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Description
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ToC Cover: The Big O - Suze Orman by Rachel Shatto (p56); Done With Crazy by Victoria A. Brownworth (p 30); The Trip of a Lifetime by Merryn Jones (p34); Boardroom Games by Stella & Lucy (p38); Lust in the Dust by Krisin Flickinger (p66); Sisters in Arms by Amber Hollbaugh & Syd London (p44); High Steppers by Jillian Eugenios (p49); Red, White, Blue and Green by Stephanie Schroeder (p51); Law of the Land by Adam L. Brinlow (p52); Stream Queen by Kim Hoffman (p54); Säo Paulo Passion by Kelsy Chauvin (p62); Cover Photo Marc Royce.
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issue
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8
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Date Issued
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October 2012
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol22_No8_October-2012_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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~
KAREN WILLIA
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Features
56
OCTOBER
2012
The Big 0
Suze Orman, the world's best-known and most
trusted financial advisor, offers indispensable
advice on money and love. By Sara Toce &
Rachel Shatto
30
Done With Crazy
How one lesbian beat a cycle of mental illness
and abuse and wrote the story of her life.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
34
The Trip of a Lifetime
Kelli Carpenter opens up about family life,
business and finding love again after Rosie.
By Merryn Johns
38
Boardroom Games
Our fun fashion spread gleefully breaks all the
workwear rules. By Stella & Lucy
66
Lust in the Dust
Calling all cowgirls (and bois): gay rodeo is the
new outdoor adventure. By Kristin Flickinger
ThePowerIssue
Learn how to succeed in life and make a
difference by following the leads of these
influential power dykes.
44
Sisters In Arms
Powerful portraits of radical women.
By Amber Hollibaugh & Syd London
49
High Steppers
Stiletto brings the glitz back to N.Y.C.
night life. By Jillian Eugenios
51
Red, White, Blue and Green
From the White House Nancy Sutley
spreads green power. By Stephanie
Schroeder
page page page
28
34
70
52
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Stream Queen
How Shirin Papillon made the Internet
inspiring for lesbians. By Kim Hoffman
page
4
Law of the Land
San Francisco's lesbian litigators are
changing the balance of power.
By Adam L. Brink/ow
62
Sao Paulo Passion
South America's mega-metropolis offers a
powerful experience. By Kelsy Chauvin
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October 2012
I1
Departments
OCTOBER
2012
13
IN EVERY ISSUE
6
8
10
12
19
20
22
29
80
26
Our monthly profile of lesbian couples
who live, love and work together.
Letters
Editor's Letter
Contributors
28
33
Lipstick & Dipstick
Scene
-
Stars
Curvatures
Think pink for Breast Cancer
Awareness month; escape with the
Sapphic serial adventures of Bold
Riley; catch up with what happened
around the world in the Rundown.
24
Fitness Advice
Just because you're expecting a
beautiful baby doesn't mean you
can't keep fit.
Politics
On the passing of Sally Ride, out astronaut,
we ask why influential lesbians aren't more
celebrated? By Victoria A. Brownworth
Lesbofile
70
13
Laugh Track
Karen Williams makes us laugh and harness
our power through her brand of comedy.
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Out in Front
The Two of Us
72
-
-
-
Music: Butterfly Boucher riffs on her hot
collaboration with Missy Higgins and what's
next in her own brilliant career.
76
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Books: Author Ellen Forney shares her
battle with bipolar disorder. Plus, we review
two must-haves for your queer collection.
74
s8
Tech: Take command of your business with
this selection of brilliant high-tech tools.
Film: Director Tanya Wexler calls the shots in
a film about the history of our favorite sex toy.
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ADVISORS
I want to makes.-~
what's mine is you s
Do you and your partner know who will inherit your money and assets? When it comes to
your fmancial legacy or estate, it's never too early to take action. That's a very good reason to
have a conversation with one of our ADPA-certih.ed Financial Advisors soon. We understand
the issues domestic partners face, and we can help you make sure that the assets you've built
as a family stay in your family. Learn more at wellsfargoadvisors.com/adpa.
Together we'll go far
Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisor'M and ADPA'Mare service marks of the College for Financial Planning®.
© 2012 Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC. Member SIPC. All rights reserved. CAR# 0512-1252A
e
Designing and Healing
Celesbian 1V designer and breast cancer survivor Leslie
Ezelle on her show Design Star All Stars and her second
lease on life four years after her diagnosis.
e
Splitting up and Keeping it Together
lndie R&B artist Toni Shepherd and director Nai Qazi called
it quits as a couple, but they still found a way to collaborate
on Shepherd's new video.
e
We Are/She
Is (above) and
Brooklyn in Love
Brooklyn is for Lesbian Lovers
The cast and creators of the web series Brooklyn is in Love
on growing up, falling in love and trying to make it in the big
city. Oh, and their hot new Sapphic storyline!
~
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Feeling the Beat
You fell in love with Tegan and Sara, now get smitten over
the indie pop duo that is We Are/She Is aka Merilou Salazar
and Jessie Meehan.
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©2012 AT&T Intellectual Property. All rights reserved. AT&T, the AT&T logo and all other AT&T
marks contained herein are trademarks of AT&T Intellectual Property and/or AT&T affiliated
companies. Limited 4G LTE availability in select markets. 4G speeds delivered by LTE, or
HSPA+ with enhanced backhaul, where available. Deployment ongoing. LTE is a trademark
of ETSI. Learn more at att.com/network.
Scan to View
highlights of AT&T's
commitment to the
LGBT community.
~
LETTERS
From Curve's
Facebook Wall
Lip Service for a third series. The series has
recently started airing in the U.S. so I really
believe it's something curve readers would
like to get behind. So far the twitition has
over 700 signatures and it has only been live
for just over two weeks! I was wondering if it
might be possible for curve to support the
petition. Twitition URL: http://www.twitition.com/hdp3q
-Lucy Sawdon-Collings, via email
Editor'sNote:OK readers, let's show the Brits
how much we want this show back!
Sapphic Support
I recently created an online tw1t1t1on via
Twitter to petition BBC3 to recommission
LoveHeather!I haveheralbum,and
it's absolutelyphenomenal.
Extremely
talentedandsweetperson.Excitedto
hearabouta UStour! -Rachel Kennon
Lovelovelovelip serviceandloveher!!
Adorethat wholecast!!
-Dawn Spalding
Greatcover!Keepit coming...!
-Laurie Jacobson
Lesbro Love
Giving Some Lip
Thank you for finally giving Heather Peace the
attention she deserves! What a treat to have a
lesbian TV show with a hot lesbian character who is on the butcher side of things and a
cop to boot! Also, your fashion and travel sections are equally pleasing and lovely to look
at. I would just like more of everything, and I
look forward to the day when curve is a good
chunky size like my other favorite women's
magazines. I could spend a lot longer each
month in curve-world.
-Rebecca Hollinghurst, Melbourne, Australia
I'm in lovewith hercharacterSamfrom
LipService,butshe'sa musiciantoo!
I'm a Iii wet overthis.....xoxo-Natasha
Rainbow-Rocket
Elliott
I always learn something when I read curve.
I usually find Victoria Brownworth's pieces
really fascinating and well-written, even
though I know that my world and hers are
very different. This latest piece [''Acts of
Violence;' 22#7], about the young lesbian
couple who was recently shot in Texas, was no
exception. On a lighter note, I really enjoyed
Rachel Shatto's piece on Heather Peace
["Peace of Her Heart"]! I hadn't even heard
of her, believe it or not, so again, I learned a lot.
She seems not only talented but also charming
and-dare I say it-really well-adjusted!
-Dave, Manhattan, N.Y.
By the Bi
Thankyoufor"NotJustA
Phase" [Vol. 22#6],
it brings to light a bit of truth that warrants a
close look at ourselves individually and as a
community. We all have our own normal and
if the LGBT community cannot find respect,
acceptance and equality within our own community can we find it anywhere2
- Jalene Eden, Sandstone, Minn.
Loveit!! I liveundera rockandjust
startedwatching.I immediatelynoticed
the hotdetectiveandwasso stokedto
seeheronthe cover(luckilythereis
maildeliveryunderthis rock).
-Shana O'Brien
Checkout Heatherin the series,Ultimate
Force!HardcoreSASBritishSpecial
Forces.Shejoinedfor the 3rd& 4th
series.Wow,gladshewasonthe good
guysside!-Stephanie DavyBarker
I'vedefinitelyfantasizedaboutthis one
in that copuniform!Excellentchoice,
ladies!!-Teresa Karson
Beyondhot.Andontop of beinghot
she'ssweet,kindanda bloodybrilliant
singer!-Aoife RoseCatherine
Heatheris amazing.Onstageandon
screen.Andthis month'scover,well,it's
the bestof both!!-Lisa Herrmann
Hot!Can'twait to readit!
-Frances Stevens
From the Trenches
When do
you feel
most
powerful
?
■
37% At work
31% At play
23% In bed
9% On stage
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
6
I curve
As a huge Lucy Lawless fan, I was delighted
to see her photo grace the cover of curve
[Vol. 22#6]. Surprisingly, for this lifelong
social worker, I was beyond delighted to read
of her very real appreciation of those of us
who work day in and day out in trenches of
Sendlettersto: curve magazine
POBox467,NewYork,NY10034
various justice professions. We typically remain
the unsung heroes. You made this social
worker's day! I smiled all the way to the office
with my copy of curve in tow!
-Amy Duemler, Phoenix
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EDITOR'S
NOTE
0
CTOBER
IS the best month of the year. Full disclosure:
It's my birthday month (why, thank you, it's nice to turn
39 ... again). October is also National Breast Cancer
Awareness Month, and I want to send a message of support
to all the breast cancer survivors out there. Curve readers are
with you and we wish you strength. We will survive!
October is also LGBT History Month, and if you visit
lgbthistorymonth.com, you can find ideas, resources and ways
to celebrate, as well as posters and bios of 31 icons from our
community, people who have made a difference in society.
And calling all closet~dwellers: Coming Out Day is October
11, so save the date. As an out lesbian, I advocate coming out
as a way to claim personal power. I know,
however, from personal experience that
coming out usually comes at a price. When
I came out to my mother, she didn't buy it:
It was just a phase, adolescent rebellion.
When I came out again in my 20s, in the
first flush of my first true love, she bought
it-and disowned me.
In the course of my life as a professional
lesbian, I have had many young people ask
me whether they should come out. My
answer is usually this: Yes, but be prepared
to lose something-a
parent, a sibling,
an employer, a friend-but
you will gain
something more important in return:
yoursel£ Truth be told, you only start to
come into your own once you reject the
disapproval of others.
This is our Power Issue-and a powerful
woman can be an uncomfortable concept. Men (and some
women) are not used to giving women power (and we're often
not good at claiming it).
If you're on Facebook or Twitter, you're no doubt aware of
the Texts From Hillary postings, in which real images of the
secretary of state, PDA in hand, are paired with captions and
images of everyone from Meryl Streep to Anna Wintour. Their
imaginary exchanges portray Clinton's seemingly effortless and
superior power plays via SMS. But I wonder if the Internet
would be as flattering to Clinton if she actually had become
president:'
This issue features the stories of women who have become
stronger for coming out and claiming their power: Karen
Williams, Kelli Carpenter, Nancy Sutley and Suze Orman.
After all, as our resident fashionistas Stella and Lucy say, Lez
Is More!
~~,_.
Merryn
Editor-i
merryn@curvemag.com
s I curve
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
OCTOBER 2012
I
LESBIAN
MAGAZINE
VOLUME 22 NUMBER 8
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenios
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Contributing Editors Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Stephanie Schroeder, Constance Parten
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
Editorial Assistants Adam Brinklow, Kim Hoffman
OPERATIONS
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
National Sales
Rivendell Media (908)232-2021, todd@curvemag.com
East Coast Sales
Robin Perron (910)795-0907, robin@curvemag.com
Business Development
Sallyanne Monti (510)545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Kathy Beige, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Maria De La 0,
Jill Goldstein, Lisa Gunther, Melany Joy Beck, Kristin Flickinger,
Gillian Kendall, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras
Lowrey, Jess McAvoy, Ariel Messman-Rucker, Emelina Minero,
Constance Parten, Laurie K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder,
Janelle Sorenson, Allison Steinberg, Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld,
Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes,
Syd London, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Constance Parten,
Leslie Van Stelten
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
Phone (415) 871-0569 Fax (510) 380-7487
Advertising Sales (415) 692-5420
Subscription Inquiries (800) 705-0070 (toll-tree in us only)
(818) 286-31 02 (outside US)
Digital Edition Subscriptions zinio.com/digital.curvemag
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 22 Issue 8 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY
10034. Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $89.95
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355).
Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part,
without written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any
persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an
indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve
welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response.
Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be
returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No responsibility is assumed
for loss or damages. The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions of the editor,
unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription Inquiries: Please write
to Curve, Avalon Media LLC., PO Box 467 New York NY 10034, email crvcs@magserv.com.
Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster:Send Canadianaddresschangesto crvcs@
magserv.com,Curve, PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8. Send U.S. address changesto
crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,CA 91615-7138. Printedin the U.S.
curvemag.com
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CONTRIBUTORS
JessMcAvoyhas spent the last 15 years documenting her
world through song, journals, paintings and photographs.
Most widely known as a solo live performer in her
native Australia, the prolific, self-managed artist decided
to spread her wings and move to Toronto last year.
Occasionally you can catch her playing packed-out gigs
in New York City at venues like The Living End. She
writes about music regularly for curve and this month
interviews fellow Aussie musician Butterfly Boucher on
page 76. 0essmcavoy.com)
VictoriaA. Brownworthis an award-winning journalist,
author and editor. Her work has appeared in the New York
Times, Village Voice, Chicago Sun-Times, Miami Herald,
Philadelphia Inquirer, Los Angeles Times, Baltimore Sun, the
Advocate, OUT, POZ and the Bay Area Reporter, among
others. Her series on homeless LGBT youth in Philadelphia
won the Society of Professional Journalists award as well
as the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association
award. She has been an editor for several publishing
houses and in 2010 she established Tiny Satchel Press,
an independent publisher of young adult books focused
on multicultural and LGBT inclusive writing. Her most
recent book From Where We Sit: Black Writers Write Black
Youth, has been nominated for the Coretta Scott King
Award. Her collection Tell Me Something Good: Talking
Black History, will be published in February 2013. Her
novella, Ordinary Mayhem, will be published in October in
Night Shadows. She is the founder of KITH (Kids in the
,o I curve
Hood), a mentoring program for inner city youth focused
on reading and writing, which will debut its first book in
November. She lives in Philadelphia with her partner, artist
Maddy Gold. (victoriabrownworth.com)
SarahToceis a respected journalist and editor located
in the Pacific Northwest. She is Co-Founder of TSL
Media and a graduate of the New York Conservatory of
Dramatic Arts. Her high-profile features have become the
center of numerous publications throughout the United
States. Recently, she reported on the Windy City Times'
AIDS @ 30 series, which won the prestigious Peter
Lisagor Award from the Chicago Headline Club, and
was nominated for a national Gay and Lesbian Alliance
Against Defamation (GLAAD) Award, in the same category with The New York Times and The Boston Globe.
Read her interview with financial maven Suze Orman on
page 56. ( theseattlelesbian.com)
SydLondon
holds a deep reverence for the potential power
of the photographic image. Her passion is telling stories
of subcultures that are often ignored, misunderstood
or shunned by society. She strives to communicate the
visceral moments of what is ultimately a shared human
experience. Currently, London is based in Brooklyn,
N.Y. working as a freelance assignment photographer
and photojournalist while building her own projects and
documentaries. Installations of her work have been seen
in Rome, Italy and New York City. (sydlondon.com) ■
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Bold As Brass
Step aside Merida, there's a new adventuress in town-and
unlike Brave'swild~haired heroine, this one plays for our
team. The Legendof Bold Riley,a new graphic novel by Leia
Weathington, is a collection of tales that follow the fantastical
exploits of the beautiful princess Rilavashana SanPariteaka Bold Riley-who forfeits her birthright for a chance at
adventure. Along the way she goes toe~to~to with all manner
of mythical critters, demons, ghost and even gods.
Part Sinbad, part Mulan, this sword and sorcery epic
swept us off our feet with its plucky female protagonist and
its gorgeous illustrations that demand to be lovingly lingered
over as each of the tales unfold. Clocking in at over 200
pages and featuring the artwork of Jason Thompson, Kelly
McKlellan and Konstantin Pogorelov, this is an appropriately
grand treatment for what no doubt will become your new
favorite comic.
TheLegendof BoldRileyfeels a bit like a
Ray Harryhausen film put on the printed
page, its tales brimming with fantastical
characters and creatures inspired by classic
tales like Gilgamesh and Beowul£ as well
as Indian and Mesoamerican myths. But
unlike the protagonists of the stories that
inspired it, this series' queer heroine
is just as comfortable slaying beasts as she is wooing the
ladies, so it's little surprise that Bold Riley has been hailed
as a feminist fairytale.
This swashbuckling adventure is a thrilling romp through
a world we hope to visit again and again. For fans of comics,
don't hesitate to add The Legend of Bold Riley to your col~
lection-and for those new to the medium it's an excellent
[RachelShatto]
introduction. (boldriley.com)
This swashbucklingadventureis
a thrillingromp througha world
we hope to visitagain and again.
October 2012
I 13
CURVATURES
1. IT'SELECTRIC
WearyourPinkPridewith a
CasaPorVidafor Wake-Up
CallTee.Theirtop-selling
teesare goingneonpinkfor
October.RealL Wordstar Romi
Klinger'sbrandis inspiredby
herfamily,her "housefor life,"
and 10 percentof salesgoes
to breastcancerresearch.
($26,wakeupcalltees.com)
[KimHoffman]
2. WATCH
WORD
RumbaTime's
Delancey
Cotton
Candywatchis a sweetand
timelywayto pushfor a cure.
Onsaleall year,becausethere's
nevera badtimeto supporta
greatcause.($45,Rumba
Time.com)
[AdamL.Brinklow]
3. LAVIEENROSE
WineMefounderRebecca
Surianohascreatedpinkstems
in honorof hergrandmother,
a breastcancersurvivor
Thislimited-edition
runof 31
glasses-onefor eachdayof
the month-will send25 percent
of all salesto research.
($35,
winemecompany.com)
[KH]
4. BALANCED
APPROACH
Keepputtingonefoot in frontof
the otherin yourNewBalance
615 LaceUpfor the Cure
runningshoes.NewBalance
donates5 percentof the retail
priceto cancerresearch.
($55,newbalance.com)
[ALB]
5. GENEROUS
LIPS
SkinnCosmetics'
TwinSet
Collagen
BoostLipstickandWet
Glossin PinkTulipgivesyoulips
that reallysay"Wow,"andevery
pennyof eachsalegoesstraight
to breastcancerresearch.
($19,skinn.com)[ALB]
6. PRETTY
IN PINK
Decorate
yourcheekswith
BobbiBrown'sPinkPeony
set,and$10 perpurchase
will
goto breastcancerresearch.
Peonies
representgood
fortune-great symbolism
for
an evenbettercause.($45,
bobbibrowncosmetics.com)
[KH]
1O.CHIC
CURE
ThePlatinumEditionFauvette
BirdSpeakerfromchicBuds
is compatible
with youriPod,
iPhone,computer-andthe
questfor a cure,with 20
percentof salesgoing
to cancerresearch.
($40,
chicbuds.com)
[ALB]
7. REALSTEEL
Hearthat?That'sthesoundof 10
percentof yourpurchase
price
of a SteelSeries
PinkSiberia
V2headsetgoingto theBreast
CancerResearch
Foundation.
($90,
steelseries.com)
[RachelShatto]
11. SOLIDARITY
SHADES
Glamupyourgivingspirit
with retro-inspired
shadesfrom
UniqueVintage.Notonlyare
theTresA-Go-Go
sunglasses
adorable,
but20 percentof all
proceeds
goesto the National
BreastCancerFoundation.
($90,unique-vintage.com)
[RS]
8. BEOURGUEST
Getacquainted
withthe new,
steamylesbianmovieTheGuest
House,for a goodcause.Wolfe
Videois donating1Opercent
of its DVDsalesonthisflick to
the LesbianHealth& Research
Center.
($20,wolfevideo.com)
[KH]
9. STRUMFORLIFE
Youdon'thaveto bea hipsteror
a Hawaiianmusicaficionado
to
appreciate
the KohalaRainbow
Seriesukulele.That'sbecause
20 percentof thisfour-stringed
beauty'spurchasepricegoesto
breastcancerresearch.
Sounds
prettysweetto us! ($120,
musicarts.com)
[RS]
12. BUZZ-WORTHY
BENEVOLENCE
Fightingbreastcancerhas
neverfelt betterthanwith
Babeland's
Powerto the Pink
gift setwhichturns1Opercent
of the purchasepriceoverto
theYoungSurvivalCoalition.
No
onesaidgivingbackcouldn'tbe
sexy!($94,babeland.com)
[RS]
CD
October 2012
I 15
CURVATURES
the rundown
CearaSturgis,represented by TheSouthern
Poverty
LawCenter,is threatening
to sue the Mississippi
Agriculture
andForestry
Museumif they don't allow
Sturgis and her partner EmilyKeyto hold a commitment ceremony at
the museum. The museum, which is state~owned, refused to allow two
men to have a ceremony on site earlier this year, and cite 2009 opinion
of Attorney
General,
JimHoodwhich says such ceremonies could be
declined because same~sex marriage is banned in Mississippi. Sturgis, now 20, sued
her school district in 2010 after she was left out of the high school yearbook for wearing a tuxedo ... In a new
book MarilynMonroe:
Mylittle Secretauthor TonyJerrisalleges that 1950s actor MarilynMonroehad a lesbian affair with Jane
Lawrence-whowas 16 at the time-after
the two became close through a shared troubled childhood which included having
been at the same orphanage. "Jane always struggled with her sexuality, she talked to Marilyn about this many times and she
was very understanding. She told her,'Whatever your sexual preference is, it means nothing-love
is love;" says Jerris in
the new book ... A 33~year~old lesbian in Lincoln,
Neb.was attacked in her home by three masked men. The attackers bound
her wrists and ankles with zip ties, and carved anti~gay slurs into her body including the word "Dyke'' before vandalizing
her home and setting it on fire. Police say they cannot yet determine if it was a hate crime, though Lincoln Mayor Chris
Beutlerhas denounced the crime as just that ... The Forum, a NorthDakotanewspaper, is reviewing its policies around
same~sex wedding announcements after receiving an outpouring of criticism when they refused an announcement from
lesbian couple AllisonJohnson
and Kelsey
Smith.The couple posted a screenshot of an email from the paper and it went viral
on the Internet, which included the creation of a petition
at Change.org, which has gathered over 2,000 signatures
in support of the couple. Johnson and Smith plan to be
married in N.Y.C
.... A 16~year~old lesbian whose name has
not been released and her two friends were brutally beaten
in Louisville,
Ky.by four adults shouting anti~gay slurs. The
men beat her to the ground, repeatedly kicked her in the
stomach, broke her jaw and knocked out several teeth. The
two boys she was with attempted to defend her and called
911, but were also beaten. [Sassafras
Lowrey]
You know what reallyconveys
power? Boldness!It doesnjt
get much bolderthan this
cap sleevetee from Dyke
Tees. So let your flamer
flag fly!($25,dyketees.com)
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I curve
OUTINFRONT
Long-Term
Commitments
Fighting for change is a lifetime
goal of these two lesbians.
By Sheryl Kay
Family Circle
There have been some radical changes for
gave birth
LGBT parents since RachelEpstein
to her own child 20 years ago-changes that
are due to the hard work she's been engaged
m ever smce.
It all started in Toronto, Canada, in 1997,
when Epstein co,founded a program called
Dykes Planning Tykes, which then engen,
dered Daddies & Papas 2B, Trans masculine
People Considering Pregnancy, and Queer &
Trans Family Planning(s)."I became aware of
how little information is out there for queer
people who want to have children, how isolated
some people continue to be, and how much we
need community as we bring children into our
lives;' Epstein says.
Today, Epstein coordinates the LGBTQ
Parenting Connection. Based in Toronto,
this dynamic, multifaceted program supports
parents, children and the greater commu,
nity. Most recently, she's collaborated with
filmmaker Remy Huberdeau to produce
Traniforming Family, a short movie that intro,
duces the issues facing trans parents, and she's
worked on a project funded by the Canadian
Institutes of Health Research in which she
interviews LGBT people across Ontario
about their experiences with fertility clinics.
Given her extensive experience with LGBT
families, Epstein is frustrated by those who
say that children raised in such families unduly
suffer because they have parents of the same
gender. Noting the defensive position the gay
community has had to adopt for decades,
having to prove that our kids turn out
"normal"-that
is, just like kids who grow
up in heterosexual families-Epstein
says
the focus must now change. "I am way more
interested in recent research that explores the
differences, the unique opportunities that may
exist for kids growing up in our families-like
awareness and openness to social diversity of
all kinds, less gender stereotyping, higher self,
esteem and more equal parenting" she says.
To those who continue to propound the
farcical notion that the children of LGBT
families are disadvantaged, Epstein suggests
that they take an educational moment. "Open
your hearts and minds and learn from LGBT
families;' she says. "We are not perfect, we
struggle like everyone else, but perhaps there
are some powerful lessons to learn from fami,
lies ... who are challenging traditional notions
of family in creative and exciting ways:'
On the Page
HeidiShinkhas worn more different hats than
the Queen of England-and, fashion aside, in
her own royal way she excels at all she does.
From the early 1990s, when she sang and
played guitar beside Chas (then Chastity)
Bono in the band Ceremony, until today, when
her current positions include Human Services
commissioner for West Hollywood, co,chair
of Outreach for the Stonewall Democrats
and board member of the National Gay and
Lesbian Victory Fund, Shink has devoted
more than 20 years to community activism,
advocating for women, the LGBT commu,
nity, the environment and labor unions.
Somewhere in the midst of those years,
she also served as senior producer at the E!
Entertainment Network, helped launch Cher.
com and co,authored a couple of books.
Much of her energy and dedication dates
back to her younger days. After she announced
to her very unreceptive parents that she was a
lesbian, Shink was kicked out of her house.
Essentially homeless, she moved into a
friend's dorm room in Manhattan, lived as
an out,and,proud gay woman and became
a devoted member of the group ACT UP.
"Being involved in political activism gave
me a constructive place to vent my anger
at homophobia, both familial and societal;'
she says. "More than just giving me purpose
in those early out days, it gave me hope,
strength and the courage to lead:' (She has
since reunited with her folks, who are now
are very involved with PFLAG.)
While she feels that the LGBT community
has made some strides, significant hurdles
still remain, not the least of which concern
finances. She notes that lesbians still have to
work harder, and are paid less than men for
doing the same job. She recalls her own recent
experience of being turned down by numer,
ous publishing houses, after a manuscript of
hers had been well received by several editor
acquaintances. She suspected that gender
might be an issue, so she changed the name
under which she had been submitting the
work, using only her first two initials.
"Guess what?" she says. "I got an agent!
And my acceptance letter read, 'Dear Mr.
Shink: Mister, ha! But there you have it. The
proof is in the misogyny:'
Shink says there is no better time than now
to take up the good fight. "We inch forward
while we also take many steps back;' she says.
"That's why I remain so active in politics. You
can't let your guard down for a second:' ■
October 2012
I 19
LESBOFILE
Keeping Busy Cat is celebrated, Kesha ties the knot,
and Amber and Tasya are still on. By Jocelyn Voo
This is What a
Transfeminist
Looks Like
Though, up to this
point, largely overshadowed by more visible
trans celebs (paging Chaz Bono), Stephen
Ira Beatty, trans son of Warren Beatty and
Annette Bening, recently made waves with
an illuminating video sent to online com~
munity We Happy Trans.
In his homemade video, Beatty dishes
on his role models, aspirations and biggest
supporters. Of the latter, most notably it's
not his Hollywood parents. It's his peers,
who have supported him since he started
transitioning at 14-a refreshing take from
the typical high school bully rap. So per~
haps that's why he's spreading the love: "I
am going to have babies! And give them
onesies with 'This Is What AT ransfeminist
Looks Like' on them!"
Strong words from a self~described "trans
man, a faggy queen, a homosexual, a queer,
a nerd fighter, a writer, an artist and a guy
who needs a haircut"-and we're all for it.
20
I curve
She Who Gives Away the Bride
What's even better than getting hitched
to the love of your life? Having Kesha
perform the commitment ceremony.
The "Tik Tok" pop singer, who happens
to also be an ordained minister, sealed the
deal for two of her dose lady friends in
California this past June. Sadly, no reports
of typical Kesha shenanigans of the "drank
so much I puked in a closet" variety, like she
did at Paris Hilton's house. We thought
we'd never say it-but we're glad Kesha's
being a little conservative-just this once.
Homewrecker Heard?
Much hubbub has been
swirling about the Johnny
Depp/Vanessa Paradis split,
with tabloids now linking
the dreamboat actor with
The Rum Diary co~star
(and out bisexual actor)
Amber Heard. However,
according to the Daily Mail
(and its paparazzi proof),
Amber
Heard
Heard looks to be still with longtime
photographer girlfriend Tasya van Ree,
both appearing in good spirits and palling
about with Heard's adorable Yorkshire
terrier, Pistol.
Look, we know Depp's been crowned
Sexiest Man Alive before ... but have you
seen van Reer
The Big Cheese
For an industry that's widely known for its
male dominance, it's always more than a
pleasure to see a woman rise to the top. In
this case, it's famed chef Cat Cora
who is being inducted into the
American Culinary Federation's
American Academy of Chefs Hall
of Fame as 2012's Celebrated
Che£ Small potatoes? For Cora,
a woman who operates multiple
restaurants,
co~hosts
foodie
reality show Around the World
in 80 Plates and still has time to
parent four young boys with her
longtime partner, we think not. ■
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She Said
Help! I'm Attracted to Women and Men!
Just relax and focus on the journey. By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I am confused. I find myself
attracted to certain characteristics of a person, never
mind whether it's a boy or a girl. I have no idea who I
am, or what I like. Right now, I have a huge crush on
this woman, but I'm lost beyond that. I don't even know
what I'm writing anymore. Help! -In the Dark in Detroit
Lipstick:
If all our inhibitions were stripped
away, many people wouldn't know whether
to pick up men or women, and, in turn,
whether to pick up the swimsuit issue of
Sports Illustrated or People's"Sexiest Man
Alive:' All mammals are bisexual creatures.
Maybe insects, too.
Dipstick:
Well, I wouldn't go quite that far,
Lipstick. And insects? Really?
Lipstick:Dark in Detroit, you just haven't
found your compass yet. Here's why:
Sexuality is a moving target, so it's hard
to nail, so to speak, especially when you're
just beginning your sexpedition. Likewise,
it changes its colors with the day, even the
hour, depending on a myriad of influences,
including hormones-and
if you've had
the Kusshi oysters for lunch.
Dipstick:
No, Lipstick, I pretty much knew
where I wanted to point my arrow since
I was old enough to hold a bow in my
hand. But I will agree that it's not that easy
for everyone else to figure out. Also, it's
important to note that sexual orientation
is different from sexual attraction. I might
look at Johnny Depp and think he's hot (he
kind of looks like a girl, doesn't he?), but
that doesn't mean I want what's under his
swimsuit. What makes someone a lesbian,
or bisexual, or straight, is not who she likes
to look at, but who she wants to bring
home and make a life with.
22
I curve
Lipstick:Who said anything about sexual
orientation? Detroit is lost at a fundamental
level-attraction-and
that is the advice
I'm throwing down here. Detroit, don't
worry about finding your destination right
now, just focus on the journey and opening
yourself up.
night? While you're there, your first intention should be to meet new cronies, not
find a girlfriend-so leave your wrestling
singlet and headgear at home. These new
friends will likely have an endless lesbianic
network, which you could soon be a part 0£
Know going in, however, that there will be
no welcoming party and dyke packs tend to
be tough to break into. Play pool, be sociable
and make an effort, but remember that there
is a fine line between being enthusiastic and
being aggressive. The latter will turn off a
potential pal as quickly as it will scare off a
potential lover, so be chill, and move on if
there aren't any friendly sparks.
DearLipstickand Dipstick:I am 29, and my
(nowex) girlfriend,
Patrice,
is 32. Shortlyafter
wegottogether,
sheinformed
methatshewas
DearLipstickand Dipstick:I've beenin the tryingto get pregnant-thenaturalway.She
she'swanted
closetfor28 years.I'm now37.HowcanI find claimedthatthis is something
otherwomenlikeme?-Head in theClouds for a longtime,andthat she'snot goingto
waitfora long-term,
seriousrelationship
with
Dipstick:
Welcome to the real world, little anotherwomanin orderto pursuepregnancy
I am not interestedin or
chicken. So glad you finally stepped out of and motherhood.
readyto havechildren
yet,soI toldPatricethat
that musty coop. Take a few deep breaths,
betweenuswasnotpossible.
flap your feathers, put your face to the sun, a relationship
Afterseveralweeksof spending
considerand claim your space in the world.Just start
the two of us
walking down the street. Look women in ableamountsof timetogether,
anyway,and she
the eye. Smile at them. Tell them they look settledinto a relationship
pretty. Skip your merry little heart down to toldmethatshelovedme.Duringthisperiod
oftime,shecontinued
sleeping
witha stranger
your local gay watering hole, community
center, poetry slam or lube wrestling party, she'dmetontheInternet,in hopesthatshe'd
get pregnant,
despitemy attemptsandpleas
and jump right in.
to getherto stop.
After five monthsof this, I finallybroke
Lipstick:You've been in the closet for 28
thingsoff with her,sayingthat our priorities
years? There must be quite the pent-up
andrestating
thatI did
dyke in there! Based on that, I like Dipstick's wereclearlydifferent,
wrestling party idea. Before you lube your- not want childrenrightnow.Withindaysof
our breakup,shesleptwith Mr. InternetGuy
self up, though, you should learn some
new moves, like the Flapping Merkin, the againandfinallygotpregnant.
Myexisnotemotionally
orfinancially
stable
Iron Fist of Hummus and the Outback
Hatchback Slam. They may help you score enoughto gothroughthisrightnow,evenin
thecontextof a lovingrelationship,
muchless
some points.
As for where to meet women outside the on her own.Sheis upsetthat I am notsuprink, why not hit the queer bars on ladies' portiveof her choice,doesnot understand
clrck
away
whyI feelhurtandbetrayed,
andcannotsee
whata difficultsituationsheis puttingherselfandherunborn
childin.DoI tryto beher
friendthroughthis,eventhoughI amdevastatedandappalled,
or doI cutoffall contact
withherandwalkaway?-Mind-Boggled
in
theMidwest
a:
w
~
a:
if
w
c3
(!}
<(
~
Dipstick:
How dare she! The nerve ofherpursuing her dreams after you showed
up and told her they were a bad idea.
Keep telling her what an irresponsible
person she is and how she's not prepared
to be a parent. That will show her! And
when the baby comes and she's having a
sleep~deprived mental breakdown, walking
blearily through life covered in mashed
carrots and spit~up, don't offer to do the
laundry for her, walk the dog, or drive her
to a doctor's appointment. Instead, drive
by her house with your pals and laugh at
the sorry state her yard is in, and throw
a fast~food bag out your car window to
add to the overgrown mess. Don't show
up with a casserole, or offer to babysit,
or run to the store for groceries. Nope,
sit back with a cold beer and gloat in all
your glory. You're right, after all, and she's
wrong! So there!
Lipstick:Wow, Dip, did you have a Red
Bull before working on this question?
Mind~ Boggled, you need to pick up
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
You're addicted to trying to save/fix
Patrice, so you've made one bad decision
after another. She made her intentions
clear in the beginning. You told her you
didn't want kids, so the relationship wasn't
possible, but you lezzied out and settled
into one anyway. You were aghast when
she continued screwing the sperminator,
yet you lay in that bed for five months.
I'm glad you finally came to your senses
and ended it. How can you continue do~
ing the same thing and expect a different
outcome? My advice (to paraphrase the
subtitle of Beattie's book) is: Stop trying
to control others and instead start caring
for yoursel£ ■
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curvemag.com
ADVICE Fitness
A Bigger Body of Benefits
How fitness contributes to a healthy pregnancy.
By Jill Sloane Goldstein
I recently saw a news story about a fitness
trainer who willingly stopped working out
and gained nearly 72 pounds in order to
experience the arduous process of weight
loss. His aim was to acquire a better under,
standing of his clients' plight. Quite the
emotional and physical undertaking that
not many people can understand and even
fewer would be willing to do. But what
struck me about his story was not the
"stunt" he was pursuing but the insights he
was stumbling upon throughout his journey.
One of his biggest realizations was what
the body was and was not capable of under
its new physical conditions. His motives
and tactics aside, I began to understand
the concept.
I am currently 8 months pregnant. It is
the most beautiful and rewarding journey
I've ever been on (only to be rivaled by actu,
ally raising my son,to,be). But very honestly,
it's also the most difficult. As a fitness
enthusiast, I was very overwhelmed in the
beginning as my body began to change and
my capabilities in the gym began to wane.
Slowly, but surely, the abdominal muscles
I slaved for were being taken over by my
belly's ongoing expansion. My thighs began
to show signs of the "dreaded" stretch marks.
My breasts grew (and grew and grew) and
became heavier than some of the dumb,
bells I'd lift during bicep routines at the
gym. And my top,notch running endurance
became something of a distant memory. I
was growing and changing daily and the
activities and benefits I enjoyed for nearly
20 years were no longer my realities. As
superficial as it sounds, it wasn't initially
easy for me. I struggled with the adjust,
ments both physically and emotionally. But
with one ultrasound, where I got to "meet"
my little boy and fully see his little precious
body developing within mine, everything
changed. I was overcome with a true under,
standing of this profound transformation.
My priorities suddenly shifted from better,
ing my body to perfecting his.
I was resigned to hanging up my running
shoes till the late fall, when the unexpected
24
I curve
The healthyand
efficientheart
functionof regular
exerciserscan
directlyand
positivelyimpact
the heart healthof
the fetus.
happened. My OBGYN insisted I keep
exercising, citing a plethora of benefits it
would bring to my pregnancy. For start,
ers, it would not only help stabilize my
new hormonal moods, but it would boost
my plunging energy levels. Maintaining
a strong cardiovascular and muscle sys,
tern would mean I'd require less energy
to do normal everyday tasks. Anyone
who's experienced their first trimester
knows that something that once seemed
so simple like grocery shopping can be
utterly exhausting! So restored energy
was a gift. Regular exercise that stretches
and strengthens would also help my body
cope better with aches, pains and other
uncomfortable symptoms of pregnancy
while also promoting better sleep patterns.
Furthermore, it could lower my risk of ges,
tational diabetes and pregnancy,induced
hypertension.
I also learned of the oh,so appealing
benefit of exercise actually making my pre/
post and actual delivery easier. The more
strength (i.e. back, abdominal, leg mus,
des) and stamina I had going into labor,
the shorter the time it would potentially
take me to deliver the baby. Moreover, the
strength would significantly reduce my
postpartum recovery time. Muscle memory
from my prenatal fitness would help me
physically regain my pre,pregnancy body
while ingrained exercise habits would assist
me mentally. Hearing those words from
my doctor's mouth nearly threw me into a
set of lunges in his office.
But what truly solidified my ongoing
commitment to the gym and staying fit
~
w
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CJ
during a time that could easily be spent
sedentary and snacking was learning that
my little boy~to~be could also reap the
rewards of my continued sweat. Research
has shown that the healthy and efficient
heart function of regular exercisers can
directly and positively impact the heart
health of the fetus. Additionally, studies
have shown that women who exercise during
pregnancy are more likely to give birth to
babies with healthier weights-meaning,
not too large.
With a long~standing affinity for fitness
and tremendous health incentives for me
and my baby, staying on an exercise path
these past eight months proved feasible.
But lower energy levels, increased weight,
decreased mobility and a few new aches
posed some challenges. Working out requires
a much stronger mental willpower than it
had in the past-despite
my initial hope
that having two beating hearts in my body
would somehow make it all easier!
That wasn't the only adjustment needed.
I also had to shift my game plan to uncov~
ering the kinds of exercises I could safely
incorporate into my pregnancy-focusing
on staying healthy and fit versus ripped
and unstoppable. It would necessitate less
intensity and a significant variance on both
cardio and weight training activities.
As it turns out, my growing physique
and new fitness approach has brought me
a whole new set of benefits and pleasures
that six~packs and tight glutes can't hold a
candle to. ■
PREGNANCYFITTIPS
Swimming is one of the best and
safest exercises you can do while
pregnant. This no-impact workout
engages both large and small muscle
groups (arms and legs) and provides
excellent cardiovascular benefits,
improving your circulation, strength
and endurance. Moreover, the buoyancy of the water takes the pressure
off of your joints and makes your
growing body feel light and weightless. So get wet and get moving. Just
30 minutes of laps (stroke of your
choice) is an excellent way to stay
healthy, strong and fit. The first few
laps are the most challenging and
may leave you discouraged but stick
with it. Your muscles and lungs will
adapt and the exercise will get more
manageable. (swimoutlet.com offers
great maternity one-piece suits).
Cycling is also great cardio exercise
for pregnancy that can give you a
strenuous workout. A stationary bike
is optimal, as it eliminates your risk of
falling (during pregnancy, your center
of gravity shifts and could affect your
balance). Try not to coast through on
very low levels throughout-which
is
easy to do on the bike-or you won't
receive the full fitness benefits. You
must include resistance and intervals
to challenge your muscles, otherwise
the body won't respond. The bike
supports your weight, so there's less
stress on your body.
Walking/Jogging/Running
maintain good cardiovascular
health and work the muscles
throughout your body. But
with added weight and
greater risks from pregnancy,
precautions need to be taken.
It is imperative that you
listen to your body, stay well
hydrated, avoid overheating
and monitor your heart rate
closely. If you were a runner
prior to pregnancy (and
have your doctor's blessing)
there is no reason you can't
continue. But be prepared
to revise your routine-daily.
Goal planning can be a lesson
in futility because your energy
levels vary day to day.
Walking can be started at
any point during pregnancy,
suiting women of different
fitness levels. It's not jarring
on the joints, can be done almost
anywhere and builds endurance that
you'll appreciate in labor.
it's not recommended to do stomach
exercises on your back after your first
trimester, you can do the plank and
side plank for 30-60 seconds.
Ab Workouts Believe it or not, you
still have ample stomach muscles
behind that beautiful growing belly
and they can be your best friend.
Safely maintaining a strong core
can aid in delivery, ensure a more
comfortable pregnancy as backaches
prevail and even help you regain
your lean look soon after birth. While
According to The American College
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists,
becoming active and exercising at least
30 minutes on most, if not all, days can
benefit your health during pregnancybut only if you are free of medical and
pregnancy complications. Make sure to
consult your doctor before starting or
continuing any fitness regimen.
October 2012
I 25
Marlee and Tully
Marlee Walchuk and Tully Callender balance marriage, music, a new book and running
Right0ut1V, their global music video awards. By Merryn Johns
How they met
Marlee:We met in Sydney, Australia in 200 L I had gone there to
pursue a relationship with another woman who I had met through
Aussie friends and Tully was a good friend of hers.
Tully:I had just married a lovely man and had never been in a
lesbian relationship or even thought about it.
Marlee:The four of us went to dinner one night. Tully and I had
an instant spark as friends and we found we had many things in
common. She had played music her whole life and I had been a
professional musician since I was 14. She had lived in Canada for a
year and loved my hometown. We talked all night about music and
Vancouver. I'm sure our partners were totally bored!
Tully:Even though we had a strong connection, we didn't consider
the possibility of being together for another five years.
26
I curve
On making art together
Tully:Eight months after becoming a couple we moved back to
Canada. We had jammed together at parties in Australia but once
we settled in Vancouver we started to look at doing music together
professionally.
Marlee:One afternoon I came up with an idea for the chorus for "I
Just Love Girls" and brought it home to see what Tully thought. She
started plucking out some melodies under my lyrics and before we
knew it, we had written our first song together.
Tully:We knew early on that we had a great combination of creative
and business skills so working together was inevitable. We recorded
our first EP two months later and in July 2007 Sugarbeach was born.
On living and working together
Marlee:I would say if there is one challenge, it's that we have to
I believethat you know
you're with the right
personif you are able
to be, create, grow,
learnand achieveso
much more than you
can on your own.
work at taking breaks from our projects and music to
just be a couple. We try to keep our relationship as the
first priority. Sunday is our day. We sleep in, cook, talk,
play and we try to get away for an occasional weekend
on an island without our computers.
Tully:Honestly, it was like we had always been together,
it was easy and all we wanted to do was be with each
other and work together. Is that too nauseating?
Why they work so well together
Marlee:When you start a working relationship with this much
love, there's no competing. We also have the same crazy work
ethic, which makes it all so much easier.
Tully:We both have different roles and different skill sets so
whether we're writing, recording, marketing or trying to create
more exposure for artists on RightOut TV, we rarely cross over on
the same task. One thing we do well together is strategize. We talk
constantly about what insane, completely unrealistic idea we're
going to do next and how we're going to do it.
How they resolve differences
Marlee:We've never had a fight. That was one of the things that
prompted us to create a relationship workshop along with our
performance at the National Women's Music Festival this year. We
really analyzed what we were doing that was making this journey
together so peaceful and happy. We do disagree on occasion but
we try to express our opinions without hysterics and huge emo~
tion. We talk everything out calmly and circumvent any potential
drama without suppressing anything.
Tully:I have a process that I go through before I respond, if Marlee
says that she is unhappy about something related to me. I go through
each of these steps and it stops a potential fight every time: I ask
mysel£ Is she right? Is what she said fair or justified? Do I just feel
like a fight-or does sher Am I really interested in her not feeling
upset? Is it really about something else? By approaching an issue
this way we avoid saying hurtful things that can never be taken back.
How their workshops can help other couples
Marlee:After creating our workshop we realized that we do have
some valuable info to share so we are in the process of writing a
book on what we've learned. Tully has a degree in psychology and
both of us are voracious readers of anything that helps us to grow as
people and as a couple. Were covering everything from introversion
vs. extraversion to lesbian bed death. We give examples through
our stories and those of our friends-of course we've changed their
names or they'd kill us! If any of your readers would like to be noti~
fied of the book's release, or where we may be presenting workshops,
they can email us at productionspink@gmail.com.
Why they married
Marlee:I'm sure our getting married might seem strange especially
considering that Tully had just left a marriage. Once I realized I
was gay, I had deleted the possibility of ever marrying; in fact I
wasn't even sure I believed in it. All of that changed when we got
together and I knew that I had waited my whole life for a love
like this and I was so fortunate to have it. I proposed less than a
year after we got together, at the top of Grouse Mountain with
one knee in the snow, crying my eyes out ... I'm surprised she
understood a word I said.
Tully:I believe that you know you're with the right person if you
are able to be, create, grow, learn and achieve so much more than
you can on your own. Getting married just seemed to make sense
to me. Once we were married we had a sense of people taking
our relationship much more seriously, perhaps because we legally
committed in a way that they understood and viewed as some~
thing to be respected. (sugarbeachmusic.com) ■
October 2012
I 27
LAUGH
TRACK
Comedy With Clout
Stand-up comic and inspirational speaker Karen Williams shares her power with the people
(while cracking them up). By Jillian Eugenios
Karen Williams has been performing stand-up since the 1980s,
and she isn't slowing down. I caught her just as she was about to
run out the door for a night out on the town with one of Bob
Marley's former backup singers, Sister Carol. Williams certainly
deserved a night off. She had just hopped off the boat from performances on an Olivia cruise through Scandinavia, and was busy
planning three birthday parties, all on the same weekend and all
on her own, with one benefiting the local LGBT center near her
home in Cleveland, Ohio. We caught up to talk funny business,
the power in laughter and just who she met at a Black Panther
meeting when she was a teen.
Whenyou'renotperforming
comedy
you'rehosting
motivational
seminars
at yourHahaInstitute.
Whatdoyouteachpeople
there?
I've been interested in power dynamics all my life. What causes
people a great deal of stress, anxiety and pain are power dynamics
that are abusive. So whether it's in the family or work dynamic,
or however it's manifesting, people get very uncomfortable with
power. The reality is that you have to have a sense of your own
personal power to have an impact.
Whatexactlydo youteachpeopleabouttheirownpowerandhowis
powerconnected
to laughter?
I have a lot of confidence that people want to be happy, and that
they're hopeful the actions they take will bring them towards their
happiness. [The Haha Institute] is like having a guide along the
way. I tell people, "Maybe if you try this it might work better than
that;' or, "I think you can do this;' and, "Let's laugh about that:' For
me, the power of compassion, the power of kindness, the power
of empathy really resonates with my life and I think that's a lot of
what I'm sharing with people.
You'rein your40thyearof practicing
Buddhism.
Howwouldyousay
Buddhism
hasinfluenced
yourcomedy?
Prior to practicing I was just having angry responses to the abuses
that were taking place, whether they were cultural in society or
whether it was personal. For women in particular we don't have a
lot of outlets for our anger so a lot of it gets turned inward. I was
definitely on that path where my anger was being turned against
myself and that's not productive. People say when I first started
performing I was so angry. And I don't take offense to it. Yeah, I
was angry. There is shit to be angry about, but I don't want to be so
angry that I can't take constructive action.
Would
youcountyourstand-up
asconstructive
action?
I credit two things for my own salvation: the chanting related to the
2s
I curve
Buddhist practice I do, and the craft of comedy. They gave me an
outlet for expression of that pain and anger. I could see that there
was something wrong. I was wondering, "Does anyone else see it?
If they see it how come they're not speaking about it?" Without
[chanting and comedy] I would've just imploded. Fortunately
there's a lot of self-discovery in the process-but
I also had really
good teachers.
Bothin Buddhism
andincomedy?
In life. When I was 14 I remember going to a Black Panther
meeting in Brooklyn and seeing Kathleen Cleaver. A beautiful,
articulate, brown-skinned woman talking about rights and
peace and empowerment. I was like, "Wow, who is this?" At 14!
(hahainstitute.com) ■
SCENE
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High Society
New York City lesbians in the Pride limelight.
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Chely Wright and Lauren Blitzer attended the screening of
Chely Wright: Wish Me Away in New York City at Quad
Cinema on June 1 with producer~directors Beverly Kopf
and Bobbie Birleffi. On June 12, in celebration of Pride
month, Speaker Christine C. Quinn and New York City
council members honored Dee Rees, director of the film
Pariah.Whoopi Goldberg was emcee and the Broadway cast
of SisterAct gave a special performance. On June 22, also in
N.Y.C., in a SoHo penthouse, LGBT networkers dot429
held their Pride celebration attended by Jane Velez~Mitchell
and lesbians~about~town with the price of admission benefit~
ing Newfest, the New York LGBT Film Festival. ■
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October 2012
I 29
:Howonelesbjanfoughtmental
Hlnessand Hvedto tell the tale.
By Victoria A. Brownwodh
NEOFTHEFIRSTthings you notice about Stephanie
Schroeder is that she's not crazy. Centered, focused,
funny, with a souNon of self-deprecation, she tells
her story of mental illness, attempted suicide and
a late-in-life diagnosis of bipolar disorder with a wry honesty
and humor that supports, rather than belies, her success in
dealing with the struggles she's been through.
In her newly released memoir, Beautiful Wreck: Sex, Lies
& Suicide,Schroeder tells the harrowing tale of her spiral
into severe, debilitating, suicidal depression. And while that
story may seem like one we've heard before, it isn't. Schroeder
is a lesbian and she isn't just revealing the brutal and painful
details of her own life-she's illuminating a larger picture:
the sometimes toxic lesbian community in which boundaries
can be virtually nonexistent and women regularly mistake the
abusive behavior of their partners for eccentricity or, what's
worse, the norm.
Schroeder's story is as much about the hidden world of
lesbian domestic abuse-physical and psychological-as it is
about the hidden world of mental illness in America.
The background to Schroeder's experience is all around us,
but written in invisible ink. We hear a lot about the most
extreme cases of mental illness in America: the Dark Knight
killer in Aurora, Colo., the man who shot Rep. Gabby Giffords
in Tucson, Ariz., the mass murderer at Virginia Tech. These
killers all suffered from untreated mental illness so severe that
it provoked a psychotic episode. More often, though, people
with mental illness seem basically OK, capable of going to
work and living life day-to-day while they try to cope with
depression, anxiety or more.
According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA),
one in 10 Americans battle depression
and one in six battle some other form of
by swallowjngseveralhundredpHls:
mental illness, chronically. The origins
very strongantj-depressants,
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of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder
can be genetic, although not everyone
mood stabrnzers,sleepjngpHls,
who suffers from these illnesses inherits
wHh orangejuke,
them. Many mental illnesses, such as
ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity
farnngasleepjn my bed and
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stewjngjn my varjousbodHyflujdsfor 24 hours
disorder) begin in childhood. Others
appear later in life, and in recent years
untHPhoebe,my gjrlfrjendof five or sjx months,
the APA has indicated that depression
is a leading killer of older Americans; as
many as half of all people over 60 suffer
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from severe depression. Suicide spikes in people over 60,
as well. Psychotropic drugs are now the most frequently
prescribed medications, after antibiotics and drugs to lower
cholesterol. Yet despite the fact that mental illness impacts
more Americans than diabetes or cancer, people with the
disease are often ignored, ostracized, or marginalized.
More than most people with mental illness, Schroeder
seemed almost hyper~normal. Good job, stable relation~
ship. She was attractive and fit, living what could be called
the American Dream. But in reality, she was living a night~
mare so inescapable that she tried to take her own life.
More than once.
Beautiful Wreck is a difficult book to read, especially in
the beginning. Many lesbians will start to feel a gnawing
discomfort as they read about Schroeder's high~powered
and controlling partner, Lauren, who demanded that
Schroeder share everything with her, whether she wanted
to or not. This included compulsory gym attendance,
dietary restrictions and eventually even a child.
The memoir will resonate with many lesbians
because there are so many Laurens out thereattractive women who seem to have it all together and
who lure partners in with the promise of a perfect
mainstream life.
As Schroeder discovered, with these women there
is no place to say no. No place to be anything but an
adjunct to someone else's life, someone else's choices
and demands. When there is no place to exist, really,
then you want to die.
One of the ways women coping with mental illness
are often dismissed in the lesbian community is by being
labeled "drama queens:'"Lesbian drama" is a term used
for domestic conflict, and often inappropriately. In just
this way, a book like Schroeder's might be dismissed
or misconstrued by some. But Schroeder thinks she
is on to something much more important.
"I sometimes think about how I used to live in
chaos and crave drama to mask other feelings, and
this book bears that out, certainly. I've chosen to
currently live without drama, lesbian or otherwise,
and pursue a healthy life that includes a healthy,
intimate relationship with another woman, but
people who have read the book all relate to it in the
way I intended: They see parts of themselves in my
story. They relate to depression, mostly, which is a
total epidemic. Many people relate to the intimate~
partner violence-even straight men who have read it
tell me about abusive partners:'
Beautiful Wreck is often painful and disturbing,
but Schroeder says she was compelled to write this
memoir.
"Something as personal, difficult and disturbing
as what Beautiful Wreck turned out to be, as a book,
was all I could write;' she explains with characteristic
honesty. "It's the truth, it all happened, it happened to
me, and I wanted to write about it. I'm a writer and I write
about people's stories all the time. And mine is a damn
good story to tell:'
Schroeder details how when she first began the book
it was "very cathartic;' but she explains-and laughs a dry,
uncomfortable laugh as she does so-that
she started
writing the book when she was with another partner, Mel,
with whom she'd become involved as a way to escape the
abuse she'd experienced with Lauren.
"Go figure. And I left out so much because I didn't see
what was happening right in front of me, and it was ongoing
and happening while I was in the process of writing it:'
Schroeder wrote the core of Beautiful Wreck in a writing
workshop. "I kind of just churned it out, so I could meet
the workshop deadline:' What was happening right in front
of her, however, was the phenomenon in which lesbians
believe what others-even
those closest to them-tell
them to believe about themselves, that we are less than who
we really are.
October 2012
I 31
When Schroeder was writing BeautifulWreck, she recalls,
"Mel called [the workshop] my 'reading group; as though
my writing wasn't a serious undertaking. Lauren also didn't
take my writing seriously. Neither of them would read
anything I wrote, even my journalism:'
As painful as that knowledge must be-that these two
women with whom she was partnered ignored her life's
work-Schroeder
is currently in a satisfyingly healthy
relationship. She's feeling good about it. And it's "not just
the sex;' she laughs. About the other women, she has
nothing but well-placed and well-deserved vitriol. "They
were horrible, abusive, cruel people;' she says, the pain in
her voice clear. "They were bitches. And you can quote me
on that:'
While it seems likely that her former girlfriends will
not read the memoir, Schroeder anticipates that telling her
story will impact the people around her. Schroeder notes
that her family has always been supportive, but that she
was afraid that her mother, with whom she has had "really
rough times;' might have trouble with it.
"What did my mother say after reading my manuscript:'
Well, she said it made her profoundly sad that I had to go
through all of that shit, and that she had contributed to
some of it:'
Schroeder's father thinks she "let him off easy:' Her sister
has been especially supportive, and "loves the book:'
As for most of the folks mentioned in her book,
Schroeder says, "No one's come out of the woodwork yet;'
adding that she has no desire to see them again and hopes
that she doesn't. Her tone is fearless.
"I don't want to have to deal with any of them. They
made my life miserable and I really don't want to have to
see them or talk with them ever again. They were horrible to me, very disturbed people, and 10 to 20 years
later, I'm over it. But I'll take them on if I have to;' she
adds, defiantly.
As Schroeder explicates the journey she's been on, it's
32
I curve
apparent how difficult, painful, but ultimately revivifying
it's been for her. The self-awareness and self-revelation
weren't easy to come by, but the learning process propelled
her into a new life-diagnosed,
treated and, most importantly, alive and well, despite three brushes with death, the
last of which she almost didn't recover from.
But Schroeder doesn't let herself off the hook either.
She explains that she was moody and irritable, angry
and rage-filled, and that she probably attracted, or was
attracted to, both of those abusive women. She also notes
that she had a lot of people to apologize to, after she was
diagnosed and on medication.
She's not worried about getting any backlash for being
honest. She feels strongly-and
her personal strength
comes through, both in talking to her and in reading her
work-that
she has to be honest, above all.
"One thing I want to say about backlash-or any other
repercussion-is that I don't give a shit. Not in a careless or
reckless way of not caring;' she clarifies. She wants people to
see her and other mentally ill people as essentially the same
as everyone else. But she is quick to add that she "doesn't
much care what other people think;' and she hopes that's
one thing people will take away from the book.
"Don't worry so much, or at all, about what people will
think:' Schroeder explains. "It's what keeps us bound in
abusive relationships-personal,
professional and political.
Worrying about what the proverbial neighbors will think
is what keeps people in their place-it paralyzes people,
keeps apathy and ignorance in the political arena alive and
makes people physically ill:'
As for Schroeder, she intends never to let that happen
to her again. Her scars remain-you don't spend time in a
locked ward, after nearly dying, and come out unscathed.
But today Schroeder is happy to be alive. And her intense,
honest, wry and raw memoir explains and explores what
it took to get where she is now-and what it will take to
keep going forward with her life. (beautifulwreck.com)■
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POLITICS
Equality
- Power
More than four decades after Stonewall, influential lesbians still struggle for recognition.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Sally Ride was only 61 when she died
of pancreatic cancer on July 23. Her
death was premature, and given her
stature as an astronaut and a scientist, it was under-reported. Women's
"firsts" are still occurring every day.
Hers were huge. Ride was the first
woman astronaut, the youngest astronaut to ever go into space, and the first
lesbian astronaut-to
date, the only
out astronaut-in
the world.
A physicist herself, Ride lived with
her scientist partner of nearly 30
years, Tam O'Shaughnessy. Most obits
neglected to mention Ride's considerable achievements, let alone her
long-time partner. (Ride has written
books with O'Shaughnessy. In fact, they
co-wrote an obituary for Ride that names
O'Shaughnessy as her partner.)
Why do women's achievements still fail
to receive the same recognition as men's? For
three decades, Ride was the most powerful
woman in the American space program.
But how many schoolchildren even knew
her namer
The day after Ride passed away, out
lesbian, Susan Lowenberg received a presidential appointment to the U.S. Holocaust
Memorial Council, the governing body of
the U.S. Holocaust Museum. Another first.
This, too, failed to make news.
Hilary Rosen, an out political lobbyist
and a media pundit, made news, however,
when she insulted Ann Romney on CNN.
Rosen said that Romney, who has raised
five children and is a philanthropist, had
"never worked a day in her life:' Romney
was gracious about Rosen's gaffe, but the
comment created a firestorm-even
the
Obamas objected publicly. Rosen was forced
to apologize, and her presence on CNN has
diminished. Rosen had already been fired
from the Huflington Post, where she was
their Washington editor at large, when she
became a consultant for British Petroleum
after the Gulf oil spill in 2010.
The loss of Rosen's visibility as a pundit
was less dramatic because few Americans
outside the Beltway, queer or straight, had
heard of her. But for those of us who had,
Rosen's series of missteps meant that
the lesbian who had signed in for White
House meetings 35 times during the Obama
administration no longer had the ear of
the president.
So, where are the lesbians with power? A
more powerful Democratic political strategist
than Rosen is Donna Brazile, Vice Chair
of Voter Registration and Participation
at the Democratic National Committee
(DNC). Brazile was an advisor for both of
Bill Clinton's presidential campaigns, ran
Al Gore's 2000 campaign for president and
has long been rumored to be a lesbian. But
like another African American politician,
former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice,
who owns a house with another woman (as
After Ellen and Mike Signorile reported as
far back as 2007), Brazile refuses to discuss
her sexual orientation (something straight
people never refuse to do). Yet despite the
rumors, and despite the fact that Brazile
has sat on several LGBT committees, she
actively opposed Garry Shay's proposal to
amend the DNC platform to "require all
state parties to establish goals and timetables
for selecting a mm1mum number
of gay and lesbian delegates in the
same way they currently allocate
certain numbers of delegate slots for
African Americans, Latinos, AsianPacific Islanders, Native Americans
and women:'
Why would a lesbian oppose
broadening a political party's demographic to include other lesbians?
In 2012, the only open lesbianfrom the Cabinet to the Congressis Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), who was
elected to the House of Representatives in 1999. She's currently running
for Senate; if she wins, she'll be the
first openly gay member of the Senate
in U.S. history.
As speaker of New York's City Council,
Christine Quinn is another power player.
An open lesbian who recently married her
longtime partner, Quinn is considered a
shoo-in to become the next mayor of New
York City. Quinn would follow Annise
Parker, who was elected in Houston in
2009, as the first out lesbian mayor of a
major American city.
Other powerful out lesbians include
Randi Weingarten, president of one of
America's largest unions, the American
Federation of Teachers; Robin McGehee,
one of the leaders of the movement to defeat
Prop. 8 and co-founder of GetEQUAL;
and Kate Kendell, executive director of the
National Center for Lesbian Rights.
The slimness of this roster of power lesbians raises questions: Can we truly be heard?
Can we hope to promote change at the
national level? How do we propel our issues
forward and create a power base for lesbians
that encompasses our local concerns as well
as our global ones?
Four decades after Stonewall, power has
yet to accrue to us. So perhaps instead of
waiting for it, we should decide to just take
it. Because power means equality. And we
deserve both. ■
October 2012
I 33
THE TRIP
Kelli Carpenter
rejoices in
her family, her
thriving business
and finding
love again.
By Merryn
Johns
We know Kelli Carpenter because of her relationship with celebrity powerhouse
Rosie O'Donnell, but there is more to the whip-smart blonde than all the star-centric
media coverage would have us believe. In the late 1990s, Carpenter was a welcome
addition to the lesbian limelight when our eyes were glued to the tabloids for news
of Ellen, k.d. and Melissa, but she has always had her own unique story. Now, for
the first time, Carpenter lets us in on what she's been doing since the 2007
separation from the woman who made her famous.
Kelli Carpenter appeared on our radar in the hey~
day oflesbian chic, a time when we looked to famous
lesbians as test cases for our own acceptance: If they
could come out on TV, get married, be invited to
the White House, have children, then perhaps we,
too, would find happiness. And if they couldn't, how
could we? As it turns out, Carpenter did find hap~
piness, then heartbreak and eventually happiness
again-much like the rest of us. Along the way, she
34
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has reconnected with her roots and learned to touch
her own life again. This self~described Ragin' Cajun
from Baton Rouge, La., is currently residing in New
York and devoting her energies to her fiancee, the
four kids she shares custody of with O'Donnell and
her business, R Family Vacations.
Back when she was a closeted college student in
the South, Carpenter learned to balance her own
truth against the expectations of others, especially
those of her religious family, who would not accept her sexu~
ality. She knew she was gay in junior high, but stayed in the
closet, and in college had a fake boyfriend, who was also gay.
"We had 'em all fooled;' she laughs wryly. "We went to every
sorority~fraternity party-then we went to the gay bars after~
wards:' Her parents were not amused and insisted that she
attend Homosexuals Anonymous meetings in exchange for
her college tuition. "I had the wherewithal to think, 'It's only
four years of my life, and once I graduate from college I'm
going to get a job, and I can just say goodbye:"
Certain of her sexuality, and that there was nothing
aberrant about it, Carpenter was dispirited by the meetings,
where she observed "an assortment of people who were sad in
their lives, but it really had nothing to do with being gay:'
Needless to say, Carpenter was relieved and happy when
she got her degree in advertising and launched her life as an
independent adult. Attracted to the energy of the advertising
world, its focus on creativity and the bottom line, Carpenter
began to succeed quickly, working with an ad agency on the
Pepsi~Cola account, then Kellogg's, which led to her being
hired as marketing director at Nickelodeon. Mostly run by
women, Nickelodeon was a creative, democratic company,
and Carpenter felt comfortable there. "There was not a day
when I didn't wake up and love going to work;' she says. In
just a few years she had moved from Texas to Chicago to
New York City, where she had always dreamed ofliving.
It was 1996, and queer culture was blossoming. Thirty
years old and single, Carpenter socialized with lesbian work
colleagues and dated. Then, in 1997, the same year Ellen
to walk into it, because it's not like you start from day one:'
At the time, lesbians having or adopting babies was a
novelty and the constant press coverage turned a tidal wave
into a tsunami. "The media was always sort of mad at Ro
for not coming out until the time she did. The sad part was
that this was the only part of our lives that felt private. We
were real trailblazers in the (lesbian parenting] arena. I mean,
Parker's 17 years old now:'
Next, O'Donnell and Carpenter adopted Blake at birth,
then Carpenter gave birth to their fourth child, Vivienne,
through artificial insemination. In this family, marriage came
after love and the baby carriage: O'Donnell and Carpenter
took their vows in San Francisco in 2004, when then~Mayor
Gavin Newsom began granting marriage licenses to same~sex
couples. "I look back and when I think about the initiating
reasons, it's not that we ever chose not to get married, it just
never really came up. And when we saw what was happening
in San Francisco, we said, 'You know what, we have children,
we should be out there, we should do it: It was a very quick
decision-and maybe the initial motivation wasn't the vows
and getting married. However, when we took the vows, it felt
very powerful and meaningful at the time. I think both of us
took those vows very seriously:'
In spite of their commitment to each other, eventually
the relationship was in trouble. Carpenter does not want to
dwell on what went wrong, because it was no different, she
believes, from the experience of any painful breakup. What
she wants to convey is how she got past the heartbreak, to
"touch" her own life again.
OF A LIFETIME
DeGeneres came out, Carpenter found herself in the orbit
of talk show host Rosie O'Donnell. O'Donnell's brother,
Daniel, set the women up on a blind date and after that it
was full speed ahead. "I ended up with two kids and a big
relationship very quickly;' says Carpenter. "It's like being
thrown into a tidal wave;' she says of her life with a celebrity.
"I was happy with the success I had created in my own little
world, before it was hit by the tidal wave;' she laughs.
"In the very beginning, it was overwhelming. Everybody
was taken into the public eye with my choices. It was a lot,
but we all survived and it found its balance:' Carpenter kept
her job at Nickelodeon for a year, which gave her a routine
that was her own, but eventually, family life began to domi~
nate and she became the first lesbian celebrity instamom.
Parker was 2 and Chelsea a newborn when Carpenter met
Rosie, and as kid~friendly as she was, the ambitious ad exec
had never even changed a diaper."! remember walking in and
somebody said to me, 'Can you just change her diaper before
we leave?' And I was like, Yeah, sure, no problem, how hard
can it be? I wanted to be a mom but it was an interesting way
"I now look at relationships completely differently. I think
that over the course of a long period of time people change. I
look at people who have been in relationships for 30, 40, 50
years. I think that they change and are still compatible.
"There was no one thing that I would put my finger on
that was the beginning of the end. I think it's a series of things
that happened-that
once it started to go, there was no real
salvation for it. The hard part was that we had children, and
there was a lot of sadness involved, much hurt and broken
promises. Truthfully, once you come out of the dark place,
there is the opportunity for change and healing. I'm happy
now, [Rosie's] happy now, the kids are really good and very
happy. You can find the ability to move forward, even though
in the moment you feel like you're never going to crawl out
of that hole:'
Gregg Kaminsky, Carpenter's business partner and friend,
offered support during that time. "When they were going
through rough times, I was certainly there for Kelli, to have
someone she could confide in. Kelli is a very strong person, so
I always knew things would eventually work out:'
October 2012
I 35
Eventually is right. "There was a lot of back-and-forth;'
reflects Carpenter. "Both sides did the most we each could to
make it work. It took a year. It was incredibly painful:'
Carpenter had become too thin, was run-down and anxious. Over the course of 12 years, she had lost her sense of
sel£ apart from her status as wife and mother. She felt unable
to focus and was on medication for depression and anxiety.
'J\t some point I just said, 'I've got to find a healthier way
to get through this; and stumbled upon a Buddhist meditation center, which completely changed my way of thinking.
Just the idea that any situation is tolerable, it's just a matter of
how you think about it- I found that so empowering. With
pain comes wisdom. I have lived a very blessed life, without
huge amounts of pain. [But] I think that having significant
bring-me-to-my-knees moments changed my life:'
What changed for Carpenter was that she regained her
sense of sel£ her regular life. "I have such amazing memories
that I wouldn't trade for anything, but who I am now-I am
very content with the normalcy of my day-to-day existence. I
think I lost touch with what drives me:'
One of the things that drives Carpenter is business, and
today R Family Vacations is her main focus. "It is just wonderful to see the community growing. When I think back on
high school, and the torment I felt about being gay and not
being able to have a family-kids today just don't feel that:'
Carpenter and Kaminsky have expanded the R Family
brand to include adults-only trips that cater to the LGBT
community, including a Broadway cruise, which offers the
ultimate vacation for theater lovers. "We have found that our
guests include a significant number of gay and lesbian travelers who are looking to travel together, and not just with
all men or all women. To date, we are the only company
providing this opportunity, and we are very excited about
its growth potential;' says Carpenter.
Kaminsky shares Carpenter's enthusiasm. "We have diversified and expanded in the past couple of years and next year
have an exciting lineup that includes trips to Vegas, France,
Mexico, Spain, the Berkshire Mountains and California:'
He is also excited for Kelli's personal life."Kelli is engaged
to a beautiful and talented woman who we have both
known for many years, because she has performed often on
the R Family trips. Kelli is very happy and peaceful, and she
continues to be a wonderful mother to her four children
and an enthusiastic business partner and incredible friend:'
So, who is that svelte redhead who's now filling Carpenter's
heart with lover It's Anne Steele, an award-winning cabaret
singer. Their future together was merely a speck on the
horizon until fate intervened on the high seas.
'J\ couple of years ago we were on a trip, and we both
happened to be single, and all of a sudden she was sitting
next to me and I was like, 'It's Anne!'" says Carpenter, her
eyes twinkling. 'J\nd we started talking and flirting and my
heart was racing and my hands were sweating and it just
sort of happened. I couldn't believe it. Even to this day, I just
look at her and think, 'It's Anne!' I can't believe it:'
Carpenter's heart might have been racing, but her head
proceeded with caution. "I didn't want [my kids] to know
that we were dating until I was sure she was somebody I
wanted to date long-term. They had been through so much
already. I waited eight months and then told them, and they
were like, fists in the air, 'Yay !' They love her. She loves them.
It's a joy I can't even express. With Anne in my life, and my
parents completely involved in our kids' lives, I feel a sense
of peace within my family that I never thought possible.
Life is really good right now:' ■
LEZZIE LIGHTNING ROUND
HOWR FAMILY
VACATIONS
BEGAN:
I took the
kids to Provincetownfor FamilyWeek,and
it was beautifulto watchthe kids looking
aroundandsaying,"Wait,thosekids have
two mommies,too!" Andfeelinga senseof
communitythat childrenwith gay parents
usuallydo not feel on a day-to-daybasis.So
we decidedto give it a shot.I thoughtthat if
my kids,who haveaccessto so muchin life,
are longingfor it, then thosefamilieswho
don't haveanysenseof community-we
couldcreatesomethingthat couldgive
themthat.
HOWIT GETSBETTER:
Thesekids are able
to meetotherfamiliesandfill up their selfesteemovertheir vacation.Theyabsorb
loveandacceptanceandcommunityeverythingthat they'vebeenlongingfor all
year.It helpsthem go backinto their world,
until nextyear.
36
I curve
LIFENOW:[Rosieand I] were meantto
havethat time together,and beautifulkids,
but we were alsonot meantto be together
for this secondhalf. [R FamilyVacations]
hasbecomelessaboutcelebrityand more
aboutcommunity.Thetrips are moreabout
peoplesearchingfor friends,andtalking
andengaging,beingpresentandenjoying
the momentthat they're in. Whena celebrity
comesout, it somehowmakesus all feel
better,but it doesn'tmeanthat we've
achievedthe thingswe're fightingfor. I
think we needto find it within ourselvesas
everydaypeopleto go out andfight for what
it is that we deserve.
MARRYING
AGAIN:Anneand I are engaged
to be marriednextsummer.I am grateful
for eachdaywe sharetogetherandfeel so
blessedto haveher in not only my life but
the kids' lives,too.
WHATSHEWANTSTOBEREMEMBERED
FOR:Forthe businessthat Greggand I
havecreated.It's new,it's uniqueand it's
importantfor the gayteensof todayto know
that creatingfamiliesis an option.Gay
familiescan alsohelpchangethe right-wing
Republicanviewpointof what the "gay lifestyle" is. Youcouldnot bring a conservative
Republicanon our ship and not havetheir
heartchanged.That'swhat I'd like to be
knownfor-rather than as somebody'sex.
That,andfor beinga goodmom.
Hey America,
We're back! Lights, camera, action.
Our London diary has been chock-a-block with designing,
shows, writing and appearances, but we alie never too busy
for our favorite readers! In this month's Power Issue we got our
model on. Watching all those America's Next Top Model shows
have really rubbed off. We normally direct our fashion shoots but
this time we were "smizing" for the lens (smiling with your eyes is
Tyra Banks' secret to a perfect photo).
Trust us to choose the hottest day to shoot in the studio! It
would have been perfect for a Naked Issue, however we took the
naked idea home for the evening. Ahem. We need no excuses.
We teamed up with another lesbian power couple, Wendy
and Jenny, to bring you a mixed bag of goodi~s. For us, being a
lesbian is powerful. Not only have we fought toJ>e who we are,
but we are women. There is nothing more powerful than that. We
are strong, influential and we have faced fear-the biggest being
brave enough to be yourself when some in society may not agree.
If that isn't tenacious what is?
Power was our focus and with dominant tailoring and the
luxury of a neutral palette we went to town with the styling.
We softened traditional tailored pieces, relaxed the overly
~
formal view of suiting and added a Lez Is More flavor to
suit all. If you're a business butch or flowing femme, we
have created a universal look for you. Classic white
shirts teamed with harem pants is a fashion-forward
look. Throw on a blazer to bring in the business or
loosen a tie to take you into the night. A play oi:i
originality with leather collars or single jewelry
pieces will stamp your mark!
So ladies, another shoot over, we promi e
we won't be gone for too long. Remember he
strength you possess through fashion. Be who
you are, it's what makes you powerful. Lez Is
More, Lez Is Power!
Until next time ...
~~t_J~
RD
Stella and Lucy
are back with hip
Brit office chic.
Photos by Alex Styles
38
I curve
Stella: shirt River Island, trousers
BangingThreads.com; Lucy: shirt Zara,
trousers BangingThreads.com
's.
Stella: shirt Zara, trousers and undies
G-Star Raw, boots River Island;
Lucy: waistcoat H&M, shirt G-Star
Raw, trousers Zara, boots All Saints
40
I curve
ook,
D&G,
estwood;
Look,
Wendy: vest and leggings All Saints;
Lucy: denim jacket Bershka, trousers
Top Shop; Stella: T-Shirt Desigual,
trousers BangingThreads.com
October 2012
I 43
Park Slope Armory Women's Shelter: Amazingly Queer Race for Economic Justice. Shelter residents and racers
dance together; Essence Revealed performs at the 1st Sex Worker Cabaret at The Slipper Room, New York City
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
1 Queers for Economic Justice Annual Picnic. 2 Author Diana Cage
shaves Cheryl B's head. Cheryl died of cancer last year and shaved
her head surrounded by people she loved. 5 Portrait of a high-end call
girl, N.Y.C. hotel. 4 Vigil for Yvonne McNeal, a woman who lived in New
Providence Women's Shelter in N.Y.C. On October 2, 2011 she was shot
by NYPD directly outside the shelter. To date, we await the Manhattan
D.A.'s findings. 5 Lauren, organizer and N.Y.C. Dyke March Marshal,
gauging the NYPD in relation to the march. 6 Toshi Reagon performing
at Brooklyn Bowl 7 A burlesque performer does a Josephine Baker
routine for Storme during her birthday party at lesbian bar Henrietta
Hudson, N.Y.C. (bcrw.barnard.edu/publications/desiring-change)
46
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z
0
0
z
g
0
~
POWEil
~LAYEIIS
Yes, it gets better, but it doesn't happen
by accident or overnight. Every day,
across the country, ambitious lesbians are
working in their chosen fields to change
the balance of power and improve the
quality of life for all of us. From Wall Street
to the White House, from the law courts
to lesbian nightclubs, meet the advisors,
advocates, attorneys and entrepreneurs
using their power to the max.
48
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/ / /POWEs:tPLAYEs:tS
HIGH STEPPEstS
Maggie Collier and DJ Brynn Taylor keep N.Y.C.'s lesbian nightlife hot. By Jillian Eugenios
Maggie Collier, the force behind Stiletto, one of the most popular girl parties in New York City, is known for
throwing events that raise the bar of what a lesbian party should look like. As the woman who helms her own
lesbian entertainment empire, it is surprising to hear Collier say that she isn't the one in power at all. Instead,
she says, the power is in her clientele. "I feel most powerful when I feel like everybody's happy. It's all how you
measure that word and whatever that means to you. For me, it's about bringing people what they want:'
Power partiers:
DJ Brynn Taylor
(left) and
Maggie Collier
/ / /DOWEEt DLAYEEtS
Collier says that it's easy to make assumptions about how
much power she holds. "There are a lot of promoters who execute
big events from an ego standpoint;' she says. "Everybody has a
different agenda ... ! want women to have something that takes
them away from whatever we face in life:'
Stiletto is known for bringing a diverse crowd, and Collier has
always pushed to reach a wide demographic. Stiletto's Sunday
parties start in the afternoon so women can choose what kind of
party they want: laid-back weekend cocktailing, late-night dance
party or both. ''All of those components lend themselves to play
nice in the sandbox, if you will, which is really wonderful, and is
something that I want more of. It's for everybody: butch, femme,
old, young and everything in between. I think it's an important
thing that we all have a place and we all support each other:'
Collier credits the DJ with providing an ever-evolving set
tailored to the changing needs of the audience, which is what she
found in Los Angeles-based Brynn Taylor, who has been part of
the Stiletto family almost since the beginning.
"The wonderful thing about Stiletto is that because they're
so inclusive of everyone I have more options when I DJ. I can
experiment a little bit;' Taylor says. "It's exciting for me because I
don't have to stick within one genre:'
Taylor, a frequent DJ at The Abbey, consistently voted the
best gay bar in the country, brings a philosophy to the decks that
was born when she first started
spinning in her hometown of
"I FEEL MOST
Lincoln, Neb., at the Q a gay
bar that still exists. "I remember
POWEstFUL
going into the Q and saying OK,
WHENI
I know I'm supposed to play
music for gay boys, whatever
FEEL Lll(E
that means:' But instead of
EVEstYBODY'S
playing house music and female
HAPPY ...
vocals for the boys and hip hop
or reggaeton for the girls, she
FOst ME,
mixed it up, discovering a style
IT'S ABOUT
of spinning that has continued to
this day.
BstlNGING
Though Stiletto is by all stanPEOPLE
dards successful, event management wasn't something Collier
WHAT THEY
had planned on doing. A profesWANT."
sional singer, she lived in New
York in the late-'90s and early2000s, at a time, she said, when New York had more variety
in lesbian nightlife. A move to L.A. for six years introduced
her to the West Coast scene, which had an aesthetic she
was not used to. "There were beautiful venues for the lesbian
parties and that was something I had not seen in New
York;' Collier says.
Once Collier moved back to New York she noticed a void
in the party choices for lesbians."! like going to a chill bar and
drinking $2 PBR and shooting pool. I'm a Southern girl like
that. But then I'll put on my heels. A lot of my friends and
people I knew wished there was something a little bit more
for the professional woman or a higher-end environment:'
She took up the cause in 2007. "I was as green as they
could possibly come;' she says. Still, she jumped right in,
booking a venue, setting a date and inviting people she knew.
"They were really supportive;' she says. ''And showed up:'
They did more than show up. New Yorkers have partied
at Collier's events for the last several years, garnering Stiletto
Go magazine's Reader's Choice Nightlife Awards in 2012.
Collier hadn't expected to win."I was totally surprised and
humbled and excited;' she says. "You see something in your
own vision and you think that maybe it's just me, and then
you see there's an abundance of people who see the same
thing and that's all really exciting and definitely a surprise:'
Collier and Taylor are committed to making the experience
of their parties more than just hanging around a bar. While
Collier focuses on pleasing the masses as they mingle, Taylor
takes up the duty of providing the soundtrack. According to
Taylor, real power is in "surrendering to the unknown and
being open and accepting, which is what we're trying to
accomplish in the first place. Music is such a wonderful
format to be able to do that:' (maggiecevents.com) ■
<f)
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0
t5
:::J
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0
a:
0..
<f)
:::i
+
~
SlED, WHITE,
BLUE AND GSlEEN
Lesbian politico Nancy Sutley is greening
the White House, and the nation, from within.
Fordecades,NancySutley
hasbeenspendinghertime
on contentiousissuesat the
intersectionof scienceand
publicpolicy.But lookwhere
it hasgottenher.At age50,
the out lesbianis currently
a rankingmemberof the
serving
Obamaadministration,
as chairof the Councilon
Quality.Thanks
Environmental
to her sterlingcredentials,
Sutleywas unanimously
confirmedandseatedjust
two daysafterthe president's
inauguration.Herexperience
with issuesof environmental
sustainability,preservation
and restorationrunsdeep.
"I was deputymayorfor
in
Energyand Environment
LosAngeles,I workedin the
Protection
Environmental
Agencyduringthe Clinton
andwas
administration,
to be part of the
approached
Obamatransitionteam-to
preparefor ultimatelywho
getsappointed.Onedaywhen
I was doingthat, I was asked
whetherI wouldbe interested
in pursuingan appointmentin
the administration."
All federalgovernment
appointeeshavea "tough
job," Sutleysays,but staying focusedin this election
year'scacophonymakes
the job just that much
tougher.But,evenwith all
the election-yearpoliticking-for instance,the right
wing's refusalto admitthe
realityand impactof climate
change-she is committedto
puttingscienceat the heart
of politicaldecision-making.
Shesays,"The impactsthat
our activitieshaveon our
environmentand our natural
world are thingsthat we can
observe.Thescienceis about
how we take thoseobserved
activitiesand usethem as
the foundationfor how we
addressenvironmentalconcernsthroughpublicpolicy.
Andfor the solutionsto be
effective,we haveto know
what's really happening.
That'sthe simplebottomline
aboutscienceand science's
role in publicpolicy."
Currently,Sutleyis enthusiasticaboutrestorationand
preservationprojectsin the
GreatLakes,the Chesapeake
Bayandthe Everglades.
"Theyare an importantpart
of our naturalheritageand
of our economyand notjust
of thoseregions,but of our
nation.Thehealthof those
kindsof resourcesand what
we expectthemto deliver,
whetherit's drinkingwater
[20 percentof the entire
planet'sdrinkingwater
comesfrom the GreatLakes]
or just havingthosenatural
resourcesin goodshape,is
important.Andthere are a lot
of thingsthe federalgovernment hasresponsibilityover
when it comesto managing
and restoringthosenatural
resources.A lot of responsibility alsofalls to the states
and communitiesaround
thoseecosystems.Weare
trying to figure out howthe
federalgovernmentcan be
a betterpartnerwith those
localentities,workingto
preservethem."
Commentingon how
naturalresourcesimpactour
materialwell-being,Sutley
saysshe believes"there is a
clear link betweena healthy
environmentand a productive economy."It's a link she
wishesto strengthen.
An advocatefor, and an
exampleof, the American
Dream,Sutleyis the daughter
of Argentinianimmigrants
who,shesays,cameto the
UnitedStates"without a lot."
the Cornell
Nevertheless,
graduatewith a master's
degreefrom Harvardobserves
that she has had her own
struggles,especiallywhen
it cameto balancingher
sexualitywith her dreamsof
success.
"WhenI was a young
womanand dealingwith the
issueof my sexuality,I didn't
understandhowthe parts
of my life wouldfit together,
becauseI didn't see [role
modelsof successfulgay
people].So,if there's some
kid somewherewho wantsto
seehowthe piecesof their
livesfit together,andthey
see me andfigure it out, that
wouldbe awesome-it would
be kind of an amazingthing.
I've spokenat conferences
havingnothingto do with
LGBTissuesand peoplecome
up afterwardto thank me for
beingthere,and it's really
thoseopportunitiesto touch
someone'slife like that are
a pretty specialpart of this
Schroeder]
job." [Stephanie
October 2012
I 51
/ / /POWEst PLAYEstS
LAW
OF THE
LAND
A constellation of powerful lesbian
attorneys in the San Francisco Bay
Area shows how times have changed.
By Adam L. Brinklow
Therese Stewart (from left), Sally Elkington, Chelsea HaleyNelson and her wife, and Kelly Dermody
Last January, very quietly and without any fuss, something
remarkable happened: The Bar Association of San Francisco
appointed Kelly Dermody, an out lesbian, as its president, while
on the other side of the bay the Alameda County Bar Association
installed another lesbian, Sally Elkington, to the same post. Little
ado was made of it because having prominent, powerful, out
women as movers and shakers in Bay Area law is the norm these
days, but the coincidental alignment of these two appointments
represents an extraordinary sea change in societal and corporate
values; just a few decades ago, neither woman was entirely sure
how her sexuality would affect her career.
When Elkington got her law degree, just before her 40th birth~
day, there weren't very many women lawyers, let alone gay women
lawyers. "I came out in the late '70s, when there was no real gay
revolution;' she says."When I was in the corporate world, it wasn't
an option for me to be out. I would have lost my job in a nano~
second:' Elkington relates horror stories about how the police
would cruise by gay and lesbian bars to copy down license plate
numbers and then inform on people to their bosses, and she says
that in those days she couldn't imagine being a prominent figure
in the community and being out.
Her counterpart across the bay came out a decade later, but even
as recently as the late '80s it was a different world, says Dermody.
"I did not know any gay people before coming out;' she says. "I
was a sophomore in college and I was afraid of being disowned:'
52
I curve
Dermody's fear of persecution was with her for most of her lifewhen she was growing up, the constant bullying of her peers was
her first indication that she might be different. She carried that
fear of being found out into college and her career, convinced that
she could never have a real life if she came out.
But fear of persecution-from
peers, from employers, from
law enforcement-can
motivate as well as inhibit. "I realized how
important it was for me to be out;' says Elkington, who, after
leaving her corporate job, began to appreciate that she could serve
as an example. Dermody's life changed after she interned on Ted
Kennedy's Senate Judiciary Committee in '87 and for the first time
worked alongside openly gay professionals and saw gay~rights
activism in action. She went into law so that she could litigate
for people who had been disenfranchised, people like her. Their
respective bar association presidencies (one~year appointments)
are a high~water mark that neither woman thought was possible.
Therese Stewart also remembers a time when being gay
meant being almost invisible. "In those days, you just didn't see
gay people;' she says of the early '80s in San Francisco. "Well, a
few gay men;' she corrects herself. "We lived in San Francisco, so
one of them lived next door to us. But women - I had very little
exposure:' In 2002, Stewart became San Francisco's deputy city
attorney, a position she could never have imagined achieving back
in the days when she didn't know even one openly gay woman.
Stewart didn't go into the law to pursue civil~rights litigation
(she wanted to be an environmental lawyer),
but a cause ended up finding her: In 2004, San
Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom abruptly began
issuing marriage licenses to gay couples. Stewart,
who was as elated as anyone until she stopped to
think about it, was handed the seemingly impos~
sible task of litigating for the basic right of gay
couples to marry, a cause she believed in but was
not entirely sure she could carry in court. "I was
like, 'How in the fuck am I going to defend this:"
I was convinced we were right, but that's not the
same as being convinced that we were going to
win;' she recalls.
The marriage licenses from '04 were declared
null, but they opened the door for Stewart to
successfully argue the case for gay marriage to
the state court in 2008. Then, in 2010, her team
carried the day, striking down Prop. 8, the anti~
gay marriage amendment whose ultimate fate is
still tangled up in the higher courts. It was a string
of miracles, just the way Stewart's entire career
seems miraculous by the standards of 30 years
ago. How is it possible:' "San Francisco is really
a very small city, but we think big;' says Stewart.
"When we do something, it reverberates:' She
pauses for a second, seemingly at a loss. "I can't
for the life of me figure out how it started:'
All the attorneys who weighed in on the
issue agree that the Bay Area is unique when it
comes to the law. Along with matching County
Bar Association presidents and superhero City
Attorney's Offices, the region is also home
to Bay Area Lawyers for Individual Freedom
(BALIF), the nation's oldest and largest LGBT
bar association. It was founded in 1980. "The
rest of the country looks to the Bay Area for
what's to come;' says BALIF Co~chair Chelsea
HaleyNelson. There are bigger cities, with more
powerful interests, HaleyNelson says, but the
Bay Area casts a long shadow because it has a
unique set of tools: lots of activists, lots of big~
thinking politicians and a huge pool of lawyers
and legal experts. It's a perfect storm, and the
winds blow coast to coast.
When each of these women came out, they
did it with some measure of uncertainty about
what kind oflife they'd be allowed to have. Now,
not only are they prominent, powerful and sue~
cessful, they're also out and proud. Most of them
are even married. (Elkington is divorced: "I fig~
ured I should run the whole gamut;' she says.)
It's more than they could ever have hoped for,
and it's theirs because they built it, case by case,
in the Bay Area. ■
SHE MEANS BUSINESS
FromPerth,in WesternAustralia,to WallStreet,in NewYorkCity,Jacqueline
Bennettis workingto climbto the top of the entrepreneurial
ladder,keepingher
conscience
(aswell as herwits)aboutherandstandingupfor women'srights
in the workplace.Currentlystudyingat N.Y.U.'s
SternSchoolof Businessin the
MBACandidate
Classof 2013,Bennettis focusingonfinanceandentrepreneurship,andspentlastsummerinterningat CreditSuissein N.Y.C.
Whatinitiallydrewyouto finance?
Afterhighschool,I tooka yearabroadandwentto England.
At thetime,I was
contemplating
variousprofessions-physiotherapy,
law andstand-upcomedy,
amongstotherthings.Thatwasduringthe dot-comboom.I got excitedto see
kidscomingupwith businessideas,andseeinghowtheycouldaddvalueto
commerceandhavefun with their ownideas.I startedfollowingtheseideas
in the marketandthat leadmeto understandthat I wantedto be involvedin
businessandfinance.
Is the workplaceinherentlybiasedtowardmen?
I thinkof myselfas a personbeforea gender,whichhasbeenan advantage,
but I havenoticeda lackof willingnessin myfemalecolleagues
to speakup
aboutwhattheywant,in contrastto their malecounterparts.
I havealways
encouraged
women,eventhoseseniorto me,to go andaskfor whattheywant.
You'reworkingon a modelto betterintegratewomenintothe workforce.
I thinkgivingwomena forumto bondtogetherandto sharetheir own
experiences
andfeelingsaboutthesegenderissuesin the workplaceis very
valuable.Thisis whatmy modelis basedon.I wantto helpto unravelwhat
it is that is (a)impactingthe abilityof womento supportoneanother,and(b)
allowingwomento be underrepresented
in the corporateworld.It's certainly
notthrougha lackof talent.Weneedto makea massivechange.Thereis such
untappedstrengthin the communityof women.
Manytop corporatelesbiansare still in the closet.Do you believethey
shouldcomeoutsothatthereis changeacrossthe board?
OnereasonI thinkchangeis necessaryis that relationships
arerestrictedwhen
youareholdingbacka majorpartof yourlife.If youcan't befreeandfluid in the
workplace,it's harderto developrelationships.
Thestrengthin theserelationshipsenablesyouto bondand
to workbettertogether.
So beingoutwon'tlimit your
career?
It's who I am! I don't necessarily needthe world to know
who I am intimatewith, but
I will alwaysbe proudof the
partnershipthat I am in and
the familythat I have.I don't
think I wouldbe representing
myselfcompletelyif I didn't
sharethat aboutmy life.
Ultimately,I just wantto be
responsible,as a womanand
a lesbian,and ensurethat the
currentinequalitiescontinueto
diminish.[JessMcAvoy]
October 2012
I 53
///POWESl PLAYESlS
STSlEAM QUEEN
Shirin Papillon founded a one-stop website for on-demand lesbian content. By Kim Hoffman
If you've ever searched using the word 'lesbian' online, you know
what kind of websites crop up. Such was the experience of Shirin
Papillon who, in 2008, was in the process of researching a potential "lesbian Mad Men" TV series she was developing for Channel
4 or the BBC in the U.K. Upon innocently searching for 'lesbian
TV' on sites like YouTube, she was surprised to find a serious
lack of content that wasn't pornographic. ''At the time, I thought
to myself that there should really be a site, a network of sorts,
where one could find quality lesbian video content:'
A producer, activist, entrepreneur and tech geek at heart, this
power lez leaped at the chance to create the site she envisioned-a
proverbial Internet lesbian homestead that could house myriad
content, and OneMoreLesbian.com was born. "It a was reclaiming of the name 'lesbian' from all the porn sites that continue to
exploit it;' says Papillon. "The 'One More' is every woman who
lands on the site and sees themselves represented. One by one we
become a global community:'
One More Lesbian, better known as OML is a one-stop
destination for lesbian films, TV shows, web series, animations,
music videos, PS As, ads and fan videos. And it will certainly hook
you. OML provides a higher level of visibility and accessibility
to and from the lesbian community, on a global level. The
principle behind OML is not only progressive, but aflirmative.
"How powerful is it for a woman in Morocco, say, to see herself
represented fully and accurately halfway across the world?" says
Papillon. "There's huge power and aflirmation in that:'
It's because of that global platform that some of the bestaggregated content reaches OML, all of which leads the pack in
the totality of the site. According to Papillon, the creme de la creme
of their sapphic content comes
first from Germany, Spain and
Mexico, followed then by the
U.S. and U.K. "Goes to show
you how behind we are in the
United States when it comes to
lesbian programming;' notes
Papillon. "Over the last couple
of years we've moved from
being a database of sorts for
lesbian videos, to a showcase
for lesbian video. We of course
still have a huge library of
videos, but we now work ahead
of the curve to make sure we
feature the latest and greatest:'
OML not only functions
under a dedicated team of curators who manage, organize and keep current on maintaining that
vast library the site holds, but also relies heavily on its user
submissions. And if you're curious about what time of year
OML is chock-full of fresh lesbian content, Papillon
says their busiest submission stream is in the fall, and
slower in the summer. Those familiar with Netflix and
Hulu or Hulu+ will fall weak at the knees for OML+,
the premium content section, which features an even
wider selection of lesbian shorts and feature films for
purchase on demand, watchable for up to 8 views in a
48-hour period.
If it weren't for Papillon, we may still be flailing around
in the deep end of the Internet for fan videos for The Real
L Word, a meaningful PSA you can watch with your
kids, or the exclusive previews of Farewell, My Queen. "I
strongly believe that we're going to see a big paradigm
shift in the way films are being distributed in the near
future and hopefully we'll continue to build a site, a company, and a brand that artists, actors, filmmakers and
such will trust and continue to seek;' says the OML
leader. Papillon stands out as one spirited trailblazer in
the LGBT community, powering the mill of progression, online and all around the world, for our viewing
Shirin Papillon
pleasure. (onemorelesbian.com) ■
54
I curve
IT WAS A
~ECLAIMING
OF THE NAME
"LESBIAN"
F~OMALL
THE PO~N
SITES THAT
CONTINUE
TO EXPLOIT IT.
_J
w
~
~
<(
I
5
u
(/)
Suze
Orman
wants
you
tohave
financial
power.
Andwewantwhatshewants.
BySarah
Toce
andRachel
Shatto
__
56 I curve
POWERFUL is a word that immediately comes to mind when
describing Suze Orman. Charismatic an passionate, Orman has a
rare gift for dealing out sound financial a vice and tough love in equal
measure, and she does so with aplomb every Saturday night on CNBC
on her higt1Iyrated series The Suze Ofi an Show.
_.-,1:woughouther exceptional career, rman has been a vocal advocate
for women's financial independence and her matter-of-fact attitude
toward her sexuality has not only deared her to her lesbian fanbase,
but has made immeasurable st tcies toward the acceptance of out
lesbians in the financial worl In general.
As the host of a hit sh , the author of 10 consecutive best-sellers,
recipient of myriad
ards, Orman is even married to her soulmate,
Kathy "KT" a-vis(the two wed in South Africa), she really does seem
D have it all. Not content to keep her success all to herself, however,
she continues to advocate for those who are facing financial challenges,
both with her advice and now with her latest passion project, The
Approved Card, which is proving to be an essential tool for those
struggling to find their financial footing.
More than just a financial guru "of the people" or lesbian icon, the
Ober-chic and expertly coiffed economic powerhouse-who was
catapulted into the national spotlight as a frequent guest on The
Oprah Winfrey Show-is also the American dream personified. The
self-made dynamo came from humble beginnings but through hard
work, perseverance and no small amount of chutzpah has successfully
fashioned herself into a shining example of American exceptionalism.
ORMAN
grew up on the South Side of Chicago where
she went on to graduate from the University of Illinois with
a B.A. in social work. Following graduation, she set out with
friends to explore America, ultimately settling in Berkeley,
Cali£ where she took work as a waitress at the Buttercup
Bakery. While the job only paid $400 a week, her charisma
and winning personality, along with her renowned work
ethic, were already helping to elevate her career. It impressed
a group of her customers so much that they decided to join
together and gift her with $50,000, which she promptly
invested with Merrill Lynch. However, despite her desire
for the money to be invested conservatively, her broker
opted for high~risk investments that drained her account
completely in just three short months.
For some, this initial and swift loss would have been a
devastating blow, but for Orman it was the impetus for her
transition into the financial industry, as she quickly became
determined to learn all of its ins~and~outs.
Her self~taught skills led to Orman landing a job as a
broker at Merrill Lynch, which proved to be the first step in
her meteoric rise to success. Since then, she has gone on to
have 10 best~selling books-the latest of which, The Money
Class: Learn to Create Your New American Dream, was
released in 2010-seven
PBS specials, an unprecedented
seven Gracie Awards (recognizing the nation's best radio,
television and cable programming for, by and about women)
and a Visionary Award from the Council for Economic
Education. Also, in 2009, Orman was presented with an
honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree from her alma
mater, the University of Illinois.
She's been called one of The World's 100 Most Powerful
Women by Forbes, twice named one of The World's Most
Influential People by Time Magazine and one of the top 10
motivational speakers in the world by Business Week-the
only woman to receive that honor in 2007. She is the single
largest fund~raiser in the history of public television and
has received two Emmys for her PBS specials. Suze is host
of her television program The Suze Orman Show on CNBC,
now in its 12th year the show remains one of the highest~
rated personal finance programs on the air today.
Still, despite having dispensed valuable personal finance
advice on the air for years, it seems that Orman is still
sometimes misunderstood by her audience. Case in point:
her "Suze Smackdowns;' in which she delivers sometimes
harsh truths and offers passionate commentaries on topics
ss I curve
ranging beyond finance. "I think that there's a mispercep~
tion that I'm harder and angrier than I really am;' she says.
"People identify me by the Suze Smackdown, but what they
don't see behind the scenes is everything that goes on after
a Smackdown has occurred. What they don't see is that I'm
still in touch with people who were on The Oprah Winfrey
Show in 1998-and
I still am in touch with some of those
people to this day, still helping them;' Orman says.
Orman's exceptionally self~assured presence on air isn't
something that's rehearsed. 'Tm not a pre~scripted talent.
I'm not teleprompted;' she says. "Everything that you see
is essentially happening at the moment that it's happening.
Even with the seven PBS specials I've done now, especially
after the first one, when PBS realized how I worked. They
all are me, just walking onto the stage and letting it go. The
same is true when I give a talk. I have no idea what I'm
going to say, whether it's to 5,000 people, 50,000 people or
150,000 people.
"You'll never see me with a teleprompter, cards in my
hand or a script or anything-unless
of course I'm doing
a scripted role in a movie, or something like that. So what
you see is real. I'm exactly in real life like I am on television.
There is not a big difference at all, except I do have a softer
side that isn't shown very much on television:'
When conversing with on~air guests, Orman advocates
for hard work-and she takes her own advice very seriously.
"I show up at 7 a.m. We tape from 8 a.m. until 1 p.m. We do
two shows-sometimes
three-in one day. I'm hearing the
questions for the very first time when you are:'
However, there are occasions when she does require
some information about her callers ahead of time, in order
to make the most informed financial case for them. "I do
know everything about the 'Can I Afford It?' callers, because
there's no way I can make a decision that quickly, by just
seeing a few financial facts about them. And usually I know
the ins~and~outs of our guest that you're going to physically
see on air. But when it comes to those who call into the
show, I have no idea as to what they're going to say, or ask.
So really, the producers pretty much put it all together, edit
it and they have the say:'
Off the air, Orman's financial expertise and a true desire
to help people achieve financial independence have led her
to take her advice around the world. She has even become in
demand as a financial advisor to governments of developing
nations and multinational corporations. "I am intrigued by
the hard~working ethics in Asia and I am making a personal
commitment to help the Philippines to become an emerging
nation of savers:'
Closer to home is a project near and dear to her heart:
The Approved Card. Orman created the prepaid credit card
designed to help consumers build credit, repair credit and
find peace of mind in the process. "If someone were to ask
me, 'What is the most important thing you have ever done?;
I would tell them, 'The Approved Card;" she says.
Her voice fueled with passion, Orman continues: ''As you
and I speak right now, one out of two people in the United
States of America are in poverty or on the brink of poverty,
and one out of seven are on food stamps. You currently
have 70 million people who are underbanked or unbanked,
meaning they don't use the banking system, and if they do,
they hardly use it at all. These are people who, most likely
by no fault of their own, do not trust the banks. They don't
want to have anything to do with the banks. And therefore,
the only way for them to transact business is either through
a checking account-but
that's then with the bank, so they
stay away from that-or is usually with a prepaid card, or a
money order from the post office, or a payday loan:'
The exorbitant fees mounted on prepaid cards do little
to correct the larger issue at hand, Orman explains. "It is
a travesty that in the majority of the cases out there, if you
look at the fees that these people are paying for prepaid
cards, they are, on average, with one of the most popular
out there, $35 to $50 a month, and that is just to have the
card. Today, if you have bounced two or three checks, you
go into what's called the check system. If you're in the check
system, you cannot open up a checking account at a bank or
a credit union. Therefore, these people have been thrown
out of the system, most likely through no fault of their
own. That's number one. Number two is that today, as it
stands, if you simply pay in cash or on a debit card of any
kind-whether
it be a prepaid card or a straight debit
card from a bank or a credit union-none
of
that activity is reported on a credit bureau
report. Therefore, it is not calculated in
your FICO or a credit score:'
FICO scores and credit scores
are two topics that Orman relishes
discussing on her show. "If you do
not have a credit score or a FICO
score, good luck having a landlord
rent to you. Good luck being able
to buy a car at an interest rate that is
anything other than exorbitant. Good
luck being able to even get a job today,
because many of your jobs are based on credit
report information, and if you don't have any credit,
you don't usually have a credit report. And if you do
happen to get a car, your car insurance premiums
will be a lot higher, as will all your insurance, if you
have either a low credit score or no credit score
at all.
"There is something radically wrong with this
system that rewards people with a high FICO
score simply because they pay their credit cards
on time, even though they're paying the minimum
payment due on a 30 percent interest card. You're
paying the minimum payment due, and they're
charging you 30 percent:' Doesn't that say something
to you:' That something is radically wrong:' Also,
FICO, as a current credit scoring system, has absolutely
no idea where these people are getting their money to
pay the minimum payment due on their credit card. Is it
through a payday loan:' Is it through a 401(k) plan:' Is it
through a cash advance on another credit card:"'
Orman is seeking to change that. "My true goal in ere~
ating The Approved Card was to one day hopefully have
that card be the impetus for TransUnion and the other
credit reporting bureaus to report the information that's
on prepaid cards, so that it will create a credit score for
everybody:'
Nothing stops Orman from speaking out, especially
about the importance of financial security for our commu~
nity. How important is it for LGBT couples to have their
affairs in order:' "Oh my God, more important than you
have any idea;' she says. "Probably even more so than legally
married couples, who in most cases have the law to protect
them. And what I mean by that is that if you happen to be
married-you're
a heterosexual and you're married-the
law states where your assets are to go, if you don't have a
will. It says that your spouse will get 50 percent and your
children will get 50 percent. That's essentially what it says,
or some percent thereof, depending on your state.
"If you're not legally married, under the federal guidelines
you have to be very careful, because let's say you die-you
have been living with your partner now for the past 20
years, and you die. Half of your money goes to your parents,
half of your money goes to your brothers and sisters,
if you don't have any children. Zero goes to
your partner. So you seriously need a will.
You seriously need a living revocable
trust. You need an advance directive
and durable power of attorney for
health care. Your lover is not going to
" What
I lovemostabout
mylife nowis thatI
amnolongerlooking
foranything.
I amno
longerwanting
for
anything.
I amhappy
witheveryaspectof my
lifebothpersonally
and
professionally."
have the right, in many cases, to be able
to make decisions for you and decide what
should happen to you, health,wise, if you don't
have these things in place. So it's more important for
gay couples, for gay people, than for any other people out
there, bar none:'
Orman uses her clout to give away information whenever
she can. "When somebody calls in to ask about a will and
a trust, I'm not using my show to sell you something. So
it's very difficult for me to say, 'All right, go to suzeorman.
com, click on Must Have Documents, and buy them there:
Normally, when [we get those calls], we put in a passcode
and we say,'The pass code is CNBC; or whatever it may be,
and all the people can download them for free:'
She is also a vocal champion for the repeal of the federal
Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). "When you respect
people and put people first, then money does follow. And
the way that the laws now are set up for gay couples is
absolutely atrocious, like we're back in the 15th century. So,
absolutely, marriage equality needs to happen. [Speaking
out in support of same,sex marriage] was a fabulous move
by President Obama:'
Orman elaborated on her support for the president in
a recent behind,the,scenes
video for The View, saying,
"President Obama made one of the greatest announce,
ments-of
at least my life-saying he is for gay marriage.
It's a big deal. Listen everybody, this isn't just a financial
issue, it's an emotional issue as well. Gay people don't dis,
rupt the institution of marriage-we just simply want to
join in it. There's something about love, there's something
about security, there's something about saying, 'Please can
I marry your' We want to be a part of it and now [with the
president as our ally] we have a real chance to make [marriage
equality] a reality:'
While Orman's passion for marriage equality has a
financial aspect-as
she will happily list off the financial
inequities same,sex couples face without the full protection
marriage provides-it's also rooted in the fact that she has
found her soulmate, KT. In a candid and poignant inter,
view with dating website eHarmony she confesses, "What
60
I curve
I love most about my life now is that I am no longer look,
ing for anything. I am no longer wanting for anything. I
am happy with every aspect of my life both personally and
professionally.
''As far as my relationship goes, I never thought that I
would find the love of my life. Sure I was in relationships
before but we both were never totally happy;' she says.
"Sure some of them were great people, but we were not
great together. And then I found KT. I was not even look,
ing, nor was she. I think we both had just settled at that
time in our lives. And poof ... we met. From the night we
met at her house for dinner, my life has never been the
same. I have perfect harmony with KT and there is not a
day that goes by that I do not thank God for giving me the
perfect relationship:'
But proving that for Orman all things-even romanceeventually circle back to financial security, she later adds, "I
have probably talked to more couples about money than
almost anyone out there. I can tell you without a shadow of
a doubt that money affects a relationship more than any,
thing else. 'M' just does not stand for marriage, it also stands
for money. If you cannot be on the same page about money,
you will eventually not be together at all:'
At the end of the day, perhaps Orman's greatest lesson
is really about togetherness, in both our personal lives
and in our community, because finance touches every part
of life, from the efficacy of our romantic relationships to
the strength of our community as a force for change. She
believes that to be a strong community, we must be a fiscally
secure one as well. But in order to achieve this, we need to
support strong and healthy financial habits in ourselves and
with one another. In doing so, we can become a community
that is able stand on its own.
This is an idea Orman has championed from the very
start: "If you look back all the way to my first book, you
will see that I have been gay friendly in every single one of
those books;' she says. ''And I've been inclusive rather than
exclusive:' No doubt, with the powerful and passionate
Orman whipping us into shape, we are well on our way to
being as secure as we should be. (suzeorman.com) ■
Brandi Carlile I Joan As Police Woman
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he beating heart at the center of
up sophisticated local fare and an unbelievable
BRAZIL'S
caipirinha, the national cocktail of Brazil. Here,
Brazil's economy is also one of
BOOMING
they make it with passionfruit. Be sure to try a
the Southern Hemisphere's most
METROPOLIS
side dish off arinha, made from toasted manioc
exciting destinations for lesbian
WEARS A
flour, which adds texture to any dish. Seasoned
and gay travelers. As a testament
with butter and spices, f arinha becomes f arofato its popularity, Sao Paulo hosts the world's largest
CROWN OF
and when done right, it becomes almost more
Pride celebration, welcoming 4 million revelers
UNSTOPPABLE
delectable than anything else on the plate.
every June.
CHARISMA.
But Sao Paulo offers a world of dining choices.
Home to 11 million residents, Sao Paulo is the
By Kelsy Chauvin
world's seventh-largest city-and
due to the sheer
Because the city has the largest Japanese popusize of this teeming metropolis, the list of things to do
lation outside of Japan, sushi and noodles are
especially good here, and Sushi Lika (near the
and see is both dazzling and daunting. Fortunately,
Liberdade metro stop) and Temakeria (temakeriaecia.com.br) are
the city is made manageable by a stellar subway system and a
appetizing options. The modest, gay-owned, Mexican-Brazilianseemingly endless stream of passionate Paulistanos, always ready
African restaurant Oba ( obarestaurante.com.br)
is cozy and
to show a visitor a fabulous time.
delicious, especially the rice with jambu, a green spice whose taste
Sao Paulo rivals its famously glam neighbor, Rio de Janeiro, in
is mildly electric. Lunches will go easy on your wallet at any of the
culture, architecture and culinary traditions-not
to mention its
open-air botecos-just ask around and a helpful Paulistano will no
greater GLS contingent (gays, lesbians and sympathizers).
In this vibrant city, the power-lunch crowd is not short on
doubt show you the best ones.
outrageously delicious choices, and local flavors outdo anything
When you're ready to splurge, don't miss Figueira Rubaiyat
served up in other major cities. The Bar da Dona Ons:a restaurant
(rubaiyat.com.br), where you can try the city's best steak, along
(bardadonaonca.com.br), owned by local celebrity chef Janaina
with many other unbelievable dishes (try the fire-roasted hearts of
Rueda, brings dishes to the table that are even better than mama
palm) while you sit under an enormous, century-old fig tree.
used to make-many
of which showcase lots of succulent meat.
Let's face it-finding great food will probably be the easiest part
Try the minced beef stewed with okra (in Portuguese, carne of your visit to Sampa. But there is much more to experience in
moida com quiabo), served with collards (couve) and topped with
this sprawling metropolis. Head to the gay strip, Rua Frei Caneca,
a fried egg, or the traditional braised leg of suckling pig (stinco to shop, people-watch and kick back with cool caipirinhasor beer
from Colorado, a local microbrewery.
de leitoa caipira). Both dishes will send your digestive system into
carnivorous overdrive.
Lesbian-owned bars and parties (where men may be restricted)
At the gorgeous Dalva e Dito (dalvaedito.com.br), drop by on
are gloriously abundant and extremely sexy here. Two of the best
a weekday for the "executive lunch;' a tasting menu that serves
are the monthly party Cafe para Elas and the biweekly Affair para
62
I curve
fQ_
<(
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:':i
ui
0
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The city by night (Clockwise);
Abundant South American
produce; Local lesbians at
Pride; Mega-metropolis by day
sz
z
a:
0
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0
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Meninas, both at Sonique (soniquebar.com.br), a hot bar in the
Caneca gayborhood. Valentina is a nomadic party (facebook.com/
festa.valentina.7) that summons a slightly older crowd and a lot
less Lady Gaga. Vermont ltaim (vermontitaim.com.br) and Farol
Madalena (farolmadalena.com.br) are the friendly go~to lez clubs,
both with live samba music and dancing most nights.
Check out Time Out SaoPauloand the listings at Dykerama.com.
br for what's happening during your visit. And drop by the central
tourist info center at Mario Covas Park on Avenida Paulista to pick
up helpful gay~friendly maps and other tips.
Av. Paulista is Sao Paulo's main drag, and this wide boulevard
shuts down every year for the city's rollicking Pride parade, as well
as its Carnival, and many a soccer~victory celebration. Paulista is
also the dividing line between upper~ and lower~class Sao Paulo,
and along it you'll find the enormous bookstore and cafe Livraria
Cultura (livrariacultura.com.br), which provides a quiet respite
from the buzzing streets around it. For a taste of art, duck into
the eye~catching Museu de Arte de Sao Paulo (masp.art.br, free
entry every Tuesday). Its four huge red beams suspend the struc~
ture above ground level, so the viewer's sight line into downtown
is unimpeded.
Shopping is, of course, both international and local in this
bustling city. Stroll lower Rua Augusta, Alameda Lorena and Rua
Oscar Freire to browse big~name and no~name shops, and pick up a
pair of Brazilian Havaianas flip~flops at its flagship store, or sample
innovative fragrances and skincare products at the new Natura
cosmetics store.
It's true, Sao Paulo is enormous and dynamic and, yes, its traffic
can be woefully thick. But with a little planning and a little flirtingwhich happens to be the international language of Brazil-you may
find that Paulistano passion has intoxicated you. ■
IF YOU GO
As it's grown in popularity, especially among
business people, Sao Paulo has been made
accessible by direct flights from New York on
American, Delta, United and a few others. Airfare
runs around $900 roundtrip and puts you up there for
about nine hours.
The Brazilian real (plural, reais) is an increasingly strong currency, thanks to the country's robust
economy, but what you'll spend locally is on par with
a big-city vacation. Your best bet is to go cheap by
day and indulge by night-which starts on the late
side, by the way (think 9 p.m. dinners).
Clubs typically charge covers from $1 0 to $20
(cheaper in advance or before midnight), and when
you go in, they'll take your credit card info and give
you what looks like a gift card to buy drinks at the
bar (tip with cash as you see fit). Then, on the way
out, check out at the cashier and pay the total. This is
a safe way to avoid losing your cash in the club-but
could be dangerous when it comes to buying drinks
for pretty ladies.
HALLOWEEN
IN NEW ORLEANS
rom the moment you arrive at Louis
to while away your Sunday. For a slap,up lunch
YOU WILL FIND
Armstrong International Airport, the
and, some say, the best fried chicken and catfish
ACCEPTANCEauthentic spirit of New Orleans grabs
in town, DookyChaseat 2301 Orleans Ave. is a
AND YOUR ALTER beloved local institution rebuilt to the last detail
you like a six,foot,four drag queen
EGO-IN THE
after Hurricane Katrina. The establishment's
and never lets you go until, indelibly
CRESCENT CITY.
matriarch, Leah Chase, was at the helm starting
imprinted with glitter (and a hangover), you leave
1941, and her devoted grandson now carries
in
for home, feeling more like yourself than you have
By MerrynJohns
on the family tradition, offering affordable and
in a while. Here, in The City That Care Forgot, or
authentic Creole and soul food. If you're in
NOLA, as it is referred to by locals, you can really be
yoursel£ which may even be someone else, because
New Orleans with your sweetheart, treat her
Cafeon Chartres Street, east of the French
for Halloween, as for Mardi Gras, or for that matter any time of
to dinner at Feelings
Quarter. It's known as the most romantic restaurant in town and
year, no amount of gay guising is too much. This town doesn't bat
a false eyelash at anything, which makes it the perfect place for a is off the tourist trail. The Old World atmosphere and cobblestone
dyke to explore her inner decadence.
courtyard will transport you to a simpler time.
THINGS TO DO
WHERE TO DRINK AND PARTY
>
<(
Art is the lifeblood of this city, devoted as it is to self,expression.
at 241 Royal Street is worth
The lesbian,owned AngelaKingGallery
a visit to take in some quality contemporary art and to support the
gallery owner, a lesbian,art lover and California transplant, and the
community of art,lovers she fosters. For some local color, Dr.Bob's
FolkArt Complexoffers up mixed,media pieces (many a work is
bedecked in beer caps straight off the local brews) priced from
as little as $35. But NOLA is now on the map as a major U.S.
arts destinations thanks to the superb collections at the Ogden
Museum,which presents the most comprehensive assemblage
ArtsCenter,
of Southern art in the world, and the Contemporary
which fearlessly hangs emerging and experimental pieces that
would be right at home in New York City. The healing arts are
Healing
flourishing here, post, Katrina, especially at the NewOrleans
Center,a holistic and sustainable center with programs promoting
physical, nutritional, emotional, environmental and spiritual well,
being. And lovers of the musical arts can bask in the sounds of
every genre as national superstars sit down with the local talent
which is held every year around
at the VoodooMusicExperience,
Halloween, come hell or high water.
:::i
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WHERE TO EAT
Yes, you can drink in the street in NOLA, but there are some
lovely indoor bars, too! LoaBarat the International House Hotel
is a classy, candlelit destination where you can imbibe some of the
most innovative cocktails in the city. For a more over,the,top
experience, the ChrisOwensClubpresents its legendary burlesque
performer and owner in a seemingly endless night of singing,
dancing and audience participation. The exhibitionism required
of this evening is certainly a good excuse to tie one on, and I was
boozily charmed by our hostess, Owens, who, although she must be
about to attain septuagenarian status, still mesmerizes her audience
with impeccable timing and showgirl chutzpah. If you are in town
for Halloween, the best party comes courtesy of Project Lazarus,
whose motto-Living
in the Positive-should
apply to all of us,
as well as the AIDS survivors they support. This year's theme for
the four,day bacchanal, October 25-28, is Monster Brawl, so let
your creativity and imagination run wild, because the main event
and costume party on October 27 will be uninhibited, to say the
least. Southern Decadence is the weeklong, boy,focused gay event
held over Labor Day Weekend, and, thankfully, the girls decided
to create their own answer to this male debauchery: Dykeadence
(dykeadence.com). Also held over Labor Day Weekend, this festi,
val focuses on solidarity, safety, visibility, and, of course, letting it all
hang out. The girls even have their own outrageous contingent in
the boys' Southern Decadence parade, followed by a festival of live
music, comedy, queeraoke, book club and family day. "Our parties
are wild;' says the organizer, Sara V. Pie. "Wild in a way unlike any
other parties in the country. We are a city that embraces deviance,
and we are always pushing boundaries:•
Yes, they push boundaries every day in New Orleans, and don't
think for a minute that Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Gustav,
or any other strangely,named tropical storm will bring this city's
stride to a halt. As the locals say,"Laissez les hons temps rouler"-let
the good times roll. ■
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It's not exactly news that New Orleans is a foodie town, but the
fact that it's a walking and drinking town means you should
start your day with a good, solid breakfast. Stanley,a restaurant
conveniently located on historic Jackson Square in the French
Quarter, dishes up eggs poached with cornmeal,crusted oysters
and Creole hollandaise, while Lil'Dizzy'son Poydras Street serves
filling French toast, as well as the local staple, shrimp and grits.
For a fancier time-mimosas,
music and museum,worthy decor,
Hotelis unbeatable for brunch. This stately Southern
the Columns
establishment offers elegance without stuffiness and overlooks
leafy St. Charles Avenue in the Garden District. It's the perfect spot
October 2012
I 65
LUST IN
THE DUST
urning off the freeway near a
small town in the desert, we
followed the female voice of the
GPS, over the railroad tracks and
down a dirt road heading into the
It was incredible to see her laughing and joking
about a 1,ton bull stepping on her. Given the ease
with which she talked about riding, I assumed
she'd grown up with it, but Sara is relatively new
to the sport. About five years ago, she went to
mountains.
a bull,riding workshop and found herself in the
We parked at the base of a hill in an unpaved
throes of a new passion.
Words and Photos
"It's crazy-I mean, I love it. It's, oddly enough,
lot with pickup trucks and horse trailers, not sure
By Kristin Flickinger
one of the most challenging things I've ever done
exactly what we would find at the top, where dust
in my life. It's so much mental. It's so much
was rising against the stark blue sky.
My partner turned to look at me excitedly. Then
physical. You can psych yourself out of it in a
second just by a million things:'
I heard it-the distant thunka,thunka of a gay club that meant
It's not just the bull riding that keeps Sara coming out, week
everything would be just fine.
after week.
We put on the matching straw hats we'd bought in Mexico,
"It's like a second family, really. Everyone takes care of each
crested the hill, gravel crunching under our boots, and got our
first glimpse of the weekend ahead of us. On a concrete dance
other. Even though some people might be competing against
each other, you'll still loan everyone your gear. New people need
floor, hairy guys in tight tanks were two,stepping to Katy
a hand. Everyone's really awesome, takes care of each other. It's
Perry. Vendors were peddling everything from cowboy boots to
great to be around:'
glittering gowns to barbecue pork. And in the air, the smell of
In fact, earlier in the day, another cowboy had loaned Sara a
livestock. This was gay rodeo!
bull,riding vest ( used to keep you from breaking your ribs), when
With over 5,000 members and 24 local associations in North
she found she'd left her own vest at home.
America, the International Gay Rodeo Association (IGRA),
Hot Rodeo's queen, Rosie Sierra, sees gay rodeo as a place for
the world's largest, has been in existence since 1985. In many
women like Sara to grow.
ways, it's a lot like any other rodeo-there's
roping and riding,
"We have a lot of strong women in
horses and bulls-but
gay rodeo was
our rodeo organization, and we encour,
created specifically to welcome LGBT
age more women to do more:'
(and heterosexual) participants and
Whether you're new to gay rodeo
spectators, and to encourage both men
or a longtime veteran, the organization
and women to compete in every event,
has a lot to offer. After volunteering
whether it's pole bending or bull riding.
and participating for more than 20
Yup. The IGRA has female bull riders.
years, Rosie is still finding new ways
In May, at Hot Rodeo in Palm Springs,
to be involved. Next year, she plans to
I sat down with Sara Simunovich to talk
compete in pole bending, a beautiful
about bull riding. She was icing her arm
event where the horse and rider weave
after finishing up with a 2,000,pound
between poles in a timed competition.
so,called junior bull that had thrown
"It's a dance with you and the animal;'
her clear but tapped her calf with his
she says, smiling. "It's a perfect dance:'
hoof on the way down.
In addition to the traditional horse
"I got stepped on in San Diego and
and cattle events, IGRA has three camp
kicked in Phoenix. I should have broken
my leg in San Diego. I don't know how
(read campy) events: Goat Dressing
I didn't. I totally underestimated how
(putting underwear on a goat), Steer
Deco (tying a ribbon on the tail of a
much that would hurt;' she says.
steer), and the crowd favorite, Wild
Sara is lean-5 feet 2, 125 pounds in
her signature "cowboi" studded chaps.
Drag Race.
66
I curve
SADDLE UPGAY RODEO
IS THE NEXT
BIG OUTDOOR
ADVENTURE.
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Hot Rodeo line-up
(Clockwise); Queering the
cowboy tradition; Cowboi
Sara Simunovich
CURVE SLEPTHERE
From budget to upscale, here are the best bunkhouses
cowbois and cowgirls.
for
Many people head to Palm Springs for the glitz of a big
event like Dinah Shore Weekend or the White Party. But
along with glam, it can also offer a warm and sunny respite
from the hustle and bustle of life. Those looking for a private
getaway can find amazing (and gay) options in a place
called the Desert.
Sun And Fun Vacation Rentals (sunandfunvacationrentals.
com), a major sponsor of Hot Rodeo (palmspringsrodeo.org),
is a gay-owned rental company that offers everything from
studios and condos to four-bedroom villas in the Greater
Palm Springs area. They even have gay-owned properties
like the gorgeous "Celebrity Living" house, which boasts
three bedrooms, a huge kitchen, and an immaculate backyard with a pool, a hot tub, and a BBQ area.
From the moment my partner and I drove up to the twocar garage, to our last dip in the gorgeous dark-bottomed
pool, this property surrounded us in chic comfort.
We love renting houses-for a number of reasons. A big
kitchen means we can cook whatever we want, whenever
we want. And, because the house is all ours, we can hop
in the Jacuzzi at any hour, skinny-dip in the pool, watch
movies in our cushy living room and have dinner in front of
the fire. In short, it means taking a vacation entirely on our
own terms.
Honestly, every day we're not in "our" Palm Springs
house, we miss it. So, whether you're heading to the Desert
for Hot Rodeo or just a weekend getaway, book yourself a
slice of gay heaven through Sun and Fun. [KristinFlickinger]
"IT'S A TOUGH WORLD TO
BE ACCEPTED IN. HERE,
l'M ACTUALLY THE ONE IN
CHARGE ... I GET TO FLANK, I
GET TO RUN THE ANIMALS, I
GET TO DO WHAT I LOVE TO
DO-AND
WITH A WONDERFUL
GROUP OF PEOPLE."
In Wild Drag, teams are made up of three people
and one wild steer. The team members have to get the
steer from a chute to a line 70 feet away, where the per,
son in drag has to mount the steer and ride it back to
the chute. Two buckles are awarded: for best time and
for best costume.
This was my partner's first rodeo, and she fell in love
with this event. I'm fairly certain we'll be making a
Wild Drag appearance sometime soon.
Along with bull riders and pole benders, animals
take center stage at every gay rodeo event. After our
chat, Sara brought us over to meet the bulls and their
handler, Jane Silva. Jane and her partner, Bill, breed
bulls that are ridden on the IGRA circuit as well as
on the perhaps better,known PBR (Professional Bull
Riders) circuit. We climbed into an open,air trailer,
where two of the goats from the day's events were
relaxing. We scratched their heads as Jane told us the
story of the three,legged goat they'd saved-the
goat
that now lives with them as a pet. I asked Jane about
the bulls.
'J\ctually, our bulls are born to buck. They're a special
68
I curve
breed. Saying you can get any bull to buck would be like saying
you can make any horse run in the Kentucky Derby. Obviously,
breeding is involved. And our animals, when you see them in the
pasture when we run them in, they buck without anyone on
them, any flank strap, because they love that athleticism, that
action. That's their exercise:'
We walked over to the pen where the bulls are kept, and
Mud, a 2,500-pound black-and-white bull, met us at the
fence. Sara introduced us.
"He's so strong. He just gives this power kick that blows
your feet out into a handstand. But you come along with
some alfalfa and he's like, 'What, food?' You can just scratch
his tail like a dog. He has these two switches:'
Jane told us that earlier, when Mud had run to the
fence after bucking a rider, sending people scrambling, he
was just looking for the cookies he knew were there. She
pulled out a bag of sweet-potato chips and we stood there,
feeding Mud from our hands. I asked Jane what it's like to
be a woman at a gay rodeo.
"Gay rodeo to me is very rewarding, because I love working
with the animals. That's my forte. With normal rodeo, it's
the last male bastion. Women are not accepted very readily
behind the chutes. There's very few women that are allowed,
at the PBR, to go and flank and load their own bulls. There's only
one that I know of. It's a tough world to be accepted in. Here, I'm
actually the one in charge, and it's preferred that way. I get to flank,
I get to run the animals, I get to do what I love to do-and with a
wonderful group of people:' (igra.com)■
FOR MORE INFO
CALL 954.288.8691
OR
AMY@PANDORAEVENTS.COM
October 2012
I 69
REVIEWSMusic Watch
The ButterflyEffect
Butterfly Boucher's new self-titled album is out now, and it's all about pleasure.
By Jess McAvoy
It's Sunday morning, and I'm
hung over and a touch nervous.
I've loved Butterfly Boucher since
I first heard "I Can't Make Me"
in 1993, and though her record
caught the attention of the likes
of David Bowie and Madonna,
the Australian-born, Nashvillebased multi-instrumental singersongwriter had dropped off my
radar. You can imagine my delight
when I discovered that she was
producing the new Missy Higgins
album, and that she had released
a brilliant new record of her own.
70
I curve
Howhaveyoubeen?Wherehaveyoubeen?
I just came back from a few days of promo
in N.Y.C., and before that about a month
in Australia on tour with Missy Higgins.
I was opening for her and playing in her
band as well. Missy's fans are really lovely
and wonderfully rowdy! I felt pretty lucky
to be able to play to her audience.
Howdidyoutwostartworkingtogether?
We met at Lilith Fair. I didn't know this,
but she had come onto Lilith to play a few
solo shows, and we got talking backstage,
and she goes, "Oh yeah, I haven't really
been doing my music:' I was like, "What do
you meant
She said, "Oh, I kinda quit, and this is
the first set I've done in years! I just lost the
joy of music and felt I didn't have anything
to offer:'
So when she asked me if I ever co~write,
I immediately said I wanted to. I was like,
Gosh, I want her to have that back! I've
always been most confident in feeling like
I had something to offer in music, so I
wanted her to have that back. She came to
Nashville, and Katie Herzig and I became
part of her circle of friends very quickly.
Her management responded really well to
even those demos. So I put my hand up for
co~producing the album, and now we've
been touring together and it's been a really
natural collaboration.
You'vewritten three recordsin a decade.
Haveyouwrittenmuchrecently?
No, that's the thing! I'm not prolific at all!
That second album really dried me up.
Songwriting was no longer something that
I turned to. That was the whole sadness,
really. I didn't have an opinion on my songs
anymore. I delivered Scary Fragile and it
sat there for three years-they
wouldn't
release it. I started thinking, Well, if I just
do one song that the label really likes, then
this is a great opportunity. Unfortunately,
you just start losing ... you're not writing
it with the same heart. All of a sudden I
didn't know if it was good or not, and it
shook my whole confidence. You'd think
I'd have been writing all those years, but
I wasn't. It wasn't enjoyable. Why would I
write, when there's no outlet for it? I want
to make practical art.
Whatchanged?
I turned 30 and I went, Oh shit! I need to
do as much as I possibly can and not get
hung up on radio and being a star. It's more
about the bigger picture and leaving a body
of work. If I get hit by a truck tomorrow,
I want to know I have done as much as
possible to leave a legacy.
Tellmeaboutyourtransition
frommajorlabel
to independent.
It's really interesting, going independent-I
thought I was pretty independent already.
But now, yes, you're calling all the shots,
but it's 10 times more work, and I don't
think I could have done it without the
experience [of being on a major label]. I've
had to relearn a lot of things too, simple
things like updating websites, booking all
of the entourage, things I didn't have to
think of when I was on a major. People
aren't buying records, really, any more, so
you have to be creative. It's about coming
up with the good ideas.
I keep coming back to that simple thing
0£ OK, I need to enjoy this, and I need
to keep making music. I want to leave the
most I can possibly leave. In whatever way
I can do that, I will do that.
Whatadvicedoyouwishyou'dbeengiven?
I wish somebody had told me to prioritize
enjoying it, earlier on, and also to keep
your eye on the bigger picture and not
to be so precious. It's the career, and not
song~by~song.
Whatadvicewouldyounowgiveto aspiring
femalemusicians?
My first instinct is,"Don't do it! Pick some~
thing else:' [Laughs] If it is in your blood
and it's what you know you want to do-if
you're passionate about it-keep doing it.
Don't ever stop. If you look at any of the
people that you admire, like David Bowie,
Morrissey, they kept going. They never
stopped. (butterfiyboucher.com) ■
October 2012
I 71
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
The Mind'sEye
EllenForney'snew memoir graphicallyportrays her bipolar disorder. By Grace Bello
The author Ellen Forney likes to say she's had three coming
outs. First, she announced that she was bisexual-not
too hard
for someone who lives in Seattle and whose mother is a lesbian.
Second, she came out as a cartoonist (rather than becoming a
therapist, as she had originally planned), landing gigs at Seattle's
alt-weekly The Stranger and writing comic books including Lust
and I Was Seven in '75. But her third coming out was the most
difficult. She had to tell her friends and family that she has bipolar
disorder, a long-term mental illness that, when left untreated, can
even lead to suicide.
In the 12 years since she was diagnosed, it has gotten easier to
tell loved ones about her condition, as well as to manage it. But
her new graphic memoir, Marbles, raises the stakes. In it, she publicly lays bare her affliction: For her it entailed hypersexuality, a
pharmacopoeia of medications and friendships that were strained
and broken. She tracks the ups and downs of her illness from its
highs, when she was "vibrating with sexual energy" and hooking
up with friends and strangers alike, to the crushing lows, when
she took Tegretol (Carbamazepine) and could
no longer have an orgasm. Forney, with a darkly
funny honesty and powerful imagery, illustrates
what it means to have a disease that affects only
1 or 2 percent of the adult population-but
that
most people are afraid to talk about.
Yet how to embark on writing about the most difficult time in her life:' "I waited a number of years,
until I felt that I was securely stable, so that I could
tell the story and not feel like I was going to be breaking
down in a much more public way;' Forney says. Part
of coming to terms with her illness required looking
back at some of the world-changing artists she admires
and who, yes, also had mood disorders: among them are
Georgia O'Keeffe, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath. Of
O'Keeffe, Forney says in the book, "I was manic for my sexier photo
shoots. Could she have been, toot She then comically draws a
high-energy, wild-eyed O'Keeffe shouting, "I want more wine!"
Forney at first finds these "crazy artists" inspiring-"If these people
are this productive and this amazing, then I thought maybe I could
at least get myself together" -but also realizes how problematic it
is to romanticize the madness.
After she discovered others who had the same affliction, Forney
felt ready to examine her own experience. "Part of the way mania
manifested itself in me was hypersexuality;' she says. In the beginning of Marbles, the author includes a nude photo shoot with her
and her friends Molly and Anita, which was slated to become a
comic for Eros Comix. The images portray a naughty grrl bandthey stop by a lingerie store after rehearsal, play dress up with
fishnet stockings and garter belts and have sex in the fitting room.
721curve
But after loading up on sugar and cigarettes,
Forney says, between acts of foreplay, "My
brain was sizzling and Anita was right with me:' She kisses
Anita with abandon but loses track of her Eros Comix narrative
entirely. In fact, this scene's inclusion in Marbles marks the first
time it has seen the light of day. She never completed the book.
She says,"When I was manic, I would have a difficult time following through on my ideas. Mania, basically, is either lacking focus
or hyper-focused. And then I'd be depressed-it
was just hard to
have any sort of inspiration:'
Forney depicts depression elegantly. On one wordless page of
the book, she shows a simple, faceless figure struggling to get out
of bed, wrapping itself up in a comforter and heading to the living
room, only to curl up and sleep on the sofa. Here, her graphic
memoir does what text can't: it portrays a devastating mood for
which there are no words. To guide Forney from this state back
toward stability, her doctor put her on a cocktail of meds. From
Depakote to Lithium to Lamictal to Tegretol, she shows the impact
these drugs had on her body and her mind. This last drug crippled
her ability to have an orgasm, so she turned to marijuana to take
the edge off. In reflecting on this for Marbles,she says, "Here's one
thing that made doing this book difficult: Memory is really bad
during depression and during mania. I don't know what this book
would have been like without my journals. And I got my medication
history from my psychiatrist, so that I could track the dates and
try to remember-'Oh
yeah, when I was on Tegretol, this is what
happened: ,, For the author, this book is, as she describes it,
"cathartic;' but it is also a recovery project, a way for her to literally
recall her story, so that she can accept it, then share it.
Now that she's stable, and has been since 2004, she can even
put her experience to good use-to the best use: 'Td say it's been
great for my creativity:' No longer wanting to indulge the "crazy
artist;' as she did when she was first diagnosed, she sees Marbles
as a therapeutic exercise, and hopes it will be an inspiration for
others with mood disorders. "It will give maybe some specific
ideas to people who have similar outlets, like, 'Oh, I could do
this in my sketchbook!',, she says. "To be able to externalize your
feelings, to be able to put them out there and put them outside
of yourself, to examine them, it's really super important and very
comforting and an important part of therapy:' And what about
coming out so publicly as bipolar?"lt's not so terrifying anymore.
It's more exciting, because the reactions that I have gotten have
been positive. But it's definitely opening myself up, something
that is very personal and not always easy;' she says. "I don't know
that it's ever easy:' ■
MORE THAN A MOUTHFUL
Two collections of essays tell our stories in our own words.
SisterSpit:Writing,
Rants&
Reminiscence
fromtheRoad,Editedby
MichelleTea(CityLightsBooks):Sister
Spitis alreadya legend,andthis bookwill
ensureits longevitybeyondthefamethat
evenanendlessroadtrip couldoffer.It's
alsothefirst releasefromCityLights'new
publishingimprint,SisterSpitBooks,which
MichelleTeawill edit.Withhernetworking
prowessandexperienced
literaryqueer
ear,there'snodoubtthatthiswill bea
successful
newimprint.Originating
in
SanFrancisco
in 1994asa spokenmic
revue,SisterSpitsoonmorphedintoa
travelingqueercabaret.Bynow,the Sister
Spitvanhascrisscrossed
thecountry
countless
timesandevenmadea sweep
throughEurope.
However,
as botha written
homageto SisterSpit'sparticipants
andan
attemptto reproduce
its frenziedspoken
wordenergyonthe page,this bookhas
a trickydualityto fulfill.In somewaysit
succeeds,
asthe immediacy
of the roadis
broughthomewell in severalof the pieces.
TheseincludeBlakeNelson'stourdiary
entriesandRhiannon
Argo'saccountof
a portionof the EuroTrashtour,"I'm Not
Lost,I JustDon'tKnowWherethe FuckWe
Are."Non-tourrelatedpiecesincludeMarie
Yoas'"Training
for Goddesses,"
Eileen
Myles'"February13,1982,"andTara
Jepsen's"WhoKnowsthe Secretto the
Pleasure
of a Woman."Thepremiseof this
collectionis a goodone,andthe lightning-
fast paceof the selections
will engageits
targetaudienceof youngerdykereaders.
However,
in the end,its feistymessage
maybedrownedoutby its unevenwriting,
poorlyreproduced
graphicart andan
insurmountable
splitpersonality.
Theletter Q:QueerWriters'Notes
to theirYounger
Selves,Editedby
SarahMoon(ArthurA. LevineBooks):
Critiquing
this collectionfeelsa bit like
critiquingthe "It GetsBetter"campaign.
Infact,it feelsa littlemean,because
youknowthis book'sheartis in the right
place.Thebasicpremiseof TheLetterQ
is a well-meaning
one.It's a compilation
of shortlettersfromwritersto their
youngerselves,designed
to besupportive
anduplifting.Upbeat,
shortandquippy,
theselettersaredesigned
to beslurped
downlikea popsicleona hotsummer
day.Envisioned
as a wayto connectgay
andlesbianwritersbothto theiryounger
selves,andto youthwhomayneedto hear
theirmessage
of hope,it's truethatthe
lettersareinspiring.Mostwritersin this
collection,includinglesbiancontributors
DianeDiMassa,
Jacqueline
Woodson,
MalindaLoandEileenMyles,earnestly
acknowledge
the difficultyof beinga
younggayor lesbianpersonandask
theiryoungerselfto trustthatthingswill
getbetter-that theywill findtheirtribe,
theywill find love,finda purposeandfind
themselves.
Andyet,it wouldhavebeen
this reviewer'spreference
if someof the
lettershadbeena bit longer,sothatthere
wasmoreemotionaldepthto the book,
insteadof whatI felt wasmerelya surface
skimmingof the issuesgayyouthface.
Additionally,
mostof thewritersincluded
areover40 yearsold,hardlya crowdthat
will beknownto LGBTteens.Andfor a
bookthatclaimsit's "queer"andaimedat
LGBTyouth,thereis a tremendous
paucity
of bisexualandtransgender
writers.With
transwritersveryprominent
thesedays,
the omissionof anyopenlytranswritersat
all is shocking.Still,standoutcontributors
includeMarionDaneBauer,LindaVillarosa,
PaigeBraddock's
cartoonstrip,"MyAdvice
to Me"andJewelleGomez,
whosumsup
the book'smessage
wellasshewritesto
heryoungerself:"You'rea colored,lesbian
feministwriter-sorry, nothingto bedone
aboutthat.Thismaybea lotfor a tenyear
oldto takein,sojust breathe.First,the
publishing
worldwill alwaysmarginalize
youbecauseit thinksnoonecareswhat
womenof colorhaveto say.Nowthe good
news:If youcarepassionately
aboutwhat
we haveto say,you'llloveto writeno
matterhowmarginalized
youmightbe,
andyouwon'tbealoneoutthereonthe
margins."[RachelPepper]
October 2012
I 73
REVIEWSTech Girl
SwitchedOn
Alpha dykes can make the world their office with these devices. By Rachel Shatto
Remember when work hours meant 9-5, Monday through Friday? Ah, those were the days. But as any business-savvy lesbian
can tell you, in today's world of smartphones, tablets and light-as-a-feather laptops, the workday never really ends. So whether
you're scaling the corporate ladder or masterminding a startup, you need the right tools to take the office on the road and
never miss another deadline! Here are 10 raring-to-go-gadgets that will allow you to keep up without slowing down.
0
1. ON THE RECORD
Whetheryour businessrequiresyouto attend
meetings,recordinterviewsor evenjust your
thoughts,the PhilipsLFH0655VoiceTraceris the
perfecthandheldvoicerecorderto take on the road.
Its low-noisemicrophoneallowsit to pick up voices
clearly,which makesfor crystalclearrecordings,
andthe plug-and-playcablemeansuploadingand
savingthe audiois a snap.($75,amazon.com)
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••...~~\)
2. TO THE POINT
Thebestwayto lightenyour loadis to usedevices
that can multitask.Streamlineyourgadgetswith
Logitech'sadorablelittle Cube.Thisdevice,which
fits neatlyin the palmof your hand,doublesas
a trackpadfor yourcomputerand as a wireless
remotefor presentations.
Sowhether
on the receivingor givingendof a
conference,the Cubeis all you'll need.
($70,logitech.com)
3. SUNNY SOLUTION
Whenyou'reon the roadwith your laptop
andtechnologicalsundriesridingshotgun,it's
just too easyto get tangledup in adaptersand
powercords.Evenwith all thosecords,dwindling
batterylife is still an ever-loomingthreat.Voltaic
Systems'GeneratorLaptopChargingSolarBag,
with its built-in solarpanel,is an elegantand
eco-friendlysolutionto bothof thoseproblems.
($400,voltaicsystems.com)
4. ZEN TO GO
If you'veeverluggedaroundyour laptop
all day,you knowhow quicklyit can
start to feel like you'reactuallydragging
arounda desktopcomputer.ThefeatherlightASUSZenbookUX31A is just what
yourachingshoulderis beggingfor! This
ultra-sleekPCboastsa high-resolution
screen,backlitkeyboard,and clockingin
at underthreepoundsit's perfectfor the
enterprisingpowerlesbianon the go.
($1,000and up,amazon.com)
74
I curve
O
5. SMALL WONDER
8. KEY ACCESSORY
Forthe networkinglezzie,the SlimScanSS100is
the gadgetof yourdreams.Thiscreditcard-sized
portablescanneris smallenoughto fit in a wallet
but its high-resolutionscansmeanyou'll never
loseanotherbusinesscardor receipt.Notonly
doesit capturethe info but it alsoautomatically
convertsscansto editableforms,allowsyouto
easilyimportcontactsandwhenconnectedto
yourcomputercreateseasy-to-customize
expense
reports.($94,amazon.com)
Doyou loveyour iPadbut hatethe
touchscreenkeyboard?ThenLogitech's
UltrathinKeyboardCoveris just
what you'vebeen
waitingfor.Thisstylish
aluminumcaseattaches
magneticallyand protects
yourtabletfrom accidentaltumbles.
It alsodoublesas a full, super-thinkeyboard,
which connectsvia Bluetoothand cansupportthe
iPadin bothportraitand landscapeposition.
($100,logitech.com)
6. HOT TO TROT
Beyourowntravelinghotspotwith the Verizon
JetpackMiFi.With it youcan connectbetweenfive
and 10 Wi-Fienableddevicesat onceto a 3G/4G
wirelessconnection.Whichmeansyour laptop,
phone,notebook,assistant(andall their gadgets,
too)can alwaysstayconnectedin over200
countries.($50,verizonwireless.com)
7. CHARGE AHEAD
Sapphicretailerscan breakout of the
brick and mortarwith the Squarecredit
card reader.Whenattachedto your
iPhone,this fabulouslittle gadget
turnsthe world into yourstorefront
by allowingyouto processcredit
cardson the go. (squareup.com)
9. PERSONAL TOUCH
If you'vebeencravinga tabletand all its compact
convenience,
you can't get bettervaluethan
Google'snew Nexus7 tabletwith its high-res
7-inchtouchscreen,longbatterylife and low price.
It doeseverythinga handheldtabletshould:It gives
youaccessto email,the Internet,playsmoviesand
musicand hasover600,000appsavailablefor
download.($200and up,google.com/nexus)
10. POWERFUL PAIR
Whatif you couldkeepeveryfile you needfor
work in your pocket?Withthe iTwinthat's actually
possible.Onehalf is placedinto the USBport on
yourcomputer,the otherhalf can plug intothe
computerat yourdestination,andanyfiles you
haveselectedto be madeavailableto the iTwinare
nowaccessibleto you remotely.If travel is a big
part of your professionthe iTwinis an absolute
must-have!($99,itwin.com)
0
October 2012
I 75
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
The Buzz AroundHysteria
Behind the scenes with lesbian director Tanya Wexler. By Kathleen Wilkinson
The "coming"jokes just don't stop about this
film. How can they, when it's based on the
invention of the vibrator? A feel-good film
like no other, it proves that, yes, feminists can
have a sense of humor. And, while director
Tanya Wexler touches on the impossible
conditions of women's lives in Victorian
England, she handles her electromechanical
star with wit and humor.
The film centers on the tool's inventor, Mortimer Granville, who's played by
Hugh Dancy. He is a medical progressive, but otherwise upholds the traditional
Victorian values, especially when it comes
to women."! made a great feminist romantic comedy about a guy, right?;' Wexler told
curve when the film played at the San
Francisco International Film Festival in
76
I curve
May. "There's a great female character [but
the film] could be called The Education of
Mortimer Granville. He needs to come to
terms with the fact that everything around
him is slightly based on bullshit:'
Maggie Gyllenhaal plays Charlotte, "that
truth teller, that Katharine Hepburn -style
character who can't help it:' Whether it
costs her or not, she has to speak her mind.
"It reminds me of being in school and raising my hand, even though I know I'm going
to get hell for it later;' Wexler (a Yale graduate) notes. "I just have that thing I just have
to say:'
Wexler reports that for her main
characters she was able to get the actor
who was first on her wish list. "The three
amazing women who were my producers ...
we all sat around when we were talking
about casting and we said, 'Charlotte has
to be a woman that women love-when
you throw out names ... [women] go, 'Oh,
I love her!'" With Maggie, "She feels real,
even if it's the movie star level of real.
She's gorgeous and smart-you
feel the
intelligence and the passion ooze out of her,
the way I felt when I saw Emma Thompson
for the first time. We were really aiming for
that Hepburn-like quality, and Maggie has
that in spades:'
The droll Rupert Everett steals the show
as Granville's friend, a bored, upper-class
dilettante who despises the middle-class
work ethic and is obsessed with goodlooking young men-and electricity. Wexler
describes him as the "first tech geek;' because
he ultimately helps spawn the invention.
"There was something about the English
at that time, in the 1880s, and just how
strict the cultural codes were. That's what
made it funny, and that's what made it all
possible. Everyone's pretending that this
isn't a sexual thing-it's
a medical thing.
Or they weren't even pretending. They really
believed it. As a result, it's
what actually allowed [the
vibrator] to get invented;'
says Wexler. As you can
imagine, the swag on this set
was not chocolates. When
asked to "name names" on
her favorite electric sex toy,
Wexler demurs. She did,
however, explain that with
the deluge of vibrators sent
to the film, she ended up with about 15.
And she gave every one of them to the
cast and crew, to make sure they touched
them and felt them. They got so many that
"Maggie was like, 'I have enough; so she
was giving them away to her friends:•
There was however one moment that
flummoxed the unflappable direc~
tor-owing
to the naughtiness of
the gadget-came
on the day after
the world premiere at the Toronto
International
Film Festival, where
the company Jimmyjane had pro~
vided beautifully boxed vibrators
for the entire audience. (The gift tag
read "Just what the doctor ordered:')
"My mother called me up and said,
'It was great, but I have one beef.
There weren't any of those little vibra~
tors left ... I wanted to send some to
my friends,' " Wexler recalls. "OK,
Mom, give me a number and where
to send it and I'll send you as many
never, ever talk to
you want-and
me about this again:'
She quickly adds: "On the other
hand, it's a vibrator movie you could
bring your mother to. I love that. It's
not supposed to be shameful:'
Wexler is part of a power couple
in New York's West Village. She and her
spouse, Amy Zimmerman, have been to~
gether for 21 years. "In lesbian years that's
only, like, five years;• she quips. Each gave
birth to two of their four kids. "We're the
crazy lesbians with all the kids;' she laughs.
"I had the odds and she had the even. We're
both ridiculously overcommitted:' Among
their many accomplishments, Wexler has
served on GLAAD's board of directors
and Zimmerman helped to get same~sex
marriage passed in the state of New York.
She had no idea her film would turn out
birth control:' Really, that's what we're
talking about:' ... So the movie ends up
being weirdly salient today:'
For Wexler, the important work revolves
around making a place at the table for
everyone, and showing people who are
multifaceted, and making it fun. Citing the
dismissal record for women directors-
"What [Charlotte]is fightingfor in the "1880sdoesn't
seem, at least in the Westernworld, to be that
revolutionary
... But now,just this year,we're talkingabout
birthcontrol?Really,that'swhat we're talkingabout?...
So the movieends up beingweirdlysalienttoday."
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to be so topical. The Republican "war on
women;' attacking women's reproductive
rights and their control of their own bod~
ies, adds an even deeper dimension to this
romantic comedy.'Tm just flabbergasted ...
I thought the politics in the movie were
much more about the characters. What
only 5 percent of the top 250 films last
year were directed by women (a number
that's going down) and there were none at
Cannes this year-she adds, "I think it's
much more about equal opportunity than
making everything 50~50 down the line ...
Nothing is handed to you ... I just want,
[Charlotte] is fighting for in the 1880s
doesn't seem, at least in the Western world,
to be that revolutionary-rights
over our
own bodies, the right to vote, some basics.
But now, just this year, we're talking about
like Charlotte, the right to get in the fight.
"Because of this film, I'm up for studio
pictures now:• She notes that a Hollywood
studio offered the guy who made 500 Days
of Summer the opportunity to make The
October 2012177
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
Amazing Spider-Man next. "They're going
Next up, she can't yet reveal the project
to try to give me some 'meaningful' character
but will say that it's a biopic about a welldrama. I would like a shot at WonderWoman known lesbian.
or Spider-Man.Hollywood will be looking
"It's about the lesbian relationship ...
for the chick' movie for me:'
I love this character," she says. She does
Her producer in the biz told
her she would get three shots,
even if they didn't do well, but she
saw it differently. "No, I'm a girl.
I get one, and if that works I'll
get another one:' In the end, her
friend agreed.
Perhaps because of that gender
disparity, Wexler also laments the
dearth of strong women characters
on the screen. "When I came out
TheFatBody
MaryMarie
of college it was 1992. Within a
(ln)Visible
(TLAReleasing)
couple of years, we had Aliens,
(WomenMake
The Accused, The Silence of the
Movies)
Thislesbianadjacent
Lambs, Terminator 2, Madonna's
film is all aboutthe
Blond Ambition tour, Thelma &
intimacybetweentwo
Thisdocumentary
Louise... sexy, smart women out
women,Maryand
shortby Margitte
there kicking ass, which is even
Kristjansson
explores Mariewholivein their
better than talking-although
it
ownbubble,spendfat acceptance-the
is the lesbian way to talk someingsummerdays
radicalideathatall
thing to death. Then all of a
bodiesaredeserving
of swimming,picnicking
sudden, it evaporated. If you
equalrespect-through andbathingtogether.
Here'sthe catch:Mary
interviews
withfat
wanted a strong woman, you got
and
Mariearesisters
activistKeenaBowden
Angelina Jolie with a gun, or the
whose
intimacycomes
and
openly
queer
occasional movie. Where did it all
living
in
suspended
fat
activist
Jessica
go?" Just now, we're starting to see
childhood.
Thefilm
Jarchow.
Bowden
and
strong teens or 20-somethings,
picksupasthetwo
Jarchow
share
their
she notes, citing Rooney Mara in
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Lawrence in The
Hunger Games. She would like to
and Jennifer
see similarly strong characters in
their 30s or older, and she'd like
to make a thriller herself.
In Hollywood, Wexler confesses, she accidentally saw a list of
directors under consideration for
an upcoming picture about a wedding. Of the 25 directors on the
list, she was the only woman. 'J\.re
you kidding mer You couldn't find
a couple of women [to consider] ...
I had already said I didn't want to
do anything with a wedding dress
in it. There's enough movies about
the idea that every girl wants to
get married-unless
it's so funny
and brilliant, like Bridesmaids:'
78
I curve
promise her lesbian fans she'll make sure it
includes some girl-on-girl action this time.
"It's sexy. Everyone likes to see girls kiss. I
really do:' Watch for that announcement
from Hollywood. ■
SoHardtoForget
Joe+ Belle
(Peccadillo
Pictures) (WolfeVideo)
Mostlesbian
romancefilms deal
with findinglove:first
love,lateblooming
love, andof course
the ubiquitousplucky,
down-on-your-luck
thirty-something
finallyfindingthe
one.ButSoHardto
Forgetdealswith a
differentstageof the
romanticcycle-the
heartbreakof love
lost,to the very
earlieststirringsof
storiesof discovering havereturnedhome
followingthe death
healingandmoving
bodyacceptance,
of theirmother.
They
on.ThisBrazilian
howfashionis a
film openswith
powerfulpoliticaltool, bouncearoundtheir
familyhome,whichis
the heroine,Julia,
theirexperiences
of
following
discrimination,
harass- stillfilledwithfurniture devastated
andfamilialbelongings a breakup.In order
mentandjudgment
buttheirmildlyerotic
to healshemoves
bysocietyandhow
to a beachhome
throughtheirvisibility symbiosisis upset
with two friends.But
andonlinepresence whena handyman
takesinterestin oneof whenherroommate's
theyareworkingto
the sisters,leavingthe cousinHelenaarrives
changethewayfat
otherto feellikea third thereis an instant,
peopleareviewedby
shot undeniable
chemistry,
othersaswellandhow wheel.Beautifully
in a stunning,idyllic
whichprovesto be
theyfeelaboutthemlocation,thefilm hasa just the motivation
selves.Thefilm also
Julianeedsto find
opensandcloseswith dreamlikequalityand
the strengthto finally
powerfulimagesfrom will appealto those
theAdipositivity
Project whoenjoyedthetaboo moveon.It's a fresh
takeon mattersof
of nudefat bodiesthat eroticismof SisterMy
the heartthat we all
arebothbeautifuland Sisterandthe artistry
of TheVirginSuicides. canidentifywith.
inspiring.
Inthis Sapphiccaper
moviefromIsrael,
Belle,havingjust
beenreleasedfrom
a mentalinstitution,
decidesto breakintoa
stranger'sapartment
to commitsuicide.
However,
whenthe
home'sresidentJoe
returnsit just takes
onelookbeforeBelle
realizesshehasone
verycute,blue-haired
reasonto live.Things
betweenthetwo are
quicklycomplicated
by
anaccidentalmurder,
whichforcesthe two
to go intohiding.Along
the way,theformerly
lonelycynicsfind
romanceonthe run.
Darklyhumorous,
Joe
+ Belleis a surprisinglyheartwarming
little romanticcomedy.
Soif youlikeyour
onscreenlesbian
romances
with a little
bit of crime,a whole
lot of crazyanddarewe sayit-the
possibilityof a happy
ending,thenputthis
film onyourmustwatchlist.
curve marketplace
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October 2012
I 79
STARS
Autumn Fires
We burn with lust this October, and why not?
It is National Coming Out month after all. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Libra{Sept.24-0ct. 23)
There is so much chatter, intrigue and other stuff
going on behind the scenes that you may become
distracted and stressed. But that is a great excuse for
planning your escape to some relaxing far off retreat.
Toss off your concerns for a while and find time to chill
out. If money and time are tight, chill closer to home.
How about a scented oil bath with a bosom buddy?
Scorpio{Oct.24-Nov.22)
A friend can easily become a girlfriend if you give
her a chance. But be sure that this is what you really
want from her. Your life heats up in a variety of areas
including your finances and you may be more focused
on the bottom line rather than on her bottom line.
Libra{Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Sagittarius{Nov.23-Dec.22)
Sapphic Sagittarians are in the center of all the
action this October. So now that the spotlight shines
fetchingly on you, what will you do and say? Maybe
it's time to clean house-in more ways than one. Clear
away anything and anyone who is holding you back.
Because
theyaresocial
beings,Libralasseshave
troublebeingaloneanddoing
thingswithoutat leastone
bosombuddyto hangonto.
Theideaof goingto the movie
Capricorn{Dec.23-Jan. 20)
solo,eatingdinneralone
in a restaurant
or takinga Your day job suddenly gets a little more interesting
vacationfor oneis simply this October. Maybe it's because there is someone
toopainfulanddepressing new and ... ahem ...fascinating around the office. Ply
to contemplate.
Forthis your budding romance via the Internet with a few
reason,theytendto surround romantic tweets. But keep it light and lovely so you
themselves
witha bevyof don't scare her off.
attractivegalpalsandtendto
travelin socialpacks.College Aquarius{Jan.21-Feb.19)
wasprobably
a happytimefor Girlfriends help you in whatever crazy pursuit you
themwithits highly decide to undertake. Aqueerians tend to try to do it
socialdormitory
life and
themselves. But a helping hand can really help you
cozyroommates.
now. For those who are not interested in yet another
quixotic mission, use October to cocoon with your
special lady. And if you are in the meet market, it is
the perfect time to meet, greet and sweep someone
off her feet.
Pisces{Feb.20-March 20)
They love you at work. Play it out for all it is worth all
through the month. You will be given a small window
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is
theauthorofHerScopes: of opportunity to turn on your charm and mesmerize
the corporate snakes before they go back into their
A Guideto Astrology
baskets.
The secret of your success is to position
(Simon&
for Lesbians
yourself in the power nexus where you can eventually
Schuster)
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes).
Nowavailableasan ebook.
plot your revolution. And not a moment too soon!
so I curve
Aries{March21-April 20)
That rocket in your pocket can catapult you into
international airspace if you are not careful. Lambda
Rams have their finger on the pulse and the ways and
means to make their ways more meaningful. What are
you waiting for? Don't wait for the home delivery. Get
out there and make your life happen.
Taurus{April21-May 21)
Romance is high on your to~do list this month and
that is because you feel especially feisty and sexy. Strut
it like you mean it, Sapphic Bull. There are too many
lovely ladies to choose from and not enough rope to
lasso them all. So be discerning and let your heart be
your guide.
Gemini{May22-June 21)
Your outside activities may be taking up more of your
time this month. Just be sure that they don't infringe
on your inside activities. Lovergrrls need more of your
attention and their needs should take precedence over
any softball team or committee meeting. Or try to mix
business with pleasure by encouraging her to join you.
Cancer{June22-July 23)
It may be possible to have your cheesecake and eat it
too this October. Not only do you feel fantastically
fit, you are also more charming than usual (if that is
even possible) and can attract any lady you like. Life is
smooth in general. Even boring work projects are easy
to complete. So think about what and who you want
and go, go, go.
Leo{July24-Aug.23)
All of October is highlighted with radical fun from
some unexpected places. Ramp up your creative flair
and be prepared for lots of romantic opportunities.
Don't get tied down in the day~to~day. Be festive, be
flexible and be up for anything. Lovergrrls give you
enough rope to ... do whatever you want to with it.
Hmm, decisions, decisions.
Virgo{Aug.24-Sept.23)
You maneuver through any stressful situation with
aplomb and grace now. And that is because the fates
are smiling on you and sending you mellow vibes.
Increase your karma with good deeds for your favorite
women's charity. You have impact by the sheer force of
your beliefs and passions. Get your passion going. ■
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LLC
Features
56
OCTOBER
2012
The Big 0
Suze Orman, the world's best-known and most
trusted financial advisor, offers indispensable
advice on money and love. By Sara Toce &
Rachel Shatto
30
Done With Crazy
How one lesbian beat a cycle of mental illness
and abuse and wrote the story of her life.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
34
The Trip of a Lifetime
Kelli Carpenter opens up about family life,
business and finding love again after Rosie.
By Merryn Johns
38
Boardroom Games
Our fun fashion spread gleefully breaks all the
workwear rules. By Stella & Lucy
66
Lust in the Dust
Calling all cowgirls (and bois): gay rodeo is the
new outdoor adventure. By Kristin Flickinger
ThePowerIssue
Learn how to succeed in life and make a
difference by following the leads of these
influential power dykes.
44
Sisters In Arms
Powerful portraits of radical women.
By Amber Hollibaugh & Syd London
49
High Steppers
Stiletto brings the glitz back to N.Y.C.
night life. By Jillian Eugenios
51
Red, White, Blue and Green
From the White House Nancy Sutley
spreads green power. By Stephanie
Schroeder
page page page
28
34
70
52
t
m
54
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Stream Queen
How Shirin Papillon made the Internet
inspiring for lesbians. By Kim Hoffman
page
4
Law of the Land
San Francisco's lesbian litigators are
changing the balance of power.
By Adam L. Brink/ow
62
Sao Paulo Passion
South America's mega-metropolis offers a
powerful experience. By Kelsy Chauvin
00
~
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~
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w
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COVER
PHOTO
BYMARCROYCE
<(
October 2012
I1
Departments
OCTOBER
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IN EVERY ISSUE
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8
10
12
19
20
22
29
80
26
Our monthly profile of lesbian couples
who live, love and work together.
Letters
Editor's Letter
Contributors
28
33
Lipstick & Dipstick
Scene
-
Stars
Curvatures
Think pink for Breast Cancer
Awareness month; escape with the
Sapphic serial adventures of Bold
Riley; catch up with what happened
around the world in the Rundown.
24
Fitness Advice
Just because you're expecting a
beautiful baby doesn't mean you
can't keep fit.
Politics
On the passing of Sally Ride, out astronaut,
we ask why influential lesbians aren't more
celebrated? By Victoria A. Brownworth
Lesbofile
70
13
Laugh Track
Karen Williams makes us laugh and harness
our power through her brand of comedy.
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Out in Front
The Two of Us
72
-
-
-
Music: Butterfly Boucher riffs on her hot
collaboration with Missy Higgins and what's
next in her own brilliant career.
76
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Books: Author Ellen Forney shares her
battle with bipolar disorder. Plus, we review
two must-haves for your queer collection.
74
s8
Tech: Take command of your business with
this selection of brilliant high-tech tools.
Film: Director Tanya Wexler calls the shots in
a film about the history of our favorite sex toy.
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ADVISORS
I want to makes.-~
what's mine is you s
Do you and your partner know who will inherit your money and assets? When it comes to
your fmancial legacy or estate, it's never too early to take action. That's a very good reason to
have a conversation with one of our ADPA-certih.ed Financial Advisors soon. We understand
the issues domestic partners face, and we can help you make sure that the assets you've built
as a family stay in your family. Learn more at wellsfargoadvisors.com/adpa.
Together we'll go far
Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisor'M and ADPA'Mare service marks of the College for Financial Planning®.
© 2012 Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC. Member SIPC. All rights reserved. CAR# 0512-1252A
e
Designing and Healing
Celesbian 1V designer and breast cancer survivor Leslie
Ezelle on her show Design Star All Stars and her second
lease on life four years after her diagnosis.
e
Splitting up and Keeping it Together
lndie R&B artist Toni Shepherd and director Nai Qazi called
it quits as a couple, but they still found a way to collaborate
on Shepherd's new video.
e
We Are/She
Is (above) and
Brooklyn in Love
Brooklyn is for Lesbian Lovers
The cast and creators of the web series Brooklyn is in Love
on growing up, falling in love and trying to make it in the big
city. Oh, and their hot new Sapphic storyline!
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Feeling the Beat
You fell in love with Tegan and Sara, now get smitten over
the indie pop duo that is We Are/She Is aka Merilou Salazar
and Jessie Meehan.
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Rethink Possibte·
Amazing Camera. Fueled by 4G LTE.
0
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Order now!
www .att.com/cu rve
(877) 437-1007
©2012 AT&T Intellectual Property. All rights reserved. AT&T, the AT&T logo and all other AT&T
marks contained herein are trademarks of AT&T Intellectual Property and/or AT&T affiliated
companies. Limited 4G LTE availability in select markets. 4G speeds delivered by LTE, or
HSPA+ with enhanced backhaul, where available. Deployment ongoing. LTE is a trademark
of ETSI. Learn more at att.com/network.
Scan to View
highlights of AT&T's
commitment to the
LGBT community.
~
LETTERS
From Curve's
Facebook Wall
Lip Service for a third series. The series has
recently started airing in the U.S. so I really
believe it's something curve readers would
like to get behind. So far the twitition has
over 700 signatures and it has only been live
for just over two weeks! I was wondering if it
might be possible for curve to support the
petition. Twitition URL: http://www.twitition.com/hdp3q
-Lucy Sawdon-Collings, via email
Editor'sNote:OK readers, let's show the Brits
how much we want this show back!
Sapphic Support
I recently created an online tw1t1t1on via
Twitter to petition BBC3 to recommission
LoveHeather!I haveheralbum,and
it's absolutelyphenomenal.
Extremely
talentedandsweetperson.Excitedto
hearabouta UStour! -Rachel Kennon
Lovelovelovelip serviceandloveher!!
Adorethat wholecast!!
-Dawn Spalding
Greatcover!Keepit coming...!
-Laurie Jacobson
Lesbro Love
Giving Some Lip
Thank you for finally giving Heather Peace the
attention she deserves! What a treat to have a
lesbian TV show with a hot lesbian character who is on the butcher side of things and a
cop to boot! Also, your fashion and travel sections are equally pleasing and lovely to look
at. I would just like more of everything, and I
look forward to the day when curve is a good
chunky size like my other favorite women's
magazines. I could spend a lot longer each
month in curve-world.
-Rebecca Hollinghurst, Melbourne, Australia
I'm in lovewith hercharacterSamfrom
LipService,butshe'sa musiciantoo!
I'm a Iii wet overthis.....xoxo-Natasha
Rainbow-Rocket
Elliott
I always learn something when I read curve.
I usually find Victoria Brownworth's pieces
really fascinating and well-written, even
though I know that my world and hers are
very different. This latest piece [''Acts of
Violence;' 22#7], about the young lesbian
couple who was recently shot in Texas, was no
exception. On a lighter note, I really enjoyed
Rachel Shatto's piece on Heather Peace
["Peace of Her Heart"]! I hadn't even heard
of her, believe it or not, so again, I learned a lot.
She seems not only talented but also charming
and-dare I say it-really well-adjusted!
-Dave, Manhattan, N.Y.
By the Bi
Thankyoufor"NotJustA
Phase" [Vol. 22#6],
it brings to light a bit of truth that warrants a
close look at ourselves individually and as a
community. We all have our own normal and
if the LGBT community cannot find respect,
acceptance and equality within our own community can we find it anywhere2
- Jalene Eden, Sandstone, Minn.
Loveit!! I liveundera rockandjust
startedwatching.I immediatelynoticed
the hotdetectiveandwasso stokedto
seeheronthe cover(luckilythereis
maildeliveryunderthis rock).
-Shana O'Brien
Checkout Heatherin the series,Ultimate
Force!HardcoreSASBritishSpecial
Forces.Shejoinedfor the 3rd& 4th
series.Wow,gladshewasonthe good
guysside!-Stephanie DavyBarker
I'vedefinitelyfantasizedaboutthis one
in that copuniform!Excellentchoice,
ladies!!-Teresa Karson
Beyondhot.Andontop of beinghot
she'ssweet,kindanda bloodybrilliant
singer!-Aoife RoseCatherine
Heatheris amazing.Onstageandon
screen.Andthis month'scover,well,it's
the bestof both!!-Lisa Herrmann
Hot!Can'twait to readit!
-Frances Stevens
From the Trenches
When do
you feel
most
powerful
?
■
37% At work
31% At play
23% In bed
9% On stage
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
6
I curve
As a huge Lucy Lawless fan, I was delighted
to see her photo grace the cover of curve
[Vol. 22#6]. Surprisingly, for this lifelong
social worker, I was beyond delighted to read
of her very real appreciation of those of us
who work day in and day out in trenches of
Sendlettersto: curve magazine
POBox467,NewYork,NY10034
various justice professions. We typically remain
the unsung heroes. You made this social
worker's day! I smiled all the way to the office
with my copy of curve in tow!
-Amy Duemler, Phoenix
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EDITOR'S
NOTE
0
CTOBER
IS the best month of the year. Full disclosure:
It's my birthday month (why, thank you, it's nice to turn
39 ... again). October is also National Breast Cancer
Awareness Month, and I want to send a message of support
to all the breast cancer survivors out there. Curve readers are
with you and we wish you strength. We will survive!
October is also LGBT History Month, and if you visit
lgbthistorymonth.com, you can find ideas, resources and ways
to celebrate, as well as posters and bios of 31 icons from our
community, people who have made a difference in society.
And calling all closet~dwellers: Coming Out Day is October
11, so save the date. As an out lesbian, I advocate coming out
as a way to claim personal power. I know,
however, from personal experience that
coming out usually comes at a price. When
I came out to my mother, she didn't buy it:
It was just a phase, adolescent rebellion.
When I came out again in my 20s, in the
first flush of my first true love, she bought
it-and disowned me.
In the course of my life as a professional
lesbian, I have had many young people ask
me whether they should come out. My
answer is usually this: Yes, but be prepared
to lose something-a
parent, a sibling,
an employer, a friend-but
you will gain
something more important in return:
yoursel£ Truth be told, you only start to
come into your own once you reject the
disapproval of others.
This is our Power Issue-and a powerful
woman can be an uncomfortable concept. Men (and some
women) are not used to giving women power (and we're often
not good at claiming it).
If you're on Facebook or Twitter, you're no doubt aware of
the Texts From Hillary postings, in which real images of the
secretary of state, PDA in hand, are paired with captions and
images of everyone from Meryl Streep to Anna Wintour. Their
imaginary exchanges portray Clinton's seemingly effortless and
superior power plays via SMS. But I wonder if the Internet
would be as flattering to Clinton if she actually had become
president:'
This issue features the stories of women who have become
stronger for coming out and claiming their power: Karen
Williams, Kelli Carpenter, Nancy Sutley and Suze Orman.
After all, as our resident fashionistas Stella and Lucy say, Lez
Is More!
~~,_.
Merryn
Editor-i
merryn@curvemag.com
s I curve
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
OCTOBER 2012
I
LESBIAN
MAGAZINE
VOLUME 22 NUMBER 8
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenios
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Contributing Editors Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Stephanie Schroeder, Constance Parten
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
Editorial Assistants Adam Brinklow, Kim Hoffman
OPERATIONS
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
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ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Kathy Beige, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Maria De La 0,
Jill Goldstein, Lisa Gunther, Melany Joy Beck, Kristin Flickinger,
Gillian Kendall, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras
Lowrey, Jess McAvoy, Ariel Messman-Rucker, Emelina Minero,
Constance Parten, Laurie K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder,
Janelle Sorenson, Allison Steinberg, Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld,
Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes,
Syd London, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Constance Parten,
Leslie Van Stelten
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Volume 22 Issue 8 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published monthly (except for bimonthly
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Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part,
without written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any
persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an
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CONTRIBUTORS
JessMcAvoyhas spent the last 15 years documenting her
world through song, journals, paintings and photographs.
Most widely known as a solo live performer in her
native Australia, the prolific, self-managed artist decided
to spread her wings and move to Toronto last year.
Occasionally you can catch her playing packed-out gigs
in New York City at venues like The Living End. She
writes about music regularly for curve and this month
interviews fellow Aussie musician Butterfly Boucher on
page 76. 0essmcavoy.com)
VictoriaA. Brownworthis an award-winning journalist,
author and editor. Her work has appeared in the New York
Times, Village Voice, Chicago Sun-Times, Miami Herald,
Philadelphia Inquirer, Los Angeles Times, Baltimore Sun, the
Advocate, OUT, POZ and the Bay Area Reporter, among
others. Her series on homeless LGBT youth in Philadelphia
won the Society of Professional Journalists award as well
as the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association
award. She has been an editor for several publishing
houses and in 2010 she established Tiny Satchel Press,
an independent publisher of young adult books focused
on multicultural and LGBT inclusive writing. Her most
recent book From Where We Sit: Black Writers Write Black
Youth, has been nominated for the Coretta Scott King
Award. Her collection Tell Me Something Good: Talking
Black History, will be published in February 2013. Her
novella, Ordinary Mayhem, will be published in October in
Night Shadows. She is the founder of KITH (Kids in the
,o I curve
Hood), a mentoring program for inner city youth focused
on reading and writing, which will debut its first book in
November. She lives in Philadelphia with her partner, artist
Maddy Gold. (victoriabrownworth.com)
SarahToceis a respected journalist and editor located
in the Pacific Northwest. She is Co-Founder of TSL
Media and a graduate of the New York Conservatory of
Dramatic Arts. Her high-profile features have become the
center of numerous publications throughout the United
States. Recently, she reported on the Windy City Times'
AIDS @ 30 series, which won the prestigious Peter
Lisagor Award from the Chicago Headline Club, and
was nominated for a national Gay and Lesbian Alliance
Against Defamation (GLAAD) Award, in the same category with The New York Times and The Boston Globe.
Read her interview with financial maven Suze Orman on
page 56. ( theseattlelesbian.com)
SydLondon
holds a deep reverence for the potential power
of the photographic image. Her passion is telling stories
of subcultures that are often ignored, misunderstood
or shunned by society. She strives to communicate the
visceral moments of what is ultimately a shared human
experience. Currently, London is based in Brooklyn,
N.Y. working as a freelance assignment photographer
and photojournalist while building her own projects and
documentaries. Installations of her work have been seen
in Rome, Italy and New York City. (sydlondon.com) ■
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Bold As Brass
Step aside Merida, there's a new adventuress in town-and
unlike Brave'swild~haired heroine, this one plays for our
team. The Legendof Bold Riley,a new graphic novel by Leia
Weathington, is a collection of tales that follow the fantastical
exploits of the beautiful princess Rilavashana SanPariteaka Bold Riley-who forfeits her birthright for a chance at
adventure. Along the way she goes toe~to~to with all manner
of mythical critters, demons, ghost and even gods.
Part Sinbad, part Mulan, this sword and sorcery epic
swept us off our feet with its plucky female protagonist and
its gorgeous illustrations that demand to be lovingly lingered
over as each of the tales unfold. Clocking in at over 200
pages and featuring the artwork of Jason Thompson, Kelly
McKlellan and Konstantin Pogorelov, this is an appropriately
grand treatment for what no doubt will become your new
favorite comic.
TheLegendof BoldRileyfeels a bit like a
Ray Harryhausen film put on the printed
page, its tales brimming with fantastical
characters and creatures inspired by classic
tales like Gilgamesh and Beowul£ as well
as Indian and Mesoamerican myths. But
unlike the protagonists of the stories that
inspired it, this series' queer heroine
is just as comfortable slaying beasts as she is wooing the
ladies, so it's little surprise that Bold Riley has been hailed
as a feminist fairytale.
This swashbuckling adventure is a thrilling romp through
a world we hope to visit again and again. For fans of comics,
don't hesitate to add The Legend of Bold Riley to your col~
lection-and for those new to the medium it's an excellent
[RachelShatto]
introduction. (boldriley.com)
This swashbucklingadventureis
a thrillingromp througha world
we hope to visitagain and again.
October 2012
I 13
CURVATURES
1. IT'SELECTRIC
WearyourPinkPridewith a
CasaPorVidafor Wake-Up
CallTee.Theirtop-selling
teesare goingneonpinkfor
October.RealL Wordstar Romi
Klinger'sbrandis inspiredby
herfamily,her "housefor life,"
and 10 percentof salesgoes
to breastcancerresearch.
($26,wakeupcalltees.com)
[KimHoffman]
2. WATCH
WORD
RumbaTime's
Delancey
Cotton
Candywatchis a sweetand
timelywayto pushfor a cure.
Onsaleall year,becausethere's
nevera badtimeto supporta
greatcause.($45,Rumba
Time.com)
[AdamL.Brinklow]
3. LAVIEENROSE
WineMefounderRebecca
Surianohascreatedpinkstems
in honorof hergrandmother,
a breastcancersurvivor
Thislimited-edition
runof 31
glasses-onefor eachdayof
the month-will send25 percent
of all salesto research.
($35,
winemecompany.com)
[KH]
4. BALANCED
APPROACH
Keepputtingonefoot in frontof
the otherin yourNewBalance
615 LaceUpfor the Cure
runningshoes.NewBalance
donates5 percentof the retail
priceto cancerresearch.
($55,newbalance.com)
[ALB]
5. GENEROUS
LIPS
SkinnCosmetics'
TwinSet
Collagen
BoostLipstickandWet
Glossin PinkTulipgivesyoulips
that reallysay"Wow,"andevery
pennyof eachsalegoesstraight
to breastcancerresearch.
($19,skinn.com)[ALB]
6. PRETTY
IN PINK
Decorate
yourcheekswith
BobbiBrown'sPinkPeony
set,and$10 perpurchase
will
goto breastcancerresearch.
Peonies
representgood
fortune-great symbolism
for
an evenbettercause.($45,
bobbibrowncosmetics.com)
[KH]
1O.CHIC
CURE
ThePlatinumEditionFauvette
BirdSpeakerfromchicBuds
is compatible
with youriPod,
iPhone,computer-andthe
questfor a cure,with 20
percentof salesgoing
to cancerresearch.
($40,
chicbuds.com)
[ALB]
7. REALSTEEL
Hearthat?That'sthesoundof 10
percentof yourpurchase
price
of a SteelSeries
PinkSiberia
V2headsetgoingto theBreast
CancerResearch
Foundation.
($90,
steelseries.com)
[RachelShatto]
11. SOLIDARITY
SHADES
Glamupyourgivingspirit
with retro-inspired
shadesfrom
UniqueVintage.Notonlyare
theTresA-Go-Go
sunglasses
adorable,
but20 percentof all
proceeds
goesto the National
BreastCancerFoundation.
($90,unique-vintage.com)
[RS]
8. BEOURGUEST
Getacquainted
withthe new,
steamylesbianmovieTheGuest
House,for a goodcause.Wolfe
Videois donating1Opercent
of its DVDsalesonthisflick to
the LesbianHealth& Research
Center.
($20,wolfevideo.com)
[KH]
9. STRUMFORLIFE
Youdon'thaveto bea hipsteror
a Hawaiianmusicaficionado
to
appreciate
the KohalaRainbow
Seriesukulele.That'sbecause
20 percentof thisfour-stringed
beauty'spurchasepricegoesto
breastcancerresearch.
Sounds
prettysweetto us! ($120,
musicarts.com)
[RS]
12. BUZZ-WORTHY
BENEVOLENCE
Fightingbreastcancerhas
neverfelt betterthanwith
Babeland's
Powerto the Pink
gift setwhichturns1Opercent
of the purchasepriceoverto
theYoungSurvivalCoalition.
No
onesaidgivingbackcouldn'tbe
sexy!($94,babeland.com)
[RS]
CD
October 2012
I 15
CURVATURES
the rundown
CearaSturgis,represented by TheSouthern
Poverty
LawCenter,is threatening
to sue the Mississippi
Agriculture
andForestry
Museumif they don't allow
Sturgis and her partner EmilyKeyto hold a commitment ceremony at
the museum. The museum, which is state~owned, refused to allow two
men to have a ceremony on site earlier this year, and cite 2009 opinion
of Attorney
General,
JimHoodwhich says such ceremonies could be
declined because same~sex marriage is banned in Mississippi. Sturgis, now 20, sued
her school district in 2010 after she was left out of the high school yearbook for wearing a tuxedo ... In a new
book MarilynMonroe:
Mylittle Secretauthor TonyJerrisalleges that 1950s actor MarilynMonroehad a lesbian affair with Jane
Lawrence-whowas 16 at the time-after
the two became close through a shared troubled childhood which included having
been at the same orphanage. "Jane always struggled with her sexuality, she talked to Marilyn about this many times and she
was very understanding. She told her,'Whatever your sexual preference is, it means nothing-love
is love;" says Jerris in
the new book ... A 33~year~old lesbian in Lincoln,
Neb.was attacked in her home by three masked men. The attackers bound
her wrists and ankles with zip ties, and carved anti~gay slurs into her body including the word "Dyke'' before vandalizing
her home and setting it on fire. Police say they cannot yet determine if it was a hate crime, though Lincoln Mayor Chris
Beutlerhas denounced the crime as just that ... The Forum, a NorthDakotanewspaper, is reviewing its policies around
same~sex wedding announcements after receiving an outpouring of criticism when they refused an announcement from
lesbian couple AllisonJohnson
and Kelsey
Smith.The couple posted a screenshot of an email from the paper and it went viral
on the Internet, which included the creation of a petition
at Change.org, which has gathered over 2,000 signatures
in support of the couple. Johnson and Smith plan to be
married in N.Y.C
.... A 16~year~old lesbian whose name has
not been released and her two friends were brutally beaten
in Louisville,
Ky.by four adults shouting anti~gay slurs. The
men beat her to the ground, repeatedly kicked her in the
stomach, broke her jaw and knocked out several teeth. The
two boys she was with attempted to defend her and called
911, but were also beaten. [Sassafras
Lowrey]
You know what reallyconveys
power? Boldness!It doesnjt
get much bolderthan this
cap sleevetee from Dyke
Tees. So let your flamer
flag fly!($25,dyketees.com)
(jJ
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16
I curve
OUTINFRONT
Long-Term
Commitments
Fighting for change is a lifetime
goal of these two lesbians.
By Sheryl Kay
Family Circle
There have been some radical changes for
gave birth
LGBT parents since RachelEpstein
to her own child 20 years ago-changes that
are due to the hard work she's been engaged
m ever smce.
It all started in Toronto, Canada, in 1997,
when Epstein co,founded a program called
Dykes Planning Tykes, which then engen,
dered Daddies & Papas 2B, Trans masculine
People Considering Pregnancy, and Queer &
Trans Family Planning(s)."I became aware of
how little information is out there for queer
people who want to have children, how isolated
some people continue to be, and how much we
need community as we bring children into our
lives;' Epstein says.
Today, Epstein coordinates the LGBTQ
Parenting Connection. Based in Toronto,
this dynamic, multifaceted program supports
parents, children and the greater commu,
nity. Most recently, she's collaborated with
filmmaker Remy Huberdeau to produce
Traniforming Family, a short movie that intro,
duces the issues facing trans parents, and she's
worked on a project funded by the Canadian
Institutes of Health Research in which she
interviews LGBT people across Ontario
about their experiences with fertility clinics.
Given her extensive experience with LGBT
families, Epstein is frustrated by those who
say that children raised in such families unduly
suffer because they have parents of the same
gender. Noting the defensive position the gay
community has had to adopt for decades,
having to prove that our kids turn out
"normal"-that
is, just like kids who grow
up in heterosexual families-Epstein
says
the focus must now change. "I am way more
interested in recent research that explores the
differences, the unique opportunities that may
exist for kids growing up in our families-like
awareness and openness to social diversity of
all kinds, less gender stereotyping, higher self,
esteem and more equal parenting" she says.
To those who continue to propound the
farcical notion that the children of LGBT
families are disadvantaged, Epstein suggests
that they take an educational moment. "Open
your hearts and minds and learn from LGBT
families;' she says. "We are not perfect, we
struggle like everyone else, but perhaps there
are some powerful lessons to learn from fami,
lies ... who are challenging traditional notions
of family in creative and exciting ways:'
On the Page
HeidiShinkhas worn more different hats than
the Queen of England-and, fashion aside, in
her own royal way she excels at all she does.
From the early 1990s, when she sang and
played guitar beside Chas (then Chastity)
Bono in the band Ceremony, until today, when
her current positions include Human Services
commissioner for West Hollywood, co,chair
of Outreach for the Stonewall Democrats
and board member of the National Gay and
Lesbian Victory Fund, Shink has devoted
more than 20 years to community activism,
advocating for women, the LGBT commu,
nity, the environment and labor unions.
Somewhere in the midst of those years,
she also served as senior producer at the E!
Entertainment Network, helped launch Cher.
com and co,authored a couple of books.
Much of her energy and dedication dates
back to her younger days. After she announced
to her very unreceptive parents that she was a
lesbian, Shink was kicked out of her house.
Essentially homeless, she moved into a
friend's dorm room in Manhattan, lived as
an out,and,proud gay woman and became
a devoted member of the group ACT UP.
"Being involved in political activism gave
me a constructive place to vent my anger
at homophobia, both familial and societal;'
she says. "More than just giving me purpose
in those early out days, it gave me hope,
strength and the courage to lead:' (She has
since reunited with her folks, who are now
are very involved with PFLAG.)
While she feels that the LGBT community
has made some strides, significant hurdles
still remain, not the least of which concern
finances. She notes that lesbians still have to
work harder, and are paid less than men for
doing the same job. She recalls her own recent
experience of being turned down by numer,
ous publishing houses, after a manuscript of
hers had been well received by several editor
acquaintances. She suspected that gender
might be an issue, so she changed the name
under which she had been submitting the
work, using only her first two initials.
"Guess what?" she says. "I got an agent!
And my acceptance letter read, 'Dear Mr.
Shink: Mister, ha! But there you have it. The
proof is in the misogyny:'
Shink says there is no better time than now
to take up the good fight. "We inch forward
while we also take many steps back;' she says.
"That's why I remain so active in politics. You
can't let your guard down for a second:' ■
October 2012
I 19
LESBOFILE
Keeping Busy Cat is celebrated, Kesha ties the knot,
and Amber and Tasya are still on. By Jocelyn Voo
This is What a
Transfeminist
Looks Like
Though, up to this
point, largely overshadowed by more visible
trans celebs (paging Chaz Bono), Stephen
Ira Beatty, trans son of Warren Beatty and
Annette Bening, recently made waves with
an illuminating video sent to online com~
munity We Happy Trans.
In his homemade video, Beatty dishes
on his role models, aspirations and biggest
supporters. Of the latter, most notably it's
not his Hollywood parents. It's his peers,
who have supported him since he started
transitioning at 14-a refreshing take from
the typical high school bully rap. So per~
haps that's why he's spreading the love: "I
am going to have babies! And give them
onesies with 'This Is What AT ransfeminist
Looks Like' on them!"
Strong words from a self~described "trans
man, a faggy queen, a homosexual, a queer,
a nerd fighter, a writer, an artist and a guy
who needs a haircut"-and we're all for it.
20
I curve
She Who Gives Away the Bride
What's even better than getting hitched
to the love of your life? Having Kesha
perform the commitment ceremony.
The "Tik Tok" pop singer, who happens
to also be an ordained minister, sealed the
deal for two of her dose lady friends in
California this past June. Sadly, no reports
of typical Kesha shenanigans of the "drank
so much I puked in a closet" variety, like she
did at Paris Hilton's house. We thought
we'd never say it-but we're glad Kesha's
being a little conservative-just this once.
Homewrecker Heard?
Much hubbub has been
swirling about the Johnny
Depp/Vanessa Paradis split,
with tabloids now linking
the dreamboat actor with
The Rum Diary co~star
(and out bisexual actor)
Amber Heard. However,
according to the Daily Mail
(and its paparazzi proof),
Amber
Heard
Heard looks to be still with longtime
photographer girlfriend Tasya van Ree,
both appearing in good spirits and palling
about with Heard's adorable Yorkshire
terrier, Pistol.
Look, we know Depp's been crowned
Sexiest Man Alive before ... but have you
seen van Reer
The Big Cheese
For an industry that's widely known for its
male dominance, it's always more than a
pleasure to see a woman rise to the top. In
this case, it's famed chef Cat Cora
who is being inducted into the
American Culinary Federation's
American Academy of Chefs Hall
of Fame as 2012's Celebrated
Che£ Small potatoes? For Cora,
a woman who operates multiple
restaurants,
co~hosts
foodie
reality show Around the World
in 80 Plates and still has time to
parent four young boys with her
longtime partner, we think not. ■
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She Said
Help! I'm Attracted to Women and Men!
Just relax and focus on the journey. By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I am confused. I find myself
attracted to certain characteristics of a person, never
mind whether it's a boy or a girl. I have no idea who I
am, or what I like. Right now, I have a huge crush on
this woman, but I'm lost beyond that. I don't even know
what I'm writing anymore. Help! -In the Dark in Detroit
Lipstick:
If all our inhibitions were stripped
away, many people wouldn't know whether
to pick up men or women, and, in turn,
whether to pick up the swimsuit issue of
Sports Illustrated or People's"Sexiest Man
Alive:' All mammals are bisexual creatures.
Maybe insects, too.
Dipstick:
Well, I wouldn't go quite that far,
Lipstick. And insects? Really?
Lipstick:Dark in Detroit, you just haven't
found your compass yet. Here's why:
Sexuality is a moving target, so it's hard
to nail, so to speak, especially when you're
just beginning your sexpedition. Likewise,
it changes its colors with the day, even the
hour, depending on a myriad of influences,
including hormones-and
if you've had
the Kusshi oysters for lunch.
Dipstick:
No, Lipstick, I pretty much knew
where I wanted to point my arrow since
I was old enough to hold a bow in my
hand. But I will agree that it's not that easy
for everyone else to figure out. Also, it's
important to note that sexual orientation
is different from sexual attraction. I might
look at Johnny Depp and think he's hot (he
kind of looks like a girl, doesn't he?), but
that doesn't mean I want what's under his
swimsuit. What makes someone a lesbian,
or bisexual, or straight, is not who she likes
to look at, but who she wants to bring
home and make a life with.
22
I curve
Lipstick:Who said anything about sexual
orientation? Detroit is lost at a fundamental
level-attraction-and
that is the advice
I'm throwing down here. Detroit, don't
worry about finding your destination right
now, just focus on the journey and opening
yourself up.
night? While you're there, your first intention should be to meet new cronies, not
find a girlfriend-so leave your wrestling
singlet and headgear at home. These new
friends will likely have an endless lesbianic
network, which you could soon be a part 0£
Know going in, however, that there will be
no welcoming party and dyke packs tend to
be tough to break into. Play pool, be sociable
and make an effort, but remember that there
is a fine line between being enthusiastic and
being aggressive. The latter will turn off a
potential pal as quickly as it will scare off a
potential lover, so be chill, and move on if
there aren't any friendly sparks.
DearLipstickand Dipstick:I am 29, and my
(nowex) girlfriend,
Patrice,
is 32. Shortlyafter
wegottogether,
sheinformed
methatshewas
DearLipstickand Dipstick:I've beenin the tryingto get pregnant-thenaturalway.She
she'swanted
closetfor28 years.I'm now37.HowcanI find claimedthatthis is something
otherwomenlikeme?-Head in theClouds for a longtime,andthat she'snot goingto
waitfora long-term,
seriousrelationship
with
Dipstick:
Welcome to the real world, little anotherwomanin orderto pursuepregnancy
I am not interestedin or
chicken. So glad you finally stepped out of and motherhood.
readyto havechildren
yet,soI toldPatricethat
that musty coop. Take a few deep breaths,
betweenuswasnotpossible.
flap your feathers, put your face to the sun, a relationship
Afterseveralweeksof spending
considerand claim your space in the world.Just start
the two of us
walking down the street. Look women in ableamountsof timetogether,
anyway,and she
the eye. Smile at them. Tell them they look settledinto a relationship
pretty. Skip your merry little heart down to toldmethatshelovedme.Duringthisperiod
oftime,shecontinued
sleeping
witha stranger
your local gay watering hole, community
center, poetry slam or lube wrestling party, she'dmetontheInternet,in hopesthatshe'd
get pregnant,
despitemy attemptsandpleas
and jump right in.
to getherto stop.
After five monthsof this, I finallybroke
Lipstick:You've been in the closet for 28
thingsoff with her,sayingthat our priorities
years? There must be quite the pent-up
andrestating
thatI did
dyke in there! Based on that, I like Dipstick's wereclearlydifferent,
wrestling party idea. Before you lube your- not want childrenrightnow.Withindaysof
our breakup,shesleptwith Mr. InternetGuy
self up, though, you should learn some
new moves, like the Flapping Merkin, the againandfinallygotpregnant.
Myexisnotemotionally
orfinancially
stable
Iron Fist of Hummus and the Outback
Hatchback Slam. They may help you score enoughto gothroughthisrightnow,evenin
thecontextof a lovingrelationship,
muchless
some points.
As for where to meet women outside the on her own.Sheis upsetthat I am notsuprink, why not hit the queer bars on ladies' portiveof her choice,doesnot understand
clrck
away
whyI feelhurtandbetrayed,
andcannotsee
whata difficultsituationsheis puttingherselfandherunborn
childin.DoI tryto beher
friendthroughthis,eventhoughI amdevastatedandappalled,
or doI cutoffall contact
withherandwalkaway?-Mind-Boggled
in
theMidwest
a:
w
~
a:
if
w
c3
(!}
<(
~
Dipstick:
How dare she! The nerve ofherpursuing her dreams after you showed
up and told her they were a bad idea.
Keep telling her what an irresponsible
person she is and how she's not prepared
to be a parent. That will show her! And
when the baby comes and she's having a
sleep~deprived mental breakdown, walking
blearily through life covered in mashed
carrots and spit~up, don't offer to do the
laundry for her, walk the dog, or drive her
to a doctor's appointment. Instead, drive
by her house with your pals and laugh at
the sorry state her yard is in, and throw
a fast~food bag out your car window to
add to the overgrown mess. Don't show
up with a casserole, or offer to babysit,
or run to the store for groceries. Nope,
sit back with a cold beer and gloat in all
your glory. You're right, after all, and she's
wrong! So there!
Lipstick:Wow, Dip, did you have a Red
Bull before working on this question?
Mind~ Boggled, you need to pick up
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
You're addicted to trying to save/fix
Patrice, so you've made one bad decision
after another. She made her intentions
clear in the beginning. You told her you
didn't want kids, so the relationship wasn't
possible, but you lezzied out and settled
into one anyway. You were aghast when
she continued screwing the sperminator,
yet you lay in that bed for five months.
I'm glad you finally came to your senses
and ended it. How can you continue do~
ing the same thing and expect a different
outcome? My advice (to paraphrase the
subtitle of Beattie's book) is: Stop trying
to control others and instead start caring
for yoursel£ ■
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curvemag.com
ADVICE Fitness
A Bigger Body of Benefits
How fitness contributes to a healthy pregnancy.
By Jill Sloane Goldstein
I recently saw a news story about a fitness
trainer who willingly stopped working out
and gained nearly 72 pounds in order to
experience the arduous process of weight
loss. His aim was to acquire a better under,
standing of his clients' plight. Quite the
emotional and physical undertaking that
not many people can understand and even
fewer would be willing to do. But what
struck me about his story was not the
"stunt" he was pursuing but the insights he
was stumbling upon throughout his journey.
One of his biggest realizations was what
the body was and was not capable of under
its new physical conditions. His motives
and tactics aside, I began to understand
the concept.
I am currently 8 months pregnant. It is
the most beautiful and rewarding journey
I've ever been on (only to be rivaled by actu,
ally raising my son,to,be). But very honestly,
it's also the most difficult. As a fitness
enthusiast, I was very overwhelmed in the
beginning as my body began to change and
my capabilities in the gym began to wane.
Slowly, but surely, the abdominal muscles
I slaved for were being taken over by my
belly's ongoing expansion. My thighs began
to show signs of the "dreaded" stretch marks.
My breasts grew (and grew and grew) and
became heavier than some of the dumb,
bells I'd lift during bicep routines at the
gym. And my top,notch running endurance
became something of a distant memory. I
was growing and changing daily and the
activities and benefits I enjoyed for nearly
20 years were no longer my realities. As
superficial as it sounds, it wasn't initially
easy for me. I struggled with the adjust,
ments both physically and emotionally. But
with one ultrasound, where I got to "meet"
my little boy and fully see his little precious
body developing within mine, everything
changed. I was overcome with a true under,
standing of this profound transformation.
My priorities suddenly shifted from better,
ing my body to perfecting his.
I was resigned to hanging up my running
shoes till the late fall, when the unexpected
24
I curve
The healthyand
efficientheart
functionof regular
exerciserscan
directlyand
positivelyimpact
the heart healthof
the fetus.
happened. My OBGYN insisted I keep
exercising, citing a plethora of benefits it
would bring to my pregnancy. For start,
ers, it would not only help stabilize my
new hormonal moods, but it would boost
my plunging energy levels. Maintaining
a strong cardiovascular and muscle sys,
tern would mean I'd require less energy
to do normal everyday tasks. Anyone
who's experienced their first trimester
knows that something that once seemed
so simple like grocery shopping can be
utterly exhausting! So restored energy
was a gift. Regular exercise that stretches
and strengthens would also help my body
cope better with aches, pains and other
uncomfortable symptoms of pregnancy
while also promoting better sleep patterns.
Furthermore, it could lower my risk of ges,
tational diabetes and pregnancy,induced
hypertension.
I also learned of the oh,so appealing
benefit of exercise actually making my pre/
post and actual delivery easier. The more
strength (i.e. back, abdominal, leg mus,
des) and stamina I had going into labor,
the shorter the time it would potentially
take me to deliver the baby. Moreover, the
strength would significantly reduce my
postpartum recovery time. Muscle memory
from my prenatal fitness would help me
physically regain my pre,pregnancy body
while ingrained exercise habits would assist
me mentally. Hearing those words from
my doctor's mouth nearly threw me into a
set of lunges in his office.
But what truly solidified my ongoing
commitment to the gym and staying fit
~
w
_J
z
w
CJ
during a time that could easily be spent
sedentary and snacking was learning that
my little boy~to~be could also reap the
rewards of my continued sweat. Research
has shown that the healthy and efficient
heart function of regular exercisers can
directly and positively impact the heart
health of the fetus. Additionally, studies
have shown that women who exercise during
pregnancy are more likely to give birth to
babies with healthier weights-meaning,
not too large.
With a long~standing affinity for fitness
and tremendous health incentives for me
and my baby, staying on an exercise path
these past eight months proved feasible.
But lower energy levels, increased weight,
decreased mobility and a few new aches
posed some challenges. Working out requires
a much stronger mental willpower than it
had in the past-despite
my initial hope
that having two beating hearts in my body
would somehow make it all easier!
That wasn't the only adjustment needed.
I also had to shift my game plan to uncov~
ering the kinds of exercises I could safely
incorporate into my pregnancy-focusing
on staying healthy and fit versus ripped
and unstoppable. It would necessitate less
intensity and a significant variance on both
cardio and weight training activities.
As it turns out, my growing physique
and new fitness approach has brought me
a whole new set of benefits and pleasures
that six~packs and tight glutes can't hold a
candle to. ■
PREGNANCYFITTIPS
Swimming is one of the best and
safest exercises you can do while
pregnant. This no-impact workout
engages both large and small muscle
groups (arms and legs) and provides
excellent cardiovascular benefits,
improving your circulation, strength
and endurance. Moreover, the buoyancy of the water takes the pressure
off of your joints and makes your
growing body feel light and weightless. So get wet and get moving. Just
30 minutes of laps (stroke of your
choice) is an excellent way to stay
healthy, strong and fit. The first few
laps are the most challenging and
may leave you discouraged but stick
with it. Your muscles and lungs will
adapt and the exercise will get more
manageable. (swimoutlet.com offers
great maternity one-piece suits).
Cycling is also great cardio exercise
for pregnancy that can give you a
strenuous workout. A stationary bike
is optimal, as it eliminates your risk of
falling (during pregnancy, your center
of gravity shifts and could affect your
balance). Try not to coast through on
very low levels throughout-which
is
easy to do on the bike-or you won't
receive the full fitness benefits. You
must include resistance and intervals
to challenge your muscles, otherwise
the body won't respond. The bike
supports your weight, so there's less
stress on your body.
Walking/Jogging/Running
maintain good cardiovascular
health and work the muscles
throughout your body. But
with added weight and
greater risks from pregnancy,
precautions need to be taken.
It is imperative that you
listen to your body, stay well
hydrated, avoid overheating
and monitor your heart rate
closely. If you were a runner
prior to pregnancy (and
have your doctor's blessing)
there is no reason you can't
continue. But be prepared
to revise your routine-daily.
Goal planning can be a lesson
in futility because your energy
levels vary day to day.
Walking can be started at
any point during pregnancy,
suiting women of different
fitness levels. It's not jarring
on the joints, can be done almost
anywhere and builds endurance that
you'll appreciate in labor.
it's not recommended to do stomach
exercises on your back after your first
trimester, you can do the plank and
side plank for 30-60 seconds.
Ab Workouts Believe it or not, you
still have ample stomach muscles
behind that beautiful growing belly
and they can be your best friend.
Safely maintaining a strong core
can aid in delivery, ensure a more
comfortable pregnancy as backaches
prevail and even help you regain
your lean look soon after birth. While
According to The American College
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists,
becoming active and exercising at least
30 minutes on most, if not all, days can
benefit your health during pregnancybut only if you are free of medical and
pregnancy complications. Make sure to
consult your doctor before starting or
continuing any fitness regimen.
October 2012
I 25
Marlee and Tully
Marlee Walchuk and Tully Callender balance marriage, music, a new book and running
Right0ut1V, their global music video awards. By Merryn Johns
How they met
Marlee:We met in Sydney, Australia in 200 L I had gone there to
pursue a relationship with another woman who I had met through
Aussie friends and Tully was a good friend of hers.
Tully:I had just married a lovely man and had never been in a
lesbian relationship or even thought about it.
Marlee:The four of us went to dinner one night. Tully and I had
an instant spark as friends and we found we had many things in
common. She had played music her whole life and I had been a
professional musician since I was 14. She had lived in Canada for a
year and loved my hometown. We talked all night about music and
Vancouver. I'm sure our partners were totally bored!
Tully:Even though we had a strong connection, we didn't consider
the possibility of being together for another five years.
26
I curve
On making art together
Tully:Eight months after becoming a couple we moved back to
Canada. We had jammed together at parties in Australia but once
we settled in Vancouver we started to look at doing music together
professionally.
Marlee:One afternoon I came up with an idea for the chorus for "I
Just Love Girls" and brought it home to see what Tully thought. She
started plucking out some melodies under my lyrics and before we
knew it, we had written our first song together.
Tully:We knew early on that we had a great combination of creative
and business skills so working together was inevitable. We recorded
our first EP two months later and in July 2007 Sugarbeach was born.
On living and working together
Marlee:I would say if there is one challenge, it's that we have to
I believethat you know
you're with the right
personif you are able
to be, create, grow,
learnand achieveso
much more than you
can on your own.
work at taking breaks from our projects and music to
just be a couple. We try to keep our relationship as the
first priority. Sunday is our day. We sleep in, cook, talk,
play and we try to get away for an occasional weekend
on an island without our computers.
Tully:Honestly, it was like we had always been together,
it was easy and all we wanted to do was be with each
other and work together. Is that too nauseating?
Why they work so well together
Marlee:When you start a working relationship with this much
love, there's no competing. We also have the same crazy work
ethic, which makes it all so much easier.
Tully:We both have different roles and different skill sets so
whether we're writing, recording, marketing or trying to create
more exposure for artists on RightOut TV, we rarely cross over on
the same task. One thing we do well together is strategize. We talk
constantly about what insane, completely unrealistic idea we're
going to do next and how we're going to do it.
How they resolve differences
Marlee:We've never had a fight. That was one of the things that
prompted us to create a relationship workshop along with our
performance at the National Women's Music Festival this year. We
really analyzed what we were doing that was making this journey
together so peaceful and happy. We do disagree on occasion but
we try to express our opinions without hysterics and huge emo~
tion. We talk everything out calmly and circumvent any potential
drama without suppressing anything.
Tully:I have a process that I go through before I respond, if Marlee
says that she is unhappy about something related to me. I go through
each of these steps and it stops a potential fight every time: I ask
mysel£ Is she right? Is what she said fair or justified? Do I just feel
like a fight-or does sher Am I really interested in her not feeling
upset? Is it really about something else? By approaching an issue
this way we avoid saying hurtful things that can never be taken back.
How their workshops can help other couples
Marlee:After creating our workshop we realized that we do have
some valuable info to share so we are in the process of writing a
book on what we've learned. Tully has a degree in psychology and
both of us are voracious readers of anything that helps us to grow as
people and as a couple. Were covering everything from introversion
vs. extraversion to lesbian bed death. We give examples through
our stories and those of our friends-of course we've changed their
names or they'd kill us! If any of your readers would like to be noti~
fied of the book's release, or where we may be presenting workshops,
they can email us at productionspink@gmail.com.
Why they married
Marlee:I'm sure our getting married might seem strange especially
considering that Tully had just left a marriage. Once I realized I
was gay, I had deleted the possibility of ever marrying; in fact I
wasn't even sure I believed in it. All of that changed when we got
together and I knew that I had waited my whole life for a love
like this and I was so fortunate to have it. I proposed less than a
year after we got together, at the top of Grouse Mountain with
one knee in the snow, crying my eyes out ... I'm surprised she
understood a word I said.
Tully:I believe that you know you're with the right person if you
are able to be, create, grow, learn and achieve so much more than
you can on your own. Getting married just seemed to make sense
to me. Once we were married we had a sense of people taking
our relationship much more seriously, perhaps because we legally
committed in a way that they understood and viewed as some~
thing to be respected. (sugarbeachmusic.com) ■
October 2012
I 27
LAUGH
TRACK
Comedy With Clout
Stand-up comic and inspirational speaker Karen Williams shares her power with the people
(while cracking them up). By Jillian Eugenios
Karen Williams has been performing stand-up since the 1980s,
and she isn't slowing down. I caught her just as she was about to
run out the door for a night out on the town with one of Bob
Marley's former backup singers, Sister Carol. Williams certainly
deserved a night off. She had just hopped off the boat from performances on an Olivia cruise through Scandinavia, and was busy
planning three birthday parties, all on the same weekend and all
on her own, with one benefiting the local LGBT center near her
home in Cleveland, Ohio. We caught up to talk funny business,
the power in laughter and just who she met at a Black Panther
meeting when she was a teen.
Whenyou'renotperforming
comedy
you'rehosting
motivational
seminars
at yourHahaInstitute.
Whatdoyouteachpeople
there?
I've been interested in power dynamics all my life. What causes
people a great deal of stress, anxiety and pain are power dynamics
that are abusive. So whether it's in the family or work dynamic,
or however it's manifesting, people get very uncomfortable with
power. The reality is that you have to have a sense of your own
personal power to have an impact.
Whatexactlydo youteachpeopleabouttheirownpowerandhowis
powerconnected
to laughter?
I have a lot of confidence that people want to be happy, and that
they're hopeful the actions they take will bring them towards their
happiness. [The Haha Institute] is like having a guide along the
way. I tell people, "Maybe if you try this it might work better than
that;' or, "I think you can do this;' and, "Let's laugh about that:' For
me, the power of compassion, the power of kindness, the power
of empathy really resonates with my life and I think that's a lot of
what I'm sharing with people.
You'rein your40thyearof practicing
Buddhism.
Howwouldyousay
Buddhism
hasinfluenced
yourcomedy?
Prior to practicing I was just having angry responses to the abuses
that were taking place, whether they were cultural in society or
whether it was personal. For women in particular we don't have a
lot of outlets for our anger so a lot of it gets turned inward. I was
definitely on that path where my anger was being turned against
myself and that's not productive. People say when I first started
performing I was so angry. And I don't take offense to it. Yeah, I
was angry. There is shit to be angry about, but I don't want to be so
angry that I can't take constructive action.
Would
youcountyourstand-up
asconstructive
action?
I credit two things for my own salvation: the chanting related to the
2s
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Buddhist practice I do, and the craft of comedy. They gave me an
outlet for expression of that pain and anger. I could see that there
was something wrong. I was wondering, "Does anyone else see it?
If they see it how come they're not speaking about it?" Without
[chanting and comedy] I would've just imploded. Fortunately
there's a lot of self-discovery in the process-but
I also had really
good teachers.
Bothin Buddhism
andincomedy?
In life. When I was 14 I remember going to a Black Panther
meeting in Brooklyn and seeing Kathleen Cleaver. A beautiful,
articulate, brown-skinned woman talking about rights and
peace and empowerment. I was like, "Wow, who is this?" At 14!
(hahainstitute.com) ■
SCENE
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New York City lesbians in the Pride limelight.
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Chely Wright and Lauren Blitzer attended the screening of
Chely Wright: Wish Me Away in New York City at Quad
Cinema on June 1 with producer~directors Beverly Kopf
and Bobbie Birleffi. On June 12, in celebration of Pride
month, Speaker Christine C. Quinn and New York City
council members honored Dee Rees, director of the film
Pariah.Whoopi Goldberg was emcee and the Broadway cast
of SisterAct gave a special performance. On June 22, also in
N.Y.C., in a SoHo penthouse, LGBT networkers dot429
held their Pride celebration attended by Jane Velez~Mitchell
and lesbians~about~town with the price of admission benefit~
ing Newfest, the New York LGBT Film Festival. ■
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October 2012
I 29
:Howonelesbjanfoughtmental
Hlnessand Hvedto tell the tale.
By Victoria A. Brownwodh
NEOFTHEFIRSTthings you notice about Stephanie
Schroeder is that she's not crazy. Centered, focused,
funny, with a souNon of self-deprecation, she tells
her story of mental illness, attempted suicide and
a late-in-life diagnosis of bipolar disorder with a wry honesty
and humor that supports, rather than belies, her success in
dealing with the struggles she's been through.
In her newly released memoir, Beautiful Wreck: Sex, Lies
& Suicide,Schroeder tells the harrowing tale of her spiral
into severe, debilitating, suicidal depression. And while that
story may seem like one we've heard before, it isn't. Schroeder
is a lesbian and she isn't just revealing the brutal and painful
details of her own life-she's illuminating a larger picture:
the sometimes toxic lesbian community in which boundaries
can be virtually nonexistent and women regularly mistake the
abusive behavior of their partners for eccentricity or, what's
worse, the norm.
Schroeder's story is as much about the hidden world of
lesbian domestic abuse-physical and psychological-as it is
about the hidden world of mental illness in America.
The background to Schroeder's experience is all around us,
but written in invisible ink. We hear a lot about the most
extreme cases of mental illness in America: the Dark Knight
killer in Aurora, Colo., the man who shot Rep. Gabby Giffords
in Tucson, Ariz., the mass murderer at Virginia Tech. These
killers all suffered from untreated mental illness so severe that
it provoked a psychotic episode. More often, though, people
with mental illness seem basically OK, capable of going to
work and living life day-to-day while they try to cope with
depression, anxiety or more.
According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA),
one in 10 Americans battle depression
and one in six battle some other form of
by swallowjngseveralhundredpHls:
mental illness, chronically. The origins
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of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder
can be genetic, although not everyone
mood stabrnzers,sleepjngpHls,
who suffers from these illnesses inherits
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stewjngjn my varjousbodHyflujdsfor 24 hours
disorder) begin in childhood. Others
appear later in life, and in recent years
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from severe depression. Suicide spikes in people over 60,
as well. Psychotropic drugs are now the most frequently
prescribed medications, after antibiotics and drugs to lower
cholesterol. Yet despite the fact that mental illness impacts
more Americans than diabetes or cancer, people with the
disease are often ignored, ostracized, or marginalized.
More than most people with mental illness, Schroeder
seemed almost hyper~normal. Good job, stable relation~
ship. She was attractive and fit, living what could be called
the American Dream. But in reality, she was living a night~
mare so inescapable that she tried to take her own life.
More than once.
Beautiful Wreck is a difficult book to read, especially in
the beginning. Many lesbians will start to feel a gnawing
discomfort as they read about Schroeder's high~powered
and controlling partner, Lauren, who demanded that
Schroeder share everything with her, whether she wanted
to or not. This included compulsory gym attendance,
dietary restrictions and eventually even a child.
The memoir will resonate with many lesbians
because there are so many Laurens out thereattractive women who seem to have it all together and
who lure partners in with the promise of a perfect
mainstream life.
As Schroeder discovered, with these women there
is no place to say no. No place to be anything but an
adjunct to someone else's life, someone else's choices
and demands. When there is no place to exist, really,
then you want to die.
One of the ways women coping with mental illness
are often dismissed in the lesbian community is by being
labeled "drama queens:'"Lesbian drama" is a term used
for domestic conflict, and often inappropriately. In just
this way, a book like Schroeder's might be dismissed
or misconstrued by some. But Schroeder thinks she
is on to something much more important.
"I sometimes think about how I used to live in
chaos and crave drama to mask other feelings, and
this book bears that out, certainly. I've chosen to
currently live without drama, lesbian or otherwise,
and pursue a healthy life that includes a healthy,
intimate relationship with another woman, but
people who have read the book all relate to it in the
way I intended: They see parts of themselves in my
story. They relate to depression, mostly, which is a
total epidemic. Many people relate to the intimate~
partner violence-even straight men who have read it
tell me about abusive partners:'
Beautiful Wreck is often painful and disturbing,
but Schroeder says she was compelled to write this
memoir.
"Something as personal, difficult and disturbing
as what Beautiful Wreck turned out to be, as a book,
was all I could write;' she explains with characteristic
honesty. "It's the truth, it all happened, it happened to
me, and I wanted to write about it. I'm a writer and I write
about people's stories all the time. And mine is a damn
good story to tell:'
Schroeder details how when she first began the book
it was "very cathartic;' but she explains-and laughs a dry,
uncomfortable laugh as she does so-that
she started
writing the book when she was with another partner, Mel,
with whom she'd become involved as a way to escape the
abuse she'd experienced with Lauren.
"Go figure. And I left out so much because I didn't see
what was happening right in front of me, and it was ongoing
and happening while I was in the process of writing it:'
Schroeder wrote the core of Beautiful Wreck in a writing
workshop. "I kind of just churned it out, so I could meet
the workshop deadline:' What was happening right in front
of her, however, was the phenomenon in which lesbians
believe what others-even
those closest to them-tell
them to believe about themselves, that we are less than who
we really are.
October 2012
I 31
When Schroeder was writing BeautifulWreck, she recalls,
"Mel called [the workshop] my 'reading group; as though
my writing wasn't a serious undertaking. Lauren also didn't
take my writing seriously. Neither of them would read
anything I wrote, even my journalism:'
As painful as that knowledge must be-that these two
women with whom she was partnered ignored her life's
work-Schroeder
is currently in a satisfyingly healthy
relationship. She's feeling good about it. And it's "not just
the sex;' she laughs. About the other women, she has
nothing but well-placed and well-deserved vitriol. "They
were horrible, abusive, cruel people;' she says, the pain in
her voice clear. "They were bitches. And you can quote me
on that:'
While it seems likely that her former girlfriends will
not read the memoir, Schroeder anticipates that telling her
story will impact the people around her. Schroeder notes
that her family has always been supportive, but that she
was afraid that her mother, with whom she has had "really
rough times;' might have trouble with it.
"What did my mother say after reading my manuscript:'
Well, she said it made her profoundly sad that I had to go
through all of that shit, and that she had contributed to
some of it:'
Schroeder's father thinks she "let him off easy:' Her sister
has been especially supportive, and "loves the book:'
As for most of the folks mentioned in her book,
Schroeder says, "No one's come out of the woodwork yet;'
adding that she has no desire to see them again and hopes
that she doesn't. Her tone is fearless.
"I don't want to have to deal with any of them. They
made my life miserable and I really don't want to have to
see them or talk with them ever again. They were horrible to me, very disturbed people, and 10 to 20 years
later, I'm over it. But I'll take them on if I have to;' she
adds, defiantly.
As Schroeder explicates the journey she's been on, it's
32
I curve
apparent how difficult, painful, but ultimately revivifying
it's been for her. The self-awareness and self-revelation
weren't easy to come by, but the learning process propelled
her into a new life-diagnosed,
treated and, most importantly, alive and well, despite three brushes with death, the
last of which she almost didn't recover from.
But Schroeder doesn't let herself off the hook either.
She explains that she was moody and irritable, angry
and rage-filled, and that she probably attracted, or was
attracted to, both of those abusive women. She also notes
that she had a lot of people to apologize to, after she was
diagnosed and on medication.
She's not worried about getting any backlash for being
honest. She feels strongly-and
her personal strength
comes through, both in talking to her and in reading her
work-that
she has to be honest, above all.
"One thing I want to say about backlash-or any other
repercussion-is that I don't give a shit. Not in a careless or
reckless way of not caring;' she clarifies. She wants people to
see her and other mentally ill people as essentially the same
as everyone else. But she is quick to add that she "doesn't
much care what other people think;' and she hopes that's
one thing people will take away from the book.
"Don't worry so much, or at all, about what people will
think:' Schroeder explains. "It's what keeps us bound in
abusive relationships-personal,
professional and political.
Worrying about what the proverbial neighbors will think
is what keeps people in their place-it paralyzes people,
keeps apathy and ignorance in the political arena alive and
makes people physically ill:'
As for Schroeder, she intends never to let that happen
to her again. Her scars remain-you don't spend time in a
locked ward, after nearly dying, and come out unscathed.
But today Schroeder is happy to be alive. And her intense,
honest, wry and raw memoir explains and explores what
it took to get where she is now-and what it will take to
keep going forward with her life. (beautifulwreck.com)■
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POLITICS
Equality
- Power
More than four decades after Stonewall, influential lesbians still struggle for recognition.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Sally Ride was only 61 when she died
of pancreatic cancer on July 23. Her
death was premature, and given her
stature as an astronaut and a scientist, it was under-reported. Women's
"firsts" are still occurring every day.
Hers were huge. Ride was the first
woman astronaut, the youngest astronaut to ever go into space, and the first
lesbian astronaut-to
date, the only
out astronaut-in
the world.
A physicist herself, Ride lived with
her scientist partner of nearly 30
years, Tam O'Shaughnessy. Most obits
neglected to mention Ride's considerable achievements, let alone her
long-time partner. (Ride has written
books with O'Shaughnessy. In fact, they
co-wrote an obituary for Ride that names
O'Shaughnessy as her partner.)
Why do women's achievements still fail
to receive the same recognition as men's? For
three decades, Ride was the most powerful
woman in the American space program.
But how many schoolchildren even knew
her namer
The day after Ride passed away, out
lesbian, Susan Lowenberg received a presidential appointment to the U.S. Holocaust
Memorial Council, the governing body of
the U.S. Holocaust Museum. Another first.
This, too, failed to make news.
Hilary Rosen, an out political lobbyist
and a media pundit, made news, however,
when she insulted Ann Romney on CNN.
Rosen said that Romney, who has raised
five children and is a philanthropist, had
"never worked a day in her life:' Romney
was gracious about Rosen's gaffe, but the
comment created a firestorm-even
the
Obamas objected publicly. Rosen was forced
to apologize, and her presence on CNN has
diminished. Rosen had already been fired
from the Huflington Post, where she was
their Washington editor at large, when she
became a consultant for British Petroleum
after the Gulf oil spill in 2010.
The loss of Rosen's visibility as a pundit
was less dramatic because few Americans
outside the Beltway, queer or straight, had
heard of her. But for those of us who had,
Rosen's series of missteps meant that
the lesbian who had signed in for White
House meetings 35 times during the Obama
administration no longer had the ear of
the president.
So, where are the lesbians with power? A
more powerful Democratic political strategist
than Rosen is Donna Brazile, Vice Chair
of Voter Registration and Participation
at the Democratic National Committee
(DNC). Brazile was an advisor for both of
Bill Clinton's presidential campaigns, ran
Al Gore's 2000 campaign for president and
has long been rumored to be a lesbian. But
like another African American politician,
former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice,
who owns a house with another woman (as
After Ellen and Mike Signorile reported as
far back as 2007), Brazile refuses to discuss
her sexual orientation (something straight
people never refuse to do). Yet despite the
rumors, and despite the fact that Brazile
has sat on several LGBT committees, she
actively opposed Garry Shay's proposal to
amend the DNC platform to "require all
state parties to establish goals and timetables
for selecting a mm1mum number
of gay and lesbian delegates in the
same way they currently allocate
certain numbers of delegate slots for
African Americans, Latinos, AsianPacific Islanders, Native Americans
and women:'
Why would a lesbian oppose
broadening a political party's demographic to include other lesbians?
In 2012, the only open lesbianfrom the Cabinet to the Congressis Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), who was
elected to the House of Representatives in 1999. She's currently running
for Senate; if she wins, she'll be the
first openly gay member of the Senate
in U.S. history.
As speaker of New York's City Council,
Christine Quinn is another power player.
An open lesbian who recently married her
longtime partner, Quinn is considered a
shoo-in to become the next mayor of New
York City. Quinn would follow Annise
Parker, who was elected in Houston in
2009, as the first out lesbian mayor of a
major American city.
Other powerful out lesbians include
Randi Weingarten, president of one of
America's largest unions, the American
Federation of Teachers; Robin McGehee,
one of the leaders of the movement to defeat
Prop. 8 and co-founder of GetEQUAL;
and Kate Kendell, executive director of the
National Center for Lesbian Rights.
The slimness of this roster of power lesbians raises questions: Can we truly be heard?
Can we hope to promote change at the
national level? How do we propel our issues
forward and create a power base for lesbians
that encompasses our local concerns as well
as our global ones?
Four decades after Stonewall, power has
yet to accrue to us. So perhaps instead of
waiting for it, we should decide to just take
it. Because power means equality. And we
deserve both. ■
October 2012
I 33
THE TRIP
Kelli Carpenter
rejoices in
her family, her
thriving business
and finding
love again.
By Merryn
Johns
We know Kelli Carpenter because of her relationship with celebrity powerhouse
Rosie O'Donnell, but there is more to the whip-smart blonde than all the star-centric
media coverage would have us believe. In the late 1990s, Carpenter was a welcome
addition to the lesbian limelight when our eyes were glued to the tabloids for news
of Ellen, k.d. and Melissa, but she has always had her own unique story. Now, for
the first time, Carpenter lets us in on what she's been doing since the 2007
separation from the woman who made her famous.
Kelli Carpenter appeared on our radar in the hey~
day oflesbian chic, a time when we looked to famous
lesbians as test cases for our own acceptance: If they
could come out on TV, get married, be invited to
the White House, have children, then perhaps we,
too, would find happiness. And if they couldn't, how
could we? As it turns out, Carpenter did find hap~
piness, then heartbreak and eventually happiness
again-much like the rest of us. Along the way, she
34
I curve
has reconnected with her roots and learned to touch
her own life again. This self~described Ragin' Cajun
from Baton Rouge, La., is currently residing in New
York and devoting her energies to her fiancee, the
four kids she shares custody of with O'Donnell and
her business, R Family Vacations.
Back when she was a closeted college student in
the South, Carpenter learned to balance her own
truth against the expectations of others, especially
those of her religious family, who would not accept her sexu~
ality. She knew she was gay in junior high, but stayed in the
closet, and in college had a fake boyfriend, who was also gay.
"We had 'em all fooled;' she laughs wryly. "We went to every
sorority~fraternity party-then we went to the gay bars after~
wards:' Her parents were not amused and insisted that she
attend Homosexuals Anonymous meetings in exchange for
her college tuition. "I had the wherewithal to think, 'It's only
four years of my life, and once I graduate from college I'm
going to get a job, and I can just say goodbye:"
Certain of her sexuality, and that there was nothing
aberrant about it, Carpenter was dispirited by the meetings,
where she observed "an assortment of people who were sad in
their lives, but it really had nothing to do with being gay:'
Needless to say, Carpenter was relieved and happy when
she got her degree in advertising and launched her life as an
independent adult. Attracted to the energy of the advertising
world, its focus on creativity and the bottom line, Carpenter
began to succeed quickly, working with an ad agency on the
Pepsi~Cola account, then Kellogg's, which led to her being
hired as marketing director at Nickelodeon. Mostly run by
women, Nickelodeon was a creative, democratic company,
and Carpenter felt comfortable there. "There was not a day
when I didn't wake up and love going to work;' she says. In
just a few years she had moved from Texas to Chicago to
New York City, where she had always dreamed ofliving.
It was 1996, and queer culture was blossoming. Thirty
years old and single, Carpenter socialized with lesbian work
colleagues and dated. Then, in 1997, the same year Ellen
to walk into it, because it's not like you start from day one:'
At the time, lesbians having or adopting babies was a
novelty and the constant press coverage turned a tidal wave
into a tsunami. "The media was always sort of mad at Ro
for not coming out until the time she did. The sad part was
that this was the only part of our lives that felt private. We
were real trailblazers in the (lesbian parenting] arena. I mean,
Parker's 17 years old now:'
Next, O'Donnell and Carpenter adopted Blake at birth,
then Carpenter gave birth to their fourth child, Vivienne,
through artificial insemination. In this family, marriage came
after love and the baby carriage: O'Donnell and Carpenter
took their vows in San Francisco in 2004, when then~Mayor
Gavin Newsom began granting marriage licenses to same~sex
couples. "I look back and when I think about the initiating
reasons, it's not that we ever chose not to get married, it just
never really came up. And when we saw what was happening
in San Francisco, we said, 'You know what, we have children,
we should be out there, we should do it: It was a very quick
decision-and maybe the initial motivation wasn't the vows
and getting married. However, when we took the vows, it felt
very powerful and meaningful at the time. I think both of us
took those vows very seriously:'
In spite of their commitment to each other, eventually
the relationship was in trouble. Carpenter does not want to
dwell on what went wrong, because it was no different, she
believes, from the experience of any painful breakup. What
she wants to convey is how she got past the heartbreak, to
"touch" her own life again.
OF A LIFETIME
DeGeneres came out, Carpenter found herself in the orbit
of talk show host Rosie O'Donnell. O'Donnell's brother,
Daniel, set the women up on a blind date and after that it
was full speed ahead. "I ended up with two kids and a big
relationship very quickly;' says Carpenter. "It's like being
thrown into a tidal wave;' she says of her life with a celebrity.
"I was happy with the success I had created in my own little
world, before it was hit by the tidal wave;' she laughs.
"In the very beginning, it was overwhelming. Everybody
was taken into the public eye with my choices. It was a lot,
but we all survived and it found its balance:' Carpenter kept
her job at Nickelodeon for a year, which gave her a routine
that was her own, but eventually, family life began to domi~
nate and she became the first lesbian celebrity instamom.
Parker was 2 and Chelsea a newborn when Carpenter met
Rosie, and as kid~friendly as she was, the ambitious ad exec
had never even changed a diaper."! remember walking in and
somebody said to me, 'Can you just change her diaper before
we leave?' And I was like, Yeah, sure, no problem, how hard
can it be? I wanted to be a mom but it was an interesting way
"I now look at relationships completely differently. I think
that over the course of a long period of time people change. I
look at people who have been in relationships for 30, 40, 50
years. I think that they change and are still compatible.
"There was no one thing that I would put my finger on
that was the beginning of the end. I think it's a series of things
that happened-that
once it started to go, there was no real
salvation for it. The hard part was that we had children, and
there was a lot of sadness involved, much hurt and broken
promises. Truthfully, once you come out of the dark place,
there is the opportunity for change and healing. I'm happy
now, [Rosie's] happy now, the kids are really good and very
happy. You can find the ability to move forward, even though
in the moment you feel like you're never going to crawl out
of that hole:'
Gregg Kaminsky, Carpenter's business partner and friend,
offered support during that time. "When they were going
through rough times, I was certainly there for Kelli, to have
someone she could confide in. Kelli is a very strong person, so
I always knew things would eventually work out:'
October 2012
I 35
Eventually is right. "There was a lot of back-and-forth;'
reflects Carpenter. "Both sides did the most we each could to
make it work. It took a year. It was incredibly painful:'
Carpenter had become too thin, was run-down and anxious. Over the course of 12 years, she had lost her sense of
sel£ apart from her status as wife and mother. She felt unable
to focus and was on medication for depression and anxiety.
'J\t some point I just said, 'I've got to find a healthier way
to get through this; and stumbled upon a Buddhist meditation center, which completely changed my way of thinking.
Just the idea that any situation is tolerable, it's just a matter of
how you think about it- I found that so empowering. With
pain comes wisdom. I have lived a very blessed life, without
huge amounts of pain. [But] I think that having significant
bring-me-to-my-knees moments changed my life:'
What changed for Carpenter was that she regained her
sense of sel£ her regular life. "I have such amazing memories
that I wouldn't trade for anything, but who I am now-I am
very content with the normalcy of my day-to-day existence. I
think I lost touch with what drives me:'
One of the things that drives Carpenter is business, and
today R Family Vacations is her main focus. "It is just wonderful to see the community growing. When I think back on
high school, and the torment I felt about being gay and not
being able to have a family-kids today just don't feel that:'
Carpenter and Kaminsky have expanded the R Family
brand to include adults-only trips that cater to the LGBT
community, including a Broadway cruise, which offers the
ultimate vacation for theater lovers. "We have found that our
guests include a significant number of gay and lesbian travelers who are looking to travel together, and not just with
all men or all women. To date, we are the only company
providing this opportunity, and we are very excited about
its growth potential;' says Carpenter.
Kaminsky shares Carpenter's enthusiasm. "We have diversified and expanded in the past couple of years and next year
have an exciting lineup that includes trips to Vegas, France,
Mexico, Spain, the Berkshire Mountains and California:'
He is also excited for Kelli's personal life."Kelli is engaged
to a beautiful and talented woman who we have both
known for many years, because she has performed often on
the R Family trips. Kelli is very happy and peaceful, and she
continues to be a wonderful mother to her four children
and an enthusiastic business partner and incredible friend:'
So, who is that svelte redhead who's now filling Carpenter's
heart with lover It's Anne Steele, an award-winning cabaret
singer. Their future together was merely a speck on the
horizon until fate intervened on the high seas.
'J\ couple of years ago we were on a trip, and we both
happened to be single, and all of a sudden she was sitting
next to me and I was like, 'It's Anne!'" says Carpenter, her
eyes twinkling. 'J\nd we started talking and flirting and my
heart was racing and my hands were sweating and it just
sort of happened. I couldn't believe it. Even to this day, I just
look at her and think, 'It's Anne!' I can't believe it:'
Carpenter's heart might have been racing, but her head
proceeded with caution. "I didn't want [my kids] to know
that we were dating until I was sure she was somebody I
wanted to date long-term. They had been through so much
already. I waited eight months and then told them, and they
were like, fists in the air, 'Yay !' They love her. She loves them.
It's a joy I can't even express. With Anne in my life, and my
parents completely involved in our kids' lives, I feel a sense
of peace within my family that I never thought possible.
Life is really good right now:' ■
LEZZIE LIGHTNING ROUND
HOWR FAMILY
VACATIONS
BEGAN:
I took the
kids to Provincetownfor FamilyWeek,and
it was beautifulto watchthe kids looking
aroundandsaying,"Wait,thosekids have
two mommies,too!" Andfeelinga senseof
communitythat childrenwith gay parents
usuallydo not feel on a day-to-daybasis.So
we decidedto give it a shot.I thoughtthat if
my kids,who haveaccessto so muchin life,
are longingfor it, then thosefamilieswho
don't haveanysenseof community-we
couldcreatesomethingthat couldgive
themthat.
HOWIT GETSBETTER:
Thesekids are able
to meetotherfamiliesandfill up their selfesteemovertheir vacation.Theyabsorb
loveandacceptanceandcommunityeverythingthat they'vebeenlongingfor all
year.It helpsthem go backinto their world,
until nextyear.
36
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LIFENOW:[Rosieand I] were meantto
havethat time together,and beautifulkids,
but we were alsonot meantto be together
for this secondhalf. [R FamilyVacations]
hasbecomelessaboutcelebrityand more
aboutcommunity.Thetrips are moreabout
peoplesearchingfor friends,andtalking
andengaging,beingpresentandenjoying
the momentthat they're in. Whena celebrity
comesout, it somehowmakesus all feel
better,but it doesn'tmeanthat we've
achievedthe thingswe're fightingfor. I
think we needto find it within ourselvesas
everydaypeopleto go out andfight for what
it is that we deserve.
MARRYING
AGAIN:Anneand I are engaged
to be marriednextsummer.I am grateful
for eachdaywe sharetogetherandfeel so
blessedto haveher in not only my life but
the kids' lives,too.
WHATSHEWANTSTOBEREMEMBERED
FOR:Forthe businessthat Greggand I
havecreated.It's new,it's uniqueand it's
importantfor the gayteensof todayto know
that creatingfamiliesis an option.Gay
familiescan alsohelpchangethe right-wing
Republicanviewpointof what the "gay lifestyle" is. Youcouldnot bring a conservative
Republicanon our ship and not havetheir
heartchanged.That'swhat I'd like to be
knownfor-rather than as somebody'sex.
That,andfor beinga goodmom.
Hey America,
We're back! Lights, camera, action.
Our London diary has been chock-a-block with designing,
shows, writing and appearances, but we alie never too busy
for our favorite readers! In this month's Power Issue we got our
model on. Watching all those America's Next Top Model shows
have really rubbed off. We normally direct our fashion shoots but
this time we were "smizing" for the lens (smiling with your eyes is
Tyra Banks' secret to a perfect photo).
Trust us to choose the hottest day to shoot in the studio! It
would have been perfect for a Naked Issue, however we took the
naked idea home for the evening. Ahem. We need no excuses.
We teamed up with another lesbian power couple, Wendy
and Jenny, to bring you a mixed bag of goodi~s. For us, being a
lesbian is powerful. Not only have we fought toJ>e who we are,
but we are women. There is nothing more powerful than that. We
are strong, influential and we have faced fear-the biggest being
brave enough to be yourself when some in society may not agree.
If that isn't tenacious what is?
Power was our focus and with dominant tailoring and the
luxury of a neutral palette we went to town with the styling.
We softened traditional tailored pieces, relaxed the overly
~
formal view of suiting and added a Lez Is More flavor to
suit all. If you're a business butch or flowing femme, we
have created a universal look for you. Classic white
shirts teamed with harem pants is a fashion-forward
look. Throw on a blazer to bring in the business or
loosen a tie to take you into the night. A play oi:i
originality with leather collars or single jewelry
pieces will stamp your mark!
So ladies, another shoot over, we promi e
we won't be gone for too long. Remember he
strength you possess through fashion. Be who
you are, it's what makes you powerful. Lez Is
More, Lez Is Power!
Until next time ...
~~t_J~
RD
Stella and Lucy
are back with hip
Brit office chic.
Photos by Alex Styles
38
I curve
Stella: shirt River Island, trousers
BangingThreads.com; Lucy: shirt Zara,
trousers BangingThreads.com
's.
Stella: shirt Zara, trousers and undies
G-Star Raw, boots River Island;
Lucy: waistcoat H&M, shirt G-Star
Raw, trousers Zara, boots All Saints
40
I curve
ook,
D&G,
estwood;
Look,
Wendy: vest and leggings All Saints;
Lucy: denim jacket Bershka, trousers
Top Shop; Stella: T-Shirt Desigual,
trousers BangingThreads.com
October 2012
I 43
Park Slope Armory Women's Shelter: Amazingly Queer Race for Economic Justice. Shelter residents and racers
dance together; Essence Revealed performs at the 1st Sex Worker Cabaret at The Slipper Room, New York City
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
1 Queers for Economic Justice Annual Picnic. 2 Author Diana Cage
shaves Cheryl B's head. Cheryl died of cancer last year and shaved
her head surrounded by people she loved. 5 Portrait of a high-end call
girl, N.Y.C. hotel. 4 Vigil for Yvonne McNeal, a woman who lived in New
Providence Women's Shelter in N.Y.C. On October 2, 2011 she was shot
by NYPD directly outside the shelter. To date, we await the Manhattan
D.A.'s findings. 5 Lauren, organizer and N.Y.C. Dyke March Marshal,
gauging the NYPD in relation to the march. 6 Toshi Reagon performing
at Brooklyn Bowl 7 A burlesque performer does a Josephine Baker
routine for Storme during her birthday party at lesbian bar Henrietta
Hudson, N.Y.C. (bcrw.barnard.edu/publications/desiring-change)
46
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z
0
0
z
g
0
~
POWEil
~LAYEIIS
Yes, it gets better, but it doesn't happen
by accident or overnight. Every day,
across the country, ambitious lesbians are
working in their chosen fields to change
the balance of power and improve the
quality of life for all of us. From Wall Street
to the White House, from the law courts
to lesbian nightclubs, meet the advisors,
advocates, attorneys and entrepreneurs
using their power to the max.
48
I curve
/ / /POWEs:tPLAYEs:tS
HIGH STEPPEstS
Maggie Collier and DJ Brynn Taylor keep N.Y.C.'s lesbian nightlife hot. By Jillian Eugenios
Maggie Collier, the force behind Stiletto, one of the most popular girl parties in New York City, is known for
throwing events that raise the bar of what a lesbian party should look like. As the woman who helms her own
lesbian entertainment empire, it is surprising to hear Collier say that she isn't the one in power at all. Instead,
she says, the power is in her clientele. "I feel most powerful when I feel like everybody's happy. It's all how you
measure that word and whatever that means to you. For me, it's about bringing people what they want:'
Power partiers:
DJ Brynn Taylor
(left) and
Maggie Collier
/ / /DOWEEt DLAYEEtS
Collier says that it's easy to make assumptions about how
much power she holds. "There are a lot of promoters who execute
big events from an ego standpoint;' she says. "Everybody has a
different agenda ... ! want women to have something that takes
them away from whatever we face in life:'
Stiletto is known for bringing a diverse crowd, and Collier has
always pushed to reach a wide demographic. Stiletto's Sunday
parties start in the afternoon so women can choose what kind of
party they want: laid-back weekend cocktailing, late-night dance
party or both. ''All of those components lend themselves to play
nice in the sandbox, if you will, which is really wonderful, and is
something that I want more of. It's for everybody: butch, femme,
old, young and everything in between. I think it's an important
thing that we all have a place and we all support each other:'
Collier credits the DJ with providing an ever-evolving set
tailored to the changing needs of the audience, which is what she
found in Los Angeles-based Brynn Taylor, who has been part of
the Stiletto family almost since the beginning.
"The wonderful thing about Stiletto is that because they're
so inclusive of everyone I have more options when I DJ. I can
experiment a little bit;' Taylor says. "It's exciting for me because I
don't have to stick within one genre:'
Taylor, a frequent DJ at The Abbey, consistently voted the
best gay bar in the country, brings a philosophy to the decks that
was born when she first started
spinning in her hometown of
"I FEEL MOST
Lincoln, Neb., at the Q a gay
bar that still exists. "I remember
POWEstFUL
going into the Q and saying OK,
WHENI
I know I'm supposed to play
music for gay boys, whatever
FEEL Lll(E
that means:' But instead of
EVEstYBODY'S
playing house music and female
HAPPY ...
vocals for the boys and hip hop
or reggaeton for the girls, she
FOst ME,
mixed it up, discovering a style
IT'S ABOUT
of spinning that has continued to
this day.
BstlNGING
Though Stiletto is by all stanPEOPLE
dards successful, event management wasn't something Collier
WHAT THEY
had planned on doing. A profesWANT."
sional singer, she lived in New
York in the late-'90s and early2000s, at a time, she said, when New York had more variety
in lesbian nightlife. A move to L.A. for six years introduced
her to the West Coast scene, which had an aesthetic she
was not used to. "There were beautiful venues for the lesbian
parties and that was something I had not seen in New
York;' Collier says.
Once Collier moved back to New York she noticed a void
in the party choices for lesbians."! like going to a chill bar and
drinking $2 PBR and shooting pool. I'm a Southern girl like
that. But then I'll put on my heels. A lot of my friends and
people I knew wished there was something a little bit more
for the professional woman or a higher-end environment:'
She took up the cause in 2007. "I was as green as they
could possibly come;' she says. Still, she jumped right in,
booking a venue, setting a date and inviting people she knew.
"They were really supportive;' she says. ''And showed up:'
They did more than show up. New Yorkers have partied
at Collier's events for the last several years, garnering Stiletto
Go magazine's Reader's Choice Nightlife Awards in 2012.
Collier hadn't expected to win."I was totally surprised and
humbled and excited;' she says. "You see something in your
own vision and you think that maybe it's just me, and then
you see there's an abundance of people who see the same
thing and that's all really exciting and definitely a surprise:'
Collier and Taylor are committed to making the experience
of their parties more than just hanging around a bar. While
Collier focuses on pleasing the masses as they mingle, Taylor
takes up the duty of providing the soundtrack. According to
Taylor, real power is in "surrendering to the unknown and
being open and accepting, which is what we're trying to
accomplish in the first place. Music is such a wonderful
format to be able to do that:' (maggiecevents.com) ■
<f)
z
0
t5
:::J
0
0
a:
0..
<f)
:::i
+
~
SlED, WHITE,
BLUE AND GSlEEN
Lesbian politico Nancy Sutley is greening
the White House, and the nation, from within.
Fordecades,NancySutley
hasbeenspendinghertime
on contentiousissuesat the
intersectionof scienceand
publicpolicy.But lookwhere
it hasgottenher.At age50,
the out lesbianis currently
a rankingmemberof the
serving
Obamaadministration,
as chairof the Councilon
Quality.Thanks
Environmental
to her sterlingcredentials,
Sutleywas unanimously
confirmedandseatedjust
two daysafterthe president's
inauguration.Herexperience
with issuesof environmental
sustainability,preservation
and restorationrunsdeep.
"I was deputymayorfor
in
Energyand Environment
LosAngeles,I workedin the
Protection
Environmental
Agencyduringthe Clinton
andwas
administration,
to be part of the
approached
Obamatransitionteam-to
preparefor ultimatelywho
getsappointed.Onedaywhen
I was doingthat, I was asked
whetherI wouldbe interested
in pursuingan appointmentin
the administration."
All federalgovernment
appointeeshavea "tough
job," Sutleysays,but staying focusedin this election
year'scacophonymakes
the job just that much
tougher.But,evenwith all
the election-yearpoliticking-for instance,the right
wing's refusalto admitthe
realityand impactof climate
change-she is committedto
puttingscienceat the heart
of politicaldecision-making.
Shesays,"The impactsthat
our activitieshaveon our
environmentand our natural
world are thingsthat we can
observe.Thescienceis about
how we take thoseobserved
activitiesand usethem as
the foundationfor how we
addressenvironmentalconcernsthroughpublicpolicy.
Andfor the solutionsto be
effective,we haveto know
what's really happening.
That'sthe simplebottomline
aboutscienceand science's
role in publicpolicy."
Currently,Sutleyis enthusiasticaboutrestorationand
preservationprojectsin the
GreatLakes,the Chesapeake
Bayandthe Everglades.
"Theyare an importantpart
of our naturalheritageand
of our economyand notjust
of thoseregions,but of our
nation.Thehealthof those
kindsof resourcesand what
we expectthemto deliver,
whetherit's drinkingwater
[20 percentof the entire
planet'sdrinkingwater
comesfrom the GreatLakes]
or just havingthosenatural
resourcesin goodshape,is
important.Andthere are a lot
of thingsthe federalgovernment hasresponsibilityover
when it comesto managing
and restoringthosenatural
resources.A lot of responsibility alsofalls to the states
and communitiesaround
thoseecosystems.Weare
trying to figure out howthe
federalgovernmentcan be
a betterpartnerwith those
localentities,workingto
preservethem."
Commentingon how
naturalresourcesimpactour
materialwell-being,Sutley
saysshe believes"there is a
clear link betweena healthy
environmentand a productive economy."It's a link she
wishesto strengthen.
An advocatefor, and an
exampleof, the American
Dream,Sutleyis the daughter
of Argentinianimmigrants
who,shesays,cameto the
UnitedStates"without a lot."
the Cornell
Nevertheless,
graduatewith a master's
degreefrom Harvardobserves
that she has had her own
struggles,especiallywhen
it cameto balancingher
sexualitywith her dreamsof
success.
"WhenI was a young
womanand dealingwith the
issueof my sexuality,I didn't
understandhowthe parts
of my life wouldfit together,
becauseI didn't see [role
modelsof successfulgay
people].So,if there's some
kid somewherewho wantsto
seehowthe piecesof their
livesfit together,andthey
see me andfigure it out, that
wouldbe awesome-it would
be kind of an amazingthing.
I've spokenat conferences
havingnothingto do with
LGBTissuesand peoplecome
up afterwardto thank me for
beingthere,and it's really
thoseopportunitiesto touch
someone'slife like that are
a pretty specialpart of this
Schroeder]
job." [Stephanie
October 2012
I 51
/ / /POWEst PLAYEstS
LAW
OF THE
LAND
A constellation of powerful lesbian
attorneys in the San Francisco Bay
Area shows how times have changed.
By Adam L. Brinklow
Therese Stewart (from left), Sally Elkington, Chelsea HaleyNelson and her wife, and Kelly Dermody
Last January, very quietly and without any fuss, something
remarkable happened: The Bar Association of San Francisco
appointed Kelly Dermody, an out lesbian, as its president, while
on the other side of the bay the Alameda County Bar Association
installed another lesbian, Sally Elkington, to the same post. Little
ado was made of it because having prominent, powerful, out
women as movers and shakers in Bay Area law is the norm these
days, but the coincidental alignment of these two appointments
represents an extraordinary sea change in societal and corporate
values; just a few decades ago, neither woman was entirely sure
how her sexuality would affect her career.
When Elkington got her law degree, just before her 40th birth~
day, there weren't very many women lawyers, let alone gay women
lawyers. "I came out in the late '70s, when there was no real gay
revolution;' she says."When I was in the corporate world, it wasn't
an option for me to be out. I would have lost my job in a nano~
second:' Elkington relates horror stories about how the police
would cruise by gay and lesbian bars to copy down license plate
numbers and then inform on people to their bosses, and she says
that in those days she couldn't imagine being a prominent figure
in the community and being out.
Her counterpart across the bay came out a decade later, but even
as recently as the late '80s it was a different world, says Dermody.
"I did not know any gay people before coming out;' she says. "I
was a sophomore in college and I was afraid of being disowned:'
52
I curve
Dermody's fear of persecution was with her for most of her lifewhen she was growing up, the constant bullying of her peers was
her first indication that she might be different. She carried that
fear of being found out into college and her career, convinced that
she could never have a real life if she came out.
But fear of persecution-from
peers, from employers, from
law enforcement-can
motivate as well as inhibit. "I realized how
important it was for me to be out;' says Elkington, who, after
leaving her corporate job, began to appreciate that she could serve
as an example. Dermody's life changed after she interned on Ted
Kennedy's Senate Judiciary Committee in '87 and for the first time
worked alongside openly gay professionals and saw gay~rights
activism in action. She went into law so that she could litigate
for people who had been disenfranchised, people like her. Their
respective bar association presidencies (one~year appointments)
are a high~water mark that neither woman thought was possible.
Therese Stewart also remembers a time when being gay
meant being almost invisible. "In those days, you just didn't see
gay people;' she says of the early '80s in San Francisco. "Well, a
few gay men;' she corrects herself. "We lived in San Francisco, so
one of them lived next door to us. But women - I had very little
exposure:' In 2002, Stewart became San Francisco's deputy city
attorney, a position she could never have imagined achieving back
in the days when she didn't know even one openly gay woman.
Stewart didn't go into the law to pursue civil~rights litigation
(she wanted to be an environmental lawyer),
but a cause ended up finding her: In 2004, San
Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom abruptly began
issuing marriage licenses to gay couples. Stewart,
who was as elated as anyone until she stopped to
think about it, was handed the seemingly impos~
sible task of litigating for the basic right of gay
couples to marry, a cause she believed in but was
not entirely sure she could carry in court. "I was
like, 'How in the fuck am I going to defend this:"
I was convinced we were right, but that's not the
same as being convinced that we were going to
win;' she recalls.
The marriage licenses from '04 were declared
null, but they opened the door for Stewart to
successfully argue the case for gay marriage to
the state court in 2008. Then, in 2010, her team
carried the day, striking down Prop. 8, the anti~
gay marriage amendment whose ultimate fate is
still tangled up in the higher courts. It was a string
of miracles, just the way Stewart's entire career
seems miraculous by the standards of 30 years
ago. How is it possible:' "San Francisco is really
a very small city, but we think big;' says Stewart.
"When we do something, it reverberates:' She
pauses for a second, seemingly at a loss. "I can't
for the life of me figure out how it started:'
All the attorneys who weighed in on the
issue agree that the Bay Area is unique when it
comes to the law. Along with matching County
Bar Association presidents and superhero City
Attorney's Offices, the region is also home
to Bay Area Lawyers for Individual Freedom
(BALIF), the nation's oldest and largest LGBT
bar association. It was founded in 1980. "The
rest of the country looks to the Bay Area for
what's to come;' says BALIF Co~chair Chelsea
HaleyNelson. There are bigger cities, with more
powerful interests, HaleyNelson says, but the
Bay Area casts a long shadow because it has a
unique set of tools: lots of activists, lots of big~
thinking politicians and a huge pool of lawyers
and legal experts. It's a perfect storm, and the
winds blow coast to coast.
When each of these women came out, they
did it with some measure of uncertainty about
what kind oflife they'd be allowed to have. Now,
not only are they prominent, powerful and sue~
cessful, they're also out and proud. Most of them
are even married. (Elkington is divorced: "I fig~
ured I should run the whole gamut;' she says.)
It's more than they could ever have hoped for,
and it's theirs because they built it, case by case,
in the Bay Area. ■
SHE MEANS BUSINESS
FromPerth,in WesternAustralia,to WallStreet,in NewYorkCity,Jacqueline
Bennettis workingto climbto the top of the entrepreneurial
ladder,keepingher
conscience
(aswell as herwits)aboutherandstandingupfor women'srights
in the workplace.Currentlystudyingat N.Y.U.'s
SternSchoolof Businessin the
MBACandidate
Classof 2013,Bennettis focusingonfinanceandentrepreneurship,andspentlastsummerinterningat CreditSuissein N.Y.C.
Whatinitiallydrewyouto finance?
Afterhighschool,I tooka yearabroadandwentto England.
At thetime,I was
contemplating
variousprofessions-physiotherapy,
law andstand-upcomedy,
amongstotherthings.Thatwasduringthe dot-comboom.I got excitedto see
kidscomingupwith businessideas,andseeinghowtheycouldaddvalueto
commerceandhavefun with their ownideas.I startedfollowingtheseideas
in the marketandthat leadmeto understandthat I wantedto be involvedin
businessandfinance.
Is the workplaceinherentlybiasedtowardmen?
I thinkof myselfas a personbeforea gender,whichhasbeenan advantage,
but I havenoticeda lackof willingnessin myfemalecolleagues
to speakup
aboutwhattheywant,in contrastto their malecounterparts.
I havealways
encouraged
women,eventhoseseniorto me,to go andaskfor whattheywant.
You'reworkingon a modelto betterintegratewomenintothe workforce.
I thinkgivingwomena forumto bondtogetherandto sharetheir own
experiences
andfeelingsaboutthesegenderissuesin the workplaceis very
valuable.Thisis whatmy modelis basedon.I wantto helpto unravelwhat
it is that is (a)impactingthe abilityof womento supportoneanother,and(b)
allowingwomento be underrepresented
in the corporateworld.It's certainly
notthrougha lackof talent.Weneedto makea massivechange.Thereis such
untappedstrengthin the communityof women.
Manytop corporatelesbiansare still in the closet.Do you believethey
shouldcomeoutsothatthereis changeacrossthe board?
OnereasonI thinkchangeis necessaryis that relationships
arerestrictedwhen
youareholdingbacka majorpartof yourlife.If youcan't befreeandfluid in the
workplace,it's harderto developrelationships.
Thestrengthin theserelationshipsenablesyouto bondand
to workbettertogether.
So beingoutwon'tlimit your
career?
It's who I am! I don't necessarily needthe world to know
who I am intimatewith, but
I will alwaysbe proudof the
partnershipthat I am in and
the familythat I have.I don't
think I wouldbe representing
myselfcompletelyif I didn't
sharethat aboutmy life.
Ultimately,I just wantto be
responsible,as a womanand
a lesbian,and ensurethat the
currentinequalitiescontinueto
diminish.[JessMcAvoy]
October 2012
I 53
///POWESl PLAYESlS
STSlEAM QUEEN
Shirin Papillon founded a one-stop website for on-demand lesbian content. By Kim Hoffman
If you've ever searched using the word 'lesbian' online, you know
what kind of websites crop up. Such was the experience of Shirin
Papillon who, in 2008, was in the process of researching a potential "lesbian Mad Men" TV series she was developing for Channel
4 or the BBC in the U.K. Upon innocently searching for 'lesbian
TV' on sites like YouTube, she was surprised to find a serious
lack of content that wasn't pornographic. ''At the time, I thought
to myself that there should really be a site, a network of sorts,
where one could find quality lesbian video content:'
A producer, activist, entrepreneur and tech geek at heart, this
power lez leaped at the chance to create the site she envisioned-a
proverbial Internet lesbian homestead that could house myriad
content, and OneMoreLesbian.com was born. "It a was reclaiming of the name 'lesbian' from all the porn sites that continue to
exploit it;' says Papillon. "The 'One More' is every woman who
lands on the site and sees themselves represented. One by one we
become a global community:'
One More Lesbian, better known as OML is a one-stop
destination for lesbian films, TV shows, web series, animations,
music videos, PS As, ads and fan videos. And it will certainly hook
you. OML provides a higher level of visibility and accessibility
to and from the lesbian community, on a global level. The
principle behind OML is not only progressive, but aflirmative.
"How powerful is it for a woman in Morocco, say, to see herself
represented fully and accurately halfway across the world?" says
Papillon. "There's huge power and aflirmation in that:'
It's because of that global platform that some of the bestaggregated content reaches OML, all of which leads the pack in
the totality of the site. According to Papillon, the creme de la creme
of their sapphic content comes
first from Germany, Spain and
Mexico, followed then by the
U.S. and U.K. "Goes to show
you how behind we are in the
United States when it comes to
lesbian programming;' notes
Papillon. "Over the last couple
of years we've moved from
being a database of sorts for
lesbian videos, to a showcase
for lesbian video. We of course
still have a huge library of
videos, but we now work ahead
of the curve to make sure we
feature the latest and greatest:'
OML not only functions
under a dedicated team of curators who manage, organize and keep current on maintaining that
vast library the site holds, but also relies heavily on its user
submissions. And if you're curious about what time of year
OML is chock-full of fresh lesbian content, Papillon
says their busiest submission stream is in the fall, and
slower in the summer. Those familiar with Netflix and
Hulu or Hulu+ will fall weak at the knees for OML+,
the premium content section, which features an even
wider selection of lesbian shorts and feature films for
purchase on demand, watchable for up to 8 views in a
48-hour period.
If it weren't for Papillon, we may still be flailing around
in the deep end of the Internet for fan videos for The Real
L Word, a meaningful PSA you can watch with your
kids, or the exclusive previews of Farewell, My Queen. "I
strongly believe that we're going to see a big paradigm
shift in the way films are being distributed in the near
future and hopefully we'll continue to build a site, a company, and a brand that artists, actors, filmmakers and
such will trust and continue to seek;' says the OML
leader. Papillon stands out as one spirited trailblazer in
the LGBT community, powering the mill of progression, online and all around the world, for our viewing
Shirin Papillon
pleasure. (onemorelesbian.com) ■
54
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IT WAS A
~ECLAIMING
OF THE NAME
"LESBIAN"
F~OMALL
THE PO~N
SITES THAT
CONTINUE
TO EXPLOIT IT.
_J
w
~
~
<(
I
5
u
(/)
Suze
Orman
wants
you
tohave
financial
power.
Andwewantwhatshewants.
BySarah
Toce
andRachel
Shatto
__
56 I curve
POWERFUL is a word that immediately comes to mind when
describing Suze Orman. Charismatic an passionate, Orman has a
rare gift for dealing out sound financial a vice and tough love in equal
measure, and she does so with aplomb every Saturday night on CNBC
on her higt1Iyrated series The Suze Ofi an Show.
_.-,1:woughouther exceptional career, rman has been a vocal advocate
for women's financial independence and her matter-of-fact attitude
toward her sexuality has not only deared her to her lesbian fanbase,
but has made immeasurable st tcies toward the acceptance of out
lesbians in the financial worl In general.
As the host of a hit sh , the author of 10 consecutive best-sellers,
recipient of myriad
ards, Orman is even married to her soulmate,
Kathy "KT" a-vis(the two wed in South Africa), she really does seem
D have it all. Not content to keep her success all to herself, however,
she continues to advocate for those who are facing financial challenges,
both with her advice and now with her latest passion project, The
Approved Card, which is proving to be an essential tool for those
struggling to find their financial footing.
More than just a financial guru "of the people" or lesbian icon, the
Ober-chic and expertly coiffed economic powerhouse-who was
catapulted into the national spotlight as a frequent guest on The
Oprah Winfrey Show-is also the American dream personified. The
self-made dynamo came from humble beginnings but through hard
work, perseverance and no small amount of chutzpah has successfully
fashioned herself into a shining example of American exceptionalism.
ORMAN
grew up on the South Side of Chicago where
she went on to graduate from the University of Illinois with
a B.A. in social work. Following graduation, she set out with
friends to explore America, ultimately settling in Berkeley,
Cali£ where she took work as a waitress at the Buttercup
Bakery. While the job only paid $400 a week, her charisma
and winning personality, along with her renowned work
ethic, were already helping to elevate her career. It impressed
a group of her customers so much that they decided to join
together and gift her with $50,000, which she promptly
invested with Merrill Lynch. However, despite her desire
for the money to be invested conservatively, her broker
opted for high~risk investments that drained her account
completely in just three short months.
For some, this initial and swift loss would have been a
devastating blow, but for Orman it was the impetus for her
transition into the financial industry, as she quickly became
determined to learn all of its ins~and~outs.
Her self~taught skills led to Orman landing a job as a
broker at Merrill Lynch, which proved to be the first step in
her meteoric rise to success. Since then, she has gone on to
have 10 best~selling books-the latest of which, The Money
Class: Learn to Create Your New American Dream, was
released in 2010-seven
PBS specials, an unprecedented
seven Gracie Awards (recognizing the nation's best radio,
television and cable programming for, by and about women)
and a Visionary Award from the Council for Economic
Education. Also, in 2009, Orman was presented with an
honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree from her alma
mater, the University of Illinois.
She's been called one of The World's 100 Most Powerful
Women by Forbes, twice named one of The World's Most
Influential People by Time Magazine and one of the top 10
motivational speakers in the world by Business Week-the
only woman to receive that honor in 2007. She is the single
largest fund~raiser in the history of public television and
has received two Emmys for her PBS specials. Suze is host
of her television program The Suze Orman Show on CNBC,
now in its 12th year the show remains one of the highest~
rated personal finance programs on the air today.
Still, despite having dispensed valuable personal finance
advice on the air for years, it seems that Orman is still
sometimes misunderstood by her audience. Case in point:
her "Suze Smackdowns;' in which she delivers sometimes
harsh truths and offers passionate commentaries on topics
ss I curve
ranging beyond finance. "I think that there's a mispercep~
tion that I'm harder and angrier than I really am;' she says.
"People identify me by the Suze Smackdown, but what they
don't see behind the scenes is everything that goes on after
a Smackdown has occurred. What they don't see is that I'm
still in touch with people who were on The Oprah Winfrey
Show in 1998-and
I still am in touch with some of those
people to this day, still helping them;' Orman says.
Orman's exceptionally self~assured presence on air isn't
something that's rehearsed. 'Tm not a pre~scripted talent.
I'm not teleprompted;' she says. "Everything that you see
is essentially happening at the moment that it's happening.
Even with the seven PBS specials I've done now, especially
after the first one, when PBS realized how I worked. They
all are me, just walking onto the stage and letting it go. The
same is true when I give a talk. I have no idea what I'm
going to say, whether it's to 5,000 people, 50,000 people or
150,000 people.
"You'll never see me with a teleprompter, cards in my
hand or a script or anything-unless
of course I'm doing
a scripted role in a movie, or something like that. So what
you see is real. I'm exactly in real life like I am on television.
There is not a big difference at all, except I do have a softer
side that isn't shown very much on television:'
When conversing with on~air guests, Orman advocates
for hard work-and she takes her own advice very seriously.
"I show up at 7 a.m. We tape from 8 a.m. until 1 p.m. We do
two shows-sometimes
three-in one day. I'm hearing the
questions for the very first time when you are:'
However, there are occasions when she does require
some information about her callers ahead of time, in order
to make the most informed financial case for them. "I do
know everything about the 'Can I Afford It?' callers, because
there's no way I can make a decision that quickly, by just
seeing a few financial facts about them. And usually I know
the ins~and~outs of our guest that you're going to physically
see on air. But when it comes to those who call into the
show, I have no idea as to what they're going to say, or ask.
So really, the producers pretty much put it all together, edit
it and they have the say:'
Off the air, Orman's financial expertise and a true desire
to help people achieve financial independence have led her
to take her advice around the world. She has even become in
demand as a financial advisor to governments of developing
nations and multinational corporations. "I am intrigued by
the hard~working ethics in Asia and I am making a personal
commitment to help the Philippines to become an emerging
nation of savers:'
Closer to home is a project near and dear to her heart:
The Approved Card. Orman created the prepaid credit card
designed to help consumers build credit, repair credit and
find peace of mind in the process. "If someone were to ask
me, 'What is the most important thing you have ever done?;
I would tell them, 'The Approved Card;" she says.
Her voice fueled with passion, Orman continues: ''As you
and I speak right now, one out of two people in the United
States of America are in poverty or on the brink of poverty,
and one out of seven are on food stamps. You currently
have 70 million people who are underbanked or unbanked,
meaning they don't use the banking system, and if they do,
they hardly use it at all. These are people who, most likely
by no fault of their own, do not trust the banks. They don't
want to have anything to do with the banks. And therefore,
the only way for them to transact business is either through
a checking account-but
that's then with the bank, so they
stay away from that-or is usually with a prepaid card, or a
money order from the post office, or a payday loan:'
The exorbitant fees mounted on prepaid cards do little
to correct the larger issue at hand, Orman explains. "It is
a travesty that in the majority of the cases out there, if you
look at the fees that these people are paying for prepaid
cards, they are, on average, with one of the most popular
out there, $35 to $50 a month, and that is just to have the
card. Today, if you have bounced two or three checks, you
go into what's called the check system. If you're in the check
system, you cannot open up a checking account at a bank or
a credit union. Therefore, these people have been thrown
out of the system, most likely through no fault of their
own. That's number one. Number two is that today, as it
stands, if you simply pay in cash or on a debit card of any
kind-whether
it be a prepaid card or a straight debit
card from a bank or a credit union-none
of
that activity is reported on a credit bureau
report. Therefore, it is not calculated in
your FICO or a credit score:'
FICO scores and credit scores
are two topics that Orman relishes
discussing on her show. "If you do
not have a credit score or a FICO
score, good luck having a landlord
rent to you. Good luck being able
to buy a car at an interest rate that is
anything other than exorbitant. Good
luck being able to even get a job today,
because many of your jobs are based on credit
report information, and if you don't have any credit,
you don't usually have a credit report. And if you do
happen to get a car, your car insurance premiums
will be a lot higher, as will all your insurance, if you
have either a low credit score or no credit score
at all.
"There is something radically wrong with this
system that rewards people with a high FICO
score simply because they pay their credit cards
on time, even though they're paying the minimum
payment due on a 30 percent interest card. You're
paying the minimum payment due, and they're
charging you 30 percent:' Doesn't that say something
to you:' That something is radically wrong:' Also,
FICO, as a current credit scoring system, has absolutely
no idea where these people are getting their money to
pay the minimum payment due on their credit card. Is it
through a payday loan:' Is it through a 401(k) plan:' Is it
through a cash advance on another credit card:"'
Orman is seeking to change that. "My true goal in ere~
ating The Approved Card was to one day hopefully have
that card be the impetus for TransUnion and the other
credit reporting bureaus to report the information that's
on prepaid cards, so that it will create a credit score for
everybody:'
Nothing stops Orman from speaking out, especially
about the importance of financial security for our commu~
nity. How important is it for LGBT couples to have their
affairs in order:' "Oh my God, more important than you
have any idea;' she says. "Probably even more so than legally
married couples, who in most cases have the law to protect
them. And what I mean by that is that if you happen to be
married-you're
a heterosexual and you're married-the
law states where your assets are to go, if you don't have a
will. It says that your spouse will get 50 percent and your
children will get 50 percent. That's essentially what it says,
or some percent thereof, depending on your state.
"If you're not legally married, under the federal guidelines
you have to be very careful, because let's say you die-you
have been living with your partner now for the past 20
years, and you die. Half of your money goes to your parents,
half of your money goes to your brothers and sisters,
if you don't have any children. Zero goes to
your partner. So you seriously need a will.
You seriously need a living revocable
trust. You need an advance directive
and durable power of attorney for
health care. Your lover is not going to
" What
I lovemostabout
mylife nowis thatI
amnolongerlooking
foranything.
I amno
longerwanting
for
anything.
I amhappy
witheveryaspectof my
lifebothpersonally
and
professionally."
have the right, in many cases, to be able
to make decisions for you and decide what
should happen to you, health,wise, if you don't
have these things in place. So it's more important for
gay couples, for gay people, than for any other people out
there, bar none:'
Orman uses her clout to give away information whenever
she can. "When somebody calls in to ask about a will and
a trust, I'm not using my show to sell you something. So
it's very difficult for me to say, 'All right, go to suzeorman.
com, click on Must Have Documents, and buy them there:
Normally, when [we get those calls], we put in a passcode
and we say,'The pass code is CNBC; or whatever it may be,
and all the people can download them for free:'
She is also a vocal champion for the repeal of the federal
Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). "When you respect
people and put people first, then money does follow. And
the way that the laws now are set up for gay couples is
absolutely atrocious, like we're back in the 15th century. So,
absolutely, marriage equality needs to happen. [Speaking
out in support of same,sex marriage] was a fabulous move
by President Obama:'
Orman elaborated on her support for the president in
a recent behind,the,scenes
video for The View, saying,
"President Obama made one of the greatest announce,
ments-of
at least my life-saying he is for gay marriage.
It's a big deal. Listen everybody, this isn't just a financial
issue, it's an emotional issue as well. Gay people don't dis,
rupt the institution of marriage-we just simply want to
join in it. There's something about love, there's something
about security, there's something about saying, 'Please can
I marry your' We want to be a part of it and now [with the
president as our ally] we have a real chance to make [marriage
equality] a reality:'
While Orman's passion for marriage equality has a
financial aspect-as
she will happily list off the financial
inequities same,sex couples face without the full protection
marriage provides-it's also rooted in the fact that she has
found her soulmate, KT. In a candid and poignant inter,
view with dating website eHarmony she confesses, "What
60
I curve
I love most about my life now is that I am no longer look,
ing for anything. I am no longer wanting for anything. I
am happy with every aspect of my life both personally and
professionally.
''As far as my relationship goes, I never thought that I
would find the love of my life. Sure I was in relationships
before but we both were never totally happy;' she says.
"Sure some of them were great people, but we were not
great together. And then I found KT. I was not even look,
ing, nor was she. I think we both had just settled at that
time in our lives. And poof ... we met. From the night we
met at her house for dinner, my life has never been the
same. I have perfect harmony with KT and there is not a
day that goes by that I do not thank God for giving me the
perfect relationship:'
But proving that for Orman all things-even romanceeventually circle back to financial security, she later adds, "I
have probably talked to more couples about money than
almost anyone out there. I can tell you without a shadow of
a doubt that money affects a relationship more than any,
thing else. 'M' just does not stand for marriage, it also stands
for money. If you cannot be on the same page about money,
you will eventually not be together at all:'
At the end of the day, perhaps Orman's greatest lesson
is really about togetherness, in both our personal lives
and in our community, because finance touches every part
of life, from the efficacy of our romantic relationships to
the strength of our community as a force for change. She
believes that to be a strong community, we must be a fiscally
secure one as well. But in order to achieve this, we need to
support strong and healthy financial habits in ourselves and
with one another. In doing so, we can become a community
that is able stand on its own.
This is an idea Orman has championed from the very
start: "If you look back all the way to my first book, you
will see that I have been gay friendly in every single one of
those books;' she says. ''And I've been inclusive rather than
exclusive:' No doubt, with the powerful and passionate
Orman whipping us into shape, we are well on our way to
being as secure as we should be. (suzeorman.com) ■
Brandi Carlile I Joan As Police Woman
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he beating heart at the center of
up sophisticated local fare and an unbelievable
BRAZIL'S
caipirinha, the national cocktail of Brazil. Here,
Brazil's economy is also one of
BOOMING
they make it with passionfruit. Be sure to try a
the Southern Hemisphere's most
METROPOLIS
side dish off arinha, made from toasted manioc
exciting destinations for lesbian
WEARS A
flour, which adds texture to any dish. Seasoned
and gay travelers. As a testament
with butter and spices, f arinha becomes f arofato its popularity, Sao Paulo hosts the world's largest
CROWN OF
and when done right, it becomes almost more
Pride celebration, welcoming 4 million revelers
UNSTOPPABLE
delectable than anything else on the plate.
every June.
CHARISMA.
But Sao Paulo offers a world of dining choices.
Home to 11 million residents, Sao Paulo is the
By Kelsy Chauvin
world's seventh-largest city-and
due to the sheer
Because the city has the largest Japanese popusize of this teeming metropolis, the list of things to do
lation outside of Japan, sushi and noodles are
especially good here, and Sushi Lika (near the
and see is both dazzling and daunting. Fortunately,
Liberdade metro stop) and Temakeria (temakeriaecia.com.br) are
the city is made manageable by a stellar subway system and a
appetizing options. The modest, gay-owned, Mexican-Brazilianseemingly endless stream of passionate Paulistanos, always ready
African restaurant Oba ( obarestaurante.com.br)
is cozy and
to show a visitor a fabulous time.
delicious, especially the rice with jambu, a green spice whose taste
Sao Paulo rivals its famously glam neighbor, Rio de Janeiro, in
is mildly electric. Lunches will go easy on your wallet at any of the
culture, architecture and culinary traditions-not
to mention its
open-air botecos-just ask around and a helpful Paulistano will no
greater GLS contingent (gays, lesbians and sympathizers).
In this vibrant city, the power-lunch crowd is not short on
doubt show you the best ones.
outrageously delicious choices, and local flavors outdo anything
When you're ready to splurge, don't miss Figueira Rubaiyat
served up in other major cities. The Bar da Dona Ons:a restaurant
(rubaiyat.com.br), where you can try the city's best steak, along
(bardadonaonca.com.br), owned by local celebrity chef Janaina
with many other unbelievable dishes (try the fire-roasted hearts of
Rueda, brings dishes to the table that are even better than mama
palm) while you sit under an enormous, century-old fig tree.
used to make-many
of which showcase lots of succulent meat.
Let's face it-finding great food will probably be the easiest part
Try the minced beef stewed with okra (in Portuguese, carne of your visit to Sampa. But there is much more to experience in
moida com quiabo), served with collards (couve) and topped with
this sprawling metropolis. Head to the gay strip, Rua Frei Caneca,
a fried egg, or the traditional braised leg of suckling pig (stinco to shop, people-watch and kick back with cool caipirinhasor beer
from Colorado, a local microbrewery.
de leitoa caipira). Both dishes will send your digestive system into
carnivorous overdrive.
Lesbian-owned bars and parties (where men may be restricted)
At the gorgeous Dalva e Dito (dalvaedito.com.br), drop by on
are gloriously abundant and extremely sexy here. Two of the best
a weekday for the "executive lunch;' a tasting menu that serves
are the monthly party Cafe para Elas and the biweekly Affair para
62
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Abundant South American
produce; Local lesbians at
Pride; Mega-metropolis by day
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Meninas, both at Sonique (soniquebar.com.br), a hot bar in the
Caneca gayborhood. Valentina is a nomadic party (facebook.com/
festa.valentina.7) that summons a slightly older crowd and a lot
less Lady Gaga. Vermont ltaim (vermontitaim.com.br) and Farol
Madalena (farolmadalena.com.br) are the friendly go~to lez clubs,
both with live samba music and dancing most nights.
Check out Time Out SaoPauloand the listings at Dykerama.com.
br for what's happening during your visit. And drop by the central
tourist info center at Mario Covas Park on Avenida Paulista to pick
up helpful gay~friendly maps and other tips.
Av. Paulista is Sao Paulo's main drag, and this wide boulevard
shuts down every year for the city's rollicking Pride parade, as well
as its Carnival, and many a soccer~victory celebration. Paulista is
also the dividing line between upper~ and lower~class Sao Paulo,
and along it you'll find the enormous bookstore and cafe Livraria
Cultura (livrariacultura.com.br), which provides a quiet respite
from the buzzing streets around it. For a taste of art, duck into
the eye~catching Museu de Arte de Sao Paulo (masp.art.br, free
entry every Tuesday). Its four huge red beams suspend the struc~
ture above ground level, so the viewer's sight line into downtown
is unimpeded.
Shopping is, of course, both international and local in this
bustling city. Stroll lower Rua Augusta, Alameda Lorena and Rua
Oscar Freire to browse big~name and no~name shops, and pick up a
pair of Brazilian Havaianas flip~flops at its flagship store, or sample
innovative fragrances and skincare products at the new Natura
cosmetics store.
It's true, Sao Paulo is enormous and dynamic and, yes, its traffic
can be woefully thick. But with a little planning and a little flirtingwhich happens to be the international language of Brazil-you may
find that Paulistano passion has intoxicated you. ■
IF YOU GO
As it's grown in popularity, especially among
business people, Sao Paulo has been made
accessible by direct flights from New York on
American, Delta, United and a few others. Airfare
runs around $900 roundtrip and puts you up there for
about nine hours.
The Brazilian real (plural, reais) is an increasingly strong currency, thanks to the country's robust
economy, but what you'll spend locally is on par with
a big-city vacation. Your best bet is to go cheap by
day and indulge by night-which starts on the late
side, by the way (think 9 p.m. dinners).
Clubs typically charge covers from $1 0 to $20
(cheaper in advance or before midnight), and when
you go in, they'll take your credit card info and give
you what looks like a gift card to buy drinks at the
bar (tip with cash as you see fit). Then, on the way
out, check out at the cashier and pay the total. This is
a safe way to avoid losing your cash in the club-but
could be dangerous when it comes to buying drinks
for pretty ladies.
HALLOWEEN
IN NEW ORLEANS
rom the moment you arrive at Louis
to while away your Sunday. For a slap,up lunch
YOU WILL FIND
Armstrong International Airport, the
and, some say, the best fried chicken and catfish
ACCEPTANCEauthentic spirit of New Orleans grabs
in town, DookyChaseat 2301 Orleans Ave. is a
AND YOUR ALTER beloved local institution rebuilt to the last detail
you like a six,foot,four drag queen
EGO-IN THE
after Hurricane Katrina. The establishment's
and never lets you go until, indelibly
CRESCENT CITY.
matriarch, Leah Chase, was at the helm starting
imprinted with glitter (and a hangover), you leave
1941, and her devoted grandson now carries
in
for home, feeling more like yourself than you have
By MerrynJohns
on the family tradition, offering affordable and
in a while. Here, in The City That Care Forgot, or
authentic Creole and soul food. If you're in
NOLA, as it is referred to by locals, you can really be
yoursel£ which may even be someone else, because
New Orleans with your sweetheart, treat her
Cafeon Chartres Street, east of the French
for Halloween, as for Mardi Gras, or for that matter any time of
to dinner at Feelings
Quarter. It's known as the most romantic restaurant in town and
year, no amount of gay guising is too much. This town doesn't bat
a false eyelash at anything, which makes it the perfect place for a is off the tourist trail. The Old World atmosphere and cobblestone
dyke to explore her inner decadence.
courtyard will transport you to a simpler time.
THINGS TO DO
WHERE TO DRINK AND PARTY
>
<(
Art is the lifeblood of this city, devoted as it is to self,expression.
at 241 Royal Street is worth
The lesbian,owned AngelaKingGallery
a visit to take in some quality contemporary art and to support the
gallery owner, a lesbian,art lover and California transplant, and the
community of art,lovers she fosters. For some local color, Dr.Bob's
FolkArt Complexoffers up mixed,media pieces (many a work is
bedecked in beer caps straight off the local brews) priced from
as little as $35. But NOLA is now on the map as a major U.S.
arts destinations thanks to the superb collections at the Ogden
Museum,which presents the most comprehensive assemblage
ArtsCenter,
of Southern art in the world, and the Contemporary
which fearlessly hangs emerging and experimental pieces that
would be right at home in New York City. The healing arts are
Healing
flourishing here, post, Katrina, especially at the NewOrleans
Center,a holistic and sustainable center with programs promoting
physical, nutritional, emotional, environmental and spiritual well,
being. And lovers of the musical arts can bask in the sounds of
every genre as national superstars sit down with the local talent
which is held every year around
at the VoodooMusicExperience,
Halloween, come hell or high water.
:::i
~
WHERE TO EAT
Yes, you can drink in the street in NOLA, but there are some
lovely indoor bars, too! LoaBarat the International House Hotel
is a classy, candlelit destination where you can imbibe some of the
most innovative cocktails in the city. For a more over,the,top
experience, the ChrisOwensClubpresents its legendary burlesque
performer and owner in a seemingly endless night of singing,
dancing and audience participation. The exhibitionism required
of this evening is certainly a good excuse to tie one on, and I was
boozily charmed by our hostess, Owens, who, although she must be
about to attain septuagenarian status, still mesmerizes her audience
with impeccable timing and showgirl chutzpah. If you are in town
for Halloween, the best party comes courtesy of Project Lazarus,
whose motto-Living
in the Positive-should
apply to all of us,
as well as the AIDS survivors they support. This year's theme for
the four,day bacchanal, October 25-28, is Monster Brawl, so let
your creativity and imagination run wild, because the main event
and costume party on October 27 will be uninhibited, to say the
least. Southern Decadence is the weeklong, boy,focused gay event
held over Labor Day Weekend, and, thankfully, the girls decided
to create their own answer to this male debauchery: Dykeadence
(dykeadence.com). Also held over Labor Day Weekend, this festi,
val focuses on solidarity, safety, visibility, and, of course, letting it all
hang out. The girls even have their own outrageous contingent in
the boys' Southern Decadence parade, followed by a festival of live
music, comedy, queeraoke, book club and family day. "Our parties
are wild;' says the organizer, Sara V. Pie. "Wild in a way unlike any
other parties in the country. We are a city that embraces deviance,
and we are always pushing boundaries:•
Yes, they push boundaries every day in New Orleans, and don't
think for a minute that Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Gustav,
or any other strangely,named tropical storm will bring this city's
stride to a halt. As the locals say,"Laissez les hons temps rouler"-let
the good times roll. ■
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It's not exactly news that New Orleans is a foodie town, but the
fact that it's a walking and drinking town means you should
start your day with a good, solid breakfast. Stanley,a restaurant
conveniently located on historic Jackson Square in the French
Quarter, dishes up eggs poached with cornmeal,crusted oysters
and Creole hollandaise, while Lil'Dizzy'son Poydras Street serves
filling French toast, as well as the local staple, shrimp and grits.
For a fancier time-mimosas,
music and museum,worthy decor,
Hotelis unbeatable for brunch. This stately Southern
the Columns
establishment offers elegance without stuffiness and overlooks
leafy St. Charles Avenue in the Garden District. It's the perfect spot
October 2012
I 65
LUST IN
THE DUST
urning off the freeway near a
small town in the desert, we
followed the female voice of the
GPS, over the railroad tracks and
down a dirt road heading into the
It was incredible to see her laughing and joking
about a 1,ton bull stepping on her. Given the ease
with which she talked about riding, I assumed
she'd grown up with it, but Sara is relatively new
to the sport. About five years ago, she went to
mountains.
a bull,riding workshop and found herself in the
We parked at the base of a hill in an unpaved
throes of a new passion.
Words and Photos
"It's crazy-I mean, I love it. It's, oddly enough,
lot with pickup trucks and horse trailers, not sure
By Kristin Flickinger
one of the most challenging things I've ever done
exactly what we would find at the top, where dust
in my life. It's so much mental. It's so much
was rising against the stark blue sky.
My partner turned to look at me excitedly. Then
physical. You can psych yourself out of it in a
second just by a million things:'
I heard it-the distant thunka,thunka of a gay club that meant
It's not just the bull riding that keeps Sara coming out, week
everything would be just fine.
after week.
We put on the matching straw hats we'd bought in Mexico,
"It's like a second family, really. Everyone takes care of each
crested the hill, gravel crunching under our boots, and got our
first glimpse of the weekend ahead of us. On a concrete dance
other. Even though some people might be competing against
each other, you'll still loan everyone your gear. New people need
floor, hairy guys in tight tanks were two,stepping to Katy
a hand. Everyone's really awesome, takes care of each other. It's
Perry. Vendors were peddling everything from cowboy boots to
great to be around:'
glittering gowns to barbecue pork. And in the air, the smell of
In fact, earlier in the day, another cowboy had loaned Sara a
livestock. This was gay rodeo!
bull,riding vest ( used to keep you from breaking your ribs), when
With over 5,000 members and 24 local associations in North
she found she'd left her own vest at home.
America, the International Gay Rodeo Association (IGRA),
Hot Rodeo's queen, Rosie Sierra, sees gay rodeo as a place for
the world's largest, has been in existence since 1985. In many
women like Sara to grow.
ways, it's a lot like any other rodeo-there's
roping and riding,
"We have a lot of strong women in
horses and bulls-but
gay rodeo was
our rodeo organization, and we encour,
created specifically to welcome LGBT
age more women to do more:'
(and heterosexual) participants and
Whether you're new to gay rodeo
spectators, and to encourage both men
or a longtime veteran, the organization
and women to compete in every event,
has a lot to offer. After volunteering
whether it's pole bending or bull riding.
and participating for more than 20
Yup. The IGRA has female bull riders.
years, Rosie is still finding new ways
In May, at Hot Rodeo in Palm Springs,
to be involved. Next year, she plans to
I sat down with Sara Simunovich to talk
compete in pole bending, a beautiful
about bull riding. She was icing her arm
event where the horse and rider weave
after finishing up with a 2,000,pound
between poles in a timed competition.
so,called junior bull that had thrown
"It's a dance with you and the animal;'
her clear but tapped her calf with his
she says, smiling. "It's a perfect dance:'
hoof on the way down.
In addition to the traditional horse
"I got stepped on in San Diego and
and cattle events, IGRA has three camp
kicked in Phoenix. I should have broken
my leg in San Diego. I don't know how
(read campy) events: Goat Dressing
I didn't. I totally underestimated how
(putting underwear on a goat), Steer
Deco (tying a ribbon on the tail of a
much that would hurt;' she says.
steer), and the crowd favorite, Wild
Sara is lean-5 feet 2, 125 pounds in
her signature "cowboi" studded chaps.
Drag Race.
66
I curve
SADDLE UPGAY RODEO
IS THE NEXT
BIG OUTDOOR
ADVENTURE.
~
<J)
z
:J
~
0
0
52
1-
z
w
~
Hot Rodeo line-up
(Clockwise); Queering the
cowboy tradition; Cowboi
Sara Simunovich
CURVE SLEPTHERE
From budget to upscale, here are the best bunkhouses
cowbois and cowgirls.
for
Many people head to Palm Springs for the glitz of a big
event like Dinah Shore Weekend or the White Party. But
along with glam, it can also offer a warm and sunny respite
from the hustle and bustle of life. Those looking for a private
getaway can find amazing (and gay) options in a place
called the Desert.
Sun And Fun Vacation Rentals (sunandfunvacationrentals.
com), a major sponsor of Hot Rodeo (palmspringsrodeo.org),
is a gay-owned rental company that offers everything from
studios and condos to four-bedroom villas in the Greater
Palm Springs area. They even have gay-owned properties
like the gorgeous "Celebrity Living" house, which boasts
three bedrooms, a huge kitchen, and an immaculate backyard with a pool, a hot tub, and a BBQ area.
From the moment my partner and I drove up to the twocar garage, to our last dip in the gorgeous dark-bottomed
pool, this property surrounded us in chic comfort.
We love renting houses-for a number of reasons. A big
kitchen means we can cook whatever we want, whenever
we want. And, because the house is all ours, we can hop
in the Jacuzzi at any hour, skinny-dip in the pool, watch
movies in our cushy living room and have dinner in front of
the fire. In short, it means taking a vacation entirely on our
own terms.
Honestly, every day we're not in "our" Palm Springs
house, we miss it. So, whether you're heading to the Desert
for Hot Rodeo or just a weekend getaway, book yourself a
slice of gay heaven through Sun and Fun. [KristinFlickinger]
"IT'S A TOUGH WORLD TO
BE ACCEPTED IN. HERE,
l'M ACTUALLY THE ONE IN
CHARGE ... I GET TO FLANK, I
GET TO RUN THE ANIMALS, I
GET TO DO WHAT I LOVE TO
DO-AND
WITH A WONDERFUL
GROUP OF PEOPLE."
In Wild Drag, teams are made up of three people
and one wild steer. The team members have to get the
steer from a chute to a line 70 feet away, where the per,
son in drag has to mount the steer and ride it back to
the chute. Two buckles are awarded: for best time and
for best costume.
This was my partner's first rodeo, and she fell in love
with this event. I'm fairly certain we'll be making a
Wild Drag appearance sometime soon.
Along with bull riders and pole benders, animals
take center stage at every gay rodeo event. After our
chat, Sara brought us over to meet the bulls and their
handler, Jane Silva. Jane and her partner, Bill, breed
bulls that are ridden on the IGRA circuit as well as
on the perhaps better,known PBR (Professional Bull
Riders) circuit. We climbed into an open,air trailer,
where two of the goats from the day's events were
relaxing. We scratched their heads as Jane told us the
story of the three,legged goat they'd saved-the
goat
that now lives with them as a pet. I asked Jane about
the bulls.
'J\ctually, our bulls are born to buck. They're a special
68
I curve
breed. Saying you can get any bull to buck would be like saying
you can make any horse run in the Kentucky Derby. Obviously,
breeding is involved. And our animals, when you see them in the
pasture when we run them in, they buck without anyone on
them, any flank strap, because they love that athleticism, that
action. That's their exercise:'
We walked over to the pen where the bulls are kept, and
Mud, a 2,500-pound black-and-white bull, met us at the
fence. Sara introduced us.
"He's so strong. He just gives this power kick that blows
your feet out into a handstand. But you come along with
some alfalfa and he's like, 'What, food?' You can just scratch
his tail like a dog. He has these two switches:'
Jane told us that earlier, when Mud had run to the
fence after bucking a rider, sending people scrambling, he
was just looking for the cookies he knew were there. She
pulled out a bag of sweet-potato chips and we stood there,
feeding Mud from our hands. I asked Jane what it's like to
be a woman at a gay rodeo.
"Gay rodeo to me is very rewarding, because I love working
with the animals. That's my forte. With normal rodeo, it's
the last male bastion. Women are not accepted very readily
behind the chutes. There's very few women that are allowed,
at the PBR, to go and flank and load their own bulls. There's only
one that I know of. It's a tough world to be accepted in. Here, I'm
actually the one in charge, and it's preferred that way. I get to flank,
I get to run the animals, I get to do what I love to do-and with a
wonderful group of people:' (igra.com)■
FOR MORE INFO
CALL 954.288.8691
OR
AMY@PANDORAEVENTS.COM
October 2012
I 69
REVIEWSMusic Watch
The ButterflyEffect
Butterfly Boucher's new self-titled album is out now, and it's all about pleasure.
By Jess McAvoy
It's Sunday morning, and I'm
hung over and a touch nervous.
I've loved Butterfly Boucher since
I first heard "I Can't Make Me"
in 1993, and though her record
caught the attention of the likes
of David Bowie and Madonna,
the Australian-born, Nashvillebased multi-instrumental singersongwriter had dropped off my
radar. You can imagine my delight
when I discovered that she was
producing the new Missy Higgins
album, and that she had released
a brilliant new record of her own.
70
I curve
Howhaveyoubeen?Wherehaveyoubeen?
I just came back from a few days of promo
in N.Y.C., and before that about a month
in Australia on tour with Missy Higgins.
I was opening for her and playing in her
band as well. Missy's fans are really lovely
and wonderfully rowdy! I felt pretty lucky
to be able to play to her audience.
Howdidyoutwostartworkingtogether?
We met at Lilith Fair. I didn't know this,
but she had come onto Lilith to play a few
solo shows, and we got talking backstage,
and she goes, "Oh yeah, I haven't really
been doing my music:' I was like, "What do
you meant
She said, "Oh, I kinda quit, and this is
the first set I've done in years! I just lost the
joy of music and felt I didn't have anything
to offer:'
So when she asked me if I ever co~write,
I immediately said I wanted to. I was like,
Gosh, I want her to have that back! I've
always been most confident in feeling like
I had something to offer in music, so I
wanted her to have that back. She came to
Nashville, and Katie Herzig and I became
part of her circle of friends very quickly.
Her management responded really well to
even those demos. So I put my hand up for
co~producing the album, and now we've
been touring together and it's been a really
natural collaboration.
You'vewritten three recordsin a decade.
Haveyouwrittenmuchrecently?
No, that's the thing! I'm not prolific at all!
That second album really dried me up.
Songwriting was no longer something that
I turned to. That was the whole sadness,
really. I didn't have an opinion on my songs
anymore. I delivered Scary Fragile and it
sat there for three years-they
wouldn't
release it. I started thinking, Well, if I just
do one song that the label really likes, then
this is a great opportunity. Unfortunately,
you just start losing ... you're not writing
it with the same heart. All of a sudden I
didn't know if it was good or not, and it
shook my whole confidence. You'd think
I'd have been writing all those years, but
I wasn't. It wasn't enjoyable. Why would I
write, when there's no outlet for it? I want
to make practical art.
Whatchanged?
I turned 30 and I went, Oh shit! I need to
do as much as I possibly can and not get
hung up on radio and being a star. It's more
about the bigger picture and leaving a body
of work. If I get hit by a truck tomorrow,
I want to know I have done as much as
possible to leave a legacy.
Tellmeaboutyourtransition
frommajorlabel
to independent.
It's really interesting, going independent-I
thought I was pretty independent already.
But now, yes, you're calling all the shots,
but it's 10 times more work, and I don't
think I could have done it without the
experience [of being on a major label]. I've
had to relearn a lot of things too, simple
things like updating websites, booking all
of the entourage, things I didn't have to
think of when I was on a major. People
aren't buying records, really, any more, so
you have to be creative. It's about coming
up with the good ideas.
I keep coming back to that simple thing
0£ OK, I need to enjoy this, and I need
to keep making music. I want to leave the
most I can possibly leave. In whatever way
I can do that, I will do that.
Whatadvicedoyouwishyou'dbeengiven?
I wish somebody had told me to prioritize
enjoying it, earlier on, and also to keep
your eye on the bigger picture and not
to be so precious. It's the career, and not
song~by~song.
Whatadvicewouldyounowgiveto aspiring
femalemusicians?
My first instinct is,"Don't do it! Pick some~
thing else:' [Laughs] If it is in your blood
and it's what you know you want to do-if
you're passionate about it-keep doing it.
Don't ever stop. If you look at any of the
people that you admire, like David Bowie,
Morrissey, they kept going. They never
stopped. (butterfiyboucher.com) ■
October 2012
I 71
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
The Mind'sEye
EllenForney'snew memoir graphicallyportrays her bipolar disorder. By Grace Bello
The author Ellen Forney likes to say she's had three coming
outs. First, she announced that she was bisexual-not
too hard
for someone who lives in Seattle and whose mother is a lesbian.
Second, she came out as a cartoonist (rather than becoming a
therapist, as she had originally planned), landing gigs at Seattle's
alt-weekly The Stranger and writing comic books including Lust
and I Was Seven in '75. But her third coming out was the most
difficult. She had to tell her friends and family that she has bipolar
disorder, a long-term mental illness that, when left untreated, can
even lead to suicide.
In the 12 years since she was diagnosed, it has gotten easier to
tell loved ones about her condition, as well as to manage it. But
her new graphic memoir, Marbles, raises the stakes. In it, she publicly lays bare her affliction: For her it entailed hypersexuality, a
pharmacopoeia of medications and friendships that were strained
and broken. She tracks the ups and downs of her illness from its
highs, when she was "vibrating with sexual energy" and hooking
up with friends and strangers alike, to the crushing lows, when
she took Tegretol (Carbamazepine) and could
no longer have an orgasm. Forney, with a darkly
funny honesty and powerful imagery, illustrates
what it means to have a disease that affects only
1 or 2 percent of the adult population-but
that
most people are afraid to talk about.
Yet how to embark on writing about the most difficult time in her life:' "I waited a number of years,
until I felt that I was securely stable, so that I could
tell the story and not feel like I was going to be breaking
down in a much more public way;' Forney says. Part
of coming to terms with her illness required looking
back at some of the world-changing artists she admires
and who, yes, also had mood disorders: among them are
Georgia O'Keeffe, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath. Of
O'Keeffe, Forney says in the book, "I was manic for my sexier photo
shoots. Could she have been, toot She then comically draws a
high-energy, wild-eyed O'Keeffe shouting, "I want more wine!"
Forney at first finds these "crazy artists" inspiring-"If these people
are this productive and this amazing, then I thought maybe I could
at least get myself together" -but also realizes how problematic it
is to romanticize the madness.
After she discovered others who had the same affliction, Forney
felt ready to examine her own experience. "Part of the way mania
manifested itself in me was hypersexuality;' she says. In the beginning of Marbles, the author includes a nude photo shoot with her
and her friends Molly and Anita, which was slated to become a
comic for Eros Comix. The images portray a naughty grrl bandthey stop by a lingerie store after rehearsal, play dress up with
fishnet stockings and garter belts and have sex in the fitting room.
721curve
But after loading up on sugar and cigarettes,
Forney says, between acts of foreplay, "My
brain was sizzling and Anita was right with me:' She kisses
Anita with abandon but loses track of her Eros Comix narrative
entirely. In fact, this scene's inclusion in Marbles marks the first
time it has seen the light of day. She never completed the book.
She says,"When I was manic, I would have a difficult time following through on my ideas. Mania, basically, is either lacking focus
or hyper-focused. And then I'd be depressed-it
was just hard to
have any sort of inspiration:'
Forney depicts depression elegantly. On one wordless page of
the book, she shows a simple, faceless figure struggling to get out
of bed, wrapping itself up in a comforter and heading to the living
room, only to curl up and sleep on the sofa. Here, her graphic
memoir does what text can't: it portrays a devastating mood for
which there are no words. To guide Forney from this state back
toward stability, her doctor put her on a cocktail of meds. From
Depakote to Lithium to Lamictal to Tegretol, she shows the impact
these drugs had on her body and her mind. This last drug crippled
her ability to have an orgasm, so she turned to marijuana to take
the edge off. In reflecting on this for Marbles,she says, "Here's one
thing that made doing this book difficult: Memory is really bad
during depression and during mania. I don't know what this book
would have been like without my journals. And I got my medication
history from my psychiatrist, so that I could track the dates and
try to remember-'Oh
yeah, when I was on Tegretol, this is what
happened: ,, For the author, this book is, as she describes it,
"cathartic;' but it is also a recovery project, a way for her to literally
recall her story, so that she can accept it, then share it.
Now that she's stable, and has been since 2004, she can even
put her experience to good use-to the best use: 'Td say it's been
great for my creativity:' No longer wanting to indulge the "crazy
artist;' as she did when she was first diagnosed, she sees Marbles
as a therapeutic exercise, and hopes it will be an inspiration for
others with mood disorders. "It will give maybe some specific
ideas to people who have similar outlets, like, 'Oh, I could do
this in my sketchbook!',, she says. "To be able to externalize your
feelings, to be able to put them out there and put them outside
of yourself, to examine them, it's really super important and very
comforting and an important part of therapy:' And what about
coming out so publicly as bipolar?"lt's not so terrifying anymore.
It's more exciting, because the reactions that I have gotten have
been positive. But it's definitely opening myself up, something
that is very personal and not always easy;' she says. "I don't know
that it's ever easy:' ■
MORE THAN A MOUTHFUL
Two collections of essays tell our stories in our own words.
SisterSpit:Writing,
Rants&
Reminiscence
fromtheRoad,Editedby
MichelleTea(CityLightsBooks):Sister
Spitis alreadya legend,andthis bookwill
ensureits longevitybeyondthefamethat
evenanendlessroadtrip couldoffer.It's
alsothefirst releasefromCityLights'new
publishingimprint,SisterSpitBooks,which
MichelleTeawill edit.Withhernetworking
prowessandexperienced
literaryqueer
ear,there'snodoubtthatthiswill bea
successful
newimprint.Originating
in
SanFrancisco
in 1994asa spokenmic
revue,SisterSpitsoonmorphedintoa
travelingqueercabaret.Bynow,the Sister
Spitvanhascrisscrossed
thecountry
countless
timesandevenmadea sweep
throughEurope.
However,
as botha written
homageto SisterSpit'sparticipants
andan
attemptto reproduce
its frenziedspoken
wordenergyonthe page,this bookhas
a trickydualityto fulfill.In somewaysit
succeeds,
asthe immediacy
of the roadis
broughthomewell in severalof the pieces.
TheseincludeBlakeNelson'stourdiary
entriesandRhiannon
Argo'saccountof
a portionof the EuroTrashtour,"I'm Not
Lost,I JustDon'tKnowWherethe FuckWe
Are."Non-tourrelatedpiecesincludeMarie
Yoas'"Training
for Goddesses,"
Eileen
Myles'"February13,1982,"andTara
Jepsen's"WhoKnowsthe Secretto the
Pleasure
of a Woman."Thepremiseof this
collectionis a goodone,andthe lightning-
fast paceof the selections
will engageits
targetaudienceof youngerdykereaders.
However,
in the end,its feistymessage
maybedrownedoutby its unevenwriting,
poorlyreproduced
graphicart andan
insurmountable
splitpersonality.
Theletter Q:QueerWriters'Notes
to theirYounger
Selves,Editedby
SarahMoon(ArthurA. LevineBooks):
Critiquing
this collectionfeelsa bit like
critiquingthe "It GetsBetter"campaign.
Infact,it feelsa littlemean,because
youknowthis book'sheartis in the right
place.Thebasicpremiseof TheLetterQ
is a well-meaning
one.It's a compilation
of shortlettersfromwritersto their
youngerselves,designed
to besupportive
anduplifting.Upbeat,
shortandquippy,
theselettersaredesigned
to beslurped
downlikea popsicleona hotsummer
day.Envisioned
as a wayto connectgay
andlesbianwritersbothto theiryounger
selves,andto youthwhomayneedto hear
theirmessage
of hope,it's truethatthe
lettersareinspiring.Mostwritersin this
collection,includinglesbiancontributors
DianeDiMassa,
Jacqueline
Woodson,
MalindaLoandEileenMyles,earnestly
acknowledge
the difficultyof beinga
younggayor lesbianpersonandask
theiryoungerselfto trustthatthingswill
getbetter-that theywill findtheirtribe,
theywill find love,finda purposeandfind
themselves.
Andyet,it wouldhavebeen
this reviewer'spreference
if someof the
lettershadbeena bit longer,sothatthere
wasmoreemotionaldepthto the book,
insteadof whatI felt wasmerelya surface
skimmingof the issuesgayyouthface.
Additionally,
mostof thewritersincluded
areover40 yearsold,hardlya crowdthat
will beknownto LGBTteens.Andfor a
bookthatclaimsit's "queer"andaimedat
LGBTyouth,thereis a tremendous
paucity
of bisexualandtransgender
writers.With
transwritersveryprominent
thesedays,
the omissionof anyopenlytranswritersat
all is shocking.Still,standoutcontributors
includeMarionDaneBauer,LindaVillarosa,
PaigeBraddock's
cartoonstrip,"MyAdvice
to Me"andJewelleGomez,
whosumsup
the book'smessage
wellasshewritesto
heryoungerself:"You'rea colored,lesbian
feministwriter-sorry, nothingto bedone
aboutthat.Thismaybea lotfor a tenyear
oldto takein,sojust breathe.First,the
publishing
worldwill alwaysmarginalize
youbecauseit thinksnoonecareswhat
womenof colorhaveto say.Nowthe good
news:If youcarepassionately
aboutwhat
we haveto say,you'llloveto writeno
matterhowmarginalized
youmightbe,
andyouwon'tbealoneoutthereonthe
margins."[RachelPepper]
October 2012
I 73
REVIEWSTech Girl
SwitchedOn
Alpha dykes can make the world their office with these devices. By Rachel Shatto
Remember when work hours meant 9-5, Monday through Friday? Ah, those were the days. But as any business-savvy lesbian
can tell you, in today's world of smartphones, tablets and light-as-a-feather laptops, the workday never really ends. So whether
you're scaling the corporate ladder or masterminding a startup, you need the right tools to take the office on the road and
never miss another deadline! Here are 10 raring-to-go-gadgets that will allow you to keep up without slowing down.
0
1. ON THE RECORD
Whetheryour businessrequiresyouto attend
meetings,recordinterviewsor evenjust your
thoughts,the PhilipsLFH0655VoiceTraceris the
perfecthandheldvoicerecorderto take on the road.
Its low-noisemicrophoneallowsit to pick up voices
clearly,which makesfor crystalclearrecordings,
andthe plug-and-playcablemeansuploadingand
savingthe audiois a snap.($75,amazon.com)
... .
.......
·.........
.......
..... .. ..
..........
...........
.... ....
........
·.........
.....
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..·......
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••...~~\)
2. TO THE POINT
Thebestwayto lightenyour loadis to usedevices
that can multitask.Streamlineyourgadgetswith
Logitech'sadorablelittle Cube.Thisdevice,which
fits neatlyin the palmof your hand,doublesas
a trackpadfor yourcomputerand as a wireless
remotefor presentations.
Sowhether
on the receivingor givingendof a
conference,the Cubeis all you'll need.
($70,logitech.com)
3. SUNNY SOLUTION
Whenyou'reon the roadwith your laptop
andtechnologicalsundriesridingshotgun,it's
just too easyto get tangledup in adaptersand
powercords.Evenwith all thosecords,dwindling
batterylife is still an ever-loomingthreat.Voltaic
Systems'GeneratorLaptopChargingSolarBag,
with its built-in solarpanel,is an elegantand
eco-friendlysolutionto bothof thoseproblems.
($400,voltaicsystems.com)
4. ZEN TO GO
If you'veeverluggedaroundyour laptop
all day,you knowhow quicklyit can
start to feel like you'reactuallydragging
arounda desktopcomputer.ThefeatherlightASUSZenbookUX31A is just what
yourachingshoulderis beggingfor! This
ultra-sleekPCboastsa high-resolution
screen,backlitkeyboard,and clockingin
at underthreepoundsit's perfectfor the
enterprisingpowerlesbianon the go.
($1,000and up,amazon.com)
74
I curve
O
5. SMALL WONDER
8. KEY ACCESSORY
Forthe networkinglezzie,the SlimScanSS100is
the gadgetof yourdreams.Thiscreditcard-sized
portablescanneris smallenoughto fit in a wallet
but its high-resolutionscansmeanyou'll never
loseanotherbusinesscardor receipt.Notonly
doesit capturethe info but it alsoautomatically
convertsscansto editableforms,allowsyouto
easilyimportcontactsandwhenconnectedto
yourcomputercreateseasy-to-customize
expense
reports.($94,amazon.com)
Doyou loveyour iPadbut hatethe
touchscreenkeyboard?ThenLogitech's
UltrathinKeyboardCoveris just
what you'vebeen
waitingfor.Thisstylish
aluminumcaseattaches
magneticallyand protects
yourtabletfrom accidentaltumbles.
It alsodoublesas a full, super-thinkeyboard,
which connectsvia Bluetoothand cansupportthe
iPadin bothportraitand landscapeposition.
($100,logitech.com)
6. HOT TO TROT
Beyourowntravelinghotspotwith the Verizon
JetpackMiFi.With it youcan connectbetweenfive
and 10 Wi-Fienableddevicesat onceto a 3G/4G
wirelessconnection.Whichmeansyour laptop,
phone,notebook,assistant(andall their gadgets,
too)can alwaysstayconnectedin over200
countries.($50,verizonwireless.com)
7. CHARGE AHEAD
Sapphicretailerscan breakout of the
brick and mortarwith the Squarecredit
card reader.Whenattachedto your
iPhone,this fabulouslittle gadget
turnsthe world into yourstorefront
by allowingyouto processcredit
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0
October 2012
I 75
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
The Buzz AroundHysteria
Behind the scenes with lesbian director Tanya Wexler. By Kathleen Wilkinson
The "coming"jokes just don't stop about this
film. How can they, when it's based on the
invention of the vibrator? A feel-good film
like no other, it proves that, yes, feminists can
have a sense of humor. And, while director
Tanya Wexler touches on the impossible
conditions of women's lives in Victorian
England, she handles her electromechanical
star with wit and humor.
The film centers on the tool's inventor, Mortimer Granville, who's played by
Hugh Dancy. He is a medical progressive, but otherwise upholds the traditional
Victorian values, especially when it comes
to women."! made a great feminist romantic comedy about a guy, right?;' Wexler told
curve when the film played at the San
Francisco International Film Festival in
76
I curve
May. "There's a great female character [but
the film] could be called The Education of
Mortimer Granville. He needs to come to
terms with the fact that everything around
him is slightly based on bullshit:'
Maggie Gyllenhaal plays Charlotte, "that
truth teller, that Katharine Hepburn -style
character who can't help it:' Whether it
costs her or not, she has to speak her mind.
"It reminds me of being in school and raising my hand, even though I know I'm going
to get hell for it later;' Wexler (a Yale graduate) notes. "I just have that thing I just have
to say:'
Wexler reports that for her main
characters she was able to get the actor
who was first on her wish list. "The three
amazing women who were my producers ...
we all sat around when we were talking
about casting and we said, 'Charlotte has
to be a woman that women love-when
you throw out names ... [women] go, 'Oh,
I love her!'" With Maggie, "She feels real,
even if it's the movie star level of real.
She's gorgeous and smart-you
feel the
intelligence and the passion ooze out of her,
the way I felt when I saw Emma Thompson
for the first time. We were really aiming for
that Hepburn-like quality, and Maggie has
that in spades:'
The droll Rupert Everett steals the show
as Granville's friend, a bored, upper-class
dilettante who despises the middle-class
work ethic and is obsessed with goodlooking young men-and electricity. Wexler
describes him as the "first tech geek;' because
he ultimately helps spawn the invention.
"There was something about the English
at that time, in the 1880s, and just how
strict the cultural codes were. That's what
made it funny, and that's what made it all
possible. Everyone's pretending that this
isn't a sexual thing-it's
a medical thing.
Or they weren't even pretending. They really
believed it. As a result, it's
what actually allowed [the
vibrator] to get invented;'
says Wexler. As you can
imagine, the swag on this set
was not chocolates. When
asked to "name names" on
her favorite electric sex toy,
Wexler demurs. She did,
however, explain that with
the deluge of vibrators sent
to the film, she ended up with about 15.
And she gave every one of them to the
cast and crew, to make sure they touched
them and felt them. They got so many that
"Maggie was like, 'I have enough; so she
was giving them away to her friends:•
There was however one moment that
flummoxed the unflappable direc~
tor-owing
to the naughtiness of
the gadget-came
on the day after
the world premiere at the Toronto
International
Film Festival, where
the company Jimmyjane had pro~
vided beautifully boxed vibrators
for the entire audience. (The gift tag
read "Just what the doctor ordered:')
"My mother called me up and said,
'It was great, but I have one beef.
There weren't any of those little vibra~
tors left ... I wanted to send some to
my friends,' " Wexler recalls. "OK,
Mom, give me a number and where
to send it and I'll send you as many
never, ever talk to
you want-and
me about this again:'
She quickly adds: "On the other
hand, it's a vibrator movie you could
bring your mother to. I love that. It's
not supposed to be shameful:'
Wexler is part of a power couple
in New York's West Village. She and her
spouse, Amy Zimmerman, have been to~
gether for 21 years. "In lesbian years that's
only, like, five years;• she quips. Each gave
birth to two of their four kids. "We're the
crazy lesbians with all the kids;' she laughs.
"I had the odds and she had the even. We're
both ridiculously overcommitted:' Among
their many accomplishments, Wexler has
served on GLAAD's board of directors
and Zimmerman helped to get same~sex
marriage passed in the state of New York.
She had no idea her film would turn out
birth control:' Really, that's what we're
talking about:' ... So the movie ends up
being weirdly salient today:'
For Wexler, the important work revolves
around making a place at the table for
everyone, and showing people who are
multifaceted, and making it fun. Citing the
dismissal record for women directors-
"What [Charlotte]is fightingfor in the "1880sdoesn't
seem, at least in the Westernworld, to be that
revolutionary
... But now,just this year,we're talkingabout
birthcontrol?Really,that'swhat we're talkingabout?...
So the movieends up beingweirdlysalienttoday."
<(
sct
~
0
0
a:
<(
u
cc
to be so topical. The Republican "war on
women;' attacking women's reproductive
rights and their control of their own bod~
ies, adds an even deeper dimension to this
romantic comedy.'Tm just flabbergasted ...
I thought the politics in the movie were
much more about the characters. What
only 5 percent of the top 250 films last
year were directed by women (a number
that's going down) and there were none at
Cannes this year-she adds, "I think it's
much more about equal opportunity than
making everything 50~50 down the line ...
Nothing is handed to you ... I just want,
[Charlotte] is fighting for in the 1880s
doesn't seem, at least in the Western world,
to be that revolutionary-rights
over our
own bodies, the right to vote, some basics.
But now, just this year, we're talking about
like Charlotte, the right to get in the fight.
"Because of this film, I'm up for studio
pictures now:• She notes that a Hollywood
studio offered the guy who made 500 Days
of Summer the opportunity to make The
October 2012177
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
Amazing Spider-Man next. "They're going
Next up, she can't yet reveal the project
to try to give me some 'meaningful' character
but will say that it's a biopic about a welldrama. I would like a shot at WonderWoman known lesbian.
or Spider-Man.Hollywood will be looking
"It's about the lesbian relationship ...
for the chick' movie for me:'
I love this character," she says. She does
Her producer in the biz told
her she would get three shots,
even if they didn't do well, but she
saw it differently. "No, I'm a girl.
I get one, and if that works I'll
get another one:' In the end, her
friend agreed.
Perhaps because of that gender
disparity, Wexler also laments the
dearth of strong women characters
on the screen. "When I came out
TheFatBody
MaryMarie
of college it was 1992. Within a
(ln)Visible
(TLAReleasing)
couple of years, we had Aliens,
(WomenMake
The Accused, The Silence of the
Movies)
Thislesbianadjacent
Lambs, Terminator 2, Madonna's
film is all aboutthe
Blond Ambition tour, Thelma &
intimacybetweentwo
Thisdocumentary
Louise... sexy, smart women out
women,Maryand
shortby Margitte
there kicking ass, which is even
Kristjansson
explores Mariewholivein their
better than talking-although
it
ownbubble,spendfat acceptance-the
is the lesbian way to talk someingsummerdays
radicalideathatall
thing to death. Then all of a
bodiesaredeserving
of swimming,picnicking
sudden, it evaporated. If you
equalrespect-through andbathingtogether.
Here'sthe catch:Mary
interviews
withfat
wanted a strong woman, you got
and
Mariearesisters
activistKeenaBowden
Angelina Jolie with a gun, or the
whose
intimacycomes
and
openly
queer
occasional movie. Where did it all
living
in
suspended
fat
activist
Jessica
go?" Just now, we're starting to see
childhood.
Thefilm
Jarchow.
Bowden
and
strong teens or 20-somethings,
picksupasthetwo
Jarchow
share
their
she notes, citing Rooney Mara in
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Lawrence in The
Hunger Games. She would like to
and Jennifer
see similarly strong characters in
their 30s or older, and she'd like
to make a thriller herself.
In Hollywood, Wexler confesses, she accidentally saw a list of
directors under consideration for
an upcoming picture about a wedding. Of the 25 directors on the
list, she was the only woman. 'J\.re
you kidding mer You couldn't find
a couple of women [to consider] ...
I had already said I didn't want to
do anything with a wedding dress
in it. There's enough movies about
the idea that every girl wants to
get married-unless
it's so funny
and brilliant, like Bridesmaids:'
78
I curve
promise her lesbian fans she'll make sure it
includes some girl-on-girl action this time.
"It's sexy. Everyone likes to see girls kiss. I
really do:' Watch for that announcement
from Hollywood. ■
SoHardtoForget
Joe+ Belle
(Peccadillo
Pictures) (WolfeVideo)
Mostlesbian
romancefilms deal
with findinglove:first
love,lateblooming
love, andof course
the ubiquitousplucky,
down-on-your-luck
thirty-something
finallyfindingthe
one.ButSoHardto
Forgetdealswith a
differentstageof the
romanticcycle-the
heartbreakof love
lost,to the very
earlieststirringsof
storiesof discovering havereturnedhome
followingthe death
healingandmoving
bodyacceptance,
of theirmother.
They
on.ThisBrazilian
howfashionis a
film openswith
powerfulpoliticaltool, bouncearoundtheir
familyhome,whichis
the heroine,Julia,
theirexperiences
of
following
discrimination,
harass- stillfilledwithfurniture devastated
andfamilialbelongings a breakup.In order
mentandjudgment
buttheirmildlyerotic
to healshemoves
bysocietyandhow
to a beachhome
throughtheirvisibility symbiosisis upset
with two friends.But
andonlinepresence whena handyman
takesinterestin oneof whenherroommate's
theyareworkingto
the sisters,leavingthe cousinHelenaarrives
changethewayfat
otherto feellikea third thereis an instant,
peopleareviewedby
shot undeniable
chemistry,
othersaswellandhow wheel.Beautifully
in a stunning,idyllic
whichprovesto be
theyfeelaboutthemlocation,thefilm hasa just the motivation
selves.Thefilm also
Julianeedsto find
opensandcloseswith dreamlikequalityand
the strengthto finally
powerfulimagesfrom will appealto those
theAdipositivity
Project whoenjoyedthetaboo moveon.It's a fresh
takeon mattersof
of nudefat bodiesthat eroticismof SisterMy
the heartthat we all
arebothbeautifuland Sisterandthe artistry
of TheVirginSuicides. canidentifywith.
inspiring.
Inthis Sapphiccaper
moviefromIsrael,
Belle,havingjust
beenreleasedfrom
a mentalinstitution,
decidesto breakintoa
stranger'sapartment
to commitsuicide.
However,
whenthe
home'sresidentJoe
returnsit just takes
onelookbeforeBelle
realizesshehasone
verycute,blue-haired
reasonto live.Things
betweenthetwo are
quicklycomplicated
by
anaccidentalmurder,
whichforcesthe two
to go intohiding.Along
the way,theformerly
lonelycynicsfind
romanceonthe run.
Darklyhumorous,
Joe
+ Belleis a surprisinglyheartwarming
little romanticcomedy.
Soif youlikeyour
onscreenlesbian
romances
with a little
bit of crime,a whole
lot of crazyanddarewe sayit-the
possibilityof a happy
ending,thenputthis
film onyourmustwatchlist.
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October 2012
I 79
STARS
Autumn Fires
We burn with lust this October, and why not?
It is National Coming Out month after all. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Libra{Sept.24-0ct. 23)
There is so much chatter, intrigue and other stuff
going on behind the scenes that you may become
distracted and stressed. But that is a great excuse for
planning your escape to some relaxing far off retreat.
Toss off your concerns for a while and find time to chill
out. If money and time are tight, chill closer to home.
How about a scented oil bath with a bosom buddy?
Scorpio{Oct.24-Nov.22)
A friend can easily become a girlfriend if you give
her a chance. But be sure that this is what you really
want from her. Your life heats up in a variety of areas
including your finances and you may be more focused
on the bottom line rather than on her bottom line.
Libra{Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Sagittarius{Nov.23-Dec.22)
Sapphic Sagittarians are in the center of all the
action this October. So now that the spotlight shines
fetchingly on you, what will you do and say? Maybe
it's time to clean house-in more ways than one. Clear
away anything and anyone who is holding you back.
Because
theyaresocial
beings,Libralasseshave
troublebeingaloneanddoing
thingswithoutat leastone
bosombuddyto hangonto.
Theideaof goingto the movie
Capricorn{Dec.23-Jan. 20)
solo,eatingdinneralone
in a restaurant
or takinga Your day job suddenly gets a little more interesting
vacationfor oneis simply this October. Maybe it's because there is someone
toopainfulanddepressing new and ... ahem ...fascinating around the office. Ply
to contemplate.
Forthis your budding romance via the Internet with a few
reason,theytendto surround romantic tweets. But keep it light and lovely so you
themselves
witha bevyof don't scare her off.
attractivegalpalsandtendto
travelin socialpacks.College Aquarius{Jan.21-Feb.19)
wasprobably
a happytimefor Girlfriends help you in whatever crazy pursuit you
themwithits highly decide to undertake. Aqueerians tend to try to do it
socialdormitory
life and
themselves. But a helping hand can really help you
cozyroommates.
now. For those who are not interested in yet another
quixotic mission, use October to cocoon with your
special lady. And if you are in the meet market, it is
the perfect time to meet, greet and sweep someone
off her feet.
Pisces{Feb.20-March 20)
They love you at work. Play it out for all it is worth all
through the month. You will be given a small window
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is
theauthorofHerScopes: of opportunity to turn on your charm and mesmerize
the corporate snakes before they go back into their
A Guideto Astrology
baskets.
The secret of your success is to position
(Simon&
for Lesbians
yourself in the power nexus where you can eventually
Schuster)
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes).
Nowavailableasan ebook.
plot your revolution. And not a moment too soon!
so I curve
Aries{March21-April 20)
That rocket in your pocket can catapult you into
international airspace if you are not careful. Lambda
Rams have their finger on the pulse and the ways and
means to make their ways more meaningful. What are
you waiting for? Don't wait for the home delivery. Get
out there and make your life happen.
Taurus{April21-May 21)
Romance is high on your to~do list this month and
that is because you feel especially feisty and sexy. Strut
it like you mean it, Sapphic Bull. There are too many
lovely ladies to choose from and not enough rope to
lasso them all. So be discerning and let your heart be
your guide.
Gemini{May22-June 21)
Your outside activities may be taking up more of your
time this month. Just be sure that they don't infringe
on your inside activities. Lovergrrls need more of your
attention and their needs should take precedence over
any softball team or committee meeting. Or try to mix
business with pleasure by encouraging her to join you.
Cancer{June22-July 23)
It may be possible to have your cheesecake and eat it
too this October. Not only do you feel fantastically
fit, you are also more charming than usual (if that is
even possible) and can attract any lady you like. Life is
smooth in general. Even boring work projects are easy
to complete. So think about what and who you want
and go, go, go.
Leo{July24-Aug.23)
All of October is highlighted with radical fun from
some unexpected places. Ramp up your creative flair
and be prepared for lots of romantic opportunities.
Don't get tied down in the day~to~day. Be festive, be
flexible and be up for anything. Lovergrrls give you
enough rope to ... do whatever you want to with it.
Hmm, decisions, decisions.
Virgo{Aug.24-Sept.23)
You maneuver through any stressful situation with
aplomb and grace now. And that is because the fates
are smiling on you and sending you mellow vibes.
Increase your karma with good deeds for your favorite
women's charity. You have impact by the sheer force of
your beliefs and passions. Get your passion going. ■
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