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Description
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ToC Rock-a-bye Baby (p30); Cover: Aubrey O'Day Speaks Out by Rachel Shatto (p32); Velvet Counterculture (p37); She's Got the Look by Alicia Eler (p41); Queer Life in the Middle East by Ceri Rhodes and Juliet Blalock (p52); Lesbian Outreach in South Asia by Kristin V. Brown and Mandy Van Deven (p54); Finding Family in Korea (p42); Dykes in Thailand (p44); France the Religious Way (p48); We Heart Iceland's Blue Lagoon (p50); Cover Photo by Justin Hyte.
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issue
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7
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Date Issued
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September 2009
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol19_No7_September-2009_0CR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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5 Ways to Quit Smoking How to Survive Dating & Breakups
®
ING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
Global
Getaways
Iceland
France
Korea
Thailand
CURVEMAG.COM
09
7
25274 80539 6
SEPTEMBER 2009 VOLUME 19#7
Love what looks.
a little like you.
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Stylish. Sassy. And the right size for every adventure. The Subaru Forester has what
you love, including curve hugging Symmetrical All-Wheel Drive and a powerful SUBARU
BOXER®engine. No wonder Forester was named Motor Trend's 2009 Sport/Utility of
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the Year. It's as individual as you are. Love. It's what makes a Subaru, a Subaru.
s. Dealer sets actual price. 2009 Forester 2.5X with Premium Package pictured above has an MSRP of $22,495.
FRANKLY
SPEAKING
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
SEPTEMBER
2009
J
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 19 NUMBER 7
Publisher and Founder Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Diane Anderson-Minshall
Managing Editor Katie Peoples
Assistant Editor Rachel Beebe
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Music Review Editor Margaret Coble
Web Editor Rachel Shatto
Contributing Editors Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
Editorial Assistants Ariel Messman-Rucker, Yana Tallon-Hicks
PUBLISHING
Oh, Aubrey!
When our editorial team first brought up Aubrey O'Day as a cover girl, I
have to admit I ran to Google, thinking, I'm either too old, too square or not
watching enough reality TV. (Technically, it's all three.) I had to ask mysel£
just who is Aubrey O'Day and why does she deserve to be on the cover of
curve?The latter wasn't an easy answer. We're still debating it, in fact, and we
want to get your take on it. After you read the article, log on to curvemag.com
and tell us if we made the right decision by voting in our online poll.
I'll tell you why we were intrigued. This buzz-worthy musician has
been an activist for marriage equality, gay rights and queer visibility. When
questioned on the red carpet about the "man" in her life, O'Day was quick to
challenge reporters for the heterosexist thinking. Is she gay? Is she bi? Is she
out to titillate and sell herself? That's your call, but we think her outspokenness (and her involvement in the No H8 campaign) proves she's more than
just a shameless self-promoter. She's a queer girl to watch.
This issue also features two very different sections on international issues:
our Global Getaways section and the Middle East and South Asia Insider
Guide. Global Getaways looks at four great travel destinations abroad. The
editors were drooling over the Thailand article, with all the great lesbian hotspots and even a lesbian-run elephant sanctuary. Could it really be that lesbofriendly? There are also travelogues from South Korea, France and Iceland.
In the Middle East and South Asia section, we have dispatches from India,
Pakistan, the United Arab Emirates and Egypt. What struck me about these
two sections was how geographically close together some of the countries
are (Thailand and Pakistan are closer together than New York and Los
Angeles, after all) and yet how seismically different their treatment of lesbians is. Thailand is rather welcoming and safe, while in other countries, like
the U.A.E., being gay is punishable by death.
Here in the United States we have a long way to go toward total equality,
but while we're fighting for marriage rights, women in some other countries
are fighting for their lives-literally. It's a reminder that the fight for LGBT
rights is long from over.
Advertising Sales Diana L Berry, Rivendell Media
Advertising Assistants Hannah Bolton, LaKeisha Hughes
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Photo Editor Hayley McMillen
Production Manager Ondine Kilker
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
Web Producer Nikki Woelk
Photo Assistants Piper Robbins, Kimberly Schumacher
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Kathy Beige, Kelsy Chauvin, Jennifer Corday, Lyndsey
D'Arcangelo, Beren deMotier, Michele Fisher, Tania Hammidi,
Jodi Helmer, Kathi lsserman, Gillian Kendall, Kate Lacey, Charlene
Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Candace Moore, Aefa Mulholland,
Alison Peters, Catherine Plato, Aimsel L. Ponti, Laurie K.
Schenden, Kristin A. Smith, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Robin
Miner-Swartz, Kyra Thomson, Jocelyn Voo, Alison Walkley,
Melany Walters-Beck
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Paul Michael Aguilar, Michelle Bart, Erica Beckman, Phil Cho,
Cheryl Craig, Tony Donaldson, Sophia Hantzes, Gabriela Hashun,
Janet Mayer, Maggie Parker, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van Stelten,
Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, CA 94103
Phone (415) 863-6538 Fax (415) 863-1609
Advertising Sales (415) 863-6538 ext. 15 or (212) 446-6700
Subscription Inquiries (818) 286-31 02
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 19 Issue 7 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc., 1550 Bryant St.,
Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian
(U.S. funds only) and $71.95 international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed
a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional
mailing offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any
manner, either whole or in part, without written permission from the publisher. Publication of
the name or photograph of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in
Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual orientation of that indMdual or group
unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and
artwork Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient
materials. Submissions cannot be returned unless a sett-addressed stamped envelope is
included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages. The contents do not necessarily
represent the opinions of the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly.
Subscription Inquiries: Pleasewrite to Curve, 1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510, San Francisco,
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2
Icurve
BEING AHEAD OF YOUR TIME IS NEVER EASY. That's why one of our core vaiues is to respect
all people and value their differences. That's being progressive. And as a company, we aim to live
up to our name. We were the first to do things like offer insurance online and the first to let you
compare rates just as easily. Because like you, we believe in change, especially when it's for the better.
See progress at progressive.com/glbt
PROGREIIIVE~
Progressive Casualty Ins. Co. and its affiliates, Mayfield Village, OH. 09P00116.D (04/09)
Features SEPTEMBER
2009
30
Rock-a-bye Baby
What's cuter than your baby? Your baby in
these punk meets rockabilly togs.
32
Aubrey O'Day Speaks Out
Ex-Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day strikes
out on her own and dishes on loving women.
By Rachel Shatto
37
Velvet Counterculture
Looking fi-erce! in New York's queer
underground.
41
She's Got the Look
Britain's Next Top Model's Lisa Fowler on
what's next for this budding lesbian
hottie. By Alicia Eler
52
Queer Life in the Middle East
One intrepid gal explores what life is like for
queers in the United Arab Emirates. Plus,
Egypt gets its first girl-on-girl film. By Geri
Rhodes and Juliet Blalack
54
Lesbian Outreach in South Asia
Indian LGBT rights activist Padma Govindan is
kicking butt and taking names in Chennai. And
Chay magazine is changing the conversation
in Pakistan. By Kristin \I. Brown and Mandy
Van Deven
42
44
48
50
GlobalGetaways
Finding Family in Korea
Looking for inexpensive getaways? Don't
miss the cultural offerings of South Korea.
Dykes in Thailand
Slip away to this queer-friendly paradise.
France the Religious Way
Searching for a miracle in Lourdes, France.
We Heart Iceland's Blue Lagoon
Heating things up in Reykjavik.
page20
page
23
(
survr,,e[)alinO&s
realWP"~
page26
ayst
"I haven'tfallenin lovewith the
personthat has taken my heart
and made me want to be a better
personeveryday. I couldbe happy
marryinga woman."
Aubrey O'Day >> page 32
Glo
et
page32
·1
COVER
PHOTO
BYJUSTINHYTE
41
curve
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iPhone and iPod touch are trademarks of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S.and other countries.
Departments SEPTEMBER
2009
A_.
IN EVERY ISSUE
2
10
11
14
16
17
20
28
29
64
Frankly Speaking
Letters
Contributors
2
<t
22
23
Out in Front
24
I Tried It
Top Ten Reasons We Love ...
26
Curvatures
We say adieu to Eve Sedgwick, reach
out to Middle America and tell you why
Obama's on our S-list.
CI
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:.:
>
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u.
Politics
~
Rediscovering our bodies, and our selves.
a
Dyke Drama
Breaking up is hard to do. But just do it!
-.
56
-
.
Music: Stephanie McKay, LaKisha Jones
and Teena Marie inject soul into our playlist.
58
60
12
Health: Five tips to kick the habit.
2
Cf!
2
~
~
Lipstick & Dipstick
AstroGrrl
Money: How to deal with student debt.
~
What a Lesbian Looks Like
Scene
"
__ • - -
62
Books: We get tingles from Fist of the
Spider Womanand Susan Smith's Put
Away Wet.
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Film: A VillageAffair and She Likes Girls4
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get kudos. Plus, Jenni Olson talks film.
::1
Tech: A rundown of the sites, biogs and lit
journals you should be reading on the web.
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Celebrity Gossip
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We never thought we'd see Michelle
Rodriguez 'round these parts again.
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COMING
UP
From the Editor
,,.
d
I was lucky enough
to be a finalist for
a Lambda Literary
Award this year
for my novel, Blind
Faith. Though I
knew I was heading
to the awards
ceremony in New
York City to lose
to another lesbian
author (I mean,
c'mon-competition
was fierce), I
still reveled in the whole whirlwind
experience, which included a
cross-country flight to Philly, a
drive down the Jersey Turnpike
to stay with our N.Y. contributing
~
editor Stephanie Schroeder in
It's awards season again-find out which queer
leaders have new statues on their mantlepieces.
super-queer Brooklyn, four hours
at the W New York-The Tuscany,
and then cocktail parties, awards
Solid Gold
~
A Lammy Virgin Tells All
2009 Lambda Literary Award-winning author Jenny Block writes about
taking home the gold for her tell-all memoir, Open: Love, Sex, and Ufe
(some curve contributors, like
Jenny Block, won!) and after-
in an Open Marriage.
parties (hanging with the lesbian
board members of the Lambda
~
Foundation). At the ceremony, I
Obama's top environmental advisor, Nancy Sutley, dishes on how green the
White House is-and why she's missing out on the D.C. lesbian dating scene.
was moved most by two pioneers:
Judy Grahn, the grand dame of
~
gay history, who got a standing
was not in attendance because of
a serious illness, but whose essay
may be the last thing I write." It
reminded me how fleeting time is,
and how precious and neccessary
our words are. I hope you enjoy
ours this month.
/JtU-i
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Editor in Chief
s curve
J
Global Getaways Go Further
Our intrepid travel writer, Jen Berkowitz,
takes you on the wonderfully lush road to
Cairns, Australia.
ovation, and Leslie Feinberg, who
was read. It begins with "This
Ecochick Politico
~
Queer Digs
Want to bed down in a beagle-shaped bedroom? Unusualhotelsoftheworld.com shows
you where to find this wacky guesthouse
and many more.
One is good. Two is better. Three is a party.
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LETTERS
ally accepted recommendations often
cians suggest that simple and nonresult in potentially adverse effects,
invasive tests like blood tests, EKGs,
including a higher probabilmammograms and DEXA
ity of false-positive results,
scans can be harmful. Quite
which subject patients to
simply, they can't. As nueven further testing, as well
merous studies have shown
Is Cheating Ever OK?
as increased psychological
in recent years, younger
stress. Please consider having
40% Seriously,is this
and younger women are at
beingdebated?
a medical professional screen
risk from breast cancer and
articles that contain medical
osteoporosis.Heart disease
29% No,butI'vestill
doneit
advice. Such measures would
remains the leading cause
promote the health and wellof death among women. The
Yes,if youhave
14% an
being of your readers.
only
way for us to maintain
openrelationship
-Cindy Schorzman, M.D.,
our bodies in a health care
if it's an "acci- system that is predicated
Sacramento, Calif.
6% Maybe
dent"(thingshappen)
much more on the bottom
Victoria A. Brownworth reNo,never,
line than on maintaining
5% no way!
sponds:As an investigativereoptimum health for every
porterfor 30 years, I have nevAmerican
is to be vigilant
if you'rein a
5% Yes,
er written a story that wasn't
and pro-active. I stand by
badrelationship
thoroughly researched. The
the piece. Women need to
Yes,always(as
1% they
data in my article was culled
know
their bodies and seek
sayall is fair.. .)
from interviews with numerphysicians who put their
poll
ous physicians and specialists Accordingto a curvemag.com
care-not allegedcoststo the
(including my own) as well as
healthcaresystem-first.
from studies and research on women's health
from the National Institutes of Health, the Corrections:
American Medical Association, the National The photographer for our July/ August colCancer Institute, the Centers for Disease umn This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Control and a host of other sourcestoo numer- (Vol. 19 #6] was Jill Peters, not Leslie Van
ous to mention. I always worry when physi- Stelten.
Poll
Love From Across the Pond
I have subscribed to curve for quite a few
years now, and it seems appropriate to pass
on to you my heartfelt thanks and congratulations for staying true to my experience of
dykedom. Unlike the British equivalent, you
have managed to speak with sincerity and
verve, educating and entertaining us with
heart. I get a sense of a real community spirit,
rarely in evidence over here, where one could
easily replace the leading lesbian magazine
with 10 other boring, all-style, no-substance
traditional women's magazines.
-Sue Robinson, Somerset, England
Getting the Guidelines Right
I am wntmg regarding Victoria A.
Brownworth's
article "Lesbian
Health
Through the Ages" (Vol. 19 #2]. I usually
very much enjoy your magazine; however,
speaking as a family physician who provides
medical care for college-age students, I am
very concerned about the misinformation in
this article. Ms. Brownworth did not cite any
sources for her 'guidelines" (always essential
in medicine, especially when promoting
guidelines that deviate from widely accepted
standards of care), and many of her recommendations are not endorsed by any major
medical organizations. As a physician, I often
have patients come in requesting that I order
various medical tests based on information
from the Internet and written publications.
These tests are often not indicated and,
indeed, may cause more harm than good.
Performing screening tests that exceed gener-
10
Icurve
And the Autographed
Indigo Girls Album Goes To ...
Congratulations to Tracee Fish, who snagged herself .
an autographed copy of the Indigo Girls' latest album,
Poseidon and the Bitter Bug! For over 20 years, these
out and proud musicians have been thrilling lesbian
audiences around the world. So it's no wonder that their
music has worked its way into all our memories. We asked you to
send in your fondest Indigo Girls memory for a chance to win. Tracee
wowed us with her letter, below. Happy listening, Tracee!
"WhenI first discoveredthe GirlsI was livingin HumboldtCountywith my girlfriend.Wedidn't
havemuchof anythingat the time,beingstarvingstudentsandhavingthreesmallchildren.
Oneeveningwe werewatchingAustinCityLimits.Theirguestswerethe IndigoGirls,Nancy
GriffithandMaryChapinCarpenter.
Fromthat dayon we becamedie-hardfansof all these
women,but the IndigoGirlssangto us of thingsthat we couldidentifywith. Thenmyyoungest,
Eli,startedto losehis speech.It is so crazynowthat no oneknewhe wasautistic.Theonly
timeshe wouldspeakwaswhenI heldhim andstrokedhis hair,andwhenI playedthe Indigo
Girls!Hewouldsingalong.Helovedthe "IndioGrils"-that's what he calledthem.Maybehe
lovedthembecauseI did andhe lovedme.Maybethe kid just hadgreattaste."
CONTRIBUTORS
Props to Our Peeps
Contributing writer Kathleen Bryson,
who wrote about the joys of traveling ;.:;
with her parents and siblings in "Korean
Family Vacation" (page 42), was born and -·
raised in Alaska. She is the author of Mush
(Diva Books) and Girl on a Stick (Suspect
Thoughts), which The Oregonian described
as "a cross between Tom Robbins and Francesca
Lia Block:' Her feature film directorial debut,
The Viva Voce Virus, was released in 2008. She
is in pre-production for her second feature film,
Spaceships Over Corvallis, which she has written and will be directing. She
was selected to attend the prestigious Berlinale Talent Campus 2009 at the
Berlin International Film Festival. Currently, Bryson lives in East London,
where she paints, writes, acts and directs. She digs Chagall, Moomintrolls,
chapchae, Bonobos, Neanderthals and Los Campesinos!-but
not gardens.
f ·
We pride ourselves on having top-notch contributors,
and this summer two of them showed, yet again,
that they've got what it takes. The Keystone Pro
chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists
(SPJ) awarded our political columnist Victoria A.
Brownworth first place for enterprise reporting
for "Hiding in Plain Sight," her four-part series on
homeless teens in Philadelphia, published in the
Philadelphia Gay News.
Brownworth spent over two months interviewing teens who live on the streets and talking to
"It's a common misconception that all personal trainers live like fitness nuns. Most
of us are just people who enjoy working out-and
bossing people around;'
says fitness trainer and editorial assistant HeatherRobinson.While Robinson
specializes in writing about health and
fitness, she also loves writing about gluttony and debauchery. She had a lovely time
at curve and especially enjoyed reviewing a whole stack of self-help booksshe thinks she's all the better for it. Robinson keeps busy training doctors and
scientists at UC San Francisco and writing "fit lit" at workouts£com. When
not writing or working out, Robinson amuses herself by painting things red,
daydreaming about her next latte and watching Gilmore Girls incessantly.
people who work with homeless youth throughout
the country. The series focused on LGBT teens
like Samantha, who identifies as bisexual and was
forced out of her home by her verbally and physically abusive mother. Samantha lives in a shelter,
where she shares a room with five other women who
harass her with homophobic comments and
behavior.
" 'Hiding in Plain Sight' was one of the most
compelling stories I have worked on in years," says
Brownworth. "Spending time on the streets, at
squats and in shelters with these homeless kids and
listening to their stories was an incredibly humbling
and moving experience. Working on this series
made me think anew about the dangerous power
of homophobia and how much damage it can do.
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-- "It's probably no coincidence that the first
Egyptian movie I understood without subtitles had a queer girl in it;' says contributing
writer JulietBlalackabout Bedoon Rekaba, an
Egyptian film she reviews in Egypt Uncensored
(page 53). Blalack is a San Francisco Bay Area
native fresh out of college, who put her journalism career on hold to learn Arabic, and then
put learning Arabic on hold to tour Cairo's
queer scene. After six months in Egypt, she
knows the slang word for a gay cruising area,
but can't read a newspaper. She is sad to admit
that Bedoon Rekaba is a feminist nightmare, but she says she still likes it
because, like the main character, she was once pulled into a Cairo bathroom
by an ultra-femme. Until she speaks like a native, Blalack will be in Cairo,
freelancing and watching way too many Egyptian movies.
It literally is taking away the lives of these kids. As a
community, we should be ashamed. As a nation, we
should be appalled. These are our children, after all.
I am very grateful the SPJ recognized the importance
of both this issue and the lives of these kids. In
honoring my work, they honor them."
Out in Front columnist Sheryl Kay is also celebrating a win. She was awarded a Tampa Dietetic
Association Media Award for her article "Grocery
Shopping 101," which appeared in Florida's St.
Petersburg Times. The piece follows nutritionist and
dietitian Batina Timmons, who teaches classes on
how to make healthy food-buying decisions, ignore
the marketing hype and understand the dizzying
ingredients lists on food labels.
September 2009 j 11
CURVATURES
In Memoriam: Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
With theorizing comes controversy-just
ask Charles Darwin. Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
was one of the most controversial academic
figures of the past 20 years. Her work was
pivotal to queer theory and gender studies.
Kosofsky Sedgwick died on April 12, 2009,
after battling recurrent breast cancer since
1991. She was 58.
After her breast cancer returned the first
time, in 1996, she detailed her experiences
in A Dialogue on Love. The book addressed
themes of sexuality that she'd discussed previously in her academic work, but this time she
gave readers a highly personal account of what
it meant to have a mastectomy, to face death
and to have an ongoing and seemingly incurable illness. She included dialogues she had
with a psychotherapist during that period.
The bulk of Kosofsky Sedgwick's work
was in the field of literary theory. A devotee of French theorists Michel Foucault and
Jacques Lacan, she was also greatly influenced
by the feminist theorist Judith Butler, as well
as by Sigmund Freud.
A heterosexual woman married since 1969
to Dr. Hal Sedgwick, a professor of visual
perception, Kosofsky Sedgwick was often
credited with having founded queer theory
and the academic discipline of queer studies.
121 curve
To Sedgwick, the only
way to truly understand
both men and women
is to understand what
it might mean to be
involved with them on
every conceivable levelas friends and as lovers.
That she was a straight woman was often
noted and frequently became a source of
both controversy and contention as she wrote
almost exclusively about queer sexuality.
Controversy aside, the impact of Kosofsky
Sedgwick's work cannot be understated.
Interestingly, while her husband dealt with
the literal aspects of perception and how our
eyes work, Kosofsky Sedgwick dealt with the
encoded perceptions inherent in literature
and philosophy and their interrelationship
with psychoanalysis and sociocultural norms.
She said her marriage to Sedgwick was never
one of convenience, but always one of mutual
respect and admiration.
In a paper she delivered to the Modern
Language Association in 1990, entitled "Jane
Austen and the Masturbating Girl;' Kosofsky
Sedgwick found her niche as a gender studies iconoclast. This groundbreaking essay
discusses the repressed and encoded-or not
encoded-sexuality of the women in Austen's
works, notably Sense and Sensibility.
The books that Kosofsky Sedgwick
produced after she began teaching in the
English department at Duke University in
1988 were equally important. During the
decade she taught at Duke her most important book, Epistemology of the Closet, was
universally perceived to have transformed
gender studies and queer theory.
She spent the last decade of her life teaching at the City University of New York.
While there, she published Touching Feeling:
Affect, Pedagogy, Performativity, a work that
focused on a link between queer theory and
the emotional basis for sexuality.
Throughout
her
career,
Kosofsky
Sedgwick focused on the concept of sexuality
as a fluid continuum, which she espoused in
her deconstructions of both literature and
philosophy. This assertion impacted literary
theory and criticism as a whole because it
presupposed that not all sexuality is heterosexual. To Kosofsky Sedgwick, the only way
to truly understand both men and women
is to understand what it might mean to be
involved with them on every conceivable
level-as friends and as lovers.
For example, as far back as 1983, Kosofsky
Sedgwick wrote about the central male characters in Charles Dickens' Our Mutual Friend
as having the most significant relationship in
the book, despite the fact that they compete
for the affection of the same woman.
Regardless of her own heterosexual
orientation, in her work Kosofsky Sedgwick
forced others to acknowledge, respect and
understand the importance of queer relationships and queer sexuality in the totality of
human experience.
Kosofsky Sedgwick is survived by
her husband, her mother, a sister and a
brother. [VictoriaA. Brownworth]
w. noh8campaig n. com www. noh8ca mpaig n. com www. noh8ca mpaig n. com www. noh8campai
Q
CAMPAIGN
N
H
8
Join Aubrey O'Day in the fight against hate and discrimination.
LET YOUR SILENCE BE HEARD
www.twitter.com/noh8campaign
CURVATURES
Performance
poet and author
Staceyann Chin
on marriage,
coming out and
motherhood.
cur~atures
______
Gold Is the New Rainbow
It's awards season again in lesboland and
women took home statues all over the map.
The GLAAD Media Awards celebrated its
20th anniversary with ceremonies in New
York, Los Angeles and San Francisco this
spring. In New York, Suze Orman took
home the Vito Russo Award as this year's
out media professional promoting LGBT
rights, while the San Francisco ceremony
honored Milk screenwriter Dustin Lance
Black. The L Word's Ilene Chaiken and cast
were gold-ified at the Los Angeles event. The
Publishing Triangle honored writers Andrea
Weiss, Elizabeth Bradfield and Alison
Bechdel for their lesbian nonfiction, poetry
f<( and LGBT fiction, respectively, in May.
Q. The Lamda Literary Foundation handed its
~ Pioneer Award to Stone Butch Blues author
Leslie Fienberg during its lit awards in
May. The Golden Crown Literary Society
announced its top lezzie literature finalists, including Nell Stark, Jennifer Jordan
and Ruth Perkinson, crowning the winners after press time. And, the OUTMusic
Awards will be back after a two-year hiatus
to appreciate today's top LGBT recording
artists; dates have yet to be announced.
Next month, on October 8, individuals
and organizations nominated for Out &
Equal's Outie Awards will find out who
will take the cake as beacons of leadership
in the promotion of workplace equality for
LGBT employees. Find out more about
who got the gold this year with curve's full
coverage of awards season on curvemag.com.
[YanaTallon-Hicks]
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Who's hot and who missed the target?
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howto
tapouta MorseCode
message
withyourhigh
heelsand111e
Wisdom
of
NancyDrewpromises
to solveallof
life'slittlemysteries.
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allowedto beDrew-bies?
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adisoGir1s'
equila"and"
itch?"vs.Pu
GloriaGayner-i
"HushHush"
ObamaLied
Won'trepeal"Don'tAsk,
Don'tTell" after all
RebelKnitting
Creepy
CuteCrochet,
KnittedIconsand
YamBombing(left)
makefiberartspunk
,_
the rundown
Were all sharing 140-character messages
about the cute girl we just saw on the
other side of the bookstore,
but Twitter can also be
used to mobilize. 3 Tweets
4 Katie,in honor of the
late legendary singer-songwriter KatieReider(left),
has harnessed Twitter in
what is expected to be
the world's largest T weetup ... Students
at the University
of Louisville,
LouisD.
Brandeis
Schoolof Lawused Twitter to
organize against SenateMinorityLeader
MitchMcConnell,
who, despite his anti-gay
voting record, was scheduled to speak at
the school's graduation. Angry students
wore buttons proclaiming"Senator
McConnell Does Not Speak for Me"...
Think twice before reaching for that
Pepsi,Pepsico has reportedly received
complaints from a traditional-values
group about the company's support of
LGBT charities, and the board has met
with Greg Quinlan, an "ex-gay"activist
from Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays
and Gays to discuss a resolution ...
Michigan's Affirmations
Pittmann-Puckett
Art
Galleryhas canceled
the opening of a
photo exhibit titled Femmes: Front and
Center, by local photographer Kristin
Kurzawabecause the photos do not meet
"PG-13, family friendly" standards ...
Mainemight be ringing with wedding
bells but not everyone is happy about it.
Bishop
RichardMalonefrom the Roman
Catholic Diocese of Portland called
same-sex marriage a "dangerous sociological experiment that I believe will have
negative consequences for society as a
whole:' Meanwhile, KatieRicks,"Pastor
Katie" from the Church of Reconciliation
in ChapelHill,N.C.,has been refused
ordination by the Presbyterian Church
U.S.A. because she is an out lesbian.
[SassafrasLowrey]
September 2009
I 15
CURVATURES
Middle American
Change-Makers
Michael Moore mocks it, gay rights activists fear it and religious conservatives control it-but no matter how you look at
it, Middle America is the battleground on which we're fighting for marriage equality. So, on May 30 over 3,000 LGBT
community members and their allies flocked to the conservative town of Fresno, Cali£, for the marriage rights rally Meet
in the Middle For Equality (MITM). Their goal was simple:
Raise awareness about the importance of supporting LGBT
equality in Middle America-type communities.
In preparation for the event Robin McGehee, a MITM
founder, and her crew of volunteers drove their trusty minivans to every corner of the state encouraging people to come
to the Fresno rally, timed for the weekend following the
California Supreme Court ruled on Proposition 8. The ballot
measure, which amended the state constitution to define
marriage as being between a man and a woman, was passed
by voters in the 2008 election, but was challenged by several lawsuits in the State Supreme Court.
MITM is an example of grassroots activism at its finest. "No one
has money or resources;' says Kate
Baldridge, a MITM organizing
volunteer, "But it's the manpower
that's making this movement. Were
just normal people, we all have fulltime jobs. We don't get paid for
this, we're just doing everything
we can on our backs:'
With protests raging in Los
Angeles and San Francisco, the MITM organizers were met
with the same question everywhere they campaigned: "Why
Fresnot Because, say the MITM organizers (meetinthemiddle4
equality.com), LGBT people should not have to flee their
hc,rnetowns to find equality."In Fresno, we felt like a gay ghetto
with no support;' Baldridge says. She vows that "never again
will places like Fresno be left out of this push for equality:'
And 110 community organizations agree. By joining
forces with human rights groups such as the United Farm
Workers and Planned Parenthood, MITM became about
equality for all.
"It's not just about marriage equality, it's about full rights
for everyone;' Cleve Jones said in his closing speech, using
Harvey Milk's famous megaphone. Jones encouraged the
MITM participants to join him later this year at the National
Equality March in Washington, D.C., on October 10 and 11.
He and the MITM organizers are campaigning for the D.C.
event (nationalequalitymarch.com), which they've dubbed
Meet in the Mall, where they'll demand federal recognition
of LGBT equality. [LaurenMarieFleming]
16lcurve
1 Shelly Bailes (left) and Ellen Pontac,
together 35 years, weep as they hear
California's decision to uphold Prop. 8 in
San Francisco 2 Prop. 8 protestor in San
Francisco 3 Kimberlee Bach (left) and
Angela Kurtz board a bus from Minneapolis
to Iowa to get married 4 Protest signs in
front of San Francisco's City Hall in May 5
Fay and Julianne King board a bus bound
for Iowa in May to wed 6 No on Prop. 8
march in Sacramento, Cali£, in March 7
Jovi Radtke speaks at No on Prop. 8 rally
in Sacramento 8 Protestors in Sacramento
(from left): Jovi Radtke, Katie Karadimos,
Kelly McAlister
OUTINFRONT
DemandingEguality
Real-world revolutionaries talk pride, identity and an end to discrimination. By Sheryl Kay
OurLawandOrder
There is never a dull moment for Jennifer
Bolton,
who is a criminal defense attorney, the
vice president of the Gay and Lesbian Center
of Southern Nevada, a judge pro tern and a
wife and mother of four.
Part of her commitment to justice was
cemented at age 5, when, in 1974, she was
the first girl in Orange County, Cali£, to
play Little League baseball. "I was 1
raised to be a warrior by parents,
who believed in equality;' she says.
Over the years, Bolton has
represented over 3,000 indigent
defendants in both Clark County
and the city of Las Vegas. And
at home, she and her wife have
fostered numerous children and
adopted two.
Bolton says that currently the
status of the LGBT community
could easily be compared to that
of African Americans during the
civil rights movement in the early
1960s. "We are on the precipice of
full equality;' she says.
She notes that the main issue
holding back LGBT civil rights is
the role of religion in government
and that the gay community must
do more to foster inclusion and understanding in churches. The first and most powerful
way to do that, she says, is to come out.
"I know it is easy to say and hard to do,
but it is easy for those who stand against us
to hate an idea like marriage equality;' says
Bolton. "It is much harder to hate a person.
If your neighbors, coworkers, friends, family recognize that they know and like a gay
person, then it is harder for them to want to
vote against you:'
~
~
Activistin theAcademy
Her mom told her she was born a revolutionary, conceived during a bombing of the
cl:
~ Cuban countryside nine months before the
~::::, triumph of the Cuban revolution.
cf
Now, JuanaMariaRodriguez
lives out her
<t
m
act1v1st roots as an associate professor in
gender and women's studies at UC Berkeley,
where she also collaborates with queer and
Latino campus groups, promotes queer and
ethnic studies to students and faculty members, speaks to high school students and
works with the administration on issues
of access and the equitable distribution of
resources.
"I always think of my work in the academy
as activist work;' says Rodriguez. "It doesn't
always mean organizing huge protests,
although sometimes it absolutely means
that. But activism is also about changing
how we use language in everyday life to challenge this crazy idea that there are only two
genders, or that there are political categories
of'us' and'them:"
For years, Rodriguez has examined issues
of identity, noting that sometimes labels like
"Latina;' or even "Mexican'' or "Puerto Rican;'
really don't shed any light on class, color, religion or language. Likewise, descriptions like
"queer;' or even "lesbian;' don't necessarily do
a good job of defining sexual identity.
"Part of the challenge is to understand
that we are not always talking about the
same thing when we use these terms;' she
says. "Identity doesn't always equal a shared
experience, or shared politics:'
Rodriguez suggests that rather than
organizing around identity, or what some
may think of as gay or lesbian issues, people
might try instead to organize around, "issues
that benefit all of us:'
LoveWomenin Uniform
Janet Beal was the first female
African American professional firefighter in the state of Washington,
as well as the first to reach the
rank of lieutenant, as she climbed
the ladder in this male-dominated
profession.
"I couldn't really discern that the
discrimination I experienced was
because I was African American;'
says Beal. "It was much more obvious and blatant that it was because I
was a woman:'
Some might assume that being
an out gay woman might have complicated the matter, but Beal says, "It
was presumed you were gay unless
proven otherwise. I felt sorry for the
straight women who were presumed
to be gay just because:'
But from whatever direction the heat
comes, Beal says she fights all those interpersonal fires the same way. "I deal with it like
anyone needs to deal with ignorant peoplebe direct, stand my ground, show them who
I am:'
Today, Beal is the lieutenant for Special
Events in the Seattle Fire Marshal's Office, in
charge of issuing permits for pyrotechnics, fairs,
festivals, concerts and trade shows. She's also
helped with minority recruiting, written guides
and training manuals for the department and
successfully competed at power lifting events.
The doors of opportunity are open to all,
she maintains. The key is to be self-assured.
"Don't stoop to their level, don't let your anger
show and fight their ignorance with your intelligence;' says Beal. ■
September 2009
I 17
LESBOFILE
The BrokenHeartsClub
Martina is single, Kelly is out and Michelle is having a fit-again.
By Jocelyn Voo
For her, coming out was "an ongoing process
from the time I was probably 12. I had a lot
of things happen that convinced me that
God was punishing me because I was gay:'
McGillis has had plenty of time to suss
out lesbian life, as the face (and name) of Key
West's hugely popular Annual Kelly McGillis
Classic International Women's &
Girl's Flag Football Championship.
Seems like McGillis is ready. Asked
whether she's interested in dating a man or a woman, she replied,
"Definitely a woman:'
Fashionistos
Aren'tChubby
Chasers
The Gossip frontwoman BethDittohas
been getting increasingly immersed in
the fashion world, first as the cover girl
for the inaugural issue of British style mag Love,
then designing her own collection for plus-size
ager's wedding, according to the New York line Evans. But it looks like not everyone in the
MartinaStillHasa WayWiththe Ladies
Usually a lesbian split involves a U-Haul and Post. At the bachelorette party, Rodriguez
fashion world is embracing the crossover.
a custody battle over the cats. But tennis star became outraged when the male stripper
On his blog, Hamish Bowles, European
MartinaNavratilova
has more on the line.
asked for a female volunteer at the begin- editor-at-large for Vogue, recalled Ditto's memThe New YorkPost reports that Navratilova's ning of his routine and made the chosen orable performance at a Fendi party at Paris
longtime lover, who split with the tennis girl get down on her knees. "That's bullshit;'
Fashion Week. Ditto, evidently,epitomized the
player last year, is threatening to release sor- Rodriguez reportedly yelled. "He should be fashion-music mashup: Dressed in a custom
did relationship details if Navratilova doesn't kneeling for her; this is a bachelorette parry:' Karl Lagerfeld getup, Ditto artfully stripped off
pony up for the eight years the pair spent Then, once the stripper started dancing her couture piece-by-piece as she performed. "I
and nuzzling his crotch in the bride's face, caught the midriff section, hurled into the auditogether.
"There are a lot of skeletons in Martina's
the actor yelled, "This is the kind of thing ence;' Bowles recalled.
closet. It is more like a storage facility full of that brings out the bisexual in me," before
However, that's where things went downthem, and I know them all;' ToniLaytontold storming off.
hill.''Having brought the house down with the
the Post. Layton, who'd left her husband for
spectacular 'Standing in the Way of Control;
Navratilova, claims she's owed more than the Sortof OldNews,butWe'reStillFixatedonIt
Beth decided to execute a celebratory stage
$200,000 she was originally offered for the The gossip pack has long speculated on Tom dive, a move that I can only describe as illtime she's spent nurturing the tennis legend.
Cruise's supposed straightness, but per- advised with a mosh pit comprising various
Gabriel Serrato, Navratilova's spokesman,
haps they should cake another look at Kelly supermodels and sundry fashionistos in aching
told the Post, "This is a private matter, so we McGilliswho played his girlfriend in the want of a square repast;' Bowles wrote. "In fact,
don't have a comment:' And we thought the classic flick Top Gun. McGillis announced to as far as I could determine, there was a parting
Lohan-Ronson
debacle warranted the phrase
curve contributor Jennifer Corday on her of the waves as the svelte and deeply panicked
"hell hath no furry like a lesbian scorned:'
She Wired.com series Girl Rock! not only hordes flung themselves out of the oncoming
chat she was single, but that she was defi- path of the potential weapon of mass destrucYeah,LikeSheNeededan Excuseto GoBi
nitely "done with the man thing:'
tion that is la Ditto, and there was something
'J\.lways a bridesmaid, never a bride" is how
"I need to move on in life. It's a part
closely resembling a resounding thud in place
the saying goes. But in MichelleRodriguez's of being true to yourself. Thar's been a of the expected slap of flesh on expectantly
case, maybe she shouldn't be a bridesmaid
challenge for me;' said the actrot, who also upraised palms:'
either. The Lost actor flipped out at her man- scarred in The Accused alongside JodieFoster.
Ouch. ■
1slcurve
She Said
ToQuotea Queeris packedfull of salaciousstatements
fromqueericons:politicians,artists,activists
andevenreligiousleaders.Herearesomeof thechoicestbits.
From To Quote a Queer, edited by John Lessard
©2007 Quirk Productions, Inc. Used with
permission from Quirk Books.
September 2009
I 19
ADVICE Lipstick & Dipstick
Try Communication,
Not Speculation
DearLipstickandDipstick:I've beenin a long- Whenshedoesspendtimewithme,shestares
distancerelationship
with a womanfor eight at hercomputer
or issleeping.
WhenI askif she
months.This is her first lesbianrelationship couldspenda few moments
with me,shetells
andshedoesn'tconsiderher orientation
to be mesheis tryingto relax.I feelas thoughwhen
we aren'ttogether,
justspend"in a category."It begancasually,and slowly we aretogether,
got moreserious.Becausewe livethreehours ingtimeinthesameroom.Is it wrongformeto
apart,we rarelysee each other.Thingswere want moretimewith her?Am I beingselfish?
goingwell until we had a big argumenttwo - Neglected
in NorthCarolina
monthsago.I thoughtwe'dworkedthingsout,
butthingsbeganto get weirdbetweenus.We Dipstick:Yes, you are being selfish. And you
haven'tbeenintimateemotionally
or physically should be. Since this workaholic doesn't
sincethen.The last time I visited,I acciden- have a clue, you've got to take matters into
tallyfoundcondoms
in thezipperpocketof her your own hands. Next time you're going to
purse.I panickedand didn'tsay anything.I'm see her, plan something romantic. Greet her
thinkingshewantsto be with men,but I want at the door with a glass of wine. Lead her to
to give her the benefitof the doubtbecause the couch, take her shoes off and rub her feet
theycouldbe old.Whatdoyouthink?- Am I while you ask her about her day. Light some
candles, lay out a sexy meal and stare into
Kissing
JessicaStein?
each other's eyes.
Lipstick:Eeert! [Screechof breaks and tires on
pavement.] What does 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 equal?
It's over, Jess.
Dipstick:Not so fast, Lip. This isn't a math
equation. It's more complicated. And condoms aren't the issue, Jess-the
fact that
you're afraid to talk to her about them is.
How you handle your arguments is a better
barometer of your relationship than whether
or not you have them at all. I don't know if
she's thinking of going back to men, but she
is thinking something. Perhaps she's figuring
out how to tell you it's over and wondering
why you haven't caught on. But, those condoms
could be for a guy or the hot new strap-on she
purchased and is dying to try out on you.
You'll never know unless you figure out a
way to talk about it. Long-distance relationships need to be founded on two things:
trust and communication. Sounds like you're
lacking in both, and now the groundwork
is crumbling.
Dear Lipstickand Dipstick:I've been in a
relationshipfor the last 11 months,and in
this time my girlfriendhasbrokenup with me
five times.We recentlygot backtogetherand
everything
wasamazinguntilshestartedworking moreand nothavingtimefor otherthings.
20
Icurve
Lipstick:Then throw her computer out the
window.
Dipstick:
Lipstick, resorting to property damage isn't going to help. You've got to give her
a reason to power down the computer and
power up the attention. Romance doesn't just
happen-you have to work at it.
Lipstick:
Romance actually does happen-but
both women have to show up each day. Dip,
while you've got some good ideas, my sense
is that it may be too late for this complacent,
non-confrontational absentee, who has long
since replaced sexing her girlfriend's cherry
with her slick new BlackBerry. Burying yourself in work is a coping mechanism for personal
unhappiness. I've done this myself and I've also
been like Neglected, the despondent woman
"I accidentalyfoundcondomsin her
pursezipper pocket. I panickedand
didn'tsay anything.I'm thinkingshe
wantsto be with men, but I want to give
her the benefitof the doubt because
they could be old. What do you think?"
writing in. These two need to get into therapy
immediately or it's just a matter of time before
one of them leaves the other for a coworker or
someone in her lesbian chat room.
Dear Lipstickand Dipstick:When I met the
womanwho is nowstalkingme,I wasveryill,
mywholeworldhadfallenapartandI wasvulnerable.WhenI let her knowI neededa friend,
sheendedup becoming
obsessed
with me and
tellingpeoplewe weredating.Shebecameeven
morepersistent
afterI toldherto backoff.I wish
I hadfileda restraining
orderagainstherwhen
the policesuggested
it. I've blockedher in everyotherway possible.
My friendshelpprotect
me and I try to ignoreher.Thishas beenvery
traumatic,but noneof her friendssupportme.
Theyknowshe'sweird,butnotto theextentthat
I do.- Scaredof theStalker
Lipstick:Dykes can be so cah-razy! Scaredy
Pants, have you tried changing your daily routine? Where you hang out, when you go to the
gym or the grocery storer Give that a whirl
and if she's still tailing you, then go back to the
police and protect yourself It sounds like she's
missing some nuts and bolts, and a stalker off
her rocker is never a good combination. Lulu
lezzies, listen up: Get your shit together and
stop terrorizing our stable sisters.
Dipstick:It's time you put this scary bunny
boiler behind you, and the best way to do that
is to not engage, at all-not with her or her
friends. Be dear with her that you're not interested in friendship anymore and cease all
contact. Then, like Lip said, go back to the
police and file that restraining order. Get in
touch with the National Center for Victims
of Crime (ncvc.org) for support resources in
your area and to set up a safety plan. Don't let
anyone convince you that this woman is just
weird or intense. She's disturbed and probably
a criminal, and you need to protect yourself
the first date"? She dragged you there, kicking and screaming, eh? And now you have no
respect for her because of it. No, you're not
too old for the dating game, just too judgmental. If you don't want to date someone
who puts out on the first date and asks you
to move in the next morning, then sweetly
kiss her on the cheek at the end of the evening and go home. Besides, her wanting to
start a family with you is probably a sign that
DearLipstickand Dipstick:Ona datingsite,I she wants more than just sex. But if this lady
recentlystartedemailinga 38-year-old
woman is not the one for you, there are millions of
with two youngsons.We met and somehow lesbians looking for love. Why throw in the
endedup in bedonthe firstdate.Thesexwas towel in after meetingjust oner ■
wonderful,
but I hadreservations
aboutsomeonewhojustseemedto wantto havea sexual
Want help with your problem?
relationship
and notspendanytime gettingto
Want to be on The Lipstick &
knowme. Withina coupleof weeksshe was
Dipstick Show? Drop a line to
alreadytalkingaboutmovingin togetherand
tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
beinga family.In the past,I've beenin several
long-termrelationships
(10yearsand12 years)
and maybeI'm just old-fashioned.
Is this the
"norm"in the lesbiancommunity
thesedays?
Is thiswhattheymeanby "rentingthe U-Haul
onthe thirddate"?WhenI told herthat things
ThismonthLipstick& Dipstickturnedto
were movingtoo fast, she felt rejectedand
youfor advice.Youreadtheiranswersfor
didn'tunderstand.
I cancelledmy membership
Throwingin theTowel-here'swhatsome
to the onlinedatingserviceandI'm wondering
of youhadto say:
if I'm tooold(46) forthedatinggameanymore?
Bonnie:
Don'tworryabout"whatlesbians
- Throwing
intheTowel
Holla Back
Lipstick:
Yes, this is what they mean about the
U-Haul, and no, you're not too old for 21st
century lesbian dating. You just have to arm
yourself with the proper equipment. Padlock?
Check. Night-vision goggles? Check. Blank
restraining order? Check. Is this really the
first time you've encountered this in the dyke
dating world? It's the lezzie MO, for better
or worse, and it's time to embrace it, because
c'est la pussy vie. Like you, Towel Thrower,
there are other women who don't behave this
way-we don't want to take the stereotypes
too seriously-but by the same token, this is
part of our culture. The trick is to find someone who wants what you want and moves like
you do. You just have to manifest her into
your life by visualizing her every day. Like my
grandma used to say: Blocks of wood should
not dictate to the carver.
Dipstick:Lip, what in the world are you talking about? That makes no sense. And, as for
you, TITT, "somehow we ended in bed on
aredoingthesedays,"but listento your
instinctsandif it feelsfast andweird...
stepbackin a bigway.If herfeelingsare
hurtbecauseyouwantto slowdown,talk
to heraboutall of yourconcerns,
andif she
respectsyou,she'llgiveyouspace.If she
doesn'tlike it, sheain't worthyourtime.
Von:I don'tthinkyouareold-fashioned
at
all!What'swrongwithtakingthingsslow
andgettingto knowoneanother?
Michele:If you'vehadthe romanticand
emotionalskillsto sustaintwo verylongtermrelationships,
thenI'm sureyou'vegot
whatit takesto find Ms.Right,insteadof
Ms.RightAway.
Urbancrawler:
I'm afraidThrowingInthe
Towelgaveoff the wrongsignalswhen
shedecidedto takethingsto the bedroom
on herfirst date.Sheclaimsto beoldfashioned,
butwhat'sso old-fashioned
aboutbeingsexualona first date?Make
yourselfandyourintentionsclearfromthe
beginning
... preferablybeforeyoudecideto
jumpintoanyone'sbed.
September 2009
J
21
ADVICE Money
StudentLoansDem stified
How to get the Man off your back and deal with your debt. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
like to pay [off] their
student loans as soon as
possible;' Aburto says,
"But, many times, that
is not the best solution:'
Consider making early
payments if the interest you are paying is not
tax-deductible, if you
can afford to pay them
off without dipping into
savings or if the interest rate on your student
loans is the highest of all
your loans.
A recent report by the U.S. Department of
Labor reveals that the average graduate walks
away from college with $22,500 in loans to
repay-a hefty price tag that comes with an
even higher stress level. The financial burden
is so crushing that some lesbians have even
had to resort to desperate measures to ease
the strain. With 70 percent of all American
students borrowing money to pay for their
college education, many women can relate to
that post-grad anxiety. But before you start
begging on the street, check out what financial planner Carrie Aburto has to say.
Consolidate
strategically:
Loan consolidation
combines multiple student loans into a single
loan. Though it can lower your monthly payment and interest rate, consolidating your
loans might mean it will take longer to pay
them off. Aburto says to consolidate if you
cannot afford your current monthly payment
or if it makes sense to lock your interst rate,
for instance, if you have a federal loan and
you know the rate is increasing. "However;'
she warns, "federal student loans should be
consolidated separately from private education loans, as the federal loans offer superior
benefits and lower interest rates:'
Look beforeyou leap: "Most people would
221
curve
set period of time, Aburto explains. Similarly,
a deferment is a temporary postponement of
payments, but it is granted based on a specific
condition that prevents you from repaying,
such as unemployment. Why choose one over
the other? "Interest continues to accrue on
your loan during forbearance, so a deferment
is usually the better option;' says Abruto.
"However, a forbearance is usually easier to
obtain than a deferment and may be allowed
during default:'
Mind the gendergap: Aburto cautions that
women's loans may linger longer. According
to the U.S. Department of Labor's 2007
analysis, women are paid just 81 cents for evMake the recession ery dollar a man makes. On top of that, she
work for you: If hard
says, "Women live longer and spend more
times mean that you can't afford your loan
time out of the workforce caring for others,
payments, request either a deferment or so we may need to save more, leaving less
forbearance, Aburto advises, but if your
money for paying debts:' ■
money problems are more long-term, she
reccomends exploring alternate options. 'J\n
Carrie Aburto specializes
extended repayment plan could lower your
m LGBT-speci.fic money
payments while increasing the life of your
matters with Aspen Wealth
loan up to 30 years, which will increase the
Management (aspenwealth
total amount you repay. If you have federal
inc.com) and is an amloans through the Direct Loan program, you
bassador for the Denver
may qualify for an income-contingent repayGay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
ment plan;' she explains.
She resides in Denver with her partner
Postponewisely:A forbearance grants you
permission to stop or reduce payments for a
of all
graduate and
undergraduate
students
borrow money
to pay for
their college
education.
and puppy. Check out
.finaid.orgformore info
on student loans.
66°/o $19
billion
of four-year
undergraduate
students
graduate with
student
loan debt.
Amount borrowed by
students during the 20072008 academic year to
finance their education.
SOURCES: American Student Assistance, National Postsecondary Student Aid Study
College Board, 2007-2008 Trends in Student Aid
'
Health ADVICE
Best Domestic
Gay Resort Town
-2006, 2007, 2008,
Out Traveler/PlanetOut.com
Follow this expert advice and stub it out for good.
Lung cancer is responsible for about 170,000 deaths per year in the United
States and 87 percent of those cases are due to cigarette smoking. "Cigarette
smoking is the leading preventable cause of death and disability, estimated
to contribute directly to 440,000 deaths per year," says Melissa S. Lim, M.D.,
a pulmonologist practicing at Sequoia Hospital in Redwood City, Calif. Lung
cancer has also surpassed breast cancer to become the most common cause
of cancer-related death among women. Ready to quit? It takes dedication
and commitment, but these five tips from Lim are sure to start you down a
nicotine-free path. [KimBale]
0 Set a quit date. Set a goal and
aspire to it. It's important to realize that
it's never too late to quit. You may not
be able to undo the damage your body
has already sustained, but you will prevent future smoking-related illnesses.
"Although you achieve a larger decline
in smoking-related health risks the
earlier you quit, you'll benefit whenever
you quit," says Lim.
Call on family and friends for support. "People who quit smoking need
a lot of support from family, friends
and their healthcare providers," says
Lim. You'll want allies in the struggle
when temptation creeps in.
@
@ Choose a stop-smoking method
that suits you. "There are many
behavioral and pharmacological
approaches to smoking cessation,
and a combination of the two is likely
to result in the best outcome," advises
Lim. Consult with your physician to
determine the correct treatment for
you to ensure success.
Just Between GirlzN
0 Have a nicotine substitute ready
when cravings strike. "The activities
one pairs with smoking should be identified, so that a substitute for smoking
can be adopted in its place," says Lim.
"Chewing gum and sucking on sugarfree hard candies are two common
substitutes." Also, if you force yourself
to smoke outside and you don't keep
cigarettes on hand, the act becomes
inconvenient and the likelihood of giving
in to temptation will decrease.
0 Never give up. Although side effects
such as depression, anxiety, irritability
and weight gain make quitting tough,
in the end the benefits are worth it.
"Realize that it takes, on average, about
five attempts to quit before success,"
says Dr. Lim. "It's really hard to quit and
you should be congratulated each time
you try."
Dr. Melissa S. Lim lives in San
Francisco with life partner Leigh
Kimberg, children Sam and Abby
and dogs Toby and Carmen.
TRY FOR FREE!
1.800.616.6113
CODE 1508
laverraer line,~
North America's Lesbian Chatline
lavenderline.net
POLITICS
Writtenon the Body
What do you see when you look in the mirror? By Victoria A. Brownworth
~
I:
;\:\' ~
I
A few hours before I wrote this column, I
was sitting in a surgeon's office. As I sat waiting for her to arrive, I began to think about
my body and the fact that much of who I am
is written on it.
Body and style are so inextricably connected. How we look is basic to who we are.
My style was personified by the black sweater
and skirt, the tie-dyed scarf that lay folded
over my purse on a chair. But in a baby-blue
exam gown, open in the front, I had become
generic, just another patient.
Something about being in a surgeon's
office makes me feel divorced from my body.
I feel more connected to those neatly folded
clothes than to the person sitting in the open
gown, waiting, looking at her own body.
My familiarity with surgeons began in my
20s. Three breast surgeries in four years kept
24
Icurve
Our bodiesare, as
feministstold us in the
1970s, our selves.And
acceptingour bodiesis
part of acceptingwho
we are as women.
cancer at bay, as did other surgeries over the
years-18 in 25 years.
Just after Thanksgiving 2008, my right
breast began to feel odd-hot,
and painful
and hard beneath my nipple.
From December through May I went
from test to test and doctor to doctor. I
went through two mammograms, eight
ultrasounds, 12 long weeks of heavy-duty
antibiotics, weekly visits to my primary
physician and nine visits to the surgeon she
refered me to.
Cancer, no cancer? Surgery, no surgery?
No answers, no conclusions.
Then on Easter, my body faced one more
crisis. My heart reacted to my ongoing health
problems by going into overdrive: An irregular heart beat nearly killed me.
While recovering from this real-life heart
condition, I watched soap operas where dramatic health crises are a narrative staple and
miracle cures happen every day.
The soap opera world is a landscape of
nip and tuck. The faces of the actors reflect
innumerable plastic surgeries-some
with
disastrous results.
When you've gone through many lifesaving surgeries, it's difficult to imagine
choosing to undergo any surgery voluntarily.
And yet, the social pressure to maintain a
youthful appearance seems more and more
intense, and not just for actors.
I've definitely seen the style of women's
bodies change over my lifetime. When I
was in high school my friends' mothers were
around the age I am now, but they seemed so
much older. And a photograph I have of my
own grandmother with my then-4-year-old
mother shows a woman who is only in her
40s, but who looks like she's in her 60s.
Yet today, 62-year-old soap opera veteran
Susan Lucci, looks like a woman 20 years her
junior. She's svelte and sexy. Her hair is long.
Her dresses are low-cut and form-fitting.
She's no one's senior citizen.
Of course, Lucci's been blessed with great
bone structure and an enthusiasm for exercise
that most women-66 percent of American
adults are overweight-don't
possess. She
denies having had any plastic surgery and
actually doesn't look like she has.
What women look like at 40, 50, 60 and
beyond has definitely changed-and
not
always because we rely on cosmetic surgery
to reconstruct our bodies.
But that was why I was in the surgeon's
A Lesbian in the White House
office-because my body needed restructuring, though not the voluntary kind.
It was difficult to wait for the surgeon and
not think about my body and what was written on it.
I've got what dermatologists call 'good
skin:' I have only a few wrinkles, no crow's
feet, none of the small lip lines that my
friends who are smokers have. Just the telltale laugh lines of a life lived fully.
But a different cartography is hidden
from view. A wide scar runs from my sternum to my pubic bone, marking where this
and that have been removed from my abdomen. Underneath my right breast are other
scars from still other surgeries. When I see
them I remember the tumors in the plastic
containers going down to the lab. My hands
have faint pinprick scars from endless IVs
over the years.
On the soaps, those scars would be erased
with makeup. In real life, those scars are daily
reminders of what my body has endured and
survived.
When the surgeon left, I got dressed. In
a week, I will lie on a table on my stomach
while dye goes into an IV through one of my
tattered veins. The cancerous bits that range
through the ducts of my right breast will light
up on a gray screen and then the surgeon will
know just what and how much will need to
be cut away.
In the real world, there are few miracles
and few women who have never gone under
the knife to achieve the perfect body. In the
real world, women's bodies are wildly divergent and thoroughly imperfect. But they are,
inimitably, our own.
I'm facing another surgery with resignation. Still, whatever new changes are wrought
on my body in the process will become part
of who I am. Our bodies are, as feminists
told us in the 1970s, our selves. And accepting our bodies is part of accepting who we
are as women. The landscape of our bodies
tells a story. Every line and curve and wrinkle
and scar is a landmark, a point of demarcation, an exclamatory, resonating statement
about who we are and have been. My body
may be covered in scars, but those scars mark
me as a survivor. What is written on my body
is-indelibly, inevitably-who
I am. ■
As the head of the White House
Council on Environmental Quality,
Nancy Sutley is the highest ranking out lesbian within the Obama
administration and the president's
principal advisor regarding environmental policy.
"We've had a number of occasions to talk about environmental
policy, climate change and to be
part of a really important priority,"
says Sutley. So far, she has witnessed the new administration's
dedication to making the environment a top priority and has already
helped set in motion a global initiative to limit poisonous mercury in
the environment.
"In all my experience I've never
seen a president give this much
attention to these issues. This
administration is trying to address
the most pressing threats and is
using science, instead of politics, to
guide our decisions," she says.
Though Sutley is only 47 years
old, she brings with her over a
decade of experience in senior
environmental management. In her
last position, as deputy mayor of
Los Angeles, she was in charge of
remaking Los Angeles into one of
the nation's greenest cities.
"We put together a big plan - a
lot of things the city could do itself
and things that people living in
L.A. could do to make it a greener
place," says Sutley. "The mayor
pledged to plant a million trees,"
she continues. "Last I heard we
had about 200,000 trees planted.
There were 14 new parks built and
we put together a plan to restore
the L.A. River."
It's clear that Sutley and the
entire Obama administration are
going to need strong arms and big
green mops to clean up the mess
left behind by previous administrations. "We just have so much to
do. A lot of time was lost in the last
eight years. We are dealing with
the sheer volume of trying to catch
up and move the environment off
the back burner and back to a top
priority." She lists cleaning up community pollution, preserving national
spaces and developing reliable
sources of clean, sustainable energy
as her own top priorities.
Sutley has a reputation for being a
skilled, knowledgeable, behind-thescenes negotiator who prefers to
avoid the limelight. One report went
as far as to call her "painfully shy,"
a statement that she denies with
a chuckle. "I don't feel pain. I feel
that I talk when I have something to
say. I'm not necessarily in love with
hearing the sound of my own voice.
I'm certainly not shy about expressing my opinions. I speak up when I
need to speak up."
That includes being upfront about
her sexual orientation. "Once I told
my mother, I figured it didn't really
matter who else knew. I've been out
and open in my career and [it's been
a] very supportive environment," she
says. Sutley feels equally embraced
as a member of the Obama administration and notices little things that
make a big difference, such as gay
families being encouraged to attend
the big Easter egg roll held on the
White House lawn.
"This administration is recognizing and embracing the gay community as part of our community
in Washington and nationally."
[HeatherRobinson]
September 2009
I25
DYKE
DRAMA
Your New Best Friend
There are 50 ways to leave your lover. Almost all of them suck. By Michele Fisher
The economy is turning straight people
into Iesbians. It's true-I just saw a story
about a divorced het couple that has been
living together for two years because they
cannot afford to sell their house and move
out. It seemed strange to me that a divorced
couple that was still cohabitating was actually newsworthy. Then I remembered I was
peeking into the straight world. I know I
won't be seeing a story like that on
Logo. We don't just shack up with
our exes, we start businesses with
them and raise kids with them. We
do have our boundaries; one of us
takes the downstairs and the other
the upstairs.
"I just want to call her to make
sure she's all right:'
She is not all right. You broke
up with her, so she is not going to
be all right for a while and you are
not the right person to check up on
her. Nothing is going to make the
girl you dumped feel better except
you getting back together with her,
which you'd better not do-again.
When you end it this time, make
sure you give the relationship a
DNR (do not resuscitate) order.
You are going to be friendseven if you don't want to-so stop
worrying about it. What you need
to be concerned about now is getting through this breakup.
Why are our breakups so messy:'
Piss-poor planning and control '
issues. Let's face it-lesbian breakups are rarely spontaneous affairs.
(In-the-heat-of-the-moment
breakups are not the kind that
last. She makes you mad, you tell
her you're gone and a few hours
later you two are making babies.)
I'm talking about real partings
here. The kind of breakups where
everybody in the world, except her,
knows that it is over.
Stop acting like you are agoniz26
Icurve
ing over the decision. You want out, so make
a plan. When you say, "She can have everything-I just want our;' do you really mean
that:' And if you do, are you sure you are still
going to mean that in two months, when
you realize that your kitchenware consists
of a dozen pairs of disposable chopsticks
that have come with your takeout dinners:'
You have learned how to eat cereal out of a
mayonnaise jar with chopsticks, but do you
really want to keep doing it:' Face it, you are
just acting magnanimous now because you
feel guilty, but when the guilt wears off you
are going to turn into an angry little ball of
resentment and call her up and demand that
toaster oven back right away. At that point,
you will have become the jerk that she knew
you were all along. Worse than that, you will
reactivate all of that breakup drama that
should have been behind you by now.
Start by planning how and where you are
going to end the relationship. No, a text mes,
sage reading "we r thru" is not appropriate.
You must put on your big,girl panties and tell
her in person. Do you tell her in public or
in private? There is a special place in hell for
people who breakup with lovers in public.
Unless your soon,to,be ex is a black belt
we caused it. We stay for hours or days or
weeks, and we let her cry and yell, and we get
into stupid arguments that really are pointless
since we are no longer in a relationship. Most
of us don't even question this lesbian ritual.
We think it is our duty to take care of (i.e.
control) the woman we dump-indefinitely.
It isn't. I am giving you permission to get the
heck out of there. Head for the hills, or your
parents' or the mall-just
get out of there.
Start by planninghow and whereyou
are goingto end the relatonship.No, a
text messagereading"we r thru"is not
appropriate.You must put on your big girl
pantiesand tell her in person.
with a hair trigger, there is no reason to plop
the bad news on her in a crowd. It is manip,
ulative. Which is exactly what is so tempting
about doing it. You can't control her reaction
and you shouldn't try. If it works, you are a
coward. And if it doesn't, you will never be
able to go to that restaurant again, and you
may have to get a second job to pay for the
damage to the place.
So you sit her down, in private, and you
tell her you two have got to go your separate
ways. Don't spend too much time perfecting
your speech because it just doesn't matter.
Even if you have Maya Angelou work on
your prose, you won't be able to mitigate
the emotional devastation it causes. In this
instance, it isn't how you say it, it is what
you are saying. I have been dumped enough
times to know for sure that after you hear
that you are getting tossed, you don't hear
anything else but your own panicked and
self,deprecating thoughts.
Now you've told her. What's your next
move?
See, this is where some planning comes
into play. How long after you drop the bomb
are you going to hang around? Most of us do
the all,night thing. We don't want to aban,
don her in her hour of need-even though
The longer you stay, the more she thinks she
can talk you out of breaking up with her. She
will squander whatever little bit of dignity she
has left on begging you to change your mind.
She has friends, a computer, a cat or whatever
else a girl turns to in times of trouble. You are
the wound; you cannot be the Band,Aid, too.
Yes, she is going to hate you, but she is sup,
posed to. You can't control that either.
You should already have planned for this
moment, and your personal effects should
already be somewhere else or ready to go.
You'd better not think that you are going to
be able to pack a suitcase with her freaking
out right there. If you think you are just going
to jet and then come back for your stuff later,
you'd better ponder that idea a little more.
Can your possessions pass the "front lawn
test"? How long can your belongings stay
on the front lawn and still be usable? Is it
going to rain in the next few days? What if
she throws your stuff into the pool instead?
How much of your stuff is waterproof?
Make a plan, Fran, and stick to it. You two
will eventually realize that dream of buying
a solar,powered cabin in the woods and
paying for it by selling your probiotic baked
goods at the local farmers' market, but you
have to break up with her first. ■
DAMR N
VACATIONS
VISIT:
DAMRONVACATIONS
.COM
CALL:
1.888.850.6585
ASTROGRRL
Slipsof the Tongue
This is a great month to watch what you say. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
Sex:Someone secret and special has a crush on you.
Discover who she is and see if you want to crush
back. Career:
Friends in high places give you a help,
ing hand. Join some new groups and find even more
helping hands. Rub elbows and spark a fire.
Pisces(Feb.20-March20)
Sex:Any improvements you make in your health
regime will help your love life. You may even meet
her at the salad bar. Of course, a little extra sugar is
not always a bad thing. Career:
You take extra risks at
work. These can pay off if they are carefully crafted.
Otherwise, just buy a lottery ticket and hope.
Libra(Sept.24-0ct.23)
Sex:Platonic girlfriends can turn into much more, if
that's what you want. Will you risk a good friendship
by complicating it with sex? Heck, why not? Career:
There's no stopping your corporate ascent now. You
rocket ahead of competitors. But pace yoursel£ lest
you run out of steam.
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Sex:Scorpios may find that love with a wealthy
woman has its advantages. Will you become a "kept
GETTOKNOW
YOUR
VIRGO woman"? And where do I sign up? Career:Try to
Virgodykeslooklikethe stereo- travel more for business. It will give you a chance to
typicallibrariansof the zodiacwith get away from the office and you can combine work
a clean,crisp,no-frillsappear- with a vacation-on the company dime. Shhh.
ancethatseemsto cry outfor
a goodspanking-or at least
Sagittarius
(Nov.23-Dec.22)
a sneakypeekunderthat long
Sex:
Faraway romance beckons you. Find any excuse
pencilskirt.Butthoseseverelooks
aredeceiving,
girlfriend.Actually, to expand your horizons and meet exotic, passionate
Virgowomenhavean immense ladies. Indulge yourself with an international tasting
A certain powerful
capacityfor loveandaffection. menu. Hot sauce anyone? Career:
Youjust haveto be patientenough executive has her eye on you. Maybe this is a good
to getthroughthe layersof thing. Avoid long lunches and too many "sick" days,
repression
andguiltto reachthe just in case.
pearl.Persistent
lovergrrls
will be
rewarded
with a fulfillinglife part- Capricorn
(Dec.23-Jan.20)
nerwhowill notonlylovethemfor Sex:You are especially sexy and alluring this month,
whotheyare-warts andall-but
so you can attract anyone you want. Use it or lose
whowill alsodustand
it, Capricorn! Career:Business partners make their
dothe windows.
move but you can play a key role in the outcome. The
corporate world is like a huge chess game. Get next to
the queen and become her favorite pawn.
Aries(March21-April20)
Sex:Take a chance, be flirtatious and see where it
gets you. You might hit a homer and work your way
through all the bases. Whoo hoo! Career:Lambda
rams might buck authority and take charge at work
this September. They cannot be tied up or reined
in-unless they're into that kind of thing.
Taurus(April21-May21)
Sex:Feather your love nest and see which lovely
bird flies in. Your home becomes your sensual castle,
and you become royalty. Let's hope there's no revolt!
Career:
September is the month to get your ideas out
there. Call 'em as you see 'em at work. But try not to
use too much profanity.
Gemini(May22-June21)
Sex:Whisper words of love and see where it gets
you-maybe
further than you think. Expect the
unexpected and go the distance. Career:Focus on
your finances and put your nose to the grindstone
at work. Money will come your way through hard
work. Hard work? Uh,oh.
Cancer(June22-July23)
Sex:Love comes packaged in many shapes and sizes.
Unwrap and discover what delightful gifts are in each
unique box. It's Christmas in September! Career
Members of the senior staff love you. I have no idea
why, but why ask why? Ask for a large raise instead.
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
AstrologerCharlene Aquarius
(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Lichtensteinis the Sex:If you open up the lines of communication with
authorof Herscopes:your partner, your relationship will overflow with
A Guideto Astrology love and affection. Tread carefully, so you don't slip.
forLesbians.
Getmoreat thestarry Career:Your job will demand much more time and
eye.com
orcheckoutherblogat effort this September. You'll work especially hard just
to stay where you are. Oh, goodie.
thestarryeye.
typepad.com.
28
Icurve
Sex:Meet and greet this September. Lionesses
become the center of attention and can sway the
adoring crowds by personality alone. Watch out.
Career:You have the corporate oomph to take over
and control. Even better, advise stealthily from
behind the scenes and exercise quiet influence. By
wintertime you will rule! ■
ITRIED
IT
The UltimatePowerTri
A helicopter ride puts things into perspective for one adrenaline junkie. By Mary McGrath
So-you've done those corkscrew rides at
Magic Mountain. You've even driven your
Porsche at 112 mph. But if there's any real
macho in you, you owe it to yourself to
defy gravity in a helicopter, preferably over
a major city, so that you can do the Bruce
Willis walk as you flirt with urban danger.
Are you game?
I'm a high-altitude junkie-I've
done
gliders, parasailing, even small planes-so I
took the dare a few months ago. Most helicopter rides start off in a fairly remote area.
Moments Made-a company that will set
you up to drive a race car,jump out of a plane
or ride in a helicopter above Los Angelesbegan my helicopter excursion near Pacoima,
Cali£, which is at the north end of the San
Fernando Valley. A variety of packages are
available (momentsmade.com), but I opted
for the most extravagant ride, which took me
all through the valley, over the Pacific Ocean
and right into downtown Los Angeles and
Hollywood.
When planning your trip, try to get a good
seat. If you can't be by the window, take another
flight; you're likely to become acquainted with
the barf bag if you' re sensitive to motion and
you can't see the terrain below you. In fact, try
to sit where you can actually roll the window
down-this will make visibility much better,
especially if you have a camera, and the fresh
air is a real rush. And wear comfy clothes,
you'll be turning around trying to catch the
sights, and the last thing you want is to be
hindered by your outfit.
When it was my turn to fly,I was ushered
into the cockpit, and soon it felt like it was
just me and the pilot with his foot pedals
and radio in a bubble of glass. But we weren't
alone; also on board were two gals making
out in the backseat with a video camera and
a bottle of champagne. I prayed they weren't
prone to motion sickness as I watched them
take another gulp of the bubbly. Then it was
time for us to strap ourselves in (don't get
excited, I'm not talking bondage here), and
get ready for takeoff.
When we lifted off the ground, the copter
started to wobble a bit. Oh boy, I thought.
Where's my rosary? Soon, we were airborne,
heading across the valley, the pedestrians
below looking like ants on a furtive mission.
It's amazing how quickly you can get to the
beach when you don't have to take the freeway. Within minutes, we could see the wide
expanse of the Pacific, while a thin stream of
cars crawled over Topanga Canyon.
urban landscapes? And, by the way, while
you're making that fourth banked turn,
where's the barfbag,just in case?
My gal pals in back were too busy getting
drunk to notice how I was doing. Maybe
they were at that three-month mark where
you're still going to extremes to impress each
other. And what better way to do it than in a
helicopter? It's cheaper than jewelry and far
"Oh, look at those dolphins;' announced
our pilot. "Let's take a closer look:' And with
that, he made a steeply banked turn and
pulled up about 50 feet above the water.
Soon we were flying parallel to the shoreline,
zooming over the Santa Monica Pier and its
circus of rides. I suddenly wished I'd taken
some Dramamine. I thought this was going
to be one of those AARP rides, not some
Red Bull adventure.
As a blur of cars sped by, our pilot ushered us inland toward Hollywood. I fancied
myself one of the paparazzi as we flew over
the Spelling mansion and Britney Spearsville
on Hollywood Boulevard. Tall buildings
stabbed at the sky, but they couldn't reach us
with their long steel arms.
The geometry of any city is pretty
astounding from the air. Who plans these
more exciting.
We zoomed by the Hollywood sign and
over the hills into the San Fernando Valley.
But what's that in the distance? Our airport?
My pilot checked in with me, and I assured
him I wasn't about to decorate his cockpit
with my lunch. Besides, I had about 150
photos to commemorate my wild aerial trip
of Los Angeles, reminding me of one of the
best adventures I've had in recent years.
Whether you're off to the Grand Canyon,
Maui (where I tried the helicopter ride again,
for a tamer experience) or Barbados, there are
many outfits that will gladly take you airborne
in a chopper so that you can truly enjoy the
terrain from another perspective. Helicopters
are very safe and nimble and they offer a
unique experience you're unlikely to forget.
You can always buy jewelry next year. ■
September 2009
I29
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The foxy blonde with
Aubrey O'Day is no stranger to the tabloids.
striking blue eyes is the subject of frequent speculation in both the rag mags and
the gossip blogosphere: Why was she fired from Danity Kane-the sexy girl group
created by Sean "Diddy" Combs-on MTV's Making the Band? Who is she involved
with? Her numerous lovers are supposed to include everyone from porn queen
Jenna Jameson to heiress Lydia Hearst. And why did she finally agree to grace
the cover of Playboy? Curve caught up with O'Day, who was eager to set the
record straight about what went down on MTV, how she "married" Daniela
Sea, her Vegas show, her own reality series and-most importantly-who's
in her love life (spoiler alert: Aubrey O'Day likes girls).
In the third iteration of MTV's hit series Making the Band
in 2005, hip hop mogul Combs decided to create an all-girl
act. Of the thousands of women who auditioned, O'Day, who
had been performing since age 4, instantly stood out from the
pack-and through two seasons, and more drama than you
can shake a pimp cane at, O'Day was chosen to be a member
of his manufactured R&B group, Danity Kane. However,
after just two hit albums, the group disbanded on the season
four finale-following Combs' decision to fire O'Day and Dee
Woods. While Combs claimed that he let O'Day go because
she was no longer the girl he'd signed and that she had been
changed by fame, O'Day has a different theory.
"He was never going to dictate who I am as a person;' says
the 25-year-old O'Day. "I think he's gotten good at doing that
with the women that are around him. I won't let him do that
to me. So that's why I was out. And that's why you saw me go
head to head with him-and it could have been over stupid
things like hair or shoes, jewelry, image. But what it really was
about was power and control-I wasn't going to let somebody take mine:'
While the decision to part ways was
not O'Day's, she has no regrets about
what happened. "You know, some32
Icurve
times when you make bold moves you look back
[and think], Maybe I just should have been a part of
the machine instead of rebelling. I still say that about
old relationships though, too. But at the end of the day
you just have to do ... the best you can for who you are
in that moment:'
No longer beholden to Combs or Danity Kane, the
San Francisco native was finally free to be hersel£
''I've been able to be more me, absolutely. I don't
make apologies and I don't hide things about
J:
what I feel:' She was also finally able to pose
for Playboy. The magazine, according
to O'Day, had approached her three
separate times, but she had turned
them down out of respect for
-;t
her conservative band mates.
. i1,.
(Theresa M. Hennessey,
Playboysvice president
,",,1,:
, .. "'
~-:./-
f.
•
. ,.
Oh; SfAJv
"1)~"
C-Ofnb~:
"What it really was about was
power and control-I wasn't going
to let somebody take mine. I think
he's gotten good at doing that with
the women that are around him. I
won't let him do that to me."
of public relations, however, said, "To my knowledge, that is not
correct:')
"I am probably one of the most accepting people you'll ever
meet in your life and, trust me, none of the girls in Danity
Kane were anything like me. I was in a group with heavy conservative Republicans who are in love with George Bush. Can
you imagine what that does to my bubble?"
O'Day, a drama and political science major from UC
Irvine, shared an example of the band's vastly differing ideologies from the road. "We did a political campaign one time
and I was just looking at them, thinking, Please don't speak,
because it's going to embarrass me. They're all just like 'It's
so embarrassing when Aubrey doesn't have a lot of clothes
on and she just shows off her body' ... and I am thinking to
myself, How embarrassing that you're saying you think Bush
is a great president-that's embarrassing:'
Immediately following the breakup, rumors began swirling that O'Day would be taking up the mantle as the postTila Tequila A Shot at Love bachelorette. As it turns out,
the scuttlebutt was partly true. The day after her Making the
Band departure was made public, she met with the show's
producers.
"I walked in and there were the four executives of this network and they sit up and start clapping and say,'So here's the
little girl who took on Bad Boy [Records): And that felt good,
because coming out of that energy I needed a little pick-meup;' laughs O'Day. "I needed somebody to say, 'It's OK, you
can be yourself, you made a good move:"
O'Day seriously considered MTV's offer.'Tm not in a relationship and I don't know [ifl) prefer one sex over the other at
this point in my life, and so for me I thought it was ... perfect.
And, you know, hearing [the producers) talk about it, they are
34
I curve
all heavy gay advocates and they are very involved in the gay
community and they don't make a joke out of it. Sometimes,
it seems like it's being made a joke 0£ but the actual producers
don't. They take it very seriously:'
Ultimately, perfect fit or not, O'Day passed on Shot. "There
was a moment where I was like, 'This could be neat: But I had
so many busy bees around me that just thought it was a bad
idea. I got an offer to do my own show. It's a lot harder to
do your own show. People don't realize it's not a better deal. I
mean, the Shot at Love deal-the actual deal-was a thousand
times better and was probably 10 times the money:•
That new show, to air on a yet-to-be-announced network,
will focus on her return to the stage since playing Amber in
the Broadway production of Hairspray (she was also in touring productions of Grease, Wicked and Rent, among others);
launching Heart on My Sleeve, her clothing line (its rollout
was delayed to be included in the series); her new stage show;
undoubtedly, plenty of Ginger (her beloved puppy); and hopefully, some hot Sapphic action.
Not everyone in O'Day's life was as supportive of her decision to strike out on her own, with some advising her against
taking the risk of starring in her own reality series.
"[They) were like, 'Don't do it, it's too much of a challenge;
she laughs. 'J\nd, of course, you say that to the one girl who
lives off of challenge... [so) my little light bulb went off and I
was like,'Oh, I am definitely going to do this now:"
The reality TV star does, however, have some misgivings
about carrying an entire show all by hersel£ Where shows like
Shot at Love garner their entertainment value from the drama
and infighting of the contestants vying for their turn at a happily ever after ending, O'Day's show will rely solely on her to
bring the thunder or fall by the wayside, as many recent reality
series-staring more established celebrities-have.
"On my show I'm the one who has to be real about everything and that's not easy. That's why so many iconic women
like Denise [Richards) or Pam [Anderson), their shows didn't
do as well because it's, you know, hard to relate to:'
Lesbian fans are hoping O'Day will be "real" and "relatable''
about the romantic aspects of her life on the show, as well.
Rumors that O'Day's sexuality, was perhaps a shade of lavender began on the red carpet last year. When questioned about
her love life, O'Day appeared to be dropping hints that maybe
it was not so heteronormative after all.
When asked about what man she was dating, O'Day was
quick to set reporters straight. "I used to correct them not
because I was dropping hints but because I think it's rude to
assume that somebody is with a man. So I'd say 'What guy?
What girl?'"
In subsequent interviews O'Day remained cagey,refusing to
confirm or deny the rumors, despite photos of her intimately
frolicking with women on the beach and tabloid reports linking her to Jenna Jameson and media heiress Lydia Hearst.
Having left Danity Kane, O'Day is finally ready to go on
the record and talk about some of the speculation surrounding her love life."I never expressed mysel£ even internally with
the girls [in the band] about sexuality... never talked about
it publicly because I didn't feel that my [work] situation was
comfortable with that. And I wanted to respect the business of
what we were doing, but the second I got fired, oh my God!"
So what is the story? Is she a lesbian? Bisexual? Or just
another fame-grubbing fauxmosexual:' Well, those hoping that
O'Day would clear things up-and just tick a box, alreadymay be disappointed. Like much about the musician, it's just
not that simple. O'Day is a member of an emerging group of
Hollywood's Sapphic (and Sapphic-leaning) ladies who outright refuse to define themselves with labels.
"It was never that I didn't want to say what my preference
is;' explains O'Day. "I mean, it's not like I'm hiding anything. I
just don't know. I haven't fallen in love with the person that has
taken my heart and made me want to be a better person every
day. I could be happy marrying a woman. I could be happy
marrying a man. It just depends on the person and the emotional and physical relationship that I have:'
O'Day elaborated: "I have enjoyed the time that I've spent
with a woman, but, you know, not everything was there and
Oi'v
S~
it wasn't any one thing in particular, just that person. And
I've had amazing relationships with men but ... not everything was there. There was something missing:'
Her hesitance to define her sexuality also factored into her
decision to pass on MTV's offer. "That's another reason why
I thought hard and long about A Shot at Love, because that
would right away... put me as the 'television bisexual' and I just
don't feel comfortable with that. I don't even know that that
is the case:'
While she's loath to pick a label, O'Day is happy to express
her desire to fraternize with people all across the gender spectrum. "The other night I was out and I fell in love with this
woman. She was so amazing and my g-hub [gay husband] was
like, 'Oh, that [used to be] a man. She's post-op, she's completely had all her surgeries and everything' ... I was like, 'Wow,
I would have never known. And I would have never cared:"
And to the naysayers who have accused her of hinting at
heteroflexiblity in an effort to garner more press, or to titillate
her male fans:' "I don't do anything for other people's enjoyment. I think I've made that pretty clear. I mean, if! did things
for other people then I would still have a job. So I have never
been the one to do something to impress a man or a woman or
impress a community or to impress a boss in a powerful position. It's just not me:'
A side effect of her ambiguity has meant increased scrutiny
on any woman she's seen in public with, something O'Day is
surprised by. "I never thought it would happen with people
that aren't in the industry ... I think it would be easier if it were
a celebrity because celebrities all know
how that goes. I haven't had a
lot 0£ like, celebrity lesbian
women approach me:'
R.onM>l'v:
"She is so hot. Everytime I see her I
want to go over and talk to her, but it's
likeshe'sgoingto be like, 'You're
that girlthat triesto say you're gay
everywhere,'and I'm like 'No,
I promise,get to know me.
We'd be perfecttogether."'
......
--------..
011,,
~ iJvWJ
e,:
"I'm one of the most underestimated
people in the industry. People don't expect
much from me. They expect me to be a
hot mess, they expect me to say all the
wrong things and wear the wrong outfits.
That's how I like it though. I think it's really
easy to move through the industry as a
woman when you're underestimated."
Thar's not co say she hasn't had her share of famous female
snogs. She had one public smooch fest with comic Kathy Griffin
at the Bravo A-List Awards, which caught O'Day slightly
unaware. "When we practiced chat, we were only pecking:'
However, when the audience was seated and the cameras
were rolling, the lip lock took a decidedly French turn. "I don't
know if the producers told her co do chat, but if you see me I
am going in for our cute little peck, like, whacevs, and she just
stuck her tongue in my mouth, and I was like, AAAAAH !"
Despite her surprise, O'Day was cool with the impromptu
French kiss. "It's Kathy Griffin! I don't care what anyone has
to say,she is so hot ... I don't like people sticking tongues in my
mouth, but Kathy was the exception:'
Another possible exception2 Accor and L Word alum
Daniela Sea. The two met at the Life Ball in Vienna, Austria, a
charity event co support the fight against HIV/ AIDS. O'Day
spotted Sea surrounded by women vying for her attention,
and, hoping to catch Sea's eye, she hung back. Apparently, her
hard-to-get act paid off, because the two ended up getting
married at Sea's suggestion in a mock ceremony chat night and
even did a little kissin'. According to O'Day, Sea-who didn't
know about her heteroflexibility-said, "You're a good kisser,
for a straight girl:' The kiss was memorable for O'Day as well.
"She was a beautiful kisser;' she ad.mies. Alas, there was no
honeymoon, mock or otherwise.
So who is next on O'Day's conquest list2 If it were up to her,
it would be Samantha Ronson. "[She is) so hot. Every time I
see her I want to go over and talk to her, but it's like she's going
co be like, 'You're chat girl chat tries to say you're gay everywhere; and I'm like,' o, I promise-get to know me. We'd be
perfect together:"
She is reticent about trying to live up to the hype of the out
DJ's highly publicized on-again off-again romance, however.
"Lindsay and that relationship made it such a joke. It was
just like, on every cover, on every tabloid. Their relationship
has been her job for the past year... you just can't live up co chat
entire Disneyland circus that went on in your last relationship.
I couldn't live up to all chat shic:'
36
I curve
But it's not all lezzie smooches and reality TV these days.
O'Day is also aware of the power of her celebrity and is deeply
committed to activism. She has her own charity, FAN (Fight
AIDS Now), providing hands on therapy and art to children in hospitals. She also supports other organizations like
Responsibility which builds secondary schools in Tijuana,
Mexico, Big Sister and The Pink Project.
Bue chis wasn't always the case; a combination of two
events shaped her worldview. The first was the death of her
nanny-an African American man who died in her home of
complications associated with AIDS-and
the second was a
conversation with her mother.
"When I was young, I was very selfish and kind of all about
me and I just wanted co win ... I won a pageant and I was in
the car with my mom and I was like, 'I've achieved so much
and look at these things I've done. You must be so proud I'm
your daughter, not that ocher girl: And my mom said, Td
rather have that other girl as my daughter, honestly: That was
a change for me, to hear my mom say chat, because she was not
proud of who I was becoming:'
Aubrey O'Da}' continued on page 63
•••
I'm Waiting for the (Wo)man: Pop art on the East River
China is wearing a shirt, bandana and bag by Thom Markee, from his clothing line "hipsterscumfag." Shot on
the East River in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn, Van Stelten says she wanted to "take some local Brooklyn
designers and quasi-celeb hot queer hipsters and maybe show a piece of the lifestyle there."
PREVIOUS
PAGE:Femme Fatale: Mix one part boi and two parts grrrl-and add a twist
Mila dons a Brassier by Chantal Thomas; vintage Woolrich hunter trousers (stylist's own); vintage Superba
striped tie (stylist's own); silver snake belt worn as necklace from Poppet NYC; black bracelet by Alexis Bittar.
Mila's makeup by Kate Woods; styling by Jet Olivia
China's makeup by Kate Woods and Melvin Willis; styling by Camille De Grocco
38
Icurve
I'll Be Your Mirror: Juxtaposition of fetish-femme and the (Chelsea) girl next door
"Basically we shot Mila's photos in an amazing loft in Williamsburg that had this very cool
retro vibe, sort of a brothel meets a mad science lab. The name of the loft is House of
Collections owned by Paige Stevenson and managed by Ahnika Delerium. It very much
fits the Williamsburg vibe-it's like a commune that throws art parties and rents out their
space for shoots and shows."
Mila is wearing a vintage orange hostess gown (stylist's own); vintage American Serviceman hat from Screaming Mimi's; eye mask worn on hat by Jetrophelia.com; garter belt by
Chantal Thomas; hosiery by Wolford; silk panties and fragrance by Agent Provocateur.
September 2009 I39
V
1s in F
s: A mo ern ta e on an Edie Sedg ick
Mila is tab in a vintage printed velvet dress by Don Luis de Espana; Life-Coach ring from C'est Magnifique;
monster turquoise ring (stylist's own); fragrance by L'lnstant de Guerlain.
1
o
Pa •
Blac· 1eatta· • he·
ous F
ory
China is wearing a dress by Williamsburg's own Boiykrazi Designs, and is standing inside the bathroom at
Artland Bar, a huge local hipster hotspot.
1
40
Icurve
What's even better than sitting on the edge of your seat watching a
contestant on Americas Next Top Modelget the boot or strut down the
catwalk? Watching Britains Next Top Model.Just think: sexier accents
and snarkier girls.
That's where 22,year,old androgynous hottie Lisa Fowler comes
in. Fowler, a personal trainer and an out lesbian from Hertfordshire,
England, debuted in cycle four of the popular show and she wasn't your
average TV reality star, or your average model. During an interview,
June Sarpong-one of the U.K:smost pop,
ular young presenters and the president
of her own production company, Lipgloss
Productions-told
Fowler that in some of her
pictures, she comes across as androgynous. "To be honest, I'm
quite comfortable with that;' says Fowler. "Some people would take
offense to that, but personally, I quite like it:'
As the show rolled on, it became dear that Fowler had a quirkiness
that the other girls just didn't. During the initial question,and,answer
session at the beginning of the show, someone inquired as to why she
thought she'd win. Instead of highlighting her style or her experience,
she came right out and said, 'Tm a bit silly and a bit mental:'
Things seemed to be going well enough until episode six, when she
got voted off the show. She says it was the catwalk portion that did it.
"Usually I'm in trainers, so I'm not used to walking in heels;' Fowler says.
"So my catwalk wasn't my strongest part-I've still got to practice:'
Fowler still wants to model, specifically for magazines and possibly
commercially. While on the show, Fowler says she learned a lot about
the modeling world. From training with Supple, a choreographer and
dancer who has worked with Madonna and Janet Jackson, and Jeanette,
a catwalk trainer who has modeled in magazines like Vogueand Italian
Vogue,to learning how to live in a house with 13 other model wannabes,
Fowler can't complain about the opportunities the show has given her.
"I learned how to show myself off in the best way;' she says. 'i\nd
what I need to improve on if I want to be a model:' But she hasn't set
her mind on that career track for certain. "It'd be quite cool if I started
training celebrities;' she says, ala Jackie Warner.
Even though Fowler didn't win the competition, she played it cool.
She's comfortable with her own personal brand of charm and she
isn't afraid to be herself 'Tve got a different look;' she says. 'Tm a bit
of a tomboy, and I reckon I could really stand out from the crowd:'
Sometimes, being yourself is more important than winning. ■
QUEER
FAMILY
VACATION
A wedding in Korea teaches one gal how to
stay sane when surrounded by her family
in a foreign country. By Kathleen Bryson
here we were, my immediate family of six, on its own without the moderating presence of partners and spouses
for the first time in 20 years, jet-lagged in a one bedroom
apartment in Busan, South Korea, for what was going to
be 10 days, awaiting the nuptials of my youngest brother.
At one point, overwhelmed by my family, I mentioned that
I was going to step outside for a few minutes, to which
my mother responded, "What's wrong with my kids, that
they all feel like they need to have personal space!" (Note: I
took the breather anyway.) My brother David, having fallen
in love with the lovely Hyun-Mi, was going to be married
in the cherry-blossom-bedecked city of Gyeongju within
days, and we were all going to have to keep it together
until then.
42
Icurve
After the initial 23,hour flight (with layovers) from
Portland, Ore., we were picked up at the airport and driven
back to David and Hyun,Mi's place, through the bewitching
neon Candyland of nighttime Busan. Then, after we had a jet,
lagged slumber of a mere four hours, the future groom and
bride took it upon themselves to show us as much of Korea
as possible in the 10 days that we were there. They borrowed
a van from one of Hyun,Mi's uncles, and we set off on South
Korea's winding, mountainous roads on our way to adventure
and at least 20 different kinds of kimchi over the next week
and a half We were, as it turned out, on the road a lot, ofren
driving for six hours a day, then hiking uphill for an hour, then
hiking uphill some more, then driving farther.
We started out at the beautiful Haeinsa Temple, where the
multicolored flags and prayer lanterns blowing in the breeze,
and the small piles of prayer rocks, were gorgeous and sooth,
ing. We were to visit many Buddhist temples over the next few
days, which inevitably meant that we'd be climbing up several
mountainsides. Koreans and Americans are similar in many
ways, one of which is that we both have a work hard,play hard
philosophy. (My impression is that they both work harder and
play harder than we do. Statistics back up the first half of my
impression: South Koreans work more hours than people in
any other industrialized nation.) eedless co say, we quickly
learned the Korean phrase palli,palli-"hurry, hurry!"
It was worth the hurrying to get to Haeinsa Temple, the
home of the Tripitaka Koreana. The Tripitaka scripts found
here are wooden blocks carved from birch trees in 1087 C.E.,
during the Goryeo Dynasty. These 81,340 scripts measure 27
inches by 9 inches each, and are housed in a special room at
the temple. Two hundred years later, the Koreans invented
metal movable type (beating the Gutenberg press by 257
years). Haeinsa Temple is a UNESCO World Treasure site,
one of many in Korea, a fact about which the Koreans are
understandably proud.
Late in the day, we drove to Jangseungpo to catch the ferry
to Odeo Paradise Island, located in the Hallyeo Maritime
ational Park. On the way, we were entertained by several
middle,aged Korean tourists singing along to loud K, Pop
€
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Left to Right: Buddhist Gateway at Gyeongju in South Korea; trees
at Odeo Island; Tripitaka Scripts; the author caving with her family
(Korean pop) disco music. There was smoked squid for sale
as well, and it was pretty tasty. Once we disembarked on
the island, we had an hour to walk up through a stunning
landscaped garden where much of the topiary looked like
something straight out of Dr. Seuss. At the top of the hill was
Greek statuary and one bizarrely American-looking group of
concrete Disney-esque animals. The sculpture park, created
by the wealthy businessman Lee Chang-ho and his wife, is
intended to be European, but to Western eyes it is a mash-up
of both Western and Eastern aesthetics.
It's often hard to retain a sense of yourself when you're traveling, but I've found that sometimes it's best to give up on those
preconceived notions and just go along for the ride. I would
never normally, for example, set foot in a military museum, as
we did at the Goeje POW Camp Museum in Gohyeun, later
the same day, but I have to admit that this was one of the most
well-designed museums I've ever seen. It was moving and
frightening and eye-opening all at the same time. The dioramas inside this museum (built on the site of a former POW
camp, which held captured North Korean soldiers during the
Korean War) were excellent, and the explanations in English
reminded me that it's not just the United States that tends
toward not-so-subtle patriotic propaganda.
The next day proved to be a bit more frivolous. Korea is
well-known for its amethysts (it is the third-largest producer
of the gems, after Brazil and Zambia), and you can purchase
beautiful ones, along with stunning pottery, in villages such as
Icheon. Amethysts are found in caves, and caves-though not
always amethysts-are found everywhere in this mountainous
land. Mi and David thought it would be fun to explore some
while we were there, so we went to six separate caves during
our stay. Our favorites were H wanseon Donggul, another
Disney-esque experience with steel stairways everywhere, and
the relatively undeveloped Seongnyugul.
Bulguksa is another remarkable temple and is also a
UNESCO site. I knew that the right-angled sun signfamiliar in the West due to the Nazis use of it as their
swastika-was still used as a religious symbol in India, but
I didn't know it was used this way in Korea, and I was dis-
concerted by the blinking, flashing disco lights of a 20-foothigh illuminated sun sign on our second night in Busan. This
ancient holy symbol is also painted on the walls of Bulguksa
Temple. The temple is also ornamented with intricately carved
dragons, fish, tiger statues and immense sacred Buddhas.
Koreans pride themselves both on their walking prowess
and on their having a variety of dishes for each meal (Mi and
David's wedding feast had no fewer than 32 separate dishes),
and, because were a family of experimental eaters who like hot
food, we did very well. Particular favorites included kimchi in
all its forms, bibimbap (a rice dish with egg and vegetables and
spices), sweet-potato glass noodles from street-food stalls,
bulgogi (Korea's famous marinated, self-barbecued beef)
and more seafood than you could shake a net at. We missed
the famous spas of Korea, where they scrub you down in hot
water and milk, and Changdeok Palace's secret gardens in
Seoul, but, damn it, we got our food.
Wandering the market streets of Busan takes mettle, but
you can always buy surprisingly good coffee in the wellfunctioning subway system to get a good buzz going. I was broke
by the time we got a chance to do some serious shopping, so I
settled for looking at the huge fish market, but I did splurge and
commission a cool trinket-you can get your name carved in
Korean script on a wooden stamp for around $20.
On the way to Mi's home village, it was mountainous driving again, which is always a little fraught (plus I played 61
games of Scrabble on my iPod in the van when I got tired of
my family and traveling). At several points, my other brother
told me he actually thought he was going to die and made
peace (or not) with that. That caused a number of discussionslash-arguments in the car. It was great and it was hectic. I
decided my family was crazy but loveable.
Finally,it was time for the wedding and Gyeongju, the wedding capital of Korea, with its icy-white cherry blossoms in full
bloom, was the place for the traditional shamanistic ceremony.
The wedding itself was amazing. The most interesting part was
when they brought in two chickens and what appeared to be
blood-letting bowls. The cock and hen weren't killed, though,
they were just given chicken feed. Mi, dressed in a traditional
hanbok,was brought in on a dais carried by her siblings. The
ceremony concluded with David carrying Mi piggyback into
one of the temple "houses:'
The newlyweds spent the rest of the day with our family
and some Japanese friends, touring the Shilla Kingdom sites
of Gyeongju in their wedding clothes. David had told me that
interracial marriages of any sort are generally viewed with
suspicion in Korea. So, when he and Mi toured the burial
mounds of the Shilla kings in full bridal attire, flanked by their
American and Japanese family and friends, they endured the
same kind of looks that same-sex couples are used to getting
in public. It was moving to witness and it made me respect
their bravery. It made me realize that there are many ways for
people to be "queer:' ■
It's often
hard to
retain a
sense of
yourself
when you're
traveling,
but I've
found that
sometimes
it's best to
give up on
those preconceived
notions
and just go
along for the
ride.
September 2009
I43
YKES IN
THAILAND
arm, sunny weather, tropical fruit and flowers, smiling faces,
cheap, beautiful accommodations- Thailand has it all. And
the Thai people are very accepting of visitors who swim outside the mainstream. Thailand could very well be the ultimate
lesbian getaway destination. Whether you're looking for
bustling cities, sparkling beaches, gastronomic extravagance
or chilled-out rain forests, you'll find it all here, and armed
with the following tips, you can make sure you'll spend your
hard-earned holiday dollars in friendly lesbian-owned and
-operated businesses.
BUSTING
OUTIN BANGKOK
If you're looking to meet people and find out what's going on
in one of the world's busiest capital cities, there's no one better
to ask than the creator of BangkokLesbian.com, the country's
most popular online lesbian community. Originally from New
York, Caitlyn Webster moved to Bangkok in 2005. "I wanted
to share the scene with other expats and tourists who are in
Bangkok;' Webster says.
In the beginning, it was just a listing of bars and events, but
now BangkokLesbian is an online community of over 850
members from all over the world. The site is in English and is
a great resource for locals and travelers alike.
Webster now also manages parties as part of her role at
BangkokLesbian. "Our parties are usually between 20 to 50
girls in a bar we reserve privately:' Many women come to the
parties alone, so Webster spends much of her time introducing
people, but she doesn't take her role as hostess too seriously.
It's not hard to find the rainbow in this
Asian paradise. Amy McDonald
"It's a great way to meet friends-or maybe more;' she laughs.
Webster recommends Zera and E-Fun, both womenonly nightclubs that are friendly and easy to gee to by taxi or
ruk-ruk. Zera has live music and a pool cable. Unlike other
Bangkok nightclubs, Zeta rends to cool down around 2 a.m.
If you're not into clubbing, E-Fun runs great events, like
their infamous Lesbian Car Rally.
"This was heaps of fun;' Webster says of the rally."Everyone
drove in their cars together and stayed overnight at a guest
house." For travelers without cars (or who didn't want to brave
the Bangkok traffic), E-Fun provided a bus, too. And, to make
it even better, all the money raised went to children's charities.
Bangkok is famous for shopping, so it comes as no surprise
that there are loads oflesbian-owned stores packed full of great
buys. China Journal is a lesbian-owned Chinese teahouse that
also sells antiques and books. It has a mixed clientele, the food
is wonderful, it's a great place for unusual souvenirs and the
eye candy is always tasty.
Make sure you visit Papercuts and The Pencil Sharpener
for the latest fashions from the up-and-coming Thai designer
couple Manisa Sakdiyakorn and Saitarn Karncharanwong. As
well as creating amazing Japanese-inspired tailored shirts and multi-pocket canvas totes, the couple also offer lesbian discounts through @tom act magazine. The score is chock-full of
fun accessories and clothing.
If you need to couch up your own style, drop into Tanainan
Beauty Salon. This lesbian-owned business stocks great
products and their stylists have won prestigious awards. The
salon is located in the very cool Thong Lor District, so once
you've been styled you are ready for more shopping, shopping,
shopping.
After all your clubbing, grooming and consuming, a little
rejuvenation may be in order. Check out YogaSense, a small,
tropical paradise in the bustling city. Though she welcomes
everyone, Spanish yoga teacher Sara Sanchez says her clientele
is largely women. The unofficial lesbian day is Wednesday, and
beginners are always welcome.
LA-LA
LANDOFTHEEAST
If Bangkok is New York City, Chiang Mai is Los Angeles.
Leafy, breezy and artsy, this city is a must for any visitor to
Thailand. A short flight or an overnight train ride from
Bangkok, this ancient city is awash in trendy coffee shops, galleries, markets and boutique guest houses. It is also famous for
classes in Thai massage and cooking.
For a great breakfast or a healthy lunch, head to Juicy 4 You
Juice Bar. This relaxed cafe has indoor and outdoor dining,
a small range of local art and jewelry for sale and a comprehensive and quirky community notice board. Fresh juice is the
specialty but the cafe also serves wonderful crepes, salads and
sandwiches. Thai food is also available.
The best women-only club in Chiang Mai is C2. Easy to
find and a short trip in a tuk-tuk (a motorized rickshaw)
from the main part of town, this venue has both casual outdoor dining and a bar area inside. Beware: The dinner menu
is entirely in Thai, but some of the staff speak English and the
specials board lists menu items in English as well. Try the stirfried chicken with cashew nuts or the tom yum with prawns.
C2 attracts a local crowd and whiskey, bought by the bottle, is
the drink of choice.
Instead of staying in Chiang Mai proper, consider taking
a 40-minute drive out to Mae Rim and staying at the
International Women's Partnership for Peace and Justice
Retreat Centre and Homestay. This lesbian-operated organization runs programs and training for women all across Asia
to promote grassroots social activism. The organization also
advocates for women's rights and has recently become more
heavily involved in the Sao-Sao-Et movement, a collective
advocating for queer rights in the north of Thailand.
The IWP retreat center has basic dorm rooms, a beautiful
mud-brick meditation hall and a library full of books on feminism, spirituality, Buddhism and queer rights. It is a sanctuary
and an amazing place to retreat. Plus, the village is home to
two brilliant Thai masseurs, both of whom offer two-hour
massages for less than $10.
En route to Chiang Mai, stop off at Elephantstay, a lesbianowned and -operated elephant conservation center located an
hour's drive from Bangkok. Michelle Reedy is a former senior
zookeeper at Australia's Melbourne Zoo and now co-runs
Elephantstay with her partner, Ewa Narkiewicz. "If you really
want to make a difference to any species, the most effective
way is to work in their country of origin;' Reedy says.
By staying at the center, you will be contributing to prolonging the life of older Asian elephants in a really practical
way. "As well as being surrounded by beautiful elephants and
friendly people, our guests have a real experience that is in no
way a tourist one;' Narkiewicz says.
When planning a trip to Elephantstay, Narkiewicz says
more is better. "The longer you stay, the more you can bond
with your elephant, which is a special experience:' Though, she
warns, the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave.
HITTING
THEBEACH
Head south to find hundreds of beach destinations, along
with the full spectrum of accommodations. All the beach
areas cater to Western tourists, so it's unlikely that you'll face
any discrimination (although you may encounter a raised
eyebrow if you stay in a double room in a remote place). For
queer-specific events and venues, it's better to stick to the main
tourist areas in Pattaya and Phuket.
If you like all things bright and shiny, you'll enjoy Phuket.
The island was devastated by the 2004 tsunami but has since
TOMSANDDEES
Thailand
isfamous
foritssextrade,
wheretheterm
"lesbian"
hastaken
onconnotations
of
pornography
made
formen.Soqueer
womeninThailand
preferto callthemselves
"toms"(for
tomboys)
or"dees"
(forladies),
roughly
corresponding
to the
terms"butch"and
"femme."
Generally,
thecategories
are
verypolarandif you
consider
yourself
more"androgynous"
thenyoumight
havea bitoftrouble
fittingin-at first.
Persevere.
Again,
Thaisarefriendly,
welcoming
people,
andthequeergirls
therecertainly
are
noexception!
If you
wanta reallook
intothelifeofThai
toms,pickupa copy
ofThailand's
only
lesbian
magazine,
@tomact.Themag
iswrittenalmost
entirely
inThai,but
theaddresses
of
coolplaces
to goare
easyto spot.And
thephotographs
are
worththeprice.
Thai delights (from
left): International
Women's Partnership for Peace and
Justice Retreat
Centre and Homestay in Chiang Mai;
Elephantstay's
Ewa Narkiewicz
(right) and Michelle
Reedy; Juicy 4 You
Juice Bar in Chiang
Mai; the author
poses on a
stone wall
been thoroughly renovated. Snorkel, play
gol£ canoe through caves, have a suit made,
take a Thai cooking class-everything is at
your fingertips in Phuket, only a short flight
from Bangkok.
Ulf Mikaelsson has run Connect
Guesthouse in the heart of Phuket's queer
quarter, Patong, for 11 years. "We say that
Connect is gay but straight-friendly, and of
course we include lesbians in this statement;'
Mikaelsson says.
Connect is a great place to meet people,
as is Mikaelsson's weekly boat tour to Kai
Island, a small island off Phuket. "We have
been doing this tour for 10 years, basically
every week all year round;' he says. Up to
130 people can turn up, so it's impossible not
to make some new friends. 'J\nd it's still the
only weekly tour for gays and lesbians in all
of Southeast Asia;' Mikaelsson adds.
What about his Phuket nightclub recomm ndationsr "The more popular places are
• Club and the Boat Bar;' he says. His pick
r a night out is Angel of Kata, a lesbianr taurant and bar with a pool table
and En lish- peakin ta.ff.
P tta , Thailand'
th r major queer• tion has a wellfo
tir d and
th
d tinaen ee.king
Thai ladi -
Bars& Restaurants
the sex trade is roaring. But this grittiness
makes Pattaya a really interesting destination, especially since 2009 is a Pattaya Gay
Festival year and there are heaps of events
planned. While many of them are aimed at
gay men, lesbians have not been forgotten.
Check pattayagayfestival.com for updated
programming.
GUIDED
BYGAYS
If all this is just too confusing, consider
taking an organized tour. Unfortunately, the
only lesbian-owned tour company closed
last year, so the best option is the Canadian,
gay-owned and -operated OUT Adventures.
This group's eco-friendly philosophy allows
only 12 travelers on any one tour and favors
small, locally owned hotels and restaurants
to maximize the chance to interact with local
communities. It also operates LGBT family
tours and, next year, will operate womenonly tours.
Life partners and cofounders Robert Sharp
and Steven Larkins are really passionate
about offering ethical tours for Westerners.
"We decided that somebody needed to offer
gays and lesbians an affordable, authentic
travel experience;' Sharp says. "Not only do
our trips leave some spending money in your
pocket, but they also take the worry and
hassle out of planning a vacation:' ■
YOGASENSE
en-akard
Road,
Sathorn,
Bangkok
a nse-bkk.com
aya
EN'S
CEANDJUSTICE
P
e
From
$999pp'
A IL MA RY
WHAT A PLACE
Searching for a miracle in Lourdes,
France. By Kelli Dunham
eather and I were not typical pilgrims at Lourdes, but sometimes you've got to throw caution to the winds and live a
little. And by that I mean fly 15 hours on a cut-rate international airline that doesn't even serve water without a sizable
bribe, then take an eight-hour train ride that involves three
transfers in as many different small French towns, then continue 40 minutes in what the guidebooks euphemistically
call a "shared rural taxi situation;' because the sharing in
question involves both people and livestock. But you do all
this when the goal is to find a miracle cure for your partner
who has cancer.
Lourdes, France, is a holy place for Catholics because in the
mid-19th century a teenage girl named Bernadette Soubirous
reportedly saw the Virgin Mary on 18 separate occasions.
Now, of course, that girl is known as St. Bernadette. After a
number of other miracles allegedly occurred there, it became
a shrine for millions of devout Catholic pilgrims-millions of
devout Catholic pilgrims, that is, and us.
Neither my partner Heather (whom I referred to as "my
queen;' before she passed away) nor I were practicing; however, we did call ourselves ironic Catholics-in a completely
unironic way. But when it comes to a miracle cure, you seek it
where you can get it. If someone had politely (or even not so
politely) suggested that Heather would be A-OK if we swam
naked together in a vat of whale feces, or fashioned ourselves
48
Icurve
matching butt plugs of ginger that we were to wear while singing the national anthem at a Cubs game, we would have given
it some serious thought, too.
This is how we came to be walking hand in hand in an
after-dark, thousands-of-lighted-candle-strong procession to
honor the Virgin Mary, among the sainterazzi of all Europe
and beyond, attempting to keep up with the rosary in French
and feeling-as my queen said later-profoundly queer.
True, Heather and I would never be mistaken for people
who fit in, even within our own national borders. She was an
activist and burlesque diva, and often made total strangers
gasp with her sheer glamour-even when coming back from
the gym. There was a rumor going around San Francisco that
she peed glitter, but because she would only say that it "brings
a whole new meaning to the term golden showers'" -this was
never confirmed. As for me, on a good day I look like a cross
between Dennis the Menace and Miss Hathaway from the
Beverly Hillbillies. And at that point it had been a very long
time since I'd had a good day.
We didn't have a big plan for our trip, at least not in the usual
touristy way. We were skipping museums and monuments
in exchange for a miracle. Since the usual miracle-seeking
path involved a dip in the sacred pools that have collected from
the spring that Bernadette discovered, visiting it was our only
agenda item for the next day.
0
§
~
a.
~
a.
i
Q
I accompanied Heather to the building where volunteers
helped pilgrims lower themselves into the 60-degree pools
then stood there awkwardly for a moment, stuck for something to say.
"Good, uh, luck;' I said, but she was already in the door.
I waited outside, reclining on the warm lawn and playing
a game of Spot the Nun. After what seemed like a very long
while, I felt a few drops of water on my face and turned to my
right. The spray was coming from Heather, towering over me
and shaking. She had obviously had quite a cry. This did not
seem like a positive sign.
She spat, "Jesus Christ, they didn't even have any towels!"
I countered with a tentative,"So, um, how do you-feelt
"The same;' she said, and then, after a moment, added, "but
colder. Much colder:'
We had long ago learned that when the situation was very
bad, my tendency was to try to overcome it with the sheer
quantity of words I would level at it. I had, therefore, been
advised by Heather that the only phrase permitted in such
situations was a simple 'Tm sorry:'
'Tm sorry;' I said, getting up.
She was silent for a moment, took my hand and said, "I
know:'
We walked back toward the hotel and Heather sent me to
get some food. This was easier said than done, since Heather
was practically eating a vegan diet at the time, and we were in
rural France. I returned to the hotel two hours later with the
only non-meat, non-cheese food item I could find: a medium
size bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.
"I only found ... " I began to say, but she waved me away
with, "Just. Whatever. I'm hungry. Set the table and we'll eat:'
Ten minutes later, she was glaring at me across the potato
chip-laden table. We both reached for the bag, and then collapsed into laughter.
"Goddamn, this trip sucks!" I said, between guffaws.
"It sucks ass;' she agreed.
The next morning at the train station, I went to check
on our luggage, once I saw that Heather was safely aboard.
Unfortunately, I didn't note the track number, so after I completed my errand there was a frantic 10 minutes of searching
for the right train. If Heather hadn't leaned out the open door
and waved to me, I might still be standing on that platform.
An American tourist, who was sitting across from us and
had been watching our little comedy play out, said, in an exaggerated California surfer boy accent, "Dude, it's a frickin'
miracle you all found one another:'
Heather ruffled my newly sweaty hair.
She said, "Yeah, that is our frickin' miracle;' and kissed my
cheek as I sat down. ■
Whether you're going scuba diving on the Great Barrier
Reef or just taking a road trip with your girlfriend,
recording your adventures will allow you to revisit them
when you're too old and gray to remember
anything without a little help. That makes
Everywoman's Travel Journal (Ten Speed
Press) the perfect travel companion.
Haven't been keeping a journal since you
were 12? Don't worry-the travel journal
includes helpful tips on how to begin filling those pages and hints from novelist
Barbara Kingsolver on different ways to
record your experiences. It also includes
useful stuff like packing checklists, natural
remedies for common ailments like jet lag
When it
comes a to
miracle cure
you seek it
where you
can get it.
If someone
had politely
(or even not
so politely)
suggested
that Heather
would be
A-OK if we
swam naked
together
in a vat of
whale feces
we would
have given
it some
serious
thought,
too.
and hangovers, a place to record your travel itinerary
and important contact information, lists of languages
and currencies used around the world, time zones
and maps, addresses and contact information for U.S. embassies and tips on
etiquette, body language and dress in
forei_gncountries (in Iceland, for example,
tips can be considered insulting). While it
doesn't come with any blank pages for the
artistic lezzies among us, it does have an
accordion pocket to hold small keepsakes
like ticket stubs, post cards or that napkin
the hot Parisian chick passed you with her
phone number scrawled on it. ($13, tenspeed.com) [ArielMessman-Rucker]
September 2009
I49
Hot springs and hotter nights in
the Arctic. By Rachel Shatto
estled in a vast landscape of rugged volcanic rock, and under
a cloud,like blanket of steam, the Blue Lagoon is an other,
worldly Icelandic oasis. Created from the geothermal runoff
of the Svartsengi Power Plant-which
towers ominously
over the lagoon-this man,made hot spring has become one
of Iceland's most popular tourist destinations, and with good
reason. Not only is it supernaturally beautiful-it's good for
the complexion, too.
In the past, references to Iceland may have conjured up
visions of Bjork in a swan dress and tall blond people dining
on fermented shark, but with its newly elected, out lesbian
prime minister, Johanna Sigurdardottir, Iceland has shot
straight to the top of the list of must,visit vacation destina,
tions. Alchough same,sex marriage is still under review by
the government, queer couples currently enjoy equal access to
adoption, IVF and surrogacy. And Icelandic gays and lesbians
are also allowed to serve openly in the military. But, politics
aside, no trip to gay,friendly Iceland is complete without a dip
in the Blue Lagoon.
The water is a light blue,green and is so iridescent that
it appears to be lit from below. It gets its trademark color
from a mixture of silicate, minerals and blue,green algae, all
of which are good for the skin and leave the bather feeling
silky smooth.
Located 20 minutes from Keflavik Airport and 45 min,
utes from Reykjavik proper, the Blue Lagoon is the perfect
place for a stopover on your way to departures-or
a soothing
remedy for the torments of a lengthy inbound flight.
For those of you who, like me, thought a trip to the
so I curve
Arctic precluded the need for a two,piece, there is no need
to miss out on the fun. A rental suit and towel will run you
$6 each (and you thought bowling shoes were personal).
Rental swimwear may sound a bit creepy, but you can't beat
the price! For those feeling a little squeamish about flaunting
their stuff in an unflattering, ill,fitting, rented bathing suit,
fear not-the
waters of the lagoon are opaque, so even if
The water is a light blue-greenand is so
iridescentthat it appears to be lit from
below. It gets its trademark color from a
mixtureof silicate,mineralsand blue-green
algae,all of which are good for the skin
and leavethe bather feelingsilky smooth.
you aren't looking your best, no one will know the differ,
ence once you're submerged.
After the mandatory pre,dip shower, you are free to head
out to the lagoon. The shower, while not for the faint,of,
public,nudity heart, is one of the many ways in which the
lagoon is kept clean. In addition, the water is tested daily for
numerous micro,organisms and is also completely renewed
every 40 hours.
Having survived the shower and rented the suit, it's time
for you to reap your reward: For a mere $36, visitors can float
their cares away with a 20,minute massage in 104,degree
Fahrenheit luxury. If that's not enough pampering, they also
offer a variety of tempting spa treatments-all
while you
float in the restorative waters of the lagoon. I suggest the
silica massage for two, so that you and your special lady can
luxuriate side by side.
For the more DIY-inclined, placed strategically around the
lagoon are buckets full of silicate mud to use as an impromptu
facemask. It works wonders, but be warned: Don't rub. Place
it gently on your face and let it dry, or you may end up looking like your aesthetician is part mountain lion.
After a swim (and a second round of mandatory showers),
you may be feeling a bit peckish. Fortunately, the lagoon has
both a cafe and the Lava Restaurant. Built into the side of a
di.ff, the restaurant boasts a wall made of volcanic rock and a
viewing deck perfect for sipping cocktails while looking out
over the water.
The Blue Lagoon also offers a gift shop featuring the
spa's entire product line, made of the silicates found in the
lagoon itself, along with all the routine gifts and novelties
for tourists.
While accommodations are available at the lagoon, to
get the full Iceland experience a stay in the capital city of
Reykjavik is a must. The family-owned 4th Floor Guesthouse
is centrally located near art galleries and cafes, but most
importantly, it is within stumbling distance of the clubs.
The rooms are decorated in minimalist style, with hardwood
floors and animal print duvets; and the mattresses-well,
they can't be beat. After a long night of techno and Brennivin
shots ( the deceptively smooth signature alcoholic beverage of
Iceland, also known as Black Death), the beds are soft, fluffy
and oh-so-inviting.
The Blue Lagoon is like no other place you've been. With
its lunar-like setting and incandescent water, it-like much
of Iceland-leaves you with the sense that you have not just
visited another country, but another planet. ■
IT'S HARD NOT TO LOVE CIRQUE DU SOLEIL
I'm notwhatyou'dthinkof as"aVegas"
person.
I don'tgamble.
I don'tloveneonor glitzor even
buffets.Butlikea lotof SinCityvisitors,
I go
fortheshows,mostoften,a CirqueduSoleil
show.ThereareCirqueshowsplayingaround
theworld;sixof themin LasVegasrightnowat
differentdestination
hotels:OattheBellagio,
partof it isthatit's unabashedly
homoerotic,
trans-friendly,
delightfully
Sapphic,
andintenton
engaging,
titillatingandshocking
theaudience
withsomeboundary
pushing
sequences
that
involve
S/M,fetishes,
aquaphilila,
multiracial
libidinism,
bondage
andevenfemaleaerial
acrobatic
autoerotic
asphyxia.
(Even
I wasrather
one,twowomencontortionists
glidethrougha
giantfishbowl,
movingin andoutof it atopeach
other.Thefluidmovements
andthesensuality
of
thewholesceneisjaw-droppingly
breathtaking.
Inthenextvignette-themostcontroversial
sequence,
whichhasbeenreportedly
toned
downbecause
somanyaudience
members
KAat theMGMGrand,CrissAngelBelieveat
theLuxor,Mystere
atTreasure
Island,andThe
Beatles
LOVE
at theMirageand,myfavorite,
Zumanity,
at NewYork-New
York.
Zumanity
is a provocative
cabaret,
sortof a
liveeroticartshowthat'sbothplayfulandtastefullyforbidden
(atleastforstraightAmerica)
and
thankfully
nothingliketheglitzytoplessnumbers
madefamousbyShowgirls.
Andthebest
shocked
bythelatter,thoughit wasmonths
beforeDavidCarradine's
death.)
Theshowbeginslikeanoldtentcircus,
witha manandwomanintroducing
viewers
to
thehedonistic
natureof Zumanity,
witherotic
queriesandsextoyssortof lobbedat audience
members,
whiletheuptightstraightguyssquirm
andlookpanicked.
Twoqueeractsareworthyof specialnote.In
walkedout-two men(oneblack,onewhite)
areconfined
in a cage,expressing
passion,
love,
angerandragethrougha primalgaytango.
Sucha multi-layered,
decadent
workcallsfor
a muchlongerdescription,
butI don'thavethe
spacehere.I'mgoingbackto Vegas,
for another
showandanother
chance
to playvoyeurbehind
thegreendoorof MiddleAmerica,
gambling
be
damned.
[DianeAnderson-Minshall]
September 2009
I51
Stuck,in
a :!vliddfe
P,astern
C[oset
The L Word!"my girlfriend, Jamie, exclaimed. "What?
·ed scanning the shelves of DVDs, half wanting to
e store might have The L Word and half knowing she
must be joking. However, we had just rented The Wire, which has a
lesbian main character, so I thought, Hey, anything is possible.
But after a couple of seconds, I turned and saw Jamie giggling.
Realizing I'd been had, I gave her a little shove and laughed, too.
My girlfriend lives and works in the United Arab Emirates
(U.A.E.), one of several Islamic countries in the Middle East that
has laws imposing the death penalty for "homosexual activities:'
While laws and cultural conventions surrounding homosexuality vary
throughout the Muslim world, only a few Muslim scholars have challenged the interpretation of the Quran that condemns homosexuality.
Instead, the discussion usually revolves around the degree of punishment and what constitutes a homosexual act. In fact, Jamie (not her
real name) was reluctant to have me write about our experiences and
she asked that I not name the city she's living in, because of the possible repercussions.
In 2004, Irshad Manji, an out lesbian, sent ripples through the
Muslim world when she wrote The Trouble with Islam Today: A
Muslim's Call for Reform in Her Faith, questioning whether the
Quran does, in fact, state that homosexuality is a sin. As a result
of her challenge to Muslim convention, she has received numerous
death threats.
52 I curve
Despite these factors, a large number of gay, lesbian and bisexual
professionals, including Jamie, have flocked to the U.A.E. because
jobs are plentiful and salaries can be double what they are back home.
Lesbians can be found in a variety of powerful positions all over the
Middle East-one woman works for a royal family, another is a key
government figure and yet another is a frequent consultant to top
policy players. But all lesbians living in the U.A.E. have to lead a closeted life or risk losing their jobs ( a given), going to jail (likely) or being
sentenced to death (a real threat).
As I packed for my first trip to visit Jamie, I sorted through my
clothes, debating over which ones looked too butch and which ones
made me look too femme. Although my girlfriend is definitely femme,
making it easier for her to blend in, I am definitely not. I found myself
in a catch-22 because I tend to look more femme when I wear tightfitting clothes, but those are seen as a sign of disrespect to Muslim
culture. Needless to say, I found part of myself wishing I could wear
the local dress so that I could hide my butch-isms.
Most women in the U.A.E. follow Islamic custom and wear long
black robes and veils. Although the traditional Emirate veil is a mask
that covers the eyes, part of the cheeks and the nose, today most
Emirate women wear a simpler version of the veil instead. Some
veils cover the face fully, while others leave a small slit for the eyes.
Some women just wrap the cloth around their heads, covering only
their hair. Men dress in long white robes called dishdasha,which
:,::
0
~
2<!
~
:r:
(/)
~
o
somehow never seem to wrinkle or get dirty. They wrap their
heads in a checkered cloth called a qutra. Most wear sandalsfrequently with heels that are so high they resemble those worn
by Western women. Aviator sunglasses are a frequent accessory
for both women and men: The enormous pictures of the royal
family posted around the city even show them donning the
ubiquitous shades.
When I arrived at the airport for my first visit, I searched
the mostly black~ and white~headed crowd at the customs exit
for my girlfriend's red hair. When we spotted each other, she
gave me a tight hug, holding on extra long, but we couldn't risk
a kiss until we were in the darkened car-and even that was a
bit gutsy.
The first night was spent consciously dodging the open win~
dows of her apartment whenever we were affectionate toward
each other. In the following days, I found myself becoming more
and more lonely because, in many ways, I could not be myself. I
missed being able to take Jamie to a club to hold her a~d dance.
And I missed being able to hold her gaze wherever I went. Even
Jamie's friends-including
the ones from the United Statesdon't know that she is bisexual, because the risk is too high.
Although there is no evidence that anyone has been put to
death recently for homosexual acts in the U.A.E., in 2005 a
group of 22 gay men were arrested in a hotel room in Dubai
while having a private wedding celebration. The police deported
all the foreigners but sentenced the local men to prison. These
men were offered the option of undergoing male hormone injec~
tions and psychiatric treatments to "correct" their gayness in
return for a lighter sentence. The incident was reported in the
international news, but details were scarce and contained no
mention of public outrage in the U.A.E. that the men had been
arrested for homosexual activities.
As Jamie commented, "Tuey have numerous Matthew
Shepards but no shocked community. There is even a heart~
sinking absence of negative remarks about gays or lesbians:'
While I was there, a straight colleague of my girlfriend's
who has been in the country for over six years commented off~
handedly, "You know, it's not really as bad as everyone makes it
out to be. People think that everyone here is put to death, but
the reality is that there is an active, thriving gay community. It's
just don't ask, don't tell:' But, as my girlfriend put it, she has, "no
idea how to find that community because I am too afraid to ask
anyone about it:'
Later on, Jamie did meet a lesbian couple. Over coffee, she
asked them about gay politics in the U.A.E., but they both
responded to her questions with "disappointing blank stares;'
not having anything exciting to report. On another occasion, she
joined a few of her friends in an underground gay club in Dubai.
Although there were a lot of people bumping up against each
other and hugging, no one dared to kiss.
With so many things changing in the region, maybe the
endemic homophobia will change, too. And, while I won't hold
my breath, I am considering bringing some butch clothes back
with me on my next visit-if for nothing else than to make Jamie
laugh and remind her of the community she misses. ■
Armedwithspunkand
a pairof lace-upboots,
PadmaGovindan
tacklesqueerIndia.
By KristenV. Brown
s committed suicide in 2008, the LGBT commuservative Indian state of Tamil Nadu was outraged.
, partners for 10 years, had been forced apart by their
famili
ithout resources or options, they saw no other choice but
to die, clinging to each other as they burned.
Enter Padma Govindan, a discrimination-fighting, resourceproviding Indian American activist in tall, lace-up boots and artitude to
match. In 2007, Govindan cofounded the Shakti Center in Chennai
(Tamil Nadu's capital) with a mission statement promising to bring
out into the open what is usually discussed behind closed doors
(namely, sex).
Hailing from New Jersey, Govindan, 25, (who has Tamilian parents), did a lot of queer activist work while studying at Middlebury
College, but first became aware that Chennai needed a forum for
sexual minorities-and
sex in general-when she moved there after
college to work as a domestic violence counselor.
"I met all these people in Bombay [now Mumbai], and talked to
all these organizations in Delhi, doing all this intellectually and academically rigorous work on sexuality;' she says. "I kind of thought
Chennai would be the same, and it just wasn't:' So, Govindan and
a couple of friends decided to start the Shakti Center themselves.
Two years later, she's still there, educating the community, making
54
Icurve
people uncomfortable (she says her family in India has "thrown their
hands up in the air;' having accepted that she's "the weird one in
the family")-and generally kicking butt as Chennai's own activist
superhero.
The center's raison d'etre is to open up dialogue about sexuality-in
India sex of any kind, let alone queer sex, is still a taboo subject. They
hold film screenings, lectures and art shows; host support groups
for the queer community; facilitate a once-a-week help hotline and
teach sex education and empowerment to local 10th grade girls. In
the works is also an initiative for one-on-one peer counseling for the
local queer community.
And, on top of all that, Govindan writes a rather controversial
sex advice column, "Indian (Queer)ies;' which just went big timemoving from a local paper to Marie ClaireIndia. Govindan admits
that "85 percent of the questions are about masturbation, and from
teenage boys;' but often, she says, they publish much heavier hitting
questions on topics like incest and coming out.
One of the center's increasingly more important goals is to reach
out to the lesbian community, a community that, in India, is often
even more marginalized than either the gay or the transgender community. The Shakti Center is the only real resource for lesbians in the
whole of Tamil Nadu, and one of only a handful in all of India.
~
~
g
~
-
---
-----------------------------------
1
"HIV is the main discourse for discussing sexuality in
Sangama, an LGBT organization that runs India's
LOOK FOR
India. So men have new space to talk about sexual desire,
MORE INDIA
only shelter for women of sexual minorities.
COVERAGE IN
but women were never seen as part of that whole fram~
Likewise, even in Kerala, perhaps India's most
AN UPCOMING
ing [of HIV];' explains Govindan. Gay women are also
liberal state, where fellow activist Deepa Vasudevan
ISSUE!
often left out of the discussion of Section 377-the out~
runs India's only help hotline intended co reach gay
dated British penal code that prohibits gay sex and is cur~
women exclusively, the majority of the calls still come
rently under review by the Delhi High Court-because
the
from men.
law isn't seen to apply to them.
"We are still struggling with how to reach lesbian women,
"Our biggest question has been, How can we talk to woment
especially the Tamil~speaking;' says Govindan. "There are a lot of
explains Govindan. "We don't want to be just another organization
consequences for women who want to talk about sex. They are
only associated with gay men:'
silenced:'
Gay women are even harder to gain access to because women are
Women are often pushed into marriage and forced to stay in it,
often already a marginalized group.
especially in conservative areas. But Govindan sees hope.
"It's harder to reach out to women because they are invisible, and
"All of us know women informally who identify as queer, but they
the issue is invisible. It just hasn't gained enough publicity compared
don't want to come to a meeting. They're really, really scared;' she
to those affected by HIV," says Sumathi Murthy, the director of
says. "But getting them through our door is half the battle:' ■
REVIEWSMusic Watch
Soul Sisters
Listen to these smokin' soulful sounds this September. By Margaret Coble
Abnormally
Attractedto
Sin,ToriAmos(Universal
Republic
Records):
Formore
than15years,this stunning
ginger-haired
chanteuse
has
beenputtingoutalbumsand
reinventing
heridentitywhile
still maintaining
a soundthat
is quintessentially
Tori.This
timearound,hercrystalline,
achingvocalsarepairedwith
plentyof the mid-songtempo
andmoodswingsthat have
cometo represent
Amos'signaturestyle."Give"and"That
Guy"aretrip-hopballads
thatbringto mindthe best
of Portishead,
andthe most
single-friendly
cut,"Police
Me,"hasan industrialedge
reminiscent
of earliercollaborationswith NineInchNails'
TrentReznor.
There'snodoubt
thatfansof Amoswill besatisfiedwiththis latestedition,
particularly
sinceit's available
for freeon herMySpace
page,
thoughnewcomers
maywant
to warmupto herinnovative
andfrequentlydiscordant
stylewitha moreuser-friendly
album-maybeUnderthe
Pink.(universalrepublic.
com)
[RachelShatto]
56
Icurve
With a mix of old- and new-school stylings, vocalists
Stephanie McKay, LaKisha Jones and Teena Marie
are scorching the microphone with their soulful
sounds.
you singing and bouncing along. Alternately romantic
throw-back and block party, Tell It Like It Is does it
all, and well. (muthas.co.uk)
So GladI'm Me, LaKisha
Jones(EliteMusic}:Though
TellIt like It Is, Stephanie
McKay(Muthasof Invention): LaKisha wasn't my favorite contestant on the sixth
I first heard this Bronx-bred diva with the Brooklyn season of American Idol (I was a Melinda Doolittle
Funk Essentials in the '90s. With her luscious voice fan), this debut album has really won me over. While
( think Jill Scott or Sharon Jones), a hybrid soul-funkoften put in the same category as classic R&B and
hip-hop sound that bridges the decades between the gospel icons like Patti LaBelle and Yolanda Adams,
'70s and now, and eloquent lyrics that deal with the Jones has one of those versatile, soulful voices that
socio-political realities of today, McKay might just
can handle anything, and So Glad I'm Me does a
be my favorite new artist. This recent
great job of showing it off while
12-song album is her second full-length
remaining very genuine. There are
effort (her debut LP came out in 2003,
the obligatory stabs at commerwith an EP follow-up in 2006). From
cial radio, like the hand-clapping
the opening tide track, which bears
bumper "Let's Go Celebrate;' but
witness to some harsh realities of life in
many tracks offer a fresh, downmodern-day Harlem, to the funky greed
to-earth
(not over-produced)
critique "M.o.n.e.y.;' to the nostalgic
quality that's sorely lacking in con"Jackson Avenue;' the most commercially
temporary R&B. The title track
appealing cut with its loping hip-hop
posits her as the newest Mary
LaKis~aJones
beats and lighter mood, McKay keeps
J. Blige, while she also adeptly
~
6
::3~
~
~
~
jco
u
6
w
tti:
~
I
fif
0
f
§
g
~
~
tackles Whitney Houston's "You Give Good
Love:' The autobiographical "Grateful" and
a sweet ode to her daughter, "Beautiful Girl;'
stand out to me as speaking straight from her
heart. This is simple, well-produced contemporary urban fare. (elitemusicllc.com)
Congo
Square,
TeenaMarie(Stax):It takes a lot
of guts for a white singer-songwriter to name
her album Congo Square-after the historic
New Orleans site where African slaves were
allowed to gather to worship, often cited as
TrioB.C.
Nightof 1000Stars
Girlin a Coma
BlameSally
{OpusMusicVentures) {Blackheart)
Fallingsomewhere
betweenthe Dixie
Chicksandthe Indigo
Girls,SanFrancisco's
favoritefemalefolk-·
popquartetreleases
a sparklingnew
12-trackset featuring
the swirling,Middle
Eastern-flavored
"VeraChiesa"and
the slideguitarand
finger-pickin'fest
"Hurricane,"
among
manyothermelodic
winners.(opusmusicventures.
com)
the birthplace of jazzbut if anyone can get
away with it, the saucy
R&B-soul singer known
as "Lady Tee" can. A
mainstay in the African
American music scene
since her 1979 debut on
Motown Records, and a
renowned protege of Rick
James, Marie just released
the 13th album of her 30year career, a jazzier but still solidly R&B set
that features collaborations with rapper MC
Lyte ( the funky "The Pressure") and Faith
Evans ("Can't Last a Day"), among others. At
53, the selfproclaimed"Ivory Queen of Soul"
can still kick it old-school, and quite well;
"Baby I Love You" and "Ear Candy 101" are
sexy slow grooves, while "Harlem Blue" and
"The Rose 'n Thorn" add horns and an extrajazzy flair. Turns out, Marie just discovered
her family tree has roots in New Orleans,
so the album's tide and jazzy excursions are
even more fitting. (concordmusicgroup.com)■
Sonic Comic
"Everything in the song is absolutely
true, unfortunately;' comments this
singer-songwriter-comedian and selfdescribed Britney Spears body double
about her tune ''I'm a Middle Aged
Woman:' And, given the number
of online spin-off fan videos, Lisa
Koch's
brand of absurd confessional
comedy is clearly resonating with
millions of fans.
Known for her warped humor in songs
like "The Carpenters: Uncomfortably Close
to You" and "Ham for the Holidays: Swine,
Women and Song," Koch is well-loved in her
home city of Seattle, and a favorite on Olivia
cruises as well as at theaters and festivals all
over the United States.
'Tm a Middle Aged Woman" was written in 2005 for a one-woman show called
Return to Planet Lisa. "I noticed that my
comedian friends of a certain age were
working their own hormonal experiences
into their acts. We all would compare stories. After laughing my ass off with [lesbian]
comic Michele Balan-the most bizarre
hot-flash stories I've ever heard-I wrote
the song;' Koch recalls.
It wasn't long before it was being passed
around cyberspace as a song file, then as a
video. ''A couple of those videos went viral,
and it was nutzo. One video had 3 millionplus views;' says Koch." [There are] drag
TheFutureWillCome TVIs MyParent
queens and housewives lip syncing to it, lesSia
TheJuanMaclean
bian line dancers dancing to it-it was even
(Monkey
Puzzle/Concord)
{DFA)
used as music for a horse reining competition. My family is so proud:'
If youlovedthe Human Thisout,quirkypop
She finally put up her own video
singer'sDVDoffers
League,
Giorgio
(heylisa.com), a performance at out comic
plentyof bangfor your
Moroderor anyother
buck.Notonlydoesit
'80ssynth-pop,
The
Vicki Shaw's birthday party that has garfeaturea liveconcert
JuanMaclean(aka
nered a mere 16,000 hits. It shows a glimpse
in the HirnBallroom
JohnMacleanand
of her other work, too, including shots of
from2008(digthe
NancyWhang)
will
her in a nun's habit, as Xena, as a hippie and
glow-in-the-dark
workyouout.From
decked out in male drag.
costumes
onthe
thetribal-sounding
Is it mostly"women of a certain age" who
openingnumber),
but
bangsandfeedback
love the song? "It really strikes a chord with
alsoseveralmusic
interludes
of thetitle
women, but it definitely crosses boundaries.
track,to the Chicago videos,includingthe
The song absolutely makes men laugh ... perhousesynthchordson viralhit "Buttons,"plus
haps simply out of fear;' she jokes.
"OneDay,"the history lotsof footagefromher
Once you've seen her, you won't forget her.
2007NorthAmerican
of dancemusicis
Don't miss a chance to see Koch in action.
tour.And,for thedieencapsulated
in their
But if she's dressed as a nun, don't get too
boy-girlvocalplayand hardfans,hiddenclips
(concordEuro-trash
keyboard throughout.
close. I hear she carries a big ruler. [Jamie
musicgroup.com)
programming.
(dfaAnderson]
TheSanAntonio,
Texas,indierocktrio
whose2007debut,
BothBeforeI'm Gone,
causedsucha sensation,arebackwithan
evenbetterfollow-up.
Workingagainwith
JoanJett,theyare
soundingmuchtighter
andmoremature.The
newalbumfeatures
theirfirst songin
Spanish,
plus13 other
hard-driving
rockers.
LeadsingerNinaDiaz
hasa Morrisseymeets-Siouxsie
voice
that reallymakesthis
band.(blackheart.com) records.com)
September 2009
I57
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Queer Fears
A short story collection turns horror on its head. By Rachel Pepper
BitingtheApple,LucyJane
Bledsoe{Carroll& Graf):
Everybody
wantsa pieceof
EveGlass,asif somehow
all theirdreamscanbe
realizedthroughherlife.Her
highschoolcoachseeshis
futurein Evethefirsttime
hewatchesherrunaround
thetrack.HeturnsEveinto
an Olympic
athleteand
marriesher,thenattemptsto
steerherlifeevenaftertheir
divorce.
Andherpublicist
thinksshecanmoldEve,who
is a successful
writerand
motivational
speaker,
intothe
nextbigthing.Butdespite
everyone's
plans,Eve'slife is
a wreck.Sheobsesses
overa
womanshebarelyknowsandkeepsgettingarrestedfor
shoplifting.
Willsheultimately
beableto findherownpath?
Fewlesbianwritershave
Bledsoe's
giftfor storytelling
anddialogue.
Eachsentence
is meticulously
crafted,and
readlikeminiworksof art
in andof themselves.
The
storyandthestyleall come
togetherbrilliantlyasa strong
andquirkywomanquestions
whatit meansto liveauthentically.(perseusbooks.
com)
[KathyBeige]
tions, our grip on reality and our sense of physical
safety. Kestrel Barnes"'Shark" is the story of the children of a butch-femme couple who live in harmony
This issue, queer tales of the supernatural to spook in the wilderness, until their shark-studying mother
you, and an old fashioned coming-out love story to drowns and an evil new stepmother, who the narrasoothe you.
tor feels is an actual shark, steps onto the scene. Suki
Lee's riveting story "Sido" shows what can transpire
Fist of the SpiderWoman,ed. AmberDawn(Arsenal when a trip to Paris goes scarily awry, and Kristyn
Pulp Press):This short story collection, featuring Dunnion's "Homeland" can best be described as
"tales of fear and queer desire;' is one of the quirkiest
every scorned baby dyke's revenge fantasy spun sideand most enjoyable books I've come across recently. ways. Other standouts are "Conspiracy of Fuckers;'
Here, 15 authors, most lesbian and bisexual, tackle Nomy Lamm's take on phone sex spliced with parathe topic of fear. Bue, instead of rehashing the fear of noia, and Mette Bach's creepy medical story 'J\ll You
crumbling relationships or economic downturns or Can Be:' While some of the stories do have an S/M
even the lesbian-centric fear of vampires, the authors
twist, the predominant theme in the collection isn't
in this collection focus on the kind of fear likely to be sexual. Rather, the stories seem to confront fears that
found in the world of Hitchcock gone.queer.Turning
lurk slightly off the grid, making them all the more
horror on its head, the writers infuse their stories enjoyable to encounter in such a cute little cartoonw
with both the mundane (Michelle Tea's pre- covered package. (arsenalpulp.com)
0
0
viously published "Crabby;' about pubic lice)
LU
-'
fg_
and the supernatural ( the editor's own piece, TheTrouble
withEmilyDickinson,
Lyndsey
D'Arcangeloffi
"Here Lies the Last Lesbian Rental in East (AlphaWorldPress):If you like your lesbian love iE
Vancouver;' about a lesbian ghost spooking stories simple and your endings sweet, then this is ~
a:
a female couple out of their house). The best a book you'll enjoy. Curve contributor and Goldie I()
(/)
stories are the ones in which lines are crossed finalist Lyndsey D'Arcangelo sets the scene at a pri- ::J
-'
>and boundaries are frayed-shattering our emo- vate prep school, where her teenage protagonists are I
(/)
[l_
58
Icurve
Q+A
Susan Smith
Buffalo-based fiction writer Susan Smith
recently published her third book, Put Away
Wet (boldstrokesbooks.com), an erotic tale
of a young butch's exploration of her sexuality. Smith, whose previous novels, including
Of Drag Kings and the Wheel of Fate and
Burning Dreams, addressed gender identity,
is also a cofounder of HAG Theatre, the
first all-lesbian theater company in the
United States. She talks about young
butches, older women and queer
storytelling.
In yourprevious
books,you'veemployedfluidgenderidentities,
butin
PutAwayWet,Joeyself-identifies
as
butch.Tellmeaboutthisshift.
Female masculinity is one of my major
themes, but I wanted to look at a different portion of it. Butch was also one of my
coming-out stages-I began to assess the
are still figuring out who they are and
what they want out of life. This is a classic
girl-meets-girl romance with just enough
twists to keep the breezy plot rolling
along. JJis a kind-hearted jock who writes
poetry on the sly and falls hard for Kendal,
the straight cheerleader she's tutoring in
poetry. It's nice to think that poetry could
be the link that bridges the straight and
gay worlds, and here that idea is used to
its full effect. The text includes some lines
of Dickinson's poetry that, in the context
of the story, are made to look like they've
been written by JJfor Kendal. It's a gamble
to conflate scribbled teeh angst with the
work of one of the best poets of all time,
and it's passable in the plot only because
the book is actually geared for a youngadult audience that possibly won't know
the difference. Unfortunately, the cover
design is lackluster, and may not draw in
the teen readers it aims to reach. Still, it's
a solid addition to LGBT young-adult
lit, and will also be a pleasant beach read
for the adult lesbian audience, who'll find
they're rooting for this fictional couple
on the cusp of a relationship destined for
success. (alphaworldpress.com) ■
idea that butch was a good
thing, a thing with a history
and an identity, or a place in
the community that can be
sexual, positive, respected and
associated with noble and
valid traits. This was something I wanted to explore in
the book.
Whatinterests
youabout
theyoungbutch-older
womandynamicin Put
I've had the great good fortune of being
mentored by a number of profoundly intelligent, committed and passionate old-school
femme women throughout my career,
including Madeline D. Davis (longtime gay
activist and founder of the Madeline Davis
Buffalo Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender
Archives of Western N.Y.],and Margaret
Smith, the founding director of the HAG
Theatre. Because they
influenced me on so many
levels, I wanted to send a
bit of a love letter to that
kind of relationship-for
me, the emotional and
pedagogical content of it
reflects back to Sappho and
ancient Athens, and I like
that dynamic.
Wheredoyouseeyourselfin thelargerworld
of queerstorytelling?
In my 20s, I found myself as a lesbian storyteller. I used my own voice a lot and acted
with the HAG. As I get older, I see myself
as more of a queer storyteller because I
embrace more of the community, and I'm
seeing where gender identity overlaps an·d
intersects. I would love to be remembered
as one of the people from Buffalo in the
literature tradition. [AliciaEler]
A GirlNamed
Charlielester
CarissaHalston
(Aforementioned
Productions)
SoManyWays
toSleepBadly
MattildaBernstein
Sycamore
(CityLights)
AwayWen
Charlieis a Gothteen
tryingto exploresex
andlove.Overtime
shematures-opening
herownbookstore
and
exploring
thewet,wild
worldof sleepingwith
women.Strongfemale
bonds,wittydialogue
andanacutesense
of whatit's liketo be
youngtodaymake
Charliea greatread.
(aforementionedproductions.
com)
[NinaLary]
Dismantled
JenniferMcMahon
(Harpercollins)
Fromthe NewYork
Timesbest-selling
lesbianauthorof
Islandof LittleGirls
comesthis chilling
novelaboutprofoundly
humanpost-college
friendscaughtupin
circumstances
bothof
·theirmakingandway
beyondtheircontrol.
McMahon's
latestis
surelyherbest.It's
grippingandscaryin
so manyways.
(harpercollins.
com)
[DianeAndersonMinshall]
Powder
ed.LisaBowden
andShannonCain
(KorePress)
ThisLambdaLiterary
Awardfinalistoffers
upa thrillingsociopoliticallytransgressive,gender-bending
queernovelabout
life in SanFrancisco.
Frombadsexto vegan
restaurants
to NPR
andtweakingbuddies,
Sycamore's
frenetic
paceandunabashed
solipsismis most
refreshing.
(citylights.com)
[DAM]
Whilesoldierstories
holda hallowedspace
in mediaandliterature,
thevoicesof the
womenwhoserve
areoftensubduedor
drownedoutaltogether.
CainandBowdenmake
a greatstarttoward
remedying
this in their
collectionof poetryand
prose.Thispage-turner
is an insider'slookat
whatit's reallylike
to bea servicewoman.
(korepress.
org)
[Andrea
Millar]
September 2009
I 59
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
SuburbanBlissand Blitzkrie
Watch small town love on the big screen. By Candace Moore
Funin Girls'Shorts2
(Frameline):
Theseven
shortfilmsthatmakeup Fun
in Girls'Shorts2, produced
by Frameline
33,theSan
Francisco
International
LGBT
FilmFestival,
exploretopics
fromactivismto Zulufemale
seduction
andrangefrom
the humorous
to the,well,
mystifying.
Nowon DVD,the
collection's
highlightsinclude
TheVicious
andtheDelicious,
a delightfully
absurd1980s
primetimesoapoperaparody
witha nearlyall-female,
Sapphically-inclined
cast.
It's packedwithover-the-top
melodrama,
badpermsand
enormous
shoulderpads.In
thedocumentary
shortJust
Me?AmyNeil,anoutlesbian,
believessheis the solequeer
memberof herfamily.But
throughthediscovery
of some
antiquephotosanda surprising
interview,Neillearnsshemay
havemorein commonwith
hergreatgrandmother
than
shethought.Theseriescloses
withthe strangelycompelling
Operated
by InvisibleHands.
Twoantiquedollsactoutthe
awkwardness
anddramaof
"the morningafter,"aswell
assomebrief,hotdoll-ondollactionin theformof a
flashback.Barringa few
missteps,
whenseenasa
wholeFunin Girls'Shorts2
makesfor uniqueviewing.
(frameline.org)
[RachelShatto]
60 I curve
Whether you' re a housewife, a teen or a tomboy, discovering same sex desire in small-town circumstances
can feel like a masquerade.
A Village
Affair(Acorn
MediaGroup):
A DVD that will
compliment any library of dyke romantic dramas,
this British import is based on Joanna Trollope's novel
and is set in a stilted English countryside village.
There, gossip spreads with every grocery purchase
and aristocrats rest on longstanding laurels, showing off
wealth with elaborate gardens and black-tie affairs.
Mother-of-three Alice hangs curtains in her ample
cottage and keeps up appearances while recovering
from post-partum depression in this social pressure cooker. She's long ago lost the urge to have sex
with her generic hubby, as well as the will to do what
she loves best: paint. A flirty, red-headed heiress
fresh from New York soon turns Alice's hum-drum
town (and marriage) upside down. At first, Alice
finds Clodagh's wild charm pushy but her husband
is smitten, encouraging the young neighbor to visit
their family home frequently. Begrudgingly allowing Clodagh to help with kids and errands, Alice
can't help but find her companion's bright spirit
contagious. Blocks around physical intimacy and
passionate art-making quickly come unstuck and
Alice must negotiate her love for another woman
with the expectations of upper-crust
family life.
(acornmedia.com)
SheLikesGirls4 (Wolfe):The latest Wolfe collection
of lesbian and proto-lesbian shorts focuses on eight
provocative and darling films about tough girls and
tomboys. Some are quiet, character-driven stories
and others are boisterous or glib-but they all play
well together. Pitstop (directed by Melanie McGraw)
documents the unspoken bonding between a shy girl
stranded at a gas station and a loner who appreciates the kid's love of photography. BabysittingAndy
(directed by Pat Mills) hilariously brings us the
bratty-mouthed chants and curses of a misbehaving tomboy armed with eggs and a water gun filled
with cat pee. This compilation also includes Melange
Lavonne's rap music video "Gay Bash;' a song about
homophobic violence happening to someone you
love. In Don't Mess With Texas (directed by Carrie
Schrader and Tricia Cooke) two sticker-tagging
dykes on a road trip look to reverse-intimidate redneck straights but get schooled in assumptions about
Texan small towns by a local, played by the eversuave handsome punk Silas Howard ( of Tribe 8 and
By Hook or By Crook fame.) Foreign shorts Mars
(German) and PagesOf A Girl (Portuguese) explore
girl love found on the streets and in the stacks,
Q+A
Jenni Olson
A staple of the queer film world for
nearly two decades, Jenni Olson has written
extensively on LGBT cinema including
her book, The Queer Movie PosterBook,
and has made such noteworthy films as
TheJoy of Life and 575 Castro St. She also
co-founded PlanetOut and the Queer
Brunch at Sundance Film Festival. Olson is
the director of e-commerce and consumer
marketing at Wolfe Video and is married to
international gay rights activist Julie Dorf.
Known for her knowledge about the more
adventurous filmmakers of the past, Olson
also sits on the board of the Outfest Legacy
Project for LGBT film preservation.
HowhasLGBT
filmmaking
changed
sinceyou
startedmaking
filmsintheearly-'90s?
There's been a steady progression of complex
and diverse representations of the LGBT
community. The '90s was a particularly
exciting time within queer cinema, a boom
within feature film production. Independent
film production is more exciting than main-
respectively, while I Heart VeronicaMartin
(directed by Sarah Howard) depicts a
high school cr~sh that seems two parts
But I'm a Cheerleader, one part Single
White Female.The standout short of the
bunch is Claudia Morgado Escanilla's
No Bikini, which beautifully captures the
glorious splashing, chicken fighting and
pool racing of swim camp for a confident
flat-chested girl who shuns her bikini top
and passes as a boy. (wolfevideo.com)■
-
-
-
---
~
TOPLESBIAN
FILMSOF201O?
OLSON
TELLSUSTHAT&
MOREATCURVEMAG.COM
stream film and television production in that
filmmakers have more of an opportunity to
express a diversity of opinions.
Howhasit changed
forqueerwomen?
In terms of lesbian filmmaking, they face
similar obstacles as they [always] have and as
any female filmmaker always has. In terms
of sexism, this reflects reality.In terms of
transgender representations, there's been a
significant progress over the past decade or so.
Obviously there's a long way to go. Bisexual
stories tend to be the odd man out.
Howdofilmfestivals
suchasSundance
allow
LGBT
filmmakers
to gettheirworkseen?
Sundance has made a difference in the
distribution ofLGBT film. It's interesting
that Sundance and the Toronto and Berlin
International Film Festivals, the "largest
straight film festivals;'are run by homosexuals.
We have people in high places. [Laughs]
Howdoesa serieslikeTheL Wordpromote
LGBT
images?
The L Word is interesting in that it has pushed
lesbian media visibility into the mainstream in
a tremendous way. Ilene Chaiken has been so
smart in the way she has engaged independent lesbian filmmakers-Lisa Cholodenko,
Angela
Robinson, Rose
Troche-into
the show.
Howdoesthisalterthe"LGBT
narrative?"
Arethereunique
queervoices?
Orare
theyimitating
theheteronormative
paradigms?
It's always the case that you have both things
happening. Many filmmakers are more interested in making a romantic comedy, where it
would normally be a guy and a girl, but making it with two girls.
Hasqueerfilmmaking
changed
sinceProp.8
andMi/K!
The upside oflosing the battle on Prop. 8 is
that people have been more galvanized and
propelled into wanting to make more political
work. There was such a huge immediate boom
in public service announcements leading up
to and after Prop. 8. However, I am aware of
lesbian films finishing up, which will be on the
film festival circuit this summer, and I don't
see them responding to Prop. 8.
Whyit issoimportant
wepreserve
films?
It's particularly helpful to see where we've been
and to experience perspective. [JohnEsther]
,-
'.
.!'a';
~(
TheBabyFormula
(WolfeReleasing)
Drool
(StrandReleasing)
AthenaandLilithare
pregnantwith each
others'babiesthanks
to anexperimental
scientificinnovation
that makesspermfrom
theirstemcells.With
opinionated
families
andrelationship
woes
galore,its nowonder
whythissentimental,
quirky,Canadian
mockumentary
wasa hit at
the Frameline
film fest.
(wolfere/easing.
com)
[RachelBeebe]
Havingretreatedinto
a fantasyworldto
escapeanabusive
marriage,
Anora
receives
a romanticand
life-alterning
wake-up
callwhenImogene,
a
sexywomanmovesin
nextdoor.Whilelight
in toneandmood,
thefilm coverssome
seriouslyheavytopics
rangingfromdomestic
violenceto racismto
rape.(strandrel.com)
[RachelShatto]
:i·•
~
~.
JU:l!f..
OnEachSide
(FirstRunFeatures)
Nollywood
Lady
(WomenMake
Movies)
A short,butsweet
documentary
about
the burgeoning
Nigerian
film industry
knownas Nollywood.
Filmmaker
Dorothee
Wenner
followsPeace
Anyiam-Fibresima,
or
"Nollywood
Lady,"as
shegivesanall access
tourof thefilm industry,whichproduces
1,500moviesa year.
(wmm.com)
[Ariel
Messman-Rucker]
A photographer
returns
to hisArgentinean
hometown
to documentthe construction
of a bridgebetween
VictoriaandRosario,
twotownsperchedon
the banksof the Parana
River.Butasconstruetionprogresses
citizens
onbothsidesstruggle
betweentraditionand
progressin this moving
film,nowon DVD.
(firstrunfeatures.
com)
[NinaLary)
September 2009
/
I61
REVIEW~Tech Girl
Websites Galore
From loving tech, to using tech to find love-and everything in between.
Thanks to the Internet, we now have access to the globe at our fingertips,
but wading through the digital dross is a veritable world wide web of trouble. So this month the techies here at curve are highlighting some of our
favorite sites to help you separate the cyber wheat from the virtual chaff.
SHINYSHINY:
Thereis a seaof technology
outthere-what withallthe mobile
phones,MP3players,computers
andpersonal
massagers
onthe market-andtech
grrlscanonlycoversomuch.Fortunately
forthoseof youwith plentyof techno-lust
butlesstechnoknowledge
thereis ShinyShiny.tv,
theoriginaltechsitewrittenby
womenfor women.Takinga "femalestandpoint
ontheconsumer
technology
world"
thesiteoffersnewsandreviewson"allthingsgadgety."Soif youhaveyoureyeona
newdigitalcameraor aneco-friendly
wind-upvibrator,butdon'twantto plunkdown
yourhard-earned
cashwithouta littleresearch
(orjust dig readingarticlesaboutgadgetsthatarefreeof allthetecho-garble)
theShinyShinyladieshavegotyoucovered.
Thesiteis fun,irreverent
andwrittenin a language
thatis refreshingly
accessible,
by
womenwhoclearlyknowtheirstuff-and withanentiresectiondedicated
to Hello
Kittytech,howcanyounotbein gadgetheaven?
(shinyshiny.'tv)
[RachelShatto]
DOCUBANK:
Forusqueerwomen,it's hardenoughexplaining
to strangers
thatyour"roommate".is actuallyyourpartner,
thatyourchildhasnotone,buttwo mommies
andwhatyour
;,female-bodied,
male-identified
transgender"
boyfriend's
identityreallymeans.Nowtry doingall
of thatwhenyou'vejust beenseriouslyinjuredin a caraccident.DocuBank's
wallet-sized
medicalemergency
cardsensurethatyoucanspendlesstimeexplaining
yoursexualityto a team
of EMTs,andmoretimegettingyourlovedonesandyourselfthe emergency
careyouneed.
Througha clickonthewebor a quickphonecall,DocuBank's
cardsdirectemergency
personnelto a file containing
all of yourrelevantmedicalinformation,
includingyourmedicalhistory,
doctor'scontact,livingwill,organdonationrequests,
nextof kin,burialinstructions
andseveral
emergency
contacts.DocuBank's
websitehasan LGBT-specific
sectionwhichensures
thattheir
serviceswill makeit easierfor partnersto accessyourhospitalroomandthatthe peopleyou
choosewill bespeaking
for youin anemergency.
(docubank.com)
[VanaTallon-Hicks]
DOROTHY
SURRENDERS:
If likeme
you'relookingfor anotherwayto
slogthroughMondays,
howabout
the happyfactthatit's a daycloserto
"TankTopTuesdays."
Thisfeatureon
DorothySurrenders
offershotphotos
accessorized
withwittycaptions
fromAfterEllen
bloggerandsexylady
connoisseur
DorothySnarker.
It's
comforting
to knowthatthissmart,
lustywriteris evervigilantlykeeping
hersweatyfingersonthe popculture
pulseanddeliveringit justthewaywe
likeit, froma gaygal'spointof view.
(dorothysurrenders.blogspot.
com)
[Heather
Robinson]
62
Icurve
THEBRAIN:
Intheoh-so-small,
overlapping
worldof lesbianhook-ups,
all of thatgirl-swappingcanbehardto keep,well,straight.Nowyou
cangetall of yourdykesin a rowwithTheBrain.
Thisvirtualmind-mapping
system,available
for freedownload
ontheweb,wasoriginally
conceived
for business
purposes,
butlooks
remarkably
similarto AlicePieszecki's
OurChart
creation,andfansof TheL Wordaregoingto
find it hardto resistcreatinga hook-upchartof
theirown.TheBrainpromises
to helpyou"see
newrelationships"
and"discoverconnections"
withits easydrag-and-drop
format.Sobesure
to lockdownyourepicenter
statusasmake-out
master,beforea real-lifePapitriesto stealyour
title.(thebrain.com)
[YTH]
LTTR:
If the ltty BittyTittyCommittee
were
to publisha queerfeministjournal,it could
nottop LTTR(Lesbians
Tendto Read).
The
annualcompilation-whichis nowavailableonlineonly-lost a bit on aestheticsby
goingall-digitalbutit's still asenticingas it is
politicallyengaging.
Experimental
in content
andnon-linearin its readingstyle,LTTR
shouldberequiredreadingfor queers,high
schoolstudents-oh,andRepublicans.
Visual
graphicsaremorelimitedonthe sitethanin
the printjournal,butthosethat remainstill
manage
to bothdelightandshockin theircreative,alternative
techniques
that demandyour
attentionlikea loverleft in want.Enlightening,
emotional
andtraumaticexperiences
bleed
throughthescreenandcrashheadfirstinto
the reader.
You'llwantto printout pageslike
ready-made
stickynotesof clever,intelligent
socialjusticepropaganda.
Editorialletters
seethingwith rageadda laughfactorthat
undeniably
sendthisjournalfromthe intriguing
to the must-have
category.Unfortunately,
the
digitaleditionof thisformerlyinfamousprint
journalusedto comecompletewith a limitededitionglovemadefor LTTRby LizCollins,
a setof oraclecoinsby NancyBrooksBrody
anda silk-screened
printfromXylorJane
andGingerBrooksTakahashi-allproducts
you'llhaveto find onyourownnow.(lttr.org)
[Colleen
Mccaffrey]
Aubrey O'Day continued from page 36
Spurred by this conversation, O'Day
And while for many people, getting fired
decided to make some changes in her life. publicly by Sean "Diddy" Combs would be a
She went to college and then into a procareer-ender, for the now-out performer, it's
gram called Semester at Sea, where she just the beginning. "It was [Diddy's) decision
volunteered in Asia and South America.
to fire me, and then it was my decision to see
"I saw how the world has nothing to the silver lining:' And the horizon looks bright
do with me and I'm a very small part and
for O'Day, who is on the cusp of taking her
very insignificant," she says. Her travels
career to the next level, with a reality show on
took her all over the globe, from India
the way, a clothing line about to hit the stores
to Brazil, and allowed her to meet many
inspiring people.
"I met Fidel Castro and got to work
with him, and I met Nelson Mandela.
I met the Dali Lama. I went to the Taj
Mahal, the Great Wall of China, I saw
wonders of the world-and
people that
are wonders:'
She also became an outspoken supporter of LGBT rights and is currently
a part of the No H8 campaign. "I think
a lot of conservative views are wrong. I
think passing Prop. 8 was wrong. I will
openly say that, and openly lose that fan
base, because to me that's what I stand for.
Nobody deserves to not have rights-basic
human rights-in life. It's just ridiculous:' .
However, there is still a touch of the
diva about her, and she unapologetically
make your African dreams come true.
sets her standards high. When curve
Contact us at (707) 467-9676 or
caught up with her she had just received
infota)wildrainbowsafaris.com
the news that she had gotten courtside
www.wildrainbowsafaris.com
tickets to the Celtics playoffs.
"Once you've sat courtside you can't
sit anywhere else;• laughed O'Day. 'Tm
sorry, I'm not going to be like one of those
Hollywood snobs ... but this one I cannot,
I will not sit in the nosebleeds, because I
need to be court center or I will not go. If
I'm sitting in the back, no one is going to
ask me to be courtside again. I'm one of
those valuable celebrities:•
She's posed for Playboy, can cite
a sexual position named after her, if
pressed (Aubrey O'does Dallas, for the
record), and can talk about her naughty
bits over brunch. ("Eight years I've been
bald. I went to the Playboymansion to
meet Hef.. .he has all of these portraits of
these old Playboyspreads. Other women
just '70s-ed out, Farrah Fawcetted hair,
full bush, and I thought it was so sexy.
So I don't know, maybe I'll make a transition, but right now it's bald:')
and a possible book deal in the offing.
"I definitely think I'm one of the most
underestimated people in the industry. People
don't expect much from me. They expect me
to be a hot mess, they expect me to say all the
wrong things and wear the wrong outfits ...
and that's how I like it though, I think it's
really easy to move through the industry as a
woman when you're underestimated:' ■
Fertility and life is the rose. the sublime blossom.
the womb from which all enter the world.
Embrace your magnificent feminine self.
Enjoy family.
Enjoy life.
www.feminineprinciples.com
September 2009
I 63
TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
...
Jae uelineCare
This award-winning wordsmith has us counting the ways we love her. By Andrea Millar
New York Times best-selling author
Jacqueline Carey has legions of fans hooked
on her addictive fantasy epics chock full of
political intrigue, steamy romance and
devilishly
enthralling
characterization.
She is best known for her six-book series
Kushiel's Legacy, and she continues to crank
out the hits. Her latest book, Naamah's Kiss,
revisits the world of her Kushiel's series to
follow Moirin mac Fainche, who has the
ability to summon the nvighlight and make
plants grow at will, as she fulfillsher destiny.
In 2002, she was nominated for a Gaylactic
Spectrum Award for her positive portrayal
of sexuality in the Kushiel universe and the
escapades of its ruling class. That's just one
of the reasons we love her, but let us count
the ways.
1. She createda whole societyfoundedon
lovingwho you want.The citizens of Terre
D'Ange are descended from an angel who
decreed that it was time to "love as thou
wilt." As Carey says, "I loved the idea of a
culture in which sexuality in all its consensual
forms is considered sacred and love is a
divine commandment."
2. She demonstrateshow the personalis
political.Santa Olivia, her dystopian sci-6.
coming-of-age novel, which she describes as
a "post-punk desert border town fable, with
boxing and cute girls in love," depicts what
happens when human rights are sacrificed for
political gain. She pulls issues like immigration, fascism and vigilantism from the headlines and injects them into the plot, and their
effects resound in the struggles of the
lesbian heroine, who also happens to
be part wolf
3. Shewelcomesportraits
andpicturesfromherfans.
Not many best-selling
authors invite readers to
submit their art, but Carey's
website is a testament to
mutual adoration. Carey's favorite? The
64
Icurve
Kushiel's Dart racing lawn mower,
emblazoned with the phrase "love
as thou wilt:'
4. Shewritesbothfemaleand male
characters.
Andshewritesthemwell.
Carey has written from the perspective of characters ranging from a holy
female courtesan to a primeval male
war god-and
she's written each
one convincingly. Although, she
does report that "writing from a
male perspective was a challenge."
5. She bringsthe party.Carey and
some of her friends single-handedly
started a Mardi Gras traditionnow a full-fledged float paradein her tiny hometown of Douglas,
Mich. "The first year, I think we only
had one float-ours, a snow-shovel
brigade, two Elvises and a handful
of bewildered spectators who didn't
understand why we were throwing
beads at them:'
6. Shedoesherresearch.
Although she writes
fantasy, the Jacqueline Carey touch of authenticity comes from hours in the library. She
studied centuries of history to create the
quasi-European world of Terre DJ\nge and,
in her Imriel trilogy Carey was careful to realistically portray the psychology of abuse in
the lead character.
7.Shemaderosetattoos
lookgoodagain.Central
to the complex plot lines of Carey's first books
is a rose tattoo that has been adopted
by swathes of Jacqueline Carey fanspermanencly-to
celebrate their
affinity for her characters. 'Tm honored to have written work that's struck
a resonant chord for so many
readers and inspired artists in
other media;' says Carey.
tion in the budding baby-dyke relationship
between Loup, the heroine, and her curvy
conquest Pilar in Santa Olivia. They gave her
the opportunity to write "a great kissing-inthe-rain scene;' she says.'J\lso, I believe, one of
the only love scenes to incorporate the word
'scamper; which just tickles me;' she adds.
9. Workingat a bookstore
actuallymadeher
wantto write.Her time in London slinging
books for six months after college primed
her to create her first book, Kushiel's Dart, a
runaway bestseller.
10. She'sgot a senseof humor.When a fan
sent her a picture of a red-headed alpaca
nicknamed after one of Carey's characters,
the photo took center stage on her site's
March update. "I cry to update my website
with fun cidbics;' she says. "It's hard to go
wrong with cure critter pies:' Hopefully it
8. She believesin the occasional doesn't gee old after scores of lesbian fans
scamper.Carey found inspirasend her photos of their cats. ■
~
c3
Ir
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09
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SEPTEMBER 2009 VOLUME 19#7
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FRANKLY
SPEAKING
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
SEPTEMBER
2009
J
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 19 NUMBER 7
Publisher and Founder Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Diane Anderson-Minshall
Managing Editor Katie Peoples
Assistant Editor Rachel Beebe
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Music Review Editor Margaret Coble
Web Editor Rachel Shatto
Contributing Editors Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
Editorial Assistants Ariel Messman-Rucker, Yana Tallon-Hicks
PUBLISHING
Oh, Aubrey!
When our editorial team first brought up Aubrey O'Day as a cover girl, I
have to admit I ran to Google, thinking, I'm either too old, too square or not
watching enough reality TV. (Technically, it's all three.) I had to ask mysel£
just who is Aubrey O'Day and why does she deserve to be on the cover of
curve?The latter wasn't an easy answer. We're still debating it, in fact, and we
want to get your take on it. After you read the article, log on to curvemag.com
and tell us if we made the right decision by voting in our online poll.
I'll tell you why we were intrigued. This buzz-worthy musician has
been an activist for marriage equality, gay rights and queer visibility. When
questioned on the red carpet about the "man" in her life, O'Day was quick to
challenge reporters for the heterosexist thinking. Is she gay? Is she bi? Is she
out to titillate and sell herself? That's your call, but we think her outspokenness (and her involvement in the No H8 campaign) proves she's more than
just a shameless self-promoter. She's a queer girl to watch.
This issue also features two very different sections on international issues:
our Global Getaways section and the Middle East and South Asia Insider
Guide. Global Getaways looks at four great travel destinations abroad. The
editors were drooling over the Thailand article, with all the great lesbian hotspots and even a lesbian-run elephant sanctuary. Could it really be that lesbofriendly? There are also travelogues from South Korea, France and Iceland.
In the Middle East and South Asia section, we have dispatches from India,
Pakistan, the United Arab Emirates and Egypt. What struck me about these
two sections was how geographically close together some of the countries
are (Thailand and Pakistan are closer together than New York and Los
Angeles, after all) and yet how seismically different their treatment of lesbians is. Thailand is rather welcoming and safe, while in other countries, like
the U.A.E., being gay is punishable by death.
Here in the United States we have a long way to go toward total equality,
but while we're fighting for marriage rights, women in some other countries
are fighting for their lives-literally. It's a reminder that the fight for LGBT
rights is long from over.
Advertising Sales Diana L Berry, Rivendell Media
Advertising Assistants Hannah Bolton, LaKeisha Hughes
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Photo Editor Hayley McMillen
Production Manager Ondine Kilker
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
Web Producer Nikki Woelk
Photo Assistants Piper Robbins, Kimberly Schumacher
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Kathy Beige, Kelsy Chauvin, Jennifer Corday, Lyndsey
D'Arcangelo, Beren deMotier, Michele Fisher, Tania Hammidi,
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Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Candace Moore, Aefa Mulholland,
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Schenden, Kristin A. Smith, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Robin
Miner-Swartz, Kyra Thomson, Jocelyn Voo, Alison Walkley,
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CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
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Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
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BEING AHEAD OF YOUR TIME IS NEVER EASY. That's why one of our core vaiues is to respect
all people and value their differences. That's being progressive. And as a company, we aim to live
up to our name. We were the first to do things like offer insurance online and the first to let you
compare rates just as easily. Because like you, we believe in change, especially when it's for the better.
See progress at progressive.com/glbt
PROGREIIIVE~
Progressive Casualty Ins. Co. and its affiliates, Mayfield Village, OH. 09P00116.D (04/09)
Features SEPTEMBER
2009
30
Rock-a-bye Baby
What's cuter than your baby? Your baby in
these punk meets rockabilly togs.
32
Aubrey O'Day Speaks Out
Ex-Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day strikes
out on her own and dishes on loving women.
By Rachel Shatto
37
Velvet Counterculture
Looking fi-erce! in New York's queer
underground.
41
She's Got the Look
Britain's Next Top Model's Lisa Fowler on
what's next for this budding lesbian
hottie. By Alicia Eler
52
Queer Life in the Middle East
One intrepid gal explores what life is like for
queers in the United Arab Emirates. Plus,
Egypt gets its first girl-on-girl film. By Geri
Rhodes and Juliet Blalack
54
Lesbian Outreach in South Asia
Indian LGBT rights activist Padma Govindan is
kicking butt and taking names in Chennai. And
Chay magazine is changing the conversation
in Pakistan. By Kristin \I. Brown and Mandy
Van Deven
42
44
48
50
GlobalGetaways
Finding Family in Korea
Looking for inexpensive getaways? Don't
miss the cultural offerings of South Korea.
Dykes in Thailand
Slip away to this queer-friendly paradise.
France the Religious Way
Searching for a miracle in Lourdes, France.
We Heart Iceland's Blue Lagoon
Heating things up in Reykjavik.
page20
page
23
(
survr,,e[)alinO&s
realWP"~
page26
ayst
"I haven'tfallenin lovewith the
personthat has taken my heart
and made me want to be a better
personeveryday. I couldbe happy
marryinga woman."
Aubrey O'Day >> page 32
Glo
et
page32
·1
COVER
PHOTO
BYJUSTINHYTE
41
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Departments SEPTEMBER
2009
A_.
IN EVERY ISSUE
2
10
11
14
16
17
20
28
29
64
Frankly Speaking
Letters
Contributors
2
<t
22
23
Out in Front
24
I Tried It
Top Ten Reasons We Love ...
26
Curvatures
We say adieu to Eve Sedgwick, reach
out to Middle America and tell you why
Obama's on our S-list.
CI
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:.:
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u.
Politics
~
Rediscovering our bodies, and our selves.
a
Dyke Drama
Breaking up is hard to do. But just do it!
-.
56
-
.
Music: Stephanie McKay, LaKisha Jones
and Teena Marie inject soul into our playlist.
58
60
12
Health: Five tips to kick the habit.
2
Cf!
2
~
~
Lipstick & Dipstick
AstroGrrl
Money: How to deal with student debt.
~
What a Lesbian Looks Like
Scene
"
__ • - -
62
Books: We get tingles from Fist of the
Spider Womanand Susan Smith's Put
Away Wet.
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Film: A VillageAffair and She Likes Girls4
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get kudos. Plus, Jenni Olson talks film.
::1
Tech: A rundown of the sites, biogs and lit
journals you should be reading on the web.
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Rodriguez 'round these parts again.
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COMING
UP
From the Editor
,,.
d
I was lucky enough
to be a finalist for
a Lambda Literary
Award this year
for my novel, Blind
Faith. Though I
knew I was heading
to the awards
ceremony in New
York City to lose
to another lesbian
author (I mean,
c'mon-competition
was fierce), I
still reveled in the whole whirlwind
experience, which included a
cross-country flight to Philly, a
drive down the Jersey Turnpike
to stay with our N.Y. contributing
~
editor Stephanie Schroeder in
It's awards season again-find out which queer
leaders have new statues on their mantlepieces.
super-queer Brooklyn, four hours
at the W New York-The Tuscany,
and then cocktail parties, awards
Solid Gold
~
A Lammy Virgin Tells All
2009 Lambda Literary Award-winning author Jenny Block writes about
taking home the gold for her tell-all memoir, Open: Love, Sex, and Ufe
(some curve contributors, like
Jenny Block, won!) and after-
in an Open Marriage.
parties (hanging with the lesbian
board members of the Lambda
~
Foundation). At the ceremony, I
Obama's top environmental advisor, Nancy Sutley, dishes on how green the
White House is-and why she's missing out on the D.C. lesbian dating scene.
was moved most by two pioneers:
Judy Grahn, the grand dame of
~
gay history, who got a standing
was not in attendance because of
a serious illness, but whose essay
may be the last thing I write." It
reminded me how fleeting time is,
and how precious and neccessary
our words are. I hope you enjoy
ours this month.
/JtU-i
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Editor in Chief
s curve
J
Global Getaways Go Further
Our intrepid travel writer, Jen Berkowitz,
takes you on the wonderfully lush road to
Cairns, Australia.
ovation, and Leslie Feinberg, who
was read. It begins with "This
Ecochick Politico
~
Queer Digs
Want to bed down in a beagle-shaped bedroom? Unusualhotelsoftheworld.com shows
you where to find this wacky guesthouse
and many more.
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LETTERS
ally accepted recommendations often
cians suggest that simple and nonresult in potentially adverse effects,
invasive tests like blood tests, EKGs,
including a higher probabilmammograms and DEXA
ity of false-positive results,
scans can be harmful. Quite
which subject patients to
simply, they can't. As nueven further testing, as well
merous studies have shown
Is Cheating Ever OK?
as increased psychological
in recent years, younger
stress. Please consider having
40% Seriously,is this
and younger women are at
beingdebated?
a medical professional screen
risk from breast cancer and
articles that contain medical
osteoporosis.Heart disease
29% No,butI'vestill
doneit
advice. Such measures would
remains the leading cause
promote the health and wellof death among women. The
Yes,if youhave
14% an
being of your readers.
only
way for us to maintain
openrelationship
-Cindy Schorzman, M.D.,
our bodies in a health care
if it's an "acci- system that is predicated
Sacramento, Calif.
6% Maybe
dent"(thingshappen)
much more on the bottom
Victoria A. Brownworth reNo,never,
line than on maintaining
5% no way!
sponds:As an investigativereoptimum health for every
porterfor 30 years, I have nevAmerican
is to be vigilant
if you'rein a
5% Yes,
er written a story that wasn't
and pro-active. I stand by
badrelationship
thoroughly researched. The
the piece. Women need to
Yes,always(as
1% they
data in my article was culled
know
their bodies and seek
sayall is fair.. .)
from interviews with numerphysicians who put their
poll
ous physicians and specialists Accordingto a curvemag.com
care-not allegedcoststo the
(including my own) as well as
healthcaresystem-first.
from studies and research on women's health
from the National Institutes of Health, the Corrections:
American Medical Association, the National The photographer for our July/ August colCancer Institute, the Centers for Disease umn This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Control and a host of other sourcestoo numer- (Vol. 19 #6] was Jill Peters, not Leslie Van
ous to mention. I always worry when physi- Stelten.
Poll
Love From Across the Pond
I have subscribed to curve for quite a few
years now, and it seems appropriate to pass
on to you my heartfelt thanks and congratulations for staying true to my experience of
dykedom. Unlike the British equivalent, you
have managed to speak with sincerity and
verve, educating and entertaining us with
heart. I get a sense of a real community spirit,
rarely in evidence over here, where one could
easily replace the leading lesbian magazine
with 10 other boring, all-style, no-substance
traditional women's magazines.
-Sue Robinson, Somerset, England
Getting the Guidelines Right
I am wntmg regarding Victoria A.
Brownworth's
article "Lesbian
Health
Through the Ages" (Vol. 19 #2]. I usually
very much enjoy your magazine; however,
speaking as a family physician who provides
medical care for college-age students, I am
very concerned about the misinformation in
this article. Ms. Brownworth did not cite any
sources for her 'guidelines" (always essential
in medicine, especially when promoting
guidelines that deviate from widely accepted
standards of care), and many of her recommendations are not endorsed by any major
medical organizations. As a physician, I often
have patients come in requesting that I order
various medical tests based on information
from the Internet and written publications.
These tests are often not indicated and,
indeed, may cause more harm than good.
Performing screening tests that exceed gener-
10
Icurve
And the Autographed
Indigo Girls Album Goes To ...
Congratulations to Tracee Fish, who snagged herself .
an autographed copy of the Indigo Girls' latest album,
Poseidon and the Bitter Bug! For over 20 years, these
out and proud musicians have been thrilling lesbian
audiences around the world. So it's no wonder that their
music has worked its way into all our memories. We asked you to
send in your fondest Indigo Girls memory for a chance to win. Tracee
wowed us with her letter, below. Happy listening, Tracee!
"WhenI first discoveredthe GirlsI was livingin HumboldtCountywith my girlfriend.Wedidn't
havemuchof anythingat the time,beingstarvingstudentsandhavingthreesmallchildren.
Oneeveningwe werewatchingAustinCityLimits.Theirguestswerethe IndigoGirls,Nancy
GriffithandMaryChapinCarpenter.
Fromthat dayon we becamedie-hardfansof all these
women,but the IndigoGirlssangto us of thingsthat we couldidentifywith. Thenmyyoungest,
Eli,startedto losehis speech.It is so crazynowthat no oneknewhe wasautistic.Theonly
timeshe wouldspeakwaswhenI heldhim andstrokedhis hair,andwhenI playedthe Indigo
Girls!Hewouldsingalong.Helovedthe "IndioGrils"-that's what he calledthem.Maybehe
lovedthembecauseI did andhe lovedme.Maybethe kid just hadgreattaste."
CONTRIBUTORS
Props to Our Peeps
Contributing writer Kathleen Bryson,
who wrote about the joys of traveling ;.:;
with her parents and siblings in "Korean
Family Vacation" (page 42), was born and -·
raised in Alaska. She is the author of Mush
(Diva Books) and Girl on a Stick (Suspect
Thoughts), which The Oregonian described
as "a cross between Tom Robbins and Francesca
Lia Block:' Her feature film directorial debut,
The Viva Voce Virus, was released in 2008. She
is in pre-production for her second feature film,
Spaceships Over Corvallis, which she has written and will be directing. She
was selected to attend the prestigious Berlinale Talent Campus 2009 at the
Berlin International Film Festival. Currently, Bryson lives in East London,
where she paints, writes, acts and directs. She digs Chagall, Moomintrolls,
chapchae, Bonobos, Neanderthals and Los Campesinos!-but
not gardens.
f ·
We pride ourselves on having top-notch contributors,
and this summer two of them showed, yet again,
that they've got what it takes. The Keystone Pro
chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists
(SPJ) awarded our political columnist Victoria A.
Brownworth first place for enterprise reporting
for "Hiding in Plain Sight," her four-part series on
homeless teens in Philadelphia, published in the
Philadelphia Gay News.
Brownworth spent over two months interviewing teens who live on the streets and talking to
"It's a common misconception that all personal trainers live like fitness nuns. Most
of us are just people who enjoy working out-and
bossing people around;'
says fitness trainer and editorial assistant HeatherRobinson.While Robinson
specializes in writing about health and
fitness, she also loves writing about gluttony and debauchery. She had a lovely time
at curve and especially enjoyed reviewing a whole stack of self-help booksshe thinks she's all the better for it. Robinson keeps busy training doctors and
scientists at UC San Francisco and writing "fit lit" at workouts£com. When
not writing or working out, Robinson amuses herself by painting things red,
daydreaming about her next latte and watching Gilmore Girls incessantly.
people who work with homeless youth throughout
the country. The series focused on LGBT teens
like Samantha, who identifies as bisexual and was
forced out of her home by her verbally and physically abusive mother. Samantha lives in a shelter,
where she shares a room with five other women who
harass her with homophobic comments and
behavior.
" 'Hiding in Plain Sight' was one of the most
compelling stories I have worked on in years," says
Brownworth. "Spending time on the streets, at
squats and in shelters with these homeless kids and
listening to their stories was an incredibly humbling
and moving experience. Working on this series
made me think anew about the dangerous power
of homophobia and how much damage it can do.
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-- "It's probably no coincidence that the first
Egyptian movie I understood without subtitles had a queer girl in it;' says contributing
writer JulietBlalackabout Bedoon Rekaba, an
Egyptian film she reviews in Egypt Uncensored
(page 53). Blalack is a San Francisco Bay Area
native fresh out of college, who put her journalism career on hold to learn Arabic, and then
put learning Arabic on hold to tour Cairo's
queer scene. After six months in Egypt, she
knows the slang word for a gay cruising area,
but can't read a newspaper. She is sad to admit
that Bedoon Rekaba is a feminist nightmare, but she says she still likes it
because, like the main character, she was once pulled into a Cairo bathroom
by an ultra-femme. Until she speaks like a native, Blalack will be in Cairo,
freelancing and watching way too many Egyptian movies.
It literally is taking away the lives of these kids. As a
community, we should be ashamed. As a nation, we
should be appalled. These are our children, after all.
I am very grateful the SPJ recognized the importance
of both this issue and the lives of these kids. In
honoring my work, they honor them."
Out in Front columnist Sheryl Kay is also celebrating a win. She was awarded a Tampa Dietetic
Association Media Award for her article "Grocery
Shopping 101," which appeared in Florida's St.
Petersburg Times. The piece follows nutritionist and
dietitian Batina Timmons, who teaches classes on
how to make healthy food-buying decisions, ignore
the marketing hype and understand the dizzying
ingredients lists on food labels.
September 2009 j 11
CURVATURES
In Memoriam: Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
With theorizing comes controversy-just
ask Charles Darwin. Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
was one of the most controversial academic
figures of the past 20 years. Her work was
pivotal to queer theory and gender studies.
Kosofsky Sedgwick died on April 12, 2009,
after battling recurrent breast cancer since
1991. She was 58.
After her breast cancer returned the first
time, in 1996, she detailed her experiences
in A Dialogue on Love. The book addressed
themes of sexuality that she'd discussed previously in her academic work, but this time she
gave readers a highly personal account of what
it meant to have a mastectomy, to face death
and to have an ongoing and seemingly incurable illness. She included dialogues she had
with a psychotherapist during that period.
The bulk of Kosofsky Sedgwick's work
was in the field of literary theory. A devotee of French theorists Michel Foucault and
Jacques Lacan, she was also greatly influenced
by the feminist theorist Judith Butler, as well
as by Sigmund Freud.
A heterosexual woman married since 1969
to Dr. Hal Sedgwick, a professor of visual
perception, Kosofsky Sedgwick was often
credited with having founded queer theory
and the academic discipline of queer studies.
121 curve
To Sedgwick, the only
way to truly understand
both men and women
is to understand what
it might mean to be
involved with them on
every conceivable levelas friends and as lovers.
That she was a straight woman was often
noted and frequently became a source of
both controversy and contention as she wrote
almost exclusively about queer sexuality.
Controversy aside, the impact of Kosofsky
Sedgwick's work cannot be understated.
Interestingly, while her husband dealt with
the literal aspects of perception and how our
eyes work, Kosofsky Sedgwick dealt with the
encoded perceptions inherent in literature
and philosophy and their interrelationship
with psychoanalysis and sociocultural norms.
She said her marriage to Sedgwick was never
one of convenience, but always one of mutual
respect and admiration.
In a paper she delivered to the Modern
Language Association in 1990, entitled "Jane
Austen and the Masturbating Girl;' Kosofsky
Sedgwick found her niche as a gender studies iconoclast. This groundbreaking essay
discusses the repressed and encoded-or not
encoded-sexuality of the women in Austen's
works, notably Sense and Sensibility.
The books that Kosofsky Sedgwick
produced after she began teaching in the
English department at Duke University in
1988 were equally important. During the
decade she taught at Duke her most important book, Epistemology of the Closet, was
universally perceived to have transformed
gender studies and queer theory.
She spent the last decade of her life teaching at the City University of New York.
While there, she published Touching Feeling:
Affect, Pedagogy, Performativity, a work that
focused on a link between queer theory and
the emotional basis for sexuality.
Throughout
her
career,
Kosofsky
Sedgwick focused on the concept of sexuality
as a fluid continuum, which she espoused in
her deconstructions of both literature and
philosophy. This assertion impacted literary
theory and criticism as a whole because it
presupposed that not all sexuality is heterosexual. To Kosofsky Sedgwick, the only way
to truly understand both men and women
is to understand what it might mean to be
involved with them on every conceivable
level-as friends and as lovers.
For example, as far back as 1983, Kosofsky
Sedgwick wrote about the central male characters in Charles Dickens' Our Mutual Friend
as having the most significant relationship in
the book, despite the fact that they compete
for the affection of the same woman.
Regardless of her own heterosexual
orientation, in her work Kosofsky Sedgwick
forced others to acknowledge, respect and
understand the importance of queer relationships and queer sexuality in the totality of
human experience.
Kosofsky Sedgwick is survived by
her husband, her mother, a sister and a
brother. [VictoriaA. Brownworth]
w. noh8campaig n. com www. noh8ca mpaig n. com www. noh8ca mpaig n. com www. noh8campai
Q
CAMPAIGN
N
H
8
Join Aubrey O'Day in the fight against hate and discrimination.
LET YOUR SILENCE BE HEARD
www.twitter.com/noh8campaign
CURVATURES
Performance
poet and author
Staceyann Chin
on marriage,
coming out and
motherhood.
cur~atures
______
Gold Is the New Rainbow
It's awards season again in lesboland and
women took home statues all over the map.
The GLAAD Media Awards celebrated its
20th anniversary with ceremonies in New
York, Los Angeles and San Francisco this
spring. In New York, Suze Orman took
home the Vito Russo Award as this year's
out media professional promoting LGBT
rights, while the San Francisco ceremony
honored Milk screenwriter Dustin Lance
Black. The L Word's Ilene Chaiken and cast
were gold-ified at the Los Angeles event. The
Publishing Triangle honored writers Andrea
Weiss, Elizabeth Bradfield and Alison
Bechdel for their lesbian nonfiction, poetry
f<( and LGBT fiction, respectively, in May.
Q. The Lamda Literary Foundation handed its
~ Pioneer Award to Stone Butch Blues author
Leslie Fienberg during its lit awards in
May. The Golden Crown Literary Society
announced its top lezzie literature finalists, including Nell Stark, Jennifer Jordan
and Ruth Perkinson, crowning the winners after press time. And, the OUTMusic
Awards will be back after a two-year hiatus
to appreciate today's top LGBT recording
artists; dates have yet to be announced.
Next month, on October 8, individuals
and organizations nominated for Out &
Equal's Outie Awards will find out who
will take the cake as beacons of leadership
in the promotion of workplace equality for
LGBT employees. Find out more about
who got the gold this year with curve's full
coverage of awards season on curvemag.com.
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Were all sharing 140-character messages
about the cute girl we just saw on the
other side of the bookstore,
but Twitter can also be
used to mobilize. 3 Tweets
4 Katie,in honor of the
late legendary singer-songwriter KatieReider(left),
has harnessed Twitter in
what is expected to be
the world's largest T weetup ... Students
at the University
of Louisville,
LouisD.
Brandeis
Schoolof Lawused Twitter to
organize against SenateMinorityLeader
MitchMcConnell,
who, despite his anti-gay
voting record, was scheduled to speak at
the school's graduation. Angry students
wore buttons proclaiming"Senator
McConnell Does Not Speak for Me"...
Think twice before reaching for that
Pepsi,Pepsico has reportedly received
complaints from a traditional-values
group about the company's support of
LGBT charities, and the board has met
with Greg Quinlan, an "ex-gay"activist
from Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays
and Gays to discuss a resolution ...
Michigan's Affirmations
Pittmann-Puckett
Art
Galleryhas canceled
the opening of a
photo exhibit titled Femmes: Front and
Center, by local photographer Kristin
Kurzawabecause the photos do not meet
"PG-13, family friendly" standards ...
Mainemight be ringing with wedding
bells but not everyone is happy about it.
Bishop
RichardMalonefrom the Roman
Catholic Diocese of Portland called
same-sex marriage a "dangerous sociological experiment that I believe will have
negative consequences for society as a
whole:' Meanwhile, KatieRicks,"Pastor
Katie" from the Church of Reconciliation
in ChapelHill,N.C.,has been refused
ordination by the Presbyterian Church
U.S.A. because she is an out lesbian.
[SassafrasLowrey]
September 2009
I 15
CURVATURES
Middle American
Change-Makers
Michael Moore mocks it, gay rights activists fear it and religious conservatives control it-but no matter how you look at
it, Middle America is the battleground on which we're fighting for marriage equality. So, on May 30 over 3,000 LGBT
community members and their allies flocked to the conservative town of Fresno, Cali£, for the marriage rights rally Meet
in the Middle For Equality (MITM). Their goal was simple:
Raise awareness about the importance of supporting LGBT
equality in Middle America-type communities.
In preparation for the event Robin McGehee, a MITM
founder, and her crew of volunteers drove their trusty minivans to every corner of the state encouraging people to come
to the Fresno rally, timed for the weekend following the
California Supreme Court ruled on Proposition 8. The ballot
measure, which amended the state constitution to define
marriage as being between a man and a woman, was passed
by voters in the 2008 election, but was challenged by several lawsuits in the State Supreme Court.
MITM is an example of grassroots activism at its finest. "No one
has money or resources;' says Kate
Baldridge, a MITM organizing
volunteer, "But it's the manpower
that's making this movement. Were
just normal people, we all have fulltime jobs. We don't get paid for
this, we're just doing everything
we can on our backs:'
With protests raging in Los
Angeles and San Francisco, the MITM organizers were met
with the same question everywhere they campaigned: "Why
Fresnot Because, say the MITM organizers (meetinthemiddle4
equality.com), LGBT people should not have to flee their
hc,rnetowns to find equality."In Fresno, we felt like a gay ghetto
with no support;' Baldridge says. She vows that "never again
will places like Fresno be left out of this push for equality:'
And 110 community organizations agree. By joining
forces with human rights groups such as the United Farm
Workers and Planned Parenthood, MITM became about
equality for all.
"It's not just about marriage equality, it's about full rights
for everyone;' Cleve Jones said in his closing speech, using
Harvey Milk's famous megaphone. Jones encouraged the
MITM participants to join him later this year at the National
Equality March in Washington, D.C., on October 10 and 11.
He and the MITM organizers are campaigning for the D.C.
event (nationalequalitymarch.com), which they've dubbed
Meet in the Mall, where they'll demand federal recognition
of LGBT equality. [LaurenMarieFleming]
16lcurve
1 Shelly Bailes (left) and Ellen Pontac,
together 35 years, weep as they hear
California's decision to uphold Prop. 8 in
San Francisco 2 Prop. 8 protestor in San
Francisco 3 Kimberlee Bach (left) and
Angela Kurtz board a bus from Minneapolis
to Iowa to get married 4 Protest signs in
front of San Francisco's City Hall in May 5
Fay and Julianne King board a bus bound
for Iowa in May to wed 6 No on Prop. 8
march in Sacramento, Cali£, in March 7
Jovi Radtke speaks at No on Prop. 8 rally
in Sacramento 8 Protestors in Sacramento
(from left): Jovi Radtke, Katie Karadimos,
Kelly McAlister
OUTINFRONT
DemandingEguality
Real-world revolutionaries talk pride, identity and an end to discrimination. By Sheryl Kay
OurLawandOrder
There is never a dull moment for Jennifer
Bolton,
who is a criminal defense attorney, the
vice president of the Gay and Lesbian Center
of Southern Nevada, a judge pro tern and a
wife and mother of four.
Part of her commitment to justice was
cemented at age 5, when, in 1974, she was
the first girl in Orange County, Cali£, to
play Little League baseball. "I was 1
raised to be a warrior by parents,
who believed in equality;' she says.
Over the years, Bolton has
represented over 3,000 indigent
defendants in both Clark County
and the city of Las Vegas. And
at home, she and her wife have
fostered numerous children and
adopted two.
Bolton says that currently the
status of the LGBT community
could easily be compared to that
of African Americans during the
civil rights movement in the early
1960s. "We are on the precipice of
full equality;' she says.
She notes that the main issue
holding back LGBT civil rights is
the role of religion in government
and that the gay community must
do more to foster inclusion and understanding in churches. The first and most powerful
way to do that, she says, is to come out.
"I know it is easy to say and hard to do,
but it is easy for those who stand against us
to hate an idea like marriage equality;' says
Bolton. "It is much harder to hate a person.
If your neighbors, coworkers, friends, family recognize that they know and like a gay
person, then it is harder for them to want to
vote against you:'
~
~
Activistin theAcademy
Her mom told her she was born a revolutionary, conceived during a bombing of the
cl:
~ Cuban countryside nine months before the
~::::, triumph of the Cuban revolution.
cf
Now, JuanaMariaRodriguez
lives out her
<t
m
act1v1st roots as an associate professor in
gender and women's studies at UC Berkeley,
where she also collaborates with queer and
Latino campus groups, promotes queer and
ethnic studies to students and faculty members, speaks to high school students and
works with the administration on issues
of access and the equitable distribution of
resources.
"I always think of my work in the academy
as activist work;' says Rodriguez. "It doesn't
always mean organizing huge protests,
although sometimes it absolutely means
that. But activism is also about changing
how we use language in everyday life to challenge this crazy idea that there are only two
genders, or that there are political categories
of'us' and'them:"
For years, Rodriguez has examined issues
of identity, noting that sometimes labels like
"Latina;' or even "Mexican'' or "Puerto Rican;'
really don't shed any light on class, color, religion or language. Likewise, descriptions like
"queer;' or even "lesbian;' don't necessarily do
a good job of defining sexual identity.
"Part of the challenge is to understand
that we are not always talking about the
same thing when we use these terms;' she
says. "Identity doesn't always equal a shared
experience, or shared politics:'
Rodriguez suggests that rather than
organizing around identity, or what some
may think of as gay or lesbian issues, people
might try instead to organize around, "issues
that benefit all of us:'
LoveWomenin Uniform
Janet Beal was the first female
African American professional firefighter in the state of Washington,
as well as the first to reach the
rank of lieutenant, as she climbed
the ladder in this male-dominated
profession.
"I couldn't really discern that the
discrimination I experienced was
because I was African American;'
says Beal. "It was much more obvious and blatant that it was because I
was a woman:'
Some might assume that being
an out gay woman might have complicated the matter, but Beal says, "It
was presumed you were gay unless
proven otherwise. I felt sorry for the
straight women who were presumed
to be gay just because:'
But from whatever direction the heat
comes, Beal says she fights all those interpersonal fires the same way. "I deal with it like
anyone needs to deal with ignorant peoplebe direct, stand my ground, show them who
I am:'
Today, Beal is the lieutenant for Special
Events in the Seattle Fire Marshal's Office, in
charge of issuing permits for pyrotechnics, fairs,
festivals, concerts and trade shows. She's also
helped with minority recruiting, written guides
and training manuals for the department and
successfully competed at power lifting events.
The doors of opportunity are open to all,
she maintains. The key is to be self-assured.
"Don't stoop to their level, don't let your anger
show and fight their ignorance with your intelligence;' says Beal. ■
September 2009
I 17
LESBOFILE
The BrokenHeartsClub
Martina is single, Kelly is out and Michelle is having a fit-again.
By Jocelyn Voo
For her, coming out was "an ongoing process
from the time I was probably 12. I had a lot
of things happen that convinced me that
God was punishing me because I was gay:'
McGillis has had plenty of time to suss
out lesbian life, as the face (and name) of Key
West's hugely popular Annual Kelly McGillis
Classic International Women's &
Girl's Flag Football Championship.
Seems like McGillis is ready. Asked
whether she's interested in dating a man or a woman, she replied,
"Definitely a woman:'
Fashionistos
Aren'tChubby
Chasers
The Gossip frontwoman BethDittohas
been getting increasingly immersed in
the fashion world, first as the cover girl
for the inaugural issue of British style mag Love,
then designing her own collection for plus-size
ager's wedding, according to the New York line Evans. But it looks like not everyone in the
MartinaStillHasa WayWiththe Ladies
Usually a lesbian split involves a U-Haul and Post. At the bachelorette party, Rodriguez
fashion world is embracing the crossover.
a custody battle over the cats. But tennis star became outraged when the male stripper
On his blog, Hamish Bowles, European
MartinaNavratilova
has more on the line.
asked for a female volunteer at the begin- editor-at-large for Vogue, recalled Ditto's memThe New YorkPost reports that Navratilova's ning of his routine and made the chosen orable performance at a Fendi party at Paris
longtime lover, who split with the tennis girl get down on her knees. "That's bullshit;'
Fashion Week. Ditto, evidently,epitomized the
player last year, is threatening to release sor- Rodriguez reportedly yelled. "He should be fashion-music mashup: Dressed in a custom
did relationship details if Navratilova doesn't kneeling for her; this is a bachelorette parry:' Karl Lagerfeld getup, Ditto artfully stripped off
pony up for the eight years the pair spent Then, once the stripper started dancing her couture piece-by-piece as she performed. "I
and nuzzling his crotch in the bride's face, caught the midriff section, hurled into the auditogether.
"There are a lot of skeletons in Martina's
the actor yelled, "This is the kind of thing ence;' Bowles recalled.
closet. It is more like a storage facility full of that brings out the bisexual in me," before
However, that's where things went downthem, and I know them all;' ToniLaytontold storming off.
hill.''Having brought the house down with the
the Post. Layton, who'd left her husband for
spectacular 'Standing in the Way of Control;
Navratilova, claims she's owed more than the Sortof OldNews,butWe'reStillFixatedonIt
Beth decided to execute a celebratory stage
$200,000 she was originally offered for the The gossip pack has long speculated on Tom dive, a move that I can only describe as illtime she's spent nurturing the tennis legend.
Cruise's supposed straightness, but per- advised with a mosh pit comprising various
Gabriel Serrato, Navratilova's spokesman,
haps they should cake another look at Kelly supermodels and sundry fashionistos in aching
told the Post, "This is a private matter, so we McGilliswho played his girlfriend in the want of a square repast;' Bowles wrote. "In fact,
don't have a comment:' And we thought the classic flick Top Gun. McGillis announced to as far as I could determine, there was a parting
Lohan-Ronson
debacle warranted the phrase
curve contributor Jennifer Corday on her of the waves as the svelte and deeply panicked
"hell hath no furry like a lesbian scorned:'
She Wired.com series Girl Rock! not only hordes flung themselves out of the oncoming
chat she was single, but that she was defi- path of the potential weapon of mass destrucYeah,LikeSheNeededan Excuseto GoBi
nitely "done with the man thing:'
tion that is la Ditto, and there was something
'J\.lways a bridesmaid, never a bride" is how
"I need to move on in life. It's a part
closely resembling a resounding thud in place
the saying goes. But in MichelleRodriguez's of being true to yourself. Thar's been a of the expected slap of flesh on expectantly
case, maybe she shouldn't be a bridesmaid
challenge for me;' said the actrot, who also upraised palms:'
either. The Lost actor flipped out at her man- scarred in The Accused alongside JodieFoster.
Ouch. ■
1slcurve
She Said
ToQuotea Queeris packedfull of salaciousstatements
fromqueericons:politicians,artists,activists
andevenreligiousleaders.Herearesomeof thechoicestbits.
From To Quote a Queer, edited by John Lessard
©2007 Quirk Productions, Inc. Used with
permission from Quirk Books.
September 2009
I 19
ADVICE Lipstick & Dipstick
Try Communication,
Not Speculation
DearLipstickandDipstick:I've beenin a long- Whenshedoesspendtimewithme,shestares
distancerelationship
with a womanfor eight at hercomputer
or issleeping.
WhenI askif she
months.This is her first lesbianrelationship couldspenda few moments
with me,shetells
andshedoesn'tconsiderher orientation
to be mesheis tryingto relax.I feelas thoughwhen
we aren'ttogether,
justspend"in a category."It begancasually,and slowly we aretogether,
got moreserious.Becausewe livethreehours ingtimeinthesameroom.Is it wrongformeto
apart,we rarelysee each other.Thingswere want moretimewith her?Am I beingselfish?
goingwell until we had a big argumenttwo - Neglected
in NorthCarolina
monthsago.I thoughtwe'dworkedthingsout,
butthingsbeganto get weirdbetweenus.We Dipstick:Yes, you are being selfish. And you
haven'tbeenintimateemotionally
or physically should be. Since this workaholic doesn't
sincethen.The last time I visited,I acciden- have a clue, you've got to take matters into
tallyfoundcondoms
in thezipperpocketof her your own hands. Next time you're going to
purse.I panickedand didn'tsay anything.I'm see her, plan something romantic. Greet her
thinkingshewantsto be with men,but I want at the door with a glass of wine. Lead her to
to give her the benefitof the doubtbecause the couch, take her shoes off and rub her feet
theycouldbe old.Whatdoyouthink?- Am I while you ask her about her day. Light some
candles, lay out a sexy meal and stare into
Kissing
JessicaStein?
each other's eyes.
Lipstick:Eeert! [Screechof breaks and tires on
pavement.] What does 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 equal?
It's over, Jess.
Dipstick:Not so fast, Lip. This isn't a math
equation. It's more complicated. And condoms aren't the issue, Jess-the
fact that
you're afraid to talk to her about them is.
How you handle your arguments is a better
barometer of your relationship than whether
or not you have them at all. I don't know if
she's thinking of going back to men, but she
is thinking something. Perhaps she's figuring
out how to tell you it's over and wondering
why you haven't caught on. But, those condoms
could be for a guy or the hot new strap-on she
purchased and is dying to try out on you.
You'll never know unless you figure out a
way to talk about it. Long-distance relationships need to be founded on two things:
trust and communication. Sounds like you're
lacking in both, and now the groundwork
is crumbling.
Dear Lipstickand Dipstick:I've been in a
relationshipfor the last 11 months,and in
this time my girlfriendhasbrokenup with me
five times.We recentlygot backtogetherand
everything
wasamazinguntilshestartedworking moreand nothavingtimefor otherthings.
20
Icurve
Lipstick:Then throw her computer out the
window.
Dipstick:
Lipstick, resorting to property damage isn't going to help. You've got to give her
a reason to power down the computer and
power up the attention. Romance doesn't just
happen-you have to work at it.
Lipstick:
Romance actually does happen-but
both women have to show up each day. Dip,
while you've got some good ideas, my sense
is that it may be too late for this complacent,
non-confrontational absentee, who has long
since replaced sexing her girlfriend's cherry
with her slick new BlackBerry. Burying yourself in work is a coping mechanism for personal
unhappiness. I've done this myself and I've also
been like Neglected, the despondent woman
"I accidentalyfoundcondomsin her
pursezipper pocket. I panickedand
didn'tsay anything.I'm thinkingshe
wantsto be with men, but I want to give
her the benefitof the doubt because
they could be old. What do you think?"
writing in. These two need to get into therapy
immediately or it's just a matter of time before
one of them leaves the other for a coworker or
someone in her lesbian chat room.
Dear Lipstickand Dipstick:When I met the
womanwho is nowstalkingme,I wasveryill,
mywholeworldhadfallenapartandI wasvulnerable.WhenI let her knowI neededa friend,
sheendedup becoming
obsessed
with me and
tellingpeoplewe weredating.Shebecameeven
morepersistent
afterI toldherto backoff.I wish
I hadfileda restraining
orderagainstherwhen
the policesuggested
it. I've blockedher in everyotherway possible.
My friendshelpprotect
me and I try to ignoreher.Thishas beenvery
traumatic,but noneof her friendssupportme.
Theyknowshe'sweird,butnotto theextentthat
I do.- Scaredof theStalker
Lipstick:Dykes can be so cah-razy! Scaredy
Pants, have you tried changing your daily routine? Where you hang out, when you go to the
gym or the grocery storer Give that a whirl
and if she's still tailing you, then go back to the
police and protect yourself It sounds like she's
missing some nuts and bolts, and a stalker off
her rocker is never a good combination. Lulu
lezzies, listen up: Get your shit together and
stop terrorizing our stable sisters.
Dipstick:It's time you put this scary bunny
boiler behind you, and the best way to do that
is to not engage, at all-not with her or her
friends. Be dear with her that you're not interested in friendship anymore and cease all
contact. Then, like Lip said, go back to the
police and file that restraining order. Get in
touch with the National Center for Victims
of Crime (ncvc.org) for support resources in
your area and to set up a safety plan. Don't let
anyone convince you that this woman is just
weird or intense. She's disturbed and probably
a criminal, and you need to protect yourself
the first date"? She dragged you there, kicking and screaming, eh? And now you have no
respect for her because of it. No, you're not
too old for the dating game, just too judgmental. If you don't want to date someone
who puts out on the first date and asks you
to move in the next morning, then sweetly
kiss her on the cheek at the end of the evening and go home. Besides, her wanting to
start a family with you is probably a sign that
DearLipstickand Dipstick:Ona datingsite,I she wants more than just sex. But if this lady
recentlystartedemailinga 38-year-old
woman is not the one for you, there are millions of
with two youngsons.We met and somehow lesbians looking for love. Why throw in the
endedup in bedonthe firstdate.Thesexwas towel in after meetingjust oner ■
wonderful,
but I hadreservations
aboutsomeonewhojustseemedto wantto havea sexual
Want help with your problem?
relationship
and notspendanytime gettingto
Want to be on The Lipstick &
knowme. Withina coupleof weeksshe was
Dipstick Show? Drop a line to
alreadytalkingaboutmovingin togetherand
tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
beinga family.In the past,I've beenin several
long-termrelationships
(10yearsand12 years)
and maybeI'm just old-fashioned.
Is this the
"norm"in the lesbiancommunity
thesedays?
Is thiswhattheymeanby "rentingthe U-Haul
onthe thirddate"?WhenI told herthat things
ThismonthLipstick& Dipstickturnedto
were movingtoo fast, she felt rejectedand
youfor advice.Youreadtheiranswersfor
didn'tunderstand.
I cancelledmy membership
Throwingin theTowel-here'swhatsome
to the onlinedatingserviceandI'm wondering
of youhadto say:
if I'm tooold(46) forthedatinggameanymore?
Bonnie:
Don'tworryabout"whatlesbians
- Throwing
intheTowel
Holla Back
Lipstick:
Yes, this is what they mean about the
U-Haul, and no, you're not too old for 21st
century lesbian dating. You just have to arm
yourself with the proper equipment. Padlock?
Check. Night-vision goggles? Check. Blank
restraining order? Check. Is this really the
first time you've encountered this in the dyke
dating world? It's the lezzie MO, for better
or worse, and it's time to embrace it, because
c'est la pussy vie. Like you, Towel Thrower,
there are other women who don't behave this
way-we don't want to take the stereotypes
too seriously-but by the same token, this is
part of our culture. The trick is to find someone who wants what you want and moves like
you do. You just have to manifest her into
your life by visualizing her every day. Like my
grandma used to say: Blocks of wood should
not dictate to the carver.
Dipstick:Lip, what in the world are you talking about? That makes no sense. And, as for
you, TITT, "somehow we ended in bed on
aredoingthesedays,"but listento your
instinctsandif it feelsfast andweird...
stepbackin a bigway.If herfeelingsare
hurtbecauseyouwantto slowdown,talk
to heraboutall of yourconcerns,
andif she
respectsyou,she'llgiveyouspace.If she
doesn'tlike it, sheain't worthyourtime.
Von:I don'tthinkyouareold-fashioned
at
all!What'swrongwithtakingthingsslow
andgettingto knowoneanother?
Michele:If you'vehadthe romanticand
emotionalskillsto sustaintwo verylongtermrelationships,
thenI'm sureyou'vegot
whatit takesto find Ms.Right,insteadof
Ms.RightAway.
Urbancrawler:
I'm afraidThrowingInthe
Towelgaveoff the wrongsignalswhen
shedecidedto takethingsto the bedroom
on herfirst date.Sheclaimsto beoldfashioned,
butwhat'sso old-fashioned
aboutbeingsexualona first date?Make
yourselfandyourintentionsclearfromthe
beginning
... preferablybeforeyoudecideto
jumpintoanyone'sbed.
September 2009
J
21
ADVICE Money
StudentLoansDem stified
How to get the Man off your back and deal with your debt. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
like to pay [off] their
student loans as soon as
possible;' Aburto says,
"But, many times, that
is not the best solution:'
Consider making early
payments if the interest you are paying is not
tax-deductible, if you
can afford to pay them
off without dipping into
savings or if the interest rate on your student
loans is the highest of all
your loans.
A recent report by the U.S. Department of
Labor reveals that the average graduate walks
away from college with $22,500 in loans to
repay-a hefty price tag that comes with an
even higher stress level. The financial burden
is so crushing that some lesbians have even
had to resort to desperate measures to ease
the strain. With 70 percent of all American
students borrowing money to pay for their
college education, many women can relate to
that post-grad anxiety. But before you start
begging on the street, check out what financial planner Carrie Aburto has to say.
Consolidate
strategically:
Loan consolidation
combines multiple student loans into a single
loan. Though it can lower your monthly payment and interest rate, consolidating your
loans might mean it will take longer to pay
them off. Aburto says to consolidate if you
cannot afford your current monthly payment
or if it makes sense to lock your interst rate,
for instance, if you have a federal loan and
you know the rate is increasing. "However;'
she warns, "federal student loans should be
consolidated separately from private education loans, as the federal loans offer superior
benefits and lower interest rates:'
Look beforeyou leap: "Most people would
221
curve
set period of time, Aburto explains. Similarly,
a deferment is a temporary postponement of
payments, but it is granted based on a specific
condition that prevents you from repaying,
such as unemployment. Why choose one over
the other? "Interest continues to accrue on
your loan during forbearance, so a deferment
is usually the better option;' says Abruto.
"However, a forbearance is usually easier to
obtain than a deferment and may be allowed
during default:'
Mind the gendergap: Aburto cautions that
women's loans may linger longer. According
to the U.S. Department of Labor's 2007
analysis, women are paid just 81 cents for evMake the recession ery dollar a man makes. On top of that, she
work for you: If hard
says, "Women live longer and spend more
times mean that you can't afford your loan
time out of the workforce caring for others,
payments, request either a deferment or so we may need to save more, leaving less
forbearance, Aburto advises, but if your
money for paying debts:' ■
money problems are more long-term, she
reccomends exploring alternate options. 'J\n
Carrie Aburto specializes
extended repayment plan could lower your
m LGBT-speci.fic money
payments while increasing the life of your
matters with Aspen Wealth
loan up to 30 years, which will increase the
Management (aspenwealth
total amount you repay. If you have federal
inc.com) and is an amloans through the Direct Loan program, you
bassador for the Denver
may qualify for an income-contingent repayGay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
ment plan;' she explains.
She resides in Denver with her partner
Postponewisely:A forbearance grants you
permission to stop or reduce payments for a
of all
graduate and
undergraduate
students
borrow money
to pay for
their college
education.
and puppy. Check out
.finaid.orgformore info
on student loans.
66°/o $19
billion
of four-year
undergraduate
students
graduate with
student
loan debt.
Amount borrowed by
students during the 20072008 academic year to
finance their education.
SOURCES: American Student Assistance, National Postsecondary Student Aid Study
College Board, 2007-2008 Trends in Student Aid
'
Health ADVICE
Best Domestic
Gay Resort Town
-2006, 2007, 2008,
Out Traveler/PlanetOut.com
Follow this expert advice and stub it out for good.
Lung cancer is responsible for about 170,000 deaths per year in the United
States and 87 percent of those cases are due to cigarette smoking. "Cigarette
smoking is the leading preventable cause of death and disability, estimated
to contribute directly to 440,000 deaths per year," says Melissa S. Lim, M.D.,
a pulmonologist practicing at Sequoia Hospital in Redwood City, Calif. Lung
cancer has also surpassed breast cancer to become the most common cause
of cancer-related death among women. Ready to quit? It takes dedication
and commitment, but these five tips from Lim are sure to start you down a
nicotine-free path. [KimBale]
0 Set a quit date. Set a goal and
aspire to it. It's important to realize that
it's never too late to quit. You may not
be able to undo the damage your body
has already sustained, but you will prevent future smoking-related illnesses.
"Although you achieve a larger decline
in smoking-related health risks the
earlier you quit, you'll benefit whenever
you quit," says Lim.
Call on family and friends for support. "People who quit smoking need
a lot of support from family, friends
and their healthcare providers," says
Lim. You'll want allies in the struggle
when temptation creeps in.
@
@ Choose a stop-smoking method
that suits you. "There are many
behavioral and pharmacological
approaches to smoking cessation,
and a combination of the two is likely
to result in the best outcome," advises
Lim. Consult with your physician to
determine the correct treatment for
you to ensure success.
Just Between GirlzN
0 Have a nicotine substitute ready
when cravings strike. "The activities
one pairs with smoking should be identified, so that a substitute for smoking
can be adopted in its place," says Lim.
"Chewing gum and sucking on sugarfree hard candies are two common
substitutes." Also, if you force yourself
to smoke outside and you don't keep
cigarettes on hand, the act becomes
inconvenient and the likelihood of giving
in to temptation will decrease.
0 Never give up. Although side effects
such as depression, anxiety, irritability
and weight gain make quitting tough,
in the end the benefits are worth it.
"Realize that it takes, on average, about
five attempts to quit before success,"
says Dr. Lim. "It's really hard to quit and
you should be congratulated each time
you try."
Dr. Melissa S. Lim lives in San
Francisco with life partner Leigh
Kimberg, children Sam and Abby
and dogs Toby and Carmen.
TRY FOR FREE!
1.800.616.6113
CODE 1508
laverraer line,~
North America's Lesbian Chatline
lavenderline.net
POLITICS
Writtenon the Body
What do you see when you look in the mirror? By Victoria A. Brownworth
~
I:
;\:\' ~
I
A few hours before I wrote this column, I
was sitting in a surgeon's office. As I sat waiting for her to arrive, I began to think about
my body and the fact that much of who I am
is written on it.
Body and style are so inextricably connected. How we look is basic to who we are.
My style was personified by the black sweater
and skirt, the tie-dyed scarf that lay folded
over my purse on a chair. But in a baby-blue
exam gown, open in the front, I had become
generic, just another patient.
Something about being in a surgeon's
office makes me feel divorced from my body.
I feel more connected to those neatly folded
clothes than to the person sitting in the open
gown, waiting, looking at her own body.
My familiarity with surgeons began in my
20s. Three breast surgeries in four years kept
24
Icurve
Our bodiesare, as
feministstold us in the
1970s, our selves.And
acceptingour bodiesis
part of acceptingwho
we are as women.
cancer at bay, as did other surgeries over the
years-18 in 25 years.
Just after Thanksgiving 2008, my right
breast began to feel odd-hot,
and painful
and hard beneath my nipple.
From December through May I went
from test to test and doctor to doctor. I
went through two mammograms, eight
ultrasounds, 12 long weeks of heavy-duty
antibiotics, weekly visits to my primary
physician and nine visits to the surgeon she
refered me to.
Cancer, no cancer? Surgery, no surgery?
No answers, no conclusions.
Then on Easter, my body faced one more
crisis. My heart reacted to my ongoing health
problems by going into overdrive: An irregular heart beat nearly killed me.
While recovering from this real-life heart
condition, I watched soap operas where dramatic health crises are a narrative staple and
miracle cures happen every day.
The soap opera world is a landscape of
nip and tuck. The faces of the actors reflect
innumerable plastic surgeries-some
with
disastrous results.
When you've gone through many lifesaving surgeries, it's difficult to imagine
choosing to undergo any surgery voluntarily.
And yet, the social pressure to maintain a
youthful appearance seems more and more
intense, and not just for actors.
I've definitely seen the style of women's
bodies change over my lifetime. When I
was in high school my friends' mothers were
around the age I am now, but they seemed so
much older. And a photograph I have of my
own grandmother with my then-4-year-old
mother shows a woman who is only in her
40s, but who looks like she's in her 60s.
Yet today, 62-year-old soap opera veteran
Susan Lucci, looks like a woman 20 years her
junior. She's svelte and sexy. Her hair is long.
Her dresses are low-cut and form-fitting.
She's no one's senior citizen.
Of course, Lucci's been blessed with great
bone structure and an enthusiasm for exercise
that most women-66 percent of American
adults are overweight-don't
possess. She
denies having had any plastic surgery and
actually doesn't look like she has.
What women look like at 40, 50, 60 and
beyond has definitely changed-and
not
always because we rely on cosmetic surgery
to reconstruct our bodies.
But that was why I was in the surgeon's
A Lesbian in the White House
office-because my body needed restructuring, though not the voluntary kind.
It was difficult to wait for the surgeon and
not think about my body and what was written on it.
I've got what dermatologists call 'good
skin:' I have only a few wrinkles, no crow's
feet, none of the small lip lines that my
friends who are smokers have. Just the telltale laugh lines of a life lived fully.
But a different cartography is hidden
from view. A wide scar runs from my sternum to my pubic bone, marking where this
and that have been removed from my abdomen. Underneath my right breast are other
scars from still other surgeries. When I see
them I remember the tumors in the plastic
containers going down to the lab. My hands
have faint pinprick scars from endless IVs
over the years.
On the soaps, those scars would be erased
with makeup. In real life, those scars are daily
reminders of what my body has endured and
survived.
When the surgeon left, I got dressed. In
a week, I will lie on a table on my stomach
while dye goes into an IV through one of my
tattered veins. The cancerous bits that range
through the ducts of my right breast will light
up on a gray screen and then the surgeon will
know just what and how much will need to
be cut away.
In the real world, there are few miracles
and few women who have never gone under
the knife to achieve the perfect body. In the
real world, women's bodies are wildly divergent and thoroughly imperfect. But they are,
inimitably, our own.
I'm facing another surgery with resignation. Still, whatever new changes are wrought
on my body in the process will become part
of who I am. Our bodies are, as feminists
told us in the 1970s, our selves. And accepting our bodies is part of accepting who we
are as women. The landscape of our bodies
tells a story. Every line and curve and wrinkle
and scar is a landmark, a point of demarcation, an exclamatory, resonating statement
about who we are and have been. My body
may be covered in scars, but those scars mark
me as a survivor. What is written on my body
is-indelibly, inevitably-who
I am. ■
As the head of the White House
Council on Environmental Quality,
Nancy Sutley is the highest ranking out lesbian within the Obama
administration and the president's
principal advisor regarding environmental policy.
"We've had a number of occasions to talk about environmental
policy, climate change and to be
part of a really important priority,"
says Sutley. So far, she has witnessed the new administration's
dedication to making the environment a top priority and has already
helped set in motion a global initiative to limit poisonous mercury in
the environment.
"In all my experience I've never
seen a president give this much
attention to these issues. This
administration is trying to address
the most pressing threats and is
using science, instead of politics, to
guide our decisions," she says.
Though Sutley is only 47 years
old, she brings with her over a
decade of experience in senior
environmental management. In her
last position, as deputy mayor of
Los Angeles, she was in charge of
remaking Los Angeles into one of
the nation's greenest cities.
"We put together a big plan - a
lot of things the city could do itself
and things that people living in
L.A. could do to make it a greener
place," says Sutley. "The mayor
pledged to plant a million trees,"
she continues. "Last I heard we
had about 200,000 trees planted.
There were 14 new parks built and
we put together a plan to restore
the L.A. River."
It's clear that Sutley and the
entire Obama administration are
going to need strong arms and big
green mops to clean up the mess
left behind by previous administrations. "We just have so much to
do. A lot of time was lost in the last
eight years. We are dealing with
the sheer volume of trying to catch
up and move the environment off
the back burner and back to a top
priority." She lists cleaning up community pollution, preserving national
spaces and developing reliable
sources of clean, sustainable energy
as her own top priorities.
Sutley has a reputation for being a
skilled, knowledgeable, behind-thescenes negotiator who prefers to
avoid the limelight. One report went
as far as to call her "painfully shy,"
a statement that she denies with
a chuckle. "I don't feel pain. I feel
that I talk when I have something to
say. I'm not necessarily in love with
hearing the sound of my own voice.
I'm certainly not shy about expressing my opinions. I speak up when I
need to speak up."
That includes being upfront about
her sexual orientation. "Once I told
my mother, I figured it didn't really
matter who else knew. I've been out
and open in my career and [it's been
a] very supportive environment," she
says. Sutley feels equally embraced
as a member of the Obama administration and notices little things that
make a big difference, such as gay
families being encouraged to attend
the big Easter egg roll held on the
White House lawn.
"This administration is recognizing and embracing the gay community as part of our community
in Washington and nationally."
[HeatherRobinson]
September 2009
I25
DYKE
DRAMA
Your New Best Friend
There are 50 ways to leave your lover. Almost all of them suck. By Michele Fisher
The economy is turning straight people
into Iesbians. It's true-I just saw a story
about a divorced het couple that has been
living together for two years because they
cannot afford to sell their house and move
out. It seemed strange to me that a divorced
couple that was still cohabitating was actually newsworthy. Then I remembered I was
peeking into the straight world. I know I
won't be seeing a story like that on
Logo. We don't just shack up with
our exes, we start businesses with
them and raise kids with them. We
do have our boundaries; one of us
takes the downstairs and the other
the upstairs.
"I just want to call her to make
sure she's all right:'
She is not all right. You broke
up with her, so she is not going to
be all right for a while and you are
not the right person to check up on
her. Nothing is going to make the
girl you dumped feel better except
you getting back together with her,
which you'd better not do-again.
When you end it this time, make
sure you give the relationship a
DNR (do not resuscitate) order.
You are going to be friendseven if you don't want to-so stop
worrying about it. What you need
to be concerned about now is getting through this breakup.
Why are our breakups so messy:'
Piss-poor planning and control '
issues. Let's face it-lesbian breakups are rarely spontaneous affairs.
(In-the-heat-of-the-moment
breakups are not the kind that
last. She makes you mad, you tell
her you're gone and a few hours
later you two are making babies.)
I'm talking about real partings
here. The kind of breakups where
everybody in the world, except her,
knows that it is over.
Stop acting like you are agoniz26
Icurve
ing over the decision. You want out, so make
a plan. When you say, "She can have everything-I just want our;' do you really mean
that:' And if you do, are you sure you are still
going to mean that in two months, when
you realize that your kitchenware consists
of a dozen pairs of disposable chopsticks
that have come with your takeout dinners:'
You have learned how to eat cereal out of a
mayonnaise jar with chopsticks, but do you
really want to keep doing it:' Face it, you are
just acting magnanimous now because you
feel guilty, but when the guilt wears off you
are going to turn into an angry little ball of
resentment and call her up and demand that
toaster oven back right away. At that point,
you will have become the jerk that she knew
you were all along. Worse than that, you will
reactivate all of that breakup drama that
should have been behind you by now.
Start by planning how and where you are
going to end the relationship. No, a text mes,
sage reading "we r thru" is not appropriate.
You must put on your big,girl panties and tell
her in person. Do you tell her in public or
in private? There is a special place in hell for
people who breakup with lovers in public.
Unless your soon,to,be ex is a black belt
we caused it. We stay for hours or days or
weeks, and we let her cry and yell, and we get
into stupid arguments that really are pointless
since we are no longer in a relationship. Most
of us don't even question this lesbian ritual.
We think it is our duty to take care of (i.e.
control) the woman we dump-indefinitely.
It isn't. I am giving you permission to get the
heck out of there. Head for the hills, or your
parents' or the mall-just
get out of there.
Start by planninghow and whereyou
are goingto end the relatonship.No, a
text messagereading"we r thru"is not
appropriate.You must put on your big girl
pantiesand tell her in person.
with a hair trigger, there is no reason to plop
the bad news on her in a crowd. It is manip,
ulative. Which is exactly what is so tempting
about doing it. You can't control her reaction
and you shouldn't try. If it works, you are a
coward. And if it doesn't, you will never be
able to go to that restaurant again, and you
may have to get a second job to pay for the
damage to the place.
So you sit her down, in private, and you
tell her you two have got to go your separate
ways. Don't spend too much time perfecting
your speech because it just doesn't matter.
Even if you have Maya Angelou work on
your prose, you won't be able to mitigate
the emotional devastation it causes. In this
instance, it isn't how you say it, it is what
you are saying. I have been dumped enough
times to know for sure that after you hear
that you are getting tossed, you don't hear
anything else but your own panicked and
self,deprecating thoughts.
Now you've told her. What's your next
move?
See, this is where some planning comes
into play. How long after you drop the bomb
are you going to hang around? Most of us do
the all,night thing. We don't want to aban,
don her in her hour of need-even though
The longer you stay, the more she thinks she
can talk you out of breaking up with her. She
will squander whatever little bit of dignity she
has left on begging you to change your mind.
She has friends, a computer, a cat or whatever
else a girl turns to in times of trouble. You are
the wound; you cannot be the Band,Aid, too.
Yes, she is going to hate you, but she is sup,
posed to. You can't control that either.
You should already have planned for this
moment, and your personal effects should
already be somewhere else or ready to go.
You'd better not think that you are going to
be able to pack a suitcase with her freaking
out right there. If you think you are just going
to jet and then come back for your stuff later,
you'd better ponder that idea a little more.
Can your possessions pass the "front lawn
test"? How long can your belongings stay
on the front lawn and still be usable? Is it
going to rain in the next few days? What if
she throws your stuff into the pool instead?
How much of your stuff is waterproof?
Make a plan, Fran, and stick to it. You two
will eventually realize that dream of buying
a solar,powered cabin in the woods and
paying for it by selling your probiotic baked
goods at the local farmers' market, but you
have to break up with her first. ■
DAMR N
VACATIONS
VISIT:
DAMRONVACATIONS
.COM
CALL:
1.888.850.6585
ASTROGRRL
Slipsof the Tongue
This is a great month to watch what you say. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
Sex:Someone secret and special has a crush on you.
Discover who she is and see if you want to crush
back. Career:
Friends in high places give you a help,
ing hand. Join some new groups and find even more
helping hands. Rub elbows and spark a fire.
Pisces(Feb.20-March20)
Sex:Any improvements you make in your health
regime will help your love life. You may even meet
her at the salad bar. Of course, a little extra sugar is
not always a bad thing. Career:
You take extra risks at
work. These can pay off if they are carefully crafted.
Otherwise, just buy a lottery ticket and hope.
Libra(Sept.24-0ct.23)
Sex:Platonic girlfriends can turn into much more, if
that's what you want. Will you risk a good friendship
by complicating it with sex? Heck, why not? Career:
There's no stopping your corporate ascent now. You
rocket ahead of competitors. But pace yoursel£ lest
you run out of steam.
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Sex:Scorpios may find that love with a wealthy
woman has its advantages. Will you become a "kept
GETTOKNOW
YOUR
VIRGO woman"? And where do I sign up? Career:Try to
Virgodykeslooklikethe stereo- travel more for business. It will give you a chance to
typicallibrariansof the zodiacwith get away from the office and you can combine work
a clean,crisp,no-frillsappear- with a vacation-on the company dime. Shhh.
ancethatseemsto cry outfor
a goodspanking-or at least
Sagittarius
(Nov.23-Dec.22)
a sneakypeekunderthat long
Sex:
Faraway romance beckons you. Find any excuse
pencilskirt.Butthoseseverelooks
aredeceiving,
girlfriend.Actually, to expand your horizons and meet exotic, passionate
Virgowomenhavean immense ladies. Indulge yourself with an international tasting
A certain powerful
capacityfor loveandaffection. menu. Hot sauce anyone? Career:
Youjust haveto be patientenough executive has her eye on you. Maybe this is a good
to getthroughthe layersof thing. Avoid long lunches and too many "sick" days,
repression
andguiltto reachthe just in case.
pearl.Persistent
lovergrrls
will be
rewarded
with a fulfillinglife part- Capricorn
(Dec.23-Jan.20)
nerwhowill notonlylovethemfor Sex:You are especially sexy and alluring this month,
whotheyare-warts andall-but
so you can attract anyone you want. Use it or lose
whowill alsodustand
it, Capricorn! Career:Business partners make their
dothe windows.
move but you can play a key role in the outcome. The
corporate world is like a huge chess game. Get next to
the queen and become her favorite pawn.
Aries(March21-April20)
Sex:Take a chance, be flirtatious and see where it
gets you. You might hit a homer and work your way
through all the bases. Whoo hoo! Career:Lambda
rams might buck authority and take charge at work
this September. They cannot be tied up or reined
in-unless they're into that kind of thing.
Taurus(April21-May21)
Sex:Feather your love nest and see which lovely
bird flies in. Your home becomes your sensual castle,
and you become royalty. Let's hope there's no revolt!
Career:
September is the month to get your ideas out
there. Call 'em as you see 'em at work. But try not to
use too much profanity.
Gemini(May22-June21)
Sex:Whisper words of love and see where it gets
you-maybe
further than you think. Expect the
unexpected and go the distance. Career:Focus on
your finances and put your nose to the grindstone
at work. Money will come your way through hard
work. Hard work? Uh,oh.
Cancer(June22-July23)
Sex:Love comes packaged in many shapes and sizes.
Unwrap and discover what delightful gifts are in each
unique box. It's Christmas in September! Career
Members of the senior staff love you. I have no idea
why, but why ask why? Ask for a large raise instead.
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
AstrologerCharlene Aquarius
(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Lichtensteinis the Sex:If you open up the lines of communication with
authorof Herscopes:your partner, your relationship will overflow with
A Guideto Astrology love and affection. Tread carefully, so you don't slip.
forLesbians.
Getmoreat thestarry Career:Your job will demand much more time and
eye.com
orcheckoutherblogat effort this September. You'll work especially hard just
to stay where you are. Oh, goodie.
thestarryeye.
typepad.com.
28
Icurve
Sex:Meet and greet this September. Lionesses
become the center of attention and can sway the
adoring crowds by personality alone. Watch out.
Career:You have the corporate oomph to take over
and control. Even better, advise stealthily from
behind the scenes and exercise quiet influence. By
wintertime you will rule! ■
ITRIED
IT
The UltimatePowerTri
A helicopter ride puts things into perspective for one adrenaline junkie. By Mary McGrath
So-you've done those corkscrew rides at
Magic Mountain. You've even driven your
Porsche at 112 mph. But if there's any real
macho in you, you owe it to yourself to
defy gravity in a helicopter, preferably over
a major city, so that you can do the Bruce
Willis walk as you flirt with urban danger.
Are you game?
I'm a high-altitude junkie-I've
done
gliders, parasailing, even small planes-so I
took the dare a few months ago. Most helicopter rides start off in a fairly remote area.
Moments Made-a company that will set
you up to drive a race car,jump out of a plane
or ride in a helicopter above Los Angelesbegan my helicopter excursion near Pacoima,
Cali£, which is at the north end of the San
Fernando Valley. A variety of packages are
available (momentsmade.com), but I opted
for the most extravagant ride, which took me
all through the valley, over the Pacific Ocean
and right into downtown Los Angeles and
Hollywood.
When planning your trip, try to get a good
seat. If you can't be by the window, take another
flight; you're likely to become acquainted with
the barf bag if you' re sensitive to motion and
you can't see the terrain below you. In fact, try
to sit where you can actually roll the window
down-this will make visibility much better,
especially if you have a camera, and the fresh
air is a real rush. And wear comfy clothes,
you'll be turning around trying to catch the
sights, and the last thing you want is to be
hindered by your outfit.
When it was my turn to fly,I was ushered
into the cockpit, and soon it felt like it was
just me and the pilot with his foot pedals
and radio in a bubble of glass. But we weren't
alone; also on board were two gals making
out in the backseat with a video camera and
a bottle of champagne. I prayed they weren't
prone to motion sickness as I watched them
take another gulp of the bubbly. Then it was
time for us to strap ourselves in (don't get
excited, I'm not talking bondage here), and
get ready for takeoff.
When we lifted off the ground, the copter
started to wobble a bit. Oh boy, I thought.
Where's my rosary? Soon, we were airborne,
heading across the valley, the pedestrians
below looking like ants on a furtive mission.
It's amazing how quickly you can get to the
beach when you don't have to take the freeway. Within minutes, we could see the wide
expanse of the Pacific, while a thin stream of
cars crawled over Topanga Canyon.
urban landscapes? And, by the way, while
you're making that fourth banked turn,
where's the barfbag,just in case?
My gal pals in back were too busy getting
drunk to notice how I was doing. Maybe
they were at that three-month mark where
you're still going to extremes to impress each
other. And what better way to do it than in a
helicopter? It's cheaper than jewelry and far
"Oh, look at those dolphins;' announced
our pilot. "Let's take a closer look:' And with
that, he made a steeply banked turn and
pulled up about 50 feet above the water.
Soon we were flying parallel to the shoreline,
zooming over the Santa Monica Pier and its
circus of rides. I suddenly wished I'd taken
some Dramamine. I thought this was going
to be one of those AARP rides, not some
Red Bull adventure.
As a blur of cars sped by, our pilot ushered us inland toward Hollywood. I fancied
myself one of the paparazzi as we flew over
the Spelling mansion and Britney Spearsville
on Hollywood Boulevard. Tall buildings
stabbed at the sky, but they couldn't reach us
with their long steel arms.
The geometry of any city is pretty
astounding from the air. Who plans these
more exciting.
We zoomed by the Hollywood sign and
over the hills into the San Fernando Valley.
But what's that in the distance? Our airport?
My pilot checked in with me, and I assured
him I wasn't about to decorate his cockpit
with my lunch. Besides, I had about 150
photos to commemorate my wild aerial trip
of Los Angeles, reminding me of one of the
best adventures I've had in recent years.
Whether you're off to the Grand Canyon,
Maui (where I tried the helicopter ride again,
for a tamer experience) or Barbados, there are
many outfits that will gladly take you airborne
in a chopper so that you can truly enjoy the
terrain from another perspective. Helicopters
are very safe and nimble and they offer a
unique experience you're unlikely to forget.
You can always buy jewelry next year. ■
September 2009
I29
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The foxy blonde with
Aubrey O'Day is no stranger to the tabloids.
striking blue eyes is the subject of frequent speculation in both the rag mags and
the gossip blogosphere: Why was she fired from Danity Kane-the sexy girl group
created by Sean "Diddy" Combs-on MTV's Making the Band? Who is she involved
with? Her numerous lovers are supposed to include everyone from porn queen
Jenna Jameson to heiress Lydia Hearst. And why did she finally agree to grace
the cover of Playboy? Curve caught up with O'Day, who was eager to set the
record straight about what went down on MTV, how she "married" Daniela
Sea, her Vegas show, her own reality series and-most importantly-who's
in her love life (spoiler alert: Aubrey O'Day likes girls).
In the third iteration of MTV's hit series Making the Band
in 2005, hip hop mogul Combs decided to create an all-girl
act. Of the thousands of women who auditioned, O'Day, who
had been performing since age 4, instantly stood out from the
pack-and through two seasons, and more drama than you
can shake a pimp cane at, O'Day was chosen to be a member
of his manufactured R&B group, Danity Kane. However,
after just two hit albums, the group disbanded on the season
four finale-following Combs' decision to fire O'Day and Dee
Woods. While Combs claimed that he let O'Day go because
she was no longer the girl he'd signed and that she had been
changed by fame, O'Day has a different theory.
"He was never going to dictate who I am as a person;' says
the 25-year-old O'Day. "I think he's gotten good at doing that
with the women that are around him. I won't let him do that
to me. So that's why I was out. And that's why you saw me go
head to head with him-and it could have been over stupid
things like hair or shoes, jewelry, image. But what it really was
about was power and control-I wasn't going to let somebody take mine:'
While the decision to part ways was
not O'Day's, she has no regrets about
what happened. "You know, some32
Icurve
times when you make bold moves you look back
[and think], Maybe I just should have been a part of
the machine instead of rebelling. I still say that about
old relationships though, too. But at the end of the day
you just have to do ... the best you can for who you are
in that moment:'
No longer beholden to Combs or Danity Kane, the
San Francisco native was finally free to be hersel£
''I've been able to be more me, absolutely. I don't
make apologies and I don't hide things about
J:
what I feel:' She was also finally able to pose
for Playboy. The magazine, according
to O'Day, had approached her three
separate times, but she had turned
them down out of respect for
-;t
her conservative band mates.
. i1,.
(Theresa M. Hennessey,
Playboysvice president
,",,1,:
, .. "'
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"What it really was about was
power and control-I wasn't going
to let somebody take mine. I think
he's gotten good at doing that with
the women that are around him. I
won't let him do that to me."
of public relations, however, said, "To my knowledge, that is not
correct:')
"I am probably one of the most accepting people you'll ever
meet in your life and, trust me, none of the girls in Danity
Kane were anything like me. I was in a group with heavy conservative Republicans who are in love with George Bush. Can
you imagine what that does to my bubble?"
O'Day, a drama and political science major from UC
Irvine, shared an example of the band's vastly differing ideologies from the road. "We did a political campaign one time
and I was just looking at them, thinking, Please don't speak,
because it's going to embarrass me. They're all just like 'It's
so embarrassing when Aubrey doesn't have a lot of clothes
on and she just shows off her body' ... and I am thinking to
myself, How embarrassing that you're saying you think Bush
is a great president-that's embarrassing:'
Immediately following the breakup, rumors began swirling that O'Day would be taking up the mantle as the postTila Tequila A Shot at Love bachelorette. As it turns out,
the scuttlebutt was partly true. The day after her Making the
Band departure was made public, she met with the show's
producers.
"I walked in and there were the four executives of this network and they sit up and start clapping and say,'So here's the
little girl who took on Bad Boy [Records): And that felt good,
because coming out of that energy I needed a little pick-meup;' laughs O'Day. "I needed somebody to say, 'It's OK, you
can be yourself, you made a good move:"
O'Day seriously considered MTV's offer.'Tm not in a relationship and I don't know [ifl) prefer one sex over the other at
this point in my life, and so for me I thought it was ... perfect.
And, you know, hearing [the producers) talk about it, they are
34
I curve
all heavy gay advocates and they are very involved in the gay
community and they don't make a joke out of it. Sometimes,
it seems like it's being made a joke 0£ but the actual producers
don't. They take it very seriously:'
Ultimately, perfect fit or not, O'Day passed on Shot. "There
was a moment where I was like, 'This could be neat: But I had
so many busy bees around me that just thought it was a bad
idea. I got an offer to do my own show. It's a lot harder to
do your own show. People don't realize it's not a better deal. I
mean, the Shot at Love deal-the actual deal-was a thousand
times better and was probably 10 times the money:•
That new show, to air on a yet-to-be-announced network,
will focus on her return to the stage since playing Amber in
the Broadway production of Hairspray (she was also in touring productions of Grease, Wicked and Rent, among others);
launching Heart on My Sleeve, her clothing line (its rollout
was delayed to be included in the series); her new stage show;
undoubtedly, plenty of Ginger (her beloved puppy); and hopefully, some hot Sapphic action.
Not everyone in O'Day's life was as supportive of her decision to strike out on her own, with some advising her against
taking the risk of starring in her own reality series.
"[They) were like, 'Don't do it, it's too much of a challenge;
she laughs. 'J\nd, of course, you say that to the one girl who
lives off of challenge... [so) my little light bulb went off and I
was like,'Oh, I am definitely going to do this now:"
The reality TV star does, however, have some misgivings
about carrying an entire show all by hersel£ Where shows like
Shot at Love garner their entertainment value from the drama
and infighting of the contestants vying for their turn at a happily ever after ending, O'Day's show will rely solely on her to
bring the thunder or fall by the wayside, as many recent reality
series-staring more established celebrities-have.
"On my show I'm the one who has to be real about everything and that's not easy. That's why so many iconic women
like Denise [Richards) or Pam [Anderson), their shows didn't
do as well because it's, you know, hard to relate to:'
Lesbian fans are hoping O'Day will be "real" and "relatable''
about the romantic aspects of her life on the show, as well.
Rumors that O'Day's sexuality, was perhaps a shade of lavender began on the red carpet last year. When questioned about
her love life, O'Day appeared to be dropping hints that maybe
it was not so heteronormative after all.
When asked about what man she was dating, O'Day was
quick to set reporters straight. "I used to correct them not
because I was dropping hints but because I think it's rude to
assume that somebody is with a man. So I'd say 'What guy?
What girl?'"
In subsequent interviews O'Day remained cagey,refusing to
confirm or deny the rumors, despite photos of her intimately
frolicking with women on the beach and tabloid reports linking her to Jenna Jameson and media heiress Lydia Hearst.
Having left Danity Kane, O'Day is finally ready to go on
the record and talk about some of the speculation surrounding her love life."I never expressed mysel£ even internally with
the girls [in the band] about sexuality... never talked about
it publicly because I didn't feel that my [work] situation was
comfortable with that. And I wanted to respect the business of
what we were doing, but the second I got fired, oh my God!"
So what is the story? Is she a lesbian? Bisexual? Or just
another fame-grubbing fauxmosexual:' Well, those hoping that
O'Day would clear things up-and just tick a box, alreadymay be disappointed. Like much about the musician, it's just
not that simple. O'Day is a member of an emerging group of
Hollywood's Sapphic (and Sapphic-leaning) ladies who outright refuse to define themselves with labels.
"It was never that I didn't want to say what my preference
is;' explains O'Day. "I mean, it's not like I'm hiding anything. I
just don't know. I haven't fallen in love with the person that has
taken my heart and made me want to be a better person every
day. I could be happy marrying a woman. I could be happy
marrying a man. It just depends on the person and the emotional and physical relationship that I have:'
O'Day elaborated: "I have enjoyed the time that I've spent
with a woman, but, you know, not everything was there and
Oi'v
S~
it wasn't any one thing in particular, just that person. And
I've had amazing relationships with men but ... not everything was there. There was something missing:'
Her hesitance to define her sexuality also factored into her
decision to pass on MTV's offer. "That's another reason why
I thought hard and long about A Shot at Love, because that
would right away... put me as the 'television bisexual' and I just
don't feel comfortable with that. I don't even know that that
is the case:'
While she's loath to pick a label, O'Day is happy to express
her desire to fraternize with people all across the gender spectrum. "The other night I was out and I fell in love with this
woman. She was so amazing and my g-hub [gay husband] was
like, 'Oh, that [used to be] a man. She's post-op, she's completely had all her surgeries and everything' ... I was like, 'Wow,
I would have never known. And I would have never cared:"
And to the naysayers who have accused her of hinting at
heteroflexiblity in an effort to garner more press, or to titillate
her male fans:' "I don't do anything for other people's enjoyment. I think I've made that pretty clear. I mean, if! did things
for other people then I would still have a job. So I have never
been the one to do something to impress a man or a woman or
impress a community or to impress a boss in a powerful position. It's just not me:'
A side effect of her ambiguity has meant increased scrutiny
on any woman she's seen in public with, something O'Day is
surprised by. "I never thought it would happen with people
that aren't in the industry ... I think it would be easier if it were
a celebrity because celebrities all know
how that goes. I haven't had a
lot 0£ like, celebrity lesbian
women approach me:'
R.onM>l'v:
"She is so hot. Everytime I see her I
want to go over and talk to her, but it's
likeshe'sgoingto be like, 'You're
that girlthat triesto say you're gay
everywhere,'and I'm like 'No,
I promise,get to know me.
We'd be perfecttogether."'
......
--------..
011,,
~ iJvWJ
e,:
"I'm one of the most underestimated
people in the industry. People don't expect
much from me. They expect me to be a
hot mess, they expect me to say all the
wrong things and wear the wrong outfits.
That's how I like it though. I think it's really
easy to move through the industry as a
woman when you're underestimated."
Thar's not co say she hasn't had her share of famous female
snogs. She had one public smooch fest with comic Kathy Griffin
at the Bravo A-List Awards, which caught O'Day slightly
unaware. "When we practiced chat, we were only pecking:'
However, when the audience was seated and the cameras
were rolling, the lip lock took a decidedly French turn. "I don't
know if the producers told her co do chat, but if you see me I
am going in for our cute little peck, like, whacevs, and she just
stuck her tongue in my mouth, and I was like, AAAAAH !"
Despite her surprise, O'Day was cool with the impromptu
French kiss. "It's Kathy Griffin! I don't care what anyone has
to say,she is so hot ... I don't like people sticking tongues in my
mouth, but Kathy was the exception:'
Another possible exception2 Accor and L Word alum
Daniela Sea. The two met at the Life Ball in Vienna, Austria, a
charity event co support the fight against HIV/ AIDS. O'Day
spotted Sea surrounded by women vying for her attention,
and, hoping to catch Sea's eye, she hung back. Apparently, her
hard-to-get act paid off, because the two ended up getting
married at Sea's suggestion in a mock ceremony chat night and
even did a little kissin'. According to O'Day, Sea-who didn't
know about her heteroflexibility-said, "You're a good kisser,
for a straight girl:' The kiss was memorable for O'Day as well.
"She was a beautiful kisser;' she ad.mies. Alas, there was no
honeymoon, mock or otherwise.
So who is next on O'Day's conquest list2 If it were up to her,
it would be Samantha Ronson. "[She is) so hot. Every time I
see her I want to go over and talk to her, but it's like she's going
co be like, 'You're chat girl chat tries to say you're gay everywhere; and I'm like,' o, I promise-get to know me. We'd be
perfect together:"
She is reticent about trying to live up to the hype of the out
DJ's highly publicized on-again off-again romance, however.
"Lindsay and that relationship made it such a joke. It was
just like, on every cover, on every tabloid. Their relationship
has been her job for the past year... you just can't live up co chat
entire Disneyland circus that went on in your last relationship.
I couldn't live up to all chat shic:'
36
I curve
But it's not all lezzie smooches and reality TV these days.
O'Day is also aware of the power of her celebrity and is deeply
committed to activism. She has her own charity, FAN (Fight
AIDS Now), providing hands on therapy and art to children in hospitals. She also supports other organizations like
Responsibility which builds secondary schools in Tijuana,
Mexico, Big Sister and The Pink Project.
Bue chis wasn't always the case; a combination of two
events shaped her worldview. The first was the death of her
nanny-an African American man who died in her home of
complications associated with AIDS-and
the second was a
conversation with her mother.
"When I was young, I was very selfish and kind of all about
me and I just wanted co win ... I won a pageant and I was in
the car with my mom and I was like, 'I've achieved so much
and look at these things I've done. You must be so proud I'm
your daughter, not that ocher girl: And my mom said, Td
rather have that other girl as my daughter, honestly: That was
a change for me, to hear my mom say chat, because she was not
proud of who I was becoming:'
Aubrey O'Da}' continued on page 63
•••
I'm Waiting for the (Wo)man: Pop art on the East River
China is wearing a shirt, bandana and bag by Thom Markee, from his clothing line "hipsterscumfag." Shot on
the East River in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn, Van Stelten says she wanted to "take some local Brooklyn
designers and quasi-celeb hot queer hipsters and maybe show a piece of the lifestyle there."
PREVIOUS
PAGE:Femme Fatale: Mix one part boi and two parts grrrl-and add a twist
Mila dons a Brassier by Chantal Thomas; vintage Woolrich hunter trousers (stylist's own); vintage Superba
striped tie (stylist's own); silver snake belt worn as necklace from Poppet NYC; black bracelet by Alexis Bittar.
Mila's makeup by Kate Woods; styling by Jet Olivia
China's makeup by Kate Woods and Melvin Willis; styling by Camille De Grocco
38
Icurve
I'll Be Your Mirror: Juxtaposition of fetish-femme and the (Chelsea) girl next door
"Basically we shot Mila's photos in an amazing loft in Williamsburg that had this very cool
retro vibe, sort of a brothel meets a mad science lab. The name of the loft is House of
Collections owned by Paige Stevenson and managed by Ahnika Delerium. It very much
fits the Williamsburg vibe-it's like a commune that throws art parties and rents out their
space for shoots and shows."
Mila is wearing a vintage orange hostess gown (stylist's own); vintage American Serviceman hat from Screaming Mimi's; eye mask worn on hat by Jetrophelia.com; garter belt by
Chantal Thomas; hosiery by Wolford; silk panties and fragrance by Agent Provocateur.
September 2009 I39
V
1s in F
s: A mo ern ta e on an Edie Sedg ick
Mila is tab in a vintage printed velvet dress by Don Luis de Espana; Life-Coach ring from C'est Magnifique;
monster turquoise ring (stylist's own); fragrance by L'lnstant de Guerlain.
1
o
Pa •
Blac· 1eatta· • he·
ous F
ory
China is wearing a dress by Williamsburg's own Boiykrazi Designs, and is standing inside the bathroom at
Artland Bar, a huge local hipster hotspot.
1
40
Icurve
What's even better than sitting on the edge of your seat watching a
contestant on Americas Next Top Modelget the boot or strut down the
catwalk? Watching Britains Next Top Model.Just think: sexier accents
and snarkier girls.
That's where 22,year,old androgynous hottie Lisa Fowler comes
in. Fowler, a personal trainer and an out lesbian from Hertfordshire,
England, debuted in cycle four of the popular show and she wasn't your
average TV reality star, or your average model. During an interview,
June Sarpong-one of the U.K:smost pop,
ular young presenters and the president
of her own production company, Lipgloss
Productions-told
Fowler that in some of her
pictures, she comes across as androgynous. "To be honest, I'm
quite comfortable with that;' says Fowler. "Some people would take
offense to that, but personally, I quite like it:'
As the show rolled on, it became dear that Fowler had a quirkiness
that the other girls just didn't. During the initial question,and,answer
session at the beginning of the show, someone inquired as to why she
thought she'd win. Instead of highlighting her style or her experience,
she came right out and said, 'Tm a bit silly and a bit mental:'
Things seemed to be going well enough until episode six, when she
got voted off the show. She says it was the catwalk portion that did it.
"Usually I'm in trainers, so I'm not used to walking in heels;' Fowler says.
"So my catwalk wasn't my strongest part-I've still got to practice:'
Fowler still wants to model, specifically for magazines and possibly
commercially. While on the show, Fowler says she learned a lot about
the modeling world. From training with Supple, a choreographer and
dancer who has worked with Madonna and Janet Jackson, and Jeanette,
a catwalk trainer who has modeled in magazines like Vogueand Italian
Vogue,to learning how to live in a house with 13 other model wannabes,
Fowler can't complain about the opportunities the show has given her.
"I learned how to show myself off in the best way;' she says. 'i\nd
what I need to improve on if I want to be a model:' But she hasn't set
her mind on that career track for certain. "It'd be quite cool if I started
training celebrities;' she says, ala Jackie Warner.
Even though Fowler didn't win the competition, she played it cool.
She's comfortable with her own personal brand of charm and she
isn't afraid to be herself 'Tve got a different look;' she says. 'Tm a bit
of a tomboy, and I reckon I could really stand out from the crowd:'
Sometimes, being yourself is more important than winning. ■
QUEER
FAMILY
VACATION
A wedding in Korea teaches one gal how to
stay sane when surrounded by her family
in a foreign country. By Kathleen Bryson
here we were, my immediate family of six, on its own without the moderating presence of partners and spouses
for the first time in 20 years, jet-lagged in a one bedroom
apartment in Busan, South Korea, for what was going to
be 10 days, awaiting the nuptials of my youngest brother.
At one point, overwhelmed by my family, I mentioned that
I was going to step outside for a few minutes, to which
my mother responded, "What's wrong with my kids, that
they all feel like they need to have personal space!" (Note: I
took the breather anyway.) My brother David, having fallen
in love with the lovely Hyun-Mi, was going to be married
in the cherry-blossom-bedecked city of Gyeongju within
days, and we were all going to have to keep it together
until then.
42
Icurve
After the initial 23,hour flight (with layovers) from
Portland, Ore., we were picked up at the airport and driven
back to David and Hyun,Mi's place, through the bewitching
neon Candyland of nighttime Busan. Then, after we had a jet,
lagged slumber of a mere four hours, the future groom and
bride took it upon themselves to show us as much of Korea
as possible in the 10 days that we were there. They borrowed
a van from one of Hyun,Mi's uncles, and we set off on South
Korea's winding, mountainous roads on our way to adventure
and at least 20 different kinds of kimchi over the next week
and a half We were, as it turned out, on the road a lot, ofren
driving for six hours a day, then hiking uphill for an hour, then
hiking uphill some more, then driving farther.
We started out at the beautiful Haeinsa Temple, where the
multicolored flags and prayer lanterns blowing in the breeze,
and the small piles of prayer rocks, were gorgeous and sooth,
ing. We were to visit many Buddhist temples over the next few
days, which inevitably meant that we'd be climbing up several
mountainsides. Koreans and Americans are similar in many
ways, one of which is that we both have a work hard,play hard
philosophy. (My impression is that they both work harder and
play harder than we do. Statistics back up the first half of my
impression: South Koreans work more hours than people in
any other industrialized nation.) eedless co say, we quickly
learned the Korean phrase palli,palli-"hurry, hurry!"
It was worth the hurrying to get to Haeinsa Temple, the
home of the Tripitaka Koreana. The Tripitaka scripts found
here are wooden blocks carved from birch trees in 1087 C.E.,
during the Goryeo Dynasty. These 81,340 scripts measure 27
inches by 9 inches each, and are housed in a special room at
the temple. Two hundred years later, the Koreans invented
metal movable type (beating the Gutenberg press by 257
years). Haeinsa Temple is a UNESCO World Treasure site,
one of many in Korea, a fact about which the Koreans are
understandably proud.
Late in the day, we drove to Jangseungpo to catch the ferry
to Odeo Paradise Island, located in the Hallyeo Maritime
ational Park. On the way, we were entertained by several
middle,aged Korean tourists singing along to loud K, Pop
€
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~
!
Q
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!i:
Left to Right: Buddhist Gateway at Gyeongju in South Korea; trees
at Odeo Island; Tripitaka Scripts; the author caving with her family
(Korean pop) disco music. There was smoked squid for sale
as well, and it was pretty tasty. Once we disembarked on
the island, we had an hour to walk up through a stunning
landscaped garden where much of the topiary looked like
something straight out of Dr. Seuss. At the top of the hill was
Greek statuary and one bizarrely American-looking group of
concrete Disney-esque animals. The sculpture park, created
by the wealthy businessman Lee Chang-ho and his wife, is
intended to be European, but to Western eyes it is a mash-up
of both Western and Eastern aesthetics.
It's often hard to retain a sense of yourself when you're traveling, but I've found that sometimes it's best to give up on those
preconceived notions and just go along for the ride. I would
never normally, for example, set foot in a military museum, as
we did at the Goeje POW Camp Museum in Gohyeun, later
the same day, but I have to admit that this was one of the most
well-designed museums I've ever seen. It was moving and
frightening and eye-opening all at the same time. The dioramas inside this museum (built on the site of a former POW
camp, which held captured North Korean soldiers during the
Korean War) were excellent, and the explanations in English
reminded me that it's not just the United States that tends
toward not-so-subtle patriotic propaganda.
The next day proved to be a bit more frivolous. Korea is
well-known for its amethysts (it is the third-largest producer
of the gems, after Brazil and Zambia), and you can purchase
beautiful ones, along with stunning pottery, in villages such as
Icheon. Amethysts are found in caves, and caves-though not
always amethysts-are found everywhere in this mountainous
land. Mi and David thought it would be fun to explore some
while we were there, so we went to six separate caves during
our stay. Our favorites were H wanseon Donggul, another
Disney-esque experience with steel stairways everywhere, and
the relatively undeveloped Seongnyugul.
Bulguksa is another remarkable temple and is also a
UNESCO site. I knew that the right-angled sun signfamiliar in the West due to the Nazis use of it as their
swastika-was still used as a religious symbol in India, but
I didn't know it was used this way in Korea, and I was dis-
concerted by the blinking, flashing disco lights of a 20-foothigh illuminated sun sign on our second night in Busan. This
ancient holy symbol is also painted on the walls of Bulguksa
Temple. The temple is also ornamented with intricately carved
dragons, fish, tiger statues and immense sacred Buddhas.
Koreans pride themselves both on their walking prowess
and on their having a variety of dishes for each meal (Mi and
David's wedding feast had no fewer than 32 separate dishes),
and, because were a family of experimental eaters who like hot
food, we did very well. Particular favorites included kimchi in
all its forms, bibimbap (a rice dish with egg and vegetables and
spices), sweet-potato glass noodles from street-food stalls,
bulgogi (Korea's famous marinated, self-barbecued beef)
and more seafood than you could shake a net at. We missed
the famous spas of Korea, where they scrub you down in hot
water and milk, and Changdeok Palace's secret gardens in
Seoul, but, damn it, we got our food.
Wandering the market streets of Busan takes mettle, but
you can always buy surprisingly good coffee in the wellfunctioning subway system to get a good buzz going. I was broke
by the time we got a chance to do some serious shopping, so I
settled for looking at the huge fish market, but I did splurge and
commission a cool trinket-you can get your name carved in
Korean script on a wooden stamp for around $20.
On the way to Mi's home village, it was mountainous driving again, which is always a little fraught (plus I played 61
games of Scrabble on my iPod in the van when I got tired of
my family and traveling). At several points, my other brother
told me he actually thought he was going to die and made
peace (or not) with that. That caused a number of discussionslash-arguments in the car. It was great and it was hectic. I
decided my family was crazy but loveable.
Finally,it was time for the wedding and Gyeongju, the wedding capital of Korea, with its icy-white cherry blossoms in full
bloom, was the place for the traditional shamanistic ceremony.
The wedding itself was amazing. The most interesting part was
when they brought in two chickens and what appeared to be
blood-letting bowls. The cock and hen weren't killed, though,
they were just given chicken feed. Mi, dressed in a traditional
hanbok,was brought in on a dais carried by her siblings. The
ceremony concluded with David carrying Mi piggyback into
one of the temple "houses:'
The newlyweds spent the rest of the day with our family
and some Japanese friends, touring the Shilla Kingdom sites
of Gyeongju in their wedding clothes. David had told me that
interracial marriages of any sort are generally viewed with
suspicion in Korea. So, when he and Mi toured the burial
mounds of the Shilla kings in full bridal attire, flanked by their
American and Japanese family and friends, they endured the
same kind of looks that same-sex couples are used to getting
in public. It was moving to witness and it made me respect
their bravery. It made me realize that there are many ways for
people to be "queer:' ■
It's often
hard to
retain a
sense of
yourself
when you're
traveling,
but I've
found that
sometimes
it's best to
give up on
those preconceived
notions
and just go
along for the
ride.
September 2009
I43
YKES IN
THAILAND
arm, sunny weather, tropical fruit and flowers, smiling faces,
cheap, beautiful accommodations- Thailand has it all. And
the Thai people are very accepting of visitors who swim outside the mainstream. Thailand could very well be the ultimate
lesbian getaway destination. Whether you're looking for
bustling cities, sparkling beaches, gastronomic extravagance
or chilled-out rain forests, you'll find it all here, and armed
with the following tips, you can make sure you'll spend your
hard-earned holiday dollars in friendly lesbian-owned and
-operated businesses.
BUSTING
OUTIN BANGKOK
If you're looking to meet people and find out what's going on
in one of the world's busiest capital cities, there's no one better
to ask than the creator of BangkokLesbian.com, the country's
most popular online lesbian community. Originally from New
York, Caitlyn Webster moved to Bangkok in 2005. "I wanted
to share the scene with other expats and tourists who are in
Bangkok;' Webster says.
In the beginning, it was just a listing of bars and events, but
now BangkokLesbian is an online community of over 850
members from all over the world. The site is in English and is
a great resource for locals and travelers alike.
Webster now also manages parties as part of her role at
BangkokLesbian. "Our parties are usually between 20 to 50
girls in a bar we reserve privately:' Many women come to the
parties alone, so Webster spends much of her time introducing
people, but she doesn't take her role as hostess too seriously.
It's not hard to find the rainbow in this
Asian paradise. Amy McDonald
"It's a great way to meet friends-or maybe more;' she laughs.
Webster recommends Zera and E-Fun, both womenonly nightclubs that are friendly and easy to gee to by taxi or
ruk-ruk. Zera has live music and a pool cable. Unlike other
Bangkok nightclubs, Zeta rends to cool down around 2 a.m.
If you're not into clubbing, E-Fun runs great events, like
their infamous Lesbian Car Rally.
"This was heaps of fun;' Webster says of the rally."Everyone
drove in their cars together and stayed overnight at a guest
house." For travelers without cars (or who didn't want to brave
the Bangkok traffic), E-Fun provided a bus, too. And, to make
it even better, all the money raised went to children's charities.
Bangkok is famous for shopping, so it comes as no surprise
that there are loads oflesbian-owned stores packed full of great
buys. China Journal is a lesbian-owned Chinese teahouse that
also sells antiques and books. It has a mixed clientele, the food
is wonderful, it's a great place for unusual souvenirs and the
eye candy is always tasty.
Make sure you visit Papercuts and The Pencil Sharpener
for the latest fashions from the up-and-coming Thai designer
couple Manisa Sakdiyakorn and Saitarn Karncharanwong. As
well as creating amazing Japanese-inspired tailored shirts and multi-pocket canvas totes, the couple also offer lesbian discounts through @tom act magazine. The score is chock-full of
fun accessories and clothing.
If you need to couch up your own style, drop into Tanainan
Beauty Salon. This lesbian-owned business stocks great
products and their stylists have won prestigious awards. The
salon is located in the very cool Thong Lor District, so once
you've been styled you are ready for more shopping, shopping,
shopping.
After all your clubbing, grooming and consuming, a little
rejuvenation may be in order. Check out YogaSense, a small,
tropical paradise in the bustling city. Though she welcomes
everyone, Spanish yoga teacher Sara Sanchez says her clientele
is largely women. The unofficial lesbian day is Wednesday, and
beginners are always welcome.
LA-LA
LANDOFTHEEAST
If Bangkok is New York City, Chiang Mai is Los Angeles.
Leafy, breezy and artsy, this city is a must for any visitor to
Thailand. A short flight or an overnight train ride from
Bangkok, this ancient city is awash in trendy coffee shops, galleries, markets and boutique guest houses. It is also famous for
classes in Thai massage and cooking.
For a great breakfast or a healthy lunch, head to Juicy 4 You
Juice Bar. This relaxed cafe has indoor and outdoor dining,
a small range of local art and jewelry for sale and a comprehensive and quirky community notice board. Fresh juice is the
specialty but the cafe also serves wonderful crepes, salads and
sandwiches. Thai food is also available.
The best women-only club in Chiang Mai is C2. Easy to
find and a short trip in a tuk-tuk (a motorized rickshaw)
from the main part of town, this venue has both casual outdoor dining and a bar area inside. Beware: The dinner menu
is entirely in Thai, but some of the staff speak English and the
specials board lists menu items in English as well. Try the stirfried chicken with cashew nuts or the tom yum with prawns.
C2 attracts a local crowd and whiskey, bought by the bottle, is
the drink of choice.
Instead of staying in Chiang Mai proper, consider taking
a 40-minute drive out to Mae Rim and staying at the
International Women's Partnership for Peace and Justice
Retreat Centre and Homestay. This lesbian-operated organization runs programs and training for women all across Asia
to promote grassroots social activism. The organization also
advocates for women's rights and has recently become more
heavily involved in the Sao-Sao-Et movement, a collective
advocating for queer rights in the north of Thailand.
The IWP retreat center has basic dorm rooms, a beautiful
mud-brick meditation hall and a library full of books on feminism, spirituality, Buddhism and queer rights. It is a sanctuary
and an amazing place to retreat. Plus, the village is home to
two brilliant Thai masseurs, both of whom offer two-hour
massages for less than $10.
En route to Chiang Mai, stop off at Elephantstay, a lesbianowned and -operated elephant conservation center located an
hour's drive from Bangkok. Michelle Reedy is a former senior
zookeeper at Australia's Melbourne Zoo and now co-runs
Elephantstay with her partner, Ewa Narkiewicz. "If you really
want to make a difference to any species, the most effective
way is to work in their country of origin;' Reedy says.
By staying at the center, you will be contributing to prolonging the life of older Asian elephants in a really practical
way. "As well as being surrounded by beautiful elephants and
friendly people, our guests have a real experience that is in no
way a tourist one;' Narkiewicz says.
When planning a trip to Elephantstay, Narkiewicz says
more is better. "The longer you stay, the more you can bond
with your elephant, which is a special experience:' Though, she
warns, the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave.
HITTING
THEBEACH
Head south to find hundreds of beach destinations, along
with the full spectrum of accommodations. All the beach
areas cater to Western tourists, so it's unlikely that you'll face
any discrimination (although you may encounter a raised
eyebrow if you stay in a double room in a remote place). For
queer-specific events and venues, it's better to stick to the main
tourist areas in Pattaya and Phuket.
If you like all things bright and shiny, you'll enjoy Phuket.
The island was devastated by the 2004 tsunami but has since
TOMSANDDEES
Thailand
isfamous
foritssextrade,
wheretheterm
"lesbian"
hastaken
onconnotations
of
pornography
made
formen.Soqueer
womeninThailand
preferto callthemselves
"toms"(for
tomboys)
or"dees"
(forladies),
roughly
corresponding
to the
terms"butch"and
"femme."
Generally,
thecategories
are
verypolarandif you
consider
yourself
more"androgynous"
thenyoumight
havea bitoftrouble
fittingin-at first.
Persevere.
Again,
Thaisarefriendly,
welcoming
people,
andthequeergirls
therecertainly
are
noexception!
If you
wanta reallook
intothelifeofThai
toms,pickupa copy
ofThailand's
only
lesbian
magazine,
@tomact.Themag
iswrittenalmost
entirely
inThai,but
theaddresses
of
coolplaces
to goare
easyto spot.And
thephotographs
are
worththeprice.
Thai delights (from
left): International
Women's Partnership for Peace and
Justice Retreat
Centre and Homestay in Chiang Mai;
Elephantstay's
Ewa Narkiewicz
(right) and Michelle
Reedy; Juicy 4 You
Juice Bar in Chiang
Mai; the author
poses on a
stone wall
been thoroughly renovated. Snorkel, play
gol£ canoe through caves, have a suit made,
take a Thai cooking class-everything is at
your fingertips in Phuket, only a short flight
from Bangkok.
Ulf Mikaelsson has run Connect
Guesthouse in the heart of Phuket's queer
quarter, Patong, for 11 years. "We say that
Connect is gay but straight-friendly, and of
course we include lesbians in this statement;'
Mikaelsson says.
Connect is a great place to meet people,
as is Mikaelsson's weekly boat tour to Kai
Island, a small island off Phuket. "We have
been doing this tour for 10 years, basically
every week all year round;' he says. Up to
130 people can turn up, so it's impossible not
to make some new friends. 'J\nd it's still the
only weekly tour for gays and lesbians in all
of Southeast Asia;' Mikaelsson adds.
What about his Phuket nightclub recomm ndationsr "The more popular places are
• Club and the Boat Bar;' he says. His pick
r a night out is Angel of Kata, a lesbianr taurant and bar with a pool table
and En lish- peakin ta.ff.
P tta , Thailand'
th r major queer• tion has a wellfo
tir d and
th
d tinaen ee.king
Thai ladi -
Bars& Restaurants
the sex trade is roaring. But this grittiness
makes Pattaya a really interesting destination, especially since 2009 is a Pattaya Gay
Festival year and there are heaps of events
planned. While many of them are aimed at
gay men, lesbians have not been forgotten.
Check pattayagayfestival.com for updated
programming.
GUIDED
BYGAYS
If all this is just too confusing, consider
taking an organized tour. Unfortunately, the
only lesbian-owned tour company closed
last year, so the best option is the Canadian,
gay-owned and -operated OUT Adventures.
This group's eco-friendly philosophy allows
only 12 travelers on any one tour and favors
small, locally owned hotels and restaurants
to maximize the chance to interact with local
communities. It also operates LGBT family
tours and, next year, will operate womenonly tours.
Life partners and cofounders Robert Sharp
and Steven Larkins are really passionate
about offering ethical tours for Westerners.
"We decided that somebody needed to offer
gays and lesbians an affordable, authentic
travel experience;' Sharp says. "Not only do
our trips leave some spending money in your
pocket, but they also take the worry and
hassle out of planning a vacation:' ■
YOGASENSE
en-akard
Road,
Sathorn,
Bangkok
a nse-bkk.com
aya
EN'S
CEANDJUSTICE
P
e
From
$999pp'
A IL MA RY
WHAT A PLACE
Searching for a miracle in Lourdes,
France. By Kelli Dunham
eather and I were not typical pilgrims at Lourdes, but sometimes you've got to throw caution to the winds and live a
little. And by that I mean fly 15 hours on a cut-rate international airline that doesn't even serve water without a sizable
bribe, then take an eight-hour train ride that involves three
transfers in as many different small French towns, then continue 40 minutes in what the guidebooks euphemistically
call a "shared rural taxi situation;' because the sharing in
question involves both people and livestock. But you do all
this when the goal is to find a miracle cure for your partner
who has cancer.
Lourdes, France, is a holy place for Catholics because in the
mid-19th century a teenage girl named Bernadette Soubirous
reportedly saw the Virgin Mary on 18 separate occasions.
Now, of course, that girl is known as St. Bernadette. After a
number of other miracles allegedly occurred there, it became
a shrine for millions of devout Catholic pilgrims-millions of
devout Catholic pilgrims, that is, and us.
Neither my partner Heather (whom I referred to as "my
queen;' before she passed away) nor I were practicing; however, we did call ourselves ironic Catholics-in a completely
unironic way. But when it comes to a miracle cure, you seek it
where you can get it. If someone had politely (or even not so
politely) suggested that Heather would be A-OK if we swam
naked together in a vat of whale feces, or fashioned ourselves
48
Icurve
matching butt plugs of ginger that we were to wear while singing the national anthem at a Cubs game, we would have given
it some serious thought, too.
This is how we came to be walking hand in hand in an
after-dark, thousands-of-lighted-candle-strong procession to
honor the Virgin Mary, among the sainterazzi of all Europe
and beyond, attempting to keep up with the rosary in French
and feeling-as my queen said later-profoundly queer.
True, Heather and I would never be mistaken for people
who fit in, even within our own national borders. She was an
activist and burlesque diva, and often made total strangers
gasp with her sheer glamour-even when coming back from
the gym. There was a rumor going around San Francisco that
she peed glitter, but because she would only say that it "brings
a whole new meaning to the term golden showers'" -this was
never confirmed. As for me, on a good day I look like a cross
between Dennis the Menace and Miss Hathaway from the
Beverly Hillbillies. And at that point it had been a very long
time since I'd had a good day.
We didn't have a big plan for our trip, at least not in the usual
touristy way. We were skipping museums and monuments
in exchange for a miracle. Since the usual miracle-seeking
path involved a dip in the sacred pools that have collected from
the spring that Bernadette discovered, visiting it was our only
agenda item for the next day.
0
§
~
a.
~
a.
i
Q
I accompanied Heather to the building where volunteers
helped pilgrims lower themselves into the 60-degree pools
then stood there awkwardly for a moment, stuck for something to say.
"Good, uh, luck;' I said, but she was already in the door.
I waited outside, reclining on the warm lawn and playing
a game of Spot the Nun. After what seemed like a very long
while, I felt a few drops of water on my face and turned to my
right. The spray was coming from Heather, towering over me
and shaking. She had obviously had quite a cry. This did not
seem like a positive sign.
She spat, "Jesus Christ, they didn't even have any towels!"
I countered with a tentative,"So, um, how do you-feelt
"The same;' she said, and then, after a moment, added, "but
colder. Much colder:'
We had long ago learned that when the situation was very
bad, my tendency was to try to overcome it with the sheer
quantity of words I would level at it. I had, therefore, been
advised by Heather that the only phrase permitted in such
situations was a simple 'Tm sorry:'
'Tm sorry;' I said, getting up.
She was silent for a moment, took my hand and said, "I
know:'
We walked back toward the hotel and Heather sent me to
get some food. This was easier said than done, since Heather
was practically eating a vegan diet at the time, and we were in
rural France. I returned to the hotel two hours later with the
only non-meat, non-cheese food item I could find: a medium
size bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.
"I only found ... " I began to say, but she waved me away
with, "Just. Whatever. I'm hungry. Set the table and we'll eat:'
Ten minutes later, she was glaring at me across the potato
chip-laden table. We both reached for the bag, and then collapsed into laughter.
"Goddamn, this trip sucks!" I said, between guffaws.
"It sucks ass;' she agreed.
The next morning at the train station, I went to check
on our luggage, once I saw that Heather was safely aboard.
Unfortunately, I didn't note the track number, so after I completed my errand there was a frantic 10 minutes of searching
for the right train. If Heather hadn't leaned out the open door
and waved to me, I might still be standing on that platform.
An American tourist, who was sitting across from us and
had been watching our little comedy play out, said, in an exaggerated California surfer boy accent, "Dude, it's a frickin'
miracle you all found one another:'
Heather ruffled my newly sweaty hair.
She said, "Yeah, that is our frickin' miracle;' and kissed my
cheek as I sat down. ■
Whether you're going scuba diving on the Great Barrier
Reef or just taking a road trip with your girlfriend,
recording your adventures will allow you to revisit them
when you're too old and gray to remember
anything without a little help. That makes
Everywoman's Travel Journal (Ten Speed
Press) the perfect travel companion.
Haven't been keeping a journal since you
were 12? Don't worry-the travel journal
includes helpful tips on how to begin filling those pages and hints from novelist
Barbara Kingsolver on different ways to
record your experiences. It also includes
useful stuff like packing checklists, natural
remedies for common ailments like jet lag
When it
comes a to
miracle cure
you seek it
where you
can get it.
If someone
had politely
(or even not
so politely)
suggested
that Heather
would be
A-OK if we
swam naked
together
in a vat of
whale feces
we would
have given
it some
serious
thought,
too.
and hangovers, a place to record your travel itinerary
and important contact information, lists of languages
and currencies used around the world, time zones
and maps, addresses and contact information for U.S. embassies and tips on
etiquette, body language and dress in
forei_gncountries (in Iceland, for example,
tips can be considered insulting). While it
doesn't come with any blank pages for the
artistic lezzies among us, it does have an
accordion pocket to hold small keepsakes
like ticket stubs, post cards or that napkin
the hot Parisian chick passed you with her
phone number scrawled on it. ($13, tenspeed.com) [ArielMessman-Rucker]
September 2009
I49
Hot springs and hotter nights in
the Arctic. By Rachel Shatto
estled in a vast landscape of rugged volcanic rock, and under
a cloud,like blanket of steam, the Blue Lagoon is an other,
worldly Icelandic oasis. Created from the geothermal runoff
of the Svartsengi Power Plant-which
towers ominously
over the lagoon-this man,made hot spring has become one
of Iceland's most popular tourist destinations, and with good
reason. Not only is it supernaturally beautiful-it's good for
the complexion, too.
In the past, references to Iceland may have conjured up
visions of Bjork in a swan dress and tall blond people dining
on fermented shark, but with its newly elected, out lesbian
prime minister, Johanna Sigurdardottir, Iceland has shot
straight to the top of the list of must,visit vacation destina,
tions. Alchough same,sex marriage is still under review by
the government, queer couples currently enjoy equal access to
adoption, IVF and surrogacy. And Icelandic gays and lesbians
are also allowed to serve openly in the military. But, politics
aside, no trip to gay,friendly Iceland is complete without a dip
in the Blue Lagoon.
The water is a light blue,green and is so iridescent that
it appears to be lit from below. It gets its trademark color
from a mixture of silicate, minerals and blue,green algae, all
of which are good for the skin and leave the bather feeling
silky smooth.
Located 20 minutes from Keflavik Airport and 45 min,
utes from Reykjavik proper, the Blue Lagoon is the perfect
place for a stopover on your way to departures-or
a soothing
remedy for the torments of a lengthy inbound flight.
For those of you who, like me, thought a trip to the
so I curve
Arctic precluded the need for a two,piece, there is no need
to miss out on the fun. A rental suit and towel will run you
$6 each (and you thought bowling shoes were personal).
Rental swimwear may sound a bit creepy, but you can't beat
the price! For those feeling a little squeamish about flaunting
their stuff in an unflattering, ill,fitting, rented bathing suit,
fear not-the
waters of the lagoon are opaque, so even if
The water is a light blue-greenand is so
iridescentthat it appears to be lit from
below. It gets its trademark color from a
mixtureof silicate,mineralsand blue-green
algae,all of which are good for the skin
and leavethe bather feelingsilky smooth.
you aren't looking your best, no one will know the differ,
ence once you're submerged.
After the mandatory pre,dip shower, you are free to head
out to the lagoon. The shower, while not for the faint,of,
public,nudity heart, is one of the many ways in which the
lagoon is kept clean. In addition, the water is tested daily for
numerous micro,organisms and is also completely renewed
every 40 hours.
Having survived the shower and rented the suit, it's time
for you to reap your reward: For a mere $36, visitors can float
their cares away with a 20,minute massage in 104,degree
Fahrenheit luxury. If that's not enough pampering, they also
offer a variety of tempting spa treatments-all
while you
float in the restorative waters of the lagoon. I suggest the
silica massage for two, so that you and your special lady can
luxuriate side by side.
For the more DIY-inclined, placed strategically around the
lagoon are buckets full of silicate mud to use as an impromptu
facemask. It works wonders, but be warned: Don't rub. Place
it gently on your face and let it dry, or you may end up looking like your aesthetician is part mountain lion.
After a swim (and a second round of mandatory showers),
you may be feeling a bit peckish. Fortunately, the lagoon has
both a cafe and the Lava Restaurant. Built into the side of a
di.ff, the restaurant boasts a wall made of volcanic rock and a
viewing deck perfect for sipping cocktails while looking out
over the water.
The Blue Lagoon also offers a gift shop featuring the
spa's entire product line, made of the silicates found in the
lagoon itself, along with all the routine gifts and novelties
for tourists.
While accommodations are available at the lagoon, to
get the full Iceland experience a stay in the capital city of
Reykjavik is a must. The family-owned 4th Floor Guesthouse
is centrally located near art galleries and cafes, but most
importantly, it is within stumbling distance of the clubs.
The rooms are decorated in minimalist style, with hardwood
floors and animal print duvets; and the mattresses-well,
they can't be beat. After a long night of techno and Brennivin
shots ( the deceptively smooth signature alcoholic beverage of
Iceland, also known as Black Death), the beds are soft, fluffy
and oh-so-inviting.
The Blue Lagoon is like no other place you've been. With
its lunar-like setting and incandescent water, it-like much
of Iceland-leaves you with the sense that you have not just
visited another country, but another planet. ■
IT'S HARD NOT TO LOVE CIRQUE DU SOLEIL
I'm notwhatyou'dthinkof as"aVegas"
person.
I don'tgamble.
I don'tloveneonor glitzor even
buffets.Butlikea lotof SinCityvisitors,
I go
fortheshows,mostoften,a CirqueduSoleil
show.ThereareCirqueshowsplayingaround
theworld;sixof themin LasVegasrightnowat
differentdestination
hotels:OattheBellagio,
partof it isthatit's unabashedly
homoerotic,
trans-friendly,
delightfully
Sapphic,
andintenton
engaging,
titillatingandshocking
theaudience
withsomeboundary
pushing
sequences
that
involve
S/M,fetishes,
aquaphilila,
multiracial
libidinism,
bondage
andevenfemaleaerial
acrobatic
autoerotic
asphyxia.
(Even
I wasrather
one,twowomencontortionists
glidethrougha
giantfishbowl,
movingin andoutof it atopeach
other.Thefluidmovements
andthesensuality
of
thewholesceneisjaw-droppingly
breathtaking.
Inthenextvignette-themostcontroversial
sequence,
whichhasbeenreportedly
toned
downbecause
somanyaudience
members
KAat theMGMGrand,CrissAngelBelieveat
theLuxor,Mystere
atTreasure
Island,andThe
Beatles
LOVE
at theMirageand,myfavorite,
Zumanity,
at NewYork-New
York.
Zumanity
is a provocative
cabaret,
sortof a
liveeroticartshowthat'sbothplayfulandtastefullyforbidden
(atleastforstraightAmerica)
and
thankfully
nothingliketheglitzytoplessnumbers
madefamousbyShowgirls.
Andthebest
shocked
bythelatter,thoughit wasmonths
beforeDavidCarradine's
death.)
Theshowbeginslikeanoldtentcircus,
witha manandwomanintroducing
viewers
to
thehedonistic
natureof Zumanity,
witherotic
queriesandsextoyssortof lobbedat audience
members,
whiletheuptightstraightguyssquirm
andlookpanicked.
Twoqueeractsareworthyof specialnote.In
walkedout-two men(oneblack,onewhite)
areconfined
in a cage,expressing
passion,
love,
angerandragethrougha primalgaytango.
Sucha multi-layered,
decadent
workcallsfor
a muchlongerdescription,
butI don'thavethe
spacehere.I'mgoingbackto Vegas,
for another
showandanother
chance
to playvoyeurbehind
thegreendoorof MiddleAmerica,
gambling
be
damned.
[DianeAnderson-Minshall]
September 2009
I51
Stuck,in
a :!vliddfe
P,astern
C[oset
The L Word!"my girlfriend, Jamie, exclaimed. "What?
·ed scanning the shelves of DVDs, half wanting to
e store might have The L Word and half knowing she
must be joking. However, we had just rented The Wire, which has a
lesbian main character, so I thought, Hey, anything is possible.
But after a couple of seconds, I turned and saw Jamie giggling.
Realizing I'd been had, I gave her a little shove and laughed, too.
My girlfriend lives and works in the United Arab Emirates
(U.A.E.), one of several Islamic countries in the Middle East that
has laws imposing the death penalty for "homosexual activities:'
While laws and cultural conventions surrounding homosexuality vary
throughout the Muslim world, only a few Muslim scholars have challenged the interpretation of the Quran that condemns homosexuality.
Instead, the discussion usually revolves around the degree of punishment and what constitutes a homosexual act. In fact, Jamie (not her
real name) was reluctant to have me write about our experiences and
she asked that I not name the city she's living in, because of the possible repercussions.
In 2004, Irshad Manji, an out lesbian, sent ripples through the
Muslim world when she wrote The Trouble with Islam Today: A
Muslim's Call for Reform in Her Faith, questioning whether the
Quran does, in fact, state that homosexuality is a sin. As a result
of her challenge to Muslim convention, she has received numerous
death threats.
52 I curve
Despite these factors, a large number of gay, lesbian and bisexual
professionals, including Jamie, have flocked to the U.A.E. because
jobs are plentiful and salaries can be double what they are back home.
Lesbians can be found in a variety of powerful positions all over the
Middle East-one woman works for a royal family, another is a key
government figure and yet another is a frequent consultant to top
policy players. But all lesbians living in the U.A.E. have to lead a closeted life or risk losing their jobs ( a given), going to jail (likely) or being
sentenced to death (a real threat).
As I packed for my first trip to visit Jamie, I sorted through my
clothes, debating over which ones looked too butch and which ones
made me look too femme. Although my girlfriend is definitely femme,
making it easier for her to blend in, I am definitely not. I found myself
in a catch-22 because I tend to look more femme when I wear tightfitting clothes, but those are seen as a sign of disrespect to Muslim
culture. Needless to say, I found part of myself wishing I could wear
the local dress so that I could hide my butch-isms.
Most women in the U.A.E. follow Islamic custom and wear long
black robes and veils. Although the traditional Emirate veil is a mask
that covers the eyes, part of the cheeks and the nose, today most
Emirate women wear a simpler version of the veil instead. Some
veils cover the face fully, while others leave a small slit for the eyes.
Some women just wrap the cloth around their heads, covering only
their hair. Men dress in long white robes called dishdasha,which
:,::
0
~
2<!
~
:r:
(/)
~
o
somehow never seem to wrinkle or get dirty. They wrap their
heads in a checkered cloth called a qutra. Most wear sandalsfrequently with heels that are so high they resemble those worn
by Western women. Aviator sunglasses are a frequent accessory
for both women and men: The enormous pictures of the royal
family posted around the city even show them donning the
ubiquitous shades.
When I arrived at the airport for my first visit, I searched
the mostly black~ and white~headed crowd at the customs exit
for my girlfriend's red hair. When we spotted each other, she
gave me a tight hug, holding on extra long, but we couldn't risk
a kiss until we were in the darkened car-and even that was a
bit gutsy.
The first night was spent consciously dodging the open win~
dows of her apartment whenever we were affectionate toward
each other. In the following days, I found myself becoming more
and more lonely because, in many ways, I could not be myself. I
missed being able to take Jamie to a club to hold her a~d dance.
And I missed being able to hold her gaze wherever I went. Even
Jamie's friends-including
the ones from the United Statesdon't know that she is bisexual, because the risk is too high.
Although there is no evidence that anyone has been put to
death recently for homosexual acts in the U.A.E., in 2005 a
group of 22 gay men were arrested in a hotel room in Dubai
while having a private wedding celebration. The police deported
all the foreigners but sentenced the local men to prison. These
men were offered the option of undergoing male hormone injec~
tions and psychiatric treatments to "correct" their gayness in
return for a lighter sentence. The incident was reported in the
international news, but details were scarce and contained no
mention of public outrage in the U.A.E. that the men had been
arrested for homosexual activities.
As Jamie commented, "Tuey have numerous Matthew
Shepards but no shocked community. There is even a heart~
sinking absence of negative remarks about gays or lesbians:'
While I was there, a straight colleague of my girlfriend's
who has been in the country for over six years commented off~
handedly, "You know, it's not really as bad as everyone makes it
out to be. People think that everyone here is put to death, but
the reality is that there is an active, thriving gay community. It's
just don't ask, don't tell:' But, as my girlfriend put it, she has, "no
idea how to find that community because I am too afraid to ask
anyone about it:'
Later on, Jamie did meet a lesbian couple. Over coffee, she
asked them about gay politics in the U.A.E., but they both
responded to her questions with "disappointing blank stares;'
not having anything exciting to report. On another occasion, she
joined a few of her friends in an underground gay club in Dubai.
Although there were a lot of people bumping up against each
other and hugging, no one dared to kiss.
With so many things changing in the region, maybe the
endemic homophobia will change, too. And, while I won't hold
my breath, I am considering bringing some butch clothes back
with me on my next visit-if for nothing else than to make Jamie
laugh and remind her of the community she misses. ■
Armedwithspunkand
a pairof lace-upboots,
PadmaGovindan
tacklesqueerIndia.
By KristenV. Brown
s committed suicide in 2008, the LGBT commuservative Indian state of Tamil Nadu was outraged.
, partners for 10 years, had been forced apart by their
famili
ithout resources or options, they saw no other choice but
to die, clinging to each other as they burned.
Enter Padma Govindan, a discrimination-fighting, resourceproviding Indian American activist in tall, lace-up boots and artitude to
match. In 2007, Govindan cofounded the Shakti Center in Chennai
(Tamil Nadu's capital) with a mission statement promising to bring
out into the open what is usually discussed behind closed doors
(namely, sex).
Hailing from New Jersey, Govindan, 25, (who has Tamilian parents), did a lot of queer activist work while studying at Middlebury
College, but first became aware that Chennai needed a forum for
sexual minorities-and
sex in general-when she moved there after
college to work as a domestic violence counselor.
"I met all these people in Bombay [now Mumbai], and talked to
all these organizations in Delhi, doing all this intellectually and academically rigorous work on sexuality;' she says. "I kind of thought
Chennai would be the same, and it just wasn't:' So, Govindan and
a couple of friends decided to start the Shakti Center themselves.
Two years later, she's still there, educating the community, making
54
Icurve
people uncomfortable (she says her family in India has "thrown their
hands up in the air;' having accepted that she's "the weird one in
the family")-and generally kicking butt as Chennai's own activist
superhero.
The center's raison d'etre is to open up dialogue about sexuality-in
India sex of any kind, let alone queer sex, is still a taboo subject. They
hold film screenings, lectures and art shows; host support groups
for the queer community; facilitate a once-a-week help hotline and
teach sex education and empowerment to local 10th grade girls. In
the works is also an initiative for one-on-one peer counseling for the
local queer community.
And, on top of all that, Govindan writes a rather controversial
sex advice column, "Indian (Queer)ies;' which just went big timemoving from a local paper to Marie ClaireIndia. Govindan admits
that "85 percent of the questions are about masturbation, and from
teenage boys;' but often, she says, they publish much heavier hitting
questions on topics like incest and coming out.
One of the center's increasingly more important goals is to reach
out to the lesbian community, a community that, in India, is often
even more marginalized than either the gay or the transgender community. The Shakti Center is the only real resource for lesbians in the
whole of Tamil Nadu, and one of only a handful in all of India.
~
~
g
~
-
---
-----------------------------------
1
"HIV is the main discourse for discussing sexuality in
Sangama, an LGBT organization that runs India's
LOOK FOR
India. So men have new space to talk about sexual desire,
MORE INDIA
only shelter for women of sexual minorities.
COVERAGE IN
but women were never seen as part of that whole fram~
Likewise, even in Kerala, perhaps India's most
AN UPCOMING
ing [of HIV];' explains Govindan. Gay women are also
liberal state, where fellow activist Deepa Vasudevan
ISSUE!
often left out of the discussion of Section 377-the out~
runs India's only help hotline intended co reach gay
dated British penal code that prohibits gay sex and is cur~
women exclusively, the majority of the calls still come
rently under review by the Delhi High Court-because
the
from men.
law isn't seen to apply to them.
"We are still struggling with how to reach lesbian women,
"Our biggest question has been, How can we talk to woment
especially the Tamil~speaking;' says Govindan. "There are a lot of
explains Govindan. "We don't want to be just another organization
consequences for women who want to talk about sex. They are
only associated with gay men:'
silenced:'
Gay women are even harder to gain access to because women are
Women are often pushed into marriage and forced to stay in it,
often already a marginalized group.
especially in conservative areas. But Govindan sees hope.
"It's harder to reach out to women because they are invisible, and
"All of us know women informally who identify as queer, but they
the issue is invisible. It just hasn't gained enough publicity compared
don't want to come to a meeting. They're really, really scared;' she
to those affected by HIV," says Sumathi Murthy, the director of
says. "But getting them through our door is half the battle:' ■
REVIEWSMusic Watch
Soul Sisters
Listen to these smokin' soulful sounds this September. By Margaret Coble
Abnormally
Attractedto
Sin,ToriAmos(Universal
Republic
Records):
Formore
than15years,this stunning
ginger-haired
chanteuse
has
beenputtingoutalbumsand
reinventing
heridentitywhile
still maintaining
a soundthat
is quintessentially
Tori.This
timearound,hercrystalline,
achingvocalsarepairedwith
plentyof the mid-songtempo
andmoodswingsthat have
cometo represent
Amos'signaturestyle."Give"and"That
Guy"aretrip-hopballads
thatbringto mindthe best
of Portishead,
andthe most
single-friendly
cut,"Police
Me,"hasan industrialedge
reminiscent
of earliercollaborationswith NineInchNails'
TrentReznor.
There'snodoubt
thatfansof Amoswill besatisfiedwiththis latestedition,
particularly
sinceit's available
for freeon herMySpace
page,
thoughnewcomers
maywant
to warmupto herinnovative
andfrequentlydiscordant
stylewitha moreuser-friendly
album-maybeUnderthe
Pink.(universalrepublic.
com)
[RachelShatto]
56
Icurve
With a mix of old- and new-school stylings, vocalists
Stephanie McKay, LaKisha Jones and Teena Marie
are scorching the microphone with their soulful
sounds.
you singing and bouncing along. Alternately romantic
throw-back and block party, Tell It Like It Is does it
all, and well. (muthas.co.uk)
So GladI'm Me, LaKisha
Jones(EliteMusic}:Though
TellIt like It Is, Stephanie
McKay(Muthasof Invention): LaKisha wasn't my favorite contestant on the sixth
I first heard this Bronx-bred diva with the Brooklyn season of American Idol (I was a Melinda Doolittle
Funk Essentials in the '90s. With her luscious voice fan), this debut album has really won me over. While
( think Jill Scott or Sharon Jones), a hybrid soul-funkoften put in the same category as classic R&B and
hip-hop sound that bridges the decades between the gospel icons like Patti LaBelle and Yolanda Adams,
'70s and now, and eloquent lyrics that deal with the Jones has one of those versatile, soulful voices that
socio-political realities of today, McKay might just
can handle anything, and So Glad I'm Me does a
be my favorite new artist. This recent
great job of showing it off while
12-song album is her second full-length
remaining very genuine. There are
effort (her debut LP came out in 2003,
the obligatory stabs at commerwith an EP follow-up in 2006). From
cial radio, like the hand-clapping
the opening tide track, which bears
bumper "Let's Go Celebrate;' but
witness to some harsh realities of life in
many tracks offer a fresh, downmodern-day Harlem, to the funky greed
to-earth
(not over-produced)
critique "M.o.n.e.y.;' to the nostalgic
quality that's sorely lacking in con"Jackson Avenue;' the most commercially
temporary R&B. The title track
appealing cut with its loping hip-hop
posits her as the newest Mary
LaKis~aJones
beats and lighter mood, McKay keeps
J. Blige, while she also adeptly
~
6
::3~
~
~
~
jco
u
6
w
tti:
~
I
fif
0
f
§
g
~
~
tackles Whitney Houston's "You Give Good
Love:' The autobiographical "Grateful" and
a sweet ode to her daughter, "Beautiful Girl;'
stand out to me as speaking straight from her
heart. This is simple, well-produced contemporary urban fare. (elitemusicllc.com)
Congo
Square,
TeenaMarie(Stax):It takes a lot
of guts for a white singer-songwriter to name
her album Congo Square-after the historic
New Orleans site where African slaves were
allowed to gather to worship, often cited as
TrioB.C.
Nightof 1000Stars
Girlin a Coma
BlameSally
{OpusMusicVentures) {Blackheart)
Fallingsomewhere
betweenthe Dixie
Chicksandthe Indigo
Girls,SanFrancisco's
favoritefemalefolk-·
popquartetreleases
a sparklingnew
12-trackset featuring
the swirling,Middle
Eastern-flavored
"VeraChiesa"and
the slideguitarand
finger-pickin'fest
"Hurricane,"
among
manyothermelodic
winners.(opusmusicventures.
com)
the birthplace of jazzbut if anyone can get
away with it, the saucy
R&B-soul singer known
as "Lady Tee" can. A
mainstay in the African
American music scene
since her 1979 debut on
Motown Records, and a
renowned protege of Rick
James, Marie just released
the 13th album of her 30year career, a jazzier but still solidly R&B set
that features collaborations with rapper MC
Lyte ( the funky "The Pressure") and Faith
Evans ("Can't Last a Day"), among others. At
53, the selfproclaimed"Ivory Queen of Soul"
can still kick it old-school, and quite well;
"Baby I Love You" and "Ear Candy 101" are
sexy slow grooves, while "Harlem Blue" and
"The Rose 'n Thorn" add horns and an extrajazzy flair. Turns out, Marie just discovered
her family tree has roots in New Orleans,
so the album's tide and jazzy excursions are
even more fitting. (concordmusicgroup.com)■
Sonic Comic
"Everything in the song is absolutely
true, unfortunately;' comments this
singer-songwriter-comedian and selfdescribed Britney Spears body double
about her tune ''I'm a Middle Aged
Woman:' And, given the number
of online spin-off fan videos, Lisa
Koch's
brand of absurd confessional
comedy is clearly resonating with
millions of fans.
Known for her warped humor in songs
like "The Carpenters: Uncomfortably Close
to You" and "Ham for the Holidays: Swine,
Women and Song," Koch is well-loved in her
home city of Seattle, and a favorite on Olivia
cruises as well as at theaters and festivals all
over the United States.
'Tm a Middle Aged Woman" was written in 2005 for a one-woman show called
Return to Planet Lisa. "I noticed that my
comedian friends of a certain age were
working their own hormonal experiences
into their acts. We all would compare stories. After laughing my ass off with [lesbian]
comic Michele Balan-the most bizarre
hot-flash stories I've ever heard-I wrote
the song;' Koch recalls.
It wasn't long before it was being passed
around cyberspace as a song file, then as a
video. ''A couple of those videos went viral,
and it was nutzo. One video had 3 millionplus views;' says Koch." [There are] drag
TheFutureWillCome TVIs MyParent
queens and housewives lip syncing to it, lesSia
TheJuanMaclean
bian line dancers dancing to it-it was even
(Monkey
Puzzle/Concord)
{DFA)
used as music for a horse reining competition. My family is so proud:'
If youlovedthe Human Thisout,quirkypop
She finally put up her own video
singer'sDVDoffers
League,
Giorgio
(heylisa.com), a performance at out comic
plentyof bangfor your
Moroderor anyother
buck.Notonlydoesit
'80ssynth-pop,
The
Vicki Shaw's birthday party that has garfeaturea liveconcert
JuanMaclean(aka
nered a mere 16,000 hits. It shows a glimpse
in the HirnBallroom
JohnMacleanand
of her other work, too, including shots of
from2008(digthe
NancyWhang)
will
her in a nun's habit, as Xena, as a hippie and
glow-in-the-dark
workyouout.From
decked out in male drag.
costumes
onthe
thetribal-sounding
Is it mostly"women of a certain age" who
openingnumber),
but
bangsandfeedback
love the song? "It really strikes a chord with
alsoseveralmusic
interludes
of thetitle
women, but it definitely crosses boundaries.
track,to the Chicago videos,includingthe
The song absolutely makes men laugh ... perhousesynthchordson viralhit "Buttons,"plus
haps simply out of fear;' she jokes.
"OneDay,"the history lotsof footagefromher
Once you've seen her, you won't forget her.
2007NorthAmerican
of dancemusicis
Don't miss a chance to see Koch in action.
tour.And,for thedieencapsulated
in their
But if she's dressed as a nun, don't get too
boy-girlvocalplayand hardfans,hiddenclips
(concordEuro-trash
keyboard throughout.
close. I hear she carries a big ruler. [Jamie
musicgroup.com)
programming.
(dfaAnderson]
TheSanAntonio,
Texas,indierocktrio
whose2007debut,
BothBeforeI'm Gone,
causedsucha sensation,arebackwithan
evenbetterfollow-up.
Workingagainwith
JoanJett,theyare
soundingmuchtighter
andmoremature.The
newalbumfeatures
theirfirst songin
Spanish,
plus13 other
hard-driving
rockers.
LeadsingerNinaDiaz
hasa Morrisseymeets-Siouxsie
voice
that reallymakesthis
band.(blackheart.com) records.com)
September 2009
I57
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Queer Fears
A short story collection turns horror on its head. By Rachel Pepper
BitingtheApple,LucyJane
Bledsoe{Carroll& Graf):
Everybody
wantsa pieceof
EveGlass,asif somehow
all theirdreamscanbe
realizedthroughherlife.Her
highschoolcoachseeshis
futurein Evethefirsttime
hewatchesherrunaround
thetrack.HeturnsEveinto
an Olympic
athleteand
marriesher,thenattemptsto
steerherlifeevenaftertheir
divorce.
Andherpublicist
thinksshecanmoldEve,who
is a successful
writerand
motivational
speaker,
intothe
nextbigthing.Butdespite
everyone's
plans,Eve'slife is
a wreck.Sheobsesses
overa
womanshebarelyknowsandkeepsgettingarrestedfor
shoplifting.
Willsheultimately
beableto findherownpath?
Fewlesbianwritershave
Bledsoe's
giftfor storytelling
anddialogue.
Eachsentence
is meticulously
crafted,and
readlikeminiworksof art
in andof themselves.
The
storyandthestyleall come
togetherbrilliantlyasa strong
andquirkywomanquestions
whatit meansto liveauthentically.(perseusbooks.
com)
[KathyBeige]
tions, our grip on reality and our sense of physical
safety. Kestrel Barnes"'Shark" is the story of the children of a butch-femme couple who live in harmony
This issue, queer tales of the supernatural to spook in the wilderness, until their shark-studying mother
you, and an old fashioned coming-out love story to drowns and an evil new stepmother, who the narrasoothe you.
tor feels is an actual shark, steps onto the scene. Suki
Lee's riveting story "Sido" shows what can transpire
Fist of the SpiderWoman,ed. AmberDawn(Arsenal when a trip to Paris goes scarily awry, and Kristyn
Pulp Press):This short story collection, featuring Dunnion's "Homeland" can best be described as
"tales of fear and queer desire;' is one of the quirkiest
every scorned baby dyke's revenge fantasy spun sideand most enjoyable books I've come across recently. ways. Other standouts are "Conspiracy of Fuckers;'
Here, 15 authors, most lesbian and bisexual, tackle Nomy Lamm's take on phone sex spliced with parathe topic of fear. Bue, instead of rehashing the fear of noia, and Mette Bach's creepy medical story 'J\ll You
crumbling relationships or economic downturns or Can Be:' While some of the stories do have an S/M
even the lesbian-centric fear of vampires, the authors
twist, the predominant theme in the collection isn't
in this collection focus on the kind of fear likely to be sexual. Rather, the stories seem to confront fears that
found in the world of Hitchcock gone.queer.Turning
lurk slightly off the grid, making them all the more
horror on its head, the writers infuse their stories enjoyable to encounter in such a cute little cartoonw
with both the mundane (Michelle Tea's pre- covered package. (arsenalpulp.com)
0
0
viously published "Crabby;' about pubic lice)
LU
-'
fg_
and the supernatural ( the editor's own piece, TheTrouble
withEmilyDickinson,
Lyndsey
D'Arcangeloffi
"Here Lies the Last Lesbian Rental in East (AlphaWorldPress):If you like your lesbian love iE
Vancouver;' about a lesbian ghost spooking stories simple and your endings sweet, then this is ~
a:
a female couple out of their house). The best a book you'll enjoy. Curve contributor and Goldie I()
(/)
stories are the ones in which lines are crossed finalist Lyndsey D'Arcangelo sets the scene at a pri- ::J
-'
>and boundaries are frayed-shattering our emo- vate prep school, where her teenage protagonists are I
(/)
[l_
58
Icurve
Q+A
Susan Smith
Buffalo-based fiction writer Susan Smith
recently published her third book, Put Away
Wet (boldstrokesbooks.com), an erotic tale
of a young butch's exploration of her sexuality. Smith, whose previous novels, including
Of Drag Kings and the Wheel of Fate and
Burning Dreams, addressed gender identity,
is also a cofounder of HAG Theatre, the
first all-lesbian theater company in the
United States. She talks about young
butches, older women and queer
storytelling.
In yourprevious
books,you'veemployedfluidgenderidentities,
butin
PutAwayWet,Joeyself-identifies
as
butch.Tellmeaboutthisshift.
Female masculinity is one of my major
themes, but I wanted to look at a different portion of it. Butch was also one of my
coming-out stages-I began to assess the
are still figuring out who they are and
what they want out of life. This is a classic
girl-meets-girl romance with just enough
twists to keep the breezy plot rolling
along. JJis a kind-hearted jock who writes
poetry on the sly and falls hard for Kendal,
the straight cheerleader she's tutoring in
poetry. It's nice to think that poetry could
be the link that bridges the straight and
gay worlds, and here that idea is used to
its full effect. The text includes some lines
of Dickinson's poetry that, in the context
of the story, are made to look like they've
been written by JJfor Kendal. It's a gamble
to conflate scribbled teeh angst with the
work of one of the best poets of all time,
and it's passable in the plot only because
the book is actually geared for a youngadult audience that possibly won't know
the difference. Unfortunately, the cover
design is lackluster, and may not draw in
the teen readers it aims to reach. Still, it's
a solid addition to LGBT young-adult
lit, and will also be a pleasant beach read
for the adult lesbian audience, who'll find
they're rooting for this fictional couple
on the cusp of a relationship destined for
success. (alphaworldpress.com) ■
idea that butch was a good
thing, a thing with a history
and an identity, or a place in
the community that can be
sexual, positive, respected and
associated with noble and
valid traits. This was something I wanted to explore in
the book.
Whatinterests
youabout
theyoungbutch-older
womandynamicin Put
I've had the great good fortune of being
mentored by a number of profoundly intelligent, committed and passionate old-school
femme women throughout my career,
including Madeline D. Davis (longtime gay
activist and founder of the Madeline Davis
Buffalo Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender
Archives of Western N.Y.],and Margaret
Smith, the founding director of the HAG
Theatre. Because they
influenced me on so many
levels, I wanted to send a
bit of a love letter to that
kind of relationship-for
me, the emotional and
pedagogical content of it
reflects back to Sappho and
ancient Athens, and I like
that dynamic.
Wheredoyouseeyourselfin thelargerworld
of queerstorytelling?
In my 20s, I found myself as a lesbian storyteller. I used my own voice a lot and acted
with the HAG. As I get older, I see myself
as more of a queer storyteller because I
embrace more of the community, and I'm
seeing where gender identity overlaps an·d
intersects. I would love to be remembered
as one of the people from Buffalo in the
literature tradition. [AliciaEler]
A GirlNamed
Charlielester
CarissaHalston
(Aforementioned
Productions)
SoManyWays
toSleepBadly
MattildaBernstein
Sycamore
(CityLights)
AwayWen
Charlieis a Gothteen
tryingto exploresex
andlove.Overtime
shematures-opening
herownbookstore
and
exploring
thewet,wild
worldof sleepingwith
women.Strongfemale
bonds,wittydialogue
andanacutesense
of whatit's liketo be
youngtodaymake
Charliea greatread.
(aforementionedproductions.
com)
[NinaLary]
Dismantled
JenniferMcMahon
(Harpercollins)
Fromthe NewYork
Timesbest-selling
lesbianauthorof
Islandof LittleGirls
comesthis chilling
novelaboutprofoundly
humanpost-college
friendscaughtupin
circumstances
bothof
·theirmakingandway
beyondtheircontrol.
McMahon's
latestis
surelyherbest.It's
grippingandscaryin
so manyways.
(harpercollins.
com)
[DianeAndersonMinshall]
Powder
ed.LisaBowden
andShannonCain
(KorePress)
ThisLambdaLiterary
Awardfinalistoffers
upa thrillingsociopoliticallytransgressive,gender-bending
queernovelabout
life in SanFrancisco.
Frombadsexto vegan
restaurants
to NPR
andtweakingbuddies,
Sycamore's
frenetic
paceandunabashed
solipsismis most
refreshing.
(citylights.com)
[DAM]
Whilesoldierstories
holda hallowedspace
in mediaandliterature,
thevoicesof the
womenwhoserve
areoftensubduedor
drownedoutaltogether.
CainandBowdenmake
a greatstarttoward
remedying
this in their
collectionof poetryand
prose.Thispage-turner
is an insider'slookat
whatit's reallylike
to bea servicewoman.
(korepress.
org)
[Andrea
Millar]
September 2009
I 59
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
SuburbanBlissand Blitzkrie
Watch small town love on the big screen. By Candace Moore
Funin Girls'Shorts2
(Frameline):
Theseven
shortfilmsthatmakeup Fun
in Girls'Shorts2, produced
by Frameline
33,theSan
Francisco
International
LGBT
FilmFestival,
exploretopics
fromactivismto Zulufemale
seduction
andrangefrom
the humorous
to the,well,
mystifying.
Nowon DVD,the
collection's
highlightsinclude
TheVicious
andtheDelicious,
a delightfully
absurd1980s
primetimesoapoperaparody
witha nearlyall-female,
Sapphically-inclined
cast.
It's packedwithover-the-top
melodrama,
badpermsand
enormous
shoulderpads.In
thedocumentary
shortJust
Me?AmyNeil,anoutlesbian,
believessheis the solequeer
memberof herfamily.But
throughthediscovery
of some
antiquephotosanda surprising
interview,Neillearnsshemay
havemorein commonwith
hergreatgrandmother
than
shethought.Theseriescloses
withthe strangelycompelling
Operated
by InvisibleHands.
Twoantiquedollsactoutthe
awkwardness
anddramaof
"the morningafter,"aswell
assomebrief,hotdoll-ondollactionin theformof a
flashback.Barringa few
missteps,
whenseenasa
wholeFunin Girls'Shorts2
makesfor uniqueviewing.
(frameline.org)
[RachelShatto]
60 I curve
Whether you' re a housewife, a teen or a tomboy, discovering same sex desire in small-town circumstances
can feel like a masquerade.
A Village
Affair(Acorn
MediaGroup):
A DVD that will
compliment any library of dyke romantic dramas,
this British import is based on Joanna Trollope's novel
and is set in a stilted English countryside village.
There, gossip spreads with every grocery purchase
and aristocrats rest on longstanding laurels, showing off
wealth with elaborate gardens and black-tie affairs.
Mother-of-three Alice hangs curtains in her ample
cottage and keeps up appearances while recovering
from post-partum depression in this social pressure cooker. She's long ago lost the urge to have sex
with her generic hubby, as well as the will to do what
she loves best: paint. A flirty, red-headed heiress
fresh from New York soon turns Alice's hum-drum
town (and marriage) upside down. At first, Alice
finds Clodagh's wild charm pushy but her husband
is smitten, encouraging the young neighbor to visit
their family home frequently. Begrudgingly allowing Clodagh to help with kids and errands, Alice
can't help but find her companion's bright spirit
contagious. Blocks around physical intimacy and
passionate art-making quickly come unstuck and
Alice must negotiate her love for another woman
with the expectations of upper-crust
family life.
(acornmedia.com)
SheLikesGirls4 (Wolfe):The latest Wolfe collection
of lesbian and proto-lesbian shorts focuses on eight
provocative and darling films about tough girls and
tomboys. Some are quiet, character-driven stories
and others are boisterous or glib-but they all play
well together. Pitstop (directed by Melanie McGraw)
documents the unspoken bonding between a shy girl
stranded at a gas station and a loner who appreciates the kid's love of photography. BabysittingAndy
(directed by Pat Mills) hilariously brings us the
bratty-mouthed chants and curses of a misbehaving tomboy armed with eggs and a water gun filled
with cat pee. This compilation also includes Melange
Lavonne's rap music video "Gay Bash;' a song about
homophobic violence happening to someone you
love. In Don't Mess With Texas (directed by Carrie
Schrader and Tricia Cooke) two sticker-tagging
dykes on a road trip look to reverse-intimidate redneck straights but get schooled in assumptions about
Texan small towns by a local, played by the eversuave handsome punk Silas Howard ( of Tribe 8 and
By Hook or By Crook fame.) Foreign shorts Mars
(German) and PagesOf A Girl (Portuguese) explore
girl love found on the streets and in the stacks,
Q+A
Jenni Olson
A staple of the queer film world for
nearly two decades, Jenni Olson has written
extensively on LGBT cinema including
her book, The Queer Movie PosterBook,
and has made such noteworthy films as
TheJoy of Life and 575 Castro St. She also
co-founded PlanetOut and the Queer
Brunch at Sundance Film Festival. Olson is
the director of e-commerce and consumer
marketing at Wolfe Video and is married to
international gay rights activist Julie Dorf.
Known for her knowledge about the more
adventurous filmmakers of the past, Olson
also sits on the board of the Outfest Legacy
Project for LGBT film preservation.
HowhasLGBT
filmmaking
changed
sinceyou
startedmaking
filmsintheearly-'90s?
There's been a steady progression of complex
and diverse representations of the LGBT
community. The '90s was a particularly
exciting time within queer cinema, a boom
within feature film production. Independent
film production is more exciting than main-
respectively, while I Heart VeronicaMartin
(directed by Sarah Howard) depicts a
high school cr~sh that seems two parts
But I'm a Cheerleader, one part Single
White Female.The standout short of the
bunch is Claudia Morgado Escanilla's
No Bikini, which beautifully captures the
glorious splashing, chicken fighting and
pool racing of swim camp for a confident
flat-chested girl who shuns her bikini top
and passes as a boy. (wolfevideo.com)■
-
-
-
---
~
TOPLESBIAN
FILMSOF201O?
OLSON
TELLSUSTHAT&
MOREATCURVEMAG.COM
stream film and television production in that
filmmakers have more of an opportunity to
express a diversity of opinions.
Howhasit changed
forqueerwomen?
In terms of lesbian filmmaking, they face
similar obstacles as they [always] have and as
any female filmmaker always has. In terms
of sexism, this reflects reality.In terms of
transgender representations, there's been a
significant progress over the past decade or so.
Obviously there's a long way to go. Bisexual
stories tend to be the odd man out.
Howdofilmfestivals
suchasSundance
allow
LGBT
filmmakers
to gettheirworkseen?
Sundance has made a difference in the
distribution ofLGBT film. It's interesting
that Sundance and the Toronto and Berlin
International Film Festivals, the "largest
straight film festivals;'are run by homosexuals.
We have people in high places. [Laughs]
Howdoesa serieslikeTheL Wordpromote
LGBT
images?
The L Word is interesting in that it has pushed
lesbian media visibility into the mainstream in
a tremendous way. Ilene Chaiken has been so
smart in the way she has engaged independent lesbian filmmakers-Lisa Cholodenko,
Angela
Robinson, Rose
Troche-into
the show.
Howdoesthisalterthe"LGBT
narrative?"
Arethereunique
queervoices?
Orare
theyimitating
theheteronormative
paradigms?
It's always the case that you have both things
happening. Many filmmakers are more interested in making a romantic comedy, where it
would normally be a guy and a girl, but making it with two girls.
Hasqueerfilmmaking
changed
sinceProp.8
andMi/K!
The upside oflosing the battle on Prop. 8 is
that people have been more galvanized and
propelled into wanting to make more political
work. There was such a huge immediate boom
in public service announcements leading up
to and after Prop. 8. However, I am aware of
lesbian films finishing up, which will be on the
film festival circuit this summer, and I don't
see them responding to Prop. 8.
Whyit issoimportant
wepreserve
films?
It's particularly helpful to see where we've been
and to experience perspective. [JohnEsther]
,-
'.
.!'a';
~(
TheBabyFormula
(WolfeReleasing)
Drool
(StrandReleasing)
AthenaandLilithare
pregnantwith each
others'babiesthanks
to anexperimental
scientificinnovation
that makesspermfrom
theirstemcells.With
opinionated
families
andrelationship
woes
galore,its nowonder
whythissentimental,
quirky,Canadian
mockumentary
wasa hit at
the Frameline
film fest.
(wolfere/easing.
com)
[RachelBeebe]
Havingretreatedinto
a fantasyworldto
escapeanabusive
marriage,
Anora
receives
a romanticand
life-alterning
wake-up
callwhenImogene,
a
sexywomanmovesin
nextdoor.Whilelight
in toneandmood,
thefilm coverssome
seriouslyheavytopics
rangingfromdomestic
violenceto racismto
rape.(strandrel.com)
[RachelShatto]
:i·•
~
~.
JU:l!f..
OnEachSide
(FirstRunFeatures)
Nollywood
Lady
(WomenMake
Movies)
A short,butsweet
documentary
about
the burgeoning
Nigerian
film industry
knownas Nollywood.
Filmmaker
Dorothee
Wenner
followsPeace
Anyiam-Fibresima,
or
"Nollywood
Lady,"as
shegivesanall access
tourof thefilm industry,whichproduces
1,500moviesa year.
(wmm.com)
[Ariel
Messman-Rucker]
A photographer
returns
to hisArgentinean
hometown
to documentthe construction
of a bridgebetween
VictoriaandRosario,
twotownsperchedon
the banksof the Parana
River.Butasconstruetionprogresses
citizens
onbothsidesstruggle
betweentraditionand
progressin this moving
film,nowon DVD.
(firstrunfeatures.
com)
[NinaLary)
September 2009
/
I61
REVIEW~Tech Girl
Websites Galore
From loving tech, to using tech to find love-and everything in between.
Thanks to the Internet, we now have access to the globe at our fingertips,
but wading through the digital dross is a veritable world wide web of trouble. So this month the techies here at curve are highlighting some of our
favorite sites to help you separate the cyber wheat from the virtual chaff.
SHINYSHINY:
Thereis a seaof technology
outthere-what withallthe mobile
phones,MP3players,computers
andpersonal
massagers
onthe market-andtech
grrlscanonlycoversomuch.Fortunately
forthoseof youwith plentyof techno-lust
butlesstechnoknowledge
thereis ShinyShiny.tv,
theoriginaltechsitewrittenby
womenfor women.Takinga "femalestandpoint
ontheconsumer
technology
world"
thesiteoffersnewsandreviewson"allthingsgadgety."Soif youhaveyoureyeona
newdigitalcameraor aneco-friendly
wind-upvibrator,butdon'twantto plunkdown
yourhard-earned
cashwithouta littleresearch
(orjust dig readingarticlesaboutgadgetsthatarefreeof allthetecho-garble)
theShinyShinyladieshavegotyoucovered.
Thesiteis fun,irreverent
andwrittenin a language
thatis refreshingly
accessible,
by
womenwhoclearlyknowtheirstuff-and withanentiresectiondedicated
to Hello
Kittytech,howcanyounotbein gadgetheaven?
(shinyshiny.'tv)
[RachelShatto]
DOCUBANK:
Forusqueerwomen,it's hardenoughexplaining
to strangers
thatyour"roommate".is actuallyyourpartner,
thatyourchildhasnotone,buttwo mommies
andwhatyour
;,female-bodied,
male-identified
transgender"
boyfriend's
identityreallymeans.Nowtry doingall
of thatwhenyou'vejust beenseriouslyinjuredin a caraccident.DocuBank's
wallet-sized
medicalemergency
cardsensurethatyoucanspendlesstimeexplaining
yoursexualityto a team
of EMTs,andmoretimegettingyourlovedonesandyourselfthe emergency
careyouneed.
Througha clickonthewebor a quickphonecall,DocuBank's
cardsdirectemergency
personnelto a file containing
all of yourrelevantmedicalinformation,
includingyourmedicalhistory,
doctor'scontact,livingwill,organdonationrequests,
nextof kin,burialinstructions
andseveral
emergency
contacts.DocuBank's
websitehasan LGBT-specific
sectionwhichensures
thattheir
serviceswill makeit easierfor partnersto accessyourhospitalroomandthatthe peopleyou
choosewill bespeaking
for youin anemergency.
(docubank.com)
[VanaTallon-Hicks]
DOROTHY
SURRENDERS:
If likeme
you'relookingfor anotherwayto
slogthroughMondays,
howabout
the happyfactthatit's a daycloserto
"TankTopTuesdays."
Thisfeatureon
DorothySurrenders
offershotphotos
accessorized
withwittycaptions
fromAfterEllen
bloggerandsexylady
connoisseur
DorothySnarker.
It's
comforting
to knowthatthissmart,
lustywriteris evervigilantlykeeping
hersweatyfingersonthe popculture
pulseanddeliveringit justthewaywe
likeit, froma gaygal'spointof view.
(dorothysurrenders.blogspot.
com)
[Heather
Robinson]
62
Icurve
THEBRAIN:
Intheoh-so-small,
overlapping
worldof lesbianhook-ups,
all of thatgirl-swappingcanbehardto keep,well,straight.Nowyou
cangetall of yourdykesin a rowwithTheBrain.
Thisvirtualmind-mapping
system,available
for freedownload
ontheweb,wasoriginally
conceived
for business
purposes,
butlooks
remarkably
similarto AlicePieszecki's
OurChart
creation,andfansof TheL Wordaregoingto
find it hardto resistcreatinga hook-upchartof
theirown.TheBrainpromises
to helpyou"see
newrelationships"
and"discoverconnections"
withits easydrag-and-drop
format.Sobesure
to lockdownyourepicenter
statusasmake-out
master,beforea real-lifePapitriesto stealyour
title.(thebrain.com)
[YTH]
LTTR:
If the ltty BittyTittyCommittee
were
to publisha queerfeministjournal,it could
nottop LTTR(Lesbians
Tendto Read).
The
annualcompilation-whichis nowavailableonlineonly-lost a bit on aestheticsby
goingall-digitalbutit's still asenticingas it is
politicallyengaging.
Experimental
in content
andnon-linearin its readingstyle,LTTR
shouldberequiredreadingfor queers,high
schoolstudents-oh,andRepublicans.
Visual
graphicsaremorelimitedonthe sitethanin
the printjournal,butthosethat remainstill
manage
to bothdelightandshockin theircreative,alternative
techniques
that demandyour
attentionlikea loverleft in want.Enlightening,
emotional
andtraumaticexperiences
bleed
throughthescreenandcrashheadfirstinto
the reader.
You'llwantto printout pageslike
ready-made
stickynotesof clever,intelligent
socialjusticepropaganda.
Editorialletters
seethingwith rageadda laughfactorthat
undeniably
sendthisjournalfromthe intriguing
to the must-have
category.Unfortunately,
the
digitaleditionof thisformerlyinfamousprint
journalusedto comecompletewith a limitededitionglovemadefor LTTRby LizCollins,
a setof oraclecoinsby NancyBrooksBrody
anda silk-screened
printfromXylorJane
andGingerBrooksTakahashi-allproducts
you'llhaveto find onyourownnow.(lttr.org)
[Colleen
Mccaffrey]
Aubrey O'Day continued from page 36
Spurred by this conversation, O'Day
And while for many people, getting fired
decided to make some changes in her life. publicly by Sean "Diddy" Combs would be a
She went to college and then into a procareer-ender, for the now-out performer, it's
gram called Semester at Sea, where she just the beginning. "It was [Diddy's) decision
volunteered in Asia and South America.
to fire me, and then it was my decision to see
"I saw how the world has nothing to the silver lining:' And the horizon looks bright
do with me and I'm a very small part and
for O'Day, who is on the cusp of taking her
very insignificant," she says. Her travels
career to the next level, with a reality show on
took her all over the globe, from India
the way, a clothing line about to hit the stores
to Brazil, and allowed her to meet many
inspiring people.
"I met Fidel Castro and got to work
with him, and I met Nelson Mandela.
I met the Dali Lama. I went to the Taj
Mahal, the Great Wall of China, I saw
wonders of the world-and
people that
are wonders:'
She also became an outspoken supporter of LGBT rights and is currently
a part of the No H8 campaign. "I think
a lot of conservative views are wrong. I
think passing Prop. 8 was wrong. I will
openly say that, and openly lose that fan
base, because to me that's what I stand for.
Nobody deserves to not have rights-basic
human rights-in life. It's just ridiculous:' .
However, there is still a touch of the
diva about her, and she unapologetically
make your African dreams come true.
sets her standards high. When curve
Contact us at (707) 467-9676 or
caught up with her she had just received
infota)wildrainbowsafaris.com
the news that she had gotten courtside
www.wildrainbowsafaris.com
tickets to the Celtics playoffs.
"Once you've sat courtside you can't
sit anywhere else;• laughed O'Day. 'Tm
sorry, I'm not going to be like one of those
Hollywood snobs ... but this one I cannot,
I will not sit in the nosebleeds, because I
need to be court center or I will not go. If
I'm sitting in the back, no one is going to
ask me to be courtside again. I'm one of
those valuable celebrities:•
She's posed for Playboy, can cite
a sexual position named after her, if
pressed (Aubrey O'does Dallas, for the
record), and can talk about her naughty
bits over brunch. ("Eight years I've been
bald. I went to the Playboymansion to
meet Hef.. .he has all of these portraits of
these old Playboyspreads. Other women
just '70s-ed out, Farrah Fawcetted hair,
full bush, and I thought it was so sexy.
So I don't know, maybe I'll make a transition, but right now it's bald:')
and a possible book deal in the offing.
"I definitely think I'm one of the most
underestimated people in the industry. People
don't expect much from me. They expect me
to be a hot mess, they expect me to say all the
wrong things and wear the wrong outfits ...
and that's how I like it though, I think it's
really easy to move through the industry as a
woman when you're underestimated:' ■
Fertility and life is the rose. the sublime blossom.
the womb from which all enter the world.
Embrace your magnificent feminine self.
Enjoy family.
Enjoy life.
www.feminineprinciples.com
September 2009
I 63
TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
...
Jae uelineCare
This award-winning wordsmith has us counting the ways we love her. By Andrea Millar
New York Times best-selling author
Jacqueline Carey has legions of fans hooked
on her addictive fantasy epics chock full of
political intrigue, steamy romance and
devilishly
enthralling
characterization.
She is best known for her six-book series
Kushiel's Legacy, and she continues to crank
out the hits. Her latest book, Naamah's Kiss,
revisits the world of her Kushiel's series to
follow Moirin mac Fainche, who has the
ability to summon the nvighlight and make
plants grow at will, as she fulfillsher destiny.
In 2002, she was nominated for a Gaylactic
Spectrum Award for her positive portrayal
of sexuality in the Kushiel universe and the
escapades of its ruling class. That's just one
of the reasons we love her, but let us count
the ways.
1. She createda whole societyfoundedon
lovingwho you want.The citizens of Terre
D'Ange are descended from an angel who
decreed that it was time to "love as thou
wilt." As Carey says, "I loved the idea of a
culture in which sexuality in all its consensual
forms is considered sacred and love is a
divine commandment."
2. She demonstrateshow the personalis
political.Santa Olivia, her dystopian sci-6.
coming-of-age novel, which she describes as
a "post-punk desert border town fable, with
boxing and cute girls in love," depicts what
happens when human rights are sacrificed for
political gain. She pulls issues like immigration, fascism and vigilantism from the headlines and injects them into the plot, and their
effects resound in the struggles of the
lesbian heroine, who also happens to
be part wolf
3. Shewelcomesportraits
andpicturesfromherfans.
Not many best-selling
authors invite readers to
submit their art, but Carey's
website is a testament to
mutual adoration. Carey's favorite? The
64
Icurve
Kushiel's Dart racing lawn mower,
emblazoned with the phrase "love
as thou wilt:'
4. Shewritesbothfemaleand male
characters.
Andshewritesthemwell.
Carey has written from the perspective of characters ranging from a holy
female courtesan to a primeval male
war god-and
she's written each
one convincingly. Although, she
does report that "writing from a
male perspective was a challenge."
5. She bringsthe party.Carey and
some of her friends single-handedly
started a Mardi Gras traditionnow a full-fledged float paradein her tiny hometown of Douglas,
Mich. "The first year, I think we only
had one float-ours, a snow-shovel
brigade, two Elvises and a handful
of bewildered spectators who didn't
understand why we were throwing
beads at them:'
6. Shedoesherresearch.
Although she writes
fantasy, the Jacqueline Carey touch of authenticity comes from hours in the library. She
studied centuries of history to create the
quasi-European world of Terre DJ\nge and,
in her Imriel trilogy Carey was careful to realistically portray the psychology of abuse in
the lead character.
7.Shemaderosetattoos
lookgoodagain.Central
to the complex plot lines of Carey's first books
is a rose tattoo that has been adopted
by swathes of Jacqueline Carey fanspermanencly-to
celebrate their
affinity for her characters. 'Tm honored to have written work that's struck
a resonant chord for so many
readers and inspired artists in
other media;' says Carey.
tion in the budding baby-dyke relationship
between Loup, the heroine, and her curvy
conquest Pilar in Santa Olivia. They gave her
the opportunity to write "a great kissing-inthe-rain scene;' she says.'J\lso, I believe, one of
the only love scenes to incorporate the word
'scamper; which just tickles me;' she adds.
9. Workingat a bookstore
actuallymadeher
wantto write.Her time in London slinging
books for six months after college primed
her to create her first book, Kushiel's Dart, a
runaway bestseller.
10. She'sgot a senseof humor.When a fan
sent her a picture of a red-headed alpaca
nicknamed after one of Carey's characters,
the photo took center stage on her site's
March update. "I cry to update my website
with fun cidbics;' she says. "It's hard to go
wrong with cure critter pies:' Hopefully it
8. She believesin the occasional doesn't gee old after scores of lesbian fans
scamper.Carey found inspirasend her photos of their cats. ■
~
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