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Description
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ToC Lust & Latex (p40); Cover: The Real Deal [The Real L Word's Nikki and Jill] by Rachel Shatto (p46); Nepal: Good for Gays? By Maria Del La O (p66); Party Mardi by Cec Busby (p70); 11 Tantalizing Taboos to Tip Her Over the Edge by Yana Tallon-Hicks (p32); History of the (Lesbian) Orgasm by Sara Whitford (p34); A New Zealand Wedding by Merryn Johns (p56); Well Suited by Merryn Johns (p60); Cover Photo Jeff Holt.
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Sex Issue
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issue
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1
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Date Issued
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January-February 2011
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Curve_Vol21_No1_January-February-2011_0CR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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OUR SEXIEST ISSUE EVER
SECRETS OF A LESBIAN MATCHMAKER
The
Ultimate
Orgasm
Guide
AMAZING
EROTIC
TIPS
TOTRY
n EXC
oneym
Features JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2011
40
Lust & Latex
It's easy to look hot without fur or leather. Just
try these one-of-a-kind latex designs by queer
couturieres Collective Chaos Design.
46
The Real Deal
Out of everyone on the hit reality show The
Real L Word, Nikki and Jill have found true
love, and manage to keep their bedroom door
shut. Which is why we were thrilled to be given
this exclusive inside report on their wedding,
and their wedded bliss. By Rachel Shatto
66
Nepal: Good for Gays?
Don't let a little altitude sickness get in the
way of exploring this increasingly gay-friendly
destination. By Maria Del La 0
70
Party Mardi
Party Down Under at Sydney's historic Gay &
Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade. You can even join
the curve float. By Gee Busby
Sex& Romance
This month we present a special sex guide
and for those of you ready to tie the knot, a
bonus wedding section.
32
11 Tantalizing Taboos to Tip Her
Over the Edge
Whether you're vanilla or not, these adventurous tips will put you in the passion zone.
By Yana Tallon-Hicks
34
History of the (Lesbian) Orgasm
The elusive "big O" is not so elusive for
lesbians, according to research. By Sara
Whitford
56
A New Zealand Wedding
lndie rockers Kiss Kill chose the Land of the
Long White Cloud to tie the knot. But it's
been sunshine ever since. By Merryn Johns
60
Well Suited
Butches can now dress for success on
their special day with The Butch Clothing
Company's bespoke tailoring service. By
Merryn Johns
~
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COVER
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BYJEFFHOLT
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curve
SILKESPEAKING
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2011
LESBIAN
I
MAGAZINE
VOLUME 21 NUMBER 1
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenics
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Music Review Editor Margaret Coble
Contributing Editors Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
EditorialAssistants Lisa Gunther, Liska Koenig
PUBLISHING
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
Senior Advertising Executive Diana L. Berry
Advertising Sales Rivendell Media
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Jamie Anderson, Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Bree
Clarke, Jennifer Corday, Lyndsey D' Arcangelo, Beren deMotier,
Ainsley Drew, Jillian Eugenics, Michele Fisher, Lauren Marie
Fleming, Tania Hammidi, Kathi lsserman, Gillian Kendall, Kate
Lacey, Sheela Lambert, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus,
Sassafras Lowrey, Ariel Messman-Rucker, Candace Moore, Alison
Peters, Catherine Plato, Aimsel L. Ponti, Heather Robinson, Laurie
K. Schenden, Lori Selke, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Robin MinerSwartz, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Kyra Thomson, Jocelyn Voo, Melany
Walters-Beck
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Paul Michael Aguilar, Erica Beckman, Brie Childers, Meagan
Cignoli, Cheryl Craig, JD Disalvatore, Tony Donaldson, Sophia
Hantzes, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van
Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
Phone (415) 871-0569 Fax (415) 863-1609
Advertising Sales (415) 692-5420
Subscription Inquiries (818) 286-31 02
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 21 Issue 1 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York, NY
10034. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $71.95
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355).
Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part,
without written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of
any persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as
an indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated.
Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for
response. Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot
be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No responsibility is
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assumed for loss or damages. The contents do not necessarily represent the opinions of
the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription Inquiries:
Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034, email curve@
curvemag.com. Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster:Send Canadianaddress
changes to shop@curvemag.com,
Curve, PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8. Send U.S.
address changes to crvcs@magserv.com,Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood, CA 91615-7138.
Printedin the U.S.
curvemag.com
The SilkeTouch
I've always believed that publishing is more than just providing editorial concepts
readers want. I believe it's also about providing editorial concepts that surprise.
Many of you were surprised to learn that after 20 years, curve passed into
new ownership: that of my independent publishing company Avalon Media,
which produces Australia's lesbian magazines LOTL and BOUND.
While change can be disconcerting, especially after two decades, it can also
be a good thing. This year, Avalon Media is concentrating on delivering the
best possible lesbian magazine to you. I believe in the power of print and I
am dedicated to keeping America's besdoved lesbian magazine going strong.
Through a balance of community spirit and editorial innovation we will bring
you a new, fresh and surprising curve.
And we have the proven team to do that. Many of curve's staff and
contributors are staying with us, preserving important ties to curve's history
while embracing change and pursuing new opportunities. Plus, we added to
them other friendly, dedicated and experienced staffers: in Sydney, where I
live with my wife, Tanya, and our two children; in New York where editor~in~
chief Merryn Johns, who has worked with me for 10 years, is based; and we
still have a strong editorial and creative contingent in San Francisco, curve's
hometown. The curve family stretches from coast to coast, and hemisphere
to hemisphere. Our unique virtual and paperless office (yes, we're trying to be
green) gives us the structure and flexibility to deliver you the best local and
international content each issue.
When I started out as a small, independent publisher in the 1990s, I read
curve with admiration and enthusiasm. I looked up to Frances Stevens,
whose vision and dedication to America's lesbian community left an indelible
impression on me. Perhaps that's why I am here now, and you are reading my
letter. I am humbled to have been offered the reins of curve, honored that
I was given the opportunity to carry on the
work that Frances pioneered. I speak for all
at Avalon Media when I say we respect and
value curve's history and readership, and
we look forward to 2011 and its opportuni~
ties and challenges. To another 20 yearsand many more surprises!
Silke K. Bader
Publisher
silke@curvemag.com
October, 2010: Frances "Franco"
Stevens and Silke Bader shake hands
on the new ownership of Curve
January/February
2011
I3
Departments JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2011
A.J
IN EVERY ISSUE
3
8
9
10
12
17
20
21
22
27
80
24
Silke Speaking
Editor's Letter
Contributors
Letters
Stars
30
28
18
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Politics
~
Happy New Year! Well, it could be if you
help lesbians around the globe.
:i~
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72
Music: Wake up to Girl in a Coma, plus
out cutie Kate Cooper and Amanda Palmer
unplugged.
76
Books: Get serious about your wellbeing,
grieve and get over your ex and celebrate
the gifted, gay and black amongst us.
79
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Film: Angelina Jolie is still our favorite
dream girl, and lesbian sex sizzles with
Black Swan and Elena Undone.
Celebrity Gossip
Ladies, behave! Well, it wouldn't be
Lesbofile without a few messes.
w
~
Curvatures
From Gay Global Girls to booty
bling: get your sexy on.
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13
Dyke Drama
What do closet cases and tea baggers have
in common?
Lipstick & Dipstick
Top Ten Reasons We Love ...
t
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Scene
I Tried It
Relationships: What to do if your sweetie
has a sweet tooth, or won't come out.
And if you're still single, learn how to attract
your perfect mate from a lesbian yenta.
<:£2
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Out in Front
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Tech: From sexy to romantic, light her
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curve
urvemag.com
~
Win a Celesbian Date to The Dinah
We are thrilled to be teaming up with Club Skirts The Dinah and
Mariah Hanson to host an exclusive "Win A Date at The Dinah" contest
with two of the most controversial cast members of Showtime's
The Real L Word-Whitney Mixter and Rose Garcia. It's not too late
to enter for a chance to spend some quality time with these hot
celesbians in the desert, find out how at curvemag.com.
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Make Movie History
Nicole Conn, the filmmaker behind Claire of the Moon and the
new romantic hit Elena Undone has begun work on her new,
edgier project-which is where you come in. Women are being
invited to invest! Find out how you can become a producer at
curvemag.com
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The Boob Tube
Admittedly sometimes the television
landscape can be grim but there is
plenty of good feminist watching out
there. Don't miss it! Read our reviews
of "10feminist TV shows on DVD now
and catch up.
Nicole Conn
wants to
recruit you!
Jukebox Heroine
Congratulations go
out to Gina Daggett
aka Lipstick on
her first novel
Jukebox. Funded
through a grant
from Power Up, Jukebox is a
heartbreaking love story about
Harper and Grace, two privileged young
women who fall in love against the odds.
Soulmates from their first meeting at age
11, formidable forces control their lives:
shame, fear and especially money. Potent
forces that will challenge their love to its
very limits. If there is anything Daggett
knows its romance with the ladies. So,
needless to say, we'll be picking up our
copy today. How about you? (amazon.com)
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2011
I5
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Guiding Light's Crystal Chappell
•
Do More
Lesbians
Have Eating
Disorders?
iecrets
10 Tips to Survive Pride
••
keep' em
coming.
♦
subscribetoday.
curvemag.com
EDITOR'S
NOTE
The Meaning
of Magazines
"I, likeyou,
hope to read
curve for many
years to come,
and to get that
winningtingle
as I turn each
page."
s I curve
I don't know about you, but
when I realized I was gay at a
fairly tender age, no one sent me
a note saying, "Congratulations,
you're a lesbian!" There was no
queer quinceanera,bat mitzvah,
cotillion debut-no
joyful send~off into a world
promising hope and happiness. I'm not unusual.
Coming~orage rituals are sadly lacking for little
gays and lesbians: More often than not we're met
with ignorance, interrogation and abuse when we
fully accept our adult identity and brace ourselves to
offer the world our considerable gifts. Like many, I
struggled to find harmony with family, friends and
colleagues-my sexuality always seemed to get in the
way-until I landed, about a couple of decades ago,
in LGBT publishing. There, surrounded by so many
wonderful and like~minded people, I began creating
meaningful reading material for tens of thousands of
people I would never meet, but with whom I would
feel a deep kinship.
Consequently, magazines mean a lot to me. I've
package. And now that I've taken on the mantle of
editing curve, I can channel my passion into creating
the best "congratulations" letter you're ever likely
to read.
Many of you reading this note are probably won~
dering who I am and where I come from. Well, we
might not get to know one another overnight, but
if you meet me on this page each issue, I promise it
will happen over time. One thing I can tell you right
now is that I, like you, hope to read curve for many
years to come, and to get that winning tingle as I turn
each page. That's my wish as a reader. As an editor,
my wish is more ambitious: That curve become the
best lesbian magazine in the world.
And this is where getting to know you comes in,
because I'm seeking your input to these questions:
What would the world's best lesbian magazine look
like? What would it feel like, sound like? What
would it need to give you?
I used to think it was weird that the word "maga~
zinc" also meant"storehouse;' especially for ammuni~
tion. But one thing a good magazine does for me is
to make me feel enlightened and sustained-fighting
fit to face the world and its challenges and opportu~
nities. How about you? Every time you open curve,
I'd like you to receive the message "Congratulations,
you're a lesbian!" That's a good beginning. Now let's
do the rest together.
/JJ/'J ·
always loved the way the best ones offer the world on / /' '/ ,,t_;;ra glossy platter: people, places, possibilities, and even
M~rry':'J . S
products, all at my fingertips. Thanks to the hard
work and devotion of Frances Stevens and Diane
Editor-m-c ief
merryn@cu rvemag .com
Anderson~ Minshall, curve is a vital publication,
cherished by its longtime readers, including myself. I
like to think of it as the celebratory acceptance of my
sexuality that I never received when I came out-but
that now arrives monthly in a sleek, sexy and inspiring
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CONTRIBUTORS
YanaTallon-Hicks
discovered her love for talking to strangers about sex as a Good Vibrations
sex educator and sales associate in San Francisco, where she received over 40 hours of training
on sexual health and sex toys. Now living in Northampton, Mass., Yana continues to get
people off through her weekly sex column and diligent hands~on research. Who better, then,
to take us through "11 Tantalizing Taboos to Tip Her Over the Edge" on pg. 32.
Jillian Eugeniosis the associate editor of curve magazine. Before joining curve, this
California native spent some time in the sunshine of Sydney, Australia where she headed
the online department for curve's sister publication, LOTL. Now a New Yorker, she lives
in Brooklyn with two cats, a big dog and a housemate covered in leopard print tattoos. Jillian
loves books, lesbians and seeing what people have in their baskets at the grocery store. Read
her review of the Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis thriller, Black Swan, on pg. 78.
Ever since she chomped her way through a dozen candy bars for a TV commercial as a child,
CecBusbyknew she wanted a career in the arts. She has since tried her hand at acting, directing,
photography, producing and writing. She is currently the editor of My Nikon Life maga~
zine and the Australian lesbian monthly LOTL, which recently celebrated its 20th year. Cec
is
no stranger to Australia's infamous Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade. In fact,
0
her mother marched alongside her LGBT friends in the very first parade. Read Cec's "Party
~ Mardi" on pg. 70.
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"My kind fellow Curvettes have dubbed me a pop culture pundit, but in reality I think pop
'iJf culture junkie may be a more honest assessment;' says curve's managing editor RachelShatto.
'<'.
~
"When The Real L Word aired I watched every episode and loved it. And, when I got the op~
to speak with cast members Nikki Weiss and Jill Sloane Goldstein about their
wedding, I was excited and honored to have them share the intimate details of their special
~ day with me-and
now with you!" Her exclusive interview with the brides, "The Real Deal;'
!g can be found on pg. 46. When Rachel isn't chatting up celesbians and keeping things (obses~
~ sively) organized at curve, she's sharing her passion for horror cinema on the Zombie Grrlz
c3 Podcast, a feminist take on the genre, or contributing games reviews to Joystiq.com.
§ portunity
t
January/February
2011
I9
LETTERS
and still do-for the lesbian community. You
made a difference-for my life and for the
lives of so many other women. All the best for
you, and many, many thanks from Germany!
-Joni.T, Germany
Vero Rocks!
coming
outhas
changed
everything
for lesbians
andmade
TVeven
better,
too
We Love Wanda
I'm writing you all the way from Denver. I'm
34 years young and new to curve magazine.
I am a Black Stud Lesbian and I have been dying
to find a magazine that reflects who I am. So,
I'm taking a big chance on curve magazine.
I see that Wanda Sykes is on the cover of
your 20th Anniversary Double Issue. I hope
curve represents the entire spectrum of
lesbians with the many ways we identify. I
look forward to reading and supporting your
magazine. Thank you for all that you do!
-Posted by StudBoi on curvemag.com
Curve Concerns
I've been with you guys since day one
and I'm feeling a little sadness right
now. I don't know what curve will
become with the new owners. All I can
hope for is a continuation of the great
magazine that I have been reading all
these years. From what I have read of
the last few of Frances Stevens' comments,
I'm not surprised to hear what is happening to
curve. I want to wish you all the very best
of luck for the success of this wonderful
magazine. I don't want it to go away! Please
keep it going!
- Elaine Lotcpeich, Marlboro, NJ.
I am reading your Nov/Dec
2010 issue and came across
your "This Is What a Lesbian
Looks Like" page featuring
Vero. In reading her bio I
knew I would probably really
dig her music. Trying to find
her music on line has been
challenging. I found a site
with a few videos, but nothing
in terms of albums and buying
her music. Help! I would
appreciate it if you have
some information to get a
hold of her tunes.
-Jessica, Maine
Congratulations!
Merryn and Silke, I have long been a sup~
porter of you both and have just subscribed
to curve as a celebration of your great news.
I am loving BOUND magazine and can say
living in North Queensland it is a real treat
to get my LOTL and
BOUND! Just wanted to
say congratulations and I
wish you both much joy
in your new challenges.
-Katrina Robertson,
How do you feel about
Queensland, Australia
Valentine's Day?
Poll
Silke and Merryn, My
partner and I just want
depression-goaway
to congratulate you on
Valentine's
day
the wonderful news of
I like it. It's fun but
the international merger
I don'ttakeit too
seriously
of Avalon Media and
curve
magazine! For
I loveit. It's the
perfectexcuseto
the past 20 years, we have
spoilmyspeciallady
been entertained, inspired,
stirred and fired up by
I'm ambivalent.
It's
just anotherday
Editor's
note:We love Vero,too!
LOTL and most recently
You can stream her songs at
by BOUND. Silke and
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
Merryn, you are both
myspace.com/ mahogany.
visionaries and by taking this daring leap,
Un-fur-givable
you are creating wonderful opportunities
I am appalled that you claim to be anti~fur
for our many diverse communities, for our
and then have a ("This Is What a Lesbian
many causes, for our many voices, for many
Looks Like''] article
women. It's a small world after all! Wishing
making exceptions
you all the very best of everything and lots
(Vol 21#9]. You of positive energy with this wonderful
are either anti~fur
endeavor.
or not anti~fur. No
- Miranda Kuijpers and Belinda Vlotman,
exceptions. I think
New South Wales, Australia
this woman is dis~
gusting and if she
really gave a rat's ass CORRECTIONS
about animals she
The words spray~painted on the side of the
car were "fag" and "u r gay" in Fagbug (Vol.
would
confiscate
any fur she can get her mitts on and bury it
20#9]. The Poetic Licence pump featured in
the "2010 Gift Guide" (Vol. 20#9] is actually
and truly be anti~fur ... clearly she is not and
neither are you!
Irregular Choice and can be purchased at
-Christy Dunham, Traverse City, Mich
musthaveshoes.com. ■
I loatheit. Pressure,
32% consumerism,
28%
23%
17%
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Curve Kudos
Dear Frances Stevens, Diane Anderson~
Minshall and curve magazine team, thank
you so much for allthe wonderful and probably
sometimes frantically busy work you did10
I curve
e-
Sendlettersto: curve magazine
POBox467,NewYork,NY10034
EMAIL:letters@curvemag.com
FAX:510.380.7487
GOTO:curvemag.com/letters
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• renew
• payyourbill
• get missingissues
• changeaddress
• givea gift
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ON
CURVE
PERSONALS
TODAY!
Mommy, Mama, Me ... and a Donor
When Jeff DeGroot was growing up as one of the
thousands of children born into LGBT families that
use donor insemination, there weren't many resources
for him to turn to. He recalls that he got some
information from the children's book
Heather Has Two Mommies, but it didn't
fully explain how he was conceived.
Thanks to DeGroot, today's donorconceived children finally have a book
COLACE Donor
just for them-The
Insemination Guide. DeGroot wrote the
guide while he was a fellow at COLAGE,
a national organization for children and
adults with one or more LGBT parents. The
70-page text grew out of a series of one-onone discussions and surveys DeGroot carried
out, in which he asked both the parents who
used donor insemination, and the children who were
conceived through the process, to talk about their
experiences. His goal was to provide kids with a road
map for how to deal with being donor-conceived.
"I wanted the audience to be very specific;'
DeGroot says. "It just didn't seem like there was
much out there for donor-conceived youth with an
LGBT parent:'
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Recommended
for fifth-graders and up, the
guide covers subjects like how kids can talk to their
friends about their family, and how they can find
information about an anonymous
donor. It breaks down an oftencomplicated subject and offers
specific answers to the everyday
challenges that donor-conceived
children face.
DeGroot
says he would
have wanted a resource like
this when he was growing
up in Corvallis, Ore., with
his two moms (who met at
Girl Scout Camp 35 years
ago). But he quickly adds that he
didn't want the guide to be about him.
"I wanted this book to try to capture the experiences of the people in the surveys;' he says. Those
experiences are scattered throughout the guide in
the form of direct quotes from adults and children,
providing valuable insights into what it's like to
grow up as a donor-conceived child. You can order
the COLACE DI Guide for a suggested donation of
$20 or more at colage.org. [AnnaBellePeterson]
Kim Zolciak and
DJ Tracy Young vs.
Lori Michaels and
Danielle Staub
Which is the Hottest
Housewives hookup?
Bravo'shit franchise
TheRealHousewives
is synonymous
with
drama,excess,terrible
popsongsandnow...
lesbianliaisons?
Aftertwo
of the mostnotorious
cast
members(DanielleStaub
andKimZolciak)
havegone
gayfor a coupleof our
favoritecelesbians
we're
left wondering:
Whichisthe
hottest?
Sendyourvoteto
letters@curvemag.com
by
Feb.28,2011andbeentered
to wina hotsurprise
prize.
Star Candy's rhinestone-embellished
boy shorts are adorable, saucy and a
cheeky way to boost your sexy.
These sassy undies are the perfect
brief for every occasion-from a
saucy undercover secret by day, to
a sparkling show and tell at night.
With a variety of eye-catching designs
and tongue in...well. ..cheek sayings, Star
Candy has a little something for everyone.
So, bejewel that booty! ($26 and up,
starcandyboutique.com) [RachelShatto]
January/February
2011
I 13
Around the World in 80 Gays
Forget global warming-it's this sexy calendar that's heating up 2011.
London-based photographer Nadia Attura
and stylist Mercury-the
brilliant ladies
of I Love London Girls who brought you
last year's smoldering I Love Girls Kissing
calendar-are back with 12 more months of
sexy lezzie action. This year, I Love Global
Girls delivers a panorama of gay beauty from
around the world. We can't think of a better
way to keep track of 2011.
The globe-trotting theme was inspired
by a conversation between Attura and her
girlfriend while they were on flight from
Munich to Portugal, discussing the varied
landscapes between destinations and how
diverse the women were, too. "My girlfriend mentioned that it would be fun to
14
I curve
photograph buxom German frauleins in
dirndls, smashing their beer glasses together;' explains Attura. "This went on to
Portuguese girls-a beach and not much
else, other than bikinis and oils. We had a
blast coming up with various ideas for the
2011 calendar:'
Their enthusiasm for their subject
shows, with images that jump off
the page. From igloo lovin' at the
Arctic Circle, to a sweltering jungle
hook-up, to a couple of all-American
softball dykes making out on home
plate, the calendar stylishly captures
images of women loving women,
the world over.
The I Love Global Girls
calendar offers 365
days of sexy, with
these globe-trotting
images of Sapphic
seduction.
ii
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the rundown
Of course, allthe models featured are
openly queer, and share their personal
stories of living and loving women
internationally. "On the website, they
talk about their global adventures,
including what country scores high~
est when it comes to lesbian love and
which destination is tops for kisses
and loving other lasses;' says Attura.
After the huge success of their
two previous calendars, Attura and
Mercury have no difficulty finding
beautiful queer women who want to
pose for them-in fact, they receive
messages from eager hopefuls daily.
But in the beginning, it wasn't as
easy." Mercury and I would trawl the
clubs, approaching girls we liked the
look 0£ We looked like a right pair of
desperados, and some thought it was
[jJ'
w
f-
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a:
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just a chat~up line;' jokes Attura.
For Mercury, casting is all about
maintaining beauty and diversity.
"We like to use a diverse selection of
models, so black, white, tall, small. ..
we are trying to break some of those
stereotypical ideas society has of
what a lezza looks like:'
The future of I Love London
Girls looks bright; in addition to the
I Love Global Girls calendar, their
first feature film is in the works.
The aim of the film, as with all their
projects, is to 'give lesbians visibility
in the mainstream and to challenge
stereotypes;' explains Attura. She also
hopes that the calendar will inspire
women to "be adventurous, go out
and explore. And above all be proud!"
Shatto]
(ilovelondongirls.com)[Rachel
Lesbian hockey fans have something
to cheer about: On Nov. 8, 2010, out
lesbian AngelaJameswas one of the
first two women to be inducted into
the HockeyHallof Fame.A pioneer
in Canadian women's hockey, James
was part of the first Team Canada,
winner of the inaugural women's
world championship in Ottawa in
1990. A homophobic controversy
led to her being dropped from Canada's first Olympic
the
Women's Hockey team in 1998... CrystalSimmons,
principal of the Academy for Social Action in N.Y.C.,
went to police after her affair with Assistant Principal
CandyJonesturned sour. Simmons says she went to
the authorities after Jones threatened to kill her. Both
women have been removed from the school and face
possible termination because of alleged sexual contact
a teacher in the
during school hours ... LouiseYeoman,
U.K.,faces jail time after pleading guilty to 10 charges
connected to a sexual relationship she carried on over
a period of nearly two years with a 15~year~old female
student ... After her wedding announcement ran in
a local newspaper, LaineTadlock(right), a lesbian
University,
educator at Benedictine
in Springfield, Ill.,was forced into
early retirement by the adminis~
tration at the Catholic university.
The university reportedly
received community complaints
after the announcement ran, and
in a statement said, "Some aspects of her orientation
were incompatible with Catholic beliefs, specifically
domestic partnership with another woman:' ... Recently
Lesbian
released data from the U.S.NationalLongitudinal
FamilyStudy,the longest~running
study of American lesbian families,
shows that zeropercentof the
children interviewed as part of
the study reported physical or
sexual abuse by a parent. Also of
interest, only 2.8 percent of the
kids considered themselves to
be predominantly or exclusively
homosexual. .. In 2002, Sarah,
a 27 ~year~old Nigerian lesbian, was caught with her
girlfriend by her uncle. In response, she was raped,
threatened with female genital mutilation, and forced
to undergo a "spiritual deliverance:' Now living in
the U.K.,Sarah is fighting deportation back to Nigeria,
where she believes she will be killed because of her sexual
orientation. According to a recent survey, 97percent of
Nigerians believe that homosexuality should be rejected
Lowrey]
by society. [Sassafras
::;
January/February
2011
I 15
HONORARY
LIFETIME
LESBIAN
EMBERSHI
OUTINFRONT
Advocates
for Justice
These two women
push for progress.
By Sheryl Kay
NewEnglandLegalEagle
There are many heroes behind Vermont's
successful Freedom to Marry campaign, not
the least of whom is attorney BethRobinson.
Back in 1995, she and her law partner, Susan
Murray, first met with a gay couple who
wanted to marry.
"Their constitutional claims were compelling, but we needed to lay a foundation through
grassroots and political advocacy before
taking a case to court;' says Robinson. And
so began her 15-year civil rights odyssey, and sharing the reality of our lives;' says
which eventually lead to Vermont's groundRobinson. "Our job is to create an environbreaking legislative action regarding LGBT
ment in which the perception and the reality
is that it's a politically safe thing to do. That
civil unions and marriage.
means we have to tell those same stories over
According to Robinson, the era of marriage
equality is just beginning. The biggest chal- the watercooler at work, at the neighborlenge is political caution-born
of fear hood picnic, in our local newspapers, and to
among the legislators. Even if a majority of our families:'
their constituents support something, explains
The marriage battle appears to be won in
Robinson, many elected leaders would rather
Vermont (which legalized same-sex marriage
avoid a topic that's likely to inflame a com- in 2009 when legislators overrode the governor's veto to enact it), but Robinson notes
mitted minority.
"Our job isn't just to persuade legislators
the importance of having those supportive
that it's the right thing to do-we can do that
legislators re-elected, and now she is also
focusing some of her advocacy work on issues
relatively easily by simply telling our stories
that affect transgender individuals.
"Vermont has a gender-identity-inclusive
nondiscrimination law, but we still have lots
of work to do, especially around access to
health care;' she says.
FindingHerReligion
Dr.AlexisPaulineGumbssays she has always
been drawn to, and transformed by, revolutionary black women. She grew up with
a single mother who faced myriad oppressions, and Gumbs many times faced down
her own demons as the only black student in
an all-white classroom.
"Black feminism has become my spiritual
practice and a resource that I lift up in all of
my diverse communities because it resonates
with what I know to be true: Our gendered,
classed, raced, abelist, sexual differences
are used against us in capitalism, which
is a violence against all of us;' she says. "In
reality, our differences are resources for the
transformation of our communities, our
lives, and the meaning of life:'
Those who are oppressed because of
gender, race, and sexuality face specific
challenges that remain invisible to people
who are not similarly burdened. Lesbians
and queer women of color, Gumbs notes,
definitely experience racism within LGBT
spaces as well.
Havingjust completed her Ph.D. at Duke
University, the 28-year-old Gumbs is now on
the road with her MobileHomeComing, an
experiential archive project using multimedia
tools to amplify the brilliance of black lesbian
and queer women (including transgender
women), gender nonconforming people, and
trans men, and to create intergenerational
community.
"Listen to older people who have dedicated
their lives to make change, or even older folks
who have seen the same problems persist for
decades;' advises Gumbs. "I think that being
able to see beyond our own lifetimes activates us and empowers us to be intentional
and involved:' ■
January/February
2011 117
LESBOFILE
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
This month is all about hot women
and hot messes. By Jocelyn Voo
The NameGame
In other marital news, power couple Ellen
DeGeneresand Portiade Rossinow legally
share the same last name. Portia's request
to take her wife's surname was granted in
September, and in classic fashion DeGeneres
took to her Twitter account to joke, "I just got
some amazing news. The court has granted
Portia's name change. She's now officially
Portia Winfrey:'
Whata GirlWants
When singer ChristinaAguileragot hitched
to marketing exec Jordan Bratman in 2002,
it seemed the Grammy Award-winning
singer had acquired a classier, more grownup image than the one from her days
of black-and-blond
hair extensions and
leather ass-less chaps. However, now that
the couple has filed for divorce, some are
wondering whether Aguilera ever really did
ditch her dirrrty past entirely.
A source tells RadarOnline.com that"the
couple had an open marriage when it came
to Christina's lust for women," and Aguilera
would reportedly send bodyguards to hit
on prospective women in bars, saying, "My
boss would really like you:' And, really,
who's to deny what a girl wants, when it's
Christina Aguilera?
WeddingBells
Looks like two more ladies are off the market.
It's wedding bells for Iron Chef Cat Coraand
her domestic partner, Jennifer. Cora, who
parents four sons with her partner (cue "bun
in the oven'' jokes), told E! Online, "One day
1s
I curve
Sex,Liesand Videotape
The lady doth protest
too much, wethinks: Tila
Tequila,who earlier this
year signed a deal with
Vivid Entertainment
to
star in her own porn video,
claims she's being extorted
over a years-old sex tape
she made with a boyfriend
before she became famous.
The fame-starved Tequila
has armed herself with a
lawyer, and sent a message
to her old flame through
RadarOnline.com: "Ex-lover, you better hold
onto that sex tape, because that's the only sex
you'll get to watch once you're sent to jail!"
Is Christina Aguilera in the family?
we're definitely going to go to the judge, take
all our boys, go in front of the justice of the
peace or have a wedding. Our 10-year anniversary is coming up next year. Maybe then
we'll do a beach wedding or renew our vows:'
Belated congratulations also go out to
actor KellyMcGillis,probably best known as
Tom Cruise's hottie in Top Gun, and girlfriend Melanie Leis, who tied the knot this
past September.
TeamBella
For every tweenybopper swooning over [
Robert Pattinson, there's a girl lusting after ~
KristenStewart-and Fuck Yeah Krisbians!, ~
a T umblr blog created by a 17 -year-old fan g
~
in Mexico, is testament to that.
~
An assortment of photos, animated gifs, ~
and Twilight-relatedQ&As, the blog is a fan ;
site for straight girls who find themselves not ~
only on Team Bella, but possibly on another ~
z
team altogether. "I see Kristen being Kristen ~
and all of a sudden, I feel so lesbian, like if ~
I was dating him, I would give up Ian fuck- ~
ing Somerhalder just for her. Then I look g
at some other girl and well it just doesn't
happen;' the blogger writes. "So I guess that ~
w
fmakes me a Krisbian. And I am so fucking ~
proud of it:'
Anyone else? ■
i
She Said
"My knees went weak and I
felt like I was shot through the
heart with an arrow."
- Portia DeGeneresto The
Australian Women's Weeklyon falling
in love with Ellen
"Oh my god. I saw a picture of me from the
early '90s, and I was like, Oh, the freakin' mullet!
Chris [Evert] had the mullet, too, and she's not
even gay! The mullet should be outlawed."
- Martina Navratilovato VanityFair
w
fI
~
z
::::;
w
~
a:
ai
STARS
Winter Heat
Spread the warmth this season.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan. 20)
Sex:A mystery woman makes your life much more
interesting. Think you know who she is? Nope, guess
You are at the epicenter of the corporate
again. Career:
action and find yourself meeting and greeting the
highest folks in the power elite. Don't wear plaid.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Sex:Gal pals come to the rescue and pull you out of
your funk. Is there one particular bosom buddy who
pulls on your heartstrings as well? Career:You see
where you want to be. Move carefully and stealthily to
get yourself into the best professional position.
Pisces(Feb.20-March20)
Sex:Will you find love in the supply closet at work?
Anything is possible, but be careful of all those pointy
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan. 20)
pencils and nosey co-workers. Career:Girlfriends in
SapphicCapsare not the most
sexuallyexperimentalfolks and high places give you a helping hand up the corporate
maycomeout laterthan most ladder. See how high you can climb before you decide
signs.Butdon't givethis gal to jump off.
shortshrift;thereis no more
considerateloveraround.She Aries(March21-April 20)
evenremembersbirthdaysand Sex:You fall head over heels for a spicy stranger. Will
anniversaries
with fabulouslittle you have to seek her out, or will she find you? Get
goodies.Buildup her confi- out there and mingle. There is plenty of time to play
denceandtell her (truthfully) peekaboo later. Career:Your career is red hot and so
howwonderfulandsexyshe is are you. But don't take any dramatic over-the-top risks
andshewill blossomlike a rare
that will eventually leave you out in the cold.
orchid.Thisis the womanwho
agesbeautifully.Treatherwell
Taurus(April21-May 21)
andyou'll havesomehot stuff to
warmyou in yourold age. Sex:Sexy Sapphic Bulls know how to give and take.
Let's see how many ladies are able to take all that you
Feeling
are
prepared to give-and give. Whew! Career:
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb. 19)
bored
and
hemmed
in
at
work?
Travel
will
lead
Aquariangalstend to gravitate
to unusualtypes,the more you astray now. And that is the point! So get going.
unusualthe better.Theymay
becomeboredwith yourstandard Gemini(May22-June21)
varietyof middlerange,blend Sex:Partnerships blossom and only get better through
in with the crowd,sweet Sues. the next few weeks. If you are in the market, ring in
Thatis not to saythat this sister your new year with a few new ring-a-dingers and
travelswith a menagerie,but
You get to know about a few
make some noise. Career:
generallyspeaking,her gal pals
behind-the-scenes political plots at work. See how you
area motleycrewof freethinkers
and great mindsthat comein can manipulate the system to give you more days offvery differentpackages. with pay.
Cancer(June22-July 23)
Sex:Eat right and start a new exercise regime. It will
have immediate benefits and make you too sexy for
20
I curve
words. Career:Business relationships will prove to
be pivotal to your corporate success. As they say, it
is not what you know, but who you know. And you
know ... who?
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
Sex: You are a party-hearty animal and can gain
entrance into the most exclusive affairs. Does that
mean you will now have some exclusive affairs? Are
Not only will you be especially
you that choosey? Career:
busy at work, but you'll also accomplish more than
you think you can-if you put your mind to it. Ah,
that is the challenge.
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
Sex:It is time to spread out the welcome mat. Lure your
lovergrrl home and see how she fits into your domestic
agenda. You may need to vacuum later. Career:The
office party continues into 2011. Advance your corporate takeover while everyone else is distracted.
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Sex:Say what is on your mind and see if it gets you
what you want. Sometimes it's the packaging and not
the contents that gets you through the door. So deliver
it with 00mph. Career:Find ways to work from home
now. Not only will you be more productive, but you'll
also enjoy your co-workers more.
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Sex:Spoil her with gaudy baubles and see if she will
then share her gaudy baubles with you. Hey, who says
It takes courage to climb
money can't buy love? Career:
the corporate ladder and you have plenty of courage
now. Hurry and make your best moves while your
moxie moves you forward.
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.22)
Sex:You are adored by hundreds of admirers. But
you don't need hundreds. You just need one. This is
the time to make a decision and stick to her. Career:
Is it bonus season? Expect a little extra in your paycheck for all your hard work. You have been working
s:hard, right? ■
~
z
~
AstrologerCharlene
Lichtenstein
is theauthorof
Herscopes:
A GuidetoAstrology
for Lesbians.
Get moreat thestarryeye.
comorcheckoutherblogat
thestarryeye.
typepad.com.
(.)
~
t::
0
(/)
:::)
0
~
SCENE
Parties for Her Celebrate equal rights with
HRC's Her parties. By Merryn Johns
Capitalizing on the success of its inaugural year, the Her HRC program returns with
this year's theme: One Celebration. One Weekend. For Women.
What, exactly, is Her HRC? Imagine this: On the same night, in 31 cities all over the
country, women are invited to the hottest nightclubs with the best DJs and entertainment
to celebrate their sexuality and rally support for the struggle for equality. These coast-tocoast parties have been designed specifically by HRC for lesbians and, held primarily on
the weekend ofJan.16, these celebrations cumulatively reach between 6,000 and 10,000
women. And, yes, it is as amazing as it sounds. So, why not join the festivities this year?
The Big Apple beckons you on Sunday, Jan. 17 to hip nightclub and lounge, LQ. Grab
a sizzling slice of New York nightlife and party with hot women and DJ Susan Levine.
The veteran mistress of the decks is well-known for N.Y.C:s Gay Pride Women's pier
dance, Rapture On The River as well as legendary Fire Island venues."! give my time
and support to HRC because HRC gives the LGBT community a powerful voice in the
political and social arena;' Levine told curve. "It is time for us to have equal rights:'
At a typical Her HRC party Levine says we can expect "some of the best women's
events in the country. HRC picks some of the most amazing venues, with thousands of
women in attendance:' It's also affordable, with a cover charge of $10 in advance, $20 at
the door and the ticket price includes an annual HRC membership.
All parties are tailored to the local communities while featuring our best and brightest,
and high profile friends such as Crystal Chappell. Themes range from dance parties, to
bachelorette auctions, to battle of the bands, plus prizes galore. For a full listing of events
and to purchase tickets visit hrc.org/herhrc. ■
WE'VEGOTTHEPOWER!
Celebrities,guestsandhonoreescame
out to celebratePowerUp's10th
AnnualPowerPremiereGalahonoring
amazingout gaywomenand menin
showbizon Nov.7, 2010at Voyeurin
WestHollywood.
Thecelebrity-studded
cocktailpartysaw guestsentertained
by comedianGloriaBigelowincluding:
(1) ClementineFord,ArielShepherdOppenheim,
(2) GregLouganis,DJ
NovaJade,(3) StacyCodikow,Betty
DeGeneres,
SteveTyler,(4) Meredith
Baxter,(5) KateFrench,MalayaDrew,
AlexKondrackeandColetteBurson,
alongwithTabathaCoffey,Savannah
Dooley,ElizabethSarnoff,Kirsten
Vangsness,
JamieBabbit,Angela
Robinson,
AndreaSperling,Michelle
Lombardoandmanymore.
(powerupfilms.
org)
January/February
2011
I 21
Life's Too Short to Argue Over Oreos
My partner is a secret glutton
By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My partner and I have been together for 37
years, and she is a closet eater. If there is something she really likescookies, candy kisses, pizza-she won't tell me that she is eating the
last slice or piece. She won't share. I find out by finding crumbs in the
bed or candy wrappers on the dresser. I told her that she has a problem
and we need to talk about her issues with sharing, and she told me I
have the problem and not to make a big deal out of it. Who is right?
-Concerned About Crumbs
Lipstick:Well, this is a first. I have a smile
on my face right now because this question
is a great departure from the usual lezzie
lot. Neither of you is wrong, or right. To
Lipstick, you simply sound like an old bick~
ering couple, one who has mastered the art of
lesbian longevity (kudos on 37 years, by the
way). Because you've lasted so long, it's some~
what laughable that you've written in about
this. My advice: Let her eat the cookies. Go to
the store and buy some more. Life's too short
to argue over Oreos.
Dipstick:Lipstick, you've got it all wrong.
Closet eating is not simply about not wanting
to share. This could be a serious eating disor~
der and will only get worse if left untreated.
Closet eaters eat in private because they feel
their food choices are beingjudged by others.
Yes, Concerned, your partner has a problem,
and, like Lipstick, you are wrong in how
you're approaching it. You can't shame her
into changing. In fact, shame may very well
be what drove her to hide her eating in the
first place. She knows she has a problem. She
is just not willing to admit it to you yet. Show
her love and compassion, and encourage
her to see a doctor or a therapist about this
before it becomes a serious health issue.
DearLipstickandDipstick:My girlfriendwants
to datemefor the restof my life.Shesaysthat
shelovesme morethananyonepossiblycould,
but has no intentionof livingwith me. Ever.I
can'tfinda singlebookor articleaboutanyone
221
curve
who has everdonethis before.Look,I'm sure
she'sthe one I want to be with-we've been
togetherthreeyears-but I'm notsureI canbe
withsomeone
who'ssoopposed
toeverwanting
to live with me. I don't want to be 80 and a
neighbor.
Help?-Livin'Alone
Lipstick:What in the Sam Hill is this about?
It's either (a) she's a total commitment~
phobe, (b) she's totally not in love with you,
or (c) she's hiding something, like maybe
she's a koumpounophobic
and is deathly
afraid of buttons.
Lipstick:No, no, no, Livin: I like your girl~
friend! I think she has the right idea. Why
in the world would two people want to live
together when they can each have their own
space, keep it as dirty or tidy as they want,
never have to worry about someone using
the last of the toilet paper or vapor rub? I
know several gay male couples who prefer
this arrangement, and it seems to work
just great for them. If anything, lesbians
get too enmeshed, and living apart is the
perfect solution. This way, you can watch a
marathon of all three seasons of Temptation
Island, store your motorcycle in the living
room, or convert the spare room into a ferret
rescue sanctuary and she can't complain about
it. Since she won't like the ferret smell, you'll
always meet at her house for sex and you never
have to worry about changing the sheets. It's
the best of both worlds.
Lipstick:Who wants to wake up alone for
the rest of her life? Early~morning spooning
and sunrise pillow talk are the marrow of
Lipstick & Dipstick
intimacy-that's
the glue that binds us. If I
were you, Livin' Alone, I'd take a hard look
at your situation and search for someone
who wants to start a real, fully integrated life
with you, not a casual, She's Just Not That
Into You fling.
DearLipstickandDipstick:I'm bi,andmarried
to a man.It makesit hardfor meto meetgirls.
I comefroma verysmalltown,andpeopleare
just now startingto comeout of the closet.
Evenso,it's stillhardfor me.I'm lipstickandI
likemygirlsgirly,too.I'm reallyshy,sotheonly
flirtingI dois onMySpace
(yeah,I know,lame),
butit's hardto tellwho'sgayorcurious.
I don't
wantto makea moveandhavehernotbe into
me.Howdo I get myselfoutthere?-Stuckin
Straightville
Lipstick:Well, before we dish on how to
troll for lipsticks, let's talk about this little
thing called a husband. Does he know that
you're signing up for extracurricular activi-
ties? If not, tell him. Talk honestly. You'll
enjoy the ride far more if you have a paid
ticket. Besides, you owe this to your partner.
Maybe he'd be into it: Maybe he'd want to
join in, or watch! If the idea of him being a
third makes you want to tear your eyes out
ADVICE
in coming-out camp. Although you don't
identify as straight, that ring and the man
attached to it are going to confuse them. Have
you thought about how you plan to address
the husband issue, when you finally get up
the nerve to hit on the girly-girl? I guess there
"I've never been to Straightville, but from what I
understand it's nowhere near as fun as Lesbiatopia."
with your wedding ring, perhaps he'll just
let you do what you need to do. Pony up to
your hubby, Straightville, before you strap on
a pink pony.
Dipstick:
I've never been to Straightville, but
from what I understand it's nowhere near
as fun as Lesbiatopia. So getting a girl to
leave, even for a visit, is probably going to be
a challenge. Besides, most lesbians learned
the mantra "Stay away from straight girls"
might be a gal out there who is desperate
enough to play pokey-pokey with you, but do
us all a favor and be straight (pun intended)
about the ol' ball and chain when you make
your move. And no, MySpace isn't lame. But
you'll probably get more action from craigslist
or a swinger-friendly hookup site. ■
Tune in to curvemag.com/lipstickanddipstick@
to watch the The Lipstick & Dipstick Show. l!liill
Or, write to tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
~.
FQ\JNT~INQ~OVE
LQDQE
The community you've imagined...at !tut.
an LGBT Retirement Community
Fountaingrove Lodge is the first LGBT senior community in the
nation to offer five star living at its finest. From gourmet dining and
concierge services to spa treatments and housekeeping, the attentive staff
will cater to your every need. Reserve your new home on our gorgeous
ten-acre campus with golf course, oak grove, or mountain views
in the heart of Sonoma County. Retirement living for our community,
with the dignity and respect you deserve.
■
■
■
■
Fine Dining
Cocktail Lounge
■ Outdoor Pool
Wme Cave and Cellar
Onsite Care/Wellness Center
■ Fitness Center
■
Movie Theatre
■
Salon & Day Spa
Pet Park
■
4
Entrance Fee.1ranging from: $295,000- $925,000
Monthly Fee.1.;tarting at $2,395
January/February
2011
I 23
ADVICE Relationships
A Kosher Connection
Ten things you always wanted to ask a lesbian yenta.
By Merryn Johns
Lesbian yenta Dr. Frankie Bashan made her
first successful match when she was 12 years
old. "I introduced my father to my step~
mother. She was my eye doctor. Now, they
have three children and 21 years of marriage:'
For Bashan, a Jewish woman born and raised
in Manhattan, the road to becoming a yenta
began with a doctorate in clinical psychology,
but soon she found she had a deeper desire
to help people find true love. Identifying
a particular need, she created Little Gay
Book-a dating service steeped in the yenta
tradition-just
for us. "There's such a need
for these services in the LGBT community. I
think many gays and lesbians internalize the
skepticism that we are incapable of building
and sustaining lifelong monogamous relation~
ships. I want to help people create stable,
healthy relationships and families that represent
all aspects of our queer community:' Now,
Bashan is drawing back the curtain to give
us a peek at what it takes to be a matchmaker
and offering tips to help us find Miss Right.
grass is greener" interferes with our ability to
stay focused and work hard on what we've
already developed, especially when it feels
too difficult to keep working at it. I've seen a
rash oflong~term lesbian couples and families
break up recently.It takes a special combination
of chemistry, trust, loyalty, honesty, respect
and compassion to build and happily main~
tain a life together.
Just under 50 percent of first marriages
end in divorce, as do 66 percent of second
marriages and 70 percent of third marriages!
These stats should give people motivation
to work on the relationship they've already
established before throwing in the towel
so quickly.
What'sthe biggestobstacleto findinglove?
Ourselves! People have to be willing to step
out of their comfort zones. We're creatures of
habit and tend to repeat unsuccessful patterns
throughout our lives. That's why relationship
You'rea professional
matchmaker.
Canmatchmakingactuallybetaught?
A great matchmaker must have an innate
ability to relate to people, to tune in to intuition
and have a deep understanding of human
behavior and psychology. Clients often pres~
ent me with a list of qualities they want in
a mate, but what they want and what they
need are often different. There is a great deal
of scientific research about how brain chem~
istry changes when you first start dating, how
it changes when you become physically inti~
mate, and how it affects your perception of the
person you just began dating. Matchmaking
is a fascinating blend of intuition, emotional
intelligence and science.
"Onlylesbiansandswansmatefor life."goes
the saying.Dolesbiansmatefor life or is that
a myth?
Don't forget about the turtle dove! I am a
strong proponent of monogamy and abso~
lutely believe we are capable of mating for
life. Unfortunately, our culture is all about
instant gratification. The concept of "the
24
I curve
:,,:::
~
~
_J
ix:
w
I
u
coaching combined with matchmaking tends
to be so successful. People's expectations are
often unrealistic. As a culture, we're fixated
on appearance and sometimes set up barriers
to getting to know someone who may be an
excellent match because they have one feature
or trait that you consider unacceptable.
You'vebeen marriedfor eight years.If you
hadn'tmet yourwife wouldyou haveuseda
matchmaker?
I was in my early 20s when I met my wife,
so I wasn't really in the stage of life where I
was searching for a life partner. But if I still
hadn't met Miss Right when I got to that
stage in my life, I most certainly would consult
a matchmaker.
naturally higher on a first date, sometimes
so high that it prevents people from showing
their true personality. Dating is a skill and
takes practice, like anything else.
ality, interests, and many other areas of
compatibility. It is important for my client
to provide honest postdate feedback. From
there, I refine and continue my search. I
"I think many gays and lesbiansinternalizethe
skepticismthat we are incapableof buildingand
sustaininglifelongmonogamousrelationships."
What'sthe mostunusuallovestoryyouever
heard?
I'm a sucker for tradition and have reverence
for old~fashioned love stories. During World
War II, my grandfather was stationed over~
seas for four years. Before leaving the U.S.,
Is therea righttimeandwayto meetTheOne? he married my grandmother and promised to
I wouldn't say there is a "right" time, but you
return and start a family together. For four
can certainly do things to optimize your
years, they did not see each other. Their only
chances. It's important to practice self care
contact was the letters they wrote each other
and have a certain amount of introspection.
daily. Amazingly, they were able to build
Organized sports or activity groups can be
their relationship, and when he returned
great ways to meet people. Friends of friends
they picked up where they had left off and
often end up connecting. Speed dating is a had two beautiful daughters. They were
blast and I think the potential is definitely
married happily for 50 years, until my grand~
there. I'm reading a book right now that says
mother passed away.
a person unconsciously makes a decision
Howdoesyourmatchmaking
service,LittleGay
about someone within the first two seconds
Book,work?
of meeting them. Your instincts about
people are often right. Online dating is a The benefit of my service is that it is person~
alized, professional and confidential. There
great resource but can definitely be a time
are two groups of people I work with: My
drain, because you have to cast a wide net
paying clients, who hire me to screen and
to get a response.
handpick introductions for them, and the
Whatare the mostcommonmistakeswomen folks in my database. There is no charge to be
makeona firstdate?
a member of my database, and this is where
Oversharing. Don't talk about exes, dysfunc~
I generally begin the searching for intro~
tional family members, childhood traumas,
ductions for my clients. I handpick every
etc. Mystery and intrigue are a good thing.
individual that I match with a client.
If I can't find a suitable match in my data~
I don't mean in a game~playing way, but let
base, I start pounding the pavement. For
your story unfold naturally. Oh, and that
every face~to~face hour with a client, I do
whole U~Haul thing? Leave it in your garage.
Don't rush into things or you'll smother each
about seven to 10 hours of work behind the
scenes. I recruit potential introductions
other and extinguish the flame prematurely.
I also recommend that clients go on a for my clients based on referrals and from
contacts I make at various social functions.
second date if they are at least 50 percent
My selections are based on lifestyle, person~
interested in the person. Anxiety levels are
maintain the highest level of privacy for my
paying clients, as well as the individuals in
my database.
What'sthe most commonquestionyou are
asked?
"How soon is too soon to start dating again
after the breakup of a long~term relation~
ship?" I think it depends a large amount on
the condition of your last relationship. If
your relationship felt stale and loveless for
some time prior to the actual end, then most
likely you will need less time than if you are
fresh out of a relationship that you were
happy in. The true test is to be very aware of
how you feel when you go on a date. Are you
present? Are you able to connect with the
person? If you feel emotionally unavailable,
that's a pretty clear indicator that you need
more time to heal. I do believe that it's impor~
tant to get out of your comfort zone and try
to go out. It might feel too early, but it is an
important part of the healing process.
Whatwouldyousayto womenwhostill can't
findMs.Right?
It's easy to become jaded and frustrated,
but try and keep an open mind. Expand
your social network, try something new.
Introspection and, occasionally, coaching,
if needed, are key. Many people are afraid
to look in the mirror and examine their
own limitations. Work toward becoming
the healthiest, most attractive, confident
woman that you can be. Confidence is sexy.
And if all else fails, I'm always here to help!
(littlegaybook.com)■
January/February
2011
I 25
My Baby's Got a Secret
How to live with a closeted partner.
By Emily Wilcox
Some lesbians bust the closet doors off their
hinges and never look back. Others, how~
ever, refuse to come out at all. While every
dyke should be allowed to make her own
decision about how and when to declare her
gayness to the world, things can get a little
tricky for the partner whose girlfriend is still
clinging to mothballs. It can be difficult to be
out when the one you love is emphatically
in. The good news is that you don't have to
let her dirty, little secret be the end of your
relationship. Here are six tips to help your
romance survive the closet.
1. Don'ttake it personally.If she loved you,
she would come out, right? Wrong.
Her decision to remain under the lesbian
radar has absolutely nothing to do with
you. It does not mean that you aren't good
enough. The ideal that love should be able to
transcend all other considerations is merely
that-an ideal.
2. Remember,the fear of rejectioncan be
terrifying. Childhood trauma can precede
reactionary drama. And these days, imag~
ining the reactions in our churches, in our
26
I curve
families, and even in the workplace can make
it awfully scary to come out. The fear of
rejection is so omnipresent that it can keep
some people stuck in the closet for a very
long time-sometimes
years. Explain gently
to your partner that if fear stopped everyone
dead in their tracks then everyone would be
dead in their tracks.
at weddings and dinner parties, anywhere in
public.
Choose to look at the good-perspective
is our choice and our birthright. Observe,
take note and pay close attention to the
positive aspects about her. Surely, she has
many. After all, you're not staying with her
for the PDA.
3. Be realistic about your expectations. 5. Supporther,don'tforceher.When helping
Fighting over your need for public affection
from a partner who is still living in the closet is
about as much fun as a root canal. No woman
should attempt to change her partner or girl~
friend. Offer all the support in the world, but
it is never wise to stay in a relationship based
on the hope that your closeted girlfriend will
change. Ask yourself this question: If she
never changed, would I stay? If the answer is
no, then it's time to move on.
her in looking for a good time to come out,
remember that every moment is considered
perfect; the question is: Is it perfect for her?
She could possibly lose the support of
her family, so it's important that you don't
pressure her or make her feel guilty. Instead,
introduce her to friends who have already
come out, have a little dinner party and ask
them to share the positives that came from
it. Supporting her without judgment can go
along way.
4. Bewareof resentment.The out lesbian
in the relationship usually tends to let the
resentment build up. She may find herself
always looking for how, when and where her
partner is going to disappoint her or let her
down-at
family gatherings, on vacations,
6. Lead by example.If you are living your
N
best and most fulfilling life by simply being ~
you, a proud lesbian, she will see that. It's
not what you say, it's what you do that will ;
encourage her. ■
g
g
I TRIED
IT
Hypnotized Into Health
walking down a long flight of steps. I noticed
my words getting slower and further apart,
and my voice seemed to come from a distance.
When it became too much of an effort to
keep counting out loud, I counted silently.
While I didn't feel particularly hypnotized, I certainly was relaxed. Isabella began
by reminding me that I could be wise and
compassionate toward my body and sel£
Although I realized that she was deliberately
leading my thinking, I didn't resist. After all,
she was quoting my own words back to me.
It was true: There were times when I hadn't
suffered from compulsive eating. I could be
like that again! In fact, she said, I was like
that-healthy, calm, wise-even now.
Then she began mythologizing my as-yetunrealized success by tying it in with my
actual achievements in the past, telling me
things that weren't actually true but sounded
charmingly agreeable. "You got your master's
with pride-was working.
She told me that I enjoyed moving my
body, that I felt at home and natural in the
water. I could relish the sensation of being
buoyed up. If anyone were looking at me, she
went on, they would think how good it was
that I was moving in helpful, healthy ways.
"You love to do what is right for you;' she
said, and I believed it.
For the next 18 months or so, I felt as
good as I ever have. I took many long walks,
swam three times a week and once a month
would swim an entire mile. I lost my addiction
to sugar and shed over 30 pounds. More
importantly, I felt lighter and stronger. One
day, changing at the gym, I happened to see
my nude torso in a mirror and I almost didn't
recognize it because it looked so normal.
But then, over the next several years, I took
some indulgent vacations, and after each one
I came home heavier than when I'd left. My
dogs died, so I took fewer walks and I didn't
go to the gym as often. I gained back nearly
half the excess weight.
Now, I still sometimes eat compulsively
when I'm stressed, but it's easier for me to
forgive myself and return to healthy ways. I
degree in exercise physiology;' she said. "You
excelled in your studies:' I laughed a little, but
I went where she was taking me, even when
she asserted, ridiculously, "Later, you went on
and got your Ph.D. in how to treat yourself
well:' Her technique-to
replace my shame
regularly do gentle yoga or go swimming.
I consider the hypnotherapy to have been
partly successful, and I think a refresher
session would reinforce its good effects. In
fact, I've got an appointment with Isabella
next week. ■
You are feeling very ... healthy. By Gillian Kendall
Dr. Ivan* looked and sounded just like
a vampire. As I lay apprehensively on his
couch, he droned in a rich, Romanian accent,
"You are feeling very relaxed, very sleepy:' Part
of me wanted to laugh, but soon most of me
was feeling very relaxed, very sleepy... very
hypnotized. While I was in that receptive
state, Dr. Ivan convinced me that I was free of
the fear of my ex, who had been cyberstalking
me. In just an hour, I lost the worry that had
for years interfered with my ability to work
or sleep.
If hypnosis could cure my deepest anxiety,
I thought it probably could help with my issues
about food, too. But Dr. Ivan cost $150 per
session, whereas my employee health plan
offered hypnotism at no charge.
My first session with the lovely,very French
Jungian Isabella*included no hypnosis. Instead,
she asked me to talk about the memories I
associated with eating, exercise, and my body.
Isabella had the softest, most gentle voice I'd
ever heard, and her cooing tone relaxed me
even as I described my deepest issues.
I explained how growing up in an athletic
family, I had felt inadequate and unattractive.
I described teenage years of confusion and
of sexual misadventures. No wonder, we
concluded, that as an adult lesbian I dreaded
drawing attention to my body. I felt selfconscious in my swimsuit, fearing that men
at the pool would look at me and see me as
ugly or, worse, overweight.
Isabella asked me about the times when I'd
been comfortable with my shape. She would
murmur,"How lovely;' or"How good that is;'
when I described times I'd eaten healthily and
felt good about my body. She asked about
other, unrelated achievements-which
in my
case were largely academic.
In our second session, I took off my shoes
and lay back on a recliner. Soft rain pattered
outside, and I focused on a picture of a shimmering green forest as Isabella suggested
how I might hypnotize myself. Eyes shut, I
counted backward from 100 and visualized
*Nameshavebeenchanged.
January/February
2011
I 27
POLITICS
Saving Lesbian Lives This Year
Make your New Year's resolution to be a humanitarian. By Victoria A. Brownworth
In 2010, I nearly died. Proximity to a hospital,
medical insurance (albeit not good insurance)
and my wife and friends saved my life.
That and being fortunate enough to live in
a country that doesn't put lesbians to death.
Lesbians worldwide are in life-threatening
situations every day-often being raped and
tortured simply because they are lesbians.
And when these women do succumb, most
of us in the West don't even realize that
they've died, horrifyingly, due to state-sponsored terrorism against queers.
In more than half the world, just declaring
one's queerness-as
my wife and I do when
I enter the hospital-is
itself a life-threatening act.
2s
I curve
In April 2010, Iranian-born lesbian Kiana
Firouz applied for asylum in the U.K.
Homosexuality is against the law in Iran and
punishable by public flogging, followed by
imprisonment. Further offense is punishable
by death. Firouz was denied asylum and is
still fighting to stay in the U.K.
In 2010, new legislation was passed in
Uganda-a
relatively Westernized African
nations, but one that has become virulently
anti-queer in recent years-making
homosexuality a capital offense. In October 2010,
a list of the country's 100 "top" queers was
published on the front page of the daily newspapers. Along with the names were addresses
and photos with headline: "Hang Them:'
In the West, Africa has long been in the
news over poverty and AIDS, but the civil
rights status of women and queers has been
reported on less widely. In Africa, 29 countries have laws making homosexuality a
crime punishable by imprisonment or death.
Women are regularly threatened with death
for adultery and lesbianism. Each year, more
nations are adding these laws to the booksjust as Uganda and Burundi did in 2010.
Recently, witnesses claim that rape is being
used against lesbians in Sudan, Zambia, and
the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
In late summer of 2010, guests at a gay
wedding in Mtwapa, Kenya, were arrested,
and Muslim and Christian groups led by
Sheikh Ali Hussein organized protests and
mobs to rout queers from the area, threatening
to burn them alive.
Homosexuality
is against the law in
Kenya and punishable by at least 14 years
in prison. There are 85 other countries that
make homosexuality an offense punishable
by imprisonment. In addition to Uganda
and Iran, six other countries have the death
penalty for homosexual acts.
Honor killings of women have long been
practiced in many Muslim nations, but
Human Rights Watch has noted that honor
killings of lesbians and gays is a new concern
in Turkey, where East and West meet in
an often~uneasy alliance,. Will this affect
Turkey's attempts to join the E.U.?
Anti~queer legislation and mob rule are
not solely the purview of Africa, the Middle
East and Eurasia, however. Jamaica and
Costa Rica-two
major vacation destina~
tions for U.S. queers-are
among the most
dangerous countries for their own natives.
Lesbians have sought asylum in the U.S. and
the U.K. from Jamaica, where rape has become
a means to "cure" queer women.
According to Human Rights Watch and
the UN Council on Women, a growing
proportion of all female refugees interna~
tionally are lesbians. Women already constitute
more than half of all refugees, and rape is
increasingly becoming a terrorizing tool of
war and conflict.
Lesbians seeking asylum and safety from
their own governments need our help. It is
essential that we bring this to the attention
of powerful Western governments. Secretary
of State Hillary Clinton has long been
committed to saving the lives of women and
girls globally; she is already an ally and thus
someone to contact about individual cases,
like Firouz's, or atrocities in nearby nations,
like Jamaica.
A new year brings new resolutions.
Stopping smoking is great, but stopping
the suffering and murder of lesbians across
the globe is more important. Contact your
representatives and check out Human Rights
Watch (hrw.org)and LGBT Asylum News
on Twitter and Facebook. Don't let another
lesbian in Africa or Asia die unsorrowed for
and unheralded. These women are us-born
under a different and less libertarian flag.
They need our help. Make 2011 the year of
saving lesbian lives. ■
TREATING
MALARIA WITH
HOMEOPATHY
IN GHANA
Whena soothsayerpaida visit to one
of AdjoaMargaretStack'sneighborsin
BurkinaFaso,heaskedto seethe white
ladywhoalsolivedin the courtyard.
Inadvertently,
the scatteredcowryshells
onthe groundhadrevealedherfutureas
well:Herdestinywasto be a healer."I had
no ideawhat hewastalkingabout,"says
Stack,who holdsa degreein business
andwasteachingEnglishat a University,
thoughthe predictionwouldstick in her
mindfor yearsto come.
Thesixthandyoungestmemberof a
largeIrishCatholic,third-generation
San
Franciscofamily,Stack(whosefirst name,
Adjoa,means"a childbornon Monday"in
the Ghanaian
languageof Twi}joinedthe
PeaceCorpsin 1983andendedup coming
out duringherservice."Whengaypeople
fromall acrossthe countryandaround
the worldwereflockingto SanFrancisco
to befree,I left for WestAfricawhereit
was basicallyagainstthe law to be gay,"
shesays.Nevertheless,
shefelt liberated
enoughto haveherfirst gayrelationship
with anAfricanwoman.
After returningto the States,Stack
workedwith nonprofitsin NewYorkCity
who servedAIDSpatients,andwas also
a caretakerfor friendsdyingof AIDS.
Sheveryquicklysawthe limitationsof
conventionalmedicine,andsoughtout
alternativeremedies,includingnutrition
andherbs,as morehumanetreatments.
Herintroductionto homeopathy,
a 200
year-oldholistic,naturalsystemof healing
developedby a Germanphysician,came
whenshereturnedhometo carefor her
dyingfather."TheminuteI foundit, I
knewit was right,"shesays.
Aftergraduatingfromthe Instituteof
ClassicalHomeopathy,
Stackbeganto
practicehomeopathy
in SanFrancisco,
but
the ideaof treatingmalariastuckwith her.
Allopathicmedicinefor malariais expensive
andlosesits effectiveness
overtime
becausethe shortlifespanof a mosquito
enablesit to mutateandquicklydevelop
resistanceto drugs."Theconventional
approachto malariais to kill-either the
parasiteor the host,"saysStack.Her
approachhasbeenthe opposite:Tofocus
on makingthe individualhealthyenoughto
resistthe parasite.
Evenwith herfirst-handknowledgeof
the region,Stackunderestimatedthe
demandfor herwork whenshereturned
to Ghanafor a visit in 2006.Thoughshe
hadnot formallyplannedto seepatients,
she broughta few of her booksand
remedieswith her.Newsof herarrivalwas
sentout to the communityby drumbeat:
"Thereis a doctorhere,peopleshould
come."Sheendedup seeingmorethan
75 peoplethat summer.
Spurredbythe results,Stackdecided
to set uptwo seasonalclinicsin different
regionsof the country.Staffedentirelyby
Ghanaians,
the clinicsoffertreatmentsfor
oneGhanaCedi,about70 cents,onetenth
of the costof a regulardoctor'svisit. Both
clinicsarelocatedin the households
of
womenshemetduringher PeaceCorps
servicetwo decadesbefore;hertranslator
at the clinic is a mansheheldas a baby.
Workingas a gaywomanin Ghana
today,Stacksaysthat she'sstill pretty
muchundercover.
"I hearstorieson the
newsandseepiecesin the newspaper
that are distressing.Oneyoungmanwho
was attemptingto start a gayandlesbian
organizationin Accra,the capital,was run
out of the countryandhadto flee to Ivory
Coastfor his life." But Stack'scommitmentto the countryandthe friendsshe
madetwo decadesagois unwavering.
Herwork hastakenherfull-circle;the
puzzlingpredictionsof the soothsayer
havenow becomeclear."I lovemy work
overthere,"shesays."It's openedup so
muchknowledgeto methat I didn't learn
in school.I've seenit in livingaction."
[Katherine
Jamieson]
January/February
2011
I 29
DYKE
DRAMA
The Tea Party Ain't No Party
Equality is a trend that never goes out of style. By Michele Fisher
Remember rattail hairdos and puffy cotton
workout pants covered with crazy nauseainducing patterns? How about closet cases?
The other day I met a guy who is a genuine
closet case. I didn't really meet him the other
day-he
was already an acquaintance, a
friend of a friend, actually, and the friend we
30
I curve
have in common is a dyke. So it shocked me
when I realized that he was a closet case ... in
San Francisco ... in 2010. As I waited anxiously
for my food order to be ready, this guy held
me hostage telling me all about his super cute
girlfriend. He, by the way, is one of those
obvious homosexuals. There are straight
guys who like tailored clothing and pointy
shoes and are just metrosexual enough to be
sexy, but he is not that kind of guy.
Everybody knows I am gay. So I couldn't
help wondering why on earth this queer
was telling me all about his "beard:' At first
I thought maybe he was trying to fix me up
with her or something.
Then I was thinking maybe he was one of
those retro gay boys who like to call other
gay men "she:' Maybe his "girlfriend" is a boy.
That made a lot more sense and so I started
picturing this little nelly couple skipping
down Castro Street buying rubbers and
nonfat energy drinks at the all-night drugstore. But then he told me that he just picked
up a designer purse for her that set him back
a whole paycheck. My curiosity got the best
of me so I asked to see her picture. He whips
out his super-gay chrome phone and dabs at
the screen with the perfectly manicured nail
on his well-moisturized right index finger
and brings up an image of a woman. A real
20-something female creature wearing a dress
and strappy sandals. "Yep, that's a girl;' I said
with just a little too much surprise. He acted
like he hadn't noticed and launched into the
strategic plan for his life. In two years, when
she graduates from business school, they are
getting married, and in five years they will be
living in Marin with one kid and hopefully
another on the way. "That won't leave much
time for you and your boyfriend;' I wish I
had said. Instead, I just smiled lamely and
grabbed my food, and as I raced home with
my bag of rapidly cooling Thai delights, I saw
the whole frightening future unfolding in
front of me. Closet cases were coming back,
just like acid wash.
Prop. 8 in California is alive and still
kicking our gay butts. For those of you who
are outside the Golden State, Prop. 8 would
amend the California State Constitution to
read that marriage can only be between a
man and a woman. Part of me hopes that by
the time you read this, common sense will
have prevailed and Prop. 8 will have gone
the way of segregation, but part of me fears
that will not be the case.
Obama can't even get a bit of traction on
repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell:' Yeah, I
know he promised ... and so does he.
The Tea Party is no party to us. The United
States already won the Revolutionary War
in the 1700s, back when the British were
the enemy. Who exactly are these pretend
patriots rebelling against today? One needs
only to look at a photo of a gathering of these
folks to realize that we "fellow Americans"
are the enemy. Back in 1773, all the decisions
were made by white men. In fact, African
Americans and women were still considered
"property:' Some will smugly point out that
the Tea Party may be mighty whitey but
it has plenty of women; in fact, plenty of
women are the party's leaders. Not a shocker.
Again I refer to history and the Suffragette
Movement. Women could have had the
right to vote a lot earlier than 1920, but the
Daughters of the Confederacy and their ilk
didn't want to include African American
women. This infighting delayed women's
rights by decades. Just because a woman
fights for her own rights doesn't mean she
won't deny others theirs.
We are not in a period of backlash. We are
in a drag race in reverse.
I do, however, get a cheap thrill out of
going up to these guys, asking them in front
of others if they consider themselves "tea
baggers;' and watching with amusement as
they loudly proclaim that they are indeed.
(In gay culture, a "tea bagger" is a man who
likes to suck other men's scrotums.)
When curve started, two decades ago,
the fact that it arrived at your house in a
plain brown wrapper was a big selling point.
In fact, we probably owed about half of our
subscription business, in those early years, to
that little brown jacket. These days, it comes
in a black plastic bag. I used to wonder why
we still deliver the mag in disguise. But now
I get it.
I feel like one of those victims in a monster
movie-the
one who outruns the creature
for a period of time and then prematurely
decides to take a breather, only to be gobbled
DIV A
up while the audience screams, "Don't stop!
Keep moving!"
I have taken our safety, security, and forward
progress for granted. But I won't anymore.
To quote from that 1987 classic Jaws: The
Revenge,"This time it's personal:'
It isn't just about voting and calling it a day.
You must find your own ways of expressing
who you are and what you want. Shop at
stores that offer benefits to same~sex partners
and tell them why you shop there. Also, tell
the stores that don't treat you right why you
don't shop there. Make the people in your life
aware of the facts-like the fact that you pay
more taxes for fewer services in this land of
the free. Use that computer to write to lead~
ers in politics, business, and education and
demand to be treated as an equal. Do not
allow those around you to be swept up in a
wave of conservative hysteria. Be visible.
I was hoping to get my rights before rattail
hair~don'ts came back in style, but it doesn't
look like I'm going to make it. In fact, I think
that closet case I ran into the other day was
wearing parachute pants! ■
c;.u.rv.e
January/February
2011
I 31
Does your sex life need sprucing up?
Just in time for Valentine's Day,
here are 11 hot tips.
By Yana Tallon-Hicks
TANTALIZING
T6TIP
HER
You're great in the sack: You
pay attention to her desires,
you're enthusiastic, and you can
OVER
THE
even write the alphabet with
your tongue. But there are just
certain places you (and many
other lesbians) just won't go.
Why? Because that dildo looks
too real and BDSM is strictly for
the kinky? Well, a "penis" does
wonders when strapped onto a
lady, everyone deserves a good
spanking sometimes, and, no
offense, but we can all write the
alphabet with our tongues.
So don't be shy. These lesbian
sex taboos could be exactly
what'II take you from "great"
to over-the-edge amazing.
I. GETREALOSTIC}.
There are perks to veering
away from typical candy-pink dildos and
more toward the realistic. Vix-Skin, an
exclusive-to-Vixen-Creations blend of
silicone, makes for the most realisticfeeling (and, yes, -looking) dildos ever.
Sure, they're "flesh-colored;' but this
body-heaMransmitting, dual-density silicone
makes for a high-performing rigid inner core
and a supple-soft outer cushion that'll guarantee
neither of you will be thinking about the "real deal" ( unless
you want to, of course). (vixencreations.com)
2. PACKIT. Though it is nothing new to those who pack
regularly, women who confine masculine gender play to the
bedroom should give public packing a try. Packing is when
someone puts a little extra somethin' down her pants ( usually
a soft, dildo-esque toy intended for an aesthetic bulge rather
than penetration) as a means of gender expression. Wear one
to the club or even the grocery store. Letting her know you're
packing a little extra heat will have her begging you to take
her home. Check out transguys.com.'s Packer Showdown for
comprehensive soft-pack comparisons.
3. EXPLORE
THEBACKDOOR.
Just because we ladies don't have a
posterior pleasure spot like the male prostate doesn't mean
anal sex is restricted to our Chedoving counterparts. Read
up on it in Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for
Women to shed those pesky fears that backdoor shenanigans
are dirty or painful (with patience, a good lube, and a regular
shower, this just isn't true) and start embracing the pleasur-
able pressure that can come (and come) with our booties.
Before you start sizing up your regular strap-on, check out
smaller, more manageable toys like Good Vibrations' vibrating
Pandora Plug, designed to stay put during other activities,
or Romeo beads, which will kick up your orgasm when
removed during climax. (goodvibes.com)
4. TWICETHEFUN!Once practice has made perfect, double your
pleasure with the Menage-a-Trois harness, featuring two
rings for two separate dildos. It'll let your sweetie experience
the risque fantasy of a threesome without (you dyke-dramatists) making things even more complicated with your ex.
( thepleasurechest.com)
5. PUTA RING
ONIT. You wish I were talking about Beyonce. I'm
talking about cock rings. Yes, they need renaming, but the
vibrating versions of these little devils will make you realize
that the cocks aren't the only ones in the coop getting a boost
here. Strategically position these adjustable, vibrating rings
over a dildo or fingers, keeping your other hand free to roam.
Fan-favorite Neptune Ring's separate battery pack puts her
in control of vibration intensity. (goodvibes.com)
G.WATCH
PORN.
Not the soft-kissing, tame lesbian porn of the
'90s. Were much hotter than that. Those familiar with the
modern dyke porn scene may already know the super-hot
butch-on-butch and femme-loving flicks by Pink and White
Productions-like
the notorious Crash Pad Series (pinkwhite.
biz). Other lesbolicious tides include One Night Stand, featuring
videos directed by Joanna Angel and specializing in alternative
porn between the young and tattooed in all kinds of positions,
A History of the (Lesbian) Orgasm.
By Sara Whitford
~\~
~
=
~
34
I curve
300 B.C.
Thefirstvibratora water-powered
saw-is invented
.
..............................................................
c.400B.C.
Hippocrates,
the
"fatherofWestern
medicine,"
warnsof
uterusneglect,
and
advises
husbands
to
massage
thevulvawith
thefingers
to prevent
reproductive
disorders.
100A.D.
Inhisinfluential
Gynaecology,
physician
usadvises
of
wi
andb
to heigh n their
sexualde ire,
stimulate
o asm
andfacilitate
conception.
queer and straight voannaangel.com).
And don't shy away from wham-bam-thankyou hetero porn! Getting off on watching an
innocent cheerleader get seduced by a cute
delivery boy does not make you a bad lesbian.
It just makes you comfortable with your sexuality. And that's just hot.
ORGASMSAREGOODFORYOUFarther than 30 feet away? Bridge the gap
with OhMiBod's Better Than Chocolate
Researchshowsthat an active
vibe, which plugs into your computer for
sexlife maycorrelateto a reduced
risk of heartdiseaseand cancer.
some Skype-compatible fun and puts a
Thehormoneoxytocinreleased
whole a new spin on the concept of dirty
duringorgasmhelpsreduce
talk. (babeland.com)
tensionandanxiety.
In onestudy32 percentof
womenusedmasturbationas
a sleepaide.
10.GITKNOTTY.
BDSM (bondage/ dominance
and sadism/masochism) isn't
all savage whippings
(and liking it) isn't as anti-feminist as your
in dark dungeons. Rather, a little
college professor may have suggested. If it turns you on to
consensual power play involving the
play with consensual degradation, or if you just plain want to
giving and relinquishing of dominarrate, do it! Tongue-tied? Warm up by reading erotica to
nance and submission can be very sexy
each other. The queer publishing company Cleis Press puts out
a steamy Best Lesbian Erotica collection yearly. (cleispress.com) indeed. Make a smooth introduction to
the scene with Incoqnito's line of discretely
8. BLOW
HERAWAY.
Yes, the Mr. Man dildo looks realistic, but sophisticated BDSM toys like its leather-andstainless-steel cuffs (below) and wearable Droplet
it also features a hollow core, which, when strapped onto
Necklace (right), nipple clamps that double as subtle
the right spot, allows you to actually feel the sensation when
vibrators. ( incoqnito.com)
someone sucks on the toy. Though it doesn't pack or penetrate
very well (and can be a little awkward to get situated), it
H. PICKUP A THIBDWHEEL.
When
certainly makes for some great role-playing opportunities.
done right, threesomes can
(edenfantasys.com)
bring daring couples
9. BACK
OFF.
Everyone knows that U-Hauling lesbos love it upcloser together or
close and personal, but a little space (and technology) can go make for an unfora long way in foreplay. Hook her up with Love to Love's Cry
gettable one-night
Baby, a remote-controlled vibrator that lets you direct her
stand. Plus, going
through seven pulse patterns wherever you are (well, within
on the prowl with
30 feet). Make that date night a little more interesting or
your honey 1s
torture her from the next room.
lots of fun! ■
1. TALK
DIRTY.
Getting called a few choice words
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////p
TheMedievalEra
Thefemaleorgasmis
referredto bythe physician
Avicennaas "movements
of the matrix."
300A.D.
MedicalscholarAetius
refersto the female
orgasmas a "certain
tremor"that is required
for conception.
1200s
Nunsandwidowsare
prescribed
dildosby
doctors,to helpeasethe
symptomsof hysteria.
1883
Theword
"orgasm"is used
for the first time
in medicaltexts.
1500s
In his Livesof Fair& GallantLadiesSeigneur
de Brantome
describestwo Frenchcourtladies
whowerecaughtby a princemakinglovewith a
prostheticdevisethatwas"so neatlyfastenedon
by little beltspassingroundthe bodythat it looked
likea naturalmember."
Theprinceaskedthemto
demonstrate.
Surgeon
AmbroiseParearguesthatwomenwith
strongsexdrivesandvoluptuous
lifestylesareless
likelyto sufferfrom menstrualdisordersastheir
"humours"flow morefreely.
1899
Anadvertisement
for the "Vibratile"
appearsin McClure'sMagazine
promisinga curefor neuralgia,
headaches
andwrinkles.
1901
Frenchsocial
observerand
writerAli
Coffignon
warnsthatthe
vibrationsof the
manualsewing
machinecould
turn heterosexualwomen
intolesbians.
TlMELINEPHOTOS: COURTESY OF NEW YORK-TRIBUNE(ADVERTISEMENT)
January/February
2011
I 35
\
'I
J'
Styling Your Hair
"Down There"
By Stephanie
Schroeder
VAGINA
BRIAR
PATCH
About 10 years ago, my then-girlfriend, a self-identified butch
woman, and I were hanging out with two other couples, both
butch-femme, more or less. As we were chatting, the conversation moved to pussy, the way it often does. "Do you prefer
waxing or shaving?" was the question put to us by one of the
butches. My girlfriend and I looked at each other quizzically
and then back at our friends. "What?" I exclaimed.Turns out,
the other four women in the room, butches, femmes, and
in-betweens, all removed at least some of their pubic hair,
one way or another. My girlfriend and I were horrified. Butch
women waxing their pussies-what
had the lesbian world
come tor
36
I curve
The lady-scaping business has taken some unlikely turns
in recent years. This particular post-femme gal sports a
full, natural bush and cannot fathom why-oh-why women
anywhere, of any persuasion or orientation, would subject
themselves to what I consider the brutality of shaving and
waxing, just to go bare "down there:' It may be the middle-aged,
Midwestern lesbian in me, but I also feel a bit funny about
grown women with bald pubes-they remind me of underage
girls. Plus, let's face it, hair removal is painful. And honestly,
shaved and waxed pussies have a plucked-chicken look.
Certainly the pornification of sex-lesbian
and otherwise-has contributed to a standard of beauty and grooming
that is far different from what it was when I came of age. As
much as I personally refuse to adhere to the latest pubic hair
fashions, I am fascinated by the proliferation of hairstylesas well as the improved methods of hair removal. In fact, I'm
kinda obsessed with the latest fashions.
REVAMP
YOUR
VA-JAY-JAY
FORVALENTINE'S
DAY
HAIR-STORY
Pubic hairstyles began in the early 1600s, when pubic wigs
(merkins) were worn by prostitutes to disguise lice and
signs of STDs (then referred to as "venereal disease"). The
British were ahead of the times in terms of pubic relations.
But in the U.S., the "Pubic Wars" (a phrase coined by Playboy
mogul Hugh Hefner) had just begun when Playboyand the
American branch of Penthousebegan a steady one~upman~
ship of pubic hair peek~a~boos in the '60s and '70s.
On chic beaches in exotic Mediterranean and European
locales, string bikinis became a fashion phenomenon in the
'70s. More recently, the explosion of the thong as an "under~
garment" turned the Brazilian wax into a mandate.
Today, fashioning one's pubes is the stylish thing to do,
whether it's just a quick trim or something extraordinarily
elaborate. The designs of choice today are varied, though
the Full Brazilian is preferred, according to Audra Senkus~
lemma, co~owner of the Haven and Eve spas in New York
City. Senkus~ lemma registered the Sphinx as a trademark
service on her waxing menu. She says the Sphinx, named
after a type of hairless cat, removes all the hair in the pelvic
region. Elsewhere, this is often termed the Barbie Doll.
Senkus~ lemma gave me a rundown on the "official"delinea~
tions of the various types of waxes that can be had. A Bikini
is cleaning up around the edges of a regular bathing suit line,
so no hair sticks out. A French Brazilian brings in the Bikini
more, narrower and bare around the edges. A Brazilian Bikini
works when one wears a thong-hair
is removed from bet~
Who knowswhat
snatch fashionswill
be big this year, but
currentcrotchcrazes
include:
PubicHairDye.What
started as a way to
cover up a few gray
pubic hairs went
from fad to craze
and is now a steady
business. (bettybeauty.com)
Va-jazzling.Bejeweling
your lady parts seems
to have begun when
Jennifer Love Hewitt
announced on a TV
talk show that she
Va-jazzles her va-jayjay regularly to feel
proud of her privates.
Va-jazzling is adorning
one's vagina with tiny
Swarovski crystals (or
less expensive imitations, if you are not
Jennifer Love Hewitt).
Va-tooing(aka twatooing). These painless tats (sometimes
referred to as vats)
are applied with
an airbrush. The
process begins with
a Brazilian wax to
get rid of all traces
of hair. After you've
been stripped of
all signs of natural
womanhood, you
can then specify
the nontoxic colors
of your choice for a
temporary design
on your lady bits.
ween the buttocks and the outer half of the labia, but some is
left on the labial lips and the front of the pubes.
The Full Brazilian (or Modern Brazilian) is waxing bet~
ween the buttocks, fully removing hair from the labia, but
with a very narrow "landing strip" in front.
"'Brazilian' has become the term for everything coming
off;' says Senkus~ lemma, but really, some hair is left after
most treatments.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////h
1910
Researcher
HavelockEllis
discoversthat 67 to 75
percentof womencannot
haveorgasmsduringsex.
1960s
Second
waveof
women's
liberation.
zu::
lJ._
a:
S2,
0
0
g
1953
Sexresearcher
AlfredKinseypublishes
SexualBehaviorin theHumanFemale
revealingthat lesbianshavesignificantly
moreorgasmsthanheterosexual
females.
1930s
Psychologist
AbrahamMaslow's
studieson human
sexualityfind that
an increasein a
woman'ssexual
fulfillmentaccompaniesher progressof
equalityin society.
1973
Dell
Williams
opensEve's
Garden,
the first
feminist
women's
sexshopin
NewYork.
CD
LLI
::J
a:
f-
l.LI
~
~
TIMELINE PHOTOS: SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION LIBRARIE (ELLIS}, ARTIS & SZELMEK (GIRL}
1974
Pro-sexfeministBetty
DodsonpublishesSex
ForOneandteaches
womenhowto masturbate.
1980
A sexsurveyfindsthat 78 percent
of femalesmasturbateregularly.
RIDEIN
STYLE
Who said harnesses need to
be utilitarian? Strap on the
sexy with this vintage inspired
"Circus" leather harness from
Dirty Darlings. Each item is
handcrafted from dark red
leather and hand screenprinted
with cream stipes. Adding to its
charm are velvet-soft cream
ruffles and a duo of mustachioed
leaping aerialists make this a
harness that has to be seen (or
worn) to be believed. It's the
perfect boudoir ensemble for
the fashion-forward top.
(etsy.com/shop/transaction)
MODERN
MUFFS
I spoke to other lezzies who lady~scape and found that, at
least among the under~ 30 crowd, shaving is the preferred
method of tidying up their pubes. "I shave;' one friend told
me. 'Tm not a fan of pain for beauty. I shave to pull it all in,
then I trim;' she said. "I actually prefer when it's grown in
a bit ... lt's fuzzy and not bumpy or anything, and I keep it
pretty close to how it grows, like an upside~down triangle. Or
I'll do a landing strip. I need some kind of hair:'
Another friend tells me that eliminating her hair down
there is in line with her general distaste for body hair. "I am
naturally rather fuzzy, so I've always shaved my legs and arm~
pits. Over the years, I had encroached on the edges of the
bush, and it got trimmed and trimmed until one day a lover
shaved me all off, just to try it. That was five or six years ago;'
she reveals. "I simply don't like the look of body hair-on
anyone. It takes me a moment to psychologically adjust to the
look of a lover who doesn't shave:'
She continues to shave so that her va~jay~jayfeels neat and
tidy, but like me she is less than enthusiastic about the idea of
fashioning her pubes. She has returned to the "ragged~looking
landing strip" more because she is reluctant to take it all off
than because she likes the look. "I still think landing strips
are reminiscent of a certain porn~star aesthetic that doesn't
do much for me:'
Clearly, the lesbian community has all sorts of tastes when
it comes to lady~scaping. Somewhere in the modern ruby~
fruit jungle of pubic hairstyling, I'd like to think there is a
sweet balance between happily bare and wildly natural. The
real message I want to put out to my sisters is, please be kind
V//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
1982
TheGSpotandOtherRecentDiscoveries
AboutHumanSexualityis publishedbyAlice
KahnLadas& BeverlyWhipple,claimingthat
the Gspotcanproducemoreintensefemale
orgasmsthanclitoralstimulation
.
'o//////////////////////////////////////////
1985
AnnLandersreceives100,000
responses
to a questionshe
askedherreadersandfindsthat72 percent
of womenwouldpreferto be"heldcloseand
treatedtenderly"ratherthanhavesex.
1996
Sixty-twopercentof women
in relationships
aresatisfied
with the frequency/
consistency
of orgasms.
...........................................................
A...............................................
A. ..........., ........................
.
1983
Universityof Washington
sociologistPepper
Schwartzcoinstheterm"lesbianbeddeath"
in herbookAmericanCouples.
Accordingto
Schwartz,lesbiansexperience
lesssexual
intimacythe longerthe relationship
lasts.
TheJournalof SexResearch
publishes"Arousability
andsexual
satisfactionin lesbianandheterosexual
women"measuring
the
sexualbehaviorof 407lesbiansand370heterosexual
women.
Themeanscoreonthe SexualArousability
Inventoryis higherfor
the lesbiansamplethanfor the heterosexual
sample.Lesbians
reporthavingsexmoreoften,morefrequentorgasms,moresexual
satisfactionanda greaternumberof partners.Genderempathy,
women'ssocialization
to communicate,
andmethodof orgasm
wereconsidered
in accounting
for the moresatisfyingsexlife
reportedby lesbians.
TIMELINE PHOTOS: GUTHY-RENKER (SCHWARTZ}
38
I curve
1990s
Dr.Raymond
C.Rosenestimates
thatanorgasmia-theinability
to orgasm-affects24to 37
percentof women.
2006
TheJournalof SexResearch
publishesthe surveyresults
of 19,000Australianwomen
bythreeuniversities
revealing
thatwomenhavinglesbian
sexaremorelikelyto reach
orgasmthanthosehaving
straightsex.76 percentof
womenwhosleptwith anotherwomanreachedorgasm,
compared
to only69 percent
whosleptwith men.
GLOSSARY
OFFASHION
FORWARD
FUZZ
For some specific designer thatches, see the list below.
Proceed at your own risk and choose your pubic stylist wisely,
or you could pay dearly (and painfully) for a hairstyle gone wrong.
to your lady parts and tolerant of others: whatever your
fashion choice or erotic preference.
RXFOR
ABADWAX
A Va-jay-cialis exactly what it sounds like: rejuvenation
for your vagina, similar to a facial, but between your legs
and not your ears. Invented by the California
waxing salon Stript Wax Bar, the Va~jay~cial
is for women whose Brazilian waxes turn out
not to be the sexy experience they hoped for.
For the ingrown hairs, bumps, skin irritations,
and other unwanted side effects of waxing, the
60~minute, $60 treatment may rescue your
crotch from cruel punishment. Performed
about a week after your initial wax, the
treatment involves four steps: antibac~
terial cleansing with witch hazel, a papaya
exfoliation, and then removal of ingrown
hairs by a licensed esthetician. The finale
consists of a calming anti~freckle, anti~acne
mask and a lightening cream. Voila! Now
you're set to go out and do it all over again.
CHARLIE
CHAPLIN:
a horizontal
strip that looks like a
mustache (sometimes
referred to as the Adolf).
ARROW:
a simple strip with an
arrowhead on the bottom.
BASIC
BIKINI:
a tidying up of hair
that gives the appearance of a
bikini-bottom shape.
NATURAL:
a growing bush
left untouched.
FULL
BRAZILIAN:
the most popular
pubic hairstyle of all, the waxing
off everything except for a
narrow landing strip of hair.
CARDSHARK:
pubic hair is shorn
to leave a playing-card design.
Apparently, hearts are the rave,
diamonds the fave, then there
are gals who deal in
spades-however,
clubs are rarely
played.
PRINCESS:
a vertical oval shape.
TRIANGLE:
a small, triangular
patch.
SPHINX,
ORBARBIE
DOLL:
the
complete removal of all hair
in the pelvic region. We're
talking waxing your labia
majora as well as between
your cheeks. ■
(striptwaxbar.com) ■
@)
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LUS
Collective Chaos Design puts the fierce in fetish fashion.
For the ultimate in erotic eye candy this luscious array of latex
garments are handmade, each piece made to measure, so it
feels as good as it looks, almost like a second skin. The kinky
craftspeople at Collective Chaos Design work equally hard to
minimize their carbon footprint, creating these eye-popping outfits
using materials that will last a lifetime-as
well as maintaining strict
recycling rules. Plus, all their unsold items go to Trans America
Trading Co., ensuring that every garment goes to use. That way, the
wearer can still feel nice, even when she's looking oh-so-naughty!
(collectivechaosdesign. com)
POLKA-DOT DRESSES ($235 AND $285)
MODELS: CRASH AND MARLO MARQUISE
PHOTOS BY
CORRUPT IMAGE DATA
(CORRUPTIMAGEDATA.COM)
40
I curve
The "Miss" dress is simple and stunning, showcasing the neck and
shoulders beautifully. Made from the highest-quality latex, with a
hand-cut polka-dot pattern on the strapless top section, the dress
also features an accent strip that surrounds the underbust and a sturdy
zipper on the back for comfort, while fully hemmed and reinforced. The
"Madame" dress is both conservative and provocative. Collar and
hem feature a stunningly detailed, pleated-latex lace trim. The dress
is fully hemmed and reinforced. Shown here in black and ivory,
perfect for your Nun or French Maid costume!
OCTOPUSSY DRESS ($725)
MODEL: CRASH
Made from the highestquality transparent latex, with
handcrafted, multilevel, sensual,
octopus-shaped applique that
wraps around the body with
latex tentacles, giving a thrilling
sensation to the owner, as
well as anyone who sees it.
January/February
2011
I 43
RED SWIMSUIT ($65 AND $75)
MODEL: VELOCITY
For the tomboy in you: A latex tank top
and boy-cut underwear. Produced from the
marriage of vintage-inspired, high-waisted
undies and male underwear design. Fully
functional for easy access, and applicable
to all your needs and pleasures. Shown in
the two-tone option, but also available
with like-color trim.
44
I curve
Last summer, we watched as Nikki
Weiss-Goldstein and Jill Sloane
Goldstein planned their fantasy
wedding on the hit reality series
The Real L Word. From choosing
wedding dresses to selecting their
venue, a palatial home in the Malibu
hills, Weiss and Goldstein shared with
us all the joys and stresses of their
forthcoming nuptials. So when season
one ended before the actual wedding
day, we were left wondering what
happened next. Now, in an exclusive
interview, the newlyweds fill us in on
the details of their glamorous wedding,
their honeymoon in Hawaii and what
they really think of their reality series.
46
I curve
For Nikki Weiss~Goldstein and Jill Sloane Goldstein, their
wedding, on Oct. 9, 2010, in Malibu, Cali£, was the fulfill~
ment of a dream the two never knew they always wanted. The
couple exchanged their vows under a chuppah in a traditional
Jewish ceremony, while family and close friends looked on.
They wrote their own vows. "We listened to them for the
first time up at the altar;' explains Weiss. "Jill went first, and
then I joked that mine are terrible, she's a writer, this isn't fair,
and everybody laughed. And I asked her if she could please
write mine for me:' But Weiss must have said something
right because, according to Goldstein, there wasn't a dry eye
on the premises."! definitely was a lot more emotional than I
expected to be;' says Goldstein. "I thought I was going to be
OK and have it together. In fact, we joked that Nik was the
one that was going to be a mess, and as it turned out we got
up there and my knees were shaking uncontrollably, and she
would look at me and say, Tm right here, I've got you; and it
was just overwhelming. There were definitely some tears and
you tried really hard not to ruin the makeup but the tears
were falling anyway:'
For Weiss, the most amazing part of the day was being
able to share it with all her loved ones. "Standing under the
chuppah with Jill and the rabbi, and ... seeing all of our worlds
collide and all of the people we love so much ... in one spot
together, and not there because this is a quote~unquote gay
wedding, but there because they' re seeing two people who
love each other get married-or
unlawfully wed. But, you
know, in front of the Jewish community and in the eyes of
the rabbi we were married that day:'
Because same~sex marriage is still not recognized by the
State of California, the traditions of their religion, which
does recognize their union, took on greater meaning for the
couple as they planned their wedding. "We originally didn't
think we were going to have a very traditional ceremony;'
explains Weiss. "(But] as we started to meet with the rabbi
and learn more about the ceremony and his take on it, we saw
how open~minded and liberal and accepting he was about
our marriage ... and the more we felt equality and accep~
tance from the religion, I think it made us a little bit more
interested in wanting it to have that tradition. It was like, if
the government's not going to acknowledge us but the reli~
gion is, let's celebrate that:' So, in addition to the ceremony,
Weiss and Goldstein signed a ketubah-a marriage contract
in Jewish law.
While their ceremony was traditional, their road to the altar
was anything but. The two first met as children at a sleepaway
camp. At the time, Weiss was in the throes of her first preado~
lescent romance-with
Goldstein's brother. Twenty~five years
later, Weiss and Goldstein were reunited through a website
for the camp they had attended as kids. And things quickly
heated up between the two."We knew there was a connection
between us, but we didn't know what that connection was,
and so, when we decided to meet-because Jill was living in
San Francisco and I was in L.A.-when we decided to meet,
I go, 'Look, no pressure, we'll either braid each other's hair and
play jacks or we won't;" Weiss says, with a laugh.
In keeping with the spirit of the sleepaway~camp origins
of their romance, Weiss and Goldstein, along with all their
friends and family, checked into the Malibu Beach Inn on
the evening before the nuptials. "It's a very small boutique
hotel, so it was basically all our entire family and friends. It
was like a sleepover party. So we woke up in the morning, we
looked at each other and we just started giggling, like, 'Oh my
god, today's the day!' and before we even got in the shower or
did anything, we ran downstairs, because all of our friends
and family were up at, like, seven in the morning, sitting on
the balcony overlooking the ocean, and I think we were just
screaming;' says Weiss.
January/February
2011
I 49
"We were so silly;' agrees Goldstein. "We were torn between
wanting to run up and get ready and wanting to stay and
hang out with everyone at breakfast. I don't think either of
us were typical stressed brides. It helped that we decided we
were going to experience the whole process together. We got
ready together in the same guesthouse and had our makeup
and hair done with each other-and
our moms. We really
just wanted to take it all in. We really didn't leave each other's
side the entire daY:'
The wedding reception was held at the
same venue, poolside, under a sky so clear
that the planet Venus was visible. The couple
danced their first dance to "I Dreamed You"
Wedding
dresses
Goldstein wore
David Fielden
of London
Weiss wore
Winnie Couture
of Beverly Hills
so I curve
by Anastacia. The party went on late into the night, with
lots of music.. "We had a band and a DJ because we couldn't
decide;' explains Goldstein. "Then our lovely Rose [Garcia],
one of the [Real L Word] cast members who we're very, very
close to, gifted us a DJ. So we had two DJs and a band. It was
amazing-they
played off of each other and we got a little
bit of everything that night. People were dancing from the
moment they got there:'
While everyone had an incredible time at the reception,
no one had more fun than the brides themselves. "We were
certainly there, and partying and enjoying it;' says Goldstein.
"I personally have some vivid memories. I remember very
clearly the ceremony. I remember dancing with my father
very clearly. At one point, apparently, I rapped to the entire
wedding-"
"You did 'Baby Got Back'-and that was hot!" interjects
Weiss. But Goldstein wasn't the only one to hop on the mic
at the reception. Weiss also favored the crowd with a songher rendition of"Mustang Sally:'
After the wedding, the newlyweds headed off for a romantic
nine~day honeymoon at the Four
Seasons on Maui. "It was spoil me
rotten dot com;' jokes Weiss. "It was
magical. We explored off of the resort
and found these beautiful intimate
sunsets and these coves in the water
and it was amazing:'
"It's also a nice way, after the wed~
ding, after the craziness, to just be
together one~on~one. I think it's
important. We ate well, we rested, we
explored-it was a beautiful vacation. It went very quickly,
that's the only criticism I have;' says Goldstein.
Much has changed for Weiss and Goldstein since they
said "I do:' "I hyphenated my last name-so
now I sound
like a law firm;' jokes Weiss.
Weiss is also a bit more reflective. "I think deep down inside
there's a stronger feeling of a home than I've ever had before;'
she says. "Now there's nothing temporary, there's nothing
uncertain. You come home and this is it, this is where my family
now resides, this is where my future is:'
What hasn't changed is the couple's unwavering dedica~
tion to fighting for marriage equality. "I don't understand
that people don't have the fundamental right to marry. It just
does not make sense to me. I pay my taxes, I do all the things
that any heterosexual person does, and yet I'm not allowed
to marry? Jill and I have always fought the good fight-I
:Jiu,11bre wefelt~
~dw
amt~
~ Ytltinliu made U4
tnM'(}
~(ft~
t:cluuJetlua~.
wish that you had seen more of that [on the show]. But yes,
we're very active;' says Weiss.
Goldstein shares a disturbing fact she has recently learned:
California is one of 25 states that allow first cousins to legally
marry. "They argue the sanctity and health of the family, and
yet first cousins can marry and reproduce legally and samesex couples can't?" she says. "That just blew me away, that just
takes it to a whole other level of injustice. It's truly a hard pill
to swallow. You hear these awful arguments from the opposing
side-that
the families of same-sex couples, [the] children
won't be raised well. Now you're talking about genetic deformities! Really, you can't wrap your head around how unfair
this is:'
However, despite the setbacks that marriage equality has
faced, Goldstein remains hopeful. "I believe deep down
inside that it's a matter of time. I pray that it's in our genera-
tion, or it's in the next one, but I think that equality has to
prevail. If you look back in the past 60 years to civil rights and
the injustices with African Americans or other ethnicities, you
look back and go, 'How could that have been? It's so absurd:
I hope that one day we can look back and feel the same way
about this issue:'
One of the simplest ways that they advocate for equality
is through their visibility as an openly lesbian couple-two
women who the LGBT community as well as the mainstream can relate to. It was this, in part, that lead to them
join the cast of The Real L Word. And, while a number of
their fellow cast mates opted to share the more explicit areas
of their lives with the camera, Weiss and Goldstein elected
to keep that private. "We had a closed-door bedroom policy
from day one;' says Weiss. "Look, the other ladies are grown
adults and that's what they wanted to share, and so that's
January/February
2011
I 51
what was captured on film. I think that it pretty accurately
reflected who we are. This is our relationship. This is who we
are and where we are in our lives:'
"We didn't feel like we needed to exploit our intimacy on
camera;' agrees Goldstein. "That's private for us. If I want to
put out a sex tape, I will do that and make lots of money:'
"No, she will not;' laughs Weiss.
While the couple has received wonderfully encouraging
feedback from mainstream audiences, the LGBT blogo~
sphere has sometimes been unexpectedly cruel. Fortunately,
the two have taken the criticism in stride, deflecting it with
humor and a very down~to~earth realism. "They hate us!"
says Weiss.
"No, stop!" interjects Goldstein."We are two women, we're
each individuals, there is no possible way that I personally
or Nikki personally can represent every single woman's story
in this community. I think, with seeing lesbians on TV, they
want to see themselves. They want to see things they can relate
to. And I understand that and I appreciate that, but it's nearly
impossible for any of the six of us in the cast to possibly repre~
sent everybody's story. So I think if women in the audience
didn't relate to how we lived our lives, or who we were, or our
s2
I curve
values ... they were kind of vocal about it:'
"Let me say this;' says Weiss. "There was one statement
that I made which will probably be on my headstone, which
was, 'Jill and I are the straightest gay couple you're ever going
to meet: Well, that came back to haunt me ... All I meant ...
was that I don't define myself by my sexuality, solely. It is one
part of who I am. I'm very proud of who I am, I'm very proud
to be a gay woman, but I'm also so many other things. I'm a
businesswoman, I'm now a wife, I'm a daughter, I'm an aunt,
and so when I said that we were the straightest gay couple it
just meant that Jill and I live our life as every other person
does in this world, and we just don't define ourselves by being
gay. I don't subscribe to a lifestyle, and that was ammunition
for the gay world to target us. And they also felt like in this
show we didn't discuss enough about marriage equality. Well,
at the end of the day I'm not editing this. I am a producer,
but I had no editorial control over what they decided to show.
Jill's right-it's like we're here to represent ourselves. We can't
represent everybody:'
Always direct, Goldstein lays it on the line:"Truth be told,
I would have had a lot more respect for the majority of this
feedback that came our way-good
or bad-if
an actual
individual, if a woman with a name and a
face came toward me to tell me what she
thought, versus 'screen name number 637'
telling me I have a big nose and whatever.
I find it very cowardly:'
But it hasn't all been snarky and
unkind."We've been flooded with letters
from women on an international level,
and that's just what's blown me away,
the reach of this show;' says Goldstein.
"We've gotten so many letters from
women thanking us for sharing our
stories, telling us that their moms are
more open~minded, their parents are a
little bit more accepting of their lifestyle
from having seen an example of what
their relationship could be ... That's the
most amazing outcome of this entire
experience. When the blogs were roaring,
we would purposely remove ourselves
and rerun the letters, and see that it's so
much bigger than the snark:'
While Goldstein and Weiss remam
tighdipped as to whether they'll return
for the second season of TheRealL Word,
we're keeping our fingers crossed, hoping
for the opportunity to see what happens
next in their love story. As to what that
will be, Goldstein drops some hints. "It
took us a year to do the wedding and it
will only take us nine months to do the
baby;' she jokes. ■
There's nothing like 300-million-year-old fossils and
stalactites to remind you that your true love adventure
is all part of the unique unfolding of time.
hen choosing a location for your wedding,
you'd put scenic beauty at the top of your
list, right? But few lesbian brides have thought
about getting married underground, until lately.
Around 100 miles west of Sydney, Australia, is
a geographical wonderland known as Jenolan Caves.
These are the oldest known open caves in the world,
exhibiting their stunning limestone formations, fossils,
airy chambers, and sculptural outcrops in the shape
of arches, columns, pillars, and minarets, all formed
by nature more than 300 million years ago.
HOW
TOGETTHERE Jenolan Caves (jenolancaves.org.au) draws over
FromSydney:
JenolanCaves 250,000 visitors a year, but now offers a variety of
is abouta three-hour,
easyand unique locations for your secluded and very special
mostlyscenicdrivefromSydney. wedding ceremony. Imagine tying the knot deep
It's an hourand15-minutedrive underground in the world-renowned Lucas Cavefromthe BlueMountains-a
with its 160-foot-high Cathedral Chamber, it's large
populartraveldestinationfor
enough to accommodate 100 guests. For smaller
lesbians,
drawnto its bushscenery
gatherings,
the biblically named Temple of Baal Cave,
andvillages.Buscompanies
from Sydneymakeroundtripsto with its 30-foot-high Angel's Wing formation, might
JenolanCaveseveryday. make an impressive backdrop. The poetically named
FromCanberra: Devil's Coach House, Blue Lake, and Carlotta's Arch
A picturesque
three-hour are also available as uniquely beautiful subterranean
driveviaTablelands
Way. settings. Intrigued? You should be. If you're looking
54
I curve
for something a little different to symbolize your
commitment as rock-solid yet romantic, here it is:
Timeless romance and gravitas, all in one fascinating
geographical expedition.
For those who prefer to keep things aboveground,
the stately Jenolan Caves House hosts four reception
venues within the Grand Hotel, each offering its own
atmosphere and style. Menus and music, photography
and flowers, all can be selected as part of your package.
Domino Houlbrook-Cove, the wedding planner at
Jenolan Caves, encourages lesbian couples traveling
to the region to consider the many options for a
marvelous and memorable occasion. Even if you
aren't ready to tie the knot now, she recommends that
you take a tour, then enjoy a seductive overnight stay
at the bed-and-breakfast, complete with champagne
and lots of other indulgences. ■
IMPORTANTTO NOTE
• Thereis no gasat Jenolan,so planahead.When
travelingfromSydneythe laststopis Mount
Victoriaor Lithgow.Whentravelingfrom Canberra,
the last is at Oberonor Bathurst.
• JenolanCavesis in NationalPark.Nopets,
includingdogs.
• Theroadintothe JenolanValleyis notsuitable
for campersor motorhomes.
Michelle Blau and Dusti Ohland were legally united in a same-sex
civil union on March 12, 2007, in the spectacular beachside town
of Hahei, New Zealand. The couple, from Portland, Ore., front the
indie rock band Kiss Kill (kisskillrocks.com), but it was all kiss kiss
for the tattooed twosome on their special day.
PHOTOS BY ANDREW BURDICK (HISANDHERPHOTOGRAPHY.COM)
56
I curve
Michelle Blau and Dusti Ohland chose to tie the knot
in New Zealand because"Oregon does not recognize
anything more than a domestic partnership, so it
didn't really matter where we got married;' explains
Blau, who also wanted to get away.'i\.t the time, neither of our
families were very supportive of the marriage-though
now
my parents are wonderful and amazingly supportive-and
we felt that if no one would be coming to the wedding, then
we might as well go somewhere really amazing and exotic!"
Celebrant Maggie McLaurin conducted the ceremony,
which focused on the divinity of a union between the partners
and Mother Earth. The custom~made rings by Dave Iler
(alchemyjeweler.com) were consecrated in ocean water and
then blessed by the four elements, which were written into
the couple's vows:
I consecrate these rings
of life.
I consecrate these rings
warmth of love.
I consecrate these rings
wash them dean.
I consecrate these rings
solidity and stability.
with the element of air, the breath
with the element of fire, the
with the element of water, to
with the element of earth, for
I, Michelle, take you, Dusti, to be my lover, my friend, my
soul mate, my partner, and I offer this ring as a sign that
today I join my life with yours.
I, Dusti, thank you for this beautiful ring. I accept it as a
symbol that we are one with one another. The ring will
remind me of you. I will wear it with love-all of my life.
Amanda Mahowald, a friend of the brides, attended the
wedding (as the singular guest) to offer her unconditional
love and support. Photographer Daniel Doolan (scan~
chaiproductions.com), filmed the ceremony and the months
leading up to the union as part of the documentary Another
American Love Story.
Their commitment first became official when Blau
whisked Ohland away for a surprise weekend at the Lion
and the Rose, a Victorian B&B in Portland. Blindfolded,
Ohland entered their gorgeous room, where the bed was
covered with chocolate candies and rose petals. In the center
lay a card and a small box. Inside the card was a single candy
heart, which read "Marry Me;' and the box held the ring of
Ohland's dreams.
January/February
2011
I 57
"But, truth be told,
our secret lies in pajama pants,
laughter, junk food,
tattoos, adorable animal
YouTube videos,
and X-Files marathons."
Of course, Ohland said yes: "Michelle asked if she should
get down on one knee, but I assured her that she had done
enough to win my heart long ago:' Following a romantic dinner, Blau and Ohland went to a nickel arcade and celebrated
their engagement by winning each other trinkets and knick
knacks.
"Not wanting to be too conventional by simply having
engagement rings," explains Ohland, "we got matching
tattoos on the inside of our ring fingers, which say 'Forever:
Being that they were by far the most painful of all our tattoos,
it was an extreme expression oflove:'
Together nearly six years, Ohland and Blau regard themselves as blissfully wed. "Considering the fact that we not
only work in the same office, perform together in the band
Kiss Kill, and that the average lesbian relationship can be
measured in dog years, it's like we've really been together for
about four decades;' says Blau. "There is no one with whom
I would rather spend every waking moment. We are soul
mates in every sense of the word. When people inquire how
we maintain such an astonishing relationship, I always credit
compatibility, honesty and communication as contributing
factors. But, truth be told, our secret lies in pajama pants,
laughter, junk food, tattoos, adorable animal YouTube
videos and X-Files marathons:'
But life wasn't always funny videos and sci-fi reruns. Both
Ohland and Blau struggled to find their sexual identity during
adolescence, and at the age of 12 Blau began her battle against
anorexia and self-mutilation, not to mention learning to accept herself as a lesbian after being raised in the Mormon
Church. "To date;' says Blau, "I have been seven years healthy
and now make it my mission to speak out to young girls,
using my music and poetry in hopes of inspiring them to
embrace their bodies and their souls just as they are:' It's a
struggle Ohland also understands all too well. She battled
addiction from the age of 14 and used alcohol as a means to
escape her dysfunctional family. Ohland has been sober for
the past five years, and now her main objective is to make
music a performance platform that is "clean and safe;' an
environment where people of any age can express themselves
in a positive, healthy manner:'
We wish Blau and Ohland a very happy anniversary and
many more to come. ■
Bilingualis inspiredby what a ring can represent,'the journey
that two people share'. All Bilingualringsare designed unisex
enablingmatchingringsto unite a partnershipfor an eternity.
Some pieces from our range includeinterlockingring sets,
the momenta ringthat is enrichedwith an embosseddate in
roman numerals& ringsthat followthe contourof your hand
for superiorcomfort.Bilingualcan create your ringsin any
preciousmetal and also offersa full customdesign service.
So why not contactBilingualtoday, info@bilingual.com.au
--111
b ng ~.:ilingual.com.au
WELLSUITED
The Butch Clothing Company offers custom-fit clothing for the debonair dyke.
By Merryn Johns
Shaz Riley makes it her mission to
provide butch women with classically
tailored clothing for any special
occasion, including their wedding day.
orget mass-produced ready-to-wear clothes.
And say goodbye to shopping in the menswear
department-crossing
your fingers and hoping
it fits. Butch women can now rejoice in a new (yet old)
approach to formalwear. With the very British notion of
"bespoke" -that
is, clothing custom-tailored to fit your
individual body shape and your individual style-is on its way.
Traditionally pertaining to upscale men's clothing, the
art of bespoke tailoring joined the 21st century when Riley
launched the Butch Clothing Company (thebutchclothingcompany.co. uk) in June 2010, expressly to cater to the
underserved market of butch lesbians. The response in the
U.K. and from women around the globe "has been fantastic;'
according to Riley. "When our journey began, I didn't even
know if we would get a single client, and the phone hasn't
stopped ringing!"
60
I curve
The Butch Clothing Company attracts customers from
all walks of life: students, businesswomen, authors, teachers.
"Some women want suits for work, some want a suit for their
wedding, some just want a great casual trendy tweed to wear
with their jeans;' explains Riley. ''All our clients to date have
been lesbians. However, we realized very early on that for
same-sex weddings and civil partnerships, often the wedding
parties have male family members and friends, so we have
embraced female butch/ male butch to allow our clients the
option of dressing their entire wedding parry:' Femmes
who would like a classically tailored suit are also more
than welcome.
It all sounds so civilized, so it's probably pricey, right? Well,
it can be. Prices are determined by the fabric, lining, and
detailing you require. Pricing starts for suits at $560 and
Riley says the average cost of a two-piece suit is $780 to
$950, while a three-piece is around $1,200 to $1,300.
Jackets are around $630 and shirts $200. Popular choices
and the latest trends include linings in funky colors and
Ta~lor Made
TheDianeApplebystoryis oneof handcrafted,
contemporary
jewellery. Diane'snameasa designer
andmakeris synonymous
with richlycolouredgemstones
Celebrations
andpreciousmetals.Dianehasearnedthe acclaimof
Tome,Loveshouldalwaysbecelebrated
andinourchallenging
world
toomuch!
today,I believeit cannotbecelebrated
loversof finejewellerywhoenjoywearingbespokepieces.
Dianeworkswith clientsto createindividualpiecesthat are
Whena couplestandbeforetheirfriends,
familyandthewider
community
andhavetheirloveandcommitment
to eachotherrecognized
publicly
it'sa giftto allwhoareinvited
to participate.
enduringsymbolsof relationships
andspecialoccasions.
Weshouldneverunderestimate
thepowerof Loveto heal.
australia
DianeAppleby
overseas:
0418243874
diane@dianeappleby.com
: 041
7 5 1 1 707
1 707
61 41751
email: waldoslunch@bigpond.com
www.dianeappleby.com
www.ta_ylormadecelebrations.com
Stay a minimum of three nights and
receive a complimentary upgrade to
the next available room type.
Honeymoon Bliss*
Honeymooners will enjoy a bottle of
sparkling wine, complimentary upgrade
to the next available room type and
a late check out of 1pm.
*Valid until 31 March 2010. Based on limited
allocation of rooms and subject to availability. Please
quote Magazine Special 1Vhenbooking these packages.
Enjoy Sydney's best location offering exceptionally warm hospitality and the traditional
friendly service of yesteryear, with modern comfort and style.
Take time out and experience the wonders of Sydney, whilst enjoying all the facilities
and services The Menzies Sydney has
to
offer.
The Menzies
SYDNEY
Bower Cottage Accommodation in Blackheath is an elegant, warm and
inviting cottage or an elevated studio apartment, secluded in landscaped
acreage, bordering the World Heritage listed Blue Mountains National Park.
Suited to couples or singles and able to sleep 3 people, each has cooking
facilities, a luxury double spa, slow combustion fire, quality linen, feather
quilts, Lindt chocolates, flowers, candles and essential oils .....What more
could you want!
At Bower Cottage we take pride in meeting your expectations of luxury,
seclusion and comfort.
Giftcertificates
areavailable
foranyoccasion.
176 Evans Lookout Road
Blackheath, NSW 2785
Ph: 02 4787 7541 Mob: 0404 483 720 Email: info@bowercottage.com.au
www.bowercottage.com.au
It wasmagical
andnota dryeyeintheplace!
- Paula& Michelle
Welovedhowyoupersonalised
thewhole
service
andmadeit veryinclusive
- Susan& Kath
Celebrate
yourloveandcommitment
ina warm,
creative
ceremony
thatreflects
perfectly
your
style,yourrelationship,
yourconnection
with
eachotherandwithyourfamilyandfriends.
PrideCeremonies
• JenniferCram • +61 7 3378-3005
-------------------------
62
I curve
designs, vibrant tones, and retro paisleys.
Gay fashion mavens take note: Butch fashion is on the
rise. The BCC has already been featured in DIVA magazine,
and on Equally Wed.com and Perez Hilton's CocoPerez.com.
Clearly, Riley has created a niche market, and it's growing.
"We have just launched our overcoat line and a month
earlier saw the launch of our shirts. Next year will see further
developments in our fabric lines and we plan to update the
overcoat line every year, to stay up with the market trends.
We hope to be operating consultations in America and
maybe even as far afield as
Australia and New Zealand, if
the interest is there. We have a
small but loyal following already
in America and hope to see
the first of our U.S.-based customers in New York City this
Christmas:'
Old-fashioned
face-to-face
service is all part of The Butch
Clothing Company. There is
no online shopping, yet. "We
run consultations, as opposed
to a store;' explains Riley. "I see
clients at our consultation rooms in Brighton, at their home
or place of work, and if they happen to be staying at a hotel
we arrange to meet them there. In the U.S., we will see clients
in our hotel suite. We are currently aiming to negotiate a deal
with an airline and a hotel chain to allow us regular, costeffective visits to the U.S. We currently don't offer an online
service because, as a small bespoke tailoring company, our
measurement process and service level is crucial. Eventually,
however, we may consider displaying all fabrics, linings, and
detailing on our website, along with comprehensive instructions on how to complete your own measuring process, which
would then facilitate online ordering. Who knows what
exciting projects the future holds for The BCC!"
It's no longer just the brides who get the haute couture on
their special day. Butch girls can look sharp, too. ■
CALIF.
PALMSPRINGS,
It's opulent.It's hip.And
it's warmyearround.Try
a sprawling
theViceroy,
property
1950s-style
wherethe intimate
anamazing
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poolsat the
baseof thedesert'ssignaturemountain
range.Thesuperbonmeans
siterestaurant
youcannoshpoolsideor bedside-without
everhavingto leave.
com)
(viceroypalmsprings.
CRUISE
ANALASKAN
S t sailthroughstunningglaciers,spot
rarebaldeaglesand
explorewildAmerica
withyoursweetheart.
There'snothinglike
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Travel
coupletogether.
in thecompanyof
womenonSweet's
AlaskaCruise,
May15-22,2011.
com)
(discoversweet.
CALIF.
RIVER,
R,.USSIAN
redwoods,
Towering
cleanair andan ubertownmake
gay-friendly
this NorthernCalifornia
anideal
destination
for yournext
location
This
romanticgetaway.
town
quaintmountain
witha gourmetflairalso
boaststhe lesbianownedBoonhoteland
spa,featuringhigh
qualityservice,adorable
andaffordable
bungalows
prices.(boonhotels.com)
Looking for somewhere sexy and romantic for your next couples getaway? We asked
Sweet CEO Shannon Wentworth for her top 10 picks for lovers, honeymooners and
those planning to pop the question while on vacation.
ISLAMUJERES,
MEXICO
hatelsecanwe say
aboutthe beautifulNapa
ValleyandSonomaexcept
eat,drink,drinksome
moreandbeverymerry.
PROVINCETOWN,
MASS.
HAWAII
A gaymeccasincethe
?Osandboastinga
full calendarof gayand
esbianevents,fromGirl
plashin July(provinctownforwomen.com/
girl-splash)
to Women's
Weekin October
(womeninnkeepers.com)
P-townis the gayest
seasideadventure
in the Northeast.
ThoughHawaii
disappointing
y, legalized
neithersame-sex
marriages
norcivil
unions,manystill
considerthe 50thUnited
Stateto begaytropical
paradise.
Volcano
lovers,enjoy!
ICO
, five-starresortfull
of women?Getmarriedand
honeymoon
in thesameplace
withSweetat the luxurious
PalaceResort,Sept.1-8, 2012.
(discoversweet.
com)
KEYWEST,FLA.
Theformerhomeof KellyMcGillishas
plentyto offer,includingtonguetinglingKeyLimepieandhedonism
to
spare.Visitin steamySeptember
for
(womenfest.com)
WomenFest.
Thissleepy,undiscovered
gem ers
privacy,intimacy,beautyandI x ry.
Addunmatched
serviceandaffordable
pricingandthe Islandof Womenjumps
to thetop of listof bestplacesfor your
honeymoon.
In 2011,Sweettakesoverfor
two exclusively
lesbianweeksin Mayand
September.
Now,that'sthetimeto go.
(discoversweet.
com)
TAHITI
Whetheryouchoose
oneresortor to takea
romanticcruise,thecrystal
clear,warmwatersand
laid-backatmosphere
gets
the romance
flowing.It's
pricey,butonceyouget
overthesticker-shock,
it's
wortheverypenny.■
Good for Gays?
With LGBT rights about to be enshrined in its new
constitution, with its legal recognition of a "third gender"
and with same-sex unions on the horizon, this tiny country
between India and China just might be the most welcoming
LGBT travel destination in Asia. By Maria De La 0
c;
ld sweats, shortness of breath, pounding headache,
even some vomiting-this
could be the lead-up to any
wedding, anywhere in the world.
But we aren't just anywhere. We're hiking to Mt.
Everest, and we're winding a slow path, on foot,
through the Himalaya. The vomiting (for at least one of us)
begins at Namche Bazaar, a village 11,300 feet high in the
Khumbu Valley. Namche has 1,000 year-round residents,
about as many yaks and many more itinerant adventureseekers. Despite the bouts of altitude sickness, we have come
to idealize Namche, with its knockoff mountain gear, ready
Internet access, and plentiful Everest brand beer, as a kind
of cloud-shrouded Shangri-La, a place of relative warmth,
comfort and joy. As we walk, we unconsciously begin
humming "Namche, Namche ... " to the tune of Madonna's
Ray of Light-era "Shanti/ Ashtangi:'
Our tiny group-Jen
and I and our friend Kat, as well
66
I curve
as a Colorado-based mountain guide, a Sherpa and three
porters-has
been hiking steadily upward for days, though
weve taken some one- or two-day breaks to try to acclimatize
and therefore avoid the effects of altitude. The teahouse
accommodations have become steadily more ascetic, but
the landscape is more breathtaking with each vertical foot
we climb.
Oh, and one confession: We're not really a wedding party.
We're an advance film crew, scouting what we hope will be
our next project, a story about Everest. Does a wedding feature
in the last reel:>Hey, who knows:>
Director and scriptwriter Jen Heck and I began our trip,
strangely enough, in Palm Springs, where we met up to film
the shenanigans at Dinah Shore Weekend. After ditching
our more impractical items (bikini, Bermuda shorts) in LA.,
we're off to Kathmandu via Bangkok.
Once in Kathmandu, we establish our home base at the
Hotel Courtyard in the Thamel neighborhood, the main tourist district. Our friend
Kat Pankam, a fashion stylist, has taken
the popular East Coast route to Nepal (via
New York and Mumbai) and is already
waiting for us, rested and ready for adventure. Although we have only a couple of
days in Kathmandu, we soak up the sights
and sounds as deeply as we can-exploring
on foot and in motorized rickshaws, gazing
at the architecture of Durbar Square and
the pilgrims at Swayambhunath Temple,
and eating everything from chicken curry
on the cheap to Korean barbecue at a
swanky rooftop restaurant (also ridiculously cheap).
"Kathmandu's jam-packed with every
kind of experience;' Jen says."You can almost
get run over by a rickshaw and then walk
into a store with brand-new Macs:'
We hate to leave, but our date with the
Himalaya calls.
Except for our little tribe, we find that
the mountain has yet to become a gay mecca,
although at one teahouse we do meet a
ladies' wrestling team from Canada. Of
course, it's a little difficult to tell gay from
straight through all our layers of fleece and
Gore-Tex.
But Nepal itself, especially Kathmandu,
is changing-and
quickly. For one thing,
a law that my 2006 Lonely Planet alludes
to, one that forbids "any kind of unnatural
sex" ( used to justify police harassment of
gay Nepalis), was stricken from the books
in 2008.
In just a few years, this strategically
placed nation of 28 million people has
tossed out a king, moved from a Hindu
monarchy to a secular state, and declared
itself a democratic republic. Although
parliament is still discussing the exact
terms of a new constitution (the deadline
for ratification is now extended until May
2011), the LGBT civil rights that will be
enshrined in the constitution are not subject to any serious debate.
'i\t the end of 2007, the Supreme Court
made this fantastic verdict ordering government to amend discriminatory policies
against gays, lesbians, and transgenders.
[Now] all the political parties are actively
recruiting the sexual/ gender minority
vote;' says Sunil Pant, who was one of the
plaintiffs in the case that ended sanctioned
discrimination, and who, just a few months
later, was elected to the nation's parliament.
He is now the first openly gay man serving
in a parliament anywhere in South Asia.
Nepal's Supreme Court followed up by
legally recognizing a "third gender" in 2008, and Pant predicts
that the legalization of same~sex unions, which is currently
under review and about "80 percent finished;' is imminent
in the next few months. By the end of the year, Nepal is
likely to enact more comp~rehensive LGBT civil rights
litigation than you'll find in any country nearby-in
this
respect Nepal will resemble the Netherlands more than its
neighbor China.
And Pant is poised to take full advantage of this new state
of affairs. He has started an LGBT~focused tourism company,
Pink Mountain, and has the country's Ministry of Tourism
squarely behind him, although he urges that they still must
do more.
The Ministry of Tourism is planning a concerted outreach
to LGBT consumers as part of its Nepal Tourism Year 2011
campaign-the
goal is to more than double Nepal's yearly
visitors, from 400,000 to 1,000,000 people-and
Pant
himself has been traveling abroad to gay travel conventions,
spreading the word on Nepal and even envisioning the prospect
of same~sex marriages at Everest Base Camp.
Pant is careful to note that gay and lesbian visitors won't
find many gay bars or gayborhoods in Nepal. However, he
hopes that what it lacks in a scene Nepal will make up for
in something more meaningful: Its natural beauty and its
friendly, spiritual people have been attracting the backpacker
set since the 1960s and mountain adventurers since the days
of Sir Edmund Hillary. In fact, Hillary came to love Nepal so
much after his Everest ascent that he returned to found many
schools in the countryside.
But about those Base Camp marriages at nearly 20,000
feet-they're probably not for everyone. No one in our triad
has escaped a bout of altitude sickness by the time we finally
drag ourselves into Base Camp ( although our guides and
porters seem fine). While the ill effects wane with time, and
doses of Diamox, a drug that increases the oxygen in your
blood, helps speed things up.
"It's worth the vomit;' declares Jen.
Still, a nice day trip from Kathmandu, 7,000 feet closer
to sea level, is what I might wind up recommending for your
wedding party. ■
For Trans Travelers
While cisgendered travelers have plenty to protest with the
routine use of full-body scanners and invasive pat-down
procedures at airports, for trans folks things can be even
more complicated. Which is why the National Center for
Transgender Equality is reaching out to encourage trans
travelers to know their rights before booking that next flight:
0 Even if Transportation
Security Administration
personnel are not familiar with
travelers' rights, such as the
right to decline a full-body
scan, you should know them.
Politely and calmly inform
the officer of your rights and
choices. This may help you
get through the checkpoint
more quickly.
8 Full-body scanning reveals
an image of your unclothed
body. You have the right to
choose not to be scanned but
declining will mean a full-body
pat-down. This involves TSA
officers using their palms and
fingers to touch underneath
and between breasts, inside
thighs, in the groin area and
buttocks. Decide which proce-
68
I curve
dure feels least uncomfortable
and less unsafe for you.
You have the right to choose
whether a pat-down is conducted in the public screening
area or in a private area, and,
if in a private area, whether to
be accompanied by a travel
companion.
@
0 You have the right to have
manual search procedures
performed by an officer of the
same gender as the gender
you present yourself as. This
does not depend on the gender
listed on your ID, or on any
other factor. If TSA officials
are unsure who should pat
you down, ask to speak to a
supervisor and calmly insist
on the appropriate officer.
1'.5
~
§
~
cf
~
ffi
0 You should not be subjected
to additional screening or inquiry
because of any discrepancy
between a gender marker on an
ID and your appearance. As long
as your ID has a recognizable
picture of you, with your legal
name and birth date, it should not
cause any problem.
0 If you are carrying medically
prescribed items, such as syringes
for hormone injections or vaginal
dilators, it is helpful to have proof
of their medical necessity. Ask
your doctor for a letter verifying
the prescription or keep medical
devices in their pharmacy
packaging with prescription label.
0 Binding, packing or prosthetic
devices may show up as unknown
images on a body scan or pat-down,
which may lead TSA personnel
to do additional screening. Be
prepared to give a brief description
of items or check them in your
luggage so that you can minimize
scrutiny and delays.
0 If you encounter any issues,
politely ask to speak to a supervisor immediately. Do not raise
your voice or threaten TSA staff;
this could cause delays or lead
to criminal charges. You have the
right to file a complaint about an
incident with the OHS Office for
Civil Rights and Civil Liberties. The
NCTE encourages you to do this
as soon as possible and to inform
them of the complaint. ■
8 Liquid, gel or powder
substances will trigger additional
security screenings and therefore
we strongly recommend that
youpacktheseinyourchecked
luggage or leave them at home.
Yo(,,{/~~ve.,
t~~l/Cj~tto
c~oo~e.,tvot to
~e.,~Uvlt,tt,e.,J
~ t,,(/t
Je.,c(l/l'L,l/l'L,CJ
wdt
m~tv~~uit
~otf~ r~t tfowtv.
For more information visit the
National Center for Transgender
Equality. (transequality.org)
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EXPLORE
WEST
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ATGOGAYWESTHOLLYWOOD.COM
January/February
2011
I 69
MARDIGRASHIGHLIGHTS
Every year, in one of the world's largest celebrations of Gay Pride,
more than 10,000 LGBT folks flock to the streets of Sydney,
Australia, to march with pride at the Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras. This
year, curve wants you to become a part of this glittering event, as
we launch the first all-American lesbian float in this internationally
renowned Pride extravaganza.
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ydney's first Mardi Gras was
held on June 24, 1978, as one
of a series of events organized
to support International Gay
Solidarity-a grassroots movement
that grew out of the Stonewall riots nine years
earlier in New York City. It was also staged to
coincide with the appearance in Australia of
Mary Whitehouse, a homophobic bastion of
the Christian right. LGBT women and men,
and their straight allies, braved the winter
cold to gather at Taylor Square and march
down Oxford Street (Sydney's gay golden
mile), but what began as a low~key show of
solidarity took a nasty turn when the marchers
stopped at Hyde Park to read out telegrams
of support-whereupon
police tried to break
up the march and confiscate the lead float.
As marchers moved up Darlinghurst Road,
more police moved in, billy dubs in hand.
The result was a violent dash that saw 53
men and women arrested.
Over the months that followed, more pro~
tests and arrests took place until, in 1979, the
New South Wales Parliament repealed the
NSW Summary Offences Act, the law that
had made the arrests possible-and
a new
era in Australian civil liberties was born.
Now, more than 30 years later, the Sydney
Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras has grown to
be one of the largest annual Pride events in
the world. Held during February and March,
to take advantage of Australia's more temperate
summer weather, it encompasses a three~
week arts festival, a fair day that attracts some
70,000 LGBT visitors, as well as a massive
parade with dose to a million spectators
lining the city streets and 10,000 partici~
pants marching-many
in full costume.
Conde Nast named Sydney's Mardi Gras
one of the world's Top 10 costume parades,
while PlanetOut named it the best gay event
in the world. And this year's festivities promise
to be a particularly spectacular affair, with
Ignatius Jones-an
event director for the
Sydney 2000 Olympics Closing Ceremony,
the Opening Ceremony of Shanghai World
Expo 2010, and the Vancouver Winter
Olympics 2010-on board as the art director.
If ever there was a year to head Down Under
to declare your Pride, it's 2011. So, why not
be a part of it? ■
CURVE
WANTS~ 0
u,!
Be there on March 5, 2011, when
Sydney rolls out the pink carpet
and curve launches the first
all-American girl float. Dress up,
represent your country in the land
Down Under, and make history
at Sydney's Mardi Gras. Visit
curvemag.com/mardigras to find
out how you can become a part of
this spectacular event.
broughttogetherfor a
TongueTwister
seriesof talks about
The best all-girl
party in the Mardi
LGBTculture.
(mardigras.org.au)
Grasseason.Party
with morethan 1,000
PinkStiletto
gorgeousAussie
girls and the counTheracesgo gayfor
the daywhen Mardi
try's hottest DJs.
Grastakes over
The ArthouseHotel,
RandwickRacecourse
Feb.26, 2011.
(tonguetwister.net.au) to raise moneyfor
the BobbyGoldsmith
Foundation(a leading
FairDay
charity in the fight
Everyyear,70,000
againstHIV/AIDS).
peopleland at
(mardigras.org.au)
Victoria Parkfor the
world's gayestpicnic.
Dragshows,the
BeachRaces
famous Doggywood, Aussiedrag kings
and queenstake to
children'sareas,
the surf and sandat
two stagesof live
iconic BondiBeach
entertainment,
as they battle it
and amazing
out for the crown.
internationalfood
(mardigras.org.au)
stalls makeFair Day
a must-doevent.
VIPTravelPackage
(mardigras.org.au)
HautesVacanceshas
exclusiveboutique
PoolParty
hotel accommodaGetwet and wild in
the Ivy Bar's rooftop
tion and VIPaccess
to the Mardi Gras
pool.At the Mardi
GrasPoolParty,
parties and recovery
events.It's the only
you can relax with
travel company
a cocktail, go for
an eveningswim,
worldwideto offer a
loungewith Sydney's privateviewingof the
sexiest people
Mardi GrasParade
on OxfordStreet
poolside,or simply
(participationin the
danceall night long!
Paradeis optional),
(mardigras.org.au)
and exclusivetours of
the city, its nightlife,
QueerThinking
BondiBeach,and
Seethe world's
the Blue Mountains.
leadingqueer
Party Mardi in style.
thinkers,academics,
(hautesvacances.com)
andarts figures,
January/February
2011
I 71
REVIEWSMusic Watch
New SQins
Fresh takes on old faves make for sweet music. By Rachel Shatto
It's always great to find a new song that
speaks to you, but there's nothing quite
like singing along with a favorite tune. This
month is all about revisiting old favoriteswith a fresh twist.
"While My Guitar Gently Weeps;' plus the
rockabilly swinging "Yo Oigo;' a brand new
track. And always front and center is vocalist
Nina Diaz's breathy, smoky, sometimes ethe~
real voice, which conjures Siouxsie Sioux with
a hint of Patsy Cline. Don't wait to check out
Adventuresin Cover/and,Girl in a Coma Girl in Coma like I did, because Coverland
(BlackheartRecords):
I was late to the game is an auditory adventure well worth taking.
with Girl in a Coma, an all~female, mostly (girlinacoma.com)
queer band, but it was well worth the wait.
Their latest release, Adventures in Coverland, GreatestHits... SoFar!!!,Pink(SonyMusic):It's
is a compilation of covers from a diverse nearly impossible to feel unhappy listening
number of source materials, from The to Pink, the pop star who has made musical
Beatles, to Pasty Cline to Selena. While cover gold out of anthems for outsiders, tomboys
albums rarely do justice to the original tracks, and queers. She has spent the last decade
Adventures gleefully bucks this trend with an creating booty~shaking singles that exem~
album packed from start to finish with catchy, plify "club hit" but still manage to espouse
oh~so~memorable tunes that effortlessly blend subversive feminist messages-wrapped
in
the familiarity of favorite hits with a new, deceptively mainstream pop packages. In
addition to classics like the prissy~girl send~up
uniquely melodic GIAC twist. Highlights
include covers of David Bowie's Labyrinth hit "Stupid Girls" and her call to dance floor
"As the World Falls Down" and The Beatles' action in "Get This Party Started;' the album
721curve
features her latest single, "Raise Your Glass;'
a fist~shaking celebration of embracing your
misfit status. For anyone who lived through
the '00s this album is a welcome, nostalgic
tour of nights out at the club with girlfriends
who, if they were anything like mine, knew
every word to "Trouble:' Greatest Hits is a
well~deservedcelebration of a brilliant career...
so far. (pinkspage.com)
AmandaPalmerPerformsThePopularHits Of
RadioheadOn Her Magical Ukulele,Amanda
Palmer(8ft records):The always delightfully
weird and musically audacious Amanda
Palmer continues to surprise and delight with
her latest offering, a seven~track set of her
acoustic reinterpretations of six Radiohead
songs-on the ukulele. The album was born
of a vision Palmer had of playing "Creep" on
the ukulele while standing on the bar in a
Middle Eastern club. After which, on a whim,
she bought the instrument and discovered a
new, unexpected passion for it. The result is an
intimate, alternately sweet and abrasive, album
that's as unique and endearing as its maker.
The standout track, "High and Dry;' pairs
Palmer's ukulele stylings with piano backing.
The sparseness of instrumentation lends each
song a sense of immediacy and proximityit's the closest thing to a one-on-one jam session with Palmer. Available digitally and on a
limited edition vinyl release only, this album
is a treat for Palmer fans and experimental
music alike. (amandapalmer.net)■
Q+A
Kate Cooper
As one-half of the Australian duo An Horse,
Kate Cooper is in a particularly sweet position. Having made a successful EP, Not Really
Scared,and an LP, RearrangeBeds, having
gone on tour with indie icons Tegan and
Sara, and now, with a new album produced
by the heralded Howard Redekopp in the
works, An Horse is poised to take its career
to the next level. If the always humble
Cooper, can get over the fact that people
actually do love her music, that is. More
interested in reading in bed than in partying
after shows, Cooper is not what you'd expect
from a successful young musician on the
rise-and she likes it that way.
Howdidyougetstartedplaying
music?
My dad had a vinyl collection that I learned
a lot about music from. He took me to the
Rolling Stones when I was 16 and after that
I talked my dad into getting me an electric
guitar. I'm pretty sure I was 19 before I
could play anything remotely interesting.
True Colors
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Wehaveto admit,we were
worriedwhenwe heardthe
film adaptationfor theTonynominatedplayForColored
GirlsWhoHaveConsidered
SuicideWhentheRainbow
Is Enufwasin the handsof
TylerPerry,a filmmakermore
knownfor stereotyping
his
femalecharactersthanfor his
explorationof femaleidentity.
Whatwas his planfor this
belovedfeminist1970splay?
EvenpoetandColoredGirls
playwrightNtozakeShange
expressed
concernabout
Perry's"characterizations
of
womenas plastic."
Turnsout,muchto the relief
of fansof the sourcematerial,
Perry,for the mostpart,pulled
it off. Hegaveaudiencesa
darkfilm with toughstorylines,
brilliantlyperformedby a bevy
of talentedactors.Perry's
workcanbe melodramatic
to a
fault,andit seemsthat where
hetonedit downin the film
he channeled
that senseof
dramaintothe soundtrack.
And
we'regladhe did.It's a solid
compilationof femaleartists
includingMacyGray(whoplays
a back-alleyabortionistin the
film),GladysKnight,Estelle,
SharonJonesandthe Dap
Kingsandothers.
Manyof the songsonthe
soundtrack
tell storiesof
struggleandhelpto supportthe
personalconflictsof thefilm,
whichincluderape,abandonment,loveandinfidelity.The
darkertracksarebalanced
wellwithjazzycutslike"All
DayLong(BlueSkies)"by
Estelleandthe upbeat"Without
a Fight"by up-and-coming
lesbianfave,JanelleMonae.
Thesoundtrackpaystribute
to the originalplay'slyrical
form,includinga trackof the
castperformingpoetryfragments.Includedin the mix
areWhoopiGoldberg,
Janet
JacksonandLorettaDivine.
A standouttrackonthe
albumis NinaSimone's"Four
Women"whichexplores
stereotypes
of AfricanAmerican
women.Thesongwasmisunderstoodby somewho,whenit
wasreleasedin 1966,thought
it racistandwasinitially
banned.Now,this powerful
bluespiecehasbeenrecreated
andfeaturesbothNinaSimone
andherdaughter.
If thefilm is aboutstruggle,
the soundtrackis abouttranscendence.
[JillianEugenios]
Whatinspires
you?
I draw inspiration from everyone and
everything around me. Most normal
people have a diary and get it out that
way. I have to write about it and sing
it and project it to the world, when I
should probably just keep a diary and it'd
be better for everyone. I think I write to
keep my demons at bay.
Rearrange
Bedsseemsto havean undercurrentof romanticyearning.
Wasthat
intentional?
I guess historically people sing about
relationships. I think maybe we write
about love because we can't speak about
it clearly, so we sing about it. I write
about what's going on around me, and
those things are mostly relationships.
I think people often assume what my
songs are about. I've always sort of resisted
putting my lyrics up because I want
people to figure it out for themselves, and
often it will be different to them than it is
to me. And I like that.
Doyoufeelthatyoursexuality
playsany
sortof rolein whoyouareas an artistand
a publicfigure?
I just am who I am. I know that
sometimes it plays more into people's
personas, but it never has for me. I was
really lucky in my upbringing in that
it was completely acceptable to be a
huge homosexual. I feel really blessed
because there are definitely people who
have had a much harder deal with it. It
seems better though in general for kids
these days, which is great. It seems like
a more welcoming environment than it
did before. But, then again, you see the
story about the girl getting in trouble
for wanting to bring her girlfriend to
the prom and realize that there's still a
long way to go. ( anhorse.com)
[JanelleSorenson]
January/February
2011
I 73
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Bod and Soul
Researchers get serious about lesbian well-being.
By Rachel Pepper
Lesbian
Gay
It's time to get serious about lesbian
health-from
head to toe.
lesbian Health 101:A Clinician'sGuide,
EditedbySuzanneL. DibbleandPatriciaA.
Robertson
(UCSFNursingPress}:Despite
our country's growing preoccupation with
health care, surprisingly little has been
written on lesbian health. The recent publication of
Lesbian Health 101: A Clinician'sGuide should help
fill the gap. The editors, founding co-directors of the
Traveling
Blind:Adventures
Lesbian Health & Research Center at UCSF, offer
in Visionwitha GuideDog
a "synthesis of the latest information from lesbian
byMy Side,SusanKrieger
(PurdueUniversity
Press}: researchers and clinicians about all aspects of women's
health:' The chapters 'Tm So Sad, Just Let Me Be"
Boththe caninecompanyof
Teelaandthe lovingpresence and "Where Are These Voices Coming From" are
of authorSusanKrieger's among the best in pointing out the ways in which
partnerHannahaddan
lesbians require culturally appropriate care for mental
endearingelementto a story
health issues. Although aimed primarily at clinicians,
of resiliencein thefaceof
this book is gives decent overview of a spectrum of
disability.Krieger'saccount health-related issues, including domestic violence,
is multifaceted,
personal pregnancy, osteoporosis, urinary incontinence, cancer,
andreflective,yet at the
and ageing. Snappy chapter titles include "She Didn't
sametime descriptiveof her
Mean to Hit Me;' "I Ruined My Knees Playing
surroundings-mountains,
Softball;' and "What's That Bump Down There?" The
desertsandthe vastoutdoors
chapters
are short, so this book will not suffice for
aswell asthe geography
of
anyone
looking
for in-depth information; however,
herinnerworld.Relyingon
each
chapter
includes
a resource section listing other
tactilecuesandconstantly
books
and
organizations
that readers may find useful.
modifyingherperception
Hopefully, this book will find a home on the shelves
of the worldin linewith her
deteriorating
vision,Krieger of practitioners everywhere, leading to better cultural
hoversbetweenfunctionality competency in the treatment of lesbians, no matter
andincapacitation-anebu- what their health concerns.
lousplacethat societycannot
cleanlycategorize.Traveling
Blindis an eloquentaccount
of herresponse
to this
IrisLujan,whohasbeena supermodel
societaltreatment,learning
all heradultlife,is feelingburnedout
to workwith a guidedogand
anddemeaned
by herprofession
so
ultimatelyherjourneyto find
sheseeksrefugeat hermanager's
newwaysof seeing.
housefor a littleR&R.Thereshemeets
(thepress.purdue.
edu)
Torien,the manager's
gardener,
and
theycautiously
getto knoweachother
[EleniStephanides]
Under
byworkingsidebysidein thegarden.
HerSkin
Thetwo discoveran undeniable
sexual
LeaSantos
attraction.
It is the perfectromance
to
(BoldStrokes
dropintothesuitcaseor handbag
for a
Books}
longweekend.(boldstrokesbooks)
74
I curve
lesbian, Gay,Bisexual,Trans
and Queer Psychology:An
Introduction,Victoria Clarke,
SonjaJ. Ellis,Elizabeth
Peel,and
DamienW. Riggs(Cambridge
UniversityPress}:This is not
the first LGBT psychology
book ever published. However, it is the
most up-to-date, and is a good primer for those
seeking an overview of our community's unique
mental health concerns. The authors are researchers
and psychologists from the U.K. and Australia.
Well-versed in U.S. research, they also incorporate
a wider range of perspectives. Beginning with
the premise that LGBT people should be "given
the consideration that is often missing within
mainstream psychology;' the book clearly defines
the relationship between LGBT psychology and
feminism, queer theory, critical psychology and
positive social change, then discusses the effects of
prejudice and discrimination on our community's
mental health. Sidebars highlight empirical studies
and key researchers working in the field. The book is
bi- and trans-inclusive; and chapters such as "Young
People, Coming Out and Identity Development;'
"Parenting and Family;' and 'J\geing and Old Age"
cover the LGBT lifespan. The authors conclude with
their vision of the future for LGBT psychologyspecifically discussing new approaches to clinical,
educational, health, recreational, and family psychologies, as well as challenging the established
psychological "norms" of white, male-dominated
language and research methods. ■
Trans&
Queer
Psychology
'""""-'<..1aob.~J•Tu<.
f..kaMhlwl.DalN<ftl'.:,..,,.
TwentyFourDays
JanetAlbert
(Yellow
RoseBooks}
Dr.MirandaRossjoinsa 24-day
Mediterranean
cruiseasthetemporaryship'sdoctor.Thereshemeets
FitnessDirectorJamieJeffriesand
immediately
dislikesher,thinking
sheis narcissistic
anda flirt, butthen
hasa shipboard
relationship
withher
anyway.Mirandahasalreadymoved
onwith herlifewhensherealizesthat
Jamie'sbadreputation
is unfounded.
Thisstraightforward,
sweetromance
evolvesslowly.(regalcrest.biz)
Black, Gifted and Gay
A new book celebrates the achievements of LGBT African Americans.
<(
Cf)
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if
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if
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u
The African American
experience is
often lost in the
conversation about
what it means to
be queer in today's
culture. And being
gay is often lost in the
conversation of what
it means to be African
American. Thankfully,
a new book profiling
the lives and
accomplishments of 20 living icons of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and
transgender community-who happen to be of African descent-will
help to bridge that gap.
Black, Gifted and Gay is the project of media pioneer Leyla Farah
(with assistance from prolific LGBT celebrity reporter Sarah Toce). It
shines a spotlight on artists, entertainers, thinkers and political leaders
who remind us that our community is enriched by the many strengths
of its people, and is still largely unsung for its struggles.
Originally inspired by Lorraine Hansberry's book To Be Young, Gifted
and Black and the poem "I Dream A World" by Langston Hughes, this
groundbreaking tome of African American portraiture highlights 20
icons who've had the courage to publicly claim their place in the LGBT
community as they become well-known figures in the mainstream
culture.
Take, for instance, the openly gay, multitalented 30-year-old from
Baltimore, Md., Felicia "Snoop" Pearson. She is a true example of what
can happen when you work hard to make your life better- regardless
of the circumstances of your birth. Born underweight, at a mere 3
pounds, not expected to live, and with
drug-addicted, incarcerated parents,
Pearson grew up in foster care,
became a drug dealer, and at age
14, was convicted of second-degree
murder. And yet she went on to have
careers in music and acting and wrote
a best-selling memoir, Grace After
Midnight. She is now completing her
second book.
Other high profile subjects include
superstar comedian Wanda Sykes;
professional basketball legend Sheryl
Swoopes; author, journalist and public speaker Linda Villarosa; and
E. Denise Simmons, the former mayor of Cambridge, Mass., who
now serves on the Cambridge City Council. February is Black History
Month, and such a celebration of the LGBT African diaspora is very
welcome indeed. (blackgiftedandgay.com) [MerrynJohns]
2010STATEMENT
OFOWNERSHIP
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Telephone:
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FrancesStevens,
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Ste.510,SanFrancisco,
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Jan/Feb2011
3
January/February
2011
I 75
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
SQies,Lies and Latex
These genre-spanning flicks are sure to satisfy. By Rachel Shatto
rr::::l
ElenaUndone
(WolfeVideo) ~
Elena(NecarZadegan),
the unhappywifeof a
conservative
pastor,forms
a friendshipwith out
lesbianauthorPeyton(Traci
Dinwiddie).
Soonthetwo
findthemselves
powerfully
andpassionately
drawn
togetherin this politically
chargedlovestory.Strongly
sentimental,
Elenais heavy
onthe melodrama-and
steamylovescenes.Plus,it
featuresthe longestkisson
film.(wolfevideo.com)
It's all about bad girls kicking butt this month. From
an explosive action flick to a passionate kink~fest, for
the ladies who let their cinematic freak flag fly-and
both with the queer twist we crave.
Salt (Sony Pictures): Everyone's favorite A~List
bisexual helms this Cold WaMhrowback actioner.
Angelina Jolie plays CIA agent Evelyn Salt, who is
forced to go on the run when a defector implicates
her as a Russian sleeper agent. There's hardly any~
thing sexier than Jolie in the role of a badass action
star (well, aside from Jolie ravishing a female co~star)
and in Salt we get to see her in her element-building
bombs out of office supplies and outfoxing the Secret
Service. Jolie deftly handles the material, which is
strongly reminiscent of '80s action films, and proves
once again that she thrives in roles
typically considered for male actors.
In this case, Salt was originally con~
ceived as a vehicle for Tom Cruise,
but was reimagined when he dropped
out and Jolie stepped in. With this
role Jolie continues to carve out and
define the image of the female action
hero, infusing Salt with equal parts
bravado and vulnerability-and we're
76
I curve
loving it. Packed with plot twists, nail~biting suspense,
and thrilling action sequences, Salt is a treat for fans
of the butchest genre. (sonypictures.com)
My Normal(Wolfe):Natalie, a sexy young lesbian
(played by the fiery~haired stunner Nicole Laliberte),
is struggling to balance her screenwriting aspirations,
a new relationship, and her career as an in~demand
dominatrix. This ribald dramedy boasts plenty of
lezzie lust, cheeky humor and more latex than you
can shake a leather riding crop at. The film, while
light on actual plot, is carried by Laliberte, whose
charisma leaps off the screen-perfectly embodying
the cocky, confident Natalie, who, despite her uncon~
ventional career path, never feels ashamed of the life
she has chosen. While the film is far from explicit,
there is an ever~present aura of
fetish imbuing every frame-in
no small part due to the pres~
ence of the real~life dominatrix
who was on set to keep the
kink factor legit. Ultimately, My
Normal is a naughtily charming
tale about being true to yourself,
no matter what your normal is.
(wolfereleasing.com)
■
Machete
(20thCenturyFox)
Betrayed,
double-crossed
andleftfor dead,ex-Federale
Machete
findshimself
caughtup in political
intriguewhileon hisquest
for revenge.
Gruesome,
unexpectedly
cleverand
witha castfeaturinga
lethalMichelleRodriguez
(in
leather),
JessicaAlbakicking
assanda rarelyclothed
LindsayLohan,it's a queer
girl's '70sexploitationstyleddelight.
(foxconnect.
com)
[RachelShatto]
Q+A
Zypher Williams
Filmmaker Zypher Williams is making
a name for herself with her latest project,
Honey Child (honeychild.tv), a new reality
TV show that she hopes will silence the
grumbling about the lack of diversity on
The Real L Word by documenting lesbians
from all walks of life, especially outside of
West Hollywood.
Whatwastheimpetusfor HoneyChild?
Honey Child originally started as a
response to a level of discontent among
some African American women that
Showtime's L Word spin-off, The Real L
Word, featured no black cast members.
I hadn't noticed, until visiting certain
social networking sites and hearing from
various friends, who said they refused to
watch since the show didn't reflect them
personally. Honestly, I was just glad to
see more lesbian fare from Ilene Chaiken.
But after I started urging people to go
out and document their own stories, if
they wanted to see themselves reflected
in the media-since equipment is
cheap nowadays and the Internet allows
everyone to broadcast-I
suddenly
realized that the person I was urging to go
out and shoot stories was mysel£
Tellusmoreaboutthename"HoneyChild."
I thought it was a catchy, retro-funky
name that matches the '60s, change-theworld, free-love feel of the show. And who
isn't addicted to the taste of honey?
Yourshowaimsto coverthespectrum
of
multicultural
lesbianlife,Wasthattoolarge
a goal?
Well, originally, the idea was to cover
just one city, to show real black lesbian
life in L.A., where I live. But I was using
Facebook a lot at the time, which sort
of allows a worldwide circle of friends.
That's the thing about lesbian life-there
are no boundaries. Our stories are plenty
diverse ... we can now take the opportunity
to branch out to reflect more of the
peripheral stories about people who are
often otherwise neglected.
Afteranextensive
casting
call,youchosenine
women.Howdidyoudecidewhoto cast?
Well, I wanted to make sure the cast
was diverse enough to attract
a diverse audience. I hoped
for a range of ages, races, sexual
preferences, locales, socioeconomic
backgrounds, and life challenges. And,
thankfully, all those types rolled in.
Youoriginally
wantedto focusonAfrican
American
lesbians.
Whydidyoudeviate?
Well, I was helped with that decision, since
I was already creatively wed to the original
concept by friends and e-friends who
mentioned it was one-sided to just show
one racial point of view. And I'm the kind
of person who, once shown a higher point
of view, will evolve. But I think everything
happened as it should.
If I hadn't specifically
called for black lesbians,
I might not have received
as many responses from
black women.
Haveyoufounda homefortheshowyet?
We haven't, as of yet. We're actually waiting
to approach the networks until the project
has snowballed to the point where it's hard
to miss. But I'd like to see the show end up
on a mainstream outlet. I think that would
represent a step forward in advancing
hearts and minds is the show's raison d'etre.
[KristinSmith]
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marketplace
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Appointments in Australia at:
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OR by telephone and email.
January/February
2011
I 77
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
Birdsof Prey
Black Swan is scary, sexy but not so Sapphic. By Jillian Eugenics
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis sharing a
sex scene! As rival ballerinas! I think all our
hearts beat a little faster when that news hit.
Visions of Save the Last Dance meets Bound
filled our heads with lusty anticipation. Well,
the good news is Portman's turn as lesbian~
dabbling dancer is exquisite. But, now, the
bad news-Black Swan is not a lesbian film.
Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler, Requiem
for a Dream) has given us a daring psycho~
logical thriller that skirts into horror territory,
mixing the terror of a crumbling mind a la
Roman Polanski's Repulsion and its physical
manifestations on the body, which present
themselves in the freakish evolution of the
flesh, reminiscent of the body horror exem~
plified by David Cronenberg. The story follows
Nina Sayers (Portman), a professional ballerina
who is obsessed with perfection and fulfilling
the lead role of the Swan Queen in her
company's production of Swan Lake.
Swan Lake is about an evil sorcerer who
controls two women who are swans by day
and women by night. The white swan is
pure and fragile, while the black swan is evil
and seductive. The ballet director, Thomas
(Vincent Cassel), casts Nina as the Swan
Queen-only
to tell her she isn't seductive
or sexy enough to play both swans because
her dancing is too technical. In dialogue
that foreshadows the excess to come he tells
78
I curve
Nina to "Go home and touch yoursel£ Live
a little:'
Kunis portrays sexy rival dancer Lily. Self
assured, relaxed and confident, Lily is a less
technical dancer who makes up for it with her
raw sexual energy. She is the embodiment of
the Black Swan, representing the Swan Queen's
desire, lust and freedom-attributes
Nina
lacks. Nina becomes convinced this dancing
rogue from San Francisco is there to destroy
her and take her role as the Swan Queen.
Nina becomes steadily more obsessed and
resentful of Lily and, like Nina, the audience
is unsure and suspicious of Lily's motivations.
Is she trying to steal her role or her heart?
Both? Neither? We're kept guessing. The only
thing certain is the crackling chemistry
building between them.
The other woman in Nina's life is her
mother (Barbara Hershey), who is a former
ballerina hersel£ Starched and thin, Nina's
infantilizing mother is unsettling and emo~
tionally abusive, calling Nina her sweet girl
while feeding her half a grapefruit, clipping
her nails and winding her music box before
she goes to sleep at night.
As Nina becomes more involved in her
role, reality begins to come apart at the
seams. Nina thinks she is being followed.
Aronofsky's use of a shaky hand~held camera
and a grimy New York location collides with
Nina's hallucinations and paranoia. Portman
conveys her growing hysteria in the tenseness
in her neck and subtle emotions that scuttle
across her face-it's a singular performance.
Where the film stumbles is its third act's
descent into horror. The subtle, haunting
curiosities of Nina's hallucinations balloon
into preposterous absurdity. It's a jarring and
unwelcome departure from the groundwork
of the first two acts.
But perhaps most disappointing of all is
the eagerly anticipated lesbian storyline. Nina
is as infatuated with Lily as she is threatened
by her. This infatuation culminates in the
much~hyped lesbian sex scene. While the
two admittedly sizzle on screen, the scene
is an extension of Nina's exploration with
her darker side. It's a destructive exploration
rather than a connection with Lily and feels
more like narcissism than lesbianism. It also
disappointingly harks back to the antiquated
cinematic cliche that lesbian sexuality is the
path to destruction and tragedy.
As a thriller the film succeeds, keeping us
guessing, anchored and interested. The close
shots and exaggerated breathing sounds lend
the film a visceral appeal and the tension
remains palpable throughout its running
time. It's a beautifully made and acted film,
but don't see it if what you're looking for a
lesbian story-it just isn't there. ■
w
~
ffi
~
0
~
z
Tech Girl REVIEWS
Titillating
Technology
Gadgets to put your libido in gear. By Rachel Shatto
As every tech-savvy dyke knows there is a
gadget for everything today. From reading
books to vacuuming your house there is a
gizmo there, ready to do it for you or enhance
your experience. With that in mind we take a
look at nine gadgets to set the mood, enhance
your pleasure or generally help you get your
groove on.
4. Lighther Fire:Corny? OK yeah, we admit
it is a bit, but hey sometimes you want to
ravish your lady in front of the fireplace and
not everyone is able to enjoy a built in roaring
fire. Which is where the Heat Surge Roll-nGlow electric Fireplace comes in. Plus, who
doesn't enjoy fine Amish craftsmanship, am
I right? (heatsurge.com)
1.GoodVibrations:
Bring the naughtily clandestine appeal of illicit motel room romps home
with the Magic Fingers home kit. What it
lacks in visual appeal it makes up for in sheer
vibrating goodness. Fire it up and say,"hello
lover" to your lady. (magic.fingers.com)
5. App-solutely
Sexy:Turns out that smart
phone of yours isn't only good for booty
calls, with literally dozens of sexy lesbianthemed apps available-featuring everything
from the Sapphic Kama Surra to
lesbian-themed digital love dice.
You can easily turn your phone
into to a veritable love machine.
2. Candlelight2.0: Romance is never more,
well, romantic than when it's by sultry candlelight but when you're working with open
flames you're just begging to get burned.
LED candles like these from Frost Fire,
which come complete with a remote and are
available in a variety of colors, will let you
light her fire, without the risk of setting her
ablaze. (frosifireusa.com)
3. MoodLighting:
Does teal titillate? Does azure
arouse? Does hazel make her ... uh, happy? Set
the tone with Philips LivingColors Changing
LED Lamp. This sexy little lighting system
boasts four LED lights which when used
together can create a whopping 16 million
color combinations! So, go ahead and turn on
the red light, Roxanne. (usa.philips.com)
8
~
a:
0
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~
(apple.com/itunes)
6. Smart Vibe: The SaSi vibrator
from Je Joue has been hailed as the
iPhone of sex toys and the most technologically advanced vibrator on the market-not
to mention, it's adorable. But what makes
this vibe so tech savvy? It's programmed with
"sensual intelligence;' which means it remembers what you like best. An over-achieving
vibrator? Um, yes please. 0ejoue.com)
7. Romanceon the Rocks:With the Ravi
Instant Wine Chiller you can be the suave
sommelier at a moment's notice. The stainless steel cylinder (which is stored in your
freezer) attaches to the end of a bottle and
instantly chills the wine when it's poured
through it. Which means, when you finally
get her home, you can turn the luke-warm
bottle ofT wo Buck Chuck (or favorite
liquor) that you've got lying around,
into a glass of chilled, sophisticated
seduction. (ravisolution.com)
JIMMYJANE
8. Virtual Minty Freshness:Say
goodbye to low -tech, unreliable
hand-blowing breath checking.
New from Fitscan is the Breath
Checker, a palm-size monitor
that detects and measures breath
odors. So before you move in for
that first kiss you better check
yourself, because no one wants to
smooch a yuck-mouth. ( tanita.com)
0
Level
::n
n
0
:,
9. PowerTool:Jimmy Jane's Form 2
may look like a little bunny rabbit,
but don't let its cutesy appearance
confuse you-this
vibe means
business. Featuring two motors this
AVN "O" Award-winner
(for outstanding
innovation) offers double the
stimulation or, as folks
at JimmyJane call it,
"Sensation in Stereo" and
that sounds like music
to our ears. Rechargeable
and fully water-proof it's
a gadget-lover's dream.
(jimmyjane.com)■
January/February
2011
I 79
TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
...
Hannah D.
Forman
Why this zinester and Women
in Horror Month founder gets
our feminist hearts pounding.
By Rachel Shatto
When I met Hannah D. Forman (aka Hannah Neurotica) a year ago,
buzz was building among my fellow female horror bloggers that one
of our own was organizing a celebration of the unsung women of
horror. Those whispers quickly became Women in Horror Month, a
groundswell that swept across genre podcasts, biogs and news sites.
With WiHM upon us again, Forman-creator of the feminist horror
zine Ax Wound and Shitfucked: A Vile Love Story, a lesbian-themed
horror film that will likely peg her as John Waters' heir apparentreminds us why we can't get enough of her. (hannahneurotica.com)
1. She'sa proudpansexual.
"I don't hide any~
thing about my sexuality-to
a point that
might make others uncomfortable because
they are not comfortable with their own
sexuality. My art will always be about sex.
And in my art and everyday life I am very
open about my sexual identity. Shame gets
us nowhere:'
2. She'skeepingRiotGrrlalive."Ax Wound:
Gender & The Horror Genre is a cut~and~
paste, old~school DIY paper zinc ... [It's] very
much a collage of academic work, nonacademic
work, and personal stories by feminists who
love horror. Before Ax Wound, there was no
publication and I wanted so badly to talk to
other women about this subject. I was like,
Fine, if the world isn't going to pay attention to
women who enjoy horror then I will have to
carve this space out and get the party started:'
"I'm not looking to overthrow the government or
anything. Just help create
a world that doesn't hate
girls and women."
so I curve
6. She's outspokenabout body diversity.
"People are not allowed to look human
anymore. And it's only getting worse. We
don't value anyone who falls outside what
is deemed acceptable. It's scary... especially
when we don't teach media literacy and how
to handle the influx of images now. Body
image in film and media is a war zone:'
7. She'sa feministwitha capitalF."It kills me
that ['feminism' to some is a] bad word ... I
try so hard to fight that F~word bullshit. If
you believe in equality for women you are a
feminist. Young women should embrace the
term. Because their 'rights' can be taken away
at any time:'
8. She'sa passionate
advocatefor women's
reproductive
rights."!worked for a women's
health clinic that provides abortions and have
been subject to a lot of hate and abuse from
3. She'staking her messageto the digital protestors. It's just so hard for women to get
masses.
''Ax Wound Radio is an extension of
health care without abuse and constant fear
the zinc. One of my goals is to bring over~ of lost funding:'
looked groups in horror to the forefront. Us
9. She'san artist."I don't want other girls to
women, queers and people of color:'
grow up thinking they are not creative when
4. She's subversive.'Tm not looking to they really just need to find their voice and
overthrow the government or anything. Just
their own medium. Just like sexuality, you
help create a world that doesn't hate girls and
can be fluid, in between. Find the way you
women. People who are threatened by that
can express yourself best and just do itwould probably say that I was being subversive, regardless of what anyone says:'
as artists with strong political views are:'
10. She embracestaboos.'Tm passionate
5. SheclaimedFebruaryas Womenin Horror about getting people to use art to speak
Month."Horror media doesn't just ignore
about ... things considered taboo. I've been
women-they
don't even know we are here.
working on a new personal zinc called Death
Is the New Sex, about the taboo of death in
We are fucking invisible. WiH Month was
a call to action, a time for women-and
our culture, and am beginning the editing of
men-to
come together and really take a a book for Planned Parenthood. I hope men
and women of all ages will submit short zincs
look at the contributions women have made
or comics on sexuality, STDs, abortion, gyno
to the genre. The outpouring of support
was unreal."
experiences and be part of this anthology:' ■
DREVA WEBER
A
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OUR SEXIEST ISSUE EVER
SECRETS OF A LESBIAN MATCHMAKER
The
Ultimate
Orgasm
Guide
AMAZING
EROTIC
TIPS
TOTRY
n EXC
oneym
Features JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2011
40
Lust & Latex
It's easy to look hot without fur or leather. Just
try these one-of-a-kind latex designs by queer
couturieres Collective Chaos Design.
46
The Real Deal
Out of everyone on the hit reality show The
Real L Word, Nikki and Jill have found true
love, and manage to keep their bedroom door
shut. Which is why we were thrilled to be given
this exclusive inside report on their wedding,
and their wedded bliss. By Rachel Shatto
66
Nepal: Good for Gays?
Don't let a little altitude sickness get in the
way of exploring this increasingly gay-friendly
destination. By Maria Del La 0
70
Party Mardi
Party Down Under at Sydney's historic Gay &
Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade. You can even join
the curve float. By Gee Busby
Sex& Romance
This month we present a special sex guide
and for those of you ready to tie the knot, a
bonus wedding section.
32
11 Tantalizing Taboos to Tip Her
Over the Edge
Whether you're vanilla or not, these adventurous tips will put you in the passion zone.
By Yana Tallon-Hicks
34
History of the (Lesbian) Orgasm
The elusive "big O" is not so elusive for
lesbians, according to research. By Sara
Whitford
56
A New Zealand Wedding
lndie rockers Kiss Kill chose the Land of the
Long White Cloud to tie the knot. But it's
been sunshine ever since. By Merryn Johns
60
Well Suited
Butches can now dress for success on
their special day with The Butch Clothing
Company's bespoke tailoring service. By
Merryn Johns
~
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COVER
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BYJEFFHOLT
I
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21
curve
SILKESPEAKING
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2011
LESBIAN
I
MAGAZINE
VOLUME 21 NUMBER 1
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenics
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Music Review Editor Margaret Coble
Contributing Editors Julia Bloch, Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Sheryl Kay, Gretchen Lee, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
EditorialAssistants Lisa Gunther, Liska Koenig
PUBLISHING
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
Senior Advertising Executive Diana L. Berry
Advertising Sales Rivendell Media
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Jamie Anderson, Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Bree
Clarke, Jennifer Corday, Lyndsey D' Arcangelo, Beren deMotier,
Ainsley Drew, Jillian Eugenics, Michele Fisher, Lauren Marie
Fleming, Tania Hammidi, Kathi lsserman, Gillian Kendall, Kate
Lacey, Sheela Lambert, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus,
Sassafras Lowrey, Ariel Messman-Rucker, Candace Moore, Alison
Peters, Catherine Plato, Aimsel L. Ponti, Heather Robinson, Laurie
K. Schenden, Lori Selke, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Robin MinerSwartz, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Kyra Thomson, Jocelyn Voo, Melany
Walters-Beck
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Paul Michael Aguilar, Erica Beckman, Brie Childers, Meagan
Cignoli, Cheryl Craig, JD Disalvatore, Tony Donaldson, Sophia
Hantzes, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van
Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
Phone (415) 871-0569 Fax (415) 863-1609
Advertising Sales (415) 692-5420
Subscription Inquiries (818) 286-31 02
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 21 Issue 1 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)() is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York, NY
10034. Subscription price: $49.95/year, $62.95 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $71.95
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355).
Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part,
without written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of
any persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as
an indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated.
Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for
response. Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot
be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No responsibility is
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assumed for loss or damages. The contents do not necessarily represent the opinions of
the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription Inquiries:
Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034, email curve@
curvemag.com. Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster:Send Canadianaddress
changes to shop@curvemag.com,
Curve, PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8. Send U.S.
address changes to crvcs@magserv.com,Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood, CA 91615-7138.
Printedin the U.S.
curvemag.com
The SilkeTouch
I've always believed that publishing is more than just providing editorial concepts
readers want. I believe it's also about providing editorial concepts that surprise.
Many of you were surprised to learn that after 20 years, curve passed into
new ownership: that of my independent publishing company Avalon Media,
which produces Australia's lesbian magazines LOTL and BOUND.
While change can be disconcerting, especially after two decades, it can also
be a good thing. This year, Avalon Media is concentrating on delivering the
best possible lesbian magazine to you. I believe in the power of print and I
am dedicated to keeping America's besdoved lesbian magazine going strong.
Through a balance of community spirit and editorial innovation we will bring
you a new, fresh and surprising curve.
And we have the proven team to do that. Many of curve's staff and
contributors are staying with us, preserving important ties to curve's history
while embracing change and pursuing new opportunities. Plus, we added to
them other friendly, dedicated and experienced staffers: in Sydney, where I
live with my wife, Tanya, and our two children; in New York where editor~in~
chief Merryn Johns, who has worked with me for 10 years, is based; and we
still have a strong editorial and creative contingent in San Francisco, curve's
hometown. The curve family stretches from coast to coast, and hemisphere
to hemisphere. Our unique virtual and paperless office (yes, we're trying to be
green) gives us the structure and flexibility to deliver you the best local and
international content each issue.
When I started out as a small, independent publisher in the 1990s, I read
curve with admiration and enthusiasm. I looked up to Frances Stevens,
whose vision and dedication to America's lesbian community left an indelible
impression on me. Perhaps that's why I am here now, and you are reading my
letter. I am humbled to have been offered the reins of curve, honored that
I was given the opportunity to carry on the
work that Frances pioneered. I speak for all
at Avalon Media when I say we respect and
value curve's history and readership, and
we look forward to 2011 and its opportuni~
ties and challenges. To another 20 yearsand many more surprises!
Silke K. Bader
Publisher
silke@curvemag.com
October, 2010: Frances "Franco"
Stevens and Silke Bader shake hands
on the new ownership of Curve
January/February
2011
I3
Departments JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2011
A.J
IN EVERY ISSUE
3
8
9
10
12
17
20
21
22
27
80
24
Silke Speaking
Editor's Letter
Contributors
Letters
Stars
30
28
18
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Politics
~
Happy New Year! Well, it could be if you
help lesbians around the globe.
:i~
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72
Music: Wake up to Girl in a Coma, plus
out cutie Kate Cooper and Amanda Palmer
unplugged.
76
Books: Get serious about your wellbeing,
grieve and get over your ex and celebrate
the gifted, gay and black amongst us.
79
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Film: Angelina Jolie is still our favorite
dream girl, and lesbian sex sizzles with
Black Swan and Elena Undone.
Celebrity Gossip
Ladies, behave! Well, it wouldn't be
Lesbofile without a few messes.
w
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Curvatures
From Gay Global Girls to booty
bling: get your sexy on.
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13
Dyke Drama
What do closet cases and tea baggers have
in common?
Lipstick & Dipstick
Top Ten Reasons We Love ...
t
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Scene
I Tried It
Relationships: What to do if your sweetie
has a sweet tooth, or won't come out.
And if you're still single, learn how to attract
your perfect mate from a lesbian yenta.
<:£2
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Out in Front
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Tech: From sexy to romantic, light her
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fire with these gorgeous gadgets.
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curve
urvemag.com
~
Win a Celesbian Date to The Dinah
We are thrilled to be teaming up with Club Skirts The Dinah and
Mariah Hanson to host an exclusive "Win A Date at The Dinah" contest
with two of the most controversial cast members of Showtime's
The Real L Word-Whitney Mixter and Rose Garcia. It's not too late
to enter for a chance to spend some quality time with these hot
celesbians in the desert, find out how at curvemag.com.
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Make Movie History
Nicole Conn, the filmmaker behind Claire of the Moon and the
new romantic hit Elena Undone has begun work on her new,
edgier project-which is where you come in. Women are being
invited to invest! Find out how you can become a producer at
curvemag.com
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The Boob Tube
Admittedly sometimes the television
landscape can be grim but there is
plenty of good feminist watching out
there. Don't miss it! Read our reviews
of "10feminist TV shows on DVD now
and catch up.
Nicole Conn
wants to
recruit you!
Jukebox Heroine
Congratulations go
out to Gina Daggett
aka Lipstick on
her first novel
Jukebox. Funded
through a grant
from Power Up, Jukebox is a
heartbreaking love story about
Harper and Grace, two privileged young
women who fall in love against the odds.
Soulmates from their first meeting at age
11, formidable forces control their lives:
shame, fear and especially money. Potent
forces that will challenge their love to its
very limits. If there is anything Daggett
knows its romance with the ladies. So,
needless to say, we'll be picking up our
copy today. How about you? (amazon.com)
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January/February
2011
I5
e
Guiding Light's Crystal Chappell
•
Do More
Lesbians
Have Eating
Disorders?
iecrets
10 Tips to Survive Pride
••
keep' em
coming.
♦
subscribetoday.
curvemag.com
EDITOR'S
NOTE
The Meaning
of Magazines
"I, likeyou,
hope to read
curve for many
years to come,
and to get that
winningtingle
as I turn each
page."
s I curve
I don't know about you, but
when I realized I was gay at a
fairly tender age, no one sent me
a note saying, "Congratulations,
you're a lesbian!" There was no
queer quinceanera,bat mitzvah,
cotillion debut-no
joyful send~off into a world
promising hope and happiness. I'm not unusual.
Coming~orage rituals are sadly lacking for little
gays and lesbians: More often than not we're met
with ignorance, interrogation and abuse when we
fully accept our adult identity and brace ourselves to
offer the world our considerable gifts. Like many, I
struggled to find harmony with family, friends and
colleagues-my sexuality always seemed to get in the
way-until I landed, about a couple of decades ago,
in LGBT publishing. There, surrounded by so many
wonderful and like~minded people, I began creating
meaningful reading material for tens of thousands of
people I would never meet, but with whom I would
feel a deep kinship.
Consequently, magazines mean a lot to me. I've
package. And now that I've taken on the mantle of
editing curve, I can channel my passion into creating
the best "congratulations" letter you're ever likely
to read.
Many of you reading this note are probably won~
dering who I am and where I come from. Well, we
might not get to know one another overnight, but
if you meet me on this page each issue, I promise it
will happen over time. One thing I can tell you right
now is that I, like you, hope to read curve for many
years to come, and to get that winning tingle as I turn
each page. That's my wish as a reader. As an editor,
my wish is more ambitious: That curve become the
best lesbian magazine in the world.
And this is where getting to know you comes in,
because I'm seeking your input to these questions:
What would the world's best lesbian magazine look
like? What would it feel like, sound like? What
would it need to give you?
I used to think it was weird that the word "maga~
zinc" also meant"storehouse;' especially for ammuni~
tion. But one thing a good magazine does for me is
to make me feel enlightened and sustained-fighting
fit to face the world and its challenges and opportu~
nities. How about you? Every time you open curve,
I'd like you to receive the message "Congratulations,
you're a lesbian!" That's a good beginning. Now let's
do the rest together.
/JJ/'J ·
always loved the way the best ones offer the world on / /' '/ ,,t_;;ra glossy platter: people, places, possibilities, and even
M~rry':'J . S
products, all at my fingertips. Thanks to the hard
work and devotion of Frances Stevens and Diane
Editor-m-c ief
merryn@cu rvemag .com
Anderson~ Minshall, curve is a vital publication,
cherished by its longtime readers, including myself. I
like to think of it as the celebratory acceptance of my
sexuality that I never received when I came out-but
that now arrives monthly in a sleek, sexy and inspiring
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CONTRIBUTORS
YanaTallon-Hicks
discovered her love for talking to strangers about sex as a Good Vibrations
sex educator and sales associate in San Francisco, where she received over 40 hours of training
on sexual health and sex toys. Now living in Northampton, Mass., Yana continues to get
people off through her weekly sex column and diligent hands~on research. Who better, then,
to take us through "11 Tantalizing Taboos to Tip Her Over the Edge" on pg. 32.
Jillian Eugeniosis the associate editor of curve magazine. Before joining curve, this
California native spent some time in the sunshine of Sydney, Australia where she headed
the online department for curve's sister publication, LOTL. Now a New Yorker, she lives
in Brooklyn with two cats, a big dog and a housemate covered in leopard print tattoos. Jillian
loves books, lesbians and seeing what people have in their baskets at the grocery store. Read
her review of the Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis thriller, Black Swan, on pg. 78.
Ever since she chomped her way through a dozen candy bars for a TV commercial as a child,
CecBusbyknew she wanted a career in the arts. She has since tried her hand at acting, directing,
photography, producing and writing. She is currently the editor of My Nikon Life maga~
zine and the Australian lesbian monthly LOTL, which recently celebrated its 20th year. Cec
is
no stranger to Australia's infamous Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade. In fact,
0
her mother marched alongside her LGBT friends in the very first parade. Read Cec's "Party
~ Mardi" on pg. 70.
i
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"My kind fellow Curvettes have dubbed me a pop culture pundit, but in reality I think pop
'iJf culture junkie may be a more honest assessment;' says curve's managing editor RachelShatto.
'<'.
~
"When The Real L Word aired I watched every episode and loved it. And, when I got the op~
to speak with cast members Nikki Weiss and Jill Sloane Goldstein about their
wedding, I was excited and honored to have them share the intimate details of their special
~ day with me-and
now with you!" Her exclusive interview with the brides, "The Real Deal;'
!g can be found on pg. 46. When Rachel isn't chatting up celesbians and keeping things (obses~
~ sively) organized at curve, she's sharing her passion for horror cinema on the Zombie Grrlz
c3 Podcast, a feminist take on the genre, or contributing games reviews to Joystiq.com.
§ portunity
t
January/February
2011
I9
LETTERS
and still do-for the lesbian community. You
made a difference-for my life and for the
lives of so many other women. All the best for
you, and many, many thanks from Germany!
-Joni.T, Germany
Vero Rocks!
coming
outhas
changed
everything
for lesbians
andmade
TVeven
better,
too
We Love Wanda
I'm writing you all the way from Denver. I'm
34 years young and new to curve magazine.
I am a Black Stud Lesbian and I have been dying
to find a magazine that reflects who I am. So,
I'm taking a big chance on curve magazine.
I see that Wanda Sykes is on the cover of
your 20th Anniversary Double Issue. I hope
curve represents the entire spectrum of
lesbians with the many ways we identify. I
look forward to reading and supporting your
magazine. Thank you for all that you do!
-Posted by StudBoi on curvemag.com
Curve Concerns
I've been with you guys since day one
and I'm feeling a little sadness right
now. I don't know what curve will
become with the new owners. All I can
hope for is a continuation of the great
magazine that I have been reading all
these years. From what I have read of
the last few of Frances Stevens' comments,
I'm not surprised to hear what is happening to
curve. I want to wish you all the very best
of luck for the success of this wonderful
magazine. I don't want it to go away! Please
keep it going!
- Elaine Lotcpeich, Marlboro, NJ.
I am reading your Nov/Dec
2010 issue and came across
your "This Is What a Lesbian
Looks Like" page featuring
Vero. In reading her bio I
knew I would probably really
dig her music. Trying to find
her music on line has been
challenging. I found a site
with a few videos, but nothing
in terms of albums and buying
her music. Help! I would
appreciate it if you have
some information to get a
hold of her tunes.
-Jessica, Maine
Congratulations!
Merryn and Silke, I have long been a sup~
porter of you both and have just subscribed
to curve as a celebration of your great news.
I am loving BOUND magazine and can say
living in North Queensland it is a real treat
to get my LOTL and
BOUND! Just wanted to
say congratulations and I
wish you both much joy
in your new challenges.
-Katrina Robertson,
How do you feel about
Queensland, Australia
Valentine's Day?
Poll
Silke and Merryn, My
partner and I just want
depression-goaway
to congratulate you on
Valentine's
day
the wonderful news of
I like it. It's fun but
the international merger
I don'ttakeit too
seriously
of Avalon Media and
curve
magazine! For
I loveit. It's the
perfectexcuseto
the past 20 years, we have
spoilmyspeciallady
been entertained, inspired,
stirred and fired up by
I'm ambivalent.
It's
just anotherday
Editor's
note:We love Vero,too!
LOTL and most recently
You can stream her songs at
by BOUND. Silke and
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
Merryn, you are both
myspace.com/ mahogany.
visionaries and by taking this daring leap,
Un-fur-givable
you are creating wonderful opportunities
I am appalled that you claim to be anti~fur
for our many diverse communities, for our
and then have a ("This Is What a Lesbian
many causes, for our many voices, for many
Looks Like''] article
women. It's a small world after all! Wishing
making exceptions
you all the very best of everything and lots
(Vol 21#9]. You of positive energy with this wonderful
are either anti~fur
endeavor.
or not anti~fur. No
- Miranda Kuijpers and Belinda Vlotman,
exceptions. I think
New South Wales, Australia
this woman is dis~
gusting and if she
really gave a rat's ass CORRECTIONS
about animals she
The words spray~painted on the side of the
car were "fag" and "u r gay" in Fagbug (Vol.
would
confiscate
any fur she can get her mitts on and bury it
20#9]. The Poetic Licence pump featured in
the "2010 Gift Guide" (Vol. 20#9] is actually
and truly be anti~fur ... clearly she is not and
neither are you!
Irregular Choice and can be purchased at
-Christy Dunham, Traverse City, Mich
musthaveshoes.com. ■
I loatheit. Pressure,
32% consumerism,
28%
23%
17%
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Curve Kudos
Dear Frances Stevens, Diane Anderson~
Minshall and curve magazine team, thank
you so much for allthe wonderful and probably
sometimes frantically busy work you did10
I curve
e-
Sendlettersto: curve magazine
POBox467,NewYork,NY10034
EMAIL:letters@curvemag.com
FAX:510.380.7487
GOTO:curvemag.com/letters
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• subscribe
• renew
• payyourbill
• get missingissues
• changeaddress
• givea gift
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ON
CURVE
PERSONALS
TODAY!
Mommy, Mama, Me ... and a Donor
When Jeff DeGroot was growing up as one of the
thousands of children born into LGBT families that
use donor insemination, there weren't many resources
for him to turn to. He recalls that he got some
information from the children's book
Heather Has Two Mommies, but it didn't
fully explain how he was conceived.
Thanks to DeGroot, today's donorconceived children finally have a book
COLACE Donor
just for them-The
Insemination Guide. DeGroot wrote the
guide while he was a fellow at COLAGE,
a national organization for children and
adults with one or more LGBT parents. The
70-page text grew out of a series of one-onone discussions and surveys DeGroot carried
out, in which he asked both the parents who
used donor insemination, and the children who were
conceived through the process, to talk about their
experiences. His goal was to provide kids with a road
map for how to deal with being donor-conceived.
"I wanted the audience to be very specific;'
DeGroot says. "It just didn't seem like there was
much out there for donor-conceived youth with an
LGBT parent:'
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Recommended
for fifth-graders and up, the
guide covers subjects like how kids can talk to their
friends about their family, and how they can find
information about an anonymous
donor. It breaks down an oftencomplicated subject and offers
specific answers to the everyday
challenges that donor-conceived
children face.
DeGroot
says he would
have wanted a resource like
this when he was growing
up in Corvallis, Ore., with
his two moms (who met at
Girl Scout Camp 35 years
ago). But he quickly adds that he
didn't want the guide to be about him.
"I wanted this book to try to capture the experiences of the people in the surveys;' he says. Those
experiences are scattered throughout the guide in
the form of direct quotes from adults and children,
providing valuable insights into what it's like to
grow up as a donor-conceived child. You can order
the COLACE DI Guide for a suggested donation of
$20 or more at colage.org. [AnnaBellePeterson]
Kim Zolciak and
DJ Tracy Young vs.
Lori Michaels and
Danielle Staub
Which is the Hottest
Housewives hookup?
Bravo'shit franchise
TheRealHousewives
is synonymous
with
drama,excess,terrible
popsongsandnow...
lesbianliaisons?
Aftertwo
of the mostnotorious
cast
members(DanielleStaub
andKimZolciak)
havegone
gayfor a coupleof our
favoritecelesbians
we're
left wondering:
Whichisthe
hottest?
Sendyourvoteto
letters@curvemag.com
by
Feb.28,2011andbeentered
to wina hotsurprise
prize.
Star Candy's rhinestone-embellished
boy shorts are adorable, saucy and a
cheeky way to boost your sexy.
These sassy undies are the perfect
brief for every occasion-from a
saucy undercover secret by day, to
a sparkling show and tell at night.
With a variety of eye-catching designs
and tongue in...well. ..cheek sayings, Star
Candy has a little something for everyone.
So, bejewel that booty! ($26 and up,
starcandyboutique.com) [RachelShatto]
January/February
2011
I 13
Around the World in 80 Gays
Forget global warming-it's this sexy calendar that's heating up 2011.
London-based photographer Nadia Attura
and stylist Mercury-the
brilliant ladies
of I Love London Girls who brought you
last year's smoldering I Love Girls Kissing
calendar-are back with 12 more months of
sexy lezzie action. This year, I Love Global
Girls delivers a panorama of gay beauty from
around the world. We can't think of a better
way to keep track of 2011.
The globe-trotting theme was inspired
by a conversation between Attura and her
girlfriend while they were on flight from
Munich to Portugal, discussing the varied
landscapes between destinations and how
diverse the women were, too. "My girlfriend mentioned that it would be fun to
14
I curve
photograph buxom German frauleins in
dirndls, smashing their beer glasses together;' explains Attura. "This went on to
Portuguese girls-a beach and not much
else, other than bikinis and oils. We had a
blast coming up with various ideas for the
2011 calendar:'
Their enthusiasm for their subject
shows, with images that jump off
the page. From igloo lovin' at the
Arctic Circle, to a sweltering jungle
hook-up, to a couple of all-American
softball dykes making out on home
plate, the calendar stylishly captures
images of women loving women,
the world over.
The I Love Global Girls
calendar offers 365
days of sexy, with
these globe-trotting
images of Sapphic
seduction.
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Of course, allthe models featured are
openly queer, and share their personal
stories of living and loving women
internationally. "On the website, they
talk about their global adventures,
including what country scores high~
est when it comes to lesbian love and
which destination is tops for kisses
and loving other lasses;' says Attura.
After the huge success of their
two previous calendars, Attura and
Mercury have no difficulty finding
beautiful queer women who want to
pose for them-in fact, they receive
messages from eager hopefuls daily.
But in the beginning, it wasn't as
easy." Mercury and I would trawl the
clubs, approaching girls we liked the
look 0£ We looked like a right pair of
desperados, and some thought it was
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just a chat~up line;' jokes Attura.
For Mercury, casting is all about
maintaining beauty and diversity.
"We like to use a diverse selection of
models, so black, white, tall, small. ..
we are trying to break some of those
stereotypical ideas society has of
what a lezza looks like:'
The future of I Love London
Girls looks bright; in addition to the
I Love Global Girls calendar, their
first feature film is in the works.
The aim of the film, as with all their
projects, is to 'give lesbians visibility
in the mainstream and to challenge
stereotypes;' explains Attura. She also
hopes that the calendar will inspire
women to "be adventurous, go out
and explore. And above all be proud!"
Shatto]
(ilovelondongirls.com)[Rachel
Lesbian hockey fans have something
to cheer about: On Nov. 8, 2010, out
lesbian AngelaJameswas one of the
first two women to be inducted into
the HockeyHallof Fame.A pioneer
in Canadian women's hockey, James
was part of the first Team Canada,
winner of the inaugural women's
world championship in Ottawa in
1990. A homophobic controversy
led to her being dropped from Canada's first Olympic
the
Women's Hockey team in 1998... CrystalSimmons,
principal of the Academy for Social Action in N.Y.C.,
went to police after her affair with Assistant Principal
CandyJonesturned sour. Simmons says she went to
the authorities after Jones threatened to kill her. Both
women have been removed from the school and face
possible termination because of alleged sexual contact
a teacher in the
during school hours ... LouiseYeoman,
U.K.,faces jail time after pleading guilty to 10 charges
connected to a sexual relationship she carried on over
a period of nearly two years with a 15~year~old female
student ... After her wedding announcement ran in
a local newspaper, LaineTadlock(right), a lesbian
University,
educator at Benedictine
in Springfield, Ill.,was forced into
early retirement by the adminis~
tration at the Catholic university.
The university reportedly
received community complaints
after the announcement ran, and
in a statement said, "Some aspects of her orientation
were incompatible with Catholic beliefs, specifically
domestic partnership with another woman:' ... Recently
Lesbian
released data from the U.S.NationalLongitudinal
FamilyStudy,the longest~running
study of American lesbian families,
shows that zeropercentof the
children interviewed as part of
the study reported physical or
sexual abuse by a parent. Also of
interest, only 2.8 percent of the
kids considered themselves to
be predominantly or exclusively
homosexual. .. In 2002, Sarah,
a 27 ~year~old Nigerian lesbian, was caught with her
girlfriend by her uncle. In response, she was raped,
threatened with female genital mutilation, and forced
to undergo a "spiritual deliverance:' Now living in
the U.K.,Sarah is fighting deportation back to Nigeria,
where she believes she will be killed because of her sexual
orientation. According to a recent survey, 97percent of
Nigerians believe that homosexuality should be rejected
Lowrey]
by society. [Sassafras
::;
January/February
2011
I 15
HONORARY
LIFETIME
LESBIAN
EMBERSHI
OUTINFRONT
Advocates
for Justice
These two women
push for progress.
By Sheryl Kay
NewEnglandLegalEagle
There are many heroes behind Vermont's
successful Freedom to Marry campaign, not
the least of whom is attorney BethRobinson.
Back in 1995, she and her law partner, Susan
Murray, first met with a gay couple who
wanted to marry.
"Their constitutional claims were compelling, but we needed to lay a foundation through
grassroots and political advocacy before
taking a case to court;' says Robinson. And
so began her 15-year civil rights odyssey, and sharing the reality of our lives;' says
which eventually lead to Vermont's groundRobinson. "Our job is to create an environbreaking legislative action regarding LGBT
ment in which the perception and the reality
is that it's a politically safe thing to do. That
civil unions and marriage.
means we have to tell those same stories over
According to Robinson, the era of marriage
equality is just beginning. The biggest chal- the watercooler at work, at the neighborlenge is political caution-born
of fear hood picnic, in our local newspapers, and to
among the legislators. Even if a majority of our families:'
their constituents support something, explains
The marriage battle appears to be won in
Robinson, many elected leaders would rather
Vermont (which legalized same-sex marriage
avoid a topic that's likely to inflame a com- in 2009 when legislators overrode the governor's veto to enact it), but Robinson notes
mitted minority.
"Our job isn't just to persuade legislators
the importance of having those supportive
that it's the right thing to do-we can do that
legislators re-elected, and now she is also
focusing some of her advocacy work on issues
relatively easily by simply telling our stories
that affect transgender individuals.
"Vermont has a gender-identity-inclusive
nondiscrimination law, but we still have lots
of work to do, especially around access to
health care;' she says.
FindingHerReligion
Dr.AlexisPaulineGumbssays she has always
been drawn to, and transformed by, revolutionary black women. She grew up with
a single mother who faced myriad oppressions, and Gumbs many times faced down
her own demons as the only black student in
an all-white classroom.
"Black feminism has become my spiritual
practice and a resource that I lift up in all of
my diverse communities because it resonates
with what I know to be true: Our gendered,
classed, raced, abelist, sexual differences
are used against us in capitalism, which
is a violence against all of us;' she says. "In
reality, our differences are resources for the
transformation of our communities, our
lives, and the meaning of life:'
Those who are oppressed because of
gender, race, and sexuality face specific
challenges that remain invisible to people
who are not similarly burdened. Lesbians
and queer women of color, Gumbs notes,
definitely experience racism within LGBT
spaces as well.
Havingjust completed her Ph.D. at Duke
University, the 28-year-old Gumbs is now on
the road with her MobileHomeComing, an
experiential archive project using multimedia
tools to amplify the brilliance of black lesbian
and queer women (including transgender
women), gender nonconforming people, and
trans men, and to create intergenerational
community.
"Listen to older people who have dedicated
their lives to make change, or even older folks
who have seen the same problems persist for
decades;' advises Gumbs. "I think that being
able to see beyond our own lifetimes activates us and empowers us to be intentional
and involved:' ■
January/February
2011 117
LESBOFILE
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
This month is all about hot women
and hot messes. By Jocelyn Voo
The NameGame
In other marital news, power couple Ellen
DeGeneresand Portiade Rossinow legally
share the same last name. Portia's request
to take her wife's surname was granted in
September, and in classic fashion DeGeneres
took to her Twitter account to joke, "I just got
some amazing news. The court has granted
Portia's name change. She's now officially
Portia Winfrey:'
Whata GirlWants
When singer ChristinaAguileragot hitched
to marketing exec Jordan Bratman in 2002,
it seemed the Grammy Award-winning
singer had acquired a classier, more grownup image than the one from her days
of black-and-blond
hair extensions and
leather ass-less chaps. However, now that
the couple has filed for divorce, some are
wondering whether Aguilera ever really did
ditch her dirrrty past entirely.
A source tells RadarOnline.com that"the
couple had an open marriage when it came
to Christina's lust for women," and Aguilera
would reportedly send bodyguards to hit
on prospective women in bars, saying, "My
boss would really like you:' And, really,
who's to deny what a girl wants, when it's
Christina Aguilera?
WeddingBells
Looks like two more ladies are off the market.
It's wedding bells for Iron Chef Cat Coraand
her domestic partner, Jennifer. Cora, who
parents four sons with her partner (cue "bun
in the oven'' jokes), told E! Online, "One day
1s
I curve
Sex,Liesand Videotape
The lady doth protest
too much, wethinks: Tila
Tequila,who earlier this
year signed a deal with
Vivid Entertainment
to
star in her own porn video,
claims she's being extorted
over a years-old sex tape
she made with a boyfriend
before she became famous.
The fame-starved Tequila
has armed herself with a
lawyer, and sent a message
to her old flame through
RadarOnline.com: "Ex-lover, you better hold
onto that sex tape, because that's the only sex
you'll get to watch once you're sent to jail!"
Is Christina Aguilera in the family?
we're definitely going to go to the judge, take
all our boys, go in front of the justice of the
peace or have a wedding. Our 10-year anniversary is coming up next year. Maybe then
we'll do a beach wedding or renew our vows:'
Belated congratulations also go out to
actor KellyMcGillis,probably best known as
Tom Cruise's hottie in Top Gun, and girlfriend Melanie Leis, who tied the knot this
past September.
TeamBella
For every tweenybopper swooning over [
Robert Pattinson, there's a girl lusting after ~
KristenStewart-and Fuck Yeah Krisbians!, ~
a T umblr blog created by a 17 -year-old fan g
~
in Mexico, is testament to that.
~
An assortment of photos, animated gifs, ~
and Twilight-relatedQ&As, the blog is a fan ;
site for straight girls who find themselves not ~
only on Team Bella, but possibly on another ~
z
team altogether. "I see Kristen being Kristen ~
and all of a sudden, I feel so lesbian, like if ~
I was dating him, I would give up Ian fuck- ~
ing Somerhalder just for her. Then I look g
at some other girl and well it just doesn't
happen;' the blogger writes. "So I guess that ~
w
fmakes me a Krisbian. And I am so fucking ~
proud of it:'
Anyone else? ■
i
She Said
"My knees went weak and I
felt like I was shot through the
heart with an arrow."
- Portia DeGeneresto The
Australian Women's Weeklyon falling
in love with Ellen
"Oh my god. I saw a picture of me from the
early '90s, and I was like, Oh, the freakin' mullet!
Chris [Evert] had the mullet, too, and she's not
even gay! The mullet should be outlawed."
- Martina Navratilovato VanityFair
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STARS
Winter Heat
Spread the warmth this season.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan. 20)
Sex:A mystery woman makes your life much more
interesting. Think you know who she is? Nope, guess
You are at the epicenter of the corporate
again. Career:
action and find yourself meeting and greeting the
highest folks in the power elite. Don't wear plaid.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Sex:Gal pals come to the rescue and pull you out of
your funk. Is there one particular bosom buddy who
pulls on your heartstrings as well? Career:You see
where you want to be. Move carefully and stealthily to
get yourself into the best professional position.
Pisces(Feb.20-March20)
Sex:Will you find love in the supply closet at work?
Anything is possible, but be careful of all those pointy
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan. 20)
pencils and nosey co-workers. Career:Girlfriends in
SapphicCapsare not the most
sexuallyexperimentalfolks and high places give you a helping hand up the corporate
maycomeout laterthan most ladder. See how high you can climb before you decide
signs.Butdon't givethis gal to jump off.
shortshrift;thereis no more
considerateloveraround.She Aries(March21-April 20)
evenremembersbirthdaysand Sex:You fall head over heels for a spicy stranger. Will
anniversaries
with fabulouslittle you have to seek her out, or will she find you? Get
goodies.Buildup her confi- out there and mingle. There is plenty of time to play
denceandtell her (truthfully) peekaboo later. Career:Your career is red hot and so
howwonderfulandsexyshe is are you. But don't take any dramatic over-the-top risks
andshewill blossomlike a rare
that will eventually leave you out in the cold.
orchid.Thisis the womanwho
agesbeautifully.Treatherwell
Taurus(April21-May 21)
andyou'll havesomehot stuff to
warmyou in yourold age. Sex:Sexy Sapphic Bulls know how to give and take.
Let's see how many ladies are able to take all that you
Feeling
are
prepared to give-and give. Whew! Career:
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb. 19)
bored
and
hemmed
in
at
work?
Travel
will
lead
Aquariangalstend to gravitate
to unusualtypes,the more you astray now. And that is the point! So get going.
unusualthe better.Theymay
becomeboredwith yourstandard Gemini(May22-June21)
varietyof middlerange,blend Sex:Partnerships blossom and only get better through
in with the crowd,sweet Sues. the next few weeks. If you are in the market, ring in
Thatis not to saythat this sister your new year with a few new ring-a-dingers and
travelswith a menagerie,but
You get to know about a few
make some noise. Career:
generallyspeaking,her gal pals
behind-the-scenes political plots at work. See how you
area motleycrewof freethinkers
and great mindsthat comein can manipulate the system to give you more days offvery differentpackages. with pay.
Cancer(June22-July 23)
Sex:Eat right and start a new exercise regime. It will
have immediate benefits and make you too sexy for
20
I curve
words. Career:Business relationships will prove to
be pivotal to your corporate success. As they say, it
is not what you know, but who you know. And you
know ... who?
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
Sex: You are a party-hearty animal and can gain
entrance into the most exclusive affairs. Does that
mean you will now have some exclusive affairs? Are
Not only will you be especially
you that choosey? Career:
busy at work, but you'll also accomplish more than
you think you can-if you put your mind to it. Ah,
that is the challenge.
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
Sex:It is time to spread out the welcome mat. Lure your
lovergrrl home and see how she fits into your domestic
agenda. You may need to vacuum later. Career:The
office party continues into 2011. Advance your corporate takeover while everyone else is distracted.
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Sex:Say what is on your mind and see if it gets you
what you want. Sometimes it's the packaging and not
the contents that gets you through the door. So deliver
it with 00mph. Career:Find ways to work from home
now. Not only will you be more productive, but you'll
also enjoy your co-workers more.
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Sex:Spoil her with gaudy baubles and see if she will
then share her gaudy baubles with you. Hey, who says
It takes courage to climb
money can't buy love? Career:
the corporate ladder and you have plenty of courage
now. Hurry and make your best moves while your
moxie moves you forward.
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.22)
Sex:You are adored by hundreds of admirers. But
you don't need hundreds. You just need one. This is
the time to make a decision and stick to her. Career:
Is it bonus season? Expect a little extra in your paycheck for all your hard work. You have been working
s:hard, right? ■
~
z
~
AstrologerCharlene
Lichtenstein
is theauthorof
Herscopes:
A GuidetoAstrology
for Lesbians.
Get moreat thestarryeye.
comorcheckoutherblogat
thestarryeye.
typepad.com.
(.)
~
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:::)
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SCENE
Parties for Her Celebrate equal rights with
HRC's Her parties. By Merryn Johns
Capitalizing on the success of its inaugural year, the Her HRC program returns with
this year's theme: One Celebration. One Weekend. For Women.
What, exactly, is Her HRC? Imagine this: On the same night, in 31 cities all over the
country, women are invited to the hottest nightclubs with the best DJs and entertainment
to celebrate their sexuality and rally support for the struggle for equality. These coast-tocoast parties have been designed specifically by HRC for lesbians and, held primarily on
the weekend ofJan.16, these celebrations cumulatively reach between 6,000 and 10,000
women. And, yes, it is as amazing as it sounds. So, why not join the festivities this year?
The Big Apple beckons you on Sunday, Jan. 17 to hip nightclub and lounge, LQ. Grab
a sizzling slice of New York nightlife and party with hot women and DJ Susan Levine.
The veteran mistress of the decks is well-known for N.Y.C:s Gay Pride Women's pier
dance, Rapture On The River as well as legendary Fire Island venues."! give my time
and support to HRC because HRC gives the LGBT community a powerful voice in the
political and social arena;' Levine told curve. "It is time for us to have equal rights:'
At a typical Her HRC party Levine says we can expect "some of the best women's
events in the country. HRC picks some of the most amazing venues, with thousands of
women in attendance:' It's also affordable, with a cover charge of $10 in advance, $20 at
the door and the ticket price includes an annual HRC membership.
All parties are tailored to the local communities while featuring our best and brightest,
and high profile friends such as Crystal Chappell. Themes range from dance parties, to
bachelorette auctions, to battle of the bands, plus prizes galore. For a full listing of events
and to purchase tickets visit hrc.org/herhrc. ■
WE'VEGOTTHEPOWER!
Celebrities,guestsandhonoreescame
out to celebratePowerUp's10th
AnnualPowerPremiereGalahonoring
amazingout gaywomenand menin
showbizon Nov.7, 2010at Voyeurin
WestHollywood.
Thecelebrity-studded
cocktailpartysaw guestsentertained
by comedianGloriaBigelowincluding:
(1) ClementineFord,ArielShepherdOppenheim,
(2) GregLouganis,DJ
NovaJade,(3) StacyCodikow,Betty
DeGeneres,
SteveTyler,(4) Meredith
Baxter,(5) KateFrench,MalayaDrew,
AlexKondrackeandColetteBurson,
alongwithTabathaCoffey,Savannah
Dooley,ElizabethSarnoff,Kirsten
Vangsness,
JamieBabbit,Angela
Robinson,
AndreaSperling,Michelle
Lombardoandmanymore.
(powerupfilms.
org)
January/February
2011
I 21
Life's Too Short to Argue Over Oreos
My partner is a secret glutton
By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My partner and I have been together for 37
years, and she is a closet eater. If there is something she really likescookies, candy kisses, pizza-she won't tell me that she is eating the
last slice or piece. She won't share. I find out by finding crumbs in the
bed or candy wrappers on the dresser. I told her that she has a problem
and we need to talk about her issues with sharing, and she told me I
have the problem and not to make a big deal out of it. Who is right?
-Concerned About Crumbs
Lipstick:Well, this is a first. I have a smile
on my face right now because this question
is a great departure from the usual lezzie
lot. Neither of you is wrong, or right. To
Lipstick, you simply sound like an old bick~
ering couple, one who has mastered the art of
lesbian longevity (kudos on 37 years, by the
way). Because you've lasted so long, it's some~
what laughable that you've written in about
this. My advice: Let her eat the cookies. Go to
the store and buy some more. Life's too short
to argue over Oreos.
Dipstick:Lipstick, you've got it all wrong.
Closet eating is not simply about not wanting
to share. This could be a serious eating disor~
der and will only get worse if left untreated.
Closet eaters eat in private because they feel
their food choices are beingjudged by others.
Yes, Concerned, your partner has a problem,
and, like Lipstick, you are wrong in how
you're approaching it. You can't shame her
into changing. In fact, shame may very well
be what drove her to hide her eating in the
first place. She knows she has a problem. She
is just not willing to admit it to you yet. Show
her love and compassion, and encourage
her to see a doctor or a therapist about this
before it becomes a serious health issue.
DearLipstickandDipstick:My girlfriendwants
to datemefor the restof my life.Shesaysthat
shelovesme morethananyonepossiblycould,
but has no intentionof livingwith me. Ever.I
can'tfinda singlebookor articleaboutanyone
221
curve
who has everdonethis before.Look,I'm sure
she'sthe one I want to be with-we've been
togetherthreeyears-but I'm notsureI canbe
withsomeone
who'ssoopposed
toeverwanting
to live with me. I don't want to be 80 and a
neighbor.
Help?-Livin'Alone
Lipstick:What in the Sam Hill is this about?
It's either (a) she's a total commitment~
phobe, (b) she's totally not in love with you,
or (c) she's hiding something, like maybe
she's a koumpounophobic
and is deathly
afraid of buttons.
Lipstick:No, no, no, Livin: I like your girl~
friend! I think she has the right idea. Why
in the world would two people want to live
together when they can each have their own
space, keep it as dirty or tidy as they want,
never have to worry about someone using
the last of the toilet paper or vapor rub? I
know several gay male couples who prefer
this arrangement, and it seems to work
just great for them. If anything, lesbians
get too enmeshed, and living apart is the
perfect solution. This way, you can watch a
marathon of all three seasons of Temptation
Island, store your motorcycle in the living
room, or convert the spare room into a ferret
rescue sanctuary and she can't complain about
it. Since she won't like the ferret smell, you'll
always meet at her house for sex and you never
have to worry about changing the sheets. It's
the best of both worlds.
Lipstick:Who wants to wake up alone for
the rest of her life? Early~morning spooning
and sunrise pillow talk are the marrow of
Lipstick & Dipstick
intimacy-that's
the glue that binds us. If I
were you, Livin' Alone, I'd take a hard look
at your situation and search for someone
who wants to start a real, fully integrated life
with you, not a casual, She's Just Not That
Into You fling.
DearLipstickandDipstick:I'm bi,andmarried
to a man.It makesit hardfor meto meetgirls.
I comefroma verysmalltown,andpeopleare
just now startingto comeout of the closet.
Evenso,it's stillhardfor me.I'm lipstickandI
likemygirlsgirly,too.I'm reallyshy,sotheonly
flirtingI dois onMySpace
(yeah,I know,lame),
butit's hardto tellwho'sgayorcurious.
I don't
wantto makea moveandhavehernotbe into
me.Howdo I get myselfoutthere?-Stuckin
Straightville
Lipstick:Well, before we dish on how to
troll for lipsticks, let's talk about this little
thing called a husband. Does he know that
you're signing up for extracurricular activi-
ties? If not, tell him. Talk honestly. You'll
enjoy the ride far more if you have a paid
ticket. Besides, you owe this to your partner.
Maybe he'd be into it: Maybe he'd want to
join in, or watch! If the idea of him being a
third makes you want to tear your eyes out
ADVICE
in coming-out camp. Although you don't
identify as straight, that ring and the man
attached to it are going to confuse them. Have
you thought about how you plan to address
the husband issue, when you finally get up
the nerve to hit on the girly-girl? I guess there
"I've never been to Straightville, but from what I
understand it's nowhere near as fun as Lesbiatopia."
with your wedding ring, perhaps he'll just
let you do what you need to do. Pony up to
your hubby, Straightville, before you strap on
a pink pony.
Dipstick:
I've never been to Straightville, but
from what I understand it's nowhere near
as fun as Lesbiatopia. So getting a girl to
leave, even for a visit, is probably going to be
a challenge. Besides, most lesbians learned
the mantra "Stay away from straight girls"
might be a gal out there who is desperate
enough to play pokey-pokey with you, but do
us all a favor and be straight (pun intended)
about the ol' ball and chain when you make
your move. And no, MySpace isn't lame. But
you'll probably get more action from craigslist
or a swinger-friendly hookup site. ■
Tune in to curvemag.com/lipstickanddipstick@
to watch the The Lipstick & Dipstick Show. l!liill
Or, write to tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
~.
FQ\JNT~INQ~OVE
LQDQE
The community you've imagined...at !tut.
an LGBT Retirement Community
Fountaingrove Lodge is the first LGBT senior community in the
nation to offer five star living at its finest. From gourmet dining and
concierge services to spa treatments and housekeeping, the attentive staff
will cater to your every need. Reserve your new home on our gorgeous
ten-acre campus with golf course, oak grove, or mountain views
in the heart of Sonoma County. Retirement living for our community,
with the dignity and respect you deserve.
■
■
■
■
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■ Outdoor Pool
Wme Cave and Cellar
Onsite Care/Wellness Center
■ Fitness Center
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Movie Theatre
■
Salon & Day Spa
Pet Park
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4
Entrance Fee.1ranging from: $295,000- $925,000
Monthly Fee.1.;tarting at $2,395
January/February
2011
I 23
ADVICE Relationships
A Kosher Connection
Ten things you always wanted to ask a lesbian yenta.
By Merryn Johns
Lesbian yenta Dr. Frankie Bashan made her
first successful match when she was 12 years
old. "I introduced my father to my step~
mother. She was my eye doctor. Now, they
have three children and 21 years of marriage:'
For Bashan, a Jewish woman born and raised
in Manhattan, the road to becoming a yenta
began with a doctorate in clinical psychology,
but soon she found she had a deeper desire
to help people find true love. Identifying
a particular need, she created Little Gay
Book-a dating service steeped in the yenta
tradition-just
for us. "There's such a need
for these services in the LGBT community. I
think many gays and lesbians internalize the
skepticism that we are incapable of building
and sustaining lifelong monogamous relation~
ships. I want to help people create stable,
healthy relationships and families that represent
all aspects of our queer community:' Now,
Bashan is drawing back the curtain to give
us a peek at what it takes to be a matchmaker
and offering tips to help us find Miss Right.
grass is greener" interferes with our ability to
stay focused and work hard on what we've
already developed, especially when it feels
too difficult to keep working at it. I've seen a
rash oflong~term lesbian couples and families
break up recently.It takes a special combination
of chemistry, trust, loyalty, honesty, respect
and compassion to build and happily main~
tain a life together.
Just under 50 percent of first marriages
end in divorce, as do 66 percent of second
marriages and 70 percent of third marriages!
These stats should give people motivation
to work on the relationship they've already
established before throwing in the towel
so quickly.
What'sthe biggestobstacleto findinglove?
Ourselves! People have to be willing to step
out of their comfort zones. We're creatures of
habit and tend to repeat unsuccessful patterns
throughout our lives. That's why relationship
You'rea professional
matchmaker.
Canmatchmakingactuallybetaught?
A great matchmaker must have an innate
ability to relate to people, to tune in to intuition
and have a deep understanding of human
behavior and psychology. Clients often pres~
ent me with a list of qualities they want in
a mate, but what they want and what they
need are often different. There is a great deal
of scientific research about how brain chem~
istry changes when you first start dating, how
it changes when you become physically inti~
mate, and how it affects your perception of the
person you just began dating. Matchmaking
is a fascinating blend of intuition, emotional
intelligence and science.
"Onlylesbiansandswansmatefor life."goes
the saying.Dolesbiansmatefor life or is that
a myth?
Don't forget about the turtle dove! I am a
strong proponent of monogamy and abso~
lutely believe we are capable of mating for
life. Unfortunately, our culture is all about
instant gratification. The concept of "the
24
I curve
:,,:::
~
~
_J
ix:
w
I
u
coaching combined with matchmaking tends
to be so successful. People's expectations are
often unrealistic. As a culture, we're fixated
on appearance and sometimes set up barriers
to getting to know someone who may be an
excellent match because they have one feature
or trait that you consider unacceptable.
You'vebeen marriedfor eight years.If you
hadn'tmet yourwife wouldyou haveuseda
matchmaker?
I was in my early 20s when I met my wife,
so I wasn't really in the stage of life where I
was searching for a life partner. But if I still
hadn't met Miss Right when I got to that
stage in my life, I most certainly would consult
a matchmaker.
naturally higher on a first date, sometimes
so high that it prevents people from showing
their true personality. Dating is a skill and
takes practice, like anything else.
ality, interests, and many other areas of
compatibility. It is important for my client
to provide honest postdate feedback. From
there, I refine and continue my search. I
"I think many gays and lesbiansinternalizethe
skepticismthat we are incapableof buildingand
sustaininglifelongmonogamousrelationships."
What'sthe mostunusuallovestoryyouever
heard?
I'm a sucker for tradition and have reverence
for old~fashioned love stories. During World
War II, my grandfather was stationed over~
seas for four years. Before leaving the U.S.,
Is therea righttimeandwayto meetTheOne? he married my grandmother and promised to
I wouldn't say there is a "right" time, but you
return and start a family together. For four
can certainly do things to optimize your
years, they did not see each other. Their only
chances. It's important to practice self care
contact was the letters they wrote each other
and have a certain amount of introspection.
daily. Amazingly, they were able to build
Organized sports or activity groups can be
their relationship, and when he returned
great ways to meet people. Friends of friends
they picked up where they had left off and
often end up connecting. Speed dating is a had two beautiful daughters. They were
blast and I think the potential is definitely
married happily for 50 years, until my grand~
there. I'm reading a book right now that says
mother passed away.
a person unconsciously makes a decision
Howdoesyourmatchmaking
service,LittleGay
about someone within the first two seconds
Book,work?
of meeting them. Your instincts about
people are often right. Online dating is a The benefit of my service is that it is person~
alized, professional and confidential. There
great resource but can definitely be a time
are two groups of people I work with: My
drain, because you have to cast a wide net
paying clients, who hire me to screen and
to get a response.
handpick introductions for them, and the
Whatare the mostcommonmistakeswomen folks in my database. There is no charge to be
makeona firstdate?
a member of my database, and this is where
Oversharing. Don't talk about exes, dysfunc~
I generally begin the searching for intro~
tional family members, childhood traumas,
ductions for my clients. I handpick every
etc. Mystery and intrigue are a good thing.
individual that I match with a client.
If I can't find a suitable match in my data~
I don't mean in a game~playing way, but let
base, I start pounding the pavement. For
your story unfold naturally. Oh, and that
every face~to~face hour with a client, I do
whole U~Haul thing? Leave it in your garage.
Don't rush into things or you'll smother each
about seven to 10 hours of work behind the
scenes. I recruit potential introductions
other and extinguish the flame prematurely.
I also recommend that clients go on a for my clients based on referrals and from
contacts I make at various social functions.
second date if they are at least 50 percent
My selections are based on lifestyle, person~
interested in the person. Anxiety levels are
maintain the highest level of privacy for my
paying clients, as well as the individuals in
my database.
What'sthe most commonquestionyou are
asked?
"How soon is too soon to start dating again
after the breakup of a long~term relation~
ship?" I think it depends a large amount on
the condition of your last relationship. If
your relationship felt stale and loveless for
some time prior to the actual end, then most
likely you will need less time than if you are
fresh out of a relationship that you were
happy in. The true test is to be very aware of
how you feel when you go on a date. Are you
present? Are you able to connect with the
person? If you feel emotionally unavailable,
that's a pretty clear indicator that you need
more time to heal. I do believe that it's impor~
tant to get out of your comfort zone and try
to go out. It might feel too early, but it is an
important part of the healing process.
Whatwouldyousayto womenwhostill can't
findMs.Right?
It's easy to become jaded and frustrated,
but try and keep an open mind. Expand
your social network, try something new.
Introspection and, occasionally, coaching,
if needed, are key. Many people are afraid
to look in the mirror and examine their
own limitations. Work toward becoming
the healthiest, most attractive, confident
woman that you can be. Confidence is sexy.
And if all else fails, I'm always here to help!
(littlegaybook.com)■
January/February
2011
I 25
My Baby's Got a Secret
How to live with a closeted partner.
By Emily Wilcox
Some lesbians bust the closet doors off their
hinges and never look back. Others, how~
ever, refuse to come out at all. While every
dyke should be allowed to make her own
decision about how and when to declare her
gayness to the world, things can get a little
tricky for the partner whose girlfriend is still
clinging to mothballs. It can be difficult to be
out when the one you love is emphatically
in. The good news is that you don't have to
let her dirty, little secret be the end of your
relationship. Here are six tips to help your
romance survive the closet.
1. Don'ttake it personally.If she loved you,
she would come out, right? Wrong.
Her decision to remain under the lesbian
radar has absolutely nothing to do with
you. It does not mean that you aren't good
enough. The ideal that love should be able to
transcend all other considerations is merely
that-an ideal.
2. Remember,the fear of rejectioncan be
terrifying. Childhood trauma can precede
reactionary drama. And these days, imag~
ining the reactions in our churches, in our
26
I curve
families, and even in the workplace can make
it awfully scary to come out. The fear of
rejection is so omnipresent that it can keep
some people stuck in the closet for a very
long time-sometimes
years. Explain gently
to your partner that if fear stopped everyone
dead in their tracks then everyone would be
dead in their tracks.
at weddings and dinner parties, anywhere in
public.
Choose to look at the good-perspective
is our choice and our birthright. Observe,
take note and pay close attention to the
positive aspects about her. Surely, she has
many. After all, you're not staying with her
for the PDA.
3. Be realistic about your expectations. 5. Supporther,don'tforceher.When helping
Fighting over your need for public affection
from a partner who is still living in the closet is
about as much fun as a root canal. No woman
should attempt to change her partner or girl~
friend. Offer all the support in the world, but
it is never wise to stay in a relationship based
on the hope that your closeted girlfriend will
change. Ask yourself this question: If she
never changed, would I stay? If the answer is
no, then it's time to move on.
her in looking for a good time to come out,
remember that every moment is considered
perfect; the question is: Is it perfect for her?
She could possibly lose the support of
her family, so it's important that you don't
pressure her or make her feel guilty. Instead,
introduce her to friends who have already
come out, have a little dinner party and ask
them to share the positives that came from
it. Supporting her without judgment can go
along way.
4. Bewareof resentment.The out lesbian
in the relationship usually tends to let the
resentment build up. She may find herself
always looking for how, when and where her
partner is going to disappoint her or let her
down-at
family gatherings, on vacations,
6. Lead by example.If you are living your
N
best and most fulfilling life by simply being ~
you, a proud lesbian, she will see that. It's
not what you say, it's what you do that will ;
encourage her. ■
g
g
I TRIED
IT
Hypnotized Into Health
walking down a long flight of steps. I noticed
my words getting slower and further apart,
and my voice seemed to come from a distance.
When it became too much of an effort to
keep counting out loud, I counted silently.
While I didn't feel particularly hypnotized, I certainly was relaxed. Isabella began
by reminding me that I could be wise and
compassionate toward my body and sel£
Although I realized that she was deliberately
leading my thinking, I didn't resist. After all,
she was quoting my own words back to me.
It was true: There were times when I hadn't
suffered from compulsive eating. I could be
like that again! In fact, she said, I was like
that-healthy, calm, wise-even now.
Then she began mythologizing my as-yetunrealized success by tying it in with my
actual achievements in the past, telling me
things that weren't actually true but sounded
charmingly agreeable. "You got your master's
with pride-was working.
She told me that I enjoyed moving my
body, that I felt at home and natural in the
water. I could relish the sensation of being
buoyed up. If anyone were looking at me, she
went on, they would think how good it was
that I was moving in helpful, healthy ways.
"You love to do what is right for you;' she
said, and I believed it.
For the next 18 months or so, I felt as
good as I ever have. I took many long walks,
swam three times a week and once a month
would swim an entire mile. I lost my addiction
to sugar and shed over 30 pounds. More
importantly, I felt lighter and stronger. One
day, changing at the gym, I happened to see
my nude torso in a mirror and I almost didn't
recognize it because it looked so normal.
But then, over the next several years, I took
some indulgent vacations, and after each one
I came home heavier than when I'd left. My
dogs died, so I took fewer walks and I didn't
go to the gym as often. I gained back nearly
half the excess weight.
Now, I still sometimes eat compulsively
when I'm stressed, but it's easier for me to
forgive myself and return to healthy ways. I
degree in exercise physiology;' she said. "You
excelled in your studies:' I laughed a little, but
I went where she was taking me, even when
she asserted, ridiculously, "Later, you went on
and got your Ph.D. in how to treat yourself
well:' Her technique-to
replace my shame
regularly do gentle yoga or go swimming.
I consider the hypnotherapy to have been
partly successful, and I think a refresher
session would reinforce its good effects. In
fact, I've got an appointment with Isabella
next week. ■
You are feeling very ... healthy. By Gillian Kendall
Dr. Ivan* looked and sounded just like
a vampire. As I lay apprehensively on his
couch, he droned in a rich, Romanian accent,
"You are feeling very relaxed, very sleepy:' Part
of me wanted to laugh, but soon most of me
was feeling very relaxed, very sleepy... very
hypnotized. While I was in that receptive
state, Dr. Ivan convinced me that I was free of
the fear of my ex, who had been cyberstalking
me. In just an hour, I lost the worry that had
for years interfered with my ability to work
or sleep.
If hypnosis could cure my deepest anxiety,
I thought it probably could help with my issues
about food, too. But Dr. Ivan cost $150 per
session, whereas my employee health plan
offered hypnotism at no charge.
My first session with the lovely,very French
Jungian Isabella*included no hypnosis. Instead,
she asked me to talk about the memories I
associated with eating, exercise, and my body.
Isabella had the softest, most gentle voice I'd
ever heard, and her cooing tone relaxed me
even as I described my deepest issues.
I explained how growing up in an athletic
family, I had felt inadequate and unattractive.
I described teenage years of confusion and
of sexual misadventures. No wonder, we
concluded, that as an adult lesbian I dreaded
drawing attention to my body. I felt selfconscious in my swimsuit, fearing that men
at the pool would look at me and see me as
ugly or, worse, overweight.
Isabella asked me about the times when I'd
been comfortable with my shape. She would
murmur,"How lovely;' or"How good that is;'
when I described times I'd eaten healthily and
felt good about my body. She asked about
other, unrelated achievements-which
in my
case were largely academic.
In our second session, I took off my shoes
and lay back on a recliner. Soft rain pattered
outside, and I focused on a picture of a shimmering green forest as Isabella suggested
how I might hypnotize myself. Eyes shut, I
counted backward from 100 and visualized
*Nameshavebeenchanged.
January/February
2011
I 27
POLITICS
Saving Lesbian Lives This Year
Make your New Year's resolution to be a humanitarian. By Victoria A. Brownworth
In 2010, I nearly died. Proximity to a hospital,
medical insurance (albeit not good insurance)
and my wife and friends saved my life.
That and being fortunate enough to live in
a country that doesn't put lesbians to death.
Lesbians worldwide are in life-threatening
situations every day-often being raped and
tortured simply because they are lesbians.
And when these women do succumb, most
of us in the West don't even realize that
they've died, horrifyingly, due to state-sponsored terrorism against queers.
In more than half the world, just declaring
one's queerness-as
my wife and I do when
I enter the hospital-is
itself a life-threatening act.
2s
I curve
In April 2010, Iranian-born lesbian Kiana
Firouz applied for asylum in the U.K.
Homosexuality is against the law in Iran and
punishable by public flogging, followed by
imprisonment. Further offense is punishable
by death. Firouz was denied asylum and is
still fighting to stay in the U.K.
In 2010, new legislation was passed in
Uganda-a
relatively Westernized African
nations, but one that has become virulently
anti-queer in recent years-making
homosexuality a capital offense. In October 2010,
a list of the country's 100 "top" queers was
published on the front page of the daily newspapers. Along with the names were addresses
and photos with headline: "Hang Them:'
In the West, Africa has long been in the
news over poverty and AIDS, but the civil
rights status of women and queers has been
reported on less widely. In Africa, 29 countries have laws making homosexuality a
crime punishable by imprisonment or death.
Women are regularly threatened with death
for adultery and lesbianism. Each year, more
nations are adding these laws to the booksjust as Uganda and Burundi did in 2010.
Recently, witnesses claim that rape is being
used against lesbians in Sudan, Zambia, and
the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
In late summer of 2010, guests at a gay
wedding in Mtwapa, Kenya, were arrested,
and Muslim and Christian groups led by
Sheikh Ali Hussein organized protests and
mobs to rout queers from the area, threatening
to burn them alive.
Homosexuality
is against the law in
Kenya and punishable by at least 14 years
in prison. There are 85 other countries that
make homosexuality an offense punishable
by imprisonment. In addition to Uganda
and Iran, six other countries have the death
penalty for homosexual acts.
Honor killings of women have long been
practiced in many Muslim nations, but
Human Rights Watch has noted that honor
killings of lesbians and gays is a new concern
in Turkey, where East and West meet in
an often~uneasy alliance,. Will this affect
Turkey's attempts to join the E.U.?
Anti~queer legislation and mob rule are
not solely the purview of Africa, the Middle
East and Eurasia, however. Jamaica and
Costa Rica-two
major vacation destina~
tions for U.S. queers-are
among the most
dangerous countries for their own natives.
Lesbians have sought asylum in the U.S. and
the U.K. from Jamaica, where rape has become
a means to "cure" queer women.
According to Human Rights Watch and
the UN Council on Women, a growing
proportion of all female refugees interna~
tionally are lesbians. Women already constitute
more than half of all refugees, and rape is
increasingly becoming a terrorizing tool of
war and conflict.
Lesbians seeking asylum and safety from
their own governments need our help. It is
essential that we bring this to the attention
of powerful Western governments. Secretary
of State Hillary Clinton has long been
committed to saving the lives of women and
girls globally; she is already an ally and thus
someone to contact about individual cases,
like Firouz's, or atrocities in nearby nations,
like Jamaica.
A new year brings new resolutions.
Stopping smoking is great, but stopping
the suffering and murder of lesbians across
the globe is more important. Contact your
representatives and check out Human Rights
Watch (hrw.org)and LGBT Asylum News
on Twitter and Facebook. Don't let another
lesbian in Africa or Asia die unsorrowed for
and unheralded. These women are us-born
under a different and less libertarian flag.
They need our help. Make 2011 the year of
saving lesbian lives. ■
TREATING
MALARIA WITH
HOMEOPATHY
IN GHANA
Whena soothsayerpaida visit to one
of AdjoaMargaretStack'sneighborsin
BurkinaFaso,heaskedto seethe white
ladywhoalsolivedin the courtyard.
Inadvertently,
the scatteredcowryshells
onthe groundhadrevealedherfutureas
well:Herdestinywasto be a healer."I had
no ideawhat hewastalkingabout,"says
Stack,who holdsa degreein business
andwasteachingEnglishat a University,
thoughthe predictionwouldstick in her
mindfor yearsto come.
Thesixthandyoungestmemberof a
largeIrishCatholic,third-generation
San
Franciscofamily,Stack(whosefirst name,
Adjoa,means"a childbornon Monday"in
the Ghanaian
languageof Twi}joinedthe
PeaceCorpsin 1983andendedup coming
out duringherservice."Whengaypeople
fromall acrossthe countryandaround
the worldwereflockingto SanFrancisco
to befree,I left for WestAfricawhereit
was basicallyagainstthe law to be gay,"
shesays.Nevertheless,
shefelt liberated
enoughto haveherfirst gayrelationship
with anAfricanwoman.
After returningto the States,Stack
workedwith nonprofitsin NewYorkCity
who servedAIDSpatients,andwas also
a caretakerfor friendsdyingof AIDS.
Sheveryquicklysawthe limitationsof
conventionalmedicine,andsoughtout
alternativeremedies,includingnutrition
andherbs,as morehumanetreatments.
Herintroductionto homeopathy,
a 200
year-oldholistic,naturalsystemof healing
developedby a Germanphysician,came
whenshereturnedhometo carefor her
dyingfather."TheminuteI foundit, I
knewit was right,"shesays.
Aftergraduatingfromthe Instituteof
ClassicalHomeopathy,
Stackbeganto
practicehomeopathy
in SanFrancisco,
but
the ideaof treatingmalariastuckwith her.
Allopathicmedicinefor malariais expensive
andlosesits effectiveness
overtime
becausethe shortlifespanof a mosquito
enablesit to mutateandquicklydevelop
resistanceto drugs."Theconventional
approachto malariais to kill-either the
parasiteor the host,"saysStack.Her
approachhasbeenthe opposite:Tofocus
on makingthe individualhealthyenoughto
resistthe parasite.
Evenwith herfirst-handknowledgeof
the region,Stackunderestimatedthe
demandfor herwork whenshereturned
to Ghanafor a visit in 2006.Thoughshe
hadnot formallyplannedto seepatients,
she broughta few of her booksand
remedieswith her.Newsof herarrivalwas
sentout to the communityby drumbeat:
"Thereis a doctorhere,peopleshould
come."Sheendedup seeingmorethan
75 peoplethat summer.
Spurredbythe results,Stackdecided
to set uptwo seasonalclinicsin different
regionsof the country.Staffedentirelyby
Ghanaians,
the clinicsoffertreatmentsfor
oneGhanaCedi,about70 cents,onetenth
of the costof a regulardoctor'svisit. Both
clinicsarelocatedin the households
of
womenshemetduringher PeaceCorps
servicetwo decadesbefore;hertranslator
at the clinic is a mansheheldas a baby.
Workingas a gaywomanin Ghana
today,Stacksaysthat she'sstill pretty
muchundercover.
"I hearstorieson the
newsandseepiecesin the newspaper
that are distressing.Oneyoungmanwho
was attemptingto start a gayandlesbian
organizationin Accra,the capital,was run
out of the countryandhadto flee to Ivory
Coastfor his life." But Stack'scommitmentto the countryandthe friendsshe
madetwo decadesagois unwavering.
Herwork hastakenherfull-circle;the
puzzlingpredictionsof the soothsayer
havenow becomeclear."I lovemy work
overthere,"shesays."It's openedup so
muchknowledgeto methat I didn't learn
in school.I've seenit in livingaction."
[Katherine
Jamieson]
January/February
2011
I 29
DYKE
DRAMA
The Tea Party Ain't No Party
Equality is a trend that never goes out of style. By Michele Fisher
Remember rattail hairdos and puffy cotton
workout pants covered with crazy nauseainducing patterns? How about closet cases?
The other day I met a guy who is a genuine
closet case. I didn't really meet him the other
day-he
was already an acquaintance, a
friend of a friend, actually, and the friend we
30
I curve
have in common is a dyke. So it shocked me
when I realized that he was a closet case ... in
San Francisco ... in 2010. As I waited anxiously
for my food order to be ready, this guy held
me hostage telling me all about his super cute
girlfriend. He, by the way, is one of those
obvious homosexuals. There are straight
guys who like tailored clothing and pointy
shoes and are just metrosexual enough to be
sexy, but he is not that kind of guy.
Everybody knows I am gay. So I couldn't
help wondering why on earth this queer
was telling me all about his "beard:' At first
I thought maybe he was trying to fix me up
with her or something.
Then I was thinking maybe he was one of
those retro gay boys who like to call other
gay men "she:' Maybe his "girlfriend" is a boy.
That made a lot more sense and so I started
picturing this little nelly couple skipping
down Castro Street buying rubbers and
nonfat energy drinks at the all-night drugstore. But then he told me that he just picked
up a designer purse for her that set him back
a whole paycheck. My curiosity got the best
of me so I asked to see her picture. He whips
out his super-gay chrome phone and dabs at
the screen with the perfectly manicured nail
on his well-moisturized right index finger
and brings up an image of a woman. A real
20-something female creature wearing a dress
and strappy sandals. "Yep, that's a girl;' I said
with just a little too much surprise. He acted
like he hadn't noticed and launched into the
strategic plan for his life. In two years, when
she graduates from business school, they are
getting married, and in five years they will be
living in Marin with one kid and hopefully
another on the way. "That won't leave much
time for you and your boyfriend;' I wish I
had said. Instead, I just smiled lamely and
grabbed my food, and as I raced home with
my bag of rapidly cooling Thai delights, I saw
the whole frightening future unfolding in
front of me. Closet cases were coming back,
just like acid wash.
Prop. 8 in California is alive and still
kicking our gay butts. For those of you who
are outside the Golden State, Prop. 8 would
amend the California State Constitution to
read that marriage can only be between a
man and a woman. Part of me hopes that by
the time you read this, common sense will
have prevailed and Prop. 8 will have gone
the way of segregation, but part of me fears
that will not be the case.
Obama can't even get a bit of traction on
repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell:' Yeah, I
know he promised ... and so does he.
The Tea Party is no party to us. The United
States already won the Revolutionary War
in the 1700s, back when the British were
the enemy. Who exactly are these pretend
patriots rebelling against today? One needs
only to look at a photo of a gathering of these
folks to realize that we "fellow Americans"
are the enemy. Back in 1773, all the decisions
were made by white men. In fact, African
Americans and women were still considered
"property:' Some will smugly point out that
the Tea Party may be mighty whitey but
it has plenty of women; in fact, plenty of
women are the party's leaders. Not a shocker.
Again I refer to history and the Suffragette
Movement. Women could have had the
right to vote a lot earlier than 1920, but the
Daughters of the Confederacy and their ilk
didn't want to include African American
women. This infighting delayed women's
rights by decades. Just because a woman
fights for her own rights doesn't mean she
won't deny others theirs.
We are not in a period of backlash. We are
in a drag race in reverse.
I do, however, get a cheap thrill out of
going up to these guys, asking them in front
of others if they consider themselves "tea
baggers;' and watching with amusement as
they loudly proclaim that they are indeed.
(In gay culture, a "tea bagger" is a man who
likes to suck other men's scrotums.)
When curve started, two decades ago,
the fact that it arrived at your house in a
plain brown wrapper was a big selling point.
In fact, we probably owed about half of our
subscription business, in those early years, to
that little brown jacket. These days, it comes
in a black plastic bag. I used to wonder why
we still deliver the mag in disguise. But now
I get it.
I feel like one of those victims in a monster
movie-the
one who outruns the creature
for a period of time and then prematurely
decides to take a breather, only to be gobbled
DIV A
up while the audience screams, "Don't stop!
Keep moving!"
I have taken our safety, security, and forward
progress for granted. But I won't anymore.
To quote from that 1987 classic Jaws: The
Revenge,"This time it's personal:'
It isn't just about voting and calling it a day.
You must find your own ways of expressing
who you are and what you want. Shop at
stores that offer benefits to same~sex partners
and tell them why you shop there. Also, tell
the stores that don't treat you right why you
don't shop there. Make the people in your life
aware of the facts-like the fact that you pay
more taxes for fewer services in this land of
the free. Use that computer to write to lead~
ers in politics, business, and education and
demand to be treated as an equal. Do not
allow those around you to be swept up in a
wave of conservative hysteria. Be visible.
I was hoping to get my rights before rattail
hair~don'ts came back in style, but it doesn't
look like I'm going to make it. In fact, I think
that closet case I ran into the other day was
wearing parachute pants! ■
c;.u.rv.e
January/February
2011
I 31
Does your sex life need sprucing up?
Just in time for Valentine's Day,
here are 11 hot tips.
By Yana Tallon-Hicks
TANTALIZING
T6TIP
HER
You're great in the sack: You
pay attention to her desires,
you're enthusiastic, and you can
OVER
THE
even write the alphabet with
your tongue. But there are just
certain places you (and many
other lesbians) just won't go.
Why? Because that dildo looks
too real and BDSM is strictly for
the kinky? Well, a "penis" does
wonders when strapped onto a
lady, everyone deserves a good
spanking sometimes, and, no
offense, but we can all write the
alphabet with our tongues.
So don't be shy. These lesbian
sex taboos could be exactly
what'II take you from "great"
to over-the-edge amazing.
I. GETREALOSTIC}.
There are perks to veering
away from typical candy-pink dildos and
more toward the realistic. Vix-Skin, an
exclusive-to-Vixen-Creations blend of
silicone, makes for the most realisticfeeling (and, yes, -looking) dildos ever.
Sure, they're "flesh-colored;' but this
body-heaMransmitting, dual-density silicone
makes for a high-performing rigid inner core
and a supple-soft outer cushion that'll guarantee
neither of you will be thinking about the "real deal" ( unless
you want to, of course). (vixencreations.com)
2. PACKIT. Though it is nothing new to those who pack
regularly, women who confine masculine gender play to the
bedroom should give public packing a try. Packing is when
someone puts a little extra somethin' down her pants ( usually
a soft, dildo-esque toy intended for an aesthetic bulge rather
than penetration) as a means of gender expression. Wear one
to the club or even the grocery store. Letting her know you're
packing a little extra heat will have her begging you to take
her home. Check out transguys.com.'s Packer Showdown for
comprehensive soft-pack comparisons.
3. EXPLORE
THEBACKDOOR.
Just because we ladies don't have a
posterior pleasure spot like the male prostate doesn't mean
anal sex is restricted to our Chedoving counterparts. Read
up on it in Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for
Women to shed those pesky fears that backdoor shenanigans
are dirty or painful (with patience, a good lube, and a regular
shower, this just isn't true) and start embracing the pleasur-
able pressure that can come (and come) with our booties.
Before you start sizing up your regular strap-on, check out
smaller, more manageable toys like Good Vibrations' vibrating
Pandora Plug, designed to stay put during other activities,
or Romeo beads, which will kick up your orgasm when
removed during climax. (goodvibes.com)
4. TWICETHEFUN!Once practice has made perfect, double your
pleasure with the Menage-a-Trois harness, featuring two
rings for two separate dildos. It'll let your sweetie experience
the risque fantasy of a threesome without (you dyke-dramatists) making things even more complicated with your ex.
( thepleasurechest.com)
5. PUTA RING
ONIT. You wish I were talking about Beyonce. I'm
talking about cock rings. Yes, they need renaming, but the
vibrating versions of these little devils will make you realize
that the cocks aren't the only ones in the coop getting a boost
here. Strategically position these adjustable, vibrating rings
over a dildo or fingers, keeping your other hand free to roam.
Fan-favorite Neptune Ring's separate battery pack puts her
in control of vibration intensity. (goodvibes.com)
G.WATCH
PORN.
Not the soft-kissing, tame lesbian porn of the
'90s. Were much hotter than that. Those familiar with the
modern dyke porn scene may already know the super-hot
butch-on-butch and femme-loving flicks by Pink and White
Productions-like
the notorious Crash Pad Series (pinkwhite.
biz). Other lesbolicious tides include One Night Stand, featuring
videos directed by Joanna Angel and specializing in alternative
porn between the young and tattooed in all kinds of positions,
A History of the (Lesbian) Orgasm.
By Sara Whitford
~\~
~
=
~
34
I curve
300 B.C.
Thefirstvibratora water-powered
saw-is invented
.
..............................................................
c.400B.C.
Hippocrates,
the
"fatherofWestern
medicine,"
warnsof
uterusneglect,
and
advises
husbands
to
massage
thevulvawith
thefingers
to prevent
reproductive
disorders.
100A.D.
Inhisinfluential
Gynaecology,
physician
usadvises
of
wi
andb
to heigh n their
sexualde ire,
stimulate
o asm
andfacilitate
conception.
queer and straight voannaangel.com).
And don't shy away from wham-bam-thankyou hetero porn! Getting off on watching an
innocent cheerleader get seduced by a cute
delivery boy does not make you a bad lesbian.
It just makes you comfortable with your sexuality. And that's just hot.
ORGASMSAREGOODFORYOUFarther than 30 feet away? Bridge the gap
with OhMiBod's Better Than Chocolate
Researchshowsthat an active
vibe, which plugs into your computer for
sexlife maycorrelateto a reduced
risk of heartdiseaseand cancer.
some Skype-compatible fun and puts a
Thehormoneoxytocinreleased
whole a new spin on the concept of dirty
duringorgasmhelpsreduce
talk. (babeland.com)
tensionandanxiety.
In onestudy32 percentof
womenusedmasturbationas
a sleepaide.
10.GITKNOTTY.
BDSM (bondage/ dominance
and sadism/masochism) isn't
all savage whippings
(and liking it) isn't as anti-feminist as your
in dark dungeons. Rather, a little
college professor may have suggested. If it turns you on to
consensual power play involving the
play with consensual degradation, or if you just plain want to
giving and relinquishing of dominarrate, do it! Tongue-tied? Warm up by reading erotica to
nance and submission can be very sexy
each other. The queer publishing company Cleis Press puts out
a steamy Best Lesbian Erotica collection yearly. (cleispress.com) indeed. Make a smooth introduction to
the scene with Incoqnito's line of discretely
8. BLOW
HERAWAY.
Yes, the Mr. Man dildo looks realistic, but sophisticated BDSM toys like its leather-andstainless-steel cuffs (below) and wearable Droplet
it also features a hollow core, which, when strapped onto
Necklace (right), nipple clamps that double as subtle
the right spot, allows you to actually feel the sensation when
vibrators. ( incoqnito.com)
someone sucks on the toy. Though it doesn't pack or penetrate
very well (and can be a little awkward to get situated), it
H. PICKUP A THIBDWHEEL.
When
certainly makes for some great role-playing opportunities.
done right, threesomes can
(edenfantasys.com)
bring daring couples
9. BACK
OFF.
Everyone knows that U-Hauling lesbos love it upcloser together or
close and personal, but a little space (and technology) can go make for an unfora long way in foreplay. Hook her up with Love to Love's Cry
gettable one-night
Baby, a remote-controlled vibrator that lets you direct her
stand. Plus, going
through seven pulse patterns wherever you are (well, within
on the prowl with
30 feet). Make that date night a little more interesting or
your honey 1s
torture her from the next room.
lots of fun! ■
1. TALK
DIRTY.
Getting called a few choice words
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////p
TheMedievalEra
Thefemaleorgasmis
referredto bythe physician
Avicennaas "movements
of the matrix."
300A.D.
MedicalscholarAetius
refersto the female
orgasmas a "certain
tremor"that is required
for conception.
1200s
Nunsandwidowsare
prescribed
dildosby
doctors,to helpeasethe
symptomsof hysteria.
1883
Theword
"orgasm"is used
for the first time
in medicaltexts.
1500s
In his Livesof Fair& GallantLadiesSeigneur
de Brantome
describestwo Frenchcourtladies
whowerecaughtby a princemakinglovewith a
prostheticdevisethatwas"so neatlyfastenedon
by little beltspassingroundthe bodythat it looked
likea naturalmember."
Theprinceaskedthemto
demonstrate.
Surgeon
AmbroiseParearguesthatwomenwith
strongsexdrivesandvoluptuous
lifestylesareless
likelyto sufferfrom menstrualdisordersastheir
"humours"flow morefreely.
1899
Anadvertisement
for the "Vibratile"
appearsin McClure'sMagazine
promisinga curefor neuralgia,
headaches
andwrinkles.
1901
Frenchsocial
observerand
writerAli
Coffignon
warnsthatthe
vibrationsof the
manualsewing
machinecould
turn heterosexualwomen
intolesbians.
TlMELINEPHOTOS: COURTESY OF NEW YORK-TRIBUNE(ADVERTISEMENT)
January/February
2011
I 35
\
'I
J'
Styling Your Hair
"Down There"
By Stephanie
Schroeder
VAGINA
BRIAR
PATCH
About 10 years ago, my then-girlfriend, a self-identified butch
woman, and I were hanging out with two other couples, both
butch-femme, more or less. As we were chatting, the conversation moved to pussy, the way it often does. "Do you prefer
waxing or shaving?" was the question put to us by one of the
butches. My girlfriend and I looked at each other quizzically
and then back at our friends. "What?" I exclaimed.Turns out,
the other four women in the room, butches, femmes, and
in-betweens, all removed at least some of their pubic hair,
one way or another. My girlfriend and I were horrified. Butch
women waxing their pussies-what
had the lesbian world
come tor
36
I curve
The lady-scaping business has taken some unlikely turns
in recent years. This particular post-femme gal sports a
full, natural bush and cannot fathom why-oh-why women
anywhere, of any persuasion or orientation, would subject
themselves to what I consider the brutality of shaving and
waxing, just to go bare "down there:' It may be the middle-aged,
Midwestern lesbian in me, but I also feel a bit funny about
grown women with bald pubes-they remind me of underage
girls. Plus, let's face it, hair removal is painful. And honestly,
shaved and waxed pussies have a plucked-chicken look.
Certainly the pornification of sex-lesbian
and otherwise-has contributed to a standard of beauty and grooming
that is far different from what it was when I came of age. As
much as I personally refuse to adhere to the latest pubic hair
fashions, I am fascinated by the proliferation of hairstylesas well as the improved methods of hair removal. In fact, I'm
kinda obsessed with the latest fashions.
REVAMP
YOUR
VA-JAY-JAY
FORVALENTINE'S
DAY
HAIR-STORY
Pubic hairstyles began in the early 1600s, when pubic wigs
(merkins) were worn by prostitutes to disguise lice and
signs of STDs (then referred to as "venereal disease"). The
British were ahead of the times in terms of pubic relations.
But in the U.S., the "Pubic Wars" (a phrase coined by Playboy
mogul Hugh Hefner) had just begun when Playboyand the
American branch of Penthousebegan a steady one~upman~
ship of pubic hair peek~a~boos in the '60s and '70s.
On chic beaches in exotic Mediterranean and European
locales, string bikinis became a fashion phenomenon in the
'70s. More recently, the explosion of the thong as an "under~
garment" turned the Brazilian wax into a mandate.
Today, fashioning one's pubes is the stylish thing to do,
whether it's just a quick trim or something extraordinarily
elaborate. The designs of choice today are varied, though
the Full Brazilian is preferred, according to Audra Senkus~
lemma, co~owner of the Haven and Eve spas in New York
City. Senkus~ lemma registered the Sphinx as a trademark
service on her waxing menu. She says the Sphinx, named
after a type of hairless cat, removes all the hair in the pelvic
region. Elsewhere, this is often termed the Barbie Doll.
Senkus~ lemma gave me a rundown on the "official"delinea~
tions of the various types of waxes that can be had. A Bikini
is cleaning up around the edges of a regular bathing suit line,
so no hair sticks out. A French Brazilian brings in the Bikini
more, narrower and bare around the edges. A Brazilian Bikini
works when one wears a thong-hair
is removed from bet~
Who knowswhat
snatch fashionswill
be big this year, but
currentcrotchcrazes
include:
PubicHairDye.What
started as a way to
cover up a few gray
pubic hairs went
from fad to craze
and is now a steady
business. (bettybeauty.com)
Va-jazzling.Bejeweling
your lady parts seems
to have begun when
Jennifer Love Hewitt
announced on a TV
talk show that she
Va-jazzles her va-jayjay regularly to feel
proud of her privates.
Va-jazzling is adorning
one's vagina with tiny
Swarovski crystals (or
less expensive imitations, if you are not
Jennifer Love Hewitt).
Va-tooing(aka twatooing). These painless tats (sometimes
referred to as vats)
are applied with
an airbrush. The
process begins with
a Brazilian wax to
get rid of all traces
of hair. After you've
been stripped of
all signs of natural
womanhood, you
can then specify
the nontoxic colors
of your choice for a
temporary design
on your lady bits.
ween the buttocks and the outer half of the labia, but some is
left on the labial lips and the front of the pubes.
The Full Brazilian (or Modern Brazilian) is waxing bet~
ween the buttocks, fully removing hair from the labia, but
with a very narrow "landing strip" in front.
"'Brazilian' has become the term for everything coming
off;' says Senkus~ lemma, but really, some hair is left after
most treatments.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////h
1910
Researcher
HavelockEllis
discoversthat 67 to 75
percentof womencannot
haveorgasmsduringsex.
1960s
Second
waveof
women's
liberation.
zu::
lJ._
a:
S2,
0
0
g
1953
Sexresearcher
AlfredKinseypublishes
SexualBehaviorin theHumanFemale
revealingthat lesbianshavesignificantly
moreorgasmsthanheterosexual
females.
1930s
Psychologist
AbrahamMaslow's
studieson human
sexualityfind that
an increasein a
woman'ssexual
fulfillmentaccompaniesher progressof
equalityin society.
1973
Dell
Williams
opensEve's
Garden,
the first
feminist
women's
sexshopin
NewYork.
CD
LLI
::J
a:
f-
l.LI
~
~
TIMELINE PHOTOS: SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION LIBRARIE (ELLIS}, ARTIS & SZELMEK (GIRL}
1974
Pro-sexfeministBetty
DodsonpublishesSex
ForOneandteaches
womenhowto masturbate.
1980
A sexsurveyfindsthat 78 percent
of femalesmasturbateregularly.
RIDEIN
STYLE
Who said harnesses need to
be utilitarian? Strap on the
sexy with this vintage inspired
"Circus" leather harness from
Dirty Darlings. Each item is
handcrafted from dark red
leather and hand screenprinted
with cream stipes. Adding to its
charm are velvet-soft cream
ruffles and a duo of mustachioed
leaping aerialists make this a
harness that has to be seen (or
worn) to be believed. It's the
perfect boudoir ensemble for
the fashion-forward top.
(etsy.com/shop/transaction)
MODERN
MUFFS
I spoke to other lezzies who lady~scape and found that, at
least among the under~ 30 crowd, shaving is the preferred
method of tidying up their pubes. "I shave;' one friend told
me. 'Tm not a fan of pain for beauty. I shave to pull it all in,
then I trim;' she said. "I actually prefer when it's grown in
a bit ... lt's fuzzy and not bumpy or anything, and I keep it
pretty close to how it grows, like an upside~down triangle. Or
I'll do a landing strip. I need some kind of hair:'
Another friend tells me that eliminating her hair down
there is in line with her general distaste for body hair. "I am
naturally rather fuzzy, so I've always shaved my legs and arm~
pits. Over the years, I had encroached on the edges of the
bush, and it got trimmed and trimmed until one day a lover
shaved me all off, just to try it. That was five or six years ago;'
she reveals. "I simply don't like the look of body hair-on
anyone. It takes me a moment to psychologically adjust to the
look of a lover who doesn't shave:'
She continues to shave so that her va~jay~jayfeels neat and
tidy, but like me she is less than enthusiastic about the idea of
fashioning her pubes. She has returned to the "ragged~looking
landing strip" more because she is reluctant to take it all off
than because she likes the look. "I still think landing strips
are reminiscent of a certain porn~star aesthetic that doesn't
do much for me:'
Clearly, the lesbian community has all sorts of tastes when
it comes to lady~scaping. Somewhere in the modern ruby~
fruit jungle of pubic hairstyling, I'd like to think there is a
sweet balance between happily bare and wildly natural. The
real message I want to put out to my sisters is, please be kind
V//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
1982
TheGSpotandOtherRecentDiscoveries
AboutHumanSexualityis publishedbyAlice
KahnLadas& BeverlyWhipple,claimingthat
the Gspotcanproducemoreintensefemale
orgasmsthanclitoralstimulation
.
'o//////////////////////////////////////////
1985
AnnLandersreceives100,000
responses
to a questionshe
askedherreadersandfindsthat72 percent
of womenwouldpreferto be"heldcloseand
treatedtenderly"ratherthanhavesex.
1996
Sixty-twopercentof women
in relationships
aresatisfied
with the frequency/
consistency
of orgasms.
...........................................................
A...............................................
A. ..........., ........................
.
1983
Universityof Washington
sociologistPepper
Schwartzcoinstheterm"lesbianbeddeath"
in herbookAmericanCouples.
Accordingto
Schwartz,lesbiansexperience
lesssexual
intimacythe longerthe relationship
lasts.
TheJournalof SexResearch
publishes"Arousability
andsexual
satisfactionin lesbianandheterosexual
women"measuring
the
sexualbehaviorof 407lesbiansand370heterosexual
women.
Themeanscoreonthe SexualArousability
Inventoryis higherfor
the lesbiansamplethanfor the heterosexual
sample.Lesbians
reporthavingsexmoreoften,morefrequentorgasms,moresexual
satisfactionanda greaternumberof partners.Genderempathy,
women'ssocialization
to communicate,
andmethodof orgasm
wereconsidered
in accounting
for the moresatisfyingsexlife
reportedby lesbians.
TIMELINE PHOTOS: GUTHY-RENKER (SCHWARTZ}
38
I curve
1990s
Dr.Raymond
C.Rosenestimates
thatanorgasmia-theinability
to orgasm-affects24to 37
percentof women.
2006
TheJournalof SexResearch
publishesthe surveyresults
of 19,000Australianwomen
bythreeuniversities
revealing
thatwomenhavinglesbian
sexaremorelikelyto reach
orgasmthanthosehaving
straightsex.76 percentof
womenwhosleptwith anotherwomanreachedorgasm,
compared
to only69 percent
whosleptwith men.
GLOSSARY
OFFASHION
FORWARD
FUZZ
For some specific designer thatches, see the list below.
Proceed at your own risk and choose your pubic stylist wisely,
or you could pay dearly (and painfully) for a hairstyle gone wrong.
to your lady parts and tolerant of others: whatever your
fashion choice or erotic preference.
RXFOR
ABADWAX
A Va-jay-cialis exactly what it sounds like: rejuvenation
for your vagina, similar to a facial, but between your legs
and not your ears. Invented by the California
waxing salon Stript Wax Bar, the Va~jay~cial
is for women whose Brazilian waxes turn out
not to be the sexy experience they hoped for.
For the ingrown hairs, bumps, skin irritations,
and other unwanted side effects of waxing, the
60~minute, $60 treatment may rescue your
crotch from cruel punishment. Performed
about a week after your initial wax, the
treatment involves four steps: antibac~
terial cleansing with witch hazel, a papaya
exfoliation, and then removal of ingrown
hairs by a licensed esthetician. The finale
consists of a calming anti~freckle, anti~acne
mask and a lightening cream. Voila! Now
you're set to go out and do it all over again.
CHARLIE
CHAPLIN:
a horizontal
strip that looks like a
mustache (sometimes
referred to as the Adolf).
ARROW:
a simple strip with an
arrowhead on the bottom.
BASIC
BIKINI:
a tidying up of hair
that gives the appearance of a
bikini-bottom shape.
NATURAL:
a growing bush
left untouched.
FULL
BRAZILIAN:
the most popular
pubic hairstyle of all, the waxing
off everything except for a
narrow landing strip of hair.
CARDSHARK:
pubic hair is shorn
to leave a playing-card design.
Apparently, hearts are the rave,
diamonds the fave, then there
are gals who deal in
spades-however,
clubs are rarely
played.
PRINCESS:
a vertical oval shape.
TRIANGLE:
a small, triangular
patch.
SPHINX,
ORBARBIE
DOLL:
the
complete removal of all hair
in the pelvic region. We're
talking waxing your labia
majora as well as between
your cheeks. ■
(striptwaxbar.com) ■
@)
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LUS
Collective Chaos Design puts the fierce in fetish fashion.
For the ultimate in erotic eye candy this luscious array of latex
garments are handmade, each piece made to measure, so it
feels as good as it looks, almost like a second skin. The kinky
craftspeople at Collective Chaos Design work equally hard to
minimize their carbon footprint, creating these eye-popping outfits
using materials that will last a lifetime-as
well as maintaining strict
recycling rules. Plus, all their unsold items go to Trans America
Trading Co., ensuring that every garment goes to use. That way, the
wearer can still feel nice, even when she's looking oh-so-naughty!
(collectivechaosdesign. com)
POLKA-DOT DRESSES ($235 AND $285)
MODELS: CRASH AND MARLO MARQUISE
PHOTOS BY
CORRUPT IMAGE DATA
(CORRUPTIMAGEDATA.COM)
40
I curve
The "Miss" dress is simple and stunning, showcasing the neck and
shoulders beautifully. Made from the highest-quality latex, with a
hand-cut polka-dot pattern on the strapless top section, the dress
also features an accent strip that surrounds the underbust and a sturdy
zipper on the back for comfort, while fully hemmed and reinforced. The
"Madame" dress is both conservative and provocative. Collar and
hem feature a stunningly detailed, pleated-latex lace trim. The dress
is fully hemmed and reinforced. Shown here in black and ivory,
perfect for your Nun or French Maid costume!
OCTOPUSSY DRESS ($725)
MODEL: CRASH
Made from the highestquality transparent latex, with
handcrafted, multilevel, sensual,
octopus-shaped applique that
wraps around the body with
latex tentacles, giving a thrilling
sensation to the owner, as
well as anyone who sees it.
January/February
2011
I 43
RED SWIMSUIT ($65 AND $75)
MODEL: VELOCITY
For the tomboy in you: A latex tank top
and boy-cut underwear. Produced from the
marriage of vintage-inspired, high-waisted
undies and male underwear design. Fully
functional for easy access, and applicable
to all your needs and pleasures. Shown in
the two-tone option, but also available
with like-color trim.
44
I curve
Last summer, we watched as Nikki
Weiss-Goldstein and Jill Sloane
Goldstein planned their fantasy
wedding on the hit reality series
The Real L Word. From choosing
wedding dresses to selecting their
venue, a palatial home in the Malibu
hills, Weiss and Goldstein shared with
us all the joys and stresses of their
forthcoming nuptials. So when season
one ended before the actual wedding
day, we were left wondering what
happened next. Now, in an exclusive
interview, the newlyweds fill us in on
the details of their glamorous wedding,
their honeymoon in Hawaii and what
they really think of their reality series.
46
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For Nikki Weiss~Goldstein and Jill Sloane Goldstein, their
wedding, on Oct. 9, 2010, in Malibu, Cali£, was the fulfill~
ment of a dream the two never knew they always wanted. The
couple exchanged their vows under a chuppah in a traditional
Jewish ceremony, while family and close friends looked on.
They wrote their own vows. "We listened to them for the
first time up at the altar;' explains Weiss. "Jill went first, and
then I joked that mine are terrible, she's a writer, this isn't fair,
and everybody laughed. And I asked her if she could please
write mine for me:' But Weiss must have said something
right because, according to Goldstein, there wasn't a dry eye
on the premises."! definitely was a lot more emotional than I
expected to be;' says Goldstein. "I thought I was going to be
OK and have it together. In fact, we joked that Nik was the
one that was going to be a mess, and as it turned out we got
up there and my knees were shaking uncontrollably, and she
would look at me and say, Tm right here, I've got you; and it
was just overwhelming. There were definitely some tears and
you tried really hard not to ruin the makeup but the tears
were falling anyway:'
For Weiss, the most amazing part of the day was being
able to share it with all her loved ones. "Standing under the
chuppah with Jill and the rabbi, and ... seeing all of our worlds
collide and all of the people we love so much ... in one spot
together, and not there because this is a quote~unquote gay
wedding, but there because they' re seeing two people who
love each other get married-or
unlawfully wed. But, you
know, in front of the Jewish community and in the eyes of
the rabbi we were married that day:'
Because same~sex marriage is still not recognized by the
State of California, the traditions of their religion, which
does recognize their union, took on greater meaning for the
couple as they planned their wedding. "We originally didn't
think we were going to have a very traditional ceremony;'
explains Weiss. "(But] as we started to meet with the rabbi
and learn more about the ceremony and his take on it, we saw
how open~minded and liberal and accepting he was about
our marriage ... and the more we felt equality and accep~
tance from the religion, I think it made us a little bit more
interested in wanting it to have that tradition. It was like, if
the government's not going to acknowledge us but the reli~
gion is, let's celebrate that:' So, in addition to the ceremony,
Weiss and Goldstein signed a ketubah-a marriage contract
in Jewish law.
While their ceremony was traditional, their road to the altar
was anything but. The two first met as children at a sleepaway
camp. At the time, Weiss was in the throes of her first preado~
lescent romance-with
Goldstein's brother. Twenty~five years
later, Weiss and Goldstein were reunited through a website
for the camp they had attended as kids. And things quickly
heated up between the two."We knew there was a connection
between us, but we didn't know what that connection was,
and so, when we decided to meet-because Jill was living in
San Francisco and I was in L.A.-when we decided to meet,
I go, 'Look, no pressure, we'll either braid each other's hair and
play jacks or we won't;" Weiss says, with a laugh.
In keeping with the spirit of the sleepaway~camp origins
of their romance, Weiss and Goldstein, along with all their
friends and family, checked into the Malibu Beach Inn on
the evening before the nuptials. "It's a very small boutique
hotel, so it was basically all our entire family and friends. It
was like a sleepover party. So we woke up in the morning, we
looked at each other and we just started giggling, like, 'Oh my
god, today's the day!' and before we even got in the shower or
did anything, we ran downstairs, because all of our friends
and family were up at, like, seven in the morning, sitting on
the balcony overlooking the ocean, and I think we were just
screaming;' says Weiss.
January/February
2011
I 49
"We were so silly;' agrees Goldstein. "We were torn between
wanting to run up and get ready and wanting to stay and
hang out with everyone at breakfast. I don't think either of
us were typical stressed brides. It helped that we decided we
were going to experience the whole process together. We got
ready together in the same guesthouse and had our makeup
and hair done with each other-and
our moms. We really
just wanted to take it all in. We really didn't leave each other's
side the entire daY:'
The wedding reception was held at the
same venue, poolside, under a sky so clear
that the planet Venus was visible. The couple
danced their first dance to "I Dreamed You"
Wedding
dresses
Goldstein wore
David Fielden
of London
Weiss wore
Winnie Couture
of Beverly Hills
so I curve
by Anastacia. The party went on late into the night, with
lots of music.. "We had a band and a DJ because we couldn't
decide;' explains Goldstein. "Then our lovely Rose [Garcia],
one of the [Real L Word] cast members who we're very, very
close to, gifted us a DJ. So we had two DJs and a band. It was
amazing-they
played off of each other and we got a little
bit of everything that night. People were dancing from the
moment they got there:'
While everyone had an incredible time at the reception,
no one had more fun than the brides themselves. "We were
certainly there, and partying and enjoying it;' says Goldstein.
"I personally have some vivid memories. I remember very
clearly the ceremony. I remember dancing with my father
very clearly. At one point, apparently, I rapped to the entire
wedding-"
"You did 'Baby Got Back'-and that was hot!" interjects
Weiss. But Goldstein wasn't the only one to hop on the mic
at the reception. Weiss also favored the crowd with a songher rendition of"Mustang Sally:'
After the wedding, the newlyweds headed off for a romantic
nine~day honeymoon at the Four
Seasons on Maui. "It was spoil me
rotten dot com;' jokes Weiss. "It was
magical. We explored off of the resort
and found these beautiful intimate
sunsets and these coves in the water
and it was amazing:'
"It's also a nice way, after the wed~
ding, after the craziness, to just be
together one~on~one. I think it's
important. We ate well, we rested, we
explored-it was a beautiful vacation. It went very quickly,
that's the only criticism I have;' says Goldstein.
Much has changed for Weiss and Goldstein since they
said "I do:' "I hyphenated my last name-so
now I sound
like a law firm;' jokes Weiss.
Weiss is also a bit more reflective. "I think deep down inside
there's a stronger feeling of a home than I've ever had before;'
she says. "Now there's nothing temporary, there's nothing
uncertain. You come home and this is it, this is where my family
now resides, this is where my future is:'
What hasn't changed is the couple's unwavering dedica~
tion to fighting for marriage equality. "I don't understand
that people don't have the fundamental right to marry. It just
does not make sense to me. I pay my taxes, I do all the things
that any heterosexual person does, and yet I'm not allowed
to marry? Jill and I have always fought the good fight-I
:Jiu,11bre wefelt~
~dw
amt~
~ Ytltinliu made U4
tnM'(}
~(ft~
t:cluuJetlua~.
wish that you had seen more of that [on the show]. But yes,
we're very active;' says Weiss.
Goldstein shares a disturbing fact she has recently learned:
California is one of 25 states that allow first cousins to legally
marry. "They argue the sanctity and health of the family, and
yet first cousins can marry and reproduce legally and samesex couples can't?" she says. "That just blew me away, that just
takes it to a whole other level of injustice. It's truly a hard pill
to swallow. You hear these awful arguments from the opposing
side-that
the families of same-sex couples, [the] children
won't be raised well. Now you're talking about genetic deformities! Really, you can't wrap your head around how unfair
this is:'
However, despite the setbacks that marriage equality has
faced, Goldstein remains hopeful. "I believe deep down
inside that it's a matter of time. I pray that it's in our genera-
tion, or it's in the next one, but I think that equality has to
prevail. If you look back in the past 60 years to civil rights and
the injustices with African Americans or other ethnicities, you
look back and go, 'How could that have been? It's so absurd:
I hope that one day we can look back and feel the same way
about this issue:'
One of the simplest ways that they advocate for equality
is through their visibility as an openly lesbian couple-two
women who the LGBT community as well as the mainstream can relate to. It was this, in part, that lead to them
join the cast of The Real L Word. And, while a number of
their fellow cast mates opted to share the more explicit areas
of their lives with the camera, Weiss and Goldstein elected
to keep that private. "We had a closed-door bedroom policy
from day one;' says Weiss. "Look, the other ladies are grown
adults and that's what they wanted to share, and so that's
January/February
2011
I 51
what was captured on film. I think that it pretty accurately
reflected who we are. This is our relationship. This is who we
are and where we are in our lives:'
"We didn't feel like we needed to exploit our intimacy on
camera;' agrees Goldstein. "That's private for us. If I want to
put out a sex tape, I will do that and make lots of money:'
"No, she will not;' laughs Weiss.
While the couple has received wonderfully encouraging
feedback from mainstream audiences, the LGBT blogo~
sphere has sometimes been unexpectedly cruel. Fortunately,
the two have taken the criticism in stride, deflecting it with
humor and a very down~to~earth realism. "They hate us!"
says Weiss.
"No, stop!" interjects Goldstein."We are two women, we're
each individuals, there is no possible way that I personally
or Nikki personally can represent every single woman's story
in this community. I think, with seeing lesbians on TV, they
want to see themselves. They want to see things they can relate
to. And I understand that and I appreciate that, but it's nearly
impossible for any of the six of us in the cast to possibly repre~
sent everybody's story. So I think if women in the audience
didn't relate to how we lived our lives, or who we were, or our
s2
I curve
values ... they were kind of vocal about it:'
"Let me say this;' says Weiss. "There was one statement
that I made which will probably be on my headstone, which
was, 'Jill and I are the straightest gay couple you're ever going
to meet: Well, that came back to haunt me ... All I meant ...
was that I don't define myself by my sexuality, solely. It is one
part of who I am. I'm very proud of who I am, I'm very proud
to be a gay woman, but I'm also so many other things. I'm a
businesswoman, I'm now a wife, I'm a daughter, I'm an aunt,
and so when I said that we were the straightest gay couple it
just meant that Jill and I live our life as every other person
does in this world, and we just don't define ourselves by being
gay. I don't subscribe to a lifestyle, and that was ammunition
for the gay world to target us. And they also felt like in this
show we didn't discuss enough about marriage equality. Well,
at the end of the day I'm not editing this. I am a producer,
but I had no editorial control over what they decided to show.
Jill's right-it's like we're here to represent ourselves. We can't
represent everybody:'
Always direct, Goldstein lays it on the line:"Truth be told,
I would have had a lot more respect for the majority of this
feedback that came our way-good
or bad-if
an actual
individual, if a woman with a name and a
face came toward me to tell me what she
thought, versus 'screen name number 637'
telling me I have a big nose and whatever.
I find it very cowardly:'
But it hasn't all been snarky and
unkind."We've been flooded with letters
from women on an international level,
and that's just what's blown me away,
the reach of this show;' says Goldstein.
"We've gotten so many letters from
women thanking us for sharing our
stories, telling us that their moms are
more open~minded, their parents are a
little bit more accepting of their lifestyle
from having seen an example of what
their relationship could be ... That's the
most amazing outcome of this entire
experience. When the blogs were roaring,
we would purposely remove ourselves
and rerun the letters, and see that it's so
much bigger than the snark:'
While Goldstein and Weiss remam
tighdipped as to whether they'll return
for the second season of TheRealL Word,
we're keeping our fingers crossed, hoping
for the opportunity to see what happens
next in their love story. As to what that
will be, Goldstein drops some hints. "It
took us a year to do the wedding and it
will only take us nine months to do the
baby;' she jokes. ■
There's nothing like 300-million-year-old fossils and
stalactites to remind you that your true love adventure
is all part of the unique unfolding of time.
hen choosing a location for your wedding,
you'd put scenic beauty at the top of your
list, right? But few lesbian brides have thought
about getting married underground, until lately.
Around 100 miles west of Sydney, Australia, is
a geographical wonderland known as Jenolan Caves.
These are the oldest known open caves in the world,
exhibiting their stunning limestone formations, fossils,
airy chambers, and sculptural outcrops in the shape
of arches, columns, pillars, and minarets, all formed
by nature more than 300 million years ago.
HOW
TOGETTHERE Jenolan Caves (jenolancaves.org.au) draws over
FromSydney:
JenolanCaves 250,000 visitors a year, but now offers a variety of
is abouta three-hour,
easyand unique locations for your secluded and very special
mostlyscenicdrivefromSydney. wedding ceremony. Imagine tying the knot deep
It's an hourand15-minutedrive underground in the world-renowned Lucas Cavefromthe BlueMountains-a
with its 160-foot-high Cathedral Chamber, it's large
populartraveldestinationfor
enough to accommodate 100 guests. For smaller
lesbians,
drawnto its bushscenery
gatherings,
the biblically named Temple of Baal Cave,
andvillages.Buscompanies
from Sydneymakeroundtripsto with its 30-foot-high Angel's Wing formation, might
JenolanCaveseveryday. make an impressive backdrop. The poetically named
FromCanberra: Devil's Coach House, Blue Lake, and Carlotta's Arch
A picturesque
three-hour are also available as uniquely beautiful subterranean
driveviaTablelands
Way. settings. Intrigued? You should be. If you're looking
54
I curve
for something a little different to symbolize your
commitment as rock-solid yet romantic, here it is:
Timeless romance and gravitas, all in one fascinating
geographical expedition.
For those who prefer to keep things aboveground,
the stately Jenolan Caves House hosts four reception
venues within the Grand Hotel, each offering its own
atmosphere and style. Menus and music, photography
and flowers, all can be selected as part of your package.
Domino Houlbrook-Cove, the wedding planner at
Jenolan Caves, encourages lesbian couples traveling
to the region to consider the many options for a
marvelous and memorable occasion. Even if you
aren't ready to tie the knot now, she recommends that
you take a tour, then enjoy a seductive overnight stay
at the bed-and-breakfast, complete with champagne
and lots of other indulgences. ■
IMPORTANTTO NOTE
• Thereis no gasat Jenolan,so planahead.When
travelingfromSydneythe laststopis Mount
Victoriaor Lithgow.Whentravelingfrom Canberra,
the last is at Oberonor Bathurst.
• JenolanCavesis in NationalPark.Nopets,
includingdogs.
• Theroadintothe JenolanValleyis notsuitable
for campersor motorhomes.
Michelle Blau and Dusti Ohland were legally united in a same-sex
civil union on March 12, 2007, in the spectacular beachside town
of Hahei, New Zealand. The couple, from Portland, Ore., front the
indie rock band Kiss Kill (kisskillrocks.com), but it was all kiss kiss
for the tattooed twosome on their special day.
PHOTOS BY ANDREW BURDICK (HISANDHERPHOTOGRAPHY.COM)
56
I curve
Michelle Blau and Dusti Ohland chose to tie the knot
in New Zealand because"Oregon does not recognize
anything more than a domestic partnership, so it
didn't really matter where we got married;' explains
Blau, who also wanted to get away.'i\.t the time, neither of our
families were very supportive of the marriage-though
now
my parents are wonderful and amazingly supportive-and
we felt that if no one would be coming to the wedding, then
we might as well go somewhere really amazing and exotic!"
Celebrant Maggie McLaurin conducted the ceremony,
which focused on the divinity of a union between the partners
and Mother Earth. The custom~made rings by Dave Iler
(alchemyjeweler.com) were consecrated in ocean water and
then blessed by the four elements, which were written into
the couple's vows:
I consecrate these rings
of life.
I consecrate these rings
warmth of love.
I consecrate these rings
wash them dean.
I consecrate these rings
solidity and stability.
with the element of air, the breath
with the element of fire, the
with the element of water, to
with the element of earth, for
I, Michelle, take you, Dusti, to be my lover, my friend, my
soul mate, my partner, and I offer this ring as a sign that
today I join my life with yours.
I, Dusti, thank you for this beautiful ring. I accept it as a
symbol that we are one with one another. The ring will
remind me of you. I will wear it with love-all of my life.
Amanda Mahowald, a friend of the brides, attended the
wedding (as the singular guest) to offer her unconditional
love and support. Photographer Daniel Doolan (scan~
chaiproductions.com), filmed the ceremony and the months
leading up to the union as part of the documentary Another
American Love Story.
Their commitment first became official when Blau
whisked Ohland away for a surprise weekend at the Lion
and the Rose, a Victorian B&B in Portland. Blindfolded,
Ohland entered their gorgeous room, where the bed was
covered with chocolate candies and rose petals. In the center
lay a card and a small box. Inside the card was a single candy
heart, which read "Marry Me;' and the box held the ring of
Ohland's dreams.
January/February
2011
I 57
"But, truth be told,
our secret lies in pajama pants,
laughter, junk food,
tattoos, adorable animal
YouTube videos,
and X-Files marathons."
Of course, Ohland said yes: "Michelle asked if she should
get down on one knee, but I assured her that she had done
enough to win my heart long ago:' Following a romantic dinner, Blau and Ohland went to a nickel arcade and celebrated
their engagement by winning each other trinkets and knick
knacks.
"Not wanting to be too conventional by simply having
engagement rings," explains Ohland, "we got matching
tattoos on the inside of our ring fingers, which say 'Forever:
Being that they were by far the most painful of all our tattoos,
it was an extreme expression oflove:'
Together nearly six years, Ohland and Blau regard themselves as blissfully wed. "Considering the fact that we not
only work in the same office, perform together in the band
Kiss Kill, and that the average lesbian relationship can be
measured in dog years, it's like we've really been together for
about four decades;' says Blau. "There is no one with whom
I would rather spend every waking moment. We are soul
mates in every sense of the word. When people inquire how
we maintain such an astonishing relationship, I always credit
compatibility, honesty and communication as contributing
factors. But, truth be told, our secret lies in pajama pants,
laughter, junk food, tattoos, adorable animal YouTube
videos and X-Files marathons:'
But life wasn't always funny videos and sci-fi reruns. Both
Ohland and Blau struggled to find their sexual identity during
adolescence, and at the age of 12 Blau began her battle against
anorexia and self-mutilation, not to mention learning to accept herself as a lesbian after being raised in the Mormon
Church. "To date;' says Blau, "I have been seven years healthy
and now make it my mission to speak out to young girls,
using my music and poetry in hopes of inspiring them to
embrace their bodies and their souls just as they are:' It's a
struggle Ohland also understands all too well. She battled
addiction from the age of 14 and used alcohol as a means to
escape her dysfunctional family. Ohland has been sober for
the past five years, and now her main objective is to make
music a performance platform that is "clean and safe;' an
environment where people of any age can express themselves
in a positive, healthy manner:'
We wish Blau and Ohland a very happy anniversary and
many more to come. ■
Bilingualis inspiredby what a ring can represent,'the journey
that two people share'. All Bilingualringsare designed unisex
enablingmatchingringsto unite a partnershipfor an eternity.
Some pieces from our range includeinterlockingring sets,
the momenta ringthat is enrichedwith an embosseddate in
roman numerals& ringsthat followthe contourof your hand
for superiorcomfort.Bilingualcan create your ringsin any
preciousmetal and also offersa full customdesign service.
So why not contactBilingualtoday, info@bilingual.com.au
--111
b ng ~.:ilingual.com.au
WELLSUITED
The Butch Clothing Company offers custom-fit clothing for the debonair dyke.
By Merryn Johns
Shaz Riley makes it her mission to
provide butch women with classically
tailored clothing for any special
occasion, including their wedding day.
orget mass-produced ready-to-wear clothes.
And say goodbye to shopping in the menswear
department-crossing
your fingers and hoping
it fits. Butch women can now rejoice in a new (yet old)
approach to formalwear. With the very British notion of
"bespoke" -that
is, clothing custom-tailored to fit your
individual body shape and your individual style-is on its way.
Traditionally pertaining to upscale men's clothing, the
art of bespoke tailoring joined the 21st century when Riley
launched the Butch Clothing Company (thebutchclothingcompany.co. uk) in June 2010, expressly to cater to the
underserved market of butch lesbians. The response in the
U.K. and from women around the globe "has been fantastic;'
according to Riley. "When our journey began, I didn't even
know if we would get a single client, and the phone hasn't
stopped ringing!"
60
I curve
The Butch Clothing Company attracts customers from
all walks of life: students, businesswomen, authors, teachers.
"Some women want suits for work, some want a suit for their
wedding, some just want a great casual trendy tweed to wear
with their jeans;' explains Riley. ''All our clients to date have
been lesbians. However, we realized very early on that for
same-sex weddings and civil partnerships, often the wedding
parties have male family members and friends, so we have
embraced female butch/ male butch to allow our clients the
option of dressing their entire wedding parry:' Femmes
who would like a classically tailored suit are also more
than welcome.
It all sounds so civilized, so it's probably pricey, right? Well,
it can be. Prices are determined by the fabric, lining, and
detailing you require. Pricing starts for suits at $560 and
Riley says the average cost of a two-piece suit is $780 to
$950, while a three-piece is around $1,200 to $1,300.
Jackets are around $630 and shirts $200. Popular choices
and the latest trends include linings in funky colors and
Ta~lor Made
TheDianeApplebystoryis oneof handcrafted,
contemporary
jewellery. Diane'snameasa designer
andmakeris synonymous
with richlycolouredgemstones
Celebrations
andpreciousmetals.Dianehasearnedthe acclaimof
Tome,Loveshouldalwaysbecelebrated
andinourchallenging
world
toomuch!
today,I believeit cannotbecelebrated
loversof finejewellerywhoenjoywearingbespokepieces.
Dianeworkswith clientsto createindividualpiecesthat are
Whena couplestandbeforetheirfriends,
familyandthewider
community
andhavetheirloveandcommitment
to eachotherrecognized
publicly
it'sa giftto allwhoareinvited
to participate.
enduringsymbolsof relationships
andspecialoccasions.
Weshouldneverunderestimate
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DianeAppleby
overseas:
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diane@dianeappleby.com
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email: waldoslunch@bigpond.com
www.dianeappleby.com
www.ta_ylormadecelebrations.com
Stay a minimum of three nights and
receive a complimentary upgrade to
the next available room type.
Honeymoon Bliss*
Honeymooners will enjoy a bottle of
sparkling wine, complimentary upgrade
to the next available room type and
a late check out of 1pm.
*Valid until 31 March 2010. Based on limited
allocation of rooms and subject to availability. Please
quote Magazine Special 1Vhenbooking these packages.
Enjoy Sydney's best location offering exceptionally warm hospitality and the traditional
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Take time out and experience the wonders of Sydney, whilst enjoying all the facilities
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The Menzies
SYDNEY
Bower Cottage Accommodation in Blackheath is an elegant, warm and
inviting cottage or an elevated studio apartment, secluded in landscaped
acreage, bordering the World Heritage listed Blue Mountains National Park.
Suited to couples or singles and able to sleep 3 people, each has cooking
facilities, a luxury double spa, slow combustion fire, quality linen, feather
quilts, Lindt chocolates, flowers, candles and essential oils .....What more
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At Bower Cottage we take pride in meeting your expectations of luxury,
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It wasmagical
andnota dryeyeintheplace!
- Paula& Michelle
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Celebrate
yourloveandcommitment
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• JenniferCram • +61 7 3378-3005
-------------------------
62
I curve
designs, vibrant tones, and retro paisleys.
Gay fashion mavens take note: Butch fashion is on the
rise. The BCC has already been featured in DIVA magazine,
and on Equally Wed.com and Perez Hilton's CocoPerez.com.
Clearly, Riley has created a niche market, and it's growing.
"We have just launched our overcoat line and a month
earlier saw the launch of our shirts. Next year will see further
developments in our fabric lines and we plan to update the
overcoat line every year, to stay up with the market trends.
We hope to be operating consultations in America and
maybe even as far afield as
Australia and New Zealand, if
the interest is there. We have a
small but loyal following already
in America and hope to see
the first of our U.S.-based customers in New York City this
Christmas:'
Old-fashioned
face-to-face
service is all part of The Butch
Clothing Company. There is
no online shopping, yet. "We
run consultations, as opposed
to a store;' explains Riley. "I see
clients at our consultation rooms in Brighton, at their home
or place of work, and if they happen to be staying at a hotel
we arrange to meet them there. In the U.S., we will see clients
in our hotel suite. We are currently aiming to negotiate a deal
with an airline and a hotel chain to allow us regular, costeffective visits to the U.S. We currently don't offer an online
service because, as a small bespoke tailoring company, our
measurement process and service level is crucial. Eventually,
however, we may consider displaying all fabrics, linings, and
detailing on our website, along with comprehensive instructions on how to complete your own measuring process, which
would then facilitate online ordering. Who knows what
exciting projects the future holds for The BCC!"
It's no longer just the brides who get the haute couture on
their special day. Butch girls can look sharp, too. ■
CALIF.
PALMSPRINGS,
It's opulent.It's hip.And
it's warmyearround.Try
a sprawling
theViceroy,
property
1950s-style
wherethe intimate
anamazing
numberof
poolsat the
baseof thedesert'ssignaturemountain
range.Thesuperbonmeans
siterestaurant
youcannoshpoolsideor bedside-without
everhavingto leave.
com)
(viceroypalmsprings.
CRUISE
ANALASKAN
S t sailthroughstunningglaciers,spot
rarebaldeaglesand
explorewildAmerica
withyoursweetheart.
There'snothinglike
keepingcozyin the
crispairto bringa
Travel
coupletogether.
in thecompanyof
womenonSweet's
AlaskaCruise,
May15-22,2011.
com)
(discoversweet.
CALIF.
RIVER,
R,.USSIAN
redwoods,
Towering
cleanair andan ubertownmake
gay-friendly
this NorthernCalifornia
anideal
destination
for yournext
location
This
romanticgetaway.
town
quaintmountain
witha gourmetflairalso
boaststhe lesbianownedBoonhoteland
spa,featuringhigh
qualityservice,adorable
andaffordable
bungalows
prices.(boonhotels.com)
Looking for somewhere sexy and romantic for your next couples getaway? We asked
Sweet CEO Shannon Wentworth for her top 10 picks for lovers, honeymooners and
those planning to pop the question while on vacation.
ISLAMUJERES,
MEXICO
hatelsecanwe say
aboutthe beautifulNapa
ValleyandSonomaexcept
eat,drink,drinksome
moreandbeverymerry.
PROVINCETOWN,
MASS.
HAWAII
A gaymeccasincethe
?Osandboastinga
full calendarof gayand
esbianevents,fromGirl
plashin July(provinctownforwomen.com/
girl-splash)
to Women's
Weekin October
(womeninnkeepers.com)
P-townis the gayest
seasideadventure
in the Northeast.
ThoughHawaii
disappointing
y, legalized
neithersame-sex
marriages
norcivil
unions,manystill
considerthe 50thUnited
Stateto begaytropical
paradise.
Volcano
lovers,enjoy!
ICO
, five-starresortfull
of women?Getmarriedand
honeymoon
in thesameplace
withSweetat the luxurious
PalaceResort,Sept.1-8, 2012.
(discoversweet.
com)
KEYWEST,FLA.
Theformerhomeof KellyMcGillishas
plentyto offer,includingtonguetinglingKeyLimepieandhedonism
to
spare.Visitin steamySeptember
for
(womenfest.com)
WomenFest.
Thissleepy,undiscovered
gem ers
privacy,intimacy,beautyandI x ry.
Addunmatched
serviceandaffordable
pricingandthe Islandof Womenjumps
to thetop of listof bestplacesfor your
honeymoon.
In 2011,Sweettakesoverfor
two exclusively
lesbianweeksin Mayand
September.
Now,that'sthetimeto go.
(discoversweet.
com)
TAHITI
Whetheryouchoose
oneresortor to takea
romanticcruise,thecrystal
clear,warmwatersand
laid-backatmosphere
gets
the romance
flowing.It's
pricey,butonceyouget
overthesticker-shock,
it's
wortheverypenny.■
Good for Gays?
With LGBT rights about to be enshrined in its new
constitution, with its legal recognition of a "third gender"
and with same-sex unions on the horizon, this tiny country
between India and China just might be the most welcoming
LGBT travel destination in Asia. By Maria De La 0
c;
ld sweats, shortness of breath, pounding headache,
even some vomiting-this
could be the lead-up to any
wedding, anywhere in the world.
But we aren't just anywhere. We're hiking to Mt.
Everest, and we're winding a slow path, on foot,
through the Himalaya. The vomiting (for at least one of us)
begins at Namche Bazaar, a village 11,300 feet high in the
Khumbu Valley. Namche has 1,000 year-round residents,
about as many yaks and many more itinerant adventureseekers. Despite the bouts of altitude sickness, we have come
to idealize Namche, with its knockoff mountain gear, ready
Internet access, and plentiful Everest brand beer, as a kind
of cloud-shrouded Shangri-La, a place of relative warmth,
comfort and joy. As we walk, we unconsciously begin
humming "Namche, Namche ... " to the tune of Madonna's
Ray of Light-era "Shanti/ Ashtangi:'
Our tiny group-Jen
and I and our friend Kat, as well
66
I curve
as a Colorado-based mountain guide, a Sherpa and three
porters-has
been hiking steadily upward for days, though
weve taken some one- or two-day breaks to try to acclimatize
and therefore avoid the effects of altitude. The teahouse
accommodations have become steadily more ascetic, but
the landscape is more breathtaking with each vertical foot
we climb.
Oh, and one confession: We're not really a wedding party.
We're an advance film crew, scouting what we hope will be
our next project, a story about Everest. Does a wedding feature
in the last reel:>Hey, who knows:>
Director and scriptwriter Jen Heck and I began our trip,
strangely enough, in Palm Springs, where we met up to film
the shenanigans at Dinah Shore Weekend. After ditching
our more impractical items (bikini, Bermuda shorts) in LA.,
we're off to Kathmandu via Bangkok.
Once in Kathmandu, we establish our home base at the
Hotel Courtyard in the Thamel neighborhood, the main tourist district. Our friend
Kat Pankam, a fashion stylist, has taken
the popular East Coast route to Nepal (via
New York and Mumbai) and is already
waiting for us, rested and ready for adventure. Although we have only a couple of
days in Kathmandu, we soak up the sights
and sounds as deeply as we can-exploring
on foot and in motorized rickshaws, gazing
at the architecture of Durbar Square and
the pilgrims at Swayambhunath Temple,
and eating everything from chicken curry
on the cheap to Korean barbecue at a
swanky rooftop restaurant (also ridiculously cheap).
"Kathmandu's jam-packed with every
kind of experience;' Jen says."You can almost
get run over by a rickshaw and then walk
into a store with brand-new Macs:'
We hate to leave, but our date with the
Himalaya calls.
Except for our little tribe, we find that
the mountain has yet to become a gay mecca,
although at one teahouse we do meet a
ladies' wrestling team from Canada. Of
course, it's a little difficult to tell gay from
straight through all our layers of fleece and
Gore-Tex.
But Nepal itself, especially Kathmandu,
is changing-and
quickly. For one thing,
a law that my 2006 Lonely Planet alludes
to, one that forbids "any kind of unnatural
sex" ( used to justify police harassment of
gay Nepalis), was stricken from the books
in 2008.
In just a few years, this strategically
placed nation of 28 million people has
tossed out a king, moved from a Hindu
monarchy to a secular state, and declared
itself a democratic republic. Although
parliament is still discussing the exact
terms of a new constitution (the deadline
for ratification is now extended until May
2011), the LGBT civil rights that will be
enshrined in the constitution are not subject to any serious debate.
'i\t the end of 2007, the Supreme Court
made this fantastic verdict ordering government to amend discriminatory policies
against gays, lesbians, and transgenders.
[Now] all the political parties are actively
recruiting the sexual/ gender minority
vote;' says Sunil Pant, who was one of the
plaintiffs in the case that ended sanctioned
discrimination, and who, just a few months
later, was elected to the nation's parliament.
He is now the first openly gay man serving
in a parliament anywhere in South Asia.
Nepal's Supreme Court followed up by
legally recognizing a "third gender" in 2008, and Pant predicts
that the legalization of same~sex unions, which is currently
under review and about "80 percent finished;' is imminent
in the next few months. By the end of the year, Nepal is
likely to enact more comp~rehensive LGBT civil rights
litigation than you'll find in any country nearby-in
this
respect Nepal will resemble the Netherlands more than its
neighbor China.
And Pant is poised to take full advantage of this new state
of affairs. He has started an LGBT~focused tourism company,
Pink Mountain, and has the country's Ministry of Tourism
squarely behind him, although he urges that they still must
do more.
The Ministry of Tourism is planning a concerted outreach
to LGBT consumers as part of its Nepal Tourism Year 2011
campaign-the
goal is to more than double Nepal's yearly
visitors, from 400,000 to 1,000,000 people-and
Pant
himself has been traveling abroad to gay travel conventions,
spreading the word on Nepal and even envisioning the prospect
of same~sex marriages at Everest Base Camp.
Pant is careful to note that gay and lesbian visitors won't
find many gay bars or gayborhoods in Nepal. However, he
hopes that what it lacks in a scene Nepal will make up for
in something more meaningful: Its natural beauty and its
friendly, spiritual people have been attracting the backpacker
set since the 1960s and mountain adventurers since the days
of Sir Edmund Hillary. In fact, Hillary came to love Nepal so
much after his Everest ascent that he returned to found many
schools in the countryside.
But about those Base Camp marriages at nearly 20,000
feet-they're probably not for everyone. No one in our triad
has escaped a bout of altitude sickness by the time we finally
drag ourselves into Base Camp ( although our guides and
porters seem fine). While the ill effects wane with time, and
doses of Diamox, a drug that increases the oxygen in your
blood, helps speed things up.
"It's worth the vomit;' declares Jen.
Still, a nice day trip from Kathmandu, 7,000 feet closer
to sea level, is what I might wind up recommending for your
wedding party. ■
For Trans Travelers
While cisgendered travelers have plenty to protest with the
routine use of full-body scanners and invasive pat-down
procedures at airports, for trans folks things can be even
more complicated. Which is why the National Center for
Transgender Equality is reaching out to encourage trans
travelers to know their rights before booking that next flight:
0 Even if Transportation
Security Administration
personnel are not familiar with
travelers' rights, such as the
right to decline a full-body
scan, you should know them.
Politely and calmly inform
the officer of your rights and
choices. This may help you
get through the checkpoint
more quickly.
8 Full-body scanning reveals
an image of your unclothed
body. You have the right to
choose not to be scanned but
declining will mean a full-body
pat-down. This involves TSA
officers using their palms and
fingers to touch underneath
and between breasts, inside
thighs, in the groin area and
buttocks. Decide which proce-
68
I curve
dure feels least uncomfortable
and less unsafe for you.
You have the right to choose
whether a pat-down is conducted in the public screening
area or in a private area, and,
if in a private area, whether to
be accompanied by a travel
companion.
@
0 You have the right to have
manual search procedures
performed by an officer of the
same gender as the gender
you present yourself as. This
does not depend on the gender
listed on your ID, or on any
other factor. If TSA officials
are unsure who should pat
you down, ask to speak to a
supervisor and calmly insist
on the appropriate officer.
1'.5
~
§
~
cf
~
ffi
0 You should not be subjected
to additional screening or inquiry
because of any discrepancy
between a gender marker on an
ID and your appearance. As long
as your ID has a recognizable
picture of you, with your legal
name and birth date, it should not
cause any problem.
0 If you are carrying medically
prescribed items, such as syringes
for hormone injections or vaginal
dilators, it is helpful to have proof
of their medical necessity. Ask
your doctor for a letter verifying
the prescription or keep medical
devices in their pharmacy
packaging with prescription label.
0 Binding, packing or prosthetic
devices may show up as unknown
images on a body scan or pat-down,
which may lead TSA personnel
to do additional screening. Be
prepared to give a brief description
of items or check them in your
luggage so that you can minimize
scrutiny and delays.
0 If you encounter any issues,
politely ask to speak to a supervisor immediately. Do not raise
your voice or threaten TSA staff;
this could cause delays or lead
to criminal charges. You have the
right to file a complaint about an
incident with the OHS Office for
Civil Rights and Civil Liberties. The
NCTE encourages you to do this
as soon as possible and to inform
them of the complaint. ■
8 Liquid, gel or powder
substances will trigger additional
security screenings and therefore
we strongly recommend that
youpacktheseinyourchecked
luggage or leave them at home.
Yo(,,{/~~ve.,
t~~l/Cj~tto
c~oo~e.,tvot to
~e.,~Uvlt,tt,e.,J
~ t,,(/t
Je.,c(l/l'L,l/l'L,CJ
wdt
m~tv~~uit
~otf~ r~t tfowtv.
For more information visit the
National Center for Transgender
Equality. (transequality.org)
westhollywood
EXPLORE
WEST
HOLLYWOOD,
CALIFORNIA-AND
PLAY
WITH
THEIN-CROWD.
FROM
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HOTTEST
NIGHTSPOTS
TOTHE
TRENDIEST
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DISCOVER
WHY
WEST
HOLLYWOOD
ISONE
OFTHE
WORLD'S
LEADING
LGBT
DESTINATIONS.
LEARN
MORE
ATGOGAYWESTHOLLYWOOD.COM
January/February
2011
I 69
MARDIGRASHIGHLIGHTS
Every year, in one of the world's largest celebrations of Gay Pride,
more than 10,000 LGBT folks flock to the streets of Sydney,
Australia, to march with pride at the Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras. This
year, curve wants you to become a part of this glittering event, as
we launch the first all-American lesbian float in this internationally
renowned Pride extravaganza.
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ydney's first Mardi Gras was
held on June 24, 1978, as one
of a series of events organized
to support International Gay
Solidarity-a grassroots movement
that grew out of the Stonewall riots nine years
earlier in New York City. It was also staged to
coincide with the appearance in Australia of
Mary Whitehouse, a homophobic bastion of
the Christian right. LGBT women and men,
and their straight allies, braved the winter
cold to gather at Taylor Square and march
down Oxford Street (Sydney's gay golden
mile), but what began as a low~key show of
solidarity took a nasty turn when the marchers
stopped at Hyde Park to read out telegrams
of support-whereupon
police tried to break
up the march and confiscate the lead float.
As marchers moved up Darlinghurst Road,
more police moved in, billy dubs in hand.
The result was a violent dash that saw 53
men and women arrested.
Over the months that followed, more pro~
tests and arrests took place until, in 1979, the
New South Wales Parliament repealed the
NSW Summary Offences Act, the law that
had made the arrests possible-and
a new
era in Australian civil liberties was born.
Now, more than 30 years later, the Sydney
Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras has grown to
be one of the largest annual Pride events in
the world. Held during February and March,
to take advantage of Australia's more temperate
summer weather, it encompasses a three~
week arts festival, a fair day that attracts some
70,000 LGBT visitors, as well as a massive
parade with dose to a million spectators
lining the city streets and 10,000 partici~
pants marching-many
in full costume.
Conde Nast named Sydney's Mardi Gras
one of the world's Top 10 costume parades,
while PlanetOut named it the best gay event
in the world. And this year's festivities promise
to be a particularly spectacular affair, with
Ignatius Jones-an
event director for the
Sydney 2000 Olympics Closing Ceremony,
the Opening Ceremony of Shanghai World
Expo 2010, and the Vancouver Winter
Olympics 2010-on board as the art director.
If ever there was a year to head Down Under
to declare your Pride, it's 2011. So, why not
be a part of it? ■
CURVE
WANTS~ 0
u,!
Be there on March 5, 2011, when
Sydney rolls out the pink carpet
and curve launches the first
all-American girl float. Dress up,
represent your country in the land
Down Under, and make history
at Sydney's Mardi Gras. Visit
curvemag.com/mardigras to find
out how you can become a part of
this spectacular event.
broughttogetherfor a
TongueTwister
seriesof talks about
The best all-girl
party in the Mardi
LGBTculture.
(mardigras.org.au)
Grasseason.Party
with morethan 1,000
PinkStiletto
gorgeousAussie
girls and the counTheracesgo gayfor
the daywhen Mardi
try's hottest DJs.
Grastakes over
The ArthouseHotel,
RandwickRacecourse
Feb.26, 2011.
(tonguetwister.net.au) to raise moneyfor
the BobbyGoldsmith
Foundation(a leading
FairDay
charity in the fight
Everyyear,70,000
againstHIV/AIDS).
peopleland at
(mardigras.org.au)
Victoria Parkfor the
world's gayestpicnic.
Dragshows,the
BeachRaces
famous Doggywood, Aussiedrag kings
and queenstake to
children'sareas,
the surf and sandat
two stagesof live
iconic BondiBeach
entertainment,
as they battle it
and amazing
out for the crown.
internationalfood
(mardigras.org.au)
stalls makeFair Day
a must-doevent.
VIPTravelPackage
(mardigras.org.au)
HautesVacanceshas
exclusiveboutique
PoolParty
hotel accommodaGetwet and wild in
the Ivy Bar's rooftop
tion and VIPaccess
to the Mardi Gras
pool.At the Mardi
GrasPoolParty,
parties and recovery
events.It's the only
you can relax with
travel company
a cocktail, go for
an eveningswim,
worldwideto offer a
loungewith Sydney's privateviewingof the
sexiest people
Mardi GrasParade
on OxfordStreet
poolside,or simply
(participationin the
danceall night long!
Paradeis optional),
(mardigras.org.au)
and exclusivetours of
the city, its nightlife,
QueerThinking
BondiBeach,and
Seethe world's
the Blue Mountains.
leadingqueer
Party Mardi in style.
thinkers,academics,
(hautesvacances.com)
andarts figures,
January/February
2011
I 71
REVIEWSMusic Watch
New SQins
Fresh takes on old faves make for sweet music. By Rachel Shatto
It's always great to find a new song that
speaks to you, but there's nothing quite
like singing along with a favorite tune. This
month is all about revisiting old favoriteswith a fresh twist.
"While My Guitar Gently Weeps;' plus the
rockabilly swinging "Yo Oigo;' a brand new
track. And always front and center is vocalist
Nina Diaz's breathy, smoky, sometimes ethe~
real voice, which conjures Siouxsie Sioux with
a hint of Patsy Cline. Don't wait to check out
Adventuresin Cover/and,Girl in a Coma Girl in Coma like I did, because Coverland
(BlackheartRecords):
I was late to the game is an auditory adventure well worth taking.
with Girl in a Coma, an all~female, mostly (girlinacoma.com)
queer band, but it was well worth the wait.
Their latest release, Adventures in Coverland, GreatestHits... SoFar!!!,Pink(SonyMusic):It's
is a compilation of covers from a diverse nearly impossible to feel unhappy listening
number of source materials, from The to Pink, the pop star who has made musical
Beatles, to Pasty Cline to Selena. While cover gold out of anthems for outsiders, tomboys
albums rarely do justice to the original tracks, and queers. She has spent the last decade
Adventures gleefully bucks this trend with an creating booty~shaking singles that exem~
album packed from start to finish with catchy, plify "club hit" but still manage to espouse
oh~so~memorable tunes that effortlessly blend subversive feminist messages-wrapped
in
the familiarity of favorite hits with a new, deceptively mainstream pop packages. In
addition to classics like the prissy~girl send~up
uniquely melodic GIAC twist. Highlights
include covers of David Bowie's Labyrinth hit "Stupid Girls" and her call to dance floor
"As the World Falls Down" and The Beatles' action in "Get This Party Started;' the album
721curve
features her latest single, "Raise Your Glass;'
a fist~shaking celebration of embracing your
misfit status. For anyone who lived through
the '00s this album is a welcome, nostalgic
tour of nights out at the club with girlfriends
who, if they were anything like mine, knew
every word to "Trouble:' Greatest Hits is a
well~deservedcelebration of a brilliant career...
so far. (pinkspage.com)
AmandaPalmerPerformsThePopularHits Of
RadioheadOn Her Magical Ukulele,Amanda
Palmer(8ft records):The always delightfully
weird and musically audacious Amanda
Palmer continues to surprise and delight with
her latest offering, a seven~track set of her
acoustic reinterpretations of six Radiohead
songs-on the ukulele. The album was born
of a vision Palmer had of playing "Creep" on
the ukulele while standing on the bar in a
Middle Eastern club. After which, on a whim,
she bought the instrument and discovered a
new, unexpected passion for it. The result is an
intimate, alternately sweet and abrasive, album
that's as unique and endearing as its maker.
The standout track, "High and Dry;' pairs
Palmer's ukulele stylings with piano backing.
The sparseness of instrumentation lends each
song a sense of immediacy and proximityit's the closest thing to a one-on-one jam session with Palmer. Available digitally and on a
limited edition vinyl release only, this album
is a treat for Palmer fans and experimental
music alike. (amandapalmer.net)■
Q+A
Kate Cooper
As one-half of the Australian duo An Horse,
Kate Cooper is in a particularly sweet position. Having made a successful EP, Not Really
Scared,and an LP, RearrangeBeds, having
gone on tour with indie icons Tegan and
Sara, and now, with a new album produced
by the heralded Howard Redekopp in the
works, An Horse is poised to take its career
to the next level. If the always humble
Cooper, can get over the fact that people
actually do love her music, that is. More
interested in reading in bed than in partying
after shows, Cooper is not what you'd expect
from a successful young musician on the
rise-and she likes it that way.
Howdidyougetstartedplaying
music?
My dad had a vinyl collection that I learned
a lot about music from. He took me to the
Rolling Stones when I was 16 and after that
I talked my dad into getting me an electric
guitar. I'm pretty sure I was 19 before I
could play anything remotely interesting.
True Colors
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Wehaveto admit,we were
worriedwhenwe heardthe
film adaptationfor theTonynominatedplayForColored
GirlsWhoHaveConsidered
SuicideWhentheRainbow
Is Enufwasin the handsof
TylerPerry,a filmmakermore
knownfor stereotyping
his
femalecharactersthanfor his
explorationof femaleidentity.
Whatwas his planfor this
belovedfeminist1970splay?
EvenpoetandColoredGirls
playwrightNtozakeShange
expressed
concernabout
Perry's"characterizations
of
womenas plastic."
Turnsout,muchto the relief
of fansof the sourcematerial,
Perry,for the mostpart,pulled
it off. Hegaveaudiencesa
darkfilm with toughstorylines,
brilliantlyperformedby a bevy
of talentedactors.Perry's
workcanbe melodramatic
to a
fault,andit seemsthat where
hetonedit downin the film
he channeled
that senseof
dramaintothe soundtrack.
And
we'regladhe did.It's a solid
compilationof femaleartists
includingMacyGray(whoplays
a back-alleyabortionistin the
film),GladysKnight,Estelle,
SharonJonesandthe Dap
Kingsandothers.
Manyof the songsonthe
soundtrack
tell storiesof
struggleandhelpto supportthe
personalconflictsof thefilm,
whichincluderape,abandonment,loveandinfidelity.The
darkertracksarebalanced
wellwithjazzycutslike"All
DayLong(BlueSkies)"by
Estelleandthe upbeat"Without
a Fight"by up-and-coming
lesbianfave,JanelleMonae.
Thesoundtrackpaystribute
to the originalplay'slyrical
form,includinga trackof the
castperformingpoetryfragments.Includedin the mix
areWhoopiGoldberg,
Janet
JacksonandLorettaDivine.
A standouttrackonthe
albumis NinaSimone's"Four
Women"whichexplores
stereotypes
of AfricanAmerican
women.Thesongwasmisunderstoodby somewho,whenit
wasreleasedin 1966,thought
it racistandwasinitially
banned.Now,this powerful
bluespiecehasbeenrecreated
andfeaturesbothNinaSimone
andherdaughter.
If thefilm is aboutstruggle,
the soundtrackis abouttranscendence.
[JillianEugenios]
Whatinspires
you?
I draw inspiration from everyone and
everything around me. Most normal
people have a diary and get it out that
way. I have to write about it and sing
it and project it to the world, when I
should probably just keep a diary and it'd
be better for everyone. I think I write to
keep my demons at bay.
Rearrange
Bedsseemsto havean undercurrentof romanticyearning.
Wasthat
intentional?
I guess historically people sing about
relationships. I think maybe we write
about love because we can't speak about
it clearly, so we sing about it. I write
about what's going on around me, and
those things are mostly relationships.
I think people often assume what my
songs are about. I've always sort of resisted
putting my lyrics up because I want
people to figure it out for themselves, and
often it will be different to them than it is
to me. And I like that.
Doyoufeelthatyoursexuality
playsany
sortof rolein whoyouareas an artistand
a publicfigure?
I just am who I am. I know that
sometimes it plays more into people's
personas, but it never has for me. I was
really lucky in my upbringing in that
it was completely acceptable to be a
huge homosexual. I feel really blessed
because there are definitely people who
have had a much harder deal with it. It
seems better though in general for kids
these days, which is great. It seems like
a more welcoming environment than it
did before. But, then again, you see the
story about the girl getting in trouble
for wanting to bring her girlfriend to
the prom and realize that there's still a
long way to go. ( anhorse.com)
[JanelleSorenson]
January/February
2011
I 73
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Bod and Soul
Researchers get serious about lesbian well-being.
By Rachel Pepper
Lesbian
Gay
It's time to get serious about lesbian
health-from
head to toe.
lesbian Health 101:A Clinician'sGuide,
EditedbySuzanneL. DibbleandPatriciaA.
Robertson
(UCSFNursingPress}:Despite
our country's growing preoccupation with
health care, surprisingly little has been
written on lesbian health. The recent publication of
Lesbian Health 101: A Clinician'sGuide should help
fill the gap. The editors, founding co-directors of the
Traveling
Blind:Adventures
Lesbian Health & Research Center at UCSF, offer
in Visionwitha GuideDog
a "synthesis of the latest information from lesbian
byMy Side,SusanKrieger
(PurdueUniversity
Press}: researchers and clinicians about all aspects of women's
health:' The chapters 'Tm So Sad, Just Let Me Be"
Boththe caninecompanyof
Teelaandthe lovingpresence and "Where Are These Voices Coming From" are
of authorSusanKrieger's among the best in pointing out the ways in which
partnerHannahaddan
lesbians require culturally appropriate care for mental
endearingelementto a story
health issues. Although aimed primarily at clinicians,
of resiliencein thefaceof
this book is gives decent overview of a spectrum of
disability.Krieger'saccount health-related issues, including domestic violence,
is multifaceted,
personal pregnancy, osteoporosis, urinary incontinence, cancer,
andreflective,yet at the
and ageing. Snappy chapter titles include "She Didn't
sametime descriptiveof her
Mean to Hit Me;' "I Ruined My Knees Playing
surroundings-mountains,
Softball;' and "What's That Bump Down There?" The
desertsandthe vastoutdoors
chapters
are short, so this book will not suffice for
aswell asthe geography
of
anyone
looking
for in-depth information; however,
herinnerworld.Relyingon
each
chapter
includes
a resource section listing other
tactilecuesandconstantly
books
and
organizations
that readers may find useful.
modifyingherperception
Hopefully, this book will find a home on the shelves
of the worldin linewith her
deteriorating
vision,Krieger of practitioners everywhere, leading to better cultural
hoversbetweenfunctionality competency in the treatment of lesbians, no matter
andincapacitation-anebu- what their health concerns.
lousplacethat societycannot
cleanlycategorize.Traveling
Blindis an eloquentaccount
of herresponse
to this
IrisLujan,whohasbeena supermodel
societaltreatment,learning
all heradultlife,is feelingburnedout
to workwith a guidedogand
anddemeaned
by herprofession
so
ultimatelyherjourneyto find
sheseeksrefugeat hermanager's
newwaysof seeing.
housefor a littleR&R.Thereshemeets
(thepress.purdue.
edu)
Torien,the manager's
gardener,
and
theycautiously
getto knoweachother
[EleniStephanides]
Under
byworkingsidebysidein thegarden.
HerSkin
Thetwo discoveran undeniable
sexual
LeaSantos
attraction.
It is the perfectromance
to
(BoldStrokes
dropintothesuitcaseor handbag
for a
Books}
longweekend.(boldstrokesbooks)
74
I curve
lesbian, Gay,Bisexual,Trans
and Queer Psychology:An
Introduction,Victoria Clarke,
SonjaJ. Ellis,Elizabeth
Peel,and
DamienW. Riggs(Cambridge
UniversityPress}:This is not
the first LGBT psychology
book ever published. However, it is the
most up-to-date, and is a good primer for those
seeking an overview of our community's unique
mental health concerns. The authors are researchers
and psychologists from the U.K. and Australia.
Well-versed in U.S. research, they also incorporate
a wider range of perspectives. Beginning with
the premise that LGBT people should be "given
the consideration that is often missing within
mainstream psychology;' the book clearly defines
the relationship between LGBT psychology and
feminism, queer theory, critical psychology and
positive social change, then discusses the effects of
prejudice and discrimination on our community's
mental health. Sidebars highlight empirical studies
and key researchers working in the field. The book is
bi- and trans-inclusive; and chapters such as "Young
People, Coming Out and Identity Development;'
"Parenting and Family;' and 'J\geing and Old Age"
cover the LGBT lifespan. The authors conclude with
their vision of the future for LGBT psychologyspecifically discussing new approaches to clinical,
educational, health, recreational, and family psychologies, as well as challenging the established
psychological "norms" of white, male-dominated
language and research methods. ■
Trans&
Queer
Psychology
'""""-'<..1aob.~J•Tu<.
f..kaMhlwl.DalN<ftl'.:,..,,.
TwentyFourDays
JanetAlbert
(Yellow
RoseBooks}
Dr.MirandaRossjoinsa 24-day
Mediterranean
cruiseasthetemporaryship'sdoctor.Thereshemeets
FitnessDirectorJamieJeffriesand
immediately
dislikesher,thinking
sheis narcissistic
anda flirt, butthen
hasa shipboard
relationship
withher
anyway.Mirandahasalreadymoved
onwith herlifewhensherealizesthat
Jamie'sbadreputation
is unfounded.
Thisstraightforward,
sweetromance
evolvesslowly.(regalcrest.biz)
Black, Gifted and Gay
A new book celebrates the achievements of LGBT African Americans.
<(
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The African American
experience is
often lost in the
conversation about
what it means to
be queer in today's
culture. And being
gay is often lost in the
conversation of what
it means to be African
American. Thankfully,
a new book profiling
the lives and
accomplishments of 20 living icons of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and
transgender community-who happen to be of African descent-will
help to bridge that gap.
Black, Gifted and Gay is the project of media pioneer Leyla Farah
(with assistance from prolific LGBT celebrity reporter Sarah Toce). It
shines a spotlight on artists, entertainers, thinkers and political leaders
who remind us that our community is enriched by the many strengths
of its people, and is still largely unsung for its struggles.
Originally inspired by Lorraine Hansberry's book To Be Young, Gifted
and Black and the poem "I Dream A World" by Langston Hughes, this
groundbreaking tome of African American portraiture highlights 20
icons who've had the courage to publicly claim their place in the LGBT
community as they become well-known figures in the mainstream
culture.
Take, for instance, the openly gay, multitalented 30-year-old from
Baltimore, Md., Felicia "Snoop" Pearson. She is a true example of what
can happen when you work hard to make your life better- regardless
of the circumstances of your birth. Born underweight, at a mere 3
pounds, not expected to live, and with
drug-addicted, incarcerated parents,
Pearson grew up in foster care,
became a drug dealer, and at age
14, was convicted of second-degree
murder. And yet she went on to have
careers in music and acting and wrote
a best-selling memoir, Grace After
Midnight. She is now completing her
second book.
Other high profile subjects include
superstar comedian Wanda Sykes;
professional basketball legend Sheryl
Swoopes; author, journalist and public speaker Linda Villarosa; and
E. Denise Simmons, the former mayor of Cambridge, Mass., who
now serves on the Cambridge City Council. February is Black History
Month, and such a celebration of the LGBT African diaspora is very
welcome indeed. (blackgiftedandgay.com) [MerrynJohns]
2010STATEMENT
OFOWNERSHIP
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Ste.510,SanFrancisco,
CA94103-4856.
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January/February
2011
I 75
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
SQies,Lies and Latex
These genre-spanning flicks are sure to satisfy. By Rachel Shatto
rr::::l
ElenaUndone
(WolfeVideo) ~
Elena(NecarZadegan),
the unhappywifeof a
conservative
pastor,forms
a friendshipwith out
lesbianauthorPeyton(Traci
Dinwiddie).
Soonthetwo
findthemselves
powerfully
andpassionately
drawn
togetherin this politically
chargedlovestory.Strongly
sentimental,
Elenais heavy
onthe melodrama-and
steamylovescenes.Plus,it
featuresthe longestkisson
film.(wolfevideo.com)
It's all about bad girls kicking butt this month. From
an explosive action flick to a passionate kink~fest, for
the ladies who let their cinematic freak flag fly-and
both with the queer twist we crave.
Salt (Sony Pictures): Everyone's favorite A~List
bisexual helms this Cold WaMhrowback actioner.
Angelina Jolie plays CIA agent Evelyn Salt, who is
forced to go on the run when a defector implicates
her as a Russian sleeper agent. There's hardly any~
thing sexier than Jolie in the role of a badass action
star (well, aside from Jolie ravishing a female co~star)
and in Salt we get to see her in her element-building
bombs out of office supplies and outfoxing the Secret
Service. Jolie deftly handles the material, which is
strongly reminiscent of '80s action films, and proves
once again that she thrives in roles
typically considered for male actors.
In this case, Salt was originally con~
ceived as a vehicle for Tom Cruise,
but was reimagined when he dropped
out and Jolie stepped in. With this
role Jolie continues to carve out and
define the image of the female action
hero, infusing Salt with equal parts
bravado and vulnerability-and we're
76
I curve
loving it. Packed with plot twists, nail~biting suspense,
and thrilling action sequences, Salt is a treat for fans
of the butchest genre. (sonypictures.com)
My Normal(Wolfe):Natalie, a sexy young lesbian
(played by the fiery~haired stunner Nicole Laliberte),
is struggling to balance her screenwriting aspirations,
a new relationship, and her career as an in~demand
dominatrix. This ribald dramedy boasts plenty of
lezzie lust, cheeky humor and more latex than you
can shake a leather riding crop at. The film, while
light on actual plot, is carried by Laliberte, whose
charisma leaps off the screen-perfectly embodying
the cocky, confident Natalie, who, despite her uncon~
ventional career path, never feels ashamed of the life
she has chosen. While the film is far from explicit,
there is an ever~present aura of
fetish imbuing every frame-in
no small part due to the pres~
ence of the real~life dominatrix
who was on set to keep the
kink factor legit. Ultimately, My
Normal is a naughtily charming
tale about being true to yourself,
no matter what your normal is.
(wolfereleasing.com)
■
Machete
(20thCenturyFox)
Betrayed,
double-crossed
andleftfor dead,ex-Federale
Machete
findshimself
caughtup in political
intriguewhileon hisquest
for revenge.
Gruesome,
unexpectedly
cleverand
witha castfeaturinga
lethalMichelleRodriguez
(in
leather),
JessicaAlbakicking
assanda rarelyclothed
LindsayLohan,it's a queer
girl's '70sexploitationstyleddelight.
(foxconnect.
com)
[RachelShatto]
Q+A
Zypher Williams
Filmmaker Zypher Williams is making
a name for herself with her latest project,
Honey Child (honeychild.tv), a new reality
TV show that she hopes will silence the
grumbling about the lack of diversity on
The Real L Word by documenting lesbians
from all walks of life, especially outside of
West Hollywood.
Whatwastheimpetusfor HoneyChild?
Honey Child originally started as a
response to a level of discontent among
some African American women that
Showtime's L Word spin-off, The Real L
Word, featured no black cast members.
I hadn't noticed, until visiting certain
social networking sites and hearing from
various friends, who said they refused to
watch since the show didn't reflect them
personally. Honestly, I was just glad to
see more lesbian fare from Ilene Chaiken.
But after I started urging people to go
out and document their own stories, if
they wanted to see themselves reflected
in the media-since equipment is
cheap nowadays and the Internet allows
everyone to broadcast-I
suddenly
realized that the person I was urging to go
out and shoot stories was mysel£
Tellusmoreaboutthename"HoneyChild."
I thought it was a catchy, retro-funky
name that matches the '60s, change-theworld, free-love feel of the show. And who
isn't addicted to the taste of honey?
Yourshowaimsto coverthespectrum
of
multicultural
lesbianlife,Wasthattoolarge
a goal?
Well, originally, the idea was to cover
just one city, to show real black lesbian
life in L.A., where I live. But I was using
Facebook a lot at the time, which sort
of allows a worldwide circle of friends.
That's the thing about lesbian life-there
are no boundaries. Our stories are plenty
diverse ... we can now take the opportunity
to branch out to reflect more of the
peripheral stories about people who are
often otherwise neglected.
Afteranextensive
casting
call,youchosenine
women.Howdidyoudecidewhoto cast?
Well, I wanted to make sure the cast
was diverse enough to attract
a diverse audience. I hoped
for a range of ages, races, sexual
preferences, locales, socioeconomic
backgrounds, and life challenges. And,
thankfully, all those types rolled in.
Youoriginally
wantedto focusonAfrican
American
lesbians.
Whydidyoudeviate?
Well, I was helped with that decision, since
I was already creatively wed to the original
concept by friends and e-friends who
mentioned it was one-sided to just show
one racial point of view. And I'm the kind
of person who, once shown a higher point
of view, will evolve. But I think everything
happened as it should.
If I hadn't specifically
called for black lesbians,
I might not have received
as many responses from
black women.
Haveyoufounda homefortheshowyet?
We haven't, as of yet. We're actually waiting
to approach the networks until the project
has snowballed to the point where it's hard
to miss. But I'd like to see the show end up
on a mainstream outlet. I think that would
represent a step forward in advancing
hearts and minds is the show's raison d'etre.
[KristinSmith]
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Appointments in Australia at:
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OR by telephone and email.
January/February
2011
I 77
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
Birdsof Prey
Black Swan is scary, sexy but not so Sapphic. By Jillian Eugenics
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis sharing a
sex scene! As rival ballerinas! I think all our
hearts beat a little faster when that news hit.
Visions of Save the Last Dance meets Bound
filled our heads with lusty anticipation. Well,
the good news is Portman's turn as lesbian~
dabbling dancer is exquisite. But, now, the
bad news-Black Swan is not a lesbian film.
Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler, Requiem
for a Dream) has given us a daring psycho~
logical thriller that skirts into horror territory,
mixing the terror of a crumbling mind a la
Roman Polanski's Repulsion and its physical
manifestations on the body, which present
themselves in the freakish evolution of the
flesh, reminiscent of the body horror exem~
plified by David Cronenberg. The story follows
Nina Sayers (Portman), a professional ballerina
who is obsessed with perfection and fulfilling
the lead role of the Swan Queen in her
company's production of Swan Lake.
Swan Lake is about an evil sorcerer who
controls two women who are swans by day
and women by night. The white swan is
pure and fragile, while the black swan is evil
and seductive. The ballet director, Thomas
(Vincent Cassel), casts Nina as the Swan
Queen-only
to tell her she isn't seductive
or sexy enough to play both swans because
her dancing is too technical. In dialogue
that foreshadows the excess to come he tells
78
I curve
Nina to "Go home and touch yoursel£ Live
a little:'
Kunis portrays sexy rival dancer Lily. Self
assured, relaxed and confident, Lily is a less
technical dancer who makes up for it with her
raw sexual energy. She is the embodiment of
the Black Swan, representing the Swan Queen's
desire, lust and freedom-attributes
Nina
lacks. Nina becomes convinced this dancing
rogue from San Francisco is there to destroy
her and take her role as the Swan Queen.
Nina becomes steadily more obsessed and
resentful of Lily and, like Nina, the audience
is unsure and suspicious of Lily's motivations.
Is she trying to steal her role or her heart?
Both? Neither? We're kept guessing. The only
thing certain is the crackling chemistry
building between them.
The other woman in Nina's life is her
mother (Barbara Hershey), who is a former
ballerina hersel£ Starched and thin, Nina's
infantilizing mother is unsettling and emo~
tionally abusive, calling Nina her sweet girl
while feeding her half a grapefruit, clipping
her nails and winding her music box before
she goes to sleep at night.
As Nina becomes more involved in her
role, reality begins to come apart at the
seams. Nina thinks she is being followed.
Aronofsky's use of a shaky hand~held camera
and a grimy New York location collides with
Nina's hallucinations and paranoia. Portman
conveys her growing hysteria in the tenseness
in her neck and subtle emotions that scuttle
across her face-it's a singular performance.
Where the film stumbles is its third act's
descent into horror. The subtle, haunting
curiosities of Nina's hallucinations balloon
into preposterous absurdity. It's a jarring and
unwelcome departure from the groundwork
of the first two acts.
But perhaps most disappointing of all is
the eagerly anticipated lesbian storyline. Nina
is as infatuated with Lily as she is threatened
by her. This infatuation culminates in the
much~hyped lesbian sex scene. While the
two admittedly sizzle on screen, the scene
is an extension of Nina's exploration with
her darker side. It's a destructive exploration
rather than a connection with Lily and feels
more like narcissism than lesbianism. It also
disappointingly harks back to the antiquated
cinematic cliche that lesbian sexuality is the
path to destruction and tragedy.
As a thriller the film succeeds, keeping us
guessing, anchored and interested. The close
shots and exaggerated breathing sounds lend
the film a visceral appeal and the tension
remains palpable throughout its running
time. It's a beautifully made and acted film,
but don't see it if what you're looking for a
lesbian story-it just isn't there. ■
w
~
ffi
~
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Tech Girl REVIEWS
Titillating
Technology
Gadgets to put your libido in gear. By Rachel Shatto
As every tech-savvy dyke knows there is a
gadget for everything today. From reading
books to vacuuming your house there is a
gizmo there, ready to do it for you or enhance
your experience. With that in mind we take a
look at nine gadgets to set the mood, enhance
your pleasure or generally help you get your
groove on.
4. Lighther Fire:Corny? OK yeah, we admit
it is a bit, but hey sometimes you want to
ravish your lady in front of the fireplace and
not everyone is able to enjoy a built in roaring
fire. Which is where the Heat Surge Roll-nGlow electric Fireplace comes in. Plus, who
doesn't enjoy fine Amish craftsmanship, am
I right? (heatsurge.com)
1.GoodVibrations:
Bring the naughtily clandestine appeal of illicit motel room romps home
with the Magic Fingers home kit. What it
lacks in visual appeal it makes up for in sheer
vibrating goodness. Fire it up and say,"hello
lover" to your lady. (magic.fingers.com)
5. App-solutely
Sexy:Turns out that smart
phone of yours isn't only good for booty
calls, with literally dozens of sexy lesbianthemed apps available-featuring everything
from the Sapphic Kama Surra to
lesbian-themed digital love dice.
You can easily turn your phone
into to a veritable love machine.
2. Candlelight2.0: Romance is never more,
well, romantic than when it's by sultry candlelight but when you're working with open
flames you're just begging to get burned.
LED candles like these from Frost Fire,
which come complete with a remote and are
available in a variety of colors, will let you
light her fire, without the risk of setting her
ablaze. (frosifireusa.com)
3. MoodLighting:
Does teal titillate? Does azure
arouse? Does hazel make her ... uh, happy? Set
the tone with Philips LivingColors Changing
LED Lamp. This sexy little lighting system
boasts four LED lights which when used
together can create a whopping 16 million
color combinations! So, go ahead and turn on
the red light, Roxanne. (usa.philips.com)
8
~
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(apple.com/itunes)
6. Smart Vibe: The SaSi vibrator
from Je Joue has been hailed as the
iPhone of sex toys and the most technologically advanced vibrator on the market-not
to mention, it's adorable. But what makes
this vibe so tech savvy? It's programmed with
"sensual intelligence;' which means it remembers what you like best. An over-achieving
vibrator? Um, yes please. 0ejoue.com)
7. Romanceon the Rocks:With the Ravi
Instant Wine Chiller you can be the suave
sommelier at a moment's notice. The stainless steel cylinder (which is stored in your
freezer) attaches to the end of a bottle and
instantly chills the wine when it's poured
through it. Which means, when you finally
get her home, you can turn the luke-warm
bottle ofT wo Buck Chuck (or favorite
liquor) that you've got lying around,
into a glass of chilled, sophisticated
seduction. (ravisolution.com)
JIMMYJANE
8. Virtual Minty Freshness:Say
goodbye to low -tech, unreliable
hand-blowing breath checking.
New from Fitscan is the Breath
Checker, a palm-size monitor
that detects and measures breath
odors. So before you move in for
that first kiss you better check
yourself, because no one wants to
smooch a yuck-mouth. ( tanita.com)
0
Level
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n
0
:,
9. PowerTool:Jimmy Jane's Form 2
may look like a little bunny rabbit,
but don't let its cutesy appearance
confuse you-this
vibe means
business. Featuring two motors this
AVN "O" Award-winner
(for outstanding
innovation) offers double the
stimulation or, as folks
at JimmyJane call it,
"Sensation in Stereo" and
that sounds like music
to our ears. Rechargeable
and fully water-proof it's
a gadget-lover's dream.
(jimmyjane.com)■
January/February
2011
I 79
TOPTENREASONS
WELOVE
...
Hannah D.
Forman
Why this zinester and Women
in Horror Month founder gets
our feminist hearts pounding.
By Rachel Shatto
When I met Hannah D. Forman (aka Hannah Neurotica) a year ago,
buzz was building among my fellow female horror bloggers that one
of our own was organizing a celebration of the unsung women of
horror. Those whispers quickly became Women in Horror Month, a
groundswell that swept across genre podcasts, biogs and news sites.
With WiHM upon us again, Forman-creator of the feminist horror
zine Ax Wound and Shitfucked: A Vile Love Story, a lesbian-themed
horror film that will likely peg her as John Waters' heir apparentreminds us why we can't get enough of her. (hannahneurotica.com)
1. She'sa proudpansexual.
"I don't hide any~
thing about my sexuality-to
a point that
might make others uncomfortable because
they are not comfortable with their own
sexuality. My art will always be about sex.
And in my art and everyday life I am very
open about my sexual identity. Shame gets
us nowhere:'
2. She'skeepingRiotGrrlalive."Ax Wound:
Gender & The Horror Genre is a cut~and~
paste, old~school DIY paper zinc ... [It's] very
much a collage of academic work, nonacademic
work, and personal stories by feminists who
love horror. Before Ax Wound, there was no
publication and I wanted so badly to talk to
other women about this subject. I was like,
Fine, if the world isn't going to pay attention to
women who enjoy horror then I will have to
carve this space out and get the party started:'
"I'm not looking to overthrow the government or
anything. Just help create
a world that doesn't hate
girls and women."
so I curve
6. She's outspokenabout body diversity.
"People are not allowed to look human
anymore. And it's only getting worse. We
don't value anyone who falls outside what
is deemed acceptable. It's scary... especially
when we don't teach media literacy and how
to handle the influx of images now. Body
image in film and media is a war zone:'
7. She'sa feministwitha capitalF."It kills me
that ['feminism' to some is a] bad word ... I
try so hard to fight that F~word bullshit. If
you believe in equality for women you are a
feminist. Young women should embrace the
term. Because their 'rights' can be taken away
at any time:'
8. She'sa passionate
advocatefor women's
reproductive
rights."!worked for a women's
health clinic that provides abortions and have
been subject to a lot of hate and abuse from
3. She'staking her messageto the digital protestors. It's just so hard for women to get
masses.
''Ax Wound Radio is an extension of
health care without abuse and constant fear
the zinc. One of my goals is to bring over~ of lost funding:'
looked groups in horror to the forefront. Us
9. She'san artist."I don't want other girls to
women, queers and people of color:'
grow up thinking they are not creative when
4. She's subversive.'Tm not looking to they really just need to find their voice and
overthrow the government or anything. Just
their own medium. Just like sexuality, you
help create a world that doesn't hate girls and
can be fluid, in between. Find the way you
women. People who are threatened by that
can express yourself best and just do itwould probably say that I was being subversive, regardless of what anyone says:'
as artists with strong political views are:'
10. She embracestaboos.'Tm passionate
5. SheclaimedFebruaryas Womenin Horror about getting people to use art to speak
Month."Horror media doesn't just ignore
about ... things considered taboo. I've been
women-they
don't even know we are here.
working on a new personal zinc called Death
Is the New Sex, about the taboo of death in
We are fucking invisible. WiH Month was
a call to action, a time for women-and
our culture, and am beginning the editing of
men-to
come together and really take a a book for Planned Parenthood. I hope men
and women of all ages will submit short zincs
look at the contributions women have made
or comics on sexuality, STDs, abortion, gyno
to the genre. The outpouring of support
was unreal."
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