proceeds from both Danner's single and
music video benefit Women in Distress. "Many women don't
seek help because they're afraid of losing their children in the
system. Boys ages 14 or older are typically not able to be at a
shelter;' she says. 'Tm hoping to raise enough money to build
a shelter where women can bring their older children with
chem:'
In addition to her strides toward ending domestic violence,
the generous entertainer also donates her time and talent to
the American Cancer Society and Operation Homefront, a
nonprofit organization chat helps military spouses and fami-
developed a new brew, called the Troops Blend, and have donated hundreds of bags of the coffee for Danner to distribute
to military families.
On her rare downtime, Danner's a charmingly regular gal,
who loves watching reruns of The Golden Girls and Queer as
Folk, playing tennis and the occasional shot of Jack Daniel's.
She recently completed her third album, Maybe It's Just Me.
Her meaningful lyrics and unique fusion of rock, blues and
country have gained her a loyal fan base nationwide. Now in
Nashville, Danner is working on her fourth album, set to be
released this summer.
"The reason I play music is because I feel I was born to do
it and I'd like to do something good with it;' Danner says. "I
feel many of the artists that get that big
break waste that opportunity by not doing something positive
to make a difference
in the world:' Sing it,
sister. For the latest,
check out jddanner.
com. - Tammy Lam
Cinematic Sex Ed
Dedicated to the positive representation of alternate sexualities, New York's annual CineKink Film Festival made its ritualiscic return to San Francisco's Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
in January. The sexy and educational series contained about a
dozen films, shorts, docs and features, each exploring the dark
reaches of what critics call perversion and dykes often call kink.
Aerlyn Weissman's doc WebCam Girls taught me a little
something about what I once considered the domain of procrastinating college kids. Bridging interviews of prominent
webcam starlets with academic commentary, this film gives its
subject an examination of sexy-smart proportions. By way of
self-reflexive conventions, WebCam Girls does
221curve
lies. Danner recently teamed up with The Boca Bean and Tea
Company, a fair trade, women-owned organic beanery. They
on BDSM (featuring dominatrix Mistress Midori), this doc
posits that BDSM as "the only sex that you need classes to
perform correctlY:' Indeed. Describing the experience of being
"under;• the BDSM practitioners in the film introduce viewers
to a mind-boggling depth of erotic exploration.
Though the notion of using sex to ritualistically explore
consciousness is erotic on its own, I couldn't help thinking chat
the most educational films include visual aids. Going Under
therefore brought an extra does of sexy to the BDSM theme.
Psychotherapist Peter (Roger Rees) is pursuing Suzanne
(Geno Lechner) outside of the"office" in this emotionally vague
flick. While it cakes a little patience to manage the
ambiguity, the film ultimately makes a strong point
about the messiness of sexual relations: Peter and
Suzanne only ever know part of their desires, to say
nothing of understanding them. For these charac-
for webcam girls what Doug Block's stylishly
self-possessed Home Pagedid for home pages. If
you liked Mary Anne Doane's oft quoted article
"Film and Masquerade;' this flick will give you a
good time, dictionary not required.
Those who thought WebCam Girls' look
at cyber "peep shows" was too philistine likely
appreciated the more educational approach of
Howard Scott Warshaw's documentary Vice
ters, and others in the CineKink films, sexual "release" (wink, wink) is slight in comparison with the
kind of deepened consciousness they experience
through sex. Though not assertedly queer, these
films do ilustrate how sex that transcends gender
and Consent:The Art of Wrapping Intimacy in
Very Scary Paper.A knowledgeable exposition
and social protocol can lead to a river and that river
runs deep. - Sara Schieron
Curvatures
Tribute to an Activist Diva
law after a three-year battle with ovarian cancer,
and gathering her community to her in a revolutionary way through her LoveTroopers social
support network -
Heather was a true revolu-
tionary.
The years that I knew Heather were not her well
years. We met just briefly before she was diagnosed.
In some ways, this hastened our friendship. As her
fellow activist and friend, there was so much she
wanted to tell me. We had a strange, sweet intimacy
that was mildly unsettling to both of us.
Before she moved to Portland, I kept wondering why I felt called to make those 12-hour
road trips to San Francisco to see her - through
mudslides, snow storms, flooded roads and howling winds. After all, death and dying are the most
private things a person can do, and who was I, this
new-ish energy, to be taking up invaluable emotional and intellectual real estate? I wondered why
I loved her so effortlessly, even as I was only begin-
If you look up diva in your dictionary, you will not find a picture of
Heather MacAllister. But you might find, over the course of your life~
time, several hundred folks who have pasted one into their own.
I met Heather MacAllister on May 3, 2003,
when she and the incredible troupe of big beauties she founded ("Big Burlesque: The Original
Fat-Bottom Revue") landed in Portland, Ore.
for the first FatGirl Speaks event. I walked into
the venue and, standing at the end of the hallway
was this personified vision of raw sexuality and
empowerment. Her body was draped with the
most fabulously ridiculous cotton-candy pink
faux-fur jacket and matching hat. Larger than life,
in the most delicious way. I was both fascinated
and intimidated instantly.
The intimidation factor melted away when,
noticing how uncomfortable I was being sleeveless
in public for the first time in my adult life, Heather
caught my eyes, She smiled, leaned down, kissed
my arm with her bright red lips and told me I was
beautiful. My humiliation melted and I wore her
lipstick like a badge of honor and bravery.
What struck me about Heather then, and continued to strike me throughout the years I knew
her, was the dichotomy of brash, power-house Diva
en
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to tender, compassionate Mama that made up the
hook, line and sinker of her personality.
So many people have written about the effective activist and glamorous heroine that she was
- and I will too - but what made Heather a force
of change in my life wasn't just her actions. It was
her righteous anger and her steely-eyed determination which was driven completely by her incredible
heart and her wealth of empathy and compassion.
Heather fought with every breath she had for
empowerment, for herself and for everyone around
her. She cast her activist net wide and lived in a
world where the seemingly transparent intersections between race, class, ability, orientation, gender and body presentation glowed in front of her
like laser alarm triggers in a James Bond movie.
She made seen what was unseen, and she did so
gently and with a firm, but loving tone. Heather's
every deed was in advocacy.
From working for the Triangle Foundation and
Trans gender Michigan, helping Sondra Solovay
to help get anti-size/weight discrimination laws
passed in San Francisco, sitting on the board of
Al-Fatiha, the nation's only organization for sexual
minority Muslims and on the board ofNOLOSE,
an organization for fat queer women and transgender people - to founding Big Burlesque to
bring women of size to the front lines of sexual
empowerment, to the very way that she died,
taking advantage of Oregon's Death with Dignity
ning to get to know her.
But that's where Heather's Diva/Mama knockout combo really had the most impact. She loved
me, and I loved her, because we saw in each other
that same core of love, wrapped in the same fire of
anger and indignation, framed in the same history
of personal hurt and exhausting global awareness.
Because Heather couldn't, and I will not, sit still
while the world feels wrong.
Because Heather's wish, for me, for herself and
for us all, was always that we find within ourselves
our own divinity. That we love ourselves so well
that we refuse to be denied our beauty, that we
refuse to be denied our joy and that we refuse to
be denied, above all, our power.
The morning Heather died, she pulled me
in close to her and, with sweet and loving words,
passed her activist baton, which I'm breaking into a
kajillion different pieces and passing on to all of you.
Learn from this woman, my friend. One woman,
claiming her power, can affect hundreds. Hundreds
of women, claiming their power, can affect
thousands. Recognize your beauty, and recognize
your worth. You are beautiful. Heather said so.
Heather MacAllister died on Feb. 13, 2007,
after a three-year battle with ovarian cancer at age
38. Heather is survived by her Grandma Simian;
her sisters Hope, Holly, Sossity and Tina; and
her beloved Chevalier, Kelli Dunham. Memorial
services took place in Portland, Ore., Detroit,
New York, San Francisco and Boston. Please
visit nolose.org for memorial information.
- Stacy Bias
May 2007
I
23
1 Elm City Bone Crushers roller derby girls knocked it out at their first
bout in Waterbury, Conn., in December 2 Party girls (from left) Randi
Swords, Sara Kenny and Gabby Tucker at Miami's Winter Pride 3 Bold
Strokes Books' Lesbian Authors Festival on Valentine's Day at Casitas
Laquita resort in Palm Springs, Cali£, brought in authors and fans alike,
including (from left) editors Shelley Thrasher and Jennifer Fulton, writ~
ing team Austin and Andrews, Cheryl Craig, and authors JLee Meyer and
Catherine Friend 4 L Word star Marlee Madin looks lovelier than ever in
the Red Dress Collection at Mercedez~Bem:'s New York Fashion Week in
Bryant Park in February 5 Sexier than ever, Melissa Ferrick rocked the
house at historic Toads Place in New Haven, Conn., in January
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6 (From left) guest Michelle Fry, RGM's Rebecca Weeks, Julie Blaustein of Bubblicious
and Real Girls Media's Kate Thorp at the DivineCaroline.com launch at Sutra in
San Francisco 7 Bold Strokes Books' Lesbian Authors Festival attendees (from left)
Shelley Thrasher, author duo Andrews and Austin and a fan 8 Billlie Jean King made
sneakers work at the Red Dress Collection fashion event for Mercedes~Benz 9 Bisexual
hottie Bai Ling works the red carpet at the annual GM Ten gala in Los Angeles 10 Fellow
bi babe Ione Skye was also there 11 Sexy Marlee Madin laughs it up with Jennifer Beals at
Showtime's The L Word premiere in New York
Advice
Ask Fairy Butch
Is Age Just a Number:'
Dear Fairy Butch: I have found lately that I
tend to be much more attracted to women
at least 10 years older than me, if not more.
I'm 20 years old and a college student, and
it's certainly more likely for me to get hot for
my professors than for fellow classmates. I
find this really difficult for a few reasons:
Many times, there is some authority conflict (i.e., student-professor) that would prevent us from ever sleeping together. Also,
although intelligent, older women make me
lose my mind, and they intimidate me a little. I am pretty confident that I'm no slouch,
but I lack sheer experience and don't know
really how to get these women to notice
me, or what it is that I have and they might
want. Help! - Youthful in Yosemite
Dear Youthful: Ooh, sugar, some may bristle at
my affirmative response. I say an age difference in
a relationship can be a lot of fun, though it can
also bring a lot of peril. (Consult a copy of The
Graduatefor examples of both.)
But as long as you're not breaking any statutory age laws and if you're truly ready for it, I say
bring it on! Problem is, you may more readily
find the sex to be sizzling than the relationship
actually are. A lot of listening and just being yourself will go far in this endeavor. Older women who
date younger women may be interested in a quasimentoring relationship. Is that something that
interests you? If so, you can make yourself attractive to her by being very attentive to her in conversation and showing real interest in her work.
Naturally, this is important to any relationship,
but she may be giving you advice and helping along
the way. Be forewarned that this could lead to a
distinct power imbalance in your relationship.
One caveat to all of this: You will want to limit
your spring-summer romances to women who are
not actually in authority over you - professors,
deans, what have you - that sort of theme can be
quite messy indeed.
Good luck plucking those not-so-young spring
chickens, my dear!
Dear Fairy Butch: I'm 18 and pretty sure
I'm a lesbian, although I haven't had
much experience. But that's not the
question I have for you. A close friend of
mine asked me if I would have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Being
ready to explore and somewhat comfortable with the idea, I said sure. This will
Avoidthe trap intowhichentanglesso manyyoung
peoplewitholderlovers:tryingto pretendyou'remore
conversantwiththe topicsat handthanyou actually
are.A lot of listeningandjustbeingyourselwill
f go far in
thisendeavor.Olderwomenwho date youngerwomen
may be interestedin a quasimentorinrelation
g
ship.
Is
that somethingthat interestsyou?
to be perfectly copacetic, but whom among us
has that? Nonetheless, don't expect her to be on
the same wavelength as someone your own age;
music, clubbing and issues around money are
likely to come into the fray.
Like you said, it's easy to see why such older
women would intimidate you. I think that in this
case, honesty is the best policy. That is, avoid the
trap into which entangles so many young people
with older lovers: trying to pretend you're more
conversant with the topics at hand than you
26
Icurve
just be a lustful experiment for me.
The only part of this that makes me
uncomfortable is that I won't have a clue
what I'm doing. That makes me feel a bit insecure. I know how to have sex with a man
or a woman, but with three people I don't
want anyone to be left out. Since they have
an intimate relationship together already,
I'm not really sure how I'll fit into this. My
question for you is how can we share the
attention equally? - Third in Tallahassee
Dear Third: Go
on with your bad sel£ dumpling, and stake out some new territory on your
sexual road map! Though you're not a member
of the couple in the posited menage, you are a
close friend to one of them, and thus are not immune to the potential emotional hailstorm that
might follow as a result of this tryst. You have to
examine your motives for your adventure. If it's to
get something going with the female partner on
the side, you should probably rethink the idea. If
you have a more holistic venture in mind, say you
fantasize about the notion of an extra mouth and
pair of hands or genitals around you, then you are,
indeed, a better candidate for the encounter.
As far as divvying up the attention, I think that
having had a decent amount of sexual experience
with both men and women will put you in good
stead for the upcoming occasion. Just find a way to
be conscious of an extra bod in the bed. Help to
ensure that there is always a set of hands, mouth
or genitals on the body of each participant, unless,
of course, they are happy under their own steam
for a time. This can be a good time to trot out
"69" fantasies, which can be easily adapted for an
extra mouth or pair of hands on the ass, genitals
or body.
And don't hesitate to use toys in this scenario,
love bug; they can really help in getting to those
sometimes crowded places that can otherwise
be difficult to reach. If you are well-coordinated
enough, two people on one can really enact some
sensations that are difficult to achieve in a one-onone. Think mouths on breasts at the same time
as cunnilingus, among many other favorite standards. Viva la menage! ■
E-mailJb@fairybutch.com
with your queriesregarding
lesbianlife,sexualityand romance.
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Lipstick & Dipstick Advice
Online Dating Dilemmas
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
I am still madly in love with my ex-girlfriend,
who is now dating a guy. We broke up a
year ago, and it seems I will never get over
her. Our biggest challenge was that we
were in a long-distance relationship. If we
would have met, it could have lasted, but
I was too much of a chicken to do so. We
are finally going to meet in a few months,
and I'm unsure if I should bring this all up,
especially since her boyfriend will be with
her. I'm in need of some real help. - Wet
Behind the Ears
Dipstick: Wait, I don't get it. How can you be in
love with someone you've never met:' I must be
behind the times. Do people actually date without
ever meeting:'
Lipstick: Haven't you heard, Dipstick:' Longdistance romance with someone you've never
met is the hot new dating trend. A girlfriend on
demand. If she starts to nag about how you're talking too softly or how you never use spell-check,
you can just drop the call or send her into your
spam folder. It's genius.
Dipstick: And it's creepy. Unless you're in junior
like when I was certain I was in love with
Kristy McNichol even though I'd only drooled on
her picture - how can you be in love with someone you've never met in person:' Don't put yourself
through the torture of meeting her now because
it will only disappoint. Let her live on in your
fantasies and learn from your mistake. Next time
you find a girlfriend online, take her on a real date
before she, too, chooses flesh over flowery e-mails.
this with friends because they don't know
about me, so I'd appreciate any advice you
can offer. - Mommy Queerest
Al-Anon meeting. Once there, you'll meet others who are in the same predicament. Soon you'll
realize you can't control or cure Denise's destructive habits, just like you can't control the lesbian
Lipstick: Oh my god, girl, get the fuck out of the
closet! That's a good place to start. Long-distance
relationships can work, but you have to be willing
to a) be honest about your life, b) travel and c)
make time for each other. Considering the circumstances - especially if you're hiding the fact
that you like Egg McMuffs for breakfast - forget
impulse to move in with someone you don't even
know. Trying to do so will only frustrate you and
make the situation worse.
about it.
Dipstick: Dude, why are you being so hard on
Mommy Queerest:'
Lipstick: Did you just call me Dude:'
Dipstick: While I agree that life both in the closet
and in long-distance relationships can be challenging, she's probably afraid her kids will be taken from
her because she's gay.
Lipstick: Well, she'll be happier and a far better
role model if she stands in the truth of who she
is. Kids sense that shit. MQ I encourage you to
temporarily cut the cord with Dr. Dipstick and
come out already.
high -
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Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
My girl and I have been together for four
years. When we met on Match.com, she
was in medical school and didn't want to
get involved with anyone because she'd be
relocating for her residency.Well, now she's
gone, and it's torture. I have kids and am
divorced. We talk on the phone every day
but haven't been able to find the time to
see each other as often as we had planned
(when my ex-husband has the kids). I'm
worried I'll grow tired of the situation
because I haven't seen any long-distance
relationships work. I can't exactly share
Lipstick: TT, how could you not know Denise
was a tobacco-breathed, booze-loving, midnight
toker prior to shacking up:' Before you move out,
take a moment and pick up one of the roaches she
left in the ashtray. Now light that little fucker and
take a hit. Feeling better:'
Dipstick: Lipstick, you're joking, right:' There's a
saying in Al-Anon: "Let it begin with me:• Heed
that advice, Terry. Stop trying to change Denise
and focus on yourself. Eventually you may decide
it's time co leave, but it's important to understand
how you got into this situation in the first place.
Lipstick:I was kidding, Dip. Terry shouldn't start
using illegal drugs; a simple shot of tequila should
do the trick. Don't forget the lime and sale, and
maybe a new chica caliente to drink it with. ■
Ask us anything about sex, loveor lesbiansat lipstick
dipstick.com.
Dipstick: This is terrible advice. Mommy,
instead pick one good friend, someone you implicitly trust, and come out to her. You'll immediately
feel better as the ray of light peeking in from the
cracked closet door shines on your cheek. As for
your lady, come up with a schedule for seeing each
other, something you can both handle, like once a
month. After four years, chat's about as often as
you were having sex anyway, right:'
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
I am in a relationship with a woman named
Denise. Our problems revolve around her
bad habits: drinking, smoking and recreational drug use. I've told her how much
they hurt me, but she continues boozing and puffing away. What compounds
the situation is that we live together, and I
didn't know she did all these things before
I moved in. What should I do? Move out?
- Tense Terry
Dipstick: Before you move out, head over to an
May 2007
I
27
Advice
Relationships
Are You Marriage Material:
1. When the wedding march plays, you hear:
A. The sound of Disney characters singing gaily.
B. The sound of your lover's voice promising forever in your ear.
C. The clicking of a pair of handcuffs, much like those you used with your last girlfriend.
D. The slamming shut of a prison cell, no chance of parole.
2. Your attitude toward a commitment ceremony or wedding is:
A. It's the first day of our real relationship where we will be together forever in unconditional,
carefree, fairy~tale love.
B. The perfect opportunity to publicly declare my affection for my girl in front of friends and family.
C. Open bar, free gifrs, hanging out with my friends - what more could I want?
D. Bachelorette party! One last time to check out my ex~girlfriends in their sexy outfits and think
about the hot old days. Damn.
3. When planning your wedding, your role will be:
A. To completely plan the perfect day, beginning to end. People will write songs about how beauti~
ful this wedding was.
B. To collaborate with my partner so the day reflects both of our personalities.
C. To call all of my friends and ex~girlfriends to give them one last opportunity to talk me out of
this. Better safe than sorry.
D. Wait, what? When?
RESULTS
Foreachanswer,
giveyourself
thefollowingpoints:
A= 2 points
B = 3 points
C = 4 points
D = 5 points
10 points
Youthinkthata weddingis the perfectculmination
of yourrelationship.
Youshouldconsulta therapist,
asyouareslightlydelusional
regarding.the
reality
of the institutionof marriage.
Beinghitchedis
nota cure-allfor whatailsyou.Thereis a great
possibility
thatyouareexpecting
too muchof your
relationship,
anticipating
thatyourwifewill fulfill
you,defineyouandmakeyouwhole.Contrary
to
sappycinema,noonecancompleteyou,unless
youarea fill-in-the-blank
or the Bionicwoman.
11-15 points
4. The most important part of being married is:
A. We are together forever and never apart. Not for a minute.
B. We find a way to stay together, celebrating our commitment while still maintaining our
individuality.
C. Even if it doesn't work out, she'll be friends with me and we'll probably still live together.
D. That it isn't really legal yet, and restraining orders are easy to get.
5. Which of these songs would play for your first dance and define your marriage?
A. "You Light Up My Life"
B. "Light My Fire"
C. "Blinded by the Light"
D."Turn out the Lights (The Party Is Over)"
Youareso readyto be marriedthatyoucould
modelfor a wedding-cake
topper.Takethe plunge
withfull knowledge
thatyouareto commitment
whatAnneHecheis not,well,to commitment.
You
knowyouloveyourwoman,andthe bothof you
agreeonfindingbalancein yourlifetogether.
You
knowmarriagetakesworkandrequiresa sense
of selfin orderto haveanythingto sharewith each
other.Mazeltov!
16-20 points
You'vehada lot of partnersin the past;manyof
themarestill aroundthe periphery.
However,
they
seemto provideonlya minordistraction
for youas
youfaceyournuptials.You'reindecisive
whentryingto decidewhereto goona datewithyourgirl,
sowhatmakesyouthinkyoucandecidewhether
or notto spendthe restof yourlife with her?Stop
lettingyourfearandyourfriendsdecideyourfate.
21-25 points
Youaretheantithesisof marriagematerial.Sure,
it's a niceidea,butit fliesin thefaceof your
catch-and-release
approach
to women.Don'tdo
the "I do"justfor the gifts.A toasterovenain't
worththe painyou'llhaveto inflictaswellas
endurelaterasyouseparateyourpersonalproperty,includingthetoasteroven.Youarenotquite
readyfor the altar.
Kate Lacey createdthis month'squiz. .lfyou have ideas
you'd like to see tested,e-maileditor@curvemag.com.
2s
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Astro Grrl Advice
Ask And Ye Shall Receive
Your ideas
ship with some lusty, dirty affair? Hell yeah! Career:
at work capture the attention of the senior staff. May delivers
opportunity and growth. Can she deliver a little extra for me?
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
Sex: A light flirtation around the water cooler can bring a work
romance to a raging boil. Will you get wet and wild or just scaldBusiness relationships heat up and can take you to
ed? Career:
new levels of power. Will you be on a ladder up or a chute down?
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Sex: Get creative and serve up a tasty menu of exotic delicacies.
You will work hard
Does May have a discerning palate? Career:
May. How boring
this
professionally
get
can
you
for whatever
is that?
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
Sex: May revs up your sex drive and makes you virtually insa-
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Sex: Do you have something meaningful to say? Say it loud,
proud and queer. Sapphic Bulls on the hoof wander into new
Be more strategic
lush pastures. Stay and graze a while. Career:
this May. Career opportunities are there, but they're below the
surface. Stop, look, listen and then act.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
tiable. You are a sexy beast, Sagittarius! What a nice change of
You would rather have fun this month. And you
pace. Career:
find all sorts of ways to skirt work and loaf on the job. So who's
the skirt, anyway?
May revs
up yoursex
driveand
makesyou
virtually
insatiable.
Youare a
sexybeast,
Sagittarius!
What a nice
changeof
pace.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Sex: You ache for a relationship. If you are in one, do some work
on it and it will improve. If you are looking for one, do some work
Caps find themselves
on yourself and you will improve. Career:
working from home this May. Is it your own business, or are you
into others' businesses? Try going out for lunch.
Sex: Shower your many lover girls with lavish, expensive gifts,
then see who really loves you for you, and who just loves you
Friends provide you with a leg up
for the money. Uh-oh. Career:
professionally this spring. But you have to ask for whatever you
want like fellow Gemini Melissa Etheridge. Is it really a career
boost, or is it something else?
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Sex: Examine your diet and exercise regime this May. Not only
will you feel better, you will have more energy to feel her better. Sweet! Career:Have a great idea? You get a boost from an
unlikely ally this May. Conspire to shake the corporate girders
with your brilliance, but watch for any shakeout.
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Sex: Hot Crab is on the menu this May. Even complete strangers
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
adore you. Why ask why? Dive into a few new pools and see who
You are a force to be reckpaddles by with tanning butter. Career:
oned with on the job. Push ahead and stomp on any competitor.
Not so fast, though. There's something to be said for subtlety.
Sex: I see tons of fun and more than a few romances for Guppies
this May. But will you party too much and become a dissipated
You finally get the raise you
wreck? We can only hope! Career:
were looking for this May. Now use it to get a rise out of youknow-who. Woo hoo!
Leo (July 24-August 23)
Sex: There is something about you that is loosey, goosey,juicy
and very attractive. You have a secret admirer; is it April, May or
Lionesses travel
June? Don't wait for Summer to tell you! Career:
for work all through May. Don't forget about the one who waits
for you at home. Why not bring her along?
Virgo (August 24-Sept. 23)
Sex: Virgins can find a new love among their usual group of
gal pals. But do you really want to ruin a perfectly good friend-
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Sex: Lambda Rams can plan a few domestic soirees this month
that are certain to attract a certain honeybee to their hive. Start
Highlight your great work this May. All eyes are
a buzz! Career:
upon you, so give them something startling to stare at and envy.
Wait ... is your blouse open? ■
For more advice from the stars, visit our astrologer,Charlene
Lichtenstein,onlineat thestarryeye.com.
May 2007
I29
Dyke Drama
Michele Fisher
How Bad Do You Want Her?
A good romp with a bad girl can be fun, as long as you watch your step.
S
he wasn't my first bad girl nor was she the worst, but she was the most
unrepentant.
Nothing is sexier than a woman who tells you that she is bad. Unless it's a
woman who tells you that she is very bad. It's true that you can't save the devil
from hell, but I didn't learn that lesson until several women later.
She drank too much. She talked too loud, smoked and swore, so she was
frequently kicked out of taxis before her desired destination.
I met her in a restaurant where I worked. She came in and ordered her
breakfast: a beer and a vegetarian omelet at 4 p.m. She didn't have enough
money for a tip but cold me to come to the bar where she worked that night
so she could make it up to me.
It was a seedy place right down the street from the restaurant, but I never
noticed it before because it didn't have a dance floor. I plopped myself on a
well,worn brown Naugahyde bar stool and just watched.
She had a cigarette burning at each end of the bar. She would strut from
one ashtray to the other taking drink orders. When she took your order,
she had to lean out over the bar and put her face within kissing distance of
yours. I took it as blatant flirtation, and it probably was that too, but I later
learned that she was deaf in one ear because of a car accident. She was one
of the two drunken drivers. This explained all the yelling and the slurring
she did, too. Sometimes when a patron ordered a cocktail she would bellow
out a rude comment like ''A Cape Cod? Can you find me a fucking Kennedy
to tell me what's in one?" If she liked the sound of your drink, she might
pour herself a "baby" one and give you a quick "cheers, queers" before she
poured it down her throat on the way to her next ashtray destination. A
couple of times that night, she turned down the music, once to utter a filthy
rhyme about Madonna and another time to belch. When she came from
behind the bar to collect glasses and bottles, she pushed her way through
the crowd yelling profanities, grabbing tits and ass as she pleased. Nobody
seemed to mind one bit.
She wasn't pretty, she wasn't even good,looking,
but she was brazen and carried herself like a rock
star, which we all thought was mighty hot. I was
hooked. She scared me; I wanted to see more. She
was indeed a bad girl.
When I finished my free drink, she brought me
another and told me I could hang around after she
closed the bar if I felt like it. I felt like it. At about 5
a.m., after a bottle of Seagram's, we were in a cab and
on the way to my house. She was staying with a friend
so her place - well, she didn't really have one, did she?
"Why waste beer money on rent?" she said. We had a
sloppy makeout session in the cab - at least we
made it all of the way to my place without getting
kicked out of the car - and then a bout of drunken
aerobic sex on my living room floor. The sex was
wild, but not in a good way. It was out,of,control
blackout sex where you might sustain a cracked rib
as easily as have an orgasm.
She rolled over a few hours later, pulled a warm
stolen beer out of her backpack and downed it in
one long pull. Then, she put her dirty clothes back
on and stumbled out my front door into the blinding
daylight. I slept another few hours before I started
obsessing about when I could see her again.
That afternoon, on the way to work, I vowed to let
her call me first. She didn't. So, I headed back to her
bar that night hoping she would be glad to see me. I
had her bad taste in my mouth, and I needed more.
I went to that bar for the next 13 nights.
Sometimes she would come home with me; other
times she would just want to have crazy sex in the
dank backroom of the bar, on the pool table or
under the pinball machine, and then take her own
cab wherever. We never saw a movie, shared a meal
30
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or had a real date. When my friends wondered where I had been, I told them
"around:' When they asked me her name, I gave a fake one. When they asked
me if they could meet her, I told them it wasn't that serious. What's the use of
having a bad woman if she can't be your dirty little secret?
On the 14th night, she wasn't happy to see me.
I got off work, went to her bar and found her making out with some surfer
girl. When she saw me walk in, she just blew her smoke past the surfer's right
ear, and kept on going at it. I should have left then, but I couldn't. I just had
to know if she had any feelings at all for me. I stayed, hoping she would say
something comforting or encouraging to me. She did not. I ordered a cocktail.
She set it in front of me without comment, but accepted full payment for it and
put the money in her tip jar instead of the register. Nothing was on the house
anymore. As the evening scraped on, I twisted my look of disappointment into
a sullen mask of disapproval, but she didn't seem to notice. By closing time, I
had my speech memorized, but she never got to hear it. She kicked me out with
everybody else, except the surfer. When I demanded an audience with her, she
laughed and waved me off like a hovering fruit fly. I got loud, and she flashed
from jovial to hostile as she literally pushed me out the door, then snapped the
lock shut in front of my stupid, shocked face.
How could it be that I was having sex with this woman less than 24 hours
ago, and now she was slamming a door in my face?
I went home and gathered up all of her belongings that she had left at
my place - a T-shirt, some CDs and a mechanical hair clipper set - and
flung them into the swimming pool behind my apartment. I had never done
anything like that before. I was trying to be bad but ended up feeling dramatic
and silly,especially when my building manager came out onto his balcony two
stories up and informed me (and the entire complex) that I would be retrieving all of that crap pronto unless I wanted to get booted out.
A few days later, I was still deep in my funk when she rang my buzzer
and asked for her stuff. She seemed genuinely shocked by my tearful rant
and was incensed by the sight of her water-damaged goods. How could I be
so childish and destructive? I countered by asking her how she could be so
callous and untrue.
She answered that she was an alcoholic bartender who had never asked
for a relationship. Her logic was hard to argue with.
She wanted a new set of clippers. I wanted her to hear me out. She never
did get those new clippers, and my words fell on two deaf ears as the badass
walked out on me.
Years later, I was hailing a cab in the Castro when I heard a vaguely
familiar voice behind me asking me where I was going. I turned to see my
bad bartender poised to hop in the arriving taxi with me. During the ride,
I realized that I did feel bad about wrecking her stuff and told her so. She
acknowledged that it was a screwed-up thing to do but graciously forgave me.
She offered me a cigarette and told me I looked good. I declined the smoke,
accepted the compliment and noticed with relief that we had reached my
stop. I leaned back into of the cab before closing the door on her, and handed
her twice the amount on the meter. She tried to thank me with a bourbonsoaked smooch, but I pulled my face clear before her lips could land, bidding
her a polite 'good night:'
That night, I felt very satisfied and evolved, but I don't think I would have
felt so great if she hadn't aged so poorly.
Is that bad? ■
curve
THE eEsr.sELLING
CURVE Magazine I Bud Light I Delta Air Lines
San Francisco Chronicle & SFGate.com
Travelocity I San Francisco Toyota/SCION I Comcast I Clear Channel
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
get involved at www. fpride.org
May 2007
I31
Politics
VictoriaA. Brownworth
Hillary for President
She's not my dream candidate, but wouldn't it be nice to see some ovaries in the Oval Office?
I
'm not a fan of Hillary Clinton. Almost two years
more than one. The articles and columns all use
ago I wrote a column in this space about why I
the same jargon: the infantilizing and dismissive
wouldn't support her for president, based on her
argot of the inveterate sexist.
support of the war on Iraq. That said, when politicians change their minds for the better, I'm willing
Why do they hate Clinton? Because she
refused to abdicate her selfhood when her hus-
to give them a second look. If they apologize for
band assumed the presidency. Because she didn't
taking a wrong stand on an issue, it's even better.
Clinton has changed her mind on the war. Sure,
subscribe to the party line about being the silent
woman behind the throne. Because she tried to
I would have liked it to come sooner, but I better
renegotiate a failed health care system to benefit
now than not at all. While she hasn't apologized
all Americans. Because she said it took a village
for supporting the war, she has said succinctly,
"Knowing what I know now, would I support the
war? No. We don't get do-overs in life:'
to raise a child in America. Because she didn't
leave her husband when he had an affair with
She's right about that. She would also be
won twice when they said she couldn't be elected.
Because she speaks her own mind, she's tough,
another woman. Because she ran for office and
right to apologize for supporting the war. Of
course, the man who started the damn thing has
and she doesn't fold under pressure - no matter how vicious the attacks on her are - and she
yet to apologize.
doesn't cry. Because she acts presidential.
Back in early January, when George Bush was
still trying to think of new ways to sell the war
to the American people, Clinton was in Iraq. She
wasn't lounging poolside in the Green Zone; she was in a flakjacket, in country.
I have talked to a lot of people about Clinton,
and inevitably hear, "She's so unlikable:' Yet her
She was risking her life to see what was actually happening in the nation the
constituents - the people who not only elected her the first time in a solidly
red state that's only blue in New York City, but they re-elected her in a landslide
U.S. has spent a half trillion dollars and tens of thousands of lives to occupy
and disassemble.
- do love her, and think she does a great job and works hard.
I've also heard, "But Barack Obama is just so charismatic:' Yes, he is. Not
She returned from that week-long trip shaken. It's scary being under fire.
Clinton may be used to the jousts and volleys of the quixotic American public,
very substantive, but definitely charismatic. It's hard not to like Obama.
but that's a far cry from having mortar fire and guerilla explosives all around
you. Upon her return, she described the situation in that civil-war-torn coun-
she's everything the current president isn't.
try as "heartbreaking," and called for an immediate halt to the so-called troop
surge proposed by Bush as his latest fix-it for the unfixable mayhem in Iraq.
A few weeks later, she announced her candidacy for president.
Are the two events connected? Maybe, maybe not. Do I care? No. Male
politicians who change their minds on important issues are described as
courageous for having convictions. In the 1980s, I ""'.asa reporter covering
the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington, hearing arguments like Bowers v.
Hardwick, a decision chat upheld sodomy laws (later overturned in another
case, Lawrence v. Texas, in 2003). One of the justices I was privileged to cover
and to meet was Harry Blackmun. In 1973, Blackmun authored the Roe v.
Wade decision, legalizing abortion in the U.S., and he wrote the dissent in
Hardwick. Blackmun was also, at one point, a conservative jurist nominated
to the court by Richard Nixon. Blackmun changed his political mind over
the years, and I doubt any liberal Americans lost sleep worrying whether he'd
done so for some politically expedient reason.
I have seen Clinton speak. She's charismatic, she's smart, she's substantive;
In a Washington Post/CNN poll at press time, Clinton has no real competition for the nomination. In a crowded field of candidates, she polls at
close to 40 percent. The closest contenders are Obama at 17 percent and John
Edwards at 15 percent. Her detractors say she should have a higher percentage after all these years in politics. Like Rudy Giuliani's 33 percent? Sen.
John McCain's 27 percent? Mitt Romney's 18 percent? Why the double standard for Clinton who beats out all of them as well as the current president's
approval rating?
The outrage over Hillary Clinton for president is predicated not on her
often centrist positions, but on her femaleness. Women candidates for president are supposed to be obvious losers at the gate - third-party candidates
or low-level spoilers, not true contenders. Clinton is a true contender. The
right can't stand it; the left is afraid of it. If a woman can outclass all the
men in a men-only field for 2008, then how will men keep women in their
place? Rep. Nancy Pelosi has already outclassed her colleagues as well as the
president in just a few months as the speaker of the house. (She too went to
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Iraq three weeks into her speakership. Bush has only gone twice, and never
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ing her presidential campaign because the right is unredeemably sexist when
it comes to Clinton. There is no woman in the country, including Rosie
left the airport.)
The reason for talking down about Clinton in an attempt to remove her
power has nothing to do with her positions on the issues. It has to do with
O'Donnell and Jane Fonda (there are still millions who refer to her as Hanoi
Jane), whom the right hates more than Clinton. Check out Newsmax.com, a
a fear of women breaking through yet another ceiling and - let's face it breaking a few balls in the process. That alone could be reason enough to vote
right-wing blog, and there will be at least one Clinton-bashing piece, usually
for her. ■
So why pillory Clinton for changing her political mind for the better?
I don't know if I will vote for her, but I will continue to defend her dur-
32 Icurve
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IN THE NEWS
Sit-In
Lesbian
A lesbiancouplefromBlaine,Wash.,DottiBerry
Sapp,werearrested
(below,left)andRobynne
andtakenaway
on chargesof trespassing
in
fromthe Focusonthe Familyheadquarters
Springs,Colo.,aftertheyenteredthe
Colorado
buildingandrefusedto leaveuntilthefounder
changedhis
JamesDobson,
of the organization,
statementsaboutresearchon LGBTparenting.
BerryandSapp
sayDobson
andother
spokespeople
fromFocus
misrepresent
studiesin order
to negatively
impactLGBT
families,arguingthat children
do betterwith
a motherand
father.Many
others,including
socialscientistsandtheAmericanPsychological
Focusonthe
havedenounced
Association,
Family'sclaims.
Bill
GayBullying
TheIowaHouseandStateSenatepasseda
to provideLGBTstudentswith
bill in February
specificprotectionagainstbullyingat school,
Chet
whichwassignedintolaw by Governor
Culverin March.Thelaw bansthe harassment
of studentsbecauseof sexualorientation,
gender,raceandage.Thoughit soundsinnocusaidthat it wasa
ousenoughto us,opponents
backdoorattemptto passadditionalLGBTcivil
rightslawsandforceculturalviewson students
morethanit wasa safetymeasure.Initiallythe
bill hadbeenwrittenwith a clausethat would
excludereligiousschools.Thatclausewaslater
removedbythe StateSenate.
Rights
UtahCourtDeniesGayParental
Courtdenieda lesbianmother
TheUtahSupreme
therightto seekvisitationrightsfor herchildafter
mother
withthechild'sbiological
herrelationship
ended.Thecourtruledthatfull parentalrights
mother
wereto begivenonlyto thebiological
M.
ChiefJusticeChristine
of thechild;however,
Durhamin herdissentsaidthatif Jones,thenonparent,wantedto petitionfor visitation
biological
of a "parentsheshouldhaveto provideevidence
of the
andsecuretheapproval
childrelationship"
parent.
biological
Dies
Founder
Campground
Lesbian
JoyceTree,co-founderof the Swiftwaters
diedon
in northGeorgia,
lesbiancampground
Dec.31,2006,at SaintJoseph'sHospitalin
Ga.,Tree
Atlanta.Whileresidingin Dahlonega,
spacefor lesbian
wantedto havea comfortable
womento go campingandcreatedthe establishmentwith herfirst partner,DorothyOsbold.
will continuedespiteTree's
Thecampground
passing,thoughits attendeessayshewill be
canbe madeto the
sorelymissed.Donations
JoyceTreeMemorialFundat anyBB&Tbank
branch,or at bbt.com.
AttackKillsDetroitMan
Anti-Gay
AndrewAnthos,an openly
Seventy-two-year-old
gaymanfrom Detroit,diedon Feb.23 after
beingstruckfrombehindwith a leadpipeby
a manwhofollowedhimoff a busafterasking
if hewasgay.Anthoswasknownfor 20 years
of attemptsto lightthe stateCapitoldomered,
whiteandbluefor July4 eachyearin honorof
U.S.veterans.
OhioCenterGets
NewDirector
TheStonewall
boardof
Columbus
announced
trustees
thatit hashiredKarla
(left)to act
Rothan
asthecommunity
center'sexecutive
has
Rothan
director.
for
beena volunteer
manyyears,chairing
and
thePrideFestival
supportfortheorganization's
Marchandproviding
annualfundraiser.
TakeAmerica's
travel
favoriteLGBT
theWheelsof Justice
Greasing
plansto givea $200,000
K-YBrandannounced
donationoverthe nextthreeyearsto the GLBT
best
NationalHelpCenter,an organization
knownfor its GLBTNationalHotline.K-YBrand
will be its first corporatesponsorand,proponentssay,the movesignalsthe company's
andmarketing
increasein its gayphilanthropy
Thedonationwill be used
to the community.
mainlyfor specialprojectsto increasethe visibilityof the center.
in LocalBar
MakeCommitment
Lesbians
Stilettos,a localbarin Inkster,Ill., hosted
ceremonyfor lesbian
a masscommitment
andgaycoupleson Feb.16.Stilettosowner
AlanaFaulkbelievesthe ceremonywasa
for the bar,whetherpeople
greatopportunity
perceivedit as a protestor simplyas a way
to supportlifelongloveandcommitment.
- LesleySeacrist
May 2007
j 33
..
San Francisco is the place for lesbian liberation. It's the
city of refuge for queers from around the globe, a mythical,
magical place where the food is sublime and the landscape
divine, and you can make out with your girlfriend anywhere you
damn well please. Even if you're a queer girl who loves living in
Louisville or Missoula or New York City, chances are good that
you're going to make your way to San Francisco at least once
in your lifetime. So, if you've scraped and saved for your dream
vacation - and especially if you're flying halfway across the
country to get here - why not stay a bit longer and find out
what else is at your fingertips in California? Here are a few day
(or weekend, as is the case with Southern California) trips you'll
dream about long after you've headed home.
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TRIP 1: DOGGIE NIRVANA
Distance from San Francisco: 160 miles
Best for: Day or overnight trip
For more info: Schoolhousecreek.com
Queer travelers have long held certain regions north of San Francisco in special
regard. If you want to live out a lesbian version of Sidewaysin person, you
visit the tony Sonoma,Napa region known as wine country. If you're a
quirky environmentalist, you can head to Eureka to see fire dancers and
hip rock bands in one of the country's most environmentally minded
progressive rural towns. And, if you want to party all summer in the city's
own Fire Island, you go to the Russian River town of Guerneville, which may
be the gayest small town in the West.
But you have four,legged fur kids like me, you're looking for the kind of fami,
ly,friendly place that I discovered in Mendocino: The Inn at Schoolhouse Creek.
A collection of gorgeous dog,friendly cottages (once a Coast Guard sta,
Back at our two,story cottage, we snacked on homemade cookies ( the
dogs, too) from the Inn's in,house restaurant, had a massage and a scrub (spa
treatments delivered to your door) and took a soak in our in,room Jacuzzi
tub. From our private deck we did some whale watching and later grilled fresh
local fish on the backyard fire pit. A midnight hike to see the stars was almost
too much.
If you're like us, you'll want to head (by car) into the quaint, coastal city
of Mendocino while you're at the Inn. You'll pass numerous state parks and
dog,friendly public beaches and find a lovely peninsula that looks straight
out of New England. There you'll find several funky little boutiques and a
handful of restaurants with outdoor seating so you and your fur kids can
dine together. Our favesr Mendocino Bakery, Mendocino Cafe, Mendocino
Burgers and Patterson's Pub.
The city is beautiful, uncrowded and almost undiscovered, the kind of
tion and previously mill worker housing) spanning over nine acres of seaside
garden and forest land, the Inn itself is a spectacular setting for a romantic
weekend with all the accoutrements you'll need: ocean surf, in,room hot tubs,
spa services, fireplaces, regional wines.
It was the smile on our pooches' faces, however, that made us believe we'd
gone to doggie heaven. A giant pet basket awaited us in our cottage, and we
immediately pulled out and sniffed everything before running to our private
backyard to play Frisbee. The Inn's meadow and forest trails are perfect for
off,leash playtime, and 150 yards from our cabin was Buckhorn Cove, a pri,
vate beach where the dogs could play off,leash as well. (Our six,pound chi,
huahua discovered a love of rock,climbing there.) There's even a pet bath at
the Inn, so Ginger and Skippy left that mollusk smell behind.
May 2007 j 35
place where lighthouses outnumber tall buildings and people don't seem to be
in a hurry to do anything. It's gay-friendly and probably more working-class
than many U.S. resort towns. And with tails wagging everywhere you turn,
it's one of the most dog-friendly vacation spots you could pick.
We spent our last few hours having a gourmet breakfast in our room,
walking the private beach with our dogs and driving up the coast to town.
Along the way, we pulled into a tiny inlet and watched boatloads of whale
watchers cruise below a giant concrete bridge after hours of sightseeing,
drenched, salty and smiling. That's a Mendocino afternoon.
TRIP 2: SLEEP IT OFF
Distance from San Francisco: 18 miles
Best for: Day or overnight trip
For more info: thelodgeattiburon.com
Sure, Sonoma's always lovely, but if you're looking for a wine-tasting
extravaganza this month, check out the Lodge at Tiburon's Sip and Sleep
Wine Festival Package. The al fresco Tiburon Wine Festival (on Sat., May
19) will be held on Point Tiburon Plaza, adjacent to the Lodge and the waterfront. Connoisseurs can imbibe from more than 65 of California's hottest
wineries including Bialla, MacRostie, Gloria Ferrer and Silver Oak, and get
some grub from 10 local eateries.
The Sip and Sleep package (for $300) gives you admission tickets, breakfast for two and that very important one-night stay, so you can stumble back
to your lush abode and sleep off all that indulgence.
So where's Tiburon, you ask? It's a small town in Marin County on the tip
of the Tiburon Peninsula and mostly surrounded by water, just around the
cove from the famed artist arena of Sausalito. Once a railway station, today
Tiburon is an affluent little New England-style coastal burg where high-end
boutiques meet politically progressive ideology: Tiburon was the first city in
the world to ban trans fats, for example. On Friday nights in the spring and
summer, the town's Main Street is closed to traffic and opened up to a giant
walkway of al fresco diners.
One of the main methods of transportation to Tiburon is the Blue and
Gold Fleet, a year-round ferry service that goes around the Bay, with stops in
San Francisco. It's one of the cheapest ways to see the San Francisco skyline
and the Golden Gate Bridge without the distractions of driving, so if you've
got time after the wine festival, catch a ride and see the sights.
Once you get back to the Lodge, you might never want to_leave.The handsome Craftsman-style three-story building has just undergone a $6 million
face lift and boy, does it show. There are numerous indoor-outdoor social
spaces, including a heated pool, outdoor fireplaces, cozy wooden rocking
chairs and private poolside cabanas where you can have a romantic tete atete,
complete with food and cocktail service.
Even if you prefer to stay inside, the Lodge is a warm, enveloping experience with Jacuzzi tubs and Feather Borne beds. But if the boss has you on a
tether, you can still make it work with their five-star business center and free
wireless everywhere, including the pool. The best part for us? Well, the DVD
library and 24-hour availability of Peer's coffee were quite exciting, but petfriendliness was a big bonus. Few high-end properties love dogs as much as
we do. That gives it even more stars in my book, and that's before I've had a
chance to taste 120 different wines.
TRIP 3: GO GREEN - AND BLUE
Distance from San Francisco: 187 miles
Best for: Weekend trip
For more info: bluelaketahoe.com, montbleu.com, moon.com,
hollysplace.com and visitrenotahoe.com
OK, maybe we should say"azure;' as that more aptly describes the deep rich
color of the famed waterway at Lake Tahoe. Or, as Mark Twain called it, ''A
noble sheet of blue water lifted six thousand, three hundred feet above the
level of the sea, and walled-in by a rim of snow-covered mountain peaks:'
Twain was right. The third-deepest lake in America, rumored to have its
own Loch Ness-like creature, is breathtaking, even to jaded Rocky Mountain
natives like me.
These days, Tahoe - both the lake and the region that straddles the
Nevada-California border - is queer San Franciscans' favorite weekend
escape. The drive back may be hell on a hot Sunday, but the trip is so
worth it. If you're active in any way there's a trail for you here, from the
wheelchair-accessible South Tahoe lakeshore greenbelt to the 165-mile Tahoe
Rim Trail (which takes you up more than 10,000 feet). Outdoor recreation in
Tahoe (divided into South, North, West and East shores) is year-round, too:
skiing and boarding in the winter; parasailing and kite boarding in the summer.
The sternwheeler Dixie Queen runs the lake year round as well.
These days with revitalization of many of the casinos and restaurants,
improved resorts, and amazing outdoor access, Tahoe is, as Ann Marie Brown,
author of Moon HandbooksTahoe,says, "one of the few places on earth where,
if you choose to, you can hike to a pristine wilderness area, shop for a dinner
36 j curve
These days, Tahoe - both the lake and the region
that straddles the Nevada-California border - is
queer San Franciscans' favorite weekend escape.
dress, dine at a trendy bistro and gamble the night away,all in a single day at the
lake."Plenty of skiers drive up from San Francisco for a starry evening of night
skiing and make the trek back to work in the wee hours.
For those looking for a resort experience that feels a lot like Vegas, try
MontBleu Resort Casino and Spa. Situated where the old Caesar's Palace
was, MontBleu is 21st-century cool, with inside styling that makes you feel
like you're swilling martinis in an old rat-pack movie. From the luxury rooms
and spa suites (all complete with amenities from the in-house Aveda Salon)
to the Onsen Spa (offering couples' treatments), MontBleu pampers guests.
Better yet: the magnificent, always-open, indoor heated lagoon with rock
islands and a waterfall.
But one of the best parts of MontBleu is its many in-house restaurants,
particularly Opal. A swank, ultrafoxy lounge, Opal is straight out of a (West)
Hollywood television set. Think Bette Porter-style elegance with outrageously good Eurasian fusion nosh. With tiny tapas (like crab medallions),
fusion seafood (scallop ceviche) and some of the more innovative left coast
sushi I've experienced ( their signature Opal is deep fried with spicy tuna,
avocado, asparagus and goat cheese), I could eat there for weeks without getting bored. The signature drinks are hot too.
After dinnertime the lounge kicks into high gear; the club passes out the
bongos and hookah pipes and the girls who are chattering next to the floating
benches look even sexier. And keeping in the ecologically sound spirit of Tahoe,
MontBleu has banned fluorescent lights and switched to ecofriendly cleaners.
If you want to get really green, try a more rustic weekend at Holly's Place,
the lesbian-owned resort that offers real dykes the back-to-the-land version
of a Tahoe vacation. Though it's nicely het- and boy-friendly (a few gay men
were there while I
was), Holly's is a lesbian paradise unto
itsel£ Each cabin is private, but visitors often
come out to barbecue
together or have latenight, starry-evening
chats over wine. We
stayed at Holly's Place
- again with the pooches - and cooked all our meals on site except one, when
we stopped for fajitas and Coyote Cosmopolitans at Coyote Grill (by the way,
don't mistake this place for Coyote Ugly; trust me, it's easy to do after a few
vanilla screwdrivers).
Almost any place in South Lake Tahoe (where both Holly's and MontBleu
are located) is accessible to the beaches with cheap kayak rentals, boat cruises,
paddleboat antics and, since this is still California, a bevy of beautiful blondes.
TRIP 4: WELCOME TO LA LA LAND
Distance from San Francisco: 377 miles
Best for: Three days or more
For more info: visitwesthollywood.com, lemontrose.com
Last time I was in West Hollywood, I was rubbing elbows with film and
TV stars like Amanda Bearse, Daniela Sea, Honey Labrador and Jenny
May 2007
I37
Shimizu within hours of my arrival. Sure, I was at POWER UP's Annual
Power Premier Awards, but that wasn't the only reason. West Hollywood is
the number one go-to place to see and be seen if you're any kind of lesbian
in entertainment. It's the sort of place that's sexy, cool, chic, where girls can
wear stilettos with jeans and tank tops and not look like skanks. It may be
something in the water because on my last trip I had dinner at the iiberhip 0Bar (probably my new favorite bar in California - in its last incarnation, it's
where Tammy Lynn Michaels picked up Melissa Etheridge and, eventually,
made an honest woman of her). I was sharing dinner with Amy, a drop-dead
gorgeous local gal who told me all about the beauty myth (in this case, the
myth that all people in West Hollywood are beautiful but they aren't, they're
just like you and me). As she was talking, I thought to mysel£ "hell yeah, were
all freak.in' hot:' I know Amy was.
The next day, when I couldn't fit in a pair of jeans with single digits, I remembered the difference. But that wonderful buzz
lasted throughout my visit to West Hollywood and
convinced me - nay, reminded me - that there's
a certain magic to Southern California and it has
nothing to do with Disneyland. If you want to feel
like you walked off the set of The L Word (even i£
like me, you look more akin to walking off the set of
Roseanne)you should try it sometime.
I started out with the best indulgence: a day at
The Gendarmerie, the chi-chi spa salon founded
by Topper Schroeder after his signature scent,
Gendarme, became a hot commodity. Now a spa
aimed at making men comfortable doing what are
typically considered girlie things (perms, pedicures),
Gendarmerie is absolutely perfect for butches who
are equally clueless about those things. To call this
gay-owned spa a salon does both of those nouns
a miscarriage of justice. The place is actually two
attached cottages with a heated back patio where
they host sexy fashionista-type affairs and lesbian
bachelorette parties. The entire place is a Wi-Fi hot
38 I curve
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area bevyof resources
thathelpyou
getto knowa differentsideof thecity
bythebay.
GayandLesbian
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Dr.WilliamLipskyandTom
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40
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MrSF.com:
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spot, there's an in-house designer (G. Macon, who'll tailor your suit or make
you a new one), free-flowing drinks and, at least on the Saturday I was there,
a free gourmet buffet.
My stylist, Raul Subia, is not just a stylist. First, he's a pretty hunky Latino
guy who is openly bisexual and wanted to talk feminist politics with me. He's
also an actor (perhaps you saw him a few years back on FamilyLaw), a good
listener and, well, with his shoulder-length hair, I probably could have gone
there if I had let him massage my scalp and listen to my problems much
longer. So, yeah, the guy is hot. But, so is everyone in West Hollywood. I'm
willing to bet in the glow of the sun-kissed, rarified West Hollywood air, even
Kevin Federline looks good.
But I digress. It's a WeHo thing. Back at the spa, I got an entirely new
look, something that Raul tells me needs to happen every few years. I perused
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the menu for things that local dykes tell me they really love: the sports manicure (of course) and the signature treatment (scalp, neck and shoulder massage, and a special oil treatment).
After a few hours of Raul, I needed some girlie action. My sexy new style
helped me blend with the locals, so I headed first to 0-Bar (obarrestaurant.
com) for drinks and dinner with my sexy friend Amy. Everything at O was
cool, from the drinks ( try a Corona mojito) to dessert ( the decadent O is
actually a giant chocolate chip cookie baked to order, served in an iron skillet
topped with ice cream, chocolate and caramel sauces; three of us couldn't finish it). Best, though, was the Maine Event: lobster macaroni and cheese.
After the 0-Bar, we toured West Hollywood's hot spots. If you're used to
going to the same bar every time you go out, do know that West Hollywood
is more of a grazing party. You start at one place, like the superb gay-owned
Abbey, and then move around to a number of different spots throughout the
night, depending on what night of the week it is. Hot spots for dykes are
all listed on the West Hollywood visitors' site, but I can tell you now that
Thursday night's Platinum (run by over-the-top hot Shannon Kampa) at
East/West Lounge is a must. Falcon is mostly a boy scene, but the L Word
cast apparently shows up frequently; another must-do is any party by the
Fuse girls. Fuse at Here is a hot, sexy glam event, and Truck Stop is a lesbian
WeHo version of Coyote Ugly; for both the key is girls who like to throw it
down and party it up.
A few more lesbian institutions oflegendary status: the 35-year old Palms
Bar, West Hollywood's oldest dyke bar, has attracted everyone from Jim
Morrison to Ellen herself. It's a beer drinking, Monday night football kind of
crowd, but they look damn good doing it. Girl Bar, the original lipstick lesbians who seem to be taking over the country (with Girl Bar parties in Phoenix,
Vegas, Palm Springs and Chicago now) are still partying it up in the Factory
Still can't get enough? Check out the hot spots of the Sunset Strip famous for celebrity parties and overdoses - like the rocking Viper Room,
the Whiskey a Go Go, Roxy, and Rainbow Bar and Grill. Anything with one
name is guaranteed hot (such as the Ivy, the Abbey, the Pearl, Skybar), as are
fusion restaurants like Asia de Cuba. But I wanted to shop the next day, so
I turned in early (by WeHo standards) to my hotel,
the delightful and oh-so-insider-secret Le Montrose
Suite Hotel. A sleek little urban boutique hotel set in
a residential part of West Hollywood, it's convenient
staggering distance from the Sunset Scrip. Everywhere
you turn, there's sexy, low-slung sofas wrapped around
walls aflame with orange and blue backlighting ( the
There's a certain magic to Southern California and
it has nothing to do with Disneyland. If you want to
feel like you walked off the set of The L Word {even
if, like me, you look more akin to walking off the set
of Roseanne) you should try it sometime.
building. If you want to see Lucy Lawless (remember Xena?) singing "Down
on your Knees" while, ahem, actually bent backward down on her knees, this
is the place for it.
And though it may not be in West Hollywood ( the borders between
Beverly Hills, Hollywood and West Hollywood are all a little hazy to outsiders), you can't go to that area without visiting activist Jewel Thais-Williams'
Catch One. Culturally diverse, this club was host to Madonna's early release
parties and backdrop to Julia Roberts' club scene in Pretty Woman. The fact
that celebs and politics have come into a club started by a working-class black
lesbian makes it a herstorical landmark for sure.
kind that makes everyone look sexy). The guests-only
dining room and lounge has four huge plasma TVs
displaying fashion imagery. Up on the roof: a pool, a
spa and a great view of the region. Le Montrose is tops among celebs (Queer
as Folk star Thea Gill was waiting for her limo while I got my Ford from the
valet) for luxurious comfort as well as privacy. I half expected Leisha Hailey
to join me in the hot tub that night.
The next day I started in Beverly Hills at what I now call "the world's best
doughnut shop:' Frittelli's is a bit like Prada meets Krispy Kreme. From their
cute doughnut-shaped business cards to their designer confections, everything here is cool thanks to doughnut designer and founder Alison Winston,
whose staff brilliantly packages the treats in small blue Tiffany-style boxes. If
Day frips from Mecca conrin.ued on page 76
May 2007 j 41
/
1 (
C:
DIAGNOSIS:DISTRESS
More and more lesbians are learning to live with fibromyalgia.
By Jodi Helmer I Illustration by Cielo Oreste
Mari Skelly remembers the exact moment that
her doctor was able to diagnose the source
of the chronic pain and sleep disruption that
plagued her for years. She felt a combination
of dread and relief.
42
I curve
:
"I was so relieved that the disorder had a
name, that it was not all in my head, but I had no
idea how I was going to live with it;' she recalls.
"In the beginning I kept chinking that I was going to get better. It took me a couple of years to
come to terms with the fact chat I was going to
have it for good:'
but it was so hard to rely on her for everything:'
A combination of medications and alternative
therapies helps Skelly deal with her fibromyalgia.
Although she still struggles with the symptoms,
Skelly refuses to let her pain rule her life.
"It is a hard thing to go through because it
affects every part of your life; it affects your brain
Skelly was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a
chronic disease characterized by fatigue and per-
and it affects your body, and it can affect your
spirit, too, if you are not careful;' she says. "The
sistent pain as well as a host of other symptoms,
most important thing that I have done is realize
ranging from abdominal cramps and dizziness
that I have the power to live with fibromyalgia by
to headaches and acid reflux. Doctors often suggest people chink back to their last flu to relate
having a positive attitude:'
Mary Davidson also believes chat taking a posi-
to the range of symptoms fibromyalgia sufferers
tive approach to living with fibromyalgia allowed
experience. According to the National Institutes
her to regain her quality of life. Davidson, a lesbian
from Georgia who suffered from chronic pain and
of Health, fibromyalgia affects up to 8 million
Americans, and women are eight to 10 times
more likely to be diagnosed than men are. Because
the symptoms are similar to conditions like
lupus and hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia can be
particularly difficult to diagnose.
"It is often a diagnosis made by default;'
sleepless nights for more than a decade before she
Could You Have
Fibromyalgia?
There following are a list of symptoms associated with fibromyalgia.
A combination of symptoms lasting more than three months may
signal fibromyalgia and should be
checked out by a doctor:
• Chronic muscle
weakness, spasms and pain
• Migratory joint pain
• Sleep disorders, sleep apnea
• Extreme fatigue
was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2002, initially
felt powerless to improve her health.
• Neurological difficulties
such as forgetfulness or
inability to concentrate
"I had to stop doing so many of the things that
I loved to do because I was so exhausted and in
• Recurrent headaches
such pain;' she recalls. "Even the smallest tasks like
• Mild fever
explains Claire Connelly, M.S., a chronic pain
consultant based in Connecticut. "Once all of the
replacing a few parts on the barbecue grill became
huge chores that left me immobilized for days:'
• Irritable bowel syndrome
other tests come back negative, doctors figure chat
it must be fibromyalgia:'
Davidson saw four different doctors before
she was diagnosed. Once she found a supportive
The series of seemingly unrelated symptoms
once led doctors to tell patients chat the illness was
doctor who was able to diagnose her symptoms
and offer various treatment options, Davidson
psychosomatic. Instead of providing treatment,
began feeling better. In addition to her own
extensive cocktail of prescriptions and over-
doctors referred patients co psychiatrists.
Frustration with the lack of accurate information about fibromyalgia led Skelly, a lesbian diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 1993, to write Women
and AlternativeTreatments
Living With Fibromyalgia
for Fibromyalgia& ChronicFatigueSyndrome.
"It takes an average of 10 years and 10 different doctors to get a correct diagnosis;' the Seattle
native says. "Once a woman is diagnosed, she often
feels hopeless; I wanted to show women that it is
possible to live full lives with fibromyalgia:'
the-counter
supplements,
alternative therapies to cope with the symptoms
of fibromyalgia.
"Each different thing that I have tried has
It's Not in My Head
Experts
she says. "I was forced to rely on her to support me
financially and emotionally. She was wonderful,
• Brain "fog" or brain fatigue
• Restless Leg Syndrome
• Sensitivity to odors, light, noise
• Gastroesophageal reflux disease
learned to listen to my body; I do not try to take
on more than I can handle, and I know when I
need to rest:'
Skelly admits that she struggled with her diagnosis in the beginning. The chronic pain forced her
to quit her job as a florist because she could no
even worse.
"My partner and I needed my income, but I
also needed my job; it was how I defined myself;'
• Abdominal cramps
helped a little more, and now the pain that I
experience is more of an annoyance than the pure
agony it was four years ago;' she says. "I have also
The Upside of Pain
longer stand for long periods of time. The loss of
income was stressful, but the loss of identity was
she employs various
• Ringing in the ears
are unsure
of the
exact cause of
fibromyalgia. Research has found that it can often
be traced to physical trauma, such as a car accident, as well as acute or long-term stress. Studies
also suggest that, as with ocher rheumatic conditions, which affect the body's connective tissue,
fibromyalgia has a genetic component.
Unlike other chronic illnesses such as diabetes
and asthma, there is no single medication to treat
fibromyalgia.
May 2007
I43
"My partner and I needed my income, but
I also needed my job; it was how I defined
mysel£ I was forced to rely on her to support me
financially and emotionally. She was wonderful,
but it was so hard to rely on her for everything:~
Living With
Fibromyalgia
There is a wealth of resources
available for women living with
fibromyalgia. Information about
symptoms and treatment as well
as referrals to support groups
and research studies are available on the following Web sites:
National Fibromyalgia
Association
fmaware.org
Fibromyalgia Network
fmnetnews.com
National Institutes of Health
nih.gov
American College of
Rheumatology
rheumatology.org
Fibromyalgia Information
Foundation
myalgia.com
"There are about 30 different drugs that are
used to treat fibromyalgia, but none of them
are FDA,approved as fibromyalgia treatments;'
experimentation will lead to better treatments.
"There used to be a misconception that the
disease was all in our heads, but now the miscon,
explains Kim Dupree Jones, Ph.D., a fibromyalgia
researcher and an assistant professor of nursing
and medicine at Oregon Health
and Sciences University. "Certain
medications have been found to be
ception is that there is nothing we can do to treat
ourselves;' Skelly says. "Fibromyalgia has no cure
very effective in one or more symp,
toms, but there is no single medica,
tion that treats the majority of the
symptoms:'
The lack of scientific expla,
nation for the disorder makes
it difficult to accurately diag,
nose. And, since research has not
yet, but there are a lot of treatment
options:'
Dupree Jones notes that, despite
Women
the amount of research that has been
conducted on fibromyalgia, there are
Livingnot
a lot of answers for patients. Still,
with
she believes that researchers are dos,
fibromyalgia
yielded a specific drug to treat
fibromyalgia, most sufferers must
experiment with a variety of treatments
er to providing valuable insights into
the disorder in the coming years.
"We have made great strides;'
......
.........,._..,
,...,.,...~,,..,,,
.......
prior
to finding the mix of medications that works for
their symptoms.
"On average a woman with
she says. "Twenty years ago, no one
believed that fibromyalgia was a real
disease, but now we are able to see
the symptoms and study them in the lab; we know
that the pain is real, and that will help us move
forward to treat it:' ■
fibromyalgia will take 11 prescription
drugs and 20 supplements per day;'
Connelly says. "The mix of medica,
tions generally includes prescription
drugs for nerve pain and inflamma,
tion and supplements for reflux and
muscle relaxation:'
~
(.)
~
(.)
Both Skelly and Davidson take
a complex mix and also integrate
alternative therapies such as mas,
sage, energy healing, tai chi and hyp,
notherapy to alleviate their symp,
toms. Despite the effort it has taken
to find treatments to help them
live with fibromyalgia, Skelly and
Davidson are confident that their
44
Icurve
~
z
~
0
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3
s
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fB
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g
w
c3
Hard to believe there would come a day when prioritizing motherhood
would be seen as a revolutionary act. The goal of feminism, in theory, is to
grant women the freedom to live life as they choose; in practice, not all life
paths are equal in the minds of the modern "liberated" woman. At least that's
the argument of author Rebecca Walker.
Born to celebrated feminist author Alice Walker in 1969, the 37-year-old
Walker was part of the first generation of women to take Roe v. Wade for
granted, and to consider children at best an optional "project that might pan
out to be one of many worthwhile experiences in life" and at worst, tools of
patriarchical oppression.
"We learned that children were not to be pursued at the expense of anything else;• writes Walker of herself and her third-wave feminist peers in her
latest book, Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence.
"A graduate degree in economics, for example, or a life of renunciation,
devoted to a Hindu mystic. To live life as one long series of adventures in
'sexual freedom' could be added to the list, along with becoming president, or
at least secretary of stare:•
In the book, Walker debates biological impulse versus societal pressure
toward independence and intellectual achievement. Further complicating her
decision to bear a child is Walker's strained relationship with her own mother,
whom, according to Walker, compares motherhood to various calamities that
struck and impeded the lives and careers of famous female authors, citing incidents such as Virgina Woolf's mental illness and the Brontes' premature deaths.
Part pregnancy memoir and part sociocultural critique, Baby Love explores the
46
Icurve
joy and complications of modern motherhood amid third-wave sensibilities.
You've feared negative reactions every time you publish something
new. What scared you about publishing Baby Love?
Publishing a book is always a bit intense. I want my work to function in
people's lives, to have meaning beyond the superficial. When you write
a memoir, there is the chance that people will consider the work selfindulgent and completely miss the point. I'm less haunted by thoughts
like that than I used to be, but it's still tough.
Some of the personal and familial issues you broached in Black,
White and Jewish left you estranged from your mother. Now that
you're a mother yourself, has your perspective on your mother's
reaction changed at all?
I have a better idea of how challenging it is to build loving, supportive relationships in the context of the pressures of art and commerce.
Do you expect or hope for eventual reconciliation with your mother?
I have always been open to reconciliation. What daughter doesn't want to be
close to her mother:> What parent doesn't want her child to have a grandmother:> However, I will not participate in a relationship that is unhealthy
for me or my child.
It sounds like having such a well-known mother was a curse in certain ways. Do you worry about your son feeling that same pressure,
since he has a famous mother as well?
I think that being aware of the pitfalls of this experience, and being proactive
about countermanding them is going to make it easier for him. I have the
advantage of knowing what not to do.
You say your mother was ambivalent toward motherhood, but you
are the opposite. Do you think this has more to do with being a
product of your times or with an inherent motherly instinct?
That's one of the more provocative questions the book raises: What is the
my child's other parent over decades. I worried that the most important
part of parenting -
the ability to communicate about difficult issues and
negotiate different philosophies - would be beyond my ability.
I co-parented with my ex (singer Meshell Ndegeocello] for eight years. My
experience with Solomon (Askia, Ndegeocello's son], whom I consider
role of biology, and can it really be discounted? If I had played out my
role as a child of my historical moment, I would be traveling the world
my first son, taught me that I could love and give what was necessary, and
that it is possible that when the child appears, so does the urge to parent
and pursuing a romanticized version of the artist's life, adopting other
to the best of one's ability. However, my relationship with his biological
people's children as my own along the way. This is a good plan, but somehow it wasn't enough for me. One could say that my desire to embrace my
maternal instinct was stronger than the cultural narrative. But my ultimate goal is to find a balanced approach between the two.
Have you felt estranged again from the feminist community since
mom was unable to allay the rest of my concerns.
How does feminist ideology inform how you'll raise a boy in
this culture?
I've always felt that seeing the world through a woman-centered lens is a
critical tool to have in one's toolbox, but you need other tools to gee an
writing this book?
accurate and truly holistic view. It has been important to me to look at
Some of the women at the National Women's Studies Association confer-
what it means to be a man in this culture from the perspective of both
ence I addressed lase summer were upset because they thought I was sug-
the injury of masculinity and
gesting they have babies instead of getting Ph.Os. I was actually asking
them to consider how much different the women's movement would look
also the heroic qualities that it
if there had been as high a premium placed on raising perfectly healthy
has embodied.
When Solomon got to junior high
daughters . . . as there was on educational and professional advancement.
and all of the demands for
Interestingly, the resistance to talking about the importance of biological
him to act like a boy started
creeping into our life, I felt that
family was considerable.
Fortunately, a lot of my work has been about deconstructing the idea of a dosed
community that can be identified as "feminise:' The truth is, I feel closer
I didn't want to see masculinity
than ever to women in general, and as so many of us are having children
as only bad, because there were
many things about it that were
and facing issues like the lack of affordable child care and the growing
positive. The question was how
prison industrial complex that depends economically on criminalizing our
children, I feel less estranged from all human beings, male and female, who
to harness the positive aspects
in a way that was productive,
struggle every day co make the world a safer place for all of our children.
and how to help him differ-
I certainly hope to have another, but as I get older, it becomes more difficult.
entiate his own thoughts and
desires from the expectations
I absolutely wish I hadn't spent 15 years swimming in ambivalence about
having a biological child. I tell everyone - gay, straight, bi, trans - who
being placed on him.
As part of this process, I talked to
comes to my talks, workshops and readings the same thing: Your fertility
is finite. Obviously, everyone doesn't need to have a baby, but if you don't
growing up. I asked some of
Do you expect to have another child?
men about their experiences
Your fertility is finite. Obviously, everyone doesn't need to have a baby,
but if you don't have one because you didn't prioritize it or didn't think it
needed to be prioritized, you may be in for some regret, perhaps agony.
have one because you didn't prioritize it or didn't think it needed to be
them to write about leaving traditional masculinity, with its emphasis
prioritized, you may be in for some regret, perhaps agony.
At (a literary festival] a woman in her 40s came to my signing in tears. She
said she wished someone had supported her longing to have a child, that
on workaholism, emotional stoicism and physical aggression, behind.
The result was my last book, What Makes a Man: 22 Writers Imagine the
Future, which asks men and women to be more sensitive to the pressure
someone had told her what I'm telling young women. The sorrow in her
eyes was heartbreaking, and she's not alone. Of course, she could adopt,
but that is a different experience. No less profound, but different.
we place on boys and men to behave in certain ways. So I guess you could
say I'm still working on my approach to this issue, but that I do take it
very seriously.
Did you have fears about being an adequate new mother?
Do you think you're an unconventional mother?
I had so many fears about becoming a mother. I worried I wouldn't know
how to summon the unconditional love and endless care children require.
The task seemed so daunting. As a child of divorce, I also worried that I
wouldn't be able to create an intact family, or to maintain closeness with
I love my kid beyond what seems humanly possible. I want him to be happy.
I want to give him what he needs to be a successful human being, able to
navigate both his faults and those of others with love and appreciation for
the life he has been given. I want this for all kids. Is that unconventional? ■
May 2007
I47
48
Icurve
D GINA CUTRUZZULA
Wishing that even society's smallest members
could wear their feelings on their sleeves, Gina
Cutruzzula founded Love Out Loud, a clothing
store specializing in apparel for children. Since
2001, Cutruzzula's designed T-shirts with messages like "Proud Baby" and "Love Me, Love My
Moms;' sold at Pride events and on her Web site,
its, small businesses and community groups have
used Betty's List to promote events, products and
services.
is the prime choice for federal agencies and nonprofit organizations that need top-notch media
coverage in print and on the Web. Her clients
D STEPHANIE BLACKWOOD
include the Human Rights Campaign and the
National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
loveoutloud.com. The business got a major boost
when cast members from Queer as Folk appeared
on-screen wearing Love Out Loud creations during
the second season. "The idea came about through
Clients like Allstate Insurance and IBM turn to
Stephanie Blackwood to create marketing messages that target an LGBT audience. Blackwood
co-founded Double Platinum, one of the first
With a combination of business sense and a passion for advocacy issues, Kessler has been able to
integrate her personal and professional interests
to ensure the company's success.
LG BT-owned marketing firms in the U.S., in 2001.
Since then, the firm has reached audiences through
EJAMANDA FELT
personal experience. Friends were having babies,
innovative marketing campaigns such as films and
television commercials. "I understand our community, and I am always thinking about how a
general marketing message can be adapted for gay
and lesbian audiences;' she says. "There is nothing
else I would rather be doing:'
Ii JUDY DLUGACZ
She founded the number one lesbian lifestyle
company in the world and received the Ernst &
Young Entrepreneur of the Year 2006 Award in
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clothes and their message:'
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dumped into landfills on an annual basis, and
toner cartridges are one of the biggest offenders.
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Eco Toner, a Los Angeles-based business specializ!:!:- ing in recycling used toner cartridges. Since 1997,
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of dollars on toner and ink supplies. Ackerman's
dedication to her environmentalism and growing business have earned her numerous accolades,
including the 2006 LGBT Entrepreneur of the
Year award from PlanetOut.
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B BETTY SULLIVAN
In 1996, Betty Sullivan began sending e-mails
about LGBT activities and events in the San
Francisco Bay Area to her personal contacts.
At the time, she had no idea that her e-mails
would grow into a mailing list with more
than 13,000 subscribers. She began receiving
requests from the clients she served at Sullivan
Communications Inc., who wanted their events
added to her list. The demand became so great
that she started the Web site bettyslist.com in
2003. Over the past three "years, Betty's List has
become the place to advertise services and events
for the LGBT community. A number of nonprof-
the consumer services category, but Judy Dlugacz
is still working toward her goals. Dlugacz founded
Olivia, a premier vacation provider for lesbians and
their families. Originally established as a record
company in 1973, Olivia has grown to include a
cruise line, resort and adventure travel to destinations around the world. In the near future, Dlugacz
plans to launch Olivia.com, Olivia Membership to
offer insurance and financial services and retail
discounts to lesbians and their families, and Olivia
Living, an active-adult retirement resort.
DGAILHAND
Need a good laugh? Gail Hand can help. The motivational humorist, based in Portland, Ore., has
made a career out of making people chuckle. Over
the past decade, she has presented college campuses with humorous workshops about coming out,
performed hilarious one-woman shows at venues
across the United States and authored the book
The Power of Laughter: Seven Secrets to Living and
Laughing in a Stresiful World. Her programs cover
leadership, stress management and alcohol and
drug awareness, and her award-winning Diversity
Program is used at college orientations nationwide.
Hand's latest venture is leading laughter workshops, where she helps students giggle their way to
better health. "Laughter is really important to me;
it has been a big gift in my life;' Hand says. "I love
helping people gain perspective through humor:'
D EILEEN KESSLER
Even in one of the world's most powerful cities,
Eileen Kessler stands out in a crowd. Washington,
D.C.-based OmniStudio, the marketing communications firm that Kessler started in 1977,
There was nothing appealing about the vegan baked
goods that Amanda Felt had been sampling at local
bakeries and supermarkets. Instead of settling for
tasteless treats, Felt drained her savings account
and began experimenting with vegan versions of
her favorite recipes. Months later, she had a line of
baked goods that included brownies, cookies and
cakes, and she opened Black Sheep Bakery to sell
her creations. Fast-forward five years, and the bakery is now a favorite hangout of vegans in Portland,
Ore., and ships its dry mix products wholesale to
bakeries and supermarkets across the country. Felt
is basking in the sweet smell of success.
E
JENNIFER SCHALK
AND CHRISTINE ALWARD
Jennifer Schalk and Christine Alward came up
with the idea to start a home-based adult toy store
after several less-than-perfect shopping experiences. "There are not a lot of other companies selling specifically to lesbians;' Schalk notes. "I started
wondering if the person on the other end of the
phone even knew what I was asking and could
provide accurate advice:' The couple founded Two
Girls and Their Toys five years ago to fill that
niche. They run the business out of their home in
St. Louis, Mich., to offer personalized attention
and top-of-the-line products to lesbian customers. "A major part of the reason we chose this business was to help other women;' Schalk says.
mJHALLIE KUPERMAN
A swing and salsa teacher for 15 years and
director of the Century Ballroom for more than a
decade, Hallie Kuperman knows how to take the
lead. Her knack for taking charge on the dance
floor led her to success in the business world as
well. Kuperman opened Century Ballroom in
Seattle to give dance enthusiasts a place to show
off their moves and for wallflowers to learn how to
get their groove on. There are dance lessons each
night and one of the few all-age swing nights in
Seattle. Over the past 10 years, Century Ballroom
has become increasingly popular with Seattle
residents and tourists, earning it the reputation
of one of Seattle's best-kept secrets. ■ (Additional
research by Lesley Seacrist.)
May 2007
I49
The perfect wedding
By Lesley Seacrist
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Traverse
All it took was mouse-click kisses and keyboard dances to convince
Carla and J.C.they belonged together forever. Like all Internet daters,
the first sight is a well-worried moment full of fear of computer chem•
istry fizzling out into real-world disappointment. However, after a week
of e-mails, this couple swallowed their trepidation with a big bite of
McDonald's cherry pie. What? Why?
For those who don't know, Carla's hometown of Traverse City, Mich.,
is the cherry capital of the world. J.C:sromantic gesture was to surprise
her with two delectable red treats when she reached Carla's doorstep for
the first time.
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But pies were only the beginning. Romantic J.C.stepped up her
game, wooing her sweetie with surprise trips to Santa Fe, N.M., an
opera in Atlanta, and ultimately, Ft. Myers Beach, Fla., where she popped
the question under a starry sky, waves crashing and sweeping between
their sandy toes. The grand finale of Carla's "yes" flared coincidentally
with fireworks overhead.
~
May 2007
I51
~WEDDING SPECIAL~
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June21,2003 ~ Austin,
Texas
For a lesbian wedding planner, it's difficult to plan the dream day for
legions of straight couples, knowing you can't get legally married yoursel£
There are ups and downs to it, says Lily Watson.
When you go to the brides' rooms to clean up afterward and find the mar~
riage license in the corner of the room, stepped on or torn, when you overhear
the happy couple fighting during the reception or find out that the groom has
slept with one of the male servers at the bachelor party - an all~too~common
scenario in Lily's world - it gets pretty tough.
But don't underestimate the perks of being a pro, especially when one is
planning her own event. Watson's inside knowledge of the biz helped her plan
the perfect day without the extra expense of hiring someone. Drawing from
their families' cultural backgrounds, the two lovebirds wove Mexican customs
throughout the ceremony, like a unity candle and the traditional groom's gift
to his new bride: a bag of coins to demonstrate his desire to provide for her.
Only this time, the brides gave each other bags.
One perk of a lesbian marriage? Less pressure to change your last name.
Besides, being a wedding planner and changing her name to Lily White might
be a little too corny and, in Lily's opinion, painful.
As with any industry, planning weddings has its pros and cons, no matter
who constitutes the couple. "But most of the time, I'll see two people look at
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each other with love and affection, happiness and pride, and realize that this
is what weddings are about;' admits Watson. "Whether you're a gay, lesbian or
straight couple, it's all about love:'
Aug.5, 2006 ~ Oakland,
California
"Why do birds suddenly appear ... " Is it love, or is it the
wedding cake?
When Erin and Vanessa took a trip to visit Erin's family in
Seattle in 2005, they introduced Vanessa to the fam as a"friend:'
But one evening atop the Space Needle, a casual conversation
turned into an honest discussion of marriage. The possibilities
became real expectations as the two set a date.
"So were going to get married next summer?'' asked Erin.
"It sounds like it;' replied Vanessa.
"Friend" would now forever be lover to both of their fami~
lies. Both born in Catholic households, a civil union was just the
key to show their family that their marital bond was recognized
under the eyes of God.
The couple arranged a casual, makeshift wedding as a joyous
affair of declaring love and lifelong promise - and don't forget
the birds.
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Sept.9, 2006 ~ Washington,
What do a living room, a poem and a tent make:' An outdoor camping proposal
turned indoor improvisation. With one knee on the living room floor and the other
on a blown-up air mattress, Jenn Gagnon spoke a four-lined poem and pulled out
the ring.
But the proposals didn't stop there. Nicole, too, wanted the chance to proclaim
her love and commitment as the proposer, not just the proposee. She decided to
pop the knee to pop the question at a nostalgic place for the couple, a government
building of all places. On the way to the Jefferson Memorial, Nicole confessed that
she had a surprise for Jenn. They walked over to the steps, and Nicole handed Jenn
a keychain with a grain of rice etched with the itty-bitty words "marry me:'
After one fired wedding planner, two ruined wedding dresses, three trips to the
seamstress and a $400 nondenominational officiate, their Maine wedding was a
success, topped with a dollop of whipped cream on both of their noses.
All totaled up, it doesn't amount to the thousand-plus rights that a heterosexual
marriage enables, of course. However, "[it] doesn't mean that our love isn't real;'
says Jenn.
Put that in a haiku.
May 2007 j 53
~ WEDDING
SPECIAL~
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Oct.14,2005 ~ Oakland,
California
Most brides would flip their lid if they discovered spiders on their wedding cake, but not Casey and Beth.
Their ceremony was covered in spiders, along with skeletons, coffins, pumpkins and bats. Yep, in honor
of their favorite holiday they threw a Halloween-themed wedding, witches and all.
A wedding cake cut with a cleaver, guests dressed up in scary garb, drinks served out of cauldrons and
speakers blaring out"Monster Mash:' Not the wedding for everyone, but perfect for this unique couple.
It wasn't all gags and giggles. A devout Buddhist, Beth invited guests to participate in a traditional tea
ceremony, in which everyone has three drinks of tea to symbolize the union of the families.
Though slightly surreal, the wedding was the serious union of a loving pair and an occasion for
friends and family to come together, celebrating the union. For Casey's parents, the day was a realization
that their daughter's relationship was something real and true, plastic spiders be damned.
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Nov.27,2004 ~ Maile,Hawaii
Ah, the idyllic Hawaiian honeymoon: sipping a Mai Tai with your soul mate on the golden white sands
of paradise. Now, don't be jealous, but Hawaiian natives Malia and Leilani got to skip the plane and
simply walk out their front door for the beach wedding of their dreams.
But it wasn't all cake and hula dancing. Pre-ceremony, Malia, Leilani and their friends earned money for the food and dress - aloha attire of course - by selling pastille plates. As for the wedding, the
details fell meticulously into place, perfectly planned.
But no one can plan the weather. A week before the wedding date, both Malia and Leilani were enjoying their last-moment not-hitched parties, when Leilani's party got rained out. Thank goodness for strip
joints and drag shows, those bastions of debauchery that faithfully serve brides-to-be in rain or in shine.
Even in paradise, the skies can be cloudy, but Malia and Leilani vow to weather the storm together.
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It's that old cliche, rain on your wedding day. During one of the worst storms
in Reno, Nevada's history, Tiffany and Bridgette's would-be small family
wedding turned into a smaller friends-and-one-sister ceremony. Opting to
avoid the snow and dangerous road conditions, the couple stayed at home
in Union City, Cali£ and said their wedding
vows in front of their crystal Christmas tree.
With only 24 hours of planning, their 10year relationship became official, complete
with a nondenominational minister, a few
close friends and the personal vows that they
recited to each other.
Tiffany wore a traditional black tuxedo,
borrowed from a gay boyfriend. Worried
that the minister would be startled to know
that this was a transgender lesbian relationship, she opted to look butch and
disguise themselves as a straight couple.
After the brides kissed and the minister was waved to her car, Tiffany
quickly jumped into a black dress to complement Bridgette's tight red one.
They headed down to the old Hayward Fishery to toast
their commitment to one another.
Ten years and one baby girl later, this "alternative" relationship has weathered the traditional relationship storms
and some unique ones as well. Acquaintances thought they
might fail due to the difficulty of gender transition on a
couple.
"She is the one who saved me - my angel;' Tiffany
says."She said I was OK, and that we'll figure it all out, and
we have. She is my world:'
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What should a butch
How about an Indian sherwani? By Katia Hetter
Thequestionofwhattowearconcernedmygirlfriend,Kim,more
than a year before we actually planned to have a ceremony.
My girl looks dashing in her suit tailored at Billy Blue's
shop in San Francisco, but she hesitated to simply choose
another suit. She wanted something special.
My friend Mitra, born in Brooklyn to Indian immigrant
parents who are now settled in New Jersey, provided the
answer. At Mitra's wedding in New Brunswick, N. J., her fiance
wore the most elegant tan sherwani, a long coatlike garment
worn close to the body by men, buttoned up in front or worn
open, falling slightly below the knee.
A popular outfit for grooms at Indian weddings, a sherwani is often worn over loose pants known as salwars, or tightfitting ones that bunch around the ankle, known as churidar.
That, Kim said, was what she wanted to wear. Now, how
should we get one:' There are two distinctly South Asian
neighborhoods in the tri-state area. We could try to shop in
Jackson Heights, Queens, where Indians live and work side
by side with Pakistanis and Bangladeshis. Or we could go to
Edison, N. J., where one in three residents is from India.
When Kim and I talked about shopping for her outfit,
we realized we were both nervous about any homophobia we
might encounter. It wasn't that we thought Indians were more
homophobic than Italians (Kim's heritage) or Cubans (my
heritage), but we knew how to yell at our respective communities for their discrimination. Kim would be hurt if we were
hassled while choosing her wedding outfit; I knew I'd cry.
Did other lesbians - Indian or not - shop in the men's
department at an Indian store:' We had no idea if other butches
had figured out how cool Indian men's suits were.
Mitra didn't know what the day might bring, saying she'd
had bad experiences with Indian shopkeepers even as a straight,
second generationer. She offered to come along to help out. A
journalist with extensive contacts in the South Asian community, she also e-mailed her South Asian lesbian posse, asking
them to recommend Indian stores.
"Who knows:"' was their reply. None of her friends had
tried to buy Indian men's suits before. Since several were about
to have wedding ceremonies, they wanted us - the Cuban
and the Italian - to tell them if we found good, dyke-friendly
May 2007
I55
~ WEDDING
SPECIALroe
service at any Indian clothing stores.
Mitra decided to start us in Jackson Heights, N.Y., home to
a large gay immigrant population. If any Indian clothing salespeople would understand women buying men's outfits, we figured they'd be in Jackson Heights. If we couldn't find anything,
we'd head to New Jersey.
We left our lesbian enclave in Brooklyn's Park Slope neighborhood one Sunday morning and drove to India Sari Palace.
Mitra had not yet arrived. The store was filled with saris and
sari material. Where were the men's suits?
"Can I help you?" an older saleswoman asked as she
approached us.
''I'd like a suit;' Kim said.
I was relieved to see the saleswoman didn't look shocked.
She walked us over to a glass-covered counter and started
to pull out men's clothing, folded and stacked like pajamas.
Maybe she'd done this before?
"Oh, what a beautiful kurta;' Mitra said, rushing into the
shop to rescue us. She picked up the outfit."Try it on!"
Kim tried it on. Right color (burgundy), wrong look
(pajamas).
"I think we looked for my husband's wedding outfit here;'
Mitra said. "What can you do for us on the price? I know we
didn't pay that·much for his suit:'
She negotiated the price down to $150. "Really, nothing
lower? This one isn't even that formal. We'll think about it.
We need to eat:'
After a snack of chicken, beef kabobs and chai at Kebab
King, Mitra led us to Karisma, another store in Jackson
Heights. That's where Kim realized her instincts were right.
It wasn't that she wanted to buy the $700, three-quarterlength, cream-colored coat she was wearing. The lovely bur-
underneath wouldn't settle down on her chest. The coat was
pretty, and Kim didn't mind that the saleswomen kept referring to her as "he:' That is, until they figured out that the shirt,
cut for the fl.at chest of a man, wouldn't settle down because
of her breasts.
Mitra and I kept making Kim try on colored shirt separates
underneath the coat, still hoping to buy it, but we couldn't find
anything to match. "It's beautiful stitching; it looks so nice;'
said one saleswoman. She wanted the sale, too.
At Silver Tulip, the owner helped a mother with her daughter, a shy teen trying on a lehenga choli - a bright, sequined,
three-piece outfit showing off her midriff - for her sweet 16
party.
We started looking at suits when a saleswoman, looking
surprised, asked Kim, "For you?" Kim laughed, telling her, "It'll
be OK:' Disarmed, the woman laughed, too and started helping her look.
We found a very pretty embroidered coat, but the wild
burgundy shirt underneath convinced me that Sgt. Pepper
himself had worn that suit. The owner's daughter, all of 15
years old, tried to persuade Kim to buy it. "Brocade is the latest
thing. It's very hot right now;' she said.
"No;' I said. It was my first rejection of the day. I didn't
want to sway Kim, but I had promised to be brutally honest
with my girlfriend. I couldn't let her look like a member of my
high school marching band.
After several glasses of sugar cane juice with ginger and
lime and a few plates of chaat, we returned to shopping,
pumped up on sugar.
At Kadambari, Kim found a cream-colored three-quarterlength coat and vest with simple gold trim. The vest could be
removed when it was time to dance at the wedding, and it
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gundy brocade vest wasn't right for her (we could see her bra
when she lifted her arms). But she knew she liked this style.
She knew she'd find her wedding suit that day.
Mitra negotiated 30 percent off the price anyway, arguing
with the saleswoman who wouldn't set the suit aside for us.
"It's still early, and it's going to be a very busy sales day;' the
saleswoman said.
That's when I realized, of course, that the saleswoman
wanted the sale. That she'd bargain with Mitra or Kim or me,
and she didn't care who bought the suit.
We headed to Edison, N.J., hopeful that Kim's wedding suit
would be there. We visited seven or eight different shops tucked
into the little strip malls along Oak Tree Road, which straddles
both Edison and the neighboring town of Woodbridge.
At Aishwarya, we found a wonderful, white three-quarterlength coat covered in gold trim, but the gold trim on the kurta
56
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didn't require any tailoring. The men's tunic-like pants would
never fit, but we could find cream-colored pants in her size.
The price tag read $425, but by that time I knew that was
negotiable, even in English. "What price can you give us?" Mitra
asked, switching between English and Hindi. Negotiating with
the two saleswomen, she got it down to $350.
I played my part in the negotiation. Standing outside the
dressing room, I asked Kim, "Do you like this suit or the suit at
the other shop better? The one with the gold jacker:•
"I know this price would be better if my husband were
here;' said Mitra, repeating a line that had reduced a suit's price
at many shops. "What if we paid cash?"
Kim headed to the ATM while we guarded the suit. The
final price was $300.
Now I just have to find a dress. Sadly, I doubt I'll find it in
a single day. ■
BUT NOT AT HOME
Weddings abroad can be pure pleasure with the help
of an event consultant. By Asiana Ponciano
Imagine reciting vows on a vibrant sandy beach or saying, "I do" in a verdant
topiary garden. An exotic overseas wedding could be anything from relaxing
to adventurous, but working out the details can be daunting and stressful. To
avoid a nerve-wracking matrimony, consider hiring an event consultant.
guidance and even fireworks coordination. Harrison and her team offer free
consultations through their Web site, simplyweddingscompany.co.uk.
Though based in Great Britain, Simply Weddings also coordinates samesex wedding ceremonies in Italy. According to the company's international
manager, Annalisa Mongio, the country can be a romantic and friendly wed-
Aloha, Love Birds!
ding destination despite its non-recognition of same-sex unions.
England, though, has been recognizing civil partnerships since 2005.
According to the United Kingdom's General Register Office, a couple must be
living in a registered location for at kast seven days before submitting a partner-
Unions in Paradise founders Maureen Reggie, a former Hollywood event
coordinator, and Kiersten Stein, a fine art and journalistic photographer,
create memorable unions in Hawaii on the island of Maui. The self-described
"concierge-style company" offers services such as minister selection, decor
ship request. Only seven days? They must know how lesbians work. ■
assistance and photography.
Beyond the picturesque settings, Maui is an ideal location because Hawaii
legally recognizes same-sex partnerships, known as reciprocal beneficiary
relationships. In order to have a recognized reciprocal beneficiary relationship,
couples must register with Hawaii's Department of Health.
Unions In Paradise offers packages which
include varying services and start from $1,675.
Vacationing newlyweds can also recruit Reggie and
Stein's help on booking lodging, island activities
and spa treatments.
Stein suggests that when planning a wedding,
couples should be knowledgeable of local vendors
who cater to the LGBT community because bridesto-be should not have to concern themselves with
adjusting comfort levels."Maui and its surrounding
islands offer a diverse selection of activities, dining
and landscapes .... You can get it here, so if your
budget allows, don't skimp;' said Stein.
Fit For a Queen
If you picture your wedding to be less tropic and
more dapper, then Penni Harrison, owner and
director of The Simply Weddings Company, can
plan an English engagement fit for royalty. A former restaurant owner, Harrison has planned more
than 100 weddings and also specializes in catering,
including gourmet hors d'oeuvres, fish, meat and
vegetarian menu options.
Engaged partners can use The Simple Weddings
Company for a gambit of wedding tasks: booking
a venue, floral and table arrangements, guest list
WITH THIS RING
If print ads and celebrity endorsements aren't enough to wow you, perhaps a starring role on Logo will. So
who's the star? The designer wedding
rings from gay designer Udi Behr's
Love and Pride line, online at
loveandpride.com. The high-end
designer jewelry, created especially for
the gay and lesbian community has
been a hit since their launch, and now
they've got a starring role on Logo's
reality TV show First Comes Love.
When Denika Wheat and her
betrothed, Mandy McMillen, vowed
their love and commitment on a spring
episode of the show, they received a
bonus wedding gift.
"One of the biggest surprises was
when Behr presented us with his
stunning collection of rings to choose
from," Wheat says.
Though Behr initially struggled to
finance his collection after jewelry
affiliates rejected the line, today it's
becoming a bit of a Hollywood darling.
The latest fan? Lesbian actor Honey
Labrador, who partnered with Behr
and Showtime's The L Word to come
up with a new collection of sexy
designer rings (that don't need to wait
for a wedding proposal) as part of the
new 'Lements of Style line.
Even if you're not in the market for
happily ever after, you may find one of
Labrador's couture collection on your
own finger soon. If you do, feel good
knowing 10 percent of all Love and
Pride profits are donated to Lambda
Legal to help the fight for marriage
equality. - Azania Baker
May 2007
I57
There are many rites of passage in the life of a lesbian: coming out to the parents, your first
Pride parade, your first sex toy and, of course, getting that first dykey haircut. But where to go?
So many women complain that stylists in mainstream salons make them look too femmy (and
not in an actual "femme" way), and it takes a lot of guts to walk into the local barber shop to
get a clipper cut no matter how much you've embraced your butchiness. In the past, chopping
off the long locks was a ritual performed by friends in bathrooms, but more and more lesbians
have opened their own salons, to give dykes the look they want.
JennyOxier,Reno,Nev.
Jenny Oxier, known to clients and fans as simply Jenny-O,
worked in mainstream salons for years before opening her
own Reno salon, the ultrahip Salon 7. Tired of being closeted at work, she sought to create a salon where both stylists and clients could be themselves. Having only paid for
one advertisement, Jenny-O drew in most of her lesbian
and transgender clientele through word of mouth.
"I kind of jumped on the gay train without even realiz-
future, and we will continue to encourage discussion surrounding safer sex among queers:'
ing it;' she says, recalling that her salon offered up the only
real float in Reno's Gay Pride Parade that first year.
Aside from being an LGBTrun establishment, Salon
7 is more than just a place to get your hair cut. They play
Lucky 13 salon in Columbus, Ohio has been catering
to the lesbian community for years. Owner Kathleen
Hildenbrand knew that Columbus had a large populatio·n
of alternative youth and decided to open her salon there.
music, serve beer and wine, and annually throw two massive parties. It has become a place for queer and trans youth
to hang out, providing a great alternative to the bar scene.
On any given night of the week, folks gather at the salon
"I wanted to combine the best of both worlds, the convenience of a chain salon with the creativity and talent of
a high-end salon:'
Priding itself on "No pretension, no attitude, just great
hair at great prices;' Lucky 13 doesn't have the "hipper
than thou" feel, but nevertheless attracts a diverse clientele
instead of the local bars.
A Reno native, Oxier admits she feels a definite
responsibility to her queer community.
"If anything happened to (Salon 7], a lot of my stylists
would have nowhere to work. The younger gay kids and
transgender (individuals] would have nowhere to go:'
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wanted to provide a safe, comfortable atmosphere for
people to come and hang out, and the two are dedicated to
promoting lesbian sexual health.
"We plan to start offering free dental dams, latex gloves
and condoms at the entrance to our store in the very near
community.
Despite their neighborhood's large lesbian community,
the queer girls in town were devoid of a salon that served
their needs, prior to Revolution .
"Our sign in the window that reads, 'Lesbian Haircuts
for Anyone (and Bike Shop)' was definitely a joke at first,
but it stuck;' Levine says. ''.Almost immediately, everyone
Ohio
Columbus,
Hildenbrand,
Kathleen
and a huge lesbian following.
"I think some lesbians come to support a gay-owned
business, which is great;' Hildenbrand says. "But I think
most come because they don't have to be embarrassed to
ask for a clipper cut if they want one or hide the fact that
they have a girlfriend. Plus, our stylists are cute, which
doesn't hurt:'
Lowcost,highquality
Besides serving up good music and booze, these establishments have another important thing in common. While
mainstream salon cuts can cost upward of $70 for even a
basic cut, these salons keep the price down without sacrificing quality. Salon 7, for instance, offers a gay discount
and a "soft butch" price. But don't bother calling weeks in
who came in to to get their bike fixed, wanted a hair cut, and
vice versa;' Flowers adds.
In addition to hair and bike services, Revolution also
hosts numerous queer events such as movie screenings, art
shows and sex toy workshops. Both Levine and Flowers
advance; Lucky 13 doesn't take appointments and Salon 7
welcomes walk-ins. The combination of low cost and low
stress make these salons great choices for lesbian clientele.
More than just beauty parlors, these salons have played
a role in their local communities, giving all types of people
a place to hang out, have a beer, listen to some music and,
from top ldi: ·11,l' ,hi,k, hl'hind Rl'\olution \lontn·.tl,
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in the case of Revolution Montreal, get their bike fixed.
It's not just about getting the look you want, but creating
a comfortable atmosphere where both LGBT clients and
employees can be themselves without fear of judgment. ■
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A MAN'SPERSPECTIVE
Cuttinghairisn'tjustfor girls.Trans
hasbeen
manLanceForney(above)
cuttinghairfor morethan15years.He
salonsall over
hasworkedin numerous
thecountrybutfinallyfounda homeat
Salonin Seattle.
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he
transition,
of hiscontinuing
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neverfelt likehefit intothepink-collar
salonworldandwanteda placewhere
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comfortable.
"Mostof theothersalonsI worked
for wouldtell methatmyclientsare
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I welcomed
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of people,includingothertransgender
people,FTMandMTF.I wouldget
clientsthatnooneelsewantedto deal
with;thosewhowere'different."'
photosof his
HisWebsiteprovides
widerangeof clienteleanddemonstratesthespectrumof histalent.From
clippercutsandflat topsto longlocks
andshockingcolor,it seemslikeForney
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givingthemjustthelooktheywant,it is
to himthattheychoose
alsoimportant
theirstylesfor therightreasons.
issuesin thepastwith
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maleperspective.
May 2007
I59
Rodriguez met Loken a couple of years ago when they worked together in
Romania filming the vampire saga BloodRayne,written by an L Word alum, lesbian actor Guinevere Turner. Loken told FHM that she and Rodriguez would
"hang out, drink a lot of crappy vodka and hit the clubs. One of them had a pool
inside it. We would go, get really drunk and end up swimming in it by the end
of the night:' When quizzed about whether they'd made out, though, Loken
replied, "That's the $64,000 question. Um ... I plead the fifth on that:'
Then last November, The Advocategot Loken to open up even more, when
she openly alluded to their intimate relationship. Author Michelle Kort later
gushed, "Forget Portia and Ellen, Melissa and Tammy Lynn, Rosie and Kelli:
Kristanna is suddenly half of the hottest celesbian couple in the land:'
Becoming a Celesbian
Speculation about Rodriguez's bisexuality has run rampant ever since her
debut in the critically acclaimed Girl.fightas a troubled teen who decides to
channel her aggression by training to become a boxer. Rodriguez didn't box
and she had never auditioned for a speaking role in a movie, but but it was yet
another of her long string of go-for-broke moves - "If you don't play the lottery, you'll never win;' she said - that has gotten her to where she is today.
Rodriguez won the part - over the other 300 or so actors who auditioned - and went into serious training for four and a half months, up to six
days a week, at Brooklyn's Gleason's Gym.
She excelled at the training ("I like taking my body to its limits;' she told
Time after Girl.fightbecame a hit at Sundance), and was even encouraged to
go pro with a boxing career. But Rodriguez was already set on a career in
Hollywood.
Born July 12, 1978, in Bexar County, Texas, Mayte Michelle Rodriguez
had the kind of hardscrabble childhood that filmmakers love. The daughter
of an alcoholic father and a deeply religious mother, Rodriguez (and some
of her 10 siblings) moved around as a kid, from Texas to the Dominican
Republic to Puerto Rico to New Jersey. She was also raised in the Jehovah's
Witness faith by her devout grandmother. It was a spiritual path that eventually took its toll.
"I went to church with my dress on until I was 13. I knocked on people's
doors, thinking I was saving their lives, until I was 13. I lived that life until it
was too boring and monotonous for me. I'm grateful for the Jehovah's Witness
teachings because it made me more careful. I have a sense of borderlines that I
wouldn't have gotten elsewhere. But ... I needed to break free from all that:'
After expulsion from six different schools, Rodriguez left school at 17
- graduating with an equivalency diploma - and settled in Jersey City, N.J.,
ready to pursue a career as an actor.
Ignoring the Labels
After Girl.fighthit Sundance - and won the Grand Jury Prize - Rodriguez
was famous almost overnight. For a time it seemed every entertainment magazine featured Rodriguez in article extolling her as the next big thing. Make
that the next sexy Latina big thing. The quickness to label her - by magazines, by Hollywood executives - was bothersome, says Rodriguez.
"I don't want people thinking of me sexually;' she says. She admits that the
sort of sexualization that actors endure is deflating. She tries to ignore it but
knows that's how the game is played in Tinseltown. "No matter what, people
are so narrow-minded that it won't ever be Michelle Rodriguez, the actress. It
will always be Michelle Rodriguez, the Latin actress:'
These days Rodriguez is getting used to it. "People need labels;' she
admits. But she's bucked convention by turning down plum roles that she
thought might sexualize her (such as a cuckold wife on DesperateHousewives)
or marginalize her via her cultural roots (the role that went to Thandie
Newton in Crash)and took a series of gritty girl parts in S.W.A.T., The Fast
and the Furious,Blue Crush and ResidentEvil. And tough cop Ana- Lucia on
Lost, the role that scored her millions of fans. That's because Ana-Lucia, like
Rodriguez, is a bit of an everygirl - she's not a fashionista, she's not a helpless
twit, she's not not interested in playing the hero's girlfriend. The actor admits
she likes to shake people up, on-screen and off, to make sure they listen to
what she is saying.
"I think the best way to do that is to sniff my armpits, and like, sit and
burp every now and then. It just completely throws people off:'
Rodriguez says she's not interested in hot, sexy shower scenes, either,
calling that kind of acting an "easy"path to success.
Along with playing feisty characters in gritty movies, Rodriguez is also
known for a lifetime of making trouble. It gives her, perhaps, the one label she
has been unable to esccape: the bad girl. Between 2002 (when the star was
arrested for assaulting her roommate) and 2006 (when she was sentenced to
60 days in jail for a DUI), Rodriguez has fought misdemeaner charges for a
hit-and-run, drunken driving, driving with a suspended license, and driving
85 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone. After pleading no contest to the latest of
the DUI charges, the brassy actor spent just two days in jail and found herself
working in the morgue at two New York City hospitals. After community
service came a three-month stint in rehab and another three years of probation. The rehab, the morgue, the hit-and-run all seemed like unlikely moves
for a Hollywood A-lister who isn't named Robert Downey,Jr.
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keep goingat it with the
same fantasyformula,"saysRodriguez,
"andit affectswomen becauseit'sthe
fantasiesof these old white men. It'sall
about satisfyingtheiregos, and I see it
throughthe work. It'sall so predictable."
Debates about Rodrigueis
bad girl ways are second only to those
jail for a few days than be told what to do for a month:'
Rodriguez served just 65 hours behind bars and was released, only to be
about her sexuality. She's not hiding, but she's not shouting about her personal life from the rooftops either. But make no mistake: If anyone's
told she was going back to jail, this time because the Kailua arrest violated her
calling the shots in Rodrigueis life, it's the actor hersel£ Which is why she turns
down choice roles, sometimes with an air of indignation. ("Screenwriters keep
parole. When she reported back - this time in May in Los Angeles - she
spent just four hours and 27 minutes in a cell before being released again, this
going at it with the same fantasy formula;' she told reporters, "and it affects
women because it's the fantasies of these old white men. It's all about satisfying
time because of overcrowding and budget problems. A spokesman for the city
their egos, and I see it through the work. It's all so predictable:')
insisted that it was part of a book-and-release program, typical for nonviolent
offenders with sentences of less than 90 days.
When she was offered a part in the second season of Lost, Rodriguez
Amid all this, Rodriguez didn't mince words: "After this, I'm moving to
accepted on the condition that she would only sign for one year because she
knew she'd have to settle down in Hawaii during filming. She says she's too
much of a "nomadic spirit" to settle. Still, the producers came up with the
London or to France. I'll do what I got to do, and then I'm leaving the country
and never coming back:'
One reason she's been upset: the ankle bracelet she had to wear, 18
juicy role of Ana-Lucia Cortez, a tough, unpopular ex-cop that viewers loved
months after her DUI, to the Marc Jacobs Fashion Week party in New
to hate.
"I liked parts of Ana-Lucia;' she says. "She's strong. I like strong women.
She's structured and she stands on her own two feet. She has conviction. I
York this February. The bracelet, she says, "registers your sweat glands for
alcohol content:' The actor couldn't cover the bracelet up so she took pride in
admire a person with their own voice and opinions:•
and"Orwell" (to remind others that Big Brother is watching).
Keeping to Herself
The 28-year-old wasn't the first of the Lost cast pulled over by police in
Hawaii; eight of the castmembers have gotten tickets for traffic violations
On the Lost set -
known for its frequent weekend get-togethers and mid-
of some sort, including a DUI for Cynthia Watros, given just moments
night oceanic skinny-dipping - Rodriguez mostly kept to herself, living
alone on the North Shore of Hawaii. Weary of cars, crowds and cityscapes,
Rodriguez says she wanted to "be near nature and look at the ocean" outside
after Rodriguez got hers. Fellow castmate Josh Holloway came to Rodriguez's
defense, saying that Hawaii police were targeting the Lost cast.
the jungle of Honolulu. But even outside Hollywood, Rodriguez's hard-partying ways soon caught up with her, and she was pulled over by Honolulu
police multiple times. Once, when she was arrested on charges of weaving
along an island freeway while drunk, she reportedly screamed and yelled at
officers, at one point daring them to "put a gun to my head and shoot me:• She
showing it off below her Marc Jacobs dress, where she had scrawled "1984"
Recently, Rodriguez completed Battle in Seattle, a documentary-like film
chat focuses on a dozen characters swept up in the protests which brought the
World Trade Organization's meeting to a halt. Between 40,000 and 60,000
people protested against the WTO's Third Ministerial on Nov. 30, 1999.
They converged on Seattle to express their concerns about the power of cor-
had to be carried into the police station because it was reported that she sat
porations, globalization, and the gap between fantasies of the good life and
the real lives of working people everywhere. Written and directed by Irish
down in the garage and stubbornly refused to stand up.
Rodriguez was later contrite, first blaming her allergy-relieving steroids
- "I wasn't right in my head. None of that verbal behavior was directed
actor Stuart Townsend, it stars his girlfriend, Charlize Theron, as a pregnant
bystander who loses her child in the melee of protests.
Theron's character is one chat's right up Rodriguez's alley: she likes smart,
towards them. It was directed towards myself;' she told Cosmo UK - and
later she was recalcitrant. Instead of making excuses, Rodriguez said simply,
tough, together women. Though she isn't interested in talking about her
sexuality, Rodriguez's doesn't hold back when she talks about being
a feminist.
'Tm just a human being, and I screw up sometimes:'
Rodriguez's friends and family have said that she's a girl who never had
money before, she never had a car before, she never even had a license before
"Society's definition of women creates so much anger;' she insists. Women
get forced to straddle lines, even more so in Hollywood, where you can never
she had to train for The Fast and the Furious.
Upon sentencing, Rodriguez chose to serve five days in a Honolulu jail
rather than do 240 hours of community service on Oahu. She was given a day
to put her affairs in order before she was incarcerated. Her reasoning for the
appear too tough or too feminine to the men with power. Rodriguez, who
jail time was simple: "If I'm gonna do something for the community, I need to
do that on my own accord;' she told reporters after her stint. ''I'd rather be in
won't be satisfied unless I know how to use it:'
perfers her brain over her body, is simply trying to keep things real.
Though she's one of the hottest women on screens today, Rodriguez says
she gives little thought to her appearance. It's her brain chat matters to her. "I
Now chat's worth fighting for. ■
May 2007
I63
0
Make Mom
Skip the bottle of Jean Nate and floral
sachets and give that mom in your life
something she'll actually use.
64
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e
1. It's Raining Women
These wry graphic umbrellas feature
artists or like Frida Kahlo, Georgia
O'Keefe, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia
Plath. $22, literaryluminaries.biz
2. Skip the Briefcase
Give her this alternative, a sexy red
tote. $45, bisadora.com
Happy
barfly and high tea.
$34 and up, bespokeboxes.com
6. Crocodile Mama
These whimsical Argentian sterling
silver salt and pepper shakers make
perfect gifts; we like the Hatching
Baby Crocodile set. $475 and up,
tartontheweb.com
3. Cowgirl Chocolates
Skip Hallmark and support a
woman-owned business by giving
one of life's finest indulgences
from Cowgirl Chocolates. There
are plenty to choose from including
Spicy Truffles, Habanero Caramels,
Double Dark Chocolate Chunk
Cocoa Powder and Mildly Spicy
Peanut Butter Truffles. Prices vary,
cowgirlchocolates.com
7. Brighten Her World
She'll light up when she opens
these hip luminaries from Jonathan
Adler of Top Design fame.
$375, jonathanadler.com
4. Not Just for Kids
Pop-art lunchboxes from Dark
Horse and La-La Land Gallery's
exhibit, such as Amanda Viselle's "A
Robot Wants My Lunch Box."
$15, TFAW.com
9. Dress Me Up, Dress Me Down
With the cute iDog she can plug in
her MP3s and play tunes and dress
up with precious sweaters and ear
warmers. $10 and up, hasbro.com
5. One of a Kind
Bespoke Boxes lets you create a
grab bag gift with themes like spa,
8. Change Is Easy
Pineapple Cove's embroidered.
gorgeous Simple Change collection
makes diaper changes look chic.
$25, pineapplecove.com
10. DIV Delight
Perfectly pink TweezLights tweezers
are sweet for crafty chicks. $15,
tweezlight.com
May 2007
I65
Reviews
Sapphic Screen
Family Matters
It's Mother's Day. Time to bond.
IBy Candace Moore
MEREDITH
BAXTER
ALERT!
It felt like likea Family
Tiesreunionrecently
whenMeredithBaxter
playedan advice-wielding momonthe ratings-poordramaWhat
AboutBrian?ButBaxter
(above)
tookthewhole
thinga little bit further
thanmere'80snostalgia
with herroleas Deena's
mom,Frankie,a lesbian
whois ratheroutspoken These hard-to-find indie releases are worth the hunt. All three
aboutall thingswoman intelligently convey issues that arise for our families, including
(shestartsherfirst act
coming out to folks back home, fighting court battles for equal
bytellingfolksthat
rights under the law and creating alternative family structures
hergirlfriendstill has
that work.
the bodyof a 35-yearold).Sheshookupthe
Family Reunion (No 9 Productions)
show,alreadyoneof
This Sundance short by director Isold Uggad6ttir brings a
myfavorites(because
I
like Rosanna
Arquette, quirky, punky, Icelandic twist to the classic coming-out story.
gaynanniesandgeeky Katrin (Adalbjorg Arnad6ttir) greets her sweetie in the streets of
boys)with herfiery New York with her hands full of shopping bags, all gifts for her
feministstyleandsexy relatives back home. The two vintage-clad late-20-somethings
banterandby making cutely return to their pad all smiles - until Katrin's girlfriend
DeenaandDavelearn interrupts the snuggle-fest. She wants to join Katrin on the flight
signlanguageinstead to Iceland to
finally meet the parents. Katrin responds with an
of draggingtheirfeet
uncomfortable no, and we soon see why.
andhopingfor a kid who
Upon arrival in her homel~nd, Katrin's drunken ex-boycanhear.Baxter'sscene
friend
slurs crude remarks; her mom dresses her all in virginal
with heron-screen
white;
all the women in her family want to do at their gathering
daughter,
donealmost
is
point
out hard-working and handsome Icelandic chaps, citentirelyin signlanguage,
wasoneof the show's ing fears that Katrin is dating a man of a different ethnicity or
best.(fox.com)-Diane nationality in America. After a trip to the bathroom to vomit
Anderson-Minshall from nervousness, however, Katrin learns that perhaps her
family reunion is not quite what she's assumed or constructed,
and that maybe there is a little room for open-mindedness in
her homeland. (no9productions.com)
Freeheld (Cynthia Wade)
Winner of a Special Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival,
this Cynthia Wade documentary relies largely on handheld
camerawork to give a carefully angled, close-up and personal
approach to its look at Laurel Hester. A retired officer with
swiftly spreading lung cancer, Hester earned her pension serv-
66 I curve
ing 25 years on the Ocean County police force. Among her
former colleagues, she's considered courageous under pressure,
a sharp shot and an absolute asset to the local community. Yet
Hester's life partner, Stacy, may lose their family home after
she passes away, since the party in control in their New Jersey
county, the Freeholders, won't allow gays and lesbians to pass
benefits on to their domestic partners. This no-holds-barred
film provocatively documents the many official battles waged
inside Freeholder meetings for Hester's right to leave her pension to whom she wishes, and touchingly looks bedside at the
battles Hester must wage for her life. (freeheld.com)
Dear Gabe (Alexandra Juhasz)
Alexandra Juhasz's video letter to her son is a lyrical epistolary
film mixing fly-on-the-wall footage, interviews, home movies and
photographs to explore families created out of love. Gabe is 3 at
the film's beginning and has a slightly older sister, Simone, and
two mommies: one Jewish, Juhasz, and one African American,
Cheryl Dunye (director of The WatermelonWomen). Fashioning
a family using their own rites, Juhasz and Dunye were inseminated by the same close friend. Though the two women shared
lives and raised young children together, they've since separated.
Through the film, Juhasz describes to her son and to viewers
how families can be created through queer or straight partnerships, friendships and other alliances; can be of mixed racial,
ethnic, and religious makeups; and although they may change
over time, their bonds and ties remain. Dear Gabe centers on
the differently structured families Juhasz's five female friends
have created more than a decade after college, to show that what
underlies them, love, is consistent. The film is intimate - we are
let inside a mother's direct address to her son and a handful of
women's homes and personal details - yet it universally resonates. (pzacad.pitzer.edu/~ajuhasz) ■
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slowlytearat theseamsandplay
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Agnesis
directorOskarRoehler.
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characof theseway-off-edge
Agnesoffers
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five(male)steelmillworkers
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andquestioning
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Thoughit's a movieaboutmen,
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largelystillconsiders
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A gaycouple,a manstruggling
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traditional
Badly(Shout
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Factory):
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thisshowwhenit wasontelevi- er,package,
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in Bastardoutof Carolina
henailedso well it nearlyruined
hiscareerandhisrelationships Motherland
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Afghanistan
withwomen),I still believethat
Onein seven
RunFeatures):
hada hidden
RobSchneider
todaydies
womeninAfghanistan
feministagenda,andit brought in childbirth.
Mojadidi,
Dr.Qudrat
beautifulJustineBatemanback
anAfghanwhomadehishomein
to the smallscreen.Faceit, it
returnsto his
States,
theUnited
wasa longtime betweenFamily war-ravaged
to helprehomeland
Tiesandthis 1996show.Based buildandmodernize
thehospitals
ona Britishseries,Menpushed andclinicsthatservethewomen
sitcomhumorin someareas,
Hisdaughter,
ofAfghanistan.
don't
still,these35 episodes
docuSedikaMojadidi,
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reclaiming-their-boyish-charms
tropehasbeendoneto deathin
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- Diane
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Anderson-Minshall
FullyExposed
TheFullMonty:
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Edition
taleof
charming
thishilariously
Terriblesanitaryconditions,
poorlytrainedmedicalpersonnel
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justtryingto getto places
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attention,makeDr.Mojadidi's
effortsmorethanfrustrating.
Andthenthereis the issueof the
promisingbut
U.S.government
notgivingthehelpneeded.Still,
everysinglemotherDr.Mojadidi
cansavefromdeathis onebig
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witnessin thedoctor'sfacehow
thesemomentsarewhatkeep
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is heartThisdocumentary
andgorenlightening
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geousto watch.SedikaMojadidi
dramatic
showsAfghanistan's
in all its wonders,
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women,whodespiteterrible
radiatetheirown
conditions
sereneglory.(firstrunfeatures
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ChipProject
TheGender
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calculations
Domathematical
makeyoucringe?Doesthe idea
of studyingquantummechanicscauseyouto breakout
Well,notto these
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youngwomen.DirectorHelen
de Michielgathereda groupof
femalestudentsmajoringin the
Sheaskedthemto get
sciences.
speakabout
togetherfrequently,
andvisions,
theirexperiences
andfollowedthemwith her
theircollege
camerathroughout
She
yearsupto graduation.
showsthemworryingaboutjob
andtheir
boyfriends,
prospects,
rolesas womenin thesemalefields.
dominated
endeavor,
It's an interesting
are
andthewomenportrayed
Still,
andengaging.
sympathetic
the moviedidn'tfascinateme
maybe
as muchas I expected,
mostof the issues
because
coveredwereonesthatevery
collegestudenthasto face.A
sequelshowingthewomenas
actualscientistsworkingin their
might
surroundings
professional
(wmm.com)
bemorecaptivating.
-US
May 2007
I67
Andrea Janakas
I
FILMMAKER
I
Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves is not a 20,minute music video of Cher's hit
classic;it's the title oflesbian director Andrea Janakas' new movie. This quiet film,
set at the precarious end of the '70s, mirrors two young girls' uncertain transi,
tion from adolescence to adulthood against the backdrop of a missing 15,year,old
films I want to make where ... you can put the message out there and
everybody gets it.
Why set it in 1979?
girl. Massachusetts,bred Janakas interweaves the identity of a nation teetering on
political crisis with the girls' struggle to find their identities in a small rural town.
I started to really think about the idea of looking into ... the end of a
decade and what that change kind of means. I kind of really started to
find a ... very strange, serendipitous similarity of this girl, Marie, be,
CURVE sat down with the filmmaker to talk about making movies, being an out
director and her first kiss. - Azania Baker
ing hostage in her small town and ... a country feeling hostage [during
the Iran hostage crisis). So it all kind of metaphorically started to tie
together in a really nice way.
You studied journalism at Emerson and film directing at American
Film Institute, in Los Angeles.
Gypsies was my thesis film out of there .... What I kind of discovered,
interestingly, when making Gypsies ... was that I had really kind of
found where the journalism part fit in. I had always been interested in
telling true stories or kind of finding these really sm~l character pieces
with these political or historical backdrops to them, so I think Gypsies
is kind of a nice merging of filmic story telling with this ... bit of a
worldly backdrop that was kind of entering into the world.
Is it important for filmmakers to address social issues?
I think that there is a really good way to do it, and it's sometimes a
tricky way to do it but I absolutely think that it's important ... any time
you can tell someone's story. With Gypsies, it's a story about identity
so I think that has kind of a universal theme, but in that, even in the
GLBT community, we obviously see a story within that identity about
these two young girls who may, eventually at one point, come out to a
small town and become lesbians. So it's sort of based in struggle. The
way I try to do that with my films is ... very subtly, so you're not heavy,
handed about politics in your films, you're not heavy,handed about
the message, but there is a message there.
How does being a lesbian affect your work?
I'm an out lesbian ... [But) I just made a film that I really wanted
to make that felt a little semiautobiographical. These are the kind of
68
Icurve
I really liked the scene where the two girls kiss.
How many times have I heard that story? [Laughs]
It was like they were relieving this lovely tension that had been built
between them throughout the film up until that point.
I would add one more thing to that .... We didn't talk about it much
'cause I ... didn't want them to feel over,rehearsed or like they had
done this before. I mean, it had to feel really spontaneous and special
and a little uncomfortable at the same time. But I definitely wanted it
to feel like the warmest moment and the coldest point in the movie, if
that makes sense. Because at that moment it's sort oflike ... they're in
this sheet of ice, basically, and it's this very desolate place, and then it's
a very, very warm, instant moment that they have there.
Was it anything like your first kiss with a girl?
God, you know, mine was like in a bunk bed in a dorm. So I would
say no, it was definitely not as magical. And, damn, that was recorded,
wasn't it?
Fans will love that quote.
The thing is the person who will eventually pick up CURVE magazine
and read it will go, "Hey, I thought that was pretty magical for me:'
Do we have more films to look forward to?
Absolutely. I'm actually currently adapting the award,winning memoir
The Last Time I Wore A Dress, written by Daphne Scholinski. I'm
hoping that will be the next film that you guys see. ■
Music Watch
Reviews
Compilations That Don't Suck
I
Check out new releases from the various aisle. By Margaret Coble
EDITOR'S
PICK
Like your favorite homemade mix tape, a good compilation
CD follows a theme and makes sense as a collection. All four of
our featured discs this month excel at this, however divergently
- whether it's out-and-proud queer artists speaking their
truths; eclectic love songs from a legendary queer pervert; soul-
ful, slinky dance beats from an underground superstar DJ; or
singer-songwriter gems from undiscovered, indie artists they all deserve your attention.
and
Revolutions (Music With A Twist)
Music With AT wist is the same label that recently released The
L Tunes: Music From and Inspired byThe L Word. It is the first
major record label dedicated to LGBT artists, and this release
is the first in its forthcoming series of compilations showcasing new and edgy artists. Many names here will be familiar to
followers of the queer indie scene, like The Gossip ("Standing
in the Way of Control"), Sarah Bettens ("Come Over Here"),
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won't ring a bell. Kristen Price is a standout in this set; her
"Magic Tree;' which was also on The L Tunes disc, is one of
those instantly catchy soulful pop songs that won't let go; you'll
be singing it in your sleep, if you aren't already. Israeli singersongwriter Ivri Lider ("Jesse") and Alabama soul singer and
hip-hop star Tangela Bell ('i\ddiction") are also worth noting.
Really, the entire disc is a good listen, from beginning to end.
If you're looking for tomorrow's queer mainstream, start here.
(musicwithatwist.com)
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A Date With John Waters (New line Records)
Whether you love him or hate him, you've got to respect how
cult filmmaker John Waters has managed to make a career
out of glamorizing perversity in every sense. It's no wonder
his eclectic compilation of "love songs" piqued my interest. It
doesn't disappoint. As could be surmised by the soundtracks
of his many films, much of this set falls into the "retro" category, from the bluesy jazz of Mildred Bailey's ''I'd Love to Take
Orders From You" to the rockin' (if not bizarre) New Orleans
R&B of Clarence "Frogman'' Henry's 'i\in't Got No Home;' to
the lounge-lizard sounds of Dean Martin's "Hit the Road to
Dreamland:' Some cuts go for shock value, like Brit new-waver
Elton Motello's "Jet Boy Jet Girl" with its refrain of"He gives
me head;' while others are just downright hilarious, like John
Prine and Iris DeMent's comical country love duet "In Spite of
Ourselves:' And of course, there's plenty of camp value here, too,
from Edith Massey's version of"Big Girls Don't Cry" to Josie
Cotton's "Johnny Are You Queer:"' It's a fun, 42-minute romp
that lives up to my expectations, but Waters' humorous narrative liner notes may just be the best part. (newlinerecords.com)
Deep & Sexy 4: King Britt (Wave Music)
In my past life as the editor of a national dub-music publication, I came to know and love Philly-based DJ-remixer-producer King Britt for his soulful sense and exquisite production
skills. Both of these qualities are exhibited here on his latest
mix compilation from New York underground house label
Wave Music. Comprised of 12 earthy, organic, deep and soulful house tracks from clubland favorites like Onda, Blue 6,
All TheWays
I'veLovedYou
(self-released):
If you'rea MySpace
user,youmayhave
already"met"singerJessica
songwriter
Burks- hersongshave
beenplayedmorethan
175,000times- butif
not,it's abouttimeyou
checkoutoneof this
rocker's
self-produced
fourCDs,includingthis
four-songEP(orher
greatdebut,Dahmn
Thetitle track
Straight).
is a rawandaggressive
lovesong,the kindthat
hitsyouin thegutand
stickswithyoufor days
(orin mycase,weeks
now).Burksis getting
airplayin the U.S.and
abroad,andshe'sdoing
it "absentof corporate
Butdon't
interference."
thinkshecan'tmarket
the helloutof herstuff:
"Peoplecanbesmarter
she
thanmarketing,"
says."Don'ttalk down
to them."She'sgot
the pipesandsome
biting,insightfullyricsto
ourattention
command
withouta majorlabel,
andGodknowswhat
shecouldproducewith
a tonof cashbehindher.
(myspace.coml
- Diane
jessicaburks)
Anderson-Minshall
Compilations That Don't Suck continued on page 71
May 2007
I
69
Otep Shamaya
I
ROCK STAR I
A mere "five lifetimes old" - her standard response to the age question Otep Shamaya is taking the heavy metal world by storm. As the leader of Los
Angeles-based band OTEP (remarkably, her first band), she's got a summer
full of touring and "mutinies of the senses" planned in promotion of their
third full length-release, The Ascension. Along with current bassist "Evil" J.
McGuire, Shamaya formed the band in 2000 and has since achieved a fiercely
loyal, quickly growing fan base. Get updates on their tour schedule or request
a concert in your hometown at otep.com - Catherine Plato
Is Otep your real name?
It is my real name. It's of Egyptian origins - Ol_d Kingdom, I am
told - and from the research I've gathered, it has many meanings
including "creative offerings" and "peace in the chaos:' And ... it's an
anagram for "poet:'
Have you always been a metalhead?
I was a grunge kid. Nirvana, obviously, played a huge role in my creative development, as did Slipknot, Korn, and the Deftones. I first
discovered the magic of music listening to old Doors albums I found
in my parents' closet. I like music that moves me, and no genre limit
defines my tastes. I started writing poetry, then hip-hop, a la Biggie,
Nas and Digable Planets, then started writing more rock music, and
now I fuse them all together.
Do you play any instruments?
I noodle around on some string instruments - guitar, Persian harp
- and I am learning piano now, but I wouldn't call it"playing:' I use
them as tools for composition and arrangement but leave the actual
playing to the band, who are all amazing musicians.
Do you have any favorite songwriters?
Anyone driven to write not for the celebrity or notoriety, but because their
passion for it leaves them no other choice.... (Songwriting is] a spiritual
intercourse, a driving energy that is dynamic and delicate. When it feels
right, you know you are on the path to something beautiful and fulfilling.
What's your favorite song on the new album?
I have many but two of the stand-outs for me to play live are "Crooked
Spoons" and "Ghostflowers:' But one of my favorites to listen to over
and over again would have to be "Perfectly Flawed:' It is a song about
self-love and self-acceptance.
Queer metal singers seem to be a pretty rare breed. Has being out
ever had any negative consequences for you professionally?
Not for being Sapphic as much as just being a woman in a very male
field. They sometimes misjudge me for a weaker animal. That's their
first mistake.
Have you been out since the beginning of your career?
When it was asked of me, I answered. I don't really remember when it was,
but I don't think that many people were surprised .... I knew my sexuality
at a very young age. I spoke openly about it with my family a few years ago,
and they've been very accepting. I am lucky as I know many others whose
families are excessivelyconservative in their thinking and beliefs.
Do fans ever ask you out?
Sometimes.
Have you marketed yourself much to a gay audience or played at
LGBT events?
Not really, our music and message appeal to everyone. If we were ever
asked though, we would be honored. ■
w
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I
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70
I curve
~
Find someone
OTHER LICKS
folk set.Lookforcontemporary
wardto moreof theirtrademark
vocalsandquirkysongwriting,includingmyfavorite,"No
Shoes."(theroches.com)
Celebrating
Interpretations:
theMusicof Earth,Wind& Fire
Withnotable
{Stax/Concord):
fromChaka
contributions
Khan("ShiningStar"),Angie
Stone("BeEverWonderful")
ToniBraxton,
TheEssential
andMeshellNdegeocello
{Laface/Legacy): ("Fantasy"),
ToniBraxton
amongmanyothers,
"You'reMakin'MeHigh"may
this stellar,1a-tracktributeto
NotToolate, NorahJones
havebeenherbiggestdyke-bar the legendary197Ossoulband
{BlueNote):Onherthirdalbum, hit, butthere'splentymore
alsomarksthe 5othanniversary
winnerreturns
theGrammy
to loveamongthe 31 other
Stax
of the groundbreaking
with hermostintimatesetyet;
tracksonthistwo-discdeluxe
recordlabel.(concordmusicmostly13 self-or co-penned,
set,includingthe
retrospective
group.com)
acousticsongscovertopics
"TheLittle
previouslyunreleased
bothpersonal("NotTooLate,"
Things."(legacyrecordings.com)OnDVD
"ThinkingAboutYou")and
ShutUpandSing,DixieChicks
political("MyDearCountry"),
Chronicling
Products):
{Genius
listen.
for a mellow,pensive,
of the
life
the
in
years
three
I healing space
tia::J!tller.(norahjones.com)
femalebandof all
best-selling
docutime,this outstanding
Angel,BlueSix
Aquarian
mentarygivesa behind-the{NakedMusic):Fansof slinky
sceneslookat the controversy
chilled-outclubmusicwill
singerNatalie
surrounding
wantto checkoutthis second
Maines'anti-Bushandanti-war
full-lengtherfrom NYproducerthe band'sensuing
statements,
musicianJayDenes,featuring
grace,
fall fromcountry-music
the sexy,soulfulvocalsof
TiaFuller{Mack andhowit eventuallyendedup
Space,
Healing
Aya,LisaShawandCatherine
A femalesaxophonAvenue):
workingto their benefit,freeing
Russell.(naked-music.com)
ist workingwitha trioof female
themupto createtheir more
in
is stillananomaly
musicians
rockin',nowdoubleplatinumTheRoches
Moonswept,
jazzworld,
theimprovisational
album
selling,Grammy-winning
the
Remember
(429Records):
butFullerandherbandaren'ta
TakingtheLongWay.(DidI
harmoTheheavenly,
Roches?
theyaretherealthing,
novelty,
mentionthat the soundtrackis
nizing,offbeatsistertrio makesa asexemplified
onthisgorgeous, awesome?)
(shutupandsing
triumphantreturnfroma 12-year all-original,
1a-tracksophomore movie.com)
- MC
recordinghiatuswiththis 14-cut release.
(tiafuller.com)
Abstract Truth and more - mixed together on
turntables as well as edited, looped and otherwise
studio finessed - the result is 72 minutes of sheer
sultry bliss. My favorite element, though, is the
vocal overdubs by the likes of spoken word poet
pers established indie names like Melissa Ferrick
("Closer"), Anne Heaton ("The Line"), Divine
MAGgees ("Little Black Crow"), and Sage herself ("Lonely Streets"), among less familiar names
like Boston Music Award nominee Mieka Pauley
and singer Ursula Rucker and house DJ-producer
Rich Medina, explaining their individual interpretations of "sexy:'This is some serious mood music,
("Stronger") and 2006 Independent Music Award
winner Kristy Kruger ("Dark Stranger"). Not
limited to female artists, Spin Doctors' frontman Chris Barron ("Can't Kick the Habit") and
New Arrivals Volume 2 (MPress Records)
Bisexual singer-songwriter, entrepreneur and
all-around agitator Rachael Sage's indie imprint,
MPress, has put together a second volume of its
acclaimed New Arrivals series, this time offering
18 solid tracks from rising indie stars. Culled
from more than 1,000 submissions, the disc pep-
1 week free trial
Just enter the promo code
curve05
when you join
[µill2sofa.com
connecting lesbians
It's easy:
• Takethe survey.
• Supportour community.
• Maybeevenwin a cool prize.
WWW.
Compilations That Don't Suck continued from page 69
folks. (wavemusic.com)
you click with on
pinksofa.com
hitmaker Jeff Cohen, playing with NYC band
Pancho's Lament ("Louisiana Holiday"), offer
notable cuts as well. Like its fundraising predecessor, New Arrivals Volume 1, which continues
co benefit Gulf Coast Hurricane Relief, proceeds
from the sale of this latest compilation will benefit
Artists Against Hunger and Poverty, a program of
■
World Hunger Year. (mpressrecords.com)
Lesbian
Survey
.com
Lotsmoredetailsonthe website.
Surveyopenuntil May 15 only.
Pleasespreadthe word!
CommunityMarketing,Inc.
SanFranciscoCA• LGBT-Owned
May 2007
I 71
Reviews
In the Stacks
Get Your Read On
I
These new novels will help pass the May days. By Rachel Pepper
These new releases may not be the most obvious books on your
radar, but both have something to offer, be it social commentary in an unlikely format or just good, clean, mindless fun.
is indeed a winning team, prize monies to be shared and great
ratings for the show's stormy ending. (littlebrown.co.uk)
Lost and Found, Carolyn Parkhurst (Little Brown)
Some novels are written less for the creation of fine literature
than to serve up a big bowl of guilty pleasure. Though lots of
bestsellers may not make the critics sing, they do keep people
Women's Studies, Julia Watts (Spinsters Ink)
EDITOR'S
PICK
V,JenniferNatalya
Fink{SheDevil):Fink's
first novel,Burn,stunned
criticswith its discomfitingallegorical
taleof an
affairbetweena middleagecommunist
widow
anda mute13-year-old
boy.Herstirringsophomoreeffort,V,is noless
unsettling:
it takesus
to 1954in SaoPaulo,
Brazil,wherea post-war
Jewishcommunity
confrontsthe stubbornwill
to survive.Butit's also
a novelwhereobjects
canspeakandVeronica,
a Jewishteenager,
is
hauntedbya mysterious"Voice"whoissues
terrifyingcommands
andriddles.Partghost
story,partfamilyfable
- Fink'sstoryis based
ontalesfromherown
Brazilian
Jewishfamily
in which,shesays,"historicalandphilosophical
questions
werealways
mixedupwiththe mundane,romantic,sexual,
emotional,
and'girly'
aspectsof life"- Vdigs
deepintotheliberatory
andrepressive
natureof
voice.(suspectthoughts.
com)- JuliaBloch
As lesbian fiction moves into the mainstream, more
straight authors are convincingly portraying dyke characters
in their novels. Carolyn Parkhurst, a straight, married mother
of two, does just that in her new novel, Lost and Found.
While
certianly
not categorizable as
lesbian fiction, Lost
and Found includes
two lesbian main characters, and juicy ones
at that: more than
I curve
dreds of wannabe authors churning out mere pulp for the
masses. In between these two extremes lie "mid-list" lesbian
authors like Julia Watts, whose novels you can satisfyingly
slurp down quickly without a bitter aftertaste. Watts, author
of past novels such as Wedding Bell Blues and Finding H.F.,
turns her fictional attention to academia circa 1990 in her
new novel, Women's Studies, in which she follows three fe-
what your average lesbian novelist delivers.
The plot centers on
the around-the-world
male students named Elizabeth through a year in a college
course in - you guessed it - women's studies. During that
time, they have mild revelations about their sexuality and
reality game show of
the book's tide, where
fend off the advances
of a lecherous lesbian
teams of players must
collect clues and gather "found" items: a ski
professor.
pole, a live parrot, and
so on. One team is
comprised of cheerily clueless mother Laura and her sullen
teenage daughter, Cassie, who is a new mother and lesbian in
the midst of coming out.
Another pair is a comical, married ex-gay couple, Justin
and Abby, whom Parkhurst mires in hypocrisy as they unsuccessfully try to play straig~t for the cameras. Eventually,
a gay cameraman snares Justin into a sexual act, and Abby
realizes that only the truth - not religion nor her sham of
a straight marriage - will set her free. Potentially heavy but
lightly told themes, these are only a few of the story's intriguing subplots.
Other characters include some aging child actors, one of
whom ponders a lesbian affair with Cassie to boost her ratings, and the game show's icy has-been host Barbara, who
sits in a soundproof glass box hoping for a career revival.
The narrative convincingly moves between characters as we
glimpse the hidden motives and betrayals that seem to shift
daily between the players. As they scramble from clue to
clue and from country to country, from Egypt to Japan and
Sweden to Ireland, Lost and Found gives lessons in geography
while providing startling insight into human nature.
Parkhurst peels back the glam coating of reality-show life
to reveal its more mundane underside. By the last page, there
72
reading, so this reviewer can't find too much fault with that.
Lesbian fiction is no exception. For every Sarah Waters
or Dorothy Allison our community produces, there are hun-
That's about it for
the plot, and character
development is likewise at a mere minimum in this story. Yet,
I somehow found myself curiously propelled
through
the pages.
Would the repressed
straight girl come out?
Would the closeted
sorority girl start a relationship with the loudmouthed dyke in her
class? Did Watts really
craft a lesbian professor
who hit on her student? Would these characters ever get a due
that they were living in 1990, the year real dykes were rioting in
the streets in activist groups like Queer Nation, ACT UP and
the Lesbian Avengers?
Alas, no avengers tromp through the sleepy little Southern
campus depicted in Womens Studies,but the answer to the other questions is a resounding yes. Don't read it for truth about
feminist education, nor should you expect to care much for
the characters, the plot or the less-than-stellar ending. But as I
would tell any willing reader of mediocre fiction, at least enjoy
the ride until you get there. (spinsters-ink.com) ■
PAGE TURNERS
-·
-11/1.t:.-
WhereI Live,DonnaM. Lane
(RawArtPress):Lane,a veteran
BayArea's
of theSanFrancisco
vibrantopen-miccircuit,makes
and
herlivingasa gardener,
honestpoems
heremotionally
drawthe reader'sgazecloseinto
she
thesprawlingenvironment
writesabout.In "A Landscaped
Area,"a kindof postmodern
pastoral,shewriteswithcareful
to the urbannatural
attentiveness
world:"Machineryis the part/of
that goeswithturf
gardening
beerandstiff
andstadiums/and
the mostancient
gloves./Only
toolsworkwith ivy:/thehoe,the
shovel,the backandthe hands."
Bloch
(rawartpress.com)-Julia
Rachel Kramer Bussel
IAUTHOR, EROTICA QUEEN I
She's been the Lusty Lady columnist for the Village Voice,editor or co~editor of nine erotic anthologies, including
First Timers: True Storiesof Lesbian Awakening, Glamour Girls:Femme/Femme Erotica and Up All Night: Adventures
in Lesbian Sex and her stories have been published in more than 80 anthologies, including Best of Both Worlds:
Bisexual Erotica and Ultimate Lesbian Erotica. You've seen her writing in CURVE, Girlfriends, On Our Backs, New
York Blade, Diva, Penthouse Variations, Cosmo UK, Gothamist, New York Post, Penthouse, San FranciscoChronicle
and Time Out New York. Though her Village Voicedays are over, Rachel Kramer Bussel is far from finished. Today
the queer queen of all things erotica can be found completing her first novel, to be published by Bantam in 2008.
- SheelaLambert
How do you get your ideas for your Lusty Lady columns?
The ideas really came naturally to me, whether stemming from my own life, conversations I've had or news
items. I was never at a loss, and I think that's because sex is so pervasive. I didn't have sex for about the first six
months of writing my column!
So what happened at Village Voice?
They just told me the other day that my last column would be my last column. I was doing it freelance so techni~
cally, there's no notice required.
It's still reprehensible.
I have a feeling I will have a new freelance writing gig soon; I'm not sure if it will be a new column or something
else entirely
What makes for a good erotic story?
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Rises,CateCulpepper
Tristaine
(BoldStrokesBooks):Lovers
JesstintheAmazonandBrenna
theex-Citymousehaveescaped
oppression
thecold,technological
of the Cityandfoundsanctuary
amongthefierceandnaturelovingtribeof Jesstin'sorigin.But
theiridyllis brokenwhendemons
fromthe past(literally)threatento
hard-won
destroytheAmazons'
Withtighterwriting
stronghold.
anda fasterpace,TristaineRises
improvesuponthe earlier,slower
Page Turners continued on page 76
A good story should surprise the reader. The writing should suck you in from the very start and make you
breathless with anticipation. Some of my favorite erotica stories I've written have no sex in them! One is called
"Lap Dance Lust;' and it's a true story about getting my first lap dance. Ir was such an erotic experience I knew
I had to immortalize it ... the dancer was seductively moving against me and perhaps because she was off limits
for actual sex, it made things all the hotter.
Why do you think erotica has become so popular lately?
I think people are finding that they can pick up an erotica book, or order one online, and there's no stigma
attached. Erotica is a safe way for people to explore sexual fantasies, first by themselves, reading ... and then, if
they like, by sharing the stories with a lo\'er.
You're a bi-identified woman who works in both lesbian and straight arenas. Is the gender of your
partners ever an issue?
It's an issue in that I look for slightly different traits in men than women, but even char really depends on the
person. I've mostly dated and been attracted to very femmey girls ..1.ndmore muscular guys, but sometimes I'm
into the opposite. Again, it's all about the individual person. I could see myself seeding down wirh a man or a
woman, as long as they wanted to have kids, were smart, creative and interesting, and could keep up with me in
and out of the bedroom. ■
May 2007
I 73
Reviews Tech Girl
Postm.odern Photo Play
Look good long after the honeymoon.
IByJaime Roca
You've used every waking hour and spent chunks of change to create your perfect wedding. And though
memories are great, we all know it's the snapshots that will stir them when you and Mrs. Right are old
and gray. Here's the photo tech CURVE geeks are eyeing.
Get a Good Camera
Whether it's the simultaneous "cheese" after the ceremony or the candids at the reception,
semi-professionals and photo hobbyists love the Sony DSC-H9. The SLR-like digital
camera comes with a Carl Zeiss Vario-Tessar, 15x optical zoom, 41-to-465mm (35mmequivalent) lens. Its manual, program and auto modes allow as much or as little control
as you like. Shoot at full zoom with a slow shutter speed and minimize blur with Super
Steady Shot, or capture moods in low-light situations without a flash. A 3-inch, flip-up
LCD screen identifies eight faces for sharper pictures and helps you shoot from those creative but difficult-to-reach angles (like the ones that make you look 20 pounds thinner).
($480, sony.com)
Point and Shoot Is Fine, Too
The sleek and superslim Olympus FE-230 is perfect for those who plan to point and shoot
during the festivities, or you can turn the tables on your guests and snap them with this
high-resolution, 7.1 megapixel camera with a 4x digital zoom. You can view images on its
2.5-inch LCD screen, and with Digital Image Stabilization and TruePic TURBO Image
Processor, your wedding photos will have less blur and truer colors. ($199, olympus.com)
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The groovy Epson Stylus RX580 produces high quality glossy photos with or without a
computer. This midsize multifunction printer comes with a 2.5-inch built-in LCD screen
to select, edit and crop images before you print. It accepts a range of memory cards, connects
to your camera with PictBridge via USB, and prints from a camera phone or PDA with an
optional adapter. Epson boasts borderless 4x6-inch photo prints in about 13 seconds and
better-than-lab quality in 32 seconds. ($199, epson.com)
Wedding Favors on the Fly
Share images instantly with incredible new technology. The portable pocket-sized Zink
printer uses no ink at all; instead, it uses paper with colorless dye crystals that are activated
by heat. Send images from a Bluetooth camera phone, a digital camera or a computer to this
ultracool gadget that produces color prints that are tear- and waterproof. Available later this
year. (price unknown, zink.com)
Scrappy Memory Books
Screw construction paper. With Scrapbook MAX! software you can digitally design scrapbooks, then make DVDs, print or even e-mail them to mom. ($40, scrapbookmax.com)
Goodbye Photo Albums
Clockwise from top left:
The Sony DSC-H9 camera, Epson Stylus
RX580, Zink printer,
Scrapbookmax.com
Say goodbye to uploading, storage limits and lowered resolutions, especially when it comes
to your wedding photos. Sharpcast.com allows sharing of original, full-resolution photos
and unlimited online storage of resized photos (up to 1600x1200). It also comes with PC
desktop software or a Mac iPhoto plug-in that keeps Web and computer photos in sync. For
trigger-happy photo-archiving geeks like mysel£ this means total access to photos - and
that includes uncompressed images - from virtually anywhere. Did I mention this service is
free? An upgrade offers unlimited online backup of full-resolution JPEG images just in case
your hard drive fails. (free or $70 for upgrade, sharpcast.com) ■
74
I
curve
I Tried It Reviews
Let's Try Heavy Breathing
Doing it right feels a little different. I By Stephanie Schroeder
A chronic asthma sufferer, I figured it was finally time to check out a deepbreathing session with New York City fitness and nutrition expert Kendra
Coppey, so I could finally learn how to breathe correctly. The first thing the
famed holistic goddess asked was if I'm a nose breather or mouth breather.
Nose, I told her. Cool, good start.
Coppey, founder of Barefoot Tiger, told me most asthmatics are mouth
breathers, though it's better for us to breathe through our noses because we
can bring in more oxygen that way. Inhaling through the nose and exhaling
through the mouth is for a "regular" person, while inhaling and exhaling only
through the nose has great benefits for those with asthma. This slows the
breath, making it deeper and increasing oxygen intake. "Different people have
different opinions on this, but my experience leads me to believe inhaling and
exhaling through the nose can work wonders;' she said.
At my session, Coppey had me lie
down flat on my back on a mat and put
my right hand below my sternum and my
left hand on my lower abdomen to feel my
normal breathing pattern. She instructed
me to take a deep breath and exhale, then
repeat several times. She then asked me to
retain on the exhale. After a while I started
to retain on the inhale as well. Two counts
and retain on the inhale; three counts and
retain on the exhale. With each inhale, I
filled my chest and belly with air, and on
the exhale let my ballooned belly drop to
the floor. This exercise is a pelvic floor technique and part of the retention exercise.
Consciously breathing deep takes work and, while asthmatics may not
take breathing for granted, most of us do and therefore don't breathe for
maximum efficiency. You should breathe through your mouth only when engaged in endurance activities. Use mouth breaths when you need to release a
lot of air, such as when lifting heavy weights, sighing or releasing a clenched
jaw, which sometimes happens during yoga, or when you're stressed out by
your girlfriend or boss. Asthmatics should be breathing through our noses
except when participating in endurance activities. In that regard, we're just
like "regular" folks.
Perhaps most importantly, proper breathing techniques can maximize the
potential in those lusty situations where heavy breathing and endurance are
involved. Be prepared by practicing every day. ■
Becauseit affectsthe
parasympatheticnervous
system,deep breathingcan
be extremelycalmingand
relaxingfor affectedareasand
the musclesthat are clenched
becauseof the pain,such
as holdingtensionin the
shoulders.
Pulling in the pelvic floor can help deepen
the retention by allowing the lower abdomen to contract more firmly, thus pushing
more on the diaphragm. Coppey told me to
think of wearing a corset to visualize this
exercise.
Why is deep breathing important, particularly for asthmatics? Well,
asthmatics usually have very shallow breathing patterns. Breathing deeply
expands lung capacity, encourages endurance and increases oxygenated blood
flow to the brain, our largest and most important muscle. Deep breathing
helps counter the lung inflammation that plagues asthmatics and people with
other disorders.
Some funky and interesting natural anti-inflammatories such as pineapple, onions, garlic, ginger and turmeric complement deep breathing exercises;
also fish oils or flax seed oil for vegetarians and others who dislike fish oil.
Use them on salads instead of olive oil. These oils lubricate membranes and
contain critical omega- 3s for better health.
Deep breathing is also an excellent relaxation technique for reducing
chronic pain. Because it affects the parasympathetic nervous system, deep
breathing can be extremely calming and relaxing for affected areas and the
muscles that are clenched because of the pain, such as holding tension in the
shoulders.
May 2007
I
75
Day Trips From Mecca continued from page 41
you don't care about Rodeo Drive or 90210 mansions, Frittelli's is still reason enough to cross that
invisible border into Beverly Hills. The Prada of
the pastry world, Fritelli's makes doughnuts with
flavors like Chocolate Heath bar, English toffee
chocolate cake, espresso maple, peanut butter and
jelly, espresso latte, dolce de leche and zucchini
chocolate chip, plus tasty drinks (try the hazelnut
vanilla cafe latte espresso).
Even if you can't afford Rodeo Drive you can
get some fine shopping in while you're in West
Hollywood. The vast showplace of interior and
art design, the Pacific Design Center (dubbed "the
blue whale" by locals) is a great start for interior
art. CoCo de Mer and the Pleasure Chest are two
naughty stores I would never leave California
without seeing. The Scent Bar is the only place
in the country to find some perfumes (such as
Alessandro by Mazzolari), and Tokyo-based Three
Dots opened its first U.S. store on Melrose. Mall
to the stars, the Beverly Center is where you'll find
the country's first Hard Rock Cafe and possibly
Lindsay Lohan doing some panty-free shopping.
If star-gazing is your thing, West Hollywood really is the place to go. Hollywood proper has rriore
hookers than celebrities, though you may still want
to check out the handprints of movie stars at the
Hollywood Walk of Fame at Grauman's Chinese
Theatre. Or pop into the Hustler Store (where stars
such as Jennifer Love Hewitt buy knickers, apparently) or Johnny Depp's Viper Room (so you can
find out if Carmen Electra would really tell you no).
There's plenty more to do than shop, sightsee
and party. The famed Groundlings Theater is worthy of much love, and there are plenty of places to
walk and reflect. Of course, I did neither. But I did
spend a chunk of change at Le Bra Lingerie; don't
let the fact that Katie Holmes bought her honeymoon gear here dissuade you.
After shopping, I hit Sunset Boulevard's House
of Blues for their weekly Sunday gospel brunch.
This rockin' eatery and performance space looks
like an extremely clean, faux-ramshackle shack in
Louisiana. But any sense of poser-ness you get
from the outside goes away when a jamming black
chorus belts out an hour or more of deep, soulful songs. The cast is huge, the crowds even bigger,
so buy tickets ahead of time. And if you want to
really enjoy the Southern buffet, get in line early
- first pick of the freshest food meant we could
pile up five plates before we stopped to breathe.
That, of course, wasn't very West Hollywood
of us. But, it was our last hours in WeHo, and we
started to remember we were there but we weren't
of there. Though the glow wore off eventually, I
still believe a weekend of hanging with celebrities
and partying like a rock star is essentially good for
your soul. ■
76
I curve
Page Turners continued from page 73
long,variedcorridorof cultures
in productive
friction."Zeiser
andMachado
haveassembled
a wonderfully
diversecollection,
includingiconiccroonerGwen
Avery'ssearingcritiqueof the
"waronterror"("Thisis for our
protection./The
waythe law
protectsthe ghetto./Theway
the menprotectthe women);
RobynBrooks'invocation
of
PanicDiaries,JackieOrr
Calliope("Nothingnewunder
(Duke):
Orr'sinvestigation
into
the moon/Except
the waythe
andsocial
waveshit/Therockseachtime"); thetechnological
construction
of panicis brilliantly
andlzabelaFilipiak's"Mme
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May 2007
I 79
Top Ten Reasons We Love Carol Steinel
\
Carol Steinel's a psychic and spiritual adviser, and
not in that late-night infomercial kind of sense.
The Port Townsend, Wash., native also has an
alter ego named Carruch and a lengthy resume
that includes a successful stint as a comedian, two
reasons why you wouldn't want to mess with her.
"Ifsomeoneasks,'So, what do youdo?' I say, 'I'm
a psychicand a spiritual
teacher.'At whichpoint
theyoftenask me if I can tellwhatthey'rethinking.
I usuallytellthem I'm offworkat the moment."
- Jocelyn Voo
1. She'sthe life of the party."If someone asks, 'So,
what do you do:" I say, Tm a psychic and a spiritual teacher: At which point they often ask me if
I can tell what they're rhinking. I usually tell them
I'm off work at the moment:'
2. She'sgot a resumeyouwon'tbelieve.Having
worked as a gas station attendant, bank overdraft
manager, waitress, cook, legislative aide, social
worker, construction contractor, musician and
comedian, Steine! proves that variety is the spice
oflife. "My focal point is now, and will remain, my
metaphysical psychic work .... My many past professions were, without exception, preparation for
the work I do now:·
3. Everyone's
got secrets,includingher.Well, up
until now. "I suck my thumb," Steinel says. "Does
was needed. As a result, Steinel can play guitar
and piano passably well, but "I can drum better
than your average Midwestern white girl:'
8. She can predicta breakup."I think any dyke
5. Her musicaldemiseis her girlfriend'sfault."I
haven't written any new music since 2002, when I
met my mate. In 2002, I wrote a song about her in my_opinion, my best song ever - and I haven't
written any new songs since then:'
6. She'sbeena ladykiller
fromthestart."I told my
first joke that I remember at age six, to the cheerleader and older sister of a friend .... [We] were sitting in
the sandbox outside the kitchen window, and I was
telling her older sister this joke through the window
as she washed dishes in the kitchen. When I reached
the punch line and heard this gorgeous, 16-year-old
cheerleader laugh out loud - just because I'd said
something - I knew I had found the power:'
that qualify:'"
7. She'sbutchthroughandthrough.When acting
4. Hermusicalcareercameat a smallprice.The
daughter of a music teacher, Steinel claims that if
her father was a musician short, she'd have to pick
up the tenor sax, flute, cymbals or whatever else
so I curve
agree that his energy is definitely yang in nature
- which may account for my being butchY:'
as a spiritual adviser, Steinel channels Carruch,
her manly oversoul. Steinel adds, "Some people
are surprised to hear me refer to Carruch as a 'he;
but most people, once they've experienced him,
worth her salt could 'tell' when she was going to
break up with someone, with or without psychic
abilities;' Steinel answers. "She would simply ask
herself these three questions: Am I fantasizing
about someone else:' Do I hate her dog:' Have we
had a conversation about 'opening up the relationship' within the past three months?"
~
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9. She'snormal."I play video games to unwind, I
enjoy alcohol and tobacco, I cuss like a stevedore;'
z
>
d.
Steinel says."! live in an intentional community that
was founded four years ago, so I spend the bulk of
my time ... with my community members and with
members of my extended spiritual community:'
:5
10. She'snot aboutto challengeMiss Cleoto a
steel cage deathmatch,but hypothetically,
who
would win? "The Buddhist answer: 'What is
winning:" The metaphysical answer: 'Miss Cleo
and Carol are one at every level: Steinel's mate's
answer: 'Who's Miss Cleo:"" ■
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THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
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THE BEST-SELLING
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VOLUME
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
17 NUMBER 4
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San Francisco, California 94103
Phone 415-863-6538 Facsimile 415-863-1609
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We're celebrating our 17 years
in print - yes, we're now
probably older than some of
our youngest readers - with
a whole year of festivities, starstudded parties, groovy girl
gatherings and stops at gay
Pride tests across the country.
Publisher/Editor in Chief
Executive Editor
Associate Publisher
Associate Editor
Book Review Editor
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Contributing Editors
Copy Chief
Proofreaders
Frances Stevens Publisher/Editor in Chief
think if I were going to be stranded on a tropical island, particularly a dangerous, unpredictable one
like that on Lost, I'd want the show's former cast member, Michelle Rodriguez, by my side. The girl
could probably fend off guerilla rebels, hand-build a tiki shanty and make dinner out of a ferocious
wild boar, all while I was still trying to figure out my new island address. Rodriguez first came to fame
and has gone on to become a TV and film star, as well
playing the pulchritudinous pugilist in Girl.fight
as constant fodder for the tabloids given her hard-charging ways and romantic dalliances. Even though
I
Art Director
Production Manager
Production Artist
Web Producer
Catalog Manager
Catalog Department
Advertising Sales
and how to get VIP access.
Rodriguez isn't the only exciting person in this issue, of course. Jodi Helmer introduces us to 10
powerful lesbian entrepreneurs, including the founder of one of the first LGBT-owned marketing
firms in the U.S., a vegan baker gaining national recognition, a Michigan couple who started a homebased coy company and a dyke who has worked with businesses across North America to establish
toner-recycling programs.
Just in time for Mother's Day, we spoke with the often controversial bisexual writer Rebecca Walker, who
dishes in her new book on her estranged mom (The ColorPurpleauthor Alice Walker), feminist misfires
and the joys of reproduction. She's sure to evoke strong reactions.
And lastly, our special wedding section this issue looks at several lesbian couples who've tied the knot.
Our family scrapbook offers up wedding stories, photos and advice on saying "I do" from women who
did - and loved it. Don't forget to tell us all about your story, too. We're all ears.
Julia Bloch, Victoria A.
Brownworth, Sheryl Kay,
Gretchen Lee, Sarah Warn
Laura K. Cucullu
Michelle Ma, Katherine H.
Nelson
Stefanie Liang
Ondine Kilker
Kelly Nuti, Amy Silverman
Nikki Woelk
Holly DeMaagd
Flo Enriquez,
Monier Ziaian
Diana L Berry,Joan Boccafola,
RivenclellMedia
Marketing & PR Manager
Marketing Coordinator
Marketing Representatives
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she's not interested in talking about her sex life - hey, some women like privacy - we're still thrilled to
have an interview with her in our 17th anniversary issue. The timingjust seems right.
That's right, don't let the lack of fanfare in this issue mislead you. We're celebrating our 17 years in
print - yes, we now are probably older than some of our youngest readers - with a whole year of
festivities, including star-studded parties in Los Angeles, Atlanta, Chicago and San Francisco (among
others), groovy girl gatherings like Girls in Wonderland in Orlando, Fla., and stops at gay Pride
festivals from Oregon to Washington, D.C. Watch for future issues, including our Pride Guide next
month, and the events section of curvemag.com for info on where we'll be, who'll be there with us,
Frances Stev~ns
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Sara Jane Keskula
Catherine Plato
Rachel Pepper
Margaret Coble
Bambi Weavil
Amanda Campa
Tammy Lam, Lindsey Taylor
Azania Baker, Asiana
Ponciano, Jaime Roca,
Lesley Seacrist
Contributing Writers Elizabeth A. Allen, Kathy Beige,
Stacy Bias, Carol Bryant, Gina Daggett, Michele
Fisher, Jodi Helmer, Katia Hetter, Dana Kaye, Kate
Lacey, Tammy Lam, Sheela Lambert, Gretchen Lee,
Char1ene Lichtenstein, Kar1ynLotney, Candace
Moore, Sara Schieron, Honie Stevens, Melany
Walters-Beck, Jocelyn Voo
Illustrators Phil Cho, Cielo Oreste, Katherine Streeter
Contributing Photographers Harry Bair, Paka Downs,
Anya Garrett, Kyle Gibson, Seth Grossman,
William Hanford Lee Jr., Rich Hanson, James
Hickey, Chris Holley, Rusty Jones, Mike Kepka,
Andrew Kercher, Brian Knopp, John Kopaloff, Jim
Lamb, Stephen Ludwig, Andrew MacPherson,
Melissa Manseau, Bill Morris, Sandra Ramirez,
Rick Reinhard, Nancy Rothstein, Meera Margaret
Singh, Randal Alan Smith, Marty Rose Springer,
Sam Throne, Jamie Trueblood, Sam Urquehart,
Christopher Voy, Kina Williams, Bill Wilson
Volume 17 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for
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Curve,PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON l2E 6S8. Send
to shop@curvemag.com,
Curve,POBox 17138, N. Hollywood,
U.S. addresschangesto shop@curvemag.com,
CA 91615-7138.Printedin the U.S.
A.
Keyword: Curvemag Web site: curvemag.com
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Features
"I've
alwaysfelt
that seeing
the world
through
a womancentered
lensis a
criticaltool
to have
in one's
toolbox,but
you need
othertools
to get an
accurate
and truly
holistic
view."
Rebecca Walker,
page 46
May 2007
42
Volume 17#4
Diagnosis: Distress Fibromyalgia moves out
of the closet - finally. By Jodi Helmer
46
Baby Love Author Rebecca Walker chats with
us about her new book, family ties and her latest
endeavor, motherhood. By Catherine Plato
48
10 Powerful Lesbian Entrepreneurs
60
34
A vegan
baker, marketing guru and a chick saving the planet,
one ink cartridge at a time. By Jodi Helmer
50
Bride Guide Real-life lesbian couples tell us
about their wedding days. By Lesley Seacrist
COVER: Michelle Rodriguez Making Waves
She's a Hollywood bad girl, known as much for her
private battles as for her on-screen work in films
like Girlfight and S. WA. T. Now she's our cover girl.
By Honie Stevens
Pacific Paradise: California Dream
Vacations Sure, we've all heard that San
Francisco's the gayest, greatest place ever. But if
you're planning a trip to the city by the bay and are
looking for some fun ways to escape the mayhem,
check out these four quick trips to nearby places
that are just as fun. By Diane Anderson-Minshall
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58
Cover photo by
Andrew MacPherson/
Corbis Outline
6
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What Do Butches Wear to Weddings? One
Mendocino: Why the Inn at Schoolhouse Creek
I
woman's betrothed skips Vera Wang in favor of
Little India. By Katia Hetter
makes one doggie's 10 Best Places to Play.
t;;
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Queers With Shears So you're going for a hot
dykey haircut, but how do you explain that to a
straight stylist without walking out in a completely
ironic early '90s mullet? You're better off checking
out a hip, lesbian-owned salon. By Dana Kaye
Tiburon: A sip and sleep package that will have
you drinking 65 types of wines.
Lake Tahoe: Go green in a resort or a rustic cabin.
West Hollywood: Feel like an L Word cast member
at some of California's hottest clubs and eateries.
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May 2007
"Nothingis sexier
thana woman
whotellsyouthat
sheis bad. Unless
it'sa womanwho
tellsyouthatshe
isverybad.You
can'tsavethe
devilfromhell,but
I didn'tlearnthat
lessonuntilseveral
womenlater."
page 30
4
Frankly Speaking Publisher and
founder Frances Stevens celebrates 17
years of CURVE.
10 Letters Janina Gavankar's got everyone
hot and bothered; our sex issue was
definitely hot, yet bothersome too.
12 Out in Front Dirty dancers and doggy
doctors are making waves this May.
26 Ask Fairy Butch Jonesin' for a romp
with an older woman? Fairy Butch says
go for it.
27 Lipstick & Dipstick What's the deal
with all the Internet dating? Our butchfemme advice crew weighs in.
28 Quiz: Are You Marriage Material?
Or are you better off sticking to the
. bachelorette parties?
14 Curvatures First there's love, then
29 Astro Grrl Happy birthday Bull dykes!
and visionary Heather MacAllister.
30 Dyke Drama Sometimes a bad girl just
16 Open Studio Painter Janet McKenzie's
Michelle Rodriguez can make it into a
single issue.
24 Scene Shots from the hottest girl parties
around the country.
69 Music Watch All Margaret Coble's
saying is give compilations a chance.
Plus, Otep Shamaya rocks our world.
72 In the Stacks Erotica icon Rachel
Kramer Busse! talks dirty to us, and
Rachel Pepper picks out May's
74 Tech Girl Say cheese! It's your big day.
feels so good, or so says Michele Fisher.
18 Lesbofile Let's see how many times
and tales of small-town lust have us
glued to the screen this month.
most fun fiction.
comes marriage, then foster care and
custody cases. Plus, a tribute to activist
controversial painting brings Jesus back
to the people. Hallelujah!
66 Sapphic Screen Crazy queer families
75 I Tried It It sounds crazy, but Stephanie
Schroeder finally learned how to breathe.
the question at all these days.
80 Top Ten Reasons We Love Carol
Steinel She can make us laugh, make
us sing and make us dinner. Plus, she
can use "stevedore" in a sentence.
64 Mothers Day Gifts Skip the
gardenia perfume (unless mom really i~
90 years old) and get her one of these
cool collectibles.
:::,
@
S·
32 Politics Hillary: do you love her or hate
her? Either way, Victoria Brown worth
thinks it's pretty cool to have a "her" in
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Letters
"Ijustwantedto sendmy appreciation
for makingthe
L Wordpartymemorable.JaninaGavankarwas such
a fantasticsport.Fora whileshe lookedlikePiedPiper
Papi;everywherePapiwenta lineof lesbiansand
photographers
followed.She neveronceappeared
annoyedor lostherfantasticsmile."
We Love Janina
As usual, I loved the new issue (Vol. 17, #2). You
guys get better each and every time. I think that
Janina is sexy as hell. My goodness, the lips on that
woman are mesmorizing!
Can you have a story on black actresses who
have played lesbians onscreen to get their perspective on things? Most specifically, from the show,
The Wire, you have the beautiful biracial Sonja
Sohn and Felicia Pearson.
- Tanya Ware, Chicago,fll.
Editor's Note: We adoreSonja, too. She gracedour
coverback in 2003 [Vol. 13#4]. To get that back
issuesee curvemag.com.Wea love to covermore
blackactorstoo. We'll get on that.
I loved the article on Janina Gavankar. I had no
idea she wasn't Latina. I was so convinced by her
talents, and I am Latina myself. Janina looks absolutely beautiful and does an amazing job portraying her character, Papi. Way to go Janina!
- Christy Heinrich, Rockvale,Tenn.
I just wanted to send my appreciation for making
the L Word party memorable. Janina Gavankar
was such a fantastic sport. For a while she looked
like Pied Piper Papi; everywhere Papi went a
line of lesbians and photographers followed. She
never once appeared annoyed or lost her fantastic
smile. Normally I wouldn't be part of the group of
followers, but I flew in from Boston for this event
and felt compelled to make the most of it. Margaret
Cho was sweet enough to sign autographs and even
allowed pictures. Thank you again for a great night
- Karen Bowles,via e-mail
Why You Shouldn'tCheat on a Writer
Thank you, Michele Fisher, for saying it all in your
Dyke Drama column ("Your Cheatin' Heart;'
Vol. 17, #2). You wrote the letter I have wanted
to write for years. I love the list of excuses you
101curve
covered you got them all. Thanks for
being so eloquent and right on! I know the right
person would never read it, but just having it all
said makes me feel better. Thanks!
- Anonymous, via e-mail
Femmes Fight Back
Thank you so much for having several references
to femme lesbians in your March issue (Vol. 17,
another LGBT event called Road Trip and, in the
summer, a Ladies 2000 event almost every month
- packed with beautiful ladies. Not to mention
the historic significance of Asbury Park and its
music scene, which is innovative as ever.
Consider coming down specifically in the
summer and enjoy all the wonderful events we ha
ve for lesbians. And I guarantee it will cost much
less to stay here for a few days then any other loca-
#2), including the article on the Atlanta Femme
Mafia. I find it so strange that femme girls actually
face quite a bit of discrimination within the lesbian
tions you named.
community. I am what my friends call "iiberfemme;'
and that is fine by me. I still have my skater clothes
and nose ring, but I am definitely feminine.
Who Wants to Be "Normal",Anyway?
When I came out, I was 18 and a freshman
in college, and I knew quite a few other girls that
were coming out around the same time. I noticed
a pattern: Come out. Cut hair. Remove girly
clothing and replace with baggy jeans and baseball
caps. It frustrated me that women felt pressured
to butch it up to "look gay:' In many places, most
lesbians are butch or androgynous, but that
shouldn't mean you have to change who you are to be
accepted. With all the discrimination we face as
lesbians, it's sad to find that there is discrimination
amongst ourselves. It's time we accept all kinds of
lesbians, not just the stereotype.
- Jay, Richmond, Va.
GreetingsFromthe Jersey Shore
I was reading through your travel guide (Vol. 17,
#2), and many of the places you described looked
beautiful and had a lesbian vibe to them; however,
they appeared rather costly. I think you're missing
a key place in your guide for lesbians and gays:
Asbury Park, N.J.
We are a mile in size and located along the
Jersey Shore. We have more gay bars and clubs
then any other city or town in New Jersey:
Paradise, Crusin, Georgies, Jimi's and The Circuit.
We put on a massive Pride festival in June,
- Amy Quinn, Asbury Park, NJ.
First, I want to applaud you for printing, back
to back, an article about fat dykes and an article
about women with facial hair ("Why Fat Chicks
Rock" and "My Lovely Bearded Lady;' Vol. 17,
#1). As a chubby woman with lots of body hair,
I have a wonderful community of friends and
lovers (mostly from the Michigan Womyn's Music
Festival, where I really learned to love these parts
of myself) who are fat, hairy, a combination of the
two, or just love women who are. So I am lucky.
However, I know that most women, queer or not,
do not have the support network I do around
either their fat or their body hair. We never see
ourselves reflected in any positive way in the
media, including the mainstream queer media. So
thank you very, very much.
However, there is one point with which I disagree and that I must address. In the beginning
of the article "My Lovely Bearded Lady;' Alison
Peters says her girlfriend has "excessive facial
hair due to a genetic condition called hirsutism,
defined as 'heavy, especially abnormal, growth of
hair' ... in women:'
Many gynecologists have commented on my
body hair, to the extent that I once got a hormone
test. My hormones are completely normal. And
yet I'm super hairy. I would go so far as to say that
high amounts of body hair are totally normal for
many, many women. Why don't we usually see
Letters
women with a lot of body hair? Because most
women spend hours every month, and hundreds
if not thousands of dollars, removing their body
hair! So we never get to see what the vast majority
of women's natural pattern of body hair looks like.
The very few women (mostly queer, I'd bet) who
do not remove their body hair are thus considered
"abnormal:' I heartily disagree.
Additionally, I believe part of this issue is ethnocentrism on the part of white, Anglo-Saxon
folks. Most of the women in my family are very
hairy; I come from Jewish, Eastern European
stock. Perhaps our standard of body hair, like our
standards of body size, are based on a model that
only fits women from some ethnic groups or with
certain ancestry.
I chink our analysis of the "normalcy" of
body hair (like that of fatness) really needs to be
re-examined. I am tired of doctors and others
thinking my body hair is a"condition'' when I honestly think the only difference between me and
most other women is that I don't shave, pluck,
wax, or laser most of my body hair.
And even if, statistically, my body hair isn't
"normal;' then so what? The bottom line is
learning to love yourself for who you are, and
finding other folks who feel the same.
- Amy Lesen, Brooklyn,N.Y.
Don't Take Our Advice
I was recently at Borders and was checking
out your January issue (Vol. 17, #l). I was a bit
insulted when I got to the piece on dating ("The
Dos and Don'ts of Lesbian Dating") that claimed
that if a girl lives with her parents she may not be
"relationship material:'
I live with my parents. I know several adults
who do, and not once would I consider any
of these people unemployed losers who are
milking their parents. We're struggling artists
and musicans and we hold down "real"jobs while
we do our art and music in our free time. I'm a
painter, well educated, I volunteer, and work two
part time jobs. Neither job offers benefits so I pay
for them, with my own money. This past year I
had thyroid cancer and spent over $4,000 in
medical bills, including paying for inferior health
insurance that didn't cover half of my treatment
or surgeries that my doctors deemed necessary.
Rhode Island doesn't offer health insurance for
people in my tax bracket unless you have children,
which I don't. The state's idea of affordable artist
housing is ludicrous - the housing is for people
who make $25,000 a year.
How dare you tell your readership that I am
someone who might not "be ready for a relationship:' I am plenty ready, how do you know
anything about me? I have a hard enough time
meeting women. I don't need help scaring women
off; the cancer did a fine job with that.
- Melanie Lynn, via e-mail
Editor's Note: Melanie, I'm so sorry to hear about
your healthproblemsanq even sorrierto offend
you. Our tongue-in-cheekadvicewas aimed more at
30-year-oldswho still need mom to do their laundry
while theyplay videogames and pursue theirfourth
bachelordegree.You made a very validpoint.
Got Something on Your Mind?
E-mail letters@curvemag.com; write to CURVE
Letters, 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco,
CA 94103; fax to 415-863-1609. Please include
your name, city and state. Letters may be edited
for clarity and length.
Corrections
Rachael Smith is the founder and Mafia Donna,
not prima donna, of the Atlanta Femme Mafia,
featured in our March issue (Vol. 17, #2). Phase
1, in Washington, D.C., is one of the country's
oldest lesbian bars but not an African-American
bar ("A Lesbian on Capitol Hill, Vol. 17, #2).
Nob Hill is D.C:s oldest African-American gay
and lesbian bar. CuRvE regrets the errors. ■
May 2007
I 11
Dog's Best Friend
Lusty Lady
Mama Bair
The footage of barking, displaced dogs atop
almost completely submerged homes was one
It's hard to look at LoriMichaels,
the self,billed
Dyke Diva, and not think of T and A. But
there's way more than meets the eye: She not
Many know MarciBairas the executive direc,
tor for Family Matters, which according to
Bair, is the world's largest LGBT parenting
only headlines the extraordinarily hot Me &
the Girls dance and singing group, but is also
the founder and president of Reach Out, Inc.
group. She's also president of a San Diego
financial planning and employee benefits firm.
of the hardest things for most animal lovers
to see in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
When veterinarian Dr.LisaHartfelt the
anguish, she jumped in her car and drove from
Ohio to New Orleans to help.
Finding dozens and dozens of displaced
dogs and cats, many suffering from heartwonh,
malnutrition and other ailments, Hart per,
formed on,site emergency care and arranged
transportation back to Ohio for animals need,
ing further treatment. Some were eventually
claimed by owners, while others were adopted.
"I thought that if we could help the pets of
the people who had to leave their homes, this
would make those people rest a little easier;'
Hart says. "I would do it all over again wher,
ever I was needed:'
In doing so, Hart would be leaving behind
her three veterinary clinics: an emergency
hospital, where she is on call at all hours, and
two full,service, specifically low,cost treat,
ment centers.
She also performs many voluntary services,
including providing pro bono work for Happy
Tails Cat Sanctuary, Bully Breed Rescue, PAWS,
Brooklyn Animal Shelter and the South Euclid
Humane Society, and she offers routine, low,cost
and emergency care for police dogs.
Being an out lesbian, she says, hasn't
affected her career, or the outstanding rapport
with her clients and their owners, in any way.
"I never make it an issue, and I don't even
think about it;' she says. - Sheryl Kay
Are you or do you know of a woman
on the frontlinesof activism?
Write us at lettersOcurvemag.com.
12
Icurve
Michaels started the nonprofit when she
was only in high school, having met with
great success when she organized a one,time
entertainment event geared toward bringing
students and community closer. Now, almost
20 years later, the organization has grown
into a far,reaching entertainment venue that
delivers motivational speaking engagements,
customized prevention programs, and health
and fitness presentations to thousands of
students along the East Coast. She and the
other Reach Out performers work on a
volunteer basis.
"I have performed out against drugs,
crime, violence, prejudice, and I am so freakin'
happy to do what I love, love what I do, and
do what I can to make things better out there;'
the former pre,law student says.
~en
Michaels hits the stage with her
dancers in her adults,only Me & the Girls
review, you won't want to miss the show. In
women's events from Key West to P,town
and numerous Pride Fests in between, this
diva and her stunning dancers have brought
new meaning to high,energy, exotic, erotic
and professional lesbian entertainment, sing,
ing and dancing in an explosion of driving
music and sensual fluid motions. Whether
she's onstage with one or four other dancers,
Michaels and her girls will grab your atten,
tion and hold you right at the edge of your
seat until the very last beat. Learn more about
Michaels and Reach Out at lorimichaels
productions.com - Sheryl Kay
And that's only the beginning.
An active member of almost a dozen busi,
ness and LGBT community groups, including
the Business Networking Group, the Financial
Planning Association, the San Diego LGBT
Leadership Council, the South Bay Alliance and
the California Family Unity Network, she never,
theless manages to find time to sit on the YMCA
Parent Advisory Council while also coaching her
two sons in half a dozen sports.
"I am involved with so many activities, [so)
I really wanted to invest in an organization
that directly supports my family and other gay,
headed families like mine;' says Bair.
With San Diego experiencing what Bair
calls a "Gayby Boom;' families are in need of
support and education. The group offers a
host of activities including social events and
educational workshops, all geared toward the
unique and not,so,unique issues that arise in
LGBT households.
Bair has particular concern for those states
that don't allow gay parents to adopt or be
foster parents.
"There are so many people that are fearful
of our families;' Bair says. "But the fact is that
there are more than 588,000 kids in foster
care and more than 110,000 that are ready to
be adopted, and the older they get the harder
it is for them to become adopted. It is really
frustrating seeing all of these kids that need
us, and these people would rather have these
kids grow up in orphanages instead of in a
loving family that happens to have gay parents:'
-Shery/Kay
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MIAMIANDBEACHES.COM or call 1-888-76-MIAMI
Four of Miami's most popular and renowned annual celebrations
highlight a noteworthy calendar of events, attracting visitors
from across the country and around the world,
For a complete
Additional
list of Miami events, visit FestivalSeason,com
information
can be found at GoGayMiami,com
• Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival (4/27/2007 - 5/6/2007)
• Aqua Girl (5/10/2007 - 5/14/2007)
• White Party (11/21/2007- 11/27/2007)
• Winter Party Festival (March 2008)
Curvatures
Seduce Us, Dahlia
Oh, Dahlia! From her saucy electro-pop beats and her spicy Berlin electronica cabaret to her tastefully steamy "Late Afternoon" photographs (viewable on her Web site,
thisisdahlia.com), the multitalented Dahlia Schweitzer has left few erotic artforms
Funny Girls
Howrefreshing
wasit to
haveEllenDeGeneres
hosttheAcademy
Awards?I enjoyedthe
three-plushoursof her
goofyjokesandadorable
demeanor,
notto mentionhercutebutt.If you
lovefemalecomedians
likeEllen,don'tmissthe
9thAnnualFunnyGirlz:A
Smorgasbord
of Women
Comedians
on May19.
Ninediversewomen,
gayandstraight,join
in celebrating
stand-up
comedythatonlyfunny
femalescanprovide.
untouched. Check one more off the list: In-bed audiences are now feverishly gripping
onto her new book SeduceMe. Schweitzer, a veritable jack-of-all-sexy-trades, says, "I
created this alternate identity through which I could follow through all these curiosities that I had that I didn't know how to integrate into my'real' life:' Originally published in German, Seduce Me's storyline promises a plethora of hot lesbians. "Every
scene has one;' she claims. "They are based on personal experiences, but I won't divulge where or how:' Fair enough.
As for Schweitzer's inner rumblings: 'Tm bisexual, which I know some people think
would make my life easier, but it makes it more complicated, in a way. I act and feel
differently with men than I do with women, and I'm not sure which is more right or
more 'real: I swing back and forth, never really certain of what's best for me. I definitely
connect more with women but like the aggression inherent in men. Eventually, hope-
fully,I'll find one person who brings it all together:' Dahlia, please keep your alter egos
coming. - Jaime Roca
Your Car Is Totally Gay
For nearly two years,
Gaywheels.com has been navigating the
Boratstar
automotive
world
off
its
straight and narrow path to a rainbowLuenellbringshervast
licous
destination.
This
sleek
Web site targets LGBT consumcomedicexperience
ers,
and
offers
those
interested
in purchasing a new car (or just
fromLaugh-A-Palooza
drooling
over
someone
else's
andComicViewto
chassis)
a plethora of resources
this
one-nightevent.Also such as car reviews, calculated payment plans, pricing from
laughingit upwill be local dealers nationwide and car insurance quotes.
lesbiancomicandcop
While working in the automotive industry, Gaywheels
AmyBoyd,described
as founder Joe LaMuraglia realized the lack of car companies
that
"thelesbianJim Carrey."
offer their employees domestic partner benefits, at a time when
SherryGlaser,
author
queer consumers were already voting with their pocketbooks.
of OhMy Goddess!
and
This untapped market sparked the idea for Gaywheels.com, a
Adventures
of Super
ActivistMotherwill also consumer Web site that would not only provide potential buybeperforming.
Andyou ers with essential info on the latest cars (like most online autowon'twantto missLisa motive ventures), but also the politics and policies of the comGedulig,
whocreated panies who manufacture them.. A rainbow illuminated
andproduced
Funny car logo indicates whether or not a company proGirlzafterrealizinghow vides all its employees, regardless of where they
littletimewomen work and live, with domestic partner benefits.
comedians
geton
"The gay auto consumer wanted
thestage.Formore something
in their voice that provided
information,
checkout
relevant and actionable information;'
koshercomedy.com.
LaMuraglia said.
-Azania Baker
According to Gaywheels.com, there
are currently 34 gay-friendly car brands,
incuding Audi, Bentley and Nissan, but
12 popular manufacturers, including
Honda, remain non-friendly. In January,
BMW of North America achieved
the Gaywheels.com rainbow stamp of
approval after making their company
14
I
curve
policy gay-friendlier.
LaMuraglia says that the site is sleek enough and political
enough to speak to lesbian and gay consumers, but it also acts
as a professional medium for the auto companies to target the
LGBT market. Besides promoting responsible consumerism,
Gaywheels.com also publishes car reviews, which are witty and
informative, not jargon-driven or testosterone-saturated. The
site also has driver blogs and profiles of queer car enthusiasts.
And while its reviewers are currently largely male, LaMuraglia
is hoping to change that by recruiting and partnering with more
lesbian writers and queer girl organizations.
Despite the fact that Gaywheels bears a rainbow shroud,
LaMuraglia says the site is comprehensive and useful for anyone looking to make an automotive purchase: "Interestingly,
the last time I surveyed my users, 20 percent were straight:'
- Asiana Ponciano
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Gay Kingdom
Gay Kingdom
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A Kingdom of
One's Own
We have exciting news for your favorite gay boy. Tell him he can
take down the Prince William poster from his mind's bedroom wall.
Besides, he is too good for just a prince. He deserves an emperor
- and this one is gay, and single too.
Just 200 nautical meters east of Australia's Great Barrier Reef lies
the Coral Sea Islands, also known as - sound the trumpets - the
Gay and Lesbian Kingdom. In 2004, gay and lesbian activists sailed
over to the largest island, Cato Island, sprinkled some sequins on the
sand and established the territory with the raising of the
rainbow pride flag.
The Gay and Lesbian
Kingdom declared independence from Commonwealth
of Australia out of protest for
Australia's treatment of samesex couples. The fetching blond
emperor of the tropical sand
and shore kingdom is Dale
Parker Anderson, a descen-
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Edward II (1284-1327).
Tell your buddy that he can
send fan mail to his new royal
crush with the Royal Gay Mail stamps: perforated pride testaments
for two euros ($2.60) each. Take your pick; there's the bear brotherhood flag stamp, or maybe he's more of a Leather Pride flag kind of
guy- and don't forget the various gender symbols stamps. However,
Dale's headshot has yet to be put on a stamp. Give them a break; it's
still a new kingdom.
Wanna hear more~ Try gayandlesbiankingdom.com, the country's
Web site, and the book Micronations:The Lonely Planet Guide to
- LesleySeacrist
Home-Made Nations (lonelyplanet.com).
Alicia Keys
Eva Mendes
"I was always with my girlfriend at the time backstage,
but I'm very private about my personal life. She
was my make-up artist, my manager, my hairdresser, my everything_else.">> Supermodel Eve
Salvail on The Tyra Banks Show
"I wanted to do something that was completely
unexpected, totally out of the box, something
that would blow people's minds ... This met that
criteria well. It was very exciting and it.totally took
me out of my element and out of my comfort
zone completely and it challenged me in a way
that was very rewarding for me.">> Alicia Keys
on her acting debut as a lesbian assassin in
Smokin' Aces to CanMag.com
"I have more of a girl audience, which is really
awesome .... I look out and see myself in 'em,
and there's just something about that.">> Gwen
Stefani to BUST
"If I were a guy I'd ask Cameron [Diaz] to marry me.
She's got the greatest spirit, and she has the cutest, tightest butt. Her butt is so cute I can't take
it. And she's also a world-class belcher. I'm not
gonna lie. She totally outbelches me." >> Eva
Mendes to Maxim
May 2007 j 15
Janet McKenzie
I
PAINTER I
Some find her art inspiring; others, infuriating. Her mail gets sifted through and separated
from possible bomb packages, groups warn her of being picketed, and the flood of hateful
phone calls and e-mails seems neverending.
Janet McKenzie, creator of"Jesus of the People" (above), is just one of many controversial
artists who will display work this spring at the JHS Gallery in Taos, N.M. Her depiction of
the black female Christ figure will hang in the gallery from May 12 to June 23 as part of the
exhibit Who Do You Say That I Am? Visions of Christ, Gender andJustice.
f'v-fcKenziewas initially shocked by the public reaction to her work, considering her artistic
intention for the piece. "It came from such a place of love;' she explains. The Vermont-based
artist considers herself spiritual, not religious, and finds her work incorporating many different spiritualities: In "Jesus of the People" she includes the yin-yang symbol from Eastern
philosophies as well as a feather to reflect Native American cultures.
Despite plenty of harsh criticism, "Jesus" has garnered positive attention as well. "I spoke to
many people;' she says, commenting on the piece's three-year tour. "Lesbians, gays and women
of all color have said the same thing: Thank you for opening up our eyes to see how God
created us in His image:•
She is currently finishing up a series of paintings dubbed the Nativity Project,in which
she explores the role of Mary Magdalene and other women as active agents in Jesus' birth to
illustrate women's presence in biblical stories." I thought it was time to include those who are
traditionally left out in representations of Jesus:•- Lesley Seacrist
Curvatures
Finally, the "Other" Mother Wins
revealed that Boring had married a man after her relationship with Jones
ended and that Boring and her new husband had subsequently moved with
the children out of state, to Indiana. Also, Boring instructed her sons to call
her new husband "dad" and sought in many other ways to downplay Jones'
role in their lives.
In their custody dispute, Boring claimed that the children could not be
removed from her custody without a court finding that she is unfit. This
is a much more stringent standard than is applied to heterosexual parents.
The Superior Court of Pennsylvania found this argument to be invalid, and
upheld the notion that same-sex parents a~e to be judged by the same standards used in cases involving heterosexual, non-biological parents.
The ruling hinges on the doctrine of"in loco parentis': a Latin term that
means "in the place of a parent:' This doctrine traditionally refers to the legal
responsibility borne by a person (or, sometimes, an organization) who takes
on some of the functions and responsibilities of a parent. In the opinion
From the "good news" department: This past November the Superior Court
issued with their recent affirmation, the Supreme Court judges cited a 2000
of Pennsylvania upheld a lower court ruling that awarded primary custody
to a non-biological lesbian mom after a custody dispute with her former
partner, the children's biological mother.
case in which the Pennsylvania Supreme Court gave primary custody to a
child's stepfather - who had been acting in the role of parent - rather than
the biological father after the mother died.
"The decision in Jones v. Boring sends a clear message that children are entitled to maintain a relationship with both parents, even if only one parent is
so that Jones would be given primary physical custody of the children and
biologically connected to the child;' says Shannon Minter, legal director at the
National Center for Lesbian Rights, which acted as co-counsel in the case.
"That's good for our families, and particularly good for our children, who
deserve to have stable ties with both parents;' Minter added.
Judge Scott ordered that the original custody arrangement be amended
Boring be given partial physical custody. Boring appealed the decision, which
brought the case to the State Supreme Court level.
In their memorandum opinion affirming Scott's order, the 3-person panel
of Superior Court justices wrote: "Jones did not establish that Boring was
Ellen Boring and Patricia Jones had been together about 10 years when
unfit, and was not required to do so, but Jones did clearly and convincingly
they decided to start a family. Using alternative insemination techniques,
Boring conceived twin boys that the couple raised jointly until they split up in
2001, when their sons were four years old.
todian and that the children's relationship with both parties would be better
fostered if custody were awarded to Jones:'
Initially, Boring was given primary physical custody of the children. Jones
was given partial physical custody and was also ordered to pay child support.
Jones was represented at the trial level by local counsel Maureen Gatto of
Dorian, Goldstein, Wisniewski & Orchinik of Bensalem, Penn. Lambda Legal
But, as Jones alleged in a number of contempt petitions, her ex-partner did not
honor their custody arrangement and instead tried to cut off contact between
staff attorney Alphonso David joined Gatto to deliver arguments before the
Jones and the boys.
In an opinion issued last March, Bucks County Judge Susan Devlin Scott
establish that the children would be better off with her as the primary cus-
Pennsylvania Superior Court. The Center for Lesbian and Gay Civil Rights
and The National Center for Lesbian Rights served as co-counsel in this case.
- Gretchen Lee
No Child Left Behind? Not in Arkansas
Imagine in 13 years, 9 million children will be living without parents in the United States. According to the Casey
Family Program, a national foster care organization, this grim
recognizing gays and lesbians as being effective parents.
Yet even in light of our nation's overall shortage of
capable parents, certain states continue to deny the rights
possibility could become reality.
In celebration of National Foster Care Month, the Casey
Family Program and 14 other large foster care organizations
of queer families. In March, a bill banning LGBT and
unmarried people from becoming foster parents was
introduced into the Arkansas state legislature. The bill fac-
are encouraging people to get involved in our nation's foster
care system.
The American Civil Liberties Union said that while there is
es an uphill battle, considering the state's previous ban on
gay foster parents was lifted 7 years after it was ratified.
an overall shortage of foster care parents, they have also seen a rise
of gay and lesbian parents. Research from the National Adoption
Information Clearinghouse shows that LGBT parents raise an
Judge Timothy Fox heard the circuit court trial, which
challenged the Arkansas stance on LGBT parents. After
his verdict Judge Fox said, "The blanket exclusion can hurt
children by excluding a pool of effective foster parents:•
estimated 6 to 14 million children. As this number grows, the
ACLU says that foster care agencies across the country are
To learn more about foster parenting, visit fostercare
month.org. - Asiana Ponciano
May 2007
j
17
Curvatures
Lesbofile
May Gay Gossip Roundup
From Annie Sprinkle to Lady Sovereign, it looks like love is in the air this spring. I ByJocelynYoo
This month in Lesbofile: Sex, drugs and rock 'n'
roll. Except no drugs this time, just some intoxicatingly hot ladies.
First Comes Love ...
In January, the queen of sexology AnnieSprinkle
and her partner of five years, Beth Stephens,
legally tied the knot in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
"We're totally compatible, both artists with similar tastes, we have the same politics and enjoy doing so many of the same things;' Sprinkle says. "A
special thanks to all my exes for teaching me how
to be a good partner - something I feel I have
finally achieved:' Their ceremony was unlike any
other: a Hindu prayer ritual, drag kings in yellow zoot suits, an Adonis-like male stripper as
Sprinkle's best man, an experimental poetry toast
by the Mother of Dada ... the list goes on and on.
CuRvE's congrats to the newlyweds.
Queen of the Cool List
UK music magazine NME's annual Cool List is
something that every audiophile looks forward to,
and this year's really rocks: BethDitto,lesbian lead
singer for TheGossip,
took the top honors. Though
far from being in MTV's prime time rotation,
NME cited Ditto as "fronting the greatest punk
rock 'n'disco soul band on the planet for years:' So
why is Ditto - whom we knew long ago was going
to be big - only now getting her name boldfaced:>
"Beth is a fire-breathing icon of rock 'n'roll nonconformity;' writes Alex Needham, who compiled the
'06 list. "With a voice like Tina Turner gargling ball
bearings, a megawatt stage presence, a delight in
fl.outing the conventions of dress for 'the larger lady;
Beth would stand out anywhere, never mind in the
blokey indie world:' The cat's out of the bag now.
We'll just have to share her.
Bedfellows
At the American Museum of the Moving Image
tribute to Will Smith, Dreamgirlsstar JamieFoxx
apparently made a swipe at OprahWinfrey
about the
ludicrous rumors that she and BFF GayleKingmay
be more than just friends. "I was talking about you
the other day;'Foxx told Smith in his speech. "I was
laying in bed with Oprah, and I turn over to Gayle
and I say,'You know what:" ... " But before Foxx could
finish his joke, the crowd - including Queen
Latifah
and EvaMendes
- erupted into laugher, obscuring
the punch line. Winfrey and King have repeatedly
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denied rumors of their coupling, laughing them off.
Says King, 'The truth is, if we were gay,we would tell
you, because there's nothing wrong with being gay:'
Fashion Forward
When the cat's away, the mice will play, and so
MichelleRodriguezproves. In January the Lost
actor was spotted at a New York City nightclub,
where she took the stage to showcase her skills on
the stripper pole for 20 minutes before making out
with a mystery woman - who, by the way,was not
her girlfriend, Kristanna Loken. "She took lemon
wedges and greased the pole so she could slide
better;' an eyewitness told the New York Daily
News. "She didn't get naked, but she was hanging
upside down and twirling around. It was wild:'
My only wonder is how sexy it was to see
Rodriguez grinding on a stripper pole while
wearing the court-ordered remote alcohol monitor ankle strap that she was ordered to wear 24
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hours a day for 90 days after her DUI arrest
last year. In early February, the actor was photographed frolicking about Marc Jacobs' show
during New York Fashion Week in a short white
dress with her hefty ankle accessory. Worst dressed
list, here she comes!
Yep, She Did It Yet Again
According to new accounts, former Mouseketeer
BritneySpearswas hardly heading down the
straight and narrow path, even before she started
cutting her own hair and assaulting paparazzi
vehicles with umbrellas. Rap music producer Omar
Iceman Sharif, a friend of Kevin Federline, told In
Touch magazine, "Britney was into threesomes and
girls;' and would often invite her girlfriends over
to their mansion to hook up. Another close source
added, "Sometimes it was three girls, and sometimes there were more like six.... I heard about her
being with girls at least 20 times while they were
married:' Funny, but after her recent head shave
and 24-hour in-and-out attempts at rehab, these
reports are probably the least inflammatory gossip
targeting Spears.
The Rap-Up
The Minnesota Daily, the University of Minnesota's
independent newspaper, reported in January that
Brit rapper LadySovereign
made an appearance
at Gay 90s, touted as "the largest gay and lesbian
complex in the upper Midwest:' Eyebrows arched,
though,
because the self-proclaimed
"biggest
midget in the game" wasn't there to perform; she
was there allegedly to see her rumored girlfriend,
Andrea, who reportedly is 19 years old and has
a child. Obviously there's plenty of speculation
going on here, but really, why else would Sov voluntarily kick it in the Twin Cities' 2-degree winter
weather, if not for a little ass?
The L-Word Isn't "Loken"
Apparently for actor KristannaLoken,there is
such a thing as too much woman. The L Word
actor told producers of the show that she wouldn't
be back for another season because of tension
among her and her castmates. "It's an entire
show of women and the amount of egos and
insecurities and cattiness that can go with a
bunch of women, that's what you get;' Loken said,
according to Contact Music. Don't we know it.
Well, we'll miss you, Kristanna. ■
Ab
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Ferronwldllltdl
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Ferrick
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Curvatures
Marriage Equality Means "I Do" for Everyone
MEUSA supporters, friends, family and allies visited county clerk offices
around the country with the purpose of pointing out the everyday discrimination of same-sex couples. MEUSA advocates stormed the county clerks'
offices armed with flowers, candy and balloons and applied for marriage
licenses. While none of the same-sex couples walked away with a license in
hand, many county clerks did stand in support of the cause. McKay's wife,
Dr. Davina Kotulski, author of Why You Should Give a Damn About Gay
Marriage, is executive director of MEUSA. Together, the couple has been
fighting for marriage equality since 1996.
McKay herself is a visual billboard for the effort, wearing a wedding dress
an average of fifty days a year. People often mistake her for a jilted bride to
which she replies, "Oh no, I am a marriage equality activist. My wife and I
want the same rights and responsibilities that heterosexuals get:'
While most of the American population was either shopping for roses and
conversation hearts or sitting at home and moping, Molly McKay, media
director of Marriage Equality USA (MEUSA), spent last Feb. 14 working
on one of the year's biggest marriage equality campaigns.
McKay is quick to point out that this is not a protest, but rather an
opportunity to educate people and call attention to the inequality same-sex
couples experience every day, and the 1,138 federal rights that are withheld
by legally invalidating their commitment. Since Valentine's Day is supposed
to be the most romantic day of the year, McKay points out, "How unromantic is it to ask your partner, 'Will you civil union met'
For more information on MEUSA and the forthcoming Wedding March
for Equality being held Saturday, May 19, 2007, in New York, San Francisco,
and many other locales, log on to marriageequality.org. - Carol Bryant
Now is the perfect time to plan a late Spring or
~tac~fs®Classic ~pinach Artichoke Dip
Memorial Day bash. Good planning will help
ensure it will be memorable!
Ingredients: I ( 14oz.) can artichoke hearts, drained and
chopped, ½ ( I Ooz.) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed,
½ cup sour cream, ¼ cup mayonnaise, ¼ cup cream cheese,
¼ cup Romano cheese, grated, ¼ teaspoon garlic, minced.
Mix it up.
Invite a few new friends - the mix of old and new will help
keep things interesting. Speakingof interesting, why not serve
Stacy's®Pita Chips? With flavors like Parmesan Garlic & Herb,
they're definitely not the same old snack.
Directions
Preheat oven to 375° F. Mix artichoke hearts, spinach, sour
cream, mayonnaise, cream cheese, Romano cheese, and garlic.
Cover dish. Bake until hot and bubbly (about 25 minutes).
Serve with Stacy's® Pita Chips. Serves 6-10.
Highlight your best skills.
Love to cook? Make your best-loved
specialties. Love to garden? Pick
your best flowers for arrangements.
Serve finger food.
Skip the extra work and cleanup.
Serve fun finger foods like Stacy's®
Pita Chips and other appetizers that
don't require plates. Let guests serve
themselves in bite-sized portions.
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Curvatures
Danner to the Rescue
A woman is beaten every nine seconds and, according to the
American Institute on Domestic Violence, 5.3 million women
are abused each year.
Happy Anniversary
To Us!
Youknowhowyousometimesforgetthefirst day
youmet,or theanniversaryof yourthird kissor
someotherdatethat's
oh-so-precious
to her
andthenyourgirlfriend
makesyousleeponthe
couchfor a week?Well,
wefeelyourpain.It's not
that weforgotthatthis
issuemarksCuRvE's
17th
anniversary,
it's just that,
likea lot of you,we were
so busywith life (like,uh,
puttingtogethera magazine)thatwe didn'thave
timeto celebrate.Butstay
tunedto ourspecialJune
GayPrideissuewhere
we'll tell youall about
usanda littleaboutyou
(whoknows,we might
just surpriseyou)and
celebrateouranniversary
in style.- Editors
South Florida lesbian rock musician J.D. Danner is hoping her music can bring awareness and empowerment to the
victims of these chilling statistics.
After performing at a fundraiser for Women in Distress,
a nonprofit chat provides emergency shelter and support co
abused women and their children, the musician was inspired
to pen the song "Shelter from the Shame:'
"I heard many of the women's stories and I wanted to
do something to try to bring healing and stop the violence;'
Danner says. "Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age or economic status:'
A portion of the proceeds from both Danner's single and
music video benefit Women in Distress. "Many women don't
seek help because they're afraid of losing their children in the
system. Boys ages 14 or older are typically not able to be at a
shelter;' she says. 'Tm hoping to raise enough money to build
a shelter where women can bring their older children with
chem:'
In addition to her strides toward ending domestic violence,
the generous entertainer also donates her time and talent to
the American Cancer Society and Operation Homefront, a
nonprofit organization chat helps military spouses and fami-
developed a new brew, called the Troops Blend, and have donated hundreds of bags of the coffee for Danner to distribute
to military families.
On her rare downtime, Danner's a charmingly regular gal,
who loves watching reruns of The Golden Girls and Queer as
Folk, playing tennis and the occasional shot of Jack Daniel's.
She recently completed her third album, Maybe It's Just Me.
Her meaningful lyrics and unique fusion of rock, blues and
country have gained her a loyal fan base nationwide. Now in
Nashville, Danner is working on her fourth album, set to be
released this summer.
"The reason I play music is because I feel I was born to do
it and I'd like to do something good with it;' Danner says. "I
feel many of the artists that get that big
break waste that opportunity by not doing something positive
to make a difference
in the world:' Sing it,
sister. For the latest,
check out jddanner.
com. - Tammy Lam
Cinematic Sex Ed
Dedicated to the positive representation of alternate sexualities, New York's annual CineKink Film Festival made its ritualiscic return to San Francisco's Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
in January. The sexy and educational series contained about a
dozen films, shorts, docs and features, each exploring the dark
reaches of what critics call perversion and dykes often call kink.
Aerlyn Weissman's doc WebCam Girls taught me a little
something about what I once considered the domain of procrastinating college kids. Bridging interviews of prominent
webcam starlets with academic commentary, this film gives its
subject an examination of sexy-smart proportions. By way of
self-reflexive conventions, WebCam Girls does
221curve
lies. Danner recently teamed up with The Boca Bean and Tea
Company, a fair trade, women-owned organic beanery. They
on BDSM (featuring dominatrix Mistress Midori), this doc
posits that BDSM as "the only sex that you need classes to
perform correctlY:' Indeed. Describing the experience of being
"under;• the BDSM practitioners in the film introduce viewers
to a mind-boggling depth of erotic exploration.
Though the notion of using sex to ritualistically explore
consciousness is erotic on its own, I couldn't help thinking chat
the most educational films include visual aids. Going Under
therefore brought an extra does of sexy to the BDSM theme.
Psychotherapist Peter (Roger Rees) is pursuing Suzanne
(Geno Lechner) outside of the"office" in this emotionally vague
flick. While it cakes a little patience to manage the
ambiguity, the film ultimately makes a strong point
about the messiness of sexual relations: Peter and
Suzanne only ever know part of their desires, to say
nothing of understanding them. For these charac-
for webcam girls what Doug Block's stylishly
self-possessed Home Pagedid for home pages. If
you liked Mary Anne Doane's oft quoted article
"Film and Masquerade;' this flick will give you a
good time, dictionary not required.
Those who thought WebCam Girls' look
at cyber "peep shows" was too philistine likely
appreciated the more educational approach of
Howard Scott Warshaw's documentary Vice
ters, and others in the CineKink films, sexual "release" (wink, wink) is slight in comparison with the
kind of deepened consciousness they experience
through sex. Though not assertedly queer, these
films do ilustrate how sex that transcends gender
and Consent:The Art of Wrapping Intimacy in
Very Scary Paper.A knowledgeable exposition
and social protocol can lead to a river and that river
runs deep. - Sara Schieron
Curvatures
Tribute to an Activist Diva
law after a three-year battle with ovarian cancer,
and gathering her community to her in a revolutionary way through her LoveTroopers social
support network -
Heather was a true revolu-
tionary.
The years that I knew Heather were not her well
years. We met just briefly before she was diagnosed.
In some ways, this hastened our friendship. As her
fellow activist and friend, there was so much she
wanted to tell me. We had a strange, sweet intimacy
that was mildly unsettling to both of us.
Before she moved to Portland, I kept wondering why I felt called to make those 12-hour
road trips to San Francisco to see her - through
mudslides, snow storms, flooded roads and howling winds. After all, death and dying are the most
private things a person can do, and who was I, this
new-ish energy, to be taking up invaluable emotional and intellectual real estate? I wondered why
I loved her so effortlessly, even as I was only begin-
If you look up diva in your dictionary, you will not find a picture of
Heather MacAllister. But you might find, over the course of your life~
time, several hundred folks who have pasted one into their own.
I met Heather MacAllister on May 3, 2003,
when she and the incredible troupe of big beauties she founded ("Big Burlesque: The Original
Fat-Bottom Revue") landed in Portland, Ore.
for the first FatGirl Speaks event. I walked into
the venue and, standing at the end of the hallway
was this personified vision of raw sexuality and
empowerment. Her body was draped with the
most fabulously ridiculous cotton-candy pink
faux-fur jacket and matching hat. Larger than life,
in the most delicious way. I was both fascinated
and intimidated instantly.
The intimidation factor melted away when,
noticing how uncomfortable I was being sleeveless
in public for the first time in my adult life, Heather
caught my eyes, She smiled, leaned down, kissed
my arm with her bright red lips and told me I was
beautiful. My humiliation melted and I wore her
lipstick like a badge of honor and bravery.
What struck me about Heather then, and continued to strike me throughout the years I knew
her, was the dichotomy of brash, power-house Diva
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to tender, compassionate Mama that made up the
hook, line and sinker of her personality.
So many people have written about the effective activist and glamorous heroine that she was
- and I will too - but what made Heather a force
of change in my life wasn't just her actions. It was
her righteous anger and her steely-eyed determination which was driven completely by her incredible
heart and her wealth of empathy and compassion.
Heather fought with every breath she had for
empowerment, for herself and for everyone around
her. She cast her activist net wide and lived in a
world where the seemingly transparent intersections between race, class, ability, orientation, gender and body presentation glowed in front of her
like laser alarm triggers in a James Bond movie.
She made seen what was unseen, and she did so
gently and with a firm, but loving tone. Heather's
every deed was in advocacy.
From working for the Triangle Foundation and
Trans gender Michigan, helping Sondra Solovay
to help get anti-size/weight discrimination laws
passed in San Francisco, sitting on the board of
Al-Fatiha, the nation's only organization for sexual
minority Muslims and on the board ofNOLOSE,
an organization for fat queer women and transgender people - to founding Big Burlesque to
bring women of size to the front lines of sexual
empowerment, to the very way that she died,
taking advantage of Oregon's Death with Dignity
ning to get to know her.
But that's where Heather's Diva/Mama knockout combo really had the most impact. She loved
me, and I loved her, because we saw in each other
that same core of love, wrapped in the same fire of
anger and indignation, framed in the same history
of personal hurt and exhausting global awareness.
Because Heather couldn't, and I will not, sit still
while the world feels wrong.
Because Heather's wish, for me, for herself and
for us all, was always that we find within ourselves
our own divinity. That we love ourselves so well
that we refuse to be denied our beauty, that we
refuse to be denied our joy and that we refuse to
be denied, above all, our power.
The morning Heather died, she pulled me
in close to her and, with sweet and loving words,
passed her activist baton, which I'm breaking into a
kajillion different pieces and passing on to all of you.
Learn from this woman, my friend. One woman,
claiming her power, can affect hundreds. Hundreds
of women, claiming their power, can affect
thousands. Recognize your beauty, and recognize
your worth. You are beautiful. Heather said so.
Heather MacAllister died on Feb. 13, 2007,
after a three-year battle with ovarian cancer at age
38. Heather is survived by her Grandma Simian;
her sisters Hope, Holly, Sossity and Tina; and
her beloved Chevalier, Kelli Dunham. Memorial
services took place in Portland, Ore., Detroit,
New York, San Francisco and Boston. Please
visit nolose.org for memorial information.
- Stacy Bias
May 2007
I
23
1 Elm City Bone Crushers roller derby girls knocked it out at their first
bout in Waterbury, Conn., in December 2 Party girls (from left) Randi
Swords, Sara Kenny and Gabby Tucker at Miami's Winter Pride 3 Bold
Strokes Books' Lesbian Authors Festival on Valentine's Day at Casitas
Laquita resort in Palm Springs, Cali£, brought in authors and fans alike,
including (from left) editors Shelley Thrasher and Jennifer Fulton, writ~
ing team Austin and Andrews, Cheryl Craig, and authors JLee Meyer and
Catherine Friend 4 L Word star Marlee Madin looks lovelier than ever in
the Red Dress Collection at Mercedez~Bem:'s New York Fashion Week in
Bryant Park in February 5 Sexier than ever, Melissa Ferrick rocked the
house at historic Toads Place in New Haven, Conn., in January
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6 (From left) guest Michelle Fry, RGM's Rebecca Weeks, Julie Blaustein of Bubblicious
and Real Girls Media's Kate Thorp at the DivineCaroline.com launch at Sutra in
San Francisco 7 Bold Strokes Books' Lesbian Authors Festival attendees (from left)
Shelley Thrasher, author duo Andrews and Austin and a fan 8 Billlie Jean King made
sneakers work at the Red Dress Collection fashion event for Mercedes~Benz 9 Bisexual
hottie Bai Ling works the red carpet at the annual GM Ten gala in Los Angeles 10 Fellow
bi babe Ione Skye was also there 11 Sexy Marlee Madin laughs it up with Jennifer Beals at
Showtime's The L Word premiere in New York
Advice
Ask Fairy Butch
Is Age Just a Number:'
Dear Fairy Butch: I have found lately that I
tend to be much more attracted to women
at least 10 years older than me, if not more.
I'm 20 years old and a college student, and
it's certainly more likely for me to get hot for
my professors than for fellow classmates. I
find this really difficult for a few reasons:
Many times, there is some authority conflict (i.e., student-professor) that would prevent us from ever sleeping together. Also,
although intelligent, older women make me
lose my mind, and they intimidate me a little. I am pretty confident that I'm no slouch,
but I lack sheer experience and don't know
really how to get these women to notice
me, or what it is that I have and they might
want. Help! - Youthful in Yosemite
Dear Youthful: Ooh, sugar, some may bristle at
my affirmative response. I say an age difference in
a relationship can be a lot of fun, though it can
also bring a lot of peril. (Consult a copy of The
Graduatefor examples of both.)
But as long as you're not breaking any statutory age laws and if you're truly ready for it, I say
bring it on! Problem is, you may more readily
find the sex to be sizzling than the relationship
actually are. A lot of listening and just being yourself will go far in this endeavor. Older women who
date younger women may be interested in a quasimentoring relationship. Is that something that
interests you? If so, you can make yourself attractive to her by being very attentive to her in conversation and showing real interest in her work.
Naturally, this is important to any relationship,
but she may be giving you advice and helping along
the way. Be forewarned that this could lead to a
distinct power imbalance in your relationship.
One caveat to all of this: You will want to limit
your spring-summer romances to women who are
not actually in authority over you - professors,
deans, what have you - that sort of theme can be
quite messy indeed.
Good luck plucking those not-so-young spring
chickens, my dear!
Dear Fairy Butch: I'm 18 and pretty sure
I'm a lesbian, although I haven't had
much experience. But that's not the
question I have for you. A close friend of
mine asked me if I would have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Being
ready to explore and somewhat comfortable with the idea, I said sure. This will
Avoidthe trap intowhichentanglesso manyyoung
peoplewitholderlovers:tryingto pretendyou'remore
conversantwiththe topicsat handthanyou actually
are.A lot of listeningandjustbeingyourselwill
f go far in
thisendeavor.Olderwomenwho date youngerwomen
may be interestedin a quasimentorinrelation
g
ship.
Is
that somethingthat interestsyou?
to be perfectly copacetic, but whom among us
has that? Nonetheless, don't expect her to be on
the same wavelength as someone your own age;
music, clubbing and issues around money are
likely to come into the fray.
Like you said, it's easy to see why such older
women would intimidate you. I think that in this
case, honesty is the best policy. That is, avoid the
trap into which entangles so many young people
with older lovers: trying to pretend you're more
conversant with the topics at hand than you
26
Icurve
just be a lustful experiment for me.
The only part of this that makes me
uncomfortable is that I won't have a clue
what I'm doing. That makes me feel a bit insecure. I know how to have sex with a man
or a woman, but with three people I don't
want anyone to be left out. Since they have
an intimate relationship together already,
I'm not really sure how I'll fit into this. My
question for you is how can we share the
attention equally? - Third in Tallahassee
Dear Third: Go
on with your bad sel£ dumpling, and stake out some new territory on your
sexual road map! Though you're not a member
of the couple in the posited menage, you are a
close friend to one of them, and thus are not immune to the potential emotional hailstorm that
might follow as a result of this tryst. You have to
examine your motives for your adventure. If it's to
get something going with the female partner on
the side, you should probably rethink the idea. If
you have a more holistic venture in mind, say you
fantasize about the notion of an extra mouth and
pair of hands or genitals around you, then you are,
indeed, a better candidate for the encounter.
As far as divvying up the attention, I think that
having had a decent amount of sexual experience
with both men and women will put you in good
stead for the upcoming occasion. Just find a way to
be conscious of an extra bod in the bed. Help to
ensure that there is always a set of hands, mouth
or genitals on the body of each participant, unless,
of course, they are happy under their own steam
for a time. This can be a good time to trot out
"69" fantasies, which can be easily adapted for an
extra mouth or pair of hands on the ass, genitals
or body.
And don't hesitate to use toys in this scenario,
love bug; they can really help in getting to those
sometimes crowded places that can otherwise
be difficult to reach. If you are well-coordinated
enough, two people on one can really enact some
sensations that are difficult to achieve in a one-onone. Think mouths on breasts at the same time
as cunnilingus, among many other favorite standards. Viva la menage! ■
E-mailJb@fairybutch.com
with your queriesregarding
lesbianlife,sexualityand romance.
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Lipstick & Dipstick Advice
Online Dating Dilemmas
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
I am still madly in love with my ex-girlfriend,
who is now dating a guy. We broke up a
year ago, and it seems I will never get over
her. Our biggest challenge was that we
were in a long-distance relationship. If we
would have met, it could have lasted, but
I was too much of a chicken to do so. We
are finally going to meet in a few months,
and I'm unsure if I should bring this all up,
especially since her boyfriend will be with
her. I'm in need of some real help. - Wet
Behind the Ears
Dipstick: Wait, I don't get it. How can you be in
love with someone you've never met:' I must be
behind the times. Do people actually date without
ever meeting:'
Lipstick: Haven't you heard, Dipstick:' Longdistance romance with someone you've never
met is the hot new dating trend. A girlfriend on
demand. If she starts to nag about how you're talking too softly or how you never use spell-check,
you can just drop the call or send her into your
spam folder. It's genius.
Dipstick: And it's creepy. Unless you're in junior
like when I was certain I was in love with
Kristy McNichol even though I'd only drooled on
her picture - how can you be in love with someone you've never met in person:' Don't put yourself
through the torture of meeting her now because
it will only disappoint. Let her live on in your
fantasies and learn from your mistake. Next time
you find a girlfriend online, take her on a real date
before she, too, chooses flesh over flowery e-mails.
this with friends because they don't know
about me, so I'd appreciate any advice you
can offer. - Mommy Queerest
Al-Anon meeting. Once there, you'll meet others who are in the same predicament. Soon you'll
realize you can't control or cure Denise's destructive habits, just like you can't control the lesbian
Lipstick: Oh my god, girl, get the fuck out of the
closet! That's a good place to start. Long-distance
relationships can work, but you have to be willing
to a) be honest about your life, b) travel and c)
make time for each other. Considering the circumstances - especially if you're hiding the fact
that you like Egg McMuffs for breakfast - forget
impulse to move in with someone you don't even
know. Trying to do so will only frustrate you and
make the situation worse.
about it.
Dipstick: Dude, why are you being so hard on
Mommy Queerest:'
Lipstick: Did you just call me Dude:'
Dipstick: While I agree that life both in the closet
and in long-distance relationships can be challenging, she's probably afraid her kids will be taken from
her because she's gay.
Lipstick: Well, she'll be happier and a far better
role model if she stands in the truth of who she
is. Kids sense that shit. MQ I encourage you to
temporarily cut the cord with Dr. Dipstick and
come out already.
high -
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Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
My girl and I have been together for four
years. When we met on Match.com, she
was in medical school and didn't want to
get involved with anyone because she'd be
relocating for her residency.Well, now she's
gone, and it's torture. I have kids and am
divorced. We talk on the phone every day
but haven't been able to find the time to
see each other as often as we had planned
(when my ex-husband has the kids). I'm
worried I'll grow tired of the situation
because I haven't seen any long-distance
relationships work. I can't exactly share
Lipstick: TT, how could you not know Denise
was a tobacco-breathed, booze-loving, midnight
toker prior to shacking up:' Before you move out,
take a moment and pick up one of the roaches she
left in the ashtray. Now light that little fucker and
take a hit. Feeling better:'
Dipstick: Lipstick, you're joking, right:' There's a
saying in Al-Anon: "Let it begin with me:• Heed
that advice, Terry. Stop trying to change Denise
and focus on yourself. Eventually you may decide
it's time co leave, but it's important to understand
how you got into this situation in the first place.
Lipstick:I was kidding, Dip. Terry shouldn't start
using illegal drugs; a simple shot of tequila should
do the trick. Don't forget the lime and sale, and
maybe a new chica caliente to drink it with. ■
Ask us anything about sex, loveor lesbiansat lipstick
dipstick.com.
Dipstick: This is terrible advice. Mommy,
instead pick one good friend, someone you implicitly trust, and come out to her. You'll immediately
feel better as the ray of light peeking in from the
cracked closet door shines on your cheek. As for
your lady, come up with a schedule for seeing each
other, something you can both handle, like once a
month. After four years, chat's about as often as
you were having sex anyway, right:'
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
I am in a relationship with a woman named
Denise. Our problems revolve around her
bad habits: drinking, smoking and recreational drug use. I've told her how much
they hurt me, but she continues boozing and puffing away. What compounds
the situation is that we live together, and I
didn't know she did all these things before
I moved in. What should I do? Move out?
- Tense Terry
Dipstick: Before you move out, head over to an
May 2007
I
27
Advice
Relationships
Are You Marriage Material:
1. When the wedding march plays, you hear:
A. The sound of Disney characters singing gaily.
B. The sound of your lover's voice promising forever in your ear.
C. The clicking of a pair of handcuffs, much like those you used with your last girlfriend.
D. The slamming shut of a prison cell, no chance of parole.
2. Your attitude toward a commitment ceremony or wedding is:
A. It's the first day of our real relationship where we will be together forever in unconditional,
carefree, fairy~tale love.
B. The perfect opportunity to publicly declare my affection for my girl in front of friends and family.
C. Open bar, free gifrs, hanging out with my friends - what more could I want?
D. Bachelorette party! One last time to check out my ex~girlfriends in their sexy outfits and think
about the hot old days. Damn.
3. When planning your wedding, your role will be:
A. To completely plan the perfect day, beginning to end. People will write songs about how beauti~
ful this wedding was.
B. To collaborate with my partner so the day reflects both of our personalities.
C. To call all of my friends and ex~girlfriends to give them one last opportunity to talk me out of
this. Better safe than sorry.
D. Wait, what? When?
RESULTS
Foreachanswer,
giveyourself
thefollowingpoints:
A= 2 points
B = 3 points
C = 4 points
D = 5 points
10 points
Youthinkthata weddingis the perfectculmination
of yourrelationship.
Youshouldconsulta therapist,
asyouareslightlydelusional
regarding.the
reality
of the institutionof marriage.
Beinghitchedis
nota cure-allfor whatailsyou.Thereis a great
possibility
thatyouareexpecting
too muchof your
relationship,
anticipating
thatyourwifewill fulfill
you,defineyouandmakeyouwhole.Contrary
to
sappycinema,noonecancompleteyou,unless
youarea fill-in-the-blank
or the Bionicwoman.
11-15 points
4. The most important part of being married is:
A. We are together forever and never apart. Not for a minute.
B. We find a way to stay together, celebrating our commitment while still maintaining our
individuality.
C. Even if it doesn't work out, she'll be friends with me and we'll probably still live together.
D. That it isn't really legal yet, and restraining orders are easy to get.
5. Which of these songs would play for your first dance and define your marriage?
A. "You Light Up My Life"
B. "Light My Fire"
C. "Blinded by the Light"
D."Turn out the Lights (The Party Is Over)"
Youareso readyto be marriedthatyoucould
modelfor a wedding-cake
topper.Takethe plunge
withfull knowledge
thatyouareto commitment
whatAnneHecheis not,well,to commitment.
You
knowyouloveyourwoman,andthe bothof you
agreeonfindingbalancein yourlifetogether.
You
knowmarriagetakesworkandrequiresa sense
of selfin orderto haveanythingto sharewith each
other.Mazeltov!
16-20 points
You'vehada lot of partnersin the past;manyof
themarestill aroundthe periphery.
However,
they
seemto provideonlya minordistraction
for youas
youfaceyournuptials.You'reindecisive
whentryingto decidewhereto goona datewithyourgirl,
sowhatmakesyouthinkyoucandecidewhether
or notto spendthe restof yourlife with her?Stop
lettingyourfearandyourfriendsdecideyourfate.
21-25 points
Youaretheantithesisof marriagematerial.Sure,
it's a niceidea,butit fliesin thefaceof your
catch-and-release
approach
to women.Don'tdo
the "I do"justfor the gifts.A toasterovenain't
worththe painyou'llhaveto inflictaswellas
endurelaterasyouseparateyourpersonalproperty,includingthetoasteroven.Youarenotquite
readyfor the altar.
Kate Lacey createdthis month'squiz. .lfyou have ideas
you'd like to see tested,e-maileditor@curvemag.com.
2s
I
curve
Astro Grrl Advice
Ask And Ye Shall Receive
Your ideas
ship with some lusty, dirty affair? Hell yeah! Career:
at work capture the attention of the senior staff. May delivers
opportunity and growth. Can she deliver a little extra for me?
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
Sex: A light flirtation around the water cooler can bring a work
romance to a raging boil. Will you get wet and wild or just scaldBusiness relationships heat up and can take you to
ed? Career:
new levels of power. Will you be on a ladder up or a chute down?
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Sex: Get creative and serve up a tasty menu of exotic delicacies.
You will work hard
Does May have a discerning palate? Career:
May. How boring
this
professionally
get
can
you
for whatever
is that?
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
Sex: May revs up your sex drive and makes you virtually insa-
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Sex: Do you have something meaningful to say? Say it loud,
proud and queer. Sapphic Bulls on the hoof wander into new
Be more strategic
lush pastures. Stay and graze a while. Career:
this May. Career opportunities are there, but they're below the
surface. Stop, look, listen and then act.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
tiable. You are a sexy beast, Sagittarius! What a nice change of
You would rather have fun this month. And you
pace. Career:
find all sorts of ways to skirt work and loaf on the job. So who's
the skirt, anyway?
May revs
up yoursex
driveand
makesyou
virtually
insatiable.
Youare a
sexybeast,
Sagittarius!
What a nice
changeof
pace.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Sex: You ache for a relationship. If you are in one, do some work
on it and it will improve. If you are looking for one, do some work
Caps find themselves
on yourself and you will improve. Career:
working from home this May. Is it your own business, or are you
into others' businesses? Try going out for lunch.
Sex: Shower your many lover girls with lavish, expensive gifts,
then see who really loves you for you, and who just loves you
Friends provide you with a leg up
for the money. Uh-oh. Career:
professionally this spring. But you have to ask for whatever you
want like fellow Gemini Melissa Etheridge. Is it really a career
boost, or is it something else?
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Sex: Examine your diet and exercise regime this May. Not only
will you feel better, you will have more energy to feel her better. Sweet! Career:Have a great idea? You get a boost from an
unlikely ally this May. Conspire to shake the corporate girders
with your brilliance, but watch for any shakeout.
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Sex: Hot Crab is on the menu this May. Even complete strangers
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
adore you. Why ask why? Dive into a few new pools and see who
You are a force to be reckpaddles by with tanning butter. Career:
oned with on the job. Push ahead and stomp on any competitor.
Not so fast, though. There's something to be said for subtlety.
Sex: I see tons of fun and more than a few romances for Guppies
this May. But will you party too much and become a dissipated
You finally get the raise you
wreck? We can only hope! Career:
were looking for this May. Now use it to get a rise out of youknow-who. Woo hoo!
Leo (July 24-August 23)
Sex: There is something about you that is loosey, goosey,juicy
and very attractive. You have a secret admirer; is it April, May or
Lionesses travel
June? Don't wait for Summer to tell you! Career:
for work all through May. Don't forget about the one who waits
for you at home. Why not bring her along?
Virgo (August 24-Sept. 23)
Sex: Virgins can find a new love among their usual group of
gal pals. But do you really want to ruin a perfectly good friend-
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Sex: Lambda Rams can plan a few domestic soirees this month
that are certain to attract a certain honeybee to their hive. Start
Highlight your great work this May. All eyes are
a buzz! Career:
upon you, so give them something startling to stare at and envy.
Wait ... is your blouse open? ■
For more advice from the stars, visit our astrologer,Charlene
Lichtenstein,onlineat thestarryeye.com.
May 2007
I29
Dyke Drama
Michele Fisher
How Bad Do You Want Her?
A good romp with a bad girl can be fun, as long as you watch your step.
S
he wasn't my first bad girl nor was she the worst, but she was the most
unrepentant.
Nothing is sexier than a woman who tells you that she is bad. Unless it's a
woman who tells you that she is very bad. It's true that you can't save the devil
from hell, but I didn't learn that lesson until several women later.
She drank too much. She talked too loud, smoked and swore, so she was
frequently kicked out of taxis before her desired destination.
I met her in a restaurant where I worked. She came in and ordered her
breakfast: a beer and a vegetarian omelet at 4 p.m. She didn't have enough
money for a tip but cold me to come to the bar where she worked that night
so she could make it up to me.
It was a seedy place right down the street from the restaurant, but I never
noticed it before because it didn't have a dance floor. I plopped myself on a
well,worn brown Naugahyde bar stool and just watched.
She had a cigarette burning at each end of the bar. She would strut from
one ashtray to the other taking drink orders. When she took your order,
she had to lean out over the bar and put her face within kissing distance of
yours. I took it as blatant flirtation, and it probably was that too, but I later
learned that she was deaf in one ear because of a car accident. She was one
of the two drunken drivers. This explained all the yelling and the slurring
she did, too. Sometimes when a patron ordered a cocktail she would bellow
out a rude comment like ''A Cape Cod? Can you find me a fucking Kennedy
to tell me what's in one?" If she liked the sound of your drink, she might
pour herself a "baby" one and give you a quick "cheers, queers" before she
poured it down her throat on the way to her next ashtray destination. A
couple of times that night, she turned down the music, once to utter a filthy
rhyme about Madonna and another time to belch. When she came from
behind the bar to collect glasses and bottles, she pushed her way through
the crowd yelling profanities, grabbing tits and ass as she pleased. Nobody
seemed to mind one bit.
She wasn't pretty, she wasn't even good,looking,
but she was brazen and carried herself like a rock
star, which we all thought was mighty hot. I was
hooked. She scared me; I wanted to see more. She
was indeed a bad girl.
When I finished my free drink, she brought me
another and told me I could hang around after she
closed the bar if I felt like it. I felt like it. At about 5
a.m., after a bottle of Seagram's, we were in a cab and
on the way to my house. She was staying with a friend
so her place - well, she didn't really have one, did she?
"Why waste beer money on rent?" she said. We had a
sloppy makeout session in the cab - at least we
made it all of the way to my place without getting
kicked out of the car - and then a bout of drunken
aerobic sex on my living room floor. The sex was
wild, but not in a good way. It was out,of,control
blackout sex where you might sustain a cracked rib
as easily as have an orgasm.
She rolled over a few hours later, pulled a warm
stolen beer out of her backpack and downed it in
one long pull. Then, she put her dirty clothes back
on and stumbled out my front door into the blinding
daylight. I slept another few hours before I started
obsessing about when I could see her again.
That afternoon, on the way to work, I vowed to let
her call me first. She didn't. So, I headed back to her
bar that night hoping she would be glad to see me. I
had her bad taste in my mouth, and I needed more.
I went to that bar for the next 13 nights.
Sometimes she would come home with me; other
times she would just want to have crazy sex in the
dank backroom of the bar, on the pool table or
under the pinball machine, and then take her own
cab wherever. We never saw a movie, shared a meal
30
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or had a real date. When my friends wondered where I had been, I told them
"around:' When they asked me her name, I gave a fake one. When they asked
me if they could meet her, I told them it wasn't that serious. What's the use of
having a bad woman if she can't be your dirty little secret?
On the 14th night, she wasn't happy to see me.
I got off work, went to her bar and found her making out with some surfer
girl. When she saw me walk in, she just blew her smoke past the surfer's right
ear, and kept on going at it. I should have left then, but I couldn't. I just had
to know if she had any feelings at all for me. I stayed, hoping she would say
something comforting or encouraging to me. She did not. I ordered a cocktail.
She set it in front of me without comment, but accepted full payment for it and
put the money in her tip jar instead of the register. Nothing was on the house
anymore. As the evening scraped on, I twisted my look of disappointment into
a sullen mask of disapproval, but she didn't seem to notice. By closing time, I
had my speech memorized, but she never got to hear it. She kicked me out with
everybody else, except the surfer. When I demanded an audience with her, she
laughed and waved me off like a hovering fruit fly. I got loud, and she flashed
from jovial to hostile as she literally pushed me out the door, then snapped the
lock shut in front of my stupid, shocked face.
How could it be that I was having sex with this woman less than 24 hours
ago, and now she was slamming a door in my face?
I went home and gathered up all of her belongings that she had left at
my place - a T-shirt, some CDs and a mechanical hair clipper set - and
flung them into the swimming pool behind my apartment. I had never done
anything like that before. I was trying to be bad but ended up feeling dramatic
and silly,especially when my building manager came out onto his balcony two
stories up and informed me (and the entire complex) that I would be retrieving all of that crap pronto unless I wanted to get booted out.
A few days later, I was still deep in my funk when she rang my buzzer
and asked for her stuff. She seemed genuinely shocked by my tearful rant
and was incensed by the sight of her water-damaged goods. How could I be
so childish and destructive? I countered by asking her how she could be so
callous and untrue.
She answered that she was an alcoholic bartender who had never asked
for a relationship. Her logic was hard to argue with.
She wanted a new set of clippers. I wanted her to hear me out. She never
did get those new clippers, and my words fell on two deaf ears as the badass
walked out on me.
Years later, I was hailing a cab in the Castro when I heard a vaguely
familiar voice behind me asking me where I was going. I turned to see my
bad bartender poised to hop in the arriving taxi with me. During the ride,
I realized that I did feel bad about wrecking her stuff and told her so. She
acknowledged that it was a screwed-up thing to do but graciously forgave me.
She offered me a cigarette and told me I looked good. I declined the smoke,
accepted the compliment and noticed with relief that we had reached my
stop. I leaned back into of the cab before closing the door on her, and handed
her twice the amount on the meter. She tried to thank me with a bourbonsoaked smooch, but I pulled my face clear before her lips could land, bidding
her a polite 'good night:'
That night, I felt very satisfied and evolved, but I don't think I would have
felt so great if she hadn't aged so poorly.
Is that bad? ■
curve
THE eEsr.sELLING
CURVE Magazine I Bud Light I Delta Air Lines
San Francisco Chronicle & SFGate.com
Travelocity I San Francisco Toyota/SCION I Comcast I Clear Channel
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
get involved at www. fpride.org
May 2007
I31
Politics
VictoriaA. Brownworth
Hillary for President
She's not my dream candidate, but wouldn't it be nice to see some ovaries in the Oval Office?
I
'm not a fan of Hillary Clinton. Almost two years
more than one. The articles and columns all use
ago I wrote a column in this space about why I
the same jargon: the infantilizing and dismissive
wouldn't support her for president, based on her
argot of the inveterate sexist.
support of the war on Iraq. That said, when politicians change their minds for the better, I'm willing
Why do they hate Clinton? Because she
refused to abdicate her selfhood when her hus-
to give them a second look. If they apologize for
band assumed the presidency. Because she didn't
taking a wrong stand on an issue, it's even better.
Clinton has changed her mind on the war. Sure,
subscribe to the party line about being the silent
woman behind the throne. Because she tried to
I would have liked it to come sooner, but I better
renegotiate a failed health care system to benefit
now than not at all. While she hasn't apologized
all Americans. Because she said it took a village
for supporting the war, she has said succinctly,
"Knowing what I know now, would I support the
war? No. We don't get do-overs in life:'
to raise a child in America. Because she didn't
leave her husband when he had an affair with
She's right about that. She would also be
won twice when they said she couldn't be elected.
Because she speaks her own mind, she's tough,
another woman. Because she ran for office and
right to apologize for supporting the war. Of
course, the man who started the damn thing has
and she doesn't fold under pressure - no matter how vicious the attacks on her are - and she
yet to apologize.
doesn't cry. Because she acts presidential.
Back in early January, when George Bush was
still trying to think of new ways to sell the war
to the American people, Clinton was in Iraq. She
wasn't lounging poolside in the Green Zone; she was in a flakjacket, in country.
I have talked to a lot of people about Clinton,
and inevitably hear, "She's so unlikable:' Yet her
She was risking her life to see what was actually happening in the nation the
constituents - the people who not only elected her the first time in a solidly
red state that's only blue in New York City, but they re-elected her in a landslide
U.S. has spent a half trillion dollars and tens of thousands of lives to occupy
and disassemble.
- do love her, and think she does a great job and works hard.
I've also heard, "But Barack Obama is just so charismatic:' Yes, he is. Not
She returned from that week-long trip shaken. It's scary being under fire.
Clinton may be used to the jousts and volleys of the quixotic American public,
very substantive, but definitely charismatic. It's hard not to like Obama.
but that's a far cry from having mortar fire and guerilla explosives all around
you. Upon her return, she described the situation in that civil-war-torn coun-
she's everything the current president isn't.
try as "heartbreaking," and called for an immediate halt to the so-called troop
surge proposed by Bush as his latest fix-it for the unfixable mayhem in Iraq.
A few weeks later, she announced her candidacy for president.
Are the two events connected? Maybe, maybe not. Do I care? No. Male
politicians who change their minds on important issues are described as
courageous for having convictions. In the 1980s, I ""'.asa reporter covering
the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington, hearing arguments like Bowers v.
Hardwick, a decision chat upheld sodomy laws (later overturned in another
case, Lawrence v. Texas, in 2003). One of the justices I was privileged to cover
and to meet was Harry Blackmun. In 1973, Blackmun authored the Roe v.
Wade decision, legalizing abortion in the U.S., and he wrote the dissent in
Hardwick. Blackmun was also, at one point, a conservative jurist nominated
to the court by Richard Nixon. Blackmun changed his political mind over
the years, and I doubt any liberal Americans lost sleep worrying whether he'd
done so for some politically expedient reason.
I have seen Clinton speak. She's charismatic, she's smart, she's substantive;
In a Washington Post/CNN poll at press time, Clinton has no real competition for the nomination. In a crowded field of candidates, she polls at
close to 40 percent. The closest contenders are Obama at 17 percent and John
Edwards at 15 percent. Her detractors say she should have a higher percentage after all these years in politics. Like Rudy Giuliani's 33 percent? Sen.
John McCain's 27 percent? Mitt Romney's 18 percent? Why the double standard for Clinton who beats out all of them as well as the current president's
approval rating?
The outrage over Hillary Clinton for president is predicated not on her
often centrist positions, but on her femaleness. Women candidates for president are supposed to be obvious losers at the gate - third-party candidates
or low-level spoilers, not true contenders. Clinton is a true contender. The
right can't stand it; the left is afraid of it. If a woman can outclass all the
men in a men-only field for 2008, then how will men keep women in their
place? Rep. Nancy Pelosi has already outclassed her colleagues as well as the
president in just a few months as the speaker of the house. (She too went to
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Iraq three weeks into her speakership. Bush has only gone twice, and never
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ing her presidential campaign because the right is unredeemably sexist when
it comes to Clinton. There is no woman in the country, including Rosie
left the airport.)
The reason for talking down about Clinton in an attempt to remove her
power has nothing to do with her positions on the issues. It has to do with
O'Donnell and Jane Fonda (there are still millions who refer to her as Hanoi
Jane), whom the right hates more than Clinton. Check out Newsmax.com, a
a fear of women breaking through yet another ceiling and - let's face it breaking a few balls in the process. That alone could be reason enough to vote
right-wing blog, and there will be at least one Clinton-bashing piece, usually
for her. ■
So why pillory Clinton for changing her political mind for the better?
I don't know if I will vote for her, but I will continue to defend her dur-
32 Icurve
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IN THE NEWS
Sit-In
Lesbian
A lesbiancouplefromBlaine,Wash.,DottiBerry
Sapp,werearrested
(below,left)andRobynne
andtakenaway
on chargesof trespassing
in
fromthe Focusonthe Familyheadquarters
Springs,Colo.,aftertheyenteredthe
Colorado
buildingandrefusedto leaveuntilthefounder
changedhis
JamesDobson,
of the organization,
statementsaboutresearchon LGBTparenting.
BerryandSapp
sayDobson
andother
spokespeople
fromFocus
misrepresent
studiesin order
to negatively
impactLGBT
families,arguingthat children
do betterwith
a motherand
father.Many
others,including
socialscientistsandtheAmericanPsychological
Focusonthe
havedenounced
Association,
Family'sclaims.
Bill
GayBullying
TheIowaHouseandStateSenatepasseda
to provideLGBTstudentswith
bill in February
specificprotectionagainstbullyingat school,
Chet
whichwassignedintolaw by Governor
Culverin March.Thelaw bansthe harassment
of studentsbecauseof sexualorientation,
gender,raceandage.Thoughit soundsinnocusaidthat it wasa
ousenoughto us,opponents
backdoorattemptto passadditionalLGBTcivil
rightslawsandforceculturalviewson students
morethanit wasa safetymeasure.Initiallythe
bill hadbeenwrittenwith a clausethat would
excludereligiousschools.Thatclausewaslater
removedbythe StateSenate.
Rights
UtahCourtDeniesGayParental
Courtdenieda lesbianmother
TheUtahSupreme
therightto seekvisitationrightsfor herchildafter
mother
withthechild'sbiological
herrelationship
ended.Thecourtruledthatfull parentalrights
mother
wereto begivenonlyto thebiological
M.
ChiefJusticeChristine
of thechild;however,
Durhamin herdissentsaidthatif Jones,thenonparent,wantedto petitionfor visitation
biological
of a "parentsheshouldhaveto provideevidence
of the
andsecuretheapproval
childrelationship"
parent.
biological
Dies
Founder
Campground
Lesbian
JoyceTree,co-founderof the Swiftwaters
diedon
in northGeorgia,
lesbiancampground
Dec.31,2006,at SaintJoseph'sHospitalin
Ga.,Tree
Atlanta.Whileresidingin Dahlonega,
spacefor lesbian
wantedto havea comfortable
womento go campingandcreatedthe establishmentwith herfirst partner,DorothyOsbold.
will continuedespiteTree's
Thecampground
passing,thoughits attendeessayshewill be
canbe madeto the
sorelymissed.Donations
JoyceTreeMemorialFundat anyBB&Tbank
branch,or at bbt.com.
AttackKillsDetroitMan
Anti-Gay
AndrewAnthos,an openly
Seventy-two-year-old
gaymanfrom Detroit,diedon Feb.23 after
beingstruckfrombehindwith a leadpipeby
a manwhofollowedhimoff a busafterasking
if hewasgay.Anthoswasknownfor 20 years
of attemptsto lightthe stateCapitoldomered,
whiteandbluefor July4 eachyearin honorof
U.S.veterans.
OhioCenterGets
NewDirector
TheStonewall
boardof
Columbus
announced
trustees
thatit hashiredKarla
(left)to act
Rothan
asthecommunity
center'sexecutive
has
Rothan
director.
for
beena volunteer
manyyears,chairing
and
thePrideFestival
supportfortheorganization's
Marchandproviding
annualfundraiser.
TakeAmerica's
travel
favoriteLGBT
theWheelsof Justice
Greasing
plansto givea $200,000
K-YBrandannounced
donationoverthe nextthreeyearsto the GLBT
best
NationalHelpCenter,an organization
knownfor its GLBTNationalHotline.K-YBrand
will be its first corporatesponsorand,proponentssay,the movesignalsthe company's
andmarketing
increasein its gayphilanthropy
Thedonationwill be used
to the community.
mainlyfor specialprojectsto increasethe visibilityof the center.
in LocalBar
MakeCommitment
Lesbians
Stilettos,a localbarin Inkster,Ill., hosted
ceremonyfor lesbian
a masscommitment
andgaycoupleson Feb.16.Stilettosowner
AlanaFaulkbelievesthe ceremonywasa
for the bar,whetherpeople
greatopportunity
perceivedit as a protestor simplyas a way
to supportlifelongloveandcommitment.
- LesleySeacrist
May 2007
j 33
..
San Francisco is the place for lesbian liberation. It's the
city of refuge for queers from around the globe, a mythical,
magical place where the food is sublime and the landscape
divine, and you can make out with your girlfriend anywhere you
damn well please. Even if you're a queer girl who loves living in
Louisville or Missoula or New York City, chances are good that
you're going to make your way to San Francisco at least once
in your lifetime. So, if you've scraped and saved for your dream
vacation - and especially if you're flying halfway across the
country to get here - why not stay a bit longer and find out
what else is at your fingertips in California? Here are a few day
(or weekend, as is the case with Southern California) trips you'll
dream about long after you've headed home.
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34 j curve
TRIP 1: DOGGIE NIRVANA
Distance from San Francisco: 160 miles
Best for: Day or overnight trip
For more info: Schoolhousecreek.com
Queer travelers have long held certain regions north of San Francisco in special
regard. If you want to live out a lesbian version of Sidewaysin person, you
visit the tony Sonoma,Napa region known as wine country. If you're a
quirky environmentalist, you can head to Eureka to see fire dancers and
hip rock bands in one of the country's most environmentally minded
progressive rural towns. And, if you want to party all summer in the city's
own Fire Island, you go to the Russian River town of Guerneville, which may
be the gayest small town in the West.
But you have four,legged fur kids like me, you're looking for the kind of fami,
ly,friendly place that I discovered in Mendocino: The Inn at Schoolhouse Creek.
A collection of gorgeous dog,friendly cottages (once a Coast Guard sta,
Back at our two,story cottage, we snacked on homemade cookies ( the
dogs, too) from the Inn's in,house restaurant, had a massage and a scrub (spa
treatments delivered to your door) and took a soak in our in,room Jacuzzi
tub. From our private deck we did some whale watching and later grilled fresh
local fish on the backyard fire pit. A midnight hike to see the stars was almost
too much.
If you're like us, you'll want to head (by car) into the quaint, coastal city
of Mendocino while you're at the Inn. You'll pass numerous state parks and
dog,friendly public beaches and find a lovely peninsula that looks straight
out of New England. There you'll find several funky little boutiques and a
handful of restaurants with outdoor seating so you and your fur kids can
dine together. Our favesr Mendocino Bakery, Mendocino Cafe, Mendocino
Burgers and Patterson's Pub.
The city is beautiful, uncrowded and almost undiscovered, the kind of
tion and previously mill worker housing) spanning over nine acres of seaside
garden and forest land, the Inn itself is a spectacular setting for a romantic
weekend with all the accoutrements you'll need: ocean surf, in,room hot tubs,
spa services, fireplaces, regional wines.
It was the smile on our pooches' faces, however, that made us believe we'd
gone to doggie heaven. A giant pet basket awaited us in our cottage, and we
immediately pulled out and sniffed everything before running to our private
backyard to play Frisbee. The Inn's meadow and forest trails are perfect for
off,leash playtime, and 150 yards from our cabin was Buckhorn Cove, a pri,
vate beach where the dogs could play off,leash as well. (Our six,pound chi,
huahua discovered a love of rock,climbing there.) There's even a pet bath at
the Inn, so Ginger and Skippy left that mollusk smell behind.
May 2007 j 35
place where lighthouses outnumber tall buildings and people don't seem to be
in a hurry to do anything. It's gay-friendly and probably more working-class
than many U.S. resort towns. And with tails wagging everywhere you turn,
it's one of the most dog-friendly vacation spots you could pick.
We spent our last few hours having a gourmet breakfast in our room,
walking the private beach with our dogs and driving up the coast to town.
Along the way, we pulled into a tiny inlet and watched boatloads of whale
watchers cruise below a giant concrete bridge after hours of sightseeing,
drenched, salty and smiling. That's a Mendocino afternoon.
TRIP 2: SLEEP IT OFF
Distance from San Francisco: 18 miles
Best for: Day or overnight trip
For more info: thelodgeattiburon.com
Sure, Sonoma's always lovely, but if you're looking for a wine-tasting
extravaganza this month, check out the Lodge at Tiburon's Sip and Sleep
Wine Festival Package. The al fresco Tiburon Wine Festival (on Sat., May
19) will be held on Point Tiburon Plaza, adjacent to the Lodge and the waterfront. Connoisseurs can imbibe from more than 65 of California's hottest
wineries including Bialla, MacRostie, Gloria Ferrer and Silver Oak, and get
some grub from 10 local eateries.
The Sip and Sleep package (for $300) gives you admission tickets, breakfast for two and that very important one-night stay, so you can stumble back
to your lush abode and sleep off all that indulgence.
So where's Tiburon, you ask? It's a small town in Marin County on the tip
of the Tiburon Peninsula and mostly surrounded by water, just around the
cove from the famed artist arena of Sausalito. Once a railway station, today
Tiburon is an affluent little New England-style coastal burg where high-end
boutiques meet politically progressive ideology: Tiburon was the first city in
the world to ban trans fats, for example. On Friday nights in the spring and
summer, the town's Main Street is closed to traffic and opened up to a giant
walkway of al fresco diners.
One of the main methods of transportation to Tiburon is the Blue and
Gold Fleet, a year-round ferry service that goes around the Bay, with stops in
San Francisco. It's one of the cheapest ways to see the San Francisco skyline
and the Golden Gate Bridge without the distractions of driving, so if you've
got time after the wine festival, catch a ride and see the sights.
Once you get back to the Lodge, you might never want to_leave.The handsome Craftsman-style three-story building has just undergone a $6 million
face lift and boy, does it show. There are numerous indoor-outdoor social
spaces, including a heated pool, outdoor fireplaces, cozy wooden rocking
chairs and private poolside cabanas where you can have a romantic tete atete,
complete with food and cocktail service.
Even if you prefer to stay inside, the Lodge is a warm, enveloping experience with Jacuzzi tubs and Feather Borne beds. But if the boss has you on a
tether, you can still make it work with their five-star business center and free
wireless everywhere, including the pool. The best part for us? Well, the DVD
library and 24-hour availability of Peer's coffee were quite exciting, but petfriendliness was a big bonus. Few high-end properties love dogs as much as
we do. That gives it even more stars in my book, and that's before I've had a
chance to taste 120 different wines.
TRIP 3: GO GREEN - AND BLUE
Distance from San Francisco: 187 miles
Best for: Weekend trip
For more info: bluelaketahoe.com, montbleu.com, moon.com,
hollysplace.com and visitrenotahoe.com
OK, maybe we should say"azure;' as that more aptly describes the deep rich
color of the famed waterway at Lake Tahoe. Or, as Mark Twain called it, ''A
noble sheet of blue water lifted six thousand, three hundred feet above the
level of the sea, and walled-in by a rim of snow-covered mountain peaks:'
Twain was right. The third-deepest lake in America, rumored to have its
own Loch Ness-like creature, is breathtaking, even to jaded Rocky Mountain
natives like me.
These days, Tahoe - both the lake and the region that straddles the
Nevada-California border - is queer San Franciscans' favorite weekend
escape. The drive back may be hell on a hot Sunday, but the trip is so
worth it. If you're active in any way there's a trail for you here, from the
wheelchair-accessible South Tahoe lakeshore greenbelt to the 165-mile Tahoe
Rim Trail (which takes you up more than 10,000 feet). Outdoor recreation in
Tahoe (divided into South, North, West and East shores) is year-round, too:
skiing and boarding in the winter; parasailing and kite boarding in the summer.
The sternwheeler Dixie Queen runs the lake year round as well.
These days with revitalization of many of the casinos and restaurants,
improved resorts, and amazing outdoor access, Tahoe is, as Ann Marie Brown,
author of Moon HandbooksTahoe,says, "one of the few places on earth where,
if you choose to, you can hike to a pristine wilderness area, shop for a dinner
36 j curve
These days, Tahoe - both the lake and the region
that straddles the Nevada-California border - is
queer San Franciscans' favorite weekend escape.
dress, dine at a trendy bistro and gamble the night away,all in a single day at the
lake."Plenty of skiers drive up from San Francisco for a starry evening of night
skiing and make the trek back to work in the wee hours.
For those looking for a resort experience that feels a lot like Vegas, try
MontBleu Resort Casino and Spa. Situated where the old Caesar's Palace
was, MontBleu is 21st-century cool, with inside styling that makes you feel
like you're swilling martinis in an old rat-pack movie. From the luxury rooms
and spa suites (all complete with amenities from the in-house Aveda Salon)
to the Onsen Spa (offering couples' treatments), MontBleu pampers guests.
Better yet: the magnificent, always-open, indoor heated lagoon with rock
islands and a waterfall.
But one of the best parts of MontBleu is its many in-house restaurants,
particularly Opal. A swank, ultrafoxy lounge, Opal is straight out of a (West)
Hollywood television set. Think Bette Porter-style elegance with outrageously good Eurasian fusion nosh. With tiny tapas (like crab medallions),
fusion seafood (scallop ceviche) and some of the more innovative left coast
sushi I've experienced ( their signature Opal is deep fried with spicy tuna,
avocado, asparagus and goat cheese), I could eat there for weeks without getting bored. The signature drinks are hot too.
After dinnertime the lounge kicks into high gear; the club passes out the
bongos and hookah pipes and the girls who are chattering next to the floating
benches look even sexier. And keeping in the ecologically sound spirit of Tahoe,
MontBleu has banned fluorescent lights and switched to ecofriendly cleaners.
If you want to get really green, try a more rustic weekend at Holly's Place,
the lesbian-owned resort that offers real dykes the back-to-the-land version
of a Tahoe vacation. Though it's nicely het- and boy-friendly (a few gay men
were there while I
was), Holly's is a lesbian paradise unto
itsel£ Each cabin is private, but visitors often
come out to barbecue
together or have latenight, starry-evening
chats over wine. We
stayed at Holly's Place
- again with the pooches - and cooked all our meals on site except one, when
we stopped for fajitas and Coyote Cosmopolitans at Coyote Grill (by the way,
don't mistake this place for Coyote Ugly; trust me, it's easy to do after a few
vanilla screwdrivers).
Almost any place in South Lake Tahoe (where both Holly's and MontBleu
are located) is accessible to the beaches with cheap kayak rentals, boat cruises,
paddleboat antics and, since this is still California, a bevy of beautiful blondes.
TRIP 4: WELCOME TO LA LA LAND
Distance from San Francisco: 377 miles
Best for: Three days or more
For more info: visitwesthollywood.com, lemontrose.com
Last time I was in West Hollywood, I was rubbing elbows with film and
TV stars like Amanda Bearse, Daniela Sea, Honey Labrador and Jenny
May 2007
I37
Shimizu within hours of my arrival. Sure, I was at POWER UP's Annual
Power Premier Awards, but that wasn't the only reason. West Hollywood is
the number one go-to place to see and be seen if you're any kind of lesbian
in entertainment. It's the sort of place that's sexy, cool, chic, where girls can
wear stilettos with jeans and tank tops and not look like skanks. It may be
something in the water because on my last trip I had dinner at the iiberhip 0Bar (probably my new favorite bar in California - in its last incarnation, it's
where Tammy Lynn Michaels picked up Melissa Etheridge and, eventually,
made an honest woman of her). I was sharing dinner with Amy, a drop-dead
gorgeous local gal who told me all about the beauty myth (in this case, the
myth that all people in West Hollywood are beautiful but they aren't, they're
just like you and me). As she was talking, I thought to mysel£ "hell yeah, were
all freak.in' hot:' I know Amy was.
The next day, when I couldn't fit in a pair of jeans with single digits, I remembered the difference. But that wonderful buzz
lasted throughout my visit to West Hollywood and
convinced me - nay, reminded me - that there's
a certain magic to Southern California and it has
nothing to do with Disneyland. If you want to feel
like you walked off the set of The L Word (even i£
like me, you look more akin to walking off the set of
Roseanne)you should try it sometime.
I started out with the best indulgence: a day at
The Gendarmerie, the chi-chi spa salon founded
by Topper Schroeder after his signature scent,
Gendarme, became a hot commodity. Now a spa
aimed at making men comfortable doing what are
typically considered girlie things (perms, pedicures),
Gendarmerie is absolutely perfect for butches who
are equally clueless about those things. To call this
gay-owned spa a salon does both of those nouns
a miscarriage of justice. The place is actually two
attached cottages with a heated back patio where
they host sexy fashionista-type affairs and lesbian
bachelorette parties. The entire place is a Wi-Fi hot
38 I curve
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MARIAESPINAL
ADDESIGN:
Staying in the City
Alright,somegirlsjustcan'tbe
dragged
outof thecitynomatterhow
muchI bragabouttherestof the
world.So,foryouSoMasnobs,here
area bevyof resources
thathelpyou
getto knowa differentsideof thecity
bythebay.
GayandLesbian
SanFrancisco,
Dr.WilliamLipskyandTom
Ammiano
(arcadiapublishing
.com):Thiscollection
of historic
SanFrancisco
photosexplores
the
earlylivesof LGBTresidents
in the
citythat'sbecome
synonymous
withgayrights.Fromearlyvaudeville
performers
likeEllaWesner
to currentcivicleaderslikePhyllisLyon
andDelMartin,thisslimarchival
collection
givesgoodbackground
to travelers
andhistorybuffsalike.
(arcadiapublishing.com)
NotForTourists
GuidetoSan
Francisco
(NFT):
Thisnewfourth
editionisthehiplittleblackcityguide
localsrelyon.It fits in a pocketand
includes
maps,citystreetlistings
andessential
info(dogruns,farmers
markets,
liquorstores)brokendown
byneighborhood,
aswellasartsand
shopping
spots,transitinfoandmore.
(notfortourists.
com)
SanFrancisco:
TheUnknown
City,HeleneGoupilandJoshKirst
(Arsenal
Pulp):Ourcolorfulurbanoasisis covered
withuntoldstoriesset
in neighborhoods
liketheCastro
and
Haight-Ashbury,
andthisbooktackles
thoseoft-hidden
nooksandcrannies.
Chockablock
withfactsincluding
gaytestsyearround,notorious
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notable
folks(likeFlight93s gayicon)
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(arsenalpulp.com)
40
I curve
MrSF.com:
WhenthebookCelluloid
SanFrancisco
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a prettyexcitinglittleguideto
Hollywood
Northwithphotos,
trivia,
shooting
locales,
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queercomicwhorunsthemust-visit
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Presspulledthe
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MrSF.com
andgeta wonderfullyexhaustive
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iconssuchasWhoopiGoldberg
and
Sharon
Stone.MrSF.com
details
queerandmainstream
filmsalong
withobscure
triva.It'stheperfect
wayto getto knowSanFrancisco
evenbetter,whether
youeveractually
leaveyoursofaor not.(mrsf.com)
spot, there's an in-house designer (G. Macon, who'll tailor your suit or make
you a new one), free-flowing drinks and, at least on the Saturday I was there,
a free gourmet buffet.
My stylist, Raul Subia, is not just a stylist. First, he's a pretty hunky Latino
guy who is openly bisexual and wanted to talk feminist politics with me. He's
also an actor (perhaps you saw him a few years back on FamilyLaw), a good
listener and, well, with his shoulder-length hair, I probably could have gone
there if I had let him massage my scalp and listen to my problems much
longer. So, yeah, the guy is hot. But, so is everyone in West Hollywood. I'm
willing to bet in the glow of the sun-kissed, rarified West Hollywood air, even
Kevin Federline looks good.
But I digress. It's a WeHo thing. Back at the spa, I got an entirely new
look, something that Raul tells me needs to happen every few years. I perused
86 Recipes:
Thishotnewrecipebox
includes
86 ofthemostsought-after
dishesfromSanFrancisco's
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modified
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Packed
fullof usefulinfolike
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easygourmet
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too.(86recipes.com)
Wallpaper
CityGuide:
San
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(Phaidon):
Thisnew
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offerssometruebasics(theprice
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allwith
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Bestforarmchair
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(phaidon.com)
the menu for things that local dykes tell me they really love: the sports manicure (of course) and the signature treatment (scalp, neck and shoulder massage, and a special oil treatment).
After a few hours of Raul, I needed some girlie action. My sexy new style
helped me blend with the locals, so I headed first to 0-Bar (obarrestaurant.
com) for drinks and dinner with my sexy friend Amy. Everything at O was
cool, from the drinks ( try a Corona mojito) to dessert ( the decadent O is
actually a giant chocolate chip cookie baked to order, served in an iron skillet
topped with ice cream, chocolate and caramel sauces; three of us couldn't finish it). Best, though, was the Maine Event: lobster macaroni and cheese.
After the 0-Bar, we toured West Hollywood's hot spots. If you're used to
going to the same bar every time you go out, do know that West Hollywood
is more of a grazing party. You start at one place, like the superb gay-owned
Abbey, and then move around to a number of different spots throughout the
night, depending on what night of the week it is. Hot spots for dykes are
all listed on the West Hollywood visitors' site, but I can tell you now that
Thursday night's Platinum (run by over-the-top hot Shannon Kampa) at
East/West Lounge is a must. Falcon is mostly a boy scene, but the L Word
cast apparently shows up frequently; another must-do is any party by the
Fuse girls. Fuse at Here is a hot, sexy glam event, and Truck Stop is a lesbian
WeHo version of Coyote Ugly; for both the key is girls who like to throw it
down and party it up.
A few more lesbian institutions oflegendary status: the 35-year old Palms
Bar, West Hollywood's oldest dyke bar, has attracted everyone from Jim
Morrison to Ellen herself. It's a beer drinking, Monday night football kind of
crowd, but they look damn good doing it. Girl Bar, the original lipstick lesbians who seem to be taking over the country (with Girl Bar parties in Phoenix,
Vegas, Palm Springs and Chicago now) are still partying it up in the Factory
Still can't get enough? Check out the hot spots of the Sunset Strip famous for celebrity parties and overdoses - like the rocking Viper Room,
the Whiskey a Go Go, Roxy, and Rainbow Bar and Grill. Anything with one
name is guaranteed hot (such as the Ivy, the Abbey, the Pearl, Skybar), as are
fusion restaurants like Asia de Cuba. But I wanted to shop the next day, so
I turned in early (by WeHo standards) to my hotel,
the delightful and oh-so-insider-secret Le Montrose
Suite Hotel. A sleek little urban boutique hotel set in
a residential part of West Hollywood, it's convenient
staggering distance from the Sunset Scrip. Everywhere
you turn, there's sexy, low-slung sofas wrapped around
walls aflame with orange and blue backlighting ( the
There's a certain magic to Southern California and
it has nothing to do with Disneyland. If you want to
feel like you walked off the set of The L Word {even
if, like me, you look more akin to walking off the set
of Roseanne) you should try it sometime.
building. If you want to see Lucy Lawless (remember Xena?) singing "Down
on your Knees" while, ahem, actually bent backward down on her knees, this
is the place for it.
And though it may not be in West Hollywood ( the borders between
Beverly Hills, Hollywood and West Hollywood are all a little hazy to outsiders), you can't go to that area without visiting activist Jewel Thais-Williams'
Catch One. Culturally diverse, this club was host to Madonna's early release
parties and backdrop to Julia Roberts' club scene in Pretty Woman. The fact
that celebs and politics have come into a club started by a working-class black
lesbian makes it a herstorical landmark for sure.
kind that makes everyone look sexy). The guests-only
dining room and lounge has four huge plasma TVs
displaying fashion imagery. Up on the roof: a pool, a
spa and a great view of the region. Le Montrose is tops among celebs (Queer
as Folk star Thea Gill was waiting for her limo while I got my Ford from the
valet) for luxurious comfort as well as privacy. I half expected Leisha Hailey
to join me in the hot tub that night.
The next day I started in Beverly Hills at what I now call "the world's best
doughnut shop:' Frittelli's is a bit like Prada meets Krispy Kreme. From their
cute doughnut-shaped business cards to their designer confections, everything here is cool thanks to doughnut designer and founder Alison Winston,
whose staff brilliantly packages the treats in small blue Tiffany-style boxes. If
Day frips from Mecca conrin.ued on page 76
May 2007 j 41
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1 (
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DIAGNOSIS:DISTRESS
More and more lesbians are learning to live with fibromyalgia.
By Jodi Helmer I Illustration by Cielo Oreste
Mari Skelly remembers the exact moment that
her doctor was able to diagnose the source
of the chronic pain and sleep disruption that
plagued her for years. She felt a combination
of dread and relief.
42
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:
"I was so relieved that the disorder had a
name, that it was not all in my head, but I had no
idea how I was going to live with it;' she recalls.
"In the beginning I kept chinking that I was going to get better. It took me a couple of years to
come to terms with the fact chat I was going to
have it for good:'
but it was so hard to rely on her for everything:'
A combination of medications and alternative
therapies helps Skelly deal with her fibromyalgia.
Although she still struggles with the symptoms,
Skelly refuses to let her pain rule her life.
"It is a hard thing to go through because it
affects every part of your life; it affects your brain
Skelly was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a
chronic disease characterized by fatigue and per-
and it affects your body, and it can affect your
spirit, too, if you are not careful;' she says. "The
sistent pain as well as a host of other symptoms,
most important thing that I have done is realize
ranging from abdominal cramps and dizziness
that I have the power to live with fibromyalgia by
to headaches and acid reflux. Doctors often suggest people chink back to their last flu to relate
having a positive attitude:'
Mary Davidson also believes chat taking a posi-
to the range of symptoms fibromyalgia sufferers
tive approach to living with fibromyalgia allowed
experience. According to the National Institutes
her to regain her quality of life. Davidson, a lesbian
from Georgia who suffered from chronic pain and
of Health, fibromyalgia affects up to 8 million
Americans, and women are eight to 10 times
more likely to be diagnosed than men are. Because
the symptoms are similar to conditions like
lupus and hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia can be
particularly difficult to diagnose.
"It is often a diagnosis made by default;'
sleepless nights for more than a decade before she
Could You Have
Fibromyalgia?
There following are a list of symptoms associated with fibromyalgia.
A combination of symptoms lasting more than three months may
signal fibromyalgia and should be
checked out by a doctor:
• Chronic muscle
weakness, spasms and pain
• Migratory joint pain
• Sleep disorders, sleep apnea
• Extreme fatigue
was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2002, initially
felt powerless to improve her health.
• Neurological difficulties
such as forgetfulness or
inability to concentrate
"I had to stop doing so many of the things that
I loved to do because I was so exhausted and in
• Recurrent headaches
such pain;' she recalls. "Even the smallest tasks like
• Mild fever
explains Claire Connelly, M.S., a chronic pain
consultant based in Connecticut. "Once all of the
replacing a few parts on the barbecue grill became
huge chores that left me immobilized for days:'
• Irritable bowel syndrome
other tests come back negative, doctors figure chat
it must be fibromyalgia:'
Davidson saw four different doctors before
she was diagnosed. Once she found a supportive
The series of seemingly unrelated symptoms
once led doctors to tell patients chat the illness was
doctor who was able to diagnose her symptoms
and offer various treatment options, Davidson
psychosomatic. Instead of providing treatment,
began feeling better. In addition to her own
extensive cocktail of prescriptions and over-
doctors referred patients co psychiatrists.
Frustration with the lack of accurate information about fibromyalgia led Skelly, a lesbian diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 1993, to write Women
and AlternativeTreatments
Living With Fibromyalgia
for Fibromyalgia& ChronicFatigueSyndrome.
"It takes an average of 10 years and 10 different doctors to get a correct diagnosis;' the Seattle
native says. "Once a woman is diagnosed, she often
feels hopeless; I wanted to show women that it is
possible to live full lives with fibromyalgia:'
the-counter
supplements,
alternative therapies to cope with the symptoms
of fibromyalgia.
"Each different thing that I have tried has
It's Not in My Head
Experts
she says. "I was forced to rely on her to support me
financially and emotionally. She was wonderful,
• Brain "fog" or brain fatigue
• Restless Leg Syndrome
• Sensitivity to odors, light, noise
• Gastroesophageal reflux disease
learned to listen to my body; I do not try to take
on more than I can handle, and I know when I
need to rest:'
Skelly admits that she struggled with her diagnosis in the beginning. The chronic pain forced her
to quit her job as a florist because she could no
even worse.
"My partner and I needed my income, but I
also needed my job; it was how I defined myself;'
• Abdominal cramps
helped a little more, and now the pain that I
experience is more of an annoyance than the pure
agony it was four years ago;' she says. "I have also
The Upside of Pain
longer stand for long periods of time. The loss of
income was stressful, but the loss of identity was
she employs various
• Ringing in the ears
are unsure
of the
exact cause of
fibromyalgia. Research has found that it can often
be traced to physical trauma, such as a car accident, as well as acute or long-term stress. Studies
also suggest that, as with ocher rheumatic conditions, which affect the body's connective tissue,
fibromyalgia has a genetic component.
Unlike other chronic illnesses such as diabetes
and asthma, there is no single medication to treat
fibromyalgia.
May 2007
I43
"My partner and I needed my income, but
I also needed my job; it was how I defined
mysel£ I was forced to rely on her to support me
financially and emotionally. She was wonderful,
but it was so hard to rely on her for everything:~
Living With
Fibromyalgia
There is a wealth of resources
available for women living with
fibromyalgia. Information about
symptoms and treatment as well
as referrals to support groups
and research studies are available on the following Web sites:
National Fibromyalgia
Association
fmaware.org
Fibromyalgia Network
fmnetnews.com
National Institutes of Health
nih.gov
American College of
Rheumatology
rheumatology.org
Fibromyalgia Information
Foundation
myalgia.com
"There are about 30 different drugs that are
used to treat fibromyalgia, but none of them
are FDA,approved as fibromyalgia treatments;'
experimentation will lead to better treatments.
"There used to be a misconception that the
disease was all in our heads, but now the miscon,
explains Kim Dupree Jones, Ph.D., a fibromyalgia
researcher and an assistant professor of nursing
and medicine at Oregon Health
and Sciences University. "Certain
medications have been found to be
ception is that there is nothing we can do to treat
ourselves;' Skelly says. "Fibromyalgia has no cure
very effective in one or more symp,
toms, but there is no single medica,
tion that treats the majority of the
symptoms:'
The lack of scientific expla,
nation for the disorder makes
it difficult to accurately diag,
nose. And, since research has not
yet, but there are a lot of treatment
options:'
Dupree Jones notes that, despite
Women
the amount of research that has been
conducted on fibromyalgia, there are
Livingnot
a lot of answers for patients. Still,
with
she believes that researchers are dos,
fibromyalgia
yielded a specific drug to treat
fibromyalgia, most sufferers must
experiment with a variety of treatments
er to providing valuable insights into
the disorder in the coming years.
"We have made great strides;'
......
.........,._..,
,...,.,...~,,..,,,
.......
prior
to finding the mix of medications that works for
their symptoms.
"On average a woman with
she says. "Twenty years ago, no one
believed that fibromyalgia was a real
disease, but now we are able to see
the symptoms and study them in the lab; we know
that the pain is real, and that will help us move
forward to treat it:' ■
fibromyalgia will take 11 prescription
drugs and 20 supplements per day;'
Connelly says. "The mix of medica,
tions generally includes prescription
drugs for nerve pain and inflamma,
tion and supplements for reflux and
muscle relaxation:'
~
(.)
~
(.)
Both Skelly and Davidson take
a complex mix and also integrate
alternative therapies such as mas,
sage, energy healing, tai chi and hyp,
notherapy to alleviate their symp,
toms. Despite the effort it has taken
to find treatments to help them
live with fibromyalgia, Skelly and
Davidson are confident that their
44
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Hard to believe there would come a day when prioritizing motherhood
would be seen as a revolutionary act. The goal of feminism, in theory, is to
grant women the freedom to live life as they choose; in practice, not all life
paths are equal in the minds of the modern "liberated" woman. At least that's
the argument of author Rebecca Walker.
Born to celebrated feminist author Alice Walker in 1969, the 37-year-old
Walker was part of the first generation of women to take Roe v. Wade for
granted, and to consider children at best an optional "project that might pan
out to be one of many worthwhile experiences in life" and at worst, tools of
patriarchical oppression.
"We learned that children were not to be pursued at the expense of anything else;• writes Walker of herself and her third-wave feminist peers in her
latest book, Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence.
"A graduate degree in economics, for example, or a life of renunciation,
devoted to a Hindu mystic. To live life as one long series of adventures in
'sexual freedom' could be added to the list, along with becoming president, or
at least secretary of stare:•
In the book, Walker debates biological impulse versus societal pressure
toward independence and intellectual achievement. Further complicating her
decision to bear a child is Walker's strained relationship with her own mother,
whom, according to Walker, compares motherhood to various calamities that
struck and impeded the lives and careers of famous female authors, citing incidents such as Virgina Woolf's mental illness and the Brontes' premature deaths.
Part pregnancy memoir and part sociocultural critique, Baby Love explores the
46
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joy and complications of modern motherhood amid third-wave sensibilities.
You've feared negative reactions every time you publish something
new. What scared you about publishing Baby Love?
Publishing a book is always a bit intense. I want my work to function in
people's lives, to have meaning beyond the superficial. When you write
a memoir, there is the chance that people will consider the work selfindulgent and completely miss the point. I'm less haunted by thoughts
like that than I used to be, but it's still tough.
Some of the personal and familial issues you broached in Black,
White and Jewish left you estranged from your mother. Now that
you're a mother yourself, has your perspective on your mother's
reaction changed at all?
I have a better idea of how challenging it is to build loving, supportive relationships in the context of the pressures of art and commerce.
Do you expect or hope for eventual reconciliation with your mother?
I have always been open to reconciliation. What daughter doesn't want to be
close to her mother:> What parent doesn't want her child to have a grandmother:> However, I will not participate in a relationship that is unhealthy
for me or my child.
It sounds like having such a well-known mother was a curse in certain ways. Do you worry about your son feeling that same pressure,
since he has a famous mother as well?
I think that being aware of the pitfalls of this experience, and being proactive
about countermanding them is going to make it easier for him. I have the
advantage of knowing what not to do.
You say your mother was ambivalent toward motherhood, but you
are the opposite. Do you think this has more to do with being a
product of your times or with an inherent motherly instinct?
That's one of the more provocative questions the book raises: What is the
my child's other parent over decades. I worried that the most important
part of parenting -
the ability to communicate about difficult issues and
negotiate different philosophies - would be beyond my ability.
I co-parented with my ex (singer Meshell Ndegeocello] for eight years. My
experience with Solomon (Askia, Ndegeocello's son], whom I consider
role of biology, and can it really be discounted? If I had played out my
role as a child of my historical moment, I would be traveling the world
my first son, taught me that I could love and give what was necessary, and
that it is possible that when the child appears, so does the urge to parent
and pursuing a romanticized version of the artist's life, adopting other
to the best of one's ability. However, my relationship with his biological
people's children as my own along the way. This is a good plan, but somehow it wasn't enough for me. One could say that my desire to embrace my
maternal instinct was stronger than the cultural narrative. But my ultimate goal is to find a balanced approach between the two.
Have you felt estranged again from the feminist community since
mom was unable to allay the rest of my concerns.
How does feminist ideology inform how you'll raise a boy in
this culture?
I've always felt that seeing the world through a woman-centered lens is a
critical tool to have in one's toolbox, but you need other tools to gee an
writing this book?
accurate and truly holistic view. It has been important to me to look at
Some of the women at the National Women's Studies Association confer-
what it means to be a man in this culture from the perspective of both
ence I addressed lase summer were upset because they thought I was sug-
the injury of masculinity and
gesting they have babies instead of getting Ph.Os. I was actually asking
them to consider how much different the women's movement would look
also the heroic qualities that it
if there had been as high a premium placed on raising perfectly healthy
has embodied.
When Solomon got to junior high
daughters . . . as there was on educational and professional advancement.
and all of the demands for
Interestingly, the resistance to talking about the importance of biological
him to act like a boy started
creeping into our life, I felt that
family was considerable.
Fortunately, a lot of my work has been about deconstructing the idea of a dosed
community that can be identified as "feminise:' The truth is, I feel closer
I didn't want to see masculinity
than ever to women in general, and as so many of us are having children
as only bad, because there were
many things about it that were
and facing issues like the lack of affordable child care and the growing
positive. The question was how
prison industrial complex that depends economically on criminalizing our
children, I feel less estranged from all human beings, male and female, who
to harness the positive aspects
in a way that was productive,
struggle every day co make the world a safer place for all of our children.
and how to help him differ-
I certainly hope to have another, but as I get older, it becomes more difficult.
entiate his own thoughts and
desires from the expectations
I absolutely wish I hadn't spent 15 years swimming in ambivalence about
having a biological child. I tell everyone - gay, straight, bi, trans - who
being placed on him.
As part of this process, I talked to
comes to my talks, workshops and readings the same thing: Your fertility
is finite. Obviously, everyone doesn't need to have a baby, but if you don't
growing up. I asked some of
Do you expect to have another child?
men about their experiences
Your fertility is finite. Obviously, everyone doesn't need to have a baby,
but if you don't have one because you didn't prioritize it or didn't think it
needed to be prioritized, you may be in for some regret, perhaps agony.
have one because you didn't prioritize it or didn't think it needed to be
them to write about leaving traditional masculinity, with its emphasis
prioritized, you may be in for some regret, perhaps agony.
At (a literary festival] a woman in her 40s came to my signing in tears. She
said she wished someone had supported her longing to have a child, that
on workaholism, emotional stoicism and physical aggression, behind.
The result was my last book, What Makes a Man: 22 Writers Imagine the
Future, which asks men and women to be more sensitive to the pressure
someone had told her what I'm telling young women. The sorrow in her
eyes was heartbreaking, and she's not alone. Of course, she could adopt,
but that is a different experience. No less profound, but different.
we place on boys and men to behave in certain ways. So I guess you could
say I'm still working on my approach to this issue, but that I do take it
very seriously.
Did you have fears about being an adequate new mother?
Do you think you're an unconventional mother?
I had so many fears about becoming a mother. I worried I wouldn't know
how to summon the unconditional love and endless care children require.
The task seemed so daunting. As a child of divorce, I also worried that I
wouldn't be able to create an intact family, or to maintain closeness with
I love my kid beyond what seems humanly possible. I want him to be happy.
I want to give him what he needs to be a successful human being, able to
navigate both his faults and those of others with love and appreciation for
the life he has been given. I want this for all kids. Is that unconventional? ■
May 2007
I47
48
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D GINA CUTRUZZULA
Wishing that even society's smallest members
could wear their feelings on their sleeves, Gina
Cutruzzula founded Love Out Loud, a clothing
store specializing in apparel for children. Since
2001, Cutruzzula's designed T-shirts with messages like "Proud Baby" and "Love Me, Love My
Moms;' sold at Pride events and on her Web site,
its, small businesses and community groups have
used Betty's List to promote events, products and
services.
is the prime choice for federal agencies and nonprofit organizations that need top-notch media
coverage in print and on the Web. Her clients
D STEPHANIE BLACKWOOD
include the Human Rights Campaign and the
National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
loveoutloud.com. The business got a major boost
when cast members from Queer as Folk appeared
on-screen wearing Love Out Loud creations during
the second season. "The idea came about through
Clients like Allstate Insurance and IBM turn to
Stephanie Blackwood to create marketing messages that target an LGBT audience. Blackwood
co-founded Double Platinum, one of the first
With a combination of business sense and a passion for advocacy issues, Kessler has been able to
integrate her personal and professional interests
to ensure the company's success.
LG BT-owned marketing firms in the U.S., in 2001.
Since then, the firm has reached audiences through
EJAMANDA FELT
personal experience. Friends were having babies,
innovative marketing campaigns such as films and
television commercials. "I understand our community, and I am always thinking about how a
general marketing message can be adapted for gay
and lesbian audiences;' she says. "There is nothing
else I would rather be doing:'
Ii JUDY DLUGACZ
She founded the number one lesbian lifestyle
company in the world and received the Ernst &
Young Entrepreneur of the Year 2006 Award in
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alternative families;' Cutruzzula explains. "The biggest gratification I get is from people who love the
clothes and their message:'
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More than 25 million pounds of plastic are
dumped into landfills on an annual basis, and
toner cartridges are one of the biggest offenders.
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Eco Toner, a Los Angeles-based business specializ!:!:- ing in recycling used toner cartridges. Since 1997,
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grams, which saves them hundreds of thousands
of dollars on toner and ink supplies. Ackerman's
dedication to her environmentalism and growing business have earned her numerous accolades,
including the 2006 LGBT Entrepreneur of the
Year award from PlanetOut.
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In 1996, Betty Sullivan began sending e-mails
about LGBT activities and events in the San
Francisco Bay Area to her personal contacts.
At the time, she had no idea that her e-mails
would grow into a mailing list with more
than 13,000 subscribers. She began receiving
requests from the clients she served at Sullivan
Communications Inc., who wanted their events
added to her list. The demand became so great
that she started the Web site bettyslist.com in
2003. Over the past three "years, Betty's List has
become the place to advertise services and events
for the LGBT community. A number of nonprof-
the consumer services category, but Judy Dlugacz
is still working toward her goals. Dlugacz founded
Olivia, a premier vacation provider for lesbians and
their families. Originally established as a record
company in 1973, Olivia has grown to include a
cruise line, resort and adventure travel to destinations around the world. In the near future, Dlugacz
plans to launch Olivia.com, Olivia Membership to
offer insurance and financial services and retail
discounts to lesbians and their families, and Olivia
Living, an active-adult retirement resort.
DGAILHAND
Need a good laugh? Gail Hand can help. The motivational humorist, based in Portland, Ore., has
made a career out of making people chuckle. Over
the past decade, she has presented college campuses with humorous workshops about coming out,
performed hilarious one-woman shows at venues
across the United States and authored the book
The Power of Laughter: Seven Secrets to Living and
Laughing in a Stresiful World. Her programs cover
leadership, stress management and alcohol and
drug awareness, and her award-winning Diversity
Program is used at college orientations nationwide.
Hand's latest venture is leading laughter workshops, where she helps students giggle their way to
better health. "Laughter is really important to me;
it has been a big gift in my life;' Hand says. "I love
helping people gain perspective through humor:'
D EILEEN KESSLER
Even in one of the world's most powerful cities,
Eileen Kessler stands out in a crowd. Washington,
D.C.-based OmniStudio, the marketing communications firm that Kessler started in 1977,
There was nothing appealing about the vegan baked
goods that Amanda Felt had been sampling at local
bakeries and supermarkets. Instead of settling for
tasteless treats, Felt drained her savings account
and began experimenting with vegan versions of
her favorite recipes. Months later, she had a line of
baked goods that included brownies, cookies and
cakes, and she opened Black Sheep Bakery to sell
her creations. Fast-forward five years, and the bakery is now a favorite hangout of vegans in Portland,
Ore., and ships its dry mix products wholesale to
bakeries and supermarkets across the country. Felt
is basking in the sweet smell of success.
E
JENNIFER SCHALK
AND CHRISTINE ALWARD
Jennifer Schalk and Christine Alward came up
with the idea to start a home-based adult toy store
after several less-than-perfect shopping experiences. "There are not a lot of other companies selling specifically to lesbians;' Schalk notes. "I started
wondering if the person on the other end of the
phone even knew what I was asking and could
provide accurate advice:' The couple founded Two
Girls and Their Toys five years ago to fill that
niche. They run the business out of their home in
St. Louis, Mich., to offer personalized attention
and top-of-the-line products to lesbian customers. "A major part of the reason we chose this business was to help other women;' Schalk says.
mJHALLIE KUPERMAN
A swing and salsa teacher for 15 years and
director of the Century Ballroom for more than a
decade, Hallie Kuperman knows how to take the
lead. Her knack for taking charge on the dance
floor led her to success in the business world as
well. Kuperman opened Century Ballroom in
Seattle to give dance enthusiasts a place to show
off their moves and for wallflowers to learn how to
get their groove on. There are dance lessons each
night and one of the few all-age swing nights in
Seattle. Over the past 10 years, Century Ballroom
has become increasingly popular with Seattle
residents and tourists, earning it the reputation
of one of Seattle's best-kept secrets. ■ (Additional
research by Lesley Seacrist.)
May 2007
I49
The perfect wedding
By Lesley Seacrist
50
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City,Michigan
Traverse
All it took was mouse-click kisses and keyboard dances to convince
Carla and J.C.they belonged together forever. Like all Internet daters,
the first sight is a well-worried moment full of fear of computer chem•
istry fizzling out into real-world disappointment. However, after a week
of e-mails, this couple swallowed their trepidation with a big bite of
McDonald's cherry pie. What? Why?
For those who don't know, Carla's hometown of Traverse City, Mich.,
is the cherry capital of the world. J.C:sromantic gesture was to surprise
her with two delectable red treats when she reached Carla's doorstep for
the first time.
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But pies were only the beginning. Romantic J.C.stepped up her
game, wooing her sweetie with surprise trips to Santa Fe, N.M., an
opera in Atlanta, and ultimately, Ft. Myers Beach, Fla., where she popped
the question under a starry sky, waves crashing and sweeping between
their sandy toes. The grand finale of Carla's "yes" flared coincidentally
with fireworks overhead.
~
May 2007
I51
~WEDDING SPECIAL~
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Texas
For a lesbian wedding planner, it's difficult to plan the dream day for
legions of straight couples, knowing you can't get legally married yoursel£
There are ups and downs to it, says Lily Watson.
When you go to the brides' rooms to clean up afterward and find the mar~
riage license in the corner of the room, stepped on or torn, when you overhear
the happy couple fighting during the reception or find out that the groom has
slept with one of the male servers at the bachelor party - an all~too~common
scenario in Lily's world - it gets pretty tough.
But don't underestimate the perks of being a pro, especially when one is
planning her own event. Watson's inside knowledge of the biz helped her plan
the perfect day without the extra expense of hiring someone. Drawing from
their families' cultural backgrounds, the two lovebirds wove Mexican customs
throughout the ceremony, like a unity candle and the traditional groom's gift
to his new bride: a bag of coins to demonstrate his desire to provide for her.
Only this time, the brides gave each other bags.
One perk of a lesbian marriage? Less pressure to change your last name.
Besides, being a wedding planner and changing her name to Lily White might
be a little too corny and, in Lily's opinion, painful.
As with any industry, planning weddings has its pros and cons, no matter
who constitutes the couple. "But most of the time, I'll see two people look at
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each other with love and affection, happiness and pride, and realize that this
is what weddings are about;' admits Watson. "Whether you're a gay, lesbian or
straight couple, it's all about love:'
Aug.5, 2006 ~ Oakland,
California
"Why do birds suddenly appear ... " Is it love, or is it the
wedding cake?
When Erin and Vanessa took a trip to visit Erin's family in
Seattle in 2005, they introduced Vanessa to the fam as a"friend:'
But one evening atop the Space Needle, a casual conversation
turned into an honest discussion of marriage. The possibilities
became real expectations as the two set a date.
"So were going to get married next summer?'' asked Erin.
"It sounds like it;' replied Vanessa.
"Friend" would now forever be lover to both of their fami~
lies. Both born in Catholic households, a civil union was just the
key to show their family that their marital bond was recognized
under the eyes of God.
The couple arranged a casual, makeshift wedding as a joyous
affair of declaring love and lifelong promise - and don't forget
the birds.
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Sept.9, 2006 ~ Washington,
What do a living room, a poem and a tent make:' An outdoor camping proposal
turned indoor improvisation. With one knee on the living room floor and the other
on a blown-up air mattress, Jenn Gagnon spoke a four-lined poem and pulled out
the ring.
But the proposals didn't stop there. Nicole, too, wanted the chance to proclaim
her love and commitment as the proposer, not just the proposee. She decided to
pop the knee to pop the question at a nostalgic place for the couple, a government
building of all places. On the way to the Jefferson Memorial, Nicole confessed that
she had a surprise for Jenn. They walked over to the steps, and Nicole handed Jenn
a keychain with a grain of rice etched with the itty-bitty words "marry me:'
After one fired wedding planner, two ruined wedding dresses, three trips to the
seamstress and a $400 nondenominational officiate, their Maine wedding was a
success, topped with a dollop of whipped cream on both of their noses.
All totaled up, it doesn't amount to the thousand-plus rights that a heterosexual
marriage enables, of course. However, "[it] doesn't mean that our love isn't real;'
says Jenn.
Put that in a haiku.
May 2007 j 53
~ WEDDING
SPECIAL~
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Oct.14,2005 ~ Oakland,
California
Most brides would flip their lid if they discovered spiders on their wedding cake, but not Casey and Beth.
Their ceremony was covered in spiders, along with skeletons, coffins, pumpkins and bats. Yep, in honor
of their favorite holiday they threw a Halloween-themed wedding, witches and all.
A wedding cake cut with a cleaver, guests dressed up in scary garb, drinks served out of cauldrons and
speakers blaring out"Monster Mash:' Not the wedding for everyone, but perfect for this unique couple.
It wasn't all gags and giggles. A devout Buddhist, Beth invited guests to participate in a traditional tea
ceremony, in which everyone has three drinks of tea to symbolize the union of the families.
Though slightly surreal, the wedding was the serious union of a loving pair and an occasion for
friends and family to come together, celebrating the union. For Casey's parents, the day was a realization
that their daughter's relationship was something real and true, plastic spiders be damned.
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Nov.27,2004 ~ Maile,Hawaii
Ah, the idyllic Hawaiian honeymoon: sipping a Mai Tai with your soul mate on the golden white sands
of paradise. Now, don't be jealous, but Hawaiian natives Malia and Leilani got to skip the plane and
simply walk out their front door for the beach wedding of their dreams.
But it wasn't all cake and hula dancing. Pre-ceremony, Malia, Leilani and their friends earned money for the food and dress - aloha attire of course - by selling pastille plates. As for the wedding, the
details fell meticulously into place, perfectly planned.
But no one can plan the weather. A week before the wedding date, both Malia and Leilani were enjoying their last-moment not-hitched parties, when Leilani's party got rained out. Thank goodness for strip
joints and drag shows, those bastions of debauchery that faithfully serve brides-to-be in rain or in shine.
Even in paradise, the skies can be cloudy, but Malia and Leilani vow to weather the storm together.
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It's that old cliche, rain on your wedding day. During one of the worst storms
in Reno, Nevada's history, Tiffany and Bridgette's would-be small family
wedding turned into a smaller friends-and-one-sister ceremony. Opting to
avoid the snow and dangerous road conditions, the couple stayed at home
in Union City, Cali£ and said their wedding
vows in front of their crystal Christmas tree.
With only 24 hours of planning, their 10year relationship became official, complete
with a nondenominational minister, a few
close friends and the personal vows that they
recited to each other.
Tiffany wore a traditional black tuxedo,
borrowed from a gay boyfriend. Worried
that the minister would be startled to know
that this was a transgender lesbian relationship, she opted to look butch and
disguise themselves as a straight couple.
After the brides kissed and the minister was waved to her car, Tiffany
quickly jumped into a black dress to complement Bridgette's tight red one.
They headed down to the old Hayward Fishery to toast
their commitment to one another.
Ten years and one baby girl later, this "alternative" relationship has weathered the traditional relationship storms
and some unique ones as well. Acquaintances thought they
might fail due to the difficulty of gender transition on a
couple.
"She is the one who saved me - my angel;' Tiffany
says."She said I was OK, and that we'll figure it all out, and
we have. She is my world:'
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What should a butch
How about an Indian sherwani? By Katia Hetter
Thequestionofwhattowearconcernedmygirlfriend,Kim,more
than a year before we actually planned to have a ceremony.
My girl looks dashing in her suit tailored at Billy Blue's
shop in San Francisco, but she hesitated to simply choose
another suit. She wanted something special.
My friend Mitra, born in Brooklyn to Indian immigrant
parents who are now settled in New Jersey, provided the
answer. At Mitra's wedding in New Brunswick, N. J., her fiance
wore the most elegant tan sherwani, a long coatlike garment
worn close to the body by men, buttoned up in front or worn
open, falling slightly below the knee.
A popular outfit for grooms at Indian weddings, a sherwani is often worn over loose pants known as salwars, or tightfitting ones that bunch around the ankle, known as churidar.
That, Kim said, was what she wanted to wear. Now, how
should we get one:' There are two distinctly South Asian
neighborhoods in the tri-state area. We could try to shop in
Jackson Heights, Queens, where Indians live and work side
by side with Pakistanis and Bangladeshis. Or we could go to
Edison, N. J., where one in three residents is from India.
When Kim and I talked about shopping for her outfit,
we realized we were both nervous about any homophobia we
might encounter. It wasn't that we thought Indians were more
homophobic than Italians (Kim's heritage) or Cubans (my
heritage), but we knew how to yell at our respective communities for their discrimination. Kim would be hurt if we were
hassled while choosing her wedding outfit; I knew I'd cry.
Did other lesbians - Indian or not - shop in the men's
department at an Indian store:' We had no idea if other butches
had figured out how cool Indian men's suits were.
Mitra didn't know what the day might bring, saying she'd
had bad experiences with Indian shopkeepers even as a straight,
second generationer. She offered to come along to help out. A
journalist with extensive contacts in the South Asian community, she also e-mailed her South Asian lesbian posse, asking
them to recommend Indian stores.
"Who knows:"' was their reply. None of her friends had
tried to buy Indian men's suits before. Since several were about
to have wedding ceremonies, they wanted us - the Cuban
and the Italian - to tell them if we found good, dyke-friendly
May 2007
I55
~ WEDDING
SPECIALroe
service at any Indian clothing stores.
Mitra decided to start us in Jackson Heights, N.Y., home to
a large gay immigrant population. If any Indian clothing salespeople would understand women buying men's outfits, we figured they'd be in Jackson Heights. If we couldn't find anything,
we'd head to New Jersey.
We left our lesbian enclave in Brooklyn's Park Slope neighborhood one Sunday morning and drove to India Sari Palace.
Mitra had not yet arrived. The store was filled with saris and
sari material. Where were the men's suits?
"Can I help you?" an older saleswoman asked as she
approached us.
''I'd like a suit;' Kim said.
I was relieved to see the saleswoman didn't look shocked.
She walked us over to a glass-covered counter and started
to pull out men's clothing, folded and stacked like pajamas.
Maybe she'd done this before?
"Oh, what a beautiful kurta;' Mitra said, rushing into the
shop to rescue us. She picked up the outfit."Try it on!"
Kim tried it on. Right color (burgundy), wrong look
(pajamas).
"I think we looked for my husband's wedding outfit here;'
Mitra said. "What can you do for us on the price? I know we
didn't pay that·much for his suit:'
She negotiated the price down to $150. "Really, nothing
lower? This one isn't even that formal. We'll think about it.
We need to eat:'
After a snack of chicken, beef kabobs and chai at Kebab
King, Mitra led us to Karisma, another store in Jackson
Heights. That's where Kim realized her instincts were right.
It wasn't that she wanted to buy the $700, three-quarterlength, cream-colored coat she was wearing. The lovely bur-
underneath wouldn't settle down on her chest. The coat was
pretty, and Kim didn't mind that the saleswomen kept referring to her as "he:' That is, until they figured out that the shirt,
cut for the fl.at chest of a man, wouldn't settle down because
of her breasts.
Mitra and I kept making Kim try on colored shirt separates
underneath the coat, still hoping to buy it, but we couldn't find
anything to match. "It's beautiful stitching; it looks so nice;'
said one saleswoman. She wanted the sale, too.
At Silver Tulip, the owner helped a mother with her daughter, a shy teen trying on a lehenga choli - a bright, sequined,
three-piece outfit showing off her midriff - for her sweet 16
party.
We started looking at suits when a saleswoman, looking
surprised, asked Kim, "For you?" Kim laughed, telling her, "It'll
be OK:' Disarmed, the woman laughed, too and started helping her look.
We found a very pretty embroidered coat, but the wild
burgundy shirt underneath convinced me that Sgt. Pepper
himself had worn that suit. The owner's daughter, all of 15
years old, tried to persuade Kim to buy it. "Brocade is the latest
thing. It's very hot right now;' she said.
"No;' I said. It was my first rejection of the day. I didn't
want to sway Kim, but I had promised to be brutally honest
with my girlfriend. I couldn't let her look like a member of my
high school marching band.
After several glasses of sugar cane juice with ginger and
lime and a few plates of chaat, we returned to shopping,
pumped up on sugar.
At Kadambari, Kim found a cream-colored three-quarterlength coat and vest with simple gold trim. The vest could be
removed when it was time to dance at the wedding, and it
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gundy brocade vest wasn't right for her (we could see her bra
when she lifted her arms). But she knew she liked this style.
She knew she'd find her wedding suit that day.
Mitra negotiated 30 percent off the price anyway, arguing
with the saleswoman who wouldn't set the suit aside for us.
"It's still early, and it's going to be a very busy sales day;' the
saleswoman said.
That's when I realized, of course, that the saleswoman
wanted the sale. That she'd bargain with Mitra or Kim or me,
and she didn't care who bought the suit.
We headed to Edison, N.J., hopeful that Kim's wedding suit
would be there. We visited seven or eight different shops tucked
into the little strip malls along Oak Tree Road, which straddles
both Edison and the neighboring town of Woodbridge.
At Aishwarya, we found a wonderful, white three-quarterlength coat covered in gold trim, but the gold trim on the kurta
56
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didn't require any tailoring. The men's tunic-like pants would
never fit, but we could find cream-colored pants in her size.
The price tag read $425, but by that time I knew that was
negotiable, even in English. "What price can you give us?" Mitra
asked, switching between English and Hindi. Negotiating with
the two saleswomen, she got it down to $350.
I played my part in the negotiation. Standing outside the
dressing room, I asked Kim, "Do you like this suit or the suit at
the other shop better? The one with the gold jacker:•
"I know this price would be better if my husband were
here;' said Mitra, repeating a line that had reduced a suit's price
at many shops. "What if we paid cash?"
Kim headed to the ATM while we guarded the suit. The
final price was $300.
Now I just have to find a dress. Sadly, I doubt I'll find it in
a single day. ■
BUT NOT AT HOME
Weddings abroad can be pure pleasure with the help
of an event consultant. By Asiana Ponciano
Imagine reciting vows on a vibrant sandy beach or saying, "I do" in a verdant
topiary garden. An exotic overseas wedding could be anything from relaxing
to adventurous, but working out the details can be daunting and stressful. To
avoid a nerve-wracking matrimony, consider hiring an event consultant.
guidance and even fireworks coordination. Harrison and her team offer free
consultations through their Web site, simplyweddingscompany.co.uk.
Though based in Great Britain, Simply Weddings also coordinates samesex wedding ceremonies in Italy. According to the company's international
manager, Annalisa Mongio, the country can be a romantic and friendly wed-
Aloha, Love Birds!
ding destination despite its non-recognition of same-sex unions.
England, though, has been recognizing civil partnerships since 2005.
According to the United Kingdom's General Register Office, a couple must be
living in a registered location for at kast seven days before submitting a partner-
Unions in Paradise founders Maureen Reggie, a former Hollywood event
coordinator, and Kiersten Stein, a fine art and journalistic photographer,
create memorable unions in Hawaii on the island of Maui. The self-described
"concierge-style company" offers services such as minister selection, decor
ship request. Only seven days? They must know how lesbians work. ■
assistance and photography.
Beyond the picturesque settings, Maui is an ideal location because Hawaii
legally recognizes same-sex partnerships, known as reciprocal beneficiary
relationships. In order to have a recognized reciprocal beneficiary relationship,
couples must register with Hawaii's Department of Health.
Unions In Paradise offers packages which
include varying services and start from $1,675.
Vacationing newlyweds can also recruit Reggie and
Stein's help on booking lodging, island activities
and spa treatments.
Stein suggests that when planning a wedding,
couples should be knowledgeable of local vendors
who cater to the LGBT community because bridesto-be should not have to concern themselves with
adjusting comfort levels."Maui and its surrounding
islands offer a diverse selection of activities, dining
and landscapes .... You can get it here, so if your
budget allows, don't skimp;' said Stein.
Fit For a Queen
If you picture your wedding to be less tropic and
more dapper, then Penni Harrison, owner and
director of The Simply Weddings Company, can
plan an English engagement fit for royalty. A former restaurant owner, Harrison has planned more
than 100 weddings and also specializes in catering,
including gourmet hors d'oeuvres, fish, meat and
vegetarian menu options.
Engaged partners can use The Simple Weddings
Company for a gambit of wedding tasks: booking
a venue, floral and table arrangements, guest list
WITH THIS RING
If print ads and celebrity endorsements aren't enough to wow you, perhaps a starring role on Logo will. So
who's the star? The designer wedding
rings from gay designer Udi Behr's
Love and Pride line, online at
loveandpride.com. The high-end
designer jewelry, created especially for
the gay and lesbian community has
been a hit since their launch, and now
they've got a starring role on Logo's
reality TV show First Comes Love.
When Denika Wheat and her
betrothed, Mandy McMillen, vowed
their love and commitment on a spring
episode of the show, they received a
bonus wedding gift.
"One of the biggest surprises was
when Behr presented us with his
stunning collection of rings to choose
from," Wheat says.
Though Behr initially struggled to
finance his collection after jewelry
affiliates rejected the line, today it's
becoming a bit of a Hollywood darling.
The latest fan? Lesbian actor Honey
Labrador, who partnered with Behr
and Showtime's The L Word to come
up with a new collection of sexy
designer rings (that don't need to wait
for a wedding proposal) as part of the
new 'Lements of Style line.
Even if you're not in the market for
happily ever after, you may find one of
Labrador's couture collection on your
own finger soon. If you do, feel good
knowing 10 percent of all Love and
Pride profits are donated to Lambda
Legal to help the fight for marriage
equality. - Azania Baker
May 2007
I57
There are many rites of passage in the life of a lesbian: coming out to the parents, your first
Pride parade, your first sex toy and, of course, getting that first dykey haircut. But where to go?
So many women complain that stylists in mainstream salons make them look too femmy (and
not in an actual "femme" way), and it takes a lot of guts to walk into the local barber shop to
get a clipper cut no matter how much you've embraced your butchiness. In the past, chopping
off the long locks was a ritual performed by friends in bathrooms, but more and more lesbians
have opened their own salons, to give dykes the look they want.
JennyOxier,Reno,Nev.
Jenny Oxier, known to clients and fans as simply Jenny-O,
worked in mainstream salons for years before opening her
own Reno salon, the ultrahip Salon 7. Tired of being closeted at work, she sought to create a salon where both stylists and clients could be themselves. Having only paid for
one advertisement, Jenny-O drew in most of her lesbian
and transgender clientele through word of mouth.
"I kind of jumped on the gay train without even realiz-
future, and we will continue to encourage discussion surrounding safer sex among queers:'
ing it;' she says, recalling that her salon offered up the only
real float in Reno's Gay Pride Parade that first year.
Aside from being an LGBTrun establishment, Salon
7 is more than just a place to get your hair cut. They play
Lucky 13 salon in Columbus, Ohio has been catering
to the lesbian community for years. Owner Kathleen
Hildenbrand knew that Columbus had a large populatio·n
of alternative youth and decided to open her salon there.
music, serve beer and wine, and annually throw two massive parties. It has become a place for queer and trans youth
to hang out, providing a great alternative to the bar scene.
On any given night of the week, folks gather at the salon
"I wanted to combine the best of both worlds, the convenience of a chain salon with the creativity and talent of
a high-end salon:'
Priding itself on "No pretension, no attitude, just great
hair at great prices;' Lucky 13 doesn't have the "hipper
than thou" feel, but nevertheless attracts a diverse clientele
instead of the local bars.
A Reno native, Oxier admits she feels a definite
responsibility to her queer community.
"If anything happened to (Salon 7], a lot of my stylists
would have nowhere to work. The younger gay kids and
transgender (individuals] would have nowhere to go:'
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wanted to provide a safe, comfortable atmosphere for
people to come and hang out, and the two are dedicated to
promoting lesbian sexual health.
"We plan to start offering free dental dams, latex gloves
and condoms at the entrance to our store in the very near
community.
Despite their neighborhood's large lesbian community,
the queer girls in town were devoid of a salon that served
their needs, prior to Revolution .
"Our sign in the window that reads, 'Lesbian Haircuts
for Anyone (and Bike Shop)' was definitely a joke at first,
but it stuck;' Levine says. ''.Almost immediately, everyone
Ohio
Columbus,
Hildenbrand,
Kathleen
and a huge lesbian following.
"I think some lesbians come to support a gay-owned
business, which is great;' Hildenbrand says. "But I think
most come because they don't have to be embarrassed to
ask for a clipper cut if they want one or hide the fact that
they have a girlfriend. Plus, our stylists are cute, which
doesn't hurt:'
Lowcost,highquality
Besides serving up good music and booze, these establishments have another important thing in common. While
mainstream salon cuts can cost upward of $70 for even a
basic cut, these salons keep the price down without sacrificing quality. Salon 7, for instance, offers a gay discount
and a "soft butch" price. But don't bother calling weeks in
who came in to to get their bike fixed, wanted a hair cut, and
vice versa;' Flowers adds.
In addition to hair and bike services, Revolution also
hosts numerous queer events such as movie screenings, art
shows and sex toy workshops. Both Levine and Flowers
advance; Lucky 13 doesn't take appointments and Salon 7
welcomes walk-ins. The combination of low cost and low
stress make these salons great choices for lesbian clientele.
More than just beauty parlors, these salons have played
a role in their local communities, giving all types of people
a place to hang out, have a beer, listen to some music and,
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in the case of Revolution Montreal, get their bike fixed.
It's not just about getting the look you want, but creating
a comfortable atmosphere where both LGBT clients and
employees can be themselves without fear of judgment. ■
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photosof his
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May 2007
I59
Rodriguez met Loken a couple of years ago when they worked together in
Romania filming the vampire saga BloodRayne,written by an L Word alum, lesbian actor Guinevere Turner. Loken told FHM that she and Rodriguez would
"hang out, drink a lot of crappy vodka and hit the clubs. One of them had a pool
inside it. We would go, get really drunk and end up swimming in it by the end
of the night:' When quizzed about whether they'd made out, though, Loken
replied, "That's the $64,000 question. Um ... I plead the fifth on that:'
Then last November, The Advocategot Loken to open up even more, when
she openly alluded to their intimate relationship. Author Michelle Kort later
gushed, "Forget Portia and Ellen, Melissa and Tammy Lynn, Rosie and Kelli:
Kristanna is suddenly half of the hottest celesbian couple in the land:'
Becoming a Celesbian
Speculation about Rodriguez's bisexuality has run rampant ever since her
debut in the critically acclaimed Girl.fightas a troubled teen who decides to
channel her aggression by training to become a boxer. Rodriguez didn't box
and she had never auditioned for a speaking role in a movie, but but it was yet
another of her long string of go-for-broke moves - "If you don't play the lottery, you'll never win;' she said - that has gotten her to where she is today.
Rodriguez won the part - over the other 300 or so actors who auditioned - and went into serious training for four and a half months, up to six
days a week, at Brooklyn's Gleason's Gym.
She excelled at the training ("I like taking my body to its limits;' she told
Time after Girl.fightbecame a hit at Sundance), and was even encouraged to
go pro with a boxing career. But Rodriguez was already set on a career in
Hollywood.
Born July 12, 1978, in Bexar County, Texas, Mayte Michelle Rodriguez
had the kind of hardscrabble childhood that filmmakers love. The daughter
of an alcoholic father and a deeply religious mother, Rodriguez (and some
of her 10 siblings) moved around as a kid, from Texas to the Dominican
Republic to Puerto Rico to New Jersey. She was also raised in the Jehovah's
Witness faith by her devout grandmother. It was a spiritual path that eventually took its toll.
"I went to church with my dress on until I was 13. I knocked on people's
doors, thinking I was saving their lives, until I was 13. I lived that life until it
was too boring and monotonous for me. I'm grateful for the Jehovah's Witness
teachings because it made me more careful. I have a sense of borderlines that I
wouldn't have gotten elsewhere. But ... I needed to break free from all that:'
After expulsion from six different schools, Rodriguez left school at 17
- graduating with an equivalency diploma - and settled in Jersey City, N.J.,
ready to pursue a career as an actor.
Ignoring the Labels
After Girl.fighthit Sundance - and won the Grand Jury Prize - Rodriguez
was famous almost overnight. For a time it seemed every entertainment magazine featured Rodriguez in article extolling her as the next big thing. Make
that the next sexy Latina big thing. The quickness to label her - by magazines, by Hollywood executives - was bothersome, says Rodriguez.
"I don't want people thinking of me sexually;' she says. She admits that the
sort of sexualization that actors endure is deflating. She tries to ignore it but
knows that's how the game is played in Tinseltown. "No matter what, people
are so narrow-minded that it won't ever be Michelle Rodriguez, the actress. It
will always be Michelle Rodriguez, the Latin actress:'
These days Rodriguez is getting used to it. "People need labels;' she
admits. But she's bucked convention by turning down plum roles that she
thought might sexualize her (such as a cuckold wife on DesperateHousewives)
or marginalize her via her cultural roots (the role that went to Thandie
Newton in Crash)and took a series of gritty girl parts in S.W.A.T., The Fast
and the Furious,Blue Crush and ResidentEvil. And tough cop Ana- Lucia on
Lost, the role that scored her millions of fans. That's because Ana-Lucia, like
Rodriguez, is a bit of an everygirl - she's not a fashionista, she's not a helpless
twit, she's not not interested in playing the hero's girlfriend. The actor admits
she likes to shake people up, on-screen and off, to make sure they listen to
what she is saying.
"I think the best way to do that is to sniff my armpits, and like, sit and
burp every now and then. It just completely throws people off:'
Rodriguez says she's not interested in hot, sexy shower scenes, either,
calling that kind of acting an "easy"path to success.
Along with playing feisty characters in gritty movies, Rodriguez is also
known for a lifetime of making trouble. It gives her, perhaps, the one label she
has been unable to esccape: the bad girl. Between 2002 (when the star was
arrested for assaulting her roommate) and 2006 (when she was sentenced to
60 days in jail for a DUI), Rodriguez has fought misdemeaner charges for a
hit-and-run, drunken driving, driving with a suspended license, and driving
85 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone. After pleading no contest to the latest of
the DUI charges, the brassy actor spent just two days in jail and found herself
working in the morgue at two New York City hospitals. After community
service came a three-month stint in rehab and another three years of probation. The rehab, the morgue, the hit-and-run all seemed like unlikely moves
for a Hollywood A-lister who isn't named Robert Downey,Jr.
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"Screenwriters
keep goingat it with the
same fantasyformula,"saysRodriguez,
"andit affectswomen becauseit'sthe
fantasiesof these old white men. It'sall
about satisfyingtheiregos, and I see it
throughthe work. It'sall so predictable."
Debates about Rodrigueis
bad girl ways are second only to those
jail for a few days than be told what to do for a month:'
Rodriguez served just 65 hours behind bars and was released, only to be
about her sexuality. She's not hiding, but she's not shouting about her personal life from the rooftops either. But make no mistake: If anyone's
told she was going back to jail, this time because the Kailua arrest violated her
calling the shots in Rodrigueis life, it's the actor hersel£ Which is why she turns
down choice roles, sometimes with an air of indignation. ("Screenwriters keep
parole. When she reported back - this time in May in Los Angeles - she
spent just four hours and 27 minutes in a cell before being released again, this
going at it with the same fantasy formula;' she told reporters, "and it affects
women because it's the fantasies of these old white men. It's all about satisfying
time because of overcrowding and budget problems. A spokesman for the city
their egos, and I see it through the work. It's all so predictable:')
insisted that it was part of a book-and-release program, typical for nonviolent
offenders with sentences of less than 90 days.
When she was offered a part in the second season of Lost, Rodriguez
Amid all this, Rodriguez didn't mince words: "After this, I'm moving to
accepted on the condition that she would only sign for one year because she
knew she'd have to settle down in Hawaii during filming. She says she's too
much of a "nomadic spirit" to settle. Still, the producers came up with the
London or to France. I'll do what I got to do, and then I'm leaving the country
and never coming back:'
One reason she's been upset: the ankle bracelet she had to wear, 18
juicy role of Ana-Lucia Cortez, a tough, unpopular ex-cop that viewers loved
months after her DUI, to the Marc Jacobs Fashion Week party in New
to hate.
"I liked parts of Ana-Lucia;' she says. "She's strong. I like strong women.
She's structured and she stands on her own two feet. She has conviction. I
York this February. The bracelet, she says, "registers your sweat glands for
alcohol content:' The actor couldn't cover the bracelet up so she took pride in
admire a person with their own voice and opinions:•
and"Orwell" (to remind others that Big Brother is watching).
Keeping to Herself
The 28-year-old wasn't the first of the Lost cast pulled over by police in
Hawaii; eight of the castmembers have gotten tickets for traffic violations
On the Lost set -
known for its frequent weekend get-togethers and mid-
of some sort, including a DUI for Cynthia Watros, given just moments
night oceanic skinny-dipping - Rodriguez mostly kept to herself, living
alone on the North Shore of Hawaii. Weary of cars, crowds and cityscapes,
Rodriguez says she wanted to "be near nature and look at the ocean" outside
after Rodriguez got hers. Fellow castmate Josh Holloway came to Rodriguez's
defense, saying that Hawaii police were targeting the Lost cast.
the jungle of Honolulu. But even outside Hollywood, Rodriguez's hard-partying ways soon caught up with her, and she was pulled over by Honolulu
police multiple times. Once, when she was arrested on charges of weaving
along an island freeway while drunk, she reportedly screamed and yelled at
officers, at one point daring them to "put a gun to my head and shoot me:• She
showing it off below her Marc Jacobs dress, where she had scrawled "1984"
Recently, Rodriguez completed Battle in Seattle, a documentary-like film
chat focuses on a dozen characters swept up in the protests which brought the
World Trade Organization's meeting to a halt. Between 40,000 and 60,000
people protested against the WTO's Third Ministerial on Nov. 30, 1999.
They converged on Seattle to express their concerns about the power of cor-
had to be carried into the police station because it was reported that she sat
porations, globalization, and the gap between fantasies of the good life and
the real lives of working people everywhere. Written and directed by Irish
down in the garage and stubbornly refused to stand up.
Rodriguez was later contrite, first blaming her allergy-relieving steroids
- "I wasn't right in my head. None of that verbal behavior was directed
actor Stuart Townsend, it stars his girlfriend, Charlize Theron, as a pregnant
bystander who loses her child in the melee of protests.
Theron's character is one chat's right up Rodriguez's alley: she likes smart,
towards them. It was directed towards myself;' she told Cosmo UK - and
later she was recalcitrant. Instead of making excuses, Rodriguez said simply,
tough, together women. Though she isn't interested in talking about her
sexuality, Rodriguez's doesn't hold back when she talks about being
a feminist.
'Tm just a human being, and I screw up sometimes:'
Rodriguez's friends and family have said that she's a girl who never had
money before, she never had a car before, she never even had a license before
"Society's definition of women creates so much anger;' she insists. Women
get forced to straddle lines, even more so in Hollywood, where you can never
she had to train for The Fast and the Furious.
Upon sentencing, Rodriguez chose to serve five days in a Honolulu jail
rather than do 240 hours of community service on Oahu. She was given a day
to put her affairs in order before she was incarcerated. Her reasoning for the
appear too tough or too feminine to the men with power. Rodriguez, who
jail time was simple: "If I'm gonna do something for the community, I need to
do that on my own accord;' she told reporters after her stint. ''I'd rather be in
won't be satisfied unless I know how to use it:'
perfers her brain over her body, is simply trying to keep things real.
Though she's one of the hottest women on screens today, Rodriguez says
she gives little thought to her appearance. It's her brain chat matters to her. "I
Now chat's worth fighting for. ■
May 2007
I63
0
Make Mom
Skip the bottle of Jean Nate and floral
sachets and give that mom in your life
something she'll actually use.
64
Icurve
e
1. It's Raining Women
These wry graphic umbrellas feature
artists or like Frida Kahlo, Georgia
O'Keefe, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia
Plath. $22, literaryluminaries.biz
2. Skip the Briefcase
Give her this alternative, a sexy red
tote. $45, bisadora.com
Happy
barfly and high tea.
$34 and up, bespokeboxes.com
6. Crocodile Mama
These whimsical Argentian sterling
silver salt and pepper shakers make
perfect gifts; we like the Hatching
Baby Crocodile set. $475 and up,
tartontheweb.com
3. Cowgirl Chocolates
Skip Hallmark and support a
woman-owned business by giving
one of life's finest indulgences
from Cowgirl Chocolates. There
are plenty to choose from including
Spicy Truffles, Habanero Caramels,
Double Dark Chocolate Chunk
Cocoa Powder and Mildly Spicy
Peanut Butter Truffles. Prices vary,
cowgirlchocolates.com
7. Brighten Her World
She'll light up when she opens
these hip luminaries from Jonathan
Adler of Top Design fame.
$375, jonathanadler.com
4. Not Just for Kids
Pop-art lunchboxes from Dark
Horse and La-La Land Gallery's
exhibit, such as Amanda Viselle's "A
Robot Wants My Lunch Box."
$15, TFAW.com
9. Dress Me Up, Dress Me Down
With the cute iDog she can plug in
her MP3s and play tunes and dress
up with precious sweaters and ear
warmers. $10 and up, hasbro.com
5. One of a Kind
Bespoke Boxes lets you create a
grab bag gift with themes like spa,
8. Change Is Easy
Pineapple Cove's embroidered.
gorgeous Simple Change collection
makes diaper changes look chic.
$25, pineapplecove.com
10. DIV Delight
Perfectly pink TweezLights tweezers
are sweet for crafty chicks. $15,
tweezlight.com
May 2007
I65
Reviews
Sapphic Screen
Family Matters
It's Mother's Day. Time to bond.
IBy Candace Moore
MEREDITH
BAXTER
ALERT!
It felt like likea Family
Tiesreunionrecently
whenMeredithBaxter
playedan advice-wielding momonthe ratings-poordramaWhat
AboutBrian?ButBaxter
(above)
tookthewhole
thinga little bit further
thanmere'80snostalgia
with herroleas Deena's
mom,Frankie,a lesbian
whois ratheroutspoken These hard-to-find indie releases are worth the hunt. All three
aboutall thingswoman intelligently convey issues that arise for our families, including
(shestartsherfirst act
coming out to folks back home, fighting court battles for equal
bytellingfolksthat
rights under the law and creating alternative family structures
hergirlfriendstill has
that work.
the bodyof a 35-yearold).Sheshookupthe
Family Reunion (No 9 Productions)
show,alreadyoneof
This Sundance short by director Isold Uggad6ttir brings a
myfavorites(because
I
like Rosanna
Arquette, quirky, punky, Icelandic twist to the classic coming-out story.
gaynanniesandgeeky Katrin (Adalbjorg Arnad6ttir) greets her sweetie in the streets of
boys)with herfiery New York with her hands full of shopping bags, all gifts for her
feministstyleandsexy relatives back home. The two vintage-clad late-20-somethings
banterandby making cutely return to their pad all smiles - until Katrin's girlfriend
DeenaandDavelearn interrupts the snuggle-fest. She wants to join Katrin on the flight
signlanguageinstead to Iceland to
finally meet the parents. Katrin responds with an
of draggingtheirfeet
uncomfortable no, and we soon see why.
andhopingfor a kid who
Upon arrival in her homel~nd, Katrin's drunken ex-boycanhear.Baxter'sscene
friend
slurs crude remarks; her mom dresses her all in virginal
with heron-screen
white;
all the women in her family want to do at their gathering
daughter,
donealmost
is
point
out hard-working and handsome Icelandic chaps, citentirelyin signlanguage,
wasoneof the show's ing fears that Katrin is dating a man of a different ethnicity or
best.(fox.com)-Diane nationality in America. After a trip to the bathroom to vomit
Anderson-Minshall from nervousness, however, Katrin learns that perhaps her
family reunion is not quite what she's assumed or constructed,
and that maybe there is a little room for open-mindedness in
her homeland. (no9productions.com)
Freeheld (Cynthia Wade)
Winner of a Special Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival,
this Cynthia Wade documentary relies largely on handheld
camerawork to give a carefully angled, close-up and personal
approach to its look at Laurel Hester. A retired officer with
swiftly spreading lung cancer, Hester earned her pension serv-
66 I curve
ing 25 years on the Ocean County police force. Among her
former colleagues, she's considered courageous under pressure,
a sharp shot and an absolute asset to the local community. Yet
Hester's life partner, Stacy, may lose their family home after
she passes away, since the party in control in their New Jersey
county, the Freeholders, won't allow gays and lesbians to pass
benefits on to their domestic partners. This no-holds-barred
film provocatively documents the many official battles waged
inside Freeholder meetings for Hester's right to leave her pension to whom she wishes, and touchingly looks bedside at the
battles Hester must wage for her life. (freeheld.com)
Dear Gabe (Alexandra Juhasz)
Alexandra Juhasz's video letter to her son is a lyrical epistolary
film mixing fly-on-the-wall footage, interviews, home movies and
photographs to explore families created out of love. Gabe is 3 at
the film's beginning and has a slightly older sister, Simone, and
two mommies: one Jewish, Juhasz, and one African American,
Cheryl Dunye (director of The WatermelonWomen). Fashioning
a family using their own rites, Juhasz and Dunye were inseminated by the same close friend. Though the two women shared
lives and raised young children together, they've since separated.
Through the film, Juhasz describes to her son and to viewers
how families can be created through queer or straight partnerships, friendships and other alliances; can be of mixed racial,
ethnic, and religious makeups; and although they may change
over time, their bonds and ties remain. Dear Gabe centers on
the differently structured families Juhasz's five female friends
have created more than a decade after college, to show that what
underlies them, love, is consistent. The film is intimate - we are
let inside a mother's direct address to her son and a handful of
women's homes and personal details - yet it universally resonates. (pzacad.pitzer.edu/~ajuhasz) ■
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DVD PICKS
(First
AgnesandHisBrothers
Threebrothers
RunFeatures):
slowlytearat theseamsandplay
fearsand
outtheirunconscious
desiresin thisfun,satiricaltale
byGerman
of familydysfunction
Agnesis
directorOskarRoehler.
a trannywhoponderstheimage
is a
of hermother;Hans-Jorg
sexaddictwhocan't
voyeuristic
andWerneris
getnosatisfaction;
politicianwhocan't
a high-profile
seemto pullanyfavorsfomhis
family.Throughthe interactions
characof theseway-off-edge
Agnesoffers
ters,the hilarious
genuineinsightintoeveryday
(firstrunfeatures
experience.
.com)- JaimeRoca
five(male)steelmillworkers
their
andquestioning
downsized
rolesas men,nowis thetime.
Thoughit's a movieaboutmen,
indiefilm was
this high-spirited
fortacklingwhat
remarkable
largelystillconsiders
Hollywood
"women'sissues":childcustody,
bodyissuesanddeveloping
relationships.
andmaintaining
A gaycouple,a manstruggling
anda
withbodydysmorphia,
bevyof womenwhoarewilling
to payto seetheboystakeit all
of the
off (ina lovelysubversion
stripperparadigm)
traditional
Badly(Shout
MenBehaving
for
makethisfilm a must-see
I loved,loved,loved
Factory):
anydyke.TheDVDoffersthefull,
thisshowwhenit wasontelevi- er,package,
too,with 10neversion.RonEldardwasfreshfrom
commentary
scenes,
before-seen
his braveroleas a childpredator andmuchmore.(foxhome.com)
(which -DAM
in Bastardoutof Carolina
henailedso well it nearlyruined
hiscareerandhisrelationships Motherland
(First
Afghanistan
withwomen),I still believethat
Onein seven
RunFeatures):
hada hidden
RobSchneider
todaydies
womeninAfghanistan
feministagenda,andit brought in childbirth.
Mojadidi,
Dr.Qudrat
beautifulJustineBatemanback
anAfghanwhomadehishomein
to the smallscreen.Faceit, it
returnsto his
States,
theUnited
wasa longtime betweenFamily war-ravaged
to helprehomeland
Tiesandthis 1996show.Based buildandmodernize
thehospitals
ona Britishseries,Menpushed andclinicsthatservethewomen
sitcomhumorin someareas,
Hisdaughter,
ofAfghanistan.
don't
still,these35 episodes
docuSedikaMojadidi,
filmmaker
quiteliveupto mymemories.
trips.
mentedhisvarious
the menbecause
Perhaps
reclaiming-their-boyish-charms
tropehasbeendoneto deathin
the lastdecade.But,Batemen
is a hot,butchyfemmeand
still mightyfineto watch.
- Diane
(shoutfactory.com)
Anderson-Minshall
FullyExposed
TheFullMonty:
(Fox):If youhaven'tseen
Edition
taleof
charming
thishilariously
Terriblesanitaryconditions,
poorlytrainedmedicalpersonnel
anddangersfor pregnantwomen
justtryingto getto places
wheretheycanreceivemedical
attention,makeDr.Mojadidi's
effortsmorethanfrustrating.
Andthenthereis the issueof the
promisingbut
U.S.government
notgivingthehelpneeded.Still,
everysinglemotherDr.Mojadidi
cansavefromdeathis onebig
to
triumph.Andit's interesting
witnessin thedoctor'sfacehow
thesemomentsarewhatkeep
himgoing.
is heartThisdocumentary
andgorenlightening
wrenching,
geousto watch.SedikaMojadidi
dramatic
showsAfghanistan's
in all its wonders,
landscape
andcapturesthe beautyof its
women,whodespiteterrible
radiatetheirown
conditions
sereneglory.(firstrunfeatures
.com)- UrsulaSteck
ChipProject
TheGender
(WomenMakeMovies):
calculations
Domathematical
makeyoucringe?Doesthe idea
of studyingquantummechanicscauseyouto breakout
Well,notto these
in rashes?
youngwomen.DirectorHelen
de Michielgathereda groupof
femalestudentsmajoringin the
Sheaskedthemto get
sciences.
speakabout
togetherfrequently,
andvisions,
theirexperiences
andfollowedthemwith her
theircollege
camerathroughout
She
yearsupto graduation.
showsthemworryingaboutjob
andtheir
boyfriends,
prospects,
rolesas womenin thesemalefields.
dominated
endeavor,
It's an interesting
are
andthewomenportrayed
Still,
andengaging.
sympathetic
the moviedidn'tfascinateme
maybe
as muchas I expected,
mostof the issues
because
coveredwereonesthatevery
collegestudenthasto face.A
sequelshowingthewomenas
actualscientistsworkingin their
might
surroundings
professional
(wmm.com)
bemorecaptivating.
-US
May 2007
I67
Andrea Janakas
I
FILMMAKER
I
Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves is not a 20,minute music video of Cher's hit
classic;it's the title oflesbian director Andrea Janakas' new movie. This quiet film,
set at the precarious end of the '70s, mirrors two young girls' uncertain transi,
tion from adolescence to adulthood against the backdrop of a missing 15,year,old
films I want to make where ... you can put the message out there and
everybody gets it.
Why set it in 1979?
girl. Massachusetts,bred Janakas interweaves the identity of a nation teetering on
political crisis with the girls' struggle to find their identities in a small rural town.
I started to really think about the idea of looking into ... the end of a
decade and what that change kind of means. I kind of really started to
find a ... very strange, serendipitous similarity of this girl, Marie, be,
CURVE sat down with the filmmaker to talk about making movies, being an out
director and her first kiss. - Azania Baker
ing hostage in her small town and ... a country feeling hostage [during
the Iran hostage crisis). So it all kind of metaphorically started to tie
together in a really nice way.
You studied journalism at Emerson and film directing at American
Film Institute, in Los Angeles.
Gypsies was my thesis film out of there .... What I kind of discovered,
interestingly, when making Gypsies ... was that I had really kind of
found where the journalism part fit in. I had always been interested in
telling true stories or kind of finding these really sm~l character pieces
with these political or historical backdrops to them, so I think Gypsies
is kind of a nice merging of filmic story telling with this ... bit of a
worldly backdrop that was kind of entering into the world.
Is it important for filmmakers to address social issues?
I think that there is a really good way to do it, and it's sometimes a
tricky way to do it but I absolutely think that it's important ... any time
you can tell someone's story. With Gypsies, it's a story about identity
so I think that has kind of a universal theme, but in that, even in the
GLBT community, we obviously see a story within that identity about
these two young girls who may, eventually at one point, come out to a
small town and become lesbians. So it's sort of based in struggle. The
way I try to do that with my films is ... very subtly, so you're not heavy,
handed about politics in your films, you're not heavy,handed about
the message, but there is a message there.
How does being a lesbian affect your work?
I'm an out lesbian ... [But) I just made a film that I really wanted
to make that felt a little semiautobiographical. These are the kind of
68
Icurve
I really liked the scene where the two girls kiss.
How many times have I heard that story? [Laughs]
It was like they were relieving this lovely tension that had been built
between them throughout the film up until that point.
I would add one more thing to that .... We didn't talk about it much
'cause I ... didn't want them to feel over,rehearsed or like they had
done this before. I mean, it had to feel really spontaneous and special
and a little uncomfortable at the same time. But I definitely wanted it
to feel like the warmest moment and the coldest point in the movie, if
that makes sense. Because at that moment it's sort oflike ... they're in
this sheet of ice, basically, and it's this very desolate place, and then it's
a very, very warm, instant moment that they have there.
Was it anything like your first kiss with a girl?
God, you know, mine was like in a bunk bed in a dorm. So I would
say no, it was definitely not as magical. And, damn, that was recorded,
wasn't it?
Fans will love that quote.
The thing is the person who will eventually pick up CURVE magazine
and read it will go, "Hey, I thought that was pretty magical for me:'
Do we have more films to look forward to?
Absolutely. I'm actually currently adapting the award,winning memoir
The Last Time I Wore A Dress, written by Daphne Scholinski. I'm
hoping that will be the next film that you guys see. ■
Music Watch
Reviews
Compilations That Don't Suck
I
Check out new releases from the various aisle. By Margaret Coble
EDITOR'S
PICK
Like your favorite homemade mix tape, a good compilation
CD follows a theme and makes sense as a collection. All four of
our featured discs this month excel at this, however divergently
- whether it's out-and-proud queer artists speaking their
truths; eclectic love songs from a legendary queer pervert; soul-
ful, slinky dance beats from an underground superstar DJ; or
singer-songwriter gems from undiscovered, indie artists they all deserve your attention.
and
Revolutions (Music With A Twist)
Music With AT wist is the same label that recently released The
L Tunes: Music From and Inspired byThe L Word. It is the first
major record label dedicated to LGBT artists, and this release
is the first in its forthcoming series of compilations showcasing new and edgy artists. Many names here will be familiar to
followers of the queer indie scene, like The Gossip ("Standing
in the Way of Control"), Sarah Bettens ("Come Over Here"),
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won't ring a bell. Kristen Price is a standout in this set; her
"Magic Tree;' which was also on The L Tunes disc, is one of
those instantly catchy soulful pop songs that won't let go; you'll
be singing it in your sleep, if you aren't already. Israeli singersongwriter Ivri Lider ("Jesse") and Alabama soul singer and
hip-hop star Tangela Bell ('i\ddiction") are also worth noting.
Really, the entire disc is a good listen, from beginning to end.
If you're looking for tomorrow's queer mainstream, start here.
(musicwithatwist.com)
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A Date With John Waters (New line Records)
Whether you love him or hate him, you've got to respect how
cult filmmaker John Waters has managed to make a career
out of glamorizing perversity in every sense. It's no wonder
his eclectic compilation of "love songs" piqued my interest. It
doesn't disappoint. As could be surmised by the soundtracks
of his many films, much of this set falls into the "retro" category, from the bluesy jazz of Mildred Bailey's ''I'd Love to Take
Orders From You" to the rockin' (if not bizarre) New Orleans
R&B of Clarence "Frogman'' Henry's 'i\in't Got No Home;' to
the lounge-lizard sounds of Dean Martin's "Hit the Road to
Dreamland:' Some cuts go for shock value, like Brit new-waver
Elton Motello's "Jet Boy Jet Girl" with its refrain of"He gives
me head;' while others are just downright hilarious, like John
Prine and Iris DeMent's comical country love duet "In Spite of
Ourselves:' And of course, there's plenty of camp value here, too,
from Edith Massey's version of"Big Girls Don't Cry" to Josie
Cotton's "Johnny Are You Queer:"' It's a fun, 42-minute romp
that lives up to my expectations, but Waters' humorous narrative liner notes may just be the best part. (newlinerecords.com)
Deep & Sexy 4: King Britt (Wave Music)
In my past life as the editor of a national dub-music publication, I came to know and love Philly-based DJ-remixer-producer King Britt for his soulful sense and exquisite production
skills. Both of these qualities are exhibited here on his latest
mix compilation from New York underground house label
Wave Music. Comprised of 12 earthy, organic, deep and soulful house tracks from clubland favorites like Onda, Blue 6,
All TheWays
I'veLovedYou
(self-released):
If you'rea MySpace
user,youmayhave
already"met"singerJessica
songwriter
Burks- hersongshave
beenplayedmorethan
175,000times- butif
not,it's abouttimeyou
checkoutoneof this
rocker's
self-produced
fourCDs,includingthis
four-songEP(orher
greatdebut,Dahmn
Thetitle track
Straight).
is a rawandaggressive
lovesong,the kindthat
hitsyouin thegutand
stickswithyoufor days
(orin mycase,weeks
now).Burksis getting
airplayin the U.S.and
abroad,andshe'sdoing
it "absentof corporate
Butdon't
interference."
thinkshecan'tmarket
the helloutof herstuff:
"Peoplecanbesmarter
she
thanmarketing,"
says."Don'ttalk down
to them."She'sgot
the pipesandsome
biting,insightfullyricsto
ourattention
command
withouta majorlabel,
andGodknowswhat
shecouldproducewith
a tonof cashbehindher.
(myspace.coml
- Diane
jessicaburks)
Anderson-Minshall
Compilations That Don't Suck continued on page 71
May 2007
I
69
Otep Shamaya
I
ROCK STAR I
A mere "five lifetimes old" - her standard response to the age question Otep Shamaya is taking the heavy metal world by storm. As the leader of Los
Angeles-based band OTEP (remarkably, her first band), she's got a summer
full of touring and "mutinies of the senses" planned in promotion of their
third full length-release, The Ascension. Along with current bassist "Evil" J.
McGuire, Shamaya formed the band in 2000 and has since achieved a fiercely
loyal, quickly growing fan base. Get updates on their tour schedule or request
a concert in your hometown at otep.com - Catherine Plato
Is Otep your real name?
It is my real name. It's of Egyptian origins - Ol_d Kingdom, I am
told - and from the research I've gathered, it has many meanings
including "creative offerings" and "peace in the chaos:' And ... it's an
anagram for "poet:'
Have you always been a metalhead?
I was a grunge kid. Nirvana, obviously, played a huge role in my creative development, as did Slipknot, Korn, and the Deftones. I first
discovered the magic of music listening to old Doors albums I found
in my parents' closet. I like music that moves me, and no genre limit
defines my tastes. I started writing poetry, then hip-hop, a la Biggie,
Nas and Digable Planets, then started writing more rock music, and
now I fuse them all together.
Do you play any instruments?
I noodle around on some string instruments - guitar, Persian harp
- and I am learning piano now, but I wouldn't call it"playing:' I use
them as tools for composition and arrangement but leave the actual
playing to the band, who are all amazing musicians.
Do you have any favorite songwriters?
Anyone driven to write not for the celebrity or notoriety, but because their
passion for it leaves them no other choice.... (Songwriting is] a spiritual
intercourse, a driving energy that is dynamic and delicate. When it feels
right, you know you are on the path to something beautiful and fulfilling.
What's your favorite song on the new album?
I have many but two of the stand-outs for me to play live are "Crooked
Spoons" and "Ghostflowers:' But one of my favorites to listen to over
and over again would have to be "Perfectly Flawed:' It is a song about
self-love and self-acceptance.
Queer metal singers seem to be a pretty rare breed. Has being out
ever had any negative consequences for you professionally?
Not for being Sapphic as much as just being a woman in a very male
field. They sometimes misjudge me for a weaker animal. That's their
first mistake.
Have you been out since the beginning of your career?
When it was asked of me, I answered. I don't really remember when it was,
but I don't think that many people were surprised .... I knew my sexuality
at a very young age. I spoke openly about it with my family a few years ago,
and they've been very accepting. I am lucky as I know many others whose
families are excessivelyconservative in their thinking and beliefs.
Do fans ever ask you out?
Sometimes.
Have you marketed yourself much to a gay audience or played at
LGBT events?
Not really, our music and message appeal to everyone. If we were ever
asked though, we would be honored. ■
w
z
0
a:
I
I~
70
I curve
~
Find someone
OTHER LICKS
folk set.Lookforcontemporary
wardto moreof theirtrademark
vocalsandquirkysongwriting,includingmyfavorite,"No
Shoes."(theroches.com)
Celebrating
Interpretations:
theMusicof Earth,Wind& Fire
Withnotable
{Stax/Concord):
fromChaka
contributions
Khan("ShiningStar"),Angie
Stone("BeEverWonderful")
ToniBraxton,
TheEssential
andMeshellNdegeocello
{Laface/Legacy): ("Fantasy"),
ToniBraxton
amongmanyothers,
"You'reMakin'MeHigh"may
this stellar,1a-tracktributeto
NotToolate, NorahJones
havebeenherbiggestdyke-bar the legendary197Ossoulband
{BlueNote):Onherthirdalbum, hit, butthere'splentymore
alsomarksthe 5othanniversary
winnerreturns
theGrammy
to loveamongthe 31 other
Stax
of the groundbreaking
with hermostintimatesetyet;
tracksonthistwo-discdeluxe
recordlabel.(concordmusicmostly13 self-or co-penned,
set,includingthe
retrospective
group.com)
acousticsongscovertopics
"TheLittle
previouslyunreleased
bothpersonal("NotTooLate,"
Things."(legacyrecordings.com)OnDVD
"ThinkingAboutYou")and
ShutUpandSing,DixieChicks
political("MyDearCountry"),
Chronicling
Products):
{Genius
listen.
for a mellow,pensive,
of the
life
the
in
years
three
I healing space
tia::J!tller.(norahjones.com)
femalebandof all
best-selling
docutime,this outstanding
Angel,BlueSix
Aquarian
mentarygivesa behind-the{NakedMusic):Fansof slinky
sceneslookat the controversy
chilled-outclubmusicwill
singerNatalie
surrounding
wantto checkoutthis second
Maines'anti-Bushandanti-war
full-lengtherfrom NYproducerthe band'sensuing
statements,
musicianJayDenes,featuring
grace,
fall fromcountry-music
the sexy,soulfulvocalsof
TiaFuller{Mack andhowit eventuallyendedup
Space,
Healing
Aya,LisaShawandCatherine
A femalesaxophonAvenue):
workingto their benefit,freeing
Russell.(naked-music.com)
ist workingwitha trioof female
themupto createtheir more
in
is stillananomaly
musicians
rockin',nowdoubleplatinumTheRoches
Moonswept,
jazzworld,
theimprovisational
album
selling,Grammy-winning
the
Remember
(429Records):
butFullerandherbandaren'ta
TakingtheLongWay.(DidI
harmoTheheavenly,
Roches?
theyaretherealthing,
novelty,
mentionthat the soundtrackis
nizing,offbeatsistertrio makesa asexemplified
onthisgorgeous, awesome?)
(shutupandsing
triumphantreturnfroma 12-year all-original,
1a-tracksophomore movie.com)
- MC
recordinghiatuswiththis 14-cut release.
(tiafuller.com)
Abstract Truth and more - mixed together on
turntables as well as edited, looped and otherwise
studio finessed - the result is 72 minutes of sheer
sultry bliss. My favorite element, though, is the
vocal overdubs by the likes of spoken word poet
pers established indie names like Melissa Ferrick
("Closer"), Anne Heaton ("The Line"), Divine
MAGgees ("Little Black Crow"), and Sage herself ("Lonely Streets"), among less familiar names
like Boston Music Award nominee Mieka Pauley
and singer Ursula Rucker and house DJ-producer
Rich Medina, explaining their individual interpretations of "sexy:'This is some serious mood music,
("Stronger") and 2006 Independent Music Award
winner Kristy Kruger ("Dark Stranger"). Not
limited to female artists, Spin Doctors' frontman Chris Barron ("Can't Kick the Habit") and
New Arrivals Volume 2 (MPress Records)
Bisexual singer-songwriter, entrepreneur and
all-around agitator Rachael Sage's indie imprint,
MPress, has put together a second volume of its
acclaimed New Arrivals series, this time offering
18 solid tracks from rising indie stars. Culled
from more than 1,000 submissions, the disc pep-
1 week free trial
Just enter the promo code
curve05
when you join
[µill2sofa.com
connecting lesbians
It's easy:
• Takethe survey.
• Supportour community.
• Maybeevenwin a cool prize.
WWW.
Compilations That Don't Suck continued from page 69
folks. (wavemusic.com)
you click with on
pinksofa.com
hitmaker Jeff Cohen, playing with NYC band
Pancho's Lament ("Louisiana Holiday"), offer
notable cuts as well. Like its fundraising predecessor, New Arrivals Volume 1, which continues
co benefit Gulf Coast Hurricane Relief, proceeds
from the sale of this latest compilation will benefit
Artists Against Hunger and Poverty, a program of
■
World Hunger Year. (mpressrecords.com)
Lesbian
Survey
.com
Lotsmoredetailsonthe website.
Surveyopenuntil May 15 only.
Pleasespreadthe word!
CommunityMarketing,Inc.
SanFranciscoCA• LGBT-Owned
May 2007
I 71
Reviews
In the Stacks
Get Your Read On
I
These new novels will help pass the May days. By Rachel Pepper
These new releases may not be the most obvious books on your
radar, but both have something to offer, be it social commentary in an unlikely format or just good, clean, mindless fun.
is indeed a winning team, prize monies to be shared and great
ratings for the show's stormy ending. (littlebrown.co.uk)
Lost and Found, Carolyn Parkhurst (Little Brown)
Some novels are written less for the creation of fine literature
than to serve up a big bowl of guilty pleasure. Though lots of
bestsellers may not make the critics sing, they do keep people
Women's Studies, Julia Watts (Spinsters Ink)
EDITOR'S
PICK
V,JenniferNatalya
Fink{SheDevil):Fink's
first novel,Burn,stunned
criticswith its discomfitingallegorical
taleof an
affairbetweena middleagecommunist
widow
anda mute13-year-old
boy.Herstirringsophomoreeffort,V,is noless
unsettling:
it takesus
to 1954in SaoPaulo,
Brazil,wherea post-war
Jewishcommunity
confrontsthe stubbornwill
to survive.Butit's also
a novelwhereobjects
canspeakandVeronica,
a Jewishteenager,
is
hauntedbya mysterious"Voice"whoissues
terrifyingcommands
andriddles.Partghost
story,partfamilyfable
- Fink'sstoryis based
ontalesfromherown
Brazilian
Jewishfamily
in which,shesays,"historicalandphilosophical
questions
werealways
mixedupwiththe mundane,romantic,sexual,
emotional,
and'girly'
aspectsof life"- Vdigs
deepintotheliberatory
andrepressive
natureof
voice.(suspectthoughts.
com)- JuliaBloch
As lesbian fiction moves into the mainstream, more
straight authors are convincingly portraying dyke characters
in their novels. Carolyn Parkhurst, a straight, married mother
of two, does just that in her new novel, Lost and Found.
While
certianly
not categorizable as
lesbian fiction, Lost
and Found includes
two lesbian main characters, and juicy ones
at that: more than
I curve
dreds of wannabe authors churning out mere pulp for the
masses. In between these two extremes lie "mid-list" lesbian
authors like Julia Watts, whose novels you can satisfyingly
slurp down quickly without a bitter aftertaste. Watts, author
of past novels such as Wedding Bell Blues and Finding H.F.,
turns her fictional attention to academia circa 1990 in her
new novel, Women's Studies, in which she follows three fe-
what your average lesbian novelist delivers.
The plot centers on
the around-the-world
male students named Elizabeth through a year in a college
course in - you guessed it - women's studies. During that
time, they have mild revelations about their sexuality and
reality game show of
the book's tide, where
fend off the advances
of a lecherous lesbian
teams of players must
collect clues and gather "found" items: a ski
professor.
pole, a live parrot, and
so on. One team is
comprised of cheerily clueless mother Laura and her sullen
teenage daughter, Cassie, who is a new mother and lesbian in
the midst of coming out.
Another pair is a comical, married ex-gay couple, Justin
and Abby, whom Parkhurst mires in hypocrisy as they unsuccessfully try to play straig~t for the cameras. Eventually,
a gay cameraman snares Justin into a sexual act, and Abby
realizes that only the truth - not religion nor her sham of
a straight marriage - will set her free. Potentially heavy but
lightly told themes, these are only a few of the story's intriguing subplots.
Other characters include some aging child actors, one of
whom ponders a lesbian affair with Cassie to boost her ratings, and the game show's icy has-been host Barbara, who
sits in a soundproof glass box hoping for a career revival.
The narrative convincingly moves between characters as we
glimpse the hidden motives and betrayals that seem to shift
daily between the players. As they scramble from clue to
clue and from country to country, from Egypt to Japan and
Sweden to Ireland, Lost and Found gives lessons in geography
while providing startling insight into human nature.
Parkhurst peels back the glam coating of reality-show life
to reveal its more mundane underside. By the last page, there
72
reading, so this reviewer can't find too much fault with that.
Lesbian fiction is no exception. For every Sarah Waters
or Dorothy Allison our community produces, there are hun-
That's about it for
the plot, and character
development is likewise at a mere minimum in this story. Yet,
I somehow found myself curiously propelled
through
the pages.
Would the repressed
straight girl come out?
Would the closeted
sorority girl start a relationship with the loudmouthed dyke in her
class? Did Watts really
craft a lesbian professor
who hit on her student? Would these characters ever get a due
that they were living in 1990, the year real dykes were rioting in
the streets in activist groups like Queer Nation, ACT UP and
the Lesbian Avengers?
Alas, no avengers tromp through the sleepy little Southern
campus depicted in Womens Studies,but the answer to the other questions is a resounding yes. Don't read it for truth about
feminist education, nor should you expect to care much for
the characters, the plot or the less-than-stellar ending. But as I
would tell any willing reader of mediocre fiction, at least enjoy
the ride until you get there. (spinsters-ink.com) ■
PAGE TURNERS
-·
-11/1.t:.-
WhereI Live,DonnaM. Lane
(RawArtPress):Lane,a veteran
BayArea's
of theSanFrancisco
vibrantopen-miccircuit,makes
and
herlivingasa gardener,
honestpoems
heremotionally
drawthe reader'sgazecloseinto
she
thesprawlingenvironment
writesabout.In "A Landscaped
Area,"a kindof postmodern
pastoral,shewriteswithcareful
to the urbannatural
attentiveness
world:"Machineryis the part/of
that goeswithturf
gardening
beerandstiff
andstadiums/and
the mostancient
gloves./Only
toolsworkwith ivy:/thehoe,the
shovel,the backandthe hands."
Bloch
(rawartpress.com)-Julia
Rachel Kramer Bussel
IAUTHOR, EROTICA QUEEN I
She's been the Lusty Lady columnist for the Village Voice,editor or co~editor of nine erotic anthologies, including
First Timers: True Storiesof Lesbian Awakening, Glamour Girls:Femme/Femme Erotica and Up All Night: Adventures
in Lesbian Sex and her stories have been published in more than 80 anthologies, including Best of Both Worlds:
Bisexual Erotica and Ultimate Lesbian Erotica. You've seen her writing in CURVE, Girlfriends, On Our Backs, New
York Blade, Diva, Penthouse Variations, Cosmo UK, Gothamist, New York Post, Penthouse, San FranciscoChronicle
and Time Out New York. Though her Village Voicedays are over, Rachel Kramer Bussel is far from finished. Today
the queer queen of all things erotica can be found completing her first novel, to be published by Bantam in 2008.
- SheelaLambert
How do you get your ideas for your Lusty Lady columns?
The ideas really came naturally to me, whether stemming from my own life, conversations I've had or news
items. I was never at a loss, and I think that's because sex is so pervasive. I didn't have sex for about the first six
months of writing my column!
So what happened at Village Voice?
They just told me the other day that my last column would be my last column. I was doing it freelance so techni~
cally, there's no notice required.
It's still reprehensible.
I have a feeling I will have a new freelance writing gig soon; I'm not sure if it will be a new column or something
else entirely
What makes for a good erotic story?
:::r
UJ
Cl)
(J)
:)
fQ,
~a:
a:
<(
(!)
~
~
Rises,CateCulpepper
Tristaine
(BoldStrokesBooks):Lovers
JesstintheAmazonandBrenna
theex-Citymousehaveescaped
oppression
thecold,technological
of the Cityandfoundsanctuary
amongthefierceandnaturelovingtribeof Jesstin'sorigin.But
theiridyllis brokenwhendemons
fromthe past(literally)threatento
hard-won
destroytheAmazons'
Withtighterwriting
stronghold.
anda fasterpace,TristaineRises
improvesuponthe earlier,slower
Page Turners continued on page 76
A good story should surprise the reader. The writing should suck you in from the very start and make you
breathless with anticipation. Some of my favorite erotica stories I've written have no sex in them! One is called
"Lap Dance Lust;' and it's a true story about getting my first lap dance. Ir was such an erotic experience I knew
I had to immortalize it ... the dancer was seductively moving against me and perhaps because she was off limits
for actual sex, it made things all the hotter.
Why do you think erotica has become so popular lately?
I think people are finding that they can pick up an erotica book, or order one online, and there's no stigma
attached. Erotica is a safe way for people to explore sexual fantasies, first by themselves, reading ... and then, if
they like, by sharing the stories with a lo\'er.
You're a bi-identified woman who works in both lesbian and straight arenas. Is the gender of your
partners ever an issue?
It's an issue in that I look for slightly different traits in men than women, but even char really depends on the
person. I've mostly dated and been attracted to very femmey girls ..1.ndmore muscular guys, but sometimes I'm
into the opposite. Again, it's all about the individual person. I could see myself seeding down wirh a man or a
woman, as long as they wanted to have kids, were smart, creative and interesting, and could keep up with me in
and out of the bedroom. ■
May 2007
I 73
Reviews Tech Girl
Postm.odern Photo Play
Look good long after the honeymoon.
IByJaime Roca
You've used every waking hour and spent chunks of change to create your perfect wedding. And though
memories are great, we all know it's the snapshots that will stir them when you and Mrs. Right are old
and gray. Here's the photo tech CURVE geeks are eyeing.
Get a Good Camera
Whether it's the simultaneous "cheese" after the ceremony or the candids at the reception,
semi-professionals and photo hobbyists love the Sony DSC-H9. The SLR-like digital
camera comes with a Carl Zeiss Vario-Tessar, 15x optical zoom, 41-to-465mm (35mmequivalent) lens. Its manual, program and auto modes allow as much or as little control
as you like. Shoot at full zoom with a slow shutter speed and minimize blur with Super
Steady Shot, or capture moods in low-light situations without a flash. A 3-inch, flip-up
LCD screen identifies eight faces for sharper pictures and helps you shoot from those creative but difficult-to-reach angles (like the ones that make you look 20 pounds thinner).
($480, sony.com)
Point and Shoot Is Fine, Too
The sleek and superslim Olympus FE-230 is perfect for those who plan to point and shoot
during the festivities, or you can turn the tables on your guests and snap them with this
high-resolution, 7.1 megapixel camera with a 4x digital zoom. You can view images on its
2.5-inch LCD screen, and with Digital Image Stabilization and TruePic TURBO Image
Processor, your wedding photos will have less blur and truer colors. ($199, olympus.com)
~u•ia
r.
,.,.1
1
,.
·-·--·-.
Svtewsaw...w
♦-,,_
,;0ro--,,, ...., __
·-._._
~J.!.._3
_ .. ,[J
Do-It-Yourself Prints
The groovy Epson Stylus RX580 produces high quality glossy photos with or without a
computer. This midsize multifunction printer comes with a 2.5-inch built-in LCD screen
to select, edit and crop images before you print. It accepts a range of memory cards, connects
to your camera with PictBridge via USB, and prints from a camera phone or PDA with an
optional adapter. Epson boasts borderless 4x6-inch photo prints in about 13 seconds and
better-than-lab quality in 32 seconds. ($199, epson.com)
Wedding Favors on the Fly
Share images instantly with incredible new technology. The portable pocket-sized Zink
printer uses no ink at all; instead, it uses paper with colorless dye crystals that are activated
by heat. Send images from a Bluetooth camera phone, a digital camera or a computer to this
ultracool gadget that produces color prints that are tear- and waterproof. Available later this
year. (price unknown, zink.com)
Scrappy Memory Books
Screw construction paper. With Scrapbook MAX! software you can digitally design scrapbooks, then make DVDs, print or even e-mail them to mom. ($40, scrapbookmax.com)
Goodbye Photo Albums
Clockwise from top left:
The Sony DSC-H9 camera, Epson Stylus
RX580, Zink printer,
Scrapbookmax.com
Say goodbye to uploading, storage limits and lowered resolutions, especially when it comes
to your wedding photos. Sharpcast.com allows sharing of original, full-resolution photos
and unlimited online storage of resized photos (up to 1600x1200). It also comes with PC
desktop software or a Mac iPhoto plug-in that keeps Web and computer photos in sync. For
trigger-happy photo-archiving geeks like mysel£ this means total access to photos - and
that includes uncompressed images - from virtually anywhere. Did I mention this service is
free? An upgrade offers unlimited online backup of full-resolution JPEG images just in case
your hard drive fails. (free or $70 for upgrade, sharpcast.com) ■
74
I
curve
I Tried It Reviews
Let's Try Heavy Breathing
Doing it right feels a little different. I By Stephanie Schroeder
A chronic asthma sufferer, I figured it was finally time to check out a deepbreathing session with New York City fitness and nutrition expert Kendra
Coppey, so I could finally learn how to breathe correctly. The first thing the
famed holistic goddess asked was if I'm a nose breather or mouth breather.
Nose, I told her. Cool, good start.
Coppey, founder of Barefoot Tiger, told me most asthmatics are mouth
breathers, though it's better for us to breathe through our noses because we
can bring in more oxygen that way. Inhaling through the nose and exhaling
through the mouth is for a "regular" person, while inhaling and exhaling only
through the nose has great benefits for those with asthma. This slows the
breath, making it deeper and increasing oxygen intake. "Different people have
different opinions on this, but my experience leads me to believe inhaling and
exhaling through the nose can work wonders;' she said.
At my session, Coppey had me lie
down flat on my back on a mat and put
my right hand below my sternum and my
left hand on my lower abdomen to feel my
normal breathing pattern. She instructed
me to take a deep breath and exhale, then
repeat several times. She then asked me to
retain on the exhale. After a while I started
to retain on the inhale as well. Two counts
and retain on the inhale; three counts and
retain on the exhale. With each inhale, I
filled my chest and belly with air, and on
the exhale let my ballooned belly drop to
the floor. This exercise is a pelvic floor technique and part of the retention exercise.
Consciously breathing deep takes work and, while asthmatics may not
take breathing for granted, most of us do and therefore don't breathe for
maximum efficiency. You should breathe through your mouth only when engaged in endurance activities. Use mouth breaths when you need to release a
lot of air, such as when lifting heavy weights, sighing or releasing a clenched
jaw, which sometimes happens during yoga, or when you're stressed out by
your girlfriend or boss. Asthmatics should be breathing through our noses
except when participating in endurance activities. In that regard, we're just
like "regular" folks.
Perhaps most importantly, proper breathing techniques can maximize the
potential in those lusty situations where heavy breathing and endurance are
involved. Be prepared by practicing every day. ■
Becauseit affectsthe
parasympatheticnervous
system,deep breathingcan
be extremelycalmingand
relaxingfor affectedareasand
the musclesthat are clenched
becauseof the pain,such
as holdingtensionin the
shoulders.
Pulling in the pelvic floor can help deepen
the retention by allowing the lower abdomen to contract more firmly, thus pushing
more on the diaphragm. Coppey told me to
think of wearing a corset to visualize this
exercise.
Why is deep breathing important, particularly for asthmatics? Well,
asthmatics usually have very shallow breathing patterns. Breathing deeply
expands lung capacity, encourages endurance and increases oxygenated blood
flow to the brain, our largest and most important muscle. Deep breathing
helps counter the lung inflammation that plagues asthmatics and people with
other disorders.
Some funky and interesting natural anti-inflammatories such as pineapple, onions, garlic, ginger and turmeric complement deep breathing exercises;
also fish oils or flax seed oil for vegetarians and others who dislike fish oil.
Use them on salads instead of olive oil. These oils lubricate membranes and
contain critical omega- 3s for better health.
Deep breathing is also an excellent relaxation technique for reducing
chronic pain. Because it affects the parasympathetic nervous system, deep
breathing can be extremely calming and relaxing for affected areas and the
muscles that are clenched because of the pain, such as holding tension in the
shoulders.
May 2007
I
75
Day Trips From Mecca continued from page 41
you don't care about Rodeo Drive or 90210 mansions, Frittelli's is still reason enough to cross that
invisible border into Beverly Hills. The Prada of
the pastry world, Fritelli's makes doughnuts with
flavors like Chocolate Heath bar, English toffee
chocolate cake, espresso maple, peanut butter and
jelly, espresso latte, dolce de leche and zucchini
chocolate chip, plus tasty drinks (try the hazelnut
vanilla cafe latte espresso).
Even if you can't afford Rodeo Drive you can
get some fine shopping in while you're in West
Hollywood. The vast showplace of interior and
art design, the Pacific Design Center (dubbed "the
blue whale" by locals) is a great start for interior
art. CoCo de Mer and the Pleasure Chest are two
naughty stores I would never leave California
without seeing. The Scent Bar is the only place
in the country to find some perfumes (such as
Alessandro by Mazzolari), and Tokyo-based Three
Dots opened its first U.S. store on Melrose. Mall
to the stars, the Beverly Center is where you'll find
the country's first Hard Rock Cafe and possibly
Lindsay Lohan doing some panty-free shopping.
If star-gazing is your thing, West Hollywood really is the place to go. Hollywood proper has rriore
hookers than celebrities, though you may still want
to check out the handprints of movie stars at the
Hollywood Walk of Fame at Grauman's Chinese
Theatre. Or pop into the Hustler Store (where stars
such as Jennifer Love Hewitt buy knickers, apparently) or Johnny Depp's Viper Room (so you can
find out if Carmen Electra would really tell you no).
There's plenty more to do than shop, sightsee
and party. The famed Groundlings Theater is worthy of much love, and there are plenty of places to
walk and reflect. Of course, I did neither. But I did
spend a chunk of change at Le Bra Lingerie; don't
let the fact that Katie Holmes bought her honeymoon gear here dissuade you.
After shopping, I hit Sunset Boulevard's House
of Blues for their weekly Sunday gospel brunch.
This rockin' eatery and performance space looks
like an extremely clean, faux-ramshackle shack in
Louisiana. But any sense of poser-ness you get
from the outside goes away when a jamming black
chorus belts out an hour or more of deep, soulful songs. The cast is huge, the crowds even bigger,
so buy tickets ahead of time. And if you want to
really enjoy the Southern buffet, get in line early
- first pick of the freshest food meant we could
pile up five plates before we stopped to breathe.
That, of course, wasn't very West Hollywood
of us. But, it was our last hours in WeHo, and we
started to remember we were there but we weren't
of there. Though the glow wore off eventually, I
still believe a weekend of hanging with celebrities
and partying like a rock star is essentially good for
your soul. ■
76
I curve
Page Turners continued from page 73
long,variedcorridorof cultures
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andMachado
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a wonderfully
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of
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I 79
Top Ten Reasons We Love Carol Steinel
\
Carol Steinel's a psychic and spiritual adviser, and
not in that late-night infomercial kind of sense.
The Port Townsend, Wash., native also has an
alter ego named Carruch and a lengthy resume
that includes a successful stint as a comedian, two
reasons why you wouldn't want to mess with her.
"Ifsomeoneasks,'So, what do youdo?' I say, 'I'm
a psychicand a spiritual
teacher.'At whichpoint
theyoftenask me if I can tellwhatthey'rethinking.
I usuallytellthem I'm offworkat the moment."
- Jocelyn Voo
1. She'sthe life of the party."If someone asks, 'So,
what do you do:" I say, Tm a psychic and a spiritual teacher: At which point they often ask me if
I can tell what they're rhinking. I usually tell them
I'm off work at the moment:'
2. She'sgot a resumeyouwon'tbelieve.Having
worked as a gas station attendant, bank overdraft
manager, waitress, cook, legislative aide, social
worker, construction contractor, musician and
comedian, Steine! proves that variety is the spice
oflife. "My focal point is now, and will remain, my
metaphysical psychic work .... My many past professions were, without exception, preparation for
the work I do now:·
3. Everyone's
got secrets,includingher.Well, up
until now. "I suck my thumb," Steinel says. "Does
was needed. As a result, Steinel can play guitar
and piano passably well, but "I can drum better
than your average Midwestern white girl:'
8. She can predicta breakup."I think any dyke
5. Her musicaldemiseis her girlfriend'sfault."I
haven't written any new music since 2002, when I
met my mate. In 2002, I wrote a song about her in my_opinion, my best song ever - and I haven't
written any new songs since then:'
6. She'sbeena ladykiller
fromthestart."I told my
first joke that I remember at age six, to the cheerleader and older sister of a friend .... [We] were sitting in
the sandbox outside the kitchen window, and I was
telling her older sister this joke through the window
as she washed dishes in the kitchen. When I reached
the punch line and heard this gorgeous, 16-year-old
cheerleader laugh out loud - just because I'd said
something - I knew I had found the power:'
that qualify:'"
7. She'sbutchthroughandthrough.When acting
4. Hermusicalcareercameat a smallprice.The
daughter of a music teacher, Steinel claims that if
her father was a musician short, she'd have to pick
up the tenor sax, flute, cymbals or whatever else
so I curve
agree that his energy is definitely yang in nature
- which may account for my being butchY:'
as a spiritual adviser, Steinel channels Carruch,
her manly oversoul. Steinel adds, "Some people
are surprised to hear me refer to Carruch as a 'he;
but most people, once they've experienced him,
worth her salt could 'tell' when she was going to
break up with someone, with or without psychic
abilities;' Steinel answers. "She would simply ask
herself these three questions: Am I fantasizing
about someone else:' Do I hate her dog:' Have we
had a conversation about 'opening up the relationship' within the past three months?"
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9. She'snormal."I play video games to unwind, I
enjoy alcohol and tobacco, I cuss like a stevedore;'
z
>
d.
Steinel says."! live in an intentional community that
was founded four years ago, so I spend the bulk of
my time ... with my community members and with
members of my extended spiritual community:'
:5
10. She'snot aboutto challengeMiss Cleoto a
steel cage deathmatch,but hypothetically,
who
would win? "The Buddhist answer: 'What is
winning:" The metaphysical answer: 'Miss Cleo
and Carol are one at every level: Steinel's mate's
answer: 'Who's Miss Cleo:"" ■
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