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Description
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ToC Special Collector's Edition; Keeping up with the Cavanaghs by Diane Anderson-Minshall (p26); Lori Petty's Confessions by Melany Walters-Beck (p30); Cover: Lesbosploitation Theater! [Erin Cummings, America Olivo, Julia Voth] By Rachel Shatto and Kat Long (p32); Rugrat Roadtrip Across the U.S. (p36); 23 Budget Wedding Tips (p51); Activism in their Blood by Jaime Wetherbe (p42); R-Rated Parenting by Lori Selke (p44); Stuck in the Middle by Jenny Lovell (p46); Love is a Many Gendered Thng by Katrina Fox (p48); Three Times a Family by Katrina Fox (p50); Cover Photos by Kevin Warn & Cheryl Mazak
See all items with this value
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issue
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3
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Date Issued
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April 2010
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol20_No3_April-2010_0CR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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04
25274 80539 6
APRIL 2010 VOLUME 20#3
BRI06ESTORE
Sure, it's just a tire.
Like the Golden Gate is just a bridge.
Fordriverswho want to get themostout of theircars,
IT'SBRIDGESTONE
ORNOTHING.
TUR.ANZ~
bridgestonetire.com1-800-807-9555
tiresafety.com
PASSION
for EXCELLENCE
Lori Petty's Confession Bitch Slap's LesbosploitationStars
Budget
Weddi
TiP,
Features APRIL2010
26
Lesbosploitation?
Maybe. Hot?
Definitely!
Keeping up with the Cavanaghs
From A League of TheirOwn to Exes and Ohs,
Megan Cavanagh is living the American dream.
By DianeAnderson-Minshall
30
Lori Petty's Confessions
The TankGirl icon moves from action hero to
real life star. By Melany Walters-Beck
32
Lesbosploitation Theater!
Girl gangs, prison love and chicks with guns.
Oh my! A look at Bitch Slap, Stuck! and Hell on
Wheels.By RachelShatto and Kat Long
36'
Rugrat Roadtrip Across the U.S.
Family fun in the Sunshine State, a rainbowfriendly roadtrip. Plus, California adventures
for the whole brood.
51
23 Budget Wedding Tips
Say "I do" on a dime. Plus lesbian jewelers
offer up the perfect ring.
42
TheNewAmericanFamily
Activism in their Blood
Jenni Olson and Julie Dorf on raising a
family and fighting the good fight.
By Jaime Wetherbe.
44
46
R-Rated Parenting
Lesbian erotic producers Jackie Strano
and Shar Rednour on life in balance.
Plus, their sex tips for moms. By Lori Selke
Stuck in the Middle
Stories about lesbian parents raising kids
far from the liberal coasts. By Jenny Lovell
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50
Love is a Many Gendered Thing
Couples talk about finding love and overcoming challenges. By Katrina Fox
Three Times a Family
The story of one lesbian couple, two young
parents and three babies. By Katrina Fox
I-
Lori Petty
gets real
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Departments APRIL2010
Mary Daly took on the
church in our honor
A Pro-gay McCain?
6
8
9
10
16
17
18
20
21
64
IN EVERY ISSUE
Frankly Speaking
13
Letters
Contributors •
19
from the chick who gave us the tongue stud.
AstroGrrl
Open Studio
Out in Front
Lipstick & Dipstick
I Tried It
Health Advice: Keep it clean: Piercing tips
22
Dyke Drama
What would you give up to get grooving?
Celebrity Gossip
More messy Tila, Marilyn Manson's ex
gets her lez on, and is Aubrey O'0ay
Samantha Ronson's new squeeze?
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Politics
Sexual discrimination across the globe.
CIT
(/)
-
.
Music: Movin' to the beats of rapper
Katastrophe and melodic Saucy Monky.
Plus, a one-on-one with Billie Myers.
14
~
(/)
-
Top Ten Reasons We Love...
Remembering theologian Mary Daly,
Cindy McCain's pro-gay campaign and
Houston's got a new lesbian mayor.
~
::J
Scene
Curvatures
w
3
w
24
56
12
. fli
58
Books: A mother and daughter memoir,
a new gender studies text and a look at
the tattoed women of yore.
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Film: Sexy Spanish lezzie series Chica
Busca Chica, a film about a gay girl and
her insect friends. Plus, you'll love
Jennifer's Body.
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curve
It spent centuries on display in museums, while its subjects sat in a closet.
A TOLERANT WORLD IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. But we're getting there. At Progressive,we/
believe in respecting all people and finding beauty in their differences. It's just one way we live
up to our name. To learn more about our Works in Progressinitiative, visit progressive.com/lgbt.
Progressive Casualty Ins. Co. and its affiliates, Mayfield Village, OH.
PROGR£JJ/V£•
FRANKLY
SPEAKING
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
APRIL 2010
I
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 20 NUMBER 3
Publisher and Founder Frances Stevens
EDITORJAL
Editor in Chief Diane Anderson-Minshall
Managing Editor Kristin A. Smith
Associate Editor Rachel Beebe
Assistant Editor Rachel Shatto
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Music Review Editor Margaret Coble
Contributing Editors Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
EditorialAssistants Lisa Gunther, Sarah C. Jimenez, Stephanie Vernier
Bad Girlsand AmericanPie
In recent issues, we've run a poll on our letters page, asking you which of
two different cover options you prefer. Last month we reported the results
on two covers: Lea DeLaria vs. heiress Courtenay Semel. We loved the
heated responses we got so much, that we're taking it to a new level: we
are giving you two full-sized covers to pick from. Both covers focus on
special sections from within this issue: Lesbosploitation features interviews
with the actors of Bitch Slap,while our second cover, heralding the New
American Family, featured our first-ever cover with actor Megan Cavanagh.
Luckily, the definition of family continues to evolve beyond how anti-gay
groups see it. Today, there are all types of families and we're recognizing a
few of our community's family heroes, including Cavanagh, who first won
our hearts in 1992 as Marla Hooch, the hard-hitting second baseman, in
A League of Their Own. Since then, she's gone on to star on the big screen,
small screen, theater and the world of animation, most recently playing
Chris in the lesbian TV show, Exes and Ohs.
But, no role is more important to Cavanagh than that of partner and
mother. (And, if her son Brendan is any proo£ there's plenty of hope for the
next generation.) We have more families-some with kids, some withouttalking about creating families ( through birth, marriage or seduction in a
naughty toy store) that you won't want to skip.
On the flipside of our New American Family cover are the women of
Lesbosploitation Cinema, a cheeky genre of films that offers up girl gangs,
women-in-prison and fierce kick-ass chicks. Cover girls Erin Cummings,
America Olivo and Julie Voth, stars of the movie BitchSlap,are brimming
with hot Sapphic action. Hmm, hot married comic actors and sexy Sapphic
sexploitation:' Now you see why picking a cover is hard.
So it's your turn to vote on the winning cover. Go to curvemag.com and
tell us which cover you prefer and why. We'll let you know who the winner
was in an upcoming issue.
PUBLISHING
Director of Operations Flo Enriquez
Senior Advertising Executive Diana L Berry
Advertising Sales Rivendell Media
Advertising Intern Alvin Tam
Marketing Assistant Rose Tachis
ART
/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Photo Editor Hayley McMillen
Production Manager Ondine Kilker
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
Web Producer Nikki Woelk
Photo Assistant Brenda Armendariz
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Jamie Anderson, Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Bree
Clarke, Jennifer Corday, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Beren deMotier,
Ainsley Drew, Michele Fisher, Lauren Marie Fleming, Katrina Fox,
Tania Hammidi, Kathi lsserman, Gillian Kendall, Kate Lacey, Sheela
Lambert, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Ariel Messman-Rucker, Candace Moore, Alison Peters, Catherine
Plato, Aimsel L. Ponti, Heather Robinson, Laurie K. Schenden, Lori
Selke, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Robin Miner-Swartz, Yana TallonHicks, Kyra Thomson, Jocelyn Voo, Melany Walters-Beck
CONTRIBUTING
11.UJSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Paul Michael Aguilar, Erica Beckman, Brie Childers, Meagan
Cignoli, Cheryl Craig, JD Disalvatore, Tony Donaldson, Sophia
Hantzes, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van
Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••·•·•·••······························ ........................................ .
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, CA 94103
Phone (415) 863-6538 Fax (415) 863-1609
Advertising Sales (415) 863-6538 ext. 15
Subscription Inquiries (818) 286-3102
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••·····•·········································
Volume20 Issue 3 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc., 1550 Bryant St.,
Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian
(U.S. funds only)and $71.95 international(U.S. funds only). Returnedchecks wiHbe assessed
a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at addttional
mailing offices (USPS0010·355). Contents of Curve Magazinemay not be reproduced in any
manner,either whole or in part, without written pennissionfrom the publisher. Publication of
the name or photograph of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in
Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual orientation of that individualor ~
unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and
artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient
materials. Submissions cannot be returned unless a self·addressed stamped envelope is
included. No responsibilityis assumedfor loss or damages.The contents do not necessarily
represent the opinions of the editor, unless specificaJlystated. All magazines sent discreetly.
Subscription Inquiries: Pleasewrite to Curve, 1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510, San Francisco,
CA 94103, email shop@curvemag.com, or call 818·286·3102. Canadian Agreement
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•
L Word Star Elizabeth Keener
Most people know Elizabeth Keener from her turn as rival club
owner (and lover of Cindy) Dawn Denbo on The L Word. Suzanne
Westenhoefer sits down with Keener to get the skinny on her new
projects, going toe-to-toe with Shane and what she and Clementine
Ford still do over the phone.
•
Gay Gotham Digs
Business partners and real-life couple Marie-Claire Martineu
and Elaine Comerford's talk about how their company, Maison
International, helps people find a home away from home in New
York City.
How to Tie the Knot Without Breaking the Bank
This month we are bursting at the seams with wedding tips and
goodies. Check out curvemag.com for even more Curvette tips,
alternative ring ideas and online resources to help you make your
special day a success. Plus, a budget wedding cake!
Hearts for Madalene
Every Monday, artist Page Hodel created a heart for
partner, Madalene, to discover. Sadly, a year after the
pair met, Madalene passed away from ovarian cancer,
but Hodel continued to create the hearts in her honor.
The result was the stunning book Monday Hearts for Madalene.
Read our interview with Hodel.
Hot Hotels and Traveling With Your Pets
From San Diego, New York City and Seattle to the Caribbean,
we've got the scoop on some fabulous accommodations in
places you'll be happy to rest your weary head. Plus, learn
how to travel with Fido without drama.
Curve Magazine Pride
Parade Float Design Contest
Would you like to help create a design for curve's 2010
San Francisco Pride Parade float entry? This year marks
curve's 20th anniversary and we're celebrating all year
long ... including entering an amazing float into the San
Francisco Pride Parade!
The 2010 San Francisco Pride Parade's theme is
"Forty and Fabulous" and entries should focus around
the celebration of curve turning 20!
Prizes: The winning designer(s), as chosen by the curve magazine
staff, will receive recognition in curve (on curvemag.com), four (4)
grandstand tickets and four (4) VIP reception tickets to the 2010
San Francisco LGBT Pride Parade.
Design ideas with a simple sketch must be received by 1 :00 p.m.
on Monday, April 26, 2010. Please send to 1550 Bryant Street, Suite
510. See curvemag.com for full contest rules.
April 201017
LETTERS
sank and jaw dropped when
idea shouldn't go overlooked
I saw no mention of who I
by anyone. - michelle08,via
consider the queen of rock:
curvemag.com
Are you planning to
Melissa Etheridge! How
• get hitched?
could you leave her out? Did
Chappell will lead the way for
you miss her two Live and
a new avenue of great storytellI wish.I'm.stillwaitAlone tours, where she held
ing
... without the censorship.
ingfor Ms.Right
audiences of thousands in
- marisangiovanni,via curveMaybe.I'm considthe palm of her hand with
mag.com
eringpoppingthe
that soul-filling 12-string? •
question
What about her jam sessions
Buggin' Out
Yes.Thedate
with her lead guitarist Philip?
Crickets?
scorpions? Worms?
is set
She's one of the few people,
Gross. Writer Mary McGrath
Alreadylivin'in
much less women, left today
is courageous for trying these
weddedbliss
who can rock a 12-string
bug-licious epicurean treats
0/ No.Marriage
to its full potential. Not to
[Vol. 20 #1). Who knew
lO just isn'tfor me
mention her music plays as
coming out of the closet really
the soundtrack to so many of
means that you no longer have
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
our lives. She will always be
to hide yourself as a bug eater~
No. 1 in my heart and on my iPod! - Lauren It's a brave new world. - IngridHart, Rancho
Poll
38%
27%
12%
12%
11
Loving Lucky in Love
I thoroughly enjoyed the story "Luck Be A
Lady" about Jill Bennett and Cathy DeBuono
by Rachel Shatto [Vol. 20 #l). I praise
DeBuono for her statements about tolerance
versus acceptance. I totally agree that we, as
the gay community, have been too quiet, too
polite and it's time to step it up. Praise also
goes to the couple's activism and passion. If we
are to see equality in our lifetime, we need to
stop complaining and get up an_ddo something
about it. Procrastination doesn't get us our
freedom. It's time to unite and watch our flag
ascend! - Amanda Kinder, Talco,Texas
Playing Into Her Hands
I am just now reading my copy of curve and I
see a tiny picture of playing cards with pictures
of your two cover girls [Table of Contents, Vol.
20 #1). It made me think, why hasn't someone
suggested making a deck of cards with 52 of
your best past covers on the back? What great
Christmas gifts for us poker playing lesbians.
I would buy a dozen just to give them to my
friends who only play solitaire. What a cool
deck of cards that would be! The only drawback I can see would be choosing the best 52
covers. - Cheryl Ruppert,Jacksonville,Fla.
T. Cox,FortSmith,Ariz.
WriterJamieAnderson
responds:
I love me
some Melissa as much as the next lesbian.
Her performancesare blow-your-hair-back
amazing, but any intermediateguitar player
can crank out "Bring Me Some Water." Too
bad she can't shred like Allison Robertson or
play Bach like Sharon Isbin.
Cordova,Calif.
Behind the Scenes
Overjoyed with Otalia
I just love that curve is writing about "our
girls'' Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia [curvemag.com and Film Q&A, Vol. 20 #2)! We
were thrilled with their support of the LGBT
community on GuidingLight and so look forward to following them on their web series,
Venice.We realize they are different characters
and it's not Otalia 2.0, but I just love the idea
of a web series showing LGBT characters.
Now if we can get our 'Jelly Bean'' to make an
appearance in season two! - Raahchestergal,
via curvemag.com
Venice is a gift that keeps on giving. I love
the show and, most importantly, the motivation for it. These people are amazing and this
Megan Cavanagh,her partner,
Anne, and son, Brendan,represent
the new Americanfamily.But no
Americanfamily scene is complete
withoutapple pie, so photographer
CherylMazak {frontcenter)brought
one to this month'sbonuscover
shoot.Curve's photo editor,
Hayley McMillan {back right),says
Cavanaghhad everyonecracking
up with "Y'allwant some pie?" in a
sweet Southernaccent. They had
so muchfun the shoot couldn'tbe
containedby the studiowalls and
spilledout onto the streetsof San
Francisco'sCastroDistrict.
Editor'sNote:Great idea, Cheryl!Maybe we'll
use this to commemorateour 20th Anniversary.
Girls With Guitars
I was quite excited when I saw the "20 Greatest
Female Guitarists" [Vol. 20 #l) feature. I am a
huge fan of great, musical women. But my heart
s Icurve
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CONTRIBUTORS
"When I was 16 and watching Dynasty, I wanted Joan Collins to
be my girlfriend;' reveals contributing writer KatrinaFox,who wrote
"Love Is a Many Gendered Thing" on page 48. ''I've always been a
sucker for an older, camp, self-assured, glamorous woman, and
I got that in spades when I met my partner, Tracie, in 1991. Add
•..
compassion, intelligence and an appreciation of disco tunes into the
mix and I knew I'd found my soul mate. When I learned she was
.,
1
a trans woman, it only made her more fabulous:' That first fateful
meeting led Fox on a 19-year journey of discovery into the lives of sex
and gender diversity, a topic she's written about extensively for both queer and mainstream
media. She's the editor of three books on the topic, including Trans Peoplein Love (routledge.com)
and is the editor-in-chief of TheScavenger, an online magazine.
·~·.(···
'-"
While our
associate editor
Rachel Beebe has
been gestating a
baby bump, we've
all been birthing
some plans of
our own: for our
20th anniversary
"I had an amazing time at curve and learned a lot both about
myself and the magazine industry;' says former photo assistant
Brenda
Armendariz,
who shot the "Hot Tee of the Month" on page 12.
Armendariz is currently a photography student at San Francisco's
Academy of Art University. "To me photography is just a single, twodimensional image, and, while it really only engages one of the five
senses, it can do amazing things;' says Armendariz. "Photography
can tell a story or evoke a whole range of emotions:'
gala, our first
curve
awards and, finally,our
announcementof the resultsof
our unprecedented100 most
desireablequeer women poll. As
Beebe goes on mommy leave for
four months,the rest of us will
be working on our anniversary
"Most couples spend $17,000 on their weddings. We planned ours
for under $2000;' says contributing writer Serena
Freewomyn,
who
wrote"Have Your Wedding Cake and Eat It, Too" on page 52. She
and her partner, Shannon, celebrated their commitment to each
other last April. "When we originally decided to tie the knot, we
worried about going into debt to throw a p~rty. That just wasn't
in line ~ith our core values. We started researching wedding
planning and discovered that most of the budgeting advice was
not aimed at queer couples. I decided to come up with my own
list of budgeting tips for same-sex couples so that we could all
have the wedding of our dreams, even on a shoestring budget:' Now that Freewomyn is done
wedding planning, she spends her time keeping up with her dog and four cats. She writes for
Feministsforchoice.com and Queercents.com, and is currently working on a novel about the
women's suffrage movement.
plans. But, before we sail farther
into the '00s, we need to know
more about you, too. So please
go to pg. 25 and fill out our reader
survey.In this era of digital and
print reinvention,we want to make
sure the changes we make down
the line are the ones you want to
see. It's free, fast, anonymousand
if yours is one of the entries we
randomlyselect, you'll win a free
copy of The L Word: Final Season
DVD or Chris Pureka'snew CD
N.
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How I Learned to See in the Dark.
Several Curvettes are celebrating new life this spring and-in honor of our
annual Family issue-we'd like to give a shout-out to the new moms in our
ranks. Contributing writer Melany Walters-Beck welcomed her daughter,
Lucie, in 2009. Contributing writer Myra Lavenue has her
hands full with her adorable daughter, Claire Margaret,
who will be 10 months old this month. And, by the time you
read this, associate editor Rachel Beebe will be the proud
new mom of her first son.
Congratulations to them all!
Gayby boom (from left): Rachel
Beebe; Claire Margaret Lavenue;
Melany Walters-Beckwith her
daughters,Stella and Lucie
Best yet, you'll tell us who you are
and what you want and we'll cater
to your needs. How often does
that happen?
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Editor in Chief
April 2010
I9
ASTRO
GRRL
Spring Into Her Arms
Will a new romance brighten up your April showers? By Charlene Lichtenstein
Aries(March21-April20)
Sex:You can dazzle a certain lady with your generosity.
Spread your largess along with your scented oil and
see what you can get cooking. Who says money can't
buy-love? Career:Expect some romance on the job this
April, but tread carefully. She can upend your corp,
orate world. Better manifest your own destiny, unless
you want to be a kept woman.
Libra(Sept24--0ct.23)
Sex: Turn on your most provocative and sensual
feelings and see who you attract. If you could bottle
what you have boiling inside of you-you could make
millions. Career:Even if corporate projects are taking
longer than you expect, keep plugging away.You could
get ahead with the help of powerful girlfriends. Or will
you just get head? •
Taurus(April21-May21)
Sex:Where does all this sexy charm of yours come
from? You are a babe magnet this April. Don't ask
why. Ask when, where, how and, most importantly,
who. Career:Find any excuse to work from home. At
least those "casting couch" meetings will have more
comfortable furniture.
Scorpio(Oct24-Nov.22)
Sex:Your partner needs a little love and affection now.
You tan bring her to a luster all through the month
if you can rub,a,dub with passion. Career:This is the
time to make your big corporate move. You have a
rocket in your pocket and enough insider knowledge
to cause an explosion. Light up the skies.
Gemini(May22-June21)
passion and give you time to plan your next move.
Career:You feel the need to call it as you see it ...
Is that really necessary? Sometimes silence speaks
volumes. Hint, hint.
Sagittarius
(Nov.23-Dec.22)
Sex:Are you spending more time than usual at the
gym? Swimsuit season is almost here and you will
want to get the girls drooling. Career:If there is an
opportunity to travel for business, go for it. Spread
your talents globally, and if you make a mistake, no
one will know.
Cancer(June22-July23)
Sex:There is a certain gal pal who could turn into a
lovergrrl, if that's what you want. Do you know who
she is? If so, are you ready to make the first move?
Career:
You make money hand over fist this April. But
isn't it better to keep both hands open:' Better still,
unpack your net.
Capricorn
(Dec.23-Jan.20)
Sex:Romance is in the air, along with a few creative
diversions. One will elevate you to new artistic heights,
while the other will bring you low and get you delight,
fully dirty. Try not to confuse the two. Career:
You get
to play a game of Risk with other people's money. This
is great if you invest carefully and wisely. Oh dear.
Leo(July24--Aug.
23)
Sex:You manage to capture the adoration of the power
elite. Quick, make your move while they are dazzled
and dazed. Career:Yoµ are not only the epicenter of
power and expertise at work, you have a gravitational
force that pulls followers toward you. What time is the
coup d'etat?
Aquarius(Jan.21-t=eb.19)
Sex:Find any excuse to lounge around the house and
be delicious, decadent and debauched. Who needs
spring cleaning when you can get down and dirty?
Career:Business partnerships prove to be valuable, so
cut a certain someone a bit of slack and allow them to
prove their worth. Some folks change. Others are just
good for dollars.
FIERY
RAMSLOVE Sex:Be a bit mysterious with a certain lady. Pique her
HARD
ANDLOYALinterest in a myriad of creative ways-it'll excite her
Whena Ram-bogirl loves
you,shelovesyouwithall her
heartandsoul.Thereis nocoy
approach,
nofunnygamesor
cat-and-mouse
pasdedeuxunlessshe'sdoingthedeuxing.
Shewill probablyonlyhavea
handfulof loversthroughout
herlife (unlikefickleGemini
girls,whooftenrackthemup
intothethousands)
andshe
will remainloyalas longasshe
doesn'tfeeltakenadvantage
of.
Flirtation,
if it comesat all,will
manifestin theearlystagesof
therelationship.
Assoonasshe
is comfortable,
shegetsdown
to basicsandbusiness.
Mtrologer Charlene Virgo(Aug.24--Sept23)
Uchtensteinis the Sex:Travel is highlighted this April, so you can mingle
authorof Herscopes:and swingle in many delightful locales.1 As long as
A Guideto Astrology you're doing it with April, make room for May and
forLesbians.
Getmoreatthestarry June, too. Career:
You may be thinking of finally putting
eye.com
orcheckoutherblogat your secretive plans to work at work. Ah, but the__n
they
thestarryeye.typepad.com. wouldn't be secrets. Stay hush,hush a little longer.
1ojcurve
Pisces(Feb.2o-March20)
Sex:You can attract her with just your sugary words
this April. See how sticky she can get and then really
pour on the sauce. Career:You are on the short list at
work. Is it because of your magnificent personality?
Better check which list that is on. Ahem. ■
999
WHICHIS HOTTER?
Turnsoutgentlemen
aren't
theonlyoneswhoprefer
blondes.
Lesbians
aregiving
secondglancesto brunette
musicianKatherine
McPhee,
whopren:iiered
a dykey
newblonde'dofor 2010.ls
battingfor ourteammuch
furtheraway?
AFTER
~
RACHEL
MADDOW
HASA
. CRUSH!
Lesbian Feminist Theologian Mary Daly Dies
Theology and the church were among the most
profoundly difficult areas for feminists to navigate
at the beginning of the second wave of feminism.
Addressing God, the patriarchy and the role of
women in the church seemed far more complicated
than the bread-and-butter issue of equal pay for equal
work. But Mary Daly changed all that.
No other modem-day feminist influenced radical feminism to the degree that Daly did. Daly was
singular even among people like Andrea Dworkin,
Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Audre Lorde and
Robin Morgan.
Daly was raised in the Catholic Church and she
attended Catholic schools and universities. When I
met her, in the mid-1970s, she was teaching at Boston
College, one of the nation's foremost Catholic institutions. Daly understood the workings of the church
like no one I had ever met, and for a Catholic girl who
had chafed against the church as I had, Daly and her
vision were revelatory. I was not alone in that perception. When Daly died at 81 on January 4, 2010, the
"I ToldYouSoistrue,terrifying,andcoffee-out-your-nose
funny.I loveKateClinton.Buythe
book,or I'll sicthe NSAonyourass."
sheer range of obituaries published about her death
showed the impact her work had on theology and
feminist theory.
Daly had three doctorates-in
religion, sacred
theology and philosophy-but
she was more than
just a theologian who was also a feminist. She was
a radical theorist who rei~serted women into the
dialogue about God and religion from which they
had been excised. She took on male theologians and
patriarchy, which she would come to call the primary
religion of men.
Her early theological writing criticized what she
called "androcentrism;' a male-centered view of the
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world. In her pivotal book Beyond God the Fathershe explored how Western religion changed
God into an oppressor of women. In later books, notably Gyn/Ecologyand Pure Lust, she
broadened her scope to include the patriarchy as a whole, theorizing that men had oppressed
women from the beginning of time and had used religion to do so.
Daly's iconoclasm often caused controversy. In 1968, Boston College tried to fire her after
her book The Churchand the SecondSex was published. In it, Daly asserted that the Catholic
Church had oppressed women for centuries.
In 1999, she was forced to retire from Boston College, where she had taught for 33 years,
cc
when she refused to allow male students to take her advanced women's studies courses. (She
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allowed male students into her introductory courses and did offer independent study courses
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for male students, but felt that even the presence of men in her classrooms was oppressive to
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a United States law that ensures equal access to education, regardless of gender. The law was
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to withdraw her tenure and forced her to resign. An out,ofcourt settlement allowed her to
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retire. Daly wrote about the conflict in her book Amazon Grace.
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Daly's radicalism also caused conflicts and controversy within the queer community. She
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rights activist and a lesbian activist. Daly said that women were her primary focus in
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The Gaydar
Here's a taste of lesbians in pop culture this month.
Who missed the mark and who was right on target?
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AnimalLoversEllen
DeGeneres
andTim
Gunnare namedPETA's
womanand manof the
yearfor their work
on animalrights
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YaMarsha
missthe lesbo
gent(played
ha Thomason
'hiteCollarev
if it weren'tf
'
the rundown
Aspartof a settlement
withJennifer
Donovan,
a lesbianparkrangerwhofileda harassmentsuitin SanDiegoCounty,
theCalifornia
Department
of ParksandRecreation
isforminga
taskforceto explore
harassment
againstwomen
andLGBT
employees.
Donovan
saysco-workers
leftunderwear,
sextoysandobscene
drawings
in herlocker
...Thinking
abouthooking
upat
work?Becareful.
Twofemaleteachers
were
caughtwiththeirshirtsoffandtheirpantsdown
in anemptyclassroom
at JamesMadison
High
Schoolin Brooklyn.
Thelanguage
teachers
wereallegedly
foundtogether
bya janitor
whiletheirclasses
wereat anevening
talent
showintheauditorium.
Theyarebothbeing
investigated
for misconduct.
..TeahWimberly,
a 16-year-old
lesbian
fromFlorida,
hasbeen
foundguiltyof second-degree
murderfor killing
a classmate
andchildhood
friend.Sheshotand
killedAmanda
Collette,
a 15-year-old
student,
afterCollette
rejected
herromantic
advances.
Wimberly's
attorney
usedaninsanitydefense,
arguingthatshehadsuffered
yearsof physical,
sexualandemotional
abuse
...CarolAnnDuffy,
(below)
hasbecome
Britain's
._ t
firstopenlygaypoetlaureate
and
thefirstwomanto receive
the
prestigious
awardin its341-year
history.Duffysaidin aninterview
withbest-selling
lesbianauthor
Jeanette
Winterson
thatshe
is "nota lesbianpoet,whatever
thatis."She
continued,
"If I ama lesbianiconanda role
model,that'sgreat,butif it's a wordthatis
usedto reduceme,thenyouhaveto askwhy
someone
wouldwantto reduce
me"...KatyPerrywascalled
outbyGLAAD
aftersheposted
pictures
of a nakedtransgender
manto herTwitteraccount
and
ridiculed
himwiththecomment,
"I knewthoselittlewhitelast
weekofthebirthcontrolpillswouldstillhavean
effectonyourbody!FU"...PresidentObama
mightnothavedelivered
onall hispromises
to theLGBT
community,
buthehasmadea
fewgooddecisions.
TheSenate
confirmed
his
nominee
for U.S.Marshal
in theMinnesota
district,SharonLubinski,
makingherthefirst
lesbianU.S.Marshal
inthecountryandthefirst-....
femaleMarshal
inthestate.Plus,
Obama's
latestpickforseniortechnicaladvisor
to theU.S.Commerce
Department,
AmandaSimpson,
is believed
to bethefirstopenly
transgender
presidential
appointee
.
[Sassafras
Lowrey]
I
()
~
Obstruction
of Justice?TheU.S.
SupremeCourtrefusesto allow Prop.8
trials to be airedlive on YouTube
April 2010
I 13
LESBOFILE
Takea Peek
With this much dyke drama, we just can't look away. By Jocelyn Voo
LeakedFootageandCelebutant
Battles
Frankly, I'm surprised that a Tila Tequilasex
Tequila's behavior suggested that she was
increasingly floating away on a cloud of crazy,
tape took this long to surface. But now it declaring on Twitter that she was pregnant
looks like the little lady's getting herself into as the surrogate mom for her brother and
a huff because others are making a profit off his wife's child. She recanted days later,
her nude gallivanting.
saying she planned to be the surrogate mom
After ex-boyfriend and NFL player in the future.
Shawne Merriman allegedly beat up Tequila,
But, after Johnson passed away in January,
she posted a video rant on Ustream, during Tequila upped the ante by sucking every last
which she dances around naked, talks Paula bit of fame from the tragedy. She became
Abdul-gradegibberish and lashes out at hysterical when Nicky Hilton and Bijou
Merriman. Tequila's attorney has since taken Phillips went to retrieve Johnson's belongings
down the video, saying that Tequila's lapse in and two dogs, because she claimed that they
sanity may have been caused by the incident
were going to put the dogs down (which
with Merriman.
Phillips denied). Then she tweeted about
But then-surprise,
surprise-a
real sex how she was going to meet the Johnson
tape emerges! A scant 10-second ~lip of family prior to Casey's death ("Not true;' a
Tequila playing with a man's penis was up- family spokesperson told the New YorkPost).
loaded to the free porn site 4tube.com. Tequila Denied, Tequila turned to Twitter to unleash
claims the clip came from a stolen laptop. her fury, claiming that the Johnsons acted
Kevin Blatt, a celebrity sex tape distributor,
like they were better than her because "they
seems to corroborate Tequila's story, saying have money;' and also that she was "the only
1 who loved her:'
.two guys shopped it to him two years ago.
However, Tequila denies the existence
Since then, Tequila has continued to
of a longer sex tape, even though Blatt told pick fights on Twitter with everyone from
Rada.rOnline.com he's seen the 15-minute
Courtenay Semel to Megan Fox. Someone
video with "her in a variety of different
needs to get this girl some help.
positions."
Indeed, luck has not been on Tequila's Pin-UpQueen
Prepare yourself: Pin-up queen Dita Von
side lately. Even before her maybe-maybe
not fiancee CaseyJohnson's
sudden death, Teese,known equally for having dated shock14
Icurve
rocker Marilyn Manson as for having an
impossibly tiny waistline, will now be known
for something sexier-topless
photos of
her and another female model dressed in
menswear and posing in racy entwinements
( think licking, spanking, undressing). The
shoot, done back in 1999, is everything you'd
expect from Von Teese-classy, erotic black
and white photos-and
we're having a hard
time turning our eyes away. Ladies, if you're
able to pass on these pictures, you might as
well turn in your L card right now.
DissedBytheDJ
~
0
Q.
Trading one bisexual for another might ~
seem par for the course, but for DJ Samantha ~
Ronson,
it just wasn't happening.
~
While spinning at a Las Vegas party, ~
Ronson was given the full peacock show ~
by ex-Danity Kane singer and reality starlet ~
w
Aubrey 0'0ay, who deliberately planted :::l
[jj
herself on top of a table right in front of the ~
DJ booth, bumping and grinding like it was 3
her job.
•~
"She was doing everything to get Samantha's ~
attention, including grinding her derriere
on the glass partition that blocked off the ~
booth;' one witness told the New York
Post. But she might as well have saved her ~
time. "Samantha totally ignored her," said 5
the witness. ■
~
i
I
* IOOLJAR~Tlfi
•
•..-"'~
~
-
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~
• ~9M~trs
MU'..
OPENSTUDIO
Forman's work (clockwise
from left): Girl with a Bird,
Sisters, Once Young,
Blue Egg, Letting Go
Our Placein-theNaturalWorld
Fran Forman explores connections with collage. By Heather Robinson
The word "collage" comes from the French coller,which
means, literally,"to glue:' Fran Forman uses virtual glue and
her trusty computer to create striking images that juxtapose
modern and bygone worlds in startling ways.
Until just a few years ago, Forman was a corporate
website designer by day and an artist by night. When her
job ended, she made art her full,time priority and hasn't
looked back since. "It was fantastic because I suddenly
found mysel£ at this stage of my life, with the freedom to
really create things that have been sitting in my head:'
Though her pieces usually focus on a single 19th,
century portrait, the,re are larger themes at work. "My
art reflects our connection to, and interdependence on,
the natural world and the generations that preceded us.
I think my images show that we re not alone in the world,
that we need to celebrate our relationship to the
animals, land and oceans with whom we share
this planer:'
Forman's commitment to the environment and
social justice was hatched as she came of age in the
1960s. After receiving her master's degree in social
work, she spent two years working with heroin
addicts."It was a time in which, honestly, I couldn't
really imagine that doing art, for me, would make
16lcurve
a difference in the world. It felt too narcissistic:'
But Forman eventually found herself obeying her artistic
inclinations, more interested in rearranging her office
space and imagining possible wall colors than completing
the tasks shed been hired to do. So, she began exploring
her creative side and eventually got a master's degree in
graphic design and photography.
Though Forman has pursued jewelry making, sculpture
and painting, she always finds herself coming back to col,
lage."I used to make collages when I was a kid and I would
use these kinds of images, a lot of found objects and a lot
of old photographs:'
Forman's art has been featured in Calyx, a journal of art
and literature by women, and has also graced book covers
and magazines. Her work is part of the permanent collec,
tion at Houston's Museum of Fine Arts and the Griffin
Museum of Photography in Winchester, Mass.
In 2008, Forman returned to her activist roots to work
full,time for the Obama presidential campaign. "I loved
the energy and excitement-and
also because I was so
terrified of what the outcome would be if we didn't winI just really threw myself into it:' Though she's not taking
all the credit, she is proud that every state she worked on
voted Democratic. ■
OUTINFRONT
:•
..Slee lessKni hts
..
..
Three tireless activists coming to the rescue of the community. By Sheryl Kay
.•
Old-School
Activist
: : In thelate1950s,JeriDilnodroppedout of high
school and joined the Air Force. "I thought I
could make it through two years of enlistment,
then Officer Candidate School and the relative
freedom accorded officers;' she says.
Instead, she was outed and given an
"undesirable discharge" only three days
before her date of separation. The incident,
: : though devastating and demoralizing also lit
•, a fire in her heart that still burns today. Dilno
became active in the Philadelphia LGBT
community and, ten years later, helped push for
a gay rights march in that city. She went on to
organize San Diego's first Pride Parade, while
serving as the first female executive director
of the city's LGBT Community Center. Her
experiences at the center led her to work on
the statewide committee organized to defeat
Proposition 6 (the Briggs Initiative) and also
to work on the 1987 March on Washington.
Dilno has been active in national, state and
local politics for years, serving four terms as
the president of the San Diego Democratic
Club, the city's oldest and largest LGBT
political organization, and as an out delegate
at three Democratic National Conventions
as well as several state party conventions. She
was also a co,chair of the LGBT Caucus of
the California Democratic Party.
While she notes that our community has
the resources to change things, she reminds
people to "always be vigilant of your rights
as a citizen, and your responsibility to safe,
guard them:'
Building
Connections
~
i
rrJ
~
~
5
cf
As the crisis project director for the
National Alliance on Mental Illness in
Minneapolis, RoxanneAndersonworks to
build connections between the gay and
mental health communities.
According to Anderson, "It's estimated
that LGBTQ persons are two and a half
times more likely to experience mental
illness than heterosexuals .... We want to
provide the knowledge and resources to
dismantle stigma:'
MoneyMaven
She's also spent many years working actively
on behalf of PFLAG St. Paul,Minneapolis,
where she's served as a board member,
interim administrator, vice president and
president. Anderson also devotes her heart
and soul to creative endeavors, co,founding
and co,directing RARE Productions, an
arts and entertainment company catering to
LGBT artists of color.
Anderson remembers growing up in a town
where hooded Ku Klux Klan members stood at
"Bankruptcy can happen to most anyone,
even in a stronger economy;' says MariaSalas,
a Nashville lawyer whose firm specializes
in bankruptcy proceedings. "I often say we
might all be one job loss, catastrophic illness
or divorce away from bankruptcy:'
The same holds true for same,sex
couples, she says, noting that the LGBT
community faces extra challenges because
of the added possibility of employment
intersections passing out pamphlets and where
she and her brothers were assaulted with racial
epithets.That trauma, she says, is part of what
fuels her to work with communities of color.
''African Americans and other communities
of color face multiple layers of oppression;'
she says."We face homophobia in our cultural
communities, racism in the queer community
and disparities in income levels, health,
housing and employment:' She says there are
ways, though, to bridge some of these gaps,
like finding cultural ways to connect.
She cites art as one example."People can be
from very different places and come together in
a neutral, safe space that art often provides:'
discrimination and the lack of available
insurance options.
Salas has also worked as an activist, having
served on the board of Nashville's Human
Rights Campaign and having been appointed
by the mayor to the Metro Nashville Human
Relations Commission, where she went on to
become the vice,chair.
"Thanks to the work, dedication and sacrifice
of lots of individuals and organizations,
we have made tremendous strides in the
last 25 years or so, but we're nowhere near
full equality;' Salas says. "Living openly and
honestly in our own communities will help us
all get there:• ■
April 2010
I 17
ADVICELipstick& Dipstick
Are You ReadyTo Pop?
I'd liketo buy wedding
ringsfor my girlfriend
and me. Do I buy
engagementrings
first?Does she need
to be with me? Should
I make it a surprise?
Lipstick:The answer is yes. And yes. And
whatever you want. One of the wonderful
things about being gay is that we can chart
our own course when it comes to all things
rooted in patriarchy. What you must figure
out first is what you want. What's the ideal
memory you want to create? Do you buy two
rings and make sure there is a return policy?
Do you buy simple poesy rings for the big
proposal and then later pick out diamonds
together? Once you figure out what you need,
think hard about what she might want, and
base your decisions on that. Keep in mind,
though, that there is nothing wrong with
having a passionate, loving discussion about
your future and about how to memorialize
and celebrate the decision.
Dipstick:Lipstick, is that you talking about
the patriarchy? Before we met, you thought
patriarchy was a sport involving a bow and
arrow. No, don't buy wedding rings. What if
she says no, or not now, or I don't believe in
marriage? Do you want to be stuck with two
outrageously expensive pieces of jewelry-one
of which you may end up throwing into a lake
in five years after catching her in bed with her
sailing instructor? Instead, get her a simple
engagement ring and put your time and
energy into making the proposal memorable.
Don't just blurt out, "Will you marry me?''
as you're about to come. Take her some
place you'll both find romantic: to her
favorite restaurant, on a motorcycle ride to
the top of a mountain, for a weekend away
at the beach ... or a monster truck rally. Hire
a cellist. Write it in the snow in rose petals.
Compose a song and sing it to her. The ring
is just a metal band. It's you she'll be marrying,
so give your proposal personality.
DearLipstickandDipstick:
I haveonlyrecently
comeoutto myfamilyandfriends.I cameout
so that I couldbe with a girlthat I haveloved
for overtwo years.Sincewe'vebeentogether,
I havefoundoutthat not onlyis my girlfriend
a virgin(shehasn'tevenmasturbated),
butshe
won'tlet meseeherin herunderwear,
let alone
naked.Although
I wouldneverpressure
herinto
anything.Butoursex life is virtuallynonexistentand,honestly,
I'm gettingbored.- Bored
in Bowling
Green
Dipstick:Sex is not your right or something
you earn for coming out of the closet. (Or
for caking her co a nice dinner or doing
your hair.) Sex is something that is shared
between two people when they are both
ready to take that step. If you really loved
this girl, you'd back off and give her the space
to explore her sexuality, face her demons and
get to a place where she feels safe enough to
venture into your love cave. I'll bet she has
some baggage :iround sex. Why don't you see
if you can gently coax that out of her? Not in
a "Why won't you have sex with me?'' way,
but by being loving and supportive and
helping her get over this barrier for hersel£
not for your pleasure.
Lipstick:The Marquis de Sade nailed it
when he said, "Sex is as important as eating
or drinking and we ought to allow the one
appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint
or false modesty as the other:' Dipstick's right
when she says, it's not your "right" to have sex.
However, it is your "choice"to be in a sexless
relationship. It sounds like you girls are at
two different points in your coming out and
that disconnect can be jarring-she's terrified
and you're frustrated. Here are your options:
Either you can wait it out until she's ready to
take off those panties, or move on and take
off someone else's panties, with your teeth. ■ •
Is texting cheating? How do you
come out to a Bible thumper? For
the answers, watch new episodes ~
a::
of TheLipstick& DipstickShow ~
w
at curvemag.com.
a
~
::E
1s1curve
._
Thisyearcurve celebrates
our20thanniversary
bylooking
backatthewomenwhoinspiredus
then.Twenty
yearsago,Elayne
Angelwasa mcmr pierceratWestHollywood's
TheGall1llet,
thefist
piercing
specially
studiointheU.S.'tbumayknowherbestasthewomanwhopopularized
the
tonguepiercing.
Fellow
queergirlRaelynGallinawasalsoa piercingpioneer.
Sheinvented
the
fishtaillabretteandintroduced
modemscarification
toAmerican
cultureandisstillgoingstrong.
Health ADVICE
Makin Your Mark
A piercing pro gives us five tips to keep that-fashion statement healthy. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
In a society that dictates a frustratingly narrow
concept of beauty, piercing has become a way
to take back control of our bodies-and get
that little extra sparkle while we're at it.
According to experts, many of us want
extra body bling. Elayne Angel, an award,
winning professional piercer and author
of The Piercing Bible (piercingbible.com),
says that 1 in 7 people between the ages
~ of 18 and 50 sport jewlery in areas more
~ exotic than their earlobes. In fact, in 2006,
~ the Associated Press reported that among
:3
people between 18 and 29, that number rose
w
~
to one in three.*
I
C)
~
Getting pierced is not just a youth phenom,
6'
o enon-people get piercings to commemorate
~ life events, for spiritual purposes and as a
symbol of subculture membership. Sound
CD
::J familiar? Take a stroll through any dyke
::::>
~ enclave and you'll see what I mean. We dykes
3
definitely love our piercings, and that lesbian
C)
~ classic, the lip ring, has handily tipped this
~ lesbo off more than once.
~
But there's nothing more unattractive than
c'}i
~ an infected or otherwise unhealthy piercing.
~
.J
So what do you need to know to protect
I
~ yourself? Angel gives us her key pointers on
how to get a healthy piercing and keep
it that way.
1. HowdoI finda safepiercer?If they
permit customers to try on piercing
jewelry, run. But first, _to find a safe
piercer, become an educated consumer.
In the United States there are no standard,
ized regulations-there's no such thing as a
'certified piercer:' Look for members of the
Association of Professional Piercers. We up,
hold a standard of hygiene and sanitation,
have training in blood,borne,pathogens
exposure control and have studios that
meet certain environmental criteria. Visit
safepiercing.org for details.
2. HowdoI makesureI'm gettingwhatI really
wantin thestudio?Ask whatever you need in
order to feel confident that you're getting
exactly what you want. Every question you
ask should be answered thoroughly. If the
piercer cannot place a piercing where you
want it, she should be able to explain why
your chosen spot [isn't] safe.
3. What'sthe mostimportant
partof aftercare?
Keep your dirty hands. away from your
piercing! You should also avoid trauma and
friction. I don't believe there's one magic
aftercare product that's best for all piercings,
but a strong product such as peroxide or
alcohol will harm rather. than help.
4. WhatshouldI do if my piercingbecomes
infected?At the first sign of trouble, visit
your piercer. Many piercing problems can be
handled with a change of jewelry or aftercare
regimen. It's quite common for piercings to
become somewhat discolored and ooze a
little bit during healing, and piercees may
mistakenly believe they have an infection. If
you think you've got an infection, you should
visit your doctor. If infected, [a piercing]
needs to drain. And leave in quality jewelry,
if the proper fit allows for drainage. If you
abandon the piercing, the holes can close,
causing an abscess, which is even worse.
5.Whataresomeofthecommon
mistakes
people
make that lead to unhealthy
piercings?
One
mistake is choosing a piercer based on low
price. Don't bargain shop! Piercees frequently
stop being assiduous with aftercare or start
playing with the [unhealed] piercing, [which]
can lead to complications. People commonly
leaveout their jewelry for a short time, believing
that it will be easy to reinsert. But even healed
body piercings can close quickly if the jewelry
is removed. So, if you like your
piercing, keep your jewelry in. ■
Where To Get Your Holes Punched
A few LGBT-owned
piercingsalons
fromcoastto coast
••
•
• •
•• • • •
8
GS
D PRESS*
April 2010
I 19
ITRIED
IT
u
the CreekWith a BrokenAnkle
A gentle trip down a scenic river turns into a painful, dramatic adventure. By Edie Stull
Eight lesbian friends, a warm midsummer
day, the rushing waters of the Chattooga
River, fun, friendship, excitement-and without a doubt the worst vacation of my life.
The Chattooga flows between South
Carolina and Georgia and is a popular
rafting destination. The six experienced
rafters in our group assured rafting virgins
Karen and I that while the Chattooga
ranges from beginner Class II to advanced
Class IV rapids, we were tackling a "more
moderate" section of the river. The trip
would provide beautiful scenery, they
promised, with some thrills and excitement
but no near-death experiences.
After a mini course on safety and rafting
procedures, we climbed into two large orange
rubber rafts. Our guides, who, unlike us, had
some idea of what they were doing, gave us
life vests and helmets-not the kind of gear I
thought we'd need.
The directions seemed easy enough: Paddle
when the guide said paddle, stop when he said
stop. If you fall out-not high on my to-do
list-roll onto your back, pull up your knees
and let the water take you, well, somewhere,
and eventually the guide will pick you up.
That was good news.
We started out gently,paddling and drifting.
It was beautiful, quiet and peaceful. Then I
heard the sound of fast-moving water-our
first rapids. We bobbed, we jerked, we got
soaked, but I made it through unscathed,
thanks in part to my death grip on ~e raft.
No dykes up the creek without a raft-phew.
We passed through calm water, then rapids,
then calm water again. I began to relax. This
wasn't going to be so bad after all, I thought.
Then, midway down a small rapid, our raft
slammed to a stop on a rock in the middle of
the river. One of our trusty guides careened
out of the back of the raft, crashed into Karen
in the front and knocked her into the water.
A good student, she did exactly what she'd
learned in Rafting 101 and floated to calm
water, eventually climbing onto a rock to
await pickup.
As advertised, a guide paddled over to
20
Icurve
her. Everything seemed to be going according
to plan. But on Karen's way into the raft,
she slipped. Even over the rushing water,
we all heard the snap. One look at the acute
angle of her foot and we all knew her ankle
was broken.
The guides sprang into action, producing
an air splint and a litter that had been tucked
away in the woods for just such an occasion.
One of our friends, a nurse, installed the
At the hospital, the orthopedic doctor
gave Karen a choice-he could put her back
together or she could go home for surgery.
She opted for the latter, so, aided by some
good drugs, he put the ankle back in place,
crafted a temporary cast and admitted her for
the night.
The remaining seven of us were more
than ready for the day to end. We were tired,
hungry and without rooms for the night in a
splint on Karen's discolored ankle.
OK, now what? We were on a river in the
middle of God knows where with someone
who couldn't walk her way out. The guides
were about to earn their pay. They put Karen
on the litter in the raft where she could ride
over calm water. When we hit rapids, they
carried her around the fast water on the
narrow, slippery path that ran alongside the
river, then sprinted back to the boat to guide
the rest of us through the rapids. Probably
not the day they had planned.
We repeated the paddle, portage, paddle,
portage drill, eventually making it back to
civilization with Karen still on the litter and
in surprisingly good spirits. She told her
porters they were lucky she ~d just lost a
bunch of weight.
small South Carolina town that had probably
never seen a pack of lesbians before.
After changing the flat tire we had on
the way to eat (really? more broken parts to
deal with?), we finally found the only two
rooms in town not booked by the rodeo.
After a few hours of sleep, we collected a
well-rested Karen, loaded her into a van
with pillows, painkillers and a bedpan,
and began the long trip home. Aided with.
drugs, Karen survived the eight-hour trip
to a hospital near her home.
As we waited for Karen to be admitted, a
little old lady from Admissions looked at me
and said, 'J\re you her mother?" Would this
day never end? The ankle healed and we both
lived to tell the tale, but Karen has never
suggested taking another rafting trip. ■
SCENE
We'vegotbabiesonthebrainat curve this
month.Soinsteadof ourusualpartypies,
we wantedto bringyoufamilysnapsthat
photographer
SophiaHantzes
tookat a variety
of prideeventsin Minnesota,
including1
TwinCitiesPride2 Minnesota
Freedom
Band)
3 RainbowFamilyConference
4 Minnesota
Freedom
Band5 and6 DuluthSuperiorPride
7-10 TwinCitiesPride11 Outfront
LobbyDay.
(/)
~<
I
<
:i:
a.
(/),__
0
_____________
_
DYKE
DRAMA
HairToda Gone Tomorrow
'
What would you do to impress a woman? By Michele Fisher
The other day, a friend asked me if I would
shave my nether regions for a lover. "I would,
I have and I do;' was my response. But, I asked
her, had she already slept with this woman?
She had not. At the time, I told her I was not
sure I would be willing to vagiscape for a gal
who hadn't yet been to the garden, but who
was I kidding? Of course I would. I would
even decorate it for Christmas if the woman
was hot enough. In fact, I have worn both a
dick and stirrup pants for a woman (I think I
even wore both at the same time once, back in
the '80s ), so a close shave is no problem.
This little hair inquiry got me thinking
about the other things I have been willing
to do to get or keep a woman. Then I started
asking around to find out what other outrageous things lesbians have been willing to do
in order to impress a conquest.
The most obvious thing many of us have
done to get close to another gal is pretend
to be her friend. This strategy almost always
backfires because it works too well. That is,
you get a friend, but never a lover, out of the
deal. The real problem is that you are such
a good friend. A bad friend would just dive
in and get at least a one-night stand out of
the whole thing. But no, you want something
lasting and meaningful; you don't want something quick and dirty.
One day, you are going to realize that you
have plenty of friends and that there is a time
and a place for quick and dirty.
One gal I talked to in Seattle slept with
a man for her woman. WTF? Yep, her girlfriend kept telling Dickless in Seattle that if
she had never actually slept with a man, then
she didn't know what she was missing and
might eventually leave her when she finally
discovered the pleasures of a penis. So they
went to Europe to see the sights and get her
a man. They got themselves a little three-way
action in Paris. But then, during a game
of leap frog, the girlfriend got all upset
because it seemed like Dickless in Seattle
was enjoying herself a little too much. The
relationship didn't make it past customs.
The hardest thing I ever gave up for a
woman was a television. I am not even a
big TV watcher, but for some reason it was
worse than giving up water (which I once did
for a few months when I discovered pepperinfused vodka). Anyway, I gave my TV away
to impress this bookworm who told me she
had never owned a television. She claimed
television had already ruined three generations of Americans and she was going to stop
the cycle. Oh yeah, and she said that she could
never have sex with a boob tuber.
Then, one day, I caught her watching
soaps on her computer! Who needs cable
when you've got broadband? I was actually
reading books and color-coding my sweaters
at home while she was watching TheL Word
on her laptop. She was no bookworm-she
was a MacBook worm. I marched straight
to the convalescent home and took iny
television back. Hey, they got a free TV for
a couple of weeks.
Many of us have given up food groups for
want of a woman. It seems a whole lot of
us have turned vegan for vagina. But alas,
with these lassies I've found it's best to eat
and run.
a:
~
M!
t;;
~
~
~
But how about the gal who went from
vegan to venison? Yep, I met a dyke who told
me that after 12 years of being a vegan, she
fell in love with a naturalist who was doing a
study of wildlife in some remote area in the
north of Montana where the two of them
lived off of the land for a year. She said she
stuck with the vegan thing for a while-and
then it started to snow. The oatmeal ran out,
the nuts ran out and then the dried berries
were gone and it was still snowing. By March,
the rabbits and squirrels knew it was no longer
safe to take a shortcut through he'r yard.
Once, I gave up other women for a woman.
Before my wife reads this and starts tossing
my stuff on the front lawn, I should explain.
Long before I discovered the joy of meaningful relationships, I lusted after a woman who
told me that she couldn't feel safe sleeping
with anybody who slept around. She said she
had to be the only game in town or it was no
dice. So, I gave up the company of others so I
could see her naked.
Eventually, she got. tired of me and
went on to sleep exclusively with someone
else. Actually, this particular scenario has
happened many times in my life. I am not a
serial monogamist, I just sleep with them.
I also once dated an Amy Winehouse.
Okay, she wasn't famous and she couldn't sing,
but she was a drunk and she made ugly scenes
wherever she went. I pretended I didn't mind
the fact she was always falling down drunk or
nodding off in public because she was such
The hardestthing! ever
gave up for a woman was
a television.I am not even
a bigTV watcher,but for
some reasonit was worse
than givingup water,
whichI once did for a few
monthswhen I discovered
pepper-infused
vodka.
a pretty mess. Have you ever dated anybody
with bad habits that you thought you could
talk them out of, only to find that you were
becoming more like them than they were like
your I thought I could influence her, but I was
the one who end.ed up under the influence. I
realized I had better take a step back from her
before I needed to take 12.
And finally, who hasn't pretended to be
over her ex-lover when a new, hot woman is
headed her way2 Everything is going along
swimmingly until the undead relationship
comes back into your life and those feelings
you thought were buried resurface. Okay,
that is what you tell the new girlfriend as
you backpedal away from her. But isn't the
truth really that you never got over that old
flame and you only dated the new girl to
make your old girlfriend jealous2 And when
that doesn't work, do you quit and move
on2 Hell no, you go out in search of an even
hotter new woman that will, for sure, make
your old girlfriend want you back. This can
go on for several women.
But the game doesn't end there. We still
haven't gotten to my favorite part of Drama
Mama, where you have finally gotten over
the ex and then you suddenly realize that one
of the women you threw away in your quest
to win your ex back was really The One.
Now you have to make believe you're not an
indecisive neurotic to get her back into your
life. So, you pretend to be her friend. ■
POLITICS
Discrimination
Kills
Our fight is a worldwide one. By Victoria A. Brownworth
In her poem"From an Old House in America;•
Adrienne Rich reworks John Donne's famous
line to read: 'J\ny woman's death diminishes
me:• That line has reverb-erated for me
throughout the years since I first read it and
spoke it aloud as a student. It is a line I believe
all women should take to heart.
In 2010, it's impolitic to speak to the prefeminist realities of our allegedly postfeminist
world. Yet it is neither anachronistic nor shrill
to say that women must stand in solidarity
against our shared oppression and repression.
We have to fight the isolation that the patriarchy uses to separate us from one. another.
When one woman dies due to gender bias, we
are all diminished.
Pulitzer Prize-winners Nicholas Kristof
and Sheryl WuDunn estimate that 60 to 100
million women have gone missing worldwide
in recent years due to trafficking and systematic discrimination. These two aren't hardcore
feminist ideologues, but they are crusading
journalists and political scientists. Kristof is
credited with bringing the genocide in Darfur
to light through his columns in the New York
Times. He is also credited with detailing the
rape crisis in the Democratic Republic of
Congo, where gang rape has become a primary
24
Icurve
weapon of war. In their book, Half the Sky,
Kristof and WuDunn are adamant: Women
and girls are being ''disappeared" as surely as if
a worldwide junta were stalking them.
But it isn't just within war-torn nations that
this genocide against women is unfolding.
Cultural, social and religious elements add to
the annihilation of women and girls. In China
and India, where sex-selection abortion has
become commonplace, there are 800 female
births for every 1,000 male children born. In
China, there is still a fairly strict one-child
population-control policy, and it is almost
always a female fetus that is aborted.
Quite simply, girls are being discriminated
against to death, as Kristof and WuDunn
delineate in their research. Girls are given
less food. They are deprived of vaccinations,
medical care and education. They are subjected to female genital mutilation. They are
married off as children and forced into early
childbirth. Kristof and WuDunn note that
giving birth is still the most dangerous things
a woman can do if she doesn't have access to
modern medical care.
Women and girls are also subject to gender
bias murder. Honor killing is rampant in over
50 countries, primarily in the Middle East
and Africa, where Islam is both the religion
and the law. Thousands of women and girls
are killed each year by male family members
for such "crimes" as being seen with a man
who is not a family member, being out in
public without a male family escort and
being lesbians. Sharia law, which even the
United Kingdom is considering allowi~g for
Muslims, imposes draconian restrictions on
. women. Women who disobey these rules
can be killed as a matter of that law. And
there is no punishment for their murders.
Sex trafficking and domestic slavery are
also killing women and girls at a frightening
rate. In India, Anti-Slavery International
estimates that 10 percent of girls are sold
into domestic slavery by the age of 5. Sex
trafficking has become pandemic throughout Asia, Russia, Eastern Europe, and
Central and South America.
Domestic and sex slaves have even been
sold to families in the United States. The
ease of this kind of transaction was demonstrated in the July 8, 2008 episode of ABC's
Nightline, when reporter Dan Harris set out
to "buy" a girl in Haiti and found it took less
than 10 hours to do so. It takes even less
time to go from Brownsville, Texas and buy
a girl from Mexico for the same purpose,
as noted in David Feingold's documentary
Trading Women.
All these horrors mean one thing: Women
have to protect one another and save one
another. We have to help girls -survive their
childhoods so that they have the opportunity to become adults and make their own
choices. We have to campaign against honor
killings, acid burnings and female genital
mutilation and call them what they are: a
genocide against women. As we contemplate
issues like marriage equality and being able
to have and keep our own children, we must
remember that not very far away, girls are
being sold. As we build our lesbian families,
we cannot forget our other family, the family
of women. It's easy to change lives-as easy as
going online and contributing to micro-loans
for women to give them financial independence (you can give through sites like globalgiving.org or girleffect.org), mentoring a girl
recovering from sex slavery or simply talking
with other women about this genocide. We
are family and, as such, we must hold one
another tight against those who would do us
ineffable harm. ■
B
~
~
a:
~
!:b
:x:
~
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Aswe enterour20thyear,we wantto knowwhoyouareandwhatyouthink.Youranswerswill helpshapethe
directionof curve for the nextdecades.
Twowinnerswill be randomlyselectedfromcompletedquestionnaires
receivedby April30,2010to win either TheL Word:FinalSeasonDVDor ChrisPureka'snewCD,HowI Learnedto See
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035-44
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D Budget Travel D Other Travel Mags
16. What do you typically do on weekends
or time off from work? (Check all that apply)
□ Shopping
9. When you describe your sexual
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□ Lesbian
□ Bisexual
□ Gay
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_
Her Big
League
Actor Megan Cavanagh
is living the American dream. ·
By Diane Anderson-Minshall
Photos by Cheryl Mazak
wasn't secure with hersel£ and she was afraid,
and didn't really know herself. She's not the
pretty one, and her coming into her own, and
finding out who she is-that's the journey
of all of us. I think that's why she's so loved.
People come up to me and say, "You were the
best thing in that movie!" I go, "Come on:' I
mean, Geena Davis, Tom Hanks, Madonna.
But you know, I know what they mean. It's
the character. The character had a great arc.
She probably had the biggest arc of anybody
in that movie and, for the record, she doesn't
leave baseball to get married. The original
version of A League of Their Own was four
and a half hours long, and they had to cut it,
and so that was the part that they cut. So, you
know, I left baseball for a man.
Didyouknowthatthere'sanall-girlqueercore
riotgirlbandnamedMarlaHooch?
I heard! They're in New York, right? I also
heard that there's a softball team called the
Hooches.
Partof beinga characteractoris that you're
neverthe femmefataleleadinglady-you're
thenurse,thecoach,theprisonwarden.Doyou
everfeel pressured
to seek moretraditional
leadingladyroles?
I don't really mind playing the ugly girl, or the
neurotic girl. I don't mind playing those roles,
Howoftendoyouhearthephrase"bestknownas MarlaHooch because I feel like they always have a lot of meat to them. And
in A Leagueof TheirOwn?"
also, I try to bring-to every character that I play-a likeability.
Constantly. (Laughs] You know, I still get recognized at the I think our society is too involved in beauty, and I think that
really messes women up. It's crazy. So it's really ex.citingfor me
grocery store. It's just this cult movie that doesn't go away.
Doesit surprise
youhowenduring
Marlais?
to be able to be an average to overweight-whatever you want
Yes,it's unbelievable. I'm really sort of astounded by it-and in to call it-woman in this world. A real woman, I like to say.
different generations, too. My son is 16, and his generation of Not that those other women aren't real, but I feel like they are
kids-the girls especially know more than the boys. It's funny, trying to copy something out of a magazine, when I think they
it's like it just keeps getting passed down.
should just be themselves.
WhydoesMarlaresonate
somuchwithpeople?
There'sdefinitely
a lot of pressure
to achievethe beautystanWell, I think that she's sort of an everywoman. I think that she dardthatHollywood
putsontherestofAmerica.
There's a comic timing to almost everything Megan Cavanagh does, even while
sitting in a vintage rock tee and talking about coming out as a lesbian at 39.
It's not a ba-da-bing moment but there's something funny lingering just under
the surface, waiting to escape, and you can see a twinkle in her eyes when you
know she's about to erupt. Of course, this is the actress best known as Marla
Hooch, the homely switch-hitter in A League of Their Own, who somehow managed to outshine Rosie O'Donnell and Madonna in the 1992 blockbuster film.
Two decades later, Cavanagh is a Hollywood hitter who co-stars in Logo's
hit series Exes and Ohs. Though she's amassed a heap of new lesbian fans
with Exes (season two starts this spring and season one is now on DVD), most
folks know her from her vast TV resume (she's had appearances on hit sitcoms
like Just Shoot Me, Will & Grace, and, of course, Home Improvement-where
she ended the series marrying Al Borland). Though we adored her in League
and Robin Hood: Men in Tights-and any theater aficionado will tell you that
her four year run of Menopause the Musical was a smash-Cavanagh may
be most recognizable for her voice, not her face. From her turn as the fighter
pilot on the cult hit Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle to her years as Judy
on The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius or Hilary on The Mighty Bf,
Cavanagh has amassed a bevy of fans who weren't even born when Marla
Hooch hit the big screen.
Today, Cavanagh is juggling work and family-she lives with her teenage
son, Brendan, and partner Anne Chamberlain, an instructor at the Academy
of Art University-in a bucolic Northern California burg. When she's not on
stage or screen, the twosome are working on a book and documentary about
Cavanagh's career as a, well, the kind of non-traditional Hollywood starlet
who gets cast as the "ugly" girl. "Society's so obsessed with being skinny
now," Cavanagh says. "It's like I'm the anti-skinny." And while she may not be
the Hollywood ideal ("I'm healthfully happy with my body," she says), she's at
home with her family, living the American dream.
26
Icurve
Yeah, and I look at the industry, and the men that are in the category that I'm in-like, Steve Bu~cemi and John Lovitz-and
it's like, they work! There are not roles for women. There are
usually two women [in a movie] and they're usually babes, you
know, and then the rest are guys. I would love to have Steve
Buscemi or John Goodman's career. You could never have a fat
woman as fat as-and you know I love him-John Goodman
is. I mean, I think he's a great actor, but he's a big dude. You
could never have a woman like that be just a character, without
the comment about her being fat.
Haveyoubeenactingyourwholelife?
I acted as a kid, but not professionally. I was constantly doing
plays, and reading plays, and asking people to do plays. I graduated [high school] when I was 16-and I went to college,
and my 'parents wouldn't let me go away because I was 16, so
I went to Rosary College, which was like six blocks from my
parent's house, and I ended up doing a theater degree there.
And after I graduated there, I went to downtown Chicago,
and just started trying to get into plays in Chicago. I did a
lot of working in box offices, and house managing at Victory
Do you think that audienceexpectationplays into that? Gardens, and I did understudying, and I was getting equity
You know, you go to England, you go to Europe, and women
points ... I've been doing theater for as long as I can remember
are more real, in that, they aren't up to this beauty standard
and I still do it-I do a lot of musicals, I just love it.
that we've got in America and audiences love them. I think it's Whatdoyoulovebestabouttheater?
a vicious circle, because we go, oh, we need
I love the immediacy, and I love that it's like jazz. Every night
you
go out, and the audience is totally different, and you think
"I don't really mind to market movies to 18-year-old boys,
that a certain line will get a laugh, and it doesn't, and it just
therefore we need to have really hot babes
playing the ugly and they're the only ones that are going to depends on the audience. I love that interplay between the
girl, or the neurotic go. You know, when Sex and the City came audience and the actors. And I love the stuff that goes wrong,
and how we get out of it. It absolutely just feeds my soul. I
out, it was huge! It made a huge amount
girl. I don't mind of money and that was women, a lot of love it.
playing those
whom were over 30, or even over 40, that
watched that movie.
That'sgreat.Andthentheotherprojects
paythebills?
Yeah, they will pay the bills sometimes when things are slow,
too. I've been doing Menopause the Musical for five years on
set with these big personalities.
Rosie and off, and I've done it in 13 cities including Singapore and
O'Donnell,Madonna,GeenaDavis.Was Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I've gone everywhere with this
always have a lot
show, and it's great, because the audiences love it-especially
thereanycrazydrama?
of meat to them." Remarkably, no. I mean we were on this the older women, who haven't been able to talk much about
shoot for five months, and we did every- this stuff.
thing together. We were in a small town. We were in Evansville, Whenyouwerestartingoutdidyoueverimagine
thatyou'dbe
Indiana, during most of the shoot. And we all got apartments
oneofthestarsin a TVshowaboutlesbians?
or houses, and so we would socialize with each other as well as You know, I can't tell you how excited I am. First of all, I came
out when I was 39, and I'm 48 right now. So I mean I'm-I
work 14 hours a day.People had their moments, but no drama. I
couldn't have told you. I am so stupid about my sexuality.
would say that one of the funniest things that almost turned
[Laughs] Even though I was attracted to [women], I just didn't
into a dramatic moment was when we were shooting way out
in the boondocks, and you know, there's all these girls, and
everyone needs their makeup retouched, and everyone needs
their hair done, and [director] Penny [Marshall] was just like,
no hair, no makeup. Just back off!
roles, because
I feel like they
In A league of TheirOwn,you were on
Sowhenleaguebecame
sohuge,didyouthink,Wow,thisis it.
I madeit?
Yes, I did. It was funny because I got pregnant, while I was
doing the movie, and so I had agents calling me. I could not
get a theatrical agent before this, because they didn't know
what to do with me. When the heat of the movie started to
happen ... ! was taking calls, taking meetings. It was such a
trip. [Laughs] It's just funny, because I went from desperate
to having an agent and having people call me and soliciting
me. It was wild.
Anddidyouseethepayoffthatyouthought
youwould?
Oh yeah, totally. It put me on the map, you know? And I've
been able to wQrk as an actor, solely, since-doing lots of
things, not just film. I've done TV, I've done a lot of theater,
I do voiceovers.
I'm really lucky. My goal in life was to be a working actorand I have that. I absolutely have that. And it's kind of like,
what do I want now?
2s
I curve
understand it. And it took me a long time to figure it out. But
I'm so excited to be on this show. I am so excited to be Chris
on this show. I feel like it's really been an exciting trip for me to
do this. Because it started out as a short film, a favor to a friend
kind of _thing,and I never thought it would go anywhere, but it
became a TV show. [Laughs] It's just like that dream of ''I've
got a short film and I want to make it into a TV series;' and
you know it's like, good luck, you and a million other people.
And she did it! [Creator]Michelle [Paradise] did it.
What'sthebestpartaboutplayingChris?
It's a comic character and she's such a part of me. She's my wild
side. She's a joyful person and she drinks ... she's just fun. I
haven't gotten to play anybody who is that close to who I amalthough I don't drink anymore. It's that kind of exuberance.
She's not a crazy. I mean, she's crazy-good, but she's not a
nutcase like so many of the other characters I've played.
Youalsogetto bea womanonTVwhoisn'ta sizetwo.
Right. Well it's so funny because they sort of made me butchy.
Like I'm the "butch" character on that show, which makes me
laugh because I'm so not in my life. My girlfriend is very butch.
I have my friends, my butch friends, who are like,''You're a
butch in Hollywood, that's so sad! That's so sad! Put a real
butch on TV."
Thefirst seasonof ExesandOhswas hilarious.I just loved
it. I adoreMichellebut therewas so muchto like aboutthe
wholeshow.
I'm happy The L Word had the success that it had, but I think
that The L Word is so completely different from our show. It's
sort of like comparing Friends to 24-totally different. And
we don't have any nudity in our show, which takes some of the
onus off [us]. It's sort of refreshing in a way to not see what
we're doing in bed. I watched The L Word and I was a fan. I'm
just glad that we're doing the show that we're doing. It's not a
copy of them.
Yousaidearlierthatyoudidn'tcomeoutuntilyouwere39. It's
alwaysreported
causally
thatyou'reopenlygaybutI don'tever
reallyremember
thebig comingoutinterview.
Yeah, I don't really know if there was one.
Didyoujust comeout personally
and not get a lot of media
attention
for it?
That's ·correct. I came out in 1999-oh, it's 10 years, it's 10
now-to my family, so that was my big out. And then from
there, I was absolutely out in my work and everywhere,
because I had a partner and I was not going to pretend that
she didn't exist. The first job I got after coming out to them
was a Will & Grace episode where I played a lesbian and my
mother was like, they know. She's like, now you're only going
to get lesbian roles. And I was like, Mom, it doesn't work that
way. Although I am choosing more lesbian roles.
Wastherepressure
notto comeout?
No. It was really an internal, personal thing. It was huge for me
to come out, but it was more huge for me to come out to my
family than to anybody else. I didn't care really what the world
was going to say; I cared what my family was going to say.
Andhowdidtheyreact?
They were great. I mean, my mom said, "Oh, it's a phase:' But
nobody disowned me, everybody loved me. It's all good.
Later,sherealizedit wasn'tsomuchof a phase.
Yeah, and I'm married. My partner and I got married last
August.
Wereyouoneofthose18,000marriages
that'sstilllegaldespite
Prop.8?
Yes!We're grandfathered in, we're married!
Wereyoucrushed
withthefinalProp.8 decision?
I really was. But, I also thought that's what they were going
to say. I was hopeful that they weren't, but I really felt like
they were going to. And this is how I look at it ... it's steps. I
think it's just a matter of time. I mean, look back 50 years
and you could not have imagined that we would have an
African-American president and that gay people would be
able to get married.
It isreallycrazy.I cameoutover20yearsagoandI couldn't
have
imagined
anyofthis.
You know it's interesting; my son's yearbook, I'm looking
through it last night and I see Transgender Day. They're doing
all this great work at the schools about being non-haters.When
I saw this I was like, God, this is a public school. Granted it's in
the Bay Area, but it gives me hope.
Yeah,absolutely.
I wantto see if this filtersdownto kidsin
otherareas.
Well, you know, it's scary when you look at Dr. Tiller-the
abortionist who got murdered in the Bay-and listening to
the hate talk. And I think this country really is, in a way,
heading for a revolution between the right and the left. I certainly
don't want it. I would love it to not have that happen.
Cavanagh
and her brood
Her Big Leaguecontinuedon page62
April 2010 j 29
Lori Petty
never stops
moving. From her scrappy
portrayals . of lovable tomboys
•and retro~futuristic superheroes .
to her recent stint behind the
cam.era, she has m.ade a career
out of being in perpetual motion.
The actor is known for her lead
in 1995's dram.atization of the
comic strip Tank Girl, as well
as her role as the badass surfer
chick in Point Break and her
turn as the pitcher Kit Keller,
Geena Davis' eager kid sister
in A League of Their Own.
"I always played ball, my
whole life;'Petty explains •
from. the backseat of a
._
Thisyearcurve celebrates
our20th.
anniversary
bylooking
back.Pettyhit
Hollywood
20yearsagoandimmediately
hadqueerfans.Astraight
butbutchtomboy,
Pettytoldcurve yearsago,"I thinkthe
reason
thatI'mca&asa lesbian
isthatI'm
nota dragqueen.
I don'thavefaketittles
andBotox
andfakelips...theydon'tknow
whattodowithmesotheylabelme
gay,whichI don'tgivea shitabout"
taxicab on the way to
Los Angeles International
Airport. "Baseball, basket~
ball, everything. And I ran
track. I had constant energy. I
was a painter, a writer, I edited
the school paper. I was always
doing something:'
p a
•
1n
for
ee s
Lori Petty writes and directs her
own life story in ThePoker House.
Lawrence isn't the only actor on the film getting raves from
Petty. Selma Blair, whose saliva swap with Sarah Michelle
Gellar in the forgettable late-'90s teen flick Cruel Intentions
placed her firmly on the lesbian radar, is also stunning in the
role of Agnes' mother. "I think it's the best thing she's ever
Photo by David Woodruff
done in her life;' says Petty. "Just because she was given
the opportunity. She's never done bad work. She's had less
than great material to work with, like we all have, but she's
Petty is a career actor whose film credits are stacked on top of a great actress:'
a lengthy list of TV appearances (like her critically-acclaimed
In ThePoker House, Blair reels off a rambling monologuerole on House last year). But, as the writer and director of The an amazing performance-in her underwear, not an easy feat
Poker House, a winner at the 2008 Los Angeles Film Festival, during a winter shoot. "In the script I had her in a bra and
she tackles a story that hits closer to home-a
fearless panties and she looked like a supermodel. We had to do somedocumentation of her own troubled adolescence in a poor, thing to her, so the costumier found this piece of gold lame
small town in Iowa. The film is a coming-ofage story about fabric and he draped it around her. We just did our best to
a high school basketball star named Agnes, whose mother is make her not drop-dead gorgeous, which is reallyjust amazing.
a drug-addled prostitute and whose father figure is a ruthless It was freezing balls. She was wearing no clothes and I'm like,
pimp and child abuser.
Selma, go sit in my trailer. She's like, I'm fine. She's sitting on
Like the character in her film, Petty's own chilhood contained the floor in her panties smoking a cigarette. It was great:'
sexual abuse. "Physiologically and emotionally, the attention
Now comfortably out of her 20s, Petty takes her owri legacy
feels good;' Petty explains, referring to both Agnes' feelings as a queer icon in stride. "With Tank Girl, to this day, I have
and her own experience of sexual abuse. "Touching feels good. fan mail. People dress up like me and send me pictures. Girls
Kissing feels good. But you know immediately when that line have me tattooed on their bodies and my signature tattooed
has been crossed, because it doesn't feel good anymore. But on their bodies. I didn't seek it out, but I love it:'
there are still conflicting feelings, because it did feel good up to
Petty has also had the opportunity to resurrect the careers of
a point. I remember, when I was little, thinking, I wish I was a previous generati~n in the 1992 hit A League of Iheir Own.
"We met the ladies (of the All-American Girls Professional
ugly; because I just felt that I was getting so much attention
because I was pretty, and I didn't want to be pretty because I Baseball League], who were in their 70s and 80s at the time,
didn't want all that attention:'
and a substantial amount of them were in same-sex relationIn the age of Dakota Fanning, finding young stars with the ships. They couldn't be out back then and I didn't think about
emotional maturity to tackle such an adult theme is not as that;' she ponders. "They had to be totally closeted, but here
difficult as it once was. "These are just the new generationthey are showing up at the reunions with their partners:'
the women who weren't taught that they couldn't do everyNever afraid to lay it on the line, Petty is likely to continue
thing or be everything. They have a lot of self-confidence. directing and, if Hollywood allows, settle comfortably into the
They listen, too. I'm a taskmaster;' warns Petty. ''And I don't role of cookie-baking soccer mom. "I love acting and it's paid
play; especially with Jennifer (Lawrence, who plays Agnes]. my bills for 25 years, but I wish there were better roles for a
She's just insanely talented and beautiful, and 5-foot-9 and woman who is not going to get Botox and fake tits;' she shrugs.
built like Raquel Welch. I'm proud of her. If she can just stay "I don't know why they don't cast me as the mom. I could be a
away from the Chateau Marmont, she'll be all right, "jokes
mom. I'm going to do Law & Order next month. I'm probably a
Petty; referring to the notorious Hollywood landmark where murderer who eats my kids or something. I always get cast as
John Belushi died and Lindsay Lohan once lived.
the really complex crazy people. I don't know why:' ■
By MelanyWalters,Beck
April 201
o I31
he Sexbomb, the Psycho-Slut and the Stripper
set of Faster, Pussycat Kill! Kill!-what Cummings refers to as
are not exactly monikers you would associate with her"Lucy Ball goes to prison'' pin-up look."I used those fishnet
a post-feminist flick, so when the trailer for Bitch pantyhose as a source of empowerment. I'd be like, oh, are my
Slap (out on DVD this month)-the
racy action seams straight:' Good. I'm ready to kick some ass:'
If Hel is the brains •of the operation, Camero (0 livo) is
vehicle for actors Erin Cummings, America Olivo and
Julia Voth-first hit the Internet, my girlfriends and I the muscle-a murderous, lusty dyke who loves hard and
kills on a whim. For Olivo (of Friday the 13th fame), the
found ourselves decidedly conflicted. Its mix of undiluted
sexploitation and the sheer va-va-voom-ness of its all-girl Bitch Slap shoot was the fulfillment of a family legacy: Her
cast had our feminist sensibilities saying, "No, no, no!" but mother, Danica d'Hondt was a B-movie star in her own
our libidos shouting, "Yes, yes, yes!" Naturally, our hormones
right. She also received some tips from lezzie favorites, Lucy
won out, and we eagerly counted down the days until we . Lawless and Renee O'Connor, who reunited for a cameo in
could see the film ourselves.
the film.
"Lucy was giving me some really funny ideas;' Olivo
Here's the setup: On a desolate desert highway, Hel (the
recalls. "We just goofed with it, and played with it, and had
Sexbomb), Camero (the Psycho-Slut) and Trixie (the Stripper)
are on the hunt for a b~ried fortune. The story unfolds through a really good time:'
Camero-a drug-addled nutcase-was a role that required
a series of flashbacks, progressively uncovering secret motivations, plot twists and betrayals. It's a grindhouse throwback full Olivo to shed any trace of effeminateness, a character trait
of visceral thrills and salty language, equal parts homage and that bled over into Olivo's real life. ''I'd become this feral
send-up of'60s era exploitation films. Girl fights,
creature in the desert;' she laughs.'Tm so dirty and
gun fights, water fights-it's all here. And, best of
disgusting and drenched with sweat ... ! would go
to the store and people would, like, bend back
all,it's steeped in Sapphic seduction.
away from me:'
Cummings, already popular from staring in
the queer soap Dante's Cove plays, Hel. She says
Both her co-stars laugh at the memory of
Olivo's method acting. "Oh yeah, she was nuts.
taking the role was a no-brainer: 'Tm always
I was like, this bitch is fucking off her rocker;'
drawn to characters that are variations of the
same mold, which is a strong, intelligent female
laughs Cummings.
America Olivo who you don't want to mess with:' Hel, the master"I was actually scared of her;' agrees Voth. "She
(above), Zoe
Bell (inset) mind of the crew, has a taste for weaponry and the
was so into it. She was so there:'
ladies. She looks like she could've walked off the
For Voth, becoming her character meant taking
32
Icurve
on the role of a stripper with a heart of gold (and a vajayjaythat
can light up a room-literally). Prior to landing the role, Voth
was a successful model and responsible for both the voice and
look of Resident Evil's tough girl Jill Valentine. However, when
she read the Bitch Slap script she was drawn to the meek character. "She's very ,naYveand ... because this was my first acting
job, I myself was very naYvegoing into it. But this character
just seemed to speak to me ... the struggle she went through to
become who she is ... and I felt a power in that:'
While the actors quickly fell into their roles, the characters
themselves are an explosive combination, culminating in an
epic girlfight. Behind all the punching, kicking, hair pulling
and, yes, crotch biting, is stuntwoman Zoe Bell, renowned
for her work on Xena: Warrior Princess and Kill Bill. Bell was
a major boon for a film that features one of the longest running female throwdowns on celluloid. "It's so fantastic to have
a female, so she could show us how to do it on a female body.
She's using the flexibility of femininity;' says Olivo.
Cummings agrees: "Zoe, being a woman, put things in the
fight that a man would never think to do. The scene where
Camero is kneeling over me and I bite her crotch, I grab her
breast and I punch her in the face-Zoe would be like, just
grab her titty and punch ~er in the face, in her cute little Kiwi
accent. Some people say that fight is too long, some people say
that the fight is too bloody, no one ever says that the fight is
lame, because it's nor:'
The film is full of girl-on-girl action, and it doesn't skimp
on the hot 'n' heavy variety. To prepare for her love scene,
Cummings studied episodes of The L Word, then showed
them to Voth and the director. "You don't want to go in there
like gangbusters and attack your screen partner, and they' re
like, no, this should be lovemaking. And you also don't want to
go in there all soft and cuddly, and they're like, no, you need to
be fisting her right now;' laughs Cummings.
"We did the first take, and it was very-it was very pleasant. It
was like, oh, I'm kissing you, and this is nice;' says Cummings.
"Then Julia and I sat down ... and I said, 'The only thing that
would really suck, would be if we go through and shoot this
whole sex scene and we don't really fully commit to it, and
people watch it, and go, 'Eh, that wasn't really sexy:"
Voth recounts the moment, "I looked at her and ... a light
bulb went off like, oh, that can't happen!"
"So, Julia and I just sort of made a commitment ... to just
go for it;' says Cummings. "We set these parameters of, OK,
can I kiss you with tongue? Yes. Can I grab your breasts? Can
I lick your breasts? Yes, you can grab my butt .... Then we just
went at it. The second take, [the director] looked at us and
was like, what just happened?;• laughs Cummings. 'J\t the end
of the day you look at someone like Julia, and she's drop-dead
gorgeous-why wouldn't I want to kiss her?"
There's plenty to love about Bitch Slap-it's fullof hot women
who love women, and action galore-but is it a feminist film?
The actors say yes."I think that it's just a really fun tongue-incheek way of saying, 'Hey, look where feminism is today: Now
women are playing the leading ladies who are saving the day
and saving the girl and c~rrying the big gun;' says Cummings.
The main complaint against the film is frs overt ogling
of the female cast, but, for Olivo, that's an argument in its
favor, "We have the freedom to be like, oh my God, women's
bodies are fantastic! Let's just have it out. Let's enjoy our
bodies. And let's show it off. Let's be sexy. Why can't that be
another form of femininity?"
Cummings looks forward to the film changing the minds
of jaded audiences, saying, "When women walk away from a
movie that they think is going to be beyond
offensive and think, you know, I really want
''/ Tlt/M• TltAT IT'$
to make out with a chick and punch someJIIIT A REM.LF
one in the face. I go, yeah, we did our job:' ■
,11M TOMGll£-IMClt££• WAF o,
IAFIMG, 'ltEF Loo•
WltERE ,£11/11611 II
TOOAJ'.
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The babes of
Bitch Slap
(from top):
Cummings;
Cummings,
Olivo, Julia Voth;
Cummings and
Olivo
April 2010
I33
This women-in-prison film pushes the boundaries of the genre.
By Rachel Shatto
Scenes from
Stuck! (above from
left): Jane Wiedlin,
Susan Traylor, Mink
Stole, Pleasant
Gehman, Starina
Johnson; (inset)
Gehman, Johnson;
Gehman
34
Icurve
hower scenes, sadistic guards, a cellblock riot and forbidden
dyke love-Stuck!, a '60s women-in-prison tribute, has
it all. Shot in black and white and set to a jazzy beatnik
soundtrack, it's an atmospheric, tragic homage to a bygone era.
In the grand tradition of women-in-prison films, Stuck!
centers on an innocent woman framed for her mother's
murder and sentenced to die by hanging. Daisy, played by
the deliciously curvaceous Starina Johnson, is thrust into
a pack of hard-boiled female cons, played by a mixture of
indie powerhouses-Mink
Stole, Pleasant Gehman, Susan
Traylor, Jane Wiedlin-and
co-staring genre icon Karen
Black as the nosy neighbor and sole witness to the "crime:'
The opportunity to work with such talented and established actors was a career
vault for Johnson, a relatively unknown actor."It's
really nice to work with
actresses who you can
feed off of. Sometimes
you work with people,
and they are just waiting
for their close-up, which •
is so awful. To work with
other people who also love the art of it is really nice;' says
Johnson.
The role of doomed "new fish" Daisy was immediately
appealing to Johnson. "There is something just fascinating
about having to live your life as fast as humanly possible
because you know you're going to be killed;' muses the
young actor.
Johnson recieved a little extra help getting into character,
when she and her and her fellow "inmates" were literally
locked into their cells in the humid heat of Macon,
Georgia for the shoots. "There was an oppressive feeling
in [the cell], plus with the movie lights on, it was really
claustrophobic ... it wasn't like there was just two people
there at a time. We all were in
there during all of the shots .
So you constantly had to be in
your character;' says Gehman,
who plays Dutch, Daisy's lusty
love interest.
Although the film relies
heavily on typecast sexploitation characters, it cannot
simply be categorized as just
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OIIEAIII TO BE Ill A WOIIEll"I Pll/1011
MOVIE... AIIO P,AFIIIG A W/1/TE TIIAl/1
/IOOllEII ,EIS/All COP ll1',EII, IIOW
cou,o I IAF 110?..
another kitschy chicks~in~chains flick. Stuck! is part genre
classic, part powerful drama and part black comedy-all
rolled into one sexy film.
Gehman was shocked at the powerful emotional under~
tones of the script. "During the actual shooting of it, it
became apparent to us that there was a lot of really heavy
emotions in the room. Like when ... Daisy got dragged off to
the gallows the first time. Seriously, I wound up crying off
four sets of false eyelashes. It was almost like The Crucible...
it was, like, spreading hysteria-if
one person was doing
something really emotional, everyone would start crying in
the cells;' says Gehman.
At the center of the emotions is a romance. Dutch is a cop~
killing prostitute who takes a liking to the innocent Daisy
from the moment she meets her. A lifetime fan of the sexploi~
tation genre, Gehman jumped at the chance to join the cast,
"[I was] fulfilling one of my life's dreams to be in a women's
prison movie and acting with one of my earliest screen idols ...
Mink Stole, especially when I found out she was going to be
my cell mate;' says Gehman, excitedly. ''And playing a white
trash hooker lesbian cop killer, how could I say no?"
However, when it came to her character, Gehman wanted
a few tweaks. ''At first, in the script, it actually ·says that she's
a manish woman. But, I decided since Dutch had been a
hooker-whether
or not she liked men-I figured she would
be using her sexual allure to get what she wanted. I wrote to
[the director] and I sent him pictures of Rosie the Riveter
and also the Ronettes. I said, 'I would kind of like her to ... be
almost a Puerto Rican tranny, and like a really tough, post~
World War II kind of woman instead:"
The director agreed and Gehman found herself really
getting into her character. "I was going overboard. I made a
shank out of a toothbrush and I showed it to all the girls in
~ the cast, and they were like, I want a shank;' laughs Gehman.
~ "Mink and I even were on the phone, flipping a coin over who
9.
got the top or bottom bunks:'
0
0
Both Johnson and Gehman were wary of the love scene in
~
~ the script, afraid they wouldn't do the moment justice. "That
UJ
ffi was actually the scene in the entire movie that I was most
worried about, because I wanted it to be just genuine. This is
~ one of the last times they're going to see each other;' explains
~:.Johnson. Gehman adds that her inspiration for the scene is
~ Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet,"where they just touch hands ...
j just a little finger touch between the bars:'
.
While Stuck! is firmly rooted in the grand tradition of
<(
~ women~in~prison films-in both theme and style-it
tran~
~ scends the genre to explore what it really means to be "stuck;'
~
a: and why it has very little to do with which side of the prison
ti~ bars you're on. ■
i
!
April 2010
I35
FloridaFamilyFun
Places to take your brood in the Sunshine State. By Edie Stull
Ask kids where they want to spend their next vacation and there
is a good chance Florida will be part of the conversation. With
eight major theme parks, it's a surefire place to find unlimited
entertainment, if you like rides and cartoon characters. But
Florida offers visitors a lot more-650 miles of beaches are
within an easy drive from anywhere in the state, and there are
dozens of other things to do and places to go for a diverse,
fun-filled vacation for everyone in the family.
While the state as a whole is less than gay-friendly, some
areas, notably Orlando, Miami and Tampa-St. Petersburg,
host popular annual queer events and are welcoming to
LGBT travelers.
Orlando: So Much More Than Mickey
Orlando is the No. 1 Florida family destination and Walt
Disney World's theme parks-Magic
Kingdom, Epcot,
Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios-top
the list.
While all the parks have something to appeal to every age,
younger children like the Magic Kingdom and it might
be difficult to pry older kids away from the Disney water
parks-Blizzard
Beach and Typhoon Lagoon. Disney's
Wide World_ of Sports complex hosts spring training for
the Braves and the Buccaneers and other sports events in a
state-of-the-art facility.
Orlando also has Universal Orlando, with two theme parks:
Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, which includes a
Dr. Seuss-themed area for little kids. Sea World Orlando
and Discovery Cove round out the big parks, and at both
of them you'll find smaller crowds among the sea life and
animal shows.
36
I curve
Aside from the big parks, you'll find Wonderworks, a "mad
scientist" kind of place housed in an upside-down building,
as well as everything alligator at Jungleland Zoo and Wet 'n
Wild's water slides and pools. It's more than enough to keep
the whole family occupied.
Disney cruises from Port Canaveral (an hour east of Orlando)
are boats filled with all things Disney, including movies, shows
and activities. The food is great and the ships are first-class.
Bonus: They have adult-only and children-only pools.
If you run out of things to do in Orlando, you can take
a day trip to the Kennedy Space Center (also an hour east
of Orlando), tour the Spaceport by bus and see exhibits and
programs at the Visitor Center.
Another hour's drive northeast from Orlando will put you
in Daytona Beach, home of the Daytona Speedway, where
you'll find a museum and a beach you can drive your car on.
Miami: Without the Vice
South Florida is home to a sizable lesbian and gay population
and is welcoming to gay travelers.
Thanks to the warm climate in Miami, its Metrozoo, one
of the first cageless zoos in the United States, houses a wide
variety of exotic animals from Asia, Australia and Africa. The
Seaquarium gives visitors a look at tropical sea life and people
over 52 inches tall can swim with the dolphins. Jungle Island
has birds in replicas of their natural habitat and at Monkey
Jungle "humans are caged and monkeys run wild;' a concept
that's sure to please young visitors. The Miami Museum
of ...Science has kid-friendly exhibits, as does the Miami
Children's Museum.
Sunshine State
(from left): Busch
Gardens in Tampa;
Daytona Beach;
Captain Memo's
Pirate Cruise.
Below: fun at
Disney World
Southwest of Miami, the Everglades National Park is
home to some 14 rare and endangered species and offers
hiking, camping and canoeing. Ft. Lauderdale, about 30 miles
north of Miami, is family~friendly and home to more than
100 gay businesses. Here you can find beaches, airboat tours,
the Anne Kolb Nature Center, the Antique Car Museum
and Butterfly World.
South of Miami, the Florida Keys stretch for more than
100 miles, all the way to gay~friendly Key West where you'll
find the Key West Aquarium, the Shipwreck Museum, the
Pirate Soul Museum, the Ernest Hemingway Home &
Museum, a lantern~lit ghost tour with Ghost Tours of Key
West, as well as A Key Encounter, which boasts a nature
theater and a jungle walk with live birds and animatronic
creatures like crocodiles and bobcats. (For more fun things
to do with kids in Key West, see"Rug Rat Road Trip" on the
following page.)
Tampa-St. Pete: Not Just for Retirees
o
:i:
1
~
C)
~
~
~
;
~
~
8
Busch Gardens theme park, with more than 2,700 animals,
many in natural habitats, is the centerpiece of a family visit to
Tampa. The park also has roller coasters, including a vertical
dive coaster. Adventure Island Water Park-30 acres of slides,
waterfalls, a wave pool and its own river-is open seasonally
from mid~March through early September, and on weekends
through October.
Glazer Children's Museum, scheduled to open this fall,
will feature learning environments with more than 175
interactive exhibits for kids up to 10 years old.
The Lowery Park Zoo houses more than 2,000 animals
on 56 acres of natural habitat. Kids can choose from a variety
of interactive activities, including feeding the giraffes,
stingrays and lorikeets and riding a camel or pony. The
park also has a sky ride, a safari ride, water play areas and
educational shows.
The Museum of Science and Industry includes an IMAX
Dome Theater, a planetarium and Kids in Charge, which
offers learning through play for children 12 and under. An
advisory board of 26 children between the ages of 10 and 17
helped to develop the space.
Captain Memo's Pirate Cruise (in nearby Clearwater Beach)
is a two~hour cruise with treasure hunts, face painting and water
gun games mainly for toddlers and school~age kids. Dinosaur
World, a small park in Plant City,just east of Tampa, has more
than 150 life~sizedinosaurs. ■
LGBT Eventsin Florida
ORLANDO
GayDayOrlando
June 1-7
(gayday.com)
WinterParty
March 3-8
(winterparty.com)
GlrlsIn Wonderland
MiamiGay& Lesbian
MIAMI
June 3-6
FIimFestival
(girlsinwonderland.com)
April 23-May 2
(mglff.com)
KEY WEST
Womenfast
Sept. 7-12
(womenfest.com)
FantasyFest
Oct. 22-31
(fantasytest.
net)
AquaGlrl
May 12-16
(aquagirl.org)
TAMPA-ST. PETE
TampalntemaUonal
Gayand Lesbian
FIimFestival
Women'sWhiteParty
Oct. 7-17
Nov. 24-29
(whiteparty
.org/womens) (tiglff.com/index.cfm)
April 2010
I37
Rug Rat Road Trip
A lesbian mom's guide to five kid-friendly destinations. By Aefa Mulholland
Tucson
Takethetykesto Tucson,
Ariz.,a sunny,
laidbacktownwith lesbian-friendly
accommodations
anda slewof
kid-popular
eateries.
Thecityoffers
opportunities
to getinteractivewith
exhibitsat the PimaAir andSpace
Museum.Goeye-to-eye
with bobcats,
prairiedogsandMexicanwolvesat the
Arizona-Sonora
DesertMuseum.Or
exploreOldTucsonStudios(above),
now
a Westernthemeparkwith stuntshows
anddancehallmusicals.
Youcanwalk
thestreetson whichhundreds
of films
andTVshowswereshot(including
LittleHouseon thePrairie,High
Chaparral
and TheThreeAmigo~.
Dollywood
Equalpartsthemepark,music
destination,homageto the Great
SmokyMountainsand,of course,
shrineto DollyParton,Dollywood
offersenoughof a mixtureacross
its 125lushEastTennessee
acres
to keepeveryonein the family
happy-from toddlersto teensto
Dollydevotees.There'san excellent
arrayof budgetaccommodations
andnon-Dollywood
activities,
fromthe DinosaurWalkMuseum
to whitewaterraftingadventures,
in PigeonForgeandnearby
Gatlinburg.
A frequenttrolley
servicelinksthe towns.
Key West
Packthe kidsand
the sunblockand
headdownU.S.
Route1 over42
bridgesand100
islandsto Key
West,Fla.Walkor
pedalbetweenthe
ButterflyandNature
Conservatory,
Key
WestMarinePark,FortZacharyTaylor
StateParkandshallow-waterreef
snorkelingsites.There'san abundance
of easyplacesto eat,free-roaming
chickensin the streetsanda refreshing
air of acceptance
whereveryougo.
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Chicago
A thrillingsmorgasbord
of familyactivitiesanda
wealthof kid-friendlyhotelsbeckonin Chicago.Tear
the weeonesawayfromthe sharksat the magnificent
SheddAquarium,sotheycansoarto greatheights
on NavyPier'sFerrisWheel,meetthe 1,250residents
of LincolnParkZooor seethe city from a different
perspectiveat the ChicagoBean(right).Thenwatch
themfrolic at LGBTfamily-friendlyHollywoodBeach.
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SHEDate
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The,,_DalingSittlorlhol""""'Conwnu,uty"'
ThesparklingEmeraldCityis a wonderfullywelcoming
lesbiandestination,with someof the country'stop family
hotels,fantasticrestaurantsandpicnicspots,andthe
dramaticbackdropof thejaggedOlympicMountainsto
the west.Hopaboardthe BainbridgeIslandferry,explore
PikePlaceMarket,spotspookyshadowson the eerie
Underground
Tour,get interactivewith aquariumexhibits
anddiscovermorechancesto get hands-on,regardless
of whatageyourcrew is, at the Experience
MusicProject
andScienceFictionMuseum,whichsit side-by-sidein
the SeattleCenter.
Join the Fastest Growing
Lesbian Dating Site!
It's FREEto Join
No More Backseat Meltdowns
What's a gal to do when things start falling apart in the backseat of the Subaru?
Roadtrip-sawy moms know that hi-tech options like DVDs and iPods usually
only work for a short time, so when your kids are at a meltdown stage that has
you asking, "Aren't we there yet?" you definitely need to be ready with a bagful
of low-tech tricks. Being prepared with a few easy, old-time car games might
make those miles go by a little more smoothly.
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Counting Crows,
Cows or Pink Cars
One player silently
selects a category of
objects to count. Most
young children need
broad categories (like
"birds"}, while older
children can guess more
specific categories
(like "crows"}. As your
car passes a select~d
object, the "it" player
counts out loud, adding
one to their total. The
other players guess what
is being counted, and
the first one to guess
correctly becomes the
next counter.
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Buzz
Players agree on a
number between 1 and
9, which becomes the
"buzz number." Then
beginning with 1, players
take turns counting in
numerical sequence, saying "buzz" whenever the
chosen number comes
up. For instance, if the
number is "2," the first
player says "1," the second player says "buzz,"
the third player says "3,"
etc., with the player who
gets 12 saying "buzz"
again (because 12 has
a 2 in it}. You're out if
F.findyour true match!
I
.
Upload:
Photos
Music
Vide0s
Instant Message
Chat Rooms
Video Chat
you don't "buzz" at the
right time. Older children,
can do this game as
multiples.
Alphabets
Players take turns naming
items in a category in
alphabetical order. For
example, if the category
is "favorite cartoon
characters," the first
player names a character
beginning with the letter
A, and the second player
names one beginning
with B. You can change
the game to name
only Disney cartoon
characters or movie
cartoon characters.
Three-Letter Words
The first player picks a
three-letter word such
as "fun." The second
player must say a threeletter word starting with
the last letter of fun,
for example "not." And
so on. A player who is
stumped or repeats a
word is out.
Simon(e) Does
The first player performs
a physical activity such
as hugging herself. The
second player repeats
the activity and adds a
new one, such as clapping her hands or faking
a sneeze, and so on,
until a player forgets one
of the activities and is
declared out. The game
continues until just one
player is left.
Carole Terwilliger Meyers
is the author of 19 books,
including Miles of Smiles:
101 Great Car Games &
Activities. She also writes
for weekendadventuresupdate.blogspot.com.
Send Greetings
E-mail Members
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Rate Photos
Register for
FREE
OJ
0
a:
www.shedate.com
FamilyFantasyland
From Knott's to Disneyland, California brings it. By Diane Anderson-Minshall
If you've got kids, going to theme parks is a parental obligation.
can smile knowing it's too ladies beneath the furry exteriors.
However, if you've got nieces and nephews that you visit once (Two things not in the book: You can move faster if all the kids
fit in a stroller and no matter how many churros or ice cream
a year-to shower with cheap, noisy gifts, stuff with junkfood
and then dump them off with your sister so you can get back you buy them, all their food will end up on the ground.
to your real life-well, then a theme park vacation is a fun way
If you choose to get grub outside the park, try the local Del
to win aunt of the year. I took my nephew and two nieces (all Taco for kids, or get a babysitter and go to Ralph Brennan's
Jazz Kitchen in Downtown Disney (it's the closest you'll get
under the age of 5) to the West Coast mecca of fun: Southern
California's Anaheim resort area.
to New Orleans this side of the Mississippi).
The next day we drove 15 minutes to get to Knott's Berry
If you want the full experience, stay at a Disney-themed
hotel. Disney's Grand California Hotel and Spa is upscale for Farm. During the Great Depression, Cordelia Knott fed 65the grown folks, while Disneyland Hotel is all about the kids. cent chicken dinners to travelers. Years later, Knott's became
Or, save cash like I did (hello, with four mouths to feed, even America's first theme park. Today it's the 12th most-visited
candy adds up) and go to a nearby motel like the Cortona Inn amusement park in the country, but it retains a certain down
& Suites (cortonainn.com), a Tuscan-style motel less than two home charm, with rides like the Calico Railroad, a narrowblocks from the Disney parks. The kids loved the free pour- gauge railroad with bandit holdups (which, in 1974, terrified
your-own waffle bar. I loved the hot tub, especially after 12 me so much my dad had to carry me out of the park).
This year, though, we spent most of the time at Knott's new
hours of Disneydom.
With our Park Hopper passes we were able to master Soak City, which combines thrillers (like Tidal Wave Tower,
Disneyland and Disney's newer park, California Adventure, in twin seven-story high-speed slides) with lazy rivers and an
one day (which I don't recommend). I introduced them to my adorable kid's lagoon. But, in the 800,000-gallon Wave Poolold (now retooled) faves like the Jungle Cruise, Pirates of the where the tide rushes in suddenly every few minutes- I ended
Caribbean and Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Thankfully, they're too up on my knees lifting terrified, drenched tots in the air, one
young for Cal Adventure's Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, a in each arm, while I sucked down chlorinated water after we
world-famous ride that, rumor has it, was "imagineered" with all lost our balance. (One more lesson: Remind the kids every
help of a lesbian Disney producer-designer. (I'm all for sister- five minutes to go to the bathroom-in the bathroom, not in
hood, but I won't step foot on that scary ride). Fortunately, Cal their swimsuits-something that was painfully obvious when
Adventure boasts a fave that we all adored: an awesome 3D my nephew pooped his pants out of excitement.
Southern California has a whole host of other theme parks
experience called It's Tough To Be a Bug, which actually had me
throwing my hands in the air and jumping out of my seat.
and attractions worthy of note. Fun With the Family Southern
We took the updated and expanded edition of Queens California (globepequot.com) makes for a great starter guide, 6
in the Kingdom: The Ultimate Gay and Lesbian Guide to the and be sure to try Medieval Times, Universal Studios (a ~
x
Disney Theme Parks ( queensinthekingdom.com) with us so I new Simpsons ride!), Legoland (tomboy heaven) and Magic ~
a:
could compare all the queer history of the area while giving Mountain (especially if you have thrill-seeking teens). The best ~
the kids the usual Disney experience. For example, because of part of my experience? At the end of it, I went home and drank ~
Mickey's small stature the costume is usually worn by a woman. a martini in the hot tub while my sister weaned overstimulated 3
:::,
So when you see everyone's favorite mice holding hands, you kids off of cartoon-shaped candy and reckless frivolity. ■
cf
0
§
California
theme parks
(clockwise from
left): Legoland's
Mini USA
lake; Knott's
Soak City;
Disneyland's
Pixie Hollow
40
I curve
Commemorating
40 years
Love
•
Compassion
of San Francisco
•
values
sfpride.org
Eat, drink
and •.• -
Diversity
Celebration and Parade
be fabulous!
This ad space generously
donated by Curve Magazine
June 26-27 2010
curve
•
THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
•
• J lie Dorf
i Olson and u J mie Wetherbe
Longtime activist~~t~~tters most. BY a
ta\k about w
.
enni Olson and Julie Dorf could save the world-and
if they don't, their kids just might. The Midwesternersturned-Californians have been together for 15 years
and crusading for social justice issues even longer.
They've divided their causes, but often share projects:
Olson has become an LGBT media guru while Dorf
focuses on equality at home and abroad-all while raising
two daughters.
"It is a tough balancing act to split your time between your
family and your friends and your passions;' says Dor£ "We get
a lot of satisfaction, joy and meaning from being engaged with
the social justice issues we're involved with:'
As the director of e-commerce at Wolfe Video.com, the
oldest and largest exclusive distributor of gay and lesbian
films, Olson (above left) spends most of her time "selling gay
movies;' she says with a laugh. More than that, she works to
expand LGBT representation on the big screen. Her job titles
have included film exhibition curator, director, award-winning
documentary filmmaker and author-all interests she developed while still a student at the University of Minnesota.
42
Icurve
"When I was corning out, I saw The Celluloid Closet, about
the history of homosexuality on the screen, and it made me
want to see all these movies;• she explains. 'i\nd that was the
way I was able to come out-through this culturalrepresentation
of gay and lesbian images. It was this catalyst for me, and I
decided that other people would want to see those films:•
In 1986, Olson founded the Minneapolis/St. Paul Lesbian,
Gay, Bi & Transgender Film Festival. "It was right before
Desert Hearts, so it was a really different time in terms of what
was out there;' she says. "It was a huge success. It was the start
of facilitating access to LGBT images and film in all forms of
culture and media, and that's what I continue to do today:'
Among Olson's other achievements, she co-founded
PlanetOut.com, acted as a guest curator on the San Francisco
International Lesbian and Gay Film Festival and wrote The
Ultimate Guide to Lesbian & Gay Film and Video and The
Queer Movie Poster Book. Her film credits include Homo
15,77
NUMBER
OFAMERICAN
SAME-SEX
COUPLES
WHOHAVECHILDREN.
SOURCE:
THEWIWAMSINSTITUTE,
U.C.LA.
Promo,a compilation of vintage gay movie trailers, and The
Joy ofLife,an experimental landscape documentary film about
the history of suicide and the Golden Gate Bridge.
Olson and Dorf continue to campaign to have a barrier
erected on the Golden Gate Bridge-a cause they undertook
after Olson's former colleaguejumped from the bridge in 1995.
"If you eliminate the means of people killing themselves,
they'll stop doing it;' says Olson. "Places where barriers were
erected, the suicides stopped. It's an impulsive act. Dry
statistics can't reach people in the same way, and reaching
them through arts and culture can be a very powerful thing:'
Dorf also became an activist at a young age. "I grew up in
a fairly religious family, becoming a young, budding feminist
in a patriarchal culture;' says the Wisconsin native. "I always
joke that it was in an orthodox Jewish school where I learned
to be a radical: I got kicked out of the sixth grade, and my fifth
grade report card said,'Beware of her feminist tendencies:"
Embracing those tendencies, Dorf has since become a
leader in the LGBT rights movement-she
founded and
directed the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights
Commission from 1990 to 2000-and
has worked with
the Open Society Institute, Global Fund for Women, Arcus
Foundation and Fenton Communications/] Street Project, to
name a few. More recently, she served on the boards of the
Human Rights Watch Women's Rights Division and the
LGBT Rights Program, Gender PAC and Power PAC.
In true lesbian philanthropic fashion, the couple met at
Creating Change, the annual conference of the National Gay
and Lesbian Task Force, in 1990 in Minneapolis.
"But we didn't fall in love for a few more years;' says Dor£
"I was smitten and pursued her;' says Olson, laughing.
"I wasn't single at that point;' says Dor£ "I was married to
my work-and also somebody else. We became playmates
and good friends for the first few years:'
Their love eventually grew into marriage, multiple timesin San Francisco in 2004, thanks to Mayor Newsom, and the
following year in Vancouver, when Olson had an entry in the
international film festival there. But the couple mark their
anniversary on the date of the private commitment ceremony
they had in the Grand Canyon "with a few squirrels around;'
says Olson.
Even with their professional achievements, Olson and Dorf
count their relationship and raising their girls, Hazel and
Sylvie, as their biggest accomplishment, adding that much of
their parenting is based on the Jewish values of charity and
helping others.
"Relationships are really hard. The simple fact of being
_together for 15 years, helping each other and supporting each
other to become our best selves, and the growing and the
changing that we do in the context of our relationship and
our family is something I'm proud of;' says Dor£
"Oh man, you can picture me getting teary~eyed over
here;' says Olson. "That is the real meaningful work of my
life... that we re very different from each other and we grow
together like crazy:'
"Our children are pretty great too;' adds Dor£ ■
ThoughNewOrleansis relatively
gay-friendly,adoptingas a samesexcoupleanywherein Louisiana
canbe a realchallenge.Understate
law,straightcouplesandsingle
peoplecanadopt,but gayand
lesbiancouplesare preventedfrom
adoptingjointly.So,onepartner
will haveno legalparentalrights.
Which,as youcan imagine,is a
considerable
roadblockwhentrying
to start a family.
NewOrleanians
EcoeeRooney
andMelodyPritchardhavebeen
togetherfor 15years.Perhaps
becausebothof themareonly
children,theylongedto start a
family."I canrememberus lyingin
bedat nightandtherewasthat little
spacebetweenus,andwe would
alwayssay... 'our babywill fit right
here,'" saysPritchard.
Rooney,
whoworksas a director
of educationandstaff development
at LSUPublicHospital,sayspursuing
all their optionsof adoptionwas
essential."It's notan easyroad,"she
says."Fromthe beginning,whenwe
werelookingat our options,there
werea lot of slammeddoorsand
closeddoorsandpathswe couldn't
evengo down."
RightafterHurricaneKatrina,
thetwo startedcontactingadoption
agencies.However,
the processwas
disturbing."It waslike youwere
orderingsomething,"
saysRooney.
"It costthis muchfor whitefemales,
this muchfor whitemales.White
femaleswereat the top of the
pricelist-black maleswereat the
bottom... Weweredisturbedbythe
wholeprocess."
Thecouplewassurprisedto
find that their racewasalsoa
roadblockto adoption."Wewere
hopingto adoptanAfricanAmerican
or a Hispanicbaby.It didn't matter
to us,we just wanteda baby,"
saysPritchard,whoworksas a
supported-living
facilitatorfor
Volunteers
of America."Wehadan
agencytell us we can't because[we
were]two whitewomenlivingin
NewOrleans-plusbeinglesbians...
Theysaid,'Noway,absolutelynot.'"
Thetwo womencameacross
thesehurdlesdespitethe fact that
theyhadservedas a receiving
homefor around20 babiesawaiting
adoptionoverthe years,as part
of a localmaternityandadoption
program."Weweregoodenoughto
dothat,butwe weren'tgoodenough
to adoptbecauseof the statelaws,"
saysPritchard.
Andtheneventstook an
unexpected
turn-the two
happenedto run into a nursing
schoolcontactthey hadn'tseen
in years.Shetold themshewas
lookingfor a homefor her nephew.
Theyhireda privatelawyerand
Jude(whowas borntwo months
premature)
-entered
their lives.
Harddecisionshadto be made,
suchas whowasgoingto do
the adopting."Wethoughtabout
movinga lot... goingto placeslike
Love in NOLA continued on page 62
enew
f am1·1
Jackie Strano and Shar Rednour movedfrom producinglesbian
pornto raisingqueer kids. By Lori Selke
ackie Strano and Shar Rednour are probably most
famous as the butch,femme power couple behind
S.I.R. Video Productions, the landmark lesbian porn
company founded in the late '90s. In releases such as
Hard Love & How to Fuck in High Heels and Sugar
High Glitter City, Rednour and Strano (above right)
showcased authentic butch,femme action, with heaping
helpings of strap,ons, queer high camp style and hot, rough
sex. Many of their releases co,starred themselves, and the
productions earned high acclaim. A collection of awards
accumulated on their mantelpiece.
The production company went on hiatus in 2004 after
the release of Healing Sex, a different kind of movie-a non,
explicit video on how to achieve intimacy and pursue pleasure
after abuse and trauma-co,produced with somatic therapist
Staci Haines. After that, the pair took a break and went
"underground" -to adopt children and raise a family. A passel
of three boys, to be specific: One 4,year,old, one 5,year,old,
both of whom came to the couple as babies, and one out
teenage drag queen.
Rednour and Strano have been together for 17 years and
counting, and they've always been on the cutting edge. In 1996,
they were wed in a ceremony held in the back room of the
dyke,owned Black and Blue Tattoo in San Francisco, where
they received matching wedding,band tattoos on their fingers.
44
I curve
"We called it our Fierce Queer Love Union;' recalls Rednour.
"Instead of being traditional, it was turning tradition on its head:'
S.I.R. Video was founded shortly thereafter. Rednour had
solid film,production chops from her years working for Fatale
Video, the offshoot of the infamous lesbian porn magazine On
Our Backs. The closure of the two companies left a certain void
in the queer community. So Strano and Rednour filled it with
a surefire winner: A how,to video for male anal pleasure and
strap,on sex called Bend Over Boyfriend.
To finance their first release, S.I.R. Video collaborated with
Nan Kinney of Fatale and Joani Blank, the founder of Good
Vibrations, Strano went to work for Internet search company
Ask Jeeves during the dot,com boom, cashed in her stock
options, and invested her earnings in a new company.
"We picked Bend Over Boyfriend because we knew that we
could make our money back;' says Rednour. "Get the capital
going first, pay off the investors and then start our company;'
Strano adds. They used the profits to launch their dyke,
centric titles.
"We made what we like to see:• says Rednour. "We actually
had no clue as to whether we'd even make five dollars:' As it
turned out, the dyke movies were a solid success, winning
one AVN award, the Oscars of the porn industry-and were
nominated for several more.
After seven. successful releases, however-not to mention
the publication of Rednour's ultimate how-to guide for all
things femme, The Femme'sGuide to the Universe,the couple
were ready for a break.
"It was a conscious choice;' says Strano. "We'd come off 10
years of hardcore production-touring-performing modemovies, and my band The Hail Marys (heard on the soundtrack of Bound], and books. We were just crazed, and I said
that if we were going to have babies I needed some quiet for
a little while:'
After taking a year off to live in the woods of Boulder Creek,
Cal{£, the couple relocated to Santa Cruz, where Strano took
a nine-to-five job and they began their family through fosteradoption. They came back to the San Francisco Bay Area
when they moved to Oakland just a handful of years later and
adopted their third child-a teenage foster son.
"He's a queen;' they say together, a fierce gay queen who
likes to steal Rednour's jewelry and stockings and had a
vogue-off for his 17th birthday party. Since their foster son
has come to live with them, the couple have become dedicated
activists, encouraging everyone who can to foster queer teens
themselves.
"Everybody needs to bring home a queer teen and take care
of our own people. That's our message;' says Strano. Rednour
underlines how accessible to queer parents the foster care
system really is: "You don't have to have a partner, you don't
have to have a lot of money at all, you just have to prove you'r~
Sex
sane and stable, and get fingerprinted and go through some
training, but it's lifesaving:'
How do you balance being a "big underground queer" with
being a mom? "You don't;' says Rednour. "I don't think there
is a balance:' Strano explains, "It's called spinning plates. You
take a break and then pick up another:'
Parenthood has certainly left its mark on Rednour and
Strano's lives-and furniture. "Sometimes I look at our bed;'
admits Rednour, "and there's two gigantic boys, Jackie and a
pee puddle ... and I'm, like, I literally can't fit in our California
king-size bed that used to have orgies with six people on it!"
"Did you think, 17 years ago, when we met-"
'J\.t a sex club!" Rednour rushes to add.
"Feet in our face;' Strano muses.
But this butch-femme power couple still have plenty of
plans up their sleeve. Rednour looks forward to more books
and possibly a documentary film about the first wave of
lesbian pornographers. And Strano has resurfaced with a
bang-she's been appointed the COO of the legendary femi:
nist sex company Good Vibrations.
"I feel, at 44, I've finally found a job that I really, really love;'
Strano says. She also has a new band that's gearing up to play
regular gigs in the Bay Area. And the pair haven't ruled out
the possibility of making more movies.
"It's going to be a while, we'll get some funding going, but I
want to get some more stuff out;' says Strano.
ips Eo Dyke ea ents ______
++
_....,__--1
Whenit cameto jugglingparentingandtheirsex life,"wehad lotsof issues,"admitsSharRednour.
Yes,evendykepornparagooscan havetroublereconciling
the demandsof parentingwiththe desireto
maintainan activesex life.JackieStranoadds,"I don'twantto comeoffas, like,oh, thisis how youdo
it, and we'regreat,everything's
perfect.""Morelikedesperate,"
jokesRednour.So,
herearetheirbattle-tested
tipson howto get it on duringthe chaosof parenthood.
1. Get a Reem. •'The
first thingI wouldsay If I
readthat in an article
'Well I'm glad for them,
they can affortla hotel.'
Iii
...J
::)
w
>w
z
cr:
w
:r:
Forthe record,actuaffYi
we can't. But a divorce
is a lot moreexpensb(e.
Get onllne,get your$80
specialon Priceline,"says
Rednour.The pair point
out that rentinga hotel
or motel room,evenfor•
few hours,getsyou out
of yourd~hOme
environmentand intoa
moreleisuntlyframeof
mind.Takea ~
a magazine,talk to
other...and then.,_...., -•,
a. Not Tut. "I waswitha
groupof straight women
the otherday, and they
were reallyjealousbecause
of you sending me hot text
malls, Rednourtells her
par:tner."So of courseI had
to showoff. I went backand
readthem to them.II
parenthOOd:
•Therewffl
be snoton ue,and she's
runningto the bathroom
and gettingready for work
and leavingme In five
minutes.But that kindof
stuffreallymatters.
a. Talk.,__.,,_
kidsare
ft
N
lt'a All 'IIIIL, -a.oakat
each otherand tell each
othersexy stuff,even if
you c:an'tdo an)'thing
~ it,"saysRednourIt's a smalldally way to
~ and reinfo,oe
~ even underthe
trying circumstances
of
ft
a. Cableon Denland.
4. Prteilllae. ~.
all you're up
makeout
Just
in the
Othertimes
up times: ..,
menu,not ~th
let's go!"
appetiz-►
Stnlnot!!chllln'tnle
..
foreplay
.
-Novw
that we don't allow
finl in the house...we use
Mldnl_ght
Love on Comcast
on ~cl.
The TV acts
e lightingsituationas
well as our music,11 says
ednour."I used to have
60 pandlesaroundour
Caflfomlaking-sizebed,
"••w1u11A1111t.l,like,jU9t tum
llldnltlht
Love andao
me!"!lAllt
Selke)
~
(.)
April 2010 j 45
Two lesbian moms
talk about living in
conservative America.
By Jenny Lovell
ake a stroll down the streets of San Francisco, New
York or Seattle these days and you will see families
of all shapes and sizes. But what about the countless
lesbian mothers who live outside of the more liberalleaning coastal regions? What goes on in small towns
in Wisconsin, Mississippi and Idaho? Lesbian couples are
making families work, even if the social networks they rely
on-their
schools, churches and local communities-are
against them.
Happy in
Mobile:
Kimberly
McKeand
(right), Cari
Searcy and
their son,
Khaya
46
Icurve
StuckBetweena Rockanda Hardcase
Lucy lives in Alabama and has no legal right to her daughter.
She is not openly gay because "it is hard enough being a
woman, much less gay.To be openly gay or gay with children
would be horrible:'
Lucy (not her real name) met her life partner in 1992. The
two were on opposite ends of the social spectrum. Lucy was an
out lesbian, while her partner, who we'll call Jane, came from
an upper-class religious family."Her surname is well known
and respected in the community, so we had struggles from the
start:' Lucy was known as "the roommate'' when Jane's family
came to visit, and the two were never an out couple.
After being in a relationship for 10 years, they decided to
start a family but they quickly found out that adoption would
be difficult."Most adoption agencies, and all in South Alabama
at the time, were run by religious organizations and usually
backed by the prominent churches. So, we debated whether
to lie or not, but we didn't want to go into this based on
deception;' Lucy explains.
The couple then tried a reproductive specialist, only to be
brutally rebuffed once more. "The doctor informed us that he
would not do any procedure that would help us conceive a
baby. He noted that, while he was bound by his profession to
help, he hoped we understood that he could not, based on his
religious beliefs;' Lucy says."We were crushed:'
Lucy and Jane finally found a family that was looking for
a good home for their soon-to-be-born baby girl. "We were
shocked, excited, grateful and worried;' says Lucy. But, after
Jane struggled to adopt the baby, they did not want to try for a
second-parent adoption.
Over time, Jane and Lucy's relationship deteriorated. "The
stress and social stigma in Alabama of an adoption by a 'single
woman' who has been living with another woman for 15 years,
followed by the pressure, questions, accusations and threats of
eternal damnation took its toll;' Lucy explains.'The conservative
nature of this area has reduced my public role in my daughter's
life to that of a babysitter. I cannot be involved in any medical
emergencies that may arise or educational decisions that need
to be made. I have no legal rights to our baby and rely solely on
the kindness of my ex-girlfriend:'
A passion for her 3-year-old daughter keeps Lucy from
giving up. "I would give up everything I have worked for,
except for my daughter. In a more liberal environment, I could
"I would give up everything I
have worked for, except for
my daughter. In a more liberal
environment, I could breathe for
the first time. But, since my ex
has legal rights to her and will not
leave the state, I am here to stay."
breathe for the first time. But, since my ex has legal rights to
her and will not leave the state, I am here to stay:'
FamilyMatters
Cari Searcy and Kimberly McKeand met in college at Stephen
F.Austin State University, in Nacogdoches, Texas. They have
been together for 11 years and have an adorable 4-year-old son
named Khaya, who McKeand carried. Both women are from
the South, so they decided to settle in Mobile, Ala. after graduation. They say they thought about Atlanta and Chicago, "but
we had family in Mobile, why move to a big city?"The political
disposition of the city did not dissuade Searcy and McKeand
from moving to Mobile because the individuals who made up
their community were so supportive.
Although making the decision to settle was easy, the two
admit that· being a lesbian couple with a child has not been
seamless. Conceiving was easy for McKeand, but Khaya was
born with a dysfunctional heart and had to have surgery within
months. The open-heart procedure left Khaya with a tough
recovery,requiring a feeding tube and intensive home care.
"I had never missed a doctor's appointment;' Searcy recalls.
"I was the other parent, so I asked the nurses to teach me how
to change his feeding tube and take care of him. They asked
me if I had the papers to prove it. Then one of the nurses
started walking over to the phone and said something about
calling a social worker. Kim and I realized that we needed to
be prepared the next time this happened:'
Searcy filed for second-parent adoption, which the judge
rejected because Alabama does not recognize same-sex
marriage. Just as it was in Lucy's case, the decision was up to
a singlejudge. The couple was not seeking recognition of their
commitment. Searcy simply wanted the right to be a parent
to her child, but the court denied her legal petition to adopt
Khaya. "I have no rights;• she states with indignation.
Their lawyer advised Searcy and McKeand to get married
in another state, so that the Alabama judge could not deny
them again without making the case a federal issue. If Alabama
refused to recognize a marriage from another state, the couple
could take the issue to a federal court. Searcy and McKeand
were married in California in 2008, but then Prop. 8 passed
in California, overturning the legal right to marry and putting
their case on hold, at least temporarily.
The two say they live without hiding their relationship
because Mobile is their home and they have a supportive network of gay and straight friends. They even explained their relari' tionship to Khaya's Baptist preschool before he enrolled. The
~
8 school was very welcoming during the two years he attended.
~ -Although traditional, Khaya's grandparents became increas~ ingly comfortable"after they saw us interacting as a family unit;'
g:i Searcy says. "For the first time, my mom wasn't thinking
~ about my sex life. We were just a family:•
0
~
Although prejudice in the south makes family life more
()
ffi complicated, these women are forging a future for the next
~ generation of married-with-children lesbians. In Lucy's
a:
~ words,"! wouldn't change a thing for the chance to have the
()
i-: love of our baby:' ■
Award-winning
film A VeryLong
Engagement
is a documentary
that
followsa lesbiancoupleontheir
missionto marrylegallywhenone
is givena yearto live.EastCoast
filmmakersandlife partnersSusan
MuskaandGretaOlafsd6ttir,
producers/
directorsof TheBrandonTeena
Story,
document
thecouples'44-yearlove
storythatspansa crucialperiodin
LGBThistoryin theirvisuallystunning
andbittersweetmust-seefilm.
HowdidyoufindoutaboutEdie
andThea?
MUSKA:
Theyhadcontactedourfriend
abouthelpingthemgo upto Torontoto
getmarried,because
Theahadbeen
givenapproximately
a yearto liveby
herdoctors.Togetmarriedwastheir
mosturgentneed,wantanddesire.
WhenJOUbeganshootingIn 2007,
didJOUknowhowwell timedJOW'
film wouldbe?
MUSKA:
We'rereallyhappyabout
that.... Prop.8 andwhathappened
in California
... emphasized
thatthere
wasanurgencyto getthestoryout...
therewasalreadyan urgency[for
us]becauseofThea'shealth.It was
importantto spreadthewordof what
equalmarriagerightsareandwhoit
affects.Howcanyousaythosepeople
don'tdeserveequalrights?
Thea'sconditiondidn't saemto
changetheirralatlonshlp.
0LAFS0OmR:
That'soneof the
amazingthingsaboutthem.Thefirst
signof MSwasat aboutage42,but
theydidn'tknowwhatit was.
MUSKA:
It wasn'tdiagnosed
until
shewas45.Theybothmaintained
anequalityin theirrelationship.
Theystroveto maintainthat,andit's
probably
whatkeptthesparkof their
relationship
going.
It's lntarestlng
howunlnblbllad
lheJare,eventaldng aboutsax.
MUSKA:
I thinkthatsayssomething
aboutEdieandThea.Theywerevery
frankandspokevery
honestlyandtalked
aboutthings
that probablyeveryone
wouldbea
lot betteroff if theyweremoreopen
about.
11lesHdesof tlan In Ille '60s and
'70s arelll8llla1zlng.
0LAFSDOmR:
They'reunbelievable
dressers.
MUSKA:
Andattractive.
0LAFSD0mR:
Ohmygosh,yeah.
Totallysexyandbeautiful.
HowIs Ediedoing?
MUSKA:
She'scomewith us to a lot
of festivals.Shecameto Frameline,
the film's debut,andalsoher 80th
birthday.
0LAFSDOmR:
Peoplewerecomingup
to heronthestreet,[andasking]"Can
I giveyoua hug?"It wasamazing.
She'salsoa greatspokesperson,
so
the planis,shewill goasmuchas
possiblewith us.Wehopethis is a
newchapter.
What'snextfor BlessBless
Producllons?
0LAFSDOmR:
Wehavea big project
pntheworks],but really
we wantto supportthis
film andcontributeto
thedialogue.I don't
knowhowlongAmerica
is goingto bebackin
the MiddleAgeswhenit
comesto gaymarriage.
[LaurieK.Schenden]
April 2010
I47
Trans couples speak about love
and the special bonds they've
forged through overcoming
adversity. By Katrina Fox
+
Couples in love: (1)
Marty Diaz (right)
and Sonya Bolus, (2)
Katrina Fox {right)
and Tracie O'Keefe,
(3) Susan Stryker (left)
and Kim Klausner, (4)
Erica Zander (right)
and Katarina Mason,
(5) Tina Roberts {right)
and Jess Roberts
48
Icurve
hen I met my partner, Tracie O'Keefe, 18 years
ago, I was in seventh heaven. Here was a self
assured, intelligent, glamorous woman with
amazing cheekbones and a sense of camp to
match my own. I had finally found my own personal Joan
Collins. When a friend insisted that Tracie had "had a sex
change" and was "born a man;' I couldn't give two hoots. She
was still the gorgeous, sultry goddess I had fallen for and her
"history" made no difference to how I felt about her.
Over the years, our love blossomed as we opened each
others' eyes and hearts. She introduced me to the concept of
gender diversity, and I converted her from a bisexual carnivore
to a lesbian vegan. It's been an amazing journey.
Erica Zander, a 56~year~oldtrans lesbian from Sweden, and
her partner, Katarina Matson, 46, are at the start of their journey,
having been together just 18 months. "I found this club for
slightly older women, looked at the photos from their
parties on their website and was totally transfixed by this
blonde with a lovely smile;' Zander says. "When I eventually
visited the club, she was there but I didn't dare speak to her. I
didn't feel all that sure about my standing as a woman in the
lesbian community:'
Zander's initial fear of being shunned by the lesbian
community is familar to many trans women. There are still
pockets of separatists who refuse to accept trans women as
women, accusing them of "violating'' women's space if they
come to a lesbian event. Tracie and I have experienced it, as
have San Francisco~based trans historian Susan Stryker, 48,
and her partner Kim Klausner, 55.
''I've lost a number of friends because of their prejudice;'
says Klausner. "Some didn't want to change. Others were a bit
more open~rninded and were willing to engage in dialogue, but
it left a bad taste in my mouth and I was never as close with
them after tha,t:'
~
~
0
i
i;,
~
~
w
5i
~
ffi
~
&
~
0
~
~
~
~z
;
~
tii:
~
<(
~
i
UJ
c3
~
co
~
B
a:
~
~
~
~
It's a testament to their love and r~silience that couples in
this situation are able to withstand the slings and arrows that
seem tobe coming at them from all directions, especially when
the rejections and insults come from the queer community.
Cha-Cha-Changes
Women in relationships with trans partners can also experience
grie£ loss and even betrayal, without a support system of their
own-as Californian Sonya Bolus, 38, found out when her
partner, Marty Diaz, 45, transitioned to male.
"I knew that my partner identified as a transgendered
butch;' she says. "He already used male pronouns except
when he was around his family. When I first met him, he
was certain he would not transition. He had decided that it
would be too hard on his family and it was not in line with his
woman-centered spiritual beliefs:'
So when Diaz did decide to transition, it had a big
impact on the couple's relationship. "It can be hard watching
him change so dramatically;' Bolus says. "Intellectually,
I'm comfortable and knowledgeable about trans issues, but
when it is happening on a personal level I am just like anybody
else: I fall apart emotionally. I miss being with Marty the way
he used to be ... the female-bodied Marty. He had smooth
skin and a softness about him that isn't there anymore. He
smells different. He has a lot of body hair. His curves are
gone. I know these are superficial things, but they are
also very intimate things, and when those intimate things
change abruptly, it is very disorienting:'
As Bolus notes, there is no room for socially sanctioned
grief or loss in these situations. ''As the partner of someone
who's transitioning, you are supposed to be excited and happy
about everything," she says. "The trans guy is so thrilled with
the changes that are happening, and, in many ways, so are you.
But you are also losing something that you don't want to lose.
And it is very sudden, so there is not enough time to process
it while it's happening:'
In addition to these often-painful emotions, a partner's
transition can also result in an identity crisis for the nontrans person. "I often feel-abruptly and painfully-that
I am the wife in a heterosexual relationship, something I
did not bargain for as a queer-identified person;' says Bolus.
"Sometimes it is challenging to accept all the implications of
spending the rest of my life with a man. I have also felt_some
pain when I have gone out into the world with Marty and we
haven't been recognized as queer, either by other gay or lesbian
folks or even by straight people. I like being queer and visible
and I miss that:'
Tina Roberts, a 36-year-old New Yorker who has been
with her husband, Jess, 30, for five years, found herself going
through emotions similar to Bolus. Only a few months ago,Jess
began his transition to male, throwing Roberts into a state of
panic. "When I found out, I felt like my life bottomed our;' she
admits. "Up until a few months ago I was a femme lesbian. Now
Love Is a Many Gendered Thing continued on page 63
ily
One lesbiantellsthe tale of creating
a cross-~ultural family that includes
a teen mom and her triplets.
By Katrina Fox
thatar(?se
because
youwerea lesbian
hen Elizabeth K. Gordon opened her door to a Werethereproblems
Whatwasthereactionof yourfriendsandfamily,and
15-year-old homeless pregnant girl whom she couple?
arol!ndyou?
had befriended, she had no way of knowing .thecommunity
As a lesbian couple, we were already off the grid, so merging
how much her life was about to change. Her
book, Walk With Us, details how she and her partner Kaki, with Muslim teen parents and their triplet newborns was a
who are white lesbian Quakers, reached out to Tahija, an stretch, but not an impossibly long one. Maybe dykes are
African American Muslim, who soon became the mother
better than most at thinking out of the box.
As for our families' reactions, Kaki's mother was great. She
of triplet boys. Gordon provides a unique account of the
pregnancy and birth as well as the complexities of racism, visited and quickly befriended Tahija. My mother, had she been
cultural differences and socioeconomic injustice that she living, would have been great, too. Others either shunned us for
being gay or were afraid to visit us because they equated black
encountered along the way.
and brown faces with a "bad" neighborhood. Usually, if people
WereyouandKakiUlinking
abouthaving
children
9fyourownwhen met the triplets and were willing to open their hearts just a little,
Tahija
andherboyfriend,
Lamarr,
showed
uponyourdoorstep?
the boys would push the door open the rest of the way.
No, we weren't. We'd only been living together a month,
Our i;ieighbors were intrigued. Triplet babies, after all, are
and dating for about a year. Kaki always wanted a daughter
an amazing and beautiful thing. Me pushing them through the
and feels that, in some ways, Tahija became that daughter.
park, or Kaki and me playing with them on a blanket, went
I was satisfied with my nine nieces and nephews.
some way toward defusing homophobia.
Didthe decisionto becomeTahija'slegalguardianfeel natural Howhaswritingthisstoryaffectedyourrelationship
withTahija
to you?Wasthisa bigstepfor youas a couple?
andLamarr?
Howhasit affectedyourrelationship
withyour
It was a big step. Standing before a judge, saying"yes" and"yes" partner,
Kaki?
to a series of questions, felt to us like a marriage-like commitWriting the story deepened my relationship with Tahija
ment. I think at some level we felt, back then, that we had to and Lamarr. Lamarr called me late one night after he read it
earn the right to be recognized and respected as a couple. Isn't straight through. He didn't realize, he said, how maternal I felt
that a shame? And it was natural because, by then, we had been toward the boys. Our relationships now-me and Kaki with
acting as parents for months. It's what Tahija wanted, because the parents, as a couple, and each of us as individuals with each
other-are better than they have ever been. Kaki and I wish we
it helped her keep the boys out of the foster care system.
Youbecametheboys'maincaregiver.
Whatwasit likecaring
had more time with the triplets, and more say in their lives.
We've come out to the triplets, who are 11 now. I think
fortriplets?
When Tahija was ready it's complicated their lives at school, because now they have
to go back to school after to confront homophobia and deal with the consequences, or
the births, I was the only fail to confront it and deal with how that feels. I can relate,
one she trusted enough because, loving them as I do, I have to be an anti-racism activist.
to watch the boys. I had I don't want to deal with how it feels to be otherwise.
racismyousawinthetriplets'
already been helping Youtalkabouttheinternalized
family.Howhasthataffectedthetriplets?
with them some and parentsandextended
had grown attached. I Much has been written about internalized racism, and I'm not
an expert. I know more about internalized dominance and
jumped at the chance.
Caring for them was how to start to take responsibility for it and change it. I think
a wonder and a joy. internalized racism in the boys and their family manifests as
Thank goddess, Kaki a whole cluster of stresses, confusions, fears and doubts, and
these lead, over time, to stress and stress-related sickness.
had a [part-time] job
that let her work out W.E.B. Dubois' classic work The Souls of Black Folk is,
a:
of the house, so she unfortunately, still relevant.
UJ
I
was able to spell me. Howhasyourbookbeenreceived?
~
The main stress for When I give readings, I get laughter, sometimes tears. Walk ~
me was not the child- With Us stimulates memories of people's .own cross-cultural <e
~
relationships. People like to share their own stories, which ::!E
care piece but the differences that began to arise between
0
I
I[our] ideas about childcare and the parents:
is great. ■
50
Icurve
Sfaveyo~weddin,g
ca~e
cu1ueatit,
too
So, you've got wedding bells in your future. Let me be the
first to congratulate you and offer you and your partner best
wishes for a happy future together. Now it's time to get down
to business and start planning the actual event. There's a lot
of advice out there for straight couples, but hardly any advice
available for lesbians. Sticking to a budget is all the more
important for same-sex couples, since many of us cannot
count on our families to help pick up the tab. Y~u shouldn't
have to go into debt to celebrate your commitment. Most
couples spend an average of $17,000 on their wedding. But
my partner and I planned
ours for under $2,000.
Here's how you can, too.
1.~ fMweddwJ
~-
Wedding planners certainly
make putting together your
event more convenient. They
have a lot of experience and
How to plan your wedding
without going broke.
By Serena Freewomyn
contacts, which can sometimes get you a better deal. But their
fees are an added expense, pondyou and your partner may be
the best-qualified people to plan your big day. Shannon and
I integrated the wedding planning into our regular pizza
date. We'd meet every Friday to go over the checklists, then
snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie. Keep the lines
of communication open, write everything down and you
and your partner can plan the wedding of your dreams. If
you think you might need more help, get friends and family
involved. People like having specific tasks. Just be sure to
check in regularly with everyone involved, so that you know
you're on track.
2. vU01tlto~
yoUll
e~.
There are all kinds of free
wedding budget worksheets available on the Internet, but all
you really need is an Excel spreadsheet. Decide how much
you want to spend on the wedding, the reception and the
honeymoon. Then keep track of everything by entering all
your receipts into your spreadsheet.
"J\Aost
coupQes
spend
anavewge
OD$17,000
ontheUt
wedding.
CWe
pfonned
OU]{S
DOh
undeh
$2,000."
s.CJ'tck
Oil llle~llle
lleltue.Shannon
and I exchanged our vows on the beach. The
reception was held in a public park, and the
gazebo rental was only $14. Many couples
celebrate in the backyard. Outside weddings
have the added benefit of free greenery, which
helps you spend less on decorations. If you
choose an outdoor location, you will need to
consult an almanac to see what the weather
is typically like on your wedding date. Hope
for sunshine, but plan for some rain. Have a
backup plan to avoid a major panic if it starts
to drizzle.
8. ~ a ~lmtdtakepllotoo.
Many
of us have friends who take great photos, so
why not enlist them to document your day?
They'll feel flattered that you trust them with
this responsibility. Try to meet with them at
least once before the big day to give them a
list of specific photos you want them to get
at the wedding.
9. Qeta lllJlfage
di\egg.
OK, we all know
that "vintage" is just a cute word for "used:'
But there's no shame in wearing a secondhand dress. I didn't even wear a "wedding''
dress for my special day. It was just a white
[ 4. ~ htOOllJlg
Oil~
kOOP.ptlM.sundress that I bought on Amazon, of all
Breakfast
and
lunch
buffets
are
cheaper
to
places. I spent $40 on the dress and $20
0
!!l.
to have it tailored by my dry cleaner. The
ill host than an evening reception. People tend
to eat less, and they don't drink as much as Internet is teeming with great resources for
. finding wedding apparel on the cheap.
§g they do at night.
a:
a
J
a:
!
~
it~
!
~
o0
~
~
6. CBettelt
get,gopotluck.
Shannon
and
I asked our guests to bring a side dish to the
reception in lieu of a gift. Everyone had a
great time and felt like they were making a
meaningful contribution by bringing something to eat. We provided catered BBQ
sandwiches, drinks and two cakes for less
than $500.
z
~
~
<(
6. CutbackOil tltea~co~. You could
:J
omit it altogether and save a big chunk of
change on your reception. If you don't want
c3
iii t? completely eschew the booze, consider
ill
~ using an expensive wine near the beginning
~ -of the reception and then switching to Two
CD Buck Chuck later in the evening. Your guests
fIT
~ will hardly notice after they've already begun
~ to wet their whistles.
e.
...J
~
~
~
(.)
~ 7. CBegou.t
OWllCOJ.Instead
of hiring
someone, why not make a party mix of all of
a:
z your favorite songs? Put the iPod on shuffle
~
~ for the night and that's all there is to it.
~
10. Coll91.<Wt
taklJlgYOUllMlleYIIIOOll
cfu.wtg
tlte°'t90000ll. Shannon and I took
a trip to Holland an entire month before our
commitment ceremony. The airplane tickets
were about $600 less in March than they
would have been in May. We got a great deal
on our hotel this way, too. You don't have to
take your honeymoon right after the reception
just because everyone else is doing it. To have
a fairy tale honeymoon for a fraction of the
cost, sign up for email alerts to get great deals
on airfare, hotels and rental cars, and be
flexible with your travel dates. ■
[a_
'!!i
"If you're going to
break the glass, make
absolutely sure one of you
leaves the stilettos at home
and wears the Doc Martens."
DISCOUNT
WEDDING
DRESSES
In additionto the usual
suspects(Amazon,
Craigslist,
eBay),checkout Bluefly.com,
BudgetBridalGowns.com
and
SellYourWeddingDress.com
for yourgownortux.Youcanalsobrowse
throughsecondhand
shopsor hit yardsales
to find a bargain.
DIVANNOUNCEMENTS
Siteslike Evita.com
allowyouto sendfree
electronicinvitationsandkeeptrack of
RSVPs
for you,andyoucanalsousethem
to updateyourguestsaboutanychanges
in venue,parkinginfo,etc.Createcustom
announcements
with a few keystrokes.
Uploada favoritephotoof youandyour
partner,designa layout,thenorderyour
cards.Manyo linecompaniesprovidethis
service,but Snapfish.com
is oneof the
mostbudget-friendly.
Youcanalsoprint
yourannouncements
at home.Usuallythe
computersoftwareis under$10andsome
of themevenincludethe paper.Visita craft
storeto pickupyourDIVsuppliesandhave
an invitepartyfor envelopestuffing.
WEDDING
RINGS
Weboughtour ringson Etsy.com.
Notonly
did we get uniquerings,we supporteda
small,noncommericial
artistlike fabuluster.
etsy.com(right).Justrememberthat
anythingcalleda "wedding
ring" is goingto be marked
up in price.Sokeepit simple
anddo a Googlesearchfor
"rings" instead.Thisis another
areawhereyoucouldlookat
secondhand
storesor try your
luckat a flea marketor a yardsale.
WEDDING
PLANNING
TOOLS
GayWeddings.com
or TwoBrides.com
canhelp
youfind gay-friendly
weddingvendors.
LEGAL
INFORMATION
Mostof us live in statesthat don'thonor
same-sexunions,so yo~'IIneedto takeextra
stepsto protectyourselves.
TheNational
Centerfor LesbianRightshaslots of helpful
informationfor lesbiancouples.Checkout
theirwebsiteat nclrights.org.
April 2010
I 53
Alternative wedding rings
by designers who care.
By Aislinn Clevenger
You're in a committed relationship. You're
ready to tie the knot. Your partner wants a
flashy diamond ring. Or, maybe she doesn't.
Or, maybe she does, but she wants it to be
eco,friendly and conflict,free. One thing is
for sure: Your union is unique, so it's only
natural that you want your ring to be just
as singular. You could make the ultimate
commitment and tattoo your d,edicationonto your ring fingeryour partner's name, perhaps, or your wedding date or a custom
design. A tattooed symbol of your devotion would definitely last
'til death do you part. But, if tattoos aren't for you, there are still
some truly stunning alternatives to main,
stream rings. Here are a few innovative
designers makingjewelry that will express
your love and commitment to your gal
without defaulting on your devotion to
eco and social consciousness.
1.~cQed
~IJlbowg
Jude Sharp is a full,service jeweler: A
lesbian designer who uses recycled
gold, platinum, silver and palladium
and conflict,free diamonds. Sharp's
partner of 10 years, Sylvia Weaver, runs
their Lancaster business. With over 30 years of experience,
Sharp has a collection of pride,centered commitment rings
that feature rainbow channels and gemstone triangles, but
she offers a wide range of designs, from the traditional to
the unusual. And, of course, creating custom,designed rings
for lesbian couples is a part of her work that Sharp especially
enjoys. ($200 and up, jasharp.com)
2. <.A~
6M
u(ctw(Ml
A native oflsrael, New York City,based Udi Behr is a high,end
jewelry designer committed to promoting peace and equality
through his Love and Pride brand. As a commitment to his
support of the LGBT community, he donates 10 percent of all
his Love and Pride sales to Lambda Legal to support same,sex
marriage rights. Behr's selection is extensive, featuring every,
@
en
:::E
<{
thing from traditional bridal sets and solitaires, to titanium
rings with rainbow grooves, to rings that elegantly highlight
female and lesbian symbols. After all, Love and Pride is
'Jewelry that makes a fashion and social statement;' according
to Behr. Not only are his rings created to reflect your personal
style and beliefs, but they also use guaranteed conflict,free
diamonds. ($75 and up, loveandpride.com)
:l
~
c3
~
~
o6
~
~
~
t;j
Cl
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s.9,teettlJtg
tilegoddess
''I've been making jewelry smce I first took high school
classes in 1974;' says Oregon,based designer Miehe Meizner.
Largely self,taught, she began selling gay and lesbian
symbols, labryses and custom jewelry in 1976 at festivals
and women's bookstores. Her next venture, Sumiche Jewelry,
~
it
z
<{
5
g
I
(/)
3
1z
i
"~ stJr.ive
toC/leate
1ewe~y
thatenhances
a woman's
tllueandnab11taQ
beauty
whiQe
fte~ecting
thehnKmony
o~OUfteaftth
inbaQance."
- ~obycpomeftoy
with her then partner, Susan Onaclea, lasted 20 years. 'Tm
proud to say we were one of the first jewelers to begin using
100 percent sustainably mined gold and platinum in all our
work;' she explains. Today, Meizner continues the green
tradition at her new company, Shining Light Jewelry, using
100 percent recycled metals and conflict,free diamonds, and
sourcing fair,trade gemstones when possible. ($95 and up,
shininglightjewelry.com)
4. ~fow gjOUJt
9.ttultlOft
For distinctive rings that are centered on hand,picked healing
gems, turn to Chapel Hill, N.C.,based designer Nadine Zenobi.
A lesbian jeweler who has worked in the women's community
for 28 years, Zenobi honors the ability of stones to heal the
body, mind and spirit. "I really want to share my work with our
women's community, as it is very special in terms of power and
healing, and many women sense this;' she says.Creating intuitive
jewelry since 1982, Zenobi has studied with the renowned Hopi
silversmith Michael Kabotie, from whom she learned the rare
art of the shadow box technique (using multiple layers of metal
to create a hollow "box" form), which make her creations truly
one,ofo,kind. ($85 and up, skyriversjewelry.com)
7. 9le ~em 9\wug~
tiletfteoo
5. ~~ °"d<t?oody
Jewelers Jessica and BrentWilliams know the term "making
your mark:' ~ith their original taxe on custom jewelry, these
metalsmiths make engraving ancient history. Their hand,
crafted, individualized fingerprint rings include an impression
kit to capture your sweetie's prints and yours, whichare used
to cast wax molds to make perfectly personalized ~ sakes.
The rings can be made in a variety of designs and met:USand
are available in wedding sets. What a way to let her know at
she is one in a million. ($45 and up, fabuluster.etsy.com) ■
Additional
researchbyBrianaHernandez
andHeatherRobinson
"I want my work to be worn, no matter what;' says New York
City,based designer Sarah Perlis, "Hiking in the mountains,
riding the subway or dressing up:' For over 10 years, Perlis,
who trained at the Jewelry Arts Institute, has melted and
milled her own recycled gold to create pieces that are inspired
by their own organic raw materials, giving them a timeless
quality. Plus, her latest collection, In the Rough, uses respon,
sibly mined diamonds from Sierra Leone, and keeps the
stones in their rough, uncut form. These unique diamonds are
sourced from a company that reinvests in the community, pays
living wages to its unionized miners and rehabilitates the land.
($500 and up, sarahperlis.com)
If precious metals don't do it for you, take a look at Simply
Wood Rings. Educated at the Art Institute of Chicago,
designer Gustav Reyes crafts his rings from repurposed
wood and materials like antique furniture, salvaged lumber,
reclaimed diamonds-even the ivory from broken piano keys.
Reyes allows the defining characteristics of the materials he
uses to be the greatest strengrh of the work. Plus, according
to Reyes, "They are created in a way that allows the grain to
run around the ring 1 maintaining the structural integrity of
each piece of wood:' ($185 and up, simplywoodrings.com)
8. u.\~g
9'.tpt009ll>ll
6. ~fJlg a CBOlld
Growing up in the Himalayan foothills of India instilled
Toby Pomeroy with "a passion for the earth and the people in
it:' Now based out of Corvallis, Ore., Pomeroy was the first
jewelry designer to get the nation's largest gold refiner and
supplier, Hoover and Strong, to provide him with recycled
gold and silver. With over 30 years of experience, Pomeroy
says, "I strive to create jewelry that enhances a woman's true
:.:
and natural beauty while reflecting the harmony of our earth
(.)
~ in balance:' His rings, created using ancient forging tech,
~ niques, will last 2,000 years with proper care-now that's a
~ commitment. ($250 and up, tobypomeroy.com)
()
5
I
For20 moreweddingtipsfrom
the Curvettesvisit
REVIEWSMusic Watch
QueersWith Attitude
These West Coast bands bring it. By Margaret Coble
TheSea,CorrineBailey
Rae(CapitolRecords):
It doesn'tmatterif Raeis
straightor gayor bi,because
hermusic-especiallythis
newalbum-is sorawand
bruisedandanguished
there
arefewwomenalivewho
can'tfindsomething
onthe
CDthatresonates.
Bynow
you'veseenheron Ellenor
SNLandheardall aboutRae's
trajectory:
Breakout
No.1 hit,
Grammy
winner,husband
died
of overdose,
Raedisappeared
fromrecording
for twoyears.
Everybit of that painful
transitionseemsmolded
intothelyricshere,fromthe
sweeping
firstsingle,"I'd DoIt
AllAgain"to thehaunting"Are
YouHere."It's nosurprisethat
folksarealreadycallingthis
oneof 201O'sbestalbums.
TheSeais sosaturated
in
emotionthatit feelsa bit like
intrudingto listento a fewof
thetracks.Nodoubtthose
areamongherfinest.(capitol
records.com)
[DAM]
56
Icurve
Katastrophe, Shitting Glitter and Saucy Monky
don't really share a lot in common, musically, but
they all have fun names, are from California and are
definitely QW.A. (queers with attitude). Whether
it's jungle-infused hip-hop, quirky electro-pop or
melodic rock, these indie artists are throwin' down.
Well-produced, heartfelt and
TheWorstAmazing,
Katastrophe
(307Knox):"Wow" is
the first word that comes to mind to describe this
third full-length album from San Francisco trans
rapper Rocco Kayiatos, akaKatastrophe. I've followed
his career since his Out Music Award-winning debut,
Let's Fuck, Then Talk About My Problems, back in
2004, and this third set really shows the maturation
of his sound. From the easy-going opener, "Til It's
Gone;' to harder-hitting cuts like "Year of the Dog"
and "Get Info;' Kayiatos spits words eloquently and
fiercely atop fresh but heavy beats. Cuts like "Tunnel
Vision;' "Raindown," "Left, Right, Okay" and several
others utilize the skittering drums and booming
distorted bass of the jungle and drum & bass genres,
while cuts like the electro-leaning "Big Deal" add
some tongue-in-cheek humor to the rap industry
cliche of self-aggrandizement with the lilting refrain
'Tm kind of a big deal:' There's even a mellow
moment, courtesy of "Sigh;' in which Kayiatos' words ~
soar smoothly over an acoustic guitar loop with a soft
5
melodic vocal hook. Representin' for the hometown 6
~
queers, Katastrophe is the real deal. (katastropherap.com)~
smart rock is hard to come by
these days, especially from outlesbians, so don't miss this one.
a:
0
<I:
Open For Business,Shitting Glitter (Decadrisco):~
Despite an ever-revolving door of band members, 8
this queerific West Hollywood group has managed
to carry on, fleshing out their previously, mostly ~
iti
electronic grooves with more live instrumentation, c,
~
resulting in a fuller glam-pop-rock sound on this third ~
full length release. Don't worry, though, their "angst ~
!
meets kitsch" moniker still fits, with their
mix of outspoken politics, irony, and campy
humor, particularly evident on cuts like the
tongue~in-cheek "Socially Activist:' "Milk
Money" takes on bashers and bullies with
dark synth fl.are,"The Collection" celebrates
dressing up and doing drag with more of an
old school synth feel, and"19th & Lexington"
is an electro-pop vignette about drag king
drama and politics. You might have to read
the liner notes to really catch all the lyrics,
but it's worth it_..:._thisband is deliciously
subversive party fun. (shittingglitter.com)
BetweenTheBars,SaucyMonky(Olivoil):If
you've managed to catch the recent dyke
film And Then Came Lola (on DVD from
Wolfe in May), you might recognize the
melodic indie rock of Cynthia Catania
and Annmarie Cullen, the lesbian core of
Los Angeles-based Saucy Monky. Their
current five-cut release contains one of
those soundtrack songs, "No One's Here
Anymore;' an aggressive rock anthem
tempered with soaring vocal harmonies,
well-placed guitar solos, and head-banging
beats. "Listening To Morrissey" is a downer
of a ditty that will make you want a stiff
drink, while "The Acrobat" is another classic
rock anthem and ';\ll The Things Ya Know"
is so catchy you'll find yourself humming it
after just one listen. A brash cover of The
Carpenters' "Superstar" rounds out the EP.
Well-produced, heartfelt and smart rock is
hard to come by these days, especially from
out-lesbians, so don't miss this one. New
full-length coming soon. (saucymonky.com) ■
z
~a:
~
6
I
t)
z
<t
~
0
a:
~
Q.
Shimmer
ffi RealLifeIs NoCool Unexpected
Closer
co
Pieta
Brown
Lindstrom
&
Angie
Stone
Camp
Out
a
belle
(Red
House
Records)
(Stax)
(self-released)
~ Christa
::>
::5 (Smalltown
Thedaughterof
Channeling
thegrief
Watchout,Tegan
W Supersound/Feedelity)
Midwestern
folk
from
her
father's
and
Sara,
there's
a
~
heroGregBrown
suddendeath,soul
newcutefemaleduo
~ A feastfor electrooffersa newDon
makingwavesonthe
divaStonedeliversa
~ lovers'ears!This
seven
~ 10-trackcollectionof gorgeousandstirring indiepop-rockscene. Was-produced
songdiscof strippedSanFranciscans
~ "structuredchaos"
twelve-cutalbumof
UJ
downfolk-bluesand
variedR&Bandsoul.
MaddyHanksand
~ fromNorway's
disco
alt-country.
"I Know
JackieLawmake
~ maestro,
temperedby Fromthefunkytitle
upbeat,lo-fitunesthat A Girl"and"Hey
Q.sultryfemalevocals, track,to the MaryJ.
Blige-styled
defiance aresureto warmlittle Joey"standout,with
~ is a decadentmix
vocals,simple
~ -of retrovideogame
of "I Don'tCare,"to the gayheartseverywhere. haunting
acousticguitarbacking
hip-hop "CarCrash"is the
~ blipsandbleeps,early techno-tinged
highlighthere,withits andlyricsthatpierce
~ Chicago
house,Giorgio glitzof "TellMe"and
sing-songmelodies, yoursoul,sounding
the poignantodeto
~ Moroder-style
disco,
somewhere
between
herfather,"Think
distortedguitarsand
\2.andmoreabstract
Lucinda
Williamsand
sweetlovelyrics,but
Sometimes,"
Stone
~ Kraftwerk-meets-Grace
UJ
co Jonesfare.(myspace. keepsthe listener
LorettaLynn.Gritty,
thewholealbumis
0
a:
sad
andbeautiful.
solid.
(myspace.coml
guessing-and
it
a.. comllindstromanda..
(pietabrown.
com)
campoutmusic)
works.(angiestone.com)
~ christabelle)
...J
...J
...J
Q+A
Billie Myers
Billie Myers remains
best known for her
debut album, Growing
Pains, and its single
"Kiss the Rain;' which
was a smash hit in
1998. Myers is still
making music and this past September
brought her long-aw:nted third album,
Tea & Sympathy, which she released on
her own label, Fruit Loop Records.
Howdoesit feelto beback?
It feels great-and nerve-wracking. I
was blessed with "Kiss the Rain:' [But]
a lot of people who liked that song have
no idea where I am now. I feel like I'm
really back at the beginning. Starting
from zero. But it's almost worse than
zero because it's zero with this shadow
of a one-hit wonder.
I lovethefacf hatit'ssohardto define
you-sexually,racially,evenmusically.
I'm the "bi" on all of it! [Laughs] This
was my problem with dealing with my
sexuality. I have gone out with men and
I have gone out with women. I knew if I
said I was gay and then four men came
forward, I would be Anne Heche'd into
tomorrow. And I certainly wasn't ever
going to say I was straight because that's
simply not true. On the other hand,
you've got [the term] "bisexual;' which
is basically like telling someone you've
got fleas. I wish that the gay community would stop trying to divide within
itself. Only as a group-and you're still
a minority as a group-will you outfox
the majority.
Oneof myfavoritetracksonGrowing
Pains
is "LadyJane."Whatwastheinspiration?
Lady Jane is a transvestite on Santa
Monica [Boulevard]. When I was going
to the gym at 6:30 in the morning, he'd
still be at the 7-Eleven, earning his
money. We got talking a few times and
this kid had a really difficult life. He ran
away, he was abused, he thought he was
coming to Hollywood to be a model and
an actor. All of that did not happen ....
I wanted to express the dreams that
diminished. [DaveSteinfeld]
April 2010
I 57
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Tacklin
Nonfiction to engage the heart and the mind. By Rachel Pepper .
A young woman and her mother offer an intimate
look at a family with eating disorders, and a new
collection of essays on gender has its finger on the
pulse of this expansive and expanding topic.
Hungry:A MotherandDaughterFightAnorexia,Sheila
and Lisa Himmel(BerkleyTrade):True, this is not
a lesbian title, but the subject of eating disorders
Tattooed
Lady,AmeliaKlem
reaches across the boundaries of sexuality, race and
Osterud(SpeckPress):
ethnicity. Eating disorders affect many women,
Today,
Oscarwinnerslike
Angelina
Joliearefamous yet the topic of eating disorders, which includes
fortheirbodyink,and anorexia, bulimia,_food restricting and binging and
lesbiansupermodel
Jenny purging, are still a taboo topic in the LGBT community.
Shimizuis asrenowned
for
There are few LGBT-specific books on this topic,
hergirl-straddling-a-wrench with the exception of recent titles, Looking Queer:
tattooasherrockingbody. Body Image and Identity in Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay,
Butoncewomenwithtattoos
and Transgender Communities, and Gary A. Grahl's
werefreakshowmaterial.
Tattoohistorian
AmeliaKlem memoir, Skinny Boy: A Young Man's Battle and
Osterud
offersupafascinating Triumph Over Anorexia.
So, who can readers turn to to learn more about
lookat thedaringwomen
whocovered
theirbodiesin
this devastating topic:>Hungry is a recently published
inkandtraveledthecountry memoir written by a mother and daughter team.
performing
nearlynudeat a
And it's not just any mother and daughter-this pair
timewhenit wasconsidered
includes a mom who's an award-winning food critic,
scandalous
to evenshow
and a daughter who changes from an enthusiastic
anankle.Gutsybroadslike
IreneWoodward
andNora eating companion to a secretive, troubled teenager
Hildebrandt
captivated
circus suffering from both anorexia and bulimia. The
audiences
withtheirinked irony of their situation is obviously not lost on the
bodies.Circusproducers Himmels, a family for whom food is both a passion
sometimes
promoted
the
and a profession. They also happen to live in the
performers
withracistfantasy San Francisco area, where sustenance is celebrated
talesof theirabduction
and
and there are more restaurants per capita than
forcedtattooingin thehands
of "savages,"
whichmade almost anywhere else in the world. Lisa's eating
tattooingintoa culturally disorder developed slowly, starting with a predisacceptable
substitute
for rape. position to stockiness (despite being involved in
Osterud's
lovinghistorical many sports), and a childhood drenched in food
memoirpaystributeto these and low self-esteem. Lisa's mom, Sheila, is accepting
womenwithamazing
vintage and nurturing, but like all parents, imperfect, and
photosandtextthatcombines
the frankness with which she admits her own faults
theirpersonal
narratives
along
withpassages
onfeminist is refreshing.
As her parents begin to realize the extent to
laborhistory,circuslifeand
theimpactthesetattooed which the eating disorders have become entrenched
ladiesmadeonmodern in Lisa's life, the family dynamics implode. The dual
neo-burlesque
performers. voices in the book differ on some important points,
(speckpress.com)
[DAM] including the availability of junk food in the house,
the misread cries for help, even the way Lisa looked
as a young teenager-her
mother says she was
"never fat;' but Lisa insists she was. 'Tm not sure
58
Icurve
what I weighed, but it didn't matter because I felt
far:• So began many years of over-exercising, skipping
meals, restricting foods, bulimia and an obsession
that consumed about 90 percent of her thoughts on
any given day.
As the family stumbles towards recovery, the
book winds down with mother and daughter (Lisa
is now in her early 20s) expressing hope for the
future. There may still be a bumpy road ahead, but
the mere fact of Lisa's survival, and the revelation that
healing is possible, will provide comfort for many
families on the same path. (us.penguingroup.com)
DoingGender
Diversity:
Readings
in
TheoryandReal-World
Experience,
editorsRebecca
F.PlanteandLisM.
Maurer(Westview
Press):Gender
is a big topic to tackle. But if any
new book on the subject were to 0
find a place for itself in the queer ffi
ae..a:,, ......
academic canon, Doing Gender
Diversity surely would be it. For one thing, the book's ~
editors, Rebecca Plante and Lis Maurer, are up to ~
date on the topic. Plante, ;n associate professor at ~
:'.:j
Ithaca College, has written or edited several books on ~
sexuality, and Maurer is the founding coordinator ~
of the Center for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and §
Transgender Education, Outreach, and Services at 8
•LIIW.MM"•
!
...J
K
ed~nfantasys
Ithaca College. Both are adept at bridging the
academic divide and dealing with real,world
applications of scholarly issues.
In this text, the editors have ass~mbled
a collection of essays that they hope will
demonstrate "the multiple ways in which
the universe of gender is socially, cultur,
ally and historically constructed:' The
book is divided into three main sections"The Basics of Gender;' "The Microcosm
of Gender: Individuals in Context;' and
"The Macrocosm of Gender: Institutions,
Structures, and Politics"-and then broken
down into subcategories such as "Rattling
the Cage: Social Change;' and "Constructing
the Gendered . Body:' A sampling of the
plethora of essays with intriguing titles that
include "Intimate Transitions: Transgender
Practices of Partnering and Parenting;' "His
and Hers: Gender and Garage Sales;' "Part
of the Package: Ideas of Masculinity Among
Male,Identified Transpeople;' '"Dude, You're
a -Fag': Adolescent Masculinity and the
Fag Discourse;' "The Effects of Images of
African American Women in Hip Hop;'
TheApprenticeship TheVeilofSorrow
CrystalMichalletofBigToeP
RiekoMatsuura,
trans. Romero
Publishing)
byMichaelEmmerich {P.O.
(Kodansha
International)
Aneeriechateau,
Aftera friend'ssuicide, a womanwitha
WithworksbyAudre
pastand
KazumiManowakesup haunted
Larde,AliceWalker,
whoonlycome
froma napto discover servants
DaisyZamoraand
otherfeministliterary herbigtoehasturned outat night-these
gothictropesaddto
leaders,
thiscollection intoa penis.After
joininga showfeaturing thechillingatmosphere
of poems,short
sexualabnormalities, in thisnovel.The
storiesandmemoirs
lesbianheroine,
Cecilia
feelingsbeginto stir
eloquently
explores
Natashia
Dupuin,is
siblinglove,adoration insideKazumi-and
summoned
to the
herbigtoe-that
andrivalry.Readit
chateauto transcribe
sheneverknew
withyoursisterand
a memoirfor the
existed.
Evenwitha
thetwoof youwill be
mysterious
Comtesse
thatmight
practicingyoursecret premise
Laurensa.
Intelling
seemperverse,
this
language
againand
novelis a surprisingly herstory,theelderly
arguingaboutthat
meditation womanrevealsa
shirtsheborrowed
and mainstream
secret.
onloveandfriendship. supernatural
neverreturned.
Ah,
(pdpublishing.
com)
com)
sisters!(parispress.org)(kodansha-intl.
[LisaGunther]
[Stephanie
Vernier]
[SarahC.Jimenez]
Strategies
for
Sisters:
AnAnthology
Successful
Ed.JanFreeman,
EmilyWojcikand
CareerChange
Bull
MarthaE.Mangelsdorf Deborah
(TenSpeedPress)
{ParisPress)
Mangelsdorf's
book
couldn'thavecome
at a bettertime,with
recordunemployment
affectingwomen
acrossthecountry.This
seasoned
business
journalistofferstips
onhowto change
yourcareerwhilestill
payingyourbillsand
howto explorenew
careersin low-risk
ways.Anengaging
readfor thosewho
haven'tyetaligned
theirprofessional
goals
withtheirpersonal
life.
(tenspeed.com)
[DAM]
and "The Death of David Reimer: A
Tale of Sex, Science, and Abuse:' Other
topics covered in the text are "ethnic
anorexia;' cheerleading, drag queens, the
"pregnant man" and the many intersections
of race, gender and culture that occur in
diverse communities. There is a generous
amount of material for and about the trans,
gender community, and many voices of people
of color.
Although this book is formatted like a
textbook, and its use will primarily be in
classrooms, it's also a current snapshot of
where the field of gender studies is these
days. As such, some snapshots are too closely
cropped, others are a bit blurry and still others
are satisfyingly finely focused.Even at more
than 500 pages, this collection still cannot
adequately cover every topic that fit under
the category of gender studies and diversity.
But kudos definitely are due to Maurer and
Plante for reaching broadly across the gender
spectrum and presenting as wide a range of
perspectives as possible, for both the academic
and causal reader alike. (perseusbooks.com)■
II DiscoverSex ~ll~
r;~f-
~~
t
~~{.
FunShopping
with Friends
•1/ •.Reviews: real opinions
_:(__
X
from real people
,,,,
Connect to toy
~JIil makers: Edenlink
Sexis magazine:
discover your own is
A!!J Speak up:
J11 forums and polls
Fun to follow:
EdenCafe blog
Get personal:
interviews
www.edenfantasys.com
(800) 350-9050 Mon-Fr 8 am-4 pm ET
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
Comin
Into Communit
Two films about finding your people. By Candace Moore
Jennifer's
Body(2oth
CenturyFox):Directedby
KarynKusama
(Gir/figh~,
writtenbyAcademy
Award
winnerDiabloCodyand
starringoutbisexualMegan
FoxandBigLovehottie
AmandaSeyfried,
Jennifer's
Bodyis botha spookylittle
flick anda celebration
of
femalecreativity.
Aftera tragic
run-inwitha diabolicalboy
band,theschoolbombshell,
Jennifer(Fox),is possessed
bya boy-eating
demonand
herBFF,Needy(Seyfried),
is leftto bringanendto the
monstrous
meangirl'sreign
of terror.Jennifer'sBodyhas
inevitably
drawncomparisons
to otherfemale-centric
horror
filmslikeHeathers
andGinger
Snaps,andrightfullyso.All
thesegenrefilms,unique
for theirfemalePOV,
delve
intoa similartheme-the
treasureandtreacheryof
teenagefemalefriendships.
AndBodydoessoparticularly
well,exploringNeedy's
adoration
of Jenniferandits
Sapphicunderpinnings-a
toxicfriendshipmanya baby
dykewill beableto identify
with.Jennifer'sBodyis an
underappreciated
gem-and
notjust because
Foxshows
up in an EvilDeadT-shirt
and
Wonder
Womanundiesswoon.(foxmovies.
com)
[Rachel
Shatto]
60
I curve
A new saucy comedy about a group oflesbians playing
the field in Madrid and a coming of age film about a
boyish girl who learns to depend on her friends both
emphasize the pleasures of finding your pack.
GirlSeeksGirl{ChicaBuscaChica){Wolfe):
Originally
produced for distribution in Spain, where Girl Seeks
Girl garnered an avid Internet following, this quirky
Spanish lesbian serial is now offering its tongue-incheek answer to The L Word stateside, repackaged as
a feature-length comedy. The soap-turned-film tips
its hat to The L Word in obvious ways-the featured
constellation of Madrid dykes (with one soft butch
exception) are twenty- to thirtysomething femmes,
who congregate in their local lesbian bar to gossip,
flirt and seduce pick-ups in the ladies room. Bartender
Nines (Celia Freijeiro, of Spanish TV stardom), the
Shane stand-in, charmi~gly plays up her role as a
cocky lothario, driving her latest conquest, Monica
(Cristina Pons), to fawning nuttiness, while casting her
sights on Monica's coy, straight roommate (Sandra
Collantes), named-of all names-Carmen.
When
Carmen catches her fiancee with another woman on
the day she is set to move in, she starts taking Nines'
flirtation more seriously. Meanwhile, Monica's new
roommate (Almudena Gallego), a bubbly character
named Ana, requires lots of pointers in lesbian bar
and sex etiquette. Ribald, exaggerated, amusing-Girl
Seeks Girl is quick, campy fun. (wolfereleasing.com)
NightFliers{TigerMothPictures
andLastLookFilms):
A
slow, nostalgic take on life as a queer pubescent-Sara
St. Martin Lynne's film revolves around a 12-yearold's struggles to maintain her self-worth in the face of
constant teasing about her masculine appearance and
interest in bugs. Nearly everyone around Jesse (Sasha
Harrison) seems ready to condemn her to freakdom:
the obnoxious girl who throws scented maxi pads in
front of her in the cafeteria, the new teenage stepsister
who's grossed out at her pet caterpillars in the fridge
and, especially, her disappointed dad who glumly tries
to force her to get a haircut (she trims it into a boyish
shag). Luckily she finds a few co-conspirators-in
her beloved bugs (she prefers moths to butterflies),
who are forming a chrysalis she can relate to, and in
an open-minded homeroom teacher who encourages
her to shake off the mean things her peers say.Jesse
also takes refuge in three best friends who seem
similarly headed toward an early appreciation of
post-punk tunes and queer crushes. This comingof-age film's stirring soundtrack and intimate visual
portrait of life in a rural town ably back Harrison's
moody rendering of a kid still deciding between
genders. (night.fliers.com) ■
~
g
en
ffi
u..
~
w
2
ii:
g
ffi
~
8
ugar
In this time-bending,sexy, lesbian romp - with
an irreverent nod to the popular a'rt-house
classic URun,Lola, Run·- a talented, but
distracted photographer, Lola, (Ashleigh
Sumner)on the verge of successin both love
andwork, could lose it all if she doesn'tmakeit
to a crucial meetingontime. But,as usual,Lola
is late. With her job and girlfriend Casey(Jill
Bennett)onthe line,she hasthree chancesto
makeit right. In a desperaterace throughthe
streetsand backroomsof SanFrancisco,time
growsshort- will Lolamakeit?Will shecome
at all?
Her Big League continued from page 29
tours women's festivals,
ride celebratl
lGBTfllm f
enture
I
Love in NOLA continued from page 43
You'vedonea lot of voiceworkin the last10
years.Whatdrivesyouto dothat?
It's actually an extension of being an actor.
Getting the opportunity to do it was sort of
a fluke because I had a friend named Mark
DeCarlo. He does the [The Travel Channel's
Taste of America with Mario DeCarlo]. He
and I are pals from Second City days. He
and I are just best buds. Anyway, he had
an audition for Jimmy Neutron and he called
me and said, "we can audition together if
you want to audition:• We went in for the
mom and dad ... and they loved our chem~
istry and they hired us as a team. So that's
how I kind of got into it. And then from
there, I started working at Nickelodeon
doing Jimmy Neutron. We did the movie,
which was Academy Award nominated.
And then we did the series, and from that,
other things have come.
Doyouhavea favoriteanimated
character
that
you'veplayed?
MontgomeryCounty,Maryland,that has
I love them all. I love Hillary, the mom of second-parentadoptionwherebothhaveequal
Bessy Hagenbottom, because she's a San rightsto the child,"saysPritchard."Because
right now if we split up,onewill havemore
Francisco single mom and she's got dreads
rights,becausethat's technicallytheir child,
and she drives a Harley and she's a great on paper."
character. It's the first time I've ever used
Financialissuesof tax credits,tax laws
my normal voice for a character. In fact, the and insurancecameinto play,andthey wrote
more tired I am, the more they like it. They up wills. "It's the onething that protectsus,"
like the roughness.
says Pritchard."Whatwould happento Jude
So howdo youthinkbeinga lesbianaffects if somethinghappenedto us and we didn't
howyou'reperceived
bycastingdirectors
and havethosethings in place?They'dput him in
filmmakers
andaudiences?
foster care."
I don't think about it. Maybe it does [matter]
Sowhendo theythink thingswill change?
from their point of view, I just don't think "It's just like anycivil rightsin the South,"says
about it. I don't know if the casting directors Rooney."I think it will be in our lifetime.But it
maybe 15,20 yearsfrom now.It's comea long
are looking at me in that way, [thinking] oh
, way.Fifteenyearsago,whenwe got together
she's gay or whatever.
we thoughttherewas no way it was goingto
Areyoua Hollywood
outsider
oraninsider?
happen.Especiallyin the south."
I used to be more of an insider but I think
Though
raisingtheirsonwouldbeeasier
I'm more of an outsider now. I live in San elsewhere,
Rooney
andPritchard
havea deepFrancisco, so I really sort of removed myself rootedloveforthecityandtheacceptance
from the whole LA scene. I love my life. I go they'vefoundthere."We'veneverhadany
to the events that I have to go to to promote
questions
aboutourrelationship,
aboutJude,"
things, that I want people to know about. But saysPritchard.
"Cityworkersin NewOrleans
I don't live my life according to their rules at havesame-sex
benefits,
butnotanywhere
else
all-at all.
in thestate.Thecityis a little pocketinsideof
You're
in yourlate40s.Where
doyouwanttogo? Louisiana.Whichis why we are here."
You know, I'd love to do some drama. I've
Theyenjoyraisingtheir sonas a New
Orleanian."It's beenmiraculousto seehim
done comedy my whole life. Don't get
develop,"saysPritchard."I think it's the
me wrong, I love it. But I'm looking for peoplehe's around.Peopletell us this, and
challenges, as an artist. So much of the stuff it's a compliment,that he's a productof his
that I've done I feel like I've skated through
environment.He'sa creationof all thesepeople
and I would love something that would be that are in his li°fe.Hehasan amazingsupport
challenging for me. ■
systemandlots of love... it's not possibleto
havemorelovethan he has."[ZoieClift]
Love Is a ManyGenderedThing continuedfrom page 49
I guess I'm just queer. I felt like I was being
forced to let go of a community that I am very
much.a part of:'
Today Roberts is "taking the changes as
they come and learning to re-love the new
pieces ofJess."At least the heartbreak I felt has
subsided and I can now feel curious and, dare
I say,excited about the changes that are still to
come,"she says.
1he _Butch
to BoyExperience
While a lesbian non-trans partner can miss
being identified as·queer, being "read" as queer
can be devastating. This is not true for all trans
people: Women like Stryker who identify as
lesbian or others who prefer genderqueer,
androgynous or other sex and gender-diverse
terms. But many trans people, especially men
who were once lesbian identified, want to
"pass" as the gender they have transitioned to.
These men may still date lesbians, but they
don't want to be perceived as one. For lesbians,
that begs the question: if you are attracted to
a person and you're not sure if they're trans,
should you ask them?
"I would say yes. A relationship must be
founded in honesty;' says Zander. "But you
should never ask a person this simply from
curiosity:' Zander suggests telling the person
that you are interested in them and ask if
they're OK with you asking if they are trans.
Questions are endimic to transition and
one that people often ask is whether sex is
any different. From my personal experience
make your Africandreamscometrue.
Cont.Ht
11,tn
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with Tracie, the answer is no. Fingers, tongues,
lube and toys are put to good use, the same
as with any female lover. For some dykes, a
preoperative trans partner (a woman with male
genitalia) may·pose issues, but these are things
to be worked out together, just as you would
with any partner with physical differences.
"We had good sex before and after Susan's
operation;' says Klausner. ''When we were
talking about the possibility of having sex, I
have to confess that I was a bit taken aback
when she told me that she still had a penis. I
guess I just assumed she didn't. But it didn't
matter much to me one way or another:'
From Stryker's perspective, having a.partner
who is eager to find out what feels good and
who is open to pleasuring her back is most
important. "I think everybody has a different
sense of their own body, that all bodies are
different from one another, and that pre- and
post-op differencesjust fall somewhere in the
general range of how bodies can be different,
how they are unique," she says. "I don't think
it adds some special burden-we should all,
always, be attentive to each other and practice
open, honest, effectivecommunication:'
It's true, though, that sex can change within
an already existing relationship once a partner
starts to transition.Transition usually involves
the person taking estrogen or testosterone.
This results in physical changes as well as an
increase or decrease in libido.
"Pre-transition, I was a very sexual being,"
says Diaz. "With the testosterone, it amped
up about 60 to 70 percent. It is very different
in that sex is always in the front of my mind.
It's more physiological. Because of T [testosterone], my clitoris has grown into a small
penis. I am aware of it constantly. I know that
I am much faster to get to the actual physical
act than I used to be. I used to pride myself
on being a relaxed lover. I wanted to take my
time ... Now I am way more focused on the
orgasm. Sometimes it feels like I am a teenager
again and experiencing sex for the first timeevery time:'
As with any partner, discussions around
what parts are OK or not OK to touch are
essential. For Jess, there are no parts that are off
limits for his wife,Tina.'Just because it isn't the
body I feel I should have, it doesn't mean that
I can't at least experience pleasure;' he says.''All
I ask of her is that she not feminize me. There
are ways that my current body and parts can be
touched that still make me feel masculine'
At the end of the day, we are human beings,
regardless of our sex or gender identity, and in
any relationship there are challenges. Where
one partner is trans, there can be additional
barriers, but, as these couples have discovered,
and I can attest to from personal experience,
out of all the soul-searching and analyzing
can come a closer bond and a deeper understanding of each other. There's a simplicity to
that, says Matson: "She hears what I say, we
waste no time discussing our relationship and
we never quarrel," she asserts. "Of course, we
talk a lot about everything, but only to get to
know each other better, to bond. We simply
are here, now and together:' ■
Fertility and life is the rose. the sublime blossom.
the womb from which all enter the world.
Embrace your magnificent feminine self.
Enjoy family.
Enjoy life.
www. feminineprtnciples.~om
April 2010 j 63
TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
...
Jasper James
Why this musician has us singing her praises.
By Catherine Plato
1. She can do almostany musicalthing purple, with everything in between:·
imaginable.Besides having sung opera,
gospel and hip-hop, James has played an array 6. Herlife is literallylike a movie-a really
of instruments. "I spent the early part of my hot movie."John Cameron Mitchell based
childhood trying out different instrumentsShortbusloosely on the artist collective I lived
drums, percussion, piano, guitar and bass. But
throughout high school I spent most of my
time honing my skills on the sax:•These days,
though, she sticks mostly to the guitar.
2. She's all about DIV.James made the
video for her song "Rocket" ( check it out
on jasperjamesmusic.com) with about $10
and a little help from her friends. "I basically
went to all of my talented friends and said,
'Hey, you want to make some art?' Lucky for
me, they were all in the mood. It was tough,
but really showed what a little creativity can
do. The music business is changing, and there
is finally room for those of us who were once
priced out of it to do what we do best and get
our stuff out there. That realization made it
such an exciting experience:'
I first met Jasper James in
2006, at a private party in South
Lake Tahoe, Calif. My friends
told me James had composed
the theme song for the John
Cameron Mitchell film Shortbus
and was well on her way to
3. Andshe'salwaysbeenthatway."I wrote
becoming "a really big deal."
my first full-length song when I was in high
It wasn't until I heard her play
school;' says James. "I was beside myself at
that weekend that I really got
how great it felt to make something:•
it-James is a brilliant songwriter, a dynamic performer and 4. She'sfluid.James has a complex undergenerally the kind of person
standing of gender, and in past she has
who makes every woman in
avoided using any gender pronouns whatthe room fall in love. Four years soever. More recently though, she told me, "I
am biologically female and comfortable with
later, with a solo album under
that, though I do not subscribe to traditional
her belt {titled Vibrator} and
gend~r
presentation. Pronouns, or how
video airplay on MTV and Logo,
someone refers to me, is less important than
she has indeed become a really
how a person treats me as a human being:'
big deal. Here are a few of the
many reasons she continues to 5. She's not hung up on labels.Though
capture our hearts and captivate. James tends to get a lot of attention from the
our ears.
LGBT press, she says that she tries to reach
I
Makeup: Kate Woods, Melvin Willis
Styling: Jet Olivia, Camille DeGrocco
Clothing: Thom Markee, boicrazy
64
I curve
out to everyone. "Most of my fans know I
am different, but I appeal to a wide range of
people nonetheless;• she says. "My fans are
gay, straight, male, female, black, white and
in at the time [in the DUMBO a.k.a. Down
Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass
neighborhood of Brooklyn];' James says.
"He wanted to establish that it was a real
part of New York subculture, that it did
exist and that it was glorious and should be
celebrated:'
7. She has a strongsenseof community.
With one foot firmly planted in New York
and the other occasionally dipped in the
waters of San Francisco Bay (she began
writing Vibrator in the Bay Area), James
describes herself as bicoastal, part of a
community united more by spirit than
geography. "My community is made up
of all the freaks, the fabulous, the colorful
ones, the people who make every moment
a spectacle worth believing in;' she says. "I
appreciate the place they are holding in the
world and I know that wherever I am, I can
find my home with them:'
8. She'son her way to icon status.This
past year, James won an Out Music Award
for OUTstanding Hip-Hop and had her
video for "Rocket" broadcast on Logo. Her
song "It's On'' was featured in a commercial
for the NBA and Kia Motors. In New York,
she's opened shows for both Debbie Harry
and Peaches.
9. She'staken.Let's be honest, isn't someone
always hotter when they're unavailable?"! am
in a very loving and mature relationship with
a fabulous film producer;' says James. "Lucky
for me, she enjoys having fun as much as I dJ
~
do:• We're jealous.
~
z
10. Um,haveyouseenher picture?I'm just
~
~
sayin: ■
~
...J
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APRIL 2010 VOLUME 20#3
BRI06ESTORE
Sure, it's just a tire.
Like the Golden Gate is just a bridge.
Fordriverswho want to get themostout of theircars,
IT'SBRIDGESTONE
ORNOTHING.
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Lori Petty's Confession Bitch Slap's LesbosploitationStars
Budget
Weddi
TiP,
Features APRIL2010
26
Lesbosploitation?
Maybe. Hot?
Definitely!
Keeping up with the Cavanaghs
From A League of TheirOwn to Exes and Ohs,
Megan Cavanagh is living the American dream.
By DianeAnderson-Minshall
30
Lori Petty's Confessions
The TankGirl icon moves from action hero to
real life star. By Melany Walters-Beck
32
Lesbosploitation Theater!
Girl gangs, prison love and chicks with guns.
Oh my! A look at Bitch Slap, Stuck! and Hell on
Wheels.By RachelShatto and Kat Long
36'
Rugrat Roadtrip Across the U.S.
Family fun in the Sunshine State, a rainbowfriendly roadtrip. Plus, California adventures
for the whole brood.
51
23 Budget Wedding Tips
Say "I do" on a dime. Plus lesbian jewelers
offer up the perfect ring.
42
TheNewAmericanFamily
Activism in their Blood
Jenni Olson and Julie Dorf on raising a
family and fighting the good fight.
By Jaime Wetherbe.
44
46
R-Rated Parenting
Lesbian erotic producers Jackie Strano
and Shar Rednour on life in balance.
Plus, their sex tips for moms. By Lori Selke
Stuck in the Middle
Stories about lesbian parents raising kids
far from the liberal coasts. By Jenny Lovell
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48
50
Love is a Many Gendered Thing
Couples talk about finding love and overcoming challenges. By Katrina Fox
Three Times a Family
The story of one lesbian couple, two young
parents and three babies. By Katrina Fox
I-
Lori Petty
gets real
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Departments APRIL2010
Mary Daly took on the
church in our honor
A Pro-gay McCain?
6
8
9
10
16
17
18
20
21
64
IN EVERY ISSUE
Frankly Speaking
13
Letters
Contributors •
19
from the chick who gave us the tongue stud.
AstroGrrl
Open Studio
Out in Front
Lipstick & Dipstick
I Tried It
Health Advice: Keep it clean: Piercing tips
22
Dyke Drama
What would you give up to get grooving?
Celebrity Gossip
More messy Tila, Marilyn Manson's ex
gets her lez on, and is Aubrey O'0ay
Samantha Ronson's new squeeze?
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Politics
Sexual discrimination across the globe.
CIT
(/)
-
.
Music: Movin' to the beats of rapper
Katastrophe and melodic Saucy Monky.
Plus, a one-on-one with Billie Myers.
14
~
(/)
-
Top Ten Reasons We Love...
Remembering theologian Mary Daly,
Cindy McCain's pro-gay campaign and
Houston's got a new lesbian mayor.
~
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Scene
Curvatures
w
3
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24
56
12
. fli
58
Books: A mother and daughter memoir,
a new gender studies text and a look at
the tattoed women of yore.
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Film: Sexy Spanish lezzie series Chica
Busca Chica, a film about a gay girl and
her insect friends. Plus, you'll love
Jennifer's Body.
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curve
It spent centuries on display in museums, while its subjects sat in a closet.
A TOLERANT WORLD IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. But we're getting there. At Progressive,we/
believe in respecting all people and finding beauty in their differences. It's just one way we live
up to our name. To learn more about our Works in Progressinitiative, visit progressive.com/lgbt.
Progressive Casualty Ins. Co. and its affiliates, Mayfield Village, OH.
PROGR£JJ/V£•
FRANKLY
SPEAKING
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
APRIL 2010
I
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 20 NUMBER 3
Publisher and Founder Frances Stevens
EDITORJAL
Editor in Chief Diane Anderson-Minshall
Managing Editor Kristin A. Smith
Associate Editor Rachel Beebe
Assistant Editor Rachel Shatto
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Music Review Editor Margaret Coble
Contributing Editors Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
EditorialAssistants Lisa Gunther, Sarah C. Jimenez, Stephanie Vernier
Bad Girlsand AmericanPie
In recent issues, we've run a poll on our letters page, asking you which of
two different cover options you prefer. Last month we reported the results
on two covers: Lea DeLaria vs. heiress Courtenay Semel. We loved the
heated responses we got so much, that we're taking it to a new level: we
are giving you two full-sized covers to pick from. Both covers focus on
special sections from within this issue: Lesbosploitation features interviews
with the actors of Bitch Slap,while our second cover, heralding the New
American Family, featured our first-ever cover with actor Megan Cavanagh.
Luckily, the definition of family continues to evolve beyond how anti-gay
groups see it. Today, there are all types of families and we're recognizing a
few of our community's family heroes, including Cavanagh, who first won
our hearts in 1992 as Marla Hooch, the hard-hitting second baseman, in
A League of Their Own. Since then, she's gone on to star on the big screen,
small screen, theater and the world of animation, most recently playing
Chris in the lesbian TV show, Exes and Ohs.
But, no role is more important to Cavanagh than that of partner and
mother. (And, if her son Brendan is any proo£ there's plenty of hope for the
next generation.) We have more families-some with kids, some withouttalking about creating families ( through birth, marriage or seduction in a
naughty toy store) that you won't want to skip.
On the flipside of our New American Family cover are the women of
Lesbosploitation Cinema, a cheeky genre of films that offers up girl gangs,
women-in-prison and fierce kick-ass chicks. Cover girls Erin Cummings,
America Olivo and Julie Voth, stars of the movie BitchSlap,are brimming
with hot Sapphic action. Hmm, hot married comic actors and sexy Sapphic
sexploitation:' Now you see why picking a cover is hard.
So it's your turn to vote on the winning cover. Go to curvemag.com and
tell us which cover you prefer and why. We'll let you know who the winner
was in an upcoming issue.
PUBLISHING
Director of Operations Flo Enriquez
Senior Advertising Executive Diana L Berry
Advertising Sales Rivendell Media
Advertising Intern Alvin Tam
Marketing Assistant Rose Tachis
ART
/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Photo Editor Hayley McMillen
Production Manager Ondine Kilker
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
Web Producer Nikki Woelk
Photo Assistant Brenda Armendariz
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Jamie Anderson, Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Bree
Clarke, Jennifer Corday, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Beren deMotier,
Ainsley Drew, Michele Fisher, Lauren Marie Fleming, Katrina Fox,
Tania Hammidi, Kathi lsserman, Gillian Kendall, Kate Lacey, Sheela
Lambert, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Ariel Messman-Rucker, Candace Moore, Alison Peters, Catherine
Plato, Aimsel L. Ponti, Heather Robinson, Laurie K. Schenden, Lori
Selke, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Robin Miner-Swartz, Yana TallonHicks, Kyra Thomson, Jocelyn Voo, Melany Walters-Beck
CONTRIBUTING
11.UJSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Paul Michael Aguilar, Erica Beckman, Brie Childers, Meagan
Cignoli, Cheryl Craig, JD Disalvatore, Tony Donaldson, Sophia
Hantzes, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van
Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••·•·•·••······························ ........................................ .
1550 Bryant Street, Suite 510
San Francisco, CA 94103
Phone (415) 863-6538 Fax (415) 863-1609
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Volume20 Issue 3 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Outspoken Enterprises, Inc., 1550 Bryant St.,
Ste. 510, San Francisco, CA 94103. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian
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mailing offices (USPS0010·355). Contents of Curve Magazinemay not be reproduced in any
manner,either whole or in part, without written pennissionfrom the publisher. Publication of
the name or photograph of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in
Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual orientation of that individualor ~
unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and
artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient
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urvemag.com
•
L Word Star Elizabeth Keener
Most people know Elizabeth Keener from her turn as rival club
owner (and lover of Cindy) Dawn Denbo on The L Word. Suzanne
Westenhoefer sits down with Keener to get the skinny on her new
projects, going toe-to-toe with Shane and what she and Clementine
Ford still do over the phone.
•
Gay Gotham Digs
Business partners and real-life couple Marie-Claire Martineu
and Elaine Comerford's talk about how their company, Maison
International, helps people find a home away from home in New
York City.
How to Tie the Knot Without Breaking the Bank
This month we are bursting at the seams with wedding tips and
goodies. Check out curvemag.com for even more Curvette tips,
alternative ring ideas and online resources to help you make your
special day a success. Plus, a budget wedding cake!
Hearts for Madalene
Every Monday, artist Page Hodel created a heart for
partner, Madalene, to discover. Sadly, a year after the
pair met, Madalene passed away from ovarian cancer,
but Hodel continued to create the hearts in her honor.
The result was the stunning book Monday Hearts for Madalene.
Read our interview with Hodel.
Hot Hotels and Traveling With Your Pets
From San Diego, New York City and Seattle to the Caribbean,
we've got the scoop on some fabulous accommodations in
places you'll be happy to rest your weary head. Plus, learn
how to travel with Fido without drama.
Curve Magazine Pride
Parade Float Design Contest
Would you like to help create a design for curve's 2010
San Francisco Pride Parade float entry? This year marks
curve's 20th anniversary and we're celebrating all year
long ... including entering an amazing float into the San
Francisco Pride Parade!
The 2010 San Francisco Pride Parade's theme is
"Forty and Fabulous" and entries should focus around
the celebration of curve turning 20!
Prizes: The winning designer(s), as chosen by the curve magazine
staff, will receive recognition in curve (on curvemag.com), four (4)
grandstand tickets and four (4) VIP reception tickets to the 2010
San Francisco LGBT Pride Parade.
Design ideas with a simple sketch must be received by 1 :00 p.m.
on Monday, April 26, 2010. Please send to 1550 Bryant Street, Suite
510. See curvemag.com for full contest rules.
April 201017
LETTERS
sank and jaw dropped when
idea shouldn't go overlooked
I saw no mention of who I
by anyone. - michelle08,via
consider the queen of rock:
curvemag.com
Are you planning to
Melissa Etheridge! How
• get hitched?
could you leave her out? Did
Chappell will lead the way for
you miss her two Live and
a new avenue of great storytellI wish.I'm.stillwaitAlone tours, where she held
ing
... without the censorship.
ingfor Ms.Right
audiences of thousands in
- marisangiovanni,via curveMaybe.I'm considthe palm of her hand with
mag.com
eringpoppingthe
that soul-filling 12-string? •
question
What about her jam sessions
Buggin' Out
Yes.Thedate
with her lead guitarist Philip?
Crickets?
scorpions? Worms?
is set
She's one of the few people,
Gross. Writer Mary McGrath
Alreadylivin'in
much less women, left today
is courageous for trying these
weddedbliss
who can rock a 12-string
bug-licious epicurean treats
0/ No.Marriage
to its full potential. Not to
[Vol. 20 #1). Who knew
lO just isn'tfor me
mention her music plays as
coming out of the closet really
the soundtrack to so many of
means that you no longer have
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
our lives. She will always be
to hide yourself as a bug eater~
No. 1 in my heart and on my iPod! - Lauren It's a brave new world. - IngridHart, Rancho
Poll
38%
27%
12%
12%
11
Loving Lucky in Love
I thoroughly enjoyed the story "Luck Be A
Lady" about Jill Bennett and Cathy DeBuono
by Rachel Shatto [Vol. 20 #l). I praise
DeBuono for her statements about tolerance
versus acceptance. I totally agree that we, as
the gay community, have been too quiet, too
polite and it's time to step it up. Praise also
goes to the couple's activism and passion. If we
are to see equality in our lifetime, we need to
stop complaining and get up an_ddo something
about it. Procrastination doesn't get us our
freedom. It's time to unite and watch our flag
ascend! - Amanda Kinder, Talco,Texas
Playing Into Her Hands
I am just now reading my copy of curve and I
see a tiny picture of playing cards with pictures
of your two cover girls [Table of Contents, Vol.
20 #1). It made me think, why hasn't someone
suggested making a deck of cards with 52 of
your best past covers on the back? What great
Christmas gifts for us poker playing lesbians.
I would buy a dozen just to give them to my
friends who only play solitaire. What a cool
deck of cards that would be! The only drawback I can see would be choosing the best 52
covers. - Cheryl Ruppert,Jacksonville,Fla.
T. Cox,FortSmith,Ariz.
WriterJamieAnderson
responds:
I love me
some Melissa as much as the next lesbian.
Her performancesare blow-your-hair-back
amazing, but any intermediateguitar player
can crank out "Bring Me Some Water." Too
bad she can't shred like Allison Robertson or
play Bach like Sharon Isbin.
Cordova,Calif.
Behind the Scenes
Overjoyed with Otalia
I just love that curve is writing about "our
girls'' Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia [curvemag.com and Film Q&A, Vol. 20 #2)! We
were thrilled with their support of the LGBT
community on GuidingLight and so look forward to following them on their web series,
Venice.We realize they are different characters
and it's not Otalia 2.0, but I just love the idea
of a web series showing LGBT characters.
Now if we can get our 'Jelly Bean'' to make an
appearance in season two! - Raahchestergal,
via curvemag.com
Venice is a gift that keeps on giving. I love
the show and, most importantly, the motivation for it. These people are amazing and this
Megan Cavanagh,her partner,
Anne, and son, Brendan,represent
the new Americanfamily.But no
Americanfamily scene is complete
withoutapple pie, so photographer
CherylMazak {frontcenter)brought
one to this month'sbonuscover
shoot.Curve's photo editor,
Hayley McMillan {back right),says
Cavanaghhad everyonecracking
up with "Y'allwant some pie?" in a
sweet Southernaccent. They had
so muchfun the shoot couldn'tbe
containedby the studiowalls and
spilledout onto the streetsof San
Francisco'sCastroDistrict.
Editor'sNote:Great idea, Cheryl!Maybe we'll
use this to commemorateour 20th Anniversary.
Girls With Guitars
I was quite excited when I saw the "20 Greatest
Female Guitarists" [Vol. 20 #l) feature. I am a
huge fan of great, musical women. But my heart
s Icurve
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CONTRIBUTORS
"When I was 16 and watching Dynasty, I wanted Joan Collins to
be my girlfriend;' reveals contributing writer KatrinaFox,who wrote
"Love Is a Many Gendered Thing" on page 48. ''I've always been a
sucker for an older, camp, self-assured, glamorous woman, and
I got that in spades when I met my partner, Tracie, in 1991. Add
•..
compassion, intelligence and an appreciation of disco tunes into the
mix and I knew I'd found my soul mate. When I learned she was
.,
1
a trans woman, it only made her more fabulous:' That first fateful
meeting led Fox on a 19-year journey of discovery into the lives of sex
and gender diversity, a topic she's written about extensively for both queer and mainstream
media. She's the editor of three books on the topic, including Trans Peoplein Love (routledge.com)
and is the editor-in-chief of TheScavenger, an online magazine.
·~·.(···
'-"
While our
associate editor
Rachel Beebe has
been gestating a
baby bump, we've
all been birthing
some plans of
our own: for our
20th anniversary
"I had an amazing time at curve and learned a lot both about
myself and the magazine industry;' says former photo assistant
Brenda
Armendariz,
who shot the "Hot Tee of the Month" on page 12.
Armendariz is currently a photography student at San Francisco's
Academy of Art University. "To me photography is just a single, twodimensional image, and, while it really only engages one of the five
senses, it can do amazing things;' says Armendariz. "Photography
can tell a story or evoke a whole range of emotions:'
gala, our first
curve
awards and, finally,our
announcementof the resultsof
our unprecedented100 most
desireablequeer women poll. As
Beebe goes on mommy leave for
four months,the rest of us will
be working on our anniversary
"Most couples spend $17,000 on their weddings. We planned ours
for under $2000;' says contributing writer Serena
Freewomyn,
who
wrote"Have Your Wedding Cake and Eat It, Too" on page 52. She
and her partner, Shannon, celebrated their commitment to each
other last April. "When we originally decided to tie the knot, we
worried about going into debt to throw a p~rty. That just wasn't
in line ~ith our core values. We started researching wedding
planning and discovered that most of the budgeting advice was
not aimed at queer couples. I decided to come up with my own
list of budgeting tips for same-sex couples so that we could all
have the wedding of our dreams, even on a shoestring budget:' Now that Freewomyn is done
wedding planning, she spends her time keeping up with her dog and four cats. She writes for
Feministsforchoice.com and Queercents.com, and is currently working on a novel about the
women's suffrage movement.
plans. But, before we sail farther
into the '00s, we need to know
more about you, too. So please
go to pg. 25 and fill out our reader
survey.In this era of digital and
print reinvention,we want to make
sure the changes we make down
the line are the ones you want to
see. It's free, fast, anonymousand
if yours is one of the entries we
randomlyselect, you'll win a free
copy of The L Word: Final Season
DVD or Chris Pureka'snew CD
N.
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How I Learned to See in the Dark.
Several Curvettes are celebrating new life this spring and-in honor of our
annual Family issue-we'd like to give a shout-out to the new moms in our
ranks. Contributing writer Melany Walters-Beck welcomed her daughter,
Lucie, in 2009. Contributing writer Myra Lavenue has her
hands full with her adorable daughter, Claire Margaret,
who will be 10 months old this month. And, by the time you
read this, associate editor Rachel Beebe will be the proud
new mom of her first son.
Congratulations to them all!
Gayby boom (from left): Rachel
Beebe; Claire Margaret Lavenue;
Melany Walters-Beckwith her
daughters,Stella and Lucie
Best yet, you'll tell us who you are
and what you want and we'll cater
to your needs. How often does
that happen?
Diane Anderson-Minshall
Editor in Chief
April 2010
I9
ASTRO
GRRL
Spring Into Her Arms
Will a new romance brighten up your April showers? By Charlene Lichtenstein
Aries(March21-April20)
Sex:You can dazzle a certain lady with your generosity.
Spread your largess along with your scented oil and
see what you can get cooking. Who says money can't
buy-love? Career:Expect some romance on the job this
April, but tread carefully. She can upend your corp,
orate world. Better manifest your own destiny, unless
you want to be a kept woman.
Libra(Sept24--0ct.23)
Sex: Turn on your most provocative and sensual
feelings and see who you attract. If you could bottle
what you have boiling inside of you-you could make
millions. Career:Even if corporate projects are taking
longer than you expect, keep plugging away.You could
get ahead with the help of powerful girlfriends. Or will
you just get head? •
Taurus(April21-May21)
Sex:Where does all this sexy charm of yours come
from? You are a babe magnet this April. Don't ask
why. Ask when, where, how and, most importantly,
who. Career:Find any excuse to work from home. At
least those "casting couch" meetings will have more
comfortable furniture.
Scorpio(Oct24-Nov.22)
Sex:Your partner needs a little love and affection now.
You tan bring her to a luster all through the month
if you can rub,a,dub with passion. Career:This is the
time to make your big corporate move. You have a
rocket in your pocket and enough insider knowledge
to cause an explosion. Light up the skies.
Gemini(May22-June21)
passion and give you time to plan your next move.
Career:You feel the need to call it as you see it ...
Is that really necessary? Sometimes silence speaks
volumes. Hint, hint.
Sagittarius
(Nov.23-Dec.22)
Sex:Are you spending more time than usual at the
gym? Swimsuit season is almost here and you will
want to get the girls drooling. Career:If there is an
opportunity to travel for business, go for it. Spread
your talents globally, and if you make a mistake, no
one will know.
Cancer(June22-July23)
Sex:There is a certain gal pal who could turn into a
lovergrrl, if that's what you want. Do you know who
she is? If so, are you ready to make the first move?
Career:
You make money hand over fist this April. But
isn't it better to keep both hands open:' Better still,
unpack your net.
Capricorn
(Dec.23-Jan.20)
Sex:Romance is in the air, along with a few creative
diversions. One will elevate you to new artistic heights,
while the other will bring you low and get you delight,
fully dirty. Try not to confuse the two. Career:
You get
to play a game of Risk with other people's money. This
is great if you invest carefully and wisely. Oh dear.
Leo(July24--Aug.
23)
Sex:You manage to capture the adoration of the power
elite. Quick, make your move while they are dazzled
and dazed. Career:Yoµ are not only the epicenter of
power and expertise at work, you have a gravitational
force that pulls followers toward you. What time is the
coup d'etat?
Aquarius(Jan.21-t=eb.19)
Sex:Find any excuse to lounge around the house and
be delicious, decadent and debauched. Who needs
spring cleaning when you can get down and dirty?
Career:Business partnerships prove to be valuable, so
cut a certain someone a bit of slack and allow them to
prove their worth. Some folks change. Others are just
good for dollars.
FIERY
RAMSLOVE Sex:Be a bit mysterious with a certain lady. Pique her
HARD
ANDLOYALinterest in a myriad of creative ways-it'll excite her
Whena Ram-bogirl loves
you,shelovesyouwithall her
heartandsoul.Thereis nocoy
approach,
nofunnygamesor
cat-and-mouse
pasdedeuxunlessshe'sdoingthedeuxing.
Shewill probablyonlyhavea
handfulof loversthroughout
herlife (unlikefickleGemini
girls,whooftenrackthemup
intothethousands)
andshe
will remainloyalas longasshe
doesn'tfeeltakenadvantage
of.
Flirtation,
if it comesat all,will
manifestin theearlystagesof
therelationship.
Assoonasshe
is comfortable,
shegetsdown
to basicsandbusiness.
Mtrologer Charlene Virgo(Aug.24--Sept23)
Uchtensteinis the Sex:Travel is highlighted this April, so you can mingle
authorof Herscopes:and swingle in many delightful locales.1 As long as
A Guideto Astrology you're doing it with April, make room for May and
forLesbians.
Getmoreatthestarry June, too. Career:
You may be thinking of finally putting
eye.com
orcheckoutherblogat your secretive plans to work at work. Ah, but the__n
they
thestarryeye.typepad.com. wouldn't be secrets. Stay hush,hush a little longer.
1ojcurve
Pisces(Feb.2o-March20)
Sex:You can attract her with just your sugary words
this April. See how sticky she can get and then really
pour on the sauce. Career:You are on the short list at
work. Is it because of your magnificent personality?
Better check which list that is on. Ahem. ■
999
WHICHIS HOTTER?
Turnsoutgentlemen
aren't
theonlyoneswhoprefer
blondes.
Lesbians
aregiving
secondglancesto brunette
musicianKatherine
McPhee,
whopren:iiered
a dykey
newblonde'dofor 2010.ls
battingfor ourteammuch
furtheraway?
AFTER
~
RACHEL
MADDOW
HASA
. CRUSH!
Lesbian Feminist Theologian Mary Daly Dies
Theology and the church were among the most
profoundly difficult areas for feminists to navigate
at the beginning of the second wave of feminism.
Addressing God, the patriarchy and the role of
women in the church seemed far more complicated
than the bread-and-butter issue of equal pay for equal
work. But Mary Daly changed all that.
No other modem-day feminist influenced radical feminism to the degree that Daly did. Daly was
singular even among people like Andrea Dworkin,
Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Audre Lorde and
Robin Morgan.
Daly was raised in the Catholic Church and she
attended Catholic schools and universities. When I
met her, in the mid-1970s, she was teaching at Boston
College, one of the nation's foremost Catholic institutions. Daly understood the workings of the church
like no one I had ever met, and for a Catholic girl who
had chafed against the church as I had, Daly and her
vision were revelatory. I was not alone in that perception. When Daly died at 81 on January 4, 2010, the
"I ToldYouSoistrue,terrifying,andcoffee-out-your-nose
funny.I loveKateClinton.Buythe
book,or I'll sicthe NSAonyourass."
sheer range of obituaries published about her death
showed the impact her work had on theology and
feminist theory.
Daly had three doctorates-in
religion, sacred
theology and philosophy-but
she was more than
just a theologian who was also a feminist. She was
a radical theorist who rei~serted women into the
dialogue about God and religion from which they
had been excised. She took on male theologians and
patriarchy, which she would come to call the primary
religion of men.
Her early theological writing criticized what she
called "androcentrism;' a male-centered view of the
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world. In her pivotal book Beyond God the Fathershe explored how Western religion changed
God into an oppressor of women. In later books, notably Gyn/Ecologyand Pure Lust, she
broadened her scope to include the patriarchy as a whole, theorizing that men had oppressed
women from the beginning of time and had used religion to do so.
Daly's iconoclasm often caused controversy. In 1968, Boston College tried to fire her after
her book The Churchand the SecondSex was published. In it, Daly asserted that the Catholic
Church had oppressed women for centuries.
In 1999, she was forced to retire from Boston College, where she had taught for 33 years,
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when she refused to allow male students to take her advanced women's studies courses. (She
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allowed male students into her introductory courses and did offer independent study courses
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for male students, but felt that even the presence of men in her classrooms was oppressive to
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to withdraw her tenure and forced her to resign. An out,ofcourt settlement allowed her to
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retire. Daly wrote about the conflict in her book Amazon Grace.
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Here's a taste of lesbians in pop culture this month.
Who missed the mark and who was right on target?
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AnimalLoversEllen
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womanand manof the
yearfor their work
on animalrights
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missthe lesbo
gent(played
ha Thomason
'hiteCollarev
if it weren'tf
'
the rundown
Aspartof a settlement
withJennifer
Donovan,
a lesbianparkrangerwhofileda harassmentsuitin SanDiegoCounty,
theCalifornia
Department
of ParksandRecreation
isforminga
taskforceto explore
harassment
againstwomen
andLGBT
employees.
Donovan
saysco-workers
leftunderwear,
sextoysandobscene
drawings
in herlocker
...Thinking
abouthooking
upat
work?Becareful.
Twofemaleteachers
were
caughtwiththeirshirtsoffandtheirpantsdown
in anemptyclassroom
at JamesMadison
High
Schoolin Brooklyn.
Thelanguage
teachers
wereallegedly
foundtogether
bya janitor
whiletheirclasses
wereat anevening
talent
showintheauditorium.
Theyarebothbeing
investigated
for misconduct.
..TeahWimberly,
a 16-year-old
lesbian
fromFlorida,
hasbeen
foundguiltyof second-degree
murderfor killing
a classmate
andchildhood
friend.Sheshotand
killedAmanda
Collette,
a 15-year-old
student,
afterCollette
rejected
herromantic
advances.
Wimberly's
attorney
usedaninsanitydefense,
arguingthatshehadsuffered
yearsof physical,
sexualandemotional
abuse
...CarolAnnDuffy,
(below)
hasbecome
Britain's
._ t
firstopenlygaypoetlaureate
and
thefirstwomanto receive
the
prestigious
awardin its341-year
history.Duffysaidin aninterview
withbest-selling
lesbianauthor
Jeanette
Winterson
thatshe
is "nota lesbianpoet,whatever
thatis."She
continued,
"If I ama lesbianiconanda role
model,that'sgreat,butif it's a wordthatis
usedto reduceme,thenyouhaveto askwhy
someone
wouldwantto reduce
me"...KatyPerrywascalled
outbyGLAAD
aftersheposted
pictures
of a nakedtransgender
manto herTwitteraccount
and
ridiculed
himwiththecomment,
"I knewthoselittlewhitelast
weekofthebirthcontrolpillswouldstillhavean
effectonyourbody!FU"...PresidentObama
mightnothavedelivered
onall hispromises
to theLGBT
community,
buthehasmadea
fewgooddecisions.
TheSenate
confirmed
his
nominee
for U.S.Marshal
in theMinnesota
district,SharonLubinski,
makingherthefirst
lesbianU.S.Marshal
inthecountryandthefirst-....
femaleMarshal
inthestate.Plus,
Obama's
latestpickforseniortechnicaladvisor
to theU.S.Commerce
Department,
AmandaSimpson,
is believed
to bethefirstopenly
transgender
presidential
appointee
.
[Sassafras
Lowrey]
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~
Obstruction
of Justice?TheU.S.
SupremeCourtrefusesto allow Prop.8
trials to be airedlive on YouTube
April 2010
I 13
LESBOFILE
Takea Peek
With this much dyke drama, we just can't look away. By Jocelyn Voo
LeakedFootageandCelebutant
Battles
Frankly, I'm surprised that a Tila Tequilasex
Tequila's behavior suggested that she was
increasingly floating away on a cloud of crazy,
tape took this long to surface. But now it declaring on Twitter that she was pregnant
looks like the little lady's getting herself into as the surrogate mom for her brother and
a huff because others are making a profit off his wife's child. She recanted days later,
her nude gallivanting.
saying she planned to be the surrogate mom
After ex-boyfriend and NFL player in the future.
Shawne Merriman allegedly beat up Tequila,
But, after Johnson passed away in January,
she posted a video rant on Ustream, during Tequila upped the ante by sucking every last
which she dances around naked, talks Paula bit of fame from the tragedy. She became
Abdul-gradegibberish and lashes out at hysterical when Nicky Hilton and Bijou
Merriman. Tequila's attorney has since taken Phillips went to retrieve Johnson's belongings
down the video, saying that Tequila's lapse in and two dogs, because she claimed that they
sanity may have been caused by the incident
were going to put the dogs down (which
with Merriman.
Phillips denied). Then she tweeted about
But then-surprise,
surprise-a
real sex how she was going to meet the Johnson
tape emerges! A scant 10-second ~lip of family prior to Casey's death ("Not true;' a
Tequila playing with a man's penis was up- family spokesperson told the New YorkPost).
loaded to the free porn site 4tube.com. Tequila Denied, Tequila turned to Twitter to unleash
claims the clip came from a stolen laptop. her fury, claiming that the Johnsons acted
Kevin Blatt, a celebrity sex tape distributor,
like they were better than her because "they
seems to corroborate Tequila's story, saying have money;' and also that she was "the only
1 who loved her:'
.two guys shopped it to him two years ago.
However, Tequila denies the existence
Since then, Tequila has continued to
of a longer sex tape, even though Blatt told pick fights on Twitter with everyone from
Rada.rOnline.com he's seen the 15-minute
Courtenay Semel to Megan Fox. Someone
video with "her in a variety of different
needs to get this girl some help.
positions."
Indeed, luck has not been on Tequila's Pin-UpQueen
Prepare yourself: Pin-up queen Dita Von
side lately. Even before her maybe-maybe
not fiancee CaseyJohnson's
sudden death, Teese,known equally for having dated shock14
Icurve
rocker Marilyn Manson as for having an
impossibly tiny waistline, will now be known
for something sexier-topless
photos of
her and another female model dressed in
menswear and posing in racy entwinements
( think licking, spanking, undressing). The
shoot, done back in 1999, is everything you'd
expect from Von Teese-classy, erotic black
and white photos-and
we're having a hard
time turning our eyes away. Ladies, if you're
able to pass on these pictures, you might as
well turn in your L card right now.
DissedBytheDJ
~
0
Q.
Trading one bisexual for another might ~
seem par for the course, but for DJ Samantha ~
Ronson,
it just wasn't happening.
~
While spinning at a Las Vegas party, ~
Ronson was given the full peacock show ~
by ex-Danity Kane singer and reality starlet ~
w
Aubrey 0'0ay, who deliberately planted :::l
[jj
herself on top of a table right in front of the ~
DJ booth, bumping and grinding like it was 3
her job.
•~
"She was doing everything to get Samantha's ~
attention, including grinding her derriere
on the glass partition that blocked off the ~
booth;' one witness told the New York
Post. But she might as well have saved her ~
time. "Samantha totally ignored her," said 5
the witness. ■
~
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I
* IOOLJAR~Tlfi
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•..-"'~
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MU'..
OPENSTUDIO
Forman's work (clockwise
from left): Girl with a Bird,
Sisters, Once Young,
Blue Egg, Letting Go
Our Placein-theNaturalWorld
Fran Forman explores connections with collage. By Heather Robinson
The word "collage" comes from the French coller,which
means, literally,"to glue:' Fran Forman uses virtual glue and
her trusty computer to create striking images that juxtapose
modern and bygone worlds in startling ways.
Until just a few years ago, Forman was a corporate
website designer by day and an artist by night. When her
job ended, she made art her full,time priority and hasn't
looked back since. "It was fantastic because I suddenly
found mysel£ at this stage of my life, with the freedom to
really create things that have been sitting in my head:'
Though her pieces usually focus on a single 19th,
century portrait, the,re are larger themes at work. "My
art reflects our connection to, and interdependence on,
the natural world and the generations that preceded us.
I think my images show that we re not alone in the world,
that we need to celebrate our relationship to the
animals, land and oceans with whom we share
this planer:'
Forman's commitment to the environment and
social justice was hatched as she came of age in the
1960s. After receiving her master's degree in social
work, she spent two years working with heroin
addicts."It was a time in which, honestly, I couldn't
really imagine that doing art, for me, would make
16lcurve
a difference in the world. It felt too narcissistic:'
But Forman eventually found herself obeying her artistic
inclinations, more interested in rearranging her office
space and imagining possible wall colors than completing
the tasks shed been hired to do. So, she began exploring
her creative side and eventually got a master's degree in
graphic design and photography.
Though Forman has pursued jewelry making, sculpture
and painting, she always finds herself coming back to col,
lage."I used to make collages when I was a kid and I would
use these kinds of images, a lot of found objects and a lot
of old photographs:'
Forman's art has been featured in Calyx, a journal of art
and literature by women, and has also graced book covers
and magazines. Her work is part of the permanent collec,
tion at Houston's Museum of Fine Arts and the Griffin
Museum of Photography in Winchester, Mass.
In 2008, Forman returned to her activist roots to work
full,time for the Obama presidential campaign. "I loved
the energy and excitement-and
also because I was so
terrified of what the outcome would be if we didn't winI just really threw myself into it:' Though she's not taking
all the credit, she is proud that every state she worked on
voted Democratic. ■
OUTINFRONT
:•
..Slee lessKni hts
..
..
Three tireless activists coming to the rescue of the community. By Sheryl Kay
.•
Old-School
Activist
: : In thelate1950s,JeriDilnodroppedout of high
school and joined the Air Force. "I thought I
could make it through two years of enlistment,
then Officer Candidate School and the relative
freedom accorded officers;' she says.
Instead, she was outed and given an
"undesirable discharge" only three days
before her date of separation. The incident,
: : though devastating and demoralizing also lit
•, a fire in her heart that still burns today. Dilno
became active in the Philadelphia LGBT
community and, ten years later, helped push for
a gay rights march in that city. She went on to
organize San Diego's first Pride Parade, while
serving as the first female executive director
of the city's LGBT Community Center. Her
experiences at the center led her to work on
the statewide committee organized to defeat
Proposition 6 (the Briggs Initiative) and also
to work on the 1987 March on Washington.
Dilno has been active in national, state and
local politics for years, serving four terms as
the president of the San Diego Democratic
Club, the city's oldest and largest LGBT
political organization, and as an out delegate
at three Democratic National Conventions
as well as several state party conventions. She
was also a co,chair of the LGBT Caucus of
the California Democratic Party.
While she notes that our community has
the resources to change things, she reminds
people to "always be vigilant of your rights
as a citizen, and your responsibility to safe,
guard them:'
Building
Connections
~
i
rrJ
~
~
5
cf
As the crisis project director for the
National Alliance on Mental Illness in
Minneapolis, RoxanneAndersonworks to
build connections between the gay and
mental health communities.
According to Anderson, "It's estimated
that LGBTQ persons are two and a half
times more likely to experience mental
illness than heterosexuals .... We want to
provide the knowledge and resources to
dismantle stigma:'
MoneyMaven
She's also spent many years working actively
on behalf of PFLAG St. Paul,Minneapolis,
where she's served as a board member,
interim administrator, vice president and
president. Anderson also devotes her heart
and soul to creative endeavors, co,founding
and co,directing RARE Productions, an
arts and entertainment company catering to
LGBT artists of color.
Anderson remembers growing up in a town
where hooded Ku Klux Klan members stood at
"Bankruptcy can happen to most anyone,
even in a stronger economy;' says MariaSalas,
a Nashville lawyer whose firm specializes
in bankruptcy proceedings. "I often say we
might all be one job loss, catastrophic illness
or divorce away from bankruptcy:'
The same holds true for same,sex
couples, she says, noting that the LGBT
community faces extra challenges because
of the added possibility of employment
intersections passing out pamphlets and where
she and her brothers were assaulted with racial
epithets.That trauma, she says, is part of what
fuels her to work with communities of color.
''African Americans and other communities
of color face multiple layers of oppression;'
she says."We face homophobia in our cultural
communities, racism in the queer community
and disparities in income levels, health,
housing and employment:' She says there are
ways, though, to bridge some of these gaps,
like finding cultural ways to connect.
She cites art as one example."People can be
from very different places and come together in
a neutral, safe space that art often provides:'
discrimination and the lack of available
insurance options.
Salas has also worked as an activist, having
served on the board of Nashville's Human
Rights Campaign and having been appointed
by the mayor to the Metro Nashville Human
Relations Commission, where she went on to
become the vice,chair.
"Thanks to the work, dedication and sacrifice
of lots of individuals and organizations,
we have made tremendous strides in the
last 25 years or so, but we're nowhere near
full equality;' Salas says. "Living openly and
honestly in our own communities will help us
all get there:• ■
April 2010
I 17
ADVICELipstick& Dipstick
Are You ReadyTo Pop?
I'd liketo buy wedding
ringsfor my girlfriend
and me. Do I buy
engagementrings
first?Does she need
to be with me? Should
I make it a surprise?
Lipstick:The answer is yes. And yes. And
whatever you want. One of the wonderful
things about being gay is that we can chart
our own course when it comes to all things
rooted in patriarchy. What you must figure
out first is what you want. What's the ideal
memory you want to create? Do you buy two
rings and make sure there is a return policy?
Do you buy simple poesy rings for the big
proposal and then later pick out diamonds
together? Once you figure out what you need,
think hard about what she might want, and
base your decisions on that. Keep in mind,
though, that there is nothing wrong with
having a passionate, loving discussion about
your future and about how to memorialize
and celebrate the decision.
Dipstick:Lipstick, is that you talking about
the patriarchy? Before we met, you thought
patriarchy was a sport involving a bow and
arrow. No, don't buy wedding rings. What if
she says no, or not now, or I don't believe in
marriage? Do you want to be stuck with two
outrageously expensive pieces of jewelry-one
of which you may end up throwing into a lake
in five years after catching her in bed with her
sailing instructor? Instead, get her a simple
engagement ring and put your time and
energy into making the proposal memorable.
Don't just blurt out, "Will you marry me?''
as you're about to come. Take her some
place you'll both find romantic: to her
favorite restaurant, on a motorcycle ride to
the top of a mountain, for a weekend away
at the beach ... or a monster truck rally. Hire
a cellist. Write it in the snow in rose petals.
Compose a song and sing it to her. The ring
is just a metal band. It's you she'll be marrying,
so give your proposal personality.
DearLipstickandDipstick:
I haveonlyrecently
comeoutto myfamilyandfriends.I cameout
so that I couldbe with a girlthat I haveloved
for overtwo years.Sincewe'vebeentogether,
I havefoundoutthat not onlyis my girlfriend
a virgin(shehasn'tevenmasturbated),
butshe
won'tlet meseeherin herunderwear,
let alone
naked.Although
I wouldneverpressure
herinto
anything.Butoursex life is virtuallynonexistentand,honestly,
I'm gettingbored.- Bored
in Bowling
Green
Dipstick:Sex is not your right or something
you earn for coming out of the closet. (Or
for caking her co a nice dinner or doing
your hair.) Sex is something that is shared
between two people when they are both
ready to take that step. If you really loved
this girl, you'd back off and give her the space
to explore her sexuality, face her demons and
get to a place where she feels safe enough to
venture into your love cave. I'll bet she has
some baggage :iround sex. Why don't you see
if you can gently coax that out of her? Not in
a "Why won't you have sex with me?'' way,
but by being loving and supportive and
helping her get over this barrier for hersel£
not for your pleasure.
Lipstick:The Marquis de Sade nailed it
when he said, "Sex is as important as eating
or drinking and we ought to allow the one
appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint
or false modesty as the other:' Dipstick's right
when she says, it's not your "right" to have sex.
However, it is your "choice"to be in a sexless
relationship. It sounds like you girls are at
two different points in your coming out and
that disconnect can be jarring-she's terrified
and you're frustrated. Here are your options:
Either you can wait it out until she's ready to
take off those panties, or move on and take
off someone else's panties, with your teeth. ■ •
Is texting cheating? How do you
come out to a Bible thumper? For
the answers, watch new episodes ~
a::
of TheLipstick& DipstickShow ~
w
at curvemag.com.
a
~
::E
1s1curve
._
Thisyearcurve celebrates
our20thanniversary
bylooking
backatthewomenwhoinspiredus
then.Twenty
yearsago,Elayne
Angelwasa mcmr pierceratWestHollywood's
TheGall1llet,
thefist
piercing
specially
studiointheU.S.'tbumayknowherbestasthewomanwhopopularized
the
tonguepiercing.
Fellow
queergirlRaelynGallinawasalsoa piercingpioneer.
Sheinvented
the
fishtaillabretteandintroduced
modemscarification
toAmerican
cultureandisstillgoingstrong.
Health ADVICE
Makin Your Mark
A piercing pro gives us five tips to keep that-fashion statement healthy. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
In a society that dictates a frustratingly narrow
concept of beauty, piercing has become a way
to take back control of our bodies-and get
that little extra sparkle while we're at it.
According to experts, many of us want
extra body bling. Elayne Angel, an award,
winning professional piercer and author
of The Piercing Bible (piercingbible.com),
says that 1 in 7 people between the ages
~ of 18 and 50 sport jewlery in areas more
~ exotic than their earlobes. In fact, in 2006,
~ the Associated Press reported that among
:3
people between 18 and 29, that number rose
w
~
to one in three.*
I
C)
~
Getting pierced is not just a youth phenom,
6'
o enon-people get piercings to commemorate
~ life events, for spiritual purposes and as a
symbol of subculture membership. Sound
CD
::J familiar? Take a stroll through any dyke
::::>
~ enclave and you'll see what I mean. We dykes
3
definitely love our piercings, and that lesbian
C)
~ classic, the lip ring, has handily tipped this
~ lesbo off more than once.
~
But there's nothing more unattractive than
c'}i
~ an infected or otherwise unhealthy piercing.
~
.J
So what do you need to know to protect
I
~ yourself? Angel gives us her key pointers on
how to get a healthy piercing and keep
it that way.
1. HowdoI finda safepiercer?If they
permit customers to try on piercing
jewelry, run. But first, _to find a safe
piercer, become an educated consumer.
In the United States there are no standard,
ized regulations-there's no such thing as a
'certified piercer:' Look for members of the
Association of Professional Piercers. We up,
hold a standard of hygiene and sanitation,
have training in blood,borne,pathogens
exposure control and have studios that
meet certain environmental criteria. Visit
safepiercing.org for details.
2. HowdoI makesureI'm gettingwhatI really
wantin thestudio?Ask whatever you need in
order to feel confident that you're getting
exactly what you want. Every question you
ask should be answered thoroughly. If the
piercer cannot place a piercing where you
want it, she should be able to explain why
your chosen spot [isn't] safe.
3. What'sthe mostimportant
partof aftercare?
Keep your dirty hands. away from your
piercing! You should also avoid trauma and
friction. I don't believe there's one magic
aftercare product that's best for all piercings,
but a strong product such as peroxide or
alcohol will harm rather. than help.
4. WhatshouldI do if my piercingbecomes
infected?At the first sign of trouble, visit
your piercer. Many piercing problems can be
handled with a change of jewelry or aftercare
regimen. It's quite common for piercings to
become somewhat discolored and ooze a
little bit during healing, and piercees may
mistakenly believe they have an infection. If
you think you've got an infection, you should
visit your doctor. If infected, [a piercing]
needs to drain. And leave in quality jewelry,
if the proper fit allows for drainage. If you
abandon the piercing, the holes can close,
causing an abscess, which is even worse.
5.Whataresomeofthecommon
mistakes
people
make that lead to unhealthy
piercings?
One
mistake is choosing a piercer based on low
price. Don't bargain shop! Piercees frequently
stop being assiduous with aftercare or start
playing with the [unhealed] piercing, [which]
can lead to complications. People commonly
leaveout their jewelry for a short time, believing
that it will be easy to reinsert. But even healed
body piercings can close quickly if the jewelry
is removed. So, if you like your
piercing, keep your jewelry in. ■
Where To Get Your Holes Punched
A few LGBT-owned
piercingsalons
fromcoastto coast
••
•
• •
•• • • •
8
GS
D PRESS*
April 2010
I 19
ITRIED
IT
u
the CreekWith a BrokenAnkle
A gentle trip down a scenic river turns into a painful, dramatic adventure. By Edie Stull
Eight lesbian friends, a warm midsummer
day, the rushing waters of the Chattooga
River, fun, friendship, excitement-and without a doubt the worst vacation of my life.
The Chattooga flows between South
Carolina and Georgia and is a popular
rafting destination. The six experienced
rafters in our group assured rafting virgins
Karen and I that while the Chattooga
ranges from beginner Class II to advanced
Class IV rapids, we were tackling a "more
moderate" section of the river. The trip
would provide beautiful scenery, they
promised, with some thrills and excitement
but no near-death experiences.
After a mini course on safety and rafting
procedures, we climbed into two large orange
rubber rafts. Our guides, who, unlike us, had
some idea of what they were doing, gave us
life vests and helmets-not the kind of gear I
thought we'd need.
The directions seemed easy enough: Paddle
when the guide said paddle, stop when he said
stop. If you fall out-not high on my to-do
list-roll onto your back, pull up your knees
and let the water take you, well, somewhere,
and eventually the guide will pick you up.
That was good news.
We started out gently,paddling and drifting.
It was beautiful, quiet and peaceful. Then I
heard the sound of fast-moving water-our
first rapids. We bobbed, we jerked, we got
soaked, but I made it through unscathed,
thanks in part to my death grip on ~e raft.
No dykes up the creek without a raft-phew.
We passed through calm water, then rapids,
then calm water again. I began to relax. This
wasn't going to be so bad after all, I thought.
Then, midway down a small rapid, our raft
slammed to a stop on a rock in the middle of
the river. One of our trusty guides careened
out of the back of the raft, crashed into Karen
in the front and knocked her into the water.
A good student, she did exactly what she'd
learned in Rafting 101 and floated to calm
water, eventually climbing onto a rock to
await pickup.
As advertised, a guide paddled over to
20
Icurve
her. Everything seemed to be going according
to plan. But on Karen's way into the raft,
she slipped. Even over the rushing water,
we all heard the snap. One look at the acute
angle of her foot and we all knew her ankle
was broken.
The guides sprang into action, producing
an air splint and a litter that had been tucked
away in the woods for just such an occasion.
One of our friends, a nurse, installed the
At the hospital, the orthopedic doctor
gave Karen a choice-he could put her back
together or she could go home for surgery.
She opted for the latter, so, aided by some
good drugs, he put the ankle back in place,
crafted a temporary cast and admitted her for
the night.
The remaining seven of us were more
than ready for the day to end. We were tired,
hungry and without rooms for the night in a
splint on Karen's discolored ankle.
OK, now what? We were on a river in the
middle of God knows where with someone
who couldn't walk her way out. The guides
were about to earn their pay. They put Karen
on the litter in the raft where she could ride
over calm water. When we hit rapids, they
carried her around the fast water on the
narrow, slippery path that ran alongside the
river, then sprinted back to the boat to guide
the rest of us through the rapids. Probably
not the day they had planned.
We repeated the paddle, portage, paddle,
portage drill, eventually making it back to
civilization with Karen still on the litter and
in surprisingly good spirits. She told her
porters they were lucky she ~d just lost a
bunch of weight.
small South Carolina town that had probably
never seen a pack of lesbians before.
After changing the flat tire we had on
the way to eat (really? more broken parts to
deal with?), we finally found the only two
rooms in town not booked by the rodeo.
After a few hours of sleep, we collected a
well-rested Karen, loaded her into a van
with pillows, painkillers and a bedpan,
and began the long trip home. Aided with.
drugs, Karen survived the eight-hour trip
to a hospital near her home.
As we waited for Karen to be admitted, a
little old lady from Admissions looked at me
and said, 'J\re you her mother?" Would this
day never end? The ankle healed and we both
lived to tell the tale, but Karen has never
suggested taking another rafting trip. ■
SCENE
We'vegotbabiesonthebrainat curve this
month.Soinsteadof ourusualpartypies,
we wantedto bringyoufamilysnapsthat
photographer
SophiaHantzes
tookat a variety
of prideeventsin Minnesota,
including1
TwinCitiesPride2 Minnesota
Freedom
Band)
3 RainbowFamilyConference
4 Minnesota
Freedom
Band5 and6 DuluthSuperiorPride
7-10 TwinCitiesPride11 Outfront
LobbyDay.
(/)
~<
I
<
:i:
a.
(/),__
0
_____________
_
DYKE
DRAMA
HairToda Gone Tomorrow
'
What would you do to impress a woman? By Michele Fisher
The other day, a friend asked me if I would
shave my nether regions for a lover. "I would,
I have and I do;' was my response. But, I asked
her, had she already slept with this woman?
She had not. At the time, I told her I was not
sure I would be willing to vagiscape for a gal
who hadn't yet been to the garden, but who
was I kidding? Of course I would. I would
even decorate it for Christmas if the woman
was hot enough. In fact, I have worn both a
dick and stirrup pants for a woman (I think I
even wore both at the same time once, back in
the '80s ), so a close shave is no problem.
This little hair inquiry got me thinking
about the other things I have been willing
to do to get or keep a woman. Then I started
asking around to find out what other outrageous things lesbians have been willing to do
in order to impress a conquest.
The most obvious thing many of us have
done to get close to another gal is pretend
to be her friend. This strategy almost always
backfires because it works too well. That is,
you get a friend, but never a lover, out of the
deal. The real problem is that you are such
a good friend. A bad friend would just dive
in and get at least a one-night stand out of
the whole thing. But no, you want something
lasting and meaningful; you don't want something quick and dirty.
One day, you are going to realize that you
have plenty of friends and that there is a time
and a place for quick and dirty.
One gal I talked to in Seattle slept with
a man for her woman. WTF? Yep, her girlfriend kept telling Dickless in Seattle that if
she had never actually slept with a man, then
she didn't know what she was missing and
might eventually leave her when she finally
discovered the pleasures of a penis. So they
went to Europe to see the sights and get her
a man. They got themselves a little three-way
action in Paris. But then, during a game
of leap frog, the girlfriend got all upset
because it seemed like Dickless in Seattle
was enjoying herself a little too much. The
relationship didn't make it past customs.
The hardest thing I ever gave up for a
woman was a television. I am not even a
big TV watcher, but for some reason it was
worse than giving up water (which I once did
for a few months when I discovered pepperinfused vodka). Anyway, I gave my TV away
to impress this bookworm who told me she
had never owned a television. She claimed
television had already ruined three generations of Americans and she was going to stop
the cycle. Oh yeah, and she said that she could
never have sex with a boob tuber.
Then, one day, I caught her watching
soaps on her computer! Who needs cable
when you've got broadband? I was actually
reading books and color-coding my sweaters
at home while she was watching TheL Word
on her laptop. She was no bookworm-she
was a MacBook worm. I marched straight
to the convalescent home and took iny
television back. Hey, they got a free TV for
a couple of weeks.
Many of us have given up food groups for
want of a woman. It seems a whole lot of
us have turned vegan for vagina. But alas,
with these lassies I've found it's best to eat
and run.
a:
~
M!
t;;
~
~
~
But how about the gal who went from
vegan to venison? Yep, I met a dyke who told
me that after 12 years of being a vegan, she
fell in love with a naturalist who was doing a
study of wildlife in some remote area in the
north of Montana where the two of them
lived off of the land for a year. She said she
stuck with the vegan thing for a while-and
then it started to snow. The oatmeal ran out,
the nuts ran out and then the dried berries
were gone and it was still snowing. By March,
the rabbits and squirrels knew it was no longer
safe to take a shortcut through he'r yard.
Once, I gave up other women for a woman.
Before my wife reads this and starts tossing
my stuff on the front lawn, I should explain.
Long before I discovered the joy of meaningful relationships, I lusted after a woman who
told me that she couldn't feel safe sleeping
with anybody who slept around. She said she
had to be the only game in town or it was no
dice. So, I gave up the company of others so I
could see her naked.
Eventually, she got. tired of me and
went on to sleep exclusively with someone
else. Actually, this particular scenario has
happened many times in my life. I am not a
serial monogamist, I just sleep with them.
I also once dated an Amy Winehouse.
Okay, she wasn't famous and she couldn't sing,
but she was a drunk and she made ugly scenes
wherever she went. I pretended I didn't mind
the fact she was always falling down drunk or
nodding off in public because she was such
The hardestthing! ever
gave up for a woman was
a television.I am not even
a bigTV watcher,but for
some reasonit was worse
than givingup water,
whichI once did for a few
monthswhen I discovered
pepper-infused
vodka.
a pretty mess. Have you ever dated anybody
with bad habits that you thought you could
talk them out of, only to find that you were
becoming more like them than they were like
your I thought I could influence her, but I was
the one who end.ed up under the influence. I
realized I had better take a step back from her
before I needed to take 12.
And finally, who hasn't pretended to be
over her ex-lover when a new, hot woman is
headed her way2 Everything is going along
swimmingly until the undead relationship
comes back into your life and those feelings
you thought were buried resurface. Okay,
that is what you tell the new girlfriend as
you backpedal away from her. But isn't the
truth really that you never got over that old
flame and you only dated the new girl to
make your old girlfriend jealous2 And when
that doesn't work, do you quit and move
on2 Hell no, you go out in search of an even
hotter new woman that will, for sure, make
your old girlfriend want you back. This can
go on for several women.
But the game doesn't end there. We still
haven't gotten to my favorite part of Drama
Mama, where you have finally gotten over
the ex and then you suddenly realize that one
of the women you threw away in your quest
to win your ex back was really The One.
Now you have to make believe you're not an
indecisive neurotic to get her back into your
life. So, you pretend to be her friend. ■
POLITICS
Discrimination
Kills
Our fight is a worldwide one. By Victoria A. Brownworth
In her poem"From an Old House in America;•
Adrienne Rich reworks John Donne's famous
line to read: 'J\ny woman's death diminishes
me:• That line has reverb-erated for me
throughout the years since I first read it and
spoke it aloud as a student. It is a line I believe
all women should take to heart.
In 2010, it's impolitic to speak to the prefeminist realities of our allegedly postfeminist
world. Yet it is neither anachronistic nor shrill
to say that women must stand in solidarity
against our shared oppression and repression.
We have to fight the isolation that the patriarchy uses to separate us from one. another.
When one woman dies due to gender bias, we
are all diminished.
Pulitzer Prize-winners Nicholas Kristof
and Sheryl WuDunn estimate that 60 to 100
million women have gone missing worldwide
in recent years due to trafficking and systematic discrimination. These two aren't hardcore
feminist ideologues, but they are crusading
journalists and political scientists. Kristof is
credited with bringing the genocide in Darfur
to light through his columns in the New York
Times. He is also credited with detailing the
rape crisis in the Democratic Republic of
Congo, where gang rape has become a primary
24
Icurve
weapon of war. In their book, Half the Sky,
Kristof and WuDunn are adamant: Women
and girls are being ''disappeared" as surely as if
a worldwide junta were stalking them.
But it isn't just within war-torn nations that
this genocide against women is unfolding.
Cultural, social and religious elements add to
the annihilation of women and girls. In China
and India, where sex-selection abortion has
become commonplace, there are 800 female
births for every 1,000 male children born. In
China, there is still a fairly strict one-child
population-control policy, and it is almost
always a female fetus that is aborted.
Quite simply, girls are being discriminated
against to death, as Kristof and WuDunn
delineate in their research. Girls are given
less food. They are deprived of vaccinations,
medical care and education. They are subjected to female genital mutilation. They are
married off as children and forced into early
childbirth. Kristof and WuDunn note that
giving birth is still the most dangerous things
a woman can do if she doesn't have access to
modern medical care.
Women and girls are also subject to gender
bias murder. Honor killing is rampant in over
50 countries, primarily in the Middle East
and Africa, where Islam is both the religion
and the law. Thousands of women and girls
are killed each year by male family members
for such "crimes" as being seen with a man
who is not a family member, being out in
public without a male family escort and
being lesbians. Sharia law, which even the
United Kingdom is considering allowi~g for
Muslims, imposes draconian restrictions on
. women. Women who disobey these rules
can be killed as a matter of that law. And
there is no punishment for their murders.
Sex trafficking and domestic slavery are
also killing women and girls at a frightening
rate. In India, Anti-Slavery International
estimates that 10 percent of girls are sold
into domestic slavery by the age of 5. Sex
trafficking has become pandemic throughout Asia, Russia, Eastern Europe, and
Central and South America.
Domestic and sex slaves have even been
sold to families in the United States. The
ease of this kind of transaction was demonstrated in the July 8, 2008 episode of ABC's
Nightline, when reporter Dan Harris set out
to "buy" a girl in Haiti and found it took less
than 10 hours to do so. It takes even less
time to go from Brownsville, Texas and buy
a girl from Mexico for the same purpose,
as noted in David Feingold's documentary
Trading Women.
All these horrors mean one thing: Women
have to protect one another and save one
another. We have to help girls -survive their
childhoods so that they have the opportunity to become adults and make their own
choices. We have to campaign against honor
killings, acid burnings and female genital
mutilation and call them what they are: a
genocide against women. As we contemplate
issues like marriage equality and being able
to have and keep our own children, we must
remember that not very far away, girls are
being sold. As we build our lesbian families,
we cannot forget our other family, the family
of women. It's easy to change lives-as easy as
going online and contributing to micro-loans
for women to give them financial independence (you can give through sites like globalgiving.org or girleffect.org), mentoring a girl
recovering from sex slavery or simply talking
with other women about this genocide. We
are family and, as such, we must hold one
another tight against those who would do us
ineffable harm. ■
B
~
~
a:
~
!:b
:x:
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Aswe enterour20thyear,we wantto knowwhoyouareandwhatyouthink.Youranswerswill helpshapethe
directionof curve for the nextdecades.
Twowinnerswill be randomlyselectedfromcompletedquestionnaires
receivedby April30,2010to win either TheL Word:FinalSeasonDVDor ChrisPureka'snewCD,HowI Learnedto See
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D Budget Travel D Other Travel Mags
16. What do you typically do on weekends
or time off from work? (Check all that apply)
□ Shopping
9. When you describe your sexual
orientation, which word do you prefer?
□ Lesbian
□ Bisexual
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□ Heteroflexible □ Straight
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_
Her Big
League
Actor Megan Cavanagh
is living the American dream. ·
By Diane Anderson-Minshall
Photos by Cheryl Mazak
wasn't secure with hersel£ and she was afraid,
and didn't really know herself. She's not the
pretty one, and her coming into her own, and
finding out who she is-that's the journey
of all of us. I think that's why she's so loved.
People come up to me and say, "You were the
best thing in that movie!" I go, "Come on:' I
mean, Geena Davis, Tom Hanks, Madonna.
But you know, I know what they mean. It's
the character. The character had a great arc.
She probably had the biggest arc of anybody
in that movie and, for the record, she doesn't
leave baseball to get married. The original
version of A League of Their Own was four
and a half hours long, and they had to cut it,
and so that was the part that they cut. So, you
know, I left baseball for a man.
Didyouknowthatthere'sanall-girlqueercore
riotgirlbandnamedMarlaHooch?
I heard! They're in New York, right? I also
heard that there's a softball team called the
Hooches.
Partof beinga characteractoris that you're
neverthe femmefataleleadinglady-you're
thenurse,thecoach,theprisonwarden.Doyou
everfeel pressured
to seek moretraditional
leadingladyroles?
I don't really mind playing the ugly girl, or the
neurotic girl. I don't mind playing those roles,
Howoftendoyouhearthephrase"bestknownas MarlaHooch because I feel like they always have a lot of meat to them. And
in A Leagueof TheirOwn?"
also, I try to bring-to every character that I play-a likeability.
Constantly. (Laughs] You know, I still get recognized at the I think our society is too involved in beauty, and I think that
really messes women up. It's crazy. So it's really ex.citingfor me
grocery store. It's just this cult movie that doesn't go away.
Doesit surprise
youhowenduring
Marlais?
to be able to be an average to overweight-whatever you want
Yes,it's unbelievable. I'm really sort of astounded by it-and in to call it-woman in this world. A real woman, I like to say.
different generations, too. My son is 16, and his generation of Not that those other women aren't real, but I feel like they are
kids-the girls especially know more than the boys. It's funny, trying to copy something out of a magazine, when I think they
it's like it just keeps getting passed down.
should just be themselves.
WhydoesMarlaresonate
somuchwithpeople?
There'sdefinitely
a lot of pressure
to achievethe beautystanWell, I think that she's sort of an everywoman. I think that she dardthatHollywood
putsontherestofAmerica.
There's a comic timing to almost everything Megan Cavanagh does, even while
sitting in a vintage rock tee and talking about coming out as a lesbian at 39.
It's not a ba-da-bing moment but there's something funny lingering just under
the surface, waiting to escape, and you can see a twinkle in her eyes when you
know she's about to erupt. Of course, this is the actress best known as Marla
Hooch, the homely switch-hitter in A League of Their Own, who somehow managed to outshine Rosie O'Donnell and Madonna in the 1992 blockbuster film.
Two decades later, Cavanagh is a Hollywood hitter who co-stars in Logo's
hit series Exes and Ohs. Though she's amassed a heap of new lesbian fans
with Exes (season two starts this spring and season one is now on DVD), most
folks know her from her vast TV resume (she's had appearances on hit sitcoms
like Just Shoot Me, Will & Grace, and, of course, Home Improvement-where
she ended the series marrying Al Borland). Though we adored her in League
and Robin Hood: Men in Tights-and any theater aficionado will tell you that
her four year run of Menopause the Musical was a smash-Cavanagh may
be most recognizable for her voice, not her face. From her turn as the fighter
pilot on the cult hit Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle to her years as Judy
on The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius or Hilary on The Mighty Bf,
Cavanagh has amassed a bevy of fans who weren't even born when Marla
Hooch hit the big screen.
Today, Cavanagh is juggling work and family-she lives with her teenage
son, Brendan, and partner Anne Chamberlain, an instructor at the Academy
of Art University-in a bucolic Northern California burg. When she's not on
stage or screen, the twosome are working on a book and documentary about
Cavanagh's career as a, well, the kind of non-traditional Hollywood starlet
who gets cast as the "ugly" girl. "Society's so obsessed with being skinny
now," Cavanagh says. "It's like I'm the anti-skinny." And while she may not be
the Hollywood ideal ("I'm healthfully happy with my body," she says), she's at
home with her family, living the American dream.
26
Icurve
Yeah, and I look at the industry, and the men that are in the category that I'm in-like, Steve Bu~cemi and John Lovitz-and
it's like, they work! There are not roles for women. There are
usually two women [in a movie] and they're usually babes, you
know, and then the rest are guys. I would love to have Steve
Buscemi or John Goodman's career. You could never have a fat
woman as fat as-and you know I love him-John Goodman
is. I mean, I think he's a great actor, but he's a big dude. You
could never have a woman like that be just a character, without
the comment about her being fat.
Haveyoubeenactingyourwholelife?
I acted as a kid, but not professionally. I was constantly doing
plays, and reading plays, and asking people to do plays. I graduated [high school] when I was 16-and I went to college,
and my 'parents wouldn't let me go away because I was 16, so
I went to Rosary College, which was like six blocks from my
parent's house, and I ended up doing a theater degree there.
And after I graduated there, I went to downtown Chicago,
and just started trying to get into plays in Chicago. I did a
lot of working in box offices, and house managing at Victory
Do you think that audienceexpectationplays into that? Gardens, and I did understudying, and I was getting equity
You know, you go to England, you go to Europe, and women
points ... I've been doing theater for as long as I can remember
are more real, in that, they aren't up to this beauty standard
and I still do it-I do a lot of musicals, I just love it.
that we've got in America and audiences love them. I think it's Whatdoyoulovebestabouttheater?
a vicious circle, because we go, oh, we need
I love the immediacy, and I love that it's like jazz. Every night
you
go out, and the audience is totally different, and you think
"I don't really mind to market movies to 18-year-old boys,
that a certain line will get a laugh, and it doesn't, and it just
therefore we need to have really hot babes
playing the ugly and they're the only ones that are going to depends on the audience. I love that interplay between the
girl, or the neurotic go. You know, when Sex and the City came audience and the actors. And I love the stuff that goes wrong,
and how we get out of it. It absolutely just feeds my soul. I
out, it was huge! It made a huge amount
girl. I don't mind of money and that was women, a lot of love it.
playing those
whom were over 30, or even over 40, that
watched that movie.
That'sgreat.Andthentheotherprojects
paythebills?
Yeah, they will pay the bills sometimes when things are slow,
too. I've been doing Menopause the Musical for five years on
set with these big personalities.
Rosie and off, and I've done it in 13 cities including Singapore and
O'Donnell,Madonna,GeenaDavis.Was Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I've gone everywhere with this
always have a lot
show, and it's great, because the audiences love it-especially
thereanycrazydrama?
of meat to them." Remarkably, no. I mean we were on this the older women, who haven't been able to talk much about
shoot for five months, and we did every- this stuff.
thing together. We were in a small town. We were in Evansville, Whenyouwerestartingoutdidyoueverimagine
thatyou'dbe
Indiana, during most of the shoot. And we all got apartments
oneofthestarsin a TVshowaboutlesbians?
or houses, and so we would socialize with each other as well as You know, I can't tell you how excited I am. First of all, I came
out when I was 39, and I'm 48 right now. So I mean I'm-I
work 14 hours a day.People had their moments, but no drama. I
couldn't have told you. I am so stupid about my sexuality.
would say that one of the funniest things that almost turned
[Laughs] Even though I was attracted to [women], I just didn't
into a dramatic moment was when we were shooting way out
in the boondocks, and you know, there's all these girls, and
everyone needs their makeup retouched, and everyone needs
their hair done, and [director] Penny [Marshall] was just like,
no hair, no makeup. Just back off!
roles, because
I feel like they
In A league of TheirOwn,you were on
Sowhenleaguebecame
sohuge,didyouthink,Wow,thisis it.
I madeit?
Yes, I did. It was funny because I got pregnant, while I was
doing the movie, and so I had agents calling me. I could not
get a theatrical agent before this, because they didn't know
what to do with me. When the heat of the movie started to
happen ... ! was taking calls, taking meetings. It was such a
trip. [Laughs] It's just funny, because I went from desperate
to having an agent and having people call me and soliciting
me. It was wild.
Anddidyouseethepayoffthatyouthought
youwould?
Oh yeah, totally. It put me on the map, you know? And I've
been able to wQrk as an actor, solely, since-doing lots of
things, not just film. I've done TV, I've done a lot of theater,
I do voiceovers.
I'm really lucky. My goal in life was to be a working actorand I have that. I absolutely have that. And it's kind of like,
what do I want now?
2s
I curve
understand it. And it took me a long time to figure it out. But
I'm so excited to be on this show. I am so excited to be Chris
on this show. I feel like it's really been an exciting trip for me to
do this. Because it started out as a short film, a favor to a friend
kind of _thing,and I never thought it would go anywhere, but it
became a TV show. [Laughs] It's just like that dream of ''I've
got a short film and I want to make it into a TV series;' and
you know it's like, good luck, you and a million other people.
And she did it! [Creator]Michelle [Paradise] did it.
What'sthebestpartaboutplayingChris?
It's a comic character and she's such a part of me. She's my wild
side. She's a joyful person and she drinks ... she's just fun. I
haven't gotten to play anybody who is that close to who I amalthough I don't drink anymore. It's that kind of exuberance.
She's not a crazy. I mean, she's crazy-good, but she's not a
nutcase like so many of the other characters I've played.
Youalsogetto bea womanonTVwhoisn'ta sizetwo.
Right. Well it's so funny because they sort of made me butchy.
Like I'm the "butch" character on that show, which makes me
laugh because I'm so not in my life. My girlfriend is very butch.
I have my friends, my butch friends, who are like,''You're a
butch in Hollywood, that's so sad! That's so sad! Put a real
butch on TV."
Thefirst seasonof ExesandOhswas hilarious.I just loved
it. I adoreMichellebut therewas so muchto like aboutthe
wholeshow.
I'm happy The L Word had the success that it had, but I think
that The L Word is so completely different from our show. It's
sort of like comparing Friends to 24-totally different. And
we don't have any nudity in our show, which takes some of the
onus off [us]. It's sort of refreshing in a way to not see what
we're doing in bed. I watched The L Word and I was a fan. I'm
just glad that we're doing the show that we're doing. It's not a
copy of them.
Yousaidearlierthatyoudidn'tcomeoutuntilyouwere39. It's
alwaysreported
causally
thatyou'reopenlygaybutI don'tever
reallyremember
thebig comingoutinterview.
Yeah, I don't really know if there was one.
Didyoujust comeout personally
and not get a lot of media
attention
for it?
That's ·correct. I came out in 1999-oh, it's 10 years, it's 10
now-to my family, so that was my big out. And then from
there, I was absolutely out in my work and everywhere,
because I had a partner and I was not going to pretend that
she didn't exist. The first job I got after coming out to them
was a Will & Grace episode where I played a lesbian and my
mother was like, they know. She's like, now you're only going
to get lesbian roles. And I was like, Mom, it doesn't work that
way. Although I am choosing more lesbian roles.
Wastherepressure
notto comeout?
No. It was really an internal, personal thing. It was huge for me
to come out, but it was more huge for me to come out to my
family than to anybody else. I didn't care really what the world
was going to say; I cared what my family was going to say.
Andhowdidtheyreact?
They were great. I mean, my mom said, "Oh, it's a phase:' But
nobody disowned me, everybody loved me. It's all good.
Later,sherealizedit wasn'tsomuchof a phase.
Yeah, and I'm married. My partner and I got married last
August.
Wereyouoneofthose18,000marriages
that'sstilllegaldespite
Prop.8?
Yes!We're grandfathered in, we're married!
Wereyoucrushed
withthefinalProp.8 decision?
I really was. But, I also thought that's what they were going
to say. I was hopeful that they weren't, but I really felt like
they were going to. And this is how I look at it ... it's steps. I
think it's just a matter of time. I mean, look back 50 years
and you could not have imagined that we would have an
African-American president and that gay people would be
able to get married.
It isreallycrazy.I cameoutover20yearsagoandI couldn't
have
imagined
anyofthis.
You know it's interesting; my son's yearbook, I'm looking
through it last night and I see Transgender Day. They're doing
all this great work at the schools about being non-haters.When
I saw this I was like, God, this is a public school. Granted it's in
the Bay Area, but it gives me hope.
Yeah,absolutely.
I wantto see if this filtersdownto kidsin
otherareas.
Well, you know, it's scary when you look at Dr. Tiller-the
abortionist who got murdered in the Bay-and listening to
the hate talk. And I think this country really is, in a way,
heading for a revolution between the right and the left. I certainly
don't want it. I would love it to not have that happen.
Cavanagh
and her brood
Her Big Leaguecontinuedon page62
April 2010 j 29
Lori Petty
never stops
moving. From her scrappy
portrayals . of lovable tomboys
•and retro~futuristic superheroes .
to her recent stint behind the
cam.era, she has m.ade a career
out of being in perpetual motion.
The actor is known for her lead
in 1995's dram.atization of the
comic strip Tank Girl, as well
as her role as the badass surfer
chick in Point Break and her
turn as the pitcher Kit Keller,
Geena Davis' eager kid sister
in A League of Their Own.
"I always played ball, my
whole life;'Petty explains •
from. the backseat of a
._
Thisyearcurve celebrates
our20th.
anniversary
bylooking
back.Pettyhit
Hollywood
20yearsagoandimmediately
hadqueerfans.Astraight
butbutchtomboy,
Pettytoldcurve yearsago,"I thinkthe
reason
thatI'mca&asa lesbian
isthatI'm
nota dragqueen.
I don'thavefaketittles
andBotox
andfakelips...theydon'tknow
whattodowithmesotheylabelme
gay,whichI don'tgivea shitabout"
taxicab on the way to
Los Angeles International
Airport. "Baseball, basket~
ball, everything. And I ran
track. I had constant energy. I
was a painter, a writer, I edited
the school paper. I was always
doing something:'
p a
•
1n
for
ee s
Lori Petty writes and directs her
own life story in ThePoker House.
Lawrence isn't the only actor on the film getting raves from
Petty. Selma Blair, whose saliva swap with Sarah Michelle
Gellar in the forgettable late-'90s teen flick Cruel Intentions
placed her firmly on the lesbian radar, is also stunning in the
role of Agnes' mother. "I think it's the best thing she's ever
Photo by David Woodruff
done in her life;' says Petty. "Just because she was given
the opportunity. She's never done bad work. She's had less
than great material to work with, like we all have, but she's
Petty is a career actor whose film credits are stacked on top of a great actress:'
a lengthy list of TV appearances (like her critically-acclaimed
In ThePoker House, Blair reels off a rambling monologuerole on House last year). But, as the writer and director of The an amazing performance-in her underwear, not an easy feat
Poker House, a winner at the 2008 Los Angeles Film Festival, during a winter shoot. "In the script I had her in a bra and
she tackles a story that hits closer to home-a
fearless panties and she looked like a supermodel. We had to do somedocumentation of her own troubled adolescence in a poor, thing to her, so the costumier found this piece of gold lame
small town in Iowa. The film is a coming-ofage story about fabric and he draped it around her. We just did our best to
a high school basketball star named Agnes, whose mother is make her not drop-dead gorgeous, which is reallyjust amazing.
a drug-addled prostitute and whose father figure is a ruthless It was freezing balls. She was wearing no clothes and I'm like,
pimp and child abuser.
Selma, go sit in my trailer. She's like, I'm fine. She's sitting on
Like the character in her film, Petty's own chilhood contained the floor in her panties smoking a cigarette. It was great:'
sexual abuse. "Physiologically and emotionally, the attention
Now comfortably out of her 20s, Petty takes her owri legacy
feels good;' Petty explains, referring to both Agnes' feelings as a queer icon in stride. "With Tank Girl, to this day, I have
and her own experience of sexual abuse. "Touching feels good. fan mail. People dress up like me and send me pictures. Girls
Kissing feels good. But you know immediately when that line have me tattooed on their bodies and my signature tattooed
has been crossed, because it doesn't feel good anymore. But on their bodies. I didn't seek it out, but I love it:'
there are still conflicting feelings, because it did feel good up to
Petty has also had the opportunity to resurrect the careers of
a point. I remember, when I was little, thinking, I wish I was a previous generati~n in the 1992 hit A League of Iheir Own.
"We met the ladies (of the All-American Girls Professional
ugly; because I just felt that I was getting so much attention
because I was pretty, and I didn't want to be pretty because I Baseball League], who were in their 70s and 80s at the time,
didn't want all that attention:'
and a substantial amount of them were in same-sex relationIn the age of Dakota Fanning, finding young stars with the ships. They couldn't be out back then and I didn't think about
emotional maturity to tackle such an adult theme is not as that;' she ponders. "They had to be totally closeted, but here
difficult as it once was. "These are just the new generationthey are showing up at the reunions with their partners:'
the women who weren't taught that they couldn't do everyNever afraid to lay it on the line, Petty is likely to continue
thing or be everything. They have a lot of self-confidence. directing and, if Hollywood allows, settle comfortably into the
They listen, too. I'm a taskmaster;' warns Petty. ''And I don't role of cookie-baking soccer mom. "I love acting and it's paid
play; especially with Jennifer (Lawrence, who plays Agnes]. my bills for 25 years, but I wish there were better roles for a
She's just insanely talented and beautiful, and 5-foot-9 and woman who is not going to get Botox and fake tits;' she shrugs.
built like Raquel Welch. I'm proud of her. If she can just stay "I don't know why they don't cast me as the mom. I could be a
away from the Chateau Marmont, she'll be all right, "jokes
mom. I'm going to do Law & Order next month. I'm probably a
Petty; referring to the notorious Hollywood landmark where murderer who eats my kids or something. I always get cast as
John Belushi died and Lindsay Lohan once lived.
the really complex crazy people. I don't know why:' ■
By MelanyWalters,Beck
April 201
o I31
he Sexbomb, the Psycho-Slut and the Stripper
set of Faster, Pussycat Kill! Kill!-what Cummings refers to as
are not exactly monikers you would associate with her"Lucy Ball goes to prison'' pin-up look."I used those fishnet
a post-feminist flick, so when the trailer for Bitch pantyhose as a source of empowerment. I'd be like, oh, are my
Slap (out on DVD this month)-the
racy action seams straight:' Good. I'm ready to kick some ass:'
If Hel is the brains •of the operation, Camero (0 livo) is
vehicle for actors Erin Cummings, America Olivo and
Julia Voth-first hit the Internet, my girlfriends and I the muscle-a murderous, lusty dyke who loves hard and
kills on a whim. For Olivo (of Friday the 13th fame), the
found ourselves decidedly conflicted. Its mix of undiluted
sexploitation and the sheer va-va-voom-ness of its all-girl Bitch Slap shoot was the fulfillment of a family legacy: Her
cast had our feminist sensibilities saying, "No, no, no!" but mother, Danica d'Hondt was a B-movie star in her own
our libidos shouting, "Yes, yes, yes!" Naturally, our hormones
right. She also received some tips from lezzie favorites, Lucy
won out, and we eagerly counted down the days until we . Lawless and Renee O'Connor, who reunited for a cameo in
could see the film ourselves.
the film.
"Lucy was giving me some really funny ideas;' Olivo
Here's the setup: On a desolate desert highway, Hel (the
recalls. "We just goofed with it, and played with it, and had
Sexbomb), Camero (the Psycho-Slut) and Trixie (the Stripper)
are on the hunt for a b~ried fortune. The story unfolds through a really good time:'
Camero-a drug-addled nutcase-was a role that required
a series of flashbacks, progressively uncovering secret motivations, plot twists and betrayals. It's a grindhouse throwback full Olivo to shed any trace of effeminateness, a character trait
of visceral thrills and salty language, equal parts homage and that bled over into Olivo's real life. ''I'd become this feral
send-up of'60s era exploitation films. Girl fights,
creature in the desert;' she laughs.'Tm so dirty and
gun fights, water fights-it's all here. And, best of
disgusting and drenched with sweat ... ! would go
to the store and people would, like, bend back
all,it's steeped in Sapphic seduction.
away from me:'
Cummings, already popular from staring in
the queer soap Dante's Cove plays, Hel. She says
Both her co-stars laugh at the memory of
Olivo's method acting. "Oh yeah, she was nuts.
taking the role was a no-brainer: 'Tm always
I was like, this bitch is fucking off her rocker;'
drawn to characters that are variations of the
same mold, which is a strong, intelligent female
laughs Cummings.
America Olivo who you don't want to mess with:' Hel, the master"I was actually scared of her;' agrees Voth. "She
(above), Zoe
Bell (inset) mind of the crew, has a taste for weaponry and the
was so into it. She was so there:'
ladies. She looks like she could've walked off the
For Voth, becoming her character meant taking
32
Icurve
on the role of a stripper with a heart of gold (and a vajayjaythat
can light up a room-literally). Prior to landing the role, Voth
was a successful model and responsible for both the voice and
look of Resident Evil's tough girl Jill Valentine. However, when
she read the Bitch Slap script she was drawn to the meek character. "She's very ,naYveand ... because this was my first acting
job, I myself was very naYvegoing into it. But this character
just seemed to speak to me ... the struggle she went through to
become who she is ... and I felt a power in that:'
While the actors quickly fell into their roles, the characters
themselves are an explosive combination, culminating in an
epic girlfight. Behind all the punching, kicking, hair pulling
and, yes, crotch biting, is stuntwoman Zoe Bell, renowned
for her work on Xena: Warrior Princess and Kill Bill. Bell was
a major boon for a film that features one of the longest running female throwdowns on celluloid. "It's so fantastic to have
a female, so she could show us how to do it on a female body.
She's using the flexibility of femininity;' says Olivo.
Cummings agrees: "Zoe, being a woman, put things in the
fight that a man would never think to do. The scene where
Camero is kneeling over me and I bite her crotch, I grab her
breast and I punch her in the face-Zoe would be like, just
grab her titty and punch ~er in the face, in her cute little Kiwi
accent. Some people say that fight is too long, some people say
that the fight is too bloody, no one ever says that the fight is
lame, because it's nor:'
The film is full of girl-on-girl action, and it doesn't skimp
on the hot 'n' heavy variety. To prepare for her love scene,
Cummings studied episodes of The L Word, then showed
them to Voth and the director. "You don't want to go in there
like gangbusters and attack your screen partner, and they' re
like, no, this should be lovemaking. And you also don't want to
go in there all soft and cuddly, and they're like, no, you need to
be fisting her right now;' laughs Cummings.
"We did the first take, and it was very-it was very pleasant. It
was like, oh, I'm kissing you, and this is nice;' says Cummings.
"Then Julia and I sat down ... and I said, 'The only thing that
would really suck, would be if we go through and shoot this
whole sex scene and we don't really fully commit to it, and
people watch it, and go, 'Eh, that wasn't really sexy:"
Voth recounts the moment, "I looked at her and ... a light
bulb went off like, oh, that can't happen!"
"So, Julia and I just sort of made a commitment ... to just
go for it;' says Cummings. "We set these parameters of, OK,
can I kiss you with tongue? Yes. Can I grab your breasts? Can
I lick your breasts? Yes, you can grab my butt .... Then we just
went at it. The second take, [the director] looked at us and
was like, what just happened?;• laughs Cummings. 'J\t the end
of the day you look at someone like Julia, and she's drop-dead
gorgeous-why wouldn't I want to kiss her?"
There's plenty to love about Bitch Slap-it's fullof hot women
who love women, and action galore-but is it a feminist film?
The actors say yes."I think that it's just a really fun tongue-incheek way of saying, 'Hey, look where feminism is today: Now
women are playing the leading ladies who are saving the day
and saving the girl and c~rrying the big gun;' says Cummings.
The main complaint against the film is frs overt ogling
of the female cast, but, for Olivo, that's an argument in its
favor, "We have the freedom to be like, oh my God, women's
bodies are fantastic! Let's just have it out. Let's enjoy our
bodies. And let's show it off. Let's be sexy. Why can't that be
another form of femininity?"
Cummings looks forward to the film changing the minds
of jaded audiences, saying, "When women walk away from a
movie that they think is going to be beyond
offensive and think, you know, I really want
''/ Tlt/M• TltAT IT'$
to make out with a chick and punch someJIIIT A REM.LF
one in the face. I go, yeah, we did our job:' ■
,11M TOMGll£-IMClt££• WAF o,
IAFIMG, 'ltEF Loo•
WltERE ,£11/11611 II
TOOAJ'.
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The babes of
Bitch Slap
(from top):
Cummings;
Cummings,
Olivo, Julia Voth;
Cummings and
Olivo
April 2010
I33
This women-in-prison film pushes the boundaries of the genre.
By Rachel Shatto
Scenes from
Stuck! (above from
left): Jane Wiedlin,
Susan Traylor, Mink
Stole, Pleasant
Gehman, Starina
Johnson; (inset)
Gehman, Johnson;
Gehman
34
Icurve
hower scenes, sadistic guards, a cellblock riot and forbidden
dyke love-Stuck!, a '60s women-in-prison tribute, has
it all. Shot in black and white and set to a jazzy beatnik
soundtrack, it's an atmospheric, tragic homage to a bygone era.
In the grand tradition of women-in-prison films, Stuck!
centers on an innocent woman framed for her mother's
murder and sentenced to die by hanging. Daisy, played by
the deliciously curvaceous Starina Johnson, is thrust into
a pack of hard-boiled female cons, played by a mixture of
indie powerhouses-Mink
Stole, Pleasant Gehman, Susan
Traylor, Jane Wiedlin-and
co-staring genre icon Karen
Black as the nosy neighbor and sole witness to the "crime:'
The opportunity to work with such talented and established actors was a career
vault for Johnson, a relatively unknown actor."It's
really nice to work with
actresses who you can
feed off of. Sometimes
you work with people,
and they are just waiting
for their close-up, which •
is so awful. To work with
other people who also love the art of it is really nice;' says
Johnson.
The role of doomed "new fish" Daisy was immediately
appealing to Johnson. "There is something just fascinating
about having to live your life as fast as humanly possible
because you know you're going to be killed;' muses the
young actor.
Johnson recieved a little extra help getting into character,
when she and her and her fellow "inmates" were literally
locked into their cells in the humid heat of Macon,
Georgia for the shoots. "There was an oppressive feeling
in [the cell], plus with the movie lights on, it was really
claustrophobic ... it wasn't like there was just two people
there at a time. We all were in
there during all of the shots .
So you constantly had to be in
your character;' says Gehman,
who plays Dutch, Daisy's lusty
love interest.
Although the film relies
heavily on typecast sexploitation characters, it cannot
simply be categorized as just
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another kitschy chicks~in~chains flick. Stuck! is part genre
classic, part powerful drama and part black comedy-all
rolled into one sexy film.
Gehman was shocked at the powerful emotional under~
tones of the script. "During the actual shooting of it, it
became apparent to us that there was a lot of really heavy
emotions in the room. Like when ... Daisy got dragged off to
the gallows the first time. Seriously, I wound up crying off
four sets of false eyelashes. It was almost like The Crucible...
it was, like, spreading hysteria-if
one person was doing
something really emotional, everyone would start crying in
the cells;' says Gehman.
At the center of the emotions is a romance. Dutch is a cop~
killing prostitute who takes a liking to the innocent Daisy
from the moment she meets her. A lifetime fan of the sexploi~
tation genre, Gehman jumped at the chance to join the cast,
"[I was] fulfilling one of my life's dreams to be in a women's
prison movie and acting with one of my earliest screen idols ...
Mink Stole, especially when I found out she was going to be
my cell mate;' says Gehman, excitedly. ''And playing a white
trash hooker lesbian cop killer, how could I say no?"
However, when it came to her character, Gehman wanted
a few tweaks. ''At first, in the script, it actually ·says that she's
a manish woman. But, I decided since Dutch had been a
hooker-whether
or not she liked men-I figured she would
be using her sexual allure to get what she wanted. I wrote to
[the director] and I sent him pictures of Rosie the Riveter
and also the Ronettes. I said, 'I would kind of like her to ... be
almost a Puerto Rican tranny, and like a really tough, post~
World War II kind of woman instead:"
The director agreed and Gehman found herself really
getting into her character. "I was going overboard. I made a
shank out of a toothbrush and I showed it to all the girls in
~ the cast, and they were like, I want a shank;' laughs Gehman.
~ "Mink and I even were on the phone, flipping a coin over who
9.
got the top or bottom bunks:'
0
0
Both Johnson and Gehman were wary of the love scene in
~
~ the script, afraid they wouldn't do the moment justice. "That
UJ
ffi was actually the scene in the entire movie that I was most
worried about, because I wanted it to be just genuine. This is
~ one of the last times they're going to see each other;' explains
~:.Johnson. Gehman adds that her inspiration for the scene is
~ Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet,"where they just touch hands ...
j just a little finger touch between the bars:'
.
While Stuck! is firmly rooted in the grand tradition of
<(
~ women~in~prison films-in both theme and style-it
tran~
~ scends the genre to explore what it really means to be "stuck;'
~
a: and why it has very little to do with which side of the prison
ti~ bars you're on. ■
i
!
April 2010
I35
FloridaFamilyFun
Places to take your brood in the Sunshine State. By Edie Stull
Ask kids where they want to spend their next vacation and there
is a good chance Florida will be part of the conversation. With
eight major theme parks, it's a surefire place to find unlimited
entertainment, if you like rides and cartoon characters. But
Florida offers visitors a lot more-650 miles of beaches are
within an easy drive from anywhere in the state, and there are
dozens of other things to do and places to go for a diverse,
fun-filled vacation for everyone in the family.
While the state as a whole is less than gay-friendly, some
areas, notably Orlando, Miami and Tampa-St. Petersburg,
host popular annual queer events and are welcoming to
LGBT travelers.
Orlando: So Much More Than Mickey
Orlando is the No. 1 Florida family destination and Walt
Disney World's theme parks-Magic
Kingdom, Epcot,
Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios-top
the list.
While all the parks have something to appeal to every age,
younger children like the Magic Kingdom and it might
be difficult to pry older kids away from the Disney water
parks-Blizzard
Beach and Typhoon Lagoon. Disney's
Wide World_ of Sports complex hosts spring training for
the Braves and the Buccaneers and other sports events in a
state-of-the-art facility.
Orlando also has Universal Orlando, with two theme parks:
Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, which includes a
Dr. Seuss-themed area for little kids. Sea World Orlando
and Discovery Cove round out the big parks, and at both
of them you'll find smaller crowds among the sea life and
animal shows.
36
I curve
Aside from the big parks, you'll find Wonderworks, a "mad
scientist" kind of place housed in an upside-down building,
as well as everything alligator at Jungleland Zoo and Wet 'n
Wild's water slides and pools. It's more than enough to keep
the whole family occupied.
Disney cruises from Port Canaveral (an hour east of Orlando)
are boats filled with all things Disney, including movies, shows
and activities. The food is great and the ships are first-class.
Bonus: They have adult-only and children-only pools.
If you run out of things to do in Orlando, you can take
a day trip to the Kennedy Space Center (also an hour east
of Orlando), tour the Spaceport by bus and see exhibits and
programs at the Visitor Center.
Another hour's drive northeast from Orlando will put you
in Daytona Beach, home of the Daytona Speedway, where
you'll find a museum and a beach you can drive your car on.
Miami: Without the Vice
South Florida is home to a sizable lesbian and gay population
and is welcoming to gay travelers.
Thanks to the warm climate in Miami, its Metrozoo, one
of the first cageless zoos in the United States, houses a wide
variety of exotic animals from Asia, Australia and Africa. The
Seaquarium gives visitors a look at tropical sea life and people
over 52 inches tall can swim with the dolphins. Jungle Island
has birds in replicas of their natural habitat and at Monkey
Jungle "humans are caged and monkeys run wild;' a concept
that's sure to please young visitors. The Miami Museum
of ...Science has kid-friendly exhibits, as does the Miami
Children's Museum.
Sunshine State
(from left): Busch
Gardens in Tampa;
Daytona Beach;
Captain Memo's
Pirate Cruise.
Below: fun at
Disney World
Southwest of Miami, the Everglades National Park is
home to some 14 rare and endangered species and offers
hiking, camping and canoeing. Ft. Lauderdale, about 30 miles
north of Miami, is family~friendly and home to more than
100 gay businesses. Here you can find beaches, airboat tours,
the Anne Kolb Nature Center, the Antique Car Museum
and Butterfly World.
South of Miami, the Florida Keys stretch for more than
100 miles, all the way to gay~friendly Key West where you'll
find the Key West Aquarium, the Shipwreck Museum, the
Pirate Soul Museum, the Ernest Hemingway Home &
Museum, a lantern~lit ghost tour with Ghost Tours of Key
West, as well as A Key Encounter, which boasts a nature
theater and a jungle walk with live birds and animatronic
creatures like crocodiles and bobcats. (For more fun things
to do with kids in Key West, see"Rug Rat Road Trip" on the
following page.)
Tampa-St. Pete: Not Just for Retirees
o
:i:
1
~
C)
~
~
~
;
~
~
8
Busch Gardens theme park, with more than 2,700 animals,
many in natural habitats, is the centerpiece of a family visit to
Tampa. The park also has roller coasters, including a vertical
dive coaster. Adventure Island Water Park-30 acres of slides,
waterfalls, a wave pool and its own river-is open seasonally
from mid~March through early September, and on weekends
through October.
Glazer Children's Museum, scheduled to open this fall,
will feature learning environments with more than 175
interactive exhibits for kids up to 10 years old.
The Lowery Park Zoo houses more than 2,000 animals
on 56 acres of natural habitat. Kids can choose from a variety
of interactive activities, including feeding the giraffes,
stingrays and lorikeets and riding a camel or pony. The
park also has a sky ride, a safari ride, water play areas and
educational shows.
The Museum of Science and Industry includes an IMAX
Dome Theater, a planetarium and Kids in Charge, which
offers learning through play for children 12 and under. An
advisory board of 26 children between the ages of 10 and 17
helped to develop the space.
Captain Memo's Pirate Cruise (in nearby Clearwater Beach)
is a two~hour cruise with treasure hunts, face painting and water
gun games mainly for toddlers and school~age kids. Dinosaur
World, a small park in Plant City,just east of Tampa, has more
than 150 life~sizedinosaurs. ■
LGBT Eventsin Florida
ORLANDO
GayDayOrlando
June 1-7
(gayday.com)
WinterParty
March 3-8
(winterparty.com)
GlrlsIn Wonderland
MiamiGay& Lesbian
MIAMI
June 3-6
FIimFestival
(girlsinwonderland.com)
April 23-May 2
(mglff.com)
KEY WEST
Womenfast
Sept. 7-12
(womenfest.com)
FantasyFest
Oct. 22-31
(fantasytest.
net)
AquaGlrl
May 12-16
(aquagirl.org)
TAMPA-ST. PETE
TampalntemaUonal
Gayand Lesbian
FIimFestival
Women'sWhiteParty
Oct. 7-17
Nov. 24-29
(whiteparty
.org/womens) (tiglff.com/index.cfm)
April 2010
I37
Rug Rat Road Trip
A lesbian mom's guide to five kid-friendly destinations. By Aefa Mulholland
Tucson
Takethetykesto Tucson,
Ariz.,a sunny,
laidbacktownwith lesbian-friendly
accommodations
anda slewof
kid-popular
eateries.
Thecityoffers
opportunities
to getinteractivewith
exhibitsat the PimaAir andSpace
Museum.Goeye-to-eye
with bobcats,
prairiedogsandMexicanwolvesat the
Arizona-Sonora
DesertMuseum.Or
exploreOldTucsonStudios(above),
now
a Westernthemeparkwith stuntshows
anddancehallmusicals.
Youcanwalk
thestreetson whichhundreds
of films
andTVshowswereshot(including
LittleHouseon thePrairie,High
Chaparral
and TheThreeAmigo~.
Dollywood
Equalpartsthemepark,music
destination,homageto the Great
SmokyMountainsand,of course,
shrineto DollyParton,Dollywood
offersenoughof a mixtureacross
its 125lushEastTennessee
acres
to keepeveryonein the family
happy-from toddlersto teensto
Dollydevotees.There'san excellent
arrayof budgetaccommodations
andnon-Dollywood
activities,
fromthe DinosaurWalkMuseum
to whitewaterraftingadventures,
in PigeonForgeandnearby
Gatlinburg.
A frequenttrolley
servicelinksthe towns.
Key West
Packthe kidsand
the sunblockand
headdownU.S.
Route1 over42
bridgesand100
islandsto Key
West,Fla.Walkor
pedalbetweenthe
ButterflyandNature
Conservatory,
Key
WestMarinePark,FortZacharyTaylor
StateParkandshallow-waterreef
snorkelingsites.There'san abundance
of easyplacesto eat,free-roaming
chickensin the streetsanda refreshing
air of acceptance
whereveryougo.
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Chicago
A thrillingsmorgasbord
of familyactivitiesanda
wealthof kid-friendlyhotelsbeckonin Chicago.Tear
the weeonesawayfromthe sharksat the magnificent
SheddAquarium,sotheycansoarto greatheights
on NavyPier'sFerrisWheel,meetthe 1,250residents
of LincolnParkZooor seethe city from a different
perspectiveat the ChicagoBean(right).Thenwatch
themfrolic at LGBTfamily-friendlyHollywoodBeach.
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SHEDate
Com
The,,_DalingSittlorlhol""""'Conwnu,uty"'
ThesparklingEmeraldCityis a wonderfullywelcoming
lesbiandestination,with someof the country'stop family
hotels,fantasticrestaurantsandpicnicspots,andthe
dramaticbackdropof thejaggedOlympicMountainsto
the west.Hopaboardthe BainbridgeIslandferry,explore
PikePlaceMarket,spotspookyshadowson the eerie
Underground
Tour,get interactivewith aquariumexhibits
anddiscovermorechancesto get hands-on,regardless
of whatageyourcrew is, at the Experience
MusicProject
andScienceFictionMuseum,whichsit side-by-sidein
the SeattleCenter.
Join the Fastest Growing
Lesbian Dating Site!
It's FREEto Join
No More Backseat Meltdowns
What's a gal to do when things start falling apart in the backseat of the Subaru?
Roadtrip-sawy moms know that hi-tech options like DVDs and iPods usually
only work for a short time, so when your kids are at a meltdown stage that has
you asking, "Aren't we there yet?" you definitely need to be ready with a bagful
of low-tech tricks. Being prepared with a few easy, old-time car games might
make those miles go by a little more smoothly.
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Counting Crows,
Cows or Pink Cars
One player silently
selects a category of
objects to count. Most
young children need
broad categories (like
"birds"}, while older
children can guess more
specific categories
(like "crows"}. As your
car passes a select~d
object, the "it" player
counts out loud, adding
one to their total. The
other players guess what
is being counted, and
the first one to guess
correctly becomes the
next counter.
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Buzz
Players agree on a
number between 1 and
9, which becomes the
"buzz number." Then
beginning with 1, players
take turns counting in
numerical sequence, saying "buzz" whenever the
chosen number comes
up. For instance, if the
number is "2," the first
player says "1," the second player says "buzz,"
the third player says "3,"
etc., with the player who
gets 12 saying "buzz"
again (because 12 has
a 2 in it}. You're out if
F.findyour true match!
I
.
Upload:
Photos
Music
Vide0s
Instant Message
Chat Rooms
Video Chat
you don't "buzz" at the
right time. Older children,
can do this game as
multiples.
Alphabets
Players take turns naming
items in a category in
alphabetical order. For
example, if the category
is "favorite cartoon
characters," the first
player names a character
beginning with the letter
A, and the second player
names one beginning
with B. You can change
the game to name
only Disney cartoon
characters or movie
cartoon characters.
Three-Letter Words
The first player picks a
three-letter word such
as "fun." The second
player must say a threeletter word starting with
the last letter of fun,
for example "not." And
so on. A player who is
stumped or repeats a
word is out.
Simon(e) Does
The first player performs
a physical activity such
as hugging herself. The
second player repeats
the activity and adds a
new one, such as clapping her hands or faking
a sneeze, and so on,
until a player forgets one
of the activities and is
declared out. The game
continues until just one
player is left.
Carole Terwilliger Meyers
is the author of 19 books,
including Miles of Smiles:
101 Great Car Games &
Activities. She also writes
for weekendadventuresupdate.blogspot.com.
Send Greetings
E-mail Members
Hotlist
Friend list
Rate Photos
Register for
FREE
OJ
0
a:
www.shedate.com
FamilyFantasyland
From Knott's to Disneyland, California brings it. By Diane Anderson-Minshall
If you've got kids, going to theme parks is a parental obligation.
can smile knowing it's too ladies beneath the furry exteriors.
However, if you've got nieces and nephews that you visit once (Two things not in the book: You can move faster if all the kids
fit in a stroller and no matter how many churros or ice cream
a year-to shower with cheap, noisy gifts, stuff with junkfood
and then dump them off with your sister so you can get back you buy them, all their food will end up on the ground.
to your real life-well, then a theme park vacation is a fun way
If you choose to get grub outside the park, try the local Del
to win aunt of the year. I took my nephew and two nieces (all Taco for kids, or get a babysitter and go to Ralph Brennan's
Jazz Kitchen in Downtown Disney (it's the closest you'll get
under the age of 5) to the West Coast mecca of fun: Southern
California's Anaheim resort area.
to New Orleans this side of the Mississippi).
The next day we drove 15 minutes to get to Knott's Berry
If you want the full experience, stay at a Disney-themed
hotel. Disney's Grand California Hotel and Spa is upscale for Farm. During the Great Depression, Cordelia Knott fed 65the grown folks, while Disneyland Hotel is all about the kids. cent chicken dinners to travelers. Years later, Knott's became
Or, save cash like I did (hello, with four mouths to feed, even America's first theme park. Today it's the 12th most-visited
candy adds up) and go to a nearby motel like the Cortona Inn amusement park in the country, but it retains a certain down
& Suites (cortonainn.com), a Tuscan-style motel less than two home charm, with rides like the Calico Railroad, a narrowblocks from the Disney parks. The kids loved the free pour- gauge railroad with bandit holdups (which, in 1974, terrified
your-own waffle bar. I loved the hot tub, especially after 12 me so much my dad had to carry me out of the park).
This year, though, we spent most of the time at Knott's new
hours of Disneydom.
With our Park Hopper passes we were able to master Soak City, which combines thrillers (like Tidal Wave Tower,
Disneyland and Disney's newer park, California Adventure, in twin seven-story high-speed slides) with lazy rivers and an
one day (which I don't recommend). I introduced them to my adorable kid's lagoon. But, in the 800,000-gallon Wave Poolold (now retooled) faves like the Jungle Cruise, Pirates of the where the tide rushes in suddenly every few minutes- I ended
Caribbean and Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Thankfully, they're too up on my knees lifting terrified, drenched tots in the air, one
young for Cal Adventure's Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, a in each arm, while I sucked down chlorinated water after we
world-famous ride that, rumor has it, was "imagineered" with all lost our balance. (One more lesson: Remind the kids every
help of a lesbian Disney producer-designer. (I'm all for sister- five minutes to go to the bathroom-in the bathroom, not in
hood, but I won't step foot on that scary ride). Fortunately, Cal their swimsuits-something that was painfully obvious when
Adventure boasts a fave that we all adored: an awesome 3D my nephew pooped his pants out of excitement.
Southern California has a whole host of other theme parks
experience called It's Tough To Be a Bug, which actually had me
throwing my hands in the air and jumping out of my seat.
and attractions worthy of note. Fun With the Family Southern
We took the updated and expanded edition of Queens California (globepequot.com) makes for a great starter guide, 6
in the Kingdom: The Ultimate Gay and Lesbian Guide to the and be sure to try Medieval Times, Universal Studios (a ~
x
Disney Theme Parks ( queensinthekingdom.com) with us so I new Simpsons ride!), Legoland (tomboy heaven) and Magic ~
a:
could compare all the queer history of the area while giving Mountain (especially if you have thrill-seeking teens). The best ~
the kids the usual Disney experience. For example, because of part of my experience? At the end of it, I went home and drank ~
Mickey's small stature the costume is usually worn by a woman. a martini in the hot tub while my sister weaned overstimulated 3
:::,
So when you see everyone's favorite mice holding hands, you kids off of cartoon-shaped candy and reckless frivolity. ■
cf
0
§
California
theme parks
(clockwise from
left): Legoland's
Mini USA
lake; Knott's
Soak City;
Disneyland's
Pixie Hollow
40
I curve
Commemorating
40 years
Love
•
Compassion
of San Francisco
•
values
sfpride.org
Eat, drink
and •.• -
Diversity
Celebration and Parade
be fabulous!
This ad space generously
donated by Curve Magazine
June 26-27 2010
curve
•
THE BEST-SELLING LESBIAN MAGAZINE
•
• J lie Dorf
i Olson and u J mie Wetherbe
Longtime activist~~t~~tters most. BY a
ta\k about w
.
enni Olson and Julie Dorf could save the world-and
if they don't, their kids just might. The Midwesternersturned-Californians have been together for 15 years
and crusading for social justice issues even longer.
They've divided their causes, but often share projects:
Olson has become an LGBT media guru while Dorf
focuses on equality at home and abroad-all while raising
two daughters.
"It is a tough balancing act to split your time between your
family and your friends and your passions;' says Dor£ "We get
a lot of satisfaction, joy and meaning from being engaged with
the social justice issues we're involved with:'
As the director of e-commerce at Wolfe Video.com, the
oldest and largest exclusive distributor of gay and lesbian
films, Olson (above left) spends most of her time "selling gay
movies;' she says with a laugh. More than that, she works to
expand LGBT representation on the big screen. Her job titles
have included film exhibition curator, director, award-winning
documentary filmmaker and author-all interests she developed while still a student at the University of Minnesota.
42
Icurve
"When I was corning out, I saw The Celluloid Closet, about
the history of homosexuality on the screen, and it made me
want to see all these movies;• she explains. 'i\nd that was the
way I was able to come out-through this culturalrepresentation
of gay and lesbian images. It was this catalyst for me, and I
decided that other people would want to see those films:•
In 1986, Olson founded the Minneapolis/St. Paul Lesbian,
Gay, Bi & Transgender Film Festival. "It was right before
Desert Hearts, so it was a really different time in terms of what
was out there;' she says. "It was a huge success. It was the start
of facilitating access to LGBT images and film in all forms of
culture and media, and that's what I continue to do today:'
Among Olson's other achievements, she co-founded
PlanetOut.com, acted as a guest curator on the San Francisco
International Lesbian and Gay Film Festival and wrote The
Ultimate Guide to Lesbian & Gay Film and Video and The
Queer Movie Poster Book. Her film credits include Homo
15,77
NUMBER
OFAMERICAN
SAME-SEX
COUPLES
WHOHAVECHILDREN.
SOURCE:
THEWIWAMSINSTITUTE,
U.C.LA.
Promo,a compilation of vintage gay movie trailers, and The
Joy ofLife,an experimental landscape documentary film about
the history of suicide and the Golden Gate Bridge.
Olson and Dorf continue to campaign to have a barrier
erected on the Golden Gate Bridge-a cause they undertook
after Olson's former colleaguejumped from the bridge in 1995.
"If you eliminate the means of people killing themselves,
they'll stop doing it;' says Olson. "Places where barriers were
erected, the suicides stopped. It's an impulsive act. Dry
statistics can't reach people in the same way, and reaching
them through arts and culture can be a very powerful thing:'
Dorf also became an activist at a young age. "I grew up in
a fairly religious family, becoming a young, budding feminist
in a patriarchal culture;' says the Wisconsin native. "I always
joke that it was in an orthodox Jewish school where I learned
to be a radical: I got kicked out of the sixth grade, and my fifth
grade report card said,'Beware of her feminist tendencies:"
Embracing those tendencies, Dorf has since become a
leader in the LGBT rights movement-she
founded and
directed the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights
Commission from 1990 to 2000-and
has worked with
the Open Society Institute, Global Fund for Women, Arcus
Foundation and Fenton Communications/] Street Project, to
name a few. More recently, she served on the boards of the
Human Rights Watch Women's Rights Division and the
LGBT Rights Program, Gender PAC and Power PAC.
In true lesbian philanthropic fashion, the couple met at
Creating Change, the annual conference of the National Gay
and Lesbian Task Force, in 1990 in Minneapolis.
"But we didn't fall in love for a few more years;' says Dor£
"I was smitten and pursued her;' says Olson, laughing.
"I wasn't single at that point;' says Dor£ "I was married to
my work-and also somebody else. We became playmates
and good friends for the first few years:'
Their love eventually grew into marriage, multiple timesin San Francisco in 2004, thanks to Mayor Newsom, and the
following year in Vancouver, when Olson had an entry in the
international film festival there. But the couple mark their
anniversary on the date of the private commitment ceremony
they had in the Grand Canyon "with a few squirrels around;'
says Olson.
Even with their professional achievements, Olson and Dorf
count their relationship and raising their girls, Hazel and
Sylvie, as their biggest accomplishment, adding that much of
their parenting is based on the Jewish values of charity and
helping others.
"Relationships are really hard. The simple fact of being
_together for 15 years, helping each other and supporting each
other to become our best selves, and the growing and the
changing that we do in the context of our relationship and
our family is something I'm proud of;' says Dor£
"Oh man, you can picture me getting teary~eyed over
here;' says Olson. "That is the real meaningful work of my
life... that we re very different from each other and we grow
together like crazy:'
"Our children are pretty great too;' adds Dor£ ■
ThoughNewOrleansis relatively
gay-friendly,adoptingas a samesexcoupleanywherein Louisiana
canbe a realchallenge.Understate
law,straightcouplesandsingle
peoplecanadopt,but gayand
lesbiancouplesare preventedfrom
adoptingjointly.So,onepartner
will haveno legalparentalrights.
Which,as youcan imagine,is a
considerable
roadblockwhentrying
to start a family.
NewOrleanians
EcoeeRooney
andMelodyPritchardhavebeen
togetherfor 15years.Perhaps
becausebothof themareonly
children,theylongedto start a
family."I canrememberus lyingin
bedat nightandtherewasthat little
spacebetweenus,andwe would
alwayssay... 'our babywill fit right
here,'" saysPritchard.
Rooney,
whoworksas a director
of educationandstaff development
at LSUPublicHospital,sayspursuing
all their optionsof adoptionwas
essential."It's notan easyroad,"she
says."Fromthe beginning,whenwe
werelookingat our options,there
werea lot of slammeddoorsand
closeddoorsandpathswe couldn't
evengo down."
RightafterHurricaneKatrina,
thetwo startedcontactingadoption
agencies.However,
the processwas
disturbing."It waslike youwere
orderingsomething,"
saysRooney.
"It costthis muchfor whitefemales,
this muchfor whitemales.White
femaleswereat the top of the
pricelist-black maleswereat the
bottom... Weweredisturbedbythe
wholeprocess."
Thecouplewassurprisedto
find that their racewasalsoa
roadblockto adoption."Wewere
hopingto adoptanAfricanAmerican
or a Hispanicbaby.It didn't matter
to us,we just wanteda baby,"
saysPritchard,whoworksas a
supported-living
facilitatorfor
Volunteers
of America."Wehadan
agencytell us we can't because[we
were]two whitewomenlivingin
NewOrleans-plusbeinglesbians...
Theysaid,'Noway,absolutelynot.'"
Thetwo womencameacross
thesehurdlesdespitethe fact that
theyhadservedas a receiving
homefor around20 babiesawaiting
adoptionoverthe years,as part
of a localmaternityandadoption
program."Weweregoodenoughto
dothat,butwe weren'tgoodenough
to adoptbecauseof the statelaws,"
saysPritchard.
Andtheneventstook an
unexpected
turn-the two
happenedto run into a nursing
schoolcontactthey hadn'tseen
in years.Shetold themshewas
lookingfor a homefor her nephew.
Theyhireda privatelawyerand
Jude(whowas borntwo months
premature)
-entered
their lives.
Harddecisionshadto be made,
suchas whowasgoingto do
the adopting."Wethoughtabout
movinga lot... goingto placeslike
Love in NOLA continued on page 62
enew
f am1·1
Jackie Strano and Shar Rednour movedfrom producinglesbian
pornto raisingqueer kids. By Lori Selke
ackie Strano and Shar Rednour are probably most
famous as the butch,femme power couple behind
S.I.R. Video Productions, the landmark lesbian porn
company founded in the late '90s. In releases such as
Hard Love & How to Fuck in High Heels and Sugar
High Glitter City, Rednour and Strano (above right)
showcased authentic butch,femme action, with heaping
helpings of strap,ons, queer high camp style and hot, rough
sex. Many of their releases co,starred themselves, and the
productions earned high acclaim. A collection of awards
accumulated on their mantelpiece.
The production company went on hiatus in 2004 after
the release of Healing Sex, a different kind of movie-a non,
explicit video on how to achieve intimacy and pursue pleasure
after abuse and trauma-co,produced with somatic therapist
Staci Haines. After that, the pair took a break and went
"underground" -to adopt children and raise a family. A passel
of three boys, to be specific: One 4,year,old, one 5,year,old,
both of whom came to the couple as babies, and one out
teenage drag queen.
Rednour and Strano have been together for 17 years and
counting, and they've always been on the cutting edge. In 1996,
they were wed in a ceremony held in the back room of the
dyke,owned Black and Blue Tattoo in San Francisco, where
they received matching wedding,band tattoos on their fingers.
44
I curve
"We called it our Fierce Queer Love Union;' recalls Rednour.
"Instead of being traditional, it was turning tradition on its head:'
S.I.R. Video was founded shortly thereafter. Rednour had
solid film,production chops from her years working for Fatale
Video, the offshoot of the infamous lesbian porn magazine On
Our Backs. The closure of the two companies left a certain void
in the queer community. So Strano and Rednour filled it with
a surefire winner: A how,to video for male anal pleasure and
strap,on sex called Bend Over Boyfriend.
To finance their first release, S.I.R. Video collaborated with
Nan Kinney of Fatale and Joani Blank, the founder of Good
Vibrations, Strano went to work for Internet search company
Ask Jeeves during the dot,com boom, cashed in her stock
options, and invested her earnings in a new company.
"We picked Bend Over Boyfriend because we knew that we
could make our money back;' says Rednour. "Get the capital
going first, pay off the investors and then start our company;'
Strano adds. They used the profits to launch their dyke,
centric titles.
"We made what we like to see:• says Rednour. "We actually
had no clue as to whether we'd even make five dollars:' As it
turned out, the dyke movies were a solid success, winning
one AVN award, the Oscars of the porn industry-and were
nominated for several more.
After seven. successful releases, however-not to mention
the publication of Rednour's ultimate how-to guide for all
things femme, The Femme'sGuide to the Universe,the couple
were ready for a break.
"It was a conscious choice;' says Strano. "We'd come off 10
years of hardcore production-touring-performing modemovies, and my band The Hail Marys (heard on the soundtrack of Bound], and books. We were just crazed, and I said
that if we were going to have babies I needed some quiet for
a little while:'
After taking a year off to live in the woods of Boulder Creek,
Cal{£, the couple relocated to Santa Cruz, where Strano took
a nine-to-five job and they began their family through fosteradoption. They came back to the San Francisco Bay Area
when they moved to Oakland just a handful of years later and
adopted their third child-a teenage foster son.
"He's a queen;' they say together, a fierce gay queen who
likes to steal Rednour's jewelry and stockings and had a
vogue-off for his 17th birthday party. Since their foster son
has come to live with them, the couple have become dedicated
activists, encouraging everyone who can to foster queer teens
themselves.
"Everybody needs to bring home a queer teen and take care
of our own people. That's our message;' says Strano. Rednour
underlines how accessible to queer parents the foster care
system really is: "You don't have to have a partner, you don't
have to have a lot of money at all, you just have to prove you'r~
Sex
sane and stable, and get fingerprinted and go through some
training, but it's lifesaving:'
How do you balance being a "big underground queer" with
being a mom? "You don't;' says Rednour. "I don't think there
is a balance:' Strano explains, "It's called spinning plates. You
take a break and then pick up another:'
Parenthood has certainly left its mark on Rednour and
Strano's lives-and furniture. "Sometimes I look at our bed;'
admits Rednour, "and there's two gigantic boys, Jackie and a
pee puddle ... and I'm, like, I literally can't fit in our California
king-size bed that used to have orgies with six people on it!"
"Did you think, 17 years ago, when we met-"
'J\.t a sex club!" Rednour rushes to add.
"Feet in our face;' Strano muses.
But this butch-femme power couple still have plenty of
plans up their sleeve. Rednour looks forward to more books
and possibly a documentary film about the first wave of
lesbian pornographers. And Strano has resurfaced with a
bang-she's been appointed the COO of the legendary femi:
nist sex company Good Vibrations.
"I feel, at 44, I've finally found a job that I really, really love;'
Strano says. She also has a new band that's gearing up to play
regular gigs in the Bay Area. And the pair haven't ruled out
the possibility of making more movies.
"It's going to be a while, we'll get some funding going, but I
want to get some more stuff out;' says Strano.
ips Eo Dyke ea ents ______
++
_....,__--1
Whenit cameto jugglingparentingandtheirsex life,"wehad lotsof issues,"admitsSharRednour.
Yes,evendykepornparagooscan havetroublereconciling
the demandsof parentingwiththe desireto
maintainan activesex life.JackieStranoadds,"I don'twantto comeoffas, like,oh, thisis how youdo
it, and we'regreat,everything's
perfect.""Morelikedesperate,"
jokesRednour.So,
herearetheirbattle-tested
tipson howto get it on duringthe chaosof parenthood.
1. Get a Reem. •'The
first thingI wouldsay If I
readthat in an article
'Well I'm glad for them,
they can affortla hotel.'
Iii
...J
::)
w
>w
z
cr:
w
:r:
Forthe record,actuaffYi
we can't. But a divorce
is a lot moreexpensb(e.
Get onllne,get your$80
specialon Priceline,"says
Rednour.The pair point
out that rentinga hotel
or motel room,evenfor•
few hours,getsyou out
of yourd~hOme
environmentand intoa
moreleisuntlyframeof
mind.Takea ~
a magazine,talk to
other...and then.,_...., -•,
a. Not Tut. "I waswitha
groupof straight women
the otherday, and they
were reallyjealousbecause
of you sending me hot text
malls, Rednourtells her
par:tner."So of courseI had
to showoff. I went backand
readthem to them.II
parenthOOd:
•Therewffl
be snoton ue,and she's
runningto the bathroom
and gettingready for work
and leavingme In five
minutes.But that kindof
stuffreallymatters.
a. Talk.,__.,,_
kidsare
ft
N
lt'a All 'IIIIL, -a.oakat
each otherand tell each
othersexy stuff,even if
you c:an'tdo an)'thing
~ it,"saysRednourIt's a smalldally way to
~ and reinfo,oe
~ even underthe
trying circumstances
of
ft
a. Cableon Denland.
4. Prteilllae. ~.
all you're up
makeout
Just
in the
Othertimes
up times: ..,
menu,not ~th
let's go!"
appetiz-►
Stnlnot!!chllln'tnle
..
foreplay
.
-Novw
that we don't allow
finl in the house...we use
Mldnl_ght
Love on Comcast
on ~cl.
The TV acts
e lightingsituationas
well as our music,11 says
ednour."I used to have
60 pandlesaroundour
Caflfomlaking-sizebed,
"••w1u11A1111t.l,like,jU9t tum
llldnltlht
Love andao
me!"!lAllt
Selke)
~
(.)
April 2010 j 45
Two lesbian moms
talk about living in
conservative America.
By Jenny Lovell
ake a stroll down the streets of San Francisco, New
York or Seattle these days and you will see families
of all shapes and sizes. But what about the countless
lesbian mothers who live outside of the more liberalleaning coastal regions? What goes on in small towns
in Wisconsin, Mississippi and Idaho? Lesbian couples are
making families work, even if the social networks they rely
on-their
schools, churches and local communities-are
against them.
Happy in
Mobile:
Kimberly
McKeand
(right), Cari
Searcy and
their son,
Khaya
46
Icurve
StuckBetweena Rockanda Hardcase
Lucy lives in Alabama and has no legal right to her daughter.
She is not openly gay because "it is hard enough being a
woman, much less gay.To be openly gay or gay with children
would be horrible:'
Lucy (not her real name) met her life partner in 1992. The
two were on opposite ends of the social spectrum. Lucy was an
out lesbian, while her partner, who we'll call Jane, came from
an upper-class religious family."Her surname is well known
and respected in the community, so we had struggles from the
start:' Lucy was known as "the roommate'' when Jane's family
came to visit, and the two were never an out couple.
After being in a relationship for 10 years, they decided to
start a family but they quickly found out that adoption would
be difficult."Most adoption agencies, and all in South Alabama
at the time, were run by religious organizations and usually
backed by the prominent churches. So, we debated whether
to lie or not, but we didn't want to go into this based on
deception;' Lucy explains.
The couple then tried a reproductive specialist, only to be
brutally rebuffed once more. "The doctor informed us that he
would not do any procedure that would help us conceive a
baby. He noted that, while he was bound by his profession to
help, he hoped we understood that he could not, based on his
religious beliefs;' Lucy says."We were crushed:'
Lucy and Jane finally found a family that was looking for
a good home for their soon-to-be-born baby girl. "We were
shocked, excited, grateful and worried;' says Lucy. But, after
Jane struggled to adopt the baby, they did not want to try for a
second-parent adoption.
Over time, Jane and Lucy's relationship deteriorated. "The
stress and social stigma in Alabama of an adoption by a 'single
woman' who has been living with another woman for 15 years,
followed by the pressure, questions, accusations and threats of
eternal damnation took its toll;' Lucy explains.'The conservative
nature of this area has reduced my public role in my daughter's
life to that of a babysitter. I cannot be involved in any medical
emergencies that may arise or educational decisions that need
to be made. I have no legal rights to our baby and rely solely on
the kindness of my ex-girlfriend:'
A passion for her 3-year-old daughter keeps Lucy from
giving up. "I would give up everything I have worked for,
except for my daughter. In a more liberal environment, I could
"I would give up everything I
have worked for, except for
my daughter. In a more liberal
environment, I could breathe for
the first time. But, since my ex
has legal rights to her and will not
leave the state, I am here to stay."
breathe for the first time. But, since my ex has legal rights to
her and will not leave the state, I am here to stay:'
FamilyMatters
Cari Searcy and Kimberly McKeand met in college at Stephen
F.Austin State University, in Nacogdoches, Texas. They have
been together for 11 years and have an adorable 4-year-old son
named Khaya, who McKeand carried. Both women are from
the South, so they decided to settle in Mobile, Ala. after graduation. They say they thought about Atlanta and Chicago, "but
we had family in Mobile, why move to a big city?"The political
disposition of the city did not dissuade Searcy and McKeand
from moving to Mobile because the individuals who made up
their community were so supportive.
Although making the decision to settle was easy, the two
admit that· being a lesbian couple with a child has not been
seamless. Conceiving was easy for McKeand, but Khaya was
born with a dysfunctional heart and had to have surgery within
months. The open-heart procedure left Khaya with a tough
recovery,requiring a feeding tube and intensive home care.
"I had never missed a doctor's appointment;' Searcy recalls.
"I was the other parent, so I asked the nurses to teach me how
to change his feeding tube and take care of him. They asked
me if I had the papers to prove it. Then one of the nurses
started walking over to the phone and said something about
calling a social worker. Kim and I realized that we needed to
be prepared the next time this happened:'
Searcy filed for second-parent adoption, which the judge
rejected because Alabama does not recognize same-sex
marriage. Just as it was in Lucy's case, the decision was up to
a singlejudge. The couple was not seeking recognition of their
commitment. Searcy simply wanted the right to be a parent
to her child, but the court denied her legal petition to adopt
Khaya. "I have no rights;• she states with indignation.
Their lawyer advised Searcy and McKeand to get married
in another state, so that the Alabama judge could not deny
them again without making the case a federal issue. If Alabama
refused to recognize a marriage from another state, the couple
could take the issue to a federal court. Searcy and McKeand
were married in California in 2008, but then Prop. 8 passed
in California, overturning the legal right to marry and putting
their case on hold, at least temporarily.
The two say they live without hiding their relationship
because Mobile is their home and they have a supportive network of gay and straight friends. They even explained their relari' tionship to Khaya's Baptist preschool before he enrolled. The
~
8 school was very welcoming during the two years he attended.
~ -Although traditional, Khaya's grandparents became increas~ ingly comfortable"after they saw us interacting as a family unit;'
g:i Searcy says. "For the first time, my mom wasn't thinking
~ about my sex life. We were just a family:•
0
~
Although prejudice in the south makes family life more
()
ffi complicated, these women are forging a future for the next
~ generation of married-with-children lesbians. In Lucy's
a:
~ words,"! wouldn't change a thing for the chance to have the
()
i-: love of our baby:' ■
Award-winning
film A VeryLong
Engagement
is a documentary
that
followsa lesbiancoupleontheir
missionto marrylegallywhenone
is givena yearto live.EastCoast
filmmakersandlife partnersSusan
MuskaandGretaOlafsd6ttir,
producers/
directorsof TheBrandonTeena
Story,
document
thecouples'44-yearlove
storythatspansa crucialperiodin
LGBThistoryin theirvisuallystunning
andbittersweetmust-seefilm.
HowdidyoufindoutaboutEdie
andThea?
MUSKA:
Theyhadcontactedourfriend
abouthelpingthemgo upto Torontoto
getmarried,because
Theahadbeen
givenapproximately
a yearto liveby
herdoctors.Togetmarriedwastheir
mosturgentneed,wantanddesire.
WhenJOUbeganshootingIn 2007,
didJOUknowhowwell timedJOW'
film wouldbe?
MUSKA:
We'rereallyhappyabout
that.... Prop.8 andwhathappened
in California
... emphasized
thatthere
wasanurgencyto getthestoryout...
therewasalreadyan urgency[for
us]becauseofThea'shealth.It was
importantto spreadthewordof what
equalmarriagerightsareandwhoit
affects.Howcanyousaythosepeople
don'tdeserveequalrights?
Thea'sconditiondidn't saemto
changetheirralatlonshlp.
0LAFS0OmR:
That'soneof the
amazingthingsaboutthem.Thefirst
signof MSwasat aboutage42,but
theydidn'tknowwhatit was.
MUSKA:
It wasn'tdiagnosed
until
shewas45.Theybothmaintained
anequalityin theirrelationship.
Theystroveto maintainthat,andit's
probably
whatkeptthesparkof their
relationship
going.
It's lntarestlng
howunlnblbllad
lheJare,eventaldng aboutsax.
MUSKA:
I thinkthatsayssomething
aboutEdieandThea.Theywerevery
frankandspokevery
honestlyandtalked
aboutthings
that probablyeveryone
wouldbea
lot betteroff if theyweremoreopen
about.
11lesHdesof tlan In Ille '60s and
'70s arelll8llla1zlng.
0LAFSDOmR:
They'reunbelievable
dressers.
MUSKA:
Andattractive.
0LAFSD0mR:
Ohmygosh,yeah.
Totallysexyandbeautiful.
HowIs Ediedoing?
MUSKA:
She'scomewith us to a lot
of festivals.Shecameto Frameline,
the film's debut,andalsoher 80th
birthday.
0LAFSDOmR:
Peoplewerecomingup
to heronthestreet,[andasking]"Can
I giveyoua hug?"It wasamazing.
She'salsoa greatspokesperson,
so
the planis,shewill goasmuchas
possiblewith us.Wehopethis is a
newchapter.
What'snextfor BlessBless
Producllons?
0LAFSDOmR:
Wehavea big project
pntheworks],but really
we wantto supportthis
film andcontributeto
thedialogue.I don't
knowhowlongAmerica
is goingto bebackin
the MiddleAgeswhenit
comesto gaymarriage.
[LaurieK.Schenden]
April 2010
I47
Trans couples speak about love
and the special bonds they've
forged through overcoming
adversity. By Katrina Fox
+
Couples in love: (1)
Marty Diaz (right)
and Sonya Bolus, (2)
Katrina Fox {right)
and Tracie O'Keefe,
(3) Susan Stryker (left)
and Kim Klausner, (4)
Erica Zander (right)
and Katarina Mason,
(5) Tina Roberts {right)
and Jess Roberts
48
Icurve
hen I met my partner, Tracie O'Keefe, 18 years
ago, I was in seventh heaven. Here was a self
assured, intelligent, glamorous woman with
amazing cheekbones and a sense of camp to
match my own. I had finally found my own personal Joan
Collins. When a friend insisted that Tracie had "had a sex
change" and was "born a man;' I couldn't give two hoots. She
was still the gorgeous, sultry goddess I had fallen for and her
"history" made no difference to how I felt about her.
Over the years, our love blossomed as we opened each
others' eyes and hearts. She introduced me to the concept of
gender diversity, and I converted her from a bisexual carnivore
to a lesbian vegan. It's been an amazing journey.
Erica Zander, a 56~year~oldtrans lesbian from Sweden, and
her partner, Katarina Matson, 46, are at the start of their journey,
having been together just 18 months. "I found this club for
slightly older women, looked at the photos from their
parties on their website and was totally transfixed by this
blonde with a lovely smile;' Zander says. "When I eventually
visited the club, she was there but I didn't dare speak to her. I
didn't feel all that sure about my standing as a woman in the
lesbian community:'
Zander's initial fear of being shunned by the lesbian
community is familar to many trans women. There are still
pockets of separatists who refuse to accept trans women as
women, accusing them of "violating'' women's space if they
come to a lesbian event. Tracie and I have experienced it, as
have San Francisco~based trans historian Susan Stryker, 48,
and her partner Kim Klausner, 55.
''I've lost a number of friends because of their prejudice;'
says Klausner. "Some didn't want to change. Others were a bit
more open~rninded and were willing to engage in dialogue, but
it left a bad taste in my mouth and I was never as close with
them after tha,t:'
~
~
0
i
i;,
~
~
w
5i
~
ffi
~
&
~
0
~
~
~
~z
;
~
tii:
~
<(
~
i
UJ
c3
~
co
~
B
a:
~
~
~
~
It's a testament to their love and r~silience that couples in
this situation are able to withstand the slings and arrows that
seem tobe coming at them from all directions, especially when
the rejections and insults come from the queer community.
Cha-Cha-Changes
Women in relationships with trans partners can also experience
grie£ loss and even betrayal, without a support system of their
own-as Californian Sonya Bolus, 38, found out when her
partner, Marty Diaz, 45, transitioned to male.
"I knew that my partner identified as a transgendered
butch;' she says. "He already used male pronouns except
when he was around his family. When I first met him, he
was certain he would not transition. He had decided that it
would be too hard on his family and it was not in line with his
woman-centered spiritual beliefs:'
So when Diaz did decide to transition, it had a big
impact on the couple's relationship. "It can be hard watching
him change so dramatically;' Bolus says. "Intellectually,
I'm comfortable and knowledgeable about trans issues, but
when it is happening on a personal level I am just like anybody
else: I fall apart emotionally. I miss being with Marty the way
he used to be ... the female-bodied Marty. He had smooth
skin and a softness about him that isn't there anymore. He
smells different. He has a lot of body hair. His curves are
gone. I know these are superficial things, but they are
also very intimate things, and when those intimate things
change abruptly, it is very disorienting:'
As Bolus notes, there is no room for socially sanctioned
grief or loss in these situations. ''As the partner of someone
who's transitioning, you are supposed to be excited and happy
about everything," she says. "The trans guy is so thrilled with
the changes that are happening, and, in many ways, so are you.
But you are also losing something that you don't want to lose.
And it is very sudden, so there is not enough time to process
it while it's happening:'
In addition to these often-painful emotions, a partner's
transition can also result in an identity crisis for the nontrans person. "I often feel-abruptly and painfully-that
I am the wife in a heterosexual relationship, something I
did not bargain for as a queer-identified person;' says Bolus.
"Sometimes it is challenging to accept all the implications of
spending the rest of my life with a man. I have also felt_some
pain when I have gone out into the world with Marty and we
haven't been recognized as queer, either by other gay or lesbian
folks or even by straight people. I like being queer and visible
and I miss that:'
Tina Roberts, a 36-year-old New Yorker who has been
with her husband, Jess, 30, for five years, found herself going
through emotions similar to Bolus. Only a few months ago,Jess
began his transition to male, throwing Roberts into a state of
panic. "When I found out, I felt like my life bottomed our;' she
admits. "Up until a few months ago I was a femme lesbian. Now
Love Is a Many Gendered Thing continued on page 63
ily
One lesbiantellsthe tale of creating
a cross-~ultural family that includes
a teen mom and her triplets.
By Katrina Fox
thatar(?se
because
youwerea lesbian
hen Elizabeth K. Gordon opened her door to a Werethereproblems
Whatwasthereactionof yourfriendsandfamily,and
15-year-old homeless pregnant girl whom she couple?
arol!ndyou?
had befriended, she had no way of knowing .thecommunity
As a lesbian couple, we were already off the grid, so merging
how much her life was about to change. Her
book, Walk With Us, details how she and her partner Kaki, with Muslim teen parents and their triplet newborns was a
who are white lesbian Quakers, reached out to Tahija, an stretch, but not an impossibly long one. Maybe dykes are
African American Muslim, who soon became the mother
better than most at thinking out of the box.
As for our families' reactions, Kaki's mother was great. She
of triplet boys. Gordon provides a unique account of the
pregnancy and birth as well as the complexities of racism, visited and quickly befriended Tahija. My mother, had she been
cultural differences and socioeconomic injustice that she living, would have been great, too. Others either shunned us for
being gay or were afraid to visit us because they equated black
encountered along the way.
and brown faces with a "bad" neighborhood. Usually, if people
WereyouandKakiUlinking
abouthaving
children
9fyourownwhen met the triplets and were willing to open their hearts just a little,
Tahija
andherboyfriend,
Lamarr,
showed
uponyourdoorstep?
the boys would push the door open the rest of the way.
No, we weren't. We'd only been living together a month,
Our i;ieighbors were intrigued. Triplet babies, after all, are
and dating for about a year. Kaki always wanted a daughter
an amazing and beautiful thing. Me pushing them through the
and feels that, in some ways, Tahija became that daughter.
park, or Kaki and me playing with them on a blanket, went
I was satisfied with my nine nieces and nephews.
some way toward defusing homophobia.
Didthe decisionto becomeTahija'slegalguardianfeel natural Howhaswritingthisstoryaffectedyourrelationship
withTahija
to you?Wasthisa bigstepfor youas a couple?
andLamarr?
Howhasit affectedyourrelationship
withyour
It was a big step. Standing before a judge, saying"yes" and"yes" partner,
Kaki?
to a series of questions, felt to us like a marriage-like commitWriting the story deepened my relationship with Tahija
ment. I think at some level we felt, back then, that we had to and Lamarr. Lamarr called me late one night after he read it
earn the right to be recognized and respected as a couple. Isn't straight through. He didn't realize, he said, how maternal I felt
that a shame? And it was natural because, by then, we had been toward the boys. Our relationships now-me and Kaki with
acting as parents for months. It's what Tahija wanted, because the parents, as a couple, and each of us as individuals with each
other-are better than they have ever been. Kaki and I wish we
it helped her keep the boys out of the foster care system.
Youbecametheboys'maincaregiver.
Whatwasit likecaring
had more time with the triplets, and more say in their lives.
We've come out to the triplets, who are 11 now. I think
fortriplets?
When Tahija was ready it's complicated their lives at school, because now they have
to go back to school after to confront homophobia and deal with the consequences, or
the births, I was the only fail to confront it and deal with how that feels. I can relate,
one she trusted enough because, loving them as I do, I have to be an anti-racism activist.
to watch the boys. I had I don't want to deal with how it feels to be otherwise.
racismyousawinthetriplets'
already been helping Youtalkabouttheinternalized
family.Howhasthataffectedthetriplets?
with them some and parentsandextended
had grown attached. I Much has been written about internalized racism, and I'm not
an expert. I know more about internalized dominance and
jumped at the chance.
Caring for them was how to start to take responsibility for it and change it. I think
a wonder and a joy. internalized racism in the boys and their family manifests as
Thank goddess, Kaki a whole cluster of stresses, confusions, fears and doubts, and
these lead, over time, to stress and stress-related sickness.
had a [part-time] job
that let her work out W.E.B. Dubois' classic work The Souls of Black Folk is,
a:
of the house, so she unfortunately, still relevant.
UJ
I
was able to spell me. Howhasyourbookbeenreceived?
~
The main stress for When I give readings, I get laughter, sometimes tears. Walk ~
me was not the child- With Us stimulates memories of people's .own cross-cultural <e
~
relationships. People like to share their own stories, which ::!E
care piece but the differences that began to arise between
0
I
I[our] ideas about childcare and the parents:
is great. ■
50
Icurve
Sfaveyo~weddin,g
ca~e
cu1ueatit,
too
So, you've got wedding bells in your future. Let me be the
first to congratulate you and offer you and your partner best
wishes for a happy future together. Now it's time to get down
to business and start planning the actual event. There's a lot
of advice out there for straight couples, but hardly any advice
available for lesbians. Sticking to a budget is all the more
important for same-sex couples, since many of us cannot
count on our families to help pick up the tab. Y~u shouldn't
have to go into debt to celebrate your commitment. Most
couples spend an average of $17,000 on their wedding. But
my partner and I planned
ours for under $2,000.
Here's how you can, too.
1.~ fMweddwJ
~-
Wedding planners certainly
make putting together your
event more convenient. They
have a lot of experience and
How to plan your wedding
without going broke.
By Serena Freewomyn
contacts, which can sometimes get you a better deal. But their
fees are an added expense, pondyou and your partner may be
the best-qualified people to plan your big day. Shannon and
I integrated the wedding planning into our regular pizza
date. We'd meet every Friday to go over the checklists, then
snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie. Keep the lines
of communication open, write everything down and you
and your partner can plan the wedding of your dreams. If
you think you might need more help, get friends and family
involved. People like having specific tasks. Just be sure to
check in regularly with everyone involved, so that you know
you're on track.
2. vU01tlto~
yoUll
e~.
There are all kinds of free
wedding budget worksheets available on the Internet, but all
you really need is an Excel spreadsheet. Decide how much
you want to spend on the wedding, the reception and the
honeymoon. Then keep track of everything by entering all
your receipts into your spreadsheet.
"J\Aost
coupQes
spend
anavewge
OD$17,000
ontheUt
wedding.
CWe
pfonned
OU]{S
DOh
undeh
$2,000."
s.CJ'tck
Oil llle~llle
lleltue.Shannon
and I exchanged our vows on the beach. The
reception was held in a public park, and the
gazebo rental was only $14. Many couples
celebrate in the backyard. Outside weddings
have the added benefit of free greenery, which
helps you spend less on decorations. If you
choose an outdoor location, you will need to
consult an almanac to see what the weather
is typically like on your wedding date. Hope
for sunshine, but plan for some rain. Have a
backup plan to avoid a major panic if it starts
to drizzle.
8. ~ a ~lmtdtakepllotoo.
Many
of us have friends who take great photos, so
why not enlist them to document your day?
They'll feel flattered that you trust them with
this responsibility. Try to meet with them at
least once before the big day to give them a
list of specific photos you want them to get
at the wedding.
9. Qeta lllJlfage
di\egg.
OK, we all know
that "vintage" is just a cute word for "used:'
But there's no shame in wearing a secondhand dress. I didn't even wear a "wedding''
dress for my special day. It was just a white
[ 4. ~ htOOllJlg
Oil~
kOOP.ptlM.sundress that I bought on Amazon, of all
Breakfast
and
lunch
buffets
are
cheaper
to
places. I spent $40 on the dress and $20
0
!!l.
to have it tailored by my dry cleaner. The
ill host than an evening reception. People tend
to eat less, and they don't drink as much as Internet is teeming with great resources for
. finding wedding apparel on the cheap.
§g they do at night.
a:
a
J
a:
!
~
it~
!
~
o0
~
~
6. CBettelt
get,gopotluck.
Shannon
and
I asked our guests to bring a side dish to the
reception in lieu of a gift. Everyone had a
great time and felt like they were making a
meaningful contribution by bringing something to eat. We provided catered BBQ
sandwiches, drinks and two cakes for less
than $500.
z
~
~
<(
6. CutbackOil tltea~co~. You could
:J
omit it altogether and save a big chunk of
change on your reception. If you don't want
c3
iii t? completely eschew the booze, consider
ill
~ using an expensive wine near the beginning
~ -of the reception and then switching to Two
CD Buck Chuck later in the evening. Your guests
fIT
~ will hardly notice after they've already begun
~ to wet their whistles.
e.
...J
~
~
~
(.)
~ 7. CBegou.t
OWllCOJ.Instead
of hiring
someone, why not make a party mix of all of
a:
z your favorite songs? Put the iPod on shuffle
~
~ for the night and that's all there is to it.
~
10. Coll91.<Wt
taklJlgYOUllMlleYIIIOOll
cfu.wtg
tlte°'t90000ll. Shannon and I took
a trip to Holland an entire month before our
commitment ceremony. The airplane tickets
were about $600 less in March than they
would have been in May. We got a great deal
on our hotel this way, too. You don't have to
take your honeymoon right after the reception
just because everyone else is doing it. To have
a fairy tale honeymoon for a fraction of the
cost, sign up for email alerts to get great deals
on airfare, hotels and rental cars, and be
flexible with your travel dates. ■
[a_
'!!i
"If you're going to
break the glass, make
absolutely sure one of you
leaves the stilettos at home
and wears the Doc Martens."
DISCOUNT
WEDDING
DRESSES
In additionto the usual
suspects(Amazon,
Craigslist,
eBay),checkout Bluefly.com,
BudgetBridalGowns.com
and
SellYourWeddingDress.com
for yourgownortux.Youcanalsobrowse
throughsecondhand
shopsor hit yardsales
to find a bargain.
DIVANNOUNCEMENTS
Siteslike Evita.com
allowyouto sendfree
electronicinvitationsandkeeptrack of
RSVPs
for you,andyoucanalsousethem
to updateyourguestsaboutanychanges
in venue,parkinginfo,etc.Createcustom
announcements
with a few keystrokes.
Uploada favoritephotoof youandyour
partner,designa layout,thenorderyour
cards.Manyo linecompaniesprovidethis
service,but Snapfish.com
is oneof the
mostbudget-friendly.
Youcanalsoprint
yourannouncements
at home.Usuallythe
computersoftwareis under$10andsome
of themevenincludethe paper.Visita craft
storeto pickupyourDIVsuppliesandhave
an invitepartyfor envelopestuffing.
WEDDING
RINGS
Weboughtour ringson Etsy.com.
Notonly
did we get uniquerings,we supporteda
small,noncommericial
artistlike fabuluster.
etsy.com(right).Justrememberthat
anythingcalleda "wedding
ring" is goingto be marked
up in price.Sokeepit simple
anddo a Googlesearchfor
"rings" instead.Thisis another
areawhereyoucouldlookat
secondhand
storesor try your
luckat a flea marketor a yardsale.
WEDDING
PLANNING
TOOLS
GayWeddings.com
or TwoBrides.com
canhelp
youfind gay-friendly
weddingvendors.
LEGAL
INFORMATION
Mostof us live in statesthat don'thonor
same-sexunions,so yo~'IIneedto takeextra
stepsto protectyourselves.
TheNational
Centerfor LesbianRightshaslots of helpful
informationfor lesbiancouples.Checkout
theirwebsiteat nclrights.org.
April 2010
I 53
Alternative wedding rings
by designers who care.
By Aislinn Clevenger
You're in a committed relationship. You're
ready to tie the knot. Your partner wants a
flashy diamond ring. Or, maybe she doesn't.
Or, maybe she does, but she wants it to be
eco,friendly and conflict,free. One thing is
for sure: Your union is unique, so it's only
natural that you want your ring to be just
as singular. You could make the ultimate
commitment and tattoo your d,edicationonto your ring fingeryour partner's name, perhaps, or your wedding date or a custom
design. A tattooed symbol of your devotion would definitely last
'til death do you part. But, if tattoos aren't for you, there are still
some truly stunning alternatives to main,
stream rings. Here are a few innovative
designers makingjewelry that will express
your love and commitment to your gal
without defaulting on your devotion to
eco and social consciousness.
1.~cQed
~IJlbowg
Jude Sharp is a full,service jeweler: A
lesbian designer who uses recycled
gold, platinum, silver and palladium
and conflict,free diamonds. Sharp's
partner of 10 years, Sylvia Weaver, runs
their Lancaster business. With over 30 years of experience,
Sharp has a collection of pride,centered commitment rings
that feature rainbow channels and gemstone triangles, but
she offers a wide range of designs, from the traditional to
the unusual. And, of course, creating custom,designed rings
for lesbian couples is a part of her work that Sharp especially
enjoys. ($200 and up, jasharp.com)
2. <.A~
6M
u(ctw(Ml
A native oflsrael, New York City,based Udi Behr is a high,end
jewelry designer committed to promoting peace and equality
through his Love and Pride brand. As a commitment to his
support of the LGBT community, he donates 10 percent of all
his Love and Pride sales to Lambda Legal to support same,sex
marriage rights. Behr's selection is extensive, featuring every,
@
en
:::E
<{
thing from traditional bridal sets and solitaires, to titanium
rings with rainbow grooves, to rings that elegantly highlight
female and lesbian symbols. After all, Love and Pride is
'Jewelry that makes a fashion and social statement;' according
to Behr. Not only are his rings created to reflect your personal
style and beliefs, but they also use guaranteed conflict,free
diamonds. ($75 and up, loveandpride.com)
:l
~
c3
~
~
o6
~
~
~
t;j
Cl
..J
s.9,teettlJtg
tilegoddess
''I've been making jewelry smce I first took high school
classes in 1974;' says Oregon,based designer Miehe Meizner.
Largely self,taught, she began selling gay and lesbian
symbols, labryses and custom jewelry in 1976 at festivals
and women's bookstores. Her next venture, Sumiche Jewelry,
~
it
z
<{
5
g
I
(/)
3
1z
i
"~ stJr.ive
toC/leate
1ewe~y
thatenhances
a woman's
tllueandnab11taQ
beauty
whiQe
fte~ecting
thehnKmony
o~OUfteaftth
inbaQance."
- ~obycpomeftoy
with her then partner, Susan Onaclea, lasted 20 years. 'Tm
proud to say we were one of the first jewelers to begin using
100 percent sustainably mined gold and platinum in all our
work;' she explains. Today, Meizner continues the green
tradition at her new company, Shining Light Jewelry, using
100 percent recycled metals and conflict,free diamonds, and
sourcing fair,trade gemstones when possible. ($95 and up,
shininglightjewelry.com)
4. ~fow gjOUJt
9.ttultlOft
For distinctive rings that are centered on hand,picked healing
gems, turn to Chapel Hill, N.C.,based designer Nadine Zenobi.
A lesbian jeweler who has worked in the women's community
for 28 years, Zenobi honors the ability of stones to heal the
body, mind and spirit. "I really want to share my work with our
women's community, as it is very special in terms of power and
healing, and many women sense this;' she says.Creating intuitive
jewelry since 1982, Zenobi has studied with the renowned Hopi
silversmith Michael Kabotie, from whom she learned the rare
art of the shadow box technique (using multiple layers of metal
to create a hollow "box" form), which make her creations truly
one,ofo,kind. ($85 and up, skyriversjewelry.com)
7. 9le ~em 9\wug~
tiletfteoo
5. ~~ °"d<t?oody
Jewelers Jessica and BrentWilliams know the term "making
your mark:' ~ith their original taxe on custom jewelry, these
metalsmiths make engraving ancient history. Their hand,
crafted, individualized fingerprint rings include an impression
kit to capture your sweetie's prints and yours, whichare used
to cast wax molds to make perfectly personalized ~ sakes.
The rings can be made in a variety of designs and met:USand
are available in wedding sets. What a way to let her know at
she is one in a million. ($45 and up, fabuluster.etsy.com) ■
Additional
researchbyBrianaHernandez
andHeatherRobinson
"I want my work to be worn, no matter what;' says New York
City,based designer Sarah Perlis, "Hiking in the mountains,
riding the subway or dressing up:' For over 10 years, Perlis,
who trained at the Jewelry Arts Institute, has melted and
milled her own recycled gold to create pieces that are inspired
by their own organic raw materials, giving them a timeless
quality. Plus, her latest collection, In the Rough, uses respon,
sibly mined diamonds from Sierra Leone, and keeps the
stones in their rough, uncut form. These unique diamonds are
sourced from a company that reinvests in the community, pays
living wages to its unionized miners and rehabilitates the land.
($500 and up, sarahperlis.com)
If precious metals don't do it for you, take a look at Simply
Wood Rings. Educated at the Art Institute of Chicago,
designer Gustav Reyes crafts his rings from repurposed
wood and materials like antique furniture, salvaged lumber,
reclaimed diamonds-even the ivory from broken piano keys.
Reyes allows the defining characteristics of the materials he
uses to be the greatest strengrh of the work. Plus, according
to Reyes, "They are created in a way that allows the grain to
run around the ring 1 maintaining the structural integrity of
each piece of wood:' ($185 and up, simplywoodrings.com)
8. u.\~g
9'.tpt009ll>ll
6. ~fJlg a CBOlld
Growing up in the Himalayan foothills of India instilled
Toby Pomeroy with "a passion for the earth and the people in
it:' Now based out of Corvallis, Ore., Pomeroy was the first
jewelry designer to get the nation's largest gold refiner and
supplier, Hoover and Strong, to provide him with recycled
gold and silver. With over 30 years of experience, Pomeroy
says, "I strive to create jewelry that enhances a woman's true
:.:
and natural beauty while reflecting the harmony of our earth
(.)
~ in balance:' His rings, created using ancient forging tech,
~ niques, will last 2,000 years with proper care-now that's a
~ commitment. ($250 and up, tobypomeroy.com)
()
5
I
For20 moreweddingtipsfrom
the Curvettesvisit
REVIEWSMusic Watch
QueersWith Attitude
These West Coast bands bring it. By Margaret Coble
TheSea,CorrineBailey
Rae(CapitolRecords):
It doesn'tmatterif Raeis
straightor gayor bi,because
hermusic-especiallythis
newalbum-is sorawand
bruisedandanguished
there
arefewwomenalivewho
can'tfindsomething
onthe
CDthatresonates.
Bynow
you'veseenheron Ellenor
SNLandheardall aboutRae's
trajectory:
Breakout
No.1 hit,
Grammy
winner,husband
died
of overdose,
Raedisappeared
fromrecording
for twoyears.
Everybit of that painful
transitionseemsmolded
intothelyricshere,fromthe
sweeping
firstsingle,"I'd DoIt
AllAgain"to thehaunting"Are
YouHere."It's nosurprisethat
folksarealreadycallingthis
oneof 201O'sbestalbums.
TheSeais sosaturated
in
emotionthatit feelsa bit like
intrudingto listento a fewof
thetracks.Nodoubtthose
areamongherfinest.(capitol
records.com)
[DAM]
56
Icurve
Katastrophe, Shitting Glitter and Saucy Monky
don't really share a lot in common, musically, but
they all have fun names, are from California and are
definitely QW.A. (queers with attitude). Whether
it's jungle-infused hip-hop, quirky electro-pop or
melodic rock, these indie artists are throwin' down.
Well-produced, heartfelt and
TheWorstAmazing,
Katastrophe
(307Knox):"Wow" is
the first word that comes to mind to describe this
third full-length album from San Francisco trans
rapper Rocco Kayiatos, akaKatastrophe. I've followed
his career since his Out Music Award-winning debut,
Let's Fuck, Then Talk About My Problems, back in
2004, and this third set really shows the maturation
of his sound. From the easy-going opener, "Til It's
Gone;' to harder-hitting cuts like "Year of the Dog"
and "Get Info;' Kayiatos spits words eloquently and
fiercely atop fresh but heavy beats. Cuts like "Tunnel
Vision;' "Raindown," "Left, Right, Okay" and several
others utilize the skittering drums and booming
distorted bass of the jungle and drum & bass genres,
while cuts like the electro-leaning "Big Deal" add
some tongue-in-cheek humor to the rap industry
cliche of self-aggrandizement with the lilting refrain
'Tm kind of a big deal:' There's even a mellow
moment, courtesy of "Sigh;' in which Kayiatos' words ~
soar smoothly over an acoustic guitar loop with a soft
5
melodic vocal hook. Representin' for the hometown 6
~
queers, Katastrophe is the real deal. (katastropherap.com)~
smart rock is hard to come by
these days, especially from outlesbians, so don't miss this one.
a:
0
<I:
Open For Business,Shitting Glitter (Decadrisco):~
Despite an ever-revolving door of band members, 8
this queerific West Hollywood group has managed
to carry on, fleshing out their previously, mostly ~
iti
electronic grooves with more live instrumentation, c,
~
resulting in a fuller glam-pop-rock sound on this third ~
full length release. Don't worry, though, their "angst ~
!
meets kitsch" moniker still fits, with their
mix of outspoken politics, irony, and campy
humor, particularly evident on cuts like the
tongue~in-cheek "Socially Activist:' "Milk
Money" takes on bashers and bullies with
dark synth fl.are,"The Collection" celebrates
dressing up and doing drag with more of an
old school synth feel, and"19th & Lexington"
is an electro-pop vignette about drag king
drama and politics. You might have to read
the liner notes to really catch all the lyrics,
but it's worth it_..:._thisband is deliciously
subversive party fun. (shittingglitter.com)
BetweenTheBars,SaucyMonky(Olivoil):If
you've managed to catch the recent dyke
film And Then Came Lola (on DVD from
Wolfe in May), you might recognize the
melodic indie rock of Cynthia Catania
and Annmarie Cullen, the lesbian core of
Los Angeles-based Saucy Monky. Their
current five-cut release contains one of
those soundtrack songs, "No One's Here
Anymore;' an aggressive rock anthem
tempered with soaring vocal harmonies,
well-placed guitar solos, and head-banging
beats. "Listening To Morrissey" is a downer
of a ditty that will make you want a stiff
drink, while "The Acrobat" is another classic
rock anthem and ';\ll The Things Ya Know"
is so catchy you'll find yourself humming it
after just one listen. A brash cover of The
Carpenters' "Superstar" rounds out the EP.
Well-produced, heartfelt and smart rock is
hard to come by these days, especially from
out-lesbians, so don't miss this one. New
full-length coming soon. (saucymonky.com) ■
z
~a:
~
6
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t)
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<t
~
0
a:
~
Q.
Shimmer
ffi RealLifeIs NoCool Unexpected
Closer
co
Pieta
Brown
Lindstrom
&
Angie
Stone
Camp
Out
a
belle
(Red
House
Records)
(Stax)
(self-released)
~ Christa
::>
::5 (Smalltown
Thedaughterof
Channeling
thegrief
Watchout,Tegan
W Supersound/Feedelity)
Midwestern
folk
from
her
father's
and
Sara,
there's
a
~
heroGregBrown
suddendeath,soul
newcutefemaleduo
~ A feastfor electrooffersa newDon
makingwavesonthe
divaStonedeliversa
~ lovers'ears!This
seven
~ 10-trackcollectionof gorgeousandstirring indiepop-rockscene. Was-produced
songdiscof strippedSanFranciscans
~ "structuredchaos"
twelve-cutalbumof
UJ
downfolk-bluesand
variedR&Bandsoul.
MaddyHanksand
~ fromNorway's
disco
alt-country.
"I Know
JackieLawmake
~ maestro,
temperedby Fromthefunkytitle
upbeat,lo-fitunesthat A Girl"and"Hey
Q.sultryfemalevocals, track,to the MaryJ.
Blige-styled
defiance aresureto warmlittle Joey"standout,with
~ is a decadentmix
vocals,simple
~ -of retrovideogame
of "I Don'tCare,"to the gayheartseverywhere. haunting
acousticguitarbacking
hip-hop "CarCrash"is the
~ blipsandbleeps,early techno-tinged
highlighthere,withits andlyricsthatpierce
~ Chicago
house,Giorgio glitzof "TellMe"and
sing-songmelodies, yoursoul,sounding
the poignantodeto
~ Moroder-style
disco,
somewhere
between
herfather,"Think
distortedguitarsand
\2.andmoreabstract
Lucinda
Williamsand
sweetlovelyrics,but
Sometimes,"
Stone
~ Kraftwerk-meets-Grace
UJ
co Jonesfare.(myspace. keepsthe listener
LorettaLynn.Gritty,
thewholealbumis
0
a:
sad
andbeautiful.
solid.
(myspace.coml
guessing-and
it
a.. comllindstromanda..
(pietabrown.
com)
campoutmusic)
works.(angiestone.com)
~ christabelle)
...J
...J
...J
Q+A
Billie Myers
Billie Myers remains
best known for her
debut album, Growing
Pains, and its single
"Kiss the Rain;' which
was a smash hit in
1998. Myers is still
making music and this past September
brought her long-aw:nted third album,
Tea & Sympathy, which she released on
her own label, Fruit Loop Records.
Howdoesit feelto beback?
It feels great-and nerve-wracking. I
was blessed with "Kiss the Rain:' [But]
a lot of people who liked that song have
no idea where I am now. I feel like I'm
really back at the beginning. Starting
from zero. But it's almost worse than
zero because it's zero with this shadow
of a one-hit wonder.
I lovethefacf hatit'ssohardto define
you-sexually,racially,evenmusically.
I'm the "bi" on all of it! [Laughs] This
was my problem with dealing with my
sexuality. I have gone out with men and
I have gone out with women. I knew if I
said I was gay and then four men came
forward, I would be Anne Heche'd into
tomorrow. And I certainly wasn't ever
going to say I was straight because that's
simply not true. On the other hand,
you've got [the term] "bisexual;' which
is basically like telling someone you've
got fleas. I wish that the gay community would stop trying to divide within
itself. Only as a group-and you're still
a minority as a group-will you outfox
the majority.
Oneof myfavoritetracksonGrowing
Pains
is "LadyJane."Whatwastheinspiration?
Lady Jane is a transvestite on Santa
Monica [Boulevard]. When I was going
to the gym at 6:30 in the morning, he'd
still be at the 7-Eleven, earning his
money. We got talking a few times and
this kid had a really difficult life. He ran
away, he was abused, he thought he was
coming to Hollywood to be a model and
an actor. All of that did not happen ....
I wanted to express the dreams that
diminished. [DaveSteinfeld]
April 2010
I 57
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Tacklin
Nonfiction to engage the heart and the mind. By Rachel Pepper .
A young woman and her mother offer an intimate
look at a family with eating disorders, and a new
collection of essays on gender has its finger on the
pulse of this expansive and expanding topic.
Hungry:A MotherandDaughterFightAnorexia,Sheila
and Lisa Himmel(BerkleyTrade):True, this is not
a lesbian title, but the subject of eating disorders
Tattooed
Lady,AmeliaKlem
reaches across the boundaries of sexuality, race and
Osterud(SpeckPress):
ethnicity. Eating disorders affect many women,
Today,
Oscarwinnerslike
Angelina
Joliearefamous yet the topic of eating disorders, which includes
fortheirbodyink,and anorexia, bulimia,_food restricting and binging and
lesbiansupermodel
Jenny purging, are still a taboo topic in the LGBT community.
Shimizuis asrenowned
for
There are few LGBT-specific books on this topic,
hergirl-straddling-a-wrench with the exception of recent titles, Looking Queer:
tattooasherrockingbody. Body Image and Identity in Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay,
Butoncewomenwithtattoos
and Transgender Communities, and Gary A. Grahl's
werefreakshowmaterial.
Tattoohistorian
AmeliaKlem memoir, Skinny Boy: A Young Man's Battle and
Osterud
offersupafascinating Triumph Over Anorexia.
So, who can readers turn to to learn more about
lookat thedaringwomen
whocovered
theirbodiesin
this devastating topic:>Hungry is a recently published
inkandtraveledthecountry memoir written by a mother and daughter team.
performing
nearlynudeat a
And it's not just any mother and daughter-this pair
timewhenit wasconsidered
includes a mom who's an award-winning food critic,
scandalous
to evenshow
and a daughter who changes from an enthusiastic
anankle.Gutsybroadslike
IreneWoodward
andNora eating companion to a secretive, troubled teenager
Hildebrandt
captivated
circus suffering from both anorexia and bulimia. The
audiences
withtheirinked irony of their situation is obviously not lost on the
bodies.Circusproducers Himmels, a family for whom food is both a passion
sometimes
promoted
the
and a profession. They also happen to live in the
performers
withracistfantasy San Francisco area, where sustenance is celebrated
talesof theirabduction
and
and there are more restaurants per capita than
forcedtattooingin thehands
of "savages,"
whichmade almost anywhere else in the world. Lisa's eating
tattooingintoa culturally disorder developed slowly, starting with a predisacceptable
substitute
for rape. position to stockiness (despite being involved in
Osterud's
lovinghistorical many sports), and a childhood drenched in food
memoirpaystributeto these and low self-esteem. Lisa's mom, Sheila, is accepting
womenwithamazing
vintage and nurturing, but like all parents, imperfect, and
photosandtextthatcombines
the frankness with which she admits her own faults
theirpersonal
narratives
along
withpassages
onfeminist is refreshing.
As her parents begin to realize the extent to
laborhistory,circuslifeand
theimpactthesetattooed which the eating disorders have become entrenched
ladiesmadeonmodern in Lisa's life, the family dynamics implode. The dual
neo-burlesque
performers. voices in the book differ on some important points,
(speckpress.com)
[DAM] including the availability of junk food in the house,
the misread cries for help, even the way Lisa looked
as a young teenager-her
mother says she was
"never fat;' but Lisa insists she was. 'Tm not sure
58
Icurve
what I weighed, but it didn't matter because I felt
far:• So began many years of over-exercising, skipping
meals, restricting foods, bulimia and an obsession
that consumed about 90 percent of her thoughts on
any given day.
As the family stumbles towards recovery, the
book winds down with mother and daughter (Lisa
is now in her early 20s) expressing hope for the
future. There may still be a bumpy road ahead, but
the mere fact of Lisa's survival, and the revelation that
healing is possible, will provide comfort for many
families on the same path. (us.penguingroup.com)
DoingGender
Diversity:
Readings
in
TheoryandReal-World
Experience,
editorsRebecca
F.PlanteandLisM.
Maurer(Westview
Press):Gender
is a big topic to tackle. But if any
new book on the subject were to 0
find a place for itself in the queer ffi
ae..a:,, ......
academic canon, Doing Gender
Diversity surely would be it. For one thing, the book's ~
editors, Rebecca Plante and Lis Maurer, are up to ~
date on the topic. Plante, ;n associate professor at ~
:'.:j
Ithaca College, has written or edited several books on ~
sexuality, and Maurer is the founding coordinator ~
of the Center for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and §
Transgender Education, Outreach, and Services at 8
•LIIW.MM"•
!
...J
K
ed~nfantasys
Ithaca College. Both are adept at bridging the
academic divide and dealing with real,world
applications of scholarly issues.
In this text, the editors have ass~mbled
a collection of essays that they hope will
demonstrate "the multiple ways in which
the universe of gender is socially, cultur,
ally and historically constructed:' The
book is divided into three main sections"The Basics of Gender;' "The Microcosm
of Gender: Individuals in Context;' and
"The Macrocosm of Gender: Institutions,
Structures, and Politics"-and then broken
down into subcategories such as "Rattling
the Cage: Social Change;' and "Constructing
the Gendered . Body:' A sampling of the
plethora of essays with intriguing titles that
include "Intimate Transitions: Transgender
Practices of Partnering and Parenting;' "His
and Hers: Gender and Garage Sales;' "Part
of the Package: Ideas of Masculinity Among
Male,Identified Transpeople;' '"Dude, You're
a -Fag': Adolescent Masculinity and the
Fag Discourse;' "The Effects of Images of
African American Women in Hip Hop;'
TheApprenticeship TheVeilofSorrow
CrystalMichalletofBigToeP
RiekoMatsuura,
trans. Romero
Publishing)
byMichaelEmmerich {P.O.
(Kodansha
International)
Aneeriechateau,
Aftera friend'ssuicide, a womanwitha
WithworksbyAudre
pastand
KazumiManowakesup haunted
Larde,AliceWalker,
whoonlycome
froma napto discover servants
DaisyZamoraand
otherfeministliterary herbigtoehasturned outat night-these
gothictropesaddto
leaders,
thiscollection intoa penis.After
joininga showfeaturing thechillingatmosphere
of poems,short
sexualabnormalities, in thisnovel.The
storiesandmemoirs
lesbianheroine,
Cecilia
feelingsbeginto stir
eloquently
explores
Natashia
Dupuin,is
siblinglove,adoration insideKazumi-and
summoned
to the
herbigtoe-that
andrivalry.Readit
chateauto transcribe
sheneverknew
withyoursisterand
a memoirfor the
existed.
Evenwitha
thetwoof youwill be
mysterious
Comtesse
thatmight
practicingyoursecret premise
Laurensa.
Intelling
seemperverse,
this
language
againand
novelis a surprisingly herstory,theelderly
arguingaboutthat
meditation womanrevealsa
shirtsheborrowed
and mainstream
secret.
onloveandfriendship. supernatural
neverreturned.
Ah,
(pdpublishing.
com)
com)
sisters!(parispress.org)(kodansha-intl.
[LisaGunther]
[Stephanie
Vernier]
[SarahC.Jimenez]
Strategies
for
Sisters:
AnAnthology
Successful
Ed.JanFreeman,
EmilyWojcikand
CareerChange
Bull
MarthaE.Mangelsdorf Deborah
(TenSpeedPress)
{ParisPress)
Mangelsdorf's
book
couldn'thavecome
at a bettertime,with
recordunemployment
affectingwomen
acrossthecountry.This
seasoned
business
journalistofferstips
onhowto change
yourcareerwhilestill
payingyourbillsand
howto explorenew
careersin low-risk
ways.Anengaging
readfor thosewho
haven'tyetaligned
theirprofessional
goals
withtheirpersonal
life.
(tenspeed.com)
[DAM]
and "The Death of David Reimer: A
Tale of Sex, Science, and Abuse:' Other
topics covered in the text are "ethnic
anorexia;' cheerleading, drag queens, the
"pregnant man" and the many intersections
of race, gender and culture that occur in
diverse communities. There is a generous
amount of material for and about the trans,
gender community, and many voices of people
of color.
Although this book is formatted like a
textbook, and its use will primarily be in
classrooms, it's also a current snapshot of
where the field of gender studies is these
days. As such, some snapshots are too closely
cropped, others are a bit blurry and still others
are satisfyingly finely focused.Even at more
than 500 pages, this collection still cannot
adequately cover every topic that fit under
the category of gender studies and diversity.
But kudos definitely are due to Maurer and
Plante for reaching broadly across the gender
spectrum and presenting as wide a range of
perspectives as possible, for both the academic
and causal reader alike. (perseusbooks.com)■
II DiscoverSex ~ll~
r;~f-
~~
t
~~{.
FunShopping
with Friends
•1/ •.Reviews: real opinions
_:(__
X
from real people
,,,,
Connect to toy
~JIil makers: Edenlink
Sexis magazine:
discover your own is
A!!J Speak up:
J11 forums and polls
Fun to follow:
EdenCafe blog
Get personal:
interviews
www.edenfantasys.com
(800) 350-9050 Mon-Fr 8 am-4 pm ET
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
Comin
Into Communit
Two films about finding your people. By Candace Moore
Jennifer's
Body(2oth
CenturyFox):Directedby
KarynKusama
(Gir/figh~,
writtenbyAcademy
Award
winnerDiabloCodyand
starringoutbisexualMegan
FoxandBigLovehottie
AmandaSeyfried,
Jennifer's
Bodyis botha spookylittle
flick anda celebration
of
femalecreativity.
Aftera tragic
run-inwitha diabolicalboy
band,theschoolbombshell,
Jennifer(Fox),is possessed
bya boy-eating
demonand
herBFF,Needy(Seyfried),
is leftto bringanendto the
monstrous
meangirl'sreign
of terror.Jennifer'sBodyhas
inevitably
drawncomparisons
to otherfemale-centric
horror
filmslikeHeathers
andGinger
Snaps,andrightfullyso.All
thesegenrefilms,unique
for theirfemalePOV,
delve
intoa similartheme-the
treasureandtreacheryof
teenagefemalefriendships.
AndBodydoessoparticularly
well,exploringNeedy's
adoration
of Jenniferandits
Sapphicunderpinnings-a
toxicfriendshipmanya baby
dykewill beableto identify
with.Jennifer'sBodyis an
underappreciated
gem-and
notjust because
Foxshows
up in an EvilDeadT-shirt
and
Wonder
Womanundiesswoon.(foxmovies.
com)
[Rachel
Shatto]
60
I curve
A new saucy comedy about a group oflesbians playing
the field in Madrid and a coming of age film about a
boyish girl who learns to depend on her friends both
emphasize the pleasures of finding your pack.
GirlSeeksGirl{ChicaBuscaChica){Wolfe):
Originally
produced for distribution in Spain, where Girl Seeks
Girl garnered an avid Internet following, this quirky
Spanish lesbian serial is now offering its tongue-incheek answer to The L Word stateside, repackaged as
a feature-length comedy. The soap-turned-film tips
its hat to The L Word in obvious ways-the featured
constellation of Madrid dykes (with one soft butch
exception) are twenty- to thirtysomething femmes,
who congregate in their local lesbian bar to gossip,
flirt and seduce pick-ups in the ladies room. Bartender
Nines (Celia Freijeiro, of Spanish TV stardom), the
Shane stand-in, charmi~gly plays up her role as a
cocky lothario, driving her latest conquest, Monica
(Cristina Pons), to fawning nuttiness, while casting her
sights on Monica's coy, straight roommate (Sandra
Collantes), named-of all names-Carmen.
When
Carmen catches her fiancee with another woman on
the day she is set to move in, she starts taking Nines'
flirtation more seriously. Meanwhile, Monica's new
roommate (Almudena Gallego), a bubbly character
named Ana, requires lots of pointers in lesbian bar
and sex etiquette. Ribald, exaggerated, amusing-Girl
Seeks Girl is quick, campy fun. (wolfereleasing.com)
NightFliers{TigerMothPictures
andLastLookFilms):
A
slow, nostalgic take on life as a queer pubescent-Sara
St. Martin Lynne's film revolves around a 12-yearold's struggles to maintain her self-worth in the face of
constant teasing about her masculine appearance and
interest in bugs. Nearly everyone around Jesse (Sasha
Harrison) seems ready to condemn her to freakdom:
the obnoxious girl who throws scented maxi pads in
front of her in the cafeteria, the new teenage stepsister
who's grossed out at her pet caterpillars in the fridge
and, especially, her disappointed dad who glumly tries
to force her to get a haircut (she trims it into a boyish
shag). Luckily she finds a few co-conspirators-in
her beloved bugs (she prefers moths to butterflies),
who are forming a chrysalis she can relate to, and in
an open-minded homeroom teacher who encourages
her to shake off the mean things her peers say.Jesse
also takes refuge in three best friends who seem
similarly headed toward an early appreciation of
post-punk tunes and queer crushes. This comingof-age film's stirring soundtrack and intimate visual
portrait of life in a rural town ably back Harrison's
moody rendering of a kid still deciding between
genders. (night.fliers.com) ■
~
g
en
ffi
u..
~
w
2
ii:
g
ffi
~
8
ugar
In this time-bending,sexy, lesbian romp - with
an irreverent nod to the popular a'rt-house
classic URun,Lola, Run·- a talented, but
distracted photographer, Lola, (Ashleigh
Sumner)on the verge of successin both love
andwork, could lose it all if she doesn'tmakeit
to a crucial meetingontime. But,as usual,Lola
is late. With her job and girlfriend Casey(Jill
Bennett)onthe line,she hasthree chancesto
makeit right. In a desperaterace throughthe
streetsand backroomsof SanFrancisco,time
growsshort- will Lolamakeit?Will shecome
at all?
Her Big League continued from page 29
tours women's festivals,
ride celebratl
lGBTfllm f
enture
I
Love in NOLA continued from page 43
You'vedonea lot of voiceworkin the last10
years.Whatdrivesyouto dothat?
It's actually an extension of being an actor.
Getting the opportunity to do it was sort of
a fluke because I had a friend named Mark
DeCarlo. He does the [The Travel Channel's
Taste of America with Mario DeCarlo]. He
and I are pals from Second City days. He
and I are just best buds. Anyway, he had
an audition for Jimmy Neutron and he called
me and said, "we can audition together if
you want to audition:• We went in for the
mom and dad ... and they loved our chem~
istry and they hired us as a team. So that's
how I kind of got into it. And then from
there, I started working at Nickelodeon
doing Jimmy Neutron. We did the movie,
which was Academy Award nominated.
And then we did the series, and from that,
other things have come.
Doyouhavea favoriteanimated
character
that
you'veplayed?
MontgomeryCounty,Maryland,that has
I love them all. I love Hillary, the mom of second-parentadoptionwherebothhaveequal
Bessy Hagenbottom, because she's a San rightsto the child,"saysPritchard."Because
right now if we split up,onewill havemore
Francisco single mom and she's got dreads
rights,becausethat's technicallytheir child,
and she drives a Harley and she's a great on paper."
character. It's the first time I've ever used
Financialissuesof tax credits,tax laws
my normal voice for a character. In fact, the and insurancecameinto play,andthey wrote
more tired I am, the more they like it. They up wills. "It's the onething that protectsus,"
like the roughness.
says Pritchard."Whatwould happento Jude
So howdo youthinkbeinga lesbianaffects if somethinghappenedto us and we didn't
howyou'reperceived
bycastingdirectors
and havethosethings in place?They'dput him in
filmmakers
andaudiences?
foster care."
I don't think about it. Maybe it does [matter]
Sowhendo theythink thingswill change?
from their point of view, I just don't think "It's just like anycivil rightsin the South,"says
about it. I don't know if the casting directors Rooney."I think it will be in our lifetime.But it
maybe 15,20 yearsfrom now.It's comea long
are looking at me in that way, [thinking] oh
, way.Fifteenyearsago,whenwe got together
she's gay or whatever.
we thoughttherewas no way it was goingto
Areyoua Hollywood
outsider
oraninsider?
happen.Especiallyin the south."
I used to be more of an insider but I think
Though
raisingtheirsonwouldbeeasier
I'm more of an outsider now. I live in San elsewhere,
Rooney
andPritchard
havea deepFrancisco, so I really sort of removed myself rootedloveforthecityandtheacceptance
from the whole LA scene. I love my life. I go they'vefoundthere."We'veneverhadany
to the events that I have to go to to promote
questions
aboutourrelationship,
aboutJude,"
things, that I want people to know about. But saysPritchard.
"Cityworkersin NewOrleans
I don't live my life according to their rules at havesame-sex
benefits,
butnotanywhere
else
all-at all.
in thestate.Thecityis a little pocketinsideof
You're
in yourlate40s.Where
doyouwanttogo? Louisiana.Whichis why we are here."
You know, I'd love to do some drama. I've
Theyenjoyraisingtheir sonas a New
Orleanian."It's beenmiraculousto seehim
done comedy my whole life. Don't get
develop,"saysPritchard."I think it's the
me wrong, I love it. But I'm looking for peoplehe's around.Peopletell us this, and
challenges, as an artist. So much of the stuff it's a compliment,that he's a productof his
that I've done I feel like I've skated through
environment.He'sa creationof all thesepeople
and I would love something that would be that are in his li°fe.Hehasan amazingsupport
challenging for me. ■
systemandlots of love... it's not possibleto
havemorelovethan he has."[ZoieClift]
Love Is a ManyGenderedThing continuedfrom page 49
I guess I'm just queer. I felt like I was being
forced to let go of a community that I am very
much.a part of:'
Today Roberts is "taking the changes as
they come and learning to re-love the new
pieces ofJess."At least the heartbreak I felt has
subsided and I can now feel curious and, dare
I say,excited about the changes that are still to
come,"she says.
1he _Butch
to BoyExperience
While a lesbian non-trans partner can miss
being identified as·queer, being "read" as queer
can be devastating. This is not true for all trans
people: Women like Stryker who identify as
lesbian or others who prefer genderqueer,
androgynous or other sex and gender-diverse
terms. But many trans people, especially men
who were once lesbian identified, want to
"pass" as the gender they have transitioned to.
These men may still date lesbians, but they
don't want to be perceived as one. For lesbians,
that begs the question: if you are attracted to
a person and you're not sure if they're trans,
should you ask them?
"I would say yes. A relationship must be
founded in honesty;' says Zander. "But you
should never ask a person this simply from
curiosity:' Zander suggests telling the person
that you are interested in them and ask if
they're OK with you asking if they are trans.
Questions are endimic to transition and
one that people often ask is whether sex is
any different. From my personal experience
make your Africandreamscometrue.
Cont.Ht
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with Tracie, the answer is no. Fingers, tongues,
lube and toys are put to good use, the same
as with any female lover. For some dykes, a
preoperative trans partner (a woman with male
genitalia) may·pose issues, but these are things
to be worked out together, just as you would
with any partner with physical differences.
"We had good sex before and after Susan's
operation;' says Klausner. ''When we were
talking about the possibility of having sex, I
have to confess that I was a bit taken aback
when she told me that she still had a penis. I
guess I just assumed she didn't. But it didn't
matter much to me one way or another:'
From Stryker's perspective, having a.partner
who is eager to find out what feels good and
who is open to pleasuring her back is most
important. "I think everybody has a different
sense of their own body, that all bodies are
different from one another, and that pre- and
post-op differencesjust fall somewhere in the
general range of how bodies can be different,
how they are unique," she says. "I don't think
it adds some special burden-we should all,
always, be attentive to each other and practice
open, honest, effectivecommunication:'
It's true, though, that sex can change within
an already existing relationship once a partner
starts to transition.Transition usually involves
the person taking estrogen or testosterone.
This results in physical changes as well as an
increase or decrease in libido.
"Pre-transition, I was a very sexual being,"
says Diaz. "With the testosterone, it amped
up about 60 to 70 percent. It is very different
in that sex is always in the front of my mind.
It's more physiological. Because of T [testosterone], my clitoris has grown into a small
penis. I am aware of it constantly. I know that
I am much faster to get to the actual physical
act than I used to be. I used to pride myself
on being a relaxed lover. I wanted to take my
time ... Now I am way more focused on the
orgasm. Sometimes it feels like I am a teenager
again and experiencing sex for the first timeevery time:'
As with any partner, discussions around
what parts are OK or not OK to touch are
essential. For Jess, there are no parts that are off
limits for his wife,Tina.'Just because it isn't the
body I feel I should have, it doesn't mean that
I can't at least experience pleasure;' he says.''All
I ask of her is that she not feminize me. There
are ways that my current body and parts can be
touched that still make me feel masculine'
At the end of the day, we are human beings,
regardless of our sex or gender identity, and in
any relationship there are challenges. Where
one partner is trans, there can be additional
barriers, but, as these couples have discovered,
and I can attest to from personal experience,
out of all the soul-searching and analyzing
can come a closer bond and a deeper understanding of each other. There's a simplicity to
that, says Matson: "She hears what I say, we
waste no time discussing our relationship and
we never quarrel," she asserts. "Of course, we
talk a lot about everything, but only to get to
know each other better, to bond. We simply
are here, now and together:' ■
Fertility and life is the rose. the sublime blossom.
the womb from which all enter the world.
Embrace your magnificent feminine self.
Enjoy family.
Enjoy life.
www. feminineprtnciples.~om
April 2010 j 63
TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
...
Jasper James
Why this musician has us singing her praises.
By Catherine Plato
1. She can do almostany musicalthing purple, with everything in between:·
imaginable.Besides having sung opera,
gospel and hip-hop, James has played an array 6. Herlife is literallylike a movie-a really
of instruments. "I spent the early part of my hot movie."John Cameron Mitchell based
childhood trying out different instrumentsShortbusloosely on the artist collective I lived
drums, percussion, piano, guitar and bass. But
throughout high school I spent most of my
time honing my skills on the sax:•These days,
though, she sticks mostly to the guitar.
2. She's all about DIV.James made the
video for her song "Rocket" ( check it out
on jasperjamesmusic.com) with about $10
and a little help from her friends. "I basically
went to all of my talented friends and said,
'Hey, you want to make some art?' Lucky for
me, they were all in the mood. It was tough,
but really showed what a little creativity can
do. The music business is changing, and there
is finally room for those of us who were once
priced out of it to do what we do best and get
our stuff out there. That realization made it
such an exciting experience:'
I first met Jasper James in
2006, at a private party in South
Lake Tahoe, Calif. My friends
told me James had composed
the theme song for the John
Cameron Mitchell film Shortbus
and was well on her way to
3. Andshe'salwaysbeenthatway."I wrote
becoming "a really big deal."
my first full-length song when I was in high
It wasn't until I heard her play
school;' says James. "I was beside myself at
that weekend that I really got
how great it felt to make something:•
it-James is a brilliant songwriter, a dynamic performer and 4. She'sfluid.James has a complex undergenerally the kind of person
standing of gender, and in past she has
who makes every woman in
avoided using any gender pronouns whatthe room fall in love. Four years soever. More recently though, she told me, "I
am biologically female and comfortable with
later, with a solo album under
that, though I do not subscribe to traditional
her belt {titled Vibrator} and
gend~r
presentation. Pronouns, or how
video airplay on MTV and Logo,
someone refers to me, is less important than
she has indeed become a really
how a person treats me as a human being:'
big deal. Here are a few of the
many reasons she continues to 5. She's not hung up on labels.Though
capture our hearts and captivate. James tends to get a lot of attention from the
our ears.
LGBT press, she says that she tries to reach
I
Makeup: Kate Woods, Melvin Willis
Styling: Jet Olivia, Camille DeGrocco
Clothing: Thom Markee, boicrazy
64
I curve
out to everyone. "Most of my fans know I
am different, but I appeal to a wide range of
people nonetheless;• she says. "My fans are
gay, straight, male, female, black, white and
in at the time [in the DUMBO a.k.a. Down
Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass
neighborhood of Brooklyn];' James says.
"He wanted to establish that it was a real
part of New York subculture, that it did
exist and that it was glorious and should be
celebrated:'
7. She has a strongsenseof community.
With one foot firmly planted in New York
and the other occasionally dipped in the
waters of San Francisco Bay (she began
writing Vibrator in the Bay Area), James
describes herself as bicoastal, part of a
community united more by spirit than
geography. "My community is made up
of all the freaks, the fabulous, the colorful
ones, the people who make every moment
a spectacle worth believing in;' she says. "I
appreciate the place they are holding in the
world and I know that wherever I am, I can
find my home with them:'
8. She'son her way to icon status.This
past year, James won an Out Music Award
for OUTstanding Hip-Hop and had her
video for "Rocket" broadcast on Logo. Her
song "It's On'' was featured in a commercial
for the NBA and Kia Motors. In New York,
she's opened shows for both Debbie Harry
and Peaches.
9. She'staken.Let's be honest, isn't someone
always hotter when they're unavailable?"! am
in a very loving and mature relationship with
a fabulous film producer;' says James. "Lucky
for me, she enjoys having fun as much as I dJ
~
do:• We're jealous.
~
z
10. Um,haveyouseenher picture?I'm just
~
~
sayin: ■
~
...J
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