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Description
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ToC Tomboy Tila Tequila by Diane Anderson-Minshall and Colleen M. Lee (p42); Cover: Mia Kirshner by Katie Peoples (p46); The Oh in Florida: Key West Dreams by Diane Anderson-Minshall (p34); Gone Fishing by Jaymee R. Cuti (p37); Miami Heat by Edie Stull (p38); Into the Deep by Sheryl Kay (p39); Forever Young by Christine Hawes (p40); Sordid Lifers by Diane Anderson-Minshall and Collen M. Lee (p50); 13 Hot Jobs - Working for the Week: Office Party by Rachel Beebe (p56); It's a Woman's World by Kelsy Chauvin (p58); My Bodyguard by Beth Dreher (p59); She's Got Wood by Lina Swislocki (p60); Down on the Farm by Catherine Plato (p62); I'll Raise You a Dollar by Talia Phillips (p63); Production Values by J.D. Disalvatore (p64); Best in Show by Kathy Belge (p65); Book 'Em by Cheryl Craig (p68); Going Green in the Deep Blue by Katie Peoples (p67); Cover photo by Sean McMenomy/Corbis.
See all items with this value
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issue
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8
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Date Issued
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October 2008
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol18_No8_0ctober-2008_0CR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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•
®
THE BEST-SELLING
1a
kirshner
Olivia
Newton
John
The L Word's
Jenny Shocks
Us More*
Confesses
How To
Avoid the
Sordid Lives
Exclusives
Lesbian
Parent
Trap
Beth Grant
Caroline Rhea
Rue Mcclanahan
.
PROPERTY
OF:
Our ON THE SHELF
www.ouTDNTHESHELF.CA
----~--~-----:s:.:;~111111
CURVEMAG.COM
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
:-;...__,.-\
for the
ove•
of her
I
Carryyour compassion
everywhereyou go
Macy'sis concernedabout the effectsof
breastcanceron our employees,our
customersand our community.That'swhy
we want to raiseawarenessof this disease
and help fund the fight for a cure.Soif you
cometo any Macy'sstorein October,and
purchasethis tote for 3.95,we'll donate
$2 of the proceedsof the salefrom eachbag
directlyto the BreastCancerResearch
Foundation.Wecreatedthis tote to be bright
and beautiful...just likethe women you
know who arebattling breastcancertoday.
FranklySpeaking
1
curve
THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
v
Hell No, It's Not Fur
is one of the few
commercialmagazines
in the countrythat has
had as aunchanti-fur
policyin placesince
the magazinebegan
18 yearsago. We aren't
aboutto changethat.
CLJNC
Frances Stevens Publisher/Editor in Chief
Mia Kirshner to talk about her heart-
breaking new book about women and children living in both war-torn areas and the site of the largest
femicide in North America. And we scored this great rockin' cover photo to go with it: edgy, sexy, cool.
Except, there was one concern.
Is she wearing fur?''Hell, no!" says Kirshner. "Now I would not even wear something that looks like fur:'
CuRVE is one of the few commercial magazines in the country that has had a staunch anti-fur policy since the magazine began 18 years ago. We've been long-time political (and financial) supporters of
Urv'
18 "'JlHIBE
Hr
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, California 94103
Phone 415-863-6538 Facsimile 41 5-863-1609
Advertising Sales 415-863-6538 ext. 10 or 212-446-6700
Subscription Inquiries 818-286-31 02
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Publisher/Editor in Chief
Executive Editor
Associate Publisher
Senior Editor
Managing Editor
Assistant Editor
Book Review Editor
Music Review Editor
Contributing Editors
Copyeditor
Proofreaders
Art Director
Photo Editor
Production Manager
Production Artist
Web Producer
Operations Director
Subscriptions Manager
Advertising Sales
Editorial Assistants
Every issue we try to get a little bit of controversy in the magazine but chis month's hot button topic was
completely unintentional. We tracked down actor-turned-writer
1
Photo Assistants
Frances Stevens
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Sara Jane Keskula
Colleen M. Lee
Katie Peoples
Rachel Beebe
Rachel Pepper
Margaret Coble
Julia Bloch, Victoria A.
Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee,
Stephanie Schroeder
Katherine Wright
Patsy Kaye, Tina Rodia
Stefanie Liang
Nicole Arseneault
Ondine Kilker
Kelly Nuti
Nikki Woelk
Flo Enriquez
Holly DeMaagd
Diana L Berry, Rivendell Media
Natalie Bell, Mary Foulk, Sara
Kwan, John Pann, Rachel
Shatto, Kelsey Truman
Hayley McMillen, Greg Speck
Contributing Writers Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Lya
Carrera, Kelsy Chauvin, Teresa Coates, Jennifer Corday,
Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Michele Fisher, Tania Hammidi,
Jodi Helmer, Kathy lsserman, Gillian Kendall, Kate Lacey,
Charlene Lichtenstein, Jenna V. Loceff, Karlyn Lotney,
Colleen McCaffrey, Candace Moore, Talia Phillips,
Catherine Plato, Aimsel L. Ponti, Laurie K. Schenden,
Kristin A. Smith, Ursula Steck, Edie Stull, Lina Swislocki,
Jocelyn Voo, Melany Walters-Beck
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and on our staff are a number of women who are vegan,
vegetarian or plain old animal lovers (my jacket above isn't even leather). Thankfully, Kirshner is an antifur advocate, too.
Why should you care:' Even if you're a carnivore, you probably would be shocked at the torture and
cruelty chat goes into creating real fur, from the tiny cages to the horrid electrocutions. Don't believe me:'
Check out furisdead.com. You only had to look at last summer's headlines-in
some manufacturers had actually used dog and cat hair as fur-to
which it was revealed
see how dead it is.
Illustrators Phil Cho, Katherine Streeter
Contributing PhotographersMichelle Bart, Erica
Beckman, Kevin Cortez, Cheryl Craig, Nicola Cuti,
Molly DeCoudreaux, Tony Donaldson, Sohpia Hantzes,
Gabriela Hashun, Kathi Iserman, Cheryl Mazak, Connie
L. Merchant, Mia Nakano, Cassandra Olander, Maggie
Parker, Faye Sadou, Elisa Shebaro, Jeff Singer, Paul
Thomas, Kina Williams
We had already sent the cover to the printer when Kirshner emailed us back to ask if we could pull
the image altogether, so there was absolutely no confusion. It was too late, but we felt certain that readers
would understand what groups like PETA have long said: faux fur is a great alternative to real fur and
proof you don't have to torture animals to be sexy.
Since we didn't want you to have another reason to hate Jenny Schecter ( or the actor who plays her)
we're making sure you know Kirshner doesn't support fur and neither do we. I'm not always political, but
in this point I'm clear: Animals are not ours to wear.
Volume 18 Issue 8 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for
bimonthly January/February and July/August) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc.,
1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA94103. Subscription price: $49.95/
year, $62.95 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $71.95 international (U.S. funds
only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage
paid at San Francisco. CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS
0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced In any manner,
erther whole or in part, without written permission from the publisher. Publication
of the name or photograph of any persons or organizations appearing,
advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an ind1cat,onof the sexual
orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes
letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response.
Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions
cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No
responsibilrty is assumed for loss or damages. The contents do not necessarily
represent the opinions of the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines
sent discreetly. Subscription Inquiries: Please wnte to Curve, 1550 Bryant
Street, Suit£ 510, San Francisco, CA 94103, e-mail shop@curvemag.com, or
call 818-286-3102. Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster:Send
Canadianaddress changes to shop@curvemag.com,Curve, PO Box 122, Niagara
Falls, ON L2E 658. Send U.S. address changes to shop@curvemag.com,Curve,
PO Box 17138,N. Hollywrr.d.CA 91615 7138. Pnnted,n thr U.S
A
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Keyword: Curvemag Website: curvemag.com
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Features Oc ober 2008
"I realizethis
is a loaded
thingto
say,but I
don't like
labelsat all.
Maybe you
can help
me figure
this out
becauseI
thinkI'llbe
askedthis
again."
42
M K1rsh11r
age4o
Tomboy Tila Tequila Now that her shot at love is
over, Tila Tequila is ready to saturate the music
industry and the bookshelves. Plus: An interview
with fan favorite Rizzo. By Diane Anderson-Minshall
Volume 18#8
13
5
Office Party Two experts show you how to make
sure your gay-friendly employer is no fair-weather
friend. By Rachel Beebe
5
It's a Woman's World This chick breaks the glass
ceiling. By Kelsy Chauvin
5
My Bodyguard Security guard Dana Picore takes
on the big boys. By Beth Dreher
6
She's Got Wood Brenda Hall knows how to work
a dining table. By Lina Swislocki
Anderson-Minshall
6
Gone Fishing A guided tour through one of
Florida's biggest secrets: a Greek fishing village. By
Down on the Farm Author Catherine Friend dishes
about raising the meat you eat. By Catherine Plato
6
I'll Raise You a Dollar Seattle auctioneer Laura
Michalek will keep you tongue tied. By Talia Phillips
6
Production Values We get the lowdown on the
daily grind of one lesbian Hollywood producer. By
J. 0. Disalvatore
and Colleen M. Lee
46
COVER: On The L Word Mia Kirshner plays up her
role as Jenny Schecter. But in real life, she's fighting
to change the world. By Katie Peoples
Th
3
3
Key West Dreams We go where the girls play in
Key West. You may never want to leave. By Diane
Jaymee R. Cuti
3
Miami Heat Think you know Miami? We've got the
skinny on America's gay Riviera. By Edie Stull
3
Into the Deep Dive into Venice, Florida for the
finds of your life. By Sheryl Kay
6
Forever Young Aging lesbians redefine the ol'
Florida retirement stereotype. By Christine Hawes
Best in Show These breeders love the ladies and
their dogs. By Kathy Beige
66
Book 'Em Bold Strokes and Bella Books veterans
tell all about the cutthroat business of publishing. By
Cheryl Craig
6
Going Green in the Deep Blue The founder of a
new ecofriendly lesbian cruise line tells us all about
the politics of vacation. By Katie Peoples
40
50
Sordid Lifers We sit down with the stars of the
new Logo series Sordid Lives:
and
By Diane Anderson-Minshall and Colleen M. Lee
4
Icurve
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Now put on those
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2
Frankly Speaking Seriously, it's not fur!
22
Lipstick & Dipstick One hetero-married
lesbian in love with another. What to do?
32
Wedding Bells We've got snapshots
from around California's marriage frenzy.
8
Letters Readers write back, plus a special thank-you.
23
Ask Fairy Butch A girlfriend's Internet
buddies have one lady stressed.
68
Sapphic Screen Films from France,
Croatia and Texas (like Terrorist SheFreaks, above) will get you riled up.
24
Health Find out what's in that cancer stick
you're smokin' and how to join Love's army.
71
In the Stacks Coco Fusco tackles women in the military and Janis Ian gets real
about the music industry.
74
Music Watch Kaia Wilson, Amy Ray and
Ferron keep on rockin' in the queer world.
Plus, exclusive Catie Curtis interview.
76
Tech Girl We flipped over these snazzy
new camcorders. Plus, get some expert
tips on how to improve your camera
work.
77
I Tried It Craniosacral therapy will have
you wondering, Is it all in my head?
1O Contributors
we love.
This month: the interns
14 Scene Photo ops from some of the most
happening events.
25
Life Do-it-yourself culture hits the funeral
market. Is it legal where you are?
26
Astro Grrl Scorpio girls are set to sting.
Curvatures Quick hits on how to get
inspired, fed and embarrassed, if that's
your thing.
27
Relationships: The Lesbian Parent
Trap What to expect when you are expecting-or she is.
18 Open Studio Chicago's Angela Gasperi
creates and gives back.
28
16
17
21
6
Out in Front Three radical women making a difference.
Lesbofile Jocelyn Voo updates you on
the sweet sounds of queer gossip.
I curve
30
Dyke Drama Michele Fisher's latest
medical drama is a little more realistic than
Grey's Anatomy.
Politics Victoria Brownworth has a voting
surprise come November.
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A RENA1ssANcE.aEAcH REsoRT & sPA
Letters
"Whata thrillto see so manygood articles
on and by bi women in yourpages!After
decadesof beingtreatedlikea third-class
hanger-onat best, and likea pariahat worst,
beingwelcomedintoa nationallesbian
magazinefeelslikecominghome."
HOW DO YOU
LIKE YOUR
GIRL'S 'DO?*
43%
Long(perfectfor
pulling-wink, wink)
31% Lv ,er arI Haters
CroppedOust I just finished reading Ms. Brownworth's piece, "Why Do They
like Ellen's) Hate Ust [Vol. 18 #6]. It moved me to tears. As one who has
general contempt for women [Vol. 18 #6]. Sen. Hillary Clinton
followed this election campaign very closely, I have been horri-
the campaign for the Democratic nomination. I am convinced
fied and furious at the treatment of an attorney who worked for
that if Sen. Barack Obama were a woman, any chance of his be-
20%
Fauxhawk(rebellious, poor women and children, a former first lady of Arkansas, a forbut nottoo much)
3%
Victoria Brownworth is sadly correct in her assessment of the
deserves many kudos for her tenacity and courage throughout
ing elected president would fail, even if his positions on the is-
mer first lady of the United States and a two-term sitting United
sues remained the same. Hey, and thanks for producing a great
States senator by the mainstream media, Sen. Barack Obama
magazine! It is a happy day when
and the Democratic National Committee. It is simply stagger-
Bald(so
androgynous) ing how accepted sexism-even
misogyny-is
CURVE
arrives.
- BarbaraYunker,Huntington Beach,Calif.
in this country. It
is mind-boggling that the mainstream media can make demean-
Bi thP-Way
ing, disparaging remarks about a senator because she is a woman.
I know you can't hear me, but I'm clapping. Why am I clap-
Mullet(businessin the Thank you, Ms. Brownworth, for writing what many of us have
front,partyin the back) experienced, and for pointing out the cruel facts of what it means
ping? The articles on bi women in the July/ August issue [Vol.
to be a woman in this country, in this world. We have much,
ping through the issue to see what was there, and then when
much work to do.
I did see the six and three-quarters
2%
*According
to a
curvemag.
compoll
- The Rev. Amy]. Samonds,Edisto Island, S.C.
18 #6]. First of all, I couldn't believe my eyes when I was flippages dedicated to us, I
proceeded with caution. I've gotten my hopes up before when I
spied articles mentioning us bi women, only to walk away feeling
further alienated and invisible after reading the contents. Not
Thanks for the Memories
so this time. I just wanted to say thanks. I'd like to see more, of
course, maybe some profiles of those ladies who are leaders in
A special thank you goes out to Karen Gonzalez and April Peterson of
Escondido, Calif. Karen and April, loyal readers since day one, have
generously given us their complete set of cuRvE'sback issues.
Their donation is a great help in keeping cuRvE'shistory alive-and
could curb the office-wide panic when anyone moves, touches or
breathes on our lone copy of certain issues.
It is remarkable that we have readers
who have been with us since the very beginning, reading (and somehow storing!) every issue, as cuRvEhas evolved over the last
18 years. Many issues are now out of print,
so it is a relief to have these archived magazines either here or at historical institutions.
Thanks again to Karen and April (pictured
here at this year's San Diego Pride) for their
loyalty and generosity.
our community.
- Kelly, via email
What a thrill to see so many good articles on and by bi women
in your pages this issue [Vol. 18 #6]! I'm the only bi member of a
small queer women's writing collective, Woman-Stirred (womanstirred.blogspot.com),
but the supportive atmosphere of our
group, rarely translates into the larger lesbian literary scene.
After decades of being treated like a third-class hanger-on at
best, and like a pariah at worst, being welcomed into a national
lesbian magazine feels like coming home.
- Jan Steckel,Oakland, Calif.
Last I checked, on the cover under the title of your magazine is
the line "The best-selling lesbian magazine:' But in the past few
months, every time I've flipped through the pages, I feel like I'm
reading a bisexual magazine, which is not what I subscribe to
BI curve
MUSIC AND CULTURE FESTIVAL
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SEPTEMBER23-27
ESTROJAM.ORG
2008
Letters
read. I understand chat bisexuals are a very important part of the LGBT community, but you don't
write your magazine for gay men or transgender
every nerve in the mind and body,
Editor's Note: Goodpoint! Denver
PrideFest2009 will beJune 27 and
28-hope we seeyou there!
and visually, they're every lesbian's
wet dream ... music just doesn't
get better than this. Do us all a
people, so why are bisexuals any different? I'm
favor and allocate them the space they truly deserve:
not bi-bashing, but bisexuals and lesbians have
different issues, and I feel that if I purchase a les-
Thanks for another excellent music issue [Vol. 18
bian magazine, then chat's what I should be get-
#6). Since mainstream music publications are such
ting, not a half-lesbian, half-bisexual publication.
a vast testosterone
Furthermore, if you're trying to help the bisexual
ing to read about so many terrific alternative artists
community, featuring Tannille in "The Bisexual
and community groups that are somehow making
a go of it out there. Good for them! But mostly I'd
misconception chat bisexuals are just horny sluts,
like to express my gratitude for the riveting portrait
been chis taken by a photo in
CURVE
since that one
of Fairy Butch several years back, where she was
,-;,
It was my mother-in-law's
Editor's Note: We'refans, too! Check out the exclussive interview we did with Sara Quin in January of
this year [Vol. 18 #l] and at curvemag.com.
of Daniela Sea on your inside back cover. I haven't
- Jessica,Columbus, Ohio
TrP0
- Amanda, Ireland
wasteland, it was so refresh-
Threat" [Vol. 18 #6) only adds to the common
and chat's not helping anyone.
front cover, big interview and plenty of pictures!
birthday and, being
ecoconscious, I wanted to plant her a tree. I came
Email letters@curvemag.com;
write to
CURVE
Letters, 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco,
looking up appreciatively at some woman in a club,
CA 94103; fax to 415-863-1609.
in a way chat made her simply irresistible.
your name, city and state. Letters may be edited
- Kerry Taggart,Honolulu
Please include
for clarity and length.
across the blurb about Trees for a Change ["The
Gift That Keeps on Growing," Vol. 18 #6). I quickly
I am very excited, as I have just found the July/
C ....
got on the computer and typed in the web address
August [Vol. 18 #6) issue of
The photographer
in the article, only to find chat it was the wrong site.
ting on the floor of a small bookshop in Dublin. It's
Nicole Robbins [Vol.18 #6) was Stephen Phillips,
After a minute of searching I got the correct site,
the only bookshop with a space dedicated to lesbi-
not Paul Montgomery. Iri."She Makes the Whole
and my MILs tree is on its way to Montana! Just
ans, and the only place that sells
Blink and
World Sing" [Vol. 18 #6), Karen Kane was actual-
wanted to let you guys know about the typo, as I
you'll miss it! I'm much delighted with the cover-
ly the assistant engineer on Jade and Sarsaparillas
would hate to see such a needed and wonderful
age of Uh-Huh Her! But, I was really disappointed
only studio album, but did not do live sound for
gifting opportunity go missed. Thanks!
with the meager mention of Tegan and Sara. They
them. The work she did for Janis Ian was a live re-
are the most underappreciated artists of the 21st
cording, but it was not for the National Women's
century. Their music evokes thought and strokes
Music Festival album she recorded in 1999. ■
- Kate Passarelli,Pittsburgh
CURVE
magazine sit-
CURVE.
for the Open Studio featuring
Editor's Note: The correct web address is treesfor-
achange.com.Thanksfor spotting that, Kate!
Williamson Not "Creaky"
o ..
L
Thanks for the awesome "Top Ten" section on
Alicia Champion and Danielle Lo Presti [Vol. 18
#6). Oh my God-they're
awesome, and so hot!
Please cover more about them. Sounds like they're
doing outstanding things and are a real example of
what entertainers should stand for.
- Alexandra Harris, Madison, Wis.
Mi
Thanks for producing such a great magazine month
after month! I wouldn't trade my
CURVE
subscrip-
tion for anything in the world. Why don't you ever
feature Denver PrideFest? I don't ever recall seeing
any information about Denver Pride. Such a huge
event that never gains any mention from
surprising to me.
- JessicaCopeland,Denver
10
I curve
CURVE
is
Toward the end of the article "Is
Women's Music Really Dead?" by
Jamie Anderson [Vol. 18 #6], Cris
Williamson is quoted as saying, "I'd
love to sing 'Waterfall'
for you but I can't. I
want to, but I can't."
Those of you who
have seen her in concert recently (including
us) know that she was
joking about singing
into old age, but we're
afraid that we didn't
convey that very well.
It looks like the writer was saying her
voice hadn't weathered the years.
Far from it! Her voice is still pure and
vibrant, one of the best we've ever
heard. In her contributor's bio, Anderson
mentions how
funny Cris can be.
At a concert in June,
Anderson heard her
joking about getting
older and singing
"Waterfall" with new
words: "Spitting up
and falling over... "
Contributors
"I figured that when I had to send a press request through MySpace, it
would be safe to use my personal account, since I hardly use it;' says editorial assistant KelseyTruman,
who only realized that her display name read
"Profe$$or B00ty" after, oh, five or 10 messages. When not committing
bloopers, she enjoys studying English lit and gender studies at a small university in Indiana and raging the way only a '00s riot grrrl can.
"I love relationship songs written from the perspective of the sane one;'
Editor's Note
Sometimes it seems like we're all
a little crazy in the days heading
up to our press deadline, when our
normally genial work week gives way
to exhausting 16-hour shifts. This
month was no different, especially
given that we had a slew of events to
recover from, three employees were
moving, our subscription manager,
Holly DeMaagd, was at the Michigan
Womyn's Music Festival (that lucky
girl!), production manager Ondine
Kilker was shooting our first TV commercial (rent /tty Bitty Titty Committe
to see it!) and, for the girljocks here,
it was way too distracting that the
2008 Olympics were on the telly.
Regardless, every time we have
the magazine in our hands I know all
the hard work was worth it.
On a side note, occasionally we
struggle to find a great cover. This
month we had more than a few great
options. So a battle ensued (well, a
friendly battle-picture my publisher
and me in a cute pillow fight, if you
will) over whether Mia Kirshner or
Olivia Newton-John should grace the
cover. Sadly, there could be only one
victor, so the crooner and her Sordid
Lives peeps got their own special
section, but not the cover.
Still, the photos of Olivia-equally
glorious at 60 as she was at 20
(God, I hope I look that good in a
few decades) just might get torn
from the mag and posted on the
wall above my bed, right where
that Grease poster used to be.
Diane Anderson-Minshall
12
Icurve
says editorial assistant NatalieBell.A student at San Francisco State
University studying creative writing and journalism, Bell says, "I feel so
lucky to be a part of
CURVE.
Getting a peek at how a magazine is put
together is inspiring:' Bell plans to spend this Christmas in Paris writing
poetry and short stories inspired by her childhood.
"Graduating from journalism school is a scary endeavor these days, and
because I'm from a small town in California's Central Valley,studying photojournalism was a relativelyunconventional choice;' says photo assistant Hayley
McMillen."When
I was a teenager, my bedroom walls were completely covered
in magazine clippings, and I knew at a young age that I wanted to work for a
magazine:• When not in the
CURVE
office, McMillen can be found shooting
multimedia photo stories or riding her Niaja 250.
Photo assistant GregSpeck,22, was born and raised in the Bay Area. He's
currently attending the Academy of Art University in San Francisco. He's a
photographer by trade but enjoys making zines, short films and podcasts and
working on collaborative art projects. His all-time favorite movie is Back to
theFutureand his current favorite book is ExtremelyLoud and IncrediblyClose
by Jonathan Safran Foer. You will usually find him looking through boxes at
garage sales or riding his bike on the busy San Francisco streets.
With a passion for writing and all things lesbian, editorial assistant Rachel
Shattoleapt at the opportunity to get experience at
CURVE
magazine and
says it has more than lived up to her expectations. "Getting the chance to
write about the people and issues I care about is incredibly exciting and rewarding:' When not fact-checking, transcribing or writing tidbits for CURVE,
Rachel is the editor in chief of her college newspaper and an avid video gamer. She claims her cats are very impressed with her RockBand skills.
Finding Sex in Fashion
We couldn't be more excited about season
two of here! TV's hit series, Lesbian Sex and
Sexuality. That's because we're in it. (Did you
love our stint on The L Word? We did, and
this is equally delish!) A film crew followed
two cuRvefashion shoots (Erica Beckman's
r~ck _starsand Kina Williams' candy store girls), interviewing ?ur models (like Chave Alexander, far left), photog~, ed~~ors~nd celebs (like Daniela Sea, left) on what
defines lesbian fashion." Tune in at heretv.com.
It's been an exciting few months for cuRvE,
with some huge changes. Amidst the
great wedding fluny, photo editor Nicole
Teichman (right) married her wife Michelle
(and officially became Mrs. Nicole
Arseneault!). Sadly, this issue is the coup de
grace for senior editor Colleen Lee, who left
us for new adventures right after we went
to press. Thankfully, Katie Peoples decided
to defer her stint in the Peace Corps to stay
on (moving up to managing editor), while
London-based journalist Rachel Beebe (a
Vermont native)
came across the
pond to join our
staff as our new
assistant editor.
That's the two of
them joking around
(Rachel is on the right). We'll miss Colleen dearly, but
expect a lot from this new power duo.
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October 2008
I 13
1 The North Star Roller Girls bust a cap at Minneapolis Pride 2 The Lambda
Literary Awards played host to author JLee Meyer (left), publisher Linda Hill
and author KG MacGregor 3 Two women celebrate newlywed status at the San
Francisco Pride parade 4 Girls galore at CURVE-sponsored QLiterati! at Portland,
Ore:s Q Center. From left: Q Center executive director Kendall Clawson, CURVE
contributor Beren de Motier, our executive editor Diane Anderson-Minshall,
colum-
nist Gina Daggett (aka Lipstick) and Sossity Chiricuzio, founder of Dirty Queer 5
Filmmaker Tamika Miller (left) and journalist-turned-filmmaker
Jasmyne Cannick
C/J
lJJ'
N
looking lovely at Outfest, one of the country's largest LGBT film festivals, in Los
i
Angeles 6 Girls on bikes came out for the Dyke March in San Francisco
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a.
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7 Lipstick and Dipstick flank Margaret Cho at San Francisco Pride 8 The L Words
~·
,..:,
Rose Rollins (right) at Black Pride in Washington D.C., with FRe from FRe2be H.O.T.
0;
;a:.
Entertainment 9 Shelley Hess, a consultant with Tomboy Tools, shows us her package at
()'
the Same Love, Same Rights GLBTQ Wedding Expo and Mobile Marriage Summit in St.
a:~
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Petersburg, Fla.10 Oh no, sexy is under construction at the New York City Pride parade
11 Performer Jennifer Lanier (right) and girlfriend Dustina Haas were crowned Mr. And
Ms. Vancouver Gay Pride in Vancouver, Wash. 12 Her humps, her lovely lady lumps at
Peach Pride Party in Atlanta 13 Participants young and old showed up for the SAGE
(Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders) 30th Birthday and Health Fair in New York City
14 I wanna be a cowgirl like this hottie at the Girls in Wonderland party in Orlando, Fla.
October 2008
I 15
A Voice for the Underserved
Two Sp1 t BUId
At 29 years old, LisabethCastro-Smyth
is
She's sat on picket lines, blocked highways, pro-
Like many, HelenZiaknew early on that she was
already leading the pack. Just a few months ago,
an activist at heart, but she also knew how hard
Castro-Smyth was feted at UC San Francisco,
duced flyers and shouted chants. A product of
the 1960s, MaryLouVanVoorhishas, more than
where she received the Chancellor's Award for
once, worked to deconstruct what she calls "the
LGBT Leadership. No surprises there.
oppressive systems" of the United States.
After two "miserable" years in med school,
Zia dropped out, did a 180 and became a la-
wrote her first protest let-
But Van Voorhis, a member of the Cherokee
borer on a construction site in Boston as part
ter in elementary school and marched with the
Nation, is also a consummate coalition builder,
of an organizing effort to integrate the con-
United Farm Workers in junior high. In college,
spending the past decade as a member, and now
struction trades. She may well have been the
she organized groups against rape, set up wom-
co-director and spiritual advisor, of the Two
first woman of color to do construction work
en's self-defense classes and worked to improve
Spirit Society of Denver.
in Massachusetts.
Castro-Smyth
A group of LGBT American Indians and
From there she went to Detroit, working as
their partners, the Two Spirit Society provides
a large press operator in a stamping plant for
feel I owe a debt to all those LGBTQ people
community
two years until she was laid off. Losing her job
who came before us, who stood up in the face
while confronting issues of homophobia, racism
may have been the best thing to happen to Zia
of violence, so that things might be a little easier
and oppression in both American Indian and
for us now;' she says. "Now it's our turn to stand
non-American Indian communities.
though, because it brought her to journalism.
"That's when I started writing, because
wages and conditions for campus employees.
''I've been inspired by so many people and
outreach
and cultural
education
up and keep fighting for the rights, safety and
Members of the group attend powwows, teach
dignity of our community and the LGBTQ
dance, song and traditions to new members, and
knew-the
folks in the next generation:'
meet socially to make traditional regalia to pre-
were destroyed because of corporate greed and
mismanagement;' Zia says.
To that end, she helped establish Mujeres
serve the arts and crafts of various tribes. They've
de Ambiente: Sociales y Activas, a group that
also been grand marshals of the Gay Pride parade
promotes the well-being, creativity, empower-
in Denver.
nobody was telling the stories of the people I
black and white workers whose lives
With deep passion and enormous talent,
she went on to write for several publications,
ment and liberation of queer Latinas. Castro-
Van Voorhis explains that before the time
including Ms. magazine, where she served as
Smyth also works as part of a team doing
of colonization, two spirit people were consid-
executive editor. She's covered women, politics
bilingual,
ered holy, or touched by the creator. When early
and social justice, gender, sexual orientation,
research with underserved women who have
explorers were introduced to people in this hon-
class and immigration issues.
advanced cancer.
ored position, the explorers were so afraid of
Over the years, Zia has received dozens of
"For those of us in underserved and margin-
them that they killed the two spirit people on
awards and accolades, but she says she's hard-
alized communities, I believe that community-
sight. This forced the native LGBT community
pressed to pick any that stand above the rest.
based research is a way to investigate what we
to go underground.
community-based
participatory
want to know about our own communities,
Although today some homophobia remains,
"What's most meaningful is that the different parts of my life and work have been recog-
lives, needs, health disparities, resiliencies;' she
Van Voorhis says there is a lot more accep-
nized-being
says. "It's a way for all of us to tell our stories:'
tance and recognition than ever before within
of color, Asian American, feminist and human:'
American Indian communities.
"The hope is with the traditional elders, [that)
Icurve
a lesbian, writer, activist, person
Zia says everyone can make a difference, no
matter how big or small the contribution.
they recognize the traditional and rightful place
"Signing a petition, sending an email or let-
that we held in the community;' she says. "We
ter, talking to friends, family, coworkers, making
bring honor, respect and a different perspective
a donation, whatever ... everything makes a ripple
and, taken together, can make a tidal wave:'
as the mediator between and within the sexes:'
16
it would be to make a living as one.
Curvatures
Beyond Mortified
An old love letter inspired Mortified (getmorti-
closely to a girl's misadventures with
fied.com), a movement that encourages people to
boys and applaud when she finally
dig up and expose the secret thoughts they held
comes out of the closet.
onto so tightly in adolescence-and
"I told her that I was pretending
queer women
other folks) are breaking the locks off of their dia-
she was Brad Pitt-though
she felt
more like Gwyneth Paltrow;' reveals
ries from the 1960s to the'90s and, with unflinch-
Cynthia
ing optimism and pre-adolescent candor, daring
crowd, despite her long ago "pact of
are jumping on board. Nationwide, lesbians (and
Brinkman
secrecy" with Kerri, the girl she locked
to convey their most personal experiences.
ful of strangers who want to hear you read your adolescent diary
Though founded by a man (David Nadelberg), Mortified
aloud? Mortified proves we're really all the same: awkward, all-to-
is popular with lesbians, many of whom are eager to see other
human and eager to get laid.
In essence, Mortified is a live show, a celebration of our teen-
because they were still in the closet when they were adolescents,
age years, in which the performers are orators who share their
or don't have diary entries that far back. Still, they spread the word,
previously hidden thoughts, secrets and kinkiness with the public.
hoping more LGBT members will attend future shows.
LGBT folks perform. Some audience members say they don't
In San Francisco, it takes place onstage at, appropriately enough,
I was raving about the show for weeks when I finally con-
the Make-Out Room, in the heart of the Mission district. It is a
vinced my rommate to check it out. After her first show, she
voyeur's dream brought to life by the brave souls who are willing
gushed, "It was indescribable, really; I wished I had [realized]
to recall their teenage yearnings and disappointments.
before-I
would have gone to all of the shows!"
"My whole life is shit ... my self-image is shot ... torn between
Another anonymous Mortified fan explains, ''.After a while,
utter sadness or complete joy, they do not come sold separately.
it becomes like church:' She feels compelled to attend the re-
Life is a place of confining thoughts ... whoever said it's a won-
claiming of adolescence. It makes us believe something fresh is
derful life had no clue at all, because it's not at all!" spills Amber
out there for each of us-something
Milner, one such brave soul, to a breathless crowd.
makes the single woman believe in love again. It makes the couple
It may not be therapy in the traditional sense, but it's the act
release-letting
words float into the ears of peo-
ple who also may need to remember what it feels like to finally
kiss that special someone for the first time.
The Mortified audience is transported
back to the actual
raw and something new. It
remember heartache. As for me, it makes me realize that humanity is-and
has always been-as
horny as ever.
Mortified is a celebration of the universally awkward, raw and
unthinking surge of hope that led us to our first encounters with
ecstasy and inevitable heartache. The Mortified "cast" is there to
experiences of the performers, reliving the fears and thrills
remind us that these experiences exist, whether we are ready to
along with them-and
remember them or not. To get a taste of the action, check out the
as any good friend would, we cheer for
that first taste of tongue or that first brush of breast. We listen
Billedasthe enlightened
sportsdrink,ZicoPure
Coconut
Water(zico.com)
reallydoesmakea great
alternative
to the sugary chugsI'm usedto
drinkingaftera roundof
JillianMichael'sBiggest
Winnerworkoutvideos
Uillianmichaels.com).
Coconutwater,unlike
coconutmilk,is light
tasting,andin Zico's
case,comesinfused
with differentcitrusy
flavors.Soldin 11 ounce
containers
that remind
meof Japanese
sodas,
Zicohaslow acidity,
containsno addedsugar
andclaimsto replace
electrolytes
lostduring
strenuousphysical
activity.I canimagineall
threeflavors-including
myfavorite,passionfruit
andorangepeel-taste
greatin cocktails,too.
lips with in the early '90s.
What could be more mortifying than a room-
of letting go-a
REFRESHMENT
FROM THE
T OPICS
to the hungry
book, Mortified: Love Is a Battlefield. -
CG
-KT
Goodbye to San Francisco's Osento Bathhouse
CURVATURES
WRITTEN
BY
I
7'
jj
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2,
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)
u
I..
()
a
C
!)
NatalieBell,Carla
Goldfarb,
Tania
Hammidi,
Colleen
Mccaffrey,John
Pann,KatiePeoples,
KelseyTruman
October 2008
I 17
Angela Gasperi
Angela Gasperi is not afraid of change. Her mission and her art are always evolving.
Gasperi, a 29-year-old Illinois native, works in a variety of media including acrylics, watercolor and photography. Choosing not to limit herself to one medium allows for more freedom of expression, she says. "I feel that each one of my artistic expressions is created with the materials
that would be most effective to get the meaning, feeling, to the viewer:'
Her pieces reveal her wide creative range. Her abstract print In Motion shows stark, curved red and
black lines in the center of the page. Another print uses the same colors, but the lines are more ragged.
Though Gasperi is comfortable in several media, she says painting is her favorite. "I am able to release
myself most effectively while I paint. I try to become a part of the painting:'
Her Back, one of Gasperi's photographs, presents a subject at once near-at-hand and closed off. The
viewer sees a woman's bare back as she lies on a bed-an
undoubtedly intimate setting-but
her face is
turned away, denying the viewer the connection that is hinted at in the frame.
With her work, Gasperi also plays a role in AIDS activism. She has donated pieces to the charity
auction Art Against AIDS, presented by Chicago's Heartland Alliance and intends to "continue to be an
avid participant for the cause:'
Though the media and subjects Gasperi chooses differ from piece to piece, her work generally seems
to originate from one muse: women. "Even though my subject changes, the female body is something that
I am most drawn co;' she says. "This is where I find my inspiration:'
18 I curve
Katy Perry
"I'm kinda saving myself for Miley Cyrus.">> Mus1c·an
y
I S
e
Hola, Chicas
The mainstream media's exploitation of women-and
larly women of color-is
something
particu-
many people are aware
of and discuss at great length, but Chica Luna Productions
is one of the rare organizations
that is actually putting on the
gloves and stepping into the ring to fight it. A nonprofit based
"I feel like people are OK [in Seattle] with you being
who you are-gay, straight, black, white, orange,
green-it doesn't matter. Here, everybody lives
theirown life." > ery w
e ,mes
in New York City, Chica Luna has taken on the job of getting
women of color in the media by training a new generation of
socially conscious female artists.
Cofounded by Elisha Maria Miranda, Sonia Gonzalez and
"Ivy-League homegirl" Sofia Quintero in 2001, Chica Luna seeks
to create and promote socially conscious media and support upand-coming female artists who are accountable to their communities. Each year they run programs that hand a camera and a pen
to young women of color, teaching them to create films and other
media that stay true to their lives and their communities. By giving a voice and visibility to women of color, and producing media
projects based on their actual experiences, instead of stereotypes,
Chica Luna is teaching the profession of progression.
"Planning a wedding is very stressful, I'm realizing.
It's just crazy. Like, my gardener is now invited.
It's just spread, it's huge." > c: n
e
a
na s o
mg planning
"Well, you know, the Army needs a few good felons."
,,,;, oa
arra ,
venaer rr
response to why the Army would rec 1tr p1sts
and murderers but not ho
exuals
Run by a group of fierce women from multiracial backgrounds
and a handful of gloriously determined interns, Chica Luna hosts
its own annual short-film festival and offers an intensive yearlong
program for would-be filmmakers and radio producers. Women
of color from all five boroughs, ages 16 to 25, have the opportunity to take part in the F-Word, a multimedia justice project
where they participate in weekly workshops on media literacy
and filmmaking and learn organizing and advocacy skills.
"We want Chica Luna Productions and everything we stand
for to be the norm, not the exception;' says New Voices fellow
Ana Trinidad. In an effort to further promote its message, Chica
Luna opened a sister studio in 2005 in El Barrio, New York's
Spanish Harlem. Not only does this female-centric group raise
social awareness and empower female artists, but it also raises
some hell. (chicaluna.com) -
CM
"First we met with the actresses and executive producer ... and that was like an hour and a half
meeting. And then we were into the writers'
room with the entire writing staff and a stenographer, just to make sure they got everything.
And they were really intense on understanding
and telling the story line from a source of truth."
>> u
cer
e1 s, o
e
en, on
her role in developing the lesbian story hne on
Grey's Anatomy
October 2008 \ 19
Lesbo ile
Curvatures
Wedding Bells, Slaps and Kisses
These are just some of the sounds we're hearing this month.
I
Lesbofile is evidently PMSing this month, because
everyone's getting emotional. But love us, hate us or
tongue-kiss us and we'll talk about it.
Yes, yes, we know it's old hat-but
a very big,
belated congrats to pioneers DelMartinand Phyllis
Lyon,who were the lucky first couple to wed in
San Francisco under California's new legalization
of same-sex marriage. For those of you who also
tied the knot, we wish you many happy years together.
And for the rest of you couples out there, make
like Portia de Rossiand Emmy-winning
Ellen
DeGeneres
and start planning the big day!
Well, maybe that's too strong a word-but
the
Lost star certainly doesn't appreciate journalists
speculating on her sexuality. "What the majority
of [people] want to know is what I'm doing with
my vagina, and I think that that's sick," Michelle
Rodriguez
told Latina magazine.
"I think that they wonder because I'm such a
tomboy;• she added. 'i\.nd I don't care about what
I look like most of the time. You'll see me walking
around in my jeans for the most part. I'm pretty
much a tough-ass. You don't see that type of shit in
a lot of women:'
Well, that part's true ... especially when you
react to journalists and bloggers who ask you about
your sexuality like this: "I picture them turning into
pigs, slime coming out the side of their mouth, and
bian part. The part that would be hard for me is to
producer Mark Ronson-will
I picture them jerking off;' she says. "I don't answer
commit to a tour because I'm not very comfortable
and top hat. Too bad dad told the Sun his Christian
those questions. I just keep it to myself and it's
being onstage. But the part that would be easiest
faith would prevent him from walking her down the
nobody's business. If I wanna fuck a girl, a boy, a
for me would be to be singing on behalf of all of
aisle. (Michael Lohan is probably too busy with a
dog-that's
us. I don't consider myself to be not gay:'
paternity scandal right now anyway.)
LindsayLohanstill wants to marry lezzie DJ pal
Madonnais an icon to all the flaming gays, but the
Star magazine reported the acmagazine, as Rodriguez's "friend" Kristanna
Loken SamanthaRonson.
tor
and
Ronson
"are
totally playing house and loving
did to The Advocatein 2006.
original Material Girl decided to give some very
my business. That's why there's bath-
don black trousers
room doors:'
And that's also true-unless
your girlfriend
decides to play coy (albeit poorly) to a national
every minute of it:' Laban's parents have cryptically
close, personal attention to one of her female fans
at a private show in France.
acknowledged the relationship and Lohan told Ryan
"Why do I have this relationship with France?"
There's straight, there's gay and then there's "not
Seacrest, on KUS-FM, her birthday wish: "I just
she asked the audience. 'Tm always drawn to work-
least, according to CarlySimon.
When
want to live a happy life and continue on the path
ing with French people-and
the ChicagoFreePressasked the singer if she'd con-
I've been on and be with the person I care about
people! Vive la France( The 50-year-old singer
not gay"-at
frenching French
sider joining the True Colors tour if CyndiLauper and my family:' Australia's Herald Sun reported that
invited her, Simon answered, "Well, the part that
Linds will be sporting a white Chanel mini-dress for
punctuated her sentence with a tongue-probing
I actually could be involved in is the gay and les-
what we call VIP service. ■
20
I
curve
the November nuptials and Ronson-sister
to hit-
kiss for an unidentified female attendee. Now that's
Curvatures
THE RUN DOWN
Lesbian
authorandeditorDiane
J. Salvatorehassteppeddown
fromherpositionaseditorin chief
of LadiesHomeJournalafter
holdingthepostfor sixyears.The
authorof severalnovelsandshort
stories,includingBenediction
and
Love,ZenaBeth,Salvatore
is a
publishing
industryveteran,
with
publications
likeMarieClaire,YM,
GoodHousekeeping,
Redbook
andGlamour
onherresume.Her
exitis partof a majoreditorial
shakeup
at LHJ,according
to
industryinsiders.
Gay,lesbianandtransgender
retireescouldsoonhavea communalhomeallto themselves
in Ballan,
Australia.
Theplanned
LintonEstates,a $26million
retirement
village,will consist
of 120self-contained
unitsand
amenities
likea residents'
gym,
pool,tenniscourt,bowlinggreen
andclubhouse.
TheSeattleOperais hopingto
buildits audience
numbers
by
reaching
outandofferingthree
LGBTnightsat McGraw
Hallduringtheupcoming
season.
Each
LGBTnight,the$100discount
ticketpriceincludesmain-floor
orchestra
seating,a private
intermission
reception-complete
withhorsd'oeuvres,
wineand
dessert-anda pre-showlecture.
Amazing
Racecontestants
PatHendrickson
andKate
LewiswedonJuly9 inVentura,
Calif.Hendrickson,
anordained
deacon,
andLewis,anEpiscopal
priest,werethesecondteam
eliminated
fromtherealityshow's
secondseason.
Theywerewed
in frontof 20guests,including
Hendrickson's
twograndsons.
GLAAD
unveileditsfirst-ever
cablenetwork-ranking
index
onJuly12,puttingFX(probably
because
of Nip/Tuck)
higheston
its list.Eightoutof 10networks
received
passingmarks,including
ABC,withshowslikeUglyBetty,
Desperate
Housewives
and
Brothers
andSisters.
Thetwo
thatfailed?NBCandFox.
-NB andJP
Fuel for Your Fast-Paced Life
Hasyourworkscheduleleftyoustarvingandstruggling
to decidewhetherto eata BigMac,a Whopper
or a BeefBurrito
Supreme?
Orperhapsyou'rea macrobiotic
veganwitha flat tire in Nothing-but-Brisket,
Texas?
Whatever
thecauseof your
hunger,
keepthattummyasfull asyourlife is withtheseenergybars.- KP
KannaBars
SmartMonkeyBars
SOYJOY
Bars
Thesetastytreats
modelthemselves
after
goodold-fashioned
granola
barsandarepackedwith
protein.Whilethe Double
Chocolate
is tasty,the
OrangeCranberry
Almondis :
byfar the bestof Karma's :
selection.
Plusthey're70 \
percentorganic.
:
Despite
theirlow
:
weight,KarmaBarstend
:
to beonthelargeside,and \
theirgranola
texturecan
:
leaveyourmouthdry.Keepa \
bottleof waterhandy.
200calories,
13gramsof protein,6
gramsof fat,4 gramsof
fiber,25 gramsof carbs.
Thesecutely
wrappedbarscomein severalflavors,buttheCarob
Brownieis chocolatey
enoughto satisfymore
thanjustyourappetite.
They'realsoa rawfood
(veganandorganic),
soyou
won'tbetorturedbyhunger
pangswhentheonlyfood
establishment
in sightis a
burgerjoint.
Thesebarsaresmall
andtendto flakein your
mouth.Youmightwantto
packmorethanone.
170calories,
5 gramsof protein,9 grams
of fat,4 gramsof fiber,
23 gramsof carbs.
Theenergybar's
skinnycousin,SOY
JOY
snacksaresuper-slim
and
feather-light
for packing
intopursesor pockets.
Andthesoyanddried
fruit combois delicious,
especially
theAppleflavor,
which,likeall goodsweets,
hasa dashof cinnamon.
WhileSOY
JOYbars
area greatalternative
to
yourtypicalvendingmachinefare,theirdensitywill
makefor a super-chewy
foodbreak.
130to 140calories,
4 gramsof protein,6 grams\
of fat, 3 gramsof fiber,16
gramsof carbs.
MatisseandJack's
PowerSnacks
Theseeasy-to-bake
snacksareextremely
tasty
andcomein Cranberry
and,onestaffer'sfavorite,
Chocolate
Chip.They're
alsolowin fat, contain
organicwholegrains,are
anexcellentsourceof
calciumandironandhave
400milligramsof omega-3
fattyacids.
Whiledelicious,
these
snacksrequirebakingand
aren'tnecessarily
on-thego-friendly.
150to 160calories,
7 gramsof protein,2 to 3.5
gramsof fat,3 gramsof
fiber,26 gramsof carbs.
WHAT'S HOT: Sexy Halloween Costumes
Halloween
is the perfecttimeto playdressupwiththe helpof Shirleyof Hollywood's
hot
storybook-inspired
costumes
(shirleyofhollywood.com).
Yes,we know,youmaybemore
commonly
foundin butchiergear(lastyearscoresof lesbianswereHarryPotter,Sponge
Bobanda firefighterala DaniCampbell).
ButShirley'svastcatalogof cute,sexycostumesis sureto setyouapartfromthegothsandtheghouls.You'llhaveyourpickof
thetuffetswhenyouhit the partyasLittleMissMuffet.Orgeta grouptogether
asthecastof ShirleyinWonderland,
completewiththeQueenof Hearts,
the
MadHatterandtheCheshire
Cat-madnesswasneversexier.There'salso
a Sinderella
costumeandSleeping
Beauty.Beadvised,
though,if you
choosethesexyLittle(Les)Bo
Peepgarb,theflockis sureto befollowingyouaroundall night.- KT
Advice
Lipstick & Dipstick
Run Off to Rio
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I have a hardcore crush on a friend of mine. We've been
friends for about six years, and my feelings
have deepened for her over the years.
Now comes the fun part. We're both stuck
in marriages that suck. Our husbands are
very much alike, so our sadness and frustration have only brought us closer. Sadly,
she and her family just relocated to the East
Coast because of her husband's job transfer. We were both devastated by this. We
really miss each other and feel a tremendous loss over our separation. She was
recently back in town for a very short visit
and we got together for dinner. After a few
drinks, we were giggly and touchy-feely.
Things were different. I've been physical
with a woman before- it was 20 years ago
and was a very short affair because I was
terrified by it. Over the years, I fought off my
desire to be in a relationship with a woman.
But this time, it's much harder to ignore. I
think about her every day. It's more than a
physical feeling. It's a deeper emotional
connection. I'm afraid to initiate a conversation about this, but I want more from her.
I'm dying to know if she feels the same way.
What to do? Broach the subject? Or buy
lots of C batteries and keep living in Fantasy
Land? - Pining Penny
Lipstick:C batteries? What prehistoric vibrator are
you using? Go immediately to the local sex shop
and get something that was made after 1990. Trust
me on this. Regarding the girl, however, Lipstick
thinks you should rendezvous somewhere private
and warm. Rio? While you're lying on the beach
with your mai tais, roll over and ask her if she's ever
been with a woman. Regardless of her response,
tell her about the experience you had 20 years ago.
not. But either way,
you've got to move.
Do something.
Dear Lipstick and
Dipstick: My
mom
knows I'm a lesbian and she
knows I'm going out with someone-but
she doesn't know who. Well, I happen to
be dating my mom's "enemy's" daughter.
She really hates my girlfriend's mother and I
really want to tell her about it, but I don't
know how. What should I do? - I Only Want
to Love Her in Iowa
This little conversation will be immensely telling.
Maybe she has a stockpile of C batteries, too.
Dipstick:Do you believe in fate? I think you and
your new girlfriend were brought together for a
Dipstick:Yes, you need to broach the topic.
reason-so
Otherwise, you'll spend the rest of your life in
work through their issues and walk you two down
an unhappy marriage, wondering "What if?" And
the aisle, arm in arm. I can just see it. They'll have
your mom and her archenemy can
regardless of how she responds, take a look at your
a truce, George Bush and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
life, Penny! Why stay a minute longer in a rela-
will slow dance, the Arab- Israeli conflict will cease
tionship that sucks? You need to make a decision.
and the ice caps will stop melting. Yes, tell your
Either get into counseling with your husband and
mom. This is an opportunity for healing.
fix that mess, or get out and start creating your own
happiness. It may be with your friend, or it may
Lipstick:I believe in fate, Dip. Not only do
enemies end up face to face in situations like this,
but those who're most homophobic end up having
gay kids. Case in point: a girl I knew growing up.
I'll call her Annabelle. Her folks were as stiff as a
freshly starched shirt. Being the baby dyke I was,
I knew Annabelle would like the ladies one day,
too, but I wondered if she'd ever be able to come
out. Well, she did. And guess what her parents are
doing now, instead of touting the latest anti-gay
ballot measure? They're writing to the pope, telling him their daughter should have the right to get
married. My point, Iowa, is twofold. First, sometimes that which we fear the most ends up becoming life's biggest gift. Second, people often surprise
us. Maybe they'll realize how ridiculous it is to have
enemies at their age. The real lesson here is: Don't
follow in your mom's immature footsteps.
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: When I was in
my 20s, I knew inside that I was a lesbian. I
didn't want to deal with it, so I was celibate
after college, where I had sex with a handful of guys. In my 30s, I accepted I was bi
and had sex with men and women. Then,
in my late 30s, I married a man. It was like
221
curve
Ask Fairy Butch Advice
I
Jealousy 2.0
>Ut
to
:er.
di
n't
mt
wearing shoes two sizes too small. I was
unhappy and our marriage ended after
three years.
So the deal is, I'm in my early 40s
and out, and I'm not having any guilt or
consternation or gut-wrenching feelings at all. I'm just really happy. I've told
friends and family, and their reactions
ranged from not at all surprised to mildly
amused. Nothing but awesome support.
I guess I'm wondering if this is weird. I
feel like this has all been too easy. Is the
other shoe going to drop? Or is this just
the beauty of being true to who you are?
- Cincinnati Cinderella
md
Dear Fairy Butch: I get really jealous whenever my girlfriend gets calls or emails from
women she has met online. I try to tell
myself that I am being silly, that she has a
right to have friends, but it doesn't work. I
feel twisted up inside and angry. I have tried
talking to her about it, but I wind up making
her feel bad, like I am trapping her in a box.
I just don't like it that they have to call every
day. I have a few online buddies but I don't
call them every day. Am I being dumb? If I
am, then how do I control my emotions? I
am at the end of my rope here. - Jealous
in Jersey
of faith-some
has-
bians (women who
used to be lesbians)
have
dyke
phases
that last 15 years. You
should look your beloved deeply
in her eyes, take her face in your hands, kiss her
and tell her that you are committed to lesbianism
and committed to her. Tell her that you're madly
in love with her and that you have eyes for no one
else-male or female.
She needs to have faith in you-that
she isn't
going to give her heart away only to have it stepped
on and discarded. It's a horrible prospect to think
that you're going to get all cozy and settled in with
Dear Jealous: Dumpling, I wouldn't begrudge
someone, and then have her leave. So let her know
r a
Lipstick:You must have tons of time on your
your girlfriend her friends. What you need to do is
that you're in it for the long haul and that you don't
:an
hands, Cinderella. This is the first question
develop some trust in her. It's OK to talk about
plan on going back to playing for the straight team.
wn
we've received from someone wondering why
your feelings, but approach it from the angle that
My best to you, sugarplum!
ave
life's too good. To answer your questions: Yup,
you're trying to get comfortable with her having
jad
it's the beauty, especially when you're living
close friends. Tell her that you need her compas-
ase
in the United States and it's 2008. Like Nina
sion to bridge the gap between the pain you're feel-
Simone sang in her torch song"Feeling Good":
"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life
ing now and the acceptance of her social situation
for me:' Things have changed, Cindie. Corning
her friends and thus render them less intimidating.
)Ur
that you hope to gain. Perhaps you can get to know
Dear Fairy Butch: I've been in a relationship
for a while now, but recently, things have
started to heat up. It was going very well
until other people started appearing. Now
I have to deal with her love-struck gal pal,
her ex-lover, the diva from hell and a selforiented, often rude buddy. This situation
is taking a big toll on my girlfriend and she
vents much of it to me. I understand why this
happens, but when I try to help out, it backfires big-time. What should I do: sit back and
let her deal with the mess, help out or walk?
- Crowded in Colorado
do
out of the closet is no longer certain to cost you
At any rate, you're going to have to give her the
1is,
friends and family, so woo-hoo for you! But you
space to have her friends or she'll develop claustro-
ing
should count your blessings, because there are
phobia and your relationship will suffer. It's good
up.
many gay kin who don't have it so easy. They're
to have a support network of folks other than your
.s a
still cornered in their small-town closets and
partner; it offers both of you more security and
ras,
buried under Bibles. You've got a charmed life,
ventilation. Your feelings of jealousy and insecurity
lay,
so celebrate your smooth road by cracking open
a nice bottle of wine.
should subside in time, with your gal's help and
Dipstick:
Let me get this straight. You spent 20
Dear Fairy Butch: Hi. I am a 21-year-old
dyke who is new to the world of lesbianism.
I recently met someone I really like. We have
spent a lot of time together and have decided to get serious and make a commitment.
The problem is that the person I am involved
with is worried that this is only a phase for
me, and that I am going to get over it. I have
had lesbian feelings for the past two years
and haven't been interested in a guy since
then. I am very comfortable with my sexuality and myself, but how do I convince her?
- Looking for Wisdom in Wisconsin
Fairy Butch is the author of The
Guide to Lesbian Relationships.
Dear Looking:Well, darling, welcome to dyke-
Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex: A
Complete Resource for Women and
Ask them anything at lipstickdipstick.com.
dom-I wish I were there in person to hand you
your toaster oven. Every leap into love is a leap
me
understanding. Good luck, toots!
are
5ay
ell-
years denying your sexuality, living an unful-
get
ne-
filled life, and now you're waiting for the other
rn-
its racks and gone out of business. Now put on
:ise
those pretty penny loafers-the
ave
)n't
ones-and
shoe to drop? Sister, the shoe store has cleared
the other beautiful gay children. And let this be
a message to all you closet cases out there. The
world does not end when you come out. It only
in
,. I
expands. Way to go, Cindie! ■
ite
These advicegurus are the authors
of Lipstick & Dipstick's Essential
Idbi
ike
comfortable
walk out in the sunshine with all
DearCrowded:
Well, pumpkin, it can indeed get
mighty crowdc
1'1
a relationship at times, and
characters such as the ones you so vividly describe
can certainly get in the way of the copacetic lifestyle
you seek. If you're inclined to walk, then you might
be walking out on a good thing, but if it's more than
you can bear, that's your decision. What I think
is that your girlfriend may just be looking for a
sounding board and she's chosen you as candidate
numero uno. Resist the urge to help out and just be
a good listener for now. ■
Men. Email fb@fairybutch.comwith
The
Ult1HU
G Ide
to
St r1p•0n
Sn
your queries.
October 2008 \ 23
Advice
Health
It Takes an Army
SMOKE BEAVER MUCH?
There's nothing more horrifying
than a lesbian vegetarian hypocrite.
Except maybe realizing that I am a
lesbian vegetarian hypocrite.
I was a smoker for many years,
when I was youthful and thought I
was a cool East Village bohemian.
I liked the taste, and the feel of the
butt on my lips and between my
fingers. Then I met my now partnerwife, and she decided it was time to
kick the habit, not to mention kick
my ass. We made a pact on New
Year's Eve 2000, and we haven't
looked back.
There are times when I long
for a drag, those nights when the
sun lingers on my skin, when the
wine is flowing, when memory or
some desire for immortal escape
fills the air. Whenever the addiction feels strong, I think about the
pact-also, about a little thing called
castoreum.
Heard of it? Beavers (yes, that's
right, those semi-aquatic rodents)
scent-mark their territory with
castoreum, a powerful and complex
combination of castor sac secretions and urine. (Location of the
castor sacs? Way too close to the
anus and genital area!) Castoreum
gives cigarettes a musky, aromatic
smell and flavor. It is also used in
perfumes, essential oils and
homeopathic remedies and was
once thought to cure "hysteria."
Years of butts, years of veggies,
years of smoking beaver. Oh,
the guilt. Oh, the hypocrisy.
Let this be a hysterical health
advisory for you, girls-yes,
you, hanging outside the
club, enveloped in haze and
attitude. - Mary Foulk
24
Icurve
Boobs-we're all born with them, and most of
us want to keepthem.Renowned
breastsurgeon
Dr.SusanLoveis betting1 millionwomenworking togetherwith rese,archers,
will find both the
causeof, and the cure for breastcancerin her
lifetime,andboobswill indeedendure.
"I'm 60 years old and I've got probably20
good years remaining,so I am in a big hurry,"
says Love, who is partnering with Avon to
launch the Love/AvonArmy of Women(armyofwomen.org).Love'suniquenew directionin the
fight againstbreastcanceris a very simplebut
revolutionaryprogramto recruit1 millionhealthy
women to sign on for considerationin future
researchprograms.
Love explains that most breast cancer
researchis conductedon womenwho already
havethe disease,as well as on animals."There
is an enormous need to shift the focus to
researchon healthywomen,to unlock the key
to what happensbeforebreastcancerappears,"
shesays.
"Evenwhile progresshas beenmadein the
diagnosis,treatmentand survivalrates of those
with breast cancer,we still do not know the
causeof the diseaseor how to preventit," says
Love."TheArmyof Womenwill empowerusto be
at the forefrontof breastcancerresearchby partneringwith researchers
andtakingan activerole
in researchitself. Thispartnershipwill enableus
to go beyonda cure anderadicatebreastcancer
onceandfor all."
Loveis convincedthat at leastpart of the key
liesin examiningbreasttissueandfluids."Maybe
it's viral. WhenI was a youngmedicalresident,
we didn't havea clueaboutwhat causedcervical
cancer.Now,30yearslater,we havea vaccineto
preventit. Thatis exactlythe directionI want to
takewith breastcancerresearch-find the cause
andthendevelopthe cure."
Oneof the barriersto a paradigmshift in the
way breast cancer is studied is the difficulty
that researchers-who work in virtual isolation
in hospitalsand laboratories-face in reaching
healthywomen.
The Love/AvonArmy of Womenvolunteers
will partner with researcherswho are studying specificpopulations,such as, say, pregnant
womenin Detroitor single lesbiansunder35 in
NewMexico.
Lovesaysshe believesthis new approachis
the onlyway to find the sourceof breastcancer,
notjust to treat it, but to preventit. "We'vegot to
start gettingcreative.Whoknowswhatthe cause
is? Scientistshaveplentyof ideas,but perhapsit
is actuallysomething-or morethanonethingwe havenevereventhoughtof. It couldjust as
easilybe viral as hormonalor environmental."
Whateverthe solutionturns out to be, Love
wants to makecertainshe seesthe end of terminal breast cancer before her own life ends.
- Stephanie Schroeder
A FEWGOOD
BREAST
CANCER
TOMES
MarenKlawiter'sdeeplyinsightfulTheBiopoliticsof BreastCancer(upress.umn.edu)
analyzes
the
breastcancermovement-howthe diseasehasbeenmanaged
bythe medicalcommunityandmarketedto the public,andhowfindinga curehasbecomean influentialsocialmovement.
Providing
critical
assessment
anda varietyof perspectives,
Klawitertakesa closelookat the historyandcontext,limitationsandpartialitiesof the disease.Daringto lookat thedarksideof the pinkribbon,Samantha
King's
PinkRibbons,Inc.(upress.umn.edu)
confrontsthecommercialization
of the breastcancer
movement,
exploring
the dangersanddrawbacks
of philanthropy,
ouroftenmisguided
reasons
for participating
in a cause,andhowconsumerism
anda market-driven
culture
candetractfromprevention
andtheeffortsto investigate
environmental
causes.Cancer
survivorBarbaraDelinsky'sUplift(simonsays.com)
is an indispensable
bookfor all those
touchedby breastcancer.
Toldfromthe myriadperspectives
of womenwhohavebeen
throughthe experience,
Upliftofferswarmanecdotes,
reassuring
adviceandheartening
momentsof realcourageandwill. - MaryFoulk
gt as
.ove
ter1ds.
Life Advice
A Lesbian Way to Say Goodbye
Heather chose all the music for her ceremony.
"I Like to Boogie" by T. Rex had us stumped for a
while, until a friend remembered hearing it on the
BillyElliotsoundtrack. We raced out for the DVD;
Heather confirmed it was the correct version.
Heather died at midday on a Friday, with several friends chattering at her bedside and many more
in the living room. First there was sadness and
quiet singing, then we began to prepare her body.
I slowly washed and rinsed her hair, feeling the
surprising weight of her head. We tied her jaw up
with a scar£ and selected her favorite birdwatcher's
••
-a
~
·-
~
:::,
0
Q) >,.
(.) 0
C:
0
C:·u5
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T-shirt. Though emaciated, Heather looked painfree and peaceful, and her freckles were cute again.
Our plan unfolded like clockwork. Women
arrived to deliver coolers full of ice blocks, which
had been frozen in large milk containers and soft
drink bottles, and then stashed in their freezers
for this event. We placed the ice under and around
Heather, sandwiching the bottles between layers
of plastic, under decorative sheets. Since we had to
keep Heather's body at 42 degrees, one member of
the community appoirited herself ice monitor.
Goodbye continued on page 78
TIPSONDOINGIT YOURSELF
I had never envisaged our house in suburban
Australia as a do-it-yourself hospice turned funeral
parlor, but it turned out to be perfectly suited.
Knowing she was dying, our friend Heather began
to distribute her belongings and sold her house .
She was so organized and brave; only at night did
she feel afraid. My partner had the solution: Move
in with us. Within two days, she'd rehung the bathroom door, bought us a new refrigerator and baked
cookies for my birthday.
It wasn't long before I was spending all my time
trawling supermarket shelves, hoping to find some-
Whena lovedoneleavesherbodyinyourcare
afterdeath,it is important
to remember
herlast
wishes.
Afewthingscanmakeyourjobasfuneral
director/grief-stricken
frienda littleeasier:
O Besureyouknowthe lawsin yourarea
beforeyouplanyourownDIVsend-off.Do-ityourselffuneralsareillegal(orat leastpractically impossible)
in Arkansas,
Connecticut,
Indiana,
Louisiana,
NewYork,Nebraska
andUtah.
8 Learnaboutthe logistics.Plentyof websites
offerDIVadvice,asdoesthe bookDealing
Creativelywith Death:A Manualof Death.
8 Consider
cremation-it's lessexpensive
than
a coffinandyourlovedonecanbe laidto restin
something
just as meaningful.
- JohnPann
thing Heather might eat or drink; for a while it was
only ginger beer and pickles. We started a roster to
ensure round-the-dock
care. One woman made an
exquisite hand-bound edition of Heather's poetry;
another organized a telephone tree.
With Heather, we made the decision to con duct the funeral and burial ourselves, using a recent
edition of Willing Up and KeelingOver:A Lesbian
Handbook on Death Rights and Rituals, for which
Heather had been a proofreader. And so an action
plan was prepared.
ORSHOOT
FORTHEMOON
Wantto makea bigsplashandjoin StarTrek
creatorGeneRoddenberry
orbitingEarth?Try
spaceburial,a procedure
in whichsomeof your
crematedashesareplacedin a capsulethesize
of a tubeof lipstickandlaunchedintospace
usinga rocket.Celestus
offersEarthorbitpackagesthatstartat $695.Andin 2010,youwill
beableto takea permanent
celestialjourney
to the moon-thoughpricesmaybesteep.
(memorialspaceflights.com)
- RachelShatto
October 2008
I25
Advice
Astro Grrl
LuckyCharms
Sapphic Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
Sex:Your charisma quotient is high and you can charm just
Scarps about anyone. Will she do your bidding:' Up your bid first.
Career:Libras feel especially flush. Money flows ,like water this
commandthe October. For the best effect, let it rush in and seep out slowly.
professionalScorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
centerstage Sex:Find a well,endowed benefactress to fluff your pillow and
soothe your brow. Yes, you can be bought-but
don't come
cheap.
Career:
Sapphic
Scorps
command
the
professional
cen,
as all eyes
ter stage as all eyes are upon you. Are you wearing underwear:'
are upon Ah, figures!
you. Are Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
you wearing Sex:Turn on the charm while you can and while your charm
actually works. Before you know it, you'll revert to your usual
underwear? crass antics. Career:Something or someone might be maneu,
puddle. Career:Strong business relationships can be made now
if you keep your eyes open and your fingers at the ready. Grab
vering behind the scenes at work. Is she girlfriend or foe:' Find
the gold and the glory now, 'cause this window of opportunity
out this month.
won't be open for long.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Sex:Use mind control to get the girl of your wet dreams. Send
her intense signals and she will respond. But then what will you
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Sex:Cement current partnerships or create new ones. Or may,
be try to do both at the same time. You never know. Career:
do:' Career:You have gal pals in high places who can help you
This is no time to be lazy. Plot your professional strategy and
along in your climb. Ask and you will find. Be sure you know
put your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel.
what you are asking, though.
What a strange position.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Sex:Get out there and meet,and,greet all through October.
If you are observant, you will find a jewel among all the usual
trash. Career:Hard work pays off as your career takes off. High
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Sex:Crabs can heat the water cooler to a rapid boil. But be dis,
places come up in Capricorn. Achieve your ambitious plans for
fun at the job, but all play and no work can really diminish your
world domination. Then go to lunch.
career prospects. Keep up appearances.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
Sex:You manage to catch the eye of someone in the power
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
Sex: Romance is cooking and fills the air with expectation.
elite. Will you climb the ladder by way of the casting couch:'
Can you choose one special cookie, or will you have to eat the
creet in your interoffice romances. Avoid open cubicles and find
a supply room instead. Career:Obviously, it's too easy to have
You lucky thing. Career:
Travel for business, if you possibly can.
entire dozen:' Yum. Career:
Try to find ways to work from home.
Travel in business class, if you possibly can. When all else fails,
Maybe that means starting a home,based business. Don't forget
just travel, unravel and enjoy.
your nap schedule.
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Sex: Lambda Rams find love in new corners of the world.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Sex: Find any excuse to cocoon with your special lady this
October. See what and who you can whip up at home. Career:
Spread your wings-among
other things-and
travel. Or seek
exotic ladies closer to home. Career:Other people's money will
Call 'em as you see 'em at work. Your voice will be heard and
pave your career path. Will you use it to glide to the top or slide
maybe even listened to for a change. Speak out. ■
to the bottom:' Your call.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Sex:You're too hot to handle this October. Burn your candle at
both ends and meet her in the middle. Then meld into a waxy
26
I curve
Astrologer Charlene Lichtenstein is the author of
Herscopes: A Guide to Astrology for Lesbians. To see
whatelseis in your stars,visitthestarryeye.com
orgo to her
blogat thestarryeye.typepad.com.
Relationships Advice
The Lesbian Parent Trap
If you're considering kids or she already has them, proceed with caution. I By Kate Lacey
now
Jrab
mity
Gay folks have the best contraception on the market, for obvious reasons.
Are You Ready for This?
When was the last time a queer couple accidentally got sloppy drunk and for-
The word"baby" comes from the pig Latin "aby-bay;' which translates to: "Loss
got to pull out of all the paperwork for adopting a Chinese baby? This being
of sleep, loss of cash and loss of freedom:• Let us not forget that a baby is a cry-
true, lesbian couples should take the time to consider whether they are truly
ing, pooping and drooling machine. Sure, its smile will light up your world, but
right for parenthood. Don't let the deafening ticktock of your biological time
forget about picking up and going away for the weekend. You'll trade in your
bomb drown out your good sense and rationality.
dancing shoes for running shoes. You'll trade in your long nights of heavy pant-
On the other hand, many women have burst out of the closets of their
ing for even longer nights of ear-splitting screams (and not the good kind from
youth to embrace their true desires later in life. They have walked away from
your partner). Say goodbye to investing in bobble heads, hockey jerseys and
their previous hetero life with parting gifts from ex-men like wedding china
lesbian cruises. You'll need all your green stuff to cover your new expenses-
and the part-time possession of offspring. The mommy lesbian enters the dat-
from formula to college tuition.
ing world with more baggage than JFK airport. So, if you thought dealing with
someone's ex-girlfriend was a challenge, remember that the progeny is not
Once the baby starts walking and talking, your days will get even more hectic. The little person will be the center of your universe, unless you can afford
going away until the genetic wonder hits 18 (if you're lucky). And neither is the
the six nannies, cook and toddler-wrangler it will take to get the kid to eat
something, anything, other than mac and cheese. Your schedule will revolve
baby's daddy. Welcome to the post-nuclear family.
However the stork drops the bundle of joy in your lap-whether
you
around the pick-up and drop-off. Your top priority will change from working
choose to become a mom through chemistry, a turkey baster, an adoption or
toward your next promotion to figuring out who is going to take Junior to bal-
the products of her past life-you
let class. You will become a beggar and a compromiser, a person who will trade
will first need to decide if you are ready to
take it on.
favors with your partner that involve transportation duties instead of carnal
pleasures. Forget about who will be on top-you'll
be too exhausted.
reer:
What's Your Motivation?
Your reasons are important. If you just want to have regular sex with a h~t
er-expect
and
mama (aka MILF), you'd better reconsider. Good mothers want stability for
fragile from years of neglect, thanks to the insistent needs of your child) take
themselves and, more importantly, for their kids. In a perfect parental world,
the constant machine-gun fire of belittling comments from the monster that
there would be no revolving door that allows a lesbian Pride parade
trample
you nurtured and loved so carefully? Her sweet baby drool will morph into ven-
over the Backyardigans and into the boudoir. Kissing up to the tot to get into
om overnight, and you won't see it coming. The tween hates everything about
mama's playground is also deplorable behavior. In this case, you are not only
its parental units-how
dis-
toying with the emotions of a woman who will eventually see you as a heartless
a few issues that will cause eye-rolling and sneering. And just when you're at
find
player, but you are also fracturing the child's sense of structure and stability.
Interaction with a child is not to be tak-
your wits' end, she'll hug you inexplicably and you'll glimpse the baby girl you
have
your
en lightly. If you fake compassion for the
The transition into the teen years is no less a battleground. Sex,
little one in order to get another notch
booze, fashion, drugs and rap music are the obvious conflicts. One
on your belt, then you deserve what's
day, you'll find yourself shouting, "Not while you live under my
nay-
heel.
coming to you.
to
For the tweens-that
age between sweet youngster and brooding teenag-
hormonal warfare beyond belief. Can your self-esteem (already
you dress, how you talk and how you breathe are just
knew from before.
roof!" and your worst fears will be confirmed: You have become
tion.
Granted, these days it seems to be
your parents. Can you carry the weight of this knowledge on your
the
trendy to pick up a baby or two from
back? Good parents are universal in their need to control and in
Dme.
another country, much as one would
their inability to watch their kids make stupid mistakes (even if
>rget
collect Webkinz. Yes, Angelina Jolie
they made them when they were younger). To not do so is to take
makes the adoption of Third World
a lesson from the Britney Spears school of parental carelessness.
t
babies look sexy. OK, Rosie makes
If you like having less money, less time, various substances to
adopting children look like a compassion
clean up and mountains of laundry, and you would enjoy sacrific-
this
fest to satisfy your savior complex. Sure,
ing your own needs for someone else's, you are a fine candidate for
reer:
Melissa makes borrowing sperm from
parenthood. Of course, having this little person grow up safely,
and
her favorite old hippie with a six-string
soundly and with a solid sense of self is a reward beyond measure.
Fender sound as easy as bumming a cup
Any parent will tell you that a single moment of unabashed love
of sugar from her neighbor. But children
from a child is worth every hour of conflict. Being a parent is the
are serious responsibilities. They do not
most challenging and most rewarding job in the world, so think
go away after the glow of being the sav-
about whether you'll be able to weigh the rewards against the
ior fades or the boom of your biological
challenges, and find a balance between the two. If you can, you'll
clock has ceased.
be on your way to becoming a great lesbian parent. ■
October 2008
I
27
Dyke Drama
Michele Fisher
A Run--inWith the Big C
If you think it'll never happen to you, you might want to think again.
For some real dyke drama, try finding a lump in your hooter while you're tak-
First off, it was a Friday and I wouldn't be able to call a doctor until Monday.
ing a shower.
(I didn't think I could sustain a full 72 hours of worry; it would be too gru-
For a few days, I had been vaguely aware of a pain in my left breast when I
moved a certain way, but it didn't bother me much.
eling.) Second, many people have cancer-why
not me2 In fact, one in eight
women have breast cancer in their lifetime, and in the San Francisco Bay Area,
Of course, we gals are supposed to conduct regular self exams at least once
where I live, it is more like one in six. Third, I thought it probably wasn't cancer,
a month; I know that. Do as I say, not as I do, because I gave up on those regular exams by the time I was an adult member of the itty bitty titty committee.
just like my hernia wasn't a tumor.
Over the weekend, I surfed the Web for some information about breast
Supposedly, after a while, you get used to how they feel and you can pick up
lumps. My lump was neither soft nor hard, and I thought I could feel the bor-
on any changes, even subtle ones, when they occur. I am good at feeling other
ders on it, but then again I wasn't positive. It didn't move around, but it wasn't
women's breasts, but when it comes to mine, I just don't get it.
anchored either. In the end, the information I gleaned was neither discouraging
Boy, was I lucky, because the lump I found was not a subtle change in the
nor encouraging, but it was plentiful. It was reassuring to know that support
breast tissue. It was the size of a hard-boiled egg yolk. I now realize that I really
and a wealth of information were just a few keystrokes away. I also learned to
needn't have wasted any time worrying about how to do a proper exam, because
be very careful about putting the word "breast" in my search bar, as a few of the
this lump was so obvious as to render technique a nonissue.
hits I got were anything but clinical.
After I found the lump, I finished my shower and then surprised myself by
It finally hit me on Sunday night that I wasn't worried because I had been
proceeding with my evening plans, which did not include bursting into tears or
expecting it. My oldest friend in the world, Jessie, has breast cancer. She is
calling my mom.
doing well and seems to be winning the battle, but her fight is not cheap, nor
Lumps do freak me out, normally. I found one in my lower abdomen about
is it easy. She feels lucky to be alive, even though she has lost her job, her
15 years ago and was sure I had a tumor. I was in the bathtub after a night of
insurance and her home. She is one of the many reasons I take part in breast
merrymaking, which included countless alcoholic beverages and lots of aerobic
cancer awareness events. I should have said to the lump, "What took you so
activity on and off the dance Roar, when I noticed an alien trying to bust out
long:"'
of me via my abdomen. A nurse practitioner at the local clinic told me I had a
hernia. Big deal. You can live forever with a hernia.
Why didn't I go sick with worry about this new nugget under my nipple?
Although heredity was on my side, (nobody in my family had died of cancer), I had spent a lifetime squandering my genetic fortune by piling on the
environmental risk factors.
I smoked until I just couldn't do it anymore. I didn't quit for my health; I
quit because it was too hard to be a smoker. I couldn't smoke anywhere anymore and all my friends had already quit. I didn't want to be the lonely little
freak out on the front porch. And I didn't quit cold turkey either; I chewed
40,000 bucks worth of nicotine gum first. What a brilliant investment.
I was also a heavy drinker during several periods of my life. (I guess most
*
periods except infancy, really.) Alcohol is also a big no-no if you are trying to
avoid the big C.
Eating healthy is the best way to avoid a carcinogenic episode. I was raised
with a Pop-Tart in one hand and a glass of Tang in the other, and didn't discover
the beauty of salad until I gnawed on the vegetation in my Bloody Mary one
Sunday morning in the 1990s. I wasn't raised on fresh vegetables because we
were lower-middle class, and lower-middle-class people in the '70s wanted to
keep up with the Joneses, and the Joneses ate processed, multicolored food, so
that is what we wanted to eat. Only poor, silly farmers ate stuff that grew in
the dirt. Yuck!
These days, I paw my way through farmers markets like a pervert at a
porn convention, but I am not na1veenough to think that a few years of eating
organic and local is going to erase a lifetime of dietary sin.
The experts say that sleep is the most important component in preventing
all types of disease. But it's no use trying to catch up on all the beauty rest I've
missed, for I might never wake up again.
I have done everything to undermine my health except buy a book entitled
Growinga BreastLump for Dummies.
.\ Run-in
ith the Big C continued on page 78
Lo1:z.'~e
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Breast Cancer Ribbon
Politics VictoriaA. Brownworth
My November Surprise
What will it take to get a real progressive in the White House?
But the Democratic Party has consistently
It's a secret I and many women I know have
been keeping, but the time has come to
disappointed
reveal my big surprise. I will not be voting
2000, I felt Al Gore should have fought to be
me in the past eight years. In
Democrat in November.
president, since he actually won the election.
Clinton's
The United States isn't a banana republic; there
campaign from February through her with-
was no threat of the nation falling into disrup-
I worked for Sen. Hillary
drawal from the race in June. I worked hard,
tion while votes were properly counted and tal-
doing action alerts, writing column after
lied and the actual president was ensconced in
column, alerting the media to information
about Clinton's stances on various issues and
the White House.
Had Gore been president in 2000, I have no
calling voters in key primary states. I felt that
doubt we would not be in Iraq, even if the at-
Clinton was the best presidential candidate
tacks on Sept.11, 2001 had still happened.
In 2004, the Democrats disappointed
the United States had seen in years and I was
When
Clinton
me
again, throwing their weight behind Sen. John
excited to work for her.
came within
KerryinsteadofHowardDean.Fouryearsintothe
a hair-
breadth of winning the popular vote, but the
disastrous Bush administration, the Democratic
superdelegates went in a wave with House
Party went with the safe candidate instead of
Speaker Nancy Pelosi's recommendations
the progressive, anti-war candidate, once again
rather than their constituents: I was be-
moving to the center instead of standing firmly
yond disappointed. I was outraged, and that
to the left.
outrage did not dissipate, as I thought it
Both the Gore and Kerry campaigns were
might, after Clinton did the good-girl thing
poorly run, emphasizing defense instead of
and threw her support behind Sen. Barack
offense. Gore should have run on the progressive
Obama, rather than contest the primary out-
record of the Clinton administration, of which
come as previous candidates, including Sen.
he was an integral part. Instead, he failed to re-
Ted Kennedy, had done.
veal Bush's inadequacy, even though Bush was an
I assumed that I would feel the way I
untested, unproven candidate whose only po-
usually feel when I am at odds with the Democratic Party: disappointed, but
nevertheless aligned with them against the Republican candidate.
litical strength was the fact that his father had been a one-term president.
Kerry's campaign regrettably mimicked Gore's. He allowed the Bush
administration, which destroyed the economy and got the country into two
That didn't happen this time.
Instead, my outrage grew exponentially as each new story revealed yet an-
unwinnable wars, to set the agenda. Again the approach was defense, not of-
other of Obama's defections from the Democratic platform. First, it was his
fense. He refused to respond to the Swift Boat attacks orchestrated by Karl
embrace of the faith-based-initiatives program of President George W. Bush,
Rove. Rather than fighting the dangerous Bush team and resetting the agenda,
which has not only failed, but has been grossly prejudiced and bigoted. Then
he withdrew into an elitist funk. Once again, the Republicans seized victory.
it was his vote for Bush's telecom immunity in the FISA debate. (Clinton and
In 2006, voter disenchantment with the Republican Party caused many
other Democratic senators voted against Bush, so Obama's assertion that this
Republicans to lose their seats in Congress, and Nancy Pelosi became the first
female Speaker of the House.
was the only choice simply isn't true.) Then it was back-pedaling on his stance
on the war in Iraq and a ramping up of the war in Afghanistan.
But after a flurry of initial activity, the new Democrat-led Congress slipped
All those issues affect me politically, not personally, but when I read reports
into the same defensive mode. Fears of being called unpatriotic made them act
alleging that Obama pays his female staffers markedly less than his male staffers
unpatriotically, agreeing to many anti-Constitutional
in comparable positions, I was appalled. Then Obama, who had secured the
administration. Being the progressive party requires being progressive. That's
endorsement
a reality that the Democrats seem unable to get their collective heads around.
of NARAL
Pro-Choice America over Clinton (despite his
sketchy record on choice and her strong record on the issue), announced
that a pregnant
woman's mental
illness should
never justify
I thoroughly
understood
Clinton's frustration
demands from the Bush
during the primary:
a late-
While she voted and acted progressively, Obama talked hope and change,
term abortion.
I was never a Democrat, so my fealty to the Democratic Party was never
his first opportunity to cast a pivotal vote for progressivism and vote against
with nothing to back it up. After she withdrew from the race, he was given
as strong as it has been for others, like my partner or my closest friends. I have
telecom immunity. He didn't. While Clinton continued her progressive
always been a Socialist, and the Democrats came closest to addressing the
agenda and voted against it, Obama not only voted for it, but asserted that
social justice issues that are most important to me.
it was a good compromise, the same line anti-progressive Democrats have
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IN THE NEWS
been proffering for years.
I am just old enough to remember the real Democratic Party, the party reintroduced by Franklin D. Roosevelt and propelled forward by Adlai Stevenson,
Eugene McCarthy, Robert F.Kennedy and Lyndon B.Johnson.
I remember when being a Democrat meant being for change and actually
acting on behalf of it. The first president I actually remember was LBJ, whose
War on Poverty and programs like Head Start helped move the nation forward, out of the divides of race and class.
There hasn't been a more progressive American president since Franklin D.
Roosevelt; he not only got the country out of the Great Depression, but initiated the New Deal and other safety net programs chat would protect Americans
if we ever had a similar economic disaster.
When Clinton was running, some pundits referred co her as the New Deal
candidate with a sneer. But given the economic disaster that the Bush administration has created, being compared to FDR should not have been seen as a
negative.
I will not be voting for the Democrats this November. I'd like to, and wish I
could, but I can't. The last eight years of the Democratic Party and its refusal to
take on the Bush administration have broken my faith in it.
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Q. Cynthia McKinney. McKinney spent 12 years in the House of Representatives
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where, among other things, she was one of the few to vote against the war in
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universal healthcare and ending"Don't Ask, Don't Tell;' are similar
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Clinton. McKinney is a strong African American woman who has much to of-
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her with pride and integrity.
I won't deny that part of my decision has to do with the realization that
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I can no longer continue to vote against my own best interests. I have done
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fer the country. I know she won't win in November, but I can cast my vote for
dates are not the answer, but the past two elections, plus the current presidential race, have made me rethink that position.
The two major parties have failed a majority of Americans, but they have
failed queers, women and minorities most definitively.
You may not feel that voting for McKinney is a viable option for you, but
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I urge you to consider it. A strong showing for McKinney will add to the vi-
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ability in 2012 not only of the Green Party, but of women candidates. Clinton
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withstood a sexist barrage in the primary, and McKinney's candidacy has been
minimized on the basis of her gender as well as her party affiliation.
Like me, McKinney felt she had
to
break with the Democrats, and for simi-
lar reasons. Come November, I will vote for McKinney, and I think if every
progressive in the United States did the same-voted
for real progressivism,
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rather than the empty promise of it-we
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woman president.
Vote for yourself this November, instead of a party that has failed you.
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I will be voting for the Green Party candidate, former congresswoman
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could have the first African American
It's the only way we will ever move coward real and lasting change in the
United
States. ■
MakeChange,
NotLawsuits
NineleadingLGBTorganizations,
includingLambdaLegal,GLAAD
andthe HumanRightsCampaign,
releaseda statemententitled"Make
Change,
NotLawsuits"in June.The
statementurgesnon-Californian
LGBTcoupleswhohaveeithermarriedor planto marryin Californianot
to suefor marriagerightsnationally
or in theirhomestates,but instead
to requestthatfriends,employers,
institutionsandneighbors
respect
andhonortheir marriages.
According
to the statement,
at this stagein the
fightfor the rightto marry,lawsuits
will hurtratherthanhelpthe cause.
"Pushingthefederalgovernment
beforewe havea criticalmassof
statesrecognizing
same-sexrelationshipsor suingin stateswhere
the courtsaren'treadyis likelyto get
us badrulings,"the statementreads.
"Badrulingswill makeit muchmore
difficultfor usto win marriage,and
will certainlymakeit takemuch
longer....Andin a statewith a law
againsthonoringthe marriagesof
same-sexcouples,suinga private
employeror otherinstitutionthat
isn't partof the government
over
its refusalto honoryourmarriageis
almostalwaysa reallybadidea."
ParentalRightsGranted
to
Nonbiological
Mother
Honoring
a childcustodyorder
froma Vermontcourt,theVirginia
SupremeCourthasgranteda
nonbiological
motherparentalrights
afteran arduous,four-yearbattleonethat maynotbeoverquiteyet.
In 2004,LisaMillerwasgrantedsole
custodyof herbiologicaldaughter,
IsabellaMiller-Jenkins,
bya Virginia
trialjudge,
afterleavingher
partner,Janet
Jenkins,and
converting
to
Christianity.
The
decisionwas
reversedin 2006,
whena Virginiaappealscourtruled
that a 1980federallaw,the Parental
Kidnapping
Prevention
Act,called
for Virginiato deferto theVermont
courts.NowthatVermonthas
handeddownits decision,Miller's
lawyer,MathewD.Staver,has
declaredthatshewill askthe United
StatesSupremeCourtfor a review.
Lesbos
SuesLesbians
In earlyJune,a groupof Lesbians
fileda complaintagainstan LGBT
communityorganization,
asking
themto droptheterm"lesbian"
fromits name.Chances
are,these
Lesbiansareprobablynot cuRvE
subscribe
rs:
They'reinhabitantsof the
Greekislandof
Lesbosin the
AegeanSea,
andthey're
not happythat
their islandhasbeenassociated
with homosexuality.
Theywere
askingthe GreekGayandLesbian
Community(OLKE),
the country's
mainLGBTassociation,to stop
associatingitself with the word
"lesbian."
Oneof the plaintiffs,Dimitris
Lambrou,
wentsofar asto demand
thatthe mediaworldwidestopusing
thetermto meangaywomen."My
mother,mydaughter,
mysisterare
ashamed
to callthemselves
Lesbian,
meaningresidentsof Lesbos,"said
YiannisAchlopitas,
a Greekcurrently
residingin Montreal."Ourwomen
abroadareforcedintohiding...
youcan'timaginethe defamation." However,
OLKE'slawyer,
Themistoklis
Kefalas,a Lesbos
resident,arguedthat hisdaughter
doesn'tmindthe nameandthat "the
termhasbeenin useat leastsince
the eighthcentury."
Thesuitwasoverturned
on July
18 in a Greekcourt,whichruled
thatthe worddoesnotdefinethe
residentsof the island,andtherefore
couldbe usedby LGBTgroups."This
is a gooddecisionfor lesbianseverywhere,"
VassilisChirdaris,
a lawyerfor the GayandLesbianUnion
of Greece,
told Reuters.
"A courtin
Athenscouldnotstoppeoplearound
the worldfrom usingit. It was
ridiculous."-Kate Goldsworthy
October 2008
I31
astingAway
in Margaritaville
•One lesbian lands in Key West
and never wants to leave.
By Diane Anderson-Minshall
I'm submerged under the richest azure water I've ever seen, dozens of miles
from the mainland, and as I'm skirting shoals and sunken pirate treasure (or
at least a 1800s-era shipwreck of dubious origin), I'm transfixed by a mesmerizing array of undersea life: waves of coral around the reef, orange anemones, a
kelp-colored sea turtle scampering at the end of the reef, a greenish-blue dolphin fish turning purple with excitement at my arrival. Then I notice a long,
badass silver barracuda swimming right toward me, and I can't stop wondering, is it barracudas that are known for taking fingers and toes off divers? So,
I'm trying hard not to do anything to disturb it (for the record, barracudas are
voracious hunters, but usually only attack people when provoked).
B
I'm 70 miles west off Key West in the waters surrounding Dry Tortugas
National Park (itself a cluster of seven islands known for both undersea life
and an interesting military history), but within hours I'm back on the mainland (if Key West, Florida's southernmost island, can be called that) at a party
with a couple hundred other lesbians, crammed into Aqua, a sexy, steamy
nightclub. I'm watching singer Lori Michaels corral her "Girls"-a
trio of
fedora-topped, scantily clad, brunette dancers. The place is wild, pure abandon, and so crowded that a trip from one end of the bar to the other makes me
feel like I have been intimate with at least a dozen women.
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By the wee hours, I crawl back to Cypress House, a Grand Conch mansion
built in 1888 and still one of the best examples of Bahamian architecture on
the island. I watch the sunrise before I fall into slumber. That is a typical day
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in Key West. Except, well, as you'll learn when you visit, there are no typical
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and subtropical weather. No place in the United States feels so much like the
Caribbean as Key West, America's southernmost
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city and the closest most
of us will ever get to Cuba, which is 90 miles away. Key West is part of the
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gingerbread mansions, white picket fences, hanging foliage and the largest
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lagoons-all of it paralleled by North America's only contiguous living coral
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This page (from top): Just one of the many ways to camp in the Florida Keys; Key
West is perfect for bikini watching; an enormous rainbow flag takes over Duval
Street during PrideFest Key West. Opposite page (from left): New Year's Eve Key
West style with drag queen Sushi in a giant red heel; divers examine a sunken
ship in 120 feet of water off Key Largo.
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structures. The average temperature year-round is in the high 70s and the
entertainers are a revolving door of who's hot, Sapphically speaking. This
island is easily navigated of foot or by bicycle, scooter or the Conch Train.
year, God-des and She headlined while comic Lisa Koch brought down the
It's studded with palm trees, rainbow-colored bougainvillea, royal poinciana
house. Last year's comic headliner, Suzanne Westenhoefer, could have filled
and hibiscus blossoms. Oh, and there's tons of pirate lore and queers galore.
the Tropic Cinema several times over, and as I was leaving a few days later,
Though it has had many nicknames (Margaritaville, for example, after Jimmy
women at the Miami airport were still talking about her set.
Buffet penned the song here), many locals call the island the Conch Republic.
The whole Labor Day WomenFest weekend (womenfest.com) is a total
Conchs (pronounced "conks") first referred to the island's vast number of
babe fest with nearly every spot in town opening its doors to the lesbians who
Bahamian immigrants, but after a snafu with the U.S. border patrol in the
flood the city. Hog's Breath Saloon brings in lesbian performers, Cowboy Bill's
early '80s-in
which Key West officially seceded and declared itself the Conch
has a lesbian bull-riding contest and Camille's Restaurant and Chelsea House
Republic-it
seems that all locals are referred to as Conchs.
have welcoming parties. There are spot parties, like the Beach Blanket Butch
pool party or Pearl's Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Contest. In fact, Pearl's has
so many events-from
poolside yoga to "nurse your hangover" cocktail parties
Key West has always attracted a queer sort. First settled in the early 1800s, it
with GIRL radio-that
has been home to everyone from Caribbean pirates to Prohibition-era rum run-
adventure providers go gay too. Sebago (keywestsebago.com) hosts a women-
some women never even leave the resort. And local
ners to spongers, fishermen, wreckers, artists and gay or gay-friendly literati like
only champagne sunset sail and Fury Water Adventures (furycat.com) offers
Tennessee Williams, Elizabeth Bishop and Ernest Hemingway. Today, about
a women-only ultimate adventure (snorkel, parasail, jet ski, water trampoline)
a quarter of the city's 28,000 year-round residents are LGBT (mostly just the
that's not to be missed.
first three letters of the acronym, though) and rainbow flags are as popular here
as they are in San Francisco. It's no surprise that Key West usually ranks among
Oh, and there's a street fair that spills out onto Duval Street for a whole
day and night of dancing and entertainment.
the world's top gay and lesbian resort destinations in
surveys, but thankfully, lesbians don't seem to take a
back seat to men when it comes to tourism. The city
was one of the first in the country to elect an openly
gay mayor, the rainbow flag stands alongside the
American flag in the City Commissioner's Chambers
and the city's official motto is "One Human Family;'
proclaiming equality and acceptance for all people.
(According to our tour guide, 50 percent of the women in the police force are lesbians.) Oh, and best of all,
Kelly McGillis, who recently played Tasha's investigator on The L Word, is a part-time resident here, lending
her name to both a restaurant and the annual Kelly
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There are so many historic inns to explore-like
the
Curry Mansion Inn, the Mango Tree Inn, the'20s Art
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through April) each one of them will be filled to the
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come high season (October
gills. My vote, though, goes to two places: the women-only Pearl's Rainbow,
Other events in Key West are equally popular. On New Year's Eve (gaykey-
where the party never stops, and the gay-owned Cypress Inn, where you can
westfl.com), thousands pack Duval Street in shorts (and less) to watch as a
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lounge in lush opulence, drinking Key Lime coolers next to a 40-foot pool.
giant red heel bearing Sushi, a popular local drag empress, is dropped from
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The Cypress is casually comfortable yet luxuriant. The high ceiling fans, old-
the second story of a local club. Fireworks, confetti and endless dancing in 70
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fashioned porches and tropical gardens-and
degree temperatures sure beats freezing in Times Square. Gay Spring Break
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National Register of Historic Places-give
the fact that it's listed on the
the place an air of authenticity, as
(gayspringbreak.blogspot.com)
is a newer venture aimed at bringing lesbians
though you're really at a 19th-century island residence. Plus, you can sunbathe
and other queers the usual party shenanigans-think
Cl)
in seclusion and the complimentary cocktail hour is the best in the city. It's just
wet tees and beer bashes-while
~
a couple of blocks to the main drag, Duval Street, where many of the city's hot
fairly typical but organized by the Business Guild, the first and oldest lesbian
clubs, street festivals and other gay high jinks are located.
and gay trade association in the country. A few years ago, they carried the
z
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longest rainbow flag ever seen-unfurled,
<(
to the Gulf of Mexico.
z
~
amateur strip contests,
June's PrideFest (pridefestkeywest.com)
is
it reached from the Atlantic Ocean
~z
Sadly, you might have missed it this year, but it's never too early to start plan-
But the event not to be missed has to be the 10-day Fantasy Fest (fantasyfest.
ning to attend WomenFest Key West, now in its 22nd year, next September.
net), held around Halloween, which seems to bring out every queer's childhood
z<(
Floridian Lori Michaels is a fixture and veritable rock star and each year the
fantasies-princesses, toads, Bushettes and gnomes, oh my! Last year, Kristy from
>0
October 2008
I 35
A Shot at Love held a lingerie party and Ron Jeremy held the Pimps and Hos
party. There are endless street parties and masquerade balls and even chose
yourself. I'm certainly not the first lesbian to decide my next novel should
oft-maligned bikini contests for girls like us.
artists and writers. There's plenty of lazy relaxation to be had in Key West,
be written there while I fan myself and sip daiquiris-the
place is rife with
but the waters and the bars beckon constantly and you'll be remiss if you
miss them. Aside from Aqua, the site of the babe fest from the first night,
My trip started with a 75-minuce tour on the Gay and Lesbian Trolley (305-
, I also was drawn to the 801 Bourbon Bar (80lbourbon.com),
which has a
294-4603), which wove through town at a gay ol' pace, pointing out all the col-
world-famous cabaret with Sushi and the 801 Girls. Nothing beats hoc drag
orful stops from the historic (Tennessee Williams' home) to the most recent
queens and cool drinks except for, well, hoc real girls and cool drinks, which
(babes in bikinis at Pearl's) and with plenty of fun queer history along the way.
are on cap 24/7 at Pearl's.
Even better:'
If you're flying solo, I guarantee you won't be after chis trip. My
trolley contained 40 randy lesbians, two men and me-and,
trust me, nobody
Pearl's Rainbow is the country's premier lesbian-owned
only sanctuary with two (clothing-optional)
resort-a
girls-
pools, a restaurant, a poolside bar
and grill, great concierges ( they call chem "Pearl's Girls") and award-winning
was alone after it finished.
While the day was young and the drinks were scant, I headed into Pat
Croce's Pirate Soul Museum (piratesoul.com).
Fun for all ages-as
you don't mind explaining torture to the tykes-this
long as
darkly amusing museum
historic buildings. It brings in musicians and fitness trainers for poolside
entertainment,
throws tons of parties and fundraisers, has commitment cer-
emonies and generally offers up spring break-style fun, minus the frat boys.
offers an unparalleled collection of rare pirate artifacts, includingjournals, flags,
Did I mention chat the Icsy Bicsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Contest was judged by
weapons and gold from Blackbeard, Captain Kidd and the woman who donned
both a local Playboy Playmate and a real judge for the 16th judicial circuit:'
drag, Ann Bonney. It also has the only authentic pirate chest in the country.
Even if you don't stay at Pearl's, you'll want to play there at least a little bit.
From there, I headed to another historic collection, the Ernest Hemingway
I found it hard to be dragged away. But a romantic sunset dinner cruise on a
Home and Museum (hemingwayhome.com),
33-fooc yacht beckoned.
which boasts some interesting
Americana: It has one of only two dry cellars on the island ( the city is at sea
level), plants and shrubs not seen anywhere else in the continental United
The Islescapes Dinner Cruise (Islescapes.com) is probably the most romantic thing you can do all week. For a pretty reasonable price, Captain Alex Aller
States, tiles taken from the presidential palace during the Cuban revolution
took six of us aboard his vessel, made us a superb gourmet meal ( chink crab-
in the '30s, over 50 polydactyl cats who still live there (interesting story, look
meat portobello mushrooms and the catch of the day-visitors
it up), and artifacts from Papa's lusty life and good gay friends like Gertrude
own favorite wine) and took us out to watch the sun go down on the Caribbean
supply their
Stein. Don't miss the giant wall around the
horizon. If I weren't already married, I would
pool, which was built so Hemingway and his
have proposed right then and there. Since the
friends could frolic in the nude-and
boat left from the historic Schooner Wharf
the two
windows in it, peepholes the local men put in
Dock in Old Town, we had a chance to ex-
so as to not miss the action.
plore that, too.
A different kind of boat is also a must:
et to E
Fury Water Adventures will cake you with a
There's great island grub to be had, if you can
group of girls or all your friends for an amaz-
tear yourself away from the bars and babes
ing day in the ocean. The boats are outfitted
long enough. I'm a great lover of the local Key
with their own rock climbing walls, water
Lime pie so I ate that at every turn. My fave:
trampolines, jet skis and so much more. Sure,
Blond Giraffe Key Lime Pie Factory (blondgi-
some of the most fun was watching the girls
raffe.com) makes a frozen key lime pie dipped
who stayed onboard in bikinis with hair not
in chocolate
on a stick. Crazy. Mangoes
(Mangoeskeywest.com)
makes a mean conch
fritter, Harpoon Harry's (305-294-8744)
to be mussed, but by the end of the day I
was lobster
red, chap-lipped
and nearly
is a
comatose from an afternoon of flying in and
breakfast must and the award-winning Alice's
out of the water one way or another. Venus
( aliceskeywest.com) has a multitude of not-
Charters ( venuscharters.com)
to-be missed food like Cuban pork empaii.adas,
only snorkeling and sunset trips year-round
Queen Conch, the shrimp and scallop ceviche
too ( and, like Islescapes, lovely commitment
martini, Cuban-style mojo marinated ostrich
ceremonies).
and the cappuccino bread pudding.
offers women-
Next time I go back, I'm spending all my
time on the water, whether it's poolside at the
guesthouse or out in the Atlantic on a lesbian-
Make no mistake: You probably won't go to
friendly snorkel adventure. As soon as I got
Key West for the food or the museums or
home, I began pining for the clear blue waters
the arts-chat
of the Keys, and there's a big red circle on my
is, unless you want co hole up
in some palm-dotted
36
I curve
cottage and create it
calendar around September 2009. ■
Beautyand the Greeks
Absorbing European culture in an authentic fishing village.
By Jaymee R. Cuti • Photos by Nicola Cuti
Leafing through photo albums of past visits to Florida can leave you a bit cynical.
fishermen who supported the town, have been transformed into boutiques and
The spring break jaunts may have been titillating a decade ago, but your inter-
restaurants. Sponge diving has made a return farther off the Gulf Harbor and
ests have evolved since you won the gold for beer bonging and string bikini
many fishermen have switched to lucrative shrimping.
chasing.
You've done your sentence at the Magic Kingdom. While Orlando remains
sponge diving tours aimed to fill a junior captain's eyes with wonder. The gilded
Tarpon Springs has family appeal. The St. Nicholas Boat Line delivers
"the muggiest place on Earth;' the cost of a ticket, let alone a meal or souvenir,
fisherman's statue and sweet shops are a wholesome alternative to an afternoon
is anything but frozen in yesteryear. The degree to which inflation has struck
worshiping the Xbox. One of the most exciting attractions on the main drag
Disney World evokes concern for the livelihood of its animated residents:
is the Tarpon Springs Aquarium.
When was the last time Minnie Mouse had a paying gigf
Your vacation needs a shot of turn-of-the-century ambience without the
containing 30 species of fish and sharks, lectures given underwater by divers,
Highlights include a 120,000-gallon tank
touristy glitz that seasoned travelers desperately try to avoid.
pet stingrays and small sharks.
daily alligator feedings and a living ree£ A touch tank allows visitors to feed and
Tarpon Springs, about 30 miles northwest of the Tampa Airport, was once
You won't find a Pride celebration in Tarpon Springs, or a bar flying a rain-
a playground for the Victorian-era rich and famous from up north, and the
bow flag. Local Sapphic sisters and their gay brothers play in Tarpon Springs
quaint city of 23,000 has become an Eden for antique collectors. Jetsam from
by day and neighboring Dunedin at night.
the state's large senior population-approximately
23 percent are retirees-
make the local vintage shops a gold mine of treasures from bygone days.
But the attraction that brings many back year after year, even generation
after generation, is the town's Greek fisherman's village and sponge docks on
Dunedin's Main Street features two side-by-side queer bars-Blur
The Chic-a-Boom Room. Queer local
and
gravitate to performances and arts
openings at Leepa-Rattner Museum and the Tarpon Springs Cultural and
Performing Arts Center.
Dodecanese Street. Tarpon Springs is home to the highest percentage of Greek
Elaborate religious ceremonies rooted in the Greek Orthodox tradition are
Americans in the country.
Lining the dock is a strip of shops boasting the local wares: handmade goat's
surprisingly welcoming and inclusive to queer people. Tarpon Springs hospital-
milk soap and bath products from Getaguru Handmade Soap Company;
Millennium Travel, are currently forming a gay and lesbian tourism committee.
ity experts Lisa Warner, of Tarpon Springs Holiday Inn, and John Lulias, of
baklava and other artisan desserts from Hellas Restaurant and Bakery and,
Greek Americans from across the country join tourists at the annual
of course, shells, loofahs and sponges from Yia Yia's Gifts and Spongeorama's
Epiphany Festival in January, when the Spring Bayou waters are blessed in the
Sponge Factory (the latter harvested from waters right off the coast of Gulf
hope that fishermen will have a safe season. Young divers plunge into the gulf to
Harbor).
The shops and authentic Greek restaurants, such as Mynas Authentic
retrieve a wooden cross, symbolizing protection throughout the coming year.
Greek Cookery, grew up around a vibrant, working fisherman's village of the
Atlanta and sometimes the archbishop of America, conclude, authentic Greek
1900s. When the red tide algae bloom of 1947 choked out the natural sponges
folk music and food usher in a kaleidoscopic festival.
that were the town's economic mainstay, Tarpon Springs found a new livelihood as a tourist destination. Stores and food stands, once appealing to the
When the ceremonies, usually presided over by the metropolitan
of
Little has changed since its heyday as a sponge diving and fishing village,
making Tarpon Springs a welcoming, authentic and unexploited enclave. ■
October 2008
I 37
If you've never been to Miami, you may have gotten your image of it from TV
clothing on the beach as the restrooms are too close to the road. If you need
shows like CSI: Miami-tall
a break from the beach to let your sunburn cool off, you can take a walking
palm trees outlined against a bright blue sky,
long stretches of white sand edged by blue-green water ... and, yes, bikini-clad
tour of some of the more than 800 Art Deco buildings in South Beach, shop
women. That vision isn't far off, but it turns out the city offers so much more.
'til you drop on Lincoln Road, take a cruise to the islands or an air boat ride
The beaches and the year-round subtropical weather are good reasons to visit
through Everglades National Park. And you can also experience the look and
Miami, but they're not the only one. Add to that the hot nightlife, the authen-
feel of old Florida in Key Biscayne and Coconut Grove, and at the Europeanstyle Vizcaya mansion.
tic Latin food and the fact that the multicultural destination is so gay-friendly
it even has its own gay and lesbian chamber of commerce.
p re
tshell
After a day in the hot sun, beach-goers flock to the city's restaurants and
Miami itself is home to an international business district, a vibrant Cuban
clubs. You can find any kind of food, but Miami's significant Latin popula-
community and fascinating art and science museums, while Miami Beach-
tion makes it the best place in the country to sample authentic Cuban cuisine.
what you're often picturing from those media images-is
really a sliver ofland
Little Havana, west of downtown Miami, has lots to offer. Settled by refugees
separated from the mainland by picturesque Biscayne Bay.The hip and trendy
who fled Fidel Castro's Cuba, the area has coffee bars and restaurants, cigar
South Beach is a 23-block area with colorfully restored Art Deco buildings at
factories and streetside food stalls all with a colorful Latin atmosphere.
the southern end of Miami Beach.
Any kind of seafood is another good bet. Check out the famous Joe's Stone
Crab for something you won't find in other parts of the country. Call ahead
since it is open only seasonally.
Miami and its beaches offer every imaginable kind of lodging at a wide range
of prices, from B&Bs to high-end hotels to Art Deco restorations. Expect
After dark, Collins Avenue is awash in light-not
the bright neon of Vegas,
but Art Deco pastels. Music spills onto the street, and people are everywhere.
prices to be higher when your digs are close to the beach, when the rest of the
country is enduring really crappy weather, and when there are special events
in Miami.
As gay-friendly as Miami is, if you are looking for lesbian-only clubs, you'll
Mark's List of Miami and Miami Beach Gay and Lesbian Friendly Hotels
(jumponmarkslist.com/
gay_hotels_miami) provides some lodging guidance,
and a site like Travelocity or Orbitz is useful for recent traveler reviews.
be disappointed-there
aren't any. But don't despair. You'll find women's nights
and special events that make it a very lesbian place indeed. Many big lesbian
parties are annual charity events. These mini, Dinah-like weekend events include the Winter Party in February, the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival
in April, Aqua Girl in May and the Women's White Party in November.
Miami Beach has two main gay beach areas-though
than babes-the
you may find more boys
popular 12th Street Beach (12th Street and Ocean Drive)
Icandee Productions hosts Fuse-a
at Grass Restaurant Lounge-and
weekly cocktail, dinner and dance party
Siren dance party at the Creme Lounge.
and Haulover Nude Beach (Collins Avenue and 108th Street). Although it's
Pandora and Ultra Events also stage lesbian parties and events, including their
tolerated in some places, nude sunbathing is not legal in Florida, so you're
Saturday La Descarga, a Latin dance party at the Yuca Lounge, while She
Ventures Out offers lesbian cultural, sporting and social events. ■
taking a chance when you take it all off. If you decide to chance it, shed your
38 j curve
Deep Blue Teeth
I love watching people's expressions when I tell them I'm going
to Venice for the weekend-like I could actually afford to jet off to
Italy for two days!
Even some native Floridians forget the
small, quaint town that is about halfway between Tampa and Ft. Myers.
Many people come for the chic little boutiques that line the historic downtown area,
others for the sugar-white beaches, but the
real attraction in Venice is scuba diving for million-year-old sharks' teeth and other fossils.
Dozens of species of sharks have lived
in the Gulf of Mexico, all of whom lose and
replace thousands of teeth over their lifetime. With its eroding
coastline (with no barrier island) and a seabed that is always
churned up, Venice has become world renowned in the diving
community for outstanding fossil finds. I've dived there a dozen
times and in every instance every diver on the boat has brought
up a handful of smaller teeth, with a couple of divers finding the
prized 3- to 5-inch megalodons, or "megs." (Those come from
prehistoric 50-foot, 49-ton sharks that make the beast in Jaws
look like Hello Kitty.) I've also found ancient manatee bones,
whales' teeth, fossilized scallops and stingray barbs.
Diving in Venice is different from diving at most Florida
beaches. The visibility is never crystal clear, but it doesn't matter because you're no more than three or four feet away from
another diver who's scouring the sandy bottom for teeth and
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other fossils. The reduced visibility makes it hard to keep up
with a buddy, but you're rarely in depths of more than 20 feet,
so if you're not right next to each other, it doesn't
really compromise your safety. And because the
diving is shallow, the bottom time for divers is extended way beyond normal-I'm generally down
for 90 minutes before I even think of coming up.
Part of this outstanding experience for me
has been diving with the Florida West Scuba
School, owned and operated by Captain Steve
Thacker. Expeditions are all aboard the 31-foot
Hammerhead, a diesel-powered, U.S. Coast
Guard-certified vessel outfitted with full electronics for finding the best sites. Snacks, soft drinks, a warm-water
rinse, a sit-down head and towels are standard amenities on
every dive.
A retired geologist, Thacker knows his rocks from his bones
and will help identify almost every item brought up. But even
more importantly, he's made every effort to cater to women divers. Rental equipment specifically designed for women (not just
small men) is available, all personnel gladly provide assistance
and the "macho" attitude that often exists on dive boats is
nonexistant.
"Women divers love the water," says Thacker. "When you
make the dive more enjoyable on the surface, they will enjoy
the sport more, which benefits them and the dive industry as a
whole." -Sheryl Kay
TwilightYearsin the SunshineState
Tucked away in lesser-known small Florida towns are five groundbreaking gay
or lesbian retirement and vacation communities. By Christine Hawes
When you hear about gay Florida, the places you're probably hearing about
are the LGBT meccas of Tampa and St. Petersburg to the west (home of the
a haven of relaxation and community.
The tiny waterfront town of Gulfport might be called the grandmother
state's largest Pride celebration), or the massive gay-friendly Miami-Dade-
of the area's lesbian havens. With just 12,000 residents, this arts community
Broward metropolis along the eastern coast, where white parties, galas and
just southwest of St. Petersburg has boasted an active lesbian population
the new gay capital of Wilton Manors draw lesbians
since the early 1980s, when "you could
nationwide.
buy a house for $47,000;' remembers
But Florida has come to mean something else to lesbians around 50-the
Edie Daly.
new middle age. This group can
"They were these wonderful 1920s,
encompass everyone from retirees, to new business own-
'30s, '40s bungalows, and they were very
ers, to freshly out lesbians. To these women of the silver
attractive;' says Daly, 71, who grew up
and golden ages, Florida-and
in particular, a string of
small communities along the state's southwest coast-is
in Gulfport and returned to the area
to retire. "That's what lesbians could
buy, and they fixed them all up:' The
influx of fixer-uppers were on "Lesbian
Lane;' or what is actually 27th Avenue.
High schoolers used to call Gulfport
"Gayport;' according to a St. Petersburg
To these diverse women of the silver
and golden ages, Florida-and in particular, a string of small communities along
the state's southwest coast-is a haven
of relaxation and community.
Times article, and, at one point, estimates were that Gulfport's three square
miles had at least triple the nationwide concentration of queers.
Daly helped found a women's "web" that preceded the World Wide Web:
monthly gatherings or, "salons;' catering to every imaginable social interest,
covering a variety of geographic locations near Gulfport and St. Pete. She also
founded Womyn's Words, a print publication that continues to this day, even
though the webs and salons have stopped.
Gulfport is also home to Ricky Lewis, a retiree who founded the annual
Silver Threads Celebration nine years ago. Every year, Lewis and scores of
other lesbians over age 50 from across the nation gather on St. Pete Beach
for dances, workshops and companionship. Lewis is convinced she has helped
many of southwest Floridas retired lesbian couples find each other through
Silver Threads.
About 45 minutes south of Gulfport lies Palmetto, a small town bestknown for its concentration of Hispanic residents in an otherwise extremely
white region. Its history and its demographics would not lead anyone to consider Palmetto gay-friendly, let alone a gay retirement mecca-and
yet it is
home to Palms of Manasota, the nation's first-ever retirement community for
gays and lesbians.
There Joan Leblanc and her partner, Jean, are among about 40 lesbians
and gay men who live in small homes or duplexes, around a human-made lake.
www.glbtHistoryMonth c
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
The show is never over
for MTV's bisexual queen,
Tila Tequila.
er Shot at Love has ended and this time she
picked a girl-a
tall, sexy blonde who rejected
more I could help people. So I decided to write a book in dedication to all
my fans who are going through similar experiences.
her. While both women left the finale in tears,
You've also got an album coming out in the fall.
Tila Tequila,
turned
Yes. With the show being finished and everything, I have time to get back into
MTV poster girl, is ready to shed her trampy,
the studio, which is my No. 1 passion. And I can get back to doing music
the MySpace
superstar
vampy ways in favor of a new book, a new album and a reconnection
with her tomboy roots. But is TV's most popular bisexual the person we
thought she was? Not to hear her tell it.
again, which always makes me happy. I get to really express myself and create something from nothing, and I love it.
Is that where you feel the most comfortable expressing yourself,
through music?
Your upcoming book, Hooking Up With 11/a Tequila, will cover every-
Absolutely, because chat's how I started off I have a lot of personality, and
thing from your fame and success to your childhood. How frank do
music really allows me to write about whatever I wane, do whatever I
you plan to be in the book?
want, create different sounds and
I'm pretty frank. I don't know how else to be. [Laughs.]I think that's the best
I've always done, before all chis happened. I'm not one of chose, you know,
way to go, you know.
You sound like you had a tough childhood: trying heroin at 11, drink-
,-··riment, and chat's something that
reality show girls chat's like, "Oh my gosh, I'm famous now, let's try to do
everything I can!"
ing at 13, then juvenile detention. Are you in touch with your family?
I see a lot of descriptions of your music, like stripper hip-hop and
In and out, you know. I am sometimes, sometimes no.
'80s retro. How do you describe your music?
Do you ever worry about revealing too much about your childhood
My music is schizophrenic. [Laughs.] Because I am not like most normal
and your family?
people, I guess, and I tend to change my look a lot. I get really bored really
Sometimes. I don't mind being honest about myself. I'm very respectful. I'll
fast. I have a short attention span, and that will reflect in my record ... I just
talk about my life and what I went through, but I try not to talk about
don't feel like ... oh, let's pick out one genre and just do that. I feel like it's
them so much, because that's their privacy.
important to keep it real, and I think that fans really appreciate that. My
What can you tell me about the book?
One of the reasons why I got so big, I think, is because in the beginning I
used ro blog about my life a lot. I was very open before this TV show, and
music is honest, and I'm not trying to do it just so I can be on the radio, or
make some squeaky-clean pop record. It just really reflects on my personality. le has a lot of flavor, and, you know, you can dance co ic.
before everything else happened. And I found chat a lot of people really
You're a former tomboy. Do you ever feel like you sort of fell into this
could relate to all of my experiences, and I felt the more I opened up, the
sex icon thing?
October 2008
I 43
•• • • •
I think I did. It makes me feel very, very awkward, believe it or not. It's funnytoday I was just on TRL, and I had this skirt on and I was like, walking
•
tures my voice and who I really am. And I think people are going to be
pretty surprised.
around, and I told my manager, "God, I hate this! I feel like such a nerd. I
You actually dated girls before you ever dated boys. Will your book
can't wait to take off these clothes and put on what I really want to wear:'
go into your early experiences?
I'm about to cut off all my hair again, now that the show is done and I can
Yeah, I touch base a little bit but (I don't go] into too much detail, because I'm
do whatever I want. And I'm going back to my tomboy style.
saving all the juicy tidbits for my second book: the autobiography. It's going
Did you have to keep your hair long for the show? Was that part of
to be really amazing and profound and really awesome. And I'm hoping to
your contract, or just what you thought worked?
turn the autobiography into a movie about my life. Because I think it's so
No, I had to keep it for the show, because they asked.
profound that you'd think it was from a mov-
But it's so cute when it's short. I loved the faux
ie-that
hawk.
time to shed that A Shot at Love image and
Yeah, I hate being the sex icon. I never asked to be that,
just [go back to being] who I am. Yes, I have
I made it up-but
I didn't. It takes
and I think it sucks. I don't like being portrayed as
[had] experiences with girls, but I just feel
that or being seen as that. Because I have a lot more
like-like
to offer than just that.
like people in the media have exploited me in
I said, because of the show-I
feel
Do you think you get thrust into playing that role
the wrong way, so I hate talking about it now.
all the time?
I feel like, thanks to it, I'm just defending my-
Yeah, I do, and I hate it. I hate it! I feel like everywhere
self now, and I'm like, why should 12
I go it's like that's what (is expected]. Especially with
I do think it's easier for the public to ac-
the show, because they play you up to be this sex
cept a woman as bisexual once they've
seen her in a same-sex relationship.
You've been really sexualized in the media. How
Right.
much of that is out of your control?
You said that you want to do meaningful
I'm happy that it's over now and I get to just really show
stuff in your post-Shot at Love life.
the world who I am fully. I guess you could say I am
Yeah. When you get to a point where you're
more of a strong independent woman who likes to
just kind of prancing around and not doing
empower other women, and not ... take away from or
anything-I
degrade other women. I'm not that girl. Producers
I've done a lot in just the past year, with
do their things to produce a show, of course ... ! don't
two seasons back-to-back and promoting
just feel like I need a purpose.
have much control over what happens from there.
this show. And now that I have time off to
Do you think your fans already know the real Tila?
do what I want to do, I definitely think it's
Or do they just know your persona?
important to start giving back, and doing
I think the fans who have followed me from before the
something that's meaningful for myself, and
TV show definitely know who the real Tila is, and
you'll see glimpses of me when I do interviews. The new fans that just
not for some kind of publicity stunt. Because
I just feel like it's something I need to do to connect with how I grew up.
know me from the show ... they have the wrong idea of who I am.
I was watching a movie on the plane, and it was a movie about these kids
You probably have a pretty rabid fan base.
Oh yeah, I totally do, and I love my fans. That's the one thing that keeps me
who grew up in the ghetto; I felt much better watching this stuff, because I
feel like, OK, I'm getting in touch again with where I came from.
going when I get frustrated sometimes. I walk down the street and people
What do you want the next two years to look like for you?
get so excited and I feel like I'm here for them, and I need to get back to
I definitely want to feature in a big movie but ... no American Pie-type stuff. I
showing them that I'm still that same girl from before the show. And it
want to do something really morbid and dark and intense-very
sucks, because I am bisexual, but because of the show, I hate saying that
al. Or an action movie, because I have so much adrenaline for such a small
emotion-
now. It's like I totally don't want to talk about it ever-anymore.
person, and need to go kick some ass and beat up everyone in the movies.
You've been such a lightning rod for discussions about sexual
Something like that would be really awesome. I just want my voice to be
orientation.
heard, and be myself, and just kick ass in the next two years. And ironically,
fall in love-believe it or not. [Laughs.] ■
I think that's why I'm really excited about this book, because it really cap-
44 I curve
jersey girl
Tila dumped her, but we didn't. :
nown as the soft butch softball dyke with the thick
At this point, I don't even know what type I have. Before the show, I usually
New Jersey accent, Lisa Rizzo became this season's
liked girls with meat on their bones. [Laughs.] Now I just really go for the
sweetheart on A Shot at Love. Surprisingly, even after
person, as cliche as it sounds. I realize if I like you, I like you. I dated a little
she won every degrading challenge (hello, pig parts?),
Rizzo was booted off (perhaps because she called the
star a fake and refused to utter the other L-word). We mourned her departure.
Asian girl, and used to date big tall girls, so I don't have a type at all.
ould you date anyone from the show?
No, I actually wouldn't. I was really better friends with all of them. I wasn't
But, don't feeltoo bad for her. She now has a new clothing line, kaRIZZma, to
really sexually attracted to anybody like that. I actually did like Tila, believe
keep her hands busy.
it or not.
Is your Ii e better now, or the same, or is it crazy?
Why does a hot softball coach need to go on television to find love?
It's very different. I was coaching college softball and there is no way I
I didn't plan on finding love when I went there. I thought it was going to be a
could go back to that right now. I was actually giving a lot of softball
good time.
lessons to little girls, and it just so happens that a lot of the parents
Would you do reality TV again? Or are you too normal?
don't call me now. But I'm doing a lot for myself. I'm still doing lessons
I'm far from normal. [Laughs.] I would do it again, but I wouldn't fight for love.
with a couple girls. Doing personal training. And I'm really working on
I'm just over the fighting-for-love-on-TV thing. I wouldn't mind it if people
my clothes. And I'm working on myself. I just went through hell and
fought for me, but I'm more of an athletic girl. I would like to do something
back. I learned a lot about myself, I really did.
physical. That's more my speed.
Is six weeks enough time to fall in love?
What did the, uh, pig taste like?
[Laughs.] Well, it tastes exactly how it sounds. It tasted a little bit like tuna fish
Oh my God, absolutely not. And, it wasn't six weeks of seeing [Tequila] all the
time. The only time you saw her was when you won a date. I started really
liking her-that's
why I won all those dates. But I [was] still like, I don't
even know this girl's real last name. I don't even know her family. I don't
g
ci
I
i:E:
~
wanted us to strip down. And, when we had to wear our little-schoolgirl
short little skirts. I can't mack it to a girl in
That's why I got the boot, because I'm not
a short little skirt. Last season was much
going to say "I love you:' I have more mor-
more genuine and wholesome.
als than that. I just couldn't do it. I wasn't
Did you watch the finale?
cut out for the whole, I love you, I want to
Yeah, oh my God. I thought I was watching a
be with you, in a matter of weeks. It's not
soap opera. It was so dramatic. I was shocked
my thing.
because Kristy is a very honest person. I am
glad I left when I did, when I saw that kind
gay, compared to the other contestants.
of ending.
I do think that [everyone on the show was]
I hear you were a troublemaker in high
gay, but when I first pulled up-where
school. What exactly does that mean?
I'm from, Jersey, I mean I'd never seen
Chasing girls, pulling pranks or what?
lesbians
that looked like that. People
Growing up I was just a bad-ass, because
I hang out with have cargo shorts and
I was a tough girl. I lost my father when I
boxers under their pants.
was 4 and I grew up with a working moth-
Speaking of fashion, what gives with your
er and it was me and my brother and sister.
clothing line?
I like cool, funky, rough-like,
strong pieces
I was at the time. That's what I knew, was
of clothing, and I never found any like
to be that tough girl. So I did. I pulled the
pranks. I was voted class clown, which is
[We] fended for ourselves and that's who
that. I like the rocker style, that indepen -
0
season seemed to sexualize Tila. Any thoughts?
Yeah. It started the first night I was there and we had to go in the cage. They
know what she looks like in the morning.
Are you this season's Dani? You "look"
~
with dog crap. It was disgusting. I don't know why I did it.
Thi
dent feel, and I figured I'm going to do
my greatest achievement.
this. I have a great fan base. [The line is]
Who do you want to date?
called kaRIZZma,
I really like LC [Lauren Conrad]
and I'm starting slow,
from
The Hills. [Laughs.] I usually like girls that
just with T-shirts.
Are you dating?
pretty much have some morals to them,
No, I'm not. I'm single.
but are sexy. A lady in the street and freak
(/) What kind of girl a
you attracted to?
in the bed. ■
October 2008
I45
loadedthingto say, but I don't likelabelsat all.
Maybe you'llhelp me figurethis out,
becauseI thinkI'll be asked this again.
borderland between northern Mexico and Texas, Kirshner says she felt a sense
of powerlessness.
But don't think for a minute that everything in Kirshner's world is dark
and depressing. The woman whose star has been on the rise since she first
"I sort of came full circle with the book ... in terms of being really energized
stunned audiences as a young stripper in Atom Egoyan's Exotica, cemented
to do it ... working on the book, and being totally disempowered and then feel-
her provocative reputation as a dominatrix in Love and Human Remains. She
ing like, OK, I can't do everything, but this is what I think I can do. I can do
also appeared as a bisexual terrorist in several episodes of 24, showed off her
my best;' she admits. "The communities we go into, I would hope-I
think-
comedic chops (and lesbian kissing) in Not Another Teen Movie and played
when somebody feels ... cared for, it just makes them happy and listened to:'
Heather Graham's BFF in the queerish Miss Conception. And of course, there
In her first foray into writing, Kirshner is always cautious about how to
label herself. In a world where Angelina Jolie made humanitarian work among
refugees the hip thing to do, Kirshner worries about being seen as just another
actor jumping on the bandwagon, merely to garner publicity. But, she says her
travels weren't easy. Since she was doing this largely without the support-or
security-of
is TheL Word and the role that made her a household name ( albeit, a hotly
debated one).
While on The L Word set, she and the cast goof off, play pranks on each
other and meet up for beers after work.
"Last year, Kate and Leisha stuck fake
an organization, Kirshner found herself illegally crossing bor-
silicon breasts on the headlights of my
ders and walking through war-torn cities, sometimes without bodyguards.
SmartCar, which I drove around a couple
weeks because I didn't notice;' she says,
But meeting refugees this way made it easier to get them to open up to her
and share their experiences.
Using the first person throughout, Kirshner retells the refugees' stories
laughing conspiratorially as she shares her
in a journal that contains mini comic books as well, an ode to Kirshner's
around with the same thing on her car
love of graphic novels. This makes the book unique. 'Tm not a journalist and
right now:'
I'm not a trained writer. There's no byline on any of the pieces ... so it really
or myself. I just felt like the book was supposed to
While she plays Jenny, arguably the
least popular character on the show,
could be anybody-you
form of revenge. "Kate is actually driving
represent an intimacy. My partners and I felt like a journal sort of suggests
Kirshner doesn't let the occasional flak
intimacy and closeness:'
Both journalism and humanitarian work are disciplines Kirshner is famil-
from angry fans get to her. She sees Jenny
iar with. Kirshner's father and many of her friends are journalists; her mother
but one that she enjoys doing.
as a job-a
special kind of job, no doubt-
teaches refugees. And the Canadian native is no stranger to painful events.
"I understand that she's not a hero and
She comes from a Jewish family that bore witness to the Holocaust and expe-
I understand that she's a troubled charac-
rienced diaspora. "We sort of grew up with not knowing what really happened
ter;' she says. "I think she's entertaining. I
to the family;' she says. "That really (is] haunting all of us, and I'm sure that's
mean ... she's a human car crash:'
why my father became a journalist. That stuff was thematic growing up:'
Season six is a complete mystery to
her, as is her next big career move. With
While she is quick to say that that her life is nothing like those of the
people she interviewed, Kirshner feels an emotional familiarity with them.
"We're all displaced and are refugees in a sense;' she says of her family.
''.And it's an issue that I'm interested in, and has, at times, changed my life. You
realize after the fact, when you look back at years in the past, you realize how
quickly that time passed. And I just felt like ... I'm basically floating through
things and I better start changing the way I live, so that's sort of the evolution
the I Live Here Foundation growing, Kirshner says that she loves acting
but will need to find work that can accommodate her commitment to the
foundation.
"I love to act and it's a pleasure for me to work on something I'm passionate
about;' she says. But don't expect Kirshner to get on a queer soapbox.
"I realize this is a loaded thing to say,but I don't like labels at all.I don't know,
of the book:'
The book focuses mostly on women and children, and Kirshner worries
maybe you'll help me figure this out, because I think I'll be asked this again:'
Labeled or not, the actor has another book in the works. Called I Love
that it will be marginalized because of it. She says she dislikes using certain
Here, it will be about how people love, and through the foundation she plans to
words-activism, inspire, humanitarian, even feminist.
"Those words shut me down, because I'm a pretty cynical person and it
launch another creative writing program in brothels along the Thai-Burmese
feels like you're being talked down to. So I really tried to use language I felt
Kirshner, the sixth season of TheL Word marks a time of transition.
would appeal (to people] who are as cynical as I am:'
border, not to mention traveling the country on her upcoming book tour. For
"It's the beginning of something, not the conclusion;' she says. ■
October 2008
I 49
o/;v;a net.uton~john
We've always loved her. Her new lesbian role in Sordid Lives reminds us why.
In the 1970s, she was our Aussie sweetheart, with a string of soft rock songs like
fun role to play.
"Have You Never Been Mellow." Then came the hit film Grease, the cult smash
You've been public about a lot of the health issues you've dealt with,
Xanadu, the sexiest MTV video of the '80s ("Physical"), and this sweet power , from your own cancer to your daughter Chloe's eating disorder. For
someone who was so private once, you seem to be very public about
balladeer was cemented in American pop culture history. Though she never
stuff now. Was that an intentional change on your part?
stopped working, a brief hiatus to battle breast cancer (today she calls herself
The breast cancer I've always been open about, since about five years after I had
a "thriver;' not a survivor) took her our of the spotlight. When she returned, it
it, because I thought it could help people. And I didn't come out with them
was with a new mixture of abandon and clarity. The woman who once hotly
for any other reason, really. Because I am still private about my real private
debated lesbian rumors now thrives on playing a sexy-as-hell, guitar-toting,
life, but those are things that couldn't really be hidden. When you have an
trailer-hopping lesbian on Logo's new hit series, Sordid Lives. She's embraced
earing disorder it's pretty obvious to the world, and she was suffering with a
her queer fans (witness her apperances at gay Pride celebrations in Sydney and
lot of attention, so it was actually her decision to talk about it, because she's
Los Angeles) and created a virtual anthem in the song "None of My Business
recovered and doing really well, so she wanted to try and help other girls.
(What You Think of Me):' Despite her years as an entertainer, it's her role as a
health activist that may change the most lives. -Diane Anderson-Minshall
I know there's a theory that we don't know how much strength we
have until we're really tested. Does that match your experience?
I love Bitsy Mae, the whole lesbian, gum-chewing, beer-swilling,
Oh yeah, I think that's entirely true. I have a friend who's going through a
ex-singer thing. You have said that she's a little bit like Sandy from
really difficult breakup at the moment, and I was telling her, "You don't even
Grease, but gone terribly bad. How did you learn to inhabit that role?
realize who you are or what you're made of. You will grow from this-you
Once you don the gear and read the lines, it just falls into place. I don't
always do."And I remember when I first went through breast cancer, one of
know how I found it, bur I did. I guess there's a part of Birsy in
my best friends' husband called me-he's
me somewhere. [Laughs.] Ir's game playing, you know. Ir was a
he said, "Congratulations, now you will grow:' And it was a
a Buddhist-and
very interesting thing to say to me and it always stuck in my
head and it's absolutely true.
At the time, did it ring true, or did you just want to
slap him?
I would say that it rang a bell somewhere and I thought,
"Wow, that's an interesting thing to saY:'You always think,
wherever you are in your life, that you've arrived. And inside
your head you look back and realize you didn't know anything. And I think as you get older you realize how little you
know. You're always learning something.
You've juggled a lot in the public eye and I know you don't like
"survivor"-you're
a thriver, a fighter. What stopped you from retreat-
ing in all these situations?
Well, I think we all retreat for a certain amount of time, and I did. Bur there's
always that little inner voice that keeps me going. There's a bigger picture
and there are things I have to do, and even in the depths of despair I always
had that little voice that kept me going.
On the walk to Beijing you went through deserts and snow and walked
alongside Olympians. What was that experience like for you?
Oh, that's very hard to explain in a short interview. Ir was incredibly challenging, emotional, difficult, inspiring, to use a few expletives. Ian Thorpe, the
famous Olympic swimmer, arrived and his luggage was lost, and he ended
up walking the wall for about 12 miles in his socks. I think he's probably
started a new world record. There were some ex-Olympians and a few that
were pretty young yet, so it was amazing-it
was a lot of things.
Was it life altering for you?
Yeah, I think it was. I think that every time you do something that pushes
you to a limit and that challenges your every fiber, it is in some way lifechanging. Ir's true, it's changed me. I couldn't put into words in what way,
but in some way it has, yes.
50 I curve
Can you tell me a little bit more about the Olivia Newton-John Cancer
important. You don't use your bare hands, you use this aid, which makes
and Wellness Center?
your fingers like a magnifying glass and makes everything appear bigger so
I was approached about five years ago by the Austin Health Hospital in
that you can feel changes in lumpiness, or if you find a suspicious lump you'll
Melbourne, Australia, where I grew up, and they said that they wanted
find it more easily-smaller
to raise money for a cancer center. The government's given them enough
is the answer, because I detected my lump early and I think that's one of the
money to build a new hospital, but not a new cancer center. I went to see,
reasons that I'm so fortunate to still be here. But a lot of women are very-
and I was in such terrible shape, but I agreed to help them because I could
I've discovered from all my travels and talking to a lot of women-they're
see that the patients were being shuttled from one building to another in
very uncomfortable examining themselves, because they're scared they'll
lumps feel bigger. I believe that early detection
a van to have treatment. I said that I'd be willing to lend my name to help
find something, which is a very interesting human thing. The truth of it is,
raise the money if they would include a wellness center-something
the earlier you find it, the better chance you have of recovering. (The Live
I would have liked when I was going through cancer-to
that
have inside the
Aid kit) gives you a little barrier between your hand and your breast. Maybe
hospital grounds. And that little seed of an idea has grown into part of what
people feel more comfortable doing it that way as well. And it just makes it
the center will be now. I'm going to bring in the thought that instead of the
easier and it's just something to get in the habit of doing. As women become
cancer center it's cancer and wellness. Let's work toward wellness and away
more familiar with their breasts, they'll find those changes more easily.
from cancer. We'll have the most wonderful state-of-the-art hospital with
Breasts are, in popular culture, subjected to a lot of mythology and
all the best and most modern Western treatments. We will also have the
scrutiny. I know that it used to be such a huge issue when women
Ludwig Institute within the hospital, so that the
had to talk about breast cancer
patients and researchers can integrate and discuss
surgery. Are there more women
clinical trials in one place, because usually they're
coming out now about having
in different buildings in different towns. And the
had reconstruction and having
wellness center will be on the ground floor, so that
mastectomies?
before and after treatment, outpatients can go and
Yeah, I think that 15 or 16 years ago
have some kind of therapy or treatment, or a foot
when I had breast cancer, it was awk-
massage, or yoga. I want to include ... body, mind
ward to talk about. I mean, I hardly
and spirit.
liked saying "breast:' Now I'm very
comfortable with it and it's not any-
Are there other types of these centers around
the world? Are there other centers that you can
thing that's unusual. Our society
model after?
has changed so much as well, and
No, I think that's the point. We are the first, I believe,
I think that it's a really positive and
healthy thing that we're now able to
that will have all three things in one center. I want
to change the paradigm of how cancer is treated-you
treat the whole per-
talk about it, because it saves lives and it's just part of our anatomy and we
son and you give them this place to go while they're going through treat-
need to talk about it. I remember meeting a girl a few years before I had can-
ment. Because I remember I would go to a doctor's office and then you
cer who called it "the big C:' That's how it was, how people called it-you
leave, and then what do you do:' And one of the girls who did the walk with
me who had breast cancer-I
think she went through it twice, actually-
know, like, hush-hush. But not anymore, thank goodness.
Breast cancer is a huge issue for gay women, because we do have
said that she would leave there and she would go home alone, because her
proportionally higher rates of diagnosis. What kind of advice would
husband was at work and her friends were not available, and she wouldn't
you give to somebody who doesn't really know how to protect herself
know what to do with herself. She said she would love a place to have gone
in a situation like that?
where she could've had a little nurturing and a cup of tea and talk to other
I wish I could say there was a way, because you know, I didn't drink and I don't
people while she was going through the treatment. So that's been my dream
smoke, and I ate well and I exercised, and I got breast cancer, so I don't know
and it's going to be a reality.
how to say protect yourselves except those things obviously are a good help.
I wonder how it will affect having the research wing there, where you
Omega- 3s are called essential because they're essential for health. Vitamin
actually have patients in the same facility, because one of the things
Dis important, and I'd say if you're genetically predisposed to it you should
that we've heard about research trials is that they're so clinical that
be more aware. But I really think that the environment we live in is so pol-
they get detached from the people who they're testing.
luted now and we have so many problems on the planet that are obviously
Exactly. And that's what's going to be wonderful. They're going to be able to be
causing these increases in cancer in every area of the body, that we should
hands-on with doctors and the patients as they're going through the tri-
just be smart and self-examine, so that if there is anything wrong you catch
als. That's what the heads in oncology there are very excited about as well.
it early-that's
(The people at] Ludwig are really amazing, they're already doing designer
and healthy attitude and all that, which of course helps.
really my best advice. Apart from all the positive thinking
treatments for people and they're having some wonderful breakthroughs,
Many of your films are cult hits-Grease, Xanadu and even Sordid
so I'm hoping I can announce something major in the next year or so. So
Lives. Do you think under all that wholesome charm you are just a
it's very exciting.
quirky girl who always picks quirky projects? Or do you have any idea
Tell me a bit more about the Live Aid, the breast self-exam kit. How
that they are going to become huge?
did that come about?
Oh gosh no, of course not. All those years ago, I couldn't have possibly known.
Live Aid is fantastic and that is going to be launched later in the year. We're hav-
In fact, the movie wasn't a big success. The album was. At the time, the movie
ing a major launch of it in October. It's a wonderful thing. I've been involved
really didn't do very well, because it wasn't a great movie, but the dancing and
with this aid for quite a while and it's an amazing thing. It's a professional
the music were good, I think that's what's held it together, and now the dia-
and simple way for a woman to do her own breast self-exam, which is really
logue has become kind of camp, you know:' So I think that's what happens.
October 2008 \ 51
There's one story I really love about how
beth 3ra.nt
you first recorded ,:Physical" and then
called your agent afterward and said, "Oh
Discover why she's Hollywood's low-profile darling.
my God, don't put that on the album."
Well no, [I said) Don't put it as a single. I was
just freaked out about it.
And do you still have those doubts now
Bech Grant has been in countless movies and television shows; however, she continues to maintain a low
profile in Hollywood. Now, she's a star in SordidLives:The Seriesas a chain-smoking, pill-popping Southern
about what your fans will accept?
spinster-a
No. I was just young and freaked out about
what it stood for at chat time. Now I
spending time in the shee~s with another leading lady, or kissing Michelle Pfeiffer. -
wouldn't. If I'm playing Bicsy I don't chink
I can worry abouc"Physical:' [Laughs.]Ir's a
whole new world.
role chat she perfects. Luckily for us, chis straight woman confesses chat she wouldn't mind
ColleenM. Lee
I honestly could not tell that it was you as Sissy Hickey.
Del [Shores) said one of his editors said, "Where did you find that woman?" and he said, "That's Bech
Grant;' and he said, "What:'" And I was thrilled. I said, "Oh my God, that's so exciting:'
There have been rumors that you might be
You grew up in the South. Are these characters fairly accurate, or more like caricatures of
gay and Sordid Lives creator Del Shores
the South?
said that playing a lesbian onscreen was
Oh, they're very accurate. Now, it's West Texas. My character is very much based on my grandmother,
the surest way to dismiss them.
[Laughs.]There were rumors years ago when
who was an Alabama-born and -bred woman. And there are some that are very particular to the way I
grew up, for sure.
I was younger, and I've noticed that it hap-
,, I\dJ·ust
pens to just about every female pop star.
You've got quite a resume.
love
You've been in everything from
to do a whole
Se>< MOV;e w:th
So you know I was way up there, it was the
normal thing. Bue in chose days it wasn't
A
something that was so open and talked
r(
about and everyone would have been cool
-,1..-,1..
nneL. Le
B
•
Friends to Jericho to movies
like No Country for Old Men and
,,
enn, n_:}
·
with. Then it was kind of hard, and now it's
kind of fun to play the lesbian.
Did you worry about those rumors when
Little Miss Sunshine. And let's
not forget Child's Play 2.
I had a great death scene in that.
/
How do you choose the roles? Do they come to you and you're
like, I'm just going to play it?
you were younger?
I mostly take everything I'm offered, but I've turned down a few
Ir's so long ago, I can't really remember.
things. I know once they asked me to eat a dead body, and I said no, I
I thought it was kind of strange, I
can't do that. At the time I was a vegetarian, so I potentially couldn't
couldn't figure out where that came
do it. I do get offered horror movies because of my archetype. I'm
from. I was married, for goodness' sake,
happy to play an evil person.
I had a child and I couldn't figure it out.
I'm assuming that you would probably kiss another woman
And now you could care less?
on screen.
Exactly.
I would. Woo! Michelle Pfeiffer comes to mind. I'd just love to do
That's either age or success.
a whole sex movie with Annette Benning. She is the greatest living
I think age. Wisdom, I suppose, is the
proper word for it.
actress we have today. She was robbed (of) her Oscar for [2004's]
BeingJulia. I did get to play her lover in Running With Scissors.We
You performed at Los Angeles Gay
didn't kiss. I got cut from the movie. But I rescued her from chat guy,
Pride this year. Was that something
and then we had another scene where we were in bed together, hold-
that you could have seen yourself
doing 20 years ago?
ing hands and asleep. But they cut the whole part from the movie. So
we didn't kiss, bur I did get to hold hands with her.
Oh, probably not. Bue I don't chink they'd
You worked with Rue McClanahan on Golden Girls.
ask me, I was too busy raising kids and
How was the chemistry between you two after so
doing chat kind of thing then. I did
Mardi Gras this year for the first time
in Sydney and it was just a blast. I had
such a good time.
many years?
I love her so much. I also worked with Rue in a revival of Picnicat
the Ahmanson here in Los Angeles. She was a best friend co me.
I had had a fantasy when I was a little girl of going to Mardi Gras,
I used to sing and cry over your songs
which I still never have done, and the kids would go and they would
"Sam" and "Please, Mister, Please." I
bring home these glass beads, and incidentally I mentioned it co her
would love to go back to tell myself not
when we were talking. And for opening night-and
to cry-what
break, by the way-I
would you like to go back
it was my first big
had done a little bit but it was my first real job
and tell your younger self?
chat was going to last for three months. And opening night, Rue gave
Oh goodness, that's a deep question. I have no
me these beautiful crystal beads. And I will never forget. She doesn't
idea. Oh relax, probably. Don't worry so
even remember it. She's a very generous person onstage and in life, and
she'sjust fabulous. ■
much. ■
52 I curve
J-lle
The sex-crazed golden girl goes good-deliciously so.
She is absolutely adored by gay men, but Rue McClanahan-who
is per-
coffee:' She had so many disappointments. She didn't trust her luck. She
haps best known as sexpot Blanche Devereaux on The Golden Girls-could
didn't trust the quality of [the show]. Nobody knew it was going to be
be a lesbian's best friend. She played one on stage in the early '70s (before
groundbreaking, if it is in fact. I don't know. It was groundbreaking because
it was a safe career move), and is all for our right to marry. Her recent por-
it was about four older-three
older-women
and a mother.
trayal of Peggy Ingram in Del Shores' Sordid Lives: The Series shows that this
Are there any shows today that are confrontng important issues?
golden girl still has the spunk to entertain and amaze, while staying humble.
-Colleen M. Lee
No, there aren't. I couldn't name any. I think Scrubs is one of the best comedies,
about what he's learned from his experience-what
the episode shows.
That's a nice series. I
How did you get involved with Sordid Lives?
I got a script from Del, I read it and I said, "Oh, my God, this is good:'
Everybody he's hired to be in it knows the material so well. We all relate
to these people.
/
Since you're working with all these well-known actors, and of
course, you are so well-known-are
you all getting along?
Yes. Del is responsible for hiring good people, and putting us
together. But it is sort of a-you
never know what you're
with a lovely philosophy behind it. [Zach Braff] narrates it, and he tells
~~
It needs to be
le3al/zed. I ./"'ally
bel/eve that ....
Marr/a:3e /s a l/.f"'elon.3 reld/onsh~-"
guess I've done things right in my life and now life is just
vision standards
have
reached as high as
Norman Lear reached,
as high as Golden Girls
reached.
You've written a
book, My First Five
going to get. When you go into a series or a movie or
something, you don't know what's going to happen. I
don't really think tele-
Husbands and the Ones That Got Away. You clearly believe in
marriage. What's your take on same-sex marriage?
I think it's a good idea for people who feel that way about each oth-
giving me good rewards.
You played a male-crazed single woman on The
er. Because I believe that unions and support and companionship
Golden Girls, and now you're playing a woman having
and love are vital to it, and vital to creating a family, a family unit,
an affair with a married man. Would you ever play a
lesbian in a movie or on a show?
Oh, I've already done that. I played a lesbian in
adopting children, or having children, in the case of lesbians. You need that legal protection, so that you
are the first-the closest one-if someone had
a play in 1972. It was a little-known play, it
to go the hospital, or someone, maybe someone
didn't run very long, but it was very interest-
dies, and there's a question of property or child
ing. I took it because I wanted to see what I'd
custody. You know, you need that protection. It
do. I think I brought it off. The name of the
needs to be legalized. I fully believe that. I truly
do. Because that's what marriage is, it's a life-
play is God Says There Is No Peter Ott.
If you could choose any role, what would
long-or
hopefully lifelong-relationship.
Is there anybody you would like to work
that role be?
Well, there isn't one anymore. I've already
with that you haven't?
lost the age where I could have done
I would like to work with Anthony Hopkins.
Billie Dawn in Born Yesterday. That's a
You've gotten many wonderful reviews
role that I should have done somewhere
about you as Madame Morrible in Wicked.
along the way and didn't.
So is this the cherry on the cake?
So your roles have been on groundbreaking shows-Golden
in the Family-which
Girls, Maude and All
collectively tackled
You never know what any one audience member is going to think, and that's really all a
reviewer is-one
opinion. But he has all that
huge issues of race and class, feminism,
power, really. All that influence. So when
sexuality, aging. Did you know that each
you get a good review, it's always greatly
series was going to be important?
appreciated. I was so pleased. I was a replacement, and I wasn't sure they'd even give
No. I knew Maude, for instance-I
knew
it was going to go on. I expected it to get
picked up every year, which it did, because
it was so special. Golden Girls I just knew
was a winner. I always knew it. Betty [White]
me a review. I'd even forgotten about that.
Thank you for reminding me.
So you don't take a good review for
granted?
always believed we'd never get picked up for
Oh, no. No. No.
another season. She'd [gasps], and I'd say,
You have to stay humble.
"Betty, for God's sake, wake up and smell the
Well, you have to stay realistic. ■
October 2008
I 53
C-a.ro/,'ne rhea.
Can you believe she's not gay?
She's a self-confessed girl's girl, and will easily admit
I never have.
that she would kiss one of rhe women on Grey'.s
Given the chance, who would you kiss?
Anatomy. Caroline Rhea replaces Delta Burke as
the horny trailer-trash neighbor Noleta on Sordid
Lives: The Series, but she also doesn't mind dis-
cussing the constant media attention about
her weight and her confusing backstage experience with
Hmm. I'm going to ... I'll have to think about that.
We're going to revisit that question. You've
been on The View a few times. Is it actually the
powder keg that we all hear about?
I had a funny experience last time I was on because
I was wearing a very low-cut dress ... ! was sew-
Barbara
Walters on The View. -Colleen
ing it up, and we were in a meeting and Barbara
Walters looked over at me and she said,"You have
M.Lee
to sew that dress up. TI1e cleavage is too long:'
You take over Delta
And I'm like, "OK, do you think I'm just hold-
Burke's role as Noleta in
ing a needle and thread in my hand, hoping to
Sordid Lives. Did you feel
puncture some part of me? Like, that's what I'm
any pressure taking over
doing!" I don't know what it is-maybe
that role?
are so uncomfortable and that's it. I was riveted
I did! But I think she and I are
the chairs
when Rosie was on. I watched every day. I was
such different animals. She's a
dying to see what she said.
glamour girl. I don't think, if it
hadn't been as well-written, it would
have been possible to jump in.
A lot of attention has been directed
at you for being on Biggest Loser,
and it seems like you're constantly
under the gun about your weight.
When I started doing stand-up I felt free to
discuss weight. [It's] one of those issues that
~✓
When I started
do/n.9 stand-a? I
.f"'elc-f"'reeto disc_uss
t.ue,jht. CIt \SJ one
o.f"'those issues that
t.uoMen bond over.··
women bond over. What really pisses me off
is, I look back and we had the meanest costume designer in the world on Sabrina. And
You hosted a late-night talk show. It seems
she was constantly telling me how fat I was. And
there's more pressure for women on a talk
I look back and I'm like, "I was skinny. What was
show than for men.
wrong with your"
I agree. And for some reason, women are only sup-
You've mentioned Sabrina the Teenage
Witch. It appeared to at least some in the
lesbian community that the show was giving
posed to do daytime and men do late night, which
I find completely irritating.
Do you have an opinion on why that is, other
props to lesbian parenting.
than the obvious?
When RuPaul came on the show, he said, "I love this
There are just a lot of men making the decisions.
show-you
two lesbian aunts and the drag queen
They want ocher men. They believe that it's col-
cat."We got an award in England because we were
lege students watching and men laugh at male
same-sex parents.
humor. Bue I disagree because when my talk show
ii
I think you are to lesbians what Kathy Griffin is
was on, it played at 12:30 at night. We had tons
if)
to gay men.
of women and I loved it because many of these
That's the best thing anybody's ever said! I've never
women would be like, "We're post-menopausal
thought of that, but I would love to be that. What
I have noticed lately is that when I do stand-up I
have a lot more lesbian audience members. [I'm
a] girl's girl.
So when's the last time you kissed a girl?
and we can't sleep between these hours and we
love che face that your show is on:'
Anatomy. ■
Sarah Ramirez
CJ
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Back to kissing a woman.
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w
LJ..I
LJ..I
from Grey'.s
(/)
z
z
]!
w ing Girls
We were tempted to call this section The 13 Coolest Jobs We've Heard
Of, but decided "cool" was in the eye of the beholder (or, in this case,
the reader). This year, instead of issuing our annual report on LGBTfriendly Fortune 500 companies, we've pulled together an in-depth
report on real lesbians in the workforce. More and more employers
are pulling out all the stops to woo us (two of our faves: nap rooms for
employees and the ROWE system, a results-only arrangement whereby
employees are free to come and go whenever they please). But being
gay in the workplace still creates hurdles for some. We hope these stories inspire you with the ways in which other women have taken matters
into their own hands, navigating the world of work on their own terms.
:t.,.-·ugGirlS
-wor~1
Onthe Clock
W
HETHER
YOU work in the boardroom or the mailroom, on the
advice. "Sit outside the company and look at who walks out at the end of the
sales floor or the production line, there are a few things every les-
day. Is it a diverse group? If so, are they segregated or integrated?"You can also
bian should know about equality in the workplace. We asked two
ask to speak to a few current employees. Ask the person you'd be replacing
experts for advice: Selisse Berry, founding executive director of Out & Equal
why he or she is leaving; and ask your soon-to-be coworkers what they like
Workplace Advocates, a nonprofit dedicated to advancing LGBT workplace
about the company. "A prospective employee should ask about the company's
equality, and Kirk Snyder, the author of Lavender Road to Success: The Career
domestic partner benefits, support of employee resource groups and possible
mentorship opportunities;' Berry advises.
Guide for the Gay Community and The G Quotient. Making the most of your
9 to 5 might simply mean recognizing the strengths you bring to your current
company, or it might mean finding a new employer who already knows how
beneficial it is to have a diverse workforce.
Conductthe interviewon yourownterms.
Everyone hates job interviews, but even if your nerves get the best of you, don't
let an interviewer draw you out or put you on the defensive about your per-
Dowhatyou love, but understandthe biggerpicture.
sonal life. "Regardless of a person's sexual orientation, it is not legal to ask an
"Lesbians can be found in all professions and in all industries, though some
applicant if they are married or what their spouse might do for a living;' Berry
industries are more welcoming than others;' says Berry. Having a feel for
advises. If you are asked questions that make you uncomfortable, keep it posi-
what your industry is like as a whole will give you some context, making your
tive and professional. Berry recommends saying something like, "I understand
career decisions easier. Snyder identifies technology, entertainment, education
the question, but how does my relationship status affect my job performance?"
and human resources as sectors that have historically been lesbian- and gay-
or ''I've been in a committed relationship for years, but I would rather focus
friendly. But, he cautions, you don't want to make assumptions."The key is to do
on how my skills will benefit the company:' If you've done your research and
your homework and find out what the internal reality is for the company itself'
found that the company is probably lesbian- and gay-friendly, then you can
Fit with the company,not just the job.
out of it, they won't either;' says Snyder. 'J\nd if it does make a difference to
So, you've just landed the perfect job, and you're thinking you've got it made.
them, you want to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction:•
relax a little. "People will take their cues from you. If you don't make a big deal
Well, think again, and take a minute to ask yourself, Is this a company I want
I
Be yourself,andthe rest will follow.
work for? Do they make a point of hiring and supporting a diverse workforce? Is their workforce in favor of diversity? "The 'right fit' oftentimes deter-
To come out or not to come out-that
mines the success of an employee;' Berry cautions. It can be hard to know
self every time you start working somewhere new. Ideally, this shouldn't be a
whether you've found the elusive right fit, but Snyder has some practical
quandary at all, but for many lesbians coming out at work just isn't an option.
to
56 I curve
is the question you probably ask your-
Someemployersevenadjusttheir employees'salariesto
offset the tax liabilityincurredby domesticpartnerbenefits.
"You never want to come out if you think it may cause you physical harm;'
ity incurred by domestic partner benefits. "For example, if an employee pays
Snyder warns. But, living in fear that you might slip and say something about
$3,000 in taxes as a result of domestic partner benefits, the employer increases
your girlfriend is not the way to be happy in your job. "It's important to bal-
the employee's salary by $3,000:'
ance personal integrity and authenticity with your professional goals;' Berry
says. The experts agree that you will probably be happier and more successful
if you can be yourself at work.
Bringyourcommunityto work.
"As companies start to embrace diversity in all its forms, lesbians will naturally
be attracted to organizations where they can bring all of who they are to work.
Trustyourintuitionanddo whatfeels right.
Studies show that LGBT people are attracted to companies that actively
So, you've decided you want to come out at work, but you aren't sure how to
recruit within the community, support LGBT organizations through corpo-
do it. If you are still at the interview stage, you can ask questions that "leave
rate giving and advertise in LGBT publications;' Berry says. If your company
the closet door wide open," says Berry. Something like, "Do you offer domestic
is lagging behind on equality issues, you might be able to jump-start its diversity
partner benefits?" Or, if you've already been hired, you might tell your cowork-
by taking the initiative. "There are so many great organizations, like Reaching
ers directly, or you might decide to be more relaxed about it, mentioning your
Out MBA and Out & Equal, to get involved in. Provide your employer with all
partner or community in passing, without making it a big deal. Take your
of the information and ask if you can represent the company;' Snyder suggests.
cues from how your coworkers act and choose a strategy for coming out that
"One great thing to do is present your company with facts about how increased
suits you.
diversity leads to increased profits. At the end of the day, money talks:'
Understandwhyyou are an asset to the workforce.
Understandwhat "equal"reallymeans.
Being a lesbian is a professional strength, not a weakness. "In general, compa-
"Employers are required by federal law to have an Equal Employment
nies from various industries have learned that cutting-edge innovatiot: results
when people from diverse backgrounds and varied experiences come together
Opportunity policy, but at this time sexual orientation is not included;' says
Berry. "It's paramount that Congress enact-and the new president sign into
to solve problems;' Berry says. In addition, Snyder points out that the personal
law-legislation
attributes you've developed by living as a minority can translate into valuable
all members of our community are protected;' she argues. Don't just take what
that includes both sexual orientation and gender identity, so
professional skills. "When you live in a world that still requires lesbians and
they're giving because you're working for a living. You can help make the daily
gays to create their own unique path, you develop a set of life skills that are
grind a little less grueling by using your vote to support equality. According
to Berry, "Today, more than 98 percent of the largest companies in the U.S.
tremendously valuable in today's world of work. From problem-solving skills
to a greater sense of intuitive awareness, being different can set you apart in a
positive way when you place yourself in an environment that affirms who you
are as a human being:'
Be sureyouremployer'snon-discrimination
policyisn'tjust talk.
"The gap between having non-discrimination
policies in place and enforc-
ing them is the biggest problem we face;' says Berry. Not all employers hold
themselves to the equality standards they post on their websites, and not all
coworkers adhere to the guidelines set out in the employee handbook, so you
probably won't be surprised if your company's stance on equality issues turns
out to be hype. But Berry recommends a few things you can do to improve
workplace culture: "Employees can seek out straight allies to advocate on their
behalf or request HR to host diversity training like that offered by Out &
Equal's Building Bridges Diversity Training:'
Stayon top of the latest benefitstrendsandmakethe most of them.
A happy employee is a productive employee. According to Berry, more and
more companies are seeing the light and supporting their employees with
comprehensive benefits packages that include items like flexible schedules
(including telecommuting), LGBT-specific mentorship programs and Family
Medical Leave Act (FMLA) benefits for domestic partners. She says that
some employers even adjust their employees' salaries to offset the tax liabil-
include sexual orientation in their Equal Employment Opportunity policies:'
It's officially a trend; now let's work toward making it the law. ■
:1r·ngGirlS
worD-1
Headwayin MotorCity
Meet a lesbian who is part of the new wave of diversity at General Motors.
By Kelsy Chauvin
HE REALLY digs her job. She's only 30, but Roberta "Birdie" Ball,
a quickly changing marketplace, GM is adjusting its approach to designing
who works on the line at General Motors, is already a true maven
and manufacturing automobiles while intensifying the way it markets divi-
of Michigan.
sions and vehicle brands to appeal more strongly to African American, Asian
S
Ball is following in the footsteps of her father, grandfather, aunts and
uncles who devoted their lives to the auto industry; however, this legacy only
partly explains why Ball is so totally gung-ho about her work.
American, Hispanic, LGBT and women consumers:•
The good news is, the marketing lingo manifests itself in reality. GM is one
of the largest employers of African Americans in U.S. manufacturing. Latinos,
"I produce what America drives;• says Ball. "People tend to have miscon-
Asian Americans and women serve as some of its top corporate executives and
ceptions about the auto industry. But GM is making some of the best prod-
board members. And, since 1999, GM employees have joined "affinity groups"
ucts in the world and doing it right. It's not just about buying American, it's
that help the company make policy improvements and lead to professional
about buying a great-quality produce:•
growth for their members, all in the name of parity. Among chem are groups
A conversation with Ball on the subject of building cars yields many statements like this. She is a great advocate for chis hardcore American industry,
and she has no trepidations about being a woman-much
an-in
less an out lesbi-
a traditionally male workforce.
for people with disabilities, Middle Eastern Americans, Asian Americans
and veterans.
GM is ramping up both its employee and customer equality campaigns to
include the queer community. GM PLUS, the LGBT affinity group, is 220
Ball began her GM career straight out of high school. Starting as a con-
members strong; it facilitates discussion between employees and executives,
tractor with one of the Detroit plants, she soaked up everything there was
and was instrumental in securing companywide domestic partner benefits and
to know and in a matter of months was hired as a body shop supervisor in
anti-discrimination
Hamtramck, a Detroit suburb. Now, as a paint supervisor, she leads a team of
policies.
GM PLUS has also been a catalyst for the company's ongoing queermarket pursuits, the most recent of which was its collaboration with Logo to
produce a new Cadillac and Saturn ad series timed to appear during the New
York Auto Show. In a way, the ads are an outgrowth of the 1995 Saturn campaign that placed the first automotive print ads in LGBT magazines.
Meanwhile, GM is fighting the good fight on the political front and
investing in partnerships with gay-rights advocates like the Human Rights
Campaign. Through
the HRC,
GM joined
the Business Coalition
Workplace Fairness to help pass the Employment Non-Discrimination
(ENDA). Together with 51 ocher major U.S. corporations-from
The Gap to Goldman Sachs-GM
for
Act
Google to
petitioned Congress to pass ENDA, and
to include sexual orientation and gender identity.
For Ball, successes like these are just icing on her big, auto-loving cake.
Regardless of the progress her company makes or the benefits they bestow,
Ball's directness makes her a quintessential role model for shy queers. Indeed,
she would have been an outspoken proponent of gay and lesbian rights in
any era.
'Tm totally out;' she says. "Never been in. I don't know how to be. I
work better being out. I chink chat's the only way to make things better-by
being yourself'
She admits that her generation is privileged to be out without even chinkabout 50 union workers at the Orion plant, where she seals and colorizes the
Chevy Malibu and Pontiac G6.
Her honesty, however, hasn't always been well-received. Underhanded
Despite how seamlessly all this has transpired, Ball's acheivements are
remarkable nonetheless-particularly
ing about it, without the societal pressures chat kept past generations closeted.
in a company with a 5-to-1 ratio of
men to women, and with the majority of those women in clerical jobs.
But her career path reflects a steady trend at GM, where diversity initia-
com-
ments from past supervisors created rifts; Ball, of course, dealt with chem
head-on. Today, she admits chat her own negative experiences on the line
have prepared her to quickly spot biases among the GM workers she super-
tives for queers, women and minorities have become integral to the LOrporate
vises. She tries to address chem before they become a problem. Not chat it
always works out.
mission. According to the company's diversity website, "To keep pace with
"You can't always gee through to people, so I just tell chem, 'We're respon-
ss I curve
DownWith
the OldGuard
sible for a job. We don't have to like each other;" she says in the matter-offacc tone chat has made her an unofficial GM spokesperson.
As the only female among her department's six supervisors, Ball is
proud co see several trends chat are strengthening her company. She says
GM recruiters are now seekingjob candidates from a wider field than ever
before, leading
to
less quota-filling and
to
a more well-qualified workforce.
Internally, there is more on-the-job training,
to
invest in workers and
promote from within. And on a personal level, GM is subsidizing Ball's
undergraduate education at Wayne Scace University, where she's studying
business management.
Ball is also glad
to
see the paint shop turn "green"as part of GM's larger
environmental initiatives. The building itself is becoming more energy
efficient, recycling is widespread and the water runoff inco the plane's surrounding forests is kept clean. Alternative fuel systems also are making
more of an appearance in GM products, which now include hybrids (with
recyclable batteries), and biofuel-powered and fuel cell electric vehicles.
But deep in Ball's heart, building cars and trucks is where it's at. She
rolls into work every day in her navy blue 2000 GMC Sonoma tru.:k,
ready to do her part to build solid vehicles. An avid hockey player and fan,
she's developed the work ethic of a professional athlete: Gender, age, skin
color and sexual orientation don't matter-getting
the job done is all chat
does. ''I've always been in male-dominated fields," Ball says. 'Tm used co
breaking in, then fitting in. I'm a big believer in 'Don't fight the system,
work ic:" ■
Reducingthe CarbonCarprint
z
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sz
§
<(
LU
:J
~z
True to its green mission, in 2008 GM/Chevrolet
launched Project Driveway. The program introduces
the Chevy Equinox Fuel Cell electric vehicle to
families through a free, three-month test drive. More
than 100 of the zero-gas, zero-emission Equinox
sedans are being loaned out through the program,
and participants are being asked to blog about
their experiences- and of course to feel free to brag
about their minimized carbon footprint.
"Our goal is to get Equinox Fuel Cell test drivers
that are as diverse as America," says Travis Parman,
GM's LGBT media relations manager. "And since the
LGBT community tends to have a lot of early adopters, we wanted to reach out and encourage LGBT
residents to apply."
Drivers in Washington, D.C., New York City and
Los Angeles are eligible, since they're nearest to
fueling stations.
Sketcha timelineof the most
mismanaged
worldeventsof
thepast30 yearsandDana
PIcore'slife storywill run
parallelto it in at leastthree
places.At 19, whenmostof
uswerechasingourcollege
crush,Picorewaslivingin a kibbutz
nearthe Lebanon-Israel
borderduring
oneof the mosttumultuous
timesin
the region'shistory.Tenyearslater
shewasa memberof the LosAngeles
PoliceDepartment
duringthe L.A.riots.
Andin 2005,shespenttwo weeks
sleepingona hotelroomfloorm New
Orleans
whileleadinga securityteam
in theaftermathof Hurricane
Katnna.
Picorehasa historyof takingthe
unconventional
path so it comesas
nosurprisethat sheIsthefounder
andCEOof PicoreWorldwide,
the
onlyall-womansecuritycompanyin
the UnitedStates."Aboutsix months
afterthe nots,I thought,I reallyneed
to startmycompany,"
saysPicore."I
wantedto addressissueslikethe riots
or schoolandworkplaceviolencein a
morecreative,contemporary
fashion."
Whatdoesa galwhowantsto
breakintotheno-girls-allowed
world
of bodyguards,
surveillance
andthreat
assessment
dofirst?Shegetsa Ph.D.
in clinicalpsychology.
"Traditional
securitycompanies
arestill all about
bruteforce,"saysGemmaBenstain,
COOof PicoreWorldwide.
"ButDana
givesit this differentperspectiveHer
background
in psychology
reallygives
a humansideto things.She'slikethe
Oprahin the securityworld."
P1core
maynothaveMs.Winfrey's
international
followingOustgiveher
a few years).butthetwo dohaveat
leasttwothingsin common:
thegift of
gabandthe propheticabilityto know
whatpeoplewantbeforetheyknowit
themselves.
A focusoncommunicationandrelationship
buildingalso
setsthe Picoregroupapartfromother
male-onlycompanies.
Picore'seschewing
of brawnin
favorof a morecerebralapproach
mayseemavant-garde,
butsheactuallydrewinspIratIon
froman ancient
source:the sixth-century
bookTheArt
of Warby Chinesemilitarystrategist
SunTzu."Ourtag line,'Theintelligent
approach
to security,'is bornfrom
SunTzu'sphilosophy,"
saysBeristain.
"Oneof the mainstrategiesin the
bookistheablilityto subdueanenemy's
armywithoutlayinga fingeron
them-that ideaof intenseplanning
andcommunicating
is reallyourkey
to runninga successful
operation."
Andtheyknowa thingor two
aboutsuccess:Since2005,Picore
Worldwide
hasgrownby leapsand
bounds.
They'vemorethandoubled
theiryearlyrevenueandthey'vegone
fromsmall-potatoes
jobsto servingasthego-tosecurityservicefor
celebritieslike PaulaAbdulandevents
liketheGrandPrixAutoShowand
the BETAwards.Thisyear,Picorehas
alreadytackledLongBeachPride,a
three-dayeventthat attractednearly
100,000peopleandrequiredalmost
200securityworkers-all personally
interviewed
by PIcoreor Beristain.
"It
wascriticalthat eachguardhavea
certainlevelof sensitivity,
because
thispartywasfor the [gay]community," saysBeristain.
"Wewantedto only
brmgin peoplewhohavethattactand
kindnesstowardthem."
Picore'sknackfor alternative
thinkingwasevidentto Beristain
whenthe pairfirst met,at a security
convention
in LosAngeleseightyears
ago."Youcouldcountthe women
there[ononehand],"saysBenstain.
"ButherecomesDr.Picore-with
that title-mto a securitymeeting,
andimmediately
I thought,Sheis a
commodity.
Shehasthis gift of being
ableto conveycomplexthoughts
with easilydigestibletheories."But
menin the industryweren'tas open
a femalepresence,
regardless
of
h strengths.Whenaskedif they
oftenthinkaboutbeingwomenin
a typicallymalefield,Picoreand
Beristainsay,almostin unison,"How
canwe not?"Womenarestill seenas
weakin this lineof work,saysP1core.
"We'restill stereotyped;
we'restill
reallyfar fromhavingequalground.
Therearea lot of mythsto overcome,
but our clientsarethe onesthat
aremuchmoreopen,muchmore
contemporary.
Theywantsomething
different.Andoncethe wordspreads
aboutPIcoreWorldwideandthe type
of workthat we do,we'll startto
changethe mindsof thosewhohave
beenskeptical."- BethDreher
October 2008
I 59
Nowit's HammerTime
A lesbian craftswoman opens her workshop. By Lina Swislocki
Brenda Hall, the craftswoman
behind H&L Woodworking
(hnlwood-
working.com), has faced her share of challenges trying to build a name for herself
Doyouthinkthat's affectedat all by Ikeaandthe like?
Oh, certainly, yeah. They make a good product, especially for the price. You
in the industry she loves. Since she began her career in furniture building, she
can't compete with that. I mean, we've done dining room tables for $20,000,
has found that in an industry dominated by men, respect has to be won, and
and the average person cannot afford that. I just did a piece that sold for
it's a particularly difficult challenge as a lesbian. Undaunted, Hall made her
$6,000. It's for my gay interior designer in the city, whom I love to death.
success by starting her own business building and staining originally designed
Doyou buildthingsbesidesfurniture?
and custom-made furniture.
Oh, yeah. I just started doing that. Furniture, kitchens, bathrooms, sculptures.
Tellme a little bit abouthowyou got into woodworking.
Since I was a little kid I always liked putting things together, from like, even 5
years old. My mom has stories of me building little boats in the bathtub.
In my 20s, I went to work for a pipe organ builder and worked in a cabinet
shop, and that's where I started to get a little more professional training in
woodworking and finishing, but before then I think the first real piece of
furniture I made [was when] I was a teenager. It was a bunk bed. And it
did actually work, which was amazing-it was very crude and primitive.
H&LWoodworking-what
do the 'h' and 'l' standfor?
Hall and Lebeda. Lebeda is my partner's last name. I wanted to call my business by my name, of course. But, there's a lot of [buyers] that see a woman's
name and could be turned off by that idea.
Youdo finishing.Is that like painting?
No, actually, stains. And I created my own stains for the job I have right now.
That's what I do. I make the colors and I apply them and all the different
lacquers, oils, whatever people want on their furniture.
You'rea realpro at finishing.Whyis it so rareto find a finisher?
Woodworkers are petrified to do it-to
That'sa prettycooltalent. I'm jealous.
Thanks. I'm tryin'. I make jewelry as well-like
bracelets.
wooden watchbands and
Doyou havea preferencefor workingwith bigpieces or small?
I kind oflike the bigger pieces. I have some pieces at home that ... don't laugh
but I want to sculpt a naked torso in it.
Dothe menthat youworkwith knowyou'rea lesbian?
Everybody knows I'm a lesbian. And we all talk about women together. The
guys that I work with are great. Very supportive. They love it. I mean what
man doesn't love a lesbian?
Doyou miss havingcontactwith morewomenor morelesbians?
I definitely would like to have more contact with more lesbians. I've always
worked with men ... I'm used to it. I wish I worked with women but there's
just not that many [that]-whether
a finisher. No one wants to finish.
you're a man or woman-want
to be
Why?
stain. So that's one thing that's kind of
It stinks. It's a time consuming job to put a finish on a piece of furniture.
given me the edge with my furniture, because I can stain and most people
Doyou feel like you haveenoughtime in the dayto get thingsdone?
can't. And I can make my own colors, which is why I got the job [I'm work-
No. I wish I had more time to do what I want to do, instead of what I have to
ing on now]. Not many people want to do it. It's really hard. It's a dying art.
60
I was actually going to go turn stuff tonight. Turning, on a lathe, like bowls
and table legs, things of that nature.
I curve
do. But I don't have enough clientele to make that jump. Yet. ■
Backto the Land
This novelist discovered that green acres is indeed the place to be. By Catherine Plato
IKE MOST Americans, Catherine Friend spent a good
Moon Farm in southeastern
part of her life happily eating meat, never questioning
fully balancing the financial necessities of run-
where it came from or at what cost. But when her part-
ning a small business with their deep-rooted
ner decided to pursue her longtime dream of owning a farm and
concern for their animals' well-being. Though
raising sheep for meat, Friend had no choice but to start paying
Friend describes herself as shy and doesn't con-
attention.
sider herself an activist per se, her dedication
L
Minnesota, care-
to animal welfare and to keeping consumers
"For me it's all about the animals, because I am a farmer
and I raise animals for meat," writes Catherine Friend in The
informed would make most people say otherwise.
Compassionate Carnivore. Her latest book is an account of the
Friend took some time off from her full schedule
injustices done to animals and consumers by large, conventional
of writing, chasing sheep and shearing llamas to
farms. It chronicles her effort to farm compassionately, and it
talk a little bit about her life on the farm.
gives tangible advice on how to eat a responsible carnivorous
diet. While herbivores and meat-eaters alike may be surprised that a sheep
Doesbeinga lesbiancouplemakeyouunusualamongyourcolleagues?
farmer could be so invested in the welfare of the animals she will eventually
I was working with a mentor on my memoir, and when she wanted me to dive
take to slaughter, Friend insists that her concern is not uncommon. "Farmers,
deeper into the difficulties of being an out lesbian in a rural area, I couldn't
especially small ones, care deeply about their animals;' she says. "You have to
think of any. We must be doing something wrong, 'cause no one has ever
love animals. It's so hard to keep them healthy and keep them alive, you've got
given us a hard time. The shepherds we've met, all heterosexual couples
to just love animals:' However, she clarifies, loving animals and loving meat are
in rural Minnesota, welcomed us into their group with open arms, and
not mutually exclusive.
have been helpful and supportive all along the way. We know many farm-
Friend is a self-described "lifelong reader and writer" who's penned six
ers around us who don't seem to be bothered. I don't know if it's because
children's books, two nonfiction books and two adult novels (including a
Minnesotans pride themselves on being polite, or if we are totally boring,
swashbuckling lesbian pirate series from Bold Strokes). She never imagined
or what.
she would someday own a farm. But in the mid 1990s, her partner, Melissa
When we started, it was sometimes hard to get businesses that catered to
Peteler, a conservationist, decided to become a farmer, and Friend found her-
farmers to take us seriously. But we've been doing this for 13 years, and we
self being dragged along for the ride. It took a little convincing, she says with
pay our bills and are part of the local economy and the local community, so
a laugh, but "not as much as it should have:' The story of Friend's transition to
farm life is documented in her best-selling 2006 memoir, Hit by a Farm.
Thirteen years later, Friend and Peceler are still raising sheep on Rising
it's no longer a problem. We've proven we're serious about this.
Does farmingfeel like moreMelissa'sprojectat this point, or wouldyou
say you'reequalpartners?
When we started, it was pretty equal because neither of us knew anything.
Because we started the farm totally from scratch, both of us needed to
be out there, figuring things out as we went. I spent all my physical and
creative energy gec_tingthe farm started, which is why I was "hit by a farm:'
After about five years, once the farm was up and running and Melissa had
gotten really good at everything and didn't really need me out there every
day, I pulled back so I could start writing again.
Youmentionedthat Melissadoesmoreof the dirtywork.Whatjobs doyou
absolutelyrefuseto do?
I draw the line at sticking my hand up inside an animal. I must also confess
that I prefer not to deal with the gross stuff, like lancing boils or stitching
up an animal's wounds. Melissa always wanted to be a vet, so she's fully
embraced that part of farming. I'm not going to even start listing some
of the amazing and scary and gross things she's done to keep our animals
alive and healthy.
What'sthe hardestpart of yourwork?
Contrary to what most people think, taking the animals to the processing
plant is not the hardest part. This only happens once or twice a year, and is
soon over. The hardest part is dealing with the chaos chat can come from
living with animals, and being so affected by the weather. You just never
know what each day will hold. At least we are never, ever bored out here.
One person told me it changed his life, which might be a little dramatic. But
people are really connecting with the humor, the stories about animals,
Andwhat's the best part, or the most rewarding?
my message of going slow and making small changes and with the idea
Feeding baby lambs, having them follow me around the yard, then fall asleep
chat they can make a difference. The most negative have been from a few
in my arms. After a few days, we sell these "bottle lambs"
other people
fairly militant vegans who've never even looked at the book, but believe
who have the time to feed them three times a day, and while it's best for
that carnivores cannot in any way be compassionate. Instead of harassing
me that way, it's always a little hard to see them go. I usually have 10 bottle
farmers who raise 70,000 animals a year, they're giving a hard time to a
lambs every spring. We always pull the smallest triplet and feed her our-
small, sustainable farmer who raises 70 animals a year and shares many of
to
selves, since out on grass the mother will eventually be unable
to
feed all
their concerns about animal welfare. Go figure.
What'syour favoriteanimal?
three when they get bigger.
The most rewarding? Seeing our animals grow strong and healthy just from
I love sheep and how they smell when you put your face close co theirs. We
eating grass on pasture. Watching the young ones run around the pasture,
have four 2-month-old
hopping and kicking and obviously feeling happy and safe. When your
way the barn smells now. I've clearly been on the farm too long, because I
sheep feel safe, you know you're doing a good job. Also rewarding is the
love the smell of manure and hay and straw. I love climbing the ladder up
feedback from people who buy our meat-they
into the haymow, where our three cats sleep; it's such a cozy place. At the
love how it tastes, and they
are so grateful the animals had good lives.
steers chat spend nights in the barn, and I love the
risk of sounding totally out of touch with the rest of the world, my idea
Whatkind of feedbackhave you been getting about 'l'heCompassionate
of a nice, romantic evening is to sit outside with Melissa drinking Mike's
Carnivore?
Hard Lemonade and watching the sheep and cattle graze. ■
DoI Heara HundredDollars?
Mostfirst-timersat a charityor art
auctionwouldprobably
notknow
whatto makeof LauraMichalek.
They
wouldexpecta middle-aged
manin
tweedsat a podiumwitha gavel,not
a bouncybrunettearmedonlywith
a microphone
andwearinga stylish
business
suit.
Michalekis a graduate
of the
Missouri
AuctionSchoolwhich
Newsweek
namedthe"Harvard
of
auctioneering."
Alongwitha quick
wit,a strongbusiness
senseanda
naturaltalentfor selling,Michalek
bringsyearsof charity,nonprofit
and
art auctioneering
experience
to the
auctionssheleads.
Beforeplungingintotheworld
of auctioneering,
Michalek
enJoyed
considerable
success
withherstore,
Standard
Home.
Thestoresold
Michalek's
pickof vintagemodern
furnitureSheclosedIt downafter
a successful
12-yearrunto focus
moreon herauctioneering
career.Of
herpassionfor interesting
vintage
modernfurnitureshesays,"I wouldn't
trademyfreedom,
thebeautifulold
thingsI regardandsell,the knowledgeI haveor thecompany
I keep
for a millionbucks"
Michalek
bringsa senseof I,umor
anda vibrantperformance
styleto
auctioneering
thatdrawsthecrowds
andsellslikenothingelse.KIk,
McKinnis
of theSOILArtCooperative,
whohasworkedcloselywithMichalek
for a numberof years,saysthat
Michalek
"makesheraudience
laugh,
shemakesthempayattentionand
shegetsthemto spendmoney
... they
comebecause
herauctioneering
is
entertaining
andfun."
Mostpeopledon'tunderstand
thatauctionsarehardworkandthis
worksometimes
beginsmonthsin
advance.
Michalekhasputtogether
a bookletthat instructsfirst-time
auctionhostson howto set up a
successful
event,as a supplement
to the auctioneer's
trainingcourses
sheteaches.
M1chalek's
clienteleincludes
organizers
of largecharityauctions.
artgalleries
suchastheSOILArt
Cooperative,
schoolssuchasGage
Academy
of Art,andcommunity
projects,
especially
thosepromoting
women'srights.Shesays,··1tendto
doa lotof artauctionsbecause
of my
background
m thedecorative
arts,and
thefactthatI ama patronof thearts
andcaredeeplyasto how
artistsarerepresented
when
theirworkis beingsold.''
Asa lesbianbusinesswoman,Michalekrecognizes
theimportance
of involvementin thecommunity
andtriesherbestto give
whereshecan.Asanactive
memberof Washington
state'sLGBT
community,
Michalekworksonnonprofit
andcommunity
projects
andis alwaysreadyto help
outwhereshecan.In May2007,
sheauctioned
art piecesfor the
Tacoma
LGBTCenterat its OutforArt
exhibition
andauction,whichenJoyed
resounding
success.
Michalekrunsauctionsfor about
50 organizations
eachyear.Onein
particular
thatstandsoutfor heris
HomeAlive.theSeattleself-defense
nonprofitMichalek
sayssheenjoys
thistypeof work.' Themoneywe
raisemaintains
andincreases
the
numberof servicesHomeAlive
provides.
It'ssimpleandclearand
necessary."
MIchalek's
currentproject.The
LibertyBall,is a charityfundraiser
auctionthatwill beheldat theSouth
LakeUnionNavalReserve
Building.
Luxurygoods,fabulousvacations
and
stunningjewelrywill beauctioned
off
andtheproceeds
will goto NARAL
Pro-Choice
Washington.
Theballwill
beheldon Oct.20,butanonlineauctionwill runfromSept.5 to Oct.16
Youcanfindmoreinformation,
bidfor
auctionitemsonlineor buyticketsto
theballat prochoicewashington.org.
Michalek
s company
organizes
charityauctionsfromtheplanning
stagesall thewayto thecheckout.
Sheoffersguestsandbuyersan
unforgettable
experience,
andforthe
organizers
sheensuresa smoothly
run.profitableevent.-Talia Philltps
October 2008
I63
:\.,-··ngGirlS
-wor~1
What DoYouDo?
One Hollywood producer shows us her job description.
J
,D. DISALVATORE isn't your average 40-something lesbian. She's the sexy beast behind
thesmokingcocktail.com, an iiberpopular queer entertainment blog, and an in-demand
Hollywood producer. She's produced several gay films, including Eating Out 2, Shelter,
Gay Propaganda,HBO's Reunion and Neurotica,and was once the manager of Outfest: The Los
Angeles Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, the city's oldest continuously running film festival.
She's often asked, "What does a producer dot She says, "Since no one has the appropriate
opera music to play to cue my response, I usually just sigh:'
But for those of us who really want to know, Disalvatore offers a partial list:
Findgoodscripts(this
taskresembles
any
IndianaJonesmovie
whenhe'slookingfor
buriedtreasurewhile
beingchasedby Nazis).
Tellthe agentsto getoff
yourbacksinceyoustill
havethosedigitalphotosof theirBJat Mike
DeLuca'slastparty
(insertBryanSingerif
you'regay).
Trynotto sayanything
whenyourstudioexecutivesays,"No,I'venever
heardof CitizenKane."
yourleadactorfindsout
abouttheSAGclause
thatstateshedoesn't
reallyneedto do nudity,
regardless
of anyother
signedcontracts.
Tellyourdirectorof
photography
there'sno
you're
moremoneyin the bud- Telltheteamsters
Convince
someone
with
getfor thatdepartment. onlyshootinga $40,000
Tellthestudioexecumoneyto investin the
miniDVfilm withmoney
script(forreference
look tivesthey'reprettyand
Telltheartdepartment yourmomgaveyou.
up"dogandponyshow" smart.Theylikethat.
there'snomoremoney
in Webster's).
Sinceyourdirectordoes
in thebudgetfor them
Smileandnodwhen
knowCitizenKane,
studioexecutives
give
Listento a director
remindhershe'snot
Tellthevisualeffects
younotes,generally
throwaroundphrases
department
there's
OrsonWelles.Butif
like"myvision,"usually tryingto changeyour
nomoremoneyin the
she'dliketo be,remind
tonedpoem
witha requestfor some pensively
herof the hubristhat
on socialinequalityinto budgetfor them.
profoundly
expensive
leadto "WeWillSellNo
anduselesspieceof
a musicalversion
WineBeforeItsTime."
Hearmore"my vision"
of Porky's.
equipment.
whenthedirectorwants
Sendexpensive
bottles
Smileandnodwhenone "onelittlescene"and
Trynotto developa
of yourinvestors
insists "onlyneedsit shutdown of liquorto the buyers
Xanaxaddictionwhile
at all thedistribution
on havinghisor her
for a few hours,"referwaitingfor yourfundringto LAXontheFriday companies.
boyfriendin the movie.
ing to dropinto your
of LaborDayWeekend
bankaccount.
Holdyoureditor'shand
Listento thedirectoryell
Repeatto yourself"I
duringthefirstthree
Findyourscreenwriter andscreamwhenyou
weeksof postasthe
at noonfacedownin a
passtheabovemessage will notcry" whenthe
driverforgetsto engage directordoeshercut,
glassof ginat Musso
alongto her.
the emergency
brake
whilereiterating,
"I
andFrankmumbling,
know,you'llgetit soon
Hireeveryone
andnego- andthe entireprop
"They'reruining
tiateeveryone's
contract truckslidesoff the cliffs andyou'llbeableto do
myscript."
it right."
of MalibuCanyoninto
(whichis whymyhair
the ocean.
is gray).
Askyourlawyerto ask
Persuade
yourdirector
theirlawyerwhatit
Explaincalmlyto your
notto cutoutall the
Listento moreof "my
felt likewhenhissoul
sceneswiththeactor
vision,"witha requestto directorthatwhenyou
slippedoutof hishead
whowouldn'tsleepwith
shutdownthestreetsof askedfor a "better
andwhatis wasliketo
heronset.
downtownLosAngeles character
arc,"thatdid
actuallymeetSatan.
for a full day.
notmeanaddinga boat
Trynotto developa
to thescript.
Telltheactresses
they'repretty.Tellthe
Sendexpensive
bottles
Xanaxaddictionwhen
actorsthey'repretty.
of liquorto all your
Trynotto developa
youfindoutyourinvesvendors.
Xanaxaddictionwhen
tor's boyfriend,
whoyou
64 I curve
putin the movie,hasrun
off to Mexicowithone
of theotheractorsfrom
theset.
hookerscandaljust prior
to yourfilm's release.
A
photograph
with Paris
Hiltonis alsoa plus.
Tellyoureditorto
removeall thescenes
fromthefilm with investor'sboyfriend-andthe
actorheranoff with.
Stronglyimplyto your
prettiestactorthat he
"dropthesoap"when
hehand-delivers
the
previewDVDof the
movieto PerezHilton.
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internyouhaveto the
Sameat Kenneth
Chateau
Marmont
Turan'shouse(head
bungalows
andpullyour reviewerat the LA
composer
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is duenow.
Sendemailsto reviewGetthe audiencedrunk erswhopannedyour
on champagne
at your
film,askingthemwhat
first screening-prior,
the highestgradeof
of course.
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theycompleted.
Tellthefilm festival
programmers
they're
Trynotto fall into
pretty.
alcoholism
whiledealmakingat Sundance,
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Toronto
andCannes.
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yourfilm printcomes
Allowa gaymagazine
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backwiththeentire
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just
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for thefreepress.
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-,
A BreedApart
These women are top dogs. By Kathy Beige
OGS AND lesbians: They go together like sneakers and socks, hippies and hemp, sex toys and lube. It makes sense, then, that there's a
plethora of lesbians who breed and show their dogs.
D
Molly King never intended to be a dog breeder. It all started with a move
to the country outside of Ottawa, Ontario. All alone in a big house and 10
acres of property, she wanted a dog for protection. "I didn't think a schnauzer would cut it," she said. "So I decided I would get a Doberman:' That was
1992. Since then, she's gone on to be one of the top breeders of European-style
Dobermans in North America.
After falling in love with her first dog, she visited a breeder in France and
came home with two dogs to start Monaco Kennels. Besides being known for
protection, King said, "I like the way Dobermans look. They're all muscle and
they run like the wind:'
King worked in sales before she quit her job last July to dedicate all her
time to her dogs. "This has been a dream of mine for I don't know how long,"
she says. "It's not work. It's not a job. It's a passion:' In addition to breeding
dogs, King also runs a boarding kennel and dog training school.
At 58, King occasionally wonders how long she'll be able to continue to
work with dogs. "Sometimes I think, In another 10 years, am I going to be able
to lift 45- or 50-pound bags of dog food? But as soon as I get those thoughts
in my head, someone will send me an email or send me a picture and say,
'Thank you so much for these creatures that have brought our family so much
fun and joy: That's what keeps me going:'
Although she continues to breed, King, the founder of the Ottawa
Amazons Motorcycle Club, decided to quit showing dogs-an every weekend
commitment-mainly
so she could be a part of her lesbian community. ''I've
championed my dogs. I've been to major competitions," she says. "As a lesbian,
I want to do other things than sit in some park in a trailer. I want to be able to
be active in my community:'
Unlike King, Joy Brewster was born into the dog show world. Her mom
bred and showed Great Pyreneeses and her sister, Japanese Chins. Brewster,
one of the top dog handlers in the country, has been showing dogs for more
when she was home from college and in need of a job. Since she was an animallover, her grandmother suggested that she find out if any kennels needed help.
That summer job led her to change her college major from healthcare to animal
sciences and set the rest of her life in motion. When she graduated from college
she went to work for Brewster and then started her own business in 1988.
Now Burke and her partner, Kathy, run Kindred Spirits Dog Handling.
Burke has made a life for herself as a professional handler, showing her own
than 60 years. Now 68, she had her first
champion at age 7, an Italian greyhound
who she bred.
Since 2002, Brewster has been a dog
show judge. Although the process for
becoming a judge is tedious, it's a natural
progression for her. As a judge, her job
is to evaluate dogs against one another
and against a written standard. "It's all
an interpretation of words," she said.
For example, a breed standard might
say the skull is broad. "Well, broad in
the bulldog is quite different than in the
Dalmatian," Brewster explains.
Kitty Burke, 51, however, has found
her community in the dog show world.
She started working with dogs in 1978,
WhereArethe EntertainingWomen?
Turns out there are so many amazing women working
in the world of entertainment-from Skylab owner
(and TV star) Jackie Warner to
graphic novelist Ariel Schrag,
nightlife impresario Lori
Michaels, show runner Ilene
Chaiken, choreographer Anne
Bluethenthal and actor Sharon
Gless-that we decided to give
them their own special issue
in November. Check out our
Entertainers of the Year next
month.
and other people's dogs. She lives in
r nsylvania and breeds Tibetan
spaniels, but she shows many different breeds. She and Kathy met six
years ago at a dog show. It's not an
easy job or one suited for everybody.
Burke says, "It's a tough profession,
but it's a really fun and rewarding one.
Where else can you have a job where
you can be with animals 24/7?"
For a lesbian couple, Burke says,
"It's an ideal workplace because
dog show people are open-minded.
There's a high percentage of people
in the dog world that are gay. It's not
a job where you have to hide who
you are:' ■
October 2008
I65
By the Book
Two queer publishing gurus share their secrets to success. By Cheryl Craig
stare down unprecedented changes
Barot•We look for adventurous, committed, professionally minded authors
and industry shake-ups on a regular basis. Borders is the latest major
who are willing to embrace an environment of creative freedom combined
bookstore chain to shuffle how it handles LGBT-chemed work, dumping
with intensive craftwork. We are excited to publish the first book from a
I
NDEPENDENT
PUBLISHERS
thousands of books earlier chis year and sending even well-established pub-
new author, but even more satisfied to publish their fifth-or
15th-and
we all strive to make every book a better book.
lishers scurrying to replace lost income.
For the lesbian publishers behind Bold Strokes
Hill: Like any good relationship, publishing
Books and Bella Books, it was just another wave to ride
requires commitment from both sides. At Bella
out. Today, Bold Strokes is the largest lesbian publishing
and Spinsters, we are committed to producing
house in the country, and Bella is a lesbian powerhouse
original, well-crafted stories that speak to who
in its own right.
we are as women and as lesbians. We look for
It's the women in charge who set the tone for their
authors who are equally passionate and commit-
success, though. Bold Strokes' founder and publisher,
ted to their craft. I come from a place where I
Len Barot, a former surgeon who also writes under the
believe it's a privilege to be published, and I look
pen name Radclyffe, is one of the niche lesbian marker's
for authors who share that philosophy and who
most successful authors as well, with dozens of books to
are truly excited about being part of this incred-
her name. Former IT pro Linda Hill, the CEO of Bella
ible adventure.
Books, branched out and bought the popular Spinsters
If you could give one piece of advice to any
womanabout choosinga career, what would
it be?
Ink imprint and also launched Bella Distribution-a
network chat helps the work of other publishing houses
get into the hands of retailers and customers worldwide.
Though these two women work independently of each other, their approach
to business is similar.
Baro :You have to love it, and the satisfaction you find has to come from inside
yourself. When you finish a day's work and you feel a sense of accomplishment and pride, even though no one else has seen what you do, then you
know you're doing the right work.
Youboth had successfulcareers before becomingpublishers.Whatmade
you thinkyou couldbe successfulin publishing?
Barot. As with any successful business, it's imperative to understand what
ill, You have to follow your heart. I've been lucky enough to have several
careers in my life and I fell into as many as I'd planned simply by following
my heart and trusting that my instincts were correct. So trust yourself.
makes it tick from the ground floor up. In terms of LGBTQ publishing,
Believe in yourself. And cry really hard not to be afraid of failing. And more
quality literature is the essential ingredient, but we also have to be able
than anything, don't forget to enjoy the ride. ■
to produce it well, get it to our readers worldwide and foster the kind of
environment where young authors can improve their craft and established
authors can expand theirs. Those are the foundation goals of Bold Strokes
Books. I'm like the "stock boi" who became the corporate head. I've read
Out& EqualFounderSelisse Ber y
LGBTQ literature since I was 12. I've written it since I was 30. I've
self-published; I've been [print-on-demand]
published and now I
run a publishing house along a mainstream model. Short answer:
I know the business.
Hill. I was an avid reader and then an author long before I got involved
in the business side of publishing. Once I began working with
Naiad Press as their Web developer, I started to study and analyze
the process of publishing and learned everything about taking a
raw manuscript all the way through to publication and beyond. Having
a background in business mergers and acquisitions, I was able see what
worked and what didn't, and it didn't take long for my entrepreneurial
drive to kick in. I was just itching to dive in and had no fear at all.
Youhavemadeit possiblefor newwritersto havethe careerthey'vedreamt
about.Whatqualitieslet you knowthat a particularauthormightbe a good
fit for yourpublishinghouse?
66 I curve
1. HowdidOut& Equal
begin?
I startedworkingfor
nonprofits
andwashired
to runBuildingBridges,
LGBTdiversitytraining.
I startedtalking
to otherLGBTpeopleworkingin
companies:
What'sgoingon?Why
don'twesit downtogetherand
createsomesynergy?
Because
none
of (thesenonprofits]
hadstaffmembers,theywereall runbyvolunteers
thathaddayJobs.I broughtthem
together,
andthenwentto Umted
Wayandaskedfor funding,and
basically
theygavemea desk,and
a computer,
anda phone.Andthat's
whereit all started.
2. TellmeabouttheExcutive
Forum.
There'ssortof this"lavender
ceiling"
aspectwherepeopletendto goback
mtotheclosetthehigherupthey
get,evenif they'vebeenout.Which
1sunfortunate.
Sowewantedto createa safeplacefor LGBTexecutives
A SweetAffair
A new lesbian cruise line is riding the green
wave. By Katie Peoples
partnersat the sametime.
It's not mandatory that you volunteer, but for people who want to do that, I think
it's going to be tremendously fulfilling.I mean, how fun to spend the day working wildlife rescue with 100 women or cleaning up a beach. It makes something
that might kind of suck-picking
up trash-feel
good. You get to meet people
&om all over the world and interact with them around your core values.
HANNON
S
WENTWORTH
has spent her life as an activist. With
Yeah,I knowI'dvolunteermoreif therewerea cruiseattachedto it.
strong beliefs about human rights, charitable work and the environment, this
Yeah, and the trend in travel has been around ecotourism and having a lighter foot ..
lesbian entrepreneur made good use of her experiences and struck out on
print. Or volunteer tourism, where you go to a country and help restore some-
her own. The founder of Sweet Travel, Wentworth has decided to use her new
thing or build something or work with the local community and get a little bit
company to address the lesbian community's concerns by giving travelers an
more of a cultural experience. Our target market is starting at 25 [years old]
opportunity to do some good while they relax on an all-women's cruise.
and a big way that we think we can reach down to the 25-year-old market is
by marrying the social responsibility with the affordability of our trip. Weve
WhatmakesSweetTraveldifferentfromothercruiselines?
purposefully chartered a ship that doesn't have a bunch of luxury staterooms
Were different in a number of ways. But, were working really hard to create a green
that are out of the typical passenger's price range ... which allows us to bring
business. Cruising, air and sea travel [are] not very green. Were working re-
more people at an affordable price.
ally hard to make them greener by buying carbon offsets for all of our air and
Whyareyoutargetinglesbiansandnot a widergroupof people?
sea travel. Were also doing a number of volunteer projects ... So our first trip ...
It's a question I keep getting &om the under-30 set. I think being in an all-women's
leaves out of New Orleans and were going to do a three-day pre-trip where
atmosphere is extraordinarily beneficial at times. It's very healing and restor-
people have the opportunity to help out with the Katrina relief effort by day
ative, too. The biggest question I've gotten is: Will gay men be allowed? I think I
and then party in New Orleans' legendary night clubs by night. But our goal is
want to leave that up to the women who are traveling with us ... I'm looking for-
really to have this mix of doing good and having a blast at the same time.
ward to a day when it doesn't matter. [I realize] that will be the end of my niche
Whatinspiredyouto createa greenlesbiancompany?
company, but I'm really looking forward to seeing that in my lifetime-women,
I was an environmentalist and human rights advocate before I was a lesbian. And
and particularly lesbians, feeling comfortable traveling the world by themselves.
all of those things really came together for me in looking at how I wanted to
DoyouthinkSweetcouldappealto morethanjust the lesbianmarket?
take a vacation and what I feel like needs to happen in the gay and lesbian
The core properties translate reallywell to a much larger population-human
marketplace. I really wanted to create this vehicle for all of the things I wanted
to do with my life and in the world. This company is kind of a blend of all of
rights,
likes to do those things. Everybody is
becoming more and more aware.
Doyouthinkthatwillhappenin yourlifetime?
my ideals.
Andthereareso few opportunities
forlesbiansto volunteerandbe withtheir
to cometogether,
whetherthey'reout
or not,because
for manyof them,if
they'rewiththeirLGBTcolleagues
they'retheonlyexecutive
in theroom,
andwithotherexecutives
they'rethe
onlyLGBTperson.
The"SF24" [executives
handpickedto attendtheforum]were
sortof outalready,butnowthey've
comeoutin moresignificant
ways.
It's lightened
theirloadandtheydon't
haveto thinkaboutit at all,andcan
reallyfocusontheirjobs.Butthey're
alsolookingat waysto mentorpeople,
makesurethey'reconnected
with
theirLGBTemployee
groups,supportingtheirLGBTcolleagues.
the environment, having fun-everybody
3. HowdoesOut& Equalhelp
employers?
Out&Equal'strainingsconsistof
everything
fromhelpingpeoplefeel
comfortableusingterminologyto
understanding
moreof thelegal
aspects;encouraging
peopleto look
at theirpolicies,whetherit's their
benefitsplanortheirEEOpolicy,to
makesurethatsexualorientation
and
genderidentityareincluded.
Wehave
a listof 15stepsto anOut&Equal
workplace
andencourage
people
to marketto ourcommunity,
recruit
withinourcommunity
andofferleadershipdevelopment
opportunities
for
LGBT
employees.
I am hopeful. If I have to live to 150. ■
4. DoesOut& Equalonlyworkon
LGBTissues?
It felt veryimportant
to meto always
setLGBTissuesin thecontextof
broaderdiversityissues,sothatwe
didn'tendupwithsomekindof hierarchical,myoppression
is worsethan
youroppression
attitude.It's about
offeringthistrainingandmakingsure
we oftensaid,"If you'veexperienced
racismin yourlife,homophobia
is
kindof likethat."Tryingto helppeople
understand
theconnections
there,
encouraging
theLGBTemployee
networksto finda jointproJect
withthe
AfricanAmerican
or Latinonetworks
andseethecrossover.
5. Howhastheorganization
grown?
Aretheaffiliates
justin majorcities?
ThereareOut& Equalvolunteer-led
affiliatesin 12cities.A lot of affiliatesstartbecause
peoplegoto the
Workplace
Summit[anannualeventof
over2,300attendees
participating
in
over125workshops,
designed
to createaninclusiveworkplace].
There'sa
lot of enthusiasm-theywantto bring
a lot of thatenergybackhometo their
communities.
Weencourage
themto
findotherpeopleinvolvedin Out&
Equalandcreatea regionalcouncil,
putoneventsandoffersupportsowe
canhavea realpresence
aroundthe
country.-Alison Peters
October 2008
I67
Reviews Sapphic Screen
Bearing Witness
Three new films on discrimination, disease and radical revolt. I By Candace Moore
EDITOR'S PICK
Torchwood:
The
Complete
FirstSeason
and Torchwood:
TheComplete
SecondSeason(BBC
America):What's
moreexcitingthan
the secondseason
of Torchwood
being
availableon DVD?How
aboutthe first season
beingreleasedconcurrentlyon Blu-Ray?BBC
America'shighest-rated
showever,Torchwood
is deliciouslysexyfilled with adventure,
mischiefandhomo
(andlesbo)eroticism.
Eachdiscset letsyou
followthe daredevil
adventures
of Captain
JackHarkness(John
Threats come from all sides in film this month: sinister neighborBarrowman)
andhis
hood gossip, a deadly and unfathomable virus, a hyper-involved
alien-fightingteam,
government, conservative families and long-distance relationespeciallyGwen(Eve
Myles)andTosh(Naoko ships. These features will move you, frighten you, thrill you and
Mori).Seasontwo offers call you to action.
up freakynewaliens,
plentyof temptation The Terrorist She-Freaks of Texas (Hybrid Vigor
andgroovyguest-star Productions): Mixing found footage and grainy film of
appearances.
Bonuses Andy Warhol-style queer female superstars run amok, this
includebehind-the- mock-homophobic propaganda film is introduced by the tide
scenesfeaturettes, card "Department of Homeland Security Presents ... " while a
deletedscenesandoutmonotonous voice quotes faux-patriotic, conservative slogans.
takes.(bbcamerica.com)
Catchphrases like "amber fields of grain" echo in white subtitles
- DianeAndersonMinshall on the screen and flicker in and out in subliminal jerks. The
images, which ostensibly exhibit "deranged;' "deviant;' "perverse"
Icurve
the workplace and women in wedding gear. The drone of the
queer-hating voice-over becomes ever more desperate as the film
progresses, and is duly undone by the visuals of grrrl-powered
punk delight. A film to rally and entice the troops. (shejreak.com)
Fine Dead Girls (First Run Features): Young lesbians Iva
and Marija move into a Zagreb building full of nosy, bizarre and
just plain sadistic tenants in this Croatian drama, and soon find
themselves at war. While the couple is for the most part tenderly
occupied with clothing-optional matters in their warmly lit flat,
odd ducks abound outside: the gossipy and cruel landlord's wife,
the mentally impaired young man swathed in the colors of the
Croatian flag, the wife beater, the old man who keeps his wife's
corpse upright in a chair, the priesdike stranger, etc. Packed
transfolks and femmes in "dirty" embraces, are utterly captivat-
together in a tenement near the train tracks, this community is
ing-a
pure cinematic pleasure. The most fun is an orgiastic
always in each other's business: overhearing private fights, blast-
scene in a diner with dildos sucked through glory holes, a high
ing music and walking in on each other's secret and intimate acts,
femme holding her heel to a hungry mouth and a romp over
all punctuated by the sounds of the passing freight trains. Fine
Dead Girls' main tale is delivered via flashback with two extra
chairs and tables. Featuring genderqueers, FTMs, drag kings and
68
clips are spliced with cuddling dykes in the park, ravenous sex in
queens, butches galore and sweet and strong femmes prepped to
characters-Ivas
start a revolution, this Austin, Texas-centered short, directed by
we know who's due to go missing in the future, but the suspense
butch lover and the landlord's cocky son-so
Bug Davidson and Holly M. Lewis, pokes great fun at censorship,
rests in finding out why. Dalibor Matanii;:'s first feature brings
fear and all things puritanical. Cartoons and retro documentary
Breaking the Waves or other Lars von Trier fare uncomfortably
Endless Love
Searching 4 Sandeep provides an up-close and
extremely personal look at lesbian online dating.
to mind: Women tend to get punished-in
queer. (firstrunfeatures.com)
this case, for being
The Witnesses (Strand Releasing): Andre Techine's
modern epic begins in 1984, as Manu (Johan Libereau), fresh
from the country, acclimates to city life by cruising Parisian parks
for pickups. He also befriends an older doctor, Adrien (Michel
Blanc). Adrien is smitten with the handsome young boy but
refrains from seducing him right off the bat. Instead, he brings
Manu vacationing with his dear friend Sarah (Emmanuelle
Beart), a wealthy children's book writer who is suffering from
postpartum depression, and her hunky husband, Mehdi (Sarni
Bouajila), a cop. A swimming accident entwines Manu and
Mehdi who demonstrates that he's rough trade with a soft side,
and transforms all four adults into a slightly dysfunctional alternative family-a
family challenged when news of a mysterious
new virus surfaces. Adrien joins the war against AIDS, setting
up a relief fund and clinic, while HIV affects everyone close to
home. In keeping with his best work, Techines characters, camerawork, music and mise-en-sceneare precise throughout this piece
and, just as in Wild Reeds,evoke his signature emotional flourish.
But, The Witnesses has one segment too many; the final 15 minutes could have been shaved. Yet even with its extraneous footage, and Beart playing an especially cold fish, it will move you to
tears, perhaps because of how bottled up the characters are and
how excruciating that seems. Adrien, Mehdi, Manu and Sarah
are stubborn and don't beg, make excuses or often ask for what
they want; they are drained of sentimentality and yet are all the
more emotionally effective. (strandreleasing.com)
■
Three-plus
yearsand
severalcontinents
afterPoppyStockel!
andSandeep
Virdimet
ona lesbiandating
site,theyarea happy
couplelivingin Sydney,
Australia.
Theirjourney
to happiness
andtogetherness
wasa long
andarduousone,
fraughtwith family
tension,geographical
distanceandlongseparations.
Stockel!capturedit all on film, aftersherecovered
fromanotherrelationship
that beganin herearly20sandlastedaboutsix years
(seven,with the attendantdykedramabreakupstuff).Thatlengthyrelationship
camewith the wholenineyards-purchasinga housetogether,adoptinga dog,
combiningbankaccounts-of two livesintertwined.
Bythetime Stockell,then28 andsingle,returnedto the Sydneydatingscene,
thingshadchangeddramatically.
AsStockel!herselfput it, "Thegirlswereso
young,hadrazorsharpmodernhaircutsanda differentattitudeandvibethanI
wasbothusedto andlookingfor."
So,as with manylesbianslookingfor lovein the Internetage,Stockel!turned
to the onlinedatingsite,Gaydar.
Nothappywith the qualityof the womenshewas
meetingthere,shefounda moreinterestingandappropriatewomanon the lesbian site,PinkSofa.
Almostimmediately
Stockel!,whosehandlewasLaughingWave,
metShala,the perfectwomanin so manyways.Butseveralissuesneededto be
addressed.
Forexample,Shala,whoturnedoutto be 31-year-oldSandeep
Virdi,
wasa closetedIndianwomanlivingwith herSikhparentsandthreesistersin the
BritishMidlands,whileStockel!wasan out andproudlesbianin the cosmopolitan
city of Sydney.
Whatto do,whatto do?
Stockel!,who'dworkedin televisionandfilm already,hadthe ideato documentheronlinedating-"a strangebutfascinatingexperience
of creating
immediateandintimateconnections
with virtualstrangers."Butit wasclearthat
Virdiwashermaininterestandbestprospect.So,Stockel!askedVirdiif she
couldrecordtheirconversations,
film herselfandalsosenda camerato the other
sideof the world,soVirdicouldrecordherexperiences.
Theresultis Searching
4 Sandeep,
a movingfilm encompassing
all the nuancesof lesbianonlinedating:
transcontinental
relationships,
cultureclash,familydrama,dykedrama.Youget
the picture.
Thegenesisof Stockell'sideais "the wayin whichnewformsof communication likethe Internetandtextinghavechangedthe wayourgenerationrelatesto
eachother.In Searching4 Sandeep,
thethemeof howtechnologycanhelpusfind
otherpeople,but alsocanhinderour intimacy,is whatI startedoutwith."Thefilm
endsup beingaboutall that plusa wholelot more:boththe dramaandthe desire
for loveandacceptance.
Stockel!saysthat the in endit is reallya kindof love
letterto Sandeep.
- Stephanie
Schroeder
October 2008
I 69
Q+A
Dawn Logsdon
DVD PICKS
Director Dawn Logsdon's newest documentary, Faubourg Treme: The Untold
History of Black New Orleans, (tremedoc.com), traces the collective history of
one of New Orleans' most vibrant and mixed neighborhoods-the
Sixth Ward,
known as Treme. Logsdon's previous short film Tomboywas a favorite at lesbian
film festivals. For this, her first feature-length documentary, Logsdon paired
up with her partner, Lucie Faulknor, who produced the film. It premiered to
enthusiastic crowds and packed houses in New Orleans and at the San Francisco
International Film Festival. - Kathleen Wilkinson
What got you interested in doing
this film?
I'm from New Orleans. I did [editing]
work on a lot of gay films, like The
Castro and Harry Hay, and [films for]
a lot of communities that also didn't
have their voice, like The Weather
Underground.[What] I had never done
was try to make a film about home and
what that place meant to me. At [my
father's] funeral I decided to do a film
about New Orleans. [Writer and codirector Lolis Eric Elie and I] picked
Treme because it's the epitome of New Orleans culture to us-this
blending
of cultures to create something new.
How was the response in New Orleans?
New Orleanians have a tendency to think that nobody can really accurately
portray their city, so they tend to rag on films that are about New Orleans in
a really bad way. There was a lot of pressure on us to get it right. I was really
worried about what the response was going to be and especially because
you can't really drag New Orleanians to see Katrina documentaries ...living
through Katrina made people like, "Why would I want to go see a movie
about this? I live it every daY:'But people were responding really strongly to
the history. They wanted to know more.
The message comes across that you have to have faith.
There's also just the lesson that we can endure. People down there are pretty
Penelope
(Summit):I hate
fairytalesandsavefor last
year'sEnchanted
I almost
alwaysdislikethem.But
Penelope,
a heart-warming
but snarkyupdateof the Ugly
Duckling,mightjust changemy
mind.In it ChristinaRicciis a
girl cursedwith a unfortunate
facialfeature.Hermother
spends25 yearstryingto
find a wayto breakthe curse
until Penelope
runsawayand
decidesto explorelife, her
nosebe damned.Personally,
it's hardto fathomanyone
considering
Ricciunattractive-even with a snout-but
the messageof comingout
andacceptingyourselfis a
whollywelcomechangefrom
the makeovermadness-meetsPrince-Charming
storylineof
mostfairytales.Bonusfeatures
includea sneakpeekat the
nextchickphenom,Twilight.
(summit-ent.com)
tough. They've been through a lot. What they're going through now is ...
wreaking havoc on the family ties that have held together communities like
Treme for a long time. People all lived very close to each other and extended
beloveddirectorof ButI'm a
Cheerleader,
offersup another
funny,politcallysavvy,romantic
indieflick. In it, MelonieDiaz
playsa babydykewhofalls
in with a gangof feminist
rabble-rousers
calledClitsin
Action(akaCiA)andin between
makingtroubleandinteracting
with tonsof hotchicks(Daniela
Sea,CarlyPope,JennyShimizu
andGuinTurner),shefallsfor
the sexy(butnotsingle)leader,
playedbytheincredibly
attractive
NicoleVicius.(wolfevideo.com)
Affinity(Logo):SarahWater's
first two novel-to-filmadaptations- Tippingthe Velvetand
Fingersmitfr-wereresounding
lesbianhits.Affinity,a supernaturallesbianprisonromantic
thriller,is set in 19th-century
Britainandfollowsa socialite,
an imprisonedmediumand
emergingpassions.Logo
debutedthe film onthe network
andon DVDsimultaneously,
a trendI hopecontinueswith
futurefilms.(logoonline.com)
family was a really important way of getting through things ... It's a kind of
social cohesion that doesn't exist in [many] other places in this country.
How a you see the ·edevelopment?
They're closing down a lot of public housing right now, which is a very contentious
issue, and I think it's just appalling that the government is bulldozing down
projects. There's definitely a struggle for what New Orleans is going to look like.
Vi
t was 1thke w rk g w h your partner as the producer?
Working with your partner is the most rewarding thing you can do. It's also
the hardest. It bonds you in a way that probably nothing else besides having
children does. This was our kid for four years. We were dedicated to raising
it and getting it out into the world. We're going to take a break from working
together for nine months, and then we have another big project. ■
70
Icurve
/tty BittyTittyCommitte
(Wolfe):JamieBabbit,the
OntheOtherHand,Death
(here!TV):Thelatestfilm
adaptionof DonaldStrachey's
gaydetectivenovelsboasts
a small-townlesbiancouple
(MargotKidderandGabrielle
Rose)whoaretargetedbyviolence,aswellasa hunkyhimbo
andplentyof gayshenanigans.
It's greatpreparation
for the
nextfilm, IceBlues.(heretv.com)
-DAM
In the Stacks
Reviews
Pioneering Women
Great reads on intriguing equality issues.
IBy Rachel Pepper
Performance artist Coco Fusco invents a field guide to com-
exercise of political power and the use of deadly force in war,
ment on the place of women in the military, and singer Janis Ian
the more apparent it becomes that we aren't using it very differ-
recounts her pioneering life in the music business in this month's
must reads.
ently from men:' She chastises the feminist movement for not
speaking up more on the issue of military women who torture,
and suggests that participatory female soldiers are fully part of a
A FIELD
GUIDE FOR
FEMALE
INTERROGATORS
A Field Guide for Female Interrogators,
Coco Fusco (Seven Stories Press):
culture that embraces sexual and cultural stereotypes, even while
it empowers women to behave as badly as men. So, is this equal-
What does it really mean for feminism that
ity? No, says Fusco, who writes that "everyjustification I find for
women are soldiers in places like Iraq? Does it
these actions seems cynical, inhuman and profoundly unjust:'
lead to behaviors in women-such
While she may not have a solution to the issues she raises, this
as tortur-
COCO FUSCO
ing and humiliating others-that
many of us
book will surely get us to think about female soldiers, and the
0
would feel are just as unseemly as when prac-
practices of war, in a new and disturbing way. (sevenstories.com)
ticed by men? Is this equality?
These are some of the questions
that
interdisciplinary artist Coco Fusco asks in her new book, A Field
JANISIAN
Society's Child: My Autobiography
Janis Ian (Tarcher/Penguin): To get
Guide for Female Interrogators. Fusco, an associate professor in
an idea of how great a singer-songwriter
the Visual Arts division at Columbia University and the author
Janis Ian is, one has to look no further
of several books, including The Bodies That Were Not Ours: And
than YouTube, where anyone can watch
Other Writings, is also a filmmaker and performance artist, and
a video of a very young Ian performing
was recently featured in the 2008 Whitney Biennial in New
"At Seventeen:' Now in her late 50s, Ian
---
Society's Child
York City.
In 2005, Fusco and several friends took a course that was led by
was inspired by the music of Odetta as a
child, and decided to become a singer. By
former U.S. military interrogators and was specificallydesigned for
age 15, she was already a star, launched into fame in the 1960s
civilians who wanted to learn military techniques for extracting
after writing the anti-racist ballad "Society's Child:' Although
information from prisoners. The women were then ambushed,
the turbulent politics of the time meant she was just as often
captured, strip-searched, separated, made to wear black hoods
heckled as applauded, nevertheless, the song, about an interracial
and subjected to several rounds of interrogation. Several women
love affair, soon led to other hits like "Jesse" and "At Seventeen;'
broke down in tears and all found themselves very disturbed by
which became the mantra for anyone who stood outside the
the process. Afterward, the
"in crowd." In this autobiography, Ian recounts her rise
participants were instructed
to fame, her often volatile relationships with both men
and women, her involvement with the St. Marks Baths,
on how to perform interrogations themselves. Fusco
'
filmed the entire experience
her roller-coaster ride with finances (including having
the IRS seize all her assets), her bout with cancer, her
and some stills are available
scholarship foundation and her same-sex
at cocofusco.com.
emony to partner Patricia Snyder at Toronto's City Hall,
This
course
inspired
Fusco
to
wonder
female
interrogators
how
use
their sexuality to humili-
mJ • •
uge cer-
which earned her notoriety as the first out celebrity to
wed there.
And throughout, she gives us an intimate look at the
ever-changing music business, complete
with unscrupulous managers, two-timing
ate male prisoners. In this
book, she provides a series of steps that women ( especially
band members and a great cast of characters
white women) could be called upon to use to break down men
who would feel at home in any novel. Readers
( especially Muslim men) as occurred in the infamous Abu
most likely to pick up this book are already Ian
Ghraib prison. Most of these methods involve physical contact
fans, but one certainly does not have to be a fan
designed to shame the men, leading us to ask under what cir-
to appreciate her story. Indeed, any reader will
cumstances women could or would perpetuate violence using
quickly note from the book's first pages that
their sexuality as a weapon.
In one of the book's essays, "Torture: The Feminine Touch;'
Ian's life has been well-lived, and that music
Fusco notes, "The more access American women have to the
social change. (us.penguingroup.com) ■
EDITOR'S PICK
OnTheirO n,Joyce
offmann
{DaCapo
Press}:
Whenthe United
States'fightagainst
terrorismlooksfrighteninglysimilarto its fight
againstcommunism
in the 1960s,Joyce
Hoffmann's
collectionof biographies,
On
TheirOwn,offersa
candidlypersonallookat
theVietnamWarandthe
womenjournalistswho
coveredit. Feminism's
first wavewasjust
crestingbackhome,but
in Southeast
Asia-and
in thecut-throatworld
of journalism-female
correspondents
hadto
fighttoothandnailto
geta beatoutsideof the
usual"women'sangle"
assignedbytheirmale
editors.Chronicling
theworkof someof
the mostambitious,
talentedjournalistsof
theirtime,Hoffmann's
bookbreathes
withthe
determination,
thrilland
horrorof thewomen
whocoveredthe biggest
storyof theirgeneration.
(dacapopress.
com)- Rachel
Beebe
like hers can bring about joy and monumental
October 2008 I 71
Q+A
Rocker Girl
Fay Jacobs
Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna tells us
how it's done.
Fay Jacobs is a lesbian humorist, often compared (much to her gleeful amazement) to the legendary Erma Bombeck. Jacobs writes a column detailing life
with her partner, Bonnie, in Rehoboth Beach, Del. I sat down to chat with
Jacobs shortly after she learned that her latest book, Fried & True: Tales
From RehobothBeach,was named the 2008 Humor Book of the Year by the
Delaware Press Association. - StefaniDeoul
Where exactly is Rehoboth Beach, and how did
you get there?
Rehoboth is an LGBT oasis on the Delaware coast. We
literally arrived by cruising our boat up Chesapeake Bay,
hanging a right and steering straight-or
not-to
the
Rehoboth Canal. We docked for a summer and just never
really left. The floating money-pit is long gone but we're
still here.
How did the column come about?
In 1996, the owner of a burger joint outside town made
some horribly homophobic comments. I wrote to the editor of our local
LGBT magazine, Letters From CAMP Rehoboth.The restaurant got so
much flak it was forced to close, and the editor, who must have liked my
letter, asked me to pen a column. I've been on deadline ever since.
And the book?
My mentor, Rehoboth literary icon and publisher Anyda Marchant, known
to the lesbian community as the novelist Sarah Aldridge, generously suggested publishing a collection-then
nagged me until I did. That was my
first book, As I Lay Frying.Many stories in Fried & True are about Anyda
and Muriel, her partner of 56 years. These remarkable women founded
Naiad Press in the '70s. They taught me about publishing and everything I
never even knew I wanted to know about drinking Scotch.
Along with the book award, two columns were singled out for honors. One, "Moon Over the Military," tackles a very serious subjectJoint Chiefs General Peter Pace calling gays immoral. How do you
keep it funny?
Sometimes if you don't laugh you'd have to cry.
Does Bonnie mind living amid your rants and thoughts?
She's a major good sport, often calling herself, "the one that does those stupid things Fay writes about:' But the rule is: Spill everything about us
and skewer deserving public figures, but nix anything that might hurt or
embarrass friends and family. A lot of good columns go into the shredder,
of course.
Do you think you're funny?
I don't know about funny, but my sense of humor may be a little skewed. I'm
lucky I've never been thrown out of a memorial service.
What does this award mean to you?
A lot, because this wasn't an LGBT contest. It was judged by straight writers
from Texas and Alabama ... and a lesbian's book about a gay resort seems to
have made them laugh instead of throw up. I'm proud of that.
Anything else we should know?
I never felt particularly oppressed as a lesbian in Washington, D.C., but once I
got to Rehoboth, my whole life made sense. Sweet. Come visit. ■
12
j
curve
Onceyouget pastthe fact that whileshe
is sexy,sheis also,er,straight,a celebrity
journalistandthe authorof CherryBomb:The
UltimateGuideto Becominga BetterFlirt,a Tougher
Chick,anda
HotterGirlfriend,
andto LivingLifeLikea RockStar-and yourealize
that CarrieBorzillo-Vrenna
is just a regularfemme.Sheis a hardcore
rockerchickwhohasoccasionally
kissedgirls,admitsto having
girl-crushes(atthe momenton GinaGershon,
JoanJett andAngelina
Jolie)andhasa checklistin herguidebookabouthowto tell whether
the girl youjust kissedis truly bisexualor just bi-curious.
Notoneto blendintothe crowd,Borzillo-Vrenna,
whoturned39
in June,beganherjournalismcareerat 18 whenshewroterock
reviewsfor hometownandregionalConnecticut
papersandfor
musicmagazines,
includingHit Parade.Herbig breakcamewhen
sheinterviewedthe BlackCrowesat age19. "I'm the originalCarrie
B.," Borzillo-Vrenna
says,referringto the (fictional)sexcolumnist
CarrieBradshaw,
the chroniclerof all thingsfashionable,
and,of
course,sexy,on Sexandthe City.
"Notto soundlikethe SpiceGirlsfrom 1995,but I'm all aboutgirl
powerandI will helpout womenbeforeI helpmen.Theygenerally
don'tneedit as much.Andit's just goodkarma.I've hada goodlife
andgiving,donatingandvolunteering
aregoodfor the soul.Notgiving backis just stingy."
Afterworkingthe celebrityandmusicbeatsfor Billboardand
allstarnews.com,
writinga bookaboutNirvana,writinga relationshipandsexcolumnfor Tongue
(GeneSimmons'short-livedglossy
monthly)andworkingfull-timeat People(whichsheleft to write her
book),Borzillo-Vrenna
"sentoutfour well-writtenqueryletterswith
1Oideasfor a book.I pitchedmyselfinsteadof an idea.HollyRoot
of theWaxman
Agency,whoworkswith a lot of women,wasthe
first to call.Andwe madea deal."Borzillo-Vrenna,
who is married
to rockerChrisVrennaof MarilynMansonandNineInchNailsfame,
saysherideawasa tongue-in-cheek
takeon all those"awfulpink
girlybookswith badadviceon beingsubmissivein the flirting and
datingarena."
Shebeganwith the workingtitle Howto Datea RockStar."I
wantedto write an indie lifestyleguidefor girls with an edgecool-mindedchickswhowantto notonlydaterockstars,but be
rockstarsas well.I amwritingfor womenwho breakall the rules,
just like I alwayshave.I can't standthoseother'rules'booksthattell
womennotto call guysor playhardto get or whatever.It's all bad
advicethat makeswomenhelplessvictims."
Someof theadviceBorzillo-Vrenna
dishesout is notnewsto
the lesbiancommunity:
fromdefiningponyplay("It's likethe idiot's
guideto fetishor something
... ") to heartingGoldfrapp,
Absintheand
BethOrtonand"feelingfreeto marchto a differentdrummerinstead
of copyingwhateveryone
else,includingme,is doing.It's aboutnot
beinga cookiecutter."
CherryBombcoverseverything
a sassysisterneedsto know,
fromA to Z. Under"T" she'sgot"tramping"covered.However,
it's not
whatyouthink.Borzillo-Vrenna
explains,"It's chicksexercisingon a
trampolinein theirunderwear,
butAgentProvocateur
underwear
of
course,rockingout,actingsillyandhappy,butstill breakinga sweat."
Withplentyof off-the-wallreferences
andlotsof goodadvice,this
is a bookthatshouldpleasegirlsof all kinds.- Stephanie
Schroeder
PAGE TURNERS
Just Between GirlzN
photographing
a ghost,"writes
BertStern,oneof the most
acclaimedphotographers
of the
1960s.Thiscoffeetablebook
consistsof Monroe'slastsitting
with Stern-a three-daysession
thattookplacejust weeks
beforeherdeath.Though
moderndescriptions
of her
voluptuous
bodyareoften
exaggerated
(the1950ssize14
sheworetranslatesto today's
size6 or 8),the nudephotosof
MoreThanPetticoats,
Kate
hercurvesarestill striking
Hertzog(TwoDot):
It maybe
compared
to the waifishaesthetthe Cityof BrotherlyLove,but
ic of modelstoday.In additionto
Philadelphia
sits in a state
nudeandfashionphotography,
whosecontributions
to American
Sternincludesthe session's
women'shistoryappearin a new
precious(sometimes
drunken)
lightin this smartlyresearched
conversations
betweenhimand
andengagingly
writtencollection
theAmericanicon.(randomof profiles.You'llmeetthe chicks
house.com)
- Catherine
Plato
whocamebeforeHillary,like
SybillaMasters(1676-1720),
whousedAmericanIndian
techniques
to devisenewways
of millingcorn;LucretiaMott
(1793-1880),the civil rights
leaderfor whomthe EqualRights
Amendment
wasnamedwhenit
wasfirst introducedin 1923;and
AnnPreston(1813-1872),who
foughtto getwomendoctors
accessto Philadelphia
hospitals.
You'llalsofind morerecent
Keystone
Stateluminaries,
like
Branded
Ann,MerryShannon
the singerMarianAnderson
and
(BoldStrokesBooks):
RachelCarson,whowroteSilent Treasures
aboundin this
Spring.(globepequotcom)
rollicking,high-seasadventure.
- JuliaBloch
Lesbianprotagonists
arenot
.........
••...
,..;.-;.,.
MarilynMonroe:
TheLast
Sitting,Photography
byBert
Stern(Random
House):"Liz
Tayloris a classicbeauty.
Marilynis a ghost.If sheis
motionless
for a singleinstant,
her beautywill evaporate.
Photographing
Marilynis like
bootyandendup in the Devil's
Trianglefightingfor their very
lives.(boldstrokesbooks.com)
- Kathilsserman
LiveThrough
This,ed.Sabrina
Chapadjiev
(SevenStories):
Thisanthologyexploresthe
relationship
betweencreativity
andself-destruction
so common
to artists,writersandperformers.Withmoreesteemednames
thancanbe listed,including
bell hooks,EileenMyles,Annie
SprinkleandElizabeth
Stephens,
SilasHoward,DianeDiMassa,
NanGoldin,FlyandCarolQueen,
this bookwill gatherno dust
on yourbookshelf.Howard's
"Friendsas Heroes"is more
thana storyaboutdykelife with
friendsHarryandLynny,but also
showshowcloselygriefand
creativityareconnected.
Myles'
ponderings
aboutbrushingher
teethanddiscovering
the will
to liverevealthe comicalside
aswell asthe emotionaldepths
of the book.The20 essayists,
usuallyfeaturedin pirate
novelists,photographers,
visual
exploits,sothis extremelywellartists,cartoonists,
musicians
told novelis a treatnotsoonto
beforgotten.Withnonstopaction andburlesqueperformersof
LiveThroughThistestifyto
anddelicioussexualtension,
livesof survival,turningtears
CaptainBranded
Annandher
towardmania,
fellowpiratestaketheirreaders andtendencies
depression
andself-mutilation
on an unpredictable
journey.
intopowerfullessonsabout
Aboardthe IceQueen,the
learningto put "rageto page,"
Captain'sonlyfocusis acquiras Chapadjiev
writes,asthe
ing morebountyandseeking
revengeuntilshekills merchant contributorsuseart to save
their lives.Thereareimagesof
IsaacWattsandis saddled
SprinkleandStephens'breast
with his youngwife,Violet.Not
cancererotica,memoriesof
knowingwhatto dowithViolet
incestanddrawingsby some
is the leastof Ann'sconcernsas
of our mostbelovedfeminist
dangerawaitshercrewaround
LGBTQ
artistsastheytouchpen
everyturn.Thenovelclimaxes
to paper.(sevenstories.com)
in morewaysthanonewhen
- TaniaHammidi
the piratesseekthe ultimate
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October 2008
I 73
Reviews
Music Watch
Career Queers
Dyke singer--songwriters with staying power. I By Margaret Coble
Godmakesmonkeys, Kaia Wilson
(Jealous Butcher Records): It's been
EDITOR'S PICK
TheTurn,AlisonMoyet
(Decca):
Backin the
'80s,therewasnoband
coolerthanVaz,the
Britishduofeaturing
AlisonMoyetandbandmateVinceClark,who
laterformedErasure.
Thepairvirtuallyreinventedthe newwave
dancemusicscene
in 1982.NowMoyet,
whoseaward-winning
voiceis still enthralling,
is backwith a Vazreuniontour andthis new
soloalbum.Theformer
soul-punkprincessis It's rare to find artists who can carve out a lifelong career in the
all grownup but is still music industry while being openly queer, but this month's feaemotionally
compel- tured singer-songwriters have all done just that. Listening to
lingandfull of youthful these albums by Amy Ray, Kaia Wilson and Ferron is like getting
abandon.Hersoul-pop- together with old friends.
Frenchballadeerstyle
will captivatebotholdDidn't It Feel Kinder, Amy Ray (Daemon Records):
schoolfansandthose
wholovecontemporary On this, her third solo studio venture away from the Indigo
women'smusic.Even Girls, Ray spreads her wings a bit, musically and lyrically, and
better,MuteRecords offers one of her most compelling albums yet. Working with a
alsocelebrated
the producer (Greg Griffith) for the first time, Ray explores a wide
reunionof Vazby range of sounds and styles, with contributors like Melissa York
releasingIn YourRoom, (the Butchies, Ex-Members), Kaia Wilson (the Butchies, Team
a four-discboxsetof Dresch), Brandi Carlile, Tomi Martin (Three5Human) and the
studioalbums,B-sides band Arizona. Like her previous albums, Stag and Prom, it's an
andrarities.(alison- intimate set, but Ray pushes herself even further, emotionally
moyet.com)
- Diane
and vocally, on introspective cuts like "She's Got to Be;' with its
Anderson-Minshall
74
I curve
a while since we've heard from Kaia Wilson.
This fourth solo album has been anticipated since the Butchies went on hiatus back
in 2005, but it was well worth the wait. The
confessional lyrics and sparse instrumentation of her previous solo discs, Kaia and
Oregon, can be found again here, ranging
from acoustic pop songs and country ballads to indie-folk tunes and atmospheric
anthems. The 40-minute, 14-track album
is largely filled with love songs,"some of them
with undertones ofloss and grief, the mixture
of excitement and guardedness we have
when falling in love... whatever that really
means;' says Wilson. Highlights include
the twangy roadtrip sing-along "Dogs/
Trucks;• the harmonica-filled epic "Montana;' and the catchy vocals of'I Got You;' with its poignant lyrics and breathy delivery.
There's even a tender instrumental to close out the set ("Get the
Ball Snackie!"), and Butchies fans will recognize "Everything/
Everywhere" from Make Yr Life, albeit in a stripped-down, abbreviated form. The CD also comes with a coupon for a free
download of the bonus album I Think I'm Alone Now, containing
a career-spanning retrospective of demos, outtakes, compilation
tracks, covers and "potentially embarrassing moments:' This is
Kaia doing what she does best. Dive in. (kaiawilson.com)
Boulder, Ferron (Short Story Records): Produced by
Bitch, this 12-track album is the outgrowth of the recent collaboration between these two women's music stars of different
generations, and is the debut release on Bitch's new indie label.
Canadian folk legend Ferron is a songwriting treasure, and this
set extends her legacy to 14 albums of Dylan-esque wordsmith-
smoldering soul-blues twang and her evocative falsetto delivery.
ing and intricate guitar picking. With contributions by the all-
While musically bridging the gap between pop, punk and hip-
stars of the contemporary women's music scene, including Ani
hop, "Bus Bus" is a sweet, danceable love letter offering a behind-
DiFranco, the Indigo Girls, Samantha Parton of the Be Good
the-scenes glimpse at her life on the road. Some cuts go a more
Tanyas, Le Tigre's JD Samson, Ulali's Jennifer Kreisberg and
political route, like "Who Sold the Gun;' with its references to
Soni Moreno, Lyndell Montgomery and the ever-present Julie
the Virginia Tech massacre and its ponderings on our violent
Wolf, Boulder mines 11 of Ferron's finest previously released
society, while "SLC Radio" describes a tour stop in a religiously
songs plus a new cover of Bitch's "Highway:' Longtime fans will
conservative area, where Ray reached out of her comfort zone to
appreciate innovative interpretations
connect with the kids of the "LDS nation:' But the opening song,
Mountain;' and the soulful, electronic co-production of Samson
the soaring"Birds of a Feather;' probably best sums up what this
on "In the Meantime;' while other chestnuts get more traditional
of favorites like "Misty
album, Ray and her career have been about, asking: "If we are
full-band treatments. Recorded by Bitch in her RV studio on a
birds of a feather, why can't we migrate:'/ ... Why can't we fly in
laptop, with one microphone, this disc is a beautiful gathering of
formation or just be friends on the way( This disc is Amy Ray in
her prime. (amy-ray.com)
but also a genius, worthy of our respect. (ferrononline.com) ■
our collective tribe that does Ferron justice as not just an elder
Q+A
OTHER LICKS
createfun,danceableparty
tunesthat alsohavelyrical
depth.Thisnewclub-geared
set is no exception;in fact, it's
oneof herbest,particularlythe
ScumFrog-produced
"Highand
Mighty,"andBasement
Jaxx
collaboration
"RockingChair."
Shejust keepsgettingbetter
with age.(cyndilauper.com)
Hummingbird,
Go!Theresa
Andersson
(BasinStreet):
TheSwedish-born
NewOrleans
favoritedeliversa sumptuous
12-trackerthat rangesfrom
the vintageR&Bdoo-wopof
"Introducingthe Kitchenettes"
andslideguitarretro-elegance
of "Hi-Low,"to the funky
backbeatof "BirdsFlyAway."
Theinfectious"NaNaNa"is
alreadya viral hit onYouTube,
mesmerizingly
showing
(Wrasse):
Anderssonplayingeverysingle Alive,Sa Dingding
Whethershesingsin Chinese,
instrumentin herkitchen.
Tibetanor herownself-created
(theresaandersson.
com)
language,the Mongolian-born
singer-songwriter-producer
deliversa highlyspiritual,
hypnoticblendof Eastern
instrumentationandWestern
electronicbeatsfor a distinctive
globalgroove.(sadingding.co.uk)
Catie Curtis
Catie Curtis has been releasing top-notch folk-pop
for close to two decades. Her latest album, Sweet
Life,lives up to its title. Its 12 songs seem to radiate
unbridled enthusiasm, domestic tranquility and
fresh possibilities. Curtis is no Pollyanna, though.
She is quick to qualify the album's optimism,
stating that she "probably wouldn't have written
a record this positive if things were going great
in the world:' Curtis lives in Boston with her
partner, Elizabeth, whom she recently married,
and their two adopted daughters, Lucy and Celia.
- Dave Steinfeld
Sweet Life is a very positive album. In the
song "Happy," you sing, "Take the weight
off of your shoulders, I'll show you how." I
found myself saying, "Catie, please show
me how!"
I know. I myself am wondering that as I speak,
since I am also the hyper-vigilant type. All I
know is that when I'm playing music, listening
to music or otherwise connecting with someone, I'm not worrying. In our culture,
it's like we think we can protect ourselves if we worry. Maybe I'm just celebrating
the good old-fashioned distraction technique, but being on the road for many
years, I have seen that music and community seem to help us to get over ourselves
long enough to experience some happiness.
On a similar note, how do you instill a sense of optimism in your two young
daughters, considering that this world is in such a precarious place?
It seems like young people have an inherent sense of optimism, and it's our job to
Crayons,
DonnaSummer
(Sony/BMG):
Withthe Ziggy
Marleyspunked-up,
reggaetingedtitle t:ut,the Madonnaflavored"Mr.Music"andthe
hand-clapping
leadsingle
"StampYourFeet,"this 12-song
pop-dancesetfromthe veteran
divais surprisingly
worthyof
containingthe self-aggrandizing I LoveYou,n.a.+ a.n. (selfreleased):
Theself-described
"TheQueenIs Back."Indeed,
"feminist,electro-quirk,mocksheis. (donnasummer.
com)
rock" queerduoof Natalie
AgeeandAimeeNorwichoffer
bothexperimentaland melodic
popfare on this debutnine-cut
disc."Natalie!"is the cutest,
sweetestlovesongever
sungby a unicorn-boiabout
a dreamgirl, while "Kissing
Pool"is a jangling,distorted
BringYato theBrink,Cyndi
two-stepjam. (naplusan.com)
Lauper(Epic):Lauperis one
-MC
of the few popartistswhocan
nurture it rather than crush it. My kids, who are only 4 and 6, haven't really
been exposed to the state of things in the world. They're still like, "Look, an inch
worm!" or "She's picking her nose!"
I admire the matter-of-fact way you handle being an out lesbian. Were
you always so open, or was it more difficult when you were younger?
There was a whole year when I first signed to EMI/Guardian
Records, when I had a
deer-in-the-headlights feeling whenever the word"lesbian'' came up in interviews.
But that was 1996. Times have changed, and now I've had a lot of practice talking
about my personal life. I find that the more confident and candid I can be about
it, the more mutually graceful the conversation.
Tell me a little bit about your "sweet life," if you would. When you're not
on tour, what is your day-to-day life like?
Music is my job, and I work on it pretty much full-time, even when I'm home. But
since I'm self-employed, I'm standing there at the elementary school at 2:30 p.m.,
picking up my 6-year-old with all the other moms. In our town ... there are several
school principals who are out lesbians, most of whom have kids. Were like a dime
a dozen around here. Some kids are jealous that our kids have two moms. My
partner is an educator, and we spend a couple months a year at a summer camp
in Michigan that she directs. So I guess we're kind of a cliche ... folk singer, camp
director. Other than that, I am really into going out to hear music, and I can't say
no to a good gin martini. ■
October 2008
I 75
Reviews
Tech Girl
The Final Cut
I
Home movies just got cool. By Katie Peoples and Diane Anderson~ Minshall
The holidays are just around the corner and what better way to prep for them than by brushing up on your camcorder
skills? These pocket-size puppies will get the job done on the go, with their intuitive controls and easy uploads. Become
your own YouTube director and who knows? You could be the next lonelygirl15.
DXG-567V High Definition Digital
Video Camera: This digital camcorder is
will be ready for sharing on MySpace,
roughly the size of an iPod and comes with
it just looks so darn adorable. ($180,
oodles of features. It takes video in HD,
flipvideo.com)
YouTube
and
AOL
instantly.
And
supports SD cards and has 32 megabytes of
fl.ash memory. The flip-out USB connector
Vado Pocket Video Cam· It's cute,
makes uploading to your computer a snap.
lightweight and funky, and if you're like me
The screen on the backside may be tiny, but
and can't get beyond the bulky feel of most
you can plug the DXG into any TV and get
camcorders, you'll love it. Creative's new
great picture quality. It comes with a replaceable battery, so it's a bit bulky, but this is an
cam is ultra-slim so it'll fit in your pocket
added bonus if you travel a lot, since you
(the cute girl at Pride, your nephew's first
and you'll never miss that perfect moment
won't have to deal with chargers.
words,
It also comes in four colors: black,
dented your Vespa), and
red, pink and our favorite-blue.
it records for two hours
Windows
before needing a recharge.
Vista, XP
required.
($130, dxgrechusa.com)
that
prick
who
The best part is that it
recharges through your USB
Fl"pVideo Mino Camcorder This camcorder was a delight to
port. OK, it only has a 2X
play with. With 2 gigabytes of fl.ashmemory, this pocket-size record-
zoom, but it's great in low
er took video instantly, without any set-up. It's 40 percent smaller
light (not to sound like a
than Flip's Ultra series and weighs 3.3 ounces. It is clearly intended
stalker, but you'll be able to
for the casual user, but don't let that fool you-the
quality is great,
capture hotties at clubs) and
and the touch-sensitive controls work effortlessly. It comes with con-
you can post to YouTube or
nectors for viewing on TV and the flip-out USB connector will let
PhotoBucket in minutes. Easy on the eyes
you upload to any Mac or PC. With built-in formats, your videos
(in silver or pink) and the pocketbook. ($99, creative.com) ■
HOW TO MAKE GREAT VIDEOS: TIPS FROM A LESBIAN PRO
O What'sthebestangleto shoot
fromwhenfilmingkids,concerts
andscenery?
Foranyeventyoushootthatyou
planon editing-evena simpleedit
in a programlikeAdobePremiere
or
iMovie-there'sa
simpleformula:long
shotor "wideestablishing,"mediumshot
or "master"anda
seriesof close-ups
(notonlyto showthe
subjects,butalsoto
createan atmosphere,likea CUof
peoplewatchingthe
76
I curve
big-screenmonitorsimulcasting
the performance,
a flagwaving,a
popcornvendor).
Thoseshotsare
greatfor puttingin a smallsequence
at the beginning,
thento coverany
editsyoumayneedto doto piece
the mediumor mainshotstogether.
8 Howdoyoukeepthe
camerasteady?Whatdo
youdoif youdon'thavea
tripod?
Thetrickthe prosuseis
easy.A sandbag.
It'sa
pieceof $25equipment
youcankeepin yourcar,
putdownonalmostany
surface(because
it's sand)and
it snugsupwhenyouplacethe
camera-no matterthesize-on it.
Personally,
I amconstantly
just using
flat surfaces-I just makesureit's
aroundmyeyeline.
for about$6.GE
brandis particularlygood.When
I shotat Dinah
ShoreWeekend
thisyear,thisis
whatI used.When
0 Whatcanyouusefor impromptu I'd goto a hotel
lightsources?
roomto do interviews(theoneswith
IleneChaikenor JaneLynch),I just
Mylatesthotsecretis actuallytwo
switchedoutthebulbin theirroom
things.A bouncecardor a bigpiece
of posterboardfromyourlocaldrug- lampsto oneof thesebabies,took
andtheputthem
store(forabout$2)andoneof those offthe lampshade
between
thatandthe bouncecard
clear,light,fluorescent
spiralbulbs
thataregettingpopularnowbecause for a wonderfulcleanlight.- J.D.
Disalvatore
is a lesbianHollywood
of theirenergyefficiency.
They're
alsoavailable
at yourlocaldrugstore producerandfilmmaker.
I Tried It Reviews
It's Not All in Your Head
Energy therapy might be the cure you've been looking for. I By Stephanie Schroeder
I called Brooklyn's Namaste Yoga and Tranquility Center (namastewilliamsburg.com) to inquire about craniosacral therapy. I was "collecting" alternative therapies to help with several health concerns. Namaste owner Debbie
Desmond suggested I come on a weekend to see their cranio practitioner,
Chase-lyn. With no real idea of what I was in for, and armed with common
misconceptions about craniosacral therapy, I hopped the New York City subway to Williamsburg to get my head examined.
It turns out, craniosacral therapy isn't much about the head at all, unless
you count the healing power of the mind as part of a belief in holistic therapies
to cure what ails you. Desmond informed me that the technique is related to
acupressure, where specific pressure points on the body are manipulated to
release toxins from the cerebral spinal fluids. It is not a massage, but rather
a light, hands-on application that alters the body's energy through touching.
This type of therapy is great for tension-related issues such as TMJ, back pain
or sports injuries. It is also beneficial for anxiety and neurological conditions.
Just wanting to indulge in a treatment that will make you calmer and more
balanced ain't a bad reason for craniosacral, either.
When Chase-lyn arrived, I was escorted into a tranquil treatment room
with calming music and delicious-smelling aromatherapy. Fully dressed, I lay
on my back on the table and got ready for a head massage of some sort, but
Chase-lyn, a licensed massage therapist who does energy work in addition
to craniosacral therapy, barely touched me. Instead, she used the light touch
Desmond had told me about, working with energy in areas where she felt
tension. I hadn't told her about any of my maladies, but she zoomed in on all
of them immediately. She explained that the small shifts she was making in
my fascia (muscle-connecting tissue) and oscoxa (hip bones) would resonate
throughout my body on many levels, including the emotional one. Chaselyn told me a craniosacral therapist holds a patient's energy and supports her
emotional and physical pain for moments at a time. "The best candidate for
craniosacral therapy is someone willing to be an active participant in her own
healing process, even when it gets emotionally painful;' she said.
Chase-lyn completed her training in craniosacral therapy at the Upledger
Institute, which was founded by Dr. John E. Upledger, the father of craniosacral therapy.
For a different perspective, I made an appointment with Dr. Kate Klemer,
a doctor of chiropractic as well as a registered craniosacral therapist. Klemer,
who also trained at Upledger, uses a biodynamic approach, and has advanced
craniosacral training in the Sutherland-Sills
method. Klemer explained
Upledger's original concept: The cerebral spinal fluid and the bones and connective tissues Chase-lyn had told me about can be manipulated to change the
energy in the body and promote balance.
In the biodynamic method, rhythms, impulses and motion ("tides" in ther-
A craniosacraltherapistsupportsa
patient'semotionaland physicalpain for
momentsat a time. The best candidate
is someonewillingto be an active
participantin her own healingprocess.
apeutic lingo) are used to go deeper and widen awareness ( think consciousness-raising for the body). Klemer held my head in her hands while I focused
re-educational-exercise
0
on my-own mind. Her touch affected me deeply. Afterward, I walked out into
beginning than a complete treatment.
i
the New York air feeling totally rejuvenated.
Chase-lyn's warm and fuzzy treatment left me so relaxed and pain-free
my practitioners, I was able to let go and put myself in their hands, literally. I
~
that I slept for 16 hours afterward. I was obviously in need of that type of
would recommend craniosacral therapy to anyone interested in committing to
m
physical release. Klemer's treatment was more an educational-or
her own long-term healing, whether physical, emotional or both. ■
~
rather,
of my muscles and body energy. It was more of a
As soon as the myths about this once-controversial therapy were busted by
October 2008
I
77
Goodbye continued from page 25
A Run-in With the Big C continued from page 28 __
_
Twilight Years continued from--'p_a~g_e_4_0
______
_
We called Heather's doctor for a death cer-
On Monday, I called the doctor's office at 9 a.m.
Each household takes its turn at least once a year
tificate, and placed obituaries in the local news-
and got an urgent care appointment. All I had to
to host a barbecue or gathering. The whole com-
papers. One of the papers objected to the phrase
"surrounded by her lesbian sisters;' but after some
say was that I'd found a new lump, and they had
munity joins together at least a few times a year for
me scheduled for the next day. (There's a tip for
a toy boat regatta in the center of the pond.
terse exchanges, the notice was accepted as written,
those of you who have trouble getting in to see
with apologies.
Along with 20 other lesbians, Heather had pur-
your doctor.)
chased a plot in a country cemetery. Hers would
be our first burial in what we call our "lesoleum:'
before, and that was the day after Christmas in
gays and lesbians of a certain age didn't really have a
2006, when I passed a kidney stone that forced me
chance to behave as freely in public as today's young
Funeral directors had been totally unhelpful about
to spend my holiday in the local emergency room.
adults. Leblanc recalls what was then a much more
selling coffins to us, but luckily, someone in the com-
I remember that my docto~ looked at my stone
cautious, risky process of coming out, including
munity had already booked one 'Just in case:'
briefly in the Ziploc bag I had placed it in and
the ritual at New York City's gay and lesbian bars
At home, we put a dropcloth over the dining
immediately tossed the whole lot in the waste-
of fleeing upon getting word that the police were
table and applied a white undercoat to the coffin.
basket. When I asked her if she shouldn't have it
coming. "I come from that, and it takes a while to
All weekend, dozens of lesbians painted it with
analyzed, she said, "What for? I know what it is:'
feel comfortable, even in here, chat you don't have to
loving tributes-dance
I think she should at least have pretended it was
look over your shoulder to see who's watching:'
shoes, many trees and
birds, night skies, dogs, veggie plots, rainbows, les-
"I think it's an absolutely marvelous place to be
an adult lesbian;' says Jean.
I had only seen my general practitioner once
interesting and then thrown it away after I left.
Sounds so simple-and
yet, as Leblanc explains,
Head about 100 miles south,
bian symbols aplenty. We attached some wooden
Anyway, on this second visit, she felt around my
to Fort Myers, and lesbian retire-
animals chat Heather had carved. Friends remi-
chest a little and then handed me a referral for a
nisced and visited Heather in her bedroom. The
mammogram. She asked me when my last mam-
ment and vacation living gets
even more "lesbian:' The Resort
eulogy-giver tweaked her speech.
mogram had been and I told her that this would be
on Carefree Boulevard, founded
Heather's own station wagon made a perfect
my first one. Apparently, you are supposed to get
in the late 1990s, is a community
hearse: There was room for the coffin as well as
yearly mammograms after the age of 40, or sooner
of nearly 300 lesbians ages 40 to
the cooler, the lunches and a couple of shovels. We
if you have a family history of certain cancers. Then
85-some
headed for an innercity church, remembering to
again, I was supposed to get yearly physicals, too.
living in second homes there and
take the right documents-we
sure didn't want to
explain our cargo if we got pulled over.
Many of us felt that the celebration was the
She told me to bring my pelvic exam and mammogram results back to her in a couple of weeks to
discuss the options.
fully retired, some
others renting an RV spot or a
cottage on vacation.
The community
is the brainchild of Gina
most satisfying and authentic ceremony we had
Options? What was that supposed to mean?
Razete, who built it in the late 1990s with her part-
ever attended: We listened to Heather's choice of
Wasn't she supposed to say it was probably noth-
ner, Cathy Groene. Razete describes the resort as
music, sang, heard the eulogy and readings from
ing and we would likely never see each other again?
"a vacation in and of itself;' with a party mood not
Heather's poetry, saw a slide show of photos gath-
And what pelvic exam? I started to worry the slight-
unlike what you'd find on an Olivia cruise.
ered from around the country and made lots of new
est little bit.
Parties are happening nonstop, and the Resort
and renewed friendships around the open coffin.
The next day, I noticed that the lump was a lot
frequently brings in well-known lesbian performers to put on shows just for the residents. Though
After a dance (another of Heather's requests), our
smaller than it had been than the previous few days.
procession of cars made the final drive to the ceme-
According to the websites, this was reason for cau-
the style of living is a bit too inward and removed
tery. En route, we stopped at a bakery for some for-
tious optimism, as a change in lump size is indica-
from mainstream society for some lesbians like
tifying pastries; someone leaned out the window to
tive of a hormone-activated cyst.
ask jokingly if Heather wanted a snack.
We encircled the grave, sang more songs, shed
Leblanc, who turned instead to Palms of Manasota's
I was tempted to go back into my cave in Denial
Land, but it was too late-my
girl had found me
more tears and gently lowered Heather into her
out and would not let me get past this mess without
grave with the straps left there for us by the grave-
some test results.
gender-mixing environment, it's a dream come true
for many others, Razete says.
"I can't say that I expected the excitement and
the happiness everybody seems to have down there
diggers. We could have dug the grave ourselves, but
A few days later, I saw my gynecologist for my
once I saw how deep it was, I felt nothing but grati-
first pelvic exam in a decade. She opened her Mary
from her office in Boone, N.C., the site of the couple's
tude for the Bobcat.
Poppins all-steel umbrella in my twat, snatched a
second retirement community. "They have so much
fun. They are all having the times of their lives:'
in a spot where they can be themselves;' says Razete
The whole funeral cost about $2,000. For this,
piece of flesh from my innards and told me I would
we gave Heather exactly what she had wished for,
hear from her if anything abnormal turned up. I
With the coming addition of a continuing-
and we were able to say goodbye genuinely and
was hoping she would give me some encouraging
care retirement facility in Sarasota, constructed
lovingly.
words about my now-shrinking lump, but she sent
by the international federation of Metropolitan
Now we're planning to produce our own good,
cheap coffins; we've bought a sample from the
Jewish burial service-it's
me off with nothing but an admonition about com-
Community Churches, southwest Florida will be-
ing back before menopause. Hardy-har.
come an area with "settle-down'' appeal to the full
doubling as a broom
What happened at the mammogram? I haven't
cupboard until needed. On the first anniversary
gone yet. My deadline for this column comes before
of Heather's death, we'll install a bird bath with
my appointment. I will let you know-but
a plaque on her grave, and we'll feel thankful for
way, this isn't about me. It's about you.
her lessons on how to care well and how to die
well. - Sarah Yeomans
78
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THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
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Mia Kirshner to talk about her heart-
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femicide in North America. And we scored this great rockin' cover photo to go with it: edgy, sexy, cool.
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Is she wearing fur?''Hell, no!" says Kirshner. "Now I would not even wear something that looks like fur:'
CuRVE is one of the few commercial magazines in the country that has had a staunch anti-fur policy since the magazine began 18 years ago. We've been long-time political (and financial) supporters of
Urv'
18 "'JlHIBE
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1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, California 94103
Phone 415-863-6538 Facsimile 41 5-863-1609
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Every issue we try to get a little bit of controversy in the magazine but chis month's hot button topic was
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1
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vegetarian or plain old animal lovers (my jacket above isn't even leather). Thankfully, Kirshner is an antifur advocate, too.
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Check out furisdead.com. You only had to look at last summer's headlines-in
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see how dead it is.
Illustrators Phil Cho, Katherine Streeter
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would understand what groups like PETA have long said: faux fur is a great alternative to real fur and
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Since we didn't want you to have another reason to hate Jenny Schecter ( or the actor who plays her)
we're making sure you know Kirshner doesn't support fur and neither do we. I'm not always political, but
in this point I'm clear: Animals are not ours to wear.
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Features Oc ober 2008
"I realizethis
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don't like
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Maybe you
can help
me figure
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becauseI
thinkI'llbe
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42
M K1rsh11r
age4o
Tomboy Tila Tequila Now that her shot at love is
over, Tila Tequila is ready to saturate the music
industry and the bookshelves. Plus: An interview
with fan favorite Rizzo. By Diane Anderson-Minshall
Volume 18#8
13
5
Office Party Two experts show you how to make
sure your gay-friendly employer is no fair-weather
friend. By Rachel Beebe
5
It's a Woman's World This chick breaks the glass
ceiling. By Kelsy Chauvin
5
My Bodyguard Security guard Dana Picore takes
on the big boys. By Beth Dreher
6
She's Got Wood Brenda Hall knows how to work
a dining table. By Lina Swislocki
Anderson-Minshall
6
Gone Fishing A guided tour through one of
Florida's biggest secrets: a Greek fishing village. By
Down on the Farm Author Catherine Friend dishes
about raising the meat you eat. By Catherine Plato
6
I'll Raise You a Dollar Seattle auctioneer Laura
Michalek will keep you tongue tied. By Talia Phillips
6
Production Values We get the lowdown on the
daily grind of one lesbian Hollywood producer. By
J. 0. Disalvatore
and Colleen M. Lee
46
COVER: On The L Word Mia Kirshner plays up her
role as Jenny Schecter. But in real life, she's fighting
to change the world. By Katie Peoples
Th
3
3
Key West Dreams We go where the girls play in
Key West. You may never want to leave. By Diane
Jaymee R. Cuti
3
Miami Heat Think you know Miami? We've got the
skinny on America's gay Riviera. By Edie Stull
3
Into the Deep Dive into Venice, Florida for the
finds of your life. By Sheryl Kay
6
Forever Young Aging lesbians redefine the ol'
Florida retirement stereotype. By Christine Hawes
Best in Show These breeders love the ladies and
their dogs. By Kathy Beige
66
Book 'Em Bold Strokes and Bella Books veterans
tell all about the cutthroat business of publishing. By
Cheryl Craig
6
Going Green in the Deep Blue The founder of a
new ecofriendly lesbian cruise line tells us all about
the politics of vacation. By Katie Peoples
40
50
Sordid Lifers We sit down with the stars of the
new Logo series Sordid Lives:
and
By Diane Anderson-Minshall and Colleen M. Lee
4
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Frankly Speaking Seriously, it's not fur!
22
Lipstick & Dipstick One hetero-married
lesbian in love with another. What to do?
32
Wedding Bells We've got snapshots
from around California's marriage frenzy.
8
Letters Readers write back, plus a special thank-you.
23
Ask Fairy Butch A girlfriend's Internet
buddies have one lady stressed.
68
Sapphic Screen Films from France,
Croatia and Texas (like Terrorist SheFreaks, above) will get you riled up.
24
Health Find out what's in that cancer stick
you're smokin' and how to join Love's army.
71
In the Stacks Coco Fusco tackles women in the military and Janis Ian gets real
about the music industry.
74
Music Watch Kaia Wilson, Amy Ray and
Ferron keep on rockin' in the queer world.
Plus, exclusive Catie Curtis interview.
76
Tech Girl We flipped over these snazzy
new camcorders. Plus, get some expert
tips on how to improve your camera
work.
77
I Tried It Craniosacral therapy will have
you wondering, Is it all in my head?
1O Contributors
we love.
This month: the interns
14 Scene Photo ops from some of the most
happening events.
25
Life Do-it-yourself culture hits the funeral
market. Is it legal where you are?
26
Astro Grrl Scorpio girls are set to sting.
Curvatures Quick hits on how to get
inspired, fed and embarrassed, if that's
your thing.
27
Relationships: The Lesbian Parent
Trap What to expect when you are expecting-or she is.
18 Open Studio Chicago's Angela Gasperi
creates and gives back.
28
16
17
21
6
Out in Front Three radical women making a difference.
Lesbofile Jocelyn Voo updates you on
the sweet sounds of queer gossip.
I curve
30
Dyke Drama Michele Fisher's latest
medical drama is a little more realistic than
Grey's Anatomy.
Politics Victoria Brownworth has a voting
surprise come November.
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pulling-wink, wink)
31% Lv ,er arI Haters
CroppedOust I just finished reading Ms. Brownworth's piece, "Why Do They
like Ellen's) Hate Ust [Vol. 18 #6]. It moved me to tears. As one who has
general contempt for women [Vol. 18 #6]. Sen. Hillary Clinton
followed this election campaign very closely, I have been horri-
the campaign for the Democratic nomination. I am convinced
fied and furious at the treatment of an attorney who worked for
that if Sen. Barack Obama were a woman, any chance of his be-
20%
Fauxhawk(rebellious, poor women and children, a former first lady of Arkansas, a forbut nottoo much)
3%
Victoria Brownworth is sadly correct in her assessment of the
deserves many kudos for her tenacity and courage throughout
ing elected president would fail, even if his positions on the is-
mer first lady of the United States and a two-term sitting United
sues remained the same. Hey, and thanks for producing a great
States senator by the mainstream media, Sen. Barack Obama
magazine! It is a happy day when
and the Democratic National Committee. It is simply stagger-
Bald(so
androgynous) ing how accepted sexism-even
misogyny-is
CURVE
arrives.
- BarbaraYunker,Huntington Beach,Calif.
in this country. It
is mind-boggling that the mainstream media can make demean-
Bi thP-Way
ing, disparaging remarks about a senator because she is a woman.
I know you can't hear me, but I'm clapping. Why am I clap-
Mullet(businessin the Thank you, Ms. Brownworth, for writing what many of us have
front,partyin the back) experienced, and for pointing out the cruel facts of what it means
ping? The articles on bi women in the July/ August issue [Vol.
to be a woman in this country, in this world. We have much,
ping through the issue to see what was there, and then when
much work to do.
I did see the six and three-quarters
2%
*According
to a
curvemag.
compoll
- The Rev. Amy]. Samonds,Edisto Island, S.C.
18 #6]. First of all, I couldn't believe my eyes when I was flippages dedicated to us, I
proceeded with caution. I've gotten my hopes up before when I
spied articles mentioning us bi women, only to walk away feeling
further alienated and invisible after reading the contents. Not
Thanks for the Memories
so this time. I just wanted to say thanks. I'd like to see more, of
course, maybe some profiles of those ladies who are leaders in
A special thank you goes out to Karen Gonzalez and April Peterson of
Escondido, Calif. Karen and April, loyal readers since day one, have
generously given us their complete set of cuRvE'sback issues.
Their donation is a great help in keeping cuRvE'shistory alive-and
could curb the office-wide panic when anyone moves, touches or
breathes on our lone copy of certain issues.
It is remarkable that we have readers
who have been with us since the very beginning, reading (and somehow storing!) every issue, as cuRvEhas evolved over the last
18 years. Many issues are now out of print,
so it is a relief to have these archived magazines either here or at historical institutions.
Thanks again to Karen and April (pictured
here at this year's San Diego Pride) for their
loyalty and generosity.
our community.
- Kelly, via email
What a thrill to see so many good articles on and by bi women
in your pages this issue [Vol. 18 #6]! I'm the only bi member of a
small queer women's writing collective, Woman-Stirred (womanstirred.blogspot.com),
but the supportive atmosphere of our
group, rarely translates into the larger lesbian literary scene.
After decades of being treated like a third-class hanger-on at
best, and like a pariah at worst, being welcomed into a national
lesbian magazine feels like coming home.
- Jan Steckel,Oakland, Calif.
Last I checked, on the cover under the title of your magazine is
the line "The best-selling lesbian magazine:' But in the past few
months, every time I've flipped through the pages, I feel like I'm
reading a bisexual magazine, which is not what I subscribe to
BI curve
MUSIC AND CULTURE FESTIVAL
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NEW TOUR.
ANI DIFRANCO.
Win a pair of tix to Ani's Chicago show on
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SEPTEMBER23-27
ESTROJAM.ORG
2008
Letters
read. I understand chat bisexuals are a very important part of the LGBT community, but you don't
write your magazine for gay men or transgender
every nerve in the mind and body,
Editor's Note: Goodpoint! Denver
PrideFest2009 will beJune 27 and
28-hope we seeyou there!
and visually, they're every lesbian's
wet dream ... music just doesn't
get better than this. Do us all a
people, so why are bisexuals any different? I'm
favor and allocate them the space they truly deserve:
not bi-bashing, but bisexuals and lesbians have
different issues, and I feel that if I purchase a les-
Thanks for another excellent music issue [Vol. 18
bian magazine, then chat's what I should be get-
#6). Since mainstream music publications are such
ting, not a half-lesbian, half-bisexual publication.
a vast testosterone
Furthermore, if you're trying to help the bisexual
ing to read about so many terrific alternative artists
community, featuring Tannille in "The Bisexual
and community groups that are somehow making
a go of it out there. Good for them! But mostly I'd
misconception chat bisexuals are just horny sluts,
like to express my gratitude for the riveting portrait
been chis taken by a photo in
CURVE
since that one
of Fairy Butch several years back, where she was
,-;,
It was my mother-in-law's
Editor's Note: We'refans, too! Check out the exclussive interview we did with Sara Quin in January of
this year [Vol. 18 #l] and at curvemag.com.
of Daniela Sea on your inside back cover. I haven't
- Jessica,Columbus, Ohio
TrP0
- Amanda, Ireland
wasteland, it was so refresh-
Threat" [Vol. 18 #6) only adds to the common
and chat's not helping anyone.
front cover, big interview and plenty of pictures!
birthday and, being
ecoconscious, I wanted to plant her a tree. I came
Email letters@curvemag.com;
write to
CURVE
Letters, 1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco,
looking up appreciatively at some woman in a club,
CA 94103; fax to 415-863-1609.
in a way chat made her simply irresistible.
your name, city and state. Letters may be edited
- Kerry Taggart,Honolulu
Please include
for clarity and length.
across the blurb about Trees for a Change ["The
Gift That Keeps on Growing," Vol. 18 #6). I quickly
I am very excited, as I have just found the July/
C ....
got on the computer and typed in the web address
August [Vol. 18 #6) issue of
The photographer
in the article, only to find chat it was the wrong site.
ting on the floor of a small bookshop in Dublin. It's
Nicole Robbins [Vol.18 #6) was Stephen Phillips,
After a minute of searching I got the correct site,
the only bookshop with a space dedicated to lesbi-
not Paul Montgomery. Iri."She Makes the Whole
and my MILs tree is on its way to Montana! Just
ans, and the only place that sells
Blink and
World Sing" [Vol. 18 #6), Karen Kane was actual-
wanted to let you guys know about the typo, as I
you'll miss it! I'm much delighted with the cover-
ly the assistant engineer on Jade and Sarsaparillas
would hate to see such a needed and wonderful
age of Uh-Huh Her! But, I was really disappointed
only studio album, but did not do live sound for
gifting opportunity go missed. Thanks!
with the meager mention of Tegan and Sara. They
them. The work she did for Janis Ian was a live re-
are the most underappreciated artists of the 21st
cording, but it was not for the National Women's
century. Their music evokes thought and strokes
Music Festival album she recorded in 1999. ■
- Kate Passarelli,Pittsburgh
CURVE
magazine sit-
CURVE.
for the Open Studio featuring
Editor's Note: The correct web address is treesfor-
achange.com.Thanksfor spotting that, Kate!
Williamson Not "Creaky"
o ..
L
Thanks for the awesome "Top Ten" section on
Alicia Champion and Danielle Lo Presti [Vol. 18
#6). Oh my God-they're
awesome, and so hot!
Please cover more about them. Sounds like they're
doing outstanding things and are a real example of
what entertainers should stand for.
- Alexandra Harris, Madison, Wis.
Mi
Thanks for producing such a great magazine month
after month! I wouldn't trade my
CURVE
subscrip-
tion for anything in the world. Why don't you ever
feature Denver PrideFest? I don't ever recall seeing
any information about Denver Pride. Such a huge
event that never gains any mention from
surprising to me.
- JessicaCopeland,Denver
10
I curve
CURVE
is
Toward the end of the article "Is
Women's Music Really Dead?" by
Jamie Anderson [Vol. 18 #6], Cris
Williamson is quoted as saying, "I'd
love to sing 'Waterfall'
for you but I can't. I
want to, but I can't."
Those of you who
have seen her in concert recently (including
us) know that she was
joking about singing
into old age, but we're
afraid that we didn't
convey that very well.
It looks like the writer was saying her
voice hadn't weathered the years.
Far from it! Her voice is still pure and
vibrant, one of the best we've ever
heard. In her contributor's bio, Anderson
mentions how
funny Cris can be.
At a concert in June,
Anderson heard her
joking about getting
older and singing
"Waterfall" with new
words: "Spitting up
and falling over... "
Contributors
"I figured that when I had to send a press request through MySpace, it
would be safe to use my personal account, since I hardly use it;' says editorial assistant KelseyTruman,
who only realized that her display name read
"Profe$$or B00ty" after, oh, five or 10 messages. When not committing
bloopers, she enjoys studying English lit and gender studies at a small university in Indiana and raging the way only a '00s riot grrrl can.
"I love relationship songs written from the perspective of the sane one;'
Editor's Note
Sometimes it seems like we're all
a little crazy in the days heading
up to our press deadline, when our
normally genial work week gives way
to exhausting 16-hour shifts. This
month was no different, especially
given that we had a slew of events to
recover from, three employees were
moving, our subscription manager,
Holly DeMaagd, was at the Michigan
Womyn's Music Festival (that lucky
girl!), production manager Ondine
Kilker was shooting our first TV commercial (rent /tty Bitty Titty Committe
to see it!) and, for the girljocks here,
it was way too distracting that the
2008 Olympics were on the telly.
Regardless, every time we have
the magazine in our hands I know all
the hard work was worth it.
On a side note, occasionally we
struggle to find a great cover. This
month we had more than a few great
options. So a battle ensued (well, a
friendly battle-picture my publisher
and me in a cute pillow fight, if you
will) over whether Mia Kirshner or
Olivia Newton-John should grace the
cover. Sadly, there could be only one
victor, so the crooner and her Sordid
Lives peeps got their own special
section, but not the cover.
Still, the photos of Olivia-equally
glorious at 60 as she was at 20
(God, I hope I look that good in a
few decades) just might get torn
from the mag and posted on the
wall above my bed, right where
that Grease poster used to be.
Diane Anderson-Minshall
12
Icurve
says editorial assistant NatalieBell.A student at San Francisco State
University studying creative writing and journalism, Bell says, "I feel so
lucky to be a part of
CURVE.
Getting a peek at how a magazine is put
together is inspiring:' Bell plans to spend this Christmas in Paris writing
poetry and short stories inspired by her childhood.
"Graduating from journalism school is a scary endeavor these days, and
because I'm from a small town in California's Central Valley,studying photojournalism was a relativelyunconventional choice;' says photo assistant Hayley
McMillen."When
I was a teenager, my bedroom walls were completely covered
in magazine clippings, and I knew at a young age that I wanted to work for a
magazine:• When not in the
CURVE
office, McMillen can be found shooting
multimedia photo stories or riding her Niaja 250.
Photo assistant GregSpeck,22, was born and raised in the Bay Area. He's
currently attending the Academy of Art University in San Francisco. He's a
photographer by trade but enjoys making zines, short films and podcasts and
working on collaborative art projects. His all-time favorite movie is Back to
theFutureand his current favorite book is ExtremelyLoud and IncrediblyClose
by Jonathan Safran Foer. You will usually find him looking through boxes at
garage sales or riding his bike on the busy San Francisco streets.
With a passion for writing and all things lesbian, editorial assistant Rachel
Shattoleapt at the opportunity to get experience at
CURVE
magazine and
says it has more than lived up to her expectations. "Getting the chance to
write about the people and issues I care about is incredibly exciting and rewarding:' When not fact-checking, transcribing or writing tidbits for CURVE,
Rachel is the editor in chief of her college newspaper and an avid video gamer. She claims her cats are very impressed with her RockBand skills.
Finding Sex in Fashion
We couldn't be more excited about season
two of here! TV's hit series, Lesbian Sex and
Sexuality. That's because we're in it. (Did you
love our stint on The L Word? We did, and
this is equally delish!) A film crew followed
two cuRvefashion shoots (Erica Beckman's
r~ck _starsand Kina Williams' candy store girls), interviewing ?ur models (like Chave Alexander, far left), photog~, ed~~ors~nd celebs (like Daniela Sea, left) on what
defines lesbian fashion." Tune in at heretv.com.
It's been an exciting few months for cuRvE,
with some huge changes. Amidst the
great wedding fluny, photo editor Nicole
Teichman (right) married her wife Michelle
(and officially became Mrs. Nicole
Arseneault!). Sadly, this issue is the coup de
grace for senior editor Colleen Lee, who left
us for new adventures right after we went
to press. Thankfully, Katie Peoples decided
to defer her stint in the Peace Corps to stay
on (moving up to managing editor), while
London-based journalist Rachel Beebe (a
Vermont native)
came across the
pond to join our
staff as our new
assistant editor.
That's the two of
them joking around
(Rachel is on the right). We'll miss Colleen dearly, but
expect a lot from this new power duo.
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October 2008
I 13
1 The North Star Roller Girls bust a cap at Minneapolis Pride 2 The Lambda
Literary Awards played host to author JLee Meyer (left), publisher Linda Hill
and author KG MacGregor 3 Two women celebrate newlywed status at the San
Francisco Pride parade 4 Girls galore at CURVE-sponsored QLiterati! at Portland,
Ore:s Q Center. From left: Q Center executive director Kendall Clawson, CURVE
contributor Beren de Motier, our executive editor Diane Anderson-Minshall,
colum-
nist Gina Daggett (aka Lipstick) and Sossity Chiricuzio, founder of Dirty Queer 5
Filmmaker Tamika Miller (left) and journalist-turned-filmmaker
Jasmyne Cannick
C/J
lJJ'
N
looking lovely at Outfest, one of the country's largest LGBT film festivals, in Los
i
Angeles 6 Girls on bikes came out for the Dyke March in San Francisco
:i:
a.
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7 Lipstick and Dipstick flank Margaret Cho at San Francisco Pride 8 The L Words
~·
,..:,
Rose Rollins (right) at Black Pride in Washington D.C., with FRe from FRe2be H.O.T.
0;
;a:.
Entertainment 9 Shelley Hess, a consultant with Tomboy Tools, shows us her package at
()'
the Same Love, Same Rights GLBTQ Wedding Expo and Mobile Marriage Summit in St.
a:~
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Petersburg, Fla.10 Oh no, sexy is under construction at the New York City Pride parade
11 Performer Jennifer Lanier (right) and girlfriend Dustina Haas were crowned Mr. And
Ms. Vancouver Gay Pride in Vancouver, Wash. 12 Her humps, her lovely lady lumps at
Peach Pride Party in Atlanta 13 Participants young and old showed up for the SAGE
(Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders) 30th Birthday and Health Fair in New York City
14 I wanna be a cowgirl like this hottie at the Girls in Wonderland party in Orlando, Fla.
October 2008
I 15
A Voice for the Underserved
Two Sp1 t BUId
At 29 years old, LisabethCastro-Smyth
is
She's sat on picket lines, blocked highways, pro-
Like many, HelenZiaknew early on that she was
already leading the pack. Just a few months ago,
an activist at heart, but she also knew how hard
Castro-Smyth was feted at UC San Francisco,
duced flyers and shouted chants. A product of
the 1960s, MaryLouVanVoorhishas, more than
where she received the Chancellor's Award for
once, worked to deconstruct what she calls "the
LGBT Leadership. No surprises there.
oppressive systems" of the United States.
After two "miserable" years in med school,
Zia dropped out, did a 180 and became a la-
wrote her first protest let-
But Van Voorhis, a member of the Cherokee
borer on a construction site in Boston as part
ter in elementary school and marched with the
Nation, is also a consummate coalition builder,
of an organizing effort to integrate the con-
United Farm Workers in junior high. In college,
spending the past decade as a member, and now
struction trades. She may well have been the
she organized groups against rape, set up wom-
co-director and spiritual advisor, of the Two
first woman of color to do construction work
en's self-defense classes and worked to improve
Spirit Society of Denver.
in Massachusetts.
Castro-Smyth
A group of LGBT American Indians and
From there she went to Detroit, working as
their partners, the Two Spirit Society provides
a large press operator in a stamping plant for
feel I owe a debt to all those LGBTQ people
community
two years until she was laid off. Losing her job
who came before us, who stood up in the face
while confronting issues of homophobia, racism
may have been the best thing to happen to Zia
of violence, so that things might be a little easier
and oppression in both American Indian and
for us now;' she says. "Now it's our turn to stand
non-American Indian communities.
though, because it brought her to journalism.
"That's when I started writing, because
wages and conditions for campus employees.
''I've been inspired by so many people and
outreach
and cultural
education
up and keep fighting for the rights, safety and
Members of the group attend powwows, teach
dignity of our community and the LGBTQ
dance, song and traditions to new members, and
knew-the
folks in the next generation:'
meet socially to make traditional regalia to pre-
were destroyed because of corporate greed and
mismanagement;' Zia says.
To that end, she helped establish Mujeres
serve the arts and crafts of various tribes. They've
de Ambiente: Sociales y Activas, a group that
also been grand marshals of the Gay Pride parade
promotes the well-being, creativity, empower-
in Denver.
nobody was telling the stories of the people I
black and white workers whose lives
With deep passion and enormous talent,
she went on to write for several publications,
ment and liberation of queer Latinas. Castro-
Van Voorhis explains that before the time
including Ms. magazine, where she served as
Smyth also works as part of a team doing
of colonization, two spirit people were consid-
executive editor. She's covered women, politics
bilingual,
ered holy, or touched by the creator. When early
and social justice, gender, sexual orientation,
research with underserved women who have
explorers were introduced to people in this hon-
class and immigration issues.
advanced cancer.
ored position, the explorers were so afraid of
Over the years, Zia has received dozens of
"For those of us in underserved and margin-
them that they killed the two spirit people on
awards and accolades, but she says she's hard-
alized communities, I believe that community-
sight. This forced the native LGBT community
pressed to pick any that stand above the rest.
based research is a way to investigate what we
to go underground.
community-based
participatory
want to know about our own communities,
Although today some homophobia remains,
"What's most meaningful is that the different parts of my life and work have been recog-
lives, needs, health disparities, resiliencies;' she
Van Voorhis says there is a lot more accep-
nized-being
says. "It's a way for all of us to tell our stories:'
tance and recognition than ever before within
of color, Asian American, feminist and human:'
American Indian communities.
"The hope is with the traditional elders, [that)
Icurve
a lesbian, writer, activist, person
Zia says everyone can make a difference, no
matter how big or small the contribution.
they recognize the traditional and rightful place
"Signing a petition, sending an email or let-
that we held in the community;' she says. "We
ter, talking to friends, family, coworkers, making
bring honor, respect and a different perspective
a donation, whatever ... everything makes a ripple
and, taken together, can make a tidal wave:'
as the mediator between and within the sexes:'
16
it would be to make a living as one.
Curvatures
Beyond Mortified
An old love letter inspired Mortified (getmorti-
closely to a girl's misadventures with
fied.com), a movement that encourages people to
boys and applaud when she finally
dig up and expose the secret thoughts they held
comes out of the closet.
onto so tightly in adolescence-and
"I told her that I was pretending
queer women
other folks) are breaking the locks off of their dia-
she was Brad Pitt-though
she felt
more like Gwyneth Paltrow;' reveals
ries from the 1960s to the'90s and, with unflinch-
Cynthia
ing optimism and pre-adolescent candor, daring
crowd, despite her long ago "pact of
are jumping on board. Nationwide, lesbians (and
Brinkman
secrecy" with Kerri, the girl she locked
to convey their most personal experiences.
ful of strangers who want to hear you read your adolescent diary
Though founded by a man (David Nadelberg), Mortified
aloud? Mortified proves we're really all the same: awkward, all-to-
is popular with lesbians, many of whom are eager to see other
human and eager to get laid.
In essence, Mortified is a live show, a celebration of our teen-
because they were still in the closet when they were adolescents,
age years, in which the performers are orators who share their
or don't have diary entries that far back. Still, they spread the word,
previously hidden thoughts, secrets and kinkiness with the public.
hoping more LGBT members will attend future shows.
LGBT folks perform. Some audience members say they don't
In San Francisco, it takes place onstage at, appropriately enough,
I was raving about the show for weeks when I finally con-
the Make-Out Room, in the heart of the Mission district. It is a
vinced my rommate to check it out. After her first show, she
voyeur's dream brought to life by the brave souls who are willing
gushed, "It was indescribable, really; I wished I had [realized]
to recall their teenage yearnings and disappointments.
before-I
would have gone to all of the shows!"
"My whole life is shit ... my self-image is shot ... torn between
Another anonymous Mortified fan explains, ''.After a while,
utter sadness or complete joy, they do not come sold separately.
it becomes like church:' She feels compelled to attend the re-
Life is a place of confining thoughts ... whoever said it's a won-
claiming of adolescence. It makes us believe something fresh is
derful life had no clue at all, because it's not at all!" spills Amber
out there for each of us-something
Milner, one such brave soul, to a breathless crowd.
makes the single woman believe in love again. It makes the couple
It may not be therapy in the traditional sense, but it's the act
release-letting
words float into the ears of peo-
ple who also may need to remember what it feels like to finally
kiss that special someone for the first time.
The Mortified audience is transported
back to the actual
raw and something new. It
remember heartache. As for me, it makes me realize that humanity is-and
has always been-as
horny as ever.
Mortified is a celebration of the universally awkward, raw and
unthinking surge of hope that led us to our first encounters with
ecstasy and inevitable heartache. The Mortified "cast" is there to
experiences of the performers, reliving the fears and thrills
remind us that these experiences exist, whether we are ready to
along with them-and
remember them or not. To get a taste of the action, check out the
as any good friend would, we cheer for
that first taste of tongue or that first brush of breast. We listen
Billedasthe enlightened
sportsdrink,ZicoPure
Coconut
Water(zico.com)
reallydoesmakea great
alternative
to the sugary chugsI'm usedto
drinkingaftera roundof
JillianMichael'sBiggest
Winnerworkoutvideos
Uillianmichaels.com).
Coconutwater,unlike
coconutmilk,is light
tasting,andin Zico's
case,comesinfused
with differentcitrusy
flavors.Soldin 11 ounce
containers
that remind
meof Japanese
sodas,
Zicohaslow acidity,
containsno addedsugar
andclaimsto replace
electrolytes
lostduring
strenuousphysical
activity.I canimagineall
threeflavors-including
myfavorite,passionfruit
andorangepeel-taste
greatin cocktails,too.
lips with in the early '90s.
What could be more mortifying than a room-
of letting go-a
REFRESHMENT
FROM THE
T OPICS
to the hungry
book, Mortified: Love Is a Battlefield. -
CG
-KT
Goodbye to San Francisco's Osento Bathhouse
CURVATURES
WRITTEN
BY
I
7'
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2,
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a
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NatalieBell,Carla
Goldfarb,
Tania
Hammidi,
Colleen
Mccaffrey,John
Pann,KatiePeoples,
KelseyTruman
October 2008
I 17
Angela Gasperi
Angela Gasperi is not afraid of change. Her mission and her art are always evolving.
Gasperi, a 29-year-old Illinois native, works in a variety of media including acrylics, watercolor and photography. Choosing not to limit herself to one medium allows for more freedom of expression, she says. "I feel that each one of my artistic expressions is created with the materials
that would be most effective to get the meaning, feeling, to the viewer:'
Her pieces reveal her wide creative range. Her abstract print In Motion shows stark, curved red and
black lines in the center of the page. Another print uses the same colors, but the lines are more ragged.
Though Gasperi is comfortable in several media, she says painting is her favorite. "I am able to release
myself most effectively while I paint. I try to become a part of the painting:'
Her Back, one of Gasperi's photographs, presents a subject at once near-at-hand and closed off. The
viewer sees a woman's bare back as she lies on a bed-an
undoubtedly intimate setting-but
her face is
turned away, denying the viewer the connection that is hinted at in the frame.
With her work, Gasperi also plays a role in AIDS activism. She has donated pieces to the charity
auction Art Against AIDS, presented by Chicago's Heartland Alliance and intends to "continue to be an
avid participant for the cause:'
Though the media and subjects Gasperi chooses differ from piece to piece, her work generally seems
to originate from one muse: women. "Even though my subject changes, the female body is something that
I am most drawn co;' she says. "This is where I find my inspiration:'
18 I curve
Katy Perry
"I'm kinda saving myself for Miley Cyrus.">> Mus1c·an
y
I S
e
Hola, Chicas
The mainstream media's exploitation of women-and
larly women of color-is
something
particu-
many people are aware
of and discuss at great length, but Chica Luna Productions
is one of the rare organizations
that is actually putting on the
gloves and stepping into the ring to fight it. A nonprofit based
"I feel like people are OK [in Seattle] with you being
who you are-gay, straight, black, white, orange,
green-it doesn't matter. Here, everybody lives
theirown life." > ery w
e ,mes
in New York City, Chica Luna has taken on the job of getting
women of color in the media by training a new generation of
socially conscious female artists.
Cofounded by Elisha Maria Miranda, Sonia Gonzalez and
"Ivy-League homegirl" Sofia Quintero in 2001, Chica Luna seeks
to create and promote socially conscious media and support upand-coming female artists who are accountable to their communities. Each year they run programs that hand a camera and a pen
to young women of color, teaching them to create films and other
media that stay true to their lives and their communities. By giving a voice and visibility to women of color, and producing media
projects based on their actual experiences, instead of stereotypes,
Chica Luna is teaching the profession of progression.
"Planning a wedding is very stressful, I'm realizing.
It's just crazy. Like, my gardener is now invited.
It's just spread, it's huge." > c: n
e
a
na s o
mg planning
"Well, you know, the Army needs a few good felons."
,,,;, oa
arra ,
venaer rr
response to why the Army would rec 1tr p1sts
and murderers but not ho
exuals
Run by a group of fierce women from multiracial backgrounds
and a handful of gloriously determined interns, Chica Luna hosts
its own annual short-film festival and offers an intensive yearlong
program for would-be filmmakers and radio producers. Women
of color from all five boroughs, ages 16 to 25, have the opportunity to take part in the F-Word, a multimedia justice project
where they participate in weekly workshops on media literacy
and filmmaking and learn organizing and advocacy skills.
"We want Chica Luna Productions and everything we stand
for to be the norm, not the exception;' says New Voices fellow
Ana Trinidad. In an effort to further promote its message, Chica
Luna opened a sister studio in 2005 in El Barrio, New York's
Spanish Harlem. Not only does this female-centric group raise
social awareness and empower female artists, but it also raises
some hell. (chicaluna.com) -
CM
"First we met with the actresses and executive producer ... and that was like an hour and a half
meeting. And then we were into the writers'
room with the entire writing staff and a stenographer, just to make sure they got everything.
And they were really intense on understanding
and telling the story line from a source of truth."
>> u
cer
e1 s, o
e
en, on
her role in developing the lesbian story hne on
Grey's Anatomy
October 2008 \ 19
Lesbo ile
Curvatures
Wedding Bells, Slaps and Kisses
These are just some of the sounds we're hearing this month.
I
Lesbofile is evidently PMSing this month, because
everyone's getting emotional. But love us, hate us or
tongue-kiss us and we'll talk about it.
Yes, yes, we know it's old hat-but
a very big,
belated congrats to pioneers DelMartinand Phyllis
Lyon,who were the lucky first couple to wed in
San Francisco under California's new legalization
of same-sex marriage. For those of you who also
tied the knot, we wish you many happy years together.
And for the rest of you couples out there, make
like Portia de Rossiand Emmy-winning
Ellen
DeGeneres
and start planning the big day!
Well, maybe that's too strong a word-but
the
Lost star certainly doesn't appreciate journalists
speculating on her sexuality. "What the majority
of [people] want to know is what I'm doing with
my vagina, and I think that that's sick," Michelle
Rodriguez
told Latina magazine.
"I think that they wonder because I'm such a
tomboy;• she added. 'i\.nd I don't care about what
I look like most of the time. You'll see me walking
around in my jeans for the most part. I'm pretty
much a tough-ass. You don't see that type of shit in
a lot of women:'
Well, that part's true ... especially when you
react to journalists and bloggers who ask you about
your sexuality like this: "I picture them turning into
pigs, slime coming out the side of their mouth, and
bian part. The part that would be hard for me is to
producer Mark Ronson-will
I picture them jerking off;' she says. "I don't answer
commit to a tour because I'm not very comfortable
and top hat. Too bad dad told the Sun his Christian
those questions. I just keep it to myself and it's
being onstage. But the part that would be easiest
faith would prevent him from walking her down the
nobody's business. If I wanna fuck a girl, a boy, a
for me would be to be singing on behalf of all of
aisle. (Michael Lohan is probably too busy with a
dog-that's
us. I don't consider myself to be not gay:'
paternity scandal right now anyway.)
LindsayLohanstill wants to marry lezzie DJ pal
Madonnais an icon to all the flaming gays, but the
Star magazine reported the acmagazine, as Rodriguez's "friend" Kristanna
Loken SamanthaRonson.
tor
and
Ronson
"are
totally playing house and loving
did to The Advocatein 2006.
original Material Girl decided to give some very
my business. That's why there's bath-
don black trousers
room doors:'
And that's also true-unless
your girlfriend
decides to play coy (albeit poorly) to a national
every minute of it:' Laban's parents have cryptically
close, personal attention to one of her female fans
at a private show in France.
acknowledged the relationship and Lohan told Ryan
"Why do I have this relationship with France?"
There's straight, there's gay and then there's "not
Seacrest, on KUS-FM, her birthday wish: "I just
she asked the audience. 'Tm always drawn to work-
least, according to CarlySimon.
When
want to live a happy life and continue on the path
ing with French people-and
the ChicagoFreePressasked the singer if she'd con-
I've been on and be with the person I care about
people! Vive la France( The 50-year-old singer
not gay"-at
frenching French
sider joining the True Colors tour if CyndiLauper and my family:' Australia's Herald Sun reported that
invited her, Simon answered, "Well, the part that
Linds will be sporting a white Chanel mini-dress for
punctuated her sentence with a tongue-probing
I actually could be involved in is the gay and les-
what we call VIP service. ■
20
I
curve
the November nuptials and Ronson-sister
to hit-
kiss for an unidentified female attendee. Now that's
Curvatures
THE RUN DOWN
Lesbian
authorandeditorDiane
J. Salvatorehassteppeddown
fromherpositionaseditorin chief
of LadiesHomeJournalafter
holdingthepostfor sixyears.The
authorof severalnovelsandshort
stories,includingBenediction
and
Love,ZenaBeth,Salvatore
is a
publishing
industryveteran,
with
publications
likeMarieClaire,YM,
GoodHousekeeping,
Redbook
andGlamour
onherresume.Her
exitis partof a majoreditorial
shakeup
at LHJ,according
to
industryinsiders.
Gay,lesbianandtransgender
retireescouldsoonhavea communalhomeallto themselves
in Ballan,
Australia.
Theplanned
LintonEstates,a $26million
retirement
village,will consist
of 120self-contained
unitsand
amenities
likea residents'
gym,
pool,tenniscourt,bowlinggreen
andclubhouse.
TheSeattleOperais hopingto
buildits audience
numbers
by
reaching
outandofferingthree
LGBTnightsat McGraw
Hallduringtheupcoming
season.
Each
LGBTnight,the$100discount
ticketpriceincludesmain-floor
orchestra
seating,a private
intermission
reception-complete
withhorsd'oeuvres,
wineand
dessert-anda pre-showlecture.
Amazing
Racecontestants
PatHendrickson
andKate
LewiswedonJuly9 inVentura,
Calif.Hendrickson,
anordained
deacon,
andLewis,anEpiscopal
priest,werethesecondteam
eliminated
fromtherealityshow's
secondseason.
Theywerewed
in frontof 20guests,including
Hendrickson's
twograndsons.
GLAAD
unveileditsfirst-ever
cablenetwork-ranking
index
onJuly12,puttingFX(probably
because
of Nip/Tuck)
higheston
its list.Eightoutof 10networks
received
passingmarks,including
ABC,withshowslikeUglyBetty,
Desperate
Housewives
and
Brothers
andSisters.
Thetwo
thatfailed?NBCandFox.
-NB andJP
Fuel for Your Fast-Paced Life
Hasyourworkscheduleleftyoustarvingandstruggling
to decidewhetherto eata BigMac,a Whopper
or a BeefBurrito
Supreme?
Orperhapsyou'rea macrobiotic
veganwitha flat tire in Nothing-but-Brisket,
Texas?
Whatever
thecauseof your
hunger,
keepthattummyasfull asyourlife is withtheseenergybars.- KP
KannaBars
SmartMonkeyBars
SOYJOY
Bars
Thesetastytreats
modelthemselves
after
goodold-fashioned
granola
barsandarepackedwith
protein.Whilethe Double
Chocolate
is tasty,the
OrangeCranberry
Almondis :
byfar the bestof Karma's :
selection.
Plusthey're70 \
percentorganic.
:
Despite
theirlow
:
weight,KarmaBarstend
:
to beonthelargeside,and \
theirgranola
texturecan
:
leaveyourmouthdry.Keepa \
bottleof waterhandy.
200calories,
13gramsof protein,6
gramsof fat,4 gramsof
fiber,25 gramsof carbs.
Thesecutely
wrappedbarscomein severalflavors,buttheCarob
Brownieis chocolatey
enoughto satisfymore
thanjustyourappetite.
They'realsoa rawfood
(veganandorganic),
soyou
won'tbetorturedbyhunger
pangswhentheonlyfood
establishment
in sightis a
burgerjoint.
Thesebarsaresmall
andtendto flakein your
mouth.Youmightwantto
packmorethanone.
170calories,
5 gramsof protein,9 grams
of fat,4 gramsof fiber,
23 gramsof carbs.
Theenergybar's
skinnycousin,SOY
JOY
snacksaresuper-slim
and
feather-light
for packing
intopursesor pockets.
Andthesoyanddried
fruit combois delicious,
especially
theAppleflavor,
which,likeall goodsweets,
hasa dashof cinnamon.
WhileSOY
JOYbars
area greatalternative
to
yourtypicalvendingmachinefare,theirdensitywill
makefor a super-chewy
foodbreak.
130to 140calories,
4 gramsof protein,6 grams\
of fat, 3 gramsof fiber,16
gramsof carbs.
MatisseandJack's
PowerSnacks
Theseeasy-to-bake
snacksareextremely
tasty
andcomein Cranberry
and,onestaffer'sfavorite,
Chocolate
Chip.They're
alsolowin fat, contain
organicwholegrains,are
anexcellentsourceof
calciumandironandhave
400milligramsof omega-3
fattyacids.
Whiledelicious,
these
snacksrequirebakingand
aren'tnecessarily
on-thego-friendly.
150to 160calories,
7 gramsof protein,2 to 3.5
gramsof fat,3 gramsof
fiber,26 gramsof carbs.
WHAT'S HOT: Sexy Halloween Costumes
Halloween
is the perfecttimeto playdressupwiththe helpof Shirleyof Hollywood's
hot
storybook-inspired
costumes
(shirleyofhollywood.com).
Yes,we know,youmaybemore
commonly
foundin butchiergear(lastyearscoresof lesbianswereHarryPotter,Sponge
Bobanda firefighterala DaniCampbell).
ButShirley'svastcatalogof cute,sexycostumesis sureto setyouapartfromthegothsandtheghouls.You'llhaveyourpickof
thetuffetswhenyouhit the partyasLittleMissMuffet.Orgeta grouptogether
asthecastof ShirleyinWonderland,
completewiththeQueenof Hearts,
the
MadHatterandtheCheshire
Cat-madnesswasneversexier.There'salso
a Sinderella
costumeandSleeping
Beauty.Beadvised,
though,if you
choosethesexyLittle(Les)Bo
Peepgarb,theflockis sureto befollowingyouaroundall night.- KT
Advice
Lipstick & Dipstick
Run Off to Rio
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I have a hardcore crush on a friend of mine. We've been
friends for about six years, and my feelings
have deepened for her over the years.
Now comes the fun part. We're both stuck
in marriages that suck. Our husbands are
very much alike, so our sadness and frustration have only brought us closer. Sadly,
she and her family just relocated to the East
Coast because of her husband's job transfer. We were both devastated by this. We
really miss each other and feel a tremendous loss over our separation. She was
recently back in town for a very short visit
and we got together for dinner. After a few
drinks, we were giggly and touchy-feely.
Things were different. I've been physical
with a woman before- it was 20 years ago
and was a very short affair because I was
terrified by it. Over the years, I fought off my
desire to be in a relationship with a woman.
But this time, it's much harder to ignore. I
think about her every day. It's more than a
physical feeling. It's a deeper emotional
connection. I'm afraid to initiate a conversation about this, but I want more from her.
I'm dying to know if she feels the same way.
What to do? Broach the subject? Or buy
lots of C batteries and keep living in Fantasy
Land? - Pining Penny
Lipstick:C batteries? What prehistoric vibrator are
you using? Go immediately to the local sex shop
and get something that was made after 1990. Trust
me on this. Regarding the girl, however, Lipstick
thinks you should rendezvous somewhere private
and warm. Rio? While you're lying on the beach
with your mai tais, roll over and ask her if she's ever
been with a woman. Regardless of her response,
tell her about the experience you had 20 years ago.
not. But either way,
you've got to move.
Do something.
Dear Lipstick and
Dipstick: My
mom
knows I'm a lesbian and she
knows I'm going out with someone-but
she doesn't know who. Well, I happen to
be dating my mom's "enemy's" daughter.
She really hates my girlfriend's mother and I
really want to tell her about it, but I don't
know how. What should I do? - I Only Want
to Love Her in Iowa
This little conversation will be immensely telling.
Maybe she has a stockpile of C batteries, too.
Dipstick:Do you believe in fate? I think you and
your new girlfriend were brought together for a
Dipstick:Yes, you need to broach the topic.
reason-so
Otherwise, you'll spend the rest of your life in
work through their issues and walk you two down
an unhappy marriage, wondering "What if?" And
the aisle, arm in arm. I can just see it. They'll have
your mom and her archenemy can
regardless of how she responds, take a look at your
a truce, George Bush and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
life, Penny! Why stay a minute longer in a rela-
will slow dance, the Arab- Israeli conflict will cease
tionship that sucks? You need to make a decision.
and the ice caps will stop melting. Yes, tell your
Either get into counseling with your husband and
mom. This is an opportunity for healing.
fix that mess, or get out and start creating your own
happiness. It may be with your friend, or it may
Lipstick:I believe in fate, Dip. Not only do
enemies end up face to face in situations like this,
but those who're most homophobic end up having
gay kids. Case in point: a girl I knew growing up.
I'll call her Annabelle. Her folks were as stiff as a
freshly starched shirt. Being the baby dyke I was,
I knew Annabelle would like the ladies one day,
too, but I wondered if she'd ever be able to come
out. Well, she did. And guess what her parents are
doing now, instead of touting the latest anti-gay
ballot measure? They're writing to the pope, telling him their daughter should have the right to get
married. My point, Iowa, is twofold. First, sometimes that which we fear the most ends up becoming life's biggest gift. Second, people often surprise
us. Maybe they'll realize how ridiculous it is to have
enemies at their age. The real lesson here is: Don't
follow in your mom's immature footsteps.
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: When I was in
my 20s, I knew inside that I was a lesbian. I
didn't want to deal with it, so I was celibate
after college, where I had sex with a handful of guys. In my 30s, I accepted I was bi
and had sex with men and women. Then,
in my late 30s, I married a man. It was like
221
curve
Ask Fairy Butch Advice
I
Jealousy 2.0
>Ut
to
:er.
di
n't
mt
wearing shoes two sizes too small. I was
unhappy and our marriage ended after
three years.
So the deal is, I'm in my early 40s
and out, and I'm not having any guilt or
consternation or gut-wrenching feelings at all. I'm just really happy. I've told
friends and family, and their reactions
ranged from not at all surprised to mildly
amused. Nothing but awesome support.
I guess I'm wondering if this is weird. I
feel like this has all been too easy. Is the
other shoe going to drop? Or is this just
the beauty of being true to who you are?
- Cincinnati Cinderella
md
Dear Fairy Butch: I get really jealous whenever my girlfriend gets calls or emails from
women she has met online. I try to tell
myself that I am being silly, that she has a
right to have friends, but it doesn't work. I
feel twisted up inside and angry. I have tried
talking to her about it, but I wind up making
her feel bad, like I am trapping her in a box.
I just don't like it that they have to call every
day. I have a few online buddies but I don't
call them every day. Am I being dumb? If I
am, then how do I control my emotions? I
am at the end of my rope here. - Jealous
in Jersey
of faith-some
has-
bians (women who
used to be lesbians)
have
dyke
phases
that last 15 years. You
should look your beloved deeply
in her eyes, take her face in your hands, kiss her
and tell her that you are committed to lesbianism
and committed to her. Tell her that you're madly
in love with her and that you have eyes for no one
else-male or female.
She needs to have faith in you-that
she isn't
going to give her heart away only to have it stepped
on and discarded. It's a horrible prospect to think
that you're going to get all cozy and settled in with
Dear Jealous: Dumpling, I wouldn't begrudge
someone, and then have her leave. So let her know
r a
Lipstick:You must have tons of time on your
your girlfriend her friends. What you need to do is
that you're in it for the long haul and that you don't
:an
hands, Cinderella. This is the first question
develop some trust in her. It's OK to talk about
plan on going back to playing for the straight team.
wn
we've received from someone wondering why
your feelings, but approach it from the angle that
My best to you, sugarplum!
ave
life's too good. To answer your questions: Yup,
you're trying to get comfortable with her having
jad
it's the beauty, especially when you're living
close friends. Tell her that you need her compas-
ase
in the United States and it's 2008. Like Nina
sion to bridge the gap between the pain you're feel-
Simone sang in her torch song"Feeling Good":
"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life
ing now and the acceptance of her social situation
for me:' Things have changed, Cindie. Corning
her friends and thus render them less intimidating.
)Ur
that you hope to gain. Perhaps you can get to know
Dear Fairy Butch: I've been in a relationship
for a while now, but recently, things have
started to heat up. It was going very well
until other people started appearing. Now
I have to deal with her love-struck gal pal,
her ex-lover, the diva from hell and a selforiented, often rude buddy. This situation
is taking a big toll on my girlfriend and she
vents much of it to me. I understand why this
happens, but when I try to help out, it backfires big-time. What should I do: sit back and
let her deal with the mess, help out or walk?
- Crowded in Colorado
do
out of the closet is no longer certain to cost you
At any rate, you're going to have to give her the
1is,
friends and family, so woo-hoo for you! But you
space to have her friends or she'll develop claustro-
ing
should count your blessings, because there are
phobia and your relationship will suffer. It's good
up.
many gay kin who don't have it so easy. They're
to have a support network of folks other than your
.s a
still cornered in their small-town closets and
partner; it offers both of you more security and
ras,
buried under Bibles. You've got a charmed life,
ventilation. Your feelings of jealousy and insecurity
lay,
so celebrate your smooth road by cracking open
a nice bottle of wine.
should subside in time, with your gal's help and
Dipstick:
Let me get this straight. You spent 20
Dear Fairy Butch: Hi. I am a 21-year-old
dyke who is new to the world of lesbianism.
I recently met someone I really like. We have
spent a lot of time together and have decided to get serious and make a commitment.
The problem is that the person I am involved
with is worried that this is only a phase for
me, and that I am going to get over it. I have
had lesbian feelings for the past two years
and haven't been interested in a guy since
then. I am very comfortable with my sexuality and myself, but how do I convince her?
- Looking for Wisdom in Wisconsin
Fairy Butch is the author of The
Guide to Lesbian Relationships.
Dear Looking:Well, darling, welcome to dyke-
Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex: A
Complete Resource for Women and
Ask them anything at lipstickdipstick.com.
dom-I wish I were there in person to hand you
your toaster oven. Every leap into love is a leap
me
understanding. Good luck, toots!
are
5ay
ell-
years denying your sexuality, living an unful-
get
ne-
filled life, and now you're waiting for the other
rn-
its racks and gone out of business. Now put on
:ise
those pretty penny loafers-the
ave
)n't
ones-and
shoe to drop? Sister, the shoe store has cleared
the other beautiful gay children. And let this be
a message to all you closet cases out there. The
world does not end when you come out. It only
in
,. I
expands. Way to go, Cindie! ■
ite
These advicegurus are the authors
of Lipstick & Dipstick's Essential
Idbi
ike
comfortable
walk out in the sunshine with all
DearCrowded:
Well, pumpkin, it can indeed get
mighty crowdc
1'1
a relationship at times, and
characters such as the ones you so vividly describe
can certainly get in the way of the copacetic lifestyle
you seek. If you're inclined to walk, then you might
be walking out on a good thing, but if it's more than
you can bear, that's your decision. What I think
is that your girlfriend may just be looking for a
sounding board and she's chosen you as candidate
numero uno. Resist the urge to help out and just be
a good listener for now. ■
Men. Email fb@fairybutch.comwith
The
Ult1HU
G Ide
to
St r1p•0n
Sn
your queries.
October 2008 \ 23
Advice
Health
It Takes an Army
SMOKE BEAVER MUCH?
There's nothing more horrifying
than a lesbian vegetarian hypocrite.
Except maybe realizing that I am a
lesbian vegetarian hypocrite.
I was a smoker for many years,
when I was youthful and thought I
was a cool East Village bohemian.
I liked the taste, and the feel of the
butt on my lips and between my
fingers. Then I met my now partnerwife, and she decided it was time to
kick the habit, not to mention kick
my ass. We made a pact on New
Year's Eve 2000, and we haven't
looked back.
There are times when I long
for a drag, those nights when the
sun lingers on my skin, when the
wine is flowing, when memory or
some desire for immortal escape
fills the air. Whenever the addiction feels strong, I think about the
pact-also, about a little thing called
castoreum.
Heard of it? Beavers (yes, that's
right, those semi-aquatic rodents)
scent-mark their territory with
castoreum, a powerful and complex
combination of castor sac secretions and urine. (Location of the
castor sacs? Way too close to the
anus and genital area!) Castoreum
gives cigarettes a musky, aromatic
smell and flavor. It is also used in
perfumes, essential oils and
homeopathic remedies and was
once thought to cure "hysteria."
Years of butts, years of veggies,
years of smoking beaver. Oh,
the guilt. Oh, the hypocrisy.
Let this be a hysterical health
advisory for you, girls-yes,
you, hanging outside the
club, enveloped in haze and
attitude. - Mary Foulk
24
Icurve
Boobs-we're all born with them, and most of
us want to keepthem.Renowned
breastsurgeon
Dr.SusanLoveis betting1 millionwomenworking togetherwith rese,archers,
will find both the
causeof, and the cure for breastcancerin her
lifetime,andboobswill indeedendure.
"I'm 60 years old and I've got probably20
good years remaining,so I am in a big hurry,"
says Love, who is partnering with Avon to
launch the Love/AvonArmy of Women(armyofwomen.org).Love'suniquenew directionin the
fight againstbreastcanceris a very simplebut
revolutionaryprogramto recruit1 millionhealthy
women to sign on for considerationin future
researchprograms.
Love explains that most breast cancer
researchis conductedon womenwho already
havethe disease,as well as on animals."There
is an enormous need to shift the focus to
researchon healthywomen,to unlock the key
to what happensbeforebreastcancerappears,"
shesays.
"Evenwhile progresshas beenmadein the
diagnosis,treatmentand survivalrates of those
with breast cancer,we still do not know the
causeof the diseaseor how to preventit," says
Love."TheArmyof Womenwill empowerusto be
at the forefrontof breastcancerresearchby partneringwith researchers
andtakingan activerole
in researchitself. Thispartnershipwill enableus
to go beyonda cure anderadicatebreastcancer
onceandfor all."
Loveis convincedthat at leastpart of the key
liesin examiningbreasttissueandfluids."Maybe
it's viral. WhenI was a youngmedicalresident,
we didn't havea clueaboutwhat causedcervical
cancer.Now,30yearslater,we havea vaccineto
preventit. Thatis exactlythe directionI want to
takewith breastcancerresearch-find the cause
andthendevelopthe cure."
Oneof the barriersto a paradigmshift in the
way breast cancer is studied is the difficulty
that researchers-who work in virtual isolation
in hospitalsand laboratories-face in reaching
healthywomen.
The Love/AvonArmy of Womenvolunteers
will partner with researcherswho are studying specificpopulations,such as, say, pregnant
womenin Detroitor single lesbiansunder35 in
NewMexico.
Lovesaysshe believesthis new approachis
the onlyway to find the sourceof breastcancer,
notjust to treat it, but to preventit. "We'vegot to
start gettingcreative.Whoknowswhatthe cause
is? Scientistshaveplentyof ideas,but perhapsit
is actuallysomething-or morethanonethingwe havenevereventhoughtof. It couldjust as
easilybe viral as hormonalor environmental."
Whateverthe solutionturns out to be, Love
wants to makecertainshe seesthe end of terminal breast cancer before her own life ends.
- Stephanie Schroeder
A FEWGOOD
BREAST
CANCER
TOMES
MarenKlawiter'sdeeplyinsightfulTheBiopoliticsof BreastCancer(upress.umn.edu)
analyzes
the
breastcancermovement-howthe diseasehasbeenmanaged
bythe medicalcommunityandmarketedto the public,andhowfindinga curehasbecomean influentialsocialmovement.
Providing
critical
assessment
anda varietyof perspectives,
Klawitertakesa closelookat the historyandcontext,limitationsandpartialitiesof the disease.Daringto lookat thedarksideof the pinkribbon,Samantha
King's
PinkRibbons,Inc.(upress.umn.edu)
confrontsthecommercialization
of the breastcancer
movement,
exploring
the dangersanddrawbacks
of philanthropy,
ouroftenmisguided
reasons
for participating
in a cause,andhowconsumerism
anda market-driven
culture
candetractfromprevention
andtheeffortsto investigate
environmental
causes.Cancer
survivorBarbaraDelinsky'sUplift(simonsays.com)
is an indispensable
bookfor all those
touchedby breastcancer.
Toldfromthe myriadperspectives
of womenwhohavebeen
throughthe experience,
Upliftofferswarmanecdotes,
reassuring
adviceandheartening
momentsof realcourageandwill. - MaryFoulk
gt as
.ove
ter1ds.
Life Advice
A Lesbian Way to Say Goodbye
Heather chose all the music for her ceremony.
"I Like to Boogie" by T. Rex had us stumped for a
while, until a friend remembered hearing it on the
BillyElliotsoundtrack. We raced out for the DVD;
Heather confirmed it was the correct version.
Heather died at midday on a Friday, with several friends chattering at her bedside and many more
in the living room. First there was sadness and
quiet singing, then we began to prepare her body.
I slowly washed and rinsed her hair, feeling the
surprising weight of her head. We tied her jaw up
with a scar£ and selected her favorite birdwatcher's
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T-shirt. Though emaciated, Heather looked painfree and peaceful, and her freckles were cute again.
Our plan unfolded like clockwork. Women
arrived to deliver coolers full of ice blocks, which
had been frozen in large milk containers and soft
drink bottles, and then stashed in their freezers
for this event. We placed the ice under and around
Heather, sandwiching the bottles between layers
of plastic, under decorative sheets. Since we had to
keep Heather's body at 42 degrees, one member of
the community appoirited herself ice monitor.
Goodbye continued on page 78
TIPSONDOINGIT YOURSELF
I had never envisaged our house in suburban
Australia as a do-it-yourself hospice turned funeral
parlor, but it turned out to be perfectly suited.
Knowing she was dying, our friend Heather began
to distribute her belongings and sold her house .
She was so organized and brave; only at night did
she feel afraid. My partner had the solution: Move
in with us. Within two days, she'd rehung the bathroom door, bought us a new refrigerator and baked
cookies for my birthday.
It wasn't long before I was spending all my time
trawling supermarket shelves, hoping to find some-
Whena lovedoneleavesherbodyinyourcare
afterdeath,it is important
to remember
herlast
wishes.
Afewthingscanmakeyourjobasfuneral
director/grief-stricken
frienda littleeasier:
O Besureyouknowthe lawsin yourarea
beforeyouplanyourownDIVsend-off.Do-ityourselffuneralsareillegal(orat leastpractically impossible)
in Arkansas,
Connecticut,
Indiana,
Louisiana,
NewYork,Nebraska
andUtah.
8 Learnaboutthe logistics.Plentyof websites
offerDIVadvice,asdoesthe bookDealing
Creativelywith Death:A Manualof Death.
8 Consider
cremation-it's lessexpensive
than
a coffinandyourlovedonecanbe laidto restin
something
just as meaningful.
- JohnPann
thing Heather might eat or drink; for a while it was
only ginger beer and pickles. We started a roster to
ensure round-the-dock
care. One woman made an
exquisite hand-bound edition of Heather's poetry;
another organized a telephone tree.
With Heather, we made the decision to con duct the funeral and burial ourselves, using a recent
edition of Willing Up and KeelingOver:A Lesbian
Handbook on Death Rights and Rituals, for which
Heather had been a proofreader. And so an action
plan was prepared.
ORSHOOT
FORTHEMOON
Wantto makea bigsplashandjoin StarTrek
creatorGeneRoddenberry
orbitingEarth?Try
spaceburial,a procedure
in whichsomeof your
crematedashesareplacedin a capsulethesize
of a tubeof lipstickandlaunchedintospace
usinga rocket.Celestus
offersEarthorbitpackagesthatstartat $695.Andin 2010,youwill
beableto takea permanent
celestialjourney
to the moon-thoughpricesmaybesteep.
(memorialspaceflights.com)
- RachelShatto
October 2008
I25
Advice
Astro Grrl
LuckyCharms
Sapphic Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
Sex:Your charisma quotient is high and you can charm just
Scarps about anyone. Will she do your bidding:' Up your bid first.
Career:Libras feel especially flush. Money flows ,like water this
commandthe October. For the best effect, let it rush in and seep out slowly.
professionalScorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
centerstage Sex:Find a well,endowed benefactress to fluff your pillow and
soothe your brow. Yes, you can be bought-but
don't come
cheap.
Career:
Sapphic
Scorps
command
the
professional
cen,
as all eyes
ter stage as all eyes are upon you. Are you wearing underwear:'
are upon Ah, figures!
you. Are Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
you wearing Sex:Turn on the charm while you can and while your charm
actually works. Before you know it, you'll revert to your usual
underwear? crass antics. Career:Something or someone might be maneu,
puddle. Career:Strong business relationships can be made now
if you keep your eyes open and your fingers at the ready. Grab
vering behind the scenes at work. Is she girlfriend or foe:' Find
the gold and the glory now, 'cause this window of opportunity
out this month.
won't be open for long.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Sex:Use mind control to get the girl of your wet dreams. Send
her intense signals and she will respond. But then what will you
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Sex:Cement current partnerships or create new ones. Or may,
be try to do both at the same time. You never know. Career:
do:' Career:You have gal pals in high places who can help you
This is no time to be lazy. Plot your professional strategy and
along in your climb. Ask and you will find. Be sure you know
put your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel.
what you are asking, though.
What a strange position.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Sex:Get out there and meet,and,greet all through October.
If you are observant, you will find a jewel among all the usual
trash. Career:Hard work pays off as your career takes off. High
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Sex:Crabs can heat the water cooler to a rapid boil. But be dis,
places come up in Capricorn. Achieve your ambitious plans for
fun at the job, but all play and no work can really diminish your
world domination. Then go to lunch.
career prospects. Keep up appearances.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
Sex:You manage to catch the eye of someone in the power
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
Sex: Romance is cooking and fills the air with expectation.
elite. Will you climb the ladder by way of the casting couch:'
Can you choose one special cookie, or will you have to eat the
creet in your interoffice romances. Avoid open cubicles and find
a supply room instead. Career:Obviously, it's too easy to have
You lucky thing. Career:
Travel for business, if you possibly can.
entire dozen:' Yum. Career:
Try to find ways to work from home.
Travel in business class, if you possibly can. When all else fails,
Maybe that means starting a home,based business. Don't forget
just travel, unravel and enjoy.
your nap schedule.
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Sex: Lambda Rams find love in new corners of the world.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Sex: Find any excuse to cocoon with your special lady this
October. See what and who you can whip up at home. Career:
Spread your wings-among
other things-and
travel. Or seek
exotic ladies closer to home. Career:Other people's money will
Call 'em as you see 'em at work. Your voice will be heard and
pave your career path. Will you use it to glide to the top or slide
maybe even listened to for a change. Speak out. ■
to the bottom:' Your call.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Sex:You're too hot to handle this October. Burn your candle at
both ends and meet her in the middle. Then meld into a waxy
26
I curve
Astrologer Charlene Lichtenstein is the author of
Herscopes: A Guide to Astrology for Lesbians. To see
whatelseis in your stars,visitthestarryeye.com
orgo to her
blogat thestarryeye.typepad.com.
Relationships Advice
The Lesbian Parent Trap
If you're considering kids or she already has them, proceed with caution. I By Kate Lacey
now
Jrab
mity
Gay folks have the best contraception on the market, for obvious reasons.
Are You Ready for This?
When was the last time a queer couple accidentally got sloppy drunk and for-
The word"baby" comes from the pig Latin "aby-bay;' which translates to: "Loss
got to pull out of all the paperwork for adopting a Chinese baby? This being
of sleep, loss of cash and loss of freedom:• Let us not forget that a baby is a cry-
true, lesbian couples should take the time to consider whether they are truly
ing, pooping and drooling machine. Sure, its smile will light up your world, but
right for parenthood. Don't let the deafening ticktock of your biological time
forget about picking up and going away for the weekend. You'll trade in your
bomb drown out your good sense and rationality.
dancing shoes for running shoes. You'll trade in your long nights of heavy pant-
On the other hand, many women have burst out of the closets of their
ing for even longer nights of ear-splitting screams (and not the good kind from
youth to embrace their true desires later in life. They have walked away from
your partner). Say goodbye to investing in bobble heads, hockey jerseys and
their previous hetero life with parting gifts from ex-men like wedding china
lesbian cruises. You'll need all your green stuff to cover your new expenses-
and the part-time possession of offspring. The mommy lesbian enters the dat-
from formula to college tuition.
ing world with more baggage than JFK airport. So, if you thought dealing with
someone's ex-girlfriend was a challenge, remember that the progeny is not
Once the baby starts walking and talking, your days will get even more hectic. The little person will be the center of your universe, unless you can afford
going away until the genetic wonder hits 18 (if you're lucky). And neither is the
the six nannies, cook and toddler-wrangler it will take to get the kid to eat
something, anything, other than mac and cheese. Your schedule will revolve
baby's daddy. Welcome to the post-nuclear family.
However the stork drops the bundle of joy in your lap-whether
you
around the pick-up and drop-off. Your top priority will change from working
choose to become a mom through chemistry, a turkey baster, an adoption or
toward your next promotion to figuring out who is going to take Junior to bal-
the products of her past life-you
let class. You will become a beggar and a compromiser, a person who will trade
will first need to decide if you are ready to
take it on.
favors with your partner that involve transportation duties instead of carnal
pleasures. Forget about who will be on top-you'll
be too exhausted.
reer:
What's Your Motivation?
Your reasons are important. If you just want to have regular sex with a h~t
er-expect
and
mama (aka MILF), you'd better reconsider. Good mothers want stability for
fragile from years of neglect, thanks to the insistent needs of your child) take
themselves and, more importantly, for their kids. In a perfect parental world,
the constant machine-gun fire of belittling comments from the monster that
there would be no revolving door that allows a lesbian Pride parade
trample
you nurtured and loved so carefully? Her sweet baby drool will morph into ven-
over the Backyardigans and into the boudoir. Kissing up to the tot to get into
om overnight, and you won't see it coming. The tween hates everything about
mama's playground is also deplorable behavior. In this case, you are not only
its parental units-how
dis-
toying with the emotions of a woman who will eventually see you as a heartless
a few issues that will cause eye-rolling and sneering. And just when you're at
find
player, but you are also fracturing the child's sense of structure and stability.
Interaction with a child is not to be tak-
your wits' end, she'll hug you inexplicably and you'll glimpse the baby girl you
have
your
en lightly. If you fake compassion for the
The transition into the teen years is no less a battleground. Sex,
little one in order to get another notch
booze, fashion, drugs and rap music are the obvious conflicts. One
on your belt, then you deserve what's
day, you'll find yourself shouting, "Not while you live under my
nay-
heel.
coming to you.
to
For the tweens-that
age between sweet youngster and brooding teenag-
hormonal warfare beyond belief. Can your self-esteem (already
you dress, how you talk and how you breathe are just
knew from before.
roof!" and your worst fears will be confirmed: You have become
tion.
Granted, these days it seems to be
your parents. Can you carry the weight of this knowledge on your
the
trendy to pick up a baby or two from
back? Good parents are universal in their need to control and in
Dme.
another country, much as one would
their inability to watch their kids make stupid mistakes (even if
>rget
collect Webkinz. Yes, Angelina Jolie
they made them when they were younger). To not do so is to take
makes the adoption of Third World
a lesson from the Britney Spears school of parental carelessness.
t
babies look sexy. OK, Rosie makes
If you like having less money, less time, various substances to
adopting children look like a compassion
clean up and mountains of laundry, and you would enjoy sacrific-
this
fest to satisfy your savior complex. Sure,
ing your own needs for someone else's, you are a fine candidate for
reer:
Melissa makes borrowing sperm from
parenthood. Of course, having this little person grow up safely,
and
her favorite old hippie with a six-string
soundly and with a solid sense of self is a reward beyond measure.
Fender sound as easy as bumming a cup
Any parent will tell you that a single moment of unabashed love
of sugar from her neighbor. But children
from a child is worth every hour of conflict. Being a parent is the
are serious responsibilities. They do not
most challenging and most rewarding job in the world, so think
go away after the glow of being the sav-
about whether you'll be able to weigh the rewards against the
ior fades or the boom of your biological
challenges, and find a balance between the two. If you can, you'll
clock has ceased.
be on your way to becoming a great lesbian parent. ■
October 2008
I
27
Dyke Drama
Michele Fisher
A Run--inWith the Big C
If you think it'll never happen to you, you might want to think again.
For some real dyke drama, try finding a lump in your hooter while you're tak-
First off, it was a Friday and I wouldn't be able to call a doctor until Monday.
ing a shower.
(I didn't think I could sustain a full 72 hours of worry; it would be too gru-
For a few days, I had been vaguely aware of a pain in my left breast when I
moved a certain way, but it didn't bother me much.
eling.) Second, many people have cancer-why
not me2 In fact, one in eight
women have breast cancer in their lifetime, and in the San Francisco Bay Area,
Of course, we gals are supposed to conduct regular self exams at least once
where I live, it is more like one in six. Third, I thought it probably wasn't cancer,
a month; I know that. Do as I say, not as I do, because I gave up on those regular exams by the time I was an adult member of the itty bitty titty committee.
just like my hernia wasn't a tumor.
Over the weekend, I surfed the Web for some information about breast
Supposedly, after a while, you get used to how they feel and you can pick up
lumps. My lump was neither soft nor hard, and I thought I could feel the bor-
on any changes, even subtle ones, when they occur. I am good at feeling other
ders on it, but then again I wasn't positive. It didn't move around, but it wasn't
women's breasts, but when it comes to mine, I just don't get it.
anchored either. In the end, the information I gleaned was neither discouraging
Boy, was I lucky, because the lump I found was not a subtle change in the
nor encouraging, but it was plentiful. It was reassuring to know that support
breast tissue. It was the size of a hard-boiled egg yolk. I now realize that I really
and a wealth of information were just a few keystrokes away. I also learned to
needn't have wasted any time worrying about how to do a proper exam, because
be very careful about putting the word "breast" in my search bar, as a few of the
this lump was so obvious as to render technique a nonissue.
hits I got were anything but clinical.
After I found the lump, I finished my shower and then surprised myself by
It finally hit me on Sunday night that I wasn't worried because I had been
proceeding with my evening plans, which did not include bursting into tears or
expecting it. My oldest friend in the world, Jessie, has breast cancer. She is
calling my mom.
doing well and seems to be winning the battle, but her fight is not cheap, nor
Lumps do freak me out, normally. I found one in my lower abdomen about
is it easy. She feels lucky to be alive, even though she has lost her job, her
15 years ago and was sure I had a tumor. I was in the bathtub after a night of
insurance and her home. She is one of the many reasons I take part in breast
merrymaking, which included countless alcoholic beverages and lots of aerobic
cancer awareness events. I should have said to the lump, "What took you so
activity on and off the dance Roar, when I noticed an alien trying to bust out
long:"'
of me via my abdomen. A nurse practitioner at the local clinic told me I had a
hernia. Big deal. You can live forever with a hernia.
Why didn't I go sick with worry about this new nugget under my nipple?
Although heredity was on my side, (nobody in my family had died of cancer), I had spent a lifetime squandering my genetic fortune by piling on the
environmental risk factors.
I smoked until I just couldn't do it anymore. I didn't quit for my health; I
quit because it was too hard to be a smoker. I couldn't smoke anywhere anymore and all my friends had already quit. I didn't want to be the lonely little
freak out on the front porch. And I didn't quit cold turkey either; I chewed
40,000 bucks worth of nicotine gum first. What a brilliant investment.
I was also a heavy drinker during several periods of my life. (I guess most
*
periods except infancy, really.) Alcohol is also a big no-no if you are trying to
avoid the big C.
Eating healthy is the best way to avoid a carcinogenic episode. I was raised
with a Pop-Tart in one hand and a glass of Tang in the other, and didn't discover
the beauty of salad until I gnawed on the vegetation in my Bloody Mary one
Sunday morning in the 1990s. I wasn't raised on fresh vegetables because we
were lower-middle class, and lower-middle-class people in the '70s wanted to
keep up with the Joneses, and the Joneses ate processed, multicolored food, so
that is what we wanted to eat. Only poor, silly farmers ate stuff that grew in
the dirt. Yuck!
These days, I paw my way through farmers markets like a pervert at a
porn convention, but I am not na1veenough to think that a few years of eating
organic and local is going to erase a lifetime of dietary sin.
The experts say that sleep is the most important component in preventing
all types of disease. But it's no use trying to catch up on all the beauty rest I've
missed, for I might never wake up again.
I have done everything to undermine my health except buy a book entitled
Growinga BreastLump for Dummies.
.\ Run-in
ith the Big C continued on page 78
Lo1:z.'~e
TI..F.ad .. A'9,""C..
We proudly donate a portion of
the proceeds from this a areness
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a....
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w
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Politics VictoriaA. Brownworth
My November Surprise
What will it take to get a real progressive in the White House?
But the Democratic Party has consistently
It's a secret I and many women I know have
been keeping, but the time has come to
disappointed
reveal my big surprise. I will not be voting
2000, I felt Al Gore should have fought to be
me in the past eight years. In
Democrat in November.
president, since he actually won the election.
Clinton's
The United States isn't a banana republic; there
campaign from February through her with-
was no threat of the nation falling into disrup-
I worked for Sen. Hillary
drawal from the race in June. I worked hard,
tion while votes were properly counted and tal-
doing action alerts, writing column after
lied and the actual president was ensconced in
column, alerting the media to information
about Clinton's stances on various issues and
the White House.
Had Gore been president in 2000, I have no
calling voters in key primary states. I felt that
doubt we would not be in Iraq, even if the at-
Clinton was the best presidential candidate
tacks on Sept.11, 2001 had still happened.
In 2004, the Democrats disappointed
the United States had seen in years and I was
When
Clinton
me
again, throwing their weight behind Sen. John
excited to work for her.
came within
KerryinsteadofHowardDean.Fouryearsintothe
a hair-
breadth of winning the popular vote, but the
disastrous Bush administration, the Democratic
superdelegates went in a wave with House
Party went with the safe candidate instead of
Speaker Nancy Pelosi's recommendations
the progressive, anti-war candidate, once again
rather than their constituents: I was be-
moving to the center instead of standing firmly
yond disappointed. I was outraged, and that
to the left.
outrage did not dissipate, as I thought it
Both the Gore and Kerry campaigns were
might, after Clinton did the good-girl thing
poorly run, emphasizing defense instead of
and threw her support behind Sen. Barack
offense. Gore should have run on the progressive
Obama, rather than contest the primary out-
record of the Clinton administration, of which
come as previous candidates, including Sen.
he was an integral part. Instead, he failed to re-
Ted Kennedy, had done.
veal Bush's inadequacy, even though Bush was an
I assumed that I would feel the way I
untested, unproven candidate whose only po-
usually feel when I am at odds with the Democratic Party: disappointed, but
nevertheless aligned with them against the Republican candidate.
litical strength was the fact that his father had been a one-term president.
Kerry's campaign regrettably mimicked Gore's. He allowed the Bush
administration, which destroyed the economy and got the country into two
That didn't happen this time.
Instead, my outrage grew exponentially as each new story revealed yet an-
unwinnable wars, to set the agenda. Again the approach was defense, not of-
other of Obama's defections from the Democratic platform. First, it was his
fense. He refused to respond to the Swift Boat attacks orchestrated by Karl
embrace of the faith-based-initiatives program of President George W. Bush,
Rove. Rather than fighting the dangerous Bush team and resetting the agenda,
which has not only failed, but has been grossly prejudiced and bigoted. Then
he withdrew into an elitist funk. Once again, the Republicans seized victory.
it was his vote for Bush's telecom immunity in the FISA debate. (Clinton and
In 2006, voter disenchantment with the Republican Party caused many
other Democratic senators voted against Bush, so Obama's assertion that this
Republicans to lose their seats in Congress, and Nancy Pelosi became the first
female Speaker of the House.
was the only choice simply isn't true.) Then it was back-pedaling on his stance
on the war in Iraq and a ramping up of the war in Afghanistan.
But after a flurry of initial activity, the new Democrat-led Congress slipped
All those issues affect me politically, not personally, but when I read reports
into the same defensive mode. Fears of being called unpatriotic made them act
alleging that Obama pays his female staffers markedly less than his male staffers
unpatriotically, agreeing to many anti-Constitutional
in comparable positions, I was appalled. Then Obama, who had secured the
administration. Being the progressive party requires being progressive. That's
endorsement
a reality that the Democrats seem unable to get their collective heads around.
of NARAL
Pro-Choice America over Clinton (despite his
sketchy record on choice and her strong record on the issue), announced
that a pregnant
woman's mental
illness should
never justify
I thoroughly
understood
Clinton's frustration
demands from the Bush
during the primary:
a late-
While she voted and acted progressively, Obama talked hope and change,
term abortion.
I was never a Democrat, so my fealty to the Democratic Party was never
his first opportunity to cast a pivotal vote for progressivism and vote against
with nothing to back it up. After she withdrew from the race, he was given
as strong as it has been for others, like my partner or my closest friends. I have
telecom immunity. He didn't. While Clinton continued her progressive
always been a Socialist, and the Democrats came closest to addressing the
agenda and voted against it, Obama not only voted for it, but asserted that
social justice issues that are most important to me.
it was a good compromise, the same line anti-progressive Democrats have
30
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IN THE NEWS
been proffering for years.
I am just old enough to remember the real Democratic Party, the party reintroduced by Franklin D. Roosevelt and propelled forward by Adlai Stevenson,
Eugene McCarthy, Robert F.Kennedy and Lyndon B.Johnson.
I remember when being a Democrat meant being for change and actually
acting on behalf of it. The first president I actually remember was LBJ, whose
War on Poverty and programs like Head Start helped move the nation forward, out of the divides of race and class.
There hasn't been a more progressive American president since Franklin D.
Roosevelt; he not only got the country out of the Great Depression, but initiated the New Deal and other safety net programs chat would protect Americans
if we ever had a similar economic disaster.
When Clinton was running, some pundits referred co her as the New Deal
candidate with a sneer. But given the economic disaster that the Bush administration has created, being compared to FDR should not have been seen as a
negative.
I will not be voting for the Democrats this November. I'd like to, and wish I
could, but I can't. The last eight years of the Democratic Party and its refusal to
take on the Bush administration have broken my faith in it.
::J'
Q. Cynthia McKinney. McKinney spent 12 years in the House of Representatives
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where, among other things, she was one of the few to vote against the war in
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McKinney has a long history of progressivism. Many of her platforms, like
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Clinton. McKinney is a strong African American woman who has much to of-
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her with pride and integrity.
I won't deny that part of my decision has to do with the realization that
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I can no longer continue to vote against my own best interests. I have done
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fer the country. I know she won't win in November, but I can cast my vote for
dates are not the answer, but the past two elections, plus the current presidential race, have made me rethink that position.
The two major parties have failed a majority of Americans, but they have
failed queers, women and minorities most definitively.
You may not feel that voting for McKinney is a viable option for you, but
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I urge you to consider it. A strong showing for McKinney will add to the vi-
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ability in 2012 not only of the Green Party, but of women candidates. Clinton
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withstood a sexist barrage in the primary, and McKinney's candidacy has been
minimized on the basis of her gender as well as her party affiliation.
Like me, McKinney felt she had
to
break with the Democrats, and for simi-
lar reasons. Come November, I will vote for McKinney, and I think if every
progressive in the United States did the same-voted
for real progressivism,
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rather than the empty promise of it-we
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woman president.
Vote for yourself this November, instead of a party that has failed you.
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I will be voting for the Green Party candidate, former congresswoman
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could have the first African American
It's the only way we will ever move coward real and lasting change in the
United
States. ■
MakeChange,
NotLawsuits
NineleadingLGBTorganizations,
includingLambdaLegal,GLAAD
andthe HumanRightsCampaign,
releaseda statemententitled"Make
Change,
NotLawsuits"in June.The
statementurgesnon-Californian
LGBTcoupleswhohaveeithermarriedor planto marryin Californianot
to suefor marriagerightsnationally
or in theirhomestates,but instead
to requestthatfriends,employers,
institutionsandneighbors
respect
andhonortheir marriages.
According
to the statement,
at this stagein the
fightfor the rightto marry,lawsuits
will hurtratherthanhelpthe cause.
"Pushingthefederalgovernment
beforewe havea criticalmassof
statesrecognizing
same-sexrelationshipsor suingin stateswhere
the courtsaren'treadyis likelyto get
us badrulings,"the statementreads.
"Badrulingswill makeit muchmore
difficultfor usto win marriage,and
will certainlymakeit takemuch
longer....Andin a statewith a law
againsthonoringthe marriagesof
same-sexcouples,suinga private
employeror otherinstitutionthat
isn't partof the government
over
its refusalto honoryourmarriageis
almostalwaysa reallybadidea."
ParentalRightsGranted
to
Nonbiological
Mother
Honoring
a childcustodyorder
froma Vermontcourt,theVirginia
SupremeCourthasgranteda
nonbiological
motherparentalrights
afteran arduous,four-yearbattleonethat maynotbeoverquiteyet.
In 2004,LisaMillerwasgrantedsole
custodyof herbiologicaldaughter,
IsabellaMiller-Jenkins,
bya Virginia
trialjudge,
afterleavingher
partner,Janet
Jenkins,and
converting
to
Christianity.
The
decisionwas
reversedin 2006,
whena Virginiaappealscourtruled
that a 1980federallaw,the Parental
Kidnapping
Prevention
Act,called
for Virginiato deferto theVermont
courts.NowthatVermonthas
handeddownits decision,Miller's
lawyer,MathewD.Staver,has
declaredthatshewill askthe United
StatesSupremeCourtfor a review.
Lesbos
SuesLesbians
In earlyJune,a groupof Lesbians
fileda complaintagainstan LGBT
communityorganization,
asking
themto droptheterm"lesbian"
fromits name.Chances
are,these
Lesbiansareprobablynot cuRvE
subscribe
rs:
They'reinhabitantsof the
Greekislandof
Lesbosin the
AegeanSea,
andthey're
not happythat
their islandhasbeenassociated
with homosexuality.
Theywere
askingthe GreekGayandLesbian
Community(OLKE),
the country's
mainLGBTassociation,to stop
associatingitself with the word
"lesbian."
Oneof the plaintiffs,Dimitris
Lambrou,
wentsofar asto demand
thatthe mediaworldwidestopusing
thetermto meangaywomen."My
mother,mydaughter,
mysisterare
ashamed
to callthemselves
Lesbian,
meaningresidentsof Lesbos,"said
YiannisAchlopitas,
a Greekcurrently
residingin Montreal."Ourwomen
abroadareforcedintohiding...
youcan'timaginethe defamation." However,
OLKE'slawyer,
Themistoklis
Kefalas,a Lesbos
resident,arguedthat hisdaughter
doesn'tmindthe nameandthat "the
termhasbeenin useat leastsince
the eighthcentury."
Thesuitwasoverturned
on July
18 in a Greekcourt,whichruled
thatthe worddoesnotdefinethe
residentsof the island,andtherefore
couldbe usedby LGBTgroups."This
is a gooddecisionfor lesbianseverywhere,"
VassilisChirdaris,
a lawyerfor the GayandLesbianUnion
of Greece,
told Reuters.
"A courtin
Athenscouldnotstoppeoplearound
the worldfrom usingit. It was
ridiculous."-Kate Goldsworthy
October 2008
I31
astingAway
in Margaritaville
•One lesbian lands in Key West
and never wants to leave.
By Diane Anderson-Minshall
I'm submerged under the richest azure water I've ever seen, dozens of miles
from the mainland, and as I'm skirting shoals and sunken pirate treasure (or
at least a 1800s-era shipwreck of dubious origin), I'm transfixed by a mesmerizing array of undersea life: waves of coral around the reef, orange anemones, a
kelp-colored sea turtle scampering at the end of the reef, a greenish-blue dolphin fish turning purple with excitement at my arrival. Then I notice a long,
badass silver barracuda swimming right toward me, and I can't stop wondering, is it barracudas that are known for taking fingers and toes off divers? So,
I'm trying hard not to do anything to disturb it (for the record, barracudas are
voracious hunters, but usually only attack people when provoked).
B
I'm 70 miles west off Key West in the waters surrounding Dry Tortugas
National Park (itself a cluster of seven islands known for both undersea life
and an interesting military history), but within hours I'm back on the mainland (if Key West, Florida's southernmost island, can be called that) at a party
with a couple hundred other lesbians, crammed into Aqua, a sexy, steamy
nightclub. I'm watching singer Lori Michaels corral her "Girls"-a
trio of
fedora-topped, scantily clad, brunette dancers. The place is wild, pure abandon, and so crowded that a trip from one end of the bar to the other makes me
feel like I have been intimate with at least a dozen women.
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built in 1888 and still one of the best examples of Bahamian architecture on
the island. I watch the sunrise before I fall into slumber. That is a typical day
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in Key West. Except, well, as you'll learn when you visit, there are no typical
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The first thing you'll notice about Key West is the breathtaking beauty
and subtropical weather. No place in the United States feels so much like the
Caribbean as Key West, America's southernmost
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city and the closest most
of us will ever get to Cuba, which is 90 miles away. Key West is part of the
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Key West itself is a quaint 2-by-4-mile subtropical island dotted with
gingerbread mansions, white picket fences, hanging foliage and the largest
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lagoons-all of it paralleled by North America's only contiguous living coral
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This page (from top): Just one of the many ways to camp in the Florida Keys; Key
West is perfect for bikini watching; an enormous rainbow flag takes over Duval
Street during PrideFest Key West. Opposite page (from left): New Year's Eve Key
West style with drag queen Sushi in a giant red heel; divers examine a sunken
ship in 120 feet of water off Key Largo.
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structures. The average temperature year-round is in the high 70s and the
entertainers are a revolving door of who's hot, Sapphically speaking. This
island is easily navigated of foot or by bicycle, scooter or the Conch Train.
year, God-des and She headlined while comic Lisa Koch brought down the
It's studded with palm trees, rainbow-colored bougainvillea, royal poinciana
house. Last year's comic headliner, Suzanne Westenhoefer, could have filled
and hibiscus blossoms. Oh, and there's tons of pirate lore and queers galore.
the Tropic Cinema several times over, and as I was leaving a few days later,
Though it has had many nicknames (Margaritaville, for example, after Jimmy
women at the Miami airport were still talking about her set.
Buffet penned the song here), many locals call the island the Conch Republic.
The whole Labor Day WomenFest weekend (womenfest.com) is a total
Conchs (pronounced "conks") first referred to the island's vast number of
babe fest with nearly every spot in town opening its doors to the lesbians who
Bahamian immigrants, but after a snafu with the U.S. border patrol in the
flood the city. Hog's Breath Saloon brings in lesbian performers, Cowboy Bill's
early '80s-in
which Key West officially seceded and declared itself the Conch
has a lesbian bull-riding contest and Camille's Restaurant and Chelsea House
Republic-it
seems that all locals are referred to as Conchs.
have welcoming parties. There are spot parties, like the Beach Blanket Butch
pool party or Pearl's Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Contest. In fact, Pearl's has
so many events-from
poolside yoga to "nurse your hangover" cocktail parties
Key West has always attracted a queer sort. First settled in the early 1800s, it
with GIRL radio-that
has been home to everyone from Caribbean pirates to Prohibition-era rum run-
adventure providers go gay too. Sebago (keywestsebago.com) hosts a women-
some women never even leave the resort. And local
ners to spongers, fishermen, wreckers, artists and gay or gay-friendly literati like
only champagne sunset sail and Fury Water Adventures (furycat.com) offers
Tennessee Williams, Elizabeth Bishop and Ernest Hemingway. Today, about
a women-only ultimate adventure (snorkel, parasail, jet ski, water trampoline)
a quarter of the city's 28,000 year-round residents are LGBT (mostly just the
that's not to be missed.
first three letters of the acronym, though) and rainbow flags are as popular here
as they are in San Francisco. It's no surprise that Key West usually ranks among
Oh, and there's a street fair that spills out onto Duval Street for a whole
day and night of dancing and entertainment.
the world's top gay and lesbian resort destinations in
surveys, but thankfully, lesbians don't seem to take a
back seat to men when it comes to tourism. The city
was one of the first in the country to elect an openly
gay mayor, the rainbow flag stands alongside the
American flag in the City Commissioner's Chambers
and the city's official motto is "One Human Family;'
proclaiming equality and acceptance for all people.
(According to our tour guide, 50 percent of the women in the police force are lesbians.) Oh, and best of all,
Kelly McGillis, who recently played Tasha's investigator on The L Word, is a part-time resident here, lending
her name to both a restaurant and the annual Kelly
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McGillis Women's Flag Football Championship.
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There are so many historic inns to explore-like
the
Curry Mansion Inn, the Mango Tree Inn, the'20s Art
zw
Deco Eden House-and
a..
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through April) each one of them will be filled to the
I
f-
(/)
come high season (October
gills. My vote, though, goes to two places: the women-only Pearl's Rainbow,
Other events in Key West are equally popular. On New Year's Eve (gaykey-
where the party never stops, and the gay-owned Cypress Inn, where you can
westfl.com), thousands pack Duval Street in shorts (and less) to watch as a
0
lounge in lush opulence, drinking Key Lime coolers next to a 40-foot pool.
giant red heel bearing Sushi, a popular local drag empress, is dropped from
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The Cypress is casually comfortable yet luxuriant. The high ceiling fans, old-
the second story of a local club. Fireworks, confetti and endless dancing in 70
LIJ
fashioned porches and tropical gardens-and
degree temperatures sure beats freezing in Times Square. Gay Spring Break
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National Register of Historic Places-give
the fact that it's listed on the
the place an air of authenticity, as
(gayspringbreak.blogspot.com)
is a newer venture aimed at bringing lesbians
though you're really at a 19th-century island residence. Plus, you can sunbathe
and other queers the usual party shenanigans-think
Cl)
in seclusion and the complimentary cocktail hour is the best in the city. It's just
wet tees and beer bashes-while
~
a couple of blocks to the main drag, Duval Street, where many of the city's hot
fairly typical but organized by the Business Guild, the first and oldest lesbian
clubs, street festivals and other gay high jinks are located.
and gay trade association in the country. A few years ago, they carried the
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longest rainbow flag ever seen-unfurled,
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to the Gulf of Mexico.
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amateur strip contests,
June's PrideFest (pridefestkeywest.com)
is
it reached from the Atlantic Ocean
~z
Sadly, you might have missed it this year, but it's never too early to start plan-
But the event not to be missed has to be the 10-day Fantasy Fest (fantasyfest.
ning to attend WomenFest Key West, now in its 22nd year, next September.
net), held around Halloween, which seems to bring out every queer's childhood
z<(
Floridian Lori Michaels is a fixture and veritable rock star and each year the
fantasies-princesses, toads, Bushettes and gnomes, oh my! Last year, Kristy from
>0
October 2008
I 35
A Shot at Love held a lingerie party and Ron Jeremy held the Pimps and Hos
party. There are endless street parties and masquerade balls and even chose
yourself. I'm certainly not the first lesbian to decide my next novel should
oft-maligned bikini contests for girls like us.
artists and writers. There's plenty of lazy relaxation to be had in Key West,
be written there while I fan myself and sip daiquiris-the
place is rife with
but the waters and the bars beckon constantly and you'll be remiss if you
miss them. Aside from Aqua, the site of the babe fest from the first night,
My trip started with a 75-minuce tour on the Gay and Lesbian Trolley (305-
, I also was drawn to the 801 Bourbon Bar (80lbourbon.com),
which has a
294-4603), which wove through town at a gay ol' pace, pointing out all the col-
world-famous cabaret with Sushi and the 801 Girls. Nothing beats hoc drag
orful stops from the historic (Tennessee Williams' home) to the most recent
queens and cool drinks except for, well, hoc real girls and cool drinks, which
(babes in bikinis at Pearl's) and with plenty of fun queer history along the way.
are on cap 24/7 at Pearl's.
Even better:'
If you're flying solo, I guarantee you won't be after chis trip. My
trolley contained 40 randy lesbians, two men and me-and,
trust me, nobody
Pearl's Rainbow is the country's premier lesbian-owned
only sanctuary with two (clothing-optional)
resort-a
girls-
pools, a restaurant, a poolside bar
and grill, great concierges ( they call chem "Pearl's Girls") and award-winning
was alone after it finished.
While the day was young and the drinks were scant, I headed into Pat
Croce's Pirate Soul Museum (piratesoul.com).
Fun for all ages-as
you don't mind explaining torture to the tykes-this
long as
darkly amusing museum
historic buildings. It brings in musicians and fitness trainers for poolside
entertainment,
throws tons of parties and fundraisers, has commitment cer-
emonies and generally offers up spring break-style fun, minus the frat boys.
offers an unparalleled collection of rare pirate artifacts, includingjournals, flags,
Did I mention chat the Icsy Bicsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Contest was judged by
weapons and gold from Blackbeard, Captain Kidd and the woman who donned
both a local Playboy Playmate and a real judge for the 16th judicial circuit:'
drag, Ann Bonney. It also has the only authentic pirate chest in the country.
Even if you don't stay at Pearl's, you'll want to play there at least a little bit.
From there, I headed to another historic collection, the Ernest Hemingway
I found it hard to be dragged away. But a romantic sunset dinner cruise on a
Home and Museum (hemingwayhome.com),
33-fooc yacht beckoned.
which boasts some interesting
Americana: It has one of only two dry cellars on the island ( the city is at sea
level), plants and shrubs not seen anywhere else in the continental United
The Islescapes Dinner Cruise (Islescapes.com) is probably the most romantic thing you can do all week. For a pretty reasonable price, Captain Alex Aller
States, tiles taken from the presidential palace during the Cuban revolution
took six of us aboard his vessel, made us a superb gourmet meal ( chink crab-
in the '30s, over 50 polydactyl cats who still live there (interesting story, look
meat portobello mushrooms and the catch of the day-visitors
it up), and artifacts from Papa's lusty life and good gay friends like Gertrude
own favorite wine) and took us out to watch the sun go down on the Caribbean
supply their
Stein. Don't miss the giant wall around the
horizon. If I weren't already married, I would
pool, which was built so Hemingway and his
have proposed right then and there. Since the
friends could frolic in the nude-and
boat left from the historic Schooner Wharf
the two
windows in it, peepholes the local men put in
Dock in Old Town, we had a chance to ex-
so as to not miss the action.
plore that, too.
A different kind of boat is also a must:
et to E
Fury Water Adventures will cake you with a
There's great island grub to be had, if you can
group of girls or all your friends for an amaz-
tear yourself away from the bars and babes
ing day in the ocean. The boats are outfitted
long enough. I'm a great lover of the local Key
with their own rock climbing walls, water
Lime pie so I ate that at every turn. My fave:
trampolines, jet skis and so much more. Sure,
Blond Giraffe Key Lime Pie Factory (blondgi-
some of the most fun was watching the girls
raffe.com) makes a frozen key lime pie dipped
who stayed onboard in bikinis with hair not
in chocolate
on a stick. Crazy. Mangoes
(Mangoeskeywest.com)
makes a mean conch
fritter, Harpoon Harry's (305-294-8744)
to be mussed, but by the end of the day I
was lobster
red, chap-lipped
and nearly
is a
comatose from an afternoon of flying in and
breakfast must and the award-winning Alice's
out of the water one way or another. Venus
( aliceskeywest.com) has a multitude of not-
Charters ( venuscharters.com)
to-be missed food like Cuban pork empaii.adas,
only snorkeling and sunset trips year-round
Queen Conch, the shrimp and scallop ceviche
too ( and, like Islescapes, lovely commitment
martini, Cuban-style mojo marinated ostrich
ceremonies).
and the cappuccino bread pudding.
offers women-
Next time I go back, I'm spending all my
time on the water, whether it's poolside at the
guesthouse or out in the Atlantic on a lesbian-
Make no mistake: You probably won't go to
friendly snorkel adventure. As soon as I got
Key West for the food or the museums or
home, I began pining for the clear blue waters
the arts-chat
of the Keys, and there's a big red circle on my
is, unless you want co hole up
in some palm-dotted
36
I curve
cottage and create it
calendar around September 2009. ■
Beautyand the Greeks
Absorbing European culture in an authentic fishing village.
By Jaymee R. Cuti • Photos by Nicola Cuti
Leafing through photo albums of past visits to Florida can leave you a bit cynical.
fishermen who supported the town, have been transformed into boutiques and
The spring break jaunts may have been titillating a decade ago, but your inter-
restaurants. Sponge diving has made a return farther off the Gulf Harbor and
ests have evolved since you won the gold for beer bonging and string bikini
many fishermen have switched to lucrative shrimping.
chasing.
You've done your sentence at the Magic Kingdom. While Orlando remains
sponge diving tours aimed to fill a junior captain's eyes with wonder. The gilded
Tarpon Springs has family appeal. The St. Nicholas Boat Line delivers
"the muggiest place on Earth;' the cost of a ticket, let alone a meal or souvenir,
fisherman's statue and sweet shops are a wholesome alternative to an afternoon
is anything but frozen in yesteryear. The degree to which inflation has struck
worshiping the Xbox. One of the most exciting attractions on the main drag
Disney World evokes concern for the livelihood of its animated residents:
is the Tarpon Springs Aquarium.
When was the last time Minnie Mouse had a paying gigf
Your vacation needs a shot of turn-of-the-century ambience without the
containing 30 species of fish and sharks, lectures given underwater by divers,
Highlights include a 120,000-gallon tank
touristy glitz that seasoned travelers desperately try to avoid.
pet stingrays and small sharks.
daily alligator feedings and a living ree£ A touch tank allows visitors to feed and
Tarpon Springs, about 30 miles northwest of the Tampa Airport, was once
You won't find a Pride celebration in Tarpon Springs, or a bar flying a rain-
a playground for the Victorian-era rich and famous from up north, and the
bow flag. Local Sapphic sisters and their gay brothers play in Tarpon Springs
quaint city of 23,000 has become an Eden for antique collectors. Jetsam from
by day and neighboring Dunedin at night.
the state's large senior population-approximately
23 percent are retirees-
make the local vintage shops a gold mine of treasures from bygone days.
But the attraction that brings many back year after year, even generation
after generation, is the town's Greek fisherman's village and sponge docks on
Dunedin's Main Street features two side-by-side queer bars-Blur
The Chic-a-Boom Room. Queer local
and
gravitate to performances and arts
openings at Leepa-Rattner Museum and the Tarpon Springs Cultural and
Performing Arts Center.
Dodecanese Street. Tarpon Springs is home to the highest percentage of Greek
Elaborate religious ceremonies rooted in the Greek Orthodox tradition are
Americans in the country.
Lining the dock is a strip of shops boasting the local wares: handmade goat's
surprisingly welcoming and inclusive to queer people. Tarpon Springs hospital-
milk soap and bath products from Getaguru Handmade Soap Company;
Millennium Travel, are currently forming a gay and lesbian tourism committee.
ity experts Lisa Warner, of Tarpon Springs Holiday Inn, and John Lulias, of
baklava and other artisan desserts from Hellas Restaurant and Bakery and,
Greek Americans from across the country join tourists at the annual
of course, shells, loofahs and sponges from Yia Yia's Gifts and Spongeorama's
Epiphany Festival in January, when the Spring Bayou waters are blessed in the
Sponge Factory (the latter harvested from waters right off the coast of Gulf
hope that fishermen will have a safe season. Young divers plunge into the gulf to
Harbor).
The shops and authentic Greek restaurants, such as Mynas Authentic
retrieve a wooden cross, symbolizing protection throughout the coming year.
Greek Cookery, grew up around a vibrant, working fisherman's village of the
Atlanta and sometimes the archbishop of America, conclude, authentic Greek
1900s. When the red tide algae bloom of 1947 choked out the natural sponges
folk music and food usher in a kaleidoscopic festival.
that were the town's economic mainstay, Tarpon Springs found a new livelihood as a tourist destination. Stores and food stands, once appealing to the
When the ceremonies, usually presided over by the metropolitan
of
Little has changed since its heyday as a sponge diving and fishing village,
making Tarpon Springs a welcoming, authentic and unexploited enclave. ■
October 2008
I 37
If you've never been to Miami, you may have gotten your image of it from TV
clothing on the beach as the restrooms are too close to the road. If you need
shows like CSI: Miami-tall
a break from the beach to let your sunburn cool off, you can take a walking
palm trees outlined against a bright blue sky,
long stretches of white sand edged by blue-green water ... and, yes, bikini-clad
tour of some of the more than 800 Art Deco buildings in South Beach, shop
women. That vision isn't far off, but it turns out the city offers so much more.
'til you drop on Lincoln Road, take a cruise to the islands or an air boat ride
The beaches and the year-round subtropical weather are good reasons to visit
through Everglades National Park. And you can also experience the look and
Miami, but they're not the only one. Add to that the hot nightlife, the authen-
feel of old Florida in Key Biscayne and Coconut Grove, and at the Europeanstyle Vizcaya mansion.
tic Latin food and the fact that the multicultural destination is so gay-friendly
it even has its own gay and lesbian chamber of commerce.
p re
tshell
After a day in the hot sun, beach-goers flock to the city's restaurants and
Miami itself is home to an international business district, a vibrant Cuban
clubs. You can find any kind of food, but Miami's significant Latin popula-
community and fascinating art and science museums, while Miami Beach-
tion makes it the best place in the country to sample authentic Cuban cuisine.
what you're often picturing from those media images-is
really a sliver ofland
Little Havana, west of downtown Miami, has lots to offer. Settled by refugees
separated from the mainland by picturesque Biscayne Bay.The hip and trendy
who fled Fidel Castro's Cuba, the area has coffee bars and restaurants, cigar
South Beach is a 23-block area with colorfully restored Art Deco buildings at
factories and streetside food stalls all with a colorful Latin atmosphere.
the southern end of Miami Beach.
Any kind of seafood is another good bet. Check out the famous Joe's Stone
Crab for something you won't find in other parts of the country. Call ahead
since it is open only seasonally.
Miami and its beaches offer every imaginable kind of lodging at a wide range
of prices, from B&Bs to high-end hotels to Art Deco restorations. Expect
After dark, Collins Avenue is awash in light-not
the bright neon of Vegas,
but Art Deco pastels. Music spills onto the street, and people are everywhere.
prices to be higher when your digs are close to the beach, when the rest of the
country is enduring really crappy weather, and when there are special events
in Miami.
As gay-friendly as Miami is, if you are looking for lesbian-only clubs, you'll
Mark's List of Miami and Miami Beach Gay and Lesbian Friendly Hotels
(jumponmarkslist.com/
gay_hotels_miami) provides some lodging guidance,
and a site like Travelocity or Orbitz is useful for recent traveler reviews.
be disappointed-there
aren't any. But don't despair. You'll find women's nights
and special events that make it a very lesbian place indeed. Many big lesbian
parties are annual charity events. These mini, Dinah-like weekend events include the Winter Party in February, the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival
in April, Aqua Girl in May and the Women's White Party in November.
Miami Beach has two main gay beach areas-though
than babes-the
you may find more boys
popular 12th Street Beach (12th Street and Ocean Drive)
Icandee Productions hosts Fuse-a
at Grass Restaurant Lounge-and
weekly cocktail, dinner and dance party
Siren dance party at the Creme Lounge.
and Haulover Nude Beach (Collins Avenue and 108th Street). Although it's
Pandora and Ultra Events also stage lesbian parties and events, including their
tolerated in some places, nude sunbathing is not legal in Florida, so you're
Saturday La Descarga, a Latin dance party at the Yuca Lounge, while She
Ventures Out offers lesbian cultural, sporting and social events. ■
taking a chance when you take it all off. If you decide to chance it, shed your
38 j curve
Deep Blue Teeth
I love watching people's expressions when I tell them I'm going
to Venice for the weekend-like I could actually afford to jet off to
Italy for two days!
Even some native Floridians forget the
small, quaint town that is about halfway between Tampa and Ft. Myers.
Many people come for the chic little boutiques that line the historic downtown area,
others for the sugar-white beaches, but the
real attraction in Venice is scuba diving for million-year-old sharks' teeth and other fossils.
Dozens of species of sharks have lived
in the Gulf of Mexico, all of whom lose and
replace thousands of teeth over their lifetime. With its eroding
coastline (with no barrier island) and a seabed that is always
churned up, Venice has become world renowned in the diving
community for outstanding fossil finds. I've dived there a dozen
times and in every instance every diver on the boat has brought
up a handful of smaller teeth, with a couple of divers finding the
prized 3- to 5-inch megalodons, or "megs." (Those come from
prehistoric 50-foot, 49-ton sharks that make the beast in Jaws
look like Hello Kitty.) I've also found ancient manatee bones,
whales' teeth, fossilized scallops and stingray barbs.
Diving in Venice is different from diving at most Florida
beaches. The visibility is never crystal clear, but it doesn't matter because you're no more than three or four feet away from
another diver who's scouring the sandy bottom for teeth and
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other fossils. The reduced visibility makes it hard to keep up
with a buddy, but you're rarely in depths of more than 20 feet,
so if you're not right next to each other, it doesn't
really compromise your safety. And because the
diving is shallow, the bottom time for divers is extended way beyond normal-I'm generally down
for 90 minutes before I even think of coming up.
Part of this outstanding experience for me
has been diving with the Florida West Scuba
School, owned and operated by Captain Steve
Thacker. Expeditions are all aboard the 31-foot
Hammerhead, a diesel-powered, U.S. Coast
Guard-certified vessel outfitted with full electronics for finding the best sites. Snacks, soft drinks, a warm-water
rinse, a sit-down head and towels are standard amenities on
every dive.
A retired geologist, Thacker knows his rocks from his bones
and will help identify almost every item brought up. But even
more importantly, he's made every effort to cater to women divers. Rental equipment specifically designed for women (not just
small men) is available, all personnel gladly provide assistance
and the "macho" attitude that often exists on dive boats is
nonexistant.
"Women divers love the water," says Thacker. "When you
make the dive more enjoyable on the surface, they will enjoy
the sport more, which benefits them and the dive industry as a
whole." -Sheryl Kay
TwilightYearsin the SunshineState
Tucked away in lesser-known small Florida towns are five groundbreaking gay
or lesbian retirement and vacation communities. By Christine Hawes
When you hear about gay Florida, the places you're probably hearing about
are the LGBT meccas of Tampa and St. Petersburg to the west (home of the
a haven of relaxation and community.
The tiny waterfront town of Gulfport might be called the grandmother
state's largest Pride celebration), or the massive gay-friendly Miami-Dade-
of the area's lesbian havens. With just 12,000 residents, this arts community
Broward metropolis along the eastern coast, where white parties, galas and
just southwest of St. Petersburg has boasted an active lesbian population
the new gay capital of Wilton Manors draw lesbians
since the early 1980s, when "you could
nationwide.
buy a house for $47,000;' remembers
But Florida has come to mean something else to lesbians around 50-the
Edie Daly.
new middle age. This group can
"They were these wonderful 1920s,
encompass everyone from retirees, to new business own-
'30s, '40s bungalows, and they were very
ers, to freshly out lesbians. To these women of the silver
attractive;' says Daly, 71, who grew up
and golden ages, Florida-and
in particular, a string of
small communities along the state's southwest coast-is
in Gulfport and returned to the area
to retire. "That's what lesbians could
buy, and they fixed them all up:' The
influx of fixer-uppers were on "Lesbian
Lane;' or what is actually 27th Avenue.
High schoolers used to call Gulfport
"Gayport;' according to a St. Petersburg
To these diverse women of the silver
and golden ages, Florida-and in particular, a string of small communities along
the state's southwest coast-is a haven
of relaxation and community.
Times article, and, at one point, estimates were that Gulfport's three square
miles had at least triple the nationwide concentration of queers.
Daly helped found a women's "web" that preceded the World Wide Web:
monthly gatherings or, "salons;' catering to every imaginable social interest,
covering a variety of geographic locations near Gulfport and St. Pete. She also
founded Womyn's Words, a print publication that continues to this day, even
though the webs and salons have stopped.
Gulfport is also home to Ricky Lewis, a retiree who founded the annual
Silver Threads Celebration nine years ago. Every year, Lewis and scores of
other lesbians over age 50 from across the nation gather on St. Pete Beach
for dances, workshops and companionship. Lewis is convinced she has helped
many of southwest Floridas retired lesbian couples find each other through
Silver Threads.
About 45 minutes south of Gulfport lies Palmetto, a small town bestknown for its concentration of Hispanic residents in an otherwise extremely
white region. Its history and its demographics would not lead anyone to consider Palmetto gay-friendly, let alone a gay retirement mecca-and
yet it is
home to Palms of Manasota, the nation's first-ever retirement community for
gays and lesbians.
There Joan Leblanc and her partner, Jean, are among about 40 lesbians
and gay men who live in small homes or duplexes, around a human-made lake.
www.glbtHistoryMonth c
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
The show is never over
for MTV's bisexual queen,
Tila Tequila.
er Shot at Love has ended and this time she
picked a girl-a
tall, sexy blonde who rejected
more I could help people. So I decided to write a book in dedication to all
my fans who are going through similar experiences.
her. While both women left the finale in tears,
You've also got an album coming out in the fall.
Tila Tequila,
turned
Yes. With the show being finished and everything, I have time to get back into
MTV poster girl, is ready to shed her trampy,
the studio, which is my No. 1 passion. And I can get back to doing music
the MySpace
superstar
vampy ways in favor of a new book, a new album and a reconnection
with her tomboy roots. But is TV's most popular bisexual the person we
thought she was? Not to hear her tell it.
again, which always makes me happy. I get to really express myself and create something from nothing, and I love it.
Is that where you feel the most comfortable expressing yourself,
through music?
Your upcoming book, Hooking Up With 11/a Tequila, will cover every-
Absolutely, because chat's how I started off I have a lot of personality, and
thing from your fame and success to your childhood. How frank do
music really allows me to write about whatever I wane, do whatever I
you plan to be in the book?
want, create different sounds and
I'm pretty frank. I don't know how else to be. [Laughs.]I think that's the best
I've always done, before all chis happened. I'm not one of chose, you know,
way to go, you know.
You sound like you had a tough childhood: trying heroin at 11, drink-
,-··riment, and chat's something that
reality show girls chat's like, "Oh my gosh, I'm famous now, let's try to do
everything I can!"
ing at 13, then juvenile detention. Are you in touch with your family?
I see a lot of descriptions of your music, like stripper hip-hop and
In and out, you know. I am sometimes, sometimes no.
'80s retro. How do you describe your music?
Do you ever worry about revealing too much about your childhood
My music is schizophrenic. [Laughs.] Because I am not like most normal
and your family?
people, I guess, and I tend to change my look a lot. I get really bored really
Sometimes. I don't mind being honest about myself. I'm very respectful. I'll
fast. I have a short attention span, and that will reflect in my record ... I just
talk about my life and what I went through, but I try not to talk about
don't feel like ... oh, let's pick out one genre and just do that. I feel like it's
them so much, because that's their privacy.
important to keep it real, and I think that fans really appreciate that. My
What can you tell me about the book?
One of the reasons why I got so big, I think, is because in the beginning I
used ro blog about my life a lot. I was very open before this TV show, and
music is honest, and I'm not trying to do it just so I can be on the radio, or
make some squeaky-clean pop record. It just really reflects on my personality. le has a lot of flavor, and, you know, you can dance co ic.
before everything else happened. And I found chat a lot of people really
You're a former tomboy. Do you ever feel like you sort of fell into this
could relate to all of my experiences, and I felt the more I opened up, the
sex icon thing?
October 2008
I 43
•• • • •
I think I did. It makes me feel very, very awkward, believe it or not. It's funnytoday I was just on TRL, and I had this skirt on and I was like, walking
•
tures my voice and who I really am. And I think people are going to be
pretty surprised.
around, and I told my manager, "God, I hate this! I feel like such a nerd. I
You actually dated girls before you ever dated boys. Will your book
can't wait to take off these clothes and put on what I really want to wear:'
go into your early experiences?
I'm about to cut off all my hair again, now that the show is done and I can
Yeah, I touch base a little bit but (I don't go] into too much detail, because I'm
do whatever I want. And I'm going back to my tomboy style.
saving all the juicy tidbits for my second book: the autobiography. It's going
Did you have to keep your hair long for the show? Was that part of
to be really amazing and profound and really awesome. And I'm hoping to
your contract, or just what you thought worked?
turn the autobiography into a movie about my life. Because I think it's so
No, I had to keep it for the show, because they asked.
profound that you'd think it was from a mov-
But it's so cute when it's short. I loved the faux
ie-that
hawk.
time to shed that A Shot at Love image and
Yeah, I hate being the sex icon. I never asked to be that,
just [go back to being] who I am. Yes, I have
I made it up-but
I didn't. It takes
and I think it sucks. I don't like being portrayed as
[had] experiences with girls, but I just feel
that or being seen as that. Because I have a lot more
like-like
to offer than just that.
like people in the media have exploited me in
I said, because of the show-I
feel
Do you think you get thrust into playing that role
the wrong way, so I hate talking about it now.
all the time?
I feel like, thanks to it, I'm just defending my-
Yeah, I do, and I hate it. I hate it! I feel like everywhere
self now, and I'm like, why should 12
I go it's like that's what (is expected]. Especially with
I do think it's easier for the public to ac-
the show, because they play you up to be this sex
cept a woman as bisexual once they've
seen her in a same-sex relationship.
You've been really sexualized in the media. How
Right.
much of that is out of your control?
You said that you want to do meaningful
I'm happy that it's over now and I get to just really show
stuff in your post-Shot at Love life.
the world who I am fully. I guess you could say I am
Yeah. When you get to a point where you're
more of a strong independent woman who likes to
just kind of prancing around and not doing
empower other women, and not ... take away from or
anything-I
degrade other women. I'm not that girl. Producers
I've done a lot in just the past year, with
do their things to produce a show, of course ... ! don't
two seasons back-to-back and promoting
just feel like I need a purpose.
have much control over what happens from there.
this show. And now that I have time off to
Do you think your fans already know the real Tila?
do what I want to do, I definitely think it's
Or do they just know your persona?
important to start giving back, and doing
I think the fans who have followed me from before the
something that's meaningful for myself, and
TV show definitely know who the real Tila is, and
you'll see glimpses of me when I do interviews. The new fans that just
not for some kind of publicity stunt. Because
I just feel like it's something I need to do to connect with how I grew up.
know me from the show ... they have the wrong idea of who I am.
I was watching a movie on the plane, and it was a movie about these kids
You probably have a pretty rabid fan base.
Oh yeah, I totally do, and I love my fans. That's the one thing that keeps me
who grew up in the ghetto; I felt much better watching this stuff, because I
feel like, OK, I'm getting in touch again with where I came from.
going when I get frustrated sometimes. I walk down the street and people
What do you want the next two years to look like for you?
get so excited and I feel like I'm here for them, and I need to get back to
I definitely want to feature in a big movie but ... no American Pie-type stuff. I
showing them that I'm still that same girl from before the show. And it
want to do something really morbid and dark and intense-very
sucks, because I am bisexual, but because of the show, I hate saying that
al. Or an action movie, because I have so much adrenaline for such a small
emotion-
now. It's like I totally don't want to talk about it ever-anymore.
person, and need to go kick some ass and beat up everyone in the movies.
You've been such a lightning rod for discussions about sexual
Something like that would be really awesome. I just want my voice to be
orientation.
heard, and be myself, and just kick ass in the next two years. And ironically,
fall in love-believe it or not. [Laughs.] ■
I think that's why I'm really excited about this book, because it really cap-
44 I curve
jersey girl
Tila dumped her, but we didn't. :
nown as the soft butch softball dyke with the thick
At this point, I don't even know what type I have. Before the show, I usually
New Jersey accent, Lisa Rizzo became this season's
liked girls with meat on their bones. [Laughs.] Now I just really go for the
sweetheart on A Shot at Love. Surprisingly, even after
person, as cliche as it sounds. I realize if I like you, I like you. I dated a little
she won every degrading challenge (hello, pig parts?),
Rizzo was booted off (perhaps because she called the
star a fake and refused to utter the other L-word). We mourned her departure.
Asian girl, and used to date big tall girls, so I don't have a type at all.
ould you date anyone from the show?
No, I actually wouldn't. I was really better friends with all of them. I wasn't
But, don't feeltoo bad for her. She now has a new clothing line, kaRIZZma, to
really sexually attracted to anybody like that. I actually did like Tila, believe
keep her hands busy.
it or not.
Is your Ii e better now, or the same, or is it crazy?
Why does a hot softball coach need to go on television to find love?
It's very different. I was coaching college softball and there is no way I
I didn't plan on finding love when I went there. I thought it was going to be a
could go back to that right now. I was actually giving a lot of softball
good time.
lessons to little girls, and it just so happens that a lot of the parents
Would you do reality TV again? Or are you too normal?
don't call me now. But I'm doing a lot for myself. I'm still doing lessons
I'm far from normal. [Laughs.] I would do it again, but I wouldn't fight for love.
with a couple girls. Doing personal training. And I'm really working on
I'm just over the fighting-for-love-on-TV thing. I wouldn't mind it if people
my clothes. And I'm working on myself. I just went through hell and
fought for me, but I'm more of an athletic girl. I would like to do something
back. I learned a lot about myself, I really did.
physical. That's more my speed.
Is six weeks enough time to fall in love?
What did the, uh, pig taste like?
[Laughs.] Well, it tastes exactly how it sounds. It tasted a little bit like tuna fish
Oh my God, absolutely not. And, it wasn't six weeks of seeing [Tequila] all the
time. The only time you saw her was when you won a date. I started really
liking her-that's
why I won all those dates. But I [was] still like, I don't
even know this girl's real last name. I don't even know her family. I don't
g
ci
I
i:E:
~
wanted us to strip down. And, when we had to wear our little-schoolgirl
short little skirts. I can't mack it to a girl in
That's why I got the boot, because I'm not
a short little skirt. Last season was much
going to say "I love you:' I have more mor-
more genuine and wholesome.
als than that. I just couldn't do it. I wasn't
Did you watch the finale?
cut out for the whole, I love you, I want to
Yeah, oh my God. I thought I was watching a
be with you, in a matter of weeks. It's not
soap opera. It was so dramatic. I was shocked
my thing.
because Kristy is a very honest person. I am
glad I left when I did, when I saw that kind
gay, compared to the other contestants.
of ending.
I do think that [everyone on the show was]
I hear you were a troublemaker in high
gay, but when I first pulled up-where
school. What exactly does that mean?
I'm from, Jersey, I mean I'd never seen
Chasing girls, pulling pranks or what?
lesbians
that looked like that. People
Growing up I was just a bad-ass, because
I hang out with have cargo shorts and
I was a tough girl. I lost my father when I
boxers under their pants.
was 4 and I grew up with a working moth-
Speaking of fashion, what gives with your
er and it was me and my brother and sister.
clothing line?
I like cool, funky, rough-like,
strong pieces
I was at the time. That's what I knew, was
of clothing, and I never found any like
to be that tough girl. So I did. I pulled the
pranks. I was voted class clown, which is
[We] fended for ourselves and that's who
that. I like the rocker style, that indepen -
0
season seemed to sexualize Tila. Any thoughts?
Yeah. It started the first night I was there and we had to go in the cage. They
know what she looks like in the morning.
Are you this season's Dani? You "look"
~
with dog crap. It was disgusting. I don't know why I did it.
Thi
dent feel, and I figured I'm going to do
my greatest achievement.
this. I have a great fan base. [The line is]
Who do you want to date?
called kaRIZZma,
I really like LC [Lauren Conrad]
and I'm starting slow,
from
The Hills. [Laughs.] I usually like girls that
just with T-shirts.
Are you dating?
pretty much have some morals to them,
No, I'm not. I'm single.
but are sexy. A lady in the street and freak
(/) What kind of girl a
you attracted to?
in the bed. ■
October 2008
I45
loadedthingto say, but I don't likelabelsat all.
Maybe you'llhelp me figurethis out,
becauseI thinkI'll be asked this again.
borderland between northern Mexico and Texas, Kirshner says she felt a sense
of powerlessness.
But don't think for a minute that everything in Kirshner's world is dark
and depressing. The woman whose star has been on the rise since she first
"I sort of came full circle with the book ... in terms of being really energized
stunned audiences as a young stripper in Atom Egoyan's Exotica, cemented
to do it ... working on the book, and being totally disempowered and then feel-
her provocative reputation as a dominatrix in Love and Human Remains. She
ing like, OK, I can't do everything, but this is what I think I can do. I can do
also appeared as a bisexual terrorist in several episodes of 24, showed off her
my best;' she admits. "The communities we go into, I would hope-I
think-
comedic chops (and lesbian kissing) in Not Another Teen Movie and played
when somebody feels ... cared for, it just makes them happy and listened to:'
Heather Graham's BFF in the queerish Miss Conception. And of course, there
In her first foray into writing, Kirshner is always cautious about how to
label herself. In a world where Angelina Jolie made humanitarian work among
refugees the hip thing to do, Kirshner worries about being seen as just another
actor jumping on the bandwagon, merely to garner publicity. But, she says her
travels weren't easy. Since she was doing this largely without the support-or
security-of
is TheL Word and the role that made her a household name ( albeit, a hotly
debated one).
While on The L Word set, she and the cast goof off, play pranks on each
other and meet up for beers after work.
"Last year, Kate and Leisha stuck fake
an organization, Kirshner found herself illegally crossing bor-
silicon breasts on the headlights of my
ders and walking through war-torn cities, sometimes without bodyguards.
SmartCar, which I drove around a couple
weeks because I didn't notice;' she says,
But meeting refugees this way made it easier to get them to open up to her
and share their experiences.
Using the first person throughout, Kirshner retells the refugees' stories
laughing conspiratorially as she shares her
in a journal that contains mini comic books as well, an ode to Kirshner's
around with the same thing on her car
love of graphic novels. This makes the book unique. 'Tm not a journalist and
right now:'
I'm not a trained writer. There's no byline on any of the pieces ... so it really
or myself. I just felt like the book was supposed to
While she plays Jenny, arguably the
least popular character on the show,
could be anybody-you
form of revenge. "Kate is actually driving
represent an intimacy. My partners and I felt like a journal sort of suggests
Kirshner doesn't let the occasional flak
intimacy and closeness:'
Both journalism and humanitarian work are disciplines Kirshner is famil-
from angry fans get to her. She sees Jenny
iar with. Kirshner's father and many of her friends are journalists; her mother
but one that she enjoys doing.
as a job-a
special kind of job, no doubt-
teaches refugees. And the Canadian native is no stranger to painful events.
"I understand that she's not a hero and
She comes from a Jewish family that bore witness to the Holocaust and expe-
I understand that she's a troubled charac-
rienced diaspora. "We sort of grew up with not knowing what really happened
ter;' she says. "I think she's entertaining. I
to the family;' she says. "That really (is] haunting all of us, and I'm sure that's
mean ... she's a human car crash:'
why my father became a journalist. That stuff was thematic growing up:'
Season six is a complete mystery to
her, as is her next big career move. With
While she is quick to say that that her life is nothing like those of the
people she interviewed, Kirshner feels an emotional familiarity with them.
"We're all displaced and are refugees in a sense;' she says of her family.
''.And it's an issue that I'm interested in, and has, at times, changed my life. You
realize after the fact, when you look back at years in the past, you realize how
quickly that time passed. And I just felt like ... I'm basically floating through
things and I better start changing the way I live, so that's sort of the evolution
the I Live Here Foundation growing, Kirshner says that she loves acting
but will need to find work that can accommodate her commitment to the
foundation.
"I love to act and it's a pleasure for me to work on something I'm passionate
about;' she says. But don't expect Kirshner to get on a queer soapbox.
"I realize this is a loaded thing to say,but I don't like labels at all.I don't know,
of the book:'
The book focuses mostly on women and children, and Kirshner worries
maybe you'll help me figure this out, because I think I'll be asked this again:'
Labeled or not, the actor has another book in the works. Called I Love
that it will be marginalized because of it. She says she dislikes using certain
Here, it will be about how people love, and through the foundation she plans to
words-activism, inspire, humanitarian, even feminist.
"Those words shut me down, because I'm a pretty cynical person and it
launch another creative writing program in brothels along the Thai-Burmese
feels like you're being talked down to. So I really tried to use language I felt
Kirshner, the sixth season of TheL Word marks a time of transition.
would appeal (to people] who are as cynical as I am:'
border, not to mention traveling the country on her upcoming book tour. For
"It's the beginning of something, not the conclusion;' she says. ■
October 2008
I 49
o/;v;a net.uton~john
We've always loved her. Her new lesbian role in Sordid Lives reminds us why.
In the 1970s, she was our Aussie sweetheart, with a string of soft rock songs like
fun role to play.
"Have You Never Been Mellow." Then came the hit film Grease, the cult smash
You've been public about a lot of the health issues you've dealt with,
Xanadu, the sexiest MTV video of the '80s ("Physical"), and this sweet power , from your own cancer to your daughter Chloe's eating disorder. For
someone who was so private once, you seem to be very public about
balladeer was cemented in American pop culture history. Though she never
stuff now. Was that an intentional change on your part?
stopped working, a brief hiatus to battle breast cancer (today she calls herself
The breast cancer I've always been open about, since about five years after I had
a "thriver;' not a survivor) took her our of the spotlight. When she returned, it
it, because I thought it could help people. And I didn't come out with them
was with a new mixture of abandon and clarity. The woman who once hotly
for any other reason, really. Because I am still private about my real private
debated lesbian rumors now thrives on playing a sexy-as-hell, guitar-toting,
life, but those are things that couldn't really be hidden. When you have an
trailer-hopping lesbian on Logo's new hit series, Sordid Lives. She's embraced
earing disorder it's pretty obvious to the world, and she was suffering with a
her queer fans (witness her apperances at gay Pride celebrations in Sydney and
lot of attention, so it was actually her decision to talk about it, because she's
Los Angeles) and created a virtual anthem in the song "None of My Business
recovered and doing really well, so she wanted to try and help other girls.
(What You Think of Me):' Despite her years as an entertainer, it's her role as a
health activist that may change the most lives. -Diane Anderson-Minshall
I know there's a theory that we don't know how much strength we
have until we're really tested. Does that match your experience?
I love Bitsy Mae, the whole lesbian, gum-chewing, beer-swilling,
Oh yeah, I think that's entirely true. I have a friend who's going through a
ex-singer thing. You have said that she's a little bit like Sandy from
really difficult breakup at the moment, and I was telling her, "You don't even
Grease, but gone terribly bad. How did you learn to inhabit that role?
realize who you are or what you're made of. You will grow from this-you
Once you don the gear and read the lines, it just falls into place. I don't
always do."And I remember when I first went through breast cancer, one of
know how I found it, bur I did. I guess there's a part of Birsy in
my best friends' husband called me-he's
me somewhere. [Laughs.] Ir's game playing, you know. Ir was a
he said, "Congratulations, now you will grow:' And it was a
a Buddhist-and
very interesting thing to say to me and it always stuck in my
head and it's absolutely true.
At the time, did it ring true, or did you just want to
slap him?
I would say that it rang a bell somewhere and I thought,
"Wow, that's an interesting thing to saY:'You always think,
wherever you are in your life, that you've arrived. And inside
your head you look back and realize you didn't know anything. And I think as you get older you realize how little you
know. You're always learning something.
You've juggled a lot in the public eye and I know you don't like
"survivor"-you're
a thriver, a fighter. What stopped you from retreat-
ing in all these situations?
Well, I think we all retreat for a certain amount of time, and I did. Bur there's
always that little inner voice that keeps me going. There's a bigger picture
and there are things I have to do, and even in the depths of despair I always
had that little voice that kept me going.
On the walk to Beijing you went through deserts and snow and walked
alongside Olympians. What was that experience like for you?
Oh, that's very hard to explain in a short interview. Ir was incredibly challenging, emotional, difficult, inspiring, to use a few expletives. Ian Thorpe, the
famous Olympic swimmer, arrived and his luggage was lost, and he ended
up walking the wall for about 12 miles in his socks. I think he's probably
started a new world record. There were some ex-Olympians and a few that
were pretty young yet, so it was amazing-it
was a lot of things.
Was it life altering for you?
Yeah, I think it was. I think that every time you do something that pushes
you to a limit and that challenges your every fiber, it is in some way lifechanging. Ir's true, it's changed me. I couldn't put into words in what way,
but in some way it has, yes.
50 I curve
Can you tell me a little bit more about the Olivia Newton-John Cancer
important. You don't use your bare hands, you use this aid, which makes
and Wellness Center?
your fingers like a magnifying glass and makes everything appear bigger so
I was approached about five years ago by the Austin Health Hospital in
that you can feel changes in lumpiness, or if you find a suspicious lump you'll
Melbourne, Australia, where I grew up, and they said that they wanted
find it more easily-smaller
to raise money for a cancer center. The government's given them enough
is the answer, because I detected my lump early and I think that's one of the
money to build a new hospital, but not a new cancer center. I went to see,
reasons that I'm so fortunate to still be here. But a lot of women are very-
and I was in such terrible shape, but I agreed to help them because I could
I've discovered from all my travels and talking to a lot of women-they're
see that the patients were being shuttled from one building to another in
very uncomfortable examining themselves, because they're scared they'll
lumps feel bigger. I believe that early detection
a van to have treatment. I said that I'd be willing to lend my name to help
find something, which is a very interesting human thing. The truth of it is,
raise the money if they would include a wellness center-something
the earlier you find it, the better chance you have of recovering. (The Live
I would have liked when I was going through cancer-to
that
have inside the
Aid kit) gives you a little barrier between your hand and your breast. Maybe
hospital grounds. And that little seed of an idea has grown into part of what
people feel more comfortable doing it that way as well. And it just makes it
the center will be now. I'm going to bring in the thought that instead of the
easier and it's just something to get in the habit of doing. As women become
cancer center it's cancer and wellness. Let's work toward wellness and away
more familiar with their breasts, they'll find those changes more easily.
from cancer. We'll have the most wonderful state-of-the-art hospital with
Breasts are, in popular culture, subjected to a lot of mythology and
all the best and most modern Western treatments. We will also have the
scrutiny. I know that it used to be such a huge issue when women
Ludwig Institute within the hospital, so that the
had to talk about breast cancer
patients and researchers can integrate and discuss
surgery. Are there more women
clinical trials in one place, because usually they're
coming out now about having
in different buildings in different towns. And the
had reconstruction and having
wellness center will be on the ground floor, so that
mastectomies?
before and after treatment, outpatients can go and
Yeah, I think that 15 or 16 years ago
have some kind of therapy or treatment, or a foot
when I had breast cancer, it was awk-
massage, or yoga. I want to include ... body, mind
ward to talk about. I mean, I hardly
and spirit.
liked saying "breast:' Now I'm very
comfortable with it and it's not any-
Are there other types of these centers around
the world? Are there other centers that you can
thing that's unusual. Our society
model after?
has changed so much as well, and
No, I think that's the point. We are the first, I believe,
I think that it's a really positive and
healthy thing that we're now able to
that will have all three things in one center. I want
to change the paradigm of how cancer is treated-you
treat the whole per-
talk about it, because it saves lives and it's just part of our anatomy and we
son and you give them this place to go while they're going through treat-
need to talk about it. I remember meeting a girl a few years before I had can-
ment. Because I remember I would go to a doctor's office and then you
cer who called it "the big C:' That's how it was, how people called it-you
leave, and then what do you do:' And one of the girls who did the walk with
me who had breast cancer-I
think she went through it twice, actually-
know, like, hush-hush. But not anymore, thank goodness.
Breast cancer is a huge issue for gay women, because we do have
said that she would leave there and she would go home alone, because her
proportionally higher rates of diagnosis. What kind of advice would
husband was at work and her friends were not available, and she wouldn't
you give to somebody who doesn't really know how to protect herself
know what to do with herself. She said she would love a place to have gone
in a situation like that?
where she could've had a little nurturing and a cup of tea and talk to other
I wish I could say there was a way, because you know, I didn't drink and I don't
people while she was going through the treatment. So that's been my dream
smoke, and I ate well and I exercised, and I got breast cancer, so I don't know
and it's going to be a reality.
how to say protect yourselves except those things obviously are a good help.
I wonder how it will affect having the research wing there, where you
Omega- 3s are called essential because they're essential for health. Vitamin
actually have patients in the same facility, because one of the things
Dis important, and I'd say if you're genetically predisposed to it you should
that we've heard about research trials is that they're so clinical that
be more aware. But I really think that the environment we live in is so pol-
they get detached from the people who they're testing.
luted now and we have so many problems on the planet that are obviously
Exactly. And that's what's going to be wonderful. They're going to be able to be
causing these increases in cancer in every area of the body, that we should
hands-on with doctors and the patients as they're going through the tri-
just be smart and self-examine, so that if there is anything wrong you catch
als. That's what the heads in oncology there are very excited about as well.
it early-that's
(The people at] Ludwig are really amazing, they're already doing designer
and healthy attitude and all that, which of course helps.
really my best advice. Apart from all the positive thinking
treatments for people and they're having some wonderful breakthroughs,
Many of your films are cult hits-Grease, Xanadu and even Sordid
so I'm hoping I can announce something major in the next year or so. So
Lives. Do you think under all that wholesome charm you are just a
it's very exciting.
quirky girl who always picks quirky projects? Or do you have any idea
Tell me a bit more about the Live Aid, the breast self-exam kit. How
that they are going to become huge?
did that come about?
Oh gosh no, of course not. All those years ago, I couldn't have possibly known.
Live Aid is fantastic and that is going to be launched later in the year. We're hav-
In fact, the movie wasn't a big success. The album was. At the time, the movie
ing a major launch of it in October. It's a wonderful thing. I've been involved
really didn't do very well, because it wasn't a great movie, but the dancing and
with this aid for quite a while and it's an amazing thing. It's a professional
the music were good, I think that's what's held it together, and now the dia-
and simple way for a woman to do her own breast self-exam, which is really
logue has become kind of camp, you know:' So I think that's what happens.
October 2008 \ 51
There's one story I really love about how
beth 3ra.nt
you first recorded ,:Physical" and then
called your agent afterward and said, "Oh
Discover why she's Hollywood's low-profile darling.
my God, don't put that on the album."
Well no, [I said) Don't put it as a single. I was
just freaked out about it.
And do you still have those doubts now
Bech Grant has been in countless movies and television shows; however, she continues to maintain a low
profile in Hollywood. Now, she's a star in SordidLives:The Seriesas a chain-smoking, pill-popping Southern
about what your fans will accept?
spinster-a
No. I was just young and freaked out about
what it stood for at chat time. Now I
spending time in the shee~s with another leading lady, or kissing Michelle Pfeiffer. -
wouldn't. If I'm playing Bicsy I don't chink
I can worry abouc"Physical:' [Laughs.]Ir's a
whole new world.
role chat she perfects. Luckily for us, chis straight woman confesses chat she wouldn't mind
ColleenM. Lee
I honestly could not tell that it was you as Sissy Hickey.
Del [Shores) said one of his editors said, "Where did you find that woman?" and he said, "That's Bech
Grant;' and he said, "What:'" And I was thrilled. I said, "Oh my God, that's so exciting:'
There have been rumors that you might be
You grew up in the South. Are these characters fairly accurate, or more like caricatures of
gay and Sordid Lives creator Del Shores
the South?
said that playing a lesbian onscreen was
Oh, they're very accurate. Now, it's West Texas. My character is very much based on my grandmother,
the surest way to dismiss them.
[Laughs.]There were rumors years ago when
who was an Alabama-born and -bred woman. And there are some that are very particular to the way I
grew up, for sure.
I was younger, and I've noticed that it hap-
,, I\dJ·ust
pens to just about every female pop star.
You've got quite a resume.
love
You've been in everything from
to do a whole
Se>< MOV;e w:th
So you know I was way up there, it was the
normal thing. Bue in chose days it wasn't
A
something that was so open and talked
r(
about and everyone would have been cool
-,1..-,1..
nneL. Le
B
•
Friends to Jericho to movies
like No Country for Old Men and
,,
enn, n_:}
·
with. Then it was kind of hard, and now it's
kind of fun to play the lesbian.
Did you worry about those rumors when
Little Miss Sunshine. And let's
not forget Child's Play 2.
I had a great death scene in that.
/
How do you choose the roles? Do they come to you and you're
like, I'm just going to play it?
you were younger?
I mostly take everything I'm offered, but I've turned down a few
Ir's so long ago, I can't really remember.
things. I know once they asked me to eat a dead body, and I said no, I
I thought it was kind of strange, I
can't do that. At the time I was a vegetarian, so I potentially couldn't
couldn't figure out where that came
do it. I do get offered horror movies because of my archetype. I'm
from. I was married, for goodness' sake,
happy to play an evil person.
I had a child and I couldn't figure it out.
I'm assuming that you would probably kiss another woman
And now you could care less?
on screen.
Exactly.
I would. Woo! Michelle Pfeiffer comes to mind. I'd just love to do
That's either age or success.
a whole sex movie with Annette Benning. She is the greatest living
I think age. Wisdom, I suppose, is the
proper word for it.
actress we have today. She was robbed (of) her Oscar for [2004's]
BeingJulia. I did get to play her lover in Running With Scissors.We
You performed at Los Angeles Gay
didn't kiss. I got cut from the movie. But I rescued her from chat guy,
Pride this year. Was that something
and then we had another scene where we were in bed together, hold-
that you could have seen yourself
doing 20 years ago?
ing hands and asleep. But they cut the whole part from the movie. So
we didn't kiss, bur I did get to hold hands with her.
Oh, probably not. Bue I don't chink they'd
You worked with Rue McClanahan on Golden Girls.
ask me, I was too busy raising kids and
How was the chemistry between you two after so
doing chat kind of thing then. I did
Mardi Gras this year for the first time
in Sydney and it was just a blast. I had
such a good time.
many years?
I love her so much. I also worked with Rue in a revival of Picnicat
the Ahmanson here in Los Angeles. She was a best friend co me.
I had had a fantasy when I was a little girl of going to Mardi Gras,
I used to sing and cry over your songs
which I still never have done, and the kids would go and they would
"Sam" and "Please, Mister, Please." I
bring home these glass beads, and incidentally I mentioned it co her
would love to go back to tell myself not
when we were talking. And for opening night-and
to cry-what
break, by the way-I
would you like to go back
it was my first big
had done a little bit but it was my first real job
and tell your younger self?
chat was going to last for three months. And opening night, Rue gave
Oh goodness, that's a deep question. I have no
me these beautiful crystal beads. And I will never forget. She doesn't
idea. Oh relax, probably. Don't worry so
even remember it. She's a very generous person onstage and in life, and
she'sjust fabulous. ■
much. ■
52 I curve
J-lle
The sex-crazed golden girl goes good-deliciously so.
She is absolutely adored by gay men, but Rue McClanahan-who
is per-
coffee:' She had so many disappointments. She didn't trust her luck. She
haps best known as sexpot Blanche Devereaux on The Golden Girls-could
didn't trust the quality of [the show]. Nobody knew it was going to be
be a lesbian's best friend. She played one on stage in the early '70s (before
groundbreaking, if it is in fact. I don't know. It was groundbreaking because
it was a safe career move), and is all for our right to marry. Her recent por-
it was about four older-three
older-women
and a mother.
trayal of Peggy Ingram in Del Shores' Sordid Lives: The Series shows that this
Are there any shows today that are confrontng important issues?
golden girl still has the spunk to entertain and amaze, while staying humble.
-Colleen M. Lee
No, there aren't. I couldn't name any. I think Scrubs is one of the best comedies,
about what he's learned from his experience-what
the episode shows.
That's a nice series. I
How did you get involved with Sordid Lives?
I got a script from Del, I read it and I said, "Oh, my God, this is good:'
Everybody he's hired to be in it knows the material so well. We all relate
to these people.
/
Since you're working with all these well-known actors, and of
course, you are so well-known-are
you all getting along?
Yes. Del is responsible for hiring good people, and putting us
together. But it is sort of a-you
never know what you're
with a lovely philosophy behind it. [Zach Braff] narrates it, and he tells
~~
It needs to be
le3al/zed. I ./"'ally
bel/eve that ....
Marr/a:3e /s a l/.f"'elon.3 reld/onsh~-"
guess I've done things right in my life and now life is just
vision standards
have
reached as high as
Norman Lear reached,
as high as Golden Girls
reached.
You've written a
book, My First Five
going to get. When you go into a series or a movie or
something, you don't know what's going to happen. I
don't really think tele-
Husbands and the Ones That Got Away. You clearly believe in
marriage. What's your take on same-sex marriage?
I think it's a good idea for people who feel that way about each oth-
giving me good rewards.
You played a male-crazed single woman on The
er. Because I believe that unions and support and companionship
Golden Girls, and now you're playing a woman having
and love are vital to it, and vital to creating a family, a family unit,
an affair with a married man. Would you ever play a
lesbian in a movie or on a show?
Oh, I've already done that. I played a lesbian in
adopting children, or having children, in the case of lesbians. You need that legal protection, so that you
are the first-the closest one-if someone had
a play in 1972. It was a little-known play, it
to go the hospital, or someone, maybe someone
didn't run very long, but it was very interest-
dies, and there's a question of property or child
ing. I took it because I wanted to see what I'd
custody. You know, you need that protection. It
do. I think I brought it off. The name of the
needs to be legalized. I fully believe that. I truly
do. Because that's what marriage is, it's a life-
play is God Says There Is No Peter Ott.
If you could choose any role, what would
long-or
hopefully lifelong-relationship.
Is there anybody you would like to work
that role be?
Well, there isn't one anymore. I've already
with that you haven't?
lost the age where I could have done
I would like to work with Anthony Hopkins.
Billie Dawn in Born Yesterday. That's a
You've gotten many wonderful reviews
role that I should have done somewhere
about you as Madame Morrible in Wicked.
along the way and didn't.
So is this the cherry on the cake?
So your roles have been on groundbreaking shows-Golden
in the Family-which
Girls, Maude and All
collectively tackled
You never know what any one audience member is going to think, and that's really all a
reviewer is-one
opinion. But he has all that
huge issues of race and class, feminism,
power, really. All that influence. So when
sexuality, aging. Did you know that each
you get a good review, it's always greatly
series was going to be important?
appreciated. I was so pleased. I was a replacement, and I wasn't sure they'd even give
No. I knew Maude, for instance-I
knew
it was going to go on. I expected it to get
picked up every year, which it did, because
it was so special. Golden Girls I just knew
was a winner. I always knew it. Betty [White]
me a review. I'd even forgotten about that.
Thank you for reminding me.
So you don't take a good review for
granted?
always believed we'd never get picked up for
Oh, no. No. No.
another season. She'd [gasps], and I'd say,
You have to stay humble.
"Betty, for God's sake, wake up and smell the
Well, you have to stay realistic. ■
October 2008
I 53
C-a.ro/,'ne rhea.
Can you believe she's not gay?
She's a self-confessed girl's girl, and will easily admit
I never have.
that she would kiss one of rhe women on Grey'.s
Given the chance, who would you kiss?
Anatomy. Caroline Rhea replaces Delta Burke as
the horny trailer-trash neighbor Noleta on Sordid
Lives: The Series, but she also doesn't mind dis-
cussing the constant media attention about
her weight and her confusing backstage experience with
Hmm. I'm going to ... I'll have to think about that.
We're going to revisit that question. You've
been on The View a few times. Is it actually the
powder keg that we all hear about?
I had a funny experience last time I was on because
I was wearing a very low-cut dress ... ! was sew-
Barbara
Walters on The View. -Colleen
ing it up, and we were in a meeting and Barbara
Walters looked over at me and she said,"You have
M.Lee
to sew that dress up. TI1e cleavage is too long:'
You take over Delta
And I'm like, "OK, do you think I'm just hold-
Burke's role as Noleta in
ing a needle and thread in my hand, hoping to
Sordid Lives. Did you feel
puncture some part of me? Like, that's what I'm
any pressure taking over
doing!" I don't know what it is-maybe
that role?
are so uncomfortable and that's it. I was riveted
I did! But I think she and I are
the chairs
when Rosie was on. I watched every day. I was
such different animals. She's a
dying to see what she said.
glamour girl. I don't think, if it
hadn't been as well-written, it would
have been possible to jump in.
A lot of attention has been directed
at you for being on Biggest Loser,
and it seems like you're constantly
under the gun about your weight.
When I started doing stand-up I felt free to
discuss weight. [It's] one of those issues that
~✓
When I started
do/n.9 stand-a? I
.f"'elc-f"'reeto disc_uss
t.ue,jht. CIt \SJ one
o.f"'those issues that
t.uoMen bond over.··
women bond over. What really pisses me off
is, I look back and we had the meanest costume designer in the world on Sabrina. And
You hosted a late-night talk show. It seems
she was constantly telling me how fat I was. And
there's more pressure for women on a talk
I look back and I'm like, "I was skinny. What was
show than for men.
wrong with your"
I agree. And for some reason, women are only sup-
You've mentioned Sabrina the Teenage
Witch. It appeared to at least some in the
lesbian community that the show was giving
posed to do daytime and men do late night, which
I find completely irritating.
Do you have an opinion on why that is, other
props to lesbian parenting.
than the obvious?
When RuPaul came on the show, he said, "I love this
There are just a lot of men making the decisions.
show-you
two lesbian aunts and the drag queen
They want ocher men. They believe that it's col-
cat."We got an award in England because we were
lege students watching and men laugh at male
same-sex parents.
humor. Bue I disagree because when my talk show
ii
I think you are to lesbians what Kathy Griffin is
was on, it played at 12:30 at night. We had tons
if)
to gay men.
of women and I loved it because many of these
That's the best thing anybody's ever said! I've never
women would be like, "We're post-menopausal
thought of that, but I would love to be that. What
I have noticed lately is that when I do stand-up I
have a lot more lesbian audience members. [I'm
a] girl's girl.
So when's the last time you kissed a girl?
and we can't sleep between these hours and we
love che face that your show is on:'
Anatomy. ■
Sarah Ramirez
CJ
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a..
a..
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0
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w ing Girls
We were tempted to call this section The 13 Coolest Jobs We've Heard
Of, but decided "cool" was in the eye of the beholder (or, in this case,
the reader). This year, instead of issuing our annual report on LGBTfriendly Fortune 500 companies, we've pulled together an in-depth
report on real lesbians in the workforce. More and more employers
are pulling out all the stops to woo us (two of our faves: nap rooms for
employees and the ROWE system, a results-only arrangement whereby
employees are free to come and go whenever they please). But being
gay in the workplace still creates hurdles for some. We hope these stories inspire you with the ways in which other women have taken matters
into their own hands, navigating the world of work on their own terms.
:t.,.-·ugGirlS
-wor~1
Onthe Clock
W
HETHER
YOU work in the boardroom or the mailroom, on the
advice. "Sit outside the company and look at who walks out at the end of the
sales floor or the production line, there are a few things every les-
day. Is it a diverse group? If so, are they segregated or integrated?"You can also
bian should know about equality in the workplace. We asked two
ask to speak to a few current employees. Ask the person you'd be replacing
experts for advice: Selisse Berry, founding executive director of Out & Equal
why he or she is leaving; and ask your soon-to-be coworkers what they like
Workplace Advocates, a nonprofit dedicated to advancing LGBT workplace
about the company. "A prospective employee should ask about the company's
equality, and Kirk Snyder, the author of Lavender Road to Success: The Career
domestic partner benefits, support of employee resource groups and possible
mentorship opportunities;' Berry advises.
Guide for the Gay Community and The G Quotient. Making the most of your
9 to 5 might simply mean recognizing the strengths you bring to your current
company, or it might mean finding a new employer who already knows how
beneficial it is to have a diverse workforce.
Conductthe interviewon yourownterms.
Everyone hates job interviews, but even if your nerves get the best of you, don't
let an interviewer draw you out or put you on the defensive about your per-
Dowhatyou love, but understandthe biggerpicture.
sonal life. "Regardless of a person's sexual orientation, it is not legal to ask an
"Lesbians can be found in all professions and in all industries, though some
applicant if they are married or what their spouse might do for a living;' Berry
industries are more welcoming than others;' says Berry. Having a feel for
advises. If you are asked questions that make you uncomfortable, keep it posi-
what your industry is like as a whole will give you some context, making your
tive and professional. Berry recommends saying something like, "I understand
career decisions easier. Snyder identifies technology, entertainment, education
the question, but how does my relationship status affect my job performance?"
and human resources as sectors that have historically been lesbian- and gay-
or ''I've been in a committed relationship for years, but I would rather focus
friendly. But, he cautions, you don't want to make assumptions."The key is to do
on how my skills will benefit the company:' If you've done your research and
your homework and find out what the internal reality is for the company itself'
found that the company is probably lesbian- and gay-friendly, then you can
Fit with the company,not just the job.
out of it, they won't either;' says Snyder. 'J\nd if it does make a difference to
So, you've just landed the perfect job, and you're thinking you've got it made.
them, you want to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction:•
relax a little. "People will take their cues from you. If you don't make a big deal
Well, think again, and take a minute to ask yourself, Is this a company I want
I
Be yourself,andthe rest will follow.
work for? Do they make a point of hiring and supporting a diverse workforce? Is their workforce in favor of diversity? "The 'right fit' oftentimes deter-
To come out or not to come out-that
mines the success of an employee;' Berry cautions. It can be hard to know
self every time you start working somewhere new. Ideally, this shouldn't be a
whether you've found the elusive right fit, but Snyder has some practical
quandary at all, but for many lesbians coming out at work just isn't an option.
to
56 I curve
is the question you probably ask your-
Someemployersevenadjusttheir employees'salariesto
offset the tax liabilityincurredby domesticpartnerbenefits.
"You never want to come out if you think it may cause you physical harm;'
ity incurred by domestic partner benefits. "For example, if an employee pays
Snyder warns. But, living in fear that you might slip and say something about
$3,000 in taxes as a result of domestic partner benefits, the employer increases
your girlfriend is not the way to be happy in your job. "It's important to bal-
the employee's salary by $3,000:'
ance personal integrity and authenticity with your professional goals;' Berry
says. The experts agree that you will probably be happier and more successful
if you can be yourself at work.
Bringyourcommunityto work.
"As companies start to embrace diversity in all its forms, lesbians will naturally
be attracted to organizations where they can bring all of who they are to work.
Trustyourintuitionanddo whatfeels right.
Studies show that LGBT people are attracted to companies that actively
So, you've decided you want to come out at work, but you aren't sure how to
recruit within the community, support LGBT organizations through corpo-
do it. If you are still at the interview stage, you can ask questions that "leave
rate giving and advertise in LGBT publications;' Berry says. If your company
the closet door wide open," says Berry. Something like, "Do you offer domestic
is lagging behind on equality issues, you might be able to jump-start its diversity
partner benefits?" Or, if you've already been hired, you might tell your cowork-
by taking the initiative. "There are so many great organizations, like Reaching
ers directly, or you might decide to be more relaxed about it, mentioning your
Out MBA and Out & Equal, to get involved in. Provide your employer with all
partner or community in passing, without making it a big deal. Take your
of the information and ask if you can represent the company;' Snyder suggests.
cues from how your coworkers act and choose a strategy for coming out that
"One great thing to do is present your company with facts about how increased
suits you.
diversity leads to increased profits. At the end of the day, money talks:'
Understandwhyyou are an asset to the workforce.
Understandwhat "equal"reallymeans.
Being a lesbian is a professional strength, not a weakness. "In general, compa-
"Employers are required by federal law to have an Equal Employment
nies from various industries have learned that cutting-edge innovatiot: results
when people from diverse backgrounds and varied experiences come together
Opportunity policy, but at this time sexual orientation is not included;' says
Berry. "It's paramount that Congress enact-and the new president sign into
to solve problems;' Berry says. In addition, Snyder points out that the personal
law-legislation
attributes you've developed by living as a minority can translate into valuable
all members of our community are protected;' she argues. Don't just take what
that includes both sexual orientation and gender identity, so
professional skills. "When you live in a world that still requires lesbians and
they're giving because you're working for a living. You can help make the daily
gays to create their own unique path, you develop a set of life skills that are
grind a little less grueling by using your vote to support equality. According
to Berry, "Today, more than 98 percent of the largest companies in the U.S.
tremendously valuable in today's world of work. From problem-solving skills
to a greater sense of intuitive awareness, being different can set you apart in a
positive way when you place yourself in an environment that affirms who you
are as a human being:'
Be sureyouremployer'snon-discrimination
policyisn'tjust talk.
"The gap between having non-discrimination
policies in place and enforc-
ing them is the biggest problem we face;' says Berry. Not all employers hold
themselves to the equality standards they post on their websites, and not all
coworkers adhere to the guidelines set out in the employee handbook, so you
probably won't be surprised if your company's stance on equality issues turns
out to be hype. But Berry recommends a few things you can do to improve
workplace culture: "Employees can seek out straight allies to advocate on their
behalf or request HR to host diversity training like that offered by Out &
Equal's Building Bridges Diversity Training:'
Stayon top of the latest benefitstrendsandmakethe most of them.
A happy employee is a productive employee. According to Berry, more and
more companies are seeing the light and supporting their employees with
comprehensive benefits packages that include items like flexible schedules
(including telecommuting), LGBT-specific mentorship programs and Family
Medical Leave Act (FMLA) benefits for domestic partners. She says that
some employers even adjust their employees' salaries to offset the tax liabil-
include sexual orientation in their Equal Employment Opportunity policies:'
It's officially a trend; now let's work toward making it the law. ■
:1r·ngGirlS
worD-1
Headwayin MotorCity
Meet a lesbian who is part of the new wave of diversity at General Motors.
By Kelsy Chauvin
HE REALLY digs her job. She's only 30, but Roberta "Birdie" Ball,
a quickly changing marketplace, GM is adjusting its approach to designing
who works on the line at General Motors, is already a true maven
and manufacturing automobiles while intensifying the way it markets divi-
of Michigan.
sions and vehicle brands to appeal more strongly to African American, Asian
S
Ball is following in the footsteps of her father, grandfather, aunts and
uncles who devoted their lives to the auto industry; however, this legacy only
partly explains why Ball is so totally gung-ho about her work.
American, Hispanic, LGBT and women consumers:•
The good news is, the marketing lingo manifests itself in reality. GM is one
of the largest employers of African Americans in U.S. manufacturing. Latinos,
"I produce what America drives;• says Ball. "People tend to have miscon-
Asian Americans and women serve as some of its top corporate executives and
ceptions about the auto industry. But GM is making some of the best prod-
board members. And, since 1999, GM employees have joined "affinity groups"
ucts in the world and doing it right. It's not just about buying American, it's
that help the company make policy improvements and lead to professional
about buying a great-quality produce:•
growth for their members, all in the name of parity. Among chem are groups
A conversation with Ball on the subject of building cars yields many statements like this. She is a great advocate for chis hardcore American industry,
and she has no trepidations about being a woman-much
an-in
less an out lesbi-
a traditionally male workforce.
for people with disabilities, Middle Eastern Americans, Asian Americans
and veterans.
GM is ramping up both its employee and customer equality campaigns to
include the queer community. GM PLUS, the LGBT affinity group, is 220
Ball began her GM career straight out of high school. Starting as a con-
members strong; it facilitates discussion between employees and executives,
tractor with one of the Detroit plants, she soaked up everything there was
and was instrumental in securing companywide domestic partner benefits and
to know and in a matter of months was hired as a body shop supervisor in
anti-discrimination
Hamtramck, a Detroit suburb. Now, as a paint supervisor, she leads a team of
policies.
GM PLUS has also been a catalyst for the company's ongoing queermarket pursuits, the most recent of which was its collaboration with Logo to
produce a new Cadillac and Saturn ad series timed to appear during the New
York Auto Show. In a way, the ads are an outgrowth of the 1995 Saturn campaign that placed the first automotive print ads in LGBT magazines.
Meanwhile, GM is fighting the good fight on the political front and
investing in partnerships with gay-rights advocates like the Human Rights
Campaign. Through
the HRC,
GM joined
the Business Coalition
Workplace Fairness to help pass the Employment Non-Discrimination
(ENDA). Together with 51 ocher major U.S. corporations-from
The Gap to Goldman Sachs-GM
for
Act
Google to
petitioned Congress to pass ENDA, and
to include sexual orientation and gender identity.
For Ball, successes like these are just icing on her big, auto-loving cake.
Regardless of the progress her company makes or the benefits they bestow,
Ball's directness makes her a quintessential role model for shy queers. Indeed,
she would have been an outspoken proponent of gay and lesbian rights in
any era.
'Tm totally out;' she says. "Never been in. I don't know how to be. I
work better being out. I chink chat's the only way to make things better-by
being yourself'
She admits that her generation is privileged to be out without even chinkabout 50 union workers at the Orion plant, where she seals and colorizes the
Chevy Malibu and Pontiac G6.
Her honesty, however, hasn't always been well-received. Underhanded
Despite how seamlessly all this has transpired, Ball's acheivements are
remarkable nonetheless-particularly
ing about it, without the societal pressures chat kept past generations closeted.
in a company with a 5-to-1 ratio of
men to women, and with the majority of those women in clerical jobs.
But her career path reflects a steady trend at GM, where diversity initia-
com-
ments from past supervisors created rifts; Ball, of course, dealt with chem
head-on. Today, she admits chat her own negative experiences on the line
have prepared her to quickly spot biases among the GM workers she super-
tives for queers, women and minorities have become integral to the LOrporate
vises. She tries to address chem before they become a problem. Not chat it
always works out.
mission. According to the company's diversity website, "To keep pace with
"You can't always gee through to people, so I just tell chem, 'We're respon-
ss I curve
DownWith
the OldGuard
sible for a job. We don't have to like each other;" she says in the matter-offacc tone chat has made her an unofficial GM spokesperson.
As the only female among her department's six supervisors, Ball is
proud co see several trends chat are strengthening her company. She says
GM recruiters are now seekingjob candidates from a wider field than ever
before, leading
to
less quota-filling and
to
a more well-qualified workforce.
Internally, there is more on-the-job training,
to
invest in workers and
promote from within. And on a personal level, GM is subsidizing Ball's
undergraduate education at Wayne Scace University, where she's studying
business management.
Ball is also glad
to
see the paint shop turn "green"as part of GM's larger
environmental initiatives. The building itself is becoming more energy
efficient, recycling is widespread and the water runoff inco the plane's surrounding forests is kept clean. Alternative fuel systems also are making
more of an appearance in GM products, which now include hybrids (with
recyclable batteries), and biofuel-powered and fuel cell electric vehicles.
But deep in Ball's heart, building cars and trucks is where it's at. She
rolls into work every day in her navy blue 2000 GMC Sonoma tru.:k,
ready to do her part to build solid vehicles. An avid hockey player and fan,
she's developed the work ethic of a professional athlete: Gender, age, skin
color and sexual orientation don't matter-getting
the job done is all chat
does. ''I've always been in male-dominated fields," Ball says. 'Tm used co
breaking in, then fitting in. I'm a big believer in 'Don't fight the system,
work ic:" ■
Reducingthe CarbonCarprint
z
<(
sz
§
<(
LU
:J
~z
True to its green mission, in 2008 GM/Chevrolet
launched Project Driveway. The program introduces
the Chevy Equinox Fuel Cell electric vehicle to
families through a free, three-month test drive. More
than 100 of the zero-gas, zero-emission Equinox
sedans are being loaned out through the program,
and participants are being asked to blog about
their experiences- and of course to feel free to brag
about their minimized carbon footprint.
"Our goal is to get Equinox Fuel Cell test drivers
that are as diverse as America," says Travis Parman,
GM's LGBT media relations manager. "And since the
LGBT community tends to have a lot of early adopters, we wanted to reach out and encourage LGBT
residents to apply."
Drivers in Washington, D.C., New York City and
Los Angeles are eligible, since they're nearest to
fueling stations.
Sketcha timelineof the most
mismanaged
worldeventsof
thepast30 yearsandDana
PIcore'slife storywill run
parallelto it in at leastthree
places.At 19, whenmostof
uswerechasingourcollege
crush,Picorewaslivingin a kibbutz
nearthe Lebanon-Israel
borderduring
oneof the mosttumultuous
timesin
the region'shistory.Tenyearslater
shewasa memberof the LosAngeles
PoliceDepartment
duringthe L.A.riots.
Andin 2005,shespenttwo weeks
sleepingona hotelroomfloorm New
Orleans
whileleadinga securityteam
in theaftermathof Hurricane
Katnna.
Picorehasa historyof takingthe
unconventional
path so it comesas
nosurprisethat sheIsthefounder
andCEOof PicoreWorldwide,
the
onlyall-womansecuritycompanyin
the UnitedStates."Aboutsix months
afterthe nots,I thought,I reallyneed
to startmycompany,"
saysPicore."I
wantedto addressissueslikethe riots
or schoolandworkplaceviolencein a
morecreative,contemporary
fashion."
Whatdoesa galwhowantsto
breakintotheno-girls-allowed
world
of bodyguards,
surveillance
andthreat
assessment
dofirst?Shegetsa Ph.D.
in clinicalpsychology.
"Traditional
securitycompanies
arestill all about
bruteforce,"saysGemmaBenstain,
COOof PicoreWorldwide.
"ButDana
givesit this differentperspectiveHer
background
in psychology
reallygives
a humansideto things.She'slikethe
Oprahin the securityworld."
P1core
maynothaveMs.Winfrey's
international
followingOustgiveher
a few years).butthetwo dohaveat
leasttwothingsin common:
thegift of
gabandthe propheticabilityto know
whatpeoplewantbeforetheyknowit
themselves.
A focusoncommunicationandrelationship
buildingalso
setsthe Picoregroupapartfromother
male-onlycompanies.
Picore'seschewing
of brawnin
favorof a morecerebralapproach
mayseemavant-garde,
butsheactuallydrewinspIratIon
froman ancient
source:the sixth-century
bookTheArt
of Warby Chinesemilitarystrategist
SunTzu."Ourtag line,'Theintelligent
approach
to security,'is bornfrom
SunTzu'sphilosophy,"
saysBeristain.
"Oneof the mainstrategiesin the
bookistheablilityto subdueanenemy's
armywithoutlayinga fingeron
them-that ideaof intenseplanning
andcommunicating
is reallyourkey
to runninga successful
operation."
Andtheyknowa thingor two
aboutsuccess:Since2005,Picore
Worldwide
hasgrownby leapsand
bounds.
They'vemorethandoubled
theiryearlyrevenueandthey'vegone
fromsmall-potatoes
jobsto servingasthego-tosecurityservicefor
celebritieslike PaulaAbdulandevents
liketheGrandPrixAutoShowand
the BETAwards.Thisyear,Picorehas
alreadytackledLongBeachPride,a
three-dayeventthat attractednearly
100,000peopleandrequiredalmost
200securityworkers-all personally
interviewed
by PIcoreor Beristain.
"It
wascriticalthat eachguardhavea
certainlevelof sensitivity,
because
thispartywasfor the [gay]community," saysBeristain.
"Wewantedto only
brmgin peoplewhohavethattactand
kindnesstowardthem."
Picore'sknackfor alternative
thinkingwasevidentto Beristain
whenthe pairfirst met,at a security
convention
in LosAngeleseightyears
ago."Youcouldcountthe women
there[ononehand],"saysBenstain.
"ButherecomesDr.Picore-with
that title-mto a securitymeeting,
andimmediately
I thought,Sheis a
commodity.
Shehasthis gift of being
ableto conveycomplexthoughts
with easilydigestibletheories."But
menin the industryweren'tas open
a femalepresence,
regardless
of
h strengths.Whenaskedif they
oftenthinkaboutbeingwomenin
a typicallymalefield,Picoreand
Beristainsay,almostin unison,"How
canwe not?"Womenarestill seenas
weakin this lineof work,saysP1core.
"We'restill stereotyped;
we'restill
reallyfar fromhavingequalground.
Therearea lot of mythsto overcome,
but our clientsarethe onesthat
aremuchmoreopen,muchmore
contemporary.
Theywantsomething
different.Andoncethe wordspreads
aboutPIcoreWorldwideandthe type
of workthat we do,we'll startto
changethe mindsof thosewhohave
beenskeptical."- BethDreher
October 2008
I 59
Nowit's HammerTime
A lesbian craftswoman opens her workshop. By Lina Swislocki
Brenda Hall, the craftswoman
behind H&L Woodworking
(hnlwood-
working.com), has faced her share of challenges trying to build a name for herself
Doyouthinkthat's affectedat all by Ikeaandthe like?
Oh, certainly, yeah. They make a good product, especially for the price. You
in the industry she loves. Since she began her career in furniture building, she
can't compete with that. I mean, we've done dining room tables for $20,000,
has found that in an industry dominated by men, respect has to be won, and
and the average person cannot afford that. I just did a piece that sold for
it's a particularly difficult challenge as a lesbian. Undaunted, Hall made her
$6,000. It's for my gay interior designer in the city, whom I love to death.
success by starting her own business building and staining originally designed
Doyou buildthingsbesidesfurniture?
and custom-made furniture.
Oh, yeah. I just started doing that. Furniture, kitchens, bathrooms, sculptures.
Tellme a little bit abouthowyou got into woodworking.
Since I was a little kid I always liked putting things together, from like, even 5
years old. My mom has stories of me building little boats in the bathtub.
In my 20s, I went to work for a pipe organ builder and worked in a cabinet
shop, and that's where I started to get a little more professional training in
woodworking and finishing, but before then I think the first real piece of
furniture I made [was when] I was a teenager. It was a bunk bed. And it
did actually work, which was amazing-it was very crude and primitive.
H&LWoodworking-what
do the 'h' and 'l' standfor?
Hall and Lebeda. Lebeda is my partner's last name. I wanted to call my business by my name, of course. But, there's a lot of [buyers] that see a woman's
name and could be turned off by that idea.
Youdo finishing.Is that like painting?
No, actually, stains. And I created my own stains for the job I have right now.
That's what I do. I make the colors and I apply them and all the different
lacquers, oils, whatever people want on their furniture.
You'rea realpro at finishing.Whyis it so rareto find a finisher?
Woodworkers are petrified to do it-to
That'sa prettycooltalent. I'm jealous.
Thanks. I'm tryin'. I make jewelry as well-like
bracelets.
wooden watchbands and
Doyou havea preferencefor workingwith bigpieces or small?
I kind oflike the bigger pieces. I have some pieces at home that ... don't laugh
but I want to sculpt a naked torso in it.
Dothe menthat youworkwith knowyou'rea lesbian?
Everybody knows I'm a lesbian. And we all talk about women together. The
guys that I work with are great. Very supportive. They love it. I mean what
man doesn't love a lesbian?
Doyou miss havingcontactwith morewomenor morelesbians?
I definitely would like to have more contact with more lesbians. I've always
worked with men ... I'm used to it. I wish I worked with women but there's
just not that many [that]-whether
a finisher. No one wants to finish.
you're a man or woman-want
to be
Why?
stain. So that's one thing that's kind of
It stinks. It's a time consuming job to put a finish on a piece of furniture.
given me the edge with my furniture, because I can stain and most people
Doyou feel like you haveenoughtime in the dayto get thingsdone?
can't. And I can make my own colors, which is why I got the job [I'm work-
No. I wish I had more time to do what I want to do, instead of what I have to
ing on now]. Not many people want to do it. It's really hard. It's a dying art.
60
I was actually going to go turn stuff tonight. Turning, on a lathe, like bowls
and table legs, things of that nature.
I curve
do. But I don't have enough clientele to make that jump. Yet. ■
Backto the Land
This novelist discovered that green acres is indeed the place to be. By Catherine Plato
IKE MOST Americans, Catherine Friend spent a good
Moon Farm in southeastern
part of her life happily eating meat, never questioning
fully balancing the financial necessities of run-
where it came from or at what cost. But when her part-
ning a small business with their deep-rooted
ner decided to pursue her longtime dream of owning a farm and
concern for their animals' well-being. Though
raising sheep for meat, Friend had no choice but to start paying
Friend describes herself as shy and doesn't con-
attention.
sider herself an activist per se, her dedication
L
Minnesota, care-
to animal welfare and to keeping consumers
"For me it's all about the animals, because I am a farmer
and I raise animals for meat," writes Catherine Friend in The
informed would make most people say otherwise.
Compassionate Carnivore. Her latest book is an account of the
Friend took some time off from her full schedule
injustices done to animals and consumers by large, conventional
of writing, chasing sheep and shearing llamas to
farms. It chronicles her effort to farm compassionately, and it
talk a little bit about her life on the farm.
gives tangible advice on how to eat a responsible carnivorous
diet. While herbivores and meat-eaters alike may be surprised that a sheep
Doesbeinga lesbiancouplemakeyouunusualamongyourcolleagues?
farmer could be so invested in the welfare of the animals she will eventually
I was working with a mentor on my memoir, and when she wanted me to dive
take to slaughter, Friend insists that her concern is not uncommon. "Farmers,
deeper into the difficulties of being an out lesbian in a rural area, I couldn't
especially small ones, care deeply about their animals;' she says. "You have to
think of any. We must be doing something wrong, 'cause no one has ever
love animals. It's so hard to keep them healthy and keep them alive, you've got
given us a hard time. The shepherds we've met, all heterosexual couples
to just love animals:' However, she clarifies, loving animals and loving meat are
in rural Minnesota, welcomed us into their group with open arms, and
not mutually exclusive.
have been helpful and supportive all along the way. We know many farm-
Friend is a self-described "lifelong reader and writer" who's penned six
ers around us who don't seem to be bothered. I don't know if it's because
children's books, two nonfiction books and two adult novels (including a
Minnesotans pride themselves on being polite, or if we are totally boring,
swashbuckling lesbian pirate series from Bold Strokes). She never imagined
or what.
she would someday own a farm. But in the mid 1990s, her partner, Melissa
When we started, it was sometimes hard to get businesses that catered to
Peteler, a conservationist, decided to become a farmer, and Friend found her-
farmers to take us seriously. But we've been doing this for 13 years, and we
self being dragged along for the ride. It took a little convincing, she says with
pay our bills and are part of the local economy and the local community, so
a laugh, but "not as much as it should have:' The story of Friend's transition to
farm life is documented in her best-selling 2006 memoir, Hit by a Farm.
Thirteen years later, Friend and Peceler are still raising sheep on Rising
it's no longer a problem. We've proven we're serious about this.
Does farmingfeel like moreMelissa'sprojectat this point, or wouldyou
say you'reequalpartners?
When we started, it was pretty equal because neither of us knew anything.
Because we started the farm totally from scratch, both of us needed to
be out there, figuring things out as we went. I spent all my physical and
creative energy gec_tingthe farm started, which is why I was "hit by a farm:'
After about five years, once the farm was up and running and Melissa had
gotten really good at everything and didn't really need me out there every
day, I pulled back so I could start writing again.
Youmentionedthat Melissadoesmoreof the dirtywork.Whatjobs doyou
absolutelyrefuseto do?
I draw the line at sticking my hand up inside an animal. I must also confess
that I prefer not to deal with the gross stuff, like lancing boils or stitching
up an animal's wounds. Melissa always wanted to be a vet, so she's fully
embraced that part of farming. I'm not going to even start listing some
of the amazing and scary and gross things she's done to keep our animals
alive and healthy.
What'sthe hardestpart of yourwork?
Contrary to what most people think, taking the animals to the processing
plant is not the hardest part. This only happens once or twice a year, and is
soon over. The hardest part is dealing with the chaos chat can come from
living with animals, and being so affected by the weather. You just never
know what each day will hold. At least we are never, ever bored out here.
One person told me it changed his life, which might be a little dramatic. But
people are really connecting with the humor, the stories about animals,
Andwhat's the best part, or the most rewarding?
my message of going slow and making small changes and with the idea
Feeding baby lambs, having them follow me around the yard, then fall asleep
chat they can make a difference. The most negative have been from a few
in my arms. After a few days, we sell these "bottle lambs"
other people
fairly militant vegans who've never even looked at the book, but believe
who have the time to feed them three times a day, and while it's best for
that carnivores cannot in any way be compassionate. Instead of harassing
me that way, it's always a little hard to see them go. I usually have 10 bottle
farmers who raise 70,000 animals a year, they're giving a hard time to a
lambs every spring. We always pull the smallest triplet and feed her our-
small, sustainable farmer who raises 70 animals a year and shares many of
to
selves, since out on grass the mother will eventually be unable
to
feed all
their concerns about animal welfare. Go figure.
What'syour favoriteanimal?
three when they get bigger.
The most rewarding? Seeing our animals grow strong and healthy just from
I love sheep and how they smell when you put your face close co theirs. We
eating grass on pasture. Watching the young ones run around the pasture,
have four 2-month-old
hopping and kicking and obviously feeling happy and safe. When your
way the barn smells now. I've clearly been on the farm too long, because I
sheep feel safe, you know you're doing a good job. Also rewarding is the
love the smell of manure and hay and straw. I love climbing the ladder up
feedback from people who buy our meat-they
into the haymow, where our three cats sleep; it's such a cozy place. At the
love how it tastes, and they
are so grateful the animals had good lives.
steers chat spend nights in the barn, and I love the
risk of sounding totally out of touch with the rest of the world, my idea
Whatkind of feedbackhave you been getting about 'l'heCompassionate
of a nice, romantic evening is to sit outside with Melissa drinking Mike's
Carnivore?
Hard Lemonade and watching the sheep and cattle graze. ■
DoI Heara HundredDollars?
Mostfirst-timersat a charityor art
auctionwouldprobably
notknow
whatto makeof LauraMichalek.
They
wouldexpecta middle-aged
manin
tweedsat a podiumwitha gavel,not
a bouncybrunettearmedonlywith
a microphone
andwearinga stylish
business
suit.
Michalekis a graduate
of the
Missouri
AuctionSchoolwhich
Newsweek
namedthe"Harvard
of
auctioneering."
Alongwitha quick
wit,a strongbusiness
senseanda
naturaltalentfor selling,Michalek
bringsyearsof charity,nonprofit
and
art auctioneering
experience
to the
auctionssheleads.
Beforeplungingintotheworld
of auctioneering,
Michalek
enJoyed
considerable
success
withherstore,
Standard
Home.
Thestoresold
Michalek's
pickof vintagemodern
furnitureSheclosedIt downafter
a successful
12-yearrunto focus
moreon herauctioneering
career.Of
herpassionfor interesting
vintage
modernfurnitureshesays,"I wouldn't
trademyfreedom,
thebeautifulold
thingsI regardandsell,the knowledgeI haveor thecompany
I keep
for a millionbucks"
Michalek
bringsa senseof I,umor
anda vibrantperformance
styleto
auctioneering
thatdrawsthecrowds
andsellslikenothingelse.KIk,
McKinnis
of theSOILArtCooperative,
whohasworkedcloselywithMichalek
for a numberof years,saysthat
Michalek
"makesheraudience
laugh,
shemakesthempayattentionand
shegetsthemto spendmoney
... they
comebecause
herauctioneering
is
entertaining
andfun."
Mostpeopledon'tunderstand
thatauctionsarehardworkandthis
worksometimes
beginsmonthsin
advance.
Michalekhasputtogether
a bookletthat instructsfirst-time
auctionhostson howto set up a
successful
event,as a supplement
to the auctioneer's
trainingcourses
sheteaches.
M1chalek's
clienteleincludes
organizers
of largecharityauctions.
artgalleries
suchastheSOILArt
Cooperative,
schoolssuchasGage
Academy
of Art,andcommunity
projects,
especially
thosepromoting
women'srights.Shesays,··1tendto
doa lotof artauctionsbecause
of my
background
m thedecorative
arts,and
thefactthatI ama patronof thearts
andcaredeeplyasto how
artistsarerepresented
when
theirworkis beingsold.''
Asa lesbianbusinesswoman,Michalekrecognizes
theimportance
of involvementin thecommunity
andtriesherbestto give
whereshecan.Asanactive
memberof Washington
state'sLGBT
community,
Michalekworksonnonprofit
andcommunity
projects
andis alwaysreadyto help
outwhereshecan.In May2007,
sheauctioned
art piecesfor the
Tacoma
LGBTCenterat its OutforArt
exhibition
andauction,whichenJoyed
resounding
success.
Michalekrunsauctionsfor about
50 organizations
eachyear.Onein
particular
thatstandsoutfor heris
HomeAlive.theSeattleself-defense
nonprofitMichalek
sayssheenjoys
thistypeof work.' Themoneywe
raisemaintains
andincreases
the
numberof servicesHomeAlive
provides.
It'ssimpleandclearand
necessary."
MIchalek's
currentproject.The
LibertyBall,is a charityfundraiser
auctionthatwill beheldat theSouth
LakeUnionNavalReserve
Building.
Luxurygoods,fabulousvacations
and
stunningjewelrywill beauctioned
off
andtheproceeds
will goto NARAL
Pro-Choice
Washington.
Theballwill
beheldon Oct.20,butanonlineauctionwill runfromSept.5 to Oct.16
Youcanfindmoreinformation,
bidfor
auctionitemsonlineor buyticketsto
theballat prochoicewashington.org.
Michalek
s company
organizes
charityauctionsfromtheplanning
stagesall thewayto thecheckout.
Sheoffersguestsandbuyersan
unforgettable
experience,
andforthe
organizers
sheensuresa smoothly
run.profitableevent.-Talia Philltps
October 2008
I63
:\.,-··ngGirlS
-wor~1
What DoYouDo?
One Hollywood producer shows us her job description.
J
,D. DISALVATORE isn't your average 40-something lesbian. She's the sexy beast behind
thesmokingcocktail.com, an iiberpopular queer entertainment blog, and an in-demand
Hollywood producer. She's produced several gay films, including Eating Out 2, Shelter,
Gay Propaganda,HBO's Reunion and Neurotica,and was once the manager of Outfest: The Los
Angeles Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, the city's oldest continuously running film festival.
She's often asked, "What does a producer dot She says, "Since no one has the appropriate
opera music to play to cue my response, I usually just sigh:'
But for those of us who really want to know, Disalvatore offers a partial list:
Findgoodscripts(this
taskresembles
any
IndianaJonesmovie
whenhe'slookingfor
buriedtreasurewhile
beingchasedby Nazis).
Tellthe agentsto getoff
yourbacksinceyoustill
havethosedigitalphotosof theirBJat Mike
DeLuca'slastparty
(insertBryanSingerif
you'regay).
Trynotto sayanything
whenyourstudioexecutivesays,"No,I'venever
heardof CitizenKane."
yourleadactorfindsout
abouttheSAGclause
thatstateshedoesn't
reallyneedto do nudity,
regardless
of anyother
signedcontracts.
Tellyourdirectorof
photography
there'sno
you're
moremoneyin the bud- Telltheteamsters
Convince
someone
with
getfor thatdepartment. onlyshootinga $40,000
Tellthestudioexecumoneyto investin the
miniDVfilm withmoney
script(forreference
look tivesthey'reprettyand
Telltheartdepartment yourmomgaveyou.
up"dogandponyshow" smart.Theylikethat.
there'snomoremoney
in Webster's).
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in thebudgetfor them
Smileandnodwhen
knowCitizenKane,
studioexecutives
give
Listento a director
remindhershe'snot
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younotes,generally
throwaroundphrases
department
there's
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like"myvision,"usually tryingto changeyour
nomoremoneyin the
she'dliketo be,remind
tonedpoem
witha requestfor some pensively
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profoundly
expensive
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WineBeforeItsTime."
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Trynotto developa
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A BreedApart
These women are top dogs. By Kathy Beige
OGS AND lesbians: They go together like sneakers and socks, hippies and hemp, sex toys and lube. It makes sense, then, that there's a
plethora of lesbians who breed and show their dogs.
D
Molly King never intended to be a dog breeder. It all started with a move
to the country outside of Ottawa, Ontario. All alone in a big house and 10
acres of property, she wanted a dog for protection. "I didn't think a schnauzer would cut it," she said. "So I decided I would get a Doberman:' That was
1992. Since then, she's gone on to be one of the top breeders of European-style
Dobermans in North America.
After falling in love with her first dog, she visited a breeder in France and
came home with two dogs to start Monaco Kennels. Besides being known for
protection, King said, "I like the way Dobermans look. They're all muscle and
they run like the wind:'
King worked in sales before she quit her job last July to dedicate all her
time to her dogs. "This has been a dream of mine for I don't know how long,"
she says. "It's not work. It's not a job. It's a passion:' In addition to breeding
dogs, King also runs a boarding kennel and dog training school.
At 58, King occasionally wonders how long she'll be able to continue to
work with dogs. "Sometimes I think, In another 10 years, am I going to be able
to lift 45- or 50-pound bags of dog food? But as soon as I get those thoughts
in my head, someone will send me an email or send me a picture and say,
'Thank you so much for these creatures that have brought our family so much
fun and joy: That's what keeps me going:'
Although she continues to breed, King, the founder of the Ottawa
Amazons Motorcycle Club, decided to quit showing dogs-an every weekend
commitment-mainly
so she could be a part of her lesbian community. ''I've
championed my dogs. I've been to major competitions," she says. "As a lesbian,
I want to do other things than sit in some park in a trailer. I want to be able to
be active in my community:'
Unlike King, Joy Brewster was born into the dog show world. Her mom
bred and showed Great Pyreneeses and her sister, Japanese Chins. Brewster,
one of the top dog handlers in the country, has been showing dogs for more
when she was home from college and in need of a job. Since she was an animallover, her grandmother suggested that she find out if any kennels needed help.
That summer job led her to change her college major from healthcare to animal
sciences and set the rest of her life in motion. When she graduated from college
she went to work for Brewster and then started her own business in 1988.
Now Burke and her partner, Kathy, run Kindred Spirits Dog Handling.
Burke has made a life for herself as a professional handler, showing her own
than 60 years. Now 68, she had her first
champion at age 7, an Italian greyhound
who she bred.
Since 2002, Brewster has been a dog
show judge. Although the process for
becoming a judge is tedious, it's a natural
progression for her. As a judge, her job
is to evaluate dogs against one another
and against a written standard. "It's all
an interpretation of words," she said.
For example, a breed standard might
say the skull is broad. "Well, broad in
the bulldog is quite different than in the
Dalmatian," Brewster explains.
Kitty Burke, 51, however, has found
her community in the dog show world.
She started working with dogs in 1978,
WhereArethe EntertainingWomen?
Turns out there are so many amazing women working
in the world of entertainment-from Skylab owner
(and TV star) Jackie Warner to
graphic novelist Ariel Schrag,
nightlife impresario Lori
Michaels, show runner Ilene
Chaiken, choreographer Anne
Bluethenthal and actor Sharon
Gless-that we decided to give
them their own special issue
in November. Check out our
Entertainers of the Year next
month.
and other people's dogs. She lives in
r nsylvania and breeds Tibetan
spaniels, but she shows many different breeds. She and Kathy met six
years ago at a dog show. It's not an
easy job or one suited for everybody.
Burke says, "It's a tough profession,
but it's a really fun and rewarding one.
Where else can you have a job where
you can be with animals 24/7?"
For a lesbian couple, Burke says,
"It's an ideal workplace because
dog show people are open-minded.
There's a high percentage of people
in the dog world that are gay. It's not
a job where you have to hide who
you are:' ■
October 2008
I65
By the Book
Two queer publishing gurus share their secrets to success. By Cheryl Craig
stare down unprecedented changes
Barot•We look for adventurous, committed, professionally minded authors
and industry shake-ups on a regular basis. Borders is the latest major
who are willing to embrace an environment of creative freedom combined
bookstore chain to shuffle how it handles LGBT-chemed work, dumping
with intensive craftwork. We are excited to publish the first book from a
I
NDEPENDENT
PUBLISHERS
thousands of books earlier chis year and sending even well-established pub-
new author, but even more satisfied to publish their fifth-or
15th-and
we all strive to make every book a better book.
lishers scurrying to replace lost income.
For the lesbian publishers behind Bold Strokes
Hill: Like any good relationship, publishing
Books and Bella Books, it was just another wave to ride
requires commitment from both sides. At Bella
out. Today, Bold Strokes is the largest lesbian publishing
and Spinsters, we are committed to producing
house in the country, and Bella is a lesbian powerhouse
original, well-crafted stories that speak to who
in its own right.
we are as women and as lesbians. We look for
It's the women in charge who set the tone for their
authors who are equally passionate and commit-
success, though. Bold Strokes' founder and publisher,
ted to their craft. I come from a place where I
Len Barot, a former surgeon who also writes under the
believe it's a privilege to be published, and I look
pen name Radclyffe, is one of the niche lesbian marker's
for authors who share that philosophy and who
most successful authors as well, with dozens of books to
are truly excited about being part of this incred-
her name. Former IT pro Linda Hill, the CEO of Bella
ible adventure.
Books, branched out and bought the popular Spinsters
If you could give one piece of advice to any
womanabout choosinga career, what would
it be?
Ink imprint and also launched Bella Distribution-a
network chat helps the work of other publishing houses
get into the hands of retailers and customers worldwide.
Though these two women work independently of each other, their approach
to business is similar.
Baro :You have to love it, and the satisfaction you find has to come from inside
yourself. When you finish a day's work and you feel a sense of accomplishment and pride, even though no one else has seen what you do, then you
know you're doing the right work.
Youboth had successfulcareers before becomingpublishers.Whatmade
you thinkyou couldbe successfulin publishing?
Barot. As with any successful business, it's imperative to understand what
ill, You have to follow your heart. I've been lucky enough to have several
careers in my life and I fell into as many as I'd planned simply by following
my heart and trusting that my instincts were correct. So trust yourself.
makes it tick from the ground floor up. In terms of LGBTQ publishing,
Believe in yourself. And cry really hard not to be afraid of failing. And more
quality literature is the essential ingredient, but we also have to be able
than anything, don't forget to enjoy the ride. ■
to produce it well, get it to our readers worldwide and foster the kind of
environment where young authors can improve their craft and established
authors can expand theirs. Those are the foundation goals of Bold Strokes
Books. I'm like the "stock boi" who became the corporate head. I've read
Out& EqualFounderSelisse Ber y
LGBTQ literature since I was 12. I've written it since I was 30. I've
self-published; I've been [print-on-demand]
published and now I
run a publishing house along a mainstream model. Short answer:
I know the business.
Hill. I was an avid reader and then an author long before I got involved
in the business side of publishing. Once I began working with
Naiad Press as their Web developer, I started to study and analyze
the process of publishing and learned everything about taking a
raw manuscript all the way through to publication and beyond. Having
a background in business mergers and acquisitions, I was able see what
worked and what didn't, and it didn't take long for my entrepreneurial
drive to kick in. I was just itching to dive in and had no fear at all.
Youhavemadeit possiblefor newwritersto havethe careerthey'vedreamt
about.Whatqualitieslet you knowthat a particularauthormightbe a good
fit for yourpublishinghouse?
66 I curve
1. HowdidOut& Equal
begin?
I startedworkingfor
nonprofits
andwashired
to runBuildingBridges,
LGBTdiversitytraining.
I startedtalking
to otherLGBTpeopleworkingin
companies:
What'sgoingon?Why
don'twesit downtogetherand
createsomesynergy?
Because
none
of (thesenonprofits]
hadstaffmembers,theywereall runbyvolunteers
thathaddayJobs.I broughtthem
together,
andthenwentto Umted
Wayandaskedfor funding,and
basically
theygavemea desk,and
a computer,
anda phone.Andthat's
whereit all started.
2. TellmeabouttheExcutive
Forum.
There'ssortof this"lavender
ceiling"
aspectwherepeopletendto goback
mtotheclosetthehigherupthey
get,evenif they'vebeenout.Which
1sunfortunate.
Sowewantedto createa safeplacefor LGBTexecutives
A SweetAffair
A new lesbian cruise line is riding the green
wave. By Katie Peoples
partnersat the sametime.
It's not mandatory that you volunteer, but for people who want to do that, I think
it's going to be tremendously fulfilling.I mean, how fun to spend the day working wildlife rescue with 100 women or cleaning up a beach. It makes something
that might kind of suck-picking
up trash-feel
good. You get to meet people
&om all over the world and interact with them around your core values.
HANNON
S
WENTWORTH
has spent her life as an activist. With
Yeah,I knowI'dvolunteermoreif therewerea cruiseattachedto it.
strong beliefs about human rights, charitable work and the environment, this
Yeah, and the trend in travel has been around ecotourism and having a lighter foot ..
lesbian entrepreneur made good use of her experiences and struck out on
print. Or volunteer tourism, where you go to a country and help restore some-
her own. The founder of Sweet Travel, Wentworth has decided to use her new
thing or build something or work with the local community and get a little bit
company to address the lesbian community's concerns by giving travelers an
more of a cultural experience. Our target market is starting at 25 [years old]
opportunity to do some good while they relax on an all-women's cruise.
and a big way that we think we can reach down to the 25-year-old market is
by marrying the social responsibility with the affordability of our trip. Weve
WhatmakesSweetTraveldifferentfromothercruiselines?
purposefully chartered a ship that doesn't have a bunch of luxury staterooms
Were different in a number of ways. But, were working really hard to create a green
that are out of the typical passenger's price range ... which allows us to bring
business. Cruising, air and sea travel [are] not very green. Were working re-
more people at an affordable price.
ally hard to make them greener by buying carbon offsets for all of our air and
Whyareyoutargetinglesbiansandnot a widergroupof people?
sea travel. Were also doing a number of volunteer projects ... So our first trip ...
It's a question I keep getting &om the under-30 set. I think being in an all-women's
leaves out of New Orleans and were going to do a three-day pre-trip where
atmosphere is extraordinarily beneficial at times. It's very healing and restor-
people have the opportunity to help out with the Katrina relief effort by day
ative, too. The biggest question I've gotten is: Will gay men be allowed? I think I
and then party in New Orleans' legendary night clubs by night. But our goal is
want to leave that up to the women who are traveling with us ... I'm looking for-
really to have this mix of doing good and having a blast at the same time.
ward to a day when it doesn't matter. [I realize] that will be the end of my niche
Whatinspiredyouto createa greenlesbiancompany?
company, but I'm really looking forward to seeing that in my lifetime-women,
I was an environmentalist and human rights advocate before I was a lesbian. And
and particularly lesbians, feeling comfortable traveling the world by themselves.
all of those things really came together for me in looking at how I wanted to
DoyouthinkSweetcouldappealto morethanjust the lesbianmarket?
take a vacation and what I feel like needs to happen in the gay and lesbian
The core properties translate reallywell to a much larger population-human
marketplace. I really wanted to create this vehicle for all of the things I wanted
to do with my life and in the world. This company is kind of a blend of all of
rights,
likes to do those things. Everybody is
becoming more and more aware.
Doyouthinkthatwillhappenin yourlifetime?
my ideals.
Andthereareso few opportunities
forlesbiansto volunteerandbe withtheir
to cometogether,
whetherthey'reout
or not,because
for manyof them,if
they'rewiththeirLGBTcolleagues
they'retheonlyexecutive
in theroom,
andwithotherexecutives
they'rethe
onlyLGBTperson.
The"SF24" [executives
handpickedto attendtheforum]were
sortof outalready,butnowthey've
comeoutin moresignificant
ways.
It's lightened
theirloadandtheydon't
haveto thinkaboutit at all,andcan
reallyfocusontheirjobs.Butthey're
alsolookingat waysto mentorpeople,
makesurethey'reconnected
with
theirLGBTemployee
groups,supportingtheirLGBTcolleagues.
the environment, having fun-everybody
3. HowdoesOut& Equalhelp
employers?
Out&Equal'strainingsconsistof
everything
fromhelpingpeoplefeel
comfortableusingterminologyto
understanding
moreof thelegal
aspects;encouraging
peopleto look
at theirpolicies,whetherit's their
benefitsplanortheirEEOpolicy,to
makesurethatsexualorientation
and
genderidentityareincluded.
Wehave
a listof 15stepsto anOut&Equal
workplace
andencourage
people
to marketto ourcommunity,
recruit
withinourcommunity
andofferleadershipdevelopment
opportunities
for
LGBT
employees.
I am hopeful. If I have to live to 150. ■
4. DoesOut& Equalonlyworkon
LGBTissues?
It felt veryimportant
to meto always
setLGBTissuesin thecontextof
broaderdiversityissues,sothatwe
didn'tendupwithsomekindof hierarchical,myoppression
is worsethan
youroppression
attitude.It's about
offeringthistrainingandmakingsure
we oftensaid,"If you'veexperienced
racismin yourlife,homophobia
is
kindof likethat."Tryingto helppeople
understand
theconnections
there,
encouraging
theLGBTemployee
networksto finda jointproJect
withthe
AfricanAmerican
or Latinonetworks
andseethecrossover.
5. Howhastheorganization
grown?
Aretheaffiliates
justin majorcities?
ThereareOut& Equalvolunteer-led
affiliatesin 12cities.A lot of affiliatesstartbecause
peoplegoto the
Workplace
Summit[anannualeventof
over2,300attendees
participating
in
over125workshops,
designed
to createaninclusiveworkplace].
There'sa
lot of enthusiasm-theywantto bring
a lot of thatenergybackhometo their
communities.
Weencourage
themto
findotherpeopleinvolvedin Out&
Equalandcreatea regionalcouncil,
putoneventsandoffersupportsowe
canhavea realpresence
aroundthe
country.-Alison Peters
October 2008
I67
Reviews Sapphic Screen
Bearing Witness
Three new films on discrimination, disease and radical revolt. I By Candace Moore
EDITOR'S PICK
Torchwood:
The
Complete
FirstSeason
and Torchwood:
TheComplete
SecondSeason(BBC
America):What's
moreexcitingthan
the secondseason
of Torchwood
being
availableon DVD?How
aboutthe first season
beingreleasedconcurrentlyon Blu-Ray?BBC
America'shighest-rated
showever,Torchwood
is deliciouslysexyfilled with adventure,
mischiefandhomo
(andlesbo)eroticism.
Eachdiscset letsyou
followthe daredevil
adventures
of Captain
JackHarkness(John
Threats come from all sides in film this month: sinister neighborBarrowman)
andhis
hood gossip, a deadly and unfathomable virus, a hyper-involved
alien-fightingteam,
government, conservative families and long-distance relationespeciallyGwen(Eve
Myles)andTosh(Naoko ships. These features will move you, frighten you, thrill you and
Mori).Seasontwo offers call you to action.
up freakynewaliens,
plentyof temptation The Terrorist She-Freaks of Texas (Hybrid Vigor
andgroovyguest-star Productions): Mixing found footage and grainy film of
appearances.
Bonuses Andy Warhol-style queer female superstars run amok, this
includebehind-the- mock-homophobic propaganda film is introduced by the tide
scenesfeaturettes, card "Department of Homeland Security Presents ... " while a
deletedscenesandoutmonotonous voice quotes faux-patriotic, conservative slogans.
takes.(bbcamerica.com)
Catchphrases like "amber fields of grain" echo in white subtitles
- DianeAndersonMinshall on the screen and flicker in and out in subliminal jerks. The
images, which ostensibly exhibit "deranged;' "deviant;' "perverse"
Icurve
the workplace and women in wedding gear. The drone of the
queer-hating voice-over becomes ever more desperate as the film
progresses, and is duly undone by the visuals of grrrl-powered
punk delight. A film to rally and entice the troops. (shejreak.com)
Fine Dead Girls (First Run Features): Young lesbians Iva
and Marija move into a Zagreb building full of nosy, bizarre and
just plain sadistic tenants in this Croatian drama, and soon find
themselves at war. While the couple is for the most part tenderly
occupied with clothing-optional matters in their warmly lit flat,
odd ducks abound outside: the gossipy and cruel landlord's wife,
the mentally impaired young man swathed in the colors of the
Croatian flag, the wife beater, the old man who keeps his wife's
corpse upright in a chair, the priesdike stranger, etc. Packed
transfolks and femmes in "dirty" embraces, are utterly captivat-
together in a tenement near the train tracks, this community is
ing-a
pure cinematic pleasure. The most fun is an orgiastic
always in each other's business: overhearing private fights, blast-
scene in a diner with dildos sucked through glory holes, a high
ing music and walking in on each other's secret and intimate acts,
femme holding her heel to a hungry mouth and a romp over
all punctuated by the sounds of the passing freight trains. Fine
Dead Girls' main tale is delivered via flashback with two extra
chairs and tables. Featuring genderqueers, FTMs, drag kings and
68
clips are spliced with cuddling dykes in the park, ravenous sex in
queens, butches galore and sweet and strong femmes prepped to
characters-Ivas
start a revolution, this Austin, Texas-centered short, directed by
we know who's due to go missing in the future, but the suspense
butch lover and the landlord's cocky son-so
Bug Davidson and Holly M. Lewis, pokes great fun at censorship,
rests in finding out why. Dalibor Matanii;:'s first feature brings
fear and all things puritanical. Cartoons and retro documentary
Breaking the Waves or other Lars von Trier fare uncomfortably
Endless Love
Searching 4 Sandeep provides an up-close and
extremely personal look at lesbian online dating.
to mind: Women tend to get punished-in
queer. (firstrunfeatures.com)
this case, for being
The Witnesses (Strand Releasing): Andre Techine's
modern epic begins in 1984, as Manu (Johan Libereau), fresh
from the country, acclimates to city life by cruising Parisian parks
for pickups. He also befriends an older doctor, Adrien (Michel
Blanc). Adrien is smitten with the handsome young boy but
refrains from seducing him right off the bat. Instead, he brings
Manu vacationing with his dear friend Sarah (Emmanuelle
Beart), a wealthy children's book writer who is suffering from
postpartum depression, and her hunky husband, Mehdi (Sarni
Bouajila), a cop. A swimming accident entwines Manu and
Mehdi who demonstrates that he's rough trade with a soft side,
and transforms all four adults into a slightly dysfunctional alternative family-a
family challenged when news of a mysterious
new virus surfaces. Adrien joins the war against AIDS, setting
up a relief fund and clinic, while HIV affects everyone close to
home. In keeping with his best work, Techines characters, camerawork, music and mise-en-sceneare precise throughout this piece
and, just as in Wild Reeds,evoke his signature emotional flourish.
But, The Witnesses has one segment too many; the final 15 minutes could have been shaved. Yet even with its extraneous footage, and Beart playing an especially cold fish, it will move you to
tears, perhaps because of how bottled up the characters are and
how excruciating that seems. Adrien, Mehdi, Manu and Sarah
are stubborn and don't beg, make excuses or often ask for what
they want; they are drained of sentimentality and yet are all the
more emotionally effective. (strandreleasing.com)
■
Three-plus
yearsand
severalcontinents
afterPoppyStockel!
andSandeep
Virdimet
ona lesbiandating
site,theyarea happy
couplelivingin Sydney,
Australia.
Theirjourney
to happiness
andtogetherness
wasa long
andarduousone,
fraughtwith family
tension,geographical
distanceandlongseparations.
Stockel!capturedit all on film, aftersherecovered
fromanotherrelationship
that beganin herearly20sandlastedaboutsix years
(seven,with the attendantdykedramabreakupstuff).Thatlengthyrelationship
camewith the wholenineyards-purchasinga housetogether,adoptinga dog,
combiningbankaccounts-of two livesintertwined.
Bythetime Stockell,then28 andsingle,returnedto the Sydneydatingscene,
thingshadchangeddramatically.
AsStockel!herselfput it, "Thegirlswereso
young,hadrazorsharpmodernhaircutsanda differentattitudeandvibethanI
wasbothusedto andlookingfor."
So,as with manylesbianslookingfor lovein the Internetage,Stockel!turned
to the onlinedatingsite,Gaydar.
Nothappywith the qualityof the womenshewas
meetingthere,shefounda moreinterestingandappropriatewomanon the lesbian site,PinkSofa.
Almostimmediately
Stockel!,whosehandlewasLaughingWave,
metShala,the perfectwomanin so manyways.Butseveralissuesneededto be
addressed.
Forexample,Shala,whoturnedoutto be 31-year-oldSandeep
Virdi,
wasa closetedIndianwomanlivingwith herSikhparentsandthreesistersin the
BritishMidlands,whileStockel!wasan out andproudlesbianin the cosmopolitan
city of Sydney.
Whatto do,whatto do?
Stockel!,who'dworkedin televisionandfilm already,hadthe ideato documentheronlinedating-"a strangebutfascinatingexperience
of creating
immediateandintimateconnections
with virtualstrangers."Butit wasclearthat
Virdiwashermaininterestandbestprospect.So,Stockel!askedVirdiif she
couldrecordtheirconversations,
film herselfandalsosenda camerato the other
sideof the world,soVirdicouldrecordherexperiences.
Theresultis Searching
4 Sandeep,
a movingfilm encompassing
all the nuancesof lesbianonlinedating:
transcontinental
relationships,
cultureclash,familydrama,dykedrama.Youget
the picture.
Thegenesisof Stockell'sideais "the wayin whichnewformsof communication likethe Internetandtextinghavechangedthe wayourgenerationrelatesto
eachother.In Searching4 Sandeep,
thethemeof howtechnologycanhelpusfind
otherpeople,but alsocanhinderour intimacy,is whatI startedoutwith."Thefilm
endsup beingaboutall that plusa wholelot more:boththe dramaandthe desire
for loveandacceptance.
Stockel!saysthat the in endit is reallya kindof love
letterto Sandeep.
- Stephanie
Schroeder
October 2008
I 69
Q+A
Dawn Logsdon
DVD PICKS
Director Dawn Logsdon's newest documentary, Faubourg Treme: The Untold
History of Black New Orleans, (tremedoc.com), traces the collective history of
one of New Orleans' most vibrant and mixed neighborhoods-the
Sixth Ward,
known as Treme. Logsdon's previous short film Tomboywas a favorite at lesbian
film festivals. For this, her first feature-length documentary, Logsdon paired
up with her partner, Lucie Faulknor, who produced the film. It premiered to
enthusiastic crowds and packed houses in New Orleans and at the San Francisco
International Film Festival. - Kathleen Wilkinson
What got you interested in doing
this film?
I'm from New Orleans. I did [editing]
work on a lot of gay films, like The
Castro and Harry Hay, and [films for]
a lot of communities that also didn't
have their voice, like The Weather
Underground.[What] I had never done
was try to make a film about home and
what that place meant to me. At [my
father's] funeral I decided to do a film
about New Orleans. [Writer and codirector Lolis Eric Elie and I] picked
Treme because it's the epitome of New Orleans culture to us-this
blending
of cultures to create something new.
How was the response in New Orleans?
New Orleanians have a tendency to think that nobody can really accurately
portray their city, so they tend to rag on films that are about New Orleans in
a really bad way. There was a lot of pressure on us to get it right. I was really
worried about what the response was going to be and especially because
you can't really drag New Orleanians to see Katrina documentaries ...living
through Katrina made people like, "Why would I want to go see a movie
about this? I live it every daY:'But people were responding really strongly to
the history. They wanted to know more.
The message comes across that you have to have faith.
There's also just the lesson that we can endure. People down there are pretty
Penelope
(Summit):I hate
fairytalesandsavefor last
year'sEnchanted
I almost
alwaysdislikethem.But
Penelope,
a heart-warming
but snarkyupdateof the Ugly
Duckling,mightjust changemy
mind.In it ChristinaRicciis a
girl cursedwith a unfortunate
facialfeature.Hermother
spends25 yearstryingto
find a wayto breakthe curse
until Penelope
runsawayand
decidesto explorelife, her
nosebe damned.Personally,
it's hardto fathomanyone
considering
Ricciunattractive-even with a snout-but
the messageof comingout
andacceptingyourselfis a
whollywelcomechangefrom
the makeovermadness-meetsPrince-Charming
storylineof
mostfairytales.Bonusfeatures
includea sneakpeekat the
nextchickphenom,Twilight.
(summit-ent.com)
tough. They've been through a lot. What they're going through now is ...
wreaking havoc on the family ties that have held together communities like
Treme for a long time. People all lived very close to each other and extended
beloveddirectorof ButI'm a
Cheerleader,
offersup another
funny,politcallysavvy,romantic
indieflick. In it, MelonieDiaz
playsa babydykewhofalls
in with a gangof feminist
rabble-rousers
calledClitsin
Action(akaCiA)andin between
makingtroubleandinteracting
with tonsof hotchicks(Daniela
Sea,CarlyPope,JennyShimizu
andGuinTurner),shefallsfor
the sexy(butnotsingle)leader,
playedbytheincredibly
attractive
NicoleVicius.(wolfevideo.com)
Affinity(Logo):SarahWater's
first two novel-to-filmadaptations- Tippingthe Velvetand
Fingersmitfr-wereresounding
lesbianhits.Affinity,a supernaturallesbianprisonromantic
thriller,is set in 19th-century
Britainandfollowsa socialite,
an imprisonedmediumand
emergingpassions.Logo
debutedthe film onthe network
andon DVDsimultaneously,
a trendI hopecontinueswith
futurefilms.(logoonline.com)
family was a really important way of getting through things ... It's a kind of
social cohesion that doesn't exist in [many] other places in this country.
How a you see the ·edevelopment?
They're closing down a lot of public housing right now, which is a very contentious
issue, and I think it's just appalling that the government is bulldozing down
projects. There's definitely a struggle for what New Orleans is going to look like.
Vi
t was 1thke w rk g w h your partner as the producer?
Working with your partner is the most rewarding thing you can do. It's also
the hardest. It bonds you in a way that probably nothing else besides having
children does. This was our kid for four years. We were dedicated to raising
it and getting it out into the world. We're going to take a break from working
together for nine months, and then we have another big project. ■
70
Icurve
/tty BittyTittyCommitte
(Wolfe):JamieBabbit,the
OntheOtherHand,Death
(here!TV):Thelatestfilm
adaptionof DonaldStrachey's
gaydetectivenovelsboasts
a small-townlesbiancouple
(MargotKidderandGabrielle
Rose)whoaretargetedbyviolence,aswellasa hunkyhimbo
andplentyof gayshenanigans.
It's greatpreparation
for the
nextfilm, IceBlues.(heretv.com)
-DAM
In the Stacks
Reviews
Pioneering Women
Great reads on intriguing equality issues.
IBy Rachel Pepper
Performance artist Coco Fusco invents a field guide to com-
exercise of political power and the use of deadly force in war,
ment on the place of women in the military, and singer Janis Ian
the more apparent it becomes that we aren't using it very differ-
recounts her pioneering life in the music business in this month's
must reads.
ently from men:' She chastises the feminist movement for not
speaking up more on the issue of military women who torture,
and suggests that participatory female soldiers are fully part of a
A FIELD
GUIDE FOR
FEMALE
INTERROGATORS
A Field Guide for Female Interrogators,
Coco Fusco (Seven Stories Press):
culture that embraces sexual and cultural stereotypes, even while
it empowers women to behave as badly as men. So, is this equal-
What does it really mean for feminism that
ity? No, says Fusco, who writes that "everyjustification I find for
women are soldiers in places like Iraq? Does it
these actions seems cynical, inhuman and profoundly unjust:'
lead to behaviors in women-such
While she may not have a solution to the issues she raises, this
as tortur-
COCO FUSCO
ing and humiliating others-that
many of us
book will surely get us to think about female soldiers, and the
0
would feel are just as unseemly as when prac-
practices of war, in a new and disturbing way. (sevenstories.com)
ticed by men? Is this equality?
These are some of the questions
that
interdisciplinary artist Coco Fusco asks in her new book, A Field
JANISIAN
Society's Child: My Autobiography
Janis Ian (Tarcher/Penguin): To get
Guide for Female Interrogators. Fusco, an associate professor in
an idea of how great a singer-songwriter
the Visual Arts division at Columbia University and the author
Janis Ian is, one has to look no further
of several books, including The Bodies That Were Not Ours: And
than YouTube, where anyone can watch
Other Writings, is also a filmmaker and performance artist, and
a video of a very young Ian performing
was recently featured in the 2008 Whitney Biennial in New
"At Seventeen:' Now in her late 50s, Ian
---
Society's Child
York City.
In 2005, Fusco and several friends took a course that was led by
was inspired by the music of Odetta as a
child, and decided to become a singer. By
former U.S. military interrogators and was specificallydesigned for
age 15, she was already a star, launched into fame in the 1960s
civilians who wanted to learn military techniques for extracting
after writing the anti-racist ballad "Society's Child:' Although
information from prisoners. The women were then ambushed,
the turbulent politics of the time meant she was just as often
captured, strip-searched, separated, made to wear black hoods
heckled as applauded, nevertheless, the song, about an interracial
and subjected to several rounds of interrogation. Several women
love affair, soon led to other hits like "Jesse" and "At Seventeen;'
broke down in tears and all found themselves very disturbed by
which became the mantra for anyone who stood outside the
the process. Afterward, the
"in crowd." In this autobiography, Ian recounts her rise
participants were instructed
to fame, her often volatile relationships with both men
and women, her involvement with the St. Marks Baths,
on how to perform interrogations themselves. Fusco
'
filmed the entire experience
her roller-coaster ride with finances (including having
the IRS seize all her assets), her bout with cancer, her
and some stills are available
scholarship foundation and her same-sex
at cocofusco.com.
emony to partner Patricia Snyder at Toronto's City Hall,
This
course
inspired
Fusco
to
wonder
female
interrogators
how
use
their sexuality to humili-
mJ • •
uge cer-
which earned her notoriety as the first out celebrity to
wed there.
And throughout, she gives us an intimate look at the
ever-changing music business, complete
with unscrupulous managers, two-timing
ate male prisoners. In this
book, she provides a series of steps that women ( especially
band members and a great cast of characters
white women) could be called upon to use to break down men
who would feel at home in any novel. Readers
( especially Muslim men) as occurred in the infamous Abu
most likely to pick up this book are already Ian
Ghraib prison. Most of these methods involve physical contact
fans, but one certainly does not have to be a fan
designed to shame the men, leading us to ask under what cir-
to appreciate her story. Indeed, any reader will
cumstances women could or would perpetuate violence using
quickly note from the book's first pages that
their sexuality as a weapon.
In one of the book's essays, "Torture: The Feminine Touch;'
Ian's life has been well-lived, and that music
Fusco notes, "The more access American women have to the
social change. (us.penguingroup.com) ■
EDITOR'S PICK
OnTheirO n,Joyce
offmann
{DaCapo
Press}:
Whenthe United
States'fightagainst
terrorismlooksfrighteninglysimilarto its fight
againstcommunism
in the 1960s,Joyce
Hoffmann's
collectionof biographies,
On
TheirOwn,offersa
candidlypersonallookat
theVietnamWarandthe
womenjournalistswho
coveredit. Feminism's
first wavewasjust
crestingbackhome,but
in Southeast
Asia-and
in thecut-throatworld
of journalism-female
correspondents
hadto
fighttoothandnailto
geta beatoutsideof the
usual"women'sangle"
assignedbytheirmale
editors.Chronicling
theworkof someof
the mostambitious,
talentedjournalistsof
theirtime,Hoffmann's
bookbreathes
withthe
determination,
thrilland
horrorof thewomen
whocoveredthe biggest
storyof theirgeneration.
(dacapopress.
com)- Rachel
Beebe
like hers can bring about joy and monumental
October 2008 I 71
Q+A
Rocker Girl
Fay Jacobs
Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna tells us
how it's done.
Fay Jacobs is a lesbian humorist, often compared (much to her gleeful amazement) to the legendary Erma Bombeck. Jacobs writes a column detailing life
with her partner, Bonnie, in Rehoboth Beach, Del. I sat down to chat with
Jacobs shortly after she learned that her latest book, Fried & True: Tales
From RehobothBeach,was named the 2008 Humor Book of the Year by the
Delaware Press Association. - StefaniDeoul
Where exactly is Rehoboth Beach, and how did
you get there?
Rehoboth is an LGBT oasis on the Delaware coast. We
literally arrived by cruising our boat up Chesapeake Bay,
hanging a right and steering straight-or
not-to
the
Rehoboth Canal. We docked for a summer and just never
really left. The floating money-pit is long gone but we're
still here.
How did the column come about?
In 1996, the owner of a burger joint outside town made
some horribly homophobic comments. I wrote to the editor of our local
LGBT magazine, Letters From CAMP Rehoboth.The restaurant got so
much flak it was forced to close, and the editor, who must have liked my
letter, asked me to pen a column. I've been on deadline ever since.
And the book?
My mentor, Rehoboth literary icon and publisher Anyda Marchant, known
to the lesbian community as the novelist Sarah Aldridge, generously suggested publishing a collection-then
nagged me until I did. That was my
first book, As I Lay Frying.Many stories in Fried & True are about Anyda
and Muriel, her partner of 56 years. These remarkable women founded
Naiad Press in the '70s. They taught me about publishing and everything I
never even knew I wanted to know about drinking Scotch.
Along with the book award, two columns were singled out for honors. One, "Moon Over the Military," tackles a very serious subjectJoint Chiefs General Peter Pace calling gays immoral. How do you
keep it funny?
Sometimes if you don't laugh you'd have to cry.
Does Bonnie mind living amid your rants and thoughts?
She's a major good sport, often calling herself, "the one that does those stupid things Fay writes about:' But the rule is: Spill everything about us
and skewer deserving public figures, but nix anything that might hurt or
embarrass friends and family. A lot of good columns go into the shredder,
of course.
Do you think you're funny?
I don't know about funny, but my sense of humor may be a little skewed. I'm
lucky I've never been thrown out of a memorial service.
What does this award mean to you?
A lot, because this wasn't an LGBT contest. It was judged by straight writers
from Texas and Alabama ... and a lesbian's book about a gay resort seems to
have made them laugh instead of throw up. I'm proud of that.
Anything else we should know?
I never felt particularly oppressed as a lesbian in Washington, D.C., but once I
got to Rehoboth, my whole life made sense. Sweet. Come visit. ■
12
j
curve
Onceyouget pastthe fact that whileshe
is sexy,sheis also,er,straight,a celebrity
journalistandthe authorof CherryBomb:The
UltimateGuideto Becominga BetterFlirt,a Tougher
Chick,anda
HotterGirlfriend,
andto LivingLifeLikea RockStar-and yourealize
that CarrieBorzillo-Vrenna
is just a regularfemme.Sheis a hardcore
rockerchickwhohasoccasionally
kissedgirls,admitsto having
girl-crushes(atthe momenton GinaGershon,
JoanJett andAngelina
Jolie)andhasa checklistin herguidebookabouthowto tell whether
the girl youjust kissedis truly bisexualor just bi-curious.
Notoneto blendintothe crowd,Borzillo-Vrenna,
whoturned39
in June,beganherjournalismcareerat 18 whenshewroterock
reviewsfor hometownandregionalConnecticut
papersandfor
musicmagazines,
includingHit Parade.Herbig breakcamewhen
sheinterviewedthe BlackCrowesat age19. "I'm the originalCarrie
B.," Borzillo-Vrenna
says,referringto the (fictional)sexcolumnist
CarrieBradshaw,
the chroniclerof all thingsfashionable,
and,of
course,sexy,on Sexandthe City.
"Notto soundlikethe SpiceGirlsfrom 1995,but I'm all aboutgirl
powerandI will helpout womenbeforeI helpmen.Theygenerally
don'tneedit as much.Andit's just goodkarma.I've hada goodlife
andgiving,donatingandvolunteering
aregoodfor the soul.Notgiving backis just stingy."
Afterworkingthe celebrityandmusicbeatsfor Billboardand
allstarnews.com,
writinga bookaboutNirvana,writinga relationshipandsexcolumnfor Tongue
(GeneSimmons'short-livedglossy
monthly)andworkingfull-timeat People(whichsheleft to write her
book),Borzillo-Vrenna
"sentoutfour well-writtenqueryletterswith
1Oideasfor a book.I pitchedmyselfinsteadof an idea.HollyRoot
of theWaxman
Agency,whoworkswith a lot of women,wasthe
first to call.Andwe madea deal."Borzillo-Vrenna,
who is married
to rockerChrisVrennaof MarilynMansonandNineInchNailsfame,
saysherideawasa tongue-in-cheek
takeon all those"awfulpink
girlybookswith badadviceon beingsubmissivein the flirting and
datingarena."
Shebeganwith the workingtitle Howto Datea RockStar."I
wantedto write an indie lifestyleguidefor girls with an edgecool-mindedchickswhowantto notonlydaterockstars,but be
rockstarsas well.I amwritingfor womenwho breakall the rules,
just like I alwayshave.I can't standthoseother'rules'booksthattell
womennotto call guysor playhardto get or whatever.It's all bad
advicethat makeswomenhelplessvictims."
Someof theadviceBorzillo-Vrenna
dishesout is notnewsto
the lesbiancommunity:
fromdefiningponyplay("It's likethe idiot's
guideto fetishor something
... ") to heartingGoldfrapp,
Absintheand
BethOrtonand"feelingfreeto marchto a differentdrummerinstead
of copyingwhateveryone
else,includingme,is doing.It's aboutnot
beinga cookiecutter."
CherryBombcoverseverything
a sassysisterneedsto know,
fromA to Z. Under"T" she'sgot"tramping"covered.However,
it's not
whatyouthink.Borzillo-Vrenna
explains,"It's chicksexercisingon a
trampolinein theirunderwear,
butAgentProvocateur
underwear
of
course,rockingout,actingsillyandhappy,butstill breakinga sweat."
Withplentyof off-the-wallreferences
andlotsof goodadvice,this
is a bookthatshouldpleasegirlsof all kinds.- Stephanie
Schroeder
PAGE TURNERS
Just Between GirlzN
photographing
a ghost,"writes
BertStern,oneof the most
acclaimedphotographers
of the
1960s.Thiscoffeetablebook
consistsof Monroe'slastsitting
with Stern-a three-daysession
thattookplacejust weeks
beforeherdeath.Though
moderndescriptions
of her
voluptuous
bodyareoften
exaggerated
(the1950ssize14
sheworetranslatesto today's
size6 or 8),the nudephotosof
MoreThanPetticoats,
Kate
hercurvesarestill striking
Hertzog(TwoDot):
It maybe
compared
to the waifishaesthetthe Cityof BrotherlyLove,but
ic of modelstoday.In additionto
Philadelphia
sits in a state
nudeandfashionphotography,
whosecontributions
to American
Sternincludesthe session's
women'shistoryappearin a new
precious(sometimes
drunken)
lightin this smartlyresearched
conversations
betweenhimand
andengagingly
writtencollection
theAmericanicon.(randomof profiles.You'llmeetthe chicks
house.com)
- Catherine
Plato
whocamebeforeHillary,like
SybillaMasters(1676-1720),
whousedAmericanIndian
techniques
to devisenewways
of millingcorn;LucretiaMott
(1793-1880),the civil rights
leaderfor whomthe EqualRights
Amendment
wasnamedwhenit
wasfirst introducedin 1923;and
AnnPreston(1813-1872),who
foughtto getwomendoctors
accessto Philadelphia
hospitals.
You'llalsofind morerecent
Keystone
Stateluminaries,
like
Branded
Ann,MerryShannon
the singerMarianAnderson
and
(BoldStrokesBooks):
RachelCarson,whowroteSilent Treasures
aboundin this
Spring.(globepequotcom)
rollicking,high-seasadventure.
- JuliaBloch
Lesbianprotagonists
arenot
.........
••...
,..;.-;.,.
MarilynMonroe:
TheLast
Sitting,Photography
byBert
Stern(Random
House):"Liz
Tayloris a classicbeauty.
Marilynis a ghost.If sheis
motionless
for a singleinstant,
her beautywill evaporate.
Photographing
Marilynis like
bootyandendup in the Devil's
Trianglefightingfor their very
lives.(boldstrokesbooks.com)
- Kathilsserman
LiveThrough
This,ed.Sabrina
Chapadjiev
(SevenStories):
Thisanthologyexploresthe
relationship
betweencreativity
andself-destruction
so common
to artists,writersandperformers.Withmoreesteemednames
thancanbe listed,including
bell hooks,EileenMyles,Annie
SprinkleandElizabeth
Stephens,
SilasHoward,DianeDiMassa,
NanGoldin,FlyandCarolQueen,
this bookwill gatherno dust
on yourbookshelf.Howard's
"Friendsas Heroes"is more
thana storyaboutdykelife with
friendsHarryandLynny,but also
showshowcloselygriefand
creativityareconnected.
Myles'
ponderings
aboutbrushingher
teethanddiscovering
the will
to liverevealthe comicalside
aswell asthe emotionaldepths
of the book.The20 essayists,
usuallyfeaturedin pirate
novelists,photographers,
visual
exploits,sothis extremelywellartists,cartoonists,
musicians
told novelis a treatnotsoonto
beforgotten.Withnonstopaction andburlesqueperformersof
LiveThroughThistestifyto
anddelicioussexualtension,
livesof survival,turningtears
CaptainBranded
Annandher
towardmania,
fellowpiratestaketheirreaders andtendencies
depression
andself-mutilation
on an unpredictable
journey.
intopowerfullessonsabout
Aboardthe IceQueen,the
learningto put "rageto page,"
Captain'sonlyfocusis acquiras Chapadjiev
writes,asthe
ing morebountyandseeking
revengeuntilshekills merchant contributorsuseart to save
their lives.Thereareimagesof
IsaacWattsandis saddled
SprinkleandStephens'breast
with his youngwife,Violet.Not
cancererotica,memoriesof
knowingwhatto dowithViolet
incestanddrawingsby some
is the leastof Ann'sconcernsas
of our mostbelovedfeminist
dangerawaitshercrewaround
LGBTQ
artistsastheytouchpen
everyturn.Thenovelclimaxes
to paper.(sevenstories.com)
in morewaysthanonewhen
- TaniaHammidi
the piratesseekthe ultimate
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October 2008
I 73
Reviews
Music Watch
Career Queers
Dyke singer--songwriters with staying power. I By Margaret Coble
Godmakesmonkeys, Kaia Wilson
(Jealous Butcher Records): It's been
EDITOR'S PICK
TheTurn,AlisonMoyet
(Decca):
Backin the
'80s,therewasnoband
coolerthanVaz,the
Britishduofeaturing
AlisonMoyetandbandmateVinceClark,who
laterformedErasure.
Thepairvirtuallyreinventedthe newwave
dancemusicscene
in 1982.NowMoyet,
whoseaward-winning
voiceis still enthralling,
is backwith a Vazreuniontour andthis new
soloalbum.Theformer
soul-punkprincessis It's rare to find artists who can carve out a lifelong career in the
all grownup but is still music industry while being openly queer, but this month's feaemotionally
compel- tured singer-songwriters have all done just that. Listening to
lingandfull of youthful these albums by Amy Ray, Kaia Wilson and Ferron is like getting
abandon.Hersoul-pop- together with old friends.
Frenchballadeerstyle
will captivatebotholdDidn't It Feel Kinder, Amy Ray (Daemon Records):
schoolfansandthose
wholovecontemporary On this, her third solo studio venture away from the Indigo
women'smusic.Even Girls, Ray spreads her wings a bit, musically and lyrically, and
better,MuteRecords offers one of her most compelling albums yet. Working with a
alsocelebrated
the producer (Greg Griffith) for the first time, Ray explores a wide
reunionof Vazby range of sounds and styles, with contributors like Melissa York
releasingIn YourRoom, (the Butchies, Ex-Members), Kaia Wilson (the Butchies, Team
a four-discboxsetof Dresch), Brandi Carlile, Tomi Martin (Three5Human) and the
studioalbums,B-sides band Arizona. Like her previous albums, Stag and Prom, it's an
andrarities.(alison- intimate set, but Ray pushes herself even further, emotionally
moyet.com)
- Diane
and vocally, on introspective cuts like "She's Got to Be;' with its
Anderson-Minshall
74
I curve
a while since we've heard from Kaia Wilson.
This fourth solo album has been anticipated since the Butchies went on hiatus back
in 2005, but it was well worth the wait. The
confessional lyrics and sparse instrumentation of her previous solo discs, Kaia and
Oregon, can be found again here, ranging
from acoustic pop songs and country ballads to indie-folk tunes and atmospheric
anthems. The 40-minute, 14-track album
is largely filled with love songs,"some of them
with undertones ofloss and grief, the mixture
of excitement and guardedness we have
when falling in love... whatever that really
means;' says Wilson. Highlights include
the twangy roadtrip sing-along "Dogs/
Trucks;• the harmonica-filled epic "Montana;' and the catchy vocals of'I Got You;' with its poignant lyrics and breathy delivery.
There's even a tender instrumental to close out the set ("Get the
Ball Snackie!"), and Butchies fans will recognize "Everything/
Everywhere" from Make Yr Life, albeit in a stripped-down, abbreviated form. The CD also comes with a coupon for a free
download of the bonus album I Think I'm Alone Now, containing
a career-spanning retrospective of demos, outtakes, compilation
tracks, covers and "potentially embarrassing moments:' This is
Kaia doing what she does best. Dive in. (kaiawilson.com)
Boulder, Ferron (Short Story Records): Produced by
Bitch, this 12-track album is the outgrowth of the recent collaboration between these two women's music stars of different
generations, and is the debut release on Bitch's new indie label.
Canadian folk legend Ferron is a songwriting treasure, and this
set extends her legacy to 14 albums of Dylan-esque wordsmith-
smoldering soul-blues twang and her evocative falsetto delivery.
ing and intricate guitar picking. With contributions by the all-
While musically bridging the gap between pop, punk and hip-
stars of the contemporary women's music scene, including Ani
hop, "Bus Bus" is a sweet, danceable love letter offering a behind-
DiFranco, the Indigo Girls, Samantha Parton of the Be Good
the-scenes glimpse at her life on the road. Some cuts go a more
Tanyas, Le Tigre's JD Samson, Ulali's Jennifer Kreisberg and
political route, like "Who Sold the Gun;' with its references to
Soni Moreno, Lyndell Montgomery and the ever-present Julie
the Virginia Tech massacre and its ponderings on our violent
Wolf, Boulder mines 11 of Ferron's finest previously released
society, while "SLC Radio" describes a tour stop in a religiously
songs plus a new cover of Bitch's "Highway:' Longtime fans will
conservative area, where Ray reached out of her comfort zone to
appreciate innovative interpretations
connect with the kids of the "LDS nation:' But the opening song,
Mountain;' and the soulful, electronic co-production of Samson
the soaring"Birds of a Feather;' probably best sums up what this
on "In the Meantime;' while other chestnuts get more traditional
of favorites like "Misty
album, Ray and her career have been about, asking: "If we are
full-band treatments. Recorded by Bitch in her RV studio on a
birds of a feather, why can't we migrate:'/ ... Why can't we fly in
laptop, with one microphone, this disc is a beautiful gathering of
formation or just be friends on the way( This disc is Amy Ray in
her prime. (amy-ray.com)
but also a genius, worthy of our respect. (ferrononline.com) ■
our collective tribe that does Ferron justice as not just an elder
Q+A
OTHER LICKS
createfun,danceableparty
tunesthat alsohavelyrical
depth.Thisnewclub-geared
set is no exception;in fact, it's
oneof herbest,particularlythe
ScumFrog-produced
"Highand
Mighty,"andBasement
Jaxx
collaboration
"RockingChair."
Shejust keepsgettingbetter
with age.(cyndilauper.com)
Hummingbird,
Go!Theresa
Andersson
(BasinStreet):
TheSwedish-born
NewOrleans
favoritedeliversa sumptuous
12-trackerthat rangesfrom
the vintageR&Bdoo-wopof
"Introducingthe Kitchenettes"
andslideguitarretro-elegance
of "Hi-Low,"to the funky
backbeatof "BirdsFlyAway."
Theinfectious"NaNaNa"is
alreadya viral hit onYouTube,
mesmerizingly
showing
(Wrasse):
Anderssonplayingeverysingle Alive,Sa Dingding
Whethershesingsin Chinese,
instrumentin herkitchen.
Tibetanor herownself-created
(theresaandersson.
com)
language,the Mongolian-born
singer-songwriter-producer
deliversa highlyspiritual,
hypnoticblendof Eastern
instrumentationandWestern
electronicbeatsfor a distinctive
globalgroove.(sadingding.co.uk)
Catie Curtis
Catie Curtis has been releasing top-notch folk-pop
for close to two decades. Her latest album, Sweet
Life,lives up to its title. Its 12 songs seem to radiate
unbridled enthusiasm, domestic tranquility and
fresh possibilities. Curtis is no Pollyanna, though.
She is quick to qualify the album's optimism,
stating that she "probably wouldn't have written
a record this positive if things were going great
in the world:' Curtis lives in Boston with her
partner, Elizabeth, whom she recently married,
and their two adopted daughters, Lucy and Celia.
- Dave Steinfeld
Sweet Life is a very positive album. In the
song "Happy," you sing, "Take the weight
off of your shoulders, I'll show you how." I
found myself saying, "Catie, please show
me how!"
I know. I myself am wondering that as I speak,
since I am also the hyper-vigilant type. All I
know is that when I'm playing music, listening
to music or otherwise connecting with someone, I'm not worrying. In our culture,
it's like we think we can protect ourselves if we worry. Maybe I'm just celebrating
the good old-fashioned distraction technique, but being on the road for many
years, I have seen that music and community seem to help us to get over ourselves
long enough to experience some happiness.
On a similar note, how do you instill a sense of optimism in your two young
daughters, considering that this world is in such a precarious place?
It seems like young people have an inherent sense of optimism, and it's our job to
Crayons,
DonnaSummer
(Sony/BMG):
Withthe Ziggy
Marleyspunked-up,
reggaetingedtitle t:ut,the Madonnaflavored"Mr.Music"andthe
hand-clapping
leadsingle
"StampYourFeet,"this 12-song
pop-dancesetfromthe veteran
divais surprisingly
worthyof
containingthe self-aggrandizing I LoveYou,n.a.+ a.n. (selfreleased):
Theself-described
"TheQueenIs Back."Indeed,
"feminist,electro-quirk,mocksheis. (donnasummer.
com)
rock" queerduoof Natalie
AgeeandAimeeNorwichoffer
bothexperimentaland melodic
popfare on this debutnine-cut
disc."Natalie!"is the cutest,
sweetestlovesongever
sungby a unicorn-boiabout
a dreamgirl, while "Kissing
Pool"is a jangling,distorted
BringYato theBrink,Cyndi
two-stepjam. (naplusan.com)
Lauper(Epic):Lauperis one
-MC
of the few popartistswhocan
nurture it rather than crush it. My kids, who are only 4 and 6, haven't really
been exposed to the state of things in the world. They're still like, "Look, an inch
worm!" or "She's picking her nose!"
I admire the matter-of-fact way you handle being an out lesbian. Were
you always so open, or was it more difficult when you were younger?
There was a whole year when I first signed to EMI/Guardian
Records, when I had a
deer-in-the-headlights feeling whenever the word"lesbian'' came up in interviews.
But that was 1996. Times have changed, and now I've had a lot of practice talking
about my personal life. I find that the more confident and candid I can be about
it, the more mutually graceful the conversation.
Tell me a little bit about your "sweet life," if you would. When you're not
on tour, what is your day-to-day life like?
Music is my job, and I work on it pretty much full-time, even when I'm home. But
since I'm self-employed, I'm standing there at the elementary school at 2:30 p.m.,
picking up my 6-year-old with all the other moms. In our town ... there are several
school principals who are out lesbians, most of whom have kids. Were like a dime
a dozen around here. Some kids are jealous that our kids have two moms. My
partner is an educator, and we spend a couple months a year at a summer camp
in Michigan that she directs. So I guess we're kind of a cliche ... folk singer, camp
director. Other than that, I am really into going out to hear music, and I can't say
no to a good gin martini. ■
October 2008
I 75
Reviews
Tech Girl
The Final Cut
I
Home movies just got cool. By Katie Peoples and Diane Anderson~ Minshall
The holidays are just around the corner and what better way to prep for them than by brushing up on your camcorder
skills? These pocket-size puppies will get the job done on the go, with their intuitive controls and easy uploads. Become
your own YouTube director and who knows? You could be the next lonelygirl15.
DXG-567V High Definition Digital
Video Camera: This digital camcorder is
will be ready for sharing on MySpace,
roughly the size of an iPod and comes with
it just looks so darn adorable. ($180,
oodles of features. It takes video in HD,
flipvideo.com)
YouTube
and
AOL
instantly.
And
supports SD cards and has 32 megabytes of
fl.ash memory. The flip-out USB connector
Vado Pocket Video Cam· It's cute,
makes uploading to your computer a snap.
lightweight and funky, and if you're like me
The screen on the backside may be tiny, but
and can't get beyond the bulky feel of most
you can plug the DXG into any TV and get
camcorders, you'll love it. Creative's new
great picture quality. It comes with a replaceable battery, so it's a bit bulky, but this is an
cam is ultra-slim so it'll fit in your pocket
added bonus if you travel a lot, since you
(the cute girl at Pride, your nephew's first
and you'll never miss that perfect moment
won't have to deal with chargers.
words,
It also comes in four colors: black,
dented your Vespa), and
red, pink and our favorite-blue.
it records for two hours
Windows
before needing a recharge.
Vista, XP
required.
($130, dxgrechusa.com)
that
prick
who
The best part is that it
recharges through your USB
Fl"pVideo Mino Camcorder This camcorder was a delight to
port. OK, it only has a 2X
play with. With 2 gigabytes of fl.ashmemory, this pocket-size record-
zoom, but it's great in low
er took video instantly, without any set-up. It's 40 percent smaller
light (not to sound like a
than Flip's Ultra series and weighs 3.3 ounces. It is clearly intended
stalker, but you'll be able to
for the casual user, but don't let that fool you-the
quality is great,
capture hotties at clubs) and
and the touch-sensitive controls work effortlessly. It comes with con-
you can post to YouTube or
nectors for viewing on TV and the flip-out USB connector will let
PhotoBucket in minutes. Easy on the eyes
you upload to any Mac or PC. With built-in formats, your videos
(in silver or pink) and the pocketbook. ($99, creative.com) ■
HOW TO MAKE GREAT VIDEOS: TIPS FROM A LESBIAN PRO
O What'sthebestangleto shoot
fromwhenfilmingkids,concerts
andscenery?
Foranyeventyoushootthatyou
planon editing-evena simpleedit
in a programlikeAdobePremiere
or
iMovie-there'sa
simpleformula:long
shotor "wideestablishing,"mediumshot
or "master"anda
seriesof close-ups
(notonlyto showthe
subjects,butalsoto
createan atmosphere,likea CUof
peoplewatchingthe
76
I curve
big-screenmonitorsimulcasting
the performance,
a flagwaving,a
popcornvendor).
Thoseshotsare
greatfor puttingin a smallsequence
at the beginning,
thento coverany
editsyoumayneedto doto piece
the mediumor mainshotstogether.
8 Howdoyoukeepthe
camerasteady?Whatdo
youdoif youdon'thavea
tripod?
Thetrickthe prosuseis
easy.A sandbag.
It'sa
pieceof $25equipment
youcankeepin yourcar,
putdownonalmostany
surface(because
it's sand)and
it snugsupwhenyouplacethe
camera-no matterthesize-on it.
Personally,
I amconstantly
just using
flat surfaces-I just makesureit's
aroundmyeyeline.
for about$6.GE
brandis particularlygood.When
I shotat Dinah
ShoreWeekend
thisyear,thisis
whatI used.When
0 Whatcanyouusefor impromptu I'd goto a hotel
lightsources?
roomto do interviews(theoneswith
IleneChaikenor JaneLynch),I just
Mylatesthotsecretis actuallytwo
switchedoutthebulbin theirroom
things.A bouncecardor a bigpiece
of posterboardfromyourlocaldrug- lampsto oneof thesebabies,took
andtheputthem
store(forabout$2)andoneof those offthe lampshade
between
thatandthe bouncecard
clear,light,fluorescent
spiralbulbs
thataregettingpopularnowbecause for a wonderfulcleanlight.- J.D.
Disalvatore
is a lesbianHollywood
of theirenergyefficiency.
They're
alsoavailable
at yourlocaldrugstore producerandfilmmaker.
I Tried It Reviews
It's Not All in Your Head
Energy therapy might be the cure you've been looking for. I By Stephanie Schroeder
I called Brooklyn's Namaste Yoga and Tranquility Center (namastewilliamsburg.com) to inquire about craniosacral therapy. I was "collecting" alternative therapies to help with several health concerns. Namaste owner Debbie
Desmond suggested I come on a weekend to see their cranio practitioner,
Chase-lyn. With no real idea of what I was in for, and armed with common
misconceptions about craniosacral therapy, I hopped the New York City subway to Williamsburg to get my head examined.
It turns out, craniosacral therapy isn't much about the head at all, unless
you count the healing power of the mind as part of a belief in holistic therapies
to cure what ails you. Desmond informed me that the technique is related to
acupressure, where specific pressure points on the body are manipulated to
release toxins from the cerebral spinal fluids. It is not a massage, but rather
a light, hands-on application that alters the body's energy through touching.
This type of therapy is great for tension-related issues such as TMJ, back pain
or sports injuries. It is also beneficial for anxiety and neurological conditions.
Just wanting to indulge in a treatment that will make you calmer and more
balanced ain't a bad reason for craniosacral, either.
When Chase-lyn arrived, I was escorted into a tranquil treatment room
with calming music and delicious-smelling aromatherapy. Fully dressed, I lay
on my back on the table and got ready for a head massage of some sort, but
Chase-lyn, a licensed massage therapist who does energy work in addition
to craniosacral therapy, barely touched me. Instead, she used the light touch
Desmond had told me about, working with energy in areas where she felt
tension. I hadn't told her about any of my maladies, but she zoomed in on all
of them immediately. She explained that the small shifts she was making in
my fascia (muscle-connecting tissue) and oscoxa (hip bones) would resonate
throughout my body on many levels, including the emotional one. Chaselyn told me a craniosacral therapist holds a patient's energy and supports her
emotional and physical pain for moments at a time. "The best candidate for
craniosacral therapy is someone willing to be an active participant in her own
healing process, even when it gets emotionally painful;' she said.
Chase-lyn completed her training in craniosacral therapy at the Upledger
Institute, which was founded by Dr. John E. Upledger, the father of craniosacral therapy.
For a different perspective, I made an appointment with Dr. Kate Klemer,
a doctor of chiropractic as well as a registered craniosacral therapist. Klemer,
who also trained at Upledger, uses a biodynamic approach, and has advanced
craniosacral training in the Sutherland-Sills
method. Klemer explained
Upledger's original concept: The cerebral spinal fluid and the bones and connective tissues Chase-lyn had told me about can be manipulated to change the
energy in the body and promote balance.
In the biodynamic method, rhythms, impulses and motion ("tides" in ther-
A craniosacraltherapistsupportsa
patient'semotionaland physicalpain for
momentsat a time. The best candidate
is someonewillingto be an active
participantin her own healingprocess.
apeutic lingo) are used to go deeper and widen awareness ( think consciousness-raising for the body). Klemer held my head in her hands while I focused
re-educational-exercise
0
on my-own mind. Her touch affected me deeply. Afterward, I walked out into
beginning than a complete treatment.
i
the New York air feeling totally rejuvenated.
Chase-lyn's warm and fuzzy treatment left me so relaxed and pain-free
my practitioners, I was able to let go and put myself in their hands, literally. I
~
that I slept for 16 hours afterward. I was obviously in need of that type of
would recommend craniosacral therapy to anyone interested in committing to
m
physical release. Klemer's treatment was more an educational-or
her own long-term healing, whether physical, emotional or both. ■
~
rather,
of my muscles and body energy. It was more of a
As soon as the myths about this once-controversial therapy were busted by
October 2008
I
77
Goodbye continued from page 25
A Run-in With the Big C continued from page 28 __
_
Twilight Years continued from--'p_a~g_e_4_0
______
_
We called Heather's doctor for a death cer-
On Monday, I called the doctor's office at 9 a.m.
Each household takes its turn at least once a year
tificate, and placed obituaries in the local news-
and got an urgent care appointment. All I had to
to host a barbecue or gathering. The whole com-
papers. One of the papers objected to the phrase
"surrounded by her lesbian sisters;' but after some
say was that I'd found a new lump, and they had
munity joins together at least a few times a year for
me scheduled for the next day. (There's a tip for
a toy boat regatta in the center of the pond.
terse exchanges, the notice was accepted as written,
those of you who have trouble getting in to see
with apologies.
Along with 20 other lesbians, Heather had pur-
your doctor.)
chased a plot in a country cemetery. Hers would
be our first burial in what we call our "lesoleum:'
before, and that was the day after Christmas in
gays and lesbians of a certain age didn't really have a
2006, when I passed a kidney stone that forced me
chance to behave as freely in public as today's young
Funeral directors had been totally unhelpful about
to spend my holiday in the local emergency room.
adults. Leblanc recalls what was then a much more
selling coffins to us, but luckily, someone in the com-
I remember that my docto~ looked at my stone
cautious, risky process of coming out, including
munity had already booked one 'Just in case:'
briefly in the Ziploc bag I had placed it in and
the ritual at New York City's gay and lesbian bars
At home, we put a dropcloth over the dining
immediately tossed the whole lot in the waste-
of fleeing upon getting word that the police were
table and applied a white undercoat to the coffin.
basket. When I asked her if she shouldn't have it
coming. "I come from that, and it takes a while to
All weekend, dozens of lesbians painted it with
analyzed, she said, "What for? I know what it is:'
feel comfortable, even in here, chat you don't have to
loving tributes-dance
I think she should at least have pretended it was
look over your shoulder to see who's watching:'
shoes, many trees and
birds, night skies, dogs, veggie plots, rainbows, les-
"I think it's an absolutely marvelous place to be
an adult lesbian;' says Jean.
I had only seen my general practitioner once
interesting and then thrown it away after I left.
Sounds so simple-and
yet, as Leblanc explains,
Head about 100 miles south,
bian symbols aplenty. We attached some wooden
Anyway, on this second visit, she felt around my
to Fort Myers, and lesbian retire-
animals chat Heather had carved. Friends remi-
chest a little and then handed me a referral for a
nisced and visited Heather in her bedroom. The
mammogram. She asked me when my last mam-
ment and vacation living gets
even more "lesbian:' The Resort
eulogy-giver tweaked her speech.
mogram had been and I told her that this would be
on Carefree Boulevard, founded
Heather's own station wagon made a perfect
my first one. Apparently, you are supposed to get
in the late 1990s, is a community
hearse: There was room for the coffin as well as
yearly mammograms after the age of 40, or sooner
of nearly 300 lesbians ages 40 to
the cooler, the lunches and a couple of shovels. We
if you have a family history of certain cancers. Then
85-some
headed for an innercity church, remembering to
again, I was supposed to get yearly physicals, too.
living in second homes there and
take the right documents-we
sure didn't want to
explain our cargo if we got pulled over.
Many of us felt that the celebration was the
She told me to bring my pelvic exam and mammogram results back to her in a couple of weeks to
discuss the options.
fully retired, some
others renting an RV spot or a
cottage on vacation.
The community
is the brainchild of Gina
most satisfying and authentic ceremony we had
Options? What was that supposed to mean?
Razete, who built it in the late 1990s with her part-
ever attended: We listened to Heather's choice of
Wasn't she supposed to say it was probably noth-
ner, Cathy Groene. Razete describes the resort as
music, sang, heard the eulogy and readings from
ing and we would likely never see each other again?
"a vacation in and of itself;' with a party mood not
Heather's poetry, saw a slide show of photos gath-
And what pelvic exam? I started to worry the slight-
unlike what you'd find on an Olivia cruise.
ered from around the country and made lots of new
est little bit.
Parties are happening nonstop, and the Resort
and renewed friendships around the open coffin.
The next day, I noticed that the lump was a lot
frequently brings in well-known lesbian performers to put on shows just for the residents. Though
After a dance (another of Heather's requests), our
smaller than it had been than the previous few days.
procession of cars made the final drive to the ceme-
According to the websites, this was reason for cau-
the style of living is a bit too inward and removed
tery. En route, we stopped at a bakery for some for-
tious optimism, as a change in lump size is indica-
from mainstream society for some lesbians like
tifying pastries; someone leaned out the window to
tive of a hormone-activated cyst.
ask jokingly if Heather wanted a snack.
We encircled the grave, sang more songs, shed
Leblanc, who turned instead to Palms of Manasota's
I was tempted to go back into my cave in Denial
Land, but it was too late-my
girl had found me
more tears and gently lowered Heather into her
out and would not let me get past this mess without
grave with the straps left there for us by the grave-
some test results.
gender-mixing environment, it's a dream come true
for many others, Razete says.
"I can't say that I expected the excitement and
the happiness everybody seems to have down there
diggers. We could have dug the grave ourselves, but
A few days later, I saw my gynecologist for my
once I saw how deep it was, I felt nothing but grati-
first pelvic exam in a decade. She opened her Mary
from her office in Boone, N.C., the site of the couple's
tude for the Bobcat.
Poppins all-steel umbrella in my twat, snatched a
second retirement community. "They have so much
fun. They are all having the times of their lives:'
in a spot where they can be themselves;' says Razete
The whole funeral cost about $2,000. For this,
piece of flesh from my innards and told me I would
we gave Heather exactly what she had wished for,
hear from her if anything abnormal turned up. I
With the coming addition of a continuing-
and we were able to say goodbye genuinely and
was hoping she would give me some encouraging
care retirement facility in Sarasota, constructed
lovingly.
words about my now-shrinking lump, but she sent
by the international federation of Metropolitan
Now we're planning to produce our own good,
cheap coffins; we've bought a sample from the
Jewish burial service-it's
me off with nothing but an admonition about com-
Community Churches, southwest Florida will be-
ing back before menopause. Hardy-har.
come an area with "settle-down'' appeal to the full
doubling as a broom
What happened at the mammogram? I haven't
cupboard until needed. On the first anniversary
gone yet. My deadline for this column comes before
of Heather's death, we'll install a bird bath with
my appointment. I will let you know-but
a plaque on her grave, and we'll feel thankful for
way, this isn't about me. It's about you.
her lessons on how to care well and how to die
well. - Sarah Yeomans
78
Icurve
either
You don't have to be lucky if you are prepared.
So do what you got to do, ladies. ■
50-and-over age group-no
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matter how much or
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"There's just so much to play with down
here;' says Jean. "This is world-class stuff we're
talking about." ■
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