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Description
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ToC 18th Anniversary Issue; Happy Anniversary, CURVE! By Katie Peoples (p20); Travel: Gay Resort Towns and Pride Sneak Peek by Jennifer Parello, Stephanie Schroeder, Aefa Mulholland, Diane Anderson-Minshall and Margie Palmer (p32); Cover: The L Word's Soldier Girl with Rose Rollins by Diane Anderson-Minshall (p40); Red Carpet Season by Alicia Eler (p64); Ten Most Powerful Lesbians Over 60 by Stephanie Schroeder (p66); Put Clinton in her Place by Kristin A. Smith (p46); Obama is Our Hope for the Future by Jonanna Widner (p47); Somebody to Love? by Tammy Bruce and Colleen M. Lee (p48); Women, Unite by Victoria A. Brownworth (p50); Hillary Talks Back by Senator Hillary Clinton (p52); McCain is the Man for Me by Lynne Postel (p53); Mom Squared by Elizabeth Stark and Angie Powers (p54); Keeping Your Cool by Myra LaVenue (p57); Mainstream Moms by Rachel Pepper (p58); TV for Queer Families by Aimsel L. Ponti and Athena Douris (p60); Coming Out, Again by Beren DeMotier (p62); Cover Photo by Tony Donaldson.
See all items with this value
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Anniversary Issue
See all items with this value
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issue
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4
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Date Issued
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May 2008
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol18_No4_May-2008_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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®
HE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
Why Lesbians
Are Voting Fo~
✓Obama
✓HillatY
✓McCain
74470 80539
7
MIAMIANDBEACHES.COM or call 1-888-76-MIAMI
Four of Miami's most popular and renowned annual celebrations
highlight a noteworthy calendar of events, attracting visitors
from across the coyrJ,try and around the world.
For a complete
Additional
list of Miami events, visit FestivalSeason.com
information
can be found at GoGayMiami.com
• Aqua Girl (5/14/2008 - 5/18/2008)
• White Party (11/26/2008 - 12/1/2008)
• Winter Party Festival (February 2009)
• Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival (April 2009)
FranklySpeaking
curve
THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 18 NUMBER 4
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, California 94103
Phone 415-863-6538 Facsimile 415-863-1609
Advertising Sales 415-863-6538 ext. 10 or 212-446-6700
Subscription Inquiries 818-286-3102
Advertising E-mail advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial E-mail editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor E-mail letters@curvemag.com
Publisher/Editor in Chief
Executive Editor
Associate Publisher
Senior Editor
Assistant Editor
Book Review Editor
Music Review Editor
Contributing Editors
Proofreaders
Art Director
Photo Editor
Production Manager
Production Artist
Web Producer
Operations Director
Sales Department
Advertising Sales
Advertising Assistant
Editorial Assistants
Photo Assistants
Frances Stevens
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Sara Jane Keskula
Colleen M. Lee
Katie Peoples
Rachel Pepper
Margaret Coble
Julia Bloch, Victoria A.
Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee
Theresa Johnson, Rachel
Leach, Remy Ramirez,
Katherine Wright
Stefanie Liang
Nicole Teichman
Ondine Kilker
Kelly Nuti
Nikki Woelk
Flo Enriquez
Holly DeMaagd
Diana L Berry, Rivendell Media
Marlene Melendez
Aislinn Clevenger, Teresa
Coates, Katie Kaapcke,
Kamala Puligandla, Kelly
Rulon, Kory Tran
Sara Chestnutt-Fry, Catherine
Seriosa
Contributing Writers Kathy Beige, Mea Chavez, Jennifer
Corday, Beren deMotier, Michele Fisher, Tania Hammidi,
Jodi Helmer, Gillian Kendall, Kathi lsserman, Kate
Lacey, Myra LaVenue, Charlene Lichenstein, Jenna
Loceff, Karen Loftus, Karlyn Latney, Colleen McCaffrey,
Candace Moore, Aefa Mulholland, Catherine Plato,
Laurie Schenden, Stephanie Schroder, Jenny Sherwin,
Kristin A. Smith, Jocelyn Voo, Melany Walters-Beck
Who Gets Your Vote:'
I thought it might be a
slam dunk, but if my
friends and the cuRvE
staff are any indication,
the rainbow vote is still
up for grabs.
Frances Stevens Publisher/Editor in Chief
What a heady time: a national election in which history-or
maybe herstory-will be made. Barring
an apocalypse, our next president will either be the oldest (John McCain), the first African American
(Barack Obama) or the first woman (Hillary Clinton). This issue, we look at the election from a lesbian
perspective, asking a diverse array of queer women to tell us whom they're voting for and why. I thought
it might be a slam dunk-after all, feminists have waited decades for a woman in the Oval Office-but
if my friends and the CURVE staff are any indication, the rainbow vote is still up for grabs. In our office
alone, we have Clinton, Obama and even McCain supporters, as well as a couple of green backers (and a
few Nader haters and Gore dreamers, too).
Illustrators Kris Chau, Phil Cho, Anna Shipside, Katherine
Streeter
We couldn't get any candidate
Contributing Photographers Michelle Bart, Tony Donaldson,
Sohpia Hantzes, Gabriela Hashun, Cheryl Mazak, Connie
L. Merchant, Mia Nakano, Maggie Parker, -Elisa Shebaro,
Jeff Singer, Paul Thomas, Kina Williams
to
talk to us on the record; but Senator Clinton did give us an outline of
why she believes she would be the best president for our community. Though we would have broken our
(albeit flexible) no~boys~allowed rule for him, Senator Obama was not available for comment as of press
time. Victoria Brownworth looks at some of Clinton's most prominent lesbian supporters, from Ellen
DeGeneres to Billie Jean King. And Sheryl Kay offers up a tongue~in~cheek reply to conservatives still
mourning Mike Huckabee's withdrawal. Don't worry, the debate won't end here: Go to the CURVE mes~
sage board at curvemag.com to tell us what you really think about Decision 2008.
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Volume 18 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for
bimonthly January/February and July/August) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc.,
1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price:
$49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $71.95 international (U.
S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices
(USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced
in any manner, either whole or in part, without written permission from the
publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any persons or organizations
appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication of
the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve
welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE
for response. Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials.
Submissions cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is
includled. No responsibility Is assumed for loss or damages. The contents do
not necessarily represent the opinions of the editor, unless specifically stated. All
magazines sent discreetly. Subscription Inquiries: Please write to Curve, 1550
Bryant Street, Suite 510, San Francisco, CA 94103, e-mail shop@curvemag.
com, or call 818-286-3102. Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029.
Postmaster:SendCanadianaddresschangesto shop@curvemag.com,
Curve,PO Box
122, Niagara Falls, ON l2E 6S8. Send U.S. addresschangesto shop@curvernag.
com, Curve,POBox 17138,N. Hollywood,CA 91615-7138.Printedin the U.S.
.L
A
Keyword: Curvemag Web site: curvemag.com
On a slightly lighter note, our choosing motherhood section offers up the trials and tribulations of get~
ting pregnant, finding a donor and raising children. Among my faves: Angie Powers' tale of being butch
with a bun in the oven and the strange reactions it illicits. Her partner, Elizabeth Stark, tells us about the
couple's race to the maternity ward-they gave birth within months of one another. What a handful!
Whether you're debating political issues, ogling our L Word cover girl, Rose Rollins, or navigating the
turbulent waters of motherhood, this issue has some surprises offerings.
Features
"I was
raised
with five
brothersso
I definitely
had to fend
for myself.
[Beinga
tomboy]
is kind
ofmy
comfort
zone. I
didn'twant
to fall into
the trap of
tryingto be
a butchif
that is not
who I
essentially
am."
Rose Rollins
page 40
May 2008
20
Happy Anniversary, CURVE! Check out what we
Volume 18#4
48
32
Travel: Gay Resort Towns and Pride Sneak
Peek Hip unheard-of locations. Plus, a heads-up on
the biggest Prides around the country. By Jennifer
Pare/lo, Stephanie Schroeder, Aefa Mulholland,
Diane Anderson-Minshall and Margie Palmer
40
Somebody to Love? A conservative lesbian
searches for a candidate. Plus Air America's Rachel
Maddow. By Tammy Bruce and Colleen M. Lee
Curvettes were doing at 18. By Katie Peoples
50 Women, Unite Lots of power lesbians came out for
the senator from N.Y. By Victoria A. Brownworth
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November. By Senator Hillary Clinton
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McCain Is the Man for Me The Arizona senator
wins the heart of this dyke. By Lynne Postel
Diane Anderson-Minshall
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Red Carpet Season It's time for the Lammies, the
I Got You, Babe
Goldies and the Saints & Sinners awards for lesbian
54
authors. By Alicia Eler
66 Ten Most Powerful Lesbians Over 60 Get to
Mom Squared A lesbian couple gets pregnant at
C,
the same time. By ElizabethStark and Angie Powers
~
Keeping Your Cool How to get back your lesbian
cred after becoming a parent. By Myra LaVenue
know these pioneers of the LGBT rights movement.
46
Mainstream Moms The gayby boom is here and
it's more normal than you think. By Rachel Pepper
60
TV for Queer Families A kids' show for us. And
Louise Sloan tells us how she gets knocked up. By
Aimsel L. Ponti and Athena Douris
Smith
47
By Jonanna Widner
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why we need her in the Oval Office. By Kristin A.
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Hillary Talks Back Why she wants your vote this
COVER: The L Word's Soldier Girl Rose Rollins
shares her secrets and what's next for Tasha. By
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Coming Out, Again One lesbian mom struggles
with an unexpected closet. By Beren deMotier
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Frankly Speaking A few words from
our intrepid founder.
Contributors Meet the women behind
this issue.
Letters Our readers have butches and
babies on the brain.
10 Scene See what the girls are up to.
22 Lipstick & Dipstick I made out with a
boy. Does that make me a bisexual?
23 Ask Fairy Butch What do I do when sex
hurts?
24 Ten Ways to Pick Up Women We've
got the game plan for you.
12 Out in Front These three ladies tackle
14 Open Studio Celeste McCarty puts a
new spin on postcard art.
15 Curvatures Test your L Word knowledge, find ecofriendly pet products and
get a taste of Oohzee.
26 Astro Grrl What's in the stars for you?
28
Dyke Drama Adopt a new motto: sex,
not fights.
30 Politics The Internet gives mean girls a
41
curve
73 Music Watch Margaret Coble has the
perfect springtime music. Also, a peek at
the inner workings of Janet Jackson.
gets a chance to test out the latest at the
San Francisco expo, including the sexy
MacBook Air.
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77 I Tried It A day of whitewater rafting
turns into an unexpected adventure for
this boi scout.
80 Top Ten Reasons We Love Nathalie
shows by lesbians of color. And Kat Feller
from High School Reunion.
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76 Tech Girl It's MacWorld, and one dyke
new way to bully.
68 Sapphic Screen Candace Moore reviews
18 Lesbofile The stars go gay for pay.
the latest on same-sex marriage and
violence against women. Plus, author
Charlotte Mendelson thinks Harriet the
spy was a total dyke.
25 Health The latest on lesbians and STDs.
Plus chocolate that's good for you.
healthcare, AIDS and LGBT youth rights.
71 In the Stacks Rachel Pepper reviews
Gaulthier and Hope Hall These two
dynamic trapeze artists heat up the world
of aerial acrobatics.
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REALITY
Letters
"Thank you for your openness. It took me
a minute to set aside my natural arrogance
and then conclude that it's not about me. It
is about people's desire to express them-
Which issues are
most important
to you now?
selves authentically. Our right to do so even if
it seems blurred and indistinct."
32%
Legalizing
gaymarriage A Cosmo for Lesbians?
26%
I really love your magazine, but I do feel chat it is focusing too
much on The L Word and celebrities, and not enough en real
Universal
young people like us. I would like to see it becoming more like
healthcare
Cosmopolitanfor lesbians.
- Myca, Atlanta
26%
I sighed out loud upon seeing your "Last Butch Standing"
article by Allison Steinberg [Vol. 18 #1]. It is imperative that
journalists continue to make room for butches, stone butches,
trans men and everyone in between. So,' thank you for your
openness. Admittedly, the "dizzying array of gender expressions"
Love and Sex
not only confuses me at times, but also it very much angered me
for some time. I chink chat I was afraid of becoming "extinct:' It
I was reading your sex issue [Vol. 18 #1]. I had to respond to
"Dyke Drama" by Michele Fisher. How long is too long to wait?
took me a minute to set aside my natural arrogance and then
conclude chat it's "not about me:' It is about people's desire to
Revising I'm 53 and [my] wife is 45. There have been times when we didn't
immigration
laws have sex for six to nine weeks. Yes, we get very edgy and cranky
express themselves authentically. Our right to do so even if it
seems blurred and indistinct. Again, thank you for your positive
attention to butch women and the strong femmes who seek us
Gettingout
of Iraq
6%
4%
at times, but there are reasons for not having sex. She is going
through menopause and my diabetes gives me headaches. We do
I'm moreconcerned
however cuddle a lot, rub each other's backs, talk about how we
withthe newseason
of A Shotat Love met, watch lesbian movies and eat chocolate. When we are feeling
withTi/aTequila better, we have sex two to three times a week for a couple of weeks.
3%
3%
Tightening
emission
regulations
- ColeE. Thomas, Woodbridge,Va.
Keeping Up With the Young'uns
As a 60-year-old lesbian who has been out for 40 years, I have
The best part is feeling madly in love all over again. This advice
enjoyed your magazine more than any other lesbian magazine
chat has been in print. Not only do the articles appeal to me as an
older woman, they also serve to keep me in the loop about what
in the bedroom. The mind is the real sex organ. It's the heart chat
gets it going, not the kiss. That's my story and I'm stickin' co it.
- Clubgrrlin Kansas City, MO
A New Kind of Baby Boom
I believe there is a new baby boom of 20- and 30-year-old lesbian
couples. When I a kid, the visible lesbian couples were predominantly older couples with adopted adopted Asian girls. Today,
we are seeing a new wave of younger lesbians choosing to become pregnant. Perhaps new legislation has made the possibility
of becoming pregnant more of a reality,as insurance companies are
more likely to cover infertility treatments for same-sex couples.
Sperm banks offer couples anonymous donor sperm chat can
be accessed via the Internet. Given the cost of adoption, becoming pregnant and carrying your baby is far less expensive. This
current baby boom seems like an interesting subject to explore. It
is the new face of lesbian families.
- Sue Abatemarco,Asbury Park, NJ.
Icurve
out and love us so.
We feel we are leveling out the odds of the sex we aren't having.
Fightingthe can apply to younger couples. If you think things are dull, find
WaronTerror ways to rekindle that feeling. It's not always about the role play
6
Viva la Butch
the younger generation of gay women is up to. I have a bit of what
I hope you will see as constructive criticism on the current issue.
Typos! There have been issues without any however. I am also
happy with the fact that none of the background colors/photos
were so dark you couldn't read the dark print nor so light, you
couldn't read the light print. Keep up the great work.
- Linda, via email
Got Something on Your Mind?
E-mail letters@curvemag.com; write to CURVE Letters, 1550
Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103; fax to 415-8631609. Please include your name, city and state. Letters may be
edited for clarity and length.
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Corrections
Amy Villarejo teaches at Cornell University not Harvard [Vol.
18 #3]. Melissa Bozant was the manicurist for the Lucia Rijker
photo shoot [Vol. 18 #3)."Kahlo Hits the Road"was written by
Mea Chavez [Vol.18 #4]. ■
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PRIDE 2008
MAJOR SPONSORS
joie de vivre ®
H
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S
Yourworld. Delivered.
Contributors
BRID6ESTDRE
From the rolling hills of southern Oregon, KellyRulonsaid her goodbyes
to ma and pa, mounted her dapple-gray pony and headed into the liberal
north. Armed only with her wits and her best friend, she found nothing
but more best friends and fewer wits, thanks to the delicious microbrews
of Portland. She has since settled down a bit and thoroughly enjoys writing
about the swarming life that surrounds her.
"Writing about lesbian literature takes me back to my feminist and queer
$100
Getupto
value
Bridgestone
rewardcard
whenyoubuya set
of foureligible*
er·
studies days at Oberlin College;' says Chicago-based freelance writer Alicia
Eler.Eler also writes art reviews and book features for Time Out Chicagomagazine; her work pops up on CenterstageChicago.com and CulturalChicago.com
and in the ChicagoArtists' Newspaper.Nowadays, when she's not voraciously
reading magazines or critiquing art, Eler is either at work on her website,
aliciaeler.com, or trying to make time to learn how to cook, fix her bike and
figure out when she can take a vacation.
"Reporting is like acting-it requires versatility, charm and a willingness to
feign fascination;' divulges KelsyChauvin.
The Brooklyn freelancer began
her journalism career at age 12 with an exclusive on wacky earrings in her
middle school newspaper. Chauvin believes that inspiration is only as free
or fickle as an open mind allows, and for her it's most often found in transit-whether
are made:'
on foot, ferry, subway or bike, because "in motion, connections
"I am currently working on a gay travel show hosted by a soap star, which
includes trips to the beach to check out local hotties. This magazine is proof
that being queer is fun;' says editorial assistant KamalaPuligandla.
When
not in bed, Puligandla can be found in her sweatpants, eating at Burgerville,
playing the one song she knows on her keyboard, making paper dolls of her
friends and writing short stories. She plans to continue this lifestyle in the
hope that one of these activities will lead to fame, fortune and occasions to
wear pants without an elastic waistband.
Our Newest "Edition"
CuRvE
excitedlyandhappilyannounces
that AislinnClevenger,
a
cuRvE
editorialassistant,deliveredRileyStephenClevenger
in March.
Heweighs8 lbs.9 oz.andis 20 in. long.Heandhis momarenow
learningabouteachotherquicklyandsmoothly.
Clevenger
adds,"Being
pregnant
was...notglamorous.
But,it taughtmea lot aboutmyself
andshowedmewhatqualitiesI wantto nurturein myselfasa mother.
DeliveringRileywasevenlessglamorous!
Trulythe craziestthingI
haveeverdoneandfelt. It wasprettysurrealat first to holdmyson...knowingthat he
camefromme,that hewas'mine.'I fell in lovewith himinstantlyandI can'timaginelife without
him.I alwaysthoughtit soundedso clichewhenI heardotherstalk abouttheirchildrenlike
that,but it's absolutely
true.Mylife hasa wholenewpurpose."
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PASSION
for EXCELLENCE
1 Pariah actors Pernell Walker (left) and Adepero Oduye dance at GLAAD's And the
Nominees Are party 2 Ellen Huang (left) and Virgina Madsen at Queer Lounge at the
Sundance Film Festival 3 Two filmgoers at the screening of Passions and Power: The
Technology of Orgasm at the Roxie Film Center in San Francisco 4 Hell Ride actor Leonor
Varela at Queer Lounge 5 (From left) Partners Phillip DeBlieck and Rev. Troy Perry,
attorney Gloria Allred and partners Robin Tyler and Diane Olson at Let California Ring
Day of Visibility on Feb. 14 at the Beverly Hills courthouse supporting same-sex marriage and fighting to get the law changed 6 (From left) Pernell Walker, director Dee Rees,
actor Adepero Oduye and Pariah producer Nekisa Cooper at the PlanetOut Short Movie
Awards party at Queer Lounge 7 The Donnas fool around in the dressing room at Queer
Lounge
10
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JOIN US FOROURSIGNATURE
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FEATURINGTHE HOTTESTGIRL DJs.
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'
CELEBRATION!
Making Schools Sate
Gay at the CDC
Health Care for Us
In the mid- 1970s, PamChamberlain
became the
first out teacher in a Boston high school.
Revealing her sexual orientation ultimately
worked to her advantage as outcast students
gravitated to Chamberlain's homeroom and made
her acutely aware of the burgeoning issues faced
by out LGBT teenagers. From those experiences
Chamberlain developed the Safe Schools Program
for Gay and Lesbian Students, one of the first in
the nation to encourage schools to change their
social climate and help them support gay youth.
She has also spent 20 years on the board of
RESIST, a small foundation that funds grassroots
groups working all across the country to deal with
issues like militarism, poverty, nuclear waste and
homophobia.
Currently, Chamberlain is doing research
for Political Research Associates, a think tank
that exposes movements that undermine human
rights.
"The political right in this country knows
how to use existing prejudice against women,
communities of color or LGBT folks to get and
maintain power, and that is outrageous;' she
says.''I've learned that the anti-same-sex-marriage
people, the anti-abortion types, and the 'welfare
reform' supporters all share ideas about who
should benefit from the good life, and it's
not us!"
From the moment she realized and acknowledged
her attraction to women, Georgia-based Tonia
Poteatconsidered herself an activist.
"That's when I began to notice all of the
homophobia around me and understand that all
of that hate was directed at me and other people
like me;' says Poteat. "I just couldn't ignore that.
I had to respond:'
Ask Dr.Sue Dibblehow health care for lesbians
might differ from health care for the general female
population and watch her hop on her soapbox.
For almost two decades, Dibble, a co-founder
of the Lesbian Health and Research Center in San
Francisco, has been one of the nation's leading
advocates for the wellbeing of queer women.
'There are significant barriers to quality health
care for lesbians;' says Dibble. "Lack of knowledge
by clinicians about lesbians and their cultures,
prejudice by government leaders, insurance
disparities, heterosexual-looking offices, with all
the information pamphlets and pictures depicting
heterosexual couples, as well as forms that don't
reflect lesbian life:'
In addition, notes Dibble, there are unique
health issues stemming from the societal stigma
associated with being an out lesbian, including substance abuse, obesity and depression, while other
maladies are due to sexual differences (for instance,
not being on birth control as much as heterosexual women can put lesbians at greater risk for
ovarian cancer).
"We all need education about lesbian health, so
that when someone asks why specifically'lesbian'
health issues...wouldn't be the same as any woman's
health issues, we all can answer that question:'
Dibble is currently co-authoring a book entitled
LGBTQ Cultures: What Health Care Professionals
Need to Know about Sexual and Gender Diversity
and editing Lesbian Health 101, a compilation of
leading-edge articles written by 40 experts in the
field oflesbian health. She's also helping to develop
a continuing-care retirement community in Santa
Rosa, Cali£, called Fountaingrove Lodge.
"Safe aging with folks who are LGBT is a major
concern of mine, perhaps because I am a boomer
facing what to do and where to live as I age;'
she says.
Chamberlain is still up for the fight.
"My Birkenstocks and flannel shirts may be
worn out, but my politics are still good enough
to wear in public;' she says.
If you know of any LGBT activists
or any women who are Out in Front
at work. at home or in the community. please let us know by writing to
curvesoutinfront@hotmail.com.
After graduating from Yale,she provided primary
care for HIV-infected patients at numerous health
care facilities and initiated and coordinated the
first public HIV /hepatitis C co-infection clinic in
Atlanta. She now works as a health scientist for the
Global AIDS Program at the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention in Atlanta, where she
performs site assessments and assists with monitoring and evaluating HIV treatment programs in
sub-Saharan Africa.
''I've always wanted to improve health care for
those of us who are underserved-people of color,
LGBT people, uninsured and poor people;' Poteat
says.
Poteat, who had a Christian upbringing in
North Carolina, also appeared with her family
in ·For the Bible Tells Me So, Daniel Karslake's
documentary on homosexuality and religion.
"I was doubtful that my parents would participate, but I agreed to ask them;' remembers
Poteat. "Much to my surprise, they said 'yes' and
we embarked on this really interesting journey of
sharing our stories:'
Poteat is applying to doctoral programs in
public health and wants to create a project that
addresses the health care needs of LGBT individuals
in developing countries.
''I'd love to be able to pull together all of my
passions-LGBT
health, HIV, international
health and human rights, social justice-into one
project;' she says.
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Visitgay.orbitz.com
'IIBITz·
Celeste McCarty
Some people are touched by the creative spirit. In the case of Celeste McCarty, that spirit has
grabbed, invaded and enveloped her.
The 36-year-old, San Francisco-based artist ( therealmccarty.com) has been painting, taking
photographs, drawing and otherwise making visual art since her pigtail days.
"I have always created art in some way;' says McCarty. ''As a child in a small town in Florida, I
would entertain myself by drawing small human figures dancing. From that obsessive habit early
on, I have continued over the last 30 years to create visual arr:'
For McCarty, the beauty of making art is in the multitude of media at her fingertips. 'TU use
anything," she says before rattling off her favorites: spray paint, house paint, gouache, watercolor, oil
paint, acrylic and photography.
The leap into professional artistry came to McCarty in
a local-neighborhood sort of way. After a visit to New York
City in the '90s, she returned to San Francisco to imitate
artists' "stoop sales:' She sold artworks of all sizes, and on
a sliding scale, but her 4-by-6-inch painted cards sold consistently and quickly led her to mass-produce this small
form art.
That trend inspired the method she still uses today. Since
creativity can strike anytime, anywhere, McCarty says she's
learned to always be ready for it. Carrying a camera is easy
enough, but for her painted and drawn work she'll prepare
dozens of"backgrounds" on blank cards.
She'll paint patterns and styles in many colors, often
in watercolor or gouache, blanketing her apartment with
them as they dry (fortunately, with the blessing of her girlfriend). Then, on her way out the door
she'll grab a stack, along with her favorite gel pens, and is set to finish off her readymade backgrounds
wherever the day takes her. "The background kind of tells me what to put on there;' she says.
The resulting images are delicate line-drawn figures, structures and abstracts sketched on the
multicolored cards, each with a calming and intriguing simplicity.
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Among other places, McCarty steadfastly continues to sell her cards, canvases, magnets and prints on the street, where she can interact with
her buyers. After all, it is the city itself that most influences her work.
"I love cities;' she says. "There are all these different people putting in so many ideas to make a city-graffiti
architects-I can't imagine living anywhere else and getting that same steady stimulation:' ■
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Two Ways to Play TheL Word
your love, it seemed like the perfect teen slumber party game.
But then again, not many teen board games ask players about
their favorite sex position. After two hours of play, we let the
girl who was farthest ahead take the glory, and called it a night.
In the end, it was worth playing and we all learned a little something new about one another. - KKP
Test Your Knowledge
Are you obsessed with everything L Wordf Do you want to
make your friends look stupid with your L Word knowledge?
If so, The L Word Trivia Game may be exactly what you are
Rule the Planet
In the official The L Word Board Game you are trying to buy a
share of the Planet, the hot cafe/bar where all The L Word ladies
hang out. It's like the Game of Life, but instead of investing in
college, you pay for a band to come play or your ex shows up,
creating a scene, and you have to pay the bank a few hundred
bucks. Fans of the show will appreciate the way the game incorporates the characters and their pitfalls along the way. To spice
it up, there is a truth or dare element: Players have to do their
best impression of Helena, swap shirts, divulge a fetish or else
relinquish some money to the bank. With dares that ask you to
wear your bra outside your shirt or to text your ex and declare
looking for. As a self-proclaimed dork, my first thought when
I was given the deck of cards to test was, This is just like Star
Wars Trivial Pursuit, but for dykes ... ! like the show and all but
am far from an expert, so I gathered some friends and we sat
down to play. Apparently we are also all a bunch of L Word losers because the questions are really hard, and they focus mostly
on the first two seasons, which is good if you are behind on the
series. I really wished the questions were about Princess Leia,
but I learned a lot about Shane and the names of her various
one-night stands. Our favorite aspects of the game were its pink
color and small size, which is great for travel. This is the perfect
game to play with your fellow queers on the road trip to Dinah
Shore.-KK
Music in
Your Mouth
Doyouoftenfind
yourselfdancingalong
to thatcatchynewKelly
Clarkson
single?Now
youcanbrushyour
teeth alongto the beat
withthe Hasbro
Tooth
Tunes,a toothbrush
designed
to playmusic
andencourage
peopleto
brushfor two minutes.
Thesongemanates
from
the brushandthesound
qualityimproves
with
firm pressure
andsteady
strokes(toencourage
betterhabits).Thisbrush
is greatfor all ages
witha musicalselection
rangingfromthe Black
EyedPeasto goodol'
Kissandthe Village
People.($10,toothtunes.com)- CM
WHAT'S HOT: Plushies for Grown-Ups
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patternfor a rathercuteGrimReaper.
makesgruesome
moviemonsters
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withgreatillustrations
and
adorable
andirresistible
thoroughinstructions,
thisbookis
withherlineof high-qualsureto helpyoumakeyourvery
ity,handmade
plushies,
ownplusharmyof darkness.
CuddlyRigorMortis.Her
($15,quirkbooks.com)
collectionrunsthe gamut,
frommonsters
likeBloody
Glantmlcrobes:
Whoknewthat
Maryandthe Creature
chlamydia
couldbeadorable?
fromthe BlackLagoon
Giantmicrobes
comein a variety
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magnified
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Zombiein a
timesandincludeaninformasmartpinstripesuitwith
tivetagthattellsyouall about
exposed
brains.Careful
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though,thesedollsarenot
hand.Fromthesphericalblue
intended
for childrenor pets.
commoncoldto thesnakeBloody Mary l"k
($40,cuddlyrigormortis.com)and
zombie
I e pinksyphilis,
thesemake
greatgifts.Thecompany
CreepyCuteCrochetThisbookby
evenstarteda Professionals
line,
ChristenHaden(QuirkBooks)hitsbook- usedfor publichealtheducastoresin Juneandwill teachyouhowto
tion,thatincludesa blackplush
crochetyourveryowncuddlyzombie,
HIV/AIDS
witha redribbon.($8,
ninja,robotor devil.There'sevena
giantmicrobes.com)
UglyDolls:These
intentionally
ugly
butoddlycute,soft
dollsfromcreators
DavidHorvathand
Sun-MinKimmake
a colorfuladdition
to anyroomor toy
Chlamydia
collection.
TheJapaneseinspireddesigner
toyscome Giantmicrobe
in all differentsizes.Weespecially
like
the big-eared
Ox,the long-armed
Abima
andthesquare-shaped
BigToe.($20,
ug/ydol/s.com)
- KP
CURVATURES
WRITTEN
BY
MeaChavez,
Katie
Kaapcke,Jenna
V.Loceff,Colleen
McCaffrey,Katie
Peoples,
Kamala
It Pullgandla,
Una
Swislockl
The Ugly Dolls Lineup
May 2008
I 15
Curvatures
Something Green for Fido
Way out in Bozeman, Mont., a little
company is making a big difference. West Paw Designs
is committed to making ecofriendly toys and beds for
dogs and cats in the
United States-and
to paying its people
a living wage. That kind
of social commitment takes
these products from "aw" to "wow:'
At West Paw, there is a company-wide
focus on the environment and community-both
at large and within. West Paw uses recycled packaging to ship its products. It cuts down on waste
and cost by using fabric scraps left over from the
beds to make the toys, and stuffs the beds with
recycled soda bottles.
And the public is responding. As West Paw
pioneers environmentally friendly pet products,
other companies seem to be falling in step-the
industry is expected to top the $1 billion mark by
2009. Now that's a lot of soda bottles.
Community
is another huge focus for the
'MORE TIDBITS
company, which has 25 to 35 employees. In
keeping with its mission to help the greater
community,
West Paw (in partnership
with
Reach, Inc., a nonprofit that helps disabled people find work) hires special needs individuals for
subassembly work.
Within the company, the emphasis on community manifests itself in fun and practical ways.
West Paw holds an annual meeting that mixes the
office and production staffs into teams that each
design a new toy. The winning team gets a goldpainted cardboard hairball with eyes.
More practically, the people who work at West
Paw enjoy reasonable wages and benefits, which
makes them more inclined to care about the company they work for. The design and shipping staffs
have the same incentives, meaning that at each step
of the way, every product gets
checked over by someone who
cares about the product being
shipped. - LS
The Eco Nap dog bed (above)
and the Madison Moose dog toy
Teatime in Otown
What could be more refreshing than a teahousd If
you've tried Numi teas, you know they're delicious,
into the clay pot. Set to a timer, the tea steeped for
more than a minute, and then was ready to pour
and the company has recently opened the Numi
Tea Garden in its hometown, Oakland, Calif. I
back into the glass pot to serve.
Paired with delicious tidbits like French cheeses
dropped by one weekend to try out this latest addition to the current teahouse craze. This new restaurant-a perfect reflection of its neighborhood,
or Greek spanakopita, the tea will please your
Embarcadero Cove, a haven for lesbians and artists-is destined to be a hit that will draw visitors
from around the bay.
The rustic furnishings and the urban and Asian
influence in the interior design create a charming
and comfortable atmosphere.
The traditional tea service
has a ceremonious nature that's
sure to delight. After I ordered
from an array of delicious tea
blends (I chose the Ruby Chai
and Berry Black Tea), the server
scooped the loose tea into a terra
cotta clay pot. She then poured
hot water from a glass teapot
16
I curve
taste buds and warm you up while being easy on
your wallet. Tasty bites range from $3 to $8, teas
from $3 to $5. A true green business, the Numi
Tea Garden maintains sustainability through its
practices, furnishings and eco-friendly materials.
Numi Tea Garden's new hours are 11 a.m. to
7 p.m., making it a perfect happy-hour alternative. Numi's intimate stage
invites local musicians to
perform for its tea-loving
patrons. This is an accessible and cozy music venue.
Enjoy a sophisticated
afternoon or evening at
Numi, sipping tea and
soaking in Oakland's artsy
vibe.-MC
Showtime
hasrenewedTheL Wordfor
thesixthandfinalseason.
Thoughthefirst
dramaticlesbianseriesis wrappingup,
creatorIleneChaiken
saystheshowwill live
onthroughthe brandandOurChart.
A newstudyfindsevidence
of extreme
right-handedness
anda numberof older
brothersasa predictorin gayor bisexual
men.Whydowecare?Well,peoplewho
believethathomosexuality
is something
we
arebornintoaremorelikelyto supportequal
rightsfor lesbianandgaycitizens.Research
likethismayhelpshapepublicopinion.
A studyoncensusdataontheLGBT
communityin Washington,
D.C.,foundthatD.C.
is hometo nearly4,000same-sex
couples.
It
alsofoundthatonaveragesame-sex
householdsraisingchildrenhavefewereconomic
resources
thanmarriedhouseholds.
D.C.
same-sex
couplesaremorelikely
to beemployed
thanheteromarried
couples,
84 percentin same-sex
versus63 percentin hetero.Not
sosurprisingly,
thestudyfound
thatwomenin same-sex
couplesearnlessthanboth
marriedheterocouplesand
same-sex
malecouples.
A 17-year-old
senior,Bethany
Laccone,
wasthreatened
withsuspension
afterbeingtoldtheT-shirtshewaswearing,
whichhadanimageof twooverlapping
femalegendersymbols,
upseta teacherat
NorcomHighSchool,in Portsmouth,
Va.
TheTruthWinsOut(truthwinsout.org),
a
nonprofitorganization
dedicated
to counteringright-wingpropaganda
andexposing
the"ex-gay"myth,released
two newIPSAs
showcasing
the myth'sabsurdity.
InWillCounty,
111.,
courtofficialsdenieda
low-income
transgender
woman's
request
for a fee-waiver
for costsassociated
witha
legalnamechangebecause
thechiefjudge
felt it wasextraneous.
CherandChastity
Bonoarepitchinganother
realityTVserieswherethedynamicduo
wouldassisteveryday
folk in comingout
to theirfamilies.Perhaps
gettingto meet
Cherwill lessentheshockof havinga gay
child... or will it? - KK
Curvatures
Lesbofile
A Sapphic Scarlett Johansson
Finally, Woody Allen does something we approve 0£ I By Jocelyn Voo
This month, straight celebs go gay, gay celebs sober
up and jilted lovers get even. Just another day in
the gossip mill.
Gay for Play
Though she's better known for her sex tape, clubbing in next to nothing and coining nonsensical
phrases, ParisHiltontook time out of her busy
socializing schedule to do some necking with
supposedly straight actor ElishaCuthbert,
whom
she costarred with in the abysmal movie House of
Wax. The duo arrived separately at the Manhattan
nightclub Tenjune in January, but reconnected by
the end of the night. The two were "all over each
other and making out;' a source told Us magazine.
Perhaps Hilton was rehearsing for her upcoming
cameo on The L Word?
"It is also extremelyerotic.Peoplewillbe blownaway
and even shocked.Penelopeand Scarlettgo at it in a
red-tintedphotographydarkroom,and it willleavethe
audiencegasping."
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WWD, barely giving credit to Sischy, who was
when a woman posted a video on YouTube in
which she confessed to having had sexual relations
clearly the driving force behind the magazine's A-
with the hip-hop star.
list content.
"I just thought they could really use some
direction, going forward, of a younger generation
But it may just be some civilian claiming
her 15 minutes of fame. Ma denied the rumors:
"Remy Ma has not nor has she ever been involved
of people;' he added.
in a same-sex relationship with the accuser or any
other woman, however Remy is respectful of those
Steamy Scenes
As if making out with Alias actor Mia Maestro
for her brother's music video wasn't enough,
PenelopeCruz now goes gay with Scarlett
Johansson
in Woody Allen's new movie, Vicky
Cristina Barcelona,sharing a steamy lesbian sex
scene. A source told the New York Post,"It is also
extremely erotic. People will be blown away and
even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in
a red-tinted photography darkroom, and it will
leave the audience gasping:' A threesome is also
included in the film-sadly, it's a male joining in
on the action.
Reading Between the Lines
Interview magazine, famous for its in-depth
celebrity profiles, made a different kind of headline
this January. The magazine was owned 50-50 by
Peter Brandt and his ex-wife, SandyBrandt,who
left him for a woman-IngridSischy,Interview's
famously connected (and also hard-assed)
editor-in-chief of 18 years. So when Peter bought
out Sandy's share this January, it was hard not to
notice some residual bitterness toward the woman
his wife left him for.
Singing the Same Old Song
"To say that Interview is a product of Ingrid's
Has rapper RemyMa dabbled in the pink in the
friends ...that's like saying, 'What's Voguegoing to
be like without [former editor] GraceMirabella?' past? Rumors swirled, and it certainly didn't help
18
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statement issued by her publicist.
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Bottoms Up?
RosieO'Donnell,
alcoholic? On her blog, O'Donnell
told a fan that she'd recently dropped some weight
by cutting beer out of her diet. This prompted
another reader to ask, "So, Rosie, alcoholic or not?
Just spit it out! Don't go all StarJoneson us here.
What led to you stopping the beer? You'll only
help someone else:' O'Donnell replied: " 'Cause I
was drinking too much, 'cause I didn't want to any
more, 'cause it is hard to lose weight when drinking, 'cause I can never have only one:'
We're not talking about Lay's potato chips here,
but it does look like Rosie's "diet" may require help
from a different organization than Jenny Craig. ■
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Confessions of a Dancer
Dana Riceel, aka Oohzee, is a force in the exotic entertainment
industry and one of the most frequently requested performers on
the LGBT circuit. She combines gymnastics with a unique, in~
your~face style that fans can't get enough of. Her DVD, A Tasteof
Oohzee,came out last year. Oohzee talked to us about embracing
her life, getting into dancing and what she likes to read.·- JVL
Kristanna Loken
Sia
"But in the end, you just hope people are going to
support your happiness. It shouldn't really matter.
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How did you get into dancing?
I had a friend YaYa. She got me this gig at a female club. [Back
then) the female club wasn't my lifestyle. I did it one time.
What was your childhood like?
I like to embrace my past. I had very young parents. In some ways
it has made me too tough, too independent. I was always rough
around the edges.
Your floor work is very unique. How did that start?
I got on the straight circuit and I didn't want it to be a pleasure for
the men; I did all these things that may have been emasculating.
I never viewed myself as sexy; that is why my name is Oohzee.
Where did the name Oohzee come from?
I had been working three jobs at home, and I packed up to move to
New York. I was determined to work as a backup dancer. So I
became Uzi in the Oaktown 357.
And you kept dancing?
I loved it. To get paid for what I love to do, wow....I just don't like the
star treatment: It creates so much tension [with the other danc~
ers). They are my peers. I am not above anyone. The bottom line
is that I am not trying to act like they are any different. With
audience members, sometimes I get pigeonholed. When I am on
the floor I am wild and risque, but if you are in a position to strike
up a conversation, come over and ask what kind of books I like.
What was it like going from the straight world to the gay
world?
I was embraced. In the gay world we put more into our show,
though there are some straight girls who bring it. One incident
though-there was a girl in the crowd of a gay show and she
said, "She's going home to her man:' But that was her trip.
You dance with partners sometimes. How does that work
out?
It is great. When I do, I prefer to dance with Egypt from
California.
So what kind of books do you like?
I like books about black urban neighborhoods and the struggles
people go through and what they do to survive. ■
I think that was the biggest thing about coming
out. ..being accepted to love whom you want.
I guess it's kind of the ultimate test of that: Are
people in the gay and lesbian community going
to accept you if you love [someone o~ another
gender?">> Bisexual actor Kristanna Loken, to
AfterEllen on her engagement to a man
"The thing is I feel kind of straight because she's kind
of like a boy. [My love interest] thinks l'm·straight.
She's like, 'You're straight; it's just that your girlfriend
is gay.' So I'm straight, it's just that my boyfriend's
a girl? She's like, 'I don't care, whatever you'd
like."' >> Musician Sia, to AfterEllen, on her
recent coming out
"Somewhere along the line, the killer, Brandon, got
the message that it's so threatening, so awful
and so horrific that Larry would want to be his
Valentine that killing Larry seemed to be the right
thing to do. And when the message out there is
so horrible that to be gay you can get killed for
it, we need to change the message.">> Ellen
DeGeneres, commenting on her show about
the murder of 15-year-old Larry King by his
classmate Brandon Mcinerney
May 2008
I 19
Where Were We at 18:
Were just barely legal, as 2008 marks cuRvE's 18th year in print. Hurray! We can officially drink in Mexico.
When this milestone in cuRvE's life made us reflect on what our lives were like 18 years ago, we realized
that CURVEhas been around so long, some of us were still in daycare! To spice things up, were reminiscing
about what life was like when we were 18 instead.
Frances"Franco"Stevens(Publisher):
I had a serious boyfriend and didn't
realize that I was gay and neither did my BFF, Sandi. We were total jocks,
and it was the first time since sixth grade that we'd been separated. I drove
to her university one weekend to go see the Bangles in concert. That should
have been a big clue to both of us ...I drove a white Datsun 280SX and was a
college freshman with a double major in biochemistry and microbiology ...
studying like a total nerd so that I could get into vet school. I lived in Maryland
near Washington, D.C., where it was legal to drink. So my new pals and I
would head to Georgetown every weekend to let off some steam and dance
our butts off to Billy Idol while doing that weird Idol lip thingy.
DianeAnderson-Minshall
(Executive
Editor):I had my last real boyfriend and
my first real girlfriend. I listened to Ozzy Osbourne on my Walkman cassette
player at least three hours a day. I got sent packing from Tulane because I
owed 20 grand. My car's engine blew up in the middle of Kansas and two
truckers drove me 200 miles to Denver, but when the girlfriend who was with
me told them nobody knew where we were, they looked happy. So I freaked
out and climbed through a truck stop restroom window ~nd hitched a ride
with a nice elderly couple. Then I came home, got a job at the local newspaper,
drank way too many daiquiris, bleached my hair blond and stole a car for a
road trip to California. Our police chie£ whose recommendation helped get
me into college, drove to Nevada to pick up my two co-conspirators and me
and then, when I got to court, my colleagues at the newspaper had to actually
cover the trial. Ironically, I think I disappointed my parents more when, a year
later, I became the youngest journalist to write for the in-house newspaper at
the Republican National Convention.
ColleenM. Lee(SeniorEditor):
At 18, I decided to travel before college, and I
discovered I was a bit of a stalker. I attempted to continue a love affair with
a hot-blooded Spaniard by flying to Spain to seek him out. I had a few great
weeks in Europe, but finally had to realize (the hard way) that every summer
fling must come to an end. Apparently, if you follow someone across an ocean,
20
I curve
you are a stalker. He seemed to think so. At that point I was obviously not out
yet. How is my life different now? I still love foreigners, but this time my love
is a woman and she doesn't mind (I hope) when I stalk her. Oh yeah, at 18 I
drank a lot of gin and Squirt, too-that is probably why I dated and pursued
foreign-born boys.
SaraJane Keskula(Associate
Publisher):
I celebrated the eve of my 18th
birthday by wandering around Harvard Square with my new best friend, aka
my first-ever girl crush. I had been lusting after her for several months, and
the evening found us sipping on vodka-infused Slush Puppies, skipping down
the cobblestone sidewalk, eating cake, opening presents, blowing bubbles and
pouring glitter on everything. We were dancing around in "The Pit" when I
looked up at the large digital clock on the side of the Cambridge Bank just as
the time turned from 11:59 to 12:00. I turned in excitement to tell her that
it was my birthday and she planted one on me! There were fireworks, bells
and whistles, lights flashed and with that one smooch (and the several that
followed) I knew there was no turning back.
KatiePeoples(Assistant
Editor):When I turned 18 I couldn't drive, I didn't
have a car or a job, and I was still a virgin. By the end of the year, I was
commuting like a maniac to community college and my mall job at the 'Bux in
my little blue Honda (which still gets me around today), and finally I'd gotten
laid. My 18th year was definitely full of firsts, but one of them wasn't all it's
cracked up to be. Can you guess which one?
Flo Enriquez(Directorof Operations):
I was a senior in high school and
I was very much in the closet. My grade-school best friend was having a
fling with my coach. I, however, was not in a relationship. My life was very
comfortable and simple but full of adventure, travel and meeting new people.
Back then, I was into sports, friends, and driving. I was starting my first job
and my mom was having a baby in her 40s.
HollyDeMaagd(Subscriptions
Manager):I was a freshman in junior college,
living at home. I came out to myself the year I was 18 and was really scared
that my parents would find out and put me in a psych ward. I would read
books from the gay section at the library but take the book a few shelves
down and read standing up to hide the cover or spine. I worked in a ware,
house processing clothes from the factory and played softball. I consumed
massive quantities of beer. I quit smoking, which I did poorly anyway. I didn't
know any lesbians, but I did like it when my female self,defense partner in my
P.E. class held me down in faux attack positions. I now live with my partner,
Carmen, and our dog and cat in San Francisco. I don't consume vast quanti,
ties of beer anymore. Plus, my mom is cool with me being a lesbian and tells
me what is up with Ellen and Melissa.
DianaBerry(Advertising
Executive):
At 18, I was working for the government
and partly out with my sexuality. As for relationships at 18-that was all part
of the fun of youth and learning. How is my life different now? I'm happier,
better, smarter and faster!
StefanieLiang(ArtDirector):
I was trying to convince myself I was the "cool"
class president by highlighting my term with house parties (while my parents
were away) and bringing different cliques together ...nothing like a "natty light"
to bond the drama nerd and the soccer jock, the math whiz and the class
clown. I felt like the ultimate matchmaker, and I was on top of the world.
College put me in my place. At the University of Michigan, I couldn't flash
my class president badge. I was just a small fry. And I had to stop worrying
about how others were connected and start figuring out where I fit in. I soon
found solace in the middle, in that blurry area of the gender/ ethnicity/ sexual
orientation spectrum. And I've been basking there ever since.
NicoleTeichman
(PhotoEditor):I put my long, thick curly hair in a ponytail
and snipped it at the rubber band. It was the most liberating thing, and I
never looked back. I secretly decided to skip college by not filling out any
applications and waiting until April to tell anyone. I worked in a small movie
theater, a hair salon and a photo lab. I loved Smashing Pumpkins, Alanis
Morrisette, Green Day and Tori Amos. I drove a 13,year,old Ford Escort
hatchback that had faded from red to a hot,wing,sauce shade of orange. And
yes, I was able to fit up to seven rowdy teenagers in it at once. I cared way too
much about what other people thought of me, so I was not out yet, but was
bursting at the seams to live my own life. I'm lucky though: My BFF then is
still my BFF today.
•
OndineKilker(Production
Manager):I was a nerd and a jock. I spent the last
class trip with folks I knew I'd never see again. I had (and still do have) artsy,
cultured parents-they named me after a French water nymph. I was lucky
enough to spend the summer in the south of France. In summer school, I
developed various crushes on my fellow pre,E.U. students-from
a woman
who was a Rob Lowe lookalike to Irish, American and, of course, French la,
dies-who as we all know, or secretly wish, are more open to romances avec les
femmes des Etats,Unis. While that summer transition from high school to col,
lege is a fond, if hazy, memory of fumbling toward women, my Franglais is as
strong as ever, and as Pepe Le Pew would say: "Turn out zee lights, darleeng.
I (now) know where everything eez:'
KatieKaapcke:
At 18, I was a disaster. I was a freshman at St. Mary's College
in Moraga, Cali£ I hated it and did not fit in, so I transferred after one year. I
wasn't out yet, either. My life is very different now as I have figured out I am
gay and have come out. I also am doing what I love for work. I know what I
want and who I am.
KoryTran(EditorialAssistant):
I graduated from high school and felt like
the world was my oyster, thinking life was going to be nothing but fun and
sunshine. I was 30 pounds lighter, culturally confused and obsessed with
Abercrombie & Fitch and the budding emo movement. I was into Yellowcard
and I absolutely adored my t.A.T.u album. Although I'd love to be 18 again,
I do feel I've found myself since then, and I'm much more self,assured about
who I am as a person.
AislinnClevenger
(EditorialAssistant):
I was thrilled to finally be able to le,
gally buy my own cigarettes. I loved my newfound independence, and life
was exciting. I felt like I had been released from jail, a teenager who pushed
against the bars of authority, and when the walls of conformity came down, I
was free to find out who I truly was. Community college also helped a lot with
that. It's where I discovered that I wanted to be a writer. Essentially, my 18th
year is when I laid some of the most crucial foundations in my life.
KellyRulon(EditorialAssistant):
I was at the University of Oregon walking
down a dark path one night with my friend Dakota, who I thought was gay...1
caught her once making out with a girl. When she started talking about some
guy she had made out with the night before, I said, "Dakota, I thought you
were gay?"She then said, "Kelly, I'm bisexual!" And that was the moment that
I learned that this could be possible. Since then, I have learned I am gay. ■
May
2ooa121
Advice
Lipstick & Dipstick
Oops, I Did a Dude
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I am 19 years old,
and I've been out for about two years. I got
really drunk last night, and I was so wasted
that I made out with a guy and let him get to
third base with me. Does this mean I am bi?
From the pictures, I looked like I enjoyed it,
but then again, I was totally trashed. After I
woke up, I wanted to throw up because of
what I did. I love, L-O-V-E girls, so why did I
make out with a guy? - Feeling Foolish
Dipstick:
You're not bi, you've got a drinking problem. Letting a guy poke you and take pictures is
a cry for help. Most of us have done things while
drinking that we regret later, like the time my college roommates and I decided to try naked tobogganing one February night. Even that wouldn't
have been so bad, except my
friend Lori forgot to grab the
car keys. I suggest you keep a
close eye on your drinking and
if you end up in any more compromising situations, with men
or women, head to an AA meeting.
Lipstick:Dipstick, you're so uptight. Just because
she got drunk (this is what 19-year-olds do)
doesn't mean she's headed to AA. But you're not
off the hook, Fool. Ifl were you, I'd be freaking out,
too. And not because you let him into the honey
hole, but because you were so trashed that you let
him take pictures. Lipstick Rule No. 317: When
there's a camera in the room, have two drinks
and go home. While Lipstick hasn't kissed a guy
This is code for "I'm not really attracted to you, and
I'm going to keep my options open until I meet someone
who really does light my fire....But we can go to bingo
on Sunday night-that is, if I don't have a hotter date."
in decades, I don't feel this slip in
judgment deserves repeated snaps
from my whip. Just one. (Crack!)
What should concern you, FF, is
that Internet porn is big business, and
you may find yourself spread-eagled
on dykesdabblingwithdick.com. Aside
from fearing your (albeit unintentional)
cyberspace debut, cut yourself some slack. Learn
from your mistake and move on. We're not infallible,
after all.
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm recently
divorced, 46 and finally have embraced the
fact that I love women. I'm interested in a
woman who says she wants to take it slow
because she's been hurt in the past. Is she
really interested or just letting me down
easy? She does want to date, but doesn't
want to be alone with me yet. - Fresh Out
in Her40s
Lipstick:Move on, Freshie. This is code for 'Tm
not really attracted to you, and I'm going to keep
my options open until I meet someone who
really does light my fire. But you're cool and I like
spending time with you. And maybe we can roll
around on that zebra print rug I have, or go to the
movies and hold hands, but I'd really like you to
go home after we're done making out and pitching woo. Especially if it's Saturday. I love Sunday
mornings and I don't want to spend them with you.
But we can go to bingo on Sunday night-that is,
if I don't have a hotter date:' Does that help?
Dipstick:Not so fast, Lipstick. You and I have
both heard the sob stories from women who move
too quickly. What she's really saying is, "I kind of
like you, but I'm not sure you've really gotten that
man off your breath yet. But even if you have, fresh
out of the closet as you are, you're certainly not
ready to settle down. I saw you checking out the
hot barista's ass on our coffee date. So, before I
get invested and let you break my heart, I'll just
pretend I'm not ready for commitment:'
52'
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Lipstick:No matter how you interpret what she's
saying (and I'm right), she isn't the girl for you.
~
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Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: Help! I recently
discovered that I'm gay and I've never been
221 curve
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...J
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Ask Fairy Butch Advice
Like a Virgin
with a woman. I moved into the spare room
with a hot friend of a friend whose live-in
girlfriend cheated on her and moved out.
This works for both of us financially, and
to penetrate me in any way, I seem to tense
more intimate contact, ultimately resulting in penetration. Good luck, honeybun.
crush has turned into me totally falling for
ends there. The problem is that penetration,
even though not painful, is quite uncomfort-
up and get dry. Of course, for me the fun
able for me. Is there any way I can train my
she's attracted too, but there is caution in
vagina so I can expand my sexual horizons?
the air, as we've both been through a lot
lately. But there's so much sexual tension
- Too Tight in Tulsa
I can't sleep. What should I do? -
DearTooTight:Sugar, I'm no doctor, but it appears
Torn
Either
approach can
involve your partner and can gradually evolve into
Dear Fairy Butch: My panties are in a little
bit of a wad. I met and fell in love with a
37-year-old woman, and even though I'm
only 21 , the relationship works perfectly. I
moved away in August to go to school. But
Up in Tennessee
to me that you have a classic case of vaginismus.
Vaginismus is the involuntary tightening of the
Lipstick:If Lipstick can still be great friends
PC, or pubococcygeus, muscle (a hammock-shaped
muscle that stretches from the pubic bone to the
tail bone, forming the floor of the pelvic cavity and
I decided that I didn't really like it, and now
I'm moving home-well, back to the area,
not back in with my parents. I am moving in
with my girlfriend, but my parents think that
I am friends with her daughter, who is only a
few years younger than me. So how do I tell
ship can bounce back from a misguided sexual
advance. But who's to say it will be misguided?
supporting the pelvic organs), which makes vaginal penetration of any kind-with fingers, dildos,
them that this is my partner? They know I am
That's the worst case. Surprise her with candle-
speculums, penises-difficult
think something is up, right? -
light and dinner. Open a good bottle of wine.
Put on Sade. And then open yourself up to the
Common symptoms of vaginismus range from
burning or stinging with tightness during penetra-
possibility. Once you set the mood, go in for the
tion, to difficulty inserting tampons or undergoing
a pelvic exam, to spasms in other muscle groups
kiss. I'd suggest you don't talk about it first-let
the way your lips touch hers do the telling.
to nearly impossible.
Dipstick:Lipstick, didn't we just deal with
(legs, lower back, etc.) and halted breathing during
attempts at penetration, to name a few.There is primary vaginismus, a situation in which a woman has
doing regrettable things while drinking? No,
always had difficulty with painful penetration, and
Torn Up, no wine, no candles and no sexy music. Sit down with your roomie and spill your
secondary vaginismus, in which a woman may have
had years of pain-free penetration, but now is unable to tolerate it, due to a variety of reasons.
heart. You're both adults, not college girls in
a sorority. In a community where the line between friend and lover is so thin, this kind of
thing happens all the time. I once had a roommate who I could tell had a crush on me. She
would moon at me over chicken pot pies, wait
around on Friday nights just in case I wanted
to hang and always changed the subject when
I talked about the girl I was dating. It was onesided and puppy-doggish. We never talked
about it and I eventually moved out because of
the weird energy. Don't let this kind of tension
ruin your friendship. Fess up and deal with the
consequences. Either you'll move out of the
spare room and into her bed, or after a few awk-
But here's the good news: Vaginismus is highly
treatable. Effective treatment combines pelvic-floor
control exercises, insertion or dilation training, pain
elimination techniques, transition steps and exercis-
not taking my bed from home, so they must
Curious in
Kokomo
DearCurious:Well, cupcake, I'm pretty sure they
have a clue as to what's going on, since you've left your
Posturepedic back at the homestead. I wouldn't be
surprised though if they thought that the relationship in question was between you and your lover's
daughter. I can't telepath your parents' reactions, but
I bet they'll be in for a world of puzzlement when
they find out that you're involved with someone
who is probably in their own age demographic.
So, if you want to create one big, happy mixedgenerational family, it might take a wee bit of work.
I would tell your parents up front, before they meet
your lover, so that they'll have a chance to compose
es designed to help women identify and resolve any
contributing emotional components. Psychological
themselves. This will prevent any jaw-dropping
gaffes that may otherwise occur. Tell them about
barriers can be addressed on your own or with
the help of a therapist. Physical treatment of the
your strong feelings for her and let them know that
you'd like to have a meet-and-greet. Pick a neutral
spasms associated with vaginismus may include
sensate focus (focused sensual touch) exercises and
desensitization with vaginal dilators-which
are
spot, such as a restaurant you all will fancy. Be
prepared to be (accompanied by your lover) on the
basically dildos that went to med school. Dilating
involves inserting dildos or dilators (which progress
gradually in size as the vaginismus decreases) into
ward weeks you'll go back to being best friends. ■
the vagina.
You may want to see a counselor or sex thera-
Ask us anything about sex, love or lesbiansat
lipstickdipstick.com.
pist, or you may first want to try using dilators or
dildos in combination with Kegel exercises (the
0
I
relax-
She's fun, smart, honest and hot as hell.
So now, what began as an innocent little
with her ex-girlfriend, Double T (we had a
horrible breakup), then certainly your friend-
a.
and
ation of the muscles
that control the flow of
urine).
her. How do I tell her without losing her
friendship? I've noticed subtle hints that
.J
penetration. I have no problem during fore-
contraction
play-I am turned on and as wet as any girl
could get. But the moment my partner tries
we have a blast together; we fit so well.
I
0
Dear Fairy Butch: I have a big problem. Even
though I am very sexual, I can rarely enjoy
hot seat for a while; relationships with as big an age
difference as yours, especially when the younger
partner is barely out of her teens, are not wellaccepted among everyone, and your parents may
have an axe to grind-just be prepared for it. ■
EmailJb@fairybutch.comwith your queriesregarding lesbianlife,sexualityand romance.
May 2008 j 23
Advice
Relationships
How to Seduce the Ladies
Learn to pick up a girl in 10 easy steps. I By Kate Lacey
The phrase "pickup artist" implies that you must be Picasso to capture and
hold the attention of a woman. The truth is, finding that special person and
having her find you interesting is more like Paint by Numbers. Plug in all the
colors from your palette and eventually she will get the picture.
Believe me, you don't have to look like a supermodel to have permission
to walk up to an attractive woman in a public space. What builds instant
electricity is not physical beauty. If good looks equate to a romantic connec,
tion, why did Angelina Jolie marry Billy Bob Thornton:' Follow these simple
rules to get the girl:
0 The first rule is, you must believe in yoursel£ Everyone has strengths and
your job is to let her in on the fact that you are a catch. Confidence is sexy.
Even if you look like Jabba the Hut, you can woo her with your sense of
humor and charm. This takes courage and requires that you feel the fear and
approach her anyway. Sure, you may get rejected, but what if you don't:'
@ Desperate is not sexy.Even if you haven't had a date since 1990, you should
not let your potential partner in on it. Attracting her is a delicate balance of pre,
tending you're not entirely smitten and letting her know you're attracted to her
at the same time. Your attitude should be: I don't need you, but I may let you
have the pleasure of knowing me. This is not to say you should be cocky, but
you need to carry yourself as if you are a commodity to be desired.
C) You're going to the club, so dress for it. You don't have to pull out the prom
dress or tuxedo, but you should wear something that makes you appear
unique and shows that you care about your appearance. Even if you have to
wear a muu muu, wear one designed by
Tommy Hilfiger. Use the honest opinion
of your friends to figure out whether
you look sloppy, grungy, flabby and/ or
trampy. Appearance isn't the only thing,
but it is a thing to be reckoned with, to
a degree.
0 Once in the bar, get an adult bever,
age and relax. (Note: Sloppy drunk is
not sexy. Asking her to hold your hair
while you puke in the bathroom is not ro,
mantic.) When you scope out someone
you are attracted to, get close to her. If
you're waiting for her to approach you,
because you are staring and drooling
in her general direction, the cows will
come home and pigs will be flying be,
fore she even knows you exist. You must
get on her radar.
0 Once you're near her, smile. Make
eye contact just long enough for her to
24
I
curve
know you're looking. Drop your eyes, then look off to the side. This is a
genetically programmed mating response that our hetero friends implanted
in our DNA. Remember though, staring too long will scare her. The line
between getting her digits and getting a testraining order for stalking her is a
very fine one. Look her in the eye just long enough that she knows that you
are into her, but not so long that she believes you are dangerous.
0 Before you get into your pursuit, make sure she is available.Look for rings,
matching tats and public displays of affection. Even if a couple is apparently
together but not getting along too well, this is not a green light for you to be
opportunistic. To coin a phrase, it's best not to defecate where you eat. There
are only so many lesbian bars in any given city, and once you get banned from
them you'll be reduced to trolling the preteens and old pervs on MySpace.
8 Approach her and tell her something funny or unique, while avoiding the
old lines. The more deprecating the better, to garner her attention. Remember
your first interaction with attraction as a kid:' In grade school you ran up to
Suzy and pulled her pigtail to show her that you wanted her, but that you
didn't need her. It's no different now. Pick on her. Make her laugh, but don't
cross the fine line between being flirtatious and being a jerk. Use sarcasm with
a wink and smile. This will build an instant rapport.
0 Try a unique opening question. For example, "What's your favorite T
word, and whyt Then mock her answer just enough to get her to laugh, but
not enough to hurt her feelings. Don't ask her what her astrological sign is.
Instead, ask her what her favorite street sign is. You could tell her that yours
is "Slippery when wet:' Give her a wink
and then move away just enough to
feign indifference. If she moves toward
you, she's yours. If she doesn't, well, she
never was.
0 Don't move too fast. Mystery is a
good thing. Finding yourself in the stall
after a hot session of dirty dancing is not
romantic. You likely won't get a call back
the next day, but you will definitely need
a shot of penicillin.
4Ii)Finally, be yoursel£ Unless you are
an unconfident, socially awkward wall,
flower clad in sweats, hoping that some
chick will approach while you suck down
draft beer in a dark corner of the bar. In
which case, you should be someone new,
someone charming and funny enough to
woo Ms. Right. It starts with believing
that you have something that is worth
her time. ■
Advice
- Keeping the Bugs at Bay
It's your third date and you
know that you really like
her. You haven't had sex in
three months. Who wants
to complicate the situation
by talking about STDs?
Yet that's exactly what you
need to do if you value
your body, your health and
your future relationships.
Some STDs are as
common among lesbians
as among heterosexual women, and some
are even more prevalent among lesbians.
Bacterial vaginosis (BV), an imbalance of
the bacteria in the vagina, is more common in lesbians than in straight women.
Although BV's cause is unknown, it can
lead to more serious conditions and affect
fertility. Human papillomavirus (HPV), which
can cause cervical cancer and genital
warts, is easily passed through genital contact. HPV is one of the leading reasons that
regular Pap smears are essential. Herpes is
an STD that can be passed through oral sex,
making it especially common in lesbians.
This doesn't even include trichomoniasis,
syphilis or crab lice, all of which can be
transmitted during lesbian sex. That's why
it's so important to protect yourself and
your partner. If you use sex toys, cover
them with a condom to prevent fluid
exchange. Wash your hands and toys with
antibacterial soap every time you have
sex. Use barriers like dental dams or, if you
have nothing else available, nonmicrowavable plastic wrap. (Plastic wrap's protection
against STDs hasn't yet been tested.)
Above all, be honest with your sexual
partners. This is the most important way
to keep yourself and your partners healthy,
happy and safe. - Kathryn Board
Health
GOOD CHOCOLATE
If the thought of swallowing
a pill each day to supplement your diet makes
your mouth go dry, then
the latest in good-for-you
food items will certainly
make it water. Amoriss is
a delicious dark chocolate
packed with antioxidantrich fruits and berries (such as pomegranate
and goji) and infused with red wine extract.
Thanks to this amazing combination of fruits
and organic dark chocolate, these individually wrapped candies promote heart and
joint health and a strong immune system,
and help combat premature aging. We were
a bit skeptical about the taste-after all, how
can something be good
for you and be dessert?
Luckily, we were proven
wrong- these chocolate
treats taste as good as
anything from your local
confectioner. (amoriss. com)
- Katie Peoples
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May 2oos j 25
Advice
Astro Grrl
Give 'Em Something to Talk About
You have Taurus(April21-May 21}
Sex:Sometimes the force of your personality sweeps any loose
gal
a secret off her feet. Sometimes it takes more effort. May brings a
push-pull to every liaison. Career:Don't try to talk yourself out
admirer, of this recent professional snafu. Ride the waves and wait until
Gemini, the winds die down. When in doubt, take a vacation.
who is Gemini(May 22-June 21}
Sex:You have a secret admirer who is waiting for the right time
waiting to make her move. The real question remains: What will you do
when she makes herself known? Uh-oh. Career:
You may say too
for the much on the job and cause all sorts of corporate to-dos. But that
righttime was your plan all along.
to make Cancer (June22-July 23)
Sex:Will a certain gal pal turn into a lovergrrl? It depends on
her move. what you're looking for in a relationship. Do you know what
you're looking for? Career:Crabs move into the epicenter of
The real power as their carefully planned ideas begin to take root and
question grow. Be a benevolent dictator.
remains: Leo (July24-Aug. 23)
Sex:There is something sexy brewing at work. Is it at the coffee
What will machine? It's certainly not at your desk. Walk around the officeand
take a sip. Career:Unearth what is going on behind the scenes
you do and maximize that knowledge for your advancement. Take comwhen she promising negatives and make them profitable positives.
makesher- Virgo (Aug.24-Sept. 23)
Sex:You'll find love in not-so-ordinary places. Travel, see the
selfknown? world and gather your rosebuds with April, May and June.
at work. How low will you go to get set up? Career:
Professional
windows open up for you despite your bad attitude and frustration.
Put it all aside and jump into new opportunities and the big bucks.
Capricorn(Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Sex:Be flirtatious and fun. Be charming and sugary.You will attract
more flies with honey than with vinegar. That is, of course, if you
want to attract flies. Career:Money comes to you more easily
and without the usual effort. Bank as much of it as you can, so
you can tell the so-and-so at work something so satisfying.
Aquarius(Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Career:Girlfriends give you a leg up at work. It's not what you
Sex:Put more effort into certain relationships or decide to start
know but who you know that counts. Hurry before that situation changes and you are expected to know something.
new ones. Luck follows you everywhere. Where will you lead it?
Career:Business relationships are strengthened now. Instead of
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
squabbling about the finer points of the infrastructure, build
bridges and avoid heavy tolls.
Sex:You are hot stuff this May, Libra. Raise the temperature
with a very cool number who knows what turns up your oven.
Career:
Not only do you tear up the love-scape, you're also on fire
at work. What is it that makes you so ambitious and successful
now? Why ask why? Don't sit at home and stew.
Pisces(Feb. 20-March 20)
Sex:Speak the words oflove and see who follows you. Before you
know it, you could be feathering your nest for a robin or another
fine-looking bird. Career:
Putting in the effort gets you noticed and
on firmer footing in your current job. Is this good? You decide.
Scorpio(Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Sex:Relationships can be very fulfilling now. Make the most of
it ... and her. If you are looking for your soulmate, get out now
and look! Career:
A few out-of-this-world ideas get you into the
corporate inner sanctum. Let your imagination and strategic
impulses reign. Then become a rainmaker.
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Sex:If money won't buy you love, try sugary promises and love
0
notes? It's cheaper and just may work. Career:Lambda Rams
~
may lose some of their corporate glitter. Is it because you no
longer have your mind on the job? ■
~
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Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec. 22)
Sex:Even a lowly paper pusher can grab the eye of a high-level lady
26
I
curve
For more advicefrom the stars, visit our astrologer,Charlene z
c3
ex:
Lichtenstein,onlineat thestarryeye.com.
>
Dyke Drama
Michele Fisher
Wanna Fight About It:
Of course you do, because some girls just need to let it go.
Do you spend more time arguing with your lover than having sex with her?
This will not do. You two should fight less and screw more.
You're not going to take my advice, are your You gals are going to make
yourselves and all your friends suffer more.
Some things are worth fighting for, but hardly anything is worth fighting
over (and over) with a lover.
Productive fighting is like a productive cough in that it gets rid of the
emotional phlegm. But most arguments are of the unproductive variety.
The best sex can come on the heels of a good argument, but unfortunately
most conflicts lead to couch,surfing, not rug,munching.
Everybody has a disagreement once in a while, but has your relationship
become a series of arguments strung together between truces? Take it from
me and the rest of your friends: You guys have become a drag to be around.
You two have got to do something soon, before we run out of excuses not to
be around you.
Go ahead and spend money on books and therapy-it will be money well
spent. But if all you need is a little more truth to get you headed in the right
direction, then save your pennies and your sanity and read on.
Have you been fighting over the same thing for more than a month?
Nothing is worth fighting about for that long. Come to a resolution before
you drop from exhaustion.
What if one of you cheated? That's serious, but it still isn't worth fighting
about forever. If cheating is involved, which in the dyke community is a taboo
greater than cannibalism, it's still not an excuse to keep fighting. Eventually,
you two are going to have to get past it or give up on it.
Entire books have been written about what to do about the big C in a
relationship. What I have learned from experience and observation is that
some women can get over cheating and others cannot. Figure out what kind
of woman you are and go with it. Fighting won't make it go away or make
either one of you feel better (and that makes you even madder about the situ,
ation). Try to focus on the positive: At least we can't get each other pregnant.
What if she does come home to you pregnant? OK, that is worth a month
of fighting. Then again, she may have saved you thousands on artificial insemi,
nation. Perhaps she isn't the tramp you think she is. She might just be thrifty.
Which brings us to the subject of fighting over money. The girl of my
dreams is one that I can be with for richer or for poorer. Money is a very silly
reason to create stress in your relationship and yet we hear about dyke money
drama all the time.
I have an old,school lesbian buddy who pays all the bills for her and
her girl. Her lover, who is gainfully employed, gets to keep her own money,
but does buy household items when necessary. Her other co,workers and I
think Old School is insane and razz her all of the time about being stuck in a
time warp. Long gone are the days of the butch Big Daddy who took care of
everything for the femme who just laid back and did her nails, but our Daddy
Warbucks doesn't seem to know it.
Then again, she and her girl never seem to have a problem with the
arrangement. In fact, I think that we give her the only stress about money she
has ever had in her relationship.
But what if your fiscal relationship with your girl is bugging you? No need
to fight about it-just do a budget together. Make a game of it. Each of you
track your spending for a week and then come together and you show her yours
if she shows you hers. It will be enlightening. You may realize that besides
being a spendthrift she is also a big fat liar when she fails to provide you with
the full extent of her expenditures. Then you will have something to fight about.
After you track your spending, you two can move on to the goal,setting
portion of the program. Figure out something you both want and could work
toward together, like home ownership, an exotic holiday or finding her a big
butch lover who will pay for everything.
Nothing causes marathon arguments like family. Her family, your family,
the in,laws, the outlaws, it's all a mess. Maybe her sister is a biatch and your
dad is a drunk, but yelling those factoids at one another is not going to help you
figure but how to be around those folks without becoming as toxic as they are.
When it comes to dealing with family, spousal arguments are not productive.
You must maintain a united front. No matter what happens, you must
stick together. Talk about every decision before you make it. Don't let a
family member bully you into making a unilateral decision. Holidays,
a:
lJ.J
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lJ.J
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ti
lJ.J
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a:
lJ.J
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, birthdays, weddings and even vacations are a snap once you agree to do nothing without your woman's stamp of approval.
I have found that guilt has played a starring role in all of the cruddy decisions I have made concerning family. Guilt is only productive if it leads to a
positive change, like the killer who ends a homicidal spree and turns himself
in. But committing you and your lover to a weekend of camping with your
religious zealot mother and her Zoloft-popping boyfriend because you were
afraid your mom would be mad if you said no is just plain silly. Steal a couple
of her boyfriend's happy pills, let go of the guilt and stay home with your wife,
the woman who didn't screw up your childhood.
As mentioned earlier, there are productive arguments, but they are vastly
outnumbered by stupid ones.
Some arguments you should never have are:
Drunken
ones.They last forever and never accomplish anything. The only
way to avoid these arguments is to avoid drinking excessively.But if avoiding
alcohol just isn't worth it, the best course of action is to act like you don't
remember what happened. If you have alcohol blackouts then good for youyou won't have to lie.
Being a spectator, particularly if you do not know either party involved in
one of these alcohol-fueled spectacles, can be quite amusing. To catch the best
drunken arguments, hit a Gay Pride event late in the afternoon and hang out
by the port-o-potties. The stench of drama might overpower the eau de toilets.
Onesaboutold relationships.
How many times do you have to explain
that you love your current girlfriend more than your old one( s)? There is
no way you can prove it. If she believed you, she wouldn't be yelling about
it all the time. Yeah, it is all about insecurity, but knowing that isn't going to
improve your current situation. And telling her that she is insecure might
make her take a look at herself, or it might cause her to holler louder. When
the topic of old girlfriends arises, it is best to clam up, stare off into space and
wait out the storm.
Onesaboutsex.How is fighting about sex supposed to help your love life?
If you weren't getting it before, you are really not going to get it after making
such a fuss.
Nagging
ones.Are you still harping about that bounced check or dented
fender? Give it a rest. That's not fighting, that's nagging, and it wears a girl
down like a drug pusher at a high school dance. No, you are not just reminding her so she won't make that mistake again. You are grinding her down to
a nub. If you are trying to be scarier than rising insurance rates or a $30 returned-check fee then you are a big success. But you are also becoming scarier
than her last girlfriend, which means that you will be spookier than the next
girlfriend, if you keep up the carping.
There are a billion other things you shouldn't fight about, but you and
your girl should figure those out together.
Have you been fighting about the same things for years? Then forget
everything you have read here. Hostility obviously works for you. Look at
all those ridiculous "happy" couples who have fallen by the wayside over the
years while you two just keep plugging unhappily along. You may be at one
another's throats, but that is still togetherness. ■
May 2008
I29
Politics
VictoriaA. Brownworth
Mean Girls Never Grow Up
They just get new screen names. That's where the problem begins.
often is, even in big cities like my
own. There was nowhere to hide
from the hierarchy of cliques.
The lesbian community can
be the same way. As vase as it can
appear when you first come out
and don't know how to navigate
the terrain, it can suddenly seem
like a crowded elevator stalled
between floors when you break
up with someone or leave a particular group.
A few months ago, a story
made all the news outlets about
a young girl who committed
suicide after being bullied mercilessly online. It was a tragic story
and made me think about the
new trend in bullying: hie and
run on the Internet, where anyone can post anything about another person, and the victim has
no recourse.
Megan Meier was only 13
years old when she hanged herself
in her bedroom closet after being
I was bullied at school. Mercilessly. Before Heathers and the "Plastics;' before
books and studies about girls who bully, before it was a recognizable trend,
there was me, isolated and alone in my all-girls Catholic school, bullied every
day.
The reasons why I was bullied are numerous. I was a smart girl, and intellectual geeks are always targets. I was also the tallest girl in my class, and my
gawkiness was made worse by a uniform and saddle shoes.
I came from a dysfunctional home, so my social skills were sketchy.
bullied online. The girl thought
she was being bullied by a boy she
met on MySpace. It turned out the "boy" was the creation of a former friend's
mother and this woman was the real bully.
Mean girls never stop being mean girls, even when they grow up.
Meier's case is perhaps extreme. But many girls are bullied online and just
suffer through it, afraid to tell anyone for fear the bullying will get worse.
This is the Internet Age, and everyone has a cyber life in addition co their
daily offiine life. Adolescence is primed for bullying, but so is the Internet.
I've been involved with online groups over the years-some political, some
My family was poor, so I was regularly called out for unpaid tuition in
front of the entire class. At events where we wore regular clothes instead of
queer. I discovered in my cyber life chat mean girls never grow up-they
get new screen names.
uniforms, my classmates were attired in chic little Villager and Lady Bug miniskirts. I was wearing clothes my mother had made or things she had bought at
the thrift shop. Rickrack was almost always involved.
One of the problems I had at school was that I couldn't mislead or conceal.
I was only ever good at being mysel£ I never did develop that trait of dissembling. As a consequence, I am the same in real life as I am online.
If you're bullied in childhood, it can lead to a lack of self-esteem. But even if
But that's not the case for many people in cyberspace. As Meier found
out all too tragically, mean girls haunt the cyber world, trolling for victims on
whom to vent their prodigious spleen.
you grow up to become popular and successful, those mean-girl taunts remain
in the back of your head, echoing into your adult life.
Lesbian life is full of mean girls. We've all run into them. They're in the
just
bars, in the activist groups, on the email lists. Some have even been our titular
leaders. They haunt our community with their rumor-mongering and nasty
asides.
The difference between cyberspace and the real world is chat in the real
world you can't say or do anything you want without consequences. Bue
online, anything goes. You can use vile language, lie about someone, invent
new identities, steal ochers: or trash a life and just move on.
My school was claustrophobically small, just like the lesbian community so
I found this out firsthand when a lesbian email list I had belonged co for
30
I
curve
IN THE NEWS
almost a decade let its mean girls take over. It began
with an argument over politics, but then it escalated
into something more sinister. I began receiving nasty
off,line messages from a few members of the group.
These were startling and hurtful, and I requested that
the harassment stop. It didn't, so I just deleted the mean
girls' emails.
Then there was a shocking twist: The woman who
started the group ousted me. She sent a letter to the
group saying they were not "allowed" to talk to me about
why she did so.
The years of bullying came back in a tsunami, knock,
ing me flat. It was as if I were back in that schoolyard all
over again. It was a terrible feeling.
My story has a much happier ending than the Meier
one. Many of the group's members left in solidarity with
me and I started a new group, which has none of the
tensions of the old one.
But for several weeks after my expulsion, I was in the
a:
tortured place of the victim with no recourse. In real life,
I could have sued the list maven for the things she said
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about me-lie
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upon lie fed to her by the women who had
been bullying me for months. In real life, I would have
been able to face my accusers and ask for evidence and,
when none was presented, been vindicated.
But the terror of online bullying is that there is no
redress, no way out for the victims. And when those vie,
zz
tims are young and resourceless, the results can be tragic.
I saw myself in Megan Meier, because I was her, many
m
years ago. I attempted suicide as a kid; the bullying was
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that harrowing for me. I spent years cutting my arms
with razor blades in an effort to release the pain.
Then, magically, I became an adult and life was under
my control. I survived.
Mean girls proliferate in all walks of life. They cut
their vicious little teeth on childhood pariahs and then
w
~
;Js
w
move on to bigger targets. Whenever I read a column by
Maureen Dowd on Hillary Clinton, for example, I imag,
a:
ine she was a mean girl pushing and shoving her way
ft
w
through the schoolyard.
As adult women, we often equate viciousness with
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strength, but they are not the same thing. Being on the
receiving end of a mean girl's poisonous pen or whiplash
tongue can end tragically, as it did for Megan Meier.
We need to rein in the mean girls in our own com,
munities and never let them gain the advantage or create
more victims. Mean girls give all women a bad name and
(/)
~
can damage impressionable young girls-sometimes,
~
with Megan Meier, beyond repair. ■
as
MoreGayCandidates
Thisyearthe GayandLesbianVictoryFundexpectsto endorsemorethan100candidates.
It
hasassistedwiththe electionof manyopenly
gayofficialsin the UnitedStates,starting
with 49 in 1991andnowtotalingalmost400.
According
to theVictoryFundpresidentand
CEO,ChuckWolfe,the growingnumberof out
candidates
represents
the LGBTcommunity's
growinginvolvement
in
electoralpolitics."We
arenotcontentto sit on
the sidelinesandhope
that othersdothe right
thingfor ourcommunity,"Wolfesays."We
will stepupandlead
thefightfor a more
equalandfairAmerica,
andwe will win."
Californian
Right-Wing
Activists
SeektoStrip
Schools
ofSafetyfromDiscrimination
TheStudentCivilRightsAct,SB777,in effect
sinceJan.1, reinforces
prohibition
of the
discrimination
in publiclyfundedschoolsand
activities,includingdiscrimination
basedon
religion,race,disability,genderandsexual
orientation.
LawyersforAdvocates
for Faithand
Freedom
andtheAllianceDefense
Fund
opposed
the lawandfiledsuitchallenging
SB
777,butCalifornia's
attorneygeneral,Edmund
G.BrownJr.,dismissed
the lawsuiton Jan.
11 dueto the lackof necessary
signatures
to qualifythe referendum
for theJune2008
ballot.According
to the 2001California
HealthyKidssurvey,nearly30 percentof
California
youthin gradessevento 11 reported
experiencing
someformof harassment
or
bullyingbasedontheiractualor perceived
race,ethnicity,religion,disability,genderor
sexualorientation.
"Witha thirdof California's
studentsfacingharassment
or evenviolence,
it's offensivethatouropponents
arewastingtaxpayerdollarsmakingan issueoutof
this,"saysBrianChase,seniorstaffattorney
for LambdaLegal."Thislaw protectsall kids,
andthis attemptto stripawaybadlyneeded
protectionis hatefulandmean-spirited."
Georgia's
FirstOpenly
Transgender
Politician
Accused
ofFraud
Whilethe involvement
of openlyLGBT
candidates
in politicsis at an all-timehigh,the
mudslinging
is as well.Georgia's
first transgenderpoliticianandRiverdale
CityCouncil
incumbent,
MichelleBruce,wasattackedwith
a lawsuitclaimingelectionfraudbythe 2007
third-placefinisher,GeorgiaFuller.Anopenly
transgender
city councilmemberfor four
years,Bruceis well-knownin the community.
Thelawsuitcomplained
that Brucemisled
votersby identifyingherselfasfemale."I've
alwaysbeenMichelle,"claimsBruce."If someonehasa problemwiththat,I can'thelpthem.
It's a personalissue."Thejudgedismissed
the
casethe daybeforethe runoffelectionwith
Hall,butthe damagehadbeendone."It was
a personalattack,"saysBruce,whocameto
officein 2003."It wasaimedat gettingmeout.
They'redistractingvotersfromthe issues."
FirstAfrican
American
Lesbian
MayorElected
Cambridge,
Mass.,hasmadehistorywiththe
Jan.14 electionof thefirst openlygay,female,
AfricanAmericanmayor,E.DeniseSimmons.
"It's wonderfulto be in a high-profileposition,
andbe in it asyouare,"saysSimmons.
Her10
yearsonthe Cambridge
SchoolCommittee
and
fouryearswiththe CityCouncilhaveprimed
herfor hernewposition.Notto mentionshe's
followingin the
footstepsof thefirst
openlygay,male,
AfricanAmerican
mayor,Kenneth
Reeves.
Mayor
Simmons'future
initiativesinvolve
the cultivationof
eco-friendly
careers
andsustainabilitypractices
for the city.Asa
memberof the CityCouncil,sheimplementedCambridge's
LGBTCommission,
whichincludedsensitivitytrainingfor the
Cambridge
police,andonthe Cambridge
SchoolCommittee
Simmonsestablished
the
LGBTFamilyLiaison,whichseeksto improve
communication
betweenLGBTfamiliesand
schools."Because
we'rein Cambridge,
being
gayis notan issue,"saysSimmons.
"Youcan
focuson policyissuesthat aremeaningful
to
all people:employment,
housing,safetyin the
streets,issuesthat affectus all regardless
of
whoare,regardless
of ourgenderandwhowe
chooseto love."- ColleenMccaffrey
May 2008
I31
1gan
Just a hop, skip and a jump from Chicago, there's a resort town
lesbians love. Story and Photos by Jennifer Parello
For several years, I'd been threatening to leave Chicago. I was
sick of the traffic. Sick of the suspicious stains on the sidewalks.
Sick of the same girls I'd seen at the same bars for the past decade.
'Tm chucking it all;' I'd exclaim t~ my friends. 'Tm going to
move to a small town where the people are friendly, the air is
clean and the beaches are not littered with used hypodermic
needles:'Typically, these pronouncements were made late in the
evening, after I'd had a few drinks and was sullenly wondering
why I had failed to make meaningful eye contact with any cute
women that night. No one took me seriously.
But then a miracle happened. Somehow, in the worst housing
market in recent history, I managed to sell my condo in the city.
As my friends gawked in disbelief, I packed up my dogs and
bought a cottage in New Buffalo, Mich., a small resort town
wedged on the banks of Lake Michigan.
What happens when you finally realize your dream? Your
freeloading friends muscle in and turn it into a nightmare.
32
I curve
When you live in a resort community, everyone wants to visit.
People you barely know show up for long weekends, eating your
food, drinking through your liquor cabinet, draping wet towels
on antique furniture and, worst of all, expecting you to entertain
them.
I've had houseguests every weekend for the past year. My
ears ring with the whining refrain, "So, what's next on the
agenda?" As a result, I have traveled throughout southwestern
Michigan, a region charmingly called Harbor Country, in an
attempt to keep my demanding visitors constantly amused.
New Buffalo, the first town over the Michigan-Indiana border
and the official starting point of Harbor Country, is situated
at the southernmost point of Lake Michigan, a body of water
that locals refer to simply as the Lake. It's enormous, like an
ocean, but without the scary sea monsters. There are no sharks, no
jellyfish. You don't emerge from it coated in salt and seaweed.
You can boat in it, swim in it, drink out of it and even fall in
love while walking beside it. It is, without question, the biggest
tourist draw in the region.
In Harbor Country, the beaches are windswept and buffeted
by dramatic sand dunes. The dunes are as big as small moun,
tains and deceptively inviting. First,time visitors often make the
mistake of running wildly up the side of a dune, madly antici,
paring the thrill of sliding down the sandy heaps. By the time
they're halfway up a steep dune, their pace slows to a labored
crawl. When they finally reach the peak, they sigh in exhaustion
before plodding down to the water.
The expansive public beach in New Buffalo is the perfect
place to dump unwelcome guests on a summer day. While you
sneak back home to take a nap, they can cavort in the waves,
which can be oceanlike in their ferocity; hitch a ride on one
of the yachts parked in the deep,water harbor; or take a walk
through downtown New Buffalo, which flanks the lakefront.
The downtown area is typical of a resort town, which is loosely
defined as a place that sports more restaurants, inflatable wa,
ter toys and fudge stores than year,round residents. The town
bustles to life in the summer, and has become a popular destina,
tion for celebrities looking for a quick escape from movie sets
in Chicago, which is only 60 miles away. Oprah Winfrey drew
a spotlight to the area when she began hopping on a helicopter
after taping her show and flying over the lake to one of her vaca,
tion homes. And don't make the same mistake Nicole Kidman
made when visiting the legendary ice cream parlor Oinks: Bring
cash. They don't accept credit cards.
Summer is the busiest social season in Harbor Country,
with hordes of city dwellers flocking to the area to enjoy the
requisite small,time charms of street festivals and fish boils, as
well as two big gay parties. Every summer, the Lambda Legal
Defense Fund hosts a swanky fundraiser, usually at one of the
mansions on the lakefront. Busloads of urban queers travel in
from the city for the weekend, and any business that doesn't
have a Jesus fish decal displayed in its window hangs a rainbow
flag over its doorway. In June, the Out and Affirmation Center
(OAC), the area's leading LGBT organization, holds the Lake
Effect Pride party, a colorful bash that proves you don't have to
live in the city to have a good time.
In 2007, the OAC made national headlines when the
group entered a float in the Miss Blossomtime Parade, one of
the most popular events in Harbor Country. Like many small
towns, Harbor Country communities take beauty pageants se,
riously, and all the local pageants lead up to the big event-the
crowning of Miss Blossomtime, and the patriotic parade held
in her honor. After the cheeky members of the OAC decided
to submit an application to enter a float in the parade, there was
a major uproar from a few local idiots. But the overwhelming
Above: The New Buffalo
Marina is the largest deep
water marina in Harbor
County. A public launch is
available for daytrippers.
Opposite page: Sand dunes
buffet all the beaches in
Harbor County.
curve 200a I33
HOW TO
GET THERE
New Buffalo is
situated on 1-94,
about 60 miles
from Chicago.
It's the first
town over the
Michigan-Indiana
border. Amtrak
has daily stops in
downtown New
Buffalo.
reaction was community acceptance. To show their support,
straight folks cheered loudly as the OAC float rolled down the
parade route and the high school established a Gay,Straight
Alliance. My hairdresser, Tim, who is deeply involved in the
local pageant scene and its backstage dramas, told me that the
OAC float controversy was the most exciting thing to happen
to the event since news broke that a former Miss Blossomtime
had come out as a lesbian and was shacked up with another
beauty queen.
Like most locals, I like it best when summer ends and the
cold winds that skip across the lake from Wisconsin blow the
summer people out of town. In autumn, the blustery beaches
become as uninhabitable as the surface of the moon. So, it's time
to move inland. Just a few miles south of the lake is Michigan's
wine region. The flat land gives way to a rolling, heavily forested
countryside that's home to dozens of vineyards. Most vineyards
are on a well,marked "wine trail;' making it easy for visitors to
Drive down any country road and you'll find hand,painted signs
welcoming you to work the fields for a small fee. Personally,
I prefer the easy pleasures of visiting the grocery store to the
backbreakingjob of plucking apples from a tree. And yet, thou,
sands of people se~m to enjoy it.
For those who prefer indoor activities, there is Four Winds
Casino, an enormous gambling den on the outskirts of New
Buffalo. Four Winds is so large that if it were set down in Las
Vegas, it would be the third,largest venue on the Strip. If you
spend an afternoon sampling the local varietals. Michigan spe,
cializes in crisp white wines and fruit,flavored liqueurs made
from the bountiful local harvests.
Michigan, in fact, is one of the nation's leading producers
of fruits and vegetables, and a top off,season tourist activity is
escape the casino without losing your shirt, you can shop the
multitude of boutiques and outlet malls in the area. Red Arrow
Highway, the main road that snakes through Harbor Country,
is dotted with art galleries and antique shops. In Three Oaks, a
quaint farm town that neighbors New Buffalo, a gay couple con,
verted an old corset factory into an art center and music venue.
The Acorn Theater features live music every weekend and an
LGBT dance party on Thursdays.
The area offers several spas and hotels, but the best value
is to book a privately owned beach cottage. You can find lodg,
ing on the New Buffalo Chamber of Commerce and Harbor
Country websites, or on vacation rentals by owner sites.
But, please, don't show up on my doorstep. I'm completely
the baffiing practice of picking your own fruit at local orchards.
booked. ■
HARBOR COUNTRY HIGHLIGHTS
Just a few of my favorite places in Harbor Country:
• Nowhere Bar and Grill: It's literally in the middle
of nowhere. You have to hunt for directional
signs the size of postage stamps in order to find
the place. But it's worth the trip. It has the seedy
ambience of a broken-down fishing cabin, but
it's got great food.
• The Vickers Theatre: A movie house in Three
Oaks that features two different art-house flicks
every week.
• The Acorn Theater: A gay-owned venue in
Three Oaks that features big-city performances
in an intimate setting.
• The Round Barn Winery: A local winery, the
Round Barn produces delicious whites, reds
and brandies, as well as beer and a fruit-based
vodka.
• Grand Mere State Park: The least crowded
and most beautiful beach in Harbor Country.
It offers miles of walking trails through forests
and dunes. And, best of all, it's one of the few
beaches that allows dogs.
• Sunset on the beach: I've long considered
sunsets to be overrated, but it's impossible not
to be impressed when that great ball of fire sinks
into Lake Michigan. Bring a few friends and a
picnic dinner and catch the spectacle nightly.
34
I curve
Only in San Franciscd
You'llhave so many new storiesto tell, you'll need proof.Findout what'snew in SFat onlyinsanfrancisco.com/gaytravel
IYiildt.111
Jill
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PHOTOS PROVIDED BY (TOP ROW) CASTRO: ALAN SO CHINAGATE GIRLS: GOLDEN GATE BUSINESS ASSOCIATION LOVE MOMS: DEBORAH O. LATTIMORE (MIDDLE ROW) COIT TOWER: ZACHARY BRUNS
SMILING WOMEN: DEBORAH 0. LATTIMORE FOLSOM WOMAN: FRAN KALERT (BOTTOM ROW) GOLDEN GATE BOYS: GOLDEN GATE BUSINESS ASSOCIATION HAIGHT LEGS: ALAN SO DYKES ON BIKES: R GERHARTER
ury
ay
Just 60 miles from New York City is this New Jersey resort town
gays reinvented. By Stephanie Schroeder
Sisters, if you want to visit-or live in-Asbury
Park, N.J.,
you're going to have to love your gay brothers. Or at least agree
to play nice on the boardwalk.
Walking on the beach or the boardwalk, dining at the queer,
owned restaurants, visiting the many local art galleries, dancing
and drinking at the clubs or catching a weekly queer,themed
film at the local theater, the crowds are always, always mixed.
Even the bowling leagues at Asbury Lanes are co,ed. There is no
separation between lesbians and gay men in Asbury.
"We all just get along and our community is thriving. You
come into Asbury and there are rainbow flags hanging out the
windows of hundreds of homes, and you just feel very welcomed;'
says Sharon Schiffman, a board member of the nomadic Jersey
Shore LGBT community center called the Qspot (jsqspot.org).
The organization is on the lookout for permanent housing and
was recently offered a swing space at a local Unitarian church in
Ocean Grove, another popular shore town.
Approximately 60 miles south of New York City and about
90 minutes north of Atlantic City, the mile,long Asbury Park
Boardwalk and accompanying beach is a big draw for lesbians
from north and central New Jersey, of course, but also from
0
36 Icurve
New York City and Philadelphia.
Will Elliott is an Asbury pioneer who, with his late partner
Joe D'Andrea, founded GayAsburyPark.com (a weekly e,guide
to all things Asbury Park). They came to Asbury in search of
affordable housing. That was in 2000, when the place was just
emerging from decades of neglect. The partners fell in love with
the place, bought a house and settled there. Elliott says once you
get hooked on Asbury you find a way to stay, whether it means
commuting daily or weekly to New York City or Philadelphia,
changing jobs or creating your own. Schiffman, for example, is
a technical writer who lives in Woodbury and commutes to her
girlfriend's place on the water in Asbury every weekend.
Long lingering in decay after the Depression, Asbury has
been re,creating itself since the turn of the millennium. With
an emerging arts scene, Asbury is experiencing an economic,
cultural and political revival.Lesbian and gay residents and other
new investors are leading the city's downtown revitalization.
Most of the dreary and dilapidated blocks overlooking the beach
and the boardwalk are slated for destruction or reconstruction.
The building that houses the Circuit, a popular gay hangout,
was purchased because of its value as waterfront property and
~w
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the club must find a new home.
Today, Asbury is a year-round community made
up of a diverse group of homeowners, as well as a
destination in the warmer months for queers of all
stripes. Fifth Avenue is where lesbians hang out
on the beach, according to Schifffman. Tourists
who flock to Asbury stay at the Empress (asburyempress.com), the Berkeley, the Asbury Inn or
the Oceanic. Bed-and-breakfasts can be found in
nearby Ocean Grove, including the Melrose Inn
(melroseog.com) and the Manchester (themanchesterinn.com).
The luxuriously refurbished Paramount
Theatre (asburyparkconventionhall.com) hosted
Ani Difranco in January and Elliott promises a
fabulous lineup this year. "I guarantee the spring
and summer schedule is jam-packed with fantastic
lesbian and gay performers;' he says.
Aside from the Circuit, the other local lesbian
and gay hangouts are Georgies, the "gay Cheers" of
Asbury, with a pool table, pinball machine and
karaoke; and Paradise (www.paradisenj.com),
a self-contained "compound" featuring a heated
pool, cheap drinks, drag bingo, theme parties and
other weekly specials and activities.
Carla Anderson, a Jersey City resident and
friend to the queer community, likes to spend
summer weekends at Paradise, sitting by the
• pool with a drink in her hand and chilling with
friends. "It's all happy and groovy there;' she says. A
popular hair stylist who owns Balance Hair Salon
(also home to the 18 Erie Art Gallery and World
of Style vintage clothing boutique), Anderson is
heartened by Asbury's real estate offerings. She
found a place she loves in nearby Neptune-a
three-bedroom Colonial near both the beach and
the train for $280,000. She is trying to figure out
WHILE IN ASBURY
• Try Chat & Nibble (932 Asbury
Ave.), a cozy cafe where you can
hang out all day long-even in your
bathing suit. It might look like a
dive, but the locals love it.
• A mere $28 will buy you an
application for a civil union at
Asbury Park City Hall.
• Check out the popular Jersey
Shore Roller Girls (jerseyshorerollergirls.net), representin' Ocean
and Monmouth counties.
• The Jersey Shore Writer's Studio
is a friendly, supportive environment
catering to aspiring theatre artists
and providing a creative home for
new works.
how she can afford the house and still manage to
keep her Jersey City business.
And if you get the bug and decide to come to
town with a U-Haul? Affordable homes are still
available in Asbury and the surrounding beach
communities. Seniors who have raised families
and are retiring and Boomers who are also emptynesters are packing up, selling and moving south. That opens up a completely
new market for lesbians interested in
owning in the area. Indeed, there
are also super-luxe condos going up
along the waterfront: The Esperanza
(esperanzaasburypark.com)
and
Wesley Grove (wesleygroveasbury.
com) are both selling one-bedrooms
starting at just under $500,000 while
Paramount's North Beach project
boasts approximately 160 units in
three buildings: the four-story Seville,
the eight-story Barcelona and the
eight-story Monterey. Prices at each of
these properties range from $500,000
to well over $1 million.
Things are always popping in
Asbury. Whether it's bar hopping or clubbing,
dining at the many upscale restaurants on the
boardwalk-Schiffman
particularly recommends
Moonstruck
(moonstrucknj.com)-watching
gay-themed movies at the retro movie house in
Bradley Beach just 10 minutes away, or shopping
at the local boutiques on Cookman Ave., you'll
never run out of activities, no matter what the
season. ■
May 2008
I37
Going to Pride
Hitting four of the 10 largest parades this summer? Take this cheat sheet with you.
Chicago • June 28-29
Chicago offers a slew of fun things to do during
those times you're not decked out in rainbow
attire and gallivanting about Boystown. Teeter
along the brink of Lake Michigan on a tandem, discover the city's architectural history on
a ChicagoArchitecture
Foundation
river cruise
(architecture.org), find yourself nose to nose with
an Amazonian monster at the SheddAquarium,
or play Funhouse mirrors with your reflection in
the shiny, silver "Cloud Gate'' sculpture known as
"the Bean'' in Millennium
Park.But if you're going
for Pride, you'll need to know these things. - Aeja
Mulholland
big Pride weekend, check out some of the women's
nights at Circuit,home to ChicMix parties, occasional drag king shows and monthly Girl Bar events.
New York City • June 28-29
New York Pride is one-of-a-kind, but the crowds,
cost and heat can make you wish you were home
watching Top Chef reruns. Go to events early, take a
break from the most homo-infested 'hoods during
the thick of the action and try these nifty secrets.
Check out curvemag.com for more Pride N.Y.
-Stephanie Schroeder
TheNewYorkPubliclibraryHumanities
andSocial
Sciences
libraryis great for viewing Sunday's pa-
WHERE
TOSTAY:To be close to the Pride action
in Boystown, book a room at the Majesticor City
SuitesHotel,both members of the lesbian favorite
rade. You'll see the drag queens early, before their
make-up has melted in the heat, and you'll be
able to find shade and places to eat and drink that
aren't overcrowded.
Neighborhood Inns of Chicago. Another convenient Boystown option is the elegant Hawthorne
TerraceBestWestern,a handy address for shopping, dining and nightlife just blocks from Lake
Michigan and Wrigley Field. For a distinctive
San Diego • July 19-20
San Diego LGBT Pride is the seventh largest in
the country-attracting
more than 150,000 spectators to the parade and 50,000 to the weekend
festival. If you're ready to join the festivities, here's
a list of several other destinations within the gayborhood that would be worth checking out while
you're in town.-Margie M. Palmer
address for you and the pooch, opt for one of the
trio of pet-friendly KimptonHotelsdowntown,
boutique properties with character. To really impress
your date, HotelBurnham
is the most dramatic of
the three.
WHERE
TOEAT:
If you're craving spicy south-of-theborder flavors, downtown's tastiest destination is
FronteraGrill.Longstanding gayborhood favorite
Kit Katloungeis the place to tuck into elaborate
salads, steaks and frou frou drinks while you catch
the nightly drag queen shows. If you've had your
fill of Boystown, saunter north to Andersonville,
Chicago's lesbian neighborhood. For a familyfriendly menu, sashay into Hamburger
Mary'sand
feast on its enormous burgers. M. Henryis the perfect place to indulge in a decadent brunch, including tasty vegan and vegetarian options. Lesbianowned Tweetserves up down-home brunch to
local lesbians and their boi friends.
WHERETO PLAY:The girls usually outnumber
the boys in the intimate Boystown video den The
Closet.
For a night on the prowl, make your way to
Andersonville's Stargaze.
For laid-back drinks with
the locals, check out lesbian-owned BigChicksin
Andersonville. If you're in town before or after the
38
Icurve
lesbionic place in Manhattan for post-Pride partying. RaptureCafeand Booksis a good choice
for hanging out and meeting people, especially
during the day. They have free Wi-Fi, fair trade
coffee and usually at least one queen behind the
counter singing show tunes. The NewYorkDyke
March,the required event for meeting, well, dykes
in all manner of dress and undress. BryantParkis
handy if you need to use the bathroom while waiting for the rest of your pussy posse to show up for
the Dyke March. The facilities are worth a peek
even if nature's not calling; it's the most beautiful
public bathroom in the entire city. Dried flowers,
anyone? Also known as the "library with the lions;'
WHERE
TOSTAY:
Lesbian-owned, women-friendly
East Village B&B (evbandb@juno.com) in the
Village is affordable and adorable. If you are looking for an all-out-luxury and gay-friendly experience, the SoHoGrandHotelis the place to go. Don't
laugh, but with NYC in June as pricey as it is, the
HyattRegencyJerseyCity offers more bang for
your buck. Only minutes from the action.
WHERE
TOSTAY:
If you want to be dose to everything but don't want to be in the middle of the party,
the Lafayette
HotelandSuitesmay be just the hotel
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
WHERE
TOEAT:S'MACis not, as the name implies,
a BDSM club. It's a macaroni and cheese-only
theme restaurant. Very tasty, but leave your vegan
ex back at the hotel. The Tini Wine Bar Cafein
Brooklyn is worth the trip if you've got a sweetie
(or a sweetie for the weekend) you want to impress with your sense of romance. After dinner,
stroll down Van Brunt Street and watch the sun
set over the Verrazano Bridge and the Statue of
Liberty.
WHERETO PLAY:HenriettaHudsonis the most
you're looking for. ParkManorSuitesis good for
people who are willing to spend a little more money
on a room, are traveling in a group and want to be
within crawling distance of the festival.
WHERE
TOEAT:
LeiLounge
is hip, swank and decorated with a tropical island flare. The menu predominantly consists of tapas and specialty drinks,
as t his restaurant caters to a more sophisticated
cc
w
~
::J
~
::.::
u
cn
~-
par1oice
:ially
rrade
l the
~yke
tykes
rkis
vaitfor
eek
tiful
rers,
ms;'
crowd. Would-be diners might remember Urban
Mo'sBarandGrillas the bar formerly known as
Hamburger Mary's. The name has changed, but
many things remain the same. Urban Mo's is
more the place to go if you're craving a burger and
a stiff drink. BajaBetty'sis owned by the same
restaurateur who owns Urban Mo's, but it turns
the party down a notch. It serves restaurant-style
Mexican food in a fun, upbeat environment. If
you're looking for the place that serves the best
breakfast in town, look no farther. CrestCafeis
perfect for those craving good ol' fashioned diner
food. If you want to grab a quick sandwich but
crave something of higher quality than what's offered by a corporate chain, BreadandCie,which
makes all its breads from scratch daily, is where
you want to go.
WHERE
TO PLAY:The girls will be flocking to
Numbers
on Friday night. Keep in mind that San
,cial
Diego doesn't have a dedicated lesbian bar, so
paheir
although this is the place to kick off Pride weekend, the party the following night will take place
directly across the street at TheFlame.A bar that
doesn't feel like it, Bourbon
Streethas two indoor
rooms, a second-floor game room and an enormous outside patio. This is a mixed bar but the
girls typically rule the venue on Fridays until llp.m.
and Sundays most of the day.
I be
hat
tin
>ecnd
re's
gay Pride women's host hotel this year.
From tea service to cultural services (sake tasting)
to the hot in-house restaurant O (an American
CURVE
take on the classic Japanese Izakaya house),
Kabuki has it all and an incredible queer-friendly
communal bath (with women-only Sundays,
Wednesdays and Fridays).
WANTTO PRETEND
YOU'RE
ILENECHAIKEN:
At
Outbyowner.com,
the LGBT-friendly, DIY-travel
website, you can find an amazing house atop Twin
Peaks with floor-to-ceiling windows, views of the
city, bridges and bays, fireplaces and a Jacuzzi tub
built for two. You'll never want to leave.
WANTTOREALLY
PLAY:
HotelTornois a funky little hotel with anime murals and awesome gaming
rooms replete with PlayStation 3, Wii, bean bag
chairs and 6-foot LCD projection screens.
WANTTOBETREATED
LIKEA ROCK
STAR?:
With
panoramic views from all its rooms, chic XYZ
Lounge
andBlissSpa(try the movie-and-manicure
stations!), the Woffers the full rock-star treatment.
The four-star Westinis sleek and cosmopolitan
(perfect for 24/7 activity) and the artsy Galleria
Parkoffers a private half-acre urban park-on the
3rd floor of the hotel-with stunning city views.
WANTTOGOGREEN:
The OrchardGardenHotel
San Francisco • June 28-29
It's the grandmother of gay Prides, the biggest and,
by some accounts, the best. In this town there's a
place for every budget. But you'll want to make
reservations now. -Diane Anderson-Minshall
ayile
is California's first truly green hotel and what an
amazing one it is. The hotel has an ecofriendly,
Euro-style keycard energy control system and
doesn't skimp on luxury (LCD with DVD), surprises (a huge balcony patio) or location (right at
the gates of Chinatown).
ry-
WHERE
TOSTAYIF YOUAREONA BUDGET:
At
ElementsHotel,a rare boutique hostel, you can
WANT
TOSTAY
WETALLWEEKEND:
TheHandlery
otel
sleep above and next to two of the city's hottest
restauraunts for as low as $29. Enjoy cocktails
and a 360-degree view of the city on the sky terrace and free breakfast at attached lesbian hotspot
is steps from Pride and has a great little heated
pool, while in the quieter Marina district, the kidfriendly HotelDelSolfeels like SoCal (think palm
trees and sparkling water).
Medjool.
WANTTOPARTY
WITHTHECURVE
GIRLS:
There's
little wonder why the KabukiHotelis the official
, or
iey
be
cc
m-
re-
UJ
(!)
a:
::::)
!Q.
::.::
0
~s, 0
1ed ~
WANTTOSEEPRIDE
FROMYOUR
WINDOW:
With
a $30-million renovation in the works, Pare55 is
looking sexy and modern (plasmas, built-in charger docks, etc.) and has private "workout" themed
rooms aimed at girljocks like us. Parc's Pride package offers awesome balcony rooms that look out
over Market Street's parade route-and partial
proceeds go to charity. Meanwhile, the landmark
RenoirHoteloffers a view of pride from its renovated, Euro-style, tum-of-the-century rooms. ■
) Goto curvemag.comfor our nrfty guides to v1s1ting
SF and NYCwithout drarnrngyour bank account.
May
2ooaj 39
The L Word did a great Job dealing with "Don't Ask, Don't
Tell" In a humane way. Talk to me about your research.
I had spoken with probably around 10 different soldiers and
just listened to their stories, and they all were so different.
Some people were relieved to be removed from the military
and others still wanted to fight it out. Many felt betrayed
and ... basically abandoned because they fought so hard and
then were under review for something like, so simple as sexual orientation. But all the women, they were just so strong,
and I definitely commend them for just even being out there
and fighting for our country, especially in this state that our
country's in right now today.
Do you have newfound respect for military women?
Oh absolutely. One hundred percent. To this day there are
women who approach me and show me their military badge.
They're just really proud. And I just feel honored that I can
even represent them in any way, shape or form. I'm just one
little voice on such a small scale, and I just feel so honored
because I have so much respect for them.
How do they feel about your character?
They love it. And I'm so relieved because it's such a serious
issue, and I was definitely intimidated. I just wanted to make
... them proud.
I was shocked to read that up to $363 million has been
spent training replacements for the almost 10,000
people who've been discharged in essentially the last
decade.
Wow, huge number.
Is our next president going to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't
Tell?"
Absolutely. I think the policy kind of backfired. I absolutely
think when Barack is president [laughs]there'll definitely be
a lot of changes. I have a strong feeling about that.
So you're a Barack Obama supporter?
Oh, yeah. Definitely.
I think It's amazing we're at this point where we're choosing between an African American man and a white
woman as the Democratic candidate.
Yeah, exactly. Who would have thought that it would be in our
generation? I've noticed that there are just so many more
people out there now that are voting for Democrat. [0 bama]
won Mississippi last night and I guess there were 400,000
people who voted for Democrats and 130,000 voted for
Republicans. There's definitely going to be a Democrat in
the office.
Do you think that has a lot to do with the war in Iraq?
Yeah, absolutely. I think people are ready for the troops to come
home. I think we don't even know at this point what we're
fighting for. But so ma~y more of our people are dying. And
for what? I feel like we can't even trust who's representing us
right now. We don't even know [President Bush's] truth.
This season you actually got to play off Kelly McGillis,
who I thought had a really great role as your military
prosecutor. In the '80s when Top Gun was out I don't
think there was a lesbian alive who didn't fall in love
with Kelly McGillis.
[Laughs.]Yeah, definitely. She's really on top of her stuff, and we
had a great rapport. She's very serious about her role ... she
had a smaller arc, but she took it very seriously. It's great to
work with her.
So in the end do you feel Tasha chose love over duty?
I think there were more variables involved, but, at the end of
the day, yeah, I do. But I don't want anyone to think that
she chose Alice over her career. There's a difference. I think
she finally realized what it is she was initially fighting for.
Just kind oflike the war going on now. In the beginning, yes,
we were fighting for this. But now, what am I really fighting for? I've come to a crossroads and now I'm having to lie
about who I am and it's just getting too ugly and-you know
what-if they don't want me, I don't want them. And I want
to continue my life and maybe choose another path as to
where I can be happy and also be proud of who I am and not
have to hide any longer. I think my character was just tired
of hiding. Tired of denying her life and everything about her.
It was hard.
It's amazing people do manage to do that for decades,
because that seems so psychologically difficult to do.
Yeah, even preparing for it is. Especially when you're simultaneously just a proud individual; you stick to your morals, but
then having to hide who you are totally contradicts everything you stand for.
So it sounds like you would have come to the same
decision Tasha did?
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
Tasha is more reserved than the other characters on the
show. Are you the strong silent type off-screen as well?
Um, no. [Laughs.]I feel like I'm changing. I'm turning 30 next
month and ... I'm seeing a difference in mysel£ I definitely
like to have fun.
Do you get the overwhelming crush of fans that the
other actors on the show already have?
Well, I definitely do get my fair share. When I go to ... the Abby
in L.A. ~r ... to gay establishments, then it's overwhelming.
Like whoa, OK. [Laughs.]But day-to-day life, every once in
a while someone will just say,"I really love you on the show"
42
Icurve
you or were you kind of a tomboy as a kid?
I still am a tomboy! In my everyday life, I'm a lot more feminine,
but I'm definitely a tomboy at heart. And I was able to access
that side of me very easily. I was raised with five brothers so
I definitely had to fend for mysel£ It's kind of my comfort
zone. I didn't want to fall into the trap of trying to be a butch
if that is not who I essentially am. I think that that would
come across as disingenuous. So, I wasn't even trying to be
a butch. I was just bringing what I knew ... to this character
without trying to be someone who I'm not.
That's the authenticity fans felt. It's not an act. You don't
need like, a fake mustache to play butch.
[Laughs.]In one of the episodes that recently aired I read somewhere,"Oh Tasha runs like a girl:' And I'm like, Oh no! I forgot. I still feel like there's so much of myself in this character
that OK, maybe they caught me running like how I would
normally run. In some cases you definitely have to butch it
up a little. It was so embarrassing, I felt like I was caught
with my pants down. [Laughs.]
Tasha is from a very different world than Alice, not just
in that she's a patriotic supporter of the military but
probably in her class and cultural background as well.
and I definitely appreciate that. But I don't think I'm any
comparison with Shane or Kate.
You don't have to worry about paparazzi outside your
house every morning.
[Laughs.]No, not at all. And that's still good. Something bothered me though ... I'm visiting my grandmother here in
Sacramento [Calif.] right now, so yesterday we were at the
airport. I was with my little brother and my grandmother
is in the hospital, I wasn't feeling too well, and there were
two women who I had noticed, and they definitely recognized me, and I never have a problem with anyone asking,
"May I take a picture?" That's fine. But I got really annoyed
because then I went to meet my mother, and we were across
the street, and I just see them snapping pictures across the
street, and I just feel like that's just so invasive and rude. I
got really pissed and I'm like, "Oh, my God, I don't want to
turn into one of those people:' I just really felt like, OK let's
move, so ... I got out of sight of them. You know, that's when
it becomes a little overwhelming, but overall I'm so appreciative. That just means I'm doing my job well and I appreciate
anyone that acknowledges me.
A lot of lesbians think that Tasha was the most authentically butch character on the show. Was that difficult for
44
I curve
How much back story did you give Tasha?
In the beginning, they didn't know where they were going with
my character. Initially, I was supposed to play basketball. I
definitely didn't want to make her stereotypical at all. I did
give her a certain level of respect that I felt I always wanted
to make sure she worked to attain and maintain.
One thing that The L Word hasn't touched on enough is
the sizeable African American lesbian community that's
not always represented in white lesbian culture.
Yeah, I was talking to Angela Robinson, because you know she's
a black lesbian, obviously, and I was talking to her about
that. I went to Atlanta for Gay Pride and I did notice there's
this huge, huge, black lesbian population that is definitely
not getting touched on at all on The L Word. I brought that
back to Angela and talked to her about that and ... the next
week it was in the script. [I'm saying] "Oh yeah, it's a black
club downtown, you don't know anything about that" and
Alice is like, "Oh, I thought I knew all the lesbian clubs:'
One thing I love about Tasha that maybe gets overlooked
because there's so much talk about this being a lesbian
show but really she doesn't fall into any stereotypes TV
offers up for African American women on-screen.
That is also something that I'm very aware 0£ I kind of had
to modify some situations. I'm very aware of not allowing
her to fall into any stereotypes. Even for my introduction
on the show there was a time when I was coming across as
so angry... it's a very fine line. Yeah, I have some shit going
on. I have a right to be angry without it being stereotypical,
but you just have to be careful. And then I also wanted to
be specific about the fact that anytime a friend of mine was
introduced, he or she was black ... it just doesn't make sense
that I'm with a white woman, and I'm so comfortable being
with a white woman, but yet my entire world is black, you
know? Let's just bring a little more diversity, so that there
aren't so many color lines. That's definitely an issue. And
Ilene [Chaiken] ... didn't even realize it. "She's like, oh actu-
ally you're right. I didn't even think about it:' And it's never
been a problem, but I'm always aware of that.
Next year's going to be the last season for The L Word.
I just spoke to Ilene a few days ago and she just said, "Well, any,
thing goes:' And it's like, uh oh! [Laughs.]
Could be a bumpy ride. What would you like for Tasha?
I'd like her to find her own identity outside of the war and out,
side of her relationship. I would definitely like for people to
get to know her a little better, because I still feel like there's a
lot of ambiguity surrounding her.
Love it or hate it, The L Word has offered a common
language that the lesbian community speaks with now.
Do you think the impact it has on the lesbian community
will live on after the series ends next year?
Yeah, I definitely think people will still watch it. I think it's al,
ready going into syndication. The people who love the show,
love the show. It's a cult classic.
It was certainly groundbreaking, a show almost entirely
about queer girls. Will we see that again on TV?
I think we will, but at this point it won't be as original as The L
Word was. But I think they have to. The girls need a voice!
Have your eyes been opened by The L Word?
Not really. I'm a pretty open person in general, and I was also
really into TheL Word before I got the role. I watched every
episode. It's one of my favorite shows. I definitely gained a
lot. I got the opportunity to work with such talented women
and I made a few friends. We have so much fun in Vancouver
SPONSORED
IN PARTBY:
[British Columbia]. We kind of act like we're away at camp.
Will there be a movie, like Sex and the City?
We all joke about the possibility sometimes. You never know.
The show has a very strong fan base, so they might write
into Showtime and harass them until it happens. [Laughs.]
But Sex and the City (gets J four or five girls together after
a few years but with (The L Word] it's getting 12 women
together.
The West Wing was your first little break.
Yeah. It was a very small role. It was nothing in comparison to
this role.
When did you think, Oh, this is my break?
Never. [Laughs.] I feel like you never really get a break; you
can never call it your break until you can actually support
yourself as an actor. And with this show, it's been the first
time I've been able to support myself and live comfortably
through acting. That's a break. I'm not trying to become a
star; I just want to live a comfortable lifestyle doing what it
is that I love to do. That's it. I'm in heaven.
Does acting still terrify you?
Oh my God, yes. Every single moment, every time I step out
there, and even when I go back to shoot the next season, the
first day I'm gonna probably pass out. It never gets easier,
even though I know Tasha so well at this point.
Fast-forward one year and the show is just ending.
I'll be 30 and I'm ready for this decade. I'm excited; it's a whole
new chapter in my life. ■
-
A.DELTA
May 2008 j 45
*
DECISION 2008
is turningout to be a
wild and bumpy ride in
Why I Want Hillary
Let's put her in the Oval Office. By KristinA. Smith
whichtwo Democratic
candidates-HillaryClinton
and BarackObama-are
changingthe landscape
of Americanpolitics(as
well as makinghistory);
the gay-friendliest
politician,
long-shotcandidateOhio
CongressmanDennis
Kucinich,dropped out
but stillhas supportfrom
queer iconslike Melissa
Etheridge;and Republican
nomineeJohn McCain is
taking heat from his own
·partyfor beingtoo gayfriendly(he ralliedagainst
the federalanti-marriage
amendmenttwice) and
not conservativeenough.
What's a lesbianvoter
to do? CuRvEhas the
answers-or at least more
questionsfrom women
with a diversearray of
opinionson an election
that provesto be anything
but boring.
46
Icurve
On the night of the California primary, we all
huddled around the TV at Hillary Clinton's headquarters in San Francisco. The batteries in our cell
phones were dead and our voices were weak from
making hours of phone calls, but there was still an
energy in the air.
It wasn't the same energy that the media picks
up on at Barack Obama rallies-we were not tearing
down posters, standing on chairs or acting like
fans at a rock concert. It was a more refined energy,
quiet but palpable-the kind of energy that a great
teacher can inspire in a classroom of dedicated
students. And we were ready to learn.
We watched as Clinton gave her victory speech
on the win in California. Among the diverse group
stood a woman of my mother's age. When Clinton
said she wanted to acknowledge her own mother,
who grew up in a time when women were not
allowed to vote and was now watching her daughter
run for president, this woman began to cry.
It was the kind of cry
that comes at the end of a
long fight-an exhausted
and relieved cry, like you'd
have if you won a boxing match with one hand
tied behind your back.
This was what she had
been waiting 30 years for.
This woman was the embodi·ment of the women's
movement. And there on
the screen was a leader of the same movement.
Clinton is, and for many years has been, a
champion of women's rights. At the 1995 U.N.
World Conference on Women, she criticized
the international community for allowing the
pervasive abuse of women, saying that it is the
duty of "all governments-here
and around the
world-( to] accept their responsibility" in protecting women's rights. She went on to say that "it
is no longer acceptable to discuss women's rights
as separate from human rights:' This refrain was
repeated throughout the speech. The rousing rhetoric and impassioned delivery of the speech is a reminder that beneath the much derided pantsuits,
Clinton is a passionate fighter, willing to take on
the establishment.
Within the political arena, Clinton has proven
herself the consummate multitasker-graciously moving between her roles of wife, mother and
politician. She redefined the role of bureaucratic
first lady and reminded us that a president's wife
can do more than redecorate the Oval Office; she
can run it. In the face of Bill's affair, she maintained
her dignity and made her own name in politics.
As a mother, she raised a beautiful and intelligent
young woman. And as a New York senator, she was
easilyre-elected to a second term.
As a presidential candidate, Clinton has undergone abrasive attacks from both sides. We ask her
to be tough enough to play with the big boys, and
when she is, we chide her for lacking femininity.
When she cries, we say she is too emotional-and
when she doesn't, she's too cold. Most recently, we
accepted the notion that she is "too ambitious" to
be president. She is not running for president of
the PT A, she is running for
president of the United States
of America.
In fact, the very adjective
that is used to dismissClinton
as unelectable is used to support Obama's candidacy.What
could be more ambitious than
running for president with little
to no foreign policy experience?
Obama is seen as a"fresh face"
in politics. If he were a woman,
he would be seen as inexperienced. I will gladly
vote for Obama in eight years, but he needs time
to prove his leadership. Give Obama time to hone
his skills. Don't let the election be a reflection of
the workplace-don't let a less qualified man take
the position from a more qualified woman.
We need a president who knows how to clean
up the mess of the last eight years. We need a
president who can act on day one. We need a
president who knows foreign policy and how to
navigate the system. Our time needs to be spent
ending the war in Iraq, reducing our national debt,
resuscitating our education system, instating
national healthcare and reclaiming our country.
And Hillary is the woman to do it all. ■
I'm Backing Obama
It's time to have hope again. By Jonanna Widner
I live in Dallas, just a short drive away from the
ghostly intersection on the edge of downtown
where John F. Kennedy was assassinated. In
fact, in the course of traversing life in my neighborhood, I often end up driving down the exact
route of the fateful Kennedy motorcade: north
on Houston, west several yards down Elm, under
the triple overpass. It's a route I take almost daily,
usually on some mundane errand such as picking
up a gallon of milk.
It is a surreal and chilling few seconds, heading
to the grocery store along the same street where a
violent act sent our country swerving so hard to
the right. It's all there: the depository, its beautiful
red bricks stark against a blue Texas sky.The grassy
knoll, flanked by a now-rotting wooden fence. The
underpass, just as you've seen it a hundred times
in movies, documentaries and the Zapruder film,
right after Jackie Kennedy jumped to the back of
the car to grab her husband's skull.
As dramatically seared into our nation's collective memory as those images are, they are not
the most disturbing parts of the drive. The spinetraversing chills and lumpy throat are reservedon my part, at least-for two simple white X's
painted on the street. The X's mark the exact spots
where two bullets tore into Kennedy's neck and
brain, killing him.
Those X's are why I'm voting for Barack
Obama.
See, those X's do not just mark a gruesome bit
of history. Ghoulish as they are, they pinpoint the
exact moment when we as a nation made a wrong
turn, from dreamy aspirations to nightmarish cynicism, from confidence to fear, from envisioning a
bright future to struggling day-to-day. After the
X's, before Obama, it felt like we were stuck, slaves
to the cynical inertia triggered by that November
day. But since Obama, a certain word has returned
from exile and is back in the political lexicon:
hope.
It's a curious and rather beautiful paradox
that in some ways Obama's rise would have been
much more difficult had it not been for Kennedy's
assassination. While he was alive, Kennedy's ambitious civil rights legislation faced an uncertain
journey through Congress, but after his death,
Lyndon Johnson strong-armed it into law, as a
tribute to Kennedy's legacy.
And so Obama finds himself an heir-in many
ways-to the fiery fight for social justice begun by
many and embodied by Kennedy. And Obama
doesn't disappoint: LGBT issues, women's issues,
racial issues, class issues-these are things most
politicians avoid as if they were not problems but
porcupines. These politicos are afraid-afraid
of appearing "too liberal;' afraid that bringing up
uncomfortable subjects will just prove to be too
alienating.
Taking on these topics is Obama's gift,however,
and it was Kennedy's too. Obama is fearless in
his honest, driving, direct approach. Sans drama,
with compassion and eloquence, he drags these
issues from musty closets and, well, outs them.
Take his Jan. 20, 2008 comments to a primarily
African American audience in Atlanta: "[I]f we are
honest with ourselves;' he said, "we must admit
that none of our hands are entirely clean ... We
have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead
of embracing them:•
Think of the naked honesty there: Have you
ever heard a politician take on the tricky confluence
of civil rights, race and LGBT issues? Have you
ever heard a politician call out his own base and
challenge them to do better in such a way? Have
you ever heard a politician call gay people brothers
and sisters?
And then, of course, there is the eloquence. I
don't consider myself a Christian, but the Obama
campaign's religious undertones are undeniable,
and undeniably appealing. Obama's podium often
seems more like a pulpit. With his cadences and
intense-but-personable eloquence, he preaches
his gospel of political resurrection: the rebirth
of hope-the type of hope last embodied in the
Kennedy White House. This is the type of hope
that, at my age, I have never encountered. This is
the type of hope that, sadly, does not come along
every day in American politics. And this is the
type of hope that has led me to believe in certain
forms of resurrection myself: the rebuilding of
New Orleans, the resurgence of social justice, the
recasting of fear from a manipulative tool into an
opportunity for change. This last one is Obama's
promise, and it reminds me of those X's on Elm
Street. Because if you look at an X the right way,
it is not an X at all, but an intersection, a crossroads. Maybe this time we'll choose the right
direction. ■
May 2008 j 47
What If I Don't Like Anyone?
Why this conservative lesbian can't find a candidate to love. By Tammy Bruce
How I identify may
sound like a contradiction,
but it's really not. I want
government to be small
and unobtrusive. Whenever
government gets big, that
means it's interfering in our
lives, and that's never been a
I'm a pro-choice lesbian feminist. I'm also an independent conservative and have grown increasingly
frustrated with all the candidates for president. I
have never voted for a candidate because of the
letter after the name, and I still have not made a
decision about whom I will vote for in November.
For the first time in a presidential race I am not
only not excited about a candidate, I am extremely
concerned about all their agendas.
good thing for gays, whose
freedom and independence
rely in large part on the
majority leaving us alone. A
main problem is how conservatism is viewed-which
is that it has been attached
to religious politics for too
long. Independent conservatives stand for principles at the heart of what's
important to minorities and women, recognize the
importance of faith in making this nation great, yet
understand it is not the government's business to
become the morality police.
As a feminist, I also want women to be free
to make the choices that best suit them, and the
only way were able to do that is to be financially
independent. When you rely on a check from
a lover, your family, a spouse or the government,
you are never truly free. Small government means
fewer "programs" and bureaucrats to interfere with
our lives. It also requires less money to run, which
means taxes are lower, we keep the fruits of our labor
and we are more in control of our lives.
I remember the days of working on the 1992
Bill Clinton, Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer
campaigns. It was indeed much more romantic
and fulfilling to have a cause, to be excited and
invested in a candidate. I could argue that it's
heartbreaking to be old enough to see people like
the Clintons for who they really are, but it also
means we are less likely to be, as Melissa Etheridge
put it, "thrown under the bus" by people who claim
to be our champions.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, while I'm
excited about what their candidacies represent,
are both running on the Jimmy Carter Platform
of Disaster. They pledge to raise our taxes, make
government monstrous in size, surrender to the
enemy and confiscate oil company profits-the
same profits from publicly held companies that
fund dividend checks to middle-class Americans.
Ironically, Clinton and Obama rail against big
corporations and yet their platforms are based on
The To 10 Reasons to Still Vote for Huckabee
~ I absolutely adore his last name ...makes
me·think of picking wild huckleberries in
the mountains of Montana.
0 He was the only candidate who really
understood there is no way a woman's
body descended from apes. We are clearly
the product of intelligent design.
C, Of the four major candidates in the
primaries for both parties, one was a
woman, one was an African American and
one was a (very) senior citizen...Mike was
the only "regular'' guy up there.
& We can be absolutely positive that he
would be 100 percent dedicated to his
work (because there is no pretty girl off
________________________________________________
48lcurve
on the sidelines who'd ever want to share
a pizza with him).
the Constitution and meld our government
with the church. Ya gotta love that nerve!
0 I was looking for a good reason to
give my mom for why I want to move to
Canada.
8 Hey, I'm a writer, and Mike has an
amazing knack for metaphors and an
impressive imagination (comparing his
weight loss to that of a Nazi concentration camp survivor, suggesting Mormons
believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers, and illustrating how marriage between
two loving people of the same sex will lead
to bestiality, just ~o name a very few).
0 Even if I don't make it to Canada, I
could really use some time away from it
all, and Mike's gone on record saying he
thinks some of us, especially those with
HIV/AIDS, should be separated from the
rest of society.
:.::
()
O He won in Iowa, and I love corn.
And the number one reason Huckabee
got my vote:
O Who doesn't adore a revolutionary?
O He's darn near almost as good as my
~
I mean, this guy was actually going to
attempt to change the entire basis of
all-time most favorite candidate, David
Duke. -Sheryl Kay
..;.____________
~
~
w
0
it
0
Cl
w
___.c,
a:
Well, I'm sure that there are jobs I haven't gotten be,
cause I'm gay.It's like working in any workplace.
There are assholes everywhere. I think what is
different, as a pseudo,public figure in the media,
continuing the Bush adminstration's obsession
with making the U.S. government the biggest
corporation of them all. With corrupt bureau,
cratic failures like Social Security and FEMA
already in place, why we would willingly hand
over our healthcare to the federal government
is beyond me, but Democrats, and many others,
cheer that, too.
Today's Republicans are no different. Like the
religious liberal President George W. Bush, John
McCain panders to the religious community by
declaring himself"pro,life." Apparently that's code
to people of faith, somehow proving he's a conser,
vative.People aren't buying it. To his credit, he did
vote against Bush's ridiculous prescription drug
care program, with a cost that is still unknown
but estimated to be in the tens of trillions of
dollars. He also said that he's against entitle,
ments and earmarks in legislation-that little perk
legislators employ to insert pet programs into
unrelated legislation, using our tax dollars
for bridges to nowhere or, in Clinton's case, a
$1 million request for a Woodstock museum.
I think we can all agree that more
computers, books and other improvements for
our local schools should trump an homage to
hippies from the 1960s.
Despite his votes against certain silly and
outrageous spending, McCain also voted
against the one conservative thing Bush has put
forward-the tax cuts. He also refuses to pledge
not to raise taxes in the future. That is not a good
sign, and while it may seem like a boring issue,
this is the best indicator of whether a candidate
thinks government should control our lives or let
us live them on our own terms.
Would I rather be excited about a
candidate? Of course. But I also know there is
now too much at stake not to admit that allthe pre,
tenders to the White House-no
matter what
<
(.)
they
say,
regardless
of
their
spins-are
really all
a:
w
the same. They all have lost the sense of what our
~
<
a:
Founding Fathers were committed to-a small
<(
u..
government that exists to facilitate the freedom
0
>m of the people by staying out of our lives.
li:
In November, I just may write in "George
::J
0
(.)
Washington:' Or better yet, ''.AbigailAdams:' ■
putting myself out there and being out, is that it
is the first refuge of scoundrels for attacks, that
if I weren't gay,[it] would be about me being ugly.
I£ for example, a clip of me on television ends
up on a website, the pro comments on me are
going to be really sweet, but the anti comments
are going to be 'That fucking dyke." So rather
than say "Well, I really disagree with her posi,
tion on Mitt Romney and what he did;' [it's]
'That dyke, I can't believe that she thinks she's
Fresh Air
We've got a crush on Air America
Radio'slesbianpoliticalanalyst,
Rachel Maddow.
For a dose of political commentary, straight
women have wavy,haired Tucker Carlson,
conservatives have that blond half,wit, gay
men have Anderson Cooper and we gals have
Rachel Maddow. With her relentless lefty
talk on The Rachel Maddow Show and enough
charm to give Barack Obama a run for his
money, she verbally jousts with the toughest
Republican pundit and walks away unscathed.
Maddow's path to politics has been a long
one. The 34,year,old San Francisco Bay Area na,
tive was the first openly gay American Rhodes
Scholar, landed in broadcast journalism on a bet,
says that her interests outside politics are drinking
and reading comic books and will admit that Pat
Buchanan is a nice guy outside the political realm.
She tackles tough issues and earns respect for
lesbian politicos along the way. - ColleenM. Lee
What drew you to political commentary?
I went to Stanford and did not enjoy myself One of
the ways that I found my purpose. ..in an environ,
ment where I didn't feel very welcome was to get
involvedin activism.I had become pretty involved
with ACT UP.
Your interest is in AIDS activism and prison
reform. As an out lesbian, why not choose
the women's rights route?
I get all sorts of credit for working on lesbian
issues or women's issues and even gay rights
issues, none of which I do. People assume
that's what I do because of who I am. Most
think that my doctoral thesis was on women
in prison and it wasn't at all [laughs].When I
graduated, the head of my department stood
up and thanked me for my work on women's
rights and I didn't do that at all. It's weird.
Have you encountered any backlash, being
even qualified to talk about an upstanding man
like Mitt Romney:' It shapes the character of the
personal attacks.
Do you have respect for any of the Republican
pundits?
There is very little personal yada,yada that goes
with the pundit world. Maybe other people get
invited to parties.
You don't?
No, and if I do, I don't go. It's really nice of Lou
Dobbs to ask me to be on his show, but I don't
want to have dinner with him. Pat Buchanan
has been professionally incredibly kind to me.
That doesn't mean Pat and I want to, you know...
I hear that Pat's a nice guy-actually.
Yeah, he's kind. You know, Monica.Crowley, who's
politically one of the most toxic people, is
incredibly personally generous and I feel like I
have an affable relationship with her. But does
that translate into respect for what they are
trying to do for the country? No. Pat Buchanan
is nice to me, but I think we would be maybe
better off if he wasn't doing what he's doing.
There's been talk that you might be replacing
Tucker Carlson. Is there any truth to those
rumors?
I should say first of all that those rumors are
wildly exaggerated. I have not shot a pilot with
MSNBC, contrary to popular belie£ I've been
trying to break that news on my radio show
but apparently it's not working, so you can
break it in CURVE if you want.
How would you gauge the political climate?
Are we ready for a woman president or an
African American president, or are we going
to stick with the white guys for now?
I can't imagine any of the people who are running
for president now actually being president.
Can your ■
an out lesbian in the current political environment?
)
To read the full interview, v1s1tcurvemag.com.
May 2008
I49
Power to the Women
If she wins the White House, she'llhave lesbiansto thank. By VictoriaA. Brownworth
The nation is-for
once-in
agreement on one
has the vision, the drive and the knowledge to lead
issue this campaign season: This election is of great
feminist icons (like Gloria Steinem) and power
dykes-big,name
lesbian celebrities who have
importance and even greater excitement.
The Democrats have cornered the market on
made getting Clinton elected their own personal
cause celebre. In early February, lesbian,feminist
the excitement. History has been made: Either Sen.
Hillary Clinton or Sen. Barack Obama will be the
author and activist Robin Morgan updated her
classic essay "Goodbye to All That;' reframing it
been vlogging weekly on AfterEllen about Hillary.
The comedian's send,up of the campaign is tided
nominee of the Democratic Party. This represents
in the context of the election and her decision to
the first time that a major U.S. political party has
chosen either a woman or an African American as
endorse Hillary Clinton for president, calling it
"Goodbye to the Double Standard:'
"Hilarity Clinton:'
Kate isn't the only lesbian comedian stump,
its nominee.
Morgan, the author of the groundbreaking
anthology SisterhoodIs Powerfuland co,founder of
resident lesbian comedian, Julie Goldman, of The
Big Gay Sketch Show is also a Hillary supporter.
the Women's Media Center, asserted that the me,
Goldman told About.com that she was definitely
dia's treatment of Clinton exemplifies how vicious
and tenacious sexism remains. Morgan indicted
supporting Clinton for president because it was
time. But as Goldman explained her reasons for
liberals and progressives who cite their deep con,
supporting Clinton, she also raised the specter of
cerns over racism yet ignore sexism, citing point
for point where the media has found it acceptable
to bait Clinton on gender,related issues. Yet, if
why others don't.
"This is just so fascinating, this whole time
The media has focused largely on Obama and
the so,called "cult of Obamania;' as Los Angeles
Times columnist Joel Stein calls it, but Clinton has
comedian Kate Clinton. Kate, a big supporter, has
ing for our first woman president, however. Logo's
the media had harassed Obama on racial issues, it
right now. People are so passionate. It's so personal
for everyone. I like her. People hate her. It's a curi,
would have (rightly) been a source of outrage.
osity to me. Why do people hate her?"
Morgan's speech, turned into an Internet essay
that has reached millions, stoked many lesbians
The answer is resoundingly simple: sexism.
Comedian Ellen DeGeneres has supported
into supporting Clinton because it reminded them
Clinton from the outset, even launching her fall 2007
season with a two,part interview with Clinton. On
Feb. 26, 2008, DeGeneres, whom friends said was
of their feminist roots.
Tennis legend Billie Jean King, whose famous
"Battle of the Sexes" tennis match against Bobby
ties endorsing Clinton, from Madonna to Steven
Riggs was a seminal moment in sports history,
endorsed Clinton with her characteristic fervor.
"Hillary and I both believe strongly in equal
Spielberg to 50 Cent and P!nk.
Amidst Clinton's staunchest supporters are
rights and opportunities for all people. She is a
winner and I am standing beside her because she
been culling support from a wide range of sources.
Like Obama, there are, naturally, big,name celebri,
this country;' she said.
Joining King in campaigning for Clinton is the
becoming increasingly frustrated with the media
coverage-or skewing-of Clinton's run for presi,
dent, decided to "drop in'' on the presidential hope,
ful during one of her campaign rallies in Texas.
The crowd went wild when DeGeneres
appeared on the screen above the audience and
Fun with Bush
Will you miss Bush junior and
his cronies? Well, that's a silly
question. We will definitely
miss making fun of their verbal and political blundersand that is one of the reasons
Lil' Bush on Comedy Central
has been so successful. To
ease the pain of the George
W. Bush administration, all
seven long plague years, a
chuckle has always been
in order, and this cartoon
brings the laugh track home.
It cleverly shows little W as a
Beltway Elementary School
bully, along with his friends
(his administration) and his
nemeses, the Lil' Dems (think
Nancy Pelosi and Hillary
Clinton). And, even though
a combination of arrogance,
stupidity and elitism is very
rarely funny, this cartoon gets
us laughing-hey, if not, we'd
be in tears. Lil' Bush is now
in its second season and we
girls are in for a treat. The
first episode is titled "Lesbian
Freakfest." Though only two
lesbians appear-for about
one second-and they get
tricked into going to Mexico
(perhaps reversing the
Republicans' anti-immigration
stance), the 30-minute show
is light, comical and a muchneeded break from reality.
Heck, we can even chuckle at
Dick Cheney, who speaks in
grunts and loves to hurt others. And if no one turned you
on to this show last year, Lil'
Bush: Season One (comedycentral.com) is now on DVD.
- Colleen M. Lee
UJ
~
~
w
a:
~
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:::::>
0
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...J
<(
~
~
50
I curve
Follow the Leader
proceeded to have a half joking, half,serious exchange
with Clinton about whether she's been treated more
The head of Canada'sGreen Party helpswave
America'srainbowflag.
harshly than Obama because she's a woman. The
exchange was a powerful pro, Hillary moment on live
Elizabeth May, the leader of Canada's Green Party, is unllinchingly
TV via America's lesbian next door. Ellen may not be
pro,gay. A left,leaning environmental activist turned savvy politician,
as powerful as Oprah, but the spot was on YouTube
within an hour of the event.
the United States,born May wants to make the party's environmental
Do you see an opportunity to reach out globally? For instance,
I notice the Green Party Is on Facebook.
she's not in a whole bunch of people. She's a strong
Absolutely, I'll be attending the Global Greens gathering in Sao Paulo,
Brazil, in the spring. Around the world, people are looking at
doing so hot:'
The National Organization for Women endorsed
Clinton back in January. HRC also endorsed Clinton,
who was the only one among all the presidential can,
didates to accept HRC's invitation to address the
organization's Equality Convention.
Clinton supporters point out that Barack Obama
did not attend the HRC event. He has not discussed
I'd be discouraged if it was the case that I was the only political leader who felt this strong commit,
being-to us-(gay rights are] not controversial. It is distressing that the issues are still discussed
as if they were controversial.
It does not bear the label "controversial:' It's our human right. It's respect for our sisters and
brothers and ftiends and neighbors.
did not even begin courting the LGBT vote until the
primaries in Texas and Ohio, when the race tightened
Our time has come. We have name recognition and the firm treatment of social justice, the willing,
between the two candidates
are
of the top Democratic candidates, you might not need
to know that Clinton got the endorsement of TheL
Word creator, Ilene Chaiken, or the surprise decision
~
ment. Clearly Mr. (Stephen] Harper's party (Conservative Party of Canada] has a history
of intolerance [and] homophobia. It is true that institutionally and through our whole
message and stop touring with him. He refused, citing
his need to 'embrace diversity:' What's more, Obama
numerous, powerful lesbian supporters like Billie
Jean King might just help elucidate the vast distinc,
tions that can be made. As lesbians debate the merits
<(
(.)
support?
What do you say to ecological activists who are or may one day be Green Party
and similarities
...J
encouraged.
the Federal Marriage Act and made LGBT issues a part
to a dead heat.
In a campaign where celebrity voices are being
heard on both sides, where it's Oprah versus Ellen
~
w
...J
environmental sustainability and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and transsexual rights.
We were the first party in Canada whose leader was openly gay. The document "Vision
Green" on our website discusses, in detail, these issues. I think CURVE readers will be very
gay rights. Do you feel like your party is marked as the "gay lobby" because of this
Many queers called for Obama to reject McClurkin's
co
"Green'' is rock,solid and embedded in principles of human rights, social justice, world peace,
with queer groups, spoken at queer venues, been vocal
in her repudiation of"Don't Ask, Don't Tell;' denounced
to "rid the world of the curse of homosexuality:'
:::,
J:
Do you see the Green Movement as connected to larger struggles for human rights
and gender equality?
You've been described as one of a handful of political leaders to unequivocally support
Grammy,winning gospel singer whose raison d'etre is
(.)
Canada and the growth of the Green Party here with real excitement, and they are very encouraged
that we will be winning seats in Parliament in the next election.
queer issues on the campaign trail while Clinton has met
of her campaign.
And, in October 2007 Obama teamed up with
Donnie McClurkin, the self,proclaimed "ex,gay"
~
Edith Stull
Hillary. I know her. And I know what she's like when
woman. And you know what? The men have had it.
They've had it all this time. And I don't think they're
(.)
agenda relevant to progressive communities at large. -
The beloved honorary queer Cher, who endorsed
Clinton on ABC's Nightline, said: "It's a no,brainer. It's
of Oprah's mentor (and an acknowledged bisexual)
Maya Angelou, to choose Clinton over Obama.
But, say these power dykes, knowing why they
support Clinton may help their fans understand the
candidate better. "I am convinced that Hillary Clinton
is the candidate best equipped to pass laws that will
treat all Americans with dignity, fairness and equality,
no matter who they are or who they love;' said one ally.
Of course, that was a dude: Rep. Barney Frank. ■
supporters?
ness to use market mechanisms to achieve Kyoto targets to reduce greenhouse gases. We are a
party that transcends the old political and ideological divides of the 19th and 20th centuries.
(Green pioneer] Petra Kelly said we are the "anti,party party:' Greens will always share the
power ... we won't hoard. In some ways it's easy to be discouraged because, globally, progress is
so slow on the critical issues of our time. Having a prime minister like Stephen Harper is-for
people who care about the future of the planet-as horribly compromising and distressing as it
was for people in the U.S. with George Bush as president. (But] change is coming.
You were born in Connecticut, and even as a child you were involved politically. How
did that time affect you?
My mom was very active in the movement against nuclear weapons testing. I participated as a
very young child in press conferences and meetings with my mother and then going down to
Washington (D.C.] to lobby for an end to NWT (Uranium Corporation]. My family was
very involved in the civil rights movement and anti,war movement. Petra Kelly, who founded
the German Greens, was one of my heroes. Petra had a formative period in the States as well,
and while I was working for Eugene McCarthy in '68 she was working for Bobby Kennedy.
The '60s were an incredibly important time. Recognizing that organizing, lobbying, demonstrating,
exerting people power, speaking truth to power-all slogans in the '60s-formed my political
consciousness. I knew very clearly that democracies hang by a thread-that
you must work
very hard to use the tools of a democracy effectively, and that you don't take anything
for granted. ■
May 2008
I51
I Want to Be Your President
Trustme, no one will do a better job. By Senator HillaryClinton
As I have traveled around the country these past
12 months, what I sensed in my heart has been
confirmed. America is embracing its LGBT sons
and daughters with an acceptance and understanding as never before.
On the campaign trail, a father of a gay son
will ask about ending "Don't Ask, Don't Tell:' A
woman will ask why she can be discriminated
against just because of who she is. Sometimes
they wait furtively for the crowd to thin and
then whisper their confidences in a soft voice,
and sometimes they stand up proudly at town
meetings and want me to share my views on
how I will help lead the change to assure that
this country fulfills its promise to everyone.
Let me tell you what I have been telling
voters across America. I am fully committed to
the fair and equal treatment of LGBT Americans.
For seven long years, the Bush Administration
has tried to divide us-only seeing people who
matter to them. It's been a government of the few,
by the few and for the few. And no community has
been more invisible to this administration than
the LGBT community.
I will change that. The best evidence of what I
will do as president is what I have already done.
• I am proud of my record as first lady, as a U.S.
senator and as a candidate for president in
working toward the fair and equal treatment of
LGBT Americans.
• I am proud that as chair of the Senate Democratic
Steering and Outreach Committee in 2006, I
worked closely with the LBGT community to
develop a smart strategy that defeated the Federal
Marriage Amendment. I am proud of fighting the
FMA as divisive wedge politics at its worst.
• I am proud to be a co-sponsor of the Employment
Non-Discrimination Act, the Matthew Shepard
Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention
Act and the Domestic Partnership Benefits and
Obligation Act, which would grant the same
benefits (including health insurance) to domestic
partners of federal employees that are currently
offered to employees' legal spouses.
• I am proud to have authored the Early Treatment
for HIV Act, which expands access to vital treatment options for low-income individuals living
with HIV, and fought to fully fund the Ryan
White CARE Act.
Candidate Couture
We've seen so many great T-shirts
this election season, including the
prescient "Hillary is my Homegirl,"
"Barack the Vote" and "Oprah for
President." So many tees, so little
time. Thankfully, the women-owned
company ForeAmerica.com offers a
great selection, including a gay fave:
"Clinton Obama 2008" (as well
as the three above and, for
die-hards, "Gore 2008").
A catalog company in the
'80s, ForeAmerica says it's
"for progressives, liberals
and others who want to see
America invest in healthcare
and education opportuni-
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ties [for] all, provide a safety net
for seniors and the disadvantaged,
rebuild our infrastructure, and clean
up the [environment]. We, like you,
are tired of needless wars and crony
capitalism. It's all about preserving
America's democracy through campaign reforms and fair elections, helping the least among us,
and making America's
founders proud. We hope
our products will help
change the world, one _
powerful idea at a time."
We can buy that.
- Diane
Anderson-Minshall
• I am proud that I hired a national director of
LGBT outreach within a month of announcing
my candidacy for president and to have openly
gay and lesbian staffers serving at all levels of my
campaign.
• I am proud to have a National LGBT Steering
Committee of over 130 that includes openly
LGBT elected officials, board members and opinion leaders on issues ranging from transgender
rights to HIV/ AIDS to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell:'
• I am proud to have marched in gay Pride
parades as both first lady and as senator and to
have spoken in front of so many LGBT audiences,
ranging from the Human Rights Campaign, the
Empire State Pride Agenda, the Hetrick Martin
Institute, PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays), GMHC (Gay Men's
Health Crisis) and the American Foundation for
AIDS Research.
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• I am proud to have fought Republican efforts to
demonize and marginalize the LGBT community,
and I will continue to do that as president.
We have so much work to do. When I am
president, we will work together to make sure
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Americadeservesa presidentwho appealsto the best
in each of us, not the worst;a presidentwho valuesand
respectsall Americansand treats all Americansequally,
no matter who they are or who they love.
that all Americans in committed relationships
have equal benefits and that nothing stands in
the way of loving couples who want to adopt children in need. We're going to expand our federal
hate crimes legislation and pass the Employment
Non-Discrimination Act and assure that they
are both fully inclusive of sexual orientation and
gender identity and expression. And finally, we
will put an end to the failed policy of"Dorit Ask,
Don't Tell:' Courage, honor, patriotism and sacrifice-the traits that define our men and women
in uniform-have
nothing to do with sexual
orientation.
My father was a conservative Republican, who
held very traditional views for much of his life. Yet
in his last years, it was a gay couple who lived next
door who provided much of the compassion and
comfort he and my mother needed as he grew ill.
And it was that same neighbor who held his hand
as he died. If my father can move,America can move.
To each and every LGBT American, I say this.
You have done so much to help this country understand your lives by simply being open and honest about who you are and living your lives with
dignity. Thank you for your courage. It is time that
we recognize your hard work. I know that this
country is ready for changes in the law that reflect
the evolution in our hearts.
America deserves a president who appeals to
the best in each of us, not the worst; a president
who values and respects all Americans and treats
all Americans equally, no matter who they are or
who they love. I want to be that president. I want
to be your president. ■
POLITICAL POLISH
You can show your independence another way this
electoral season with nail
polish that celebrates powerful women. Yes, you read
that right. OPI, the maker
of trendy nail polish that
doesn't include some of the
industry's dirty little secret
ingredients (namely dibutyl
phthalate and toluene) offers
up three of my favorite political polishes: Melon of Troy,
Catherine the Grape and
Kennebunk-port. Top that,
CoverGirl! -DAM
McCain Is My Only Man
Lesbiansneed a leader with real experience.By LynnePostel
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I'm a rare out lesbian this campaign year because in the face of two
Democratic candidates who are dividing almost the entire LGBT vote, I'm
voting for the other guy: John McCain. Before you call me a traitorous wretch
and lob verbal attacks about internalized homophobia, let me explain. I've
been a Republican since Ronald Reagan was in the Oval Office, though I
briefly fell off the wagon to support Clinton No. 1, which I regretted almost
instantly.
To hear former President Bill Clinton tell it today, he and Hillary
are the most gay-positive politicos out there. However, Clinton himself
signed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"-which has ousted thousands of queer service members since it was enacted in 1993-as well as the Defense of
Marriage Act.
John McCain supported it too, but he remained one of the few
Republicans to rally against a federal anti-gay marriage amendment, calling
it "antithetical in every way to the core philosophy of Republicans:' Like a
true Republican, he's repeatedly said that states should have the right to
define their own policies.
In an era when political leaders think they know best, Democrats want
to spoon-feed their policies to the people, paternalistically telling them
what to do and when to do it. Republicans want to let the people of each
community
decide
on their own mores.
Does that make some
rural areas hostile to queers? Yes, but the same principle of community selfgovernance lets Massachusetts adopt a same-sex marriage law.
I didn't remain caught up in a wave of Democratic fervor forever,
because the donkeys and elephants in the political arena live by very
different values around the most important issues of all: foreign policy and
economic security.
McCain supports fiscal conservancy (don't expect the kind of tax-andspend maneuvers you'll get from the Democrats), strong foreign relations
(he survived inprisonment in Hanoi, Hillary survived Monica Lewinsky)
and doing the right thing about the war in Iraq-supporting the Iraqi people
until their country is stabilized and they're safe-in the face of widespread
public disapproval.
Sure, I love the idea of having our first woman president or our first
African American president, but our country's future has to be based on
the fundamental issues of relevance, not on our emotional dreams. McCain
is right for the nation and he's right for lesbians-even if they don't care to
admit it. ■
May 2008 j 53
Talesfromthe Crib.
Whatyouget whenyoumixtwo tickingbiological
clocks.By ElizabethStark
nocent, romantic way that people who don't have babies can want
them. And when, after 12 years of friendship, we plunged into
family building together, we were both at or about that treacherous age of 35, which is when the medical establishment likes to
pretend that fertility drops off a cliff, eggs running, lemming-like,
after it. We heard horror stories, and I tried to get pregnant a few
times without success.
Then Angie tried once, and lo! she was pregnant. (She says it's
lucky she's a lesbian, or she'd probably have gotten knocked up in
high school and be living in a trailer somewhere with a passel of
kids; I say that I'm just that good at knocking her up.)
We didn't know how this should impact my own efforts to get
pregnant. It didn't seem as though I should just blithely keep trying, and so I skipped a cycle. It freaked me out. What if I waited
and then I never got pregnant? We spent an unfortunate amount
of time worrying about this issue. I was tormented by the situation, and, in turn, I tormented Angie.
And then she had a miscarriage. Having a miscarriage is a little
like being a lesbian. But less fun. You think it's not a big deal and
not very common before if happens to you; afterward, you learn
that it has huge emotional consequences and that a heck of a lot
of people share the experience. Miscarriage is a cultural secret.
It shook up our sense of being at the helm of this project. We
stopped debating how things should turn out because we realized
My sons are 7 months and 3 months old. The number one question strangers ask when I explain that my partner gave birth to
one and I gave birth to the other four months apart is: "Did you
ing pregnant didn't turn out to guarantee us a baby.
Then-well, months and months later-I got pregnant. This
mean to do that?" I'd always assumed that it was common knowledge that lesbians couldn't knock each other up by accident. If
time, we were tentative about the situation, but still ...if Angie kept
trying, there was always the chance, however slight, that we'd end
they could, I wouldn't have reached the advanced age of 37 years
up with two tiny babies very close in age. Whenever we talked to
old before acquiring not one but two newborns.
On the other hand, to say that we planned it this way might be
overstating the case. "It was a bit whimsical;' I usually murmur.
anyone about both of us trying to get pregnant-our
lawyer, our
doctor, my mother-everyone
told us the same story: "Did you
hear about the lesbian couple that both got pregnant at the exact
same time ...with twins? They went from zero to four all at once!"
"Did you use the same sperm?" one woman in a Trader Joe's
parking lot asked.
"We used the same donor;' I said.
The typical response here is the annoying exclamation, "Then
they are brothers!" I have yet to find a charming way to reply that
they are brothers because they have the same mothers, not because they-along with 10 other families' kids-have the same
donor.
"You are pioneers;' our mindfulness birthing coach told us before our second son was born. 'J\nd pioneers never have it easy:'
So what were we doing? Were we crazy? Driven by the relentless beating of two biological clocks to throw caution to the
winds, carpe diem, and let the chips fall where they may (to mix
metaphors the way banks spin sperm)? In a word, yes.
We'd each always wanted to have a baby, in the sweetly in-
54jcurve
that we had very little say in the matter. We agreed that we would
each continue to try to get pregnant, no matter what, because be-
When you don't have kids, you just kind of know that it's
hard. Hard work, hard hours, but mostly, it's hard to imagine just
what it entails.
Angie tried once more and didn't turn up with child. She
skipped a month or two-going against our rule that we should
keep trying, no matter what. We had a decision to make.
Oddly enough, after all the lists and sharing, the matter boiled
down to Angie's strong desire for a Leo (her own astrological
sign). She would have had a Leo if she hadn't miscarried, and if
she got p;egnant this upcoming cycle, she'd be due for a Leo again.
I don't really believe in astrology-though
I like any system for
talking about people and their behavior. But I do believe in listening, and giving serious weight, to whatever moves Angie.
We struck a deal: She'd try this one last time, and if she didn't
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get pregnant, we'd wait until our first baby was born to try again.
Which is how we came to be pregnant at the same time.
The main difference in our experiences was that nobody
knew that Angie was pregnant. This is not because she didn't
get big and all that. It was more about the clothes she wore-her
own oversized men's clothes-versus the hand-me-down maternity blouses and dresses I'd acquired and tried to wear with a
little contradictory, body-revealing flair. (In my opinion, femme
is about just these kinds of contradictions: fulfilling some norm
while trending against it at the same time.)
Then there was Angie's denial: It was easier for her to believe that I would make her a parent than that she would do it
herself, too. In late summer, just before she was due, a woman
approached her in a cafe and asked if she was expecting a baby.
"There's my baby;' Angie replied, pointing to our first son.
Maybe most folks assumed that she was just drinking a heck
of a lot of beer.
Actually there are advantages to being pregnant at the same
time as your parmer. No one has any brain power anymore, so
conversations-requiring
words, as they do-are necessarily
limited. Still, there's a telepathic bond that comes from sharing
the pauses in each other's sentences.
On the other hand, who should do the heavy lifting? Who
should hand out the bonbons and who should sit on the couch
nibbling and waiting for a foot massage? Like all good lesbians,
we took turns.
And like any butch and femme couple, we understood that
we each had our own way of being in the world, which surely included being pregnant. I went to prenatal yoga classes, practiced
hypnobirthing and had the baby at home. Angie asked the doctor about weightlifting during gestation, took private birthing
classes and elected to go to the hospital when the time came.
The lesbian baby boom announced to the world that being
gay didn't mean we couldn't become parents. But why stop there?
In a two-uterus relationship, much more is possible. I know of
other couples who are both trying to get pregnant at the same
time. And word on the street has it that the lesbian couple with
the double sets of twins is making it work.
Now we are in the throes of raising our two infants ( the first
a Taurus-named
Leo-and the second, two weeks overdue, a
Virgo), and we know that we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into-the good, the hard and the seriously messy.
If Irish twins are those siblings born 11 or 13 months apart,
ours are lesbian twins, or, as a friend called them, San Francisco
twins.
But when you think of it that way, as having twins, all the advantages to our approach come to light. After all, the increasingly
dated method of one person doing all the childbearing is based on
a strictly heterosexual model. Ask any woman who had twins the
old-fashioned way-one beleaguered pregnant body, one nursing
mom. We're just sharing the work 50-50. The old-school feminists who preceded our generation would be proud. ■
Heatherisn't the onlyonewith two mommies,as
you'lldiscoverwhilereadingthroughthe catalogfrom
TwoLivesPublishing{twolives.com).
Thecompany's
latestchildren'sstory,TheDifferentDragon,alsofeaturesa familywith two mothers:Go-MaandMomma.
Therichlyillustratedstorybeginsduringtheir son
Noah'sbedtimeritual.It's Go-Ma'sturn to get him
readyfor bed,andlike anygoodmom,shetells hima
goodnightstory.Togethertheyimaginea storythat includesNoah'scat,Diva,a boatrideanda dragon.The
fierce,fire-breathingdragondoesn'tnecessarily
want
to bea fire-breathingdragon,but Noahassureshim
that fierceis notthe onlywayof being:"Youcanbe
howeveryouwant,"hetells the now-tearfuldragon.
WrittenbyJenniferBryan,with strikingartwork
by Oanamarie
Hosler,TheDifferentDragonis a lovelyexample
of whatmakesTwoLivesPublishingunique.Withoutfocusing solelyon the issuesthat affectgayandlesbianparents,
TwoLivesbooksreflectreallife for thousandsof families."We
wantto depictkidsin normalsettings,"saysco-publisherSally
Lindsay,"withoutfocusingtoo muchon the big issues,without
bangingthemoverthe headwith it."
WhenLindsayandco-publisherBobbieComb_s
decidedto
combinetheiryearsof publishingexperience
to starttheir own
publishinghouse,theyfelt that this emphasison LGBTfamilies
wascritical,buttheywantedto addressit withoutusinga bullhornto blastthe message.
Theirfirst book,ABC:A FamilyAlphabet,waswrittenby
Combsandhasturnedoutto betheir bestseller,with more
than10,000copiessold.Parentsacrossthe UnitedStateshave
taughttheir childrenwith this book,a fact that alwayspleases
Lindsay."There'snothingbetterthanmeetingparentsat a
conference
andthemtellingyou,'My childlearnedtheABCs
fromyourbook!'"
Thebooksoldout of its initial print run,but will be reprinted
in the nearfuture.TwoLivesPublishingis alsogettingreadyto
releasetwo otherbooksin 2008-The LavenderNurseryBook
and TheCaseof the Vanishing
Valuable.
Formorethaneightyears,TwoLiveshasfocusedon
publishinganddistributingqualitybooksthat caterto the LGBT
community.LindsayandCombsstartedto distributewhenthey
foundthat otherpublisherswereproducingmaterialsthat were
valuableto familieseverywhere.
Nowtheyheraldthemselvesasthe "onlyclearinghouse
that
carriesbooksthat exclusivelyfocuson or featureLGBTfamilies,"
providinga centralsiteto purchasedozensof titles that fit the
niche.Thesite is one-stopshoppingfor LGBTchildren'sbooks.
CombsandLindsayarefulfillinga dream."It's a missionof
love,"Lindsayexplains.
Twolives haspartneredwith severalorganizations
over
theyears,anddonatesa portionof its profitsto familysupport
groups.Despitenothavinganychildren,LindsayandCombsare
determined
to fosterprideandlovein LGBTfamilies,through
accessto qualitybooksfor bothchildrenand parentsalike.
- TeresaCoates
May 2008
I55
Baby Butch
Pregnancybringsoutthistoughgirl'sfeminineside.ByAngiePowers
It's a queer thing, the pregnant butch. The first time I saw one, it
was like seeing Laura Bush at a Marriage Equality fundraiser-a
little creepy. Of course, when I decided to race my partner to
the finish line of pregnancy, I wasn't thinking of that butch, her
pregnancy or my discomfort with this mash-up of masculine and
feminine. For me, to be butch was to be masculine without giving up the feminine pronoun-but
without exactly embracing all
that it has to offer, either.
I have always understood my responsibilities as the butchopen doors, fix the computer, attempt to be stoic in the face of
illness and pain and wear a bra that adequately de-emphasizes
my breasts. Less "lift and separate" and more "compress and unify:'
I did my job well.
When I got pregnant, I promptly changed ... nothing.
Cognitive dissonance is a nice way of saying I just couldn't figure
out how to meld the mister in me with the experience of actually
having a Mr. in me. I did complain a little more, in an unbitchy
way, about the nausea and fatigue. But I also pretended that these
were symptoms of the rock star lifestyle I'd left behind years ago.
I continued carrying the
heaviest bags, the box
filled with our stroller,
two baskets of laundry
piled on top of each
other. Pregnant or not, I
was still the butch.
Then my 63-year-old
mother-in-law neutered
me after a shopping trip by shuffling out to our car to take the
heaviest bags away ftom me. "No, no, you shouldn't be carrying
anything; you're pregnant now;• she chided me.
As my pregnancy progressed; I changed; I was no longer the
person I had known myself to be. The stoicism I had tried to
effect (and not always successfully) washed completely out in a
sea of hormones. I was crying, not only at commercials, but at
infomercials as well, equally devastated by ads for the Christian
Children's Fund and Erik Estrada selling lots at Lake Shastina.
My ability to build, fix and install jumpies, bouncies and computers also left me. Nails thumped sideways in my grip and the growing belly seemed magnetically drawn to door frames.
I should back up to say that in the race to the plus sign, my
partner, Elizabeth, was actually the winner (see her article about
two pregnancies in one bedroom). In the fifth month of my pregnancy, she gave birth to our first boy, Leo. As her adoring butch,
I imagined I would offer a certain soothing presence during her
contractions. Instead, I sat outside the birthing tub (the water was
too hot for a pregnant body not in labor) and read off a cue card
from our birthing class. In my hormone-induced stupor, I couldn't
remember simple phrases like "Let the wave do the work'' or "Your
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cervix is melting open:' OK, maybe I could remember that last
one, but prior to pregnancy, I could never force that phrase out of
my mouth, cue card or no.
For a while, I still had my masculine clothes, but those betrayed
me too. I held on to my too-baggy jeans, my T-shirts and sports
bras for months. But truthfully, it hurts to have your waistband
digging into your belly when there is someone else inside pushing
back. That's how I ended up at JCPenney in Santa Rosa, Calif.,
with my mother. My fast-eroding butchness made her giddy, and
as she swirled between the racks, I whimpered in the changing
stall, "Why aren't there any men's maternity clothes?" Then my
last pair of man-shorts wore through as we stood in line to pay
for the new clothes. I went home in capri pants, thinking the last
of my butchness had been tossed away. But there's nothing girly
about 24 hours of contractions, I realized during labor. Nothing
femme about getting an epidural injection in your spine or using
your arms to lift your numb, lifeless legs. But even I could not
deny the very femaleness of pushing another human being into
the world. Birth is a filthy, messy, gorgeous, aching, dark spectacle,
and in the moment when I finally believed that I could do it, that
my body was in fact doing it despite me, the rest of me realigned.
In the moment when Charlie emerged, birth became butch.
Now I am fixing things again and building a crib. And I'm
okay with all of it. I've learned how butch it can be to have boobs
that leak. In job interviews. At parties. It's a tough leak-you
know what I mean? ■
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Findingthe lesbianinsidethe mom. By Myra LaVenue
My worst fear had come true: I'd lost my lesbian cool under the
kid's drool of motherhood. The first sign was my hairstylist telling
me it was time to "lose my mom hair:' And then there were the
daughter because of the child care, and she says it's how she
"recharges her lesbian core:'
facts that I was up by 7 :00 a.m. every day and I'd grown accustomed
Young parents Sacha and Alayna Luria brought me down to
earth with this reminder: "We're the different ones in most groups
to wearing the same sweat pants and T-shirt all weekend. The
of other parents and kids. We know we'll have to explain to our
final straw: realizing that the background music for every dinner
son why just about every book, playgroup and encounter mentions mommy and daddy, but not two mommies. But on the other
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hand, we don't experience the ingrained social roles of heterosexuals. That frees us to be present with our son and both take an equal
part in raising him. We've seen even the most progressive straight
couples fall into the model of the mom who does everything kidrelated and the dad who does hardly anything. Were lucky in that
we get to make our own roles and chart our own territory:'
My path toward answers also took my partner and me to
a line in front of our county courthouse on a cold morning in
February to register as legal domestic partners in Oregon. That
experience taught me that one of the most powerful ways I can
stay connected with the lesbian community is to be present for
our struggles and successes, even while we continue to grow as a
healthy, happy family.
As this journey for enlightenment ends, what advice did I
party we threw was the soundtrack of an Elmo movie.
gather to stay lesbian cool, hip and subversive? See below. ■
As my 43rd birthday approached, I decided I was going to
reclaim the edginess I once embodied. A few years of mothering doesn't erase years of marching in protests, dancing in lesbian
bars, coming out whenever and wherever I felt like it and keeping
up-to-date with dyke fashion. Or does it?
My first stop was my lesbian families group in OregonPLOP (Parenting/Pregnant Lesbians of Portland). I asked them
one key question: How did they find the "alternative" in their
alternative families? Was I alone in realizing how motherhood had
changed me or how my life had become more "average American
family raising a 3-year-old" than "kickass lesbian couple:'
My close friends, whose parenting skills I greatly admire, told
me one way they stay connected is by exchanging the "lesbian
look:' One of them added, "Just when you least expect it, some
young chick will ask you out, generally when you're sans the kids.
If it happens, don't go for it, but enjoy it. Remember that 'eye
contact' thing when you were younger? It's safe, and when you get
a response, you remember you're alive:'
One mother advised me to hang out with kid-free lesbian
friends, who are easier to schedule time with, and who keep
her connected to the hip scene. She adds, "I can live vicariously
through them as well, but at the end of the day, I still get to come
home to my wonderful wife and daughter:'
The more I asked, the more good tips I was offered. Leigh
Currie, formerly a big motorbike rider, suggested going to the
Michigan Womyn's Music Festival as a yearly ritual. It's where
she met her partner, where they continue to go with their young
May 2008
I57
Hannah,My Daughterand Me
Beinga lesbianmom is moremainstreamthan ever.By RachelPepper
When we sign up for lesbian motherhood, there's no way to know exactly
what the future will hold. We may have
idyllic images of the perfect pregnancy,
an easy birth or blissful evenings calmly
nursing the little one with our supportive partner sitting raptly by our side. But
those are fleeting images, and reality soon
starts setting in.
My future, present and past hit me
squarely in the face while I was out
last night with my 9-year-old daughter, Frances. We were at the sold-out,
limited-run, 3-D concert movie spectacle
of the Hannah Montana/ Miley Cyrus:
Best of Both Worlds Concert, surrounded
by hysterical young girls and their moms,
plastic glasses affixed to every face. As the
images of Miley Cyrus, the movie's freshfaced, 15-year-old star, swooped toward
us, winking and smiling and singing in
close-up digital 3-D, I found myself laughing crazily for a moment or two. Had lesbian motherhood come to thisf
As a matter of fact, it had.
When you are trying to get pregnant or considering your
birth choices as a dyke, your sexual orientation is a huge part of
your decision making. It informs every decision you-and your
partner, if you have one-make about how you can get pregnant.
This includes what sperm bank and/ or donor you will pick,
where and how you will give birth and a whole host of choices
and decisions that usually seem insurmountable in the beginning
of this process. It's hard to look beyond all this and get a glimpse
of what will follow. Strange moments of cultural assimilation via
the Disney Channel's pop music star du jour are the last thing on
your mind.
There have been incredible changes in this whole field since I
got pregnant in 1998. There have been amazing advances in the
"technology" of conception, including new ways to check your
fertility and effective new fertility drugs. There are pregnancy tests
that let you find out if you are pregnant within days of conceiving.
Sperm banks have their entire catalogue of donors online, with
pictures of the donor as a baby or a young man; audio downloads
of the donor talking are available; and up-to-the-minute supply
status for purchasing donor sperm is listed. And adoption and foster care agencies are getting used to working with LGBT parents.
The Internet has enabled women to connect in ways that
were unimaginable a few years ago. What comes to mind most
prominently has been the proliferation of queer family blogs.
Check out a few at the many links provided by Robin Reagler
58
Icurve
at her pioneering parenting blog, theothermother.typepad.com,
including "Two Mommies and a Meatball" and "The Lesbian
Mom Next Door:' Now we have access to people's real lives, and
guess what-our kids are real, our kids are cute and the revolution has been blogged. No more anonymous midnight postings
into the abyss of the World Wide Web-now we are members
of the family, witness to ultrasound photos, newborn baby pies,
first birthday celebrations and finger-painted masterpieces, hung
proudly in cyberspace for adoring parents to preen over. This is
true whether you yourself conceive, your partner does, your ex
did, you are foster parenting, you're adopting or you are just a
proud auntie. The immediacy of the medium also allows for comfort. Post a comment and very likely you will find that an ongoing correspondence will ensue-of special comfort to those still
trying to conceive-or TTC, in online lingo. There are also some
amazing videos on YouTube, providing 24-hour access to short
films and home videos of lesbian moms and their kids. I imagine
that soon there will be short "how to inseminate" videos popping
up on YouTube-much more handy than a reference in a book.
But for those seeking that more old-fashioned form of
researching, our literature is expanding as quickly as a pregnant
lesbian's waistline. Not only do we have the standard "how-to"
books, now we have "true-life" accounts of this crazy journey into
parenthood, as well as "specialty" books on the topic.
These include books available by co-mothers, single
mothers and even fedup mothers-check
out
The Other Mother, Knock
Yourself Up and the recently
published My Miserable,
Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy.
We also have some
powerful national organizations, such as the National
Center for Lesbian Rights
and the Family Equality
Council (formerly Family Pride), which work to support the
legal rights of LG BT-headed households and provide opportunities for education and connection. While not new, these groups
are now online and provide an expansive array of information to
LGBT families. And now our kids can participate too-they blog,
text message and belong to groups like Children of Lesbians and
Gays Everywhere (COLAGE). We are visible and connected.
Through having children, and in such increasing numbers, lesbians are much more connected to the wider world. We are usually
more connected to our families of origin (who often embrace
us once we have kids) and to our families of choice-including
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Twenty,six years ago, single women and lesbian couples didn't
have any reproductive clinics that would serve them. Sperm
banks were reserved for heterosexual couples unable to have
known donors, our kids' biological half,siblings and their moms,
blended families and all the "aunties" and "uncles" who help out along
children, and even for them the process was secretive and
the way. It is also becoming more rare that two women anywhere
shameful. Couples would choose donors who looked like the
father, and the truth about the donor insemination was often
in the country will find themselves the first lesbian couple to have a
hidden from the child.
child. That path has already been blazed in most places. We are no
longer surprised when lesbian celebrities such as Rosie O'Donnell
But all of that changed in 1982, when the Sperm Bank
of California opened its doors to all families. The nonprofit
and Iron Chejs Cat Cora come out as lesbian moms. Our friends will
organization, which started as a project for the Oakland
Feminist Women's Health Center, radically changed the
probably no longer ask-as some of mine did 10 years ago-why we
want to become moms. Lesbian motherhood is no longer a contro,
versial topic in the queer community. Nor will anyone be ostracized
if she gives birth-goddess forbid-to a male child.
So now we have more freedom to fit in, and raise our families
as we see fit. We join play groups, the PTA and the swim team. We
show that by planning our families and raising our kids with such
a high degree of love and thoughtfulness, they grow up well. We
continue to work quietly behind the scenes, reminding our schools
that inclusive reading lists are important, chat some families have
rules of donor programs-single
mothers and lesbian
couples were encouraged to participate, extensive donor in,
formation was provided and, most radically, donors could participate
in an Identity Release Program that allowed the child to contact the donor.
Alice Ruby, executive director of the Sperm Bank of California, says the
Identity Release Program is a groundbreaking service that allows for more
transparency and gives more information to all the parties involved in the
donor process.
kindergarten will not bring down the republic. In fact, they might
When a child turns 18, he or she is allowed to ask the agency for the
contact information. Ruby says that the reasons to contact the donor differ
from child to child. "Most want to know about themselves. They're curious;'
just help save it.
Through all this, lesbians have learned the common language
she says. "Some want to know what kind of music he listens to, or if he has big
feet, or just what he's like:'
of motherhood that is shared by most women who are raising
As for the donor, the man can opt for the anonymous or the open
information program. "We pay the donor the same amount for the open and
donors, not daddies, and that little boys wearing nail polish to
children. Through pregnancy, birth, adoption, fostering, nursing,
playground visits and potty training, new bonds are forged, espe,
cially with the straight women we once imagined as the potential
enemy. Yes, the queer community is still home-but
it is not our
only home. In fact, if you pressed me, I'd have to admit that home
to me is really where my kid is. We could be anywhere in the world,
with nothing left to our name. But if I have her by my side, and she
has me, we're going to be OK. This is perhaps motherhood's great,
est gift.Knowing there is a community to back us up if we need it is
a close second. Being able to take joy in life's unexpected offerings,
even if they are teenage pop stars, may be a close third.
So where does all this pontificating lead me? Back into the theater
with my kid and Hannah Montana. My 3,D glasses are on, Miley
Cyrus just winked at me, my foot's tapping along to the song"Rock
Star;' and I'm feeling pretty good about my life. It's a blast of popu,
lar culture, yes, one that I might not have imagined myself fitting
into when I was peeing on ovulation test sticks. Even when we do
get pregnant, we don't know what little person we will give birth to.
We keep them safe and guide them where we can, and often we find
closed services;' says Ruby. "We don't want to encourage the open program for
the wrong reasons:'
The reasons for men to participate in the open information program are as
varied as the men themselves. Ruby says most of the men simply believe that
their offspring have the right to know. Others, she says, "are curious just like
the kids, because they are part of creating a human being:'
The Identity Release Program was one of the services that attracted Tasha
and her partner to the Sperm Bank of California. "It's an amazing resource;'
says the 37 ,year,old mother of a child who was conceived through the clinic.
"Genetics (is] part of what makes us who we are, and the clinic recognizes that
genetic connections are really important:'
Tasha's son is only 2 years old, but she and her partner already talk to him
about his conception. "We say, 'We are your mommies and you also have a
donor daddy:" She knows that her son does not understand this information
yet, but believes being honest about the process is important.
Ruby says that most of the children have chosen to wait until they are
older. "Like many adopted children;' she says, "children of donors often seek
the donor's identity after college or when they are considering having children
ourselves in unexpected places. But what I can tell you is that for
me, the revolution in lesbian parenting happened nearly 10 years
ago, when I gave birth to an amazing baby girl. We've been together
on this journey ever since, and now she's a cute, sporty, 9,year,old
kid with a passion for Hannah Montana. And you'd better believe
of their own:' A 2005 study from the journal Human Reproduction confirms
Ruby's belief that the program is positive for children. The study found that
"the majority of the youths felt comfortable with their origins and planned to
obtain their donor's identity, although not necessarily at age 18:'
The study adds that most of the children were not looking for a father fig,
that like most moms-lesbian or not-I'd do everything I could to
get tickets to this sold,out show, sit next to her in this theater and
ure, but were simply curious about the donor. The Sperm Bank of California
is planning to conduct an outcome study of its own in the next few years.
-Kristin A. Smith
merrily sing along. ■
May 2008
I59
Welcometo the Houseof Fun
PinkPea fillsthe voidin programmingfor kidsof lesbianand gay
householdswithDottie'sMagic Pockets.By AimselL. Ponti
Tammy Stoner and her production company, Pink Pea, have
blazed a new trail in television programming for children with
Dottie's Magic Pockets. It's a live-action show whose target audience is young kids of lesbian and gay households, although I can't
imagine any kid not getting a supreme kick out of the enchanting
program. And it packs a terrific educational punch.
In its own words, Pink Pea is "an independent production
company dedicated to creating programming that represents the
fabulous diversity of nontraditional families:' Stoner says that she
didn't need to look any further than her own home to come up
with the premise of the show."When we were in early development
of Pink Pea, the production company for Dottie's Magic Pockets,
my ex-partner and I were looking at schools for our son, so that
transition process~me having been a stay-at-home mom-was
on my mind. At home, he and I had spent hours creating imaginary characters with sock puppets, some of whom inspired the
puppets you see in the show today:'
They've more than hit the mark with Dottie's Magic Pockets,
but not without fighting some uphill battles. "We started this as
an independent company in order to maintain creative control,
but the downside-and the most challenging aspect during this
launch period-has been reaching the kids without major distribution. But once we reach them, they love it, so that motivates us to
continue promoting and building relationships with LG BT centers
and other organizations to get the word out;' says Stoner.
Pink Pea has produced a hip and zippy show that overflows
with imagination, using a zany cast of live characters interspersed
with funky animation. I watched two episodes of it, "Doing the
Flower;' and "Beet Beat;' and both were blithe forays into Dottie's
world of fun and learning with a set that's an irresistible cross between Pee Wee's Playhouse and a.kaleidoscopic shopping spree at
Urban Outfitters.
Dottie conjures up a batch of friends, and we are introduced to
each one. James the Flower is a well-to-do French daisy, complete
with the appropriate accent and a cup of tea. Randal the Beaver
wears John Lennon-style glasses, and though he's sweetly nai:vehe
also appreciates a good hug. Motilda the Mouse is a real firecracker and a devoted friend to all. Wally
the Wall is always available to help
out, and he looks fantastic in his
purple fun fur. That leaves my favorite friend of Dottie's, Uncanny the
Singing Can. Everything she says
is done very operatically, and for a
little can confined to the mantle, her
presence is far-reaching.
In the center of it all is Dottie,
keenly portrayed by Jen Plante. "The
60
I curve
character of Dottie herself was inspired by the wacky sensibility and abilities of the actress who plays Dottie;' explains Stoner.
Plante's Dottie is an effervescent woman who is both high-spirited and down-to-earth. (Oh, and as an added bonus to grown-up
viewers, Dottie's a hottie. )
Stoner is not just the CEO of Pink Pea; she also created the
concept, wrote the scripts, worked on the Claymation and wrote
many of the songs you'll hear on Dottie's Magic Pockets. She got
some help from Pink Pea's creative director Wayne DeSelle, director/ editor Andrea Maxwell and producer Kathleen Latlip.
Stoner is pleased with the feedback about the show. "[It's] incredible. Our biggest surprise was the fabulous reaction from mainstream, traditional families, whose support has equaled the nontraditional families in the LGBT community:' She's also thrilled
with how the kids, the most important viewers, have responded:
"The reaction from the children has been the most rewarding by
far. A little girl in Georgia turned to her mom after seeing Dottie's
Magic Pockets and said, 'That little boy has two mommies, just like
me!'When our producer, Kathleen Latlip, heard that, she cried.
It's also especially exciting to see the way all children-from both
traditional and nontraditional families-respond to Dottie's gentle wackiness. We really feel like we are helping to create a more
compassionate tomorrow for the children of today:' ■
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Knock Yourself Up
Louise Sloan goes from dating hell to baby heaven.
By Athena Douris
Mom Gifts
@
Curvemag.com
The MoBoleezBreastfeeding
Bonnetappeared
on her desk with a note from her editor asking
her to test it out. "Do you have a little one? Or
know someone who does?"
The answer to both was no, so she called
her mom. She showed it to her, and pointed
out the darling details-like how it says "Milky
Way" on the crown and how the underside of
the brim is printed with messages like "I love
you mom," and "I'm hungry." "Will it work?"
she asked. Lina Swislocki reports on what
her mom said.
Zoe Francesca's My Family,My
Joumey:A MemoryBookis the
perfect book for future adoptive moms. In the traditional
baby-book style, it also offers
blank pages for the story of how
the baby came to you, photos of
people who helped in the adoption process and photos of the baby's adoptive friends. Jenna V. Loceff tells us more.
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If you want to reverse the gift giving on
Mother's Day, get your daughter a present
she'll treasure for the rest of her life. Little
Riddel'sLittleReminders
are thinner, more
ethereal versions of Holly Riddel's adult rings:
hammered silver, lightly jeweled and "insideout" circlets.Young
women (and their
moms) pick out a
single significant letter to adorn the front
of the ring. Does she
want to be a lawyer?
Try an L. Do you want her to have respect for
herself? Pick an R. Riddel believes that the
stone fortifies the wearer. She says, "I want
the stone to touch your skin, to pass on its
unique energy." This is a gift that will remind
your daughter that "it's truly what's on the
inside that counts," as Riddel says. Heather
Gilligan reports.
Dating in your 30s and 40s must be fun for
some, but for me, it lacks the carefree joie
de vivre that characterized my gallivanting
20s. Kisses, sex, longing, first trips to the sex
store-been there, done that. Now, talk to me
about suckling infants, saying no to toddlers
and dealing with teenagers who shoplift and
I'm yours. I want a baby. Now. When I'm on a
first date, I'm thinking, "How soon can we get
pregnant:'" not, "Will the sex be good:'" Wrong,
I know, but the mad hammer of my bio clock
has made every other concern in my life just
an annoying buzz.
Enter Louise Sloan, a lesbian facing the
same scenario: single, nearing the end of her
fertile years and nary an appropriate part,
ner in sight. But instead of crossing her fin,
gers and booking two dinner dates per night,
like me, she chose an alternate route. Sloan
made a conscious, researched decision to ar,
tificially inseminate without a partner, or even
a girlfriend. In Knock YourselfUp: A Tell,All
Guide to Becominga Single Mom, she talks
about her experience, and speaks with doz,
ens of women, both lesbian and straight,
who chose kids now, dates later.
appealing now that there's a $50 babysit,
ting fee. Going out on a blind date-that's
potentially $50 for a dull evening, when I
could be spending that time with my son.
Nowadays, I'd say,"Would you like to go to
the zoo with me and my son:'" That weeds
out a lot.
You're openly lesbian in your book, but
you address a readership that is both gay
and straight. Is making this decision any
different for lesbians?
With the straight women I talked to, their
friends would start getting really negative.
It was like they were waiting for the knight
in shining armor, so if anyone stopped
waiting and made a decision like this, it was
[tantamount to) saying their own dreams
would never happen. This came up as an
issue in almost every meeting of straight
women [who were contemplating the
choice of single motherhood). It just wasn't
the same in the lesbian meetings.
Did you ever feel like you were giving
up on a dream-the
When I was in my 20s, I was in a long,term
partnership. I would hear about the trials
and tribulations of the single life, and I
would think, 'Tm glad I'm not the kind of
person who has to worry about that:' My
30s were a lesson in humility. My relation,
ships kept getting shorter and shorter-at
one point I joked that any day now I'd be
having sex in the park. I do remain hopeful,
but the older I've gotten, the more I feel I
don't know anything about relationships.
As a single woman what was it like
to make the decision to artificially
inseminate?
I really agonized. I spent a lot of time contem,
plating all the dreadful, painful things that
could happen to me as a result of doing
it this way. None of that occurred. I ex,
pected it to be much more of a bittersweet
experience, but really, it was pretty sweet.
Pregnancy was hard on me, particularly
when I was at home alone. I wanted some,
one to share it with. I expected those feel,
ings of sadness to last, but they went away.
dream of finding the
right woman and having a kid with her?
)
Read more from Louise Sloan and other moms
at curvemag.com.
When did the sadness go away?
When my son was born. I expected to feel sad,
ness about not sharing him with someone,
but I felt completely happy. And especially
after seeing friends negotiate the smallest
decisions in parenting, I felt some retie£
Tell me a bit about dating.
I had some opportunities to date during my
pregnancy, but I didn't, because I was
still heartbroken over an ex. As much as
I would love to have someone in my life,
going out looking for love is extremely un,
May 2008
I61
Out with My Son
How to deal with a differentkindof closet.By BerendeMotier
I stood there chatting with the woman and
Anyone would have a hard time
the question echoed in my brain, "Should I
competing with that.
out my son? Should I out my son?" I could
have been a brand new PFLAG mom meet,
even before he was diagnosed with
We alwaysknew he was different,
ing up with an old pal, my kid fresh out of
the closet, but instead I was a lesbian mom
wondering if I should out my son as "special
needs:'
was eligible for special ed, or that
We were standing in line at a cafe, wait,
ing for a much,anticipated, post,preschool
so many of his behaviors indicated
anxiety and a spot on the autism
cookie, which would do double duty as his
consolation prize for mandatory attendance
and a"well,done" prize for making it through
spectrum.
the day without hitting anyone. There was a
special needs category helps us. It is
I never thought I'd be so happy
to stick a label on our son, but the
herd of high school kids hogging the coffee
counter, getting a jolt of java before heading
back for fifth period, so my son and I were
stuck near the door, just behind a whirling
toddler and her patient mom. As the mom
than that "he has a big space bub,
ble;' which is what I told the mom
her own internal iPod, I gently pulled my
son against my legs and told him the girl was
in the line at the cafe when I moved
my son more than an arm's length
were an overprotective idiot, that maybe I should come out for
our son. Just as no one knows I'm a lesbian until I tell them, my
son's special needs
status is invisible. He
looks like a robust,
blond
6,year,old,
despite being only 4
(while I look like a
soccer mom with a
penchant for angry
political bumper stickers and red lipstick). I'm used to correcting
pronouns, and inserting "wife" and "partner;' and mentioning my
away from her twirling daughter,
blowing my opportunity to out him.
Friends' responses to the news that our son is in special ed
often focus on the negativity of labels: "Kids shouldn't be labeled
so early;' they say, or "You don't want to put too much investment
in that label:' Tuey reject this signpost like a mom whose daughter
announces she's fallen in love with her college roommate. "Don't
call yourself a lesbian, dear. You'll never be able to take it back:'
They forget that labels can be positive as well as practical. Just
as that co,ed gets empowerment and a sense of community from
calling herself a lesbian (along with a newly acquired cultural
history and a fresh dating pool, should it not work out with the
roommate), our son gets a more positive reaction with a label like
"autism spectrum" than he does with "difficult child:' He becomes
membership in the lesbian moms group as ways of defying het,
erosexual assumptions, but I'm not yet used to outing my son.
This is all new. He tested into special education this fall when
part of a community of children who think differently and there,
it became apparent that no normal preschool could hold him and
even an exceptional one we couldn't afford wouldn't take him. He
has been called "spirited;'"imaginative" and "aggressive;'though we
right to obsess endlessly about specific interests and not make eye
contact).
preferred labels like "the Timex kid-takes a licking and keeps on
ticking," and "Energizer Bunny:' We were proud of his physical
Gay lyricist Howard Ashman puts it best in a song for his Beauty
and the Beast score: As peasants head out with pitchforks, they
sing, "We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us:'
strength, his seeming unwillingness to be tamed by society-he
was a third child, after all, and embraced his difference from his
more self,disciplined siblings, who were dubbed "compliant" by
one friend with a spirited child, and described as "the best kids
ever" by babysitters.
Icurve
much easier to say to an outraged
parent, when your son has tried
to clock a child who has come too
close, that he's "special needs" rather
and I talked, and the girl spun, dancing to
'Just dancing:'
I realized then, as the mom glanced sideways at me as if I
62
a sensory processing disorder. But I
never thought he was so far down
on the social,skills scale that he
fore act differently (there is an Autism Pride Day, modeled on
Gay Pride, celebrating the uniqueness of autistic people and their
The problem with being different is that people don't like it.
Parents once thought prejudice would make their gay children
miserable, so they stomped on any emerging queer tendency.
Instead of facing social bigotry, those parents contributed to a
problematic circle that's fueled self,esteem problems in gays and
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lesbians for years and kept the liquor industry
happy. If your kid is different, he's different: Be
OK with that.
Being out about my son not only tells him I'm
proud of him the way he is (though a few coping skills
wouldn't hurt), it allows me to connect with other
parents, instead of being shunned by them. It's
not that I should launch into a speech on neurodiversity every time I hit the playground, it's just
that it was hard enough breaking into the mom
circle as a lesbian. A lesbian mom with an indefinably
difficult locomotive of a kid is a hard sell at any
playground.
Just like everyone knows someone who's gay,
everyone knows someone who is special needs.
Autism is ubiquitous in the news, popping out
of the woodwork just like we homos did a few
decades ago. Fifty years ago, a kid like ours
would have been taunted by peers, kept at home,
and maybe exorcised by well-meaning religious
parents who were sure that only demonic possession
could create someone who was confused by other
children, fought like a demon at the lightest touch
and couldn't make eye contact.
If the kid managed to reach an independent
adulthood, he became the weirdo down the
block who was "different:' The same is true of
that generation's gay or lesbian adolescents, who
were silenced, exorcised or institutionalized, who
became the weird lady down the block who "never
got married" and lived with a best friend to "share
expenses:'
Labels offer those 'J\ha!" moments that used
to happen on the playground decades ago when I
said, "He has two moms" about our oldest son. Say
the words "autism spectrum" these days and you
hear'J\ha" not"Oh no:' And I think a similar rule
of reciprocity applies: If you're OK with being gay,
mostly everyone else is, too-I'm betting the same
goes for special needs.
I don't want to think that it's just a phase, the
way some parents of gay children hope it will
go away, if it is truly part of who he is. Like the
PFLAG moms, I want to embrace him and make
it easier for him to navigate a world that won't always
understand, adapt to or enjoy his difference. The
next time we find ourselves in line behind a twirling 2-year-old, I'll know that the answer to the
question "Should I out my son:>"is yes. ■
May 2008
I63
hal ReJ Carpel
T WOULD BE an understatement to say that lesbian
literature has grown steadily in the past 30 years; exploded
might be a better word. And with this detonation has come
an increasing number of LGBT literary awards, conferenc,
es and festivals. This year, the queen of all queer lit events,
the Lambda Literary Awards (aka Lammies), celebrates its 20th
anniversary with an awards ceremony on May 29 at the Pacific
Design Center's SilverScreen Theatre in West Hollywood, and
organizers promise a star,studded event worthy of its glamourous
setting. Meanwhile, the sixth annual Saints and Sinners Literary
Festival happens May 8-11 in New Orleans' French Quarter and
the Golden Crown Literary Conference turns 5 with its annual
event (and its Goldie awards) July 31-Aug. 3 in Phoenix. So
many events for LGBT lit,lovers-but how did we get to where
we are now?
I
The Birth of Lesbian Fiction
In 1973, Naiad Press, the first small publisher oflesbian novels,
gave voice to a new breed oflesbian fiction writers."Naiad persisted
as the largest, most popular and successful lesbian press until well
into the 1990s, which is a tremendous accomplishment;' says Len
Barot, the president and publisher of Bold Strokes Books. "When
they first started publishing, they only did a few a year, but later
they put out lesbian books every single month. So that was an
enormous event for us:'
From there, other small publishers popped up, such as
Spinster's Ink Books in 1978, founded in upstate New York by
Maureen Brady and Judith McDaniel; it's still going strong, pub,
lishing out of Midway, Fla., and employing pioneering lesbian
writer Katherine V. Forrest as editorial supervisor. After Naiad's
founders retired in 2005, Bella Books took over its backlist and
gave many Naiad writers a new home. Today, well,established
64
Icurve
queer publishers like Alyson Books and Cleis Press still put out
some lesbian fiction titles as part of their larger mission, but Bold
Strokes Books stands as the largest lesbian publishing house.
Since its inception in 2004, the company has put out over 100
titles.
Our Red Carpet Events
In 1989, Washington, D.C.,based Lambda Rising Bookstore,
owned by Deacon MacCubbin, started the Lambda Literary
Awards. In 1996, the nonprofit Lambda Literary Foundation was
born. And as the LGBT awards program grew, so did the catego,
ries: "The first year there was an AIDS category, because there
was so much literature coming out about AIDS;' says Charles
Flowers, the current executive director of the Lambda Literary
Foundation. "But in a few years that category vanished:'
In 1988, the fiction awards were mostly divided into "gay
men" and "lesbian" categories. Today, the categories have blurred
significantly, signaling a cultural shift in the LGBT literary
scene. The "gay men" and "lesbian" categories have almost all been
replaced by categories designated simply as "men's" and "women's"
fiction because, oftentimes, it's difficult to categorize a novel. For
example, Felicia Luna Lemus' 2007 novel, Like Son, chronicles the
story of Frank, a transgender man living in New York City. But
because novels are judged by content, not by the sexual orienta,
tion of the writer- Lemus identifies as "queer;' not lesbian-Like
Son has been nominated for a Lammie in the "men's fiction" cat,
egory~lowers puts it nicely, saying, "The question that challenges
the judges every year is, what is lesbian fictiont
Down South in New Orleans, the Saints and Sinners
Festival celebrates its sixth anniversary-and the third year since
Hurricane Katrina ate everyone's salad. A festival that's more fo,
cused on connecting writers, publishers and editors, Saints and
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Lit-loving lesbians, get ready for the Lammies in L.A., the Goldies in Phoenix
and the Saints & Sinners in New Orleans. By Alicia Eler
Sinners presents a three-day-long agenda complete with master
classes and panels. This year, the grande dame of lesbian litera-
feature a lesbian protagonist. Without writers like Forrest, the
floodgates wouldn't have opened in the first place.
ture, Dorothy Allison, who wrote Trash, the first book to win a
Lammie in the lesbian fiction category back in 1989, as well as
The Futureof Lesbian Lit
Bastard Out of Carolina, one of the first lesbian books to be read
But as lesbian literature becomes broader, award categories expand
and lesbian-themed books become more mainstream-Alison
outside of the niche market, is just one of the featured speakers;
she's joined by Mark Doty, Jim Grimsley, Val McDermid, Tim
Bechdel's memoir, Fun Home, was named Time magazine's 2006
Miller and Michelle Tea, among others. Founder and festival or-
Book of the Year-Forrest
ganizer Paul Willis says that this year-not
literature. "I've been waiting impatiently for books about contemporary life &om the generation that those of my generation
the first year after
Katrina-has been the most difficult.
"There are less businesses in the area, so the arts organizations
are hitting them up;' he says. "It's more competitive and difficult
to keep things going than it was before ... but I think this year we
have the strongest lineup yet:'
The young and growing Golden Crown Literary Conference
focuses exclusively on lesbian literature, handing out the Goldie
awards. Akin to the Lammies but smaller and more under the
radar, the conference began after a conversation among a few liter-
is hopeful about the future of lesbian
fought to make better, and they're starting to emerge in strong
work &om such writers as Michelle Tea, Stacy D'Erasmo, Nina
Revoyr," she says.
If this trend continues, expect to see even more lesbian-
Scenes from the 2007
Lambda Awards (left to
right): Alison Bechdel (left)
and Kate Clinton; Ellis
Avery accepts the lesbian debut fiction award;
Clinton (left) and Teresa
DeCrescenzo, treasurer
of the Lambda Literary
Foundation board; author
Nancy Garden presenting the children's/young
adult awards; (from left)
Alison Bechdel, Christopher Rice, Clinton and
Katherine V. Forrest; Maria
Gallo accepting the LGBT
nonfiction award; Nicole
Kristal (left) and Mike
Szymanski accepting the
first bisexual Lammies
centric books hitting mainstream and niche markets, LGBT
award categories broadening and-hopefully-more
tivals, awards and conferences popping up. ■
literary fes-
ary lesbians, including executive director Kathy L. Smith.
"Many of the small lesbian presses were having a difficult time
GelYour TlckelsNow
getting the word out;' says Smith."We started the organization for
authors, publishers, fans, readers and bookstores as a place where
they could come together:' After an overwhelming response to the
Don't miss out on the literary love-tests. Here is all the information you need on when and where the excitement is
happening.
organization, the founders decided to hold an annual conference
and give out literary awards. As with the Lammies, the categories
for the Goldies 'chose themselves;' Smith says. "We only had a few
categories when we first started, like mystery, romance and maybe
sci-fi. But this year we have eight or nine award categories:•
Forrest will be this year's Golden Crown keynote speaker; her
contributions to the lesbian genre categories of romance, mystery
and science fiction are indispensable, and she's won numerous
Lammies. Forrest's Kate Delafield mystery series was the first to
• The Saints & Sinners Literary Festival, an alternative literary
festival, takes place May 8-11 in New Orleans. (sasfest.org}
• The Lambda Literary Awards, or Lammies, will be held May
29 at the SilverScreen Theatre at the Pacific Design Center in
West Hollywood. {lambdaliterary.org}
• The Golden Crown Literary Conference, which is home to
the Goldies, takes place July 31-Aug. 3, with the awards
ceremony on Aug. 2 at 8:30 p.m., at the Sheraton Wild Horse
Pass Resort in Phoenix. (gclscon.com} - Katie Kaapcke
May 2008
I65
D JOAN NESTLE
The co-founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives,
author and activist Joan Nestle, 68, is still putting it
out there. A tireless defender of civil rights around
the world, Nestle rebukes the powers that be on
her blog, Don't You Ever Stop Talking. Ironically,
this femme lesbian icon, who authored the famed
A FragileUnion,tells us,"When people see me and
Di (Dianne Otto, Nestle's partner] having dinner
or elsewhere in public, they think we are just two
nice old ladies:' Little do they know!
B
BARBARA HAMMER
With over 80 films to her credit, Barbara Hammer,
68, is the consummate chronicler of lesbian life
from the 19th through the 21st centuries. Her
films span genres-from lesbian humor and sexuality to explorations of homophobia to her search
for her ancestors in Ukraine. Hammer uses her
camera lens to filter our heritage-and hers-in
their endless manifestations. Nitrate Kisses, her
only wide-release film, still sets the standard for
lesbian filmmaking.
E
KATE CLINTON
Everyone knows funny woman Kate Clinton, 60,
as the ultimate lesbian comedian. But Clinton,
along with her partner, Urvashi Vaid, is also entrenched in the politics of lesbianism. Starting with
her first performance over 25 years ago, Clinton
has kept pace with lesbian and political life in the
United States. Her current show, Climate Change,
examines current events with a lesbian barometer.
However, Clinton says that ageism has caught up
with her and her colleagues. "I don't get as many
opportunities as I used to. People say they want
something new, different, fresh-which
really
means younger:'
El DEL MARTIN
Del Martin, 86, was married for four years and had
a daughter before she met Phyllis Lyon. While the
rest may be history, it's a history from which all lesbians can learn. Founding the Daughters of Bilitis
and writing one of the early and definitive books on
lesbianism, Lesbian/Woman (1972), were trans-
formative experiences for Martin. "Women still
tell me that the book literally saved their lives;' she
reports. She and Lyon were also the first same-sex
couple in the United States to be issued a marriage
license in San Francisco in 2004.
l3 MINNIE
BRUCE PRATT
In CrimeAgainstNature,poet Minnie Bruce Pratt,
61, gave a voice to lesbians who faced political persecution in the United States. Pratt (mbpratt.org)
lost custody of her two sons when her husband
used her lifestyle to declare her unfit as a parent. Her lesbianism was
deemed a "crime against
nature:• Through it all,
she remained in contact
with her two sons, and
today they have a thriving
relationship. Pratt says,
"We each speak our own
truth about how we are
living, what we are living
and living through. I call struggle my home:• The
femme-identified Pratt is consistently engaged in
dialogue, discussion and collaboration within the
queer community. Her partner, transgender activist
and writer Leslie Feinberg, is her current inspiration and has opened her eyes to new opportunities
for gender expression as well as oppression.
mKATE MILLETT
Kate Millett, 73, burst onto the political stage
when she published her doctoral dissertation,
Sexual Politics,and became a force in what was
then referred to by the media as Women's Lib-a
pejorative that defined feminism in the '60s and
'70s. With the success that book brought, Millett
purschased a farm in upstate New York and turned
it into a women's art colony that is still functioning over two decades later. Millett became a star
in a movement that was determined not to have
stars but was, at least in theory, built on a coalition
model. Millett also came out as a lesbian. A visual
artist, writer and activist, Millett lives and works in
both New York City and Poughkeepsie, N.Y.
D
PHYLLIS LYON
Phyllis Lyon is a dynamo at 83. Having lived with
her partner, Del Martin, in San Francisco for 55
years, she clearly remembers the 'clays of yore"
when being a lesbian was just about the worst
thing a woman could be. Even though she was an
independent woman and a working journalist in
the '40s and '50s, she says that coming out was a
very liberating experience, which allowed her to
bloom in every part of her life.
EJJOAN ELIZABETH BIREN
Many of the photos and films about lesbians that
have been shot in the 20th century are by Joan
Elizabeth Biren (JEB, a tomboyish moniker that
stuck). She has been catching dykes on film of one
sort or another since the beginning of second wavefeminism in the late '60s and the emergence of the
gay and lesbian civil rights movement of the early
'70s. Biren, 63, was an early radical feminist and
lesbian organizer, and a co-founder of the Furies,
a short-lived lesbian separatist organization. Even
though separatism may seem archaic to today's generation, she says it "existed as a solid and safe place
from which lesbians gathered the strength'' to fight
alongside straight feminists and gay men in the
overall movement for civil rights. While Biren finds
that we have made a lot of progress in the queer
community, she believes some people are moving
in the wrong direction by trying to gain access to
institutions "we used to want to dismantle;' such as
marriage and the military.
fl
CHERYL CLARKE
Cheryl Clarke, 60, first published her now classic
essay "Lesbianism: An Act of Resistance" in This
BridgeCalledMy Back:Writingsby RadicalWomen
of Colorin 1981. Coming out of the black power,
civil rights, anti-war, gay liberation and feminist
movements, Clarke wrote powerful prose poetry
and political essays. She is currently a member of
the graduate faculty of Rutgers University in the
Department of Women and Gender Studies and
is the director of the Office of Diverse Community
Affairs and Lesbian-Gay Concerns. Today, some of
her current students challenge the rigorous political notions that she set down on paper more than
two decades ago. "They come in with rebuttals to
the various labels and politics of identity they believe don't jibe with today's more fluid and flexible
gender and political expressions;' she says.
lmJJILL JOHNSTON
With "Lois Lane Is a Lesbian;' her March 4, 1971
diary entry for the Village Voice,dance critic Jill
Johnston, 79, solidified her place in lesbian history.
Her book, Lesbian Nation, is a collection of her
Voicecolumns that defined the lesbian landscape in
1970s New York City. Today, Johnston, along with
her partner, Ingrid Nyeboe (the two were married
in 1993 in Denmark), lives less like a revolutionary and more like a refined and genteel writer of
history and autobiography. Done with staged
public "happenings;' Johnston is approaching her
80s with rhe hope that younger lesbians will take
inspiration from her and other early radicals to create their own mechanisms for change. ■
May 2008
I67
Reviews Sapphic Screen
Small Screen Queens
Queer women of color are taking TV into their own hands.
I By Candace Moore
DATE NIGHT
TBSmayhaveDinner
anda Moviebutnow
we haveourowngaythemedNightat the
Moviesfromhere!network(heretv.com).
Each
Fridaynight,settlein for
the networkpremiereof
oneof here!'sgreatnew
titles.Thenewseries
beganin February
and
kickedoff withfilmssuch
asthe eroticmystery
Unconscious
andthe
scandalous
Margaret
Cho'sAssassins.
And
whatbetterwayto enjoy
theseintriguingmovies
thanwith a bowlof
popcorn?
If you'relike
usandwantto avoid
popcornlung(Google
it, it's real)thenyou'll
wantto try outthe 12cupNordicWareCorn
Popper($12,nordicware.
com).Justthrowsome
kernelsandoil intothis
microwaveable
bowland
voi/~perfect popcorn
that comesout light
andfluffy,withoutthe
potentiallyharmfulfumes
of artificialbutteror the
hassleof a stovetop.
Popcorn
anda gaymovie
ona Fridaynight.It's the
perfectdateat home.
- KatiePeoples
68
Icurve
White and straight characters are now the tokens as the
following shows focus on colorful queer lives and communi,
ties. Director Amber Sharp's engaging pilot Don't Go played
the film festival circuit last year, winning the Blue Flame Award
for Best Director at the Oakland Black LGBT film festival in
California. We're rooting fo~ it to get picked up as a cable series.
U Peopleand Playing Spades are serial webisodes available for
download at Jengo TV.com, an LGBT people of color media
network aimed at diversity.
Don't Go (A. Sharp Productions): The pilot episode
of director Amber Sharp's MelrosePlace for queer women of
color introduces us to buddies Jaden (Melange La Vonne) and
Bone (Sklyer Cooper) on a sunny day, two bois breaking a
sweat while working out in the sand in Long Beach County,
Calif. When Jaden gets uncommonly queasy, Bone teases Jaden
about her femme,y girlfriend Melody (Go Fish'sGuin Turner),
who is intersex, wondering aloud if Melody's been "sticking
it" and if she's shooting blanks (or perhaps not). Drama does
indeed unfold at the Los Angeles fourplex where lovers Jaden
and Melody are the landladies and the lives of their friends
and neighbors intersect and entangle around them. In the
first episode, a long,lost father is found, we're let in on a big
secret Bone has been keeping, the results of a pregnancy test
shake things up and new tenant Shanti (Nisha Ganatra) moves
into the complex, running away from her family, who want to
arrange her marriage. Light, funny, and true,to,life moments
elevate the soapy stuff. Despite carrying quite a few story lines,
this dramedy flies, perhaps due to its fresh characters. The
actors are obviously having fun in their roles and it shows.
(dontgotheseries.com)
0
0
U People (JengoTV): Hanifah
Walidah and Olive
Demetrius are a charming butch,femme couple who make
sweet, sweet art together. On Jengo TV, they let us into their
process, sharing their latest film project with viewers in this
free podcast documentary series. Fifteen,minute,long webi,
sodes take us behind,the,scenes to their apartment, where
they frame their ideas and flirt with each other and the cam,
era, and onto the streets, where their U Peoplecorrespondent,
Gloria Bigelow, chats with Brooklyn, N.Y., residents about
moments when they've felt (or been made to feel) "different,
other, or outside the box:' Believing that "mostly everybody's
America's misunderstood;' Walidah and Demetrius cultivate a
forum for a culturally diverse array of everyday people to tell
stories of feeling othered, in order to heal and be heard. They
also treat the camera to spins, dancing at Ubiquita, a New York
Queens of the Small Screencontinued on page 70
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transferred
to herdomestic
partner,StacieAndree.Hester
wasdiagnosed
withterminal
lungcancerin 2004andshe
hadhopedthatwiththe help
of herpension,
Andreewould
beableto affordto keeptheir
homeafterHesterpassed
away.However,
the board
of electedofficialsin Ocean
County,knownasfreeholders,
refusedto transferthe pension.
Theincidentsparkeda pasElDoctor,
JoyStreet&
sionateresponse
frommemAsparagus
(FirstRun
bersof the community,
who
Features):
Thiscollection
believedthat hadthe women
of animatedshortfilmsis a
beena heterosexual
couple,
mesmerizing
visualandaudithetransferwouldnothave
torytreat.In eachshort,Suzan beenan issue.Afterattending
Pitttakesus intoa dreamworld a communitymeetingin which
wherefamiliarshapesandfigpeoplewereoutragedbythe
uresmovein waysneverbefore decisionof thefreeholders,
imagined.
Weareintroduced
Wadeknewshehadto make
to characters
whosedesolate
thisfilm. (freeheld.com)
- KP
sadnessandexplosiverediscoveryof life radiateon-screen
throughbrilliantpaintingsand
scrupulously
matchedsounds.
At timesdelightfullyunnerving,theseshortspromisean
enchanting
journeythrough
the surreal.Additionally,
the
DVDfeaturesa short,insightful
documentary
aboutPittand
all the workthat goesintoher
films.(firstrunfeatures.com)
-Kamala Puligandla
AndBabyMakesTwo(First
Run):Eachyear,thousands
of womengivebirthwithouta
manin theirlives.Whetherthey
arelesbianor straight,the processremainsthe same.Forthe
groupof womenprofiledin And
BabyMakesTwo,becoming
a
motherwasoftenthe resultof
yearsof effort.Thefilmmakersbeganfollowinga group
of eightwomenin NewYork
Cityin the late'90s,watching
Freeheld
(Lieutenant
Films): as eachquestioned
herown
Controversial
filmmakerCynthia reasonsfor wantinga child,
Wade'sAcademy
Award-winincludingwhetherhavinga
ningdocumentary,
Freeheld,
biologicalchildis criticallyimchroniclesDetective
Lieutenant portant.Foranysinglemother,
LaurelHester'sfightto have
theirups-and-downs
arefaherNewJerseypolicepension miliarastheystrugglethrough
thedifficultiesof beingsingle
workingmoms.Foranyonein
the decision-making
stageof
motherhood,
AndBabyMakes
Twopaintsa morecomplicated
imageof the process,onethat
canonlyhelpsortoutmyth
fromrealitywhenit comesto
parenthood.
(firstrunfeatures
.com)- Teresa
Coates
I Had to Have It
A woman in control of sex
is still a rarity.
TheOriginalLatinDivas
ofComedy(Payaso
Entertainment):
Fourfierce
Latinasshareonestageand
celebratewomenin this
completely
enjoyable
standupcomedy.SaraContreras,
SandraValls,MoniqueMarvez
andMarilynMartinezmake
upthe powerhouse
foursome.
Unfortunately,
theshortest
setcomesfrom
unabashed
lesbianSandraValls,
shownabove,who
uproariously
instructsmenon how
to pleasea woman.
Thebrazenwit of
the lateMarilyn
Martinez,
wholosta
battlewithcancera
yearaftertheshow's
taping,compensates
viewersfor Valls'
shortset.Sheandherfellow
divasmakethis DVDpleasing
for everyone.
WhenI wasn't
loudlyguffawing,I wasthoroughlyengagedin thesharp
storytelling
of thesesparkling
comedians.
(www.payaso.us)
-Aislinn Clevenger
I spenta yearstudyingat Xavier
University,
the country'sonlyAfrican
AmericanCatholicuniversity,
andamong
the manythingsI cameawaywith wasan
almostferociousloveof SpikeLeefilms.
DotheRightThingis still a breathtakingmasterpiece,
andI havenothing
butwarm,fuzzymemorieswheneverI
popin the DVDof SchoolDaze-a film
that reflecteda lot of myownuniversity
experiences
that year.ThoughLee'swork
is nolongeras marginalized
as it once
was(InsideManand25thHourwereboth
blockbuster
films),I'm still partialto his
earlywork.Myfave:a little 1986flick
calledShe'sGottaHaveIt, in whichNola
Darling,playedbythe cuteandslightly
butchyTracyCamillaJohns,is a sexually
adventurous
womanbeingcourtedby
threemenandonewoman.
Thelatter,Darling'sbest
lesbianfriend,Opal,is
playedby RayeDowell,
who,interestingly,
had
bit partson Law& Order
andLivingSinglebefore
turningto producing,
with 2003'sprotofeminist
classic,Virgin.She's
GottaHavelttook a lot
of criticism-a flick
aboutsexualpromiscuity just as HIV/AIDS
wasreallyhitting
wasboundto-but a lot of lesbiansof
colorviewedit as a funnyfeministfilm in
whicha womanis in controlof herown
sexuality(oneof thefew,still),a lesbian
getsscreentime,andmenareruefully
skeweredas rathercluelessto whatit
all means.(mgm.comldvd)
- Diane
Anderson-Minshall
May 2008
I69
Q+A
Kat Feller
Waiting 20 years to out yourself to former classmates
sounds like an absolute nightmare. How about waiting
all those years and having it be televised for anyone in
the United States to see? Welcome to Kat Feller's world.
Feller, who is a successful voice-over animation artist,
put a relationship on hold to join the cast of High School
Reunion, where she busts out, discusses her secret
crushes and decides that telling former friends you are
a lesbian can be positive, rewarding and a should-do
experience. - ColleenM. Lee
Why did you need to come out to your high
school classmates?
The reason I felt like I needed to come out to my classmates was because it's something I've been sitting on for
the last 20 years. Some people had probably found out about it by word of mouth, but I just
wanted to clarify the rumor myself, in person. To make it true and make it known-it is a fact
and not just a rumor, and that it's OK and I'm proud and I don't care.
You were a bit hesitant to tell the girls you were gay. Was that you reverting back to
being 16 and in high school?
When you're sitting in a room full of straight girls and everybody's talking about their marriages
and their accomplishments and what their husbands and boyfriends are doing, it's a little bit in
the back of your mind: "I really want these girls to accept me:' It's definitely nerve-wracking. Not
knowing how they're going to respond. Hoping they're going to respond in a certain way. I was
definitely nervous.
So do you feel as if you conquered your insecurities on the show?
I actually do think it has changed. I feel like now that I've gotten rid of this weight on my shoulders
I can go through life with, "OK, I've got the acceptance of my family, I've got the acceptance of
my peers. Now after 20 years, I finally have the acceptance of my classmates:'
Quite a burden to carry for 20 years.
Yeah, I know. It does make it a lot easier to know that you've got that weight off, and you can move
on and do your thing and be OK with it. Really, the bottom line for me, and this has been my
motto my whole life: As long as my parents accept me and love me, I truly don't really care about
society. But it is nice to know that people that you grew up with, your friends that trust you and
that you hung out with, accept you as well, because they were your family too then.
Queens of the Small Screen continued from page 68
City club, and other hotspots. U Peoplegets to the
political vis-a-vis the personal; the show offers viewers a close look at Walidah and Demetrius's lives,
highlights local cultures and showcases on-the-fly
interviews with passersby. All the segments feel
positive, relaxed and spontaneous. Walidah and
Demetrius also generously invite viewers to "holla
back" on their website and upload videos with
their own "U People stories." (jengotv.com)
Playing
Spades
(JengoTV):
Affairs,
jealousy, catfights, 3 a.m. phone calls and many
other "intimate details" are front and center in this
high-stakes game of lesbian love. Islande Evans
(Tonya Fore-Holston) is introduced by the
Internet serial's narrator as a "poised woman with
an aggressive stance" who "with a beer, puff and a
smile" can't help but play, but soon finds herself
"embroiled in a love triangle:' A powerful professional woman who has her shit together but still
likes to party, Islande lets passion rile her up in
her private life. We get to peek in at a player beset
by plenty of sexy female melodrama in this soap
opera with no stops. Well, there are four, technically, if you purchase the episode in five parts on
Jengo TV (your money helps facilitate more media
by LGBT people of color). The show is also on
DVD. You never know which hand will be dealt
next in PlayingSpades,a show based on the Girls
Around the Way novels by Deardria Nesbitt, but
whatever it is, it's bound to get steamy.(jengotv.com)
■
So ...did you flirt with any of the women on in the house?
Oh God! I did flirt with some of the girls in the house. All the girls in the house were really so sweet
and so beautiful, and they actually brought one of my high school crushes on.
Since we're on the subject of women, who would you date on TV?
Oh God, from a reality show? From The L Word, for sure. Remember Carmen? She's definitely
the epitome of my type of woman. She was beautiful and just carried herself well.. .and (was)
voluptuous and sexy.
I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that.
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show that's like, "OK, she'd be nice to take out on a date:' At least not that I can think of at the
moment. I think I like the Jennifer Garner type. The dark hair, dark-eyed, cute-girl face, long
hair, feminine. I like the feminine girls. I don't tend to go for the more butchier types, although
I can appreciate them. ■
70
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In the Stacks Reviews
Changing Tactics
These good reads highlight thinking outside the box. I By Rachel Pepper
Two new nonfiction books present important perspectives on
Using real case studies, Polikoff makes a strong case that
critical issues today-Nancy Polikoff reframes the gay marriage
debate and INCITE l's anthology Color of Violence presents in,
furthering the legal protections for all people, regardless of re,
novative strategies to end violence against women of color.
lationship status, will help the LGBT community more than
marriage itself. A harder path to imagine, perhaps, but a realis,
tic message that activists would do well to heed. (beacon.org)
Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage, Nancy D.
Polikoff (Beacon Press): Gay marriage is the topic of
many recently published books. While I understand the need
for the rights that institutions such as marriage can provide,
I've always felt that marriage itself is fundamentally flawed.
Why emulate something that feminists have challenged for
so many years in the name of LGBT progress:' Thus, I have
visualize the shaping of their collective vision into a compila,
wondered for some time
why LGBT writers haven't
tion such as this one. The group, which has chapters in many
U.S. cities as well as internationally, envisions ending racism,
challenged
the
notion that marriage is the
key to all partner and family
legal protections. By protect,
ing only "married" couples,
a two,tier system of rights
would develop within the
BEYOND
{STRAIGHT
AND GAY)
MARRIAGE
law Nancy Polikoff tries
to steer the argument in· a
NANCY D. POLIKOFF
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new direction. Her book
Beyond (Straight a·nd Gay)
Marriage: Valuing All Families under the Law is part of a se,
ries from Beacon Press edited by Michael Bronski and seeks
to address important intellectual questions facing the LGBT
movement. Polikoff's book comes just in time. She proposes
family law reform "that would recognize all families' worth:'
Most importantly, she writes, "Marriage as a family form is
not more important or valuable than other forms of family, so
the law should not give it more value:' Further, she advocates
for "solutions to the needs all families have for economic well,
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fighting patriarchal and gender oppression and promoting
social justice and liberation for all people. This book is a callee,
tion of essays that seeks to transcend the politics of inclusion "to
actually
address
the
concerns
of
women
of
color;'
including ending violence against women of color-both
systematic violence and
domestic
violence
in
families and communities.
As such, many essays deal
LGBT community. Hardly
a solution to inequality.
The esteemed professor of
z
first Color of Violence Conference, which took place in Santa
Cruz, Cali£ Organized by INCITE! for feminist women of
color, the conference gathered 2,000 activists, who began to
actually
w
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Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology (South
End Press): The idea for this collection began in 2000 at the
being, legal recognition, emotional peace of mind and com,
munity respect:' Polikoff examines how the gay and anti,gay
rights movements have focused almost exclusively on mar,
riage as the central LGBT cause, to the detriment of the actual
LGBT movement. Indeed, she writes, "The focus on access to
specifically with variations
on this theme-includ,
ing Andrea J. Ritchie's
"Law Enforcement Violence
Against Women of Color;'
Rosa Linda Fregoso's "The
Complexities of Feminicide'
on the Border;' and "The
Medicalization of Domestic
Violence" by Ana Clarissa
Rojas Durazo. There are
essays on women in prison
and women in shelters, as well as an essay on how women of
color are affected by our heightened "national security:' In fact,
INTERN'S
PICK
TheGayUncle'sGuide
to Parenting,
Brett
Berk(ThreeRivers
Press):Areyouready
for a realisticapproach
to parenting?
In his
book,BrettBerk,M.S.
Ed.,navigates
through
parentingwith an
"outsideapproach,"
becausesometimes
parentslosetouchwith
theirownneeds.For
example,hesaysan
intervention
is needed
whenit's beena
decadesinceparents
havehada nightout
alone.In eachchapter,
Berkthoroughly
explainsimportant
lessons(garnered
from
hisexperiences
as an
educator,
hisfamilyand
his personalrelationships).Issuesrange
fromtoilettrainingto
talkson sexuality.Be
preparedfor some
straighttalk fromyour
newgayuncle.
(threeriverspress.
com)
- LibertyValez
every essay in this collection reveals another critical aspect of
being a woman of color in the United States today. Most are
written by academics, but some are by activists, and all include
women from a broad spectrum of racial and ethnic affiliations.
marriage may be constricting the imagination of advocates for
LGBT families who attribute every problem a same,sex couple
A piece by TransJustice highlights the importance of think,
ing beyond the gender binary to achieve equality. A poem "on
trying to love without fear;' by Maiana Minahal, provides a
experiences to marriage discrimination:' In fact, when Polikoff
examines countries (like Canada) where laws protecting
unmarried couples-straight
and gay-predated gay marriage
legislation, she shows that while marriage was a civil rights
victory, LGBT families there "were already fully recognized:'
reflective pause before the start of the book's endnotes.
Although the book is more academically inclined than one the
average reader might embrace, it is an excellent starting point
for understanding some of the issues today for women of color
actively working for social change. (incite,national.org) ■
May 2008 j 71
Q+A
PAGE TURNERS
Charlotte
Mendelson
The next big name in lesbian
literature is a curly-haired, 35-yearold Jew from Oxford, England, who
fellow lesbian author Sarah Waters
tells us is already "one of the most
accomplished novelists in the U.K:'
American readers are among the last
to discover Charlotte Mendelson,
but now we have our chance, thanks
to the U.S. print of her third novel,
When We Were Bad, a wickedly funny
tale of a dysfunctional Jewish family.
- LeeAnn Kriegh
What compels you to write about families that are falling apart?
Weve all had a family; were all the way we are because of them, even if
were reacting against them. And keeping secrets in a family-particularly,of course, if it's "I like ladies"-can be hell. So, as a novelist, they're
a fantastic theme: People under pressure-what could be better?
In three more words, why is the Rubin family in When We Were
Bad falling apart?
Sex and lies.
In three words, what's the secret to having a happy family?
Move far away.
Tell me about Frances, the elder daughter in your novel.
Oh, Frances ... ! love her. She's crushed by being the daughter of a
glamorous, successful, domineering woman; by being married to a
nice, dull man; by being married, full stop. And she doesn't have the
confidence, at first, to look beyond this. But, my dear, she will.
Did you need to do any research to portray the· drag king who
helps Frances explore her sexuality?
Sadly, no. Perhaps because my womanly exterior conceals a tomboyish
heart, I've always found androgyny sexy, and what could be more
thrilling than noticing a beautiful man, and then noticing breasts?
Before you wrote your first novel, did you think about how the
coming-out experience had been portrayed in other novels?
Not at all; I just sat down to write it, and what emerged was the story of
a girl, new to the big city, who spent a lot of time masturbating on the
sofa and thinking about her aunt.
Do you wish you could change your first book now, with the
added wisdom of the past few years?
Yes. I'd have a better plot woven in with the masturbation.
Do you remember the first fictional lesbian you came across?
So many of my favorites were probably lesbians who hadn't realized it
yet-Harriet
the Spy, what a dyke-but I can't remember the first
obvious one. I did have crushes on most of thirtysomething-does
that count? ■
72
Icurve
sharetheirinspirations,
the lessonsthey
learnedandthestory
of whatit hastaken
to createsomeof
the mostpopular
musicin theworld.
(dacapopress.com)
- Kamala
K.Puligandla
Unmarketable,
Anne
Elizabeth
Moore
(TheNewPress):
Long-timepunk
scenememberand
zinefounderAnne
Elizabeth
Moore
exploreswhathappens
to the underground
whenit becomes
just
anotherplatformfor
shillingproducts.She
takesa criticallook
at theadvertising
agenciesthatadopt
DIVmethodsto target
a youthaudienceand
the membersof the
underground
who
have"soldout" and
forwardedcorporate
marketingagendas.
(thenewpress.
com)
-Katie Peoples
In theNameof
theFather,Gerri
Hill(BellaBooks):
Detectives
Tori
HunterandSamantha
Kennedy
areback
in this murder
mysteryinvolvinga
Catholicpriestwho
is discovered
naked
andstrangled.
The
investigation
brings
to lightthesecretsof
this popularpriestand
revealsanunexpected
sexscandal.
(bellabooks.
com)
-KKP
accomplished
activists
showsuswhatwe
mighthavemissed
whenHurricane
Katrinafirst struck,
unapologetically
revealingthe race
andclassissues
at playduringthe
government's
initial
response
andlater
reconstruction
efforts.MandyCarter,
a self-described
"outsouthernblack
lesbiansocialjustice
activist"focusesher
piece,"Southerners
on NewGround"on
thestrugglesspecific
to the displaced
queercommunity.
It's an important
additionto anyqueer
poli-scilibrary.
(southendpress.
org)
- Catherine
Plato
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public
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Music Watch
Reviews
Spring Forward
I
Three great artists usher in change. By Margaret Coble
Spring is all about new beginnings, growth and change, and
this month's featured artists-all of whom are in the midst of
their own personal and musical evolutions-are the perfect
accompaniment to the season's sassy spirit.
Dreaming Of Revenge, Kaki King {Velour
Music): Moving further along in her growth from acoustic
instrumentalist to indie singer-songwriter, the out-lesbian guitar
virtuoso offers up her fourth full-length album, a mix of dreamy,
atmospheric instrumentals and sparse, folk-pop vocals. Fans
en
will recall that 2006's Until We Felt Red was the first time King
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tar-based, instrumental discs that put her in the
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[fl
whispery vocals, electric guitars and drum loops
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got her more attention from the mainstream. In
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the last two years, King has branched out into
6
z
g_ film scores and soundtracks-she was recently
nominated for a Golden Globe for her work on
~
the original score for the Sean Penn-directed Into
~
en the Wild-as well as collaborating with bands
5
g like the Foo Fighters and Tegan and Sara. The
i
latter's influence can be heard on the edgy "Pull Me Out Alive;'
while the more sedate break-up odes "Life Being What It Is" and
"2 O'Clock" recall the intimate, confessional indie pop of Mirah.
The balance of the album is filled with melodic soundscapes and
Electrelane-like shoegazers, each equally as compelling as any of
the vocal cuts. All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable listen that shows
King coming further into her own. (kakiking.com)
Break the Spell, Ellis (Rubberneck Records): One
of my favorite modern troubadours, Minneapolis-based lesbian singer-songwriter Ellis, is back with her sixth album of
impeccable, soul-searching and life-affirming acoustic folk-pop
compositions. Self-discovery is tricky lyrical territory, to be sure, but Ellis does it so
well-never once slipping into cheesiness,
and ever-so-openly taking us, the listeners,
along on her personal journey. The lead-off
single,"How Would It Be;' is an upbeat carpe
diem anthem challenging self-awareness and
profoundly asking "What if heaven and hell
was right nowt The hopeful title track continues with the theme of spiritual awakening and consciousness, while the poignant
"Words You Said" and "Before You Leave"
deal with the complexities oflosing someone
YouDo,FearMia:
A trulyeclecticmix
of bluegrass,
funk,
folk andacoustic
rock,FearMia
defies
categories
andcreates
a soundall its own.
Thebandformed
at the prestigious
California
Instituteof
theArtsandhasmade
a namefor itselfin Los
Angeles.Frontwoman
AbbyPosner'svoice
is throaty,heavyand
simplyintoxicating.
Withan instrumentlist
rangingfromelectric
bassto mandolin,
celloto violin,youknow
youarein storefor a
lively,cutting-edge
listen.Lyricsabout
love,relationships
and
heartache
aresincere
andrelatable.FearMia's
soundis fresh,addictiveanddestined
to haveaudiences
on
theirfeet.MixDave
Matthewswith a heavy
doseof AniDiFranco
andadda wholelot of
fun andthat'sFearMia
.
(fearmia.com)-Katie
Kaapcke
May 2008
I 73
iI
I
Janet Is Back
That's Miss Jackson if you're nasty. By Stephanie Schroeder
Having won nearly every existing music award several times over, Janet Jackson's sexually powerful
and confident on-stage presence speaks to women of all genders. At 42, Jackson seems to be on top
of the world. Even with reports about declining sales of her past two albums, she was 2007's the
most-searched person on the World Wide Web according to the Guinness World Records, she is still
the seventh richest woman in entertainment according to Forbes Magazine and she is still partnered
with Jermaine Dupri, a younger man and head of urban music at her new label Island/Def Jam
Records, which released Jackson's new album, Discipline in February. It's full of classic Janet, upbeat
dance tracks, lamenting love songs and erotically charged yet cryptically messaged featured tracks
"Feedback" and "Discipline:•
With a very small off-stage voice, Jackson, explaining the title of her new album, sounds not like
the sexy, sassy, powerful single-named Janet we see
onstage and in the media, but like a little girl, and indeed a little girl a bit lost in the midst of all the public
adoration and media scrutiny.
"There are different meanings of 'discipline; the
most important of which is the discipline and focus
of my youth, sending myself off to work;' she says.
[Jackson starred in, beginning in 1976, TheJacksons,
Good Times, A New Kind of Different Family, Dijf'rent
Strokes and finally came into her own on Fame.]
'i\t age 10 or 11, and not having my parents there
to manage me, I had to set my alarm myself to wake
up early, get myself ready and get to the studio all by
mysel£ Discipline is also;•Janet says in her tiny, almost inaudible voice, "about going into the studio
and recording and writing different melodies:•
--
Janet discusses touring and the process behind
it, the whole network of people and technology that
make up a tour and hold it together. "What everyone sees-the fashion, the order of the songs, the
choreography-I am involved in every aspect of that, which I think is unusual for a performer. Usually
singers are just told to stand here and move there and do this and do that. And the order of songs is
pre-arranged. For my shows, I carefully choose how and when I perform particular songs:•
She emphasizes it's not about capital C control (the title of her 1986 album from which six songs
hit Billboard's Hot 100 and five made it to the Top 5) but rather, she wants people to understand that
it's about her. "It's all me. It's coming from me directing and having input into every aspect of all my
shows. And I want people to know my music and my performances come from my heart:'
Jackson, who says that she's enjoying her 40s and her life with Dupri, also critiqued the way older
women's sexuality often flies under the radar."Women peak in our 40s and it's as if sex isn't supposed
to happen anymore as it did in our 20s;' she says. "If were at our peak, why not do it as long as it's
there to enjoy?"
Jackson says that her large lesbian and huge gay male fan base can "see how much [she loves) them''
and that she doesn't care about the lingering rumors she may be a lesbian or bisexual. "Those rumors
will always abound. It doesn't bother me;' Jackson says. Shes certainly special among queers, lesbian
and otherwise. In fact, Jackson received a special award from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Again~~
Defamation during its 19th Annual GLAAD Media Awards ceremony this spring for forging efforts
to create a more inclusive society.In the same vein,Jackson was awarded the Human Rights Campaign's
Humanitarian Award in 2005 for her charity work raising funds for HNI AIDS organizations. "I
have said lots of times that I think we all have a job to do on earth and my job is to help people;• she
says.'i\nd I haven't done enough by any means, but I am trying in every way I know how:• ■
74
Icurve
you love. The perky "Red Light" and "Hurricane"
are the catchiest cuts on the disc, already fan favorites due to their previous release on last year's fivetrack demo disc Ellis (available via her website).
The album closes with a reworked version of the
sweet "Twisted Roads;• which dates back to 1998,
and an elegant instrumental guitar piece, "Lake
Calhoun:' Not many artists can get away with this
level of introspection without being labeled "too
woo;' but Ellis is that rare performer who transcends all cliches and is pure light and love. If you
think your spirit needs some lifting-and even if
you don't-this album will do it. (ellis-music.com)
Just a Little Lovin', Shelby Lynne (Lost
Highway): Alabama-native Shelby Lynne is a
rarity in the music world, a true maverick who
crosses genres and audiences while always staying
true to hersel£ Though her early career took a stab
at the Nashville country"establishment-not
terribly successful, despite a 2001 Grammy for Best
New Artist-her recent work shows her carving
out her own roots-pop niche, and this latest set
might just be her big breakthrough. Nine out of
10 tracks on this sparse, jazzy, acoustic-soul album are covers of lesbian icon Dusty Springfield
classics. (The 10th song, "Pretend;' is an original ballad that fits in nicely with the rest of the
set.) It would be a risky endeavor for any lesser
artist to take on someone as revered and beloved
as Springfield, but Lynne really makes the songs
her own, while at the same time paying respect
to an artist with whom she shares much in common-not the least of which is her ambiguous
sexuality. (Speculation has run rampant over the
years, but in recent interviews, Lynne has basically
admitted to being, shall we say, less than straight,
with statements like,"Honey, I've done it all-I go
where the love is:') Lynne's husky Southern drawl
may not bear much resemblance to Springfield's
sophisticated, British, blue-eyed soulfulness, but
it fits these songs like a glove, particularly the
more country-rockin' "Breakfast in Bed" and
"Willie and Laura Mae Jones:• But even the more
intimate torch songs like "The Look of Love" and
"Just a Little Lovin'" are aptly wrapped in Lynne's
emotive twang, adding a level of vulnerability that
Dusty would surely approve of. Sublimely beautiful-I can't stop playing it. (shelbylynne.com) ■
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OTHER LICKS
it backto old-schoolstyle,this
ningsolodebutof 11 eclectic
two-discset of classicsoul
originals.(annastafford.
com)
anddiscofromthe legendary
husband-and-wife
duofeatures
manyout-of-printandpromoonly12-inchremixesfromtheir
'70s and'80s catalog,coupled
with ninenewremixesof
dance-floor
favoriteslike"Found
a Cure"and"BourgieBourgie."
(rhino.com)
Satisfied,
TaylorDayne
(Intention):
Aftera 10-year
recordinghiatus,the soulful divabelovedby gaymen
andlesbiansalikeis backand
soundingbetterthanever.This
is a solidpop-dancealbumwith
somesure-firehits,including
the lead-off"Beautiful"and
the morerockin'"I'm OverMy
Head."(taylordayne.com)
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SafeInsidetheDay,Baby
Dee(DragCity):Soundinglike
RufusWainwrighton acid,the
Cleveland-born
performance
artist,singer/songwriter,
pianisVharpist
andtranslegend
deliversan arty,theatricalset
that'struly unclassifiable.
The
upbeatsingalong"TeethAre
the OnlyBonesThatShow"and
bawdy"BigTittyBeeGirl(from
DinoTown)"aretwo of the more
accessible,
fun cutsonthe 11trackdisc.(babydee.org)
11i, SupremeBeingsof
Leisure(Rykodisc):
"Sexy
musicfor sexypeople"Supreme
Beingsof Leisuresayontheir
MySpace
pageandI couldn't
agreemore.Spookysoundscapesmeetlopinglounge
beatsonthisthirdalbumfrom
theco-edLosAngeles-based
duoknownfor theirsophisticatedelectronic
pop.(sbleisure.com)
WatchtheSky,PattyLarkin
ONDVD
(Vanguard):
Theveteranrootsfolk singer-songwriter
goesDIY
OLIVIA NEWTON--JOHN
with a new12-cutalbumcompletelywritten,recordedand
producedon herown,resulting
in an emotionally
intimateand
technicallycreativemasterpiece
filledwith inventiveinstrumentation-as exemplified
bythe
string-filledtrip-hopper"Phone
Message."(patty!arkin.
com)
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StringMusic,AnnaStafford
(SanGabrielMusic):If the
conceptof rockviolinmusic
soundsinterestingto you,
Staffordis yourgirl. Bestknown
for herworkontheVitamin
RecordsStringQuartetTribute
series,whichpayshomagevia
stringquartetsto rockbandsas
diverseasAC/DC,
the Grateful
TheWarnerBros.Years:
Hits, DeadandLimpBizkit,the
Remixes
andRarities,
Ashford virtuosonowoffersthis stunandSimpson
(Rhino):
Taking
OliviaNewton-John
andthe
Sydney
Symphony
Orchestra:
Liveat theSydneyOpera
House(EMI):Released
with
the companion
10-trackOlivia's
LiveHitsCD,thistwo-hour
videoconcertbythe still-ashot-and-golden-piped-aseverinternational
superstar
showcases
27 of hercareerhits,
fromherearlycountryyears,
to worldwidesmashesfrom
Grease
andXanadu,
to '80s
farelike"Physical"andmore
recentnumberslike"CanI Trust
YourArms,"writtenwith her
daughter,
Chloe.(olivianewtonjohn.com)
- MC
May 2008
I 75
Reviews
Tech Girl
Toys for Your Inner Geek
I
For this Apple fan, the computer giant's expo was a dream come true. By Ondine Kilker
Dream job? I was "assigned" to go to Macworld, the Apple expo in San Francisco. That's like being "forced" to go
to Disneyworld when you're 8 years old, or like being"made" to go to Dinah Shore Weekend and report on who
caught your eye. My only real challenge was to decide which products to cover. So, of all the many fun things
Macworld had to offer, I've narrowed my reporting down to four products.
Thin Is In
The MacBook Air (MBA) was definitely the highlight of the show. The
adage that you can never be too thin finally does apply-and weighing in at a mere three pounds and less than an inch thick the MBA
defines sleek. But Steve and Co. clearly want folks to go Zen and embrace a nonphysical world, and the CD/DVD driveless MBA reinforces Apple's recent announcement that digital movie files can now be
rented and downloaded in minutes from iTunes. (Take that, Netflix.)
The MBA also has an ecofriendly, mercury-free LCD display with arsenic-free glass and a recyclable aluminium casing. On the downside, the
battery is not user-replaceable. ($1,800 and up, apple.com)
You Talk, It Types
With MacSpeech Dictate comma you can actually talk to your computer, period. New sentence. OK, so you have to speak the punctuation
marks as well, but it's still sweet. The ability to speak to your computer
helps not only those who need a third hand, or might have a mobility
impairment, but if you're into voice/ speech control for your operating
system, this software seamlessly switches between these two modes
with a simple spoken command. MacSpeech Dictate requires an Intelbased Macintosh, running Mac OS X version 10.4.11 or higher. ($200
and up, macspeech.com)
Your Personal Robo
So why is Drobo so great? It backs up your data and you don't have to
• think about it. You name it: music, movies, important files, emails, chats,
porn. It protects your data automatically, while displaying pretty colored
lights to let you know what's going on. But remember, when updating
your operating system, unplug all peripheral devices as it has a tendency
to write over their software. For the real techie rock star, there's the "addon" DroboShare that allows you to share files with other users, like your
girlfriend, wife or one-night stand. (Drobo, $500; DroboShare, $200,
drobo.com)
Style Sounds So Sweet
From top: The oh-so-sexy MacBook Air, MacSpeech
Dictate is your girl friday, Drobo will save your tax
returns and your porn, and cute and sexy Vestalife
Ladybug speakers
76
I
curve
The stylish and compact Vestalife Ladybug speaker dock for iPod
is the 21st century's insect offspring of an '80s boom box mating
with a Sony Walkman-cute
and tren4y, yet surprisingly powerful.
Besides having a universal dock and an AC recharger for your iPod, the
Ladybug features flip-out speaker "wings" and a subwoofer for superior
sound. Now you can take your earbuds out and get bustin' wherever you
are. ($110 and up, special edition $125,vesta-life.com) ■
EDITOR'S
PICK
Heavenly
Sword:
Youare Nariko,the
beautifulwarriorwho
mustusethe Heavenly
Swordto defeatKing
Bohan.ButNarikois
racingagainstthe
clock:Whoeveruses
the Heavenly
Sword
feelstheir life slowly
drainingaway.A compellingstory,cinematic
graphicsanda vast
arrayof weaponsand
combosmademestart
to droola little.This
hack'n' slashgame
for the Playstation
3
alsofeaturesa hint
of a lesbianrelationshipbetweenNariko
andthe deadlyarcher
Kai.Gottalovethose
homoerotic
undertones.(RatedM,$60,
heavenlysword.com)
- KatiePeoples
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I Tried It Reviews
It's Always Best to Be Prepared
Alas, there is a difference between a boi scout and a Boy Scout.
I recently agreed to go whitewater rafting with some friends and
fancied myself quite a good sport for being so amenable. Had I
known in advance that the weekend we chose for our outing was
the same two days that the rafting company was hosting a Boy
Scout Jamboree, perhaps I would have reconsidered.
The ubiquitous Boy Scouts posed no particular threat to my
fairly traditional-looking lesbian friends, none of whom are ever
mistaken for pubescent boys. I, on the other hand, am routinely
challenged by the truancy police for being out on the street
during school hours, even though I am well into my fourth decade of life.
As we unloaded our gear, grown men in scoutmaster
uniforms asked, on three separate occasions, where "my buddy"
was. However, when I looked perplexed and shrugged, they
quickly let the matter drop, so I assumed that would be the end
of the confusion.
6
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When we were boarding the buses for the take-off point,
where we were going to put our rafts into the water, I got herded away from
my friends and looked up to find myself surrounded by unfamiliar young
male faces. For a moment I thought I might have to pull out a breast or two
to convince the scoutmaster to let me off the bus, but instead I just looked
pained and said, "I gotta, um, go;' which he interpreted as the universal cry of
a child to whom nature is calling.
As I made my way back to my friends, it did occur to me that I should add
some kind of significant age or gender marker to my outfit that day. Perhaps a
huge pink bow in my hair, or a laminated copy of my driver's license around my
neck, would have been ideal. But this was never more than a passing thought,
I Kelli Dunham
as I was fixated on only two things-looking
as cool as possible in my ill-fitting wet suit
and not falling out of the raft.
I should have been more worried about
the latter than the former, because after being on the river less than 15 minutes, a large
wave hit my side of the raft. My desperate
grip and almost-cool look were not enough
to keep me from being jettisoned into the
water.
Within moments of my splashdown, a
scoutmaster had jumped into the water and
was swimming toward me. Thanks to my life
vest, I was bobbing easily in the water and
squinting to look for my friends. The scoutmaster, however, had clearly mistaken me for
one of his young charges and thought my life
was in immediate peril.
I don't know if you've ever been
saved when you're not actually drowning, but it's a fair amount of work for
both people. After a rather protracted
rescue, he got me into the raft.
What followed was a long awkward silence after he realized he hadn't
rescued a drowning Boy Scout, but
had annoyed an adult female. The Boy
Scout motto is "Be Prepared" but I have
a feeling nothing in his life had prepared
Mr. Helpypants for that moment.
I wasn't prepared for the next few
hours either, since I spent them in the
boat with the Boy Scouts, more than
100 yards away from my friends. When
the Boy Scouts thought I wasn't looking, they snuck glances at each other.
One mouthed, "Why does he have
boobs?" and pointed to my chest. One
particularly brave lad even reached over,
tapped my leg and asked, "What troop are you from?"
I answered, ''A drag troupe, OK?" but I don't think that cleared it up for
him at all.
Preoccupied as they were with me, the Boy Scouts were not paying
much attention to the commands of the guides and, because of our collective
inaction, our small raft flipped no fewer than seven times.
Three hours later, as we bailed desperately in hopes of emptying our raft
enough to float back to our ending point, one of the Cub Scouts wailed, "I
wish this were just a video game I was playing:'
I nodded and said, "Me too, little man, me too:• ■
May 2008
I
77
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Top Ten ReasonsWe Love NathalieGaulthier+ Hope Hall
Nathalie Gaulthier and Hope Hall get high all day.
Or at least a few times a week. The duo teaches
trapeze and other performance art at Le Studio,
Gaulthier's 4-year-old multipurpose space in
Santa Monica, Cali£ Beyond the aerials, the couple
is the epitome of fitness-Gaulthier is a lifelong
gymnast and trapeze artist, and Hall is a 10-time
lronman triathlete-and
it shows. Just take a
gander at them smooching in photographer Judy
Francesconi's 2008 lesbian calendar On the Lips for
visual, ahem, stimulation. - Kelsy Chauvin
1. Theyare swingers.As if their ripped bodies
and dynamic careers weren't enough, Gaulthier
and Hall, both 41, train together at Le Studio,
hanging from trapezes and literally swinging from
the rafters. Is there anything sexier than beautiful,
successful women in leotards proving that they're
more limber than a rubber band?
2. Theirlovetranscends
fiber optics.They took
a chance getting to know each other when they
met on curvemag.com in the summer of 2006.
But even though Gaulthier lived in Los Angeles
so I curve
and Hall in Reston, Va., they
braved the bicoastal relationship waters. After a month of
calls, texts and online chatter,
don't think they can't do it, and they can;• she says.
they finally met in person.
A few months and several
thousand frequent-flier miles
later, Hall found herself
7. Theycombine
muscles
andlipstick.If Gaulchier
whisked away by Gaulthier to
sunny California. Now they're
shacked up in Sherman Oaks,
living the lronman tagline:
'J\nything is possible."
Lives of Women.
Rumor even has it that Gaulthier and her gals may
show up on Oprah later this year.
and Hall aren't familiar to you as calendar girls,
you may be thinking of their appearance on the
"Lipstick Lesbians" episode of WE TV's Secret
8. Theypracticeflexibilityand balance.In 2001,
Gaulthier, a former journalist, threw in the towel
on her thriving talent agency to return full-time
to trapeze. Meanwhile, Hall, who remains a con3. They bridge the cultural struction manager by day, let Gaulthier add some
divide. Gaulthier grew up aerial aerobics to her die-hard triathlon training.
Gaulthier calls herself the flamboyant one, who's
speaking
French-Canadian
perfectly balanced by Hall's "voice of reason:•
and Inuit in the Northwest
Territories. Hall is a redwhice-and-blue Southern gal 9. Theyare trapezetrailblazers.
Considering the
born in Memphis. Tenn., and
physical strength necessary for a lot of flying
trapeze work, it's no wonder most aerial partnerships
raised in South Carolina.
are usually male-female. Bue who needs men when
Now they embody the symbolic handshake between the
Hall runs, bikes and swims seven days a week and
United Scates and Canada.
Gaulthier has practiced trapeze since childhood?
Their power and talent has earned them the hottest
Only, instead of a handshake
it's more of a two-handed
lesbian-trapeze-duo crown (if there is one).
upside-down grab from an
10. Theyare bothout and proud.Hall has been
aerial trapeze.
out since her teen years, but Gaulthier came out
4. Theyhavetheirowncover. only recently. Bue it made no difference to the kids
It didn't take long before the
and women of Le Studio, who embraced the blissiiber-fit couple was courted by Judy Francesconi
ful couple. Says Gaulthier, "Most people are just
for her steamy 2008 calendar. It took even less happy that we're happy:' ■
time for them to bare some skin for two separate
months and earn the cover.
5. Theyteachkidsat their"miniCirque."
In addition to being a 99-seat theater space, Le Studio is
home to "Kids in Act-ion" educational programs.
Gaulthier says chat learning the trapeze quickly
becomes a source of empowerment, inspiration
and exercise for aspiring aerialists ages 6 to 18.
Having taught the offspring of Rob Reiner, Sam
Raimi, Lainie Kazan and Police drummer Stewart
Copeland, among others, Gaulchier proclaims her
studio co be the firsc"rnini Cirque" (as in du Soleil)
in Los Angeles-and packs them in just as well.
6. Their high ambitionsbecomelofty achievements. Gaulthier recently opened Le Studio's
aerial programs to women, who have flocked in
for the chance to burn calories and boost selfesteem. Ladies of all shapes and sizes are now
regulars there, startingjust four feet off the ground
and graduating to trapezes 30 feet up. "They often
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HE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
Why Lesbians
Are Voting Fo~
✓Obama
✓HillatY
✓McCain
74470 80539
7
MIAMIANDBEACHES.COM or call 1-888-76-MIAMI
Four of Miami's most popular and renowned annual celebrations
highlight a noteworthy calendar of events, attracting visitors
from across the coyrJ,try and around the world.
For a complete
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FranklySpeaking
curve
THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 18 NUMBER 4
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San Francisco, California 94103
Phone 415-863-6538 Facsimile 415-863-1609
Advertising Sales 415-863-6538 ext. 10 or 212-446-6700
Subscription Inquiries 818-286-3102
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Leach, Remy Ramirez,
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Coates, Katie Kaapcke,
Kamala Puligandla, Kelly
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Sara Chestnutt-Fry, Catherine
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Contributing Writers Kathy Beige, Mea Chavez, Jennifer
Corday, Beren deMotier, Michele Fisher, Tania Hammidi,
Jodi Helmer, Gillian Kendall, Kathi lsserman, Kate
Lacey, Myra LaVenue, Charlene Lichenstein, Jenna
Loceff, Karen Loftus, Karlyn Latney, Colleen McCaffrey,
Candace Moore, Aefa Mulholland, Catherine Plato,
Laurie Schenden, Stephanie Schroder, Jenny Sherwin,
Kristin A. Smith, Jocelyn Voo, Melany Walters-Beck
Who Gets Your Vote:'
I thought it might be a
slam dunk, but if my
friends and the cuRvE
staff are any indication,
the rainbow vote is still
up for grabs.
Frances Stevens Publisher/Editor in Chief
What a heady time: a national election in which history-or
maybe herstory-will be made. Barring
an apocalypse, our next president will either be the oldest (John McCain), the first African American
(Barack Obama) or the first woman (Hillary Clinton). This issue, we look at the election from a lesbian
perspective, asking a diverse array of queer women to tell us whom they're voting for and why. I thought
it might be a slam dunk-after all, feminists have waited decades for a woman in the Oval Office-but
if my friends and the CURVE staff are any indication, the rainbow vote is still up for grabs. In our office
alone, we have Clinton, Obama and even McCain supporters, as well as a couple of green backers (and a
few Nader haters and Gore dreamers, too).
Illustrators Kris Chau, Phil Cho, Anna Shipside, Katherine
Streeter
We couldn't get any candidate
Contributing Photographers Michelle Bart, Tony Donaldson,
Sohpia Hantzes, Gabriela Hashun, Cheryl Mazak, Connie
L. Merchant, Mia Nakano, Maggie Parker, -Elisa Shebaro,
Jeff Singer, Paul Thomas, Kina Williams
to
talk to us on the record; but Senator Clinton did give us an outline of
why she believes she would be the best president for our community. Though we would have broken our
(albeit flexible) no~boys~allowed rule for him, Senator Obama was not available for comment as of press
time. Victoria Brownworth looks at some of Clinton's most prominent lesbian supporters, from Ellen
DeGeneres to Billie Jean King. And Sheryl Kay offers up a tongue~in~cheek reply to conservatives still
mourning Mike Huckabee's withdrawal. Don't worry, the debate won't end here: Go to the CURVE mes~
sage board at curvemag.com to tell us what you really think about Decision 2008.
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Volume 18 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for
bimonthly January/February and July/August) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc.,
1550 Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price:
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S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
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(USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced
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Keyword: Curvemag Web site: curvemag.com
On a slightly lighter note, our choosing motherhood section offers up the trials and tribulations of get~
ting pregnant, finding a donor and raising children. Among my faves: Angie Powers' tale of being butch
with a bun in the oven and the strange reactions it illicits. Her partner, Elizabeth Stark, tells us about the
couple's race to the maternity ward-they gave birth within months of one another. What a handful!
Whether you're debating political issues, ogling our L Word cover girl, Rose Rollins, or navigating the
turbulent waters of motherhood, this issue has some surprises offerings.
Features
"I was
raised
with five
brothersso
I definitely
had to fend
for myself.
[Beinga
tomboy]
is kind
ofmy
comfort
zone. I
didn'twant
to fall into
the trap of
tryingto be
a butchif
that is not
who I
essentially
am."
Rose Rollins
page 40
May 2008
20
Happy Anniversary, CURVE! Check out what we
Volume 18#4
48
32
Travel: Gay Resort Towns and Pride Sneak
Peek Hip unheard-of locations. Plus, a heads-up on
the biggest Prides around the country. By Jennifer
Pare/lo, Stephanie Schroeder, Aefa Mulholland,
Diane Anderson-Minshall and Margie Palmer
40
Somebody to Love? A conservative lesbian
searches for a candidate. Plus Air America's Rachel
Maddow. By Tammy Bruce and Colleen M. Lee
Curvettes were doing at 18. By Katie Peoples
50 Women, Unite Lots of power lesbians came out for
the senator from N.Y. By Victoria A. Brownworth
<(
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52
~
November. By Senator Hillary Clinton
z
McCain Is the Man for Me The Arizona senator
wins the heart of this dyke. By Lynne Postel
Diane Anderson-Minshall
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Red Carpet Season It's time for the Lammies, the
I Got You, Babe
Goldies and the Saints & Sinners awards for lesbian
54
authors. By Alicia Eler
66 Ten Most Powerful Lesbians Over 60 Get to
Mom Squared A lesbian couple gets pregnant at
C,
the same time. By ElizabethStark and Angie Powers
~
Keeping Your Cool How to get back your lesbian
cred after becoming a parent. By Myra LaVenue
know these pioneers of the LGBT rights movement.
46
Mainstream Moms The gayby boom is here and
it's more normal than you think. By Rachel Pepper
60
TV for Queer Families A kids' show for us. And
Louise Sloan tells us how she gets knocked up. By
Aimsel L. Ponti and Athena Douris
Smith
47
By Jonanna Widner
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Obama Is Our Hope for the Future This lesbian
believes that Barack is just what this country needs.
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Put Clinton in Her Place A Hillary fan explains
why we need her in the Oval Office. By Kristin A.
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How Lesbians Vote
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58
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(f)
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By Stephanie Schroeder
Cover photo by
Tony Donaldson
....J
Hillary Talks Back Why she wants your vote this
COVER: The L Word's Soldier Girl Rose Rollins
shares her secrets and what's next for Tasha. By
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Coming Out, Again One lesbian mom struggles
with an unexpected closet. By Beren deMotier
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Departments
May 2008
"Productive
fightingis likea
productive
cough
inthatit getsrid
of the emotional
phlegm.Butthen
mostarguments
areof the
unproductive
variety.The best
sexcancomeon
the heelsof a good
argument,but
unfortunately
most
conflicts
leadto
couch-surfing,
not
rug-munching."
page 28
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8
Frankly Speaking A few words from
our intrepid founder.
Contributors Meet the women behind
this issue.
Letters Our readers have butches and
babies on the brain.
10 Scene See what the girls are up to.
22 Lipstick & Dipstick I made out with a
boy. Does that make me a bisexual?
23 Ask Fairy Butch What do I do when sex
hurts?
24 Ten Ways to Pick Up Women We've
got the game plan for you.
12 Out in Front These three ladies tackle
14 Open Studio Celeste McCarty puts a
new spin on postcard art.
15 Curvatures Test your L Word knowledge, find ecofriendly pet products and
get a taste of Oohzee.
26 Astro Grrl What's in the stars for you?
28
Dyke Drama Adopt a new motto: sex,
not fights.
30 Politics The Internet gives mean girls a
41
curve
73 Music Watch Margaret Coble has the
perfect springtime music. Also, a peek at
the inner workings of Janet Jackson.
gets a chance to test out the latest at the
San Francisco expo, including the sexy
MacBook Air.
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77 I Tried It A day of whitewater rafting
turns into an unexpected adventure for
this boi scout.
80 Top Ten Reasons We Love Nathalie
shows by lesbians of color. And Kat Feller
from High School Reunion.
>UJ
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76 Tech Girl It's MacWorld, and one dyke
new way to bully.
68 Sapphic Screen Candace Moore reviews
18 Lesbofile The stars go gay for pay.
the latest on same-sex marriage and
violence against women. Plus, author
Charlotte Mendelson thinks Harriet the
spy was a total dyke.
25 Health The latest on lesbians and STDs.
Plus chocolate that's good for you.
healthcare, AIDS and LGBT youth rights.
71 In the Stacks Rachel Pepper reviews
Gaulthier and Hope Hall These two
dynamic trapeze artists heat up the world
of aerial acrobatics.
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REALITY
Letters
"Thank you for your openness. It took me
a minute to set aside my natural arrogance
and then conclude that it's not about me. It
is about people's desire to express them-
Which issues are
most important
to you now?
selves authentically. Our right to do so even if
it seems blurred and indistinct."
32%
Legalizing
gaymarriage A Cosmo for Lesbians?
26%
I really love your magazine, but I do feel chat it is focusing too
much on The L Word and celebrities, and not enough en real
Universal
young people like us. I would like to see it becoming more like
healthcare
Cosmopolitanfor lesbians.
- Myca, Atlanta
26%
I sighed out loud upon seeing your "Last Butch Standing"
article by Allison Steinberg [Vol. 18 #1]. It is imperative that
journalists continue to make room for butches, stone butches,
trans men and everyone in between. So,' thank you for your
openness. Admittedly, the "dizzying array of gender expressions"
Love and Sex
not only confuses me at times, but also it very much angered me
for some time. I chink chat I was afraid of becoming "extinct:' It
I was reading your sex issue [Vol. 18 #1]. I had to respond to
"Dyke Drama" by Michele Fisher. How long is too long to wait?
took me a minute to set aside my natural arrogance and then
conclude chat it's "not about me:' It is about people's desire to
Revising I'm 53 and [my] wife is 45. There have been times when we didn't
immigration
laws have sex for six to nine weeks. Yes, we get very edgy and cranky
express themselves authentically. Our right to do so even if it
seems blurred and indistinct. Again, thank you for your positive
attention to butch women and the strong femmes who seek us
Gettingout
of Iraq
6%
4%
at times, but there are reasons for not having sex. She is going
through menopause and my diabetes gives me headaches. We do
I'm moreconcerned
however cuddle a lot, rub each other's backs, talk about how we
withthe newseason
of A Shotat Love met, watch lesbian movies and eat chocolate. When we are feeling
withTi/aTequila better, we have sex two to three times a week for a couple of weeks.
3%
3%
Tightening
emission
regulations
- ColeE. Thomas, Woodbridge,Va.
Keeping Up With the Young'uns
As a 60-year-old lesbian who has been out for 40 years, I have
The best part is feeling madly in love all over again. This advice
enjoyed your magazine more than any other lesbian magazine
chat has been in print. Not only do the articles appeal to me as an
older woman, they also serve to keep me in the loop about what
in the bedroom. The mind is the real sex organ. It's the heart chat
gets it going, not the kiss. That's my story and I'm stickin' co it.
- Clubgrrlin Kansas City, MO
A New Kind of Baby Boom
I believe there is a new baby boom of 20- and 30-year-old lesbian
couples. When I a kid, the visible lesbian couples were predominantly older couples with adopted adopted Asian girls. Today,
we are seeing a new wave of younger lesbians choosing to become pregnant. Perhaps new legislation has made the possibility
of becoming pregnant more of a reality,as insurance companies are
more likely to cover infertility treatments for same-sex couples.
Sperm banks offer couples anonymous donor sperm chat can
be accessed via the Internet. Given the cost of adoption, becoming pregnant and carrying your baby is far less expensive. This
current baby boom seems like an interesting subject to explore. It
is the new face of lesbian families.
- Sue Abatemarco,Asbury Park, NJ.
Icurve
out and love us so.
We feel we are leveling out the odds of the sex we aren't having.
Fightingthe can apply to younger couples. If you think things are dull, find
WaronTerror ways to rekindle that feeling. It's not always about the role play
6
Viva la Butch
the younger generation of gay women is up to. I have a bit of what
I hope you will see as constructive criticism on the current issue.
Typos! There have been issues without any however. I am also
happy with the fact that none of the background colors/photos
were so dark you couldn't read the dark print nor so light, you
couldn't read the light print. Keep up the great work.
- Linda, via email
Got Something on Your Mind?
E-mail letters@curvemag.com; write to CURVE Letters, 1550
Bryant St., Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103; fax to 415-8631609. Please include your name, city and state. Letters may be
edited for clarity and length.
zw
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Corrections
Amy Villarejo teaches at Cornell University not Harvard [Vol.
18 #3]. Melissa Bozant was the manicurist for the Lucia Rijker
photo shoot [Vol. 18 #3)."Kahlo Hits the Road"was written by
Mea Chavez [Vol.18 #4]. ■
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PRIDE 2008
MAJOR SPONSORS
joie de vivre ®
H
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Yourworld. Delivered.
Contributors
BRID6ESTDRE
From the rolling hills of southern Oregon, KellyRulonsaid her goodbyes
to ma and pa, mounted her dapple-gray pony and headed into the liberal
north. Armed only with her wits and her best friend, she found nothing
but more best friends and fewer wits, thanks to the delicious microbrews
of Portland. She has since settled down a bit and thoroughly enjoys writing
about the swarming life that surrounds her.
"Writing about lesbian literature takes me back to my feminist and queer
$100
Getupto
value
Bridgestone
rewardcard
whenyoubuya set
of foureligible*
er·
studies days at Oberlin College;' says Chicago-based freelance writer Alicia
Eler.Eler also writes art reviews and book features for Time Out Chicagomagazine; her work pops up on CenterstageChicago.com and CulturalChicago.com
and in the ChicagoArtists' Newspaper.Nowadays, when she's not voraciously
reading magazines or critiquing art, Eler is either at work on her website,
aliciaeler.com, or trying to make time to learn how to cook, fix her bike and
figure out when she can take a vacation.
"Reporting is like acting-it requires versatility, charm and a willingness to
feign fascination;' divulges KelsyChauvin.
The Brooklyn freelancer began
her journalism career at age 12 with an exclusive on wacky earrings in her
middle school newspaper. Chauvin believes that inspiration is only as free
or fickle as an open mind allows, and for her it's most often found in transit-whether
are made:'
on foot, ferry, subway or bike, because "in motion, connections
"I am currently working on a gay travel show hosted by a soap star, which
includes trips to the beach to check out local hotties. This magazine is proof
that being queer is fun;' says editorial assistant KamalaPuligandla.
When
not in bed, Puligandla can be found in her sweatpants, eating at Burgerville,
playing the one song she knows on her keyboard, making paper dolls of her
friends and writing short stories. She plans to continue this lifestyle in the
hope that one of these activities will lead to fame, fortune and occasions to
wear pants without an elastic waistband.
Our Newest "Edition"
CuRvE
excitedlyandhappilyannounces
that AislinnClevenger,
a
cuRvE
editorialassistant,deliveredRileyStephenClevenger
in March.
Heweighs8 lbs.9 oz.andis 20 in. long.Heandhis momarenow
learningabouteachotherquicklyandsmoothly.
Clevenger
adds,"Being
pregnant
was...notglamorous.
But,it taughtmea lot aboutmyself
andshowedmewhatqualitiesI wantto nurturein myselfasa mother.
DeliveringRileywasevenlessglamorous!
Trulythe craziestthingI
haveeverdoneandfelt. It wasprettysurrealat first to holdmyson...knowingthat he
camefromme,that hewas'mine.'I fell in lovewith himinstantlyandI can'timaginelife without
him.I alwaysthoughtit soundedso clichewhenI heardotherstalk abouttheirchildrenlike
that,but it's absolutely
true.Mylife hasa wholenewpurpose."
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PASSION
for EXCELLENCE
1 Pariah actors Pernell Walker (left) and Adepero Oduye dance at GLAAD's And the
Nominees Are party 2 Ellen Huang (left) and Virgina Madsen at Queer Lounge at the
Sundance Film Festival 3 Two filmgoers at the screening of Passions and Power: The
Technology of Orgasm at the Roxie Film Center in San Francisco 4 Hell Ride actor Leonor
Varela at Queer Lounge 5 (From left) Partners Phillip DeBlieck and Rev. Troy Perry,
attorney Gloria Allred and partners Robin Tyler and Diane Olson at Let California Ring
Day of Visibility on Feb. 14 at the Beverly Hills courthouse supporting same-sex marriage and fighting to get the law changed 6 (From left) Pernell Walker, director Dee Rees,
actor Adepero Oduye and Pariah producer Nekisa Cooper at the PlanetOut Short Movie
Awards party at Queer Lounge 7 The Donnas fool around in the dressing room at Queer
Lounge
10
I curve
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Making Schools Sate
Gay at the CDC
Health Care for Us
In the mid- 1970s, PamChamberlain
became the
first out teacher in a Boston high school.
Revealing her sexual orientation ultimately
worked to her advantage as outcast students
gravitated to Chamberlain's homeroom and made
her acutely aware of the burgeoning issues faced
by out LGBT teenagers. From those experiences
Chamberlain developed the Safe Schools Program
for Gay and Lesbian Students, one of the first in
the nation to encourage schools to change their
social climate and help them support gay youth.
She has also spent 20 years on the board of
RESIST, a small foundation that funds grassroots
groups working all across the country to deal with
issues like militarism, poverty, nuclear waste and
homophobia.
Currently, Chamberlain is doing research
for Political Research Associates, a think tank
that exposes movements that undermine human
rights.
"The political right in this country knows
how to use existing prejudice against women,
communities of color or LGBT folks to get and
maintain power, and that is outrageous;' she
says.''I've learned that the anti-same-sex-marriage
people, the anti-abortion types, and the 'welfare
reform' supporters all share ideas about who
should benefit from the good life, and it's
not us!"
From the moment she realized and acknowledged
her attraction to women, Georgia-based Tonia
Poteatconsidered herself an activist.
"That's when I began to notice all of the
homophobia around me and understand that all
of that hate was directed at me and other people
like me;' says Poteat. "I just couldn't ignore that.
I had to respond:'
Ask Dr.Sue Dibblehow health care for lesbians
might differ from health care for the general female
population and watch her hop on her soapbox.
For almost two decades, Dibble, a co-founder
of the Lesbian Health and Research Center in San
Francisco, has been one of the nation's leading
advocates for the wellbeing of queer women.
'There are significant barriers to quality health
care for lesbians;' says Dibble. "Lack of knowledge
by clinicians about lesbians and their cultures,
prejudice by government leaders, insurance
disparities, heterosexual-looking offices, with all
the information pamphlets and pictures depicting
heterosexual couples, as well as forms that don't
reflect lesbian life:'
In addition, notes Dibble, there are unique
health issues stemming from the societal stigma
associated with being an out lesbian, including substance abuse, obesity and depression, while other
maladies are due to sexual differences (for instance,
not being on birth control as much as heterosexual women can put lesbians at greater risk for
ovarian cancer).
"We all need education about lesbian health, so
that when someone asks why specifically'lesbian'
health issues...wouldn't be the same as any woman's
health issues, we all can answer that question:'
Dibble is currently co-authoring a book entitled
LGBTQ Cultures: What Health Care Professionals
Need to Know about Sexual and Gender Diversity
and editing Lesbian Health 101, a compilation of
leading-edge articles written by 40 experts in the
field oflesbian health. She's also helping to develop
a continuing-care retirement community in Santa
Rosa, Cali£, called Fountaingrove Lodge.
"Safe aging with folks who are LGBT is a major
concern of mine, perhaps because I am a boomer
facing what to do and where to live as I age;'
she says.
Chamberlain is still up for the fight.
"My Birkenstocks and flannel shirts may be
worn out, but my politics are still good enough
to wear in public;' she says.
If you know of any LGBT activists
or any women who are Out in Front
at work. at home or in the community. please let us know by writing to
curvesoutinfront@hotmail.com.
After graduating from Yale,she provided primary
care for HIV-infected patients at numerous health
care facilities and initiated and coordinated the
first public HIV /hepatitis C co-infection clinic in
Atlanta. She now works as a health scientist for the
Global AIDS Program at the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention in Atlanta, where she
performs site assessments and assists with monitoring and evaluating HIV treatment programs in
sub-Saharan Africa.
''I've always wanted to improve health care for
those of us who are underserved-people of color,
LGBT people, uninsured and poor people;' Poteat
says.
Poteat, who had a Christian upbringing in
North Carolina, also appeared with her family
in ·For the Bible Tells Me So, Daniel Karslake's
documentary on homosexuality and religion.
"I was doubtful that my parents would participate, but I agreed to ask them;' remembers
Poteat. "Much to my surprise, they said 'yes' and
we embarked on this really interesting journey of
sharing our stories:'
Poteat is applying to doctoral programs in
public health and wants to create a project that
addresses the health care needs of LGBT individuals
in developing countries.
''I'd love to be able to pull together all of my
passions-LGBT
health, HIV, international
health and human rights, social justice-into one
project;' she says.
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I
WHEN
CHOOSING
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Orbitzhasbeena leadingsupporterof the LGBT
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Visitgay.orbitz.com
'IIBITz·
Celeste McCarty
Some people are touched by the creative spirit. In the case of Celeste McCarty, that spirit has
grabbed, invaded and enveloped her.
The 36-year-old, San Francisco-based artist ( therealmccarty.com) has been painting, taking
photographs, drawing and otherwise making visual art since her pigtail days.
"I have always created art in some way;' says McCarty. ''As a child in a small town in Florida, I
would entertain myself by drawing small human figures dancing. From that obsessive habit early
on, I have continued over the last 30 years to create visual arr:'
For McCarty, the beauty of making art is in the multitude of media at her fingertips. 'TU use
anything," she says before rattling off her favorites: spray paint, house paint, gouache, watercolor, oil
paint, acrylic and photography.
The leap into professional artistry came to McCarty in
a local-neighborhood sort of way. After a visit to New York
City in the '90s, she returned to San Francisco to imitate
artists' "stoop sales:' She sold artworks of all sizes, and on
a sliding scale, but her 4-by-6-inch painted cards sold consistently and quickly led her to mass-produce this small
form art.
That trend inspired the method she still uses today. Since
creativity can strike anytime, anywhere, McCarty says she's
learned to always be ready for it. Carrying a camera is easy
enough, but for her painted and drawn work she'll prepare
dozens of"backgrounds" on blank cards.
She'll paint patterns and styles in many colors, often
in watercolor or gouache, blanketing her apartment with
them as they dry (fortunately, with the blessing of her girlfriend). Then, on her way out the door
she'll grab a stack, along with her favorite gel pens, and is set to finish off her readymade backgrounds
wherever the day takes her. "The background kind of tells me what to put on there;' she says.
The resulting images are delicate line-drawn figures, structures and abstracts sketched on the
multicolored cards, each with a calming and intriguing simplicity.
[
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Among other places, McCarty steadfastly continues to sell her cards, canvases, magnets and prints on the street, where she can interact with
her buyers. After all, it is the city itself that most influences her work.
"I love cities;' she says. "There are all these different people putting in so many ideas to make a city-graffiti
architects-I can't imagine living anywhere else and getting that same steady stimulation:' ■
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Two Ways to Play TheL Word
your love, it seemed like the perfect teen slumber party game.
But then again, not many teen board games ask players about
their favorite sex position. After two hours of play, we let the
girl who was farthest ahead take the glory, and called it a night.
In the end, it was worth playing and we all learned a little something new about one another. - KKP
Test Your Knowledge
Are you obsessed with everything L Wordf Do you want to
make your friends look stupid with your L Word knowledge?
If so, The L Word Trivia Game may be exactly what you are
Rule the Planet
In the official The L Word Board Game you are trying to buy a
share of the Planet, the hot cafe/bar where all The L Word ladies
hang out. It's like the Game of Life, but instead of investing in
college, you pay for a band to come play or your ex shows up,
creating a scene, and you have to pay the bank a few hundred
bucks. Fans of the show will appreciate the way the game incorporates the characters and their pitfalls along the way. To spice
it up, there is a truth or dare element: Players have to do their
best impression of Helena, swap shirts, divulge a fetish or else
relinquish some money to the bank. With dares that ask you to
wear your bra outside your shirt or to text your ex and declare
looking for. As a self-proclaimed dork, my first thought when
I was given the deck of cards to test was, This is just like Star
Wars Trivial Pursuit, but for dykes ... ! like the show and all but
am far from an expert, so I gathered some friends and we sat
down to play. Apparently we are also all a bunch of L Word losers because the questions are really hard, and they focus mostly
on the first two seasons, which is good if you are behind on the
series. I really wished the questions were about Princess Leia,
but I learned a lot about Shane and the names of her various
one-night stands. Our favorite aspects of the game were its pink
color and small size, which is great for travel. This is the perfect
game to play with your fellow queers on the road trip to Dinah
Shore.-KK
Music in
Your Mouth
Doyouoftenfind
yourselfdancingalong
to thatcatchynewKelly
Clarkson
single?Now
youcanbrushyour
teeth alongto the beat
withthe Hasbro
Tooth
Tunes,a toothbrush
designed
to playmusic
andencourage
peopleto
brushfor two minutes.
Thesongemanates
from
the brushandthesound
qualityimproves
with
firm pressure
andsteady
strokes(toencourage
betterhabits).Thisbrush
is greatfor all ages
witha musicalselection
rangingfromthe Black
EyedPeasto goodol'
Kissandthe Village
People.($10,toothtunes.com)- CM
WHAT'S HOT: Plushies for Grown-Ups
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patternfor a rathercuteGrimReaper.
makesgruesome
moviemonsters
Colorful,
withgreatillustrations
and
adorable
andirresistible
thoroughinstructions,
thisbookis
withherlineof high-qualsureto helpyoumakeyourvery
ity,handmade
plushies,
ownplusharmyof darkness.
CuddlyRigorMortis.Her
($15,quirkbooks.com)
collectionrunsthe gamut,
frommonsters
likeBloody
Glantmlcrobes:
Whoknewthat
Maryandthe Creature
chlamydia
couldbeadorable?
fromthe BlackLagoon
Giantmicrobes
comein a variety
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magnified
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Zombiein a
timesandincludeaninformasmartpinstripesuitwith
tivetagthattellsyouall about
exposed
brains.Careful
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though,thesedollsarenot
hand.Fromthesphericalblue
intended
for childrenor pets.
commoncoldto thesnakeBloody Mary l"k
($40,cuddlyrigormortis.com)and
zombie
I e pinksyphilis,
thesemake
greatgifts.Thecompany
CreepyCuteCrochetThisbookby
evenstarteda Professionals
line,
ChristenHaden(QuirkBooks)hitsbook- usedfor publichealtheducastoresin Juneandwill teachyouhowto
tion,thatincludesa blackplush
crochetyourveryowncuddlyzombie,
HIV/AIDS
witha redribbon.($8,
ninja,robotor devil.There'sevena
giantmicrobes.com)
UglyDolls:These
intentionally
ugly
butoddlycute,soft
dollsfromcreators
DavidHorvathand
Sun-MinKimmake
a colorfuladdition
to anyroomor toy
Chlamydia
collection.
TheJapaneseinspireddesigner
toyscome Giantmicrobe
in all differentsizes.Weespecially
like
the big-eared
Ox,the long-armed
Abima
andthesquare-shaped
BigToe.($20,
ug/ydol/s.com)
- KP
CURVATURES
WRITTEN
BY
MeaChavez,
Katie
Kaapcke,Jenna
V.Loceff,Colleen
McCaffrey,Katie
Peoples,
Kamala
It Pullgandla,
Una
Swislockl
The Ugly Dolls Lineup
May 2008
I 15
Curvatures
Something Green for Fido
Way out in Bozeman, Mont., a little
company is making a big difference. West Paw Designs
is committed to making ecofriendly toys and beds for
dogs and cats in the
United States-and
to paying its people
a living wage. That kind
of social commitment takes
these products from "aw" to "wow:'
At West Paw, there is a company-wide
focus on the environment and community-both
at large and within. West Paw uses recycled packaging to ship its products. It cuts down on waste
and cost by using fabric scraps left over from the
beds to make the toys, and stuffs the beds with
recycled soda bottles.
And the public is responding. As West Paw
pioneers environmentally friendly pet products,
other companies seem to be falling in step-the
industry is expected to top the $1 billion mark by
2009. Now that's a lot of soda bottles.
Community
is another huge focus for the
'MORE TIDBITS
company, which has 25 to 35 employees. In
keeping with its mission to help the greater
community,
West Paw (in partnership
with
Reach, Inc., a nonprofit that helps disabled people find work) hires special needs individuals for
subassembly work.
Within the company, the emphasis on community manifests itself in fun and practical ways.
West Paw holds an annual meeting that mixes the
office and production staffs into teams that each
design a new toy. The winning team gets a goldpainted cardboard hairball with eyes.
More practically, the people who work at West
Paw enjoy reasonable wages and benefits, which
makes them more inclined to care about the company they work for. The design and shipping staffs
have the same incentives, meaning that at each step
of the way, every product gets
checked over by someone who
cares about the product being
shipped. - LS
The Eco Nap dog bed (above)
and the Madison Moose dog toy
Teatime in Otown
What could be more refreshing than a teahousd If
you've tried Numi teas, you know they're delicious,
into the clay pot. Set to a timer, the tea steeped for
more than a minute, and then was ready to pour
and the company has recently opened the Numi
Tea Garden in its hometown, Oakland, Calif. I
back into the glass pot to serve.
Paired with delicious tidbits like French cheeses
dropped by one weekend to try out this latest addition to the current teahouse craze. This new restaurant-a perfect reflection of its neighborhood,
or Greek spanakopita, the tea will please your
Embarcadero Cove, a haven for lesbians and artists-is destined to be a hit that will draw visitors
from around the bay.
The rustic furnishings and the urban and Asian
influence in the interior design create a charming
and comfortable atmosphere.
The traditional tea service
has a ceremonious nature that's
sure to delight. After I ordered
from an array of delicious tea
blends (I chose the Ruby Chai
and Berry Black Tea), the server
scooped the loose tea into a terra
cotta clay pot. She then poured
hot water from a glass teapot
16
I curve
taste buds and warm you up while being easy on
your wallet. Tasty bites range from $3 to $8, teas
from $3 to $5. A true green business, the Numi
Tea Garden maintains sustainability through its
practices, furnishings and eco-friendly materials.
Numi Tea Garden's new hours are 11 a.m. to
7 p.m., making it a perfect happy-hour alternative. Numi's intimate stage
invites local musicians to
perform for its tea-loving
patrons. This is an accessible and cozy music venue.
Enjoy a sophisticated
afternoon or evening at
Numi, sipping tea and
soaking in Oakland's artsy
vibe.-MC
Showtime
hasrenewedTheL Wordfor
thesixthandfinalseason.
Thoughthefirst
dramaticlesbianseriesis wrappingup,
creatorIleneChaiken
saystheshowwill live
onthroughthe brandandOurChart.
A newstudyfindsevidence
of extreme
right-handedness
anda numberof older
brothersasa predictorin gayor bisexual
men.Whydowecare?Well,peoplewho
believethathomosexuality
is something
we
arebornintoaremorelikelyto supportequal
rightsfor lesbianandgaycitizens.Research
likethismayhelpshapepublicopinion.
A studyoncensusdataontheLGBT
communityin Washington,
D.C.,foundthatD.C.
is hometo nearly4,000same-sex
couples.
It
alsofoundthatonaveragesame-sex
householdsraisingchildrenhavefewereconomic
resources
thanmarriedhouseholds.
D.C.
same-sex
couplesaremorelikely
to beemployed
thanheteromarried
couples,
84 percentin same-sex
versus63 percentin hetero.Not
sosurprisingly,
thestudyfound
thatwomenin same-sex
couplesearnlessthanboth
marriedheterocouplesand
same-sex
malecouples.
A 17-year-old
senior,Bethany
Laccone,
wasthreatened
withsuspension
afterbeingtoldtheT-shirtshewaswearing,
whichhadanimageof twooverlapping
femalegendersymbols,
upseta teacherat
NorcomHighSchool,in Portsmouth,
Va.
TheTruthWinsOut(truthwinsout.org),
a
nonprofitorganization
dedicated
to counteringright-wingpropaganda
andexposing
the"ex-gay"myth,released
two newIPSAs
showcasing
the myth'sabsurdity.
InWillCounty,
111.,
courtofficialsdenieda
low-income
transgender
woman's
request
for a fee-waiver
for costsassociated
witha
legalnamechangebecause
thechiefjudge
felt it wasextraneous.
CherandChastity
Bonoarepitchinganother
realityTVserieswherethedynamicduo
wouldassisteveryday
folk in comingout
to theirfamilies.Perhaps
gettingto meet
Cherwill lessentheshockof havinga gay
child... or will it? - KK
Curvatures
Lesbofile
A Sapphic Scarlett Johansson
Finally, Woody Allen does something we approve 0£ I By Jocelyn Voo
This month, straight celebs go gay, gay celebs sober
up and jilted lovers get even. Just another day in
the gossip mill.
Gay for Play
Though she's better known for her sex tape, clubbing in next to nothing and coining nonsensical
phrases, ParisHiltontook time out of her busy
socializing schedule to do some necking with
supposedly straight actor ElishaCuthbert,
whom
she costarred with in the abysmal movie House of
Wax. The duo arrived separately at the Manhattan
nightclub Tenjune in January, but reconnected by
the end of the night. The two were "all over each
other and making out;' a source told Us magazine.
Perhaps Hilton was rehearsing for her upcoming
cameo on The L Word?
"It is also extremelyerotic.Peoplewillbe blownaway
and even shocked.Penelopeand Scarlettgo at it in a
red-tintedphotographydarkroom,and it willleavethe
audiencegasping."
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AnnaWintourdoes a really great job;' Peter told
WWD, barely giving credit to Sischy, who was
when a woman posted a video on YouTube in
which she confessed to having had sexual relations
clearly the driving force behind the magazine's A-
with the hip-hop star.
list content.
"I just thought they could really use some
direction, going forward, of a younger generation
But it may just be some civilian claiming
her 15 minutes of fame. Ma denied the rumors:
"Remy Ma has not nor has she ever been involved
of people;' he added.
in a same-sex relationship with the accuser or any
other woman, however Remy is respectful of those
Steamy Scenes
As if making out with Alias actor Mia Maestro
for her brother's music video wasn't enough,
PenelopeCruz now goes gay with Scarlett
Johansson
in Woody Allen's new movie, Vicky
Cristina Barcelona,sharing a steamy lesbian sex
scene. A source told the New York Post,"It is also
extremely erotic. People will be blown away and
even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in
a red-tinted photography darkroom, and it will
leave the audience gasping:' A threesome is also
included in the film-sadly, it's a male joining in
on the action.
Reading Between the Lines
Interview magazine, famous for its in-depth
celebrity profiles, made a different kind of headline
this January. The magazine was owned 50-50 by
Peter Brandt and his ex-wife, SandyBrandt,who
left him for a woman-IngridSischy,Interview's
famously connected (and also hard-assed)
editor-in-chief of 18 years. So when Peter bought
out Sandy's share this January, it was hard not to
notice some residual bitterness toward the woman
his wife left him for.
Singing the Same Old Song
"To say that Interview is a product of Ingrid's
Has rapper RemyMa dabbled in the pink in the
friends ...that's like saying, 'What's Voguegoing to
be like without [former editor] GraceMirabella?' past? Rumors swirled, and it certainly didn't help
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Bottoms Up?
RosieO'Donnell,
alcoholic? On her blog, O'Donnell
told a fan that she'd recently dropped some weight
by cutting beer out of her diet. This prompted
another reader to ask, "So, Rosie, alcoholic or not?
Just spit it out! Don't go all StarJoneson us here.
What led to you stopping the beer? You'll only
help someone else:' O'Donnell replied: " 'Cause I
was drinking too much, 'cause I didn't want to any
more, 'cause it is hard to lose weight when drinking, 'cause I can never have only one:'
We're not talking about Lay's potato chips here,
but it does look like Rosie's "diet" may require help
from a different organization than Jenny Craig. ■
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Confessions of a Dancer
Dana Riceel, aka Oohzee, is a force in the exotic entertainment
industry and one of the most frequently requested performers on
the LGBT circuit. She combines gymnastics with a unique, in~
your~face style that fans can't get enough of. Her DVD, A Tasteof
Oohzee,came out last year. Oohzee talked to us about embracing
her life, getting into dancing and what she likes to read.·- JVL
Kristanna Loken
Sia
"But in the end, you just hope people are going to
support your happiness. It shouldn't really matter.
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How did you get into dancing?
I had a friend YaYa. She got me this gig at a female club. [Back
then) the female club wasn't my lifestyle. I did it one time.
What was your childhood like?
I like to embrace my past. I had very young parents. In some ways
it has made me too tough, too independent. I was always rough
around the edges.
Your floor work is very unique. How did that start?
I got on the straight circuit and I didn't want it to be a pleasure for
the men; I did all these things that may have been emasculating.
I never viewed myself as sexy; that is why my name is Oohzee.
Where did the name Oohzee come from?
I had been working three jobs at home, and I packed up to move to
New York. I was determined to work as a backup dancer. So I
became Uzi in the Oaktown 357.
And you kept dancing?
I loved it. To get paid for what I love to do, wow....I just don't like the
star treatment: It creates so much tension [with the other danc~
ers). They are my peers. I am not above anyone. The bottom line
is that I am not trying to act like they are any different. With
audience members, sometimes I get pigeonholed. When I am on
the floor I am wild and risque, but if you are in a position to strike
up a conversation, come over and ask what kind of books I like.
What was it like going from the straight world to the gay
world?
I was embraced. In the gay world we put more into our show,
though there are some straight girls who bring it. One incident
though-there was a girl in the crowd of a gay show and she
said, "She's going home to her man:' But that was her trip.
You dance with partners sometimes. How does that work
out?
It is great. When I do, I prefer to dance with Egypt from
California.
So what kind of books do you like?
I like books about black urban neighborhoods and the struggles
people go through and what they do to survive. ■
I think that was the biggest thing about coming
out. ..being accepted to love whom you want.
I guess it's kind of the ultimate test of that: Are
people in the gay and lesbian community going
to accept you if you love [someone o~ another
gender?">> Bisexual actor Kristanna Loken, to
AfterEllen on her engagement to a man
"The thing is I feel kind of straight because she's kind
of like a boy. [My love interest] thinks l'm·straight.
She's like, 'You're straight; it's just that your girlfriend
is gay.' So I'm straight, it's just that my boyfriend's
a girl? She's like, 'I don't care, whatever you'd
like."' >> Musician Sia, to AfterEllen, on her
recent coming out
"Somewhere along the line, the killer, Brandon, got
the message that it's so threatening, so awful
and so horrific that Larry would want to be his
Valentine that killing Larry seemed to be the right
thing to do. And when the message out there is
so horrible that to be gay you can get killed for
it, we need to change the message.">> Ellen
DeGeneres, commenting on her show about
the murder of 15-year-old Larry King by his
classmate Brandon Mcinerney
May 2008
I 19
Where Were We at 18:
Were just barely legal, as 2008 marks cuRvE's 18th year in print. Hurray! We can officially drink in Mexico.
When this milestone in cuRvE's life made us reflect on what our lives were like 18 years ago, we realized
that CURVEhas been around so long, some of us were still in daycare! To spice things up, were reminiscing
about what life was like when we were 18 instead.
Frances"Franco"Stevens(Publisher):
I had a serious boyfriend and didn't
realize that I was gay and neither did my BFF, Sandi. We were total jocks,
and it was the first time since sixth grade that we'd been separated. I drove
to her university one weekend to go see the Bangles in concert. That should
have been a big clue to both of us ...I drove a white Datsun 280SX and was a
college freshman with a double major in biochemistry and microbiology ...
studying like a total nerd so that I could get into vet school. I lived in Maryland
near Washington, D.C., where it was legal to drink. So my new pals and I
would head to Georgetown every weekend to let off some steam and dance
our butts off to Billy Idol while doing that weird Idol lip thingy.
DianeAnderson-Minshall
(Executive
Editor):I had my last real boyfriend and
my first real girlfriend. I listened to Ozzy Osbourne on my Walkman cassette
player at least three hours a day. I got sent packing from Tulane because I
owed 20 grand. My car's engine blew up in the middle of Kansas and two
truckers drove me 200 miles to Denver, but when the girlfriend who was with
me told them nobody knew where we were, they looked happy. So I freaked
out and climbed through a truck stop restroom window ~nd hitched a ride
with a nice elderly couple. Then I came home, got a job at the local newspaper,
drank way too many daiquiris, bleached my hair blond and stole a car for a
road trip to California. Our police chie£ whose recommendation helped get
me into college, drove to Nevada to pick up my two co-conspirators and me
and then, when I got to court, my colleagues at the newspaper had to actually
cover the trial. Ironically, I think I disappointed my parents more when, a year
later, I became the youngest journalist to write for the in-house newspaper at
the Republican National Convention.
ColleenM. Lee(SeniorEditor):
At 18, I decided to travel before college, and I
discovered I was a bit of a stalker. I attempted to continue a love affair with
a hot-blooded Spaniard by flying to Spain to seek him out. I had a few great
weeks in Europe, but finally had to realize (the hard way) that every summer
fling must come to an end. Apparently, if you follow someone across an ocean,
20
I curve
you are a stalker. He seemed to think so. At that point I was obviously not out
yet. How is my life different now? I still love foreigners, but this time my love
is a woman and she doesn't mind (I hope) when I stalk her. Oh yeah, at 18 I
drank a lot of gin and Squirt, too-that is probably why I dated and pursued
foreign-born boys.
SaraJane Keskula(Associate
Publisher):
I celebrated the eve of my 18th
birthday by wandering around Harvard Square with my new best friend, aka
my first-ever girl crush. I had been lusting after her for several months, and
the evening found us sipping on vodka-infused Slush Puppies, skipping down
the cobblestone sidewalk, eating cake, opening presents, blowing bubbles and
pouring glitter on everything. We were dancing around in "The Pit" when I
looked up at the large digital clock on the side of the Cambridge Bank just as
the time turned from 11:59 to 12:00. I turned in excitement to tell her that
it was my birthday and she planted one on me! There were fireworks, bells
and whistles, lights flashed and with that one smooch (and the several that
followed) I knew there was no turning back.
KatiePeoples(Assistant
Editor):When I turned 18 I couldn't drive, I didn't
have a car or a job, and I was still a virgin. By the end of the year, I was
commuting like a maniac to community college and my mall job at the 'Bux in
my little blue Honda (which still gets me around today), and finally I'd gotten
laid. My 18th year was definitely full of firsts, but one of them wasn't all it's
cracked up to be. Can you guess which one?
Flo Enriquez(Directorof Operations):
I was a senior in high school and
I was very much in the closet. My grade-school best friend was having a
fling with my coach. I, however, was not in a relationship. My life was very
comfortable and simple but full of adventure, travel and meeting new people.
Back then, I was into sports, friends, and driving. I was starting my first job
and my mom was having a baby in her 40s.
HollyDeMaagd(Subscriptions
Manager):I was a freshman in junior college,
living at home. I came out to myself the year I was 18 and was really scared
that my parents would find out and put me in a psych ward. I would read
books from the gay section at the library but take the book a few shelves
down and read standing up to hide the cover or spine. I worked in a ware,
house processing clothes from the factory and played softball. I consumed
massive quantities of beer. I quit smoking, which I did poorly anyway. I didn't
know any lesbians, but I did like it when my female self,defense partner in my
P.E. class held me down in faux attack positions. I now live with my partner,
Carmen, and our dog and cat in San Francisco. I don't consume vast quanti,
ties of beer anymore. Plus, my mom is cool with me being a lesbian and tells
me what is up with Ellen and Melissa.
DianaBerry(Advertising
Executive):
At 18, I was working for the government
and partly out with my sexuality. As for relationships at 18-that was all part
of the fun of youth and learning. How is my life different now? I'm happier,
better, smarter and faster!
StefanieLiang(ArtDirector):
I was trying to convince myself I was the "cool"
class president by highlighting my term with house parties (while my parents
were away) and bringing different cliques together ...nothing like a "natty light"
to bond the drama nerd and the soccer jock, the math whiz and the class
clown. I felt like the ultimate matchmaker, and I was on top of the world.
College put me in my place. At the University of Michigan, I couldn't flash
my class president badge. I was just a small fry. And I had to stop worrying
about how others were connected and start figuring out where I fit in. I soon
found solace in the middle, in that blurry area of the gender/ ethnicity/ sexual
orientation spectrum. And I've been basking there ever since.
NicoleTeichman
(PhotoEditor):I put my long, thick curly hair in a ponytail
and snipped it at the rubber band. It was the most liberating thing, and I
never looked back. I secretly decided to skip college by not filling out any
applications and waiting until April to tell anyone. I worked in a small movie
theater, a hair salon and a photo lab. I loved Smashing Pumpkins, Alanis
Morrisette, Green Day and Tori Amos. I drove a 13,year,old Ford Escort
hatchback that had faded from red to a hot,wing,sauce shade of orange. And
yes, I was able to fit up to seven rowdy teenagers in it at once. I cared way too
much about what other people thought of me, so I was not out yet, but was
bursting at the seams to live my own life. I'm lucky though: My BFF then is
still my BFF today.
•
OndineKilker(Production
Manager):I was a nerd and a jock. I spent the last
class trip with folks I knew I'd never see again. I had (and still do have) artsy,
cultured parents-they named me after a French water nymph. I was lucky
enough to spend the summer in the south of France. In summer school, I
developed various crushes on my fellow pre,E.U. students-from
a woman
who was a Rob Lowe lookalike to Irish, American and, of course, French la,
dies-who as we all know, or secretly wish, are more open to romances avec les
femmes des Etats,Unis. While that summer transition from high school to col,
lege is a fond, if hazy, memory of fumbling toward women, my Franglais is as
strong as ever, and as Pepe Le Pew would say: "Turn out zee lights, darleeng.
I (now) know where everything eez:'
KatieKaapcke:
At 18, I was a disaster. I was a freshman at St. Mary's College
in Moraga, Cali£ I hated it and did not fit in, so I transferred after one year. I
wasn't out yet, either. My life is very different now as I have figured out I am
gay and have come out. I also am doing what I love for work. I know what I
want and who I am.
KoryTran(EditorialAssistant):
I graduated from high school and felt like
the world was my oyster, thinking life was going to be nothing but fun and
sunshine. I was 30 pounds lighter, culturally confused and obsessed with
Abercrombie & Fitch and the budding emo movement. I was into Yellowcard
and I absolutely adored my t.A.T.u album. Although I'd love to be 18 again,
I do feel I've found myself since then, and I'm much more self,assured about
who I am as a person.
AislinnClevenger
(EditorialAssistant):
I was thrilled to finally be able to le,
gally buy my own cigarettes. I loved my newfound independence, and life
was exciting. I felt like I had been released from jail, a teenager who pushed
against the bars of authority, and when the walls of conformity came down, I
was free to find out who I truly was. Community college also helped a lot with
that. It's where I discovered that I wanted to be a writer. Essentially, my 18th
year is when I laid some of the most crucial foundations in my life.
KellyRulon(EditorialAssistant):
I was at the University of Oregon walking
down a dark path one night with my friend Dakota, who I thought was gay...1
caught her once making out with a girl. When she started talking about some
guy she had made out with the night before, I said, "Dakota, I thought you
were gay?"She then said, "Kelly, I'm bisexual!" And that was the moment that
I learned that this could be possible. Since then, I have learned I am gay. ■
May
2ooa121
Advice
Lipstick & Dipstick
Oops, I Did a Dude
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I am 19 years old,
and I've been out for about two years. I got
really drunk last night, and I was so wasted
that I made out with a guy and let him get to
third base with me. Does this mean I am bi?
From the pictures, I looked like I enjoyed it,
but then again, I was totally trashed. After I
woke up, I wanted to throw up because of
what I did. I love, L-O-V-E girls, so why did I
make out with a guy? - Feeling Foolish
Dipstick:
You're not bi, you've got a drinking problem. Letting a guy poke you and take pictures is
a cry for help. Most of us have done things while
drinking that we regret later, like the time my college roommates and I decided to try naked tobogganing one February night. Even that wouldn't
have been so bad, except my
friend Lori forgot to grab the
car keys. I suggest you keep a
close eye on your drinking and
if you end up in any more compromising situations, with men
or women, head to an AA meeting.
Lipstick:Dipstick, you're so uptight. Just because
she got drunk (this is what 19-year-olds do)
doesn't mean she's headed to AA. But you're not
off the hook, Fool. Ifl were you, I'd be freaking out,
too. And not because you let him into the honey
hole, but because you were so trashed that you let
him take pictures. Lipstick Rule No. 317: When
there's a camera in the room, have two drinks
and go home. While Lipstick hasn't kissed a guy
This is code for "I'm not really attracted to you, and
I'm going to keep my options open until I meet someone
who really does light my fire....But we can go to bingo
on Sunday night-that is, if I don't have a hotter date."
in decades, I don't feel this slip in
judgment deserves repeated snaps
from my whip. Just one. (Crack!)
What should concern you, FF, is
that Internet porn is big business, and
you may find yourself spread-eagled
on dykesdabblingwithdick.com. Aside
from fearing your (albeit unintentional)
cyberspace debut, cut yourself some slack. Learn
from your mistake and move on. We're not infallible,
after all.
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm recently
divorced, 46 and finally have embraced the
fact that I love women. I'm interested in a
woman who says she wants to take it slow
because she's been hurt in the past. Is she
really interested or just letting me down
easy? She does want to date, but doesn't
want to be alone with me yet. - Fresh Out
in Her40s
Lipstick:Move on, Freshie. This is code for 'Tm
not really attracted to you, and I'm going to keep
my options open until I meet someone who
really does light my fire. But you're cool and I like
spending time with you. And maybe we can roll
around on that zebra print rug I have, or go to the
movies and hold hands, but I'd really like you to
go home after we're done making out and pitching woo. Especially if it's Saturday. I love Sunday
mornings and I don't want to spend them with you.
But we can go to bingo on Sunday night-that is,
if I don't have a hotter date:' Does that help?
Dipstick:Not so fast, Lipstick. You and I have
both heard the sob stories from women who move
too quickly. What she's really saying is, "I kind of
like you, but I'm not sure you've really gotten that
man off your breath yet. But even if you have, fresh
out of the closet as you are, you're certainly not
ready to settle down. I saw you checking out the
hot barista's ass on our coffee date. So, before I
get invested and let you break my heart, I'll just
pretend I'm not ready for commitment:'
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Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: Help! I recently
discovered that I'm gay and I've never been
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Ask Fairy Butch Advice
Like a Virgin
with a woman. I moved into the spare room
with a hot friend of a friend whose live-in
girlfriend cheated on her and moved out.
This works for both of us financially, and
to penetrate me in any way, I seem to tense
more intimate contact, ultimately resulting in penetration. Good luck, honeybun.
crush has turned into me totally falling for
ends there. The problem is that penetration,
even though not painful, is quite uncomfort-
up and get dry. Of course, for me the fun
able for me. Is there any way I can train my
she's attracted too, but there is caution in
vagina so I can expand my sexual horizons?
the air, as we've both been through a lot
lately. But there's so much sexual tension
- Too Tight in Tulsa
I can't sleep. What should I do? -
DearTooTight:Sugar, I'm no doctor, but it appears
Torn
Either
approach can
involve your partner and can gradually evolve into
Dear Fairy Butch: My panties are in a little
bit of a wad. I met and fell in love with a
37-year-old woman, and even though I'm
only 21 , the relationship works perfectly. I
moved away in August to go to school. But
Up in Tennessee
to me that you have a classic case of vaginismus.
Vaginismus is the involuntary tightening of the
Lipstick:If Lipstick can still be great friends
PC, or pubococcygeus, muscle (a hammock-shaped
muscle that stretches from the pubic bone to the
tail bone, forming the floor of the pelvic cavity and
I decided that I didn't really like it, and now
I'm moving home-well, back to the area,
not back in with my parents. I am moving in
with my girlfriend, but my parents think that
I am friends with her daughter, who is only a
few years younger than me. So how do I tell
ship can bounce back from a misguided sexual
advance. But who's to say it will be misguided?
supporting the pelvic organs), which makes vaginal penetration of any kind-with fingers, dildos,
them that this is my partner? They know I am
That's the worst case. Surprise her with candle-
speculums, penises-difficult
think something is up, right? -
light and dinner. Open a good bottle of wine.
Put on Sade. And then open yourself up to the
Common symptoms of vaginismus range from
burning or stinging with tightness during penetra-
possibility. Once you set the mood, go in for the
tion, to difficulty inserting tampons or undergoing
a pelvic exam, to spasms in other muscle groups
kiss. I'd suggest you don't talk about it first-let
the way your lips touch hers do the telling.
to nearly impossible.
Dipstick:Lipstick, didn't we just deal with
(legs, lower back, etc.) and halted breathing during
attempts at penetration, to name a few.There is primary vaginismus, a situation in which a woman has
doing regrettable things while drinking? No,
always had difficulty with painful penetration, and
Torn Up, no wine, no candles and no sexy music. Sit down with your roomie and spill your
secondary vaginismus, in which a woman may have
had years of pain-free penetration, but now is unable to tolerate it, due to a variety of reasons.
heart. You're both adults, not college girls in
a sorority. In a community where the line between friend and lover is so thin, this kind of
thing happens all the time. I once had a roommate who I could tell had a crush on me. She
would moon at me over chicken pot pies, wait
around on Friday nights just in case I wanted
to hang and always changed the subject when
I talked about the girl I was dating. It was onesided and puppy-doggish. We never talked
about it and I eventually moved out because of
the weird energy. Don't let this kind of tension
ruin your friendship. Fess up and deal with the
consequences. Either you'll move out of the
spare room and into her bed, or after a few awk-
But here's the good news: Vaginismus is highly
treatable. Effective treatment combines pelvic-floor
control exercises, insertion or dilation training, pain
elimination techniques, transition steps and exercis-
not taking my bed from home, so they must
Curious in
Kokomo
DearCurious:Well, cupcake, I'm pretty sure they
have a clue as to what's going on, since you've left your
Posturepedic back at the homestead. I wouldn't be
surprised though if they thought that the relationship in question was between you and your lover's
daughter. I can't telepath your parents' reactions, but
I bet they'll be in for a world of puzzlement when
they find out that you're involved with someone
who is probably in their own age demographic.
So, if you want to create one big, happy mixedgenerational family, it might take a wee bit of work.
I would tell your parents up front, before they meet
your lover, so that they'll have a chance to compose
es designed to help women identify and resolve any
contributing emotional components. Psychological
themselves. This will prevent any jaw-dropping
gaffes that may otherwise occur. Tell them about
barriers can be addressed on your own or with
the help of a therapist. Physical treatment of the
your strong feelings for her and let them know that
you'd like to have a meet-and-greet. Pick a neutral
spasms associated with vaginismus may include
sensate focus (focused sensual touch) exercises and
desensitization with vaginal dilators-which
are
spot, such as a restaurant you all will fancy. Be
prepared to be (accompanied by your lover) on the
basically dildos that went to med school. Dilating
involves inserting dildos or dilators (which progress
gradually in size as the vaginismus decreases) into
ward weeks you'll go back to being best friends. ■
the vagina.
You may want to see a counselor or sex thera-
Ask us anything about sex, love or lesbiansat
lipstickdipstick.com.
pist, or you may first want to try using dilators or
dildos in combination with Kegel exercises (the
0
I
relax-
She's fun, smart, honest and hot as hell.
So now, what began as an innocent little
with her ex-girlfriend, Double T (we had a
horrible breakup), then certainly your friend-
a.
and
ation of the muscles
that control the flow of
urine).
her. How do I tell her without losing her
friendship? I've noticed subtle hints that
.J
penetration. I have no problem during fore-
contraction
play-I am turned on and as wet as any girl
could get. But the moment my partner tries
we have a blast together; we fit so well.
I
0
Dear Fairy Butch: I have a big problem. Even
though I am very sexual, I can rarely enjoy
hot seat for a while; relationships with as big an age
difference as yours, especially when the younger
partner is barely out of her teens, are not wellaccepted among everyone, and your parents may
have an axe to grind-just be prepared for it. ■
EmailJb@fairybutch.comwith your queriesregarding lesbianlife,sexualityand romance.
May 2008 j 23
Advice
Relationships
How to Seduce the Ladies
Learn to pick up a girl in 10 easy steps. I By Kate Lacey
The phrase "pickup artist" implies that you must be Picasso to capture and
hold the attention of a woman. The truth is, finding that special person and
having her find you interesting is more like Paint by Numbers. Plug in all the
colors from your palette and eventually she will get the picture.
Believe me, you don't have to look like a supermodel to have permission
to walk up to an attractive woman in a public space. What builds instant
electricity is not physical beauty. If good looks equate to a romantic connec,
tion, why did Angelina Jolie marry Billy Bob Thornton:' Follow these simple
rules to get the girl:
0 The first rule is, you must believe in yoursel£ Everyone has strengths and
your job is to let her in on the fact that you are a catch. Confidence is sexy.
Even if you look like Jabba the Hut, you can woo her with your sense of
humor and charm. This takes courage and requires that you feel the fear and
approach her anyway. Sure, you may get rejected, but what if you don't:'
@ Desperate is not sexy.Even if you haven't had a date since 1990, you should
not let your potential partner in on it. Attracting her is a delicate balance of pre,
tending you're not entirely smitten and letting her know you're attracted to her
at the same time. Your attitude should be: I don't need you, but I may let you
have the pleasure of knowing me. This is not to say you should be cocky, but
you need to carry yourself as if you are a commodity to be desired.
C) You're going to the club, so dress for it. You don't have to pull out the prom
dress or tuxedo, but you should wear something that makes you appear
unique and shows that you care about your appearance. Even if you have to
wear a muu muu, wear one designed by
Tommy Hilfiger. Use the honest opinion
of your friends to figure out whether
you look sloppy, grungy, flabby and/ or
trampy. Appearance isn't the only thing,
but it is a thing to be reckoned with, to
a degree.
0 Once in the bar, get an adult bever,
age and relax. (Note: Sloppy drunk is
not sexy. Asking her to hold your hair
while you puke in the bathroom is not ro,
mantic.) When you scope out someone
you are attracted to, get close to her. If
you're waiting for her to approach you,
because you are staring and drooling
in her general direction, the cows will
come home and pigs will be flying be,
fore she even knows you exist. You must
get on her radar.
0 Once you're near her, smile. Make
eye contact just long enough for her to
24
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curve
know you're looking. Drop your eyes, then look off to the side. This is a
genetically programmed mating response that our hetero friends implanted
in our DNA. Remember though, staring too long will scare her. The line
between getting her digits and getting a testraining order for stalking her is a
very fine one. Look her in the eye just long enough that she knows that you
are into her, but not so long that she believes you are dangerous.
0 Before you get into your pursuit, make sure she is available.Look for rings,
matching tats and public displays of affection. Even if a couple is apparently
together but not getting along too well, this is not a green light for you to be
opportunistic. To coin a phrase, it's best not to defecate where you eat. There
are only so many lesbian bars in any given city, and once you get banned from
them you'll be reduced to trolling the preteens and old pervs on MySpace.
8 Approach her and tell her something funny or unique, while avoiding the
old lines. The more deprecating the better, to garner her attention. Remember
your first interaction with attraction as a kid:' In grade school you ran up to
Suzy and pulled her pigtail to show her that you wanted her, but that you
didn't need her. It's no different now. Pick on her. Make her laugh, but don't
cross the fine line between being flirtatious and being a jerk. Use sarcasm with
a wink and smile. This will build an instant rapport.
0 Try a unique opening question. For example, "What's your favorite T
word, and whyt Then mock her answer just enough to get her to laugh, but
not enough to hurt her feelings. Don't ask her what her astrological sign is.
Instead, ask her what her favorite street sign is. You could tell her that yours
is "Slippery when wet:' Give her a wink
and then move away just enough to
feign indifference. If she moves toward
you, she's yours. If she doesn't, well, she
never was.
0 Don't move too fast. Mystery is a
good thing. Finding yourself in the stall
after a hot session of dirty dancing is not
romantic. You likely won't get a call back
the next day, but you will definitely need
a shot of penicillin.
4Ii)Finally, be yoursel£ Unless you are
an unconfident, socially awkward wall,
flower clad in sweats, hoping that some
chick will approach while you suck down
draft beer in a dark corner of the bar. In
which case, you should be someone new,
someone charming and funny enough to
woo Ms. Right. It starts with believing
that you have something that is worth
her time. ■
Advice
- Keeping the Bugs at Bay
It's your third date and you
know that you really like
her. You haven't had sex in
three months. Who wants
to complicate the situation
by talking about STDs?
Yet that's exactly what you
need to do if you value
your body, your health and
your future relationships.
Some STDs are as
common among lesbians
as among heterosexual women, and some
are even more prevalent among lesbians.
Bacterial vaginosis (BV), an imbalance of
the bacteria in the vagina, is more common in lesbians than in straight women.
Although BV's cause is unknown, it can
lead to more serious conditions and affect
fertility. Human papillomavirus (HPV), which
can cause cervical cancer and genital
warts, is easily passed through genital contact. HPV is one of the leading reasons that
regular Pap smears are essential. Herpes is
an STD that can be passed through oral sex,
making it especially common in lesbians.
This doesn't even include trichomoniasis,
syphilis or crab lice, all of which can be
transmitted during lesbian sex. That's why
it's so important to protect yourself and
your partner. If you use sex toys, cover
them with a condom to prevent fluid
exchange. Wash your hands and toys with
antibacterial soap every time you have
sex. Use barriers like dental dams or, if you
have nothing else available, nonmicrowavable plastic wrap. (Plastic wrap's protection
against STDs hasn't yet been tested.)
Above all, be honest with your sexual
partners. This is the most important way
to keep yourself and your partners healthy,
happy and safe. - Kathryn Board
Health
GOOD CHOCOLATE
If the thought of swallowing
a pill each day to supplement your diet makes
your mouth go dry, then
the latest in good-for-you
food items will certainly
make it water. Amoriss is
a delicious dark chocolate
packed with antioxidantrich fruits and berries (such as pomegranate
and goji) and infused with red wine extract.
Thanks to this amazing combination of fruits
and organic dark chocolate, these individually wrapped candies promote heart and
joint health and a strong immune system,
and help combat premature aging. We were
a bit skeptical about the taste-after all, how
can something be good
for you and be dessert?
Luckily, we were proven
wrong- these chocolate
treats taste as good as
anything from your local
confectioner. (amoriss. com)
- Katie Peoples
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May 2oos j 25
Advice
Astro Grrl
Give 'Em Something to Talk About
You have Taurus(April21-May 21}
Sex:Sometimes the force of your personality sweeps any loose
gal
a secret off her feet. Sometimes it takes more effort. May brings a
push-pull to every liaison. Career:Don't try to talk yourself out
admirer, of this recent professional snafu. Ride the waves and wait until
Gemini, the winds die down. When in doubt, take a vacation.
who is Gemini(May 22-June 21}
Sex:You have a secret admirer who is waiting for the right time
waiting to make her move. The real question remains: What will you do
when she makes herself known? Uh-oh. Career:
You may say too
for the much on the job and cause all sorts of corporate to-dos. But that
righttime was your plan all along.
to make Cancer (June22-July 23)
Sex:Will a certain gal pal turn into a lovergrrl? It depends on
her move. what you're looking for in a relationship. Do you know what
you're looking for? Career:Crabs move into the epicenter of
The real power as their carefully planned ideas begin to take root and
question grow. Be a benevolent dictator.
remains: Leo (July24-Aug. 23)
Sex:There is something sexy brewing at work. Is it at the coffee
What will machine? It's certainly not at your desk. Walk around the officeand
take a sip. Career:Unearth what is going on behind the scenes
you do and maximize that knowledge for your advancement. Take comwhen she promising negatives and make them profitable positives.
makesher- Virgo (Aug.24-Sept. 23)
Sex:You'll find love in not-so-ordinary places. Travel, see the
selfknown? world and gather your rosebuds with April, May and June.
at work. How low will you go to get set up? Career:
Professional
windows open up for you despite your bad attitude and frustration.
Put it all aside and jump into new opportunities and the big bucks.
Capricorn(Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Sex:Be flirtatious and fun. Be charming and sugary.You will attract
more flies with honey than with vinegar. That is, of course, if you
want to attract flies. Career:Money comes to you more easily
and without the usual effort. Bank as much of it as you can, so
you can tell the so-and-so at work something so satisfying.
Aquarius(Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Career:Girlfriends give you a leg up at work. It's not what you
Sex:Put more effort into certain relationships or decide to start
know but who you know that counts. Hurry before that situation changes and you are expected to know something.
new ones. Luck follows you everywhere. Where will you lead it?
Career:Business relationships are strengthened now. Instead of
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
squabbling about the finer points of the infrastructure, build
bridges and avoid heavy tolls.
Sex:You are hot stuff this May, Libra. Raise the temperature
with a very cool number who knows what turns up your oven.
Career:
Not only do you tear up the love-scape, you're also on fire
at work. What is it that makes you so ambitious and successful
now? Why ask why? Don't sit at home and stew.
Pisces(Feb. 20-March 20)
Sex:Speak the words oflove and see who follows you. Before you
know it, you could be feathering your nest for a robin or another
fine-looking bird. Career:
Putting in the effort gets you noticed and
on firmer footing in your current job. Is this good? You decide.
Scorpio(Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Sex:Relationships can be very fulfilling now. Make the most of
it ... and her. If you are looking for your soulmate, get out now
and look! Career:
A few out-of-this-world ideas get you into the
corporate inner sanctum. Let your imagination and strategic
impulses reign. Then become a rainmaker.
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Sex:If money won't buy you love, try sugary promises and love
0
notes? It's cheaper and just may work. Career:Lambda Rams
~
may lose some of their corporate glitter. Is it because you no
longer have your mind on the job? ■
~
ex:
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en
<(
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec. 22)
Sex:Even a lowly paper pusher can grab the eye of a high-level lady
26
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curve
For more advicefrom the stars, visit our astrologer,Charlene z
c3
ex:
Lichtenstein,onlineat thestarryeye.com.
>
Dyke Drama
Michele Fisher
Wanna Fight About It:
Of course you do, because some girls just need to let it go.
Do you spend more time arguing with your lover than having sex with her?
This will not do. You two should fight less and screw more.
You're not going to take my advice, are your You gals are going to make
yourselves and all your friends suffer more.
Some things are worth fighting for, but hardly anything is worth fighting
over (and over) with a lover.
Productive fighting is like a productive cough in that it gets rid of the
emotional phlegm. But most arguments are of the unproductive variety.
The best sex can come on the heels of a good argument, but unfortunately
most conflicts lead to couch,surfing, not rug,munching.
Everybody has a disagreement once in a while, but has your relationship
become a series of arguments strung together between truces? Take it from
me and the rest of your friends: You guys have become a drag to be around.
You two have got to do something soon, before we run out of excuses not to
be around you.
Go ahead and spend money on books and therapy-it will be money well
spent. But if all you need is a little more truth to get you headed in the right
direction, then save your pennies and your sanity and read on.
Have you been fighting over the same thing for more than a month?
Nothing is worth fighting about for that long. Come to a resolution before
you drop from exhaustion.
What if one of you cheated? That's serious, but it still isn't worth fighting
about forever. If cheating is involved, which in the dyke community is a taboo
greater than cannibalism, it's still not an excuse to keep fighting. Eventually,
you two are going to have to get past it or give up on it.
Entire books have been written about what to do about the big C in a
relationship. What I have learned from experience and observation is that
some women can get over cheating and others cannot. Figure out what kind
of woman you are and go with it. Fighting won't make it go away or make
either one of you feel better (and that makes you even madder about the situ,
ation). Try to focus on the positive: At least we can't get each other pregnant.
What if she does come home to you pregnant? OK, that is worth a month
of fighting. Then again, she may have saved you thousands on artificial insemi,
nation. Perhaps she isn't the tramp you think she is. She might just be thrifty.
Which brings us to the subject of fighting over money. The girl of my
dreams is one that I can be with for richer or for poorer. Money is a very silly
reason to create stress in your relationship and yet we hear about dyke money
drama all the time.
I have an old,school lesbian buddy who pays all the bills for her and
her girl. Her lover, who is gainfully employed, gets to keep her own money,
but does buy household items when necessary. Her other co,workers and I
think Old School is insane and razz her all of the time about being stuck in a
time warp. Long gone are the days of the butch Big Daddy who took care of
everything for the femme who just laid back and did her nails, but our Daddy
Warbucks doesn't seem to know it.
Then again, she and her girl never seem to have a problem with the
arrangement. In fact, I think that we give her the only stress about money she
has ever had in her relationship.
But what if your fiscal relationship with your girl is bugging you? No need
to fight about it-just do a budget together. Make a game of it. Each of you
track your spending for a week and then come together and you show her yours
if she shows you hers. It will be enlightening. You may realize that besides
being a spendthrift she is also a big fat liar when she fails to provide you with
the full extent of her expenditures. Then you will have something to fight about.
After you track your spending, you two can move on to the goal,setting
portion of the program. Figure out something you both want and could work
toward together, like home ownership, an exotic holiday or finding her a big
butch lover who will pay for everything.
Nothing causes marathon arguments like family. Her family, your family,
the in,laws, the outlaws, it's all a mess. Maybe her sister is a biatch and your
dad is a drunk, but yelling those factoids at one another is not going to help you
figure but how to be around those folks without becoming as toxic as they are.
When it comes to dealing with family, spousal arguments are not productive.
You must maintain a united front. No matter what happens, you must
stick together. Talk about every decision before you make it. Don't let a
family member bully you into making a unilateral decision. Holidays,
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, birthdays, weddings and even vacations are a snap once you agree to do nothing without your woman's stamp of approval.
I have found that guilt has played a starring role in all of the cruddy decisions I have made concerning family. Guilt is only productive if it leads to a
positive change, like the killer who ends a homicidal spree and turns himself
in. But committing you and your lover to a weekend of camping with your
religious zealot mother and her Zoloft-popping boyfriend because you were
afraid your mom would be mad if you said no is just plain silly. Steal a couple
of her boyfriend's happy pills, let go of the guilt and stay home with your wife,
the woman who didn't screw up your childhood.
As mentioned earlier, there are productive arguments, but they are vastly
outnumbered by stupid ones.
Some arguments you should never have are:
Drunken
ones.They last forever and never accomplish anything. The only
way to avoid these arguments is to avoid drinking excessively.But if avoiding
alcohol just isn't worth it, the best course of action is to act like you don't
remember what happened. If you have alcohol blackouts then good for youyou won't have to lie.
Being a spectator, particularly if you do not know either party involved in
one of these alcohol-fueled spectacles, can be quite amusing. To catch the best
drunken arguments, hit a Gay Pride event late in the afternoon and hang out
by the port-o-potties. The stench of drama might overpower the eau de toilets.
Onesaboutold relationships.
How many times do you have to explain
that you love your current girlfriend more than your old one( s)? There is
no way you can prove it. If she believed you, she wouldn't be yelling about
it all the time. Yeah, it is all about insecurity, but knowing that isn't going to
improve your current situation. And telling her that she is insecure might
make her take a look at herself, or it might cause her to holler louder. When
the topic of old girlfriends arises, it is best to clam up, stare off into space and
wait out the storm.
Onesaboutsex.How is fighting about sex supposed to help your love life?
If you weren't getting it before, you are really not going to get it after making
such a fuss.
Nagging
ones.Are you still harping about that bounced check or dented
fender? Give it a rest. That's not fighting, that's nagging, and it wears a girl
down like a drug pusher at a high school dance. No, you are not just reminding her so she won't make that mistake again. You are grinding her down to
a nub. If you are trying to be scarier than rising insurance rates or a $30 returned-check fee then you are a big success. But you are also becoming scarier
than her last girlfriend, which means that you will be spookier than the next
girlfriend, if you keep up the carping.
There are a billion other things you shouldn't fight about, but you and
your girl should figure those out together.
Have you been fighting about the same things for years? Then forget
everything you have read here. Hostility obviously works for you. Look at
all those ridiculous "happy" couples who have fallen by the wayside over the
years while you two just keep plugging unhappily along. You may be at one
another's throats, but that is still togetherness. ■
May 2008
I29
Politics
VictoriaA. Brownworth
Mean Girls Never Grow Up
They just get new screen names. That's where the problem begins.
often is, even in big cities like my
own. There was nowhere to hide
from the hierarchy of cliques.
The lesbian community can
be the same way. As vase as it can
appear when you first come out
and don't know how to navigate
the terrain, it can suddenly seem
like a crowded elevator stalled
between floors when you break
up with someone or leave a particular group.
A few months ago, a story
made all the news outlets about
a young girl who committed
suicide after being bullied mercilessly online. It was a tragic story
and made me think about the
new trend in bullying: hie and
run on the Internet, where anyone can post anything about another person, and the victim has
no recourse.
Megan Meier was only 13
years old when she hanged herself
in her bedroom closet after being
I was bullied at school. Mercilessly. Before Heathers and the "Plastics;' before
books and studies about girls who bully, before it was a recognizable trend,
there was me, isolated and alone in my all-girls Catholic school, bullied every
day.
The reasons why I was bullied are numerous. I was a smart girl, and intellectual geeks are always targets. I was also the tallest girl in my class, and my
gawkiness was made worse by a uniform and saddle shoes.
I came from a dysfunctional home, so my social skills were sketchy.
bullied online. The girl thought
she was being bullied by a boy she
met on MySpace. It turned out the "boy" was the creation of a former friend's
mother and this woman was the real bully.
Mean girls never stop being mean girls, even when they grow up.
Meier's case is perhaps extreme. But many girls are bullied online and just
suffer through it, afraid to tell anyone for fear the bullying will get worse.
This is the Internet Age, and everyone has a cyber life in addition co their
daily offiine life. Adolescence is primed for bullying, but so is the Internet.
I've been involved with online groups over the years-some political, some
My family was poor, so I was regularly called out for unpaid tuition in
front of the entire class. At events where we wore regular clothes instead of
queer. I discovered in my cyber life chat mean girls never grow up-they
get new screen names.
uniforms, my classmates were attired in chic little Villager and Lady Bug miniskirts. I was wearing clothes my mother had made or things she had bought at
the thrift shop. Rickrack was almost always involved.
One of the problems I had at school was that I couldn't mislead or conceal.
I was only ever good at being mysel£ I never did develop that trait of dissembling. As a consequence, I am the same in real life as I am online.
If you're bullied in childhood, it can lead to a lack of self-esteem. But even if
But that's not the case for many people in cyberspace. As Meier found
out all too tragically, mean girls haunt the cyber world, trolling for victims on
whom to vent their prodigious spleen.
you grow up to become popular and successful, those mean-girl taunts remain
in the back of your head, echoing into your adult life.
Lesbian life is full of mean girls. We've all run into them. They're in the
just
bars, in the activist groups, on the email lists. Some have even been our titular
leaders. They haunt our community with their rumor-mongering and nasty
asides.
The difference between cyberspace and the real world is chat in the real
world you can't say or do anything you want without consequences. Bue
online, anything goes. You can use vile language, lie about someone, invent
new identities, steal ochers: or trash a life and just move on.
My school was claustrophobically small, just like the lesbian community so
I found this out firsthand when a lesbian email list I had belonged co for
30
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IN THE NEWS
almost a decade let its mean girls take over. It began
with an argument over politics, but then it escalated
into something more sinister. I began receiving nasty
off,line messages from a few members of the group.
These were startling and hurtful, and I requested that
the harassment stop. It didn't, so I just deleted the mean
girls' emails.
Then there was a shocking twist: The woman who
started the group ousted me. She sent a letter to the
group saying they were not "allowed" to talk to me about
why she did so.
The years of bullying came back in a tsunami, knock,
ing me flat. It was as if I were back in that schoolyard all
over again. It was a terrible feeling.
My story has a much happier ending than the Meier
one. Many of the group's members left in solidarity with
me and I started a new group, which has none of the
tensions of the old one.
But for several weeks after my expulsion, I was in the
a:
tortured place of the victim with no recourse. In real life,
I could have sued the list maven for the things she said
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upon lie fed to her by the women who had
been bullying me for months. In real life, I would have
been able to face my accusers and ask for evidence and,
when none was presented, been vindicated.
But the terror of online bullying is that there is no
redress, no way out for the victims. And when those vie,
zz
tims are young and resourceless, the results can be tragic.
I saw myself in Megan Meier, because I was her, many
m
years ago. I attempted suicide as a kid; the bullying was
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that harrowing for me. I spent years cutting my arms
with razor blades in an effort to release the pain.
Then, magically, I became an adult and life was under
my control. I survived.
Mean girls proliferate in all walks of life. They cut
their vicious little teeth on childhood pariahs and then
w
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w
move on to bigger targets. Whenever I read a column by
Maureen Dowd on Hillary Clinton, for example, I imag,
a:
ine she was a mean girl pushing and shoving her way
ft
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through the schoolyard.
As adult women, we often equate viciousness with
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strength, but they are not the same thing. Being on the
receiving end of a mean girl's poisonous pen or whiplash
tongue can end tragically, as it did for Megan Meier.
We need to rein in the mean girls in our own com,
munities and never let them gain the advantage or create
more victims. Mean girls give all women a bad name and
(/)
~
can damage impressionable young girls-sometimes,
~
with Megan Meier, beyond repair. ■
as
MoreGayCandidates
Thisyearthe GayandLesbianVictoryFundexpectsto endorsemorethan100candidates.
It
hasassistedwiththe electionof manyopenly
gayofficialsin the UnitedStates,starting
with 49 in 1991andnowtotalingalmost400.
According
to theVictoryFundpresidentand
CEO,ChuckWolfe,the growingnumberof out
candidates
represents
the LGBTcommunity's
growinginvolvement
in
electoralpolitics."We
arenotcontentto sit on
the sidelinesandhope
that othersdothe right
thingfor ourcommunity,"Wolfesays."We
will stepupandlead
thefightfor a more
equalandfairAmerica,
andwe will win."
Californian
Right-Wing
Activists
SeektoStrip
Schools
ofSafetyfromDiscrimination
TheStudentCivilRightsAct,SB777,in effect
sinceJan.1, reinforces
prohibition
of the
discrimination
in publiclyfundedschoolsand
activities,includingdiscrimination
basedon
religion,race,disability,genderandsexual
orientation.
LawyersforAdvocates
for Faithand
Freedom
andtheAllianceDefense
Fund
opposed
the lawandfiledsuitchallenging
SB
777,butCalifornia's
attorneygeneral,Edmund
G.BrownJr.,dismissed
the lawsuiton Jan.
11 dueto the lackof necessary
signatures
to qualifythe referendum
for theJune2008
ballot.According
to the 2001California
HealthyKidssurvey,nearly30 percentof
California
youthin gradessevento 11 reported
experiencing
someformof harassment
or
bullyingbasedontheiractualor perceived
race,ethnicity,religion,disability,genderor
sexualorientation.
"Witha thirdof California's
studentsfacingharassment
or evenviolence,
it's offensivethatouropponents
arewastingtaxpayerdollarsmakingan issueoutof
this,"saysBrianChase,seniorstaffattorney
for LambdaLegal."Thislaw protectsall kids,
andthis attemptto stripawaybadlyneeded
protectionis hatefulandmean-spirited."
Georgia's
FirstOpenly
Transgender
Politician
Accused
ofFraud
Whilethe involvement
of openlyLGBT
candidates
in politicsis at an all-timehigh,the
mudslinging
is as well.Georgia's
first transgenderpoliticianandRiverdale
CityCouncil
incumbent,
MichelleBruce,wasattackedwith
a lawsuitclaimingelectionfraudbythe 2007
third-placefinisher,GeorgiaFuller.Anopenly
transgender
city councilmemberfor four
years,Bruceis well-knownin the community.
Thelawsuitcomplained
that Brucemisled
votersby identifyingherselfasfemale."I've
alwaysbeenMichelle,"claimsBruce."If someonehasa problemwiththat,I can'thelpthem.
It's a personalissue."Thejudgedismissed
the
casethe daybeforethe runoffelectionwith
Hall,butthe damagehadbeendone."It was
a personalattack,"saysBruce,whocameto
officein 2003."It wasaimedat gettingmeout.
They'redistractingvotersfromthe issues."
FirstAfrican
American
Lesbian
MayorElected
Cambridge,
Mass.,hasmadehistorywiththe
Jan.14 electionof thefirst openlygay,female,
AfricanAmericanmayor,E.DeniseSimmons.
"It's wonderfulto be in a high-profileposition,
andbe in it asyouare,"saysSimmons.
Her10
yearsonthe Cambridge
SchoolCommittee
and
fouryearswiththe CityCouncilhaveprimed
herfor hernewposition.Notto mentionshe's
followingin the
footstepsof thefirst
openlygay,male,
AfricanAmerican
mayor,Kenneth
Reeves.
Mayor
Simmons'future
initiativesinvolve
the cultivationof
eco-friendly
careers
andsustainabilitypractices
for the city.Asa
memberof the CityCouncil,sheimplementedCambridge's
LGBTCommission,
whichincludedsensitivitytrainingfor the
Cambridge
police,andonthe Cambridge
SchoolCommittee
Simmonsestablished
the
LGBTFamilyLiaison,whichseeksto improve
communication
betweenLGBTfamiliesand
schools."Because
we'rein Cambridge,
being
gayis notan issue,"saysSimmons.
"Youcan
focuson policyissuesthat aremeaningful
to
all people:employment,
housing,safetyin the
streets,issuesthat affectus all regardless
of
whoare,regardless
of ourgenderandwhowe
chooseto love."- ColleenMccaffrey
May 2008
I31
1gan
Just a hop, skip and a jump from Chicago, there's a resort town
lesbians love. Story and Photos by Jennifer Parello
For several years, I'd been threatening to leave Chicago. I was
sick of the traffic. Sick of the suspicious stains on the sidewalks.
Sick of the same girls I'd seen at the same bars for the past decade.
'Tm chucking it all;' I'd exclaim t~ my friends. 'Tm going to
move to a small town where the people are friendly, the air is
clean and the beaches are not littered with used hypodermic
needles:'Typically, these pronouncements were made late in the
evening, after I'd had a few drinks and was sullenly wondering
why I had failed to make meaningful eye contact with any cute
women that night. No one took me seriously.
But then a miracle happened. Somehow, in the worst housing
market in recent history, I managed to sell my condo in the city.
As my friends gawked in disbelief, I packed up my dogs and
bought a cottage in New Buffalo, Mich., a small resort town
wedged on the banks of Lake Michigan.
What happens when you finally realize your dream? Your
freeloading friends muscle in and turn it into a nightmare.
32
I curve
When you live in a resort community, everyone wants to visit.
People you barely know show up for long weekends, eating your
food, drinking through your liquor cabinet, draping wet towels
on antique furniture and, worst of all, expecting you to entertain
them.
I've had houseguests every weekend for the past year. My
ears ring with the whining refrain, "So, what's next on the
agenda?" As a result, I have traveled throughout southwestern
Michigan, a region charmingly called Harbor Country, in an
attempt to keep my demanding visitors constantly amused.
New Buffalo, the first town over the Michigan-Indiana border
and the official starting point of Harbor Country, is situated
at the southernmost point of Lake Michigan, a body of water
that locals refer to simply as the Lake. It's enormous, like an
ocean, but without the scary sea monsters. There are no sharks, no
jellyfish. You don't emerge from it coated in salt and seaweed.
You can boat in it, swim in it, drink out of it and even fall in
love while walking beside it. It is, without question, the biggest
tourist draw in the region.
In Harbor Country, the beaches are windswept and buffeted
by dramatic sand dunes. The dunes are as big as small moun,
tains and deceptively inviting. First,time visitors often make the
mistake of running wildly up the side of a dune, madly antici,
paring the thrill of sliding down the sandy heaps. By the time
they're halfway up a steep dune, their pace slows to a labored
crawl. When they finally reach the peak, they sigh in exhaustion
before plodding down to the water.
The expansive public beach in New Buffalo is the perfect
place to dump unwelcome guests on a summer day. While you
sneak back home to take a nap, they can cavort in the waves,
which can be oceanlike in their ferocity; hitch a ride on one
of the yachts parked in the deep,water harbor; or take a walk
through downtown New Buffalo, which flanks the lakefront.
The downtown area is typical of a resort town, which is loosely
defined as a place that sports more restaurants, inflatable wa,
ter toys and fudge stores than year,round residents. The town
bustles to life in the summer, and has become a popular destina,
tion for celebrities looking for a quick escape from movie sets
in Chicago, which is only 60 miles away. Oprah Winfrey drew
a spotlight to the area when she began hopping on a helicopter
after taping her show and flying over the lake to one of her vaca,
tion homes. And don't make the same mistake Nicole Kidman
made when visiting the legendary ice cream parlor Oinks: Bring
cash. They don't accept credit cards.
Summer is the busiest social season in Harbor Country,
with hordes of city dwellers flocking to the area to enjoy the
requisite small,time charms of street festivals and fish boils, as
well as two big gay parties. Every summer, the Lambda Legal
Defense Fund hosts a swanky fundraiser, usually at one of the
mansions on the lakefront. Busloads of urban queers travel in
from the city for the weekend, and any business that doesn't
have a Jesus fish decal displayed in its window hangs a rainbow
flag over its doorway. In June, the Out and Affirmation Center
(OAC), the area's leading LGBT organization, holds the Lake
Effect Pride party, a colorful bash that proves you don't have to
live in the city to have a good time.
In 2007, the OAC made national headlines when the
group entered a float in the Miss Blossomtime Parade, one of
the most popular events in Harbor Country. Like many small
towns, Harbor Country communities take beauty pageants se,
riously, and all the local pageants lead up to the big event-the
crowning of Miss Blossomtime, and the patriotic parade held
in her honor. After the cheeky members of the OAC decided
to submit an application to enter a float in the parade, there was
a major uproar from a few local idiots. But the overwhelming
Above: The New Buffalo
Marina is the largest deep
water marina in Harbor
County. A public launch is
available for daytrippers.
Opposite page: Sand dunes
buffet all the beaches in
Harbor County.
curve 200a I33
HOW TO
GET THERE
New Buffalo is
situated on 1-94,
about 60 miles
from Chicago.
It's the first
town over the
Michigan-Indiana
border. Amtrak
has daily stops in
downtown New
Buffalo.
reaction was community acceptance. To show their support,
straight folks cheered loudly as the OAC float rolled down the
parade route and the high school established a Gay,Straight
Alliance. My hairdresser, Tim, who is deeply involved in the
local pageant scene and its backstage dramas, told me that the
OAC float controversy was the most exciting thing to happen
to the event since news broke that a former Miss Blossomtime
had come out as a lesbian and was shacked up with another
beauty queen.
Like most locals, I like it best when summer ends and the
cold winds that skip across the lake from Wisconsin blow the
summer people out of town. In autumn, the blustery beaches
become as uninhabitable as the surface of the moon. So, it's time
to move inland. Just a few miles south of the lake is Michigan's
wine region. The flat land gives way to a rolling, heavily forested
countryside that's home to dozens of vineyards. Most vineyards
are on a well,marked "wine trail;' making it easy for visitors to
Drive down any country road and you'll find hand,painted signs
welcoming you to work the fields for a small fee. Personally,
I prefer the easy pleasures of visiting the grocery store to the
backbreakingjob of plucking apples from a tree. And yet, thou,
sands of people se~m to enjoy it.
For those who prefer indoor activities, there is Four Winds
Casino, an enormous gambling den on the outskirts of New
Buffalo. Four Winds is so large that if it were set down in Las
Vegas, it would be the third,largest venue on the Strip. If you
spend an afternoon sampling the local varietals. Michigan spe,
cializes in crisp white wines and fruit,flavored liqueurs made
from the bountiful local harvests.
Michigan, in fact, is one of the nation's leading producers
of fruits and vegetables, and a top off,season tourist activity is
escape the casino without losing your shirt, you can shop the
multitude of boutiques and outlet malls in the area. Red Arrow
Highway, the main road that snakes through Harbor Country,
is dotted with art galleries and antique shops. In Three Oaks, a
quaint farm town that neighbors New Buffalo, a gay couple con,
verted an old corset factory into an art center and music venue.
The Acorn Theater features live music every weekend and an
LGBT dance party on Thursdays.
The area offers several spas and hotels, but the best value
is to book a privately owned beach cottage. You can find lodg,
ing on the New Buffalo Chamber of Commerce and Harbor
Country websites, or on vacation rentals by owner sites.
But, please, don't show up on my doorstep. I'm completely
the baffiing practice of picking your own fruit at local orchards.
booked. ■
HARBOR COUNTRY HIGHLIGHTS
Just a few of my favorite places in Harbor Country:
• Nowhere Bar and Grill: It's literally in the middle
of nowhere. You have to hunt for directional
signs the size of postage stamps in order to find
the place. But it's worth the trip. It has the seedy
ambience of a broken-down fishing cabin, but
it's got great food.
• The Vickers Theatre: A movie house in Three
Oaks that features two different art-house flicks
every week.
• The Acorn Theater: A gay-owned venue in
Three Oaks that features big-city performances
in an intimate setting.
• The Round Barn Winery: A local winery, the
Round Barn produces delicious whites, reds
and brandies, as well as beer and a fruit-based
vodka.
• Grand Mere State Park: The least crowded
and most beautiful beach in Harbor Country.
It offers miles of walking trails through forests
and dunes. And, best of all, it's one of the few
beaches that allows dogs.
• Sunset on the beach: I've long considered
sunsets to be overrated, but it's impossible not
to be impressed when that great ball of fire sinks
into Lake Michigan. Bring a few friends and a
picnic dinner and catch the spectacle nightly.
34
I curve
Only in San Franciscd
You'llhave so many new storiesto tell, you'll need proof.Findout what'snew in SFat onlyinsanfrancisco.com/gaytravel
IYiildt.111
Jill
SOUTHWEST
MfJholll
1111s
I S1Dly
t@S'U•M•
PHOTOS PROVIDED BY (TOP ROW) CASTRO: ALAN SO CHINAGATE GIRLS: GOLDEN GATE BUSINESS ASSOCIATION LOVE MOMS: DEBORAH O. LATTIMORE (MIDDLE ROW) COIT TOWER: ZACHARY BRUNS
SMILING WOMEN: DEBORAH 0. LATTIMORE FOLSOM WOMAN: FRAN KALERT (BOTTOM ROW) GOLDEN GATE BOYS: GOLDEN GATE BUSINESS ASSOCIATION HAIGHT LEGS: ALAN SO DYKES ON BIKES: R GERHARTER
ury
ay
Just 60 miles from New York City is this New Jersey resort town
gays reinvented. By Stephanie Schroeder
Sisters, if you want to visit-or live in-Asbury
Park, N.J.,
you're going to have to love your gay brothers. Or at least agree
to play nice on the boardwalk.
Walking on the beach or the boardwalk, dining at the queer,
owned restaurants, visiting the many local art galleries, dancing
and drinking at the clubs or catching a weekly queer,themed
film at the local theater, the crowds are always, always mixed.
Even the bowling leagues at Asbury Lanes are co,ed. There is no
separation between lesbians and gay men in Asbury.
"We all just get along and our community is thriving. You
come into Asbury and there are rainbow flags hanging out the
windows of hundreds of homes, and you just feel very welcomed;'
says Sharon Schiffman, a board member of the nomadic Jersey
Shore LGBT community center called the Qspot (jsqspot.org).
The organization is on the lookout for permanent housing and
was recently offered a swing space at a local Unitarian church in
Ocean Grove, another popular shore town.
Approximately 60 miles south of New York City and about
90 minutes north of Atlantic City, the mile,long Asbury Park
Boardwalk and accompanying beach is a big draw for lesbians
from north and central New Jersey, of course, but also from
0
36 Icurve
New York City and Philadelphia.
Will Elliott is an Asbury pioneer who, with his late partner
Joe D'Andrea, founded GayAsburyPark.com (a weekly e,guide
to all things Asbury Park). They came to Asbury in search of
affordable housing. That was in 2000, when the place was just
emerging from decades of neglect. The partners fell in love with
the place, bought a house and settled there. Elliott says once you
get hooked on Asbury you find a way to stay, whether it means
commuting daily or weekly to New York City or Philadelphia,
changing jobs or creating your own. Schiffman, for example, is
a technical writer who lives in Woodbury and commutes to her
girlfriend's place on the water in Asbury every weekend.
Long lingering in decay after the Depression, Asbury has
been re,creating itself since the turn of the millennium. With
an emerging arts scene, Asbury is experiencing an economic,
cultural and political revival.Lesbian and gay residents and other
new investors are leading the city's downtown revitalization.
Most of the dreary and dilapidated blocks overlooking the beach
and the boardwalk are slated for destruction or reconstruction.
The building that houses the Circuit, a popular gay hangout,
was purchased because of its value as waterfront property and
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the club must find a new home.
Today, Asbury is a year-round community made
up of a diverse group of homeowners, as well as a
destination in the warmer months for queers of all
stripes. Fifth Avenue is where lesbians hang out
on the beach, according to Schifffman. Tourists
who flock to Asbury stay at the Empress (asburyempress.com), the Berkeley, the Asbury Inn or
the Oceanic. Bed-and-breakfasts can be found in
nearby Ocean Grove, including the Melrose Inn
(melroseog.com) and the Manchester (themanchesterinn.com).
The luxuriously refurbished Paramount
Theatre (asburyparkconventionhall.com) hosted
Ani Difranco in January and Elliott promises a
fabulous lineup this year. "I guarantee the spring
and summer schedule is jam-packed with fantastic
lesbian and gay performers;' he says.
Aside from the Circuit, the other local lesbian
and gay hangouts are Georgies, the "gay Cheers" of
Asbury, with a pool table, pinball machine and
karaoke; and Paradise (www.paradisenj.com),
a self-contained "compound" featuring a heated
pool, cheap drinks, drag bingo, theme parties and
other weekly specials and activities.
Carla Anderson, a Jersey City resident and
friend to the queer community, likes to spend
summer weekends at Paradise, sitting by the
• pool with a drink in her hand and chilling with
friends. "It's all happy and groovy there;' she says. A
popular hair stylist who owns Balance Hair Salon
(also home to the 18 Erie Art Gallery and World
of Style vintage clothing boutique), Anderson is
heartened by Asbury's real estate offerings. She
found a place she loves in nearby Neptune-a
three-bedroom Colonial near both the beach and
the train for $280,000. She is trying to figure out
WHILE IN ASBURY
• Try Chat & Nibble (932 Asbury
Ave.), a cozy cafe where you can
hang out all day long-even in your
bathing suit. It might look like a
dive, but the locals love it.
• A mere $28 will buy you an
application for a civil union at
Asbury Park City Hall.
• Check out the popular Jersey
Shore Roller Girls (jerseyshorerollergirls.net), representin' Ocean
and Monmouth counties.
• The Jersey Shore Writer's Studio
is a friendly, supportive environment
catering to aspiring theatre artists
and providing a creative home for
new works.
how she can afford the house and still manage to
keep her Jersey City business.
And if you get the bug and decide to come to
town with a U-Haul? Affordable homes are still
available in Asbury and the surrounding beach
communities. Seniors who have raised families
and are retiring and Boomers who are also emptynesters are packing up, selling and moving south. That opens up a completely
new market for lesbians interested in
owning in the area. Indeed, there
are also super-luxe condos going up
along the waterfront: The Esperanza
(esperanzaasburypark.com)
and
Wesley Grove (wesleygroveasbury.
com) are both selling one-bedrooms
starting at just under $500,000 while
Paramount's North Beach project
boasts approximately 160 units in
three buildings: the four-story Seville,
the eight-story Barcelona and the
eight-story Monterey. Prices at each of
these properties range from $500,000
to well over $1 million.
Things are always popping in
Asbury. Whether it's bar hopping or clubbing,
dining at the many upscale restaurants on the
boardwalk-Schiffman
particularly recommends
Moonstruck
(moonstrucknj.com)-watching
gay-themed movies at the retro movie house in
Bradley Beach just 10 minutes away, or shopping
at the local boutiques on Cookman Ave., you'll
never run out of activities, no matter what the
season. ■
May 2008
I37
Going to Pride
Hitting four of the 10 largest parades this summer? Take this cheat sheet with you.
Chicago • June 28-29
Chicago offers a slew of fun things to do during
those times you're not decked out in rainbow
attire and gallivanting about Boystown. Teeter
along the brink of Lake Michigan on a tandem, discover the city's architectural history on
a ChicagoArchitecture
Foundation
river cruise
(architecture.org), find yourself nose to nose with
an Amazonian monster at the SheddAquarium,
or play Funhouse mirrors with your reflection in
the shiny, silver "Cloud Gate'' sculpture known as
"the Bean'' in Millennium
Park.But if you're going
for Pride, you'll need to know these things. - Aeja
Mulholland
big Pride weekend, check out some of the women's
nights at Circuit,home to ChicMix parties, occasional drag king shows and monthly Girl Bar events.
New York City • June 28-29
New York Pride is one-of-a-kind, but the crowds,
cost and heat can make you wish you were home
watching Top Chef reruns. Go to events early, take a
break from the most homo-infested 'hoods during
the thick of the action and try these nifty secrets.
Check out curvemag.com for more Pride N.Y.
-Stephanie Schroeder
TheNewYorkPubliclibraryHumanities
andSocial
Sciences
libraryis great for viewing Sunday's pa-
WHERE
TOSTAY:To be close to the Pride action
in Boystown, book a room at the Majesticor City
SuitesHotel,both members of the lesbian favorite
rade. You'll see the drag queens early, before their
make-up has melted in the heat, and you'll be
able to find shade and places to eat and drink that
aren't overcrowded.
Neighborhood Inns of Chicago. Another convenient Boystown option is the elegant Hawthorne
TerraceBestWestern,a handy address for shopping, dining and nightlife just blocks from Lake
Michigan and Wrigley Field. For a distinctive
San Diego • July 19-20
San Diego LGBT Pride is the seventh largest in
the country-attracting
more than 150,000 spectators to the parade and 50,000 to the weekend
festival. If you're ready to join the festivities, here's
a list of several other destinations within the gayborhood that would be worth checking out while
you're in town.-Margie M. Palmer
address for you and the pooch, opt for one of the
trio of pet-friendly KimptonHotelsdowntown,
boutique properties with character. To really impress
your date, HotelBurnham
is the most dramatic of
the three.
WHERE
TOEAT:
If you're craving spicy south-of-theborder flavors, downtown's tastiest destination is
FronteraGrill.Longstanding gayborhood favorite
Kit Katloungeis the place to tuck into elaborate
salads, steaks and frou frou drinks while you catch
the nightly drag queen shows. If you've had your
fill of Boystown, saunter north to Andersonville,
Chicago's lesbian neighborhood. For a familyfriendly menu, sashay into Hamburger
Mary'sand
feast on its enormous burgers. M. Henryis the perfect place to indulge in a decadent brunch, including tasty vegan and vegetarian options. Lesbianowned Tweetserves up down-home brunch to
local lesbians and their boi friends.
WHERETO PLAY:The girls usually outnumber
the boys in the intimate Boystown video den The
Closet.
For a night on the prowl, make your way to
Andersonville's Stargaze.
For laid-back drinks with
the locals, check out lesbian-owned BigChicksin
Andersonville. If you're in town before or after the
38
Icurve
lesbionic place in Manhattan for post-Pride partying. RaptureCafeand Booksis a good choice
for hanging out and meeting people, especially
during the day. They have free Wi-Fi, fair trade
coffee and usually at least one queen behind the
counter singing show tunes. The NewYorkDyke
March,the required event for meeting, well, dykes
in all manner of dress and undress. BryantParkis
handy if you need to use the bathroom while waiting for the rest of your pussy posse to show up for
the Dyke March. The facilities are worth a peek
even if nature's not calling; it's the most beautiful
public bathroom in the entire city. Dried flowers,
anyone? Also known as the "library with the lions;'
WHERE
TOSTAY:
Lesbian-owned, women-friendly
East Village B&B (evbandb@juno.com) in the
Village is affordable and adorable. If you are looking for an all-out-luxury and gay-friendly experience, the SoHoGrandHotelis the place to go. Don't
laugh, but with NYC in June as pricey as it is, the
HyattRegencyJerseyCity offers more bang for
your buck. Only minutes from the action.
WHERE
TOSTAY:
If you want to be dose to everything but don't want to be in the middle of the party,
the Lafayette
HotelandSuitesmay be just the hotel
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
WHERE
TOEAT:S'MACis not, as the name implies,
a BDSM club. It's a macaroni and cheese-only
theme restaurant. Very tasty, but leave your vegan
ex back at the hotel. The Tini Wine Bar Cafein
Brooklyn is worth the trip if you've got a sweetie
(or a sweetie for the weekend) you want to impress with your sense of romance. After dinner,
stroll down Van Brunt Street and watch the sun
set over the Verrazano Bridge and the Statue of
Liberty.
WHERETO PLAY:HenriettaHudsonis the most
you're looking for. ParkManorSuitesis good for
people who are willing to spend a little more money
on a room, are traveling in a group and want to be
within crawling distance of the festival.
WHERE
TOEAT:
LeiLounge
is hip, swank and decorated with a tropical island flare. The menu predominantly consists of tapas and specialty drinks,
as t his restaurant caters to a more sophisticated
cc
w
~
::J
~
::.::
u
cn
~-
par1oice
:ially
rrade
l the
~yke
tykes
rkis
vaitfor
eek
tiful
rers,
ms;'
crowd. Would-be diners might remember Urban
Mo'sBarandGrillas the bar formerly known as
Hamburger Mary's. The name has changed, but
many things remain the same. Urban Mo's is
more the place to go if you're craving a burger and
a stiff drink. BajaBetty'sis owned by the same
restaurateur who owns Urban Mo's, but it turns
the party down a notch. It serves restaurant-style
Mexican food in a fun, upbeat environment. If
you're looking for the place that serves the best
breakfast in town, look no farther. CrestCafeis
perfect for those craving good ol' fashioned diner
food. If you want to grab a quick sandwich but
crave something of higher quality than what's offered by a corporate chain, BreadandCie,which
makes all its breads from scratch daily, is where
you want to go.
WHERE
TO PLAY:The girls will be flocking to
Numbers
on Friday night. Keep in mind that San
,cial
Diego doesn't have a dedicated lesbian bar, so
paheir
although this is the place to kick off Pride weekend, the party the following night will take place
directly across the street at TheFlame.A bar that
doesn't feel like it, Bourbon
Streethas two indoor
rooms, a second-floor game room and an enormous outside patio. This is a mixed bar but the
girls typically rule the venue on Fridays until llp.m.
and Sundays most of the day.
I be
hat
tin
>ecnd
re's
gay Pride women's host hotel this year.
From tea service to cultural services (sake tasting)
to the hot in-house restaurant O (an American
CURVE
take on the classic Japanese Izakaya house),
Kabuki has it all and an incredible queer-friendly
communal bath (with women-only Sundays,
Wednesdays and Fridays).
WANTTO PRETEND
YOU'RE
ILENECHAIKEN:
At
Outbyowner.com,
the LGBT-friendly, DIY-travel
website, you can find an amazing house atop Twin
Peaks with floor-to-ceiling windows, views of the
city, bridges and bays, fireplaces and a Jacuzzi tub
built for two. You'll never want to leave.
WANTTOREALLY
PLAY:
HotelTornois a funky little hotel with anime murals and awesome gaming
rooms replete with PlayStation 3, Wii, bean bag
chairs and 6-foot LCD projection screens.
WANTTOBETREATED
LIKEA ROCK
STAR?:
With
panoramic views from all its rooms, chic XYZ
Lounge
andBlissSpa(try the movie-and-manicure
stations!), the Woffers the full rock-star treatment.
The four-star Westinis sleek and cosmopolitan
(perfect for 24/7 activity) and the artsy Galleria
Parkoffers a private half-acre urban park-on the
3rd floor of the hotel-with stunning city views.
WANTTOGOGREEN:
The OrchardGardenHotel
San Francisco • June 28-29
It's the grandmother of gay Prides, the biggest and,
by some accounts, the best. In this town there's a
place for every budget. But you'll want to make
reservations now. -Diane Anderson-Minshall
ayile
is California's first truly green hotel and what an
amazing one it is. The hotel has an ecofriendly,
Euro-style keycard energy control system and
doesn't skimp on luxury (LCD with DVD), surprises (a huge balcony patio) or location (right at
the gates of Chinatown).
ry-
WHERE
TOSTAYIF YOUAREONA BUDGET:
At
ElementsHotel,a rare boutique hostel, you can
WANT
TOSTAY
WETALLWEEKEND:
TheHandlery
otel
sleep above and next to two of the city's hottest
restauraunts for as low as $29. Enjoy cocktails
and a 360-degree view of the city on the sky terrace and free breakfast at attached lesbian hotspot
is steps from Pride and has a great little heated
pool, while in the quieter Marina district, the kidfriendly HotelDelSolfeels like SoCal (think palm
trees and sparkling water).
Medjool.
WANTTOPARTY
WITHTHECURVE
GIRLS:
There's
little wonder why the KabukiHotelis the official
, or
iey
be
cc
m-
re-
UJ
(!)
a:
::::)
!Q.
::.::
0
~s, 0
1ed ~
WANTTOSEEPRIDE
FROMYOUR
WINDOW:
With
a $30-million renovation in the works, Pare55 is
looking sexy and modern (plasmas, built-in charger docks, etc.) and has private "workout" themed
rooms aimed at girljocks like us. Parc's Pride package offers awesome balcony rooms that look out
over Market Street's parade route-and partial
proceeds go to charity. Meanwhile, the landmark
RenoirHoteloffers a view of pride from its renovated, Euro-style, tum-of-the-century rooms. ■
) Goto curvemag.comfor our nrfty guides to v1s1ting
SF and NYCwithout drarnrngyour bank account.
May
2ooaj 39
The L Word did a great Job dealing with "Don't Ask, Don't
Tell" In a humane way. Talk to me about your research.
I had spoken with probably around 10 different soldiers and
just listened to their stories, and they all were so different.
Some people were relieved to be removed from the military
and others still wanted to fight it out. Many felt betrayed
and ... basically abandoned because they fought so hard and
then were under review for something like, so simple as sexual orientation. But all the women, they were just so strong,
and I definitely commend them for just even being out there
and fighting for our country, especially in this state that our
country's in right now today.
Do you have newfound respect for military women?
Oh absolutely. One hundred percent. To this day there are
women who approach me and show me their military badge.
They're just really proud. And I just feel honored that I can
even represent them in any way, shape or form. I'm just one
little voice on such a small scale, and I just feel so honored
because I have so much respect for them.
How do they feel about your character?
They love it. And I'm so relieved because it's such a serious
issue, and I was definitely intimidated. I just wanted to make
... them proud.
I was shocked to read that up to $363 million has been
spent training replacements for the almost 10,000
people who've been discharged in essentially the last
decade.
Wow, huge number.
Is our next president going to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't
Tell?"
Absolutely. I think the policy kind of backfired. I absolutely
think when Barack is president [laughs]there'll definitely be
a lot of changes. I have a strong feeling about that.
So you're a Barack Obama supporter?
Oh, yeah. Definitely.
I think It's amazing we're at this point where we're choosing between an African American man and a white
woman as the Democratic candidate.
Yeah, exactly. Who would have thought that it would be in our
generation? I've noticed that there are just so many more
people out there now that are voting for Democrat. [0 bama]
won Mississippi last night and I guess there were 400,000
people who voted for Democrats and 130,000 voted for
Republicans. There's definitely going to be a Democrat in
the office.
Do you think that has a lot to do with the war in Iraq?
Yeah, absolutely. I think people are ready for the troops to come
home. I think we don't even know at this point what we're
fighting for. But so ma~y more of our people are dying. And
for what? I feel like we can't even trust who's representing us
right now. We don't even know [President Bush's] truth.
This season you actually got to play off Kelly McGillis,
who I thought had a really great role as your military
prosecutor. In the '80s when Top Gun was out I don't
think there was a lesbian alive who didn't fall in love
with Kelly McGillis.
[Laughs.]Yeah, definitely. She's really on top of her stuff, and we
had a great rapport. She's very serious about her role ... she
had a smaller arc, but she took it very seriously. It's great to
work with her.
So in the end do you feel Tasha chose love over duty?
I think there were more variables involved, but, at the end of
the day, yeah, I do. But I don't want anyone to think that
she chose Alice over her career. There's a difference. I think
she finally realized what it is she was initially fighting for.
Just kind oflike the war going on now. In the beginning, yes,
we were fighting for this. But now, what am I really fighting for? I've come to a crossroads and now I'm having to lie
about who I am and it's just getting too ugly and-you know
what-if they don't want me, I don't want them. And I want
to continue my life and maybe choose another path as to
where I can be happy and also be proud of who I am and not
have to hide any longer. I think my character was just tired
of hiding. Tired of denying her life and everything about her.
It was hard.
It's amazing people do manage to do that for decades,
because that seems so psychologically difficult to do.
Yeah, even preparing for it is. Especially when you're simultaneously just a proud individual; you stick to your morals, but
then having to hide who you are totally contradicts everything you stand for.
So it sounds like you would have come to the same
decision Tasha did?
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
Tasha is more reserved than the other characters on the
show. Are you the strong silent type off-screen as well?
Um, no. [Laughs.]I feel like I'm changing. I'm turning 30 next
month and ... I'm seeing a difference in mysel£ I definitely
like to have fun.
Do you get the overwhelming crush of fans that the
other actors on the show already have?
Well, I definitely do get my fair share. When I go to ... the Abby
in L.A. ~r ... to gay establishments, then it's overwhelming.
Like whoa, OK. [Laughs.]But day-to-day life, every once in
a while someone will just say,"I really love you on the show"
42
Icurve
you or were you kind of a tomboy as a kid?
I still am a tomboy! In my everyday life, I'm a lot more feminine,
but I'm definitely a tomboy at heart. And I was able to access
that side of me very easily. I was raised with five brothers so
I definitely had to fend for mysel£ It's kind of my comfort
zone. I didn't want to fall into the trap of trying to be a butch
if that is not who I essentially am. I think that that would
come across as disingenuous. So, I wasn't even trying to be
a butch. I was just bringing what I knew ... to this character
without trying to be someone who I'm not.
That's the authenticity fans felt. It's not an act. You don't
need like, a fake mustache to play butch.
[Laughs.]In one of the episodes that recently aired I read somewhere,"Oh Tasha runs like a girl:' And I'm like, Oh no! I forgot. I still feel like there's so much of myself in this character
that OK, maybe they caught me running like how I would
normally run. In some cases you definitely have to butch it
up a little. It was so embarrassing, I felt like I was caught
with my pants down. [Laughs.]
Tasha is from a very different world than Alice, not just
in that she's a patriotic supporter of the military but
probably in her class and cultural background as well.
and I definitely appreciate that. But I don't think I'm any
comparison with Shane or Kate.
You don't have to worry about paparazzi outside your
house every morning.
[Laughs.]No, not at all. And that's still good. Something bothered me though ... I'm visiting my grandmother here in
Sacramento [Calif.] right now, so yesterday we were at the
airport. I was with my little brother and my grandmother
is in the hospital, I wasn't feeling too well, and there were
two women who I had noticed, and they definitely recognized me, and I never have a problem with anyone asking,
"May I take a picture?" That's fine. But I got really annoyed
because then I went to meet my mother, and we were across
the street, and I just see them snapping pictures across the
street, and I just feel like that's just so invasive and rude. I
got really pissed and I'm like, "Oh, my God, I don't want to
turn into one of those people:' I just really felt like, OK let's
move, so ... I got out of sight of them. You know, that's when
it becomes a little overwhelming, but overall I'm so appreciative. That just means I'm doing my job well and I appreciate
anyone that acknowledges me.
A lot of lesbians think that Tasha was the most authentically butch character on the show. Was that difficult for
44
I curve
How much back story did you give Tasha?
In the beginning, they didn't know where they were going with
my character. Initially, I was supposed to play basketball. I
definitely didn't want to make her stereotypical at all. I did
give her a certain level of respect that I felt I always wanted
to make sure she worked to attain and maintain.
One thing that The L Word hasn't touched on enough is
the sizeable African American lesbian community that's
not always represented in white lesbian culture.
Yeah, I was talking to Angela Robinson, because you know she's
a black lesbian, obviously, and I was talking to her about
that. I went to Atlanta for Gay Pride and I did notice there's
this huge, huge, black lesbian population that is definitely
not getting touched on at all on The L Word. I brought that
back to Angela and talked to her about that and ... the next
week it was in the script. [I'm saying] "Oh yeah, it's a black
club downtown, you don't know anything about that" and
Alice is like, "Oh, I thought I knew all the lesbian clubs:'
One thing I love about Tasha that maybe gets overlooked
because there's so much talk about this being a lesbian
show but really she doesn't fall into any stereotypes TV
offers up for African American women on-screen.
That is also something that I'm very aware 0£ I kind of had
to modify some situations. I'm very aware of not allowing
her to fall into any stereotypes. Even for my introduction
on the show there was a time when I was coming across as
so angry... it's a very fine line. Yeah, I have some shit going
on. I have a right to be angry without it being stereotypical,
but you just have to be careful. And then I also wanted to
be specific about the fact that anytime a friend of mine was
introduced, he or she was black ... it just doesn't make sense
that I'm with a white woman, and I'm so comfortable being
with a white woman, but yet my entire world is black, you
know? Let's just bring a little more diversity, so that there
aren't so many color lines. That's definitely an issue. And
Ilene [Chaiken] ... didn't even realize it. "She's like, oh actu-
ally you're right. I didn't even think about it:' And it's never
been a problem, but I'm always aware of that.
Next year's going to be the last season for The L Word.
I just spoke to Ilene a few days ago and she just said, "Well, any,
thing goes:' And it's like, uh oh! [Laughs.]
Could be a bumpy ride. What would you like for Tasha?
I'd like her to find her own identity outside of the war and out,
side of her relationship. I would definitely like for people to
get to know her a little better, because I still feel like there's a
lot of ambiguity surrounding her.
Love it or hate it, The L Word has offered a common
language that the lesbian community speaks with now.
Do you think the impact it has on the lesbian community
will live on after the series ends next year?
Yeah, I definitely think people will still watch it. I think it's al,
ready going into syndication. The people who love the show,
love the show. It's a cult classic.
It was certainly groundbreaking, a show almost entirely
about queer girls. Will we see that again on TV?
I think we will, but at this point it won't be as original as The L
Word was. But I think they have to. The girls need a voice!
Have your eyes been opened by The L Word?
Not really. I'm a pretty open person in general, and I was also
really into TheL Word before I got the role. I watched every
episode. It's one of my favorite shows. I definitely gained a
lot. I got the opportunity to work with such talented women
and I made a few friends. We have so much fun in Vancouver
SPONSORED
IN PARTBY:
[British Columbia]. We kind of act like we're away at camp.
Will there be a movie, like Sex and the City?
We all joke about the possibility sometimes. You never know.
The show has a very strong fan base, so they might write
into Showtime and harass them until it happens. [Laughs.]
But Sex and the City (gets J four or five girls together after
a few years but with (The L Word] it's getting 12 women
together.
The West Wing was your first little break.
Yeah. It was a very small role. It was nothing in comparison to
this role.
When did you think, Oh, this is my break?
Never. [Laughs.] I feel like you never really get a break; you
can never call it your break until you can actually support
yourself as an actor. And with this show, it's been the first
time I've been able to support myself and live comfortably
through acting. That's a break. I'm not trying to become a
star; I just want to live a comfortable lifestyle doing what it
is that I love to do. That's it. I'm in heaven.
Does acting still terrify you?
Oh my God, yes. Every single moment, every time I step out
there, and even when I go back to shoot the next season, the
first day I'm gonna probably pass out. It never gets easier,
even though I know Tasha so well at this point.
Fast-forward one year and the show is just ending.
I'll be 30 and I'm ready for this decade. I'm excited; it's a whole
new chapter in my life. ■
-
A.DELTA
May 2008 j 45
*
DECISION 2008
is turningout to be a
wild and bumpy ride in
Why I Want Hillary
Let's put her in the Oval Office. By KristinA. Smith
whichtwo Democratic
candidates-HillaryClinton
and BarackObama-are
changingthe landscape
of Americanpolitics(as
well as makinghistory);
the gay-friendliest
politician,
long-shotcandidateOhio
CongressmanDennis
Kucinich,dropped out
but stillhas supportfrom
queer iconslike Melissa
Etheridge;and Republican
nomineeJohn McCain is
taking heat from his own
·partyfor beingtoo gayfriendly(he ralliedagainst
the federalanti-marriage
amendmenttwice) and
not conservativeenough.
What's a lesbianvoter
to do? CuRvEhas the
answers-or at least more
questionsfrom women
with a diversearray of
opinionson an election
that provesto be anything
but boring.
46
Icurve
On the night of the California primary, we all
huddled around the TV at Hillary Clinton's headquarters in San Francisco. The batteries in our cell
phones were dead and our voices were weak from
making hours of phone calls, but there was still an
energy in the air.
It wasn't the same energy that the media picks
up on at Barack Obama rallies-we were not tearing
down posters, standing on chairs or acting like
fans at a rock concert. It was a more refined energy,
quiet but palpable-the kind of energy that a great
teacher can inspire in a classroom of dedicated
students. And we were ready to learn.
We watched as Clinton gave her victory speech
on the win in California. Among the diverse group
stood a woman of my mother's age. When Clinton
said she wanted to acknowledge her own mother,
who grew up in a time when women were not
allowed to vote and was now watching her daughter
run for president, this woman began to cry.
It was the kind of cry
that comes at the end of a
long fight-an exhausted
and relieved cry, like you'd
have if you won a boxing match with one hand
tied behind your back.
This was what she had
been waiting 30 years for.
This woman was the embodi·ment of the women's
movement. And there on
the screen was a leader of the same movement.
Clinton is, and for many years has been, a
champion of women's rights. At the 1995 U.N.
World Conference on Women, she criticized
the international community for allowing the
pervasive abuse of women, saying that it is the
duty of "all governments-here
and around the
world-( to] accept their responsibility" in protecting women's rights. She went on to say that "it
is no longer acceptable to discuss women's rights
as separate from human rights:' This refrain was
repeated throughout the speech. The rousing rhetoric and impassioned delivery of the speech is a reminder that beneath the much derided pantsuits,
Clinton is a passionate fighter, willing to take on
the establishment.
Within the political arena, Clinton has proven
herself the consummate multitasker-graciously moving between her roles of wife, mother and
politician. She redefined the role of bureaucratic
first lady and reminded us that a president's wife
can do more than redecorate the Oval Office; she
can run it. In the face of Bill's affair, she maintained
her dignity and made her own name in politics.
As a mother, she raised a beautiful and intelligent
young woman. And as a New York senator, she was
easilyre-elected to a second term.
As a presidential candidate, Clinton has undergone abrasive attacks from both sides. We ask her
to be tough enough to play with the big boys, and
when she is, we chide her for lacking femininity.
When she cries, we say she is too emotional-and
when she doesn't, she's too cold. Most recently, we
accepted the notion that she is "too ambitious" to
be president. She is not running for president of
the PT A, she is running for
president of the United States
of America.
In fact, the very adjective
that is used to dismissClinton
as unelectable is used to support Obama's candidacy.What
could be more ambitious than
running for president with little
to no foreign policy experience?
Obama is seen as a"fresh face"
in politics. If he were a woman,
he would be seen as inexperienced. I will gladly
vote for Obama in eight years, but he needs time
to prove his leadership. Give Obama time to hone
his skills. Don't let the election be a reflection of
the workplace-don't let a less qualified man take
the position from a more qualified woman.
We need a president who knows how to clean
up the mess of the last eight years. We need a
president who can act on day one. We need a
president who knows foreign policy and how to
navigate the system. Our time needs to be spent
ending the war in Iraq, reducing our national debt,
resuscitating our education system, instating
national healthcare and reclaiming our country.
And Hillary is the woman to do it all. ■
I'm Backing Obama
It's time to have hope again. By Jonanna Widner
I live in Dallas, just a short drive away from the
ghostly intersection on the edge of downtown
where John F. Kennedy was assassinated. In
fact, in the course of traversing life in my neighborhood, I often end up driving down the exact
route of the fateful Kennedy motorcade: north
on Houston, west several yards down Elm, under
the triple overpass. It's a route I take almost daily,
usually on some mundane errand such as picking
up a gallon of milk.
It is a surreal and chilling few seconds, heading
to the grocery store along the same street where a
violent act sent our country swerving so hard to
the right. It's all there: the depository, its beautiful
red bricks stark against a blue Texas sky.The grassy
knoll, flanked by a now-rotting wooden fence. The
underpass, just as you've seen it a hundred times
in movies, documentaries and the Zapruder film,
right after Jackie Kennedy jumped to the back of
the car to grab her husband's skull.
As dramatically seared into our nation's collective memory as those images are, they are not
the most disturbing parts of the drive. The spinetraversing chills and lumpy throat are reservedon my part, at least-for two simple white X's
painted on the street. The X's mark the exact spots
where two bullets tore into Kennedy's neck and
brain, killing him.
Those X's are why I'm voting for Barack
Obama.
See, those X's do not just mark a gruesome bit
of history. Ghoulish as they are, they pinpoint the
exact moment when we as a nation made a wrong
turn, from dreamy aspirations to nightmarish cynicism, from confidence to fear, from envisioning a
bright future to struggling day-to-day. After the
X's, before Obama, it felt like we were stuck, slaves
to the cynical inertia triggered by that November
day. But since Obama, a certain word has returned
from exile and is back in the political lexicon:
hope.
It's a curious and rather beautiful paradox
that in some ways Obama's rise would have been
much more difficult had it not been for Kennedy's
assassination. While he was alive, Kennedy's ambitious civil rights legislation faced an uncertain
journey through Congress, but after his death,
Lyndon Johnson strong-armed it into law, as a
tribute to Kennedy's legacy.
And so Obama finds himself an heir-in many
ways-to the fiery fight for social justice begun by
many and embodied by Kennedy. And Obama
doesn't disappoint: LGBT issues, women's issues,
racial issues, class issues-these are things most
politicians avoid as if they were not problems but
porcupines. These politicos are afraid-afraid
of appearing "too liberal;' afraid that bringing up
uncomfortable subjects will just prove to be too
alienating.
Taking on these topics is Obama's gift,however,
and it was Kennedy's too. Obama is fearless in
his honest, driving, direct approach. Sans drama,
with compassion and eloquence, he drags these
issues from musty closets and, well, outs them.
Take his Jan. 20, 2008 comments to a primarily
African American audience in Atlanta: "[I]f we are
honest with ourselves;' he said, "we must admit
that none of our hands are entirely clean ... We
have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead
of embracing them:•
Think of the naked honesty there: Have you
ever heard a politician take on the tricky confluence
of civil rights, race and LGBT issues? Have you
ever heard a politician call out his own base and
challenge them to do better in such a way? Have
you ever heard a politician call gay people brothers
and sisters?
And then, of course, there is the eloquence. I
don't consider myself a Christian, but the Obama
campaign's religious undertones are undeniable,
and undeniably appealing. Obama's podium often
seems more like a pulpit. With his cadences and
intense-but-personable eloquence, he preaches
his gospel of political resurrection: the rebirth
of hope-the type of hope last embodied in the
Kennedy White House. This is the type of hope
that, at my age, I have never encountered. This is
the type of hope that, sadly, does not come along
every day in American politics. And this is the
type of hope that has led me to believe in certain
forms of resurrection myself: the rebuilding of
New Orleans, the resurgence of social justice, the
recasting of fear from a manipulative tool into an
opportunity for change. This last one is Obama's
promise, and it reminds me of those X's on Elm
Street. Because if you look at an X the right way,
it is not an X at all, but an intersection, a crossroads. Maybe this time we'll choose the right
direction. ■
May 2008 j 47
What If I Don't Like Anyone?
Why this conservative lesbian can't find a candidate to love. By Tammy Bruce
How I identify may
sound like a contradiction,
but it's really not. I want
government to be small
and unobtrusive. Whenever
government gets big, that
means it's interfering in our
lives, and that's never been a
I'm a pro-choice lesbian feminist. I'm also an independent conservative and have grown increasingly
frustrated with all the candidates for president. I
have never voted for a candidate because of the
letter after the name, and I still have not made a
decision about whom I will vote for in November.
For the first time in a presidential race I am not
only not excited about a candidate, I am extremely
concerned about all their agendas.
good thing for gays, whose
freedom and independence
rely in large part on the
majority leaving us alone. A
main problem is how conservatism is viewed-which
is that it has been attached
to religious politics for too
long. Independent conservatives stand for principles at the heart of what's
important to minorities and women, recognize the
importance of faith in making this nation great, yet
understand it is not the government's business to
become the morality police.
As a feminist, I also want women to be free
to make the choices that best suit them, and the
only way were able to do that is to be financially
independent. When you rely on a check from
a lover, your family, a spouse or the government,
you are never truly free. Small government means
fewer "programs" and bureaucrats to interfere with
our lives. It also requires less money to run, which
means taxes are lower, we keep the fruits of our labor
and we are more in control of our lives.
I remember the days of working on the 1992
Bill Clinton, Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer
campaigns. It was indeed much more romantic
and fulfilling to have a cause, to be excited and
invested in a candidate. I could argue that it's
heartbreaking to be old enough to see people like
the Clintons for who they really are, but it also
means we are less likely to be, as Melissa Etheridge
put it, "thrown under the bus" by people who claim
to be our champions.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, while I'm
excited about what their candidacies represent,
are both running on the Jimmy Carter Platform
of Disaster. They pledge to raise our taxes, make
government monstrous in size, surrender to the
enemy and confiscate oil company profits-the
same profits from publicly held companies that
fund dividend checks to middle-class Americans.
Ironically, Clinton and Obama rail against big
corporations and yet their platforms are based on
The To 10 Reasons to Still Vote for Huckabee
~ I absolutely adore his last name ...makes
me·think of picking wild huckleberries in
the mountains of Montana.
0 He was the only candidate who really
understood there is no way a woman's
body descended from apes. We are clearly
the product of intelligent design.
C, Of the four major candidates in the
primaries for both parties, one was a
woman, one was an African American and
one was a (very) senior citizen...Mike was
the only "regular'' guy up there.
& We can be absolutely positive that he
would be 100 percent dedicated to his
work (because there is no pretty girl off
________________________________________________
48lcurve
on the sidelines who'd ever want to share
a pizza with him).
the Constitution and meld our government
with the church. Ya gotta love that nerve!
0 I was looking for a good reason to
give my mom for why I want to move to
Canada.
8 Hey, I'm a writer, and Mike has an
amazing knack for metaphors and an
impressive imagination (comparing his
weight loss to that of a Nazi concentration camp survivor, suggesting Mormons
believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers, and illustrating how marriage between
two loving people of the same sex will lead
to bestiality, just ~o name a very few).
0 Even if I don't make it to Canada, I
could really use some time away from it
all, and Mike's gone on record saying he
thinks some of us, especially those with
HIV/AIDS, should be separated from the
rest of society.
:.::
()
O He won in Iowa, and I love corn.
And the number one reason Huckabee
got my vote:
O Who doesn't adore a revolutionary?
O He's darn near almost as good as my
~
I mean, this guy was actually going to
attempt to change the entire basis of
all-time most favorite candidate, David
Duke. -Sheryl Kay
..;.____________
~
~
w
0
it
0
Cl
w
___.c,
a:
Well, I'm sure that there are jobs I haven't gotten be,
cause I'm gay.It's like working in any workplace.
There are assholes everywhere. I think what is
different, as a pseudo,public figure in the media,
continuing the Bush adminstration's obsession
with making the U.S. government the biggest
corporation of them all. With corrupt bureau,
cratic failures like Social Security and FEMA
already in place, why we would willingly hand
over our healthcare to the federal government
is beyond me, but Democrats, and many others,
cheer that, too.
Today's Republicans are no different. Like the
religious liberal President George W. Bush, John
McCain panders to the religious community by
declaring himself"pro,life." Apparently that's code
to people of faith, somehow proving he's a conser,
vative.People aren't buying it. To his credit, he did
vote against Bush's ridiculous prescription drug
care program, with a cost that is still unknown
but estimated to be in the tens of trillions of
dollars. He also said that he's against entitle,
ments and earmarks in legislation-that little perk
legislators employ to insert pet programs into
unrelated legislation, using our tax dollars
for bridges to nowhere or, in Clinton's case, a
$1 million request for a Woodstock museum.
I think we can all agree that more
computers, books and other improvements for
our local schools should trump an homage to
hippies from the 1960s.
Despite his votes against certain silly and
outrageous spending, McCain also voted
against the one conservative thing Bush has put
forward-the tax cuts. He also refuses to pledge
not to raise taxes in the future. That is not a good
sign, and while it may seem like a boring issue,
this is the best indicator of whether a candidate
thinks government should control our lives or let
us live them on our own terms.
Would I rather be excited about a
candidate? Of course. But I also know there is
now too much at stake not to admit that allthe pre,
tenders to the White House-no
matter what
<
(.)
they
say,
regardless
of
their
spins-are
really all
a:
w
the same. They all have lost the sense of what our
~
<
a:
Founding Fathers were committed to-a small
<(
u..
government that exists to facilitate the freedom
0
>m of the people by staying out of our lives.
li:
In November, I just may write in "George
::J
0
(.)
Washington:' Or better yet, ''.AbigailAdams:' ■
putting myself out there and being out, is that it
is the first refuge of scoundrels for attacks, that
if I weren't gay,[it] would be about me being ugly.
I£ for example, a clip of me on television ends
up on a website, the pro comments on me are
going to be really sweet, but the anti comments
are going to be 'That fucking dyke." So rather
than say "Well, I really disagree with her posi,
tion on Mitt Romney and what he did;' [it's]
'That dyke, I can't believe that she thinks she's
Fresh Air
We've got a crush on Air America
Radio'slesbianpoliticalanalyst,
Rachel Maddow.
For a dose of political commentary, straight
women have wavy,haired Tucker Carlson,
conservatives have that blond half,wit, gay
men have Anderson Cooper and we gals have
Rachel Maddow. With her relentless lefty
talk on The Rachel Maddow Show and enough
charm to give Barack Obama a run for his
money, she verbally jousts with the toughest
Republican pundit and walks away unscathed.
Maddow's path to politics has been a long
one. The 34,year,old San Francisco Bay Area na,
tive was the first openly gay American Rhodes
Scholar, landed in broadcast journalism on a bet,
says that her interests outside politics are drinking
and reading comic books and will admit that Pat
Buchanan is a nice guy outside the political realm.
She tackles tough issues and earns respect for
lesbian politicos along the way. - ColleenM. Lee
What drew you to political commentary?
I went to Stanford and did not enjoy myself One of
the ways that I found my purpose. ..in an environ,
ment where I didn't feel very welcome was to get
involvedin activism.I had become pretty involved
with ACT UP.
Your interest is in AIDS activism and prison
reform. As an out lesbian, why not choose
the women's rights route?
I get all sorts of credit for working on lesbian
issues or women's issues and even gay rights
issues, none of which I do. People assume
that's what I do because of who I am. Most
think that my doctoral thesis was on women
in prison and it wasn't at all [laughs].When I
graduated, the head of my department stood
up and thanked me for my work on women's
rights and I didn't do that at all. It's weird.
Have you encountered any backlash, being
even qualified to talk about an upstanding man
like Mitt Romney:' It shapes the character of the
personal attacks.
Do you have respect for any of the Republican
pundits?
There is very little personal yada,yada that goes
with the pundit world. Maybe other people get
invited to parties.
You don't?
No, and if I do, I don't go. It's really nice of Lou
Dobbs to ask me to be on his show, but I don't
want to have dinner with him. Pat Buchanan
has been professionally incredibly kind to me.
That doesn't mean Pat and I want to, you know...
I hear that Pat's a nice guy-actually.
Yeah, he's kind. You know, Monica.Crowley, who's
politically one of the most toxic people, is
incredibly personally generous and I feel like I
have an affable relationship with her. But does
that translate into respect for what they are
trying to do for the country? No. Pat Buchanan
is nice to me, but I think we would be maybe
better off if he wasn't doing what he's doing.
There's been talk that you might be replacing
Tucker Carlson. Is there any truth to those
rumors?
I should say first of all that those rumors are
wildly exaggerated. I have not shot a pilot with
MSNBC, contrary to popular belie£ I've been
trying to break that news on my radio show
but apparently it's not working, so you can
break it in CURVE if you want.
How would you gauge the political climate?
Are we ready for a woman president or an
African American president, or are we going
to stick with the white guys for now?
I can't imagine any of the people who are running
for president now actually being president.
Can your ■
an out lesbian in the current political environment?
)
To read the full interview, v1s1tcurvemag.com.
May 2008
I49
Power to the Women
If she wins the White House, she'llhave lesbiansto thank. By VictoriaA. Brownworth
The nation is-for
once-in
agreement on one
has the vision, the drive and the knowledge to lead
issue this campaign season: This election is of great
feminist icons (like Gloria Steinem) and power
dykes-big,name
lesbian celebrities who have
importance and even greater excitement.
The Democrats have cornered the market on
made getting Clinton elected their own personal
cause celebre. In early February, lesbian,feminist
the excitement. History has been made: Either Sen.
Hillary Clinton or Sen. Barack Obama will be the
author and activist Robin Morgan updated her
classic essay "Goodbye to All That;' reframing it
been vlogging weekly on AfterEllen about Hillary.
The comedian's send,up of the campaign is tided
nominee of the Democratic Party. This represents
in the context of the election and her decision to
the first time that a major U.S. political party has
chosen either a woman or an African American as
endorse Hillary Clinton for president, calling it
"Goodbye to the Double Standard:'
"Hilarity Clinton:'
Kate isn't the only lesbian comedian stump,
its nominee.
Morgan, the author of the groundbreaking
anthology SisterhoodIs Powerfuland co,founder of
resident lesbian comedian, Julie Goldman, of The
Big Gay Sketch Show is also a Hillary supporter.
the Women's Media Center, asserted that the me,
Goldman told About.com that she was definitely
dia's treatment of Clinton exemplifies how vicious
and tenacious sexism remains. Morgan indicted
supporting Clinton for president because it was
time. But as Goldman explained her reasons for
liberals and progressives who cite their deep con,
supporting Clinton, she also raised the specter of
cerns over racism yet ignore sexism, citing point
for point where the media has found it acceptable
to bait Clinton on gender,related issues. Yet, if
why others don't.
"This is just so fascinating, this whole time
The media has focused largely on Obama and
the so,called "cult of Obamania;' as Los Angeles
Times columnist Joel Stein calls it, but Clinton has
comedian Kate Clinton. Kate, a big supporter, has
ing for our first woman president, however. Logo's
the media had harassed Obama on racial issues, it
right now. People are so passionate. It's so personal
for everyone. I like her. People hate her. It's a curi,
would have (rightly) been a source of outrage.
osity to me. Why do people hate her?"
Morgan's speech, turned into an Internet essay
that has reached millions, stoked many lesbians
The answer is resoundingly simple: sexism.
Comedian Ellen DeGeneres has supported
into supporting Clinton because it reminded them
Clinton from the outset, even launching her fall 2007
season with a two,part interview with Clinton. On
Feb. 26, 2008, DeGeneres, whom friends said was
of their feminist roots.
Tennis legend Billie Jean King, whose famous
"Battle of the Sexes" tennis match against Bobby
ties endorsing Clinton, from Madonna to Steven
Riggs was a seminal moment in sports history,
endorsed Clinton with her characteristic fervor.
"Hillary and I both believe strongly in equal
Spielberg to 50 Cent and P!nk.
Amidst Clinton's staunchest supporters are
rights and opportunities for all people. She is a
winner and I am standing beside her because she
been culling support from a wide range of sources.
Like Obama, there are, naturally, big,name celebri,
this country;' she said.
Joining King in campaigning for Clinton is the
becoming increasingly frustrated with the media
coverage-or skewing-of Clinton's run for presi,
dent, decided to "drop in'' on the presidential hope,
ful during one of her campaign rallies in Texas.
The crowd went wild when DeGeneres
appeared on the screen above the audience and
Fun with Bush
Will you miss Bush junior and
his cronies? Well, that's a silly
question. We will definitely
miss making fun of their verbal and political blundersand that is one of the reasons
Lil' Bush on Comedy Central
has been so successful. To
ease the pain of the George
W. Bush administration, all
seven long plague years, a
chuckle has always been
in order, and this cartoon
brings the laugh track home.
It cleverly shows little W as a
Beltway Elementary School
bully, along with his friends
(his administration) and his
nemeses, the Lil' Dems (think
Nancy Pelosi and Hillary
Clinton). And, even though
a combination of arrogance,
stupidity and elitism is very
rarely funny, this cartoon gets
us laughing-hey, if not, we'd
be in tears. Lil' Bush is now
in its second season and we
girls are in for a treat. The
first episode is titled "Lesbian
Freakfest." Though only two
lesbians appear-for about
one second-and they get
tricked into going to Mexico
(perhaps reversing the
Republicans' anti-immigration
stance), the 30-minute show
is light, comical and a muchneeded break from reality.
Heck, we can even chuckle at
Dick Cheney, who speaks in
grunts and loves to hurt others. And if no one turned you
on to this show last year, Lil'
Bush: Season One (comedycentral.com) is now on DVD.
- Colleen M. Lee
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Follow the Leader
proceeded to have a half joking, half,serious exchange
with Clinton about whether she's been treated more
The head of Canada'sGreen Party helpswave
America'srainbowflag.
harshly than Obama because she's a woman. The
exchange was a powerful pro, Hillary moment on live
Elizabeth May, the leader of Canada's Green Party, is unllinchingly
TV via America's lesbian next door. Ellen may not be
pro,gay. A left,leaning environmental activist turned savvy politician,
as powerful as Oprah, but the spot was on YouTube
within an hour of the event.
the United States,born May wants to make the party's environmental
Do you see an opportunity to reach out globally? For instance,
I notice the Green Party Is on Facebook.
she's not in a whole bunch of people. She's a strong
Absolutely, I'll be attending the Global Greens gathering in Sao Paulo,
Brazil, in the spring. Around the world, people are looking at
doing so hot:'
The National Organization for Women endorsed
Clinton back in January. HRC also endorsed Clinton,
who was the only one among all the presidential can,
didates to accept HRC's invitation to address the
organization's Equality Convention.
Clinton supporters point out that Barack Obama
did not attend the HRC event. He has not discussed
I'd be discouraged if it was the case that I was the only political leader who felt this strong commit,
being-to us-(gay rights are] not controversial. It is distressing that the issues are still discussed
as if they were controversial.
It does not bear the label "controversial:' It's our human right. It's respect for our sisters and
brothers and ftiends and neighbors.
did not even begin courting the LGBT vote until the
primaries in Texas and Ohio, when the race tightened
Our time has come. We have name recognition and the firm treatment of social justice, the willing,
between the two candidates
are
of the top Democratic candidates, you might not need
to know that Clinton got the endorsement of TheL
Word creator, Ilene Chaiken, or the surprise decision
~
ment. Clearly Mr. (Stephen] Harper's party (Conservative Party of Canada] has a history
of intolerance [and] homophobia. It is true that institutionally and through our whole
message and stop touring with him. He refused, citing
his need to 'embrace diversity:' What's more, Obama
numerous, powerful lesbian supporters like Billie
Jean King might just help elucidate the vast distinc,
tions that can be made. As lesbians debate the merits
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support?
What do you say to ecological activists who are or may one day be Green Party
and similarities
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encouraged.
the Federal Marriage Act and made LGBT issues a part
to a dead heat.
In a campaign where celebrity voices are being
heard on both sides, where it's Oprah versus Ellen
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environmental sustainability and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and transsexual rights.
We were the first party in Canada whose leader was openly gay. The document "Vision
Green" on our website discusses, in detail, these issues. I think CURVE readers will be very
gay rights. Do you feel like your party is marked as the "gay lobby" because of this
Many queers called for Obama to reject McClurkin's
co
"Green'' is rock,solid and embedded in principles of human rights, social justice, world peace,
with queer groups, spoken at queer venues, been vocal
in her repudiation of"Don't Ask, Don't Tell;' denounced
to "rid the world of the curse of homosexuality:'
:::,
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Do you see the Green Movement as connected to larger struggles for human rights
and gender equality?
You've been described as one of a handful of political leaders to unequivocally support
Grammy,winning gospel singer whose raison d'etre is
(.)
Canada and the growth of the Green Party here with real excitement, and they are very encouraged
that we will be winning seats in Parliament in the next election.
queer issues on the campaign trail while Clinton has met
of her campaign.
And, in October 2007 Obama teamed up with
Donnie McClurkin, the self,proclaimed "ex,gay"
~
Edith Stull
Hillary. I know her. And I know what she's like when
woman. And you know what? The men have had it.
They've had it all this time. And I don't think they're
(.)
agenda relevant to progressive communities at large. -
The beloved honorary queer Cher, who endorsed
Clinton on ABC's Nightline, said: "It's a no,brainer. It's
of Oprah's mentor (and an acknowledged bisexual)
Maya Angelou, to choose Clinton over Obama.
But, say these power dykes, knowing why they
support Clinton may help their fans understand the
candidate better. "I am convinced that Hillary Clinton
is the candidate best equipped to pass laws that will
treat all Americans with dignity, fairness and equality,
no matter who they are or who they love;' said one ally.
Of course, that was a dude: Rep. Barney Frank. ■
supporters?
ness to use market mechanisms to achieve Kyoto targets to reduce greenhouse gases. We are a
party that transcends the old political and ideological divides of the 19th and 20th centuries.
(Green pioneer] Petra Kelly said we are the "anti,party party:' Greens will always share the
power ... we won't hoard. In some ways it's easy to be discouraged because, globally, progress is
so slow on the critical issues of our time. Having a prime minister like Stephen Harper is-for
people who care about the future of the planet-as horribly compromising and distressing as it
was for people in the U.S. with George Bush as president. (But] change is coming.
You were born in Connecticut, and even as a child you were involved politically. How
did that time affect you?
My mom was very active in the movement against nuclear weapons testing. I participated as a
very young child in press conferences and meetings with my mother and then going down to
Washington (D.C.] to lobby for an end to NWT (Uranium Corporation]. My family was
very involved in the civil rights movement and anti,war movement. Petra Kelly, who founded
the German Greens, was one of my heroes. Petra had a formative period in the States as well,
and while I was working for Eugene McCarthy in '68 she was working for Bobby Kennedy.
The '60s were an incredibly important time. Recognizing that organizing, lobbying, demonstrating,
exerting people power, speaking truth to power-all slogans in the '60s-formed my political
consciousness. I knew very clearly that democracies hang by a thread-that
you must work
very hard to use the tools of a democracy effectively, and that you don't take anything
for granted. ■
May 2008
I51
I Want to Be Your President
Trustme, no one will do a better job. By Senator HillaryClinton
As I have traveled around the country these past
12 months, what I sensed in my heart has been
confirmed. America is embracing its LGBT sons
and daughters with an acceptance and understanding as never before.
On the campaign trail, a father of a gay son
will ask about ending "Don't Ask, Don't Tell:' A
woman will ask why she can be discriminated
against just because of who she is. Sometimes
they wait furtively for the crowd to thin and
then whisper their confidences in a soft voice,
and sometimes they stand up proudly at town
meetings and want me to share my views on
how I will help lead the change to assure that
this country fulfills its promise to everyone.
Let me tell you what I have been telling
voters across America. I am fully committed to
the fair and equal treatment of LGBT Americans.
For seven long years, the Bush Administration
has tried to divide us-only seeing people who
matter to them. It's been a government of the few,
by the few and for the few. And no community has
been more invisible to this administration than
the LGBT community.
I will change that. The best evidence of what I
will do as president is what I have already done.
• I am proud of my record as first lady, as a U.S.
senator and as a candidate for president in
working toward the fair and equal treatment of
LGBT Americans.
• I am proud that as chair of the Senate Democratic
Steering and Outreach Committee in 2006, I
worked closely with the LBGT community to
develop a smart strategy that defeated the Federal
Marriage Amendment. I am proud of fighting the
FMA as divisive wedge politics at its worst.
• I am proud to be a co-sponsor of the Employment
Non-Discrimination Act, the Matthew Shepard
Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention
Act and the Domestic Partnership Benefits and
Obligation Act, which would grant the same
benefits (including health insurance) to domestic
partners of federal employees that are currently
offered to employees' legal spouses.
• I am proud to have authored the Early Treatment
for HIV Act, which expands access to vital treatment options for low-income individuals living
with HIV, and fought to fully fund the Ryan
White CARE Act.
Candidate Couture
We've seen so many great T-shirts
this election season, including the
prescient "Hillary is my Homegirl,"
"Barack the Vote" and "Oprah for
President." So many tees, so little
time. Thankfully, the women-owned
company ForeAmerica.com offers a
great selection, including a gay fave:
"Clinton Obama 2008" (as well
as the three above and, for
die-hards, "Gore 2008").
A catalog company in the
'80s, ForeAmerica says it's
"for progressives, liberals
and others who want to see
America invest in healthcare
and education opportuni-
L
52
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ties [for] all, provide a safety net
for seniors and the disadvantaged,
rebuild our infrastructure, and clean
up the [environment]. We, like you,
are tired of needless wars and crony
capitalism. It's all about preserving
America's democracy through campaign reforms and fair elections, helping the least among us,
and making America's
founders proud. We hope
our products will help
change the world, one _
powerful idea at a time."
We can buy that.
- Diane
Anderson-Minshall
• I am proud that I hired a national director of
LGBT outreach within a month of announcing
my candidacy for president and to have openly
gay and lesbian staffers serving at all levels of my
campaign.
• I am proud to have a National LGBT Steering
Committee of over 130 that includes openly
LGBT elected officials, board members and opinion leaders on issues ranging from transgender
rights to HIV/ AIDS to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell:'
• I am proud to have marched in gay Pride
parades as both first lady and as senator and to
have spoken in front of so many LGBT audiences,
ranging from the Human Rights Campaign, the
Empire State Pride Agenda, the Hetrick Martin
Institute, PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays), GMHC (Gay Men's
Health Crisis) and the American Foundation for
AIDS Research.
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• I am proud to have fought Republican efforts to
demonize and marginalize the LGBT community,
and I will continue to do that as president.
We have so much work to do. When I am
president, we will work together to make sure
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Americadeservesa presidentwho appealsto the best
in each of us, not the worst;a presidentwho valuesand
respectsall Americansand treats all Americansequally,
no matter who they are or who they love.
that all Americans in committed relationships
have equal benefits and that nothing stands in
the way of loving couples who want to adopt children in need. We're going to expand our federal
hate crimes legislation and pass the Employment
Non-Discrimination Act and assure that they
are both fully inclusive of sexual orientation and
gender identity and expression. And finally, we
will put an end to the failed policy of"Dorit Ask,
Don't Tell:' Courage, honor, patriotism and sacrifice-the traits that define our men and women
in uniform-have
nothing to do with sexual
orientation.
My father was a conservative Republican, who
held very traditional views for much of his life. Yet
in his last years, it was a gay couple who lived next
door who provided much of the compassion and
comfort he and my mother needed as he grew ill.
And it was that same neighbor who held his hand
as he died. If my father can move,America can move.
To each and every LGBT American, I say this.
You have done so much to help this country understand your lives by simply being open and honest about who you are and living your lives with
dignity. Thank you for your courage. It is time that
we recognize your hard work. I know that this
country is ready for changes in the law that reflect
the evolution in our hearts.
America deserves a president who appeals to
the best in each of us, not the worst; a president
who values and respects all Americans and treats
all Americans equally, no matter who they are or
who they love. I want to be that president. I want
to be your president. ■
POLITICAL POLISH
You can show your independence another way this
electoral season with nail
polish that celebrates powerful women. Yes, you read
that right. OPI, the maker
of trendy nail polish that
doesn't include some of the
industry's dirty little secret
ingredients (namely dibutyl
phthalate and toluene) offers
up three of my favorite political polishes: Melon of Troy,
Catherine the Grape and
Kennebunk-port. Top that,
CoverGirl! -DAM
McCain Is My Only Man
Lesbiansneed a leader with real experience.By LynnePostel
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I'm a rare out lesbian this campaign year because in the face of two
Democratic candidates who are dividing almost the entire LGBT vote, I'm
voting for the other guy: John McCain. Before you call me a traitorous wretch
and lob verbal attacks about internalized homophobia, let me explain. I've
been a Republican since Ronald Reagan was in the Oval Office, though I
briefly fell off the wagon to support Clinton No. 1, which I regretted almost
instantly.
To hear former President Bill Clinton tell it today, he and Hillary
are the most gay-positive politicos out there. However, Clinton himself
signed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"-which has ousted thousands of queer service members since it was enacted in 1993-as well as the Defense of
Marriage Act.
John McCain supported it too, but he remained one of the few
Republicans to rally against a federal anti-gay marriage amendment, calling
it "antithetical in every way to the core philosophy of Republicans:' Like a
true Republican, he's repeatedly said that states should have the right to
define their own policies.
In an era when political leaders think they know best, Democrats want
to spoon-feed their policies to the people, paternalistically telling them
what to do and when to do it. Republicans want to let the people of each
community
decide
on their own mores.
Does that make some
rural areas hostile to queers? Yes, but the same principle of community selfgovernance lets Massachusetts adopt a same-sex marriage law.
I didn't remain caught up in a wave of Democratic fervor forever,
because the donkeys and elephants in the political arena live by very
different values around the most important issues of all: foreign policy and
economic security.
McCain supports fiscal conservancy (don't expect the kind of tax-andspend maneuvers you'll get from the Democrats), strong foreign relations
(he survived inprisonment in Hanoi, Hillary survived Monica Lewinsky)
and doing the right thing about the war in Iraq-supporting the Iraqi people
until their country is stabilized and they're safe-in the face of widespread
public disapproval.
Sure, I love the idea of having our first woman president or our first
African American president, but our country's future has to be based on
the fundamental issues of relevance, not on our emotional dreams. McCain
is right for the nation and he's right for lesbians-even if they don't care to
admit it. ■
May 2008 j 53
Talesfromthe Crib.
Whatyouget whenyoumixtwo tickingbiological
clocks.By ElizabethStark
nocent, romantic way that people who don't have babies can want
them. And when, after 12 years of friendship, we plunged into
family building together, we were both at or about that treacherous age of 35, which is when the medical establishment likes to
pretend that fertility drops off a cliff, eggs running, lemming-like,
after it. We heard horror stories, and I tried to get pregnant a few
times without success.
Then Angie tried once, and lo! she was pregnant. (She says it's
lucky she's a lesbian, or she'd probably have gotten knocked up in
high school and be living in a trailer somewhere with a passel of
kids; I say that I'm just that good at knocking her up.)
We didn't know how this should impact my own efforts to get
pregnant. It didn't seem as though I should just blithely keep trying, and so I skipped a cycle. It freaked me out. What if I waited
and then I never got pregnant? We spent an unfortunate amount
of time worrying about this issue. I was tormented by the situation, and, in turn, I tormented Angie.
And then she had a miscarriage. Having a miscarriage is a little
like being a lesbian. But less fun. You think it's not a big deal and
not very common before if happens to you; afterward, you learn
that it has huge emotional consequences and that a heck of a lot
of people share the experience. Miscarriage is a cultural secret.
It shook up our sense of being at the helm of this project. We
stopped debating how things should turn out because we realized
My sons are 7 months and 3 months old. The number one question strangers ask when I explain that my partner gave birth to
one and I gave birth to the other four months apart is: "Did you
ing pregnant didn't turn out to guarantee us a baby.
Then-well, months and months later-I got pregnant. This
mean to do that?" I'd always assumed that it was common knowledge that lesbians couldn't knock each other up by accident. If
time, we were tentative about the situation, but still ...if Angie kept
trying, there was always the chance, however slight, that we'd end
they could, I wouldn't have reached the advanced age of 37 years
up with two tiny babies very close in age. Whenever we talked to
old before acquiring not one but two newborns.
On the other hand, to say that we planned it this way might be
overstating the case. "It was a bit whimsical;' I usually murmur.
anyone about both of us trying to get pregnant-our
lawyer, our
doctor, my mother-everyone
told us the same story: "Did you
hear about the lesbian couple that both got pregnant at the exact
same time ...with twins? They went from zero to four all at once!"
"Did you use the same sperm?" one woman in a Trader Joe's
parking lot asked.
"We used the same donor;' I said.
The typical response here is the annoying exclamation, "Then
they are brothers!" I have yet to find a charming way to reply that
they are brothers because they have the same mothers, not because they-along with 10 other families' kids-have the same
donor.
"You are pioneers;' our mindfulness birthing coach told us before our second son was born. 'J\nd pioneers never have it easy:'
So what were we doing? Were we crazy? Driven by the relentless beating of two biological clocks to throw caution to the
winds, carpe diem, and let the chips fall where they may (to mix
metaphors the way banks spin sperm)? In a word, yes.
We'd each always wanted to have a baby, in the sweetly in-
54jcurve
that we had very little say in the matter. We agreed that we would
each continue to try to get pregnant, no matter what, because be-
When you don't have kids, you just kind of know that it's
hard. Hard work, hard hours, but mostly, it's hard to imagine just
what it entails.
Angie tried once more and didn't turn up with child. She
skipped a month or two-going against our rule that we should
keep trying, no matter what. We had a decision to make.
Oddly enough, after all the lists and sharing, the matter boiled
down to Angie's strong desire for a Leo (her own astrological
sign). She would have had a Leo if she hadn't miscarried, and if
she got p;egnant this upcoming cycle, she'd be due for a Leo again.
I don't really believe in astrology-though
I like any system for
talking about people and their behavior. But I do believe in listening, and giving serious weight, to whatever moves Angie.
We struck a deal: She'd try this one last time, and if she didn't
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get pregnant, we'd wait until our first baby was born to try again.
Which is how we came to be pregnant at the same time.
The main difference in our experiences was that nobody
knew that Angie was pregnant. This is not because she didn't
get big and all that. It was more about the clothes she wore-her
own oversized men's clothes-versus the hand-me-down maternity blouses and dresses I'd acquired and tried to wear with a
little contradictory, body-revealing flair. (In my opinion, femme
is about just these kinds of contradictions: fulfilling some norm
while trending against it at the same time.)
Then there was Angie's denial: It was easier for her to believe that I would make her a parent than that she would do it
herself, too. In late summer, just before she was due, a woman
approached her in a cafe and asked if she was expecting a baby.
"There's my baby;' Angie replied, pointing to our first son.
Maybe most folks assumed that she was just drinking a heck
of a lot of beer.
Actually there are advantages to being pregnant at the same
time as your parmer. No one has any brain power anymore, so
conversations-requiring
words, as they do-are necessarily
limited. Still, there's a telepathic bond that comes from sharing
the pauses in each other's sentences.
On the other hand, who should do the heavy lifting? Who
should hand out the bonbons and who should sit on the couch
nibbling and waiting for a foot massage? Like all good lesbians,
we took turns.
And like any butch and femme couple, we understood that
we each had our own way of being in the world, which surely included being pregnant. I went to prenatal yoga classes, practiced
hypnobirthing and had the baby at home. Angie asked the doctor about weightlifting during gestation, took private birthing
classes and elected to go to the hospital when the time came.
The lesbian baby boom announced to the world that being
gay didn't mean we couldn't become parents. But why stop there?
In a two-uterus relationship, much more is possible. I know of
other couples who are both trying to get pregnant at the same
time. And word on the street has it that the lesbian couple with
the double sets of twins is making it work.
Now we are in the throes of raising our two infants ( the first
a Taurus-named
Leo-and the second, two weeks overdue, a
Virgo), and we know that we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into-the good, the hard and the seriously messy.
If Irish twins are those siblings born 11 or 13 months apart,
ours are lesbian twins, or, as a friend called them, San Francisco
twins.
But when you think of it that way, as having twins, all the advantages to our approach come to light. After all, the increasingly
dated method of one person doing all the childbearing is based on
a strictly heterosexual model. Ask any woman who had twins the
old-fashioned way-one beleaguered pregnant body, one nursing
mom. We're just sharing the work 50-50. The old-school feminists who preceded our generation would be proud. ■
Heatherisn't the onlyonewith two mommies,as
you'lldiscoverwhilereadingthroughthe catalogfrom
TwoLivesPublishing{twolives.com).
Thecompany's
latestchildren'sstory,TheDifferentDragon,alsofeaturesa familywith two mothers:Go-MaandMomma.
Therichlyillustratedstorybeginsduringtheir son
Noah'sbedtimeritual.It's Go-Ma'sturn to get him
readyfor bed,andlike anygoodmom,shetells hima
goodnightstory.Togethertheyimaginea storythat includesNoah'scat,Diva,a boatrideanda dragon.The
fierce,fire-breathingdragondoesn'tnecessarily
want
to bea fire-breathingdragon,but Noahassureshim
that fierceis notthe onlywayof being:"Youcanbe
howeveryouwant,"hetells the now-tearfuldragon.
WrittenbyJenniferBryan,with strikingartwork
by Oanamarie
Hosler,TheDifferentDragonis a lovelyexample
of whatmakesTwoLivesPublishingunique.Withoutfocusing solelyon the issuesthat affectgayandlesbianparents,
TwoLivesbooksreflectreallife for thousandsof families."We
wantto depictkidsin normalsettings,"saysco-publisherSally
Lindsay,"withoutfocusingtoo muchon the big issues,without
bangingthemoverthe headwith it."
WhenLindsayandco-publisherBobbieComb_s
decidedto
combinetheiryearsof publishingexperience
to starttheir own
publishinghouse,theyfelt that this emphasison LGBTfamilies
wascritical,buttheywantedto addressit withoutusinga bullhornto blastthe message.
Theirfirst book,ABC:A FamilyAlphabet,waswrittenby
Combsandhasturnedoutto betheir bestseller,with more
than10,000copiessold.Parentsacrossthe UnitedStateshave
taughttheir childrenwith this book,a fact that alwayspleases
Lindsay."There'snothingbetterthanmeetingparentsat a
conference
andthemtellingyou,'My childlearnedtheABCs
fromyourbook!'"
Thebooksoldout of its initial print run,but will be reprinted
in the nearfuture.TwoLivesPublishingis alsogettingreadyto
releasetwo otherbooksin 2008-The LavenderNurseryBook
and TheCaseof the Vanishing
Valuable.
Formorethaneightyears,TwoLiveshasfocusedon
publishinganddistributingqualitybooksthat caterto the LGBT
community.LindsayandCombsstartedto distributewhenthey
foundthat otherpublisherswereproducingmaterialsthat were
valuableto familieseverywhere.
Nowtheyheraldthemselvesasthe "onlyclearinghouse
that
carriesbooksthat exclusivelyfocuson or featureLGBTfamilies,"
providinga centralsiteto purchasedozensof titles that fit the
niche.Thesite is one-stopshoppingfor LGBTchildren'sbooks.
CombsandLindsayarefulfillinga dream."It's a missionof
love,"Lindsayexplains.
Twolives haspartneredwith severalorganizations
over
theyears,anddonatesa portionof its profitsto familysupport
groups.Despitenothavinganychildren,LindsayandCombsare
determined
to fosterprideandlovein LGBTfamilies,through
accessto qualitybooksfor bothchildrenand parentsalike.
- TeresaCoates
May 2008
I55
Baby Butch
Pregnancybringsoutthistoughgirl'sfeminineside.ByAngiePowers
It's a queer thing, the pregnant butch. The first time I saw one, it
was like seeing Laura Bush at a Marriage Equality fundraiser-a
little creepy. Of course, when I decided to race my partner to
the finish line of pregnancy, I wasn't thinking of that butch, her
pregnancy or my discomfort with this mash-up of masculine and
feminine. For me, to be butch was to be masculine without giving up the feminine pronoun-but
without exactly embracing all
that it has to offer, either.
I have always understood my responsibilities as the butchopen doors, fix the computer, attempt to be stoic in the face of
illness and pain and wear a bra that adequately de-emphasizes
my breasts. Less "lift and separate" and more "compress and unify:'
I did my job well.
When I got pregnant, I promptly changed ... nothing.
Cognitive dissonance is a nice way of saying I just couldn't figure
out how to meld the mister in me with the experience of actually
having a Mr. in me. I did complain a little more, in an unbitchy
way, about the nausea and fatigue. But I also pretended that these
were symptoms of the rock star lifestyle I'd left behind years ago.
I continued carrying the
heaviest bags, the box
filled with our stroller,
two baskets of laundry
piled on top of each
other. Pregnant or not, I
was still the butch.
Then my 63-year-old
mother-in-law neutered
me after a shopping trip by shuffling out to our car to take the
heaviest bags away ftom me. "No, no, you shouldn't be carrying
anything; you're pregnant now;• she chided me.
As my pregnancy progressed; I changed; I was no longer the
person I had known myself to be. The stoicism I had tried to
effect (and not always successfully) washed completely out in a
sea of hormones. I was crying, not only at commercials, but at
infomercials as well, equally devastated by ads for the Christian
Children's Fund and Erik Estrada selling lots at Lake Shastina.
My ability to build, fix and install jumpies, bouncies and computers also left me. Nails thumped sideways in my grip and the growing belly seemed magnetically drawn to door frames.
I should back up to say that in the race to the plus sign, my
partner, Elizabeth, was actually the winner (see her article about
two pregnancies in one bedroom). In the fifth month of my pregnancy, she gave birth to our first boy, Leo. As her adoring butch,
I imagined I would offer a certain soothing presence during her
contractions. Instead, I sat outside the birthing tub (the water was
too hot for a pregnant body not in labor) and read off a cue card
from our birthing class. In my hormone-induced stupor, I couldn't
remember simple phrases like "Let the wave do the work'' or "Your
56
I curve
cervix is melting open:' OK, maybe I could remember that last
one, but prior to pregnancy, I could never force that phrase out of
my mouth, cue card or no.
For a while, I still had my masculine clothes, but those betrayed
me too. I held on to my too-baggy jeans, my T-shirts and sports
bras for months. But truthfully, it hurts to have your waistband
digging into your belly when there is someone else inside pushing
back. That's how I ended up at JCPenney in Santa Rosa, Calif.,
with my mother. My fast-eroding butchness made her giddy, and
as she swirled between the racks, I whimpered in the changing
stall, "Why aren't there any men's maternity clothes?" Then my
last pair of man-shorts wore through as we stood in line to pay
for the new clothes. I went home in capri pants, thinking the last
of my butchness had been tossed away. But there's nothing girly
about 24 hours of contractions, I realized during labor. Nothing
femme about getting an epidural injection in your spine or using
your arms to lift your numb, lifeless legs. But even I could not
deny the very femaleness of pushing another human being into
the world. Birth is a filthy, messy, gorgeous, aching, dark spectacle,
and in the moment when I finally believed that I could do it, that
my body was in fact doing it despite me, the rest of me realigned.
In the moment when Charlie emerged, birth became butch.
Now I am fixing things again and building a crib. And I'm
okay with all of it. I've learned how butch it can be to have boobs
that leak. In job interviews. At parties. It's a tough leak-you
know what I mean? ■
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KeepingYourCool
Findingthe lesbianinsidethe mom. By Myra LaVenue
My worst fear had come true: I'd lost my lesbian cool under the
kid's drool of motherhood. The first sign was my hairstylist telling
me it was time to "lose my mom hair:' And then there were the
daughter because of the child care, and she says it's how she
"recharges her lesbian core:'
facts that I was up by 7 :00 a.m. every day and I'd grown accustomed
Young parents Sacha and Alayna Luria brought me down to
earth with this reminder: "We're the different ones in most groups
to wearing the same sweat pants and T-shirt all weekend. The
of other parents and kids. We know we'll have to explain to our
final straw: realizing that the background music for every dinner
son why just about every book, playgroup and encounter mentions mommy and daddy, but not two mommies. But on the other
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hand, we don't experience the ingrained social roles of heterosexuals. That frees us to be present with our son and both take an equal
part in raising him. We've seen even the most progressive straight
couples fall into the model of the mom who does everything kidrelated and the dad who does hardly anything. Were lucky in that
we get to make our own roles and chart our own territory:'
My path toward answers also took my partner and me to
a line in front of our county courthouse on a cold morning in
February to register as legal domestic partners in Oregon. That
experience taught me that one of the most powerful ways I can
stay connected with the lesbian community is to be present for
our struggles and successes, even while we continue to grow as a
healthy, happy family.
As this journey for enlightenment ends, what advice did I
party we threw was the soundtrack of an Elmo movie.
gather to stay lesbian cool, hip and subversive? See below. ■
As my 43rd birthday approached, I decided I was going to
reclaim the edginess I once embodied. A few years of mothering doesn't erase years of marching in protests, dancing in lesbian
bars, coming out whenever and wherever I felt like it and keeping
up-to-date with dyke fashion. Or does it?
My first stop was my lesbian families group in OregonPLOP (Parenting/Pregnant Lesbians of Portland). I asked them
one key question: How did they find the "alternative" in their
alternative families? Was I alone in realizing how motherhood had
changed me or how my life had become more "average American
family raising a 3-year-old" than "kickass lesbian couple:'
My close friends, whose parenting skills I greatly admire, told
me one way they stay connected is by exchanging the "lesbian
look:' One of them added, "Just when you least expect it, some
young chick will ask you out, generally when you're sans the kids.
If it happens, don't go for it, but enjoy it. Remember that 'eye
contact' thing when you were younger? It's safe, and when you get
a response, you remember you're alive:'
One mother advised me to hang out with kid-free lesbian
friends, who are easier to schedule time with, and who keep
her connected to the hip scene. She adds, "I can live vicariously
through them as well, but at the end of the day, I still get to come
home to my wonderful wife and daughter:'
The more I asked, the more good tips I was offered. Leigh
Currie, formerly a big motorbike rider, suggested going to the
Michigan Womyn's Music Festival as a yearly ritual. It's where
she met her partner, where they continue to go with their young
May 2008
I57
Hannah,My Daughterand Me
Beinga lesbianmom is moremainstreamthan ever.By RachelPepper
When we sign up for lesbian motherhood, there's no way to know exactly
what the future will hold. We may have
idyllic images of the perfect pregnancy,
an easy birth or blissful evenings calmly
nursing the little one with our supportive partner sitting raptly by our side. But
those are fleeting images, and reality soon
starts setting in.
My future, present and past hit me
squarely in the face while I was out
last night with my 9-year-old daughter, Frances. We were at the sold-out,
limited-run, 3-D concert movie spectacle
of the Hannah Montana/ Miley Cyrus:
Best of Both Worlds Concert, surrounded
by hysterical young girls and their moms,
plastic glasses affixed to every face. As the
images of Miley Cyrus, the movie's freshfaced, 15-year-old star, swooped toward
us, winking and smiling and singing in
close-up digital 3-D, I found myself laughing crazily for a moment or two. Had lesbian motherhood come to thisf
As a matter of fact, it had.
When you are trying to get pregnant or considering your
birth choices as a dyke, your sexual orientation is a huge part of
your decision making. It informs every decision you-and your
partner, if you have one-make about how you can get pregnant.
This includes what sperm bank and/ or donor you will pick,
where and how you will give birth and a whole host of choices
and decisions that usually seem insurmountable in the beginning
of this process. It's hard to look beyond all this and get a glimpse
of what will follow. Strange moments of cultural assimilation via
the Disney Channel's pop music star du jour are the last thing on
your mind.
There have been incredible changes in this whole field since I
got pregnant in 1998. There have been amazing advances in the
"technology" of conception, including new ways to check your
fertility and effective new fertility drugs. There are pregnancy tests
that let you find out if you are pregnant within days of conceiving.
Sperm banks have their entire catalogue of donors online, with
pictures of the donor as a baby or a young man; audio downloads
of the donor talking are available; and up-to-the-minute supply
status for purchasing donor sperm is listed. And adoption and foster care agencies are getting used to working with LGBT parents.
The Internet has enabled women to connect in ways that
were unimaginable a few years ago. What comes to mind most
prominently has been the proliferation of queer family blogs.
Check out a few at the many links provided by Robin Reagler
58
Icurve
at her pioneering parenting blog, theothermother.typepad.com,
including "Two Mommies and a Meatball" and "The Lesbian
Mom Next Door:' Now we have access to people's real lives, and
guess what-our kids are real, our kids are cute and the revolution has been blogged. No more anonymous midnight postings
into the abyss of the World Wide Web-now we are members
of the family, witness to ultrasound photos, newborn baby pies,
first birthday celebrations and finger-painted masterpieces, hung
proudly in cyberspace for adoring parents to preen over. This is
true whether you yourself conceive, your partner does, your ex
did, you are foster parenting, you're adopting or you are just a
proud auntie. The immediacy of the medium also allows for comfort. Post a comment and very likely you will find that an ongoing correspondence will ensue-of special comfort to those still
trying to conceive-or TTC, in online lingo. There are also some
amazing videos on YouTube, providing 24-hour access to short
films and home videos of lesbian moms and their kids. I imagine
that soon there will be short "how to inseminate" videos popping
up on YouTube-much more handy than a reference in a book.
But for those seeking that more old-fashioned form of
researching, our literature is expanding as quickly as a pregnant
lesbian's waistline. Not only do we have the standard "how-to"
books, now we have "true-life" accounts of this crazy journey into
parenthood, as well as "specialty" books on the topic.
These include books available by co-mothers, single
mothers and even fedup mothers-check
out
The Other Mother, Knock
Yourself Up and the recently
published My Miserable,
Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy.
We also have some
powerful national organizations, such as the National
Center for Lesbian Rights
and the Family Equality
Council (formerly Family Pride), which work to support the
legal rights of LG BT-headed households and provide opportunities for education and connection. While not new, these groups
are now online and provide an expansive array of information to
LGBT families. And now our kids can participate too-they blog,
text message and belong to groups like Children of Lesbians and
Gays Everywhere (COLAGE). We are visible and connected.
Through having children, and in such increasing numbers, lesbians are much more connected to the wider world. We are usually
more connected to our families of origin (who often embrace
us once we have kids) and to our families of choice-including
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Twenty,six years ago, single women and lesbian couples didn't
have any reproductive clinics that would serve them. Sperm
banks were reserved for heterosexual couples unable to have
known donors, our kids' biological half,siblings and their moms,
blended families and all the "aunties" and "uncles" who help out along
children, and even for them the process was secretive and
the way. It is also becoming more rare that two women anywhere
shameful. Couples would choose donors who looked like the
father, and the truth about the donor insemination was often
in the country will find themselves the first lesbian couple to have a
hidden from the child.
child. That path has already been blazed in most places. We are no
longer surprised when lesbian celebrities such as Rosie O'Donnell
But all of that changed in 1982, when the Sperm Bank
of California opened its doors to all families. The nonprofit
and Iron Chejs Cat Cora come out as lesbian moms. Our friends will
organization, which started as a project for the Oakland
Feminist Women's Health Center, radically changed the
probably no longer ask-as some of mine did 10 years ago-why we
want to become moms. Lesbian motherhood is no longer a contro,
versial topic in the queer community. Nor will anyone be ostracized
if she gives birth-goddess forbid-to a male child.
So now we have more freedom to fit in, and raise our families
as we see fit. We join play groups, the PTA and the swim team. We
show that by planning our families and raising our kids with such
a high degree of love and thoughtfulness, they grow up well. We
continue to work quietly behind the scenes, reminding our schools
that inclusive reading lists are important, chat some families have
rules of donor programs-single
mothers and lesbian
couples were encouraged to participate, extensive donor in,
formation was provided and, most radically, donors could participate
in an Identity Release Program that allowed the child to contact the donor.
Alice Ruby, executive director of the Sperm Bank of California, says the
Identity Release Program is a groundbreaking service that allows for more
transparency and gives more information to all the parties involved in the
donor process.
kindergarten will not bring down the republic. In fact, they might
When a child turns 18, he or she is allowed to ask the agency for the
contact information. Ruby says that the reasons to contact the donor differ
from child to child. "Most want to know about themselves. They're curious;'
just help save it.
Through all this, lesbians have learned the common language
she says. "Some want to know what kind of music he listens to, or if he has big
feet, or just what he's like:'
of motherhood that is shared by most women who are raising
As for the donor, the man can opt for the anonymous or the open
information program. "We pay the donor the same amount for the open and
donors, not daddies, and that little boys wearing nail polish to
children. Through pregnancy, birth, adoption, fostering, nursing,
playground visits and potty training, new bonds are forged, espe,
cially with the straight women we once imagined as the potential
enemy. Yes, the queer community is still home-but
it is not our
only home. In fact, if you pressed me, I'd have to admit that home
to me is really where my kid is. We could be anywhere in the world,
with nothing left to our name. But if I have her by my side, and she
has me, we're going to be OK. This is perhaps motherhood's great,
est gift.Knowing there is a community to back us up if we need it is
a close second. Being able to take joy in life's unexpected offerings,
even if they are teenage pop stars, may be a close third.
So where does all this pontificating lead me? Back into the theater
with my kid and Hannah Montana. My 3,D glasses are on, Miley
Cyrus just winked at me, my foot's tapping along to the song"Rock
Star;' and I'm feeling pretty good about my life. It's a blast of popu,
lar culture, yes, one that I might not have imagined myself fitting
into when I was peeing on ovulation test sticks. Even when we do
get pregnant, we don't know what little person we will give birth to.
We keep them safe and guide them where we can, and often we find
closed services;' says Ruby. "We don't want to encourage the open program for
the wrong reasons:'
The reasons for men to participate in the open information program are as
varied as the men themselves. Ruby says most of the men simply believe that
their offspring have the right to know. Others, she says, "are curious just like
the kids, because they are part of creating a human being:'
The Identity Release Program was one of the services that attracted Tasha
and her partner to the Sperm Bank of California. "It's an amazing resource;'
says the 37 ,year,old mother of a child who was conceived through the clinic.
"Genetics (is] part of what makes us who we are, and the clinic recognizes that
genetic connections are really important:'
Tasha's son is only 2 years old, but she and her partner already talk to him
about his conception. "We say, 'We are your mommies and you also have a
donor daddy:" She knows that her son does not understand this information
yet, but believes being honest about the process is important.
Ruby says that most of the children have chosen to wait until they are
older. "Like many adopted children;' she says, "children of donors often seek
the donor's identity after college or when they are considering having children
ourselves in unexpected places. But what I can tell you is that for
me, the revolution in lesbian parenting happened nearly 10 years
ago, when I gave birth to an amazing baby girl. We've been together
on this journey ever since, and now she's a cute, sporty, 9,year,old
kid with a passion for Hannah Montana. And you'd better believe
of their own:' A 2005 study from the journal Human Reproduction confirms
Ruby's belief that the program is positive for children. The study found that
"the majority of the youths felt comfortable with their origins and planned to
obtain their donor's identity, although not necessarily at age 18:'
The study adds that most of the children were not looking for a father fig,
that like most moms-lesbian or not-I'd do everything I could to
get tickets to this sold,out show, sit next to her in this theater and
ure, but were simply curious about the donor. The Sperm Bank of California
is planning to conduct an outcome study of its own in the next few years.
-Kristin A. Smith
merrily sing along. ■
May 2008
I59
Welcometo the Houseof Fun
PinkPea fillsthe voidin programmingfor kidsof lesbianand gay
householdswithDottie'sMagic Pockets.By AimselL. Ponti
Tammy Stoner and her production company, Pink Pea, have
blazed a new trail in television programming for children with
Dottie's Magic Pockets. It's a live-action show whose target audience is young kids of lesbian and gay households, although I can't
imagine any kid not getting a supreme kick out of the enchanting
program. And it packs a terrific educational punch.
In its own words, Pink Pea is "an independent production
company dedicated to creating programming that represents the
fabulous diversity of nontraditional families:' Stoner says that she
didn't need to look any further than her own home to come up
with the premise of the show."When we were in early development
of Pink Pea, the production company for Dottie's Magic Pockets,
my ex-partner and I were looking at schools for our son, so that
transition process~me having been a stay-at-home mom-was
on my mind. At home, he and I had spent hours creating imaginary characters with sock puppets, some of whom inspired the
puppets you see in the show today:'
They've more than hit the mark with Dottie's Magic Pockets,
but not without fighting some uphill battles. "We started this as
an independent company in order to maintain creative control,
but the downside-and the most challenging aspect during this
launch period-has been reaching the kids without major distribution. But once we reach them, they love it, so that motivates us to
continue promoting and building relationships with LG BT centers
and other organizations to get the word out;' says Stoner.
Pink Pea has produced a hip and zippy show that overflows
with imagination, using a zany cast of live characters interspersed
with funky animation. I watched two episodes of it, "Doing the
Flower;' and "Beet Beat;' and both were blithe forays into Dottie's
world of fun and learning with a set that's an irresistible cross between Pee Wee's Playhouse and a.kaleidoscopic shopping spree at
Urban Outfitters.
Dottie conjures up a batch of friends, and we are introduced to
each one. James the Flower is a well-to-do French daisy, complete
with the appropriate accent and a cup of tea. Randal the Beaver
wears John Lennon-style glasses, and though he's sweetly nai:vehe
also appreciates a good hug. Motilda the Mouse is a real firecracker and a devoted friend to all. Wally
the Wall is always available to help
out, and he looks fantastic in his
purple fun fur. That leaves my favorite friend of Dottie's, Uncanny the
Singing Can. Everything she says
is done very operatically, and for a
little can confined to the mantle, her
presence is far-reaching.
In the center of it all is Dottie,
keenly portrayed by Jen Plante. "The
60
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character of Dottie herself was inspired by the wacky sensibility and abilities of the actress who plays Dottie;' explains Stoner.
Plante's Dottie is an effervescent woman who is both high-spirited and down-to-earth. (Oh, and as an added bonus to grown-up
viewers, Dottie's a hottie. )
Stoner is not just the CEO of Pink Pea; she also created the
concept, wrote the scripts, worked on the Claymation and wrote
many of the songs you'll hear on Dottie's Magic Pockets. She got
some help from Pink Pea's creative director Wayne DeSelle, director/ editor Andrea Maxwell and producer Kathleen Latlip.
Stoner is pleased with the feedback about the show. "[It's] incredible. Our biggest surprise was the fabulous reaction from mainstream, traditional families, whose support has equaled the nontraditional families in the LGBT community:' She's also thrilled
with how the kids, the most important viewers, have responded:
"The reaction from the children has been the most rewarding by
far. A little girl in Georgia turned to her mom after seeing Dottie's
Magic Pockets and said, 'That little boy has two mommies, just like
me!'When our producer, Kathleen Latlip, heard that, she cried.
It's also especially exciting to see the way all children-from both
traditional and nontraditional families-respond to Dottie's gentle wackiness. We really feel like we are helping to create a more
compassionate tomorrow for the children of today:' ■
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Knock Yourself Up
Louise Sloan goes from dating hell to baby heaven.
By Athena Douris
Mom Gifts
@
Curvemag.com
The MoBoleezBreastfeeding
Bonnetappeared
on her desk with a note from her editor asking
her to test it out. "Do you have a little one? Or
know someone who does?"
The answer to both was no, so she called
her mom. She showed it to her, and pointed
out the darling details-like how it says "Milky
Way" on the crown and how the underside of
the brim is printed with messages like "I love
you mom," and "I'm hungry." "Will it work?"
she asked. Lina Swislocki reports on what
her mom said.
Zoe Francesca's My Family,My
Joumey:A MemoryBookis the
perfect book for future adoptive moms. In the traditional
baby-book style, it also offers
blank pages for the story of how
the baby came to you, photos of
people who helped in the adoption process and photos of the baby's adoptive friends. Jenna V. Loceff tells us more.
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If you want to reverse the gift giving on
Mother's Day, get your daughter a present
she'll treasure for the rest of her life. Little
Riddel'sLittleReminders
are thinner, more
ethereal versions of Holly Riddel's adult rings:
hammered silver, lightly jeweled and "insideout" circlets.Young
women (and their
moms) pick out a
single significant letter to adorn the front
of the ring. Does she
want to be a lawyer?
Try an L. Do you want her to have respect for
herself? Pick an R. Riddel believes that the
stone fortifies the wearer. She says, "I want
the stone to touch your skin, to pass on its
unique energy." This is a gift that will remind
your daughter that "it's truly what's on the
inside that counts," as Riddel says. Heather
Gilligan reports.
Dating in your 30s and 40s must be fun for
some, but for me, it lacks the carefree joie
de vivre that characterized my gallivanting
20s. Kisses, sex, longing, first trips to the sex
store-been there, done that. Now, talk to me
about suckling infants, saying no to toddlers
and dealing with teenagers who shoplift and
I'm yours. I want a baby. Now. When I'm on a
first date, I'm thinking, "How soon can we get
pregnant:'" not, "Will the sex be good:'" Wrong,
I know, but the mad hammer of my bio clock
has made every other concern in my life just
an annoying buzz.
Enter Louise Sloan, a lesbian facing the
same scenario: single, nearing the end of her
fertile years and nary an appropriate part,
ner in sight. But instead of crossing her fin,
gers and booking two dinner dates per night,
like me, she chose an alternate route. Sloan
made a conscious, researched decision to ar,
tificially inseminate without a partner, or even
a girlfriend. In Knock YourselfUp: A Tell,All
Guide to Becominga Single Mom, she talks
about her experience, and speaks with doz,
ens of women, both lesbian and straight,
who chose kids now, dates later.
appealing now that there's a $50 babysit,
ting fee. Going out on a blind date-that's
potentially $50 for a dull evening, when I
could be spending that time with my son.
Nowadays, I'd say,"Would you like to go to
the zoo with me and my son:'" That weeds
out a lot.
You're openly lesbian in your book, but
you address a readership that is both gay
and straight. Is making this decision any
different for lesbians?
With the straight women I talked to, their
friends would start getting really negative.
It was like they were waiting for the knight
in shining armor, so if anyone stopped
waiting and made a decision like this, it was
[tantamount to) saying their own dreams
would never happen. This came up as an
issue in almost every meeting of straight
women [who were contemplating the
choice of single motherhood). It just wasn't
the same in the lesbian meetings.
Did you ever feel like you were giving
up on a dream-the
When I was in my 20s, I was in a long,term
partnership. I would hear about the trials
and tribulations of the single life, and I
would think, 'Tm glad I'm not the kind of
person who has to worry about that:' My
30s were a lesson in humility. My relation,
ships kept getting shorter and shorter-at
one point I joked that any day now I'd be
having sex in the park. I do remain hopeful,
but the older I've gotten, the more I feel I
don't know anything about relationships.
As a single woman what was it like
to make the decision to artificially
inseminate?
I really agonized. I spent a lot of time contem,
plating all the dreadful, painful things that
could happen to me as a result of doing
it this way. None of that occurred. I ex,
pected it to be much more of a bittersweet
experience, but really, it was pretty sweet.
Pregnancy was hard on me, particularly
when I was at home alone. I wanted some,
one to share it with. I expected those feel,
ings of sadness to last, but they went away.
dream of finding the
right woman and having a kid with her?
)
Read more from Louise Sloan and other moms
at curvemag.com.
When did the sadness go away?
When my son was born. I expected to feel sad,
ness about not sharing him with someone,
but I felt completely happy. And especially
after seeing friends negotiate the smallest
decisions in parenting, I felt some retie£
Tell me a bit about dating.
I had some opportunities to date during my
pregnancy, but I didn't, because I was
still heartbroken over an ex. As much as
I would love to have someone in my life,
going out looking for love is extremely un,
May 2008
I61
Out with My Son
How to deal with a differentkindof closet.By BerendeMotier
I stood there chatting with the woman and
Anyone would have a hard time
the question echoed in my brain, "Should I
competing with that.
out my son? Should I out my son?" I could
have been a brand new PFLAG mom meet,
even before he was diagnosed with
We alwaysknew he was different,
ing up with an old pal, my kid fresh out of
the closet, but instead I was a lesbian mom
wondering if I should out my son as "special
needs:'
was eligible for special ed, or that
We were standing in line at a cafe, wait,
ing for a much,anticipated, post,preschool
so many of his behaviors indicated
anxiety and a spot on the autism
cookie, which would do double duty as his
consolation prize for mandatory attendance
and a"well,done" prize for making it through
spectrum.
the day without hitting anyone. There was a
special needs category helps us. It is
I never thought I'd be so happy
to stick a label on our son, but the
herd of high school kids hogging the coffee
counter, getting a jolt of java before heading
back for fifth period, so my son and I were
stuck near the door, just behind a whirling
toddler and her patient mom. As the mom
than that "he has a big space bub,
ble;' which is what I told the mom
her own internal iPod, I gently pulled my
son against my legs and told him the girl was
in the line at the cafe when I moved
my son more than an arm's length
were an overprotective idiot, that maybe I should come out for
our son. Just as no one knows I'm a lesbian until I tell them, my
son's special needs
status is invisible. He
looks like a robust,
blond
6,year,old,
despite being only 4
(while I look like a
soccer mom with a
penchant for angry
political bumper stickers and red lipstick). I'm used to correcting
pronouns, and inserting "wife" and "partner;' and mentioning my
away from her twirling daughter,
blowing my opportunity to out him.
Friends' responses to the news that our son is in special ed
often focus on the negativity of labels: "Kids shouldn't be labeled
so early;' they say, or "You don't want to put too much investment
in that label:' Tuey reject this signpost like a mom whose daughter
announces she's fallen in love with her college roommate. "Don't
call yourself a lesbian, dear. You'll never be able to take it back:'
They forget that labels can be positive as well as practical. Just
as that co,ed gets empowerment and a sense of community from
calling herself a lesbian (along with a newly acquired cultural
history and a fresh dating pool, should it not work out with the
roommate), our son gets a more positive reaction with a label like
"autism spectrum" than he does with "difficult child:' He becomes
membership in the lesbian moms group as ways of defying het,
erosexual assumptions, but I'm not yet used to outing my son.
This is all new. He tested into special education this fall when
part of a community of children who think differently and there,
it became apparent that no normal preschool could hold him and
even an exceptional one we couldn't afford wouldn't take him. He
has been called "spirited;'"imaginative" and "aggressive;'though we
right to obsess endlessly about specific interests and not make eye
contact).
preferred labels like "the Timex kid-takes a licking and keeps on
ticking," and "Energizer Bunny:' We were proud of his physical
Gay lyricist Howard Ashman puts it best in a song for his Beauty
and the Beast score: As peasants head out with pitchforks, they
sing, "We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us:'
strength, his seeming unwillingness to be tamed by society-he
was a third child, after all, and embraced his difference from his
more self,disciplined siblings, who were dubbed "compliant" by
one friend with a spirited child, and described as "the best kids
ever" by babysitters.
Icurve
much easier to say to an outraged
parent, when your son has tried
to clock a child who has come too
close, that he's "special needs" rather
and I talked, and the girl spun, dancing to
'Just dancing:'
I realized then, as the mom glanced sideways at me as if I
62
a sensory processing disorder. But I
never thought he was so far down
on the social,skills scale that he
fore act differently (there is an Autism Pride Day, modeled on
Gay Pride, celebrating the uniqueness of autistic people and their
The problem with being different is that people don't like it.
Parents once thought prejudice would make their gay children
miserable, so they stomped on any emerging queer tendency.
Instead of facing social bigotry, those parents contributed to a
problematic circle that's fueled self,esteem problems in gays and
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lesbians for years and kept the liquor industry
happy. If your kid is different, he's different: Be
OK with that.
Being out about my son not only tells him I'm
proud of him the way he is (though a few coping skills
wouldn't hurt), it allows me to connect with other
parents, instead of being shunned by them. It's
not that I should launch into a speech on neurodiversity every time I hit the playground, it's just
that it was hard enough breaking into the mom
circle as a lesbian. A lesbian mom with an indefinably
difficult locomotive of a kid is a hard sell at any
playground.
Just like everyone knows someone who's gay,
everyone knows someone who is special needs.
Autism is ubiquitous in the news, popping out
of the woodwork just like we homos did a few
decades ago. Fifty years ago, a kid like ours
would have been taunted by peers, kept at home,
and maybe exorcised by well-meaning religious
parents who were sure that only demonic possession
could create someone who was confused by other
children, fought like a demon at the lightest touch
and couldn't make eye contact.
If the kid managed to reach an independent
adulthood, he became the weirdo down the
block who was "different:' The same is true of
that generation's gay or lesbian adolescents, who
were silenced, exorcised or institutionalized, who
became the weird lady down the block who "never
got married" and lived with a best friend to "share
expenses:'
Labels offer those 'J\ha!" moments that used
to happen on the playground decades ago when I
said, "He has two moms" about our oldest son. Say
the words "autism spectrum" these days and you
hear'J\ha" not"Oh no:' And I think a similar rule
of reciprocity applies: If you're OK with being gay,
mostly everyone else is, too-I'm betting the same
goes for special needs.
I don't want to think that it's just a phase, the
way some parents of gay children hope it will
go away, if it is truly part of who he is. Like the
PFLAG moms, I want to embrace him and make
it easier for him to navigate a world that won't always
understand, adapt to or enjoy his difference. The
next time we find ourselves in line behind a twirling 2-year-old, I'll know that the answer to the
question "Should I out my son:>"is yes. ■
May 2008
I63
hal ReJ Carpel
T WOULD BE an understatement to say that lesbian
literature has grown steadily in the past 30 years; exploded
might be a better word. And with this detonation has come
an increasing number of LGBT literary awards, conferenc,
es and festivals. This year, the queen of all queer lit events,
the Lambda Literary Awards (aka Lammies), celebrates its 20th
anniversary with an awards ceremony on May 29 at the Pacific
Design Center's SilverScreen Theatre in West Hollywood, and
organizers promise a star,studded event worthy of its glamourous
setting. Meanwhile, the sixth annual Saints and Sinners Literary
Festival happens May 8-11 in New Orleans' French Quarter and
the Golden Crown Literary Conference turns 5 with its annual
event (and its Goldie awards) July 31-Aug. 3 in Phoenix. So
many events for LGBT lit,lovers-but how did we get to where
we are now?
I
The Birth of Lesbian Fiction
In 1973, Naiad Press, the first small publisher oflesbian novels,
gave voice to a new breed oflesbian fiction writers."Naiad persisted
as the largest, most popular and successful lesbian press until well
into the 1990s, which is a tremendous accomplishment;' says Len
Barot, the president and publisher of Bold Strokes Books. "When
they first started publishing, they only did a few a year, but later
they put out lesbian books every single month. So that was an
enormous event for us:'
From there, other small publishers popped up, such as
Spinster's Ink Books in 1978, founded in upstate New York by
Maureen Brady and Judith McDaniel; it's still going strong, pub,
lishing out of Midway, Fla., and employing pioneering lesbian
writer Katherine V. Forrest as editorial supervisor. After Naiad's
founders retired in 2005, Bella Books took over its backlist and
gave many Naiad writers a new home. Today, well,established
64
Icurve
queer publishers like Alyson Books and Cleis Press still put out
some lesbian fiction titles as part of their larger mission, but Bold
Strokes Books stands as the largest lesbian publishing house.
Since its inception in 2004, the company has put out over 100
titles.
Our Red Carpet Events
In 1989, Washington, D.C.,based Lambda Rising Bookstore,
owned by Deacon MacCubbin, started the Lambda Literary
Awards. In 1996, the nonprofit Lambda Literary Foundation was
born. And as the LGBT awards program grew, so did the catego,
ries: "The first year there was an AIDS category, because there
was so much literature coming out about AIDS;' says Charles
Flowers, the current executive director of the Lambda Literary
Foundation. "But in a few years that category vanished:'
In 1988, the fiction awards were mostly divided into "gay
men" and "lesbian" categories. Today, the categories have blurred
significantly, signaling a cultural shift in the LGBT literary
scene. The "gay men" and "lesbian" categories have almost all been
replaced by categories designated simply as "men's" and "women's"
fiction because, oftentimes, it's difficult to categorize a novel. For
example, Felicia Luna Lemus' 2007 novel, Like Son, chronicles the
story of Frank, a transgender man living in New York City. But
because novels are judged by content, not by the sexual orienta,
tion of the writer- Lemus identifies as "queer;' not lesbian-Like
Son has been nominated for a Lammie in the "men's fiction" cat,
egory~lowers puts it nicely, saying, "The question that challenges
the judges every year is, what is lesbian fictiont
Down South in New Orleans, the Saints and Sinners
Festival celebrates its sixth anniversary-and the third year since
Hurricane Katrina ate everyone's salad. A festival that's more fo,
cused on connecting writers, publishers and editors, Saints and
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Lit-loving lesbians, get ready for the Lammies in L.A., the Goldies in Phoenix
and the Saints & Sinners in New Orleans. By Alicia Eler
Sinners presents a three-day-long agenda complete with master
classes and panels. This year, the grande dame of lesbian litera-
feature a lesbian protagonist. Without writers like Forrest, the
floodgates wouldn't have opened in the first place.
ture, Dorothy Allison, who wrote Trash, the first book to win a
Lammie in the lesbian fiction category back in 1989, as well as
The Futureof Lesbian Lit
Bastard Out of Carolina, one of the first lesbian books to be read
But as lesbian literature becomes broader, award categories expand
and lesbian-themed books become more mainstream-Alison
outside of the niche market, is just one of the featured speakers;
she's joined by Mark Doty, Jim Grimsley, Val McDermid, Tim
Bechdel's memoir, Fun Home, was named Time magazine's 2006
Miller and Michelle Tea, among others. Founder and festival or-
Book of the Year-Forrest
ganizer Paul Willis says that this year-not
literature. "I've been waiting impatiently for books about contemporary life &om the generation that those of my generation
the first year after
Katrina-has been the most difficult.
"There are less businesses in the area, so the arts organizations
are hitting them up;' he says. "It's more competitive and difficult
to keep things going than it was before ... but I think this year we
have the strongest lineup yet:'
The young and growing Golden Crown Literary Conference
focuses exclusively on lesbian literature, handing out the Goldie
awards. Akin to the Lammies but smaller and more under the
radar, the conference began after a conversation among a few liter-
is hopeful about the future of lesbian
fought to make better, and they're starting to emerge in strong
work &om such writers as Michelle Tea, Stacy D'Erasmo, Nina
Revoyr," she says.
If this trend continues, expect to see even more lesbian-
Scenes from the 2007
Lambda Awards (left to
right): Alison Bechdel (left)
and Kate Clinton; Ellis
Avery accepts the lesbian debut fiction award;
Clinton (left) and Teresa
DeCrescenzo, treasurer
of the Lambda Literary
Foundation board; author
Nancy Garden presenting the children's/young
adult awards; (from left)
Alison Bechdel, Christopher Rice, Clinton and
Katherine V. Forrest; Maria
Gallo accepting the LGBT
nonfiction award; Nicole
Kristal (left) and Mike
Szymanski accepting the
first bisexual Lammies
centric books hitting mainstream and niche markets, LGBT
award categories broadening and-hopefully-more
tivals, awards and conferences popping up. ■
literary fes-
ary lesbians, including executive director Kathy L. Smith.
"Many of the small lesbian presses were having a difficult time
GelYour TlckelsNow
getting the word out;' says Smith."We started the organization for
authors, publishers, fans, readers and bookstores as a place where
they could come together:' After an overwhelming response to the
Don't miss out on the literary love-tests. Here is all the information you need on when and where the excitement is
happening.
organization, the founders decided to hold an annual conference
and give out literary awards. As with the Lammies, the categories
for the Goldies 'chose themselves;' Smith says. "We only had a few
categories when we first started, like mystery, romance and maybe
sci-fi. But this year we have eight or nine award categories:•
Forrest will be this year's Golden Crown keynote speaker; her
contributions to the lesbian genre categories of romance, mystery
and science fiction are indispensable, and she's won numerous
Lammies. Forrest's Kate Delafield mystery series was the first to
• The Saints & Sinners Literary Festival, an alternative literary
festival, takes place May 8-11 in New Orleans. (sasfest.org}
• The Lambda Literary Awards, or Lammies, will be held May
29 at the SilverScreen Theatre at the Pacific Design Center in
West Hollywood. {lambdaliterary.org}
• The Golden Crown Literary Conference, which is home to
the Goldies, takes place July 31-Aug. 3, with the awards
ceremony on Aug. 2 at 8:30 p.m., at the Sheraton Wild Horse
Pass Resort in Phoenix. (gclscon.com} - Katie Kaapcke
May 2008
I65
D JOAN NESTLE
The co-founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives,
author and activist Joan Nestle, 68, is still putting it
out there. A tireless defender of civil rights around
the world, Nestle rebukes the powers that be on
her blog, Don't You Ever Stop Talking. Ironically,
this femme lesbian icon, who authored the famed
A FragileUnion,tells us,"When people see me and
Di (Dianne Otto, Nestle's partner] having dinner
or elsewhere in public, they think we are just two
nice old ladies:' Little do they know!
B
BARBARA HAMMER
With over 80 films to her credit, Barbara Hammer,
68, is the consummate chronicler of lesbian life
from the 19th through the 21st centuries. Her
films span genres-from lesbian humor and sexuality to explorations of homophobia to her search
for her ancestors in Ukraine. Hammer uses her
camera lens to filter our heritage-and hers-in
their endless manifestations. Nitrate Kisses, her
only wide-release film, still sets the standard for
lesbian filmmaking.
E
KATE CLINTON
Everyone knows funny woman Kate Clinton, 60,
as the ultimate lesbian comedian. But Clinton,
along with her partner, Urvashi Vaid, is also entrenched in the politics of lesbianism. Starting with
her first performance over 25 years ago, Clinton
has kept pace with lesbian and political life in the
United States. Her current show, Climate Change,
examines current events with a lesbian barometer.
However, Clinton says that ageism has caught up
with her and her colleagues. "I don't get as many
opportunities as I used to. People say they want
something new, different, fresh-which
really
means younger:'
El DEL MARTIN
Del Martin, 86, was married for four years and had
a daughter before she met Phyllis Lyon. While the
rest may be history, it's a history from which all lesbians can learn. Founding the Daughters of Bilitis
and writing one of the early and definitive books on
lesbianism, Lesbian/Woman (1972), were trans-
formative experiences for Martin. "Women still
tell me that the book literally saved their lives;' she
reports. She and Lyon were also the first same-sex
couple in the United States to be issued a marriage
license in San Francisco in 2004.
l3 MINNIE
BRUCE PRATT
In CrimeAgainstNature,poet Minnie Bruce Pratt,
61, gave a voice to lesbians who faced political persecution in the United States. Pratt (mbpratt.org)
lost custody of her two sons when her husband
used her lifestyle to declare her unfit as a parent. Her lesbianism was
deemed a "crime against
nature:• Through it all,
she remained in contact
with her two sons, and
today they have a thriving
relationship. Pratt says,
"We each speak our own
truth about how we are
living, what we are living
and living through. I call struggle my home:• The
femme-identified Pratt is consistently engaged in
dialogue, discussion and collaboration within the
queer community. Her partner, transgender activist
and writer Leslie Feinberg, is her current inspiration and has opened her eyes to new opportunities
for gender expression as well as oppression.
mKATE MILLETT
Kate Millett, 73, burst onto the political stage
when she published her doctoral dissertation,
Sexual Politics,and became a force in what was
then referred to by the media as Women's Lib-a
pejorative that defined feminism in the '60s and
'70s. With the success that book brought, Millett
purschased a farm in upstate New York and turned
it into a women's art colony that is still functioning over two decades later. Millett became a star
in a movement that was determined not to have
stars but was, at least in theory, built on a coalition
model. Millett also came out as a lesbian. A visual
artist, writer and activist, Millett lives and works in
both New York City and Poughkeepsie, N.Y.
D
PHYLLIS LYON
Phyllis Lyon is a dynamo at 83. Having lived with
her partner, Del Martin, in San Francisco for 55
years, she clearly remembers the 'clays of yore"
when being a lesbian was just about the worst
thing a woman could be. Even though she was an
independent woman and a working journalist in
the '40s and '50s, she says that coming out was a
very liberating experience, which allowed her to
bloom in every part of her life.
EJJOAN ELIZABETH BIREN
Many of the photos and films about lesbians that
have been shot in the 20th century are by Joan
Elizabeth Biren (JEB, a tomboyish moniker that
stuck). She has been catching dykes on film of one
sort or another since the beginning of second wavefeminism in the late '60s and the emergence of the
gay and lesbian civil rights movement of the early
'70s. Biren, 63, was an early radical feminist and
lesbian organizer, and a co-founder of the Furies,
a short-lived lesbian separatist organization. Even
though separatism may seem archaic to today's generation, she says it "existed as a solid and safe place
from which lesbians gathered the strength'' to fight
alongside straight feminists and gay men in the
overall movement for civil rights. While Biren finds
that we have made a lot of progress in the queer
community, she believes some people are moving
in the wrong direction by trying to gain access to
institutions "we used to want to dismantle;' such as
marriage and the military.
fl
CHERYL CLARKE
Cheryl Clarke, 60, first published her now classic
essay "Lesbianism: An Act of Resistance" in This
BridgeCalledMy Back:Writingsby RadicalWomen
of Colorin 1981. Coming out of the black power,
civil rights, anti-war, gay liberation and feminist
movements, Clarke wrote powerful prose poetry
and political essays. She is currently a member of
the graduate faculty of Rutgers University in the
Department of Women and Gender Studies and
is the director of the Office of Diverse Community
Affairs and Lesbian-Gay Concerns. Today, some of
her current students challenge the rigorous political notions that she set down on paper more than
two decades ago. "They come in with rebuttals to
the various labels and politics of identity they believe don't jibe with today's more fluid and flexible
gender and political expressions;' she says.
lmJJILL JOHNSTON
With "Lois Lane Is a Lesbian;' her March 4, 1971
diary entry for the Village Voice,dance critic Jill
Johnston, 79, solidified her place in lesbian history.
Her book, Lesbian Nation, is a collection of her
Voicecolumns that defined the lesbian landscape in
1970s New York City. Today, Johnston, along with
her partner, Ingrid Nyeboe (the two were married
in 1993 in Denmark), lives less like a revolutionary and more like a refined and genteel writer of
history and autobiography. Done with staged
public "happenings;' Johnston is approaching her
80s with rhe hope that younger lesbians will take
inspiration from her and other early radicals to create their own mechanisms for change. ■
May 2008
I67
Reviews Sapphic Screen
Small Screen Queens
Queer women of color are taking TV into their own hands.
I By Candace Moore
DATE NIGHT
TBSmayhaveDinner
anda Moviebutnow
we haveourowngaythemedNightat the
Moviesfromhere!network(heretv.com).
Each
Fridaynight,settlein for
the networkpremiereof
oneof here!'sgreatnew
titles.Thenewseries
beganin February
and
kickedoff withfilmssuch
asthe eroticmystery
Unconscious
andthe
scandalous
Margaret
Cho'sAssassins.
And
whatbetterwayto enjoy
theseintriguingmovies
thanwith a bowlof
popcorn?
If you'relike
usandwantto avoid
popcornlung(Google
it, it's real)thenyou'll
wantto try outthe 12cupNordicWareCorn
Popper($12,nordicware.
com).Justthrowsome
kernelsandoil intothis
microwaveable
bowland
voi/~perfect popcorn
that comesout light
andfluffy,withoutthe
potentiallyharmfulfumes
of artificialbutteror the
hassleof a stovetop.
Popcorn
anda gaymovie
ona Fridaynight.It's the
perfectdateat home.
- KatiePeoples
68
Icurve
White and straight characters are now the tokens as the
following shows focus on colorful queer lives and communi,
ties. Director Amber Sharp's engaging pilot Don't Go played
the film festival circuit last year, winning the Blue Flame Award
for Best Director at the Oakland Black LGBT film festival in
California. We're rooting fo~ it to get picked up as a cable series.
U Peopleand Playing Spades are serial webisodes available for
download at Jengo TV.com, an LGBT people of color media
network aimed at diversity.
Don't Go (A. Sharp Productions): The pilot episode
of director Amber Sharp's MelrosePlace for queer women of
color introduces us to buddies Jaden (Melange La Vonne) and
Bone (Sklyer Cooper) on a sunny day, two bois breaking a
sweat while working out in the sand in Long Beach County,
Calif. When Jaden gets uncommonly queasy, Bone teases Jaden
about her femme,y girlfriend Melody (Go Fish'sGuin Turner),
who is intersex, wondering aloud if Melody's been "sticking
it" and if she's shooting blanks (or perhaps not). Drama does
indeed unfold at the Los Angeles fourplex where lovers Jaden
and Melody are the landladies and the lives of their friends
and neighbors intersect and entangle around them. In the
first episode, a long,lost father is found, we're let in on a big
secret Bone has been keeping, the results of a pregnancy test
shake things up and new tenant Shanti (Nisha Ganatra) moves
into the complex, running away from her family, who want to
arrange her marriage. Light, funny, and true,to,life moments
elevate the soapy stuff. Despite carrying quite a few story lines,
this dramedy flies, perhaps due to its fresh characters. The
actors are obviously having fun in their roles and it shows.
(dontgotheseries.com)
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Walidah and Olive
Demetrius are a charming butch,femme couple who make
sweet, sweet art together. On Jengo TV, they let us into their
process, sharing their latest film project with viewers in this
free podcast documentary series. Fifteen,minute,long webi,
sodes take us behind,the,scenes to their apartment, where
they frame their ideas and flirt with each other and the cam,
era, and onto the streets, where their U Peoplecorrespondent,
Gloria Bigelow, chats with Brooklyn, N.Y., residents about
moments when they've felt (or been made to feel) "different,
other, or outside the box:' Believing that "mostly everybody's
America's misunderstood;' Walidah and Demetrius cultivate a
forum for a culturally diverse array of everyday people to tell
stories of feeling othered, in order to heal and be heard. They
also treat the camera to spins, dancing at Ubiquita, a New York
Queens of the Small Screencontinued on page 70
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sadnessandexplosiverediscoveryof life radiateon-screen
throughbrilliantpaintingsand
scrupulously
matchedsounds.
At timesdelightfullyunnerving,theseshortspromisean
enchanting
journeythrough
the surreal.Additionally,
the
DVDfeaturesa short,insightful
documentary
aboutPittand
all the workthat goesintoher
films.(firstrunfeatures.com)
-Kamala Puligandla
AndBabyMakesTwo(First
Run):Eachyear,thousands
of womengivebirthwithouta
manin theirlives.Whetherthey
arelesbianor straight,the processremainsthe same.Forthe
groupof womenprofiledin And
BabyMakesTwo,becoming
a
motherwasoftenthe resultof
yearsof effort.Thefilmmakersbeganfollowinga group
of eightwomenin NewYork
Cityin the late'90s,watching
Freeheld
(Lieutenant
Films): as eachquestioned
herown
Controversial
filmmakerCynthia reasonsfor wantinga child,
Wade'sAcademy
Award-winincludingwhetherhavinga
ningdocumentary,
Freeheld,
biologicalchildis criticallyimchroniclesDetective
Lieutenant portant.Foranysinglemother,
LaurelHester'sfightto have
theirups-and-downs
arefaherNewJerseypolicepension miliarastheystrugglethrough
thedifficultiesof beingsingle
workingmoms.Foranyonein
the decision-making
stageof
motherhood,
AndBabyMakes
Twopaintsa morecomplicated
imageof the process,onethat
canonlyhelpsortoutmyth
fromrealitywhenit comesto
parenthood.
(firstrunfeatures
.com)- Teresa
Coates
I Had to Have It
A woman in control of sex
is still a rarity.
TheOriginalLatinDivas
ofComedy(Payaso
Entertainment):
Fourfierce
Latinasshareonestageand
celebratewomenin this
completely
enjoyable
standupcomedy.SaraContreras,
SandraValls,MoniqueMarvez
andMarilynMartinezmake
upthe powerhouse
foursome.
Unfortunately,
theshortest
setcomesfrom
unabashed
lesbianSandraValls,
shownabove,who
uproariously
instructsmenon how
to pleasea woman.
Thebrazenwit of
the lateMarilyn
Martinez,
wholosta
battlewithcancera
yearaftertheshow's
taping,compensates
viewersfor Valls'
shortset.Sheandherfellow
divasmakethis DVDpleasing
for everyone.
WhenI wasn't
loudlyguffawing,I wasthoroughlyengagedin thesharp
storytelling
of thesesparkling
comedians.
(www.payaso.us)
-Aislinn Clevenger
I spenta yearstudyingat Xavier
University,
the country'sonlyAfrican
AmericanCatholicuniversity,
andamong
the manythingsI cameawaywith wasan
almostferociousloveof SpikeLeefilms.
DotheRightThingis still a breathtakingmasterpiece,
andI havenothing
butwarm,fuzzymemorieswheneverI
popin the DVDof SchoolDaze-a film
that reflecteda lot of myownuniversity
experiences
that year.ThoughLee'swork
is nolongeras marginalized
as it once
was(InsideManand25thHourwereboth
blockbuster
films),I'm still partialto his
earlywork.Myfave:a little 1986flick
calledShe'sGottaHaveIt, in whichNola
Darling,playedbythe cuteandslightly
butchyTracyCamillaJohns,is a sexually
adventurous
womanbeingcourtedby
threemenandonewoman.
Thelatter,Darling'sbest
lesbianfriend,Opal,is
playedby RayeDowell,
who,interestingly,
had
bit partson Law& Order
andLivingSinglebefore
turningto producing,
with 2003'sprotofeminist
classic,Virgin.She's
GottaHavelttook a lot
of criticism-a flick
aboutsexualpromiscuity just as HIV/AIDS
wasreallyhitting
wasboundto-but a lot of lesbiansof
colorviewedit as a funnyfeministfilm in
whicha womanis in controlof herown
sexuality(oneof thefew,still),a lesbian
getsscreentime,andmenareruefully
skeweredas rathercluelessto whatit
all means.(mgm.comldvd)
- Diane
Anderson-Minshall
May 2008
I69
Q+A
Kat Feller
Waiting 20 years to out yourself to former classmates
sounds like an absolute nightmare. How about waiting
all those years and having it be televised for anyone in
the United States to see? Welcome to Kat Feller's world.
Feller, who is a successful voice-over animation artist,
put a relationship on hold to join the cast of High School
Reunion, where she busts out, discusses her secret
crushes and decides that telling former friends you are
a lesbian can be positive, rewarding and a should-do
experience. - ColleenM. Lee
Why did you need to come out to your high
school classmates?
The reason I felt like I needed to come out to my classmates was because it's something I've been sitting on for
the last 20 years. Some people had probably found out about it by word of mouth, but I just
wanted to clarify the rumor myself, in person. To make it true and make it known-it is a fact
and not just a rumor, and that it's OK and I'm proud and I don't care.
You were a bit hesitant to tell the girls you were gay. Was that you reverting back to
being 16 and in high school?
When you're sitting in a room full of straight girls and everybody's talking about their marriages
and their accomplishments and what their husbands and boyfriends are doing, it's a little bit in
the back of your mind: "I really want these girls to accept me:' It's definitely nerve-wracking. Not
knowing how they're going to respond. Hoping they're going to respond in a certain way. I was
definitely nervous.
So do you feel as if you conquered your insecurities on the show?
I actually do think it has changed. I feel like now that I've gotten rid of this weight on my shoulders
I can go through life with, "OK, I've got the acceptance of my family, I've got the acceptance of
my peers. Now after 20 years, I finally have the acceptance of my classmates:'
Quite a burden to carry for 20 years.
Yeah, I know. It does make it a lot easier to know that you've got that weight off, and you can move
on and do your thing and be OK with it. Really, the bottom line for me, and this has been my
motto my whole life: As long as my parents accept me and love me, I truly don't really care about
society. But it is nice to know that people that you grew up with, your friends that trust you and
that you hung out with, accept you as well, because they were your family too then.
Queens of the Small Screen continued from page 68
City club, and other hotspots. U Peoplegets to the
political vis-a-vis the personal; the show offers viewers a close look at Walidah and Demetrius's lives,
highlights local cultures and showcases on-the-fly
interviews with passersby. All the segments feel
positive, relaxed and spontaneous. Walidah and
Demetrius also generously invite viewers to "holla
back" on their website and upload videos with
their own "U People stories." (jengotv.com)
Playing
Spades
(JengoTV):
Affairs,
jealousy, catfights, 3 a.m. phone calls and many
other "intimate details" are front and center in this
high-stakes game of lesbian love. Islande Evans
(Tonya Fore-Holston) is introduced by the
Internet serial's narrator as a "poised woman with
an aggressive stance" who "with a beer, puff and a
smile" can't help but play, but soon finds herself
"embroiled in a love triangle:' A powerful professional woman who has her shit together but still
likes to party, Islande lets passion rile her up in
her private life. We get to peek in at a player beset
by plenty of sexy female melodrama in this soap
opera with no stops. Well, there are four, technically, if you purchase the episode in five parts on
Jengo TV (your money helps facilitate more media
by LGBT people of color). The show is also on
DVD. You never know which hand will be dealt
next in PlayingSpades,a show based on the Girls
Around the Way novels by Deardria Nesbitt, but
whatever it is, it's bound to get steamy.(jengotv.com)
■
So ...did you flirt with any of the women on in the house?
Oh God! I did flirt with some of the girls in the house. All the girls in the house were really so sweet
and so beautiful, and they actually brought one of my high school crushes on.
Since we're on the subject of women, who would you date on TV?
Oh God, from a reality show? From The L Word, for sure. Remember Carmen? She's definitely
the epitome of my type of woman. She was beautiful and just carried herself well.. .and (was)
voluptuous and sexy.
I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that.
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Oh man, (can) you set me up with her?
z
[Laughs.] I'm flattered you think I have her number.
~
z
You can slip her number in a note. That's fine, I won't tell her. I've never seen a woman on a reality
show that's like, "OK, she'd be nice to take out on a date:' At least not that I can think of at the
moment. I think I like the Jennifer Garner type. The dark hair, dark-eyed, cute-girl face, long
hair, feminine. I like the feminine girls. I don't tend to go for the more butchier types, although
I can appreciate them. ■
70
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In the Stacks Reviews
Changing Tactics
These good reads highlight thinking outside the box. I By Rachel Pepper
Two new nonfiction books present important perspectives on
Using real case studies, Polikoff makes a strong case that
critical issues today-Nancy Polikoff reframes the gay marriage
debate and INCITE l's anthology Color of Violence presents in,
furthering the legal protections for all people, regardless of re,
novative strategies to end violence against women of color.
lationship status, will help the LGBT community more than
marriage itself. A harder path to imagine, perhaps, but a realis,
tic message that activists would do well to heed. (beacon.org)
Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage, Nancy D.
Polikoff (Beacon Press): Gay marriage is the topic of
many recently published books. While I understand the need
for the rights that institutions such as marriage can provide,
I've always felt that marriage itself is fundamentally flawed.
Why emulate something that feminists have challenged for
so many years in the name of LGBT progress:' Thus, I have
visualize the shaping of their collective vision into a compila,
wondered for some time
why LGBT writers haven't
tion such as this one. The group, which has chapters in many
U.S. cities as well as internationally, envisions ending racism,
challenged
the
notion that marriage is the
key to all partner and family
legal protections. By protect,
ing only "married" couples,
a two,tier system of rights
would develop within the
BEYOND
{STRAIGHT
AND GAY)
MARRIAGE
law Nancy Polikoff tries
to steer the argument in· a
NANCY D. POLIKOFF
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new direction. Her book
Beyond (Straight a·nd Gay)
Marriage: Valuing All Families under the Law is part of a se,
ries from Beacon Press edited by Michael Bronski and seeks
to address important intellectual questions facing the LGBT
movement. Polikoff's book comes just in time. She proposes
family law reform "that would recognize all families' worth:'
Most importantly, she writes, "Marriage as a family form is
not more important or valuable than other forms of family, so
the law should not give it more value:' Further, she advocates
for "solutions to the needs all families have for economic well,
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fighting patriarchal and gender oppression and promoting
social justice and liberation for all people. This book is a callee,
tion of essays that seeks to transcend the politics of inclusion "to
actually
address
the
concerns
of
women
of
color;'
including ending violence against women of color-both
systematic violence and
domestic
violence
in
families and communities.
As such, many essays deal
LGBT community. Hardly
a solution to inequality.
The esteemed professor of
z
first Color of Violence Conference, which took place in Santa
Cruz, Cali£ Organized by INCITE! for feminist women of
color, the conference gathered 2,000 activists, who began to
actually
w
0
Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology (South
End Press): The idea for this collection began in 2000 at the
being, legal recognition, emotional peace of mind and com,
munity respect:' Polikoff examines how the gay and anti,gay
rights movements have focused almost exclusively on mar,
riage as the central LGBT cause, to the detriment of the actual
LGBT movement. Indeed, she writes, "The focus on access to
specifically with variations
on this theme-includ,
ing Andrea J. Ritchie's
"Law Enforcement Violence
Against Women of Color;'
Rosa Linda Fregoso's "The
Complexities of Feminicide'
on the Border;' and "The
Medicalization of Domestic
Violence" by Ana Clarissa
Rojas Durazo. There are
essays on women in prison
and women in shelters, as well as an essay on how women of
color are affected by our heightened "national security:' In fact,
INTERN'S
PICK
TheGayUncle'sGuide
to Parenting,
Brett
Berk(ThreeRivers
Press):Areyouready
for a realisticapproach
to parenting?
In his
book,BrettBerk,M.S.
Ed.,navigates
through
parentingwith an
"outsideapproach,"
becausesometimes
parentslosetouchwith
theirownneeds.For
example,hesaysan
intervention
is needed
whenit's beena
decadesinceparents
havehada nightout
alone.In eachchapter,
Berkthoroughly
explainsimportant
lessons(garnered
from
hisexperiences
as an
educator,
hisfamilyand
his personalrelationships).Issuesrange
fromtoilettrainingto
talkson sexuality.Be
preparedfor some
straighttalk fromyour
newgayuncle.
(threeriverspress.
com)
- LibertyValez
every essay in this collection reveals another critical aspect of
being a woman of color in the United States today. Most are
written by academics, but some are by activists, and all include
women from a broad spectrum of racial and ethnic affiliations.
marriage may be constricting the imagination of advocates for
LGBT families who attribute every problem a same,sex couple
A piece by TransJustice highlights the importance of think,
ing beyond the gender binary to achieve equality. A poem "on
trying to love without fear;' by Maiana Minahal, provides a
experiences to marriage discrimination:' In fact, when Polikoff
examines countries (like Canada) where laws protecting
unmarried couples-straight
and gay-predated gay marriage
legislation, she shows that while marriage was a civil rights
victory, LGBT families there "were already fully recognized:'
reflective pause before the start of the book's endnotes.
Although the book is more academically inclined than one the
average reader might embrace, it is an excellent starting point
for understanding some of the issues today for women of color
actively working for social change. (incite,national.org) ■
May 2008 j 71
Q+A
PAGE TURNERS
Charlotte
Mendelson
The next big name in lesbian
literature is a curly-haired, 35-yearold Jew from Oxford, England, who
fellow lesbian author Sarah Waters
tells us is already "one of the most
accomplished novelists in the U.K:'
American readers are among the last
to discover Charlotte Mendelson,
but now we have our chance, thanks
to the U.S. print of her third novel,
When We Were Bad, a wickedly funny
tale of a dysfunctional Jewish family.
- LeeAnn Kriegh
What compels you to write about families that are falling apart?
Weve all had a family; were all the way we are because of them, even if
were reacting against them. And keeping secrets in a family-particularly,of course, if it's "I like ladies"-can be hell. So, as a novelist, they're
a fantastic theme: People under pressure-what could be better?
In three more words, why is the Rubin family in When We Were
Bad falling apart?
Sex and lies.
In three words, what's the secret to having a happy family?
Move far away.
Tell me about Frances, the elder daughter in your novel.
Oh, Frances ... ! love her. She's crushed by being the daughter of a
glamorous, successful, domineering woman; by being married to a
nice, dull man; by being married, full stop. And she doesn't have the
confidence, at first, to look beyond this. But, my dear, she will.
Did you need to do any research to portray the· drag king who
helps Frances explore her sexuality?
Sadly, no. Perhaps because my womanly exterior conceals a tomboyish
heart, I've always found androgyny sexy, and what could be more
thrilling than noticing a beautiful man, and then noticing breasts?
Before you wrote your first novel, did you think about how the
coming-out experience had been portrayed in other novels?
Not at all; I just sat down to write it, and what emerged was the story of
a girl, new to the big city, who spent a lot of time masturbating on the
sofa and thinking about her aunt.
Do you wish you could change your first book now, with the
added wisdom of the past few years?
Yes. I'd have a better plot woven in with the masturbation.
Do you remember the first fictional lesbian you came across?
So many of my favorites were probably lesbians who hadn't realized it
yet-Harriet
the Spy, what a dyke-but I can't remember the first
obvious one. I did have crushes on most of thirtysomething-does
that count? ■
72
Icurve
sharetheirinspirations,
the lessonsthey
learnedandthestory
of whatit hastaken
to createsomeof
the mostpopular
musicin theworld.
(dacapopress.com)
- Kamala
K.Puligandla
Unmarketable,
Anne
Elizabeth
Moore
(TheNewPress):
Long-timepunk
scenememberand
zinefounderAnne
Elizabeth
Moore
exploreswhathappens
to the underground
whenit becomes
just
anotherplatformfor
shillingproducts.She
takesa criticallook
at theadvertising
agenciesthatadopt
DIVmethodsto target
a youthaudienceand
the membersof the
underground
who
have"soldout" and
forwardedcorporate
marketingagendas.
(thenewpress.
com)
-Katie Peoples
In theNameof
theFather,Gerri
Hill(BellaBooks):
Detectives
Tori
HunterandSamantha
Kennedy
areback
in this murder
mysteryinvolvinga
Catholicpriestwho
is discovered
naked
andstrangled.
The
investigation
brings
to lightthesecretsof
this popularpriestand
revealsanunexpected
sexscandal.
(bellabooks.
com)
-KKP
accomplished
activists
showsuswhatwe
mighthavemissed
whenHurricane
Katrinafirst struck,
unapologetically
revealingthe race
andclassissues
at playduringthe
government's
initial
response
andlater
reconstruction
efforts.MandyCarter,
a self-described
"outsouthernblack
lesbiansocialjustice
activist"focusesher
piece,"Southerners
on NewGround"on
thestrugglesspecific
to the displaced
queercommunity.
It's an important
additionto anyqueer
poli-scilibrary.
(southendpress.
org)
- Catherine
Plato
O/,f£ff.1!t=
-iJill1111
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Christine en
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Harold(University
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lookat the historyof
advertising,
public
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space,corporate
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agendas
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co
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examines
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variousattempts
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influencethroughout
Press):Inthisvibrant
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Music Watch
Reviews
Spring Forward
I
Three great artists usher in change. By Margaret Coble
Spring is all about new beginnings, growth and change, and
this month's featured artists-all of whom are in the midst of
their own personal and musical evolutions-are the perfect
accompaniment to the season's sassy spirit.
Dreaming Of Revenge, Kaki King {Velour
Music): Moving further along in her growth from acoustic
instrumentalist to indie singer-songwriter, the out-lesbian guitar
virtuoso offers up her fourth full-length album, a mix of dreamy,
atmospheric instrumentals and sparse, folk-pop vocals. Fans
en
will recall that 2006's Until We Felt Red was the first time King
:J
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tar-based, instrumental discs that put her in the
()
uu5 pantheon of guitar greats like Michael Hedges
:::i
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and Preston Reed. Her intricate finger picking
ch
:J
and percussive, thumping style had wowed crit...J
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>- ics and live audiences alike, but Red's addition of
[fl
whispery vocals, electric guitars and drum loops
Ii:
:::i
0
got her more attention from the mainstream. In
()
the last two years, King has branched out into
6
z
g_ film scores and soundtracks-she was recently
nominated for a Golden Globe for her work on
~
the original score for the Sean Penn-directed Into
~
en the Wild-as well as collaborating with bands
5
g like the Foo Fighters and Tegan and Sara. The
i
latter's influence can be heard on the edgy "Pull Me Out Alive;'
while the more sedate break-up odes "Life Being What It Is" and
"2 O'Clock" recall the intimate, confessional indie pop of Mirah.
The balance of the album is filled with melodic soundscapes and
Electrelane-like shoegazers, each equally as compelling as any of
the vocal cuts. All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable listen that shows
King coming further into her own. (kakiking.com)
Break the Spell, Ellis (Rubberneck Records): One
of my favorite modern troubadours, Minneapolis-based lesbian singer-songwriter Ellis, is back with her sixth album of
impeccable, soul-searching and life-affirming acoustic folk-pop
compositions. Self-discovery is tricky lyrical territory, to be sure, but Ellis does it so
well-never once slipping into cheesiness,
and ever-so-openly taking us, the listeners,
along on her personal journey. The lead-off
single,"How Would It Be;' is an upbeat carpe
diem anthem challenging self-awareness and
profoundly asking "What if heaven and hell
was right nowt The hopeful title track continues with the theme of spiritual awakening and consciousness, while the poignant
"Words You Said" and "Before You Leave"
deal with the complexities oflosing someone
YouDo,FearMia:
A trulyeclecticmix
of bluegrass,
funk,
folk andacoustic
rock,FearMia
defies
categories
andcreates
a soundall its own.
Thebandformed
at the prestigious
California
Instituteof
theArtsandhasmade
a namefor itselfin Los
Angeles.Frontwoman
AbbyPosner'svoice
is throaty,heavyand
simplyintoxicating.
Withan instrumentlist
rangingfromelectric
bassto mandolin,
celloto violin,youknow
youarein storefor a
lively,cutting-edge
listen.Lyricsabout
love,relationships
and
heartache
aresincere
andrelatable.FearMia's
soundis fresh,addictiveanddestined
to haveaudiences
on
theirfeet.MixDave
Matthewswith a heavy
doseof AniDiFranco
andadda wholelot of
fun andthat'sFearMia
.
(fearmia.com)-Katie
Kaapcke
May 2008
I 73
iI
I
Janet Is Back
That's Miss Jackson if you're nasty. By Stephanie Schroeder
Having won nearly every existing music award several times over, Janet Jackson's sexually powerful
and confident on-stage presence speaks to women of all genders. At 42, Jackson seems to be on top
of the world. Even with reports about declining sales of her past two albums, she was 2007's the
most-searched person on the World Wide Web according to the Guinness World Records, she is still
the seventh richest woman in entertainment according to Forbes Magazine and she is still partnered
with Jermaine Dupri, a younger man and head of urban music at her new label Island/Def Jam
Records, which released Jackson's new album, Discipline in February. It's full of classic Janet, upbeat
dance tracks, lamenting love songs and erotically charged yet cryptically messaged featured tracks
"Feedback" and "Discipline:•
With a very small off-stage voice, Jackson, explaining the title of her new album, sounds not like
the sexy, sassy, powerful single-named Janet we see
onstage and in the media, but like a little girl, and indeed a little girl a bit lost in the midst of all the public
adoration and media scrutiny.
"There are different meanings of 'discipline; the
most important of which is the discipline and focus
of my youth, sending myself off to work;' she says.
[Jackson starred in, beginning in 1976, TheJacksons,
Good Times, A New Kind of Different Family, Dijf'rent
Strokes and finally came into her own on Fame.]
'i\t age 10 or 11, and not having my parents there
to manage me, I had to set my alarm myself to wake
up early, get myself ready and get to the studio all by
mysel£ Discipline is also;•Janet says in her tiny, almost inaudible voice, "about going into the studio
and recording and writing different melodies:•
--
Janet discusses touring and the process behind
it, the whole network of people and technology that
make up a tour and hold it together. "What everyone sees-the fashion, the order of the songs, the
choreography-I am involved in every aspect of that, which I think is unusual for a performer. Usually
singers are just told to stand here and move there and do this and do that. And the order of songs is
pre-arranged. For my shows, I carefully choose how and when I perform particular songs:•
She emphasizes it's not about capital C control (the title of her 1986 album from which six songs
hit Billboard's Hot 100 and five made it to the Top 5) but rather, she wants people to understand that
it's about her. "It's all me. It's coming from me directing and having input into every aspect of all my
shows. And I want people to know my music and my performances come from my heart:'
Jackson, who says that she's enjoying her 40s and her life with Dupri, also critiqued the way older
women's sexuality often flies under the radar."Women peak in our 40s and it's as if sex isn't supposed
to happen anymore as it did in our 20s;' she says. "If were at our peak, why not do it as long as it's
there to enjoy?"
Jackson says that her large lesbian and huge gay male fan base can "see how much [she loves) them''
and that she doesn't care about the lingering rumors she may be a lesbian or bisexual. "Those rumors
will always abound. It doesn't bother me;' Jackson says. Shes certainly special among queers, lesbian
and otherwise. In fact, Jackson received a special award from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Again~~
Defamation during its 19th Annual GLAAD Media Awards ceremony this spring for forging efforts
to create a more inclusive society.In the same vein,Jackson was awarded the Human Rights Campaign's
Humanitarian Award in 2005 for her charity work raising funds for HNI AIDS organizations. "I
have said lots of times that I think we all have a job to do on earth and my job is to help people;• she
says.'i\nd I haven't done enough by any means, but I am trying in every way I know how:• ■
74
Icurve
you love. The perky "Red Light" and "Hurricane"
are the catchiest cuts on the disc, already fan favorites due to their previous release on last year's fivetrack demo disc Ellis (available via her website).
The album closes with a reworked version of the
sweet "Twisted Roads;• which dates back to 1998,
and an elegant instrumental guitar piece, "Lake
Calhoun:' Not many artists can get away with this
level of introspection without being labeled "too
woo;' but Ellis is that rare performer who transcends all cliches and is pure light and love. If you
think your spirit needs some lifting-and even if
you don't-this album will do it. (ellis-music.com)
Just a Little Lovin', Shelby Lynne (Lost
Highway): Alabama-native Shelby Lynne is a
rarity in the music world, a true maverick who
crosses genres and audiences while always staying
true to hersel£ Though her early career took a stab
at the Nashville country"establishment-not
terribly successful, despite a 2001 Grammy for Best
New Artist-her recent work shows her carving
out her own roots-pop niche, and this latest set
might just be her big breakthrough. Nine out of
10 tracks on this sparse, jazzy, acoustic-soul album are covers of lesbian icon Dusty Springfield
classics. (The 10th song, "Pretend;' is an original ballad that fits in nicely with the rest of the
set.) It would be a risky endeavor for any lesser
artist to take on someone as revered and beloved
as Springfield, but Lynne really makes the songs
her own, while at the same time paying respect
to an artist with whom she shares much in common-not the least of which is her ambiguous
sexuality. (Speculation has run rampant over the
years, but in recent interviews, Lynne has basically
admitted to being, shall we say, less than straight,
with statements like,"Honey, I've done it all-I go
where the love is:') Lynne's husky Southern drawl
may not bear much resemblance to Springfield's
sophisticated, British, blue-eyed soulfulness, but
it fits these songs like a glove, particularly the
more country-rockin' "Breakfast in Bed" and
"Willie and Laura Mae Jones:• But even the more
intimate torch songs like "The Look of Love" and
"Just a Little Lovin'" are aptly wrapped in Lynne's
emotive twang, adding a level of vulnerability that
Dusty would surely approve of. Sublimely beautiful-I can't stop playing it. (shelbylynne.com) ■
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OTHER LICKS
it backto old-schoolstyle,this
ningsolodebutof 11 eclectic
two-discset of classicsoul
originals.(annastafford.
com)
anddiscofromthe legendary
husband-and-wife
duofeatures
manyout-of-printandpromoonly12-inchremixesfromtheir
'70s and'80s catalog,coupled
with ninenewremixesof
dance-floor
favoriteslike"Found
a Cure"and"BourgieBourgie."
(rhino.com)
Satisfied,
TaylorDayne
(Intention):
Aftera 10-year
recordinghiatus,the soulful divabelovedby gaymen
andlesbiansalikeis backand
soundingbetterthanever.This
is a solidpop-dancealbumwith
somesure-firehits,including
the lead-off"Beautiful"and
the morerockin'"I'm OverMy
Head."(taylordayne.com)
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Dee(DragCity):Soundinglike
RufusWainwrighton acid,the
Cleveland-born
performance
artist,singer/songwriter,
pianisVharpist
andtranslegend
deliversan arty,theatricalset
that'struly unclassifiable.
The
upbeatsingalong"TeethAre
the OnlyBonesThatShow"and
bawdy"BigTittyBeeGirl(from
DinoTown)"aretwo of the more
accessible,
fun cutsonthe 11trackdisc.(babydee.org)
11i, SupremeBeingsof
Leisure(Rykodisc):
"Sexy
musicfor sexypeople"Supreme
Beingsof Leisuresayontheir
MySpace
pageandI couldn't
agreemore.Spookysoundscapesmeetlopinglounge
beatsonthisthirdalbumfrom
theco-edLosAngeles-based
duoknownfor theirsophisticatedelectronic
pop.(sbleisure.com)
WatchtheSky,PattyLarkin
ONDVD
(Vanguard):
Theveteranrootsfolk singer-songwriter
goesDIY
OLIVIA NEWTON--JOHN
with a new12-cutalbumcompletelywritten,recordedand
producedon herown,resulting
in an emotionally
intimateand
technicallycreativemasterpiece
filledwith inventiveinstrumentation-as exemplified
bythe
string-filledtrip-hopper"Phone
Message."(patty!arkin.
com)
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StringMusic,AnnaStafford
(SanGabrielMusic):If the
conceptof rockviolinmusic
soundsinterestingto you,
Staffordis yourgirl. Bestknown
for herworkontheVitamin
RecordsStringQuartetTribute
series,whichpayshomagevia
stringquartetsto rockbandsas
diverseasAC/DC,
the Grateful
TheWarnerBros.Years:
Hits, DeadandLimpBizkit,the
Remixes
andRarities,
Ashford virtuosonowoffersthis stunandSimpson
(Rhino):
Taking
OliviaNewton-John
andthe
Sydney
Symphony
Orchestra:
Liveat theSydneyOpera
House(EMI):Released
with
the companion
10-trackOlivia's
LiveHitsCD,thistwo-hour
videoconcertbythe still-ashot-and-golden-piped-aseverinternational
superstar
showcases
27 of hercareerhits,
fromherearlycountryyears,
to worldwidesmashesfrom
Grease
andXanadu,
to '80s
farelike"Physical"andmore
recentnumberslike"CanI Trust
YourArms,"writtenwith her
daughter,
Chloe.(olivianewtonjohn.com)
- MC
May 2008
I 75
Reviews
Tech Girl
Toys for Your Inner Geek
I
For this Apple fan, the computer giant's expo was a dream come true. By Ondine Kilker
Dream job? I was "assigned" to go to Macworld, the Apple expo in San Francisco. That's like being "forced" to go
to Disneyworld when you're 8 years old, or like being"made" to go to Dinah Shore Weekend and report on who
caught your eye. My only real challenge was to decide which products to cover. So, of all the many fun things
Macworld had to offer, I've narrowed my reporting down to four products.
Thin Is In
The MacBook Air (MBA) was definitely the highlight of the show. The
adage that you can never be too thin finally does apply-and weighing in at a mere three pounds and less than an inch thick the MBA
defines sleek. But Steve and Co. clearly want folks to go Zen and embrace a nonphysical world, and the CD/DVD driveless MBA reinforces Apple's recent announcement that digital movie files can now be
rented and downloaded in minutes from iTunes. (Take that, Netflix.)
The MBA also has an ecofriendly, mercury-free LCD display with arsenic-free glass and a recyclable aluminium casing. On the downside, the
battery is not user-replaceable. ($1,800 and up, apple.com)
You Talk, It Types
With MacSpeech Dictate comma you can actually talk to your computer, period. New sentence. OK, so you have to speak the punctuation
marks as well, but it's still sweet. The ability to speak to your computer
helps not only those who need a third hand, or might have a mobility
impairment, but if you're into voice/ speech control for your operating
system, this software seamlessly switches between these two modes
with a simple spoken command. MacSpeech Dictate requires an Intelbased Macintosh, running Mac OS X version 10.4.11 or higher. ($200
and up, macspeech.com)
Your Personal Robo
So why is Drobo so great? It backs up your data and you don't have to
• think about it. You name it: music, movies, important files, emails, chats,
porn. It protects your data automatically, while displaying pretty colored
lights to let you know what's going on. But remember, when updating
your operating system, unplug all peripheral devices as it has a tendency
to write over their software. For the real techie rock star, there's the "addon" DroboShare that allows you to share files with other users, like your
girlfriend, wife or one-night stand. (Drobo, $500; DroboShare, $200,
drobo.com)
Style Sounds So Sweet
From top: The oh-so-sexy MacBook Air, MacSpeech
Dictate is your girl friday, Drobo will save your tax
returns and your porn, and cute and sexy Vestalife
Ladybug speakers
76
I
curve
The stylish and compact Vestalife Ladybug speaker dock for iPod
is the 21st century's insect offspring of an '80s boom box mating
with a Sony Walkman-cute
and tren4y, yet surprisingly powerful.
Besides having a universal dock and an AC recharger for your iPod, the
Ladybug features flip-out speaker "wings" and a subwoofer for superior
sound. Now you can take your earbuds out and get bustin' wherever you
are. ($110 and up, special edition $125,vesta-life.com) ■
EDITOR'S
PICK
Heavenly
Sword:
Youare Nariko,the
beautifulwarriorwho
mustusethe Heavenly
Swordto defeatKing
Bohan.ButNarikois
racingagainstthe
clock:Whoeveruses
the Heavenly
Sword
feelstheir life slowly
drainingaway.A compellingstory,cinematic
graphicsanda vast
arrayof weaponsand
combosmademestart
to droola little.This
hack'n' slashgame
for the Playstation
3
alsofeaturesa hint
of a lesbianrelationshipbetweenNariko
andthe deadlyarcher
Kai.Gottalovethose
homoerotic
undertones.(RatedM,$60,
heavenlysword.com)
- KatiePeoples
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I Tried It Reviews
It's Always Best to Be Prepared
Alas, there is a difference between a boi scout and a Boy Scout.
I recently agreed to go whitewater rafting with some friends and
fancied myself quite a good sport for being so amenable. Had I
known in advance that the weekend we chose for our outing was
the same two days that the rafting company was hosting a Boy
Scout Jamboree, perhaps I would have reconsidered.
The ubiquitous Boy Scouts posed no particular threat to my
fairly traditional-looking lesbian friends, none of whom are ever
mistaken for pubescent boys. I, on the other hand, am routinely
challenged by the truancy police for being out on the street
during school hours, even though I am well into my fourth decade of life.
As we unloaded our gear, grown men in scoutmaster
uniforms asked, on three separate occasions, where "my buddy"
was. However, when I looked perplexed and shrugged, they
quickly let the matter drop, so I assumed that would be the end
of the confusion.
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When we were boarding the buses for the take-off point,
where we were going to put our rafts into the water, I got herded away from
my friends and looked up to find myself surrounded by unfamiliar young
male faces. For a moment I thought I might have to pull out a breast or two
to convince the scoutmaster to let me off the bus, but instead I just looked
pained and said, "I gotta, um, go;' which he interpreted as the universal cry of
a child to whom nature is calling.
As I made my way back to my friends, it did occur to me that I should add
some kind of significant age or gender marker to my outfit that day. Perhaps a
huge pink bow in my hair, or a laminated copy of my driver's license around my
neck, would have been ideal. But this was never more than a passing thought,
I Kelli Dunham
as I was fixated on only two things-looking
as cool as possible in my ill-fitting wet suit
and not falling out of the raft.
I should have been more worried about
the latter than the former, because after being on the river less than 15 minutes, a large
wave hit my side of the raft. My desperate
grip and almost-cool look were not enough
to keep me from being jettisoned into the
water.
Within moments of my splashdown, a
scoutmaster had jumped into the water and
was swimming toward me. Thanks to my life
vest, I was bobbing easily in the water and
squinting to look for my friends. The scoutmaster, however, had clearly mistaken me for
one of his young charges and thought my life
was in immediate peril.
I don't know if you've ever been
saved when you're not actually drowning, but it's a fair amount of work for
both people. After a rather protracted
rescue, he got me into the raft.
What followed was a long awkward silence after he realized he hadn't
rescued a drowning Boy Scout, but
had annoyed an adult female. The Boy
Scout motto is "Be Prepared" but I have
a feeling nothing in his life had prepared
Mr. Helpypants for that moment.
I wasn't prepared for the next few
hours either, since I spent them in the
boat with the Boy Scouts, more than
100 yards away from my friends. When
the Boy Scouts thought I wasn't looking, they snuck glances at each other.
One mouthed, "Why does he have
boobs?" and pointed to my chest. One
particularly brave lad even reached over,
tapped my leg and asked, "What troop are you from?"
I answered, ''A drag troupe, OK?" but I don't think that cleared it up for
him at all.
Preoccupied as they were with me, the Boy Scouts were not paying
much attention to the commands of the guides and, because of our collective
inaction, our small raft flipped no fewer than seven times.
Three hours later, as we bailed desperately in hopes of emptying our raft
enough to float back to our ending point, one of the Cub Scouts wailed, "I
wish this were just a video game I was playing:'
I nodded and said, "Me too, little man, me too:• ■
May 2008
I
77
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Top Ten ReasonsWe Love NathalieGaulthier+ Hope Hall
Nathalie Gaulthier and Hope Hall get high all day.
Or at least a few times a week. The duo teaches
trapeze and other performance art at Le Studio,
Gaulthier's 4-year-old multipurpose space in
Santa Monica, Cali£ Beyond the aerials, the couple
is the epitome of fitness-Gaulthier is a lifelong
gymnast and trapeze artist, and Hall is a 10-time
lronman triathlete-and
it shows. Just take a
gander at them smooching in photographer Judy
Francesconi's 2008 lesbian calendar On the Lips for
visual, ahem, stimulation. - Kelsy Chauvin
1. Theyare swingers.As if their ripped bodies
and dynamic careers weren't enough, Gaulthier
and Hall, both 41, train together at Le Studio,
hanging from trapezes and literally swinging from
the rafters. Is there anything sexier than beautiful,
successful women in leotards proving that they're
more limber than a rubber band?
2. Theirlovetranscends
fiber optics.They took
a chance getting to know each other when they
met on curvemag.com in the summer of 2006.
But even though Gaulthier lived in Los Angeles
so I curve
and Hall in Reston, Va., they
braved the bicoastal relationship waters. After a month of
calls, texts and online chatter,
don't think they can't do it, and they can;• she says.
they finally met in person.
A few months and several
thousand frequent-flier miles
later, Hall found herself
7. Theycombine
muscles
andlipstick.If Gaulchier
whisked away by Gaulthier to
sunny California. Now they're
shacked up in Sherman Oaks,
living the lronman tagline:
'J\nything is possible."
Lives of Women.
Rumor even has it that Gaulthier and her gals may
show up on Oprah later this year.
and Hall aren't familiar to you as calendar girls,
you may be thinking of their appearance on the
"Lipstick Lesbians" episode of WE TV's Secret
8. Theypracticeflexibilityand balance.In 2001,
Gaulthier, a former journalist, threw in the towel
on her thriving talent agency to return full-time
to trapeze. Meanwhile, Hall, who remains a con3. They bridge the cultural struction manager by day, let Gaulthier add some
divide. Gaulthier grew up aerial aerobics to her die-hard triathlon training.
Gaulthier calls herself the flamboyant one, who's
speaking
French-Canadian
perfectly balanced by Hall's "voice of reason:•
and Inuit in the Northwest
Territories. Hall is a redwhice-and-blue Southern gal 9. Theyare trapezetrailblazers.
Considering the
born in Memphis. Tenn., and
physical strength necessary for a lot of flying
trapeze work, it's no wonder most aerial partnerships
raised in South Carolina.
are usually male-female. Bue who needs men when
Now they embody the symbolic handshake between the
Hall runs, bikes and swims seven days a week and
United Scates and Canada.
Gaulthier has practiced trapeze since childhood?
Their power and talent has earned them the hottest
Only, instead of a handshake
it's more of a two-handed
lesbian-trapeze-duo crown (if there is one).
upside-down grab from an
10. Theyare bothout and proud.Hall has been
aerial trapeze.
out since her teen years, but Gaulthier came out
4. Theyhavetheirowncover. only recently. Bue it made no difference to the kids
It didn't take long before the
and women of Le Studio, who embraced the blissiiber-fit couple was courted by Judy Francesconi
ful couple. Says Gaulthier, "Most people are just
for her steamy 2008 calendar. It took even less happy that we're happy:' ■
time for them to bare some skin for two separate
months and earn the cover.
5. Theyteachkidsat their"miniCirque."
In addition to being a 99-seat theater space, Le Studio is
home to "Kids in Act-ion" educational programs.
Gaulthier says chat learning the trapeze quickly
becomes a source of empowerment, inspiration
and exercise for aspiring aerialists ages 6 to 18.
Having taught the offspring of Rob Reiner, Sam
Raimi, Lainie Kazan and Police drummer Stewart
Copeland, among others, Gaulchier proclaims her
studio co be the firsc"rnini Cirque" (as in du Soleil)
in Los Angeles-and packs them in just as well.
6. Their high ambitionsbecomelofty achievements. Gaulthier recently opened Le Studio's
aerial programs to women, who have flocked in
for the chance to burn calories and boost selfesteem. Ladies of all shapes and sizes are now
regulars there, startingjust four feet off the ground
and graduating to trapezes 30 feet up. "They often
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