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Description
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ToC Cover: Glorious Glenn Close by Kathleen Wilkinson (p44); The Return of the Indigo Girls by Dave Steinfeld (p30); Sapphic Spring Fashion (p38); Can An Open Relationship Work for You? By Yana Tallon-Hicks (p50); Love and Marriage by Allison Steinberg (p53); Sexy Entrepreneurs by Merryn Johns & Yana Tallon-Hicks (p56); A Lesbian Wedding in Central Park (p58); Cover Photo: Roert Ascroft.
See all items with this value
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issue
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1
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Date Issued
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January-February 2012
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol22_No1_January-February-2012_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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DOIT
YOURSELF
VALENTINE'S
DAYGIFTS
SURE TO
MAKE HER
MELT
WE
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ON
CURVE
PERSONALS
TODAY!
Features JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2012
44
Glorious Glenn Close
The award-winning Albert Nobbs star on
powerful women and playing gay again.
By Kathleen Wilkinson
30
The Return of The Indigo Girls
The iconic folk duo are back with a brilliant
new album. By Dave Steinfeld
38
Sapphic Spring Fashion
The Real L Word's fashionista Claire Moseley
keeps us on-trend for Spring.
Sex& Romance
We're heating things up with our
annual look at lesbian love and
life between the sheets.
50
Can an Open Relationship
Work For You?
Demystifying polyamory for lesbians.
By Yana Tall/on-Hicks
53
Love and Marriage
What does tying the knot mean for
your sex life? By Allison Steinberg
56
Sexy Entrepreneurs
Meet two women changing the face
of the sex toy industry. By Merryn Johns
& Yana Tallon-Hicks
58
A Lesbian Wedding
in Central Park
Celesbian turned celebrant Traci Dinwiddie
officiates lesbian nuptials in New York.
page74
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Actually, between the warm water, endless
sunshine and incredible variety of things to
eat, drink and do, it's quite easy for
everyone to go a little overboard
in Key West.
fla-keys.com/gaykeywest
1.888.279.3632
Departments JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2012
IN EVERY ISSUE
6
7
8
10
17
19
20
22
80
Letters
24
Do you feel that your spiritual side gets
short shrift just because you're gay? Start
the new year with the right balance between
faith and feist.
Contributors
Editor's Letter
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Out in Front
25
Scene
Lesbofile
Relationship Advice
0
The Two of Us
f£_
Our monthly profile of lesbian couples
who live, love and work together.
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Lipstick & Dipstick
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What it really means to marry.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
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11
Curvatures
Sexy corsets and lingerie for women
with curves, plus DIY Valentine's Day
ideas to warm her to you.
18
Laugh Track
The always-hilarious lesbian
comic and divorcee Suzanne
Westenhoefer serves up a healthy
dose of Sapphic cynicism.
72
■
Books: Our tribute to a lesbian publishing
legend.
74
76
78
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Food: Lesbian coffee to queer your cuppa.
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Curve's Valentine's Day
Gift Guide: The Super
Sexy Edition
Love it or hate it, Valentine's Day is
coming and if you ask us, it's the perfect excuse to grab your sweetie and
get your freak on. To help you in that
endeavor the Curvettes have cooked
up a very special gift guide featuring
extra-sexy items sure to heat things
up this holiday. Check out our NSFW
picks at curvemag.com.
Five Great Lesbian Films
to Watch Now on Netflix
Streaming
Who among us doesn't love a little
instant gratification? Well, we're going
to give it to you in the form of five
must-stream movies you can watch
instantly via Netflix. Do you fancy
British accents, like to get your kink on
or find cougars sexy? If so, you'll love
these lestastic films.
Behind the Scenes of
"A Lesbian Wedding
in Central Park"
Want more Traci Dinwiddie officiating
Julie and Jenn's wedding (page 50)?
Good news, we've got all the behind
the scenes goodies you're craving on
curvemag.com.
Win a Seven-Night
Stay in St. Croix
The lovely lezzie ladies of Sand Castle
on the Beach are celebrating their 10th
anniversary as owners of an amazing
beachfront haven in Frederiksted, St.
Croix and now is your chance to join
them for the vacation of a lifetime.
Visit curvemag.com to find out
Traci Dinwiddie
how to enter to win a seven night
does the honors
stay in this boutique hotel on the
edge of paradise.
-3'
A Lesbian Look at Occupy
Philadelphia
As the Occupy movement swept
across the United States demanding
economic equality and an end to
corporate personhood, curve columnist
Victoria A. Brownworth was front and
center at the protest in her home city:
Philadelphia. To see more of what she
witnessed visit curvemag.com and
check out the slideshow.
Good Reads
Read our interview with
up-and-coming fantasy writer
Sarah Toshiko Hasu, author
of the fresh new young adult
book Megume and the Trees
at curvemag.com.
January/February 2012
I5
LETTERS
Hot Topic: Bi Girls?
From Curve's
Facebook Wall
Is anyone else interested in an article on bi
girls? I would love you to get an interview
with Evan Rachel Wood or [Anna Paquin]
from True Blood. There is a lot of ignorance
about bisexuality even though most lesbians I
know have had some sexual history with men
or may in the future. Why can't we talk about
it? -Lucy D., N.Y.C.
Love[JaneLynch]!!!!!!-Tina Trotter
LoveLoveLovethenewissue!!
•
-MackenzieGraceMoynihan
JustgotourfirstissueofCurve
magazine.
Weknow,we know
...what
tookussolong??
Right??
Weloveit!!
¥-Stephanie TerriJacksonSonon
htfllALUt
~
Editor'sNote:We would be happy to do such an
article. We're waiting to hear backfrom representatives of Ms. Wood and Ms. Paquin.
Palestine's
Secret
Lesbian
World
CurveMagazine
posted
a greatpicture
of ChazBonodoinganimpression
of
Brando
shaving.
Theamount
of HATE
andjudgement
thelesbian
women
areleaving
incomments
absolutely
DISGUSTS
me.Howdareanyone
who
hasspenttheirlivesbeingjudgedfor
whotheyareEVER
judgesomeone
else
onandfortheirgenderidentity.
-Blair Hansen
Kindle Connection
Lesbian Lynch-pin
I have been appreciating the changes at curve.
The magazine is much easier to read and
more attractive these days. I love the balance
of articles, of both celebrities and lower profile
women. I think you cover women from all
walks of life, races and ages. As an older lesbian
I was especially happy to see Jane Lynch on
the cover. I always wondered why she wasn't
on the cover before, but better late than never,
especially since she has such a powerful message now, perfect for my Christmas coffee
table. She is a symbol of how far we've truly
come. -Annalise Farmer, London, Ontario
Living in New Zealand, it's hard to feel part of
a global lesbian community and I just wanted
to thank you for making curve available in
the Asia Pacific region for Kindle subscribers.
A paper-based international subscription is
just too expensive to justify so I was thrilled
when I discovered that your magazine is
available to my Kindle. After reading just
one issue, I feel reconnected with the lesbian
global community.
-Jenna Heller, Christchurch,New Zealand
Myfavoritemagazine
to getin mymail
box!Thanks!
:) -Hannah CrazyHawk
Kirsten
Vangsness
onthecover?!
You
justguaranteed
mebuying
thisissue
evenif I thought
thepageswereblank
inside.
Yeah,Garcia!!!
:D
-Marie-Eve Girard
State of the Union
In the article "Is Lesbian Culture Obsolete" on
curvemag.com, blogger Stephanie Schroeder
posed the question: if by becoming more mainstream and traditional are lesbians losing their
own unique activist culture?Here is a sample of
your spirited responses.
I FREAKING
LOVE
THISISSUE!!!
I adore
Kirsten
Vangsness!!!
I neverknewshe
wasgay,butohI hopedforit!Thisislike
earlyYuleforme,thankyou!!
-Rakuen Tachibana
Part of why it was so difficult for me to
come out as a lesbian for so long is because
I couldn't see lesbians like myself reflected in
"lesbian culture": femme, with children, and
in fact, longing to be a mother. -Anonymous
Poll
Where is the best place
to meet women?
38%
26%
20%
Mycouch,trawlingCraigslist
16%
Curvepersonals,
of course
I curve
Interesting opinion. However, I'll take my
house full of children and my gorgeous wife
over political activism and rebellion any day.
That's the beauty of the U.S. To each her
own! -Chaosprincess
Mylocalgaybar
Dykesandvegancafes,
it's theperfectmatch
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
6
I agree with the main point of the article
that the fact that some things have changed
shouldn't lull us into believing that everything
is all better and all changes are going to benefit
us. We need to be vigilant to make sure we
don't go backward. -Annabanana
115Like
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CONTRIBUTORS
KathleenWilkinsonlives with her spouse
Sharon and 5-year-old son Dylan in San
Francisco, writing on accomplished women
and fighting for social justice. She would
like to see a shift in lesbian visibility and an
end to police brutality and the achievement gap for children of color. A love of
Shakespeare landed her in UC Berkeley's
Master's program in English literature,
followed by work as an editor for San
Francisco Frontiers Newsmagazine and five
years writing critics picks for the gay Arts
& Entertainment section of sfgate.com.
Her articles have appeared in Utne Reader,
The Advocate, The Lesbian News and the
SF Bay Area filmmaker pub, Release Print.
Her interviews with accomplished women
include Dorothy Allison, Rose Troche,
Lisa Cholodenko, Martina Navratilova,
and Glenn Close on page 44.
BarbaraCorellahas been a professional
photographer for 20 years, but her love
of the art goes back much further. "I was
given my first camera at the age of 8;' she
says, "and I was hooked!" After earning her
photography degree from the Art Institute
of Fort Lauderdale in 1987, Corella started
shooting fashion and portraiture, then
moved onto still life and advertising. When
a friend asked her to photograph her
wedding, a new career began-one
that
incorporated all of the skills she'd learned
from other fields. "I love the excitement of
weddings;' Corella says. "My favorite part
is watching the day evolve and capturing
the moments that tell a story:' Her lesbian
wedding pictorial in Central Park is on
page 50. (bcorella.com)
AnnieEdmonds
has been a full time "memory
maker" for the past 11 years. Working in
Seattle, New York and Los Angeles she has
had the ability to hone her craft by studying
under the ever-watchful eye of some of the
nation's top photographers. Since graduating
from Brooks Institute of Photography in
2001, Annie shoots for editorials, fashion
companies, modeling agencies and travel
magazines. Passionate about work, travel
and family, this busy little bee currently
resides in Los Angeles. Her sexy fashion
spread featuring faux fur is on page 34.
(annieedmonds.com)
Following high school ClaireMoseleyfled
the Midwest to attend the School of Visual
Arts in New York City. After earning
her BFA in photography, and working at
fashion magazines and clothing brands,
Claire made another move to the opposite
coast. Newly settled in Los Angeles, she
recently appeared in season two of the hit
series The Real L Word and is now working
at Siren Studios, where she strives to find
her own unique take on fashion, strongly
associated with the styles and lifestyles of
her lesbian peers. Check out her musthaves for spring on page 38 and for more
of her inspired looks visit Anlnitial.com.
Editorial assistant EmelinaMinerois a 24year old California girl who laughs in the
face of danger and reads busy editors'
minds-that's
what makes her such a
great Curvette. When she isn't tracking
down facts, interviewing celesbians or
catching Buffy reruns she's working hard
to make people feel awesome with the two
online communities she helped create:
Community Bucket List, which enables
people to actively pursue their goals and
dreams by submitting action-oriented bucket
lists. She also co-created the Love Warrior
Community with her therapist mother,
which uses creative expression to help people
work on body love and self-acceptance.
Minero is passionate about people, equal
rights, travel and talking to you on Twitter
@CommKr8ve Writer. ■
January/February 2012
I7
EDITOR'S
NOTE
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
ON
THENIGHTthat gay marriage legislation passed
in New York State, my girlfriend of six years proposed to me.
I did not accept.
After living for years as persona non grata in the eyes of a
country that promises to champion the rights of its citizens,
but doesn't really-I was pissed. Yes, gay marriage passed
in New York, but, for example, because we're a bi~national
couple-she's
from Texas, I'm Australian-marrying
my
girlfriend does not unite us by giving
me residency status. If she (or I) were
a guy, it would. As is stands, I could
have a wedding but still live, uncer~
tainly and expensively, visa to visa.
What kind of second~rate status
does it confer on us if it doesn't have
the same benefits as opposite~gender
marriage:' Why can't I hold out for
the real thing:' I thought this country
had moved beyond the concept of
separate drinking fountains.
Even if marriage is a tired old
romantic idea, like a ride in one of
the horse~drawn carriages that roll
around Central Park-once you're in,
kind of uncomfortable, not politically
correct; and when you get off, expen~
sive-it should be available for all or
for none. A major reason is financial
security: A lesbian over 65 is twice as
likely to be poor as a married hetero~
sexual woman of the same age.
Being a lesbian is an enviable identity between the sheetsjust ask the porn industry. But in the streets it's another mat~
ter. Historically, the arc of our identities has swung between
promiscuous twisted sisters and U ~ Hauling serial monoga~
mists. It's even possible that as we watched the decay of the
marriage paradigm, lesbian stereotypes had a rebellious appeal
to us-after all, what lesbian isn't thoroughly disgusted by the
hollow, conventional gold~digging of Kim Kardashian:'
But after a lifetime of being discriminated against, I'd like
to have the same rights as the rest of my gender. This is our
Sex & Romance issue. I say, we have the sex down pat. Let's
take a closer look at why the automatic rights associated with
romance are equally important.
Love and
Marriage
41/4.
Merry~
Edito:-~/~:
merryn@curvemag.com
s I curve
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
LESBIAN
2012
MAGAZINE
I VOLUME 22 NUMBER 1
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenios
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Contributing Editors Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Stephanie Schroeder, Constance Parten
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
Editorial Assistants Rashida Harmon, Emelina Minero,
Rosanna Rios Spicer
OPERATIONS
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
National Sales
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, info@rivendellmedia.com
East Coast Sales
Kristin R. Thomas (704) 837-0171, kristin@curvemag.com
Robin Perron (910) 795-0907, robin@curvemag.com
Midwest Sales
Deidre Saddoris (303) 242-5479, deidre@curvemag.com
West Coast Sales
Chloe Safavid (415) 992-7738, chloe@curvemag.com
Business Development
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo,
Lauren Marie Fleming, Lisa Gunther, Melany Joy Beck, Gillian
Kendall, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Ariel Messman-Rucker, Constance Parten, Laurie K. Schenden,
Stephanie Schroeder, Lori Selke, Janelle Sorenson, Dave Steinfeld,
Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes,
Syd London, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Constance Parten,
Leslie Van Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
Phone (415) 871-0569 Fax (510) 380-7487
Advertising Sales (415) 692-5420
Subscription Inquiries (800) 705-0070 (toll-tree in us only)
(818) 286-31 02 (outside US)
Digital Edition Subscriptions zinio.com/digital.curvemag
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 22 Issue 1 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY
10034. Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $89.95
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355).
Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part,
without written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any
persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an
indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve
welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response.
Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be
returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No responsibility is assumed
for loss or damages. The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions of the editor,
unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription Inquiries: Please write
to Curve, Avalon Media LLC., PO Box 467 New Yori<NY 10034, email crvcs@magserv.com.
Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster:Send Canadianaddresschangesto crvcs@
magserv.com,Curve, PO Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8. Send U.S. address changesto
crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,CA 91615-7138. Printedin the U.S.
curvemag.com
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NY
Kellyand Bethany fell in love.
First with each other, then with Buffalo.
Check out their wedding video and photos at
VisitBuffaloNiagara.com/KellyAndBethany
VISIT
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While chocolates, flowers, jewelry and drama are ljhe standards for a lezzie Valentine's Day, we have an alternate suggestion o
sufport,
shake ~P thle standard sacch~rine holiday tradition: Go DIY. Not only wiH this ke~p ~r holiday season ocketbook off ..!i.ff
but by makling her somethin s ecial with your own hands you ca12,._put
a ersonal and intimate spin on youtromantic offering:_
1
This year, ditch the old stank bys and give these romantic and easy crafts a go.
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Workof Art
Put your love (making) on display-literally-with
the Love is Art Kit.
Created by multi-media artist Jeremy Brown, each kit contains a plastic sheet
to protect surfaces, a canvas big enough to play on, specially formulated paint
and even two pairs of disposable slippers and a body scrubber. Simply get
down and get dirty, then leave behind a one-of-a-kind abstract painting that
represents that special moment, which can then be stretched, framed and
hung on the wall. ($60, loveisartkit.com) [JillianEugenics]
ForeverFleurs
Flowers are beautiful and romantic,
but before you know it you're tossing
out sad wilted roses. So this year,
why not create a beautiful wilt-free
bouquet of handmade paper flowers
that will remind your ladylove that
she's special all year long? The best
part is they are incredibly easy to
make, and by mixing materials,
colors and sizes you can create a
unique and modern design. For an
added touch, personalize the paper
before cutting it with a poem or
love note. [RachelShatto]
Instructions
0 Cutthe paperinto8" and6"
irregularcircles
@ Cuttheminto irregularspirals
androll eachof themup
e Gluethe baseto secure
themintoflowers
0 Attacha 6" wire stem
0 Cutouta leaffor eachflower,
foldingandgluingthemat the
bottomto createa 30 effect
beforeusingthemto coverthe
wire onthe baseof the flower
0 Arrangethemto yourliking
Whatyou'llneed
Construction
and
scrapbooking
paper
(we'veuseda variety
of colorsandpatterns)
Scissors
Hotgluegun
Floristwire and
wire cutters
Vase
+
+
BlingyBangle
When it comes to V-Day presents the
piece de resistanceis the gift of bling. For
the casual gal or for those not looking
to break the bank on diamonds and
pearls, a leztastic personalized glitter
cuff is the perfect way to blow her away
with a bauble, bearing your own special
touch. Where the customizing comes
in is with the text you imprint on the
cuff. In our case we've selected a quote
from Sappho but you can instead write
a poem, quote a lyric or any phrase or
words that are uniquely special to the
two of you. [RachelShatto]
Whatyou'llneed
Leathercuff ($4,
dharmatrading.com)
Citrasolvconcentrate
(citrasolv.com)
Transferprinted
on plainpaper
KrylonGlitter
Blastspraypaint
($9,krylon.com)
Instructions
0 Tocreateyourtransfer,selectyourtext
andreverseit so it readslikea mirrorimage.
It mustbe printedon a laserprinter;inkjet
printerswon'twork
@ Placethetransferonthe leathercuff
with ink-sidefacingthe cuff
e Dabthe backof thetransferwith Citrasolvuntilthe paper
becomestranslucent
0 Presshardalongthe back
of the transfer(witha spoonor
othersmoothtool)
0 Oncethe cuff hasdried,
sprayit with KrylonGlitter
Blastspraypaint
January/February
2012
J
11
----t-
BlackDahliaVelvetSteel
BonedCorset$150
Lushandseductive,
the
BlackDahliacorset's
velvettexturewill encourage
herto touchyou.
Genevieve
LaceOverlay
SteelBonedCorset$150
Dramaticblacklacelaidover
sleekmerlotsatinis suggestive
of a nightat TheMoulinRouge.
Loseyourinhibitions.
RuffleDemiBra$45 and
SatinBoyshort
$13
Lookandfeelravishingin
thisexquisite
VivaLesCurves
moldeddemicupbrawith
ruffletrim.Tofullycaressand
complement
yourcurves,pair
it withthesultrystretchSatin
Boyshort.
Cuteandcomfy.
RawEdgeStriped
ThighHighs$13
Takeyourfantasyensemble
to newheightswith Hipsand
Curves'sensualstripedthigh
highs.Shewon't beableto
takehereyesor handsoff
them.Alsoavailablein sassy
redandblackstripe.
January/February
2012
I 13
CURVATURES
the rundown
Lesbian couple RachelandCharlotte
Lambert-Jolley
were turned away from their
local FloridaOMVwhen they attempted to get new drivers licenses showing their
new hyphenated last name. The couple brought their marriage license from
Connecticut
and updated social security cards. The OMV responded that the
couple needed a court order, and was quoted as saying, "The law is very clear. It
doesn't recognize any document related to same~sex marriage, because it is not
recognized under the Florida Constitution:: .. PatrickHenryHighSchoolin San
Diegois receiving hate mail after the student body elected Rebecca
Arellanoand
HaileighAdams,a lesbian couple, homecoming king and queen. The school has
described some messages as "disturbing" and BillKowbathe San Diego school
superintendent said the adults leaving these messages are
presenting a "negative role model for children with their hateful
CathleenGalgianiof the 17th
comments:· ... Assemblywoman
has come out publicly as a lesbian. Galgiani
district in California
described her decision to come out now as being motivated by
her wish to send a positive message to young people struggling
with their sexual identity. Galgiani came out in adulthood
and after she had already begun her political career ... Christel
Conklinand AimeeWhitchurch,
a lesbian couple in Parker,Colo.,
found "Kill the Gays" and a target spray painted onto the
doors of their condominium, and a noose left on their doorstep. The couple
believes the violence stems from an issue with the Homeowners Association
and allegations that they don't pick up after their dogs, which the couple denies.
CountySheriff's Office ... Kristen
The case is currently open with the Douglas
Cooper,
a student at the University
of TexasSanAntoniowas kidnapped by two
men outside of a Halloween party. The men repeatedly punched her and called
her anti~gay slurs before dumping her on the side of the road. Local police are
investigating but no arrests have been made and they will not confirm if they
Lowrey]
consider the assault a hate crime. [Sassafras
Boasting the best in restaurants, luxury shopping, decadent pools and pulsing
nightlife, Las Vegas has earned its status as a major travel spot for the LGBT
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HONORARY
LIFETIME
LESBIAN
MEMBERSHIP
OUTINFRONT
International
Advocates
In the fight for LGBT rights, the battlefield
is worldwide. By Sheryl Kay
On All Fronts
JasminBlessing
considers the entire planet her home, and this global
perspective has empowered her to work on three continents to
improve the lives of LGBT-indentified people.
Born and raised in Hamburg, Germany, the 30-year-old has
been an international human rights activist for a decade and has
lived where the work has taken her: in Europe, North and South
America and the Caribbean. ''Attending international LGBT
conferences and meeting people of different sexual identities and
genders from all over the world has taught me that so many people
everywhere suffer from discrimination-and
that we need to keep
up the fight;' says Blessing.
Working for Grupo Gay da Bahia-the oldest LGBT organization
in Brazil-proved a rude awakening for Blessing, who recalls how it
exposed her to the widespread human rights violations that people
in Brazil suffered just because of their sexual orientation or gender
identity, even in a supposedly tolerant country.
Rather than be discouraged, Blessing moved on to a larger organization for her next project. The International Resource Network
(IRN), based at the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies at the City
University of New York, which seeks to bring people of different
sexualities and genders together, linking academic research with
activism to help LGBT communities all around the world to challenge oppression and claim their human rights. It was there
that Blessing, as coordinator of IRN Latin America, organized
workshops for young lesbian women in Salvador, Brazil. "These
workshops were really important to the women;' she says. "They
often lacked support from their families and the IRN provided the
only space for these lesbians to talk about their sexual identities:'
Continuing her global mission, Blessing is now in Amsterdam,
where she is fundraising for Health Action International Europe.
And she continues to encourage other people to get involved in the
fight for LGBT tolerance and civil rights."Working for the IRN has
taught me that homophobia is strong across the world and that gayand lesbian-bashing is all around us;' she says. "I believe that young
lesbians have the power to challenge the existing situation and can
be the catalysts for social change:'
Union Jill
During the mid-'90s, former British attorney turned LGBT activist
Louise
Ashworth
gained tremendous experience working in Blackpool
for a local government agency that provides housing and other
homeless services for lesbians and gay men. She helped create the
policy and educational materials, and then performed outreach into
the community, working with the
local police to combat homophobic
harassment.
''And this was before there was
any protection from discrimination
on the grounds of sexual orientation, or even an equal age of consent
in the U.K.;' recalls Ashworth.
She's also been very active in
working on behalf of the disabled community, noting that LGBT
disabled people can face dual discrimination and isolation, cannot
always access the gay scene, and have high levels of unemployment
and poverty.
Today, Ashworth, who is 46, is a member of UNISON's
National LGBT Committee (UNISON is a trade union representing over 1.4 million public service workers in the U.K.). She
is quick to note how important it is for lesbians to be involved in
their trade unions-at UNISON, LGBT workers' rights are core
issues and they have all the protection and support that is available
in the workplace.
Ashworth is the International Officer for LGBT Labour (as
in the Labour political party), where she is helping to organize World Pride, a huge event that will be held in London in
2012, just ahead of the Olympic Games. And she is a member
of the Executive Board, and is the current Co-Secretary for the
European Region, of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual,
Trans and lntersex Association.
In the fight for civil rights for lesbians, certain victories have
been won in a number of countries, observes Ashworth, but there
is still a long way to go in the struggle against state-sponsored
homophobia. ■
January/February 2012
I 17
LAUGH
TRACK
The Gay Divorcee
Suzanne Westenhoefer mines the upside of anger for comic relief. By Jillian Eugenics
"Hey sexy, sorry I didn't get to spend last night in your arms:' That
was the text comic Suzanne Westenhoefer found on her wife's
phone-and
Westenhoefer wasn't the one who sent it. From that
text came a confrontation and a year of couples counseling, during
which her wife of seven years continued to cheat behind her back
before getting caught (again). A divorce soon followed.
Westenhoefer, one of our most beloved comics, says the experience was 'Just too good to keep out of a comedy act. Everybody
knows that trauma and tragedy make for the funniest stuff:' Fresh
off her Semi-Sweet tour and looking into the future, Westenhoefer
shares her thoughts on breakups, love and just what to do with all
those sex toys after the relationship ends.
You'vebeena divorcee
forovera yearnow.Congratulations!
Whatare
thereasons
to stayawayfrommarriage?
Uh, money! It costs so much money to get married and it costs so
much to get divorced. And apparently homosexuals get divorced as
much as heterosexuals, which really makes me sad because I was
hoping we were going to be better than they were, because we
normally are.
Whatisthefirstthinga girlshoulddopost-divorce?
Get everything that belonged to your ex out of the house. You
give it away or you throw it away or you burn it ... but for like
a year afterwards you'll find that you forgot stuff and there are
these little pain bombs all around the house. And what do you do
with the sex toysr
Is it wrongto usethemwithsomeone
else?
OK, if you were the person who mainly used them on someone else they should be taken out of the house and sterilized
and used on your next partner, or they should be thrown
away. You should be the responsible one if you were the big
top. But a lot of women share back and forth. I'll be honest
with you, it's the only thing I haven't given away or thrown
away yet. I have no idea what to do because you're talking five
or six items in a box but you're talking $1200 worth of stuff.
Vetanotherdivorceexpense.
Yup. And you really can't sell them on eBay. And some
people are like, I don't want to sleep in the same bed, or
same sheets, or use the same towels from the relationship.
I'm telling you-this can get very expensive. You do things
if your partner has cheated on you .. .like, I gotta get rid of
that bed, I gotta get rid of that couch because what if they
had sex on that couchr But what am I going to do-tear up
the island in my kitchen in case they leaned against itr For
the first six months that's how it was and then I was like,
this is bullshit! I grew up really poor I am not doing any
more replacement.
Remodeling
seemsexcessive.
It's all excessive. My friend says that you have to take back
everything. For example, I was going to get rid of this one
bed in the guest room because I didn't know what had
happened on it. But my friend said, Nope, you got to get
a new girlfriend and you got to have crazy wild sex on that
bed. Take that back!
Wheredoyoustandwithlovenow?
I believe that it doesn't always work, sometimes you pick the
wrong person for the wrong reasons, or you get dazzled and
instead of falling in love you fall in lust. But I believe in love.
I have a good friend and she says there's a lid for every pot. I
believe that too. (suzannew.com) ■
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The Queer Picket Line From New York's marriageequality,
to LGBT Occupiers in Philadelphia,the march is on.
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Hosted by The New York Times Company's GLBT
& Allies Network, "Same~Sex Marriage: The Road
to Passage" on Oct. 18, 2011 offered a packed~
in~attendance panel discussion on how Governor
Andrew Cuomo prepared New York for a landmark
law. Cuomo was joined by Speaker Christine Quinn
and Senator James Alesi (R), one of four senators
who changed their votes to allow passage of the law.
Meanwhile, Occupy Wall Street (OWS), which
started in New York City in September 2011 and
was the first many Americans had heard of the global
Occupy movement against economic inequality, has
spread to hundreds of locations around the country.
Inspired in part by the Arab Spring, the Occupy
movement has annoyed some, enlightened others,
and embodies a revival of the idea that democracy is
separate to capitalism. Occupy has appealed to LGBT
activists who see it as aligned to the LGBT civil rights
movement and warns of the dangers of mainstreaming
queer identity. Pride flags flew at Occupy Toronto,
and Occupy San Francisco protesters questioned the
queer "1%;' an affiuent minority which reaffirms the
straight status quo. Tommi Avicolli Mecca, founder
of Queers For Economic Equality Now, told The
Bay Area Reporter: "The queer perspective is all
about questioning the status quo:• To read Victoria
A. Brownworth's account of Occupy Philly go to
curvemag.com. [MerrynJohns]■
I
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2012
I 19
LESBOFILE
A Positive Spin
Ring in the new year with Sara's rockin' romance,
Wanda on the mend and Rosie outing her lady love. By Jocelyn Voo
FashionForward
For the past decade, one of fashion's most
influential tastemakers has been ].Crew pres~
ident and creative director JennaLyons,
whose
clientele ranges from the everyday woman to
Michelle Obama. But hold on to your argyle
socks and sensible cardigans because we can
add a new Sapphic fashonista to our ranks:
Lyons left her husband of nine years and
has reportedly found new love with another
woman. Namely, Courtney Crangi, the busi~
nesswoman behind luxe jewelry maker and
brother Philip Crangi.
The pair have been spotted at romantic
dinner dates around Manhattan, and according
to sources in Page Six, they' re quietly open
about their burgeoning business~meets~pleasure
relationship. Mixing plaid with platinum? A
winter "do:'
A Stand-UpWoman
WandaSykeshas made a career out oflaugh~
ing at the small stuff. Even when the actor
revealed she had breast cancer, Sykes managed
to find a humorous spin.
"I was having a breast reduction, actually.
I had real big boobs, and I just got tired of
knocking over stuff. Every time I eat ... Oh,
lord. I'd carry a Tide stick everywhere I go;'
Sykes told Ellen DeGeneres on her show. "It
wasn't until after the reduction that, in the lab
work, the pathology, that they found that I
20
I curve
had DCIS [ductal carcinoma in situ] in my
left breast:'
After undergoing a double mastectomy,
Sykes decided to go public about the diagnosis,
but not without a little hesitation. African
American, lesbian and cancer survivor? Talk
about poster child, she said. But to us, she's
less a poster child than a model citizen. Wanda,
give 'em all you got.
Allison Adler last summer-that means cou~
pling up with singer and music producer
LindaPerry.
One of their first public dates? The God
Bless Ozzy Osbourne documentary. And con~
sidering that both women are part of the
tightly knit Hollywood lesbian community,
this one will be interesting to watch.
BigName,BigCause
A LittleBirdToldMe
EllenDeGeneres
has long been a pioneer for the
Everyone has a different story about how they LGBT community, publicly championing the
came out to their families. However, for Rosie cause and taking on beasts of issues that most
O'Donnell's
new paramour, Michelle Rounds,
can hardly handle on an individual basis.
it goes a little like this: Celebrity talk show
But now DeGeneres has added an addition~
host goes public about relationship, parents
al mission to her agenda: AIDS. Named by
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, DeGeneres
go berserk.
"It totally hit us out of left field;' Rounds's
is now Special Envoy for Global AIDS
father Roger reportedly told The Enquirer Awareness. Her mission: raise global aware~
ness and raise the spirits of those living with
upon learning his daughter is romantically
linked to the Rosie Show host. "We only found
the disease.
out about Michelle liking girls when all this
"The fight against AIDS is something that
came out about a few weeks ago. It's been has always been close to my heart. And I'm
hard to take:'
happy that I can use my platform to educate
Talk about your awkward family holiday people and spread hope;' DeGeneres says.
dinner.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go look up
what envoy' means:'
Rockin'Rebound
Considering her megastar power and what
After ending a long~term relationship, we she's done for our community, we have high
all have our ways of coping. For actor and hopes for the positive impact she can have on
The Talk co~host Sara Gilbert-who ended
this issue, too.
her nine~year relationship with TV producer
Godspeed, Ellen. ■
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Help! Our Sex Life Has Become a Chore
Do I keep trying or is it time to move on? By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm finding out that the average lesbian
relationship in Cleveland is finished after two years or less. Why is that?
What happens in the lesbian community that causes relationships to
sour after such a short time? I ask because I've been in a relationship
with Trina for two years and suddenly I'm lost, without my best friend
and virtually sex-less. Sex is a chore, and if we get around to it, it's quick
and lackluster. I remember when things were carefree, fun, exciting and
new. Now it's like scooping the litter box: boring, and you always know
what to expect ... the same old shit. Today, I tried to touch my girlfriend
and she said, "Ewwww." We're both 35, so neither of us wants to waste
our time. Is there any hope, or should I move on to a different kitty?
- Pissed Off Pussy
Lipstick:Puss, since I've lived many lives (I'm
on No. 86 now), I can tell you this: Romantic
relationships are like the ocean-they
ebb
and Row, with good times and bad, sex~filled
and sex~less. Tidal changes aren't exclusive to
Cunnilingus Cove. They happen just as often
in Breeder Bay. The big difference, however,
is that with lesbians, there is no dick driv~
ing through the riptides like an icebreaker
through Antarctica, no sexual intimacy to
save the sinking ship. When lesbians hit
choppy waters, we often head down into the
galley, slide into bed alone and turn out the
lights. We couldn't care less about sex. This is
compounded by the fact that women's bodies
are enigmatic vessels. One moment we want
the sex swing, the next we'd rather curl up
and watch Oprah'sLifeclass.The lesson here:
You need to continue connecting with your
girlfriend sexually, even when the sea is angry
and there aren't any fireworks. That means
Relationships ebb and
flow, sex-filled and
sex-less, through good
times and bad.
22
I curve
you've got to work harder, Puss, and focus on
rediscovering each other!
Dipstick:Yes, there is something in the water
in Cleveland that makes relationships sour
after two years. It all started back when the
Cuyahoga River caught fire. Can there be any
other explanation as to why a charming lass
such as you can't maintain a lover's interest?
First, you equate what should be an intimate,
sharing and bonding experience with a disgust~
ing chore, and then you accuse your partner
of being turned off. Besides the idea that
you might lack a certain romantic charisma,
here is another reason why relationships
fizzle. The first year is a whirlwind of sexual
attraction-you're
sneaking kisses at the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and taking long
getting~to~know~you walks on the shores of
Lake Erie. The second year, you start to settle
in to your life together, getting a cute duplex
in Cleveland Heights and strolling arm and
arm through the West Side Market. As the
third year approaches, you begin to ask
yourself if this is the girl you're supposed to
spend the rest of your life with. When you
realize that answer is no, you get the heck
out of Cuyahoga.
DearLipstickandDipstick:
WhatshouldI getmy
girlfriendfor Valentine'sDay?She reallyloves
.
'
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Lipstick & Dipstick ADVICE
chocolate,but do you have any other ideas?
I'm holdingoff on sexystuff becausewe just
starteddatingandI don'twantto rushherinto
anything.-QueerCupid
bake her a batch of peanut butter cookies.
Lipstick:Love the custom playlist idea, but
I'd also suggest something super-meaningful that she can carry with her every day. I
recently gave my girlfriend a necklace from
Pyrrha, and neither the pendant nor the
smile has come off since. Their talismanic
designs, handcrafted in metals and cast from
19th-century wax seals, all have meanings
derived from heraldry and are rustic, fashionable and sexy.
Dipstick:Lipstick, remember that lesbianowned chocolate company we discovered on
our book tour in Rochester, N.Y.?
Lipstick:
Sure do. Hedonist Chocolate. I loved
their lavender box.
Dipstick:
You and your lavender boxes! Another
good idea is some cute rainbow swag, like a
bracelet or a cute dykey T-shirt.
Dipstick:Don't forget the lesbian-friendly
jewelers Love and Pride. They've got a great
variety to chose from. ■
Lipstick:
Yawn.
Tune in to curvemag.com/
lipstickanddipstick
to watchthe
The Lipstick& DipstickShow.
Or write to tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
Dipstick:Or don't spend any money at all.
Make her a mix CD of your favorite love
songs-the ones that remind you of her-and
_go iigital, go
I
I
When you subsen"be to our •mteract,ve
• d"1g1ta
• I --edition you get curve in your inbox before it--hits the stands. Flick through pages, watch
videos, listen to songs, forward stories to
friends and best of all, no more recycling.
Just download and save!
Available on
both Mac
PC
11 and______
-~~
a:
g lieen
____,
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_
Share with
friends via
e-mail, facebook,
and Twitter
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subscribe and save today at curvemag.com
ADVICE Relationships
Heart and Soul
How to reconcile your spirituality and sexuality.
By Mandy Wilson
I remember the first time someone
told me I was going to hell-it was
my reflection glaring at me from the
bathroom mirror, reeling from my
first lesbian kiss. The stinging words
scrolled through my 19-year-old mind
on continual loop. 'Tm going to hell.
God can't love me if I'm gay. I'm going
to hell:' Devastation crept in and I
began hating myself for the first time.
In that moment, as I brought water to
my flushed face, I could think of only
one thing to do. I decided to be indefinitely single. I decided this in the way
that one decides to go out into a cold
winter's night-a sheer act of will. This
became my life for the next six years.
Raised in a conservative church,
I faced what so many other LGBT
Christians struggle with, too: finding
a way to reconcile my spiritual beliefs
and true desires of my heart. According
my to church's backward beliefs about
homosexuality, I was a lesbian anomaly.
I had two incredible heterosexual parents. I
was never sexually abused. I didn't have an
absent father or an overbearing mother.
Perhaps I had some subconscious aversion
to the male race. But what caused itr More
than once, I blamed it on the experience of
my first kiss. I was 12. His tongue felt like
slime, and he smelled like a combination of
hot dogs and mouth rinse. By my mid- 20s,
I could no longer ignore my same-sex attraction. So from deep within the closet, I began
my venture out. It's an ongoing journey, but I
have slowly realized that I don't have to give
up my faith or my sexuality. Here are some
guidelines to help you on your own journey.
0 Finda supportsystem.One of the most
helpful things you can do is realize that you
are not alone. Find like-minded individuals
who will share their stories and offer a listening ear. If you are surrounded by negativity,
it will be difficult to overcome feelings of
doubt and insecurity. Remember that every
leader in history had a close circle of friends
or companions.
24
I curve
0 Get back to basics.Researchyour
spiritualbackground
for yourself.You
will find that a lot of prejudice comes
from tradition and blind faith. You
may discover that you've been indoctrinated with misleading information.
According to the same Bible that some
use against you,Jesus never spoke one
word against LGBT people. In fact,
he had an affinity for the outcasts of
society. He taught unconditional love,
not judgment and condemnation.
0 Loveyourself.This can be more
difficult than it seems. Statistically,
we remember more negative things
people say about us than positive.
And let's face it-there
are a lot of
negative things being said about gay
folks. Surround yourself with positivity. Do something that will enrich
your spirit. Take a spontaneous drive
with a friend. Volunteer your time
or skills. Pray or meditate. Break ties
8 Remember
theonewhoscreams
the loudest with anyone who makes you question your
worth. Remember that you are beautiful and
isn't alwaysright. It's no secret that there
wonderfully made.
are thousands of religious extremists who
misuse the Bible every day. Throughout the
There are abundant online resources
centuries, the Bible has been wrongly used
available for those struggling to harmonize
to discriminate against women, children,
their faith and sexuality. You can start at my
Jews, African- Americans, religious reformers
website, ComingOutChristian.org,
where
and the mentally ill. It has been used to
you will find links to countless websites,
defend heinous crimes such as slavery, the
organizations, and more. Become part of a
Crusades and the Inquisition. Historically,
movement. Help bridge the gap between our
the Church's views on minorities tend to
change with the passing of time. There will places of worship and the LGBT community.
Don't settle for mere tolerance; be a catalyst
eventually be a time when discrimination
for love and acceptance. You really can have
against LGBT people isn't even thought of
in religious institutions.
the best of both worlds. ■
@ Consider
breaking
thesilence.If you
believe
in God and you're gay, consider speaking out.
It can be intimidating, but the religious society
needs to understand that there are more of
us than they realize. Silence gives birth to
misinformation, which gives birth to prejudice.
(However, coming out is an extremely personal
process. Never do it unless you are ready and
can do so safely.)
Led by her own journey
of reconcilingher faith
and sexuality, Mandy
Wilson founded the site
ComingOutChristian.
orgwhichseeksto spread
the messageof love,truth
and self-acceptancefor
LGBT people offaith.
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Nikki & Laura
Professional women's soccer players, Nikki Baker and Laura del Rio kick it, on and off the field.
By Lyndsey D'Arcangelo
How they met
Off the field
Nikki:We were teammates on a professional soccer team called
FC Indiana. [FC is short for Football Club.] We played offense
together. However, Laura is from Spain. We hardly spoke, due to
the language barrier, but one day we started a conversation using
Google Translate. So the next day I began learning Spanish and
Laura began learning English. And we've been a couple ever since.
Nikki:We used to be teammates, but now we coach a soccer team
together. So we know each other's strengths and respect what we
each have to offer.
Getting hitched
Nikki:We wear commitment rings that we exchanged privately a
year ago, but it would be nice to have a ceremony with our families.
The problem is that our families live on different continents. Also,
we are not able to marry legally in the state of Oklahoma, which
is where we now live.
Laura:We talk about getting married in the
future, but we don't need a piece of paper to be
a family. We are a family. We feel married. We
are even raising a little girl together.
Why they fit so well together
Nikki:Laura is the logical, even,tempered one.
She is full of patience and wisdom. She keeps
me responsible! Like yin and yang, we balance
each other out.
Laura:I think we fit so well together because
we are so opposite. Nikki is all heart! She is pas,
sionate and sometimes impulsive. She is the
funniest person I know, but also very serious
about wanting to make this world a better place.
On the field
Nikki: That same summer we met, we were
also competing for the most goals in the entire
league. It came down to the last game, where
[deep sigh] Laura ended up coming in first
and I came in second.
Laura:I know Nikki wants me to say thisI did play one more game than her. We gave
each other good healthy competition. I miss
playing with her.
Nikki: Me too. Our styles of play are com,
pletely different, but they complement each
other well.
Laura:I am not one to give advice, but if I have to say something
[about why we're so compatible off the field] it is our communication
and compassion. That works for us. And we make sure to laugh
every day.
Nikki:Yes, definitely communication, and being able to recognize
and respectfully talk about frustrations. But also remembering
that it's equally important to encourage and praise each other. I
completely admire Laura as an individual and as my partner. I love
being near her, so it makes living and working together easy. ■
Laura del Rio (left) and Nikki Baker
POLITICS
Tying the Knot or a Noose?
What lies beneath the covers of gay marriage. By Victoria A. Brownworth
In 1994, I wrote a column in this space
about marriage equality. I described my
conflicted feelings: Yes, lesbians deserve all
the rights afforded to heterosexual couples.
But, historically, marriage has not been
friendly to women-rather,
it has been a
means of enslavement. So why embrace it?
Over the intervening 17 years I have
continued to question what marriage
equality would mean for us and have come
to favor it in theory, if not in practice.
In 1999, after being together for nearly 12
years, my then,partner and I split. It was a
bad breakup of the sort only lesbians seem
to have. We have had an amicable recon,
ciliation. I am the person she always calls
in a crisis. We work together on several
projects. Rarely does a day go by when
26
I curve
we don't either talk to or see each other.
I take care of her cats when she goes
out of town. We are still lesbian family.
But issues remain, all of which have to do
with the limbo legal status of our never
having been married.
Had we been ending a marriage in 1999,
rather than a nonlegal domestic partnership
( there are no domestic partnerships in our
state), I would have fared much better than
I did. My partner would have had to make
legally binding financial concessions-like
sharing title to the house we bought together,
which is in her name but for which I have
always paid the mortgage, and sharing our
credit card debt, which is in my name but
is debt we both incurred. Yet for the inter,
vening 12 years since our breakup, I have
lived in the house, paid the mortgage, and
paid for a new roo£ a new heating system,
various seriously expensive plumbing prob,
lems, and basic wear and tear. I'd like to will
my half of the house to my current partner,
but because I was never married, it's not
community property. It's my house in reality,
but legally I lose.
My house is why we need marriage
equality. When my sister got a divorce, the
house was also an issue-but
because she
and my brother,in,law were legally married
it was community property. They had to
share, whether they wanted to or not. Many
friends have had similar experiences over the
years-including
fights over child custody.
One of the most harrowing issues for
unmarried lesbians who break up is children.
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One couple I know had a child together.
Then they split up. Custody was shared
until the birth mother became involved with
another woman. That woman said sharing
custody was bad for the child. The custody
sharing ceased and the non-biological mom
has been fighting a legal battle to see her
child ever since. The birth mother has
stated in legal filings that her former partner
has no rights to the child because she isn't
biologically connected. In other words, she's
used homophobic laws, which
continue to perpetrate inequality
in relationship rights, against the
woman she once loved, to keep
the child they had together away
from the child's other mother.
When same-sex marriage was
legalized in New York, I watched
couples running to City Hall to
exchange vows. Some of them
were long-term partners in their
60s and 70s. Others had been
together for years and brought along the
children. But others were quite young and
had been together for the five minutes it
often takes for lesbians to move in together.
Marriage equality is a double-edged
sword. With the benefits come the responsibilities of "in sickness and in health, for
richer or for poorer, forsaking all others, till
death do you part:' Marriage equality means
that your stuff is now her stuff and vice
versa, but what if you have lots of stuff and
she has next to nothing?
Marriage equality means if she wants a
baby and you don't, you two have to figure
it out or get a divorce. Marriage equality
means that everything that comes after the
white dresses/ tuxes and flowers and big
party is hard work.
How many of us are really up to the job
of marriage?
Like many lesbians, I spent years living
in classic serial monogamy.Two years here,
four there. I'd begin to feel the problems of
one relationship and allow myself to be
lured into another. Then I decided that
commitment meant just that-commitment. Still, sometimes breakups happen,
whether you want them to or not. That
happened to me. And we either learn from
our mistakes or we don't.
I am not married now and doubt I ever
will be. It's not because I'm not committed
to my partner- I am. I refer to her as my
wife, or my spouse, but we aren't legally
married. I don't want to saddle her with my
financial drama.
It's easy to say "that won't happen to me"
or "we'll never break up;' but we will all get
older, most of us will get sick, a third of us
will buy a house together, a quarter of us
will have a child together. And more than
a divorcee. It means you have to tell every
potential partner that you couldn't or
wouldn't make your legal marriage work.
Which makes you a little sketchy in the
eyes of the next woman.
Marriage equality as a concept is important and necessary-we deserve it. But as
state after state is making same-sex marriage legal, we have to ask ourselves if we
are really ready for that "till death do you
part" clause. We have to ask ourselves why
we want to get married. Is it
purely for love and commitment? Or is it because we
want the social approbation
that comes with it. Is it because we want to be able to
introduce her as "my wife;'
or "my spouse;' instead of
the clumsily inadequate "life
partner"?
Do we want to get married
because it's the next logical
step m our committed relationship, or
because we're trying to fix the damage
being queer in a homophobic society has
wrought on us?
Do we want to get married for the white
dress/ tux and to have our father or mother
walk us down the aisle, or because we really
cannot imagine ever being with anyone but
this woman for the rest of our lives and we
want everyone in the world to know how
much we love her?
In its limited early run, marriage equality
looks glam. It looks like the newest iPod or
the Kindle Fire. But then in a few months,
we find out that the battery runs down fast,
or burns up, or we can't load all the apps we
want. Then what?
I'm not saying don't marry. I think a lot
of us really want the daily responsibility
and intimacy and breadth of commitment.
But I also think a lot of us just want to be
in that line when the ink dries and it's legal
in our state.
You need to be sure you know what you
really want before you apply for that license.
Because no matter what you think, marriage
is indeed until death do you part. If you
can't imagine that, then you aren't ready.
And it's better to know that before you're
walking down the aisle than after. ■
Marriageequalityis a double-edged
sword.With the benefitscome the
responsibilities
of "insicknessand in
health,for richeror for poorer,forsaking
all others,tilldeath do you part."
half of all marriages end in divorce. There's
no reason to believe that lesbians, who
most often have 18-month relationships,
will suddenly be able to make it to the 50th
wedding anniversary-especially
not with
the drama and the public bar fights and the
slaps and the "I-only-kissed-her-the-onetime" and the 'Tm sorry" that doesn't really
stick. We need to grow up for marriage. It's
not like packing up the lesbian U-Haul on
the second date. It's permanent.
Marriage equality is new and exciting.
It seems like something we really, really
want. But with marriage come not just the
perks but also the responsibilities. You
have to share everything: money, house,
children, the cancer diagnosis, the broken
hip that leads to pneumonia, the dementia,
the death that parts you, the bills that come
with all of it. At 25, or even 30, are you
really ready to get married for life-not
just until you tire of each other or meet
someone "better"?
As bad as our lesbian breakups can be, a
legal divorce is not easier. Getting a legal
divorce means hiring lawyers or mediators.
It includes the plate-by-vase-by-CD-player
division of community property and working
out custody agreements over the children.
Divorce also means you are forever after
January/February
2012
I 27
ADVANCING
AFRICA
Soweto Pride is a vibrant example of Africa's struggle
for LGBT freedom. By Lauren Barkume
Hundreds of activists gathered on Sept. 24, 2011
for the 7th annual Gay and Lesbian Soweto Pride
March-a local protest march as organized by
Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW). This
day provides South Africans with an opportunity
to voice their frustrations against homophobia and
discrimination experienced by gays and lesbians
and other minority groups in South Africa, especially
those who live in the townships. (few.org)
I
'
\
\
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2s
I curve
GAY KENYA OPPOSES AID
TheGayKenyaTrusthas
lent its supportto the British
Government's
intentionto
cut aid to Africancountries
that persecutegays.Gay
Kenyaviewsstate-sponsored
homophobia
as a votegetter,whichleadsto public
panicandgayrightsactivists
becomingtargetsof violence.
Whilethe GayKenyagroup
acknowledges
that cutting
aid wouldleadto suffering
by aid-dependent
populations,whichalsoinclude
LGBTpeople,the measure
is believedto be necessary
to stopthe persecutionof
sexualminoritiesin Africa.
"Aidconditionalityhas
beeneffectivelyusedin this
countryto leveragesocialand
democraticrightsstruggles
with positiveresults,"says
DavidKuria,executive
directorof GayKenyaTrust.
"Weareof the viewthat
internalandexternalpressure
be broughtto bearon
governments
that criminalize
andpersecutegaypeopleto
reviewtheir lawsandstop
anyform of persecution
of citizenson accountof
their sexualorientation."
(gaykenya.com)
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Against D'
. Summit
,scnmination
and Persecution
New York Cit;
he duo recorded Beauty Queen Sister
in Nashville with producer Peter Collins,
who also worked with them on Swamp Ophelia, Become
You and their 2010 Christmas album, Happy Holly Days.
Many of the musicians on the album have also worked
with the Indigo Girls before. The funky title track is one
of Ray's. "Emily and I are kind of the opposite of what
people think of as beauty queens;' she says-apparently
unaware that many people would disagree with that. "We
liked the way those words hung together, so we used it
as a title. But the song itself is different. It's [about] some
friends of mine, their family situations ... and the idea of
the romantic rebel and beauty queen. And the pain that
we carry inside us [when we] lose touch with what we
consider to be our essence. That's kind of all wrapped up
in one song:'
Another song that stands out on the disc is called,
simply, "John:' This one is classic Saliers. "I've got a cabin
up in North Georgia;' she explains. "There's a family who
lives up there. John takes care of the whole property ...
and, you know, I'm this girl who drives up in my SUV
from the city and then gets to enjoy the splendor of the
country because of all the work that he does. It's a song
about him and his whole family. The spirit of their gener,
osity and hard work:'
Indigo Girls fans know that Ray and Saliers always
write separately. As is often the case on their albums,
32
I curve
Ray's songs on Beauty Queen Sister tend to have a bit
more edge. It's quite telling when you ask the Girls to
name their musical influences. "I think we have some of
the same influences from earlier;' says Ray. She lists classic
singer,songwriters like James Taylor, Jackson Browne,
Joni Mitchell, Neil Young and The Roches as being musi,
cians that she and Saliers cut their teeth on-but
after
that, their paths diverge. Saliers says, "If I think about
an artist besides Joni Mitchell that I listen to over and
over again, absorbing every nuance, [it would be] Stevie
Wonder:' The first record she ever purchased, she adds,
was by The Jackson 5.
Where Saliers cites Motown and R&B as being influen,
tial, Ray leans more toward punk and alternative. "When
I discovered Patti Smith, that was a big time;' she says.
"What was formative for me was Paul Westerberg and
Husker Du and what Bob Mould was doing later, with
Sugar. [Also] Le Tigre and The Butchies and the whole
movement of women punk bands:'
Since she's into more aggressive music than Saliers, you
would be within your rights to assume that Ray prefers the
big city to the country-however,
you would be wrong.
Although they are both from Georgia, Ray resides in a
quiet, rural part of the state while Saliers lives in, as she
says, "the city" -that is, the city of Atlanta.
The South holds deep, complex meaning for both
the Girls. "[There's] a mystical quality to it;' says Saliers.
"Writers like Flannery O'Connor capture the bizarreness
of the South-the
sort of murky darkness. You have the
historical struggle, obviously, of bringing Africans over
and enslaving them. And very complicated interpersonal
relationships between people. [But] then, certain genera~
tions [are] trying to work through that conflict. For me,
there's a few progressive factions in Atlanta. It would be
more difficult for me to live in a very conservative place
in Georgia:'
Interestingly, Ray does live in a more conservative part
of the state-and says she likes it just fine. 'Tm not a city
person;' she admits. ''I've lived in a rural area for about 20
years. I'm pretty different from the people I live around,
but you find a lot of similarities-and
I like that. I like
when the similarities are not apparent at first and then,
you know, you have an ice storm and everybody comes
over with their chainsaws and helps you get out of your
driveway! It's very diche, but people are inherently good.
And it's kind of fun to discover that in a place where you
think you would be in such opposition to each other:'
"It's hard for me to put [my feelings] about Georgia into
words, because I've been there my whole life;' Ray continues.
"My mom was born there and my grandma was born
there. And her mother-my
great grandmother-lived
there but was born in South Carolina. My dad's family is
Southern too. It's got the darkest and the lightest of every~
thing. It's [got] the ugliest racial stuff ever, as well as the
most triumphant spiritual stuff, you knowr People have
overcome so much:'
When we'd spoken with Saliers and Ray previously,
same~sex marriage was still illegal in New York state, and
"Don't ask, Don't Tell" had yet to be repealed. Now, Saliers
acknowledges that legalizing gay marriage in New York
was "a huge accomplishment" and adds, "Iowa's passing
gay marriage was very encouraging and interesting. Iowa's
kind of a dark horse, isn't itr Politically, it's a very inter~
esting state:' For her part, Ray agrees, saying, "Practicality
wins out in the Midwest:'
Saliers is quick to qualify things, though. "There's still
so far to go;' she says. "There's no federal protection. My
partner is from Canada, and we have a real issue on our
hands. Because there's nothing to reconcile that unless I
move to Canada. [Legalizing same~sex marriage] is going
to have to come from the federal government and not state
by state by state:'
She adds, "The highest teenage suicide rate [is still] for
queer youth. It's a particularly disheartening time to think
about acceptance because there's such partisanship across
the board. When you have people dying, being beaten up,
killing themselves, it's a humanity problem. So there's a lot
of work still to be done:' ■
January/February
2012
I 33
Favourites push-up bra by
Marlies Dekkers, $99
Triangle thong, $49
(marliesdekkers.nl)
Vintage feather necklace,
stylist's own
Sheer top by Tony Cohen, $55
(tony-co hen.com)
Hip-length vest by Goosecraft
Agent Provocateur
thigh-high tights, $50
Brian Atwood platform pumps
(brianatwood.com)
January/February
2012
I 37
Photographer:
RobHoffman
/ robhoffmanphotos.com
Model:LaurenAbediniakaDJSoulre/Makeup
Artist/DJ@djSoulre
Specialthanksto CherieLimandMarissaMachado
Styling/Creative
Director/Writer:
ClaireCampbell
Moseley
@campbellmoseley
/ anlnitial.com
.
. ..
Military Chic:
Always a favorite, military-inspired
couture is a great way to layer for
the change in weather as well as
something you can often find at
a second hand shop. It's worth
spending the cash on having it
tailored because just the right fit
can make or break this look.
Jacket by Gap, Shirt by American
Apparel, Shorts by Levi Vintage,
Shoes by All Saints, Handkerchief
chef by H&M, Bag by Baggu
Baby it's cold outside, but with
Spring just around the corner
comes a change in weather
and a change in fashion.
What do you need to freshen
up your wardrobe? The best
advice I was ever given
about shopping: less is more.
Buy key pieces rather than
splurging on quantity; you'll
end up getting more wear out
of well-selected basics that
set you apart. That's not to say
you need to drop your whole
paycheck on one T-shirt-just
be aware that a two-for-$1 0
deal isn't going to make you
kill with the ladies. Whether
your personal style is preppy,
rock 'n' roll, casual cool,
hip-hop or a button down and
jeans, we have looks for all
the shapes and sizes of the
rainbow. So, before heading
out to the stores,
take a peek at my
list of must-haves
January/February
2012
I 39
Leather and Lust:
Of all the items I believe a gay
girl should own, a hot leather
jacket is at the top of the list.
You can wear this to almost any
occasion and nothing makes
you feel sexier. Most important
is the quality of the leather. A
high-end leather jacket may be
a bit pricey but it's worth the
investment-because if you find
the right one you will never need
to buy another.
Leather Jacket by Zara, Bracelets
by Stonewall Equality and Lyon Fine
Jewelry (lyonfinejewlery.com)
look is classic Americana and
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January/February
2012 I 43
GLENN CLOSE'S LATEST PASSION PROJECT
IS A MUST-SEE FOR LESBIANS.
0
VER THE YEARS, weve seen the elegant and diminutive Glenn Close as a
psychotic, knife-wielding, pseudo-femme fatale (FatalAttraction);as a powdered
19th-century Parisian villainess (Dangerous Liaisons); as a black-and-whitehaired witch (101 Dalmatians);as a ruthless, cold-blooded lawyer (Damages)-as
all manner of female schemers. And, closest to our hearts, we've even seen her as a
lesbian Army colonel in full dress uniform (Servingin Silence).But we've never seen her like this.
In her latest groundbreaking role as the title character in Albert Nobbs, the youthful-looking
64-year-old plays a woman who lives as a butler in 1860s Dublin. The specter-or if you prefer,
spectacle-of the patrician, oh-so-female, blue-eyed blonde transformed into a man is riveting. You
can't take your eyes off the iconic actor's face. During the 32-day shoot, Close spent more than two
hours a day in makeup (and her transformation does include some minor facial prosthetics, as well
as a fabulous wig).
This passion project, opening nationwide on Jan. 27, has taken Close decades to bring to the big
screen. Aside from reprising her Obie-winning role in the 1982 Off-Broadway play The Singular
Life of Albert Nobbs,by feminist playwright Simone Benmussa, Close helped to produce and write
the screen adaptation, and even worked on the theme song, performed by Sinead O'Connor. Her
tremendous effort to see the project through came from a deep love of the character. Close was not
waiting for Hollywood to deliver her dream role.
BY KATHLEEN WILKINSON
GUTS AND GLORY
PHOTO BY ROBERT ASCROFT
Back in the day, Glenn Close earned the adoration of lesbians everywhere when (with Barbra Streisand as a co-producer) she played
the lead role of Col. Margarethe Cammermeyer in the 1995 television movie Serving in Silence.
Cammermeyer, who was on track to become a general, was ousted from the U.S. Army for revealing
that she was a lesbian during the early days of the infamous "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" military policy.
The role was quite a revelation to Close. Despite her three marriages (she is currently married to
the computer scientist and Wall St. financier David E. Shaw), she claims that kissingJudy Davis,
her on-screen lover in Serving in Silence,was enough to convert her, briefly, to lesbianism. "Oh, it
was amazing. It changed me. It was like this Aha! moment. It was not intellectual-it
was like a
visceral feeling, being attracted, being in love with your own gender;' she said during an interview
for this article. "It has informed me a lot. It was a good
thing to go through:'
Taking on that role was a ballsy move at the time, but
then, throughout her long and highly acclaimed career, the
New Yorker has never shied away from controversial roles.
That career has spanned more than 35 years, during which
she has amassed a ridiculously large trove of acting honors:
five Academy Award nominations, two Golden Globes
(eight nominations), three Tonys (four nominations), three
Emmys and other awards and nominations too numerous
to list. The buzz is that the role of Albert Nobbs may
finally gain her the elusive golden statuette.
Using her extraordinary talent, Close brings a superb
authenticity to even the most cliched of all Hollywood
archetypes. Like many actors of a certain age, she was
"IT WAS AMAZING. IT WAS LIKE
THIS AHA! MOMENT. IT WAS NOT
INTELLECTUAL-IT WAS LIKE
A VISCERAL FEELING, BEING
ATTRACTED, BEING IN LOVE
WITH YOUR OWN GENDER."
cast in the inescapable role of "mother" early in her career,
playing Robin Williams' mother in The World According to
Garp (1982), even though they were roughly the same age.
Fans of the director Rose Troche ( Go Fish, The L Word)
may remember that Close also brought a nuanced finesse
to the morally ambiguous character of Esther Gold in The
Safety of Objects (2001), adapted by Troche from the book
of short stories by A.M. Homes.
But the roles that truly capture our imagination are the
ones where she taps into that terrifying dark side.
SOMETHING WICKED
Born in Greenwich, Conn., the actor became a household
name in 1987 thanks to her breakthrough role as the
obsessive stalker Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction. As she
has shown in her edgy portrayals throughout her career,
Close adores exploring women whose power becomes
menacing within patriarchal culture. She first began to
explore the phenomenon through her fascination with
fairytales. Close told a Mill Valley Film Festival crowd last
October that this began early in her childhood, when she
and her sister spent long days on the family property in rural
Connecticut entertaining themselves with a wooden trunk
full of puppets. She especially relished acting out the evil
witches. "The more nasty I was, the funnier it was and the
better it was:' When she was offered the role of Cruella De
Vil in 101 Dalmatians (1996), she jumped at the chance.
46
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The latest in Closes long succession of mesmerizingly
manipulative women is her Golden Globe- and Emmywinning character Patty Hewes on the topical TV series
Damages. A doggy boiler this time, Close plays a powerhouse attorney who bends all the rules, plotting the murder
of a dog with the aim of taking down corrupt, high-powered
corporate executives."! love Patty Hewes;' she says."She is so
smart, and yet there's a place where she's fragile, but she just
doesn't suffer fools and she's not intimidated by anybody:'
Close sees a connection between Hewes and Albert
Nobbs, adding, 'Tve played a lot of women who try to
exist in a man's world, Albert included. The Victorian
era was very much ruled by men. Marquise de Merteuil
in Dangerous Liaisons was not letting herself be treated in
the usual way and was considered wicked:' (That 1988 role
garnered Close her fifth Academy Award nomination, but
the Oscar went to Jodie Foster in The Accused.)
Like her Parisian counterpart, Patty Hewes "is [also] not
allowing herself to be treated in the usual way, and everybody said, 'Oh, she's so evil: It's just interesting to me that a
powerful woman is so disturbing to people:'
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT ALBERT
Albert Nobbs may not have the power or the darkness
of Patty Hewes, but she is equally complex. In the tightly
codified world of 19th-century Ireland, she figures out a
unique solution to the problem of being without financial
means. If the world won't give poor women opportunities,
she will create her own by putting on a pair of trousers and
passing as a man.
The point of Albert Nobbs-imagining the constricted
lives of women in that era-offers less titillation than lesbian
audiences might expect, given the premise. Thankfully,
Close hersel£ who helped write the script, fleshed out a
masterful foil for Nobbs in Mr. Hubert Page, exquisitely
played by the towering Brit Janet McTeer (Songcatcher,
Tumbleweeds). This role shows, for the first time on the big
screen, what life might have been like for lesbians of that
era-a project akin to Sarah Waters' efforts to reimagine
lesbian life in history, correcting the historical record that
so relentlessly wrote us out.
The film begins after Albert has survived for 30 years disguised as a man and is working as a waiter and manservant in
one of the Dublin's fanciest hotels. Albert is forced to double
up for the night with the painter Hubert Page, who discovers
the 44-year-old's long-kept secret-and then reveals that
he, too, is a woman passing as a man. Despite being a
woman, Hubert has managed to marry-to
love and live
with a wife. This opens up a whole new world for the
long-repressed Albert, whose only dream has been to save
enough money to open a tobacco shop; for the first time,
she realizes that she might be able to share her dream with
someone. She decides to court the chambermaid Helen
(Mia Wasikowska).
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For Close, the core of this story is not the gender play.
For her, it centers on violence against women and what
women have had to do to survive. A feminist at heart, she
sees it as an essential statement for all women, lesbians
included. Citing Afghanistan and the Congo, she explains,
"There is a huge problem with violence against women
across the world. We have three women in our movie and
two of them have been battered and one of them is on her
way to being abused.
"Every human being needs to feel safe and to feel connected, and whoever can bring you that, that's OK;' Close
says. ''I've said it before and I don't think people really get
it- I think that ultimately gender should be irrelevant:'
BECOMING A UPERHAPSER"
French-Tunisian playwright Simone Benmussa adapted
her 1982 Off-Broadway play from George Moore's 1927
short story of the same name, which in turn came from
an item in a Dublin newspaper. Benmussa, who also
directed the New York production, used the play to explore
the bleak realities of poor women who have few options
for making a living and even fewer for real companionship
and love.
Though queers everywhere will certainly identify with
Albert, the protagonist resists easy categorization. She's
asexual, existing between two worlds. To use the language
of the original story, she's a "perhapser, neither man or
woman:' Close cites that very complexity: "I think that's
why I've always loved Albert. She's deeply human and she's
living out her very, very specific story:'
A note in the program for the original play insisted, as
48
I curve
does Glenn Close, that the story
"is not about a transvestite:' In a
somewhat surprising statement,
she told a crestfallen audience
member during the MVFF Q&A
that Albert is not a cross-dresser.
She contrasted Albert to "someone like Eddie Izzard;' alluding
to his more fetishistic, or erotic,
relationship to dressing across
gender lines.
True to the play, the film represents Albert as a person who
changes her gender only to earn
a decent living. As far as sexuality
goes, the character is completely
cut off from her own feelings. "I
really think that it's possible to
have people that are invisible [read
repressed]. First of all, we now
know about PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder] and what
that does to you. And if [Albert]
was gang-raped when she was 14, and had nowhere to go
except into this disguise, that's never been [dealt with].
Then it's just stayed with you, and you don't have any
capacity to reach out:' Interestingly, Close asserted her
own vision for Albert's backstory, changing Benmussa's
play and Moore's original story, in which the young Albert
has a crush on a man and considers suicide before running
away and becoming a waiter.
ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN
Close has alluded to the idea that her own background
informs her interpretation of the role. When she was 7
years old, her parents joined a commune that was part of
the absolutist Christian sect Moral Re-Armament (MRA),
a precursor to the Oxford Group (and the basis for today's
12-step programs). In the late '60s, she traveled and
performed with MRA's singing group, Up With People.
She left at 22 to study theater at The College of William
and Mary in Virginia.
"It's difficult for me to bring all that in;' she says. "I don't
believe my craft is a psychiatrist's couch at all, but I do
think I know what it's like to be on the outside looking
in, not being allowed to do things, especially when you're
young. It's very difficult. It's killing. So, yes, I think it's part
of my overall consciousness:'
Close brings this experience of estrangement to Albert.
"She doesn't have an inner life, really, until she meets Hubert
and that question forms of, Would it be possible? Hubert
never gives her the answer to the question that she really
needs to ask, which is, How did you do it? Hubert just
takes for granted that Nobbs would know how to do it:'
Albert's complete lack of understanding about what
goes on in a loving sexual relationship gives rise to quite a
bit of humor. She just goes for Helen because that's what
Hubert suggests. "In the story, I kept with that. Helen
was the most lively, and the cheeky one, and the one she
thought would be the greatest person in the tobacco shop.
People would come because she's a lively, funny, full~of~
life person. There's that wonderful part in the story where
she's looking at each maid and saying why it wouldn't
work with them:'
McTeer's character provides some much~needed-at
least for contemporary lesbian audiences-relief. Hubert
Page is an itinerant painter with a home; a seamstress wife,
Kathleen; and an eye for the maids, especially the cheeky
Helen with her "lovely, blond curls:' Close fleshed out this
character, writing the very lesbian domestic scenes in the
kitchen with Albert, Hubert and Kathleen.
In a pivotal scene in the movie, Albert and Hubert put
on dresses to test the possibility of reverting to their femi~
nine selves, and take a jaunt along a beach. Like much of
the movie, it's both funny and touchingly sad: Hubert, who
has adjusted to life as a man and knows who she is, clearly
looks like she's in drag. It's more complicated for Albert.
Close recalls how she approached that scene: "I think
there is some place in her that thinks that if she gets back
in a dress, she has nothing to hide. Yet, after 30 years, she
doesn't even know how to move in a dress:'
Albert falls flat on her face. It's clear that she can no longer
go back to being a woman. "The culmination of that scene
is, she realizes that that's not who she is, either. This is what
I love about Albert, too-when
Hubert says, 'You can be
whoever you are. You've worked hard and you've saved
your money, you can do that; Hubert doesn't know what
a huge lack of tools Albert has. Hubert thinks Albert is a
little more capable than she is:'
But what about Albert's sexual desire? When Helen
kisses Albert and tries to bring her into the real world of
romantic love, she is in for a surprise, which is how Close
chose to play the scene. "It was just surprising and kind of
shocking and seemed a little violent. She hasn't been in
people's bedrooms when they're making love. I don't think
it's anything she really thinks about-because
why? What
good would it do her? She's just trying to be left alone, to
be unnoticed, to save her money and to survive. She doesn't
want to end up on the street. And as quiet as she can be,
and as good a butler- I think she gets pleasure from being
a good butler and the people she sees every season [who]
appreciate her:' Those of you who are all too familiar with
this trope of lesbian representation and its relentless
omission of Sapphic sex may be rolling your eyes just
about now. This interpretation of Albert as lacking sexual
desire, even in the privacy of her own room, does harken
back to the "twisted sisters;' as The CelluloidClosetcalls
them, of Hollywood past.
The counterbalance is Hubert's successful and very
comfortable lesbian relationship. Close calls these scenes
some of her favorites in the movie, saying, "You just see two
people who are very much in love with each other and have
a very happy life. You kind of forget what you're looking at,
actually. I like what the story does as far as people's assump~
tions about how people appear, and who they must be, and
what they must be. When you see those scenes where there
are two women dressed as men, and one woman-and
yet
they're all women-it's just great:'
At the risk of spoiling the ending, lesbians will be
delighted to learn that Hubert's knight~in~shining~armor
moment is Close's favorite in the film. "Hubert and the
beautiful, beautiful performance that Janet gives- I think
she's a new kind of hero. I really do:'
I wonder if it is too much to hope that one day soon we
can see Hubert's story, that she can be the lead and not just
the best friend.
As for Glenn Closes getting her due come Oscar timeshe says, "Oh, my goodness, knock on wood:' ■
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...
THE QUOTABLE CLOSE
On Serving in Silence, which was televised long before it
was politically popular to speak out against "Don't Ask,
Don't Tell": "My first thought is, the waste of the people who
were thrown out all those years. I mean, just the insane waste
of it, and not all of them can go back. That's so sad. I just hope
that someday there will be a time when it just doesn't matter."
On how much work still needs to be done in the battle
against homophobia and prejudice: "I think the LGBT
community has come a long way .... I started an organization
called Bring Change2Mind [bringchange2mind.org] to eradicate
stigma around mental illness. A lot of it is the same kind of
thing that gay people have been toiling under-stigma
is the
last frontier, really. Because you can have people say all the
right things, but still there will be stigma in their minds. They
will stigmatize people." (Watch Close's video with her bipolar
sister Jessie at bringchange2mind.org.)
On The Vagina Monologues: "Eve [Ensler] is one of my
heroes and always will be. I sought her out, actually. I wanted
her to write a script about Bedford Prison, the women's prison.
I had read Precious and went to Sapphire first. She said, 'I'm
not a screenwriter. I'm a poet and a novelist, but you should
meet Eve Ensler.' So I looked up Eve. I thought she'd be a
black lesbian and there she was looking like [silent film star]
Louise Brooks. Eve always makes me do [the monologue]
'Reclaiming Cunt' [at] Madison Square Garden!"
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What keeps things hot between the sheets in a
lesbian relationship? Is three really a crowd- if
not, how do you make an open relationship work?
Is marriage a libido killer? What's new and
exciting in the world of sex toys? Can you get
a lesbian movie star to be your wedding
celebrant? For answers to these questions
and more, keep reading.
so I curve
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...:.\
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love being in a relationship, having a strong physical and
•
emotional connection to one other person ... but I also like the
idea of having a no-strings-attached
encounter with a hot
biddy," says Allie. Allie's a friend of mine, a smart little butch
with a desert-dry sense of humor and a desert-hot girlfriend,
Sam-who
happens to be in the same room while we're
exploring this topic. Normally, I'd sense some dyke drama
brewing here, but not with these two (at least, not about
How to have one,
what makes it work
and why it's not cheating.
8Y Y1'N1'T1'LLON-M'1CI<~
this). Sam and Allie are in a four-year, nonmonogamous (or "open")
relationship. Talking about having sex with other girls isn't the half of
it. "Lesbians are usually weirded out that we sleep with other people,"
Sam says. "But then they ask a ton of questions," she laughs.
January/February
2012
I 51
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•
Tristan Taormino is a queer~friendly pornographer and
sex educator who's written the book on nonmonogamyit's called Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining
Open Relationships. She describes it as a relationship style
based around the belief that no one can have all her needs
and desires satisfied by just one other person. Those who
are looking for more complete fulfillment practice nonmo~
nogamy, giving themselves and others permission to have
sexual or emotional relationships with more than one
person simultaneously.
Some of you may have heard of open relationships but
think they are something only your gay guy friends have.
Others might believe that this kind of thing is just glorified
cheating-a sneaky validation for selfishness, "having your
cake and eating it too:' No wonder nonmonogamy is often
looked down upon in the lesbian community.
In reality, though, nonmonogamy has been categorized
as a gay man's game due to the misconception that men
can easily separate sex and emotion and that gay men in
particular are sexually insatiable. More important, and less
commonly understood, is the idea that not all lesbians are
satisfied with monogamy. Luckily, when you do it right,
you can have your cake and eat it, too. But before you start
bashing Allie and Sam for their greedy love of desserts,
let's first examine what separates nonmonogamy from
cheating. That thin line might be said to zigzag more than
go straight, but it definitely exists.
been able to hammer away with the sexy carpenter and
maintain a happy, satisfying marriage. Sure, it would've
been less dramatic, but fewer hearts would've been broken
and you would've seen more guilt~free orgasms.
Before even attempting to answer this question, you
might wonder why, if Bette and Tina are in such a happy,
satisfying marriage, they would want to sleep with other
people at all.
Our monogamous, till~death~do~you~part society drills
it into our minds that you can't simultaneously love and
desire multiple people, and that one person can and should
fulfill all your needs. Therefore, if your partner sleeps with
someone else, you should be angry, hurt and jealous that
you have been deemed inadequate and this "other girl" has
been crowned superior. In traditional monogamy, if you
get interested in someone new, you must either break off
your current relationship or extinguish your "extramarital"
feelings to keep the home fires burning.
Nonmonogamy challenges these rules. In nonmonogamy,
you and your partner (or partners) choose to be together,
instead of feeling obligated by societal expectations.
Furthermore, sexual fulfillment with others may bring
you and your partner closer together-when
the pressure
to universally satisfy each other is gone, your relationship
can be customized to your
own individual needs. For
many lesbian, bisexual and
NOT It.LL lE'~8'11'N~It.RE'~It.T't~f'lE'P
queer
women-women
W'lTM t.\0N041't.\Y. lUCl<'llY, WME'N who are already living and
loving in accordance with
1)0 '1T Ri.4MT,
{AN Ml VE'
their own dictates, not
YOURCtt.l<E'
It.NPE'lt.
T 'lT,
society's-nonmonogamy
works not only because it
allows for more freedom,
but because it's a relation~
ship style built for those rejected from or choosing to live
Open relationships come m many
outside of the traditional box.
forms. You could casually date lots of people, or
maintain serious relationships with a few, or enjoying
So, let's say Bette and Tina were more like Allie and
Sam and had discussed and willingly agreed to the carpenter
partnered nonmonogamy-probably
the open relationship
that's most common among queer women. In partnered
sex. Bette's affair might then have been considered just a
nonmonogamous event, not a scandalous infidelity.
nonmonogamy, you are primarily committed to one person
but also have sexual or emotional relationships with others.
Indulging in a steamy side dish turns infidelity into
Um ... how is this not cheating? Read on.
nonmonogamy with three key ingredients: consent, commu~
We all enjoyed the steamy scandal when The L Word's
nication and the contract. Without these three Cs you're
Bette had a hot jailbird affair with that sexy carpenter,
just a fourth C-a cheater.
even though it resulted in the sacrifice of her marriage to
Of the three Cs, the contract is the most critical because
Tina. But what if Bette had sat down with Tina, talked
devising and revising it requires lengthy communication,
about how they might open their relationship to new
and to "sign" it, you must fully consent to its terms and
people, got her input and set some rules? Then she'd have
conditions. The contract is a written or verbal agreement
you
you
TOO.
52
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z
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I
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as to the boundaries of your open relationship. Get specific
when drafting this agreement: Who, if anyone, is offlimits-friends?
exes? femmes? Consider gender, age and
personal connections. What activities are OK-romantic
dates? just sex? Consider types of penetration and safer
sex. Can your primary partner use your favorite dildo
with her other girlfriends, or should she keep it digital?
Can you have only one-night stands, or can you date
someone continuously? And when-only
on weekends?
on vacation? on your birthday? Where-in
your bed? out
of town? at the gayborhood dyke bar? Should your partner
kiss and tell, or would you prefer ignorant bliss?
Sam and Allie's open relationship contract exists in the
form of spoken agreements-the
most essential one is to
do things together and to put each other first. "I think it's
important for each couple to decide what works best for
them and feel things out;' Sam says. "When people realize
we sleep with other people, they say, 'Oh, so you're in an
open relationship:" And my answer is always, 'Sort of..:
because I can't just date whoever I want, or sleep with
whoever I want. Allie and I do things together, unless a
rare rule-breaking night occurs, in which case it's been
cleared by both of us. The goal is to have fun!" Allie agrees
that just because their relationship is open, this doesn't
mean anything goes. "There are rules. You have to prioritize!
Who comes first-love of my life, or total stranger:"'
As Sam points out, each couple must negotiate specific
situations in a way that works best for them. This is where
consent comes in. An open relationship's consensuality
may be what keeps it furthest from infidelity. As Sam
says, "I think some people have an aversion to [our open
relationship] because they see it as cheating. I don't see
anything we are both OK with as cheating:' In order to
have a consensual open relationship, everyone involved
must contribute to the terms of the contract, fully understand what they are agreeing to and genuinely mean it.
Because you can never predict with certainty how you will
feel the first night your girlfriend actually hooks up with
that hottie bartender, the contract is absolutely revisable.
No one should feel like she's forcing herself to be OK with
something she might have said yes to initially but is now
uncomfortable with.
Because of all the agreement revisions and all the processing of feelings, a nonmonogamous relationship tends
to be more talk, talk, talk then sex, sex, sex (despite what
people think). Allie sums it up in one sentence: "This all
hinges on your ability to communicate-transparency
is
a must:' If you can't already talk openly and honestly with
your partner about your feelings, especially the controversial
ones, an open relationship will only expose and widen the
cracks as needs aren't met and resentment builds up.
Even with a flawless, communicative, consensual contract,
open relationships are challenging. It's tough to schedule
all that sex in between gym time, ladies' nights out and a
full-time job! I guess the jealousy could be a problem, too.
For Allie, that challenge is obvious. ''Attraction can potentially lead to many complicated feelings, like jealousy and
infatuation. Even with the same [relationship] objective,
we all think and feel differently:' You can fight jealousy
with self-awareness and what Taormino calls ''compersion;'
loosely defined as taking joy in your partner's sexual and
romantic relationships with others. "Sleeping with others
has to be something you are sexually into as well," Sam
explains. "If you see your partner screwing someone else
and enjoying it, are you going to get jealous and freak out?
Or are you going to enjoy the sights and have some fun?
It can also add huge amounts of spice to your sex life once
those other people have gone home. Having seen your
partner in new ways can be a super turn-on:'
Genuinely wanting to see your partner sexually and
emotionally happy (whether or not that directly includes
you) can fend off the green-eyed monster. However,
jealously happens. Acknowledge your jealousy and try to
communicate constructively about it, knowing that just
because society says so, you don't have to be jealous of your
partner's other relationships. Soothe your partner's jealousy by consistently appreciating her, whether you show
it through weekly date nights, a foot massage or a written
list of why you love her so. However, take unquenchable
jealousy as a sign that something basic needs adjusting.
As Taormina advises, "When you are content ... and feel
secure and satisfied in your relationship, it greatly lessens
your envy of others:'
Nonmonogamy does not equal cheating, but it is still
possible to cheat on your partner in a nonmonogamous
relationship. Nonmonogamy is not about hurting your
partner, nor it is about promiscuity, dissatisfaction
or instability. When you discover the essential
elements in an open relationship-communication, consent and the contract-you
can see that its success relies on the same
values that exist in a healthy monogamous one: namely, trust, understanding,
and, yes, fidelity and devotion. As Allie
says, so sweetly,"In the end, these [sexual]
encounters only reinforce my relationship
[with Sam]. They are enjoyable, but at the
end of the day they are not nearly as satisfying as what I am fortunate enough to
experience every day in my very-muchcommitted open relationship:'
Awww. Can we have our cake now? ■
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,
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I..........................
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lf TER THE HONEYt.\OON
The truth about sex after marriage. 8Y 1'LL't~ON ~TE''tN8E'R4
\N
e have plenty of reason to rejoice as same-sex marriage becomes a reality for more
and more of us around the country, but after all the thrown rice has settled what
are the potential downsides of making honest women of one another? Aside from
arguments about who left her dirty socks lying around or why the electric bill wasn't paid,
what about the all-important issue of post-marital coitus? Does tying the knot add heat in
the bedroom, or does the official declaration of endless domestic day-to-days decrease
the lesbian libido? How is marriage affecting the health of our sex lives?
The straight world has dialogued about whether marriage
puts a damper on desire ever since Lucy and Desi pushed
their beds together on TV and pop culture lifted the taboo on
talking about sex. Check out the lifestyle magazines at your
local bookstore and count how many cover lines mention
something about "spicing up your love life"-presumably
these are geared toward straight wives who sit around
complaining about how dull it is in their bedrooms.
In the lesbian community, we call it the dreaded lesbian
bed death (LBD) and talk about how long~term partners
inevitably replace synchronized muff~diving with couples'
crocheting and other arguably less titillating pastimes. We
haven't yet distinguished, though, between how excited we
are to be able to legally wed and what that actually means
for the vibrancy and spontaneity of our sexual relations.
According to a survey of 300 legally married curve
readers, the longer couples are married, the more their
54
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sex lives diminish and the less satisfied they become with
the quantity and quality of their horizontal honey~time.
According to the survey, most of the women who have
been married for less than a year report that they are
"very satisfied" with their sex lives or that they "could
be better but could be worse:' Among those who have
been legally wed for one to two years, satisfaction decreases
significantly. Those who have been married for more
than two years are the least satisfied with their sex lives,
many reporting that they have sex once a month,
on average, and characterize it as "the pits. Wish we had
more bedroom time:'
Queer performance artist and eco~sex activist Annie
Sprinkle offers this assessment: "Married couples some~
times are very affectionate, and satisfied, but have less sex.
Some couples are very lucky and they have it all-lots of
hot sex, lots of romance and lots of affection:' Sprinkle
UJ
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also points out that married couples, or more traditional
long~term couples, might have children, which could also
make for less time alone in the bedroom. "Kids make it
more challenging-as
energy levels can be low and time
can be tighter;' she says.
Lesbian advice columnist Kathy Beige (aka Dipstick of
Lipstick & Dipstick) says,"I hear from lesbian couples every
day who experience what they call lesbian bed death. I like
to call it lesbian bed nap, though, because the sex hasn't
entirely gone away-it's just not as frequent as one member
of the couple would like it:'
Death, napping, hibernation, kids, pets, parenthood or
whatever, it seems that the more committed a couple is
and the longer they' re together, the more their sex lives
take a backseat (perhaps the couple should climb into the
backseat in a quiet location more often)."It is natural for sex
to die down once a relationship gets settled;' Beige adds,
which raises the question, why does our desire for our
partners decrease as our commitment to them increases?
"People begin to take each other for granted;' Beige
says. "They don't do the little things any more to make
themselves sexy for their partners. Whereas in the begin~
ning of a relationship, all she had to do was look at you
over her cappuccino and you were ready to go, now you
have to work a little harder to bring sex and romance to
the forefront:'
Sprinkle believes that "people often use sex for dating
purposes, to attract a partner. Or if they are alone, they
need to feel loved and need touch and affection:'
So sex may be a mating call of sorts. You head to the
girly bar on a Friday night ready to release those phero~
mones onto your unsuspecting prey. Maybe you leave
that extra button undone on your shirt or spray on
a dash of that new, irresistible cologne to attract your
mate. Once you've captured the queen bee in your web,
there's no longer a biological urge to unleash the same
amount of hormonally delicious passion under the covers.
Because you've already bagged your prey, now it's all
nesting and macrame.
Sex is, after all, biological. Every emotion you feel is a
chemical reaction that your brain is producing in concert
with your hormonal glands and organs. However, science
is unable to explain that je ne sais quoi, that intrinsic sense
that you're connected to someone on a spiritual level. And
often it's this loss of intimacy that married lesbian couples
miss most when things begin to cool down sexually.
According to psychotherapist and Director of Counseling
Services at New York City College of Technology Cindy
Bink, LMHC-who
specializes in couples' counseling
for lesbian relationships-this
is because "women are
trained to be more social, empathetic and sensual. Most
lesbian couples I work with report much more intense 'new
relationship' sex than their heterosexual or even gay male
counterparts. They describe an all~consuming sex, giving
everything over, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Once commitment is established, a few things happen to
all couples that decrease the desire to have sex: Couples
must negotiate for their needs, recognizing that their
partner cannot meet every one of them. The fall from this
'new relationship' phase is much harder, disappointing and
difficult for lesbian couples, because the intensity was so
much greater to begin with:'
Whether or not you believe in the institution of marriage,
most of us believe in the power of sex to connect us
mentally, physically and spiritually to the ones we love.
Would you change your mind about tying the knot if you
knew that entering into a legal entanglement with your
sexual partner could lead to the eventual loss of naked
entanglements? Every couple is different and every lesbian
has different needs, but along with the flowers and the DJ,
the health of your sex life is one more thing to consider on
the path to marriage. ■
January/February
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•
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hat makes a sex toy "lesbian?" Well,
·••:••······················································································
W
not a pair of silicone testicles, that's
for sure. Meet two women who put the
pleasure of other women first, and married
their understanding of female anatomy and
desire with innovative design.
THE PUET
Industrial designer Ti Chang is on a m1ss10n to give
women pleasure. Bored with vibrators that mimic penises,
the graduate of the Georgia Institute of Technology in
Industrial Design (she also holds an MA in Design Products
from the Royal College of Art in London), Chang, set out to
satisfy women with a new brand of toy: the Crave Duet
offers a tech-savvy design that looks like a thumb drive,
is waterproof and won't go off in your luggage. In fact, no
TSA official would guess its purpose.
Behind the creation
of two sex toys.
Whatdidyousetoutto achievewithCrave?
I wanted to build a company that embraces and respects
female sexuality by creating products and experiences where
it is all about her. I hope these products will help to change the
perception of sex toys for women, that sex toys don't have to
be phallic and juvenile-they can be sophisticated and sexy.
WhatputstheDuetaboveandbeyondothervibrators?
Duet is a considered design that encompasses aesthetic,
engineering and user experience. We've designed this
product to deliver a great experience from the moment
you lay your eyes on it, pick it up, use it, to the moment
you store it away. The Duet more closely resembles a smart
modern gadget than a phallic-shaped object. Visually there
is nothing to be embarrassed about; to a lot of women, true
discretion is very important-if
it was left out in the open,
no one would really be bothered by it. If anything it is quite
intriguing. The combination of velvety body-safe silicone
and metal has a luxurious tactile quality that feels good
in your hand. The Duet is virtually silent but also quite
powerful. The Duet is rechargeable via USB, which does
away with having to deal with batteries and chargers. Each
Duet comes with a slim black leather case for safekeeping. On
the whole, no other vibrators have this complete experience.
Howisthe Dueta sustainable
product?
The areas we have initially focused on are local manufacturing in San Francisco, packaging and we're looking to
offset the carbon footprint of the products. We use FSC
paper harvested from sustainable forestry. We decided to
not print instruction booklets that never get read, instead
we provide an engraved charm with a unique URL where
you can always find the most up-to-date information. The
leather case serves as padding during shipping and is a great
storage case as well.
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Whathavebeensomecomments
fromwomensofar?
They have been so delighted with the elegance of the form
and the fact it doesn't scream vibrator. Women absolutely
love the USB charging-I mean love.
Whatisthebestthingaboutcreatingsextoysforwomen?
The experience of the design process is truly enjoyable.
Having a clitoris is clearly an advantage, but I think what
really gives me the edge is that I'm an industrial designer. The
wonderful and sometimes hilarious conversations I've had
with women who I hardly know-talking
frankly about
intimacy and sex-it's so refreshing and honest! Personally,
I feel like I'm making a difference in the best way I know
how. (lovecrave.com)[MerrynJohns]
THE TWO
Alice Derock has created a lesbianfocused response to the hundreds of sex
toys on the market that remind us only of
what we're "lacking" instead of enhancing
what we've already got. Toy TWO, made
by Derock's lesbian-owned and -operated
company, Wet For Her, is worn over the
index and middle finger to organically
intensify digital G-spot stimulation which
is second nature to lesbian lovers. Nominated for Best Non- Powered Product in
AVN magazine's annual "O" Awards,
Toy TWO lends us a hand.
Whatwasyourinspiration
forToyTWO?
Since women are limited to using their fingers during
intimacy, we decided to replicate a two-finger design that
slips over the fingers in order to allow a woman's existing
resources to pack a little more punch. We know that partner play is an intimate experience and we didn't want to
compromise it with additional bells and whistles. We just
wanted to enhance it naturally.
•••••••••
.••
•
••
WhoisToyTWOintended
for?
While our brand is directed towards the queer community,
Toy TWO is for everyone who desires a more personal
experience with their partner. Toy TWO requires little
partner communication during interaction, as the wearer
can feel exactly what is happening with their partner.
While Toy TWO is ideal for well-seasoned couples that
enjoy G-spot play, it's also great for beginners who are
looking to experiment with a non-invasive toy.
WhatmakesToyTWO"thefirstoriginallesbiansextoy"?
Toy TWO was designed solely for the purpose of representing a queer woman's sexuality. From the design of Toy
TWO to the packaging, we
are the first queer-owned and
-operated novelty company to
manufacture toys specifically
for lesbians and those who
identify as queer women.
Whatare someof the benefits
andchallenges
ofbeinga lesbian
-ownedcompanyin the maledominated
sextoyindustry?
It is challenging because we
are creating pleasure products
from a queer female perspec\J
tive which, understandably,
some people don't relate to.
The inspiration behind our
line of toys 1s derived
from our own personal experiences and feedback
from our customers-not
based on what competitors are producing. We design products from a sex toy
consumer perspective, because we were consumers
before we were sex toy manufacturers. Every time we meet
someone who is enthusiastic about what we are trying to
accomplish, it makes our dedication to serving the queer
community worthwhile (weiforher.us).[VanaTallon-Hicks]
•••.!4.
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•
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• ••
January/February
•••••••
2012
I 57
•-:i
•
•
••
Julie, a then fan of my work in the film, Elena Undone, tweeted on
the eve of New York celebrating the legality of same-sex marriage:
"Get ORDAINED and marry me and my GF in NY? YES? PLEASE?
#BeAPartofHistory."
I leapt at the opportunity with glee and responded with the tweet:
"Reverend Dinwiddie@ your service!"
From there we began a genuine correspondence: personal videos
and letters giving account of their long-term relationship and what
marriage meant to each of them. It was easy to see Julie and Jenn loved
each other immensely, and this wedding would be a celebration of the
union they quite obviously already had. I was in.
Excitement over progress being made for same sex couples to be
legally wed was also a huge attraction for me. I did want to be a part of
history, especially in my own LGBT community.
Still, nothing could prepare me for the powerful wave of emotion that
surged through me as I spoke the words, "By the power vested in me by
the gracious state of New York, I now pronounce you ... wives!" It was like
nothing I've ever felt before. There we stood, in the midst of history being
rewritten. Two women were legally wed on Oct. 22, 2011. I was there
sealing the deal. It still gives me delightful chills thinking about it. ■
January/February 2
hile Mexico's capital is garnering most of the queer
traveler attention, there's a lot more than the bustling
city to explore. When my partner's sister said she was
having a destination wedding in a sleepy town outside of
Cancun, we jumped at the opportunity to turn a hetero
wedding into a homo travel adventure.
For a long time, I'd avoided the Yucatan. Cancun's
reputation as a Girls Gone Wild mecca had made me
write off the entire Peninsula. But as we discovered in
our 12-day trip to the Yucatan, there's a whole lot more
to this sunny strip of land than keg stands and wet
T-shirt contests.
The Yucatan offers a variety of vacation options. If you
only have a few days and just want to sit in an infinity pool
with a margarita in your hand, you can do that. There
are plenty of great all-inclusive deals offered, and as we
discovered, most of the resorts are very queer-friendly,
and some are even queer-specific. jQue bueno!
If you're more interested in an adventure travel vacation,
the Yucatan offers some of the best options for adventurous
dykes. There are cenotes (open air, fresh water caves) to
swim in, cliffs to dive off, an incredible reef to snorkel and
some of the best kiteboarding in the world.
Like most vacation destinations, there's a well-worn
travelers' trail. It's fine to venture off it, but because
so many people opt to stay in Cancun, the rest of the
Peninsula is yours for adventure.
Isla Mujeres
Isla Mujeres, or the Island of Women, seemed like a
great place to start our dyketastic vacation. This little
island off of Cancun offers the best of its mainland
neighbor ( turquoise water, beautiful reefs, accessibility
to the airport), without the crazy party scene. There's no
need for a car on this island. Rent a moped or bike to
explore the best beaches, like Playa Norte and the turtle
breeding grounds.
There's a wide array of housing on the Island of
Women, from expensive all-inclusive honeymooner
resorts to quaint B&Bs. My two favorite spots to stay
are Casa Sirena, which is owned by Steve and his partner.
It's queer-friendly and offers a great happy hour on the
roof deck. We also had a great stay at Isla Mujeres Palace
Resorts-an
all-inclusive, adults-only spot on the south
end of the island. Though straight-owned, no one batted an eye when we asked for a honeymoon room with
a king size bed and a romantic dinner on the beach.
( sirena.com.mx, islamujerespalace.com)
January/February
2012
I 63
Tulunt
Mayan Riviera
T ulum has long been a getaway for hippie and yoga travelers.
It's now becoming an LGBT destination as well. There's
an all-inclusive gay resort called Adonis. It's mostly guys,
but still an amazing setting and kind of a nice break from
the primarily straight resorts. (adonistulum.com)
T ulum excels as an eco-tourism destination. Most of
the hotels are just palapason the beach, with hatched roof
and sand floors. You can wake up in your palapa,have coffee
in a hammock on the beach, do some yoga and spend the
day boarding or diving in the clear blue cenotes.
We stayed at Om T ulum, a charming little spot on the
beach. At $80 a night, you can't beat it, and they have a
great happy hour drink special. If you're willing to splurge
a bit, Jose y Ana's hotel is a more luxurious option, but
with the same mellow vibe. However, with views of the
water and ocean air coming through your windows, any
palapa will do (tulum-playa.com).
For discerning palates, there are a lot of little health
food restaurants on the Tulum hotel strip, where you
can get wheatgrass smoothies and tempeh sandwiches.
But we found the best food of the whole trip at Charlie's
Restaurant in town owned by Charlie, a Yucatan native.
The authenticity of his tasty Mexican food was matched
only by his heroism: Earlier in the day I had been stung
by a stingray (note: shuffie your feet when entering the
water; mantarayas only attack if you step on them). As
soon as Charlie saw my wound he whipped up a holistic
Yucatan treatment for me.
This upscale area of the peninsula is made up primarily
of all-inclusive hotels, and if you're looking for a restful
vacation rather than an adventure excursion, this is the
place to go. Great deals on flight and hotel packages are
commonplace, and with the size of these resorts, there's
really no need to leave.
We stayed at Secrets Silversands, a four-diamond resort
outside of Puerto Morelos. I'm not normally an all-inclusive
resort kind of person, but once experienced, Puerto Morelos
is hard to leave behind. With their infinity pools, swim
up bars, and plethora of five star restaurants ( all included
in the price), this was a true vacation. There were other
queer couples there, and while you could certainly be
affectionate in public here, with the king size bed, jet tub
and room service, we had plenty of opportunities to keep
our romance inside ( secrets resorts.com/ silversands).
Playa del Cannen
Playa del Carmen is the third largest city on the Peninsula
and offered the most nightlife of anywhere so far. There
are more restaurants than you can shake a sunburned
hand at, and most of the places offer nightly drink specials.
If you speak Spanish, you may be able to talk your way
into 2-for- 1 margaritas.
During the day, there's no reason to do anything but
spend it on the beach. The tranquil teal waters were
some of the best for swimming, glass bottom boat and
snorkeling trips that leave from the light sand beaches
I had heard rumors that Playa del Carmen
was a really gay town, and we did see some
other gay folks. There is a gay bar, Playa 69,
hidden at the end of an alley. It's definitely
a local scene and it was nice to see a gay bar
again, but the dirty carpet, dimly lit bar and
"guys only" weren't as enticing as our own
thatch-roof deck.
Playa del Carmen offers a ton of lodging
options, from cheap hostels to upscale allinclusive resorts. We opted for something
in the middle-a
sweet little spot called
Playa Palms, which had a hot plate for
making quesadillas, a mini fridge for our
Tecates and our own private little balcony
(playapalms.com).
Saying adlos, or hasta luego
to the Yucatan
Twelve days was not enough Yucatan time.
We didn't even get to see the flamboyance
of flamingos in Celestun who color the sky
pink, or the colonial town of Merida. Even
with the stingray attack and nearly wrecking
our rental car on a "highway" that suddenly
disappeared, we weren't ready to leave the
Yucatan. We're hoping for another destination wedding to finish the trip. ■
llistoric Retreat
San Miguel de Allende
Northwest of Mexico City, this tourist-friendly
destination draws many a lesbian and gay
honeymooner to its charming cobblestoned
streets. By Kelsey Chauvin
~::::;
(!}
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:::)
a
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exico's beaches are an obvious draw,
south of the border, but it is in the heart of the Sierra
Madre that you'll find the charming haven of San Miguel
de Allende. About 170 miles northwest of the capital, San
Miguel is home to craftspeople, artists and musicians, as
well as a language and visual arts school and a celebrated
cooking school. All of these influences contribute to an
atmosphere that attracts thousands of visitors every year.
Some come as honeymooners from Mexico City, where
gay marriage has been legal since late 2009, but many
come just to enjoy the enchanting ambience of this World
Heritage city.
San Miguel's cobblestoned streets represent more than
four centuries of native and Spanish history. Along them
you'll find a mix of local wares, art and culinary delights,
many appealing to the most contemporary tastes. A stroll
might take you past the local bullring (with fall and spring
seasons), past the 1873 neoclassical Teatro Angela Peralta
(where you can hear everything from jazz to chamber music),
and eventually, to the town's finest bakery, Petit Four (at
Mesones 99~1, Centro). Created by the eternally sweet
Paco Cardenas Baez, Petit Four's handmade bonbons and
baked delights add to the town's culinary sensuality.
A few blocks from the town square, there's another
delectable way to experience local cuisine firsthand-at
Sazon Mexican cooking school, in the beautiful hotel Casa
de Sierra Nevada. A lesson at Sazon starts with a tour of
the town market alongside a local che£ There you'll gather
tortilla dough and other fresh ingredients as you sample
tamales, fruits and juices. (Plan for a return trip to buy
locally crafted souvenirs.)
Back at the kitchen, you'll join the chef and your class~
mates in creating something ridiculously delicious and
surprisingly simple, such as tangy sauteed cactus leaf,
lightly fried squash flowers and carnitas with guacamole so
fresh you'll think you're on an avocado farm.
Of course, there's much more comida to be found on the
winding roads of San Miguel. A gourmet experience awaits
you at gay~owned Mezzanine (mezzaninebistro.wordpress.
com), where contemporary innovation is applied to tradi~
tional dishes-such as beef filet in espresso sauce and fish
with cognac butter. Nearby, La Azotea (azoteasanmiguel.
com/la_azotea) serves delicious tapas and drinks on its
covered terrace, above the restaurant, and draws a mixed
crowd, especially as part of an unofficial gay scene.
What quickly becomes dear is that a visit to San Miguel
de Allende starts off like a cultural tour, but lives on in your
memory as a piece of your own personal journey. ■
January/February
~
2012
I 65
w tly seduces
a tropical state of mind.
lsy Chauvin
here are many dreamy tropical layers to Key
West. Its location, at the end of the coral archipelago that is the Florida Keys, is legendary for stunning
sunsets and dear blue water. But the island is more than
just a vainglorious beauty-it
is proudly independent
in spirit, welcoming one and all to soak up its lax and
luscious vibe.
And of course the gays love it. The "Conch Republic"
(that's pronounced "conk;' by the way) has a way of luring
people with bigger personalities than the average mainlander. It's been a home to treasure seekers, and thrived as
a trading post between New Orleans and Atlantic Ocean
ports. In 1982, the island even did its best to secede from
the United States, when the U.S. Border Patrol suddenly
set up roadblocks to thwart the flow of narcotics and illegal
aliens. The secession failed, but Key Westers are still flaming
proud to have, at the very least, their own conch state of
mind, if not their own republic.
Key West's official motto, "One Human Family;' promotes hospitality to all, but frankly, its lesbian and gay
community is central to its coolness. The island is home
to 26,000 residents, and manages to feel about 50 percent
queer-especially
if you hang out in the Pink Triangle
around Duval and Virginia streets. The Gay Key West
Trolley Tour ($25, gaykeywestfl.com), Saturdays at 11
a.m., is a nice introduction to the island, during which
healthy smatterings of humor and history will not interfere
with your socializing.
Another plus for LGBT travelers is that it's easy to
patronize gay-owned and -run businesses. You can't throw a
66
I curve
conch shell without hitting one of many such B&Bs, hotels
and resorts (don't let the label "resort" mislead you-the
island's too small for anything oversize). Before booking,
ladies should be aware that there are gay guesthouses that are
men-only. But most, like Cypress House (cypresshousekw.
com), Alexander's Guesthouse (alexanderskeywest.com),
and the lovely lesbian-owned Pearl's (pearlsrainbow.com),
are not exclusive and often very mixed.
You won't have to be on your honeymoon to feel lust in
your heart for the most romantic sunset views. If you want
to commune with the dusk at dinner, try SHOR Restaurant
(shorgrilLcom), a hidden gem in the Hyatt Resort on the
harbor's edge. It's surprisingly low-key for such a delectable
little west-side nook, with patio or air-conditioned dining
facing the horizon and the open-air Blue Mojito cocktail
lounge just across the pool.
Another spot you'll have to see in the evening is Mallory
Square: At its nightly Sunset Celebration, street performers
and musicians will entertain you, lending the perfect evening
just a bit more personality. The island's only high-rise is
the seven-story La Concha (laconchakeywest.com), where
sunset drinks on the rooftop are definitely in order, if only
to say that you raised a glass to Tennessee Williams at the
hotel where he wrote A Streetcar Named Desire.
The history of Key West is full of little tidbits, such as
that at one time it was the richest city in the States, and
was home to the original Margaritaville, and has more bars
that hosted Ernest Hemingway than any other city in the
world-well, maybe not. But it is dear that throwing back
cocktails rivals any water sport as the most popular form of
Curve Slept Here
Alexander's Guesthouse
Alexander's Guesthouse, an up market yet intimate gay
and lesbian resort, possesses all the desired hallmarks
of hospitality: Friendly and intelligent service; in-the-know
staff who treat you like family and yet indulge your
every whim; immaculate decor with that queer eye for
detail we crave in gay establishments; heated pool and
Jacuzzi set amongst lush tropical gardens and open
for your use 24 hours; and a continental breakfast
cornucopia featuring eggs made to order, home-baked
muffins, French toast and jugs of mimosas or Bloody
Marys. In times past, Alexander's may have seemed
more geared to gay men than women, but times have
changed: the vibe at this boutique B&B is queer and
mixed, with clothing optional times of days and for
both sexes. The vibe is indeed so welcoming, and
the quintessential Conch Republic architecture so
homey yet elegant, that it is easy for a girl to wish
she lived here or had an endless amount of time to
lounge around. But do try to pull yourself away from
this easygoing establishment to enjoy the abundant
recreation down here. To that end, be sure to spend time at Pearl's
Patio for daily drink specials and lively girl~time. And while many
of the bars and restaurants share a mixed gay and straight clientele,
there are several rainbow~flag staples, including 801 Bourbon Bar
(801bourbon.com), La Te Da (lateda.com) and Aqua Nightclub
(aquakeywest.com) for dancing.
Among its salty-but still standing-wooden Victorian homes
and bits of Miami~inspired Art Deco architecture, Key West hosts
one of the world's most exuberant Pride experiences, going strong
for seven~plus days every year in early June. Lesbians flock to
the five~day Womenfest (womenfest.com) every September, making
quite an environmental impact with their bikinis and tattoos.
Womenfest's onslaught of singers, comedians, cruises, pool parties
and dances gives Provincetown Women's Week a run for its mimosas.
Then in late October it's time to party all over again. Halloween
revelry ignites the place with the aquatic~themed and delightfully
depraved Fantasy Fest (fantasyfest.net), with costume balls, parades
and more all week.
Because it is a tropical water~wrappedpoint, Key West is primarily
a destination for all things aquatic. It is surrounded by the "flats;'
or sandbars, that, when you're boating, make for amazing little
low~tide beaches. Joining a boat ride or sail is the ultimate Conch
Republic experience and can lead to unforgettable snorkeling, fishing
and dolphin~watching adventures. Along the Harbor Walk on the
island's north shore, many independent boat owners will charter
their boats at good rates (you may even get a price break with a
bartender's referral), or you can join a set tour for anywhere from
$40 to $100, through companies like Venus Charters (venuscharters.
com) or Blue Q (bluqkeywest.com).
The most important thing, though, in the self~proclaimed
Home of the Sunset, is simple: Make sure you're ready when the
sun goes down-because after that, anything can happen. ■
local attractions. After all, Alexander's is perfectly
located in the historic Old Town district of Key West,
and a short walk to just about everything. There
is, however, one delightful distraction: Alexander's
complimentary poolside happy hour. There is nothing
better than floating in the pool sipping one of Charlie's
dirty martinis and frolicking with your girl. But those Key
West sunsets are legendary, and beckon love-struck
lesbians they do. We highly recommend peeling
yourself away from Alexander's to take the romantic
and relaxed Wind & Wine Sunset Sail (dangercharters.
com). But first, let's finish that dirty martini and take
another dip. (a!exanderskeywest.com)
[MerrynJohns]
January/February
2012
I 67
orn and raised in Buffalo, N.Y., I could list
a variety of reasons why the "City of Good Neighbors" is
often unjustly overlooked as a unique and affordable travel
destination. But instead of climbing up on my soapbox,
let me take you on a little tour around my backyard, my
city-which is even more attractive as a destination since
2011's Marriage Equality Act, a New York State law
that allows gender-neutral marriages for both same- and
opposite-sex couples.
Things To Do•
Cultural
Wonders
We lesbians often like to immerse ourselves in independent
music, art and culture-three things that Buffalo is known
for. After all, Ani Difranco grew up here.
You can start your cultural adventure at the Darwin
Martin House, an architectural gem designed by the incomparable Frank Lloyd Wright. Witnessing his talent for
design and innovation with your own eyes is a one-of-akind experience.
Buffalo is also home to both the Burchfield Penney Art
Center and the Albright- Knox Art Gallery. The Burchfield
Penney is the first art museum in New York State to be
certified by the U.S. Green Building Council's Leadership
in Energy and Environmental Design. It was specifically
designed to interact with the art on display and enhance
68
I curve
your viewing experience. Many regional artists are featured
throughout the museum, including Charles E. Burchfield
himsel£ Located right across the street is the AlbrightKnox, an art gallery that is nationally recognized for its
artistic history and long-standing dedication to modern
art. You'll find everything from photography and sculpture
to artwork from some of the most celebrated artists of all
time, including Monet and Picasso. For fans of contemporary art, Hallwalls Contemporary Arts Center is located in
Babeville-a rehabbed-church-turned-event-venue
developed by none-other-than Ani DiFranco. Righteous Babe
Records is located there, too.
I've seen many wonderful Broadway shows and musicals
at Shea's Performing Arts Center. My grandmother took
me there to see Guysand Dollswhen I was 10 and I've been
a theater fan ever since. I've also had the pleasure of seeing
Sarah Mclachlan perform live at Shea's. The acoustics gave
me goose bumps. There's also the Buffalo United Artists
Theater, which is an off-Broadway performance center
dedicated to showcasing LGBT artists, playwrights and
performers. This year, the BUA will be celebrating its
20-year anniversary.
In order to get a good feel for Buffalo's diverse vibe and
community, simply take a walk through the Elmwood
Village and Allentown district. You'll find plenty of
boutiques, coffee shops, independent bookstores and
restaurants to keep you busy for hours. Down by the
waterfront, Lake Erie's cool breeze will wash over you
as you stroll along the water's edge. Speaking of water,
Buffalo is only a short drive to Niagara Falls-a natural
wonder that can't even be described in words. Add in all of
the art and food festivals and special events that take place
in the city throughout the year, and the question quickly
becomes "what not to dot
Where to Stay • Go Big Or Go Home
Buffalo is a city with a small town feel. It doesn't matter
where you choose to stay while you're here, because you'll
be dose to everything. The Mansion on Delaware Avenue
is an upscale, top-rated hotel featuring stately rooms and
European-style design, perfect for grand-style weddings
and events. During your stay, enjoy award-winning food
and beverage as well as 24-hour personalized butler service.
Down the road a bit, you'll find Embassy Suites-newly
constructed and built according to 'green'' construction
standards. The hotel is situated in the Avant, a gorgeously
aesthetic mixed-use building in Buffalo's thriving business
and entertainment district. Lastly, the Hampton Inn and
Suites is comfortable and convenient, being within walking
distance of the theater district and HSBC Arena, home of
the Buffalo Sabres.
Where to Eat • Bountiful Buffalo
There is no shortage of great food in Buffalo. From local
staples like "beef on week" ( roast beef on kummelweck
roll) to our world-famous chicken wings, there are many
different local pubs and fine restaurants to choose from. I'm
partial to Betty's Restaurant, a quaint little restaurant and
cafe located in the Elmwood district. It's a gay-friendly spot
known for its sunny disposition, funky and friendly staff
and wholesome food. (I highly recommend their breakfast.)
Vegetarians and vegans alike can get their food fix at Merge,
a local eatery dedicated to sustainable and organic food
options as well as to preserving local music and art in the
Buffalo area. If you're looking for a fine-dining experience,
Hutch's Restaurant and Tempo are considered premier
dining destinations. There's also Mother's Restaurant and
Allen Street Hardware Cafe, which are both located right
in the middle of Allentown-the 'gay" side of town.
Where the Girls Are • Righteous
Babes
Of course, I know where the girls are- I live here. You can
start in the Allentown district at Roxy's, our most popular
lesbian dub featuring high-energy DJs, live music, karaoke
and "Coyote Ugly Night:' If you love to dance and mingle
with the many colors of the LGBT rainbow, Club Marcella
is the place to go. From Thursday to Sunday, you can enjoy
dub music, theme parties and events, and live eclectic performances. But if you're looking for something more low-key,
Nietzsche's is a dim-lit and laidback bar that showcases live
bands and folk musicians. Melissa Ferrick, among others,
loves performing at Nietzsche's.
Where to Tie the Knot • Wedding Belles
Now that New York State has legalized gay marriage,
there's even more reason to come to Buffalo. You can plan
a memorable and affordable wedding rather easily. One-ofa-kind wedding venues include Babeville (DiFranco's own
event venue), Buffalo and Erie County Botanical Gardens,
Burchfield Penny Art Center, the Buffalo and Erie County
Historical Society, Delaware Park, Shea's Performing Arts
Center and the Statler Ballroom at the historic Statler
Hotel. Of course, you also have the option of holding your
wedding ceremony and reception in Niagara Falls, N.Y.
Rainbow Bells and the Falls Wedding Chapel both cater to
same-sex wedding couples.
How to Get There • Shuffle Off
American Airlines (American Eagle) flies to Buffalo and
the Buffalo Niagara International Airport is small and
easy to navigate, with the city only a short 15-minute drive
away. Both the bus and the Amtrak station are located
downtown. For additional travel advice, LGBT wedding
information and details, and directions to all of Buffalo's
famous hotspots-visit the Buffalo Niagara Convention &
Visitors Bureau (visitbuffaloniagara.com). Hopefully, I'll
see you around town. ■
Go Buffalo:
Shea's (from
left), AlbrightKnox Art
Gallery and
the Mansion
on Delaware
January/February
2012
I 69
Island Thne
Attention, snowbirds! The U.S. and British
Virgin Islands are calling. By Allison Steinberg
re you daydreaming about floating in warm,
turquoise waters while sipping on a sweet
beverage served in a coconut? Are your toes
tired of winter boots and craving soft, white sand? The
Virgin Islands are the answer to your paradise prayers!
Located in the Lesser Antilles, the cluster of islands that
make up the Virgin Islands are ideally located between the
Atlantic and the Caribbean just south of Puerto Rico. The
three southwest islands in the chain-St. Thomas, St.John
and St. Croix-form the United States Virgin Islands, and
Anegada, Tortola,Jost Van, Virgin Gorda as well as dozens
of other, tiny islands make up the British Virgin Islands
just to the northeast.
Don't let the name fool you; you don't need to be chaste
in the Virgin Islands. In fact, this chain of British and
American-owned islands is more LG BT-friendly than just
about anywhere else in the Caribbean. Its virginal aspects
refer to the pristine landscape, the preserved parklands, the
beautiful, clean beaches, and the colorful coral reefs. While
the Virgin Islands are more lesbian-friendly than most other
Caribbean destinations because of its history of predominantly American and British ownership, it's worth mentioning
that there is still"island mentality" which means the culture
is not as open as some of the places we might be accustomed to. That said, you don't have to worry about asking
for the single king bed or engaging in that much-desired
ocean wrestling match, but you might want to be more
aware of your surroundings than you would normally be
in say San Francisco or New York. The U.S. Virgin Islands,
and St. Croix in particular, are known to be more open
towards lesbians than the British Virgin Islands.
St. Thomas is a great starting point for your virginal
ventures. Daily flights coming in from just about every major
airline means that St. Thomas is your best bet for cheaper
airfare. JetBlue's new service from San Juan and Boston
(with connections available from New York and points
beyond) is bringing even cheaper deals into the region).
You can opt to spend your trip in St. Thomas, but it's also
the most developed of all the islands in the chain and
not necessarily the most alluring. Your time in St. Thomas
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might be best spent on a 20-minute cab ride, which offers
pretty vistas as you drive through the mountain and traverse
the whole island, to the ferry dock, where you can catch a
short and cheap boat ride to one of several stunning islands.
You can opt to pack light and not bring your passport,
which limits you to the U.S. Virgin Islands, St. John or St.
Croix, both of which are excellent vacation destinations on
their own. Franklin D. Roosevelt designated 60 percent
of St. John Island as Federal Reserve, which means miles
of untouched forest, beach and wildlife. Wild donkeys
and goats serenade you in the mountains and unmatched
snorkeling awaits you on the shores down below. Some of
the world's most beautiful beaches are located on St. John,
including the much-acclaimed Trunk Bay, with soft white
sand and crystal clear water. The whole island has the feel
of a five-star Key West; American, quirky, LGBT-friendly.
St. John's Inn is a lesbian-friendly boutique hotel right in
downtown St. John. With affordable rates and easy access
to the shops and restaurants, it's a great option for your stay.
Hidden Reef Eco-Tours is an LG BT-friendly tour company
on St. John that will make your kayak and snorkel dreams
come true.
St. Croix is the best-known lesbian-friendly island in the
chain. Though the height of LGBT vitality and nightlife
was actually in the '60s and '70s and has since dwindled,
this beautiful island still boasts the most accepting escape
for same-sex snorkeling and other such gay activities in the
Virgin Islands. The best-known lesbian hotel is Sand Castle
on the Beach, a beachfront property that rents studios,
suites and villas. Palms at Pelican Cove is another popular
hotel where the queers flock, and a place to consider for
your destination wedding or honeymoon needs. If you're
looking to get married in St. Croix, Wedding St. Croix,
a company run by an LGBT-loving captain and minister,
can help you with your knot-tying needs. Dorscht Beach
is the most popular gateway to the Caribbean in St. Croix
and the best spot for lesbian-watching. If adventure calls,
St. Croix Ultimate Bluewater Adventures and Venture Out
are two LGBT tour companies in St. Croix that will guide
you through underwater thrills.
The Charlotte Amalie section of St. Thomas, known
as "Frenchtown;' is where the most LGBT businesses are
located. Epernay is a cute wine bar and the upstairs area,
Stereo, is the best-known spot where both gay men and
women go on Friday and Saturday nights to party. There
are no lesbian-only bars or clubs in the Virgin Islands, but
that doesn't mean you can't start the party! A lot of places
see diverse crowds and are more tolerant towards lesbians
than their Caribbean counterparts. If you're on the prowl
for a party mate in the Virgin Islands, you can always take
the mystery out of whether you might meet someone and
browse (onegoodlove.com/vi) before you even go to connect
with singles in the area.
Purple Roofs, an online search engine for LGBT-owned
A 7-NIGIIT STAY AT
Sand Castle On the Beach
Simone and Sheryl are celebrating their 10th anniversary as
owners of an amazing beachfront haven in Frederiksted, St
Croix. This boutique apartment-hotel is perched right on the edge
of paradise with uninterrupted ocean vistas, point blank sunset
views and a perfect crescent of white sand to stroll along with
your loved one. Choose from 21 air-conditioned guestrooms and
enjoy the many facilities such as gym, poolside bar and lounge,
library, coffee shop, and grills, plus complimentary wireless. The
restaurant serves breakfast, lunch and dinner, and is winner of the
2011 Wine Spectator's Award of Excellence. If you prefer to relax
you can (you may want to build your own sand castle). Or Simone
and Sheryl can arrange tours and watersports. Either way, raise
your glass to a decade in lesbian hospitality. For packages, or to
inquire about your own lesbian wedding, commitment ceremony,
honeymoon or anniversary, go to sandcastleonthebeach.com.
To win a seductive 7-night stay, go to curvemag.com.
and friendly places to stay, is an excellent resource for finding
that perfect pad in the Virgin Islands. You can choose to
stay at one of the lesbian-friendly hotels or rent your own
villa or apartment. Surprisingly, it's sometimes cheaper to
get your own place than to book a hotel room, which then
gives you private access to a full kitchen, living room, patio
or yard and more importantly, the ultimate privacy for you
and your sweetie, or gaggle of gals. And with all of the
commanding mountains in the Virgin Islands, many of the
villas are located at higher altitudes with beautiful vistas.
If you prefer to see the Virgin Islands by private boat,
Paradise Connections is a lesbian-friendly charter yacht
brokerage based in St. Thomas. They offer a variety of sail
and power yachts for different budgets. You can always hop
on a $5 ferry to check out Tortola or one of the British
Virgin Islands for the day if you have your passport handy
and a curiosity to see more stunning beaches and superior
snorkeling.
Whether you prefer the convenience of a hotel or the
exclusivity of a villa; the adventure of snorkeling around a
coral reef or the relaxation of sunbathing in the soft white
sands; the calm of a romantic dinner with your partner or
the excitement of a party night out with your gal pals,
the Virgin Islands present a piece of paradise that should
absolutely be on your vacation radar! ■
January/February
2012
I 71
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Now and Then
Non-fiction works tackle the LGBT experience of past and present. By Rachel Pepper
yoga teacher. And after that, there was
no turning back from her newly rekindled
lust for the opposite sex.
Calling this a bisexual memoir instead
of "confessions of a boy~crazy lesbian"
might have been more accurate, since
Azzoni has had relationships with men
before. Nevertheless, it was the shocking
suddenness of her feelings for men after
10 years of dating women that caught her
off guard. This sent her into a year~long,
man~chasing mania in which she made all
kinds of bad choices, took foolish chances
and scrambled to find her equilibrium-all
the while hoping for some good sex, a little
love and the right kind of partner, regard~
less of gender. In the meantime, she called
her lesbian friends for advice and fought
off a recurring nightmare that revealed her
ambiguity about her "double life;' in which
she is accused of being a traitor to the lesbian
community and forced to lock lips with
Ashton Kutcher.
After more than a few mishaps, which
Azzoni details in a hilarious, frenzied, self~
mocking style, Azzoni meets Theo. The
Obejas, Carol Anshaw, Karen Lee Osborne,
WindyCity Queer:LGBTQDispatchesfrom Sharon Bridgforth, E. Patrick Johnson, and a calm foil for her zany ways, Theo is a chef
the ThirdCoast,editedby KathieBergquist whole host of emerging writers all of whose about to leave for a 6~month stint in Paris.
(University
of Wisconsin
Press):Chicago is combined individual merits and awards As Azzoni tries to sort out the huge shift
often overlooked when coastal queers rave could not fit on this page. The book is she's made in her life, and her strong feel~
about how fabulous their locales are. And
divided loosely by category into six sec~ ings for Theo, she is able to find the humor
yet, the Windy City, the Midwest's largest
tions including "Emergence;' which recalls in her rather odd predicament. Out with
metropolis and home to an enormous
the shaping of Chicago's queer identity; "In a friend at the Cattyshack lesbian bar in
LGBT population, is one of the country's
Transit;' which includes literary rides on Brooklyn, she looks around and says to her
friend, "I miss this ... I miss the feeling of a
most vibrant cities for queer life. Editor
the famous El, and "Hooking Up;' which
Kathie Bergquist knows her city's literary
Bergquist writes, captures the "euphoria of room full of women. I miss the flirtation. I
miss the line dancing night. I miss you. But
LGBT scene better than most, having
new love, the itch of lust and the profound
worked in both its feminist and queer
ache of regret:' All give a flavor of the town's I miss Theo too. You'd really like him. He
makes fun of me like you do:'
bookstores, and she's written prior books
special treats.
about her long term, adopted hometown.
Although Azzoni is cagey about her
Capturing a wide range of voices and experi~ A YearStraight:Confessions
of a Boy-Crazy current sexuality (her publicist states that
ences, Bergquist has assembled a collection
lesbian BeautyQueen,ElenaAzzoni(Seal Azzoni's orientation is "in love"), this is a
that will make her town proud. Windy City Press):Elena Azzoni was more than a card~ book easily enjoyed by straight women,
Queer: LGBTQ Dispatches from the Third carrying New York City lesbian. She was, in bisexual women and lesbians-because
every woman knows the feeling of surviving
Coast, is the first ever literary collection of fact, crowned "Miss Lez 2007" and appeared
Chicago's gay finest and includes poems,
in the "I Heart Brooklyn Girls" calendar. bad dates, feeling lonely, enjoying sex,
performance texts, memoirs and essays Then, giving credence to the idea that sexu~ surviving bad sex, and hoping to meet the
from well known writers such as Achy ality is fluid, she got the hots for her male person you know is "right" for you. ■
721
curve
REMEMBERINGLESBIANPUBLISHINGMOGUL BARBARA GRIER
"homophile"press.In 1956,
underground
whenDelMartinandPhyllisLyonfounded
of Bilitis,theyaddeda newsletter,
Daughters
TheLadder,whichbecamethe first lesbian
magazinein the U.S.andfor whichGrier
wrotebookreviewsandotherarticlesunder
pennames.
TheLadderbeganwith a mailinglist
of 175-friends andloversof the women
workingon it. In 1968,Griertookoveras
lesbianactivist
editorfrom Philadelphia
BarbaraGittings.Shegrewthe publicationto
a mailinglist of 3,800anddoubledits sizeto
of at the time.Shealso
48 pages-unheard
transformedit intoa morelesbian-feminist,
newsmagazine.
politicallyprogressive
ThechangesGrierwroughtin the brownmagazinecausedfriction
paper-wrapped
activistand
BarbaraGrier,lesbianpublisher,
andfinancialbackingwaswithdrawn.But
Fla.
archivist,diedNov.1Oin Tallahassee,
in 1971,in the waningdaysof TheLadder,
from lungcancer,accordingto herpartner
GriermetMcBride,the womanshereferred
DonnaMcBride.Shewas78.
to as "the loveof my life."Theywere
I first metBarbaraGrierwhenI was19.
together40 years,untilGrier'sdeath.Grier
Shehada soft,mellifluousvoice,but her
saidshenevercouldhavebuilt herlesbian
wordspackeda punch.Shewasfondof
literaryempirewithoutMcBride.
saying,"I don't sufferfools gladly."Tothe
In 1973,after TheLadderfolded,Grier,
mindof Grier,there
tough Midwestern-bred
co-foundedNaiadBooks(later,Naiad
werean intolerablenumberof foolsin the
Press).WhenGrierandMcBrideretired
worldandsheoftentookthemon.
in 2003,Naiadwasthe world'slargest
I interviewedheroften,first for my
lesbianpublisherwith a stableof over100
lesbianradioprogram"AmazonCountry"at
authors.It wasstartedwith $2,000by Grier,
andfor a rangeof
in Philadelphia,
WXPN-FM
McBride,MurielCrawfordandCrawford's
includingTheAdvocate,OUT,
publications,
partner,AnydaMarchant,whosenovelThe
Shechoseme
curve andMs.magazine.
becameNaiad'sfirst title.
Latecomer,
for Before
to be her"official"biographer
WhenTheLadderwasshuttered,Grierhad
Activistsfor GayandLesbian
Stonewall:
beenaccusedof stealingits covetedmailing
Rightsin HistoricalContext.
list,of whichtherewereonlytwo typewritten
queer
in
point
pivotal
a
Grierlivedat
copies.Almostnoneof the womenonthe list
history.Shewasdestinedto be a mover
she'dtaken
wereout.Grieracknowledged
At 12
andshakerof historicproportions.
it andthat list becamethe basisfor Naiad's
sheheadedto the locallibraryto lookup
earlybookdistribution,sincebookstores
to her
Shethenannounced
"homosexuals."
mother-whomshetoldmehadbeenreading wereunwillingto carrylesbianbooks.
Grieralwayshada pointof view,always
while
RadclyffeHall'sTheWellof Loneliness
believedshewasrightandwasalways
pregnantwith her-that shewasa homoWithouthervisionanddrive,
passionate.
sexual."BecauseMotherandI werealways
openwith eachother,I told her immediately. lesbianliteraturemightnot bewhatit is
Mothersaid sinceI was a woman,I wasn't today-vibrant, out of the closet,diverseand
Grierwantedbooksfor lesbians
accessible.
a homosexual,I was a lesbian.Shealso
to readandshefoundlesbiansto write
saidI was a little youngto makethis decithem.Shewantedbooksfor 12-year-old
sionandwe shouldwait six monthsto tell
girlsgoingto the libraryto discoverthemthe newspapers."
selves;shewantedbooksfor older,closeted
Grierwaited,but not long.At 18 shewas
womenin the Midwest.Shewantedlesbians
backat the library,this time wooingthe
in printanddid everythingin
represented
librarian,a woman20 yearshersenior,with
her powerto makethat happen.
whomshewouldspendthe next20 years.
Naiadpublishedsomeof the best-known
A decadelater,Grierwaswritingundera
lesbianwritersof the past25 years,like
for whatwasthenthe
seriesof pseudonyms
KatherineForrest,whoseCuriousWineis
of the
the mostground-breaking
considered
"new"lesbianfictionandwasthefirst lesbian
novelto goto audio.Griertooka chanceon
SarahSchulmanandothernewwriters.
andprolificnovelistsAward-winning
BarbaraWilson,LeeLych,IsabelleMiller,
ValerieTaylor,KarinKallmaker-put lesbian
fictiononthe literarymap.ThelatephotographerandartistTeeCorinnecreatedthe
first 30 of Naiad'searlybookcovers.
Grier'slife-longpassionas an archivistof
lesbianwritingled herto reviveout-of-print
lesbianpoetry,memoirsandfictionincluding
pulpnovelsof the 1940s,50sand60sbyAnn
Bannon,JaneRuleandGaleWilhelm.Grier
reprintedthe workof ReneeVivien,Natalie
Barney'sloveranda memberof the 1920s
Parisianlesbianset.Grieralsopublished
GertrudeStein's"LiftingBelly,"whichStein
hadbeenunwillingto publishin her lifetime
dueto its overtlesbiancontent.
In 1985,GrierpublishedLesbianNuns:
BreakingSilence,a compendiaof over50
piecesby currentand
autobiographical
formernuns.Griertold meshepaida half
Kurb
Rosemary
millionto the author/editors,
ex-nuns.Thebook
andNancyManahan,
wasbanned
creatednationalcontroversy,
in BostonandGriercameunderfire for
allowingexcerptsto be printedin Penthouse
Grierwenton newsprograms
magazine.
discussingthe importanceof lesbianwriting.
WhenGrierandMcBrideretiredin 2003,
theysoldNaiadto BellaBooks.Manyformer
Naiadwriterscontinueto publishthere.
the Naiad
In 1992Grierestablished
Collectionat the JamesC.HormelGayand
LesbianCenterof the SanFranciscoPublic
Library.It tooktwo vansto transportthe
andothermemobooks,letters,magazines
rabilia.It is the largestcollectionof lesbian
lettersin the world.
Noteveryonelikedher-she couldbe
gruffandhaddecidedthatfilteringherwords
Sheworked20 hourdays
wasunnecessary.
herentirelife andlovedeverysecondof it.
Shewasa declarativevoicefor lesbiansover
the courseof six decadesandfor thoseof us
whoknewher,shewasa figureto emulatefor heractivism,driveandpassion.
Forrestsaidof Grier'spassing,"It would
be hardto imaginea moresignificantfigure
of lesbian
in the growthanddevelopment
publishingthanBarbaraGrier.Ora moretoweringandcentralfigurein lesbianculture.We
A.Brownworth]
havelosta giant."[Victoria
January/February 2012
I 73
REVIEWSMusic Watch
HarmoniousChutzQah
Brooklyn-based queercore band The Shondes have emerged out of the depths of hardship
with a new album and new Joie de vivre. By Rashida Harmon
There's an old Yiddish proverb that goes,
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him
your plans:' When Brooklyn-based queercore band, The Shondes, first formed in
2006, it's safe to say that a label breakup and
a stolen van were not a part of the agenda.
While those two misfortunes alone might
have caused a band with less moxy to jump
ship, The Shondes endured another harrowing blow when they were forced to
abruptly cancel their European tour following
violinist Elijah Oberman being diagnosed
with cancer.
Neither uncertainty nor disease proved
a match for this tough-as-nails quartet,
who channeled all of this year's discord
74
I curve
into their new album Searchlights.
Considering the context in which it was
could have (justifiably)
written, Searchlights
been heavy on the angst. Instead, the album
is a refreshing display of sentimental pop
songs full of wistful-yet-danceable melodies, which represent the band's conscious
choice to step away from the more experimental songwriting styles they've attempted
in the past.
"I think we wanted to make songs that
were comforting to us and that felt like
songs that would help us survive through
the ambiguity and the scary parts;' says
singer-bassist Louisa Solomon.
Longtime fans of the band need not
panic-Searchlights still manages to stay
true to The Shondes' musical roots, which
borrow equally from the riot grrrl sounds of
the '90s and Jewish klezmer music. Radical
Judaism is central to the group's identity.
They make Rosh Hashanah dinner on the
road-even if the absence of a table means
they have to eat it on the floor-and their
name is derived from the Yiddish word for
"shame:'
While Searchlightsdoesn't deliver any
of the pro-Palestine political anthems the
group has become known for, The Shondes
refuse to abandon their activist slant, even
as their music and lyrics begin to evolve. "I
don't think anyone wants to be branded in
a limited way as a girl band, or as a queer
band, or as a Jewish band, or whatever," says
Solomon. "But certainly to the extent that
our identities and our politics are reflected
in our music and are important to our fans
to see people onstage that reflect their
communities or reflect their beliefs-in
that sense it's not something that we would
shy away from talking about:'
After
taking
some
much~needed
time off to recover and recharge, The
Shondes are currently touring in support
of Searchlights.The group has embraced
their much~anticipated return to the road,
hitting some of their favorite venues
across the country. "Coming back to those
places always sort of feels like visiting
family and seeing friends and family from
around the country that we haven't seen
Neither uncertainty nor
disease proved a match
for this tough-as-nails
quartet, who channeled
all of this year's discord
into their new album
Searchlights.
in a year or so," says Solomon. "It's all very
home~y feeling and comfortable and people
are really warm and inviting. It sort of
makes us cry. We're very touched by it:'
Without the support of their fans, the
Searchlightstour might not have even been
possible. After their tour van was stolen in
March of this year, The Shondes' devoted
fans raised approximately $11,000 in
17 days through the fundraising website
Kickstarter. As a reward to those who
helped out, parts of the new van are labeled
with donors' names.
Driving on those long stretches of
highway, it's not unusual to hear some~
thing like, "Honk the Cheyenne horn" or
"Grab it out of the Gina glove box" -the
comedy of which is not lost on the band
members. "Even though it's hilarious, it
actually is also really heartwarming," says
Solomon. "It means every time we get in
the van, we're reminded of the fact that
our fans pulled through in an amazing
way in the clutch ... and allowed us to keep
doing what we love to do:' (shondes.com)■
HEARWHAT YOU'VE BEENMISSING...
Cheley Tackett smusic is the aching truth.
She'll hum in your bones for days. The songs
dare us to live more deeply, prod us to spit out
the truth, and let life take us to the edge of
what we know. Kelly F, Rochester, NY
Cheley's music is the
best kind of storytelling.
It breaks your heart, but
leaves you wanting more.
Jenny T., Sydney, Australia
Cheley s lyrics touch all aspects of life.
She'll rock you with one song,
then bring you to tears on the next.
Beautiful and captivating!
Therese B., Baton Rouge, LA
Cheley Tackett invades my soul.
She reminds you about where you came from,
where you are, and where you're going.
Jenn T., Indianapolis, IN
When Tackett sings and plays her music,
you 're not just hearing a good song,
you 're invited into a conversation
with the person who wrote it.
Joyce A., Buckholts, TX
Cheley Tackett is a soulful songsmith whose lyrical insights
are perfectly paired with her impressive vocals.
A must for any musical connoisseur. Trisha K., Bluffton, SC
The first time I heard Cheley Tackett I was spell-bound.
I dare any listener to attempt an escape! Her vocals,
lyrics and guitar craft are an intoxicating package.
I've had the "Tackett hangover" ever since,
don't find me a cure! Jae A., London, UK
Cheley s music is spiritual and passionate with lyrics and
an unparalleled intonation that cut right to the core of
a huge range of human emotion. Ruth D., Gulf Shores, AL
Cheley Tackett is lyrically delicious, with
powerhouse pipes to match.
Connie H., Champaign, IL
Everything Cheley Tackett sings and writes
is real and honest. All it takes is one song
to get hooked into her raw emotion and
brilliant lyrics. Gina G., Wilmington, NC
Ahh ..fresh air. Cheley Tackett, a true original.
The REAL deal. Thom B., Scottsdale, AZ
Her sexy voice, heart touching lyrics and
complex melodies belong in a music genre
all her own! Bridget H., Boston, MA
Tackett's music is the quintessential mix of tough and tender,
introspective and lighthearted. Her songs are raw, powerful and
sweet but always just right. Jamie-Sue S., Lansing, MI
Tackett has mastered the rare gift
of blending hauntingly beautiful lyrics
with subtle, layered melodies.
Her songs are timeless and stand out
like a beacon to those of us
who love music.
Laurie H., Dallas, TX
Cheleys music is pure perfection!
Priscilla J, Santee, CA
MUSIC
V\/V\/V\/
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January/February
2012
I 75
REVIEWSFood
A Queer CuQQa
From sourcing to roasting to packaging, these lesbians know their java. By Constance Parten
the fair trade mission. So having
a fair trade coffee shop felt totally
in sync with my values. After several years at my cafe, I wanted to
do new things, so in 2010, I sold
my cafe to go full time as a coffee
roaster and opened up a small
fair trade coffee roastery just
outside of Northampton. The
whole Gay Coffee concept evolved
soon afterwards.
How can our morning brew and afternoon
pick-me-up be inherently lesbian? What
makes one brand of coffee more lesbian
than another? Meet the lesbian entrepreneurs who are helming small businesses
based on just that idea.
Whatwas the inspirationfor GayCoffee?
A Cupof GayCoffeeWithMelissaKrueger
Howdidyoubeginyourcoffeecareer?
I got started in coffee about 10 years ago,
working part time at a local coffee shop
near Smith College, where I was finishing
up a nine-year undergraduate adventure in
cultural anthropology. After I graduated,
I had the opportunity to open a small coffee
shop and after begging everyone I knew for
money, I opened the Elbow Room Cafe
on Green Street in Northampton, Mass.
We were the first 100 percent fair trade,
organic cafe on Smith campus-which
back in '04 was cutting edge. As an anthropology student, I had spent about nine
months living and working in Central
America in my early 20s, which really informed my commitment to the principles of
76
I curve
A discussion with friends about gay marriage, transgender rights and the concept
of LGBT issues reaching a tipping point
in the mainstream culture. We were all
drinking coffee-which I am always doing
since I'm a coffee roaster-and
I said
something like, "Look! Even this coffee is
gay!" which got us all going on it. I started
thinking up what good names for gay coffee would be. I'd read Stone Butch Blues in
college so I was like, Yeah, we could have
Stone Butch Breakfast Blend and call it
untouchably delicious! So it started out
as a bit of fun, and over a period of a few
months, I kept coming back to the idea of
creating Gay Coffee, which evolved into
more discussions around challenging stereotypes, integrating cultural and historical
themes and using humor as a vehicle for
education. By May, when gay marriage
was legalized in New York, I had that a-ha
moment of enthusiasm, and support from
my friends and family that pushed the idea
into action.
Can coffee really be gay? What about it
makesit gay?
I love this question. I like to think up a different reason coffee is gay each time I'm
asked, just for "ha-has:' I think the whole
idea of"Gay Coffee"
operates on several
levels at once. On
one level, the concept 1s to fuse
coffee-the
world's
most conversational
and stimulating beverage-with
humor
and education. Gay
Coffee takes stereotypes that we are all
familiar with, has
fun with them, owns
them and complements the wink and
chuckle with a nod
to LG BT cultural
and civil rights history on each bag. Our
packaging is meant to inspire visually, to
be fun and different, and to create a moment
to learn and converse-over
coffee, of
course! I am always amazed when someone reads the back of our Good Morning
Mary roast and says, "Wow! I didn't know
that!" So in this way Gay Coffee is really
Everybody's Coffee. As an entrepreneur, I
am inspired by and believe in the concept of
socially responsible business practices. My
professional coffee career has been guided
by the values of the fair trade movement,
which is why we are and have always been
a 100 percent fair trade company.
Since Gay Coffee draws its inspiration
from the LGBT community, it made sense
to integrate Gay Coffee with supporting
that community. So our taking off point
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for this is to donate a percentage of our sales to the
Task Force. This is just the beginning. I think there
is great potential for Gay Coffee to support all kinds
of LGBT groups and organizations, from high school
campuses to international efforts. We just did our very
first fundraiser for the Smith College Women's Ice
Hockey team!
Verycleverpackaging.Wheredoesthe inspirationfor
the designcomefrom?
Thank you! It took a village to make Gay Coffee.
The label design was a joint effort between myself
and graphic designer Maria Kogan of Fluent Vision
Design. Maria created our retro look and logo to
complement our historical theme. The roast names and
themes came from my busy brain. My friend Daniel
Rivers, who is an LGBT historian I met at Smith College,
wrote the copy for the back of each label. And good
friends volunteered to pose for Stone Butch Breakfast
Gay Coffee takes stereotypes
that we are all familiar with,
has fun with them, owns them
and complements the wink
and chuckle with a nod to
LGBT cultural and civil rights
history on each bag.
Blend and Red Hanky Roast for pizza and beer. We
shot the pictures in a garage using an RV as the ward~
robe changing room. The whole thing was a total riot.
WhatdoyoulikeaboutNorthampton?
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Northampton is pretty well known for a vibrant lesbian
community-who
could forget that memorable Barbara
Walters special back in the '90s. I think my connection
to the local lesbian and queer community is very fluid
and normative in my day~to~day life, which is one of the
amazing privileges of living in such a tolerant place.
My cafe was a very queer positive space and I have
carried these connections into my new business ven~
tures. I am incredibly lucky to live in a place and time
where there is such a strong and supportive lesbian
and allied community. And a major part of what is so
amazing about this area is the integration of straight,
gay, lesbian, trans, queer, everyone here who has found
common ground as people who know and respect each
other. (gaycoffee.com)■
The Coffee Goddesses
After periods of unemployment, Jane McLaughlin and
Gussie von Wellsheim found themselves working for a
small-batch specialty coffee roaster. Working together
was so satisfying that they decided to strike out on their
own and create Carpe Diem Coffee Roasting Company.
They start with all-Arabica beans acquired from a reputable broker, small batch roast them and package the
beans in foil-laminated, pressure valve bags to guarantee
post-roasting freshness. "We don't take short cuts," says
McLaughlin. "We roast each varietal separately and then
blend. We fill orders as they come in. We don't warehouse
our roasted or bagged coffee."
The company is small-just McLaughlin and von
Wellsheim and one other employee. "Sometimes it's
pretty intense around Carpe Diem while we work to get
our orders fulfilled on time," adds von Wellsheim, who is
very selective about who sells their product. "We don't
sell to big grocery stores because we can't bear to see the
quality suffer by the necessary warehousing inherent in the
grocery store business," she explains. "We want someone
to enjoy the same quality whether they buy a cup in a cafe
in Bar Harbor, Maine or a hotel in Delray, Fla."
With Carpe Diem located in North Berwick, Maine, "not
exactly a lesbian Mecca,"
notes McLaughlin, the town
nevertheless suits them.
"Our community is not
necessarily gay or straight
based. We make no secret
of our being two gay
women. We enjoy a sense
of belonging by the whole
town and every day we are
grateful for everyone's support of Carpe Diem Coffee
Roasting Company."
(carpediemcoffee.com) ■
January/February
2012
I 77
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
Bloodand Honey
AngelinaJolie's powerful directorialdebut. By Jillian Eugenics
The film In The Land of Blood and Honey
has Angelina Jolie's fingerprints all over it,
even though she never appears onscreen.
Written, produced and directed by Jolie,
the story is told in the way I imagine Jolie
would tell stories-she isn't going to hold
your hand, she won't spare the gory details
and she isn't afraid to let you in on the
darker side of things.
The film is set during Bosnia's civil war,
which raged from 1992 to 1995 and follows
Ajla ( Zana Marjanovic), a Bosnian Muslim
and her relationship with Danijel (Goran
Kostic), a Christian Serbian officer. It's an
especially poignant role for Kostic, as his
father, Goran Kostic, was an officer in the
Serb Army during the war.
Before the war, Ajla and Danijel were
lovers. Like much of Bosnia, they enjoyed
nights out with twirls on a dance floor. Then
quickly, suddenly, there was chaos. Jolie has
done an excellent job of highlighting the
humanity of people suddenly caught up in
war-the
confusion, the abrupt violence,
the unraveling of one's reality that follows
witnessing their friends and neighbors
being shot.
78
I curve
Ajla and Danijel find themselves caught
up in the thick of the conflict-on opposing
sides. Ajla's incarceration at a rape camp is
particularly horrifying in a film that does
not shy away from bleakness. That's not
to say there are no moments of lightness,
though they're hard to come by; the film
features an especially gentle love scene that's
all soft skin and bright white sheets, making
for a stark contrast to the desolate gray of
the landscapes and the terrors of war.
In the Land of Bloodand Honey makes for
a strange holiday season release but perhaps
Jolie believes that families should see this
film now, and the stark contrast of holiday
jolliness with mass genocide only helps to
bring her point home. She certainly intends
for this film to be seen by a wide audience,
as it was shot in both English and a local
Bosnian,Croatian,Serbian
language. The
cast is all local actors, many of whom were
children during the conflict.
For those not familiar with the Bosnian
War, do yourself a favor and brush up on
your history before heading to the theater
as the film hits the ground running and
it's up to you to keep up. There is help
along the way-mostly
in the form of
dialogue, which is occasionally bogged
down with back,story about the conflictbut having a good base of knowledge to
work from will allow you to immerse your,
self in the film more fully.
It was not by accident that Jolie selected
The Bosnian War, which was the most
devastating conflict in Europe since the
end of World War II, as the setting of her
directorial debut-she is going for maximum
impact. Jolie said, "The film is specific to the
Bosnian War, but it's also universal. I wanted
to tell a story of how human relationships
and behavior are deeply affected by living
inside a war:' As Ajla says to Danijel in the
middle of it all,"Serbs, Croatians, Muslims ...
I was raised to know no difference between
them:' Jolie didn't just make a movie with a
harrowing story. She set out to make a very
overt and timely point. But would we really
expect anything less? ■
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January/February
2012
I 79
STARS
Fresh Starts New romance and opportunities await in the new year.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Aries(March21-April 20)
You have a secret admirer who not only captures your
heart but squeezes it. Ooh! Of course if this mystery
woman happens to be a co~worker, expect a lot of
drama in the workplace. Try to move all amorous
antics into the after~hours to maximize your after~
glow. Save the office shenanigans for your eventual
corporate coup d'etat.
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Good karma does not grow on trees but you will
benefit from planting the seeds of charity in all your
personal efforts now. Volunteer and expand your out~
reach, Libra. It will even have health benefits such as
reduced stress. Of course you can always combine
business with pleasure by giving generously to a bevy
of needy ladies.
Taurus(April21-May 21)
Sapphic Bulls are on the top of everyone's "to do" list
and that is how you like it. But you may find that you
have far too many parties and far too many admirers
to handle with only two hands. Life could become a
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan. 20)
feeding frenzy. Oh let's hope so! You can always diet
Capricornsare earthsigns,
in the spring.
which meansthey havea deep
capacityfor love,affectionand
Gemini(May22-June 21)
downrightdirty sex if they are
stoked,pokedandstroked Geminis are faced with the age~old dilemma of a
properly.Keepthis delicious balance in life. How much time do you need to devote
little secretin mind if you to building your career when it could come at the
set your sights on seducing expense of domestic bliss? That is a good question and
a Capgal. Beingearthsigns, one that can't be answered until the scales have tipped
they are also possessive,so and emotions run high. You will then know what you
if you are oneof thoseflighty have to do with who, when, where, how and why.
undisciplinedGeminisor
indiscriminateSagittarians, Cancer(June22-July 23)
rein it in or forgetaboutit,sister. Even just a small thought can have worldwide rever~
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
There is something endearing about being scrappy,
pugnacious and pushy-to a point. Sapphic Scorpios
have a need to boss the course, which can take them
far in life this winter. However the main lesson to be
learned is to know when to push and when to pull.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Aqueeriansstare soulfullyinto
your eyesand ask you the
most personaland impertinent
questionsaboutyour private
desires,dreamsand hopes.
After a night of unbridled
passion,there comesthe
dawnof crystal clear clarity.
It wasn't you,personally,that
she was interestedin; it was
the conceptof you. Nowwhat
was your nameagain?
berations. So allow your ideas room to roam. Who
knows where they will rock and rollr Crabs with an
itch to travel can find the ways and means to do so.
Don't be a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the
floors of silent seas. Go out loud and proud and in
first class accommodations!
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
Lusty liaisons have a surprising price tag attached so
watch how you spend your time. If you are in a current
loving relationship, the urge to splurge on seductive
niceties can break your budget. Find affordable ways
to spread and massage the oil of love.
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
Is it you, we or me:' That is a good question, and one
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is
theauthorofHerscopes: that you may have trouble answering now. Achieving
the perfect harmony between lovergrrl's needs and your
A Guideto Astrology
wants
may prove to be elusive this winter. For those
for Lesbians
(Simon&
Virgos who feel betwixt and between, maybe it is best
Schuster)
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes).
Nowavailableasan ebook.
to avoid any hot and heavy discussions at this time.
so I curve
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.22)
Relatives want to divert your Pride parade and direct
you off course. Sometimes you think that going with
their flow is easier than trying to paddle upstream.
But this winter may demonstrate that you need to
take matters into your own hands and carve out your
own slice of happiness. No compromises, Sagittarius.
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan. 20)
Don't be surprised if you sizzle via Skype with some
romanticized vision of loveliness at the far end of the
world. Proper Capricorns become hot international
mamas with a need to reach out and touch someone.
You have your choice of opportunities but try to be
discerning.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb. 19)
Love, lust, jealousy and passion all mix together to
form the perfect recipe for your many sexcapades this
winter. Zesty Aqueerians are ready for action and find
themselves stirring the mixing bowl. It is all great fun
but be sure that you have the ''dough" to fund all these
expensive, exotic pleasures. Love costs more than you
expect. Is it worth it? Don't answer that.
Pisces(Feb.20-March 20)
You are the one to know. Partnership opportunities
are there if you are interested. Guppies who want
to swim in the social pool can expand their base of
contacts and float their best ideas into the ecosystem.
Plant the seeds of future success with some new
acquaintances. You will get to know them very well
over the next few months. ■
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The Dinah,an epic five-day world-renown
weekend: the crazy wild PoolParties,the
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ABSOLUT
OUTRAGEOUS
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CELEBRATING30 YEARSOF GOING OUT AND COMING OUT
See all items with this value
-
DOIT
YOURSELF
VALENTINE'S
DAYGIFTS
SURE TO
MAKE HER
MELT
WE
~
~-----~
HE
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CHAR
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ON
CURVE
PERSONALS
TODAY!
Features JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2012
44
Glorious Glenn Close
The award-winning Albert Nobbs star on
powerful women and playing gay again.
By Kathleen Wilkinson
30
The Return of The Indigo Girls
The iconic folk duo are back with a brilliant
new album. By Dave Steinfeld
38
Sapphic Spring Fashion
The Real L Word's fashionista Claire Moseley
keeps us on-trend for Spring.
Sex& Romance
We're heating things up with our
annual look at lesbian love and
life between the sheets.
50
Can an Open Relationship
Work For You?
Demystifying polyamory for lesbians.
By Yana Tall/on-Hicks
53
Love and Marriage
What does tying the knot mean for
your sex life? By Allison Steinberg
56
Sexy Entrepreneurs
Meet two women changing the face
of the sex toy industry. By Merryn Johns
& Yana Tallon-Hicks
58
A Lesbian Wedding
in Central Park
Celesbian turned celebrant Traci Dinwiddie
officiates lesbian nuptials in New York.
page74
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Actually, between the warm water, endless
sunshine and incredible variety of things to
eat, drink and do, it's quite easy for
everyone to go a little overboard
in Key West.
fla-keys.com/gaykeywest
1.888.279.3632
Departments JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2012
IN EVERY ISSUE
6
7
8
10
17
19
20
22
80
Letters
24
Do you feel that your spiritual side gets
short shrift just because you're gay? Start
the new year with the right balance between
faith and feist.
Contributors
Editor's Letter
This Is What a Lesbian Looks Like
Out in Front
25
Scene
Lesbofile
Relationship Advice
0
The Two of Us
f£_
Our monthly profile of lesbian couples
who live, love and work together.
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26
Lipstick & Dipstick
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What it really means to marry.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Stars
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11
Curvatures
Sexy corsets and lingerie for women
with curves, plus DIY Valentine's Day
ideas to warm her to you.
18
Laugh Track
The always-hilarious lesbian
comic and divorcee Suzanne
Westenhoefer serves up a healthy
dose of Sapphic cynicism.
72
■
Books: Our tribute to a lesbian publishing
legend.
74
76
78
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0
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Food: Lesbian coffee to queer your cuppa.
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Curve's Valentine's Day
Gift Guide: The Super
Sexy Edition
Love it or hate it, Valentine's Day is
coming and if you ask us, it's the perfect excuse to grab your sweetie and
get your freak on. To help you in that
endeavor the Curvettes have cooked
up a very special gift guide featuring
extra-sexy items sure to heat things
up this holiday. Check out our NSFW
picks at curvemag.com.
Five Great Lesbian Films
to Watch Now on Netflix
Streaming
Who among us doesn't love a little
instant gratification? Well, we're going
to give it to you in the form of five
must-stream movies you can watch
instantly via Netflix. Do you fancy
British accents, like to get your kink on
or find cougars sexy? If so, you'll love
these lestastic films.
Behind the Scenes of
"A Lesbian Wedding
in Central Park"
Want more Traci Dinwiddie officiating
Julie and Jenn's wedding (page 50)?
Good news, we've got all the behind
the scenes goodies you're craving on
curvemag.com.
Win a Seven-Night
Stay in St. Croix
The lovely lezzie ladies of Sand Castle
on the Beach are celebrating their 10th
anniversary as owners of an amazing
beachfront haven in Frederiksted, St.
Croix and now is your chance to join
them for the vacation of a lifetime.
Visit curvemag.com to find out
Traci Dinwiddie
how to enter to win a seven night
does the honors
stay in this boutique hotel on the
edge of paradise.
-3'
A Lesbian Look at Occupy
Philadelphia
As the Occupy movement swept
across the United States demanding
economic equality and an end to
corporate personhood, curve columnist
Victoria A. Brownworth was front and
center at the protest in her home city:
Philadelphia. To see more of what she
witnessed visit curvemag.com and
check out the slideshow.
Good Reads
Read our interview with
up-and-coming fantasy writer
Sarah Toshiko Hasu, author
of the fresh new young adult
book Megume and the Trees
at curvemag.com.
January/February 2012
I5
LETTERS
Hot Topic: Bi Girls?
From Curve's
Facebook Wall
Is anyone else interested in an article on bi
girls? I would love you to get an interview
with Evan Rachel Wood or [Anna Paquin]
from True Blood. There is a lot of ignorance
about bisexuality even though most lesbians I
know have had some sexual history with men
or may in the future. Why can't we talk about
it? -Lucy D., N.Y.C.
Love[JaneLynch]!!!!!!-Tina Trotter
LoveLoveLovethenewissue!!
•
-MackenzieGraceMoynihan
JustgotourfirstissueofCurve
magazine.
Weknow,we know
...what
tookussolong??
Right??
Weloveit!!
¥-Stephanie TerriJacksonSonon
htfllALUt
~
Editor'sNote:We would be happy to do such an
article. We're waiting to hear backfrom representatives of Ms. Wood and Ms. Paquin.
Palestine's
Secret
Lesbian
World
CurveMagazine
posted
a greatpicture
of ChazBonodoinganimpression
of
Brando
shaving.
Theamount
of HATE
andjudgement
thelesbian
women
areleaving
incomments
absolutely
DISGUSTS
me.Howdareanyone
who
hasspenttheirlivesbeingjudgedfor
whotheyareEVER
judgesomeone
else
onandfortheirgenderidentity.
-Blair Hansen
Kindle Connection
Lesbian Lynch-pin
I have been appreciating the changes at curve.
The magazine is much easier to read and
more attractive these days. I love the balance
of articles, of both celebrities and lower profile
women. I think you cover women from all
walks of life, races and ages. As an older lesbian
I was especially happy to see Jane Lynch on
the cover. I always wondered why she wasn't
on the cover before, but better late than never,
especially since she has such a powerful message now, perfect for my Christmas coffee
table. She is a symbol of how far we've truly
come. -Annalise Farmer, London, Ontario
Living in New Zealand, it's hard to feel part of
a global lesbian community and I just wanted
to thank you for making curve available in
the Asia Pacific region for Kindle subscribers.
A paper-based international subscription is
just too expensive to justify so I was thrilled
when I discovered that your magazine is
available to my Kindle. After reading just
one issue, I feel reconnected with the lesbian
global community.
-Jenna Heller, Christchurch,New Zealand
Myfavoritemagazine
to getin mymail
box!Thanks!
:) -Hannah CrazyHawk
Kirsten
Vangsness
onthecover?!
You
justguaranteed
mebuying
thisissue
evenif I thought
thepageswereblank
inside.
Yeah,Garcia!!!
:D
-Marie-Eve Girard
State of the Union
In the article "Is Lesbian Culture Obsolete" on
curvemag.com, blogger Stephanie Schroeder
posed the question: if by becoming more mainstream and traditional are lesbians losing their
own unique activist culture?Here is a sample of
your spirited responses.
I FREAKING
LOVE
THISISSUE!!!
I adore
Kirsten
Vangsness!!!
I neverknewshe
wasgay,butohI hopedforit!Thisislike
earlyYuleforme,thankyou!!
-Rakuen Tachibana
Part of why it was so difficult for me to
come out as a lesbian for so long is because
I couldn't see lesbians like myself reflected in
"lesbian culture": femme, with children, and
in fact, longing to be a mother. -Anonymous
Poll
Where is the best place
to meet women?
38%
26%
20%
Mycouch,trawlingCraigslist
16%
Curvepersonals,
of course
I curve
Interesting opinion. However, I'll take my
house full of children and my gorgeous wife
over political activism and rebellion any day.
That's the beauty of the U.S. To each her
own! -Chaosprincess
Mylocalgaybar
Dykesandvegancafes,
it's theperfectmatch
According
to a curvemag.com
poll
6
I agree with the main point of the article
that the fact that some things have changed
shouldn't lull us into believing that everything
is all better and all changes are going to benefit
us. We need to be vigilant to make sure we
don't go backward. -Annabanana
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CONTRIBUTORS
KathleenWilkinsonlives with her spouse
Sharon and 5-year-old son Dylan in San
Francisco, writing on accomplished women
and fighting for social justice. She would
like to see a shift in lesbian visibility and an
end to police brutality and the achievement gap for children of color. A love of
Shakespeare landed her in UC Berkeley's
Master's program in English literature,
followed by work as an editor for San
Francisco Frontiers Newsmagazine and five
years writing critics picks for the gay Arts
& Entertainment section of sfgate.com.
Her articles have appeared in Utne Reader,
The Advocate, The Lesbian News and the
SF Bay Area filmmaker pub, Release Print.
Her interviews with accomplished women
include Dorothy Allison, Rose Troche,
Lisa Cholodenko, Martina Navratilova,
and Glenn Close on page 44.
BarbaraCorellahas been a professional
photographer for 20 years, but her love
of the art goes back much further. "I was
given my first camera at the age of 8;' she
says, "and I was hooked!" After earning her
photography degree from the Art Institute
of Fort Lauderdale in 1987, Corella started
shooting fashion and portraiture, then
moved onto still life and advertising. When
a friend asked her to photograph her
wedding, a new career began-one
that
incorporated all of the skills she'd learned
from other fields. "I love the excitement of
weddings;' Corella says. "My favorite part
is watching the day evolve and capturing
the moments that tell a story:' Her lesbian
wedding pictorial in Central Park is on
page 50. (bcorella.com)
AnnieEdmonds
has been a full time "memory
maker" for the past 11 years. Working in
Seattle, New York and Los Angeles she has
had the ability to hone her craft by studying
under the ever-watchful eye of some of the
nation's top photographers. Since graduating
from Brooks Institute of Photography in
2001, Annie shoots for editorials, fashion
companies, modeling agencies and travel
magazines. Passionate about work, travel
and family, this busy little bee currently
resides in Los Angeles. Her sexy fashion
spread featuring faux fur is on page 34.
(annieedmonds.com)
Following high school ClaireMoseleyfled
the Midwest to attend the School of Visual
Arts in New York City. After earning
her BFA in photography, and working at
fashion magazines and clothing brands,
Claire made another move to the opposite
coast. Newly settled in Los Angeles, she
recently appeared in season two of the hit
series The Real L Word and is now working
at Siren Studios, where she strives to find
her own unique take on fashion, strongly
associated with the styles and lifestyles of
her lesbian peers. Check out her musthaves for spring on page 38 and for more
of her inspired looks visit Anlnitial.com.
Editorial assistant EmelinaMinerois a 24year old California girl who laughs in the
face of danger and reads busy editors'
minds-that's
what makes her such a
great Curvette. When she isn't tracking
down facts, interviewing celesbians or
catching Buffy reruns she's working hard
to make people feel awesome with the two
online communities she helped create:
Community Bucket List, which enables
people to actively pursue their goals and
dreams by submitting action-oriented bucket
lists. She also co-created the Love Warrior
Community with her therapist mother,
which uses creative expression to help people
work on body love and self-acceptance.
Minero is passionate about people, equal
rights, travel and talking to you on Twitter
@CommKr8ve Writer. ■
January/February 2012
I7
EDITOR'S
NOTE
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
ON
THENIGHTthat gay marriage legislation passed
in New York State, my girlfriend of six years proposed to me.
I did not accept.
After living for years as persona non grata in the eyes of a
country that promises to champion the rights of its citizens,
but doesn't really-I was pissed. Yes, gay marriage passed
in New York, but, for example, because we're a bi~national
couple-she's
from Texas, I'm Australian-marrying
my
girlfriend does not unite us by giving
me residency status. If she (or I) were
a guy, it would. As is stands, I could
have a wedding but still live, uncer~
tainly and expensively, visa to visa.
What kind of second~rate status
does it confer on us if it doesn't have
the same benefits as opposite~gender
marriage:' Why can't I hold out for
the real thing:' I thought this country
had moved beyond the concept of
separate drinking fountains.
Even if marriage is a tired old
romantic idea, like a ride in one of
the horse~drawn carriages that roll
around Central Park-once you're in,
kind of uncomfortable, not politically
correct; and when you get off, expen~
sive-it should be available for all or
for none. A major reason is financial
security: A lesbian over 65 is twice as
likely to be poor as a married hetero~
sexual woman of the same age.
Being a lesbian is an enviable identity between the sheetsjust ask the porn industry. But in the streets it's another mat~
ter. Historically, the arc of our identities has swung between
promiscuous twisted sisters and U ~ Hauling serial monoga~
mists. It's even possible that as we watched the decay of the
marriage paradigm, lesbian stereotypes had a rebellious appeal
to us-after all, what lesbian isn't thoroughly disgusted by the
hollow, conventional gold~digging of Kim Kardashian:'
But after a lifetime of being discriminated against, I'd like
to have the same rights as the rest of my gender. This is our
Sex & Romance issue. I say, we have the sex down pat. Let's
take a closer look at why the automatic rights associated with
romance are equally important.
Love and
Marriage
41/4.
Merry~
Edito:-~/~:
merryn@curvemag.com
s I curve
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
LESBIAN
2012
MAGAZINE
I VOLUME 22 NUMBER 1
Publisher Silke Bader
Founding Publisher Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief Merryn Johns
Managing Editor Rachel Shatto
Associate Editor Jillian Eugenios
Book Review Editor Rachel Pepper
Contributing Editors Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Sheryl Kay, Stephanie Schroeder, Constance Parten
Copy Editor Katherine Wright
Editorial Assistants Rashida Harmon, Emelina Minero,
Rosanna Rios Spicer
OPERATIONS
Director of Operations Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
National Sales
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, info@rivendellmedia.com
East Coast Sales
Kristin R. Thomas (704) 837-0171, kristin@curvemag.com
Robin Perron (910) 795-0907, robin@curvemag.com
Midwest Sales
Deidre Saddoris (303) 242-5479, deidre@curvemag.com
West Coast Sales
Chloe Safavid (415) 992-7738, chloe@curvemag.com
Business Development
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
Art Director Stefanie Liang
Production Artist Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING
WRITERS
Kathy Beige, Stacy Bias, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo,
Lauren Marie Fleming, Lisa Gunther, Melany Joy Beck, Gillian
Kendall, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Ariel Messman-Rucker, Constance Parten, Laurie K. Schenden,
Stephanie Schroeder, Lori Selke, Janelle Sorenson, Dave Steinfeld,
Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING
ILLUSTRATORS
& PHOTOGRAPHERS
Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes,
Syd London, Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Constance Parten,
Leslie Van Stelten, Katherine Streeter, Kina Williams
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
Phone (415) 871-0569 Fax (510) 380-7487
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Subscription Inquiries (800) 705-0070 (toll-tree in us only)
(818) 286-31 02 (outside US)
Digital Edition Subscriptions zinio.com/digital.curvemag
Advertising Email advertising@curvemag.com
Editorial Email editor@curvemag.com
Letters to the Editor Email letters@curvemag.com
Volume 22 Issue 1 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published monthly (except for bimonthly
January/February and July/August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY
10034. Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $89.95
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355).
Contents of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part,
without written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or photograph of any
persons or organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an
indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated. Curve
welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response.
Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be
returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included. No responsibility is assumed
for loss or damages. The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions of the editor,
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Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster:Send Canadianaddresschangesto crvcs@
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crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,CA 91615-7138. Printedin the U.S.
curvemag.com
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I
NY
Kellyand Bethany fell in love.
First with each other, then with Buffalo.
Check out their wedding video and photos at
VisitBuffaloNiagara.com/KellyAndBethany
VISIT
•
•
+
+
+
+-
+
-+---,--
While chocolates, flowers, jewelry and drama are ljhe standards for a lezzie Valentine's Day, we have an alternate suggestion o
sufport,
shake ~P thle standard sacch~rine holiday tradition: Go DIY. Not only wiH this ke~p ~r holiday season ocketbook off ..!i.ff
but by makling her somethin s ecial with your own hands you ca12,._put
a ersonal and intimate spin on youtromantic offering:_
1
This year, ditch the old stank bys and give these romantic and easy crafts a go.
--
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+
+
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~
-+
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+-I
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Workof Art
Put your love (making) on display-literally-with
the Love is Art Kit.
Created by multi-media artist Jeremy Brown, each kit contains a plastic sheet
to protect surfaces, a canvas big enough to play on, specially formulated paint
and even two pairs of disposable slippers and a body scrubber. Simply get
down and get dirty, then leave behind a one-of-a-kind abstract painting that
represents that special moment, which can then be stretched, framed and
hung on the wall. ($60, loveisartkit.com) [JillianEugenics]
ForeverFleurs
Flowers are beautiful and romantic,
but before you know it you're tossing
out sad wilted roses. So this year,
why not create a beautiful wilt-free
bouquet of handmade paper flowers
that will remind your ladylove that
she's special all year long? The best
part is they are incredibly easy to
make, and by mixing materials,
colors and sizes you can create a
unique and modern design. For an
added touch, personalize the paper
before cutting it with a poem or
love note. [RachelShatto]
Instructions
0 Cutthe paperinto8" and6"
irregularcircles
@ Cuttheminto irregularspirals
androll eachof themup
e Gluethe baseto secure
themintoflowers
0 Attacha 6" wire stem
0 Cutouta leaffor eachflower,
foldingandgluingthemat the
bottomto createa 30 effect
beforeusingthemto coverthe
wire onthe baseof the flower
0 Arrangethemto yourliking
Whatyou'llneed
Construction
and
scrapbooking
paper
(we'veuseda variety
of colorsandpatterns)
Scissors
Hotgluegun
Floristwire and
wire cutters
Vase
+
+
BlingyBangle
When it comes to V-Day presents the
piece de resistanceis the gift of bling. For
the casual gal or for those not looking
to break the bank on diamonds and
pearls, a leztastic personalized glitter
cuff is the perfect way to blow her away
with a bauble, bearing your own special
touch. Where the customizing comes
in is with the text you imprint on the
cuff. In our case we've selected a quote
from Sappho but you can instead write
a poem, quote a lyric or any phrase or
words that are uniquely special to the
two of you. [RachelShatto]
Whatyou'llneed
Leathercuff ($4,
dharmatrading.com)
Citrasolvconcentrate
(citrasolv.com)
Transferprinted
on plainpaper
KrylonGlitter
Blastspraypaint
($9,krylon.com)
Instructions
0 Tocreateyourtransfer,selectyourtext
andreverseit so it readslikea mirrorimage.
It mustbe printedon a laserprinter;inkjet
printerswon'twork
@ Placethetransferonthe leathercuff
with ink-sidefacingthe cuff
e Dabthe backof thetransferwith Citrasolvuntilthe paper
becomestranslucent
0 Presshardalongthe back
of the transfer(witha spoonor
othersmoothtool)
0 Oncethe cuff hasdried,
sprayit with KrylonGlitter
Blastspraypaint
January/February
2012
J
11
----t-
BlackDahliaVelvetSteel
BonedCorset$150
Lushandseductive,
the
BlackDahliacorset's
velvettexturewill encourage
herto touchyou.
Genevieve
LaceOverlay
SteelBonedCorset$150
Dramaticblacklacelaidover
sleekmerlotsatinis suggestive
of a nightat TheMoulinRouge.
Loseyourinhibitions.
RuffleDemiBra$45 and
SatinBoyshort
$13
Lookandfeelravishingin
thisexquisite
VivaLesCurves
moldeddemicupbrawith
ruffletrim.Tofullycaressand
complement
yourcurves,pair
it withthesultrystretchSatin
Boyshort.
Cuteandcomfy.
RawEdgeStriped
ThighHighs$13
Takeyourfantasyensemble
to newheightswith Hipsand
Curves'sensualstripedthigh
highs.Shewon't beableto
takehereyesor handsoff
them.Alsoavailablein sassy
redandblackstripe.
January/February
2012
I 13
CURVATURES
the rundown
Lesbian couple RachelandCharlotte
Lambert-Jolley
were turned away from their
local FloridaOMVwhen they attempted to get new drivers licenses showing their
new hyphenated last name. The couple brought their marriage license from
Connecticut
and updated social security cards. The OMV responded that the
couple needed a court order, and was quoted as saying, "The law is very clear. It
doesn't recognize any document related to same~sex marriage, because it is not
recognized under the Florida Constitution:: .. PatrickHenryHighSchoolin San
Diegois receiving hate mail after the student body elected Rebecca
Arellanoand
HaileighAdams,a lesbian couple, homecoming king and queen. The school has
described some messages as "disturbing" and BillKowbathe San Diego school
superintendent said the adults leaving these messages are
presenting a "negative role model for children with their hateful
CathleenGalgianiof the 17th
comments:· ... Assemblywoman
has come out publicly as a lesbian. Galgiani
district in California
described her decision to come out now as being motivated by
her wish to send a positive message to young people struggling
with their sexual identity. Galgiani came out in adulthood
and after she had already begun her political career ... Christel
Conklinand AimeeWhitchurch,
a lesbian couple in Parker,Colo.,
found "Kill the Gays" and a target spray painted onto the
doors of their condominium, and a noose left on their doorstep. The couple
believes the violence stems from an issue with the Homeowners Association
and allegations that they don't pick up after their dogs, which the couple denies.
CountySheriff's Office ... Kristen
The case is currently open with the Douglas
Cooper,
a student at the University
of TexasSanAntoniowas kidnapped by two
men outside of a Halloween party. The men repeatedly punched her and called
her anti~gay slurs before dumping her on the side of the road. Local police are
investigating but no arrests have been made and they will not confirm if they
Lowrey]
consider the assault a hate crime. [Sassafras
Boasting the best in restaurants, luxury shopping, decadent pools and pulsing
nightlife, Las Vegas has earned its status as a major travel spot for the LGBT
community. Come experience the nonstop fun for yourself. Already faced your fierce?
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HONORARY
LIFETIME
LESBIAN
MEMBERSHIP
OUTINFRONT
International
Advocates
In the fight for LGBT rights, the battlefield
is worldwide. By Sheryl Kay
On All Fronts
JasminBlessing
considers the entire planet her home, and this global
perspective has empowered her to work on three continents to
improve the lives of LGBT-indentified people.
Born and raised in Hamburg, Germany, the 30-year-old has
been an international human rights activist for a decade and has
lived where the work has taken her: in Europe, North and South
America and the Caribbean. ''Attending international LGBT
conferences and meeting people of different sexual identities and
genders from all over the world has taught me that so many people
everywhere suffer from discrimination-and
that we need to keep
up the fight;' says Blessing.
Working for Grupo Gay da Bahia-the oldest LGBT organization
in Brazil-proved a rude awakening for Blessing, who recalls how it
exposed her to the widespread human rights violations that people
in Brazil suffered just because of their sexual orientation or gender
identity, even in a supposedly tolerant country.
Rather than be discouraged, Blessing moved on to a larger organization for her next project. The International Resource Network
(IRN), based at the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies at the City
University of New York, which seeks to bring people of different
sexualities and genders together, linking academic research with
activism to help LGBT communities all around the world to challenge oppression and claim their human rights. It was there
that Blessing, as coordinator of IRN Latin America, organized
workshops for young lesbian women in Salvador, Brazil. "These
workshops were really important to the women;' she says. "They
often lacked support from their families and the IRN provided the
only space for these lesbians to talk about their sexual identities:'
Continuing her global mission, Blessing is now in Amsterdam,
where she is fundraising for Health Action International Europe.
And she continues to encourage other people to get involved in the
fight for LGBT tolerance and civil rights."Working for the IRN has
taught me that homophobia is strong across the world and that gayand lesbian-bashing is all around us;' she says. "I believe that young
lesbians have the power to challenge the existing situation and can
be the catalysts for social change:'
Union Jill
During the mid-'90s, former British attorney turned LGBT activist
Louise
Ashworth
gained tremendous experience working in Blackpool
for a local government agency that provides housing and other
homeless services for lesbians and gay men. She helped create the
policy and educational materials, and then performed outreach into
the community, working with the
local police to combat homophobic
harassment.
''And this was before there was
any protection from discrimination
on the grounds of sexual orientation, or even an equal age of consent
in the U.K.;' recalls Ashworth.
She's also been very active in
working on behalf of the disabled community, noting that LGBT
disabled people can face dual discrimination and isolation, cannot
always access the gay scene, and have high levels of unemployment
and poverty.
Today, Ashworth, who is 46, is a member of UNISON's
National LGBT Committee (UNISON is a trade union representing over 1.4 million public service workers in the U.K.). She
is quick to note how important it is for lesbians to be involved in
their trade unions-at UNISON, LGBT workers' rights are core
issues and they have all the protection and support that is available
in the workplace.
Ashworth is the International Officer for LGBT Labour (as
in the Labour political party), where she is helping to organize World Pride, a huge event that will be held in London in
2012, just ahead of the Olympic Games. And she is a member
of the Executive Board, and is the current Co-Secretary for the
European Region, of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual,
Trans and lntersex Association.
In the fight for civil rights for lesbians, certain victories have
been won in a number of countries, observes Ashworth, but there
is still a long way to go in the struggle against state-sponsored
homophobia. ■
January/February 2012
I 17
LAUGH
TRACK
The Gay Divorcee
Suzanne Westenhoefer mines the upside of anger for comic relief. By Jillian Eugenics
"Hey sexy, sorry I didn't get to spend last night in your arms:' That
was the text comic Suzanne Westenhoefer found on her wife's
phone-and
Westenhoefer wasn't the one who sent it. From that
text came a confrontation and a year of couples counseling, during
which her wife of seven years continued to cheat behind her back
before getting caught (again). A divorce soon followed.
Westenhoefer, one of our most beloved comics, says the experience was 'Just too good to keep out of a comedy act. Everybody
knows that trauma and tragedy make for the funniest stuff:' Fresh
off her Semi-Sweet tour and looking into the future, Westenhoefer
shares her thoughts on breakups, love and just what to do with all
those sex toys after the relationship ends.
You'vebeena divorcee
forovera yearnow.Congratulations!
Whatare
thereasons
to stayawayfrommarriage?
Uh, money! It costs so much money to get married and it costs so
much to get divorced. And apparently homosexuals get divorced as
much as heterosexuals, which really makes me sad because I was
hoping we were going to be better than they were, because we
normally are.
Whatisthefirstthinga girlshoulddopost-divorce?
Get everything that belonged to your ex out of the house. You
give it away or you throw it away or you burn it ... but for like
a year afterwards you'll find that you forgot stuff and there are
these little pain bombs all around the house. And what do you do
with the sex toysr
Is it wrongto usethemwithsomeone
else?
OK, if you were the person who mainly used them on someone else they should be taken out of the house and sterilized
and used on your next partner, or they should be thrown
away. You should be the responsible one if you were the big
top. But a lot of women share back and forth. I'll be honest
with you, it's the only thing I haven't given away or thrown
away yet. I have no idea what to do because you're talking five
or six items in a box but you're talking $1200 worth of stuff.
Vetanotherdivorceexpense.
Yup. And you really can't sell them on eBay. And some
people are like, I don't want to sleep in the same bed, or
same sheets, or use the same towels from the relationship.
I'm telling you-this can get very expensive. You do things
if your partner has cheated on you .. .like, I gotta get rid of
that bed, I gotta get rid of that couch because what if they
had sex on that couchr But what am I going to do-tear up
the island in my kitchen in case they leaned against itr For
the first six months that's how it was and then I was like,
this is bullshit! I grew up really poor I am not doing any
more replacement.
Remodeling
seemsexcessive.
It's all excessive. My friend says that you have to take back
everything. For example, I was going to get rid of this one
bed in the guest room because I didn't know what had
happened on it. But my friend said, Nope, you got to get
a new girlfriend and you got to have crazy wild sex on that
bed. Take that back!
Wheredoyoustandwithlovenow?
I believe that it doesn't always work, sometimes you pick the
wrong person for the wrong reasons, or you get dazzled and
instead of falling in love you fall in lust. But I believe in love.
I have a good friend and she says there's a lid for every pot. I
believe that too. (suzannew.com) ■
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The Queer Picket Line From New York's marriageequality,
to LGBT Occupiers in Philadelphia,the march is on.
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Hosted by The New York Times Company's GLBT
& Allies Network, "Same~Sex Marriage: The Road
to Passage" on Oct. 18, 2011 offered a packed~
in~attendance panel discussion on how Governor
Andrew Cuomo prepared New York for a landmark
law. Cuomo was joined by Speaker Christine Quinn
and Senator James Alesi (R), one of four senators
who changed their votes to allow passage of the law.
Meanwhile, Occupy Wall Street (OWS), which
started in New York City in September 2011 and
was the first many Americans had heard of the global
Occupy movement against economic inequality, has
spread to hundreds of locations around the country.
Inspired in part by the Arab Spring, the Occupy
movement has annoyed some, enlightened others,
and embodies a revival of the idea that democracy is
separate to capitalism. Occupy has appealed to LGBT
activists who see it as aligned to the LGBT civil rights
movement and warns of the dangers of mainstreaming
queer identity. Pride flags flew at Occupy Toronto,
and Occupy San Francisco protesters questioned the
queer "1%;' an affiuent minority which reaffirms the
straight status quo. Tommi Avicolli Mecca, founder
of Queers For Economic Equality Now, told The
Bay Area Reporter: "The queer perspective is all
about questioning the status quo:• To read Victoria
A. Brownworth's account of Occupy Philly go to
curvemag.com. [MerrynJohns]■
I
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2012
I 19
LESBOFILE
A Positive Spin
Ring in the new year with Sara's rockin' romance,
Wanda on the mend and Rosie outing her lady love. By Jocelyn Voo
FashionForward
For the past decade, one of fashion's most
influential tastemakers has been ].Crew pres~
ident and creative director JennaLyons,
whose
clientele ranges from the everyday woman to
Michelle Obama. But hold on to your argyle
socks and sensible cardigans because we can
add a new Sapphic fashonista to our ranks:
Lyons left her husband of nine years and
has reportedly found new love with another
woman. Namely, Courtney Crangi, the busi~
nesswoman behind luxe jewelry maker and
brother Philip Crangi.
The pair have been spotted at romantic
dinner dates around Manhattan, and according
to sources in Page Six, they' re quietly open
about their burgeoning business~meets~pleasure
relationship. Mixing plaid with platinum? A
winter "do:'
A Stand-UpWoman
WandaSykeshas made a career out oflaugh~
ing at the small stuff. Even when the actor
revealed she had breast cancer, Sykes managed
to find a humorous spin.
"I was having a breast reduction, actually.
I had real big boobs, and I just got tired of
knocking over stuff. Every time I eat ... Oh,
lord. I'd carry a Tide stick everywhere I go;'
Sykes told Ellen DeGeneres on her show. "It
wasn't until after the reduction that, in the lab
work, the pathology, that they found that I
20
I curve
had DCIS [ductal carcinoma in situ] in my
left breast:'
After undergoing a double mastectomy,
Sykes decided to go public about the diagnosis,
but not without a little hesitation. African
American, lesbian and cancer survivor? Talk
about poster child, she said. But to us, she's
less a poster child than a model citizen. Wanda,
give 'em all you got.
Allison Adler last summer-that means cou~
pling up with singer and music producer
LindaPerry.
One of their first public dates? The God
Bless Ozzy Osbourne documentary. And con~
sidering that both women are part of the
tightly knit Hollywood lesbian community,
this one will be interesting to watch.
BigName,BigCause
A LittleBirdToldMe
EllenDeGeneres
has long been a pioneer for the
Everyone has a different story about how they LGBT community, publicly championing the
came out to their families. However, for Rosie cause and taking on beasts of issues that most
O'Donnell's
new paramour, Michelle Rounds,
can hardly handle on an individual basis.
it goes a little like this: Celebrity talk show
But now DeGeneres has added an addition~
host goes public about relationship, parents
al mission to her agenda: AIDS. Named by
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, DeGeneres
go berserk.
"It totally hit us out of left field;' Rounds's
is now Special Envoy for Global AIDS
father Roger reportedly told The Enquirer Awareness. Her mission: raise global aware~
ness and raise the spirits of those living with
upon learning his daughter is romantically
linked to the Rosie Show host. "We only found
the disease.
out about Michelle liking girls when all this
"The fight against AIDS is something that
came out about a few weeks ago. It's been has always been close to my heart. And I'm
hard to take:'
happy that I can use my platform to educate
Talk about your awkward family holiday people and spread hope;' DeGeneres says.
dinner.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go look up
what envoy' means:'
Rockin'Rebound
Considering her megastar power and what
After ending a long~term relationship, we she's done for our community, we have high
all have our ways of coping. For actor and hopes for the positive impact she can have on
The Talk co~host Sara Gilbert-who ended
this issue, too.
her nine~year relationship with TV producer
Godspeed, Ellen. ■
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Help! Our Sex Life Has Become a Chore
Do I keep trying or is it time to move on? By Lipstick and Dipstick
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm finding out that the average lesbian
relationship in Cleveland is finished after two years or less. Why is that?
What happens in the lesbian community that causes relationships to
sour after such a short time? I ask because I've been in a relationship
with Trina for two years and suddenly I'm lost, without my best friend
and virtually sex-less. Sex is a chore, and if we get around to it, it's quick
and lackluster. I remember when things were carefree, fun, exciting and
new. Now it's like scooping the litter box: boring, and you always know
what to expect ... the same old shit. Today, I tried to touch my girlfriend
and she said, "Ewwww." We're both 35, so neither of us wants to waste
our time. Is there any hope, or should I move on to a different kitty?
- Pissed Off Pussy
Lipstick:Puss, since I've lived many lives (I'm
on No. 86 now), I can tell you this: Romantic
relationships are like the ocean-they
ebb
and Row, with good times and bad, sex~filled
and sex~less. Tidal changes aren't exclusive to
Cunnilingus Cove. They happen just as often
in Breeder Bay. The big difference, however,
is that with lesbians, there is no dick driv~
ing through the riptides like an icebreaker
through Antarctica, no sexual intimacy to
save the sinking ship. When lesbians hit
choppy waters, we often head down into the
galley, slide into bed alone and turn out the
lights. We couldn't care less about sex. This is
compounded by the fact that women's bodies
are enigmatic vessels. One moment we want
the sex swing, the next we'd rather curl up
and watch Oprah'sLifeclass.The lesson here:
You need to continue connecting with your
girlfriend sexually, even when the sea is angry
and there aren't any fireworks. That means
Relationships ebb and
flow, sex-filled and
sex-less, through good
times and bad.
22
I curve
you've got to work harder, Puss, and focus on
rediscovering each other!
Dipstick:Yes, there is something in the water
in Cleveland that makes relationships sour
after two years. It all started back when the
Cuyahoga River caught fire. Can there be any
other explanation as to why a charming lass
such as you can't maintain a lover's interest?
First, you equate what should be an intimate,
sharing and bonding experience with a disgust~
ing chore, and then you accuse your partner
of being turned off. Besides the idea that
you might lack a certain romantic charisma,
here is another reason why relationships
fizzle. The first year is a whirlwind of sexual
attraction-you're
sneaking kisses at the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and taking long
getting~to~know~you walks on the shores of
Lake Erie. The second year, you start to settle
in to your life together, getting a cute duplex
in Cleveland Heights and strolling arm and
arm through the West Side Market. As the
third year approaches, you begin to ask
yourself if this is the girl you're supposed to
spend the rest of your life with. When you
realize that answer is no, you get the heck
out of Cuyahoga.
DearLipstickandDipstick:
WhatshouldI getmy
girlfriendfor Valentine'sDay?She reallyloves
.
'
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Lipstick & Dipstick ADVICE
chocolate,but do you have any other ideas?
I'm holdingoff on sexystuff becausewe just
starteddatingandI don'twantto rushherinto
anything.-QueerCupid
bake her a batch of peanut butter cookies.
Lipstick:Love the custom playlist idea, but
I'd also suggest something super-meaningful that she can carry with her every day. I
recently gave my girlfriend a necklace from
Pyrrha, and neither the pendant nor the
smile has come off since. Their talismanic
designs, handcrafted in metals and cast from
19th-century wax seals, all have meanings
derived from heraldry and are rustic, fashionable and sexy.
Dipstick:Lipstick, remember that lesbianowned chocolate company we discovered on
our book tour in Rochester, N.Y.?
Lipstick:
Sure do. Hedonist Chocolate. I loved
their lavender box.
Dipstick:
You and your lavender boxes! Another
good idea is some cute rainbow swag, like a
bracelet or a cute dykey T-shirt.
Dipstick:Don't forget the lesbian-friendly
jewelers Love and Pride. They've got a great
variety to chose from. ■
Lipstick:
Yawn.
Tune in to curvemag.com/
lipstickanddipstick
to watchthe
The Lipstick& DipstickShow.
Or write to tv@lipstickdipstick.com.
Dipstick:Or don't spend any money at all.
Make her a mix CD of your favorite love
songs-the ones that remind you of her-and
_go iigital, go
I
I
When you subsen"be to our •mteract,ve
• d"1g1ta
• I --edition you get curve in your inbox before it--hits the stands. Flick through pages, watch
videos, listen to songs, forward stories to
friends and best of all, no more recycling.
Just download and save!
Available on
both Mac
PC
11 and______
-~~
a:
g lieen
____,
____
_
Share with
friends via
e-mail, facebook,
and Twitter
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subscribe and save today at curvemag.com
ADVICE Relationships
Heart and Soul
How to reconcile your spirituality and sexuality.
By Mandy Wilson
I remember the first time someone
told me I was going to hell-it was
my reflection glaring at me from the
bathroom mirror, reeling from my
first lesbian kiss. The stinging words
scrolled through my 19-year-old mind
on continual loop. 'Tm going to hell.
God can't love me if I'm gay. I'm going
to hell:' Devastation crept in and I
began hating myself for the first time.
In that moment, as I brought water to
my flushed face, I could think of only
one thing to do. I decided to be indefinitely single. I decided this in the way
that one decides to go out into a cold
winter's night-a sheer act of will. This
became my life for the next six years.
Raised in a conservative church,
I faced what so many other LGBT
Christians struggle with, too: finding
a way to reconcile my spiritual beliefs
and true desires of my heart. According
my to church's backward beliefs about
homosexuality, I was a lesbian anomaly.
I had two incredible heterosexual parents. I
was never sexually abused. I didn't have an
absent father or an overbearing mother.
Perhaps I had some subconscious aversion
to the male race. But what caused itr More
than once, I blamed it on the experience of
my first kiss. I was 12. His tongue felt like
slime, and he smelled like a combination of
hot dogs and mouth rinse. By my mid- 20s,
I could no longer ignore my same-sex attraction. So from deep within the closet, I began
my venture out. It's an ongoing journey, but I
have slowly realized that I don't have to give
up my faith or my sexuality. Here are some
guidelines to help you on your own journey.
0 Finda supportsystem.One of the most
helpful things you can do is realize that you
are not alone. Find like-minded individuals
who will share their stories and offer a listening ear. If you are surrounded by negativity,
it will be difficult to overcome feelings of
doubt and insecurity. Remember that every
leader in history had a close circle of friends
or companions.
24
I curve
0 Get back to basics.Researchyour
spiritualbackground
for yourself.You
will find that a lot of prejudice comes
from tradition and blind faith. You
may discover that you've been indoctrinated with misleading information.
According to the same Bible that some
use against you,Jesus never spoke one
word against LGBT people. In fact,
he had an affinity for the outcasts of
society. He taught unconditional love,
not judgment and condemnation.
0 Loveyourself.This can be more
difficult than it seems. Statistically,
we remember more negative things
people say about us than positive.
And let's face it-there
are a lot of
negative things being said about gay
folks. Surround yourself with positivity. Do something that will enrich
your spirit. Take a spontaneous drive
with a friend. Volunteer your time
or skills. Pray or meditate. Break ties
8 Remember
theonewhoscreams
the loudest with anyone who makes you question your
worth. Remember that you are beautiful and
isn't alwaysright. It's no secret that there
wonderfully made.
are thousands of religious extremists who
misuse the Bible every day. Throughout the
There are abundant online resources
centuries, the Bible has been wrongly used
available for those struggling to harmonize
to discriminate against women, children,
their faith and sexuality. You can start at my
Jews, African- Americans, religious reformers
website, ComingOutChristian.org,
where
and the mentally ill. It has been used to
you will find links to countless websites,
defend heinous crimes such as slavery, the
organizations, and more. Become part of a
Crusades and the Inquisition. Historically,
movement. Help bridge the gap between our
the Church's views on minorities tend to
change with the passing of time. There will places of worship and the LGBT community.
Don't settle for mere tolerance; be a catalyst
eventually be a time when discrimination
for love and acceptance. You really can have
against LGBT people isn't even thought of
in religious institutions.
the best of both worlds. ■
@ Consider
breaking
thesilence.If you
believe
in God and you're gay, consider speaking out.
It can be intimidating, but the religious society
needs to understand that there are more of
us than they realize. Silence gives birth to
misinformation, which gives birth to prejudice.
(However, coming out is an extremely personal
process. Never do it unless you are ready and
can do so safely.)
Led by her own journey
of reconcilingher faith
and sexuality, Mandy
Wilson founded the site
ComingOutChristian.
orgwhichseeksto spread
the messageof love,truth
and self-acceptancefor
LGBT people offaith.
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Nikki & Laura
Professional women's soccer players, Nikki Baker and Laura del Rio kick it, on and off the field.
By Lyndsey D'Arcangelo
How they met
Off the field
Nikki:We were teammates on a professional soccer team called
FC Indiana. [FC is short for Football Club.] We played offense
together. However, Laura is from Spain. We hardly spoke, due to
the language barrier, but one day we started a conversation using
Google Translate. So the next day I began learning Spanish and
Laura began learning English. And we've been a couple ever since.
Nikki:We used to be teammates, but now we coach a soccer team
together. So we know each other's strengths and respect what we
each have to offer.
Getting hitched
Nikki:We wear commitment rings that we exchanged privately a
year ago, but it would be nice to have a ceremony with our families.
The problem is that our families live on different continents. Also,
we are not able to marry legally in the state of Oklahoma, which
is where we now live.
Laura:We talk about getting married in the
future, but we don't need a piece of paper to be
a family. We are a family. We feel married. We
are even raising a little girl together.
Why they fit so well together
Nikki:Laura is the logical, even,tempered one.
She is full of patience and wisdom. She keeps
me responsible! Like yin and yang, we balance
each other out.
Laura:I think we fit so well together because
we are so opposite. Nikki is all heart! She is pas,
sionate and sometimes impulsive. She is the
funniest person I know, but also very serious
about wanting to make this world a better place.
On the field
Nikki: That same summer we met, we were
also competing for the most goals in the entire
league. It came down to the last game, where
[deep sigh] Laura ended up coming in first
and I came in second.
Laura:I know Nikki wants me to say thisI did play one more game than her. We gave
each other good healthy competition. I miss
playing with her.
Nikki: Me too. Our styles of play are com,
pletely different, but they complement each
other well.
Laura:I am not one to give advice, but if I have to say something
[about why we're so compatible off the field] it is our communication
and compassion. That works for us. And we make sure to laugh
every day.
Nikki:Yes, definitely communication, and being able to recognize
and respectfully talk about frustrations. But also remembering
that it's equally important to encourage and praise each other. I
completely admire Laura as an individual and as my partner. I love
being near her, so it makes living and working together easy. ■
Laura del Rio (left) and Nikki Baker
POLITICS
Tying the Knot or a Noose?
What lies beneath the covers of gay marriage. By Victoria A. Brownworth
In 1994, I wrote a column in this space
about marriage equality. I described my
conflicted feelings: Yes, lesbians deserve all
the rights afforded to heterosexual couples.
But, historically, marriage has not been
friendly to women-rather,
it has been a
means of enslavement. So why embrace it?
Over the intervening 17 years I have
continued to question what marriage
equality would mean for us and have come
to favor it in theory, if not in practice.
In 1999, after being together for nearly 12
years, my then,partner and I split. It was a
bad breakup of the sort only lesbians seem
to have. We have had an amicable recon,
ciliation. I am the person she always calls
in a crisis. We work together on several
projects. Rarely does a day go by when
26
I curve
we don't either talk to or see each other.
I take care of her cats when she goes
out of town. We are still lesbian family.
But issues remain, all of which have to do
with the limbo legal status of our never
having been married.
Had we been ending a marriage in 1999,
rather than a nonlegal domestic partnership
( there are no domestic partnerships in our
state), I would have fared much better than
I did. My partner would have had to make
legally binding financial concessions-like
sharing title to the house we bought together,
which is in her name but for which I have
always paid the mortgage, and sharing our
credit card debt, which is in my name but
is debt we both incurred. Yet for the inter,
vening 12 years since our breakup, I have
lived in the house, paid the mortgage, and
paid for a new roo£ a new heating system,
various seriously expensive plumbing prob,
lems, and basic wear and tear. I'd like to will
my half of the house to my current partner,
but because I was never married, it's not
community property. It's my house in reality,
but legally I lose.
My house is why we need marriage
equality. When my sister got a divorce, the
house was also an issue-but
because she
and my brother,in,law were legally married
it was community property. They had to
share, whether they wanted to or not. Many
friends have had similar experiences over the
years-including
fights over child custody.
One of the most harrowing issues for
unmarried lesbians who break up is children.
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One couple I know had a child together.
Then they split up. Custody was shared
until the birth mother became involved with
another woman. That woman said sharing
custody was bad for the child. The custody
sharing ceased and the non-biological mom
has been fighting a legal battle to see her
child ever since. The birth mother has
stated in legal filings that her former partner
has no rights to the child because she isn't
biologically connected. In other words, she's
used homophobic laws, which
continue to perpetrate inequality
in relationship rights, against the
woman she once loved, to keep
the child they had together away
from the child's other mother.
When same-sex marriage was
legalized in New York, I watched
couples running to City Hall to
exchange vows. Some of them
were long-term partners in their
60s and 70s. Others had been
together for years and brought along the
children. But others were quite young and
had been together for the five minutes it
often takes for lesbians to move in together.
Marriage equality is a double-edged
sword. With the benefits come the responsibilities of "in sickness and in health, for
richer or for poorer, forsaking all others, till
death do you part:' Marriage equality means
that your stuff is now her stuff and vice
versa, but what if you have lots of stuff and
she has next to nothing?
Marriage equality means if she wants a
baby and you don't, you two have to figure
it out or get a divorce. Marriage equality
means that everything that comes after the
white dresses/ tuxes and flowers and big
party is hard work.
How many of us are really up to the job
of marriage?
Like many lesbians, I spent years living
in classic serial monogamy.Two years here,
four there. I'd begin to feel the problems of
one relationship and allow myself to be
lured into another. Then I decided that
commitment meant just that-commitment. Still, sometimes breakups happen,
whether you want them to or not. That
happened to me. And we either learn from
our mistakes or we don't.
I am not married now and doubt I ever
will be. It's not because I'm not committed
to my partner- I am. I refer to her as my
wife, or my spouse, but we aren't legally
married. I don't want to saddle her with my
financial drama.
It's easy to say "that won't happen to me"
or "we'll never break up;' but we will all get
older, most of us will get sick, a third of us
will buy a house together, a quarter of us
will have a child together. And more than
a divorcee. It means you have to tell every
potential partner that you couldn't or
wouldn't make your legal marriage work.
Which makes you a little sketchy in the
eyes of the next woman.
Marriage equality as a concept is important and necessary-we deserve it. But as
state after state is making same-sex marriage legal, we have to ask ourselves if we
are really ready for that "till death do you
part" clause. We have to ask ourselves why
we want to get married. Is it
purely for love and commitment? Or is it because we
want the social approbation
that comes with it. Is it because we want to be able to
introduce her as "my wife;'
or "my spouse;' instead of
the clumsily inadequate "life
partner"?
Do we want to get married
because it's the next logical
step m our committed relationship, or
because we're trying to fix the damage
being queer in a homophobic society has
wrought on us?
Do we want to get married for the white
dress/ tux and to have our father or mother
walk us down the aisle, or because we really
cannot imagine ever being with anyone but
this woman for the rest of our lives and we
want everyone in the world to know how
much we love her?
In its limited early run, marriage equality
looks glam. It looks like the newest iPod or
the Kindle Fire. But then in a few months,
we find out that the battery runs down fast,
or burns up, or we can't load all the apps we
want. Then what?
I'm not saying don't marry. I think a lot
of us really want the daily responsibility
and intimacy and breadth of commitment.
But I also think a lot of us just want to be
in that line when the ink dries and it's legal
in our state.
You need to be sure you know what you
really want before you apply for that license.
Because no matter what you think, marriage
is indeed until death do you part. If you
can't imagine that, then you aren't ready.
And it's better to know that before you're
walking down the aisle than after. ■
Marriageequalityis a double-edged
sword.With the benefitscome the
responsibilities
of "insicknessand in
health,for richeror for poorer,forsaking
all others,tilldeath do you part."
half of all marriages end in divorce. There's
no reason to believe that lesbians, who
most often have 18-month relationships,
will suddenly be able to make it to the 50th
wedding anniversary-especially
not with
the drama and the public bar fights and the
slaps and the "I-only-kissed-her-the-onetime" and the 'Tm sorry" that doesn't really
stick. We need to grow up for marriage. It's
not like packing up the lesbian U-Haul on
the second date. It's permanent.
Marriage equality is new and exciting.
It seems like something we really, really
want. But with marriage come not just the
perks but also the responsibilities. You
have to share everything: money, house,
children, the cancer diagnosis, the broken
hip that leads to pneumonia, the dementia,
the death that parts you, the bills that come
with all of it. At 25, or even 30, are you
really ready to get married for life-not
just until you tire of each other or meet
someone "better"?
As bad as our lesbian breakups can be, a
legal divorce is not easier. Getting a legal
divorce means hiring lawyers or mediators.
It includes the plate-by-vase-by-CD-player
division of community property and working
out custody agreements over the children.
Divorce also means you are forever after
January/February
2012
I 27
ADVANCING
AFRICA
Soweto Pride is a vibrant example of Africa's struggle
for LGBT freedom. By Lauren Barkume
Hundreds of activists gathered on Sept. 24, 2011
for the 7th annual Gay and Lesbian Soweto Pride
March-a local protest march as organized by
Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW). This
day provides South Africans with an opportunity
to voice their frustrations against homophobia and
discrimination experienced by gays and lesbians
and other minority groups in South Africa, especially
those who live in the townships. (few.org)
I
'
\
\
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2s
I curve
GAY KENYA OPPOSES AID
TheGayKenyaTrusthas
lent its supportto the British
Government's
intentionto
cut aid to Africancountries
that persecutegays.Gay
Kenyaviewsstate-sponsored
homophobia
as a votegetter,whichleadsto public
panicandgayrightsactivists
becomingtargetsof violence.
Whilethe GayKenyagroup
acknowledges
that cutting
aid wouldleadto suffering
by aid-dependent
populations,whichalsoinclude
LGBTpeople,the measure
is believedto be necessary
to stopthe persecutionof
sexualminoritiesin Africa.
"Aidconditionalityhas
beeneffectivelyusedin this
countryto leveragesocialand
democraticrightsstruggles
with positiveresults,"says
DavidKuria,executive
directorof GayKenyaTrust.
"Weareof the viewthat
internalandexternalpressure
be broughtto bearon
governments
that criminalize
andpersecutegaypeopleto
reviewtheir lawsandstop
anyform of persecution
of citizenson accountof
their sexualorientation."
(gaykenya.com)
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Against D'
. Summit
,scnmination
and Persecution
New York Cit;
he duo recorded Beauty Queen Sister
in Nashville with producer Peter Collins,
who also worked with them on Swamp Ophelia, Become
You and their 2010 Christmas album, Happy Holly Days.
Many of the musicians on the album have also worked
with the Indigo Girls before. The funky title track is one
of Ray's. "Emily and I are kind of the opposite of what
people think of as beauty queens;' she says-apparently
unaware that many people would disagree with that. "We
liked the way those words hung together, so we used it
as a title. But the song itself is different. It's [about] some
friends of mine, their family situations ... and the idea of
the romantic rebel and beauty queen. And the pain that
we carry inside us [when we] lose touch with what we
consider to be our essence. That's kind of all wrapped up
in one song:'
Another song that stands out on the disc is called,
simply, "John:' This one is classic Saliers. "I've got a cabin
up in North Georgia;' she explains. "There's a family who
lives up there. John takes care of the whole property ...
and, you know, I'm this girl who drives up in my SUV
from the city and then gets to enjoy the splendor of the
country because of all the work that he does. It's a song
about him and his whole family. The spirit of their gener,
osity and hard work:'
Indigo Girls fans know that Ray and Saliers always
write separately. As is often the case on their albums,
32
I curve
Ray's songs on Beauty Queen Sister tend to have a bit
more edge. It's quite telling when you ask the Girls to
name their musical influences. "I think we have some of
the same influences from earlier;' says Ray. She lists classic
singer,songwriters like James Taylor, Jackson Browne,
Joni Mitchell, Neil Young and The Roches as being musi,
cians that she and Saliers cut their teeth on-but
after
that, their paths diverge. Saliers says, "If I think about
an artist besides Joni Mitchell that I listen to over and
over again, absorbing every nuance, [it would be] Stevie
Wonder:' The first record she ever purchased, she adds,
was by The Jackson 5.
Where Saliers cites Motown and R&B as being influen,
tial, Ray leans more toward punk and alternative. "When
I discovered Patti Smith, that was a big time;' she says.
"What was formative for me was Paul Westerberg and
Husker Du and what Bob Mould was doing later, with
Sugar. [Also] Le Tigre and The Butchies and the whole
movement of women punk bands:'
Since she's into more aggressive music than Saliers, you
would be within your rights to assume that Ray prefers the
big city to the country-however,
you would be wrong.
Although they are both from Georgia, Ray resides in a
quiet, rural part of the state while Saliers lives in, as she
says, "the city" -that is, the city of Atlanta.
The South holds deep, complex meaning for both
the Girls. "[There's] a mystical quality to it;' says Saliers.
"Writers like Flannery O'Connor capture the bizarreness
of the South-the
sort of murky darkness. You have the
historical struggle, obviously, of bringing Africans over
and enslaving them. And very complicated interpersonal
relationships between people. [But] then, certain genera~
tions [are] trying to work through that conflict. For me,
there's a few progressive factions in Atlanta. It would be
more difficult for me to live in a very conservative place
in Georgia:'
Interestingly, Ray does live in a more conservative part
of the state-and says she likes it just fine. 'Tm not a city
person;' she admits. ''I've lived in a rural area for about 20
years. I'm pretty different from the people I live around,
but you find a lot of similarities-and
I like that. I like
when the similarities are not apparent at first and then,
you know, you have an ice storm and everybody comes
over with their chainsaws and helps you get out of your
driveway! It's very diche, but people are inherently good.
And it's kind of fun to discover that in a place where you
think you would be in such opposition to each other:'
"It's hard for me to put [my feelings] about Georgia into
words, because I've been there my whole life;' Ray continues.
"My mom was born there and my grandma was born
there. And her mother-my
great grandmother-lived
there but was born in South Carolina. My dad's family is
Southern too. It's got the darkest and the lightest of every~
thing. It's [got] the ugliest racial stuff ever, as well as the
most triumphant spiritual stuff, you knowr People have
overcome so much:'
When we'd spoken with Saliers and Ray previously,
same~sex marriage was still illegal in New York state, and
"Don't ask, Don't Tell" had yet to be repealed. Now, Saliers
acknowledges that legalizing gay marriage in New York
was "a huge accomplishment" and adds, "Iowa's passing
gay marriage was very encouraging and interesting. Iowa's
kind of a dark horse, isn't itr Politically, it's a very inter~
esting state:' For her part, Ray agrees, saying, "Practicality
wins out in the Midwest:'
Saliers is quick to qualify things, though. "There's still
so far to go;' she says. "There's no federal protection. My
partner is from Canada, and we have a real issue on our
hands. Because there's nothing to reconcile that unless I
move to Canada. [Legalizing same~sex marriage] is going
to have to come from the federal government and not state
by state by state:'
She adds, "The highest teenage suicide rate [is still] for
queer youth. It's a particularly disheartening time to think
about acceptance because there's such partisanship across
the board. When you have people dying, being beaten up,
killing themselves, it's a humanity problem. So there's a lot
of work still to be done:' ■
January/February
2012
I 33
Favourites push-up bra by
Marlies Dekkers, $99
Triangle thong, $49
(marliesdekkers.nl)
Vintage feather necklace,
stylist's own
Sheer top by Tony Cohen, $55
(tony-co hen.com)
Hip-length vest by Goosecraft
Agent Provocateur
thigh-high tights, $50
Brian Atwood platform pumps
(brianatwood.com)
January/February
2012
I 37
Photographer:
RobHoffman
/ robhoffmanphotos.com
Model:LaurenAbediniakaDJSoulre/Makeup
Artist/DJ@djSoulre
Specialthanksto CherieLimandMarissaMachado
Styling/Creative
Director/Writer:
ClaireCampbell
Moseley
@campbellmoseley
/ anlnitial.com
.
. ..
Military Chic:
Always a favorite, military-inspired
couture is a great way to layer for
the change in weather as well as
something you can often find at
a second hand shop. It's worth
spending the cash on having it
tailored because just the right fit
can make or break this look.
Jacket by Gap, Shirt by American
Apparel, Shorts by Levi Vintage,
Shoes by All Saints, Handkerchief
chef by H&M, Bag by Baggu
Baby it's cold outside, but with
Spring just around the corner
comes a change in weather
and a change in fashion.
What do you need to freshen
up your wardrobe? The best
advice I was ever given
about shopping: less is more.
Buy key pieces rather than
splurging on quantity; you'll
end up getting more wear out
of well-selected basics that
set you apart. That's not to say
you need to drop your whole
paycheck on one T-shirt-just
be aware that a two-for-$1 0
deal isn't going to make you
kill with the ladies. Whether
your personal style is preppy,
rock 'n' roll, casual cool,
hip-hop or a button down and
jeans, we have looks for all
the shapes and sizes of the
rainbow. So, before heading
out to the stores,
take a peek at my
list of must-haves
January/February
2012
I 39
Leather and Lust:
Of all the items I believe a gay
girl should own, a hot leather
jacket is at the top of the list.
You can wear this to almost any
occasion and nothing makes
you feel sexier. Most important
is the quality of the leather. A
high-end leather jacket may be
a bit pricey but it's worth the
investment-because if you find
the right one you will never need
to buy another.
Leather Jacket by Zara, Bracelets
by Stonewall Equality and Lyon Fine
Jewelry (lyonfinejewlery.com)
look is classic Americana and
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January/February
2012 I 43
GLENN CLOSE'S LATEST PASSION PROJECT
IS A MUST-SEE FOR LESBIANS.
0
VER THE YEARS, weve seen the elegant and diminutive Glenn Close as a
psychotic, knife-wielding, pseudo-femme fatale (FatalAttraction);as a powdered
19th-century Parisian villainess (Dangerous Liaisons); as a black-and-whitehaired witch (101 Dalmatians);as a ruthless, cold-blooded lawyer (Damages)-as
all manner of female schemers. And, closest to our hearts, we've even seen her as a
lesbian Army colonel in full dress uniform (Servingin Silence).But we've never seen her like this.
In her latest groundbreaking role as the title character in Albert Nobbs, the youthful-looking
64-year-old plays a woman who lives as a butler in 1860s Dublin. The specter-or if you prefer,
spectacle-of the patrician, oh-so-female, blue-eyed blonde transformed into a man is riveting. You
can't take your eyes off the iconic actor's face. During the 32-day shoot, Close spent more than two
hours a day in makeup (and her transformation does include some minor facial prosthetics, as well
as a fabulous wig).
This passion project, opening nationwide on Jan. 27, has taken Close decades to bring to the big
screen. Aside from reprising her Obie-winning role in the 1982 Off-Broadway play The Singular
Life of Albert Nobbs,by feminist playwright Simone Benmussa, Close helped to produce and write
the screen adaptation, and even worked on the theme song, performed by Sinead O'Connor. Her
tremendous effort to see the project through came from a deep love of the character. Close was not
waiting for Hollywood to deliver her dream role.
BY KATHLEEN WILKINSON
GUTS AND GLORY
PHOTO BY ROBERT ASCROFT
Back in the day, Glenn Close earned the adoration of lesbians everywhere when (with Barbra Streisand as a co-producer) she played
the lead role of Col. Margarethe Cammermeyer in the 1995 television movie Serving in Silence.
Cammermeyer, who was on track to become a general, was ousted from the U.S. Army for revealing
that she was a lesbian during the early days of the infamous "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" military policy.
The role was quite a revelation to Close. Despite her three marriages (she is currently married to
the computer scientist and Wall St. financier David E. Shaw), she claims that kissingJudy Davis,
her on-screen lover in Serving in Silence,was enough to convert her, briefly, to lesbianism. "Oh, it
was amazing. It changed me. It was like this Aha! moment. It was not intellectual-it
was like a
visceral feeling, being attracted, being in love with your own gender;' she said during an interview
for this article. "It has informed me a lot. It was a good
thing to go through:'
Taking on that role was a ballsy move at the time, but
then, throughout her long and highly acclaimed career, the
New Yorker has never shied away from controversial roles.
That career has spanned more than 35 years, during which
she has amassed a ridiculously large trove of acting honors:
five Academy Award nominations, two Golden Globes
(eight nominations), three Tonys (four nominations), three
Emmys and other awards and nominations too numerous
to list. The buzz is that the role of Albert Nobbs may
finally gain her the elusive golden statuette.
Using her extraordinary talent, Close brings a superb
authenticity to even the most cliched of all Hollywood
archetypes. Like many actors of a certain age, she was
"IT WAS AMAZING. IT WAS LIKE
THIS AHA! MOMENT. IT WAS NOT
INTELLECTUAL-IT WAS LIKE
A VISCERAL FEELING, BEING
ATTRACTED, BEING IN LOVE
WITH YOUR OWN GENDER."
cast in the inescapable role of "mother" early in her career,
playing Robin Williams' mother in The World According to
Garp (1982), even though they were roughly the same age.
Fans of the director Rose Troche ( Go Fish, The L Word)
may remember that Close also brought a nuanced finesse
to the morally ambiguous character of Esther Gold in The
Safety of Objects (2001), adapted by Troche from the book
of short stories by A.M. Homes.
But the roles that truly capture our imagination are the
ones where she taps into that terrifying dark side.
SOMETHING WICKED
Born in Greenwich, Conn., the actor became a household
name in 1987 thanks to her breakthrough role as the
obsessive stalker Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction. As she
has shown in her edgy portrayals throughout her career,
Close adores exploring women whose power becomes
menacing within patriarchal culture. She first began to
explore the phenomenon through her fascination with
fairytales. Close told a Mill Valley Film Festival crowd last
October that this began early in her childhood, when she
and her sister spent long days on the family property in rural
Connecticut entertaining themselves with a wooden trunk
full of puppets. She especially relished acting out the evil
witches. "The more nasty I was, the funnier it was and the
better it was:' When she was offered the role of Cruella De
Vil in 101 Dalmatians (1996), she jumped at the chance.
46
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The latest in Closes long succession of mesmerizingly
manipulative women is her Golden Globe- and Emmywinning character Patty Hewes on the topical TV series
Damages. A doggy boiler this time, Close plays a powerhouse attorney who bends all the rules, plotting the murder
of a dog with the aim of taking down corrupt, high-powered
corporate executives."! love Patty Hewes;' she says."She is so
smart, and yet there's a place where she's fragile, but she just
doesn't suffer fools and she's not intimidated by anybody:'
Close sees a connection between Hewes and Albert
Nobbs, adding, 'Tve played a lot of women who try to
exist in a man's world, Albert included. The Victorian
era was very much ruled by men. Marquise de Merteuil
in Dangerous Liaisons was not letting herself be treated in
the usual way and was considered wicked:' (That 1988 role
garnered Close her fifth Academy Award nomination, but
the Oscar went to Jodie Foster in The Accused.)
Like her Parisian counterpart, Patty Hewes "is [also] not
allowing herself to be treated in the usual way, and everybody said, 'Oh, she's so evil: It's just interesting to me that a
powerful woman is so disturbing to people:'
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT ALBERT
Albert Nobbs may not have the power or the darkness
of Patty Hewes, but she is equally complex. In the tightly
codified world of 19th-century Ireland, she figures out a
unique solution to the problem of being without financial
means. If the world won't give poor women opportunities,
she will create her own by putting on a pair of trousers and
passing as a man.
The point of Albert Nobbs-imagining the constricted
lives of women in that era-offers less titillation than lesbian
audiences might expect, given the premise. Thankfully,
Close hersel£ who helped write the script, fleshed out a
masterful foil for Nobbs in Mr. Hubert Page, exquisitely
played by the towering Brit Janet McTeer (Songcatcher,
Tumbleweeds). This role shows, for the first time on the big
screen, what life might have been like for lesbians of that
era-a project akin to Sarah Waters' efforts to reimagine
lesbian life in history, correcting the historical record that
so relentlessly wrote us out.
The film begins after Albert has survived for 30 years disguised as a man and is working as a waiter and manservant in
one of the Dublin's fanciest hotels. Albert is forced to double
up for the night with the painter Hubert Page, who discovers
the 44-year-old's long-kept secret-and then reveals that
he, too, is a woman passing as a man. Despite being a
woman, Hubert has managed to marry-to
love and live
with a wife. This opens up a whole new world for the
long-repressed Albert, whose only dream has been to save
enough money to open a tobacco shop; for the first time,
she realizes that she might be able to share her dream with
someone. She decides to court the chambermaid Helen
(Mia Wasikowska).
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For Close, the core of this story is not the gender play.
For her, it centers on violence against women and what
women have had to do to survive. A feminist at heart, she
sees it as an essential statement for all women, lesbians
included. Citing Afghanistan and the Congo, she explains,
"There is a huge problem with violence against women
across the world. We have three women in our movie and
two of them have been battered and one of them is on her
way to being abused.
"Every human being needs to feel safe and to feel connected, and whoever can bring you that, that's OK;' Close
says. ''I've said it before and I don't think people really get
it- I think that ultimately gender should be irrelevant:'
BECOMING A UPERHAPSER"
French-Tunisian playwright Simone Benmussa adapted
her 1982 Off-Broadway play from George Moore's 1927
short story of the same name, which in turn came from
an item in a Dublin newspaper. Benmussa, who also
directed the New York production, used the play to explore
the bleak realities of poor women who have few options
for making a living and even fewer for real companionship
and love.
Though queers everywhere will certainly identify with
Albert, the protagonist resists easy categorization. She's
asexual, existing between two worlds. To use the language
of the original story, she's a "perhapser, neither man or
woman:' Close cites that very complexity: "I think that's
why I've always loved Albert. She's deeply human and she's
living out her very, very specific story:'
A note in the program for the original play insisted, as
48
I curve
does Glenn Close, that the story
"is not about a transvestite:' In a
somewhat surprising statement,
she told a crestfallen audience
member during the MVFF Q&A
that Albert is not a cross-dresser.
She contrasted Albert to "someone like Eddie Izzard;' alluding
to his more fetishistic, or erotic,
relationship to dressing across
gender lines.
True to the play, the film represents Albert as a person who
changes her gender only to earn
a decent living. As far as sexuality
goes, the character is completely
cut off from her own feelings. "I
really think that it's possible to
have people that are invisible [read
repressed]. First of all, we now
know about PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder] and what
that does to you. And if [Albert]
was gang-raped when she was 14, and had nowhere to go
except into this disguise, that's never been [dealt with].
Then it's just stayed with you, and you don't have any
capacity to reach out:' Interestingly, Close asserted her
own vision for Albert's backstory, changing Benmussa's
play and Moore's original story, in which the young Albert
has a crush on a man and considers suicide before running
away and becoming a waiter.
ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN
Close has alluded to the idea that her own background
informs her interpretation of the role. When she was 7
years old, her parents joined a commune that was part of
the absolutist Christian sect Moral Re-Armament (MRA),
a precursor to the Oxford Group (and the basis for today's
12-step programs). In the late '60s, she traveled and
performed with MRA's singing group, Up With People.
She left at 22 to study theater at The College of William
and Mary in Virginia.
"It's difficult for me to bring all that in;' she says. "I don't
believe my craft is a psychiatrist's couch at all, but I do
think I know what it's like to be on the outside looking
in, not being allowed to do things, especially when you're
young. It's very difficult. It's killing. So, yes, I think it's part
of my overall consciousness:'
Close brings this experience of estrangement to Albert.
"She doesn't have an inner life, really, until she meets Hubert
and that question forms of, Would it be possible? Hubert
never gives her the answer to the question that she really
needs to ask, which is, How did you do it? Hubert just
takes for granted that Nobbs would know how to do it:'
Albert's complete lack of understanding about what
goes on in a loving sexual relationship gives rise to quite a
bit of humor. She just goes for Helen because that's what
Hubert suggests. "In the story, I kept with that. Helen
was the most lively, and the cheeky one, and the one she
thought would be the greatest person in the tobacco shop.
People would come because she's a lively, funny, full~of~
life person. There's that wonderful part in the story where
she's looking at each maid and saying why it wouldn't
work with them:'
McTeer's character provides some much~needed-at
least for contemporary lesbian audiences-relief. Hubert
Page is an itinerant painter with a home; a seamstress wife,
Kathleen; and an eye for the maids, especially the cheeky
Helen with her "lovely, blond curls:' Close fleshed out this
character, writing the very lesbian domestic scenes in the
kitchen with Albert, Hubert and Kathleen.
In a pivotal scene in the movie, Albert and Hubert put
on dresses to test the possibility of reverting to their femi~
nine selves, and take a jaunt along a beach. Like much of
the movie, it's both funny and touchingly sad: Hubert, who
has adjusted to life as a man and knows who she is, clearly
looks like she's in drag. It's more complicated for Albert.
Close recalls how she approached that scene: "I think
there is some place in her that thinks that if she gets back
in a dress, she has nothing to hide. Yet, after 30 years, she
doesn't even know how to move in a dress:'
Albert falls flat on her face. It's clear that she can no longer
go back to being a woman. "The culmination of that scene
is, she realizes that that's not who she is, either. This is what
I love about Albert, too-when
Hubert says, 'You can be
whoever you are. You've worked hard and you've saved
your money, you can do that; Hubert doesn't know what
a huge lack of tools Albert has. Hubert thinks Albert is a
little more capable than she is:'
But what about Albert's sexual desire? When Helen
kisses Albert and tries to bring her into the real world of
romantic love, she is in for a surprise, which is how Close
chose to play the scene. "It was just surprising and kind of
shocking and seemed a little violent. She hasn't been in
people's bedrooms when they're making love. I don't think
it's anything she really thinks about-because
why? What
good would it do her? She's just trying to be left alone, to
be unnoticed, to save her money and to survive. She doesn't
want to end up on the street. And as quiet as she can be,
and as good a butler- I think she gets pleasure from being
a good butler and the people she sees every season [who]
appreciate her:' Those of you who are all too familiar with
this trope of lesbian representation and its relentless
omission of Sapphic sex may be rolling your eyes just
about now. This interpretation of Albert as lacking sexual
desire, even in the privacy of her own room, does harken
back to the "twisted sisters;' as The CelluloidClosetcalls
them, of Hollywood past.
The counterbalance is Hubert's successful and very
comfortable lesbian relationship. Close calls these scenes
some of her favorites in the movie, saying, "You just see two
people who are very much in love with each other and have
a very happy life. You kind of forget what you're looking at,
actually. I like what the story does as far as people's assump~
tions about how people appear, and who they must be, and
what they must be. When you see those scenes where there
are two women dressed as men, and one woman-and
yet
they're all women-it's just great:'
At the risk of spoiling the ending, lesbians will be
delighted to learn that Hubert's knight~in~shining~armor
moment is Close's favorite in the film. "Hubert and the
beautiful, beautiful performance that Janet gives- I think
she's a new kind of hero. I really do:'
I wonder if it is too much to hope that one day soon we
can see Hubert's story, that she can be the lead and not just
the best friend.
As for Glenn Closes getting her due come Oscar timeshe says, "Oh, my goodness, knock on wood:' ■
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...
THE QUOTABLE CLOSE
On Serving in Silence, which was televised long before it
was politically popular to speak out against "Don't Ask,
Don't Tell": "My first thought is, the waste of the people who
were thrown out all those years. I mean, just the insane waste
of it, and not all of them can go back. That's so sad. I just hope
that someday there will be a time when it just doesn't matter."
On how much work still needs to be done in the battle
against homophobia and prejudice: "I think the LGBT
community has come a long way .... I started an organization
called Bring Change2Mind [bringchange2mind.org] to eradicate
stigma around mental illness. A lot of it is the same kind of
thing that gay people have been toiling under-stigma
is the
last frontier, really. Because you can have people say all the
right things, but still there will be stigma in their minds. They
will stigmatize people." (Watch Close's video with her bipolar
sister Jessie at bringchange2mind.org.)
On The Vagina Monologues: "Eve [Ensler] is one of my
heroes and always will be. I sought her out, actually. I wanted
her to write a script about Bedford Prison, the women's prison.
I had read Precious and went to Sapphire first. She said, 'I'm
not a screenwriter. I'm a poet and a novelist, but you should
meet Eve Ensler.' So I looked up Eve. I thought she'd be a
black lesbian and there she was looking like [silent film star]
Louise Brooks. Eve always makes me do [the monologue]
'Reclaiming Cunt' [at] Madison Square Garden!"
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What keeps things hot between the sheets in a
lesbian relationship? Is three really a crowd- if
not, how do you make an open relationship work?
Is marriage a libido killer? What's new and
exciting in the world of sex toys? Can you get
a lesbian movie star to be your wedding
celebrant? For answers to these questions
and more, keep reading.
so I curve
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...:.\
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love being in a relationship, having a strong physical and
•
emotional connection to one other person ... but I also like the
idea of having a no-strings-attached
encounter with a hot
biddy," says Allie. Allie's a friend of mine, a smart little butch
with a desert-dry sense of humor and a desert-hot girlfriend,
Sam-who
happens to be in the same room while we're
exploring this topic. Normally, I'd sense some dyke drama
brewing here, but not with these two (at least, not about
How to have one,
what makes it work
and why it's not cheating.
8Y Y1'N1'T1'LLON-M'1CI<~
this). Sam and Allie are in a four-year, nonmonogamous (or "open")
relationship. Talking about having sex with other girls isn't the half of
it. "Lesbians are usually weirded out that we sleep with other people,"
Sam says. "But then they ask a ton of questions," she laughs.
January/February
2012
I 51
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•
Tristan Taormino is a queer~friendly pornographer and
sex educator who's written the book on nonmonogamyit's called Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining
Open Relationships. She describes it as a relationship style
based around the belief that no one can have all her needs
and desires satisfied by just one other person. Those who
are looking for more complete fulfillment practice nonmo~
nogamy, giving themselves and others permission to have
sexual or emotional relationships with more than one
person simultaneously.
Some of you may have heard of open relationships but
think they are something only your gay guy friends have.
Others might believe that this kind of thing is just glorified
cheating-a sneaky validation for selfishness, "having your
cake and eating it too:' No wonder nonmonogamy is often
looked down upon in the lesbian community.
In reality, though, nonmonogamy has been categorized
as a gay man's game due to the misconception that men
can easily separate sex and emotion and that gay men in
particular are sexually insatiable. More important, and less
commonly understood, is the idea that not all lesbians are
satisfied with monogamy. Luckily, when you do it right,
you can have your cake and eat it, too. But before you start
bashing Allie and Sam for their greedy love of desserts,
let's first examine what separates nonmonogamy from
cheating. That thin line might be said to zigzag more than
go straight, but it definitely exists.
been able to hammer away with the sexy carpenter and
maintain a happy, satisfying marriage. Sure, it would've
been less dramatic, but fewer hearts would've been broken
and you would've seen more guilt~free orgasms.
Before even attempting to answer this question, you
might wonder why, if Bette and Tina are in such a happy,
satisfying marriage, they would want to sleep with other
people at all.
Our monogamous, till~death~do~you~part society drills
it into our minds that you can't simultaneously love and
desire multiple people, and that one person can and should
fulfill all your needs. Therefore, if your partner sleeps with
someone else, you should be angry, hurt and jealous that
you have been deemed inadequate and this "other girl" has
been crowned superior. In traditional monogamy, if you
get interested in someone new, you must either break off
your current relationship or extinguish your "extramarital"
feelings to keep the home fires burning.
Nonmonogamy challenges these rules. In nonmonogamy,
you and your partner (or partners) choose to be together,
instead of feeling obligated by societal expectations.
Furthermore, sexual fulfillment with others may bring
you and your partner closer together-when
the pressure
to universally satisfy each other is gone, your relationship
can be customized to your
own individual needs. For
many lesbian, bisexual and
NOT It.LL lE'~8'11'N~It.RE'~It.T't~f'lE'P
queer
women-women
W'lTM t.\0N041't.\Y. lUCl<'llY, WME'N who are already living and
loving in accordance with
1)0 '1T Ri.4MT,
{AN Ml VE'
their own dictates, not
YOURCtt.l<E'
It.NPE'lt.
T 'lT,
society's-nonmonogamy
works not only because it
allows for more freedom,
but because it's a relation~
ship style built for those rejected from or choosing to live
Open relationships come m many
outside of the traditional box.
forms. You could casually date lots of people, or
maintain serious relationships with a few, or enjoying
So, let's say Bette and Tina were more like Allie and
Sam and had discussed and willingly agreed to the carpenter
partnered nonmonogamy-probably
the open relationship
that's most common among queer women. In partnered
sex. Bette's affair might then have been considered just a
nonmonogamous event, not a scandalous infidelity.
nonmonogamy, you are primarily committed to one person
but also have sexual or emotional relationships with others.
Indulging in a steamy side dish turns infidelity into
Um ... how is this not cheating? Read on.
nonmonogamy with three key ingredients: consent, commu~
We all enjoyed the steamy scandal when The L Word's
nication and the contract. Without these three Cs you're
Bette had a hot jailbird affair with that sexy carpenter,
just a fourth C-a cheater.
even though it resulted in the sacrifice of her marriage to
Of the three Cs, the contract is the most critical because
Tina. But what if Bette had sat down with Tina, talked
devising and revising it requires lengthy communication,
about how they might open their relationship to new
and to "sign" it, you must fully consent to its terms and
people, got her input and set some rules? Then she'd have
conditions. The contract is a written or verbal agreement
you
you
TOO.
52
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z
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w
I
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as to the boundaries of your open relationship. Get specific
when drafting this agreement: Who, if anyone, is offlimits-friends?
exes? femmes? Consider gender, age and
personal connections. What activities are OK-romantic
dates? just sex? Consider types of penetration and safer
sex. Can your primary partner use your favorite dildo
with her other girlfriends, or should she keep it digital?
Can you have only one-night stands, or can you date
someone continuously? And when-only
on weekends?
on vacation? on your birthday? Where-in
your bed? out
of town? at the gayborhood dyke bar? Should your partner
kiss and tell, or would you prefer ignorant bliss?
Sam and Allie's open relationship contract exists in the
form of spoken agreements-the
most essential one is to
do things together and to put each other first. "I think it's
important for each couple to decide what works best for
them and feel things out;' Sam says. "When people realize
we sleep with other people, they say, 'Oh, so you're in an
open relationship:" And my answer is always, 'Sort of..:
because I can't just date whoever I want, or sleep with
whoever I want. Allie and I do things together, unless a
rare rule-breaking night occurs, in which case it's been
cleared by both of us. The goal is to have fun!" Allie agrees
that just because their relationship is open, this doesn't
mean anything goes. "There are rules. You have to prioritize!
Who comes first-love of my life, or total stranger:"'
As Sam points out, each couple must negotiate specific
situations in a way that works best for them. This is where
consent comes in. An open relationship's consensuality
may be what keeps it furthest from infidelity. As Sam
says, "I think some people have an aversion to [our open
relationship] because they see it as cheating. I don't see
anything we are both OK with as cheating:' In order to
have a consensual open relationship, everyone involved
must contribute to the terms of the contract, fully understand what they are agreeing to and genuinely mean it.
Because you can never predict with certainty how you will
feel the first night your girlfriend actually hooks up with
that hottie bartender, the contract is absolutely revisable.
No one should feel like she's forcing herself to be OK with
something she might have said yes to initially but is now
uncomfortable with.
Because of all the agreement revisions and all the processing of feelings, a nonmonogamous relationship tends
to be more talk, talk, talk then sex, sex, sex (despite what
people think). Allie sums it up in one sentence: "This all
hinges on your ability to communicate-transparency
is
a must:' If you can't already talk openly and honestly with
your partner about your feelings, especially the controversial
ones, an open relationship will only expose and widen the
cracks as needs aren't met and resentment builds up.
Even with a flawless, communicative, consensual contract,
open relationships are challenging. It's tough to schedule
all that sex in between gym time, ladies' nights out and a
full-time job! I guess the jealousy could be a problem, too.
For Allie, that challenge is obvious. ''Attraction can potentially lead to many complicated feelings, like jealousy and
infatuation. Even with the same [relationship] objective,
we all think and feel differently:' You can fight jealousy
with self-awareness and what Taormino calls ''compersion;'
loosely defined as taking joy in your partner's sexual and
romantic relationships with others. "Sleeping with others
has to be something you are sexually into as well," Sam
explains. "If you see your partner screwing someone else
and enjoying it, are you going to get jealous and freak out?
Or are you going to enjoy the sights and have some fun?
It can also add huge amounts of spice to your sex life once
those other people have gone home. Having seen your
partner in new ways can be a super turn-on:'
Genuinely wanting to see your partner sexually and
emotionally happy (whether or not that directly includes
you) can fend off the green-eyed monster. However,
jealously happens. Acknowledge your jealousy and try to
communicate constructively about it, knowing that just
because society says so, you don't have to be jealous of your
partner's other relationships. Soothe your partner's jealousy by consistently appreciating her, whether you show
it through weekly date nights, a foot massage or a written
list of why you love her so. However, take unquenchable
jealousy as a sign that something basic needs adjusting.
As Taormina advises, "When you are content ... and feel
secure and satisfied in your relationship, it greatly lessens
your envy of others:'
Nonmonogamy does not equal cheating, but it is still
possible to cheat on your partner in a nonmonogamous
relationship. Nonmonogamy is not about hurting your
partner, nor it is about promiscuity, dissatisfaction
or instability. When you discover the essential
elements in an open relationship-communication, consent and the contract-you
can see that its success relies on the same
values that exist in a healthy monogamous one: namely, trust, understanding,
and, yes, fidelity and devotion. As Allie
says, so sweetly,"In the end, these [sexual]
encounters only reinforce my relationship
[with Sam]. They are enjoyable, but at the
end of the day they are not nearly as satisfying as what I am fortunate enough to
experience every day in my very-muchcommitted open relationship:'
Awww. Can we have our cake now? ■
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,
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I..........................
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lf TER THE HONEYt.\OON
The truth about sex after marriage. 8Y 1'LL't~ON ~TE''tN8E'R4
\N
e have plenty of reason to rejoice as same-sex marriage becomes a reality for more
and more of us around the country, but after all the thrown rice has settled what
are the potential downsides of making honest women of one another? Aside from
arguments about who left her dirty socks lying around or why the electric bill wasn't paid,
what about the all-important issue of post-marital coitus? Does tying the knot add heat in
the bedroom, or does the official declaration of endless domestic day-to-days decrease
the lesbian libido? How is marriage affecting the health of our sex lives?
The straight world has dialogued about whether marriage
puts a damper on desire ever since Lucy and Desi pushed
their beds together on TV and pop culture lifted the taboo on
talking about sex. Check out the lifestyle magazines at your
local bookstore and count how many cover lines mention
something about "spicing up your love life"-presumably
these are geared toward straight wives who sit around
complaining about how dull it is in their bedrooms.
In the lesbian community, we call it the dreaded lesbian
bed death (LBD) and talk about how long~term partners
inevitably replace synchronized muff~diving with couples'
crocheting and other arguably less titillating pastimes. We
haven't yet distinguished, though, between how excited we
are to be able to legally wed and what that actually means
for the vibrancy and spontaneity of our sexual relations.
According to a survey of 300 legally married curve
readers, the longer couples are married, the more their
54
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sex lives diminish and the less satisfied they become with
the quantity and quality of their horizontal honey~time.
According to the survey, most of the women who have
been married for less than a year report that they are
"very satisfied" with their sex lives or that they "could
be better but could be worse:' Among those who have
been legally wed for one to two years, satisfaction decreases
significantly. Those who have been married for more
than two years are the least satisfied with their sex lives,
many reporting that they have sex once a month,
on average, and characterize it as "the pits. Wish we had
more bedroom time:'
Queer performance artist and eco~sex activist Annie
Sprinkle offers this assessment: "Married couples some~
times are very affectionate, and satisfied, but have less sex.
Some couples are very lucky and they have it all-lots of
hot sex, lots of romance and lots of affection:' Sprinkle
UJ
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also points out that married couples, or more traditional
long~term couples, might have children, which could also
make for less time alone in the bedroom. "Kids make it
more challenging-as
energy levels can be low and time
can be tighter;' she says.
Lesbian advice columnist Kathy Beige (aka Dipstick of
Lipstick & Dipstick) says,"I hear from lesbian couples every
day who experience what they call lesbian bed death. I like
to call it lesbian bed nap, though, because the sex hasn't
entirely gone away-it's just not as frequent as one member
of the couple would like it:'
Death, napping, hibernation, kids, pets, parenthood or
whatever, it seems that the more committed a couple is
and the longer they' re together, the more their sex lives
take a backseat (perhaps the couple should climb into the
backseat in a quiet location more often)."It is natural for sex
to die down once a relationship gets settled;' Beige adds,
which raises the question, why does our desire for our
partners decrease as our commitment to them increases?
"People begin to take each other for granted;' Beige
says. "They don't do the little things any more to make
themselves sexy for their partners. Whereas in the begin~
ning of a relationship, all she had to do was look at you
over her cappuccino and you were ready to go, now you
have to work a little harder to bring sex and romance to
the forefront:'
Sprinkle believes that "people often use sex for dating
purposes, to attract a partner. Or if they are alone, they
need to feel loved and need touch and affection:'
So sex may be a mating call of sorts. You head to the
girly bar on a Friday night ready to release those phero~
mones onto your unsuspecting prey. Maybe you leave
that extra button undone on your shirt or spray on
a dash of that new, irresistible cologne to attract your
mate. Once you've captured the queen bee in your web,
there's no longer a biological urge to unleash the same
amount of hormonally delicious passion under the covers.
Because you've already bagged your prey, now it's all
nesting and macrame.
Sex is, after all, biological. Every emotion you feel is a
chemical reaction that your brain is producing in concert
with your hormonal glands and organs. However, science
is unable to explain that je ne sais quoi, that intrinsic sense
that you're connected to someone on a spiritual level. And
often it's this loss of intimacy that married lesbian couples
miss most when things begin to cool down sexually.
According to psychotherapist and Director of Counseling
Services at New York City College of Technology Cindy
Bink, LMHC-who
specializes in couples' counseling
for lesbian relationships-this
is because "women are
trained to be more social, empathetic and sensual. Most
lesbian couples I work with report much more intense 'new
relationship' sex than their heterosexual or even gay male
counterparts. They describe an all~consuming sex, giving
everything over, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Once commitment is established, a few things happen to
all couples that decrease the desire to have sex: Couples
must negotiate for their needs, recognizing that their
partner cannot meet every one of them. The fall from this
'new relationship' phase is much harder, disappointing and
difficult for lesbian couples, because the intensity was so
much greater to begin with:'
Whether or not you believe in the institution of marriage,
most of us believe in the power of sex to connect us
mentally, physically and spiritually to the ones we love.
Would you change your mind about tying the knot if you
knew that entering into a legal entanglement with your
sexual partner could lead to the eventual loss of naked
entanglements? Every couple is different and every lesbian
has different needs, but along with the flowers and the DJ,
the health of your sex life is one more thing to consider on
the path to marriage. ■
January/February
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2012
I 55
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•
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hat makes a sex toy "lesbian?" Well,
·••:••······················································································
W
not a pair of silicone testicles, that's
for sure. Meet two women who put the
pleasure of other women first, and married
their understanding of female anatomy and
desire with innovative design.
THE PUET
Industrial designer Ti Chang is on a m1ss10n to give
women pleasure. Bored with vibrators that mimic penises,
the graduate of the Georgia Institute of Technology in
Industrial Design (she also holds an MA in Design Products
from the Royal College of Art in London), Chang, set out to
satisfy women with a new brand of toy: the Crave Duet
offers a tech-savvy design that looks like a thumb drive,
is waterproof and won't go off in your luggage. In fact, no
TSA official would guess its purpose.
Behind the creation
of two sex toys.
Whatdidyousetoutto achievewithCrave?
I wanted to build a company that embraces and respects
female sexuality by creating products and experiences where
it is all about her. I hope these products will help to change the
perception of sex toys for women, that sex toys don't have to
be phallic and juvenile-they can be sophisticated and sexy.
WhatputstheDuetaboveandbeyondothervibrators?
Duet is a considered design that encompasses aesthetic,
engineering and user experience. We've designed this
product to deliver a great experience from the moment
you lay your eyes on it, pick it up, use it, to the moment
you store it away. The Duet more closely resembles a smart
modern gadget than a phallic-shaped object. Visually there
is nothing to be embarrassed about; to a lot of women, true
discretion is very important-if
it was left out in the open,
no one would really be bothered by it. If anything it is quite
intriguing. The combination of velvety body-safe silicone
and metal has a luxurious tactile quality that feels good
in your hand. The Duet is virtually silent but also quite
powerful. The Duet is rechargeable via USB, which does
away with having to deal with batteries and chargers. Each
Duet comes with a slim black leather case for safekeeping. On
the whole, no other vibrators have this complete experience.
Howisthe Dueta sustainable
product?
The areas we have initially focused on are local manufacturing in San Francisco, packaging and we're looking to
offset the carbon footprint of the products. We use FSC
paper harvested from sustainable forestry. We decided to
not print instruction booklets that never get read, instead
we provide an engraved charm with a unique URL where
you can always find the most up-to-date information. The
leather case serves as padding during shipping and is a great
storage case as well.
u
;£
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Whathavebeensomecomments
fromwomensofar?
They have been so delighted with the elegance of the form
and the fact it doesn't scream vibrator. Women absolutely
love the USB charging-I mean love.
Whatisthebestthingaboutcreatingsextoysforwomen?
The experience of the design process is truly enjoyable.
Having a clitoris is clearly an advantage, but I think what
really gives me the edge is that I'm an industrial designer. The
wonderful and sometimes hilarious conversations I've had
with women who I hardly know-talking
frankly about
intimacy and sex-it's so refreshing and honest! Personally,
I feel like I'm making a difference in the best way I know
how. (lovecrave.com)[MerrynJohns]
THE TWO
Alice Derock has created a lesbianfocused response to the hundreds of sex
toys on the market that remind us only of
what we're "lacking" instead of enhancing
what we've already got. Toy TWO, made
by Derock's lesbian-owned and -operated
company, Wet For Her, is worn over the
index and middle finger to organically
intensify digital G-spot stimulation which
is second nature to lesbian lovers. Nominated for Best Non- Powered Product in
AVN magazine's annual "O" Awards,
Toy TWO lends us a hand.
Whatwasyourinspiration
forToyTWO?
Since women are limited to using their fingers during
intimacy, we decided to replicate a two-finger design that
slips over the fingers in order to allow a woman's existing
resources to pack a little more punch. We know that partner play is an intimate experience and we didn't want to
compromise it with additional bells and whistles. We just
wanted to enhance it naturally.
•••••••••
.••
•
••
WhoisToyTWOintended
for?
While our brand is directed towards the queer community,
Toy TWO is for everyone who desires a more personal
experience with their partner. Toy TWO requires little
partner communication during interaction, as the wearer
can feel exactly what is happening with their partner.
While Toy TWO is ideal for well-seasoned couples that
enjoy G-spot play, it's also great for beginners who are
looking to experiment with a non-invasive toy.
WhatmakesToyTWO"thefirstoriginallesbiansextoy"?
Toy TWO was designed solely for the purpose of representing a queer woman's sexuality. From the design of Toy
TWO to the packaging, we
are the first queer-owned and
-operated novelty company to
manufacture toys specifically
for lesbians and those who
identify as queer women.
Whatare someof the benefits
andchallenges
ofbeinga lesbian
-ownedcompanyin the maledominated
sextoyindustry?
It is challenging because we
are creating pleasure products
from a queer female perspec\J
tive which, understandably,
some people don't relate to.
The inspiration behind our
line of toys 1s derived
from our own personal experiences and feedback
from our customers-not
based on what competitors are producing. We design products from a sex toy
consumer perspective, because we were consumers
before we were sex toy manufacturers. Every time we meet
someone who is enthusiastic about what we are trying to
accomplish, it makes our dedication to serving the queer
community worthwhile (weiforher.us).[VanaTallon-Hicks]
•••.!4.
•
•
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• ••
January/February
•••••••
2012
I 57
•-:i
•
•
••
Julie, a then fan of my work in the film, Elena Undone, tweeted on
the eve of New York celebrating the legality of same-sex marriage:
"Get ORDAINED and marry me and my GF in NY? YES? PLEASE?
#BeAPartofHistory."
I leapt at the opportunity with glee and responded with the tweet:
"Reverend Dinwiddie@ your service!"
From there we began a genuine correspondence: personal videos
and letters giving account of their long-term relationship and what
marriage meant to each of them. It was easy to see Julie and Jenn loved
each other immensely, and this wedding would be a celebration of the
union they quite obviously already had. I was in.
Excitement over progress being made for same sex couples to be
legally wed was also a huge attraction for me. I did want to be a part of
history, especially in my own LGBT community.
Still, nothing could prepare me for the powerful wave of emotion that
surged through me as I spoke the words, "By the power vested in me by
the gracious state of New York, I now pronounce you ... wives!" It was like
nothing I've ever felt before. There we stood, in the midst of history being
rewritten. Two women were legally wed on Oct. 22, 2011. I was there
sealing the deal. It still gives me delightful chills thinking about it. ■
January/February 2
hile Mexico's capital is garnering most of the queer
traveler attention, there's a lot more than the bustling
city to explore. When my partner's sister said she was
having a destination wedding in a sleepy town outside of
Cancun, we jumped at the opportunity to turn a hetero
wedding into a homo travel adventure.
For a long time, I'd avoided the Yucatan. Cancun's
reputation as a Girls Gone Wild mecca had made me
write off the entire Peninsula. But as we discovered in
our 12-day trip to the Yucatan, there's a whole lot more
to this sunny strip of land than keg stands and wet
T-shirt contests.
The Yucatan offers a variety of vacation options. If you
only have a few days and just want to sit in an infinity pool
with a margarita in your hand, you can do that. There
are plenty of great all-inclusive deals offered, and as we
discovered, most of the resorts are very queer-friendly,
and some are even queer-specific. jQue bueno!
If you're more interested in an adventure travel vacation,
the Yucatan offers some of the best options for adventurous
dykes. There are cenotes (open air, fresh water caves) to
swim in, cliffs to dive off, an incredible reef to snorkel and
some of the best kiteboarding in the world.
Like most vacation destinations, there's a well-worn
travelers' trail. It's fine to venture off it, but because
so many people opt to stay in Cancun, the rest of the
Peninsula is yours for adventure.
Isla Mujeres
Isla Mujeres, or the Island of Women, seemed like a
great place to start our dyketastic vacation. This little
island off of Cancun offers the best of its mainland
neighbor ( turquoise water, beautiful reefs, accessibility
to the airport), without the crazy party scene. There's no
need for a car on this island. Rent a moped or bike to
explore the best beaches, like Playa Norte and the turtle
breeding grounds.
There's a wide array of housing on the Island of
Women, from expensive all-inclusive honeymooner
resorts to quaint B&Bs. My two favorite spots to stay
are Casa Sirena, which is owned by Steve and his partner.
It's queer-friendly and offers a great happy hour on the
roof deck. We also had a great stay at Isla Mujeres Palace
Resorts-an
all-inclusive, adults-only spot on the south
end of the island. Though straight-owned, no one batted an eye when we asked for a honeymoon room with
a king size bed and a romantic dinner on the beach.
( sirena.com.mx, islamujerespalace.com)
January/February
2012
I 63
Tulunt
Mayan Riviera
T ulum has long been a getaway for hippie and yoga travelers.
It's now becoming an LGBT destination as well. There's
an all-inclusive gay resort called Adonis. It's mostly guys,
but still an amazing setting and kind of a nice break from
the primarily straight resorts. (adonistulum.com)
T ulum excels as an eco-tourism destination. Most of
the hotels are just palapason the beach, with hatched roof
and sand floors. You can wake up in your palapa,have coffee
in a hammock on the beach, do some yoga and spend the
day boarding or diving in the clear blue cenotes.
We stayed at Om T ulum, a charming little spot on the
beach. At $80 a night, you can't beat it, and they have a
great happy hour drink special. If you're willing to splurge
a bit, Jose y Ana's hotel is a more luxurious option, but
with the same mellow vibe. However, with views of the
water and ocean air coming through your windows, any
palapa will do (tulum-playa.com).
For discerning palates, there are a lot of little health
food restaurants on the Tulum hotel strip, where you
can get wheatgrass smoothies and tempeh sandwiches.
But we found the best food of the whole trip at Charlie's
Restaurant in town owned by Charlie, a Yucatan native.
The authenticity of his tasty Mexican food was matched
only by his heroism: Earlier in the day I had been stung
by a stingray (note: shuffie your feet when entering the
water; mantarayas only attack if you step on them). As
soon as Charlie saw my wound he whipped up a holistic
Yucatan treatment for me.
This upscale area of the peninsula is made up primarily
of all-inclusive hotels, and if you're looking for a restful
vacation rather than an adventure excursion, this is the
place to go. Great deals on flight and hotel packages are
commonplace, and with the size of these resorts, there's
really no need to leave.
We stayed at Secrets Silversands, a four-diamond resort
outside of Puerto Morelos. I'm not normally an all-inclusive
resort kind of person, but once experienced, Puerto Morelos
is hard to leave behind. With their infinity pools, swim
up bars, and plethora of five star restaurants ( all included
in the price), this was a true vacation. There were other
queer couples there, and while you could certainly be
affectionate in public here, with the king size bed, jet tub
and room service, we had plenty of opportunities to keep
our romance inside ( secrets resorts.com/ silversands).
Playa del Cannen
Playa del Carmen is the third largest city on the Peninsula
and offered the most nightlife of anywhere so far. There
are more restaurants than you can shake a sunburned
hand at, and most of the places offer nightly drink specials.
If you speak Spanish, you may be able to talk your way
into 2-for- 1 margaritas.
During the day, there's no reason to do anything but
spend it on the beach. The tranquil teal waters were
some of the best for swimming, glass bottom boat and
snorkeling trips that leave from the light sand beaches
I had heard rumors that Playa del Carmen
was a really gay town, and we did see some
other gay folks. There is a gay bar, Playa 69,
hidden at the end of an alley. It's definitely
a local scene and it was nice to see a gay bar
again, but the dirty carpet, dimly lit bar and
"guys only" weren't as enticing as our own
thatch-roof deck.
Playa del Carmen offers a ton of lodging
options, from cheap hostels to upscale allinclusive resorts. We opted for something
in the middle-a
sweet little spot called
Playa Palms, which had a hot plate for
making quesadillas, a mini fridge for our
Tecates and our own private little balcony
(playapalms.com).
Saying adlos, or hasta luego
to the Yucatan
Twelve days was not enough Yucatan time.
We didn't even get to see the flamboyance
of flamingos in Celestun who color the sky
pink, or the colonial town of Merida. Even
with the stingray attack and nearly wrecking
our rental car on a "highway" that suddenly
disappeared, we weren't ready to leave the
Yucatan. We're hoping for another destination wedding to finish the trip. ■
llistoric Retreat
San Miguel de Allende
Northwest of Mexico City, this tourist-friendly
destination draws many a lesbian and gay
honeymooner to its charming cobblestoned
streets. By Kelsey Chauvin
~::::;
(!}
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:::)
a
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exico's beaches are an obvious draw,
south of the border, but it is in the heart of the Sierra
Madre that you'll find the charming haven of San Miguel
de Allende. About 170 miles northwest of the capital, San
Miguel is home to craftspeople, artists and musicians, as
well as a language and visual arts school and a celebrated
cooking school. All of these influences contribute to an
atmosphere that attracts thousands of visitors every year.
Some come as honeymooners from Mexico City, where
gay marriage has been legal since late 2009, but many
come just to enjoy the enchanting ambience of this World
Heritage city.
San Miguel's cobblestoned streets represent more than
four centuries of native and Spanish history. Along them
you'll find a mix of local wares, art and culinary delights,
many appealing to the most contemporary tastes. A stroll
might take you past the local bullring (with fall and spring
seasons), past the 1873 neoclassical Teatro Angela Peralta
(where you can hear everything from jazz to chamber music),
and eventually, to the town's finest bakery, Petit Four (at
Mesones 99~1, Centro). Created by the eternally sweet
Paco Cardenas Baez, Petit Four's handmade bonbons and
baked delights add to the town's culinary sensuality.
A few blocks from the town square, there's another
delectable way to experience local cuisine firsthand-at
Sazon Mexican cooking school, in the beautiful hotel Casa
de Sierra Nevada. A lesson at Sazon starts with a tour of
the town market alongside a local che£ There you'll gather
tortilla dough and other fresh ingredients as you sample
tamales, fruits and juices. (Plan for a return trip to buy
locally crafted souvenirs.)
Back at the kitchen, you'll join the chef and your class~
mates in creating something ridiculously delicious and
surprisingly simple, such as tangy sauteed cactus leaf,
lightly fried squash flowers and carnitas with guacamole so
fresh you'll think you're on an avocado farm.
Of course, there's much more comida to be found on the
winding roads of San Miguel. A gourmet experience awaits
you at gay~owned Mezzanine (mezzaninebistro.wordpress.
com), where contemporary innovation is applied to tradi~
tional dishes-such as beef filet in espresso sauce and fish
with cognac butter. Nearby, La Azotea (azoteasanmiguel.
com/la_azotea) serves delicious tapas and drinks on its
covered terrace, above the restaurant, and draws a mixed
crowd, especially as part of an unofficial gay scene.
What quickly becomes dear is that a visit to San Miguel
de Allende starts off like a cultural tour, but lives on in your
memory as a piece of your own personal journey. ■
January/February
~
2012
I 65
w tly seduces
a tropical state of mind.
lsy Chauvin
here are many dreamy tropical layers to Key
West. Its location, at the end of the coral archipelago that is the Florida Keys, is legendary for stunning
sunsets and dear blue water. But the island is more than
just a vainglorious beauty-it
is proudly independent
in spirit, welcoming one and all to soak up its lax and
luscious vibe.
And of course the gays love it. The "Conch Republic"
(that's pronounced "conk;' by the way) has a way of luring
people with bigger personalities than the average mainlander. It's been a home to treasure seekers, and thrived as
a trading post between New Orleans and Atlantic Ocean
ports. In 1982, the island even did its best to secede from
the United States, when the U.S. Border Patrol suddenly
set up roadblocks to thwart the flow of narcotics and illegal
aliens. The secession failed, but Key Westers are still flaming
proud to have, at the very least, their own conch state of
mind, if not their own republic.
Key West's official motto, "One Human Family;' promotes hospitality to all, but frankly, its lesbian and gay
community is central to its coolness. The island is home
to 26,000 residents, and manages to feel about 50 percent
queer-especially
if you hang out in the Pink Triangle
around Duval and Virginia streets. The Gay Key West
Trolley Tour ($25, gaykeywestfl.com), Saturdays at 11
a.m., is a nice introduction to the island, during which
healthy smatterings of humor and history will not interfere
with your socializing.
Another plus for LGBT travelers is that it's easy to
patronize gay-owned and -run businesses. You can't throw a
66
I curve
conch shell without hitting one of many such B&Bs, hotels
and resorts (don't let the label "resort" mislead you-the
island's too small for anything oversize). Before booking,
ladies should be aware that there are gay guesthouses that are
men-only. But most, like Cypress House (cypresshousekw.
com), Alexander's Guesthouse (alexanderskeywest.com),
and the lovely lesbian-owned Pearl's (pearlsrainbow.com),
are not exclusive and often very mixed.
You won't have to be on your honeymoon to feel lust in
your heart for the most romantic sunset views. If you want
to commune with the dusk at dinner, try SHOR Restaurant
(shorgrilLcom), a hidden gem in the Hyatt Resort on the
harbor's edge. It's surprisingly low-key for such a delectable
little west-side nook, with patio or air-conditioned dining
facing the horizon and the open-air Blue Mojito cocktail
lounge just across the pool.
Another spot you'll have to see in the evening is Mallory
Square: At its nightly Sunset Celebration, street performers
and musicians will entertain you, lending the perfect evening
just a bit more personality. The island's only high-rise is
the seven-story La Concha (laconchakeywest.com), where
sunset drinks on the rooftop are definitely in order, if only
to say that you raised a glass to Tennessee Williams at the
hotel where he wrote A Streetcar Named Desire.
The history of Key West is full of little tidbits, such as
that at one time it was the richest city in the States, and
was home to the original Margaritaville, and has more bars
that hosted Ernest Hemingway than any other city in the
world-well, maybe not. But it is dear that throwing back
cocktails rivals any water sport as the most popular form of
Curve Slept Here
Alexander's Guesthouse
Alexander's Guesthouse, an up market yet intimate gay
and lesbian resort, possesses all the desired hallmarks
of hospitality: Friendly and intelligent service; in-the-know
staff who treat you like family and yet indulge your
every whim; immaculate decor with that queer eye for
detail we crave in gay establishments; heated pool and
Jacuzzi set amongst lush tropical gardens and open
for your use 24 hours; and a continental breakfast
cornucopia featuring eggs made to order, home-baked
muffins, French toast and jugs of mimosas or Bloody
Marys. In times past, Alexander's may have seemed
more geared to gay men than women, but times have
changed: the vibe at this boutique B&B is queer and
mixed, with clothing optional times of days and for
both sexes. The vibe is indeed so welcoming, and
the quintessential Conch Republic architecture so
homey yet elegant, that it is easy for a girl to wish
she lived here or had an endless amount of time to
lounge around. But do try to pull yourself away from
this easygoing establishment to enjoy the abundant
recreation down here. To that end, be sure to spend time at Pearl's
Patio for daily drink specials and lively girl~time. And while many
of the bars and restaurants share a mixed gay and straight clientele,
there are several rainbow~flag staples, including 801 Bourbon Bar
(801bourbon.com), La Te Da (lateda.com) and Aqua Nightclub
(aquakeywest.com) for dancing.
Among its salty-but still standing-wooden Victorian homes
and bits of Miami~inspired Art Deco architecture, Key West hosts
one of the world's most exuberant Pride experiences, going strong
for seven~plus days every year in early June. Lesbians flock to
the five~day Womenfest (womenfest.com) every September, making
quite an environmental impact with their bikinis and tattoos.
Womenfest's onslaught of singers, comedians, cruises, pool parties
and dances gives Provincetown Women's Week a run for its mimosas.
Then in late October it's time to party all over again. Halloween
revelry ignites the place with the aquatic~themed and delightfully
depraved Fantasy Fest (fantasyfest.net), with costume balls, parades
and more all week.
Because it is a tropical water~wrappedpoint, Key West is primarily
a destination for all things aquatic. It is surrounded by the "flats;'
or sandbars, that, when you're boating, make for amazing little
low~tide beaches. Joining a boat ride or sail is the ultimate Conch
Republic experience and can lead to unforgettable snorkeling, fishing
and dolphin~watching adventures. Along the Harbor Walk on the
island's north shore, many independent boat owners will charter
their boats at good rates (you may even get a price break with a
bartender's referral), or you can join a set tour for anywhere from
$40 to $100, through companies like Venus Charters (venuscharters.
com) or Blue Q (bluqkeywest.com).
The most important thing, though, in the self~proclaimed
Home of the Sunset, is simple: Make sure you're ready when the
sun goes down-because after that, anything can happen. ■
local attractions. After all, Alexander's is perfectly
located in the historic Old Town district of Key West,
and a short walk to just about everything. There
is, however, one delightful distraction: Alexander's
complimentary poolside happy hour. There is nothing
better than floating in the pool sipping one of Charlie's
dirty martinis and frolicking with your girl. But those Key
West sunsets are legendary, and beckon love-struck
lesbians they do. We highly recommend peeling
yourself away from Alexander's to take the romantic
and relaxed Wind & Wine Sunset Sail (dangercharters.
com). But first, let's finish that dirty martini and take
another dip. (a!exanderskeywest.com)
[MerrynJohns]
January/February
2012
I 67
orn and raised in Buffalo, N.Y., I could list
a variety of reasons why the "City of Good Neighbors" is
often unjustly overlooked as a unique and affordable travel
destination. But instead of climbing up on my soapbox,
let me take you on a little tour around my backyard, my
city-which is even more attractive as a destination since
2011's Marriage Equality Act, a New York State law
that allows gender-neutral marriages for both same- and
opposite-sex couples.
Things To Do•
Cultural
Wonders
We lesbians often like to immerse ourselves in independent
music, art and culture-three things that Buffalo is known
for. After all, Ani Difranco grew up here.
You can start your cultural adventure at the Darwin
Martin House, an architectural gem designed by the incomparable Frank Lloyd Wright. Witnessing his talent for
design and innovation with your own eyes is a one-of-akind experience.
Buffalo is also home to both the Burchfield Penney Art
Center and the Albright- Knox Art Gallery. The Burchfield
Penney is the first art museum in New York State to be
certified by the U.S. Green Building Council's Leadership
in Energy and Environmental Design. It was specifically
designed to interact with the art on display and enhance
68
I curve
your viewing experience. Many regional artists are featured
throughout the museum, including Charles E. Burchfield
himsel£ Located right across the street is the AlbrightKnox, an art gallery that is nationally recognized for its
artistic history and long-standing dedication to modern
art. You'll find everything from photography and sculpture
to artwork from some of the most celebrated artists of all
time, including Monet and Picasso. For fans of contemporary art, Hallwalls Contemporary Arts Center is located in
Babeville-a rehabbed-church-turned-event-venue
developed by none-other-than Ani DiFranco. Righteous Babe
Records is located there, too.
I've seen many wonderful Broadway shows and musicals
at Shea's Performing Arts Center. My grandmother took
me there to see Guysand Dollswhen I was 10 and I've been
a theater fan ever since. I've also had the pleasure of seeing
Sarah Mclachlan perform live at Shea's. The acoustics gave
me goose bumps. There's also the Buffalo United Artists
Theater, which is an off-Broadway performance center
dedicated to showcasing LGBT artists, playwrights and
performers. This year, the BUA will be celebrating its
20-year anniversary.
In order to get a good feel for Buffalo's diverse vibe and
community, simply take a walk through the Elmwood
Village and Allentown district. You'll find plenty of
boutiques, coffee shops, independent bookstores and
restaurants to keep you busy for hours. Down by the
waterfront, Lake Erie's cool breeze will wash over you
as you stroll along the water's edge. Speaking of water,
Buffalo is only a short drive to Niagara Falls-a natural
wonder that can't even be described in words. Add in all of
the art and food festivals and special events that take place
in the city throughout the year, and the question quickly
becomes "what not to dot
Where to Stay • Go Big Or Go Home
Buffalo is a city with a small town feel. It doesn't matter
where you choose to stay while you're here, because you'll
be dose to everything. The Mansion on Delaware Avenue
is an upscale, top-rated hotel featuring stately rooms and
European-style design, perfect for grand-style weddings
and events. During your stay, enjoy award-winning food
and beverage as well as 24-hour personalized butler service.
Down the road a bit, you'll find Embassy Suites-newly
constructed and built according to 'green'' construction
standards. The hotel is situated in the Avant, a gorgeously
aesthetic mixed-use building in Buffalo's thriving business
and entertainment district. Lastly, the Hampton Inn and
Suites is comfortable and convenient, being within walking
distance of the theater district and HSBC Arena, home of
the Buffalo Sabres.
Where to Eat • Bountiful Buffalo
There is no shortage of great food in Buffalo. From local
staples like "beef on week" ( roast beef on kummelweck
roll) to our world-famous chicken wings, there are many
different local pubs and fine restaurants to choose from. I'm
partial to Betty's Restaurant, a quaint little restaurant and
cafe located in the Elmwood district. It's a gay-friendly spot
known for its sunny disposition, funky and friendly staff
and wholesome food. (I highly recommend their breakfast.)
Vegetarians and vegans alike can get their food fix at Merge,
a local eatery dedicated to sustainable and organic food
options as well as to preserving local music and art in the
Buffalo area. If you're looking for a fine-dining experience,
Hutch's Restaurant and Tempo are considered premier
dining destinations. There's also Mother's Restaurant and
Allen Street Hardware Cafe, which are both located right
in the middle of Allentown-the 'gay" side of town.
Where the Girls Are • Righteous
Babes
Of course, I know where the girls are- I live here. You can
start in the Allentown district at Roxy's, our most popular
lesbian dub featuring high-energy DJs, live music, karaoke
and "Coyote Ugly Night:' If you love to dance and mingle
with the many colors of the LGBT rainbow, Club Marcella
is the place to go. From Thursday to Sunday, you can enjoy
dub music, theme parties and events, and live eclectic performances. But if you're looking for something more low-key,
Nietzsche's is a dim-lit and laidback bar that showcases live
bands and folk musicians. Melissa Ferrick, among others,
loves performing at Nietzsche's.
Where to Tie the Knot • Wedding Belles
Now that New York State has legalized gay marriage,
there's even more reason to come to Buffalo. You can plan
a memorable and affordable wedding rather easily. One-ofa-kind wedding venues include Babeville (DiFranco's own
event venue), Buffalo and Erie County Botanical Gardens,
Burchfield Penny Art Center, the Buffalo and Erie County
Historical Society, Delaware Park, Shea's Performing Arts
Center and the Statler Ballroom at the historic Statler
Hotel. Of course, you also have the option of holding your
wedding ceremony and reception in Niagara Falls, N.Y.
Rainbow Bells and the Falls Wedding Chapel both cater to
same-sex wedding couples.
How to Get There • Shuffle Off
American Airlines (American Eagle) flies to Buffalo and
the Buffalo Niagara International Airport is small and
easy to navigate, with the city only a short 15-minute drive
away. Both the bus and the Amtrak station are located
downtown. For additional travel advice, LGBT wedding
information and details, and directions to all of Buffalo's
famous hotspots-visit the Buffalo Niagara Convention &
Visitors Bureau (visitbuffaloniagara.com). Hopefully, I'll
see you around town. ■
Go Buffalo:
Shea's (from
left), AlbrightKnox Art
Gallery and
the Mansion
on Delaware
January/February
2012
I 69
Island Thne
Attention, snowbirds! The U.S. and British
Virgin Islands are calling. By Allison Steinberg
re you daydreaming about floating in warm,
turquoise waters while sipping on a sweet
beverage served in a coconut? Are your toes
tired of winter boots and craving soft, white sand? The
Virgin Islands are the answer to your paradise prayers!
Located in the Lesser Antilles, the cluster of islands that
make up the Virgin Islands are ideally located between the
Atlantic and the Caribbean just south of Puerto Rico. The
three southwest islands in the chain-St. Thomas, St.John
and St. Croix-form the United States Virgin Islands, and
Anegada, Tortola,Jost Van, Virgin Gorda as well as dozens
of other, tiny islands make up the British Virgin Islands
just to the northeast.
Don't let the name fool you; you don't need to be chaste
in the Virgin Islands. In fact, this chain of British and
American-owned islands is more LG BT-friendly than just
about anywhere else in the Caribbean. Its virginal aspects
refer to the pristine landscape, the preserved parklands, the
beautiful, clean beaches, and the colorful coral reefs. While
the Virgin Islands are more lesbian-friendly than most other
Caribbean destinations because of its history of predominantly American and British ownership, it's worth mentioning
that there is still"island mentality" which means the culture
is not as open as some of the places we might be accustomed to. That said, you don't have to worry about asking
for the single king bed or engaging in that much-desired
ocean wrestling match, but you might want to be more
aware of your surroundings than you would normally be
in say San Francisco or New York. The U.S. Virgin Islands,
and St. Croix in particular, are known to be more open
towards lesbians than the British Virgin Islands.
St. Thomas is a great starting point for your virginal
ventures. Daily flights coming in from just about every major
airline means that St. Thomas is your best bet for cheaper
airfare. JetBlue's new service from San Juan and Boston
(with connections available from New York and points
beyond) is bringing even cheaper deals into the region).
You can opt to spend your trip in St. Thomas, but it's also
the most developed of all the islands in the chain and
not necessarily the most alluring. Your time in St. Thomas
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might be best spent on a 20-minute cab ride, which offers
pretty vistas as you drive through the mountain and traverse
the whole island, to the ferry dock, where you can catch a
short and cheap boat ride to one of several stunning islands.
You can opt to pack light and not bring your passport,
which limits you to the U.S. Virgin Islands, St. John or St.
Croix, both of which are excellent vacation destinations on
their own. Franklin D. Roosevelt designated 60 percent
of St. John Island as Federal Reserve, which means miles
of untouched forest, beach and wildlife. Wild donkeys
and goats serenade you in the mountains and unmatched
snorkeling awaits you on the shores down below. Some of
the world's most beautiful beaches are located on St. John,
including the much-acclaimed Trunk Bay, with soft white
sand and crystal clear water. The whole island has the feel
of a five-star Key West; American, quirky, LGBT-friendly.
St. John's Inn is a lesbian-friendly boutique hotel right in
downtown St. John. With affordable rates and easy access
to the shops and restaurants, it's a great option for your stay.
Hidden Reef Eco-Tours is an LG BT-friendly tour company
on St. John that will make your kayak and snorkel dreams
come true.
St. Croix is the best-known lesbian-friendly island in the
chain. Though the height of LGBT vitality and nightlife
was actually in the '60s and '70s and has since dwindled,
this beautiful island still boasts the most accepting escape
for same-sex snorkeling and other such gay activities in the
Virgin Islands. The best-known lesbian hotel is Sand Castle
on the Beach, a beachfront property that rents studios,
suites and villas. Palms at Pelican Cove is another popular
hotel where the queers flock, and a place to consider for
your destination wedding or honeymoon needs. If you're
looking to get married in St. Croix, Wedding St. Croix,
a company run by an LGBT-loving captain and minister,
can help you with your knot-tying needs. Dorscht Beach
is the most popular gateway to the Caribbean in St. Croix
and the best spot for lesbian-watching. If adventure calls,
St. Croix Ultimate Bluewater Adventures and Venture Out
are two LGBT tour companies in St. Croix that will guide
you through underwater thrills.
The Charlotte Amalie section of St. Thomas, known
as "Frenchtown;' is where the most LGBT businesses are
located. Epernay is a cute wine bar and the upstairs area,
Stereo, is the best-known spot where both gay men and
women go on Friday and Saturday nights to party. There
are no lesbian-only bars or clubs in the Virgin Islands, but
that doesn't mean you can't start the party! A lot of places
see diverse crowds and are more tolerant towards lesbians
than their Caribbean counterparts. If you're on the prowl
for a party mate in the Virgin Islands, you can always take
the mystery out of whether you might meet someone and
browse (onegoodlove.com/vi) before you even go to connect
with singles in the area.
Purple Roofs, an online search engine for LGBT-owned
A 7-NIGIIT STAY AT
Sand Castle On the Beach
Simone and Sheryl are celebrating their 10th anniversary as
owners of an amazing beachfront haven in Frederiksted, St
Croix. This boutique apartment-hotel is perched right on the edge
of paradise with uninterrupted ocean vistas, point blank sunset
views and a perfect crescent of white sand to stroll along with
your loved one. Choose from 21 air-conditioned guestrooms and
enjoy the many facilities such as gym, poolside bar and lounge,
library, coffee shop, and grills, plus complimentary wireless. The
restaurant serves breakfast, lunch and dinner, and is winner of the
2011 Wine Spectator's Award of Excellence. If you prefer to relax
you can (you may want to build your own sand castle). Or Simone
and Sheryl can arrange tours and watersports. Either way, raise
your glass to a decade in lesbian hospitality. For packages, or to
inquire about your own lesbian wedding, commitment ceremony,
honeymoon or anniversary, go to sandcastleonthebeach.com.
To win a seductive 7-night stay, go to curvemag.com.
and friendly places to stay, is an excellent resource for finding
that perfect pad in the Virgin Islands. You can choose to
stay at one of the lesbian-friendly hotels or rent your own
villa or apartment. Surprisingly, it's sometimes cheaper to
get your own place than to book a hotel room, which then
gives you private access to a full kitchen, living room, patio
or yard and more importantly, the ultimate privacy for you
and your sweetie, or gaggle of gals. And with all of the
commanding mountains in the Virgin Islands, many of the
villas are located at higher altitudes with beautiful vistas.
If you prefer to see the Virgin Islands by private boat,
Paradise Connections is a lesbian-friendly charter yacht
brokerage based in St. Thomas. They offer a variety of sail
and power yachts for different budgets. You can always hop
on a $5 ferry to check out Tortola or one of the British
Virgin Islands for the day if you have your passport handy
and a curiosity to see more stunning beaches and superior
snorkeling.
Whether you prefer the convenience of a hotel or the
exclusivity of a villa; the adventure of snorkeling around a
coral reef or the relaxation of sunbathing in the soft white
sands; the calm of a romantic dinner with your partner or
the excitement of a party night out with your gal pals,
the Virgin Islands present a piece of paradise that should
absolutely be on your vacation radar! ■
January/February
2012
I 71
REVIEWSIn The Stacks
Now and Then
Non-fiction works tackle the LGBT experience of past and present. By Rachel Pepper
yoga teacher. And after that, there was
no turning back from her newly rekindled
lust for the opposite sex.
Calling this a bisexual memoir instead
of "confessions of a boy~crazy lesbian"
might have been more accurate, since
Azzoni has had relationships with men
before. Nevertheless, it was the shocking
suddenness of her feelings for men after
10 years of dating women that caught her
off guard. This sent her into a year~long,
man~chasing mania in which she made all
kinds of bad choices, took foolish chances
and scrambled to find her equilibrium-all
the while hoping for some good sex, a little
love and the right kind of partner, regard~
less of gender. In the meantime, she called
her lesbian friends for advice and fought
off a recurring nightmare that revealed her
ambiguity about her "double life;' in which
she is accused of being a traitor to the lesbian
community and forced to lock lips with
Ashton Kutcher.
After more than a few mishaps, which
Azzoni details in a hilarious, frenzied, self~
mocking style, Azzoni meets Theo. The
Obejas, Carol Anshaw, Karen Lee Osborne,
WindyCity Queer:LGBTQDispatchesfrom Sharon Bridgforth, E. Patrick Johnson, and a calm foil for her zany ways, Theo is a chef
the ThirdCoast,editedby KathieBergquist whole host of emerging writers all of whose about to leave for a 6~month stint in Paris.
(University
of Wisconsin
Press):Chicago is combined individual merits and awards As Azzoni tries to sort out the huge shift
often overlooked when coastal queers rave could not fit on this page. The book is she's made in her life, and her strong feel~
about how fabulous their locales are. And
divided loosely by category into six sec~ ings for Theo, she is able to find the humor
yet, the Windy City, the Midwest's largest
tions including "Emergence;' which recalls in her rather odd predicament. Out with
metropolis and home to an enormous
the shaping of Chicago's queer identity; "In a friend at the Cattyshack lesbian bar in
LGBT population, is one of the country's
Transit;' which includes literary rides on Brooklyn, she looks around and says to her
friend, "I miss this ... I miss the feeling of a
most vibrant cities for queer life. Editor
the famous El, and "Hooking Up;' which
Kathie Bergquist knows her city's literary
Bergquist writes, captures the "euphoria of room full of women. I miss the flirtation. I
miss the line dancing night. I miss you. But
LGBT scene better than most, having
new love, the itch of lust and the profound
worked in both its feminist and queer
ache of regret:' All give a flavor of the town's I miss Theo too. You'd really like him. He
makes fun of me like you do:'
bookstores, and she's written prior books
special treats.
about her long term, adopted hometown.
Although Azzoni is cagey about her
Capturing a wide range of voices and experi~ A YearStraight:Confessions
of a Boy-Crazy current sexuality (her publicist states that
ences, Bergquist has assembled a collection
lesbian BeautyQueen,ElenaAzzoni(Seal Azzoni's orientation is "in love"), this is a
that will make her town proud. Windy City Press):Elena Azzoni was more than a card~ book easily enjoyed by straight women,
Queer: LGBTQ Dispatches from the Third carrying New York City lesbian. She was, in bisexual women and lesbians-because
every woman knows the feeling of surviving
Coast, is the first ever literary collection of fact, crowned "Miss Lez 2007" and appeared
Chicago's gay finest and includes poems,
in the "I Heart Brooklyn Girls" calendar. bad dates, feeling lonely, enjoying sex,
performance texts, memoirs and essays Then, giving credence to the idea that sexu~ surviving bad sex, and hoping to meet the
from well known writers such as Achy ality is fluid, she got the hots for her male person you know is "right" for you. ■
721
curve
REMEMBERINGLESBIANPUBLISHINGMOGUL BARBARA GRIER
"homophile"press.In 1956,
underground
whenDelMartinandPhyllisLyonfounded
of Bilitis,theyaddeda newsletter,
Daughters
TheLadder,whichbecamethe first lesbian
magazinein the U.S.andfor whichGrier
wrotebookreviewsandotherarticlesunder
pennames.
TheLadderbeganwith a mailinglist
of 175-friends andloversof the women
workingon it. In 1968,Griertookoveras
lesbianactivist
editorfrom Philadelphia
BarbaraGittings.Shegrewthe publicationto
a mailinglist of 3,800anddoubledits sizeto
of at the time.Shealso
48 pages-unheard
transformedit intoa morelesbian-feminist,
newsmagazine.
politicallyprogressive
ThechangesGrierwroughtin the brownmagazinecausedfriction
paper-wrapped
activistand
BarbaraGrier,lesbianpublisher,
andfinancialbackingwaswithdrawn.But
Fla.
archivist,diedNov.1Oin Tallahassee,
in 1971,in the waningdaysof TheLadder,
from lungcancer,accordingto herpartner
GriermetMcBride,the womanshereferred
DonnaMcBride.Shewas78.
to as "the loveof my life."Theywere
I first metBarbaraGrierwhenI was19.
together40 years,untilGrier'sdeath.Grier
Shehada soft,mellifluousvoice,but her
saidshenevercouldhavebuilt herlesbian
wordspackeda punch.Shewasfondof
literaryempirewithoutMcBride.
saying,"I don't sufferfools gladly."Tothe
In 1973,after TheLadderfolded,Grier,
mindof Grier,there
tough Midwestern-bred
co-foundedNaiadBooks(later,Naiad
werean intolerablenumberof foolsin the
Press).WhenGrierandMcBrideretired
worldandsheoftentookthemon.
in 2003,Naiadwasthe world'slargest
I interviewedheroften,first for my
lesbianpublisherwith a stableof over100
lesbianradioprogram"AmazonCountry"at
authors.It wasstartedwith $2,000by Grier,
andfor a rangeof
in Philadelphia,
WXPN-FM
McBride,MurielCrawfordandCrawford's
includingTheAdvocate,OUT,
publications,
partner,AnydaMarchant,whosenovelThe
Shechoseme
curve andMs.magazine.
becameNaiad'sfirst title.
Latecomer,
for Before
to be her"official"biographer
WhenTheLadderwasshuttered,Grierhad
Activistsfor GayandLesbian
Stonewall:
beenaccusedof stealingits covetedmailing
Rightsin HistoricalContext.
list,of whichtherewereonlytwo typewritten
queer
in
point
pivotal
a
Grierlivedat
copies.Almostnoneof the womenonthe list
history.Shewasdestinedto be a mover
she'dtaken
wereout.Grieracknowledged
At 12
andshakerof historicproportions.
it andthat list becamethe basisfor Naiad's
sheheadedto the locallibraryto lookup
earlybookdistribution,sincebookstores
to her
Shethenannounced
"homosexuals."
mother-whomshetoldmehadbeenreading wereunwillingto carrylesbianbooks.
Grieralwayshada pointof view,always
while
RadclyffeHall'sTheWellof Loneliness
believedshewasrightandwasalways
pregnantwith her-that shewasa homoWithouthervisionanddrive,
passionate.
sexual."BecauseMotherandI werealways
openwith eachother,I told her immediately. lesbianliteraturemightnot bewhatit is
Mothersaid sinceI was a woman,I wasn't today-vibrant, out of the closet,diverseand
Grierwantedbooksfor lesbians
accessible.
a homosexual,I was a lesbian.Shealso
to readandshefoundlesbiansto write
saidI was a little youngto makethis decithem.Shewantedbooksfor 12-year-old
sionandwe shouldwait six monthsto tell
girlsgoingto the libraryto discoverthemthe newspapers."
selves;shewantedbooksfor older,closeted
Grierwaited,but not long.At 18 shewas
womenin the Midwest.Shewantedlesbians
backat the library,this time wooingthe
in printanddid everythingin
represented
librarian,a woman20 yearshersenior,with
her powerto makethat happen.
whomshewouldspendthe next20 years.
Naiadpublishedsomeof the best-known
A decadelater,Grierwaswritingundera
lesbianwritersof the past25 years,like
for whatwasthenthe
seriesof pseudonyms
KatherineForrest,whoseCuriousWineis
of the
the mostground-breaking
considered
"new"lesbianfictionandwasthefirst lesbian
novelto goto audio.Griertooka chanceon
SarahSchulmanandothernewwriters.
andprolificnovelistsAward-winning
BarbaraWilson,LeeLych,IsabelleMiller,
ValerieTaylor,KarinKallmaker-put lesbian
fictiononthe literarymap.ThelatephotographerandartistTeeCorinnecreatedthe
first 30 of Naiad'searlybookcovers.
Grier'slife-longpassionas an archivistof
lesbianwritingled herto reviveout-of-print
lesbianpoetry,memoirsandfictionincluding
pulpnovelsof the 1940s,50sand60sbyAnn
Bannon,JaneRuleandGaleWilhelm.Grier
reprintedthe workof ReneeVivien,Natalie
Barney'sloveranda memberof the 1920s
Parisianlesbianset.Grieralsopublished
GertrudeStein's"LiftingBelly,"whichStein
hadbeenunwillingto publishin her lifetime
dueto its overtlesbiancontent.
In 1985,GrierpublishedLesbianNuns:
BreakingSilence,a compendiaof over50
piecesby currentand
autobiographical
formernuns.Griertold meshepaida half
Kurb
Rosemary
millionto the author/editors,
ex-nuns.Thebook
andNancyManahan,
wasbanned
creatednationalcontroversy,
in BostonandGriercameunderfire for
allowingexcerptsto be printedin Penthouse
Grierwenton newsprograms
magazine.
discussingthe importanceof lesbianwriting.
WhenGrierandMcBrideretiredin 2003,
theysoldNaiadto BellaBooks.Manyformer
Naiadwriterscontinueto publishthere.
the Naiad
In 1992Grierestablished
Collectionat the JamesC.HormelGayand
LesbianCenterof the SanFranciscoPublic
Library.It tooktwo vansto transportthe
andothermemobooks,letters,magazines
rabilia.It is the largestcollectionof lesbian
lettersin the world.
Noteveryonelikedher-she couldbe
gruffandhaddecidedthatfilteringherwords
Sheworked20 hourdays
wasunnecessary.
herentirelife andlovedeverysecondof it.
Shewasa declarativevoicefor lesbiansover
the courseof six decadesandfor thoseof us
whoknewher,shewasa figureto emulatefor heractivism,driveandpassion.
Forrestsaidof Grier'spassing,"It would
be hardto imaginea moresignificantfigure
of lesbian
in the growthanddevelopment
publishingthanBarbaraGrier.Ora moretoweringandcentralfigurein lesbianculture.We
A.Brownworth]
havelosta giant."[Victoria
January/February 2012
I 73
REVIEWSMusic Watch
HarmoniousChutzQah
Brooklyn-based queercore band The Shondes have emerged out of the depths of hardship
with a new album and new Joie de vivre. By Rashida Harmon
There's an old Yiddish proverb that goes,
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him
your plans:' When Brooklyn-based queercore band, The Shondes, first formed in
2006, it's safe to say that a label breakup and
a stolen van were not a part of the agenda.
While those two misfortunes alone might
have caused a band with less moxy to jump
ship, The Shondes endured another harrowing blow when they were forced to
abruptly cancel their European tour following
violinist Elijah Oberman being diagnosed
with cancer.
Neither uncertainty nor disease proved
a match for this tough-as-nails quartet,
who channeled all of this year's discord
74
I curve
into their new album Searchlights.
Considering the context in which it was
could have (justifiably)
written, Searchlights
been heavy on the angst. Instead, the album
is a refreshing display of sentimental pop
songs full of wistful-yet-danceable melodies, which represent the band's conscious
choice to step away from the more experimental songwriting styles they've attempted
in the past.
"I think we wanted to make songs that
were comforting to us and that felt like
songs that would help us survive through
the ambiguity and the scary parts;' says
singer-bassist Louisa Solomon.
Longtime fans of the band need not
panic-Searchlights still manages to stay
true to The Shondes' musical roots, which
borrow equally from the riot grrrl sounds of
the '90s and Jewish klezmer music. Radical
Judaism is central to the group's identity.
They make Rosh Hashanah dinner on the
road-even if the absence of a table means
they have to eat it on the floor-and their
name is derived from the Yiddish word for
"shame:'
While Searchlightsdoesn't deliver any
of the pro-Palestine political anthems the
group has become known for, The Shondes
refuse to abandon their activist slant, even
as their music and lyrics begin to evolve. "I
don't think anyone wants to be branded in
a limited way as a girl band, or as a queer
band, or as a Jewish band, or whatever," says
Solomon. "But certainly to the extent that
our identities and our politics are reflected
in our music and are important to our fans
to see people onstage that reflect their
communities or reflect their beliefs-in
that sense it's not something that we would
shy away from talking about:'
After
taking
some
much~needed
time off to recover and recharge, The
Shondes are currently touring in support
of Searchlights.The group has embraced
their much~anticipated return to the road,
hitting some of their favorite venues
across the country. "Coming back to those
places always sort of feels like visiting
family and seeing friends and family from
around the country that we haven't seen
Neither uncertainty nor
disease proved a match
for this tough-as-nails
quartet, who channeled
all of this year's discord
into their new album
Searchlights.
in a year or so," says Solomon. "It's all very
home~y feeling and comfortable and people
are really warm and inviting. It sort of
makes us cry. We're very touched by it:'
Without the support of their fans, the
Searchlightstour might not have even been
possible. After their tour van was stolen in
March of this year, The Shondes' devoted
fans raised approximately $11,000 in
17 days through the fundraising website
Kickstarter. As a reward to those who
helped out, parts of the new van are labeled
with donors' names.
Driving on those long stretches of
highway, it's not unusual to hear some~
thing like, "Honk the Cheyenne horn" or
"Grab it out of the Gina glove box" -the
comedy of which is not lost on the band
members. "Even though it's hilarious, it
actually is also really heartwarming," says
Solomon. "It means every time we get in
the van, we're reminded of the fact that
our fans pulled through in an amazing
way in the clutch ... and allowed us to keep
doing what we love to do:' (shondes.com)■
HEARWHAT YOU'VE BEENMISSING...
Cheley Tackett smusic is the aching truth.
She'll hum in your bones for days. The songs
dare us to live more deeply, prod us to spit out
the truth, and let life take us to the edge of
what we know. Kelly F, Rochester, NY
Cheley's music is the
best kind of storytelling.
It breaks your heart, but
leaves you wanting more.
Jenny T., Sydney, Australia
Cheley s lyrics touch all aspects of life.
She'll rock you with one song,
then bring you to tears on the next.
Beautiful and captivating!
Therese B., Baton Rouge, LA
Cheley Tackett invades my soul.
She reminds you about where you came from,
where you are, and where you're going.
Jenn T., Indianapolis, IN
When Tackett sings and plays her music,
you 're not just hearing a good song,
you 're invited into a conversation
with the person who wrote it.
Joyce A., Buckholts, TX
Cheley Tackett is a soulful songsmith whose lyrical insights
are perfectly paired with her impressive vocals.
A must for any musical connoisseur. Trisha K., Bluffton, SC
The first time I heard Cheley Tackett I was spell-bound.
I dare any listener to attempt an escape! Her vocals,
lyrics and guitar craft are an intoxicating package.
I've had the "Tackett hangover" ever since,
don't find me a cure! Jae A., London, UK
Cheley s music is spiritual and passionate with lyrics and
an unparalleled intonation that cut right to the core of
a huge range of human emotion. Ruth D., Gulf Shores, AL
Cheley Tackett is lyrically delicious, with
powerhouse pipes to match.
Connie H., Champaign, IL
Everything Cheley Tackett sings and writes
is real and honest. All it takes is one song
to get hooked into her raw emotion and
brilliant lyrics. Gina G., Wilmington, NC
Ahh ..fresh air. Cheley Tackett, a true original.
The REAL deal. Thom B., Scottsdale, AZ
Her sexy voice, heart touching lyrics and
complex melodies belong in a music genre
all her own! Bridget H., Boston, MA
Tackett's music is the quintessential mix of tough and tender,
introspective and lighthearted. Her songs are raw, powerful and
sweet but always just right. Jamie-Sue S., Lansing, MI
Tackett has mastered the rare gift
of blending hauntingly beautiful lyrics
with subtle, layered melodies.
Her songs are timeless and stand out
like a beacon to those of us
who love music.
Laurie H., Dallas, TX
Cheleys music is pure perfection!
Priscilla J, Santee, CA
MUSIC
V\/V\/V\/
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January/February
2012
I 75
REVIEWSFood
A Queer CuQQa
From sourcing to roasting to packaging, these lesbians know their java. By Constance Parten
the fair trade mission. So having
a fair trade coffee shop felt totally
in sync with my values. After several years at my cafe, I wanted to
do new things, so in 2010, I sold
my cafe to go full time as a coffee
roaster and opened up a small
fair trade coffee roastery just
outside of Northampton. The
whole Gay Coffee concept evolved
soon afterwards.
How can our morning brew and afternoon
pick-me-up be inherently lesbian? What
makes one brand of coffee more lesbian
than another? Meet the lesbian entrepreneurs who are helming small businesses
based on just that idea.
Whatwas the inspirationfor GayCoffee?
A Cupof GayCoffeeWithMelissaKrueger
Howdidyoubeginyourcoffeecareer?
I got started in coffee about 10 years ago,
working part time at a local coffee shop
near Smith College, where I was finishing
up a nine-year undergraduate adventure in
cultural anthropology. After I graduated,
I had the opportunity to open a small coffee
shop and after begging everyone I knew for
money, I opened the Elbow Room Cafe
on Green Street in Northampton, Mass.
We were the first 100 percent fair trade,
organic cafe on Smith campus-which
back in '04 was cutting edge. As an anthropology student, I had spent about nine
months living and working in Central
America in my early 20s, which really informed my commitment to the principles of
76
I curve
A discussion with friends about gay marriage, transgender rights and the concept
of LGBT issues reaching a tipping point
in the mainstream culture. We were all
drinking coffee-which I am always doing
since I'm a coffee roaster-and
I said
something like, "Look! Even this coffee is
gay!" which got us all going on it. I started
thinking up what good names for gay coffee would be. I'd read Stone Butch Blues in
college so I was like, Yeah, we could have
Stone Butch Breakfast Blend and call it
untouchably delicious! So it started out
as a bit of fun, and over a period of a few
months, I kept coming back to the idea of
creating Gay Coffee, which evolved into
more discussions around challenging stereotypes, integrating cultural and historical
themes and using humor as a vehicle for
education. By May, when gay marriage
was legalized in New York, I had that a-ha
moment of enthusiasm, and support from
my friends and family that pushed the idea
into action.
Can coffee really be gay? What about it
makesit gay?
I love this question. I like to think up a different reason coffee is gay each time I'm
asked, just for "ha-has:' I think the whole
idea of"Gay Coffee"
operates on several
levels at once. On
one level, the concept 1s to fuse
coffee-the
world's
most conversational
and stimulating beverage-with
humor
and education. Gay
Coffee takes stereotypes that we are all
familiar with, has
fun with them, owns
them and complements the wink and
chuckle with a nod
to LG BT cultural
and civil rights history on each bag. Our
packaging is meant to inspire visually, to
be fun and different, and to create a moment
to learn and converse-over
coffee, of
course! I am always amazed when someone reads the back of our Good Morning
Mary roast and says, "Wow! I didn't know
that!" So in this way Gay Coffee is really
Everybody's Coffee. As an entrepreneur, I
am inspired by and believe in the concept of
socially responsible business practices. My
professional coffee career has been guided
by the values of the fair trade movement,
which is why we are and have always been
a 100 percent fair trade company.
Since Gay Coffee draws its inspiration
from the LGBT community, it made sense
to integrate Gay Coffee with supporting
that community. So our taking off point
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for this is to donate a percentage of our sales to the
Task Force. This is just the beginning. I think there
is great potential for Gay Coffee to support all kinds
of LGBT groups and organizations, from high school
campuses to international efforts. We just did our very
first fundraiser for the Smith College Women's Ice
Hockey team!
Verycleverpackaging.Wheredoesthe inspirationfor
the designcomefrom?
Thank you! It took a village to make Gay Coffee.
The label design was a joint effort between myself
and graphic designer Maria Kogan of Fluent Vision
Design. Maria created our retro look and logo to
complement our historical theme. The roast names and
themes came from my busy brain. My friend Daniel
Rivers, who is an LGBT historian I met at Smith College,
wrote the copy for the back of each label. And good
friends volunteered to pose for Stone Butch Breakfast
Gay Coffee takes stereotypes
that we are all familiar with,
has fun with them, owns them
and complements the wink
and chuckle with a nod to
LGBT cultural and civil rights
history on each bag.
Blend and Red Hanky Roast for pizza and beer. We
shot the pictures in a garage using an RV as the ward~
robe changing room. The whole thing was a total riot.
WhatdoyoulikeaboutNorthampton?
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Northampton is pretty well known for a vibrant lesbian
community-who
could forget that memorable Barbara
Walters special back in the '90s. I think my connection
to the local lesbian and queer community is very fluid
and normative in my day~to~day life, which is one of the
amazing privileges of living in such a tolerant place.
My cafe was a very queer positive space and I have
carried these connections into my new business ven~
tures. I am incredibly lucky to live in a place and time
where there is such a strong and supportive lesbian
and allied community. And a major part of what is so
amazing about this area is the integration of straight,
gay, lesbian, trans, queer, everyone here who has found
common ground as people who know and respect each
other. (gaycoffee.com)■
The Coffee Goddesses
After periods of unemployment, Jane McLaughlin and
Gussie von Wellsheim found themselves working for a
small-batch specialty coffee roaster. Working together
was so satisfying that they decided to strike out on their
own and create Carpe Diem Coffee Roasting Company.
They start with all-Arabica beans acquired from a reputable broker, small batch roast them and package the
beans in foil-laminated, pressure valve bags to guarantee
post-roasting freshness. "We don't take short cuts," says
McLaughlin. "We roast each varietal separately and then
blend. We fill orders as they come in. We don't warehouse
our roasted or bagged coffee."
The company is small-just McLaughlin and von
Wellsheim and one other employee. "Sometimes it's
pretty intense around Carpe Diem while we work to get
our orders fulfilled on time," adds von Wellsheim, who is
very selective about who sells their product. "We don't
sell to big grocery stores because we can't bear to see the
quality suffer by the necessary warehousing inherent in the
grocery store business," she explains. "We want someone
to enjoy the same quality whether they buy a cup in a cafe
in Bar Harbor, Maine or a hotel in Delray, Fla."
With Carpe Diem located in North Berwick, Maine, "not
exactly a lesbian Mecca,"
notes McLaughlin, the town
nevertheless suits them.
"Our community is not
necessarily gay or straight
based. We make no secret
of our being two gay
women. We enjoy a sense
of belonging by the whole
town and every day we are
grateful for everyone's support of Carpe Diem Coffee
Roasting Company."
(carpediemcoffee.com) ■
January/February
2012
I 77
REVIEWSSapphic Screen
Bloodand Honey
AngelinaJolie's powerful directorialdebut. By Jillian Eugenics
The film In The Land of Blood and Honey
has Angelina Jolie's fingerprints all over it,
even though she never appears onscreen.
Written, produced and directed by Jolie,
the story is told in the way I imagine Jolie
would tell stories-she isn't going to hold
your hand, she won't spare the gory details
and she isn't afraid to let you in on the
darker side of things.
The film is set during Bosnia's civil war,
which raged from 1992 to 1995 and follows
Ajla ( Zana Marjanovic), a Bosnian Muslim
and her relationship with Danijel (Goran
Kostic), a Christian Serbian officer. It's an
especially poignant role for Kostic, as his
father, Goran Kostic, was an officer in the
Serb Army during the war.
Before the war, Ajla and Danijel were
lovers. Like much of Bosnia, they enjoyed
nights out with twirls on a dance floor. Then
quickly, suddenly, there was chaos. Jolie has
done an excellent job of highlighting the
humanity of people suddenly caught up in
war-the
confusion, the abrupt violence,
the unraveling of one's reality that follows
witnessing their friends and neighbors
being shot.
78
I curve
Ajla and Danijel find themselves caught
up in the thick of the conflict-on opposing
sides. Ajla's incarceration at a rape camp is
particularly horrifying in a film that does
not shy away from bleakness. That's not
to say there are no moments of lightness,
though they're hard to come by; the film
features an especially gentle love scene that's
all soft skin and bright white sheets, making
for a stark contrast to the desolate gray of
the landscapes and the terrors of war.
In the Land of Bloodand Honey makes for
a strange holiday season release but perhaps
Jolie believes that families should see this
film now, and the stark contrast of holiday
jolliness with mass genocide only helps to
bring her point home. She certainly intends
for this film to be seen by a wide audience,
as it was shot in both English and a local
Bosnian,Croatian,Serbian
language. The
cast is all local actors, many of whom were
children during the conflict.
For those not familiar with the Bosnian
War, do yourself a favor and brush up on
your history before heading to the theater
as the film hits the ground running and
it's up to you to keep up. There is help
along the way-mostly
in the form of
dialogue, which is occasionally bogged
down with back,story about the conflictbut having a good base of knowledge to
work from will allow you to immerse your,
self in the film more fully.
It was not by accident that Jolie selected
The Bosnian War, which was the most
devastating conflict in Europe since the
end of World War II, as the setting of her
directorial debut-she is going for maximum
impact. Jolie said, "The film is specific to the
Bosnian War, but it's also universal. I wanted
to tell a story of how human relationships
and behavior are deeply affected by living
inside a war:' As Ajla says to Danijel in the
middle of it all,"Serbs, Croatians, Muslims ...
I was raised to know no difference between
them:' Jolie didn't just make a movie with a
harrowing story. She set out to make a very
overt and timely point. But would we really
expect anything less? ■
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January/February
2012
I 79
STARS
Fresh Starts New romance and opportunities await in the new year.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Aries(March21-April 20)
You have a secret admirer who not only captures your
heart but squeezes it. Ooh! Of course if this mystery
woman happens to be a co~worker, expect a lot of
drama in the workplace. Try to move all amorous
antics into the after~hours to maximize your after~
glow. Save the office shenanigans for your eventual
corporate coup d'etat.
Libra(Sept.24-0ct. 23)
Good karma does not grow on trees but you will
benefit from planting the seeds of charity in all your
personal efforts now. Volunteer and expand your out~
reach, Libra. It will even have health benefits such as
reduced stress. Of course you can always combine
business with pleasure by giving generously to a bevy
of needy ladies.
Taurus(April21-May 21)
Sapphic Bulls are on the top of everyone's "to do" list
and that is how you like it. But you may find that you
have far too many parties and far too many admirers
to handle with only two hands. Life could become a
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan. 20)
feeding frenzy. Oh let's hope so! You can always diet
Capricornsare earthsigns,
in the spring.
which meansthey havea deep
capacityfor love,affectionand
Gemini(May22-June 21)
downrightdirty sex if they are
stoked,pokedandstroked Geminis are faced with the age~old dilemma of a
properly.Keepthis delicious balance in life. How much time do you need to devote
little secretin mind if you to building your career when it could come at the
set your sights on seducing expense of domestic bliss? That is a good question and
a Capgal. Beingearthsigns, one that can't be answered until the scales have tipped
they are also possessive,so and emotions run high. You will then know what you
if you are oneof thoseflighty have to do with who, when, where, how and why.
undisciplinedGeminisor
indiscriminateSagittarians, Cancer(June22-July 23)
rein it in or forgetaboutit,sister. Even just a small thought can have worldwide rever~
Scorpio(Oct.24-Nov.22)
There is something endearing about being scrappy,
pugnacious and pushy-to a point. Sapphic Scorpios
have a need to boss the course, which can take them
far in life this winter. However the main lesson to be
learned is to know when to push and when to pull.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb.19)
Aqueeriansstare soulfullyinto
your eyesand ask you the
most personaland impertinent
questionsaboutyour private
desires,dreamsand hopes.
After a night of unbridled
passion,there comesthe
dawnof crystal clear clarity.
It wasn't you,personally,that
she was interestedin; it was
the conceptof you. Nowwhat
was your nameagain?
berations. So allow your ideas room to roam. Who
knows where they will rock and rollr Crabs with an
itch to travel can find the ways and means to do so.
Don't be a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the
floors of silent seas. Go out loud and proud and in
first class accommodations!
Leo(July24-Aug.23)
Lusty liaisons have a surprising price tag attached so
watch how you spend your time. If you are in a current
loving relationship, the urge to splurge on seductive
niceties can break your budget. Find affordable ways
to spread and massage the oil of love.
Virgo(Aug.24-Sept.23)
Is it you, we or me:' That is a good question, and one
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is
theauthorofHerscopes: that you may have trouble answering now. Achieving
the perfect harmony between lovergrrl's needs and your
A Guideto Astrology
wants
may prove to be elusive this winter. For those
for Lesbians
(Simon&
Virgos who feel betwixt and between, maybe it is best
Schuster)
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes).
Nowavailableasan ebook.
to avoid any hot and heavy discussions at this time.
so I curve
Sagittarius(Nov.23-Dec.22)
Relatives want to divert your Pride parade and direct
you off course. Sometimes you think that going with
their flow is easier than trying to paddle upstream.
But this winter may demonstrate that you need to
take matters into your own hands and carve out your
own slice of happiness. No compromises, Sagittarius.
Capricorn(Dec.23-Jan. 20)
Don't be surprised if you sizzle via Skype with some
romanticized vision of loveliness at the far end of the
world. Proper Capricorns become hot international
mamas with a need to reach out and touch someone.
You have your choice of opportunities but try to be
discerning.
Aquarius(Jan.21-Feb. 19)
Love, lust, jealousy and passion all mix together to
form the perfect recipe for your many sexcapades this
winter. Zesty Aqueerians are ready for action and find
themselves stirring the mixing bowl. It is all great fun
but be sure that you have the ''dough" to fund all these
expensive, exotic pleasures. Love costs more than you
expect. Is it worth it? Don't answer that.
Pisces(Feb.20-March 20)
You are the one to know. Partnership opportunities
are there if you are interested. Guppies who want
to swim in the social pool can expand their base of
contacts and float their best ideas into the ecosystem.
Plant the seeds of future success with some new
acquaintances. You will get to know them very well
over the next few months. ■
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Pluso pockedlineupof someof thehottestnewtalentin the
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The Dinah,an epic five-day world-renown
weekend: the crazy wild PoolParties,the
sexiest go go dancers,the best DJs,the
entertainment,
the celebrities,plus the -~onstopactionandthehottestgirlsin theworld...
Forthe FullDinahEventSchedule,
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to dateand/orto purchase
tickets& make otel •
reservationsgo to www.TheDina: o
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OUTRAGEOUS
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CELEBRATING30 YEARSOF GOING OUT AND COMING OUT
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