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Description
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ToC Cover: A Country Star Comes Out with Chely Wright by Diane Anderson-Minshall (p36); Alix Dobkin - Alive and Kicking by Rene Rosechild (p44); Can Gay Bookstores Survive? By Kelli Dunham (p48); Who You Calling a Lesbian? By Sassafras Lowrey (p50); 20 Things Every Lesbian Should Own by Lipstick and Dipstick (p52); Pride Issue; Cover Photo by Laura Crosta; Hair/Makeup by Cherie Combs.
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Pride Issue
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issue
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5
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Date Issued
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June 2010
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol20_No5_June-2010_0CR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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y Relationship Secrets 10 Tips to Survive Pride
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Over a century later, life finally started to imitate art.
A TOLE8ANT WORLD IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. But we're getting there. At Progressive, we/
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Honored by The Trevor Project, the only nationwide, around-the-clock
suicide prevention helpline for gay and questioning youth.
crisis and
Features JUNE2010
36
A Country Star Comes Out
"Single White Female" crooner Chely Wright
comes out. In our exclusive interview, she talks
about God, family and hiding in Nashville.
By Diane Anderson-Minshall
44
Alix Dobkin-Alive
and Kicking
An intimate portrait of the legendary Lavender
Jane Loves Women singer who helped lead
the lesbian music scene for over 35 years.
By Rene Rosechild
48
Pride2010
Can Gay Bookstores Survive?
How lesbian bookstores are weathering
the economic storms. By Kelli Dunham
50
Who You Calling a Lesbian?
Tackling the complexities of Sapphic
language and identity. By Sassafras Lowrey
52
20 Things Every Lesbian Should Own
From hummus to duct tape, a list of things you
should keep in your closet, kitchen or under her
bed. By Lipstick and Dipstick
page
27
21
curve
Celebrating pride
~BEST
:::.~.!!PLACESTOWORK
2010 for LGBTEquality
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When you look back at the efforts and achievements of LGBT men and women
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© 2010 Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. All rights reserved. Member FDIC.
Departments JUNE2010
18
Prom protesters
Ceara Sturgis(left)and
ConstanceMcMillen at
the L.A. GLAAD Media
Awards after party
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IN EVERY ISSUE
8
10
12
14
20
26
30
34
64
Frankly Speaking
24
about your time of the month. Period.
Letters
Contributors and Scene
27
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Lipstick & Dipstick
AstroGrrl
Relationships: Four sexy relationship
secrets to spice up your long-distance love.
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Top Ten Reasons We Love ...
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Celebrity Gossip
Fauxmosexuals abound, still gaga
for Gaga and Brangelina's "queer" kid.
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Curvatures
Gay lions and tigers and bears,
oh my! Constance's battle for prom
continues. Plus, guess which lesbian
has her own comic book?
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the Shondes and Chris Pureka. Plus, an
interview with the wild EmilieAutumn.
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Books: It's Hammer! time with lesbian
director Barbara Hammer and understanding
the queer kid. Up close with Audrey Beth Stein.
58
Film: Documentaries to make you take
to the streets. Plus, Oscar-nominated
director Jane Campion and the queer
film collection you've been waiting for.
62
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Music: New tunes to break your heart by
Tech: Think ilesbian: Gay apps for the
girls and a phone that will let you show off
your handheld pride.
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Sex and the Sapphic City
Hook ups, heart breaks and lots of hot action
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A law student by day and sex blogger by
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liberty and the pursuit of good porn.
Generation Gayby
Writer Beren deMotier
is the lesbian mom next
door, and in her blog,
Gayby Boom, she shares
the joys, trials and hilarity
of same-sex parenting.
From romantic minivan
interludes to teenage
rebellion and slumber
parties, this mother of
three has seen it all.
Committed, Not
Complacent
"Monogamy, midlife
and menopause don't
have to be a drag. What
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sensual and cerebral,"
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sharing why settling
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settling for less (sex).
The Pink Team
A Lofty Life
Sporty dyke and Lamda
Literary finalist Lyndsey
D'Arcangelo gives LGBT
athletes a voice with her
blog Playing for our Team.
Jetsetter and blogger
Karen Loftus loves the
finer things in life: Wine,
food and travel. From
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For her blog, She's
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Beck gets up close and
personal with some of
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scoring interviews with
Girl in a Coma, Tegan
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manymoredivinedivas.)
Keeping Abreast
of Gay Hollywood
The Red Carpet blogger
Laurie K. Schenden is no
stranger to rubbing elbows
with lesbian celebrity elitesshe's spent time with Jane
Lynch, Linda Perry, Rose
Rollins and Lily Tomlin. In her
blog, she brings us sneak
peeks of the world of hot
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FRANKLY
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THE BEST-SELLING
JUNE 2010
I
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 20 NUMBER 5
Publisher and Founder Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Diane Anderson-Minshall
Managing Editor Kristin A. Smith
Associate Editor Rachel Beebe
Assistant Editor Rachel Shatto
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Music Review Editor Margaret Coble
Contributing Editors Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
EditorialAssistants Lisa Gunther, Sarah C. Jimenez, Liska Konig
Taking a Leap of Faith
It took hitting rock bottom and near suicide for Chely Wright to become the
first country music star to come out, and by doing so she is risking a lot - losing
her fans, friends, family and risking her own safety. These are issues we all face,
minus the fans, of course.
Wright's fear about coming out in Middle America made me reflect on what
it means to be out in a s~all town. I must say thank you to the queer people who
live in these areas. It would be so much easier to go to a big city where being out
isn't (as) dangerous, but staying to fight the hard fight gives us all hope. Thank
you, too, to Chely for taking this momentous step. People tend to support
LGBT equality when they know a gay person. Chely can be that person for
a whole segment of the population we have yet to reach. This award-winning
singer has the ability to reach conservative audiences in the Heartland, Bible
Belt and the military. We are so close to ending Don't Ask, Don't Tell that
having a performer like Chely, who has entertained the troops for years, come
out, helps us get even closer.
It's been so hard to keep this story under wraps. I first learned about it from
the amazing lesbian documentary duo TV gals, Bobbie Birleffi and Beverly
Kopf. When I saw the trailer for their film about Chely, tentatively titled,
Wish Me Away, I was moved to tears. How could Chely keep this secret for
30 years? Moreover, how could we keep it for three months? Curve was
only the second media outlet to interview Chely-before she came out to
her mom or her best friends. It's unprecedented for a star to talk to a lesbian
magazine before the mainstream media, and we are honored to help connect
Chely with our community. After seeing the movie clip and then reading
editor in chief Diane Anderson-Minshall's interview (page 36), I wanted to
wrap my arms around Chely and assure her that everything will be OK. If
nothing else, her new LGBT family will embrace her for her courage to come
out so publicly. She can be such a huge role model for kids and families in the
most homophobic parts of our country.
Let's reward Chely with our support now, too. At curvemag.com you can
send Chely a letter and listen to her music. Even better, you can watch a clip
from the upcoming documentary chronicling Chely's coming out and make a
donation to help this life-changing film become a reality.
PUBLISHING
Director of Operations Flo Enriquez
Senior Advertising Executive Diana L Berry
Advertising Sales Rivendell Media
Marketing Assistant Rose Tachis
ART
/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Photo Editor Hayley McMillen
Production Manager Ondine Kilker
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
Web Producer Nikki Woelk
Photo Assistant Brittany Jeffers
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Jamie Anderson, Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Stacy
Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Bree Clarke, Jennifer Corday, Lyndsey
D' Arcangelo, Beren deMotier, Ainsley Drew, Michele Fisher,
Lauren Marie Fleming, Katrina Fox, Serena Freewomyn Tania
Hammidi, Kathi lssemian, Gillian Kendall, Kate Lacey, Sheela
Lambert, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Ariel Messman-Rucker, Candace Moore, Alison Peters, Catherine
Plato, Aimsel L. Ponti, Heather Robinson, Laurie K. Schenden, Lori
Selke, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Robin Miner-Swartz, Yana TallonHicks, Kyra Thomson, Jocelyn Voo, Jamie Wetherbe
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Paul Michael Aguilar, Erica Beckman, Brie Childers, Meagan
Cignoli, Cheryl Craig, JD Disalvatore, Tony Donaldson, Sophia
Hantzes, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van
Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, CA 94103
Phone (415) 863-6538 Fax (415) 863-1609
Advertising Sales (415) 863-6538 ext. 15
Subscription Inquiries (800) 705-0070 International (818) 286-3102
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 20 Issue 5 Curve {ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc., 1550 Bryant St.,
Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian
{U.S. funds only) and $71.95 international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be
assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and
at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be
reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without written permission from the
publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any persons or organizations appearing,
advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual orientation
of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries,
unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be returned unless a sett-addressed
stamped envelope is included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages. The
contents do not necessarily represent the opinions of the editor, unless specifically stated. All
magazines sent discreetly. Subscription Inquiries: Pleasewrite to Curve, 1550 Bryant Street,
Suite 510, San Francisco, CA 94103, email shop@curvemag.com. Canadian Agreement
Number: 40793029. Postmaster:Send Canadianaddresschanges to shop@curvernag.com,
Curve,
PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON l2E 688. Send U.S. addresschangesto shop@curvernag.com,
Curve,POBox17138,N. Hollywood,CA 91615-7138.Printedin the U.S.
curvemag.com
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LETTERS
Memorial Day weekendit's the homo Spring Break I
always dreamed of! My spouse
and I have gone for years,
although sadly this year we
are going to take our 3-yearold for a family vacation. By
the way, I loved the parenting
articles this month.
-Sarah
Rodriguez, Baton
Rouge,Louis.
Gotta Know About Gaga
Poll
What's your favorite
movie kiss?
35%
GinaGershon
and
JenniferTillyin Bound
30%
HelenShaverand
PatriciaCharbonneau
in DesertHearts
12%
NeveCampbell
and
DeniseRichards
in
WildThings
10%
SusanSarandon
and
home. Thanks fq,r all your
effort. I thought you should
know how important your
labor is.
- Blanca Chanez, Spain
Editor'sNote:Sorry, Blanca,
we wish we had a Spanish-
languageedition of curve,
but there are still some
reallygreat Spanish Sapphic
resources.She Magazine in
Florida offers a Spanish
section called She Espanol.
Stupenda.org is an online
magazine for lesbians in
Barcelona. It's also a great
sourcefor info on the lesbian
scene.For entertainment, we
love the Spanish web series
Apples (appleslaserie.com).
Catherine
Deneuve
in
After reading in the media and
TheHunger
seeing photos from concerts
MeganFoxand
coupled with all of the rumors
7% Amanda
Seyfriedin
flying around, we would like
Jennifer'sBody
to know, is Lady Gaga really
SarahMichelleGellar
6% and
intersex? We religiously read
SelmaBlairin
CruelIntentions
Grateful for Gender Article
curve magazine and believe
After reading "Love Is a Many Gendered
that if anyone can get down
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
Thing" [Vol. 20#3] by Katrina Fox, I had to
to the truth, you will be the
ones who can· do it. Please help!
write to thank you so very much for printing
Where Are All the Angry Lesbians?
it. No article has touched me so deeply. I am
-Diane Coleman,Modesto, Calif
I have not read an article so true as Victoria
a 58-year-old trans lesbian (post-op) and I
Brownworth's piece about Women's History
Note:Personally,we likethe intrigue.But Month, titled "A Question of Relevance"
make no secret of the fact that I am trans. I'd Editor's
like to think I have a lot to offer someone, but for those who must know, no, Gaga is not [Vol. 20#2]. I am 21 years old, and it's
intersex.She is, however,comfortable
enoughwith startling to see how few of my peers-lesbians
I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact
that finding a Ms. Anything, let alone Ms.
the labelto give some visibilityto the almost1 in and straight women alike-are interested
Right, will never happen for me. A huge
every100 peoplewhosebodyat birthdiffersfrom in women's equality. It was encouraging to
''standard"maleorfemale.Formore see Ms. Brownworth take the argument
on intersexuality,
go to isna.org.
for feminism and express it so eloquently.
Congrats Gina!
Sometimes I get the feeling that feminism is
i.,Curve,en Espanol?
only a distant memory. Where have all the
Congrats to contributing editor Gina
Daggett-better known as femme
I would like to know if you have
angry lesbians gone? I sincerely hope that
advice guru Lipstick-for her awesome
a Spanish version of curve
we haven't given up the fight for equality
win of OUTtv's Hot Pink Shorts contest. Daggett's
magazine or know about another
when there is still so much to accomplish.
short film, 'Ti/ Death Do Us Toby, follows Sam, a
lesbian magazine in Spanish
- Kara Kuntz, Williamsport,Pa.
teenage lesbian in the making, and Toby, th~ family
that I could find. Although
dog who believes his days are numbered. Production
there are many lesbians here
Corrections
of the short film begins soon, and we'll keep you in
Billie Myers' song"Lady Jane" [Vol. 20 #3] is
in my country, it is not easy to
the loop. Way to go, Lipstick-er, Daggett!
find a magazine like yours. As
on the album Tea & Sympathy. Contributing
you can imagine, sometimes it is writer Kim Bale penned the article "Triply
"thank you" to Katrina Fox for this article and
Blessed" [Vol. 20 #3]. The location with the
very difficult to read and understand many
to curve for publishing it. I still have my articles when they are not in your native
red couch in "The Power Suit" [Vol. 20#4]
doubts I will ever find Ms. Right, but I have language, and I can't enjoy all the events
is courtesy of Straight to the Point body
a small glimmer of hope again. At least now
that I read about because they're so far from
piercing (myspace.com/malteseart).
I know it is possible. Thank you again.
-Jennette Lynne Caden, Dayton, Ohio
(!)
Sendlettersto: curve magazine
1550BryantSt.,Ste.510 SanFrancisco,
CA94103
More Florida Fun
Why is Pensacola not on your list of places
to visit in Florida [Vol. 20#3]? Every year
lesbians take over Pensacola Beach over
101curve
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CONTRIBUTORS
From the Editor
There's always
so much I want
to tell you about
what we've been
doing and so little
"Tue first time I heard Alix Dab.kin's voice, it was coming out of
someone's stereo at a lesbian house party in 1974. My world tilted on
its axis and immediately realigned on a much more favorable, lesbian~
positive angle;' says contributing writer ReneRosechild,
whose piece about
the legendary musician appears on pg. 46. "Now, like Dobkin, I'm an old
dyke, and I chink the young queer women out there will enjoy and benefit
from a little of Dab.kin's still refreshing perspective:' Interviewing Dobkin led Rosechild to
reflect on what has changed and what has stayed the same since chose wild days in the early
'70s. Rosechild is a freelance writer and mother living in Denver.
space in which to
do it! While we put
this issue to bed,
several Curvettes
got props from
someone other than me.
Curve's senior advertising
executive Diana Berry was
recently elected to the Board of
Directors for the San Francisco
lo
!!i
''I've known Glennda Testone for years;' says contributing writer
Gretchen
Dukowitz.
"In face, I used to sit in the cubicle across from her
when she was a lowly media manager at the Gay & Lesbian Alliance
Against Defamation and I was just an intern. It's been a pleasure to
watch her work her way up through the ranks of various LGBT and
feminist organizations, and interviewing her (pg. 33) was like talking to
an old friend. She's an amazing woman, and I can't wait to see all of the
amazing things she's going to accomplish at the Center:' As for Dukowicz' career-she
writes for curve, as well as the Advocate and Salon.com.
pundit, assistant editor Rachel
Shatto. In her spare time, Rachel
runs zombiegrrlz.com, a site and
podcast by feminists who love
horror flicks. Well, the "grrlz"
won the 3rd Annu.al Splatcademy
Award for best podcast.
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An avid reader and writer, curve editorial assistant Sarah C.
Jimenezwas honored with the opportunity to uncover one of San
Francisco's eclectic literary pockets, Omnivore Books (pg. 48). She
also researched and wrote our timeline on Constance McMillen's
Mississippi prom (pg.18). Originally a San Diego native,Jimenez
began her professional career as a teacher, but couldn't ignore
all the stories writing themselves in her head. She is currently
working on two novels and her ultimate goal is to have one of
her stories made into a movie. As she likes to say, "Dream big or
go home!"
Even our top dog got props:
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last February. Then in May,
the National Center for
Lesbian Rights honored Frances
with their outstanding community
partner award. Props to all!
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Editor in Chief
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Together we'll go far
LESBOFILE
You Asked Faux More
Hollywood's abuzz with pretend lesbians, but we don't mind. By Jocelyn Voo
Marcia,Marcia,Marcia
Maureen McCormick and Eve Plumb
are famous for their feuds as on-screen
sisters Marcia and Jan Brady during their
youth. A few decades later, they' re still not
exactly chummy.
The tension really erupted in 2007 when
McCormick wrote an autobiography in
which she alleged that she and Plumb were
sexually involved, a charge that Plumb has
vehemently denied.
Now, three years later, it looks like Plumb
still hasn't forgiven her. The cast of The Brady
Bunch was all set to reunite for an appearance on NBC's Today show, but when Plumb
heard she'd share the stage with McCormick,
she pulled out.
Will she share the spotlight? Don't hold
your breath.
DearLadyGaga
Will you marry us? We've always kind of
crushed on you, but now that your new iiberhot music video for "Telephone" is out, we've
got to say that the scene where you liplock
with your jail yard girlfriend was more than
a bit hot. (Madonna and Britney, are you
taking notes?)
You couldn't have picked anyone better
than the lezzie performance artist and
personal trainer Heather Cassils, who told
Out about the casting process: "(Gaga]
16
Icurve
called me over and asked me to portray her
girlfriend and said, 'OK, you're going to be
my prison girlfriend, and you're going to
come to me and I'd like you to touch me
inappropriately: (Laughs] We just kind of
went from there:'
Oh, to be so lucky. Gaga, if you're ever in
need of some more inappropriate touching,
call us. We're in the book!
Flip-Flop
Fauxmosexual?
When we first started hearing whispers
that Real Housewives of Atlanta starlet Kim
Zolciak had a girlfriend, despite having a
sugar daddy on the show (named Big Poppa,
no less), .we were pretty sure we had just
met the new president, vice-president and
treasurer of the Fauxmosexual Club. The
rumors began when Zolciak was spotted
escorting Tracy Young, the out DJ who'd
remixed Zolciak's song "Tardy for the Party;'
for a charity gala in Miami.
At first, Zolciak denied the claim to
TMZ, insisting that Young is "a great
friend:' But then in late March, she'd
changed her tune-for
Life & Style,
at least.
"I don't believe love has a
gender. I have a ton of
girlfriends who have
been with girls,
and I could never
comprehend that before.
Now I can;' she says. "I
myself was confused and
scared at· first. Being able
to speak from my heart
and get this all out, it's a
huge relief for me:'
According to Zolciak it
was Young who made the
first move, and that their
first kiss was "passionate
and exciting:'
However, a week later
on an Atlanta radio show
the Housewives star backtracked again, saying that
it was a "one-time deal;'
that Young had exaggerated the relationship
to the press an1 that she had cut all ties
with the DJ.
Trading in her Big Poppa for a Big Mama?
Not likely.
SexiestCouple
AliveProduce
a Lesbian
Or at least that's what much of the media
seems to think about Angelina Jolie and Brad
Pitt's biological daughter Shiloh. You see,
the 3-year-old girl used to wear her blonde
hair long and prefer girls' clothing. However,
lately she has been snapped by the paparazzi
sporting short hair and wearing boys'clothing.
And according to Life & Style, she even
wants to be called "John'' instead of her
birth name. Alert the media!
Seriously? What's all the who-hah about?
She's 3 years old. Isn't it a bit too early to
be "worried" that she might have gender
confusion? Kids that age are still
wetting themselves and eating
paste, yet no one worries about
advanced incontinence or an
eating disorder. Our personal
opinion? If Shiloh's biggest
problem is the fact that she
prefers pants to frocks,
we'd say she's about the
most well-adjusted
celebrity kid m
Hollywood. ■
Marcia Brady's sexy Sapphic secret
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's resorts,
kstores & mo
the US, C!anad
& beyon
omen's festivals, ,
Ide celebrations,
LGBT fllm fests,
ntures & morel
Birds of a Feather Flock Together
We've always known that the animal kingdom
is as varied as it is beautiful, but scientific
evidence suggests that it may be even more
diverse than we realized. Studies carried out
by UC Riverside and the National Science
Foundation have revealed that humans
are not the only species to engage in samesex behavior.
The female Laysan albatross, for example,
will sometimes pair off with another female
to help raise her young, after which the two
lovebirds will often remain bonded for life.
Meanwhile, it is not unusual for the male
bottlenose dolphin to engage in same-sex
behavior with other male dolphins to forge
social bonds. In fact, evidence of same-sex
behavior has been found in virtually all
animal species, including bonobos, penguins,
frogs, fruit flies and even worms.
In one study, biologists at the University of
Utah discovered that most female nematode
worms possess both male and female sexual
organs. What is perhaps more interesting is
that the worms carry genes that determine
both male and female sexual behavior-
suggesting that hardwiring in the brain may
actually be a key component in determining
sexual behavior, rather than just the sexual
organs themselves. Because there is only one
male nematode worm for every 500 females,
the females will often fertilize their own eggs
and produce offspring on their own.
These studies seem to point to the fact
that sexual orientation is based on genetic
and environmental components, but in the
case of the Laysan albatross, one can't help
but think that there is a bit of romance at
work as well. [LisaGunther]
§
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Guilty: Judge rules in
Constance's favor, but
does not order school
to reinstate prom
GuiltyPleasure
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No Tux: Constance
wants to wear a tux and
take her girlfriend to a
Mississippi high school
prom. Administration
says "No"
A Star is Born:
Constance heads to D.C. to
lobby a new bill to protect
LGBT students from discrimination, becomes fresh face
of the nation's LGBT rights
and struggles
"vt-.r- .. ~:'
-1JreL Wordstar
EllzabethKeener
to cunemag.com
()
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Pretend Prom: Constance
wants to attend school's
reinstated prom, but is
tricked and sent to a fake
dance, which included
only seven students
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The Big Dogs:
ACLU steps
in to convince
the school
to change its
stance, but to
no avail
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In Yer Facebook!:
An anti-Constance
Facebook page
backfires when it is
overwhelmed with
pro-Constance
comments
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Rebellion Pays: Ellen
invites Constance on her
show and grants her a
$30,000 scholarship
f~F:ig:ht;;;in:g~B;a:c:k~:
A~C~L~u;--1••·•-~
files lawsuit, stating
Constance's right to free
speech was violated
1
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On The Side of Love: The
American Humanist
Association announces
that-they will be hosting
"The Second Chance
Prom" for Constance and
her classmates. Green
Day and Lance Bass are
among the performers
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the rundown
The Gaydar
Here's a taste of lesbians in pop culture this month.
Who missed the mark and who was right on target?
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HatespeakMexicansinger
Paquitala del Barrio
saysshe'drather
seea child
diethanbe
adoptedby
a same-sex
couple.Wow
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Bondage-Gate
RNChead
MichaelSteelebustedfor
spending$2,000of donor
moneyat a WeHolesbianthemedbondageclub
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a therapist.Which
is better for sex?
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CATHY
DEBUONO:
Well, I'd
haveto
say,the
therapist if
I loveyou,
the actor if
I don't.
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UESTIONS
INAPPROPRIATE
HOEFER
WITHSUZANNE ESTEN
Ever thought of enlisting in the military but
had second thoughts because of Don't Ask,
Don't Tell? Gen.DavidPetraeus,
a four-star general who you may
remember from his role as the
manager of our wars in Iraq and
Afghanistan, has come closer
than ever to saying he believes that this
policy should be repealed ... Charges have
been filed by the ACLU
against the Rapid
City, S.D. police department after officers
outed Sergeant
JeneNewsome
as a lesbian
to her superiors at Ellsworth Air Force
Base. Officers were at Sgt. Newsome's
home in search of her wife, who was
wanted on theft charges. When the police
were unable to gain access to the home,
they began looking through windows, and
saw an Iowa state marriage certificate on
the couple's table. The police department
,then informed military officials on base
and Newsome was discharged ... TheSacred
HeartofJesusCatholic
School
in Boulder,
Colo., is refusing to allow a kindergartner
to return to school next fall because the
child is being raised in a lesbian home. The
archdiocese told local news outlets that,
"Parents living in open disaccord with
Catholic teaching in areas of
faith and morals unfortunately choose by their
actions to disqualify their
children from enrollment:'
... EllenDeGeneres
will be
breaking into a new medium
as the star of Bluewater
Productions'
latest comic book
biography of a famous woman.
The book will cover Ellen's life from her
childhood in Louisiana to her rise to fame
and include career highlights and low
points. It also touches on her relationship
history: one panel will cover her relationship with Anne Heche, but there will be a
full-page feature on her wedding to Portia
deRossi
... The iPhone game ValetHustle
from Factory Games is an all-new gay
way to distract yourself in boring meetings
or bad dates. A puzzle game in the vien
ofTetris and Diner Dash, it features a lez
protagonist, same-sex kissing and some of
the proceeds benefit the Human Rights
Campaign. For more gay iPhone apps,
turn to page 62. [Sassafras
Lowrey]
ID
June 2010
I 19
His Clothes Are Taking up Space
Should she demand they get tossed?
By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My partner Laura and I recently broke up lesbia~. But I understand some lesbos are a
because she's still keeping a box of her ex's clothes in her home. It's bit more picky. You're 17, there's no need to
full of random items that include his underwear. She claims he doesn't rush anything here. A lot of girls-gay and
straight-are
just like you. Chances are
have room in his new apartment, but he took all the furniture when he
you've just got other things on your mind right
left 10 months ago. Laura doesn't understand why I am upset and fed up now, like filling out college applications,
with the whole situation. Am I being petty, or do I have reason to worry? joining a summer softball league and saving
- Exacerbated About Her Ex
up to buy the new iPad. Some people really
•-------------------------------------
Lipstick:What's Laura's problem? Anyone
with a pulse can see these skid marks from
a mile away. I'd be pissed too, because even
though it's simply a box of clothes, they
represent far more. Perhaps her inability to let
go, or to stand up for herself? Tell Laura you
need clear boundaries and if she wants to be
your girlfriend, she needs to respect how you
feel.Is thisher first relationship with a woman?
If so, beware! There may well be a reason she's
holding on.
Dipstick:Sorry Lipstick, I disagree. Laura is
standing up for hersel£ She's saying that no
new lover is going to tell her whose clothes
she will or will not keep at her house. Good
for her. Just because Exacerbated is insecure
is no reason for Laura to change her behavior.
I think the reason she's hanging on to his
clothes is because Laura's a closet butch and
his 50 ls and boxers feel so right when she puts
them on. I'll bet she struts around the house
in his undies when no one is there, probably
lip~syncing to "Old Time Rock and Roll:' You
should nurture her budding butchness, not
suppress it. Go buy her some flowers, a necktie
and a fresh pack of BVDs.
Dear Lipstick& Dipstick:I'm 17 and I came
outwhenI was14. I'm a virginandhavenever
kissedanyone.I've alwaysbeenattractedto
girls,butlatelyI'm notattractedto anyone.Not
girlsor guys.Is theresomething
wrongwith
me?- AmI a Lemon?
need to get to know a person before feelings
the ladies, that's all that matters. It sounds
like you're picky, just like yours truly, who
appreciates the beauty of all women, but
whose skirt is only blown up every now and
then by certain ladies who walk by. You can't
expect to be constantly turned on by people,
regardless of their sex. This will continue to
ebb and flow and change :;isyou mature.
Dipstick:Unlike Lipstick, my gym shorts are
blown up by just about any dyke who crosses
my path. Tall, short, butch, femme, skinny,
fat, blonde, brunette-I
like 'em all. That's
one of the ways that I know I'm a true~blue
of attraction come up. Eventually, a girl or a
boy who makes you tingle will come into the
picture and the two of you will make delicious
lemonade together.
DearLipstick& Dipstick:I'm 44 andhavebeen
withmypartnerfor 14 years.We'veraisedour
blendedfamilyof five childrentogetherand
havefour grandchildren.
We'vebeenemptynestersfor abouttwo yearsand couldn'tbe
happier.I loveheras muchtodayas whenwe
first met. We both have successfulcareers
and live comfortably.Eighteenmonthsago,
I switchedjobs and beganco-teachingwith
a:
w
:,::
a:
~
Lipstick:
Libido fluctuates, little limoncello, so
relax. If you know in your heart that you love
20
Icurve
w
a
~
ADVICELipstick & Dipstick
an oldfriend,Stacy.We immediately
hit it off
as teachingpartners,evenreferringto each
otheras "workwife."Ourspouses(she'sbeen
marriedfor 25 yearsto a ·wonderful
man)get
alongand we've goneon vacationtogether
andspendlotsof timeat eachother'shouses.
It didn't happenright away, but aboutfive
monthsagoI d~veloped
feelingsfor Stacy.I'm
prettysureshefeelsthesame.Wejokearound
in a flirty way, and whenwe're workingon
lessonplans,I often look up and find her
staringat me. She'sverytouchyand whenI
feel electricitybetweenus,I wantto take her
in myarms,butI resist.I don'tknowhowmuch
longerI can resist,or if I evenwant to. Help!
- SplitDownthe Middle
Lipstick:
"Torn Between Two Lovers;• "Can't
Fight This Feeling," "Dreaming of You;'
there are so •many love songs about your
predicament that falling in love with multiple
people at once has become a proverb.
Dipstick:
How about "Hot for Teacher!"
Lipstick:
Yeah-Van Halen!
Dipstick:Don't forget the Joan Armatrading
classic "The Weakness in Me:'
Lipstick:Dip, this isn't Name That Tune,
it's an advice column. Split, you said you
"couldn't be happier" with your current
partner, but is that the truth:' First, you
need to be honest with yourself. Is your
current relationship really that healthy:'
Second, you need to sit your partner
down and tell her about your attraction to
Stacy. This is part of life and you guys can
work through this together, whatever that
means_.What you shouldn't do is continue
living behind a veil of secrecy, or have an
affair, as that will inevitably harm everyone involved far more. You don't want her
to be singing the Eurythmics song "You
Hurt Me (And I Hate You):'
Dipstick:Lipstick, you've got it all wrong.
The reason there's so many songs about this
ONE SUCCESSSTORY
-
This may be a physical issue (she can't orgasm), an
imbalance of some sort (hormonescausing a drop in sex drive) or
an issue around sexual abuse. Or, I hate to ask this, but could there
be someone else in her life? Does she realize how agonizingthis
is for you? You girls need help. If you can't get to the root of the
problem yourselves,get in to see a therapist. Hang in there, sexpot.
You deserve to be satisfied!
22
I curve
You don't want her to be
singing the Eurythmics
song "You Hurt Me
(And I Hate You)."
issue is because it's so prevalent. People, even
those in happy long-term relationships,
develop crushes on others. It makes life
exciting, gives us a reason to get up and go to
work in the morning and reminds us that were
still desirable sexual beings. Instead of sitting
down and talking to your wife, I suggest you
discuss it with Stacy. Shes not stupid-she can
feel the energy between you. It's best to name it
and get it out in the open. Talking about it should
take away it's power But if it doesn't and feelings
only get stronger, well, then your partner will
probably be singing,"Hit the Road Jack:' ■
une in to curvemag.com/lipstickanddipstickto watchThe Lipstick
& Dipstick Show. Or, write to
tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
®
ADVICEHealth
Butch. Period.
Lost in the land of lady products.
By Heather Robinson
As I walk down the "feminine'' products aisle
surrounded by all the frilly little pink boxes,
I can't help but feel as if I should be riding
a pony sidesaddle, twirling my hair. Looking
hatefully at pillowy packages of pads and
awful products designed to make women
smell fakely like the morning dew, I finally
choose the 64-count of Super Tampax in a
plain, dark blue box-as it's clearly the butch
girl's best option.
Though I don't know many women who
love their periods, I'm more disgruntled than
most. My cycle makes me acutely aware of
all the Earth Goddess parts of me, and it's
impossible to ignore the baby-making organs
on board.
I'm just not made for menstruation.
24
Icurve
Despite my 20 years of visits from Aunt Flo,
I am still caught unaware on a regular basis.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm not being passiveaggressivewith my own body. Meanwhile, my
poor cargo shorts continue to pay the price.
The monthly reminder of my womanly
potential wouldn't be so bad if it weren't
for the presiding emotional hurricane that
accompanies it. I am usually fairly jovial and
mellow, but the week before my period I am
abducted by hormonal body snatchers and
transformed into an unpredictable, overly
sensitive woman on the verge of a nervous
breakdown. These are not the traits I usually
identify with and, quite frankly, they freak me
out. Last month, when I hunkered down in
my hurricane cellar waiting for the emotional
storm to pass, I began to wonder about the
other butches who share my suffering, and
if there just might be a better way for us to
handle this regular dose of femininity.
I spoke to a few other butch-identified
women to get their take on dealing with their
special lady time.
Terri, a 41-year-old butch, admits that"it's
hard to feel manly with a giant pad stuffed in
the drawers:' In her experience, her period is
'just sort of an extension of the whole 'holy
crap, I'm a girl' thing:' She bemoans the fact
that most women, herself included, spend
half their time either clutched by PMS
or bleeding. One of her coping skills is an
elaborate mythology that casts her uterus as
an evil, sperm-hungry menace that punishes
her monthly for not getting pregnant'i\nother egg lost forever. Pay, sucka, pay!"
Elizabeth, a 40-year-old self-identified
"butch gentleman;' recalls the horror of her
first period: "It meant I wasn't going to be a
boy and I was really mad. It felt unnatural
and wrong;' she says. Now the mood swings
bother her the most. "I normally like to be
even-keeled. I don't like that it plunges me
into extremes. I have learned to avoid country
music stations for that week;' she says.
Gitane, a 47-year-old woman who selfidentifies as, "butch-of-center" and usually
dates high femmes, has come to respect and
appreciate the raging hormones that once sent
her jumping through a window (literally).
Since changing her tune on the issue,
she has learned to manage the situation by
keeping track of both her and her partner's
cycles, warning co-workers about potential
outbursts, communicating with her partner
and asking for the support she needs. This
was not easy for a strong woman who was
used to taking care of everyone else.
"I learned I had to talk about it with my
girlfriend if I wanted to be in the relationship
with her. [My period] is the only time that
I actually spend by mysel£ because I need
to be alone. It is an opportunity for space, a
monthly review;' she says.
Plus, since coming to better appreciate
her feminine side she is now enjoying one of
~
tt
~
~
~
~
Health ADVICE
the perks. "What came with the heightened
emotional intensity, when I was able to allow
myselfto be in my body,was great sex;'she says.
Gitane isn't the only one espousing the
power of communication to overcome many
of the most common menstrual challenges.
A groundbreaking 2006 study by Dr. Jane
Ussher showed that lesbians suffer less from
PMS than their straight counterparts, and
found that "lesbian interviewees reported
awareness and recognition of premenstrual
changes in: responsiveness to needs, open
communication and responsibility sharing:'
Fellow butches and science were saying
lesbians know how to roll with their periods,
so what the hell was I doing wrong?
Perhaps it isn't my butchness that's
causing all the problems, but rather my lame
communication skills, lack of self,awareness,
rigid expectations, fear of admitting weakness
and inability to ask for help.
Apparently, I had more in common
with stressed,out straight women, who,
according to the study, reportedly hated
feeling out of control, were unable to tolerate
their own negative emotions and feel overly
demanded upon. They had a difficult time
asking for help. They couldn't admit that
they needed time alone or that they were
more emo~ional during their cycles (or
maybe they tried and nobody wanted to
hear it). So they suffered more. These were
feelings I could relate to, except that the
straight women were backing themselves
into a Superwoman cage, and I had locked
myself into a butch prison where emotions
WELCOMING YOUR MONTHLYVISITOR
Two books tackle our complex relationship with the crimson tide.
Flow:TheCulturalStoryof Menstruation,
ElissaSteinand
SusanKim(St.Martin'sPress):Billedas a "funny,fascinatingand
occasionally
scarystoryof big business,
advertising,
feminism,
genderroles,medicine,religion,worldculturesand,aboveall,good
manners
... in whicheverysinglefemale,youngor old,will recognize
herstory,"F/owwilllikelybecomethedefinitiveculturalanalysis
of menstruation
in herstory.A wellspringof informationabout
menstruation
froma socialandhistorical
(orhysterical)
perspective,
the bookexposesthe so-calledfeministhygieneindustry,
amongotherinstitutionsandsocialstrictures."Whenever
menstruation
is mentioned
thesedays,it's onlybecause
there'san underlyingsalespitch,"writethe authors.The
bookis illustratedwith a hostof 20th-and21st-century
advertisements
for sanitarynapkinsandotherperiod-related
productsandservices.A compellingread,irreverentandfunny,
Flowoffersfreshinsightintowhyourcultureis bothbizarrely
preoccupied
withandashamed
of anexperience
thathalfof the
earth'spopulation
regularlyundergoes.
[Stephanie
Schroeder]
Women.
Period.,editorsJuliaWatts,Parneshia
Jones,Jo Ruby
andElizabethSlade(Spinsters
Ink):Everywomanhasor hadit, but
noonewantsto talkaboutit-until now.Women.
Period.
takesthe
love-hate
relationship
we havewithAuntFlobeyondthe boundaries
of ageandculture,resultingin a funny,sad,sweet,angryandadoring
collection
of menstrual
memories.
It is botha celebration
andan
examination
of thesharedexperience
thatunitesall women.Brokenintothreesections,
"Crescent,"
"Full"and"Waning,"
thebooktakesa lookat ourmonthlyvisitorfromthemultiple
stagesof ourlives.Thiscollection
of poetry,essaysandshortstorieswrittenbywomen,for
women,is intended
to inspireanduniteus.Wearewomen,hearusroar!Afterall,thetitle isn't
Women.
Question
Mark.[Kimberly
Bale]
and vulnerability were bad and feminine.
The butch women I spoke to had adopted
many of the coping skills identified as helpful
in Ussher's study-they communicated openly
with themselves and their partners, they
were willing to ask for and take space if
they needed it, and they had learned how to
plan around emotional peaks and valleysone was even working on embracing and
appreciating her feminine side.
The moral of the menstrual story seems to
be that sticking to rigid gender stereotypes
sucks for everyone. It doesn't matter if
you're a man who can't admit he's wrong, a
supermom who won't ask for a night off or
a butch dyke who can't accept that for a few
days a month she likes to watch GilmoreGirls
and cry over sappy country songs. ■
Greening the Red
Backpain,crampsandbloating-what'snotto
getexcited
aboutwhenit comes
toyourperiod?
Whilewedon'thavea curefortheseinfamous
symptoms,
wedohavea fewsuggestions
to helpeaseyourhealth,environmental
and
moneyconcerns
aboutthatoh-sospecialtime
of themonth.
Lunapads-The
ladiesat
Lunapads,
aVancouver-based
company,
areleading
theway
in reusable
products.
Their
trademark
padscomein a variety
of patterns,
colorsandsizesforall
yourneeds.
Theliners,whichareorganiccotton,
goontopofthecolorfulbasepad.Mixandmatch
depending
onyourflow.(/unapads.com)
NaturalTampons-Inthenameof MotherEarth,
manyof uswentapplicator-free
yearsago,but
there'sstillfurtherwecangoto reduceourtampon
trashandkeepourbodiessafeatthesametime.
Companies
likeSeventh
Generation
offerorganic,
chemical-free
options.
(seventh-generation.com)
SeaSponge
Tampons-For
thebestecology
to economy
ratio,try Jade& Pearl'sdioxinfreenaturalsponges.
Forjust$12yougettwo
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[Kristin
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June 2010 I25
ASTRO
GRRL
The Stars Align for Pride
on your closet door-blow
Don't sit and wait for a knock
it off its hinges. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Gemini
(May22-June21}
Sex:Whisper delightful little things in her ear and see if
she will follow you anywhere. You'll enjoy the trip more
with her by your side. Career:
It is not too late to do a
good spring cleaning this June, both home and office.It
will be even easier with a few able-bodied ladies to help
out. Do I smell a party as the dust is stirred up?
Cancer(June22-July23)
Sex:Money is honey in June so see how much of it you
need to sweeten your love life. By the end of the month
will she love you for you or what you can buy? Does
it matter? Career:
You know just what to say to get
tongues wagging at work. But maybe there is a better
use for your wit and wisdom than just fanning the air.
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
Sex:You command center stage this June and enjoy the
adoration of the crowds. Can you use your magic to
GEMINI(MAY21-JUNE21) attract a certain lady? No autographs, please. Career:
Sapphic
Twinsareexpressive Money comes your way out of the blue. Is it a windfall
andwittysouls.
Theyarehighon or an avalanche? Who cares, as long as it's saved and
intellect
andpridethemselves
on not squandered on wine, women and song. Uh-oh.
being"in theknow"withallthe
hotnewsandtrends.
Theycan Virgo(Aug.24-Sept23)
beverychattyandinformative Sex:You have a secret admirer this June. Look for her
butalsotend~ohaverathershort clues and send out a few yourself Dust her for fingerattention
spans.If sheappears prints later. Career:
Make a powerful presence around
unfocused,
chalkit up to anactive
the corporate movers and shakers. Shake them up, so
mindgravitating
to a newsubject
you can move them 1n your direction.
because
thecurrent
oneistoo
darnboring.
Thebestwaytowin
anargument
withthisgalisto let Libra(Sept.24-0ct.23)
herthinkthatshe'sright.Fairly Sex:A particular gal pal makes the moves on you this
soonafterthat,she'llbeoff on June. Is it love or just fleeting lust? How to choose?
another
littletangentandwill How to choose? Career:Someone is working behind
forgetwhatthebickering the scenes to manipulate your career path. Are they
wasaboutanyway. for or against you? Time will tell-as well as a close
professional friend.
Scorpio
(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Sex:You set the office coffee pot on full boil when a
love affair sparks at work. Can you carefully mix
AstrologerCharlene business with pleasure? Career:Girlfriends in high
Lichtensteinis the places protect you from major catastrophes at work.
authorof Herscopes:Improve your relations and start to construct your
A Guideto Astrology master plan for world domination. Mwah-ha-ha.
forLesbians.
Getmoreat thestarry
eye.com
orcheckoutherblogat Sagittarius
(Nov.23-Dec.22)
thestarryeye.com.
Sex:A spur-of-the-moment vacation will not only
26
Icurve
bring you adventure and fun, it can also lead to crazy
romance. So travel alone or with your lovergrrl. No
matter what, you will not go hungry. Career:Make
your pitch to the power elite and see if they bite. You
have some great ideas that just need a push. Y<;mare
certainly getting tired of pulling.
Capricorn
(Dec.23-Jan.20)
Sex:There is something especially sexy and alluring
about you this June. Is it your body? Is it your
confidence? Whatever it is, bottle it and store it for
your next dry spell. Career:The revolution may not
be televised, but that doesn't mean you can't use the
media to get your ideas out there. Plan a campaign
and make your next move.
Aquarius
(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Sex:Focus on relationships---:making them, molding
them and strengthening them. Partners need some
love and attention, delivered in dollops, along with
wine and dinner. Career:Do you really know what
you want professionally, aside from an early and cushy
retirement? You need to win over a big boss. And that
means not being bossy.
Pisces(Feb.2o-March20)
Sex:Extra efforts in exercise and diet have dramatic
effects now. When you have it, flaunt it. When you
don't, find the lady who does and flaunt her. Career:
Develop more business partnerships this June. You'll
need the extra protection when you make your big
corporate move.
Aries(March21-April20)
Sex:Who is this vision of loveliness and sex appeal?
Make your best moves now, while you have the zest.
Romance comes easy to you. Of course, easy come
easy go. Career:Put in the elbow grease on the job
now. It may not make you No. 1 in the office but it will
protect you from being counted as No. 100.
Taurus
(April21-May21)
Sex:Make your home a love nest and see which little
bird you can coax into sitting on your eggs. Before
you know it, life can look sunny-side up-or is it ~
scrambled? Career:
It is amazing how much time you gj
can waste at work this June. Fun and office games it:
have their appeal, but be sure they also appeal to the ~~
big bosses. ■
~
Relationships ADVICE
like you're there together. She can listen to
it repeatedly and you will be topping off her
chart every night, just as if you were there.
2. PutIt in YouriCal:You must always have a
meet date on the calendar to look forward
to. During your hiatus apart, both of you
should take the same kind of lessons at
the same time. For example, learn the same
dance, how to make the same spicy cuisine
or how to macrame. Then, meet in the
middle after eight weeks and tango the night
away. Generate heat together in the kitchen.
Exchange macrame thongs. You're creating
something together while you're apart and
that will keep things fresh.
Long Distance Lovin' 2.0
' Fourways to make yourromancelast
in the digitalage. By Kate Lacey
Girl meets virtual girl. It's the love story of our
generation, and the matchmaker of the 21st
century is Bill Gates. With the advent of the
Internet, miles melt away right beneath your
fingertips. You can see her lovely face frozen
in time on Facebook. You can hear The Ellen
DeGeneresShow in stereo as you watch it
together via simultaneous DVR screenings.
You can chat for hours and hours while
staring into her beautiful eyes via Skype. While
the days of writing letters and having them
delivered via snail mail have been trumped
in our electronic age, there is still something
to be said for having physical accessibility
to your lover. Nonstop texting, tweeting,
posting, emailing and voice mails may give
a greater sense of day-to-day immediacy
than ever before; however, the same age-old
issues of physicality, insecurity and absence
still exist, just as they have since the days of
exchanging smoke signals from one mountain
top to another. Don't be fooled by the way her
avatar in SecondLife gazes lovingly at yours.
You will need to take extraordinary steps in
order for this long-distance digital love of
yours to beat the odds. Here are four ways
to keep things in your virtual romance fresh,
spicy and emotionally satisfying.
1. AuralAffection:
Here's an old-school idea.
In the dark ages (after 8-tracks but before
CDs), there was the dawning of the mix
tape. This was a revolutionary way to fill her
heart with lesbian anthems and an earnest
soundtrack set to the beat of your heart.
These days, you can take the mix CD to the
next level. Get ah inexpensive microphone
at your office supply store, insert your own
Remember,the photoyou
take couldone day end
up on her Facebookwall...
But what is lovewithout
risk?What is intellectual
propertywithouta sweetly
written,perfume-scented
legalwaiver?
MP3 of you petting the kitty, working the
field, mining for gold, saying her name and
filling in your own soundtrack of moans and
groans. Reach that climax, add a giggle and
a loving sentiment or two and it'll be just
3. Quid Pro Quo:Every two weeks, swap
intimate fantasies with your girl. Your
assignment will be to take a photograph of
yourself that fulfills her fantasy in some way.
Get a tripod and do this digitally-but
be
sure you are comfortable with how explicit
you get in your picture. You don't need to
get too nasty to pique her interest and get
her going (unless you want to). Be artsy,
be creative, but remember, the photo you
take could one day end up on her Facebook
wall and your loving video could easily be
the next YouTube craze. But what is love
without risk? What is intellectual property
without a sweetly written, perfume-scented
legal waiver?
4. Make It Memorable:Writing to each
other is fine, but if you never meet, then
you are just pen pals who talk dirty. You
have to set up meetings that are special and
meaningful. If you both drive 200 miles just
to watch America'sNext Top Model reruns
in a T ravelodge, you are missing a golden
opportunity. Create memorable moments
with plenty of photos and videos. Take a
train ride, go up in a hot air balloon, jump
out of a plane or dip each other in latex just
to watch it dry. Life is too short and your
time together is even shorter, so make it
memorable and about more than just getting
your needs met between the sheets. Because
you can't do that with one hand hovering on
your motherboard. ■
June 2010
I27
DYKE
DRAMA
Ten Ways to Survive Pride
These expert tips will make this year's festivities a rousing success.
By Michele Fisher
real work, like food booths. You are not
going to get much action smelling like
falafel and sweat. Whatever you do, don't be
the manager of a booth. You want to be one
of the selfish little jerks that flirts and chats
all day and leaves the others with the bulk
of the work.
For you betrothed ladies, you will be the
responsible ones in the booth. Working a
booth is a great way to be a part of the action
without wearing out your feet. You get a sense
of accomplishment and purpose and maybe
some new friends too.
For you booth owners, make sure you
pick the right mix of single girl eye candy to
attract patrons and married lady workers so
that your booth doesn't get abandoned or
dismantled by a brawl.
2. Volunteer
Maybe you can't find a booth to
work, no bother, every Pride in the world
has to beg for volunteers each year. Those
volunteer meetings are a great way to hook up
as well. But just like the booth, and sex with
a new partner, you must choose your position
carefully. It is very cool to be stationed along
the parade route directing pedestrian traffic
("Right this way ladies") but not to clean-up
after the police horses ("Did you see me, cute
lady? I was the one with the pink shovel and
rubber boots:')
For me, Gay Pride is like Christmas, New
Year's and Halloween all globbed together in
one sweet, delicious, rainbow-colored popcorn ball. However, as wonderful as Pride is,
just like the more traditional holidays it brings
pressure and stress. Everybody wants to know
what you are doing and who you're doing it
with. How many parties will you attend and
what will you wear? Who is your ex bringing?
The pressure to not just have fun, but to have
the best Pride ever is enormous.
Whether you enjoy your big gooey ball
of Pride or choke on it depends on your
2s
Icurve
approach. After many a year of ringing in the
Pride festivities, these are my best tips for a
bang-up Pride celebration:
1. Worka boothat the celebration.
For you
single gals, being in a booth at Pride is like
having a female delivery service. Don't pick
some sad sack organization that is going to
make girls cry and you look like a heel for
hunting from the booth. You want cool, hip
and current-and
a little beat to gyrate to
wouldn't be a bad thing either.
Beware of staffing booths that require
3. Sunscreen.
You've got to keep your skin
healthy, it's not like you can just iron out the
wrinkles later. Besides, you don't want to
show up to work with sunburn if you called
in sick to attend Pride.
4. Bewareofthesunandalcoholcombo.
Alone,
each is dangerous but together they can be
deadly. If sunstroke and alcohol poisoning a
don't get you, the footage of you on YouTube ~
u
certainly will. Remember, it is called Gay ~
u
Pride, not Homosexual Humiliation Day.
2
au
l
5.Avoidoutfitdisasters.
That red Lycra catsuit
~
~
was a great idea in the store, but you didn't
plan on those drippy half moons of sweat
tinder your armpits, butt cheeks and boobs.
Yuck. Poor .kitty, you thought you would
slink into somebody's bed, but instead you
are headed alone to the litter box.
If you think you may find yourself hopping
on stage to shimmy 'commando" style in a
sarong, consider a Brazilian wax. And for the
drag kings, remember glue melts when it's
warm, so keep a close watch on the whereaJ,outs of your sideburns and moustaches, as
they tend to wander.
question is not that hard. Perhaps you are
somewhere in between-but
forgot to tell
your lover.
If you are thinking of ditching your woman
and going to Pride with someone else, plan to
get busted. Somebody, who knows somebody,
who knows your girlfriend, is going to see you
and tell on you before you have a chance to
buy that rainbow snow cone for the new gal.
And don't bring a date at all if you are
hoping to meet women. Asking a girl to Pride
is like asking her to the prom. You brought
her, she expects to be with you the entire day
and then leave with you when it's all over. She
6. Touristsare the ticket to a thrillingPride. does not expect you to chase other women.
They don't know you, so they will be more
Really, every year I watch the same scenario
likely to succumb to your charms than the play out again and again and I wonder what
local girls who are onto your shtick. Invent
these dopey dykes are thinking.
someone fabulous and be,...<her for the
Do you really think your woman is going
weekend. Who cares if you are lying, so to be OK with you exchanging info or saliva
is she. You're looking to get lucky and the with another woman? Disrespecting her in
tourist is looking for a free place to stay front of half a million people is neither the
during Pride. Everybody is a winner!
time nor the place to approach her about an
open relationship.
7. Knowyourmaritalstatus.Are you single,
engaged or married? Well, come on, the 8. Water.Not vodka in a water bottle, but
II
actual H20. Nobody likes a dry dyke. When
you get dehydrated you get crabby and you
get a headache and become a real party
pooper and we don't want to hear it.
But staying hydrated means you better ...
9. Scopeouta bathroom
beforetheeventI say
bust out that festive purple velvet stovepipe
hat topped with a toilet paper roller. The girls
will find you irresistible, particularly if you
hang around the port-a-jonnies.
Better yet, don't you have an elderly shut-in
relative who lives along the parade route?
Schedule a visit on Pride day and bring a few
dozen friends.
10. Hop on a float. So you didn't get it
together in time to work a booth and you
missed the volunteer meetings because you
overslept-three
weeks in a row. You can
still hitch a ride on a float. Floats are perfect
for those attention-seeking missile types.
But look before you leap. You don't want
to be flashing your hooters on the PFLAG
float or sporting that leather thong on the
Vegans for Vaginas entry. ■
~l!M:t\!lc~I
*WomantestSept7-12
June 2010 j 29
OUTINFRONT
Out of the
Mainstream
Three women who challenge
the dominant paradigm.
By Sheryl Kay
"They usually represent the interests of
wealthy LGBT people ... the very people who
have the luxury and resources to wait 30 more
years for rights and benefits;' says Wolf, adding
that "the world looks mighty different from
behind the wheel of a Chevy than from the
driver's seat of a Mercedes:'
Sexuality and Socialism:History, Politicsand
Theoryof LGBT Liberation,Wolf is currently
working with organizers to build Equality
Across America (EAA), a national network
of grassroots activist groups, believing that
the 'corporate-dominated groups such as the
HRC" don't have either the vision or the will
to mobilize people in the streets.
30
Icurve
Making the Invisible Visible.
SwHching
Battlegrounds
Increasing
lnclusivity
LourdesTorresknows what it's like to be
GoingGrassroots
No matter how outre and outrageous your sex
life is, Sherry
Wolfwill tell you it's not the route
to liberation.
"Some radicals seem to reduce liberation to
selfexpression, but when you've got to make
the car payment, feed the kids, pay the rent
and find a way of covering your root canal
bill, fist fucking and two-sided dildos aren't a
means toward liberation;' says Wolf, a longtime member of the International Socialist
Organization.
Wolf says that the LGBT community can't
afford to separate sexual oppression from the
system that promotes malicious homophobia
and repressive legislation, namely capitalism.
The same negative ideas about LGBT people
serve to justify lower wages for women and
gays, and the nuclear family, she believes,
is an ideal incubator for gender norms and
provides a cheap way for the rich to offload
social needs like child care onto the backs of
working people.
Having just penned her latest book,
LGBT issues and people are a much bigger
part of mainstream culture today.
Keep an eye out for Torres' upcoming
book on queer Puerto Rican women's narratives, tentatively titled BoricuasRepresenting:
oppressed by the dominant culture. "Latina
lesbians are members of two oppressed
groups;' says Torres, a professor of Latin
American Studies at DePaul University."Both
Latinas and lesbians are subjected to discrimination and prejudice, so, as a member of two
marginalized groups-three if you count being
a woman-your challenges are multiple:'
Because of cultural and linguistic differences,
Torres says Latinas often don't feel welcome in
mainstream queer organizations, so they are
organizing and creating groups such as Amigas
Latinas, a supportive advocacy group of which
Torres is an executive board member.
"We are challenging both the queer,
middle-class, mostly Anglo, LGBT movement and the heterosexual Latino and
Latina community to be more responsive to
our needs;' says Torres.
Torres points to feminist Latina lesbians
Cherrie Moraga and Gloria Anzaldua as two
big influences on her life. "We participate in
multiple communities and we are demanding
that our issues be addressed in all of these
communities:'
Torres, who just turned 50, says she is often
struck by the degree to which the world has
changed for young people regarding gay and
lesbian issues. She reports that her students
today are muc~ more aware of LGBT issues
than when she was in college, noting that
Poverty can have its advantages, says
Josephine Ho, whose early life of hardship growing up in Taiwan taught her to be
aggressive but pragmatic, two things that
have helped her through some tough times.
On the surface, Taiwan appears to be a
society attentive to equal rights, but Ho
tells of police raids on gay house parties and
obscenity charges against the sale of gay
publications. Both, she says, are common.
For Ho, who is a professor of English at
the National Central University in Chungli,
it may have been her academic credentials
that insulated her from legally enforced
prejudices-that is, until 2003, when she was
brought up on obscenity charges for creating
an academic online sexuality data bank. After
an 18-month legal battle, she was exonerated.
Since that time, Ho has worked tirelessly in
Taiwan-and on the international front-on
behalf of local organization and mobilization
for the anti-war, anti-globalization, antinuclear-plant movements and, most recently,
the anti-social-exclusion movement.
While she says LGBT civil rights have
been gaining in the cultural sphere for a while,
right-wing Christians have now switched the
battleground to the legal realm.
"In that sense, I would encourage young
people who may be interested in the study of
law to pursue a career in that field and start a
revolution from within the belly of the beast;'
says Ho. "We need well-trained professionals
to help fight on this new battleground:' ■
POLITICS
Claiming Our Identity
Taking pride in our queerness. By Victoria A. Brownworth
Writing about Pride Month often seems a
variation on those elementary school essays on
"How I Spent My Summer Vacation:' I think
of Pride as a time not just of celebration but
also of reflection. As a historian, an activist
and a journalist, Pride makes me think not so
much about how far weve come, but about all
that we have not yet achieved.
It's easy to focus all our attention on the
acronyms DADT and DOMA, which tend to
stop us in our tracks when we start thinking
about civil rights. But if we had marriage
equality and military equity tomorrow, wed
still have to address other, less obvious elements
of Pride.
Months ago, when I first saw Colin Firth's
Oscar-nominated performance in A Single
Man, I thought about how fortunate I was
to have come out as a teenager soon after
Stonewall. I never had to go through life in
the closet.
In A SingleMan, Firth's character, George
Falconer, is emotionally tortured after Jim, his
partner of 16 years and the love of his life, is
killed in a car wreck. Instead of being able to
grieve his loss, George must hide it. The film
32
Icurve
is set in the 1960s when there was no societal
recognition of what these men were to each
other. None. The allegedly "single' manreally a widower-leads half a life because his
real life is unacceptable.
But what is most shocking is how little has
changed in 40 years. Many queers still live
"lives of quiet desperation'' and self~loathing.
One reason for this is because "Pride' is something that is neither endemic to nor intrinsic
in our culture-while homophobia is both.
In 1973, the year after I graduated from
high school, the DSM (Diagnostic and
StatisticalManual of Mental Disorders)finally
dropped homosexuality from its list of
mental illnesses. That was a couple of years
late for me. I had already been incarcerated
in a psychiatric hospital at age 15 for being a
lesbian. Being queer was a mental illness that
therapy and drugs would change-or at least
that was the theory at the time.
I was not the only teenage lesbian in the
place, nor was I the only lesbian I knew of who
would end up there. Two of my best friends
from high school were incarcerated for being
queer, just as I had been. As I got older, I met
many other lesbians and gay men who'd had
the same experience of having "treatment"
forced on them in mental hospitals.
How often does this still happen? It's
slightly more difficult to put your teenager in
a mental hospital than it was when I was a
kid, but only slightly. Laws now protect adults
from "inessential" incarceration in mental
hospitals, but parents can still do what they
want with their children under the guise of
helping them. A 72-hour hold can easily turn
into lengthy reparative therapy.
Reparative or conversion therapy (the very
name makes clear how wrong its proponents
find being queer) asserts that sexual orientation can be changed.
The National Association for Research &
Therapy of Homosexuality is an organization
that believes in the ability to change a
person's sexual identification. By their own
account, they are "a professional, scientific
organization that offers hope to those who
struggle with unwanted homosexuality:' On
their home-page NARTH states, "As an
organization, we disseminate educational
information, conduct and collect scientific
research, promote effective therapeutic treat~
ment, and provide referrals to those who seek
our assistance:'
NARTH will be holding a convention
and training institute in Philadelphia this
November. The group has developed such
a large following that it is now publishing
its journal in Spanish as well as English and
doing global recruiting. One member of the
NARTH board, Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, has
appeared on the Dr. Phil show to debunk the
idea that sexual orientation is innate.
The group presents itself as a scientifically
based organization. Its president and board of
officers are doctors, Ph.D.s and M.A.s. They
argue the "science"of how same-sex attraction
is just a psychosocial misfiring which can be
corrected with therapy.
That was the "science" in 1971, when my
parents put me in a mental hospital to 'cure"
me. It didn't work. Nor did it work for the
',i
many friends, acquaintances and colleagues ~
of mine who had similar experiences.
cJl
Yet 41 years post-Stonewall and 36 years i
since the DSM revised its pathological
a:
depiction of homosexuality, societal attitudes ;i
C/J
remain stuck in a time warp.
~
~
In the larger society-as well as in portions a:
~
of our own _community-the assertion that
same,sex orientation is a choice, not some,
thing as immutable and thus unchangeable
as the color of one's skin continues to be
promulgated. There certainly is no convention
and training session anywhere in America
this year for the "conversion" of blacks and
Latinos into whites. If there were, the outrage
would be universal ( even, one presumes,
among racists). There are also no groups
espousing that heterosexuals change, repair
or convert their orientation to queer.
Where is the outrage over the lie that
lesbians and gay men have chosen to be queer
and thus can just as easily and readily choose
not to be so? Or should do so?
Can we have a true celebration of some,
thing called "Pride'' if a percentage of our
own queer demographic continues to want
to "cure" itself? And what about all the kids
growing up lesbian and gay who are being
sent the same message that I was sent-that
being queer is anomalous and that anomalies
are wrong? Will those kids end up in psych
wards to be "fixed" because the pressure
to be "normal" was just too great and they
attempted suicide?
Pride is about learning to accept ourselves
for who we are-queer. Some of us completed
that journey years ago. Others, who are still in
the closet or still trying to "cure" themselves,
continue to be haunted by the homophobic
message that we are not fully realized people.
Politicians and public figures are regularly
caught in gay scandals. Why? Because so
many of us don't accept ourselves or one
another if we are not straight.
Pride is a double,edged sword. We can
have our celebrations, but we also must
recognize that the work begun at Stonewall
is far from over.
With Pride comes responsibility-the
responsibility to continue to fight the
damaging misrepresentations of who we
are, just as we once fought the DSM for
pathologizing our love of one another.
Forty,one years after Stonewall it's not that
we are still being denied our civil rights and
equal standing in society, but that we are
still being told we can and should choose to
be something other than who we are.
Celebrate Pride, but keep on fighting,
because the battle for our full personhood
has yet to be won. ■
GLENNDATESTONETAKESTHE LEAD
Glee,TheL Wordandthe art collective
FiercePussy-a standardinterviewwith
the newexecutivedirectorof the world's
secondlargestLGBTcommunitycenter
usuallywouldn'tcovertopicslikethese,
but Glennda
Testoneisn't youraverage
exec.LastSeptember,
Testonestepped
upto leadthe Lesbian,Gay,Bisexualand
Transgender
Community
Centerin New
YorkCity.Smart,savvyandjust 34 years
old,Testoneis thefirst womanto helm
the Center.
AstheCenter's
firstlesbianexecutive
director,
whataresomeofyourbiggest
goalsfortheCenter?
TheCenterwelcomes6,000peopleevery
weekand morethan 300,000people
everyyear.That'sa lot, buttherearestill
so manypeoplewhodon'tknowabout
all we haveto offer.I wanteveryLGBT
personin the NewYorkareato knowthey
canturnto usfor the servicestheyneed.
Whatdoyouplanto doforthelesbian
communityyouservein particular?
Manylesbianandbisexualwomencome
to theCenterto dealwithcancerdiagnoses,
startingfamiliesor comingout,so
we'vecreatedprogramsto meetthese
specificneeds.Thelesbiancommunity
hasdonean amazingjob buildingsupport
networks,butthere'sstill so muchto do.
Thewomenin ourcommunityreallyneed
to helpeachotherno matterwherewe
happento be onourjourneys.
Yourpredecessor,
RichardBurns,led
theCenterfor22 years,soyouwere12
whenhetookthejob.ls thiswhatyou
thoughtyou'dgrowupto bewhenyou
werethatage?
Absolutelynot.WhenI wasyounger,I
wasbusysuckingupto myteachersthinkRachelin Glee,but hopefullyless
annoying-anddreamingof becomingthe
nextMaryLouRetton.I thoughtmyfuture
wouldbegymnastics
andboyfriends,
and
thena husband.Boy,wasI wrong.
WhatplansdoyouhavefortheCenter's
famousodeto maleanatomy,
theKeith
Haringbathroom?
Peoplecomefromall overthe world
to seeHaring'sfloor-to-ceiling
penis
paintings,so I thinkthe bestthingI can
do to honorhis memoryis to ensurewe
preserveit as bestwe can.Wedo have
an all-genderbathroomfeaturingartwork
by FiercePussy,a queerwomen'sartist
collective.It's notas well-knownas
I thought my future
would be gymnastics
and boyfriends, and
then a husband.
Boy, was I wrong.
Haring'swork,yet,but I lovethat the
Centeris a placewherepeoplecanfind
imagesandtakeactionthat celebratesall
kindsof sexualityandgenderexpression.
Finally,perhaps
themostimportant
question
of all: TheL Wordis over-may
it restinpeace-butif youcouldbeanyone
ontheshow,whowouldit beandwhy?
I wouldbe HelenaPeabody,
hands-down.
I wouldusemymother'sfortuneto write
a hugecheckto the Centerso every
memberof the LGBTcommunityin New
Yorkwouldalwayshavea safe,welcoming
placeto call home-no dance-a-thons
required.[Gretchen
Dukowitz]
June 2010
j
33
ITRIED
IT
No Fear of Flying
Two women glide through the Hawaiian skies.
By Gillian Kendall
A 23-year-old woman with boy-short hair
and cut offs was strapping me into a fourpoint harness. Even though it was my first
time, Original Glider Rides pilot Meagan
Nauman gave me the front place in our twoperson sailplane.
"See those things by your feet?" Nauman
pointed to pedals that loo~ed like the clutch
and brake in a car."They're the rudders. Don't
let your foot touch them. And don't let your
legs brush against this:' She tapped the long,
straight shaft with the rounded knob sticking
up between my thighs. "This is the control:' I
refrained from pointing out the obvious, and
I think she was relieved. Flying planes since
age 19, Nauman has probably heard too
many stupid jokes about control sticks.
I remembered to keep my knees bent and
legs apart, fighting my femme tendencies
to cross and tuck. "But if I'm sitting here;' I
said, "how are you going to steer and everything:'" I was trying not to sound nervous,
but I needed to know how she meant to keep
our aircraft up and away from the cliff.
Hopping into place behind me, Nauman
said, ''I've got dual controls in back. Don't
worry-you're
gonna love it:' Over our
34
I curve
heads, she lowered a clear plastic "bubble
top;' which was like the visor on a motorcycle
helmet. Then the orange tow plane ahead of
us started its propellers, and soon we were
skimming down the runway, pulled by a thin,
frayed nylon rope.
"Feel that:"'Nauman called over my shoulder.
"Were already in the air! The glider's so light,
it's floating before the plane even takes off.' As
I tried to figure out the aerodynamics, the tow
plane lifted off and then pulled us skywards at a
gentle angle. Soon I could see all of Dillingham
Airfield, and then roads, houses and the top of
the cliff.And since we were gliding over North
Oahu, Hawaii, half the view below us was
Pacific Ocean: a vast mosaic of sharply defined
pockets of blue.
"We're heading for that hole;' Nauman
instructed, and for a second I was afraid she
meant a deep turquoise pool I was gazing
at, but then she pointed out a break in the
cloud cover.
I couldn't take it all in at once, and kept
turning my head to see the fields of sugar cane,
ragged cliffs, and the palm tree lined stretches
of pale sand. The Waianae Mountains uolled
into the distance, revealing the little town of
Waialua, and up the coast lay the famous
surf beach, Pipeline, and Waimea Bay.
As we rose, Nauman chatted about the
dials in front of me: An altimeter and some
indicators for air speed and vertical height.
When we'd reached 3,000 feet-the perfect
height for sightseeing-Nauman
released
the line that held us to the tow plane. Having
been told to expect a sharp drop, I braced
myself, but the glider stayed level and then
slowly gained altitude as we rode a thermal,
a rising bubble of warm air. Nauman told
me later that she'd done a "soft release" since
it was my first time, and she didn't want to
make me nervous.
And amazingly, I wasn't nervous. In the
little craft, which weighed only 970 pounds,
I could feel the strong air currents buoying us
up, and I was no more afraid of falling than if
I'd been floating on water. With the tow plane
gone, our glide was as quiet as riding a bike.
"Do you want to make a turn?" she asked.
"Go for it!" I said, expecting her to take us
inland.
"No, you make it. Move the stick gently to
the right;' she said. "It's really sensitive:'
Not wa~ting to slam us to the ground, I
applied two fingertips to the control.
"No, go ahead and take hold of it. Don't
be scared:'
I edged the stick sideways an inch, and
the glider smoothly rotated. Nauman did
something to keep our wings even, and then
we were heading back the way we'd come.
Too soon Nauman pointed the nose down to
start our slow descent. "See how that feels:"'she
asked. Even at a few feet above the asphalt, the
uplift was sure and steady."We could keep going
all the way down this runway and then get back
up again;' she said."We could stay up all day:'
"Let's do it!" I said.
Nauman laughed. "Nah, sorry, that was
almost an hour. I'm going to put us down on
that X, right there:' Seconds later, she did. We
taxied in and climbed out, and I stood on the
empty runway for a while, not ready to leave.
Thrilled by gliding, I was also moved by the ease
and skill of the young woman who, having just
taken me for the ride of my life,was then cheerfully pushing her aircraft into its hangar. My
first glider ride had been even more stunning
than I'd expected, and as in other things, it
was nice to have an experienced lesbian pilot
at the helm. ■
Toplcal,.....aad
tlcb.ftw.lllOlq ...........
...
feraonlllly ... ondapand
7weeksofqe
weighing
[;he'g a
•
•
•
ou~tfty.
• •
S COUNTRY MUSIC star Chely Wright stood
Photos by
Michael
Granberry and
Laura Crost
Hair and
makeup by
Cherie Combs
36
Icurve
Why coming out took so long
for musician Chely Wright.
in front of a stadium of thousands of her
screaming fans, belting out 1999's girl-power
rallying anthem, "Single White Female;' she had
no idea that the Sex and the City-style country
hit-which
spoke directly to the joys and
frustrations of single women everywhere-would skyrocket
that summer to top three music charts (including No. 1 on
Billboard)and become the best-selling record in the nation.
However, Wright's "overnight" success was anything but.
She had been performing in Nashville for a decade already
(starting as a teen at Opryland), and even had her first Top
·20 hit from her third album ("Shut Up and Drive"). But
1999 was the year it all turned for Chely Wright. Soon she
topped other charts-People's 50 Most Beautiful People list,
FHMs' Sexiest Women in Music-and she was collaborating,
on stage and off, with some of the country's most eligible
bachelors like Vince Gill, Brad Paisley, Brett Favre and Troy
Aikman. She performed around the globe, entertained the
military troops, gained awards and mainstream success and
maintained her belief in God, family and apple pie. It was
everything Wright had dreamed about since she was a little
girl in Wellsville, Kan. all those years ago.
Then on January 26, 2006, Wright pulled down a 9mm
handgun from her closet, stood in front of a mirror, put the
muzzle in her mouth and prayed. Why? Because after years
oflying and hiding and pretending, country music star Chely
. Wright could no longer keep her big secret: she was gay.
Today, 39-year-old Wright is alive and well and ready
to tell the world that she's a lesbian, even if by doing so she
becomes a flashpoint for debate among country music fans.
Because while some country crooners like Garth Brooks and
Dolly Parton have preached tolerance and gay-friendliness,
the music industry known simply as "Nashville" has never
seen an openly gay country music star. (Though k.d. lang
made an early record in Nashville, the traditional world of
country music never embraced the androgynous vegetarian
as one of their own, and she had long abandoned the country
genre before coming out in 1992).
Wright has just released a memoir, Like Me, which talks
about juggling her secret sexuality with music stardom, and
her new album, Lifted Off the Ground, which tackles some
of the same territory in occasionally haunting, always
evocative lyricism.
New York lesbian filmmakers Bobbie Birleffi and Beverly
Kopf (see sidebar pg. 38) are even documenting Wright's life
for a film on her coming out and the subsequent fallout in
Nashville, the Buckle of the Bible Belt and in the Midwest,
where the singer is from.
But for Wright, the woman who thrilled troop members
in Korea, Kuwait, Germany, Iraq and even a remote military
outpost in Afghanistan; who was (unwittingly) embraced by
the Boy Scouts, Disney and the religious right for her good
American values; the girl who made a pact with God that
she'd never sin if she could make it to the Grand 01' Opry;
the teen who became a homecoming queen and, years later,
the American Legion's Woman of the Year; the country girl
who cried when she met Loretta Lynn; the woman who hasn't
even told her own motherthat she's gay-for that woman, the
stakes are high. Wright knows that today is the first day of a
new life, and it is today, in these pages, that the woman with
seven country music albums and millions of fans worldwide
finally finds her voice.
Let'sget rightto the bigquestion.Whendidyourealizeyouwere
a lesbian?
I knew when I was 4 that I was different, but I wasn't able
to identify what that difference was until third grade. And I
knew when I was 9 that it was that I was gay.
So this has beeninthe backof yourmindfora verylongtime.
I wouldn't say the back of my mind, no. There are a lot of
people who know they are gay and they just really deny
themselves and don't even act on it. I'm happy to say that ... I
didn't hide that much. I had relationships, but I was as fully
in the closet as one can be. It's been hard. But I knew enough
to know who I am. I have known it beyond a shadow of a
doubt since I was in third grade.
Whatbroughtyouto the pointof comingoutpublicly?
~
ffi
en
(Inhales] Well, I almost died. The hiding almost killed me. I
had pretty masterfully ... painted myself into a corner. I'd made ~
a deal .;fth God early on that I'll go without love in my life, ~
t)
just give me music. But when you're 9 years old and brokering 5E
i
deals with God about what you will and won't do, and you
don't realize the importance of love and companionship in
your life, one really shouldn't be held to those deals.
Asa kid,youalsomadea pactwithGodto keepyoursinning
toa
minimum
if youcouldjustmakeit to theGrand01'Opry.
Many of the deals I cut with God, I kept. I never smoked
a cigarette, never did a drug. I never got into any trouble. I
was a straight-A student. I'm a bit of a rule follower, kind
of a Captain Safety, super nerd, honestly. But ... God gave
me enough understanding that even though the preacher at
church was saying [being gay] is a building block of evil and
sin, I had an understanding with God. Once I knew I was
spiritually OK, I still knew that I had to hide. I wanted to be
a country music singer. And still to this day, there has never
been a country music singer that has had hit records that has
acknowledged his or her homosexuality. I just knew that I
wouldn't have gotten that record contract. I knew I wouldn't
have gotten those hit records. I just felt like I had to hide and,
quite frankly, I look back on it now and I still believe that I
did what I had to do.
Eventhoughsomecountrymusicstarshavebeensupportive
of
gaysand lesbians,
Nashville
still isn'ta gay-friendly
industry.
MartinaMcBridejusttoldOutmagazine
thatshejustcouldn't
imagine
countrymusicaccepting
anopenlygaystar.
Those artists who have supported the gay community, it's
remarkable that they say that. When I hear things like that, it
makes me really happy and proud. But ... there's a huge divide
between someone saying, "We support the gay community;'
and some country artists saying, "Love the sinner and hate
the sin;' and that makes my skin crawl because I am a
Fordecades,
countrymusicstarChelyWright
hada shadow:
thespecterof herhidden
sexuality
thatshecouldn't
daretellanyone.
Theselastfew monthsshe'shada different
kindofcompanion:
lesbian
filmmakers
Bobbie
BlrlefflandBeverlyKopf,whoaremaking
a documentary
aboutWright'scomingout,
tentativelytitled WishMeAway.
Emmyaward-winner
Birleffihasproduced,
directed
andwrittenbiographies
forA&E,Bravo,
Lifetime,PBSandmore,andhasworkedasa
producer
for showslikeMiamiInkandRachel
Zoe.In 2000,sheandKopfbecame
business
partnerstoo,bycreatingTVgals,
Inc.
Thecompany
hasproduced
numerous
projects,
Including
the2005documentary
BeReal:StoriesfromQueerAmericaandthe
behind-the-scenes
OWfeaturettes
forJulie
Taymor's
AcrosstheUniverse.
KopfherselfIs
anEmmyaward-winning
writerof TheVisw,
anda writerandproducer
whohas wor1<ed
oneverything
fromrealityshowsto long-form
documentaries.
Wright'sstorydrewthemin Immediately.
"Of
381 curve
sinner, but this is not one of my sins.
DoyouthinkthatMartina's
wrong?
I sadly don't think she's wrong. You know, Martina is from
the salt of th~ earth Midwest, just like I am. She's a Kansas
girl. All the country stars that I know, we all hail pretty much
from small town America. Small town America doesn't
necessarily mean the Midwest. It really basically means
anywhere 40 minutes outside of a major metropolitan area
and that's pretty much conservative America. By and large,
country music is about faith, family and country-and
I
have to say, that's what I am about, too. I just knew my
being gay, people would have a hard time connecting
the dots. I don't want to be pessimistic but I don't think
[Martina's] wrong.
k.d.langstartedoutin countrymusic,butbythetimeshecame
outshewasdoingpop.Yournewalbumis definitely
country.
I don't know if [k.d. lang] ever considered herself a country
artist. Although she made a record in Nashville early on, she
never had a hit country record ... Gosh, what an incredible,
phenomenal talent. My career is and always has been country
and only country.
Canyoubea bridgebetween
theLGBT
community
andNashville?
I feel uniquely positioned. You know, somebody's got to be
the first mainstream commercial country artist to stand up. I
think people in Middle America get such a skewed interpretation of what gays and lesbians are, and I think a lot of times a
parent doesn't want their child to reveal to them that they're
gay because they just don't want their kid to have a hard time
in society. They think their kid is going to end up some kind of
freakshow and most of the gays and lesbians that I know are
everything
thatwe"vedone... we bothbelieve
thatthisis theprojectwehavewaitedtor,i'says
Kopf."Because
she is thefirst to comeoutIn
countrymusic,andbecause
sheis soarticulate
andappealing,
andbecause
we havebeengiven
accessto herprocessas It unfolds...we believe
thatourfilm will reachintotheheartsand
mindsof anaudience
ourcommunity
seldom
reaches.
Chely'scomingoutwill bea turning
pointin thecultureof countrymusic,which
promotes
God,familyandcountryasIf thiswere
animagethatdoesnotincludemembers
of the
LGBT
community."
Thefilm capturestwoyearsof Wright'slifethrough
thewritingof herbook,therelease
of
her CDandherpreparation
tofacethemedia
whirlwind."Wewill alsobethereto catchthe
fall outwithfansandIndustry
executives,"
Kopf
admits."Thefilm explores
the natureof her
hidingand its consequences.
Manypeople,gay
orstraight,
willrelatetothispartofthestory.
All of ushavehiddensomething
in ourlive~or
something
aboutourselves
at somepoint."
BothlV galshavebeendrawntowomen's
stories."Welovewomenso it isn't hardto
maketheirstoriescompelling
andrevealing
andwe knewIt wasa film thatwe hadto
make,"Kopfsays.
Afterextraordlnarlly
longcareers
Inentertainment,they'vebothhaddefiningmoments.
"Becoming
theheadwriterof TheViswwasone
ofthem,"Kopfadmits.
"Because
I wasout,I was
in a uniquepositionto influence
theconversation
ofthewomen
sittingaround
thetableandI know
thatwetalkeda lotmoreaboutLGBT
Issues
with
a lot moredepthandunderstanding
thanwe
wouldhaveif I hadbeenInthecloset."
Fittingly,Birleffiis mostfascinated
bygoing
intounchartered
andriskyterritory."I have
madefilmsaboutthe MormonChurch,
child
molesters
andoil andgasdevelopment
in my
homestateof Wyoming,"
sherecalls,aswellas
hundreds
of segments
coveringcontroversial
issuesfromcrimeto the environment
"Butthis
Isthefirst timeI haveobserved
andexplored
the risksinvolvedin tryingto becomean
authentic
person
whileInthepubliceye.Chely
Isteachingusa lot aboutcourage."
[DAM]
just super-duper normal. But the footage that gets shown from
the gay Pride parade, it's like the media pulls the strangest, most
odd footage and shows that. And that-if it ends up on a small
town bit of news coverage-scares people the most.
There'sa certainsensationalism
to showingdragqueensand
menin buttless
chaps.
Not that that's not adorable and sweet. You know, there's a
wide berth of dynamic personalities and ways that people
live their lives in the gay community, just like there is in the
heterosexual community.
I knowa numberof countrymusiclisteners
whoarequeer,and
theysharea lotofsamevaluesasothercountry
fans.
I agree. I see them at my shows. I can't even tell you how
many times I wish I could just grab them in the audience line
and just whisper in their ear, 'Tm like you, and you're like
me:' It's the thing that has just eaten away at me. One of the
things I hear most, when [fans are asked], "What do you love
so much about country music artists?" Their answer for the
most part, Diane, is, "They're so honest and real:' And it kills
me when I hear that. Because the things that I've presented
to fans-small town girl from the Midwest, who is a good
solid gal, loves the troops-all of those things are real, true
things about me. I really am quite proud of who I am. I feel
like I have been a good steward of my life. I'm a good friend,
I'm a good sister, I have been a good partner-when
I've had
a partner. I feel like I'm a good person, but the one thing,
the one truth about me that I've held back is that I am gay
and I've been gay the entire time. And I feel like when they
say,"We just love Chely so much; she's so honest and real;' I
just-it feels like I can't even absorb that compliment. I feel
like I've committed such a crime against myself I've betrayed
myself and I can't do it anymore, and, obviously, it almost
killed me.
Let'stalkmoreaboutthat.
I was always afraid of being outed so I didn't even have that
underground network that a lot of celebrities in the closet
enjoy. That network where your publicist knows and your
manager knows and your friends know and you keep it on
the down-low. I had a partner for 12 years and we only told
two people in the entire time we were a couple. I wasn't just
in the closet, I was behind the sheetrock in the closet. I didn't
even tell my best friend. I didn't tell anyone, because the
minute you do, they have to lie for .you.
Howdidthesecrecy
impactyourrelationship?
It was an incredible strain on my partner and on me. Can you
imagine being someone's partner and having to be a secret?
You know, it's really hard, it's incredibly painful. And this was
t~e love of my life, and to this day I struggle. I mean, I lost
her because of it. She wasn't out either, she didn't think that
fil
I could come out. We were just in a no-win situation ... and
(!)
~ we knew it. We did therapy. We did all the things we could
do and we continued to basically Band-Aid a gaping flesh
§ wound. We didn't know how to fix it.
a:
::, Didanyone
confront
youaboutbeinggay?
:5
15 At one point, I felt like I was about to be outed. Another
~ artist in country music kind of got me alone and caustically
~ asked me, "You're not gay, are you? People say you're gay:'
§
And I really felt really scared. This is in 2005 and he was
really spewing a lot of venom, and he is a powerful figure in
the Nashville music community and, for the first time ever,
I lied. I'd never had to answer the question. I had put myself
in a position to never be asked the question, much to the
detriment of my relationships in the industry. I think people
thought I was ... antisocial because I just didn't hang around
and fraternize with other people because I was so in hiding.
So, he asked me and I felt threatened and said, "Nope, no, I'm
not gay:' And he said, "Good, because that's deviant and sick
and country music fans won't have it:'
This sent me into a cyclone, into a spiral. I went home and
stewed for a couple of days and my partner said, "What is going
ant And I told her and it scared her ... and it set into motion
[our breakup]. We sold our house, moved into different houses.
I really thought [we'd] exist as a couple in different houses and
it just didn't work out that way. It ruined us, and shortly after
that I just went into a deep, deep depression. I realized I had
painted myself into a corner. I had amassed relative wealth
and success and fame and I was doing everythihg I ever said I
wanted to do and I realized that none of it matters.
I might get a little emotional about it. I have never t~ked
about it, this is only the second day I've ever talked about any
of this, aside from having written my book. I realized I would
rather work in a grocery store bagging groceries and live in a
crappy little apartment with my partner. I would rather have
love in my life than any of this, and I lost it all. So how do I
find my way out of this? I realized as I sat with myself in the
first few weeks of 2006, I could not orchestrate life as much
as I tried ... ! couldn't mastermind a plan for how to get
myself out of this. There was no way to make my truth intersect
with the life I was living. I wasn't crazy, I wasn't unstable
and, quiet frankly, I had always judged people who I heard
had committed suicide or had attempted it. I judged them
unfairly, I have to say, and thought, Well, how weak of them
and how lacking in faith. I found myself unable to figure out
how to get myself out of the situation and I realized that I
had no choice. I was tired of fighting it.
June 2010
I39
I have a gun. My parents had gotten it for me after I
was mugged in '91 and I had never touched it. I got it out
and I took it downstairs. I have a 100-year-old house ... and
[around) the fireplace there are these beautiful ornate mirrors
built in. I don't know why I went to this particular part of
the foyer. I stood in front of that mirror and put the gun in
my mouth. I was looking at myself as if I was out of my body
and I thought, I wonder why am I not crying? Don't people
cry? Aren't I supposed to be breaking down? And I've said a
prayer to God to please forgive me for what I was about to
do and I thought of my partners and I thought of my dogs and
how warm sunlight would feel on my skin at that moment,
and I thought about music. And I honestly thought, I just
hope that my sister isn't the one to find me. Then I heard
something. Obviously it wasn't the snap of the trigger. It was
my heart beating in my head. It was my heartbeat just going,
crsh, crsh and then I looked in the mirror at myself and I
started to cry. And then I started to feel. ..
[Chely pauses, her voice breaking)
... to really just feel what my emotions were. And I took
the gun out of my mouth and I put it on the mantle and I
walked upstairs and I got into bed. I didn't know if I would
find myself back down there, but I knew that would not be
the night that I would do that. And then the next day... I got
on my knees in my bedroom and I didn't pray for a miracle,
I didn't pray for a:way to make people understand, I diqn't
pray for anything magic. I just prayed for God to give me a
moment's peace and I swear, Diane, the minute I asked for a
moment's peace and said I meant it, I got it. I didn't even have
to take inventory ...
YoujustknewI knew, the minute I got it, OK, I'm going to be OK. I won't
. be taking my own life-don't know how I'm going to get
through this, but ... I had the truth and I thought, Seriously,
God, am I really-am I coming out? Like, are you kidding
me? But I knew that this was God somehow telling me, "I've
been telling y~u all along:' You know a lot of people will
argue to me that my being gay is a sin. I disagree with them,
but I won't sit around and argue with them about that. The
one sin I do know and that's lying and God expects me to tell
the truth and I can't stand the thought of another 14-yearold kid or 18 year-old kid or a 45-year-old man sitting in his
basement with a gun. I can't do it. I won't do it.
I do know this: my. book will exist, my book does exist
and if there's a girl in Santa Fe, N.M. that is like me and she
can buy my book, and perhaps her dad has seen me in Iraq,
perhaps her mom or dad have come to my shows and think
that Chely Wright is a heck of a gal-if she can hand that
book to her mom and dad and say,"I need you to read this
and I need to talk to you:' By all measure, country music fans
have already signed off on me, they like me, and I'm uniquely
positioned to say, If you liked me before-it's still me.
That'ssuchan amazingstoryto share,andto feel likeyou've
alsogottendivineguidance
in coming
out.
I'm not a hyper religious person. I'd have to say I'm spiritual
and that's one of the things for which I'm most thankful, that
I've never doubted God's love in my life. And there was that
God that they were telling me to be afraid of in church and
then there was that God that comforted me when I was 9,
you know, that said, "I know who you are. I know. I made you.
You're OK:' You know church is really interesting-the
damage that organized religion does to young people. I met
a gal yesterday, when I was doing Access Hollywood, and the
hair and makeup gal she got really emotional when she said, "I
want to tell you I think what you're doing is great:' People get
confused that in L.A. everybody's cool about it and everybody in New York is cool about it, and it's not
true. And you know this.
Absolutely.
But she said,"I think what you're doing is great!
I have a friend, [and) their 15-year-old is being
shipped off to be reformed. We're in L.A., and
they're shipping him off:' I'm not suggesting that
everyone come out. I'm not, because it's scary.
And I'm not suggesting that it's scary only for
celebrities to come out-it's scary if you work
at Target, it's scary if you work at Citigroup on
Wall Street. All I'm saying is that it's incumbent
upon those of us who feel like they can do it, to
come out. I'm glad that I ended up at my rock
bottom. I don't ever want to be back to where I
was, with a gun in my mouth, but I. .. would not
have been talking to you today had I not had a
spiritual and emotional recalibration.
Your backgroundis so all-American-from
homecoming
queenin Kansasto the country
musicstar singingfor our troopsaroundthe ~
globe.Somewouldcallyoutheidealambassador~(.)
forthegayandlesbiancommunity.
Areyouready ii
to bea rolemodel?
5
40
I curve
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Thank you for saying that. I have to say that I am. I didn't
Twitter that I'm gay. I obviously wrote a book [knowing)
that I will be talking about this a lot. I'm prepared to do
it. I'm eagerto do it. For a while, perhaps, it might eclipse
who I am musically and, you know, I'm a musician first but
I feel incredibly honored to be able to be positioned to be
a part of this discussion. I can't spout off statistics about
be very, very dark. I like ending the record with "Shadows
of Doubt:' I like "Hang Out in Your Heart:' I like that it
was just a real snapshot of the journey that I had. And,
fortunately, I feel like it's my best work. I mean, every artist
says that about every project they've got, but I have never
made a truer record, for sure.
Is thisthe albumwhereyoujustfelt
completely
unabashed?
Yes. I mean, I've had glimmers
of where I've kind of snuck in
emotional truths from mysel£ It
doesn't mean that my other records
weren't genuine; you always find a
way to attach yourself emotionally,
which, you know, I did. I've been very attached to every
the gay community and equality in the workrecord I ever made. But, to be able to just fully submit
place, but I'm learning. I am ready to be a role
to the emotion of a project and not let my head get
model. It doesn't mean I won't mess up and say
in the way-I can't think of a better way to make art. I can't
the wrong thing or do the wrong thing at times. But I am imagine the greatest painters of all time editing themselves.
ready to stand up and tell my truth. And, in doing that,
I imagine that this will resonate in a way with the listener that
I'm incredibly excited to work with GLSEN and to go into
my other records have never resonated.
public schools and talk to kids.
Someof yourmostfamoussongs,like "SingleWhiteFemale,"
Coming
froma placeof honesty
hasthemostimpact.I'vebeen havelyricslike "lookingfor a manlikeyou."Didyoueverfeel
listening
tosomeofthetracksfromthenewalbum.I listened
to hypocritical
singing
those?
"Notesto theCoroner,"
a number
oftimes.
Never, not once, and I still don't. I think I'll still sing them
That, Diane, is the only song that didn't come from my exactly how I always did. You know, I sing songs about
heart. That one came from m.y head. The rest of the songs
divorce, too, and I've never been married and divorced.
were written in my pajamas during that breakdown, which
And I'm a singer that interprets a song that I believe to be
my friend Mary calls my breakthrough. I tend to agree with
great whether I wrote it or not, and I believed "Single White
her."Notes to the Coroner" was written toward the end of the
Female" to be a great song. I never felt like a hypocrite and I
project. My amazing producer, and now great, great friend,
never felt not genuine as I sang those. Maybe in a funny
Rodney Crowl, and I were out to lunch during one of our
moment .. .if I'm playing a gay Pride event maybe I might
studio days, and to be honest with you, we were high-fiving
sing, "looking for a girl like you:' But SingleWhite Femalewas
one another about this project. I came out to him about half
a really big record and a really big part of who I am. You know,
way through the making of the record. We were saying
'Tm a one woman man and don't want no other"-that's an
how the tracks were sounding great, this is really feeling anthem to a lot of people, and I will sing it as such.
great, this record is really starting to take on more meaning,
Oneof the otherthingsyou'vesungaboutis the complex
especially for him once he realized [I am] gay. And he said, relationship
betweena motherand·achild.Wasyoursexuality
"Remember that day you came to me with your guitar and your anissueforyourmotherwhenyoucameout?
broken self and played me those songs initially? You know
Uh, my mother doesn't know.
you told me you thought you were dying:' And I said, "I Youhaven'tcomeoutto yourmotheryet?
know, I did:' And he said, "Well, you kind of looked like you No, I haven't.
were. I wasn't sure you weren't:'
So,she'llfindoutwiththerestoftheworld?
I'm not kidding, I would write those songs and then ...
Uh-huh, unless I pick up the phone between now and then
in the margins of the journal, I would write, "My heart is and tell her.
beating funny today. I can't breathe today. I can't feel my feet Wow.That'sa bigone.
and my circulation is weaker today and I am so cold:' I said, It's a big one, isn't it? Yeah.
"Rodney, I was literally writing notes to the coroner, because Youcame out to your sister.Haveyou comeout to other
I really believed I was dying:' And he said, "Oh, you've got to familymembers?
write that as a song. I don't care how you write it, it'sjust a great I came out to my father in 2005, in part because I thought
idea:• So I went home that day and I wrote it. That was
I was about to be outed. [Sighing) You know that thing that
actually a song that came out of my brain. It was a cerebral you do when you hide and you compartmentalize? Your phone
event rather than an emotional one.
rings and you're with your girlfriend and it's a family member
It's interesting
bookended
witha songlike"Broken."
There'sa that doesn't know you are gay and you don't pick up the phone
trajectory
andit kindof makessense.
because ... when he says, "Hey, kid, what are you doing?" You
Right? I mean, they're cohesive. They don't fight with one
don't want to say, "Laying on the couch with my girlfriend
another. There are moments on the record where it can watching a movie:•That was becoming a bigger and bigger tool
' 9 wagQitewQQy
W/llHttgnoteg
to theco1tone1t,
becauge
9
1teaQQy
beQleved
9 wagdying.
42
I curve
with which I dealt with my family members who didn't know,
which was all of them at that time, by the way, except for my
sister. I had been doing that game with my dad and growing
apart from him, and I adore my dad. I adore my mother as
well, I love my mother very much, but you know we have a
strained relationship. So my father called me in 2005 and said,
"Kid, can I talk to yout And I said, "Yeah:' He said, "Have I
·done something wrong?"
I told myself in the next couple of weeks I've got to tell
him. I had a show back home, in his home town, coming up
in a couple of weeks and that whole bus ride I laid in my
bunk and just thought, Holy crap, I'm going to tell my dad.
He walked in the door and I said, "Hey, Pipi, sit down, I need
to talk to you:' And he kind of grabbed for the bed and kind
of lowered himself and he said, "Are you okay? Are you sick?
What's wrong? You're sick-you have cancer?" I said, "Dad,
I'm OK;' and I just fell apart. I said, "I need to tell you something I've needed to tell you my whole life and I'.m scared that
you won't love me, and I'm scared that you won't want to be
my dad and I'm just scared to death to tell you:'
And I told him and we talked for a couple of hours and
he went from confusion-you know my dad's got an eighth
grade education-and
he said, "Well;' and I said 'Tm gay;'
and of course I'm crying my eyes out. And he said, "You are?"
and I said, "Yeah:' And he said, "But what about those boys?"
and I said, "Dad, I tried:'
He got angry and he said, "Why didn't you tell me before?
I'm mad:' And I said, "Don't you remember the jokes? Don't
you remember the things that were said in our house and in
our town about the gays and the perverts?" He just buried
his face in his hands and he just cried. And before we ended
the conversation he took his hat off and rubbed his forehead
and I said, "Dad, do you love me even though-?" And he
grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me straight to him
and he said, "Do I love you even though? I love you because:'
And he said, "I've learned in this life if you try to be something you're not, you won't be very goddamn good at it:'
I have hope, if a little former Navy guy that works
construction, that just is not a highly-educated man, can
understand it. He called me a couple of weeks later and said,'T ve
been doing a lot of thinking, kid. I thought I knew what gay was.
I always thought it was sick and sinful and only the messed up
people who had problems did stuff like that, but I don't know a
better person. I have to rethink what this gay thing is:•
Oncepeopleknowsomebody
theyloveis gay,it changestheir
mindcompletely
aboutthemisconceptions
thatthey'vehad.
Right. That's why I feel like I am so uniquely positioned. The
gay community has yet to be able to crack this conservative
Christian seal and introduce somebody that they already
She'sA LittleBit Countrycontinuedon page63
----.Bue,
Ll&;l-l'T
June 2010
I43
It wasp't just the lesbian community who recognized the
po:wer of Dobkin's songs to ignite a movement. She was
labeled a "troublemaker" by the FBI and lauded as biting,
•--....-~
inventive and uncompromising by the press. When David
Letterman and Ho.ward Stern began playing clips of her in
the '80s ( the song in which she spoke of the pleasures of
being a lesbian), Dobkin's words reached beyond her small,
devoted audience and into the living rooms of Middle
America. Over the next 25 years, she continued to write
and record women-centered music, amassing seven albums,
including the 1998 re-release of Lavender Jane.
Dobkin's loyalty to women's-only spaces has made her
a controversial figure, both within and outside of the
queer community, and she's· been accused of being manhating and trans-phobic. Regardless of the controversy
around Dobkin's women-centric politics, it is undeniable
that her songs forever changed lesbian history and helped
lead the way for a new lesbian feminist movement. With the
publication of her first book, My Red Blood, she gave fans a
chance to see what led to her coming out and her debut as
a beacon on the women's music scene. But Dobkin, now 70,
has set aside her "Head Lesbian" title for a much quieter
leadership position-matriarch
of her growing family.
Whatprepared
youfor yourlifeasa feministleader?
Everything prepared me. Everything about my life prepared
me for that and for this. I was raised a political being in
a communist family. I became a communist myself, even
though my parents forbid it-they hated the Communist
Party after they quit it. I was raised on politics to the point
where we rooted for the Brooklyn Dodgers because they
had Jackie Robinson and broke the color barrier. Politics
permeated everything in my life. So when I left the party
when I was 22, that left a real absence, a void in my life for
a number of years. I was certainly left wing, but I didn't
have that same kind of focus. And then I discovered feminism, kicking and screaming, and there it was, the perfect
politics, the most elegant, comprehensive politics I'd ever
come across-and
it still is.
Whatdoyouseeasthecorevaluesofthefeministmovement?
It's about community-the
importance of community and
building your own culture. It's about honoring women, and
putting women first, or trying to put women first. Of course
you're not always successful, and one can't [be]. I have two
grandsons whom I love more than anything in the world,
but that doesn't mean I don't love women and put women
first-I do.
What wouldyou like youngpeopleto know aboutthe '70s
feministmovement?
We were having lots oflaughs. Lots of fun. I remember just
having a great time, because what I consider a good time is
thinking and bouncing ideas off of each other, thinking on
your feet and then going out and doing something. That, to
me, is heaven. That's what we did and we made up-tried
to make up-ways of being true to women, which were
revolutionary. They were utterly original-at
least, we
thought so. And we were warriors. We declared war on
patriarchy. How bold can one get?
What lessons from then, translate into today's dyke
community?
It's the basic thing that we did at our core: To value women,
love women, and to explore that together with women in
every way. To me, the exciting thing is exploring ways of
being in the world and making it better, especially for
lesbians, but for everyone and every living thing.
Whatwasit liketo beoneof thefirstpeopleto publicly
stand
46
Icurve
upandsay,"I'ma dyke,"andto bethatpublicfaceat a time
whenthereweren'ta lotof otherwomendoingso?
It's funny. People say, "Oh, you were so brave:' I never felt
brave. I always felt perfectly safe. I never ever felt afraid. The
only time I ever felt afraid when I sang my lesbian songs
was the very first time I sang to a lesbian audience, and I
was so afraid and terrified I could hardly breathe. I knew
they'd love this music-I knew it-but it was so intense for
me that I could scarcely catch my breath. And that's when I
first sang most of the songs on Lavender Jane.
Whatchallenges
didyoufacealongtheway?
I was afraid of being gay because "gays"were worse. I was not
ready to take that on. Being a communist was bad enough,
but taking on being a lesbian? Not me. I was homophobic.
I was obnoxious. Really, I tried to talk my dear friend, my
first lesbian friend, Louise Fishman, a wonderful artist-I
tried to talk her into being with men. She would be one of
the few women who could say, "Alix Dobkin tried to talk
me into going straight:' Few women could claim that.
Howdidyouovercome
yourfearofbeing-to usetheterminology
oftheday-a homosexual?
I had done everything I was supposed to. I got married. I
had a baby. I had proven myself Then I became a feminist.
Consciousness-raising made me a feminist and it really
initiated my loyalty to women, and strengthened it, and then
everything that followed reinforced that. It gave me permission
to come out ... it gave me politics, it gave me a context, it gave
me a reason, it gave me an ontologicalreason.
Youcameoutin 1972.Didyoufeela senseoffreedom
afterthat?
Really there are two responses to freedom. One is to
try to control everything. And the other [response)
is creativity. We were creative. It was like a freedom
to be who we were, and it was a creative freedom. It
was totally theoretical, but it was also creative. It was
in our art, it was in our dancing. We danced all the
time. We were just bursting with energy and creativity,
because of being powered up by this intersection of lesbianism
and feminism that happened while we were at the right
place at the right time. So we were being creative ... trying to
live in a way that was righteous, and true to women, honoring
who we were. That's a hugely revolutionary act, and it's no
less revolutionary today.
Canyoutalka littlebitaboutyournewmemoir,
MyRed8/oocf?
When I started this book, I said, "This is a memoir [of)
before I come out. This is not a lesbian book. Well it's a Not the far distant past, but the last couple of years ... I don't
totally lesbian book. But it's not about my being a lesbian.
even say all the things I could. I mean really.
Pleasetakethisopportunity.
Layoneonus.
[The book ends) the moment I come out. That's why people
are [saying), "You're not writing about your lesbianism:'
Maybe some other time, not right now. I've gotten into so
much trouble, really, I'm taking a breather.
Well, I've written about my lesbianism. It's documented in
Whatdoyouenjoymostaboutyourlife?
songs and articles in my song books.
Youwerea controversial
figureandonthe frontlines
for years. I'm so happy my daughter's keeping me in little children.
Doyoustillseeyourself
there?
It's really wonderful." And you know what they say, grandI've kind of withdrawn from the battlefields. For years I haven't children are your reward for not killing our kids. It's worth
done anything controversial that I know 0£ That's in my past.
it. Believe me, it's worth it. Too bad they don't come first. ■
June 2010
I47
OUR
STORES
OUR
LIVES
LGBTBOOKSTORES
FINDA WAY
TOSURVIVE
IN HARDTIMES.
BYKELLIDUNHAM
ith the poor economy, it's not surprising that an
already beleaguered subculture has trouble maintaining its institutions. So when Oscar Wilde
Bookshop-the
country's oldest LGBT bookstore-closed
its doors in 2009, it was the latest
in a sad, but hardly shocking, trend. In 1997, there were
175 feminist bookstores dotting the country, but today only
about 35 are still in business. Yet, despite the miserable
economy and competition from online outlets, some feminist
and LGBT bookstores are managing to stay open, and
each has its secrets to survival.
Giovanni's Room opened its doors to the Philadelphia
LGBT community in 1973. In 1979, the owners of the
building where they were leasing decided Giovanni's Room
was responsible for the gaying of the area and refused to
renew the store's lease. Co-founders Arleen Olshan and Ed
Hermance discovered a building that seemed perfect, but
it was for sale and way out of their price range. They solved
the problem in an unorthodox fashion-by borrowing the
money for the down paymertt from their customers. It was all
paid back, with 10 percent interest, within 10 years.
Converting the new building into a bookstore would
prove a massive undertaking, but again t~e owners found the
help they needed in their community. "Every job was done by
volunteer help, except where people had to be licensed;'
explains Olshan. "We knocked out staircases- and walls, all
with volunteers. We worked like demons:'
Giovanni's Room has been at its current location at the
corner of Pine and 12th Street ever since. Olshan credits
the longevity of the store, at least partially, to avoiding the
variable leasing prices. Perhaps all that sweat equity, put in
by the volunteers during the store's early years, is part of its
success. Philadelphians are fiercely loyal to Giovanni's Room
and when it was announced earlier this year that the 12th
Street wall would have to be redone (a more than $50,000
project) or the store would have to close, there was what can
BOOKS
ANDFOOD:
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only be described as a flurry of community support.
Charis Books & More in Atlanta is similarly intertwined
with the local community. Ask Jamie Ferguson, who has been
involved in local LGBT organizing for over six years, about
Charis and she literally gushes. "Charis is a vital institution.
They build community by hosting events and classes on
issues important to women. In addition to finding an array of
books you can't find on the shelves of any other bookstore in
Atlanta, you can always count on meeting interesting people
at Charis:'
Perhaps part of the secret of Charis' success is its non-profit
arm, Charis Circle. The Circle was created in 1996 to help
fund the programming, community education and outreach
that was already happening at the bookstore. It opened the
door to grant support as well as other funding streams.
The bookstore, located in a purple house in the heart of a
neighborhood known as Little 5 Points, celebrated its 35th
anniversary last year with a huge event in collaboration with
the Atlanta Queer Literary Festival that featured Beverly
Guy-Sheftall, Gloria Steinem, Alice Walker, Pearl Cleage
and the Indigo Girls.
Co-owner Sara Look, Charis' only full-time employee,
has worked at the store for 16 years. Her dedication to
the store is truly a labor of love. "Because we're a feminist
bookstore, we try very hard to be everything to everyone.
We have a multicultural children's section, a psychology and
self-help section and spirituality and sexuality sections. We
specialize in literary fiction and lesbian romances, and there
are actually more of these kind of books out than ever before
because of print-on-demand technology:'
Still, Look wishes they "had more people coming in
the door and sometimes it's hard when were struggling
financially, but at the same time we know that people really
want to come to a physical space. I really believe that they
want to be surrounded by books, to have a little feminist
oasis, to take a little break from whatever else is going on
in their lives:'
Portland, Ore:s In Other Words bookstore has been
in three locations in its decade and a half of existence. In
February of 2006, the bookstore moved to its current
location in northeast Portland, a large space that allows it
to be a community center of sorts. It's good they have the
room, because the community events have been growing
exponentially in the last year. In Other Words hosts the
X-rated open mic, Dirty Queer, which draws an average of
85 attendees each month who are urged to bring their own
c~airs in order to find a seat in the packed house. Then
there's the queer polyamory discussion group, writing
workshops, yoga classes and community meetings.
As the only surviving non-profit womyn's bookstore in the
U.S., one of In Other Words' strengths is the collective's
ability to harness volunteer power. Most months see more
than 50 people donating their time to keep the doors open.
In 2008, the True Colors Bookstore (formerly Amazon
Feminist Bookstore) in Minneapolis came within two weeks
of closing before current owner Ruta Skujins stepped in.
Skujins was able to buy the store by spending down her IRA.
Although she clearly values the history of the store, Skujins
decided to do a few things differently.The old Amazon scaled
back on their lesbian fiction because they were worried
about offending the neighborhood. But Skujins decided
the neighbors could handle it, so now one-third of their
collection is children's books, one-third is LGBT books and
one-third is mainstream literature.
"I love it when the 70-year-old church ladies come in
after Sunday brunch at the restaurant across the street.
They walk past the spinners of lesbian greeting cards,
Lesbian Sex 101, the On Our Backs Guide to Lesbian Sex,
the fisting manual and lesbian relationship books going to
the children's section;' says Skujins. "On their way out they
always compliment me on what a nice store I have:•
Despite the tough financial times, Skujins says shes still
hanging on. "Were not exactly thriving yet, but we are still
here. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let the store close:• ■
BOOKSTORES
CHANGE
LIVES:FIRST,
OUROWN
Althoughbeingthe bossof a queeror feministbookstoresoundsprettysexy
(well,at leastto the nerdsamongus),it requireslonghoursanda borderline
obsession
withthenichemarketof LGBT
publishing.
Weaskedthreebibliophiles
abouttheir experiences
runningan LGBTbookshop.
SaraLook,co-owner,
CharisBooks& More,
Atlanta:
"I graduatedwith a
degreein women's
studiesandcreative
writingwhichdidn't
ArleenOlshan,
copniparemefor much
founder
Giovanni's
of anything,exceptfor
Room,
Philadelphia:
runninga women's
"I gotinvolvedat
bookstore.
I started
theFreeWomen's
full-timeat Charisin
SchoolandtheRadical 1994.At the timethere
Lesbians
becauseI was wasa thrivingfeminist
sohungryfor a sense
bookstorenetwork,
of community.
Atthe
FeministBookstore
timeI wasontheboard News,anda special
of theLGBT
community catalog.Thiswasall
centerandthat'swhere beforethe Internet.I
I metEd[Hermance,
becamea co-owner
co-founder
of Giovanni's in 1998.Thiswasmy
Room].Weputup
personalgoal,because,
$5,000apieceto getthe I tell you,in the '90s
store.Thestorewasmy I wasthe onlyone
devotion
for 1Oyears
amongmyfriendswho
butI still wantedto do
lovedtheirjobs.I still
myart.Asa retiree,I'm
lovemyjob.I getto do
back[fundraising
to
whatI love,to besursavethestore].I didn't
roundedby booksand
knowI signedupfor life. literatureandfeminism
Butwe still needthe
nextgeneration
to comealong."
SueBennett,
cofounderGiftof Athena,
Cleveland
"Myformerpartner
andI weretraveling
aroundthe countryand
we'dalwaysgoto the
localLGBTbookstore.
Ourlaststopwasin
Austin,Texas.Whenwe
hadvisitedourthird
progressive,
alternative,
feministbookstore
of
theday,we thought,
Well,if Austincould
havethree,Cleveland
couldhaveone.Opening
thestorechanged
meculturally-I got
exposed
to writersand
performers
I wouldhave
neverseen.It wasmore
of a community
center
thana retailoutlet."
[KelliDunham]
June 2010
I 49
LESBIAN,
DYKEORQUEER?
LABELING
THESAPPHICALLY-INCLINED
IS TRICKY.
BYSASSAFRAS
LOWREY
here's no denying it, as a community,
we're obsessed with labels. Lesbian,
butch, femme, queer, dyke, bisexual,
gayelle, kiki, aggressive, womanloving-woman, pansexual-the
list
goes on. Even though most of us
are deeply aware of our diversity, we still
make assumptions about how other people
define themselves-whether
it's the woman
at the coffeehouse, who you assume is a lesbian but
is actually bisexual, or that sexy androgynous person
you spot across the bar and mistakenly use female
pronouns to describe. It's even more complicated
when you are putting these labels and identities into
print, as we do every month here at curve. How do
you know if a woman identifies as queer, but
not lesbian? Some folks find "dyke"empowering,
while others think it's derogatory. Of course,
usually the answer is to just ask how a person
identifies. But sometimes it's not that simple.
•Recently, the topic of labels came up among
the Curvettes, specifically regarding the word
lesbian, after we noticed an increasing number
of women who only dated (or were married to)
other women asked us to not label them lesbian. Several
days, dozens of emaJ.ls and one lively debate later, the
idea for this article was born. I got the assignment in
part because I don't identify as a lesbian. Well, it's a little
more complicated than that. I usedto be a lesbian.
Lesbian was a really important identity for me. I
came out at 17, and, at the time, it was the first word
I found that encompassed my desires, and the community
I hoped to become a part.0£ But it's not a term I use to selfidentify anymore. Mostly, now, I say that I'm queer, or, more
T
specifically,genderqueer. I see gender in my own life as
being much more than a male-female binary, and for
me gender and sexuality comingle instead of being
separate. So, lesbian isn't a term that really works for
me anymore, yet I still feel like that community is my
home. It's complicated, but I'm not alone.
Even at a lesbian magazine, the word lesbian can be
contentious. Many writers asked if it was still the most
appropriate word to describe the diverse
readership of curve. Editor in chief Diane
Anderson-Minshall stood by the use of the
term: "I think it's important for everyone
to remember we were the first non-erotic
magazine to put the word lesbian on the
cover,and that legacy has meant an extremely
strong identification between our readers and
the word lesbian. (Even so, Anderson-Minshall,
a Queer Nation activist in the '80s when young
women eschewed the L-word, usually calls
herself queer.)
But lesbian doesn't resonate with every reader.
Ami,* a high school student, adamantly disliked
the term, because to her it was so deeply connected
with a homophobic.society that existed at
her school and in her community. "When
I came out I really did not like to refer
to myself as a lesbian. Instead, I went by
queer, dyke or gay because those were
words I liked so much better .. I thought
about why I didn't like the word lesbian
and I realized that I heard it as a derogatory term. When I was growing up, the only time I would here
the word spoken aloud was on the TV or the radio-and it
would be in a joke. As a child, it simply translated as something embarrassing:'
Like Ami, Lee Davis, a young Mississippi woman, has
spent a lot of time thinking about how to best describe her
San FranciscoPride is in good hands this year
sexuality, and struggled with the term lesbian: "It's become
with bisexualauthor and activistAmy Andre at
something that I almost want to say isn't taken seriously
the helm.Andre'sexperienceas a lifelong
enough. I don't want to be a catchphrase:•
LGBTadvocateis wide ranging-she's
Words have important histories (or herstories) within
a former Point Scholar,the author of
our community, and they also have deep personal meanings
BisexualHealth and the directorof
to individuals. Jessica Pabon, a PhD student at New York
the film En Mi Piel, about a biracial
University who uses dyke to define her "political sexuality;'
transgenderman. (Plus,she used
spoke candidly about how there are times where preferred
to write for curve.) SF Prideturns
identity terminology can't be translated in the rest of her life.
"Forty and Fabulous"this year and
"Dyke has a political edge that lesbian does not have but I'm
Andre describesher new job as
not going to go home to my Puerto Rican family and describe
"amazing,exhilaratingand extremely myself as a dyke, that would make me invisible. They get
humbling."Read our interviewwith
lesbian, and that's pushing it:'
Andre at curvemag.com
The identity labels we feel most at ease with also shift
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Twentyyearsago,justputtingtheL-wordonthecoverof a magazine
was •··
a revolutionary
act.Infact,whenwe launched
oursubtitlewassimply,"A
, •
Lesbian
Magazine."
Todayit's thrillingto bedebating
howverymanywords
describe
ourcommunity
which,in thelasttwodecades,
hasonlygrownmorediverse.
over time,. as our identities evolve or our
communities shift. Dani Griffin, from
Wicklow, Ireland, self-identifies as a gay
lady, because it implies sophistication and
elegance. She says her own perspectives
on gender and sexuality shifted as she
developed a community outside her village.
"I come from a small Irish Catholic village and
to me queer was an obscure shape or idea.
Now it's... an important word I use to describe
my community and myself with pride:•
However, as Griffin has learned, sometimes embracing new identities can be
complicated. "People, even in our community,
are too scared to move with the times and
update themselves and their knowledge for
fear of ridicule or judgment. Not everyone in
Ireland is ready for all the big
and scary words we choose to
use in our little queer world:'
Generational differences
came up a lot when
discussing the factors that
contribute to the evolution of
labels within our community.
The general assumption was
that the younger the woman,
more likely she is to use words like
queer and dyke to self-identify, as
opposed to a more traditional term
like "lesbian:' Yet young women aren't
::::rjust bucking tradition for the sake of
~ it. "Our elders cleared the path
~!!::. for us;' says curve contributor
~ Stacy Bias."We're able to engage
~ with that dynamic in a healthy,
: empowered fashion versus a
~ mindless habit. In some ways, I
...J
~ think this generation's eschewing
~ of the labels ... is just the cultural
evolution of escaping shame
~ around sexuality as a spectrum. Not accepting
~ a label also means not accepting its baggage
w
~ or its expectations;' Though non-lesbiano.
~ identified women may have good reasons for
~
ditching the L-word, for some older women
Cl)
~ the change isn't all that welcome. 'Tm 50.
!
In my generation, women were objecting to
the word woman and demanding ... [it] be
spelled w-o-m-y-n. Personally, I don't find that
reclaiming words like queer ... is helpful. I am
Mexican and I don't think being called a beaner
is cool. No word that carries a historically
deprecating energy should be reclaimed;' says
contributor Flora Sussely.
Curve blogger Beren deMotier adds: ''I've
come across a lot of young teen .girls lately
who identify as bi or open minded who in
our day would have felt they had to play for
one team or the other. They are our future,
and they are a powerful, positive bunch who
have... benefited from our fight for identity:'
As a community, we can't agree who's the
•hottest actor on TheL Word, so it's no wonder
we can't agree on something as
personal and emotionally charged as
identity labels. The one thing that we
probably can agree about is that we'll
never reach a consensus as to what
the "best" term is io define ourselves.
Perhaps the most we can hope for is
to have a community that
respects each of our differences, our uniqueness and
our identity label of choice
while recognizing the power
that labels have not only on
a personal level, but also
globally.
When asked about the
power of labels, Pabon
summed things up by saying,
"Terminology is more than ever .
a double-edged sword. Like
one of those spiky gladiator
weapons, it can cut you ... but you
can also wield it to clear some
space for yourself Because we are
programmed to give weight and importance to
terms, categories and hierarchies. We can't just
say, Hey, terminology sucks, lets stop using it.
That's not practical. But we can be conscious of
its power to harm and its power to heal:' ■
* Last name withheld by her request.
:i::
FunShopping
with Friends
•l/·
_:(_
X
Re~iews: real opinions
from real people
,,r,
Connect to toy
makers: Edenlink
~,-
Sexis magazine:
discover your own is
Fun to follow:
EdenCafe blog
Get personal:
interviews
.4t!!J Speak up:
JII
!orums and polls
www.edenfantasys.com
(800) 350-9050 Mon-Fr 8 am-4 pm ET
II
•
e•
II
•
e•
RACHAEL
SAGE
STREET
DELANCEY
,
The new album from
3-Time OUTMusic
Award Winner
lt
'
'i'
h'l,)
RACHAEL SAGE'
NEW ALBUM
ON ITUNES,
IN STORES
& ON TOUR!
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::>
z
Thereareplentyof funLGBT
eventsthissummer.
InSanFrancisco,.. -~checkouttheQueerWomen
of ColorFilmFest,FreshMeatFestival
andQueer
Arts.Othermust-sees
areNYC's
NewFest,
LosAngeles'
I..
OutfestandL.A.BlackPrideandevenKentuckian
PrideFestival
in
,u
Louisville.
Fora roundupof hotdatesvisitcurvemag.com.
I
...••
•••
""
mcloci1cnlly beautiful &
lyncally po1911a11r VENUS
WWW. RACHAELSAGE.COM
WWW
.MPRESSRECORDS.COM
June 2010
I51
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~
~
~
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
1/✓
~
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~
1. DO-IT-HERSELF
KIT.The
135-piece Apollo Precision
Toolkit is a handy dandy
girly pink toolkit that comes
with everything you'll need
around the house-sans
the hot dyke to do the work.
If pink tools are too femme,
get the Craftsman 68 Piece
General Purpose Tool set
(Dipstick swears by it). It
also doesn't hurt to have a
sexy tool belt to carry it all.
($45, apollotools.com; $150,
sears.com)
2. THEWHOLE
LESBIAN
SEX
BOOK.
We both keep this
book on our bookshelves
because we get a lot of juicy
questions and author Felice
Newman knows her sex.
Even for self-proclaimed
players, there's always
something new you can
learn. ($25, cleispress.com)
1/✓
1/✓
4. BICYCLE.
Whether you use
the bike for recreation or
for transportation, a bicycle
is a/most the most fun
thing you can put between
your legs.
5. MAGIC
WAND.
We think the
Magic Wand is the second
most fun thing you can put
between your legs. If you
don't have one of these
under your bed, get one right
away. ($54, babe/and.com)
6. GYMMEMBERSHIP.
The
gym is not only a great
place to work out and get
inspired, but it's also a great
place to meet chicks. Being
healthy is cool.
7. VALID
PASSPORT.
Be
ready to bolt the next
time those cheap tickets
to the Caribbean become
available. With all the
airline competition and
hotels vying for your
money, deals are a dime
a dozen.
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
%
3. RETIREMENT
PLAN.
We're
~
52
~
~
~
early to start saving for the
future. Not sure where to
start? Find a financial
advisor you can trust or
check out Orman's book
Women and Money.
not Suze Orman, but we
listen to her. We pay off
our credit cards before we
buy luxury items and we
know that it's never too
Icurve
THINGS
EVERY
LESBIAN
SHOULD
OWN
YOUHAVETHEINCLINATION.
NOW
ALLYOUNEEDARETHETOOLS
OF
THETRADE.
Likethe GirlScouts,lesbiansalwaysneedto
be prepared-preparedto rumble,prepared
to play,preparedto get our grooveon or get
her off. So,our advicegurusLipstickand
Dipstickhavesearchedfar andwide for the
20 essentialseverylesbianshouldown.
It's the perfect way to
please you both. ($5,
womynsware.com)
17.LEATHER
JACKET.
8. KILLER
HUMMUS
RECIPE.
Hummus is a staple at
lesbian parties, so know
your chickpeas and be a
hit with a great recipe in
your back pocket. Balsamic
hummus? A garlic twist with
Cholula hot sauce? Spend
some time perfecting your
mashed masterpiece.
9. QUALITY
LUBE.
A musthave for lesbians, no matter
what you're into in the
bedroom. Use Pink Silicone
Lubricant for your dildosas long as they're not made
of silicone or you put a
condom on it-and you'll
be able to go all night. For
oral sex try the ID Juicy
Lube sampler, with luscious
flavors like tangerine
mint and watermelon. For
self-loving, try Sliquid, a
water-based, organic lube
for women. ($10 and up,
cheaplube.com)
10.CAT.
Every lesbian needs
to have a cat in her lifetime
(it's in the Dyke Rule Book).
Animals are there for us
during bad breakups, bad
days, when we just want
to lay on the couch all day
eating potato chips or even
when we want to dance
6 around the living room in
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12.WHITEBUTTON
DOWN
SHIRT.
This is a staple of any
lezzie wardrobe. You can
wear it to work, the bar, tied
at the waist, with a pair of
jeans and cowboy boots to
a Lucinda Williams concert
or under your favorite
holiday sweater. Also, you
never know when the next
White Party is going to
happen.
13.MELISSA
ETHERIDGE
ALBUM.
All lesbians should
own at least one Melissa
Etheridge album. Lipstick's
top pick: Your Little Secret.
While Dipstick's is the
Greatest Hits album, which
is perfect for road trips with
your lover girl. ($12 and up,
ladyslipper.com)
14.DUCT
TAPE.Nothing
says MaeG~11er
MuffDiver
like duct tape. There are
so many practical uses:
Shorten a hem, fix a tail
light, write a note on the
sidewalk outside your
lover's house or make a
cool dykey wallet. We both
keep a roll on hand for
those moments when only
duct tape will do the trick.
It comes in assorted colors
now, too.
11.BLACK
BOOTS.
Nothing
boosts your self-esteem
like walking around in
shoes that make you feel
like you could take on the
world. Butch it up with a
pair of unisex Fluevogs, get
sexy with Franco Sarto's
Phantoms or go retro with
newly reissued Dr. Marten's
Vintage 1460 boot, a direct
15.MUSICAL
INSTRUMENT.
It doesn't matter what it
is-guitar, harmonica, small
drum -just have something around to pull out
and jam with. The ladies
love a dyke with rhythm.
16. THECOUPLER.
Made
of recycled rubber, this
will be the best $5 you
have ever spent. The
strap converts two single
dildos into a double dong.
Whether it's fitted and
sexy like Lipstick's
or bomber style like
Dip's, this is one
fashion accessory every
dyke needs. If you're a
vegan, get faux leather
from Vegan Essentials.
Whether you're riding
in Dykes on Bikes or an
evening with a date, a
leather jacket is the perfect
outerwear.
18.SOFTBALL
GLOVE.
You're
a lesbian after all, so you
must have a glove around
the house. The girls might
want to pull together a
spontaneous game on the
beach at P-town or while
you're waiting for dinner
on T-Day. Heck, with your
lezzie chops, you may be
asked to short-stop for the
company team. So have a
glove ready and know how
to throw a ball.
the environment and our
health. Do everyone a favor
and get a Sigg. We like the
"Green is the New Black"
design. ($25, sigg.com)
20.BEEBO
BRINKER.
Okay,
you probably can't afford
an original 1962 edition,
but you should own one of
the reprints to this classic
lesbian pulp novel. You can
even get it on your Kindle
($9, amazon.com) ■
NOTHING
SAYS
MAGGYVER
MUFfDIVER
LIKE
DUCT
TAPE
19.STAINLESS
STEEL
OR
ALUMINUM
WATER
BOTTLE.
Some
places are banning plastic
water bottles,
and with good
reason. Plastic
is ruining
SHOWSOMEPRIDEWITHYOURRIDE
Just when you thought a dyke on a bike couldn't get any hotter-it
does. Republic Bike, a Florida-based online custom bike shop,
allows you to personalize your ride with all shades of the rainbow.
Offering customization right down to the cranks, it's easy to spend
an afternoon clicking through frames, grip colors and hub speeds
on the user-friendly website. If creative customization just isn't your
thing, the company also offers
a list of pre-designed "popular
builds," which provides direction
for the indecisive. At $399,
you'll be hard-pressed to find a
personalized bike any cheaper.
So accent your sexy red rims
with a crisp white chain just in
time to cruise down to Pride,
where all the ladies will want
to swing a leg over your frame.
(RachelCullen]
June 2010
I 53
REVIEWSMusic Watch
Heartbreakin Heartthrobs
Artists who will raise your pulse. By Margaret Coble
TheRunaways
Original
MotionPictureSoundtrack,
VariousArtists(Atlantic):
Withits rallyingrockand
punkattitudes,TheRunaways
Soundtrack'has
theeffect
of effortlessly
bringingyou
backto theanthemsof your
youth.Thememorable
tracks
fromtheSexPistols,David
Bowie,JoanJettandSuzi
Quatroreflecta visceral
passionfor the musicof the
era.Thediscalsofeatures
surprisingly
skillfulRunaways
coversperformed
by Kristen
StewartandDakotaFanning,
including"CherryBomb,"
oneof the band'smosticonic
Though their musical styles are very different, punk
andrecognizable
hits.Both
rockers The Shondes, folkie Chris Pureka and rock
Fanning
andStewart,whoare
upstarts Hunter Valentine are indie queers who are
aroundthesameageastheir
heartthrobs out to steal your heart with their loveon-screen
counterparts,
add
authenticity
in channeling
the
sick lyrics.
emotions
of.thesepioneering
teenagegirlsastheyraged My DearOne,TheShondes
(Fanatic):
Brooklyn-based
againstthestatusquoin the
queer band, The Shondes document the survival
1970s.(atlanticrecords.com)
[Stephanie
Vernier] of their own heartbreak on this sophom_ore album
release. Following their successful 2008 debut The Red
Sea and ensuing national tour, the band suffered the
professional and personal loss of their guitarist, friend
and lead singer /bassist Louisa Rachel Solomon's
partner, Ian Brannigan, who unexpectedly departed
the tour in Miami. For the next year, the three
remaining band mates-Solomon, drummer Temim
Fruchter, and violinist Elijah Oberman-crafted
this
intensely personal set of songs that might seem out of
character for a group known largely for their riot grrrl
sound, political activism and Jewish identity, but which
beautifully and defiantly captures the anger, sadness
and betrayal they felt. "Miami" is a raging ode to the
scene of the break-up, "You Ought To Be Ashamed"
is •a bitter call-out venting disappointment, and
54
Icurve
"Nothing Glows" dwells in that post-breakup malaise
we all know so well, while "Make It Beautiful" hopes to
make something positive out of the darkness. I'd say
the quartet-now including new guitarist Fureighsucceeded in doingjust that. (shondes.com)
HowI LearnedToSeeIn TheDark,ChrisPureka(Sad
Rabbit):The New England genderqueer singeMongwriter displays a maturation in her sound on this
brooding new disc. Collaborating with longtime
friend Merril Garbus as co-producer, the 12-track
set has a textural depth and abstract feel not
apparent on her two earlier acoustic folk efforts,
though it mines much of the same lyrical territory
of sadness, loss and love. The result is compelling
and complements her trademark rugged vocals and
dexterous guitar work. The opening, epic "Wrecking
Ball" evokes Neil Young in its twangy Americana
flavor, passionate guitar strumming and slight vocal
quiver, while "Landlocked" shows off Pureka's
classic fingerpicking in tandem with friend Lyndell
Montgomery's expressive fiddle and Andy Rice's
dirge-like upright bass. Meanwhile, "Broken Clock"
is a hard-hitting, heavily layered heartbreaker that
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somehow manages to be triumphant despite
its angst. Heartache never sounded so good.
(chrispureka.com)
~
~
~
Lessons
FromTheLateNight,HunterValentine
(Tommy
Boy}:Hailing from Toronto but now
based in Brooklyn; this spunky out-dyke trio
comes from the Joan Jett school of rock 'ri roll:
fast, furious and definitely DIY. Lead singer/
guitarist Kiyomi McCloskey's vocal delivery
is a raspy blend of screaming, singing and
shrieking that complements her agile guitar
shredding. While drummer Laura Petracca
and bassist Adrienne Lloyd hold down the
heavy-hitting rhythms. On this latest sevencut EP, the romantic rockers wear their hearts
on their sleeves, exploring the darker sides of
love and relationships. 'The Stalker" opens
with a slightly creepy vibe ("I snuck into your
room/I put on all your clothes/I put your
favorite records on/ And pretended I was
you") b~t the bouncy "Revenge" quickly takes
a more menacing turn, spinning an angry
tale of betrayal ("Revenge, it airit a sweet
thing"). "Treadmills Of Love" goes a similar
route, chronicling the ups and downs postbreakup. Bet you'll be hearing a lot more about
these gals real soon. (huntervalentine.com)
■
Q+A
Emilie Autumn
Last year was a big one for Chicagobased singer, violinist and performance
artist Emilie Autumn. After spending the
past few years working with musicians
like Courtney Love, Nigel Kennedy and
Dethklok, Autumn released a deluxe
edition of her 2006 solo album, Opheliac,
in the U.S. She also capped the year off by
releasing her autobiography, The Asylumfor
Wayward VictorianGirls,in December. Far
from a typical rock'ri roll tome, The Asylum
takes readers into just that-a psych ward
where Autumn spent time being treated for
bipolar disorder.
Whydidyoudecideto re-releaseOpheliac?
It was about bringing what was originally
a European release to fans in other
parts of the world at a reasonable price.
Adding all of the new tracks and videos
onto the second disc was really just a way
to say thank you to all of the fans. The
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WhatWeLosein the
FireWeGaini~ theRood
TheMynabirds
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Meldinggospel,
discoverandlaunch
Motown,'60s rock
thecareers
of "the
world'sonlyconjoined- andcontemporary
twin singer-songwriter garageintoa soulful,
movingstew,Laura
duo"but punkBurhennturnedthe
cabareticonoclast
dissolutionof her
andDresden
Dolls
alumAmandaPalmer? formerband(D.C.duo
GeorgieJames)intoa
Partcircusact,part
film noirsoundtrack beautifulnewbeginning.Thelyricsof the
andpartbizarre
title trackgiveme
performance
art,this
while
diverse12-songset is goosebumps,
strangelycompelling- "Letthe RecordGo"
anda littledisturbing. getsmeupon myfeet.
(themynabirds.
com)
(evelynevelyn.
com)
1
new tracks
include live
and alternate
versions of
some of my
best known
songs, as
well as my favorite addition-a
version of
the song "Gloomy Sunday;' which hails from
back in the 1920s and is considered to be the
original suicide song.
Whatdoyouwantpeopleto knowaboutbipolar
disorder?
That it is genetically inherited, not something
you develop or succumb to, and certainly not
something that celebrities should be called
every time they shave their heads or get out of
a limo without underpants. Secondly, bipolar
disorder is often considered a terminal illness
within the medical community, because three
out of four people suffering from it will jump
out a window ... just to get away from the pain
of living with this condition. Therefore, this
innate tendency for self-destruction ought to
be met with a bit more compassion.
Youidentityasasexual,
butyouhaverelationshipswithmenandwomen.Howdoyoudefine
beingasexual?
The reality of the situation is that while I
enjoy being alone for long periods of_time, I
do in fact have relationships-but
these are
based on far more than just sex drive. And it
is true that I don t have an especial preference
for boys or girls, though, between the two, I
can say that I'm much more into the lady love,
as you can probably tell by my live show.
In thepressreleasefor Opheliac,
you'requoted
as saying,"I wantto promote
absolute
freedom
andfearlessness."
Canyouexpandonthat?
I grew up being abused and terrified, with no
knowledge of how to protect mysel£ and I'm
far from the only one. In a country where rape
is more frequent than [fatal) car accidents and
equal pay for equal work is still not a reality,
we are most certainly not free, and we don't
have the luxury of being fearless.
This has to change. But we can't just sit
and wait for our freedom and our right to live
without fear to be handed to us by anyone.
We need to demand it, and we need to be
prepared to fight.
We need to get scary. [DaveSteinfeld]
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Shatterin the Glass
Hammer! and understanding the queer child. By Rachel Pepper
TheFatStudiesReader,
Eds.EstherRothblum
and
SondraSolovay
(NYUPress)
Withheadlines
touting
anobesityepidemic
and
anever-evolving
doorof
Hollywood
hottieswhoare
seemingly
neverthinenough,
thespecterof thefat girlis
everywhere.Fordecades,a
growingcadreof academics
havebeenexamining
the
roleof bodyweightandtheir
workis collected
hereinthis
amazing,
multidisciplinary A look at the feminist filmmaking pioneer Barbara
tomeonfat studies.Evenfor
Hammer and a book of theory about conceptualizing
a non-academic
reader,
this
the queer child that will forever change the way you
bookis accessible,
aswellas
view children's books.
incredibly
queer.
There'splenty
of weightyness
in thefat
studiesdiaspora,
withwriters Hammer!MakingMoviesOutof SexandLife,Barbara
Press):Hammer! is the first book
tacklingfatnessandmother Hammer(Feminist
blame,theintersections
of
written by experimental filmmaker B~rbara Hammer.
transgender
andfat law,fat
A fundamental figure in 1970s lesbian feminism,
opression
asa formofvalence Hammer continues to both produce films and teach
againstwomen,and,most
film studies. In her long career, she has been
chllingly,
thefat geneand
responsible fqr many cinematic firsts. These include
thegaygeneasa factorin
thenewconsumer
eugenics the first screened film to include lesbian lovemaking
movement.
Theessaysrarely shot by an actual lesbian in 1974's Dyketactics, and
comeacrossas didactic,and the first time older lesbians were portrayed sexually
themilestone
achievement on film in 1992's Nitrate Kisses.In the span of 40 years,
ofthiscollection
istheway
Hammer has made more than 60 films and videos,
it combines
publicpolicy including shorts about menstruation and orgasm,
andchicklit,eroto-politics
and a recent brief documentary about women on
andgaychubbychasers,
job
discrimination
andlesbian the island of Jeju-do, South Korea, who have a long
sizequeens.
Factoids
may tradition of diving to reach fishing grounds without
a breathing apparatus. Although her work has not
notstickwithyoubutthe
realhistorical,
sociocultural been commercial enough to ensure widespread
implications
of the bigbody success or financial gain, Hammer is a monumental
will.(nyupress.org)
[DAM] figure in experimental film.This book collects essaysshe
has written for film journals and feminist publications
like Heresies and Sinister Wisdom, and personal
56
Icurve
narratives produced before the age of blogging or
even before the Internet could make them widely
available. Hammer is self-reflective, ironic, joyful
and funny, capturing the eras she lived through as a
feminist artist in pieces such as "Lesbian Filmmaking:
Self-Birthing,""Conference Sex (or the Names Have
Not Been Changed as There Are No Innocents)" and
"Lesbian Mainstream: Economics vs. Radical Play:'
Chapters are divided up by decade, with headings
like "The '70s were a glorious time of feminist ideals
and lesbian bed-hopping:' For anyone intimidated
by Hammer's sometimes inaccessible narrative style
on the screen, it should be noted that the book is
infinitely more easy to read than some of her films
are to watch, and also contains numerous film stills
that add much to the historical value of the text.
This year, in support of the book's release, Hammer
is doing a U.S. tour through many major cities,
and retrospective screenings, including live talks by
Hammer at New York's Museum of Modern Art and
the Tate Modern in London. Kudos to editor Amy
Scholder and the Feminist Press for recognizing the
need for this book, and for producing it so artfully.
(Jeministpress.org)
TheQueerChild,or Growing
Sideways
in the Twentieth
Century,KathrynBond Stockton(Duke University
Press): Kathryn Bond Stockton's new book of .
theory, The Queer Child, or Growing Sideways in
the Twentieth Century, opens with the line "If you
scratch a child you will find a queer, in the sense
of someone 'gay' or just plain strange:' This
strangeness, Stockton argues, is in every child, and
children who are "thoroughly, shockingly queer," are
mostly constructs of memory by adults, and serve
multiple purposes in literature and in films as diverse
as Hoop Dreams, Lolita, The Hanging Garden and
Six Degrees of Separation. Such children, Stockton
writes, are often the "child queered by innocence,
children queered by color, the child queered by
Freud, and the grown 'homosexual; typified by
'arrested development' and often rendered as a
child (or animal):' Stockton believes that children
52'
don't always grow "up," but rather, sideways. That ~
0
the idea of "delay" is prevalent in such work; that ~
society is so scared of the children they claim to ~
protect (even while making children "non-persons" ~
in these protections) that we fear children may ~
Q+A
Audrey Beth Stein
HowdidMapcomeabout?
My intent at the beginning was to tell the
story of my relationship with Catrina.
Nowadays, meeting someone on the
Internet is practically the norm ... but back
in 1996 and 1997, when the events of Map
take place, it was very different. I was rather
surprised when these feelingsstarted arising for
someone Ia at that point only communicated
with by email. The first draft was mostly a
series of emails Ia sent to friends while it was
going on, and eventually the story got larger,
and became Map.
Is it alsoyourcoming
outstory?
and ... they really help place the
It's a different sort of coming out
book as a historical memoir of
than what's often portrayed. You
a pretty unique time period in
have a person who's very sure of
queer history. It was the year
that Ellen DeGeneres came out. We didn't
herself in many ways, and she has this one
have same,sex marriage or The L Word, but
piece that's a bit of a mystery to her. And the
we could find a like,minded community
idea of announcing something like 'Tm gay"
is much less frightening to her than admitting
and films like Go Fish and songs like Ani
'Tm not sure:'
DiFranco's "In or Out" that spoke to our
Howclosely
doesthebookfollowwhathappened experience in different ways.
Howdidyoucapturesuchrealismin your
in reallife?
conversations
aroundbisexuality?
To the extent that any memoir is true. At a
I felt like those conversations were huge
certain point your memory fails. You can't
remember exact conversations. You forget
at the time, for all my queer friends, but
what someone was wearing or whether this
in particular for those of us who didn't fit
event came before that. Overall, I tried to stay solidly at one end of the Kinsey Scale. And
true to the records I had, and to my memory,
I wanted readers ... to know that it was OK
as well as to the emotional truth.
to have these sorts of questions-whether
I lovedthatthereweresomany'90spopculture they identified with the characters or not.
references
inthebook.
Because, for me, the hardest part of coming
It was fun to use so many of those cultural
out was just not having clarity for myself.
markers. They naturally fit into the narrative
[SheelaLambert]
"disappear;' even as the idea of the gay
child fully emerges. And that money, as
much as sex, makes children vulnerable,
even potentially dangerous. Stockton also
points out the irony that in contemporary
studies of children, which include gay
children, it's very apparent "that no one
believes more firmly in 'gay' children
than do other children-most
especially
children of a prejudicial sort, who 'out' any
children they believe are acting strangely
or any boy or girl whom they happen
to dislike:' Most of this book, which is
weird, poetic and gripping (and despite
its tide has nothing to do with raising
children), is a bit oblique and theoretical,
geared mainly to an academic audience.
But some sections, like an examination
of the strangely disturbing film remake of
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory released
in 2005, will be accessibleto anyone. Indeed,
after reading Stockton's analysis of the
"sideways"elevator ride that Willy Wonka
and Charlie take after shooting out of the
glass roof of the chocolate factory, you may
never look at any of your favorite childhood
stories the same way again. (dukepress.edu)■
Surviving
Againstthe
SheLooksJust
Industry
LikeYou:
A Memoir Odds:Village
of (Nonbiological in Indonesia
Lesbian)
MotherhoodS.AnnDunham
Press}
AmieKlempnauer
Miller (DukeUniversity
(Beacon
Press)
Published
14years
afterherdeath,this
Motherhood
canbe
studychronicles
the
scaryfor anyone,
research
thatPresident
butwhenit comes
Obama's
mother
to lesbian,nonbiowhileliving
logicalmoms-to-be,
. conducted
in a Javanese
village,
therewasno real
andgivesus a glimpse
guidebook-until
now.Millertalksabout intothe incredible
woman'slife. Her
the excitements
and
of the life
difficultiesthat come examination
frombeingthe lesbian of the ruralartisans
of Javais filledwith
partnerwhodoesn't
givebirth.(beacon.org)warmthandinsight.
(dukeupress.edu)
[LG]
[LisaGunther]
Nominated for a Lambda Literary Award,
Audrey Beth Stein's memoir Map is an
addictive tale about unexpectedly falling
in love with another girl. A late,blooming,
sexually confused college senior, Audrey
was looking for love-but in an era before
online personals were ubiquitous, she never
expected romance to arrive via email.
z
~
a:
~
[fl
~
~
Attractions
oftheHeart LuvYaBunches
CheriCrystal
LaurenMyracle
(loveyoudivine)
(AmuletBooks)
Inthisanthology
of
eroticshortstories,
eachopenswitha
preview:"If givena
dareto jointheMile
HighClub,wouldyou
takeit?" It's a safebet
to assumethatthese
characters
will take
thedare.Thestories
aresweet,sexyand
quick,muchlikethe
interactions
between
the characters
in
thiscollection.
(loveyoudivine.
com)
[Stephanie
Vernier]
A taleof fourdiverse
girls(onehaslesbian
parents)
whounite
to bringdownthe
popularmeangirt In
theprocess,
thegirls
discover
friendsfor life.
Thischarming
story
became
thecenterof
a controversy
when
Scholastic
Booksdidn't
includeit in theirbook
fairsbecause
the
authorrefusedto omit
thesame-sex
couple.
(abramsbooks.
com)
[Sarah
c.Jimenez]
June 2010
I57
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
icalDocs
Two films tackle politics and the military. By Candace Moore
TheCinemaPride
Collection
(Fox/MGM):
LGBT
Prideis celebrating
its 40th
anniversary
thisyear,andnow
thatI'vebeento overhalfof
thoseannualcelebrations
of
humanrightsandbuttless
chaps-someyearsI hit 15
regionalPridefestivalsin a
threemonthspan-I'd like
to spendtheweekendin
bed,watchinga reelof gay
andtransfilms.Enter,The
Cinema
PrideCollection,
the
veryfirstgay-themed
film DVD
collection
froma majormotion
picturestudio,whichgoes
onsaleJune8 onAmazon.
What'smostinteresting
about
thecollection
is itsinclusion
of someindiefaves(My
Beautiful
Laundrette),
lesbian
classics(TheChildren's
Hour),
gayclassics(Bent,LaCage
AuxFoiles),
modernlesbian
ram-corns
(Kissing
Jessica
Stein,ImagineMe& You),
a transclassic(BoysDon't
Cry),dragextravaganza
(Adventures
of Priscilla,
Queen
of theDesert)
andtwo
bigbudgetgayflicks(The
Birdcage,
TheObjectof My
Affection).
Between
the 10
filmsthereareat leastseven
Oscar-winning
performers,
including
AudreyHepburn
and
ShirleyMaclainefromthe
littleseenChildren's
Hour.
Thebonuses
andextrasalone
will keepyouentertained
for
hours.At$45,it's definitely
worththeinvestment.
(amazon.com)
[DAM]
58
Icurve
TV of late has become a screening ground for
relevant and smart documentaries on queer subjects.
Ask Not appeared as part of PBS' Independent Lens
series and Outrageran recently on HBO. Both films,
now available on DVD, tackle issues ripped from the
headlines-gays and lesbians in the military and the
hypocrisy of closeted, anti-gay politiciansj respectively.
Ask Not (Persistent\fisions):Seventeen years after
Clinton reneged on promises to LGBT voters and
signed the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy into law, the
Senate is awash with debates on a bill that would end
discrimination against military personnel based on
sexual orientation. Nominated for a 2010 GLAAD
Media Award for Outstanding Documentary, Johnny
Symons' powerful piece studies why a change of heart
and policy may be in the works. Discharging gay
and lesbian soldiers-especially highly-trained and
qualified ones-puts the U.S. at risk during a time
when the military is too understaffed to deal with
its current conflicts. Symons portrays the lives of
young people who regularly put their careers and
bodies on the line-such as the soldier from San
Francisco who returns to the closet to dispatch to
war with his unit and the college-aged protesters
who demand to be enlisted, risking arrest by staging
sit-ins at recruitment centers. Symons' camera also
follows a group of discharged soldiers (including a
former admiral),. who speak at military bases and
civilian venues about their own experiences and the
security failures (Sept. 11 potentially being one). For
those of us who question militarism and don't believe
queers should die for a country that systemically
excludes them, this documentary asks us to consider
the points of view of individuals who feel compelled
to fight for their country and their right to do so.
(persistent-visions.com)
Outrage(MagnoliaPictures):
Many card-carrying members
of the GOP, it seems, are
secretly"in the family" (as they
used to say). Roy Ashburn,
the California State Senator
recently arrested for driving
under the influence while
leaving a gay nightclub with
a male companion, is just the latest example. Veteran
director Kirby Dick (Sick, Derrida) investigates the ~
spate of conservative republicans alleged (or proven) {
to have had same-sex affairs while waging anti- g
LGBT rights wars through their voting choices
(which are charted evocatively for-the viewer). The ~
film recounts numerous scandals: Idaho's staunchly ~o
i
Q+A
Jane Campion
The film industry is notorious for being
a boy's club. In the 82 year history of the
Academy Awards only four women have
been nominated in the best director category.
Jane Campion, who blew audiences and critics
alike away with her 1993 film The Piano
is one of those women. In a recent round
table to promote her latest film, Bright Star,
a film about the final romance of poet John
Keats, which won the Palme d'Or-one of
the highest honors given at the Cannes Film
Festival-Champion spoke candidly about
feminism, bringing home the Oscar and the
state of women in film today.
Whatwastheinspiration
forwritingthisfilm?
I fell in love with the love story. It really
affected me profoundly. I liked that it
was a story that talked about the little
complications of two people getting close
and committing, and then of course what
shocked you is the tragedy.
homophobic former Senator Larry Craig
caught soliciting sex in a men's room,
men attesting to having had sexual
affairs with Florida's fiercely anti-gay
marriage Governor Charlie Crist and the
outings of right-wing politicians Terry
Dolan, David Dreier, Jim McCrery and
Ed Koch. Interviews with journalists
engaged in outing-as-activism, openly
gay politicians such as Barney Frank and
former lovers of closeted policy-makers
highlight the hypocrisy and community
6
§ betrayal involved in presenting a public
~ face so completely divorced from one's
:J
~ private life. (magpictures.com)■
0
co
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~
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3:
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(.)
ci
~
I sawan interview
in whichyousaidyoucan't
bea womanwithoutbeinga feminist.Canyou
elaborate
onthat?
I think people may be mistaken by what
feminist means-it means something
different, to different people, but to me it
means equality and it's really kind of hard to
wonder how anyone couldn't want that.
In BrightStar,thecharacter
Frannyis nota
weakperson,
butshe'syoungandsilly.How
didyouturnherintoan inspiring
figure?
I loved that she was outspoken. I think it
was a great quality, and my daughter got
it to some extent-where [the characters]
just speak and you know who they are. You
might not appreciate everything they say,
but they are not hidden.
Whatdoyouthinkthefutureholdsforwomen
in film?
I love my work. It's [a] joy to make things
as beautiful as I can. I think that's the
way it's going to work for women-just
Horror
in theWind
(Ariztical
Entertainment)
Person
ofInterest
(Ariztical
Entertainment)
lesbian
Inthiscampycomedy, A suspenseful
on
anextremely
conserv- dramacentering
women
ativeU.S.president's threemissing
ina smallNewEngland
planto "winthewar
town.Asa lastresort,
onsex"backfires
withamusingresults. SheriffNickieWelles
Afterstealinga secret enliststhehelpof a
psychic.
However,
her
formulathattakes
thecloseted
awaysexualdesires, girlfriend,
detective
Sandra
heexposes
it to the
suspects
that
population-hoping
to Franks,
curbtheir"unseemly" he'sa sham.Thefilm
provides
notonlya
lust.Theresultisn't
compelling
crimecase,
exactlywhathe
butcomplex,
believable
expected
asgaylove
characters.
abounds.
(ariztical.com)lesbian
(ariztica/.com)
[LG]
[LisaGunther]
to do excellent work. It's a glass ceiling
out there. What goes on in boardrooms of
Hollywood, we don't know. We know that
an equal number of boys and girls probably
put scripts in and then only the guys ones
come out. So you know, I think that "all
boy's club" makes it very, very difficult.
Doyouseethatboy'sclubfadingor at least
gettinga littlebitlesspowerful?
This year there's a few more women, but I
think it's a really interesting topic. I mean, I
love being a woman. I love the world. Guys
might run it. I feel envious of the power
they have. It's not one that I want. But you
know you have to have your eyes open
working that way. [Danielle
Sonnenberg]
TrueBlood:The
Complete
Second
Season
(HBOHomeVideo)
Food,Inc.
(MagnoliaHome
Entertainment)
Thesedaysyou
Telepathic
barmaid
won'tgetE.colifrom
SookieStackhouse
and meat-because
hervampiricretinue
it's nowmixedwith
investigate
anundead ammonia-cleansed
missingpersons
meat-filler.
Yes,you
caseinTexas,
while
readthatright.Thisis
thingsbackhomein
justanexampleof the
thebayouaregetting manyshockingissues
downrightpagan.
that Food,Inc.explores
Season
twoseesthe
in anindustrythat has
introduction
of lesbian becomea systemic
Vampire
Queenof
problemin ourculture.
Louisiana
Sophie-Anne It'll haveyourunning
Leclerq,
playedbyEvan to yourfarmersmarket.
Rachel
Wood.(hbo.com) (magpictures.com)
[Rachel
Shatto]
[Stephanie
Vernier]
June 2010
I59
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
And Then Came Ashleigh
Ashleigh Sumner is the powerhouse behind
the title role of the lesbian romantic comedy
And Then Came Lola, now out on DVD from
Wolfe. Inspired by the German art house
smash Run Lola Run, and co-starring out
actors Jill Bennett and Cathy DeBuono, the
film is a collection of"what ift moments set
against a gorgeous San Francisco backdrop.
Sumner taks about balancing a successful
acting career with other artful endeavors.
WhatwasmostdifficultaboutplayingLola?
The greatest challenge was going through the
script in a way that I probably wouldn't in a
linear filni.... and talking that over with the
director before we would shoot. Because you
are literally shooting the same scene and in
many places, you' re saying the exact same line,
but because the circumstances and the stakes
have shifted ... you have to bring something
completely different to it.
Is it hardto balancefilmworkwithyourart?
I think it keeps me from going cuckoo, to be
quite honest. The beauty of acting, the beauty
of performance art is that it's a completely
collaborative art. The beauty of painting is
that it's not collaborative. No one can direct
you, rewrite you or edit you. You don't have to
wait to be cast. I never feel starved for artistic
expression with painting, which is a huge gift,
and they feed each other. On a creative level,
they feel exactly the same. I try to approach
painting from in the body. It's not from the
mind. With acting, the trick is to drop into
the heart and get out of your head.
Whereelsecanwe seemoreof yourwork?
I have an art show ... in July for the Gay
and Lesbian Center i~ Hollywood where
50 percent of proceeds will go right into
the Gay and Lesbian Center and the
community. You'll also see my work at
Roche-Bobois as one of their international
artists. They're going to start carrying my
work in their San Francisco store. I've got
a play coming up that I'm rehearsing right
now, which I'm very excited about. It's at
Theatre Forty in Los Angeles. It's not a gay
role, which is just fine by me, but it's a twoperson show and it's good. [MelanyJoyBeck]
Stilettos and Stripper Poles
A camp classic returns
This year marks the 15th anniversary of the highest grossing
NC-17 movie of all time: the Gina Gershon-Elizabeth
Berkley catfight dramedy, Showgirls. In honor of that notquite barely-legal status, MGM Home Entertainment is
releasing the Showgirls 15th Anniversary Btu-Ray Edition.
Watch a na·ive Nomi (Saved By the Bell's Berkley) get her
big break at the Stardust Casino only to discover how
rough-and-tumble Vegas is. Better yet, marvel at sexy sinister Gina Gershon
(left) and their lesbian kiss and wonder
why we didn't realize this film would be a
camp classic in 1995. The Blu-ray includes
a lap dance tutorial by the girls of Scores, a
Showgirls Diary storyboard-to-screen
featurette and an all-new Stilettos and
Stripper Poles $-factor instructional by
Sheila Kelley, the most popular pole dance
and striptease workout designed by a
woman for women (who like to excercise in
heels or watch other women do so). [DAM]
And While You're Buying DVDs ...
Twoof thebiggestlesbianDVDreleases
thisyearare
fromlesbian-owned
WolfeVideo.SharonGlessstars
in HannahFree,in whichtwo Midwesternwomen
maintaintheir loveaffair througha marriage,
familydenialandwar.TheDVD
offersinterviews
with Gless,writerClaudia
Allen,lesbiandirector
WendyJo Carltonandothercrewmembers.
Also
out:the irresistiblyromanticAndThenCameLola
(above).Avatarrakedin $2.6billion
worldwidein theaterssoyouprobably
sawit, but it's wortha secondgander
on DVD
to revisitthe sexytrio of
Sigourney
Weaver,
ZoeSaldanoand
MichelleRodriguez
(bottomright).
AndTVon DVDoffersup Fiona,the
gun-wieldingformerIRAfighter(bottom
left)andSharonGlessin BurnNotice
Season
3. FamilyGuyVolumeB is astrashtastic
as always,andwe lovetheepisode"FamilyGay"
thatseesPetergoinggayandgueststarsMeredith
Baxter.AmericanDadVolume
5 boaststonsof
gayinnuendo
fromtheboys,butit's bisexualmom
Francine
(whoinitiatesa three-wayin oneepisode), ~
somelesbianstrippersandfeministstonerdaughter z
~
Haleywhomakeit a must-ownDVD.
[Diane
~
Anderson-Minshal~
!z
w
.J
<.!)
i'c
w
z
~
::,
~
~
.J
~
~
:i:
Q.
~
60
I curve
REVIEWSTech Girl
Lez Be in Touch
Stay in the lezzie loop with these iPhone apps. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
HANDHELD
PRIDE
By now,·almost every tech dyke has an iPhone. And
whether you're using it to bump digits with the hot
girl at the cafe, listen to the best new women's music on
Pandora or check your bank balance at Wells Fargo or
Chase before you buy that round of shots at the dyke
bar, it's clear that iPhones and their apps are impacting
the queer community. Here are eight of our favorite
sapphic,centric apps for your must download list:
Thefolksat BlackBerry
are
GIRLRadio(PrideNation
Radio):Despite its name, this
remindingusof LGBThistory band (and their app) rocks the kind of hyper techno,
withthissexynewpurple
pop usually found in men's bars. If you want more
smartphone.
The"purple
hand"is anoldsignof queer variety in your lesbian listening, check out the rest of
liberation,
whichoriginates PrideNation Radio, which features queer tunes and
links you to the Proud Television and PrideNation
froma 1969protestat a
SanFrancisco
newspaper
in
networks, where you can create a profile, chat, email,
whichthe employees
dumped tr~de pies and instant message. (free, pridenation.com)
purpleinkontheprotesters.
In greatgayfashion,the
GayQuotes
(SusanBroadbent):
Once again finding your,
protestors
usedthat inkto
self as the awkward bystander in a catfight happening
drawphrasesandhandprints
all overthe newspaper's between your ex and her current girlfriend (who's
building.ThenewBlackBerry also your ex) at the bar? Subtly tune out the dyke
drama with GayQuotes, an endlessly entertaining
Curve8530(dubbedthe
"modernpurplehand") app full of with words, pictures, historic tidbits and
comesin violetor purplejust
trivia from queers. ($2, susanbraodbentapps.com)
in timefor Pride.There'seven
a newPrideappthat let's
GayCities,GayGlobe(GayCitiesInc; DavidReeves):
youdeclareyourself"2CUTE
New
apps highlighting the best in lesbian life in cities
2BSTR8"withyourphone
around the world make it easier to follow the rainbow,
insteadof onT-shirtstheway
we did it, well,backin 1969. brick road. Gay Cities' app gives you instant access to
Andthere'slotsmoreto love: basic info, maps, reviews and ratings from other LGBT
full QWERTY
keyboard,
media travelers for over 95 cities worldwide. Gay Globe helps
player,digitalcamera,GPS, you find the n~est queer place in your current location.
Wi-Fi,3Gspeedandsome
(free, gaycities.com/iphone; $1, discoglobe.blogspot.com)
sweetappsfor Facebook,
TwitterandMySpace.
Now
youcanphonein yourprotest L.A.Gay& LesbianGuide,GayNewYork(SutroMedia;
or postit onYouTube
instead. LovelySphere):Live like The L Word crew with the
($30withtwo-yearcontract, L.A. Gay & Lesbian Guide or take a bite out of the
blackberry.
com/curve)
[Diane Big Queer Apple with Gay New York. Both apps
Anderson-Minshal~ feature the latest on what's hot (and not) in two of
the dykiest cities in the U.S. ($2, sutromedia.com; $2,
screen and then pops the question for you by giving her
two availableanswer buttons. If"yes" is selected, you'll
hear cheering. If "no;' you'll hear the "sobbing of
your broken heart:' It's serious digital dyke drama.
($1, gingetjever.com)
50Ultimate
Lesbian
Cocktails
(JoltOS):This fun app gives
you images and on,the,go recipes for"25 Butch Drinks
for the Fem Chick, and 25 Fem Drinks for the Butch
Gal;' all ch<?senby Angie Jackson, a lesbian mixologist.
A cute app for the casual drinker looking to mix things
up. ($2, lesbianSO.com)
GirlFun1-Adventuresin LesbianLoving(Andrews
UK
limited):Guaranteed to make your morning commute
a little more ... interesting. From the U.K:s well,known
erotic fiction producers Xcite books, this app promises
"twenty tales of lip,smacking lesbian action;' featuring
"soft lips on smooth, supple skin, slender curves inter, §"
locking:'You get the idea. ($8, andrewsuk.com)
a
u..
a:
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lovelysphere.com)
iPropose-LesbianEdition(GingerFever):This app
advertises itself as a "lighthearted way of proposing,"
that is "not intended as a substitution for romance:' This
app posts a picture of a wedding cake topper made of
two matching white,dress lezzies on your girl's iPhone
62
Icurve
SurfGirls(PinkClouds):
Of course, if you really want
to class up that $300 phone, there's Surf Girls, an
app boasting the "best collection of bikini girls for
iPhone:' Don't worry, we won't tell everyone that
you look forward to their regular Monday updates.
($3, surfgirls.moogo.com) ■
~
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She's A Little Bit Country continued from page 43
know. And there's a reason why: the stakes are
high. I'm not at the end of my career. You know,
this can likely be the end of my livelihood.
Andyou'rewillingto takethatrisk?
[Exhales] I have to. I will never be whole if I
don't do this.
·1thinkmaybeyourfanswill surpriseyoutoo.
Some might. It's going to break my heart to
lose my country music fans. I [know] what
people say about, about gays: That we're sick,
that we're making a choice and that we're
going to burn in hell. I can tell you that I
know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I
won't be burning in hell. But some will tell
me that I will, some will send me hate mail
and tell me that they're never going to buy a
record of mine again. I'm OK. I'm at peace
with the uncertainty of that ... ! lost the only
thing that really mattered.
Haveyoutalkedtoyourfonnerpartner
recently?
No. I mean, we email a couple of times a
year [because] we own property together. I
broke her heart, she-we broke one another's
hearts over this thing. I've spent a lot of time
writing this book, falling in love with her
again and going through the trauma of the
breakup again. One of my best friends ... is
Mary Karr, the great memoirist who wrote
Ihe Liars Club and Cherry and her newest
bestseller called Lit, and she said, Chel, the
reason you feel scooped out is because yo!-]wrote a good memoir. It's because you really
cracked y~urself completely open and you
went all the way back in. To really write a
book that's worth anything you have to relive
it and I did. I doubt that [my ex] and I will
ever be able to be anything again, but I know
I will never ever lose love because I'm hiding
again. I'll never do it.
Areyou'reopento love?Areyoureadyto move
onandwelcome
thenextloveofyourlife?
I am. That relationship ended in 2005. We
tried to get back together in 2006 and againI mentioned the Band- Aid on the gaping
wound-that's what that was: I've been doing
a lot of work on mysel£ I'm in great emotional
form and I do want love in my life. I want the
right love in my life. But a commitment I made
to myself through this pilgrimage of writing
the book and being in this seclusion, was that
during this time I wouldn't get into another
relationship because I would never again ask
someone to keep my secret. I don't go out
and date on the down low. It's a commitment
I made to myself and to anyone I would have
a relationship with: Never again am I going to
ask someone to keep my secret. It's a cancer.
So, yes, I am open to the right love. It might be
in five years, it might be in five days. Perhaps
I've already met her. I don't know. But I don't
want to spend my life alone, for sure.
BoththealbumandthebookdebutonMay4th.
Doesthatfeellikethedayyournewlifebegins?
[Editor'sNote:Thisinterviewoccuredbefore
Wright's
publicannouncemen~
It's passing a threshold. Some of my best
friends back in Nashville don't even know.
I'll be making a few phone calls that week
before it all happens. But for the past couple
of years, even the just day-to-day phone calls
from my friends and texts, "What are you
doing today?" I've wanted to say,'Tm on the
floor writing a chapter of my memoir:' And
I couldn't. So my detachments-that
compartmentalizing that I lived through ...
it's at a fever pitch and I'm ready to just take a
breath and say,'Tm on to the next chapter of
my life:' I'm scared to death of May 4th. I'm
not coming out because I'm not scared. I'm
coming out because I'm not ashamed. But I
can tell you, I'm nervous and I'm anxious and
I'm not sleeping well. My emotions are high
and there are a lot of great emotions, too.
I sounds
likeit mightbea bigahadayforyour
friends,
too.
I think so. I'm sure some of them have done
some logistical math in their heads over the
years. I shared a house with a woman, we
seldom had anybody over. But the great
thing about the few close friends that I had
is that they would never have asked me. They
might have thought it, but they had _enough
respect for me to never ask me. But with that
kind of a relationship, there's a big void in
intimacy with your friends. One of my best
friends, his name is Jan, and he and his wife
Melissa, when I went home to Nashville ...
we went out to dinner and I did confide in
him and it was just a beautiful moment
because he finally understood why I was
breaking down in 2006. I love him so much.
He would ring my doorbell and text me and
say, "I just left soup on your porch. Eat it:'
He knew something was going on. He would
walk in my door and just hold me. No one
should hurt like that and not be able to have
someone say,"What's going onr"
In thepast,a lotofwomenjusttookthistothe
grave.Theynevercameout.I thinkwomenwill
takestrength
fromyourcomingout.
I just want to tell my truth and if it facilitates
any lesbian or young or old gay person, I
couldn't be more honored.
What'sthemostimportant
thingyouwant
peopleto knowaboutChelyWright?
That I'm incredibly proud to be who I am as
a person, and I always have been. I've hidden
who I am not because of being ashamed of
being gay, but because I felt like I had to. I
wish I could have done this sooner, but I did
the best I could do-and I hope my truth
will be helpful to the community. ■
~
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I
I 63
TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
...
Leila
Chieko
We first discovered Leila Chieko when she was modeling for Dyke
Tees and found out she was much more than just another pretty
face. A musician, actor and adventurer, Chieko explores territory
most people only read about. By Stephanie Schroeder
1. She'snotshyaboutbeingbi.Despite being
in a seven-year relationship with a woman,
Chieko identifies as bisexual. ''I've never
not been attracted to men;' she says. "I like
identifying as bi, but I also like being open to
whatever. Bisexuals have a bad rep, because
we're 'on the fence' or 'can't decide: But, I'm
really proud that I'm equally attracted to men
and women. It's not like I can't decide. I like
being in relationships with women, but when
talking about sexuality-I think guys are hot.
I don't hide that:'
2. She'sa geekgoddess.Studying Geology
at Portland Community College, Chieko has
discovered she really digs math. "It's because I
am a very organized meticulous person [and]
just love how there's always a solution:' Who
says cute girls can't add up the numbers?
v1s1tmg lava, discovering new things and
documenting them with her camera. Her
favorite subject: Landscapes and wild life. "I
took a really great trip in Southeast Oregon
and [photographed] the birds and longhorn
antelope, the lizards-anything nature:'
6. She'splaysdrumsand bass.Chieko has
accompanied out singer-songwriters such as
Ashleigh Flynn who play Pride events and
community centers. She's now in a band she
describes as "a bunch of boys" [Benjamin
Franklin Freeman]. "The bass guitarist is a
cross dresser, that's an angle:• Chieko has
also won Mackenzie River Gathering's 2002
Lilla Jewel Award for Emerging Artist,
performed at several Portland and Eugene,
Ore. Pride festivals and played drums in
projects including Vivian's Keeper, Myshkin's
Ruby Warblers and Lara Michell.
3. ShewritesHaikusforfun.It's something she
"I like identifying as bi,
but I also like being open
to whatever. Bisexuals
have a bad rep, because
we're 'on the fence' or
'can't decide.' But, I'm
really proud that I'm
equally attracted to men
and women."
does for kicks while she's driving. The meter
to Haikus is 5-7-5 and they are supposed
to be about nature. "I like the structure;' she
says. "Here's one she wrote last fall: Green to
red to ground/ leaves left pressed/ fall swept
concrete-maple stained decay:'
7. She does her homework.At Portland
Community College, Chieko takes three
classes a semester while also working 32
hours a week as the inventory manager at CD
Baby."I don't really go out as much anymore,
I'm doing homework, but I love it:'
4. She'sa lavaqueen.''There's just this raw
8. Sheplaysthe ukulele:She picked up the
energy;' she says about her obsession with
lava. Chieko grew up on the youngest of
the eight Hawaiian islands, the island
of Hawai'i, where one the most famous
and active volcanoes, Kilauea, is located.
Chieko says: "One year I went back and the
lava was flowing in a very accessible place. It
was the most profound experience I've ever
had. It's 50,000 degrees and lava is coming
from the center of the earth. You are seeing
new earth being formed in front of your
eyes ... I got obsessed. Pele [the goddess of
fire] kind of cursed me and I just have to
learn about it now:•
ukulele at age 4. "I grew up in Hawaii and
everyone there plays it at some point-they
teach you in school. My dad is a musician,
so it was natural for me to pick it up and it's
small and good for a little kid. But, I don't
play it seriously now:'
5. She'san adventurer.
Not one to sit on the
beach day after day, Chieko's vacations are
chock full of fun and exploration. Snorkeling,
64
Icurve
9. Sheacts and scoresmusic,too. Chieko
stars in and wrote the ~core for gay filmmaker Sarah Naomi Campbell's new film,
The Search,and plays the guitar, ukulele and
djembe througout the film.
1 O. She'san explorer.She says Hawaii is
her soul. "It's my home;' she says simply and
wants to someday move back to Hawaii to
study the mysterious ways of Pele, the Fire
Goddess at Kilauea Volcano. ■
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Over a century later, life finally started to imitate art.
A TOLE8ANT WORLD IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. But we're getting there. At Progressive, we/
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Honored by The Trevor Project, the only nationwide, around-the-clock
suicide prevention helpline for gay and questioning youth.
crisis and
Features JUNE2010
36
A Country Star Comes Out
"Single White Female" crooner Chely Wright
comes out. In our exclusive interview, she talks
about God, family and hiding in Nashville.
By Diane Anderson-Minshall
44
Alix Dobkin-Alive
and Kicking
An intimate portrait of the legendary Lavender
Jane Loves Women singer who helped lead
the lesbian music scene for over 35 years.
By Rene Rosechild
48
Pride2010
Can Gay Bookstores Survive?
How lesbian bookstores are weathering
the economic storms. By Kelli Dunham
50
Who You Calling a Lesbian?
Tackling the complexities of Sapphic
language and identity. By Sassafras Lowrey
52
20 Things Every Lesbian Should Own
From hummus to duct tape, a list of things you
should keep in your closet, kitchen or under her
bed. By Lipstick and Dipstick
page
27
21
curve
Celebrating pride
~BEST
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2010 for LGBTEquality
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When you look back at the efforts and achievements of LGBT men and women
over the years, there's every reason to be proud. Not just once a year, but every day.
Wells Fargo takes great pride in the diversity of the communities we serve. That's why
we continue to make fmancial contributions to LGBT nonprofits, provide services
specific to the needs of our LGBT customers and foster a work environment that
doesn't just accept differences, but celebrates them. Happy Pride. All year round.
Together we'll go far
wellsfargo.com/lgbt
© 2010 Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. All rights reserved. Member FDIC.
Departments JUNE2010
18
Prom protesters
Ceara Sturgis(left)and
ConstanceMcMillen at
the L.A. GLAAD Media
Awards after party
-- --J
IN EVERY ISSUE
8
10
12
14
20
26
30
34
64
Frankly Speaking
24
about your time of the month. Period.
Letters
Contributors and Scene
27
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Lipstick & Dipstick
AstroGrrl
Relationships: Four sexy relationship
secrets to spice up your long-distance love.
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Floats, girls and booze: 10 expert tips to
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We're here, we're queer! Say it out loud.
Top Ten Reasons We Love ...
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survive Pride.
Out in Front
I Tried It
Health: Everything you need to know
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Celebrity Gossip
Fauxmosexuals abound, still gaga
for Gaga and Brangelina's "queer" kid.
18
Curvatures
Gay lions and tigers and bears,
oh my! Constance's battle for prom
continues. Plus, guess which lesbian
has her own comic book?
56
Cl
the Shondes and Chris Pureka. Plus, an
interview with the wild EmilieAutumn.
s
Books: It's Hammer! time with lesbian
director Barbara Hammer and understanding
the queer kid. Up close with Audrey Beth Stein.
58
Film: Documentaries to make you take
to the streets. Plus, Oscar-nominated
director Jane Campion and the queer
film collection you've been waiting for.
62
~
Music: New tunes to break your heart by
Tech: Think ilesbian: Gay apps for the
girls and a phone that will let you show off
your handheld pride.
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Sex and the Sapphic City
Hook ups, heart breaks and lots of hot action
is what blogger Queerie Bradshaw is all about.
A law student by day and sex blogger by
night, she fights for international rights to life,
liberty and the pursuit of good porn.
Generation Gayby
Writer Beren deMotier
is the lesbian mom next
door, and in her blog,
Gayby Boom, she shares
the joys, trials and hilarity
of same-sex parenting.
From romantic minivan
interludes to teenage
rebellion and slumber
parties, this mother of
three has seen it all.
Committed, Not
Complacent
"Monogamy, midlife
and menopause don't
have to be a drag. What
I write about is sexy,
sensual and cerebral,"
says Hooked-Up
blogger Stephanie
Schroeder, whose blog
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gal. Having found her
special lady, her blog
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sharing why settling
down doesnt mean
settling for less (sex).
The Pink Team
A Lofty Life
Sporty dyke and Lamda
Literary finalist Lyndsey
D'Arcangelo gives LGBT
athletes a voice with her
blog Playing for our Team.
Jetsetter and blogger
Karen Loftus loves the
finer things in life: Wine,
food and travel. From
West Hollywood to
South Africa, she gives
you the skinny on the
best eats, drinks and
destinations in her blog
A Lofty Life.
~
Queer for Music
Glamorous in the
Big Apple
Actor, model and
all-around entertainment maven Lauren
LoGiudice takes us
along for a ride on her
sexy Sapphic adventures
in the Big Apple in her
blog Swim, Float
or Drown.
For her blog, She's
Electric, Melany Joy
Beck gets up close and
personal with some of
our favorite queer bands,
scoring interviews with
Girl in a Coma, Tegan
and Sara, Kaki King and
manymoredivinedivas.)
Keeping Abreast
of Gay Hollywood
The Red Carpet blogger
Laurie K. Schenden is no
stranger to rubbing elbows
with lesbian celebrity elitesshe's spent time with Jane
Lynch, Linda Perry, Rose
Rollins and Lily Tomlin. In her
blog, she brings us sneak
peeks of the world of hot
celesbian-studded events,
behind-the-scenes action J
and exclusive interviews.
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FRANKLY
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curve
THE BEST-SELLING
JUNE 2010
I
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 20 NUMBER 5
Publisher and Founder Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Diane Anderson-Minshall
Managing Editor Kristin A. Smith
Associate Editor Rachel Beebe
Assistant Editor Rachel Shatto
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Music Review Editor Margaret Coble
Contributing Editors Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
EditorialAssistants Lisa Gunther, Sarah C. Jimenez, Liska Konig
Taking a Leap of Faith
It took hitting rock bottom and near suicide for Chely Wright to become the
first country music star to come out, and by doing so she is risking a lot - losing
her fans, friends, family and risking her own safety. These are issues we all face,
minus the fans, of course.
Wright's fear about coming out in Middle America made me reflect on what
it means to be out in a s~all town. I must say thank you to the queer people who
live in these areas. It would be so much easier to go to a big city where being out
isn't (as) dangerous, but staying to fight the hard fight gives us all hope. Thank
you, too, to Chely for taking this momentous step. People tend to support
LGBT equality when they know a gay person. Chely can be that person for
a whole segment of the population we have yet to reach. This award-winning
singer has the ability to reach conservative audiences in the Heartland, Bible
Belt and the military. We are so close to ending Don't Ask, Don't Tell that
having a performer like Chely, who has entertained the troops for years, come
out, helps us get even closer.
It's been so hard to keep this story under wraps. I first learned about it from
the amazing lesbian documentary duo TV gals, Bobbie Birleffi and Beverly
Kopf. When I saw the trailer for their film about Chely, tentatively titled,
Wish Me Away, I was moved to tears. How could Chely keep this secret for
30 years? Moreover, how could we keep it for three months? Curve was
only the second media outlet to interview Chely-before she came out to
her mom or her best friends. It's unprecedented for a star to talk to a lesbian
magazine before the mainstream media, and we are honored to help connect
Chely with our community. After seeing the movie clip and then reading
editor in chief Diane Anderson-Minshall's interview (page 36), I wanted to
wrap my arms around Chely and assure her that everything will be OK. If
nothing else, her new LGBT family will embrace her for her courage to come
out so publicly. She can be such a huge role model for kids and families in the
most homophobic parts of our country.
Let's reward Chely with our support now, too. At curvemag.com you can
send Chely a letter and listen to her music. Even better, you can watch a clip
from the upcoming documentary chronicling Chely's coming out and make a
donation to help this life-changing film become a reality.
PUBLISHING
Director of Operations Flo Enriquez
Senior Advertising Executive Diana L Berry
Advertising Sales Rivendell Media
Marketing Assistant Rose Tachis
ART
/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Photo Editor Hayley McMillen
Production Manager Ondine Kilker
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
Web Producer Nikki Woelk
Photo Assistant Brittany Jeffers
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Jamie Anderson, Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Stacy
Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Bree Clarke, Jennifer Corday, Lyndsey
D' Arcangelo, Beren deMotier, Ainsley Drew, Michele Fisher,
Lauren Marie Fleming, Katrina Fox, Serena Freewomyn Tania
Hammidi, Kathi lssemian, Gillian Kendall, Kate Lacey, Sheela
Lambert, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Ariel Messman-Rucker, Candace Moore, Alison Peters, Catherine
Plato, Aimsel L. Ponti, Heather Robinson, Laurie K. Schenden, Lori
Selke, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Robin Miner-Swartz, Yana TallonHicks, Kyra Thomson, Jocelyn Voo, Jamie Wetherbe
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Paul Michael Aguilar, Erica Beckman, Brie Childers, Meagan
Cignoli, Cheryl Craig, JD Disalvatore, Tony Donaldson, Sophia
Hantzes, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van
Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, CA 94103
Phone (415) 863-6538 Fax (415) 863-1609
Advertising Sales (415) 863-6538 ext. 15
Subscription Inquiries (800) 705-0070 International (818) 286-3102
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 20 Issue 5 Curve {ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc., 1550 Bryant St.,
Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian
{U.S. funds only) and $71.95 international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be
assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and
at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be
reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without written permission from the
publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any persons or organizations appearing,
advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual orientation
of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries,
unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be returned unless a sett-addressed
stamped envelope is included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages. The
contents do not necessarily represent the opinions of the editor, unless specifically stated. All
magazines sent discreetly. Subscription Inquiries: Pleasewrite to Curve, 1550 Bryant Street,
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Curve,POBox17138,N. Hollywood,CA 91615-7138.Printedin the U.S.
curvemag.com
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LETTERS
Memorial Day weekendit's the homo Spring Break I
always dreamed of! My spouse
and I have gone for years,
although sadly this year we
are going to take our 3-yearold for a family vacation. By
the way, I loved the parenting
articles this month.
-Sarah
Rodriguez, Baton
Rouge,Louis.
Gotta Know About Gaga
Poll
What's your favorite
movie kiss?
35%
GinaGershon
and
JenniferTillyin Bound
30%
HelenShaverand
PatriciaCharbonneau
in DesertHearts
12%
NeveCampbell
and
DeniseRichards
in
WildThings
10%
SusanSarandon
and
home. Thanks fq,r all your
effort. I thought you should
know how important your
labor is.
- Blanca Chanez, Spain
Editor'sNote:Sorry, Blanca,
we wish we had a Spanish-
languageedition of curve,
but there are still some
reallygreat Spanish Sapphic
resources.She Magazine in
Florida offers a Spanish
section called She Espanol.
Stupenda.org is an online
magazine for lesbians in
Barcelona. It's also a great
sourcefor info on the lesbian
scene.For entertainment, we
love the Spanish web series
Apples (appleslaserie.com).
Catherine
Deneuve
in
After reading in the media and
TheHunger
seeing photos from concerts
MeganFoxand
coupled with all of the rumors
7% Amanda
Seyfriedin
flying around, we would like
Jennifer'sBody
to know, is Lady Gaga really
SarahMichelleGellar
6% and
intersex? We religiously read
SelmaBlairin
CruelIntentions
Grateful for Gender Article
curve magazine and believe
After reading "Love Is a Many Gendered
that if anyone can get down
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
Thing" [Vol. 20#3] by Katrina Fox, I had to
to the truth, you will be the
ones who can· do it. Please help!
write to thank you so very much for printing
Where Are All the Angry Lesbians?
it. No article has touched me so deeply. I am
-Diane Coleman,Modesto, Calif
I have not read an article so true as Victoria
a 58-year-old trans lesbian (post-op) and I
Brownworth's piece about Women's History
Note:Personally,we likethe intrigue.But Month, titled "A Question of Relevance"
make no secret of the fact that I am trans. I'd Editor's
like to think I have a lot to offer someone, but for those who must know, no, Gaga is not [Vol. 20#2]. I am 21 years old, and it's
intersex.She is, however,comfortable
enoughwith startling to see how few of my peers-lesbians
I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact
that finding a Ms. Anything, let alone Ms.
the labelto give some visibilityto the almost1 in and straight women alike-are interested
Right, will never happen for me. A huge
every100 peoplewhosebodyat birthdiffersfrom in women's equality. It was encouraging to
''standard"maleorfemale.Formore see Ms. Brownworth take the argument
on intersexuality,
go to isna.org.
for feminism and express it so eloquently.
Congrats Gina!
Sometimes I get the feeling that feminism is
i.,Curve,en Espanol?
only a distant memory. Where have all the
Congrats to contributing editor Gina
Daggett-better known as femme
I would like to know if you have
angry lesbians gone? I sincerely hope that
advice guru Lipstick-for her awesome
a Spanish version of curve
we haven't given up the fight for equality
win of OUTtv's Hot Pink Shorts contest. Daggett's
magazine or know about another
when there is still so much to accomplish.
short film, 'Ti/ Death Do Us Toby, follows Sam, a
lesbian magazine in Spanish
- Kara Kuntz, Williamsport,Pa.
teenage lesbian in the making, and Toby, th~ family
that I could find. Although
dog who believes his days are numbered. Production
there are many lesbians here
Corrections
of the short film begins soon, and we'll keep you in
Billie Myers' song"Lady Jane" [Vol. 20 #3] is
in my country, it is not easy to
the loop. Way to go, Lipstick-er, Daggett!
find a magazine like yours. As
on the album Tea & Sympathy. Contributing
you can imagine, sometimes it is writer Kim Bale penned the article "Triply
"thank you" to Katrina Fox for this article and
Blessed" [Vol. 20 #3]. The location with the
very difficult to read and understand many
to curve for publishing it. I still have my articles when they are not in your native
red couch in "The Power Suit" [Vol. 20#4]
doubts I will ever find Ms. Right, but I have language, and I can't enjoy all the events
is courtesy of Straight to the Point body
a small glimmer of hope again. At least now
that I read about because they're so far from
piercing (myspace.com/malteseart).
I know it is possible. Thank you again.
-Jennette Lynne Caden, Dayton, Ohio
(!)
Sendlettersto: curve magazine
1550BryantSt.,Ste.510 SanFrancisco,
CA94103
More Florida Fun
Why is Pensacola not on your list of places
to visit in Florida [Vol. 20#3]? Every year
lesbians take over Pensacola Beach over
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CONTRIBUTORS
From the Editor
There's always
so much I want
to tell you about
what we've been
doing and so little
"Tue first time I heard Alix Dab.kin's voice, it was coming out of
someone's stereo at a lesbian house party in 1974. My world tilted on
its axis and immediately realigned on a much more favorable, lesbian~
positive angle;' says contributing writer ReneRosechild,
whose piece about
the legendary musician appears on pg. 46. "Now, like Dobkin, I'm an old
dyke, and I chink the young queer women out there will enjoy and benefit
from a little of Dab.kin's still refreshing perspective:' Interviewing Dobkin led Rosechild to
reflect on what has changed and what has stayed the same since chose wild days in the early
'70s. Rosechild is a freelance writer and mother living in Denver.
space in which to
do it! While we put
this issue to bed,
several Curvettes
got props from
someone other than me.
Curve's senior advertising
executive Diana Berry was
recently elected to the Board of
Directors for the San Francisco
lo
!!i
''I've known Glennda Testone for years;' says contributing writer
Gretchen
Dukowitz.
"In face, I used to sit in the cubicle across from her
when she was a lowly media manager at the Gay & Lesbian Alliance
Against Defamation and I was just an intern. It's been a pleasure to
watch her work her way up through the ranks of various LGBT and
feminist organizations, and interviewing her (pg. 33) was like talking to
an old friend. She's an amazing woman, and I can't wait to see all of the
amazing things she's going to accomplish at the Center:' As for Dukowicz' career-she
writes for curve, as well as the Advocate and Salon.com.
pundit, assistant editor Rachel
Shatto. In her spare time, Rachel
runs zombiegrrlz.com, a site and
podcast by feminists who love
horror flicks. Well, the "grrlz"
won the 3rd Annu.al Splatcademy
Award for best podcast.
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LGBT Center and the secret's out
about our in-house pop culture
8!
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An avid reader and writer, curve editorial assistant Sarah C.
Jimenezwas honored with the opportunity to uncover one of San
Francisco's eclectic literary pockets, Omnivore Books (pg. 48). She
also researched and wrote our timeline on Constance McMillen's
Mississippi prom (pg.18). Originally a San Diego native,Jimenez
began her professional career as a teacher, but couldn't ignore
all the stories writing themselves in her head. She is currently
working on two novels and her ultimate goal is to have one of
her stories made into a movie. As she likes to say, "Dream big or
go home!"
Even our top dog got props:
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wife offered to match every
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dollar donated to EQCA the
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night of their annual awards
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last February. Then in May,
the National Center for
Lesbian Rights honored Frances
with their outstanding community
partner award. Props to all!
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Editor in Chief
1 Curve productionmanagerOndineKilker
(secondfromleft)with FCGoldPridemascot
Pounce& herWakizasoccerteammates2
HLN'sJaneVelezMitchell(left)with curve
contributorMichelleBart'smother,Donna3
At the L.A.GayandLesbian·
Center(fromleft)
CocoPeru,LilyTomlinandE.D.LoriL.Jean4
Familyat Freedom
to Marryrallyin Minnesota
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ADVISORS,}
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will always be there for ·each other.
Introducing the Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisor or ADPAsMdesignation
The brand-new ADPAsM
designation was created by Wells Fargo Advisors and the College for Financial
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Members SIPC, non-bank affiliates of Wells Fargo & Company.
ACCREDITED DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP ADVISOR 5Mand ADPA5Mare
service marks of the College for Financial Planning®.
© 2010 Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. All rights reserved.
Together we'll go far
LESBOFILE
You Asked Faux More
Hollywood's abuzz with pretend lesbians, but we don't mind. By Jocelyn Voo
Marcia,Marcia,Marcia
Maureen McCormick and Eve Plumb
are famous for their feuds as on-screen
sisters Marcia and Jan Brady during their
youth. A few decades later, they' re still not
exactly chummy.
The tension really erupted in 2007 when
McCormick wrote an autobiography in
which she alleged that she and Plumb were
sexually involved, a charge that Plumb has
vehemently denied.
Now, three years later, it looks like Plumb
still hasn't forgiven her. The cast of The Brady
Bunch was all set to reunite for an appearance on NBC's Today show, but when Plumb
heard she'd share the stage with McCormick,
she pulled out.
Will she share the spotlight? Don't hold
your breath.
DearLadyGaga
Will you marry us? We've always kind of
crushed on you, but now that your new iiberhot music video for "Telephone" is out, we've
got to say that the scene where you liplock
with your jail yard girlfriend was more than
a bit hot. (Madonna and Britney, are you
taking notes?)
You couldn't have picked anyone better
than the lezzie performance artist and
personal trainer Heather Cassils, who told
Out about the casting process: "(Gaga]
16
Icurve
called me over and asked me to portray her
girlfriend and said, 'OK, you're going to be
my prison girlfriend, and you're going to
come to me and I'd like you to touch me
inappropriately: (Laughs] We just kind of
went from there:'
Oh, to be so lucky. Gaga, if you're ever in
need of some more inappropriate touching,
call us. We're in the book!
Flip-Flop
Fauxmosexual?
When we first started hearing whispers
that Real Housewives of Atlanta starlet Kim
Zolciak had a girlfriend, despite having a
sugar daddy on the show (named Big Poppa,
no less), .we were pretty sure we had just
met the new president, vice-president and
treasurer of the Fauxmosexual Club. The
rumors began when Zolciak was spotted
escorting Tracy Young, the out DJ who'd
remixed Zolciak's song "Tardy for the Party;'
for a charity gala in Miami.
At first, Zolciak denied the claim to
TMZ, insisting that Young is "a great
friend:' But then in late March, she'd
changed her tune-for
Life & Style,
at least.
"I don't believe love has a
gender. I have a ton of
girlfriends who have
been with girls,
and I could never
comprehend that before.
Now I can;' she says. "I
myself was confused and
scared at· first. Being able
to speak from my heart
and get this all out, it's a
huge relief for me:'
According to Zolciak it
was Young who made the
first move, and that their
first kiss was "passionate
and exciting:'
However, a week later
on an Atlanta radio show
the Housewives star backtracked again, saying that
it was a "one-time deal;'
that Young had exaggerated the relationship
to the press an1 that she had cut all ties
with the DJ.
Trading in her Big Poppa for a Big Mama?
Not likely.
SexiestCouple
AliveProduce
a Lesbian
Or at least that's what much of the media
seems to think about Angelina Jolie and Brad
Pitt's biological daughter Shiloh. You see,
the 3-year-old girl used to wear her blonde
hair long and prefer girls' clothing. However,
lately she has been snapped by the paparazzi
sporting short hair and wearing boys'clothing.
And according to Life & Style, she even
wants to be called "John'' instead of her
birth name. Alert the media!
Seriously? What's all the who-hah about?
She's 3 years old. Isn't it a bit too early to
be "worried" that she might have gender
confusion? Kids that age are still
wetting themselves and eating
paste, yet no one worries about
advanced incontinence or an
eating disorder. Our personal
opinion? If Shiloh's biggest
problem is the fact that she
prefers pants to frocks,
we'd say she's about the
most well-adjusted
celebrity kid m
Hollywood. ■
Marcia Brady's sexy Sapphic secret
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Sh·e Said
's resorts,
kstores & mo
the US, C!anad
& beyon
omen's festivals, ,
Ide celebrations,
LGBT fllm fests,
ntures & morel
Birds of a Feather Flock Together
We've always known that the animal kingdom
is as varied as it is beautiful, but scientific
evidence suggests that it may be even more
diverse than we realized. Studies carried out
by UC Riverside and the National Science
Foundation have revealed that humans
are not the only species to engage in samesex behavior.
The female Laysan albatross, for example,
will sometimes pair off with another female
to help raise her young, after which the two
lovebirds will often remain bonded for life.
Meanwhile, it is not unusual for the male
bottlenose dolphin to engage in same-sex
behavior with other male dolphins to forge
social bonds. In fact, evidence of same-sex
behavior has been found in virtually all
animal species, including bonobos, penguins,
frogs, fruit flies and even worms.
In one study, biologists at the University of
Utah discovered that most female nematode
worms possess both male and female sexual
organs. What is perhaps more interesting is
that the worms carry genes that determine
both male and female sexual behavior-
suggesting that hardwiring in the brain may
actually be a key component in determining
sexual behavior, rather than just the sexual
organs themselves. Because there is only one
male nematode worm for every 500 females,
the females will often fertilize their own eggs
and produce offspring on their own.
These studies seem to point to the fact
that sexual orientation is based on genetic
and environmental components, but in the
case of the Laysan albatross, one can't help
but think that there is a bit of romance at
work as well. [LisaGunther]
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Guilty: Judge rules in
Constance's favor, but
does not order school
to reinstate prom
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No Tux: Constance
wants to wear a tux and
take her girlfriend to a
Mississippi high school
prom. Administration
says "No"
A Star is Born:
Constance heads to D.C. to
lobby a new bill to protect
LGBT students from discrimination, becomes fresh face
of the nation's LGBT rights
and struggles
"vt-.r- .. ~:'
-1JreL Wordstar
EllzabethKeener
to cunemag.com
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Pretend Prom: Constance
wants to attend school's
reinstated prom, but is
tricked and sent to a fake
dance, which included
only seven students
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The Big Dogs:
ACLU steps
in to convince
the school
to change its
stance, but to
no avail
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In Yer Facebook!:
An anti-Constance
Facebook page
backfires when it is
overwhelmed with
pro-Constance
comments
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Rebellion Pays: Ellen
invites Constance on her
show and grants her a
$30,000 scholarship
f~F:ig:ht;;;in:g~B;a:c:k~:
A~C~L~u;--1••·•-~
files lawsuit, stating
Constance's right to free
speech was violated
1
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On The Side of Love: The
American Humanist
Association announces
that-they will be hosting
"The Second Chance
Prom" for Constance and
her classmates. Green
Day and Lance Bass are
among the performers
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the rundown
The Gaydar
Here's a taste of lesbians in pop culture this month.
Who missed the mark and who was right on target?
B
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HatespeakMexicansinger
Paquitala del Barrio
saysshe'drather
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diethanbe
adoptedby
a same-sex
couple.Wow
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Bondage-Gate
RNChead
MichaelSteelebustedfor
spending$2,000of donor
moneyat a WeHolesbianthemedbondageclub
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UESTIONS
INAPPROPRIATE
HOEFER
WITHSUZANNE ESTEN
Ever thought of enlisting in the military but
had second thoughts because of Don't Ask,
Don't Tell? Gen.DavidPetraeus,
a four-star general who you may
remember from his role as the
manager of our wars in Iraq and
Afghanistan, has come closer
than ever to saying he believes that this
policy should be repealed ... Charges have
been filed by the ACLU
against the Rapid
City, S.D. police department after officers
outed Sergeant
JeneNewsome
as a lesbian
to her superiors at Ellsworth Air Force
Base. Officers were at Sgt. Newsome's
home in search of her wife, who was
wanted on theft charges. When the police
were unable to gain access to the home,
they began looking through windows, and
saw an Iowa state marriage certificate on
the couple's table. The police department
,then informed military officials on base
and Newsome was discharged ... TheSacred
HeartofJesusCatholic
School
in Boulder,
Colo., is refusing to allow a kindergartner
to return to school next fall because the
child is being raised in a lesbian home. The
archdiocese told local news outlets that,
"Parents living in open disaccord with
Catholic teaching in areas of
faith and morals unfortunately choose by their
actions to disqualify their
children from enrollment:'
... EllenDeGeneres
will be
breaking into a new medium
as the star of Bluewater
Productions'
latest comic book
biography of a famous woman.
The book will cover Ellen's life from her
childhood in Louisiana to her rise to fame
and include career highlights and low
points. It also touches on her relationship
history: one panel will cover her relationship with Anne Heche, but there will be a
full-page feature on her wedding to Portia
deRossi
... The iPhone game ValetHustle
from Factory Games is an all-new gay
way to distract yourself in boring meetings
or bad dates. A puzzle game in the vien
ofTetris and Diner Dash, it features a lez
protagonist, same-sex kissing and some of
the proceeds benefit the Human Rights
Campaign. For more gay iPhone apps,
turn to page 62. [Sassafras
Lowrey]
ID
June 2010
I 19
His Clothes Are Taking up Space
Should she demand they get tossed?
By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My partner Laura and I recently broke up lesbia~. But I understand some lesbos are a
because she's still keeping a box of her ex's clothes in her home. It's bit more picky. You're 17, there's no need to
full of random items that include his underwear. She claims he doesn't rush anything here. A lot of girls-gay and
straight-are
just like you. Chances are
have room in his new apartment, but he took all the furniture when he
you've just got other things on your mind right
left 10 months ago. Laura doesn't understand why I am upset and fed up now, like filling out college applications,
with the whole situation. Am I being petty, or do I have reason to worry? joining a summer softball league and saving
- Exacerbated About Her Ex
up to buy the new iPad. Some people really
•-------------------------------------
Lipstick:What's Laura's problem? Anyone
with a pulse can see these skid marks from
a mile away. I'd be pissed too, because even
though it's simply a box of clothes, they
represent far more. Perhaps her inability to let
go, or to stand up for herself? Tell Laura you
need clear boundaries and if she wants to be
your girlfriend, she needs to respect how you
feel.Is thisher first relationship with a woman?
If so, beware! There may well be a reason she's
holding on.
Dipstick:Sorry Lipstick, I disagree. Laura is
standing up for hersel£ She's saying that no
new lover is going to tell her whose clothes
she will or will not keep at her house. Good
for her. Just because Exacerbated is insecure
is no reason for Laura to change her behavior.
I think the reason she's hanging on to his
clothes is because Laura's a closet butch and
his 50 ls and boxers feel so right when she puts
them on. I'll bet she struts around the house
in his undies when no one is there, probably
lip~syncing to "Old Time Rock and Roll:' You
should nurture her budding butchness, not
suppress it. Go buy her some flowers, a necktie
and a fresh pack of BVDs.
Dear Lipstick& Dipstick:I'm 17 and I came
outwhenI was14. I'm a virginandhavenever
kissedanyone.I've alwaysbeenattractedto
girls,butlatelyI'm notattractedto anyone.Not
girlsor guys.Is theresomething
wrongwith
me?- AmI a Lemon?
need to get to know a person before feelings
the ladies, that's all that matters. It sounds
like you're picky, just like yours truly, who
appreciates the beauty of all women, but
whose skirt is only blown up every now and
then by certain ladies who walk by. You can't
expect to be constantly turned on by people,
regardless of their sex. This will continue to
ebb and flow and change :;isyou mature.
Dipstick:Unlike Lipstick, my gym shorts are
blown up by just about any dyke who crosses
my path. Tall, short, butch, femme, skinny,
fat, blonde, brunette-I
like 'em all. That's
one of the ways that I know I'm a true~blue
of attraction come up. Eventually, a girl or a
boy who makes you tingle will come into the
picture and the two of you will make delicious
lemonade together.
DearLipstick& Dipstick:I'm 44 andhavebeen
withmypartnerfor 14 years.We'veraisedour
blendedfamilyof five childrentogetherand
havefour grandchildren.
We'vebeenemptynestersfor abouttwo yearsand couldn'tbe
happier.I loveheras muchtodayas whenwe
first met. We both have successfulcareers
and live comfortably.Eighteenmonthsago,
I switchedjobs and beganco-teachingwith
a:
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:,::
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~
Lipstick:
Libido fluctuates, little limoncello, so
relax. If you know in your heart that you love
20
Icurve
w
a
~
ADVICELipstick & Dipstick
an oldfriend,Stacy.We immediately
hit it off
as teachingpartners,evenreferringto each
otheras "workwife."Ourspouses(she'sbeen
marriedfor 25 yearsto a ·wonderful
man)get
alongand we've goneon vacationtogether
andspendlotsof timeat eachother'shouses.
It didn't happenright away, but aboutfive
monthsagoI d~veloped
feelingsfor Stacy.I'm
prettysureshefeelsthesame.Wejokearound
in a flirty way, and whenwe're workingon
lessonplans,I often look up and find her
staringat me. She'sverytouchyand whenI
feel electricitybetweenus,I wantto take her
in myarms,butI resist.I don'tknowhowmuch
longerI can resist,or if I evenwant to. Help!
- SplitDownthe Middle
Lipstick:
"Torn Between Two Lovers;• "Can't
Fight This Feeling," "Dreaming of You;'
there are so •many love songs about your
predicament that falling in love with multiple
people at once has become a proverb.
Dipstick:
How about "Hot for Teacher!"
Lipstick:
Yeah-Van Halen!
Dipstick:Don't forget the Joan Armatrading
classic "The Weakness in Me:'
Lipstick:Dip, this isn't Name That Tune,
it's an advice column. Split, you said you
"couldn't be happier" with your current
partner, but is that the truth:' First, you
need to be honest with yourself. Is your
current relationship really that healthy:'
Second, you need to sit your partner
down and tell her about your attraction to
Stacy. This is part of life and you guys can
work through this together, whatever that
means_.What you shouldn't do is continue
living behind a veil of secrecy, or have an
affair, as that will inevitably harm everyone involved far more. You don't want her
to be singing the Eurythmics song "You
Hurt Me (And I Hate You):'
Dipstick:Lipstick, you've got it all wrong.
The reason there's so many songs about this
ONE SUCCESSSTORY
-
This may be a physical issue (she can't orgasm), an
imbalance of some sort (hormonescausing a drop in sex drive) or
an issue around sexual abuse. Or, I hate to ask this, but could there
be someone else in her life? Does she realize how agonizingthis
is for you? You girls need help. If you can't get to the root of the
problem yourselves,get in to see a therapist. Hang in there, sexpot.
You deserve to be satisfied!
22
I curve
You don't want her to be
singing the Eurythmics
song "You Hurt Me
(And I Hate You)."
issue is because it's so prevalent. People, even
those in happy long-term relationships,
develop crushes on others. It makes life
exciting, gives us a reason to get up and go to
work in the morning and reminds us that were
still desirable sexual beings. Instead of sitting
down and talking to your wife, I suggest you
discuss it with Stacy. Shes not stupid-she can
feel the energy between you. It's best to name it
and get it out in the open. Talking about it should
take away it's power But if it doesn't and feelings
only get stronger, well, then your partner will
probably be singing,"Hit the Road Jack:' ■
une in to curvemag.com/lipstickanddipstickto watchThe Lipstick
& Dipstick Show. Or, write to
tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
®
ADVICEHealth
Butch. Period.
Lost in the land of lady products.
By Heather Robinson
As I walk down the "feminine'' products aisle
surrounded by all the frilly little pink boxes,
I can't help but feel as if I should be riding
a pony sidesaddle, twirling my hair. Looking
hatefully at pillowy packages of pads and
awful products designed to make women
smell fakely like the morning dew, I finally
choose the 64-count of Super Tampax in a
plain, dark blue box-as it's clearly the butch
girl's best option.
Though I don't know many women who
love their periods, I'm more disgruntled than
most. My cycle makes me acutely aware of
all the Earth Goddess parts of me, and it's
impossible to ignore the baby-making organs
on board.
I'm just not made for menstruation.
24
Icurve
Despite my 20 years of visits from Aunt Flo,
I am still caught unaware on a regular basis.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm not being passiveaggressivewith my own body. Meanwhile, my
poor cargo shorts continue to pay the price.
The monthly reminder of my womanly
potential wouldn't be so bad if it weren't
for the presiding emotional hurricane that
accompanies it. I am usually fairly jovial and
mellow, but the week before my period I am
abducted by hormonal body snatchers and
transformed into an unpredictable, overly
sensitive woman on the verge of a nervous
breakdown. These are not the traits I usually
identify with and, quite frankly, they freak me
out. Last month, when I hunkered down in
my hurricane cellar waiting for the emotional
storm to pass, I began to wonder about the
other butches who share my suffering, and
if there just might be a better way for us to
handle this regular dose of femininity.
I spoke to a few other butch-identified
women to get their take on dealing with their
special lady time.
Terri, a 41-year-old butch, admits that"it's
hard to feel manly with a giant pad stuffed in
the drawers:' In her experience, her period is
'just sort of an extension of the whole 'holy
crap, I'm a girl' thing:' She bemoans the fact
that most women, herself included, spend
half their time either clutched by PMS
or bleeding. One of her coping skills is an
elaborate mythology that casts her uterus as
an evil, sperm-hungry menace that punishes
her monthly for not getting pregnant'i\nother egg lost forever. Pay, sucka, pay!"
Elizabeth, a 40-year-old self-identified
"butch gentleman;' recalls the horror of her
first period: "It meant I wasn't going to be a
boy and I was really mad. It felt unnatural
and wrong;' she says. Now the mood swings
bother her the most. "I normally like to be
even-keeled. I don't like that it plunges me
into extremes. I have learned to avoid country
music stations for that week;' she says.
Gitane, a 47-year-old woman who selfidentifies as, "butch-of-center" and usually
dates high femmes, has come to respect and
appreciate the raging hormones that once sent
her jumping through a window (literally).
Since changing her tune on the issue,
she has learned to manage the situation by
keeping track of both her and her partner's
cycles, warning co-workers about potential
outbursts, communicating with her partner
and asking for the support she needs. This
was not easy for a strong woman who was
used to taking care of everyone else.
"I learned I had to talk about it with my
girlfriend if I wanted to be in the relationship
with her. [My period] is the only time that
I actually spend by mysel£ because I need
to be alone. It is an opportunity for space, a
monthly review;' she says.
Plus, since coming to better appreciate
her feminine side she is now enjoying one of
~
tt
~
~
~
~
Health ADVICE
the perks. "What came with the heightened
emotional intensity, when I was able to allow
myselfto be in my body,was great sex;'she says.
Gitane isn't the only one espousing the
power of communication to overcome many
of the most common menstrual challenges.
A groundbreaking 2006 study by Dr. Jane
Ussher showed that lesbians suffer less from
PMS than their straight counterparts, and
found that "lesbian interviewees reported
awareness and recognition of premenstrual
changes in: responsiveness to needs, open
communication and responsibility sharing:'
Fellow butches and science were saying
lesbians know how to roll with their periods,
so what the hell was I doing wrong?
Perhaps it isn't my butchness that's
causing all the problems, but rather my lame
communication skills, lack of self,awareness,
rigid expectations, fear of admitting weakness
and inability to ask for help.
Apparently, I had more in common
with stressed,out straight women, who,
according to the study, reportedly hated
feeling out of control, were unable to tolerate
their own negative emotions and feel overly
demanded upon. They had a difficult time
asking for help. They couldn't admit that
they needed time alone or that they were
more emo~ional during their cycles (or
maybe they tried and nobody wanted to
hear it). So they suffered more. These were
feelings I could relate to, except that the
straight women were backing themselves
into a Superwoman cage, and I had locked
myself into a butch prison where emotions
WELCOMING YOUR MONTHLYVISITOR
Two books tackle our complex relationship with the crimson tide.
Flow:TheCulturalStoryof Menstruation,
ElissaSteinand
SusanKim(St.Martin'sPress):Billedas a "funny,fascinatingand
occasionally
scarystoryof big business,
advertising,
feminism,
genderroles,medicine,religion,worldculturesand,aboveall,good
manners
... in whicheverysinglefemale,youngor old,will recognize
herstory,"F/owwilllikelybecomethedefinitiveculturalanalysis
of menstruation
in herstory.A wellspringof informationabout
menstruation
froma socialandhistorical
(orhysterical)
perspective,
the bookexposesthe so-calledfeministhygieneindustry,
amongotherinstitutionsandsocialstrictures."Whenever
menstruation
is mentioned
thesedays,it's onlybecause
there'san underlyingsalespitch,"writethe authors.The
bookis illustratedwith a hostof 20th-and21st-century
advertisements
for sanitarynapkinsandotherperiod-related
productsandservices.A compellingread,irreverentandfunny,
Flowoffersfreshinsightintowhyourcultureis bothbizarrely
preoccupied
withandashamed
of anexperience
thathalfof the
earth'spopulation
regularlyundergoes.
[Stephanie
Schroeder]
Women.
Period.,editorsJuliaWatts,Parneshia
Jones,Jo Ruby
andElizabethSlade(Spinsters
Ink):Everywomanhasor hadit, but
noonewantsto talkaboutit-until now.Women.
Period.
takesthe
love-hate
relationship
we havewithAuntFlobeyondthe boundaries
of ageandculture,resultingin a funny,sad,sweet,angryandadoring
collection
of menstrual
memories.
It is botha celebration
andan
examination
of thesharedexperience
thatunitesall women.Brokenintothreesections,
"Crescent,"
"Full"and"Waning,"
thebooktakesa lookat ourmonthlyvisitorfromthemultiple
stagesof ourlives.Thiscollection
of poetry,essaysandshortstorieswrittenbywomen,for
women,is intended
to inspireanduniteus.Wearewomen,hearusroar!Afterall,thetitle isn't
Women.
Question
Mark.[Kimberly
Bale]
and vulnerability were bad and feminine.
The butch women I spoke to had adopted
many of the coping skills identified as helpful
in Ussher's study-they communicated openly
with themselves and their partners, they
were willing to ask for and take space if
they needed it, and they had learned how to
plan around emotional peaks and valleysone was even working on embracing and
appreciating her feminine side.
The moral of the menstrual story seems to
be that sticking to rigid gender stereotypes
sucks for everyone. It doesn't matter if
you're a man who can't admit he's wrong, a
supermom who won't ask for a night off or
a butch dyke who can't accept that for a few
days a month she likes to watch GilmoreGirls
and cry over sappy country songs. ■
Greening the Red
Backpain,crampsandbloating-what'snotto
getexcited
aboutwhenit comes
toyourperiod?
Whilewedon'thavea curefortheseinfamous
symptoms,
wedohavea fewsuggestions
to helpeaseyourhealth,environmental
and
moneyconcerns
aboutthatoh-sospecialtime
of themonth.
Lunapads-The
ladiesat
Lunapads,
aVancouver-based
company,
areleading
theway
in reusable
products.
Their
trademark
padscomein a variety
of patterns,
colorsandsizesforall
yourneeds.
Theliners,whichareorganiccotton,
goontopofthecolorfulbasepad.Mixandmatch
depending
onyourflow.(/unapads.com)
NaturalTampons-Inthenameof MotherEarth,
manyof uswentapplicator-free
yearsago,but
there'sstillfurtherwecangoto reduceourtampon
trashandkeepourbodiessafeatthesametime.
Companies
likeSeventh
Generation
offerorganic,
chemical-free
options.
(seventh-generation.com)
SeaSponge
Tampons-For
thebestecology
to economy
ratio,try Jade& Pearl'sdioxinfreenaturalsponges.
Forjust$12yougettwo
washable
sponges
thatlastsixmonthseach.
(jadeandpearl.com)
Cups-Catch
thecrimsonwavewitha reusable
menstrual
cup.TheDivaCupis madewithmedical
gradesiliconeandis 100percenthypo-allergenic.
TheKeeper
offerstwooptions:
TheOriginal,
made
fromnaturalgumrubberanda siliconeMoonCup.
(divacup.com,
thekeeper.com)
[Kristin
A.Smith]
June 2010 I25
ASTRO
GRRL
The Stars Align for Pride
on your closet door-blow
Don't sit and wait for a knock
it off its hinges. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Gemini
(May22-June21}
Sex:Whisper delightful little things in her ear and see if
she will follow you anywhere. You'll enjoy the trip more
with her by your side. Career:
It is not too late to do a
good spring cleaning this June, both home and office.It
will be even easier with a few able-bodied ladies to help
out. Do I smell a party as the dust is stirred up?
Cancer(June22-July23)
Sex:Money is honey in June so see how much of it you
need to sweeten your love life. By the end of the month
will she love you for you or what you can buy? Does
it matter? Career:
You know just what to say to get
tongues wagging at work. But maybe there is a better
use for your wit and wisdom than just fanning the air.
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
Sex:You command center stage this June and enjoy the
adoration of the crowds. Can you use your magic to
GEMINI(MAY21-JUNE21) attract a certain lady? No autographs, please. Career:
Sapphic
Twinsareexpressive Money comes your way out of the blue. Is it a windfall
andwittysouls.
Theyarehighon or an avalanche? Who cares, as long as it's saved and
intellect
andpridethemselves
on not squandered on wine, women and song. Uh-oh.
being"in theknow"withallthe
hotnewsandtrends.
Theycan Virgo(Aug.24-Sept23)
beverychattyandinformative Sex:You have a secret admirer this June. Look for her
butalsotend~ohaverathershort clues and send out a few yourself Dust her for fingerattention
spans.If sheappears prints later. Career:
Make a powerful presence around
unfocused,
chalkit up to anactive
the corporate movers and shakers. Shake them up, so
mindgravitating
to a newsubject
you can move them 1n your direction.
because
thecurrent
oneistoo
darnboring.
Thebestwaytowin
anargument
withthisgalisto let Libra(Sept.24-0ct.23)
herthinkthatshe'sright.Fairly Sex:A particular gal pal makes the moves on you this
soonafterthat,she'llbeoff on June. Is it love or just fleeting lust? How to choose?
another
littletangentandwill How to choose? Career:Someone is working behind
forgetwhatthebickering the scenes to manipulate your career path. Are they
wasaboutanyway. for or against you? Time will tell-as well as a close
professional friend.
Scorpio
(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Sex:You set the office coffee pot on full boil when a
love affair sparks at work. Can you carefully mix
AstrologerCharlene business with pleasure? Career:Girlfriends in high
Lichtensteinis the places protect you from major catastrophes at work.
authorof Herscopes:Improve your relations and start to construct your
A Guideto Astrology master plan for world domination. Mwah-ha-ha.
forLesbians.
Getmoreat thestarry
eye.com
orcheckoutherblogat Sagittarius
(Nov.23-Dec.22)
thestarryeye.com.
Sex:A spur-of-the-moment vacation will not only
26
Icurve
bring you adventure and fun, it can also lead to crazy
romance. So travel alone or with your lovergrrl. No
matter what, you will not go hungry. Career:Make
your pitch to the power elite and see if they bite. You
have some great ideas that just need a push. Y<;mare
certainly getting tired of pulling.
Capricorn
(Dec.23-Jan.20)
Sex:There is something especially sexy and alluring
about you this June. Is it your body? Is it your
confidence? Whatever it is, bottle it and store it for
your next dry spell. Career:The revolution may not
be televised, but that doesn't mean you can't use the
media to get your ideas out there. Plan a campaign
and make your next move.
Aquarius
(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Sex:Focus on relationships---:making them, molding
them and strengthening them. Partners need some
love and attention, delivered in dollops, along with
wine and dinner. Career:Do you really know what
you want professionally, aside from an early and cushy
retirement? You need to win over a big boss. And that
means not being bossy.
Pisces(Feb.2o-March20)
Sex:Extra efforts in exercise and diet have dramatic
effects now. When you have it, flaunt it. When you
don't, find the lady who does and flaunt her. Career:
Develop more business partnerships this June. You'll
need the extra protection when you make your big
corporate move.
Aries(March21-April20)
Sex:Who is this vision of loveliness and sex appeal?
Make your best moves now, while you have the zest.
Romance comes easy to you. Of course, easy come
easy go. Career:Put in the elbow grease on the job
now. It may not make you No. 1 in the office but it will
protect you from being counted as No. 100.
Taurus
(April21-May21)
Sex:Make your home a love nest and see which little
bird you can coax into sitting on your eggs. Before
you know it, life can look sunny-side up-or is it ~
scrambled? Career:
It is amazing how much time you gj
can waste at work this June. Fun and office games it:
have their appeal, but be sure they also appeal to the ~~
big bosses. ■
~
Relationships ADVICE
like you're there together. She can listen to
it repeatedly and you will be topping off her
chart every night, just as if you were there.
2. PutIt in YouriCal:You must always have a
meet date on the calendar to look forward
to. During your hiatus apart, both of you
should take the same kind of lessons at
the same time. For example, learn the same
dance, how to make the same spicy cuisine
or how to macrame. Then, meet in the
middle after eight weeks and tango the night
away. Generate heat together in the kitchen.
Exchange macrame thongs. You're creating
something together while you're apart and
that will keep things fresh.
Long Distance Lovin' 2.0
' Fourways to make yourromancelast
in the digitalage. By Kate Lacey
Girl meets virtual girl. It's the love story of our
generation, and the matchmaker of the 21st
century is Bill Gates. With the advent of the
Internet, miles melt away right beneath your
fingertips. You can see her lovely face frozen
in time on Facebook. You can hear The Ellen
DeGeneresShow in stereo as you watch it
together via simultaneous DVR screenings.
You can chat for hours and hours while
staring into her beautiful eyes via Skype. While
the days of writing letters and having them
delivered via snail mail have been trumped
in our electronic age, there is still something
to be said for having physical accessibility
to your lover. Nonstop texting, tweeting,
posting, emailing and voice mails may give
a greater sense of day-to-day immediacy
than ever before; however, the same age-old
issues of physicality, insecurity and absence
still exist, just as they have since the days of
exchanging smoke signals from one mountain
top to another. Don't be fooled by the way her
avatar in SecondLife gazes lovingly at yours.
You will need to take extraordinary steps in
order for this long-distance digital love of
yours to beat the odds. Here are four ways
to keep things in your virtual romance fresh,
spicy and emotionally satisfying.
1. AuralAffection:
Here's an old-school idea.
In the dark ages (after 8-tracks but before
CDs), there was the dawning of the mix
tape. This was a revolutionary way to fill her
heart with lesbian anthems and an earnest
soundtrack set to the beat of your heart.
These days, you can take the mix CD to the
next level. Get ah inexpensive microphone
at your office supply store, insert your own
Remember,the photoyou
take couldone day end
up on her Facebookwall...
But what is lovewithout
risk?What is intellectual
propertywithouta sweetly
written,perfume-scented
legalwaiver?
MP3 of you petting the kitty, working the
field, mining for gold, saying her name and
filling in your own soundtrack of moans and
groans. Reach that climax, add a giggle and
a loving sentiment or two and it'll be just
3. Quid Pro Quo:Every two weeks, swap
intimate fantasies with your girl. Your
assignment will be to take a photograph of
yourself that fulfills her fantasy in some way.
Get a tripod and do this digitally-but
be
sure you are comfortable with how explicit
you get in your picture. You don't need to
get too nasty to pique her interest and get
her going (unless you want to). Be artsy,
be creative, but remember, the photo you
take could one day end up on her Facebook
wall and your loving video could easily be
the next YouTube craze. But what is love
without risk? What is intellectual property
without a sweetly written, perfume-scented
legal waiver?
4. Make It Memorable:Writing to each
other is fine, but if you never meet, then
you are just pen pals who talk dirty. You
have to set up meetings that are special and
meaningful. If you both drive 200 miles just
to watch America'sNext Top Model reruns
in a T ravelodge, you are missing a golden
opportunity. Create memorable moments
with plenty of photos and videos. Take a
train ride, go up in a hot air balloon, jump
out of a plane or dip each other in latex just
to watch it dry. Life is too short and your
time together is even shorter, so make it
memorable and about more than just getting
your needs met between the sheets. Because
you can't do that with one hand hovering on
your motherboard. ■
June 2010
I27
DYKE
DRAMA
Ten Ways to Survive Pride
These expert tips will make this year's festivities a rousing success.
By Michele Fisher
real work, like food booths. You are not
going to get much action smelling like
falafel and sweat. Whatever you do, don't be
the manager of a booth. You want to be one
of the selfish little jerks that flirts and chats
all day and leaves the others with the bulk
of the work.
For you betrothed ladies, you will be the
responsible ones in the booth. Working a
booth is a great way to be a part of the action
without wearing out your feet. You get a sense
of accomplishment and purpose and maybe
some new friends too.
For you booth owners, make sure you
pick the right mix of single girl eye candy to
attract patrons and married lady workers so
that your booth doesn't get abandoned or
dismantled by a brawl.
2. Volunteer
Maybe you can't find a booth to
work, no bother, every Pride in the world
has to beg for volunteers each year. Those
volunteer meetings are a great way to hook up
as well. But just like the booth, and sex with
a new partner, you must choose your position
carefully. It is very cool to be stationed along
the parade route directing pedestrian traffic
("Right this way ladies") but not to clean-up
after the police horses ("Did you see me, cute
lady? I was the one with the pink shovel and
rubber boots:')
For me, Gay Pride is like Christmas, New
Year's and Halloween all globbed together in
one sweet, delicious, rainbow-colored popcorn ball. However, as wonderful as Pride is,
just like the more traditional holidays it brings
pressure and stress. Everybody wants to know
what you are doing and who you're doing it
with. How many parties will you attend and
what will you wear? Who is your ex bringing?
The pressure to not just have fun, but to have
the best Pride ever is enormous.
Whether you enjoy your big gooey ball
of Pride or choke on it depends on your
2s
Icurve
approach. After many a year of ringing in the
Pride festivities, these are my best tips for a
bang-up Pride celebration:
1. Worka boothat the celebration.
For you
single gals, being in a booth at Pride is like
having a female delivery service. Don't pick
some sad sack organization that is going to
make girls cry and you look like a heel for
hunting from the booth. You want cool, hip
and current-and
a little beat to gyrate to
wouldn't be a bad thing either.
Beware of staffing booths that require
3. Sunscreen.
You've got to keep your skin
healthy, it's not like you can just iron out the
wrinkles later. Besides, you don't want to
show up to work with sunburn if you called
in sick to attend Pride.
4. Bewareofthesunandalcoholcombo.
Alone,
each is dangerous but together they can be
deadly. If sunstroke and alcohol poisoning a
don't get you, the footage of you on YouTube ~
u
certainly will. Remember, it is called Gay ~
u
Pride, not Homosexual Humiliation Day.
2
au
l
5.Avoidoutfitdisasters.
That red Lycra catsuit
~
~
was a great idea in the store, but you didn't
plan on those drippy half moons of sweat
tinder your armpits, butt cheeks and boobs.
Yuck. Poor .kitty, you thought you would
slink into somebody's bed, but instead you
are headed alone to the litter box.
If you think you may find yourself hopping
on stage to shimmy 'commando" style in a
sarong, consider a Brazilian wax. And for the
drag kings, remember glue melts when it's
warm, so keep a close watch on the whereaJ,outs of your sideburns and moustaches, as
they tend to wander.
question is not that hard. Perhaps you are
somewhere in between-but
forgot to tell
your lover.
If you are thinking of ditching your woman
and going to Pride with someone else, plan to
get busted. Somebody, who knows somebody,
who knows your girlfriend, is going to see you
and tell on you before you have a chance to
buy that rainbow snow cone for the new gal.
And don't bring a date at all if you are
hoping to meet women. Asking a girl to Pride
is like asking her to the prom. You brought
her, she expects to be with you the entire day
and then leave with you when it's all over. She
6. Touristsare the ticket to a thrillingPride. does not expect you to chase other women.
They don't know you, so they will be more
Really, every year I watch the same scenario
likely to succumb to your charms than the play out again and again and I wonder what
local girls who are onto your shtick. Invent
these dopey dykes are thinking.
someone fabulous and be,...<her for the
Do you really think your woman is going
weekend. Who cares if you are lying, so to be OK with you exchanging info or saliva
is she. You're looking to get lucky and the with another woman? Disrespecting her in
tourist is looking for a free place to stay front of half a million people is neither the
during Pride. Everybody is a winner!
time nor the place to approach her about an
open relationship.
7. Knowyourmaritalstatus.Are you single,
engaged or married? Well, come on, the 8. Water.Not vodka in a water bottle, but
II
actual H20. Nobody likes a dry dyke. When
you get dehydrated you get crabby and you
get a headache and become a real party
pooper and we don't want to hear it.
But staying hydrated means you better ...
9. Scopeouta bathroom
beforetheeventI say
bust out that festive purple velvet stovepipe
hat topped with a toilet paper roller. The girls
will find you irresistible, particularly if you
hang around the port-a-jonnies.
Better yet, don't you have an elderly shut-in
relative who lives along the parade route?
Schedule a visit on Pride day and bring a few
dozen friends.
10. Hop on a float. So you didn't get it
together in time to work a booth and you
missed the volunteer meetings because you
overslept-three
weeks in a row. You can
still hitch a ride on a float. Floats are perfect
for those attention-seeking missile types.
But look before you leap. You don't want
to be flashing your hooters on the PFLAG
float or sporting that leather thong on the
Vegans for Vaginas entry. ■
~l!M:t\!lc~I
*WomantestSept7-12
June 2010 j 29
OUTINFRONT
Out of the
Mainstream
Three women who challenge
the dominant paradigm.
By Sheryl Kay
"They usually represent the interests of
wealthy LGBT people ... the very people who
have the luxury and resources to wait 30 more
years for rights and benefits;' says Wolf, adding
that "the world looks mighty different from
behind the wheel of a Chevy than from the
driver's seat of a Mercedes:'
Sexuality and Socialism:History, Politicsand
Theoryof LGBT Liberation,Wolf is currently
working with organizers to build Equality
Across America (EAA), a national network
of grassroots activist groups, believing that
the 'corporate-dominated groups such as the
HRC" don't have either the vision or the will
to mobilize people in the streets.
30
Icurve
Making the Invisible Visible.
SwHching
Battlegrounds
Increasing
lnclusivity
LourdesTorresknows what it's like to be
GoingGrassroots
No matter how outre and outrageous your sex
life is, Sherry
Wolfwill tell you it's not the route
to liberation.
"Some radicals seem to reduce liberation to
selfexpression, but when you've got to make
the car payment, feed the kids, pay the rent
and find a way of covering your root canal
bill, fist fucking and two-sided dildos aren't a
means toward liberation;' says Wolf, a longtime member of the International Socialist
Organization.
Wolf says that the LGBT community can't
afford to separate sexual oppression from the
system that promotes malicious homophobia
and repressive legislation, namely capitalism.
The same negative ideas about LGBT people
serve to justify lower wages for women and
gays, and the nuclear family, she believes,
is an ideal incubator for gender norms and
provides a cheap way for the rich to offload
social needs like child care onto the backs of
working people.
Having just penned her latest book,
LGBT issues and people are a much bigger
part of mainstream culture today.
Keep an eye out for Torres' upcoming
book on queer Puerto Rican women's narratives, tentatively titled BoricuasRepresenting:
oppressed by the dominant culture. "Latina
lesbians are members of two oppressed
groups;' says Torres, a professor of Latin
American Studies at DePaul University."Both
Latinas and lesbians are subjected to discrimination and prejudice, so, as a member of two
marginalized groups-three if you count being
a woman-your challenges are multiple:'
Because of cultural and linguistic differences,
Torres says Latinas often don't feel welcome in
mainstream queer organizations, so they are
organizing and creating groups such as Amigas
Latinas, a supportive advocacy group of which
Torres is an executive board member.
"We are challenging both the queer,
middle-class, mostly Anglo, LGBT movement and the heterosexual Latino and
Latina community to be more responsive to
our needs;' says Torres.
Torres points to feminist Latina lesbians
Cherrie Moraga and Gloria Anzaldua as two
big influences on her life. "We participate in
multiple communities and we are demanding
that our issues be addressed in all of these
communities:'
Torres, who just turned 50, says she is often
struck by the degree to which the world has
changed for young people regarding gay and
lesbian issues. She reports that her students
today are muc~ more aware of LGBT issues
than when she was in college, noting that
Poverty can have its advantages, says
Josephine Ho, whose early life of hardship growing up in Taiwan taught her to be
aggressive but pragmatic, two things that
have helped her through some tough times.
On the surface, Taiwan appears to be a
society attentive to equal rights, but Ho
tells of police raids on gay house parties and
obscenity charges against the sale of gay
publications. Both, she says, are common.
For Ho, who is a professor of English at
the National Central University in Chungli,
it may have been her academic credentials
that insulated her from legally enforced
prejudices-that is, until 2003, when she was
brought up on obscenity charges for creating
an academic online sexuality data bank. After
an 18-month legal battle, she was exonerated.
Since that time, Ho has worked tirelessly in
Taiwan-and on the international front-on
behalf of local organization and mobilization
for the anti-war, anti-globalization, antinuclear-plant movements and, most recently,
the anti-social-exclusion movement.
While she says LGBT civil rights have
been gaining in the cultural sphere for a while,
right-wing Christians have now switched the
battleground to the legal realm.
"In that sense, I would encourage young
people who may be interested in the study of
law to pursue a career in that field and start a
revolution from within the belly of the beast;'
says Ho. "We need well-trained professionals
to help fight on this new battleground:' ■
POLITICS
Claiming Our Identity
Taking pride in our queerness. By Victoria A. Brownworth
Writing about Pride Month often seems a
variation on those elementary school essays on
"How I Spent My Summer Vacation:' I think
of Pride as a time not just of celebration but
also of reflection. As a historian, an activist
and a journalist, Pride makes me think not so
much about how far weve come, but about all
that we have not yet achieved.
It's easy to focus all our attention on the
acronyms DADT and DOMA, which tend to
stop us in our tracks when we start thinking
about civil rights. But if we had marriage
equality and military equity tomorrow, wed
still have to address other, less obvious elements
of Pride.
Months ago, when I first saw Colin Firth's
Oscar-nominated performance in A Single
Man, I thought about how fortunate I was
to have come out as a teenager soon after
Stonewall. I never had to go through life in
the closet.
In A SingleMan, Firth's character, George
Falconer, is emotionally tortured after Jim, his
partner of 16 years and the love of his life, is
killed in a car wreck. Instead of being able to
grieve his loss, George must hide it. The film
32
Icurve
is set in the 1960s when there was no societal
recognition of what these men were to each
other. None. The allegedly "single' manreally a widower-leads half a life because his
real life is unacceptable.
But what is most shocking is how little has
changed in 40 years. Many queers still live
"lives of quiet desperation'' and self~loathing.
One reason for this is because "Pride' is something that is neither endemic to nor intrinsic
in our culture-while homophobia is both.
In 1973, the year after I graduated from
high school, the DSM (Diagnostic and
StatisticalManual of Mental Disorders)finally
dropped homosexuality from its list of
mental illnesses. That was a couple of years
late for me. I had already been incarcerated
in a psychiatric hospital at age 15 for being a
lesbian. Being queer was a mental illness that
therapy and drugs would change-or at least
that was the theory at the time.
I was not the only teenage lesbian in the
place, nor was I the only lesbian I knew of who
would end up there. Two of my best friends
from high school were incarcerated for being
queer, just as I had been. As I got older, I met
many other lesbians and gay men who'd had
the same experience of having "treatment"
forced on them in mental hospitals.
How often does this still happen? It's
slightly more difficult to put your teenager in
a mental hospital than it was when I was a
kid, but only slightly. Laws now protect adults
from "inessential" incarceration in mental
hospitals, but parents can still do what they
want with their children under the guise of
helping them. A 72-hour hold can easily turn
into lengthy reparative therapy.
Reparative or conversion therapy (the very
name makes clear how wrong its proponents
find being queer) asserts that sexual orientation can be changed.
The National Association for Research &
Therapy of Homosexuality is an organization
that believes in the ability to change a
person's sexual identification. By their own
account, they are "a professional, scientific
organization that offers hope to those who
struggle with unwanted homosexuality:' On
their home-page NARTH states, "As an
organization, we disseminate educational
information, conduct and collect scientific
research, promote effective therapeutic treat~
ment, and provide referrals to those who seek
our assistance:'
NARTH will be holding a convention
and training institute in Philadelphia this
November. The group has developed such
a large following that it is now publishing
its journal in Spanish as well as English and
doing global recruiting. One member of the
NARTH board, Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, has
appeared on the Dr. Phil show to debunk the
idea that sexual orientation is innate.
The group presents itself as a scientifically
based organization. Its president and board of
officers are doctors, Ph.D.s and M.A.s. They
argue the "science"of how same-sex attraction
is just a psychosocial misfiring which can be
corrected with therapy.
That was the "science" in 1971, when my
parents put me in a mental hospital to 'cure"
me. It didn't work. Nor did it work for the
',i
many friends, acquaintances and colleagues ~
of mine who had similar experiences.
cJl
Yet 41 years post-Stonewall and 36 years i
since the DSM revised its pathological
a:
depiction of homosexuality, societal attitudes ;i
C/J
remain stuck in a time warp.
~
~
In the larger society-as well as in portions a:
~
of our own _community-the assertion that
same,sex orientation is a choice, not some,
thing as immutable and thus unchangeable
as the color of one's skin continues to be
promulgated. There certainly is no convention
and training session anywhere in America
this year for the "conversion" of blacks and
Latinos into whites. If there were, the outrage
would be universal ( even, one presumes,
among racists). There are also no groups
espousing that heterosexuals change, repair
or convert their orientation to queer.
Where is the outrage over the lie that
lesbians and gay men have chosen to be queer
and thus can just as easily and readily choose
not to be so? Or should do so?
Can we have a true celebration of some,
thing called "Pride'' if a percentage of our
own queer demographic continues to want
to "cure" itself? And what about all the kids
growing up lesbian and gay who are being
sent the same message that I was sent-that
being queer is anomalous and that anomalies
are wrong? Will those kids end up in psych
wards to be "fixed" because the pressure
to be "normal" was just too great and they
attempted suicide?
Pride is about learning to accept ourselves
for who we are-queer. Some of us completed
that journey years ago. Others, who are still in
the closet or still trying to "cure" themselves,
continue to be haunted by the homophobic
message that we are not fully realized people.
Politicians and public figures are regularly
caught in gay scandals. Why? Because so
many of us don't accept ourselves or one
another if we are not straight.
Pride is a double,edged sword. We can
have our celebrations, but we also must
recognize that the work begun at Stonewall
is far from over.
With Pride comes responsibility-the
responsibility to continue to fight the
damaging misrepresentations of who we
are, just as we once fought the DSM for
pathologizing our love of one another.
Forty,one years after Stonewall it's not that
we are still being denied our civil rights and
equal standing in society, but that we are
still being told we can and should choose to
be something other than who we are.
Celebrate Pride, but keep on fighting,
because the battle for our full personhood
has yet to be won. ■
GLENNDATESTONETAKESTHE LEAD
Glee,TheL Wordandthe art collective
FiercePussy-a standardinterviewwith
the newexecutivedirectorof the world's
secondlargestLGBTcommunitycenter
usuallywouldn'tcovertopicslikethese,
but Glennda
Testoneisn't youraverage
exec.LastSeptember,
Testonestepped
upto leadthe Lesbian,Gay,Bisexualand
Transgender
Community
Centerin New
YorkCity.Smart,savvyandjust 34 years
old,Testoneis thefirst womanto helm
the Center.
AstheCenter's
firstlesbianexecutive
director,
whataresomeofyourbiggest
goalsfortheCenter?
TheCenterwelcomes6,000peopleevery
weekand morethan 300,000people
everyyear.That'sa lot, buttherearestill
so manypeoplewhodon'tknowabout
all we haveto offer.I wanteveryLGBT
personin the NewYorkareato knowthey
canturnto usfor the servicestheyneed.
Whatdoyouplanto doforthelesbian
communityyouservein particular?
Manylesbianandbisexualwomencome
to theCenterto dealwithcancerdiagnoses,
startingfamiliesor comingout,so
we'vecreatedprogramsto meetthese
specificneeds.Thelesbiancommunity
hasdonean amazingjob buildingsupport
networks,butthere'sstill so muchto do.
Thewomenin ourcommunityreallyneed
to helpeachotherno matterwherewe
happento be onourjourneys.
Yourpredecessor,
RichardBurns,led
theCenterfor22 years,soyouwere12
whenhetookthejob.ls thiswhatyou
thoughtyou'dgrowupto bewhenyou
werethatage?
Absolutelynot.WhenI wasyounger,I
wasbusysuckingupto myteachersthinkRachelin Glee,but hopefullyless
annoying-anddreamingof becomingthe
nextMaryLouRetton.I thoughtmyfuture
wouldbegymnastics
andboyfriends,
and
thena husband.Boy,wasI wrong.
WhatplansdoyouhavefortheCenter's
famousodeto maleanatomy,
theKeith
Haringbathroom?
Peoplecomefromall overthe world
to seeHaring'sfloor-to-ceiling
penis
paintings,so I thinkthe bestthingI can
do to honorhis memoryis to ensurewe
preserveit as bestwe can.Wedo have
an all-genderbathroomfeaturingartwork
by FiercePussy,a queerwomen'sartist
collective.It's notas well-knownas
I thought my future
would be gymnastics
and boyfriends, and
then a husband.
Boy, was I wrong.
Haring'swork,yet,but I lovethat the
Centeris a placewherepeoplecanfind
imagesandtakeactionthat celebratesall
kindsof sexualityandgenderexpression.
Finally,perhaps
themostimportant
question
of all: TheL Wordis over-may
it restinpeace-butif youcouldbeanyone
ontheshow,whowouldit beandwhy?
I wouldbe HelenaPeabody,
hands-down.
I wouldusemymother'sfortuneto write
a hugecheckto the Centerso every
memberof the LGBTcommunityin New
Yorkwouldalwayshavea safe,welcoming
placeto call home-no dance-a-thons
required.[Gretchen
Dukowitz]
June 2010
j
33
ITRIED
IT
No Fear of Flying
Two women glide through the Hawaiian skies.
By Gillian Kendall
A 23-year-old woman with boy-short hair
and cut offs was strapping me into a fourpoint harness. Even though it was my first
time, Original Glider Rides pilot Meagan
Nauman gave me the front place in our twoperson sailplane.
"See those things by your feet?" Nauman
pointed to pedals that loo~ed like the clutch
and brake in a car."They're the rudders. Don't
let your foot touch them. And don't let your
legs brush against this:' She tapped the long,
straight shaft with the rounded knob sticking
up between my thighs. "This is the control:' I
refrained from pointing out the obvious, and
I think she was relieved. Flying planes since
age 19, Nauman has probably heard too
many stupid jokes about control sticks.
I remembered to keep my knees bent and
legs apart, fighting my femme tendencies
to cross and tuck. "But if I'm sitting here;' I
said, "how are you going to steer and everything:'" I was trying not to sound nervous,
but I needed to know how she meant to keep
our aircraft up and away from the cliff.
Hopping into place behind me, Nauman
said, ''I've got dual controls in back. Don't
worry-you're
gonna love it:' Over our
34
I curve
heads, she lowered a clear plastic "bubble
top;' which was like the visor on a motorcycle
helmet. Then the orange tow plane ahead of
us started its propellers, and soon we were
skimming down the runway, pulled by a thin,
frayed nylon rope.
"Feel that:"'Nauman called over my shoulder.
"Were already in the air! The glider's so light,
it's floating before the plane even takes off.' As
I tried to figure out the aerodynamics, the tow
plane lifted off and then pulled us skywards at a
gentle angle. Soon I could see all of Dillingham
Airfield, and then roads, houses and the top of
the cliff.And since we were gliding over North
Oahu, Hawaii, half the view below us was
Pacific Ocean: a vast mosaic of sharply defined
pockets of blue.
"We're heading for that hole;' Nauman
instructed, and for a second I was afraid she
meant a deep turquoise pool I was gazing
at, but then she pointed out a break in the
cloud cover.
I couldn't take it all in at once, and kept
turning my head to see the fields of sugar cane,
ragged cliffs, and the palm tree lined stretches
of pale sand. The Waianae Mountains uolled
into the distance, revealing the little town of
Waialua, and up the coast lay the famous
surf beach, Pipeline, and Waimea Bay.
As we rose, Nauman chatted about the
dials in front of me: An altimeter and some
indicators for air speed and vertical height.
When we'd reached 3,000 feet-the perfect
height for sightseeing-Nauman
released
the line that held us to the tow plane. Having
been told to expect a sharp drop, I braced
myself, but the glider stayed level and then
slowly gained altitude as we rode a thermal,
a rising bubble of warm air. Nauman told
me later that she'd done a "soft release" since
it was my first time, and she didn't want to
make me nervous.
And amazingly, I wasn't nervous. In the
little craft, which weighed only 970 pounds,
I could feel the strong air currents buoying us
up, and I was no more afraid of falling than if
I'd been floating on water. With the tow plane
gone, our glide was as quiet as riding a bike.
"Do you want to make a turn?" she asked.
"Go for it!" I said, expecting her to take us
inland.
"No, you make it. Move the stick gently to
the right;' she said. "It's really sensitive:'
Not wa~ting to slam us to the ground, I
applied two fingertips to the control.
"No, go ahead and take hold of it. Don't
be scared:'
I edged the stick sideways an inch, and
the glider smoothly rotated. Nauman did
something to keep our wings even, and then
we were heading back the way we'd come.
Too soon Nauman pointed the nose down to
start our slow descent. "See how that feels:"'she
asked. Even at a few feet above the asphalt, the
uplift was sure and steady."We could keep going
all the way down this runway and then get back
up again;' she said."We could stay up all day:'
"Let's do it!" I said.
Nauman laughed. "Nah, sorry, that was
almost an hour. I'm going to put us down on
that X, right there:' Seconds later, she did. We
taxied in and climbed out, and I stood on the
empty runway for a while, not ready to leave.
Thrilled by gliding, I was also moved by the ease
and skill of the young woman who, having just
taken me for the ride of my life,was then cheerfully pushing her aircraft into its hangar. My
first glider ride had been even more stunning
than I'd expected, and as in other things, it
was nice to have an experienced lesbian pilot
at the helm. ■
Toplcal,.....aad
tlcb.ftw.lllOlq ...........
...
feraonlllly ... ondapand
7weeksofqe
weighing
[;he'g a
•
•
•
ou~tfty.
• •
S COUNTRY MUSIC star Chely Wright stood
Photos by
Michael
Granberry and
Laura Crost
Hair and
makeup by
Cherie Combs
36
Icurve
Why coming out took so long
for musician Chely Wright.
in front of a stadium of thousands of her
screaming fans, belting out 1999's girl-power
rallying anthem, "Single White Female;' she had
no idea that the Sex and the City-style country
hit-which
spoke directly to the joys and
frustrations of single women everywhere-would skyrocket
that summer to top three music charts (including No. 1 on
Billboard)and become the best-selling record in the nation.
However, Wright's "overnight" success was anything but.
She had been performing in Nashville for a decade already
(starting as a teen at Opryland), and even had her first Top
·20 hit from her third album ("Shut Up and Drive"). But
1999 was the year it all turned for Chely Wright. Soon she
topped other charts-People's 50 Most Beautiful People list,
FHMs' Sexiest Women in Music-and she was collaborating,
on stage and off, with some of the country's most eligible
bachelors like Vince Gill, Brad Paisley, Brett Favre and Troy
Aikman. She performed around the globe, entertained the
military troops, gained awards and mainstream success and
maintained her belief in God, family and apple pie. It was
everything Wright had dreamed about since she was a little
girl in Wellsville, Kan. all those years ago.
Then on January 26, 2006, Wright pulled down a 9mm
handgun from her closet, stood in front of a mirror, put the
muzzle in her mouth and prayed. Why? Because after years
oflying and hiding and pretending, country music star Chely
. Wright could no longer keep her big secret: she was gay.
Today, 39-year-old Wright is alive and well and ready
to tell the world that she's a lesbian, even if by doing so she
becomes a flashpoint for debate among country music fans.
Because while some country crooners like Garth Brooks and
Dolly Parton have preached tolerance and gay-friendliness,
the music industry known simply as "Nashville" has never
seen an openly gay country music star. (Though k.d. lang
made an early record in Nashville, the traditional world of
country music never embraced the androgynous vegetarian
as one of their own, and she had long abandoned the country
genre before coming out in 1992).
Wright has just released a memoir, Like Me, which talks
about juggling her secret sexuality with music stardom, and
her new album, Lifted Off the Ground, which tackles some
of the same territory in occasionally haunting, always
evocative lyricism.
New York lesbian filmmakers Bobbie Birleffi and Beverly
Kopf (see sidebar pg. 38) are even documenting Wright's life
for a film on her coming out and the subsequent fallout in
Nashville, the Buckle of the Bible Belt and in the Midwest,
where the singer is from.
But for Wright, the woman who thrilled troop members
in Korea, Kuwait, Germany, Iraq and even a remote military
outpost in Afghanistan; who was (unwittingly) embraced by
the Boy Scouts, Disney and the religious right for her good
American values; the girl who made a pact with God that
she'd never sin if she could make it to the Grand 01' Opry;
the teen who became a homecoming queen and, years later,
the American Legion's Woman of the Year; the country girl
who cried when she met Loretta Lynn; the woman who hasn't
even told her own motherthat she's gay-for that woman, the
stakes are high. Wright knows that today is the first day of a
new life, and it is today, in these pages, that the woman with
seven country music albums and millions of fans worldwide
finally finds her voice.
Let'sget rightto the bigquestion.Whendidyourealizeyouwere
a lesbian?
I knew when I was 4 that I was different, but I wasn't able
to identify what that difference was until third grade. And I
knew when I was 9 that it was that I was gay.
So this has beeninthe backof yourmindfora verylongtime.
I wouldn't say the back of my mind, no. There are a lot of
people who know they are gay and they just really deny
themselves and don't even act on it. I'm happy to say that ... I
didn't hide that much. I had relationships, but I was as fully
in the closet as one can be. It's been hard. But I knew enough
to know who I am. I have known it beyond a shadow of a
doubt since I was in third grade.
Whatbroughtyouto the pointof comingoutpublicly?
~
ffi
en
(Inhales] Well, I almost died. The hiding almost killed me. I
had pretty masterfully ... painted myself into a corner. I'd made ~
a deal .;fth God early on that I'll go without love in my life, ~
t)
just give me music. But when you're 9 years old and brokering 5E
i
deals with God about what you will and won't do, and you
don't realize the importance of love and companionship in
your life, one really shouldn't be held to those deals.
Asa kid,youalsomadea pactwithGodto keepyoursinning
toa
minimum
if youcouldjustmakeit to theGrand01'Opry.
Many of the deals I cut with God, I kept. I never smoked
a cigarette, never did a drug. I never got into any trouble. I
was a straight-A student. I'm a bit of a rule follower, kind
of a Captain Safety, super nerd, honestly. But ... God gave
me enough understanding that even though the preacher at
church was saying [being gay] is a building block of evil and
sin, I had an understanding with God. Once I knew I was
spiritually OK, I still knew that I had to hide. I wanted to be
a country music singer. And still to this day, there has never
been a country music singer that has had hit records that has
acknowledged his or her homosexuality. I just knew that I
wouldn't have gotten that record contract. I knew I wouldn't
have gotten those hit records. I just felt like I had to hide and,
quite frankly, I look back on it now and I still believe that I
did what I had to do.
Eventhoughsomecountrymusicstarshavebeensupportive
of
gaysand lesbians,
Nashville
still isn'ta gay-friendly
industry.
MartinaMcBridejusttoldOutmagazine
thatshejustcouldn't
imagine
countrymusicaccepting
anopenlygaystar.
Those artists who have supported the gay community, it's
remarkable that they say that. When I hear things like that, it
makes me really happy and proud. But ... there's a huge divide
between someone saying, "We support the gay community;'
and some country artists saying, "Love the sinner and hate
the sin;' and that makes my skin crawl because I am a
Fordecades,
countrymusicstarChelyWright
hada shadow:
thespecterof herhidden
sexuality
thatshecouldn't
daretellanyone.
Theselastfew monthsshe'shada different
kindofcompanion:
lesbian
filmmakers
Bobbie
BlrlefflandBeverlyKopf,whoaremaking
a documentary
aboutWright'scomingout,
tentativelytitled WishMeAway.
Emmyaward-winner
Birleffihasproduced,
directed
andwrittenbiographies
forA&E,Bravo,
Lifetime,PBSandmore,andhasworkedasa
producer
for showslikeMiamiInkandRachel
Zoe.In 2000,sheandKopfbecame
business
partnerstoo,bycreatingTVgals,
Inc.
Thecompany
hasproduced
numerous
projects,
Including
the2005documentary
BeReal:StoriesfromQueerAmericaandthe
behind-the-scenes
OWfeaturettes
forJulie
Taymor's
AcrosstheUniverse.
KopfherselfIs
anEmmyaward-winning
writerof TheVisw,
anda writerandproducer
whohas wor1<ed
oneverything
fromrealityshowsto long-form
documentaries.
Wright'sstorydrewthemin Immediately.
"Of
381 curve
sinner, but this is not one of my sins.
DoyouthinkthatMartina's
wrong?
I sadly don't think she's wrong. You know, Martina is from
the salt of th~ earth Midwest, just like I am. She's a Kansas
girl. All the country stars that I know, we all hail pretty much
from small town America. Small town America doesn't
necessarily mean the Midwest. It really basically means
anywhere 40 minutes outside of a major metropolitan area
and that's pretty much conservative America. By and large,
country music is about faith, family and country-and
I
have to say, that's what I am about, too. I just knew my
being gay, people would have a hard time connecting
the dots. I don't want to be pessimistic but I don't think
[Martina's] wrong.
k.d.langstartedoutin countrymusic,butbythetimeshecame
outshewasdoingpop.Yournewalbumis definitely
country.
I don't know if [k.d. lang] ever considered herself a country
artist. Although she made a record in Nashville early on, she
never had a hit country record ... Gosh, what an incredible,
phenomenal talent. My career is and always has been country
and only country.
Canyoubea bridgebetween
theLGBT
community
andNashville?
I feel uniquely positioned. You know, somebody's got to be
the first mainstream commercial country artist to stand up. I
think people in Middle America get such a skewed interpretation of what gays and lesbians are, and I think a lot of times a
parent doesn't want their child to reveal to them that they're
gay because they just don't want their kid to have a hard time
in society. They think their kid is going to end up some kind of
freakshow and most of the gays and lesbians that I know are
everything
thatwe"vedone... we bothbelieve
thatthisis theprojectwehavewaitedtor,i'says
Kopf."Because
she is thefirst to comeoutIn
countrymusic,andbecause
sheis soarticulate
andappealing,
andbecause
we havebeengiven
accessto herprocessas It unfolds...we believe
thatourfilm will reachintotheheartsand
mindsof anaudience
ourcommunity
seldom
reaches.
Chely'scomingoutwill bea turning
pointin thecultureof countrymusic,which
promotes
God,familyandcountryasIf thiswere
animagethatdoesnotincludemembers
of the
LGBT
community."
Thefilm capturestwoyearsof Wright'slifethrough
thewritingof herbook,therelease
of
her CDandherpreparation
tofacethemedia
whirlwind."Wewill alsobethereto catchthe
fall outwithfansandIndustry
executives,"
Kopf
admits."Thefilm explores
the natureof her
hidingand its consequences.
Manypeople,gay
orstraight,
willrelatetothispartofthestory.
All of ushavehiddensomething
in ourlive~or
something
aboutourselves
at somepoint."
BothlV galshavebeendrawntowomen's
stories."Welovewomenso it isn't hardto
maketheirstoriescompelling
andrevealing
andwe knewIt wasa film thatwe hadto
make,"Kopfsays.
Afterextraordlnarlly
longcareers
Inentertainment,they'vebothhaddefiningmoments.
"Becoming
theheadwriterof TheViswwasone
ofthem,"Kopfadmits.
"Because
I wasout,I was
in a uniquepositionto influence
theconversation
ofthewomen
sittingaround
thetableandI know
thatwetalkeda lotmoreaboutLGBT
Issues
with
a lot moredepthandunderstanding
thanwe
wouldhaveif I hadbeenInthecloset."
Fittingly,Birleffiis mostfascinated
bygoing
intounchartered
andriskyterritory."I have
madefilmsaboutthe MormonChurch,
child
molesters
andoil andgasdevelopment
in my
homestateof Wyoming,"
sherecalls,aswellas
hundreds
of segments
coveringcontroversial
issuesfromcrimeto the environment
"Butthis
Isthefirst timeI haveobserved
andexplored
the risksinvolvedin tryingto becomean
authentic
person
whileInthepubliceye.Chely
Isteachingusa lot aboutcourage."
[DAM]
just super-duper normal. But the footage that gets shown from
the gay Pride parade, it's like the media pulls the strangest, most
odd footage and shows that. And that-if it ends up on a small
town bit of news coverage-scares people the most.
There'sa certainsensationalism
to showingdragqueensand
menin buttless
chaps.
Not that that's not adorable and sweet. You know, there's a
wide berth of dynamic personalities and ways that people
live their lives in the gay community, just like there is in the
heterosexual community.
I knowa numberof countrymusiclisteners
whoarequeer,and
theysharea lotofsamevaluesasothercountry
fans.
I agree. I see them at my shows. I can't even tell you how
many times I wish I could just grab them in the audience line
and just whisper in their ear, 'Tm like you, and you're like
me:' It's the thing that has just eaten away at me. One of the
things I hear most, when [fans are asked], "What do you love
so much about country music artists?" Their answer for the
most part, Diane, is, "They're so honest and real:' And it kills
me when I hear that. Because the things that I've presented
to fans-small town girl from the Midwest, who is a good
solid gal, loves the troops-all of those things are real, true
things about me. I really am quite proud of who I am. I feel
like I have been a good steward of my life. I'm a good friend,
I'm a good sister, I have been a good partner-when
I've had
a partner. I feel like I'm a good person, but the one thing,
the one truth about me that I've held back is that I am gay
and I've been gay the entire time. And I feel like when they
say,"We just love Chely so much; she's so honest and real;' I
just-it feels like I can't even absorb that compliment. I feel
like I've committed such a crime against myself I've betrayed
myself and I can't do it anymore, and, obviously, it almost
killed me.
Let'stalkmoreaboutthat.
I was always afraid of being outed so I didn't even have that
underground network that a lot of celebrities in the closet
enjoy. That network where your publicist knows and your
manager knows and your friends know and you keep it on
the down-low. I had a partner for 12 years and we only told
two people in the entire time we were a couple. I wasn't just
in the closet, I was behind the sheetrock in the closet. I didn't
even tell my best friend. I didn't tell anyone, because the
minute you do, they have to lie for .you.
Howdidthesecrecy
impactyourrelationship?
It was an incredible strain on my partner and on me. Can you
imagine being someone's partner and having to be a secret?
You know, it's really hard, it's incredibly painful. And this was
t~e love of my life, and to this day I struggle. I mean, I lost
her because of it. She wasn't out either, she didn't think that
fil
I could come out. We were just in a no-win situation ... and
(!)
~ we knew it. We did therapy. We did all the things we could
do and we continued to basically Band-Aid a gaping flesh
§ wound. We didn't know how to fix it.
a:
::, Didanyone
confront
youaboutbeinggay?
:5
15 At one point, I felt like I was about to be outed. Another
~ artist in country music kind of got me alone and caustically
~ asked me, "You're not gay, are you? People say you're gay:'
§
And I really felt really scared. This is in 2005 and he was
really spewing a lot of venom, and he is a powerful figure in
the Nashville music community and, for the first time ever,
I lied. I'd never had to answer the question. I had put myself
in a position to never be asked the question, much to the
detriment of my relationships in the industry. I think people
thought I was ... antisocial because I just didn't hang around
and fraternize with other people because I was so in hiding.
So, he asked me and I felt threatened and said, "Nope, no, I'm
not gay:' And he said, "Good, because that's deviant and sick
and country music fans won't have it:'
This sent me into a cyclone, into a spiral. I went home and
stewed for a couple of days and my partner said, "What is going
ant And I told her and it scared her ... and it set into motion
[our breakup]. We sold our house, moved into different houses.
I really thought [we'd] exist as a couple in different houses and
it just didn't work out that way. It ruined us, and shortly after
that I just went into a deep, deep depression. I realized I had
painted myself into a corner. I had amassed relative wealth
and success and fame and I was doing everythihg I ever said I
wanted to do and I realized that none of it matters.
I might get a little emotional about it. I have never t~ked
about it, this is only the second day I've ever talked about any
of this, aside from having written my book. I realized I would
rather work in a grocery store bagging groceries and live in a
crappy little apartment with my partner. I would rather have
love in my life than any of this, and I lost it all. So how do I
find my way out of this? I realized as I sat with myself in the
first few weeks of 2006, I could not orchestrate life as much
as I tried ... ! couldn't mastermind a plan for how to get
myself out of this. There was no way to make my truth intersect
with the life I was living. I wasn't crazy, I wasn't unstable
and, quiet frankly, I had always judged people who I heard
had committed suicide or had attempted it. I judged them
unfairly, I have to say, and thought, Well, how weak of them
and how lacking in faith. I found myself unable to figure out
how to get myself out of the situation and I realized that I
had no choice. I was tired of fighting it.
June 2010
I39
I have a gun. My parents had gotten it for me after I
was mugged in '91 and I had never touched it. I got it out
and I took it downstairs. I have a 100-year-old house ... and
[around) the fireplace there are these beautiful ornate mirrors
built in. I don't know why I went to this particular part of
the foyer. I stood in front of that mirror and put the gun in
my mouth. I was looking at myself as if I was out of my body
and I thought, I wonder why am I not crying? Don't people
cry? Aren't I supposed to be breaking down? And I've said a
prayer to God to please forgive me for what I was about to
do and I thought of my partners and I thought of my dogs and
how warm sunlight would feel on my skin at that moment,
and I thought about music. And I honestly thought, I just
hope that my sister isn't the one to find me. Then I heard
something. Obviously it wasn't the snap of the trigger. It was
my heart beating in my head. It was my heartbeat just going,
crsh, crsh and then I looked in the mirror at myself and I
started to cry. And then I started to feel. ..
[Chely pauses, her voice breaking)
... to really just feel what my emotions were. And I took
the gun out of my mouth and I put it on the mantle and I
walked upstairs and I got into bed. I didn't know if I would
find myself back down there, but I knew that would not be
the night that I would do that. And then the next day... I got
on my knees in my bedroom and I didn't pray for a miracle,
I didn't pray for a:way to make people understand, I diqn't
pray for anything magic. I just prayed for God to give me a
moment's peace and I swear, Diane, the minute I asked for a
moment's peace and said I meant it, I got it. I didn't even have
to take inventory ...
YoujustknewI knew, the minute I got it, OK, I'm going to be OK. I won't
. be taking my own life-don't know how I'm going to get
through this, but ... I had the truth and I thought, Seriously,
God, am I really-am I coming out? Like, are you kidding
me? But I knew that this was God somehow telling me, "I've
been telling y~u all along:' You know a lot of people will
argue to me that my being gay is a sin. I disagree with them,
but I won't sit around and argue with them about that. The
one sin I do know and that's lying and God expects me to tell
the truth and I can't stand the thought of another 14-yearold kid or 18 year-old kid or a 45-year-old man sitting in his
basement with a gun. I can't do it. I won't do it.
I do know this: my. book will exist, my book does exist
and if there's a girl in Santa Fe, N.M. that is like me and she
can buy my book, and perhaps her dad has seen me in Iraq,
perhaps her mom or dad have come to my shows and think
that Chely Wright is a heck of a gal-if she can hand that
book to her mom and dad and say,"I need you to read this
and I need to talk to you:' By all measure, country music fans
have already signed off on me, they like me, and I'm uniquely
positioned to say, If you liked me before-it's still me.
That'ssuchan amazingstoryto share,andto feel likeyou've
alsogottendivineguidance
in coming
out.
I'm not a hyper religious person. I'd have to say I'm spiritual
and that's one of the things for which I'm most thankful, that
I've never doubted God's love in my life. And there was that
God that they were telling me to be afraid of in church and
then there was that God that comforted me when I was 9,
you know, that said, "I know who you are. I know. I made you.
You're OK:' You know church is really interesting-the
damage that organized religion does to young people. I met
a gal yesterday, when I was doing Access Hollywood, and the
hair and makeup gal she got really emotional when she said, "I
want to tell you I think what you're doing is great:' People get
confused that in L.A. everybody's cool about it and everybody in New York is cool about it, and it's not
true. And you know this.
Absolutely.
But she said,"I think what you're doing is great!
I have a friend, [and) their 15-year-old is being
shipped off to be reformed. We're in L.A., and
they're shipping him off:' I'm not suggesting that
everyone come out. I'm not, because it's scary.
And I'm not suggesting that it's scary only for
celebrities to come out-it's scary if you work
at Target, it's scary if you work at Citigroup on
Wall Street. All I'm saying is that it's incumbent
upon those of us who feel like they can do it, to
come out. I'm glad that I ended up at my rock
bottom. I don't ever want to be back to where I
was, with a gun in my mouth, but I. .. would not
have been talking to you today had I not had a
spiritual and emotional recalibration.
Your backgroundis so all-American-from
homecoming
queenin Kansasto the country
musicstar singingfor our troopsaroundthe ~
globe.Somewouldcallyoutheidealambassador~(.)
forthegayandlesbiancommunity.
Areyouready ii
to bea rolemodel?
5
40
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Thank you for saying that. I have to say that I am. I didn't
Twitter that I'm gay. I obviously wrote a book [knowing)
that I will be talking about this a lot. I'm prepared to do
it. I'm eagerto do it. For a while, perhaps, it might eclipse
who I am musically and, you know, I'm a musician first but
I feel incredibly honored to be able to be positioned to be
a part of this discussion. I can't spout off statistics about
be very, very dark. I like ending the record with "Shadows
of Doubt:' I like "Hang Out in Your Heart:' I like that it
was just a real snapshot of the journey that I had. And,
fortunately, I feel like it's my best work. I mean, every artist
says that about every project they've got, but I have never
made a truer record, for sure.
Is thisthe albumwhereyoujustfelt
completely
unabashed?
Yes. I mean, I've had glimmers
of where I've kind of snuck in
emotional truths from mysel£ It
doesn't mean that my other records
weren't genuine; you always find a
way to attach yourself emotionally,
which, you know, I did. I've been very attached to every
the gay community and equality in the workrecord I ever made. But, to be able to just fully submit
place, but I'm learning. I am ready to be a role
to the emotion of a project and not let my head get
model. It doesn't mean I won't mess up and say
in the way-I can't think of a better way to make art. I can't
the wrong thing or do the wrong thing at times. But I am imagine the greatest painters of all time editing themselves.
ready to stand up and tell my truth. And, in doing that,
I imagine that this will resonate in a way with the listener that
I'm incredibly excited to work with GLSEN and to go into
my other records have never resonated.
public schools and talk to kids.
Someof yourmostfamoussongs,like "SingleWhiteFemale,"
Coming
froma placeof honesty
hasthemostimpact.I'vebeen havelyricslike "lookingfor a manlikeyou."Didyoueverfeel
listening
tosomeofthetracksfromthenewalbum.I listened
to hypocritical
singing
those?
"Notesto theCoroner,"
a number
oftimes.
Never, not once, and I still don't. I think I'll still sing them
That, Diane, is the only song that didn't come from my exactly how I always did. You know, I sing songs about
heart. That one came from m.y head. The rest of the songs
divorce, too, and I've never been married and divorced.
were written in my pajamas during that breakdown, which
And I'm a singer that interprets a song that I believe to be
my friend Mary calls my breakthrough. I tend to agree with
great whether I wrote it or not, and I believed "Single White
her."Notes to the Coroner" was written toward the end of the
Female" to be a great song. I never felt like a hypocrite and I
project. My amazing producer, and now great, great friend,
never felt not genuine as I sang those. Maybe in a funny
Rodney Crowl, and I were out to lunch during one of our
moment .. .if I'm playing a gay Pride event maybe I might
studio days, and to be honest with you, we were high-fiving
sing, "looking for a girl like you:' But SingleWhite Femalewas
one another about this project. I came out to him about half
a really big record and a really big part of who I am. You know,
way through the making of the record. We were saying
'Tm a one woman man and don't want no other"-that's an
how the tracks were sounding great, this is really feeling anthem to a lot of people, and I will sing it as such.
great, this record is really starting to take on more meaning,
Oneof the otherthingsyou'vesungaboutis the complex
especially for him once he realized [I am] gay. And he said, relationship
betweena motherand·achild.Wasyoursexuality
"Remember that day you came to me with your guitar and your anissueforyourmotherwhenyoucameout?
broken self and played me those songs initially? You know
Uh, my mother doesn't know.
you told me you thought you were dying:' And I said, "I Youhaven'tcomeoutto yourmotheryet?
know, I did:' And he said, "Well, you kind of looked like you No, I haven't.
were. I wasn't sure you weren't:'
So,she'llfindoutwiththerestoftheworld?
I'm not kidding, I would write those songs and then ...
Uh-huh, unless I pick up the phone between now and then
in the margins of the journal, I would write, "My heart is and tell her.
beating funny today. I can't breathe today. I can't feel my feet Wow.That'sa bigone.
and my circulation is weaker today and I am so cold:' I said, It's a big one, isn't it? Yeah.
"Rodney, I was literally writing notes to the coroner, because Youcame out to your sister.Haveyou comeout to other
I really believed I was dying:' And he said, "Oh, you've got to familymembers?
write that as a song. I don't care how you write it, it'sjust a great I came out to my father in 2005, in part because I thought
idea:• So I went home that day and I wrote it. That was
I was about to be outed. [Sighing) You know that thing that
actually a song that came out of my brain. It was a cerebral you do when you hide and you compartmentalize? Your phone
event rather than an emotional one.
rings and you're with your girlfriend and it's a family member
It's interesting
bookended
witha songlike"Broken."
There'sa that doesn't know you are gay and you don't pick up the phone
trajectory
andit kindof makessense.
because ... when he says, "Hey, kid, what are you doing?" You
Right? I mean, they're cohesive. They don't fight with one
don't want to say, "Laying on the couch with my girlfriend
another. There are moments on the record where it can watching a movie:•That was becoming a bigger and bigger tool
' 9 wagQitewQQy
W/llHttgnoteg
to theco1tone1t,
becauge
9
1teaQQy
beQleved
9 wagdying.
42
I curve
with which I dealt with my family members who didn't know,
which was all of them at that time, by the way, except for my
sister. I had been doing that game with my dad and growing
apart from him, and I adore my dad. I adore my mother as
well, I love my mother very much, but you know we have a
strained relationship. So my father called me in 2005 and said,
"Kid, can I talk to yout And I said, "Yeah:' He said, "Have I
·done something wrong?"
I told myself in the next couple of weeks I've got to tell
him. I had a show back home, in his home town, coming up
in a couple of weeks and that whole bus ride I laid in my
bunk and just thought, Holy crap, I'm going to tell my dad.
He walked in the door and I said, "Hey, Pipi, sit down, I need
to talk to you:' And he kind of grabbed for the bed and kind
of lowered himself and he said, "Are you okay? Are you sick?
What's wrong? You're sick-you have cancer?" I said, "Dad,
I'm OK;' and I just fell apart. I said, "I need to tell you something I've needed to tell you my whole life and I'.m scared that
you won't love me, and I'm scared that you won't want to be
my dad and I'm just scared to death to tell you:'
And I told him and we talked for a couple of hours and
he went from confusion-you know my dad's got an eighth
grade education-and
he said, "Well;' and I said 'Tm gay;'
and of course I'm crying my eyes out. And he said, "You are?"
and I said, "Yeah:' And he said, "But what about those boys?"
and I said, "Dad, I tried:'
He got angry and he said, "Why didn't you tell me before?
I'm mad:' And I said, "Don't you remember the jokes? Don't
you remember the things that were said in our house and in
our town about the gays and the perverts?" He just buried
his face in his hands and he just cried. And before we ended
the conversation he took his hat off and rubbed his forehead
and I said, "Dad, do you love me even though-?" And he
grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me straight to him
and he said, "Do I love you even though? I love you because:'
And he said, "I've learned in this life if you try to be something you're not, you won't be very goddamn good at it:'
I have hope, if a little former Navy guy that works
construction, that just is not a highly-educated man, can
understand it. He called me a couple of weeks later and said,'T ve
been doing a lot of thinking, kid. I thought I knew what gay was.
I always thought it was sick and sinful and only the messed up
people who had problems did stuff like that, but I don't know a
better person. I have to rethink what this gay thing is:•
Oncepeopleknowsomebody
theyloveis gay,it changestheir
mindcompletely
aboutthemisconceptions
thatthey'vehad.
Right. That's why I feel like I am so uniquely positioned. The
gay community has yet to be able to crack this conservative
Christian seal and introduce somebody that they already
She'sA LittleBit Countrycontinuedon page63
----.Bue,
Ll&;l-l'T
June 2010
I43
It wasp't just the lesbian community who recognized the
po:wer of Dobkin's songs to ignite a movement. She was
labeled a "troublemaker" by the FBI and lauded as biting,
•--....-~
inventive and uncompromising by the press. When David
Letterman and Ho.ward Stern began playing clips of her in
the '80s ( the song in which she spoke of the pleasures of
being a lesbian), Dobkin's words reached beyond her small,
devoted audience and into the living rooms of Middle
America. Over the next 25 years, she continued to write
and record women-centered music, amassing seven albums,
including the 1998 re-release of Lavender Jane.
Dobkin's loyalty to women's-only spaces has made her
a controversial figure, both within and outside of the
queer community, and she's· been accused of being manhating and trans-phobic. Regardless of the controversy
around Dobkin's women-centric politics, it is undeniable
that her songs forever changed lesbian history and helped
lead the way for a new lesbian feminist movement. With the
publication of her first book, My Red Blood, she gave fans a
chance to see what led to her coming out and her debut as
a beacon on the women's music scene. But Dobkin, now 70,
has set aside her "Head Lesbian" title for a much quieter
leadership position-matriarch
of her growing family.
Whatprepared
youfor yourlifeasa feministleader?
Everything prepared me. Everything about my life prepared
me for that and for this. I was raised a political being in
a communist family. I became a communist myself, even
though my parents forbid it-they hated the Communist
Party after they quit it. I was raised on politics to the point
where we rooted for the Brooklyn Dodgers because they
had Jackie Robinson and broke the color barrier. Politics
permeated everything in my life. So when I left the party
when I was 22, that left a real absence, a void in my life for
a number of years. I was certainly left wing, but I didn't
have that same kind of focus. And then I discovered feminism, kicking and screaming, and there it was, the perfect
politics, the most elegant, comprehensive politics I'd ever
come across-and
it still is.
Whatdoyouseeasthecorevaluesofthefeministmovement?
It's about community-the
importance of community and
building your own culture. It's about honoring women, and
putting women first, or trying to put women first. Of course
you're not always successful, and one can't [be]. I have two
grandsons whom I love more than anything in the world,
but that doesn't mean I don't love women and put women
first-I do.
What wouldyou like youngpeopleto know aboutthe '70s
feministmovement?
We were having lots oflaughs. Lots of fun. I remember just
having a great time, because what I consider a good time is
thinking and bouncing ideas off of each other, thinking on
your feet and then going out and doing something. That, to
me, is heaven. That's what we did and we made up-tried
to make up-ways of being true to women, which were
revolutionary. They were utterly original-at
least, we
thought so. And we were warriors. We declared war on
patriarchy. How bold can one get?
What lessons from then, translate into today's dyke
community?
It's the basic thing that we did at our core: To value women,
love women, and to explore that together with women in
every way. To me, the exciting thing is exploring ways of
being in the world and making it better, especially for
lesbians, but for everyone and every living thing.
Whatwasit liketo beoneof thefirstpeopleto publicly
stand
46
Icurve
upandsay,"I'ma dyke,"andto bethatpublicfaceat a time
whenthereweren'ta lotof otherwomendoingso?
It's funny. People say, "Oh, you were so brave:' I never felt
brave. I always felt perfectly safe. I never ever felt afraid. The
only time I ever felt afraid when I sang my lesbian songs
was the very first time I sang to a lesbian audience, and I
was so afraid and terrified I could hardly breathe. I knew
they'd love this music-I knew it-but it was so intense for
me that I could scarcely catch my breath. And that's when I
first sang most of the songs on Lavender Jane.
Whatchallenges
didyoufacealongtheway?
I was afraid of being gay because "gays"were worse. I was not
ready to take that on. Being a communist was bad enough,
but taking on being a lesbian? Not me. I was homophobic.
I was obnoxious. Really, I tried to talk my dear friend, my
first lesbian friend, Louise Fishman, a wonderful artist-I
tried to talk her into being with men. She would be one of
the few women who could say, "Alix Dobkin tried to talk
me into going straight:' Few women could claim that.
Howdidyouovercome
yourfearofbeing-to usetheterminology
oftheday-a homosexual?
I had done everything I was supposed to. I got married. I
had a baby. I had proven myself Then I became a feminist.
Consciousness-raising made me a feminist and it really
initiated my loyalty to women, and strengthened it, and then
everything that followed reinforced that. It gave me permission
to come out ... it gave me politics, it gave me a context, it gave
me a reason, it gave me an ontologicalreason.
Youcameoutin 1972.Didyoufeela senseoffreedom
afterthat?
Really there are two responses to freedom. One is to
try to control everything. And the other [response)
is creativity. We were creative. It was like a freedom
to be who we were, and it was a creative freedom. It
was totally theoretical, but it was also creative. It was
in our art, it was in our dancing. We danced all the
time. We were just bursting with energy and creativity,
because of being powered up by this intersection of lesbianism
and feminism that happened while we were at the right
place at the right time. So we were being creative ... trying to
live in a way that was righteous, and true to women, honoring
who we were. That's a hugely revolutionary act, and it's no
less revolutionary today.
Canyoutalka littlebitaboutyournewmemoir,
MyRed8/oocf?
When I started this book, I said, "This is a memoir [of)
before I come out. This is not a lesbian book. Well it's a Not the far distant past, but the last couple of years ... I don't
totally lesbian book. But it's not about my being a lesbian.
even say all the things I could. I mean really.
Pleasetakethisopportunity.
Layoneonus.
[The book ends) the moment I come out. That's why people
are [saying), "You're not writing about your lesbianism:'
Maybe some other time, not right now. I've gotten into so
much trouble, really, I'm taking a breather.
Well, I've written about my lesbianism. It's documented in
Whatdoyouenjoymostaboutyourlife?
songs and articles in my song books.
Youwerea controversial
figureandonthe frontlines
for years. I'm so happy my daughter's keeping me in little children.
Doyoustillseeyourself
there?
It's really wonderful." And you know what they say, grandI've kind of withdrawn from the battlefields. For years I haven't children are your reward for not killing our kids. It's worth
done anything controversial that I know 0£ That's in my past.
it. Believe me, it's worth it. Too bad they don't come first. ■
June 2010
I47
OUR
STORES
OUR
LIVES
LGBTBOOKSTORES
FINDA WAY
TOSURVIVE
IN HARDTIMES.
BYKELLIDUNHAM
ith the poor economy, it's not surprising that an
already beleaguered subculture has trouble maintaining its institutions. So when Oscar Wilde
Bookshop-the
country's oldest LGBT bookstore-closed
its doors in 2009, it was the latest
in a sad, but hardly shocking, trend. In 1997, there were
175 feminist bookstores dotting the country, but today only
about 35 are still in business. Yet, despite the miserable
economy and competition from online outlets, some feminist
and LGBT bookstores are managing to stay open, and
each has its secrets to survival.
Giovanni's Room opened its doors to the Philadelphia
LGBT community in 1973. In 1979, the owners of the
building where they were leasing decided Giovanni's Room
was responsible for the gaying of the area and refused to
renew the store's lease. Co-founders Arleen Olshan and Ed
Hermance discovered a building that seemed perfect, but
it was for sale and way out of their price range. They solved
the problem in an unorthodox fashion-by borrowing the
money for the down paymertt from their customers. It was all
paid back, with 10 percent interest, within 10 years.
Converting the new building into a bookstore would
prove a massive undertaking, but again t~e owners found the
help they needed in their community. "Every job was done by
volunteer help, except where people had to be licensed;'
explains Olshan. "We knocked out staircases- and walls, all
with volunteers. We worked like demons:'
Giovanni's Room has been at its current location at the
corner of Pine and 12th Street ever since. Olshan credits
the longevity of the store, at least partially, to avoiding the
variable leasing prices. Perhaps all that sweat equity, put in
by the volunteers during the store's early years, is part of its
success. Philadelphians are fiercely loyal to Giovanni's Room
and when it was announced earlier this year that the 12th
Street wall would have to be redone (a more than $50,000
project) or the store would have to close, there was what can
BOOKS
ANDFOOD:
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only be described as a flurry of community support.
Charis Books & More in Atlanta is similarly intertwined
with the local community. Ask Jamie Ferguson, who has been
involved in local LGBT organizing for over six years, about
Charis and she literally gushes. "Charis is a vital institution.
They build community by hosting events and classes on
issues important to women. In addition to finding an array of
books you can't find on the shelves of any other bookstore in
Atlanta, you can always count on meeting interesting people
at Charis:'
Perhaps part of the secret of Charis' success is its non-profit
arm, Charis Circle. The Circle was created in 1996 to help
fund the programming, community education and outreach
that was already happening at the bookstore. It opened the
door to grant support as well as other funding streams.
The bookstore, located in a purple house in the heart of a
neighborhood known as Little 5 Points, celebrated its 35th
anniversary last year with a huge event in collaboration with
the Atlanta Queer Literary Festival that featured Beverly
Guy-Sheftall, Gloria Steinem, Alice Walker, Pearl Cleage
and the Indigo Girls.
Co-owner Sara Look, Charis' only full-time employee,
has worked at the store for 16 years. Her dedication to
the store is truly a labor of love. "Because we're a feminist
bookstore, we try very hard to be everything to everyone.
We have a multicultural children's section, a psychology and
self-help section and spirituality and sexuality sections. We
specialize in literary fiction and lesbian romances, and there
are actually more of these kind of books out than ever before
because of print-on-demand technology:'
Still, Look wishes they "had more people coming in
the door and sometimes it's hard when were struggling
financially, but at the same time we know that people really
want to come to a physical space. I really believe that they
want to be surrounded by books, to have a little feminist
oasis, to take a little break from whatever else is going on
in their lives:'
Portland, Ore:s In Other Words bookstore has been
in three locations in its decade and a half of existence. In
February of 2006, the bookstore moved to its current
location in northeast Portland, a large space that allows it
to be a community center of sorts. It's good they have the
room, because the community events have been growing
exponentially in the last year. In Other Words hosts the
X-rated open mic, Dirty Queer, which draws an average of
85 attendees each month who are urged to bring their own
c~airs in order to find a seat in the packed house. Then
there's the queer polyamory discussion group, writing
workshops, yoga classes and community meetings.
As the only surviving non-profit womyn's bookstore in the
U.S., one of In Other Words' strengths is the collective's
ability to harness volunteer power. Most months see more
than 50 people donating their time to keep the doors open.
In 2008, the True Colors Bookstore (formerly Amazon
Feminist Bookstore) in Minneapolis came within two weeks
of closing before current owner Ruta Skujins stepped in.
Skujins was able to buy the store by spending down her IRA.
Although she clearly values the history of the store, Skujins
decided to do a few things differently.The old Amazon scaled
back on their lesbian fiction because they were worried
about offending the neighborhood. But Skujins decided
the neighbors could handle it, so now one-third of their
collection is children's books, one-third is LGBT books and
one-third is mainstream literature.
"I love it when the 70-year-old church ladies come in
after Sunday brunch at the restaurant across the street.
They walk past the spinners of lesbian greeting cards,
Lesbian Sex 101, the On Our Backs Guide to Lesbian Sex,
the fisting manual and lesbian relationship books going to
the children's section;' says Skujins. "On their way out they
always compliment me on what a nice store I have:•
Despite the tough financial times, Skujins says shes still
hanging on. "Were not exactly thriving yet, but we are still
here. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let the store close:• ■
BOOKSTORES
CHANGE
LIVES:FIRST,
OUROWN
Althoughbeingthe bossof a queeror feministbookstoresoundsprettysexy
(well,at leastto the nerdsamongus),it requireslonghoursanda borderline
obsession
withthenichemarketof LGBT
publishing.
Weaskedthreebibliophiles
abouttheir experiences
runningan LGBTbookshop.
SaraLook,co-owner,
CharisBooks& More,
Atlanta:
"I graduatedwith a
degreein women's
studiesandcreative
writingwhichdidn't
ArleenOlshan,
copniparemefor much
founder
Giovanni's
of anything,exceptfor
Room,
Philadelphia:
runninga women's
"I gotinvolvedat
bookstore.
I started
theFreeWomen's
full-timeat Charisin
SchoolandtheRadical 1994.At the timethere
Lesbians
becauseI was wasa thrivingfeminist
sohungryfor a sense
bookstorenetwork,
of community.
Atthe
FeministBookstore
timeI wasontheboard News,anda special
of theLGBT
community catalog.Thiswasall
centerandthat'swhere beforethe Internet.I
I metEd[Hermance,
becamea co-owner
co-founder
of Giovanni's in 1998.Thiswasmy
Room].Weputup
personalgoal,because,
$5,000apieceto getthe I tell you,in the '90s
store.Thestorewasmy I wasthe onlyone
devotion
for 1Oyears
amongmyfriendswho
butI still wantedto do
lovedtheirjobs.I still
myart.Asa retiree,I'm
lovemyjob.I getto do
back[fundraising
to
whatI love,to besursavethestore].I didn't
roundedby booksand
knowI signedupfor life. literatureandfeminism
Butwe still needthe
nextgeneration
to comealong."
SueBennett,
cofounderGiftof Athena,
Cleveland
"Myformerpartner
andI weretraveling
aroundthe countryand
we'dalwaysgoto the
localLGBTbookstore.
Ourlaststopwasin
Austin,Texas.Whenwe
hadvisitedourthird
progressive,
alternative,
feministbookstore
of
theday,we thought,
Well,if Austincould
havethree,Cleveland
couldhaveone.Opening
thestorechanged
meculturally-I got
exposed
to writersand
performers
I wouldhave
neverseen.It wasmore
of a community
center
thana retailoutlet."
[KelliDunham]
June 2010
I 49
LESBIAN,
DYKEORQUEER?
LABELING
THESAPPHICALLY-INCLINED
IS TRICKY.
BYSASSAFRAS
LOWREY
here's no denying it, as a community,
we're obsessed with labels. Lesbian,
butch, femme, queer, dyke, bisexual,
gayelle, kiki, aggressive, womanloving-woman, pansexual-the
list
goes on. Even though most of us
are deeply aware of our diversity, we still
make assumptions about how other people
define themselves-whether
it's the woman
at the coffeehouse, who you assume is a lesbian but
is actually bisexual, or that sexy androgynous person
you spot across the bar and mistakenly use female
pronouns to describe. It's even more complicated
when you are putting these labels and identities into
print, as we do every month here at curve. How do
you know if a woman identifies as queer, but
not lesbian? Some folks find "dyke"empowering,
while others think it's derogatory. Of course,
usually the answer is to just ask how a person
identifies. But sometimes it's not that simple.
•Recently, the topic of labels came up among
the Curvettes, specifically regarding the word
lesbian, after we noticed an increasing number
of women who only dated (or were married to)
other women asked us to not label them lesbian. Several
days, dozens of emaJ.ls and one lively debate later, the
idea for this article was born. I got the assignment in
part because I don't identify as a lesbian. Well, it's a little
more complicated than that. I usedto be a lesbian.
Lesbian was a really important identity for me. I
came out at 17, and, at the time, it was the first word
I found that encompassed my desires, and the community
I hoped to become a part.0£ But it's not a term I use to selfidentify anymore. Mostly, now, I say that I'm queer, or, more
T
specifically,genderqueer. I see gender in my own life as
being much more than a male-female binary, and for
me gender and sexuality comingle instead of being
separate. So, lesbian isn't a term that really works for
me anymore, yet I still feel like that community is my
home. It's complicated, but I'm not alone.
Even at a lesbian magazine, the word lesbian can be
contentious. Many writers asked if it was still the most
appropriate word to describe the diverse
readership of curve. Editor in chief Diane
Anderson-Minshall stood by the use of the
term: "I think it's important for everyone
to remember we were the first non-erotic
magazine to put the word lesbian on the
cover,and that legacy has meant an extremely
strong identification between our readers and
the word lesbian. (Even so, Anderson-Minshall,
a Queer Nation activist in the '80s when young
women eschewed the L-word, usually calls
herself queer.)
But lesbian doesn't resonate with every reader.
Ami,* a high school student, adamantly disliked
the term, because to her it was so deeply connected
with a homophobic.society that existed at
her school and in her community. "When
I came out I really did not like to refer
to myself as a lesbian. Instead, I went by
queer, dyke or gay because those were
words I liked so much better .. I thought
about why I didn't like the word lesbian
and I realized that I heard it as a derogatory term. When I was growing up, the only time I would here
the word spoken aloud was on the TV or the radio-and it
would be in a joke. As a child, it simply translated as something embarrassing:'
Like Ami, Lee Davis, a young Mississippi woman, has
spent a lot of time thinking about how to best describe her
San FranciscoPride is in good hands this year
sexuality, and struggled with the term lesbian: "It's become
with bisexualauthor and activistAmy Andre at
something that I almost want to say isn't taken seriously
the helm.Andre'sexperienceas a lifelong
enough. I don't want to be a catchphrase:•
LGBTadvocateis wide ranging-she's
Words have important histories (or herstories) within
a former Point Scholar,the author of
our community, and they also have deep personal meanings
BisexualHealth and the directorof
to individuals. Jessica Pabon, a PhD student at New York
the film En Mi Piel, about a biracial
University who uses dyke to define her "political sexuality;'
transgenderman. (Plus,she used
spoke candidly about how there are times where preferred
to write for curve.) SF Prideturns
identity terminology can't be translated in the rest of her life.
"Forty and Fabulous"this year and
"Dyke has a political edge that lesbian does not have but I'm
Andre describesher new job as
not going to go home to my Puerto Rican family and describe
"amazing,exhilaratingand extremely myself as a dyke, that would make me invisible. They get
humbling."Read our interviewwith
lesbian, and that's pushing it:'
Andre at curvemag.com
The identity labels we feel most at ease with also shift
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Twentyyearsago,justputtingtheL-wordonthecoverof a magazine
was •··
a revolutionary
act.Infact,whenwe launched
oursubtitlewassimply,"A
, •
Lesbian
Magazine."
Todayit's thrillingto bedebating
howverymanywords
describe
ourcommunity
which,in thelasttwodecades,
hasonlygrownmorediverse.
over time,. as our identities evolve or our
communities shift. Dani Griffin, from
Wicklow, Ireland, self-identifies as a gay
lady, because it implies sophistication and
elegance. She says her own perspectives
on gender and sexuality shifted as she
developed a community outside her village.
"I come from a small Irish Catholic village and
to me queer was an obscure shape or idea.
Now it's... an important word I use to describe
my community and myself with pride:•
However, as Griffin has learned, sometimes embracing new identities can be
complicated. "People, even in our community,
are too scared to move with the times and
update themselves and their knowledge for
fear of ridicule or judgment. Not everyone in
Ireland is ready for all the big
and scary words we choose to
use in our little queer world:'
Generational differences
came up a lot when
discussing the factors that
contribute to the evolution of
labels within our community.
The general assumption was
that the younger the woman,
more likely she is to use words like
queer and dyke to self-identify, as
opposed to a more traditional term
like "lesbian:' Yet young women aren't
::::rjust bucking tradition for the sake of
~ it. "Our elders cleared the path
~!!::. for us;' says curve contributor
~ Stacy Bias."We're able to engage
~ with that dynamic in a healthy,
: empowered fashion versus a
~ mindless habit. In some ways, I
...J
~ think this generation's eschewing
~ of the labels ... is just the cultural
evolution of escaping shame
~ around sexuality as a spectrum. Not accepting
~ a label also means not accepting its baggage
w
~ or its expectations;' Though non-lesbiano.
~ identified women may have good reasons for
~
ditching the L-word, for some older women
Cl)
~ the change isn't all that welcome. 'Tm 50.
!
In my generation, women were objecting to
the word woman and demanding ... [it] be
spelled w-o-m-y-n. Personally, I don't find that
reclaiming words like queer ... is helpful. I am
Mexican and I don't think being called a beaner
is cool. No word that carries a historically
deprecating energy should be reclaimed;' says
contributor Flora Sussely.
Curve blogger Beren deMotier adds: ''I've
come across a lot of young teen .girls lately
who identify as bi or open minded who in
our day would have felt they had to play for
one team or the other. They are our future,
and they are a powerful, positive bunch who
have... benefited from our fight for identity:'
As a community, we can't agree who's the
•hottest actor on TheL Word, so it's no wonder
we can't agree on something as
personal and emotionally charged as
identity labels. The one thing that we
probably can agree about is that we'll
never reach a consensus as to what
the "best" term is io define ourselves.
Perhaps the most we can hope for is
to have a community that
respects each of our differences, our uniqueness and
our identity label of choice
while recognizing the power
that labels have not only on
a personal level, but also
globally.
When asked about the
power of labels, Pabon
summed things up by saying,
"Terminology is more than ever .
a double-edged sword. Like
one of those spiky gladiator
weapons, it can cut you ... but you
can also wield it to clear some
space for yourself Because we are
programmed to give weight and importance to
terms, categories and hierarchies. We can't just
say, Hey, terminology sucks, lets stop using it.
That's not practical. But we can be conscious of
its power to harm and its power to heal:' ■
* Last name withheld by her request.
:i::
FunShopping
with Friends
•l/·
_:(_
X
Re~iews: real opinions
from real people
,,r,
Connect to toy
makers: Edenlink
~,-
Sexis magazine:
discover your own is
Fun to follow:
EdenCafe blog
Get personal:
interviews
.4t!!J Speak up:
JII
!orums and polls
www.edenfantasys.com
(800) 350-9050 Mon-Fr 8 am-4 pm ET
II
•
e•
II
•
e•
RACHAEL
SAGE
STREET
DELANCEY
,
The new album from
3-Time OUTMusic
Award Winner
lt
'
'i'
h'l,)
RACHAEL SAGE'
NEW ALBUM
ON ITUNES,
IN STORES
& ON TOUR!
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g
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z
Thereareplentyof funLGBT
eventsthissummer.
InSanFrancisco,.. -~checkouttheQueerWomen
of ColorFilmFest,FreshMeatFestival
andQueer
Arts.Othermust-sees
areNYC's
NewFest,
LosAngeles'
I..
OutfestandL.A.BlackPrideandevenKentuckian
PrideFestival
in
,u
Louisville.
Fora roundupof hotdatesvisitcurvemag.com.
I
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""
mcloci1cnlly beautiful &
lyncally po1911a11r VENUS
WWW. RACHAELSAGE.COM
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.MPRESSRECORDS.COM
June 2010
I51
¼
~
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1/✓
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1/✓
~
~
1/✓
~
1. DO-IT-HERSELF
KIT.The
135-piece Apollo Precision
Toolkit is a handy dandy
girly pink toolkit that comes
with everything you'll need
around the house-sans
the hot dyke to do the work.
If pink tools are too femme,
get the Craftsman 68 Piece
General Purpose Tool set
(Dipstick swears by it). It
also doesn't hurt to have a
sexy tool belt to carry it all.
($45, apollotools.com; $150,
sears.com)
2. THEWHOLE
LESBIAN
SEX
BOOK.
We both keep this
book on our bookshelves
because we get a lot of juicy
questions and author Felice
Newman knows her sex.
Even for self-proclaimed
players, there's always
something new you can
learn. ($25, cleispress.com)
1/✓
1/✓
4. BICYCLE.
Whether you use
the bike for recreation or
for transportation, a bicycle
is a/most the most fun
thing you can put between
your legs.
5. MAGIC
WAND.
We think the
Magic Wand is the second
most fun thing you can put
between your legs. If you
don't have one of these
under your bed, get one right
away. ($54, babe/and.com)
6. GYMMEMBERSHIP.
The
gym is not only a great
place to work out and get
inspired, but it's also a great
place to meet chicks. Being
healthy is cool.
7. VALID
PASSPORT.
Be
ready to bolt the next
time those cheap tickets
to the Caribbean become
available. With all the
airline competition and
hotels vying for your
money, deals are a dime
a dozen.
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
%
3. RETIREMENT
PLAN.
We're
~
52
~
~
~
early to start saving for the
future. Not sure where to
start? Find a financial
advisor you can trust or
check out Orman's book
Women and Money.
not Suze Orman, but we
listen to her. We pay off
our credit cards before we
buy luxury items and we
know that it's never too
Icurve
THINGS
EVERY
LESBIAN
SHOULD
OWN
YOUHAVETHEINCLINATION.
NOW
ALLYOUNEEDARETHETOOLS
OF
THETRADE.
Likethe GirlScouts,lesbiansalwaysneedto
be prepared-preparedto rumble,prepared
to play,preparedto get our grooveon or get
her off. So,our advicegurusLipstickand
Dipstickhavesearchedfar andwide for the
20 essentialseverylesbianshouldown.
It's the perfect way to
please you both. ($5,
womynsware.com)
17.LEATHER
JACKET.
8. KILLER
HUMMUS
RECIPE.
Hummus is a staple at
lesbian parties, so know
your chickpeas and be a
hit with a great recipe in
your back pocket. Balsamic
hummus? A garlic twist with
Cholula hot sauce? Spend
some time perfecting your
mashed masterpiece.
9. QUALITY
LUBE.
A musthave for lesbians, no matter
what you're into in the
bedroom. Use Pink Silicone
Lubricant for your dildosas long as they're not made
of silicone or you put a
condom on it-and you'll
be able to go all night. For
oral sex try the ID Juicy
Lube sampler, with luscious
flavors like tangerine
mint and watermelon. For
self-loving, try Sliquid, a
water-based, organic lube
for women. ($10 and up,
cheaplube.com)
10.CAT.
Every lesbian needs
to have a cat in her lifetime
(it's in the Dyke Rule Book).
Animals are there for us
during bad breakups, bad
days, when we just want
to lay on the couch all day
eating potato chips or even
when we want to dance
6 around the living room in
:J
CD our underwear.
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12.WHITEBUTTON
DOWN
SHIRT.
This is a staple of any
lezzie wardrobe. You can
wear it to work, the bar, tied
at the waist, with a pair of
jeans and cowboy boots to
a Lucinda Williams concert
or under your favorite
holiday sweater. Also, you
never know when the next
White Party is going to
happen.
13.MELISSA
ETHERIDGE
ALBUM.
All lesbians should
own at least one Melissa
Etheridge album. Lipstick's
top pick: Your Little Secret.
While Dipstick's is the
Greatest Hits album, which
is perfect for road trips with
your lover girl. ($12 and up,
ladyslipper.com)
14.DUCT
TAPE.Nothing
says MaeG~11er
MuffDiver
like duct tape. There are
so many practical uses:
Shorten a hem, fix a tail
light, write a note on the
sidewalk outside your
lover's house or make a
cool dykey wallet. We both
keep a roll on hand for
those moments when only
duct tape will do the trick.
It comes in assorted colors
now, too.
11.BLACK
BOOTS.
Nothing
boosts your self-esteem
like walking around in
shoes that make you feel
like you could take on the
world. Butch it up with a
pair of unisex Fluevogs, get
sexy with Franco Sarto's
Phantoms or go retro with
newly reissued Dr. Marten's
Vintage 1460 boot, a direct
15.MUSICAL
INSTRUMENT.
It doesn't matter what it
is-guitar, harmonica, small
drum -just have something around to pull out
and jam with. The ladies
love a dyke with rhythm.
16. THECOUPLER.
Made
of recycled rubber, this
will be the best $5 you
have ever spent. The
strap converts two single
dildos into a double dong.
Whether it's fitted and
sexy like Lipstick's
or bomber style like
Dip's, this is one
fashion accessory every
dyke needs. If you're a
vegan, get faux leather
from Vegan Essentials.
Whether you're riding
in Dykes on Bikes or an
evening with a date, a
leather jacket is the perfect
outerwear.
18.SOFTBALL
GLOVE.
You're
a lesbian after all, so you
must have a glove around
the house. The girls might
want to pull together a
spontaneous game on the
beach at P-town or while
you're waiting for dinner
on T-Day. Heck, with your
lezzie chops, you may be
asked to short-stop for the
company team. So have a
glove ready and know how
to throw a ball.
the environment and our
health. Do everyone a favor
and get a Sigg. We like the
"Green is the New Black"
design. ($25, sigg.com)
20.BEEBO
BRINKER.
Okay,
you probably can't afford
an original 1962 edition,
but you should own one of
the reprints to this classic
lesbian pulp novel. You can
even get it on your Kindle
($9, amazon.com) ■
NOTHING
SAYS
MAGGYVER
MUFfDIVER
LIKE
DUCT
TAPE
19.STAINLESS
STEEL
OR
ALUMINUM
WATER
BOTTLE.
Some
places are banning plastic
water bottles,
and with good
reason. Plastic
is ruining
SHOWSOMEPRIDEWITHYOURRIDE
Just when you thought a dyke on a bike couldn't get any hotter-it
does. Republic Bike, a Florida-based online custom bike shop,
allows you to personalize your ride with all shades of the rainbow.
Offering customization right down to the cranks, it's easy to spend
an afternoon clicking through frames, grip colors and hub speeds
on the user-friendly website. If creative customization just isn't your
thing, the company also offers
a list of pre-designed "popular
builds," which provides direction
for the indecisive. At $399,
you'll be hard-pressed to find a
personalized bike any cheaper.
So accent your sexy red rims
with a crisp white chain just in
time to cruise down to Pride,
where all the ladies will want
to swing a leg over your frame.
(RachelCullen]
June 2010
I 53
REVIEWSMusic Watch
Heartbreakin Heartthrobs
Artists who will raise your pulse. By Margaret Coble
TheRunaways
Original
MotionPictureSoundtrack,
VariousArtists(Atlantic):
Withits rallyingrockand
punkattitudes,TheRunaways
Soundtrack'has
theeffect
of effortlessly
bringingyou
backto theanthemsof your
youth.Thememorable
tracks
fromtheSexPistols,David
Bowie,JoanJettandSuzi
Quatroreflecta visceral
passionfor the musicof the
era.Thediscalsofeatures
surprisingly
skillfulRunaways
coversperformed
by Kristen
StewartandDakotaFanning,
including"CherryBomb,"
oneof the band'smosticonic
Though their musical styles are very different, punk
andrecognizable
hits.Both
rockers The Shondes, folkie Chris Pureka and rock
Fanning
andStewart,whoare
upstarts Hunter Valentine are indie queers who are
aroundthesameageastheir
heartthrobs out to steal your heart with their loveon-screen
counterparts,
add
authenticity
in channeling
the
sick lyrics.
emotions
of.thesepioneering
teenagegirlsastheyraged My DearOne,TheShondes
(Fanatic):
Brooklyn-based
againstthestatusquoin the
queer band, The Shondes document the survival
1970s.(atlanticrecords.com)
[Stephanie
Vernier] of their own heartbreak on this sophom_ore album
release. Following their successful 2008 debut The Red
Sea and ensuing national tour, the band suffered the
professional and personal loss of their guitarist, friend
and lead singer /bassist Louisa Rachel Solomon's
partner, Ian Brannigan, who unexpectedly departed
the tour in Miami. For the next year, the three
remaining band mates-Solomon, drummer Temim
Fruchter, and violinist Elijah Oberman-crafted
this
intensely personal set of songs that might seem out of
character for a group known largely for their riot grrrl
sound, political activism and Jewish identity, but which
beautifully and defiantly captures the anger, sadness
and betrayal they felt. "Miami" is a raging ode to the
scene of the break-up, "You Ought To Be Ashamed"
is •a bitter call-out venting disappointment, and
54
Icurve
"Nothing Glows" dwells in that post-breakup malaise
we all know so well, while "Make It Beautiful" hopes to
make something positive out of the darkness. I'd say
the quartet-now including new guitarist Fureighsucceeded in doingjust that. (shondes.com)
HowI LearnedToSeeIn TheDark,ChrisPureka(Sad
Rabbit):The New England genderqueer singeMongwriter displays a maturation in her sound on this
brooding new disc. Collaborating with longtime
friend Merril Garbus as co-producer, the 12-track
set has a textural depth and abstract feel not
apparent on her two earlier acoustic folk efforts,
though it mines much of the same lyrical territory
of sadness, loss and love. The result is compelling
and complements her trademark rugged vocals and
dexterous guitar work. The opening, epic "Wrecking
Ball" evokes Neil Young in its twangy Americana
flavor, passionate guitar strumming and slight vocal
quiver, while "Landlocked" shows off Pureka's
classic fingerpicking in tandem with friend Lyndell
Montgomery's expressive fiddle and Andy Rice's
dirge-like upright bass. Meanwhile, "Broken Clock"
is a hard-hitting, heavily layered heartbreaker that
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its angst. Heartache never sounded so good.
(chrispureka.com)
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Lessons
FromTheLateNight,HunterValentine
(Tommy
Boy}:Hailing from Toronto but now
based in Brooklyn; this spunky out-dyke trio
comes from the Joan Jett school of rock 'ri roll:
fast, furious and definitely DIY. Lead singer/
guitarist Kiyomi McCloskey's vocal delivery
is a raspy blend of screaming, singing and
shrieking that complements her agile guitar
shredding. While drummer Laura Petracca
and bassist Adrienne Lloyd hold down the
heavy-hitting rhythms. On this latest sevencut EP, the romantic rockers wear their hearts
on their sleeves, exploring the darker sides of
love and relationships. 'The Stalker" opens
with a slightly creepy vibe ("I snuck into your
room/I put on all your clothes/I put your
favorite records on/ And pretended I was
you") b~t the bouncy "Revenge" quickly takes
a more menacing turn, spinning an angry
tale of betrayal ("Revenge, it airit a sweet
thing"). "Treadmills Of Love" goes a similar
route, chronicling the ups and downs postbreakup. Bet you'll be hearing a lot more about
these gals real soon. (huntervalentine.com)
■
Q+A
Emilie Autumn
Last year was a big one for Chicagobased singer, violinist and performance
artist Emilie Autumn. After spending the
past few years working with musicians
like Courtney Love, Nigel Kennedy and
Dethklok, Autumn released a deluxe
edition of her 2006 solo album, Opheliac,
in the U.S. She also capped the year off by
releasing her autobiography, The Asylumfor
Wayward VictorianGirls,in December. Far
from a typical rock'ri roll tome, The Asylum
takes readers into just that-a psych ward
where Autumn spent time being treated for
bipolar disorder.
Whydidyoudecideto re-releaseOpheliac?
It was about bringing what was originally
a European release to fans in other
parts of the world at a reasonable price.
Adding all of the new tracks and videos
onto the second disc was really just a way
to say thank you to all of the fans. The
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WhatWeLosein the
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discoverandlaunch
Motown,'60s rock
thecareers
of "the
world'sonlyconjoined- andcontemporary
twin singer-songwriter garageintoa soulful,
movingstew,Laura
duo"but punkBurhennturnedthe
cabareticonoclast
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GeorgieJames)intoa
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film noirsoundtrack beautifulnewbeginning.Thelyricsof the
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strangelycompelling- "Letthe RecordGo"
anda littledisturbing. getsmeupon myfeet.
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(evelynevelyn.
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1
new tracks
include live
and alternate
versions of
some of my
best known
songs, as
well as my favorite addition-a
version of
the song "Gloomy Sunday;' which hails from
back in the 1920s and is considered to be the
original suicide song.
Whatdoyouwantpeopleto knowaboutbipolar
disorder?
That it is genetically inherited, not something
you develop or succumb to, and certainly not
something that celebrities should be called
every time they shave their heads or get out of
a limo without underpants. Secondly, bipolar
disorder is often considered a terminal illness
within the medical community, because three
out of four people suffering from it will jump
out a window ... just to get away from the pain
of living with this condition. Therefore, this
innate tendency for self-destruction ought to
be met with a bit more compassion.
Youidentityasasexual,
butyouhaverelationshipswithmenandwomen.Howdoyoudefine
beingasexual?
The reality of the situation is that while I
enjoy being alone for long periods of_time, I
do in fact have relationships-but
these are
based on far more than just sex drive. And it
is true that I don t have an especial preference
for boys or girls, though, between the two, I
can say that I'm much more into the lady love,
as you can probably tell by my live show.
In thepressreleasefor Opheliac,
you'requoted
as saying,"I wantto promote
absolute
freedom
andfearlessness."
Canyouexpandonthat?
I grew up being abused and terrified, with no
knowledge of how to protect mysel£ and I'm
far from the only one. In a country where rape
is more frequent than [fatal) car accidents and
equal pay for equal work is still not a reality,
we are most certainly not free, and we don't
have the luxury of being fearless.
This has to change. But we can't just sit
and wait for our freedom and our right to live
without fear to be handed to us by anyone.
We need to demand it, and we need to be
prepared to fight.
We need to get scary. [DaveSteinfeld]
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Shatterin the Glass
Hammer! and understanding the queer child. By Rachel Pepper
TheFatStudiesReader,
Eds.EstherRothblum
and
SondraSolovay
(NYUPress)
Withheadlines
touting
anobesityepidemic
and
anever-evolving
doorof
Hollywood
hottieswhoare
seemingly
neverthinenough,
thespecterof thefat girlis
everywhere.Fordecades,a
growingcadreof academics
havebeenexamining
the
roleof bodyweightandtheir
workis collected
hereinthis
amazing,
multidisciplinary A look at the feminist filmmaking pioneer Barbara
tomeonfat studies.Evenfor
Hammer and a book of theory about conceptualizing
a non-academic
reader,
this
the queer child that will forever change the way you
bookis accessible,
aswellas
view children's books.
incredibly
queer.
There'splenty
of weightyness
in thefat
studiesdiaspora,
withwriters Hammer!MakingMoviesOutof SexandLife,Barbara
Press):Hammer! is the first book
tacklingfatnessandmother Hammer(Feminist
blame,theintersections
of
written by experimental filmmaker B~rbara Hammer.
transgender
andfat law,fat
A fundamental figure in 1970s lesbian feminism,
opression
asa formofvalence Hammer continues to both produce films and teach
againstwomen,and,most
film studies. In her long career, she has been
chllingly,
thefat geneand
responsible fqr many cinematic firsts. These include
thegaygeneasa factorin
thenewconsumer
eugenics the first screened film to include lesbian lovemaking
movement.
Theessaysrarely shot by an actual lesbian in 1974's Dyketactics, and
comeacrossas didactic,and the first time older lesbians were portrayed sexually
themilestone
achievement on film in 1992's Nitrate Kisses.In the span of 40 years,
ofthiscollection
istheway
Hammer has made more than 60 films and videos,
it combines
publicpolicy including shorts about menstruation and orgasm,
andchicklit,eroto-politics
and a recent brief documentary about women on
andgaychubbychasers,
job
discrimination
andlesbian the island of Jeju-do, South Korea, who have a long
sizequeens.
Factoids
may tradition of diving to reach fishing grounds without
a breathing apparatus. Although her work has not
notstickwithyoubutthe
realhistorical,
sociocultural been commercial enough to ensure widespread
implications
of the bigbody success or financial gain, Hammer is a monumental
will.(nyupress.org)
[DAM] figure in experimental film.This book collects essaysshe
has written for film journals and feminist publications
like Heresies and Sinister Wisdom, and personal
56
Icurve
narratives produced before the age of blogging or
even before the Internet could make them widely
available. Hammer is self-reflective, ironic, joyful
and funny, capturing the eras she lived through as a
feminist artist in pieces such as "Lesbian Filmmaking:
Self-Birthing,""Conference Sex (or the Names Have
Not Been Changed as There Are No Innocents)" and
"Lesbian Mainstream: Economics vs. Radical Play:'
Chapters are divided up by decade, with headings
like "The '70s were a glorious time of feminist ideals
and lesbian bed-hopping:' For anyone intimidated
by Hammer's sometimes inaccessible narrative style
on the screen, it should be noted that the book is
infinitely more easy to read than some of her films
are to watch, and also contains numerous film stills
that add much to the historical value of the text.
This year, in support of the book's release, Hammer
is doing a U.S. tour through many major cities,
and retrospective screenings, including live talks by
Hammer at New York's Museum of Modern Art and
the Tate Modern in London. Kudos to editor Amy
Scholder and the Feminist Press for recognizing the
need for this book, and for producing it so artfully.
(Jeministpress.org)
TheQueerChild,or Growing
Sideways
in the Twentieth
Century,KathrynBond Stockton(Duke University
Press): Kathryn Bond Stockton's new book of .
theory, The Queer Child, or Growing Sideways in
the Twentieth Century, opens with the line "If you
scratch a child you will find a queer, in the sense
of someone 'gay' or just plain strange:' This
strangeness, Stockton argues, is in every child, and
children who are "thoroughly, shockingly queer," are
mostly constructs of memory by adults, and serve
multiple purposes in literature and in films as diverse
as Hoop Dreams, Lolita, The Hanging Garden and
Six Degrees of Separation. Such children, Stockton
writes, are often the "child queered by innocence,
children queered by color, the child queered by
Freud, and the grown 'homosexual; typified by
'arrested development' and often rendered as a
child (or animal):' Stockton believes that children
52'
don't always grow "up," but rather, sideways. That ~
0
the idea of "delay" is prevalent in such work; that ~
society is so scared of the children they claim to ~
protect (even while making children "non-persons" ~
in these protections) that we fear children may ~
Q+A
Audrey Beth Stein
HowdidMapcomeabout?
My intent at the beginning was to tell the
story of my relationship with Catrina.
Nowadays, meeting someone on the
Internet is practically the norm ... but back
in 1996 and 1997, when the events of Map
take place, it was very different. I was rather
surprised when these feelingsstarted arising for
someone Ia at that point only communicated
with by email. The first draft was mostly a
series of emails Ia sent to friends while it was
going on, and eventually the story got larger,
and became Map.
Is it alsoyourcoming
outstory?
and ... they really help place the
It's a different sort of coming out
book as a historical memoir of
than what's often portrayed. You
a pretty unique time period in
have a person who's very sure of
queer history. It was the year
that Ellen DeGeneres came out. We didn't
herself in many ways, and she has this one
have same,sex marriage or The L Word, but
piece that's a bit of a mystery to her. And the
we could find a like,minded community
idea of announcing something like 'Tm gay"
is much less frightening to her than admitting
and films like Go Fish and songs like Ani
'Tm not sure:'
DiFranco's "In or Out" that spoke to our
Howclosely
doesthebookfollowwhathappened experience in different ways.
Howdidyoucapturesuchrealismin your
in reallife?
conversations
aroundbisexuality?
To the extent that any memoir is true. At a
I felt like those conversations were huge
certain point your memory fails. You can't
remember exact conversations. You forget
at the time, for all my queer friends, but
what someone was wearing or whether this
in particular for those of us who didn't fit
event came before that. Overall, I tried to stay solidly at one end of the Kinsey Scale. And
true to the records I had, and to my memory,
I wanted readers ... to know that it was OK
as well as to the emotional truth.
to have these sorts of questions-whether
I lovedthatthereweresomany'90spopculture they identified with the characters or not.
references
inthebook.
Because, for me, the hardest part of coming
It was fun to use so many of those cultural
out was just not having clarity for myself.
markers. They naturally fit into the narrative
[SheelaLambert]
"disappear;' even as the idea of the gay
child fully emerges. And that money, as
much as sex, makes children vulnerable,
even potentially dangerous. Stockton also
points out the irony that in contemporary
studies of children, which include gay
children, it's very apparent "that no one
believes more firmly in 'gay' children
than do other children-most
especially
children of a prejudicial sort, who 'out' any
children they believe are acting strangely
or any boy or girl whom they happen
to dislike:' Most of this book, which is
weird, poetic and gripping (and despite
its tide has nothing to do with raising
children), is a bit oblique and theoretical,
geared mainly to an academic audience.
But some sections, like an examination
of the strangely disturbing film remake of
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory released
in 2005, will be accessibleto anyone. Indeed,
after reading Stockton's analysis of the
"sideways"elevator ride that Willy Wonka
and Charlie take after shooting out of the
glass roof of the chocolate factory, you may
never look at any of your favorite childhood
stories the same way again. (dukepress.edu)■
Surviving
Againstthe
SheLooksJust
Industry
LikeYou:
A Memoir Odds:Village
of (Nonbiological in Indonesia
Lesbian)
MotherhoodS.AnnDunham
Press}
AmieKlempnauer
Miller (DukeUniversity
(Beacon
Press)
Published
14years
afterherdeath,this
Motherhood
canbe
studychronicles
the
scaryfor anyone,
research
thatPresident
butwhenit comes
Obama's
mother
to lesbian,nonbiowhileliving
logicalmoms-to-be,
. conducted
in a Javanese
village,
therewasno real
andgivesus a glimpse
guidebook-until
now.Millertalksabout intothe incredible
woman'slife. Her
the excitements
and
of the life
difficultiesthat come examination
frombeingthe lesbian of the ruralartisans
of Javais filledwith
partnerwhodoesn't
givebirth.(beacon.org)warmthandinsight.
(dukeupress.edu)
[LG]
[LisaGunther]
Nominated for a Lambda Literary Award,
Audrey Beth Stein's memoir Map is an
addictive tale about unexpectedly falling
in love with another girl. A late,blooming,
sexually confused college senior, Audrey
was looking for love-but in an era before
online personals were ubiquitous, she never
expected romance to arrive via email.
z
~
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~
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Attractions
oftheHeart LuvYaBunches
CheriCrystal
LaurenMyracle
(loveyoudivine)
(AmuletBooks)
Inthisanthology
of
eroticshortstories,
eachopenswitha
preview:"If givena
dareto jointheMile
HighClub,wouldyou
takeit?" It's a safebet
to assumethatthese
characters
will take
thedare.Thestories
aresweet,sexyand
quick,muchlikethe
interactions
between
the characters
in
thiscollection.
(loveyoudivine.
com)
[Stephanie
Vernier]
A taleof fourdiverse
girls(onehaslesbian
parents)
whounite
to bringdownthe
popularmeangirt In
theprocess,
thegirls
discover
friendsfor life.
Thischarming
story
became
thecenterof
a controversy
when
Scholastic
Booksdidn't
includeit in theirbook
fairsbecause
the
authorrefusedto omit
thesame-sex
couple.
(abramsbooks.
com)
[Sarah
c.Jimenez]
June 2010
I57
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
icalDocs
Two films tackle politics and the military. By Candace Moore
TheCinemaPride
Collection
(Fox/MGM):
LGBT
Prideis celebrating
its 40th
anniversary
thisyear,andnow
thatI'vebeento overhalfof
thoseannualcelebrations
of
humanrightsandbuttless
chaps-someyearsI hit 15
regionalPridefestivalsin a
threemonthspan-I'd like
to spendtheweekendin
bed,watchinga reelof gay
andtransfilms.Enter,The
Cinema
PrideCollection,
the
veryfirstgay-themed
film DVD
collection
froma majormotion
picturestudio,whichgoes
onsaleJune8 onAmazon.
What'smostinteresting
about
thecollection
is itsinclusion
of someindiefaves(My
Beautiful
Laundrette),
lesbian
classics(TheChildren's
Hour),
gayclassics(Bent,LaCage
AuxFoiles),
modernlesbian
ram-corns
(Kissing
Jessica
Stein,ImagineMe& You),
a transclassic(BoysDon't
Cry),dragextravaganza
(Adventures
of Priscilla,
Queen
of theDesert)
andtwo
bigbudgetgayflicks(The
Birdcage,
TheObjectof My
Affection).
Between
the 10
filmsthereareat leastseven
Oscar-winning
performers,
including
AudreyHepburn
and
ShirleyMaclainefromthe
littleseenChildren's
Hour.
Thebonuses
andextrasalone
will keepyouentertained
for
hours.At$45,it's definitely
worththeinvestment.
(amazon.com)
[DAM]
58
Icurve
TV of late has become a screening ground for
relevant and smart documentaries on queer subjects.
Ask Not appeared as part of PBS' Independent Lens
series and Outrageran recently on HBO. Both films,
now available on DVD, tackle issues ripped from the
headlines-gays and lesbians in the military and the
hypocrisy of closeted, anti-gay politiciansj respectively.
Ask Not (Persistent\fisions):Seventeen years after
Clinton reneged on promises to LGBT voters and
signed the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy into law, the
Senate is awash with debates on a bill that would end
discrimination against military personnel based on
sexual orientation. Nominated for a 2010 GLAAD
Media Award for Outstanding Documentary, Johnny
Symons' powerful piece studies why a change of heart
and policy may be in the works. Discharging gay
and lesbian soldiers-especially highly-trained and
qualified ones-puts the U.S. at risk during a time
when the military is too understaffed to deal with
its current conflicts. Symons portrays the lives of
young people who regularly put their careers and
bodies on the line-such as the soldier from San
Francisco who returns to the closet to dispatch to
war with his unit and the college-aged protesters
who demand to be enlisted, risking arrest by staging
sit-ins at recruitment centers. Symons' camera also
follows a group of discharged soldiers (including a
former admiral),. who speak at military bases and
civilian venues about their own experiences and the
security failures (Sept. 11 potentially being one). For
those of us who question militarism and don't believe
queers should die for a country that systemically
excludes them, this documentary asks us to consider
the points of view of individuals who feel compelled
to fight for their country and their right to do so.
(persistent-visions.com)
Outrage(MagnoliaPictures):
Many card-carrying members
of the GOP, it seems, are
secretly"in the family" (as they
used to say). Roy Ashburn,
the California State Senator
recently arrested for driving
under the influence while
leaving a gay nightclub with
a male companion, is just the latest example. Veteran
director Kirby Dick (Sick, Derrida) investigates the ~
spate of conservative republicans alleged (or proven) {
to have had same-sex affairs while waging anti- g
LGBT rights wars through their voting choices
(which are charted evocatively for-the viewer). The ~
film recounts numerous scandals: Idaho's staunchly ~o
i
Q+A
Jane Campion
The film industry is notorious for being
a boy's club. In the 82 year history of the
Academy Awards only four women have
been nominated in the best director category.
Jane Campion, who blew audiences and critics
alike away with her 1993 film The Piano
is one of those women. In a recent round
table to promote her latest film, Bright Star,
a film about the final romance of poet John
Keats, which won the Palme d'Or-one of
the highest honors given at the Cannes Film
Festival-Champion spoke candidly about
feminism, bringing home the Oscar and the
state of women in film today.
Whatwastheinspiration
forwritingthisfilm?
I fell in love with the love story. It really
affected me profoundly. I liked that it
was a story that talked about the little
complications of two people getting close
and committing, and then of course what
shocked you is the tragedy.
homophobic former Senator Larry Craig
caught soliciting sex in a men's room,
men attesting to having had sexual
affairs with Florida's fiercely anti-gay
marriage Governor Charlie Crist and the
outings of right-wing politicians Terry
Dolan, David Dreier, Jim McCrery and
Ed Koch. Interviews with journalists
engaged in outing-as-activism, openly
gay politicians such as Barney Frank and
former lovers of closeted policy-makers
highlight the hypocrisy and community
6
§ betrayal involved in presenting a public
~ face so completely divorced from one's
:J
~ private life. (magpictures.com)■
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I sawan interview
in whichyousaidyoucan't
bea womanwithoutbeinga feminist.Canyou
elaborate
onthat?
I think people may be mistaken by what
feminist means-it means something
different, to different people, but to me it
means equality and it's really kind of hard to
wonder how anyone couldn't want that.
In BrightStar,thecharacter
Frannyis nota
weakperson,
butshe'syoungandsilly.How
didyouturnherintoan inspiring
figure?
I loved that she was outspoken. I think it
was a great quality, and my daughter got
it to some extent-where [the characters]
just speak and you know who they are. You
might not appreciate everything they say,
but they are not hidden.
Whatdoyouthinkthefutureholdsforwomen
in film?
I love my work. It's [a] joy to make things
as beautiful as I can. I think that's the
way it's going to work for women-just
Horror
in theWind
(Ariztical
Entertainment)
Person
ofInterest
(Ariztical
Entertainment)
lesbian
Inthiscampycomedy, A suspenseful
on
anextremely
conserv- dramacentering
women
ativeU.S.president's threemissing
ina smallNewEngland
planto "winthewar
town.Asa lastresort,
onsex"backfires
withamusingresults. SheriffNickieWelles
Afterstealinga secret enliststhehelpof a
psychic.
However,
her
formulathattakes
thecloseted
awaysexualdesires, girlfriend,
detective
Sandra
heexposes
it to the
suspects
that
population-hoping
to Franks,
curbtheir"unseemly" he'sa sham.Thefilm
provides
notonlya
lust.Theresultisn't
compelling
crimecase,
exactlywhathe
butcomplex,
believable
expected
asgaylove
characters.
abounds.
(ariztical.com)lesbian
(ariztica/.com)
[LG]
[LisaGunther]
to do excellent work. It's a glass ceiling
out there. What goes on in boardrooms of
Hollywood, we don't know. We know that
an equal number of boys and girls probably
put scripts in and then only the guys ones
come out. So you know, I think that "all
boy's club" makes it very, very difficult.
Doyouseethatboy'sclubfadingor at least
gettinga littlebitlesspowerful?
This year there's a few more women, but I
think it's a really interesting topic. I mean, I
love being a woman. I love the world. Guys
might run it. I feel envious of the power
they have. It's not one that I want. But you
know you have to have your eyes open
working that way. [Danielle
Sonnenberg]
TrueBlood:The
Complete
Second
Season
(HBOHomeVideo)
Food,Inc.
(MagnoliaHome
Entertainment)
Thesedaysyou
Telepathic
barmaid
won'tgetE.colifrom
SookieStackhouse
and meat-because
hervampiricretinue
it's nowmixedwith
investigate
anundead ammonia-cleansed
missingpersons
meat-filler.
Yes,you
caseinTexas,
while
readthatright.Thisis
thingsbackhomein
justanexampleof the
thebayouaregetting manyshockingissues
downrightpagan.
that Food,Inc.explores
Season
twoseesthe
in anindustrythat has
introduction
of lesbian becomea systemic
Vampire
Queenof
problemin ourculture.
Louisiana
Sophie-Anne It'll haveyourunning
Leclerq,
playedbyEvan to yourfarmersmarket.
Rachel
Wood.(hbo.com) (magpictures.com)
[Rachel
Shatto]
[Stephanie
Vernier]
June 2010
I59
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
And Then Came Ashleigh
Ashleigh Sumner is the powerhouse behind
the title role of the lesbian romantic comedy
And Then Came Lola, now out on DVD from
Wolfe. Inspired by the German art house
smash Run Lola Run, and co-starring out
actors Jill Bennett and Cathy DeBuono, the
film is a collection of"what ift moments set
against a gorgeous San Francisco backdrop.
Sumner taks about balancing a successful
acting career with other artful endeavors.
WhatwasmostdifficultaboutplayingLola?
The greatest challenge was going through the
script in a way that I probably wouldn't in a
linear filni.... and talking that over with the
director before we would shoot. Because you
are literally shooting the same scene and in
many places, you' re saying the exact same line,
but because the circumstances and the stakes
have shifted ... you have to bring something
completely different to it.
Is it hardto balancefilmworkwithyourart?
I think it keeps me from going cuckoo, to be
quite honest. The beauty of acting, the beauty
of performance art is that it's a completely
collaborative art. The beauty of painting is
that it's not collaborative. No one can direct
you, rewrite you or edit you. You don't have to
wait to be cast. I never feel starved for artistic
expression with painting, which is a huge gift,
and they feed each other. On a creative level,
they feel exactly the same. I try to approach
painting from in the body. It's not from the
mind. With acting, the trick is to drop into
the heart and get out of your head.
Whereelsecanwe seemoreof yourwork?
I have an art show ... in July for the Gay
and Lesbian Center i~ Hollywood where
50 percent of proceeds will go right into
the Gay and Lesbian Center and the
community. You'll also see my work at
Roche-Bobois as one of their international
artists. They're going to start carrying my
work in their San Francisco store. I've got
a play coming up that I'm rehearsing right
now, which I'm very excited about. It's at
Theatre Forty in Los Angeles. It's not a gay
role, which is just fine by me, but it's a twoperson show and it's good. [MelanyJoyBeck]
Stilettos and Stripper Poles
A camp classic returns
This year marks the 15th anniversary of the highest grossing
NC-17 movie of all time: the Gina Gershon-Elizabeth
Berkley catfight dramedy, Showgirls. In honor of that notquite barely-legal status, MGM Home Entertainment is
releasing the Showgirls 15th Anniversary Btu-Ray Edition.
Watch a na·ive Nomi (Saved By the Bell's Berkley) get her
big break at the Stardust Casino only to discover how
rough-and-tumble Vegas is. Better yet, marvel at sexy sinister Gina Gershon
(left) and their lesbian kiss and wonder
why we didn't realize this film would be a
camp classic in 1995. The Blu-ray includes
a lap dance tutorial by the girls of Scores, a
Showgirls Diary storyboard-to-screen
featurette and an all-new Stilettos and
Stripper Poles $-factor instructional by
Sheila Kelley, the most popular pole dance
and striptease workout designed by a
woman for women (who like to excercise in
heels or watch other women do so). [DAM]
And While You're Buying DVDs ...
Twoof thebiggestlesbianDVDreleases
thisyearare
fromlesbian-owned
WolfeVideo.SharonGlessstars
in HannahFree,in whichtwo Midwesternwomen
maintaintheir loveaffair througha marriage,
familydenialandwar.TheDVD
offersinterviews
with Gless,writerClaudia
Allen,lesbiandirector
WendyJo Carltonandothercrewmembers.
Also
out:the irresistiblyromanticAndThenCameLola
(above).Avatarrakedin $2.6billion
worldwidein theaterssoyouprobably
sawit, but it's wortha secondgander
on DVD
to revisitthe sexytrio of
Sigourney
Weaver,
ZoeSaldanoand
MichelleRodriguez
(bottomright).
AndTVon DVDoffersup Fiona,the
gun-wieldingformerIRAfighter(bottom
left)andSharonGlessin BurnNotice
Season
3. FamilyGuyVolumeB is astrashtastic
as always,andwe lovetheepisode"FamilyGay"
thatseesPetergoinggayandgueststarsMeredith
Baxter.AmericanDadVolume
5 boaststonsof
gayinnuendo
fromtheboys,butit's bisexualmom
Francine
(whoinitiatesa three-wayin oneepisode), ~
somelesbianstrippersandfeministstonerdaughter z
~
Haleywhomakeit a must-ownDVD.
[Diane
~
Anderson-Minshal~
!z
w
.J
<.!)
i'c
w
z
~
::,
~
~
.J
~
~
:i:
Q.
~
60
I curve
REVIEWSTech Girl
Lez Be in Touch
Stay in the lezzie loop with these iPhone apps. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
HANDHELD
PRIDE
By now,·almost every tech dyke has an iPhone. And
whether you're using it to bump digits with the hot
girl at the cafe, listen to the best new women's music on
Pandora or check your bank balance at Wells Fargo or
Chase before you buy that round of shots at the dyke
bar, it's clear that iPhones and their apps are impacting
the queer community. Here are eight of our favorite
sapphic,centric apps for your must download list:
Thefolksat BlackBerry
are
GIRLRadio(PrideNation
Radio):Despite its name, this
remindingusof LGBThistory band (and their app) rocks the kind of hyper techno,
withthissexynewpurple
pop usually found in men's bars. If you want more
smartphone.
The"purple
hand"is anoldsignof queer variety in your lesbian listening, check out the rest of
liberation,
whichoriginates PrideNation Radio, which features queer tunes and
links you to the Proud Television and PrideNation
froma 1969protestat a
SanFrancisco
newspaper
in
networks, where you can create a profile, chat, email,
whichthe employees
dumped tr~de pies and instant message. (free, pridenation.com)
purpleinkontheprotesters.
In greatgayfashion,the
GayQuotes
(SusanBroadbent):
Once again finding your,
protestors
usedthat inkto
self as the awkward bystander in a catfight happening
drawphrasesandhandprints
all overthe newspaper's between your ex and her current girlfriend (who's
building.ThenewBlackBerry also your ex) at the bar? Subtly tune out the dyke
drama with GayQuotes, an endlessly entertaining
Curve8530(dubbedthe
"modernpurplehand") app full of with words, pictures, historic tidbits and
comesin violetor purplejust
trivia from queers. ($2, susanbraodbentapps.com)
in timefor Pride.There'seven
a newPrideappthat let's
GayCities,GayGlobe(GayCitiesInc; DavidReeves):
youdeclareyourself"2CUTE
New
apps highlighting the best in lesbian life in cities
2BSTR8"withyourphone
around the world make it easier to follow the rainbow,
insteadof onT-shirtstheway
we did it, well,backin 1969. brick road. Gay Cities' app gives you instant access to
Andthere'slotsmoreto love: basic info, maps, reviews and ratings from other LGBT
full QWERTY
keyboard,
media travelers for over 95 cities worldwide. Gay Globe helps
player,digitalcamera,GPS, you find the n~est queer place in your current location.
Wi-Fi,3Gspeedandsome
(free, gaycities.com/iphone; $1, discoglobe.blogspot.com)
sweetappsfor Facebook,
TwitterandMySpace.
Now
youcanphonein yourprotest L.A.Gay& LesbianGuide,GayNewYork(SutroMedia;
or postit onYouTube
instead. LovelySphere):Live like The L Word crew with the
($30withtwo-yearcontract, L.A. Gay & Lesbian Guide or take a bite out of the
blackberry.
com/curve)
[Diane Big Queer Apple with Gay New York. Both apps
Anderson-Minshal~ feature the latest on what's hot (and not) in two of
the dykiest cities in the U.S. ($2, sutromedia.com; $2,
screen and then pops the question for you by giving her
two availableanswer buttons. If"yes" is selected, you'll
hear cheering. If "no;' you'll hear the "sobbing of
your broken heart:' It's serious digital dyke drama.
($1, gingetjever.com)
50Ultimate
Lesbian
Cocktails
(JoltOS):This fun app gives
you images and on,the,go recipes for"25 Butch Drinks
for the Fem Chick, and 25 Fem Drinks for the Butch
Gal;' all ch<?senby Angie Jackson, a lesbian mixologist.
A cute app for the casual drinker looking to mix things
up. ($2, lesbianSO.com)
GirlFun1-Adventuresin LesbianLoving(Andrews
UK
limited):Guaranteed to make your morning commute
a little more ... interesting. From the U.K:s well,known
erotic fiction producers Xcite books, this app promises
"twenty tales of lip,smacking lesbian action;' featuring
"soft lips on smooth, supple skin, slender curves inter, §"
locking:'You get the idea. ($8, andrewsuk.com)
a
u..
a:
::>
lovelysphere.com)
iPropose-LesbianEdition(GingerFever):This app
advertises itself as a "lighthearted way of proposing,"
that is "not intended as a substitution for romance:' This
app posts a picture of a wedding cake topper made of
two matching white,dress lezzies on your girl's iPhone
62
Icurve
SurfGirls(PinkClouds):
Of course, if you really want
to class up that $300 phone, there's Surf Girls, an
app boasting the "best collection of bikini girls for
iPhone:' Don't worry, we won't tell everyone that
you look forward to their regular Monday updates.
($3, surfgirls.moogo.com) ■
~
~
i
UJ
~
~
~
~
¼!
:E
She's A Little Bit Country continued from page 43
know. And there's a reason why: the stakes are
high. I'm not at the end of my career. You know,
this can likely be the end of my livelihood.
Andyou'rewillingto takethatrisk?
[Exhales] I have to. I will never be whole if I
don't do this.
·1thinkmaybeyourfanswill surpriseyoutoo.
Some might. It's going to break my heart to
lose my country music fans. I [know] what
people say about, about gays: That we're sick,
that we're making a choice and that we're
going to burn in hell. I can tell you that I
know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I
won't be burning in hell. But some will tell
me that I will, some will send me hate mail
and tell me that they're never going to buy a
record of mine again. I'm OK. I'm at peace
with the uncertainty of that ... ! lost the only
thing that really mattered.
Haveyoutalkedtoyourfonnerpartner
recently?
No. I mean, we email a couple of times a
year [because] we own property together. I
broke her heart, she-we broke one another's
hearts over this thing. I've spent a lot of time
writing this book, falling in love with her
again and going through the trauma of the
breakup again. One of my best friends ... is
Mary Karr, the great memoirist who wrote
Ihe Liars Club and Cherry and her newest
bestseller called Lit, and she said, Chel, the
reason you feel scooped out is because yo!-]wrote a good memoir. It's because you really
cracked y~urself completely open and you
went all the way back in. To really write a
book that's worth anything you have to relive
it and I did. I doubt that [my ex] and I will
ever be able to be anything again, but I know
I will never ever lose love because I'm hiding
again. I'll never do it.
Areyou'reopento love?Areyoureadyto move
onandwelcome
thenextloveofyourlife?
I am. That relationship ended in 2005. We
tried to get back together in 2006 and againI mentioned the Band- Aid on the gaping
wound-that's what that was: I've been doing
a lot of work on mysel£ I'm in great emotional
form and I do want love in my life. I want the
right love in my life. But a commitment I made
to myself through this pilgrimage of writing
the book and being in this seclusion, was that
during this time I wouldn't get into another
relationship because I would never again ask
someone to keep my secret. I don't go out
and date on the down low. It's a commitment
I made to myself and to anyone I would have
a relationship with: Never again am I going to
ask someone to keep my secret. It's a cancer.
So, yes, I am open to the right love. It might be
in five years, it might be in five days. Perhaps
I've already met her. I don't know. But I don't
want to spend my life alone, for sure.
BoththealbumandthebookdebutonMay4th.
Doesthatfeellikethedayyournewlifebegins?
[Editor'sNote:Thisinterviewoccuredbefore
Wright's
publicannouncemen~
It's passing a threshold. Some of my best
friends back in Nashville don't even know.
I'll be making a few phone calls that week
before it all happens. But for the past couple
of years, even the just day-to-day phone calls
from my friends and texts, "What are you
doing today?" I've wanted to say,'Tm on the
floor writing a chapter of my memoir:' And
I couldn't. So my detachments-that
compartmentalizing that I lived through ...
it's at a fever pitch and I'm ready to just take a
breath and say,'Tm on to the next chapter of
my life:' I'm scared to death of May 4th. I'm
not coming out because I'm not scared. I'm
coming out because I'm not ashamed. But I
can tell you, I'm nervous and I'm anxious and
I'm not sleeping well. My emotions are high
and there are a lot of great emotions, too.
I sounds
likeit mightbea bigahadayforyour
friends,
too.
I think so. I'm sure some of them have done
some logistical math in their heads over the
years. I shared a house with a woman, we
seldom had anybody over. But the great
thing about the few close friends that I had
is that they would never have asked me. They
might have thought it, but they had _enough
respect for me to never ask me. But with that
kind of a relationship, there's a big void in
intimacy with your friends. One of my best
friends, his name is Jan, and he and his wife
Melissa, when I went home to Nashville ...
we went out to dinner and I did confide in
him and it was just a beautiful moment
because he finally understood why I was
breaking down in 2006. I love him so much.
He would ring my doorbell and text me and
say, "I just left soup on your porch. Eat it:'
He knew something was going on. He would
walk in my door and just hold me. No one
should hurt like that and not be able to have
someone say,"What's going onr"
In thepast,a lotofwomenjusttookthistothe
grave.Theynevercameout.I thinkwomenwill
takestrength
fromyourcomingout.
I just want to tell my truth and if it facilitates
any lesbian or young or old gay person, I
couldn't be more honored.
What'sthemostimportant
thingyouwant
peopleto knowaboutChelyWright?
That I'm incredibly proud to be who I am as
a person, and I always have been. I've hidden
who I am not because of being ashamed of
being gay, but because I felt like I had to. I
wish I could have done this sooner, but I did
the best I could do-and I hope my truth
will be helpful to the community. ■
~
sublime
JOURNEYS
l .877.805.7969
www. discoversublime. com
makeyour Africandreamscometrue.
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info
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June 2010
I
I 63
TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
...
Leila
Chieko
We first discovered Leila Chieko when she was modeling for Dyke
Tees and found out she was much more than just another pretty
face. A musician, actor and adventurer, Chieko explores territory
most people only read about. By Stephanie Schroeder
1. She'snotshyaboutbeingbi.Despite being
in a seven-year relationship with a woman,
Chieko identifies as bisexual. ''I've never
not been attracted to men;' she says. "I like
identifying as bi, but I also like being open to
whatever. Bisexuals have a bad rep, because
we're 'on the fence' or 'can't decide: But, I'm
really proud that I'm equally attracted to men
and women. It's not like I can't decide. I like
being in relationships with women, but when
talking about sexuality-I think guys are hot.
I don't hide that:'
2. She'sa geekgoddess.Studying Geology
at Portland Community College, Chieko has
discovered she really digs math. "It's because I
am a very organized meticulous person [and]
just love how there's always a solution:' Who
says cute girls can't add up the numbers?
v1s1tmg lava, discovering new things and
documenting them with her camera. Her
favorite subject: Landscapes and wild life. "I
took a really great trip in Southeast Oregon
and [photographed] the birds and longhorn
antelope, the lizards-anything nature:'
6. She'splaysdrumsand bass.Chieko has
accompanied out singer-songwriters such as
Ashleigh Flynn who play Pride events and
community centers. She's now in a band she
describes as "a bunch of boys" [Benjamin
Franklin Freeman]. "The bass guitarist is a
cross dresser, that's an angle:• Chieko has
also won Mackenzie River Gathering's 2002
Lilla Jewel Award for Emerging Artist,
performed at several Portland and Eugene,
Ore. Pride festivals and played drums in
projects including Vivian's Keeper, Myshkin's
Ruby Warblers and Lara Michell.
3. ShewritesHaikusforfun.It's something she
"I like identifying as bi,
but I also like being open
to whatever. Bisexuals
have a bad rep, because
we're 'on the fence' or
'can't decide.' But, I'm
really proud that I'm
equally attracted to men
and women."
does for kicks while she's driving. The meter
to Haikus is 5-7-5 and they are supposed
to be about nature. "I like the structure;' she
says. "Here's one she wrote last fall: Green to
red to ground/ leaves left pressed/ fall swept
concrete-maple stained decay:'
7. She does her homework.At Portland
Community College, Chieko takes three
classes a semester while also working 32
hours a week as the inventory manager at CD
Baby."I don't really go out as much anymore,
I'm doing homework, but I love it:'
4. She'sa lavaqueen.''There's just this raw
8. Sheplaysthe ukulele:She picked up the
energy;' she says about her obsession with
lava. Chieko grew up on the youngest of
the eight Hawaiian islands, the island
of Hawai'i, where one the most famous
and active volcanoes, Kilauea, is located.
Chieko says: "One year I went back and the
lava was flowing in a very accessible place. It
was the most profound experience I've ever
had. It's 50,000 degrees and lava is coming
from the center of the earth. You are seeing
new earth being formed in front of your
eyes ... I got obsessed. Pele [the goddess of
fire] kind of cursed me and I just have to
learn about it now:•
ukulele at age 4. "I grew up in Hawaii and
everyone there plays it at some point-they
teach you in school. My dad is a musician,
so it was natural for me to pick it up and it's
small and good for a little kid. But, I don't
play it seriously now:'
5. She'san adventurer.
Not one to sit on the
beach day after day, Chieko's vacations are
chock full of fun and exploration. Snorkeling,
64
Icurve
9. Sheacts and scoresmusic,too. Chieko
stars in and wrote the ~core for gay filmmaker Sarah Naomi Campbell's new film,
The Search,and plays the guitar, ukulele and
djembe througout the film.
1 O. She'san explorer.She says Hawaii is
her soul. "It's my home;' she says simply and
wants to someday move back to Hawaii to
study the mysterious ways of Pele, the Fire
Goddess at Kilauea Volcano. ■
REALITY
Olivia
2 celebrates
0 years - call for
PRIDE
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