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Description
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ToC Cover: Jessica Clark; Whitney Mixter and Sara Bettencourt by Janelle Sorenson and Melany Joy Beck (p42); Jumping the Broom by Merryn Johns (p46); Bringing Lesbian Sexy Back by Yana Tallon-Hicks (p49); Toys for Bois by Yana Tallon-Hicks (p54); Jessica Clark Revealed by Merryn Johns and Laurie Schenden (p58); Island Paradise by Merryn Johns and Kristin Flickinger (p64); Cover Photo by Marina Rice Bader.
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Sex Issue
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issue
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1
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Date Issued
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January-February 2013
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol23_No1_January-February-2013_OCR_PDF.pdf
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extracted text
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CURVEMAG.COM
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7
VOLUME 23#1
There's "natural" - and there's
natural
.,
V
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Available at PETCO, Whole Foods Market, Pet Supplies Plus,
your neighborhood pet specialty and natural food store, and
online at halopets.com
JAN/FEB
2013
FEATURES
~6
JUMPING THE BROOM
Jamaica's first lesbian wedding
becomes a media sensation.
By Merryn Johns
~9
BRINGING LESBIAN SEXY BACK
Reignite your love life by forgetting
everything the experts say
about lesbian bed death.
By Yana Tallon-Hicks
5~
TOYS FOR BOIS
We've got the sexy tricks and
tools of the transgender trade.
By Yana Tallon-Hicks
-38
JESSICA CLARK REVEALED
The True Blood star bares all about
her starring role in the new lesbian
hit, A Perfect Ending. Plus, interviews
with her co-star Barbara Niven and
director Nicole Conn. By Merryn
Johns and Laurie Schenden
6~
ISLAND PARADISE
Get away from it all with our favorite -island adventures in Hawaii and
Brazil. By Merryn Johns and
Kristin Flickinger
COVER PHOTO BY MARINA RICE BADER
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
1
JAN/FEB
2013
IN EVERYISSUE
6
EDITOR'S NOTE
8
FEEDBACK
9
CURVETTES
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
38
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#/#//////////////////////////
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 THIS IS WHAT A
LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE
Tattoo artist Siohvon Gilliam.
27 MUSIC
Watch out, White Party! Pop
sensation Anjulie is playing
The Dinah. By Jess McAvoy
12 SEXY GIFT GUIDE
Think hot, sweet and spicy
for this Valentine's Day.
14
HOT TEE
14 THE RUNDOWN
News from across the country.
15 BEAUTY
Metallic shimmer, bold black
and provocative pink are this
month's beauty essentials.
16 SCENE
dot429 Straight Talk
Conference and In The
Life Media Gala.
VIEWS
17 POLITICS
We helped put President
Obama back in the White
House, so where does our
community really stand now?
By Victoria A. Brownworth
20
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
22 THE TWO OF US
Our monthly profile of lesbian
couples who live, love and
work together.
2
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
24
LESBOFILE
25
SHE SAID
26
OUT IN FRONT
29 FILM
Sixties screen icon Charlotte
Rampling finally gets all the
attention she deserves from
a lesbian documentarian.
By Karin Schupp
31 BOOKS
Screen siren Gina Gershon also
loves to write, especially about
her pussy, Cleo. Take a sneak
peek at her hilarious cat tale.
By Kim Hoffman
CURVATURES
33 IN THE FLESH
Those mischievous Brits
are back again with their
fun fashion ideas. This time
they're taking us from naked
to naughty with bare skin and
lingerie. By Stella and Lucy
38 REBECCA'S SECRET
How a lesbian Playboy
executive turned her love for
Madonna and a keen fashion
sensibility into a brilliant line
of haute couture underwear.
By Merryn Johns
TheFloridaKeys
Key~st
Close To Perfect - Far From Normal
curvema
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Curve's on line selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
OLIVIA COMES OF AGE
The world's oldest and largest lesbian travel
company celebrates its 40th anniversary by
spoiling you on land and on sea. Take a peek
at this year's star-studded itineraries and
meet pioneering founder Judy Dlugacz.
DYKESDOWN UNDER
Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras is one of
the world's biggest LGBT parties and this year
is no exception. This three-week extravaganza
celebrates its 35th year and boasts endless
entertainment such as Emmy-winning star of Will
& Grace, Megan Mullally, Tony-nominated New
York performer Mx Justin Vivian Bond, Heather
Small from '90s house music act M People and
A BESPOKE BOUDOIR
PHOTO SHOOT
lots of lovely local Aussie talent.
LITERARYLOVE
OBSESSION
Herself When Missing is a new
novel by Sarah Terez Rosenblum
that plumbs the depths of
obsessive lesbian romance
and ask the question, why do
lesbians stay in dysfunctional
relationships for so long? "I do
think lesbians have a tendency
to fixate more fiercely than their
straight counterparts [do],"
says Rosenblum, and odds are
you'll recognize friends and
former lovers in this compelling
page turner.
4
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
ABSOLUTELY
FABULOUS
ARGENTINA
American expat Laetitia Orsetti
traveled to the land of the
tango for a vacation, and found
herself falling in love with
all things Argentinean, and
the idea of running her own
wedding business. With the
passage of marriage equality
south of the border, this out
lesbian encourages others to
make their dreams of the perfect wedding come true.
Esme & Eve Photography
offers the ultimate
Valentine's Day gift. This
duo has reinvented the
sensual genre of bedroom
portraits with a luxurious
fine art approach that
swaps fashion models with
role models ...that would be
you and your partner! Now
you can WIN a photoshoot
with Esme & Eve in Los
Angeles. For full details go
to curvemag.com.
RONT /
MERRYN'SMEMO
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
The Perfect Blend
of
Se~1,
JANUARY/
LESBIAN
FEBRUARY 2013
MAGAZINE
I VOLUME 23 NUMBER 1
PUBLISHERSilke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
n an increasingly hypersexual society we are under enormous pressure
to look as good as we can every day of our lives. Anyone who has
tagged themselves in a Facebook photo or fretted over what to choose
for their profile pie will agree that we are now captives of a new form
of media torture: how to represent our virtual selves.
As a young lesbian, long before the Internet took hold of and shaped
our lives, I felt self-conscious about my appearance, as though I were
misrepresenting my sexuality by being
feminine. It was easy to be misread as
heterosexual, and yet this was how I
looked. It would have seemed equally
uncharacteristic to forsake my female
appearance-not that butches and bois
aren't swoon-worthy. We know they are.
Now that I am of a certain age,
I know that there are many kinds
of beauty, many kinds of sexy. I also
know that lesbians have sometimes
had a difficult time embracing sexy, in
themselves and in others, for the erotic
has been identified with the evils of
objectification and the male gaze. But
after nearly two decades in print media, I believe that the female gaze
out-powers the male. Women have a special and intimate relationship
with the images in magazines. And so it gave me great joy to put
together the Sexy issue-for your viewing pleasure. It was also a treat to
work with my team to come up with a hot new look for the world's best
lesbian magazine. I hope you love it as much as we do! Please feel free to
send us your feedback.
What's sexy to you? To me, absolutely everybody in this issue is sexy.
Our cover girl, Jessica Clark, is simply delectable, and when you read her
interview on page 58 you'll find that she's as lovely inside as she is out.
Siohvan Gilliam has used the age-old art of indelible ink to inscribe her
idea of sexy on her own body. Married couple Whitney Mixter and Sara
Bettencourt keep our hearts pounding through three sizzling seasons
of The Real L Word and beyond. The widely admired actor Charlotte
Rampling is still heating up the cinema screen at the luscious age of 66,
and fellow Brits Stella and Lucy continue to encourage the sexy in all of
us with their cheeky fashion spreads. May this issue of Curve make you
feel like exploring your sexy self, in as many ways as possible!
~Zs
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGINGEDITOR Rachel Shatto
BOOK REVIEWEDITOR Rachel Pepper
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina
Daggett, Jillian Eugenics, Sheryl Kay, Jess McAvoy,
Stephanie Schroeder
EDITORIALASSISTANTS Rekara Gage, Molly Williams
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
EASTCOASTSALES
Robin Perron (910) 795-0907, robin@curvemagazine.com
NATIONALSALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
BUSINESSDEVELOPMENT
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Stefanie Liang
CONTRIBUTINGART DIRECTOR Sarah Crumb
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam L.
Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Traci
Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Jill Goldstein, Lisa Gunther,
Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman, Charlene
Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey, Jess
McAvoy, Ariel Messman-Rucker, Emelina Minero, Laurie
K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson,
Allison Steinberg, Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull,
Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD
Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes, Syd London, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
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LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 23 Issue 1 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published monthly
(except for bimonthly January/February and July/August) by
Avalon Media. LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034. Subscription
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Publication of the name or photograph of any persons or
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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
curvemag.com
merryn@curvemag.com
6
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
RONT /
FEEDBACK
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ON
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to see my favorite magazine
give such a balanced analysis
of why we should vote for
Obama with conditions
attached. While Obama's
support of gay marriage no
doubt helped him win the
election, this is probably the
first time in our history as a
community that our demographic changed the course
of the country. It's time we
knew our power and thought
beyond our minority status.
-Elise Humphreys, St.
Augustine, Fla.
Foster Fan
Thank you for the wellwritten article on Jen Foster
["Fostering Success;' Vol.
22#10]. She is one gorgeous,
multi-talented lady and it is
good to see her getting the
recognition that she deserves.
-Alex Purnell, Montclair, NJ
Political Power
I wanted to thank Curve
for keeping me politically
informed over the past many
months. It was encouraging
f fo1r l,ot is JJOIW lore l(fe 1 i11l1tnmr?
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White hot! I
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CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
to wrap my copy? I'm here,
I'm queer ...
-Elizabeth Preston,
Muncy, Penn.
Editor's Note: Curve comes
wrapped to protect the privacy
of subscribers. However, at the
request of readers, the wrapping has been changed.from
black to white!
2013
J.11e1ro111»
JJ01rerond
tl101111l1t
IJCJJOllll0111»
111i1101»itJJ
stotus."
Ditto, Again
I loved that you included
the gorgeous Beth Ditto as a
model in your Holiday Gift
Guide, but when oh when
is she going to be on your
cover? I think her music, her
politics and her image are so
amazing, it's time!
-Gossip Girl, via email
Editor's Note: Likewise, and
we're working on it!
Correction: Wake Forrest
Baptist Church, featured in
"Progress at the Pulpit" [Vol.
22#10], has no association
with the Southern Baptist
Convention.
Subscriber Services are now available at
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two ringy dingys -Ann E.
''It's ti111eire
I just wanted to write to say
that I am not shameful of the
lifestyle I lead, so when my
monthly copy of Curve shows
up wrapped in plastic so that
my postal person doesn't
know what I am receiving,
I feel like the message
being sent is misleading.
That's right, I am a lesbian
who reads a magazine for
lesbians! Is there any way not
Posts from our
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Talentedlady -Kim Zerkle
There is no other like her,
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She is absolutely fantastic and is
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The woman just doesn't age!! I
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KARIN SCHUPP
KRISTINFLICKINGER
YANATALLON-HICKS
LAURIESCHENDEN
Back in the '90s, after having
Whether enjoying Portland's
After receiving her degree in
For more than a decade
brought Germany's first lesbian
food cart scene or exploring
LGBT studies, Yana Tallon-Hicks
Laurie Schenden has covered
celebrity gossip column to the
the Korean spas of Los Angeles,
worked as a sex educator/sales
the entertainment industry
for Curve, the Los Ange/es
mildly irritated readership of
Kristin Flickinger believes magic
associate at female-friendly
(now defunct) queer-feminist
is around every corner. From the
sex toy shops Good Vibrations
Times and Germany's
magazine Schnepfe, Karin
Andes to the Outback, you can
and She Bop. And, luckily for
Spotlight magazine and is the
Schupp unflinchingly decided
find her hiking, biking, swimming
us, she's had sex on the brain
entertainment editor of GoWeho.
to dedicate her life to LGBTpop
and eating her way across some
ever since. Yana geeks out
com. Her cover stories for Curve
culture and has never looked
of the world's most stunning
about lube, practices often to
have included Sharon Stone,
back. Today, she regularly
landscapes. After two years of
achieve perfection, and just
Melissa Etheridge, the cast of
contributes to Germany's only
traveling the world, Kristin met
wants you to have an orgasm.
The L Word and in this issue
lesbian magazine, L-MAG, and
the love of her life and followed
When not regularly contributing
she interviews A Perfect Ending
star Barbara Niven and director
Berlin's queer events guide
her to L.A. two days later. Now
her sexpertise to Curve, such as
Siegessau/e, which gives her a
they adventure together. Kristin
her recommendations for trans
Nicole Conn. Laurie is also an
good excuse to constantly
spends her days as the L.A.
sex toys on page 54, Yana is
award-winning documentary
scan the Internet and social
associate director of AIDS/
writing her weekly sex column,
filmmaker and one of the co-
media "for professional reasons."
LifeCycle. Read more about
the V-Spot (facebook.com/
creators of the Laughing Matters
Read her interview with lesbian
Kristin's adventures at
thevalleyvspot).
film series, seen on Logo.
filmmaker Angelina Maccarone
mid leap.com.
on page 29.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
9
NDS/
THE GAYDAR
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I
~
~
~
I
THEGAYDAR
Takesone to know one? Let our gaydar help you decide who's hot,
who's not, who's shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
BYRACHEL
SHATTO
Lesbian author and social critic extraordinaire
Camille Paglia appears on the season finale of Watch
What Happens Live to wax academic about The Real
Housewives franchise we can't help but love
Rosie O'Donnell and Nene
Leakes guest as hilarious
and sassy co-hosts of
Anderson Live. So, CBS
when's the spin-off?
~
~
•
~
Rihanna and Kate Moss'
sexy Sapphic photo shoot
in V Magazine has our
hearts racing. Don't you
know it's cruel to bait
Fox 19 Cincinnati's Tricia Macke
issues an apology after GLAAD put
the smack down on the reporter for
referring to Rachel Maddow as an
"angry young man" on Facebook.
Way to keep it classy
True love is dead.
Heather Matarazzo
and Caroline Murphy
have called off their
Like a scene from
our steamiest
dreams, Sandra
Bullock and Chelsea
Handler strip down
for a fiery tete-a-tete
in which the actor
takes the host to
task for sleeping
with guests-or
something like
that, we can't really
concentrate on what
they're saying
Congratulations
Denise Ho and
welcome to the
lesbian clubhouse!
The Canto-pop star
comes out at the
Hong Kong Pride
Festival, declaring
herself a tongzhi
(comrade), Chinese
slang for gay
0
I
(.'.)
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0
:s:
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w
O'.l
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Sapphic succubus
fix? Good news,
Lost Girl is back
and with it more
of the hot Bo and
Lauren action
we crave
(.'.)
~
0
>
<,:
"'
O'.l
;:;;
w
::;:
<,:
Amanda Palmer blows us
away with her graphic and
oh-so NSFW lesbo-sexy
new video "Do It With A
Rockstar," which sees her
getting it on with a female
fan. Caution, this video is
hot, hot, hot!
10
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
Because you can
never have too many sexy
Sapphic thrillers, we are
waiting with baited breath
for Jamie Babbit's latest,
Breaking the Girls. The
film stars Madeline Zima
as a gorgeous lezzie with
murder on her mind
2013
Bisexual pop star Kesha
shows us her wild side in her
lesbotastic video "Die Young"
In which she plays the role of
a seductive cult leader. Now,
we're not advocating cultsbut she has us thinking
about converting ...
"'
"'
"'
w
f-
w
0..
z
<,:
::;:
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()
Well hello there hotness! Meet Casey Legler-artist,
woman, and professional male model for Ford.
Recently profiled on Time.com, Legler can now add
"the object of our affection" to her growing resume
w
O'.l
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()
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-
THE
HOT
LIST!
I
THIS IS WHAT
A LESBIAN
LooKs LIKE
•
S1ohvon
Gilliam
This inked and proud,
up-and-coming tattoo
artist is ready to take
the tat world by storm.
ON LESBIANSAND BODYART: Body
art is an expressive way to explain
yourself without intentionally doing
so. Lesbians are drawn to the silent
introduction and to the moments of
wondering what the personality of
such a creative and expressive person
is. And, of course, because they think
it's sexy. As an artist, I'm attracted to
tattoos because I find interest in other
people's creative minds.
ON HERFIRSTTATTOO:I had just
turnjd 18 and we had a little tattoo getgi:rther. I was going around bragging,
h yean, I'm about to get this, that,
. I'm about to be a junior
bragged for hours, interrupting
people's tattooing, just bragging
was my turn to sit in the chair.
I punked out. I ended up leaving
·nitials, very tiny, on my
rds, I was like, I could get
.rn<Ja""41illl:'$Jidn't
even hurt.
attending Norfolk State University, and
graduating with a Bachelor of Fine
Arts. I have long-term goals to be
a life drawing college professor, a
professional tattoo artist or a tattoocommercial model. My long-term
goals inspire me to start now and end
strong. Two years ago I learned the
basics of tattooing, and now I hope
to apprentice somewhere and own
my own shop.
z
I
0
::e
~
0
z
<(
ON WHAT DRIVESHERTO SUCCEED:
My mother is my biggest motivatoralong with my dad and my twin brother.
The words from [family] can always
push you to go harder and not quit.
Kat Von D is my motivator as a tattoo
artist. All of these things and people
motivate me to reach for my goals, one
slow step at a time.-Kim Hoffman
RY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
11
NDSJGIFT
GUIDE
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2. Glitzy Love Games
This Camille Silk
Blindfold embellished
with Swarovski Crystals
will make any gal feel
like a queen. The ties are
six feet long and ready
for any bow or knot you
can imagine. Turn off the
lights and ignite
all your senses with this
silky treasure. $87,
hipsandcurves.com
t. Sexy Shades What's
a better aphrodisiac than a
great sense of humor? These
lighthearted shades are a
must-have accessory for ringing in St. Valentine's Day1$16,
uniquevintage.com
Spice things up this Valentine's Day with sexy gifts
to tantalize all your senses, Here are 15 gift ideas
sure to shake off that winter chill and put the heat
back in your hearts. BY MOLLY WILLIAMS
---
7. Flaunt It Does your girl
have curves for days? This
Mariko Underbust corset
by Hips and Curves will
turn her into a seductive
goddess Pair this steel
boned corset with the
Ruffle Demi Bra and thighhighs for a devastating
head-to-toe look. $99,
hipsandcurves.com
S. Bedtime Stories The latest edition of our favorite sexy series, Best
Lesbian Erotica 2013, blends the
slow burn of anticipation with the
heat of raw passion. Pick this up for a
naughty read under the covers with
your honey $12, amazon.com
6. Cast a Glow Di Potter's collection
of six ready-to-assemble translucent
mini lampshades turns a standard
wine glass and a flameless tea light
into a romantic table setting.
$22, dipotter.com
f2. Cuff Love Put a heart on your sleeve, literally, and get tied up in a sexy
good time. These Pink Heart Restraints from Babeland have our love
muscles pounding. With soft faux fur lining and durable pink leather on
the outside, they're dominantly sexy. $25, babe/and.com
12
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
ta. Naughty Bauble Let her know
what's on your mind with this saucy
Lust ring. Hand-crafted to your size,
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s. $18, aliljazzjewelry.etsy.co
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~1.Say I Looove You
Oriol Balaguer Chocolate Hearts
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a. Amorous Archery
Was it love at first sight? Let her
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3. Caution! Curves Ahead
Hipstripes' graphic, sexy and
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Allihalla's Rachel Underwear aren't
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This hand-made lingerie flatters
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Plus,they're customizable to any
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$20, allihalla etsycom
9. Sexy Sipper Pink, pleasing and
potent, the only thing bitter about
The Bitter Truth's Pink Gin is its name.
This sexy spirit adds a kick to V-Day
cocktails. We recommend a sparkling
pink gin and tonic to begin your
romantic rendezvous. $35,
the-bitter-truth.com
H. Rx Down There Whether you're
getting ready for a raunchy encounter
or need soothing after one, Medicine
Mama's VMagic is skin care for your
most sensitive parts, made from
organic and natural ingredients.
$20, sweetbeemagic.com
Jo. Come A Knockin' How
better to get down and dirty than
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
13
■
w,.,_,-,-,-,,_,a
THE ,,-,-,;;
RUNDOWN
By Sassafras
Lowrey
• After a hotly contested race for
Wisconsin's open senate seat, Tammy
Baldwin, a Democrat, beat out
Tommy Thompson, a former
Bush administration official,
to become the first female
senator in the state's history and the first openly
gay person to be elected to
the U.S. Senate.
• The Department of Defense has
announced that Sgt. Donna R. Johnson,
a lesbian, was killed "supporting Operation
Enduring Freedom" in Afghanistan. Sgt.
Johnson is survived by her wife, Tracy Dice,
and was killed when an insurgent detonated
a suicide vest while she was out on patrol.
She was outed in a Facebook notice from The
American Military Partner Association, which
plans to share more of the couple's story.
• Kathryn Katalinich and Brooke Creef, a
lesbian couple, say they were attacked, both
verbally and physically, at the Atlanta Pride
host hotel. The women allege that two men
hurled anti-gay slurs then pushed them to
the ground, and that onlookers did not come
to their defense. Police say they are currently
reviewing the hotel's surveillance video.
OT TE
• Nordstrom has issued a company-wide
memo signed by the luxury retailer's executives outlining its philosophical approach,
which includes "a workplace where every
employee is welcomed and respected."
The company, which has already offered
OF THE MONTH
When things get hot and heavy, just
keep calm and fairy on in a Dyke
Tees tank. And in the dyke typewriter
$20 and Up, d YketeeS.COm
domestic partnership benefits and includes
■
sexual orientation in its anti-discrimination
policy, has now come out in favor of marriage equality, saying, "It is our belief that our
gay and lesbian employees are entitled to
~:i:~~;:1
7
Pop 1 1teQues1io11
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14
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
and were married during the time marriage
was legal in California, their relationship
cannot be recognized by the state. As a
result, Searcy is not considered to be "the
spouse of the child's mother," and the court
unanimously ruled that she couldn't adopt
the couple's 6-year-old son. Openly gay
state Rep. Patricia Todd responded to the
ruling, saying, "If we truly care about the
welfare of children, it's most important that
they be in a loving family. It restricts the
ability to raise the child if only one parent
can have custody."
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r"'
Bedroom Eyes
High-impact cat eye
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Get Naked Urban Decay's gorgeous Naked 2 palette
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Peek-a-boo Go gothic glam with Eye Rock's
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This peachy pink blush adds color and
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'Jiigff_IJrama
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Inspired by the luscious lips
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Desirable Digits
Festoon your fingertips
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
15
NDS!SCENE
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////4
dot429
Straight
Talk
Conference
InThe
Life
Media
Gala
POLITICAL
PARTIES
Two New York City events celebrated the importance of the LGBT movement.
dot429,
the largest professional
LGBT online network which hosts
receptions, dot429 hosted the perfect networking event to bring
events nationally, brought the New York City community together
the community together during a pivotal moment in the fight for
for the dot429 StraightTalk Conference, Oct. 12-14, 2012. Held
our rights, and fortunately, it paid off.
at the Tribeca Grand Hotel and emceed by LGBT activist Cathy
Brooks, dot429 featured influential speakers in the LGBTcommunity
InThe
Life
Media
celebrated
along with allies in sports, media, politics and corporate America,
of LGBTjournalism at its gala on Oct. 1 at the New York Historical
such as political activist David Mixner, former NFL player Wade
Society. It announced December as the final episode of its
Davis and American Idol runner up Kimberley Locke. Held prior to
Emmy-nominated series, In the Life and a new direction as
the elections, with marriage equality on the ballot and the future of
a web-based, open-source repository of video archives
our rights on the line, the conference emphasized the importance
documenting the LGBT movement. The fund-raising gala
of bringing our authentic selves into the workplace and into the
honored out Headline News journalist Jane Velez-Mitchell
limelight to further the progress of the LGBT community. Filled
with the Pioneer Award. Attendees included Katherine Linton
with panel discussions, movie screenings, luncheons and cocktail
and Glennda Testone. -Lauren Leiggi
20 years as a respected producer
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CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
§
0
-
POLITICS
»
ADVICE
»
COMMUNITY
»
Politics Jor lhe New Year
Wehelped
President
Obama
earn
asecond
term,
sowhatnow?
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
I
like inaugurations. Even if I
haven't voted for a particular
candidate, a presidential inauguration is always a statement
about American democracy: We move
forward, not backward, as a nation.
That's one constant on the American
political landscape. Also, no coups, no
martial law, no bloody election-day riots,
and no machine gun fire on those cold
inauguration days.
I am among the many who are heartily glad that Mitt Romney won't be the
man taking the pledge on the National
Mall in Washington this year, but I have
some concerns about President Obama
as he moves into a second term. Those
concerns are predicated on what he
promised-and reneged on-during his
first term in office. This time around, we
must demand more.
This election didn't change the party
in the White House, and there were only
minor changes in the makeup of the
Congress. For queers, however, it meant
that the first out queer was elected to
the Senate when Congresswoman Tammy
Baldwin won her race in Wisconsin.
Maine, Maryland and Washington all
voted in favor of marriage equality, and
Minnesota opened the door to marriage
equality by rejecting a gay-marriage ban.
But while those events were historic,
and reflect a more mainstream attitude
toward LGBT people in America, we have
a new presidential term ahead of us and
as Progressives and people of conscience,
we have to ask ourselves: "Whatnow?
A few months before the election, I
wrote that we needed to hold President
Obama accountable. After all, he could
not have won reelection without us:
Single and younger women constituted
his largest demographic-and that's lesbians
(since even when we've been coupled for
decades, the government still considers us
as single). The New York Times noted a
week after the election that the "gay"vote
had helped Obama win the election.
Obama needed us to get where he is.
Now we need him to be answerable to us.
Different Progressive voices have
had different things to say about what
Obama "owes" us, post-election. Some
have said "End the wars;' others have
said "Stop the drones;' still others have
said "Force climate change as an issue:'
I would add, "Stop the overemphasis on
terrorism and close Guantanamo, as you
promised to do by January 2009."
But there is more-a lot more.
At the top of my list of requests for the
president is: Release Bradley Manning
from prison.
I have been writing about Manning
since his arrest in May 2010. Manning
has been treated viciously by the Obama
administration. Activist and :filmmaker
Michael Moore refers to Manning as
a "national hero;' and I would have to
agree. He is accused of treason-for
releasing state secrets. But ifhe is culpable then so are The New York Times, The
Washington Post and The Guardian, all
of which have published the documents
he is alleged to have released to the press
through WikiLeaks.
There is no question that Manning
acted in the best interests of America
and the American people. Thanks to him,
Americans who want to be informed
(many don't) about the actions of the
Obama and Bush administrations with
regard to Iraq, Afghanistan and a series
of covert wars we are waging in Yemen,
Somalia, and other places are now made
more aware.
But the way Manning has been treated,
according to Human Rights Watch and
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
17
st
POLITICS
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Amnesty International, is nothing short
of torture.
Obama should pardon him. Now.
Obama should also rethink his stance
on marriage equality. In May 2012, the
President-forced,
many insiders said,
by Vice President Biden's pro-equality
statements a few days earlier-came out
in defense of marriage equality.
Sort of
It's not that Obama didn't say he
thought we should all have the right to
marry. He did. For years he'd been saying
that he was "evolving" on the issue of
our civil rights, but the day after North
Carolina voted to ban marriage equality,
he said his evolution was complete.
It would have been better if he had
completed that evolutionary process a
few days earlier-it might have swayed
the vote in the state that the Democrats
had chosen for their convention -but
he didn't. And he also didn't give us his
full support. He said he thought we were
equal, but that the states should still be
allowed to say we weren't.
I won't belabor the irony in America's
first biracial president saying that the
states should be allowed to decide civil
rights. I'll just put it out there for us to
think about (and try to make excuses for).
So, in his second term, I'd like to see
the president evolve all the way-pay
more than lip service to our civil rights
and pick one of his many options on
marriage equality.
He can issue an executive order invalidating DOMA (the Defense of Marriage
Act). He can issue an executive order
requiring the federal government to give
legally married queer couples the same
rights that straight married couples have.
Or he can urge Congress-including those
members of his own party who just don't
seem to recognize that this is the civil
rights movement of the 21st century-to
overturn DOMA. Since Congress overturned DADT in 2011, married queers
in the military are still treated differently
than married straight people in the military. It's time the benefits-social and legal
and monetary-of marriage accrued to
all Americans.
Obama needs to make it clear that it
is not OK to leave civil rights up to the
18
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
states, because if Lyndon Johnson had
done that when the issue was civil rights
for black people, Obama would not be
president now.
The president also has to take a stand
on poverty. We heard endlessly about
the middle class during the campaign
for president. But it was Mitt Romney
who raised the issue of how many more
Americans were living in poverty and on
food stamps under this administration.
Romney was making the point that
Americans were not faring well under
Obama, but neither he nor the president
addressed what that increase in poverty
actually means.
Now that he's been reelected, the
president has got to acknowledge that
poverty in American is at its highest level
since the Great Depression and that the
majority of people in poverty are women
and children.
Many lesbians live in poverty. The
idea that we are all Ellen and Portia is
just wrong. Worldwide, women bear the
brunt of poverty, but that is also true in
America, where single women and older
women are the most likely to be living
with it. Not only does Obama need to
speak out about poverty and about how it
is impacting women in the U.S., he has to
do something about it.
''
One of the signal
issues that Obama ran
on as a candidate was
!
women's equality. He
regularly invoked his
mother and his two
young daughters. But
since the Great Recession hit America,
women have acquired
only one in 1,000 of
the jobs that Obama
takes credit for creating, through various
job-creation programs.
Women lost as
many jobs as men, but
did not get them back.
Among the people who
are unemployed and underemployed in
America today, the largest demographic
are women, and the worst hit are women
over 40. And it's essential that the
1
president and his party not cave in on
the issue of so-called entitlements like
Social Security and Medicaid. The social
safety net was devised by Democratic
presidents FDR and LBJ to make sure
that the poor (who were mostly women
then, too) didn't literally die in the streets
from homelessness and starvation.
The president also must take a stand
on discrimination against LGBT people
in the workplace. Those of us who do have
jobs are under constant threat because
of our sexual orientation. LGBT issues
may have moved to the mainstream, but
discrimination against us remains at an
all-time high.
Second terms offer presidents many
advantages. President Obama alienated
many Progressives throughout his first
term with his centrist and even rightleaning policies and stances. In his
second term, he has the opportunity to
move his party back to the left, where
it belongs, and to address some of the
most important issues of our times, from
climate change to equality for all.
Obama and the Democrats spent
much of the past four years blaming
the Republicans for their inability-or
unwillingness- to take tough stands on
issues vital to all Americans, and especially to women and queers
and minorities. But for
the first two years of his
administration, President
Obama had a majority in
the House and the Senate,
and still did nothing to
the
move a Progressive agenda
forward.
That has to change
in his second term and
we have to demand it of
him. He's maintained the
White House because of
us and now it's time for a
quid pro quo.
We need you to step up,
Mr. President. Legacies are
built on second terms. You
can build yours on equality
and Progressivism.
We have to hold you to your promises,
because if ever we needed an advocate in
the White House, it's now. •
d liketo see
the president
evolvea//
way-pay more
than lip service
to our civil rights
and pick one of
his many options
on marriage
equality
''
ER MIAMI
pandoraevents
~tl (~~T~1e~gNjetBlue® ~Y.,rY.e.~~
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~~~ieA~r~i~:.u
MAGAZINE
DESIGN BY: MARIA ESPINAL 305.776.6901
L..!l4-she
st LIPSTICK+DIPSTICK
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
We're Dying lo
HaveaBaby!
Breathalyzer on a U-Haul truck,
something those of us who have
which detected dating history.)
lived through it call the "five-year
Instead of setting up the nurs-
itch." Whether you've been with
ery, set yourselves up for the
other women is not really the
future. Harness that insatiable
issue. You're starting to realize
One
young
couple
fights
theurge
to getpregnant.
energy and secure yourselves a
that this could possibly be the
BY LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
solid foundation, which includes
last person you'll ever have sex
stable jobs, good healthcare
with-until
and enough money in the bank
have the butterflies that come
to buy a year's worth of diapers
from the anticipation of a first
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My girlfriend
and I are in a very serious relationship. We
live together, and have gotten three pets
already. I am completely confident that
she is "the one" and vice versa. The issue
we're having, however, is we want a baby
desperately, but we know it's not a good
time to have one. My parents would say
it's too soon, her grandparents wouldn't
understand, and we are pretty broke. Not
to mention we're not married and don't
have a house yet. I know it's a bad time,
but the craving is killing me! How do we
stop ourselves from having a baby?
-First Comes Love..
you die. You'll never
and formula. Fair warning: If
kiss. You will never see a hot
you don't heed this advice, your
woman across the room and
little family may fall apart faster
wonder if you'll end up tied to
than you gestated it. Nothing
her bedpost by her silk scarf
pops the joy bubble faster than
later that night. You'll never gasp
financial pressure, so if you
at the first sight of her naked
have premature baby eJacula-
body. You're starting to realize
tion, it's sure to be a disastrous
this is it for you, and you must
Hindenburg-style Lez Zepplin.
determine if it's enough. Perhaps
you want to throw your trap
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
back in the ocean to see if you
I've been in a committed
can catch a better lobster.
relationship with my partner
Amanda for five years. Before I
Lipstick: You poor cynical
met her, I had never been with
butch. It has everything to
a woman. Previously, I had
do with the one notch on her
been married to a man, and we
dyke belt. Itching, if Dip hasn't
divorced. Amanda and I have
aroused enough curiosity, with
always had a great connection,
her hypothetical silk scarf, my
but part of me has always felt
answer may add another layer
insecure because I've been
of doubt. First, you're not being
Lipstick: The best way to not
chocolate when you get your
with only one woman, and
selfish, just refreshingly honest.
have a baby is to stay away from
period, sex when your girlfriend
that's it. Amanda, on the other
No apologies for that-ever.
sperm. Don't even say the word.
wears that lacey G-string, or the
hand, dated at least a dozen
Unfortunately, though, honesty
need to yell and throw popcorn
women before me, so when
likes to drag along its prickly
when the Patriots lose, you'll
we met, she had already gone
friend, known on the therapist's
pretty easy to avoid pregnancy.
be able to talk yourself off the
through her "gay puberty."
couch as hard work. My advice:
Friends of mine who've gone
sperm bank ledge when the
I just feel that I've missed a
Tell your girlfriend how you're
through the process say it costs
desire starts to peak Beyond
critical part of being a lesbian
feeling. I wouldn't word it
about $5K per insemination.
that, what you really need to
by not knowing what else is
just as you did above, but try
That's not even counting the
think about is not just what you
out there, even though I can't
something softer, less resolute,
cost of onesies, car seats, stroll-
want, but what is in the best
complain about my current
more conversational. Knowing
ers, pacifiers, Tonka trucks and
interests of this child. If you think
relationship. I'm generally happy
she's your first, Amanda is
stock car-driving lessons. Then
you can provide a loving home,
and satisfied with my life. Are
probably half expecting this
again, my parents had eight
with all the basics-food, shelter
my feelings valid, or am I just
(most certainly dreading it). If
kids (and adopted another),
and clothing; a college education;
being selfish? I don't want to
you don't confess and you hold
and they were broke, but I think
the latest iPhone-then go for it.
ruin my relationship with my
it inside, you'll do just as much
partner by saying "I need a
damage (if not more) than if
Dipstick: Well, if you're broke, it's
we turned out pretty good. I've
Lipstick: One of the great
many things about being with a
break to find myself:' Any advice
you came right out and uttered
watching my friends I think there
would be appreciated.
the words. She'll feel it in your
truly is something that makes
woman is there are no oopsy-
-Itching to Explore
touch, see it in your eyes. Often,
women "crave" a baby. Maybe if
daisy babies. In this regard, it's
you understand that it's simply a
like a bumper for bad decision-
natural biological urge, like craving
makers. (If only there were a
never wanted a baby, but from
20
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
saying the tough stuff is less
Dipstick: Don't fret. Your
feelings are very normal. It's
debilitating than withholding it.
Speak your truth.
W///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
thank you in the end, and if not,
you will thank you in the end.
Dipstick: I love letters like this
because they crack me up.
17
O\PS1\C10
I~
Columbia, you really think you're
keeping your relationship from
her children? Who still live with
you? WTF? Maybe coming out
will encourage their freeloading
asses to move out of your house.
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
out. I am thinking of leaving
door closed. She's insisted, but
By staying closeted, the only
My partner and I have been
her, but still love her so much.
you've conceded. Why? The
thing you're doing is affirming to
together 12 years, living
What do I do? -In the Closet
good news is it's never too late
her children that you're ashamed
together for eight. She has
in Columbia
to make better life choices,
of your love for each other. And
and writing to Dipstick and me
Lipstick is right-you're both
us. At her insistence, we are
Lipstick: Darn tootin', it's
is a step in the right direction.
responsible. It's time to come out,
still in the closet. We do not
time-time
Unequivocally, you deserve
but this issue has been festering
share a bedroom. I'm tired of
"We come out together or I
more, so yell "Towanda!" and
so long, I'd recommend that you
this. I love her very much but
come out and leave." You're
kick that door down. Facing the
first talk to a couples counselor,
I want more. I think it's time
blaming this on her, but you're
loss of your love might be the
to get to the root of her shame
she allows herself to come
just as guilty of keeping the
push she needs. She'll probably
and your complicity.•
her adult children living with
for an ultimatum:
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THETWO OF us
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11
Ashley (left) and Ciara Neal
Ciara & Ashley
Together
fortwoyears
andcounting,
Ciara
Neal,
21,andAshley
Neal,
19,
share
theiryoung
loveinthebright
spotlight
ofalarge
Tumblr
following.
HOW THEY MET
Ciara: We met through a mutual friend. Ashley pretty much fell all over herself to get my
attention. She kept "nonchalantly" sneaking peeks at me the entire time we hung out,
but she couldn't directly look me in the eyes. It was actually pretty cute.
ON THEIR SUDDEN TUMBLR FAME
Ciara: Ashley has over 6,000 followers and I have around 4,000. I really love the variety
of people I get to talk to. We receive messages every day. For me, the attention has had
both positive and negative aspects to it. I feel there is a slight duty on my part to be there
22
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2013
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
''
YOU
DON'T
AlWAYS
HAVt
TOHAVt
THtANSWrns
TOTHtPROBltMS,
BUT
llSTtNING
GOtS
AlONG
WAY.
for people. I love giving advice, so when
''
I get 15 messages from ladies and gents
WHAT MAKES THEIR
RELATIONSHIP WORK
asking for help, I try my hardest to do what
Ashley: I guess what makes it work is just
I can. I can't tell you how many times I have
our pure, raw, natural love for each other.
received messages from our followers
The feelings we have outweigh anything
thanking me for just listening to them.
else. We are normal, just like every other
couple. We fight, we laugh, we disagree,
Ashley: I would call it an honor. I like
but at the end of the day we will always
being there for others; I don't think it's
come back to each other because of that
my job or that I have to force myself on
feeling we hold for one another.
THUNDERSHIRT
CALMS FEAR
OF LIFE'S SCARY SITUATIONS
people [by having a Tumblr presence]. I
just like doing it, and it comes naturally.
HOW THEY GET THROUGH
HARD TIMES
ON COMING
Ciara: Listening. I feel like people don't
OUT
Ciara: My mother basically "outed" me
listen enough in relationships. You don't
when I wasn't quite ready. We had a lot of
always have to have the answers to the
bad fights over this. I think she just didn't
problems, but listening goes a long
know how to handle it, you know? She
way. Empathizing. I try to put myself in
went through the whole cycle of saying
her shoes during the tough times. And
it was a "phase" and that I never showed
support. I back Ashley on any decision
any signs of being a lesbian-because,
she makes. Ashley has Neurofibromatosis,
"it's like a sickness with symptoms!"
which is a genetic disease where her body
Ultimately, it was the reason I had to
grows tumors on her nerve endings. It has
move out.
really been hard on her. She is in constant
pain every day. I know I can't make the
Ashley: I do think it is very important to
pain go away, but I can be there at every
come out because when you're keeping
doctor's appointment and try to pick her
all that in or you're in denial of it because
up when she is feeling bad.
Lotsof dogssufferfromanxiety
or overexcitement.
Wearinga
Thundershirt™
duringstressful
situations
calms&
relaxes
them by
applying
gentle,
hugging
pressure.It'seasyto use,drug
free and vet recommended
for
any dogwho hasscaredy-cat
tendencies.
you don't want others to know, you just
end up living a lie. It gets hard to keep that
Ashley: I think in tough times there is
lie going after a while, and it takes a lot out
nothing that we really need other than
of you- emotionally and physically-to
each other. We don't even need to talk
not just be yourself. Since I came out, my
aloud about what is going on. We can just
confidence has greatly increased. I started
connect with each other emotionally and
acting, dressing and doing things the way
usually,just holding each other gets me
I wanted to do them. I started loving who I
through tough times. Just knowing I still
wanted. It's made me a better person and
have her could get me through anything.•
I'm happier. I'm now at the point where I
don't really care what others think and it
lotharioeatsladiesss.tumblr.com,
feels pretty good.
lotharioslady.tumblr.com
thundershirt
Hug away the fear.
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Matarazzo
and Caroline
Murphy
Sexy Sapphic Scuttlebutt
Heather is single, Christina gets dirty and is the §lueen
finally coming out? ev Jocn vN voo
Day In, Day Out
Daytime talk television is getting a new
face in the form of royalty-The Queen
Latifah Show will air on CBS starting
early next year. But rather than kicking
off the series by digging into a big-name
celeb, according to the National Enquirer,
Queen Latifah may be turning the mic
on herself by publicly outing herself a la
Ellen DeGeneres.
While speculation on her sexuality
has certainly heated up amidst the news
that she'd severed ties with longtime
personal trainer and alleged girlfriend
Jeanette Jenkins and was now frolicking
in Barbados with a new babe, Latifah
has never publicly commented on her
private life. Come January, though, she
might be changing her tune.
It's the Most Horrible Time of the Year
There's no colder time than winter ...
except when you're also weathering a
break-up over the holidays. Such was
the case for The Princess Diaries actor
Heather Matarazzo and her fiancee
Caroline Murphy, who not only were
engaged for over three years, but also
moved clear across the country from
California (where the passing of Prop. 8
24
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
crippled their wedding plans in 2008) to
New York specifically so their marriage
would be legal.
Now that's one Winnebago-ed road
trip we'd rather not take.
Gay: Always in Style
While gay men and fashion are practically synonymous, it's different for out
women in the field. Which is why when
all-American brand J. Crew's president
Jenna Lyons came out at Glamour
magazine's Women of the Year Awards,
it was more than just preppie heads in
boatneck tees that turned.
When Lyons decided to come out, she
chose to take a page out of actor Jodie
Foster's book: in her acceptance speech
as 2012 Fashion Original, she thanked
her girlfriend, jewelry designer Courtney
Crangi, for "show[ing] me new love:'
Previously married and with a son, Lyons
found solace in and heart for longtime
friend Crangi, whom she'd known for
years in the biz.
Coming out in a big way is definitely
a "do" for this season.
XXXMusic
A dykey haircut does not a lesbian make-
yet Miley Cyrus, with her newly shorn
platinum locks may see a windfall from
a girl-on-girl porn deal if she decides to
sign on the dotted line.
According to TMZ, Cyrus was offered a
lucrative contract to star in a softcore film
with porn star Jessie Andrews, who happens to be featured in Miley's new music
video "Decisions:' The idea: recreate the
music video, and subtract clothing as well
as Cyrus's fiance, Liam Hemsworth.
A million dollars to make out with
a porn star? We're more curious to see
who'd be interested in seeing it.
Rrrejected
Looks like motherhood hasn't tempered
Christina Aguilera's inner bad girl-the
ex-Voice coach reportedly set her sights
on fellow Disney Channel alumna Vanessa
Hudgens at a party, inviting her back
home for a threesome with her and the
pop star's boyfriend.
The two women were seen getting
playful, but then "out of the blue [Christina] stumbled over to Vanessa and
begged her to come back home with her
and Matt;' a source told Star. "Vanessa
was taken aback but smiled and politely
declined the offer:'
Getting dirrrty on the dancefloor?
Now that sounds like the Xtina we all
remember.•
VIEWS/SHE
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////4
s
W////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
"I will never say I haven't
fantasized or had sexually
explicit dreams about
women before! That would
make me a liar! I've been
called a lesbian since I got
into the entertainment
business! You're no one till
someone calls you gay lol."
-Marsha Ambrosius on lesbian rumors
ia Facebook
"I've been around the world and back so many times, I
think everybody's gay. Everybody's a little gay. As far as
my personal life, I don't go into details because that's all
I've got-but
I am secure enough to say that of all of my
relationships, I've covered the boundaries ...so the best
thing to do is just be who you are and be proud of it and
hopefully everybody can love who they want to love."
"I have been completely out for 30
years. Everything I've done, every
step I've taken, has been to further a
positive perception of queers within
the world. There was a time in the
u.J
z
early 1990s where they wanted me
2
to wear lipstick. That was the time
z
u.J
""
~
when the lipstick lesbian thing was
z
all the rage. I did it for about six
I
<(
>
months, and then I went, 'I can't do
this anymore. This is not who I am.'
It's not who millions and millions
of dyke butches are out there, and
someone has to present that image.''
-Lea De/aria to
The Huffington Post
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
25
s10UT IN FRONT
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I
PassionPrevails
~
Local community isjust thefirst stop on the road to equality.
~
~
BY SHERYL KAY
-
,
., ..
• l •.
;'
,-; 4
_--~
LOVE
~ ISA
-~ HUMAN
~ RIGHT
~
4
Amnesty International
PROTECT THE HUJ••.tAN
Naome Ruzindana
Rwanda/Sweden» LGBTCivilRights
As if N aome Ruzindana hadn't faced
enough hardship for a lifetime-surviving
several years of massive carnage as
tribal warfare took thousands of lives
in her home country of Rwanda, and
forced her family to flee to Uganda. She
then returned to Rwanda and found the
courage to come out, in one of the most
virulently anti-gay places on the globe.
"Most of my friends started despising
me, and my family was not happy about
what was circulating, and I had to continue disguising and pretending not to be
what they were suspecting;' she recalls.
As with so many lesbians, Ruzindana
felt that it was best to try to conform.
She married a man and had two children.
But she eventually realized she could not
pretend anymore, and although her surrounding environment was (and still is)
extremely homophobic, she became an
ardent LGBT activist.
"There's nothing that grows in the
closet, so I had to come up and speak
about what was not right for me, because
I believe defending people's rights starts
right with me, so I actually did it for myself, not for the community," she says.
"However, many benefited from it, many
learned from it."
Ruzindana is often credited with
starting the LGBT civil rights movements in Rwanda when she returned, a
26
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
decade ago. She helped to found the Horizon Community Association (HOCA), an
NGO that addresses the challenges and
injustices endured by the community
there. She also worked to form the umbrella
group Coalition of African Lesbians, which
originated in Namibia and serves the
needs of gay women across the continent.
Because the government, religious
fundamentalists, and societal tradition
have continued to suppress LGBT people in the name of God, law, and culture
in Rwanda, life is tenuous at best, and
often very dangerous. While there are no
specific laws prohibiting homosexuality,
gays face daily harassment from their
families, at work, in school, at public
facilities and in church. Ruzindana herself recently moved to Sweden to avoid
the unending persecution, but is always
hoping to return home again someday.
"I believe that the strength and change
we are looking for is within us;' Ruzindana says. "Nobody can ever feel your
pain unless you share it out loud. I believe
in persistence and standing up for what I
believe in. Duty first and leisure last:'
Arline Welty
Chicago» Transportation
The daughter of a potter and a graphic
designer, Arline Welty has taken her
affinity for urban and industrial design,
I
.
~
~
coupled with her talent for activism, and
applied them to improving Chicago's
transportation system, especially for bikers. It is not in America's best interests,
she feels, to continue to build expensive
highways for single-occupancy vehicles,
and notes that there are much more
efficient ways to accomplish the same
mobility goals.
"This means that we need to really
rethink the existing physical infrastructure and re-scribe their uses;' says Welty,
the founder of Bike Uptown, a transportation advisory group working with the
local 46th Ward alderman. "I am motivated to try and solve these big problems,
particularly on the neighborhood level,
where you can actually do things like
install a protected bike lane or transform
a street into a plaza:'
While getting around the Windy City
may need a big overhaul, Welty says gay
life is outstanding. Parties with queer
DJs, a lively arts community, the annual
Chicago Dyke March and radical groups
like the Transformative Justice Law Project are just some of the many aspects of
the vibrant gay culture in this city.
"I mean, it is alive;' she says. "I would
invite anyone who is struggling in a
place where it's hard to be out to buy a
Megabus ticket this weekend, come to
Chicago, and be with your people:'
Of course, although she enjoys taking
on an issue like transportation in Chicago,
Welty knows that finding a solution to
some ongoing problems is easier said
than done-such as challenging the very
real homophobia still exists across the
country. She is hopeful that the day will
come when transgender and gendernonconforming people are no longer
targeted for hate-motivated violence and
service denial.
"Queer people everywhere need to be
able to get access to the health care, the
security and the love that they deserve;'
she says. "For my part, I hope to be a lifelong ally for all these issues:' •
-
curve
MUSIC
» FILM
» BOOKS
Woman
Power
Rising
popstarAnjulie
onworking
withtnebest
women
inthebusiness,
andplaying
atTheDinah.
BY JESS MCAVOY
Los Angeles-based Torontonian Anjulie has been turning heads with her infectious
pop music since her hit song "Boom" raced all they way to the top of the U.S. dance
chart in 2009. But this isn't your ordinary pop star. Anjulie is no stranger to being
different, from her exotic Indian features (her grandparents immigrated from India to
Guyana), to fronting a punk band in high school, to writing her own material and other
people's too. If she's not on your music radar yet, she will be soon. Anjulie performs at
The Dinah in 2013 for the first time, at the legendary White Party on April 5.
What are you doing in L.A. at the moment?
Working on the album, writing songs ...
working on the video and stuff.
Are you enjoying the L.A. lifestyle?
I do love living in L.A. It took a while to
adjust to it but it's great.
The Dinah is one of our biggest lesbian
events. Are you looking forward to performing there?
I'm really excited about it. I was supposed
to play it last year but we had the Juno
Awards instead.
I think that's a good excuse to have
missed it last year.
True. I'm excited to play it this year, the
idea of playing on a lineup with all women
is great. I played Lilith Fair in 2010 and
it was amazing.
Why did you love that experience?
A few artists that I love and have always
admired were playing there so it was like
a dream come true. I've always been a huge
fan of Alanis Morissette, Missy Elliott and
many of the artists that have done Lilith.
Plus working with Sarah McLachlan
was really special. That show was really
important to me.
"Brand New Bitch" and "Stand Behind the
Music" are pretty contradictory songs.
How did you go about writing them?
The funny thing is that I wrote them both
the exact same way. I was in the studio
with two different producers. They just
played some chord progressions and I
kind of just freestyled over the music.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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27
REVIEWS/
MUSIC
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EDITOR'S
PICK
How did you start writing songs for other
people?
Well, the funny thing is that I started as
a writer. I started writing prose when I
was really young, then I started playing
guitar. In the beginning I was always trying to get cuts on other people's albums,
and that got me into writing for bands
in Canada. Eventually I got frustrated
by the process, and decided to put out
an independent record. From there I got
really hooked on the underground DJ
scene in L.A., and started working with
different types of producers. It was kind
of organic really. The Nicki Minaj single,
I wrote that for my own record, I decided
it wasn't right for me, so we decided to
shop it and she ended up hearing it. It's
great because it also gives me an outlet to
dabble in other styles that interest me.
You've said before that you felt like an
outsider when you were younger, and
that affected your art.
Well, I felt like an outsider from the start,
I knew very early on that I wasn't going
to fit in so I never tried to fit in. I grew
up in a very white suburb in Ontario, and
no one really looked or acted like me. I'm
really grateful that I never felt that I was
going to be like anyone else, which allowed
me to be very independent.
Do you still struggle with being different?
Luckily I live in Hollywood now, so I
actually feel like the normal one all the
time with everyone here in show business
and trying to stand out.
Do you have any advice for young women
coming into the music industry?
Well, girls can have a hard time because
they are the most desired creatures in the
world at the moment. And with the ability
to create and upload your own content
you can kind of be a little bit careless
about the quality of what you're doing
and the content of what you're doing. I
think it's dangerous because young women
can put themselves out there without
thinking about what they're putting out
there. I have been an advocate of content
verses trends in terms of being satisfied
with what you are doing and bringing
the right message across in what you are
doing rather than just getting fame for
fame's sake. (thedinah.com) •
28
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2013
Tegan and Sarah
Heartthrob
Warner Bros. Records
Queercutie pies Teganand Sara are
at it againwith their latest album
Heartthrob-aperfect namefor a record
from the duo, who are at the top of
almost every lezzie'sheartthrob list. But
this albumisn't about their ability to make
the ladiesswoon; rather, it chroniclesthe
pain,confusionand angerof rejection.
It also marks a sonic departurefrom their
previousalbums.In the past, T&S'ssound
was hauntinglyatmosphericfeaturing
heavysynth and duets so in tune and
intertwinedthat the parity gavethem a
surreal quality,keepingthe listenerat
arm's length.Not so with Heartthrob,
which eschews aloofnessand instead
draws the listener in-deep-to bare
witness to the visceralwreckageof a
brokenheart, in all its gory detail.
The incrediblyintimate"I Wasa Fool
For Love"is a gorgeous,languidlament
that minesthe painand confusionthat
comeswith a lovegonewrong to great
effect. "Now I'mAll MessedUp"laysbare
all the internalizeduncertainty,hurt and
demoralizingups and downs of losinglove.
Thereis an emotionallyhonest
vulnerabilityto Heartthrobthat transmits
a rawness of emotionthat most love
songsonly parody. But that's not to
say that this albumis hard on the ears:
quite the opposite, in fact. Despitethe
melancholysubject matter,the album
features plenty of the catchy beats,
irresistible harmoniesand dance
floor friendly hooksthat T&S are
known for.
Albumopener "Closer" is an up-tempo
auditory salve and it's super sexy to
boot. It's all about sex, but the kind
that goes beyondthe physical,that
simply uses the physicalto connect and
achievea greater emotionalcloseness-a
concept we lesbianscan certainly
identify with.
With their seventhalbum,Teganand
Sara seemto haveachievedthe near
impossible:makinginnovationlook and
soundeffortless, growing and evolving
their soundwhile still maintainingtheir
musicalidentity. Is it too early to declare
Heartthrobthe best albumof 2013?
Maybe.Maybenot. -Rachel Shatto
REVIEWS/
FlLM
Desperately Seeking Charlotte
How a lesbianfilmmaker unveiled one qf thegreat screenicons efour time. ev KARIN
ention the film Kommt
Mausi raus?! (Will Mausi
Come Out?!, 1995) to a
German lesbian and her
face will light up: Angelina
Maccarone's made-for-TV movie was not
only the first lesbian comedy made for a
mainstream German audience but also
an important coming-out film for many
young lesbians. With three other lesbianthemed films under her belt, including the
award-winning Unveiled (2005), the out,
Berlin-based writer-director won herself
an invitation to the prestigious Cannes
Film Festival with Charlotte Rampling:
The Look (2011), an intelligent, fascinating
documentary on the enigmatic British
film icon Charlotte Rampling (Swimming
Pool,Melancholia).
M
What prompted your collaboration with
Charlotte Rampling?
It was the production company that
brought us together. I, of course, was immediately drawn to the chance of making
a film with her. The much greater obstacle was certainly to convince Charlotte to
do the project. So when she allowed me
scH u PP
to visit her in Paris, I knew I had to come
up with something different from a conventionally narrated documentary.
she could watch herself more easily on
screen-something she never really liked
to do before.
It shows her talking with friends about
love, death, desire, taboo-and interweaves these conversations with scenes
from her movies. How did she respond
to the concept?
How would you explain Rampling'siconic
status with lesbians?
At first, she was sceptical. Would it be
interesting for people to listen to her for
90 minutes? I, of course, never doubted
that! In addition, she was initially hesitant to drag her friends into it, because,
I think, basically, she doesn't like being
thrust into the spotlight. But eventually,
she started to trust me and my ideas.
Were you concerned that she wouldn't
approve of the movie, given that in 2009
she tried to block the publication of Barbara Victor's biography of her?
Yes, I was nervous. When the film was
finished, I really wanted her to like it, not
just because without her approval the
film would never have come out, but also
since she had put so much effort, time
and trust in it. So I was deeply relieved
when she called and said that the film
even changed her view of herself, so that
I think she has a very intelligent sex
appeal. And there's something enigmatic
about her, some mystery. Also, she likes
suits and looks really good in male
attire. I can't speak for all the lesbians
in the world, but to me all that is very
attractive.
Your career started with Kommt Mausi
raus?! How did that film come about?
Mausi is the film I would have loved to
watch myself at that time, a comedy that
would make people laugh about themselves and the whole absurd concept of
coming out. I won a contest with the treatment, and a TV network agreed to produce
the film and let me co-direct as well.
Everything Will Be Fine, another lesbian
comedy, won the audience awards at
LGBT film festivals in Los Angeles, New
York and Toronto.
That was great! It was overwhelming to
have an audience who liked my film, even
though it was from Germany and they had
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
29
REVIEWS/
FlLM
to read subtitles. And on top of that, with
such a spoiled audience who has a wider
choice oflesbian films than we do.
You shot two more lesbian-themed films,
Unveiled and To Live. Were you ever worried you'd be pigeonholed?
I just go with the story I want to tell, and
Unveiled:sabout an Iranian lesbian who
is seeking political asylum in Germany
and has to take on the role of a man. The
potential financial backers said, "But
does she have to be a lesbian? Do we really need two minorities in one film?" But
it was exactly that multilayered aspect
that interested me.
So do we still need lesbian movies at all?
Lesbian movies, that's such a strange
genre [pauses J. What we need are films
with lesbian protagonists. But I don't like
a movie just because it has lesbian main
characters. It's the story that matters.
What are your reservations about the
genre term "lesbian movie"?
As long as lesbian films are categorized
as a specific genre, the following will happen: When you're out pitching a project
with a lesbian main character, it will
automatically be regarded as the main
topic and the production company will
say, "We've already done a lesbian movie!"
They won't give you much room for anything else to tell, and that's very limiting.
Do you feel it's more difficult to be a
female filmmaker.
I have to admit, it is more difficult to be
a female filmmaker and, on top of that,
a lesbian filmmaker. In the beginning, I
was in total denial about that, because
the doors opened so easily for me. But by
now, I have learned it's more difficult.
How so?
The decision makers are predominately
straight men, so it's easier for them to
relate to a guy's story with straight characters, and believe in its success. I'm lucky to
have found a niche for my work. However,
each time I finish a film, I feel very vulnerable because I don't have the assurance my
next project will get financed.
You like to collaborate with women, like
cinematographer Judith Kaufmann and
editor Bettina Bohler.
Bettina and Judith are both very important to me because of the quality they
bring to my work. We can trust each other
enough to accept criticism. They are the
first to read my scripts and they judge
them mercilessly. Which I appreciate
even though I might not like what they
have to say. [Laughs]
Have you ever thought about going international with a feature film?
Actually, I'm developing a script right
now that I hope to be able to shoot with
Charlotte Rampling.
If Hollywood called and money was no
object, what would you do?
Well, I wouldn't tell any other story, although it would be great to have ample
production conditions. Just give me $3
million, so that I can pay my cast and
crew appropriately! •
D~D
PIGKS»
BYRACHEL
SHATTO
THREE VEILS
Peccadillo Pictures
Thissentimentalstory from lesbian
director RollaSelbakfollowsthree
Arabwomen,one in an arranged
engagement,a second(Sheetal
Sheth)who is actingout and spiralingout of controland a third whose
shameover her lesbianismleads
her to bury her feelingsin religion.
Eachoverlappingvignetteoffers two
perspectives-firstfrom the outside,
then from their viewpoint-each
offers a deeperlookat their motivations. Whilethe endingmayleave
somedisappointedit's an interesting
film that breaksfrom the painfully
narrow representationArabwomen
typicallyreceivein films.Andany
chanceto watch Shethin actionis
alwayswelcome.
30
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
JACK&DIANE
Magnolia Home
Entertainment
Jackand Dianeis a strangelittle
film, part lovestory, part horror
movie-in which the intensityof
new lovegets a visceralandgory
interpretation.A chancemeeting
leadsDiane(JunoTemple)andJack
(RileyKeough)to an undeniable
connectionthat is immediateand
powerful.Thereis only one problem:
Dianemayor may not be a werewolf.
Whileunevenand morethan a little
confusing,the film boastsa variety
of compellingmomentsand a stellar
soundtrack. Despiteits flaws, this
film is well worth a look,particularly
with the dearthof lesbianhorror
films-althoughthis one is less Ginger
Snapsand moreBlackSwan.
2013
APACHES
Women Make Movies
LOST GIRL: SEASON TWO
Funimation
This lesbianinclusivedocumentary
followsthe all-womanfirefighter
crew Apache8. For30 yearsApache
8 hasfoughtwildfiresacrossthe
nation.Thecrew faced down gender
stereotypeswith unbelievable
hardwork and provedthemselves
alongsidetheir malecounterparts,
becomingsomeof the nation's
most elitefirefighters.Thedoc also
toucheson the personallivesof a
handfulof the crew highlighting
the
struggles,sacrificesandtragedies
they havefaced in order to provide
for their families.Oftenbittersweet
but alwaysinspiringApache8
beautifullyshowcasesthe strength,
resilienceandtoo often untapped
potentialof women.
With seasonthree of Lost Girlkicking
off this month,now is the perfecttime
to catch up.Thisurbanfantasyseries
follows Bo, a bisexualsuccubuswho
alongwith her humansidekickKenzi
runsa P.I.agency.Stuckbetweenthe
dark and lightfae world, Bo is also
caughtbetweentwo loveinterests:
Dyson,a shapeshiftingdetectiveand
Laurena sexy humandoctor (guess
who we're rootingfor). Seasontwo
of this sexy Syfy seriespicks up
followingBo'sbattlewith her mother
Aoife,which has left the Faeworld in
turmoiland it's up to Boto set things
straightwhiletrying to maintainher
freedom.Forfans of Buffyor the
RachelMorganbookseries,this is a
must-watch.
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
W//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
''
MYPUSSY
TAltS
ARtMAINlY
ABOUT
CATS
l'VtKNOWN.
''
1~1ot
On ff er l7ale
1
Gina
Gershon
shows
asofter
side
when
shegoes
insearch
ofherlostkitty.
L L
WW
s
BY KIM HOFFMAN
o I lost my cat;' writes
Gina Gershon in her
new book, In Search
of Cleo: How I Found
My Pussy and Lost My
Mind. The screen siren and lesbian icon
best known for her roles in Bound and
Showgirls knows firsthand about that
special bond women have with their
pets-so much so that when her cat Cleo
disappeared, she spent two and a half
months scouring L.A. on a quest to find
her feline friend.
"It was a very vulnerable time for me;'
Gershon recalls. Several people close to
her had died, including her Uncle Jack
and her dear friend, director Ted Demme.
"I had just broken up with my boyfriend
of eight years," she adds. It was the fragility following grief that led her into a
wacky but heart-drivenjourneywhere she
became acquainted with a spectrum of
characters: street people, prison inmates,
psychics and cult leaders, and yes, even
animal shelters.
Before he went missing on that fateful
day, Gershon and Cleo had been together
for three years. How the two met went a
little something like this: Girl lives in New
York; cat sits upon girl's windowsill night
after night, hoping to be welcomed into
her home. Girl gives in and falls madly in
love. At first, Gershon was sure this kitty
was a girl, hence the name Cleopatra. But
an enlightening trip to the vet proved
otherwise and, as Gershon records in her
book, Cleopatra became Master Cleohold.
Cleo for short. Three idyllic years went by
with the Master at her side.
On the day Cleo disappeared, Gershon's
eccentric assistant, whom she refers to
as Cassandra (some names have been
changed), was left in charge of household
duties while Gershon was away at the
Cannes Film Festival, but Cassandra lost
Cleo in her bundle of blankets when she
tried to take him to the dog groomer. Yes,
the dog groomer. Fuming, heartbroken
and confused, Gershon had little idea of
what lay ahead in her quest to find Cleo.
In Search of Cleo is not Gershon's first
foray into celebrating her love for her
cat. In 2007 she recorded an eponymous
album in honor of Cleo. Gershon, whose
singing voice is velvety and deep, with
that familiar rasp we've come to know
and love, most recently finished recording
the audio version of her book. "Thematically [the album and the book are] very
similar: what people go through in order
to find true love:'
With that level of devotion, it's no
surprise that when it came to bringing
her feline companion home, Gershon was
willing to explore any avenue-no matter
how strange. She roamed the streets of
West Hollywood with a tuna can and a
knife (L.A. at dawn can be quite dodgy).
She put up posters offering a handsome
reward, an ad in the newspaper, and
T-shirts were made begging the question:
"Got Cleo?"
Along the way she met soul-soothing
Arthur, a newspaper delivery man who
would call upon her anytime he saw a black
cat on his route. Even Ellen DeGeneres
had a hand in the search, accompanying
Gershon through the streets yodeling her
specific catcall, ''You are no good!" In fact,
it was DeGeneres who enlisted the help
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
31
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
GROWING
PAINS
Women discover and love who they are
BYRACHEL
PEPPER
of a psychic named Sonia who instructed
Gershon to pee in a jar and dribble it
behind her as she searched for Cleo. And
so she did. Armed with a vessel filled with
her own urine, Gershon was caught in
a woman's backyard in the wee (pardon
the pun) morning hours. Gershon writes,
"She paused for a minute, cocked her
head, and asked, 'Aren'tyou that lady from
Showgirls?'"
In Search of Cleo is a lighthearted read
that will take you through a labyrinth of
characters, animals, memories, dreams
and revelations. And it will likely give you
yet another reason to admire the talented
actor-turned-writer. Gershon is optimistic that her lezzie fans will embrace her
book. "Hopefully they will get into the
love story of the whole thing and not be
too disappointed that my pussy tales are
mainly about cats I'veknown:'With a story
as cleverly written and rife with hilarious
plot twists as this, she needn't worry.•
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2013
Hot&Heavy:
Fierce Fat Girls
on Life, Love &
Fashion, edited
by Virgie Tovar
(Seal Press)
Fatgirls continue
to come into their
own culturally,and
this book makesa contributionto that
trend. Theeditor,VirgieTovar,is a San
Franciscofat activist and sexologist
who's compileda book of essaysby
womenwho celebratethe experience
of beingfat. As Tovarstates in her
introduction,"Weare the cupcake
warriors, the sensualists,the plus-size
queens.Weare flag-bearersin a turgidly
anti-pleasuresociety."
Tovarhas gathereda wonderful
assortmentof writers for her anthology.
Theessaysare dividedintothree
categories,as you seeinthe title,though
somecommonthreadsemerge.Not
surprisingly,this includesthe realitythat
it'stoughto grow up fat, andhardto be
the subjectof ridiculefrom other children.
As Tovarherselfwrites, "Theageof five
provedto be the year of my inauguration
into a world where myfat wasn't hot
anymore.I lost my senseof self when
I was introducedto the evil,dark, and
horribleworld of primaryschool."
Sufferingsuchshamein childhoodis
a componentof manyof the stories,and
for somewriters it carriesover intotheir
adultyears.Butthis bookis no pity party,
becauseoneof the prevalentthemesis
learninghow to loveyourselfexactlyas
you are, no matterwhat your weight.
Anotheris seekingempowerment-through
activism,sexwork, intimaterelationships,
performanceart. Forsomewomen,this
empowermentoccursthroughfashion,
as EmmaCorbett-Ashbywrites when
discussingher loveof "fatshion":"Wedon't
needclothesthat don'tflt, aretoo tight, or
are not designedfor our bodies.... Great
outfits makeus feelgoodin our bodies,
which makesus carry ourselveswith
prideand pleasure."
Andnowhereis the themeof selflovebetterexploredthan in AlysiaAngel's
sublimeessay,"DearSweetBody."This
piecewill resonatenotjust with fat women,
but with anywomanwho haslearnedto
loveherselfdespitebeingat oddswith
somesocietal,family,or personalbeliefs.
Angelwrites: "DearSweetBody,Youare a
temple.Youare pillarsof past,wallsof art,
high-arching
doorwaysof history.Youare
a placeof worshipfor someanda place
to rest weary headsof others... Youare a
journey.Youare smoothbrow and heaving
heart... Youareyouthfulandoldandalways
free. Youbelongto no one... Sweetbody.
Youare a beauty."
The You Know
Who Girls:
Freshman Year,
Annameekee
Hesick (Bella
Books)
It's not easy to write
humorouslyabout
lesbianadolescence.
It's a gift and a talent, and Annameekee
Hesick, a Santa Cruzteacher and the
author of the YouKnow WhoGirls
series, has both. FreshmanYearis the
first entry in the series, focusing on
freshman Abbey Brooks and her circle
of friends. The "you know who girls" are
lesbian basketball players and Abbey
is warned about them before school
starts. She and her best friend Kate
makea pinky promise not to hangout
with such girls when they start high
school, lest their reputation as straight
girls should suffer. But since one of
them is secretly gay, and since they
both end up joining the basketballteam,
drama ensues.
This is a fun debut novel, best
enjoyedby adult lesbians nostalgic
for their highschool sports teams. As
a novel for teen readers, it's not as
successful. The book's main character,
at 14, is entering ninth grade when
the book begins.Yet, she's almost
immediatelyswept up into a relationship
with a sexuallyexperiencedlesbian
senior, age 17.ThoughHesicktries hard
to capture the confusion and euphoria
of first love, somethingabout the story
just doesn't ring true. But kudos to
Hesickfor bringinga new voice to teen
lit, and to lovableAbbey for surviving
her freshman year. And happilyfor all,
sophomoreyear for the "you know who
girls" will be here soon.
••
SHION]
rfn the Flesh
Style mavens Stella & Lucy remind
us why in fashion, sometimes less
is so much more.
PHOTOS BY ALEX STYLES
Hi Curvettes,
We're backl You can imagine the delight when
we were assigned a fashion spread in the Sex
issue. We hear the word "sex" and barn, we
stand to attention.
We have been riddled with flu, so no whips and
chains, unfortunately-just boxes of tissues and
medicine. Good thing we weren't modeling, eh?
Hello, career killer. Runny noses don't say sex,
that's not the sort of juices you want to see flowing. Ahem. That was a real cough.
Our own questions of what's sexy have been up
for discussion this last month, with our wedding
plans underway. Yes, that's right ladies, your
very own Stella and Lucy are getting married,
so plans a-plenty. We need your help. Not too
sure what's most shocking at the moment-the
fact that we are two women who never believed
they would get the chance to be married or that
we are sitting here flicking through wedding
mags that only represent straight-laced couples
and castles. If we wanted to see a castle we'd
visit Buckingham Palacel This may be harder
than we thought.
So ladies, you're in for a fashion treat this month.
Brace yourselves: there was paint involved, and
24 hours later we're still scrubbing it off Not the
sort of paint you can lick off, damn it.
This month we've taken a literal stance on sexy,
leaving the clothes at the door, creating style
through body identity. This is your first layer of
fashion before the garments. Hair is fashion, skin
is fashion, tan is fashion, tattooing is fashion, nail
polish is fashion and makeup is fashion. We've
gone back to basics, with the idea of you as a
real representation of beauty.
Guess what? We're growing wings-no, we're
not angels, far from it-but we are flying over
to see you in January. Hello Americal So how
you fixed? Anyone have room for a couple of
strays-oops gays?
BELLEWEARS
LINGERIEBY
ANN SUMMERS
Until next time,
~~
'-~~
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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33
LE/FASHION
This nionth we've taken a literal
stance on sexy, leaving the
clothes at the doo,; creating
style through body identity.
THIS IS YOUR FIRSTLAYEROF
FASHION BEFORETHE GARMENTS.
NATASHA
AND BETH
34
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
KELLYWEARS
CORSETAND HAT BY
STELLANLUCYCOUK
AND KNICKERSBY
ANN SUMMERS
~
1(/)
X
UJ
...J
<{
NATASHAWEARS
A LEATHERJACKET
BY NEW LOOK AND
LINGERIEBY ANN
SUMMERS
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
35
LE/FASHION
He'vegone
back to basics~
with the idea qf
YOU AS A REAL
REPRESENTATION
OF BEAUTY.
36
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2013
l
j
LE/FASHION
[FASHION]
Rebecca's Secret
A lesbian designer branches out into feel-good lingerie.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
I PHOTOS BY ANNE NECZYPOR
Rebecca Szymczak knows a thing or two about
fashion As a former designer for DKNY and
Nike, and the current creative director/vice
president of design at Playboy Licensing, Inc.,
the Manhattan-based Renaissance woman (she
holds a BA in design with a minor in psychology
and is stunning enough to act as a model
for her own innovative outfits) happily defies
the stereotype of lesbians as anti-fashion.
Szymczak has now launched her own label,
BEX nyc, which produces luxurious lingerie to
make women feel sexy and comfortable. These
quality garments will appeal to your inner vixen,
and, as lovely as they are, it's likely that under
the admiring gaze of your lady lover, you won't
be in them for long.
Born in the heartland of Pennsylvania and
educated in the liberal cities of Amsterdam and
Toronto, Szymczak, 30, has been out to family
and friends since the age of 18,and out professionally ever since graduation. She has a fresh,
liberated approach to fashion and oversees the
design and aesthetic of Playboy's, somewhat
controversial, global product. As a lesbian,
she has no hesitation about representing the
brand. "Since the 1950s, when the company was
founded, Hugh Hefner has always advocated
for women's rights and civil rights. We also have
many strong female executives, and our goal
from a product standpoint is to design and
distribute product that makes women feel good
about themselves when they wear it."
It seems perfectly natural, then, that Szymczak
would feel comfortable designing lingerie that
actually empowers women, rather than making
38
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
them feel inadequate. "I truly believe underwear
is the foundation of your outfit and will set the
tone for your day. You can always wear sexy
underwear that makes you feel beautiful."
Inspired since childhood by Madonna, who she
admires as a sexually empowered businesswoman, brand and fashion icon, Szymczak aims
to impart a little of the entertainer's confidence
through her own label.
"BEX nyc pushes the limits of the average
woman, making her feel daring, confident and
feminine all at once."
But don't think this is strictly for femmes. The
label combines the details of men's underwear
with feminine and sexy silhouettes, and the
clever packaging is designed to delight the
purchaser as much as the wearer. Lesbians who
are either boxer- or thong-reliant would do well
to reevaluate the power of the unseen.
"If you thoughtlessly throw on your worn-out,
cotton, back-of-the-underwear-drawer briefs,
you're inevitably going to feel less beautiful and
less sexual than if you choose underwear that
flatters your shape and makes you feel hot,"
says Szymczak. "Whether it's a great-fitting pair
of boy briefs or a French lace thong, if you feel
attractive in it you will exude that confidence
all day."
Her insider intimates tip? Clean out your undies
drawer once a season and throw away anything
you feel less than fabulous in. You might even
find some worthy replacements in these pages.
(bexnyc.com)
SPEAKEASY
BRALETTE,
MERLOT;SATIN
SPEAKEASYTAP
PANT,MERLOT
THE MISTERBRA;
THE N0.2 SKIRT;
LEATHEROPERA
GLOVESAND
COLLAR
THE GANGSTER
TAP PANT
These quality
garments will
appeal to your
•
•
inner vixen,
an~ as lovely as
they are, it's
likely that under
THE ADMIRING
GAZE OF YOUR
LADY LOVER
YOU WON'T BE
IN THEM FOR LONG.
STOCKSAND
BONDAGEBRA;
STOCKSAND
BONDAGETAP
PANT
ANGRY OSTRICH
JACKET,BLACK;
THE ALTERBRA;
LE FUMEUR
PANTY
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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-
--
- --
VI,
II
"We've ripped the Band-Aid of West
Hollywood off and we have moved into
the domesticity of Highland Park;' says
the dreadlocked Mixter of her new digs
far away from the flashing lights and
throbbing bass line of L.A:s hot queer
hub. ''As we pulled up I had a moment of
panic. I turned to Sara and said, 'I feel like
we're in the middle of nowhere' and she
said, 'No we're not; and literally as I said
that, a rooster started crowing outside our
window:'
To recap, the pair married on June 17,
2012 at Limoneira Ranch in Santa Paula,
Calif. Looking back on their big day, they
recount the most dazzling details.
"The moment that was the most
memorable for me was definitely when
I was about to walk down the aisle with
my mother and it was the first time that I
was able to take a deep breath and relax in
months;' says Mixter. "Looking out, once I
got up to the altar, and to see all the people
I love most in my life from the East Coast
and West Coast, and all of my and Sara's
family in one setting-it was overwhelming
to see Sara walk down the aisle looking so
beautiful, it was so picturesque and so, so
beautiful. It was perfect:'
"I pulled up in a trolley with my family
and friends and Whitney had already
walked down the aisle with her mom;'
recalls Bettencourt. "I was overwhelmed
42
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2013
In June of 2012, lesbian
heartthrob Whitney Mixter and
her girlfriend, makeup artist
Sara Bettencourt, tied the knot
in front of millions of wellwishers on the season finale of
Showtime's The Real L Word.
Over six months have passed
since the made-for-TV nuptials,
so what has happened since
the cameras stopped rolling?
Now, the newlyweds talk
about married life, love and
leaving West Hollywood in the
rearview mirror.
BY JANELLE SORENSON
AND MELANY JOY BECK
PHOTOS BY LARA HOTZ
with emotion and I wanted to cry. I wanted
to laugh. I wanted to die. I was literally like,
I'm going die. My knees were weak. The
entire walk down to her and reading our
vows to each other-it was so surreal and
amazing. Really one of the most beautiful
moments of my life:'
Since their wedding and subsequent
move, Mixter and Bettencourt have shifted
their focus from building a relationship
together to building a business: a clothing
line that combines their mutual passions
for fashion and humanitarian work.
"It's going to be coming out in the next
month or so;' says Mixter. "It's called Cloth
and Justice. We combined both of our
creative efforts and passion for helping out
those less fortunate:'
"We are such a team;' adds Bettencourt.
"We both love fashion. She was working
on her own thing and I was working on my
own thing and we kept trying to combine
it. Whitney's a little hard-headed. She said,
'I don't know if it's a good idea that we
work together: We spend every moment
together. It came down to me convincing
her and once I got past that part, it just
made so much sense:'
They have been working hard in
other areas as well. "You mean we're
not just full-time dramatic lesbians?"
jokes Mixter. "In truth, we actually work
a lot. Sara is still a freelance hair and
-
-
with Lauren and Amanda, Kiyomi, and we talk to Tracy and Nikki
and Jill. In terms of Romi, we reached a point in our relationship
makeup artist and I still do event promotions. I'm resuming my that we went different ways. I will say for the record that neither
Sara nor I judged Romi on her sexual preference. That would be
passion for art and still doing some special effects:'
Between the wedding, celebrity appearances and starting a incredibly one-sided to do that. I don't want to be judged on that
nor would I judge anyone else. So friendship-wise it had nothing
business, they haven't had time for a honeymoon, a fact Mixter
to do with that. We've moved on, we don't really talk:'
does not take lightly.
While they may have put the drama behind them, there are
"I can't believe we haven't taken our honeymoon yet. It's like,
every time someone asks me [about the honeymoon] and Sara's some exciting changes coming their way. When it comes to adding
around, I feel like I need to duck. We've been super busy since to their family, Mixter says, "Sara and I feel incredibly passionate about children and family in general. That will absolutely be
the show wrapped and honestly have been doing so much travcoming in the near future:'
eling for events and working, we just now
Bettencourt agrees. "We've always
promised ourselves that this spring we will
wanted kids. Whitney wants to have two, I
be heading to the Azore Islands in Portugal
want to have two, but I want to adopt one
to finally relax."
as well:'
A little rest and relaxation may be exactly
(L
As for a timeline for creating mini
what Mixter and Bettencourt need after their
Whitneys and Saras, they're thinking behigh-stress season of dyke drama.
tween two and three years-just enough
"Emotions are a little less high strung
time to enjoy life as a couple.
when it's just us;' Mixter says. "Having a
"I love everything about it;' says Betwhole crew follow you around night and day
tencourt of married life. "I'm happier than
can definitely add to the way that you process
I
I've ever been. I love how far I've come
things, making your emotional state a little
with Whitney. I've always been such a free
elevated, you could say."
spirit, fun, outgoing. Not that I'm not that
So what do the two sexy stars do when
anymore, but it feels so good. I'm in a place
they're alone together? "We're on the road so
much that our date nights usually include exploring a new city right now where I know where my life is going to end up and what
it's going to look like. Everything I see in my future is so fulfilling.
together;' says Mixter. "When we're home, it's time much cherThere's nothing that can replace that:'
ished so we usually spend it going for a hike or cooking together
And considering the fairytale wedding, the Showtime success,
at the house with some good wine:'
As for whether or not they stay in touch with the cast of The and new business ventures on the horizon, the future is looking
bright for reality TV's hottest pair. (clothandjustice.com) •
Real L Word, Mixter reveals "We have a really close relationship
£mot:i.olt6
au, lit:tlL
/.E,,66
hi:gl,,
6~w/un,
iL 6iu6tu6.
44
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2013
"I ts'
HOT!"
- Birds on the Blog. com
"Conn's film upends traditional prejudices regarding a woman's age,
beauty and sexuality through depicting tender and joyous lovemaking
scenes that will turn any theater screening this film into an instant sauna."
- BeyondChron.com
I
I
I
I
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2013
AS TOLD TO MERRYN JOHNS
PHOTOGRAPHY BY KWESI ABBENSETTS
Janiaican
EDDING
A LESBIANCOUPLETAKETHEIRVOWSAND MAKENEWS
When Nicole Y.Dennis, 30, and Dr. Emma K T.Benn, 29, decided to hold their
wedding ceremony in Dennis' home country, Jamaica, their intention was to re-enact their
legal union cf Brooklyn, NY,for family on the Caribbean island. But their private expression
cf love on Memorial Day Weekend 2012 soon turned into a political incident that received
media attention around the world. Here, they share their story.
Nicole: I had just started my job as a
project manager for a research study at
Columbia University and had decided to
attend a talk on health disparities. Halfway through the talk, a beautiful woman
raised her hand. There she was, standing confidently, all eyes on her, as she
challenged the speaker. After the talk, I
wanted to approach her to tell her that
I loved her question and admired her
courage. I wanted to know who she was.
A student? A faculty member? American or from the Caribbean? With her
beautiful bronze complexion and dreadlocks, I thought for a second that she was
Jamaican, the daughter of a Rastafarian
who lived close to the ocean, with hair
bleached by the sun. I lost courage and
walked away, but I never stopped thinking about her. Two weeks later, I saw
her at work. The colleague I was going
to lunch with turned out to be a mutual
colleague and casually greeted her. I was
not prepared for this encounter-one I
had fantasized about since the first day
I saw her. Emma appeared excited to
meet me. Her handshake was firm. Her
eyes were on me while I struggled to find
my tongue. She gave me her business
card and told me to e-mail her, which
I did. I suggested we do lunch but she
suggested we do dinner instead. It was
history after that.
Emma: I thought I had kept my cool so
well that it would be impossible for her
to see how taken I was by her beauty.
When we had our first date, I knew
from that moment on, she was the one.
Up until that point, I had not come out
of the closet, but I had to be real with
myself. I didn't believe that I could truly
love Nicole with all my heart, soul, and
mind unless I was honest with the world
about my love for her.
Nicole: I knew that she was the one I
wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
I began my search for rings in the fall of
2009. She doesn't believe in diamonds,
so I wanted to have her ring custom
made. I came across a ring designer
in Canada, Touch Wood Rings. It was
through their site that I found the perfect
ring for Emma-made of juniper hardwood with golden koa inlay. I hid the
ring for a month in my drawer, tucked
neatly between folds of underwear, taking it out each day to stare at it before
putting it back. I didn't know how much
longer I could keep such a wonderful
secret from my partner. On the day of
the proposal, we had made plans to go
out to dinner at Sushi Samba, where
we'd had our first date. I wanted to propose
to her there, getting down on one knee,
but that didn't match my style. So on the
morning of our anniversary, VHI Soul
was playing one of our favorite songs,
John Legend's "Ordinary People:' Emma
asked me to dance. I took her hand and
we danced. There was no way I could
keep my secret from her any longer. After
the song ended, I went and got the ring.
I proposed to her right there in our living
room. And a resounding yes followed.
Emma: We began planning the wedding
a year after our engagement. I was finishing my doctoral program in biostatistics
at Columbia University and Nicole was
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I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
finishing her MFA in fiction at Sarah
Lawrence College. We wanted to get
married when we were both free of these
academic endeavors. When same-sex
marriage was legalized in New York, we
were so excited. We decided to take care
of the legal stuff at our local municipal
building in Brooklyn, which we did on
April 6, 2012. But then we started thinking
that it might not be easy for Nicole'sfriends
and family in Jamaica to get visas to come
to our wedding. So why not do a destination wedding celebration in Jamaica?
Nicole: Although I was really excited
about having our wedding celebration
in my homeland, I was worried about
whether its oppressive homophobia would
prevent us from making our dream come
true. Our wedding planner convinced me
that a private ceremony could be held in
a villa in front of friends and family,
where no one would see or hear about
it. We had often traveled to Jamaica as a
couple, and Emma had fallen completely
in love with my island. Once Jamaica
became our definite location, Emma and
I took turns calling resorts in Kingston,
the South Coast, and the North Coast.
We were prepared to come out as lesbians
over and over again. We wanted to be as
clear as possible. One prominent Kingston
hotel told us they could host our wedding
under one condition: that we not use
their outdoor premises. But an indoor
wedding would defeat the purpose of
getting married in Jamaica, with all its
natural beauty, so we thanked her and
moved on. Another hotel advised us
to try Hedonism, a notoriously adult-
48
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
oriented resort. We're not heathenswe're two women in love. A Jamaican
heterosexual acquaintance of mine had
gotten married at Silver Sands Villas
in Trelawny, and had nothing but good
things to say about it. With its quaint
villas and beautiful gazebo overlooking
the Caribbean Sea, it provided the privacy
we needed. Silver Sands representatives
welcomed the idea of us having a samesex wedding celebration there. Not only
did they hang and steam our wedding
attire on the day, they also sprinkled rose
petals on our white sheets.
Emma: Thirty-seven family members
and friends-from
Pennsylvania, New
York, Massachusetts, Arizona and Jamaica
came to celebrate with us. We really felt
that everyone who was supposed to be
at our celebration was there. Despite
the fact that our mothers declined our
invitation, all our guests surrounded us
with so much love
that we never had
to think about them
not being there. Nicole's father and my
aunt, in place of my
father, who could
not be there because
of health problems,
walked us down the
aisle to the song
"African Queen:' My
aunt and I were crying tears of joy all
the way down the
aisle, while Nicole
and her father play-
fully focused on their synchronized twostep. We had a signature drink called "The
A Train;' a rum punch named after the
New York City express train that connected
us during the early days of our dating.
Nicole: We assumed that our wedding
was a private ceremony-under a gazebo
by the ocean, in a gated resort, with only
friends and family. However, when we
got back to the U.S., we found out that
our wedding had been leaked to Jamaica's
national newspaper, The Gleaner. On
June 1, 2012, they published a story
about our wedding with an extremely
negative spin. Emma and I were angry
and felt violated. However, I decided
that I would write the true account of
our beautiful story on my blog. Word
of my blog spread and the next thing I
knew, The Gleaner called to apologize
about their article and explained that
they would write a new article that
would share the beauty of our union.
They published it on the front page on
June 4, 2012, and a supportive editorial on June 5. Our wedding celebration
was bigger than the two of us. Ebony.
com was reaching out, then NPR, then
TVJ [one of Jamaica's main television
channels]. Everyone wanted to hear our
story. Lesbian and gay Jamaicans started
e-mailing me through my blog, thanking
me for my courage. It meant so much to
me, because I grew up feeling invisible in
my country, because of its homophobia.
Yet our wedding gave so many people
a voice and revived hope for the LGBT
community in Jamaica and the African
diaspora.•
'l HE Al{'C OF
7
r. Glenda Corwin wants
you to start having sex on
purpose. In 1983, lesbian public enemy
No. 1 Pepper Schwartz coined the term
"lesbian bed death" in her book American Couples, and we've been hopelessly
fighting against or passively caving in
to our sexless fate ever since-in fact,
according to surveys by both Schwartz
and Corwin, only 20 percent of lesbian
couples living together for 10 years or
more are officially "sexually active:'
"The term lesbian bed death;' explains
Dr. Corwin, "was used to describe research
findings that lesbian couples are less
sexually active than their gay male or
heterosexual counterparts, and suggested
that we are inevitably doomed to give
up on sexual intimacy!' Nearly 30 years
after American Couples was published,
Dr. Corwin tells us that it's time to start
rethinking the whole subject of what
we do together in bed. In her new book,
Sexual Intimacy for Women: A Guidefor
Same-Sex Couples, Dr. Corwin, a sexual
SEXUAL
INTIMA(JY
D,•.Glendo C01•1rintlwns "lesbion bed deot'1"
into lorin' lesbim1 se.,·.
BY YANA TALLON-HICKS
intimacy psychologist, busts common
myths associated with lesbian sex life
(no, lesbian sex isn't all floral metaphors
and mutual masturbation!) and describes
ways to overcome the common hurdles
to lasting lesbian loving (hello: body
image issues, age, stress!). Dr. Corwin
shows us not only how to resuscitate our
dying lesbian bed, but also how we can
keep it alive and well for years to come.
First, it's time to get real about what
our sex lives are and are not. Dr. Corwin
tells us that the first step is to let go of
some unrealistic expectations. The belief
that our initial sexual passion can last us
through an entire decades-long relationship is a damaging one, says Dr. Corwin,
but the biggest hurdle to a long-term
sexual relationship is the notion that
sex can and should always be spontaneous. "The Myth of Spontaneity is the
biggest stumbling block," she explains.
"We cling to this notion that sex should
happen spontaneously, without having
to really pay attention and make some
effort. What else do we approach that
way? Hardly anything. If you want to
be physically fit, you go exercise. If you
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
49
want a close family life, you spend time
with your family. If you want a sexually
intimate relationship, you need to be intentional about it, and stop relying on a
nonexistent impulse to drive this."
Too often, Dr. Corwin says, we
women complacently sit around waiting
for spontaneous desire to strike, when,
as women in a same-sex relationship,
sexual spontaneity is simply against our
nature. In Sexual Intimacy for Women,
Dr. Corwin discusses the difference between the "spontaneous desire" model-a
male-centric pattern of arousal that puts
a certain body part first and the brain
second-and the female-centric "responsive desire" model. "We may joke about
which part of the body is leading the
charge, but in reality, for us, it's usually
the brain;' she writes. "The physiological
responses of arousal, such as lubrication
and clitoral engorgement, often happen
after sexual contact begins." We've been
conditioned to believe that all our sex
lives should follow the male-centric pattern of sexual spontaneity to such a
point that when sex doesn't happen this
way, many of us passively accept it as the
inevitable lesbian bed death. Turns out,
Pepper Schwartz had it all wrong-our
sex lives are not paltrier than those of
gay men or heterosexual couples, they
simply look different.
So, what does this mean for our sex
lives? It means that, unlike gay male and
heterosexual couples, we lesbians need
to get busy planning how we're going
to get busy. ''A majority of sexually satisfied women say they don't feel much
spontaneous desire ...the response in
'responsive desire' is first felt by you, and
later by your partner. Instead of waiting
around passively for spontaneous desire
to strike, it's entirely possible to actively
set the stage in which sexual desire and
arousal can flourish:'
In order to do this, Dr. Corwin says,
it's essential that we get intentional about
our sex lives. "When you intentionally stir
up sexual feelings in yourself, by choosing
to focus on things that turn you on, you're
creating responsive desire;' she says. "In
other words, your sexual arousal is in
response to your own thoughts and
behaviors, the things you do to get yourself
in a sexual mood:' Though the effortless,
50
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
spontaneous sexual desire you felt when
you first met your sweetie isn't going to
magically reappear, we can re-create it if
we choose to get intentional. "Just think
about how you acted when you first
started seeing your partner," Dr. Corwin
suggests. "You probably spent a lot of
time planning and preparing-where to
go, what to do, what to wear, how to woo
her-and you probably also had a lot of
erotic fantasies about her, wondering
how it would feel to kiss her, hold her, and
more. All these thoughts and behaviors
stir up a lot of sexual feelings, and then
it feels spontaneous. That's what you can
do now, intentionally, to put energy back
into your sex life."
Of course, no one said getting intentional about your sex life would be easy.
"It's easy for two women to slide into old
roles where both learned to react, not
to initiate, so now no one wants to go
first," she says. This, combined with the
increased risks of rejection and shame,
can make the idea of initiating purposeful sex awfully scary. "It feels terrible to
reach out and get turned down," Dr.
Corwin admits. "Being blatant about
wanting sex can also bring feelings of
shame, like, you're not supposed to think
about it-it should just happen." However, Dr. Corwin tells us to push through
our fears and actively disrupt the routine
ease of sexless complacency. As lesbians
in long-term relationships, she warns,
we'll need to choose between intentional
sex or no sex-which seems like no
choice at all, since the potential damages
from the no-sex option include "shutting
down emotionally, looking around for
someone else to get sexual with, settling
into low-grade dissatisfaction with each
other, or blowing up the relationship:'
Next to The Myth of Spontaneity,
another major misconception about the
sex life of lesbians is the idea that we
need to be pawing at each other's clothes
every day in order to be deemed sexually
active. It's a validating relief to hear the
lesbian sexual intimacy doctor herself
say, "The romantic and sexual intensity
of a new relationship can't go on forever.
That's inevitable and probably fortunate ...we can't spend all that time being
charming and attentive when we have to
run our jobs and households and the rest
of life:' When asked what Curve readers
would be most relieved to learn from her
book, Dr. Corwin says, "Most women are
surprised to learn that if you're having
sex as little as twice a month you're still
considered sexually active by sex therapists and researchers. Lesbians assume
that 'normal' couples have sex much
more often than that. This is usually a
big relief, because twice a month is not
such a daunting goal!"•
DRCORWIN'SSECRETSTO
LONGLASTINGINTIMACY
Communication
•
Talkoften and freely about your sexual
feelingsand listen nonjudgmentallywhile she
talks about hers. Just talkingabout sex can
deepentrust intimacyand love.
~ 24-Hour
Foreplay
~Recreate
the conditionsof limerence
(the feelingof beingin love)that you had at
the beginningof your relationship.Set
asidetime to be together,take care of your
appearance,create a sensualatmosphere.
It's not planningsex, it's planningforeplay.
S
Ignite Your Erotic Imagination
Researchshows that 85 percentof
womenfantasizesomeof the time duringsex
with a partner, and those who fantasizemore
enjoy sex more. Bringyour fantasy life into
the bedroom.Yourprivate erotic thoughtswill
makeyou feel more sexualand helpcreate a
connectionwith your partner.
AllOrgasm: Take Your Time
~Don't
worry that you'retakingtoo long.
Fakingorgasmcan widen the gulf between
you and your partner. Regularmasturbation
is orgasmpractice and a time when you can
discoverwhat feels best to you, then share
these discoverieswith your partner.
Sexual
Intimacy:
A Guide for
Same-Sex
Couples
(Seal Press)
is out now.
LOL
n l1y sc.nmlJluidity
is no louglting mottcr.
BY JILL GOLDSTEIN
L1-~lE-ONSE'r LESBIA~TJSlVI
7
0
ne of the most commonly
asked questions in the
gay community is "When
did you come out?" The
answer, after all, provides
insight into how long a woman has been
sleeping with other women and at what
age she first braved the world with her
sexuality. It also inadvertently stamps
the respondent with a sexual label, positing that if she can cite when she came
out she is definitively a lesbian.
For making such assumptions, I find
the question flawed.
I am very happily married to the
woman of my dreams. We've been together for four and a half years and are
the proud parents of a beautiful baby
boy. I am firmly rooted in a commitment
to this relationship- I love her deeply
and we share a very passionate intimacy.
So by all social standards I am gay, even
though I never actually "came out:' In
fact, I never actually felt "kept in" either.
The quintessential closet was simply not
a part of my adult bedroom (a fact I came
to understand after being exposed to the
concept of sexual fluidity). Instead, the
bedroom remained a flexible space, open
to the intimate connections I drew from
both men and women, on many levels. I
was neither promiscuous nor bisexual;
instead, I was a woman whose needs were
ever changing as I matured-a woman
whose needs were met by different individuals at different points in time.
My first same-sex relationship began
when I was in my mid-20s, after a serious, long-term relationship with a man
had ended. At the time it was drawing
to a close, I met a woman with whom
I connected instantly. A close friendship sprouted immediately but, to my
surprise, so did some more intense feelings. We connected emotionally in ways
that I hadn't with my ex-boyfriend, in
ways that provided me with more emotional fulfillment than I had been used
to. Soon we allowed ourselves to explore
the physical feelings that grew to accompany the relationship. It was exciting, and
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
51
most definitely different and scarysomething my drunken college experimentations couldn't have prepared me
for. But it felt surprisingly right, and
soon I was deeply involved. We were
together for over two years. But as happy
as I was with her at the time, I struggled
internally with me. I couldn't quite get
a handle on what I was doing, or who I
was becoming. Before this, I had never
even thought there was the possibility
of my being gay. Was I to assume that
because I was with her, I was experiencing a kind oflate-onset lesbianism? Was
this the time when I was supposed to
come out? But why then was I still open
and attracted to the idea of being with
the right man, if he and I connected in
meaningful ways?
In the years that followed, I dated
another woman and an equally special
man, both of whom fulfilled me for different reasons. As right as each relationship
felt at the time, I kept waiting for my
"aha" moment, for the disappearance of
my attraction to people of both genders
(expectedly, men)-for my big sexual
realization, which would provide me
with the certainty to assume a fixed orientation. After all, wasn't it expected that
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a person should be interested in one and
only one gender? At the time, I thought
that if I could come out, I could own a
label and join a community. I could
identify as a late-onset lesbian (although
the LOL acronym would have to change
or no one would take me seriously!). But
my later-in-life journey didn't follow
such a clear cut path. And it seems I'm
not alone.
More and more, women are coming
forward to embrace a newly found attraction to other women, after they've only (or
mostly) been with men. They're uncovering new needs and interests at a stage
much later in their life than when they
initially discovered their sexual identityand they're growing more flexible and
open-minded about how their needs and
interests are met. As such, the gender of
the individual is becoming less relevant,
while the person behind it all becomes
paramount.
Examples are plentiful. A woman's
20-year marriage ending in the comforting arms of a supportive female friend
turned lover. Co-workers finding a fulfillment in each other that the men in
their dating pool weren't providing.
Single moms experiencing a deep-seated
connection from the common bonds
they share as parents. Whatever draws
women together is very personalwhether the appeal is spiritual, physical
or intellectual. But what remains a constant is the experience of having strong
feelings for other women, feelings that
run counter to the sexual orientation
they've identified with throughout their
entire lives. And yet, only a handful of the
women who experience late-onset samesex attraction are coming out as lesbians.
According to Dr. Lisa Diamond, a
professor of developmental psychology
and the renowned author of the book
DR DIAMOND'STIPSFORSEXUALFLUIDITY
Howdo you distinguish"sexual
fluidity"from bisexualityor
comingout late?
Therearen'tnecessarily
hard-and-fastdistinctions
betweenthesecategories.To
somedegree,sexualfluidity
is what makesall of these
phenomenapossible,since
it describesthe capacityfor
womento experiencedesires
and attractionsthat run counter
to their generalpatternof
attraction.I havefound in my own
researchthat womeninterpret
their own capacityfor flexibility
and changevery differently.One
womanmightsay,"I became
attractedto the person,and
not the gender,andthat's why
I identifyas bisexual,"whereas
52
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
anotherwomanmightsay,
"Bisexualityis a strongattraction
to bothgenders,ratherthan a
gender-freeform of attraction.
Decisionsabout identification
are highlypersonal,and so there
are no universal,agreed-upon
definitionsfor identitiessuch
as queeror bisexual.As for
late-bloominglesbians,we know
so little,scientifically,about
the normativedevelopmentof
sexualityand sexualorientation
overthe life coursethat there's
reallyno sure-fireway to
distinguishbetweena woman
whose same-sexattractions
happenedto developandemerge
relativelyslowly overthe course
of her lifetime,reachingfull
expressiononly late in life,versus
2013
a womanwhose attractions
actuallyunderwentsomechange
andflexibilityovertime. Oneof
the advantagesof talkingaboutand callingattentionto-sexual
fluidity is that it allowsus to see
all of thesecomplexphenomena
as a part of the normative
experienceof femalesexuality.
Are straightwomenwho become
same-sexattractedresponding
to hormonalchanges?
There'sreallyno evidencefor
any linkagesbetweenpatterns
of same-sexand other-sex
sexualattractionand patterns
of hormonalrelease.I think it is
muchmoreplausiblethat women
who beginto experienceand act
on same-sexattractionslater in
life experiencea muchgreater
senseof sexualfreedomand
autonomythanthey did when
they were younger,and might
havemuchmoreconfidencein
expressingthemselvessexually.
Wherecan womenexperiencing
a suddenshift in attractiongo for
goodadvice?
Anycounselorwho is well-versed
in issuesof femalesexual
identityand orientationshould
be capableof helpingwomen
to talk andthinkthroughthe
rangeof complicatedissuesthat
sexualfluidityoften presents.
Thereare still sometherapists
out there who mighthave
relativelyoutdated,rigid models
of sexualorientation,and so I
Sexual Fluidity, for many women love
and desire are not rigidly heterosexual or
homosexual but fluid, changing as they
move through the many phases of their
life. She goes on to explain that women
are (or become) able to fall in love with a
person, regardless of their gender, when
a deep-rooted emotional connectedness
and fulfillment is present. As a result of
these emotional bonds, they tend to
develop a physical attraction (typically
reserved for heterosexual couples) as
well, and thus blur the lines of their
sexual orientation as they engage in
same-sex relationships.
So why are these fluid experiences
so quickly considered as incidences of
coming out, or labeled as late-onset
lesbianism?
Diamond says, "I think that one of
the reasons that there has historically
been such dismissal of fluidity is that
the queer community has generally
placed so much emphasis on the truth
and authenticity of individuals' personal
experiences, so much so that they tend
to be awfully rejecting and suspicious
of experiences that don't match their
own. I can't tell you how many times I've
heard lesbians say, in response to stories
would encouragewomenseeking
counselingto asktheir counselor
directlyif he or she is familiarwith
the notionof sexualfluidity,and
whetherthey are competentto
work with clientsaddressing
those issues.
Whatkeyadvicewouldyou give
a previouslyheterosexualwoman
now experiencingher first samesex attraction?
Knowthat your experienceis
muchmorecommonthan you
probablythink! In the research
that I haveconducted,I have
found that a heterosexual
womanhavinga new same-sex
relationshipoften thinks to
herself,"I must be crazy. How
can I suddenlybe havingthese
about sexual fluidity, 'Well, I've just never
experienced anything like that ...' "
But more than being unable, as individuals, to identify with sexual flexibility,
I also believe that, as a society, our need
to label and define sexual orientation
is so strong that any deviation is readily
dismissed. We tend to thrive on heuristics, which help us make quick sense of
what's around us because they serve as
helpful and efficient mental shortcuts.
But they can also lead to bias and judgment. So with fluidity being neither
black nor white-gay nor straight-more
open-mindedness will be necessary before it is accepted as a legitimate sexual
experience.
When I was first introduced to Dr.
Diamond, years ago, she shared an analogy about sexual fluidity that proved to
be very perceptive. It changed my entire
outlook, and I was able to move from
confusion over my own sexual experiences
to a place of complete understanding.
Making a correlation between sexuality
and career paths, she explained how and
why sexual flexibility should be legitimized. She pointed out that when we are
mature enough to enter the workforce,
our interests lead us to take a certain
job, at which we can be very happy and
fulfilled for months or years. Then somewhere along the line something changeswe meet someone who exposes us to a
new line of work, our interests evolve, a
job opportunity opens up, and we find
that our developed strengths are leading
us toward new positions, even new industries. There should be no expectation that
what we sign up to do in our early 20s
will be what we end up doing decades
down the road. In fact, the journey and
the ongoing exploration of a career path
is not only accepted, it is encouraged.
Why isn't our sexuality viewed with
the same flexibility and understanding?
We are constantly growing and changing, and our needs are ever evolving, so
wouldn't it make sense that the ways in
which we fulfill them (and with whom)
will also evolve?
This discussion remains as fluid and
unresolved as the myriad of experiences
that contribute to it. Women will continue
to embrace their late-onset lesbianism
just as others will move through life
blurring the lines of their sexual orientation. What should remain unvarying is
our understanding and acceptance of all
such experiences. •
feelingsafter never havingbeen
aware of them before?Am I
deluded?Am I maladjusted?"The
answer is: No!Youare a perfectly
normalwoman. I would also
advisewomen not to spenda lot
of time worrying and trying to
predict the future. Doesa single
same-sexrelationshipmeanthat
you are a lesbianor bisexual?
Not necessarily.Doesit mean
that you will havemore samesex relationshipsin the future?
Maybe.Maybenot. It can be hard
to accept so muchuncertainty,
giventhat society tells us that
our sexualityis fixed. But it's
importantto accept and embrace
the complexity,variability,and
unpredictabilityof women'slove
and desire.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
53
SFOlt
s
Se.,·11tools ond tricl,s
oJ tlte tnmsoender trode.
BY YANA TALLON-HICKS
hen it comes to sexual
pleasure, our gendercategorizing culture
obsesses over "his" and "hers." But the
modern "genderation" has proven that
there are more than two genders and
that even within the trans community,
"transitioning" itself no longer means
moving from one "side" to the otherpeople self-identify as a vast array of
genders, including "genderqueer" and
more. Your bodies are your own, and
what gets you off often has nothing
to do with your gender identity and
everything to do with your partners, your
communication style, head space and
(of course) sex-cessories.
54
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
When a male-spectrum gender
identity and a female body intersect, we
get all kinds of sexy-licious people in our
lesbian, trans and queer communities.
When it comes time to love up, the
gender-fluid can benefit from having
particular tools in their belt, things that can
make them feel that much more pleasure.
Let's get over the idea that messing around
with those who mess around with gender
is all about soft-packs and chest-binders
and have some fun with transman-friendly
tools that get the jolly job well done.
There is yet to be an ideal pack-andplay toy (that is, a dildo flexible enough
to wear all day but firm enough for sexual
play). A dildo stiff enough for penetration
will make you look like a braggart when
worn to the office, while a soft-pack that
gives you an appropriately modest bulge
as you walk into the classroom won't have
anyone begging for extra credit between
the sheets. Vibratex's Mr. Bendy bends for
a decent tuck, but is made of a porous
material that can trap bacteria, so always
use condoms for play! ($69, babeland.
com). The realistic Vixen Goodfella can
bow down behind your jeans' zipper fly,
but will have you packing with a capital P
($126,vixencreations.com). Generally
speaking, whether you're packing or
playing, the Vixen dildo collection is as
realistic as it gets, thanks to the look
and unique feel of its patented silicone
"VixSkin" material, which is non-porous,
easy-to-clean, and soft on the outside but
firm on the inside.
The Tantus Realdoe, one of the only
realistic, flesh-toned double-ended dildos,
reduces your need for pesky hardware. It
can be worn harness-free, with one end
worn internally by the "doer" and the other
end externally available for your partner.
Vibrating and made of 100 percent
non-porous silicone, this toy can also be
secured with most harnesses for a more
stable fit ($169, goodvibes.com).
If you make do by keeping a spare
in your pocket, the Spareparts Joque
harness or the new, briefs-style harness,
the Tomboi, can make your pack-toplay transition much smoother. Unlike
traditional harnesses, with their moodkilling maze of straps, the simplicity of
these comfortable-yet-secure harnesses
saves you the embarrassment of not
being able to get your hard on ...literally.
The strapless, pull-on design and bodyconforming fabric make the Tomboi svelte
enough to wear under your clothes with a
soft-pack tucked into the front pouch, and,
when you're ready to romp, you can slide
a dildo through the flexible O-ring without
taking everything off. Top-secret vibrator
pouches cause an extra buzz for both
partners, and the machine-washable fabric
means that you can get as down and dirty
as you please without hassle or worry
($110,$78, sheboptheshop.com).
As popularly portrayed in the
famous queer and trans Crash Pad porn
series, genital pumps can do wonders
on gender-variant naughty bits as the
suction temporarily expands genital size,
enhances sensitivity, and creates a unique
pulling sensation. The 3 Cylinder Pump
System from She Bop, a trans-friendly
shop in Portland, Ore., draws the genitals
into a clear tube for visually erotic play
and when released (safely so, after 10
to 15 minutes of pumping), can result
in increased length and sensation ($86,
sheboptheshop.com).
The Vibrating Pleasure Pump provides
simultaneous suction and three speeds
of vibration in one encompassing cupped
end and can be extra-fun when used
with Sliquid Organics Stimulating O Gel,
which uses peppermint and menthol to
tickle your sensitive spots pink ($32, $20,
goodvibes.com).
Whether you're trans, genderqueer,
lesbian, or otherwise, your mind is still
your biggest sex organ. Give yourself
some good head with Take Me There:
Trans and Genderqueer Erotica by Tristan
Taormino or with transmale-inclusive
porn like Couch Surfers and Courtney
Trouble's Roulette series, or kick back
with the latest issue of Original Plumbing,
the independently published trans-male
quarterly magazine from Brooklyn, NY•
Mr. Bendy (left)
and The Vibrating
Pleasure Pump
or~s
gtycer,e&porobenree
noturollubricohngg«
LUBEJOB
We test six personal lubricants for your pleasure. Yana Tallon-Hicks
Modernpersonallubricantshavecomea
longway-with upscalepackagingand big
promises,they're addingsomehigh-end
coutureto their juicy organicingredients.
Andthey're manufacturedwithout harmful
glycerinor parabens,so they're completely
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
55
THE
BY EVA RIVERA
remember my first night. I
decide to brave it without
alcohol, and I can feel my
hands trembling. Thirty minutes till I have to be in the
dressing room in nothing but a thong,
fake lashes, and a bra easy enough to
remove in five seconds. My baby parallel parks a block away from bustling
Bourbon Street. Her fingers massage my
scalp. "You nervous?" she asks me. I hear
her seatbelt unlock as she reaches over
the cup holders to pull me into her arms.
She holds me tight, trying to kiss my
anxieties away. "When you get home, I'm
going to massage your whole body and
make love to you until you fall asleep:'
Now I really don't want to leave.
She pulls the car up to the cabaret-style
building, with its neon sign glowing, and
looking just like every place your mother
warned you about.
"Coming at ya for her first of three,
the lovely and talented EVA!"booms the
smirking DJ as I stumble through the
crowd of beer- and sweat-slicked men
on my way to the flashing stage. I reach
the marble platform and breathe in. For
a moment, I am totally calm. The music
I
56
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
becomes a whisper in the background,
the throng of ass-hungry bachelors blurs,
and I am standing alone. Then I remember where I am as crisp ones rain down,
puncturing my trance. My first profits,
my ticket to financial stability. Suddenly
my hands feel slippery against the copper
pole and I peer down at my pigeontoed feet, even more awkward in those
6-inchers. Keeping my eye on the bills
around me, I manage to start moving my
hips, arching my back.
The easy part is over-now I have
to seduce a man with a lap dance, the
defining move in the stripper repertoire.
I pick a man from the crowd, the ripest
fruit on the vine, the one who opened a
bar tab for all his friends. I sit and make
small talk. He likes fly-fishing and works
in sales. A few minutes pass before I smile
seductively, clutch his arm, and lead him
to a private booth, settling in his lap. I
don't lose eye contact as my hips grind to
the rhythm of a dubstep remix. He is sure
I want to take him home with me, and
this is how one little dance can last for
hours. By the end of the night, the ATM
won't spit him out any more money, and
I've paid my rent in just a few hours.
What he took as a sincere emotional and
physical connection was my selling him
the illusion of desire. Most of the time, I
was ticking off tomorrow's to-do list.
Becoming a sex worker wasn't so
simple. It meant coming to terms with
the idea that women-feminists
and
queers-would see me as a symbol of
betrayal. It didn't matter that I had
fallen in love with a woman, or that I
knew I could never be a straight girl.
Stepping into the role of the seductress
was enough to cast me as a Judas in
their eyes. The idea tormented me at
first. Was I selling out? The collision of
my identities as femme lesbian, Chicana
and now sex worker made all my old
insecurities raw and tender again. In
an attempt to save what I thought of
as my dignity, I hid my profession from
everyone besides my girlfriend. I stepped
out of one closet and into another.
The swampy New Orleans summer
was both uncomfortable and unprofitable, so I did what any good sex worker
does- I followed the money. I ended up
dancing in Anchorage, Alaska, where
bears and conservatives both run wild.
I worked in a decades-old saloon that
smelled like old pine. It was a local attraction. Right across the street from it stood
a small, white-steepled church plastered
with signs that looked all too familiar:
Hell Is Real, Repent Before Judgment
Day. The believers also held an annual
protest rally condemning the sinful club
across the street-its customers, and the
women who worked there. Imagine having to withstand that kind of scrutiny
every day. It wears you out. The club
had a sad history, being the workplace
of several women who were murdered
by a serial killer who targeted strippers,
because of our presumed disposability.
Having such negativity looming above
my head made dancing a bleak way to
make a living. Not because of the choice
I made to enter into the industry, but
because of the assumptions and judgments
that others made about my choice.
Growing up in a sexist world, I quickly
learned what a "young lady" was supposed
to do and say, and the very clear restrictions on what was acceptable. Enter high
school. Those were the years of promise
rings and sneaking out of windows. If
someone was deemed a slut, it made for
plenty of passive aggression in the locker
room. Unfortunately, most people never
grow out of those shaming attitudes, and
we see how it plays out in the adult world
every time a violent crime against a sex
worker goes unreported or unsolved.
Being a sex worker, for me, means
having independence and a source of
income big enough to pay my bills and
support my dreams. It also means facing objectification by men and repulsion
and disbelief from some in my own community. Being a sex worker, for me, is
having the option of negotiating my own
rates and services, my own terms. It is
also knowing that not too many people
have my back.
It means that my family will never
know a part of me. My fear of being
judged has taken a toll on my relationship with them. Phone calls home are
brief, mumbled; expectations are left
wanting. I can only describe the feeling of alienation and loneliness as very
similar to hiding my sexuality. Coming
out was scary, awkward and painful, but
relieved so much pressure. Being open
about my chosen occupation might not
yield the same results, which is why I live
anonymously. It's hard to get others to
understand that my job is just that-a
job. My job is to sell the illusion of attraction. Just like you clock out of work at the
end of the day and go home to your lesbian
lover, I clock out of my work persona and
go home to my dykey darling. What I do
for a living is not the sole definition of
who I am.
My shift ends at 5 a.m. By then my
hair is tangled by so many rough hands
and reeks of the cigarette smoke that
clouds the dressing room. The rest of
my body is used to the ache of eight
hours spent in stilettos, but my knees,
still raw and bruised from intense stage
work, need to be rubbed with coconut oil
before I can sleep. I clock out exhausted,
but proud of all the twenties balled up
in my purse. My girlfriend pulls up to
the sidewalk with a smile, our work and
sleep patterns perfectly in sync. Just as
you do in any relationship, you figure out
a rhythm. At home, I rush to the shower
to rinse off the heavy layers of makeup,
sweat and cologne, and wrap myself
in a cotton towel, which my girlfriend
promptly unwraps. We spend some time
talking about our night and planning for
tomorrow, tidy up the place, and then
melt into each other's soft skin after a
long night of work.•
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17
IT'S NOT EVERYDAY that a fashion
model makes the crossover into
acting. After all, the vacant stare,
the empty-headed gaze that takes
a waif onto runways around the
world is pretty much a liability for
an actor. So it's a pleasant surprise
that the British brunette Jessica
Clark has adapted her modeling
career into a career in television
and the movies. Featured recently
as the vampire Lilith on the hit HBO
series True Blood, she can also be
seen starring in the lesbian blockbuster A Perfect Ending, in which
she plays Paris, a high-class call
girl who falls in love with a straight
married woman. The premise of
A Perfect Ending is the stuff lesbian fantasies are made of: A frustrated, anorgasmic, middle-aged
bombshell hires a much younger
sex worker (with a tragic past) to
initiate her into the pleasures of
lesbian sex. Defenses come down,
passions ignite, love also blooms,
but there is trouble in paradise for
this unlikely pair. Intrigued? Jessica
Clark was, and shares with Curve
all the juicy details about making
the film, and tells us what's next in
her equally perfect career.
Your acting career is clearly taking off
and things are happening for you. Where
did you train to be an actor?
My primary training was with Susan Batson in New York, at her acting studio. She's
an amazing coach, and she was working
a lot with well-known people, including
Nicole Kidman, at the time. Working with
her is the foundation of who I am as an
actress. She was very much my mentor and
wanted me to make the transition to being
an actor. Ever since I got to L.A. I take
classes here, and I have some really great
coaches. It's a never-ending process. You
always want to get better, more nuanced.
You never stop training. It would be like an
athlete who stopped working out.
The list of models who've become illustrious actors is not very long. What made
you think you could do it?
That was quite a long process for me,
because I was very much a model but feeling constricted and not really satisfied.
58
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
I felt like I needed something more. I
needed a new challenge. People would
even say to me on sets, when I was modeling, 'You seem like an actor: I had a lot of
resistance to it, because how do you know
if you're good? And it's another career
that is not predictable, it's not linear.
When you auditioned for A Perfect Ending, did you know that you were getting
into the next big lesbian movie?
[Laughs] I actually saw Elena Undone at
Outfest-the first short film I had done
scenes. There was definitely a conversation I had with Martha [Sanchez, Clark's
talent manager] about it. If you're going
to do something like that, the relationship
and the trust you have with your director
has to be so solid, you really have to have a
sense of their vision. There are many different ways to shoot a love scene. I think
my impression of Nicole's work is that she
loved women, first and foremost, the sensuality and beauty of women, and also the
beauty of film and cinematography. But,
fortunately, I'm not that self-conscious
about my body [laughs]. I
thought it was a beautiful
story, and I thought it was a
story that hadn't really been
told or explored. I think that
female sexuality is something
to be embraced and it should
be shown at different ages and
WORDS BY MERRYN JOHNS
places in life, and at different
PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARINA RICE BADER
levels of experience. For every
as an actor was screening at Outfest too,
single woman, her sexual being is the result
so I'd come to L.A. for that. It was very of everything she has experienced, or hasn't
much a packed house and you got a sense
experienced. I just don't think there's
of the work that [Nicole Conn] has done
enough of that three-dimensional depiction
and people's response to it. So it was very of those things. And so I embraced the
interesting, a year or so later, to be audiopportunity to show something different.
tioning for her. That was pretty cool.
Your character, Paris, could have been a
PERFECT
CAREER
What was your audition piece?
[Sultry voice] "Nothing is going to happen
if you don't want it to, but unless you tell
me otherwise, Rebecca, I'm going to kiss
you:' You know, that scene.
Did you know there would be lots of intimate sex scenes?
Yes, that's something that you have to
discuss pretty early on. They had sent me
the script before we met, because they
wanted to get a sense of how I felt about
Paris, and also to be aware of the sex
2013
cliche-the hooker with a heart of goldbut she's not. Tell us about your way into
her as an actor.
I think I really connected to her on a personal level, to her need to have a confident
exterior and a very self-assured nature, a
sense of personal accomplishment and
validation. I related to what she was carrying within her, and the ways in which
she is trying to make sense of what happened to her. I really connected to her
very spontaneously. I loved that Nicole
had given her so many different layers
and nuances, and Paris goes through her
own metamorphosis as well throughout
the film. I took her as a gift and wanted to
show all those different parts of her.
The scenes in the hotel room are so suspenseful. Is Rebecca going to let Paris
make love to her? How did you approach
these scenes?
I think she is wanting to give back. She is
wanting to give an experience to people,
to help them feel a certain way, whether
60
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
it's to have their first orgasm or to feel
loved-whatever it is, I think that's how
she approaches it. Because Rebecca is so
nervous and tightly wound, and now she's
being driven by instinct. This is what she
needs to experience, but she has no idea
of how she's going to get there. Paris is
able to see that, she is consciously trying
to calm her and to get her to be present
within herself. I am gay and Barbara
[Niven] is not, so in terms of being
actresses, she really didn't know what
2013
you do, and I did-or at least I had a better
idea than she did, I suppose [laughs]. I
think that worked very well for the characters, because that was the case for them
as well.
You've been out as a lesbian for some
time, and this is a major lesbian film.
Are you concerned that you'll be stereotyped as a "lesbian actress"?
It's very easy to get typecast in many different ways. In terms of taking on this
project, it wasn't really a concern of mine.
Me being out I think is an ongoing thing.
It has a relevance to people in the community, who are appreciative of that, but
I've yet to see how much it's going to
impact my mainstream career. I mean, I
got True Blood [after A Peifect Ending]. I
think you have to be smart with the kind
of projects you choose anyway, but for me
there's no way that I couldn't be out. It's
part of who I am and it always will be. If
I had to make a choice between having a
certain type of career and hiding who I
was, I would choose to live my life openly.
I'm just as likely to not get a part because
I'm really tall as I am not to get a part
because I'm gay. I'm going to try and be
me and be as honest as I can within the
parameters of my privacy. I really don't see
why we can't get to a point where [being
gay J is a positive point of differentiation.
In the scenes with your fiance, I totally
believed you were straight.
Yes, gay people can play straight. Because
you are your character in that moment,
and you find things to love and be attracted
to or excited by in that character, and
through what the other actor is bringing
to the table. For me, that's no harder than
being angry at them or hurt by them. It's
all part of the human experience.
You mentioned privacy earlier, and I was
thinking about your relationship status.
Do you have anything you'd like to share
with us regarding where you are at now,
romantically?
Lacey [Stone J and I are no longer together.
This is the official announcement.
Was the end of that relationship difficult?
Lacey and I have always had and will
continue to have a tremendous amount
of love and respect for each other, and
that very much hasn't changed and won't
change. We shared some amazing years
together and I think we'll both always
cherish them.
You got married in Puerto Vallarta in
2010. Has the end of the relationship
altered your view of gay marriage? Are
we really ready for gay marriage?
We're as ready as any other human beings.
I think that we-people, essentially-fall
in love, you do your best, and that's all you
can ever do. But no, it has not in any way
changed my views.
That was beautifully answered. I think
you would have made a good attorney.
Did you know that was what I wanted to
do when I was a little girl?
I did, and it makes me wonder, if you
weren't an actor, or you had to choose
a second career, what might you do
instead?
Oh, wow. I sort of think about it as potentially my third career now, but I write and
I always have done, so I would like to think
that would be my third chapter, maybe.
That's the fantasy. Short stories, a novel.
If Molly Ringwald can do it, you can.
I know, check her out. Actually, there are
quite a few actors who write ...
In the meantime, what can we look forward to seeing you in next on the big or
small screen?
Well, I can tell you that you haven't seen
the last of Lilith. I can't really tell you
much more, because it hasn't even started
filming yet, but you can wait and see!•
BODY+SOUL
BARBARA NIVEN BARED A LOT MORE THAN SKIN FOR HER ROLE IN
A PERFECT ENDING. BY LAURIE K. SCH EN DEN
BY THE TIME Barbara Niven got a call from filmmaker Nicole Conn and
producer Marina Rice Bader about playing the lead role in A Perfect Ending,
Niven had pretty much given up on her acting career.
"I love acting so much, and as a woman gets older in Hollywood you get
fewer and fewer quality parts you can make a difference with;' says Niven,
whose credits include a long list of TV shows and Lifetime movies. But
when she saw the script, she knew she had to do the film, even though it
meant doing naked, intimate love scenes with a much younger actor (Jessica
Clark), who also happens to be a model.
"Jessica Clark is just as gorgeous as it gets-I mean, young, gorgeous
body, and here I am a grandmother;' says Niven. "But I wanted to do it
because I wanted to do truth in this movie."
Niven's character, Rebecca, is a frustrated wife who drinks too much. She's
judgmental, repressed and tightly wound, but she keeps her demons locked
inside herself.
"She's ugly;' Niven says, referring not to her character's appearance (she
is, in fact, attractive) but to her spirit. "She's never had an orgasm in her life,
she's stayed with her husband after he abused her daughter. Who does that?
A lot of women do that. But then, Rebecca just decides she does not want to
wonder 'What if?' someday. So she decides to change:'
In creating the character of Rebecca,
Niven "put every woman that I've ever
known into her. My mother, myself, my
daughter-all of us worry about getting
older, about losing our looks, about not
living our dream, about not fulfilling
our purpose. And that's what Rebecca is
doing."
Although Niven turns 60 in February,
she's fit and beautiful, hardly anyone's idea
of a grandmother. Still, the realization that
"it's going to be you up on that 40-foot
screen, naked;' was daunting, although
Niven laughs about it now. But she trusted
Nicole Conn, whom she's known since they
both lived in Portland, Ore., 25 years ago,
and she felt an immediate bond with the
newcomer, Clark.
The love scenes are beautifully shot
and intimate, revealing a unique chemistry between Rebecca and Paris, Clark's
character.
"I think that we should not judge passion, or what our soul mate looks like;'
says Niven. "Or what love looks like, because it's probably not going to come in
this tidy little wrapped package that you
think it does."
Niven and Conn had long conversa-
tions about the demands that society puts
on women, and decided that they both
wanted to reveal their own truths in the
film, right down to showing the stretch
marks on an aging woman's body.
"Hero marks;' says Niven. "Somebody
yelled that out in one of the audiences,
and that made me feel so much better. My
stretch marks are up there [on screen].
People say I'm really, really brave. I still
come from my own vulnerabilities and
my own fears. This is the most naked
I've ever been in a movie-and it's not
just physically naked but emotionally
naked."
It helped a lot that she was working
with people she trusted, Niven says. "Nicole
makes it a safe place to really go there,
and Jessica Clark-she and I had such a
connection. It wasn't like we were acting,
it was like we were just being.
"People say, 'Wow, are you really having sex?' Well, of course you're not. It's a
dance that you do, and we're actors. It's
more choreographed than what the end
product looks like:' Niven adds, ''I'm not a
lesbian, I wasn't sure what to do. We shot
the sex scenes in order, because I wanted
to use my own vulnerability. So when you
"I THINK THAT
WE SHOULD NOT
JUDGE PASSION,
OR WHAT OUR
SOUL MATE
LOOKS LIKE."
62
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
see the first scene and my shirt comes
off, my bra starts to come off, you see
that Rebecca is crying. That's actually
me crying, because it was scary. But I
wanted to use it, because it was appropriate for the character.
''All that vulnerability is me, Barbara.
That sex scene where I have the orgasm
is the most honest, the most intimate I
think I've ever been in my life, because I
just let the music play inside of me. I'm
really happy the way it turned out."
The film's theme, the search for perfection, resonated with Niven, who struggled
with bulimia for 30 years. "Never feeling
perfect enough, or thin enough, or smart
enough. Just never feeling good enough,
which is what our society says about
women anyway:' A Peifect Ending gave
her the chance to test her limits and face
her fears.
"When you have something in your
gut that says you have to do it, but your
fear is almost overwhelming, I say you
have to leap off the cliff and do it, because
what I've learned is that just beyond your
biggest fear is your biggest gold.
"This is the best work I have ever done
and probably will ever do."•
LOVE
STORY
LESBIAN FILMMAKER NICOLE CONN
WEARS HER HEART ON HER SLEEVE.
BY LAURIE K. SCHENDEN
NICOLE CONN has written five novels,
about a dozen screenplays and directed
several lesbian feature films that all have
at least one thing in common-hot, passionate love.
Her latest film, A Perfect Ending has
some of the most powerful lesbian love
scenes ever recorded on film. Her previous film, Elena Undone, is said to have
the longest continuous kiss in any film.
Conn will always be known for her first
lesbian feature, Claire of the Moon (1992),
because it was groundbreaking at a time
"when there was nothing [lesbian] out
there;' she says. It did, however, generate
criticism as well, for taking about 104 of its
105 minutes to deliver a payoff.
"I wish I could recut the first 25 minutes. It's hard for me to watch, it makes me
cringe on some levels;' Conn says today.
"Claire of the Moon is old-time filmmaking-long pauses. It's cutting before the
MTV-style of cutting took over everything.
It's beautifully scored and well acted,
but also, I'm proud of what it did for the
community."
Today, nobody could accuse Conn of
being a tease. Nearly 15 years after Claire,
she has let loose with Elena Undone and
A Perfect Ending, delivering the romance,
passionate sex, good story and high production values that are the hallmark of
mainstream movies.
A Perfect Ending is based
on a high-concept one-line
description that came from
Marina Rice Bader, Conn's
producing partner (the two
founded Soul Kiss Films,
whose mission is to produce
women's films by a variety
of women writers and directors): What would happen if
a woman had never had an
orgasm by the time she was 50?
"The idea was so compelling for me;'
says Conn. "I was in the middle of writing
the book for Elena Undone, I was under
deadline, but I had to drop everything:'
The result is the story of Rebecca, a
married woman (Barbara Niven), who
meets Paris, a young high-class prostitute
(Jessica Clark).
"It's definitely a love story between
Paris and Rebecca. It's also a vindication
and redemption story, and, for me, that's
part of the most critical piece to it;' says
Conn. "I don't really want to reveal all
the stuff because of my family, but it's my
story. I know so many other people who've
had the same experience-families where
there are stepchildren:'
While Conn is modest about her technical abilities as a director, there's no
doubt that she has a knack for producing
heat.
"I sit in every endless hour of casting and
read hundreds and hundreds of women to
find those 'two people; because seriously,
if you don't have that [chemistry], what's
the point?" says Conn.
Trisha Todd and Karen Trumbo had it
in Claire of the Moon, Necar Zadegan and
Traci Dinwiddie had it in Elena Undone,
and now so do Barbara Niven and Jessica
Clark in A Perfect Ending.
"I'm telling you, from the minute they
were in the audition together [Barbara
and Jessica], that was fate;' says Conn.
"We met Jessica first, but to be honest, I
wasn't sure she could act, because she'd
just come off the modeling circuit and
was very new and only had a short [film]
under her belt.
"I will tell you, the first day of shooting,
she had the hardest day. It wasn't by design-it was just a scheduling conflict we
had, so that we could get Morgan Fairchild. She killed it. I called her manager at
the end of the day and I said, 'Oh my gosh,
this girl is going to explode.' She is so raw
and extraordinary.
"She was willing to try anything I asked
of her. I mean, she was just amazing. You
just don't get to work with somebody who
is that raw and instinctual at the same
time-and then, conversely,somebody who
is as seasoned and savvy and brilliant as
Barbara Niven. It's like two ends of the
spectrum, and the way they come together
just worked in every way!'
While Niven (who's straight) credits
Clark (a lesbian) with helping her in their
scenes together, Conn says that it is Niven,
the veteran actress, who deserves much of
the credit.
"She knows where the person is with
the camera, she knows where the light
is, she helped everybody that she worked
with. Everybody. She's the most generous
actor I've ever worked with;' says Conn.
Today, Conn may be our best-known
lesbian filmmaker, but it wasn't always
so. She was also attracted to larger budget
projects and indie films.
"Quite frankly, I had two huge books
that were at William Morris [Agency],
that were attached to actors like Ashley
Judd and Elizabeth Shue, and I was really
going in a completely different direction.
But the financing on those big features ...
you hope all the pieces come together, but
they very rarely do."
While waiting for one of those films
to get made, she married human rights
activist Gwen Baba and had children.
Conn was a hands-on mom and gave up
filmmaking altogether, until her son was
born premature and disabled.
Out of that journey came the documentary Little Man, Conn's most acclaimed
film to date.
Becoming a uniquely lesbian storyteller
'Just sort of happened;' she says. ''I'm a
triple Scorpio and I wear my heart on my
sleeve. What I'm known for is loving and
loving good. I feel that way about the films
that I do and the books that I do. I put
everything I have into it:'
As she prepares for the DVD release of
A PerfectEnding, she's trying to resurrect a
film that she started 15 years ago, and she's
writing a book called Defending Thirds.
The subject matter? "It's an epic love
story;' she says. What else?•
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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63
ACCOMMODATIONS
SHOPPING
Whateveryour ideaof a romanticgetaway,
Vegashasa roomwith your nameon it. Many
LasVegashotelsareTAGand IGLTA
approved
propertiesofferingspecialtyLGBTpackagesor
websites,includingWynnLasVegas,ParisLas
Vegas,NewYork-NewYorkand Luxor.
LasVegashasbuilta namefor itselfas a destinationfor the seriousshopper.Getswept away
bythe lavishvarietyof Crystalsat CityCenter,
thencheckout the one-of-a-kindlandscape
andselectionat TheShoppesat ThePalazzo,
thenexplorethe MiracleMileShopsat Planet
HollywoodResort& Casino.
NIGHTLIFE
IS ONE OF THE TOP
DESTINATIONSIN THE WORLD
FOR GAY AND LESBIAN
TRAVELERS,OFFERINGWORLDCLASS ACCOMMODATIONS,
Barsandclubsaboundinthis city with many
hot spotsto choosefrom.Try KraveMassive,
the largestLGBTdanceclubinthe country
foundat the famousFremontStreetExperience,or headto nearbyfavoritesTAO,PURE
or LAXfor a mixedcrowd andgreatmusic.The
BeatlesREVOLUTION
Loungeat TheMirageis
alsoa popularparty spotfor RevaSundays,the
onlyLGBTpartyon the LasVegasStrip.Make
sureto visitTheLoop,a clusterof LGBTvenues
includingGipsy,8½,Piranha,Freezone
and
others.Fora listof otherLGBTbars,checkout
"BarsandClubs"at LasVegas.com/gaytravel.
ENTERTAINMENT
GETAWAYTHAN THE WORLD'S
Catchunforgettableperformancesby Celine
Dionat CaesarsPalace,Zumanityby Cirque
du Soleilat NewYork-NewYork,or Le ReveThe Dreamat WynnLasVegas.Or for a little
drag in your evening,cheeron top celebrity
impersonatorsat FrankMarino'sDivasLas
Vegasat TheQuadResortand Casino
(formerlyImperialPalace).
ENTERTAINMENTCAPITAL.HERE
DINING
NIGHTLIFE,ENTERTAINMENT,
DINING,SHOPPING AND
MORE.THEREIS NO BETTER
PLACETO TAKEA ROMANTIC
ARE SOME HIGHLIGHTSTHAT
ARE SURETO ADD PASSIONTO
YOUR NEXT VEGASGETAWAY.
Knownaroundthe globefor its romanticand
top-ratedrestaurants,LasVegasis a culinary
paradise.Thegreatestnamesinthe kitchen,
includingBobbyFlayandJoelRobuchon,
operateestablishmentshere,andspots like
SugarFactoryat ParisHoteland BorderGrill,
co-ownedby SusanFenigerand MarySue
Milliken,at MandalayBayoffer excitingoptions
for any palate.
SPAS
Treatyourselfwell at oneof the city's premier
spas.Thespaciousand modernBATHHOUSE
at THEhotelat MandalayBayis a chicescape
from the city sounds,andthe AdventureSpaat
RedRockCasinoResortis an invigorating
mixof
outdooractivityandsoothingbodytreatments.
COMMITMENT CEREMONIES
Vegasis proudto offer a numberof unique
locationsthat holdcommitmentceremonies.
Fromthe VivaVegasWeddingChapelto the
weddingsalonsat WynnLasVegas,each
experiencepromisesto be unforgettable
for anycouple.
ATTRACTIONS
Takeadvantageof the greatlocalattractions
that you'llonlyfmd herein Vegas.Don'tmiss
the famousFountainsof Bellagio,SkyJump
LasVegasat the Stratosphere,the Flightlinez
at FremontStreetExperience,
RedRockandthe
GrandCanyon.Try somethingnew with Pink
JeepToursor Betty'sOutrageousAdventures,
whichcater directlyto the LGBTtraveler.
RESOURCES
LasVegasoffers incrediblyhelpfulandupdated
resourcesto facilitateyour travelingneeds.
TheGayand LesbianCommunityCenterof
SouthernNevada,as well as QVegasare great
placesto start. Getthe full story on LGBT
travel in LasVegasand planyour trip today
at LasVegas.com/gaytravel.
•
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
65
ASK ANY TRAVELERABOUT
WAIKIKI,AN UPSCALE,TOURISTYNEIGHBORHOOD OF
HONOLULU ON THE SOUTH
SHORE OF THE ISLAND OF
OAHU, AND THEY'LL LIKELY
TELL YOU TO STAYA DAY
AND KEEPMOVING TO
OTHER LESS-POPULATED,
MORE PRISTINEPARTSOF
THE ISLAND.I SAY,TAKE
THATADVICEWITH A RATHER
LARGEGRAIN OF PINK
HAWAIIAN SEA SALT.
68
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2
Because this famous and much photographed crescent of sand, which terminates in the iconic Diamond Head, is still
a playground for those in need of spoiling.
I spent an entire week in Waikiki-with
brief forays into the North Shore-and
I had plenty to do and enjoy. But on this
crowded shoreline, your enjoyment may
depend on which hotel you choose. I
stayed at the Sheraton Waikiki, a property
that has much to keep you occupied right
there on the premises, including the Leahi
Club Lounge, a lovely spot on a high floor
where you can watch the sun set as you
sip a glass of wine and nibble on snacks,
gratis. On my first night, I was treated to
a gigantic moonrise over Diamond Head
followed by fireworks over the bay. Just
another Monday night in Waikiki, although it felt as though I had checked in
to paradise. (sheraton-waikiki.com)
The Sheraton Waikiki has its arms
wide open to the LGBT community;
its general manager, Kelly Sanders, is
openly gay and has been instrumental
in developing partnerships with local
LGBT organizations. The Sheraton is a
sponsor of the Pride Festival, the Rainbow Festival, and fundraising events for
local LGBT charities. It's even adopted
two schools and created Gay Student
Alliance clubs. "The 'ha' in 'Aloha' has
special meaning;' says Sanders. "The
'breath of life; and we're breathing life
into the world's most famous beach, with
the LGBT community at the forefront of
our minds and actions."
It's all about abundance. Kai Market
showcasesfarm-freshingredientsandlocal
recipes in a plantation-style decor-breakfast here was my first indication that
Hawaii is in the middle of a sustainable
food revolution. If spoiling yourself is your
first priority, you will no doubt be gravitating toward the spectacular Infinity Edge
Pool and its relaxing bar and restaurant,
The Edge of Waikiki. The cocktails here
are delicious and don't encourage activity
unless it involves gravitating toward the
friendly poolside masseuse.
Dinner showcases just how far Waikiki
has come as a dining destination. RumFire, a gorgeous oceanside establishment
with flaming braziers which illuminate
the tropical night offers a lot of ambience. Conceived ofby a former manager of
Nobu, in New York City,the bar serves 101
types of rum, while chef Brett Villarmia
dishes up comfort food with an exotic,
Pacific Rim of Fire twist. No wonder this is
a popular date-night choice for locals, and
on the last Sunday night of each month, its
networking night, Phoenix, is a beacon for
the local LGBT community.
The Moana Surfrider, a Westin Resort
& Spa (moana-surfrider.com), is oldschool Hawaii, with its white columns
and charming front porch, ceiling fans,
and elegant steak and seafood restaurant,
Beachhouse. If you're eager to impress
your date (or lesbian bride), this is the
place. And before or after your date, treat
yourself to Moana Lani Spa, a Heavenly
Spa by Westin. The Lomi Lomi massage
draws on ancient Hawaiian healing traditions and is one of the best massages I
have ever had.
If you want to splurge on an outstanding accommodation rich in the
magic of old Hawaii, The Royal Hawai-
ian (royal-hawaiian.com), open since
1927 and also known as the Pink Palace
of the Pacific, is a historic landmark in
a manicured tropical setting with its
own beachfront. Its fine farm-to-table
restaurant, Surf Lanai, serves a locally
inspired breakfast and a lunch buffet
that offers a serious distraction from
the pink parasols and aquamarine panorama of Waikiki Beach.
And it's gay friendly, too. Even the
Mai Tai Bar offers a delicious punch
cocktail called the Ellen DeGeneres.
Have a couple of these and work up the
courage to try stand-up paddleboarding in the ocean in front of The Royal
Hawaiian. For first-timers it's not easy,
but I was compensated for falling off
my board many times by the sight of a
majestic sea turtle, who popped up to
the surface to give me condolences.
After all that exercise-or even if
you've lazed the day away at the Royal
Beach with your umbrella and your
chaise-you'll want to reward yourself
with dinner at Azure Restaurant, where
award-winning chef de cuisine Jon Matsubara serves the freshest morning catch
from the Honolulu fish auction at Pier
38, and the knowledgeable staff are determined to spoil you.
If you actually do want to leave your
hotel, it is an easy drive to the famed
beauty of O'ahu's North Shore. Here
you'll find the Dole Plantation (try the
pineapple frozen yogurt), Haleiwa Town,
the Macadamia Nut Farm, and the legendary Kahuku Shrimp Truck, which
serves a rustic and satisfying lunch for
around $10. Cleanse your palate with
shaved ice, a local delicacy served at a
number of mom-and-pop grocery stores.
The North Shore is a beautiful place to
browse the beaches and small shops, but
one unbeatable activity is a horseback riding tour of Kualoa Ranch (kualoa.com).
Here you will take a gentle ride into
valleys and forests, and catch stunning
glimpses of the sapphire blue Pacific
Ocean-a taste of the real Hawaii and
yet not all that far from the luxury of
your lodgings. (starwoodhotels.com) •
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
69
THE
BIG
KAHUNA
HAWAII OFFERSROMANCE AND ADVENTURE.
BY KRISTIN FLICKINGER
They call it the Big Island. The island of
Hawaii is the largest in the U.S., with an
elevation gain of13,796 feet and as many
climate zones as you would encounter
between Alaska and Costa Rica. It is home
to coral reefs, rain forests, snowcapped
mountains, active volcanoes and white,
black and green sand beaches. Whether
you're visiting a luxurious resort or an
eco-touristy retreat, you're going to lose
yourself in Hawaii's abundant natural
beauty and vibrant culture.
Visiting the Big Island is best done as a
long trip. But if you only have a couple of
days, you can see a fair amount by driving
the costal routes between Hilo and Kona.
Each route gives you a full day of driving
through constantly changing scenery.
Hawaii doesn't have much in the way of
public transit, so a car is essential, and
rentals are notoriously expensive. You'd
be wise to use discounthawaiicarrental.
com for the best deal. Here's a quick
rundown of both routes.
Beach Bums: North Route
Starting in Hilo, head to Rainbow Falls
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
State Park, known for its early-morning
rainbows. The Hilo Farmers Market is
the place to shop: Along with everything
you'd expect (pineapples, mangoes), you'll
find fresh fruit popsicles, Hawaiian honey,
and handicrafts that include T-shirts
and bongo drums. Bring your camera
and hike the paved loop through a
gorgeous jungle to view Kahuna Falls
and the 422-foot Akaka Falls. The village
of Hawi offers you a glimpse of the old
Hawaii. Eat at the Bamboo Restaurant,
visit the crystal shop, and have a Kona
coffee. Pololu Valley Lookout offers one
of the most dramatic views on the island.
Violent waves crash into lava cliffs, and a
black sand beach lies at the mouth of a
vibrant green valley. Take the steep trail
to the beach for a closer look. On your
way to Kona, travel the Kohala Coast, a
beautiful stretch ofland that has some of
the most amazing beaches in the world.
Volcano Lovers: South Route
Starting in Kona, head to Pu'honua 0
Honaunau, the Place of Refuge, and home
to a number of culturally significant sites,
including an area that served as a refuge
for kapu (law) breakers, defeated warriors, and noncombatants. In Volcanoes
National Park, enjoy the view of the
plume rising from the Halema'uma'u
Crater. Kalapana lava-viewing area is
on the site of a lava-covered village.
During the day, you might see smoke
on the ridge from the parking area. After
Volcanoes, head to Hilo and spend some
time exploring the downtown shops.
Eating Out
Huggo's and On the Rocks offer fine and
casual dining at one location: Head into
Huggo's for a romantic dinner, or On the
Rocks for fish tacos and some local music.
Bonus: Both of these establishments are
gay-owned. Kamuela Provision Company
at the Hilton Waikoloa Village specializes in seafood and locally sourced ingredients. Arrive early to watch the best
oceanside sunset around. Hawaii Calls
at the Waikoloa Beach Marriott features
truly local, farm-to-table dining in an
elegant setting. Luau (the traditional
Hawaiian feast) at Mauna Kea Beach
Hotel allows you to experience traditional dance performances without the
crowds, and the hotel grounds include
100 feet), and the possibility that you'll
one of the most
beautiful beaches
in the world. Rays
on the Bay at the
Sheraton Keauhou
Bay Resort & Spa
is the only place
in the world where
you can view wild
manta rays while
enjoying a meal
The gay-owned
Lava Lava Beach
Club on Anaeho'omalu Bay has a beachfront restaurant where every night is an
open-air party with live music.
end up swimming with wild spinner
dolphins.
Kohala Zipline is the safest operator on the island. Its full canopy tour
takes you 120 feet above a riverbed on
the slopes of an extinct volcano, where
you'll experience an ancient king's backyard from the trees. For some-thing
completely different: a night dive with
mantas. Buy an underwater camera, or
purchase a DVD of your dive.
For something more traditional, gayowned Sun and Sea Hawaii offers snorkel and dive adventures based in Hilo.
(bigisland.org)
Island Adventure
The most dramatic way to see Captain
Cook Monument and Kealakekua Bay
is by kayak, and a tour booked through
Kona Boys Kayak Shop includes historical information, good food, amazing
snorkeling (underwater visibility nears
Where to Stay
Hilo Hawaiian Hotel is a modest hotel
with a modest price and a great view
onto Coconut Island Park, just across a
footbridge from the hotel. Gay-owned
Kalani Oceanside Retreat is near the
Kalapana Lava Flow and is a retreat cen-
ter for artists, yoginis and those wanting
to get away from the grind. The Courtyard King Kamehameha's Kona Beach
Hotel was the host hotel for Pride 2012
and has great views in the heart of downtown Kona.
Aston Waikoloa Colony Villas are condos loaded with amenities, from in-unit
laundry and full kitchen to high-speed
Internet and PlayStation 2.
For a truly magical stay, the gayowned Lava Lava Beach Club offers
private beachfront cottages with outdoor
showers and an out-of-this-world setting. Waikoloa Beach Marriott Resort
& Spa is a beautifully renovated resort
on Anaeho'omalu Bay, featuring bright,
comfortable rooms.
How to Get There
If you are flying into Hilo from the mainland, check out the new United Airlines
flight, direct from LAX. It's a quick five
and a half hours to paradise.•
SYDNEY
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THE ISLAND OF FLORIANOPOLISIS PARADISEFOR LESBIANS
AND SEAFOOD LOVERS.
BYMERRYNJOHNS
I am embarrassed to admit, though I call
myself an oyster lover, I had no idea that
Brazil boasts some of the best oysters in
the world. I was also completely ignorant of the fact that off the state of Santa
Catarina, Brazil has an island that's the
pearl of the country's oyster production-and far from being just a haven for
the time-honored Portuguese business of
fishing, it is a lovely and LGBT-tolerant
travel destination in and of itself.
The island is called Florian6polis,
or Floripa to the locals, and was last
year's host for the annual convention
of the International Gay & Lesbian
Travel Association. Yes, Floripa bid on
and won the right to host an event
that attracts lesbian and gay travel professionals from all around the world.
Thanks to that event, Florian6polis is
now on my map-and I'm eager to put
it on yours, too. This island, as secret as
it is to North Americans, is no secret to
the rest of Brazil, and offers the essence
of the sophisticated, international lifestyle Brazilians are known for. Oh, and
it has 40-plus beaches and its own lesbian bar, and a good one. More on that
lesbian bar later.
74
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2013
What to do
Because Floripa has a population of
over 400,000, there is plenty to keep a
girl occupied. This is a place immersed
in Portuguese tradition and culture,
including a history of colonialism-not
to mention that Brazilian appetite for the
good life. At the heart of historic Flori pa
and at its modern center is market life,
where colonial architecture coexists with
modern buildings and tourists and locals
rub shoulders looking for a find. Of all
the treasures you'll trip over here, none
is better, in my opinion, than those from
the ocean. Pinch your nose and brave the
fish markets. Gawk at whole fish the size
of mammals and storefronts festooned
with Portuguese charcuterie. Forget the
exorbitant prices we pay for oysters and
imagine going home with a bucket of
lovely crustaceans for around $10. Too
tired to shuck? Just cook the oysters the
Portuguese way, by simmering them in a
smidgen of water until they open. More
on oysters later.
Costa da Lagoa, with its beautiful
lagoon, Lagoa da Conceic;ao, is a rustic
and charming destination, where you
can indulge in the local seafood. The
restaurants on the waterfront are mostly
small, run by the local fishermen and
their families. After you've sampled the
abundant fruits of the sea, seek out one
of the many beaches. Joaquina Beach
offers sandboarding down its considerably steep dunes. This is an absolute
thrill (if you don't mind a little grit in
your teeth). For something literally more
laid back, leave your modest bathing
suit (and your insecurities) at home and
do as the Brazilians do: Stroll along the
shore flaunting what you've got. Pick up
a pair of Havaianas for about half the
price you'd pay in American malls and
you're all set. The beaches here are many
and varied, some offering surf, while others are placid and perfect for wading. Still
others are hidden behind sand dunes and
inlets, opportune places to go topless.
An island off an island
There is possibly no more romantic a
geographical destination, and one that
more embodies privacy, than an island
off an island. Ihla do Papagaio, or Parrot
Island, is a haven studded with elegantly
decorated cabins and surrounded by
unusual subtropical forests and rocky
outcrops. "Parrot"refers not to a local
exotic bird population but to the shape
of the island as seen from the air. There
are, however, many varieties of native
birds and other fauna on the island,
which you'll discover during your stay.
IHLA DO PAPAGAIO,
OR PARROTISLAND,
IS A HAVEN STUDDED
WITH ELEGANTLY
DECORATEDCABINS
AND SURROUNDED
BY UNUSUAL
SUBTROPICAL
FORESTSAND ROCKY
OUTCROPS.
rdff>IOOW
Papagaio (papagaio.com.br) is like no
other place I have been. It feels both
hidden and civilized, tropical but not too
humid, and it's surrounded by a pure
and placid part of the Atlantic. It offers
nothing much to do except hike to the
top and take in the panoramic view, or
clamber over the rocky shore in search
of saucer-size sand dollars. Or you can
simply pass the time by relaxing at the
charming waterfront bar and restaurant.
And back to those oysters: While the
kitchen serves a menu featuring local and
international recipes made with fresh
ingredients, you cannot beat a platter
of the local shellfish, which are culled
straight from the surrounding waters.
These little beauties are creamy and
briny, and I think I consumed a couple
dozen in one sitting. Although after the
potent Caipirinhas-that cachac;areally
packs a punch-it's hard to be sure. After
a lunch like this, you can either nap in
your personal hammock or kayak in
MARTA'S5 FLORIANOPOLISMUST-DOS
Marta Dalla Chiesa, an out lesbian and a Flori pa local, runs a
travel and tour company called Brazil Ecojourneys with her
long-term partner, Lesley Cushing. They are the go-to southern
Brazil specialists, if you want an itinerary tailored to your
lesbian taste. Here are Marta's recommendations.
1. Hike
to
Naufragados Beach
(a protected beach
accessible only by
boat or on foot). On
the way back, stop
for local oysters at the
old Azorean village of
Ribeirao da llha while
you watch the sun set.
2. People Watch
at
Praia Mole Beach.
This is the gay beach
of Florian6polis -or
at least a section of
it is. Head to the left
and drop your towel
in front of Deca's Bar.
Keep walking if you
feel like skinny-dipping
at Galheta Beach.
76
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
3.
Dine at Bistro
Isadora Duncan.
After Praia Mole,
enjoy a romantic
dinner at this gayowned restaurant,
which overlooks the
beautiful Lagoa da
Conceic;;ao, one of
the island's major
lagoons. If you drink
too much, stay
overnight-they
have a penthouse
suite for rent above
the bistro.
'1. Go for
an Outdoor
Adventure. Floripa
specializes in outdoor activity, so
why not learn to
surf, or sandboard
the sugar-fine
dunes. You can also
sail, canoe, kite surf,
or hike, all within
easy proximity.
3. Samba at
Caravana. On
Saturdays and
Sundays, enjoy an
early evening of
samba, the signature
rhythmic Brazilian
dance with African
roots at your lesbian
bar. A very sexy thing
to do while watching
the sun set over
the lagoon. (brazilecojourneys com)
clrck
away
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the pleasantly shallow waters off the
private beach. Dinner is a very festive
affair at which the restaurant manager,
if you're lucky, comes out dressed in full
drag. Later, the restaurant turns into a
disco, so you can dance all night.
The full Brazilian
And now for that lesbian bar. Caravana Fusion Food e Trailer is a lesbian
establishment that is part indoors,
part outdoors, serves excellent drinks
and good food, and has the very relaxing atmosphere of a trailer park. Open
daily in the summer, and then Wednesdays through Sundays all year round,
Caravana is lesbian-owned, has live
music most days, and unites lesbians
of all stripes in a fun environment. It's
a good thing this bar is up to snuff, because it's the only openly lesbian bar in
Floripa. If you're on your way back from
the beautiful Praia Mole Beach, this is a
great option for happy hour and people
watching. And single lesbian travelers might just get lucky. (Avenida <las
Rendeiras, 1672, Lagoa da Concei9ao)
When to go
Florian6polis has a comfortable seaside climate, and the subtropical vegetation seems to whisper relax. But
Floripa does not exude the crushing
humidity you'll find on many subcontinental incarnations of paradise: It
actually experiences four seasons, with
a mild winter that occasionally sees a
frost, but nothing more. If you really
want to swim and play the beach bum,
summer is best-think anytime from
Christmas to Carnaval in February.
But if you want to meet amazing and
liberated women, go for Pride Week,
the first week in September. •
MARKtT
CIVIL UNIONS
Now LEGAL FORALL
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Take No Prisoners
It's time to plan our personal revolutions for the new year.
BY CHARLENE LICHTENSTEIN
(Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Because Capricorn is the
ruler of the tenth house
of long-term career
and one's status in the
community, Capricorn
dykes are happiest in
careers that afford them
power and influence
These gals start at the
bottom of the corporate
ladder in the sub
basement passing out
mail and serving coffee.
Through hard work,
patience, raw talent,
political acumen and
a dogged attitude
to succeed, she can
eventually rule the roost
AQUARIUS
(Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Sapphic Aquarians have
a very simple and logical
attitude toward finances
What is the value of
money other than a way
to get things done? The
revolution, after all, must
be funded. Aqueerian
gals don't tend to stock
up on dust-collecting
tchotchkes or highpriced status consumer
items. (We leave that to
the Leos) They also don't
tend to perniciously
stockpile for the
inevitable apocalypse;
that's Virgo territory
80
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
Make inroads into your
executive suite this winter with
careful, calculating maneuvers.
Go for the top job in anything
you pursue and, once having
attained power, wield it for
necessary change. Gal pals and
girlfriends with power give you
a helping hand, but know when
to relax and enjoy life too.
Health is highlighted this winter
and that means that proud
Lionesses need to ratchet up
the exercise and attend to a
stricter diet regimen. If you can
tone your bod, it will pay off in
dividends with partners and
other admirers. Remember, it is
never too early to prepare for
swimsuit season.
A fool and her money are soon
parted ...or is that partied?
Money figures prominently
in your life this winter. Use
your gotten gains to make
your life immeasurably more
comfortable. You have been
so fiscally careful recently that
you might have forgotten how
much fun you can buy.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
You hanker to escape to
parts known to explore parts
unknown with a certain lovely
lady. So far, so good, Taurus.
And yet, at a certain point, your
career beckons and you will
have to divert your attention
there. Think philosophicallythe more money you make,
the grander the vacation. Keep
that in mind as you burn the
midnight oil.
Not only are you much more
productive this winter, you can
also find unique and creative
solutions to any mundane and
seemingly intractable problem.
Roll up your sleeves and get
to work, Virgo. You can clear
off your desk by either doing it
yourself or craftily delegating.
Then you can relax and just
have fun!
There is no one more important
than you this winter, Cap.
And that is because you have
an extra dose of oomph and
charisma to spread around.
When you've got it, flaunt it. Use
all you've got to meet important
ladies who can help you launch
new projects. Expand your
social circle into a globe.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23)
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Powerful and well-endowed
lovergrrls like who they see and
gravitate into your orbit. Will
you allow them to enter your
atmosphere or will you enter
theirs, Gemini? Anything is
possible this winter if you can
get out of your comfort zone.
So resolve to expand your usual
galaxy of stars.
After a busy holiday party
season, your home is your
quiet refuge so try to spruce it
up with a few new flourishes.
Redecorate, renovate or
detonate, Libra. Then don't
be surprised if your new digs
attract a few admirers. Plan for
some homey, seductive and
relaxing tete-a-tetes all through
the winter!
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Make a New Year's resolution
to improve any one-to-one
relationships. It may just be that
it lacks spontaneity. Or maybe
it needs some other type of
oomph to stir her embers. For
those Cancer Crabs who are
currently clam digging, steam
them open by turning up the
heat. Or get into a little hot
water with a few new catches.
Ask and you shall receive. Make
the right moves and you will
receive even more. The world
is your oyster all through the
winter. Slurp it up. Scorpios
find many ways of effectively
communicating now, that will
not only make them feel more
confident and secure, but
also more sexy and seductive.
Watch out world.
There is a lot going on behind
the scenes that could change
your life. Not only do you
have a few secret admirers,
you also have a sixth sense
that enables you to grab the
advantage in any public arena.
This is no time to blend into
the background and observe,
although it is tempting to do so.
It is time to move mountains.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
Resolve to extend your social
reach and make many new gal
pals this winter. This can be
easily achieved by expanding
the range of your usual
activities. Get more involved in
groups-head up a committee,
join a club or just meander
around and get out and about.
You need to clear out the
cobweb~getoutofanyrutand
get into mischief.•
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istheauthorof HerScopes:
A Guide
to Astrology
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-tinyur!.com/HerScopes.
::,
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Nowavailable
asanebook.
2013
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FEATURES
~6
JUMPING THE BROOM
Jamaica's first lesbian wedding
becomes a media sensation.
By Merryn Johns
~9
BRINGING LESBIAN SEXY BACK
Reignite your love life by forgetting
everything the experts say
about lesbian bed death.
By Yana Tallon-Hicks
5~
TOYS FOR BOIS
We've got the sexy tricks and
tools of the transgender trade.
By Yana Tallon-Hicks
-38
JESSICA CLARK REVEALED
The True Blood star bares all about
her starring role in the new lesbian
hit, A Perfect Ending. Plus, interviews
with her co-star Barbara Niven and
director Nicole Conn. By Merryn
Johns and Laurie Schenden
6~
ISLAND PARADISE
Get away from it all with our favorite -island adventures in Hawaii and
Brazil. By Merryn Johns and
Kristin Flickinger
COVER PHOTO BY MARINA RICE BADER
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
1
JAN/FEB
2013
IN EVERYISSUE
6
EDITOR'S NOTE
8
FEEDBACK
9
CURVETTES
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
38
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#/#//////////////////////////
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 THIS IS WHAT A
LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE
Tattoo artist Siohvon Gilliam.
27 MUSIC
Watch out, White Party! Pop
sensation Anjulie is playing
The Dinah. By Jess McAvoy
12 SEXY GIFT GUIDE
Think hot, sweet and spicy
for this Valentine's Day.
14
HOT TEE
14 THE RUNDOWN
News from across the country.
15 BEAUTY
Metallic shimmer, bold black
and provocative pink are this
month's beauty essentials.
16 SCENE
dot429 Straight Talk
Conference and In The
Life Media Gala.
VIEWS
17 POLITICS
We helped put President
Obama back in the White
House, so where does our
community really stand now?
By Victoria A. Brownworth
20
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
22 THE TWO OF US
Our monthly profile of lesbian
couples who live, love and
work together.
2
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
24
LESBOFILE
25
SHE SAID
26
OUT IN FRONT
29 FILM
Sixties screen icon Charlotte
Rampling finally gets all the
attention she deserves from
a lesbian documentarian.
By Karin Schupp
31 BOOKS
Screen siren Gina Gershon also
loves to write, especially about
her pussy, Cleo. Take a sneak
peek at her hilarious cat tale.
By Kim Hoffman
CURVATURES
33 IN THE FLESH
Those mischievous Brits
are back again with their
fun fashion ideas. This time
they're taking us from naked
to naughty with bare skin and
lingerie. By Stella and Lucy
38 REBECCA'S SECRET
How a lesbian Playboy
executive turned her love for
Madonna and a keen fashion
sensibility into a brilliant line
of haute couture underwear.
By Merryn Johns
TheFloridaKeys
Key~st
Close To Perfect - Far From Normal
curvema
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Curve's on line selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
OLIVIA COMES OF AGE
The world's oldest and largest lesbian travel
company celebrates its 40th anniversary by
spoiling you on land and on sea. Take a peek
at this year's star-studded itineraries and
meet pioneering founder Judy Dlugacz.
DYKESDOWN UNDER
Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras is one of
the world's biggest LGBT parties and this year
is no exception. This three-week extravaganza
celebrates its 35th year and boasts endless
entertainment such as Emmy-winning star of Will
& Grace, Megan Mullally, Tony-nominated New
York performer Mx Justin Vivian Bond, Heather
Small from '90s house music act M People and
A BESPOKE BOUDOIR
PHOTO SHOOT
lots of lovely local Aussie talent.
LITERARYLOVE
OBSESSION
Herself When Missing is a new
novel by Sarah Terez Rosenblum
that plumbs the depths of
obsessive lesbian romance
and ask the question, why do
lesbians stay in dysfunctional
relationships for so long? "I do
think lesbians have a tendency
to fixate more fiercely than their
straight counterparts [do],"
says Rosenblum, and odds are
you'll recognize friends and
former lovers in this compelling
page turner.
4
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
ABSOLUTELY
FABULOUS
ARGENTINA
American expat Laetitia Orsetti
traveled to the land of the
tango for a vacation, and found
herself falling in love with
all things Argentinean, and
the idea of running her own
wedding business. With the
passage of marriage equality
south of the border, this out
lesbian encourages others to
make their dreams of the perfect wedding come true.
Esme & Eve Photography
offers the ultimate
Valentine's Day gift. This
duo has reinvented the
sensual genre of bedroom
portraits with a luxurious
fine art approach that
swaps fashion models with
role models ...that would be
you and your partner! Now
you can WIN a photoshoot
with Esme & Eve in Los
Angeles. For full details go
to curvemag.com.
RONT /
MERRYN'SMEMO
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
The Perfect Blend
of
Se~1,
JANUARY/
LESBIAN
FEBRUARY 2013
MAGAZINE
I VOLUME 23 NUMBER 1
PUBLISHERSilke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
n an increasingly hypersexual society we are under enormous pressure
to look as good as we can every day of our lives. Anyone who has
tagged themselves in a Facebook photo or fretted over what to choose
for their profile pie will agree that we are now captives of a new form
of media torture: how to represent our virtual selves.
As a young lesbian, long before the Internet took hold of and shaped
our lives, I felt self-conscious about my appearance, as though I were
misrepresenting my sexuality by being
feminine. It was easy to be misread as
heterosexual, and yet this was how I
looked. It would have seemed equally
uncharacteristic to forsake my female
appearance-not that butches and bois
aren't swoon-worthy. We know they are.
Now that I am of a certain age,
I know that there are many kinds
of beauty, many kinds of sexy. I also
know that lesbians have sometimes
had a difficult time embracing sexy, in
themselves and in others, for the erotic
has been identified with the evils of
objectification and the male gaze. But
after nearly two decades in print media, I believe that the female gaze
out-powers the male. Women have a special and intimate relationship
with the images in magazines. And so it gave me great joy to put
together the Sexy issue-for your viewing pleasure. It was also a treat to
work with my team to come up with a hot new look for the world's best
lesbian magazine. I hope you love it as much as we do! Please feel free to
send us your feedback.
What's sexy to you? To me, absolutely everybody in this issue is sexy.
Our cover girl, Jessica Clark, is simply delectable, and when you read her
interview on page 58 you'll find that she's as lovely inside as she is out.
Siohvan Gilliam has used the age-old art of indelible ink to inscribe her
idea of sexy on her own body. Married couple Whitney Mixter and Sara
Bettencourt keep our hearts pounding through three sizzling seasons
of The Real L Word and beyond. The widely admired actor Charlotte
Rampling is still heating up the cinema screen at the luscious age of 66,
and fellow Brits Stella and Lucy continue to encourage the sexy in all of
us with their cheeky fashion spreads. May this issue of Curve make you
feel like exploring your sexy self, in as many ways as possible!
~Zs
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGINGEDITOR Rachel Shatto
BOOK REVIEWEDITOR Rachel Pepper
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina
Daggett, Jillian Eugenics, Sheryl Kay, Jess McAvoy,
Stephanie Schroeder
EDITORIALASSISTANTS Rekara Gage, Molly Williams
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
EASTCOASTSALES
Robin Perron (910) 795-0907, robin@curvemagazine.com
NATIONALSALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
BUSINESSDEVELOPMENT
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Stefanie Liang
CONTRIBUTINGART DIRECTOR Sarah Crumb
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam L.
Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Traci
Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Jill Goldstein, Lisa Gunther,
Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman, Charlene
Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey, Jess
McAvoy, Ariel Messman-Rucker, Emelina Minero, Laurie
K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson,
Allison Steinberg, Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull,
Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD
Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes, Syd London, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
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Volume 23 Issue 1 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published monthly
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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to see my favorite magazine
give such a balanced analysis
of why we should vote for
Obama with conditions
attached. While Obama's
support of gay marriage no
doubt helped him win the
election, this is probably the
first time in our history as a
community that our demographic changed the course
of the country. It's time we
knew our power and thought
beyond our minority status.
-Elise Humphreys, St.
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Foster Fan
Thank you for the wellwritten article on Jen Foster
["Fostering Success;' Vol.
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multi-talented lady and it is
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-Alex Purnell, Montclair, NJ
Political Power
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to wrap my copy? I'm here,
I'm queer ...
-Elizabeth Preston,
Muncy, Penn.
Editor's Note: Curve comes
wrapped to protect the privacy
of subscribers. However, at the
request of readers, the wrapping has been changed.from
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2013
J.11e1ro111»
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Ditto, Again
I loved that you included
the gorgeous Beth Ditto as a
model in your Holiday Gift
Guide, but when oh when
is she going to be on your
cover? I think her music, her
politics and her image are so
amazing, it's time!
-Gossip Girl, via email
Editor's Note: Likewise, and
we're working on it!
Correction: Wake Forrest
Baptist Church, featured in
"Progress at the Pulpit" [Vol.
22#10], has no association
with the Southern Baptist
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KARIN SCHUPP
KRISTINFLICKINGER
YANATALLON-HICKS
LAURIESCHENDEN
Back in the '90s, after having
Whether enjoying Portland's
After receiving her degree in
For more than a decade
brought Germany's first lesbian
food cart scene or exploring
LGBT studies, Yana Tallon-Hicks
Laurie Schenden has covered
celebrity gossip column to the
the Korean spas of Los Angeles,
worked as a sex educator/sales
the entertainment industry
for Curve, the Los Ange/es
mildly irritated readership of
Kristin Flickinger believes magic
associate at female-friendly
(now defunct) queer-feminist
is around every corner. From the
sex toy shops Good Vibrations
Times and Germany's
magazine Schnepfe, Karin
Andes to the Outback, you can
and She Bop. And, luckily for
Spotlight magazine and is the
Schupp unflinchingly decided
find her hiking, biking, swimming
us, she's had sex on the brain
entertainment editor of GoWeho.
to dedicate her life to LGBTpop
and eating her way across some
ever since. Yana geeks out
com. Her cover stories for Curve
culture and has never looked
of the world's most stunning
about lube, practices often to
have included Sharon Stone,
back. Today, she regularly
landscapes. After two years of
achieve perfection, and just
Melissa Etheridge, the cast of
contributes to Germany's only
traveling the world, Kristin met
wants you to have an orgasm.
The L Word and in this issue
lesbian magazine, L-MAG, and
the love of her life and followed
When not regularly contributing
she interviews A Perfect Ending
star Barbara Niven and director
Berlin's queer events guide
her to L.A. two days later. Now
her sexpertise to Curve, such as
Siegessau/e, which gives her a
they adventure together. Kristin
her recommendations for trans
Nicole Conn. Laurie is also an
good excuse to constantly
spends her days as the L.A.
sex toys on page 54, Yana is
award-winning documentary
scan the Internet and social
associate director of AIDS/
writing her weekly sex column,
filmmaker and one of the co-
media "for professional reasons."
LifeCycle. Read more about
the V-Spot (facebook.com/
creators of the Laughing Matters
Read her interview with lesbian
Kristin's adventures at
thevalleyvspot).
film series, seen on Logo.
filmmaker Angelina Maccarone
mid leap.com.
on page 29.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
9
NDS/
THE GAYDAR
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I
~
~
~
I
THEGAYDAR
Takesone to know one? Let our gaydar help you decide who's hot,
who's not, who's shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
BYRACHEL
SHATTO
Lesbian author and social critic extraordinaire
Camille Paglia appears on the season finale of Watch
What Happens Live to wax academic about The Real
Housewives franchise we can't help but love
Rosie O'Donnell and Nene
Leakes guest as hilarious
and sassy co-hosts of
Anderson Live. So, CBS
when's the spin-off?
~
~
•
~
Rihanna and Kate Moss'
sexy Sapphic photo shoot
in V Magazine has our
hearts racing. Don't you
know it's cruel to bait
Fox 19 Cincinnati's Tricia Macke
issues an apology after GLAAD put
the smack down on the reporter for
referring to Rachel Maddow as an
"angry young man" on Facebook.
Way to keep it classy
True love is dead.
Heather Matarazzo
and Caroline Murphy
have called off their
Like a scene from
our steamiest
dreams, Sandra
Bullock and Chelsea
Handler strip down
for a fiery tete-a-tete
in which the actor
takes the host to
task for sleeping
with guests-or
something like
that, we can't really
concentrate on what
they're saying
Congratulations
Denise Ho and
welcome to the
lesbian clubhouse!
The Canto-pop star
comes out at the
Hong Kong Pride
Festival, declaring
herself a tongzhi
(comrade), Chinese
slang for gay
0
I
(.'.)
z
0
:s:
z
w
O'.l
_J
Sapphic succubus
fix? Good news,
Lost Girl is back
and with it more
of the hot Bo and
Lauren action
we crave
(.'.)
~
0
>
<,:
"'
O'.l
;:;;
w
::;:
<,:
Amanda Palmer blows us
away with her graphic and
oh-so NSFW lesbo-sexy
new video "Do It With A
Rockstar," which sees her
getting it on with a female
fan. Caution, this video is
hot, hot, hot!
10
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
Because you can
never have too many sexy
Sapphic thrillers, we are
waiting with baited breath
for Jamie Babbit's latest,
Breaking the Girls. The
film stars Madeline Zima
as a gorgeous lezzie with
murder on her mind
2013
Bisexual pop star Kesha
shows us her wild side in her
lesbotastic video "Die Young"
In which she plays the role of
a seductive cult leader. Now,
we're not advocating cultsbut she has us thinking
about converting ...
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Well hello there hotness! Meet Casey Legler-artist,
woman, and professional male model for Ford.
Recently profiled on Time.com, Legler can now add
"the object of our affection" to her growing resume
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THIS IS WHAT
A LESBIAN
LooKs LIKE
•
S1ohvon
Gilliam
This inked and proud,
up-and-coming tattoo
artist is ready to take
the tat world by storm.
ON LESBIANSAND BODYART: Body
art is an expressive way to explain
yourself without intentionally doing
so. Lesbians are drawn to the silent
introduction and to the moments of
wondering what the personality of
such a creative and expressive person
is. And, of course, because they think
it's sexy. As an artist, I'm attracted to
tattoos because I find interest in other
people's creative minds.
ON HERFIRSTTATTOO:I had just
turnjd 18 and we had a little tattoo getgi:rther. I was going around bragging,
h yean, I'm about to get this, that,
. I'm about to be a junior
bragged for hours, interrupting
people's tattooing, just bragging
was my turn to sit in the chair.
I punked out. I ended up leaving
·nitials, very tiny, on my
rds, I was like, I could get
.rn<Ja""41illl:'$Jidn't
even hurt.
attending Norfolk State University, and
graduating with a Bachelor of Fine
Arts. I have long-term goals to be
a life drawing college professor, a
professional tattoo artist or a tattoocommercial model. My long-term
goals inspire me to start now and end
strong. Two years ago I learned the
basics of tattooing, and now I hope
to apprentice somewhere and own
my own shop.
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ON WHAT DRIVESHERTO SUCCEED:
My mother is my biggest motivatoralong with my dad and my twin brother.
The words from [family] can always
push you to go harder and not quit.
Kat Von D is my motivator as a tattoo
artist. All of these things and people
motivate me to reach for my goals, one
slow step at a time.-Kim Hoffman
RY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
11
NDSJGIFT
GUIDE
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////A
2. Glitzy Love Games
This Camille Silk
Blindfold embellished
with Swarovski Crystals
will make any gal feel
like a queen. The ties are
six feet long and ready
for any bow or knot you
can imagine. Turn off the
lights and ignite
all your senses with this
silky treasure. $87,
hipsandcurves.com
t. Sexy Shades What's
a better aphrodisiac than a
great sense of humor? These
lighthearted shades are a
must-have accessory for ringing in St. Valentine's Day1$16,
uniquevintage.com
Spice things up this Valentine's Day with sexy gifts
to tantalize all your senses, Here are 15 gift ideas
sure to shake off that winter chill and put the heat
back in your hearts. BY MOLLY WILLIAMS
---
7. Flaunt It Does your girl
have curves for days? This
Mariko Underbust corset
by Hips and Curves will
turn her into a seductive
goddess Pair this steel
boned corset with the
Ruffle Demi Bra and thighhighs for a devastating
head-to-toe look. $99,
hipsandcurves.com
S. Bedtime Stories The latest edition of our favorite sexy series, Best
Lesbian Erotica 2013, blends the
slow burn of anticipation with the
heat of raw passion. Pick this up for a
naughty read under the covers with
your honey $12, amazon.com
6. Cast a Glow Di Potter's collection
of six ready-to-assemble translucent
mini lampshades turns a standard
wine glass and a flameless tea light
into a romantic table setting.
$22, dipotter.com
f2. Cuff Love Put a heart on your sleeve, literally, and get tied up in a sexy
good time. These Pink Heart Restraints from Babeland have our love
muscles pounding. With soft faux fur lining and durable pink leather on
the outside, they're dominantly sexy. $25, babe/and.com
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
ta. Naughty Bauble Let her know
what's on your mind with this saucy
Lust ring. Hand-crafted to your size,
it's the perfect fit for sassy, sexy
s. $18, aliljazzjewelry.etsy.co
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////L
~1.Say I Looove You
Oriol Balaguer Chocolate Hearts
come from a world champion
chocolatier and onto the tip of
your tongue for a sweet and
seductive sensation in flavors such
as passion fruit and floral rose.
$23, thesweetpa!ate com
a. Amorous Archery
Was it love at first sight? Let her
know with Cupid's Arrow Silver
Wrap Bracelet. It's a sweet and
sure way to send that special
message her way, all year long.
$8, uniquevintage.com
3. Caution! Curves Ahead
Hipstripes' graphic, sexy and
yet utterly comfortable undies
will get you the attention you
deserve. Available with customizable cheeky messages
like "SLIPPERYWHEN WET" and
"HIGH VOLTAGE" How's that for
to. For the Vintage Vixen
Allihalla's Rachel Underwear aren't
your average high-wasted panties.
This hand-made lingerie flatters
with its high waist and lace back.
Plus,they're customizable to any
size making them perfect for your
personal bedroom bombshell.
$20, allihalla etsycom
9. Sexy Sipper Pink, pleasing and
potent, the only thing bitter about
The Bitter Truth's Pink Gin is its name.
This sexy spirit adds a kick to V-Day
cocktails. We recommend a sparkling
pink gin and tonic to begin your
romantic rendezvous. $35,
the-bitter-truth.com
H. Rx Down There Whether you're
getting ready for a raunchy encounter
or need soothing after one, Medicine
Mama's VMagic is skin care for your
most sensitive parts, made from
organic and natural ingredients.
$20, sweetbeemagic.com
Jo. Come A Knockin' How
better to get down and dirty than
to get clean? LUSH's Do Knot
Disturb bundle comes with a
lavender bubble bar, the ultimate
fizzy Sex Bomb, yummy smelling
Jasmine soap and the awesomely
edible honey cocoa massage bar
Soft Coeur .. pun intended.
$30, lushusa.com
PJ. RodeoH My Wor
cute butchy briefs and
for an uncomfortable h
closer to your partner t
and do it in style. $4
uty as
cement
et a little
ine's Day
h.com
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
13
■
w,.,_,-,-,-,,_,a
THE ,,-,-,;;
RUNDOWN
By Sassafras
Lowrey
• After a hotly contested race for
Wisconsin's open senate seat, Tammy
Baldwin, a Democrat, beat out
Tommy Thompson, a former
Bush administration official,
to become the first female
senator in the state's history and the first openly
gay person to be elected to
the U.S. Senate.
• The Department of Defense has
announced that Sgt. Donna R. Johnson,
a lesbian, was killed "supporting Operation
Enduring Freedom" in Afghanistan. Sgt.
Johnson is survived by her wife, Tracy Dice,
and was killed when an insurgent detonated
a suicide vest while she was out on patrol.
She was outed in a Facebook notice from The
American Military Partner Association, which
plans to share more of the couple's story.
• Kathryn Katalinich and Brooke Creef, a
lesbian couple, say they were attacked, both
verbally and physically, at the Atlanta Pride
host hotel. The women allege that two men
hurled anti-gay slurs then pushed them to
the ground, and that onlookers did not come
to their defense. Police say they are currently
reviewing the hotel's surveillance video.
OT TE
• Nordstrom has issued a company-wide
memo signed by the luxury retailer's executives outlining its philosophical approach,
which includes "a workplace where every
employee is welcomed and respected."
The company, which has already offered
OF THE MONTH
When things get hot and heavy, just
keep calm and fairy on in a Dyke
Tees tank. And in the dyke typewriter
$20 and Up, d YketeeS.COm
domestic partnership benefits and includes
■
sexual orientation in its anti-discrimination
policy, has now come out in favor of marriage equality, saying, "It is our belief that our
gay and lesbian employees are entitled to
~:i:~~;:1
7
Pop 1 1teQues1io11
Queer your romantic traditions
with Rony Tennenbaum's
revolutionary queer engagement
and wedding bands. This eternal
jewelry made specially for the
LGBT community is the perfect
way to say forever.
ronytennenbaum.com
14
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
and were married during the time marriage
was legal in California, their relationship
cannot be recognized by the state. As a
result, Searcy is not considered to be "the
spouse of the child's mother," and the court
unanimously ruled that she couldn't adopt
the couple's 6-year-old son. Openly gay
state Rep. Patricia Todd responded to the
ruling, saying, "If we truly care about the
welfare of children, it's most important that
they be in a loving family. It restricts the
ability to raise the child if only one parent
can have custody."
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Bedroom Eyes
High-impact cat eye
looks have never been
easier or more intense
than with Cailyn Gel
Eyeliner. Create vivid,
smooth lines with the
built-in brush that, once
dry, are smudge- andwaterproof for 24 hours.
$21, cailyncosmetics.com
Get Naked Urban Decay's gorgeous Naked 2 palette
takes neutral and nude colors from boring to bombshell
with shimmer shadows and rich contour-friendly
browns and black. Plus, it comes with our favorite
plumping lipgloss, Lip Junkie in Naked, and a must-have
double-sided Good Karma Shadow and Crease Brush.
$50, urbandecay.com
Peek-a-boo Go gothic glam with Eye Rock's
Eye Lace. This eye-catching temporary tattoo
favors the bold, so don't be afraid to pair it
with true red or hot pink lippy, a shimmery
cheek and a Siouxsie & The Banshees mix
tape. $10, nailrock.com
Lash Out Glam your lashes out with MUD's
squeezable tube mascara. This pigment-rich
formula from the world-renowned professional
make-up school is available in cream or volumizing
formula (our favorite) Plus, the unique squeezable
packaging reduces waste and prevents the
mascara from drying out. $14, mudshop.com
Sweet Cheeks Get that oh-so-naughty
flush with Nars' Super Orgasm Blush.
This peachy pink blush adds color and
glitz with a hint of gold glitter. It may
not be the most fun way to achieve
that dazzling glow but it's a close
second. $28, narscosmetics.com
'Jiigff_IJrama
SHOW-STOPPING
METALLICSHIMMER,BOLDBLACKAND PROVOCATIVE
PINK
BY RACHEL SHATTO
Pop Art Pucker
Nars' Kiss Larger Than Life
Lip Gloss Coffret is Just
what lip gloss lesbians
have been longing for.
Inspired by the luscious lips
of Andy Warhol's muses,
this five-gloss set includes
shades of silver, beige and
hot pink. $55, sephora.com
Desirable Digits
Festoon your fingertips
with Ginger and Liz
Nail Polish in suggestive shades. Heat
things up with Demi
Cup, a sweet, flirty
pink or strut your stuff
with the metallic rose
shade, Swagger. No
matter your hue you
can't go wrong with
this vegan-friendly
nail lacquer line.
$12, gingerandliz.com
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
15
NDS!SCENE
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////4
dot429
Straight
Talk
Conference
InThe
Life
Media
Gala
POLITICAL
PARTIES
Two New York City events celebrated the importance of the LGBT movement.
dot429,
the largest professional
LGBT online network which hosts
receptions, dot429 hosted the perfect networking event to bring
events nationally, brought the New York City community together
the community together during a pivotal moment in the fight for
for the dot429 StraightTalk Conference, Oct. 12-14, 2012. Held
our rights, and fortunately, it paid off.
at the Tribeca Grand Hotel and emceed by LGBT activist Cathy
Brooks, dot429 featured influential speakers in the LGBTcommunity
InThe
Life
Media
celebrated
along with allies in sports, media, politics and corporate America,
of LGBTjournalism at its gala on Oct. 1 at the New York Historical
such as political activist David Mixner, former NFL player Wade
Society. It announced December as the final episode of its
Davis and American Idol runner up Kimberley Locke. Held prior to
Emmy-nominated series, In the Life and a new direction as
the elections, with marriage equality on the ballot and the future of
a web-based, open-source repository of video archives
our rights on the line, the conference emphasized the importance
documenting the LGBT movement. The fund-raising gala
of bringing our authentic selves into the workplace and into the
honored out Headline News journalist Jane Velez-Mitchell
limelight to further the progress of the LGBT community. Filled
with the Pioneer Award. Attendees included Katherine Linton
with panel discussions, movie screenings, luncheons and cocktail
and Glennda Testone. -Lauren Leiggi
20 years as a respected producer
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2013
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POLITICS
»
ADVICE
»
COMMUNITY
»
Politics Jor lhe New Year
Wehelped
President
Obama
earn
asecond
term,
sowhatnow?
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
I
like inaugurations. Even if I
haven't voted for a particular
candidate, a presidential inauguration is always a statement
about American democracy: We move
forward, not backward, as a nation.
That's one constant on the American
political landscape. Also, no coups, no
martial law, no bloody election-day riots,
and no machine gun fire on those cold
inauguration days.
I am among the many who are heartily glad that Mitt Romney won't be the
man taking the pledge on the National
Mall in Washington this year, but I have
some concerns about President Obama
as he moves into a second term. Those
concerns are predicated on what he
promised-and reneged on-during his
first term in office. This time around, we
must demand more.
This election didn't change the party
in the White House, and there were only
minor changes in the makeup of the
Congress. For queers, however, it meant
that the first out queer was elected to
the Senate when Congresswoman Tammy
Baldwin won her race in Wisconsin.
Maine, Maryland and Washington all
voted in favor of marriage equality, and
Minnesota opened the door to marriage
equality by rejecting a gay-marriage ban.
But while those events were historic,
and reflect a more mainstream attitude
toward LGBT people in America, we have
a new presidential term ahead of us and
as Progressives and people of conscience,
we have to ask ourselves: "Whatnow?
A few months before the election, I
wrote that we needed to hold President
Obama accountable. After all, he could
not have won reelection without us:
Single and younger women constituted
his largest demographic-and that's lesbians
(since even when we've been coupled for
decades, the government still considers us
as single). The New York Times noted a
week after the election that the "gay"vote
had helped Obama win the election.
Obama needed us to get where he is.
Now we need him to be answerable to us.
Different Progressive voices have
had different things to say about what
Obama "owes" us, post-election. Some
have said "End the wars;' others have
said "Stop the drones;' still others have
said "Force climate change as an issue:'
I would add, "Stop the overemphasis on
terrorism and close Guantanamo, as you
promised to do by January 2009."
But there is more-a lot more.
At the top of my list of requests for the
president is: Release Bradley Manning
from prison.
I have been writing about Manning
since his arrest in May 2010. Manning
has been treated viciously by the Obama
administration. Activist and :filmmaker
Michael Moore refers to Manning as
a "national hero;' and I would have to
agree. He is accused of treason-for
releasing state secrets. But ifhe is culpable then so are The New York Times, The
Washington Post and The Guardian, all
of which have published the documents
he is alleged to have released to the press
through WikiLeaks.
There is no question that Manning
acted in the best interests of America
and the American people. Thanks to him,
Americans who want to be informed
(many don't) about the actions of the
Obama and Bush administrations with
regard to Iraq, Afghanistan and a series
of covert wars we are waging in Yemen,
Somalia, and other places are now made
more aware.
But the way Manning has been treated,
according to Human Rights Watch and
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
17
st
POLITICS
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Amnesty International, is nothing short
of torture.
Obama should pardon him. Now.
Obama should also rethink his stance
on marriage equality. In May 2012, the
President-forced,
many insiders said,
by Vice President Biden's pro-equality
statements a few days earlier-came out
in defense of marriage equality.
Sort of
It's not that Obama didn't say he
thought we should all have the right to
marry. He did. For years he'd been saying
that he was "evolving" on the issue of
our civil rights, but the day after North
Carolina voted to ban marriage equality,
he said his evolution was complete.
It would have been better if he had
completed that evolutionary process a
few days earlier-it might have swayed
the vote in the state that the Democrats
had chosen for their convention -but
he didn't. And he also didn't give us his
full support. He said he thought we were
equal, but that the states should still be
allowed to say we weren't.
I won't belabor the irony in America's
first biracial president saying that the
states should be allowed to decide civil
rights. I'll just put it out there for us to
think about (and try to make excuses for).
So, in his second term, I'd like to see
the president evolve all the way-pay
more than lip service to our civil rights
and pick one of his many options on
marriage equality.
He can issue an executive order invalidating DOMA (the Defense of Marriage
Act). He can issue an executive order
requiring the federal government to give
legally married queer couples the same
rights that straight married couples have.
Or he can urge Congress-including those
members of his own party who just don't
seem to recognize that this is the civil
rights movement of the 21st century-to
overturn DOMA. Since Congress overturned DADT in 2011, married queers
in the military are still treated differently
than married straight people in the military. It's time the benefits-social and legal
and monetary-of marriage accrued to
all Americans.
Obama needs to make it clear that it
is not OK to leave civil rights up to the
18
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
states, because if Lyndon Johnson had
done that when the issue was civil rights
for black people, Obama would not be
president now.
The president also has to take a stand
on poverty. We heard endlessly about
the middle class during the campaign
for president. But it was Mitt Romney
who raised the issue of how many more
Americans were living in poverty and on
food stamps under this administration.
Romney was making the point that
Americans were not faring well under
Obama, but neither he nor the president
addressed what that increase in poverty
actually means.
Now that he's been reelected, the
president has got to acknowledge that
poverty in American is at its highest level
since the Great Depression and that the
majority of people in poverty are women
and children.
Many lesbians live in poverty. The
idea that we are all Ellen and Portia is
just wrong. Worldwide, women bear the
brunt of poverty, but that is also true in
America, where single women and older
women are the most likely to be living
with it. Not only does Obama need to
speak out about poverty and about how it
is impacting women in the U.S., he has to
do something about it.
''
One of the signal
issues that Obama ran
on as a candidate was
!
women's equality. He
regularly invoked his
mother and his two
young daughters. But
since the Great Recession hit America,
women have acquired
only one in 1,000 of
the jobs that Obama
takes credit for creating, through various
job-creation programs.
Women lost as
many jobs as men, but
did not get them back.
Among the people who
are unemployed and underemployed in
America today, the largest demographic
are women, and the worst hit are women
over 40. And it's essential that the
1
president and his party not cave in on
the issue of so-called entitlements like
Social Security and Medicaid. The social
safety net was devised by Democratic
presidents FDR and LBJ to make sure
that the poor (who were mostly women
then, too) didn't literally die in the streets
from homelessness and starvation.
The president also must take a stand
on discrimination against LGBT people
in the workplace. Those of us who do have
jobs are under constant threat because
of our sexual orientation. LGBT issues
may have moved to the mainstream, but
discrimination against us remains at an
all-time high.
Second terms offer presidents many
advantages. President Obama alienated
many Progressives throughout his first
term with his centrist and even rightleaning policies and stances. In his
second term, he has the opportunity to
move his party back to the left, where
it belongs, and to address some of the
most important issues of our times, from
climate change to equality for all.
Obama and the Democrats spent
much of the past four years blaming
the Republicans for their inability-or
unwillingness- to take tough stands on
issues vital to all Americans, and especially to women and queers
and minorities. But for
the first two years of his
administration, President
Obama had a majority in
the House and the Senate,
and still did nothing to
the
move a Progressive agenda
forward.
That has to change
in his second term and
we have to demand it of
him. He's maintained the
White House because of
us and now it's time for a
quid pro quo.
We need you to step up,
Mr. President. Legacies are
built on second terms. You
can build yours on equality
and Progressivism.
We have to hold you to your promises,
because if ever we needed an advocate in
the White House, it's now. •
d liketo see
the president
evolvea//
way-pay more
than lip service
to our civil rights
and pick one of
his many options
on marriage
equality
''
ER MIAMI
pandoraevents
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MAGAZINE
DESIGN BY: MARIA ESPINAL 305.776.6901
L..!l4-she
st LIPSTICK+DIPSTICK
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
We're Dying lo
HaveaBaby!
Breathalyzer on a U-Haul truck,
something those of us who have
which detected dating history.)
lived through it call the "five-year
Instead of setting up the nurs-
itch." Whether you've been with
ery, set yourselves up for the
other women is not really the
future. Harness that insatiable
issue. You're starting to realize
One
young
couple
fights
theurge
to getpregnant.
energy and secure yourselves a
that this could possibly be the
BY LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
solid foundation, which includes
last person you'll ever have sex
stable jobs, good healthcare
with-until
and enough money in the bank
have the butterflies that come
to buy a year's worth of diapers
from the anticipation of a first
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: My girlfriend
and I are in a very serious relationship. We
live together, and have gotten three pets
already. I am completely confident that
she is "the one" and vice versa. The issue
we're having, however, is we want a baby
desperately, but we know it's not a good
time to have one. My parents would say
it's too soon, her grandparents wouldn't
understand, and we are pretty broke. Not
to mention we're not married and don't
have a house yet. I know it's a bad time,
but the craving is killing me! How do we
stop ourselves from having a baby?
-First Comes Love..
you die. You'll never
and formula. Fair warning: If
kiss. You will never see a hot
you don't heed this advice, your
woman across the room and
little family may fall apart faster
wonder if you'll end up tied to
than you gestated it. Nothing
her bedpost by her silk scarf
pops the joy bubble faster than
later that night. You'll never gasp
financial pressure, so if you
at the first sight of her naked
have premature baby eJacula-
body. You're starting to realize
tion, it's sure to be a disastrous
this is it for you, and you must
Hindenburg-style Lez Zepplin.
determine if it's enough. Perhaps
you want to throw your trap
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
back in the ocean to see if you
I've been in a committed
can catch a better lobster.
relationship with my partner
Amanda for five years. Before I
Lipstick: You poor cynical
met her, I had never been with
butch. It has everything to
a woman. Previously, I had
do with the one notch on her
been married to a man, and we
dyke belt. Itching, if Dip hasn't
divorced. Amanda and I have
aroused enough curiosity, with
always had a great connection,
her hypothetical silk scarf, my
but part of me has always felt
answer may add another layer
insecure because I've been
of doubt. First, you're not being
Lipstick: The best way to not
chocolate when you get your
with only one woman, and
selfish, just refreshingly honest.
have a baby is to stay away from
period, sex when your girlfriend
that's it. Amanda, on the other
No apologies for that-ever.
sperm. Don't even say the word.
wears that lacey G-string, or the
hand, dated at least a dozen
Unfortunately, though, honesty
need to yell and throw popcorn
women before me, so when
likes to drag along its prickly
when the Patriots lose, you'll
we met, she had already gone
friend, known on the therapist's
pretty easy to avoid pregnancy.
be able to talk yourself off the
through her "gay puberty."
couch as hard work. My advice:
Friends of mine who've gone
sperm bank ledge when the
I just feel that I've missed a
Tell your girlfriend how you're
through the process say it costs
desire starts to peak Beyond
critical part of being a lesbian
feeling. I wouldn't word it
about $5K per insemination.
that, what you really need to
by not knowing what else is
just as you did above, but try
That's not even counting the
think about is not just what you
out there, even though I can't
something softer, less resolute,
cost of onesies, car seats, stroll-
want, but what is in the best
complain about my current
more conversational. Knowing
ers, pacifiers, Tonka trucks and
interests of this child. If you think
relationship. I'm generally happy
she's your first, Amanda is
stock car-driving lessons. Then
you can provide a loving home,
and satisfied with my life. Are
probably half expecting this
again, my parents had eight
with all the basics-food, shelter
my feelings valid, or am I just
(most certainly dreading it). If
kids (and adopted another),
and clothing; a college education;
being selfish? I don't want to
you don't confess and you hold
and they were broke, but I think
the latest iPhone-then go for it.
ruin my relationship with my
it inside, you'll do just as much
partner by saying "I need a
damage (if not more) than if
Dipstick: Well, if you're broke, it's
we turned out pretty good. I've
Lipstick: One of the great
many things about being with a
break to find myself:' Any advice
you came right out and uttered
watching my friends I think there
would be appreciated.
the words. She'll feel it in your
truly is something that makes
woman is there are no oopsy-
-Itching to Explore
touch, see it in your eyes. Often,
women "crave" a baby. Maybe if
daisy babies. In this regard, it's
you understand that it's simply a
like a bumper for bad decision-
natural biological urge, like craving
makers. (If only there were a
never wanted a baby, but from
20
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
saying the tough stuff is less
Dipstick: Don't fret. Your
feelings are very normal. It's
debilitating than withholding it.
Speak your truth.
W///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
thank you in the end, and if not,
you will thank you in the end.
Dipstick: I love letters like this
because they crack me up.
17
O\PS1\C10
I~
Columbia, you really think you're
keeping your relationship from
her children? Who still live with
you? WTF? Maybe coming out
will encourage their freeloading
asses to move out of your house.
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
out. I am thinking of leaving
door closed. She's insisted, but
By staying closeted, the only
My partner and I have been
her, but still love her so much.
you've conceded. Why? The
thing you're doing is affirming to
together 12 years, living
What do I do? -In the Closet
good news is it's never too late
her children that you're ashamed
together for eight. She has
in Columbia
to make better life choices,
of your love for each other. And
and writing to Dipstick and me
Lipstick is right-you're both
us. At her insistence, we are
Lipstick: Darn tootin', it's
is a step in the right direction.
responsible. It's time to come out,
still in the closet. We do not
time-time
Unequivocally, you deserve
but this issue has been festering
share a bedroom. I'm tired of
"We come out together or I
more, so yell "Towanda!" and
so long, I'd recommend that you
this. I love her very much but
come out and leave." You're
kick that door down. Facing the
first talk to a couples counselor,
I want more. I think it's time
blaming this on her, but you're
loss of your love might be the
to get to the root of her shame
she allows herself to come
just as guilty of keeping the
push she needs. She'll probably
and your complicity.•
her adult children living with
for an ultimatum:
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THETWO OF us
. ,,
•·l
11
Ashley (left) and Ciara Neal
Ciara & Ashley
Together
fortwoyears
andcounting,
Ciara
Neal,
21,andAshley
Neal,
19,
share
theiryoung
loveinthebright
spotlight
ofalarge
Tumblr
following.
HOW THEY MET
Ciara: We met through a mutual friend. Ashley pretty much fell all over herself to get my
attention. She kept "nonchalantly" sneaking peeks at me the entire time we hung out,
but she couldn't directly look me in the eyes. It was actually pretty cute.
ON THEIR SUDDEN TUMBLR FAME
Ciara: Ashley has over 6,000 followers and I have around 4,000. I really love the variety
of people I get to talk to. We receive messages every day. For me, the attention has had
both positive and negative aspects to it. I feel there is a slight duty on my part to be there
22
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
''
YOU
DON'T
AlWAYS
HAVt
TOHAVt
THtANSWrns
TOTHtPROBltMS,
BUT
llSTtNING
GOtS
AlONG
WAY.
for people. I love giving advice, so when
''
I get 15 messages from ladies and gents
WHAT MAKES THEIR
RELATIONSHIP WORK
asking for help, I try my hardest to do what
Ashley: I guess what makes it work is just
I can. I can't tell you how many times I have
our pure, raw, natural love for each other.
received messages from our followers
The feelings we have outweigh anything
thanking me for just listening to them.
else. We are normal, just like every other
couple. We fight, we laugh, we disagree,
Ashley: I would call it an honor. I like
but at the end of the day we will always
being there for others; I don't think it's
come back to each other because of that
my job or that I have to force myself on
feeling we hold for one another.
THUNDERSHIRT
CALMS FEAR
OF LIFE'S SCARY SITUATIONS
people [by having a Tumblr presence]. I
just like doing it, and it comes naturally.
HOW THEY GET THROUGH
HARD TIMES
ON COMING
Ciara: Listening. I feel like people don't
OUT
Ciara: My mother basically "outed" me
listen enough in relationships. You don't
when I wasn't quite ready. We had a lot of
always have to have the answers to the
bad fights over this. I think she just didn't
problems, but listening goes a long
know how to handle it, you know? She
way. Empathizing. I try to put myself in
went through the whole cycle of saying
her shoes during the tough times. And
it was a "phase" and that I never showed
support. I back Ashley on any decision
any signs of being a lesbian-because,
she makes. Ashley has Neurofibromatosis,
"it's like a sickness with symptoms!"
which is a genetic disease where her body
Ultimately, it was the reason I had to
grows tumors on her nerve endings. It has
move out.
really been hard on her. She is in constant
pain every day. I know I can't make the
Ashley: I do think it is very important to
pain go away, but I can be there at every
come out because when you're keeping
doctor's appointment and try to pick her
all that in or you're in denial of it because
up when she is feeling bad.
Lotsof dogssufferfromanxiety
or overexcitement.
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tendencies.
you don't want others to know, you just
end up living a lie. It gets hard to keep that
Ashley: I think in tough times there is
lie going after a while, and it takes a lot out
nothing that we really need other than
of you- emotionally and physically-to
each other. We don't even need to talk
not just be yourself. Since I came out, my
aloud about what is going on. We can just
confidence has greatly increased. I started
connect with each other emotionally and
acting, dressing and doing things the way
usually,just holding each other gets me
I wanted to do them. I started loving who I
through tough times. Just knowing I still
wanted. It's made me a better person and
have her could get me through anything.•
I'm happier. I'm now at the point where I
don't really care what others think and it
lotharioeatsladiesss.tumblr.com,
feels pretty good.
lotharioslady.tumblr.com
thundershirt
Hug away the fear.
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LESBOFlLE
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////A
W////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Matarazzo
and Caroline
Murphy
Sexy Sapphic Scuttlebutt
Heather is single, Christina gets dirty and is the §lueen
finally coming out? ev Jocn vN voo
Day In, Day Out
Daytime talk television is getting a new
face in the form of royalty-The Queen
Latifah Show will air on CBS starting
early next year. But rather than kicking
off the series by digging into a big-name
celeb, according to the National Enquirer,
Queen Latifah may be turning the mic
on herself by publicly outing herself a la
Ellen DeGeneres.
While speculation on her sexuality
has certainly heated up amidst the news
that she'd severed ties with longtime
personal trainer and alleged girlfriend
Jeanette Jenkins and was now frolicking
in Barbados with a new babe, Latifah
has never publicly commented on her
private life. Come January, though, she
might be changing her tune.
It's the Most Horrible Time of the Year
There's no colder time than winter ...
except when you're also weathering a
break-up over the holidays. Such was
the case for The Princess Diaries actor
Heather Matarazzo and her fiancee
Caroline Murphy, who not only were
engaged for over three years, but also
moved clear across the country from
California (where the passing of Prop. 8
24
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
crippled their wedding plans in 2008) to
New York specifically so their marriage
would be legal.
Now that's one Winnebago-ed road
trip we'd rather not take.
Gay: Always in Style
While gay men and fashion are practically synonymous, it's different for out
women in the field. Which is why when
all-American brand J. Crew's president
Jenna Lyons came out at Glamour
magazine's Women of the Year Awards,
it was more than just preppie heads in
boatneck tees that turned.
When Lyons decided to come out, she
chose to take a page out of actor Jodie
Foster's book: in her acceptance speech
as 2012 Fashion Original, she thanked
her girlfriend, jewelry designer Courtney
Crangi, for "show[ing] me new love:'
Previously married and with a son, Lyons
found solace in and heart for longtime
friend Crangi, whom she'd known for
years in the biz.
Coming out in a big way is definitely
a "do" for this season.
XXXMusic
A dykey haircut does not a lesbian make-
yet Miley Cyrus, with her newly shorn
platinum locks may see a windfall from
a girl-on-girl porn deal if she decides to
sign on the dotted line.
According to TMZ, Cyrus was offered a
lucrative contract to star in a softcore film
with porn star Jessie Andrews, who happens to be featured in Miley's new music
video "Decisions:' The idea: recreate the
music video, and subtract clothing as well
as Cyrus's fiance, Liam Hemsworth.
A million dollars to make out with
a porn star? We're more curious to see
who'd be interested in seeing it.
Rrrejected
Looks like motherhood hasn't tempered
Christina Aguilera's inner bad girl-the
ex-Voice coach reportedly set her sights
on fellow Disney Channel alumna Vanessa
Hudgens at a party, inviting her back
home for a threesome with her and the
pop star's boyfriend.
The two women were seen getting
playful, but then "out of the blue [Christina] stumbled over to Vanessa and
begged her to come back home with her
and Matt;' a source told Star. "Vanessa
was taken aback but smiled and politely
declined the offer:'
Getting dirrrty on the dancefloor?
Now that sounds like the Xtina we all
remember.•
VIEWS/SHE
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////4
s
W////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
"I will never say I haven't
fantasized or had sexually
explicit dreams about
women before! That would
make me a liar! I've been
called a lesbian since I got
into the entertainment
business! You're no one till
someone calls you gay lol."
-Marsha Ambrosius on lesbian rumors
ia Facebook
"I've been around the world and back so many times, I
think everybody's gay. Everybody's a little gay. As far as
my personal life, I don't go into details because that's all
I've got-but
I am secure enough to say that of all of my
relationships, I've covered the boundaries ...so the best
thing to do is just be who you are and be proud of it and
hopefully everybody can love who they want to love."
"I have been completely out for 30
years. Everything I've done, every
step I've taken, has been to further a
positive perception of queers within
the world. There was a time in the
u.J
z
early 1990s where they wanted me
2
to wear lipstick. That was the time
z
u.J
""
~
when the lipstick lesbian thing was
z
all the rage. I did it for about six
I
<(
>
months, and then I went, 'I can't do
this anymore. This is not who I am.'
It's not who millions and millions
of dyke butches are out there, and
someone has to present that image.''
-Lea De/aria to
The Huffington Post
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
25
s10UT IN FRONT
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I
PassionPrevails
~
Local community isjust thefirst stop on the road to equality.
~
~
BY SHERYL KAY
-
,
., ..
• l •.
;'
,-; 4
_--~
LOVE
~ ISA
-~ HUMAN
~ RIGHT
~
4
Amnesty International
PROTECT THE HUJ••.tAN
Naome Ruzindana
Rwanda/Sweden» LGBTCivilRights
As if N aome Ruzindana hadn't faced
enough hardship for a lifetime-surviving
several years of massive carnage as
tribal warfare took thousands of lives
in her home country of Rwanda, and
forced her family to flee to Uganda. She
then returned to Rwanda and found the
courage to come out, in one of the most
virulently anti-gay places on the globe.
"Most of my friends started despising
me, and my family was not happy about
what was circulating, and I had to continue disguising and pretending not to be
what they were suspecting;' she recalls.
As with so many lesbians, Ruzindana
felt that it was best to try to conform.
She married a man and had two children.
But she eventually realized she could not
pretend anymore, and although her surrounding environment was (and still is)
extremely homophobic, she became an
ardent LGBT activist.
"There's nothing that grows in the
closet, so I had to come up and speak
about what was not right for me, because
I believe defending people's rights starts
right with me, so I actually did it for myself, not for the community," she says.
"However, many benefited from it, many
learned from it."
Ruzindana is often credited with
starting the LGBT civil rights movements in Rwanda when she returned, a
26
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
decade ago. She helped to found the Horizon Community Association (HOCA), an
NGO that addresses the challenges and
injustices endured by the community
there. She also worked to form the umbrella
group Coalition of African Lesbians, which
originated in Namibia and serves the
needs of gay women across the continent.
Because the government, religious
fundamentalists, and societal tradition
have continued to suppress LGBT people in the name of God, law, and culture
in Rwanda, life is tenuous at best, and
often very dangerous. While there are no
specific laws prohibiting homosexuality,
gays face daily harassment from their
families, at work, in school, at public
facilities and in church. Ruzindana herself recently moved to Sweden to avoid
the unending persecution, but is always
hoping to return home again someday.
"I believe that the strength and change
we are looking for is within us;' Ruzindana says. "Nobody can ever feel your
pain unless you share it out loud. I believe
in persistence and standing up for what I
believe in. Duty first and leisure last:'
Arline Welty
Chicago» Transportation
The daughter of a potter and a graphic
designer, Arline Welty has taken her
affinity for urban and industrial design,
I
.
~
~
coupled with her talent for activism, and
applied them to improving Chicago's
transportation system, especially for bikers. It is not in America's best interests,
she feels, to continue to build expensive
highways for single-occupancy vehicles,
and notes that there are much more
efficient ways to accomplish the same
mobility goals.
"This means that we need to really
rethink the existing physical infrastructure and re-scribe their uses;' says Welty,
the founder of Bike Uptown, a transportation advisory group working with the
local 46th Ward alderman. "I am motivated to try and solve these big problems,
particularly on the neighborhood level,
where you can actually do things like
install a protected bike lane or transform
a street into a plaza:'
While getting around the Windy City
may need a big overhaul, Welty says gay
life is outstanding. Parties with queer
DJs, a lively arts community, the annual
Chicago Dyke March and radical groups
like the Transformative Justice Law Project are just some of the many aspects of
the vibrant gay culture in this city.
"I mean, it is alive;' she says. "I would
invite anyone who is struggling in a
place where it's hard to be out to buy a
Megabus ticket this weekend, come to
Chicago, and be with your people:'
Of course, although she enjoys taking
on an issue like transportation in Chicago,
Welty knows that finding a solution to
some ongoing problems is easier said
than done-such as challenging the very
real homophobia still exists across the
country. She is hopeful that the day will
come when transgender and gendernonconforming people are no longer
targeted for hate-motivated violence and
service denial.
"Queer people everywhere need to be
able to get access to the health care, the
security and the love that they deserve;'
she says. "For my part, I hope to be a lifelong ally for all these issues:' •
-
curve
MUSIC
» FILM
» BOOKS
Woman
Power
Rising
popstarAnjulie
onworking
withtnebest
women
inthebusiness,
andplaying
atTheDinah.
BY JESS MCAVOY
Los Angeles-based Torontonian Anjulie has been turning heads with her infectious
pop music since her hit song "Boom" raced all they way to the top of the U.S. dance
chart in 2009. But this isn't your ordinary pop star. Anjulie is no stranger to being
different, from her exotic Indian features (her grandparents immigrated from India to
Guyana), to fronting a punk band in high school, to writing her own material and other
people's too. If she's not on your music radar yet, she will be soon. Anjulie performs at
The Dinah in 2013 for the first time, at the legendary White Party on April 5.
What are you doing in L.A. at the moment?
Working on the album, writing songs ...
working on the video and stuff.
Are you enjoying the L.A. lifestyle?
I do love living in L.A. It took a while to
adjust to it but it's great.
The Dinah is one of our biggest lesbian
events. Are you looking forward to performing there?
I'm really excited about it. I was supposed
to play it last year but we had the Juno
Awards instead.
I think that's a good excuse to have
missed it last year.
True. I'm excited to play it this year, the
idea of playing on a lineup with all women
is great. I played Lilith Fair in 2010 and
it was amazing.
Why did you love that experience?
A few artists that I love and have always
admired were playing there so it was like
a dream come true. I've always been a huge
fan of Alanis Morissette, Missy Elliott and
many of the artists that have done Lilith.
Plus working with Sarah McLachlan
was really special. That show was really
important to me.
"Brand New Bitch" and "Stand Behind the
Music" are pretty contradictory songs.
How did you go about writing them?
The funny thing is that I wrote them both
the exact same way. I was in the studio
with two different producers. They just
played some chord progressions and I
kind of just freestyled over the music.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
27
REVIEWS/
MUSIC
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////~
W////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
EDITOR'S
PICK
How did you start writing songs for other
people?
Well, the funny thing is that I started as
a writer. I started writing prose when I
was really young, then I started playing
guitar. In the beginning I was always trying to get cuts on other people's albums,
and that got me into writing for bands
in Canada. Eventually I got frustrated
by the process, and decided to put out
an independent record. From there I got
really hooked on the underground DJ
scene in L.A., and started working with
different types of producers. It was kind
of organic really. The Nicki Minaj single,
I wrote that for my own record, I decided
it wasn't right for me, so we decided to
shop it and she ended up hearing it. It's
great because it also gives me an outlet to
dabble in other styles that interest me.
You've said before that you felt like an
outsider when you were younger, and
that affected your art.
Well, I felt like an outsider from the start,
I knew very early on that I wasn't going
to fit in so I never tried to fit in. I grew
up in a very white suburb in Ontario, and
no one really looked or acted like me. I'm
really grateful that I never felt that I was
going to be like anyone else, which allowed
me to be very independent.
Do you still struggle with being different?
Luckily I live in Hollywood now, so I
actually feel like the normal one all the
time with everyone here in show business
and trying to stand out.
Do you have any advice for young women
coming into the music industry?
Well, girls can have a hard time because
they are the most desired creatures in the
world at the moment. And with the ability
to create and upload your own content
you can kind of be a little bit careless
about the quality of what you're doing
and the content of what you're doing. I
think it's dangerous because young women
can put themselves out there without
thinking about what they're putting out
there. I have been an advocate of content
verses trends in terms of being satisfied
with what you are doing and bringing
the right message across in what you are
doing rather than just getting fame for
fame's sake. (thedinah.com) •
28
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
Tegan and Sarah
Heartthrob
Warner Bros. Records
Queercutie pies Teganand Sara are
at it againwith their latest album
Heartthrob-aperfect namefor a record
from the duo, who are at the top of
almost every lezzie'sheartthrob list. But
this albumisn't about their ability to make
the ladiesswoon; rather, it chroniclesthe
pain,confusionand angerof rejection.
It also marks a sonic departurefrom their
previousalbums.In the past, T&S'ssound
was hauntinglyatmosphericfeaturing
heavysynth and duets so in tune and
intertwinedthat the parity gavethem a
surreal quality,keepingthe listenerat
arm's length.Not so with Heartthrob,
which eschews aloofnessand instead
draws the listener in-deep-to bare
witness to the visceralwreckageof a
brokenheart, in all its gory detail.
The incrediblyintimate"I Wasa Fool
For Love"is a gorgeous,languidlament
that minesthe painand confusionthat
comeswith a lovegonewrong to great
effect. "Now I'mAll MessedUp"laysbare
all the internalizeduncertainty,hurt and
demoralizingups and downs of losinglove.
Thereis an emotionallyhonest
vulnerabilityto Heartthrobthat transmits
a rawness of emotionthat most love
songsonly parody. But that's not to
say that this albumis hard on the ears:
quite the opposite, in fact. Despitethe
melancholysubject matter,the album
features plenty of the catchy beats,
irresistible harmoniesand dance
floor friendly hooksthat T&S are
known for.
Albumopener "Closer" is an up-tempo
auditory salve and it's super sexy to
boot. It's all about sex, but the kind
that goes beyondthe physical,that
simply uses the physicalto connect and
achievea greater emotionalcloseness-a
concept we lesbianscan certainly
identify with.
With their seventhalbum,Teganand
Sara seemto haveachievedthe near
impossible:makinginnovationlook and
soundeffortless, growing and evolving
their soundwhile still maintainingtheir
musicalidentity. Is it too early to declare
Heartthrobthe best albumof 2013?
Maybe.Maybenot. -Rachel Shatto
REVIEWS/
FlLM
Desperately Seeking Charlotte
How a lesbianfilmmaker unveiled one qf thegreat screenicons efour time. ev KARIN
ention the film Kommt
Mausi raus?! (Will Mausi
Come Out?!, 1995) to a
German lesbian and her
face will light up: Angelina
Maccarone's made-for-TV movie was not
only the first lesbian comedy made for a
mainstream German audience but also
an important coming-out film for many
young lesbians. With three other lesbianthemed films under her belt, including the
award-winning Unveiled (2005), the out,
Berlin-based writer-director won herself
an invitation to the prestigious Cannes
Film Festival with Charlotte Rampling:
The Look (2011), an intelligent, fascinating
documentary on the enigmatic British
film icon Charlotte Rampling (Swimming
Pool,Melancholia).
M
What prompted your collaboration with
Charlotte Rampling?
It was the production company that
brought us together. I, of course, was immediately drawn to the chance of making
a film with her. The much greater obstacle was certainly to convince Charlotte to
do the project. So when she allowed me
scH u PP
to visit her in Paris, I knew I had to come
up with something different from a conventionally narrated documentary.
she could watch herself more easily on
screen-something she never really liked
to do before.
It shows her talking with friends about
love, death, desire, taboo-and interweaves these conversations with scenes
from her movies. How did she respond
to the concept?
How would you explain Rampling'siconic
status with lesbians?
At first, she was sceptical. Would it be
interesting for people to listen to her for
90 minutes? I, of course, never doubted
that! In addition, she was initially hesitant to drag her friends into it, because,
I think, basically, she doesn't like being
thrust into the spotlight. But eventually,
she started to trust me and my ideas.
Were you concerned that she wouldn't
approve of the movie, given that in 2009
she tried to block the publication of Barbara Victor's biography of her?
Yes, I was nervous. When the film was
finished, I really wanted her to like it, not
just because without her approval the
film would never have come out, but also
since she had put so much effort, time
and trust in it. So I was deeply relieved
when she called and said that the film
even changed her view of herself, so that
I think she has a very intelligent sex
appeal. And there's something enigmatic
about her, some mystery. Also, she likes
suits and looks really good in male
attire. I can't speak for all the lesbians
in the world, but to me all that is very
attractive.
Your career started with Kommt Mausi
raus?! How did that film come about?
Mausi is the film I would have loved to
watch myself at that time, a comedy that
would make people laugh about themselves and the whole absurd concept of
coming out. I won a contest with the treatment, and a TV network agreed to produce
the film and let me co-direct as well.
Everything Will Be Fine, another lesbian
comedy, won the audience awards at
LGBT film festivals in Los Angeles, New
York and Toronto.
That was great! It was overwhelming to
have an audience who liked my film, even
though it was from Germany and they had
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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REVIEWS/
FlLM
to read subtitles. And on top of that, with
such a spoiled audience who has a wider
choice oflesbian films than we do.
You shot two more lesbian-themed films,
Unveiled and To Live. Were you ever worried you'd be pigeonholed?
I just go with the story I want to tell, and
Unveiled:sabout an Iranian lesbian who
is seeking political asylum in Germany
and has to take on the role of a man. The
potential financial backers said, "But
does she have to be a lesbian? Do we really need two minorities in one film?" But
it was exactly that multilayered aspect
that interested me.
So do we still need lesbian movies at all?
Lesbian movies, that's such a strange
genre [pauses J. What we need are films
with lesbian protagonists. But I don't like
a movie just because it has lesbian main
characters. It's the story that matters.
What are your reservations about the
genre term "lesbian movie"?
As long as lesbian films are categorized
as a specific genre, the following will happen: When you're out pitching a project
with a lesbian main character, it will
automatically be regarded as the main
topic and the production company will
say, "We've already done a lesbian movie!"
They won't give you much room for anything else to tell, and that's very limiting.
Do you feel it's more difficult to be a
female filmmaker.
I have to admit, it is more difficult to be
a female filmmaker and, on top of that,
a lesbian filmmaker. In the beginning, I
was in total denial about that, because
the doors opened so easily for me. But by
now, I have learned it's more difficult.
How so?
The decision makers are predominately
straight men, so it's easier for them to
relate to a guy's story with straight characters, and believe in its success. I'm lucky to
have found a niche for my work. However,
each time I finish a film, I feel very vulnerable because I don't have the assurance my
next project will get financed.
You like to collaborate with women, like
cinematographer Judith Kaufmann and
editor Bettina Bohler.
Bettina and Judith are both very important to me because of the quality they
bring to my work. We can trust each other
enough to accept criticism. They are the
first to read my scripts and they judge
them mercilessly. Which I appreciate
even though I might not like what they
have to say. [Laughs]
Have you ever thought about going international with a feature film?
Actually, I'm developing a script right
now that I hope to be able to shoot with
Charlotte Rampling.
If Hollywood called and money was no
object, what would you do?
Well, I wouldn't tell any other story, although it would be great to have ample
production conditions. Just give me $3
million, so that I can pay my cast and
crew appropriately! •
D~D
PIGKS»
BYRACHEL
SHATTO
THREE VEILS
Peccadillo Pictures
Thissentimentalstory from lesbian
director RollaSelbakfollowsthree
Arabwomen,one in an arranged
engagement,a second(Sheetal
Sheth)who is actingout and spiralingout of controland a third whose
shameover her lesbianismleads
her to bury her feelingsin religion.
Eachoverlappingvignetteoffers two
perspectives-firstfrom the outside,
then from their viewpoint-each
offers a deeperlookat their motivations. Whilethe endingmayleave
somedisappointedit's an interesting
film that breaksfrom the painfully
narrow representationArabwomen
typicallyreceivein films.Andany
chanceto watch Shethin actionis
alwayswelcome.
30
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
JACK&DIANE
Magnolia Home
Entertainment
Jackand Dianeis a strangelittle
film, part lovestory, part horror
movie-in which the intensityof
new lovegets a visceralandgory
interpretation.A chancemeeting
leadsDiane(JunoTemple)andJack
(RileyKeough)to an undeniable
connectionthat is immediateand
powerful.Thereis only one problem:
Dianemayor may not be a werewolf.
Whileunevenand morethan a little
confusing,the film boastsa variety
of compellingmomentsand a stellar
soundtrack. Despiteits flaws, this
film is well worth a look,particularly
with the dearthof lesbianhorror
films-althoughthis one is less Ginger
Snapsand moreBlackSwan.
2013
APACHES
Women Make Movies
LOST GIRL: SEASON TWO
Funimation
This lesbianinclusivedocumentary
followsthe all-womanfirefighter
crew Apache8. For30 yearsApache
8 hasfoughtwildfiresacrossthe
nation.Thecrew faced down gender
stereotypeswith unbelievable
hardwork and provedthemselves
alongsidetheir malecounterparts,
becomingsomeof the nation's
most elitefirefighters.Thedoc also
toucheson the personallivesof a
handfulof the crew highlighting
the
struggles,sacrificesandtragedies
they havefaced in order to provide
for their families.Oftenbittersweet
but alwaysinspiringApache8
beautifullyshowcasesthe strength,
resilienceandtoo often untapped
potentialof women.
With seasonthree of Lost Girlkicking
off this month,now is the perfecttime
to catch up.Thisurbanfantasyseries
follows Bo, a bisexualsuccubuswho
alongwith her humansidekickKenzi
runsa P.I.agency.Stuckbetweenthe
dark and lightfae world, Bo is also
caughtbetweentwo loveinterests:
Dyson,a shapeshiftingdetectiveand
Laurena sexy humandoctor (guess
who we're rootingfor). Seasontwo
of this sexy Syfy seriespicks up
followingBo'sbattlewith her mother
Aoife,which has left the Faeworld in
turmoiland it's up to Boto set things
straightwhiletrying to maintainher
freedom.Forfans of Buffyor the
RachelMorganbookseries,this is a
must-watch.
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
W//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
''
MYPUSSY
TAltS
ARtMAINlY
ABOUT
CATS
l'VtKNOWN.
''
1~1ot
On ff er l7ale
1
Gina
Gershon
shows
asofter
side
when
shegoes
insearch
ofherlostkitty.
L L
WW
s
BY KIM HOFFMAN
o I lost my cat;' writes
Gina Gershon in her
new book, In Search
of Cleo: How I Found
My Pussy and Lost My
Mind. The screen siren and lesbian icon
best known for her roles in Bound and
Showgirls knows firsthand about that
special bond women have with their
pets-so much so that when her cat Cleo
disappeared, she spent two and a half
months scouring L.A. on a quest to find
her feline friend.
"It was a very vulnerable time for me;'
Gershon recalls. Several people close to
her had died, including her Uncle Jack
and her dear friend, director Ted Demme.
"I had just broken up with my boyfriend
of eight years," she adds. It was the fragility following grief that led her into a
wacky but heart-drivenjourneywhere she
became acquainted with a spectrum of
characters: street people, prison inmates,
psychics and cult leaders, and yes, even
animal shelters.
Before he went missing on that fateful
day, Gershon and Cleo had been together
for three years. How the two met went a
little something like this: Girl lives in New
York; cat sits upon girl's windowsill night
after night, hoping to be welcomed into
her home. Girl gives in and falls madly in
love. At first, Gershon was sure this kitty
was a girl, hence the name Cleopatra. But
an enlightening trip to the vet proved
otherwise and, as Gershon records in her
book, Cleopatra became Master Cleohold.
Cleo for short. Three idyllic years went by
with the Master at her side.
On the day Cleo disappeared, Gershon's
eccentric assistant, whom she refers to
as Cassandra (some names have been
changed), was left in charge of household
duties while Gershon was away at the
Cannes Film Festival, but Cassandra lost
Cleo in her bundle of blankets when she
tried to take him to the dog groomer. Yes,
the dog groomer. Fuming, heartbroken
and confused, Gershon had little idea of
what lay ahead in her quest to find Cleo.
In Search of Cleo is not Gershon's first
foray into celebrating her love for her
cat. In 2007 she recorded an eponymous
album in honor of Cleo. Gershon, whose
singing voice is velvety and deep, with
that familiar rasp we've come to know
and love, most recently finished recording
the audio version of her book. "Thematically [the album and the book are] very
similar: what people go through in order
to find true love:'
With that level of devotion, it's no
surprise that when it came to bringing
her feline companion home, Gershon was
willing to explore any avenue-no matter
how strange. She roamed the streets of
West Hollywood with a tuna can and a
knife (L.A. at dawn can be quite dodgy).
She put up posters offering a handsome
reward, an ad in the newspaper, and
T-shirts were made begging the question:
"Got Cleo?"
Along the way she met soul-soothing
Arthur, a newspaper delivery man who
would call upon her anytime he saw a black
cat on his route. Even Ellen DeGeneres
had a hand in the search, accompanying
Gershon through the streets yodeling her
specific catcall, ''You are no good!" In fact,
it was DeGeneres who enlisted the help
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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31
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
GROWING
PAINS
Women discover and love who they are
BYRACHEL
PEPPER
of a psychic named Sonia who instructed
Gershon to pee in a jar and dribble it
behind her as she searched for Cleo. And
so she did. Armed with a vessel filled with
her own urine, Gershon was caught in
a woman's backyard in the wee (pardon
the pun) morning hours. Gershon writes,
"She paused for a minute, cocked her
head, and asked, 'Aren'tyou that lady from
Showgirls?'"
In Search of Cleo is a lighthearted read
that will take you through a labyrinth of
characters, animals, memories, dreams
and revelations. And it will likely give you
yet another reason to admire the talented
actor-turned-writer. Gershon is optimistic that her lezzie fans will embrace her
book. "Hopefully they will get into the
love story of the whole thing and not be
too disappointed that my pussy tales are
mainly about cats I'veknown:'With a story
as cleverly written and rife with hilarious
plot twists as this, she needn't worry.•
32
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2013
Hot&Heavy:
Fierce Fat Girls
on Life, Love &
Fashion, edited
by Virgie Tovar
(Seal Press)
Fatgirls continue
to come into their
own culturally,and
this book makesa contributionto that
trend. Theeditor,VirgieTovar,is a San
Franciscofat activist and sexologist
who's compileda book of essaysby
womenwho celebratethe experience
of beingfat. As Tovarstates in her
introduction,"Weare the cupcake
warriors, the sensualists,the plus-size
queens.Weare flag-bearersin a turgidly
anti-pleasuresociety."
Tovarhas gathereda wonderful
assortmentof writers for her anthology.
Theessaysare dividedintothree
categories,as you seeinthe title,though
somecommonthreadsemerge.Not
surprisingly,this includesthe realitythat
it'stoughto grow up fat, andhardto be
the subjectof ridiculefrom other children.
As Tovarherselfwrites, "Theageof five
provedto be the year of my inauguration
into a world where myfat wasn't hot
anymore.I lost my senseof self when
I was introducedto the evil,dark, and
horribleworld of primaryschool."
Sufferingsuchshamein childhoodis
a componentof manyof the stories,and
for somewriters it carriesover intotheir
adultyears.Butthis bookis no pity party,
becauseoneof the prevalentthemesis
learninghow to loveyourselfexactlyas
you are, no matterwhat your weight.
Anotheris seekingempowerment-through
activism,sexwork, intimaterelationships,
performanceart. Forsomewomen,this
empowermentoccursthroughfashion,
as EmmaCorbett-Ashbywrites when
discussingher loveof "fatshion":"Wedon't
needclothesthat don'tflt, aretoo tight, or
are not designedfor our bodies.... Great
outfits makeus feelgoodin our bodies,
which makesus carry ourselveswith
prideand pleasure."
Andnowhereis the themeof selflovebetterexploredthan in AlysiaAngel's
sublimeessay,"DearSweetBody."This
piecewill resonatenotjust with fat women,
but with anywomanwho haslearnedto
loveherselfdespitebeingat oddswith
somesocietal,family,or personalbeliefs.
Angelwrites: "DearSweetBody,Youare a
temple.Youare pillarsof past,wallsof art,
high-arching
doorwaysof history.Youare
a placeof worshipfor someanda place
to rest weary headsof others... Youare a
journey.Youare smoothbrow and heaving
heart... Youareyouthfulandoldandalways
free. Youbelongto no one... Sweetbody.
Youare a beauty."
The You Know
Who Girls:
Freshman Year,
Annameekee
Hesick (Bella
Books)
It's not easy to write
humorouslyabout
lesbianadolescence.
It's a gift and a talent, and Annameekee
Hesick, a Santa Cruzteacher and the
author of the YouKnow WhoGirls
series, has both. FreshmanYearis the
first entry in the series, focusing on
freshman Abbey Brooks and her circle
of friends. The "you know who girls" are
lesbian basketball players and Abbey
is warned about them before school
starts. She and her best friend Kate
makea pinky promise not to hangout
with such girls when they start high
school, lest their reputation as straight
girls should suffer. But since one of
them is secretly gay, and since they
both end up joining the basketballteam,
drama ensues.
This is a fun debut novel, best
enjoyedby adult lesbians nostalgic
for their highschool sports teams. As
a novel for teen readers, it's not as
successful. The book's main character,
at 14, is entering ninth grade when
the book begins.Yet, she's almost
immediatelyswept up into a relationship
with a sexuallyexperiencedlesbian
senior, age 17.ThoughHesicktries hard
to capture the confusion and euphoria
of first love, somethingabout the story
just doesn't ring true. But kudos to
Hesickfor bringinga new voice to teen
lit, and to lovableAbbey for surviving
her freshman year. And happilyfor all,
sophomoreyear for the "you know who
girls" will be here soon.
••
SHION]
rfn the Flesh
Style mavens Stella & Lucy remind
us why in fashion, sometimes less
is so much more.
PHOTOS BY ALEX STYLES
Hi Curvettes,
We're backl You can imagine the delight when
we were assigned a fashion spread in the Sex
issue. We hear the word "sex" and barn, we
stand to attention.
We have been riddled with flu, so no whips and
chains, unfortunately-just boxes of tissues and
medicine. Good thing we weren't modeling, eh?
Hello, career killer. Runny noses don't say sex,
that's not the sort of juices you want to see flowing. Ahem. That was a real cough.
Our own questions of what's sexy have been up
for discussion this last month, with our wedding
plans underway. Yes, that's right ladies, your
very own Stella and Lucy are getting married,
so plans a-plenty. We need your help. Not too
sure what's most shocking at the moment-the
fact that we are two women who never believed
they would get the chance to be married or that
we are sitting here flicking through wedding
mags that only represent straight-laced couples
and castles. If we wanted to see a castle we'd
visit Buckingham Palacel This may be harder
than we thought.
So ladies, you're in for a fashion treat this month.
Brace yourselves: there was paint involved, and
24 hours later we're still scrubbing it off Not the
sort of paint you can lick off, damn it.
This month we've taken a literal stance on sexy,
leaving the clothes at the door, creating style
through body identity. This is your first layer of
fashion before the garments. Hair is fashion, skin
is fashion, tan is fashion, tattooing is fashion, nail
polish is fashion and makeup is fashion. We've
gone back to basics, with the idea of you as a
real representation of beauty.
Guess what? We're growing wings-no, we're
not angels, far from it-but we are flying over
to see you in January. Hello Americal So how
you fixed? Anyone have room for a couple of
strays-oops gays?
BELLEWEARS
LINGERIEBY
ANN SUMMERS
Until next time,
~~
'-~~
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
33
LE/FASHION
This nionth we've taken a literal
stance on sexy, leaving the
clothes at the doo,; creating
style through body identity.
THIS IS YOUR FIRSTLAYEROF
FASHION BEFORETHE GARMENTS.
NATASHA
AND BETH
34
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
KELLYWEARS
CORSETAND HAT BY
STELLANLUCYCOUK
AND KNICKERSBY
ANN SUMMERS
~
1(/)
X
UJ
...J
<{
NATASHAWEARS
A LEATHERJACKET
BY NEW LOOK AND
LINGERIEBY ANN
SUMMERS
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
35
LE/FASHION
He'vegone
back to basics~
with the idea qf
YOU AS A REAL
REPRESENTATION
OF BEAUTY.
36
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JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
l
j
LE/FASHION
[FASHION]
Rebecca's Secret
A lesbian designer branches out into feel-good lingerie.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
I PHOTOS BY ANNE NECZYPOR
Rebecca Szymczak knows a thing or two about
fashion As a former designer for DKNY and
Nike, and the current creative director/vice
president of design at Playboy Licensing, Inc.,
the Manhattan-based Renaissance woman (she
holds a BA in design with a minor in psychology
and is stunning enough to act as a model
for her own innovative outfits) happily defies
the stereotype of lesbians as anti-fashion.
Szymczak has now launched her own label,
BEX nyc, which produces luxurious lingerie to
make women feel sexy and comfortable. These
quality garments will appeal to your inner vixen,
and, as lovely as they are, it's likely that under
the admiring gaze of your lady lover, you won't
be in them for long.
Born in the heartland of Pennsylvania and
educated in the liberal cities of Amsterdam and
Toronto, Szymczak, 30, has been out to family
and friends since the age of 18,and out professionally ever since graduation. She has a fresh,
liberated approach to fashion and oversees the
design and aesthetic of Playboy's, somewhat
controversial, global product. As a lesbian,
she has no hesitation about representing the
brand. "Since the 1950s, when the company was
founded, Hugh Hefner has always advocated
for women's rights and civil rights. We also have
many strong female executives, and our goal
from a product standpoint is to design and
distribute product that makes women feel good
about themselves when they wear it."
It seems perfectly natural, then, that Szymczak
would feel comfortable designing lingerie that
actually empowers women, rather than making
38
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
them feel inadequate. "I truly believe underwear
is the foundation of your outfit and will set the
tone for your day. You can always wear sexy
underwear that makes you feel beautiful."
Inspired since childhood by Madonna, who she
admires as a sexually empowered businesswoman, brand and fashion icon, Szymczak aims
to impart a little of the entertainer's confidence
through her own label.
"BEX nyc pushes the limits of the average
woman, making her feel daring, confident and
feminine all at once."
But don't think this is strictly for femmes. The
label combines the details of men's underwear
with feminine and sexy silhouettes, and the
clever packaging is designed to delight the
purchaser as much as the wearer. Lesbians who
are either boxer- or thong-reliant would do well
to reevaluate the power of the unseen.
"If you thoughtlessly throw on your worn-out,
cotton, back-of-the-underwear-drawer briefs,
you're inevitably going to feel less beautiful and
less sexual than if you choose underwear that
flatters your shape and makes you feel hot,"
says Szymczak. "Whether it's a great-fitting pair
of boy briefs or a French lace thong, if you feel
attractive in it you will exude that confidence
all day."
Her insider intimates tip? Clean out your undies
drawer once a season and throw away anything
you feel less than fabulous in. You might even
find some worthy replacements in these pages.
(bexnyc.com)
SPEAKEASY
BRALETTE,
MERLOT;SATIN
SPEAKEASYTAP
PANT,MERLOT
THE MISTERBRA;
THE N0.2 SKIRT;
LEATHEROPERA
GLOVESAND
COLLAR
THE GANGSTER
TAP PANT
These quality
garments will
appeal to your
•
•
inner vixen,
an~ as lovely as
they are, it's
likely that under
THE ADMIRING
GAZE OF YOUR
LADY LOVER
YOU WON'T BE
IN THEM FOR LONG.
STOCKSAND
BONDAGEBRA;
STOCKSAND
BONDAGETAP
PANT
ANGRY OSTRICH
JACKET,BLACK;
THE ALTERBRA;
LE FUMEUR
PANTY
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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-
--
- --
VI,
II
"We've ripped the Band-Aid of West
Hollywood off and we have moved into
the domesticity of Highland Park;' says
the dreadlocked Mixter of her new digs
far away from the flashing lights and
throbbing bass line of L.A:s hot queer
hub. ''As we pulled up I had a moment of
panic. I turned to Sara and said, 'I feel like
we're in the middle of nowhere' and she
said, 'No we're not; and literally as I said
that, a rooster started crowing outside our
window:'
To recap, the pair married on June 17,
2012 at Limoneira Ranch in Santa Paula,
Calif. Looking back on their big day, they
recount the most dazzling details.
"The moment that was the most
memorable for me was definitely when
I was about to walk down the aisle with
my mother and it was the first time that I
was able to take a deep breath and relax in
months;' says Mixter. "Looking out, once I
got up to the altar, and to see all the people
I love most in my life from the East Coast
and West Coast, and all of my and Sara's
family in one setting-it was overwhelming
to see Sara walk down the aisle looking so
beautiful, it was so picturesque and so, so
beautiful. It was perfect:'
"I pulled up in a trolley with my family
and friends and Whitney had already
walked down the aisle with her mom;'
recalls Bettencourt. "I was overwhelmed
42
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2013
In June of 2012, lesbian
heartthrob Whitney Mixter and
her girlfriend, makeup artist
Sara Bettencourt, tied the knot
in front of millions of wellwishers on the season finale of
Showtime's The Real L Word.
Over six months have passed
since the made-for-TV nuptials,
so what has happened since
the cameras stopped rolling?
Now, the newlyweds talk
about married life, love and
leaving West Hollywood in the
rearview mirror.
BY JANELLE SORENSON
AND MELANY JOY BECK
PHOTOS BY LARA HOTZ
with emotion and I wanted to cry. I wanted
to laugh. I wanted to die. I was literally like,
I'm going die. My knees were weak. The
entire walk down to her and reading our
vows to each other-it was so surreal and
amazing. Really one of the most beautiful
moments of my life:'
Since their wedding and subsequent
move, Mixter and Bettencourt have shifted
their focus from building a relationship
together to building a business: a clothing
line that combines their mutual passions
for fashion and humanitarian work.
"It's going to be coming out in the next
month or so;' says Mixter. "It's called Cloth
and Justice. We combined both of our
creative efforts and passion for helping out
those less fortunate:'
"We are such a team;' adds Bettencourt.
"We both love fashion. She was working
on her own thing and I was working on my
own thing and we kept trying to combine
it. Whitney's a little hard-headed. She said,
'I don't know if it's a good idea that we
work together: We spend every moment
together. It came down to me convincing
her and once I got past that part, it just
made so much sense:'
They have been working hard in
other areas as well. "You mean we're
not just full-time dramatic lesbians?"
jokes Mixter. "In truth, we actually work
a lot. Sara is still a freelance hair and
-
-
with Lauren and Amanda, Kiyomi, and we talk to Tracy and Nikki
and Jill. In terms of Romi, we reached a point in our relationship
makeup artist and I still do event promotions. I'm resuming my that we went different ways. I will say for the record that neither
Sara nor I judged Romi on her sexual preference. That would be
passion for art and still doing some special effects:'
Between the wedding, celebrity appearances and starting a incredibly one-sided to do that. I don't want to be judged on that
nor would I judge anyone else. So friendship-wise it had nothing
business, they haven't had time for a honeymoon, a fact Mixter
to do with that. We've moved on, we don't really talk:'
does not take lightly.
While they may have put the drama behind them, there are
"I can't believe we haven't taken our honeymoon yet. It's like,
every time someone asks me [about the honeymoon] and Sara's some exciting changes coming their way. When it comes to adding
around, I feel like I need to duck. We've been super busy since to their family, Mixter says, "Sara and I feel incredibly passionate about children and family in general. That will absolutely be
the show wrapped and honestly have been doing so much travcoming in the near future:'
eling for events and working, we just now
Bettencourt agrees. "We've always
promised ourselves that this spring we will
wanted kids. Whitney wants to have two, I
be heading to the Azore Islands in Portugal
want to have two, but I want to adopt one
to finally relax."
as well:'
A little rest and relaxation may be exactly
(L
As for a timeline for creating mini
what Mixter and Bettencourt need after their
Whitneys and Saras, they're thinking behigh-stress season of dyke drama.
tween two and three years-just enough
"Emotions are a little less high strung
time to enjoy life as a couple.
when it's just us;' Mixter says. "Having a
"I love everything about it;' says Betwhole crew follow you around night and day
tencourt of married life. "I'm happier than
can definitely add to the way that you process
I
I've ever been. I love how far I've come
things, making your emotional state a little
with Whitney. I've always been such a free
elevated, you could say."
spirit, fun, outgoing. Not that I'm not that
So what do the two sexy stars do when
anymore, but it feels so good. I'm in a place
they're alone together? "We're on the road so
much that our date nights usually include exploring a new city right now where I know where my life is going to end up and what
it's going to look like. Everything I see in my future is so fulfilling.
together;' says Mixter. "When we're home, it's time much cherThere's nothing that can replace that:'
ished so we usually spend it going for a hike or cooking together
And considering the fairytale wedding, the Showtime success,
at the house with some good wine:'
As for whether or not they stay in touch with the cast of The and new business ventures on the horizon, the future is looking
bright for reality TV's hottest pair. (clothandjustice.com) •
Real L Word, Mixter reveals "We have a really close relationship
£mot:i.olt6
au, lit:tlL
/.E,,66
hi:gl,,
6~w/un,
iL 6iu6tu6.
44
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2013
"I ts'
HOT!"
- Birds on the Blog. com
"Conn's film upends traditional prejudices regarding a woman's age,
beauty and sexuality through depicting tender and joyous lovemaking
scenes that will turn any theater screening this film into an instant sauna."
- BeyondChron.com
I
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CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
AS TOLD TO MERRYN JOHNS
PHOTOGRAPHY BY KWESI ABBENSETTS
Janiaican
EDDING
A LESBIANCOUPLETAKETHEIRVOWSAND MAKENEWS
When Nicole Y.Dennis, 30, and Dr. Emma K T.Benn, 29, decided to hold their
wedding ceremony in Dennis' home country, Jamaica, their intention was to re-enact their
legal union cf Brooklyn, NY,for family on the Caribbean island. But their private expression
cf love on Memorial Day Weekend 2012 soon turned into a political incident that received
media attention around the world. Here, they share their story.
Nicole: I had just started my job as a
project manager for a research study at
Columbia University and had decided to
attend a talk on health disparities. Halfway through the talk, a beautiful woman
raised her hand. There she was, standing confidently, all eyes on her, as she
challenged the speaker. After the talk, I
wanted to approach her to tell her that
I loved her question and admired her
courage. I wanted to know who she was.
A student? A faculty member? American or from the Caribbean? With her
beautiful bronze complexion and dreadlocks, I thought for a second that she was
Jamaican, the daughter of a Rastafarian
who lived close to the ocean, with hair
bleached by the sun. I lost courage and
walked away, but I never stopped thinking about her. Two weeks later, I saw
her at work. The colleague I was going
to lunch with turned out to be a mutual
colleague and casually greeted her. I was
not prepared for this encounter-one I
had fantasized about since the first day
I saw her. Emma appeared excited to
meet me. Her handshake was firm. Her
eyes were on me while I struggled to find
my tongue. She gave me her business
card and told me to e-mail her, which
I did. I suggested we do lunch but she
suggested we do dinner instead. It was
history after that.
Emma: I thought I had kept my cool so
well that it would be impossible for her
to see how taken I was by her beauty.
When we had our first date, I knew
from that moment on, she was the one.
Up until that point, I had not come out
of the closet, but I had to be real with
myself. I didn't believe that I could truly
love Nicole with all my heart, soul, and
mind unless I was honest with the world
about my love for her.
Nicole: I knew that she was the one I
wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
I began my search for rings in the fall of
2009. She doesn't believe in diamonds,
so I wanted to have her ring custom
made. I came across a ring designer
in Canada, Touch Wood Rings. It was
through their site that I found the perfect
ring for Emma-made of juniper hardwood with golden koa inlay. I hid the
ring for a month in my drawer, tucked
neatly between folds of underwear, taking it out each day to stare at it before
putting it back. I didn't know how much
longer I could keep such a wonderful
secret from my partner. On the day of
the proposal, we had made plans to go
out to dinner at Sushi Samba, where
we'd had our first date. I wanted to propose
to her there, getting down on one knee,
but that didn't match my style. So on the
morning of our anniversary, VHI Soul
was playing one of our favorite songs,
John Legend's "Ordinary People:' Emma
asked me to dance. I took her hand and
we danced. There was no way I could
keep my secret from her any longer. After
the song ended, I went and got the ring.
I proposed to her right there in our living
room. And a resounding yes followed.
Emma: We began planning the wedding
a year after our engagement. I was finishing my doctoral program in biostatistics
at Columbia University and Nicole was
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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47
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
finishing her MFA in fiction at Sarah
Lawrence College. We wanted to get
married when we were both free of these
academic endeavors. When same-sex
marriage was legalized in New York, we
were so excited. We decided to take care
of the legal stuff at our local municipal
building in Brooklyn, which we did on
April 6, 2012. But then we started thinking
that it might not be easy for Nicole'sfriends
and family in Jamaica to get visas to come
to our wedding. So why not do a destination wedding celebration in Jamaica?
Nicole: Although I was really excited
about having our wedding celebration
in my homeland, I was worried about
whether its oppressive homophobia would
prevent us from making our dream come
true. Our wedding planner convinced me
that a private ceremony could be held in
a villa in front of friends and family,
where no one would see or hear about
it. We had often traveled to Jamaica as a
couple, and Emma had fallen completely
in love with my island. Once Jamaica
became our definite location, Emma and
I took turns calling resorts in Kingston,
the South Coast, and the North Coast.
We were prepared to come out as lesbians
over and over again. We wanted to be as
clear as possible. One prominent Kingston
hotel told us they could host our wedding
under one condition: that we not use
their outdoor premises. But an indoor
wedding would defeat the purpose of
getting married in Jamaica, with all its
natural beauty, so we thanked her and
moved on. Another hotel advised us
to try Hedonism, a notoriously adult-
48
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
oriented resort. We're not heathenswe're two women in love. A Jamaican
heterosexual acquaintance of mine had
gotten married at Silver Sands Villas
in Trelawny, and had nothing but good
things to say about it. With its quaint
villas and beautiful gazebo overlooking
the Caribbean Sea, it provided the privacy
we needed. Silver Sands representatives
welcomed the idea of us having a samesex wedding celebration there. Not only
did they hang and steam our wedding
attire on the day, they also sprinkled rose
petals on our white sheets.
Emma: Thirty-seven family members
and friends-from
Pennsylvania, New
York, Massachusetts, Arizona and Jamaica
came to celebrate with us. We really felt
that everyone who was supposed to be
at our celebration was there. Despite
the fact that our mothers declined our
invitation, all our guests surrounded us
with so much love
that we never had
to think about them
not being there. Nicole's father and my
aunt, in place of my
father, who could
not be there because
of health problems,
walked us down the
aisle to the song
"African Queen:' My
aunt and I were crying tears of joy all
the way down the
aisle, while Nicole
and her father play-
fully focused on their synchronized twostep. We had a signature drink called "The
A Train;' a rum punch named after the
New York City express train that connected
us during the early days of our dating.
Nicole: We assumed that our wedding
was a private ceremony-under a gazebo
by the ocean, in a gated resort, with only
friends and family. However, when we
got back to the U.S., we found out that
our wedding had been leaked to Jamaica's
national newspaper, The Gleaner. On
June 1, 2012, they published a story
about our wedding with an extremely
negative spin. Emma and I were angry
and felt violated. However, I decided
that I would write the true account of
our beautiful story on my blog. Word
of my blog spread and the next thing I
knew, The Gleaner called to apologize
about their article and explained that
they would write a new article that
would share the beauty of our union.
They published it on the front page on
June 4, 2012, and a supportive editorial on June 5. Our wedding celebration
was bigger than the two of us. Ebony.
com was reaching out, then NPR, then
TVJ [one of Jamaica's main television
channels]. Everyone wanted to hear our
story. Lesbian and gay Jamaicans started
e-mailing me through my blog, thanking
me for my courage. It meant so much to
me, because I grew up feeling invisible in
my country, because of its homophobia.
Yet our wedding gave so many people
a voice and revived hope for the LGBT
community in Jamaica and the African
diaspora.•
'l HE Al{'C OF
7
r. Glenda Corwin wants
you to start having sex on
purpose. In 1983, lesbian public enemy
No. 1 Pepper Schwartz coined the term
"lesbian bed death" in her book American Couples, and we've been hopelessly
fighting against or passively caving in
to our sexless fate ever since-in fact,
according to surveys by both Schwartz
and Corwin, only 20 percent of lesbian
couples living together for 10 years or
more are officially "sexually active:'
"The term lesbian bed death;' explains
Dr. Corwin, "was used to describe research
findings that lesbian couples are less
sexually active than their gay male or
heterosexual counterparts, and suggested
that we are inevitably doomed to give
up on sexual intimacy!' Nearly 30 years
after American Couples was published,
Dr. Corwin tells us that it's time to start
rethinking the whole subject of what
we do together in bed. In her new book,
Sexual Intimacy for Women: A Guidefor
Same-Sex Couples, Dr. Corwin, a sexual
SEXUAL
INTIMA(JY
D,•.Glendo C01•1rintlwns "lesbion bed deot'1"
into lorin' lesbim1 se.,·.
BY YANA TALLON-HICKS
intimacy psychologist, busts common
myths associated with lesbian sex life
(no, lesbian sex isn't all floral metaphors
and mutual masturbation!) and describes
ways to overcome the common hurdles
to lasting lesbian loving (hello: body
image issues, age, stress!). Dr. Corwin
shows us not only how to resuscitate our
dying lesbian bed, but also how we can
keep it alive and well for years to come.
First, it's time to get real about what
our sex lives are and are not. Dr. Corwin
tells us that the first step is to let go of
some unrealistic expectations. The belief
that our initial sexual passion can last us
through an entire decades-long relationship is a damaging one, says Dr. Corwin,
but the biggest hurdle to a long-term
sexual relationship is the notion that
sex can and should always be spontaneous. "The Myth of Spontaneity is the
biggest stumbling block," she explains.
"We cling to this notion that sex should
happen spontaneously, without having
to really pay attention and make some
effort. What else do we approach that
way? Hardly anything. If you want to
be physically fit, you go exercise. If you
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
49
want a close family life, you spend time
with your family. If you want a sexually
intimate relationship, you need to be intentional about it, and stop relying on a
nonexistent impulse to drive this."
Too often, Dr. Corwin says, we
women complacently sit around waiting
for spontaneous desire to strike, when,
as women in a same-sex relationship,
sexual spontaneity is simply against our
nature. In Sexual Intimacy for Women,
Dr. Corwin discusses the difference between the "spontaneous desire" model-a
male-centric pattern of arousal that puts
a certain body part first and the brain
second-and the female-centric "responsive desire" model. "We may joke about
which part of the body is leading the
charge, but in reality, for us, it's usually
the brain;' she writes. "The physiological
responses of arousal, such as lubrication
and clitoral engorgement, often happen
after sexual contact begins." We've been
conditioned to believe that all our sex
lives should follow the male-centric pattern of sexual spontaneity to such a
point that when sex doesn't happen this
way, many of us passively accept it as the
inevitable lesbian bed death. Turns out,
Pepper Schwartz had it all wrong-our
sex lives are not paltrier than those of
gay men or heterosexual couples, they
simply look different.
So, what does this mean for our sex
lives? It means that, unlike gay male and
heterosexual couples, we lesbians need
to get busy planning how we're going
to get busy. ''A majority of sexually satisfied women say they don't feel much
spontaneous desire ...the response in
'responsive desire' is first felt by you, and
later by your partner. Instead of waiting
around passively for spontaneous desire
to strike, it's entirely possible to actively
set the stage in which sexual desire and
arousal can flourish:'
In order to do this, Dr. Corwin says,
it's essential that we get intentional about
our sex lives. "When you intentionally stir
up sexual feelings in yourself, by choosing
to focus on things that turn you on, you're
creating responsive desire;' she says. "In
other words, your sexual arousal is in
response to your own thoughts and
behaviors, the things you do to get yourself
in a sexual mood:' Though the effortless,
50
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
spontaneous sexual desire you felt when
you first met your sweetie isn't going to
magically reappear, we can re-create it if
we choose to get intentional. "Just think
about how you acted when you first
started seeing your partner," Dr. Corwin
suggests. "You probably spent a lot of
time planning and preparing-where to
go, what to do, what to wear, how to woo
her-and you probably also had a lot of
erotic fantasies about her, wondering
how it would feel to kiss her, hold her, and
more. All these thoughts and behaviors
stir up a lot of sexual feelings, and then
it feels spontaneous. That's what you can
do now, intentionally, to put energy back
into your sex life."
Of course, no one said getting intentional about your sex life would be easy.
"It's easy for two women to slide into old
roles where both learned to react, not
to initiate, so now no one wants to go
first," she says. This, combined with the
increased risks of rejection and shame,
can make the idea of initiating purposeful sex awfully scary. "It feels terrible to
reach out and get turned down," Dr.
Corwin admits. "Being blatant about
wanting sex can also bring feelings of
shame, like, you're not supposed to think
about it-it should just happen." However, Dr. Corwin tells us to push through
our fears and actively disrupt the routine
ease of sexless complacency. As lesbians
in long-term relationships, she warns,
we'll need to choose between intentional
sex or no sex-which seems like no
choice at all, since the potential damages
from the no-sex option include "shutting
down emotionally, looking around for
someone else to get sexual with, settling
into low-grade dissatisfaction with each
other, or blowing up the relationship:'
Next to The Myth of Spontaneity,
another major misconception about the
sex life of lesbians is the idea that we
need to be pawing at each other's clothes
every day in order to be deemed sexually
active. It's a validating relief to hear the
lesbian sexual intimacy doctor herself
say, "The romantic and sexual intensity
of a new relationship can't go on forever.
That's inevitable and probably fortunate ...we can't spend all that time being
charming and attentive when we have to
run our jobs and households and the rest
of life:' When asked what Curve readers
would be most relieved to learn from her
book, Dr. Corwin says, "Most women are
surprised to learn that if you're having
sex as little as twice a month you're still
considered sexually active by sex therapists and researchers. Lesbians assume
that 'normal' couples have sex much
more often than that. This is usually a
big relief, because twice a month is not
such a daunting goal!"•
DRCORWIN'SSECRETSTO
LONGLASTINGINTIMACY
Communication
•
Talkoften and freely about your sexual
feelingsand listen nonjudgmentallywhile she
talks about hers. Just talkingabout sex can
deepentrust intimacyand love.
~ 24-Hour
Foreplay
~Recreate
the conditionsof limerence
(the feelingof beingin love)that you had at
the beginningof your relationship.Set
asidetime to be together,take care of your
appearance,create a sensualatmosphere.
It's not planningsex, it's planningforeplay.
S
Ignite Your Erotic Imagination
Researchshows that 85 percentof
womenfantasizesomeof the time duringsex
with a partner, and those who fantasizemore
enjoy sex more. Bringyour fantasy life into
the bedroom.Yourprivate erotic thoughtswill
makeyou feel more sexualand helpcreate a
connectionwith your partner.
AllOrgasm: Take Your Time
~Don't
worry that you'retakingtoo long.
Fakingorgasmcan widen the gulf between
you and your partner. Regularmasturbation
is orgasmpractice and a time when you can
discoverwhat feels best to you, then share
these discoverieswith your partner.
Sexual
Intimacy:
A Guide for
Same-Sex
Couples
(Seal Press)
is out now.
LOL
n l1y sc.nmlJluidity
is no louglting mottcr.
BY JILL GOLDSTEIN
L1-~lE-ONSE'r LESBIA~TJSlVI
7
0
ne of the most commonly
asked questions in the
gay community is "When
did you come out?" The
answer, after all, provides
insight into how long a woman has been
sleeping with other women and at what
age she first braved the world with her
sexuality. It also inadvertently stamps
the respondent with a sexual label, positing that if she can cite when she came
out she is definitively a lesbian.
For making such assumptions, I find
the question flawed.
I am very happily married to the
woman of my dreams. We've been together for four and a half years and are
the proud parents of a beautiful baby
boy. I am firmly rooted in a commitment
to this relationship- I love her deeply
and we share a very passionate intimacy.
So by all social standards I am gay, even
though I never actually "came out:' In
fact, I never actually felt "kept in" either.
The quintessential closet was simply not
a part of my adult bedroom (a fact I came
to understand after being exposed to the
concept of sexual fluidity). Instead, the
bedroom remained a flexible space, open
to the intimate connections I drew from
both men and women, on many levels. I
was neither promiscuous nor bisexual;
instead, I was a woman whose needs were
ever changing as I matured-a woman
whose needs were met by different individuals at different points in time.
My first same-sex relationship began
when I was in my mid-20s, after a serious, long-term relationship with a man
had ended. At the time it was drawing
to a close, I met a woman with whom
I connected instantly. A close friendship sprouted immediately but, to my
surprise, so did some more intense feelings. We connected emotionally in ways
that I hadn't with my ex-boyfriend, in
ways that provided me with more emotional fulfillment than I had been used
to. Soon we allowed ourselves to explore
the physical feelings that grew to accompany the relationship. It was exciting, and
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
51
most definitely different and scarysomething my drunken college experimentations couldn't have prepared me
for. But it felt surprisingly right, and
soon I was deeply involved. We were
together for over two years. But as happy
as I was with her at the time, I struggled
internally with me. I couldn't quite get
a handle on what I was doing, or who I
was becoming. Before this, I had never
even thought there was the possibility
of my being gay. Was I to assume that
because I was with her, I was experiencing a kind oflate-onset lesbianism? Was
this the time when I was supposed to
come out? But why then was I still open
and attracted to the idea of being with
the right man, if he and I connected in
meaningful ways?
In the years that followed, I dated
another woman and an equally special
man, both of whom fulfilled me for different reasons. As right as each relationship
felt at the time, I kept waiting for my
"aha" moment, for the disappearance of
my attraction to people of both genders
(expectedly, men)-for my big sexual
realization, which would provide me
with the certainty to assume a fixed orientation. After all, wasn't it expected that
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a person should be interested in one and
only one gender? At the time, I thought
that if I could come out, I could own a
label and join a community. I could
identify as a late-onset lesbian (although
the LOL acronym would have to change
or no one would take me seriously!). But
my later-in-life journey didn't follow
such a clear cut path. And it seems I'm
not alone.
More and more, women are coming
forward to embrace a newly found attraction to other women, after they've only (or
mostly) been with men. They're uncovering new needs and interests at a stage
much later in their life than when they
initially discovered their sexual identityand they're growing more flexible and
open-minded about how their needs and
interests are met. As such, the gender of
the individual is becoming less relevant,
while the person behind it all becomes
paramount.
Examples are plentiful. A woman's
20-year marriage ending in the comforting arms of a supportive female friend
turned lover. Co-workers finding a fulfillment in each other that the men in
their dating pool weren't providing.
Single moms experiencing a deep-seated
connection from the common bonds
they share as parents. Whatever draws
women together is very personalwhether the appeal is spiritual, physical
or intellectual. But what remains a constant is the experience of having strong
feelings for other women, feelings that
run counter to the sexual orientation
they've identified with throughout their
entire lives. And yet, only a handful of the
women who experience late-onset samesex attraction are coming out as lesbians.
According to Dr. Lisa Diamond, a
professor of developmental psychology
and the renowned author of the book
DR DIAMOND'STIPSFORSEXUALFLUIDITY
Howdo you distinguish"sexual
fluidity"from bisexualityor
comingout late?
Therearen'tnecessarily
hard-and-fastdistinctions
betweenthesecategories.To
somedegree,sexualfluidity
is what makesall of these
phenomenapossible,since
it describesthe capacityfor
womento experiencedesires
and attractionsthat run counter
to their generalpatternof
attraction.I havefound in my own
researchthat womeninterpret
their own capacityfor flexibility
and changevery differently.One
womanmightsay,"I became
attractedto the person,and
not the gender,andthat's why
I identifyas bisexual,"whereas
52
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
anotherwomanmightsay,
"Bisexualityis a strongattraction
to bothgenders,ratherthan a
gender-freeform of attraction.
Decisionsabout identification
are highlypersonal,and so there
are no universal,agreed-upon
definitionsfor identitiessuch
as queeror bisexual.As for
late-bloominglesbians,we know
so little,scientifically,about
the normativedevelopmentof
sexualityand sexualorientation
overthe life coursethat there's
reallyno sure-fireway to
distinguishbetweena woman
whose same-sexattractions
happenedto developandemerge
relativelyslowly overthe course
of her lifetime,reachingfull
expressiononly late in life,versus
2013
a womanwhose attractions
actuallyunderwentsomechange
andflexibilityovertime. Oneof
the advantagesof talkingaboutand callingattentionto-sexual
fluidity is that it allowsus to see
all of thesecomplexphenomena
as a part of the normative
experienceof femalesexuality.
Are straightwomenwho become
same-sexattractedresponding
to hormonalchanges?
There'sreallyno evidencefor
any linkagesbetweenpatterns
of same-sexand other-sex
sexualattractionand patterns
of hormonalrelease.I think it is
muchmoreplausiblethat women
who beginto experienceand act
on same-sexattractionslater in
life experiencea muchgreater
senseof sexualfreedomand
autonomythanthey did when
they were younger,and might
havemuchmoreconfidencein
expressingthemselvessexually.
Wherecan womenexperiencing
a suddenshift in attractiongo for
goodadvice?
Anycounselorwho is well-versed
in issuesof femalesexual
identityand orientationshould
be capableof helpingwomen
to talk andthinkthroughthe
rangeof complicatedissuesthat
sexualfluidityoften presents.
Thereare still sometherapists
out there who mighthave
relativelyoutdated,rigid models
of sexualorientation,and so I
Sexual Fluidity, for many women love
and desire are not rigidly heterosexual or
homosexual but fluid, changing as they
move through the many phases of their
life. She goes on to explain that women
are (or become) able to fall in love with a
person, regardless of their gender, when
a deep-rooted emotional connectedness
and fulfillment is present. As a result of
these emotional bonds, they tend to
develop a physical attraction (typically
reserved for heterosexual couples) as
well, and thus blur the lines of their
sexual orientation as they engage in
same-sex relationships.
So why are these fluid experiences
so quickly considered as incidences of
coming out, or labeled as late-onset
lesbianism?
Diamond says, "I think that one of
the reasons that there has historically
been such dismissal of fluidity is that
the queer community has generally
placed so much emphasis on the truth
and authenticity of individuals' personal
experiences, so much so that they tend
to be awfully rejecting and suspicious
of experiences that don't match their
own. I can't tell you how many times I've
heard lesbians say, in response to stories
would encouragewomenseeking
counselingto asktheir counselor
directlyif he or she is familiarwith
the notionof sexualfluidity,and
whetherthey are competentto
work with clientsaddressing
those issues.
Whatkeyadvicewouldyou give
a previouslyheterosexualwoman
now experiencingher first samesex attraction?
Knowthat your experienceis
muchmorecommonthan you
probablythink! In the research
that I haveconducted,I have
found that a heterosexual
womanhavinga new same-sex
relationshipoften thinks to
herself,"I must be crazy. How
can I suddenlybe havingthese
about sexual fluidity, 'Well, I've just never
experienced anything like that ...' "
But more than being unable, as individuals, to identify with sexual flexibility,
I also believe that, as a society, our need
to label and define sexual orientation
is so strong that any deviation is readily
dismissed. We tend to thrive on heuristics, which help us make quick sense of
what's around us because they serve as
helpful and efficient mental shortcuts.
But they can also lead to bias and judgment. So with fluidity being neither
black nor white-gay nor straight-more
open-mindedness will be necessary before it is accepted as a legitimate sexual
experience.
When I was first introduced to Dr.
Diamond, years ago, she shared an analogy about sexual fluidity that proved to
be very perceptive. It changed my entire
outlook, and I was able to move from
confusion over my own sexual experiences
to a place of complete understanding.
Making a correlation between sexuality
and career paths, she explained how and
why sexual flexibility should be legitimized. She pointed out that when we are
mature enough to enter the workforce,
our interests lead us to take a certain
job, at which we can be very happy and
fulfilled for months or years. Then somewhere along the line something changeswe meet someone who exposes us to a
new line of work, our interests evolve, a
job opportunity opens up, and we find
that our developed strengths are leading
us toward new positions, even new industries. There should be no expectation that
what we sign up to do in our early 20s
will be what we end up doing decades
down the road. In fact, the journey and
the ongoing exploration of a career path
is not only accepted, it is encouraged.
Why isn't our sexuality viewed with
the same flexibility and understanding?
We are constantly growing and changing, and our needs are ever evolving, so
wouldn't it make sense that the ways in
which we fulfill them (and with whom)
will also evolve?
This discussion remains as fluid and
unresolved as the myriad of experiences
that contribute to it. Women will continue
to embrace their late-onset lesbianism
just as others will move through life
blurring the lines of their sexual orientation. What should remain unvarying is
our understanding and acceptance of all
such experiences. •
feelingsafter never havingbeen
aware of them before?Am I
deluded?Am I maladjusted?"The
answer is: No!Youare a perfectly
normalwoman. I would also
advisewomen not to spenda lot
of time worrying and trying to
predict the future. Doesa single
same-sexrelationshipmeanthat
you are a lesbianor bisexual?
Not necessarily.Doesit mean
that you will havemore samesex relationshipsin the future?
Maybe.Maybenot. It can be hard
to accept so muchuncertainty,
giventhat society tells us that
our sexualityis fixed. But it's
importantto accept and embrace
the complexity,variability,and
unpredictabilityof women'slove
and desire.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
53
SFOlt
s
Se.,·11tools ond tricl,s
oJ tlte tnmsoender trode.
BY YANA TALLON-HICKS
hen it comes to sexual
pleasure, our gendercategorizing culture
obsesses over "his" and "hers." But the
modern "genderation" has proven that
there are more than two genders and
that even within the trans community,
"transitioning" itself no longer means
moving from one "side" to the otherpeople self-identify as a vast array of
genders, including "genderqueer" and
more. Your bodies are your own, and
what gets you off often has nothing
to do with your gender identity and
everything to do with your partners, your
communication style, head space and
(of course) sex-cessories.
54
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
When a male-spectrum gender
identity and a female body intersect, we
get all kinds of sexy-licious people in our
lesbian, trans and queer communities.
When it comes time to love up, the
gender-fluid can benefit from having
particular tools in their belt, things that can
make them feel that much more pleasure.
Let's get over the idea that messing around
with those who mess around with gender
is all about soft-packs and chest-binders
and have some fun with transman-friendly
tools that get the jolly job well done.
There is yet to be an ideal pack-andplay toy (that is, a dildo flexible enough
to wear all day but firm enough for sexual
play). A dildo stiff enough for penetration
will make you look like a braggart when
worn to the office, while a soft-pack that
gives you an appropriately modest bulge
as you walk into the classroom won't have
anyone begging for extra credit between
the sheets. Vibratex's Mr. Bendy bends for
a decent tuck, but is made of a porous
material that can trap bacteria, so always
use condoms for play! ($69, babeland.
com). The realistic Vixen Goodfella can
bow down behind your jeans' zipper fly,
but will have you packing with a capital P
($126,vixencreations.com). Generally
speaking, whether you're packing or
playing, the Vixen dildo collection is as
realistic as it gets, thanks to the look
and unique feel of its patented silicone
"VixSkin" material, which is non-porous,
easy-to-clean, and soft on the outside but
firm on the inside.
The Tantus Realdoe, one of the only
realistic, flesh-toned double-ended dildos,
reduces your need for pesky hardware. It
can be worn harness-free, with one end
worn internally by the "doer" and the other
end externally available for your partner.
Vibrating and made of 100 percent
non-porous silicone, this toy can also be
secured with most harnesses for a more
stable fit ($169, goodvibes.com).
If you make do by keeping a spare
in your pocket, the Spareparts Joque
harness or the new, briefs-style harness,
the Tomboi, can make your pack-toplay transition much smoother. Unlike
traditional harnesses, with their moodkilling maze of straps, the simplicity of
these comfortable-yet-secure harnesses
saves you the embarrassment of not
being able to get your hard on ...literally.
The strapless, pull-on design and bodyconforming fabric make the Tomboi svelte
enough to wear under your clothes with a
soft-pack tucked into the front pouch, and,
when you're ready to romp, you can slide
a dildo through the flexible O-ring without
taking everything off. Top-secret vibrator
pouches cause an extra buzz for both
partners, and the machine-washable fabric
means that you can get as down and dirty
as you please without hassle or worry
($110,$78, sheboptheshop.com).
As popularly portrayed in the
famous queer and trans Crash Pad porn
series, genital pumps can do wonders
on gender-variant naughty bits as the
suction temporarily expands genital size,
enhances sensitivity, and creates a unique
pulling sensation. The 3 Cylinder Pump
System from She Bop, a trans-friendly
shop in Portland, Ore., draws the genitals
into a clear tube for visually erotic play
and when released (safely so, after 10
to 15 minutes of pumping), can result
in increased length and sensation ($86,
sheboptheshop.com).
The Vibrating Pleasure Pump provides
simultaneous suction and three speeds
of vibration in one encompassing cupped
end and can be extra-fun when used
with Sliquid Organics Stimulating O Gel,
which uses peppermint and menthol to
tickle your sensitive spots pink ($32, $20,
goodvibes.com).
Whether you're trans, genderqueer,
lesbian, or otherwise, your mind is still
your biggest sex organ. Give yourself
some good head with Take Me There:
Trans and Genderqueer Erotica by Tristan
Taormino or with transmale-inclusive
porn like Couch Surfers and Courtney
Trouble's Roulette series, or kick back
with the latest issue of Original Plumbing,
the independently published trans-male
quarterly magazine from Brooklyn, NY•
Mr. Bendy (left)
and The Vibrating
Pleasure Pump
or~s
gtycer,e&porobenree
noturollubricohngg«
LUBEJOB
We test six personal lubricants for your pleasure. Yana Tallon-Hicks
Modernpersonallubricantshavecomea
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Andthey're manufacturedwithout harmful
glycerinor parabens,so they're completely
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do they hold up to the good, old-fashioned,
five-fingertest? Curvedid the tough,selfless
work to find out. You'rewelcome.
ASTROGLIDE NATURAL: Commerciallube
giantAstroglidefinallyhopson the naturalingredient(thoughnot organic)train with
componentslikechamomileextract and
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back at the station.Its consistencyis good
for a little boost,without uber-lubing,but
it'sjust a littletoo thin for this lube-lover
(astroglide.com).
SCORE: 2
GOOD CLEAN LOVE'S ALMOST NAKED:
Organic,cruelty-free and veganingredients
are what self-proclaimed"loveologist"Wendy
Strgar has pouredinto her silky lubricant,
which is speciallydesignedto makeyou
feel like it didn'tjust comeout of a bottle.
Seaweed,aloevera and xanthangum keep
things slippery,while lemonand vanilla
extract smelland taste subtly sweet. The
extra-sensitive,however,shouldbeware,
becausejust a bit of lemonextract can
irritate (goodcleanlove.com).
SCORE: 4.,
YES: This organiclubewill haveyou calling
its name!Thoughmanylubessacrifice
long-lastingslicknesswhen they go organic,
Yeslists its first two ingredientsas water
and aloe, but still stays pillowy soft and
sumptuouslyslick, for as many"yes"esas
you can handle(yesyesyes.org).SCORE: 5
Keepyour
dirty bits squeakycleanwith this light,waterbasedlovin'liquidthat borrows heavilyfrom
the herbalmedicinecabinet.Thinkaloeand
alfalfato sooththe skin,vitaminEto healany
irritation,and hibiscusto promotehealthy
tissueelasticity.Partiallyrecycledpackaging
is a plus,but the needto reapplyoften docks
a finger(sliquidorganics.com).
SCORE: 3
SLIQUID ORGANICS NATURAL:
BLOSSOM ORGANICS: If you're usedto hiding
the broccoli in the mac n' cheese,you can
also trick your organic-aversepartner into
branchingout from obviouschoices like K-Y
jelly with this is perfect all-naturallube. It's
got the familiarfeel of a commerciallube-it's
thin, viscous and comes in an unassuming
white-and-purpletube-so no one will ever
be the wiser about its fancy-schmancy
ingredients,like "organicboragoofflcinalis
seed oil" (blosson-organics.com).
SCORE: 3
RAINBOW LUBE
Cana lube be gay?Yesit can! Ashley
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LLCandthe creator of RainbowLube,the
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The product is neonpink,
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rainbowlube)
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
CURVE
55
THE
BY EVA RIVERA
remember my first night. I
decide to brave it without
alcohol, and I can feel my
hands trembling. Thirty minutes till I have to be in the
dressing room in nothing but a thong,
fake lashes, and a bra easy enough to
remove in five seconds. My baby parallel parks a block away from bustling
Bourbon Street. Her fingers massage my
scalp. "You nervous?" she asks me. I hear
her seatbelt unlock as she reaches over
the cup holders to pull me into her arms.
She holds me tight, trying to kiss my
anxieties away. "When you get home, I'm
going to massage your whole body and
make love to you until you fall asleep:'
Now I really don't want to leave.
She pulls the car up to the cabaret-style
building, with its neon sign glowing, and
looking just like every place your mother
warned you about.
"Coming at ya for her first of three,
the lovely and talented EVA!"booms the
smirking DJ as I stumble through the
crowd of beer- and sweat-slicked men
on my way to the flashing stage. I reach
the marble platform and breathe in. For
a moment, I am totally calm. The music
I
56
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
becomes a whisper in the background,
the throng of ass-hungry bachelors blurs,
and I am standing alone. Then I remember where I am as crisp ones rain down,
puncturing my trance. My first profits,
my ticket to financial stability. Suddenly
my hands feel slippery against the copper
pole and I peer down at my pigeontoed feet, even more awkward in those
6-inchers. Keeping my eye on the bills
around me, I manage to start moving my
hips, arching my back.
The easy part is over-now I have
to seduce a man with a lap dance, the
defining move in the stripper repertoire.
I pick a man from the crowd, the ripest
fruit on the vine, the one who opened a
bar tab for all his friends. I sit and make
small talk. He likes fly-fishing and works
in sales. A few minutes pass before I smile
seductively, clutch his arm, and lead him
to a private booth, settling in his lap. I
don't lose eye contact as my hips grind to
the rhythm of a dubstep remix. He is sure
I want to take him home with me, and
this is how one little dance can last for
hours. By the end of the night, the ATM
won't spit him out any more money, and
I've paid my rent in just a few hours.
What he took as a sincere emotional and
physical connection was my selling him
the illusion of desire. Most of the time, I
was ticking off tomorrow's to-do list.
Becoming a sex worker wasn't so
simple. It meant coming to terms with
the idea that women-feminists
and
queers-would see me as a symbol of
betrayal. It didn't matter that I had
fallen in love with a woman, or that I
knew I could never be a straight girl.
Stepping into the role of the seductress
was enough to cast me as a Judas in
their eyes. The idea tormented me at
first. Was I selling out? The collision of
my identities as femme lesbian, Chicana
and now sex worker made all my old
insecurities raw and tender again. In
an attempt to save what I thought of
as my dignity, I hid my profession from
everyone besides my girlfriend. I stepped
out of one closet and into another.
The swampy New Orleans summer
was both uncomfortable and unprofitable, so I did what any good sex worker
does- I followed the money. I ended up
dancing in Anchorage, Alaska, where
bears and conservatives both run wild.
I worked in a decades-old saloon that
smelled like old pine. It was a local attraction. Right across the street from it stood
a small, white-steepled church plastered
with signs that looked all too familiar:
Hell Is Real, Repent Before Judgment
Day. The believers also held an annual
protest rally condemning the sinful club
across the street-its customers, and the
women who worked there. Imagine having to withstand that kind of scrutiny
every day. It wears you out. The club
had a sad history, being the workplace
of several women who were murdered
by a serial killer who targeted strippers,
because of our presumed disposability.
Having such negativity looming above
my head made dancing a bleak way to
make a living. Not because of the choice
I made to enter into the industry, but
because of the assumptions and judgments
that others made about my choice.
Growing up in a sexist world, I quickly
learned what a "young lady" was supposed
to do and say, and the very clear restrictions on what was acceptable. Enter high
school. Those were the years of promise
rings and sneaking out of windows. If
someone was deemed a slut, it made for
plenty of passive aggression in the locker
room. Unfortunately, most people never
grow out of those shaming attitudes, and
we see how it plays out in the adult world
every time a violent crime against a sex
worker goes unreported or unsolved.
Being a sex worker, for me, means
having independence and a source of
income big enough to pay my bills and
support my dreams. It also means facing objectification by men and repulsion
and disbelief from some in my own community. Being a sex worker, for me, is
having the option of negotiating my own
rates and services, my own terms. It is
also knowing that not too many people
have my back.
It means that my family will never
know a part of me. My fear of being
judged has taken a toll on my relationship with them. Phone calls home are
brief, mumbled; expectations are left
wanting. I can only describe the feeling of alienation and loneliness as very
similar to hiding my sexuality. Coming
out was scary, awkward and painful, but
relieved so much pressure. Being open
about my chosen occupation might not
yield the same results, which is why I live
anonymously. It's hard to get others to
understand that my job is just that-a
job. My job is to sell the illusion of attraction. Just like you clock out of work at the
end of the day and go home to your lesbian
lover, I clock out of my work persona and
go home to my dykey darling. What I do
for a living is not the sole definition of
who I am.
My shift ends at 5 a.m. By then my
hair is tangled by so many rough hands
and reeks of the cigarette smoke that
clouds the dressing room. The rest of
my body is used to the ache of eight
hours spent in stilettos, but my knees,
still raw and bruised from intense stage
work, need to be rubbed with coconut oil
before I can sleep. I clock out exhausted,
but proud of all the twenties balled up
in my purse. My girlfriend pulls up to
the sidewalk with a smile, our work and
sleep patterns perfectly in sync. Just as
you do in any relationship, you figure out
a rhythm. At home, I rush to the shower
to rinse off the heavy layers of makeup,
sweat and cologne, and wrap myself
in a cotton towel, which my girlfriend
promptly unwraps. We spend some time
talking about our night and planning for
tomorrow, tidy up the place, and then
melt into each other's soft skin after a
long night of work.•
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17
IT'S NOT EVERYDAY that a fashion
model makes the crossover into
acting. After all, the vacant stare,
the empty-headed gaze that takes
a waif onto runways around the
world is pretty much a liability for
an actor. So it's a pleasant surprise
that the British brunette Jessica
Clark has adapted her modeling
career into a career in television
and the movies. Featured recently
as the vampire Lilith on the hit HBO
series True Blood, she can also be
seen starring in the lesbian blockbuster A Perfect Ending, in which
she plays Paris, a high-class call
girl who falls in love with a straight
married woman. The premise of
A Perfect Ending is the stuff lesbian fantasies are made of: A frustrated, anorgasmic, middle-aged
bombshell hires a much younger
sex worker (with a tragic past) to
initiate her into the pleasures of
lesbian sex. Defenses come down,
passions ignite, love also blooms,
but there is trouble in paradise for
this unlikely pair. Intrigued? Jessica
Clark was, and shares with Curve
all the juicy details about making
the film, and tells us what's next in
her equally perfect career.
Your acting career is clearly taking off
and things are happening for you. Where
did you train to be an actor?
My primary training was with Susan Batson in New York, at her acting studio. She's
an amazing coach, and she was working
a lot with well-known people, including
Nicole Kidman, at the time. Working with
her is the foundation of who I am as an
actress. She was very much my mentor and
wanted me to make the transition to being
an actor. Ever since I got to L.A. I take
classes here, and I have some really great
coaches. It's a never-ending process. You
always want to get better, more nuanced.
You never stop training. It would be like an
athlete who stopped working out.
The list of models who've become illustrious actors is not very long. What made
you think you could do it?
That was quite a long process for me,
because I was very much a model but feeling constricted and not really satisfied.
58
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
I felt like I needed something more. I
needed a new challenge. People would
even say to me on sets, when I was modeling, 'You seem like an actor: I had a lot of
resistance to it, because how do you know
if you're good? And it's another career
that is not predictable, it's not linear.
When you auditioned for A Perfect Ending, did you know that you were getting
into the next big lesbian movie?
[Laughs] I actually saw Elena Undone at
Outfest-the first short film I had done
scenes. There was definitely a conversation I had with Martha [Sanchez, Clark's
talent manager] about it. If you're going
to do something like that, the relationship
and the trust you have with your director
has to be so solid, you really have to have a
sense of their vision. There are many different ways to shoot a love scene. I think
my impression of Nicole's work is that she
loved women, first and foremost, the sensuality and beauty of women, and also the
beauty of film and cinematography. But,
fortunately, I'm not that self-conscious
about my body [laughs]. I
thought it was a beautiful
story, and I thought it was a
story that hadn't really been
told or explored. I think that
female sexuality is something
to be embraced and it should
be shown at different ages and
WORDS BY MERRYN JOHNS
places in life, and at different
PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARINA RICE BADER
levels of experience. For every
as an actor was screening at Outfest too,
single woman, her sexual being is the result
so I'd come to L.A. for that. It was very of everything she has experienced, or hasn't
much a packed house and you got a sense
experienced. I just don't think there's
of the work that [Nicole Conn] has done
enough of that three-dimensional depiction
and people's response to it. So it was very of those things. And so I embraced the
interesting, a year or so later, to be audiopportunity to show something different.
tioning for her. That was pretty cool.
Your character, Paris, could have been a
PERFECT
CAREER
What was your audition piece?
[Sultry voice] "Nothing is going to happen
if you don't want it to, but unless you tell
me otherwise, Rebecca, I'm going to kiss
you:' You know, that scene.
Did you know there would be lots of intimate sex scenes?
Yes, that's something that you have to
discuss pretty early on. They had sent me
the script before we met, because they
wanted to get a sense of how I felt about
Paris, and also to be aware of the sex
2013
cliche-the hooker with a heart of goldbut she's not. Tell us about your way into
her as an actor.
I think I really connected to her on a personal level, to her need to have a confident
exterior and a very self-assured nature, a
sense of personal accomplishment and
validation. I related to what she was carrying within her, and the ways in which
she is trying to make sense of what happened to her. I really connected to her
very spontaneously. I loved that Nicole
had given her so many different layers
and nuances, and Paris goes through her
own metamorphosis as well throughout
the film. I took her as a gift and wanted to
show all those different parts of her.
The scenes in the hotel room are so suspenseful. Is Rebecca going to let Paris
make love to her? How did you approach
these scenes?
I think she is wanting to give back. She is
wanting to give an experience to people,
to help them feel a certain way, whether
60
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
it's to have their first orgasm or to feel
loved-whatever it is, I think that's how
she approaches it. Because Rebecca is so
nervous and tightly wound, and now she's
being driven by instinct. This is what she
needs to experience, but she has no idea
of how she's going to get there. Paris is
able to see that, she is consciously trying
to calm her and to get her to be present
within herself. I am gay and Barbara
[Niven] is not, so in terms of being
actresses, she really didn't know what
2013
you do, and I did-or at least I had a better
idea than she did, I suppose [laughs]. I
think that worked very well for the characters, because that was the case for them
as well.
You've been out as a lesbian for some
time, and this is a major lesbian film.
Are you concerned that you'll be stereotyped as a "lesbian actress"?
It's very easy to get typecast in many different ways. In terms of taking on this
project, it wasn't really a concern of mine.
Me being out I think is an ongoing thing.
It has a relevance to people in the community, who are appreciative of that, but
I've yet to see how much it's going to
impact my mainstream career. I mean, I
got True Blood [after A Peifect Ending]. I
think you have to be smart with the kind
of projects you choose anyway, but for me
there's no way that I couldn't be out. It's
part of who I am and it always will be. If
I had to make a choice between having a
certain type of career and hiding who I
was, I would choose to live my life openly.
I'm just as likely to not get a part because
I'm really tall as I am not to get a part
because I'm gay. I'm going to try and be
me and be as honest as I can within the
parameters of my privacy. I really don't see
why we can't get to a point where [being
gay J is a positive point of differentiation.
In the scenes with your fiance, I totally
believed you were straight.
Yes, gay people can play straight. Because
you are your character in that moment,
and you find things to love and be attracted
to or excited by in that character, and
through what the other actor is bringing
to the table. For me, that's no harder than
being angry at them or hurt by them. It's
all part of the human experience.
You mentioned privacy earlier, and I was
thinking about your relationship status.
Do you have anything you'd like to share
with us regarding where you are at now,
romantically?
Lacey [Stone J and I are no longer together.
This is the official announcement.
Was the end of that relationship difficult?
Lacey and I have always had and will
continue to have a tremendous amount
of love and respect for each other, and
that very much hasn't changed and won't
change. We shared some amazing years
together and I think we'll both always
cherish them.
You got married in Puerto Vallarta in
2010. Has the end of the relationship
altered your view of gay marriage? Are
we really ready for gay marriage?
We're as ready as any other human beings.
I think that we-people, essentially-fall
in love, you do your best, and that's all you
can ever do. But no, it has not in any way
changed my views.
That was beautifully answered. I think
you would have made a good attorney.
Did you know that was what I wanted to
do when I was a little girl?
I did, and it makes me wonder, if you
weren't an actor, or you had to choose
a second career, what might you do
instead?
Oh, wow. I sort of think about it as potentially my third career now, but I write and
I always have done, so I would like to think
that would be my third chapter, maybe.
That's the fantasy. Short stories, a novel.
If Molly Ringwald can do it, you can.
I know, check her out. Actually, there are
quite a few actors who write ...
In the meantime, what can we look forward to seeing you in next on the big or
small screen?
Well, I can tell you that you haven't seen
the last of Lilith. I can't really tell you
much more, because it hasn't even started
filming yet, but you can wait and see!•
BODY+SOUL
BARBARA NIVEN BARED A LOT MORE THAN SKIN FOR HER ROLE IN
A PERFECT ENDING. BY LAURIE K. SCH EN DEN
BY THE TIME Barbara Niven got a call from filmmaker Nicole Conn and
producer Marina Rice Bader about playing the lead role in A Perfect Ending,
Niven had pretty much given up on her acting career.
"I love acting so much, and as a woman gets older in Hollywood you get
fewer and fewer quality parts you can make a difference with;' says Niven,
whose credits include a long list of TV shows and Lifetime movies. But
when she saw the script, she knew she had to do the film, even though it
meant doing naked, intimate love scenes with a much younger actor (Jessica
Clark), who also happens to be a model.
"Jessica Clark is just as gorgeous as it gets-I mean, young, gorgeous
body, and here I am a grandmother;' says Niven. "But I wanted to do it
because I wanted to do truth in this movie."
Niven's character, Rebecca, is a frustrated wife who drinks too much. She's
judgmental, repressed and tightly wound, but she keeps her demons locked
inside herself.
"She's ugly;' Niven says, referring not to her character's appearance (she
is, in fact, attractive) but to her spirit. "She's never had an orgasm in her life,
she's stayed with her husband after he abused her daughter. Who does that?
A lot of women do that. But then, Rebecca just decides she does not want to
wonder 'What if?' someday. So she decides to change:'
In creating the character of Rebecca,
Niven "put every woman that I've ever
known into her. My mother, myself, my
daughter-all of us worry about getting
older, about losing our looks, about not
living our dream, about not fulfilling
our purpose. And that's what Rebecca is
doing."
Although Niven turns 60 in February,
she's fit and beautiful, hardly anyone's idea
of a grandmother. Still, the realization that
"it's going to be you up on that 40-foot
screen, naked;' was daunting, although
Niven laughs about it now. But she trusted
Nicole Conn, whom she's known since they
both lived in Portland, Ore., 25 years ago,
and she felt an immediate bond with the
newcomer, Clark.
The love scenes are beautifully shot
and intimate, revealing a unique chemistry between Rebecca and Paris, Clark's
character.
"I think that we should not judge passion, or what our soul mate looks like;'
says Niven. "Or what love looks like, because it's probably not going to come in
this tidy little wrapped package that you
think it does."
Niven and Conn had long conversa-
tions about the demands that society puts
on women, and decided that they both
wanted to reveal their own truths in the
film, right down to showing the stretch
marks on an aging woman's body.
"Hero marks;' says Niven. "Somebody
yelled that out in one of the audiences,
and that made me feel so much better. My
stretch marks are up there [on screen].
People say I'm really, really brave. I still
come from my own vulnerabilities and
my own fears. This is the most naked
I've ever been in a movie-and it's not
just physically naked but emotionally
naked."
It helped a lot that she was working
with people she trusted, Niven says. "Nicole
makes it a safe place to really go there,
and Jessica Clark-she and I had such a
connection. It wasn't like we were acting,
it was like we were just being.
"People say, 'Wow, are you really having sex?' Well, of course you're not. It's a
dance that you do, and we're actors. It's
more choreographed than what the end
product looks like:' Niven adds, ''I'm not a
lesbian, I wasn't sure what to do. We shot
the sex scenes in order, because I wanted
to use my own vulnerability. So when you
"I THINK THAT
WE SHOULD NOT
JUDGE PASSION,
OR WHAT OUR
SOUL MATE
LOOKS LIKE."
62
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
see the first scene and my shirt comes
off, my bra starts to come off, you see
that Rebecca is crying. That's actually
me crying, because it was scary. But I
wanted to use it, because it was appropriate for the character.
''All that vulnerability is me, Barbara.
That sex scene where I have the orgasm
is the most honest, the most intimate I
think I've ever been in my life, because I
just let the music play inside of me. I'm
really happy the way it turned out."
The film's theme, the search for perfection, resonated with Niven, who struggled
with bulimia for 30 years. "Never feeling
perfect enough, or thin enough, or smart
enough. Just never feeling good enough,
which is what our society says about
women anyway:' A Peifect Ending gave
her the chance to test her limits and face
her fears.
"When you have something in your
gut that says you have to do it, but your
fear is almost overwhelming, I say you
have to leap off the cliff and do it, because
what I've learned is that just beyond your
biggest fear is your biggest gold.
"This is the best work I have ever done
and probably will ever do."•
LOVE
STORY
LESBIAN FILMMAKER NICOLE CONN
WEARS HER HEART ON HER SLEEVE.
BY LAURIE K. SCHENDEN
NICOLE CONN has written five novels,
about a dozen screenplays and directed
several lesbian feature films that all have
at least one thing in common-hot, passionate love.
Her latest film, A Perfect Ending has
some of the most powerful lesbian love
scenes ever recorded on film. Her previous film, Elena Undone, is said to have
the longest continuous kiss in any film.
Conn will always be known for her first
lesbian feature, Claire of the Moon (1992),
because it was groundbreaking at a time
"when there was nothing [lesbian] out
there;' she says. It did, however, generate
criticism as well, for taking about 104 of its
105 minutes to deliver a payoff.
"I wish I could recut the first 25 minutes. It's hard for me to watch, it makes me
cringe on some levels;' Conn says today.
"Claire of the Moon is old-time filmmaking-long pauses. It's cutting before the
MTV-style of cutting took over everything.
It's beautifully scored and well acted,
but also, I'm proud of what it did for the
community."
Today, nobody could accuse Conn of
being a tease. Nearly 15 years after Claire,
she has let loose with Elena Undone and
A Perfect Ending, delivering the romance,
passionate sex, good story and high production values that are the hallmark of
mainstream movies.
A Perfect Ending is based
on a high-concept one-line
description that came from
Marina Rice Bader, Conn's
producing partner (the two
founded Soul Kiss Films,
whose mission is to produce
women's films by a variety
of women writers and directors): What would happen if
a woman had never had an
orgasm by the time she was 50?
"The idea was so compelling for me;'
says Conn. "I was in the middle of writing
the book for Elena Undone, I was under
deadline, but I had to drop everything:'
The result is the story of Rebecca, a
married woman (Barbara Niven), who
meets Paris, a young high-class prostitute
(Jessica Clark).
"It's definitely a love story between
Paris and Rebecca. It's also a vindication
and redemption story, and, for me, that's
part of the most critical piece to it;' says
Conn. "I don't really want to reveal all
the stuff because of my family, but it's my
story. I know so many other people who've
had the same experience-families where
there are stepchildren:'
While Conn is modest about her technical abilities as a director, there's no
doubt that she has a knack for producing
heat.
"I sit in every endless hour of casting and
read hundreds and hundreds of women to
find those 'two people; because seriously,
if you don't have that [chemistry], what's
the point?" says Conn.
Trisha Todd and Karen Trumbo had it
in Claire of the Moon, Necar Zadegan and
Traci Dinwiddie had it in Elena Undone,
and now so do Barbara Niven and Jessica
Clark in A Perfect Ending.
"I'm telling you, from the minute they
were in the audition together [Barbara
and Jessica], that was fate;' says Conn.
"We met Jessica first, but to be honest, I
wasn't sure she could act, because she'd
just come off the modeling circuit and
was very new and only had a short [film]
under her belt.
"I will tell you, the first day of shooting,
she had the hardest day. It wasn't by design-it was just a scheduling conflict we
had, so that we could get Morgan Fairchild. She killed it. I called her manager at
the end of the day and I said, 'Oh my gosh,
this girl is going to explode.' She is so raw
and extraordinary.
"She was willing to try anything I asked
of her. I mean, she was just amazing. You
just don't get to work with somebody who
is that raw and instinctual at the same
time-and then, conversely,somebody who
is as seasoned and savvy and brilliant as
Barbara Niven. It's like two ends of the
spectrum, and the way they come together
just worked in every way!'
While Niven (who's straight) credits
Clark (a lesbian) with helping her in their
scenes together, Conn says that it is Niven,
the veteran actress, who deserves much of
the credit.
"She knows where the person is with
the camera, she knows where the light
is, she helped everybody that she worked
with. Everybody. She's the most generous
actor I've ever worked with;' says Conn.
Today, Conn may be our best-known
lesbian filmmaker, but it wasn't always
so. She was also attracted to larger budget
projects and indie films.
"Quite frankly, I had two huge books
that were at William Morris [Agency],
that were attached to actors like Ashley
Judd and Elizabeth Shue, and I was really
going in a completely different direction.
But the financing on those big features ...
you hope all the pieces come together, but
they very rarely do."
While waiting for one of those films
to get made, she married human rights
activist Gwen Baba and had children.
Conn was a hands-on mom and gave up
filmmaking altogether, until her son was
born premature and disabled.
Out of that journey came the documentary Little Man, Conn's most acclaimed
film to date.
Becoming a uniquely lesbian storyteller
'Just sort of happened;' she says. ''I'm a
triple Scorpio and I wear my heart on my
sleeve. What I'm known for is loving and
loving good. I feel that way about the films
that I do and the books that I do. I put
everything I have into it:'
As she prepares for the DVD release of
A PerfectEnding, she's trying to resurrect a
film that she started 15 years ago, and she's
writing a book called Defending Thirds.
The subject matter? "It's an epic love
story;' she says. What else?•
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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ACCOMMODATIONS
SHOPPING
Whateveryour ideaof a romanticgetaway,
Vegashasa roomwith your nameon it. Many
LasVegashotelsareTAGand IGLTA
approved
propertiesofferingspecialtyLGBTpackagesor
websites,includingWynnLasVegas,ParisLas
Vegas,NewYork-NewYorkand Luxor.
LasVegashasbuilta namefor itselfas a destinationfor the seriousshopper.Getswept away
bythe lavishvarietyof Crystalsat CityCenter,
thencheckout the one-of-a-kindlandscape
andselectionat TheShoppesat ThePalazzo,
thenexplorethe MiracleMileShopsat Planet
HollywoodResort& Casino.
NIGHTLIFE
IS ONE OF THE TOP
DESTINATIONSIN THE WORLD
FOR GAY AND LESBIAN
TRAVELERS,OFFERINGWORLDCLASS ACCOMMODATIONS,
Barsandclubsaboundinthis city with many
hot spotsto choosefrom.Try KraveMassive,
the largestLGBTdanceclubinthe country
foundat the famousFremontStreetExperience,or headto nearbyfavoritesTAO,PURE
or LAXfor a mixedcrowd andgreatmusic.The
BeatlesREVOLUTION
Loungeat TheMirageis
alsoa popularparty spotfor RevaSundays,the
onlyLGBTpartyon the LasVegasStrip.Make
sureto visitTheLoop,a clusterof LGBTvenues
includingGipsy,8½,Piranha,Freezone
and
others.Fora listof otherLGBTbars,checkout
"BarsandClubs"at LasVegas.com/gaytravel.
ENTERTAINMENT
GETAWAYTHAN THE WORLD'S
Catchunforgettableperformancesby Celine
Dionat CaesarsPalace,Zumanityby Cirque
du Soleilat NewYork-NewYork,or Le ReveThe Dreamat WynnLasVegas.Or for a little
drag in your evening,cheeron top celebrity
impersonatorsat FrankMarino'sDivasLas
Vegasat TheQuadResortand Casino
(formerlyImperialPalace).
ENTERTAINMENTCAPITAL.HERE
DINING
NIGHTLIFE,ENTERTAINMENT,
DINING,SHOPPING AND
MORE.THEREIS NO BETTER
PLACETO TAKEA ROMANTIC
ARE SOME HIGHLIGHTSTHAT
ARE SURETO ADD PASSIONTO
YOUR NEXT VEGASGETAWAY.
Knownaroundthe globefor its romanticand
top-ratedrestaurants,LasVegasis a culinary
paradise.Thegreatestnamesinthe kitchen,
includingBobbyFlayandJoelRobuchon,
operateestablishmentshere,andspots like
SugarFactoryat ParisHoteland BorderGrill,
co-ownedby SusanFenigerand MarySue
Milliken,at MandalayBayoffer excitingoptions
for any palate.
SPAS
Treatyourselfwell at oneof the city's premier
spas.Thespaciousand modernBATHHOUSE
at THEhotelat MandalayBayis a chicescape
from the city sounds,andthe AdventureSpaat
RedRockCasinoResortis an invigorating
mixof
outdooractivityandsoothingbodytreatments.
COMMITMENT CEREMONIES
Vegasis proudto offer a numberof unique
locationsthat holdcommitmentceremonies.
Fromthe VivaVegasWeddingChapelto the
weddingsalonsat WynnLasVegas,each
experiencepromisesto be unforgettable
for anycouple.
ATTRACTIONS
Takeadvantageof the greatlocalattractions
that you'llonlyfmd herein Vegas.Don'tmiss
the famousFountainsof Bellagio,SkyJump
LasVegasat the Stratosphere,the Flightlinez
at FremontStreetExperience,
RedRockandthe
GrandCanyon.Try somethingnew with Pink
JeepToursor Betty'sOutrageousAdventures,
whichcater directlyto the LGBTtraveler.
RESOURCES
LasVegasoffers incrediblyhelpfulandupdated
resourcesto facilitateyour travelingneeds.
TheGayand LesbianCommunityCenterof
SouthernNevada,as well as QVegasare great
placesto start. Getthe full story on LGBT
travel in LasVegasand planyour trip today
at LasVegas.com/gaytravel.
•
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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ASK ANY TRAVELERABOUT
WAIKIKI,AN UPSCALE,TOURISTYNEIGHBORHOOD OF
HONOLULU ON THE SOUTH
SHORE OF THE ISLAND OF
OAHU, AND THEY'LL LIKELY
TELL YOU TO STAYA DAY
AND KEEPMOVING TO
OTHER LESS-POPULATED,
MORE PRISTINEPARTSOF
THE ISLAND.I SAY,TAKE
THATADVICEWITH A RATHER
LARGEGRAIN OF PINK
HAWAIIAN SEA SALT.
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Because this famous and much photographed crescent of sand, which terminates in the iconic Diamond Head, is still
a playground for those in need of spoiling.
I spent an entire week in Waikiki-with
brief forays into the North Shore-and
I had plenty to do and enjoy. But on this
crowded shoreline, your enjoyment may
depend on which hotel you choose. I
stayed at the Sheraton Waikiki, a property
that has much to keep you occupied right
there on the premises, including the Leahi
Club Lounge, a lovely spot on a high floor
where you can watch the sun set as you
sip a glass of wine and nibble on snacks,
gratis. On my first night, I was treated to
a gigantic moonrise over Diamond Head
followed by fireworks over the bay. Just
another Monday night in Waikiki, although it felt as though I had checked in
to paradise. (sheraton-waikiki.com)
The Sheraton Waikiki has its arms
wide open to the LGBT community;
its general manager, Kelly Sanders, is
openly gay and has been instrumental
in developing partnerships with local
LGBT organizations. The Sheraton is a
sponsor of the Pride Festival, the Rainbow Festival, and fundraising events for
local LGBT charities. It's even adopted
two schools and created Gay Student
Alliance clubs. "The 'ha' in 'Aloha' has
special meaning;' says Sanders. "The
'breath of life; and we're breathing life
into the world's most famous beach, with
the LGBT community at the forefront of
our minds and actions."
It's all about abundance. Kai Market
showcasesfarm-freshingredientsandlocal
recipes in a plantation-style decor-breakfast here was my first indication that
Hawaii is in the middle of a sustainable
food revolution. If spoiling yourself is your
first priority, you will no doubt be gravitating toward the spectacular Infinity Edge
Pool and its relaxing bar and restaurant,
The Edge of Waikiki. The cocktails here
are delicious and don't encourage activity
unless it involves gravitating toward the
friendly poolside masseuse.
Dinner showcases just how far Waikiki
has come as a dining destination. RumFire, a gorgeous oceanside establishment
with flaming braziers which illuminate
the tropical night offers a lot of ambience. Conceived ofby a former manager of
Nobu, in New York City,the bar serves 101
types of rum, while chef Brett Villarmia
dishes up comfort food with an exotic,
Pacific Rim of Fire twist. No wonder this is
a popular date-night choice for locals, and
on the last Sunday night of each month, its
networking night, Phoenix, is a beacon for
the local LGBT community.
The Moana Surfrider, a Westin Resort
& Spa (moana-surfrider.com), is oldschool Hawaii, with its white columns
and charming front porch, ceiling fans,
and elegant steak and seafood restaurant,
Beachhouse. If you're eager to impress
your date (or lesbian bride), this is the
place. And before or after your date, treat
yourself to Moana Lani Spa, a Heavenly
Spa by Westin. The Lomi Lomi massage
draws on ancient Hawaiian healing traditions and is one of the best massages I
have ever had.
If you want to splurge on an outstanding accommodation rich in the
magic of old Hawaii, The Royal Hawai-
ian (royal-hawaiian.com), open since
1927 and also known as the Pink Palace
of the Pacific, is a historic landmark in
a manicured tropical setting with its
own beachfront. Its fine farm-to-table
restaurant, Surf Lanai, serves a locally
inspired breakfast and a lunch buffet
that offers a serious distraction from
the pink parasols and aquamarine panorama of Waikiki Beach.
And it's gay friendly, too. Even the
Mai Tai Bar offers a delicious punch
cocktail called the Ellen DeGeneres.
Have a couple of these and work up the
courage to try stand-up paddleboarding in the ocean in front of The Royal
Hawaiian. For first-timers it's not easy,
but I was compensated for falling off
my board many times by the sight of a
majestic sea turtle, who popped up to
the surface to give me condolences.
After all that exercise-or even if
you've lazed the day away at the Royal
Beach with your umbrella and your
chaise-you'll want to reward yourself
with dinner at Azure Restaurant, where
award-winning chef de cuisine Jon Matsubara serves the freshest morning catch
from the Honolulu fish auction at Pier
38, and the knowledgeable staff are determined to spoil you.
If you actually do want to leave your
hotel, it is an easy drive to the famed
beauty of O'ahu's North Shore. Here
you'll find the Dole Plantation (try the
pineapple frozen yogurt), Haleiwa Town,
the Macadamia Nut Farm, and the legendary Kahuku Shrimp Truck, which
serves a rustic and satisfying lunch for
around $10. Cleanse your palate with
shaved ice, a local delicacy served at a
number of mom-and-pop grocery stores.
The North Shore is a beautiful place to
browse the beaches and small shops, but
one unbeatable activity is a horseback riding tour of Kualoa Ranch (kualoa.com).
Here you will take a gentle ride into
valleys and forests, and catch stunning
glimpses of the sapphire blue Pacific
Ocean-a taste of the real Hawaii and
yet not all that far from the luxury of
your lodgings. (starwoodhotels.com) •
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2013
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69
THE
BIG
KAHUNA
HAWAII OFFERSROMANCE AND ADVENTURE.
BY KRISTIN FLICKINGER
They call it the Big Island. The island of
Hawaii is the largest in the U.S., with an
elevation gain of13,796 feet and as many
climate zones as you would encounter
between Alaska and Costa Rica. It is home
to coral reefs, rain forests, snowcapped
mountains, active volcanoes and white,
black and green sand beaches. Whether
you're visiting a luxurious resort or an
eco-touristy retreat, you're going to lose
yourself in Hawaii's abundant natural
beauty and vibrant culture.
Visiting the Big Island is best done as a
long trip. But if you only have a couple of
days, you can see a fair amount by driving
the costal routes between Hilo and Kona.
Each route gives you a full day of driving
through constantly changing scenery.
Hawaii doesn't have much in the way of
public transit, so a car is essential, and
rentals are notoriously expensive. You'd
be wise to use discounthawaiicarrental.
com for the best deal. Here's a quick
rundown of both routes.
Beach Bums: North Route
Starting in Hilo, head to Rainbow Falls
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2013
State Park, known for its early-morning
rainbows. The Hilo Farmers Market is
the place to shop: Along with everything
you'd expect (pineapples, mangoes), you'll
find fresh fruit popsicles, Hawaiian honey,
and handicrafts that include T-shirts
and bongo drums. Bring your camera
and hike the paved loop through a
gorgeous jungle to view Kahuna Falls
and the 422-foot Akaka Falls. The village
of Hawi offers you a glimpse of the old
Hawaii. Eat at the Bamboo Restaurant,
visit the crystal shop, and have a Kona
coffee. Pololu Valley Lookout offers one
of the most dramatic views on the island.
Violent waves crash into lava cliffs, and a
black sand beach lies at the mouth of a
vibrant green valley. Take the steep trail
to the beach for a closer look. On your
way to Kona, travel the Kohala Coast, a
beautiful stretch ofland that has some of
the most amazing beaches in the world.
Volcano Lovers: South Route
Starting in Kona, head to Pu'honua 0
Honaunau, the Place of Refuge, and home
to a number of culturally significant sites,
including an area that served as a refuge
for kapu (law) breakers, defeated warriors, and noncombatants. In Volcanoes
National Park, enjoy the view of the
plume rising from the Halema'uma'u
Crater. Kalapana lava-viewing area is
on the site of a lava-covered village.
During the day, you might see smoke
on the ridge from the parking area. After
Volcanoes, head to Hilo and spend some
time exploring the downtown shops.
Eating Out
Huggo's and On the Rocks offer fine and
casual dining at one location: Head into
Huggo's for a romantic dinner, or On the
Rocks for fish tacos and some local music.
Bonus: Both of these establishments are
gay-owned. Kamuela Provision Company
at the Hilton Waikoloa Village specializes in seafood and locally sourced ingredients. Arrive early to watch the best
oceanside sunset around. Hawaii Calls
at the Waikoloa Beach Marriott features
truly local, farm-to-table dining in an
elegant setting. Luau (the traditional
Hawaiian feast) at Mauna Kea Beach
Hotel allows you to experience traditional dance performances without the
crowds, and the hotel grounds include
100 feet), and the possibility that you'll
one of the most
beautiful beaches
in the world. Rays
on the Bay at the
Sheraton Keauhou
Bay Resort & Spa
is the only place
in the world where
you can view wild
manta rays while
enjoying a meal
The gay-owned
Lava Lava Beach
Club on Anaeho'omalu Bay has a beachfront restaurant where every night is an
open-air party with live music.
end up swimming with wild spinner
dolphins.
Kohala Zipline is the safest operator on the island. Its full canopy tour
takes you 120 feet above a riverbed on
the slopes of an extinct volcano, where
you'll experience an ancient king's backyard from the trees. For some-thing
completely different: a night dive with
mantas. Buy an underwater camera, or
purchase a DVD of your dive.
For something more traditional, gayowned Sun and Sea Hawaii offers snorkel and dive adventures based in Hilo.
(bigisland.org)
Island Adventure
The most dramatic way to see Captain
Cook Monument and Kealakekua Bay
is by kayak, and a tour booked through
Kona Boys Kayak Shop includes historical information, good food, amazing
snorkeling (underwater visibility nears
Where to Stay
Hilo Hawaiian Hotel is a modest hotel
with a modest price and a great view
onto Coconut Island Park, just across a
footbridge from the hotel. Gay-owned
Kalani Oceanside Retreat is near the
Kalapana Lava Flow and is a retreat cen-
ter for artists, yoginis and those wanting
to get away from the grind. The Courtyard King Kamehameha's Kona Beach
Hotel was the host hotel for Pride 2012
and has great views in the heart of downtown Kona.
Aston Waikoloa Colony Villas are condos loaded with amenities, from in-unit
laundry and full kitchen to high-speed
Internet and PlayStation 2.
For a truly magical stay, the gayowned Lava Lava Beach Club offers
private beachfront cottages with outdoor
showers and an out-of-this-world setting. Waikoloa Beach Marriott Resort
& Spa is a beautifully renovated resort
on Anaeho'omalu Bay, featuring bright,
comfortable rooms.
How to Get There
If you are flying into Hilo from the mainland, check out the new United Airlines
flight, direct from LAX. It's a quick five
and a half hours to paradise.•
SYDNEY
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THE ISLAND OF FLORIANOPOLISIS PARADISEFOR LESBIANS
AND SEAFOOD LOVERS.
BYMERRYNJOHNS
I am embarrassed to admit, though I call
myself an oyster lover, I had no idea that
Brazil boasts some of the best oysters in
the world. I was also completely ignorant of the fact that off the state of Santa
Catarina, Brazil has an island that's the
pearl of the country's oyster production-and far from being just a haven for
the time-honored Portuguese business of
fishing, it is a lovely and LGBT-tolerant
travel destination in and of itself.
The island is called Florian6polis,
or Floripa to the locals, and was last
year's host for the annual convention
of the International Gay & Lesbian
Travel Association. Yes, Floripa bid on
and won the right to host an event
that attracts lesbian and gay travel professionals from all around the world.
Thanks to that event, Florian6polis is
now on my map-and I'm eager to put
it on yours, too. This island, as secret as
it is to North Americans, is no secret to
the rest of Brazil, and offers the essence
of the sophisticated, international lifestyle Brazilians are known for. Oh, and
it has 40-plus beaches and its own lesbian bar, and a good one. More on that
lesbian bar later.
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What to do
Because Floripa has a population of
over 400,000, there is plenty to keep a
girl occupied. This is a place immersed
in Portuguese tradition and culture,
including a history of colonialism-not
to mention that Brazilian appetite for the
good life. At the heart of historic Flori pa
and at its modern center is market life,
where colonial architecture coexists with
modern buildings and tourists and locals
rub shoulders looking for a find. Of all
the treasures you'll trip over here, none
is better, in my opinion, than those from
the ocean. Pinch your nose and brave the
fish markets. Gawk at whole fish the size
of mammals and storefronts festooned
with Portuguese charcuterie. Forget the
exorbitant prices we pay for oysters and
imagine going home with a bucket of
lovely crustaceans for around $10. Too
tired to shuck? Just cook the oysters the
Portuguese way, by simmering them in a
smidgen of water until they open. More
on oysters later.
Costa da Lagoa, with its beautiful
lagoon, Lagoa da Conceic;ao, is a rustic
and charming destination, where you
can indulge in the local seafood. The
restaurants on the waterfront are mostly
small, run by the local fishermen and
their families. After you've sampled the
abundant fruits of the sea, seek out one
of the many beaches. Joaquina Beach
offers sandboarding down its considerably steep dunes. This is an absolute
thrill (if you don't mind a little grit in
your teeth). For something literally more
laid back, leave your modest bathing
suit (and your insecurities) at home and
do as the Brazilians do: Stroll along the
shore flaunting what you've got. Pick up
a pair of Havaianas for about half the
price you'd pay in American malls and
you're all set. The beaches here are many
and varied, some offering surf, while others are placid and perfect for wading. Still
others are hidden behind sand dunes and
inlets, opportune places to go topless.
An island off an island
There is possibly no more romantic a
geographical destination, and one that
more embodies privacy, than an island
off an island. Ihla do Papagaio, or Parrot
Island, is a haven studded with elegantly
decorated cabins and surrounded by
unusual subtropical forests and rocky
outcrops. "Parrot"refers not to a local
exotic bird population but to the shape
of the island as seen from the air. There
are, however, many varieties of native
birds and other fauna on the island,
which you'll discover during your stay.
IHLA DO PAPAGAIO,
OR PARROTISLAND,
IS A HAVEN STUDDED
WITH ELEGANTLY
DECORATEDCABINS
AND SURROUNDED
BY UNUSUAL
SUBTROPICAL
FORESTSAND ROCKY
OUTCROPS.
rdff>IOOW
Papagaio (papagaio.com.br) is like no
other place I have been. It feels both
hidden and civilized, tropical but not too
humid, and it's surrounded by a pure
and placid part of the Atlantic. It offers
nothing much to do except hike to the
top and take in the panoramic view, or
clamber over the rocky shore in search
of saucer-size sand dollars. Or you can
simply pass the time by relaxing at the
charming waterfront bar and restaurant.
And back to those oysters: While the
kitchen serves a menu featuring local and
international recipes made with fresh
ingredients, you cannot beat a platter
of the local shellfish, which are culled
straight from the surrounding waters.
These little beauties are creamy and
briny, and I think I consumed a couple
dozen in one sitting. Although after the
potent Caipirinhas-that cachac;areally
packs a punch-it's hard to be sure. After
a lunch like this, you can either nap in
your personal hammock or kayak in
MARTA'S5 FLORIANOPOLISMUST-DOS
Marta Dalla Chiesa, an out lesbian and a Flori pa local, runs a
travel and tour company called Brazil Ecojourneys with her
long-term partner, Lesley Cushing. They are the go-to southern
Brazil specialists, if you want an itinerary tailored to your
lesbian taste. Here are Marta's recommendations.
1. Hike
to
Naufragados Beach
(a protected beach
accessible only by
boat or on foot). On
the way back, stop
for local oysters at the
old Azorean village of
Ribeirao da llha while
you watch the sun set.
2. People Watch
at
Praia Mole Beach.
This is the gay beach
of Florian6polis -or
at least a section of
it is. Head to the left
and drop your towel
in front of Deca's Bar.
Keep walking if you
feel like skinny-dipping
at Galheta Beach.
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2013
3.
Dine at Bistro
Isadora Duncan.
After Praia Mole,
enjoy a romantic
dinner at this gayowned restaurant,
which overlooks the
beautiful Lagoa da
Conceic;;ao, one of
the island's major
lagoons. If you drink
too much, stay
overnight-they
have a penthouse
suite for rent above
the bistro.
'1. Go for
an Outdoor
Adventure. Floripa
specializes in outdoor activity, so
why not learn to
surf, or sandboard
the sugar-fine
dunes. You can also
sail, canoe, kite surf,
or hike, all within
easy proximity.
3. Samba at
Caravana. On
Saturdays and
Sundays, enjoy an
early evening of
samba, the signature
rhythmic Brazilian
dance with African
roots at your lesbian
bar. A very sexy thing
to do while watching
the sun set over
the lagoon. (brazilecojourneys com)
clrck
away
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the pleasantly shallow waters off the
private beach. Dinner is a very festive
affair at which the restaurant manager,
if you're lucky, comes out dressed in full
drag. Later, the restaurant turns into a
disco, so you can dance all night.
The full Brazilian
And now for that lesbian bar. Caravana Fusion Food e Trailer is a lesbian
establishment that is part indoors,
part outdoors, serves excellent drinks
and good food, and has the very relaxing atmosphere of a trailer park. Open
daily in the summer, and then Wednesdays through Sundays all year round,
Caravana is lesbian-owned, has live
music most days, and unites lesbians
of all stripes in a fun environment. It's
a good thing this bar is up to snuff, because it's the only openly lesbian bar in
Floripa. If you're on your way back from
the beautiful Praia Mole Beach, this is a
great option for happy hour and people
watching. And single lesbian travelers might just get lucky. (Avenida <las
Rendeiras, 1672, Lagoa da Concei9ao)
When to go
Florian6polis has a comfortable seaside climate, and the subtropical vegetation seems to whisper relax. But
Floripa does not exude the crushing
humidity you'll find on many subcontinental incarnations of paradise: It
actually experiences four seasons, with
a mild winter that occasionally sees a
frost, but nothing more. If you really
want to swim and play the beach bum,
summer is best-think anytime from
Christmas to Carnaval in February.
But if you want to meet amazing and
liberated women, go for Pride Week,
the first week in September. •
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TLOOKtSTARS
W////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Take No Prisoners
It's time to plan our personal revolutions for the new year.
BY CHARLENE LICHTENSTEIN
(Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Because Capricorn is the
ruler of the tenth house
of long-term career
and one's status in the
community, Capricorn
dykes are happiest in
careers that afford them
power and influence
These gals start at the
bottom of the corporate
ladder in the sub
basement passing out
mail and serving coffee.
Through hard work,
patience, raw talent,
political acumen and
a dogged attitude
to succeed, she can
eventually rule the roost
AQUARIUS
(Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Sapphic Aquarians have
a very simple and logical
attitude toward finances
What is the value of
money other than a way
to get things done? The
revolution, after all, must
be funded. Aqueerian
gals don't tend to stock
up on dust-collecting
tchotchkes or highpriced status consumer
items. (We leave that to
the Leos) They also don't
tend to perniciously
stockpile for the
inevitable apocalypse;
that's Virgo territory
80
CURVE
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
Make inroads into your
executive suite this winter with
careful, calculating maneuvers.
Go for the top job in anything
you pursue and, once having
attained power, wield it for
necessary change. Gal pals and
girlfriends with power give you
a helping hand, but know when
to relax and enjoy life too.
Health is highlighted this winter
and that means that proud
Lionesses need to ratchet up
the exercise and attend to a
stricter diet regimen. If you can
tone your bod, it will pay off in
dividends with partners and
other admirers. Remember, it is
never too early to prepare for
swimsuit season.
A fool and her money are soon
parted ...or is that partied?
Money figures prominently
in your life this winter. Use
your gotten gains to make
your life immeasurably more
comfortable. You have been
so fiscally careful recently that
you might have forgotten how
much fun you can buy.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
You hanker to escape to
parts known to explore parts
unknown with a certain lovely
lady. So far, so good, Taurus.
And yet, at a certain point, your
career beckons and you will
have to divert your attention
there. Think philosophicallythe more money you make,
the grander the vacation. Keep
that in mind as you burn the
midnight oil.
Not only are you much more
productive this winter, you can
also find unique and creative
solutions to any mundane and
seemingly intractable problem.
Roll up your sleeves and get
to work, Virgo. You can clear
off your desk by either doing it
yourself or craftily delegating.
Then you can relax and just
have fun!
There is no one more important
than you this winter, Cap.
And that is because you have
an extra dose of oomph and
charisma to spread around.
When you've got it, flaunt it. Use
all you've got to meet important
ladies who can help you launch
new projects. Expand your
social circle into a globe.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23)
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Powerful and well-endowed
lovergrrls like who they see and
gravitate into your orbit. Will
you allow them to enter your
atmosphere or will you enter
theirs, Gemini? Anything is
possible this winter if you can
get out of your comfort zone.
So resolve to expand your usual
galaxy of stars.
After a busy holiday party
season, your home is your
quiet refuge so try to spruce it
up with a few new flourishes.
Redecorate, renovate or
detonate, Libra. Then don't
be surprised if your new digs
attract a few admirers. Plan for
some homey, seductive and
relaxing tete-a-tetes all through
the winter!
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Make a New Year's resolution
to improve any one-to-one
relationships. It may just be that
it lacks spontaneity. Or maybe
it needs some other type of
oomph to stir her embers. For
those Cancer Crabs who are
currently clam digging, steam
them open by turning up the
heat. Or get into a little hot
water with a few new catches.
Ask and you shall receive. Make
the right moves and you will
receive even more. The world
is your oyster all through the
winter. Slurp it up. Scorpios
find many ways of effectively
communicating now, that will
not only make them feel more
confident and secure, but
also more sexy and seductive.
Watch out world.
There is a lot going on behind
the scenes that could change
your life. Not only do you
have a few secret admirers,
you also have a sixth sense
that enables you to grab the
advantage in any public arena.
This is no time to blend into
the background and observe,
although it is tempting to do so.
It is time to move mountains.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
Resolve to extend your social
reach and make many new gal
pals this winter. This can be
easily achieved by expanding
the range of your usual
activities. Get more involved in
groups-head up a committee,
join a club or just meander
around and get out and about.
You need to clear out the
cobweb~getoutofanyrutand
get into mischief.•
w
f<(
(.'.)
CJ)
z
0
_J
w..
0
>CJ)
w
f-
"'
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthorof HerScopes:
A Guide
to Astrology
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-tinyur!.com/HerScopes.
::,
0
u
Nowavailable
asanebook.
2013
THE NAME YOU TRUST
FOR MEETING LESBIAN
SINGLES ONLINE
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for you!
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e//o, Weu
success st' Youhav
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Thanks agam.
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