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Description
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ToC Cover Story: Jane Lynch Accidentally Fabulous by Edie Stull (p44); Nowhere to Bounce To photo essay to by Samantha Box (p32); Romi Klinger Por Vida by Rashida Harmon (p40); Holiday Gift Guide (p54); Vermont Vacay by Constance Parten (p66); Palestine’s Secret Lesbian World Unveiled by Maria De. La O (p70). Cover Photo by Williams and Hirakawa/Fox.
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Holiday Gift Guide
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issue
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10
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Date Issued
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December 2011
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol21_No10_December-2011_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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Romi Klinger
HOT GIFT;' - FOR EVERY
LESBIAN
ON YOUR
LIST
Ertfll&tllt
Inside
Palestine's
Secret
Lesbian
World
HOLDAY
When you subscribe to our interactive digital
edition you get curve in your inbox before it hits
the stands. Flick through pages, watch videos,
listen to songs, forward stories to friends and best
of all, no more recycling. Just download and save!
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ON BOTH
MAC AND PC
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and save
today at
Features
44
Accidentally Fabulous
32
Nowhere To Bounce To
40
54
DECEMBER
2011
In her autobiography, Happy Accidents,
Jane Lynch reflects on life lessons, luck
and finding love. By Edie Stull
In New York City, queer women of color
are at risk of homelessness. This startling
photo essay explores their lives.
By Samantha Box
Romi Por Vida
Forget the drama and drinking:
The Real L Word's Romi Klinger
makes her mark on the world of fashion.
By Rashida Harmon
Holiday Gift Guide
It's that time of year to show your
loved ones what they mean to you.
From sexy stocking stutters to gorgeous
girlie goodies, we have something for
every lezzie on your list.
66
Vermont Vacay
70
Palestine's Secret
Lesbian World Unveiled
For the perfect blend of nature and culture,
nothing beats a vacation to the Green
Mountain State. By Constance Parten
Meet the brave lesbian community
thriving in secret, in the Arab world.
By Maria De La 0
page40~
iKlinger
page 26
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www.germany.travel
www.c reative-ge rm a ny.t rave I
Looking for something new?
Creativity is the heartbeat of our cities
DestinationGermany.Excellentvalue and extremelyaffordable.Discover the buzz and excitement of the most hip-andhappening districts in Germany's major cities. The unique appeal of these areas-which
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break with convention and forge new ways of expression. Germany, the land of ideas, takes you on a creative journey of
discovery where you'll explore the visions of its most creative innovators.
..
Supported by:
W
Travel Destination Germany
© German National Tourist Board
I ofFederal
Ministry
Economics
andTechnology
on the basis of a decision
by the German Bundestag
Departments
IN EVERY ISSUE
6
7
8
10
17
20
22
24
80
Letters
26
Contributors
Editor's Letter
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Out in Front
28
Scene
Lesbofile
Lipstick & Dipstick
30
DECEMBER
2011
Relationship Advice
Are you out on Facebook? Learn more about
your privacy settings and make the most of
relationships with friends, exes, colleagues
and strangers.
Laugh Track
Cute comic DeAnne Smith goes from poetry
to punchlines.
Politics
How to really celebrate the holiday season.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Stars
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Curvatures
Now there's a greeting card for every
lesbian occasion, thanks to one
enterprising Las Vegas couple.
The Two of Us
Our monthly profile of lesbian couples
who live, love and work together.
74
76
78
Film: New award-winning lesbian film
Pariah examines the African American identity.
Music: From the Outback to Indianapolis,
Martine Locke thrills with her acoustic stylings.
Books: The repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell
has made the military a hot non-fiction topic.
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curve
urvemag.com
Jay Toole: Crusader
For Economic Justice
As the Occupy Wall Street movement
spreads around the world, one butch's
40-year fight for the queer dispossessed in New York City continues.
Read her story on curvemag.com.
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No Lezzie Left Behind
(on Your Holiday List)
Sure we've got 77 hot gift ideas
starting on page 54, but who doesn't
appreciate even more food for giftgiving thought. Fortunately, we've got
you covered with more great holiday
gift ideas for you on curvemag.com.
Get Ready to Rock
As any gamer grrrl knows, musicbased video games are plentiful. From
Guitar Hero to Rock Band gamers
have been rocking for years-virtually.
All that is about to change with the
advent of Rocksmith, a genre-altering
game that actually teaches players
how to play a real guitar. As a result
it's gotten tons of buzz, but does it live
up to the hype? Is this your chance
to finally realize your lezzie rockstar
dreams? Read our preview on
curvemag.com to find out.
Get Lucky with Tucky
J
Check out our interview with Tucky
Williams, sexy futch star of the hot
new lesbian webseries Girl/Girl on
curvemag. com
Meet Holly Miranda
For fans of Ani DiFranco and Missy
Higgins, there is a new indie singer,
ready to rock your world: Holly
Miranda. In our one-on-one with the
soulful singer-songwriter, Miranda
talks about her Record a Record
campaign, the woes of the music
industry and "Rapid Pelicans," the
song she wrote for the It Gets Better
campaign, on curvemag.com.
0
in
December 2011
I5
LETTERS
Butch Fashion Special
I Lesbian Vampires I Catie Curtis
"taking space;' that is, getting away so you can
finally be who you really are. Thanks for your
great work. -Julia Colwell,Ph.D., Boulder, CO
From Curve's
Facebook Wall
Bowing Down to Tabatha
I am a male subscriber to curve. Your
photos of Tabatha Coffey in your
September issue (Vol. 21#7] and on its
cover have convinced me that I am right
in subscribing to a lesbian magazine. I
think Tabatha Coffey is the most God-like
person I've ever seen. - William Hickey,
Virginia Beach, VA
sheis myfavoritest
EVER!!!
wishsheneededa girlfriend!
-CameronLangner
drool@Kirsten
Vangsness
... great
issue!!:)-BriArnold
Do-goodery Decoded
No Merge Ahead
I appreciate Lisa Eramo's exploration oflesbians
and merging in your October issue (Vol.
21#8]. I did my dissertation on this topic
way back in the '80s. I actually found that
lesbians weren't more prone to merging than
straight couples-and
gay men merged the
most of all! I would like to add a tip about
how to create a stronger sense of self: Tell the
truth. My experience in seeing many couples
over the past 20 years is that the main way
people start blurring out their identities is the
"sure, honey, whatever you want" moment.
Saying how you feel and what you really want
are powerful antidotes to the old standby of
First off, I generally love curve and it makes
my day every time I receive my monthly copy
in the mail. However I was offended at the
fact that in the "Lipstick Lesbian" (Vol. 21#8]
beauty article in the October issue it was
implied that HIV/ AIDS is a gay problem.
Just because a company supports AIDS
research and funding is no reason to associate
it with the gay community. While it may have
been prevalent in the gay community in times
past, HIV/ AIDS is not a gay problem, but
a widespread human problem. Yes, we should
all be supportive of efforts to eliminate it, but
to present this in such a way is downright
disrespectful. A little subtlety and discretion
would have been welcome.
-R.P., Brooklyn, N.Y.
Dude
... loveher!-Val Schaeffer
Can'twait;mineis inthepostforthe
UK:)-Ste/la Bennett
youcanplaywithmycomputer
any
time-LuleeAhmed
Sheissoyummy!!!-LoriPlemens
Talknerdyto me!-Val Schaeffer
I absolutely
LOVE
her!!!!!!-LeeJ Frost
Thelatesteditionofcurve arrivedin
themailtoday!Nothing
elsematters
oncurve day!-Jean Turner-Floyd
THANK
YOUcurve formakingmyFB
Postpartofthismonth's
issue!I was
•1 Thismagazine
isthe
sosurprised!
it to Everyone!
bestandI recommend
•-summer AlexisKolacki
Editor's
Note:We couldn't agreemore! The impli-
cation in "Lipstick Lesbian" was not that HIV I
AIDS was a 'gay problem," but that we lesbians
like choosing a makeup brand that supports
worthy causes.
a5 Like
Fireperson Faux Pas
Poll
What's the best
cold-weather date?
29%
Applepicking,
wholesome
anddelicious
28%
23%
20%
Cansnuggling
bea date?
Darkbarandfinewine
A tripto somewhere
tropical
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
6
I curve
Wow. What a slap in the face. I never thought
I'd see printed in curve a word that sends
women back 40 years. "Fireman" was used in
Sarah Toce's October artide"The Good Wife:'
(Vol. 21#8] How could you let this happen?
-Amy Stockham, Conway Springs, Kan.
CORRECTION
Fiona Silver was included in our "Sexiest
Luscious Lesbos" section (Vol. 21#8], however
Silver does not self-identify as lesbian.
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CONTRIBUTORS
EstherZinnis a journalist, web designer and screenwriter
based in New York. Her last short film, Never the Bride,
was a featured selection at the Frameline 34 International
LGBT Film Festival. She enjoys tinkering with cutting,
edge gadgets, watching indie or foreign films, experiencing
NYC nightlife and collecting first,edition 1950s pulp
romance novels. Read her interview with Pariah director
Dee Rees on page 76. ( estherzinn.com)
JessMcAvoy
is a singer,songwriter with 20 years of experi,
ence, including international tours throughout Australia
and America; she has opened for Ani DiFranco, Michelle
Shocked, Toni Childs, Ember Swift and many more.
After performances at New York's famed Knitting Factory,
CBGB, and the Bitter End, McAvoy had a sold,out farewell
show in Melbourne for her Australian fans, then made the
leap to Toronto where she aims to write her 13th album in
her first real winter. Read her interview with fellow Aussie
expat musician Martine Lock on page 74. (jessmcavoy.com)
For DeniseWeldon-Siviy,
everything comes back to the
importance of family. On how that philosophy informed
her article, "Coming out of the Web Closet" (page 26) she
says, "It's always great to write about topics that make my
kids proud. My daughter Nina hasn't been this excited
since I did some power yard sale shopping and managed
to buy her an extensive collection of Vagina T,shirts while
she was directing the Vagina Monologues at The University
of Pittsburg:' Her three other kids are actually even more
proud. After all, wouldn't it be insanely cool if your mom
actually got paid to play on Facebookr
Since 2005, Brooklyn,based photographer SamanthaBox
has dedicated herself to documenting homeless lesbian,
gay, bisexual and transgender youth in New York City.
Her project, "Invisible;' has been recognized by the
Anthropographia Award for Photography and Human
Rights, En Foco and the New York Foundation for the
Arts, and has been widely exhibited, most notably in
2010 at The Sanctuary for Independent Media in Troy,
N.Y., and in 2011 as part of the Open Society Institutes
"Moving Walls #18" exhibition. (samanthaboxphoto.com)
TinaVasquez,who for this issue tackled the growing topic
of genderqueer parenting (page 48), is an LA.,based
freelance writer and editor who specializes in progressive
issues. A former editor at Elevate Difference, she now
regularly contributes to Sexls, The Glass Hammer and
has written for Bitch, Herizons, curve, curvemag.com
and
December 2011
I7
EDITOR'S
NOTE
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
TIS
IS OURHOLIDAY
ISSUE
and visions of the celebra-
tion at my house should be enough to bring a smile to
my face-opening a pile of gifts, tucking into a festive meal
with loved ones, remembering the year that's been. But there's
the problem. We're still in a recession, there's unrest around
the globe, environmental devastation, and keeping up with
the news means fewer and fewer good tidings. We seem to be
unable to put aside our differences-peace and goodwill on
Earth are distant dreams.
In the magazine business, however,
we like good news. Magazines are
about useful information, wonderful
people and places, interesting prod~
ucts. So I wondered how curve
could celebrate this festive time of year
without ignoring the real issues that
will not go away, no matter how much
tinsel you drag out of the closet.
I was therefore delighted to have
an interview with Jane Lynch as
our cover story. Does anybody not
smile just thinking about her, even
when she's supeMnarky Sue Sylvester:'
Lynch's triumphant trajectory from
D~list drinker to much~admired and
well~loved comedy maven is a gift we
can all take joy in. She has proved
(through talent and persistence) that
you can be queer, here, and people
may even ask you to host the A~list
Emmy Awards ceremony!
This issue is abundant with other gifts. While we have
77 seductive stocking stuffers that will delight dykes of all
stripes-they're
hand~selected specifically with lesbians in
mind-we suggest you give other, more altruistic gifts, too.
Giving time, money, kind words-these
may not sparkle,
but they will endure. Give a donation to the Paula Ettelbrick
Memorial Fund and to Sylvia's Place for homeless LGBT
youth in New York City, and give everyday assistance to
those who are struggling to get by. If you heed the words of
our resident chaplain, Joni McClain, and our political colum~
nist, Victoria Brownworth, you'll realize that giving is indeed
receiving.
Happy holidays!
Giving Is
Receiving
41/4.
Merry~
Edito:-~/~:
merryn@curvemag.com
s I curve
DECEMBER
2011
LESBIAN
I
MAGAZINE
VOLUME 21 NUMBER 10
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenios
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Contributing Editors Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Stephanie Schroeder, Constance Parten
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
Editorial Assistants Rashida Harmon, Emelino Minero,
Rosanna Rios Spicer
OPERATIONS
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
National Sales
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, info@rivendellmedia.com
East Coast Sales
Kristin R. Thomas (704) 837-0171, kristin@curvemag.com
Robin Perron (910) 795-0907, robin@curvemag.com
Midwest & West Coast Sales
Deidre Saddoris (303) 242-5479, deidre@curvemag.com
Business Development
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
Fundraising Coordinator
Janet Weyers (201) 535-3264, janet@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo,
Lauren Marie Fleming, Lisa Gunther, Melany Joy Beck, Gillian
Kendall, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Ariel Messman-Rucker, Constance Parten, Laurie K. Schenden,
Stephanie Schroeder, Lori Selke, Janelle Sorenson, Dave Steinfeld,
Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes,
Syd London, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Constance Parten,
Leslie Van Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams
PO Box 467
New York, NY i 0034
Phone (415) 871-0569 Fax (510) 380-7487
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Subscription Inquiries (800) 705-0070 (toll-tree in us only)
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Digital Edition Subscriptions zinio.com/digital.curvemag
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 21 Issue 10 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY
10034. Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $89.95
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355).
Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part,
without written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any
persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an
indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve
welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response.
Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be
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curvemag.com
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CELEBRATEYOURLO
With a welcoming community, a world wonder and incredible art,
architecture, entertainment, dining and nightlife, Buffalo Niagara
is ready to host your big day.
I~
NY
There's a Card for That
Anyone who has ever wandered through the gift shop aisles
looking for a perfect way to express how you feel to a lesbian
friend, queer family member or your own sweetie, knows
you'll most likely just end up buying a blank card to edit
yourself-or give up altogether.
Major retailers, chic gift shops and holiday specialty
stores have had plenty of time to create, market and sell
greeting and holiday cards that reflect the diversity of LG BT
relationships-so
why haven't they taken advantage of the
purchasing power of this community? One reason might be
because one resourceful couple has beaten them to it. Dina
Proto and her partner of eight years, Dina Poist~ Proto,
started Teazled to fill two needs: For the LGBT community
to see our relationships reflected in the time~honored art~
work of holiday cards and so our friends and families can
easily honor those relationships and special occasions. The
need became obvious to the couple when their oldest child
apologized for a card that had to be tailored with a hand
drawn "s"at the end of "mother:' From that moment on, they
knew there had to be a card for everybody.
With a sales and marketing background and support
from family, friends and even total strangers they started
Teazled, a card company catering specifically to LGBT
couples, parents, family and friends in March 2011. Teazled
started with 60 cards but soon grew and now they hope
to release 20 to 30 new cards each month. There are cards
for every occasion from common holidays like Hanukkah
and Halloween to their unique and much~needed coming
out cards designed to help smooth the emotional journey
for loved ones. "Teazled cards are inspired by everyday life;'
says Poist~ Proto. She carries a notebook with her every~
where to jot down new ideas. The couple also takes sug~
gestions from customers who want to see a specific card,
quote, or image.
For now you can find Teazled cards online at but anticipate
seeing them in your favorite stores. Proto and Poist~ Proto
aren't interested in further segregating their product or the
LGBT community. They want to see their cards in the same
stores and aisles where other cards are sold. They hope to
send a universal message-that
no matter the makeup of
our family we all deserve to share happiness. ( teazled.com)
[Rosanna
RiosSpicer]
"Teazled
cards are
inspired by
everyday
life"
ll'swholam.
December 2011
I 11
CURVATURES
Calendar Girls
Bring the sexy in 2012 with these hot, lesbian-created calendars. By Emelina Minero
It's that time of year when you get to introduce a dozen new lesbians into your life-in
the form of a calendar. Fortunately for us lady lovers there is a variety of tempting, titillating,
lesbian-themed calendars to choose from in 2012. Here are a few of our favorites, all
featuring tantalizing, out queer women.
L is for Luscious
Shot by fine~art photographer Cristina de la Madera
and featuring real life lesbian and bisexual couples, the
L-Calendar
is sensual, evocative and hot. Shot all in black
and white, the calendar captures the allure and romance
of the intimate, passionate and quiet moments between
women who love women. (cristinadelamadera.be)
12
I curve
From London with Love
For those looking for international flavor, the latest from I Love London is a must~have.
Photographer Nadia Attura and styist Mercury founded I Love London Girls to
showcase lesbian diversity and challenge stereotypes of what a "typical" lesbian looks
like. This year's concept, I LoveCareerGirls,will feed your workplace fantasies with
months themed after dreamy professions like sexy librarians, construction workers,
ballet dancers-and of course it will have you hot for teacher. (ilovelondongirls.com)
All-Star Autostraddle
Back for a second pulse~raising year, Autostraddlers Robin Roemer
(photographer) and Sara Medd (stylist) are bringing their special
brand of SoCal sexy for your daily pleasure. By selecting calendar
girls with an emphasis on diversity, intelligence and hotness, Roemer
and Medd want to strip away gender and sexual identity stereotypes
Calendar
features
(as well as clothing). Plus, the 2012Autostraddle
several familiar faces including iiber~sexy butch comic Julie Goldman,
and Real L Word lovely, Francine Beppu. (autostraddle.com)
December 2011
I 13
CURVATURES
the rundown
Lesbian couple Teresa
Foldsand Juleigh
Snellwere asked to leave the Four
Seasons
Hotel in St.Louisafter they were seen kissing in the Jacuzzi by hotel
security. An official statement from the hotel general manager said, "Four
Seasons respects the behaviors of our guests, except where doing so may be a
breach of law or create tensions among people. This was the case on the night
in question, as our staff received several complaints about the guests'"behavior': ..
LeishaHaileyof The L Word was escorted off of a Southwest
Airlines
flight for
kissing her Uh Huh Her bandmate Camila Grey.
Hailey used her Twitter account to call for a community
boycott of the airline. Southwest issued a statement
saying"we received several passenger complaints
characterizing the behavior as excessive. Our crew,
responsible for the comfort of all Customers on
board, approached the passengers based solely on
behavior and not gender:: .. Four men have been
Nkonyana
in CapeTown,
convicted of the murder of 19~year~old lesbian Zoliswa
SouthAfricain 2006. Nkonyana was stoned, kicked and stabbed to death and
the murder trial was postponed over 30 times due to failings of defense attorneys
to arrive in court. Three other men were acquitted due to lack of evidence
linking them to the murder though they were present when Nkonyana was
Canada received six months of house
killed ... A 16~year~old boy in Edmonton,
arrest as a deferred sentence and 15 months probation after attacking lesbian
Shannon
Barry.Barry suffered a broken jaw, crushed eye socket and facial nerve
damage from the teens attack. The teens attorney said her client's actions were
"spontaneous and stupid, but not deliberate:' Angry about his sentence the teen
Lowrey]
spat on the courtroom floor after the judge's ruling. [Sassafras
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Boasting the best in restaurants, luxury shopping, decadent pools and pulsing
nightlife, Las Vegas has earned its status as a major travel spot for the LGBT
community. Come experience the nonstop fun for yourself. Already faced your fierce?
Share your quintessential Las Vegas experience with us to be entered for a chance to
win a Vegas vacation and more. Go to VisitLasVegas.com/fierce for details.
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HONORARY
LIFETIME
LESBIAN
MEMBERSHIP
OUTINFRONT
Remembering Paula L. Ettelbrick
In October, we lost one of our most fearless and tireless campaigners
for lesbian and gay rights. By Sheryl Kay
From Sri Lanka to San Francisco, rainbow flags flew at half-staff
on October 7 as one of our community's finest legal advocates,
Paula Ettelbrick, lost a yearlong battle with ovarian cancer. She
had turned 56 years old only the week before. She is survived by
her partner, Marianne Haggerty; her children, Adam Ettelbrick,
14, and Julia Ettelbrick, 12; her brother, Robert Ettelbrick Jr; and
her sister, Linda Anderes. Her children now live with her former
partner, Suzanne Goldberg and her partner, Mary Lou Kelley.
Paula was no newcomer to hard fights. Her lifelong devotion to
social justice began when she became the first staff attorney hired
by Lambda Legal, in 1986. She was one of the original architects of
domestic partnership and co~parenting law in the United States,
and often faced judges who had, to say the least, very little experi~
ence with the gay community-judges
who were often repugnant
and disrespectful. Yet Paula, ever the articulate activist, won
many courtroom battles waged over the concept of equality under
the law.
Her career blossomed as she went on to become the legal director
of Lambda, then over the next decade served in executive capacities for several groups, including the National Center for Lesbian
Rights, Empire State Pride Agenda and the International Gay and
Lesbian Human Rights Commission.
Ten years ago, she went into academia. She was on the law faculty
most recently at New York University and Barnard College.
When I last spoke to Paula, I was interviewing her for this column.
We talked about how some lesbians might be averse to activism
because of the long hours and hard work it required, not to mention
the low pay. Her response was so Paula.
"Keep in mind that changing the world can be fun;' she said.
"I would never have survived these 25 years of LGBT advocacy
if it weren't for the irreverent, outlandish, brilliant and passionate
colleagues I have had in this movement. Yes, sometimes we can be
hard on ourselves, and, yes, we are now in a much more suits and
buttoned~down kind of movement. But I still think lesbians, in
particular, have barely come into our own. Get out there and be
a part of making the world we live in better:'
Thanks, Paula, for doingjust
THEPAULAETTELBRICK
MEMORIAL
FUND
In late August, Paula announced she'd be stepping down
from her post as executive director at the Stonewall
Community Foundation, due to her illness. A fund in honor
of Paula has been established at Stonewall. The Paula
Ettelbrick Memorial Fund is a grantmaking fund dedicated
to the support of lesbian feminist issues and programs for
LGBT families. All Stonewall grantmaking decisions will be
made by a community-based funding panel. Contributions
to the fund are now being accepted and are fully taxdeductible. To make a contribution in memory of Paula,
please go to stonewallfoundation.org or mail to:
Stonewall Community Foundation, Paula Ettelbrick
Fund, 446 West 33rd Street, New York, N.Y. 10001.
December 2011
I 17
THETWOOFUS
Kayla & Samantha
Motocross racer Kayla Kahn and trainer Samantha Stewart share their strategy for winning
on and off the racetrack. By Lyndsey D' Arcangelo
How they met
Samantha:
We met on a networking site two and a half years ago.
I moved from Ohio to Arizona to finally meet her and we haven't
been separated since. You just know when something is meant
to be.
Kayla:We are very active individuals and we love to get out. We
pretty much enjoy every sport together-but
the one sport we eat,
sleep and breathe is definitely motocross. Samantha is my mentor
and trainer both on and off the track, and I couldn't be more thankful.
We left Arizona for a change of pace and moved to Los Angeles.
Since then, we have been on a journey and are fully dedicated to
each other, motocross, and making a difference.
Getting hitched
Kayla:There is not one day that goes by that I am not thankful for
my life and Samantha. I love her with all my heart and no matter
the circumstance we may be in, knowing we have each other is really
a breath of fresh air. We do everything together and our love is
already sealed-we don't need paperwork to prove that. But getting
married is something we are really looking forward to.
Why they fit so well together
Kayla:First of all, communication and trust is everything. We do
everything together and I couldn't be more thankful for the bond
we experience. We are like~minded individuals, so when it comes
to business and life in general, we use that to our advantage and can
accomplish a lot. We have overcome a lot of obstacles after
the falling out with our financial sponsor and being home~
less, but it just makes us push harder and achieve what
we set out to accomplish overall. I will be getting my pro
license for racing and we are determined to make a stand
for equality in the sports industry.
Making it work
Samantha:
We are literally around each other 24/7 in this
sport as well as other activities, and other projects we have
going on. There are moments of tension from motocross
and training, but we take deep breaths and try to analyze
why we are upset and/ or not understanding something.
We truly do work great together.
Advice on working and living together
Kayla:Learn to accept and love your partner for every
positive and negative aspect they may have or encounter
within themselves, and be there for them regardless of
how hard it may seem. Samantha and I know what we
want in life and we know that we are both here for a bigger
purpose. Any little disagreement or challenge you face as
an individual or as a couple is just a lesson showing you
what you still need to change in life. Love and enjoy every
second you spend together because you never know when
your time may be up.
Samantha:
If you feel tension, walk away for just a minute
so you can analyze the situation and calm yourself down.
My best advice is just this: Be loyal, don't lie about any~
thing. Honesty is the "it" in any relationship. So, calm
down and talk it out. Be blessed your heart is still beating
yet another day and do what you need to do in life to
change for the positive. (kaylakahnmx.com)
18
I curve
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Daughters of Anarchy The Sirens, New York City's oldest and largest
women's motorcycle club, celebrate their 25th anniversary. By Syd London
The Sirens Women's Motorcycle Club of N.Y.C.
celebrated their 25th anniversary with something
special-and
bad~ass, traveling to upstate New
York for a weekend getaway with their sister M.C.
(motor~cycle club) "The Violators" aka Moving
Violations, from the Boston area and The Amazons,
from Toronto. Over the weekend of September
16-18, 60 women took over the Glen Falls House in
Round Top, N.Y. They allowed one photojournalist
exclusive access to document the weekend-me.
The experience made me think of summer camp, for
women who love motorcycles. The entire weekend was
packed with optional activities, from a 4~hour group
ride on Saturday to softball, dancing and hanging out,
talking bikes. Saturday night kicked off with a group
dinner and an historical multimedia presentation by
Sirens founder Jacqui and her wife Gigi. They hosted
a hilarious talent show, which included current
president Karin in female drag followed by dancing
to a live band. The weekend was about sisterhood:
The bonds between these women stretch back over
a quarter of a century when just being a woman who
wanted to ride a motorcycle was a radical act. On group
rides, all riders are accounted for at every stage of the
journey so that "no Siren is left behind:' The weekend
left me feeling gratitude for the path they've helped
pave for other lesbians. They created an alternative
family that suits them, showing that it's possible to
find a community that embraces and celebrates us as
our empowered, bad~ass selves. (sirensnyc.com)
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December 2011 I 21
LESBOFILE
Sugar and Spice and All Things Nice
As the year draws to a close,
some of our fave dykons wrestle with their lesbian legacies. By Jocelyn Voo
Pot,PurpleHairandUnrequited
Love
Despite it being public knowledge that
Kristen Stewart is in an off-screen romance
with her on-screen Twilight love Robert
Pattinson, that's not going to stop cadres of
lesbians from best remembering her as lesbian
rock star Joan Jett in The Runaways. And
now there's another role that may eclipse the
memory of Bella Swan: Stewart is rumored
to be up for the role of Beth Barnacle, "a potsmoking purple-haired lesbian who suffers
the defeat of unrequited love" in the comedic film adaptation of Galt Niederhoffer's
novel A Taxonomy of Barnacles alongside
Maggie Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway.
Truly, we couldn't have put together a more
perfect sentence.
MakeIt a Double
Post Kelli Carpenter, it seemed like Rosie
O'Donnell had left the limelight behind. But
now the outspoken comic is back front and
center with a new TV show and, yes, a new
girlfriend, Michelle Rounds.
"I thought she was a 28-year-old heterosexual girl because that's what she looked like
to me, and she's a 40-year-old gay woman;'
O'Donnell told ABC Nightline."My gaydar
was way off:'
To top it off: the pair met in line at
Starbucks. Talk about ordering a single and
getting a double.
22
I curve
GrrlPower?
The Spice Girls exploded onto
the U.S. music scene in '96
with their girl power anthem
"Wannabe;' but since then have
pretty much disappeared into obscurity
after a few half-baked movies and reunion
tours. Individually, Posh Spice aka Mrs.
Victoria Beckham, and "Scary Spice" aka
Mel B endured some scandal about lesbian
flings. But very little has been heard about
Mel C. Until now.
The former Sporty Spice told the U.K:s
Daily Mail that during the band's heyday,
the press didn't spare her from criticism.
Comments about her appearance being
"masculine" and "gobby" prompted both a
bout with bulimia as well as public speculation about her sexuality. But to set the record
straight (pun intended), Melanie Chisholm
has never been better: Happy, healthy, in a
committed relationship with a man since 2002
and mom to a young daughter. When it comes
to lesbian flings and the Spice Girls, don't
confuse them: that was Mel B, not Mel C.
ThePast,Uncorked
All eyes have been on Chaz Bono lately,
thanks to his "controversial" presence on
Dancing With the Stars. However, now the
public lens zooms in on his long-time honey,
Jennifer Elia, who was arrested by LAPD
in 2004 for domestic battery
of an ex-boyfriend, according
to Star magazine. No reports
about the outcome, but there
are suggestions that Elia turned
to the bottle to cope.
Elia claims to be sober since May oflast year.
With their impending nuptials, we hope so.
Kingof the Show
Anyone check out this year's MTV Video
Music Awards? You know, the one where
Beyonce revealed her baby bump in a purple
sequin tux coat and cummerbund? Oh
yeah-and
where Lady Gaga hosted the
event as drag king alter ego Jo Calderone?
This isn't the first time Gaga has traded
her platinum blonde hair and kooky getups
for greaser hair and a stubbled face, halfsmoked cigarette permanently dangling from
her snarling lips. Calderone made his debut
on the cover of Vogue Hommes Japan last
September, and since then he's reprised his
role on the cover of Gaga's new single "Yoii
and r:•But now you could see him in full
flesh at the VMAs-right
down to the outline of his prosthetic penis (which must've
come in handy for the many crotch-grabs of
the night).
Some Little Monsters might say it's a step
down from a dress made of raw meat. Us?
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This Christmas, Get Some Balls It's time to stop asking for the stuffing in
one breath and rolling over for narrow-minded cornholes, in the next. By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My girlfriend, Gwen, and I have been dating
for about two years. In August, I landed a job and moved 800 miles, to a
conservative state, to be with her. I left all my friends and family behind
so she could live 30 minutes from her loved ones. Since moving, I've
made very few friends, and I hardly ever see my girlfriend because she
works a lot. Now that it's the holiday season, I find myself desperately
lonely and wondering if I made a mistake. Her parents know I moved
here for her, yet they refuse to acknowledge me and I have not received
an invitation for Christmas dinner. This makes me furious because they
know my family is very welcoming to their daughter. I care so deeply
about Gwen. She is an amazing, talented person, and I certainly don't
want to hurt her because I'm being an attention whore. Is this a healthy
situation?- Lonely Lucy in Louisville
Dipstick:
Well, this one is simple. Go be with
your family, where you feel loved and wel~
corned. Bring Gwen with you. Maybe she'll
fall in love with them and the two of you will
decide to move to be near your family. Forget
Gwen's inhospitable parents, but why would
you want to spend the holidays with a bunch
of philistines who don't want you around:'
Lipstick:
What a big steaming pile of reindeer
poop, Lucy Lou. Gwen should stand up to her
parents and insist that they include you. Period.
End of story. You are not being an attention
whore. Not even dose. Gwen needs-as my
mom used to say-an "attitude acljustment"
and to get some serious Christmas balls this
year (that last part was me, not Mama Lipstick).
It's time for passive gays to stop asking for
the stuffing in one breath and rolling over for
narrow ~minded cornholes, even if we call them
family,in the next. Enough already.Stand up for
yourselves! If Gwen can't find the strength to
push back, it will be your choice to stay and live
on those terms. Perhaps it was the wrong move,
U Hauling to Conservative~ville.Time will tell.
For now, whether you score the invite or not,
grab the eggnog and your girl and start hanging
tinsel on your own tree. Forget the Fockers.
24
I curve
DearLipstickand Dipstick:I'm in lovewith a
bisexualfriendof mine,Emily.Sheusedto flirt
with me all the time and it's beenconfusing.
EmilyknowsI'm a lesbian,and I usedto laugh
off all hercome-onsbecauseshehad,andstill
has,a girlfriend.Lately,though,she'sstopped
flirting,and has actuallybeenrudeto me and
madefun of me.Thenshehardlylooksat me or
talksto me. I thinkshe'smadat me becauseI
didn'trespondto herflirtationthe way I probablyshouldhave.I wantto tellherhowI feel,but
I'm soscaredthatshe'llridiculeme,or thatshe
won'tfeelthesameway,orthatshe'llrejectme.
WhatdoI do?-BewilderedBroad
Lipstick:BB, it's time to blow out the candles
and put away the Magic Wand, because she's
not available. She's in a relationship-albeit
a
seemingly unsatisfying one-so back off. As
Tony Soprano would say: Fah~get about it.
The last thing you need is her ex~girlfriend
hiding in the bushes, watching you. Unless, of
course, you're one of those gluttonous dykes
who feed on tears and lezzie drama for break~
fast. If you are, I've been dying to ask you a
simple question: WTF :'
Dipstick:
WTF is right. I used to know a chick
who only pursued women in relationships.
We used to call her Roadhouse Rita and
avoided her like the plague at every Pride
parade. BB, what are you, 10 years old:' Is
Emily also pulling your hair and writing bad
words on your locker:' It sounds like your
ex:
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Lipstick & Dipstick ADVICE
O.K. The hard truth is that you're just a wee
baby. No offense, but I'd run in the opposite
direction, too, if I found myself on a date with
a teenager. The age gap is way too wide here.
You're barely legal! I know it's tough-she's
your first big crush, and no doubt the sexual
DearLipstickand Dipstick:I'm a 19-year-old vibe was intense (it always is at 19)-but she's
who just came out and I met a 33-year-old doing the right thing by pulling away. You
womanat a party recently.I really like her need to move on, too. And don't fret, Blossom,
despiteour age difference,
and I thinkwe're these age distinctions will blur over time.
verycompatible.
We'vehungout a few times,
andthe lasttimewe hungouttherewas a lot Dipstick:
And Lipstick should know a thing or
of sexualtension.We didn'thavesex, but it two about older women.
was intense.Now,it seemslikeshe'savoiding
meandnolongerinterested.
Thisis drivingme Lipstick:
Darn tootin'. I love me some sophisti~
crazy.She'sthefirstwomanI'veeverbeenona cated tail, a woman who's lived and learned.
datewithandI can'tstopthinkingabouther.I
don'tknowwhatto do.-Blossoming
Butch
Dipstick:Back when Dipstick was 19, I fell
hard for the hot 33~year~old peace studies
Lipstick:Hey, 19, I wish I could take you
student. We met at a party and I boldly asked
under my wing and tell you it's all going to be
her out. She had to pick me up, of course,
friend has a bit of a sadistic side. She knows
how to pull you in just to crush you. Afraid
she'll ridicule you? That says it all. Someone
you can't trust with your feelings is not even
worthy of your friendship.
because I didn't have a car. But I took her to
my favorite falafel place and we totally con~
nected. We even made out in her car in front
of my dorm. Honestly, I think that's what
freaked her out. Here I was, just barely out
of my parents' house, living on my own for the
first time, hadn't even declared a major yet,
and she was in that phase of life where she
was trying to decide whether to join the Peace
Corps or adopt a baby. We were attracted to
each other, but it takes more than that for a
relationship to work. You're just coming out,
and your mature beauty is in a really differ~
ent place. I'm sure she's attracted to you, but
she wants to be seduced by an intense Petite
Syrah, not the Concord grape juice from
your lunch box.
Tune in to curvemag.com/lipstickanddipstic
to watchthe The Lipstick& DipstickShow.
Or write to tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
ADVICE Relationships
Coming Out of the Web Closet
Still deciding whether to be out on Facebook?
Make sure your privacy settings haven't already decided for you. By Denise Weldon-Siviy
People outside the LGBT community tend
to see "coming out" as a binary condition: You
are or you aren't. In reality, there are quite
a few steps in between. Increasingly, one of
those steps is deciding whether to come out
on Facebook and other social media.
There are several levels of coming out on
Facebook. Some are obvious. Announcing
that you're In a relationshipand designating
your girlfriend's or wife's name is pretty obvi,
ous. So is selecting Women in the Interested
in portion of your Basic information. Some
are less obvious. Clicking the Like button
for pages related to LG BT issues or causes,
joining related groups or even commenting
on a Friend's status may also announce your
sexual orientation to the public. So, you may
already beout already and simply not realize it.
In our increasingly digital age the day will
come when you will have to decide whether
to be in our out online, but before you decide
whether to come out on Facebook, consider
the following:
1. Howpublicareyou?Many gay and bisexual
women choose not to discuss their orienta,
tion on Facebook because they're basically
private people. They're not ashamed or in
denial. They simply don't think it's anybody's
business. For Christina H., a high,school
language teacher, it's about discretion: "It's
just a privacy thing. I'm not hiding but see no
need to draw attention to it:'Transgender and
genderqueer users find Facebook's options
too limiting. Transguy Drew R. explains,
"I don't have Interested in listed because my
identity is too complex to fit in male/ female
checkboxes:•
2. AreyourFriendsreallyfriends?A Facebook
Friend isn't always a friend. To address this,
Facebook recently added the Close Friend
and Acquaintance designations. If many of
your Friends aren't friends, you may wish
to restrict who can view certain posts.
While this is certainly a potential solution,
it requires you to customize all your posts,
edit default settings and really understand
Facebook privacy settings.
26
I curve
3. So,doyouunderstand
the Facebook
privacy
settings?Very few Facebook users fully
understand who can see what they post, link
to, message, like or comment on. Your Like
for Facebook pages like, Lesbian Herstory
Archives or Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund is
most likely public. So is your membership
in an open Facebook group such as Gay &
Lesbian Pride. While it may seem private
to comment on a Friend's status, it often
isn't. When you interact with someone else's
Facebook page, that page owner sets the
privacy level. Say you comment on Emily's
status about a recent Pride event. Who can
see your comment depends on whether
Emily designated her original post as Public,
for Friends or Custom. Emily may even have
posted to Close Friends or Acquaintances.
Here's a pro,tip on how to stay in control of
your privacy in this scenario. Mouse over the
symbol that appears after Emily's post. The
symbol itself is a clue: a tiny world for Public
(everyone), head profiles for Friends and a
flower symbol for Custom. Mousing over the
symbol provides additional details. It may
note "Shared with: Emily's friends of friends"
or "Shared with: Custom:' Custom doesn't
tell you exactly who Emily shared with, but
it does let you know that she thought about
it and then selected only certain friends to
share with.
4. DoyourFriends
understand
Facebook
privacy
settings?Before you comment on Friends'
posts, it's good to know whether your Friends
understand the Facebook privacy settings.
That's possible, but not likely. Consider the
recent controversy over Facebook's addition
HOW TO BE A CLUTTER COWGIRL
of the scrolling Ticker. No, they weren't
showing anything people hadn't been able
to see before. What the controversy demon,
strated dearly is that Facebook users really
don't understand Facebook privacy settings.
Want to make the most of a small space or curb your girlfriend's
messy ways? Start with a zero tolerance for clutter.
5. Is your i.iber-conservative
grandmother
on
Facebook?
Often in the LGBT community,
extended family is the last to know. How
will Marcie's grandmother react when her
Facebook Ticker lists "Marcie Defasio likes
Proud Lesbian?" What reaction can she expect
from her conservative niecer If your extended
family is on Facebook, that could be problem,
atic. Drew R. removed most of his family from
his Facebook account before coming out as
transgender. Still, he reports, "That backfired
because one of the few cousins I kept ended
up telling that entire side of the family:'
6. HaveyouFriended
yourbossor colleagues?
Ordo youuseFacebook
for job hunting?Not
surprisingly, the issue of orientation and
employment splits heavily by age. Older
women tend to be fairly circumspect in sepa,
rating their private and professional lives.
Younger women, having higher expectations
of tolerance, tend to share the view of Ashley
Birt, a graduate student in Theology at Union
Theological Seminary. "I seek out employers
who claim to be LGBT,friendly. If your
company or organization is really homophobic,
I want to work for you as much as you want
me to work for you:' While Ashley's view is
admirable, women with family and finan,
cial obligations sometimes find themselves
tolerating less than tolerant employersespecially in a difficult economy. For those
women, discretion on Facebook may be an
economic necessity.
Depending on how you use Facebook, you
may find being out online liberating, infor,
mative, annoying (if you need to customize
too many shares) or irrelevant. Ashley finds
it empowering. While she initially locked
down Facebook posts, Ashley changed her
mind after being approached by a student
who sought her out becauseof Facebook. "It
had never occurred to me that being out
online could indicate to others that I could
be a safe and understanding person to talk
to. I've been out to everyone on Facebook
ever since:'
•
I ama neat-freak,
a neuroticNewYork
Jewanda Virgo-I'm veryblessed.ButI
actuallystartedClutterCowgirlasa kidto
helpmyveryA.D.D.-prone
mother.Making
thingsneatandprettyisjust whoI am.As
anadult,I enjoyedhelpingfriendsgettheir
closetsandfilesin orderandtheysuggested
I startmyownbusiness.
I loveddoingit so
I wentfor it! Herearemyfivetipsto keep
clutteroutof yourlife,everyday:
0 Openyourmailandtakeaction!Don'tpile
When you make your
bed each day it sends
out the signal to yourself
and others that this is a
clutter-free zone.
0 Hangupyourclothes
rightafteryoutake
themoff.If youhaveoneshirtandoneskirt
to hangup,it's a lot moremanageable
to
dealwiththanweeksof yourwardrobe
hangingaroundlikedeadbeats.If your
girlfriendseesyoucleaningupandtidying
clothes,hopefullythis registerswith her
andshe'lldothesamefor younexttime.
upyourmailfor days.Thatleadsto grocery
bagsof unopened
creditcardoffersstuffed
in the backof yourcloset.Evenif youjust
opentheenvelopeandput it in yourToDo
pile,that'sonestepcloserto takingthe
appropriate
action.
0 Deleteoldemails.Digitalclutteris just as
drainingas reallife clutterso doyourself
a favorandhit that inboxoncea dayto
saygood-byeto unreadnewsletters,
coupons,completedprojectsand more.
You'llfeel better.
el Makeyourbed.It's mucheasierto pile
yourdirtylaundryandmagazines
ontoan
unmadebed.Whenyoumakeyourbed
eachdayit sendsoutthesignalto yourself
andothersthatthis is a clutter-freezone.
MygirlfriendandI havefallenintothe habit
of alwaysmakingthe bedwhenthe other
oneis in theshower.It's a simplegift to
givetheotherperson.
0 Empty
yourpurseorbagat theendof
theday.Evena neatfreaklike meshoves
tissues,oldgumwrappers,businesscards,
billsandotherjunk intomypurse.At the
endof theday,it's a greathabitto takefive
minutesandclearoutthatday'scraziness.
Dothesameto yourcar.Yournext-day-self
will thank you. (cluttercowgirl.com)
[JeniAron]
December 2011
I 27
LAUGH
TRACK
From Poetry to Punch Lines
Meet literary lesbian turned comic, DeAnne Smith. By Jillian Eugenics
DeAnne Smith describes herself as an "elf
trapped in a man's body, trapped in the body
of a small Persian girl, trapped in a body of
water, trapped in a woman's body;' and I've
also heard her described as the geeky hybrid
love child of Justin Bieber and Harry Potter.
Somewhere between the small Persian girl
and Justin Bieber's hair is a brilliant comic
who's wowing audiences around the globe. As
a result, her shows have been nominated for
numerous awards and she has zipped up the
comic hot lists, ranking No. 3 on Montreal's
Top 10 Comedians list the last two years
running. She's appeared on NBC's Last
Comic Standing, HBO's Funny as Hell and
Australia's Good News Week. DeAnne's
comedy is whip~smart, she's as affable as she
is funny and occasionally she even plays the
ukulele in her live shows. Swoon.
YoumovedfromNewYorkto Montrealin 2004.
Didyoumoveforcomedy?
That was for a relationship that I'm no longer
in. I hadn't started comedy before I moved
there so before I had any direction in my life
I would just do things because of girls. And
so I just moved to Montreal because my
girlfriend wanted to go to mime school and I
was like, all right.
Whatdidyoudobeforemovingto Montreal?
I used to write. I've always written humorous
stuff so I kind of came from a writing place
and then I moved to Montreal and went to
an open mic and once I went to my first open
mic I couldn't stop doing it. At a certain point
I thought it would be easier, and instead of
writing all this, I just got up on stage and
said it. Turns out it's not easier at all. But it
is more fun.
Whatdidyouwrite?
I was like a huge poetry nerd so I would write sonnets and villanelles
and get all excited about that stuff and my poetry ideas. It's quiet,
sincere, semi~dramatic. I used to do poetry and I liked it but then
it occurred to me that if I had a room full of people and I had all of
their attention and I could tell them anything, I would rather make
them laugh than make them feel quietly reflective.
Doyouseeyourself
asCanadian?
2s
I curve
I would like to. I like to pretend that I am when I'm traveling abroad.
I would like to see myself as Canadian but the more I travel the more
I realize I'm an American at heart. I can't shake the upbringing ...
but in a positive way. I think there's a certain kind of friendliness
and openness with Americans. When I'm traveling I always feel like
the typical American because I'm like, hey guys! What's going on?
There's an American enthusiasm. (girlongirlongirlcomedy.com)
POLITICS
The Gift of Giving
It's time to get back to the true meaning of the holiday spirit. By Victoria A. Brownworth
Whatdoyouwantfortheholidays?
It's the question of the season. Even in our
recession-driven economy, the selling of the
holidays starts earlier each year. Holiday
catalogues arrive in late summer. Christmas
and Hanukkah displays are up in stores
before the Halloween decorations are gone.
Retailers make half their annual profits
during the holiday push.
In recent years, however, I have started to
question the whole gift-giving aspect of the
holidays. It isn't that I want to stop giving
gifts-I don't. I really love that part of the
holidays. I just want to change it up a little.
We talk a lot about the spirit of the holidays. I believe that spirit is all about giving.
Yet the whole concept of giving has been
co-opted by the retailers-and by the drive
to acquire stuff that is endemic in our culture. We learn early on to want things, and
the endless advertisements and preholiday
sales make us yearn for stuff we neither
need nor really even want. (For example, I
love those coffeemakers with the individual
coffees in them. But since I don't even drink
coffee, why do I need one?)
30
I curve
Back in early October, I was driving home
late one night. It was nearly 2 a.m. and I was
downtown, which by day is bustling with
the people who live in my city. Shops line
the street where I was driving, but at that
hour it was deserted.
Except for the homeless people.
I never get inured to the homeless. I
don't understand how anyone does. I drive
around with cat food in the trunk of my car
for homeless animals-why wouldn't I help
a homeless human2
I didn't stop for anyone that night, but
I have been thinking about it ever since.
There weren't a lot of homeless women and
men, but they stood out because they were
the only people there. With carts and bags,
and one man also had crutches. You could
see how dirty they were. And there I was,
heading back to my house, where I would
take a shower before I got into bed.
Inside. Warm and clean and safe.
Over the years, I've done several series on
homeless people for newspapers and magazines. I did the first series ever on homeless
people with AIDS nearly 20 years ago. I did
another series on homeless women. And then
a couple of years ago I did a series on homeless LGBT youth that garnered national
acclaim and won me both straight and
queer journalism awards. It wasn't easy
doing any of those series. Some of the
people I interviewed still haunt me. I drove
around and walked around with my bag full
of disposable toothbrushes and bottles of
water and pieces of fruit and lots of change
and cheap pairs of gloves. The hardest part
of doing that kind of investigative work is
how difficult it becomes to explain to yourself why you have so much when other
people have nothing. It's not as simple as
the fact that you went to college and have
always had a job.
I was homeless briefly after college. The
circumstances don't matter. It wasn't longa few months. I was young and tough and I
survived, but I have never forgotten it.
About 10 years after that, I wrote a short
story for the New York publisher I was
under contract with. In the story, the main
character is homeless. She's a graduate student, but she's in a city she doesn't know
well, and she's alone. Some things happen
and she ends up homeless.
My editor rejected the story. She didn't
believe that my character, with her middleclass aspirations and her education, could
end up like that.
I told her that the story was based on
someone I knew. I didn't say it was me,
although it was. She couldn't believe it
because she just couldn't imagine herself
ever being homeless.
If you think about the Christmas story,
though, that's what it's about. There are
Mary and Joseph, traveling to a strange city
to deal with some tax drama and she's pregnant and they aren't married and then the
baby is born and they are outside in a barn,
not inside, where it's warm and clean and
safe. Jesus was born to a couple of homeless
people.
When exactly did we forget that part
of the Christmas story and start thinking
it was about those little blue boxes from
Tiffany's, or something sleek from Sharper
Image, or maybe that special coffeemaker
from Macy's?
When did the right-wingers, who talk
about the holidays being hijacked by the
secularists, forget that Jesus wasn't some
guy crowned in glory but that little homeless baby with his homeless parents, who
could just as easily be living in one of the
tent cities that are rising all across the
country today?
I want people to get back to what the spirit
of the holiday season is about. It's definitely
about giving. But is it about running up the
charge cards or outdoing your partner with
a better-read more extravagant-gift?
-•aav-~>
Task Force I
Host Hotel
My spin on the holiday season is that we
should be giving our friends and family the
present of a gift to someone who doesn't
have anything. You can still help the economy
with your purchase power. And you can
wrap up a note telling your friend or your
family member or your lover what you gave
to someone who needed a gift.
What about toys for those kids who might
I drivearoundwith cat
food in the trunk of
my car for homeless
animals-why wouldn't I
help a homelesshuman?
Premier Marketing Partner
Sur/comberBEA<H(~~~ON
IV\ /"\
MIAMII SOUTHBEACH
not get anyr What about a winter coat for a
woman who can't afford oner What about
buying five or 10 gift cards and giving them
to the residents of a women's shelter? What
about giving a book to every fourth-grader
in an inner-city school? What about adopting a family through one of your local social
service agencies and getting them everything
on their wish list? What about sponsoring
a child for a year through one of the many
reputable international charities?
We consume so much in America. Yet
all across this country there are people with
nothing. This year, you could really change
someone's life for the holidays.
Give the gift of giving. It's the one thing
you can be totally sure you will never want
to exchange later for something else.
(.)
GREYOOOSE:
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December 2011
I 31
In New York City, queer women of color under 24 are at risk
of homelessness. Story and Photos by Samantha Box
•
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trying to
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ace.
Since 2005, I have documented members of New York
City's homeless LGBT youth community, basing myself
at Sylvia's Place, a private shelter run by the Metropolitan
Community Church of New York City. Named for Sylvia
Rivera, the heroine of the Stonewall Rebellion, who was
herself homeless as a young person, Sylvia's Place is the
only emergency shelter in N.Y.C. specifically designated
for homeless LGBT youth. With only room for around 30
young people, they are constantly at maximum capacity.
LGBT youth account for close to 50 percent of the
nation's homeless population; in New York City alone, it
is conservatively estimated that 8,000 LGBT young people
are homeless every night. The causes of LGBT youth
homelessness are widespread, and range from coming out
and being kicked out, to the inequalities perpetuated by
growing up in an society which criminalizes individuals
32
I curve
and families of color, and keeps them locked in a cycle of
instability and poverty, and caught in the systems of welfare,
foster care and incarceration. Even without the burden of
a recession, the paths out of homelessness for these young
people are few and far between: societal homophobia and
transphobia prevents access to many homeless services,
keeping these kids on the streets.
The kids that I photograph are incredibly talented
young adults who yearn to be poets, lawyers, filmmakers,
artists, chefs, to have a home and a family and a life of
stability-but
they face a broken system that conspires
to keep them homeless, and demands that they fend for
themselves on the streets.
These are the faces of the homeless in America todaywhen you walk anywhere through the city, you're passing
kids like this.
December 2011 I 33
C visits her mother's grave.
Her mother's death forced C
into the foster care system.
---------------OF
34
I curve
LG~TYCJUTH
ACCOUNT
EORCLOSEID
50 PERCENT
THE
NATICJN'S
HCJMELESS
POPULATICJN.
December 2011 I 35
E in M's apartment,
acquired via a program
for single mothers, which
has since been cut.
36
I curve
EVENWITHOUTTHEBURDEN
OFA RECESSION,
THEPATHS
OUTOF HOMELESSNESS
FOR
-IHESE
YOUNGPEOPLEARE--FEWANDFARBETWEEN.
December 2011
I 37
38
I curve
E, showing her tattoo
illustrating her bond with
her chosen sister, V.
You can help by volunteering your
time or making a donation to:
Sylvia's Place/MCCNY Homeless
Youth Services (mccny.org)
New Alternatives for Homeless
LGBT Youth (newaltemativesnyc.org)
Y(JLJ
(~ANHELP
December 2011
I 39
With the launch of her new jewelry line
Casa Por Vida, The Real L Word star
Romi Klinger proves she's got more to
offer than just steamy sex scenes.
By Rashida Harmon
Evenin glitzy,fashion-obsessed
LosAngeles,
Romi Klinger
stands out. With her piled~on jewelry and expertly dishev~
eled hair, the reality TV star turned jewelry designer's
personal style made her a fan favorite (and frequent object
of infatuation) as a cast member of Showtime's The Real
L Word. From the very first moment viewers caught a
glimpse of the Pasadena native's signature feather earring,
hoards of Romi~lookalikes started cropping up at dyke
bars everywhere. It was then that Klinger knew she was
onto something.
Eager to capitalize on the phenomenon, Klinger has
been hard at work launching her latest collection of acces~
sories for Casa Por Vida, the fashion line she founded this
year as a response to her newfound status as a lesbian style
icon. "People copy me. It's flattering and I hope to put out
a line that lets them have a piece of that;' she says. "But I
hope that people have fun with it and don't take it very
serious because I don't take fashion serious at all:'
Casa Por Vida's debut collection is a continuation of
the work Klinger began when The Real L Word was still
filming. The resulting collection, called Hija Por Vida, was
a collaboration between Klinger, her then~business partner
Vanessa Salazar and Love and Pride, an online LGBT
jewelry distributor. Now working solo, Klinger's new line
is kind of like Hija's more daring sister, with louder state~
ment pieces like copper cuffs lined with rabbit fur and
massive uncut Agate stone rings.
The collection is deeply personal, drawing inspiration
from her Mexican heritage, and 10 percent of all proceeds
go to Corazon, a charity that builds homes in Mexico,
which Klinger sees as her way of giving back to her late
father's side of the family. Candy~colored hacienda tiles
dangle from one of Casa's necklaces, a direct reference to
40
Icurve
the tiles Klinger's father laid down in her house before he
died of cancer in 2007. "It's my therapeutic way of kind of
getting to know that side of me-the Latin side of me and
that culture;' says Klinger. "It's a side of me that I haven't
really gotten to be a part 0£ with my dad not being here
and my mom being white. I felt like it was kind of my way
of keeping in touch with my dad:'
Aside from its cultural significance, the collection serves
as a tangible reminder of how much has changed since
Klinger first appeared in TheRealL Word season one as one
of ladykiller Whitney Mixter's many love interests. She says
her restored work ethic is a direct result of her newfound
sobriety, which she wrestled with throughout the show's
most recent season. Her struggle with alcoholism pushed
her deeper and deeper into a professional and personal
slump, straining both her productivity and her relation~
ship with on~again~off~again girlfriend Kelsey Chavarria.
"It took a good part of my life away from me-not like in
a dramatic way-but it definitely took away the amount of
time that I could have been working on me;' Klinger says.
"So right now, because I'm not hungover, I have the time to
get up and make things happen:'
Klinger credits The Real L Word crew and the constant
presence of cameras as being critical in her realization that
she had a problem. She has no regrets about being a part
of the series and will always be grateful for the profound
effect it had on her. "I think that Showtime will forever be
a blessing in my life, honestly, the whole experience;' she
says. "You can get away with being drunk and blacking out
and just doing those things when no one's watching and
you just have yourself to live with that, but when you have
a camera on you and you're blacking out and you don't
remember conversations or nights-that
was scary to
know that these people are going to see this. I'm not hiding
this from anybody:'
Being thrust into the spotlight during such a challenging
time in her life wasn't easy, particularly when it came to the
heartbreaking collapse of her relationship with Chavarria.
But fans of the show can rest easy knowing that the couple
is back together-for now-and happier than ever.
The pair's notorious "scissoring" scene, much like
Klinger's sex scene with Mixter in the first season, has
gotten the show a lot of attention, not all of it positive.
Some critics have denounced the show as pure pornography,
while others have argued that the show caters exclusively
to straight male viewers. Klinger is quick to respond that
the show's frank portrayal of lesbian sexuality is one
of its strong suits, as it exposes otherwise uninformed
viewers-straight
or not-to
what lesbians actually do
in the bedroom.
"If you take away sex, you take away a lot of the reason
why we're lesbians;' she says. "If you take away all the sex
and just have the emotional shit and all these women crying
and breaking up and dating and that shit, you're losing [the
fact that] we're in love with each other, we're passionate
with each other, we're able to be together:'
Surprisingly, in Klinger's experience, those most critical
of the show have been fellow members of the LGBT
42
Icurve
community, with some saying the show has set lesbians on
television back decades due to its highly sexualized focus.
"They want to put us down like we're setting people back
but we're not;' she says. "We're showing so many people
that we're completely like everybody else. We have sex. We
cry. We are messed up. We can start our own businesses.
We have dreams. I don't understand it. I think I'm proud
of the women that I'm on the show with and I think that
they're all very, very strong and have amazing stories:'
It remains to be seen whether we're going to hear more
of those stories-Showtime
has yet to renew The Real
L Word for a third season, but fans and cast members
remain hopeful. In the meantime, Klinger is busy building
her Casa Por Vida brand, with plans in the works to
expand the line to include men's wear, apparel and even
pet accessories. With her 30th birthday looming, Klinger
is feeling added pressure to plan for her future. "If my
business goes well and I'm able to take care of myself and
live an OK life and have a family of my own, I've made it:'
(casaporvida.com)
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BY EDIE STULL
PHOTOS BY WILLIAMS + HIRAKAWA
December 2011
I 45
t usually takes years to find out everything about
your partner, but for Glee actor Jane Lynch and her wife, Lara
Embry, progress along that learning curve has been almost as
fast-paced as Lynch's skyrocketing career. The couple can thank
Happy Accidents for that.
Lynch, with Embry's help, recently wrote a memoir and named it
for the mileposts in her life that she identifies as "happy accidents."
The book, published by HyperionNoice, hit No. 17 on the New
York Times best seller list in October-the irony of which is not
lost on Lynch.
"It's amazing;' she says. "Who'd have thunk it, after I
flunked my English test at Arthur Andersen when I was
trying to get a job there back in the '80s:'
In Happy Accidents, Lynch tells her life story-from
her childhood in Chicago, through college, grad school
and her early acting career, all the way up her sometimes,
rocky climb to success. The book is funny and honest. The
personal stuff is all in there.
"I just try to tell the truth as best I can ... I dedicate the
book to all those kids who are embarking on their own hero's
journey-who
are courageously answering the call:'
Lynch hopes that young people who read the book
will be comforted by hearing about some of her trials and
tribulations. "I am able to look back and go, 'You know, I
would not have changed a thing in my life, but I would
have changed the quality of how I underwent it: I would
not have suffered over my suffering so much:'
The memoir is just one more achievement in a long list
of successes for the 51,year,old. She has been called one
of the busiest actors in the business, appearing in dozens
of television, film and stage projects, rarely saying no to
any offer. "I would do it as a hobby, if I had to work some,
where else;' she adds.
46
I curve
Thanks to a little TV show called
Glee,hobby acting is probably not
in her future, and she can be more
selective in her projects. Her por,
trayal of the snarky cheerleading
coach Sue Sylvester has given her a
steady gig, an Emmy and a Golden
Globe, and the visibility and popu,
larity she has been working toward for years.
In the book, Lynch is candid about how the route to
her current success was pretty much all uphill. She had
self,image issues, struggled with her sexuality and abused
alcohol. She pulls no punches in her assessment of the
younger, evolving Lynch and has no reservations about
putting her life, faults and all, out there for the whole
world to see.
"I found so much empowerment from pulling the covers
on myself and seeing what's underneath there ... ! don't
have any shame around anything, and it is all stuff that
I've dealt with. I'm not afraid to talk about it:'
Today, she works at managing her anxiety, lives openly
as a lesbian and has not had a drink in 20 years (since
1991). Writing a book was not on her to,do list. "It was
another one of those happy accidents ... ! have done so
many things in my life that I never saw myself doing, that
ended up just being great experiences-this
being one of
them. Just through a series of events I found myself having a
book deal and having three months to write it. My wife
really was my co,writer ... she's the reason this thing is
readable and that it makes sense. I did a lot of stream,of,
consciousness writing, and she made it make sense:'
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Embry admits to having fun with the process. "Most of
the time it was a lot of laughs. I am a psychologist, so I
listen to people's stories-how
they work out how they
got to where they are in life-and I help them make sense
of it. In writing this book, I got to do it with the woman I
love the most. Her stories are funny, and she remembers
fantastic amounts of detail. .. we had a lot of laughs. Every
once in a while it was a little trying because we had not
worked together, so we had to figure that out. But it was
mostly just a fantastic, fun experience where I got to learn
about my wife. It was a crash course in Jane Lynch:'
While Embry knew a lot about Lynch's life already,
she was surprised and moved by some of the stories in
the book, especially Lynch's rejection of her best friend
in high school. "She was so afraid of being gay that she
could not handle his openness-it
was the experience of
internalized homophobia, until you accept yourself. It was
emotionally trying for her and destructive to a friendship
that she cared so much for;' Embry says. Lynch has since
put that relationship back together, she adds.
48
I curve
Lynch and Embry make a great team. In their first year
of marriage, in addition to writing the book, they did a few
other things that have been known to destroy a marriage:
They moved across the country, Embry left her psychology
practice and they renovated a house.
The couple met in San Francisco, at the National Center
for Lesbian Rights 2009 Gala. Lynch, who played attorney
Joyce Wischnia on The L Word, was there to present an
award to Ilene Chaiken, the creator of the show. Embry,
an NCLR client, was at the gala to receive their Justice
Award for her fight to retain shared custody of a former
partner's child. In a previous relationship, Embry and her
domestic partner in Washington State had each given birth
to a child and adopted the non-biological child through
second-parent adoption. When the relationship ended
several years later in Florida, they shared custody of
both children until Embry's ex decided to end all contact
with Embry and separate the children. In May 2009, the
Florida Court of Appeals unanimously reversed a lower
court's ruling and held that Florida must recognize adoptions granted to same-sex couples by other states.
The night of the gala, Embry and Lynch immediately
realized their mutual attraction and began a cross-country
courtship that culminated in their wedding on May 31,
2010, in Massachusetts, a year to the day after they met.
Embry's daughter, Haden, has brought an added dimension, parenthood, to Lynch's life-one that she wasn't sure
she would ever see-and she loves it, although she recognizes
the challenges it creates.
"It is always more difficult to balance when you have to
consider other people. I have a daughter and a wife now, so
I have to think twice about everything and go, 'Now wait a
minute, can I do this:' Should I do this:" I am thinking for
three now and they are too ... a lot has shifted:'
But sharing her success with her new family makes it
even better. "Oh my gosh, yes. We are very aware of how
we are breathing rarified air with our life right now:'
Embry also has had to make some major adjustmentsespecially when she was living in Florida and Lynch was
living in Los Angeles and Glee was just about to change
their lives. "We could see in the first year we were together
that Glee was going to continue to be on the air, so it kind
of made the decision for us that if we were going to live in
the same place I would have to leave Florida;' says Embry.
"Honestly, it has been a great ride ... any problems we have
are champagne problems ... there is nothing to complain
about. I am getting my footing in L.A., figuring out what
I am going to be doing here:'
Since the move, Embry has started rowing with the
California Yacht Club, and has completed her first 545mile AIDS/LifeCycle ride from San Francisco to L.A.
"This was the first time I was on a bicycle for a week at
any point in my life ... I am a rower not a rider and it was
intimidating and challenging, and I am really glad that
I did it:'
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But Lynch's expanding popularity has meant that both
of them are recognized more in public and must deal with
the paparazzi. "That has been different for me;' Embry
says."Because I was a psychologist, my job was to be present
but not be recognized. My private life was very private and
I don't have that anymore, which is odd, but the tradeoff is
that Jane has a great career and we get to have a lot of fun
and eat good food and live a good life:' She has found that
most of the fans they meet in public are very respectful,
and sometimes Lynch is not recognized at all.
Lynch is enjoying the Happy Accidents book tour, despite
some initial concerns. "I thought I'd need to have notes
and it turns out that if I go up there with my newfound
philosophy of just trusting my life, I know exactly what to
say. I know exactly how to answer the questions ... ! have
bared it all, so I am not hiding anything anymore. It has
been a very satisfying experience:'
The tour also has given Lynch more face time with fans.
"On television, you don't get that kind of connection ... !
was at a college and met girls with tears in their eyes who
said they are in the process of coming out and what they
read about my coming out inspired them and made them
feel better. I just said, 'Hang in there, you are doing great:
I am so touched by that:'
She knows she has become a role model, even though
she didn't set out to be. "Especially for gay kids out
there, in places where their sexuality is not embraced
and their orientation is shunned, I hope they get some
succor seeing how I live my life-very openly. I don't
scream and yell about it, but I am not ashamed about it
either. I have a lovely wife and a child and I'm living a
pretty happy existence:'
Even more happiness came Lynch's way when her comedy
idol, Carol Burnett, said she would write the foreword
for Happy Accidents. "It meant the world to me. She was
my first comedy crush. I fantasized about being in that
ensemble-then,
40 years later, to hook up with her where
she plays my mother [on Glee]... I had Easter brunch with
her this year ... she's my friend! And that she agreed to do
this, and she recorded the audio book ... it's outlandish:'
Then, as if things couldn't get better, Lynch scored hosting
duties at the 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards. "I was very
pleased with it;' she says. "I was very nervous. I was very
aware of what a coveted spot this is. I would be lying to
you if I didn't tell you that I wanted it to be spectacular. I
was very proud of the opening number, and after we did
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the live part that night and I didn't take a face plant, I was
like, 'This is great. I'm going to have fun ... I've got funny
jokes to say:"
There is no question that Lynch is riding pretty
high these days, and while "happy accidents" may have
helped her along the way, her success is rooted in years
of hard work. She ends her memoir with a quote from
Carol Brady, whom she played, early in her career, on stage
in Chicago in The Real Live Brady Bunch: "Find what it
is you do best and do your best with it:' Embry had the
quote engraved on a locket that Lynch now wears.
"It's pretty simple-and the work there is finding what
it is you are best at. What feels the best:' What do you
excel at:' Can I do this for the rest of my life:' And then just
go at it and that's all you have to
HIGHLIGHTS FROM
HAPPY ACCIDENTS
"If I couldgo backin time andtalk to my
twenty-year-old
self,the first thingI would
sayis: 'Losethe perm.'SecondlyI wouldsay:
'Relax.Really.Just relax.Don'tsweatit.'"
"I couldnot seemto stopmyselffrom being
sucha bitch.As my momwouldcall it, I was
actinglike 'MadameFullCharge.'"
"I checkedherout.Larawasa brightlight,all
shinyandglowy,andhadthe mostbeautiful
smile... I wasimmediatelysmitten.''
"I can't remembera time whenI wasn't
anxiousandfearfulthatthe paradewouldpass "WhatI foundmostdelightfulwashowmuch
me by... I hada driving,anxiety-filledambition. shelovedHaden... Shebeautifullymirrored
Haden'sbrightlight backto her.''
I wantedto be a workingactorso badly.''
December 2011
I 49
FAMILIES OF
In Waiting in the Wings, Cherrie Moraga's groundbreaking work on queer motherhood,
Moraga writes of her "rigid conviction" that lesbians on the more masculine side of the
spectrum aren't really women; they are "women-lovers, a kind of third sex, and most
definitely not men:' What Moraga was talking about has become known as genderqueer,
an emerging political identifier for gender identities outside of heteronormativity.
In this new gender non-conforming movement, people identify as bi-gender, boigirl,
girlboi, girlfag, guydyke or pansexual, among many others. The lines between gender
identity and sexual orientation are becoming more blurred, but how does this come
into play when someone who identifies as genderqueer decides to become a parent:
so I curve
VALUE
Previously, 31~year~old Grey Sanchez identified as a butch
lesbian, but about two years ago that began to change as
Sanchez started to embrace her masculine identity and the
"genderqueer" label suited her. Sanchez and her partner
Arthi Varma have a young child, Anjali. The couple
has been together for six years and in their family and in
Sancheis extended family, the behavior therapist takes on
a traditionally masculine role, seeing herself as the head of
her household and as the brother to her five siblings.
"Though I am masculine, the genderqueer identifier allows
me to still embrace my femininity, which is important to
me in how I relate to Arthi, our daughter, and my four sis~
ters because as a woman, I understand what they're going
through;' Sanchez says.
Masculine-identified and pregnant?
In Los Angeles, genderqueer parenting
is gaining support. By Tina Vasquez
Growing up, Sanchez never questioned whether or not
she would have children and when she met Varma, just
three days after moving to L.A. from the San Francisco
Bay Area, love quickly developed. In 2009 the pair decided
to start the process for having a baby, eventually deciding
on an open donor. Coming from a traditional, Mexican
Catholic family added another layer of complication to
Sanchez's identity. Though it's common knowledge that
Anjali calls her "papi;' getting into the specifics with her
family about what it means to be genderqueer is too compli~
cated. "I do feel like family members have questions and
may not fully understand my masculine orientation, but
they support and respect me as I am and are very accepting
and loving of Arthi and Anjali;' Sanchez says.
December 2011
I 51
Even in Los Angeles, Sanchez encounters less than tolerant attitudes. Recently at a party, a woman asked Sanchez
if she was Anjali's mother. When Sanchez responded that
she identified as Anjali's father, the woman said, "Yeah,
yeah-but you're her mom, right:"' For many, taking gender
identity into account when it comes to families is too much
to ask.
"People are just getting used to the two moms or two
dads paradigm, so bringing gender identity into the mix is
going to take a long time for some to get used to;' Sanchez
says. "I didn't have any reservations about having a child,
but as Anjali gets older I think about what she'll have to
face. Regardless of how the outside world sees our family,
we can still give love and if the base of your family is love,
then your family is strong. When she gets older, we'll
explain that we are just one of many family types:'
Daddy's girl: Sanchez and Anjali
get in some quality playtime
52
I curve
Like many couples, Sanchez and Varma sought out
a like-minded community in the Los Angeles area that
understood their family, but what they encountered was
less than inspiring. LGBT family groups contained fewif any-people of color and all assumed a two moms/ two
dads approach that Sanchez and Varma could not relate
to. It was particularly important to Sanchez that Anjali
encountered other same-sex couples that celebrate Mother's
Day and Father's Day.
"Though we have the same values as any other family, it's
important to us that Anjali knows that gender is not a binary
identity and sexuality is a spectrum, and we want her to see
how that plays out in families outside of our own:'
While Varma was still pregnant, she and Sanchez attended
Butch Voices, an Oakland, Cali£-based conference for all
who self-identify as masculine of center. There they met
Jane Ward and as Sanchez puts it, "it felt like fate:'
Along with her genderqueer-identified partner Kat
Ross, Ward is founder of L.A. Genderqueer Parenting, a
small but powerful community for genderqueer parents
or genderqueer individuals who are considering children.
Ward, who identifies as "genderqueer desiring," had absolutely no interest in having children-until
she met Ross
while performing in a queer burlesque group.
''As a women's studies professor I knew enough about
heteronormativity to know that it would impact a child
or a family if I chose to go that route, but that's not the
reason I decided to hold off;' Ward said. "I had feminist
concerns; I didn't see childbirth as the pinnacle of womanhood and I definitely didn't identify with all of the
new age-y goddess rhetoric about being a mother. From
a queer place, I'm not into the gay baby boom, but when
I met Kat everything sort of fell into place. I was finally
with someone who was genderqueer, mature and reliable,
so once we decided to have a baby I became excited about
having a gender-free family:'
After five years together, Ward gave birth to their son
Yarrow and the couple made a conscious decision to minimize the relevance of gender in his life. According to Ward,
having gender be an option for Yarrow allows him to cultivate his own unique identity. Ward and Ross put as many
girl objects in his path as they do boy objects and they let
Yarrow gravitate toward whatever feels natural to him,
whether it's toy cars or pink sparkly shoes, both of which
he has and loves.
Like Sanchez, it took having a child to make Ward aware
of how dismal the offerings were for genderqueer parents
in supposedly progressive Southern California. It was also
shocking how many gay and lesbian parents were raising
gender normative children.
"Genderqueer is a new generational movement, so L.A.
Genderqueer Parenting has the potential to help a lot of
people navigate the murky waters of what it means to be a
genderqueer parent. With lesbian mothers, there's always a
mom and mommy or mom and mama. There's also a birth
0
ai
::J
a:
a:
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a:
mother and 'other mother: None of that was desirable to
Kat and I because it seems like one has supremacy over the
other; there shouldn't be a second tier mother;' Ward says.
"In this particular regard, straight people have it made; there
are two distinct people with parental authority. As a society,
we recognize that femaleness and maleness don't dictate
occupation, so why should it dictate parental roles? For us,
it just made sense to associate the mom and dad titles with
our gender identities, which is why Kat is a dyke dad:'
L.A. Genderqueer Parenting meets for family picnics and
on evenings where adult members talk about everything
from midwives and doulas to being masculine,identified
and pregnant; the group has created a safe space for gender,
queer parents to openly discuss issues surrounding family.
What Ward, 37, did not anticipate was having teenagers
and twenty,somethings, many of whom do not have chil,
dren, join or reach out to her via the group's Facebook page.
A young transman even brought his girlfriend and parents
to a recent picnic-and if you are born female and identify
as a dad, chances are you need support.
"Queer parents are very different than gay parents;' says
Ward. "Whereas gay parents say,'Hey neighbors, we're just
like you; queer parents are not following the script in that
way. It's about more than saying you'd be OK with your kid
if they were gay. It is about actively cultivating your child's
queerness and being excited by the prospect that they may
add something new and totally unfamiliar to your family. It
doesn't matter how you identify-gay, straight, lesbianyou don't have to be queer or genderqueer in order to create
the opportunity for your child to explore
GENDERQUEER PARENTS AND THE LAW
As staff attorneyat the National
Centerfor LesbianRights(NCLR),
CathySakimuraalsoserves
as the directorof the Family
Protection
Project,whichimproves
accessto familylaw servicesfor
low-incomesame-sexfamilies,
with a focusonfamiliesof
color.Sakimuraalsosits onthe
boardof directorsfor COLAGE,
a
nationalmovementof children,
youth,andadultswith oneor
moreLGBTparents.According
to Sakimura,herearethe things
LGBTindividualsshouldknow
beforestartinga family:
Overthe lastthreedecades,
courtsin nearlyeverystatehave
recognized
that a parentcannot
losecustodyjust becauseof their
sexualorientation.
no lawsregardingspermdonors
or onlyhavelawsthat apply
to marriedwomen-in these
states,a spermdonorcouldbe
treatedat a legalparentunless
Marriedtransgenderparentswho a courtterminateshis rights.An
A secondparentadoptionallows
havea childwith a different-sex agreementwith a spermdonor
a non-biological
parentto adopt
spouseshouldbe recognized
as a by itselfdoesnot guarantee
that
withoutcuttingoff the rightsof a
parentin moststates.
the donorwon't bea parentbiologicalparent.In manystates,
youalsoneedto makesureyou
anycouplecanadopta child
Regardless
of whereyoulive,it's
followthe lawsin yourstate.
together.
importantfor all non-biological
Writtenagreements
with sperm
parentsto getan adoptionor
donorsareveryimportantand
Forparentswhohavenotadopted, othercourtjudgmentrecognizing shouldalwaysbesignedbefore
manystatesalsorecognizethat
theirparentage
if possible,
even
youbegininseminating.
the non-biological
parentcanstill if theythinktheyshouldbeautoseekcustodyor visitationif the
maticallyrecognized
as a parent. Tofind out aboutlawsin your
couplebreaksup.
state,checkout NCLR'spublicaStateshaveverydifferentlaws
tion LegalRecognition
of LGBT
Forsame-sexcoupleswhohave
aboutspermdonors.Somesay
Families,at nclrights.org.
Jointhe
childrenwhiletheyaremarried,
a spermdonoris nota parent
L.A.Genderqueer
Parentinggroup
in a civil union,or in a compreandhasno rights,othershave
on Facebook.
Fewercaseshaveaddressed
transgenderparentsin custody
cases,butthe samereasoning
fromthe casesinvolvingLGB
parentsapplies.
hensivedomesticpartnership
that is recognized
bytheir home
state,bothparentscanbe recognizedautomatically.
December 2011
I 53
FuManchuFinery
Whaturbangal canresist
an ironicallymustachioed
accessory?
Forwhisker
chic,lookno furtherthan
PipRobbinshandmade
scarfs,whichfeature
a hand-cutleather
mustacheon greycotton.
Alsoavailablein vegan
materials.($34,
piprobins.etsy.com)
2
3
4
5
StartTelephoning
Me
We'restill gagaover
Gaga,heramazingmusic
andhardcorestandfor
queerrights.Showyour
approvalandmakea
statementeachdaywith
the iPhone4 casefrom
the LadyGagaMobile
Collection.Staytrue,
LittleMonsters!($30,
luxmobilegroup.com)
Don'tStopTheMusic
Keepin'it old schoolwith
yourmusicon vinyl?The
daysof storingyour
collectionin milk crates
areover.Displayyour
favesin quick-release
frames,whichmakesfor
easyaccesswhenit's
time to rockout.($62,
artvinyl.com)
NicelyFramed
Nerdychic is hot.Look
to WarbyParker's
boutique-style
framesto
getyourRachelMaddow
on withoutbreakingthe
bank.Plus,their buy-apair,give-a-pairprogram
makesthis purchasea
no-brainer.
Theyhave
monoclestoo! ($95,
warbyparker.com)
ListenHere
Ober-hipheadphones
in an arrayof designer
rainbowcolorsis music
to our ears-mustard,
raspberryandindigo.
($35,urbanears.com)
ReadyToRumble
Associateeditorandi.iber-busy
ladyJillian
Eugenios
combinesher loveof nostalgiawith
the form-meets-function
Rumbaslapwatch.
Whohastime to fastena watchwhenyou're
thinkingup waysto takeoverthe worldwith
yourfavoritecrewof lesbians?
($25,rumbatime.com)
6
You-a-Thon
Measureyourhealth
andyourheartratewith
the MyTrakM2Personal
SmartCoach.It's like
havinga personaltrainer
in yourpocket.Setyour
goal,clip it on andgo.
($100,mytrak.com)
December 2011
I 55
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9
SafetyFirst
If thereis oneitemthat belongs
undereverylovedone'stree
it's the SafetyStick.Featuresa
flashlight,flashingLEDstrobe
light,seatbelt cutterandsteelpointedhammer(designedto
turn anycar windowintoan
emergencyexit).Hittingthe
roadhasneverbeensafer.
($25,safetybright.com)
MaximumHeadroom
BadBois
Tiredof sunglasses
that are
There'sreallyno needto shopin
too small,too girlieanddon't
the men'ssection.Embraceyour
standup to the greatoutdoors? innertomboyeverydaywith Boi
Fatheadzeyewearpresents
Apparel'stanks,topsandtees.
fashionable,
wide-frame,no-fuss ($15andup,boiapparel.com)
shadesfor big girls.($29andup,
fatheadz.com)
11
12
13
TheseBootsAreMade
Whyruina the lineof your
favoritebootlegjeanswith a
rubberbandaroundthe ankle
or by pullingyoursocksup over
them?Thereis a moreelegant
wayto keepyourjeansin your
bootswith BootlegzCuffIt.
($20,bootlegz.net)
PowerDyke
Jumpstartyourvehicle,power
up smallappliancesandfill flat
tires with the CobraElectronics
CJIC250Jumpstarter/
Powerpack.
It just isn't your
styleto getstrandedanywhere.
($90,cobra.com)
SnuggleUp
Notmanysleepingbagsareso
sturdyandultralightthat they
canpackintoa wadsmaller
thanyourdownjacket.Perfect
for lightcamping,alpineclimbs
or summerroadtrips with your
girl. ($219,marmot.com)
BuckleUp
What'sthe keyto yourdapperdyke'sheart?A hot
accessory.
ForcolumnistKathyBeige(akaDipstick)
it doesn'tgetmuchhotterthana fiercebeltbuckle
liketheonesfromPrincessandButch.Ourpick:
theirHulabuckle.($40,princessandbutch.com)
56lcurve
LuggingMy Lap In Luxury
ColumnistGinaDaggett(aka
Lipstick)suggestsyoucarry
youriWorldaroundin stylethis
Christmasin Matt+ Nat'sRituallaptop
bag.Madewith 100percentrecycled
greyfauxsuedeliningthe bagfeatures
lots of pocketsto holdall your
iObsessions.
($180,mattandnat.com)
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17
Hello,Pretty
Domestic
Diva
Nomoredesperatehouse- Wantto showyourlove
of HelloKittyin a subtle,
wife! Getinto the kitchen
sophisticatedway?This
with theseglamourgirl,
sterlingsilver ringtops
vintage-inspiredaprons
(with matchingpot holdthe cute cat's trademark
bowwith a singledazzling
ers).Perfectfor holiday
or everydayentertaining,
zirconia.It's the perfect
wayto showyour love
wear nothingunderneath
for extrasauce!($32,
for the iconicfeline.
carolynskitchenonline.com) ($85,sanrio.com)
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19
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21
Dr.Lippy
Thedaysof scrapingthe
bottomof yourfavorite
tube of lipstickare over.
Mix and makeyourown
lipstickor repairbroken
tubeswith the easy,super
fun LipstixRemixsystem.
RachelRaylovesitand
we think youwill, too.
($20,lipstixremix.com)
L WordEssence
Wearthe sophisticated
fragranceof yourfavorite
lesbianTVserieswith the
elegantL Wordperfume,
developedby FredSegal.
Greenvioletleafpaired
with sandalwood
andmusk
makefor a scentthat is
passionate
andpowerful.
($75,loveandpride.com)
TheSwitchShift
Runningto the gym,the
officeandthenthe party,
with a differentbagfor
eachstop?Don'tlet what's
importantget lost in the
hustle.Changebagseasily
with the Coreorganizer.
Andnexttime a cute girl
asksfor yournumber,
findinga penwon't be a
problem.($200andup,
inouis.com)
UrbanRainbow
Lookingfor glitz andglamourthis holiday?Lookno
furtherfor sheercosmetic
wondermentthan Urban
Decay.Newthis yearis
their show-stopping24/7
travel-sizeset of Glide-On
Eyepencils-availablein
ElectricandNaked-and
lusciousStardustSparkling
lip gloss.Ourpick,
Andromedafor a pucker
that pops.($19andup,
urbandecay.com)
December 2011
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HomoHotPants
Doesit get anyhotterthanyour
womanin boyshorts?Thisyear,
giveyourtitillatingtomboythe gift
of Boqariseamlessunderwearand
tanktops.Madefrom an ultra-soft
andbodyhuggingnylonblend,
theseuniquechoniesareas cozy
as theyaresexy.Don'tworry,we
won'ttell herit's secretlya gift for
you,too.($40,boqari.com)
FlowerPower
TheCallawaterproof
silicone
vibratoris prettyandperfectfor
internalandexternalstimulation. Fivespeeds,threepulsation
patterns(anda turbobutton!)plus
its ergonomically-designed
loop
handleguarantees
a greatride.
Rechargeable,
waterproof,ecofriendly.($108,goodvibes.com)
You'reMy Heroine
Don'tseeyourselfor the objectof
yourdesiresin lesbianerotica?No
problem.Putyouandyourgirl (or
fantasylover)intothe storywith
thesepersonalized
sexynarratives.
Yourdetailsfeatureon everypage,
makingit the ultimatebedtime
read.($40,ustarnovels.com)
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FancyPants
Bustoutthoseinheriteddiamonds
becausethe CrystalBlueMinx
harnessis just what it sounds
like-the harnessyoumightwear
whilerollingaroundon faux-fur,
fireside,with a celesbian.Adding
instantglam,the corset-tiedback
panelhasthe versatilityto fit
30"-60" hipsandis sureto inspire
morethanjust a kissunderthe
mistletoe.($175,aslanleather.com)
RaiseHerTemperature
Staveoff bedroomboredomwith
someadultadornmentsandgames
fromAthena'sHomeNovelties.
Lover'sScrolls,NippleGems
andLovePokerareperfectfor
youandyourpartnerto warmup
the weatherinside.($10 andup,
athenashn.com)
GiveHerthe Finger
Twois producedby lesbian-owned,
Paris-based
companyWetForHer.
Thisnon-phallic,body-safesex
toy will giveyoua wholeother
perspectiveon penetration.
Andit's alsosuper-affordable.
($39,wetforher.us)
SensationRevelation
Contributing
writerYanaTallon-Hicks
suggestsyoucoaxyour
girl intothe bedroomwith LELO'snewSenseMotion
remotecontrolledvibrator,Lyla.LELOhasshakenup the egg-vibeby
addingtheir signature,sophisticated
waterproofrechargeability
to the samemotion-sensing
technologyfoundin a Wii
controller,so,howeveryouspinit, Lyla'ssureto sendshivers.
($139,en.lelo.com)
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Icurve
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Baby,It's ColdOutsideGift Set
HailingfromDownUnder,Editorin chief
MerrynJohnsis still shyof the cold.
Whatbetterwayto warmupthanwith
thesebathtimegoodies.TheJiltedElf
showerjelly is bestusedfrozenfor
a stimulatingdownpour;thenscrub
yourskinsexywith theAustralianIgloo
SugarScrub'srefreshingSiberianpine,
Australianeucalyptusandsandalwood
oils packedintoveganFairTradesugar;
finishwith the Dirty
Springwash
shower
gel.($37,lush.com)
BathTimeBombshell
Sincenothinggoesbetterwith a hot
baththana lesbiankiss,why nottreat
someonespecialto one-we mean
Antoinette'sBathHouseLesbianKiss
BathBomb.Thiseffervescent
treat is
sensoryheavenwith a blissfulblending
of fragrancesthat includeginger,
sandalwood,
freesiaandbloodorange.
($4,AntoinettesBathHouse.etsy.com)
31
YouLightUpMy Life
Theseinnovative,elegant,Asianinfluencedoutdoorlights are solar
powered,givingyou romanticand
ambientlightingin youroutdoor
livingspacewhile savingyou money
on your electricbills, andsaving
the environment.($20andup,
sojilanterns)
32
LifeSoap
Cornr>ony
Love
30
Amor-a-Therapy
Turnyourhomeintoa luxurioussmellinghavenwith theseopulent
andaromaticair essences,
candles
andbathbarsfromAgraria.The
season'snewtantalizingfragrance
is CedarRose.($20andup,
agrariahome.com)
32
CleantheWorld
Makea differencewith LifeSoap's"Box
of Joy" hypoallergenic,
moisturizing
organicsoapin threebeautifulscents:
Peace,LoveandSol.LifeSoapreturns
90 percentof its profitsto cleanwater
projectsin the developing
world.Save
yourskinandsavelives.($20,
Iifesoapcompany
.com)
wwwl
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34
TheScentof Love
Bridgewater
CandleCompany
givesyou
Christmas
with a conscience.
Among
their manybeautifulvotivecandles
is Frankie'sCandle,scentedwith the
perfumeof Frankie'smotherwhodied
in the Haitiearthquake.
Netproceeds
goto feeda childfor oneweek.($20,
bridgewatercandles.com)
NearlyNaked
GoodCleanLoveorganicpersonal
lubricants,aphrodisiacloveoilsand
ediblebodycandiesenhanceyourlove
life naturally.Thelubricantsare100
percentvegan,paraben,glycerinand
petrochemical
free.Plus,they're100
percentedibleandcruelty-free,
too.
($10 andup,goodcleanlove.com)
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December 2011
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l__)
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BabyMamaAlert
Neverworryaboutyour
baby'ssafetyagainwiththis
portable,
wirelessbabymonitor.
Expandable
for upto four cameras,the LorexLiveSnapbaby
monitormeansyoucankeep
aneyeonthelittleonenomatter
whereyouare in the house.
($199,lorextechnology.com)
ThePinkPrince
GossipmavenPerezHilton
findshis humanitywith this
critically-acclaimed
children's
bookthat hasLadyGaga
raving:"I wish,whenI was
young,I hada bookastouching andbeautifulasthis to
teachmeaboutthejourney
of self-acceptance."
($18,
us.penguingroup.com)
TheFamilyFund
Whosaysyoucan't dreambig in this economy?
Followyourdreamsonepennyat a time with
Uncommon
Goods'DreamBank.ForPublisher
SilkeBader,it's a fun wayfor herwholefamily
to get in on the excitementof workingtoward
a familygoal.Whetherit's a vacationor new
tandembike,put a photoof yourgoalin the
frameto remindyouwhatyou'reworkingtoward
with pocketchange.($25,uncommongoods.com)
60
Icurve
Onthis:spacial°"4sfon, fflru Is nota u-owd
It'sa Family
Congratulations
onyourAdoption!
40
38
39
HappilyEverAfter
MyFamilycoloringandstory
booksarewrittenandcreatedby
marriedlesbianpowercouple,
MonicaandCherilBey-Clarke
to
promotefamiliesof diversity.
Entertaining,
enlightening
and essentialfor your child's
bedtimestories.(From$3,
myfamilyproducts.net)
Runto Win
In a perfectworld,treadmills
wouldpoweryourkid'sTVand
computer.
Untilthen,getthem
awayfromthetubeandout into
the worldwith thesecute,easyto-usepedometers.
Theycan
registeronlineto syncuptheir
pedometer
sothatthe morethey
walk,the moreprizestheyget.
Win,win. ($20,geopalz.com)
40
41
Sayit WithTeazled
Teazledis a unique,newonline
LGBTgreetingcardcompany
startedbytwo femalenurses,both
namedDina,who havebeenin a
lovingmarriagefor sevenyearsand
raisefour childrentogether(read
our interviewwith the duoon page
11)."It's a Family"cardis perfect
for the holidays.($4,teazled.com)
SmallWonder
You'renevertoo youngto feel
like a superhero!ThinkGeekhas
the goodsto haveyourlittle one
showingoff their JusticeLeague
alter-ego.Ourpick,WonderWoman
for yourfuturecrime-fighting
AmazonPrincessin-the-making.
($19,thinkgeek.com)
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KnottyPets
Fora true animallover,nothing
is moreheart-warming
thantheir
fur-baby'sface.Sowhy not have
it immortalizedin oneof artist
AmyTurner's(alsoknownas
half of hilariouslesbiancomedy
duoThat'sWhatSheSaid)
stunningwoodgrainportraits.
(amyturnerstudio.etsy.com)
Belleof the Ball
Modern,stylishandcozy,the
BallBedis greatwayto treat
yourfurriestof felinefriendsto
a snugglynookworthyof their
unquestionably
elevatedstatus.
($125,mycatsheaven.com)
KittyCalendar
This12-dayadventcalendar
from Petcois jam-packedwith
cuteholiday-themed
catniptoys
to enticeyourkitty to play.($20,
petco.com)
45
46
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PoochSmooch
Lip balmfor doggies?Estimates
suggestthat over35 percent
of dogssufferfrom dry snouts.
Keepyour poochproperly
hydratedthis winter with
Snoutstikpet lip balm.
($4,opieanddixie.com)
FurryFinds
Babyyourpetwith Sleepypod's
line of warmers,beddingand
ultraplushpetaccessories
that
will meannothingbut sweet
dreamsfor yourpreciouspal.
($29,sleepypod.com)
RestYourPaws
It isn't just humanswho needa
spaday.Giveyourpetsomething
specialwith a mudmasktreatmentmadewith mudsourced
fromthe DeadSea.Don'tforget
to endwith a big,fluffy white
towelanda goodpawrub.
($20,hampinaturalpetspa.com)
Prettyin Punk
Whatdo yougetthe dogthat has
everything?Editorialassistant
RashidaHarmonrecommends
the BlingSkullBarrettefrom
Sugarbear'sPampered
Pets
BoutiqueandBakery.Sparklier
thana Christmasornament,the
Swarovskicrystal-studded
barrette
is a perfectadditionto Harmon's
spoiledpoochGypsy'sstocking.
($13,sugarbearspamperedpets.com)
December 2011
I61
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DiabolicalDecolletage
Giveyourgorgeousgeeksome
edgypin-upgirl glitzwith Too
Fast'sSugarSkullNecklace.
Thisoversizeddazzleris sure
to put a twinklein hereye
with its rhinestoneencrusted
eyesandroses.($24,
toofastonline.com)
Strapped
forTime
Unisexandoh-so-sexy,
4mLeather'swatchesarea
uniquesolutionfor the watch
andleatherloverson yourlist.
Thiswoman-owned
design
housemarriestraditionwith
innovationto makegorgeous
timepiecesguaranteed
to
wow.($65,4mLeatherDesign.
etsy.com)
StarWares
Letyourgeekflag fly from
headto toe with customStar
Wars-themed
hand-painted
heelsby LGBT-friendly
artist
JilliannSilva.Thesebeautifully
detailedkicksarebotha
stunningworkof art andthe
heightof geekchic.($275,
eastbaycalifornia.etsy
.com)
Domestic
Droid
WhileR2-D2is still in a galaxy
far,far away,Roomba
is here
andreadyto takeyourcleaning
routineintothefuture.Their
latestandgreatestmodel,the
Roomba
780,nowfeaturesa
stateof thearttouchpad,
automaticcleaningschedule
andDirtDetectSeries2 which
helpstherobotperformconcentratedcleaningwhereyouneed
it most.($600,irobot.com)
54
55
OutlawOohLaLa
If thereis onethingall geeky
dykescanagreeon,it's that
the ladiesof Fireflyare most
wanted.Nowhigh-flying
adventurehasgonehighart
with theseArt Nouveau-styled
postersof ourfavoritespace
outlawheroinesby artist
MeganLara.Tryto resist
buyingthemall, we dareyou.
($30,qmxonline.com)
KawaiiCase
Basedon the lovable
characterfrom Miazaki's
masterpieceMy Neighbor
Totoro,this adorable
handmadeiPadcaseis the
perfectgift for the Japanophileon yourlist. ($30,
rabbitsmile.etsy.com)
BearNecessity
ForresidentgeekandmanagingeditorRachelShatto,the Playful
PandaHoodfrom Bang,Bang,Crashwas impossibleto resist.
Plush,cozyandcompletewith adorableheart-shaped
nose,
it's just the accessoryneededto addsomeplayfulnessinto
the wardrobeof anygalwho isn't afraidto nottake herself
too seriously.($45,bangbangcrash.etsy.com)
62
Icurve
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S9
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A SureBette
Whenit comesto songs,sass,
andmoreshowgirlsthanyou
canshakea stick at, there's
no onebetterthanBette!Bette
Mid/er:TheShowgirlMustGo
Oncapturesthe magicof her
liveLasVegasshow.($15)
BuddhaDoodles
AccessyourinnerZenwith the
BuddhaBoard.Simplypaint
the surfacewith waterand
yourcreationcomesto life in
a bolddesign.Asthe water
evaporates,
yourart magically
disappearsleavingyouwith a
cleanslateanda clearmind.
($33,buddhaboard.com)
59
60
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RetroRockStar
Forchildrenof the '80s no
cartoonwas moretruly outrageousthanthe adventuresof
JemandHolograms.
Nowfor
the first time all glamourand
glitter,fashionandfameof this
nostalgicallyfantasticseries
is availabletogetherin this
11-disccollectorseditionDVD
set. ($60,shoutfactory.com)
StringTheory
Thenextevolutionof the
musicgame,Rocksmith,
blows
previous"guitar"gamesout
of the waterby beinga music
gamethat literallyusesan
electricguitar.Perfectfor
inexperienced
andaccomplishedguitarplayersalike.
($80,gamestop.com)
PocketParamour
Possiblythe mostunusual
appoutthere,the MiniGay
Girlfriendallowsyouto pick
a digitalloverfrom ninecute
girlfriendsandamuseyourself
with gamesandanimationson
the couchor yourwayto work.
($1.20,minigaygirlfriend.com)
TheWholeShebang
ThewatershedL Wordseries
is an undeniablemodern
lesbianclassicandnow
youcanownall the drama,
romanceandsteamylove
scenesin oneultimateDVD
collection.Featuringall six
dykedrama-filledseasonsand
exclusiveextras,no lesbian's
DVDlibraryis complete
withoutit. ($180,sho.com)
Readout: fullreview-of
Rocksmitli
at curvemag.com
SapphicCelluloid
EditorialassistantEmelina
Minerosuggeststhis holiday
seasonyoucurl up with the Big
LesbianLoveCollector'sset.
Thislezziemust-haveDVDset
includesfour lesbianmovies
guaranteed
to be hotterthan
yourcocoa:MyNormal,/tty Bitty
TittyCommittee,
TheFour-Faced
LiarandAndThenCameLola.
($30,wolfevideo.com)
December 2011
I63
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AbsolutOutrageous
Nopartyis completewithouta bottleof
Absolutor Absolut-inspired
cocktailto
makeyourguestsmerry.Trythis new
tastesensationmixedto markAbsolut's
30thyearof supportingourcommunity:
Chill,Baby
Neverdiluteyourfavoritespiritwith
meltingice again.Theultimatewayto
makea drink"on the rocks,"SkyBar
chill cubesarewashable,
stainlesssteel
cubesthat canbestoredin yourfreezer.
($40,skybarhome.com)
1/2 oz AbsolutMandrin
1/2 oz AbsolutCitron
3 oz Sprite
Splashof Cranberry
Squeezeof a lime wedge
Garnishwith a lime wedge
(absolut.com)
Eajoy!
68
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TastyTapas
PlayMediterranean
hostwith
a tapasthemedpartyandthis
gorgeous,handmadestoneware
set featuringa trayandfour
matchingbowls,guaranteed
to
impressgourmetguests.($84,
GlazedOver.etsy.com)
LesbianLibations
I'm SoHappyIt's HappyHour
servesup recipeideasfor sinfully deliciouscocktailsbyAnne
Taintor.Hervintage-inspired
personalhipflasksalsomean
you'llstayadequately
lubricated,
partyto party.($15andup,
annetaintor.com)
69
MargaritaMistress
PartyBomb
Serveupto 48 different8oz.pourcocktails Blowtheir mindswith this cheekysake
(15optionsperliquortype)with this
bombdecanter.Fourglassesrestonthe
countertopdrinkswizard.Getthis party
spikes-when not beingputto good
started!($300,margaritavillecargo.com) drinkinguse,andthe top spikedoubles
as a spout.($70,uncommongoods.com)
SingForYourSupper
Art directorStefanieLiangthinks
everyone'sa star.Beltout yourfavorite
Benatarballadin the comfortof
yourownhomewith the MagicSing
KaraokeSystem.Justplugit in to your
TVandwatchyourbackupsingersfall
into place.Twomiesmakefor a daring
duet.($349,magicsingkaraoke.net)
GAL'S
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!GAL'S
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~-££.~,ffJ/)1
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TwoToTango
A CharmedLife
Keepher heartunderlock
Lookingfor somethingto
andkeywith thesetwists on
do with yourpartnerthat
the traditionalheartlocket
is guaranteed
to getyour
andkeypendant.Madeby
heartsracing?Howabouta
handfromsterlingsilver,
little friendlycompetition?It
the pair is an understated
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lengingandbooty-shaking
everlastingaffection.($64,
thana DanceCentral2 dance
WinterberryJewelry.etsy.com)off. Nowcompletewith VS.
modethis sequelto last
year'ssmashhit is the most
fun you'll havewith your
girl-outside the bedroom.
($50,gamestop.com)
CowgirlUp
Uncommon
Good'sduo
of sassywesterncoffee
cups,featuringphotosof
pioneeringwomenand
notablequotes,arethe
perfectgift for gift for any
coupledgal on yourlist,
andher(howdy)partner.
($22,uncommongoods.com)
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SuperSizeMe
A bookfor all genders,
sizesandsexualorientations,Big BigLove:Sex
andRelationships
Guide
for Peopleof Sizeby Hanne
Blankis a guidewith sexy
illustrationson howto get
the mostout of loveandsex
with a plus-sizedpartner.
($16,atomicbooks.com)
SweetDreams
Theperfectweddinggift
for you andyour brideto
remindyou of your lovefor
eachothereveryday.
Hers& Herspillowcases
madeof 100 percentsoft,
300 count FairTrade
cotton.Beddownblissfully.
($44,loveandpride.com)
Therapistin a Box
Getto knowyour partner
betterwith the Do-ItYourselfTherapyCube.
Playfulquestionsinclude:
Whatbehaviorof yoursdo
youblameyourmotherfor?
Whowouldit makeyou
happyto cut ties with?(How
aboutthe exfor starters?)
($25,tabletopics.com)
WhoKneadsMistletoe?
EditorialassistantRosannaRios
Spicersuggestsyouforgetthe
traditionalfireplaceandhotapple
ciderthis holidayandwarmup
with a muchmoretemptingtreat.
JimmyJane'sKneadMeMassage
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andan awardwinningceramic
massagestonethat youcan
heatup or cooldownfor extra
stimulation.($45,jimmyjane.com)
December 2011
I65
/// TRAVEL
ZEXPOSURE
cc
w
I
FORA PERFECTBLEND
OF NATUREAND CULTURE,
NOTHINGBEATSA VACATION
IN NORTHERNVERMONT
BY CONSTANCE PARTEN
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0
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Irene was lashing southern Vermont,
tes and byways, historic houses and
orthern Vermont was spared, and late
tiful, tranquil weather in Burlington-a
·naugural cultural feast called Northern
lington is the largest city in Vermont
e to the U.S.-Canadian border that its
streets echo with French accents, making it
e spot for a queer cultural event. Organized by the
T community and the Vermont Gay Tourism
Association, Northern Decadence (northerndecadence.
com) took place over a September weekend, with locals
and visitors alike basking in the temperate early autumn
weather on the shores of Lake Champlain and getting
to know one another at a luscious lineup of events
that included a culinary cruise, a food festival and an
art show; a lesbian-run yoga retreat and bike ride with
Singletrack Mindfulness; an underwear fashion show
and a gay dance party. The weekend was a showcase for
the region-already
famous for its storybook scenery,
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spectacular sunsets and startling moonrises, it is perhaps
less well-known for its vibrant, thoughtful and welcoming
queer community. The weekend produced a feast of
conversation, as everyone relaxed and sampled the very
best of what's local: cheese, chocolate, coffee, tea and a
vast assortment of artisanal offerings-everything
from
locally brewed beer to Ben & Jerry's latest concoction.
Next year, if you want to stay lakeside, with pointblank views of a breathtaking body of water framed
by a receding chiaroscuro of hills and mountains, the
Courtyard Marriott Burlington Harbor has everything
you need. Perfectly situated between the lake shore
( the best spot for sipping Grand Mimosas at sundown)
bustling Burlington Town Center and the Church Street
Marketplace, this is a very comfortable base from which
to explore the area. Or, in keeping with the culinary
and cultural theme, try the Essex, Vermont's Culinary
Resort and Spa (vtculinaryresort.com). It's a sprawling
New England-style resort with ample amenities (from
tennis courts to organic garden beds) and top-notch
nosh (Amuse has a seasonal menu and chef's table
that features local produce). If you'd like to stay gay,
the gay-owned and operated Moose Meadow Lodge
(moosemeadowlodge.com) is a stately, quintessentially
Vermont log home situated on 86 secluded acres.
But for our money, the true pride of Burlington
(perhaps we're biased) is lesbian chef Donnell Collins
and her fine restaurant, Leunig's Bistro & Cafe. "It's the
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PEOPLETELL ME I HAVE
TRANSPORTEDTHEM TO
FRANCEFORTWO HOURS
WHILETHEYATEGREAT
FOOD,AND I LOVETHAT"
best place to people watch in Burlington, according to
[Vermont novelist] Chris Bohjalian in Trans-Sister
Radio;' says Collins. "With the open-air seating, and
being on Church Street, with the hustle and bustle of
the largest smallest city in Vermont happening right
before you-including
street performers-you
really
feel at the core of Burlington:' Cozily ensconced here
for the past 11 years with her partner, Amy, and now
with their baby daughter, Sage, Collins has transformed the beloved local French eatery into a restaurant
of distinction where the authenticity of her oysters,
pate, steak frites and other Gallic mainstays would be
hard to beat, even in Paris. "I always have people tell
me I have transported them to France for two hours
while they ate great food, and I love that:'
Collins is dedicated to keeping the restaurant
upscale, fresh, and vital, and even expanding it to cater
to events such as civil unions and lesbian wedding
receptions."We also plan on helping the communitygay, straight, black, white, old and young-with fundraising events;' says Collins, who describes locals as
"funky, eclectic, tolerant and independent thinkers
with a passion for life-a simple
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DONNELL COLLINS: MY BURLINGTON
Whatare some
hardcider,cider
must-tryculinary
doughnuts,so good!
experiences
for
Cornmazes,pumpkin
lesbianvisitorsto
patchesandapple
Burlington?
picking.Maplesyrup
ShelburneFarmsis just
is alsovery popular.
beautifulandhasgreat
Weknowwhenthe sap
foodandcheesetours.
startsflowingthat the
Youshouldsample
longwinter is almost
localgoodiesat the
over.Vermonthasreally
BurlingtonFarmers'
jumpedon the spirits
Marketon Saturday
train as well. Vodka,
mornings.SamMazza's rye whiskyanda lot of
is a farmthat doesgreat beers.
eventsfor harvestsof
the season-strawberry Namefive essential
fest,pumpkinfestsightseeing
spots.
kidsloveit! ThePenny
VisitShelburne
CluseCafeis greatfor
Museum.The
breakfast.
waterfrontin downtown
Burlington,by boat,
Vermontcheeseis
by bikeor on foot,is
a must.TheMountain
famous.Whatis a
lesser-known
Vermont Roadin Stowe,
delicacy?
Vermont-stop at
Apples.Thefall is
the little shops,drive
awesomehere.The
to the top andhike.
GreenMountainslook
It is breathtaking.Of
like they areon fire
course,thereis also
with the rich colors
greatskiingin Vermont.
of fall, andthe air
Anddon't forgetto
is cool,andyoujust
hikeCamel'sHump,
smellappleswith
Vermont'shighest
undeveloped
peak.
a hint of cinnamon
everywherein the air.
(vermontgaytourism.com)
Apple-ciderpressing,
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© 2011 American Airlines, Inc. All rights reserved.
BETWEEN
ORLDS
PALESTINIAN
QUEERWOMEN:
COMING OUT, KEEPING
SECRETSAND LIVINGTHE
AUDACl1YOF HOPE.
BY MARIA DE LA 0
70
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F
irst, you have to be invited. Then, you have to be
sworn to secrecy. On the appointed evening, you
arrive and the list is checked. If your name is there
and everything looks OK, you' re in.
Once inside, you enter another world. There are scores of
women dancing, talking, eating, drinking-perhaps
a few
wear the classic hijab,but nearly all are in Western dress.
They come from different backgrounds-Muslim, Christian,
Bedouin, Druze-but
they're united, as Palestinians and
as queer.
You're finally home.
This is a monthly party for LGBT women put on by
Aswat, a decade~old organization for Palestinian queer
women based in the northern Israeli city of Haifa, not far
from the Lebanese border.
"I thought I was the only Arab lesbian in the world.
Even when I was young and I heard about lesbianism, it
was, for me, a foreign thing, not something that happened in
our society;' says 32~year~old lnaam, as we sit in the Aswat
office one afternoon, eating cheese~filled Druze bread and
tomato~and~cucumber salad.
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lnaam is from a city in northern Israel and has been a
member of Aswat for seven years. "When I heard about
Aswat, I was shocked;' she says. "It was eight women
then, and I was, like, 'There's actually eight Palestinian
gay women?'"
With short,cropped hair and low,slung cargo pants,
lnaam would register on the radar of dykes anywhere in
the world. Still, even in Haifa-a
city known for its lib,
eral politics, its lively arts scene, its gay cafes and clubsshe's cautious, and prefers to keep her last name out of
the press. It seems that sexual liberation here is for the
90 percent Jewish majority rather than the 10 percent
Arab minority.
"I choose when to be out and when to not;' lnaam
explains. "When I go to talk [to groups], it's important
for me to know who's coming and what villages they are
from-if there's someone I know, it's more scary for me:'
Her friend Nora,* smiling, lights a cigarette and interjects
from her perch near the window, "This is the Palestinian
outing process:'
And therein lies the problem. In Israel, a country that
prides itself on being the most gay,friendly destination in
the Middle East, Arabs not only experience racial discrim,
ination, but within their own cultures they also suffer
silently for being queer. Add gender to this already complex
duality and you've got ... well...complications. From its
inception, Aswat has faced these complications head on.
lnaam, Nora and most of the other members of Aswat
would be called Israeli Arabs by the government, because
they reside within the current borders oflsrael. But Aswat
has chosen to emphasize its links with its sisters in the
West Bank and Gaza, calling itself an organization for
"Palestinian gay women:'
Interviewed in 2004 by Xtra! Canada's LGBT newspaper,
Rauda Morcos, one of the founding members of Aswat,
reacted to the discrimination she faces living under
Israeli rule."We're against any type of occupation. I don't
want to be occupied as a Palestinian or as a woman or
as a lesbian:'
"Palestinian society is still very conservative;' explains
Nora, who is in her early 30s. "For an LGBT group, maybe
there is a benefit to being here [in Israel]:• But those legal,
government,sanctioned benefits don't necessarily translate
to the family or societal level. It doesn't really help me,
being inside Israel, because the Palestinian society is sepa,
rated culturally from the Jewish. Living here, it doesn't
mean that we're living a safe life. Some families, if they
know their daughter is a lesbian, they might kill her, or
abandon her:'
December 2011
I 71
"I THOUGHTI WAS THE ONLY
ARAB LESBIANIN THE WORLD.
EVENWHEN I WAS YOUNG AND
I HEARDABOUT LESBIANISM,
ITWAS, FOR ME, A FOREIGN
THING, NOT SOMETHINGTHAT
HAPPENEDIN OUR SOCIETY."
But most of the Arabs Inaam and Nora know would
consider that level of retribution to be the reaction of
violent extremists, whose worldview is outdated. Both
Inaam and Nora emphasize that life is getting better for
lesbians and bisexual women in Arab societies, and for
this development they credit the work done by Aswat and
other LGBT groups throughout the Arab region.
Inaam herself is out to most of her immediate family,
whom she describes as "traditional" rather than religious.
"It's been a long process, but after five years, I would
say [my mom is] embracing me for who I am, because
she doesn't want to lose me," Inaam says. "For her, it's
bigger family,
important that no one else knows-the
the society:'
Nora, too, discusses being gay with her family, albeit in
more theoretical terms. "I try to raise the issue with my
parents in the sense of human rights;' she says. But her
theorizing has been met with mixed reactions. "My sister
says, 'If I hear about you having something with a woman,
don't even think about coming back to this house:"
For now, Nora, who is bisexual and divorced, chooses
to keep silent, seeing no benefit in coming out to her family,
who live in a small village outside Haifa.
'Tm not going to tell anyone, because getting divorced
was really hard to do. I've been seen as a whore-I've been
seen as everything that is bad;' she says, lighting another
cigarette. ''As a divorced woman, I should have gone back
and lived with my parents. But I didn't do that. I worked
hard to gain my financial independence. It was rough, but
it was worth it. Now I can live my life the way I feel is OK
for me:'
Nora adds, a bit regretfully, "I wish that the day comes
when we can talk about this freely, with no restrictions,
with no limits, with no fears:'
And when that day finally does arrive, Aswat will throw
away its closed guest list and throw open its doors for the
party. (aswatgroup.org)
* Name changed by request
The streets of Bethlehem
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REVIEWSSapphic Screen
The Outcasts
Sundance Award-winning filmmaker, Dee Rees, discusses Pariah. By Esther Zinn
Lesbian filmmaker Dee Rees' Sundance
Film Festival award-winning film, Pariahis
a powerful and moving drama, which follows the coming out story of a 17 -year-old
African American teenager named Alike.
Raised in a homophobic and unstable
home, Alike navigates both her sexual
identity and where she belongs within her
social circle-which includes her queer best
friends, Laura and Bina. As tension with
her controlling, intolerant mother rises, she
discovers that she must use her academic and
creative talents to find ways to leave home
and seek out her own place in the world.
Executive produced by Spike Lee and
awarded Sundance's coveted Excellence in
Cinematography (Dramatic category) award,
Pariahis a touching and honest story that
leaves its audience members rooting for the
bravery and resilience of young Alike.
Whatinspiredthefilm?
I was going through my coming out process
when I wrote it. So I was very much transposing my own coming out experience onto
this 17-year-old, and kind of asking myself
74
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the question that even if I had known who
I was and had a clue at 17, would I have
had the courage to be that person:' So the
story kind of evolved from that, and Alike
is someone who loves women, she's owned
that fact, but she's not sure what that means
or how to be in the world. So she's in a position where she feels that she doesn't fit in the
gay world, she doesn't quite fit in the straight
world, and so it's about her figuring out that
she doesn't have to check a box, she's just
figuring out how to be.
Whatwas it liketo workwith SpikeLee,
bothas an internon InsideManandlater
on Pariah?
Interning on the Inside Man was a great
learning process, that was my first time on a
film set ... that meant I was right beside the
monitor, and able to watch him work with
his crew, and take a good look at composition and framing, and so it really enabled me
to see firsthand how a film set should run.
And also Spike was also a teacher at N.Y.U.
film program, and so I would see him during
office hours every week, and he would give
me notes on the script. As we moved into
production I worked with Nekisa Cooper.
And she would give me feedback on the
budget. And then after we shot the film he
would watch clips and give us feedback on
the editing as well. So he was really creative
support throughout the process, as well as a
mentor when the film went out to the world.
Nekisa Cooper is the one who asked him to
finalize his role on the film, and we were
very excited when he accepted.
You'vesaidthatthetitleof thefilmcomes
fromtheconceptthateachofthecharacters
is a pariahin theirownright.Howdoesthat
playintoeachofthefilm'scharacters?
Audrey, the mother, is a pariah because ultimately, she's a lonely woman, she just wants
to connect. But the more she tries to connect,
the more she pushes people away. At work
she's socially awkward. At home, her sense
of lovingness comes off as warped and a
little overprotective. And so she just wants
to connect and feels like a pariah because
she doesn't understand why. [Alike's father]
Arthur is a pariah because he is a guy that's
respected by the neighborhood, from guys
around the way, but he's not the father that
his peers expect him to be, and he has his
own idea of parenting. And his friends are
telling him that he should be treating his
daughter differently because of who she is,
and he doesn't believe in that. So he feels like
a pariah in the sense that he's not the traditional vision of fatherhood that his friends
would expect. And Laura is a pariah in that,
in some ways, because she had to fend for
herself at an early age, she's limited to what
she can do now. She has to reach higher and
reach for her better self in order to be free
to live a fulfilling life. So she feels like she's a pariah, and she
sees Alike moving on. She feels left behind in some ways.
Thesoundtrack
isveryeclectic.
Howdidyouselectthemusic?
When the feature production came around, another director,
James Spooner, who did another documentary called, AfroPunk, introduced me to another artist called Tamar-Kali.
Tamar is amazing; she did a song at the time called "Boot"
which is great because it's about beauty and perception,
which is really great because we knew it fit Alike in the film,
and wanted punk tracks to represent the character of Bina.
And then with the hip-hop, Nekisa Cooper built a relationship with an indie company called MBK Entertainment and
so we kind of did a temp track for the cut, kind of a style of
songs that were in the style that we were looking for, and
so we decided there were a lot of hip hop themed tracks
that we could use as replacements, um, we were happy with
that. The mandate was that we wanted the soundtrack to be
all-girl, all-female, that we wanted independent artists to be
a part of the process.
Arethereanyfilmmakers
thatareinfluential
to yourwork?
I like Cassavetes because I like how he has a sense of
realism, and everything. You don't feel like you're hearing the
screenplay or the script, like A Woman Under the Influence.
And of course Spike Lee.
Whatadvicewouldyougiveto otherqueerwomenof color
startingoutinthefilmindustry?
I would say it all starts with the script. They should write
from the heart, something that is meaningful and urgentand special for them to say. Write the things that make you
happy. Write the things that make you angry. The things
that make you cry. Because ultimately that's what's going
to be what keeps you going, when agents don't write back,
when investors say no, and things seem like they're not going
to happen, it's going to be the story itself that keeps driving
you to keep going. I would say write from the heart. I know
it sounds corny or cliche but it keeps you going.
Whatmessagedoyouhopethe audiencewill walkaway
withafterwatchingPariah?
I guess it would be that it's OK to not have to check a box.
Or be anything that anyone else expects you to be. Find a
way to be yoursel£ (focuifeatures.com/
pariah)
•"·
..;f-...
-;,·
,-••
•
. . r
.....
WakingMadison
(Entertainment
One)
Thelatestfilm from
outdirectorKatherine
Brooks(Loving
Annabelle),
Waking
Madisonis part
mystery,
partfound
footagefilm andpart
surrealist
nightmare.
Waking
chronicles
theattemptsof one
woman,strickenby
dissociative
identity
disorder,
to pull
together
theunraveling
threadsof herlifeby
lockingherselfaway
for 30 daysfollowing
a botchedsuicide
attempt.Without
medication
forthe
firsttimein overa
decade,Madison
(SarahRoemer)
must
facehershattered
psycheandthe
historyof violence
andsexualabuseat
herdisorder's
origin.
Co-starring
Elisabeth
Shue,TarynManning
andAnnabelle
alum
ErinKelly,Waking
is a disturbing
and
redemptive
trip down
thepsychological
rabbithole-and
proofBrooksis only
beginning
to hit her
strideasa filmmaker.
Shedeftlytakeswhat
in lesserhandscould
havebeenmelodramaticor self-indulgent
andskillfullycraftsa
powerfulexploration
of thefragilityand
ferocityof the human
mind.
Gigola
(BreakingGlass
Pictures)
.
•,._
;
..
leadingladies
(WolfeReleasing)
Basedonthe
infamousandonce
bannedbookbythe
samenamethis
Frenchimportcomprisedof
whiskey,womenand
cabaret-followsthe
titularGigola,who
afterthe suicideof
herlover,dropsout
of medicalschool,
cutsoff herhairand
slipsintothe sexy
andseedylesbian
underworld
of 1960s
Paris.Donninga
tux anda caneand
a noshortageof
swagger,Gigola
cutsa strikingfigure
throughthe Parisian
nightlifemaking
hersuccessfulas
bothan escortand
a pimp.However,
noamountof
financialor romantic
successcancure
herloneliness
and
self-destructive
tendencies.
Dripping
with early'60s
atmosphereand
glamour,Gigolais
MadMentippedon
its patriarchalhead,
wheremasculinity
is the domainof la
gar9onne(tomboy)
andmenare
inconsequential
at
best-making for
a fascinatingand
eroticjourneythat
couldeasilydowith
a sequel.
Betweenhermelodramaticsister,her
overbearing
dance
instructormother
(acrossbetween
BetteMidlerand
Mrs.Habersham,
playedby ballroom
dancechampion
MelanieLaPatin)
and
meddlinggaybest
friendCedric(So
YouThinkYouCan
DancewinnerBenji
Schwimmer),
Toni
hasherhandsfull.
Butwhenonenight
at a danceclubToni
meetsMonaeverythingchangesfor the
formerwallflower,
transforming
herinto
a spotlightdanceranda lesbian.Sweet,
charmingandirresistiblytoe-tapping
(despitesomedodgy
performances)
it's
difficultnotto be
sweptup in this
musicalromantic
comedy,sinceeven
the mostmundane
momentsareinfused
with upbeatmusicality andchoreography-completewith
an epicsupermarket
songanddance
number.Leading
Ladieshasall the
bootyshaking
andromanceof
Footloose
or High
SchoolMusical,but
with noneof the
humdrumheternormativity.
December 2011
I 75
REVIEWSMusic Watch
On the Verge
From a trailer in the Outback to the American Dream, Aussie acoustic export Martine Locke
shares her story. By Jess McAvoy
Born in a trailer in the rugged Australian
Outback, Martine Locke has seemingly
been primed from birth for the rough and
tumble ride that is the independent music
industry. I first met Locke in the late '90s
when she was still making her name for
herself in Australia, with Rose Farrow as
The Velvet Janes. I opened for them a num~
ber of times in Perth, and later shared the
support slot for Ani DiFranco's 2000 tour.
Since then Locke has worked relentlessly in
the indie scene, self~releasing four solo CDs
(Fly,On The Verge, Undone and LIVE) and
now, with her new live self~titled album, is
celebrating her achievements in America.
Tellmeaboutyourinfluences
andhowyou
cameto moveto theU.S.
My mentors and influences were Ani
DiFranco, Shawn Colvin, Patty Larkin ...
76
I curve
Ward plays drums and sings most of the
harmonies and my sweetheart Jamie Price
is killing it on the djembe and vocals also.
Karl Zemlin, a local Indianapolis sound
engineer and the knob god we choose to
work with here, is behind the desk on this
one. And then, of course, there was the
audience.
Wheredidyouwrite"SmellsLikeRain"?
I was actually staying in a cabin in Western
Australia. It had been a really hot summer
and The Velvet Janes had just played at a
music festival down in Albany, New South
Wales when it started to storm. I wanted to
capture the smell of the earth when water
hits it for the first time after a long drought.
I am sure the series of events that brought
me to that moment impacted my writing
more than the landscape at the time, but it
didn't hurt!
Whatarethemajordifferences
between
writing
in Americavs.Australia?
I don't think there really is a lot of differ~
ence actually. Of course, if I'd have written
songs like"Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport"
it might be a little different but life is life
wherever it may be. I think if anything,
women who were U.S. based artists and it perhaps I am more politically bent here
felt, at the time, a long way away from where
because there are more reasons to be so
I was, in Perth, Western Australia. The
inclined. I never really had to think about
immigration issues, protection for my part~
Velvet Janes worked hard-often
doing
shows three to four nights a week at home
ner and I (in a state and a country that would
and then five to eight shows a week on the rather the issue hide its face) and the future
road. Being an independent artist and two of gay rights in this country and the world,
women in an industry that hadn't seen a lot as much as I do now. These things affect
of either of them then, at least in Australia,
me on a day~to~day basis here, whereas they
was hard. It seemed the goal was always to never really did when I lived in Australia.
get out of Australia to find success, when
I never felt worried about my ability to
really, the country was right on the verge stay in the country or whether my partner
of having a huge growth spurt in the arts. and I and our family would be protected.
of recording
I was proud to be there for some of it and Howdidyoufindthe experience
a livealbum?
to ride some of that wave of success. It most
definitely helped me find and continue to This was the culmination of months of
touring and all the songs on the CD were
work so successfully here in the U.S.
Yournew livealbumsoundswonderful.
Who songs that had been played live for most of
workedontherecording?
those months, some of them, years. I also
It features my regular touring band-Dionne
try to do live recordings whenever I can, so
2011 STATEMENT
OFOWNERSHIP
as to get used to the feeling around
it
accepted me because of my choices and
and then somewhere in the midst of that
was still battling
I relax around
family,
the button"
the concept
of "pushing
and just enjoy the show.
faith
with the loss of friends,
and community
the shame that
and with
they thought
I should
What did you want to achievewith this
recording?
feel. Of course, these days I don't even
To capture a live show in the way people
loves her life and those in it and writes
had
been
asking
for
gives
it-natural
people
and
unedited.
It
want, with
no studio enhancement,
it alleviates "studio~itis:•
in everything-from
what
they
and
I had my hands
the songs, to the
venue, to the sounds, to the artwork
and
think
about it. I am just
and sings about it all-proudly.
This is the only job I have known
whole
adult
stopping
life
and I don't
to record
Tellmeaboutthe nightyourecorded.
working
in Europe.
We recorded
The
which
has become my
Front
Porch
women-and
my
CDs
Collective,
band
make art, music, jewelry,
that sing along to everything
leather cuffs, etc.
into
every show with
and I wanted
no holds
to capture
barred
them, and me
them. It felt like every single per~
with
son there that night
full of excitement
came with
and expectation
a heart
and it
My
been
life"]
sweetheart,
Jamie,
a
called IHA
mates-who
and
screen
I have
printing
[Sanskrit
for "in
that not only hand screens all my
merchandise
but whose goal is to put
was an amazing energy to stand within.
a positive
As a lesbianmusician,it tookme time to
be comfortable
in the media.Whatchallengeshaveyoufaced?
one T ~shirt at a time.
When
The
I first started we really didn't talk
of
artisan
photography,
developing
company
and to start
I am also part
new city. I have had great audiences here
and jump
my
see that
now. I am keen to continue
to tour,
in Indianapolis,
who
Whatdoesthe nextfive yearsfor Martine
Lockelooklike?
the pressing.
it at a sold out show here
an artist
message back into the world,
Lookingback,anythoughts
or regrets?
Once upon a time when I lived in Perth,
Velvet Janes were invited
by the
about it a lot. I remember someone telling
head of Sony at the time to talk about
me at a show that
our future together. Later, I was talking
they knew
I was a
I am just an artist
who lovesher life
and those in it and
writesand sings
about it all-proudly.
about the experience to a business men~
tor. She put her head back and laughed
lesbian because I had Doc Marten
boots
heartily
when
I
told
about
meeting.
I still laugh about that now in a thankful
eye and said, "You are independent
kind
nature,
of way-that
providing
I could
safe community
be part
for people to
just be who they were-straight,
everything
in between-and
gay and
play music
in the process. I was also just
out
of having
spent
of
coming
the previous
10
years involved in a church that no longer
She looked
her
on and that's why they came to the show.
independent
the
me square in the
by
by name and will
never sign that away to someone else:• I
know
never to say never, but I feel like
my life will continue
to be the journey
of an independent,
strong,
woman ... and that
suits
passionate
me just
fine.
Publication
Title:Curve.
PublicationNo.:0010-355.
FilingDate:Oct1, 2011
IssueFrequency:
Monthlyexceptbi-monthly
Jan/FebandJuly/Aug.
Numberof IssuesPublished
Annually:10
AnnualSubscription
Price:$59.90
CompleteMailingAddress:POBox467
NewYorkNY10034.
ContactPerson:SilkeBader
Telephone:
(415)871-0569
Publisher:
SilkeBaderPOBox467 NewYorkNY10034
Editor:MerrynJohnsPOBox467 NewYorkNY10034
ManagingEditor:RachelShattoPOBox467
NewYorkNY10034
Owner(s):
AvalonMediaLLCPoBox467
NewYorkNY10034
SiIke BaderPOBox467 NewYorkNY10034
Publication
Title:Curve.
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(ByMailandOutsidethe Mail)(1)
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on Form3541:12,603;(2)MailedIn-CountyPaid
Subscriptions
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(ByMailandOutsidethe Mail)(1)
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Dec2011
( martinelocke.com)
December 2011
I 77
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Do Ask, Do Tell
In the aftermath of the repealof DADT,being gay in the militaryis a hot topic. By Troy Petenbrink
OutofStep,J.LeeWatton
(A&MBooks):
When
J. Lee Watton was discharged from the
Navy in 1965, she told her parents it was
because she suffered from a mental illness.
She found it easier than telling them it was
because she loved a woman.
"Shame is a wound that goes deep;' says
Watton, as she gathers with other former
servicewomen at a restaurant in Washington,
D.C., just one day after the repeal of Title
10 of the U.S. Code, Section 654, more
commonly known as the "Don't Ask, Don't
Tell"law.
The group of women-including
retired
Army Col. Margarethe Cammermeyer;
the Rev. Dusty Pruitt, a retired major
in the Army Reserve; and retired Capt.
Michelle Benecke, a co~founder of the
Servicemembers Legal Defense Networkhad come together to discuss the repeal of
DADT and to celebrate the upcoming
publication of Watton's memoir, Out of Step.
Each of the women reflected on the
78
I curve
emotional toll being gay in the military
had taken while they were servingand the effect it has continued to have
many years later.
"I was a reverend and being called
immoral and unhonorable;' said Pruitt.
While DADT was the law of the land
from December 1993 to September
2011, the ban on gays and lesbians in the
military is more than 65 years old and has
resulted in the discharge, sometimes the
dishonorable discharge, of thousands of
men and women. In fact, the opposition
to service by gays and lesbians is rooted
in the sexism that permeated much of the
military after World War II.
As Benecke explained, an easy way to get
a woman out of the military was to label her
a lesbian, regardless of whether it was true
or not.
Watton's book tells the story of how,
as young member of the Navy WAVES
(WomenAcceptedfor Volunteer Emergency
Service), she and four of her friends were the
victims of a witch hunt. With no attorneys
assigned to represent them, and confronted
with no proof of their sexual orientation,
the women suffered daily interrogations
before ultimately being discharged.
The irony for Watton was that just days
before the military's investigation began,
her commanding officer praised her perfor~
mance and recommended that she pursue
officer training.
Col. Cammermeyer writes in the books
forward: "Out of Step is a tender, fragile
love story about a 'Family' of young women
dealing with 'Growing up' in the military, to
the beat of a different drummer, and making
decisions with lifelong consequences:'
Cammermeyer, a Vietnam veteran and
Bronze Star recipient, was discharged from
service in 1992 after honestly answering" yes"
to a routine question about whether she was
a lesbian. She sued the military in civil court,
saw her discharge declared unconstitutional
in 1994 and returned to the Army as one of
the few gay people ever to serve openly. Her
fight for her rights in the military is recounted
in the TV movie Serving in Silence: The
Margarethe Cammermeyer Story.
Fay Jacobs, the owner of A&M Books
and Watton's publisher, hopes that Out of
Step will not only serve as a reminder of a
shameful time in the nation's history but
also help shape the future for gay and lesbian
servicemembers, post~ D ADT.
"This is a story that needs
telling;' says
OurTime:Breaking
theSilenceof "Don't
Ask,Don'tTell,,,edited
by JoshSeefried.
OnSeptember
20,2011,DADTwas
finallyrepealed-aftermorethan
17,000servicemembershadbeen
discharged
basedontheirsexual
orientation.
Thiscollectionof succinct,
heartfelt,first-personessaysis a fitting
tributeto thosesoldiers,voicingin plain
termsthe anguishandsufferingcaused
byoneof the mostmisguided
laws
enactedin ourlifetime.Whileit may
seemdisappointing
to seea gender
disparity-over40 storiesarefrom
malesandonlyfivefromfemalesthis is,according
to the publisher,
anaccuratereflectionof the ratioof
mento womenin thearmedforces.
Nevertheless,
this is a compelling
read,
articulating
thesoldiers'prideandtheir
conflict.JennBrownfelt shewasborn
to serveandmadeto feelshame:"I
knewI wantedto jointhe militaryeven
beforeI knewI wasa lesbian."Tania
Dunbarexactlysumsupthe nature
of the conflict:"Soldiers,
withwhomI
sweat,bleed,andcry,can'tevermeet
thewomanI love...Friendswhowould
diefor mecan'tevermeetthe person
whomakesmewantto live."A timely
release,editedbySeefried,
co-founder
of OutServe,
theassociation
of actively
servingLGBTmilitarypersonnel.
[MerrynJohns]
cucxe
marketolace
come'lifflilif
L
L1m1n.[ li'-mm
-verb
l
Caribbean translation relaxing
.J
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December 2011
I 79
STARS
Naughty and Nice
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Your celestial stocking is stuffed with goodies this month.
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.22)
Your career takes off this December, so that means that
you may want to defer vacation plans and channel all
your efforts into showcasing your accomplishments
to the big executives. Once you wheedle enough extra
dough from them you can bake it on some luxurious
hot beach far away from the office.
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan.20)
Start a personal press campaign for yourself and see
how your international influence can grow. Launch a
blog, take off on a diplomatic junket, enroll for a class
and generally expand your horizon. The knowledge
that you gain now will become very valuable in the
coming months.
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec. 22)
BecauseSagittariusis the ruler
of the ninth houseof travel,
highereducation,religion,
philosophyandthe law,
SapphicArchersare happiest
in careersthat givethem free
rangeto roamboth physically
and mentally.Theyare
gregarioussoulswho needto
interactwith othersand can't
be happilyconfinedto a lonely
deskjob. Theyare also more
egalitarianthan mostother
womenand don't tend rule
subordinatesby intimidation.In
fact they are morelikely than
not palswith their employees.
Youwill find at leastone
Sagdykeon everycorporate
softballteam. (Seeif you can
get to homebasewith her.)
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
December is the month to improve on your personal
karma by doing good charitable deeds and cleaning
out your closet. Any amount of effort will bring great
results and give you greater confidence and sex appeal.
A group of admirers are saying some very nice things
about you. And there is someone in particular who you
would like to buzz back.
Pisces(Feb.20-March20)
A friendship can become a full-fledged relationship,
if you allow it to happen. You are blessed with a great
group of girlfriends who love to hang around together.
The challenge, as you may see it, is that you don't want
to risk losing a good gal pal to a possible short-term
passionate fling.
Gemini(May22-June 21)
December has you thinking about ways to deck your
halls and spruce up your surroundings so that it
becomes a showplace and an epicenter of fun and
love. If time and money are tight, it needn't be an
expensive or time-consuming project. Just begin by
removing that"Stay Away" mat from your front door
and bring in Holly.
Cancer(June22-July 23)
Communication with partners is exceptionally important this month. Don't let unspoken grievances put
a damper on your winter festivities. There are many
diplomatic ways to say how you feel without hurting
her feelings. For those Crabs who are in the market
for a catch, you find that you can say the right thing
to reel her into your net.
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
The past year might have seen your fortunes shrink.
So make the most of every purchase and make your
dime stretch into a dollar. Of course there are some
gifts that can't be bought or sold: unconditional love,
generosity of time, unfettered loyalty. But how do
you wrap those things:'
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
You are the life of the holiday party and the star on
top of the tree. Enjoy every embarrassingly glorious
moment and give the boring folks something to talk
about in the cold winter months. In the meantime,
show the world the meaning of pride, pomp and
power. Go girl.
Aries(March21-April20)
Lambda Rams are the ones to meet and greet at the
office holiday party. Your professional charisma has no
limits and your capacity to schmooze the power elite
has no equal. What will you do with all that star power:'
One the one hand you could aspire to higher office and
eventually take over the firm. On the other hand ...
there is no other hand.
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Are you a woman of mystery or are you on the receiving
end of a surprise:' Time will tell. In the meantime,
you find many enjoyable ways to decorate your home
for the holidays. So invite a few bosom buddies over
to trim your tree and hang your tinsel. Be sure there
is plenty of hot toddy to go around.
Taurus(April21-May 21)
Has life been too stressful or too routine:' December
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is
was
made for vacation and fun. So make a beeline to
theauthorofHerscopes:
any
destination
where you can absolutely relax and
A GuidetoAstrology
party
till
your
hooves
ache. Sapphic Bulls have more
for Lesbians
(Simon&
energy and oomph than they realize and can take any
Schuster)
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes).
Nowavailableasan ebook.
small creative idea and make it a masterpiece.
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Make an effort to expand your circle of friends this
December. This can be achieved by wrangling invitations to different holiday parties or joining new dubs
or organizations or even creating an event yourself.
The most important thing is to get out there, make
charming conversation and press the flesh.
so I curve
CJ
:::J
I
0
a:
0
I
ABSOLUT
OUTRAGEOUS
?:~°"f?eifeded
CELEBRATING30 YEARSOF GOING OUT AND COMING OUT
//)Jlant
to be the
c~~anw
this season?
Visit macys.com/gifts
See all items with this value
-
Romi Klinger
HOT GIFT;' - FOR EVERY
LESBIAN
ON YOUR
LIST
Ertfll&tllt
Inside
Palestine's
Secret
Lesbian
World
HOLDAY
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Features
44
Accidentally Fabulous
32
Nowhere To Bounce To
40
54
DECEMBER
2011
In her autobiography, Happy Accidents,
Jane Lynch reflects on life lessons, luck
and finding love. By Edie Stull
In New York City, queer women of color
are at risk of homelessness. This startling
photo essay explores their lives.
By Samantha Box
Romi Por Vida
Forget the drama and drinking:
The Real L Word's Romi Klinger
makes her mark on the world of fashion.
By Rashida Harmon
Holiday Gift Guide
It's that time of year to show your
loved ones what they mean to you.
From sexy stocking stutters to gorgeous
girlie goodies, we have something for
every lezzie on your list.
66
Vermont Vacay
70
Palestine's Secret
Lesbian World Unveiled
For the perfect blend of nature and culture,
nothing beats a vacation to the Green
Mountain State. By Constance Parten
Meet the brave lesbian community
thriving in secret, in the Arab world.
By Maria De La 0
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Departments
IN EVERY ISSUE
6
7
8
10
17
20
22
24
80
Letters
26
Contributors
Editor's Letter
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Out in Front
28
Scene
Lesbofile
Lipstick & Dipstick
30
DECEMBER
2011
Relationship Advice
Are you out on Facebook? Learn more about
your privacy settings and make the most of
relationships with friends, exes, colleagues
and strangers.
Laugh Track
Cute comic DeAnne Smith goes from poetry
to punchlines.
Politics
How to really celebrate the holiday season.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Stars
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Curvatures
Now there's a greeting card for every
lesbian occasion, thanks to one
enterprising Las Vegas couple.
The Two of Us
Our monthly profile of lesbian couples
who live, love and work together.
74
76
78
Film: New award-winning lesbian film
Pariah examines the African American identity.
Music: From the Outback to Indianapolis,
Martine Locke thrills with her acoustic stylings.
Books: The repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell
has made the military a hot non-fiction topic.
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curve
urvemag.com
Jay Toole: Crusader
For Economic Justice
As the Occupy Wall Street movement
spreads around the world, one butch's
40-year fight for the queer dispossessed in New York City continues.
Read her story on curvemag.com.
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No Lezzie Left Behind
(on Your Holiday List)
Sure we've got 77 hot gift ideas
starting on page 54, but who doesn't
appreciate even more food for giftgiving thought. Fortunately, we've got
you covered with more great holiday
gift ideas for you on curvemag.com.
Get Ready to Rock
As any gamer grrrl knows, musicbased video games are plentiful. From
Guitar Hero to Rock Band gamers
have been rocking for years-virtually.
All that is about to change with the
advent of Rocksmith, a genre-altering
game that actually teaches players
how to play a real guitar. As a result
it's gotten tons of buzz, but does it live
up to the hype? Is this your chance
to finally realize your lezzie rockstar
dreams? Read our preview on
curvemag.com to find out.
Get Lucky with Tucky
J
Check out our interview with Tucky
Williams, sexy futch star of the hot
new lesbian webseries Girl/Girl on
curvemag. com
Meet Holly Miranda
For fans of Ani DiFranco and Missy
Higgins, there is a new indie singer,
ready to rock your world: Holly
Miranda. In our one-on-one with the
soulful singer-songwriter, Miranda
talks about her Record a Record
campaign, the woes of the music
industry and "Rapid Pelicans," the
song she wrote for the It Gets Better
campaign, on curvemag.com.
0
in
December 2011
I5
LETTERS
Butch Fashion Special
I Lesbian Vampires I Catie Curtis
"taking space;' that is, getting away so you can
finally be who you really are. Thanks for your
great work. -Julia Colwell,Ph.D., Boulder, CO
From Curve's
Facebook Wall
Bowing Down to Tabatha
I am a male subscriber to curve. Your
photos of Tabatha Coffey in your
September issue (Vol. 21#7] and on its
cover have convinced me that I am right
in subscribing to a lesbian magazine. I
think Tabatha Coffey is the most God-like
person I've ever seen. - William Hickey,
Virginia Beach, VA
sheis myfavoritest
EVER!!!
wishsheneededa girlfriend!
-CameronLangner
drool@Kirsten
Vangsness
... great
issue!!:)-BriArnold
Do-goodery Decoded
No Merge Ahead
I appreciate Lisa Eramo's exploration oflesbians
and merging in your October issue (Vol.
21#8]. I did my dissertation on this topic
way back in the '80s. I actually found that
lesbians weren't more prone to merging than
straight couples-and
gay men merged the
most of all! I would like to add a tip about
how to create a stronger sense of self: Tell the
truth. My experience in seeing many couples
over the past 20 years is that the main way
people start blurring out their identities is the
"sure, honey, whatever you want" moment.
Saying how you feel and what you really want
are powerful antidotes to the old standby of
First off, I generally love curve and it makes
my day every time I receive my monthly copy
in the mail. However I was offended at the
fact that in the "Lipstick Lesbian" (Vol. 21#8]
beauty article in the October issue it was
implied that HIV/ AIDS is a gay problem.
Just because a company supports AIDS
research and funding is no reason to associate
it with the gay community. While it may have
been prevalent in the gay community in times
past, HIV/ AIDS is not a gay problem, but
a widespread human problem. Yes, we should
all be supportive of efforts to eliminate it, but
to present this in such a way is downright
disrespectful. A little subtlety and discretion
would have been welcome.
-R.P., Brooklyn, N.Y.
Dude
... loveher!-Val Schaeffer
Can'twait;mineis inthepostforthe
UK:)-Ste/la Bennett
youcanplaywithmycomputer
any
time-LuleeAhmed
Sheissoyummy!!!-LoriPlemens
Talknerdyto me!-Val Schaeffer
I absolutely
LOVE
her!!!!!!-LeeJ Frost
Thelatesteditionofcurve arrivedin
themailtoday!Nothing
elsematters
oncurve day!-Jean Turner-Floyd
THANK
YOUcurve formakingmyFB
Postpartofthismonth's
issue!I was
•1 Thismagazine
isthe
sosurprised!
it to Everyone!
bestandI recommend
•-summer AlexisKolacki
Editor's
Note:We couldn't agreemore! The impli-
cation in "Lipstick Lesbian" was not that HIV I
AIDS was a 'gay problem," but that we lesbians
like choosing a makeup brand that supports
worthy causes.
a5 Like
Fireperson Faux Pas
Poll
What's the best
cold-weather date?
29%
Applepicking,
wholesome
anddelicious
28%
23%
20%
Cansnuggling
bea date?
Darkbarandfinewine
A tripto somewhere
tropical
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
6
I curve
Wow. What a slap in the face. I never thought
I'd see printed in curve a word that sends
women back 40 years. "Fireman" was used in
Sarah Toce's October artide"The Good Wife:'
(Vol. 21#8] How could you let this happen?
-Amy Stockham, Conway Springs, Kan.
CORRECTION
Fiona Silver was included in our "Sexiest
Luscious Lesbos" section (Vol. 21#8], however
Silver does not self-identify as lesbian.
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CONTRIBUTORS
EstherZinnis a journalist, web designer and screenwriter
based in New York. Her last short film, Never the Bride,
was a featured selection at the Frameline 34 International
LGBT Film Festival. She enjoys tinkering with cutting,
edge gadgets, watching indie or foreign films, experiencing
NYC nightlife and collecting first,edition 1950s pulp
romance novels. Read her interview with Pariah director
Dee Rees on page 76. ( estherzinn.com)
JessMcAvoy
is a singer,songwriter with 20 years of experi,
ence, including international tours throughout Australia
and America; she has opened for Ani DiFranco, Michelle
Shocked, Toni Childs, Ember Swift and many more.
After performances at New York's famed Knitting Factory,
CBGB, and the Bitter End, McAvoy had a sold,out farewell
show in Melbourne for her Australian fans, then made the
leap to Toronto where she aims to write her 13th album in
her first real winter. Read her interview with fellow Aussie
expat musician Martine Lock on page 74. (jessmcavoy.com)
For DeniseWeldon-Siviy,
everything comes back to the
importance of family. On how that philosophy informed
her article, "Coming out of the Web Closet" (page 26) she
says, "It's always great to write about topics that make my
kids proud. My daughter Nina hasn't been this excited
since I did some power yard sale shopping and managed
to buy her an extensive collection of Vagina T,shirts while
she was directing the Vagina Monologues at The University
of Pittsburg:' Her three other kids are actually even more
proud. After all, wouldn't it be insanely cool if your mom
actually got paid to play on Facebookr
Since 2005, Brooklyn,based photographer SamanthaBox
has dedicated herself to documenting homeless lesbian,
gay, bisexual and transgender youth in New York City.
Her project, "Invisible;' has been recognized by the
Anthropographia Award for Photography and Human
Rights, En Foco and the New York Foundation for the
Arts, and has been widely exhibited, most notably in
2010 at The Sanctuary for Independent Media in Troy,
N.Y., and in 2011 as part of the Open Society Institutes
"Moving Walls #18" exhibition. (samanthaboxphoto.com)
TinaVasquez,who for this issue tackled the growing topic
of genderqueer parenting (page 48), is an LA.,based
freelance writer and editor who specializes in progressive
issues. A former editor at Elevate Difference, she now
regularly contributes to Sexls, The Glass Hammer and
has written for Bitch, Herizons, curve, curvemag.com
and
December 2011
I7
EDITOR'S
NOTE
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
TIS
IS OURHOLIDAY
ISSUE
and visions of the celebra-
tion at my house should be enough to bring a smile to
my face-opening a pile of gifts, tucking into a festive meal
with loved ones, remembering the year that's been. But there's
the problem. We're still in a recession, there's unrest around
the globe, environmental devastation, and keeping up with
the news means fewer and fewer good tidings. We seem to be
unable to put aside our differences-peace and goodwill on
Earth are distant dreams.
In the magazine business, however,
we like good news. Magazines are
about useful information, wonderful
people and places, interesting prod~
ucts. So I wondered how curve
could celebrate this festive time of year
without ignoring the real issues that
will not go away, no matter how much
tinsel you drag out of the closet.
I was therefore delighted to have
an interview with Jane Lynch as
our cover story. Does anybody not
smile just thinking about her, even
when she's supeMnarky Sue Sylvester:'
Lynch's triumphant trajectory from
D~list drinker to much~admired and
well~loved comedy maven is a gift we
can all take joy in. She has proved
(through talent and persistence) that
you can be queer, here, and people
may even ask you to host the A~list
Emmy Awards ceremony!
This issue is abundant with other gifts. While we have
77 seductive stocking stuffers that will delight dykes of all
stripes-they're
hand~selected specifically with lesbians in
mind-we suggest you give other, more altruistic gifts, too.
Giving time, money, kind words-these
may not sparkle,
but they will endure. Give a donation to the Paula Ettelbrick
Memorial Fund and to Sylvia's Place for homeless LGBT
youth in New York City, and give everyday assistance to
those who are struggling to get by. If you heed the words of
our resident chaplain, Joni McClain, and our political colum~
nist, Victoria Brownworth, you'll realize that giving is indeed
receiving.
Happy holidays!
Giving Is
Receiving
41/4.
Merry~
Edito:-~/~:
merryn@curvemag.com
s I curve
DECEMBER
2011
LESBIAN
I
MAGAZINE
VOLUME 21 NUMBER 10
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenios
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Contributing Editors Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Stephanie Schroeder, Constance Parten
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
Editorial Assistants Rashida Harmon, Emelino Minero,
Rosanna Rios Spicer
OPERATIONS
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
National Sales
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, info@rivendellmedia.com
East Coast Sales
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Midwest & West Coast Sales
Deidre Saddoris (303) 242-5479, deidre@curvemag.com
Business Development
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
Fundraising Coordinator
Janet Weyers (201) 535-3264, janet@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo,
Lauren Marie Fleming, Lisa Gunther, Melany Joy Beck, Gillian
Kendall, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Ariel Messman-Rucker, Constance Parten, Laurie K. Schenden,
Stephanie Schroeder, Lori Selke, Janelle Sorenson, Dave Steinfeld,
Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes,
Syd London, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Constance Parten,
Leslie Van Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams
PO Box 467
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Volume 21 Issue 10 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY
10034. Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $89.95
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Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part,
without written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any
persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an
indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve
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CELEBRATEYOURLO
With a welcoming community, a world wonder and incredible art,
architecture, entertainment, dining and nightlife, Buffalo Niagara
is ready to host your big day.
I~
NY
There's a Card for That
Anyone who has ever wandered through the gift shop aisles
looking for a perfect way to express how you feel to a lesbian
friend, queer family member or your own sweetie, knows
you'll most likely just end up buying a blank card to edit
yourself-or give up altogether.
Major retailers, chic gift shops and holiday specialty
stores have had plenty of time to create, market and sell
greeting and holiday cards that reflect the diversity of LG BT
relationships-so
why haven't they taken advantage of the
purchasing power of this community? One reason might be
because one resourceful couple has beaten them to it. Dina
Proto and her partner of eight years, Dina Poist~ Proto,
started Teazled to fill two needs: For the LGBT community
to see our relationships reflected in the time~honored art~
work of holiday cards and so our friends and families can
easily honor those relationships and special occasions. The
need became obvious to the couple when their oldest child
apologized for a card that had to be tailored with a hand
drawn "s"at the end of "mother:' From that moment on, they
knew there had to be a card for everybody.
With a sales and marketing background and support
from family, friends and even total strangers they started
Teazled, a card company catering specifically to LGBT
couples, parents, family and friends in March 2011. Teazled
started with 60 cards but soon grew and now they hope
to release 20 to 30 new cards each month. There are cards
for every occasion from common holidays like Hanukkah
and Halloween to their unique and much~needed coming
out cards designed to help smooth the emotional journey
for loved ones. "Teazled cards are inspired by everyday life;'
says Poist~ Proto. She carries a notebook with her every~
where to jot down new ideas. The couple also takes sug~
gestions from customers who want to see a specific card,
quote, or image.
For now you can find Teazled cards online at but anticipate
seeing them in your favorite stores. Proto and Poist~ Proto
aren't interested in further segregating their product or the
LGBT community. They want to see their cards in the same
stores and aisles where other cards are sold. They hope to
send a universal message-that
no matter the makeup of
our family we all deserve to share happiness. ( teazled.com)
[Rosanna
RiosSpicer]
"Teazled
cards are
inspired by
everyday
life"
ll'swholam.
December 2011
I 11
CURVATURES
Calendar Girls
Bring the sexy in 2012 with these hot, lesbian-created calendars. By Emelina Minero
It's that time of year when you get to introduce a dozen new lesbians into your life-in
the form of a calendar. Fortunately for us lady lovers there is a variety of tempting, titillating,
lesbian-themed calendars to choose from in 2012. Here are a few of our favorites, all
featuring tantalizing, out queer women.
L is for Luscious
Shot by fine~art photographer Cristina de la Madera
and featuring real life lesbian and bisexual couples, the
L-Calendar
is sensual, evocative and hot. Shot all in black
and white, the calendar captures the allure and romance
of the intimate, passionate and quiet moments between
women who love women. (cristinadelamadera.be)
12
I curve
From London with Love
For those looking for international flavor, the latest from I Love London is a must~have.
Photographer Nadia Attura and styist Mercury founded I Love London Girls to
showcase lesbian diversity and challenge stereotypes of what a "typical" lesbian looks
like. This year's concept, I LoveCareerGirls,will feed your workplace fantasies with
months themed after dreamy professions like sexy librarians, construction workers,
ballet dancers-and of course it will have you hot for teacher. (ilovelondongirls.com)
All-Star Autostraddle
Back for a second pulse~raising year, Autostraddlers Robin Roemer
(photographer) and Sara Medd (stylist) are bringing their special
brand of SoCal sexy for your daily pleasure. By selecting calendar
girls with an emphasis on diversity, intelligence and hotness, Roemer
and Medd want to strip away gender and sexual identity stereotypes
Calendar
features
(as well as clothing). Plus, the 2012Autostraddle
several familiar faces including iiber~sexy butch comic Julie Goldman,
and Real L Word lovely, Francine Beppu. (autostraddle.com)
December 2011
I 13
CURVATURES
the rundown
Lesbian couple Teresa
Foldsand Juleigh
Snellwere asked to leave the Four
Seasons
Hotel in St.Louisafter they were seen kissing in the Jacuzzi by hotel
security. An official statement from the hotel general manager said, "Four
Seasons respects the behaviors of our guests, except where doing so may be a
breach of law or create tensions among people. This was the case on the night
in question, as our staff received several complaints about the guests'"behavior': ..
LeishaHaileyof The L Word was escorted off of a Southwest
Airlines
flight for
kissing her Uh Huh Her bandmate Camila Grey.
Hailey used her Twitter account to call for a community
boycott of the airline. Southwest issued a statement
saying"we received several passenger complaints
characterizing the behavior as excessive. Our crew,
responsible for the comfort of all Customers on
board, approached the passengers based solely on
behavior and not gender:: .. Four men have been
Nkonyana
in CapeTown,
convicted of the murder of 19~year~old lesbian Zoliswa
SouthAfricain 2006. Nkonyana was stoned, kicked and stabbed to death and
the murder trial was postponed over 30 times due to failings of defense attorneys
to arrive in court. Three other men were acquitted due to lack of evidence
linking them to the murder though they were present when Nkonyana was
Canada received six months of house
killed ... A 16~year~old boy in Edmonton,
arrest as a deferred sentence and 15 months probation after attacking lesbian
Shannon
Barry.Barry suffered a broken jaw, crushed eye socket and facial nerve
damage from the teens attack. The teens attorney said her client's actions were
"spontaneous and stupid, but not deliberate:' Angry about his sentence the teen
Lowrey]
spat on the courtroom floor after the judge's ruling. [Sassafras
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HONORARY
LIFETIME
LESBIAN
MEMBERSHIP
OUTINFRONT
Remembering Paula L. Ettelbrick
In October, we lost one of our most fearless and tireless campaigners
for lesbian and gay rights. By Sheryl Kay
From Sri Lanka to San Francisco, rainbow flags flew at half-staff
on October 7 as one of our community's finest legal advocates,
Paula Ettelbrick, lost a yearlong battle with ovarian cancer. She
had turned 56 years old only the week before. She is survived by
her partner, Marianne Haggerty; her children, Adam Ettelbrick,
14, and Julia Ettelbrick, 12; her brother, Robert Ettelbrick Jr; and
her sister, Linda Anderes. Her children now live with her former
partner, Suzanne Goldberg and her partner, Mary Lou Kelley.
Paula was no newcomer to hard fights. Her lifelong devotion to
social justice began when she became the first staff attorney hired
by Lambda Legal, in 1986. She was one of the original architects of
domestic partnership and co~parenting law in the United States,
and often faced judges who had, to say the least, very little experi~
ence with the gay community-judges
who were often repugnant
and disrespectful. Yet Paula, ever the articulate activist, won
many courtroom battles waged over the concept of equality under
the law.
Her career blossomed as she went on to become the legal director
of Lambda, then over the next decade served in executive capacities for several groups, including the National Center for Lesbian
Rights, Empire State Pride Agenda and the International Gay and
Lesbian Human Rights Commission.
Ten years ago, she went into academia. She was on the law faculty
most recently at New York University and Barnard College.
When I last spoke to Paula, I was interviewing her for this column.
We talked about how some lesbians might be averse to activism
because of the long hours and hard work it required, not to mention
the low pay. Her response was so Paula.
"Keep in mind that changing the world can be fun;' she said.
"I would never have survived these 25 years of LGBT advocacy
if it weren't for the irreverent, outlandish, brilliant and passionate
colleagues I have had in this movement. Yes, sometimes we can be
hard on ourselves, and, yes, we are now in a much more suits and
buttoned~down kind of movement. But I still think lesbians, in
particular, have barely come into our own. Get out there and be
a part of making the world we live in better:'
Thanks, Paula, for doingjust
THEPAULAETTELBRICK
MEMORIAL
FUND
In late August, Paula announced she'd be stepping down
from her post as executive director at the Stonewall
Community Foundation, due to her illness. A fund in honor
of Paula has been established at Stonewall. The Paula
Ettelbrick Memorial Fund is a grantmaking fund dedicated
to the support of lesbian feminist issues and programs for
LGBT families. All Stonewall grantmaking decisions will be
made by a community-based funding panel. Contributions
to the fund are now being accepted and are fully taxdeductible. To make a contribution in memory of Paula,
please go to stonewallfoundation.org or mail to:
Stonewall Community Foundation, Paula Ettelbrick
Fund, 446 West 33rd Street, New York, N.Y. 10001.
December 2011
I 17
THETWOOFUS
Kayla & Samantha
Motocross racer Kayla Kahn and trainer Samantha Stewart share their strategy for winning
on and off the racetrack. By Lyndsey D' Arcangelo
How they met
Samantha:
We met on a networking site two and a half years ago.
I moved from Ohio to Arizona to finally meet her and we haven't
been separated since. You just know when something is meant
to be.
Kayla:We are very active individuals and we love to get out. We
pretty much enjoy every sport together-but
the one sport we eat,
sleep and breathe is definitely motocross. Samantha is my mentor
and trainer both on and off the track, and I couldn't be more thankful.
We left Arizona for a change of pace and moved to Los Angeles.
Since then, we have been on a journey and are fully dedicated to
each other, motocross, and making a difference.
Getting hitched
Kayla:There is not one day that goes by that I am not thankful for
my life and Samantha. I love her with all my heart and no matter
the circumstance we may be in, knowing we have each other is really
a breath of fresh air. We do everything together and our love is
already sealed-we don't need paperwork to prove that. But getting
married is something we are really looking forward to.
Why they fit so well together
Kayla:First of all, communication and trust is everything. We do
everything together and I couldn't be more thankful for the bond
we experience. We are like~minded individuals, so when it comes
to business and life in general, we use that to our advantage and can
accomplish a lot. We have overcome a lot of obstacles after
the falling out with our financial sponsor and being home~
less, but it just makes us push harder and achieve what
we set out to accomplish overall. I will be getting my pro
license for racing and we are determined to make a stand
for equality in the sports industry.
Making it work
Samantha:
We are literally around each other 24/7 in this
sport as well as other activities, and other projects we have
going on. There are moments of tension from motocross
and training, but we take deep breaths and try to analyze
why we are upset and/ or not understanding something.
We truly do work great together.
Advice on working and living together
Kayla:Learn to accept and love your partner for every
positive and negative aspect they may have or encounter
within themselves, and be there for them regardless of
how hard it may seem. Samantha and I know what we
want in life and we know that we are both here for a bigger
purpose. Any little disagreement or challenge you face as
an individual or as a couple is just a lesson showing you
what you still need to change in life. Love and enjoy every
second you spend together because you never know when
your time may be up.
Samantha:
If you feel tension, walk away for just a minute
so you can analyze the situation and calm yourself down.
My best advice is just this: Be loyal, don't lie about any~
thing. Honesty is the "it" in any relationship. So, calm
down and talk it out. Be blessed your heart is still beating
yet another day and do what you need to do in life to
change for the positive. (kaylakahnmx.com)
18
I curve
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Daughters of Anarchy The Sirens, New York City's oldest and largest
women's motorcycle club, celebrate their 25th anniversary. By Syd London
The Sirens Women's Motorcycle Club of N.Y.C.
celebrated their 25th anniversary with something
special-and
bad~ass, traveling to upstate New
York for a weekend getaway with their sister M.C.
(motor~cycle club) "The Violators" aka Moving
Violations, from the Boston area and The Amazons,
from Toronto. Over the weekend of September
16-18, 60 women took over the Glen Falls House in
Round Top, N.Y. They allowed one photojournalist
exclusive access to document the weekend-me.
The experience made me think of summer camp, for
women who love motorcycles. The entire weekend was
packed with optional activities, from a 4~hour group
ride on Saturday to softball, dancing and hanging out,
talking bikes. Saturday night kicked off with a group
dinner and an historical multimedia presentation by
Sirens founder Jacqui and her wife Gigi. They hosted
a hilarious talent show, which included current
president Karin in female drag followed by dancing
to a live band. The weekend was about sisterhood:
The bonds between these women stretch back over
a quarter of a century when just being a woman who
wanted to ride a motorcycle was a radical act. On group
rides, all riders are accounted for at every stage of the
journey so that "no Siren is left behind:' The weekend
left me feeling gratitude for the path they've helped
pave for other lesbians. They created an alternative
family that suits them, showing that it's possible to
find a community that embraces and celebrates us as
our empowered, bad~ass selves. (sirensnyc.com)
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December 2011 I 21
LESBOFILE
Sugar and Spice and All Things Nice
As the year draws to a close,
some of our fave dykons wrestle with their lesbian legacies. By Jocelyn Voo
Pot,PurpleHairandUnrequited
Love
Despite it being public knowledge that
Kristen Stewart is in an off-screen romance
with her on-screen Twilight love Robert
Pattinson, that's not going to stop cadres of
lesbians from best remembering her as lesbian
rock star Joan Jett in The Runaways. And
now there's another role that may eclipse the
memory of Bella Swan: Stewart is rumored
to be up for the role of Beth Barnacle, "a potsmoking purple-haired lesbian who suffers
the defeat of unrequited love" in the comedic film adaptation of Galt Niederhoffer's
novel A Taxonomy of Barnacles alongside
Maggie Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway.
Truly, we couldn't have put together a more
perfect sentence.
MakeIt a Double
Post Kelli Carpenter, it seemed like Rosie
O'Donnell had left the limelight behind. But
now the outspoken comic is back front and
center with a new TV show and, yes, a new
girlfriend, Michelle Rounds.
"I thought she was a 28-year-old heterosexual girl because that's what she looked like
to me, and she's a 40-year-old gay woman;'
O'Donnell told ABC Nightline."My gaydar
was way off:'
To top it off: the pair met in line at
Starbucks. Talk about ordering a single and
getting a double.
22
I curve
GrrlPower?
The Spice Girls exploded onto
the U.S. music scene in '96
with their girl power anthem
"Wannabe;' but since then have
pretty much disappeared into obscurity
after a few half-baked movies and reunion
tours. Individually, Posh Spice aka Mrs.
Victoria Beckham, and "Scary Spice" aka
Mel B endured some scandal about lesbian
flings. But very little has been heard about
Mel C. Until now.
The former Sporty Spice told the U.K:s
Daily Mail that during the band's heyday,
the press didn't spare her from criticism.
Comments about her appearance being
"masculine" and "gobby" prompted both a
bout with bulimia as well as public speculation about her sexuality. But to set the record
straight (pun intended), Melanie Chisholm
has never been better: Happy, healthy, in a
committed relationship with a man since 2002
and mom to a young daughter. When it comes
to lesbian flings and the Spice Girls, don't
confuse them: that was Mel B, not Mel C.
ThePast,Uncorked
All eyes have been on Chaz Bono lately,
thanks to his "controversial" presence on
Dancing With the Stars. However, now the
public lens zooms in on his long-time honey,
Jennifer Elia, who was arrested by LAPD
in 2004 for domestic battery
of an ex-boyfriend, according
to Star magazine. No reports
about the outcome, but there
are suggestions that Elia turned
to the bottle to cope.
Elia claims to be sober since May oflast year.
With their impending nuptials, we hope so.
Kingof the Show
Anyone check out this year's MTV Video
Music Awards? You know, the one where
Beyonce revealed her baby bump in a purple
sequin tux coat and cummerbund? Oh
yeah-and
where Lady Gaga hosted the
event as drag king alter ego Jo Calderone?
This isn't the first time Gaga has traded
her platinum blonde hair and kooky getups
for greaser hair and a stubbled face, halfsmoked cigarette permanently dangling from
her snarling lips. Calderone made his debut
on the cover of Vogue Hommes Japan last
September, and since then he's reprised his
role on the cover of Gaga's new single "Yoii
and r:•But now you could see him in full
flesh at the VMAs-right
down to the outline of his prosthetic penis (which must've
come in handy for the many crotch-grabs of
the night).
Some Little Monsters might say it's a step
down from a dress made of raw meat. Us?
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This Christmas, Get Some Balls It's time to stop asking for the stuffing in
one breath and rolling over for narrow-minded cornholes, in the next. By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My girlfriend, Gwen, and I have been dating
for about two years. In August, I landed a job and moved 800 miles, to a
conservative state, to be with her. I left all my friends and family behind
so she could live 30 minutes from her loved ones. Since moving, I've
made very few friends, and I hardly ever see my girlfriend because she
works a lot. Now that it's the holiday season, I find myself desperately
lonely and wondering if I made a mistake. Her parents know I moved
here for her, yet they refuse to acknowledge me and I have not received
an invitation for Christmas dinner. This makes me furious because they
know my family is very welcoming to their daughter. I care so deeply
about Gwen. She is an amazing, talented person, and I certainly don't
want to hurt her because I'm being an attention whore. Is this a healthy
situation?- Lonely Lucy in Louisville
Dipstick:
Well, this one is simple. Go be with
your family, where you feel loved and wel~
corned. Bring Gwen with you. Maybe she'll
fall in love with them and the two of you will
decide to move to be near your family. Forget
Gwen's inhospitable parents, but why would
you want to spend the holidays with a bunch
of philistines who don't want you around:'
Lipstick:
What a big steaming pile of reindeer
poop, Lucy Lou. Gwen should stand up to her
parents and insist that they include you. Period.
End of story. You are not being an attention
whore. Not even dose. Gwen needs-as my
mom used to say-an "attitude acljustment"
and to get some serious Christmas balls this
year (that last part was me, not Mama Lipstick).
It's time for passive gays to stop asking for
the stuffing in one breath and rolling over for
narrow ~minded cornholes, even if we call them
family,in the next. Enough already.Stand up for
yourselves! If Gwen can't find the strength to
push back, it will be your choice to stay and live
on those terms. Perhaps it was the wrong move,
U Hauling to Conservative~ville.Time will tell.
For now, whether you score the invite or not,
grab the eggnog and your girl and start hanging
tinsel on your own tree. Forget the Fockers.
24
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DearLipstickand Dipstick:I'm in lovewith a
bisexualfriendof mine,Emily.Sheusedto flirt
with me all the time and it's beenconfusing.
EmilyknowsI'm a lesbian,and I usedto laugh
off all hercome-onsbecauseshehad,andstill
has,a girlfriend.Lately,though,she'sstopped
flirting,and has actuallybeenrudeto me and
madefun of me.Thenshehardlylooksat me or
talksto me. I thinkshe'smadat me becauseI
didn'trespondto herflirtationthe way I probablyshouldhave.I wantto tellherhowI feel,but
I'm soscaredthatshe'llridiculeme,or thatshe
won'tfeelthesameway,orthatshe'llrejectme.
WhatdoI do?-BewilderedBroad
Lipstick:BB, it's time to blow out the candles
and put away the Magic Wand, because she's
not available. She's in a relationship-albeit
a
seemingly unsatisfying one-so back off. As
Tony Soprano would say: Fah~get about it.
The last thing you need is her ex~girlfriend
hiding in the bushes, watching you. Unless, of
course, you're one of those gluttonous dykes
who feed on tears and lezzie drama for break~
fast. If you are, I've been dying to ask you a
simple question: WTF :'
Dipstick:
WTF is right. I used to know a chick
who only pursued women in relationships.
We used to call her Roadhouse Rita and
avoided her like the plague at every Pride
parade. BB, what are you, 10 years old:' Is
Emily also pulling your hair and writing bad
words on your locker:' It sounds like your
ex:
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Lipstick & Dipstick ADVICE
O.K. The hard truth is that you're just a wee
baby. No offense, but I'd run in the opposite
direction, too, if I found myself on a date with
a teenager. The age gap is way too wide here.
You're barely legal! I know it's tough-she's
your first big crush, and no doubt the sexual
DearLipstickand Dipstick:I'm a 19-year-old vibe was intense (it always is at 19)-but she's
who just came out and I met a 33-year-old doing the right thing by pulling away. You
womanat a party recently.I really like her need to move on, too. And don't fret, Blossom,
despiteour age difference,
and I thinkwe're these age distinctions will blur over time.
verycompatible.
We'vehungout a few times,
andthe lasttimewe hungouttherewas a lot Dipstick:
And Lipstick should know a thing or
of sexualtension.We didn'thavesex, but it two about older women.
was intense.Now,it seemslikeshe'savoiding
meandnolongerinterested.
Thisis drivingme Lipstick:
Darn tootin'. I love me some sophisti~
crazy.She'sthefirstwomanI'veeverbeenona cated tail, a woman who's lived and learned.
datewithandI can'tstopthinkingabouther.I
don'tknowwhatto do.-Blossoming
Butch
Dipstick:Back when Dipstick was 19, I fell
hard for the hot 33~year~old peace studies
Lipstick:Hey, 19, I wish I could take you
student. We met at a party and I boldly asked
under my wing and tell you it's all going to be
her out. She had to pick me up, of course,
friend has a bit of a sadistic side. She knows
how to pull you in just to crush you. Afraid
she'll ridicule you? That says it all. Someone
you can't trust with your feelings is not even
worthy of your friendship.
because I didn't have a car. But I took her to
my favorite falafel place and we totally con~
nected. We even made out in her car in front
of my dorm. Honestly, I think that's what
freaked her out. Here I was, just barely out
of my parents' house, living on my own for the
first time, hadn't even declared a major yet,
and she was in that phase of life where she
was trying to decide whether to join the Peace
Corps or adopt a baby. We were attracted to
each other, but it takes more than that for a
relationship to work. You're just coming out,
and your mature beauty is in a really differ~
ent place. I'm sure she's attracted to you, but
she wants to be seduced by an intense Petite
Syrah, not the Concord grape juice from
your lunch box.
Tune in to curvemag.com/lipstickanddipstic
to watchthe The Lipstick& DipstickShow.
Or write to tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
ADVICE Relationships
Coming Out of the Web Closet
Still deciding whether to be out on Facebook?
Make sure your privacy settings haven't already decided for you. By Denise Weldon-Siviy
People outside the LGBT community tend
to see "coming out" as a binary condition: You
are or you aren't. In reality, there are quite
a few steps in between. Increasingly, one of
those steps is deciding whether to come out
on Facebook and other social media.
There are several levels of coming out on
Facebook. Some are obvious. Announcing
that you're In a relationshipand designating
your girlfriend's or wife's name is pretty obvi,
ous. So is selecting Women in the Interested
in portion of your Basic information. Some
are less obvious. Clicking the Like button
for pages related to LG BT issues or causes,
joining related groups or even commenting
on a Friend's status may also announce your
sexual orientation to the public. So, you may
already beout already and simply not realize it.
In our increasingly digital age the day will
come when you will have to decide whether
to be in our out online, but before you decide
whether to come out on Facebook, consider
the following:
1. Howpublicareyou?Many gay and bisexual
women choose not to discuss their orienta,
tion on Facebook because they're basically
private people. They're not ashamed or in
denial. They simply don't think it's anybody's
business. For Christina H., a high,school
language teacher, it's about discretion: "It's
just a privacy thing. I'm not hiding but see no
need to draw attention to it:'Transgender and
genderqueer users find Facebook's options
too limiting. Transguy Drew R. explains,
"I don't have Interested in listed because my
identity is too complex to fit in male/ female
checkboxes:•
2. AreyourFriendsreallyfriends?A Facebook
Friend isn't always a friend. To address this,
Facebook recently added the Close Friend
and Acquaintance designations. If many of
your Friends aren't friends, you may wish
to restrict who can view certain posts.
While this is certainly a potential solution,
it requires you to customize all your posts,
edit default settings and really understand
Facebook privacy settings.
26
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3. So,doyouunderstand
the Facebook
privacy
settings?Very few Facebook users fully
understand who can see what they post, link
to, message, like or comment on. Your Like
for Facebook pages like, Lesbian Herstory
Archives or Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund is
most likely public. So is your membership
in an open Facebook group such as Gay &
Lesbian Pride. While it may seem private
to comment on a Friend's status, it often
isn't. When you interact with someone else's
Facebook page, that page owner sets the
privacy level. Say you comment on Emily's
status about a recent Pride event. Who can
see your comment depends on whether
Emily designated her original post as Public,
for Friends or Custom. Emily may even have
posted to Close Friends or Acquaintances.
Here's a pro,tip on how to stay in control of
your privacy in this scenario. Mouse over the
symbol that appears after Emily's post. The
symbol itself is a clue: a tiny world for Public
(everyone), head profiles for Friends and a
flower symbol for Custom. Mousing over the
symbol provides additional details. It may
note "Shared with: Emily's friends of friends"
or "Shared with: Custom:' Custom doesn't
tell you exactly who Emily shared with, but
it does let you know that she thought about
it and then selected only certain friends to
share with.
4. DoyourFriends
understand
Facebook
privacy
settings?Before you comment on Friends'
posts, it's good to know whether your Friends
understand the Facebook privacy settings.
That's possible, but not likely. Consider the
recent controversy over Facebook's addition
HOW TO BE A CLUTTER COWGIRL
of the scrolling Ticker. No, they weren't
showing anything people hadn't been able
to see before. What the controversy demon,
strated dearly is that Facebook users really
don't understand Facebook privacy settings.
Want to make the most of a small space or curb your girlfriend's
messy ways? Start with a zero tolerance for clutter.
5. Is your i.iber-conservative
grandmother
on
Facebook?
Often in the LGBT community,
extended family is the last to know. How
will Marcie's grandmother react when her
Facebook Ticker lists "Marcie Defasio likes
Proud Lesbian?" What reaction can she expect
from her conservative niecer If your extended
family is on Facebook, that could be problem,
atic. Drew R. removed most of his family from
his Facebook account before coming out as
transgender. Still, he reports, "That backfired
because one of the few cousins I kept ended
up telling that entire side of the family:'
6. HaveyouFriended
yourbossor colleagues?
Ordo youuseFacebook
for job hunting?Not
surprisingly, the issue of orientation and
employment splits heavily by age. Older
women tend to be fairly circumspect in sepa,
rating their private and professional lives.
Younger women, having higher expectations
of tolerance, tend to share the view of Ashley
Birt, a graduate student in Theology at Union
Theological Seminary. "I seek out employers
who claim to be LGBT,friendly. If your
company or organization is really homophobic,
I want to work for you as much as you want
me to work for you:' While Ashley's view is
admirable, women with family and finan,
cial obligations sometimes find themselves
tolerating less than tolerant employersespecially in a difficult economy. For those
women, discretion on Facebook may be an
economic necessity.
Depending on how you use Facebook, you
may find being out online liberating, infor,
mative, annoying (if you need to customize
too many shares) or irrelevant. Ashley finds
it empowering. While she initially locked
down Facebook posts, Ashley changed her
mind after being approached by a student
who sought her out becauseof Facebook. "It
had never occurred to me that being out
online could indicate to others that I could
be a safe and understanding person to talk
to. I've been out to everyone on Facebook
ever since:'
•
I ama neat-freak,
a neuroticNewYork
Jewanda Virgo-I'm veryblessed.ButI
actuallystartedClutterCowgirlasa kidto
helpmyveryA.D.D.-prone
mother.Making
thingsneatandprettyisjust whoI am.As
anadult,I enjoyedhelpingfriendsgettheir
closetsandfilesin orderandtheysuggested
I startmyownbusiness.
I loveddoingit so
I wentfor it! Herearemyfivetipsto keep
clutteroutof yourlife,everyday:
0 Openyourmailandtakeaction!Don'tpile
When you make your
bed each day it sends
out the signal to yourself
and others that this is a
clutter-free zone.
0 Hangupyourclothes
rightafteryoutake
themoff.If youhaveoneshirtandoneskirt
to hangup,it's a lot moremanageable
to
dealwiththanweeksof yourwardrobe
hangingaroundlikedeadbeats.If your
girlfriendseesyoucleaningupandtidying
clothes,hopefullythis registerswith her
andshe'lldothesamefor younexttime.
upyourmailfor days.Thatleadsto grocery
bagsof unopened
creditcardoffersstuffed
in the backof yourcloset.Evenif youjust
opentheenvelopeandput it in yourToDo
pile,that'sonestepcloserto takingthe
appropriate
action.
0 Deleteoldemails.Digitalclutteris just as
drainingas reallife clutterso doyourself
a favorandhit that inboxoncea dayto
saygood-byeto unreadnewsletters,
coupons,completedprojectsand more.
You'llfeel better.
el Makeyourbed.It's mucheasierto pile
yourdirtylaundryandmagazines
ontoan
unmadebed.Whenyoumakeyourbed
eachdayit sendsoutthesignalto yourself
andothersthatthis is a clutter-freezone.
MygirlfriendandI havefallenintothe habit
of alwaysmakingthe bedwhenthe other
oneis in theshower.It's a simplegift to
givetheotherperson.
0 Empty
yourpurseorbagat theendof
theday.Evena neatfreaklike meshoves
tissues,oldgumwrappers,businesscards,
billsandotherjunk intomypurse.At the
endof theday,it's a greathabitto takefive
minutesandclearoutthatday'scraziness.
Dothesameto yourcar.Yournext-day-self
will thank you. (cluttercowgirl.com)
[JeniAron]
December 2011
I 27
LAUGH
TRACK
From Poetry to Punch Lines
Meet literary lesbian turned comic, DeAnne Smith. By Jillian Eugenics
DeAnne Smith describes herself as an "elf
trapped in a man's body, trapped in the body
of a small Persian girl, trapped in a body of
water, trapped in a woman's body;' and I've
also heard her described as the geeky hybrid
love child of Justin Bieber and Harry Potter.
Somewhere between the small Persian girl
and Justin Bieber's hair is a brilliant comic
who's wowing audiences around the globe. As
a result, her shows have been nominated for
numerous awards and she has zipped up the
comic hot lists, ranking No. 3 on Montreal's
Top 10 Comedians list the last two years
running. She's appeared on NBC's Last
Comic Standing, HBO's Funny as Hell and
Australia's Good News Week. DeAnne's
comedy is whip~smart, she's as affable as she
is funny and occasionally she even plays the
ukulele in her live shows. Swoon.
YoumovedfromNewYorkto Montrealin 2004.
Didyoumoveforcomedy?
That was for a relationship that I'm no longer
in. I hadn't started comedy before I moved
there so before I had any direction in my life
I would just do things because of girls. And
so I just moved to Montreal because my
girlfriend wanted to go to mime school and I
was like, all right.
Whatdidyoudobeforemovingto Montreal?
I used to write. I've always written humorous
stuff so I kind of came from a writing place
and then I moved to Montreal and went to
an open mic and once I went to my first open
mic I couldn't stop doing it. At a certain point
I thought it would be easier, and instead of
writing all this, I just got up on stage and
said it. Turns out it's not easier at all. But it
is more fun.
Whatdidyouwrite?
I was like a huge poetry nerd so I would write sonnets and villanelles
and get all excited about that stuff and my poetry ideas. It's quiet,
sincere, semi~dramatic. I used to do poetry and I liked it but then
it occurred to me that if I had a room full of people and I had all of
their attention and I could tell them anything, I would rather make
them laugh than make them feel quietly reflective.
Doyouseeyourself
asCanadian?
2s
I curve
I would like to. I like to pretend that I am when I'm traveling abroad.
I would like to see myself as Canadian but the more I travel the more
I realize I'm an American at heart. I can't shake the upbringing ...
but in a positive way. I think there's a certain kind of friendliness
and openness with Americans. When I'm traveling I always feel like
the typical American because I'm like, hey guys! What's going on?
There's an American enthusiasm. (girlongirlongirlcomedy.com)
POLITICS
The Gift of Giving
It's time to get back to the true meaning of the holiday spirit. By Victoria A. Brownworth
Whatdoyouwantfortheholidays?
It's the question of the season. Even in our
recession-driven economy, the selling of the
holidays starts earlier each year. Holiday
catalogues arrive in late summer. Christmas
and Hanukkah displays are up in stores
before the Halloween decorations are gone.
Retailers make half their annual profits
during the holiday push.
In recent years, however, I have started to
question the whole gift-giving aspect of the
holidays. It isn't that I want to stop giving
gifts-I don't. I really love that part of the
holidays. I just want to change it up a little.
We talk a lot about the spirit of the holidays. I believe that spirit is all about giving.
Yet the whole concept of giving has been
co-opted by the retailers-and by the drive
to acquire stuff that is endemic in our culture. We learn early on to want things, and
the endless advertisements and preholiday
sales make us yearn for stuff we neither
need nor really even want. (For example, I
love those coffeemakers with the individual
coffees in them. But since I don't even drink
coffee, why do I need one?)
30
I curve
Back in early October, I was driving home
late one night. It was nearly 2 a.m. and I was
downtown, which by day is bustling with
the people who live in my city. Shops line
the street where I was driving, but at that
hour it was deserted.
Except for the homeless people.
I never get inured to the homeless. I
don't understand how anyone does. I drive
around with cat food in the trunk of my car
for homeless animals-why wouldn't I help
a homeless human2
I didn't stop for anyone that night, but
I have been thinking about it ever since.
There weren't a lot of homeless women and
men, but they stood out because they were
the only people there. With carts and bags,
and one man also had crutches. You could
see how dirty they were. And there I was,
heading back to my house, where I would
take a shower before I got into bed.
Inside. Warm and clean and safe.
Over the years, I've done several series on
homeless people for newspapers and magazines. I did the first series ever on homeless
people with AIDS nearly 20 years ago. I did
another series on homeless women. And then
a couple of years ago I did a series on homeless LGBT youth that garnered national
acclaim and won me both straight and
queer journalism awards. It wasn't easy
doing any of those series. Some of the
people I interviewed still haunt me. I drove
around and walked around with my bag full
of disposable toothbrushes and bottles of
water and pieces of fruit and lots of change
and cheap pairs of gloves. The hardest part
of doing that kind of investigative work is
how difficult it becomes to explain to yourself why you have so much when other
people have nothing. It's not as simple as
the fact that you went to college and have
always had a job.
I was homeless briefly after college. The
circumstances don't matter. It wasn't longa few months. I was young and tough and I
survived, but I have never forgotten it.
About 10 years after that, I wrote a short
story for the New York publisher I was
under contract with. In the story, the main
character is homeless. She's a graduate student, but she's in a city she doesn't know
well, and she's alone. Some things happen
and she ends up homeless.
My editor rejected the story. She didn't
believe that my character, with her middleclass aspirations and her education, could
end up like that.
I told her that the story was based on
someone I knew. I didn't say it was me,
although it was. She couldn't believe it
because she just couldn't imagine herself
ever being homeless.
If you think about the Christmas story,
though, that's what it's about. There are
Mary and Joseph, traveling to a strange city
to deal with some tax drama and she's pregnant and they aren't married and then the
baby is born and they are outside in a barn,
not inside, where it's warm and clean and
safe. Jesus was born to a couple of homeless
people.
When exactly did we forget that part
of the Christmas story and start thinking
it was about those little blue boxes from
Tiffany's, or something sleek from Sharper
Image, or maybe that special coffeemaker
from Macy's?
When did the right-wingers, who talk
about the holidays being hijacked by the
secularists, forget that Jesus wasn't some
guy crowned in glory but that little homeless baby with his homeless parents, who
could just as easily be living in one of the
tent cities that are rising all across the
country today?
I want people to get back to what the spirit
of the holiday season is about. It's definitely
about giving. But is it about running up the
charge cards or outdoing your partner with
a better-read more extravagant-gift?
-•aav-~>
Task Force I
Host Hotel
My spin on the holiday season is that we
should be giving our friends and family the
present of a gift to someone who doesn't
have anything. You can still help the economy
with your purchase power. And you can
wrap up a note telling your friend or your
family member or your lover what you gave
to someone who needed a gift.
What about toys for those kids who might
I drivearoundwith cat
food in the trunk of
my car for homeless
animals-why wouldn't I
help a homelesshuman?
Premier Marketing Partner
Sur/comberBEA<H(~~~ON
IV\ /"\
MIAMII SOUTHBEACH
not get anyr What about a winter coat for a
woman who can't afford oner What about
buying five or 10 gift cards and giving them
to the residents of a women's shelter? What
about giving a book to every fourth-grader
in an inner-city school? What about adopting a family through one of your local social
service agencies and getting them everything
on their wish list? What about sponsoring
a child for a year through one of the many
reputable international charities?
We consume so much in America. Yet
all across this country there are people with
nothing. This year, you could really change
someone's life for the holidays.
Give the gift of giving. It's the one thing
you can be totally sure you will never want
to exchange later for something else.
(.)
GREYOOOSE:
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December 2011
I 31
In New York City, queer women of color under 24 are at risk
of homelessness. Story and Photos by Samantha Box
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ver M, who
trying to
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in hours
ace.
Since 2005, I have documented members of New York
City's homeless LGBT youth community, basing myself
at Sylvia's Place, a private shelter run by the Metropolitan
Community Church of New York City. Named for Sylvia
Rivera, the heroine of the Stonewall Rebellion, who was
herself homeless as a young person, Sylvia's Place is the
only emergency shelter in N.Y.C. specifically designated
for homeless LGBT youth. With only room for around 30
young people, they are constantly at maximum capacity.
LGBT youth account for close to 50 percent of the
nation's homeless population; in New York City alone, it
is conservatively estimated that 8,000 LGBT young people
are homeless every night. The causes of LGBT youth
homelessness are widespread, and range from coming out
and being kicked out, to the inequalities perpetuated by
growing up in an society which criminalizes individuals
32
I curve
and families of color, and keeps them locked in a cycle of
instability and poverty, and caught in the systems of welfare,
foster care and incarceration. Even without the burden of
a recession, the paths out of homelessness for these young
people are few and far between: societal homophobia and
transphobia prevents access to many homeless services,
keeping these kids on the streets.
The kids that I photograph are incredibly talented
young adults who yearn to be poets, lawyers, filmmakers,
artists, chefs, to have a home and a family and a life of
stability-but
they face a broken system that conspires
to keep them homeless, and demands that they fend for
themselves on the streets.
These are the faces of the homeless in America todaywhen you walk anywhere through the city, you're passing
kids like this.
December 2011 I 33
C visits her mother's grave.
Her mother's death forced C
into the foster care system.
---------------OF
34
I curve
LG~TYCJUTH
ACCOUNT
EORCLOSEID
50 PERCENT
THE
NATICJN'S
HCJMELESS
POPULATICJN.
December 2011 I 35
E in M's apartment,
acquired via a program
for single mothers, which
has since been cut.
36
I curve
EVENWITHOUTTHEBURDEN
OFA RECESSION,
THEPATHS
OUTOF HOMELESSNESS
FOR
-IHESE
YOUNGPEOPLEARE--FEWANDFARBETWEEN.
December 2011
I 37
38
I curve
E, showing her tattoo
illustrating her bond with
her chosen sister, V.
You can help by volunteering your
time or making a donation to:
Sylvia's Place/MCCNY Homeless
Youth Services (mccny.org)
New Alternatives for Homeless
LGBT Youth (newaltemativesnyc.org)
Y(JLJ
(~ANHELP
December 2011
I 39
With the launch of her new jewelry line
Casa Por Vida, The Real L Word star
Romi Klinger proves she's got more to
offer than just steamy sex scenes.
By Rashida Harmon
Evenin glitzy,fashion-obsessed
LosAngeles,
Romi Klinger
stands out. With her piled~on jewelry and expertly dishev~
eled hair, the reality TV star turned jewelry designer's
personal style made her a fan favorite (and frequent object
of infatuation) as a cast member of Showtime's The Real
L Word. From the very first moment viewers caught a
glimpse of the Pasadena native's signature feather earring,
hoards of Romi~lookalikes started cropping up at dyke
bars everywhere. It was then that Klinger knew she was
onto something.
Eager to capitalize on the phenomenon, Klinger has
been hard at work launching her latest collection of acces~
sories for Casa Por Vida, the fashion line she founded this
year as a response to her newfound status as a lesbian style
icon. "People copy me. It's flattering and I hope to put out
a line that lets them have a piece of that;' she says. "But I
hope that people have fun with it and don't take it very
serious because I don't take fashion serious at all:'
Casa Por Vida's debut collection is a continuation of
the work Klinger began when The Real L Word was still
filming. The resulting collection, called Hija Por Vida, was
a collaboration between Klinger, her then~business partner
Vanessa Salazar and Love and Pride, an online LGBT
jewelry distributor. Now working solo, Klinger's new line
is kind of like Hija's more daring sister, with louder state~
ment pieces like copper cuffs lined with rabbit fur and
massive uncut Agate stone rings.
The collection is deeply personal, drawing inspiration
from her Mexican heritage, and 10 percent of all proceeds
go to Corazon, a charity that builds homes in Mexico,
which Klinger sees as her way of giving back to her late
father's side of the family. Candy~colored hacienda tiles
dangle from one of Casa's necklaces, a direct reference to
40
Icurve
the tiles Klinger's father laid down in her house before he
died of cancer in 2007. "It's my therapeutic way of kind of
getting to know that side of me-the Latin side of me and
that culture;' says Klinger. "It's a side of me that I haven't
really gotten to be a part 0£ with my dad not being here
and my mom being white. I felt like it was kind of my way
of keeping in touch with my dad:'
Aside from its cultural significance, the collection serves
as a tangible reminder of how much has changed since
Klinger first appeared in TheRealL Word season one as one
of ladykiller Whitney Mixter's many love interests. She says
her restored work ethic is a direct result of her newfound
sobriety, which she wrestled with throughout the show's
most recent season. Her struggle with alcoholism pushed
her deeper and deeper into a professional and personal
slump, straining both her productivity and her relation~
ship with on~again~off~again girlfriend Kelsey Chavarria.
"It took a good part of my life away from me-not like in
a dramatic way-but it definitely took away the amount of
time that I could have been working on me;' Klinger says.
"So right now, because I'm not hungover, I have the time to
get up and make things happen:'
Klinger credits The Real L Word crew and the constant
presence of cameras as being critical in her realization that
she had a problem. She has no regrets about being a part
of the series and will always be grateful for the profound
effect it had on her. "I think that Showtime will forever be
a blessing in my life, honestly, the whole experience;' she
says. "You can get away with being drunk and blacking out
and just doing those things when no one's watching and
you just have yourself to live with that, but when you have
a camera on you and you're blacking out and you don't
remember conversations or nights-that
was scary to
know that these people are going to see this. I'm not hiding
this from anybody:'
Being thrust into the spotlight during such a challenging
time in her life wasn't easy, particularly when it came to the
heartbreaking collapse of her relationship with Chavarria.
But fans of the show can rest easy knowing that the couple
is back together-for now-and happier than ever.
The pair's notorious "scissoring" scene, much like
Klinger's sex scene with Mixter in the first season, has
gotten the show a lot of attention, not all of it positive.
Some critics have denounced the show as pure pornography,
while others have argued that the show caters exclusively
to straight male viewers. Klinger is quick to respond that
the show's frank portrayal of lesbian sexuality is one
of its strong suits, as it exposes otherwise uninformed
viewers-straight
or not-to
what lesbians actually do
in the bedroom.
"If you take away sex, you take away a lot of the reason
why we're lesbians;' she says. "If you take away all the sex
and just have the emotional shit and all these women crying
and breaking up and dating and that shit, you're losing [the
fact that] we're in love with each other, we're passionate
with each other, we're able to be together:'
Surprisingly, in Klinger's experience, those most critical
of the show have been fellow members of the LGBT
42
Icurve
community, with some saying the show has set lesbians on
television back decades due to its highly sexualized focus.
"They want to put us down like we're setting people back
but we're not;' she says. "We're showing so many people
that we're completely like everybody else. We have sex. We
cry. We are messed up. We can start our own businesses.
We have dreams. I don't understand it. I think I'm proud
of the women that I'm on the show with and I think that
they're all very, very strong and have amazing stories:'
It remains to be seen whether we're going to hear more
of those stories-Showtime
has yet to renew The Real
L Word for a third season, but fans and cast members
remain hopeful. In the meantime, Klinger is busy building
her Casa Por Vida brand, with plans in the works to
expand the line to include men's wear, apparel and even
pet accessories. With her 30th birthday looming, Klinger
is feeling added pressure to plan for her future. "If my
business goes well and I'm able to take care of myself and
live an OK life and have a family of my own, I've made it:'
(casaporvida.com)
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BY EDIE STULL
PHOTOS BY WILLIAMS + HIRAKAWA
December 2011
I 45
t usually takes years to find out everything about
your partner, but for Glee actor Jane Lynch and her wife, Lara
Embry, progress along that learning curve has been almost as
fast-paced as Lynch's skyrocketing career. The couple can thank
Happy Accidents for that.
Lynch, with Embry's help, recently wrote a memoir and named it
for the mileposts in her life that she identifies as "happy accidents."
The book, published by HyperionNoice, hit No. 17 on the New
York Times best seller list in October-the irony of which is not
lost on Lynch.
"It's amazing;' she says. "Who'd have thunk it, after I
flunked my English test at Arthur Andersen when I was
trying to get a job there back in the '80s:'
In Happy Accidents, Lynch tells her life story-from
her childhood in Chicago, through college, grad school
and her early acting career, all the way up her sometimes,
rocky climb to success. The book is funny and honest. The
personal stuff is all in there.
"I just try to tell the truth as best I can ... I dedicate the
book to all those kids who are embarking on their own hero's
journey-who
are courageously answering the call:'
Lynch hopes that young people who read the book
will be comforted by hearing about some of her trials and
tribulations. "I am able to look back and go, 'You know, I
would not have changed a thing in my life, but I would
have changed the quality of how I underwent it: I would
not have suffered over my suffering so much:'
The memoir is just one more achievement in a long list
of successes for the 51,year,old. She has been called one
of the busiest actors in the business, appearing in dozens
of television, film and stage projects, rarely saying no to
any offer. "I would do it as a hobby, if I had to work some,
where else;' she adds.
46
I curve
Thanks to a little TV show called
Glee,hobby acting is probably not
in her future, and she can be more
selective in her projects. Her por,
trayal of the snarky cheerleading
coach Sue Sylvester has given her a
steady gig, an Emmy and a Golden
Globe, and the visibility and popu,
larity she has been working toward for years.
In the book, Lynch is candid about how the route to
her current success was pretty much all uphill. She had
self,image issues, struggled with her sexuality and abused
alcohol. She pulls no punches in her assessment of the
younger, evolving Lynch and has no reservations about
putting her life, faults and all, out there for the whole
world to see.
"I found so much empowerment from pulling the covers
on myself and seeing what's underneath there ... ! don't
have any shame around anything, and it is all stuff that
I've dealt with. I'm not afraid to talk about it:'
Today, she works at managing her anxiety, lives openly
as a lesbian and has not had a drink in 20 years (since
1991). Writing a book was not on her to,do list. "It was
another one of those happy accidents ... ! have done so
many things in my life that I never saw myself doing, that
ended up just being great experiences-this
being one of
them. Just through a series of events I found myself having a
book deal and having three months to write it. My wife
really was my co,writer ... she's the reason this thing is
readable and that it makes sense. I did a lot of stream,of,
consciousness writing, and she made it make sense:'
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Embry admits to having fun with the process. "Most of
the time it was a lot of laughs. I am a psychologist, so I
listen to people's stories-how
they work out how they
got to where they are in life-and I help them make sense
of it. In writing this book, I got to do it with the woman I
love the most. Her stories are funny, and she remembers
fantastic amounts of detail. .. we had a lot of laughs. Every
once in a while it was a little trying because we had not
worked together, so we had to figure that out. But it was
mostly just a fantastic, fun experience where I got to learn
about my wife. It was a crash course in Jane Lynch:'
While Embry knew a lot about Lynch's life already,
she was surprised and moved by some of the stories in
the book, especially Lynch's rejection of her best friend
in high school. "She was so afraid of being gay that she
could not handle his openness-it
was the experience of
internalized homophobia, until you accept yourself. It was
emotionally trying for her and destructive to a friendship
that she cared so much for;' Embry says. Lynch has since
put that relationship back together, she adds.
48
I curve
Lynch and Embry make a great team. In their first year
of marriage, in addition to writing the book, they did a few
other things that have been known to destroy a marriage:
They moved across the country, Embry left her psychology
practice and they renovated a house.
The couple met in San Francisco, at the National Center
for Lesbian Rights 2009 Gala. Lynch, who played attorney
Joyce Wischnia on The L Word, was there to present an
award to Ilene Chaiken, the creator of the show. Embry,
an NCLR client, was at the gala to receive their Justice
Award for her fight to retain shared custody of a former
partner's child. In a previous relationship, Embry and her
domestic partner in Washington State had each given birth
to a child and adopted the non-biological child through
second-parent adoption. When the relationship ended
several years later in Florida, they shared custody of
both children until Embry's ex decided to end all contact
with Embry and separate the children. In May 2009, the
Florida Court of Appeals unanimously reversed a lower
court's ruling and held that Florida must recognize adoptions granted to same-sex couples by other states.
The night of the gala, Embry and Lynch immediately
realized their mutual attraction and began a cross-country
courtship that culminated in their wedding on May 31,
2010, in Massachusetts, a year to the day after they met.
Embry's daughter, Haden, has brought an added dimension, parenthood, to Lynch's life-one that she wasn't sure
she would ever see-and she loves it, although she recognizes
the challenges it creates.
"It is always more difficult to balance when you have to
consider other people. I have a daughter and a wife now, so
I have to think twice about everything and go, 'Now wait a
minute, can I do this:' Should I do this:" I am thinking for
three now and they are too ... a lot has shifted:'
But sharing her success with her new family makes it
even better. "Oh my gosh, yes. We are very aware of how
we are breathing rarified air with our life right now:'
Embry also has had to make some major adjustmentsespecially when she was living in Florida and Lynch was
living in Los Angeles and Glee was just about to change
their lives. "We could see in the first year we were together
that Glee was going to continue to be on the air, so it kind
of made the decision for us that if we were going to live in
the same place I would have to leave Florida;' says Embry.
"Honestly, it has been a great ride ... any problems we have
are champagne problems ... there is nothing to complain
about. I am getting my footing in L.A., figuring out what
I am going to be doing here:'
Since the move, Embry has started rowing with the
California Yacht Club, and has completed her first 545mile AIDS/LifeCycle ride from San Francisco to L.A.
"This was the first time I was on a bicycle for a week at
any point in my life ... I am a rower not a rider and it was
intimidating and challenging, and I am really glad that
I did it:'
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But Lynch's expanding popularity has meant that both
of them are recognized more in public and must deal with
the paparazzi. "That has been different for me;' Embry
says."Because I was a psychologist, my job was to be present
but not be recognized. My private life was very private and
I don't have that anymore, which is odd, but the tradeoff is
that Jane has a great career and we get to have a lot of fun
and eat good food and live a good life:' She has found that
most of the fans they meet in public are very respectful,
and sometimes Lynch is not recognized at all.
Lynch is enjoying the Happy Accidents book tour, despite
some initial concerns. "I thought I'd need to have notes
and it turns out that if I go up there with my newfound
philosophy of just trusting my life, I know exactly what to
say. I know exactly how to answer the questions ... ! have
bared it all, so I am not hiding anything anymore. It has
been a very satisfying experience:'
The tour also has given Lynch more face time with fans.
"On television, you don't get that kind of connection ... !
was at a college and met girls with tears in their eyes who
said they are in the process of coming out and what they
read about my coming out inspired them and made them
feel better. I just said, 'Hang in there, you are doing great:
I am so touched by that:'
She knows she has become a role model, even though
she didn't set out to be. "Especially for gay kids out
there, in places where their sexuality is not embraced
and their orientation is shunned, I hope they get some
succor seeing how I live my life-very openly. I don't
scream and yell about it, but I am not ashamed about it
either. I have a lovely wife and a child and I'm living a
pretty happy existence:'
Even more happiness came Lynch's way when her comedy
idol, Carol Burnett, said she would write the foreword
for Happy Accidents. "It meant the world to me. She was
my first comedy crush. I fantasized about being in that
ensemble-then,
40 years later, to hook up with her where
she plays my mother [on Glee]... I had Easter brunch with
her this year ... she's my friend! And that she agreed to do
this, and she recorded the audio book ... it's outlandish:'
Then, as if things couldn't get better, Lynch scored hosting
duties at the 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards. "I was very
pleased with it;' she says. "I was very nervous. I was very
aware of what a coveted spot this is. I would be lying to
you if I didn't tell you that I wanted it to be spectacular. I
was very proud of the opening number, and after we did
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the live part that night and I didn't take a face plant, I was
like, 'This is great. I'm going to have fun ... I've got funny
jokes to say:"
There is no question that Lynch is riding pretty
high these days, and while "happy accidents" may have
helped her along the way, her success is rooted in years
of hard work. She ends her memoir with a quote from
Carol Brady, whom she played, early in her career, on stage
in Chicago in The Real Live Brady Bunch: "Find what it
is you do best and do your best with it:' Embry had the
quote engraved on a locket that Lynch now wears.
"It's pretty simple-and the work there is finding what
it is you are best at. What feels the best:' What do you
excel at:' Can I do this for the rest of my life:' And then just
go at it and that's all you have to
HIGHLIGHTS FROM
HAPPY ACCIDENTS
"If I couldgo backin time andtalk to my
twenty-year-old
self,the first thingI would
sayis: 'Losethe perm.'SecondlyI wouldsay:
'Relax.Really.Just relax.Don'tsweatit.'"
"I couldnot seemto stopmyselffrom being
sucha bitch.As my momwouldcall it, I was
actinglike 'MadameFullCharge.'"
"I checkedherout.Larawasa brightlight,all
shinyandglowy,andhadthe mostbeautiful
smile... I wasimmediatelysmitten.''
"I can't remembera time whenI wasn't
anxiousandfearfulthatthe paradewouldpass "WhatI foundmostdelightfulwashowmuch
me by... I hada driving,anxiety-filledambition. shelovedHaden... Shebeautifullymirrored
Haden'sbrightlight backto her.''
I wantedto be a workingactorso badly.''
December 2011
I 49
FAMILIES OF
In Waiting in the Wings, Cherrie Moraga's groundbreaking work on queer motherhood,
Moraga writes of her "rigid conviction" that lesbians on the more masculine side of the
spectrum aren't really women; they are "women-lovers, a kind of third sex, and most
definitely not men:' What Moraga was talking about has become known as genderqueer,
an emerging political identifier for gender identities outside of heteronormativity.
In this new gender non-conforming movement, people identify as bi-gender, boigirl,
girlboi, girlfag, guydyke or pansexual, among many others. The lines between gender
identity and sexual orientation are becoming more blurred, but how does this come
into play when someone who identifies as genderqueer decides to become a parent:
so I curve
VALUE
Previously, 31~year~old Grey Sanchez identified as a butch
lesbian, but about two years ago that began to change as
Sanchez started to embrace her masculine identity and the
"genderqueer" label suited her. Sanchez and her partner
Arthi Varma have a young child, Anjali. The couple
has been together for six years and in their family and in
Sancheis extended family, the behavior therapist takes on
a traditionally masculine role, seeing herself as the head of
her household and as the brother to her five siblings.
"Though I am masculine, the genderqueer identifier allows
me to still embrace my femininity, which is important to
me in how I relate to Arthi, our daughter, and my four sis~
ters because as a woman, I understand what they're going
through;' Sanchez says.
Masculine-identified and pregnant?
In Los Angeles, genderqueer parenting
is gaining support. By Tina Vasquez
Growing up, Sanchez never questioned whether or not
she would have children and when she met Varma, just
three days after moving to L.A. from the San Francisco
Bay Area, love quickly developed. In 2009 the pair decided
to start the process for having a baby, eventually deciding
on an open donor. Coming from a traditional, Mexican
Catholic family added another layer of complication to
Sanchez's identity. Though it's common knowledge that
Anjali calls her "papi;' getting into the specifics with her
family about what it means to be genderqueer is too compli~
cated. "I do feel like family members have questions and
may not fully understand my masculine orientation, but
they support and respect me as I am and are very accepting
and loving of Arthi and Anjali;' Sanchez says.
December 2011
I 51
Even in Los Angeles, Sanchez encounters less than tolerant attitudes. Recently at a party, a woman asked Sanchez
if she was Anjali's mother. When Sanchez responded that
she identified as Anjali's father, the woman said, "Yeah,
yeah-but you're her mom, right:"' For many, taking gender
identity into account when it comes to families is too much
to ask.
"People are just getting used to the two moms or two
dads paradigm, so bringing gender identity into the mix is
going to take a long time for some to get used to;' Sanchez
says. "I didn't have any reservations about having a child,
but as Anjali gets older I think about what she'll have to
face. Regardless of how the outside world sees our family,
we can still give love and if the base of your family is love,
then your family is strong. When she gets older, we'll
explain that we are just one of many family types:'
Daddy's girl: Sanchez and Anjali
get in some quality playtime
52
I curve
Like many couples, Sanchez and Varma sought out
a like-minded community in the Los Angeles area that
understood their family, but what they encountered was
less than inspiring. LGBT family groups contained fewif any-people of color and all assumed a two moms/ two
dads approach that Sanchez and Varma could not relate
to. It was particularly important to Sanchez that Anjali
encountered other same-sex couples that celebrate Mother's
Day and Father's Day.
"Though we have the same values as any other family, it's
important to us that Anjali knows that gender is not a binary
identity and sexuality is a spectrum, and we want her to see
how that plays out in families outside of our own:'
While Varma was still pregnant, she and Sanchez attended
Butch Voices, an Oakland, Cali£-based conference for all
who self-identify as masculine of center. There they met
Jane Ward and as Sanchez puts it, "it felt like fate:'
Along with her genderqueer-identified partner Kat
Ross, Ward is founder of L.A. Genderqueer Parenting, a
small but powerful community for genderqueer parents
or genderqueer individuals who are considering children.
Ward, who identifies as "genderqueer desiring," had absolutely no interest in having children-until
she met Ross
while performing in a queer burlesque group.
''As a women's studies professor I knew enough about
heteronormativity to know that it would impact a child
or a family if I chose to go that route, but that's not the
reason I decided to hold off;' Ward said. "I had feminist
concerns; I didn't see childbirth as the pinnacle of womanhood and I definitely didn't identify with all of the
new age-y goddess rhetoric about being a mother. From
a queer place, I'm not into the gay baby boom, but when
I met Kat everything sort of fell into place. I was finally
with someone who was genderqueer, mature and reliable,
so once we decided to have a baby I became excited about
having a gender-free family:'
After five years together, Ward gave birth to their son
Yarrow and the couple made a conscious decision to minimize the relevance of gender in his life. According to Ward,
having gender be an option for Yarrow allows him to cultivate his own unique identity. Ward and Ross put as many
girl objects in his path as they do boy objects and they let
Yarrow gravitate toward whatever feels natural to him,
whether it's toy cars or pink sparkly shoes, both of which
he has and loves.
Like Sanchez, it took having a child to make Ward aware
of how dismal the offerings were for genderqueer parents
in supposedly progressive Southern California. It was also
shocking how many gay and lesbian parents were raising
gender normative children.
"Genderqueer is a new generational movement, so L.A.
Genderqueer Parenting has the potential to help a lot of
people navigate the murky waters of what it means to be a
genderqueer parent. With lesbian mothers, there's always a
mom and mommy or mom and mama. There's also a birth
0
ai
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a:
a:
0
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a:
mother and 'other mother: None of that was desirable to
Kat and I because it seems like one has supremacy over the
other; there shouldn't be a second tier mother;' Ward says.
"In this particular regard, straight people have it made; there
are two distinct people with parental authority. As a society,
we recognize that femaleness and maleness don't dictate
occupation, so why should it dictate parental roles? For us,
it just made sense to associate the mom and dad titles with
our gender identities, which is why Kat is a dyke dad:'
L.A. Genderqueer Parenting meets for family picnics and
on evenings where adult members talk about everything
from midwives and doulas to being masculine,identified
and pregnant; the group has created a safe space for gender,
queer parents to openly discuss issues surrounding family.
What Ward, 37, did not anticipate was having teenagers
and twenty,somethings, many of whom do not have chil,
dren, join or reach out to her via the group's Facebook page.
A young transman even brought his girlfriend and parents
to a recent picnic-and if you are born female and identify
as a dad, chances are you need support.
"Queer parents are very different than gay parents;' says
Ward. "Whereas gay parents say,'Hey neighbors, we're just
like you; queer parents are not following the script in that
way. It's about more than saying you'd be OK with your kid
if they were gay. It is about actively cultivating your child's
queerness and being excited by the prospect that they may
add something new and totally unfamiliar to your family. It
doesn't matter how you identify-gay, straight, lesbianyou don't have to be queer or genderqueer in order to create
the opportunity for your child to explore
GENDERQUEER PARENTS AND THE LAW
As staff attorneyat the National
Centerfor LesbianRights(NCLR),
CathySakimuraalsoserves
as the directorof the Family
Protection
Project,whichimproves
accessto familylaw servicesfor
low-incomesame-sexfamilies,
with a focusonfamiliesof
color.Sakimuraalsosits onthe
boardof directorsfor COLAGE,
a
nationalmovementof children,
youth,andadultswith oneor
moreLGBTparents.According
to Sakimura,herearethe things
LGBTindividualsshouldknow
beforestartinga family:
Overthe lastthreedecades,
courtsin nearlyeverystatehave
recognized
that a parentcannot
losecustodyjust becauseof their
sexualorientation.
no lawsregardingspermdonors
or onlyhavelawsthat apply
to marriedwomen-in these
states,a spermdonorcouldbe
treatedat a legalparentunless
Marriedtransgenderparentswho a courtterminateshis rights.An
A secondparentadoptionallows
havea childwith a different-sex agreementwith a spermdonor
a non-biological
parentto adopt
spouseshouldbe recognized
as a by itselfdoesnot guarantee
that
withoutcuttingoff the rightsof a
parentin moststates.
the donorwon't bea parentbiologicalparent.In manystates,
youalsoneedto makesureyou
anycouplecanadopta child
Regardless
of whereyoulive,it's
followthe lawsin yourstate.
together.
importantfor all non-biological
Writtenagreements
with sperm
parentsto getan adoptionor
donorsareveryimportantand
Forparentswhohavenotadopted, othercourtjudgmentrecognizing shouldalwaysbesignedbefore
manystatesalsorecognizethat
theirparentage
if possible,
even
youbegininseminating.
the non-biological
parentcanstill if theythinktheyshouldbeautoseekcustodyor visitationif the
maticallyrecognized
as a parent. Tofind out aboutlawsin your
couplebreaksup.
state,checkout NCLR'spublicaStateshaveverydifferentlaws
tion LegalRecognition
of LGBT
Forsame-sexcoupleswhohave
aboutspermdonors.Somesay
Families,at nclrights.org.
Jointhe
childrenwhiletheyaremarried,
a spermdonoris nota parent
L.A.Genderqueer
Parentinggroup
in a civil union,or in a compreandhasno rights,othershave
on Facebook.
Fewercaseshaveaddressed
transgenderparentsin custody
cases,butthe samereasoning
fromthe casesinvolvingLGB
parentsapplies.
hensivedomesticpartnership
that is recognized
bytheir home
state,bothparentscanbe recognizedautomatically.
December 2011
I 53
FuManchuFinery
Whaturbangal canresist
an ironicallymustachioed
accessory?
Forwhisker
chic,lookno furtherthan
PipRobbinshandmade
scarfs,whichfeature
a hand-cutleather
mustacheon greycotton.
Alsoavailablein vegan
materials.($34,
piprobins.etsy.com)
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3
4
5
StartTelephoning
Me
We'restill gagaover
Gaga,heramazingmusic
andhardcorestandfor
queerrights.Showyour
approvalandmakea
statementeachdaywith
the iPhone4 casefrom
the LadyGagaMobile
Collection.Staytrue,
LittleMonsters!($30,
luxmobilegroup.com)
Don'tStopTheMusic
Keepin'it old schoolwith
yourmusicon vinyl?The
daysof storingyour
collectionin milk crates
areover.Displayyour
favesin quick-release
frames,whichmakesfor
easyaccesswhenit's
time to rockout.($62,
artvinyl.com)
NicelyFramed
Nerdychic is hot.Look
to WarbyParker's
boutique-style
framesto
getyourRachelMaddow
on withoutbreakingthe
bank.Plus,their buy-apair,give-a-pairprogram
makesthis purchasea
no-brainer.
Theyhave
monoclestoo! ($95,
warbyparker.com)
ListenHere
Ober-hipheadphones
in an arrayof designer
rainbowcolorsis music
to our ears-mustard,
raspberryandindigo.
($35,urbanears.com)
ReadyToRumble
Associateeditorandi.iber-busy
ladyJillian
Eugenios
combinesher loveof nostalgiawith
the form-meets-function
Rumbaslapwatch.
Whohastime to fastena watchwhenyou're
thinkingup waysto takeoverthe worldwith
yourfavoritecrewof lesbians?
($25,rumbatime.com)
6
You-a-Thon
Measureyourhealth
andyourheartratewith
the MyTrakM2Personal
SmartCoach.It's like
havinga personaltrainer
in yourpocket.Setyour
goal,clip it on andgo.
($100,mytrak.com)
December 2011
I 55
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SafetyFirst
If thereis oneitemthat belongs
undereverylovedone'stree
it's the SafetyStick.Featuresa
flashlight,flashingLEDstrobe
light,seatbelt cutterandsteelpointedhammer(designedto
turn anycar windowintoan
emergencyexit).Hittingthe
roadhasneverbeensafer.
($25,safetybright.com)
MaximumHeadroom
BadBois
Tiredof sunglasses
that are
There'sreallyno needto shopin
too small,too girlieanddon't
the men'ssection.Embraceyour
standup to the greatoutdoors? innertomboyeverydaywith Boi
Fatheadzeyewearpresents
Apparel'stanks,topsandtees.
fashionable,
wide-frame,no-fuss ($15andup,boiapparel.com)
shadesfor big girls.($29andup,
fatheadz.com)
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12
13
TheseBootsAreMade
Whyruina the lineof your
favoritebootlegjeanswith a
rubberbandaroundthe ankle
or by pullingyoursocksup over
them?Thereis a moreelegant
wayto keepyourjeansin your
bootswith BootlegzCuffIt.
($20,bootlegz.net)
PowerDyke
Jumpstartyourvehicle,power
up smallappliancesandfill flat
tires with the CobraElectronics
CJIC250Jumpstarter/
Powerpack.
It just isn't your
styleto getstrandedanywhere.
($90,cobra.com)
SnuggleUp
Notmanysleepingbagsareso
sturdyandultralightthat they
canpackintoa wadsmaller
thanyourdownjacket.Perfect
for lightcamping,alpineclimbs
or summerroadtrips with your
girl. ($219,marmot.com)
BuckleUp
What'sthe keyto yourdapperdyke'sheart?A hot
accessory.
ForcolumnistKathyBeige(akaDipstick)
it doesn'tgetmuchhotterthana fiercebeltbuckle
liketheonesfromPrincessandButch.Ourpick:
theirHulabuckle.($40,princessandbutch.com)
56lcurve
LuggingMy Lap In Luxury
ColumnistGinaDaggett(aka
Lipstick)suggestsyoucarry
youriWorldaroundin stylethis
Christmasin Matt+ Nat'sRituallaptop
bag.Madewith 100percentrecycled
greyfauxsuedeliningthe bagfeatures
lots of pocketsto holdall your
iObsessions.
($180,mattandnat.com)
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17
Hello,Pretty
Domestic
Diva
Nomoredesperatehouse- Wantto showyourlove
of HelloKittyin a subtle,
wife! Getinto the kitchen
sophisticatedway?This
with theseglamourgirl,
sterlingsilver ringtops
vintage-inspiredaprons
(with matchingpot holdthe cute cat's trademark
bowwith a singledazzling
ers).Perfectfor holiday
or everydayentertaining,
zirconia.It's the perfect
wayto showyour love
wear nothingunderneath
for extrasauce!($32,
for the iconicfeline.
carolynskitchenonline.com) ($85,sanrio.com)
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19
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21
Dr.Lippy
Thedaysof scrapingthe
bottomof yourfavorite
tube of lipstickare over.
Mix and makeyourown
lipstickor repairbroken
tubeswith the easy,super
fun LipstixRemixsystem.
RachelRaylovesitand
we think youwill, too.
($20,lipstixremix.com)
L WordEssence
Wearthe sophisticated
fragranceof yourfavorite
lesbianTVserieswith the
elegantL Wordperfume,
developedby FredSegal.
Greenvioletleafpaired
with sandalwood
andmusk
makefor a scentthat is
passionate
andpowerful.
($75,loveandpride.com)
TheSwitchShift
Runningto the gym,the
officeandthenthe party,
with a differentbagfor
eachstop?Don'tlet what's
importantget lost in the
hustle.Changebagseasily
with the Coreorganizer.
Andnexttime a cute girl
asksfor yournumber,
findinga penwon't be a
problem.($200andup,
inouis.com)
UrbanRainbow
Lookingfor glitz andglamourthis holiday?Lookno
furtherfor sheercosmetic
wondermentthan Urban
Decay.Newthis yearis
their show-stopping24/7
travel-sizeset of Glide-On
Eyepencils-availablein
ElectricandNaked-and
lusciousStardustSparkling
lip gloss.Ourpick,
Andromedafor a pucker
that pops.($19andup,
urbandecay.com)
December 2011
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HomoHotPants
Doesit get anyhotterthanyour
womanin boyshorts?Thisyear,
giveyourtitillatingtomboythe gift
of Boqariseamlessunderwearand
tanktops.Madefrom an ultra-soft
andbodyhuggingnylonblend,
theseuniquechoniesareas cozy
as theyaresexy.Don'tworry,we
won'ttell herit's secretlya gift for
you,too.($40,boqari.com)
FlowerPower
TheCallawaterproof
silicone
vibratoris prettyandperfectfor
internalandexternalstimulation. Fivespeeds,threepulsation
patterns(anda turbobutton!)plus
its ergonomically-designed
loop
handleguarantees
a greatride.
Rechargeable,
waterproof,ecofriendly.($108,goodvibes.com)
You'reMy Heroine
Don'tseeyourselfor the objectof
yourdesiresin lesbianerotica?No
problem.Putyouandyourgirl (or
fantasylover)intothe storywith
thesepersonalized
sexynarratives.
Yourdetailsfeatureon everypage,
makingit the ultimatebedtime
read.($40,ustarnovels.com)
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FancyPants
Bustoutthoseinheriteddiamonds
becausethe CrystalBlueMinx
harnessis just what it sounds
like-the harnessyoumightwear
whilerollingaroundon faux-fur,
fireside,with a celesbian.Adding
instantglam,the corset-tiedback
panelhasthe versatilityto fit
30"-60" hipsandis sureto inspire
morethanjust a kissunderthe
mistletoe.($175,aslanleather.com)
RaiseHerTemperature
Staveoff bedroomboredomwith
someadultadornmentsandgames
fromAthena'sHomeNovelties.
Lover'sScrolls,NippleGems
andLovePokerareperfectfor
youandyourpartnerto warmup
the weatherinside.($10 andup,
athenashn.com)
GiveHerthe Finger
Twois producedby lesbian-owned,
Paris-based
companyWetForHer.
Thisnon-phallic,body-safesex
toy will giveyoua wholeother
perspectiveon penetration.
Andit's alsosuper-affordable.
($39,wetforher.us)
SensationRevelation
Contributing
writerYanaTallon-Hicks
suggestsyoucoaxyour
girl intothe bedroomwith LELO'snewSenseMotion
remotecontrolledvibrator,Lyla.LELOhasshakenup the egg-vibeby
addingtheir signature,sophisticated
waterproofrechargeability
to the samemotion-sensing
technologyfoundin a Wii
controller,so,howeveryouspinit, Lyla'ssureto sendshivers.
($139,en.lelo.com)
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Baby,It's ColdOutsideGift Set
HailingfromDownUnder,Editorin chief
MerrynJohnsis still shyof the cold.
Whatbetterwayto warmupthanwith
thesebathtimegoodies.TheJiltedElf
showerjelly is bestusedfrozenfor
a stimulatingdownpour;thenscrub
yourskinsexywith theAustralianIgloo
SugarScrub'srefreshingSiberianpine,
Australianeucalyptusandsandalwood
oils packedintoveganFairTradesugar;
finishwith the Dirty
Springwash
shower
gel.($37,lush.com)
BathTimeBombshell
Sincenothinggoesbetterwith a hot
baththana lesbiankiss,why nottreat
someonespecialto one-we mean
Antoinette'sBathHouseLesbianKiss
BathBomb.Thiseffervescent
treat is
sensoryheavenwith a blissfulblending
of fragrancesthat includeginger,
sandalwood,
freesiaandbloodorange.
($4,AntoinettesBathHouse.etsy.com)
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YouLightUpMy Life
Theseinnovative,elegant,Asianinfluencedoutdoorlights are solar
powered,givingyou romanticand
ambientlightingin youroutdoor
livingspacewhile savingyou money
on your electricbills, andsaving
the environment.($20andup,
sojilanterns)
32
LifeSoap
Cornr>ony
Love
30
Amor-a-Therapy
Turnyourhomeintoa luxurioussmellinghavenwith theseopulent
andaromaticair essences,
candles
andbathbarsfromAgraria.The
season'snewtantalizingfragrance
is CedarRose.($20andup,
agrariahome.com)
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CleantheWorld
Makea differencewith LifeSoap's"Box
of Joy" hypoallergenic,
moisturizing
organicsoapin threebeautifulscents:
Peace,LoveandSol.LifeSoapreturns
90 percentof its profitsto cleanwater
projectsin the developing
world.Save
yourskinandsavelives.($20,
Iifesoapcompany
.com)
wwwl
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34
TheScentof Love
Bridgewater
CandleCompany
givesyou
Christmas
with a conscience.
Among
their manybeautifulvotivecandles
is Frankie'sCandle,scentedwith the
perfumeof Frankie'smotherwhodied
in the Haitiearthquake.
Netproceeds
goto feeda childfor oneweek.($20,
bridgewatercandles.com)
NearlyNaked
GoodCleanLoveorganicpersonal
lubricants,aphrodisiacloveoilsand
ediblebodycandiesenhanceyourlove
life naturally.Thelubricantsare100
percentvegan,paraben,glycerinand
petrochemical
free.Plus,they're100
percentedibleandcruelty-free,
too.
($10 andup,goodcleanlove.com)
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December 2011
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BabyMamaAlert
Neverworryaboutyour
baby'ssafetyagainwiththis
portable,
wirelessbabymonitor.
Expandable
for upto four cameras,the LorexLiveSnapbaby
monitormeansyoucankeep
aneyeonthelittleonenomatter
whereyouare in the house.
($199,lorextechnology.com)
ThePinkPrince
GossipmavenPerezHilton
findshis humanitywith this
critically-acclaimed
children's
bookthat hasLadyGaga
raving:"I wish,whenI was
young,I hada bookastouching andbeautifulasthis to
teachmeaboutthejourney
of self-acceptance."
($18,
us.penguingroup.com)
TheFamilyFund
Whosaysyoucan't dreambig in this economy?
Followyourdreamsonepennyat a time with
Uncommon
Goods'DreamBank.ForPublisher
SilkeBader,it's a fun wayfor herwholefamily
to get in on the excitementof workingtoward
a familygoal.Whetherit's a vacationor new
tandembike,put a photoof yourgoalin the
frameto remindyouwhatyou'reworkingtoward
with pocketchange.($25,uncommongoods.com)
60
Icurve
Onthis:spacial°"4sfon, fflru Is nota u-owd
It'sa Family
Congratulations
onyourAdoption!
40
38
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HappilyEverAfter
MyFamilycoloringandstory
booksarewrittenandcreatedby
marriedlesbianpowercouple,
MonicaandCherilBey-Clarke
to
promotefamiliesof diversity.
Entertaining,
enlightening
and essentialfor your child's
bedtimestories.(From$3,
myfamilyproducts.net)
Runto Win
In a perfectworld,treadmills
wouldpoweryourkid'sTVand
computer.
Untilthen,getthem
awayfromthetubeandout into
the worldwith thesecute,easyto-usepedometers.
Theycan
registeronlineto syncuptheir
pedometer
sothatthe morethey
walk,the moreprizestheyget.
Win,win. ($20,geopalz.com)
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41
Sayit WithTeazled
Teazledis a unique,newonline
LGBTgreetingcardcompany
startedbytwo femalenurses,both
namedDina,who havebeenin a
lovingmarriagefor sevenyearsand
raisefour childrentogether(read
our interviewwith the duoon page
11)."It's a Family"cardis perfect
for the holidays.($4,teazled.com)
SmallWonder
You'renevertoo youngto feel
like a superhero!ThinkGeekhas
the goodsto haveyourlittle one
showingoff their JusticeLeague
alter-ego.Ourpick,WonderWoman
for yourfuturecrime-fighting
AmazonPrincessin-the-making.
($19,thinkgeek.com)
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KnottyPets
Fora true animallover,nothing
is moreheart-warming
thantheir
fur-baby'sface.Sowhy not have
it immortalizedin oneof artist
AmyTurner's(alsoknownas
half of hilariouslesbiancomedy
duoThat'sWhatSheSaid)
stunningwoodgrainportraits.
(amyturnerstudio.etsy.com)
Belleof the Ball
Modern,stylishandcozy,the
BallBedis greatwayto treat
yourfurriestof felinefriendsto
a snugglynookworthyof their
unquestionably
elevatedstatus.
($125,mycatsheaven.com)
KittyCalendar
This12-dayadventcalendar
from Petcois jam-packedwith
cuteholiday-themed
catniptoys
to enticeyourkitty to play.($20,
petco.com)
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PoochSmooch
Lip balmfor doggies?Estimates
suggestthat over35 percent
of dogssufferfrom dry snouts.
Keepyour poochproperly
hydratedthis winter with
Snoutstikpet lip balm.
($4,opieanddixie.com)
FurryFinds
Babyyourpetwith Sleepypod's
line of warmers,beddingand
ultraplushpetaccessories
that
will meannothingbut sweet
dreamsfor yourpreciouspal.
($29,sleepypod.com)
RestYourPaws
It isn't just humanswho needa
spaday.Giveyourpetsomething
specialwith a mudmasktreatmentmadewith mudsourced
fromthe DeadSea.Don'tforget
to endwith a big,fluffy white
towelanda goodpawrub.
($20,hampinaturalpetspa.com)
Prettyin Punk
Whatdo yougetthe dogthat has
everything?Editorialassistant
RashidaHarmonrecommends
the BlingSkullBarrettefrom
Sugarbear'sPampered
Pets
BoutiqueandBakery.Sparklier
thana Christmasornament,the
Swarovskicrystal-studded
barrette
is a perfectadditionto Harmon's
spoiledpoochGypsy'sstocking.
($13,sugarbearspamperedpets.com)
December 2011
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DiabolicalDecolletage
Giveyourgorgeousgeeksome
edgypin-upgirl glitzwith Too
Fast'sSugarSkullNecklace.
Thisoversizeddazzleris sure
to put a twinklein hereye
with its rhinestoneencrusted
eyesandroses.($24,
toofastonline.com)
Strapped
forTime
Unisexandoh-so-sexy,
4mLeather'swatchesarea
uniquesolutionfor the watch
andleatherloverson yourlist.
Thiswoman-owned
design
housemarriestraditionwith
innovationto makegorgeous
timepiecesguaranteed
to
wow.($65,4mLeatherDesign.
etsy.com)
StarWares
Letyourgeekflag fly from
headto toe with customStar
Wars-themed
hand-painted
heelsby LGBT-friendly
artist
JilliannSilva.Thesebeautifully
detailedkicksarebotha
stunningworkof art andthe
heightof geekchic.($275,
eastbaycalifornia.etsy
.com)
Domestic
Droid
WhileR2-D2is still in a galaxy
far,far away,Roomba
is here
andreadyto takeyourcleaning
routineintothefuture.Their
latestandgreatestmodel,the
Roomba
780,nowfeaturesa
stateof thearttouchpad,
automaticcleaningschedule
andDirtDetectSeries2 which
helpstherobotperformconcentratedcleaningwhereyouneed
it most.($600,irobot.com)
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OutlawOohLaLa
If thereis onethingall geeky
dykescanagreeon,it's that
the ladiesof Fireflyare most
wanted.Nowhigh-flying
adventurehasgonehighart
with theseArt Nouveau-styled
postersof ourfavoritespace
outlawheroinesby artist
MeganLara.Tryto resist
buyingthemall, we dareyou.
($30,qmxonline.com)
KawaiiCase
Basedon the lovable
characterfrom Miazaki's
masterpieceMy Neighbor
Totoro,this adorable
handmadeiPadcaseis the
perfectgift for the Japanophileon yourlist. ($30,
rabbitsmile.etsy.com)
BearNecessity
ForresidentgeekandmanagingeditorRachelShatto,the Playful
PandaHoodfrom Bang,Bang,Crashwas impossibleto resist.
Plush,cozyandcompletewith adorableheart-shaped
nose,
it's just the accessoryneededto addsomeplayfulnessinto
the wardrobeof anygalwho isn't afraidto nottake herself
too seriously.($45,bangbangcrash.etsy.com)
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A SureBette
Whenit comesto songs,sass,
andmoreshowgirlsthanyou
canshakea stick at, there's
no onebetterthanBette!Bette
Mid/er:TheShowgirlMustGo
Oncapturesthe magicof her
liveLasVegasshow.($15)
BuddhaDoodles
AccessyourinnerZenwith the
BuddhaBoard.Simplypaint
the surfacewith waterand
yourcreationcomesto life in
a bolddesign.Asthe water
evaporates,
yourart magically
disappearsleavingyouwith a
cleanslateanda clearmind.
($33,buddhaboard.com)
59
60
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62
RetroRockStar
Forchildrenof the '80s no
cartoonwas moretruly outrageousthanthe adventuresof
JemandHolograms.
Nowfor
the first time all glamourand
glitter,fashionandfameof this
nostalgicallyfantasticseries
is availabletogetherin this
11-disccollectorseditionDVD
set. ($60,shoutfactory.com)
StringTheory
Thenextevolutionof the
musicgame,Rocksmith,
blows
previous"guitar"gamesout
of the waterby beinga music
gamethat literallyusesan
electricguitar.Perfectfor
inexperienced
andaccomplishedguitarplayersalike.
($80,gamestop.com)
PocketParamour
Possiblythe mostunusual
appoutthere,the MiniGay
Girlfriendallowsyouto pick
a digitalloverfrom ninecute
girlfriendsandamuseyourself
with gamesandanimationson
the couchor yourwayto work.
($1.20,minigaygirlfriend.com)
TheWholeShebang
ThewatershedL Wordseries
is an undeniablemodern
lesbianclassicandnow
youcanownall the drama,
romanceandsteamylove
scenesin oneultimateDVD
collection.Featuringall six
dykedrama-filledseasonsand
exclusiveextras,no lesbian's
DVDlibraryis complete
withoutit. ($180,sho.com)
Readout: fullreview-of
Rocksmitli
at curvemag.com
SapphicCelluloid
EditorialassistantEmelina
Minerosuggeststhis holiday
seasonyoucurl up with the Big
LesbianLoveCollector'sset.
Thislezziemust-haveDVDset
includesfour lesbianmovies
guaranteed
to be hotterthan
yourcocoa:MyNormal,/tty Bitty
TittyCommittee,
TheFour-Faced
LiarandAndThenCameLola.
($30,wolfevideo.com)
December 2011
I63
64
65
AbsolutOutrageous
Nopartyis completewithouta bottleof
Absolutor Absolut-inspired
cocktailto
makeyourguestsmerry.Trythis new
tastesensationmixedto markAbsolut's
30thyearof supportingourcommunity:
Chill,Baby
Neverdiluteyourfavoritespiritwith
meltingice again.Theultimatewayto
makea drink"on the rocks,"SkyBar
chill cubesarewashable,
stainlesssteel
cubesthat canbestoredin yourfreezer.
($40,skybarhome.com)
1/2 oz AbsolutMandrin
1/2 oz AbsolutCitron
3 oz Sprite
Splashof Cranberry
Squeezeof a lime wedge
Garnishwith a lime wedge
(absolut.com)
Eajoy!
68
68
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TastyTapas
PlayMediterranean
hostwith
a tapasthemedpartyandthis
gorgeous,handmadestoneware
set featuringa trayandfour
matchingbowls,guaranteed
to
impressgourmetguests.($84,
GlazedOver.etsy.com)
LesbianLibations
I'm SoHappyIt's HappyHour
servesup recipeideasfor sinfully deliciouscocktailsbyAnne
Taintor.Hervintage-inspired
personalhipflasksalsomean
you'llstayadequately
lubricated,
partyto party.($15andup,
annetaintor.com)
69
MargaritaMistress
PartyBomb
Serveupto 48 different8oz.pourcocktails Blowtheir mindswith this cheekysake
(15optionsperliquortype)with this
bombdecanter.Fourglassesrestonthe
countertopdrinkswizard.Getthis party
spikes-when not beingputto good
started!($300,margaritavillecargo.com) drinkinguse,andthe top spikedoubles
as a spout.($70,uncommongoods.com)
SingForYourSupper
Art directorStefanieLiangthinks
everyone'sa star.Beltout yourfavorite
Benatarballadin the comfortof
yourownhomewith the MagicSing
KaraokeSystem.Justplugit in to your
TVandwatchyourbackupsingersfall
into place.Twomiesmakefor a daring
duet.($349,magicsingkaraoke.net)
GAL'S
GOTTA
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!GAL'S
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TwoToTango
A CharmedLife
Keepher heartunderlock
Lookingfor somethingto
andkeywith thesetwists on
do with yourpartnerthat
the traditionalheartlocket
is guaranteed
to getyour
andkeypendant.Madeby
heartsracing?Howabouta
handfromsterlingsilver,
little friendlycompetition?It
the pair is an understated
doesn'tget morefun,chalyet powerfultokenof
lengingandbooty-shaking
everlastingaffection.($64,
thana DanceCentral2 dance
WinterberryJewelry.etsy.com)off. Nowcompletewith VS.
modethis sequelto last
year'ssmashhit is the most
fun you'll havewith your
girl-outside the bedroom.
($50,gamestop.com)
CowgirlUp
Uncommon
Good'sduo
of sassywesterncoffee
cups,featuringphotosof
pioneeringwomenand
notablequotes,arethe
perfectgift for gift for any
coupledgal on yourlist,
andher(howdy)partner.
($22,uncommongoods.com)
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SuperSizeMe
A bookfor all genders,
sizesandsexualorientations,Big BigLove:Sex
andRelationships
Guide
for Peopleof Sizeby Hanne
Blankis a guidewith sexy
illustrationson howto get
the mostout of loveandsex
with a plus-sizedpartner.
($16,atomicbooks.com)
SweetDreams
Theperfectweddinggift
for you andyour brideto
remindyou of your lovefor
eachothereveryday.
Hers& Herspillowcases
madeof 100 percentsoft,
300 count FairTrade
cotton.Beddownblissfully.
($44,loveandpride.com)
Therapistin a Box
Getto knowyour partner
betterwith the Do-ItYourselfTherapyCube.
Playfulquestionsinclude:
Whatbehaviorof yoursdo
youblameyourmotherfor?
Whowouldit makeyou
happyto cut ties with?(How
aboutthe exfor starters?)
($25,tabletopics.com)
WhoKneadsMistletoe?
EditorialassistantRosannaRios
Spicersuggestsyouforgetthe
traditionalfireplaceandhotapple
ciderthis holidayandwarmup
with a muchmoretemptingtreat.
JimmyJane'sKneadMeMassage
GiftSetincludesanall natural,
paraben-free
massageoil candle
that meltsto bodytemperature
andan awardwinningceramic
massagestonethat youcan
heatup or cooldownfor extra
stimulation.($45,jimmyjane.com)
December 2011
I65
/// TRAVEL
ZEXPOSURE
cc
w
I
FORA PERFECTBLEND
OF NATUREAND CULTURE,
NOTHINGBEATSA VACATION
IN NORTHERNVERMONT
BY CONSTANCE PARTEN
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0
z
Irene was lashing southern Vermont,
tes and byways, historic houses and
orthern Vermont was spared, and late
tiful, tranquil weather in Burlington-a
·naugural cultural feast called Northern
lington is the largest city in Vermont
e to the U.S.-Canadian border that its
streets echo with French accents, making it
e spot for a queer cultural event. Organized by the
T community and the Vermont Gay Tourism
Association, Northern Decadence (northerndecadence.
com) took place over a September weekend, with locals
and visitors alike basking in the temperate early autumn
weather on the shores of Lake Champlain and getting
to know one another at a luscious lineup of events
that included a culinary cruise, a food festival and an
art show; a lesbian-run yoga retreat and bike ride with
Singletrack Mindfulness; an underwear fashion show
and a gay dance party. The weekend was a showcase for
the region-already
famous for its storybook scenery,
66
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spectacular sunsets and startling moonrises, it is perhaps
less well-known for its vibrant, thoughtful and welcoming
queer community. The weekend produced a feast of
conversation, as everyone relaxed and sampled the very
best of what's local: cheese, chocolate, coffee, tea and a
vast assortment of artisanal offerings-everything
from
locally brewed beer to Ben & Jerry's latest concoction.
Next year, if you want to stay lakeside, with pointblank views of a breathtaking body of water framed
by a receding chiaroscuro of hills and mountains, the
Courtyard Marriott Burlington Harbor has everything
you need. Perfectly situated between the lake shore
( the best spot for sipping Grand Mimosas at sundown)
bustling Burlington Town Center and the Church Street
Marketplace, this is a very comfortable base from which
to explore the area. Or, in keeping with the culinary
and cultural theme, try the Essex, Vermont's Culinary
Resort and Spa (vtculinaryresort.com). It's a sprawling
New England-style resort with ample amenities (from
tennis courts to organic garden beds) and top-notch
nosh (Amuse has a seasonal menu and chef's table
that features local produce). If you'd like to stay gay,
the gay-owned and operated Moose Meadow Lodge
(moosemeadowlodge.com) is a stately, quintessentially
Vermont log home situated on 86 secluded acres.
But for our money, the true pride of Burlington
(perhaps we're biased) is lesbian chef Donnell Collins
and her fine restaurant, Leunig's Bistro & Cafe. "It's the
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PEOPLETELL ME I HAVE
TRANSPORTEDTHEM TO
FRANCEFORTWO HOURS
WHILETHEYATEGREAT
FOOD,AND I LOVETHAT"
best place to people watch in Burlington, according to
[Vermont novelist] Chris Bohjalian in Trans-Sister
Radio;' says Collins. "With the open-air seating, and
being on Church Street, with the hustle and bustle of
the largest smallest city in Vermont happening right
before you-including
street performers-you
really
feel at the core of Burlington:' Cozily ensconced here
for the past 11 years with her partner, Amy, and now
with their baby daughter, Sage, Collins has transformed the beloved local French eatery into a restaurant
of distinction where the authenticity of her oysters,
pate, steak frites and other Gallic mainstays would be
hard to beat, even in Paris. "I always have people tell
me I have transported them to France for two hours
while they ate great food, and I love that:'
Collins is dedicated to keeping the restaurant
upscale, fresh, and vital, and even expanding it to cater
to events such as civil unions and lesbian wedding
receptions."We also plan on helping the communitygay, straight, black, white, old and young-with fundraising events;' says Collins, who describes locals as
"funky, eclectic, tolerant and independent thinkers
with a passion for life-a simple
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DONNELL COLLINS: MY BURLINGTON
Whatare some
hardcider,cider
must-tryculinary
doughnuts,so good!
experiences
for
Cornmazes,pumpkin
lesbianvisitorsto
patchesandapple
Burlington?
picking.Maplesyrup
ShelburneFarmsis just
is alsovery popular.
beautifulandhasgreat
Weknowwhenthe sap
foodandcheesetours.
startsflowingthat the
Youshouldsample
longwinter is almost
localgoodiesat the
over.Vermonthasreally
BurlingtonFarmers'
jumpedon the spirits
Marketon Saturday
train as well. Vodka,
mornings.SamMazza's rye whiskyanda lot of
is a farmthat doesgreat beers.
eventsfor harvestsof
the season-strawberry Namefive essential
fest,pumpkinfestsightseeing
spots.
kidsloveit! ThePenny
VisitShelburne
CluseCafeis greatfor
Museum.The
breakfast.
waterfrontin downtown
Burlington,by boat,
Vermontcheeseis
by bikeor on foot,is
a must.TheMountain
famous.Whatis a
lesser-known
Vermont Roadin Stowe,
delicacy?
Vermont-stop at
Apples.Thefall is
the little shops,drive
awesomehere.The
to the top andhike.
GreenMountainslook
It is breathtaking.Of
like they areon fire
course,thereis also
with the rich colors
greatskiingin Vermont.
of fall, andthe air
Anddon't forgetto
is cool,andyoujust
hikeCamel'sHump,
smellappleswith
Vermont'shighest
undeveloped
peak.
a hint of cinnamon
everywherein the air.
(vermontgaytourism.com)
Apple-ciderpressing,
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© 2011 American Airlines, Inc. All rights reserved.
BETWEEN
ORLDS
PALESTINIAN
QUEERWOMEN:
COMING OUT, KEEPING
SECRETSAND LIVINGTHE
AUDACl1YOF HOPE.
BY MARIA DE LA 0
70
I curve
F
irst, you have to be invited. Then, you have to be
sworn to secrecy. On the appointed evening, you
arrive and the list is checked. If your name is there
and everything looks OK, you' re in.
Once inside, you enter another world. There are scores of
women dancing, talking, eating, drinking-perhaps
a few
wear the classic hijab,but nearly all are in Western dress.
They come from different backgrounds-Muslim, Christian,
Bedouin, Druze-but
they're united, as Palestinians and
as queer.
You're finally home.
This is a monthly party for LGBT women put on by
Aswat, a decade~old organization for Palestinian queer
women based in the northern Israeli city of Haifa, not far
from the Lebanese border.
"I thought I was the only Arab lesbian in the world.
Even when I was young and I heard about lesbianism, it
was, for me, a foreign thing, not something that happened in
our society;' says 32~year~old lnaam, as we sit in the Aswat
office one afternoon, eating cheese~filled Druze bread and
tomato~and~cucumber salad.
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lnaam is from a city in northern Israel and has been a
member of Aswat for seven years. "When I heard about
Aswat, I was shocked;' she says. "It was eight women
then, and I was, like, 'There's actually eight Palestinian
gay women?'"
With short,cropped hair and low,slung cargo pants,
lnaam would register on the radar of dykes anywhere in
the world. Still, even in Haifa-a
city known for its lib,
eral politics, its lively arts scene, its gay cafes and clubsshe's cautious, and prefers to keep her last name out of
the press. It seems that sexual liberation here is for the
90 percent Jewish majority rather than the 10 percent
Arab minority.
"I choose when to be out and when to not;' lnaam
explains. "When I go to talk [to groups], it's important
for me to know who's coming and what villages they are
from-if there's someone I know, it's more scary for me:'
Her friend Nora,* smiling, lights a cigarette and interjects
from her perch near the window, "This is the Palestinian
outing process:'
And therein lies the problem. In Israel, a country that
prides itself on being the most gay,friendly destination in
the Middle East, Arabs not only experience racial discrim,
ination, but within their own cultures they also suffer
silently for being queer. Add gender to this already complex
duality and you've got ... well...complications. From its
inception, Aswat has faced these complications head on.
lnaam, Nora and most of the other members of Aswat
would be called Israeli Arabs by the government, because
they reside within the current borders oflsrael. But Aswat
has chosen to emphasize its links with its sisters in the
West Bank and Gaza, calling itself an organization for
"Palestinian gay women:'
Interviewed in 2004 by Xtra! Canada's LGBT newspaper,
Rauda Morcos, one of the founding members of Aswat,
reacted to the discrimination she faces living under
Israeli rule."We're against any type of occupation. I don't
want to be occupied as a Palestinian or as a woman or
as a lesbian:'
"Palestinian society is still very conservative;' explains
Nora, who is in her early 30s. "For an LGBT group, maybe
there is a benefit to being here [in Israel]:• But those legal,
government,sanctioned benefits don't necessarily translate
to the family or societal level. It doesn't really help me,
being inside Israel, because the Palestinian society is sepa,
rated culturally from the Jewish. Living here, it doesn't
mean that we're living a safe life. Some families, if they
know their daughter is a lesbian, they might kill her, or
abandon her:'
December 2011
I 71
"I THOUGHTI WAS THE ONLY
ARAB LESBIANIN THE WORLD.
EVENWHEN I WAS YOUNG AND
I HEARDABOUT LESBIANISM,
ITWAS, FOR ME, A FOREIGN
THING, NOT SOMETHINGTHAT
HAPPENEDIN OUR SOCIETY."
But most of the Arabs Inaam and Nora know would
consider that level of retribution to be the reaction of
violent extremists, whose worldview is outdated. Both
Inaam and Nora emphasize that life is getting better for
lesbians and bisexual women in Arab societies, and for
this development they credit the work done by Aswat and
other LGBT groups throughout the Arab region.
Inaam herself is out to most of her immediate family,
whom she describes as "traditional" rather than religious.
"It's been a long process, but after five years, I would
say [my mom is] embracing me for who I am, because
she doesn't want to lose me," Inaam says. "For her, it's
bigger family,
important that no one else knows-the
the society:'
Nora, too, discusses being gay with her family, albeit in
more theoretical terms. "I try to raise the issue with my
parents in the sense of human rights;' she says. But her
theorizing has been met with mixed reactions. "My sister
says, 'If I hear about you having something with a woman,
don't even think about coming back to this house:"
For now, Nora, who is bisexual and divorced, chooses
to keep silent, seeing no benefit in coming out to her family,
who live in a small village outside Haifa.
'Tm not going to tell anyone, because getting divorced
was really hard to do. I've been seen as a whore-I've been
seen as everything that is bad;' she says, lighting another
cigarette. ''As a divorced woman, I should have gone back
and lived with my parents. But I didn't do that. I worked
hard to gain my financial independence. It was rough, but
it was worth it. Now I can live my life the way I feel is OK
for me:'
Nora adds, a bit regretfully, "I wish that the day comes
when we can talk about this freely, with no restrictions,
with no limits, with no fears:'
And when that day finally does arrive, Aswat will throw
away its closed guest list and throw open its doors for the
party. (aswatgroup.org)
* Name changed by request
The streets of Bethlehem
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REVIEWSSapphic Screen
The Outcasts
Sundance Award-winning filmmaker, Dee Rees, discusses Pariah. By Esther Zinn
Lesbian filmmaker Dee Rees' Sundance
Film Festival award-winning film, Pariahis
a powerful and moving drama, which follows the coming out story of a 17 -year-old
African American teenager named Alike.
Raised in a homophobic and unstable
home, Alike navigates both her sexual
identity and where she belongs within her
social circle-which includes her queer best
friends, Laura and Bina. As tension with
her controlling, intolerant mother rises, she
discovers that she must use her academic and
creative talents to find ways to leave home
and seek out her own place in the world.
Executive produced by Spike Lee and
awarded Sundance's coveted Excellence in
Cinematography (Dramatic category) award,
Pariahis a touching and honest story that
leaves its audience members rooting for the
bravery and resilience of young Alike.
Whatinspiredthefilm?
I was going through my coming out process
when I wrote it. So I was very much transposing my own coming out experience onto
this 17-year-old, and kind of asking myself
74
I curve
the question that even if I had known who
I was and had a clue at 17, would I have
had the courage to be that person:' So the
story kind of evolved from that, and Alike
is someone who loves women, she's owned
that fact, but she's not sure what that means
or how to be in the world. So she's in a position where she feels that she doesn't fit in the
gay world, she doesn't quite fit in the straight
world, and so it's about her figuring out that
she doesn't have to check a box, she's just
figuring out how to be.
Whatwas it liketo workwith SpikeLee,
bothas an internon InsideManandlater
on Pariah?
Interning on the Inside Man was a great
learning process, that was my first time on a
film set ... that meant I was right beside the
monitor, and able to watch him work with
his crew, and take a good look at composition and framing, and so it really enabled me
to see firsthand how a film set should run.
And also Spike was also a teacher at N.Y.U.
film program, and so I would see him during
office hours every week, and he would give
me notes on the script. As we moved into
production I worked with Nekisa Cooper.
And she would give me feedback on the
budget. And then after we shot the film he
would watch clips and give us feedback on
the editing as well. So he was really creative
support throughout the process, as well as a
mentor when the film went out to the world.
Nekisa Cooper is the one who asked him to
finalize his role on the film, and we were
very excited when he accepted.
You'vesaidthatthetitleof thefilmcomes
fromtheconceptthateachofthecharacters
is a pariahin theirownright.Howdoesthat
playintoeachofthefilm'scharacters?
Audrey, the mother, is a pariah because ultimately, she's a lonely woman, she just wants
to connect. But the more she tries to connect,
the more she pushes people away. At work
she's socially awkward. At home, her sense
of lovingness comes off as warped and a
little overprotective. And so she just wants
to connect and feels like a pariah because
she doesn't understand why. [Alike's father]
Arthur is a pariah because he is a guy that's
respected by the neighborhood, from guys
around the way, but he's not the father that
his peers expect him to be, and he has his
own idea of parenting. And his friends are
telling him that he should be treating his
daughter differently because of who she is,
and he doesn't believe in that. So he feels like
a pariah in the sense that he's not the traditional vision of fatherhood that his friends
would expect. And Laura is a pariah in that,
in some ways, because she had to fend for
herself at an early age, she's limited to what
she can do now. She has to reach higher and
reach for her better self in order to be free
to live a fulfilling life. So she feels like she's a pariah, and she
sees Alike moving on. She feels left behind in some ways.
Thesoundtrack
isveryeclectic.
Howdidyouselectthemusic?
When the feature production came around, another director,
James Spooner, who did another documentary called, AfroPunk, introduced me to another artist called Tamar-Kali.
Tamar is amazing; she did a song at the time called "Boot"
which is great because it's about beauty and perception,
which is really great because we knew it fit Alike in the film,
and wanted punk tracks to represent the character of Bina.
And then with the hip-hop, Nekisa Cooper built a relationship with an indie company called MBK Entertainment and
so we kind of did a temp track for the cut, kind of a style of
songs that were in the style that we were looking for, and
so we decided there were a lot of hip hop themed tracks
that we could use as replacements, um, we were happy with
that. The mandate was that we wanted the soundtrack to be
all-girl, all-female, that we wanted independent artists to be
a part of the process.
Arethereanyfilmmakers
thatareinfluential
to yourwork?
I like Cassavetes because I like how he has a sense of
realism, and everything. You don't feel like you're hearing the
screenplay or the script, like A Woman Under the Influence.
And of course Spike Lee.
Whatadvicewouldyougiveto otherqueerwomenof color
startingoutinthefilmindustry?
I would say it all starts with the script. They should write
from the heart, something that is meaningful and urgentand special for them to say. Write the things that make you
happy. Write the things that make you angry. The things
that make you cry. Because ultimately that's what's going
to be what keeps you going, when agents don't write back,
when investors say no, and things seem like they're not going
to happen, it's going to be the story itself that keeps driving
you to keep going. I would say write from the heart. I know
it sounds corny or cliche but it keeps you going.
Whatmessagedoyouhopethe audiencewill walkaway
withafterwatchingPariah?
I guess it would be that it's OK to not have to check a box.
Or be anything that anyone else expects you to be. Find a
way to be yoursel£ (focuifeatures.com/
pariah)
•"·
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. . r
.....
WakingMadison
(Entertainment
One)
Thelatestfilm from
outdirectorKatherine
Brooks(Loving
Annabelle),
Waking
Madisonis part
mystery,
partfound
footagefilm andpart
surrealist
nightmare.
Waking
chronicles
theattemptsof one
woman,strickenby
dissociative
identity
disorder,
to pull
together
theunraveling
threadsof herlifeby
lockingherselfaway
for 30 daysfollowing
a botchedsuicide
attempt.Without
medication
forthe
firsttimein overa
decade,Madison
(SarahRoemer)
must
facehershattered
psycheandthe
historyof violence
andsexualabuseat
herdisorder's
origin.
Co-starring
Elisabeth
Shue,TarynManning
andAnnabelle
alum
ErinKelly,Waking
is a disturbing
and
redemptive
trip down
thepsychological
rabbithole-and
proofBrooksis only
beginning
to hit her
strideasa filmmaker.
Shedeftlytakeswhat
in lesserhandscould
havebeenmelodramaticor self-indulgent
andskillfullycraftsa
powerfulexploration
of thefragilityand
ferocityof the human
mind.
Gigola
(BreakingGlass
Pictures)
.
•,._
;
..
leadingladies
(WolfeReleasing)
Basedonthe
infamousandonce
bannedbookbythe
samenamethis
Frenchimportcomprisedof
whiskey,womenand
cabaret-followsthe
titularGigola,who
afterthe suicideof
herlover,dropsout
of medicalschool,
cutsoff herhairand
slipsintothe sexy
andseedylesbian
underworld
of 1960s
Paris.Donninga
tux anda caneand
a noshortageof
swagger,Gigola
cutsa strikingfigure
throughthe Parisian
nightlifemaking
hersuccessfulas
bothan escortand
a pimp.However,
noamountof
financialor romantic
successcancure
herloneliness
and
self-destructive
tendencies.
Dripping
with early'60s
atmosphereand
glamour,Gigolais
MadMentippedon
its patriarchalhead,
wheremasculinity
is the domainof la
gar9onne(tomboy)
andmenare
inconsequential
at
best-making for
a fascinatingand
eroticjourneythat
couldeasilydowith
a sequel.
Betweenhermelodramaticsister,her
overbearing
dance
instructormother
(acrossbetween
BetteMidlerand
Mrs.Habersham,
playedby ballroom
dancechampion
MelanieLaPatin)
and
meddlinggaybest
friendCedric(So
YouThinkYouCan
DancewinnerBenji
Schwimmer),
Toni
hasherhandsfull.
Butwhenonenight
at a danceclubToni
meetsMonaeverythingchangesfor the
formerwallflower,
transforming
herinto
a spotlightdanceranda lesbian.Sweet,
charmingandirresistiblytoe-tapping
(despitesomedodgy
performances)
it's
difficultnotto be
sweptup in this
musicalromantic
comedy,sinceeven
the mostmundane
momentsareinfused
with upbeatmusicality andchoreography-completewith
an epicsupermarket
songanddance
number.Leading
Ladieshasall the
bootyshaking
andromanceof
Footloose
or High
SchoolMusical,but
with noneof the
humdrumheternormativity.
December 2011
I 75
REVIEWSMusic Watch
On the Verge
From a trailer in the Outback to the American Dream, Aussie acoustic export Martine Locke
shares her story. By Jess McAvoy
Born in a trailer in the rugged Australian
Outback, Martine Locke has seemingly
been primed from birth for the rough and
tumble ride that is the independent music
industry. I first met Locke in the late '90s
when she was still making her name for
herself in Australia, with Rose Farrow as
The Velvet Janes. I opened for them a num~
ber of times in Perth, and later shared the
support slot for Ani DiFranco's 2000 tour.
Since then Locke has worked relentlessly in
the indie scene, self~releasing four solo CDs
(Fly,On The Verge, Undone and LIVE) and
now, with her new live self~titled album, is
celebrating her achievements in America.
Tellmeaboutyourinfluences
andhowyou
cameto moveto theU.S.
My mentors and influences were Ani
DiFranco, Shawn Colvin, Patty Larkin ...
76
I curve
Ward plays drums and sings most of the
harmonies and my sweetheart Jamie Price
is killing it on the djembe and vocals also.
Karl Zemlin, a local Indianapolis sound
engineer and the knob god we choose to
work with here, is behind the desk on this
one. And then, of course, there was the
audience.
Wheredidyouwrite"SmellsLikeRain"?
I was actually staying in a cabin in Western
Australia. It had been a really hot summer
and The Velvet Janes had just played at a
music festival down in Albany, New South
Wales when it started to storm. I wanted to
capture the smell of the earth when water
hits it for the first time after a long drought.
I am sure the series of events that brought
me to that moment impacted my writing
more than the landscape at the time, but it
didn't hurt!
Whatarethemajordifferences
between
writing
in Americavs.Australia?
I don't think there really is a lot of differ~
ence actually. Of course, if I'd have written
songs like"Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport"
it might be a little different but life is life
wherever it may be. I think if anything,
women who were U.S. based artists and it perhaps I am more politically bent here
felt, at the time, a long way away from where
because there are more reasons to be so
I was, in Perth, Western Australia. The
inclined. I never really had to think about
immigration issues, protection for my part~
Velvet Janes worked hard-often
doing
shows three to four nights a week at home
ner and I (in a state and a country that would
and then five to eight shows a week on the rather the issue hide its face) and the future
road. Being an independent artist and two of gay rights in this country and the world,
women in an industry that hadn't seen a lot as much as I do now. These things affect
of either of them then, at least in Australia,
me on a day~to~day basis here, whereas they
was hard. It seemed the goal was always to never really did when I lived in Australia.
get out of Australia to find success, when
I never felt worried about my ability to
really, the country was right on the verge stay in the country or whether my partner
of having a huge growth spurt in the arts. and I and our family would be protected.
of recording
I was proud to be there for some of it and Howdidyoufindthe experience
a livealbum?
to ride some of that wave of success. It most
definitely helped me find and continue to This was the culmination of months of
touring and all the songs on the CD were
work so successfully here in the U.S.
Yournew livealbumsoundswonderful.
Who songs that had been played live for most of
workedontherecording?
those months, some of them, years. I also
It features my regular touring band-Dionne
try to do live recordings whenever I can, so
2011 STATEMENT
OFOWNERSHIP
as to get used to the feeling around
it
accepted me because of my choices and
and then somewhere in the midst of that
was still battling
I relax around
family,
the button"
the concept
of "pushing
and just enjoy the show.
faith
with the loss of friends,
and community
the shame that
and with
they thought
I should
What did you want to achievewith this
recording?
feel. Of course, these days I don't even
To capture a live show in the way people
loves her life and those in it and writes
had
been
asking
for
gives
it-natural
people
and
unedited.
It
want, with
no studio enhancement,
it alleviates "studio~itis:•
in everything-from
what
they
and
I had my hands
the songs, to the
venue, to the sounds, to the artwork
and
think
about it. I am just
and sings about it all-proudly.
This is the only job I have known
whole
adult
stopping
life
and I don't
to record
Tellmeaboutthe nightyourecorded.
working
in Europe.
We recorded
The
which
has become my
Front
Porch
women-and
my
CDs
Collective,
band
make art, music, jewelry,
that sing along to everything
leather cuffs, etc.
into
every show with
and I wanted
no holds
to capture
barred
them, and me
them. It felt like every single per~
with
son there that night
full of excitement
came with
and expectation
a heart
and it
My
been
life"]
sweetheart,
Jamie,
a
called IHA
mates-who
and
screen
I have
printing
[Sanskrit
for "in
that not only hand screens all my
merchandise
but whose goal is to put
was an amazing energy to stand within.
a positive
As a lesbianmusician,it tookme time to
be comfortable
in the media.Whatchallengeshaveyoufaced?
one T ~shirt at a time.
When
The
I first started we really didn't talk
of
artisan
photography,
developing
company
and to start
I am also part
new city. I have had great audiences here
and jump
my
see that
now. I am keen to continue
to tour,
in Indianapolis,
who
Whatdoesthe nextfive yearsfor Martine
Lockelooklike?
the pressing.
it at a sold out show here
an artist
message back into the world,
Lookingback,anythoughts
or regrets?
Once upon a time when I lived in Perth,
Velvet Janes were invited
by the
about it a lot. I remember someone telling
head of Sony at the time to talk about
me at a show that
our future together. Later, I was talking
they knew
I was a
I am just an artist
who lovesher life
and those in it and
writesand sings
about it all-proudly.
about the experience to a business men~
tor. She put her head back and laughed
lesbian because I had Doc Marten
boots
heartily
when
I
told
about
meeting.
I still laugh about that now in a thankful
eye and said, "You are independent
kind
nature,
of way-that
providing
I could
safe community
be part
for people to
just be who they were-straight,
everything
in between-and
gay and
play music
in the process. I was also just
out
of having
spent
of
coming
the previous
10
years involved in a church that no longer
She looked
her
on and that's why they came to the show.
independent
the
me square in the
by
by name and will
never sign that away to someone else:• I
know
never to say never, but I feel like
my life will continue
to be the journey
of an independent,
strong,
woman ... and that
suits
passionate
me just
fine.
Publication
Title:Curve.
PublicationNo.:0010-355.
FilingDate:Oct1, 2011
IssueFrequency:
Monthlyexceptbi-monthly
Jan/FebandJuly/Aug.
Numberof IssuesPublished
Annually:10
AnnualSubscription
Price:$59.90
CompleteMailingAddress:POBox467
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ContactPerson:SilkeBader
Telephone:
(415)871-0569
Publisher:
SilkeBaderPOBox467 NewYorkNY10034
Editor:MerrynJohnsPOBox467 NewYorkNY10034
ManagingEditor:RachelShattoPOBox467
NewYorkNY10034
Owner(s):
AvalonMediaLLCPoBox467
NewYorkNY10034
SiIke BaderPOBox467 NewYorkNY10034
Publication
Title:Curve.
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Dec2011
( martinelocke.com)
December 2011
I 77
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Do Ask, Do Tell
In the aftermath of the repealof DADT,being gay in the militaryis a hot topic. By Troy Petenbrink
OutofStep,J.LeeWatton
(A&MBooks):
When
J. Lee Watton was discharged from the
Navy in 1965, she told her parents it was
because she suffered from a mental illness.
She found it easier than telling them it was
because she loved a woman.
"Shame is a wound that goes deep;' says
Watton, as she gathers with other former
servicewomen at a restaurant in Washington,
D.C., just one day after the repeal of Title
10 of the U.S. Code, Section 654, more
commonly known as the "Don't Ask, Don't
Tell"law.
The group of women-including
retired
Army Col. Margarethe Cammermeyer;
the Rev. Dusty Pruitt, a retired major
in the Army Reserve; and retired Capt.
Michelle Benecke, a co~founder of the
Servicemembers Legal Defense Networkhad come together to discuss the repeal of
DADT and to celebrate the upcoming
publication of Watton's memoir, Out of Step.
Each of the women reflected on the
78
I curve
emotional toll being gay in the military
had taken while they were servingand the effect it has continued to have
many years later.
"I was a reverend and being called
immoral and unhonorable;' said Pruitt.
While DADT was the law of the land
from December 1993 to September
2011, the ban on gays and lesbians in the
military is more than 65 years old and has
resulted in the discharge, sometimes the
dishonorable discharge, of thousands of
men and women. In fact, the opposition
to service by gays and lesbians is rooted
in the sexism that permeated much of the
military after World War II.
As Benecke explained, an easy way to get
a woman out of the military was to label her
a lesbian, regardless of whether it was true
or not.
Watton's book tells the story of how,
as young member of the Navy WAVES
(WomenAcceptedfor Volunteer Emergency
Service), she and four of her friends were the
victims of a witch hunt. With no attorneys
assigned to represent them, and confronted
with no proof of their sexual orientation,
the women suffered daily interrogations
before ultimately being discharged.
The irony for Watton was that just days
before the military's investigation began,
her commanding officer praised her perfor~
mance and recommended that she pursue
officer training.
Col. Cammermeyer writes in the books
forward: "Out of Step is a tender, fragile
love story about a 'Family' of young women
dealing with 'Growing up' in the military, to
the beat of a different drummer, and making
decisions with lifelong consequences:'
Cammermeyer, a Vietnam veteran and
Bronze Star recipient, was discharged from
service in 1992 after honestly answering" yes"
to a routine question about whether she was
a lesbian. She sued the military in civil court,
saw her discharge declared unconstitutional
in 1994 and returned to the Army as one of
the few gay people ever to serve openly. Her
fight for her rights in the military is recounted
in the TV movie Serving in Silence: The
Margarethe Cammermeyer Story.
Fay Jacobs, the owner of A&M Books
and Watton's publisher, hopes that Out of
Step will not only serve as a reminder of a
shameful time in the nation's history but
also help shape the future for gay and lesbian
servicemembers, post~ D ADT.
"This is a story that needs
telling;' says
OurTime:Breaking
theSilenceof "Don't
Ask,Don'tTell,,,edited
by JoshSeefried.
OnSeptember
20,2011,DADTwas
finallyrepealed-aftermorethan
17,000servicemembershadbeen
discharged
basedontheirsexual
orientation.
Thiscollectionof succinct,
heartfelt,first-personessaysis a fitting
tributeto thosesoldiers,voicingin plain
termsthe anguishandsufferingcaused
byoneof the mostmisguided
laws
enactedin ourlifetime.Whileit may
seemdisappointing
to seea gender
disparity-over40 storiesarefrom
malesandonlyfivefromfemalesthis is,according
to the publisher,
anaccuratereflectionof the ratioof
mento womenin thearmedforces.
Nevertheless,
this is a compelling
read,
articulating
thesoldiers'prideandtheir
conflict.JennBrownfelt shewasborn
to serveandmadeto feelshame:"I
knewI wantedto jointhe militaryeven
beforeI knewI wasa lesbian."Tania
Dunbarexactlysumsupthe nature
of the conflict:"Soldiers,
withwhomI
sweat,bleed,andcry,can'tevermeet
thewomanI love...Friendswhowould
diefor mecan'tevermeetthe person
whomakesmewantto live."A timely
release,editedbySeefried,
co-founder
of OutServe,
theassociation
of actively
servingLGBTmilitarypersonnel.
[MerrynJohns]
cucxe
marketolace
come'lifflilif
L
L1m1n.[ li'-mm
-verb
l
Caribbean translation relaxing
.J
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December 2011
I 79
STARS
Naughty and Nice
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Your celestial stocking is stuffed with goodies this month.
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.22)
Your career takes off this December, so that means that
you may want to defer vacation plans and channel all
your efforts into showcasing your accomplishments
to the big executives. Once you wheedle enough extra
dough from them you can bake it on some luxurious
hot beach far away from the office.
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan.20)
Start a personal press campaign for yourself and see
how your international influence can grow. Launch a
blog, take off on a diplomatic junket, enroll for a class
and generally expand your horizon. The knowledge
that you gain now will become very valuable in the
coming months.
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec. 22)
BecauseSagittariusis the ruler
of the ninth houseof travel,
highereducation,religion,
philosophyandthe law,
SapphicArchersare happiest
in careersthat givethem free
rangeto roamboth physically
and mentally.Theyare
gregarioussoulswho needto
interactwith othersand can't
be happilyconfinedto a lonely
deskjob. Theyare also more
egalitarianthan mostother
womenand don't tend rule
subordinatesby intimidation.In
fact they are morelikely than
not palswith their employees.
Youwill find at leastone
Sagdykeon everycorporate
softballteam. (Seeif you can
get to homebasewith her.)
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
December is the month to improve on your personal
karma by doing good charitable deeds and cleaning
out your closet. Any amount of effort will bring great
results and give you greater confidence and sex appeal.
A group of admirers are saying some very nice things
about you. And there is someone in particular who you
would like to buzz back.
Pisces(Feb.20-March20)
A friendship can become a full-fledged relationship,
if you allow it to happen. You are blessed with a great
group of girlfriends who love to hang around together.
The challenge, as you may see it, is that you don't want
to risk losing a good gal pal to a possible short-term
passionate fling.
Gemini(May22-June 21)
December has you thinking about ways to deck your
halls and spruce up your surroundings so that it
becomes a showplace and an epicenter of fun and
love. If time and money are tight, it needn't be an
expensive or time-consuming project. Just begin by
removing that"Stay Away" mat from your front door
and bring in Holly.
Cancer(June22-July 23)
Communication with partners is exceptionally important this month. Don't let unspoken grievances put
a damper on your winter festivities. There are many
diplomatic ways to say how you feel without hurting
her feelings. For those Crabs who are in the market
for a catch, you find that you can say the right thing
to reel her into your net.
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
The past year might have seen your fortunes shrink.
So make the most of every purchase and make your
dime stretch into a dollar. Of course there are some
gifts that can't be bought or sold: unconditional love,
generosity of time, unfettered loyalty. But how do
you wrap those things:'
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
You are the life of the holiday party and the star on
top of the tree. Enjoy every embarrassingly glorious
moment and give the boring folks something to talk
about in the cold winter months. In the meantime,
show the world the meaning of pride, pomp and
power. Go girl.
Aries(March21-April20)
Lambda Rams are the ones to meet and greet at the
office holiday party. Your professional charisma has no
limits and your capacity to schmooze the power elite
has no equal. What will you do with all that star power:'
One the one hand you could aspire to higher office and
eventually take over the firm. On the other hand ...
there is no other hand.
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Are you a woman of mystery or are you on the receiving
end of a surprise:' Time will tell. In the meantime,
you find many enjoyable ways to decorate your home
for the holidays. So invite a few bosom buddies over
to trim your tree and hang your tinsel. Be sure there
is plenty of hot toddy to go around.
Taurus(April21-May 21)
Has life been too stressful or too routine:' December
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is
was
made for vacation and fun. So make a beeline to
theauthorofHerscopes:
any
destination
where you can absolutely relax and
A GuidetoAstrology
party
till
your
hooves
ache. Sapphic Bulls have more
for Lesbians
(Simon&
energy and oomph than they realize and can take any
Schuster)
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes).
Nowavailableasan ebook.
small creative idea and make it a masterpiece.
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Make an effort to expand your circle of friends this
December. This can be achieved by wrangling invitations to different holiday parties or joining new dubs
or organizations or even creating an event yourself.
The most important thing is to get out there, make
charming conversation and press the flesh.
so I curve
CJ
:::J
I
0
a:
0
I
ABSOLUT
OUTRAGEOUS
?:~°"f?eifeded
CELEBRATING30 YEARSOF GOING OUT AND COMING OUT
//)Jlant
to be the
c~~anw
this season?
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