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Description
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ToC Cover: DJ Tracy Young Spins Us Right Round by Rachel Shatto (p38); Keeping Abreast by Merryn Johns (p30); Finding Vanessa Carlton by Dave Steinfeld (p32); Tantalizing Traci by Kristin Flickinger (p36); The Other Sunshine State by Gillian Kendall (p64); Dynamo Dykes (p41); Luscious Lesbos (p52); 69 of the Sexiest Lesbians Alive (p62); Cover Photo by Mike Ruiz.
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issue
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8
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Date Issued
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October 2011
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol21_No8_0ctober-2011_0CR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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74470
I
80539
10
Features OCTOBER
2011
38
DJ Tracy Young
Spins Us Right Round
Lesbian OJ super star Tracy Young sets the
record straight on coming out and staying out.
By Rachel Shatto
30
Keeping Abreast
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
and we take a look at two lesbians fighting
the illness creatively. By Merryn Johns
32
Finding Vanessa Carlton
The bisexual singer-songwriter reveals
all about her new album and coming out
in Nashville. By Dave Steinfield
36
Tantalizing Traci
Lesbian movie star Traci Dinwiddie
captivates her fans with her honesty
and talent. By Kristin Flickinger
64
The Other Sunshine State
Desert drama and sleek accommodation
in Scottsdale, Ariz. By Gillian Kendall
Powerful& Sexy
Celebrate our unsung lesbian movers,
shakers and beauty makers this month.
41
Dynamo Dykes
From Olivia founder Judy Dlugacz to
strong woman, Tami Carswell: these
behind-the-scenes powerhouses are
changing the lives of lesbians everywhere.
52
Luscious Lesbos
What makes a lesbian sexy? These women
know. From pornographers to sex-positive
educators these lesbians are taking the
power of sex into their own hands.
62
69 of the Sexiest
Lesbians Alive
With so many beautiful
and sexy lesbians out
and proud today we
just couldn't fit them
all in, so we celebrate
69 of the wonderful
women who get us hot
under the collar.
COVER
PHOTO
BYMIKE
RUIZ
21
curve
page
62 -+---=
A TOLERANT WORLD IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. But we're getting there. At Progressive, we believe
in respecting all people and finding beauty in their differences. Because it's one thing to call yourself
Progressive, and another to live up to that name. To learn more about how we're making progress,
visit progressive.com/lgbt.
progressive.com/lgbt
PROGREIIIVE~
Progressive Casualty Ins. Co. and its affiliates, Mayfield Village, OH. 09P00116 (05/11)
Departments OCTOBER
2011
N.Y. Marriage Equality at last!
IN EVERY ISSUE
6
8
Editor's Letter
9
Contributors
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
11
Curvatures
Politics
Why the women of the Right aren't the
right women. By Victoria A. Brownworth
Stars
Our monthly profile of lesbian couples
who live, love and work together.
I curve
28
Lipstick & Dipstick
The Two of Us
Laugh Track
Comic and onstage powerhouse,
Jessica Kirson lets loose.
Lesbofile
Reclaim your power with steel
handbags and clutch purses. Show
the ladies you're single and ready to
mingle with a secret Sapphic sign.
4
26
Out in Front
Scene
Relationships
Do you worry you're getting lost in your
relationship? Lisa Eramo reveals the warning
signs of lesbian loss of identity.
Letters
10
17
18
21
22
80
20
24
70
72
74
76
Music: Legendary Linda Perry is back.
Film: Must-see Iranian cinema.
Food: Power pills and Halloween wine.
Tech: Build a command center
at home, worthy of any power lesbian.
78
Books: Empowering LGBT youth
with the right advice.
Chatting Up An Horse
Curvemag blogger Janelle Sorenson chats up
Australian indie darling (and butch cutie)
Kate Cooper of An Horse on curvemag.com
tl
Muy Bonita Michelle Bonilla
Lovely Latina and openly lesbian actor Michelle Bonilla
on her new festival hit Slipping Away, Latina representation
in film, and what it takes to get a lesbian-themed film
made today. Read our interview on curvemag.com.
tl
Mary Morten is the Lesbian
Pushing for Change in Chi-Town
Meet the inspiring Chicago activist and the force
behind the documentary Woke Up Black, who is
fighting for the rights and visibility of lesbians of
color in her community on curvemag.com
tl
Roberta Hacker Saves Lives
For the past 25 years, as Executive Director
and CEO of Women in Transition in Philadelphia,
Roberta Hacker has been actively involved in
making women safe. Read our interview with
this powerful lesbian on curvemag.com
We Heart Hunter Valentine
Read our up-close-and-personal chat with
the sexy lezzie rock band on curvemag.com
EDITOR'S
NOTE
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
OCTOBER 2011
PROBABLY
HEARDTHEJOKE.Q: How many
lesbians does it take to change a lightbulbr A: 10. One to
change it and nine to write the folk song and produce the
documentary ...
Is there any truth to the comic subtext of this punch liner
I don't know, but I'll tell you this. In my 15 years or so
of working in LGBT media and with LGBT nonprofits I've
frequently heard this adage-mostly
from gay men: If you want something
done, get a dyke to do it. And that's
not funny!
If our conventional notion of power
. is the ability to get things done, then
we might hold more power than we
realize. We might not always have the
funding or the top position-society
can still be very sexist, viewing males
as more powerful, especially when
the definition of power has to do
with controlling others, rather than
with the often unglamorous task of
getting things done.
This is our Powerful & Sexy issue.
In creating this issue of the magazine,
I was surprised at how often these
two categories-powerful
and sexyintersected. The powerful women we
interview this month are changing the way the world sees
LGBT people and their rights, and that's kind of hot. The
women we interview who are sexy- either because of their
image or their desire to transform the way we view lesbian
sexuality-are
all about empowering and educating us, not
just titillation. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
And as for that lightbulb joke: I don't think those 10
lesbians are writing a folk song or making a documentary.
They're probably working on creating an energy-efficient,
eco-friendly, affordable, international labor rights-approved,
non-incandescent source of light. Because that's what we do.
I hope that as the years go by, our list of powerful and sexy
lesbians grows longer and longer, and that one day you might
be one of those women we celebrate in curve.
~'VE
Power
to the
Lesbians
~
Merry~
Edito~~/~~
merryn@curvemag.com
6
Icurve
I
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 21 NUMBER 8
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenios
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Contributing Editors Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
PUBLISHING
Associate Publisher Diana L Berry
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
Advertising Sales Rivendell Media
ART
/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Jamie Anderson, Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin,
Bree Clarke, Lyndsey D'Arcangel 0, Beren deMotier, Lauren Marie
Fleming, Lisa Gunther, Tania Hammidi, Kathi lsserman, Melany
Joy Beck, Gillian Kendall, Georgia Krokus, Kate Lacey, Charlene
Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey, Ariel MessmanRucker, Alison Peters, Heather Robinson, Laurie K. Schenden,
Lori Selke, Janelle Sorenson, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Yana
Tallon-Hicks, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Erica Beckman, Brie Childers, Meagan Cignoli, Cheryl Craig,
JD Disalvatore, Tony Donaldson, Sophia Hantzes, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Constance Parten, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van
Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
PO Box 467
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Digital Edition Subscriptions zinio.com/digital.curvemag
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Volume 21 Issue 8 Curve (ISSN 1087-867)()is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/Februaryand July/August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY
10034. Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $89.95
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Contentsof Curve Magazinemay not be reproducedin any manner,either whole or in part,
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LETTERS
From Curve's
Facebook Wall
be felt in your pages, and this is what ·makes
L • V Ethis magazine
:)
-Summer AlexisKolacki
curve special. I'm hoping you'll be around
for quire some time to come!
-Jeff Nariyo, Safford,Ariz.
I justwantedto saythatI absolutely
loveyourSeptember
issue.I got it in
the mailtoday,andI can'tput it down.
I lookforwardto yourmagazine
each
month,butthis issueis definitelytops.
:) Keepupthe goodwork.
-CassandraWalls
Not Laughing
I'm a big fan of curve and was enjoying the
interview with Julie Wheeler (Vol. 21#6] until
she said she attracts women with "a pocketful
of roofies:' Frankly, I'm appalled that you
would print a rape joke. There is nothing funny
about saying the way to pick up women is to
drug them, regardless of the gender of the
person saying it. No matter how many times
I, and the countless other survivors out there,
are used as a punch line, each time feels like a
slap in the face.
Pleasedoa storyonthe USAWomen's
Soccerteam!!!Therearea few
lesbiansontheteamwhoareso
worthrecognizing
andcelebrating!
:)
-Jackey Humphrey-Straub
Nowaboutthatwomen'ssoccerarticle
I'vebeenbeggingfor... comeon!WPS
(Women's
Professional
Soccer)needs
oursupport
...-Vickie Smith
-Deb Jannerson,Portland,Ore.
Way to Keep it Real
I've been going over your last two issues
cover to cover and they're very nicely put
together and clearly real-so much so that
my paid subscription is currently on its way
to you. The two that I'm reading are Jan./
Feb. (Vol. 21#1] and March [Vol. 21#2] and
what really impresses me the most is the obvious sincerity with which the articles, reviews
and everything else is covered and presented
which makes you genuine, instead of just
another fake sell-out like some others. There's
a feeling of getting away from this world with
its hatred and prejudice and the coming
into acceptance and understanding that can
Poll
What does your girl do
to get you in the mood?
29%
28%
Sendssexytext messages
27%
16%
Wearssomethingsuggestive
lights candlesand
putson moodmusic
Thedishes
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
s Icurve
JulieWheeler'sNote:I'm sorry my attempt at
humor made you feel badly.I'm not one of those
comediansthatfeels nothing is off limits tojoke
about, but at the same time, there are varying
degreesof offensivenessandyou have topick your
battles.You did make me look at it differently.I
hope, at least, that the rest of the articlemade
you laugh.
The Other V Word
I'm writing because as a nurse practitioner,
I am compelled to point out an important
(and often overlooked) factoid. On page 14
of the July/ Aug. issue [Vol. 21#6], Johanna
Gohmann writes about her experience participation in an artistic work. The factoid is that
those genitalia are not vaginas, they are vulvae.
Nobody can see a vagina without a speculum.
Girls are not taught the correct name for
their body parts, which I find both sad and
intriguing. I'm stepping off the soap box now!
Keep up the great work on the magazine!
-Christine Robbins,Hoschton,Ga.
Hot Topic: Non-monogamy
Editor's
Note:Features
onsoccer,
footballandothersportsarecoming.
I startedreadingcurve in 1995...
andit still is myfavoritemagever!and
nowwiththis FBthingit's evenmore
fun!! -Evelyne Plate/
~ like
I've thought a lot about what it takes to be in
an open relationship and what it means to the
actual health of a relationship, and I've found
that as long as it isn't a band-aid for deeper
relationship issues, it's perfectly acceptable. It
is not however for me, or my partner.
-Sarah M. Perrone,WoodburyHeights,N.].
The matter is simple, cheaters are selfish. And
we who carry on "relationships" with them
enable them to be selfish, self centered, selfserving, immature and emotionally deficient
Odds are high that cheaters will cheat again
and that you aren't the first that they have
cheated with. The only thing for the sensibli
self-loving person to do is walk away.
We askedreadersif they wouldbe interestedin a
feature on in.fidelity,
non-monogamy,and the differencebetweenthe two and we hit afew nerves. -ES, Detroit
SEND LETTERSTO: curve
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CONTRIBUTORS
"Examining the roles we each play in creating healthy
romantic relationships has always interested me;' says
LisaEramo,Rhode Island-based writer and editor. Eramo
says her interest in psychology and examination of her
own past inspired her to write "Too Close for Comfort"
for this month's issue (page 24 ). While researching
her article, she interviewed various psychologists who
discuss the importance of maintaining one's identity in a
romantic relationship. Eramo has written for Boston Spirit
Magazine, Boston-based Bay Windows and a variety of
other publications. (lisaeramo.
wordpress.com)
JanetMayeris a New York City photographer specializing in
entertainment. Photography and pop culture are her lifelong
interests, and she got her start shooting the local city scene,
going on to work for major photo agencies with worldwide
distribution. She has photographed a wide variety of
subjects, from the President of the United States to many of
the biggest names in entertainment. Her photos have been
featured in People,Us,Life & Style,InTouch,New YorkDaily
News, New YorkPost,television shows, onli~e and print publications around the world. (redcarpetjotos.com)
SarahToceis a graduate of the New York Conservatory
of Dramatic Arts in New York City. Her specialty is
conducting celebrity interviews and covering high-profile
events with an emphasis on political, social and LGBToriented focuses. She is the editor in chief at The Seattle
Lesbian-the hot new online magazine read around the
world. Sarah jumped at the opportunity to interview
powerful woman and Seattle Lesbian co-editor Charlene
Strong (page 48). On the home front, Sarah is a halfmarathon runner who spends her time with her wife,
photographer Stephanie Brusig, and two dogs: Mattie
and Rose. (theseattlelesbian.com)
MikeRuizis an in-demand celebrity photographer shooting
high-profile names such as Katy Perry and Jessie J, not to
mention this month's cover girl DJ Tracy Young, and erotic
entrepreneur Jincey Lumpkin, Esq. Currently on TV in
season 2 of LOGO's The A-List: New York, Mike has
many fashion and lifestyle projects, as well as his constant
dedication to the Ali Forney Center, GMHC and other
LGBT organizations. Keep an eye out for his upcoming
coffee table book, Pretty Masculine. (mikeruiz.com) ■
October 2011
I9
From corrections
officer to comic diva
extraordinaire, Tammy
Peay uses humor as
her weapon of mass
destruction, leaving
love, compassion and
hilarity in her wake.
10
Icurve
Status Symbol
Gay, single and ready to mingle? Wear it!
Four years ago Jacqueline Sharlup walked into a restaurant and noticed a woman who worked there, smiling at
her. Sharlup wondered, "Is she smiling at me because she
thinks I'm pretty? Is she smiling at me because that's her
job? Is she smiling at me because she just thought of something funny?" Sharlup left the restaurant and sat in her
car, wondering what to do. "I was so dying to say to her,
'Do you want to go get a cup of tea or something?'"
Everyone knows it can be a very uncomfortable and
scary thing to approach a cute stranger, especially if it's
unclear whether or not she rides the same bus.
Sharlup didn't return to the restaurant, but that moment
was the inspiration behind her new jewelry line, GS Life
and Style. The GS (or 'gay and single") pendants are made
of high-quality stainless steel and come in a variety of
designs and sizes.
The pendants are a modern turn on a concept that goes
back centuries: the secret Sapphic sign. Symbols of lesbianism and availability that have shown up in the past range
from cock rings worn around women's necks in 1970s San
Francisco, to a colored handkerchief hanging out the back
pocket; in the early 1900s it was common for women to
give one another violets as a symbol of their affection and
in the 7th century Sappho's poems describe her and a lover
wearing garlands of violets to signify their same-sex love.
Sharlup has a timeless and borderless vision for her GS
symbol, which she has now applied to a line of eye-catching
T-shirts. "I would like for GS to go and travel all over the
world. I don't want to say it's a problem or an issue but most
people feel the desire to have that special person by their
side. The GS pendants can help people to connect to each
other because you really just have to wear it. You don't have
to go to a gay bar, you don't have to go on a gay dating site.
Not to put those things down, but a lot of people don't want
to do that stuff. They just want to live their life every day,
go to the supermarket and have the possibility of bumping
into somebody and maybe getting a date or making a
connection:' (gslifeandstyle.com)
[JillianEugenios]
October 2011
I 11
CURVATURES
Power Purses
Lesbians don't do handbags, do they? Think again.
In 2004, a fire completely demolished handbag designer Wendy Stevens' production
facility in Pennsylvania and she resolved to build the business into something stronger.
Inspired by the substance of New York City-and by a lack of small, durable handbags-Stevens began creating her first metal handbags-punching
holes, cutting and
sanding the sheet metal herself-all while working in a nightclub. The business took
off and she has since taken on a small staff, which has given her more freedom to put
her personalized stamp on her bags by designing her own sheet metals. These chic
and distinctive purses are timeless works of art, sold in specialty stores throughout the U.S. and on display at the Smithsonian and Philadelphia Museum of Art.
They're also worn by celebrities such as True Blood's Kristen Bauer, Twilight author
Stephanie Meyer, and Megan Fox. Handbags aren't just for iiber-femmes; give yourself the edge with these sexy satchels. (wendystevens.com) [MerrynJohns]
•
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LIPSTICK
LESBIAN
Sexy, edgy and charitable cosmetics for queers.
Stuck in a beauty rut? Check out three of our favorite cosmetic lines
that will have you saying: we're here, we're_queer, we're gorgeous.
Glam It Up
Sure, makeup can make you
lookgood, but MAC Viva
Glam will make you feel good
too, since every cent of MA C's
Viva Glam lipstick and lipglass
goes to the MAC AIDS Fund
to help in the fight againstand to promote awareness
of-HIV/ AIDS. The current
campaign is inspired by the
always-glamorous gay super
ally Lady Gaga and comes in
a stunning nude color with a
hint of peach to brighten up
your face-or maybe that's just
the glow of do-gooding. One
tube of lipstick can purchase
254 condoms, medicine for 5
newborn babies or even 32 safe
sex kits. (maccosmetics.com)
Just for Us
Sappho Cosmetics-as their
name suggests-is all about
servicing their lesbian clientele.
Featuring luscious powder and
liquid foundation, high intensity
eye shadows and oh-so kissable
lip glosses, this eco-conscious,
organic makeup line is the
perfect fit for lezzies who want
their politics to match their
punim. Every product is organic
and paraben, phthalate and
cruelty-free. So it's little wonder
why it's a favorite of several
L Word alums, including Mia
Kirshner, Leisha Hailey and
Jennifer Beals, all of whom have
a line of foundation inspired
by their skin tones-which
really puts a new fresh-faced
spin on the lezzie game: Which
L Word character are you?
(sapphocosmetics.com)
Avant-GardeAllure
There is a real artistry to
applying beautiful makeup, and
for those seeking something
edgy, intense and just a bit
apocalyptic, Illamasqua's
Toxic Nature color story is
a cosmetic dream come true.
This collection of stunning
lipsticks, shadows, liquid
liners and nail polishes
combines muted matte
earth tones with pops
of bright eye-catching neon
color, creating a look that's·
all-together intoxicating. It's a
perfect reminder that makeup
is meant to be fun, playful
and artistic. When you're
looking to be bold, dramatic
and avant-garde, Illamasqua's
unconventional hues and unique
tools will elevate your beauty
arsenal. ( illamasqua.com)
[RachelShatto]
Gay and Glamorous: (1,3) MAC Viva Glam lipglass &
lipstick, (2,5) Sappho eye shadow palatte & liquid mineral
foundation, (4,6,7) lllamasqua cream shadow, nail polish
and Toxic Nature color story
October 2011
I 13
CURVATURES
the rundown
The supreme court of Michigan
has decided not to hear a custody case involving
a lesbian couple and their three children. Renee
Harmon
andTammy
Daviswere
together for 19 years before Davis left with the children and claimed custody
on the basis of being the birth mother. A lower court ruling cited federal precedence that would support Harmon's case for custody, but an emergency appeal
filed in the Michigan court of appeals reversed the lower court's decision and
dismissed her claim of custody ... Savitaand Veena,the first lesbian couple to
be married in India,have been moved into a safe house including 24-hour protection after they received threats of violence including"honor killings:' Savita,
who had been forced to marry a man, was granted a divorce by a local court
after disclosing her relationship with Venna and the two women were legally
married. Fourteen ofVeena's relatives and villagers have been served notices
from the court after threatening the couple with "dire consequences:' ••• Lesbian
couple HegeDalenand TorilHansen
saved as many as 40 people from the attack
of gunman Anders
Behring
Breivik
on Utoyaislandin Norway.
The couple was
camping at a site across from the island and drove their boat near the island
when they heard gunshots and screaming. Dalen and Hansen pulled injured
people out of the water transporting them to shore, returning four times to
save as many people as possible, narrowly avoiding gunfire ... KateBakerand
MingLinsley,
along with representation from the ACLU,
are suing the Wildflower
Innof Lyndonville,
Vermont
for refusing to host the couple's wedding
reception after learning that they are lesbians. The couple
claims that the inn is in violation of the FairHousing
andPublicAccommodations
Actin Vermont, which
prohibits hotel establishments from turning down
patrons based on their sexual orientation ... Lesbian
couple OliverOdom
and
Jennifer
Tiptonwere
visiting DollyParton's
Dollywood
theme park
when Odom was told
by park employees at
the gate that she would
be required to turn her
"Marriage is so Gay"
T-shirt inside out in
order to gain entrance.
The couple in partnership with Campaign
for
Southern
Equality
has
written a letter to park
management, requesting
sensitivity training for
Dollywood staff. A
Dollywood spokesperson has gone on record
saying that the incident
was a misunderstanding
connected to the
park's strict dress code.
[Sassafras
Lowrey]
Are you ready for some fierce competition? Submit a photo of your
ultimate Las Vegas experience to be entered for a chance to win a
Vegas vacation and more. Read more about the contest, then go to
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OUTINFRONT
Out-and-Out
Organizers
Two lesbians bring the fight for
equality to your front door.
By Sheryl Kay
Door-to-Door Warrior
To go from pacing the water's edge as a lifeguard to knocking on doors as a political
canvasser must have seemed strange to some
people, but not to RobinBrand.
"I loved it immediately-meeting
new
people, talking to them about issues that
mattered and the pressure of having to raise
a specific amount of money each night;' she
says, recalling her first brush with community activism when a friend convinced her to
uoin Fair Share, part of the Citizen Action
Alliance in Massachusetts.
In a way, Brand continued going door-todoor, but in a much bigger neighborhood,
when she was senior vice president for strategy
and campaigns at the Gay & Lesbian Victory
Fund and Leadership Institute, the organization that leads the nation in identifying,
training and helping to elect openly LGBT
political candidates. There she helped raise
hundreds of thousands of dollars in direct
candidate contributions and often served as
the Victory Fund's national spokesperson.
"Like it or not, money drives politics;' says
Brand. "During tough economic times, it is a
challenge. But I believe so much in the impact
of the work we do that I want to give people
an opportunity to get engaged in our work:'
Today, Brand is deputy executive director
at the Victory Fund, where she oversees strategic development projects such as crafting
a run for the U.S. Senate for Rep. Tammy
Baldwin (D-Wisc.) and working with the
National Association of Latino Elected
Officials to increase the presence of Latino
LGBT leaders.
Yet, despite all her experience in dealing
with major national issues and international
politicians, Brand says that the people who
inspire her most are not necessarily the D.C.
movers and shakers.
"I admire lesbians who choose not to flock
to the big cities but instead decide to make a
difference where they live, whether they are
abroad or in the U.S.;' Brand explains. "They
are changing hearts and minds in places that
matter most to them-their own communities. These are my heroes in the fight to win
LGBT rights around the world:'
Asian Persuasion
GingCristobalgrew up in a household that
did not conform to the strict gender roles
common in traditional Filipino families.
Growing up as one of six children, Cristobal
thrived in a family where her headstrong
mother was just as much the head of the
household as her father-and
he in turn
shared housekeeping chores and openly
nurtured his children. "That is why, growing
up, I never had problems fitting in or feeling
insecure and not accepted, because my family
was my anchor and my source of love and
strength;' she says.
However, after she came out, it didn't
take long for Cristobal to learn that not all
Filipinos were as accepting. While attending
her very first lesbian film, Cristobal joined in
an all-women's round table where she spoke
with women who told of the violence and
discrimination they faced at work, from friends,
at school, but mostly from their families.
"I went home really bothered;' she recalls.
"I saw I was so lucky that I had loving and
accepting parents, but at the same time I
knew in my heart that I have to do something:'
Fast-forward 15 years of civil rights work
for LGBT causes and today Cristobal is
now the project coordinator for an enormous region-Asia
and the Pacific-at
the International Gay and Lesbian Human
Rights Commission. In Cristobal's region, 10
countries have laws criminalizing consensual
homosexual acts.
"In Asia, lesbians are tolerated, but most
of the time are discriminated against and
face violence because of their sexual orientation and gender identity;' she says.
One of Cristobal's most important recent
projects is the launching of a 30-minute video
that highlights the violence and discrimination experienced by the LGBT community
in Asia, while showcasing their efforts to
fight for equality, safety and decriminalization. It also is a call to action to governments
to implement the Yogyakarta Principles-a
set of 29 binding legal standards that outline
how international human rights law applies
to the lives ofLGBT people.
Progress, she says, requires taking action
and maintaining one's goals.
"Continue to create spaces for everyone to
be stronger until you make things happentalk more openly, do research, documents
cases of abuse and violence, do legal advocacy
work, challenge laws, challenge restrictive
and backward traditions, help other LGBT
groups to prosper, be the role model to
younger LGBT people, be more out and
slowly realize your dreams;' she says. "Never
give up your dreams:' ■
October 2011
I 17
LESBOFILE
Easy Come, Easy Go
Emma, Denise and Liv love us but Sheryl says
goodbye. By Jocelyn Voo
it looks like we lose one. The three-time
Olympic gold medalist and three-time
MVP of the WNBA came out in 2005, after
ending her marriage to a man. Swoopes had
begun dating the former assistant coach
for her original hoops team, the Houston
Comets. But now it looks like she's swung
the other way again with her engagement
to a man. The lucky guy:' Chris Unclesho, a
longtime friend of the basketball star.
When Swoopes first came out, she stated,
'Tm not bisexual. I don't think I was born
[gay]. Again, it was a choice:' And her
particular path, it seems, has
segued back to a heterosexual
relationship. Even though it may
seem like we've lost her, we've got
to be proud of our girl, a pioneer
for gay African-American athletes. And we wish her a lifetime
of happiness.
RedHot
Who'sWinningNow?
Probably better known for being the former
wife of crazypants Charlie Sheen, or as a
bisexual bad girl in Wild Things, Denise
Richards
will heretofore be better known in
Sapphic circles for her recent real-life girlon-girl confession.
Talking to Howard Stern, Richards reveals
that she once had a brief affair with another
well-known Hollywood female actoralthough she declined to name names.
"I just met her through friends and work
and stuff ... I was just curious. We were
curious," she says. "She was a girly-girl.
She's beautiful. You would know who she
is:' According to Richards, the other actor
was the one who made the first move.
A real-life Wild Things encounter:' We
can't wait for Richards' tell-all book to
come out.
1s
I curve
OurNo.1 Fan
Four words: LivTylerloves lesbians. (Just not
like how you're wishing she meant that.)
While having the model turned actor
as a guest on her talk show, comic Chelsea
Handler told Tyler that many of her lesbian
friends had a big crush on her. Tyler's
response: "Thank you! I like lesbians ... !
love lesbians:'
Ah, Liv.You made a million nerds swoon
as an Elf maiden in Lord of the Rings,and
now you've got our hearts, too.
DoubleDribble
You win some, you lose some-and
in
basketball phenom SherylSwoopes'case,
After Friends With Bene.fitsand
EasyA, actor EmmaStoneis on a
red-hot career streak. For Easy
A, Stone credits having a cadre
of gay and lesbian friends as she
grew up, making it easy for her to
portray the struggles that teens
can face. "That support is profoundly important and moving
to me, because you guys are the
best;' she told The Advocate.
That, combined with her lack of mentioning a boyfriend to the press, may have
some gossipmongers speculating just how
much she's aligned with the rainbow flag.
When asked if she has a girlfriend, Stone's
answer was very intriguing. "No I don't
have a girlfriend. But who knows:' You love
who you love:'
And as to her Hollywood girl-crush,
Stone says it'd definitely be Mad Men star
(and fellow redhead) Christina Hendricks.
"Everything about her does it for me;'
Stone says. "That's my kind of woman:'
Curvy, successful and gorgeous:' Stone's
got good taste. ■
She Said
October 2011
I 19
THETWOOFUS
Cheril & Monica
Diversity publishing moguls Cheril Clarke and Monica Bey share their love story.
By Merryn Johns
How they met
Cheril:We met in the fall of 2003 at the 29th anniversary celebration
for African Ancestral Lesbians United for Societal Change. I was
there to do spoken word poetry as a part of the evening's entertainment
and Monica had just come in by chance. After my performance, I
went around to gather e,mail addresses for my mailing list and put
a notation next to Monica's name so that I could remember who she
was. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. I didn't want to chance mixing
her name up with anyone else's.
Monica:Cheril had a captivating energy that intrigued me. I saw her
put a star next to my name and something inside me was eagerly
looking forward to hearing from her after that first night. I wanted to
see where things could go.
Getting hitched
Cheril:I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Monica after
the first six months of dating. That is when I found myself in the
diamond district of New York picking out a hand,made ring in an
antique setting. I wasn't rushing; I waited another year before popping
the question. We got engaged at Stonewall Restaurant, N.Y.C. I was
prepared to release an effusion of poetry and romantic prose and forgot
every single word when it was time to pop the question. I managed to
get through it by just getting down on one knee and letting new words
flow.I presented her with a greeting card that I'd had signed by my siblings
with a"welcome to the family" message ... and of course the ring.
Monica:I never thought Cheril would have proposed to me in that
way, on that night ... or that she would even have it in her to call my
stepfather and actually ask for my hand, but she did. We got married
at Oheka Castle in Huntington, N.Y. in front of family and friends.
At the time we had already done Domestic Partnership paperwork
The ceremony was really just a public celebration for our family and
friends. A month later, New Jersey passed the Civil Union law so we
went ahead and changed our status again to get that for more legal
protection.
Working together
Monica:When we were preparing to become foster parents I wanted
to build a library of multi,cultural and diverse tides for the children
we would be taking into our home. While there were a handful of
LGBT children's books available, there was a huge void of those with
multi,cultural characters. We talked about creating a subsidiary to
publish this work, but didn't act on it until a year later when we realized
that the void was still very much there.
Cheril:We are founders and managing partners of Bey,Clarke Media
Group. I have been an author for 10 years and since the beginning of
my relationship with Monica she has been supportive of my worK
Aside from the children's line, our publishing company will soon be
accepting submissions for upcoming anthologies that tell the storiei
of our transgendered brothers and sisters.
Advice on workingand livingtogether
Monica:We schedule business meetings. That's our time to talk shor
and make company decisions. Of course, business ideas come at al
times of the day, so we'll end up chatting about them over breakfas1
or while driving, but it's important to keep balance, have fun anc
continue to go on dates.
Cheril:When you work and live together it can be very easy to havt
every conversation turn into something work,related. To quell tha
natural tendency, we've taken up separate hobbies that allow us pro
ductive time apart and new things to talk about when we regroup
Monica is learning to fly with the aim of getting her pilot's license anc
I'm taking equestrian lessons. We work out together because having,
partner is just easier in that department. ( cherilnclarke.com) ■
1
20
I curve
SCENE
At Last
Photographer Janet Mayer captures
the landmark lesbian marriages in Gotham City.
Finally, marriage equality in New York.
On Sunday July 24, it was indeed a
case of "at last" for Phyllis Siegel, 77,
and Connie Kopelov, 85, together 23
years, who became the first of many
same-sex couples who tied the knot
at the marriage bureau on Worth
Street in Lower Manhattan, witnessed
by openly gay City Council Speaker
Christine Quinn. "This is the first day
of the rest of our lives;' Siegel told the
NY Post. Over 2,600 couples applied
for marriage licenses online from July
5 through July 19. With as many as
1,300 couples hoping to marry on July
24, the city held a lottery, which allowed
approximately 800 couples to marry or
obtain a license on that day.
"Thisis
the first
day of
the rest of
our lives."
-Phyllis Siegel, 77
October 2011
I21
Sharing Is For Suckers
Help! I'm obsessed with someone I can't have.
By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm 39 and have been straight my whole life. I've
never actively questioned my sexuality, although most of my friends are
women and I enjoy female energy and company. I have a boyfriend who I
see several times a week, but we do not live together. He's a great guy, but
we don't have plans to get married or anything. I am very confused about
feelings that have emerged over the past year. I have a terrible crush on a
female Facebook friend. I met her a few times in person socially (she's the
girlfriend of my friend) and I've always found her delightful and attractive. I
don't have that much contact with her in the flesh, but I'm addicted to her
on Facebook. She is pretty and funny and has interesting friends. I check
on her every day, look at her pictures, and to be honest, kind of stalk her. I
wake up thinking about her and the first thing I do when I log on is check
her status. I've never kissed a girl before and I'm really confused now. Am
I secretly or subconsciously gay? Can Facebook make you gay? Can you
be gay on FB and nowhere else?- Flaming on Facebook
Dipstick:Jesus, don't let the right wing get
a hold of this. Once they find out Facebook
is making people gay, they'll have the whole
Internet shut down. But I'm even more afraid
of you than the Right Wing. This sounds like
a creepy obsession. It doesn't matter if you're
gay or not, the girl is taken. Leave her be.
Lipstick:Oh Dip, you're calling the kettle
black. Remember when you used to obsess on
Rachel Maddow? We drove all night in your
Subaru to Northampton, Mass. listening to
an endless stream of her podcasts just to try to
get a glimpse of her at her favorite coffee shop?
Facebook Fanatic, just cool your jets a bit. I
think you might simply be bored with your life.
Try new things, meet new friends. Set some
boundaries around your obsession, too-like,
maybe you're only allowed to check her profile
once a week, or you can only fantasize about
her on days that start with "T' If you still can't
control the mouse, try out a girl of your own, a
woman you can actually poke in person.
Dipstick:I wasn't stalking Rachel Maddow. I
just admire her as a journalist and I wanted
221 curve
to see what coffee drink she ordered. Geez. As
for you, fanatic, it sounds to me like you're in a
stale relationship and Facebook hottie is a nice
distraction from the doldrums at home. She's a
fantasy, nothing more. Take some of the energy
you're spending on FB and use it to take a
good hard look at your own relationship.
DearLipstickandDipstick:I amdatinga bi-chick
who hashada boyfriendsincethe daywe met
It's been about three years now and they're
closerthaneverbecausethey'rehavinga baby,
I alwaysfeel second.I don't think she loves
me anymore,andcertainlynot as muchas she
seemsto love him thesedays.Sheand I have
beenfighting a lot and I'm tired of sharingher
with someoneelse.I've neverbeenOKwith n
andI wonderif I everwill be.Whatdo youthink
I shoulddo?Stayfor her,the babyand him or
leave?-NottheBabyDaddy
Lipstick:Dipstick, would you rather share
your girlfriend with a guy or stick a habanero
pepper up your bum?
Dipstick:
The pepper. Duh.
Lipstick:
Even if you were hospitalized after?
Dipstick:
Definitely.
Lipstick & Dipstick ADVICE
Lipstick:Me too. I'd take the whole burning
tush before I'd let myself play third wheel with
a guy involved. Sucker, you feel like second
because you are and you're soon to be third. My
advice is to stop the bleeding right here, right
now, and end this nonsense. Find a girlfriend
who isn't in a relationship and it's amazing
what will happen. You'll suddenly be No. 1.
Dipstick:
That's not to say open relationships
can't work. I believe they can, but only when
all parties want that kind of set up. If you're
just waiting around for her to get sick of this
guy, I've got news for you-now that she has
as child with him, Baby Daddy will be in her
life forever. If you want to stay with this bisexual beauty, you're going to have to come to
terms with her open lifestyle. (And don't call
her a bi-chick, it's offensive). Two good books
about open relationships are Open by Jenny
Block and Opening Up by Tristan Taormina.
DearLipstickandDipstick:
I escapedfromthe
mosthorrible
relationship
a littleovera year.She
lied,cheated,
stole,separated
mefrommyfamily
andfriendsandmoreor lessdestroyed
all my
trust,caringandhopein myselforothers.
I didn't
realizeall of thisuntiljustrecently.
I didall the
thingsI felt I neededto do to recover.
I made
amends
withlovedones,movedtotheotherside
of town,gotridof all reminders
of therelationshipandcutoffalmostall contact.
I grieved
and
mourned,
allowedmyselfto be depressed
and
angryandeverything
elsea personcanpossiblyfeel.ThenI beganrebuilding
my life,doing
thingsI loveandhandling
mybusiness.
I found
someone
whoreallystrucka chordwithme.We
courtedfora goodwhilethenmadethingsofficialjustrecently.
I didn'trealizeit before,
butI've
begunto feelthisgnawingfearinsideaboutmy
currentgirlfriend.
I findmyselfasking:Whatif
she'slying?Whatif I openupandendupworse
thanbefore?Of course,theseare normalconcerns.Whatis notnormalfor me is howI look
overhershoulder
at herphone.(Myex usedher
phoneas her mainmodeof infidelity.}
Also,I
becomeextremelyself-conscious
the minute
her attentionis focusedon anyone,friends
included,
whoareviewedasevenslightlymore
attractive
thanme.This,too,is so notlikeme.
I'mworriedthatmyexhasinflicted
somesevere
psychological
damage.I don'twantthisto hurt
mycurrentpartneror me anylonger.
Whatare
yoursuggestions?-Beaten
Butch
Dipstick:
Dude, you are so not ready to be in
a relationship. You need more time to reflect
and heal. Recovering from any relationship
takes time. An abusive one takes even longer.
You need outside help. I recommend getting in
touch with your local domestic violence agency
and see if there is a support group for women
who have been in abusive relationships. It's
important not only to recognize what your
partner did to you, but also what issues with
your self-esteem and self-worth that may have
attracted you to an abusive person in the first
place. Check out this book: It's My Life Now:
Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or
Domestic Violence by Meg Kennedy Dugan
and Roger R. Hock. If you don't conquer the
inner issues that led you into an abusive relationship, you're bound to repeat the pattern.
Or worse, if this goes unchecked, you could be
on your way to becoming the_abusive one.
MELISSA
FERRICK
Featuring
guest
appearances
by
• Ani DiFranco .
& KakiKing!-. ,,: ·
If you still can't control the
mouse, try out a girl of your
own, a woman you can
actually poke in person.
Lipstick:
Looks like Dipstick has her toolbox
out today because she just hit the nail on the
head! While Dip's got the box out, let's have
a look at the vice inside. Why? Because it
resembles the instrument of your destruction
right now, Beaten Butch. Like the vice, your
insecure baggage has fixed itself around your
relationship and is crushing it. If you don't
figure out how to unlock its grip with professional help, as Dip suggests, this vice will not
only destroy your relationship but also your
life. You've got to learn how to trust again and
a good counselor holds the key. ■
Tune in to curvemag.com/lipstickanddipstic~
to watch the The Lipstick & Dipstick Show.
Or write to tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
••
THE,NEW ALBUM
"STILL BIGH'T'HERE'
A.V'AILABtE·,
NOW!
WWW.MELl55AEERRl£1t£0M
WWW.MPRE55RE£0RD5
.COM
ADVICERelationships
Too Close For Comfort
Is loss of identity taking its toll on your relationship?
By Lisa A. Eramo
relationship. Although Donna wants to join
a softball league chat practices three times a
week, she hesitates because she knows Joan
doesn't like the sport. Donna fears being away
from Joan on chose three nights of the week.
She wants to avoid conflict with her, so she
decides not to join the team.
But wait a minute. What about the heartpounding, electrical currents we all feel during
the honeymoon stage of a relationship?
You know what I'm talking about-those
butterflies chat seem to flutter around in
our stomachs whenever we see our new
crush? Aren't these feelings normal, and
shouldn't we welcome them?
Yes, experts say... buc only to a point.
FEEL INVISIBLE?
Ask these questions to determine
whether loss of identity is
occurring in your relationship:
What do lesbians bring on a second date?
We've all heard the joke, and we all know the
punch line. It's the classic U, Haul cliche, and
most lesbians seem to have experienced it at
one point or another in their lives, or at least
know someone else who has. But why is there
chis tendency to meet, fall in love and rush
into a blissful and cohabitating union? Is it
healthy? Should we be resisting the lesbian
urge co merge?
The intense intimacy that lesbians experi,
ence in their relationships is definitely not a
bad thing, and it's precisely what all women
want regardless of their sexual orientation,
says licensed clinical social worker Claudia
Bepko, co,author of the paper "The Problem
of Fusion in the Lesbian Relationship:' "For
lesbians, the capacity for closeness, intimacy
and intensity is a strength because it reflects
our socialization as women, and it's what
everybody is looking for;' says Bepko.
Sounds wonderful, right? Not quite. When
the intense closeness leads to what mental
24
I curve
health professionals call a"loss of identity" for
one or both partners, the relationship could
be on a one,way ticket to disaster.
This loss of identity occurs when each
partner becomes so emotionally merged with
the other that they fear differences between
them and often deny chat chose differences
even exist, says Julie Mencher, master of
social work, psychotherapist and consultant
in Northampton, Mass. who specializes in
working with LGBT clients.
Individuals in a couple where there is some
loss of identity for one or both partners
develop an acute sensitivity to one another's
needs and feelings sometimes at the expense
of their own, says Mencher.
Consider Donna and Joan-two fictional
lesbians who have been coupled together for
nearly 10 years. The two women spend all
of their time together with the exception of
their working hours. They feel very content
with one another's company and don't seek
socialization outside the confines of their
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
I
C
s
AmI happyin the relationship?
n
DoI feelasthoughI havea voice
in therelationship?
l:
DoI feelsafetellingmypartner
whatI wantanddon'twant?
r
0
If mypartnerdoesn'tagreewith me,
doI feelsafeassertingmyopinion?
DoI feeldistantfrommypartner?
p
C
a
Doesmyrelationship
fostermy
abilityto bemyself?
p
Doesmyrelationship
helpmegrow
asa person?
d
CanI talkto mypartneraboutmy
wishesanddreamsevenif they're
nothers?
0
ic
f.
0
le
''t
If theanswerto the majorityof these
questions
is "no,"this maybea signthat
thereis anunhealthy
dynamictaking
placein the relationship,
causingoneor
bothpartnersto feela lossof identity.
b,
V
V
TIPS TO REVIVE YOUR MERGED RELATIONSHIP
Consider these other helpful tips that experts say can help re-establish individuality in a relationship:
STEPONE:Remember
that Romewasn'tbuilt
in a day.Don'tgo on a
crashcourseof "fusion
busting,"saysJulie
Mencher.
Couples
need
to graduallyintroduce
separateactivities
in nonthreatening
ways,sheadds.For
example,
try goingon
a doubledatewith
anothercouple.Each
partnerin the couple
seesa differentmovie
with a memberof the
oppositecouple.When
eachmoviehasended,
thefour reconvene
to
discussthe moviesover
coffee.Thistypeof timelimitedactivitydoesn't
arouseanxietyin the
couple,andit alsohelps
the couplerealizethat
beingapartmightnot
beso badafterall,says
Mencher.
STEPTWO:Connect
with othercouples.
Forexample,BarbElgin
Why Women Are so Close
Part of the reason why women, in particular,
can become so close is because of gender
socialization-not
necessarily sexual orien,
tation, says Bepko. "Women are taught to be
more focused on relationships-to be helpers,
to be overly engaged in their relationships, to
be over,focused on the other person rather
than themselves;' she says.
And we can't forget that in some wayregardless of our gender-our
past affects
our present, says Barb Elgin. Elgin is a licensed
psychotherapist and certified singles coach
who specializes in the dating and relationship
concerns of lesbian women. "We all have
a history that we bring forward. The type of
parenting you had is critical to the formation
of your romantic relationships and how confi,
dent you are in a relationship;' she adds.
The good news is that experts say loss of
identity in lesbian relationships is becoming
far less frequent. They attribute this to a more
open and accepting society in which coupled
lesbians don't need to think of themselves as
"us against the world:'
However, for some couples, it continues to
be a problem.
When Close is Too Close
MThen the words: "Give me my space!" start
offersa couplescirclein
whichcouplesnationwidecanengageto hear
others'storiesabout
whatstrategieshave
workedfor them.
STEPTHREE:
Don'tbe
afraidto seekprofessionalhelp,when
necessary.
Visitthe
AmericanPsychological
Association's
website
(apa.org)
or the National
Association
for Social
Workers(socialworkers.
org)to locatesomeonein yourarea.Look
to creep up in everyday conversation, that
might be an indication that one or both
partners feels a loss of individuality and is
desperately trying to regain it, says Elgin.
There are also other clues that a loss of
identity might be occurring in a relationship.
"If fusion is an issue, you will constantly put
yourself on the back burner and constantly
defer to the other person. You won't risk
conflict, and you will tell yourself that it's
more important to take care of her needs than
it is to take care of your own;' says Bepko.
Sometimes a loss of identity may be dis,
guised as something else, says Mencher,
adding that many couples may present with
the complaint that they never have sex or that
they fight all the time. Worst,case scenario is
that one partner has shut down emotionally or
even cheated on her partner in an attempt to
subconsciously reassert her identity, she adds.
How to Make it Work
Just because a couple may be merged doesn't
mean the relationship is doomed or that they
should call it quits, experts say. Establishing
a framework to ensure that each individual
doesn't lose sight of her own goals, interests
and desires is an important first step toward
sustaining any relationship, says Mencher.
Erica Friedman, 45, and her partner Pattie,
for a therapistwho
specializes
in lesbian
issues,saysMencher.
Sometimes
a simple
Google
searchfor "lesbiantherapist"in your
areawill dothetrick.
STEPFOUR:
Recognize
the waysin which
individuality
has
contributed
to zestor
vitalityin the relatlonshipin the past.
Thismakesthe ideaof
untanglingsomeof that
fusiona little lessthreatening,saysMencher.
47-who
recently celebrated their 28,year
anniversary-says it is their differences that
have ironically brought them closer together.
Although they share similar interests, they
each also maintain separate hobbies and
friends, says Friedman.
"Cultivate your own life. Have your interests
so that it balances out;' she says. "The most
important person in the world should be
you. The second most important person
should be your partner:'
Experts say it is this individuality-as
well as flexibility-that
makes relation,
ships survive and thrive in the long run.
Relationships change over time. New situ,
ations arise. If the relationship can't be
flexible enough and the boundaries around
the couple can't be permeable enough to
allow change to happen, then it's a problem;'
says Mencher.
Mencher warns that the aging process
can be difficult for couples who are intensely
merged because aging often brings with it
illness, loss and separation due to alterna,
tive living situations. She adds that having
children is another life change that can be
difficult for merged couples because it means
that the couple must learn to fl.exits bound,
aries, cope with separation and allow other
people into their lives. ■
October 2011
I25
LAUGH
TRACK
Still Standing
Comic Jessica Kirson 's powerful stage presence. By Merryn Johns.
A proud New Jersey native, and a veteran
of the New York City stand-up scene where
she was doing 10 to 20 shows a week,Jessica
Kirson has been seen on VHl, Bravo,
Showtime, and Comedy Central, survived
reality TV with Celebrity Apprentice and
Last Comic Standing, and has appeared on
Last Call With Carson Daly and The Tonight
Show with Jay Leno. Larger than life, she can
belt out a blues tune and is prone to staging
public displays of eccentricity like talking
to trashcans and laughing uncontrollably
in shopping malls. Yes, she is a lesbian but it
doesn't define her, and no, she won't conform
to lesbian standards of political correctness:
"Don't try to suppress me because I will go
nuts!" She may make you uncomfortable,
but mostly she'll make you laugh hysterically
as she pokes fun at our hang-ups about sex,
food, family and cultural stereotypes. She's
angry, she's hungry and she's one not-to-bemissed lesbian comic.
Is there still a lot of discrimination
against
femalecomics?
Yes, and the only way to change it is to get
better and better as a comic.
Whoarethemostpowerful
womenin comedy?
Chelsea Handler, Kathy Griffin, Roseanne
and Rosie O'Donnell.
Theydon'talwaysplaynice.Isit becoming
more
acceptable
thatwomencan'own'comedy?
The only way to make it as a comic is to own
it and be a "bitch" and not worry so much
about what everyone thinks. The most successful female comics are the most free. Look
at Lisa Lampanelli.
WhataboutEllenDeGeneres?
I'm surprised that she doesn't have more
female comics on her show. Rosie O'Donnell
always supported women that she thought
were really talented. She tried to help us.
JoyBeharhasbeenverysupportive
ofyou,too.
I adore her. I've been on her show 12 times
and she's been incredible to me. I was leaving
Joy's show the last time and I was walking
out of the studio and she yells out, "Jessica,
26
J
curve
if you weren't a lesbian I would be with you!"
It was hysterical. The last thing I need is a
friendship.
Youdogaygigs,Jewishgigs,straightgigs.Do
yougetanything
outof makingmenlaugh?
Yes, because it's unbelievably powerful. I
have so much control over men on stage it's
amazing. It's like being a comedy dominatrix. I know the minute I get up there they're
thinking, This is a woman, she's not going to
be funny. I love making men laugh-I have
them in the palm of my hand, and then I can
destroy them. [Laughs] I have a lot of male
energy and I think that helps me.
Wheredoesyouronstage
powercomefrom?
It comes from inner rage. I'm not an angry
person but a lot of things make me angry. My
mother is a therapist. She had clients in the
house my whole life so I always had to stay
quiet. I feel like so many women are so suppressed. I feel like I'm trying to let out what
they're bottling up inside. I had a woman say
to me, "I can't come see you. You scare me:'
And I'm the nicest person.
Youdocontroversial
material.Likea onenight
standwherethewomanaskedyouto beviolent
to her.Is violence
againstwomeneverfunny?
First of all, it's about sex. I'm not up there
saying, "Isn't it hysterical when men beat the
shit out of women!"
Soin thatbit,whatwasgoingon in thathotel
roomthatnight?
It was about sex and status. It was what she
was into but it made me uncomfortable.
Youpushboundaries
inotherareas,likeJewish
andAfricanAmerican
culture.
Jewish people can take a joke, and believe
it or not, so can black people. I have never
once had an African American person say to
me they were offended. It's the white, tight,
politically correct people that get so freaked
out and I actually feel sorry for them. I am so
grateful that I can let go and laugh at things
and be free for an hour.
Whatistabooto you?
I would never say anything about my family or
my child that I would regret. I'm not doing
this to make money, believe it or not, or
have fame. I'm doing this to hopefully get
to a point where I have enough power in my
career to make a positive change and help
people. vessicakirson.com) ■
curve--- ...
the best-selling
lesbian
magazine
presents
flawles
Tying the
Together
-
tickets and more info at:
WWW. THETIEPARTY.COM
POLITICS
The Other Side of Power
The femmes fatales of the right leave us craving a progressive counterpart.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Many of us don't like to talk about it because
the reality is too painful to accept, but the
fact remains that when it comes to accepting
women in the higher echelons of politics, the
right has not only embraced the idea, it has
exalted it.
Meanwhile, the center~left-what used to
be the actual left-has consistently under~
cut women candidates, most recently in the
historic 2008 election when Hillary Clinton
was targeted more by the center~left than by
the right, despite winning the popular vote in
the primary.
That same election-for better or worsealso gave rise to the most recognizable women
2s
Icurve
in American politics today: Sarah Palin,
Michele Bachmann and Nikki Haley.
Palin did what no center~left candidate
had been able to do in 100 years: She started
a new political party and helped elect more
than 100 newcomers to political office.
Those Palin helped elect include Nikki
Haley, who is both the first woman and
first person of color to be governor of South
Carolina; and, at 39, she is also the youngest
governor in the country. Haley is roundly
considered a future presidential contender.
While progressives like me find the
Tea Party and the majority of its political
stances repugnant, there's no denying that
powerful women are a part of it-and that
the Democratic Party has no corresponding
female power base. Nancy Pelosi was in
many ways a disappointing speaker of the
House, because all too often she was unable
to fulfill her job requirement-opposing
the
Republican hierarchy.
Conversely, at press time, Bachmann was
running a very close second to Mitt Romney
in the Republican candidacy for president
While many of us have hoped that a womanNew York's Amy Goodman has been mentioned repeatedly in progressive circleswould challenge the Obama presidency from
the left, thus far no challengers at all have
come forward to offer us a progressive option.
Thanks to its lackluster leadership, which
is oppressively, stagnantly male, the centerleft is languishing.
Smart, savvy and soignee, the female
leadership on the right has ignited and excited
what had become in the Bush-Cheney years a
party of good ol' boys largely in the over-60
demographic. Rallies led by these women
have supercharged conservativeaudiences, who
see them as strong, beautiful and sexy-yet
as living their conservative politics. Younger voters have been wooed by
these women much the
way younger voters were
wooed by Obama.
John McCain may still
have regrets about choosing then-Alaska Governor
Palin as his vice-presidential running mate in 2008,
but American politics has
never been the same since
he did. Whether those to
the left of center want to acknowledge it or
not, Palin has had a powerful influence on
American politics in the three years since
Obama won the presidency.
From the outset, Palin's charisma was
equal to that evinced by Obama during the
election. She magnetized crowds. I witnessed this myself while covering an event
in Philadelphia during the campaign. I was
surprised to see how compelling a personality
she was, how able to reach out to people,
how charming to both men and women.
But beyond her charisma, Palin had a powerful political message. Those who disbelieve
that power should look at the November
2010 elections: Palin played a large part in
delivering Tea Party members into the halls
of Congress and into governors' mansions.
Some of the strongest candidates-Kenucky's Rand Paul and Florida's Mark Rubio
s well as Haley-credit her with campaign
upport that led them to victory.
But Palin's most dramatic political sucess was killing health care reform. It was
alin who single-handedly manipulated the
ebate by introducing the terms 'cleath panls" and "restrictions on care:' Palin first put
orth her argument in April 2009, but the
president and the Democratic maJonty in
Congress ignored her-to disastrous effect.
Within weeks, the fear-mongering aspects
of the debate were established and Palin and
the Republican congressional minority were
in control of it.
By the time President Obama got around to
discussing health care reform himsel£ nearly
a year had passed and vital
momentum had been lost.
The resulting reform package
were saying she should withdraw from the
race for the good of the party.
Cynthia McKinney's Green Party candidacy
for president receivednone of the media attention that Ralph Nader's had, yet McKinney
was a mainstream-left candidate. A former
member of Congress and a former member of
the Black Caucus with a strong background
We have no left-leaninggrassroots
movement,no GreenTea Party,
and we most definitelyhave no
femaleleadershipto fomentit.
did little for consumers
and voters rebelled at the
polls in November 2010.
Center-left bloggers and
punditsconsittentlyreferto
Palin, Bachmann and other Republican women
in leadership roles as 'crazy" and "stupid:' This
language attempts to negate the power these
women hold. It also reflects the disturbing
reality that there's scant acceptance of women
in leadership roles on the other side-our
side-of the aisle.
The Tea Party women are anything but
stupid; the sheer impact of their arguments
and the effort they put into their agenda is
clear evidence of that.
Those of us who are deeply engaged in the
politics of the left question why there is no
place for a Palin, a Bachmann, or a Haley on
our side. We have no left-leaning grassroots
movement, no Green Tea Party, and we
most definitely have no female leadership
to foment it.
If the center-left had supported Hillary
Clinton, she would be president today. After
she won the popular vote, many of the superdelegates deserted her for a charismatic rn:an.
Even when she won state after state, pundits
in civil rights, she was a feminist with a proqueer platform. In the general election, she
was the best choice for president, as I wrote
here at the time. Why was she ignored?
• Since Palin, Bachmann and Haley have
come onto the national scene, they have been
attacked with much of the same vicious, sexist
and anti-woman rhetoric that was hurled at
Clinton and McKinney. And like Clinton
and McKinney, they have found that many
of their attackers have come from the centerleft. (I will never forget-or forgive-Keith
Olbermann for saying during the 2008
primary that some superdelegate should
take Hillary into a back room and that only
he should come out. MSNBC forced him to
apologize.)
For us to get what we need from our leaders,
we need women as leaders. We on the left
need to promote female leadership as strongly
as those on the right have done. It's way past
time for us to have the strong female leadership we deserve. ■
October 2011
I 29
.HE TRUE IDENTITYof Wonder Woman
has now been revealed: Leslie Ezelle, a designer,
mother of four kids (and mom to three dogs, two
cats, two turtles and one hamster), former Dallas
Cowboys Cheerleader, wife to Libby-and a breast
cancer survivor. She is also the new face of gay, having
recently come out on episode 3 HGTV's Design Star
by mentioning her wife, and challenging mainstream
America's view of what a lesbian looks like, and what
a lesbian family looks like.
"It blew their minds, especially with the Dallas
Cowboys cheerleader thing," says the irrepressible
Texan. Ezelle's blended family (a daughter of her own
and Libby's three children from a previous heterosexual marriage) also made a splash in their Dallas
community, but that was to be the least of their challenges. "We got married in 2008 in Cape Cod, where
it's legal, and that same weekend the market crashed,
and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So,
wham, bam, thank you ma'am:'
Ezelle struggled for two years with six surgeries
and six weeks of radiation, but is still thankful. "I
always say I got the best type of breast cancer you can
get: it was found early... but I just kept getting handed
these cards, like, you're not done yet:' Ezelle suffered
through numerous infections and while in hospital,
she would put makeup on and hide the IVs; she even
had her hairdresser pay a visit and do her roots-for
the sake of the kids.
"I didn't want them to worry. It was depressing
and hard and we got through it and I started having
these soul-searching questions burning inside of me
about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted
a design show, combining my background in theatre
and my love of performing with what I do for a living,
which is design:'
Breast cancer ended up being a motivator for Ezelle:
"I wanted my kids to see that breast cancer will not
define me; I will come back from this, even better, and
do exactly what I want to do in life. I'm going after my
TWO LESBIAN BREASTCANCER
SURVIVORS ARE FIGHTING THE
DISEASE IN A CREATIVE WAY.
ST
BY MERRYN JOHNS
30
Icurve
GIVING
CANCER
ATKO
dream:' And did she ever. She got that design show,
and while others may regret their lifo being placed
under the microscope of reality TV, Ezelle relishes it.
"It's like walking around and having a soundtrack;'
she says-a boost except for when the camera "shows
all the pores in my nose;' she jokes.
But the design star hasn't stopped dreaming;
Ezelle wants more, all in the name of visibility-visibility for lesbians, lesbian families and breast cancer
survivors. Consequently, she was thrilled to be made
this year's Susan G. Komen Honorary Chairperson
for The Race for the Cure, and raised $30,000.00 in
just one month.
For this October, which is National Breast Cancer
Awareness Month, she has also embarked on her
most ambitious design project yet. She sat for a series
of photographs that evoke the iconic images of
Marilyn Monroe-except
this blond bombshell
wears a pink ribbon-as part of her goal to bring
sexy back, even after breast cancer. 'T ve been cut on
so many times I feel maimed. Like I'm not a woman.
You lose that part of yourself and you think you're
never going to get it back. But you can feel sexy after
breast cancer:'
And to symbolize this fighting spirit on a monumental scale she has put her artistic skills to use and
designed an eye-popping installation: a super-sized
bra, 13 feet high by 7 feet wide, made of metal straps
and hanging on a metal branch signifying the "tree of
life:' The bra sculpture, a symbol of feminine power,
will tour Dallas and hopefully the country, raising
awareness about breast cancer. Whether you are
a breast cancer survivor or not, Ezelle has this life
lesson for you: "Get busy living, for life is fragile!"
(komen.org)■
EATHER "COUGAR" PERRY, 35, was diagnosed
with stage 3 breast cancer in July 2010. And that wasn't
the end of the bad news: She also tested positive for the
BRCA2 gene mutation, which meant she was at high risk for
developing breast and ovarian cancer prior to menopause.
On August 3, 2010, she had a bilateral mastectomy (the
removal of both breasts) and removal of five lymph nodes
in her right armpit. She started aggressive chemotherapy
followed by radiation therapy, five days a week for six weeks
straight and then physical therapy to prevent lymphedema
and swelling in her my right arm. Her body is a battleground,
but she will not be defeated. To keep her spirits aloft, Perry
started the CHAMPION project, which documents her painful, yet powerful journey in a series of feisty photographs,
soon to be made into a book. "My objective with
CHAMPION is to put a face to cancer," says Perry. "When
I was diagnosed I wanted to see photos of other women
who had a double mastectomy without reconstruction and
were in my age group. I couldn't find any, so with the help
of my photographer and roommate, Bryce Ward, I started to
photograph my journey." The book is ready for publication
and Perry is looking for support and publicity. You can get
behind her project on her Facebook page, Champion: My
Photo Journey with Breast Cancer, and look out for her webpage which launches for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Perry has a heartfelt message for curve readers: "Know your
family's medical history on both your father's and mother's
side. And get a mammogram if you haven't had one yet.
This is especially important to women who have a history
of breast cancer in their family. Do not wait. It's all about
awareness, prevention and detection!" ■
October 2011 j 31
From coming out to claiming her
musical identity, the platinum-selling
pop star is blazing her own trail.
By Dave Steinfeld
"This morning, I felt like Fiver," muses Vanessa Carlton. We're discussing Watership Down, the novel
by English author Richard Adams, and she is referring to one of the book's main characters-a
rabbit
who's intuitive and anxious. Carlton's long-awaited fourth studio album, Rabbits on the Run, which
was released at the end of July, was partially inspired by the book. Rabbits is a beautiful record but
also a departure from her earlier work in certain ways. For one thing, it marks her debut for Razor & Tie
Records. But on a deeper level, the disc is less pop-oriented than most of Carlton's previous releases.
It's a lush, lovely album that almost seems like one long suite and that reeks of rural England more than
her adopted hometown of Manhattan. This is hardly surprising; Carlton recorded Rabbits with British
producer Steve Osborne in the English countryside-at
Peter Gabriel's Real World St,udios.
NG
rl NDI
Carlton, who is now 31, first
arrived on the pop music scene
in 2002 and was pretty much
an out-ofthe-box success. Her
debut album, Be Not Nobody, went platinum, propelled by
the infectious, irresistible hit, ''A Thousand Miles" and the
sophomore single, "Ordinary DaY:' Over the next couple
of years, Carlton became a bona fide
that moment, I felt comfortable about sharing
[my sexual orientation] with them. I felt like it
might comfort them to know that about me:'
"So that's where that came from;' Carlton
continues. ''And then, I kind of forgot about [it]. So there
was not some formality to that. [Coming out] was an
extremely organic moment. I don't think it's a big deal. But
there's other people that suffer greatly because of their
feelings. They're up against
serious challenges with their
family or their friends or
society. Everyone has their own series of challenges and
pressures. Maybe I can bring some comfort to these people,
I don't know:'
Rabbits on the Run doesn't deal directly with the singer's
sexuality but it is a personal effort nonetheless. Musically,
~:~::o!:,-,:;~=~::::n~~::;,
VANE5 5A
hit version of the Joni Mitchell classic
"Big Yellow Taxi" and dated Third Eye
Blind frontman Stephan Jenkins (whose past paramours
include Charlize Theron). Carlton also scored more hits,
including the wonderful "Nolita Fairytale;' an.ode to her
neighborhood in New York City.
But over the past few years, by her own admission,
Carlton has endured some rough times. She battled health
issues, ended her relationship with Jenkins and suffered
a bout of writers' block. She started reading more and
going out less. And in June of last year, she very casually
came out as bisexual while performing at Nashville
Pride. "When I play, I talk in between some of the songs;'
Carlton explains. ''And there were some kids [at the Pride
show], particularly in the front, that seemed to me to be
very much in pain. I don't know why. They were supportive of each other [but] they seemed like they had to fix
something or they were rebelling against something. In
~~
RLTON
;~:::i!i:u.hs~n:;,c::::r.::7!~:
and minor key melodies
to the ch1ldrens choir that
pops up in "I Don't Want to
Be a Bride;' the second song on the album. Lyrically, this
is even truer. The song that broke Carlton's case of writer's
block was, in fact, called "London:'
The album kicks off with "Carousel;' the first single and
a song that came to Carlton in a dream. "I woke up at 3:30
and it was really just a simple scale, just a little ascending
l__.,/ \
October 2011
I33
line;' she says and then sings the
chorus for me. "I thought that
was pretty good, so I went to my piano and put it quickly
on my laptop. And literally, the majority of the lyrics were
written right there in my bed with a beam oflight from my
Blackberry:'
The disc's most haunting song has to be "Hear the
Bells":
"December,crossingarms in Chinatown as the wind
starts to cut through/ Always, alwayson the lookout
but thepoison'srunningthroughyou/ My stomachaches,
try to concentrate/ Walk thestairsto thethirdfloor/ Now
I'm askingthe witchdoctor/ But the witchdoctorwon't
tell/ Hear the bells... "
Carlton says that "Hear the Bells"
may be her favorite track on Rabbits.
Explaining how the song came about,
she says, "I was suffering a lot physically.
I was very sick. And it was the kind of
thing where there was no clear remedy.
In hindsight, I think my mind made my
body sick. I've never said this before, but
"Hear the Bells"... It's kind of a map. The
lyrics draw out this map of a path that I
walked to figure out how to cure mysel£
The idea that the bells are there the
whole time is so simple and so relieving.
Because if your mind makes you sick,
your mind can make you better:'
During that time, Carlton discovered that she also had
fertility issues. "Even though I'm not ready to have a child,
I was at risk of not being able to have my own child-to
get pregnant. I'm completely open to the idea of adopting.
But I never thought it would hit me the way that it did
when the doctor said that I was seriously at risk unless I
take some things and change my lifestyle. It was devastat,
ing. I've changed fundamentally a lot of things in my life
and "Hear the Bells" kind of chronicles that path-that
kind of walk that I had to go
on to figure out how to make
things better. Every morning
to this day, I still boil a bag of
herbs that my witch doctor
gave me in Chinatown:'
She adds, "The notion [of
hearing the bells] is univer,
sal. You can say the bells are
something celestial, [that]
you're hearing something in
your mind that is pure and
healing and it's there with you
all the time. So much happens
when you choose to see things this way, and that's what
that song is about:' For the record, Carlton is feeling much
healthier now.
When I ask her about some of the women who have
been major influences on her, Carlton mentions everyone
from musicians like Stevie Nicks, Carole King and Rickie
Lee Jones to writers like Fran Lebowitz and Rebecca
Solnit to her mom. But the one woman in particular who
inspires her is Sofia Coppola. She tells me, "Sofia [has] a
very distinct aesthetic and it reflects through every facet of
her projects, down to the font and layout of [the] posters
for her films. I admire that clear thread that runs through
everything she creates. In order to do that, you have to be
very self,aware and understand
clearly what is honest to you and
what isn't. I've fumbled through a
lot of my own projects and made
a lot of compromises sound,wise
that don't reflect who I really am
at the core. With Rabbits,I figured
out how to preserve my aesthetic
from beginning to end. Sofia has
been doing it since the beginning
and I think that's amazing:'
One of Carlton's dreams, she
says, is to have Coppola direct
her video.
For the remainder of 2011,
Carlton will mainly be supporting
Rabbits with performances. And she plans to go back to
England again soon. Clearly,she was in her element making
the album there. "The weather there is like a down blanket;'
she says. "It was like going to the most lush music censer,
vatory in another time. Whatever dimension Lord of the
Rings was in-that's where I lived and worked for a year. (I
had] t?is perfect balance of work and being in nature and
being around people that were crafting beautiful things. It
really was heaven:' (vanessacarlton.com)
■
THE LYRIC5
DRAWOUT
THl5 M/\P Of
I\ Pl\TH THAT
I W/\Ll<EDTO
flGUREOUT
HOWTO CURE
MY5ELf.
34 I curve
hen you enter Traci Dinwiddie's home, you enter an artist's
wonderland. Color splashes from every wall, and music spills from her
computer. The rooms are filled with musical instruments and whimsical
objects. A dozen drums greet you at the door, and goddesses look down
from atop bookshelves, filled to capacity. The corners are occupied by
paintings, unframed canvasses leaning one against the other; pain, poetry
and celebration flow across their surfaces.
There's a pair of homemade stilts, a hula-hoop, poi balls, and reenact movie scenes. When Star Wars came along,
hand-puppets, a didgeridoo, a kung fu staff and a tutu.
I couldn't decide if I wanted to be Han Solo or Princess
"Who is this woman:"' I wonder. As we talk, I get my Leia. They were both bad-ass. It didn't dawn on me until
answer.
later that I could be both:'She laughs, and I notice a stick-on
'Tm a dancer;' she says. Dinwiddie's frame and carriage
moustache gracing a painting of a dancer.
convey the strong, graceful form of someone who respects
It was in a college theater class that acting really grabbed
and cherishes movement. "Well, I always wanted to be
Dinwiddie. "It was a spiritual experience for me to have
a dancer. I feel like my heart and soul are connected to
someone really seeing you, because you're using your body
dance. My artistry is informed by my body-wisdom:'
as a canvas. You're using every bit of yourself to create a
She's quick to say she's not a trained dancer, but to anystory, to reflect humanity:'
one who has seen her move, her training is
And oh, what a lovely canvas she has.
completely irrelevant. There are places where
Dinwiddie, who was recently considered
you can see a person's soul. For Dinwiddie, it's
From
for the television role of Wonder Woman,
when she's dancing.
Supernatural
is a West African drummer and certified
"Growing up I would dance every day in my
to Sapphic
yoga instructor. Let's just say Madonna
has nothing on her arms.
living room or roller skate in my basement, preromance' Traci
For real.
tending to be Olivia Newton John:' I imagine a
Dinwiddie has
And her voice?"Early on I was terrified
miniature version of this graceful woman glidearned her
ing around her basement singing "Xanadu:'
of my voice, because it was so loud and
Sadly, Dinwiddie 's career as a professional
cult following.
booming. I would actually cry when I
dancer started and ended with a ruptured disc
By Kristin
sang:'
on a movie set, dancing a piece choreographed
Flickinger
But she worked it out and found herself
by Paula Abdul. "I was wearing a 100-pound
in one of her favorite roles as Patsy Cline in
costume, and I felt it go:' The pain in her voice
Always... Patsy Cline in a theater producis palpable.
tion in Wilmington, N.C. Listening to her croon "Crazy;' I
Fortunately for her fans, Dinwiddie is multi-talented.
find myself smiling. I can't imagine a better fit. When she
She wasn't just dancing and skating in her basement. "My
talks about the role, she runs her hands over her body and
sister and I would make up amazing, fantastical stories
closes her eyes."It was like I was pregnant with Patsy:'
Dinwiddie doesn't just play a role, she becomes
the character. It's what inspires her about her craft.
When she played Patsy, her home was filled with
stacks of books about the singer. She watched
live performances and studied her mannerisms
and dialect. When she played Sara Leaves (Demi
Moore's psychotic kidnapper in Mr. Brooks), she
opted not to shave her legs and armpits. "I let myself be burly and took on this clingy,gritty energy. I
felt enthralled imagining her thoughts, journaling
from her perspective, seeing the world through her
lens:' Shivering, she continues, "I like to crawl into
TANTALIZING
36
I curve
a character-body, mind and soul-to flesh out a story:'
This ability to embrace a character fully has led to some
powerful roles. For her portrayal of Peyton Lombard in last
year's lesbian feature film by Nicole Conn, Elena Undone,
Dinwiddie has become a poster girl for lesbian romance.
And her role as bad-ass psychic Pamela Barnes in the television series Supernatural, has genre fans begging for more.
I ask what it's like to be a cult icon for both LGBT and
sci-fi/fantasy audiences.
"It's. So. Hot. I have the most loyal, rockin' fans a girl
could ask for. They're full of fiery interest in my work and
personal endeavors:'
Indeed they are. Just one look at her Twitter feed
(@GrooveGoddess) reveals rabid fans, male and female,
from all over the world hurling adoration and even the
occasional marriage proposal.
It's no wonder. Dinwiddie's spirit flows from her. There's
a deliberateness in her speech that
feels like she's telling her story for
the first time; a consciousness in
her communication reflecting the
life she chose after her first visit to
L.A.
''As much as I wanted to act in
L.A., my instinct told me it wasn't
time yet. I knew I needed to get
sober if I wanted to live a good,
groovy life. So I went back to North
Carolina, surrendered and grew:'
That's when she found drumming, yoga and Rumi. "It was like,
in that decade, a whole new life was
revealed to me. Poetry, music, dance,
drumming, community, healing:'
Sober life mingled with the
Southern charm of her upbringing,
and the irreverent goo~ness she
wears on her sleeve; Dinwiddie is
tender and beautifully compassionate. "I try to live by the wise words
of Rumi: 'Let the beauty we love be what we do: Rumi
also says, 'Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu,
Buddhist, Sufi, or Zen ... only that breath-breathing human
being: And to me, that's it. That's the bomb-diggity!"
She really means it. Even as a child, after she said her
prayers and climbed into bed, Dinwiddie would take
time to sing to the devil. ''All the depictions I saw made
him seem so sad and lonely. I wanted to cheer him up, so I
would sing to him:'
Now that's the bomb-diggity.
It's just about this time when I start considering a
marriage proposal of my own, and wonder aloud if she
believes in soul mates. "I do. I believe that some are meant
for short spurts of time and some are meant for lifetimes.
Soul mates come into your life to inspire you to love from
a place that is holy:'
Not only is she smart, beautiful and talented, this
woman is romantic. Is she seeing anyone?
''After many years of flying solo, I believe I've met my
match. Yes,I'm seeing a wonderful, romantic artist, and she
is fantastic:'
From where I sit, she's also incredibly fortunate.
What's next for Dinwiddie?
"Next is a continuation of pursuing acting, and developing my own web series; producing my first short film,
Anhedonia; taking on larger roles across the board as
producer or director with my own production company. I
want to tell meaningful and magical stories:'
May we suggest she start with a comedy about singing
to the devil. ( tracidinwiddie.com) ■
Country spirit:
Traci Dinwiddie
as music legend
Patsy Cline
October 2011
I37
October 2011 j 39
Hip Hop, Information Society, all that stuff. That was the
cool stuff back then.
HowdidyougofromDJingin thedormto DJingat Madonna's
wedding?
(Laughs] Right place at the right time! No, I don't knowI met someone who I'm very close with to this very day,
Ingrid Casares. She owned a club in Miami called Liquid
in the '90s. She knew a lot of celebrities and a lot of people
would frequent her club, she was the greatest creative support and friend, I owe a lot to her. She introduced me to
Madonna and the rest is history.
Haveyoufaceda lot of challenges
beinga womanin what's
stereotypically
a verymaledominated
field?
Yes. I still face those challenges, because I don't care what
anybody says, I'm not a girl that dresses halfnaked, I'm
about the music and I will go in tennis shoes and a T-shirt
if that's what I feel like, in that moment
Wasit hardforyouto suddenly
haveyoursexuality
outthere
becauseof yourrelationship
with KimZolciakon the Real
Housewives
ofAtlanta?
I was going through a lot of very personal hardships
already, so that certainly-it wasn't my choice, it wasn't
easy for me, but I really have no regrets in my life. What
Kim and I had in my opinion was something that was
special, and it ended unfortunately in a very ugly way
simply because of her choice to make those decisions and
me having little to no control over her choice. I mean, she
has a very public voice and although I do as well I kind of
chose to stay quiet through that whole thing. I don't know
if that was the right choice or the wrong choice, but looking
back maybe I wish I had done some things differently, but
at the same time Kim made me laugh at a time I was really
unable to for a lot of really personal reasons. She came into
my life for a reason and she's no longer in my life but I wish
her the best.
Arethereanymisconceptions
thatyouwouldliketo clearup?
I used to tell Kim this: if you are going to come out and
tell it, make it the whole truth and not just hal£ When she
did come out and talk about the relationship the perception
I had of the relationship was very different than her perception-and her public perception was different from the one
that happened behind closed doors. I've been in the closet
before in my life and I'm not going back in it. She really
didn't think about a lot before she did it, and I wish she had,
but it's over and I don't regret it. I've moved on and she's
moved on, she's got a family now, and I really have a love
for Kim. She's a good person but I'm in a different place
in my life.
Speaking
of a newplace,you'vemovedto NewYork.Howhas
thatchange
ofscenery
beenforyou?
I should've moved there sooner. I'm kind of back and forth
between Miami and New York. But I'm in such a New York
state of mind right now.
It's been great for me personally, I've made a lot of really
solid new friendships and as far as career-wise, I'm working
with Astrid Suryanto, we're working on an album. I'm
doing radio every week on XM on Electric Area, I'm doing
podcasts, I'm starting another radio show. I'm also working
on some TV stuff. It's been really, really inspirational but
what New York has done for me has been getting me back
to the roots of my music.
I hearyouhavea clothing
lineintheworks.
I had a clothing line in Miami. I had the Ed Hardy factory
produce all these T-shirts and it was a really cool thing and
I really thought I had something going. Then the economy
took a nosedive and I lost my shirt. No pun intended.
(Laughs] Anyway, I learned about Cafe Press and ... it was
a good way to relaunch.
What'snextforyou?
I really want to see this clothing line take of£ I really want
to put out my own original music and collaborations with
the people I've met over the years, a lot of the pop singers
and remixes I've done. I want to transform myself into an
original producer more than a mixer. I think I've remixed
everyone under the sun except for J-Lo, so I've got to make
that happen before I stop. I'd like to finish something, how
about that? ( tracyyoung.com)
■
40
I curve
are
e esb1ans
scene
p win equal rights and change the course of
Which lesbians are enhancing our visibility and
challenging stereotypes about what lesbians look like?
e often un
g heroines
•
re
eF
==========================================
the activist
entrepreneur
Judy Dlugacz runs the largest lesbian-feminist company in the world.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
As a cofounder and the longtime president of Olivia
Companies, LLC, Judy Dlugacz has spent nearly four
decades providing lesbian~feminist entertainment for
hundreds of: thousands of women worldwide. And she's
done it with a core staff she calls "small and mighty:'
"Olivia is the largest lesbian business there is in the
world," Dlugacz says with understandable pride. "There is
nothing larger. It's pretty amazing. Our 40th anniversary
is next year:'
Olivia began in the early 1970s with a commitment to
creating change-for women, but for lesbians in particular.
In 2011, that remains Dlugacz's mission.
"I've always considered myself a political activist;' she
asserts. "When we started Olivia there were 10 of us. I
was 20 years old. We were activists and we were radical
and we believed that the world would change and that we
would make it happen:'
Dlugacz wants succeeding generations to understand
just what inspired her to create Olivia, a company she refers
to repeatedly as "she:' "It's really important to teach the
history. We want younger women to know how Olivia
started and how she became what she is today:'
The process so many lesbians are familiar with-a
lesbian group gets together and tries to run a company
entirely with volunteers-was
exactly what the Olivia
founders wanted to avoid.
"When we did that-all volunteers with other jobswe all burned out, eventually, and things fell apart. But if
we could make a living and create jobs and a financial basis
to build on ... " then the business could continue to develop
and expand and become a force to be reckoned with.
As the Olivia collective's business concept was evolving,
a .singer~songwriter who is now a legendary music icon
appeared in their lives.
"Cris Williamson comes to town and the idea then
became (to] bring our activism together and create a
movement;' says Dlugacz. "And we did. We helped create
a movement, a place where people-women,
lesbianscould come together. I was the youngest and no one was
over 30 and we started the company with no money, but
now here we are, 40 years later:'
42
Icurve
Music was Olivia's first passion, and Williamson and
Meg Christian, recording for Olivia Records, were the
first big stars in what has come to be known as the women's
music movement.
"We loved it. And if we loved it, so would everybody
else;' said Dlugacz. "With our single vision we started the
record company. We produced over 40 albums from 1975
to the mid~'90s:'
At 26, Dlugacz was Olivia's sole remaining founder,
and the political organization she had started was becoming
a thriving business. But the road to success was fraught
with sexism and homophobia.
"We had this impossible task;' she explains, "to get
recognized. I couldn't always say it was a lesbian record
company because that word scared people:'
In 1982, Olivia marked her 10th anniversary with the
biggest concert in her history, according to Dlugacz, a
spectacular event at Carnegie Hall. But this huge women's
music concert garnered a scant "inch and a half in the
New York Times:' Recognition, yes, but not at the level
Dlugacz wanted.
"No matter what we did, we couldn't get mainstream
attention:'
Fast-forward to the present and Dlugacz says it's still
the case; many women and the business community at
large may not even be aware of Olivia, although Dlugacz
has a mailing list that includes thousands of women.
The company has grown and changed over the years,
morphing into a different kind of lesbian entertainment
business, one that now features a large variety women-only
travel and adventure packages and cruises. Olivia's latest
project is a retirement community. But as always, it's all
about the women.
"I greet everyone who comes on one of our cruises;'
Dlugacz states, "and I tell them, 'This is how it should be:"
Community events where a handful of women feeling
the love would pack the pews and folding chairs in church
basements and small neighborhood halls to listen to the
likes of Holly Near and Sweet Honey in the Rock, have
now become enchanting cruises and adventurous trips
where hundreds, even thousands, of women in their 20s
to their 80s experience a safe, secure, lesbian-only worldhowever briefly.
Olivia's travel programs include as few as 45 women on
a Galapagos Islands adventure, to as many as 2,000 women
on a cruise. Dlugacz says 115,000 women have taken
over 160 trips with the company-to
destinations that
range from the Caribbean to Europe, the Mediterranean,
Scandinavia, Russia, Antarctica and even, when the area
was less volatile, the Middle East.
Dlugacz's mission with the cruises and adventure travel
is not just to embrace all kinds of women but to take them
into places where their mere presence is a political event.
"A couple thousand women descending on a town and
spending money makes it clear how lesbians can build
your economy;' she explains, noting that many local newspapers have written up the arrival of the Olivia women in
countries such as Greece and Turkey.
Getting lesbians recognized as an economic power base
is part of Dlugacz's plan. Maintaining a lesbian-feminist
philosophy is another. "Originally, that's how it was.
Women came out because of lesbian feminism. Some of
them were born gay and some of them were not:'
Today, Dlugacz continues to choose a life that revolves
around empowering women and expanding Olivia. "Our
success is about being able to change and grow;' says
Dlugacz. And four decades of women touched by Olivia's
magic can only agree. (olivia.com)■
44
I curve
the•
spin
doctor
Media maverick Cathy Renna
wants us to harness our power.
By Merryn Johns
~~
::~::,~:i~:a~i:;::::pe;;s~~thy
for the LGBT community is more than
just a career-it's
a calling, and she is a
force to be reckoned with. After working
with GLAAD for 14 years-during
which time she played a critical role
•
in the shaping of the media coverage
of the death of Matthew Shepard and
successfully countering the anti-gay
rhetoric of the church officials following
its abuse scandal-Renna
went on
to found Renna Communications, a
public relations firm which specializes
in representing LGBT and progressive
organizations, and which allows
her to continue to be a powerful
spokesperson for justice and equality
for the queer community.
You"ve
beenat theforefront
ofgivingLGBTissues
prominence
for two decades.
Whichstory,event
orcausemostinfluenced
thepoliticaldialogue?
It is really almost impossible to choose after all
these years. I have been so privileged to be at
the center of many historic moments. And they
have been a real mix-from helping organize the
"come out with Ellen'' screening in Birmingham,
Ala. in 1997 when the lone ABC affiliate there
refused to air the coming out episode to all
the work I did related to the murder of Matt
Shepard-and
many other victims of hate
crimes-to the amazing 2006 experience with
~============================================I
et========
values is the biggest obstacle. We are a country in denial.
We use sex to sell everything but we don't want to talk
about it. We glorify youth in ways that feel exploitative
and inappropriate to me. We force a binary in terms
of gender identity and expression that is stifling and
unhealthy. The superficiality of so much of our
culture is a challenge in my work in many ways,
especially in terms of the glorification of celebrity
for the sake of celebrity. We certainly have a longer
way to go than places like Europe, where there is far
less prudishness and more openness to fluidity in all
parts of people's lives.
Gainscanbe madebylobbying,
butwithgaymarriage
in NewYorkit was Governor
Cuomoand backroom
powerbrokerswhogotthingsdone.HowcantheLGBT
community
itselfbemorepowerful?
We need pressure on the outside and behind the
scenes. What I admired most about Cuomo was that
he took a leadership role and also got the organizations to work together better. If we were more able to
work together-simply work better together and"play
nicely"-we would be much more powerful. If we
were less fractured into identities and more inclusive
of the diversity in the LGBT community we would be
much more powerful.
Thereare vast powerdifferencesbetweenthe four
maingroupsthat makeup the LGBTcommunity.
How
canwe createa moreequalbalanceof power?
There are four things that need to happen. One, we
must, as members of the groups you describe, claim
and own our power and be as visible as possible.
Two, we must engage allies. I have had the honor of
people thinking at different times that I am bisexual,
a leather dyke, a devout Catholic, and Jewish. I am
actually
none of those ... but I am an ally that speaks up for /
hundreds of LGBT families at the White House Easter
all
the
diverse
parts of our community without judgment
/
Egg Roll to the recent marriage victories on Washington
and
with
love
and
respect.
We
must
speak
up
for
and
deD.C. and New York. But the truth is there are so many
smaller moments that mean as much to me-getting a mand inclusion of our brothers and sisters who often do
transgender Point Foundation scholar on the front page not have as much of a voice. Third, and this is a tough one:
we must have the powerful gay white men-and frankly
of her small hometown paper, watching a child talk about
anyone else who harbors the cultural stereotypes and
their family in a way that cannot help but move those who
think our families are more different than we are alike, misinformation about bisexual, transgender and otherslook at their privilege and own issues and try and come
media training and empowering the parents of LGBT
to a different place. Finally, the biggest challenge for all of
youth to speak out and become advocates or getting an
us: we must be willing to "live in the grey:' Things are not
email from someone who has seen me on TV and said, "I
always up and down or black and white. Life-and
never thought about it that way:' I am truly blessed to not
only do what I love and enjoy but know that it makes a biology, sexuality, gender etc.-is a spectrum.
Simple answers are the refuge of those who are afraid of
difference in ways large and small.
EachyearLGBT
rightsinchforwardbutAmerica
stilllagsbehind difference and unwilling to challenge their assumptions.
therestoftheWestern
worldintermsofcomprehensive
LGBT My hope is chat we, as LGBT people, can help the rest of
the world become a place where people simply are who
rights.Whatis thebiggestobstacle?
they are, without judgment or labels. We should be at the
People forget we are a young country-the
colonized
vanguard, and in many ways we are, but we could do
America, not the Native American and First Nations peobetter. (rennacommunications.com) ■
ple. I think the way our culture is saturated with puritanical
/
/
~,
======================================
Moon was a commercial success, but the advent of Netflix
.t e
image
and the Internet has made it almost impossible to create
lesbian films without going bankrupt.
The week Elena Undonewas released it only took four
hours for the movie to be downloaded in 10 parts 30,000
times. Conn says of the pirating, "You're sitting there, dying
inside, chinking, I could've sold that for $14.99 or what,
ever and it would fund the next movie. Ir's really horrific
because we aren't in chis to make money because there is
no money to be made. We just want to be able to feed our
kids and continue making good movies:'
Skeptics of the viability of lesbian cinema contend that
lesbians simply do not go to the movies, which makes the
idea of making a film for the lesbian community a financial
black hole. Whether or not that is true, the numbers of
people supporting gay and lesbian films financially are low.
This leaves lesbian filmmakers with two choices-crowd
funding, or making bigger films with lesbian themes that
market to the mainstream (here's looking at you, The Kids
Are All Right).The problem?"Then you have a community
saying, 'Why aren't you making films for us?'" Conn says.
"It's a vicious cycle:'
A Peifect Ending was going to be made no
matter what. The idea for the film came from
Conn's partner. "Marina tells me stories all the
time. She has very high concept ideas that cost
a ton of money to make so every time she's like,
'Do you want to hear my new idea?' I'm like, Yeah, yeah
whatever." One of the stories she came up with was the
basic premise for A Peifect Ending, which so compelled
Conn she wrote it in 48 hours. "I wrapped the script up as
a gift and gave it to Marina. She loved it and said, 'Lee's
go get the money.' And I was like, Where?" The pair
campaigned for the film on Kickstarter and what began
as an intimate character sketch of two people grew into a
feature film backed by 600 people.
As for the release date of the film, Conn says, "We're
hoping for Sundance as Sundance only will do a premiere.
We're hoping. I shouldn't even say'hoping: We're going to
premiere at Sundance in January 2012 and then in general
release shortly thereafter:'
Conn's production company, Soul Kiss Films, has a sin,
gular goal-make films chat empower women."Someone
asked me, 'How does it feel to be Nicole Conn?' And I'm
like, I don't even know what you're talking about because I
feel like a normal person and a mom with lots ofkids ... but
I chink the one thing that I have been able to do success,
fully is convey emotion and that's really why people want
to go to the movies. That, and romance. I think people are
embarrassed and shy to say they like a good romance but
I think they do:'
maker
Driven filmmaker Nicole Conn
empowers and entertains lesbians.
By Jillian Eugenios
Nicole Conn has been caffeinating late in the day. She is in
the final moments of post,production on her latest film,
A Pe,fect Ending.''I've been working around the clock but
the film has turned out so amazing I don't care;' she says.
"I am so jazzed. I can't believe what we have on our hands:•
She has produced the film with her partner, Marina Rice
Bader, with whom she also shares six kids. Nicole Conn is
familiar with epic projects: she's responsible for the land,
mark lesbian films Claireof the Moon and Elena Undone,
the latter of which holds cinema's record for the longest
on,screen kiss, clocking in at three minutes and 24 seconds.
Conn was named one of the top 10 women in show
business in 2004, a secure spot in the often contentious
world of filmmaking-especially independent, niche film,
making like lesbian cinema-possibly because Conn gets
things done and makes her movies any way possible. A
Pe,fect Ending was funded entirely on the crowd,funding
website Kickstarter.
But as a filmmaker today, the odds are against Conn.
Back when Claireof theMoon was released, in 1992, women
So why not promise Nicole Conn you'll grab your honey
were throwing money at her because the last lesbian film (and a little money) and go see A PeifectEnding?We hear
to come out had been Desert Hearts in 1985. Claireof the it's premiering at Sundance. (aperfectendingmovie.com)
■
46
I curve
~fighter
Why would women want to hurt each other (and we're
not talking about the rough-and-tumble of the consensual bedroom or the occasional game of hockey)? We're
talking about the wild world of women's mixed martial
arts, a combat sport that involves kicks, throws, elbows,
knees, grappling and submissions. Mixed martial arts
(MMA), also known as cage fighting-think
of an allgirl version of the Ultimate Fighting Championship-is
a combination of boxing, dirty boxing, kickboxing,
karate, judo, wrestling and jujitsu. Sound scary? Tami
Carswell is one woman with an investment in this type
of physical power.
'J\nywhere the fight goes you better be ready to throw
down, especially against any of my fighters!" says Carswell,
an MMA veteran-turned-coach.
Although women's MMA is essentially the same sport
as men's MMA, the UFC doesn't have a women's division
and Carswell claims that Dana White, the president of
the organization, has publicly stated that women will
never fight in the UFC. White appears now to be backpedaling, citing a lack of female talent as the reason why
he is unable to create a spot for women on "The Ultimate
Fighter," his popular show on Spike TV. Could this
alleged lack of talent possibly have to do with a lack
of opportunity?
Meanwhile, as women fighters are pushing for
the growth of women's MMA on their own,
Carswell is preparing to bring a series of
shows to the Ease Coast. She is partnering with Black Eye Promotions'
Janee Martin, whose her mother
told her she couldn't wrestle
as a kid ( take that, Mom),
and Bonnie Canino, a trailblazer in women's combat
sports. "Bonnie, like many
ocher females at chat time,
was turned away from boxing
gyms and got her start through
karate and then kickboxing," explains Carswell. "Women's MMA
is not just a sport-it
is a political
movement for equal rights:'
It stands to reason chat if women
want the same rights as men-in spores
Lesbian MMA
coach Tami Carswell
lives a warrior's life.
By Merryn Johns
and in war-they'll
get hurt. "Yes, women hurt each
other;' says Carswell. "It's combat, and my motto for my
fighters is: Make them miss and make chem pay!"
Carswell knows a little something about that. She
first fell in love with boxing in California when, during
a sparring match against a coach-who had just taught
her some basics-she threw an uppercut and gave him a
black eye. "That was the best feeling ever for me, and I was
hooked:' But she has also been on the receiving end.
Training for a professional MMA fight, she was up
against a male wrestler who performed an intense body
slam during practice. "My clavicle came out of the shoulder
socket and ripped through the ligaments attaching it to
my shoulder," recalls Carswell. "It floats above the shoulder
now:' Thanks to that encounter, she is on a lifelong rehabilitation and maintenance routine that includes swimming
miles of breaststroke and doing endless upper-back lifts.
These days, coaching and promoting the sport are her
focus. A certified USA Amateur Boxing coach as well as a
professional boxing coach, she runs Dynamic MMA and
Boxing in Davie, Fla., and works with the American Top
Team academy in Coconut Creek, Fla., where some of the
world's best fighters train. Carswell will train anybodyher students range from those whose goal is physical
fitness to those who want to fight at the highest level.
She is out and has male fighters who are proud to have a
lesbian coach.
Even though MMA fighters risk serious bodily harm,
does the sport really deserve the negative press it sometimes receives? "It supports a lot of people's viewpoints
around it being too hard for the female body;' says
Carswell. "The sport is violent, people get hurt, and it is
possible to be seriously injured or die in the cage or ring.
If you understand what you are signing on for, then you
should be able to do what you want:' Pugilism, she believes,
should be open to any woman, straight or gay, who wants
to explore her physical power, just the way she has done.
"You have to do superhuman stuff in your training before
you even get on stage;' she says.
Charlene Strong's journey
led her from widow,
to marriage equality hero.
By Sarah Toce
t,
The world came to know
~4/1 Charlene Strong following the
tragic death of her wife, Kate Fleming.
In 2006 Fleming was trapped by a flash
''Women's MMA.is not just
a sport-it is a political
movement for equal rights."
flood in their home's basement-despite
the efforts of both Strong and the
emergency firemen called to the scene.
But it was what followed at the hospital,
when Strong was denied access to
her dying wife until she was given
permission by an out-of-state relative,
that turned Strong, then a dental office
Warning: You might lose a few lovers along the way.
Carswell is currently single because her last partner
"loved me so much but didn't love my lifestyle:' While she
says partners should never be jealous of her dedication
to those she coaches, she will admit to crushes on, and
chemistry with, those she has met in the ring. "When I
have fought or even sparred with anyone, there is a love
or a respect of that other person involved. I can say that
some of the hardest punches I ever ate really turned me
on at the same time:'
However you characterize women who enjoy violent
sports, Carswell sees them as "tough-ass ladies doing
their thing and working their sport despite the world.
You would not believe the sacrifices some women make
to even be able to fight. Any given female putting it all
in the cage or the ring after doing all the work it takes to
get there has changed so many lives. A powerful woman
trumps all, in my opinion:' (wjighter.com)■
48
Icurve
manager, into an activist powerhouse.
Strong put a face on the need for
marriage equality and her moving story
was the basis for the award-winning
documentary for my wife ... and was
essential in helping to defeat a proposed
repeal of domestic partnership rights
in her home state, Washington, in
2007. Today Strong is the Human
Rights Commissioner for the State of
Washington, and continues to fight for
equality by sharing her story around
the country and through her writing as
the newly appointed co-editor of the
online magazine, The Seattle Lesbian.
~===================================19======
the
1°
d
0
•~
WIIe
It's beenalmostfiveyearssinceyourwifepassedawayand
thesubsequent
releaseof yourfilm.Describe
whatchanged
foryousincethattime?
Everything changed after Kate's death. I lost not only Kate
that night, but lost my home and my cats went to live with
friends and it was just my little dog and me. I lived with
friends who helped me through the first two months and
then helped me see that I could move out into an apartment. I said once the world did not even smell the same,
and it was true. My world was wrapped up in a little house
with a beautiful woman and four furry friends. I was very
wrapped up in my studies to become an interior designer
and had plans to quit working to finish my studies and
then Kate was killed and well, I guess the motivation of
making a living as a designer does not hold the same passion
anymore. I joke that I am now trying to make the world
beautiful in a different way.
Howhaveyouhadto adjustto a lifein thespotlight?
Honestly, I really never think of myself as in the spotlight
and that is something I will never think is important. I
do feel very shy when folks recognize me and thank me
for my work. It is very strange when someone figures out
who I am and then starts to weep; I find myself wanting
to comfort them. The story of Kate's death was unimaginable and for folks I think it just hits them hard. Most tell
me they think of me often and that feels very comforting,
on one hand to know that I have that much kindness and
good energy coming my way. I do wish I could just have
one hour to sit with Kate and talk to her about all of this
and let her know I am fine.
Howdoyouprotectyourprivatelifeaftera tragedy?
· This has been the hardest part of my work-folks think
they know me. I have my core group of friends who really
know what a goof I am and that I am really not any
different than before; I think my friends have just learned
a new side of me. I don't think any of them had a clue my
life would change this much, and we all sometimes just
scratch our heads and wonder. Referendum 71 was our
Prop. 8 in Washington, the same old tired argument that
our state rights looked a bit too much like marriage. A
commercial was made talking about what happened with
Kate and I pretty much could not walk down the street
without someone figuring it out.
I have since met a woman, a dear friend of many years
and we started to care for each other and she and I married
during the campaign. We found out a week later that we
won in Washington State and I think I cried an entire day
from joy and exhaustion. So, to answer your question I am
very protective of my family and my private life.
Whatinspires
youto persevere
andfightforciviljusticeeven
whentimesarehard?
When I show the film and folks sit stunned and I see the
"aha" moment in their eyes, I don't think I have all the
answers, but I do have the fight in me and as long as I can
continue to push the envelope and poke around and stir
the pot and encourage others to do the same, that is why I
stay inspired. (charlenestrong.com, theseattlelesbian.com) ■
I
Caitlin Ryan has a mission to
create acceptance within families.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Echoing a line from Pink's song "Perfect;' Caitlin Ryan
wants to "change the voices in the heads" of LGBT adoles,
cents-she wants them to like themselves and she wants
their families to like them, too. When Ryan talks about
her work, you hear the fervor of a religious zealot balanced
with the pragmatism of a world,class CEO.
"I feel a profound sense of commitment, but I struggle;'
she admits. It's a matter of faith to her, this belief that LGBT
kids and their families really want and need one anotherand so, as the founder of the LGBT Family Acceptance
Project, revisiting preconceived messages about queerness
is what she does, on the road across America, across the
border into Latin America, and across the world.
It's controversial work, especially in the current "it
gets better" climate. "So many p~ople working with LGBT
adolescents were wounded by their families;' she explains.
That has set a whole construct in motion where people
working with LGBT adolescents view the families of those
kids as the enemy, because that was their own experience.
"The messages we give our youth are pretty hopeless;'
she asserts. Ryan understands where those messages are
coming from; she just thinks there's another message to
deliver, one that reinforces the bonds of community and
family."What we really need to be doing is nurturing fami,
lies, so they can nurture their kids:'
Ryan had decades of social work, community organizing
and theoretical introspection to bolster her position and
her mission. A graduate of the prestigious Smith College
School for Social Work-a
school that she couldn't
initially get into as someone who was openly a lesbianshe's now got the alphabet after her name (PhD ACSW)
to help make people listen. But she's no mere clinician,
peering at her subjects through a microscope. Her passion
for queer kids and their families is what drives her.
''I've always been a thinker;' Ryan says. "I felt that I
had to learn and absorb. But 40 years of being in the field
has given me the ability to synthesize [those] ideas:' The
the
e
50
Icurve
LGBT Family Acceptance Project evolved out of that
thoughtfulness. Years of working with families as a com,
munity organizer in Appalachia, and then in communities
in Atlanta that were just being touched by the AIDS pan,
demic, has given her a multiplicity of ideas about how to fix
the broken places.
Ryan sees today's trend to isolate LGBT youth from
pretty much everyone else as problematic."We are all about
creating separate spaces for youth. LGBT youth are being
served today by separating them from their families:'
What they really need, insists Ryan-and she says that
this is especially true for youth of color who are struggling
with racism, and for girls who are struggling with sexismis to feel they are linked to their own communities and
families.
The work Ryan is doing isn't just groundbreakingit's monumental. Before she did it, no one had actually
studied what happens within families when adolescents
come out. It's complicated, but it doesn't have to end in kids
disowning their families or parents telling their kids that
it's wrong to be queer. But those who work with kids and
families need re,education, Ryan asserts.
"Even providers today don't understand;' she says."They
a,
================================================I
t:::::=====
say,'Kids don't really understand their identities; and this
just supports the idea that many families have that this is
just a phase. Families need to understand that this per~
ception just makes kids feel bad about themselves and
their identities:'
Ryan has traveled around the U.S. and done outreach
in China, Latin America and Spain, teaching family inter~
vention strategies to adolescent mental health and family
services organizations. She gives families the information
they need to understand their LGBT kids and to show
them what their gender~variant children need. In the past
year, she has trained about 15,000 people.
The training is vital, explains Ryan, because "messages
that young people are receiving about their families are
negative. They hear things like, 'As a clinician, I know that
your parents don't understand you: Parents just need
educating about how their negative feelings about gender
variance are impacting their children;' she says.
There are many reasons to solidify the bond between
LGBT youth and their families, and have family members
deal with their negative feelings-especially i£ for example,
it is a family of color and the family is dealing with racism.
"Once these families find out about our objective research,
they start to realize that their negative attitude is actually
undermining their kids. It's a change maker:'
Ryan is at times overwhelmed by the sheer breadth of
what she wants to accomplish. "This is the most hopeful
work I have ever done, the most inspiring;' she says.
Because if she achieves her goal of making LGBT kids
and their families whole again, it will indeed get better. ■
October 2011
I51
=======================================
,
fabulous
.ernan
d
a
Sexy fitness and reality star Fernanda Rocha on love,
life and the American Dream. By Rachel Shatto
With Fernanda Rocha, everything is big: her smile, her personality, her love for the ladies
and-biggest
of all-her
dreams. The fitness-lifestyle
guru and breakout star of The Real
Housewives of Orange County didn't get where she is, at 34, by shying away from risk. Eleven years
ago, Rocha rolled the dice, leaving the familiarity and security of her home in Brazil and immigrating
to the United States to follow her dreams-despite
the fact that she barely spoke a word of English.
And the gamble has paid off handsomely. Today, she sits atop a fitness empire built on the Brazilian
philosophy of Jiinga-"lt
means good energy, good attitude," she says. Her business ventures
include a fitness DVD series, a clothing line (called Jiinga Brasil) and The Art of Fitness, her gym in
Laguna Beach. So, look out, Jillian Michaels-there's
Whatwasyourlifelike,growingupin Brazil?
My family was a vety simple family. I always had to work to
get what I wanted. But I was filled with love and support
from rµy parents ... they always let me do what I wanted to
do-in the sense that I'm a big dreamer. I always come up
with crazy stuff in my mind, and I really go for it and they
always allowed me to be who I am in that sense. I think
that's why I'm here today.
Wasit alwaysyourdreamto cometo America?
I remember watching TV and thinking, One day, I want to
be in the United States. All the students in the huge green
52
Icurve
a new sexy queer fitness maven on the scene.
grass, everybody looks so pretty, beautiful.
I always had the desire to learn more about fitness, so
when I got to the point where I was teaching for many years
back in Brazil and doing well in my career, I just decided,
well, I think I want to go to the United States and I want to
study a little bit more and see if I can get some experience.
So I saved my money and out of the blue I told my friends
and family that I'm going to the USA.
Whenyoufirstcameto America
youweremarriedto a man.
Whendidyoucomeout?
In my mind, I thought that I had to be with a great person,
a great man-that's how it should be. I knew that I had an
attraction to girls since I was young, but I never allowed
myself to do anything, to go there. I met a wonderful guy
and we got married, but one year into the marriage I was
unhappy, and I came and I talked to him ... I just said, I'm
not the right person, I don't think were going to be happy.
So I got divorced, and after that and during that process,
I started going out and meeting interesting people, really
taking time to listen to my inner voice saying I think I
think I like girls and I'm going to allow myself to go there.
And I started a relationship that lasted almost six [years]
and it was incredible- I feltlike I was really being myself
Didyouhaveanytroublecoming
outtoyourfamily?
Actually, my family in Brazil, they just found out in
March of this year. And there was a very intense conver~
sation. They didn't know-they said they had no idea. ·
I came to them from a very happy place, and told them
that I'm a happy person, nothing has changed, the only
difference is that I like girls and I want to have a life and
create a life with a woman. It was very shocking and sad
asthesayinggoes,justfriends?
We are friends and we had a good connection, good energy
together, and that's it.
Wereyou happywith the way you were portrayedon the
show?
process the idea.
It was a great opportunity, great adventure, a new thing
CanyoutellusaboutyourDVDseries?
This is my second DVD, and I'm just working on the new for me to be involved in. I wish they could have shown
series. It's going to be on TV, it's going to be all over the parts of my life-they have all the footage-but at the end
of the day I understand how the reality show works, and
place and were very excited.
they chose one storyline that I was a little bit surprised
Whatis it aboutfitnessthatyou'resodrawnto?
I connect with health-mind and body-and so it's like a (with], but it is what it is.
lifestyle. It's not only about the body, the shape, but how the Soyouthinkyou'llbebackforthenextseason?
mind works, so that's how I train and how I train clients. I have a contract with Bravo and I can't talk about farther
It goes beyond teaching them how to lose weight-it goes down the line and what's going to happen ... ! hope I have
the chance one day for the viewers to really get to know
more with how you're feeling about yourself
who
I am.
On TheRealHousewives
of OrangeCounty
youweresingle.
What's
nextforyou?
Datinganyonenew?
For
me
it's really the big dream-well, I have two big
Well, I am meeting a lot of interesting people, yes I am.
dreams-so,
number one I guess is just to put all my busi[Laughs] I'm dath1g but I'm not committed yet and I'm
ness-my
clothing
line, the gym, the DVDs-together
not in love. I'm allowing myself right now to connect with
and
let
that
fl.ow,
and
then keep growing. The next one
someone. I want to find love again, be in love and build a
is
to
find
a
partner
and
have
a family,maybe a few bambinos,
family with someone.
and
that's
it-and
be
happy
and enjoy my life by the beach.
Ontheshowit lookedlikemaybethatsomeone
couldbeyour
(fernandafitness.com)
■
co-starTamraBarney.
Therewasa kiss,butareyouguysreally,
for my family, but I didn't expect them to accept or embrace
(it] right away. I knew it was going to take them a little
time-it's a very powerful new concept. I know they have
so much love for me and I know they just need time to
October 2011
I53
living out loud
for kids and teens. If you haven't already experienced Lori Michaels at lesbian events such as Girl
Splash in Provincetown and Womenfest in Key West, get ready to "partay" now.
Youconsistentlyleavelesbianswantingmoreat your live Stephanie Stokes-I totally had che ring facing che wrong
performances.
What'sthesecretof yourappeal?
way! I chink [co-producer/ director] Gabrielle Lindau
I believe it's important to sway if you're gay, if only for held back from saying"cuc"because she really just couldn't
today, seduce and stay loose and remember chat che best
believe I could mess something like chat up. [Laughs]
ching in life are usually kept secret.
As for romance and marriage-I know chat I stand up
Yourdanceact Me& TheGirlsofferssomething
sexyforles- for and support the right to marry the one you love. I've
bians.Youclearlybelieveyouraudience
is readyforraunch.
also been known to stand back and support divorcing che
Even before Justin Timberlake brought sexy back, I one you can no longer stand. Ac this point, my partner and
brought sexy out with Me & The Girls. I just love to see I are boch happy wich where we are, but I would certainly
people having a good time and comfortable enough with
consider marriage-in che future.
chemselves cojust "parcay" and have fun. If chat means not
Yourfriendship
with RealHousewives
of NewJerseybadgirl
caking yourself coo seriously and just letting loose for a bit,
Danielle
Staubattracted
press.
Whatwasreallygoingonthere?
well then, yes-by all means-let your sexy out!
I met Danielle at Nokia Theatre in N.Y.C. after a perYourmusicvideo"TheRight"portraysyouproposing
to your formance. At that time, I never even watched The Real
girlonbendedknee.Something
youwantto tell us?
Housewives of New Jersey, but Sasha A. Mess ["Meet Me
I was for sure on my knees in che video-bur if you must
Ac The Parcay") was a huge fan, so we talked and she was
know, when I was holding the ring out in front of mekind enough to cake pies with us. I gave her my CD only
to present to my lovely co-producer and leading lady, later to find out when we met again-completely
by
54
Icurve
accident-that
she remembered
me, but I don't think she even ever
listened to my CD. [Laughs]. Her
daughters were there, and I saw her
youngest daughter [Jillian] with
her journal and Danielle told me
that Jillian is an aspiring singer/
songwriter. I offered her the oppor,
tunity to come and check out
JAMBOX Recording Studios in
N.Y.C. with no strings attached.
Danielle called me, brought Jillian to the studio and I ended
up writing a song for Jillian. Danielle then decided she
wanted to sing as well-she finally had listened to my music
and wanted to do my duet"Real Close" with me. Next thing
I know ... we are live on Bravo with Andy Cohen performing
"Real Close" and things took off from there. Basically, we
were all over the place and I became very involved with
her team and her family. But now, I really don't see a "Real
Close" reunion happening anytime soon.
YoufoundedReachOut,Inc.in 1989whenyouwere16 years
old.Whyis it important
to empower
youngpeople?
Looking back now, I know having my non,profi.t organization
"I believe it's important to sway if you're
gay, if only for today, seduce and stay
loose and remember that the best things
in life are usually kept secret."
in my life back then helped me to channel my energy in
a good way, but also to cope with what was going on in
my own life: My parents were going through a divorce,
my grandfather had passed away, staying in high school
vs. going on tour with New Kids on the Block, etc.different things that teenagers have to learn how to deal
with sometimes. It became routine for me to put those
efforts with our Reach Out programs and projects that
helped people-first in my life and in my heart. And I
continue to do my best to be generous and I am always
grateful for the people in my life and moments that arise
for me to help reach out. (lorimichaelsproductions.com) ■
October 2011 \ 55
================================
Q :=::::t
Singer-songwriter Fiona Silver
sizzles. By Jillian Eugenios
56
I curve
The best party Fiona Silver has ever been to took place
about five years ago and was hosted by The Danger, the
infamous party planners who've been giving New Yorkers
all-night renegade warehouse parties for years. The festivities began on the Brooklyn Bridge with a tug-of-war
between Brooklyn and Manhattan. After Brooklyn won,
the group paraded over the bridge to Brooklyn and bombarded the F train, throwing a moving party that landed
them at a beach party in Coney Island.
Growing up between New York's East Village and
Chelsea, Silver was immersed in the city's nightlife,
which led to a job managing a nightclub when she was
21-Santos Party House, a perfect gig for a singersongwriter with a large group of creative friends.
Silver's love affair with music came early, with piano
at 8 years old, and then guitar, bass and ukulele
following in quick succession. She credits a wide
range of musical influences, from Billie Holiday to
Led Zeppelin to TV on The Radio. She's become an
artist who writes her own music, writing about love,
life and "looking towards the light:'
After performing solo for years, Silver recently
put together a band as diverse as her influences.
"My bass player is from Japan and he's amazing ...
I'm still figuring out how much English he speaks,
I think he's just really quiet by nature. My drummer
is another local New Yorker, he's Dominican and
really talented and witty, and my guitarist is this tall,
beautiful African-Scottish dude with a lust for life
similar to my own. The plan is to tour and play festivals. I've already got a core fan base in New York but
I want to build that up in other places:'
Silver's decision to form a band came from her
desire to make something bigger than herself "It's
just a different energy," she says. "I can always play
solo. There's nothing to stop me from doing that.
But to play with other people is not so easy and it
requires a lot of dedication, discipline and willingness to listen and connect with other people. I felt
ready to do that, to let other people in:'
Named one of curve'sMost Desirable Women
in 2010, I ask Silver about the connection between
desirability and power.
"There is a lot of power in being desired. There
are subtle ways to use it by looking great and being
confident. A lot of times people will flip the script
and be like, I can offer you something you'd want but
you have to do something that you're uncomfortable with in return. I refuse, because that completely
draws the power out of you and I will not give
up my power to anyone:' Spoken like a true New
Yorker. (fionasilver.com) ■
~~
:::;
~~:e~:~::r::t~v~s~r:::::~cer,
educator Nenna Joiner saw a gap in the
market for a sex-positive adult boutique in
Oakland, Calif. she grabbed it. After months
of planning, petitioning and plenty of blood,
sweat and tears, last February Joiner opened
Feelmore510, a swanky sex shop located in the
heart of downtown Oakland. While many saw
the move as risky, Feelmore510 has successfully
created a center for education, advice and
communication-a
boon for greater visibility and
sexual empowerment for women of color.
sexual healing
Nenna Joiner's landmark sex shop offers service with a smile. By Jillian Eugenios
Whatmadeyouopena storewhentherearesomanyonline
optionsfor purchasing
intimateproducts?
As a kid, my grandmother always said, "You can always
sit behind someone's desk:' She said that as she sat
b hind the desk of her own company with only a grade
sc ool education. So, I come from a strong background
of women entrepreneurs that know anything is possible
with hard work. Although we expect to have eCommerce
fully functional by the first quarter of 2012 ... there are
communities, which are in need of products such as what
we offer but more importantly information prior to the
point of infection. Given that there is so much information online about how to protect ourselves sexually,
some communities may or may not be using the Internet
in this way. Feelmore510 with its mature, relaxed and
serene atmosphere has an opportunity to encourage a new
age in~store purchasing experience.
Howyoudoyoupersonally
identify?
It has only been since I have opened the store that I have
had to identify who I am beyond being a young black
woman. Having Feelmore510 has encouraged me to
stand on an additional truth that I am a lesbian in order
to empower anyone that may be thinking about opening
this or any other type of business. But I am nothing more
than a hardworking, cool-ass American.
Whichcommunities
havebeenmostsupportive
of you?
The Oakland lesbian communities, as well as other
communities, have been very supportive. However, the
church community is by far my favorite. Given that this
will be my first experience with the summer festival and
Gay Prides, I have an opportunity to work closely with
organizations namely Butterfly Productions, Sista2Sita,
Sistahs Steppin' and Movement Productions, whom serve
a very diverse Oakland community but also visiting conferences such as Butch Voices. Feelmore510 will also be
participating in Oakland 2nd annual Gay Pride Festival.
Whatsetsyouapartfromotheradultboutiques?
I made a decision to carry inspirational books like The
Alchemist and spiritual books by authors such as Louise
Hays, Don Miguel Ruiz and Deepak Chopra. My faith
has got me this far so I'm not about to leave them at home.
In addition to giving the aforementioned away without
a charge, we do sell unique erotic pieces such as vintage
magazines-pre-1980
Playboy, Penthouse, Game, etc.vintage movies, antiquarian books on sexuality, as well as
contemporary erotic art.
Howdoyourecommend
lesbians
whoordinarily
disliketoys
oreroticaempower
themselves,
sexually?
For those that dislike pleasure products and would like
to spice up their life, I would say reading a book ... with a
lover could genuinely add much needed romance. Most
times, buying something to encourage another's change
of mind is no different than putting a Band-Aid over a
wound that requires stitches. (feelmore510.com)■
October 2011
I 57
c,=
===================================
Jince\, Lumpkin has been called the lesbian Hugh Hefner,
as voted one of Out magazine's most compelling people of
2010 and Time Out named her a New York City sex icon.
The self-titled Chief Sexy Officer of Juicy Pink Box, her
very own porn production company that produces lesbian
films with "cinematic luster;' she is the best thing to happen
to o r sex lives since Shine Louise Houston gave us keys to
her rash Pad back in 2008.
"ltt's really important to show sex in a real way to differentiate it from a lot of the porn out there that isn't real;'
says Lumpkin. "The way mainstream porn depicts lesbians
is a manufactured fantasy in a male-dominated industry. It's
like, yeah, they fuck each other but where is the dick? A guy
can walk in and they're like, Oh thank God you're here:'
Lumpkin hasn't always been such an outspoken advocate
of queer sex on camera. She was raised in a small town in the
foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in Georgia. Then
came law school in Florida and a practice as a fashion attorney in New York City. But at the heart of it: Boredom.
"I started building up a practice in New York but took
a job in banking litigation in the meantime to make ends
meet. At that job we would do nothing for months on end.
I was extremely bored and single at the time so I started
writing a sex blog, which became very popular. I took it from
there. I found an investor and quit my job in the summer
of 2008 and went in this direction. I knew I wanted to do
movies but when I left my job I didn't have any contacts in
the adult industry whatsoever. I was a loner .. .like I could
not begin to know how to contact a porn star:'
Four series and a handful of awards later (including
accolades from the Feminist Porn Awards),Juicy Pink Box
produces something different, and something every lesbian
deserves-honest, hot lesbian sex captured artistically. Each
series is produced with an aesthetic that brings to mind iconic
photography and high fashion. Lumpkin brings in make-up
artists and photographers at the top of their game and stars
are styled for two hours before beginning a scene.
Lumpkins instinct allows authenticity. "I just let people
be who they are. I fit the girls together based on whom they
want to work with and whom they're attracted to. I don't do
story-driven porn and I don't script dialogue. I just say, this
is the mood of the scene and this is who you are. I try to get
away from that cliche of: You're the softball coach. I just try
to give them a sense of what the scene is about and what
their motivations are and then they do it:'
In doing away with the awkward storylines of traditional
porn-and
nixing that awful 1970s electronic music as
well- Lumpkin creates the kind of adult films that make
you proud to watch. She incorporates all types of lesbians
from across the gender spectrum. She only has one rule:
No straight women. "I don't do gay-for-pay stuff. I won't
work with women who are like, Oh yeah, whatever, give me
a check and I'll hop on a lady:'
There's an idea that women are taken advantage of in
porn and that they're pushed to do things that they don't
want to do. So what happens when Lumpkins at the helm?
"I work with the girls and I let them set their own limits and
I respect that. They are in control of the scene and they are
reclaiming their sexual power:' (juicypinkbox.com)
■
outofthe
Lesbian pornographer
Jincey Lumpkin's erotic artistry.
By Jillian Eugenios
ss Icurve
October 2011
I 59
60
Icurve
October 2011
I61
~~
Objectifying our sisters? Please. There are just too many hot queer women
~4/1
not to. But there just isn't enough room to do justice to them all, so below,
in alphabetical order, are 69 of our favorite delicious dykes-every
1. Jill Bennett
2. Sandra Bernhard
3. Bitch
4. Syd Blakovich
5. Michelle Bonilla
6. Brandi Carlile
7. Jessica Clark
8. Tabatha Coffey
9. Skyler Cooper
10. Cat Cora
11. Ellen DeGeneres
12. Portia DeGeneres
13. Beth Ditto
14. Cathy DeBuono
15. Ayiia Elizarraras
16. Melissa Etheridge
17. Freja Beha Erichsen
18. Kayla Ferrel
19. Melissa Ferrick
20. Erin Foley
21. Clementine Ford
22. Jodie Foster
23. Sara Gilbert
24. God-Des & She
25. Jill Goldstein
26. Dana Goldberg
27. Sajdah Golde
28. Julie Goldman
29. Nanna Grundfeldt
30. Leisha Hailey
31. Gro Hammerseng
32. Amber Heard
33. Alexandra Hedison
34. Shine Louise Houston
35. Joan Jett
36.kdlang
37. Jiz Lee
38. Jane Lynch
39. Kate McKinnon
40. Bridget McManus
41. Rachel Maddow
42. Vicki Martinez
43. Amelie Mauresmo
44. Holly Miranda
45. Whitney Mixter
46. Martina Navratilova
inch eye candy.
47. Jasika Nicole
48. Michelle Paradise
49. Sarah Paulson
50. Heather Peace
51. Tegan Quin
52. Sara Quin
53. Tasya van Ree
54. Ruby Rose
55. Tracy Ryerson
56. JD Samson
57. Daniela Sea
58. Courtenay Semel
59. Otep Shamaya
60. Jenny Shimizu
61. Lady Sovereign
62. Wanda Sykes
63. Courtney Trouble
64. Abisha Uhl
65. Jackie Warner
66. Shannon Wentworth
67. Michelle Wolff
68. Chely Wright
69. Vivian Wu
sexiest
lesbians alive
with Sweet
NCL's Norwegian
Sky.
SHIIT
&SWEET
IAlfi■AS CRUISE
februar:·~ 17-,20, 2012
/
·. * * *
~
NCL "~Norwegian
* '
Pearl
ALASU
CIUISE
may 18-20, ..2012 * * *
* *
NCI/s N_ilrwegi.an Epic
___..
SWEET
MEDITERRANE
CIUISE.
·
july 1-B, ,2012 .-. .,
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.•
••
SWEET
EASTERN
CAIIBIEAN
CRUISE
•
nm,ember 3-10, 2012
ElVLJ:ST
CA.LL
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1'10-.V!
87~
793
3830
iscavrn
SWffT.CO
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Desert Paradise: Hiking in Pinnacle Peak (clockwise from left),
Valley Ho guest rooms, Valley Ho's poolside view, the adorably
retro Sugar Bowl ice cream shoppe
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Tl-IEOTI-IER
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ST/1TE
ocals k<?ptt<?lLing
me how lucky I was
with the weather, which seemed odd since
it was 80 degrees when I landed at midnight in Phoenix.
After a few days though, I realized that by saying I was
fortunate, the residents meant that I should be grateful I
was able to go outdoors without injury.
Heedless of danger, senseless with sunshine, I left
Hotel Valley Ho with only a light smear of sunscreen
to take a short stroll past the galleries and eateries of
Scottsdale's arts district. The downtown area was artsy
and modern, and the Thursday night art walks draw huge
crowds to over 100 galleries, but at 11 a.m. on the day
after Memorial Day, it looked like an attractive, culturally
rich ghost town. Most businesses were open and big shiny
cars were parked outside of them, but no one emerged from
the AC during my 15-minute walk to the ice-cream parlor
and thrift clothing stores. Very occasionally a vehicle would
cruise up the wide empty street, the driver peering to see
if I needed assistance.
That was weird enough, but
when I knelt for a nanosecond on
the ground to take a photo, sharp
hot rockets of pain shot up my
leg. I leapt to my feet, my knee
burning. I'd started to kneel on a
square of metal embedded in the
sidewalk, and the radiating heat
from the midday sun gave me
second-degree burns-through my
longpants.The heat seared a blister
that lasted a month and looks as
if it'll leave a permanent scar, a
memento of the good weather in
Scottsdale.
If this was great weather, what
was it like in high summer:' "You
were really lucky;' said Trish, the
female cab driver of the hybrid
taxi (a Prius) who welcomed me
By Gillian Kendall
to Phoenix with a warm smile and a cool car, and swept
me off to my nice air-conditioned hotel.
Hotel Valley Ho, chosen more for its appeal to curve
readers than for my own taste, is the youngest historical
hotel in America. Built in 1956, frequented by Robert
Wagner, Natalie Wood, Zsa Zsa Gabor and others. It was
renovated in 2002, the five-story "tower" suites and original
motel strip rooms thrill all fans of mid-century modern
decor. What this means, I learned, is classy and classic
1950s and'60s design: Hot orange walls, no
shag rugs thank God, retro appliances,
a Tiki Bar and a large black abstract
sculpture in my suite that looked
Experience
like Bigfoot lurking at the bottom
the beauty
of my bed. Every time I came into
and drama of
my room it scared the kitsch out
the desert in
ofme.
Swinging, cool and a little selfScottsdale,
conscious, the centrally located
Arizona.
Valley Ho poses at the other end
of the spectrum to the Fairmont
Princess, a sprawling, self-confident,
gorgeous resort half an hour from downtown.
My suite at the Princess comes with a gas fireplace instead
of a humanoid statue, and the bathroom is larger than
some apartments I've lived in. The Princess is a great place
to breathe cool air and eat hot, healthy, high-end Mexican
at La Hacienda, where outdoor seating comes with private
table-top fireplaces which keep you warm against the starry
night air that wafts in at a chilly 70 degrees.
Cheerful, tanned young men will drive you between
October 2011
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rooms in a spanking clean golf cart if the five-minute walk
seems too exhausting. They'll even chauffeur you to the
Willow Stream Spa, a three-story dub-like space that is
pretty much a life-size replica of the Havasupai canyon .
Offering intriguing water features and free snacks, soft
music and good hard bodywork, the spa is larger and
much nicer than some apartment buildings I've lived in .
The grand scale and drama of the desert shows up
everywhere: in the sunsets, the golf courses, the meals,
the hot-air ballooning and the Frank Lloyd Wright house
called Taliesin West.
Is it just me, or is there something really
lesbian about the bright, curvaceous,
hot-air balloons bulging bigger and
bigger, then wafting slowly upwards,
in magical Mary Poppins movements, toward the dense blue sky?
All that bobbing, breast-like beauty,
all the bright-eyed passengers oohing
over the view and the surprising lift
skywards-all that and a low carbon
footprint too! Hot Air Expeditions picked
us up at 5 a.m., lofted us across the desert
just after sunrise, and fed us a gourmet champagne breakfast when we returned to earth. What's more
dyke-friendly than chocolate croissants ser.ved warm in
the sun?
At ground level, the sights were no less astonishing.
Frank Lloyd Wright's house Taliesin West is as far from
kitschy as it's possible to get, designed to harmonize so
well with its setting, the dwelling nearly merges with the
landscape. Wright's former winter home in the desert is
now a museum and a school for senior architecture students,
who build their own dwellings using Wright's "organic
principles" and local materials .
Wright worked not only with the desert stone and sand
but also shade and sun, measuring and incorporating the
angles of shadow into his intricate designs, so that
even a paved pathway between buildings
would be covered with shifting art-deco
reminiscent patterns of black and white
"eye music:' Such artistry is rare anywhere in the world, let alone in the
desert wilderness. His genius has
inspired generations of painters,
architects and engineers .
Many working artists still live in
Scottsdale, centering their attention and
efforts on the arts strip downtown, containing dozens if not hundreds of small galleries
selling good, original artwork. Interspersed with
the ceramics and paintings studios are good used clothes
boutiques (I always like to shop at secondhand stores
that carry the cast-offs of wealthy women with taste),
FOR MY
MONEY/1Nf) TIME
IT'SWELLWORT~
/1 G/1Y GIRL'S
VISIT
- JUSTf)ON'T
TOUC~ T~E
Slf)EW/1LI<.
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and one must-see eatery: the virulently pink ice-cream
shop, Sugar Bowl.
A hot-mauve jewel of a place, half a mile from Valley Ho
and like the hotel purloined from an earlier era, the pink
palace hosts a constant, happy hubbub of intellectuals and
Little-Leaguers, soccer moms and supermodels. This
lesbian enjoyed the waitress' pink-and-white nails, and an
iced-coffee and chocolate ice cream combo made to order.
Arizona has had a bad rap for its arguably heinous border protection laws, but a huge proportion of Scottsdale's
residents oppose them and welcome visitors without regard
to skin color, orientation or anything else. A friend from
the Unitarian Church gave me a button proclaiming "I
COULD BE ILLEGAL;' which I wore everywhere and
finally gave to a USAir flight attendant who made me
feel like a hero for putting my politics on my sleeve.
The governor, Jan Brewer, may be a bit backwards, but
Scottsdale's tourism industry i~ generous and queer-friendly,
not racist or elitist like some we could mention. For my
money and time it's well worth a gay girl's visit-just don't
touch the sidewalk. ■
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October 2011
I67
LONIJON
C/lLLING
NEJ' YORI<
By Constance Parten
If you're getting married in the Big Apple you'll want
the accommodations on your big night to be as royal as
the occasion. That's why it's time to relax your budgetprone ways and splurge on something extra special.
Lucky for you, you won't have to break the bank because
some establishments are offering attractive packages
to celebrate marriage equality in Gotham City. The
London NYC invites you to start your married life in
an indulgent Sex and the City setting that's at once glamorous and romantic. The Celebrate
LovePackagegives
you everything you need to make you feel like newlyweds: Start with a one-hour couples massage in the
privacy of your own suite. After relaxing and working
up an appetite, the acclaimed culinary team of Chef
Gordon Ramsay will deliver to your room an assortment of canapes to nibble on accompanied by a London
Cocktail for two (a refreshing love
libation topped with champagne),
then you might feel like nibbling
on each other, or simply lounging
around in your complimentary plush
robes. There's no more splendid or
sumptuous a way to celebrate marriage equality.( thelondonnyc.com) ■
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Tl-jELONnON
NYC CELERR/lTE
LOVE D/lCl(/lGE
ST/lRTS /IT
$655
DERROOM
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MIX IT /1T 1-IOME:
Tl-IELON80N
This signature house cocktail is clean and
citrusy, made with Lillet Blanc, a French
wine-based aperitif with a light orange
flavor. The sweet orange oil in the sugar
that rims the glass helps bring out the
orange essence of the Lillet. Bottoms up!
68
Icurve
2 oz gin
3/4 oz Lillet Blanc
1/2 oz grapefruit juice
1/2 oz champagne
Shake gin, Lillet and
grapefruit juice. Strain
into martini glass
rimmed with sweet
orange oil infused sugar.
Top with champagne.
1----+---+---t---+-~-+--+----+---+-
When you subscribe to our interactive djgital
edition you get curve in your inbox before it hits
the stands. Flick Through pages, watch videos,
1isten to songs, forward stories to friends and best --+----+---+-i•
of all, no more recycling. Just download aod save!
Share with
frienasvi~a~--+---t-r---l
e-mail, facebook, --------and
Tw·tter:,_ __ _
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Available ....--+---+on !both
Mac ancf PC
REVIEWSMusic Watch
What's Up With Linda Perry
The lesbian rock legend shares her heartbreak with a new album.
By Maria De La 0
PattiSmith,Outside
Society(SonyMusic):
Poet,provocateur
and
godmother
of punk,Patti
Smithhasnevershied
awayfromthe confrontationalor controversial
and
it's for this reason,along
with hertrailblazingbisexualanthem"Gloria,"that
Smithhasbeenembraced
by a lesbianaudience
sincethe '?Os.Herlatest
album,OutsideSociety,
is a collectionof her
greatesthits.Presented
in chronological
order,it
chroniclesSmith'sjourney
acrossfourdecades
of evocativemusical
brilliance.Thealbum
includesessentialtracks,
rangingfromthe top 40
hit "Becausethe Night,"
to the melodic"Dancing
Barefoot"andthrough
to herunplugged
and
unconventional
rendition
of Nirvana's"SmellsLike
TeenSpirit"-set to banjo
backing,no less.Outside
Societyservesas boththe
definitivealbumfor fans
andthe perfectintroductionfor anyonenewto
Smith.(pattismith.net)
[RachelShatto]
70
I curve
Former 4 Non Blondes front,woman Linda
Perry is indisputably one of the most influential
songwriter,producers in rock, working with
A,listers like Alicia Keys, James Blunt, Pink
and Christina Aguilera. (Aguilera's Grammy,
winning anthem "Beautiful" was Perry's gifted
handiwork.) In your face from the start, back
in the days when Melissa Etheridge and Elton
John were still observing a "don't ask, don't tell"
policy regarding their sexuality, she made news
when she appeared with her band on The David
Letterman Show with the word "dyke" scrawled
across her guitar.
She hasn't mellowed in the years since. As
driven as ever,she'scurrently penning the music for
the Broadway adaptation of the Nicole Kidman
movie To Die For, helping organize the L.A.
Lesbian and Gay Center's annual fundraiser, An
Evening with Women, and just finished touring
with her new band, Deep Dark Robot, in support
of the album 8 Songs About a Girl.
8 SongsAbouta Girlis aboutthearcof a relationshipwitha womanbya woman,whichis a first.
Doyoufeellikea trailblazer?
It's been done, but it hasn't been open. It's been
disguised with them, or he or whatever. But my
album didn't call for that. I wouldn't put her in
there unless it was really needed. "Won't you be
my girl?"-that
had to be there. I just write
music. This isn't a gay thing, it's just a Linda
thing. This is who I am: I'm Linda, I got my
heartbroken by a girl, I'm going to write an
album about my feelings.
That'sprettygutsy.
I don't think that takes guts at all. I don't see
where there's guts involved in expressing your
emotions. Is the guts because it's a woman talking
about a woman? That's just me being who I am.
People don't do it because they're not comfortable
with who they are. I'm extremely comfortable
with who I am.
Sohowis it to relivea romanticrelationship
every
r!::
~
~
:r:
!::
~
Cl)
g
0
(9
w
z
z
'.'.:i
nightthatyouplay?
It's kind of hard, but I love this person
and they are in my life.But it's a bum,
mer when you don't get the girl.
Arethesongsaboutyourrelationship
withactorClementine
Ford?
This album is not about Clementine.
She and I are not together, we haven't
been together in a very long time. I
love Clementine, we had a great rela,
tionship, we just needed to move on.
Like I said, I never got chis person-I
never got the girl on chis. This was an
obsession chat really got to me, and I
wrote an album about it.
Willthevideoseventually
tellthewhole
unrequited
lovestory?
We're hoping. We're shooting a video
for every song. This one Kat Von D
[from LA Ink] is going to be in. And
the last one Juliette Lewis was in.
We originally had a main girl, and
she couldn't do it because she got a
job. So I asked Juliette to be in the
"Can't Get You Out of My Mind"
video. And then we said, what the
hell, let's just make really cool videos
and keep the story as best we can.
Howdoesit feelto bebackontour?
It makes all the sense in the world; it's
what I do. I just haven't done it [in a
while]. It was really nice to be out on
stage and be out on tour in front of
people. I've been behind the scenes
for so long, and it's time. Being a pro,
ducer and writing songs for peoplethat has been a massive challenge for
me and really fun-but
OK, now
what do I do? I've been missing singing
and performing, so I'm going to do
this for now.
Soareyoutakinga breakfromsongwritingandproducing?
I'm not taking a break, but I'm just
being a lot more picky. I already am
kind of picky; I'm not just out there
trying to score hits. My whole vibe
is, one great song every so often is
enough for me.
Areyouworkingwithanyonerightnow
thatwe shouldwatchoutfor?
There's this band from Barbados
called Cover Drive. They're really
great Caribbean style music. There's
an Australian artist called Vanessa
Amorosi. I've done tons of stuff, but
not everything gets out there because
by the time the label gets their head
out of their ass and figures out what
to do with their artist it's already
too late. There's a lot of that. So I've
worked on many things, but until it's
actually out there, it's nothing.
Howdidyoustartproducing?
DidPink
justcallyouuponeday?
She got my number from her makeup
artist-her
makeup artist knew my
girlfriend at the time. She left me
this message and I was saying, Who
is this? And then I saw a picture of
her and I said, There's no fucking way.
So I call her up and I say,"You've got
the wrong Linda Perry. I'm not hip:'
And she said, "You did 'What's Up?'
and 'Dear Mr. President'-I've
got
the right Linda PerrY:' And I ended
up really liking her. It was just one
of those things where you just knew
this was the right match. She had her
R&B thing, and she didn't seem to be
happy with that route. So I shook it
up a little bit.
Yoursongsspanall genresfrompop
to blues,doyoureallyloveeverything
youwrite?
I couldn't write it if I didn't love it.
Things that I've written that I don't
love, I don't release. I've taken songs
back from artists that I've written for
them. It sometimes takes me a while
to process something. So there've been
times where I've heard something
that I've written with someone and
I called up my manager and said, get
that song back, I think it's horrible, I
can't back that up. There's one song
that's gotten out there that I'm not a
big fan of.
Whatsong?
I'm not going to mention that.
(lindaperry.com)■
"I'm not takinga
break, but I'm just
beinga lot more
picky... I'm not just
out there tryingto
score hits. My whole
vibe is, one great
song everyso often
is enoughfor me."
October 2011
I71
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
The DefiantOnes
Two lesbians are lost and delirious in Iran. By Merryn Johns
Becoming
Chaz
(WorldofWonder):
Therearefewpeople
morerecognizable
inthe
lesbian
community
than
Chaz(formerly
Chastity)
Bono.
Fromcoming
outin
1995(afterbeingoutedby
thetabloids
yearsearlier)
to herworkwithGLAAD,
Bonohasbeena highly
visiblerepresentation
of
thelesbian
community
forovera decade.
So,it
wasshocking
tomany
whenBonoannounced
inJune2009thathehad
begun
transitioning
into
a male.Becoming
Chaz
isthehighlypersonal
documentary
chronicling
hisjourney
to manhood,
theeffectshistransition
hadonhispersonal
and
familialrelationships
andwithinhimself.
Both
moving
andinformative,
it'sa fascinating
glimpse
intoBono's
lifeaswellas
a powerful
toolforhelping
questioning
youthand
therestoftheworldto
develop
a deepertoleranceandunderstanding
ofwhatit meansto be
transgender.
[Rachel
Shatto]
72
Icurve
"I tried not to kill anybody;' says writer~director
Maryam Keshavarz about the making of her
powerful film Circumstance."That's step one. We
always joke, 'Let's make sure no one dies in this
movie:" She may be laughing out of sheer relief,
but when you're shooting a film about lesbians in
the Middle East, you just never know what could
happen. More about that later.
Circumstance tells the story of two teenage
girls, one privileged, one poor, who fall in
love with each other and with the idea that
their future contains the promise of freedomdespite evidence to the contrary all around them.
They indulge these notions of personal and
political freedom while under surveillance by
male relatives, the government and the morality
police. Rather than give in to authority, Shireen
and Atafeh rebel, as teenagers often do, and endure
the terrible consequences.
This visually beautiful film is a little miracle
simply for the fact that it was ever made-beyond
that, it is remarkable for the performances by
the two young female leads, Nikohl Boosheri
and Sarah Kazemy, who not only had never really
acted before, but were chosen from an international
casting call of 1,000 girls and had to meet a very
unusual set of criteria.
"They had to have two passports, they had to
be bilingual, they had to be OK with sexuality
and queer content, they had to be good actors,
they had to be over 18 and look under 18;' says
Keshavarz, checking off her list of necessary
qualifications. The characters also had to have
believable chemistry and fit the image Keshavarz
had in mind for them. Shireen had to be dreamy
and enigmatic, Atafeh, playful and assertive, due
to her more privileged position.
"I remember when Nikohl and Sarah first
met, in the lobby of the hotel in Toronto-they
literally became, like, instant best friends, they
were so close very,very quickly.And when I video~
auditioned them together, it was evident they had
a very intense attraction, or bond, or something:'
The girls have gone on to further work:
Kazemy, who is perfect as the beautiful but
oppressed Shireen, is in Europe, and Boosheri,
who plays the rebellious and privileged Atafeh, is
in Canada. The sudden onset of their acting abili~
ties must have had a lot to do with Keshavarz,
even though she was still learning how to direct.
"I had never directed a sex scene before;'
she admits, recalling how she handled
the first of those scenes in Circumstance.
"First of all, you have to create a safe
environment, especially when there is
nudity. I always had a closed set, which
was just minimal people. But it's also
very choreographed. I'm giving them
directions on camera. It would be hilarious if you heard the dailies, which is,
like, 'Position one, Position two; " she
laughs.
The love scenes in Circumstance
might be numbered and choreographed,
but what ends up onscreen is tender,
sexy and honest. Especially given
the-well-circumstances.
Keshavarz was unable to shoot in
Iran because of the censorship laws.
She believed that she wouldn't be
able to adequately protect her cast
and crew, given the nature of the
material, so she decided to film in
Lebanon, where the climate is slightly
more liberal. But it was still risky and
there was a lot of tension on the set.
If nothing else, the pressure added to
the atmosphere of authenticity.
"It was really difficult to shoot in
Lebanon. Even though we had the
permits, we had to change the script
to make it more palatable to the censors, which meant taking all the stuff
about sex and religion out. We had
the military visiting our sets at different points, so it was by no 'means
a carefree environment. During sexual
scenes, there would be times when the
military was just off set and I had to
get the shot:'
Welcome to independent cinema!
Keshavarz, who was shooting on
film-and
was always aware that
her cans of film could be confiscated
at any time and then there would be
no more movie-deserves whatever
accolades the indie film world can
throw her way. Throughout, her cast
and crew tried to stay calm, and dedicated themselves to getting the story
right-illegal or not.
Lesbians will want to claim this film
as their own, but the film is even richer
because of its additional themes:
family, religion, female equality and
human rights. "What I want to show
in this film is that people have many
facets of who they are;' says Keshavarz.
"There's a complexity to who we are,
especially in an environment like Iran,
where people are constantly pressured
to be one thing or another. This film
talks to that-that
we don't fit into
one box. Identity is much more fluid.
"Iran was incredibly liberal in terms
of women's rights before the revolution. Women could have abortions,
were able to divorce their husbands,
were able to get custody rights. Of
course, that all had to start again when
the revolution happened. Women
sounded the alarm that the Islamists
were starting to take over, that the
country was becoming too conservative after the revolution:'
While the culture has stabilized
somewhat, Keshavarz remembers
when women were not allowed to
wear colors, and her family had to hide
pop music in a secret compartment
in the car. The struggle for freedom
continues, and some advances have
been made; in 2003, female Iranian
human rights activist Shirin Ebadi
won the Nobel Peace Prize.
Meanwhile, gay rights are just
emerging in Iran, a situation that is
depicted in the film when the girls
and their gay male friends attempt to
dub a bootleg of Milk in Arabic.
That the IranianPresident,Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad, famously declared there
was no homosexuality in Iran is both
ludicrous and true, says Keshavarz.
"You can't say you're gay in Iran. It's
illegal. There's not a sense of gay identity in the way that we understand gay
identity, because that requires an ability
to say that you' re gay publicly:'
The film has struck a chord with
American audiences. In spite of recent
advancements in civil rights, gays
and lesbians in most American states
are still denied true equality, and the
gains they have made are always under
threat. Depicting a country ruled by
religious conservatives-where female
liberty struggles to survive, is driven
underground, and is threatened with
severe punishment-Circumstance
offers a glimpse of what might happen
anywhere in the event of a rightwing takeover. You just never know.
The film won the 2011 Sundance
Audience Choice Award, indicating
a growing awareness that for women
the world over liberty and freedom
are not guaranteed but circumstantial.
And of course audiences love Atafeh
and Shireen-those two girls in hijabs
who dream of freedom-because the
personal really is political after all.
( takepart.com/ circumstance) ■
October 2011
I73
REVIEWSFood
PowerPills
Natural vitamins from food extracts that pack a punch. By Constance Parten
With fatigue a common problem even
for people who consider themselves
healthy, we're constantly looking for
ways to boost our energy, whether it's
a caffeinated drink or an energy bar
grabbed on the run. While
many of us take vitamins,
we often don't know what's
in them, and we probably
wonder if they really work,
and whether we're getting all the supplements we
need, especialy as women.
Certainly, at the local pharmacy or health food store
the array of supplements can be bewild~ring to the average girl.
Companies like Nutritional Therapies
may help you cut through uncertainty
and misinformation. Having developed
a formula that puts its products above
the rest of the run-of-the-mill vitamins,
the company's offers a proprietary
formula designed to reduce fatigue and
create energy.
Start the day Propax or Propax
Gold-complete nutrient supplement
packs originally created to give better
quality of life to people living with
serious health challenges such as HIV/
AIDS, chronic illness or undergoing
these different to other supplements?
Most other vitamin supplements
are challenged by absorption, whereas
the less standard NT Factor allows
your body to absorb more of the
supplements than you would from an
ordinary one-a-day vitamin, even the
mega-doses.
So what, exactly, is this mysterious
NT Factor? It is a patent-pending
all-natural super food created from
actual food extracts, which feeds and
repairs your cellular structure and
restores cell function. It is, after all,
your cells which store and convert
energy, but it is also your cells which
are under attack.
"Take an apple. Imagine the skin of
the apple is the cell membrane. Now
poke holes in it. A new skin protects
the apple but the apple is still going
to go bad and start turning brown;'
explains Ellen Hoil, who works for
Nutritional Therapies. "NT Factor
not only replaces the skin but lets the
apple repair the brown spots:'
The NT Factor acts to repair cell
So what, exactly,is this mysteriousNT Factor?
A patentpendingall-naturalsuperfood created
fromactualfood extracts,whichfeed and repair
yourcellularstructureand restorecellfunction.
74
Icurve
long-term debilitating medical treatments such as chemotherapy. They are
now available for everyone looking for
a healthy, homeopathic fatigue buster.
This multi-supplement contains all
the necessary vitamins, minerals,
antioxidants, omega-3 nutrients and
pre- and pro-biotics in a base of NT
Factor, which eliminates fatigue by
providing support and nutrients for
every organ in the body. But how are
damage caused by bad diet, stress or
illness by taking nutrients to every
part of the body. (In case you wondered,
the NT stands for "nutrient transport:')
This NT Factor is also · present in
Breathe Clear, a pill designed for
allergy sufferers and people whose
sinuses and respiratory systems are
easily irritated. Made from bioflavonoids, quercetin and the extract
from citrus peels (rutin) mixed with
NT Factor, this supplement gives
Claritin a run for its money by acting
as an anti-inflammatory, stopping the
flare up.
You can also suppress appetit with
the NT system through Healthy
Curb, a natural appetite suppressant
made from white kidney bean extract
mixed with NT Factor. Studies show
it has stopped cravings.
"Healthy Curb is made of food and
food extract only, so there's no known
problem with side effects as you might
find with medications;' explains Jack
Thomas, Nutritional Therapies' nutritional supplement technician with over
30 years of experience.
To test the product, NT took a
group of obese people and put them
on the product for eight weeks. They
did not change their dietary habits;
they were not asked to change their
exercise regimen or lack thereof.
''.After the eight weeks the average
person lost five to six pounds, and
lost an inch on their hips, too;' says
Thomas. Not a diet pill, Healthy Curb
simply helps curb the craving for carbs
and sugars.
Healthy Aging also features the
high potency NT Factor. Utilizing
clinically proven lipid replacement
therapy, this pill aims to reverse aging.
"Your entire body is made up of cells,
tissues and organs;' explains Thomas.
"By repairing cells we are allowing
your skin, hair and nails to improve
in texture:' He believes that in taking
the pill you will "notice a rejuvenation over a period of time:' This is
because the signs of aging are caused
not just by getting older, but from
reactive oxidative stress-or free radical
damage.
Environment, disease, even converting oxygen to energy across the cell
membrane causes aging, says Thomas.
"If you take two batteries in a flashlight and never turn the flashlight on,
over a period of time the batteries will
run down. If you turn it on, the batteries will die out quicker. In taking the
HealthyAging ~
.
:
~
wllhHl9h-
t
NT~!
~m:~-i
supplements it would be like replacing
the batteries on a regular basis:'
And heading into the holiday season we all could use a little help from
the Energizer Bunny. Partying and
indulging can contribute to cell damage,
especially through dehydration.
Taking products with NT Factor
assists hydration and removes the
temptation of sweets, snacks or sugary
drinks. Best of all: these products
are based on food and food extracts
so you're not denying your bodyyou're feeding it in another way. A
healthy, loving way. (nifactor.com)■
Infernal Thirst
Just in time for your Halloween party, devilish beverages for diabolical dykes.
It's Halloweenandyou'vepreparedeverything,fromdemonic
decorto horrifichorsd'oeuvresto
yourowncreepycostume-even
yourfurryfriendlooksfiendish!
Butwhenit comesto drinks,you
probablyhaven'tdreamedup
anythingamazinglyunholy,other
thana perversely-named
punch
or satanicsangria(substitute
appropriatereddrinkhere).Well,
considera sinistersommelierat
yourservice.VampireVineyards
offersup classyquaffswith
seriouscredentials.
If you'dliketo keepthings
light,startwith a Witches'Brew
blondalewith a champagne-style
cork.Forsomethingstronger,
sinkyourfangsintothe rich and
velvetyVampireMerlot,the dark
DraculaSyrah,andthe intense
ChateauDuVampireCabernet
Sauvignon.
Oneof the more
bewitchingtippleswe tried is the
Trueblood
PinotNoir(2007).This
award-winning
artisanalwineis
madefrom 100percentpinotnoir
grapesthat arecarefullyhandpickedandsortedin the Santa
MariaValley.Agedin Frenchoak
barrelsfor 23 months,the result
is a lusciousyet elegantwine,
rich,full bodiedand,darewe
say,quiteblood-likefor a pinot
noir.It pairsperfectlywith a rare
filet mignon,but if yourcrowd
clamorsfor cocktails,there'sno
betterbaseliquorthanthe sinfully scarletVampyre
Vodka.This
triple-distilleddrinkgoesdown
smooth-and makesa bloody
goodCosmopolitan
(it's blood
red,really)-or servein chilled
shotsor onthe rocks.Here's
bloodin youreye!(vampire.com)
October 2011
I75
REVIEWSTech
CreatingYourCommandCenter
Because every power dyke needs her toys. By Rachel Shatto
In today's fast-paced, increasingly digital world, telecommuting and working from
home is becoming exponentially more commonplace. But whether you're running a
thriving consulting business or a modest store on Etsy, you deserve to feel like the
CEO of your own Fortune 500 company. Sure, you've got your computer, printer
and the mouse and keyboa!-d that came bundled with it, but how can you be at the
top of your game with tired, obsolete tech stomping all over your productivity:' It's
time to take it to the next level. Here are seven slick, ergonomic and powerful tools
to help you rocket through the glass ceiling of your home office.
2.
3.
l II ~PTYa-1 NILITR-I
A study conducted by the University
of Utah concluded that using a multiscreen monitor increased productivity
by 40 to 50 percent. Say goodbye
to wasting time switching between
programs or minimizing windows in a
futile attempt to multitask. Samsung's
super sexy Multi-display Monitor
boasts three 23-inch monitors, all with
HD picture quality and a user-friendly
Multi Control Pad that allows you to
easily control your monitors. ($2,200,
Samsung.com)
2 II a.L-In-UDI r:JeQ
For the gal on the go, nothing less than
the world's fastest all-in-one printer
will do. Epson's WorkForce 635
printer does it all: Print, scan, copy, fax
and two-sided printing. Plus, it's ecofriendly: The Workforce uses up to 70
percent less energy and is designed to
be recycled. Fast, functional and kind
to the planet, now that's some sexy
tech. ($230, Epson.com)
3 II a CHaR FIT FCR a aueen
There are chairs, there are ergonomic
chairs and then there is the Aeron
chair. Made largely of recycled materials,
it's eco-friendly and its striking
biomorphic design has earned it a
place in the New York MoMA's permanent collection. But what really sets
this chair apart is its ability to conform
to, and work with, your body. The
PostureFit seat supports your pelvis
and spine while the patented Kinemat
tilt mechanism allows your neck,
shoulders, hips and knees to pivot
naturally. So long hours spent building
your empire won't mean long nights of
aches and pains. ($869, hermanmiller.com)
s.
I.III GIVe IT a UHlt.!I..
Any power lez who's felt the ache of
a repetitive strain injury knows the
importance of ergonomics. But since
everyone is different, when it comes to
ergonomic mice there hasn't been a
one-size-fits all solution-until
now. The Whirl Laser Mouse from
Smartfish, featuring the Anti-Gravity
Comfort Pivot-a patented motionbase that allows your hand to rest in a
natural position-will have you double
and triple clicking with joy.
($50, getsmartfish.com)
s II~
;RT
Every command center deserves a good
sound system. Our pick: Harman
Kardon's SoundSticks III. Featuring
exceptional clarity and 40 watts of amplification, that makes movies music and
multimedia come to life. The previous
iteration of these speakers is a work of
art-literally-the
SoundSticks II
have become a part of the permanent
collection at the New York MoMAand they've only improved from there.
($169, harmankardon.com)
7.
6.
6 II ca FePel re WITH caFtoerr:e
Just because you aren't in a traditional office
setting doesn't mean you won't need some
face-to-face time. With Logitech's HD Pro
Webcam you can video chat in crystal-dear
720p. A built-in mic guarantees that no pearl of
business acumen that drips from your lips will
go unheard. ($85, Logitech.com)
7 II PUSHtnG a.L THe QIGHT BUTTa1S
Make batteries (and the toxic chemicals they
leach into the ground) a thing of the past with
Logitech's wireless solar-powered keyboard.
Powered by light (both indoors and out) this
ultra-portable and sleek keyboard is the perfect
mate for any desktop computer, so both your
finger tips and Mother Nature will thank you.
($80, Logitech.com)■
Make batteries(and
the toxicchemicals
they leachintothe
ground)a thing
of the past with
Logitech'swireless
solar-powered
keyboard.
October 2011
I77
REVIEWSBooks
YoungHearts
Two must-reads for queer youth and their families. By Rachel Pepper
Are the kids really all right? This month's offerings
are about educating and supporting them.
ZipperMouth,Laurie
Weeks(TheFeminist
Press):
Thisgrubby,
gorgeous
jewelof a book
immerses
youinthe
twilightworldof a lesbian
junkiewrestling
with
addiction
andunrequited
love.Herlonging
forthe
unattainable
infuses
thenovelwithblack
humorandbilious
desire,
whetherit bethenavelgazingnarrator's
crush
ona "long-decomposed"
VivienLeigh,a godlike
JudyDavisoranelusive
tomatoandonionbagel.
Therealbeautyofthis
bookis itschemically
colored
poetry,
which
isunexpectedly
tender
andwry,drawnfrompop
cultureandthelandscapeof urbandecay.
"Jane'shairwasmylost
adolescence,
Jane'shair
wasa bottleof Suave
Wildflower
Shampoo,
deliciousat $1.99... Jane's
hairwasdriving
drunkat
twilightwiththeGunClub
blasting
'She'slikeHeroin
to Me.'" ZipperMouth
captures
therankmood
ofthedowntown
New
YorkCityscenebeforeits
gentrification,
backwhen
a youngaddictcouldslip
between
thecracks,her
empathy
andcreativity
theonlythingskeeping
herfromteetering
into
theabyssofobsession.
[Merryn
Johns]
78
Icurve
which there is nothing in this book), more for
kids who have single parents, kids who have
known their extended family of donor and
Let's Get ThisStraight:The UltimateHandbook half-siblings since birth (not only since age 18,
for YouthwithLGBTQ
Parents,TinaFakhrid-Deenas the book assumes), and what it's like to grow
withmembers
of COLAGE
(SealPress):
Let's Get up "culturally queer" although sexually straight.
This Straight is a concept book produced by The book could also benefit from an index.
COLAGE, a San Francisco-based support and
advocacy group with chapters in many cities that GLBTQ:
TheSurvival
Guide
forGay,Lesbian,
Bisexual,
provides resources, social and educational
Transgender,
and QuestioningTeens Second
opportunities for youth in LGBT headed Edition,KellyHuegel(FreeSpiritPublishing)
and
households. Let's Get This Straightis co-written
Queer:The UltimateLGBT Guide
by former COLAGE
for Teens,KathyBeigeand Marke
Chicago chapter leader
Bieschke
(Zest
Books):
Both GLBTQ
Tina Fakhrid-Deen and
the national COLAGE
folks, with many youth
voices sprinkled throughout. The book is a great first
effort at providing a wide
variety of information to an
underrepresented
population right in our midst: the
kids being raised by LGBT
parents.
Chock full of a wide variety
of information, this groundbreaking book covers essential
topics for queer parents, such
as transracial adoption, dealing with bullying,
making sense of donor insemination and even
dealing with having "bad parents" -those who
abuse drugs or engage in domestic violence. Bad
parenting is a taboo topic in most LGBT family
circles, so it's refreshing to see such a controversial topic issue tackled here with empathy
and Queer are worthy guides for the newly out
and forthrightness.
or questioning LGBT teenager. The two books
Unfortunately, given the impossible task of are graphically stimulating, inclusive, full of
attempting to cover so much information in resources and written with an upbeat, teenunder 200 pages, depth is sacrificed on other friendly style. Queerfocuses primarily on dating,
topics of import and diversity. In particular,
sex and sexuality issues as well as on instilling
the important chapter "Our Family Structures;'
pride in its readers through "embracing your
could be expanded more fully in subsequent
queerness:' It's a user-friendly book that aims to
editions. This chapter could then include more make LGBT teens feel good about themselves
information for kids whose parents are transgen- and their relationships through a light, humorous
der (especially trans parents who have transitioned approach, which can work well when dealing
before starting to raise kids, or trans men who with some weighty material. Co-authors Beige
are partnered with cisgender women, topics on (aka Dipstick) and Bieschke are experienced
LG BT writers and infuse the text with
personal stories and advice. And both
clearly care a lot for LGBT teens. However,
in keeping things so upbeat, and focusing
so much on dating and sex, Queer misses
the chance to at least touch on some more
somber and quite common issues youths
deal with, including alcoholism, substance
abuse and eating disorders. A bit more
practical information for homeless LGBT
teens might also have benefited the text.
GLBTQs subtitle promises that this
text is a survival guide, and in many ways,
it delivers on that promise.
Originally published in 2003, this second
edition includes fresh new graphics,
photos and updated content. Like Queer,
GLBTQ has information on dating, sex,
relationships and coming out, which youth
will find useful and offers less humor but
more practical advice than Queer. Written
by past PFLAG staff member Kelly Huegel,
this book includes comprehensive sections
on topics like "exercising your rights as a
GLBTQ student;' being a transgender
teen, dealing with stress and depression,
making responsible decisions about drug
and alcohol use and understanding the
"cultural differences" that might arise from
being queer and living in a mainstream
society. Alas, this book too also has no
information for homeless youth or on
disordered eating, topics that will hopefully
be included when the book is updated
again. For youth needing basic resources,
however, both Queer and GLBTQ; especially
read together, will provide both help, and
hope, for our most vulnerable community
members. ■
comeii&ili!
I
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Appointments in Australia at:
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MIOz provides fixed professional costs to nati
October 2011
I 79
STARS
Octoberfest
See who you can meet, greet and sweep off her feet.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Charm and charisma can only take you so far this
October. For lesbian Libras who want to make the
earth move for a certain lovely lady, there is nothing
quite as intoxicating as the rubadub of cold hard cash.
Let's face it, evenings spent looking at sunsets are
great. But evenings spent luxuriating in a golden hot
tub and toasting with champagne are even better.
Aries(March21-April20)
You are a boiling cauldron of wet and wild fun this
October so don't waste a drop. Lambda Rams are
oozing with sensuality, raw sex and irresistible
charisma. Not only can you attract any lady you set
your sights on, you also seem to be on a few discerning
tasting menus yoursel£ Why ask why? The question is
who, what, when and where.
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Who has the razzamatazz? Look no further than
Sapphic Scorpio. You are the center of attention and
women from all parts (interested in your parts) are
vying to get to know you better. A little vulnerability
is very alluring but choose when to allow a peek and
when to let them beg for more.
Taurus(April21-May21)
Partnerships take on a welcomed intensity. This can
mean that the two of you connect on a much more
meaningful level. Or it could mean that sparks fly that
create conflict. The secret is to see how you can make
the relationship better and stronger-if that is what
you want. By Halloween, you will know.
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.22)
There is a lot going on behind the scenes. The secret
to your October surprise is to be extra aware of the
comings and goings of certain folks to determine what
is up. You may also find that you are particularly intuitive and can divine some divine things. So keep your
eyes and ears open and your mouth ready for more.
Gemini(May22-June21)
This October sets you firmly in the "all work" and
"no play" mode. But don't despair. This is good news
because you will finally be able to complete all longfestering tasks and clean out your inbox. You may even
impress the big brass. Or not. But at least you will be
able to find an excuse to goof off in November.
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan.20)
Gal pals are on your "to do" list. Make October special
by planning a range of platonic festivities designed
to expand your social world into a galaxy. There is
an opportunity to get involved in a special group or
organization that can lead you into bigger better life
experiences. How big do you like them?
Cancer(June22-July23)
Expect a new romance to come your way this October
via something fun and absolutely frivolous. Tap into
your creativity and see what new artistic endeavors
come your way. Or maybe you can tap into the latest
party scene and make your best moves. Whatever you
decide to do, do it with flair.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
If you have any corporate aspirations, concentrate on
them this October. Aqueerians usually prefer to rage
against the machine but sometimes change is more
easily applied from the inside. Charm the power brokers
and worm your way into the executive starchamber.
Of course fine wine and caviar can be difficult to give
up once you get used to it.
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
The best things in life are free and close to home. At
least that is what you may discover this October. Proud
Lionesses can make their homes their lair, ready for
excitement and trapping their prey. But maybe a little
sprucing up is in order? Some small touches will reap
big rewards. So let's consider getting rid of that plastic
orange ottoman and wagon wheel coffee table.
Pisces(Feb.20-March20)
October can bring you international adventure and
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is
theauthorof Herscopes: intrigue-if you can get off your comfy couch. Expand
your influence and overall knowledge. You find that
A GuidetoAstrology
your new perspectives help solve a long vexing legal
for Lesbians
(Simon&
problem. Don't hide from the world-embrace the
Schuster)
(tinyurl.
com/HerScopes).
Nowavailable
asanebook.
possibilities and spread your wings.
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
It is not what you say but how you say it this month.
And you will say it beautifully. Words not only come
effortlessly to you, they can also pack a wallop. So don't
waste this remarkable opportunity by just flip-flapping
your tongue (although some of us like it that way). Use
it to move our cause one giant step forward. ■
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
LambdaLibrashavea rather
easyattitudetowardsmoney
andfinances.Thatis: Easy
come,easygo.Shealways
manages
to carryjust a
little lesscashthanwhatis
requiredto coverthe check.
Whilethis is notconsciously
intentional,
herlackof fiscal
planningcandriveother,more
practicalgals,absolutely
crazy.At thesametime,
shecanalsobeoneof the
mostgenerous
womenyou'll
evermeet.Whatshehasis
yoursandviceversa.She
hasnocompunction
about
goingthroughyourstuffand
borrowingwhatevercatches
herrovingeye.Saygoodbye
to it, sister!She'llsoonforget
that it everbelonged
to you
andwill happilylendit outto
uhh... someone
... sheforgets
who.Oh,didyouwantit back?
so Icurve
0
~
~
I
~
~~
~
BRIDGESTOnE
YourJourney, Our Passion
Sure, it's just a tire.
Like the Grand Canyon is just a big crack.
~RIDGESTOnE
GH
UPTO
onan AmericanExpress®
RewardCard*bymailwhenyoubuya setoffoureligibletBridgestone
tires.
Offervalid September1throughOctober1,2011.Forcompletedetailsor the nearestBridgestoneretailer,call 1-877-TIRE
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*OffergoodintheU.S.only.Mail-inclaimformrequired.
Cardcanbeusedvirtually
anywhere
American
Express®
Cards
arewelcome
intheU.S.(notforonline
purchases);
notredeemable
forcash.Cardissued
inthenamesubmitted
ontherebate
form;cannotbeissued
to minors
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UseofCard
constitutes
acknowledgment
thatit is givenasa Reward
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valueormoney
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subjectto monthly
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TravelRelated
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tiresmustbepurchased
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With you when you'-,a,
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~ Free Business
Financial Review Your business is more than a dream or a calling; its growth is essential to
the strength of your community. You work hard to make it a success, and Wells Fargo is with you. We are America's
#1 small business lender,1 with a long history of meeting the needs of the LGBT business community. That's why
we invite you to come in and get a free business fmancial review. We'll help evaluate your business, give you
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growing. Visit us online or come in and meet with a Wells Fargo Business Banker today.
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Fargo
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reserved.
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74470
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80539
10
Features OCTOBER
2011
38
DJ Tracy Young
Spins Us Right Round
Lesbian OJ super star Tracy Young sets the
record straight on coming out and staying out.
By Rachel Shatto
30
Keeping Abreast
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
and we take a look at two lesbians fighting
the illness creatively. By Merryn Johns
32
Finding Vanessa Carlton
The bisexual singer-songwriter reveals
all about her new album and coming out
in Nashville. By Dave Steinfield
36
Tantalizing Traci
Lesbian movie star Traci Dinwiddie
captivates her fans with her honesty
and talent. By Kristin Flickinger
64
The Other Sunshine State
Desert drama and sleek accommodation
in Scottsdale, Ariz. By Gillian Kendall
Powerful& Sexy
Celebrate our unsung lesbian movers,
shakers and beauty makers this month.
41
Dynamo Dykes
From Olivia founder Judy Dlugacz to
strong woman, Tami Carswell: these
behind-the-scenes powerhouses are
changing the lives of lesbians everywhere.
52
Luscious Lesbos
What makes a lesbian sexy? These women
know. From pornographers to sex-positive
educators these lesbians are taking the
power of sex into their own hands.
62
69 of the Sexiest
Lesbians Alive
With so many beautiful
and sexy lesbians out
and proud today we
just couldn't fit them
all in, so we celebrate
69 of the wonderful
women who get us hot
under the collar.
COVER
PHOTO
BYMIKE
RUIZ
21
curve
page
62 -+---=
A TOLERANT WORLD IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. But we're getting there. At Progressive, we believe
in respecting all people and finding beauty in their differences. Because it's one thing to call yourself
Progressive, and another to live up to that name. To learn more about how we're making progress,
visit progressive.com/lgbt.
progressive.com/lgbt
PROGREIIIVE~
Progressive Casualty Ins. Co. and its affiliates, Mayfield Village, OH. 09P00116 (05/11)
Departments OCTOBER
2011
N.Y. Marriage Equality at last!
IN EVERY ISSUE
6
8
Editor's Letter
9
Contributors
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
11
Curvatures
Politics
Why the women of the Right aren't the
right women. By Victoria A. Brownworth
Stars
Our monthly profile of lesbian couples
who live, love and work together.
I curve
28
Lipstick & Dipstick
The Two of Us
Laugh Track
Comic and onstage powerhouse,
Jessica Kirson lets loose.
Lesbofile
Reclaim your power with steel
handbags and clutch purses. Show
the ladies you're single and ready to
mingle with a secret Sapphic sign.
4
26
Out in Front
Scene
Relationships
Do you worry you're getting lost in your
relationship? Lisa Eramo reveals the warning
signs of lesbian loss of identity.
Letters
10
17
18
21
22
80
20
24
70
72
74
76
Music: Legendary Linda Perry is back.
Film: Must-see Iranian cinema.
Food: Power pills and Halloween wine.
Tech: Build a command center
at home, worthy of any power lesbian.
78
Books: Empowering LGBT youth
with the right advice.
Chatting Up An Horse
Curvemag blogger Janelle Sorenson chats up
Australian indie darling (and butch cutie)
Kate Cooper of An Horse on curvemag.com
tl
Muy Bonita Michelle Bonilla
Lovely Latina and openly lesbian actor Michelle Bonilla
on her new festival hit Slipping Away, Latina representation
in film, and what it takes to get a lesbian-themed film
made today. Read our interview on curvemag.com.
tl
Mary Morten is the Lesbian
Pushing for Change in Chi-Town
Meet the inspiring Chicago activist and the force
behind the documentary Woke Up Black, who is
fighting for the rights and visibility of lesbians of
color in her community on curvemag.com
tl
Roberta Hacker Saves Lives
For the past 25 years, as Executive Director
and CEO of Women in Transition in Philadelphia,
Roberta Hacker has been actively involved in
making women safe. Read our interview with
this powerful lesbian on curvemag.com
We Heart Hunter Valentine
Read our up-close-and-personal chat with
the sexy lezzie rock band on curvemag.com
EDITOR'S
NOTE
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
OCTOBER 2011
PROBABLY
HEARDTHEJOKE.Q: How many
lesbians does it take to change a lightbulbr A: 10. One to
change it and nine to write the folk song and produce the
documentary ...
Is there any truth to the comic subtext of this punch liner
I don't know, but I'll tell you this. In my 15 years or so
of working in LGBT media and with LGBT nonprofits I've
frequently heard this adage-mostly
from gay men: If you want something
done, get a dyke to do it. And that's
not funny!
If our conventional notion of power
. is the ability to get things done, then
we might hold more power than we
realize. We might not always have the
funding or the top position-society
can still be very sexist, viewing males
as more powerful, especially when
the definition of power has to do
with controlling others, rather than
with the often unglamorous task of
getting things done.
This is our Powerful & Sexy issue.
In creating this issue of the magazine,
I was surprised at how often these
two categories-powerful
and sexyintersected. The powerful women we
interview this month are changing the way the world sees
LGBT people and their rights, and that's kind of hot. The
women we interview who are sexy- either because of their
image or their desire to transform the way we view lesbian
sexuality-are
all about empowering and educating us, not
just titillation. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
And as for that lightbulb joke: I don't think those 10
lesbians are writing a folk song or making a documentary.
They're probably working on creating an energy-efficient,
eco-friendly, affordable, international labor rights-approved,
non-incandescent source of light. Because that's what we do.
I hope that as the years go by, our list of powerful and sexy
lesbians grows longer and longer, and that one day you might
be one of those women we celebrate in curve.
~'VE
Power
to the
Lesbians
~
Merry~
Edito~~/~~
merryn@curvemag.com
6
Icurve
I
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME 21 NUMBER 8
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenios
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Contributing Editors Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Stephanie Schroeder
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
PUBLISHING
Associate Publisher Diana L Berry
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
Advertising Sales Rivendell Media
ART
/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Jamie Anderson, Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin,
Bree Clarke, Lyndsey D'Arcangel 0, Beren deMotier, Lauren Marie
Fleming, Lisa Gunther, Tania Hammidi, Kathi lsserman, Melany
Joy Beck, Gillian Kendall, Georgia Krokus, Kate Lacey, Charlene
Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey, Ariel MessmanRucker, Alison Peters, Heather Robinson, Laurie K. Schenden,
Lori Selke, Janelle Sorenson, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Yana
Tallon-Hicks, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Erica Beckman, Brie Childers, Meagan Cignoli, Cheryl Craig,
JD Disalvatore, Tony Donaldson, Sophia Hantzes, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Constance Parten, Elisa Shebaro, Leslie Van
Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams, Misty Winter
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LETTERS
From Curve's
Facebook Wall
be felt in your pages, and this is what ·makes
L • V Ethis magazine
:)
-Summer AlexisKolacki
curve special. I'm hoping you'll be around
for quire some time to come!
-Jeff Nariyo, Safford,Ariz.
I justwantedto saythatI absolutely
loveyourSeptember
issue.I got it in
the mailtoday,andI can'tput it down.
I lookforwardto yourmagazine
each
month,butthis issueis definitelytops.
:) Keepupthe goodwork.
-CassandraWalls
Not Laughing
I'm a big fan of curve and was enjoying the
interview with Julie Wheeler (Vol. 21#6] until
she said she attracts women with "a pocketful
of roofies:' Frankly, I'm appalled that you
would print a rape joke. There is nothing funny
about saying the way to pick up women is to
drug them, regardless of the gender of the
person saying it. No matter how many times
I, and the countless other survivors out there,
are used as a punch line, each time feels like a
slap in the face.
Pleasedoa storyonthe USAWomen's
Soccerteam!!!Therearea few
lesbiansontheteamwhoareso
worthrecognizing
andcelebrating!
:)
-Jackey Humphrey-Straub
Nowaboutthatwomen'ssoccerarticle
I'vebeenbeggingfor... comeon!WPS
(Women's
Professional
Soccer)needs
oursupport
...-Vickie Smith
-Deb Jannerson,Portland,Ore.
Way to Keep it Real
I've been going over your last two issues
cover to cover and they're very nicely put
together and clearly real-so much so that
my paid subscription is currently on its way
to you. The two that I'm reading are Jan./
Feb. (Vol. 21#1] and March [Vol. 21#2] and
what really impresses me the most is the obvious sincerity with which the articles, reviews
and everything else is covered and presented
which makes you genuine, instead of just
another fake sell-out like some others. There's
a feeling of getting away from this world with
its hatred and prejudice and the coming
into acceptance and understanding that can
Poll
What does your girl do
to get you in the mood?
29%
28%
Sendssexytext messages
27%
16%
Wearssomethingsuggestive
lights candlesand
putson moodmusic
Thedishes
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
s Icurve
JulieWheeler'sNote:I'm sorry my attempt at
humor made you feel badly.I'm not one of those
comediansthatfeels nothing is off limits tojoke
about, but at the same time, there are varying
degreesof offensivenessandyou have topick your
battles.You did make me look at it differently.I
hope, at least, that the rest of the articlemade
you laugh.
The Other V Word
I'm writing because as a nurse practitioner,
I am compelled to point out an important
(and often overlooked) factoid. On page 14
of the July/ Aug. issue [Vol. 21#6], Johanna
Gohmann writes about her experience participation in an artistic work. The factoid is that
those genitalia are not vaginas, they are vulvae.
Nobody can see a vagina without a speculum.
Girls are not taught the correct name for
their body parts, which I find both sad and
intriguing. I'm stepping off the soap box now!
Keep up the great work on the magazine!
-Christine Robbins,Hoschton,Ga.
Hot Topic: Non-monogamy
Editor's
Note:Features
onsoccer,
footballandothersportsarecoming.
I startedreadingcurve in 1995...
andit still is myfavoritemagever!and
nowwiththis FBthingit's evenmore
fun!! -Evelyne Plate/
~ like
I've thought a lot about what it takes to be in
an open relationship and what it means to the
actual health of a relationship, and I've found
that as long as it isn't a band-aid for deeper
relationship issues, it's perfectly acceptable. It
is not however for me, or my partner.
-Sarah M. Perrone,WoodburyHeights,N.].
The matter is simple, cheaters are selfish. And
we who carry on "relationships" with them
enable them to be selfish, self centered, selfserving, immature and emotionally deficient
Odds are high that cheaters will cheat again
and that you aren't the first that they have
cheated with. The only thing for the sensibli
self-loving person to do is walk away.
We askedreadersif they wouldbe interestedin a
feature on in.fidelity,
non-monogamy,and the differencebetweenthe two and we hit afew nerves. -ES, Detroit
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CONTRIBUTORS
"Examining the roles we each play in creating healthy
romantic relationships has always interested me;' says
LisaEramo,Rhode Island-based writer and editor. Eramo
says her interest in psychology and examination of her
own past inspired her to write "Too Close for Comfort"
for this month's issue (page 24 ). While researching
her article, she interviewed various psychologists who
discuss the importance of maintaining one's identity in a
romantic relationship. Eramo has written for Boston Spirit
Magazine, Boston-based Bay Windows and a variety of
other publications. (lisaeramo.
wordpress.com)
JanetMayeris a New York City photographer specializing in
entertainment. Photography and pop culture are her lifelong
interests, and she got her start shooting the local city scene,
going on to work for major photo agencies with worldwide
distribution. She has photographed a wide variety of
subjects, from the President of the United States to many of
the biggest names in entertainment. Her photos have been
featured in People,Us,Life & Style,InTouch,New YorkDaily
News, New YorkPost,television shows, onli~e and print publications around the world. (redcarpetjotos.com)
SarahToceis a graduate of the New York Conservatory
of Dramatic Arts in New York City. Her specialty is
conducting celebrity interviews and covering high-profile
events with an emphasis on political, social and LGBToriented focuses. She is the editor in chief at The Seattle
Lesbian-the hot new online magazine read around the
world. Sarah jumped at the opportunity to interview
powerful woman and Seattle Lesbian co-editor Charlene
Strong (page 48). On the home front, Sarah is a halfmarathon runner who spends her time with her wife,
photographer Stephanie Brusig, and two dogs: Mattie
and Rose. (theseattlelesbian.com)
MikeRuizis an in-demand celebrity photographer shooting
high-profile names such as Katy Perry and Jessie J, not to
mention this month's cover girl DJ Tracy Young, and erotic
entrepreneur Jincey Lumpkin, Esq. Currently on TV in
season 2 of LOGO's The A-List: New York, Mike has
many fashion and lifestyle projects, as well as his constant
dedication to the Ali Forney Center, GMHC and other
LGBT organizations. Keep an eye out for his upcoming
coffee table book, Pretty Masculine. (mikeruiz.com) ■
October 2011
I9
From corrections
officer to comic diva
extraordinaire, Tammy
Peay uses humor as
her weapon of mass
destruction, leaving
love, compassion and
hilarity in her wake.
10
Icurve
Status Symbol
Gay, single and ready to mingle? Wear it!
Four years ago Jacqueline Sharlup walked into a restaurant and noticed a woman who worked there, smiling at
her. Sharlup wondered, "Is she smiling at me because she
thinks I'm pretty? Is she smiling at me because that's her
job? Is she smiling at me because she just thought of something funny?" Sharlup left the restaurant and sat in her
car, wondering what to do. "I was so dying to say to her,
'Do you want to go get a cup of tea or something?'"
Everyone knows it can be a very uncomfortable and
scary thing to approach a cute stranger, especially if it's
unclear whether or not she rides the same bus.
Sharlup didn't return to the restaurant, but that moment
was the inspiration behind her new jewelry line, GS Life
and Style. The GS (or 'gay and single") pendants are made
of high-quality stainless steel and come in a variety of
designs and sizes.
The pendants are a modern turn on a concept that goes
back centuries: the secret Sapphic sign. Symbols of lesbianism and availability that have shown up in the past range
from cock rings worn around women's necks in 1970s San
Francisco, to a colored handkerchief hanging out the back
pocket; in the early 1900s it was common for women to
give one another violets as a symbol of their affection and
in the 7th century Sappho's poems describe her and a lover
wearing garlands of violets to signify their same-sex love.
Sharlup has a timeless and borderless vision for her GS
symbol, which she has now applied to a line of eye-catching
T-shirts. "I would like for GS to go and travel all over the
world. I don't want to say it's a problem or an issue but most
people feel the desire to have that special person by their
side. The GS pendants can help people to connect to each
other because you really just have to wear it. You don't have
to go to a gay bar, you don't have to go on a gay dating site.
Not to put those things down, but a lot of people don't want
to do that stuff. They just want to live their life every day,
go to the supermarket and have the possibility of bumping
into somebody and maybe getting a date or making a
connection:' (gslifeandstyle.com)
[JillianEugenios]
October 2011
I 11
CURVATURES
Power Purses
Lesbians don't do handbags, do they? Think again.
In 2004, a fire completely demolished handbag designer Wendy Stevens' production
facility in Pennsylvania and she resolved to build the business into something stronger.
Inspired by the substance of New York City-and by a lack of small, durable handbags-Stevens began creating her first metal handbags-punching
holes, cutting and
sanding the sheet metal herself-all while working in a nightclub. The business took
off and she has since taken on a small staff, which has given her more freedom to put
her personalized stamp on her bags by designing her own sheet metals. These chic
and distinctive purses are timeless works of art, sold in specialty stores throughout the U.S. and on display at the Smithsonian and Philadelphia Museum of Art.
They're also worn by celebrities such as True Blood's Kristen Bauer, Twilight author
Stephanie Meyer, and Megan Fox. Handbags aren't just for iiber-femmes; give yourself the edge with these sexy satchels. (wendystevens.com) [MerrynJohns]
•
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.·
LIPSTICK
LESBIAN
Sexy, edgy and charitable cosmetics for queers.
Stuck in a beauty rut? Check out three of our favorite cosmetic lines
that will have you saying: we're here, we're_queer, we're gorgeous.
Glam It Up
Sure, makeup can make you
lookgood, but MAC Viva
Glam will make you feel good
too, since every cent of MA C's
Viva Glam lipstick and lipglass
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to help in the fight againstand to promote awareness
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a stunning nude color with a
hint of peach to brighten up
your face-or maybe that's just
the glow of do-gooding. One
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254 condoms, medicine for 5
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sex kits. (maccosmetics.com)
Just for Us
Sappho Cosmetics-as their
name suggests-is all about
servicing their lesbian clientele.
Featuring luscious powder and
liquid foundation, high intensity
eye shadows and oh-so kissable
lip glosses, this eco-conscious,
organic makeup line is the
perfect fit for lezzies who want
their politics to match their
punim. Every product is organic
and paraben, phthalate and
cruelty-free. So it's little wonder
why it's a favorite of several
L Word alums, including Mia
Kirshner, Leisha Hailey and
Jennifer Beals, all of whom have
a line of foundation inspired
by their skin tones-which
really puts a new fresh-faced
spin on the lezzie game: Which
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(sapphocosmetics.com)
Avant-GardeAllure
There is a real artistry to
applying beautiful makeup, and
for those seeking something
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This collection of stunning
lipsticks, shadows, liquid
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looking to be bold, dramatic
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tools will elevate your beauty
arsenal. ( illamasqua.com)
[RachelShatto]
Gay and Glamorous: (1,3) MAC Viva Glam lipglass &
lipstick, (2,5) Sappho eye shadow palatte & liquid mineral
foundation, (4,6,7) lllamasqua cream shadow, nail polish
and Toxic Nature color story
October 2011
I 13
CURVATURES
the rundown
The supreme court of Michigan
has decided not to hear a custody case involving
a lesbian couple and their three children. Renee
Harmon
andTammy
Daviswere
together for 19 years before Davis left with the children and claimed custody
on the basis of being the birth mother. A lower court ruling cited federal precedence that would support Harmon's case for custody, but an emergency appeal
filed in the Michigan court of appeals reversed the lower court's decision and
dismissed her claim of custody ... Savitaand Veena,the first lesbian couple to
be married in India,have been moved into a safe house including 24-hour protection after they received threats of violence including"honor killings:' Savita,
who had been forced to marry a man, was granted a divorce by a local court
after disclosing her relationship with Venna and the two women were legally
married. Fourteen ofVeena's relatives and villagers have been served notices
from the court after threatening the couple with "dire consequences:' ••• Lesbian
couple HegeDalenand TorilHansen
saved as many as 40 people from the attack
of gunman Anders
Behring
Breivik
on Utoyaislandin Norway.
The couple was
camping at a site across from the island and drove their boat near the island
when they heard gunshots and screaming. Dalen and Hansen pulled injured
people out of the water transporting them to shore, returning four times to
save as many people as possible, narrowly avoiding gunfire ... KateBakerand
MingLinsley,
along with representation from the ACLU,
are suing the Wildflower
Innof Lyndonville,
Vermont
for refusing to host the couple's wedding
reception after learning that they are lesbians. The couple
claims that the inn is in violation of the FairHousing
andPublicAccommodations
Actin Vermont, which
prohibits hotel establishments from turning down
patrons based on their sexual orientation ... Lesbian
couple OliverOdom
and
Jennifer
Tiptonwere
visiting DollyParton's
Dollywood
theme park
when Odom was told
by park employees at
the gate that she would
be required to turn her
"Marriage is so Gay"
T-shirt inside out in
order to gain entrance.
The couple in partnership with Campaign
for
Southern
Equality
has
written a letter to park
management, requesting
sensitivity training for
Dollywood staff. A
Dollywood spokesperson has gone on record
saying that the incident
was a misunderstanding
connected to the
park's strict dress code.
[Sassafras
Lowrey]
Are you ready for some fierce competition? Submit a photo of your
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OUTINFRONT
Out-and-Out
Organizers
Two lesbians bring the fight for
equality to your front door.
By Sheryl Kay
Door-to-Door Warrior
To go from pacing the water's edge as a lifeguard to knocking on doors as a political
canvasser must have seemed strange to some
people, but not to RobinBrand.
"I loved it immediately-meeting
new
people, talking to them about issues that
mattered and the pressure of having to raise
a specific amount of money each night;' she
says, recalling her first brush with community activism when a friend convinced her to
uoin Fair Share, part of the Citizen Action
Alliance in Massachusetts.
In a way, Brand continued going door-todoor, but in a much bigger neighborhood,
when she was senior vice president for strategy
and campaigns at the Gay & Lesbian Victory
Fund and Leadership Institute, the organization that leads the nation in identifying,
training and helping to elect openly LGBT
political candidates. There she helped raise
hundreds of thousands of dollars in direct
candidate contributions and often served as
the Victory Fund's national spokesperson.
"Like it or not, money drives politics;' says
Brand. "During tough economic times, it is a
challenge. But I believe so much in the impact
of the work we do that I want to give people
an opportunity to get engaged in our work:'
Today, Brand is deputy executive director
at the Victory Fund, where she oversees strategic development projects such as crafting
a run for the U.S. Senate for Rep. Tammy
Baldwin (D-Wisc.) and working with the
National Association of Latino Elected
Officials to increase the presence of Latino
LGBT leaders.
Yet, despite all her experience in dealing
with major national issues and international
politicians, Brand says that the people who
inspire her most are not necessarily the D.C.
movers and shakers.
"I admire lesbians who choose not to flock
to the big cities but instead decide to make a
difference where they live, whether they are
abroad or in the U.S.;' Brand explains. "They
are changing hearts and minds in places that
matter most to them-their own communities. These are my heroes in the fight to win
LGBT rights around the world:'
Asian Persuasion
GingCristobalgrew up in a household that
did not conform to the strict gender roles
common in traditional Filipino families.
Growing up as one of six children, Cristobal
thrived in a family where her headstrong
mother was just as much the head of the
household as her father-and
he in turn
shared housekeeping chores and openly
nurtured his children. "That is why, growing
up, I never had problems fitting in or feeling
insecure and not accepted, because my family
was my anchor and my source of love and
strength;' she says.
However, after she came out, it didn't
take long for Cristobal to learn that not all
Filipinos were as accepting. While attending
her very first lesbian film, Cristobal joined in
an all-women's round table where she spoke
with women who told of the violence and
discrimination they faced at work, from friends,
at school, but mostly from their families.
"I went home really bothered;' she recalls.
"I saw I was so lucky that I had loving and
accepting parents, but at the same time I
knew in my heart that I have to do something:'
Fast-forward 15 years of civil rights work
for LGBT causes and today Cristobal is
now the project coordinator for an enormous region-Asia
and the Pacific-at
the International Gay and Lesbian Human
Rights Commission. In Cristobal's region, 10
countries have laws criminalizing consensual
homosexual acts.
"In Asia, lesbians are tolerated, but most
of the time are discriminated against and
face violence because of their sexual orientation and gender identity;' she says.
One of Cristobal's most important recent
projects is the launching of a 30-minute video
that highlights the violence and discrimination experienced by the LGBT community
in Asia, while showcasing their efforts to
fight for equality, safety and decriminalization. It also is a call to action to governments
to implement the Yogyakarta Principles-a
set of 29 binding legal standards that outline
how international human rights law applies
to the lives ofLGBT people.
Progress, she says, requires taking action
and maintaining one's goals.
"Continue to create spaces for everyone to
be stronger until you make things happentalk more openly, do research, documents
cases of abuse and violence, do legal advocacy
work, challenge laws, challenge restrictive
and backward traditions, help other LGBT
groups to prosper, be the role model to
younger LGBT people, be more out and
slowly realize your dreams;' she says. "Never
give up your dreams:' ■
October 2011
I 17
LESBOFILE
Easy Come, Easy Go
Emma, Denise and Liv love us but Sheryl says
goodbye. By Jocelyn Voo
it looks like we lose one. The three-time
Olympic gold medalist and three-time
MVP of the WNBA came out in 2005, after
ending her marriage to a man. Swoopes had
begun dating the former assistant coach
for her original hoops team, the Houston
Comets. But now it looks like she's swung
the other way again with her engagement
to a man. The lucky guy:' Chris Unclesho, a
longtime friend of the basketball star.
When Swoopes first came out, she stated,
'Tm not bisexual. I don't think I was born
[gay]. Again, it was a choice:' And her
particular path, it seems, has
segued back to a heterosexual
relationship. Even though it may
seem like we've lost her, we've got
to be proud of our girl, a pioneer
for gay African-American athletes. And we wish her a lifetime
of happiness.
RedHot
Who'sWinningNow?
Probably better known for being the former
wife of crazypants Charlie Sheen, or as a
bisexual bad girl in Wild Things, Denise
Richards
will heretofore be better known in
Sapphic circles for her recent real-life girlon-girl confession.
Talking to Howard Stern, Richards reveals
that she once had a brief affair with another
well-known Hollywood female actoralthough she declined to name names.
"I just met her through friends and work
and stuff ... I was just curious. We were
curious," she says. "She was a girly-girl.
She's beautiful. You would know who she
is:' According to Richards, the other actor
was the one who made the first move.
A real-life Wild Things encounter:' We
can't wait for Richards' tell-all book to
come out.
1s
I curve
OurNo.1 Fan
Four words: LivTylerloves lesbians. (Just not
like how you're wishing she meant that.)
While having the model turned actor
as a guest on her talk show, comic Chelsea
Handler told Tyler that many of her lesbian
friends had a big crush on her. Tyler's
response: "Thank you! I like lesbians ... !
love lesbians:'
Ah, Liv.You made a million nerds swoon
as an Elf maiden in Lord of the Rings,and
now you've got our hearts, too.
DoubleDribble
You win some, you lose some-and
in
basketball phenom SherylSwoopes'case,
After Friends With Bene.fitsand
EasyA, actor EmmaStoneis on a
red-hot career streak. For Easy
A, Stone credits having a cadre
of gay and lesbian friends as she
grew up, making it easy for her to
portray the struggles that teens
can face. "That support is profoundly important and moving
to me, because you guys are the
best;' she told The Advocate.
That, combined with her lack of mentioning a boyfriend to the press, may have
some gossipmongers speculating just how
much she's aligned with the rainbow flag.
When asked if she has a girlfriend, Stone's
answer was very intriguing. "No I don't
have a girlfriend. But who knows:' You love
who you love:'
And as to her Hollywood girl-crush,
Stone says it'd definitely be Mad Men star
(and fellow redhead) Christina Hendricks.
"Everything about her does it for me;'
Stone says. "That's my kind of woman:'
Curvy, successful and gorgeous:' Stone's
got good taste. ■
She Said
October 2011
I 19
THETWOOFUS
Cheril & Monica
Diversity publishing moguls Cheril Clarke and Monica Bey share their love story.
By Merryn Johns
How they met
Cheril:We met in the fall of 2003 at the 29th anniversary celebration
for African Ancestral Lesbians United for Societal Change. I was
there to do spoken word poetry as a part of the evening's entertainment
and Monica had just come in by chance. After my performance, I
went around to gather e,mail addresses for my mailing list and put
a notation next to Monica's name so that I could remember who she
was. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. I didn't want to chance mixing
her name up with anyone else's.
Monica:Cheril had a captivating energy that intrigued me. I saw her
put a star next to my name and something inside me was eagerly
looking forward to hearing from her after that first night. I wanted to
see where things could go.
Getting hitched
Cheril:I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Monica after
the first six months of dating. That is when I found myself in the
diamond district of New York picking out a hand,made ring in an
antique setting. I wasn't rushing; I waited another year before popping
the question. We got engaged at Stonewall Restaurant, N.Y.C. I was
prepared to release an effusion of poetry and romantic prose and forgot
every single word when it was time to pop the question. I managed to
get through it by just getting down on one knee and letting new words
flow.I presented her with a greeting card that I'd had signed by my siblings
with a"welcome to the family" message ... and of course the ring.
Monica:I never thought Cheril would have proposed to me in that
way, on that night ... or that she would even have it in her to call my
stepfather and actually ask for my hand, but she did. We got married
at Oheka Castle in Huntington, N.Y. in front of family and friends.
At the time we had already done Domestic Partnership paperwork
The ceremony was really just a public celebration for our family and
friends. A month later, New Jersey passed the Civil Union law so we
went ahead and changed our status again to get that for more legal
protection.
Working together
Monica:When we were preparing to become foster parents I wanted
to build a library of multi,cultural and diverse tides for the children
we would be taking into our home. While there were a handful of
LGBT children's books available, there was a huge void of those with
multi,cultural characters. We talked about creating a subsidiary to
publish this work, but didn't act on it until a year later when we realized
that the void was still very much there.
Cheril:We are founders and managing partners of Bey,Clarke Media
Group. I have been an author for 10 years and since the beginning of
my relationship with Monica she has been supportive of my worK
Aside from the children's line, our publishing company will soon be
accepting submissions for upcoming anthologies that tell the storiei
of our transgendered brothers and sisters.
Advice on workingand livingtogether
Monica:We schedule business meetings. That's our time to talk shor
and make company decisions. Of course, business ideas come at al
times of the day, so we'll end up chatting about them over breakfas1
or while driving, but it's important to keep balance, have fun anc
continue to go on dates.
Cheril:When you work and live together it can be very easy to havt
every conversation turn into something work,related. To quell tha
natural tendency, we've taken up separate hobbies that allow us pro
ductive time apart and new things to talk about when we regroup
Monica is learning to fly with the aim of getting her pilot's license anc
I'm taking equestrian lessons. We work out together because having,
partner is just easier in that department. ( cherilnclarke.com) ■
1
20
I curve
SCENE
At Last
Photographer Janet Mayer captures
the landmark lesbian marriages in Gotham City.
Finally, marriage equality in New York.
On Sunday July 24, it was indeed a
case of "at last" for Phyllis Siegel, 77,
and Connie Kopelov, 85, together 23
years, who became the first of many
same-sex couples who tied the knot
at the marriage bureau on Worth
Street in Lower Manhattan, witnessed
by openly gay City Council Speaker
Christine Quinn. "This is the first day
of the rest of our lives;' Siegel told the
NY Post. Over 2,600 couples applied
for marriage licenses online from July
5 through July 19. With as many as
1,300 couples hoping to marry on July
24, the city held a lottery, which allowed
approximately 800 couples to marry or
obtain a license on that day.
"Thisis
the first
day of
the rest of
our lives."
-Phyllis Siegel, 77
October 2011
I21
Sharing Is For Suckers
Help! I'm obsessed with someone I can't have.
By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm 39 and have been straight my whole life. I've
never actively questioned my sexuality, although most of my friends are
women and I enjoy female energy and company. I have a boyfriend who I
see several times a week, but we do not live together. He's a great guy, but
we don't have plans to get married or anything. I am very confused about
feelings that have emerged over the past year. I have a terrible crush on a
female Facebook friend. I met her a few times in person socially (she's the
girlfriend of my friend) and I've always found her delightful and attractive. I
don't have that much contact with her in the flesh, but I'm addicted to her
on Facebook. She is pretty and funny and has interesting friends. I check
on her every day, look at her pictures, and to be honest, kind of stalk her. I
wake up thinking about her and the first thing I do when I log on is check
her status. I've never kissed a girl before and I'm really confused now. Am
I secretly or subconsciously gay? Can Facebook make you gay? Can you
be gay on FB and nowhere else?- Flaming on Facebook
Dipstick:Jesus, don't let the right wing get
a hold of this. Once they find out Facebook
is making people gay, they'll have the whole
Internet shut down. But I'm even more afraid
of you than the Right Wing. This sounds like
a creepy obsession. It doesn't matter if you're
gay or not, the girl is taken. Leave her be.
Lipstick:Oh Dip, you're calling the kettle
black. Remember when you used to obsess on
Rachel Maddow? We drove all night in your
Subaru to Northampton, Mass. listening to
an endless stream of her podcasts just to try to
get a glimpse of her at her favorite coffee shop?
Facebook Fanatic, just cool your jets a bit. I
think you might simply be bored with your life.
Try new things, meet new friends. Set some
boundaries around your obsession, too-like,
maybe you're only allowed to check her profile
once a week, or you can only fantasize about
her on days that start with "T' If you still can't
control the mouse, try out a girl of your own, a
woman you can actually poke in person.
Dipstick:I wasn't stalking Rachel Maddow. I
just admire her as a journalist and I wanted
221 curve
to see what coffee drink she ordered. Geez. As
for you, fanatic, it sounds to me like you're in a
stale relationship and Facebook hottie is a nice
distraction from the doldrums at home. She's a
fantasy, nothing more. Take some of the energy
you're spending on FB and use it to take a
good hard look at your own relationship.
DearLipstickandDipstick:I amdatinga bi-chick
who hashada boyfriendsincethe daywe met
It's been about three years now and they're
closerthaneverbecausethey'rehavinga baby,
I alwaysfeel second.I don't think she loves
me anymore,andcertainlynot as muchas she
seemsto love him thesedays.Sheand I have
beenfighting a lot and I'm tired of sharingher
with someoneelse.I've neverbeenOKwith n
andI wonderif I everwill be.Whatdo youthink
I shoulddo?Stayfor her,the babyand him or
leave?-NottheBabyDaddy
Lipstick:Dipstick, would you rather share
your girlfriend with a guy or stick a habanero
pepper up your bum?
Dipstick:
The pepper. Duh.
Lipstick:
Even if you were hospitalized after?
Dipstick:
Definitely.
Lipstick & Dipstick ADVICE
Lipstick:Me too. I'd take the whole burning
tush before I'd let myself play third wheel with
a guy involved. Sucker, you feel like second
because you are and you're soon to be third. My
advice is to stop the bleeding right here, right
now, and end this nonsense. Find a girlfriend
who isn't in a relationship and it's amazing
what will happen. You'll suddenly be No. 1.
Dipstick:
That's not to say open relationships
can't work. I believe they can, but only when
all parties want that kind of set up. If you're
just waiting around for her to get sick of this
guy, I've got news for you-now that she has
as child with him, Baby Daddy will be in her
life forever. If you want to stay with this bisexual beauty, you're going to have to come to
terms with her open lifestyle. (And don't call
her a bi-chick, it's offensive). Two good books
about open relationships are Open by Jenny
Block and Opening Up by Tristan Taormina.
DearLipstickandDipstick:
I escapedfromthe
mosthorrible
relationship
a littleovera year.She
lied,cheated,
stole,separated
mefrommyfamily
andfriendsandmoreor lessdestroyed
all my
trust,caringandhopein myselforothers.
I didn't
realizeall of thisuntiljustrecently.
I didall the
thingsI felt I neededto do to recover.
I made
amends
withlovedones,movedtotheotherside
of town,gotridof all reminders
of therelationshipandcutoffalmostall contact.
I grieved
and
mourned,
allowedmyselfto be depressed
and
angryandeverything
elsea personcanpossiblyfeel.ThenI beganrebuilding
my life,doing
thingsI loveandhandling
mybusiness.
I found
someone
whoreallystrucka chordwithme.We
courtedfora goodwhilethenmadethingsofficialjustrecently.
I didn'trealizeit before,
butI've
begunto feelthisgnawingfearinsideaboutmy
currentgirlfriend.
I findmyselfasking:Whatif
she'slying?Whatif I openupandendupworse
thanbefore?Of course,theseare normalconcerns.Whatis notnormalfor me is howI look
overhershoulder
at herphone.(Myex usedher
phoneas her mainmodeof infidelity.}
Also,I
becomeextremelyself-conscious
the minute
her attentionis focusedon anyone,friends
included,
whoareviewedasevenslightlymore
attractive
thanme.This,too,is so notlikeme.
I'mworriedthatmyexhasinflicted
somesevere
psychological
damage.I don'twantthisto hurt
mycurrentpartneror me anylonger.
Whatare
yoursuggestions?-Beaten
Butch
Dipstick:
Dude, you are so not ready to be in
a relationship. You need more time to reflect
and heal. Recovering from any relationship
takes time. An abusive one takes even longer.
You need outside help. I recommend getting in
touch with your local domestic violence agency
and see if there is a support group for women
who have been in abusive relationships. It's
important not only to recognize what your
partner did to you, but also what issues with
your self-esteem and self-worth that may have
attracted you to an abusive person in the first
place. Check out this book: It's My Life Now:
Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or
Domestic Violence by Meg Kennedy Dugan
and Roger R. Hock. If you don't conquer the
inner issues that led you into an abusive relationship, you're bound to repeat the pattern.
Or worse, if this goes unchecked, you could be
on your way to becoming the_abusive one.
MELISSA
FERRICK
Featuring
guest
appearances
by
• Ani DiFranco .
& KakiKing!-. ,,: ·
If you still can't control the
mouse, try out a girl of your
own, a woman you can
actually poke in person.
Lipstick:
Looks like Dipstick has her toolbox
out today because she just hit the nail on the
head! While Dip's got the box out, let's have
a look at the vice inside. Why? Because it
resembles the instrument of your destruction
right now, Beaten Butch. Like the vice, your
insecure baggage has fixed itself around your
relationship and is crushing it. If you don't
figure out how to unlock its grip with professional help, as Dip suggests, this vice will not
only destroy your relationship but also your
life. You've got to learn how to trust again and
a good counselor holds the key. ■
Tune in to curvemag.com/lipstickanddipstic~
to watch the The Lipstick & Dipstick Show.
Or write to tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
••
THE,NEW ALBUM
"STILL BIGH'T'HERE'
A.V'AILABtE·,
NOW!
WWW.MELl55AEERRl£1t£0M
WWW.MPRE55RE£0RD5
.COM
ADVICERelationships
Too Close For Comfort
Is loss of identity taking its toll on your relationship?
By Lisa A. Eramo
relationship. Although Donna wants to join
a softball league chat practices three times a
week, she hesitates because she knows Joan
doesn't like the sport. Donna fears being away
from Joan on chose three nights of the week.
She wants to avoid conflict with her, so she
decides not to join the team.
But wait a minute. What about the heartpounding, electrical currents we all feel during
the honeymoon stage of a relationship?
You know what I'm talking about-those
butterflies chat seem to flutter around in
our stomachs whenever we see our new
crush? Aren't these feelings normal, and
shouldn't we welcome them?
Yes, experts say... buc only to a point.
FEEL INVISIBLE?
Ask these questions to determine
whether loss of identity is
occurring in your relationship:
What do lesbians bring on a second date?
We've all heard the joke, and we all know the
punch line. It's the classic U, Haul cliche, and
most lesbians seem to have experienced it at
one point or another in their lives, or at least
know someone else who has. But why is there
chis tendency to meet, fall in love and rush
into a blissful and cohabitating union? Is it
healthy? Should we be resisting the lesbian
urge co merge?
The intense intimacy that lesbians experi,
ence in their relationships is definitely not a
bad thing, and it's precisely what all women
want regardless of their sexual orientation,
says licensed clinical social worker Claudia
Bepko, co,author of the paper "The Problem
of Fusion in the Lesbian Relationship:' "For
lesbians, the capacity for closeness, intimacy
and intensity is a strength because it reflects
our socialization as women, and it's what
everybody is looking for;' says Bepko.
Sounds wonderful, right? Not quite. When
the intense closeness leads to what mental
24
I curve
health professionals call a"loss of identity" for
one or both partners, the relationship could
be on a one,way ticket to disaster.
This loss of identity occurs when each
partner becomes so emotionally merged with
the other that they fear differences between
them and often deny chat chose differences
even exist, says Julie Mencher, master of
social work, psychotherapist and consultant
in Northampton, Mass. who specializes in
working with LGBT clients.
Individuals in a couple where there is some
loss of identity for one or both partners
develop an acute sensitivity to one another's
needs and feelings sometimes at the expense
of their own, says Mencher.
Consider Donna and Joan-two fictional
lesbians who have been coupled together for
nearly 10 years. The two women spend all
of their time together with the exception of
their working hours. They feel very content
with one another's company and don't seek
socialization outside the confines of their
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
I
C
s
AmI happyin the relationship?
n
DoI feelasthoughI havea voice
in therelationship?
l:
DoI feelsafetellingmypartner
whatI wantanddon'twant?
r
0
If mypartnerdoesn'tagreewith me,
doI feelsafeassertingmyopinion?
DoI feeldistantfrommypartner?
p
C
a
Doesmyrelationship
fostermy
abilityto bemyself?
p
Doesmyrelationship
helpmegrow
asa person?
d
CanI talkto mypartneraboutmy
wishesanddreamsevenif they're
nothers?
0
ic
f.
0
le
''t
If theanswerto the majorityof these
questions
is "no,"this maybea signthat
thereis anunhealthy
dynamictaking
placein the relationship,
causingoneor
bothpartnersto feela lossof identity.
b,
V
V
TIPS TO REVIVE YOUR MERGED RELATIONSHIP
Consider these other helpful tips that experts say can help re-establish individuality in a relationship:
STEPONE:Remember
that Romewasn'tbuilt
in a day.Don'tgo on a
crashcourseof "fusion
busting,"saysJulie
Mencher.
Couples
need
to graduallyintroduce
separateactivities
in nonthreatening
ways,sheadds.For
example,
try goingon
a doubledatewith
anothercouple.Each
partnerin the couple
seesa differentmovie
with a memberof the
oppositecouple.When
eachmoviehasended,
thefour reconvene
to
discussthe moviesover
coffee.Thistypeof timelimitedactivitydoesn't
arouseanxietyin the
couple,andit alsohelps
the couplerealizethat
beingapartmightnot
beso badafterall,says
Mencher.
STEPTWO:Connect
with othercouples.
Forexample,BarbElgin
Why Women Are so Close
Part of the reason why women, in particular,
can become so close is because of gender
socialization-not
necessarily sexual orien,
tation, says Bepko. "Women are taught to be
more focused on relationships-to be helpers,
to be overly engaged in their relationships, to
be over,focused on the other person rather
than themselves;' she says.
And we can't forget that in some wayregardless of our gender-our
past affects
our present, says Barb Elgin. Elgin is a licensed
psychotherapist and certified singles coach
who specializes in the dating and relationship
concerns of lesbian women. "We all have
a history that we bring forward. The type of
parenting you had is critical to the formation
of your romantic relationships and how confi,
dent you are in a relationship;' she adds.
The good news is that experts say loss of
identity in lesbian relationships is becoming
far less frequent. They attribute this to a more
open and accepting society in which coupled
lesbians don't need to think of themselves as
"us against the world:'
However, for some couples, it continues to
be a problem.
When Close is Too Close
MThen the words: "Give me my space!" start
offersa couplescirclein
whichcouplesnationwidecanengageto hear
others'storiesabout
whatstrategieshave
workedfor them.
STEPTHREE:
Don'tbe
afraidto seekprofessionalhelp,when
necessary.
Visitthe
AmericanPsychological
Association's
website
(apa.org)
or the National
Association
for Social
Workers(socialworkers.
org)to locatesomeonein yourarea.Look
to creep up in everyday conversation, that
might be an indication that one or both
partners feels a loss of individuality and is
desperately trying to regain it, says Elgin.
There are also other clues that a loss of
identity might be occurring in a relationship.
"If fusion is an issue, you will constantly put
yourself on the back burner and constantly
defer to the other person. You won't risk
conflict, and you will tell yourself that it's
more important to take care of her needs than
it is to take care of your own;' says Bepko.
Sometimes a loss of identity may be dis,
guised as something else, says Mencher,
adding that many couples may present with
the complaint that they never have sex or that
they fight all the time. Worst,case scenario is
that one partner has shut down emotionally or
even cheated on her partner in an attempt to
subconsciously reassert her identity, she adds.
How to Make it Work
Just because a couple may be merged doesn't
mean the relationship is doomed or that they
should call it quits, experts say. Establishing
a framework to ensure that each individual
doesn't lose sight of her own goals, interests
and desires is an important first step toward
sustaining any relationship, says Mencher.
Erica Friedman, 45, and her partner Pattie,
for a therapistwho
specializes
in lesbian
issues,saysMencher.
Sometimes
a simple
Google
searchfor "lesbiantherapist"in your
areawill dothetrick.
STEPFOUR:
Recognize
the waysin which
individuality
has
contributed
to zestor
vitalityin the relatlonshipin the past.
Thismakesthe ideaof
untanglingsomeof that
fusiona little lessthreatening,saysMencher.
47-who
recently celebrated their 28,year
anniversary-says it is their differences that
have ironically brought them closer together.
Although they share similar interests, they
each also maintain separate hobbies and
friends, says Friedman.
"Cultivate your own life. Have your interests
so that it balances out;' she says. "The most
important person in the world should be
you. The second most important person
should be your partner:'
Experts say it is this individuality-as
well as flexibility-that
makes relation,
ships survive and thrive in the long run.
Relationships change over time. New situ,
ations arise. If the relationship can't be
flexible enough and the boundaries around
the couple can't be permeable enough to
allow change to happen, then it's a problem;'
says Mencher.
Mencher warns that the aging process
can be difficult for couples who are intensely
merged because aging often brings with it
illness, loss and separation due to alterna,
tive living situations. She adds that having
children is another life change that can be
difficult for merged couples because it means
that the couple must learn to fl.exits bound,
aries, cope with separation and allow other
people into their lives. ■
October 2011
I25
LAUGH
TRACK
Still Standing
Comic Jessica Kirson 's powerful stage presence. By Merryn Johns.
A proud New Jersey native, and a veteran
of the New York City stand-up scene where
she was doing 10 to 20 shows a week,Jessica
Kirson has been seen on VHl, Bravo,
Showtime, and Comedy Central, survived
reality TV with Celebrity Apprentice and
Last Comic Standing, and has appeared on
Last Call With Carson Daly and The Tonight
Show with Jay Leno. Larger than life, she can
belt out a blues tune and is prone to staging
public displays of eccentricity like talking
to trashcans and laughing uncontrollably
in shopping malls. Yes, she is a lesbian but it
doesn't define her, and no, she won't conform
to lesbian standards of political correctness:
"Don't try to suppress me because I will go
nuts!" She may make you uncomfortable,
but mostly she'll make you laugh hysterically
as she pokes fun at our hang-ups about sex,
food, family and cultural stereotypes. She's
angry, she's hungry and she's one not-to-bemissed lesbian comic.
Is there still a lot of discrimination
against
femalecomics?
Yes, and the only way to change it is to get
better and better as a comic.
Whoarethemostpowerful
womenin comedy?
Chelsea Handler, Kathy Griffin, Roseanne
and Rosie O'Donnell.
Theydon'talwaysplaynice.Isit becoming
more
acceptable
thatwomencan'own'comedy?
The only way to make it as a comic is to own
it and be a "bitch" and not worry so much
about what everyone thinks. The most successful female comics are the most free. Look
at Lisa Lampanelli.
WhataboutEllenDeGeneres?
I'm surprised that she doesn't have more
female comics on her show. Rosie O'Donnell
always supported women that she thought
were really talented. She tried to help us.
JoyBeharhasbeenverysupportive
ofyou,too.
I adore her. I've been on her show 12 times
and she's been incredible to me. I was leaving
Joy's show the last time and I was walking
out of the studio and she yells out, "Jessica,
26
J
curve
if you weren't a lesbian I would be with you!"
It was hysterical. The last thing I need is a
friendship.
Youdogaygigs,Jewishgigs,straightgigs.Do
yougetanything
outof makingmenlaugh?
Yes, because it's unbelievably powerful. I
have so much control over men on stage it's
amazing. It's like being a comedy dominatrix. I know the minute I get up there they're
thinking, This is a woman, she's not going to
be funny. I love making men laugh-I have
them in the palm of my hand, and then I can
destroy them. [Laughs] I have a lot of male
energy and I think that helps me.
Wheredoesyouronstage
powercomefrom?
It comes from inner rage. I'm not an angry
person but a lot of things make me angry. My
mother is a therapist. She had clients in the
house my whole life so I always had to stay
quiet. I feel like so many women are so suppressed. I feel like I'm trying to let out what
they're bottling up inside. I had a woman say
to me, "I can't come see you. You scare me:'
And I'm the nicest person.
Youdocontroversial
material.Likea onenight
standwherethewomanaskedyouto beviolent
to her.Is violence
againstwomeneverfunny?
First of all, it's about sex. I'm not up there
saying, "Isn't it hysterical when men beat the
shit out of women!"
Soin thatbit,whatwasgoingon in thathotel
roomthatnight?
It was about sex and status. It was what she
was into but it made me uncomfortable.
Youpushboundaries
inotherareas,likeJewish
andAfricanAmerican
culture.
Jewish people can take a joke, and believe
it or not, so can black people. I have never
once had an African American person say to
me they were offended. It's the white, tight,
politically correct people that get so freaked
out and I actually feel sorry for them. I am so
grateful that I can let go and laugh at things
and be free for an hour.
Whatistabooto you?
I would never say anything about my family or
my child that I would regret. I'm not doing
this to make money, believe it or not, or
have fame. I'm doing this to hopefully get
to a point where I have enough power in my
career to make a positive change and help
people. vessicakirson.com) ■
curve--- ...
the best-selling
lesbian
magazine
presents
flawles
Tying the
Together
-
tickets and more info at:
WWW. THETIEPARTY.COM
POLITICS
The Other Side of Power
The femmes fatales of the right leave us craving a progressive counterpart.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Many of us don't like to talk about it because
the reality is too painful to accept, but the
fact remains that when it comes to accepting
women in the higher echelons of politics, the
right has not only embraced the idea, it has
exalted it.
Meanwhile, the center~left-what used to
be the actual left-has consistently under~
cut women candidates, most recently in the
historic 2008 election when Hillary Clinton
was targeted more by the center~left than by
the right, despite winning the popular vote in
the primary.
That same election-for better or worsealso gave rise to the most recognizable women
2s
Icurve
in American politics today: Sarah Palin,
Michele Bachmann and Nikki Haley.
Palin did what no center~left candidate
had been able to do in 100 years: She started
a new political party and helped elect more
than 100 newcomers to political office.
Those Palin helped elect include Nikki
Haley, who is both the first woman and
first person of color to be governor of South
Carolina; and, at 39, she is also the youngest
governor in the country. Haley is roundly
considered a future presidential contender.
While progressives like me find the
Tea Party and the majority of its political
stances repugnant, there's no denying that
powerful women are a part of it-and that
the Democratic Party has no corresponding
female power base. Nancy Pelosi was in
many ways a disappointing speaker of the
House, because all too often she was unable
to fulfill her job requirement-opposing
the
Republican hierarchy.
Conversely, at press time, Bachmann was
running a very close second to Mitt Romney
in the Republican candidacy for president
While many of us have hoped that a womanNew York's Amy Goodman has been mentioned repeatedly in progressive circleswould challenge the Obama presidency from
the left, thus far no challengers at all have
come forward to offer us a progressive option.
Thanks to its lackluster leadership, which
is oppressively, stagnantly male, the centerleft is languishing.
Smart, savvy and soignee, the female
leadership on the right has ignited and excited
what had become in the Bush-Cheney years a
party of good ol' boys largely in the over-60
demographic. Rallies led by these women
have supercharged conservativeaudiences, who
see them as strong, beautiful and sexy-yet
as living their conservative politics. Younger voters have been wooed by
these women much the
way younger voters were
wooed by Obama.
John McCain may still
have regrets about choosing then-Alaska Governor
Palin as his vice-presidential running mate in 2008,
but American politics has
never been the same since
he did. Whether those to
the left of center want to acknowledge it or
not, Palin has had a powerful influence on
American politics in the three years since
Obama won the presidency.
From the outset, Palin's charisma was
equal to that evinced by Obama during the
election. She magnetized crowds. I witnessed this myself while covering an event
in Philadelphia during the campaign. I was
surprised to see how compelling a personality
she was, how able to reach out to people,
how charming to both men and women.
But beyond her charisma, Palin had a powerful political message. Those who disbelieve
that power should look at the November
2010 elections: Palin played a large part in
delivering Tea Party members into the halls
of Congress and into governors' mansions.
Some of the strongest candidates-Kenucky's Rand Paul and Florida's Mark Rubio
s well as Haley-credit her with campaign
upport that led them to victory.
But Palin's most dramatic political sucess was killing health care reform. It was
alin who single-handedly manipulated the
ebate by introducing the terms 'cleath panls" and "restrictions on care:' Palin first put
orth her argument in April 2009, but the
president and the Democratic maJonty in
Congress ignored her-to disastrous effect.
Within weeks, the fear-mongering aspects
of the debate were established and Palin and
the Republican congressional minority were
in control of it.
By the time President Obama got around to
discussing health care reform himsel£ nearly
a year had passed and vital
momentum had been lost.
The resulting reform package
were saying she should withdraw from the
race for the good of the party.
Cynthia McKinney's Green Party candidacy
for president receivednone of the media attention that Ralph Nader's had, yet McKinney
was a mainstream-left candidate. A former
member of Congress and a former member of
the Black Caucus with a strong background
We have no left-leaninggrassroots
movement,no GreenTea Party,
and we most definitelyhave no
femaleleadershipto fomentit.
did little for consumers
and voters rebelled at the
polls in November 2010.
Center-left bloggers and
punditsconsittentlyreferto
Palin, Bachmann and other Republican women
in leadership roles as 'crazy" and "stupid:' This
language attempts to negate the power these
women hold. It also reflects the disturbing
reality that there's scant acceptance of women
in leadership roles on the other side-our
side-of the aisle.
The Tea Party women are anything but
stupid; the sheer impact of their arguments
and the effort they put into their agenda is
clear evidence of that.
Those of us who are deeply engaged in the
politics of the left question why there is no
place for a Palin, a Bachmann, or a Haley on
our side. We have no left-leaning grassroots
movement, no Green Tea Party, and we
most definitely have no female leadership
to foment it.
If the center-left had supported Hillary
Clinton, she would be president today. After
she won the popular vote, many of the superdelegates deserted her for a charismatic rn:an.
Even when she won state after state, pundits
in civil rights, she was a feminist with a proqueer platform. In the general election, she
was the best choice for president, as I wrote
here at the time. Why was she ignored?
• Since Palin, Bachmann and Haley have
come onto the national scene, they have been
attacked with much of the same vicious, sexist
and anti-woman rhetoric that was hurled at
Clinton and McKinney. And like Clinton
and McKinney, they have found that many
of their attackers have come from the centerleft. (I will never forget-or forgive-Keith
Olbermann for saying during the 2008
primary that some superdelegate should
take Hillary into a back room and that only
he should come out. MSNBC forced him to
apologize.)
For us to get what we need from our leaders,
we need women as leaders. We on the left
need to promote female leadership as strongly
as those on the right have done. It's way past
time for us to have the strong female leadership we deserve. ■
October 2011
I 29
.HE TRUE IDENTITYof Wonder Woman
has now been revealed: Leslie Ezelle, a designer,
mother of four kids (and mom to three dogs, two
cats, two turtles and one hamster), former Dallas
Cowboys Cheerleader, wife to Libby-and a breast
cancer survivor. She is also the new face of gay, having
recently come out on episode 3 HGTV's Design Star
by mentioning her wife, and challenging mainstream
America's view of what a lesbian looks like, and what
a lesbian family looks like.
"It blew their minds, especially with the Dallas
Cowboys cheerleader thing," says the irrepressible
Texan. Ezelle's blended family (a daughter of her own
and Libby's three children from a previous heterosexual marriage) also made a splash in their Dallas
community, but that was to be the least of their challenges. "We got married in 2008 in Cape Cod, where
it's legal, and that same weekend the market crashed,
and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So,
wham, bam, thank you ma'am:'
Ezelle struggled for two years with six surgeries
and six weeks of radiation, but is still thankful. "I
always say I got the best type of breast cancer you can
get: it was found early... but I just kept getting handed
these cards, like, you're not done yet:' Ezelle suffered
through numerous infections and while in hospital,
she would put makeup on and hide the IVs; she even
had her hairdresser pay a visit and do her roots-for
the sake of the kids.
"I didn't want them to worry. It was depressing
and hard and we got through it and I started having
these soul-searching questions burning inside of me
about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted
a design show, combining my background in theatre
and my love of performing with what I do for a living,
which is design:'
Breast cancer ended up being a motivator for Ezelle:
"I wanted my kids to see that breast cancer will not
define me; I will come back from this, even better, and
do exactly what I want to do in life. I'm going after my
TWO LESBIAN BREASTCANCER
SURVIVORS ARE FIGHTING THE
DISEASE IN A CREATIVE WAY.
ST
BY MERRYN JOHNS
30
Icurve
GIVING
CANCER
ATKO
dream:' And did she ever. She got that design show,
and while others may regret their lifo being placed
under the microscope of reality TV, Ezelle relishes it.
"It's like walking around and having a soundtrack;'
she says-a boost except for when the camera "shows
all the pores in my nose;' she jokes.
But the design star hasn't stopped dreaming;
Ezelle wants more, all in the name of visibility-visibility for lesbians, lesbian families and breast cancer
survivors. Consequently, she was thrilled to be made
this year's Susan G. Komen Honorary Chairperson
for The Race for the Cure, and raised $30,000.00 in
just one month.
For this October, which is National Breast Cancer
Awareness Month, she has also embarked on her
most ambitious design project yet. She sat for a series
of photographs that evoke the iconic images of
Marilyn Monroe-except
this blond bombshell
wears a pink ribbon-as part of her goal to bring
sexy back, even after breast cancer. 'T ve been cut on
so many times I feel maimed. Like I'm not a woman.
You lose that part of yourself and you think you're
never going to get it back. But you can feel sexy after
breast cancer:'
And to symbolize this fighting spirit on a monumental scale she has put her artistic skills to use and
designed an eye-popping installation: a super-sized
bra, 13 feet high by 7 feet wide, made of metal straps
and hanging on a metal branch signifying the "tree of
life:' The bra sculpture, a symbol of feminine power,
will tour Dallas and hopefully the country, raising
awareness about breast cancer. Whether you are
a breast cancer survivor or not, Ezelle has this life
lesson for you: "Get busy living, for life is fragile!"
(komen.org)■
EATHER "COUGAR" PERRY, 35, was diagnosed
with stage 3 breast cancer in July 2010. And that wasn't
the end of the bad news: She also tested positive for the
BRCA2 gene mutation, which meant she was at high risk for
developing breast and ovarian cancer prior to menopause.
On August 3, 2010, she had a bilateral mastectomy (the
removal of both breasts) and removal of five lymph nodes
in her right armpit. She started aggressive chemotherapy
followed by radiation therapy, five days a week for six weeks
straight and then physical therapy to prevent lymphedema
and swelling in her my right arm. Her body is a battleground,
but she will not be defeated. To keep her spirits aloft, Perry
started the CHAMPION project, which documents her painful, yet powerful journey in a series of feisty photographs,
soon to be made into a book. "My objective with
CHAMPION is to put a face to cancer," says Perry. "When
I was diagnosed I wanted to see photos of other women
who had a double mastectomy without reconstruction and
were in my age group. I couldn't find any, so with the help
of my photographer and roommate, Bryce Ward, I started to
photograph my journey." The book is ready for publication
and Perry is looking for support and publicity. You can get
behind her project on her Facebook page, Champion: My
Photo Journey with Breast Cancer, and look out for her webpage which launches for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Perry has a heartfelt message for curve readers: "Know your
family's medical history on both your father's and mother's
side. And get a mammogram if you haven't had one yet.
This is especially important to women who have a history
of breast cancer in their family. Do not wait. It's all about
awareness, prevention and detection!" ■
October 2011 j 31
From coming out to claiming her
musical identity, the platinum-selling
pop star is blazing her own trail.
By Dave Steinfeld
"This morning, I felt like Fiver," muses Vanessa Carlton. We're discussing Watership Down, the novel
by English author Richard Adams, and she is referring to one of the book's main characters-a
rabbit
who's intuitive and anxious. Carlton's long-awaited fourth studio album, Rabbits on the Run, which
was released at the end of July, was partially inspired by the book. Rabbits is a beautiful record but
also a departure from her earlier work in certain ways. For one thing, it marks her debut for Razor & Tie
Records. But on a deeper level, the disc is less pop-oriented than most of Carlton's previous releases.
It's a lush, lovely album that almost seems like one long suite and that reeks of rural England more than
her adopted hometown of Manhattan. This is hardly surprising; Carlton recorded Rabbits with British
producer Steve Osborne in the English countryside-at
Peter Gabriel's Real World St,udios.
NG
rl NDI
Carlton, who is now 31, first
arrived on the pop music scene
in 2002 and was pretty much
an out-ofthe-box success. Her
debut album, Be Not Nobody, went platinum, propelled by
the infectious, irresistible hit, ''A Thousand Miles" and the
sophomore single, "Ordinary DaY:' Over the next couple
of years, Carlton became a bona fide
that moment, I felt comfortable about sharing
[my sexual orientation] with them. I felt like it
might comfort them to know that about me:'
"So that's where that came from;' Carlton
continues. ''And then, I kind of forgot about [it]. So there
was not some formality to that. [Coming out] was an
extremely organic moment. I don't think it's a big deal. But
there's other people that suffer greatly because of their
feelings. They're up against
serious challenges with their
family or their friends or
society. Everyone has their own series of challenges and
pressures. Maybe I can bring some comfort to these people,
I don't know:'
Rabbits on the Run doesn't deal directly with the singer's
sexuality but it is a personal effort nonetheless. Musically,
~:~::o!:,-,:;~=~::::n~~::;,
VANE5 5A
hit version of the Joni Mitchell classic
"Big Yellow Taxi" and dated Third Eye
Blind frontman Stephan Jenkins (whose past paramours
include Charlize Theron). Carlton also scored more hits,
including the wonderful "Nolita Fairytale;' an.ode to her
neighborhood in New York City.
But over the past few years, by her own admission,
Carlton has endured some rough times. She battled health
issues, ended her relationship with Jenkins and suffered
a bout of writers' block. She started reading more and
going out less. And in June of last year, she very casually
came out as bisexual while performing at Nashville
Pride. "When I play, I talk in between some of the songs;'
Carlton explains. ''And there were some kids [at the Pride
show], particularly in the front, that seemed to me to be
very much in pain. I don't know why. They were supportive of each other [but] they seemed like they had to fix
something or they were rebelling against something. In
~~
RLTON
;~:::i!i:u.hs~n:;,c::::r.::7!~:
and minor key melodies
to the ch1ldrens choir that
pops up in "I Don't Want to
Be a Bride;' the second song on the album. Lyrically, this
is even truer. The song that broke Carlton's case of writer's
block was, in fact, called "London:'
The album kicks off with "Carousel;' the first single and
a song that came to Carlton in a dream. "I woke up at 3:30
and it was really just a simple scale, just a little ascending
l__.,/ \
October 2011
I33
line;' she says and then sings the
chorus for me. "I thought that
was pretty good, so I went to my piano and put it quickly
on my laptop. And literally, the majority of the lyrics were
written right there in my bed with a beam oflight from my
Blackberry:'
The disc's most haunting song has to be "Hear the
Bells":
"December,crossingarms in Chinatown as the wind
starts to cut through/ Always, alwayson the lookout
but thepoison'srunningthroughyou/ My stomachaches,
try to concentrate/ Walk thestairsto thethirdfloor/ Now
I'm askingthe witchdoctor/ But the witchdoctorwon't
tell/ Hear the bells... "
Carlton says that "Hear the Bells"
may be her favorite track on Rabbits.
Explaining how the song came about,
she says, "I was suffering a lot physically.
I was very sick. And it was the kind of
thing where there was no clear remedy.
In hindsight, I think my mind made my
body sick. I've never said this before, but
"Hear the Bells"... It's kind of a map. The
lyrics draw out this map of a path that I
walked to figure out how to cure mysel£
The idea that the bells are there the
whole time is so simple and so relieving.
Because if your mind makes you sick,
your mind can make you better:'
During that time, Carlton discovered that she also had
fertility issues. "Even though I'm not ready to have a child,
I was at risk of not being able to have my own child-to
get pregnant. I'm completely open to the idea of adopting.
But I never thought it would hit me the way that it did
when the doctor said that I was seriously at risk unless I
take some things and change my lifestyle. It was devastat,
ing. I've changed fundamentally a lot of things in my life
and "Hear the Bells" kind of chronicles that path-that
kind of walk that I had to go
on to figure out how to make
things better. Every morning
to this day, I still boil a bag of
herbs that my witch doctor
gave me in Chinatown:'
She adds, "The notion [of
hearing the bells] is univer,
sal. You can say the bells are
something celestial, [that]
you're hearing something in
your mind that is pure and
healing and it's there with you
all the time. So much happens
when you choose to see things this way, and that's what
that song is about:' For the record, Carlton is feeling much
healthier now.
When I ask her about some of the women who have
been major influences on her, Carlton mentions everyone
from musicians like Stevie Nicks, Carole King and Rickie
Lee Jones to writers like Fran Lebowitz and Rebecca
Solnit to her mom. But the one woman in particular who
inspires her is Sofia Coppola. She tells me, "Sofia [has] a
very distinct aesthetic and it reflects through every facet of
her projects, down to the font and layout of [the] posters
for her films. I admire that clear thread that runs through
everything she creates. In order to do that, you have to be
very self,aware and understand
clearly what is honest to you and
what isn't. I've fumbled through a
lot of my own projects and made
a lot of compromises sound,wise
that don't reflect who I really am
at the core. With Rabbits,I figured
out how to preserve my aesthetic
from beginning to end. Sofia has
been doing it since the beginning
and I think that's amazing:'
One of Carlton's dreams, she
says, is to have Coppola direct
her video.
For the remainder of 2011,
Carlton will mainly be supporting
Rabbits with performances. And she plans to go back to
England again soon. Clearly,she was in her element making
the album there. "The weather there is like a down blanket;'
she says. "It was like going to the most lush music censer,
vatory in another time. Whatever dimension Lord of the
Rings was in-that's where I lived and worked for a year. (I
had] t?is perfect balance of work and being in nature and
being around people that were crafting beautiful things. It
really was heaven:' (vanessacarlton.com)
■
THE LYRIC5
DRAWOUT
THl5 M/\P Of
I\ Pl\TH THAT
I W/\Ll<EDTO
flGUREOUT
HOWTO CURE
MY5ELf.
34 I curve
hen you enter Traci Dinwiddie's home, you enter an artist's
wonderland. Color splashes from every wall, and music spills from her
computer. The rooms are filled with musical instruments and whimsical
objects. A dozen drums greet you at the door, and goddesses look down
from atop bookshelves, filled to capacity. The corners are occupied by
paintings, unframed canvasses leaning one against the other; pain, poetry
and celebration flow across their surfaces.
There's a pair of homemade stilts, a hula-hoop, poi balls, and reenact movie scenes. When Star Wars came along,
hand-puppets, a didgeridoo, a kung fu staff and a tutu.
I couldn't decide if I wanted to be Han Solo or Princess
"Who is this woman:"' I wonder. As we talk, I get my Leia. They were both bad-ass. It didn't dawn on me until
answer.
later that I could be both:'She laughs, and I notice a stick-on
'Tm a dancer;' she says. Dinwiddie's frame and carriage
moustache gracing a painting of a dancer.
convey the strong, graceful form of someone who respects
It was in a college theater class that acting really grabbed
and cherishes movement. "Well, I always wanted to be
Dinwiddie. "It was a spiritual experience for me to have
a dancer. I feel like my heart and soul are connected to
someone really seeing you, because you're using your body
dance. My artistry is informed by my body-wisdom:'
as a canvas. You're using every bit of yourself to create a
She's quick to say she's not a trained dancer, but to anystory, to reflect humanity:'
one who has seen her move, her training is
And oh, what a lovely canvas she has.
completely irrelevant. There are places where
Dinwiddie, who was recently considered
you can see a person's soul. For Dinwiddie, it's
From
for the television role of Wonder Woman,
when she's dancing.
Supernatural
is a West African drummer and certified
"Growing up I would dance every day in my
to Sapphic
yoga instructor. Let's just say Madonna
has nothing on her arms.
living room or roller skate in my basement, preromance' Traci
For real.
tending to be Olivia Newton John:' I imagine a
Dinwiddie has
And her voice?"Early on I was terrified
miniature version of this graceful woman glidearned her
ing around her basement singing "Xanadu:'
of my voice, because it was so loud and
Sadly, Dinwiddie 's career as a professional
cult following.
booming. I would actually cry when I
dancer started and ended with a ruptured disc
By Kristin
sang:'
on a movie set, dancing a piece choreographed
Flickinger
But she worked it out and found herself
by Paula Abdul. "I was wearing a 100-pound
in one of her favorite roles as Patsy Cline in
costume, and I felt it go:' The pain in her voice
Always... Patsy Cline in a theater producis palpable.
tion in Wilmington, N.C. Listening to her croon "Crazy;' I
Fortunately for her fans, Dinwiddie is multi-talented.
find myself smiling. I can't imagine a better fit. When she
She wasn't just dancing and skating in her basement. "My
talks about the role, she runs her hands over her body and
sister and I would make up amazing, fantastical stories
closes her eyes."It was like I was pregnant with Patsy:'
Dinwiddie doesn't just play a role, she becomes
the character. It's what inspires her about her craft.
When she played Patsy, her home was filled with
stacks of books about the singer. She watched
live performances and studied her mannerisms
and dialect. When she played Sara Leaves (Demi
Moore's psychotic kidnapper in Mr. Brooks), she
opted not to shave her legs and armpits. "I let myself be burly and took on this clingy,gritty energy. I
felt enthralled imagining her thoughts, journaling
from her perspective, seeing the world through her
lens:' Shivering, she continues, "I like to crawl into
TANTALIZING
36
I curve
a character-body, mind and soul-to flesh out a story:'
This ability to embrace a character fully has led to some
powerful roles. For her portrayal of Peyton Lombard in last
year's lesbian feature film by Nicole Conn, Elena Undone,
Dinwiddie has become a poster girl for lesbian romance.
And her role as bad-ass psychic Pamela Barnes in the television series Supernatural, has genre fans begging for more.
I ask what it's like to be a cult icon for both LGBT and
sci-fi/fantasy audiences.
"It's. So. Hot. I have the most loyal, rockin' fans a girl
could ask for. They're full of fiery interest in my work and
personal endeavors:'
Indeed they are. Just one look at her Twitter feed
(@GrooveGoddess) reveals rabid fans, male and female,
from all over the world hurling adoration and even the
occasional marriage proposal.
It's no wonder. Dinwiddie's spirit flows from her. There's
a deliberateness in her speech that
feels like she's telling her story for
the first time; a consciousness in
her communication reflecting the
life she chose after her first visit to
L.A.
''As much as I wanted to act in
L.A., my instinct told me it wasn't
time yet. I knew I needed to get
sober if I wanted to live a good,
groovy life. So I went back to North
Carolina, surrendered and grew:'
That's when she found drumming, yoga and Rumi. "It was like,
in that decade, a whole new life was
revealed to me. Poetry, music, dance,
drumming, community, healing:'
Sober life mingled with the
Southern charm of her upbringing,
and the irreverent goo~ness she
wears on her sleeve; Dinwiddie is
tender and beautifully compassionate. "I try to live by the wise words
of Rumi: 'Let the beauty we love be what we do: Rumi
also says, 'Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu,
Buddhist, Sufi, or Zen ... only that breath-breathing human
being: And to me, that's it. That's the bomb-diggity!"
She really means it. Even as a child, after she said her
prayers and climbed into bed, Dinwiddie would take
time to sing to the devil. ''All the depictions I saw made
him seem so sad and lonely. I wanted to cheer him up, so I
would sing to him:'
Now that's the bomb-diggity.
It's just about this time when I start considering a
marriage proposal of my own, and wonder aloud if she
believes in soul mates. "I do. I believe that some are meant
for short spurts of time and some are meant for lifetimes.
Soul mates come into your life to inspire you to love from
a place that is holy:'
Not only is she smart, beautiful and talented, this
woman is romantic. Is she seeing anyone?
''After many years of flying solo, I believe I've met my
match. Yes,I'm seeing a wonderful, romantic artist, and she
is fantastic:'
From where I sit, she's also incredibly fortunate.
What's next for Dinwiddie?
"Next is a continuation of pursuing acting, and developing my own web series; producing my first short film,
Anhedonia; taking on larger roles across the board as
producer or director with my own production company. I
want to tell meaningful and magical stories:'
May we suggest she start with a comedy about singing
to the devil. ( tracidinwiddie.com) ■
Country spirit:
Traci Dinwiddie
as music legend
Patsy Cline
October 2011
I37
October 2011 j 39
Hip Hop, Information Society, all that stuff. That was the
cool stuff back then.
HowdidyougofromDJingin thedormto DJingat Madonna's
wedding?
(Laughs] Right place at the right time! No, I don't knowI met someone who I'm very close with to this very day,
Ingrid Casares. She owned a club in Miami called Liquid
in the '90s. She knew a lot of celebrities and a lot of people
would frequent her club, she was the greatest creative support and friend, I owe a lot to her. She introduced me to
Madonna and the rest is history.
Haveyoufaceda lot of challenges
beinga womanin what's
stereotypically
a verymaledominated
field?
Yes. I still face those challenges, because I don't care what
anybody says, I'm not a girl that dresses halfnaked, I'm
about the music and I will go in tennis shoes and a T-shirt
if that's what I feel like, in that moment
Wasit hardforyouto suddenly
haveyoursexuality
outthere
becauseof yourrelationship
with KimZolciakon the Real
Housewives
ofAtlanta?
I was going through a lot of very personal hardships
already, so that certainly-it wasn't my choice, it wasn't
easy for me, but I really have no regrets in my life. What
Kim and I had in my opinion was something that was
special, and it ended unfortunately in a very ugly way
simply because of her choice to make those decisions and
me having little to no control over her choice. I mean, she
has a very public voice and although I do as well I kind of
chose to stay quiet through that whole thing. I don't know
if that was the right choice or the wrong choice, but looking
back maybe I wish I had done some things differently, but
at the same time Kim made me laugh at a time I was really
unable to for a lot of really personal reasons. She came into
my life for a reason and she's no longer in my life but I wish
her the best.
Arethereanymisconceptions
thatyouwouldliketo clearup?
I used to tell Kim this: if you are going to come out and
tell it, make it the whole truth and not just hal£ When she
did come out and talk about the relationship the perception
I had of the relationship was very different than her perception-and her public perception was different from the one
that happened behind closed doors. I've been in the closet
before in my life and I'm not going back in it. She really
didn't think about a lot before she did it, and I wish she had,
but it's over and I don't regret it. I've moved on and she's
moved on, she's got a family now, and I really have a love
for Kim. She's a good person but I'm in a different place
in my life.
Speaking
of a newplace,you'vemovedto NewYork.Howhas
thatchange
ofscenery
beenforyou?
I should've moved there sooner. I'm kind of back and forth
between Miami and New York. But I'm in such a New York
state of mind right now.
It's been great for me personally, I've made a lot of really
solid new friendships and as far as career-wise, I'm working
with Astrid Suryanto, we're working on an album. I'm
doing radio every week on XM on Electric Area, I'm doing
podcasts, I'm starting another radio show. I'm also working
on some TV stuff. It's been really, really inspirational but
what New York has done for me has been getting me back
to the roots of my music.
I hearyouhavea clothing
lineintheworks.
I had a clothing line in Miami. I had the Ed Hardy factory
produce all these T-shirts and it was a really cool thing and
I really thought I had something going. Then the economy
took a nosedive and I lost my shirt. No pun intended.
(Laughs] Anyway, I learned about Cafe Press and ... it was
a good way to relaunch.
What'snextforyou?
I really want to see this clothing line take of£ I really want
to put out my own original music and collaborations with
the people I've met over the years, a lot of the pop singers
and remixes I've done. I want to transform myself into an
original producer more than a mixer. I think I've remixed
everyone under the sun except for J-Lo, so I've got to make
that happen before I stop. I'd like to finish something, how
about that? ( tracyyoung.com)
■
40
I curve
are
e esb1ans
scene
p win equal rights and change the course of
Which lesbians are enhancing our visibility and
challenging stereotypes about what lesbians look like?
e often un
g heroines
•
re
eF
==========================================
the activist
entrepreneur
Judy Dlugacz runs the largest lesbian-feminist company in the world.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
As a cofounder and the longtime president of Olivia
Companies, LLC, Judy Dlugacz has spent nearly four
decades providing lesbian~feminist entertainment for
hundreds of: thousands of women worldwide. And she's
done it with a core staff she calls "small and mighty:'
"Olivia is the largest lesbian business there is in the
world," Dlugacz says with understandable pride. "There is
nothing larger. It's pretty amazing. Our 40th anniversary
is next year:'
Olivia began in the early 1970s with a commitment to
creating change-for women, but for lesbians in particular.
In 2011, that remains Dlugacz's mission.
"I've always considered myself a political activist;' she
asserts. "When we started Olivia there were 10 of us. I
was 20 years old. We were activists and we were radical
and we believed that the world would change and that we
would make it happen:'
Dlugacz wants succeeding generations to understand
just what inspired her to create Olivia, a company she refers
to repeatedly as "she:' "It's really important to teach the
history. We want younger women to know how Olivia
started and how she became what she is today:'
The process so many lesbians are familiar with-a
lesbian group gets together and tries to run a company
entirely with volunteers-was
exactly what the Olivia
founders wanted to avoid.
"When we did that-all volunteers with other jobswe all burned out, eventually, and things fell apart. But if
we could make a living and create jobs and a financial basis
to build on ... " then the business could continue to develop
and expand and become a force to be reckoned with.
As the Olivia collective's business concept was evolving,
a .singer~songwriter who is now a legendary music icon
appeared in their lives.
"Cris Williamson comes to town and the idea then
became (to] bring our activism together and create a
movement;' says Dlugacz. "And we did. We helped create
a movement, a place where people-women,
lesbianscould come together. I was the youngest and no one was
over 30 and we started the company with no money, but
now here we are, 40 years later:'
42
Icurve
Music was Olivia's first passion, and Williamson and
Meg Christian, recording for Olivia Records, were the
first big stars in what has come to be known as the women's
music movement.
"We loved it. And if we loved it, so would everybody
else;' said Dlugacz. "With our single vision we started the
record company. We produced over 40 albums from 1975
to the mid~'90s:'
At 26, Dlugacz was Olivia's sole remaining founder,
and the political organization she had started was becoming
a thriving business. But the road to success was fraught
with sexism and homophobia.
"We had this impossible task;' she explains, "to get
recognized. I couldn't always say it was a lesbian record
company because that word scared people:'
In 1982, Olivia marked her 10th anniversary with the
biggest concert in her history, according to Dlugacz, a
spectacular event at Carnegie Hall. But this huge women's
music concert garnered a scant "inch and a half in the
New York Times:' Recognition, yes, but not at the level
Dlugacz wanted.
"No matter what we did, we couldn't get mainstream
attention:'
Fast-forward to the present and Dlugacz says it's still
the case; many women and the business community at
large may not even be aware of Olivia, although Dlugacz
has a mailing list that includes thousands of women.
The company has grown and changed over the years,
morphing into a different kind of lesbian entertainment
business, one that now features a large variety women-only
travel and adventure packages and cruises. Olivia's latest
project is a retirement community. But as always, it's all
about the women.
"I greet everyone who comes on one of our cruises;'
Dlugacz states, "and I tell them, 'This is how it should be:"
Community events where a handful of women feeling
the love would pack the pews and folding chairs in church
basements and small neighborhood halls to listen to the
likes of Holly Near and Sweet Honey in the Rock, have
now become enchanting cruises and adventurous trips
where hundreds, even thousands, of women in their 20s
to their 80s experience a safe, secure, lesbian-only worldhowever briefly.
Olivia's travel programs include as few as 45 women on
a Galapagos Islands adventure, to as many as 2,000 women
on a cruise. Dlugacz says 115,000 women have taken
over 160 trips with the company-to
destinations that
range from the Caribbean to Europe, the Mediterranean,
Scandinavia, Russia, Antarctica and even, when the area
was less volatile, the Middle East.
Dlugacz's mission with the cruises and adventure travel
is not just to embrace all kinds of women but to take them
into places where their mere presence is a political event.
"A couple thousand women descending on a town and
spending money makes it clear how lesbians can build
your economy;' she explains, noting that many local newspapers have written up the arrival of the Olivia women in
countries such as Greece and Turkey.
Getting lesbians recognized as an economic power base
is part of Dlugacz's plan. Maintaining a lesbian-feminist
philosophy is another. "Originally, that's how it was.
Women came out because of lesbian feminism. Some of
them were born gay and some of them were not:'
Today, Dlugacz continues to choose a life that revolves
around empowering women and expanding Olivia. "Our
success is about being able to change and grow;' says
Dlugacz. And four decades of women touched by Olivia's
magic can only agree. (olivia.com)■
44
I curve
the•
spin
doctor
Media maverick Cathy Renna
wants us to harness our power.
By Merryn Johns
~~
::~::,~:i~:a~i:;::::pe;;s~~thy
for the LGBT community is more than
just a career-it's
a calling, and she is a
force to be reckoned with. After working
with GLAAD for 14 years-during
which time she played a critical role
•
in the shaping of the media coverage
of the death of Matthew Shepard and
successfully countering the anti-gay
rhetoric of the church officials following
its abuse scandal-Renna
went on
to found Renna Communications, a
public relations firm which specializes
in representing LGBT and progressive
organizations, and which allows
her to continue to be a powerful
spokesperson for justice and equality
for the queer community.
You"ve
beenat theforefront
ofgivingLGBTissues
prominence
for two decades.
Whichstory,event
orcausemostinfluenced
thepoliticaldialogue?
It is really almost impossible to choose after all
these years. I have been so privileged to be at
the center of many historic moments. And they
have been a real mix-from helping organize the
"come out with Ellen'' screening in Birmingham,
Ala. in 1997 when the lone ABC affiliate there
refused to air the coming out episode to all
the work I did related to the murder of Matt
Shepard-and
many other victims of hate
crimes-to the amazing 2006 experience with
~============================================I
et========
values is the biggest obstacle. We are a country in denial.
We use sex to sell everything but we don't want to talk
about it. We glorify youth in ways that feel exploitative
and inappropriate to me. We force a binary in terms
of gender identity and expression that is stifling and
unhealthy. The superficiality of so much of our
culture is a challenge in my work in many ways,
especially in terms of the glorification of celebrity
for the sake of celebrity. We certainly have a longer
way to go than places like Europe, where there is far
less prudishness and more openness to fluidity in all
parts of people's lives.
Gainscanbe madebylobbying,
butwithgaymarriage
in NewYorkit was Governor
Cuomoand backroom
powerbrokerswhogotthingsdone.HowcantheLGBT
community
itselfbemorepowerful?
We need pressure on the outside and behind the
scenes. What I admired most about Cuomo was that
he took a leadership role and also got the organizations to work together better. If we were more able to
work together-simply work better together and"play
nicely"-we would be much more powerful. If we
were less fractured into identities and more inclusive
of the diversity in the LGBT community we would be
much more powerful.
Thereare vast powerdifferencesbetweenthe four
maingroupsthat makeup the LGBTcommunity.
How
canwe createa moreequalbalanceof power?
There are four things that need to happen. One, we
must, as members of the groups you describe, claim
and own our power and be as visible as possible.
Two, we must engage allies. I have had the honor of
people thinking at different times that I am bisexual,
a leather dyke, a devout Catholic, and Jewish. I am
actually
none of those ... but I am an ally that speaks up for /
hundreds of LGBT families at the White House Easter
all
the
diverse
parts of our community without judgment
/
Egg Roll to the recent marriage victories on Washington
and
with
love
and
respect.
We
must
speak
up
for
and
deD.C. and New York. But the truth is there are so many
smaller moments that mean as much to me-getting a mand inclusion of our brothers and sisters who often do
transgender Point Foundation scholar on the front page not have as much of a voice. Third, and this is a tough one:
we must have the powerful gay white men-and frankly
of her small hometown paper, watching a child talk about
anyone else who harbors the cultural stereotypes and
their family in a way that cannot help but move those who
think our families are more different than we are alike, misinformation about bisexual, transgender and otherslook at their privilege and own issues and try and come
media training and empowering the parents of LGBT
to a different place. Finally, the biggest challenge for all of
youth to speak out and become advocates or getting an
us: we must be willing to "live in the grey:' Things are not
email from someone who has seen me on TV and said, "I
always up and down or black and white. Life-and
never thought about it that way:' I am truly blessed to not
only do what I love and enjoy but know that it makes a biology, sexuality, gender etc.-is a spectrum.
Simple answers are the refuge of those who are afraid of
difference in ways large and small.
EachyearLGBT
rightsinchforwardbutAmerica
stilllagsbehind difference and unwilling to challenge their assumptions.
therestoftheWestern
worldintermsofcomprehensive
LGBT My hope is chat we, as LGBT people, can help the rest of
the world become a place where people simply are who
rights.Whatis thebiggestobstacle?
they are, without judgment or labels. We should be at the
People forget we are a young country-the
colonized
vanguard, and in many ways we are, but we could do
America, not the Native American and First Nations peobetter. (rennacommunications.com) ■
ple. I think the way our culture is saturated with puritanical
/
/
~,
======================================
Moon was a commercial success, but the advent of Netflix
.t e
image
and the Internet has made it almost impossible to create
lesbian films without going bankrupt.
The week Elena Undonewas released it only took four
hours for the movie to be downloaded in 10 parts 30,000
times. Conn says of the pirating, "You're sitting there, dying
inside, chinking, I could've sold that for $14.99 or what,
ever and it would fund the next movie. Ir's really horrific
because we aren't in chis to make money because there is
no money to be made. We just want to be able to feed our
kids and continue making good movies:'
Skeptics of the viability of lesbian cinema contend that
lesbians simply do not go to the movies, which makes the
idea of making a film for the lesbian community a financial
black hole. Whether or not that is true, the numbers of
people supporting gay and lesbian films financially are low.
This leaves lesbian filmmakers with two choices-crowd
funding, or making bigger films with lesbian themes that
market to the mainstream (here's looking at you, The Kids
Are All Right).The problem?"Then you have a community
saying, 'Why aren't you making films for us?'" Conn says.
"It's a vicious cycle:'
A Peifect Ending was going to be made no
matter what. The idea for the film came from
Conn's partner. "Marina tells me stories all the
time. She has very high concept ideas that cost
a ton of money to make so every time she's like,
'Do you want to hear my new idea?' I'm like, Yeah, yeah
whatever." One of the stories she came up with was the
basic premise for A Peifect Ending, which so compelled
Conn she wrote it in 48 hours. "I wrapped the script up as
a gift and gave it to Marina. She loved it and said, 'Lee's
go get the money.' And I was like, Where?" The pair
campaigned for the film on Kickstarter and what began
as an intimate character sketch of two people grew into a
feature film backed by 600 people.
As for the release date of the film, Conn says, "We're
hoping for Sundance as Sundance only will do a premiere.
We're hoping. I shouldn't even say'hoping: We're going to
premiere at Sundance in January 2012 and then in general
release shortly thereafter:'
Conn's production company, Soul Kiss Films, has a sin,
gular goal-make films chat empower women."Someone
asked me, 'How does it feel to be Nicole Conn?' And I'm
like, I don't even know what you're talking about because I
feel like a normal person and a mom with lots ofkids ... but
I chink the one thing that I have been able to do success,
fully is convey emotion and that's really why people want
to go to the movies. That, and romance. I think people are
embarrassed and shy to say they like a good romance but
I think they do:'
maker
Driven filmmaker Nicole Conn
empowers and entertains lesbians.
By Jillian Eugenios
Nicole Conn has been caffeinating late in the day. She is in
the final moments of post,production on her latest film,
A Pe,fect Ending.''I've been working around the clock but
the film has turned out so amazing I don't care;' she says.
"I am so jazzed. I can't believe what we have on our hands:•
She has produced the film with her partner, Marina Rice
Bader, with whom she also shares six kids. Nicole Conn is
familiar with epic projects: she's responsible for the land,
mark lesbian films Claireof the Moon and Elena Undone,
the latter of which holds cinema's record for the longest
on,screen kiss, clocking in at three minutes and 24 seconds.
Conn was named one of the top 10 women in show
business in 2004, a secure spot in the often contentious
world of filmmaking-especially independent, niche film,
making like lesbian cinema-possibly because Conn gets
things done and makes her movies any way possible. A
Pe,fect Ending was funded entirely on the crowd,funding
website Kickstarter.
But as a filmmaker today, the odds are against Conn.
Back when Claireof theMoon was released, in 1992, women
So why not promise Nicole Conn you'll grab your honey
were throwing money at her because the last lesbian film (and a little money) and go see A PeifectEnding?We hear
to come out had been Desert Hearts in 1985. Claireof the it's premiering at Sundance. (aperfectendingmovie.com)
■
46
I curve
~fighter
Why would women want to hurt each other (and we're
not talking about the rough-and-tumble of the consensual bedroom or the occasional game of hockey)? We're
talking about the wild world of women's mixed martial
arts, a combat sport that involves kicks, throws, elbows,
knees, grappling and submissions. Mixed martial arts
(MMA), also known as cage fighting-think
of an allgirl version of the Ultimate Fighting Championship-is
a combination of boxing, dirty boxing, kickboxing,
karate, judo, wrestling and jujitsu. Sound scary? Tami
Carswell is one woman with an investment in this type
of physical power.
'J\nywhere the fight goes you better be ready to throw
down, especially against any of my fighters!" says Carswell,
an MMA veteran-turned-coach.
Although women's MMA is essentially the same sport
as men's MMA, the UFC doesn't have a women's division
and Carswell claims that Dana White, the president of
the organization, has publicly stated that women will
never fight in the UFC. White appears now to be backpedaling, citing a lack of female talent as the reason why
he is unable to create a spot for women on "The Ultimate
Fighter," his popular show on Spike TV. Could this
alleged lack of talent possibly have to do with a lack
of opportunity?
Meanwhile, as women fighters are pushing for
the growth of women's MMA on their own,
Carswell is preparing to bring a series of
shows to the Ease Coast. She is partnering with Black Eye Promotions'
Janee Martin, whose her mother
told her she couldn't wrestle
as a kid ( take that, Mom),
and Bonnie Canino, a trailblazer in women's combat
sports. "Bonnie, like many
ocher females at chat time,
was turned away from boxing
gyms and got her start through
karate and then kickboxing," explains Carswell. "Women's MMA
is not just a sport-it
is a political
movement for equal rights:'
It stands to reason chat if women
want the same rights as men-in spores
Lesbian MMA
coach Tami Carswell
lives a warrior's life.
By Merryn Johns
and in war-they'll
get hurt. "Yes, women hurt each
other;' says Carswell. "It's combat, and my motto for my
fighters is: Make them miss and make chem pay!"
Carswell knows a little something about that. She
first fell in love with boxing in California when, during
a sparring match against a coach-who had just taught
her some basics-she threw an uppercut and gave him a
black eye. "That was the best feeling ever for me, and I was
hooked:' But she has also been on the receiving end.
Training for a professional MMA fight, she was up
against a male wrestler who performed an intense body
slam during practice. "My clavicle came out of the shoulder
socket and ripped through the ligaments attaching it to
my shoulder," recalls Carswell. "It floats above the shoulder
now:' Thanks to that encounter, she is on a lifelong rehabilitation and maintenance routine that includes swimming
miles of breaststroke and doing endless upper-back lifts.
These days, coaching and promoting the sport are her
focus. A certified USA Amateur Boxing coach as well as a
professional boxing coach, she runs Dynamic MMA and
Boxing in Davie, Fla., and works with the American Top
Team academy in Coconut Creek, Fla., where some of the
world's best fighters train. Carswell will train anybodyher students range from those whose goal is physical
fitness to those who want to fight at the highest level.
She is out and has male fighters who are proud to have a
lesbian coach.
Even though MMA fighters risk serious bodily harm,
does the sport really deserve the negative press it sometimes receives? "It supports a lot of people's viewpoints
around it being too hard for the female body;' says
Carswell. "The sport is violent, people get hurt, and it is
possible to be seriously injured or die in the cage or ring.
If you understand what you are signing on for, then you
should be able to do what you want:' Pugilism, she believes,
should be open to any woman, straight or gay, who wants
to explore her physical power, just the way she has done.
"You have to do superhuman stuff in your training before
you even get on stage;' she says.
Charlene Strong's journey
led her from widow,
to marriage equality hero.
By Sarah Toce
t,
The world came to know
~4/1 Charlene Strong following the
tragic death of her wife, Kate Fleming.
In 2006 Fleming was trapped by a flash
''Women's MMA.is not just
a sport-it is a political
movement for equal rights."
flood in their home's basement-despite
the efforts of both Strong and the
emergency firemen called to the scene.
But it was what followed at the hospital,
when Strong was denied access to
her dying wife until she was given
permission by an out-of-state relative,
that turned Strong, then a dental office
Warning: You might lose a few lovers along the way.
Carswell is currently single because her last partner
"loved me so much but didn't love my lifestyle:' While she
says partners should never be jealous of her dedication
to those she coaches, she will admit to crushes on, and
chemistry with, those she has met in the ring. "When I
have fought or even sparred with anyone, there is a love
or a respect of that other person involved. I can say that
some of the hardest punches I ever ate really turned me
on at the same time:'
However you characterize women who enjoy violent
sports, Carswell sees them as "tough-ass ladies doing
their thing and working their sport despite the world.
You would not believe the sacrifices some women make
to even be able to fight. Any given female putting it all
in the cage or the ring after doing all the work it takes to
get there has changed so many lives. A powerful woman
trumps all, in my opinion:' (wjighter.com)■
48
Icurve
manager, into an activist powerhouse.
Strong put a face on the need for
marriage equality and her moving story
was the basis for the award-winning
documentary for my wife ... and was
essential in helping to defeat a proposed
repeal of domestic partnership rights
in her home state, Washington, in
2007. Today Strong is the Human
Rights Commissioner for the State of
Washington, and continues to fight for
equality by sharing her story around
the country and through her writing as
the newly appointed co-editor of the
online magazine, The Seattle Lesbian.
~===================================19======
the
1°
d
0
•~
WIIe
It's beenalmostfiveyearssinceyourwifepassedawayand
thesubsequent
releaseof yourfilm.Describe
whatchanged
foryousincethattime?
Everything changed after Kate's death. I lost not only Kate
that night, but lost my home and my cats went to live with
friends and it was just my little dog and me. I lived with
friends who helped me through the first two months and
then helped me see that I could move out into an apartment. I said once the world did not even smell the same,
and it was true. My world was wrapped up in a little house
with a beautiful woman and four furry friends. I was very
wrapped up in my studies to become an interior designer
and had plans to quit working to finish my studies and
then Kate was killed and well, I guess the motivation of
making a living as a designer does not hold the same passion
anymore. I joke that I am now trying to make the world
beautiful in a different way.
Howhaveyouhadto adjustto a lifein thespotlight?
Honestly, I really never think of myself as in the spotlight
and that is something I will never think is important. I
do feel very shy when folks recognize me and thank me
for my work. It is very strange when someone figures out
who I am and then starts to weep; I find myself wanting
to comfort them. The story of Kate's death was unimaginable and for folks I think it just hits them hard. Most tell
me they think of me often and that feels very comforting,
on one hand to know that I have that much kindness and
good energy coming my way. I do wish I could just have
one hour to sit with Kate and talk to her about all of this
and let her know I am fine.
Howdoyouprotectyourprivatelifeaftera tragedy?
· This has been the hardest part of my work-folks think
they know me. I have my core group of friends who really
know what a goof I am and that I am really not any
different than before; I think my friends have just learned
a new side of me. I don't think any of them had a clue my
life would change this much, and we all sometimes just
scratch our heads and wonder. Referendum 71 was our
Prop. 8 in Washington, the same old tired argument that
our state rights looked a bit too much like marriage. A
commercial was made talking about what happened with
Kate and I pretty much could not walk down the street
without someone figuring it out.
I have since met a woman, a dear friend of many years
and we started to care for each other and she and I married
during the campaign. We found out a week later that we
won in Washington State and I think I cried an entire day
from joy and exhaustion. So, to answer your question I am
very protective of my family and my private life.
Whatinspires
youto persevere
andfightforciviljusticeeven
whentimesarehard?
When I show the film and folks sit stunned and I see the
"aha" moment in their eyes, I don't think I have all the
answers, but I do have the fight in me and as long as I can
continue to push the envelope and poke around and stir
the pot and encourage others to do the same, that is why I
stay inspired. (charlenestrong.com, theseattlelesbian.com) ■
I
Caitlin Ryan has a mission to
create acceptance within families.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Echoing a line from Pink's song "Perfect;' Caitlin Ryan
wants to "change the voices in the heads" of LGBT adoles,
cents-she wants them to like themselves and she wants
their families to like them, too. When Ryan talks about
her work, you hear the fervor of a religious zealot balanced
with the pragmatism of a world,class CEO.
"I feel a profound sense of commitment, but I struggle;'
she admits. It's a matter of faith to her, this belief that LGBT
kids and their families really want and need one anotherand so, as the founder of the LGBT Family Acceptance
Project, revisiting preconceived messages about queerness
is what she does, on the road across America, across the
border into Latin America, and across the world.
It's controversial work, especially in the current "it
gets better" climate. "So many p~ople working with LGBT
adolescents were wounded by their families;' she explains.
That has set a whole construct in motion where people
working with LGBT adolescents view the families of those
kids as the enemy, because that was their own experience.
"The messages we give our youth are pretty hopeless;'
she asserts. Ryan understands where those messages are
coming from; she just thinks there's another message to
deliver, one that reinforces the bonds of community and
family."What we really need to be doing is nurturing fami,
lies, so they can nurture their kids:'
Ryan had decades of social work, community organizing
and theoretical introspection to bolster her position and
her mission. A graduate of the prestigious Smith College
School for Social Work-a
school that she couldn't
initially get into as someone who was openly a lesbianshe's now got the alphabet after her name (PhD ACSW)
to help make people listen. But she's no mere clinician,
peering at her subjects through a microscope. Her passion
for queer kids and their families is what drives her.
''I've always been a thinker;' Ryan says. "I felt that I
had to learn and absorb. But 40 years of being in the field
has given me the ability to synthesize [those] ideas:' The
the
e
50
Icurve
LGBT Family Acceptance Project evolved out of that
thoughtfulness. Years of working with families as a com,
munity organizer in Appalachia, and then in communities
in Atlanta that were just being touched by the AIDS pan,
demic, has given her a multiplicity of ideas about how to fix
the broken places.
Ryan sees today's trend to isolate LGBT youth from
pretty much everyone else as problematic."We are all about
creating separate spaces for youth. LGBT youth are being
served today by separating them from their families:'
What they really need, insists Ryan-and she says that
this is especially true for youth of color who are struggling
with racism, and for girls who are struggling with sexismis to feel they are linked to their own communities and
families.
The work Ryan is doing isn't just groundbreakingit's monumental. Before she did it, no one had actually
studied what happens within families when adolescents
come out. It's complicated, but it doesn't have to end in kids
disowning their families or parents telling their kids that
it's wrong to be queer. But those who work with kids and
families need re,education, Ryan asserts.
"Even providers today don't understand;' she says."They
a,
================================================I
t:::::=====
say,'Kids don't really understand their identities; and this
just supports the idea that many families have that this is
just a phase. Families need to understand that this per~
ception just makes kids feel bad about themselves and
their identities:'
Ryan has traveled around the U.S. and done outreach
in China, Latin America and Spain, teaching family inter~
vention strategies to adolescent mental health and family
services organizations. She gives families the information
they need to understand their LGBT kids and to show
them what their gender~variant children need. In the past
year, she has trained about 15,000 people.
The training is vital, explains Ryan, because "messages
that young people are receiving about their families are
negative. They hear things like, 'As a clinician, I know that
your parents don't understand you: Parents just need
educating about how their negative feelings about gender
variance are impacting their children;' she says.
There are many reasons to solidify the bond between
LGBT youth and their families, and have family members
deal with their negative feelings-especially i£ for example,
it is a family of color and the family is dealing with racism.
"Once these families find out about our objective research,
they start to realize that their negative attitude is actually
undermining their kids. It's a change maker:'
Ryan is at times overwhelmed by the sheer breadth of
what she wants to accomplish. "This is the most hopeful
work I have ever done, the most inspiring;' she says.
Because if she achieves her goal of making LGBT kids
and their families whole again, it will indeed get better. ■
October 2011
I51
=======================================
,
fabulous
.ernan
d
a
Sexy fitness and reality star Fernanda Rocha on love,
life and the American Dream. By Rachel Shatto
With Fernanda Rocha, everything is big: her smile, her personality, her love for the ladies
and-biggest
of all-her
dreams. The fitness-lifestyle
guru and breakout star of The Real
Housewives of Orange County didn't get where she is, at 34, by shying away from risk. Eleven years
ago, Rocha rolled the dice, leaving the familiarity and security of her home in Brazil and immigrating
to the United States to follow her dreams-despite
the fact that she barely spoke a word of English.
And the gamble has paid off handsomely. Today, she sits atop a fitness empire built on the Brazilian
philosophy of Jiinga-"lt
means good energy, good attitude," she says. Her business ventures
include a fitness DVD series, a clothing line (called Jiinga Brasil) and The Art of Fitness, her gym in
Laguna Beach. So, look out, Jillian Michaels-there's
Whatwasyourlifelike,growingupin Brazil?
My family was a vety simple family. I always had to work to
get what I wanted. But I was filled with love and support
from rµy parents ... they always let me do what I wanted to
do-in the sense that I'm a big dreamer. I always come up
with crazy stuff in my mind, and I really go for it and they
always allowed me to be who I am in that sense. I think
that's why I'm here today.
Wasit alwaysyourdreamto cometo America?
I remember watching TV and thinking, One day, I want to
be in the United States. All the students in the huge green
52
Icurve
a new sexy queer fitness maven on the scene.
grass, everybody looks so pretty, beautiful.
I always had the desire to learn more about fitness, so
when I got to the point where I was teaching for many years
back in Brazil and doing well in my career, I just decided,
well, I think I want to go to the United States and I want to
study a little bit more and see if I can get some experience.
So I saved my money and out of the blue I told my friends
and family that I'm going to the USA.
Whenyoufirstcameto America
youweremarriedto a man.
Whendidyoucomeout?
In my mind, I thought that I had to be with a great person,
a great man-that's how it should be. I knew that I had an
attraction to girls since I was young, but I never allowed
myself to do anything, to go there. I met a wonderful guy
and we got married, but one year into the marriage I was
unhappy, and I came and I talked to him ... I just said, I'm
not the right person, I don't think were going to be happy.
So I got divorced, and after that and during that process,
I started going out and meeting interesting people, really
taking time to listen to my inner voice saying I think I
think I like girls and I'm going to allow myself to go there.
And I started a relationship that lasted almost six [years]
and it was incredible- I feltlike I was really being myself
Didyouhaveanytroublecoming
outtoyourfamily?
Actually, my family in Brazil, they just found out in
March of this year. And there was a very intense conver~
sation. They didn't know-they said they had no idea. ·
I came to them from a very happy place, and told them
that I'm a happy person, nothing has changed, the only
difference is that I like girls and I want to have a life and
create a life with a woman. It was very shocking and sad
asthesayinggoes,justfriends?
We are friends and we had a good connection, good energy
together, and that's it.
Wereyou happywith the way you were portrayedon the
show?
process the idea.
It was a great opportunity, great adventure, a new thing
CanyoutellusaboutyourDVDseries?
This is my second DVD, and I'm just working on the new for me to be involved in. I wish they could have shown
series. It's going to be on TV, it's going to be all over the parts of my life-they have all the footage-but at the end
of the day I understand how the reality show works, and
place and were very excited.
they chose one storyline that I was a little bit surprised
Whatis it aboutfitnessthatyou'resodrawnto?
I connect with health-mind and body-and so it's like a (with], but it is what it is.
lifestyle. It's not only about the body, the shape, but how the Soyouthinkyou'llbebackforthenextseason?
mind works, so that's how I train and how I train clients. I have a contract with Bravo and I can't talk about farther
It goes beyond teaching them how to lose weight-it goes down the line and what's going to happen ... ! hope I have
the chance one day for the viewers to really get to know
more with how you're feeling about yourself
who
I am.
On TheRealHousewives
of OrangeCounty
youweresingle.
What's
nextforyou?
Datinganyonenew?
For
me
it's really the big dream-well, I have two big
Well, I am meeting a lot of interesting people, yes I am.
dreams-so,
number one I guess is just to put all my busi[Laughs] I'm dath1g but I'm not committed yet and I'm
ness-my
clothing
line, the gym, the DVDs-together
not in love. I'm allowing myself right now to connect with
and
let
that
fl.ow,
and
then keep growing. The next one
someone. I want to find love again, be in love and build a
is
to
find
a
partner
and
have
a family,maybe a few bambinos,
family with someone.
and
that's
it-and
be
happy
and enjoy my life by the beach.
Ontheshowit lookedlikemaybethatsomeone
couldbeyour
(fernandafitness.com)
■
co-starTamraBarney.
Therewasa kiss,butareyouguysreally,
for my family, but I didn't expect them to accept or embrace
(it] right away. I knew it was going to take them a little
time-it's a very powerful new concept. I know they have
so much love for me and I know they just need time to
October 2011
I53
living out loud
for kids and teens. If you haven't already experienced Lori Michaels at lesbian events such as Girl
Splash in Provincetown and Womenfest in Key West, get ready to "partay" now.
Youconsistentlyleavelesbianswantingmoreat your live Stephanie Stokes-I totally had che ring facing che wrong
performances.
What'sthesecretof yourappeal?
way! I chink [co-producer/ director] Gabrielle Lindau
I believe it's important to sway if you're gay, if only for held back from saying"cuc"because she really just couldn't
today, seduce and stay loose and remember chat che best
believe I could mess something like chat up. [Laughs]
ching in life are usually kept secret.
As for romance and marriage-I know chat I stand up
Yourdanceact Me& TheGirlsofferssomething
sexyforles- for and support the right to marry the one you love. I've
bians.Youclearlybelieveyouraudience
is readyforraunch.
also been known to stand back and support divorcing che
Even before Justin Timberlake brought sexy back, I one you can no longer stand. Ac this point, my partner and
brought sexy out with Me & The Girls. I just love to see I are boch happy wich where we are, but I would certainly
people having a good time and comfortable enough with
consider marriage-in che future.
chemselves cojust "parcay" and have fun. If chat means not
Yourfriendship
with RealHousewives
of NewJerseybadgirl
caking yourself coo seriously and just letting loose for a bit,
Danielle
Staubattracted
press.
Whatwasreallygoingonthere?
well then, yes-by all means-let your sexy out!
I met Danielle at Nokia Theatre in N.Y.C. after a perYourmusicvideo"TheRight"portraysyouproposing
to your formance. At that time, I never even watched The Real
girlonbendedknee.Something
youwantto tell us?
Housewives of New Jersey, but Sasha A. Mess ["Meet Me
I was for sure on my knees in che video-bur if you must
Ac The Parcay") was a huge fan, so we talked and she was
know, when I was holding the ring out in front of mekind enough to cake pies with us. I gave her my CD only
to present to my lovely co-producer and leading lady, later to find out when we met again-completely
by
54
Icurve
accident-that
she remembered
me, but I don't think she even ever
listened to my CD. [Laughs]. Her
daughters were there, and I saw her
youngest daughter [Jillian] with
her journal and Danielle told me
that Jillian is an aspiring singer/
songwriter. I offered her the oppor,
tunity to come and check out
JAMBOX Recording Studios in
N.Y.C. with no strings attached.
Danielle called me, brought Jillian to the studio and I ended
up writing a song for Jillian. Danielle then decided she
wanted to sing as well-she finally had listened to my music
and wanted to do my duet"Real Close" with me. Next thing
I know ... we are live on Bravo with Andy Cohen performing
"Real Close" and things took off from there. Basically, we
were all over the place and I became very involved with
her team and her family. But now, I really don't see a "Real
Close" reunion happening anytime soon.
YoufoundedReachOut,Inc.in 1989whenyouwere16 years
old.Whyis it important
to empower
youngpeople?
Looking back now, I know having my non,profi.t organization
"I believe it's important to sway if you're
gay, if only for today, seduce and stay
loose and remember that the best things
in life are usually kept secret."
in my life back then helped me to channel my energy in
a good way, but also to cope with what was going on in
my own life: My parents were going through a divorce,
my grandfather had passed away, staying in high school
vs. going on tour with New Kids on the Block, etc.different things that teenagers have to learn how to deal
with sometimes. It became routine for me to put those
efforts with our Reach Out programs and projects that
helped people-first in my life and in my heart. And I
continue to do my best to be generous and I am always
grateful for the people in my life and moments that arise
for me to help reach out. (lorimichaelsproductions.com) ■
October 2011 \ 55
================================
Q :=::::t
Singer-songwriter Fiona Silver
sizzles. By Jillian Eugenios
56
I curve
The best party Fiona Silver has ever been to took place
about five years ago and was hosted by The Danger, the
infamous party planners who've been giving New Yorkers
all-night renegade warehouse parties for years. The festivities began on the Brooklyn Bridge with a tug-of-war
between Brooklyn and Manhattan. After Brooklyn won,
the group paraded over the bridge to Brooklyn and bombarded the F train, throwing a moving party that landed
them at a beach party in Coney Island.
Growing up between New York's East Village and
Chelsea, Silver was immersed in the city's nightlife,
which led to a job managing a nightclub when she was
21-Santos Party House, a perfect gig for a singersongwriter with a large group of creative friends.
Silver's love affair with music came early, with piano
at 8 years old, and then guitar, bass and ukulele
following in quick succession. She credits a wide
range of musical influences, from Billie Holiday to
Led Zeppelin to TV on The Radio. She's become an
artist who writes her own music, writing about love,
life and "looking towards the light:'
After performing solo for years, Silver recently
put together a band as diverse as her influences.
"My bass player is from Japan and he's amazing ...
I'm still figuring out how much English he speaks,
I think he's just really quiet by nature. My drummer
is another local New Yorker, he's Dominican and
really talented and witty, and my guitarist is this tall,
beautiful African-Scottish dude with a lust for life
similar to my own. The plan is to tour and play festivals. I've already got a core fan base in New York but
I want to build that up in other places:'
Silver's decision to form a band came from her
desire to make something bigger than herself "It's
just a different energy," she says. "I can always play
solo. There's nothing to stop me from doing that.
But to play with other people is not so easy and it
requires a lot of dedication, discipline and willingness to listen and connect with other people. I felt
ready to do that, to let other people in:'
Named one of curve'sMost Desirable Women
in 2010, I ask Silver about the connection between
desirability and power.
"There is a lot of power in being desired. There
are subtle ways to use it by looking great and being
confident. A lot of times people will flip the script
and be like, I can offer you something you'd want but
you have to do something that you're uncomfortable with in return. I refuse, because that completely
draws the power out of you and I will not give
up my power to anyone:' Spoken like a true New
Yorker. (fionasilver.com) ■
~~
:::;
~~:e~:~::r::t~v~s~r:::::~cer,
educator Nenna Joiner saw a gap in the
market for a sex-positive adult boutique in
Oakland, Calif. she grabbed it. After months
of planning, petitioning and plenty of blood,
sweat and tears, last February Joiner opened
Feelmore510, a swanky sex shop located in the
heart of downtown Oakland. While many saw
the move as risky, Feelmore510 has successfully
created a center for education, advice and
communication-a
boon for greater visibility and
sexual empowerment for women of color.
sexual healing
Nenna Joiner's landmark sex shop offers service with a smile. By Jillian Eugenios
Whatmadeyouopena storewhentherearesomanyonline
optionsfor purchasing
intimateproducts?
As a kid, my grandmother always said, "You can always
sit behind someone's desk:' She said that as she sat
b hind the desk of her own company with only a grade
sc ool education. So, I come from a strong background
of women entrepreneurs that know anything is possible
with hard work. Although we expect to have eCommerce
fully functional by the first quarter of 2012 ... there are
communities, which are in need of products such as what
we offer but more importantly information prior to the
point of infection. Given that there is so much information online about how to protect ourselves sexually,
some communities may or may not be using the Internet
in this way. Feelmore510 with its mature, relaxed and
serene atmosphere has an opportunity to encourage a new
age in~store purchasing experience.
Howyoudoyoupersonally
identify?
It has only been since I have opened the store that I have
had to identify who I am beyond being a young black
woman. Having Feelmore510 has encouraged me to
stand on an additional truth that I am a lesbian in order
to empower anyone that may be thinking about opening
this or any other type of business. But I am nothing more
than a hardworking, cool-ass American.
Whichcommunities
havebeenmostsupportive
of you?
The Oakland lesbian communities, as well as other
communities, have been very supportive. However, the
church community is by far my favorite. Given that this
will be my first experience with the summer festival and
Gay Prides, I have an opportunity to work closely with
organizations namely Butterfly Productions, Sista2Sita,
Sistahs Steppin' and Movement Productions, whom serve
a very diverse Oakland community but also visiting conferences such as Butch Voices. Feelmore510 will also be
participating in Oakland 2nd annual Gay Pride Festival.
Whatsetsyouapartfromotheradultboutiques?
I made a decision to carry inspirational books like The
Alchemist and spiritual books by authors such as Louise
Hays, Don Miguel Ruiz and Deepak Chopra. My faith
has got me this far so I'm not about to leave them at home.
In addition to giving the aforementioned away without
a charge, we do sell unique erotic pieces such as vintage
magazines-pre-1980
Playboy, Penthouse, Game, etc.vintage movies, antiquarian books on sexuality, as well as
contemporary erotic art.
Howdoyourecommend
lesbians
whoordinarily
disliketoys
oreroticaempower
themselves,
sexually?
For those that dislike pleasure products and would like
to spice up their life, I would say reading a book ... with a
lover could genuinely add much needed romance. Most
times, buying something to encourage another's change
of mind is no different than putting a Band-Aid over a
wound that requires stitches. (feelmore510.com)■
October 2011
I 57
c,=
===================================
Jince\, Lumpkin has been called the lesbian Hugh Hefner,
as voted one of Out magazine's most compelling people of
2010 and Time Out named her a New York City sex icon.
The self-titled Chief Sexy Officer of Juicy Pink Box, her
very own porn production company that produces lesbian
films with "cinematic luster;' she is the best thing to happen
to o r sex lives since Shine Louise Houston gave us keys to
her rash Pad back in 2008.
"ltt's really important to show sex in a real way to differentiate it from a lot of the porn out there that isn't real;'
says Lumpkin. "The way mainstream porn depicts lesbians
is a manufactured fantasy in a male-dominated industry. It's
like, yeah, they fuck each other but where is the dick? A guy
can walk in and they're like, Oh thank God you're here:'
Lumpkin hasn't always been such an outspoken advocate
of queer sex on camera. She was raised in a small town in the
foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in Georgia. Then
came law school in Florida and a practice as a fashion attorney in New York City. But at the heart of it: Boredom.
"I started building up a practice in New York but took
a job in banking litigation in the meantime to make ends
meet. At that job we would do nothing for months on end.
I was extremely bored and single at the time so I started
writing a sex blog, which became very popular. I took it from
there. I found an investor and quit my job in the summer
of 2008 and went in this direction. I knew I wanted to do
movies but when I left my job I didn't have any contacts in
the adult industry whatsoever. I was a loner .. .like I could
not begin to know how to contact a porn star:'
Four series and a handful of awards later (including
accolades from the Feminist Porn Awards),Juicy Pink Box
produces something different, and something every lesbian
deserves-honest, hot lesbian sex captured artistically. Each
series is produced with an aesthetic that brings to mind iconic
photography and high fashion. Lumpkin brings in make-up
artists and photographers at the top of their game and stars
are styled for two hours before beginning a scene.
Lumpkins instinct allows authenticity. "I just let people
be who they are. I fit the girls together based on whom they
want to work with and whom they're attracted to. I don't do
story-driven porn and I don't script dialogue. I just say, this
is the mood of the scene and this is who you are. I try to get
away from that cliche of: You're the softball coach. I just try
to give them a sense of what the scene is about and what
their motivations are and then they do it:'
In doing away with the awkward storylines of traditional
porn-and
nixing that awful 1970s electronic music as
well- Lumpkin creates the kind of adult films that make
you proud to watch. She incorporates all types of lesbians
from across the gender spectrum. She only has one rule:
No straight women. "I don't do gay-for-pay stuff. I won't
work with women who are like, Oh yeah, whatever, give me
a check and I'll hop on a lady:'
There's an idea that women are taken advantage of in
porn and that they're pushed to do things that they don't
want to do. So what happens when Lumpkins at the helm?
"I work with the girls and I let them set their own limits and
I respect that. They are in control of the scene and they are
reclaiming their sexual power:' (juicypinkbox.com)
■
outofthe
Lesbian pornographer
Jincey Lumpkin's erotic artistry.
By Jillian Eugenios
ss Icurve
October 2011
I 59
60
Icurve
October 2011
I61
~~
Objectifying our sisters? Please. There are just too many hot queer women
~4/1
not to. But there just isn't enough room to do justice to them all, so below,
in alphabetical order, are 69 of our favorite delicious dykes-every
1. Jill Bennett
2. Sandra Bernhard
3. Bitch
4. Syd Blakovich
5. Michelle Bonilla
6. Brandi Carlile
7. Jessica Clark
8. Tabatha Coffey
9. Skyler Cooper
10. Cat Cora
11. Ellen DeGeneres
12. Portia DeGeneres
13. Beth Ditto
14. Cathy DeBuono
15. Ayiia Elizarraras
16. Melissa Etheridge
17. Freja Beha Erichsen
18. Kayla Ferrel
19. Melissa Ferrick
20. Erin Foley
21. Clementine Ford
22. Jodie Foster
23. Sara Gilbert
24. God-Des & She
25. Jill Goldstein
26. Dana Goldberg
27. Sajdah Golde
28. Julie Goldman
29. Nanna Grundfeldt
30. Leisha Hailey
31. Gro Hammerseng
32. Amber Heard
33. Alexandra Hedison
34. Shine Louise Houston
35. Joan Jett
36.kdlang
37. Jiz Lee
38. Jane Lynch
39. Kate McKinnon
40. Bridget McManus
41. Rachel Maddow
42. Vicki Martinez
43. Amelie Mauresmo
44. Holly Miranda
45. Whitney Mixter
46. Martina Navratilova
inch eye candy.
47. Jasika Nicole
48. Michelle Paradise
49. Sarah Paulson
50. Heather Peace
51. Tegan Quin
52. Sara Quin
53. Tasya van Ree
54. Ruby Rose
55. Tracy Ryerson
56. JD Samson
57. Daniela Sea
58. Courtenay Semel
59. Otep Shamaya
60. Jenny Shimizu
61. Lady Sovereign
62. Wanda Sykes
63. Courtney Trouble
64. Abisha Uhl
65. Jackie Warner
66. Shannon Wentworth
67. Michelle Wolff
68. Chely Wright
69. Vivian Wu
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ocals k<?ptt<?lLing
me how lucky I was
with the weather, which seemed odd since
it was 80 degrees when I landed at midnight in Phoenix.
After a few days though, I realized that by saying I was
fortunate, the residents meant that I should be grateful I
was able to go outdoors without injury.
Heedless of danger, senseless with sunshine, I left
Hotel Valley Ho with only a light smear of sunscreen
to take a short stroll past the galleries and eateries of
Scottsdale's arts district. The downtown area was artsy
and modern, and the Thursday night art walks draw huge
crowds to over 100 galleries, but at 11 a.m. on the day
after Memorial Day, it looked like an attractive, culturally
rich ghost town. Most businesses were open and big shiny
cars were parked outside of them, but no one emerged from
the AC during my 15-minute walk to the ice-cream parlor
and thrift clothing stores. Very occasionally a vehicle would
cruise up the wide empty street, the driver peering to see
if I needed assistance.
That was weird enough, but
when I knelt for a nanosecond on
the ground to take a photo, sharp
hot rockets of pain shot up my
leg. I leapt to my feet, my knee
burning. I'd started to kneel on a
square of metal embedded in the
sidewalk, and the radiating heat
from the midday sun gave me
second-degree burns-through my
longpants.The heat seared a blister
that lasted a month and looks as
if it'll leave a permanent scar, a
memento of the good weather in
Scottsdale.
If this was great weather, what
was it like in high summer:' "You
were really lucky;' said Trish, the
female cab driver of the hybrid
taxi (a Prius) who welcomed me
By Gillian Kendall
to Phoenix with a warm smile and a cool car, and swept
me off to my nice air-conditioned hotel.
Hotel Valley Ho, chosen more for its appeal to curve
readers than for my own taste, is the youngest historical
hotel in America. Built in 1956, frequented by Robert
Wagner, Natalie Wood, Zsa Zsa Gabor and others. It was
renovated in 2002, the five-story "tower" suites and original
motel strip rooms thrill all fans of mid-century modern
decor. What this means, I learned, is classy and classic
1950s and'60s design: Hot orange walls, no
shag rugs thank God, retro appliances,
a Tiki Bar and a large black abstract
sculpture in my suite that looked
Experience
like Bigfoot lurking at the bottom
the beauty
of my bed. Every time I came into
and drama of
my room it scared the kitsch out
the desert in
ofme.
Swinging, cool and a little selfScottsdale,
conscious, the centrally located
Arizona.
Valley Ho poses at the other end
of the spectrum to the Fairmont
Princess, a sprawling, self-confident,
gorgeous resort half an hour from downtown.
My suite at the Princess comes with a gas fireplace instead
of a humanoid statue, and the bathroom is larger than
some apartments I've lived in. The Princess is a great place
to breathe cool air and eat hot, healthy, high-end Mexican
at La Hacienda, where outdoor seating comes with private
table-top fireplaces which keep you warm against the starry
night air that wafts in at a chilly 70 degrees.
Cheerful, tanned young men will drive you between
October 2011
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rooms in a spanking clean golf cart if the five-minute walk
seems too exhausting. They'll even chauffeur you to the
Willow Stream Spa, a three-story dub-like space that is
pretty much a life-size replica of the Havasupai canyon .
Offering intriguing water features and free snacks, soft
music and good hard bodywork, the spa is larger and
much nicer than some apartment buildings I've lived in .
The grand scale and drama of the desert shows up
everywhere: in the sunsets, the golf courses, the meals,
the hot-air ballooning and the Frank Lloyd Wright house
called Taliesin West.
Is it just me, or is there something really
lesbian about the bright, curvaceous,
hot-air balloons bulging bigger and
bigger, then wafting slowly upwards,
in magical Mary Poppins movements, toward the dense blue sky?
All that bobbing, breast-like beauty,
all the bright-eyed passengers oohing
over the view and the surprising lift
skywards-all that and a low carbon
footprint too! Hot Air Expeditions picked
us up at 5 a.m., lofted us across the desert
just after sunrise, and fed us a gourmet champagne breakfast when we returned to earth. What's more
dyke-friendly than chocolate croissants ser.ved warm in
the sun?
At ground level, the sights were no less astonishing.
Frank Lloyd Wright's house Taliesin West is as far from
kitschy as it's possible to get, designed to harmonize so
well with its setting, the dwelling nearly merges with the
landscape. Wright's former winter home in the desert is
now a museum and a school for senior architecture students,
who build their own dwellings using Wright's "organic
principles" and local materials .
Wright worked not only with the desert stone and sand
but also shade and sun, measuring and incorporating the
angles of shadow into his intricate designs, so that
even a paved pathway between buildings
would be covered with shifting art-deco
reminiscent patterns of black and white
"eye music:' Such artistry is rare anywhere in the world, let alone in the
desert wilderness. His genius has
inspired generations of painters,
architects and engineers .
Many working artists still live in
Scottsdale, centering their attention and
efforts on the arts strip downtown, containing dozens if not hundreds of small galleries
selling good, original artwork. Interspersed with
the ceramics and paintings studios are good used clothes
boutiques (I always like to shop at secondhand stores
that carry the cast-offs of wealthy women with taste),
FOR MY
MONEY/1Nf) TIME
IT'SWELLWORT~
/1 G/1Y GIRL'S
VISIT
- JUSTf)ON'T
TOUC~ T~E
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and one must-see eatery: the virulently pink ice-cream
shop, Sugar Bowl.
A hot-mauve jewel of a place, half a mile from Valley Ho
and like the hotel purloined from an earlier era, the pink
palace hosts a constant, happy hubbub of intellectuals and
Little-Leaguers, soccer moms and supermodels. This
lesbian enjoyed the waitress' pink-and-white nails, and an
iced-coffee and chocolate ice cream combo made to order.
Arizona has had a bad rap for its arguably heinous border protection laws, but a huge proportion of Scottsdale's
residents oppose them and welcome visitors without regard
to skin color, orientation or anything else. A friend from
the Unitarian Church gave me a button proclaiming "I
COULD BE ILLEGAL;' which I wore everywhere and
finally gave to a USAir flight attendant who made me
feel like a hero for putting my politics on my sleeve.
The governor, Jan Brewer, may be a bit backwards, but
Scottsdale's tourism industry i~ generous and queer-friendly,
not racist or elitist like some we could mention. For my
money and time it's well worth a gay girl's visit-just don't
touch the sidewalk. ■
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October 2011
I67
LONIJON
C/lLLING
NEJ' YORI<
By Constance Parten
If you're getting married in the Big Apple you'll want
the accommodations on your big night to be as royal as
the occasion. That's why it's time to relax your budgetprone ways and splurge on something extra special.
Lucky for you, you won't have to break the bank because
some establishments are offering attractive packages
to celebrate marriage equality in Gotham City. The
London NYC invites you to start your married life in
an indulgent Sex and the City setting that's at once glamorous and romantic. The Celebrate
LovePackagegives
you everything you need to make you feel like newlyweds: Start with a one-hour couples massage in the
privacy of your own suite. After relaxing and working
up an appetite, the acclaimed culinary team of Chef
Gordon Ramsay will deliver to your room an assortment of canapes to nibble on accompanied by a London
Cocktail for two (a refreshing love
libation topped with champagne),
then you might feel like nibbling
on each other, or simply lounging
around in your complimentary plush
robes. There's no more splendid or
sumptuous a way to celebrate marriage equality.( thelondonnyc.com) ■
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Tl-jELONnON
NYC CELERR/lTE
LOVE D/lCl(/lGE
ST/lRTS /IT
$655
DERROOM
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MIX IT /1T 1-IOME:
Tl-IELON80N
This signature house cocktail is clean and
citrusy, made with Lillet Blanc, a French
wine-based aperitif with a light orange
flavor. The sweet orange oil in the sugar
that rims the glass helps bring out the
orange essence of the Lillet. Bottoms up!
68
Icurve
2 oz gin
3/4 oz Lillet Blanc
1/2 oz grapefruit juice
1/2 oz champagne
Shake gin, Lillet and
grapefruit juice. Strain
into martini glass
rimmed with sweet
orange oil infused sugar.
Top with champagne.
1----+---+---t---+-~-+--+----+---+-
When you subscribe to our interactive djgital
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1isten to songs, forward stories to friends and best --+----+---+-i•
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Share with
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e-mail, facebook, --------and
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Available ....--+---+on !both
Mac ancf PC
REVIEWSMusic Watch
What's Up With Linda Perry
The lesbian rock legend shares her heartbreak with a new album.
By Maria De La 0
PattiSmith,Outside
Society(SonyMusic):
Poet,provocateur
and
godmother
of punk,Patti
Smithhasnevershied
awayfromthe confrontationalor controversial
and
it's for this reason,along
with hertrailblazingbisexualanthem"Gloria,"that
Smithhasbeenembraced
by a lesbianaudience
sincethe '?Os.Herlatest
album,OutsideSociety,
is a collectionof her
greatesthits.Presented
in chronological
order,it
chroniclesSmith'sjourney
acrossfourdecades
of evocativemusical
brilliance.Thealbum
includesessentialtracks,
rangingfromthe top 40
hit "Becausethe Night,"
to the melodic"Dancing
Barefoot"andthrough
to herunplugged
and
unconventional
rendition
of Nirvana's"SmellsLike
TeenSpirit"-set to banjo
backing,no less.Outside
Societyservesas boththe
definitivealbumfor fans
andthe perfectintroductionfor anyonenewto
Smith.(pattismith.net)
[RachelShatto]
70
I curve
Former 4 Non Blondes front,woman Linda
Perry is indisputably one of the most influential
songwriter,producers in rock, working with
A,listers like Alicia Keys, James Blunt, Pink
and Christina Aguilera. (Aguilera's Grammy,
winning anthem "Beautiful" was Perry's gifted
handiwork.) In your face from the start, back
in the days when Melissa Etheridge and Elton
John were still observing a "don't ask, don't tell"
policy regarding their sexuality, she made news
when she appeared with her band on The David
Letterman Show with the word "dyke" scrawled
across her guitar.
She hasn't mellowed in the years since. As
driven as ever,she'scurrently penning the music for
the Broadway adaptation of the Nicole Kidman
movie To Die For, helping organize the L.A.
Lesbian and Gay Center's annual fundraiser, An
Evening with Women, and just finished touring
with her new band, Deep Dark Robot, in support
of the album 8 Songs About a Girl.
8 SongsAbouta Girlis aboutthearcof a relationshipwitha womanbya woman,whichis a first.
Doyoufeellikea trailblazer?
It's been done, but it hasn't been open. It's been
disguised with them, or he or whatever. But my
album didn't call for that. I wouldn't put her in
there unless it was really needed. "Won't you be
my girl?"-that
had to be there. I just write
music. This isn't a gay thing, it's just a Linda
thing. This is who I am: I'm Linda, I got my
heartbroken by a girl, I'm going to write an
album about my feelings.
That'sprettygutsy.
I don't think that takes guts at all. I don't see
where there's guts involved in expressing your
emotions. Is the guts because it's a woman talking
about a woman? That's just me being who I am.
People don't do it because they're not comfortable
with who they are. I'm extremely comfortable
with who I am.
Sohowis it to relivea romanticrelationship
every
r!::
~
~
:r:
!::
~
Cl)
g
0
(9
w
z
z
'.'.:i
nightthatyouplay?
It's kind of hard, but I love this person
and they are in my life.But it's a bum,
mer when you don't get the girl.
Arethesongsaboutyourrelationship
withactorClementine
Ford?
This album is not about Clementine.
She and I are not together, we haven't
been together in a very long time. I
love Clementine, we had a great rela,
tionship, we just needed to move on.
Like I said, I never got chis person-I
never got the girl on chis. This was an
obsession chat really got to me, and I
wrote an album about it.
Willthevideoseventually
tellthewhole
unrequited
lovestory?
We're hoping. We're shooting a video
for every song. This one Kat Von D
[from LA Ink] is going to be in. And
the last one Juliette Lewis was in.
We originally had a main girl, and
she couldn't do it because she got a
job. So I asked Juliette to be in the
"Can't Get You Out of My Mind"
video. And then we said, what the
hell, let's just make really cool videos
and keep the story as best we can.
Howdoesit feelto bebackontour?
It makes all the sense in the world; it's
what I do. I just haven't done it [in a
while]. It was really nice to be out on
stage and be out on tour in front of
people. I've been behind the scenes
for so long, and it's time. Being a pro,
ducer and writing songs for peoplethat has been a massive challenge for
me and really fun-but
OK, now
what do I do? I've been missing singing
and performing, so I'm going to do
this for now.
Soareyoutakinga breakfromsongwritingandproducing?
I'm not taking a break, but I'm just
being a lot more picky. I already am
kind of picky; I'm not just out there
trying to score hits. My whole vibe
is, one great song every so often is
enough for me.
Areyouworkingwithanyonerightnow
thatwe shouldwatchoutfor?
There's this band from Barbados
called Cover Drive. They're really
great Caribbean style music. There's
an Australian artist called Vanessa
Amorosi. I've done tons of stuff, but
not everything gets out there because
by the time the label gets their head
out of their ass and figures out what
to do with their artist it's already
too late. There's a lot of that. So I've
worked on many things, but until it's
actually out there, it's nothing.
Howdidyoustartproducing?
DidPink
justcallyouuponeday?
She got my number from her makeup
artist-her
makeup artist knew my
girlfriend at the time. She left me
this message and I was saying, Who
is this? And then I saw a picture of
her and I said, There's no fucking way.
So I call her up and I say,"You've got
the wrong Linda Perry. I'm not hip:'
And she said, "You did 'What's Up?'
and 'Dear Mr. President'-I've
got
the right Linda PerrY:' And I ended
up really liking her. It was just one
of those things where you just knew
this was the right match. She had her
R&B thing, and she didn't seem to be
happy with that route. So I shook it
up a little bit.
Yoursongsspanall genresfrompop
to blues,doyoureallyloveeverything
youwrite?
I couldn't write it if I didn't love it.
Things that I've written that I don't
love, I don't release. I've taken songs
back from artists that I've written for
them. It sometimes takes me a while
to process something. So there've been
times where I've heard something
that I've written with someone and
I called up my manager and said, get
that song back, I think it's horrible, I
can't back that up. There's one song
that's gotten out there that I'm not a
big fan of.
Whatsong?
I'm not going to mention that.
(lindaperry.com)■
"I'm not takinga
break, but I'm just
beinga lot more
picky... I'm not just
out there tryingto
score hits. My whole
vibe is, one great
song everyso often
is enoughfor me."
October 2011
I71
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
The DefiantOnes
Two lesbians are lost and delirious in Iran. By Merryn Johns
Becoming
Chaz
(WorldofWonder):
Therearefewpeople
morerecognizable
inthe
lesbian
community
than
Chaz(formerly
Chastity)
Bono.
Fromcoming
outin
1995(afterbeingoutedby
thetabloids
yearsearlier)
to herworkwithGLAAD,
Bonohasbeena highly
visiblerepresentation
of
thelesbian
community
forovera decade.
So,it
wasshocking
tomany
whenBonoannounced
inJune2009thathehad
begun
transitioning
into
a male.Becoming
Chaz
isthehighlypersonal
documentary
chronicling
hisjourney
to manhood,
theeffectshistransition
hadonhispersonal
and
familialrelationships
andwithinhimself.
Both
moving
andinformative,
it'sa fascinating
glimpse
intoBono's
lifeaswellas
a powerful
toolforhelping
questioning
youthand
therestoftheworldto
develop
a deepertoleranceandunderstanding
ofwhatit meansto be
transgender.
[Rachel
Shatto]
72
Icurve
"I tried not to kill anybody;' says writer~director
Maryam Keshavarz about the making of her
powerful film Circumstance."That's step one. We
always joke, 'Let's make sure no one dies in this
movie:" She may be laughing out of sheer relief,
but when you're shooting a film about lesbians in
the Middle East, you just never know what could
happen. More about that later.
Circumstance tells the story of two teenage
girls, one privileged, one poor, who fall in
love with each other and with the idea that
their future contains the promise of freedomdespite evidence to the contrary all around them.
They indulge these notions of personal and
political freedom while under surveillance by
male relatives, the government and the morality
police. Rather than give in to authority, Shireen
and Atafeh rebel, as teenagers often do, and endure
the terrible consequences.
This visually beautiful film is a little miracle
simply for the fact that it was ever made-beyond
that, it is remarkable for the performances by
the two young female leads, Nikohl Boosheri
and Sarah Kazemy, who not only had never really
acted before, but were chosen from an international
casting call of 1,000 girls and had to meet a very
unusual set of criteria.
"They had to have two passports, they had to
be bilingual, they had to be OK with sexuality
and queer content, they had to be good actors,
they had to be over 18 and look under 18;' says
Keshavarz, checking off her list of necessary
qualifications. The characters also had to have
believable chemistry and fit the image Keshavarz
had in mind for them. Shireen had to be dreamy
and enigmatic, Atafeh, playful and assertive, due
to her more privileged position.
"I remember when Nikohl and Sarah first
met, in the lobby of the hotel in Toronto-they
literally became, like, instant best friends, they
were so close very,very quickly.And when I video~
auditioned them together, it was evident they had
a very intense attraction, or bond, or something:'
The girls have gone on to further work:
Kazemy, who is perfect as the beautiful but
oppressed Shireen, is in Europe, and Boosheri,
who plays the rebellious and privileged Atafeh, is
in Canada. The sudden onset of their acting abili~
ties must have had a lot to do with Keshavarz,
even though she was still learning how to direct.
"I had never directed a sex scene before;'
she admits, recalling how she handled
the first of those scenes in Circumstance.
"First of all, you have to create a safe
environment, especially when there is
nudity. I always had a closed set, which
was just minimal people. But it's also
very choreographed. I'm giving them
directions on camera. It would be hilarious if you heard the dailies, which is,
like, 'Position one, Position two; " she
laughs.
The love scenes in Circumstance
might be numbered and choreographed,
but what ends up onscreen is tender,
sexy and honest. Especially given
the-well-circumstances.
Keshavarz was unable to shoot in
Iran because of the censorship laws.
She believed that she wouldn't be
able to adequately protect her cast
and crew, given the nature of the
material, so she decided to film in
Lebanon, where the climate is slightly
more liberal. But it was still risky and
there was a lot of tension on the set.
If nothing else, the pressure added to
the atmosphere of authenticity.
"It was really difficult to shoot in
Lebanon. Even though we had the
permits, we had to change the script
to make it more palatable to the censors, which meant taking all the stuff
about sex and religion out. We had
the military visiting our sets at different points, so it was by no 'means
a carefree environment. During sexual
scenes, there would be times when the
military was just off set and I had to
get the shot:'
Welcome to independent cinema!
Keshavarz, who was shooting on
film-and
was always aware that
her cans of film could be confiscated
at any time and then there would be
no more movie-deserves whatever
accolades the indie film world can
throw her way. Throughout, her cast
and crew tried to stay calm, and dedicated themselves to getting the story
right-illegal or not.
Lesbians will want to claim this film
as their own, but the film is even richer
because of its additional themes:
family, religion, female equality and
human rights. "What I want to show
in this film is that people have many
facets of who they are;' says Keshavarz.
"There's a complexity to who we are,
especially in an environment like Iran,
where people are constantly pressured
to be one thing or another. This film
talks to that-that
we don't fit into
one box. Identity is much more fluid.
"Iran was incredibly liberal in terms
of women's rights before the revolution. Women could have abortions,
were able to divorce their husbands,
were able to get custody rights. Of
course, that all had to start again when
the revolution happened. Women
sounded the alarm that the Islamists
were starting to take over, that the
country was becoming too conservative after the revolution:'
While the culture has stabilized
somewhat, Keshavarz remembers
when women were not allowed to
wear colors, and her family had to hide
pop music in a secret compartment
in the car. The struggle for freedom
continues, and some advances have
been made; in 2003, female Iranian
human rights activist Shirin Ebadi
won the Nobel Peace Prize.
Meanwhile, gay rights are just
emerging in Iran, a situation that is
depicted in the film when the girls
and their gay male friends attempt to
dub a bootleg of Milk in Arabic.
That the IranianPresident,Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad, famously declared there
was no homosexuality in Iran is both
ludicrous and true, says Keshavarz.
"You can't say you're gay in Iran. It's
illegal. There's not a sense of gay identity in the way that we understand gay
identity, because that requires an ability
to say that you' re gay publicly:'
The film has struck a chord with
American audiences. In spite of recent
advancements in civil rights, gays
and lesbians in most American states
are still denied true equality, and the
gains they have made are always under
threat. Depicting a country ruled by
religious conservatives-where female
liberty struggles to survive, is driven
underground, and is threatened with
severe punishment-Circumstance
offers a glimpse of what might happen
anywhere in the event of a rightwing takeover. You just never know.
The film won the 2011 Sundance
Audience Choice Award, indicating
a growing awareness that for women
the world over liberty and freedom
are not guaranteed but circumstantial.
And of course audiences love Atafeh
and Shireen-those two girls in hijabs
who dream of freedom-because the
personal really is political after all.
( takepart.com/ circumstance) ■
October 2011
I73
REVIEWSFood
PowerPills
Natural vitamins from food extracts that pack a punch. By Constance Parten
With fatigue a common problem even
for people who consider themselves
healthy, we're constantly looking for
ways to boost our energy, whether it's
a caffeinated drink or an energy bar
grabbed on the run. While
many of us take vitamins,
we often don't know what's
in them, and we probably
wonder if they really work,
and whether we're getting all the supplements we
need, especialy as women.
Certainly, at the local pharmacy or health food store
the array of supplements can be bewild~ring to the average girl.
Companies like Nutritional Therapies
may help you cut through uncertainty
and misinformation. Having developed
a formula that puts its products above
the rest of the run-of-the-mill vitamins,
the company's offers a proprietary
formula designed to reduce fatigue and
create energy.
Start the day Propax or Propax
Gold-complete nutrient supplement
packs originally created to give better
quality of life to people living with
serious health challenges such as HIV/
AIDS, chronic illness or undergoing
these different to other supplements?
Most other vitamin supplements
are challenged by absorption, whereas
the less standard NT Factor allows
your body to absorb more of the
supplements than you would from an
ordinary one-a-day vitamin, even the
mega-doses.
So what, exactly, is this mysterious
NT Factor? It is a patent-pending
all-natural super food created from
actual food extracts, which feeds and
repairs your cellular structure and
restores cell function. It is, after all,
your cells which store and convert
energy, but it is also your cells which
are under attack.
"Take an apple. Imagine the skin of
the apple is the cell membrane. Now
poke holes in it. A new skin protects
the apple but the apple is still going
to go bad and start turning brown;'
explains Ellen Hoil, who works for
Nutritional Therapies. "NT Factor
not only replaces the skin but lets the
apple repair the brown spots:'
The NT Factor acts to repair cell
So what, exactly,is this mysteriousNT Factor?
A patentpendingall-naturalsuperfood created
fromactualfood extracts,whichfeed and repair
yourcellularstructureand restorecellfunction.
74
Icurve
long-term debilitating medical treatments such as chemotherapy. They are
now available for everyone looking for
a healthy, homeopathic fatigue buster.
This multi-supplement contains all
the necessary vitamins, minerals,
antioxidants, omega-3 nutrients and
pre- and pro-biotics in a base of NT
Factor, which eliminates fatigue by
providing support and nutrients for
every organ in the body. But how are
damage caused by bad diet, stress or
illness by taking nutrients to every
part of the body. (In case you wondered,
the NT stands for "nutrient transport:')
This NT Factor is also · present in
Breathe Clear, a pill designed for
allergy sufferers and people whose
sinuses and respiratory systems are
easily irritated. Made from bioflavonoids, quercetin and the extract
from citrus peels (rutin) mixed with
NT Factor, this supplement gives
Claritin a run for its money by acting
as an anti-inflammatory, stopping the
flare up.
You can also suppress appetit with
the NT system through Healthy
Curb, a natural appetite suppressant
made from white kidney bean extract
mixed with NT Factor. Studies show
it has stopped cravings.
"Healthy Curb is made of food and
food extract only, so there's no known
problem with side effects as you might
find with medications;' explains Jack
Thomas, Nutritional Therapies' nutritional supplement technician with over
30 years of experience.
To test the product, NT took a
group of obese people and put them
on the product for eight weeks. They
did not change their dietary habits;
they were not asked to change their
exercise regimen or lack thereof.
''.After the eight weeks the average
person lost five to six pounds, and
lost an inch on their hips, too;' says
Thomas. Not a diet pill, Healthy Curb
simply helps curb the craving for carbs
and sugars.
Healthy Aging also features the
high potency NT Factor. Utilizing
clinically proven lipid replacement
therapy, this pill aims to reverse aging.
"Your entire body is made up of cells,
tissues and organs;' explains Thomas.
"By repairing cells we are allowing
your skin, hair and nails to improve
in texture:' He believes that in taking
the pill you will "notice a rejuvenation over a period of time:' This is
because the signs of aging are caused
not just by getting older, but from
reactive oxidative stress-or free radical
damage.
Environment, disease, even converting oxygen to energy across the cell
membrane causes aging, says Thomas.
"If you take two batteries in a flashlight and never turn the flashlight on,
over a period of time the batteries will
run down. If you turn it on, the batteries will die out quicker. In taking the
HealthyAging ~
.
:
~
wllhHl9h-
t
NT~!
~m:~-i
supplements it would be like replacing
the batteries on a regular basis:'
And heading into the holiday season we all could use a little help from
the Energizer Bunny. Partying and
indulging can contribute to cell damage,
especially through dehydration.
Taking products with NT Factor
assists hydration and removes the
temptation of sweets, snacks or sugary
drinks. Best of all: these products
are based on food and food extracts
so you're not denying your bodyyou're feeding it in another way. A
healthy, loving way. (nifactor.com)■
Infernal Thirst
Just in time for your Halloween party, devilish beverages for diabolical dykes.
It's Halloweenandyou'vepreparedeverything,fromdemonic
decorto horrifichorsd'oeuvresto
yourowncreepycostume-even
yourfurryfriendlooksfiendish!
Butwhenit comesto drinks,you
probablyhaven'tdreamedup
anythingamazinglyunholy,other
thana perversely-named
punch
or satanicsangria(substitute
appropriatereddrinkhere).Well,
considera sinistersommelierat
yourservice.VampireVineyards
offersup classyquaffswith
seriouscredentials.
If you'dliketo keepthings
light,startwith a Witches'Brew
blondalewith a champagne-style
cork.Forsomethingstronger,
sinkyourfangsintothe rich and
velvetyVampireMerlot,the dark
DraculaSyrah,andthe intense
ChateauDuVampireCabernet
Sauvignon.
Oneof the more
bewitchingtippleswe tried is the
Trueblood
PinotNoir(2007).This
award-winning
artisanalwineis
madefrom 100percentpinotnoir
grapesthat arecarefullyhandpickedandsortedin the Santa
MariaValley.Agedin Frenchoak
barrelsfor 23 months,the result
is a lusciousyet elegantwine,
rich,full bodiedand,darewe
say,quiteblood-likefor a pinot
noir.It pairsperfectlywith a rare
filet mignon,but if yourcrowd
clamorsfor cocktails,there'sno
betterbaseliquorthanthe sinfully scarletVampyre
Vodka.This
triple-distilleddrinkgoesdown
smooth-and makesa bloody
goodCosmopolitan
(it's blood
red,really)-or servein chilled
shotsor onthe rocks.Here's
bloodin youreye!(vampire.com)
October 2011
I75
REVIEWSTech
CreatingYourCommandCenter
Because every power dyke needs her toys. By Rachel Shatto
In today's fast-paced, increasingly digital world, telecommuting and working from
home is becoming exponentially more commonplace. But whether you're running a
thriving consulting business or a modest store on Etsy, you deserve to feel like the
CEO of your own Fortune 500 company. Sure, you've got your computer, printer
and the mouse and keyboa!-d that came bundled with it, but how can you be at the
top of your game with tired, obsolete tech stomping all over your productivity:' It's
time to take it to the next level. Here are seven slick, ergonomic and powerful tools
to help you rocket through the glass ceiling of your home office.
2.
3.
l II ~PTYa-1 NILITR-I
A study conducted by the University
of Utah concluded that using a multiscreen monitor increased productivity
by 40 to 50 percent. Say goodbye
to wasting time switching between
programs or minimizing windows in a
futile attempt to multitask. Samsung's
super sexy Multi-display Monitor
boasts three 23-inch monitors, all with
HD picture quality and a user-friendly
Multi Control Pad that allows you to
easily control your monitors. ($2,200,
Samsung.com)
2 II a.L-In-UDI r:JeQ
For the gal on the go, nothing less than
the world's fastest all-in-one printer
will do. Epson's WorkForce 635
printer does it all: Print, scan, copy, fax
and two-sided printing. Plus, it's ecofriendly: The Workforce uses up to 70
percent less energy and is designed to
be recycled. Fast, functional and kind
to the planet, now that's some sexy
tech. ($230, Epson.com)
3 II a CHaR FIT FCR a aueen
There are chairs, there are ergonomic
chairs and then there is the Aeron
chair. Made largely of recycled materials,
it's eco-friendly and its striking
biomorphic design has earned it a
place in the New York MoMA's permanent collection. But what really sets
this chair apart is its ability to conform
to, and work with, your body. The
PostureFit seat supports your pelvis
and spine while the patented Kinemat
tilt mechanism allows your neck,
shoulders, hips and knees to pivot
naturally. So long hours spent building
your empire won't mean long nights of
aches and pains. ($869, hermanmiller.com)
s.
I.III GIVe IT a UHlt.!I..
Any power lez who's felt the ache of
a repetitive strain injury knows the
importance of ergonomics. But since
everyone is different, when it comes to
ergonomic mice there hasn't been a
one-size-fits all solution-until
now. The Whirl Laser Mouse from
Smartfish, featuring the Anti-Gravity
Comfort Pivot-a patented motionbase that allows your hand to rest in a
natural position-will have you double
and triple clicking with joy.
($50, getsmartfish.com)
s II~
;RT
Every command center deserves a good
sound system. Our pick: Harman
Kardon's SoundSticks III. Featuring
exceptional clarity and 40 watts of amplification, that makes movies music and
multimedia come to life. The previous
iteration of these speakers is a work of
art-literally-the
SoundSticks II
have become a part of the permanent
collection at the New York MoMAand they've only improved from there.
($169, harmankardon.com)
7.
6.
6 II ca FePel re WITH caFtoerr:e
Just because you aren't in a traditional office
setting doesn't mean you won't need some
face-to-face time. With Logitech's HD Pro
Webcam you can video chat in crystal-dear
720p. A built-in mic guarantees that no pearl of
business acumen that drips from your lips will
go unheard. ($85, Logitech.com)
7 II PUSHtnG a.L THe QIGHT BUTTa1S
Make batteries (and the toxic chemicals they
leach into the ground) a thing of the past with
Logitech's wireless solar-powered keyboard.
Powered by light (both indoors and out) this
ultra-portable and sleek keyboard is the perfect
mate for any desktop computer, so both your
finger tips and Mother Nature will thank you.
($80, Logitech.com)■
Make batteries(and
the toxicchemicals
they leachintothe
ground)a thing
of the past with
Logitech'swireless
solar-powered
keyboard.
October 2011
I77
REVIEWSBooks
YoungHearts
Two must-reads for queer youth and their families. By Rachel Pepper
Are the kids really all right? This month's offerings
are about educating and supporting them.
ZipperMouth,Laurie
Weeks(TheFeminist
Press):
Thisgrubby,
gorgeous
jewelof a book
immerses
youinthe
twilightworldof a lesbian
junkiewrestling
with
addiction
andunrequited
love.Herlonging
forthe
unattainable
infuses
thenovelwithblack
humorandbilious
desire,
whetherit bethenavelgazingnarrator's
crush
ona "long-decomposed"
VivienLeigh,a godlike
JudyDavisoranelusive
tomatoandonionbagel.
Therealbeautyofthis
bookis itschemically
colored
poetry,
which
isunexpectedly
tender
andwry,drawnfrompop
cultureandthelandscapeof urbandecay.
"Jane'shairwasmylost
adolescence,
Jane'shair
wasa bottleof Suave
Wildflower
Shampoo,
deliciousat $1.99... Jane's
hairwasdriving
drunkat
twilightwiththeGunClub
blasting
'She'slikeHeroin
to Me.'" ZipperMouth
captures
therankmood
ofthedowntown
New
YorkCityscenebeforeits
gentrification,
backwhen
a youngaddictcouldslip
between
thecracks,her
empathy
andcreativity
theonlythingskeeping
herfromteetering
into
theabyssofobsession.
[Merryn
Johns]
78
Icurve
which there is nothing in this book), more for
kids who have single parents, kids who have
known their extended family of donor and
Let's Get ThisStraight:The UltimateHandbook half-siblings since birth (not only since age 18,
for YouthwithLGBTQ
Parents,TinaFakhrid-Deenas the book assumes), and what it's like to grow
withmembers
of COLAGE
(SealPress):
Let's Get up "culturally queer" although sexually straight.
This Straight is a concept book produced by The book could also benefit from an index.
COLAGE, a San Francisco-based support and
advocacy group with chapters in many cities that GLBTQ:
TheSurvival
Guide
forGay,Lesbian,
Bisexual,
provides resources, social and educational
Transgender,
and QuestioningTeens Second
opportunities for youth in LGBT headed Edition,KellyHuegel(FreeSpiritPublishing)
and
households. Let's Get This Straightis co-written
Queer:The UltimateLGBT Guide
by former COLAGE
for Teens,KathyBeigeand Marke
Chicago chapter leader
Bieschke
(Zest
Books):
Both GLBTQ
Tina Fakhrid-Deen and
the national COLAGE
folks, with many youth
voices sprinkled throughout. The book is a great first
effort at providing a wide
variety of information to an
underrepresented
population right in our midst: the
kids being raised by LGBT
parents.
Chock full of a wide variety
of information, this groundbreaking book covers essential
topics for queer parents, such
as transracial adoption, dealing with bullying,
making sense of donor insemination and even
dealing with having "bad parents" -those who
abuse drugs or engage in domestic violence. Bad
parenting is a taboo topic in most LGBT family
circles, so it's refreshing to see such a controversial topic issue tackled here with empathy
and Queer are worthy guides for the newly out
and forthrightness.
or questioning LGBT teenager. The two books
Unfortunately, given the impossible task of are graphically stimulating, inclusive, full of
attempting to cover so much information in resources and written with an upbeat, teenunder 200 pages, depth is sacrificed on other friendly style. Queerfocuses primarily on dating,
topics of import and diversity. In particular,
sex and sexuality issues as well as on instilling
the important chapter "Our Family Structures;'
pride in its readers through "embracing your
could be expanded more fully in subsequent
queerness:' It's a user-friendly book that aims to
editions. This chapter could then include more make LGBT teens feel good about themselves
information for kids whose parents are transgen- and their relationships through a light, humorous
der (especially trans parents who have transitioned approach, which can work well when dealing
before starting to raise kids, or trans men who with some weighty material. Co-authors Beige
are partnered with cisgender women, topics on (aka Dipstick) and Bieschke are experienced
LG BT writers and infuse the text with
personal stories and advice. And both
clearly care a lot for LGBT teens. However,
in keeping things so upbeat, and focusing
so much on dating and sex, Queer misses
the chance to at least touch on some more
somber and quite common issues youths
deal with, including alcoholism, substance
abuse and eating disorders. A bit more
practical information for homeless LGBT
teens might also have benefited the text.
GLBTQs subtitle promises that this
text is a survival guide, and in many ways,
it delivers on that promise.
Originally published in 2003, this second
edition includes fresh new graphics,
photos and updated content. Like Queer,
GLBTQ has information on dating, sex,
relationships and coming out, which youth
will find useful and offers less humor but
more practical advice than Queer. Written
by past PFLAG staff member Kelly Huegel,
this book includes comprehensive sections
on topics like "exercising your rights as a
GLBTQ student;' being a transgender
teen, dealing with stress and depression,
making responsible decisions about drug
and alcohol use and understanding the
"cultural differences" that might arise from
being queer and living in a mainstream
society. Alas, this book too also has no
information for homeless youth or on
disordered eating, topics that will hopefully
be included when the book is updated
again. For youth needing basic resources,
however, both Queer and GLBTQ; especially
read together, will provide both help, and
hope, for our most vulnerable community
members. ■
comeii&ili!
I
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October 2011
I 79
STARS
Octoberfest
See who you can meet, greet and sweep off her feet.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Charm and charisma can only take you so far this
October. For lesbian Libras who want to make the
earth move for a certain lovely lady, there is nothing
quite as intoxicating as the rubadub of cold hard cash.
Let's face it, evenings spent looking at sunsets are
great. But evenings spent luxuriating in a golden hot
tub and toasting with champagne are even better.
Aries(March21-April20)
You are a boiling cauldron of wet and wild fun this
October so don't waste a drop. Lambda Rams are
oozing with sensuality, raw sex and irresistible
charisma. Not only can you attract any lady you set
your sights on, you also seem to be on a few discerning
tasting menus yoursel£ Why ask why? The question is
who, what, when and where.
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
Who has the razzamatazz? Look no further than
Sapphic Scorpio. You are the center of attention and
women from all parts (interested in your parts) are
vying to get to know you better. A little vulnerability
is very alluring but choose when to allow a peek and
when to let them beg for more.
Taurus(April21-May21)
Partnerships take on a welcomed intensity. This can
mean that the two of you connect on a much more
meaningful level. Or it could mean that sparks fly that
create conflict. The secret is to see how you can make
the relationship better and stronger-if that is what
you want. By Halloween, you will know.
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.22)
There is a lot going on behind the scenes. The secret
to your October surprise is to be extra aware of the
comings and goings of certain folks to determine what
is up. You may also find that you are particularly intuitive and can divine some divine things. So keep your
eyes and ears open and your mouth ready for more.
Gemini(May22-June21)
This October sets you firmly in the "all work" and
"no play" mode. But don't despair. This is good news
because you will finally be able to complete all longfestering tasks and clean out your inbox. You may even
impress the big brass. Or not. But at least you will be
able to find an excuse to goof off in November.
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan.20)
Gal pals are on your "to do" list. Make October special
by planning a range of platonic festivities designed
to expand your social world into a galaxy. There is
an opportunity to get involved in a special group or
organization that can lead you into bigger better life
experiences. How big do you like them?
Cancer(June22-July23)
Expect a new romance to come your way this October
via something fun and absolutely frivolous. Tap into
your creativity and see what new artistic endeavors
come your way. Or maybe you can tap into the latest
party scene and make your best moves. Whatever you
decide to do, do it with flair.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
If you have any corporate aspirations, concentrate on
them this October. Aqueerians usually prefer to rage
against the machine but sometimes change is more
easily applied from the inside. Charm the power brokers
and worm your way into the executive starchamber.
Of course fine wine and caviar can be difficult to give
up once you get used to it.
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
The best things in life are free and close to home. At
least that is what you may discover this October. Proud
Lionesses can make their homes their lair, ready for
excitement and trapping their prey. But maybe a little
sprucing up is in order? Some small touches will reap
big rewards. So let's consider getting rid of that plastic
orange ottoman and wagon wheel coffee table.
Pisces(Feb.20-March20)
October can bring you international adventure and
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is
theauthorof Herscopes: intrigue-if you can get off your comfy couch. Expand
your influence and overall knowledge. You find that
A GuidetoAstrology
your new perspectives help solve a long vexing legal
for Lesbians
(Simon&
problem. Don't hide from the world-embrace the
Schuster)
(tinyurl.
com/HerScopes).
Nowavailable
asanebook.
possibilities and spread your wings.
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
It is not what you say but how you say it this month.
And you will say it beautifully. Words not only come
effortlessly to you, they can also pack a wallop. So don't
waste this remarkable opportunity by just flip-flapping
your tongue (although some of us like it that way). Use
it to move our cause one giant step forward. ■
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
LambdaLibrashavea rather
easyattitudetowardsmoney
andfinances.Thatis: Easy
come,easygo.Shealways
manages
to carryjust a
little lesscashthanwhatis
requiredto coverthe check.
Whilethis is notconsciously
intentional,
herlackof fiscal
planningcandriveother,more
practicalgals,absolutely
crazy.At thesametime,
shecanalsobeoneof the
mostgenerous
womenyou'll
evermeet.Whatshehasis
yoursandviceversa.She
hasnocompunction
about
goingthroughyourstuffand
borrowingwhatevercatches
herrovingeye.Saygoodbye
to it, sister!She'llsoonforget
that it everbelonged
to you
andwill happilylendit outto
uhh... someone
... sheforgets
who.Oh,didyouwantit back?
so Icurve
0
~
~
I
~
~~
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American
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Financial Review Your business is more than a dream or a calling; its growth is essential to
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#1 small business lender,1 with a long history of meeting the needs of the LGBT business community. That's why
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growing. Visit us online or come in and meet with a Wells Fargo Business Banker today.
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Fargo
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Allrights
reserved.
Member
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