-
Description
-
ToC Family Values by Elizabeth Estochen (p36); Life on a String by Merryn Johns (p38); Our Lesbian Elders by Victoria A. Brownworth (p46); Scouts Dishonor by Victoria A. Brownworth (54): A Woman's Best Friend by Jenny Block (p58); Outstanding Orlando by Merryn Johns (p68); Cover: Fantasy Girls [Zoie Palmer and Anna Silk of Lost Girl] by Rachel Shatto (p72); Cover Photo by Matt Barnes/Courtesy of Prodigy Pictures/Showcase.
See all items with this value
-
issue
-
3
-
Date Issued
-
April 2013
-
Format
-
PDF/A
-
Publisher
-
Frances Stevens
-
Identifier
-
Curve_Vol23_No3_April-2013_OCR_PDFa.pdf
-
extracted text
-
o
74470
80539
7
CURVE JUST
GOT COOLER.
VIDEO+ANIMATION+
ADVANCED NAVIGATION ...
YOU'LL WANT TO TOUCH.
APRIL
2013
COVER PHOTO BY MATT BARNES/COURTESY
OF PRODIGY PICTURES/
SHOWCASE
APRIL
2013
CURVE
1
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////2
IN EVERYISSUE
6
EDITOR'S NOTE
8
FEEDBACK
9
CURVETTES
10
THE GAYDAR
28
SCENE
80
STARS
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 THIS IS WHAT A
LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE
29
Jamaican music sensation
Kat C.H.R.
12
PET GIFT GUIDE
Cute concepts for four-legged
family and the people that
love them.
14
HOT TEE
15
HEALTH
An at-home conception
device puts the sexy back in
baby-making.
By Molly Williams
33
BOOKS
17
SHE SAID
Georgiou
VIEWS
STYLE
18
40
OUT IN FRONT
POLITICS
Remembering two pioneering women who changed the
course of lesbian lives.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
22
TWO OF US
Our monthly profile of lesbian
couples who live, love and
work together.
24
2013
FILM
Shelly Doty makes cinematic
history with her new fulllength animated feature
film, Strange Frame.
LESBOFILE
across the country.
APRIL
31
16
20
CURVE
MUSIC
Jill-of-all-trades Maia Sharp is
a guitar-toting, genre-defying
musician and must-add to
your playlist. By Steph Castor
Meet the author behind a
chilling fantasy novel about
mama drama. By Ellen
18 IN CASE YOU
MISSED IT... News from
2
12
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
WILD AT HEART
Tomboy couture continues
with new fashion label
Wildfang, featuring some of
our favorite celesbians as
models. By Molly Williams
78 DINING AT THE
DALLOWAY
The lesbian glitterati have
transformed New York City's
lesbian nightlife into a scene
worthy of a supermodel and
her pals. By Jillian Eugenios
CALVIN KLEIN JEANS
THE COLLECTOR'S JACKET
Jean jacket. 89.50.
V-neck tee. 29.50.
Cropped jeans.
69.50. All for misses.
MACY'S BY APPOINTMENT
Contact Linda Lee & her
personal shoppers for our free
service. Make an appointment
today. Call 1-800-343-0121 or
log on to macys.com/mba
ESTAR*
CAN PUT IT ALL TOGETHER
cci
CV)
0
0
N
0
CV)
e!
0
t,
>,
...0
ccu
>
>,
cu
E
C
0
"-B
(J)
Q)
Cf)
~
C
cu
Cf)
-»
u
cu
~
ro
u
__Q
:S
0
>,
+--'
cu
~
(J)
·;::
ro
u
(J)
...0
0C
>,
cu
E
(J)
Cf)
i5
C
cu
...c
~
(J)
E
~
(J)
Cf)
·-e
(J)
>
~
1
the magic of
*
rl199t~
Curve's online selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
I
MARRIED
IN MAINE
Maine celebrated
the legalization of
same-sex marriage
on Dec. 29, 2012.
CAPTURINGLOVE:
THE ART OF SAME-SEX
WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHY
And we celebrate the
passage of this law
When it comes to engagement and wedding portraits,
with portraits of the
what works for straight couples might not work for you. A
first gay weddings
new guide to same-sex wedding photography will inspire
you with its showcase of 46 same-sex couples sharing their
that took place in
special days in unique, authentic and intimate images.
Portland courtesy
Become inspired to work on your own dream wedding.
of HooplaHa.com, a
website that reports
ACTIVISM GETS
A PUNCHLINE
Donlletthejokesfoolyou.
While comic Belinda Carroll is
happy making you laugh, she
is just as motivated to make
you think. An activist since her
teens, Carroll shares with us
how she has been serving her
community for more than
two decades.
4
CURVE
APRIL
2013
on life with a smile.
CASTING CALL:
LESBIANSEX 101
Participate in critically
acclaimed lesbian sex and
sexuality author Jude Schell's
highly charged, featurelength, sexy, sophisticated
and provocative erotic digital
multimedia project that
celebrates female sexuality.
Diverse couples, friends and
singles, of all body types and
comfortable with on-camera
nudity and lesbian sex are
encouraged to apply.
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
CurvePlus
amily matters are often complex for lesbians. Every step
along the way-from coming out to conception-can be
fraught with disappointment and discrimination. But what
we lack in visibility, acceptance or legal protection, we often
make up for in love. Many of us are lucky enough to have a
strong and supportive chosen family; some of us are well down the
path of creating our own blended or biological families; even more of
us are content with a four-legged family.
This is our Family issue and in it we chose to celebrate several
generations, including an often overlooked but growing group,
lesbian elders. We all need to work toward comfort and community
for them-after all, what we want for ourselves is what we should want
for one another.
I'd also like to take a moment
to thank my work family. The
Curve team and its readers give
me so much joy each month
that it's hard for me to imagine
experiencing the passage of
time in any other context. And
with each issue of our magazine
we hope to make you feel like
family, too.
This month, we have
exciting news: Our publisher,
Silke Bader, has announced the
launch of Curve+, a luxe digital
edition of your favorite lesbian
magazine. It's now available to
download as a single issue or as
a subscription through iTunes, Nook, Kindle or Google Plus.
"While we are committed to deliver Curve as a print publication, we
are also excited to launch Curve+, offering greater content discoverability, innovative reading experiences and high-impact advertising
on leading tablet devices that get consumers more deeply engaged;'
says Silke.
I was thrilled after I test-drove Curve+. It's everything I love about
our magazine with cool additional elements such as interactive buttons,
advanced navigation, embedded videos, live links, animation and
more. On behalf of Silke and the Curve family, I'm delighted and very
proud to give you a little something extra to enhance your lesbian
lifestyle and give lesbians everywhere a place on the frontlines of the
digital revolution.
F
~~
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
6
CURVE
APRIL
2013
APRIL
2013
LESBIAN
» VOLUME
MAGAZINE
23 NUMBER
3
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGING EDITOR Rachel Shatto
BOOK REVIEWEDITOR Rachel Pepper
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Jillian Eugenics, Sheryl Kay, Jess McAvoy,
Stephanie Schroeder
EDITORIALASSISTANTS Elizabeth Estochen, Rekara Gage,
Liz Nguyen, Molly Williams
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
EASTCOAST SALES
Robin Perron (910) 795-0907,
robin@curvemagazine.com
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
BUSINESSDEVELOPMENT
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Stefanie Liang
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam L.
Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Traci
Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Jill Goldstein, Lisa Gunther,
Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman, Charlene
Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey, Jess
McAvoy, Ariel Messman-Rucker, Emelina Minero, Laurie
K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson,
Allison Steinberg, Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull,
Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD
Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes, Syd London, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE (415) 871-0569
FAX (510) 380-7487
ADVERTISINGSALES(415) 692-5420
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070
(toll-free in
us only)
(818) 286-3102 (outside US)
ADVERTISINGEMAIL advertising@curvemag.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 23 Issue 3 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published
monthly (except for bimonthly January/February
and July/
August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034.
Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds
only) and $89.95 international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks
will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid
at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices
(USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be
reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name
or photograph
of any persons or organizations
appearing,
advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication
of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless
specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited
manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any
representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions
cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope
is included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages.
The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions of the
editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly.
Subscription Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC.,
PO Box 467 New York NY 10034, email crvcs@magserv.com.
Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster: Send
Canadian address changes to crvcs@magserv.com, Curve, PO
Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8. Send U.S. address changes to
crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,
CA 91615-7138. Printed in the U.S.
curve mag.com
pandoraevents jetBlue·
DESIGN BY: MARIA ESPINAL 305.776.6901
curve
~andcc
r~c~cnts
~~OOJshe
MAGAZINE
DAMR8N
BETSY
POST
ON
FACEBOOK!
Thebestcomment
posted
each
month
could
winyouafree
digital
subscription!
Huh Her ["Uh Huh Heartbreak;' Vol. 23#2] ! I'm a
longtime fan of the group
and can't wait to see what's
in store for these incredibly
talented ladies. Please keep
up the great work following
their relationship and career,
... ya'll are the best at it. Oh,
and if you ever have the
chance to see them live ...
Go! They are awesome.
-Lauren T. Cox, Fort
Smith, Ariz.
Thanks For the Memories
Jen for the Win
I have been reading Curve
since I was a 17-year-old,
in-the-closet, Midwest high
school student. Eleven years
later, I realize how important your magazine is for
our community. Thank you.
-Maria Pearson,
Rocliford, Ill.
I wanted to thank Curve for
showcasing the beautiful
and talented Jen Foster
["Fostering Success," Vol.
22#10]. Jen is a rising star
and this editorial really
catapulted her to the next
level.-Morgan, Woodland
Hills, Calif.
Uh Huh, Yes!
It's a Girl's World
Thank you so much for your
awesome interview with Uh
You and your editorial team
are doing a great job with
WHAT
DOES
YOUR
FAMILY
LOOK
LIKE?
5%
Other
It's my partner and I and
our blended family
12%
It's my partner and
I and our kids
12%
It's me, my parents
and/or siblings
14%
It's my partner and I
Curve magazine,
WRITE
LISIPO Box 467,
New York, NY 10034
Send to:
Email: letters@curvemagazine.com
Fax: 510.380.7487
Online: curvemag.com/letters
8
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Beautiful Butches
Thank you, thank you for
finally giving butches some
sustained fashion editorial.
It makes me feel so good to
see hot butches wearing hot
clothing. Way to go, keep it
coming! -Cole J.,
Jersey City, N. J.
Slipped our Minds
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
6%
Curve. Thank you for rescuing this cherished lesbian
publication from extinction.
I love the upbeat tone and
breadth of coverage. The
only feedback I'd like to
provide is the over-reliance
on travel articles featured
in each issue. With so much
going on worldwide that is
impacting LGBT politics,
lifestyles, entertainment,
etc., it would be nice to
see additional coverage
on some of these stories.
It would make an already
excellent magazine even
better! -Olga Gikas,
Jacksonville, Fla.
I was disappointed with
the Lube Job article
[Vol. 23#1] As a former
upscale women's sex store
employee, Hathor Pure
was left off the organiccentric list! Hathor is a
great product and is also a
women-owned business.
I'd also like to see a smidge
more education around
different types oflube and
the chemicals. Thank you
Curve for being an awesome
lesbian magazine. Yay!
-Haley, Charlotte, N.C.
Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/customerservice.
✓
subscribe
renew
✓ pay your bill
✓
✓
✓
get missing issues
change address
✓ give a gift
Posts from our
Facebook fans
facebook.com/curvemag
I LOVELOVELOVEthat y'all
have MeganRapinoeon the
cover of the new issue. I am
a hugefan of hers and the
rest of the USWNT!!I cannot
wait to get this at Hastings!
They better have it. Thanks
Again!-Kristi Padilla
I LOVEMEGAN.SHE'SSO
CUTE!!!!-Ro Romi
Thankyou Curve for
FINALLYshowingthe
girl some love! I've been
beggingfor this for 3
years!!!And I loves me
some Pinoe!-Vickie Smith
YEESS!!!-JozieJatczak
Mm hmm!Loveher!
-Sarah Stout
Got my dude in the mail
today! -Patty Reagan
I finally got my first issue of
the mag. I am in HEAVEN!!!!!!
-Debi Ne/lessen
POST
OF
THE
MONTH
A while ago my partner
Kathy, who was battling
lung cancer, and I had
our picture on your page
when you were posting
photos of families.
Sadly, on the 16th of
January, with the help
of hospice, she passed
away peacefully. My
daughter and I, among
many who loved her, are
devastated by the loss,
but I wanted to thank
all of the people who
posted kind words and
prayers for us.
-Shari McGinnesHeath
CORRECTION
The URLfor Wild Women
Expeditions[Vol.23#2] is
wildwomenexpeditions.com.
REKARAGAGE
MOLLY WILLIAMS
STEPHCASTOR
SYD LONDON
Editorial assistant Rekara Gage
is a writer who spends her free
time working on a debut novel
and any other writing projects
that she can get her hands on.
Before joining the Curve team
she interned with Black Dance
Magazine and a variety of small
and large press publishers.
In 2009, she received a gold
medal in poetry at the national
ACT-SO competition sponsored
by the NAACP. Follow her on
Twitter @R3kara and check out
her exclusive interview with
rising indie rocker Kat C.H.R,
on being out in Jamaica and
touring the country on page 11.
Editorial assistant Molly
Williams is an avid writer
who, when she's not stalking
the fashion biogs, is plotting
her Hollywood takeover and
working on her novel, a story
about gender and sexuality
in the South. Currently up to
her neck in Chicago snow,
she's relocating this spring
to chase the dream in sunny
Los Angeles. Tune in to her
on Twitter, @Pens_n_lnk,to
follow her journey. In this issue
Molly channels her passion for
fashion with an interview with
the minds behind Wildfang on
page 40.
Steph is a freelance writer,
poet and musician currently
residing in Lawrence, Kan.
Originally a performance
artist, she attended Columbia
College Chicago as well as
the University of Kansas for
Creative Writing, having
workshopped with artists
such as Andrea Gibson and
Kate Bornstein. Along with
Curve, she currently writes
for various music sites
including GuitarWorld.com
and RevolverMag.com. She
began playing guitar at age
eleven and is the guitarist for
the up-and-coming queer and
all-female indie rock group,
Grenadina. She enjoys indie
music, Mack Amplifiers, Fender
guitars, hip-hop, vegan food
and a tasty glass of lemonade.
Syd holds a deep reverence
for the potential power of
the photographic image.
Her passion is storytelling of
subcultures that are often
ignored, misunderstood or
mis-portrayed. The experiences
of being queer in New York
City and how it intersects with
homelessness, the shelter
system, public healthcare,
disability, organizing and the
performing arts have been the
subject of Syd's ongoing photo
documentary since 2007. A
portion was featured in A New
Queer Agenda, published by
Barnard Center for Research
on Women in 2012. Recently
Syd's photographs of Hurricane
Sandy's aftermath were
accepted into the NY Photo
Festival's exhibit "SANDY:
Devastation, Document, Drive."
APRIL
2013
CURVE
9
DS
p
I THEGAVDAR
~W1,~ITakes one
~
~
I
to know one? Let our gaydar help
you decide who's hot who's not who's
shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
BY RACHEL SHATTO
~
WTF! Both Lip Service and The
Real L Word get the axe. Where are
we supposed to get our glamorous
dyke drama fix now?
President Obama officially earns lesbro status with
his shout out to his "gay brothers and sisters" in his
inauguration speech and by pledging to include
same-sex couples in immigration reform
Whitney Houston
may have sounded
like an angel, but her
mother discussing her
daughter's rumored
bisexuality with Oprah
is like fingernails on a
chalkboard
Geek goddess
Felicia Day reprises
her role as Charlie
the lesbian hacker
on Supernatural and
kicks butt, makes
LARPing cool and
even gets the girl in
the end-huzzah!
Jodie Foster brings
down the house
at the 70th Annual
Golden Globes
with a coming out
speech which was
more about privacy
and career change.
Close enough!
Artist Bronwyn
Lundberg puts a
dykey spin on The
Last Supper with
her parody portrait
featuring Ellen
DeGeneres, Wanda
Sykes and Rachel
Maddow ...talk about
your fantasy A-list
dinner party
Gaybies everywhere! Chely
Wright and Lauren Blitzer
announce they are expecting
twins, and Rosie O'Donnell
and Michelle Rounds adopt a
beautiful baby girl
Our forever crush (seriously, since
the '90s) and American Horror Story:
Asylum star Clea Duvall is spotted
smooching a lucky brunette in a
romantic park rendezvous in L.A.
10
CURVE
Tegan and Sara drop some
hilarious and adorkable
"how to be a heartthrob"
knowledge on Andy
Samberg that has the SNL
star alternately channeling
Madonna, Joey McIntire
and Cyndi Lauper
APRIL
2013
Step aside Dave
Letterman! Foxy blonde
Heidi Hamilton is
bringing her Sapphic
sass to late night TV via
LOGO's That Sex Show
Autostraddle's queer paper
dolls, featuring lesbian
fashion icons Beth Ditto and
Jenna Lyons by artist Rosa
Middleton, blow us away!
Guess how many seconds it
took before we started making all our dolls kiss
Who says the islands can't
rock? Edgy, out and proud
Jamaican Kat C.H.R is ready to
shake up the indie music world.
ON BEINGOUTIN JAMAICA:You don't go
to the international airport with a rainbow
flag and say, "I'm here" but it wasn't that
bad for me ...it wasn't great...but Jamaica
is a beautiful island and I'm proud to say
that I'm from there. And Jamaica loves me
still! That's the thing. They don't even know
why they're homophobic. Homophobia
is damn near embedded in Jamaican
culture. But what I want to know is how so
much hate can come from a country that
birthed reggae music and the message of
"one love." I love Jamaica and Jamaica has
shown me lots of love.
ON HERGROWINGAUDIENCE:It's great. I
never thought people would come out to
hear me. And they come in crowds and
they're mostly women. Coming to see me,
making the style of music that I do. And I
look at myself and see that it's really not
about the fame and everything else. It's
the people, the music, the connection and
energy of it all. I love it. It's humbling and
overwhelming to be a part of, but good or
bad, it's so worth it. I never really wanted
to be ...commercial. I just want to make my
music and live; live good. I recently did
a 10 city tour with Mckenzie Eddy, Sean
O'Connell and Cranford and Sons called
The Southern Stomp Tour. I worked with
Damon Dash's media collective company
dd172 for the past year.
ON THEFUTURE:I'll always be writing and
playing, touring. I've been touring to a
lot of different places, New York, South
Carolina, Texas, Miami, Mississippi twice.
Love Cake is my album, it's all about this
amazing girl named Sade. It's an EPthat
people can download. I wrote all the songs
and played guitar. I work with Jovi and
Diana King a lot and there's more coming
from there. -Rekara Gage
NDstGIFT
GUIDE
Climate Control
Nest Above
the Rest
This plush palace goes
from pillowy mat to
cozy nest thanks to its
drawstring and comes in
so many color combos
and patterns it can
blend in beautifully
in any home. ($50,
theuncommondog.com)
This portable temperature
alarm will notify you via
text message should the
temperature in any locationfor example your car or
RV-get too hot or cold for
your furry co-pilot's comfort.
($170, animalarm.co.uk)
Sassy Scratcher
Plush Pet
Double your snuggle time with a custom
silkscreen throw pillow from Broderpress.
Simply send a full body shot of your furry
friend to artist Shannon Broder and in no
time your fuzzy buddy will have a plushy
twin. ($75, shannonbroder.etsy.com)
Put your cat on the pedestal
(they know) they deserve with
the Cattino. This adorable spin
on the cat scratch pole and
hammock features a sleek and
cheeky design so you don't
have to compromise kitty's
comfort or your aesthetic.
($150, cattino.etsy.com)
Purr-feet Print
As any cat lover knows, you can
set the alarm for any time you
like, but be guaranteed you'll
be getting up at kitty o'clock.
Oh, Dear Molly celebrates this
feline fact in her charming purr
function poster.
($13, ohdearmolly.etsy.com)
Dashing Doggy
Give dapper dogs the designer
duds they deserve with a bow
tie collar and matching leash
from Silly Buddy. ($40 and up,
sillybuddy.etsy.com)
Slow Food
Your dog may enjoy scarfing
down his meals in record
time, but it's unhealthy for
his tummy. The Green Slow
Feeder's unique design
changes that by turning
mealtime into playtime and
slows speedy eaters.
($43, amazon.com)
12
CURVE
APRIL
2013
ivALARt
HAS
APURR
FUNCTION~
Cutie-pie Coordination
Keep all your kiddos looking their
finest in complementary dog and
baby onesies from Babawowo.
($40, babawowo.etsy.com)
Call Him Squishy!
Give your guppy an upgrade with Jellyfish
Art's Desktop Jellyfish Kit. Customize with a
variety of jellyfish, snails, hermit crabs and
damselfish. Plus, color changing LEDs
turn the tank into a rainbow light show.
($285 and up, jellyfishart.com)
Foxy Footwear
Animal lovers will go gaga for Em &
Sprout's delightful handmade foxfaced Mary Janes. Can you blame
them? $28, emandsprout.etsy.com)
15 must-haves for pets and the people who love them.
KumfyKoat
Available in a variety
of colors, this mesh
harness features a
pocket to hold a cooling
gel pack that sits next
to your puppy's chest,
the place where they
exchange the most
heat. Plus, the gel pack
can be warmed up for
cold weather.
($44, kumfytailz.com)
ev RACHEL sHAno
Bub love
What better way to start your day than with a cuppa
depicting the Internet's "most amazing creature on
the planet," Lil Bub? This sassy lassie will steal your
heart one latte at a time. Just look at that precious
face! ($9, store.lilbub.com)
Fine Dining
Mio Cat Bowl is made from
thermoplastic resin and
mirror polished stainless
steel, and the lid, which
features an adorable
kitten, closes the bowl
to protect the food and
prevent overeating.
($52, yliving.com)
Kitty Couture
Get a feline
leg up with
Modcloth's Tabby
leggings. These
are an adorkable
addition to
any cat lover's
wardrobe. ($30,
modcloth.com)
Do-Goodies
At the rate that our little furry
friends go through their favorite
toys, Honest Pet Products is an
eco-friendly, sustainable, organic
and ultra-durable way to spoil your
fur babies, guilt-free. ($8 and up,
honestpetproducts.com)
APRIL
2013
CURVE
13
NDS/
HOT PICKS
OT TEE
OF THE MONTH
Little Figs specializes in making handscreen printed and environmentally
friendly tees for tolerant tykes! And
they're cute as a button to boot.
$18 and up, litt/efigs.com
14
CURVE
APRIL
2013
TRENDS/
HOT PIC
Starter Kit
Baby-making just got intimate.
et's be honest: There's just
nothing sexy or spontaneous about the lesbian babymaking process-ovulation
calendars, sterile doctor's
offices, go-degree leg positioning and,
no matter how many candles you light,
a turkey baster is still a turkey baster.
Well, Stephanie Berman has made it
so that you never have to look at that
turkey baster sideways again.
The Semenette is the first high-end
product of its kind that's intended for
home insemination. It's a strap-on,
user-friendly dildo that has been specially engineered to ejaculate sperm-a
product that family-oriented lesbians have been begging for, for years.
So much more than just an upgraded
Thanksgiving utensil, the Semenette
is a realistic-looking, modestly sized
dildo with special tubing running
through the middle that deposits sperm
to the cervix with a few squeezes of its
removable outer pump.
Because creating a high quality product was of the highest importance to
Berman, the Semenette is made from
medical-grade, toxin-free silicone, and
in designing it she has used all her
personal and professional experience
with same-sex insemination efforts.
Berman is the owner of a women's
health clinic, and her inspiration to
make the Semenette came from her
clients' desire for a more intimate
gayby-making experience, as well as
her own imperfect attempts at impregnating her wife.
"The first time we tried [home insemination], it was literally like a
National Geographic experience," she
laughs. "Not one thing was romantic
about it, even though we tried really
hard to make it so. We also tried bringing my wife to the doctor's office, but
everything there revolved around
her, and, even as her partner, I felt
L
ev vANA TALLoN-H1cKs
like the odd man out:'
While sperm banks and doctors'
visits work for some women, many
find this process to be invasive, expensive and emotionally sterile. Not only
can insemination at home save you
thousands of dollars, but it has an
almost identical success rate (5-25
percent) as a pricey trip to your M.D.
Though the Semenette may not render
your doctor completely useless (Berman
cautions, "This isn't a medical device,
this is a toy that mimics intercourse
and ejaculation:'), it provides an affordable first stop on the often-long lesbian
road to pregnancy.
Though the Semenette is practical,
Berman says her strongest motivation
in creating it was to increase the level
of intimacy between same-sex partners who are trying to conceive. "The
Semenette allows both partners to be
involved, and gives same-sex couples
the same ability that heterosexual couples have. Using the Semenette feels
more authentic, in a sense, because
the nonconceiving partner actually
gets to feel like they're making a baby
and actually getting their partner
pregnant. The Semenette provides a
level of intimacy that's on your terms,
and I feel like this is what most samesex couples want-to feel like this is
your baby, whom you've created, not
the popsicle the doctor inseminated
at the office. There's nothing like this
on the market.
"I think, in general, sex toys as well
as same-sex partners having families
have been taboo topics;' says Berman.
"But now our president is supporting
gay rights, and there are TV shows
that are highlighting same-sex families, so there's a shift in acceptance. I
don't think people have thought there
was a need for this, and the way I see it
is that I saw a problem and created a
solution." (thesemenette.com) •
''
THt~IRST
TIMt
Wtrn1rn
[HOMt
INStMINATION
ITWAS
llTtRAllY
llKtANATIONAl
GtOGRAPHIC
tXPtRltNCt.
''
APRIL
2013
CURVE
15
NDstGOSSIP
Cori and Kacy
Boccumini
II LESBOFILE
II
A TV legend comes out, Buckwild goes bisexual
and what's next for Lisbeth Salander?
BY JOCELYN
~
voo
Fame to Family
We're sure we're not alone in rooting
for Kacy and Cori Boccumini, the Real
L Word lesbian couple who shared their
struggles in starting a family. When
Cori was pregnant during season two,
we're sure there were congratulations
emanating from all corners of the lesbian universe. Then, when they lost
their daughter Charlie five months in,
our hearts broke collectively.
Then earlier this year, hope resurged:
Cori's pregnant!
And just four and a half months
after that, history repeats itself.
"We have said before that we are in
this for the long haul. That we will have
a family no matter the cost-whatever
it takes;' writes Kacy on their blog.
And we'll be here pulling for them
the whole way through.
Second Career
Before there was LiLo, there was Erin
Moran, known to many as Joanie Cunningham during her Happy Days years.
Like LiLo, Moran also has her share of
tabloid headlines- most recently over
a domestic dispute with her mother-inlaw, followed by rumors of an eviction
16
CURVE
APRIL
2013
thanks to her hard-partying ways.
But that may just be the tip of
the iceberg, because now the National
Enquirer reports that the former
child star wants out of her marriage to
start over again-with a woman.
"Erin was blabbing to everyone
about how tired she was of Steve riding
her coattails and how she just wanted
to run away and fall in love with a
woman," claims a source.
Should we just start calling her
ErMonow?
Mo', Mo' Mara
Bigger stardom typically means a bigger paycheck for the actor. But in the
casting for the sequel to The Girl with
the Dragon Tattoo, the biggest payout
is for all the Rooney Mara-obsessed
fans (read: us) out there.
With lead actor Daniel Craig's A-list
power coming into play, Sony Pictures
is having a tough time justifying his
demands.
Probable speculation is that they
may write his character out of the sequel
entirely and focus primarily on Lisbeth
Salander instead.
Be still our hearts.
Two Ways
Every time MTV decides to retire one
of their addictively train wreck moneymaker reality shows, they end up
replacing it with an equally (if not
more) appallingly WTF show-Buckwild being its latest creation. In true
fashion, one of the cast members,
Cara Parrish, recently made waves
when full-frontal nude modeling (er,
"modeling"?) photos surfaced and
were plastered all over the Internet.
But boys beware-turns out this lady
swings both ways.
"People think that girls aren't really
bisexual or lesbian, that they do it for
attention. That really bothers me a lot;'
she told MTV. "For somebody to try to
tell me that a relationship I spent years
of my life in ...I did that for attention ...
it's one of the worst feelings."
For all that we like to crack wise,
it's a solid point.•
TRENDS/SHE
"They're fucking funny and smart and
sassy so I kind of really enjoy the
relationship I have with them on Twitter ...
and I find them inspiring too. I think that
whenever you make a choice which isn't
easy in life and you decide, I'm going
to make the choice to follow my heart,
however difficult that might be in my life,
and you follow through-I think there's a
certain strength of character, a depth
of emotional awareness.
-Jaime Murray on her
lesbian fans
to AfterEllen
~
~
>-
Cf)
Cf)
w
z
I
('.)
:::,
<(
~
°'
0
0
0
~
0
z
2
w
>-
I
3:
Cf)
~
'.:;
"I'm in favor of acceptance. And I am
a Christian person, and I do love the
Lord, and I feel no matter who you
are, what you believe, how you live
your life, it's not my place to judge ...
It's my place to love and to show
God's love to other people, even
if they don't live a life like I live. So
that's where I'm coming from."
-Carrie Underwood to Allure on
supporting marriage equality
APRIL
2013
s
NDS/
PROFILE
Catherine Marino-Thomas
NewYork» MarriageEquality
When an issue gets under her skin, Catherine
Marino-Thomas says she simply has no choice-she
is
compelled to do something about it. "Sometimes with
consequences-be-damned," she says. So, more than a
decade ago, when her girlfriend Sheila started talking
about getting married-dreaming
of a picture-perfect
wedding, though it could only be symbolic, not recognized as legal-Sheila's fantasy became the catalyst for
I ~~~~~!~!.f~~~t~~i~t~~~~t~~ ~
our gay brothers and sisters are treated like
anyone else under the law-for if we are truly
created equal, then surely the love we commit
to one another must be equal as well."
Marino-Thomas to join the fight for marriage equality.
And she's been there on the front lines ever since.
Marino-Thomas and Sheila were married in
Massachusetts in 2004. For those who wonder why
marriage equality is so important, Marino-Thomas, now
the co-president of the board of directors at Marriage
Equality USA, explains that in essence it is a matter
of civil rights. "The reality is that there are over 1,138
rights, privileges, and obligations that only a civil marriage license can guarantee," she says. "There is simply
no other way to grant these rights to another individual
in exactly the same way with the same level of protection as a marriage license."
Civil unions are not adequate, she says, because no
individual contract, no matter what kind of lawyer you
BEVKEARNEY,
WOMEN'S
track coach for the University
of Texas who has led the team
to six national champ1onsh1ps,
has announced her resIgnatIon
Kearney Is under InvestIgatIon
by the school into an "1nt1mate
consensual relat1onsh1p"she
had with a female studentathlete over a decade ago No
protections exist for sexual
orientation employment
d1scnm1nat1onIn the state of
Texas Kearney was put on leave
In November when the school
began InvestIgatIng
get to draft it, can ensure your right to your partner's
Social Security benefits, or to tax-free inheritance,
both of which are guaranteed to married spouses. "No
one is saying marriage is the right fit for everyone, only
that we should all have the right to choose," she says.
She also notes that while America has no federal
marriage protection for the LGBT community, several
countries that would be considered much more
conservative than the U.S. fully recognize the right of
same-sex couples to marry. This, she postulates, might
be due to the fact that Americans have forgotten the
founding principles of the nation, especially the separation of church and state.
ANAFLORES
ANDBELINDA
Espinoza, a lesbian couple from
Houston, are dead In what local
police believe was a murder
su1c1de Espinoza had been
upset and threatened su1c1de
on the phone to relatives before
f1ght1ngwith Flores who called
911 By the time police arrived at
their home Espinoza had shot
Flores and then shot herself
Minutes before turning the gun
on herself, Espinoza posted
a photo of the couple to her
However, Marino-Thomas isn't giving up hope. "I
believe we are on our way back to being the forwardthinking country that we are supposed to be," she says.
"I see a bright light at the end of the tunnel. We have
two cases before the Supreme Court this year. This
could be the year."-Shery/ Kay
18
CURVE
APRIL
2013
» FOR
ANOTHER
OUT
INFRONT
PROFILE
GOTOCURVEMAG.COM
PATTY
SNYDER
AND
HER
partner Shelley of Daytona,
Fla were d1scrim1nated against
by Bank of America as they
attempted to f1nal1zethe
purchase of their home Snyder
listed Shelley's mother as the
co-signer for the loan and the
day before closing, the bank
denied the loan saying the
relat1onsh1pbetween the two
was not approved. The United
States Department of Housing
and Urban Development
(HUD) has taken on the case as
evidence of a v1olat1onof new
ant1-d1scrim1nat1onlaws
JENNIFER
ROBACK
MORSE
of the National Organization
for Marriage has been quoted
as saying that lesbian couples
looking for sperm donors and
"buying sperm on Cra1gsl1st"
should "be In Jail because they
treat their children like property"
Adding, "The child Is no longer
a gift from God and a fruit of
human love The child Is now
a product, manufactured by
adults, and therefore the child
-
POLITICS
»
ADVICE
»
COMMUNITY»
Our Big Lesbian Family
It's time to redefine our queer clan.
BY VICTORIA
A. BROWNWORTH
s lesbians, when we think of our queer families-the most important
people in our lives-sometimes we find that they're not our relatives at all, but the people who have shown us how to create family
for ourselves.
At the beginning of 2013, we lost two landmark figures in that extended queer
family: Jeanne Manford and Gerda Lerner. Manford died on Jan. 8 in Daly City,
Calif. Lerner died on Jan. 2 in Madison, Wis. Both women were 92.
Neither of these women were a lesbian, yet they spent decades of their lives
surrounded by lesbians-supporting
us, nurturing us and giving us the tools to
help us be our truest selves.
A
Like the majority of American
women in the 1950s, Manford was a
stay-at-home wife and mother. Lerner
was an acedemic. Then their lives took
a radical turn.
Being a mother informed everything Manford did with her life. Her
son Morty was gay, a leader in the
early gay rights movement in New
York City. Morty was one of the queers
at the Stonewall Inn on that fateful
June night in 1969. Soon after, he cofounded the Gay Activists Alliance
and became its president. In 1972, at
a demonstration by the GAA in New
York City, he was kicked and beaten
by the president of the Uniformed
Firefighters Association, which led to
a major lawsuit.
Morty's mother, Jeanne, was so
incensed that the police had failed to
intervene that she wrote a letter to the
New York Post stating that she loved
her homosexual son and asking why
he hadn't been protected.
Her letter was published on April 29,
1972,and drew a vast response from the
newspaper's readership. In June 1972,
Jeanne marched in the Christopher
Street Parade (later to become the Gay
Pride Parade), carrying a sign that
declared her love for her gay son. Again
the response was overwhelming. In
March 1973, she began holding meetings for other parents of gay and lesbian
children. She gave interviews-speaking on behalf of her son and the queer
children of other parents-on radio and
TV, and at conferences and rallies.
Manford's group started as POG,
Parents of Gays, but soon grew into
PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. From their first meeting at the Metropolitan Community
Church in New York-just 20 peoplethe group grew. In the U.S. alone, there
are now over 350 chapters with nearly
250,000 members. Jeanne Manford
didn't care who knew that her son was
gay, or that she was his mother. She
APRIL
2013
CURVE
19
s1POLITICS
cared that he got the same
rights in society as her
daughter, Suzanne.
Gerda Lerner knew what
it was to live on the margins
of society. Surviving arrest
and imprisonment by the
Nazis after being a teenage member of the Austrian
Resistance would have been
achievement enough for
one lifetime, but not for
Lerner. She was a revolutionary who would change
the lives of women forever.
Lerner is credited with
being the founder of the
Women's Studies Movement. She was
the first to teach courses in women's
history and founded the first department at a college (Sarah Lawrence)
that was devoted solely to women's
studies. She refused to accept the
idea that women were second-class
citizens, that throughout history they
had sat passively on the sidelines
while men accomplished everything
of merit. Just as Manford saw her two
children-straight and gay-as equals,
Lerner saw men and women as equals,
and wanted every little girl to grow up
knowing that she could be the equal of
the men around her.
I never met Jeanne Manford, but I
was frequently asked to speak at PFLAG
events in Philadelphia and New York
throughout the 1980s and 'gos. I witnessed the power of the movement
she started. I met many parents who
had known Manford and whose lives
had been changed by her bravery and
determination. Manford's son Morty
died in 1992 of complications from
AIDS, but she fought on in his name
and in the names of all of those whose
parents wouldn't march in a parade or
who couldn't face the fact that their
son, their daughter, was queer.
I was fortunate to have met Gerda
Lerner when I was in college and we
both attended the founding conference of the National Women's Studies
Association (NWSA) in San Francisco.
At that conference, Lerner told a room
20
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Women have always
made history as
much as men have.
Not 'contributed'
to it. Only they did
not know what
they had made
and had no tools to
interpret their own
experience. What's
new at this time
is that women are
fully claiming their
past and shaping
the tools by means
of which they can
interpret it.
''
filled with hundreds of women, all as
eager as I was to listen, "Women have
always made history as much as men
have. Not 'contributed' to it. Only they
did not know what they had made and
had no tools to interpret their own
experience. What's new at this time
is that women are fully claiming their
past and shaping the tools by
means of which they can interpret it:'
Lerner led us to ourselves,
changing my life and the
lives of women all over the
world. She was brilliant and
funny and uncompromising.
She looked like a warm and
friendly lady who would bake
you cookies and serve you hot
chocolate in her kitchen. Yet
what she was serving up was
the history we never knew
we had, the stories of our
achievements that had gone
unheralded.
Lerner's books, among them The
Woman in American History, Black
Women in White America, and The
Creation of Patriarchy, are still taught.
Thanks to her work, Women's Studies
is an established discipline. Lerner
wrote, "Everything that explains the
world has in fact explained a world
that does not exist, a world in which
men are at the center of the human
enterprise and women are at the margin 'helping' them. Such a world does
not exist-never has."
In early February, when I heard
15-year-old Malala Yousafzai speak to
reporters for the first time since she
was shot in the head by the Taliban in
October 2012, I thought about Lerner.
Young women like Malala are her
legacy: While grown men cowered in
the face of the Taliban, Malala defied
them, championing her fight for girls'
education. She refused to be silenced
even as she proved Lerner's point that
women themselves make history all
the time.
Manford and Lerner are part of
our collective lesbian family. Each
woman in her own way changed our
lives because she handed us back our
personhood. They saw us for who we
are and they lauded us for it. So when
we contemplate what we mean when
we say "family;' we need to consider
the women who have helped create
the space for us to have our families,
and to pass their legacy on. •
s1TWOOF US
Do You Take This Trans Man ...?
A lesbian-trans marriage proposal at the White House.
BY GILLIAN KENDALL
n June 15, 2012, at a party,
a man went down on one
knee to propose to a woman. Usually, such an event
would not garner national interest.
But it was at an LGBT Pride reception at the White House, and it was a
trans man proposing to a lesbian, and
so the YouTube video has been viewed
more than 78,000 times, generating
dozens of news stories and a fair bit
of buzz.
Scout (who has only one name),
the 46-year-old man brave enough
to make such a move at the White
House, is the director of the Network
for LGBT Health Equity at the Fenway
Institute, and his intended is Liz Margolies, the executive director of the
National LGBT Cancer Network.
Though Scout had been planning
the proposal for some time, he almost
missed the reception. "I was so nervous
0
22
CURVE
APRIL
2013
I ran out of gas on the way to the airport, which started a Laurel and Hardy
thing ...Flying from Providence, R.I. to
D.C.- a flight I do a lot-I missed my
original flight and then the next one.
I decided to drive to another airport,
Boston, and then I ran through at top
speed and I forgot my wallet at the
security barrier ...! was drenched in
sweat by the time I got on the plane:'
Given the stress that it produced,
what made him pick such a prominent venue? "A lot of it has to do with
who Liz is," Scout explains. "She's
larger than life in some ways. She does
a lot of outstanding work, and she's
also really fierce. You can't go small
with proposing to someone like that.
I wanted to find a way, in the proposal,
to be as proud and large as she is. I
wanted to publicly declare my love for
her and at the same time show that
I'm fearless:'
Scout and Liz had not agreed beforehand to be engaged. "We were
both really ambivalent around marriage;' says Scout, though he has legal
documents that assert his male gender identity, so he and Liz could legally
wed anywhere. "We had to figure out if
it made sense for our relationship. You
have to think once, twice, three times
about that before you move forward. It
felt completely risky, yet it was a way
to show how much I love this woman,
which was very bold:'
Speaking of risk, Scout had no
guarantee that Liz would accept. "I
thought there was a good chance she'd
say yes;' he says, "but [after seeing the
video], I think Liz was still thinking
some things through there!"
In the 3.42-minute video, there are
40 seconds of complete silence, with
Scout on one knee while Liz scratches her
head, purses her lips, covers her mouth
with her hand, and looks around, seemingly perplexed by the offer.
Margolies says she was "stunned."
Of the moment when Scout was kneeling before her, she says, "I had to really
think about it before I said yes. We've
lived our lives as outlaws, mostly happily, and this is going to be letting the
law into our private lives. It made me
nervous. On the other hand, there
was my Scout, like an old-fashioned
gentleman on his knee. So, I thought,
we'll do it the Liz-and-Scout way: We'll
invent a Liz-and-Scout relationship
that has marriage in it. Then I could
say yes."
Margolies, 59, explains, "I grew up
as a lesbian feminist, and we thought
that marriage was one of the bad, patriarchal institutions that we didn't want
to be part of. I know our community
has come to see marriage as something to fight for, and I understand
about the rights and privileges, but
rdffiOOW
I'm not sure I want the law inside my
relationship with Scout. On the other
hand, our people, the LGBT community, break up easily, and that's the
downside of not having the law in your
relationship."
That their private moment has
turned into such a public event
surprised them both. "We were
totally shocked by the response," says
Scout. "We knew it was public, and
obviously I wanted people to pay some
attention, but in my wildest dreams
I never thought that 75,000 people
would watch the video. There I was in
my vintage three-piece suit and with
the hateful messages with integrity
and humor.
A small portion of the anti-trans
feeling has come from the lesbian
community.
"A lot of lesbians are totally amazing, and a huge part of our support
team," Scout says. "But I have seen the
other side. I've bumped up against itespecially, unnervingly, in people who
want to date me. Some lesbians like
to date very masculine lesbians, and
they sometimes think that's what I
am. That isn't who I am, and it can be a
little confusing for everyone involved.
People are trying to put me back into
the binary.
"I was raised in the lesbian community and for a lot of my life identified
''
''
I'm a lesbian
because lesbians
are my people.
my antique ring, in some ways bowing
to tradition, being on one knee, but
re-visioning it for the future, because
I'm trans, she's a lesbian, in a place we
have not always been accepted. Being
on one knee is an old-fashioned ritual,
but we were doing it in a forwardthinking way that resonated with
people."
Although the majority of responses
were supportive, some were violent
and hateful. "Right-wingers came out
and attacked us," Scout says. "People
were calling me a freak of nature. The
level of anti-trans stuff on the Internet
was kind of a bucket of cold water:'
In response, the couple made more
YouTube videos and made appearances on MSNBC, in order to rebut
as a dyke, a queer, but in the 'gos there
was this new word, 'transgender; and
it describes people in the middle, who
don't accept the binary. It really fit-I
love that idea of not being just male
or just female. I usually use male pronouns for myself, but I think of myself
as a hybrid model."
Margolies, too, faced some negativity from lesbians. "A lot of people
questioned how I could be a lesbian if
I'm with a trans guy. I say that I am a
lesbian because lesbians are my people-just as I am absolutely Jewish
and a complete atheist. 'Lesbian' is
an identity label, not a measure of
sexual behavior. Who my community
is doesn't change as a result of having
Scout as my partner. Scout isn't like
the guys I went to high school or college
with. You can see his whole history in
who he is, and-well, obviously, he's
perfect for me." •
s1
LIPSTICK+DI
PSTICK
CanYouRope
a Straight Girl?
If you buy into this bull, all you'll get
a re the horns. av uPsT1cK & 01PsT1cK
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm a
47-year-old lesbian who has fallen
head over heels for a co-worker. She's
married and straight. She lives here
and her husband lives 700 miles away
in Dallas. She also has a "friend with
benefits," who she has a love/hate
relationship with. I have no clue how
to end this friendship-I don't want
to hurt her, but this is messing with
my head and I'm the one headed for
a world of hurt. I've had straight-girl
crushes before but I've never fallen for
one like this. One of my gay, guy pals
at work told me he swore we were a
couple, as did my neighbor. I need to
end this friendship now. Help.
-Tied Up in Texas
///////////////////////////////#/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Lipstick: At 47, this obviously
she stops by your cubicle at
isn't your first rodeo, so you're
work, say you've got an important deadline and can't chat
smart to dismount the wild
horse before you take a hoof
to the heart, which-you're
correct-is right around the
corner. It's all about boundar-
right now.
Lipstick: Or, don't just dodge
ies-and self-respect.
her like a calf evading the
rope. Instead, tell her the truth:
You've developed feelings for
Dipstick: How do you end the
friendship? You simply stop
her. Now you've got to go and
save yourself. It's become toxic.
hanging out with this filly.
When she calls to make plans,
Per Lipstick and Dipstick's
advice, you need to go take
say you're busy. When she
texts you, ignore her. When
seven cold showers, spend
three months away from this
24
CURVE
APRIL
2013
friendship, and kiss two other
women before you can saddle
ex will not divorce her and
she says she doesn't want to
back up. Got it, Cowgirl?
spend all the money in legal
Dipstick: Or, make yourself
a busy little cowhand. Hatch
fees to fight it. I don't want
to get married right away,
but in a few years I might. I
plans to have your gay best
friend set you up on dates.
bought her a really nice ring
for Christmas. My question is,
Or, saddle up your pony,
mosey on in to the local dyke
should it bother me that she
watering hole, and head off
since she's still married to
on some moonlit rides with
women who are actually gay
someone else?
and single. These straight girls
will never give you what you
want. Be careful!
wears it on her ring finger,
-Ring Around My Heart
Lipstick: Love can be so blind.
I think there's way more to this
story, my dear. Why won't her
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
I've been with my girlfriend,
Jodie, for three years. We've
had many ups and downs,
and there's been plenty of
drama with her ex. She is
still legally married to him,
ex grant her a divorce? Are
there unresolved issues? Are
there still, underneath the surface, emotional ties that bind?
If they were staying married for
the kids, for health insurance,
or for any sensible reason,
means nothing to her, it still
that would be one thing. But
a crazy, jilted husband who is
bothers me. Apparently, her
still her husband-with
and even though she says it
no end
in sight? Red flag. My advice to
you: Easy does it. You may be
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
getting royally played.
to my partner, who is in the
I just recently got engaged
Army. We have four years
Dipstick: What finger she
until she gets out. I also
wears the ring on is the least
of your worries. Jodie says
recently moved to Hawaii, so
her marriage means nothing
to her? And she can't make
it a priority to dissolve this
and loneliness are coming
dysfunctional relationship?
advice on how to cope with all
Until she decides to end the
madness, she'll never be able
to fully commit to you. She
this. It's hard to meet people
my feelings of displacement
at me from all angles. I was
really hoping I could get some
Dipstick: Get a dog. Rescue
one from the pound. Then
Fido may just end up joining
you on the couch! I like the
start volunteering there. The
best way to start feeling better
idea of volunteering
about yourself is to give back.
Volunteering will add purpose
to your life. Take your pooch to
a dog park, where you'll socialize with other dog owners.
And take daily walks to get
living room and into the
car. First, you've got to stop
being intimidated by the
20 miles. See that confine-
your heart rate up. Exercise is
a great cure for depression.
ment as a blessing. I know
plenty of people who'd give
anything for 20 quiet minutes
20 miles from civilization. The
Lipstick: Living a full life,
alone in the car. Meditate,
turn on NPR, or get some
more my loneliness increases,
whether in a relationship or
alone, is work. Who doesn't
audiobooks (pick up Wayne
Dyer's Power of Intention).
on an island, and I live a good
can make all the excuses she
wants, but the truth is, she's
the more I find myself staying
not ready to let this relationship go. The drama feeds her.
to meet people. I'm becoming
like chillin' out in their
sweatpants? That mothballed
Set goals and then stick to
them, even if it means going
Whether you want to believe
it or not, she's in two relation-
worried that my partner will
existence, however, needs to
return to find a lazy hermit
outside your comfort zone.
Sometimes, happiness is
ships right now. You're the
"other woman." And that's
rather than the active social
butterfly she left.
be balanced with action and
interaction. I like Dip's idea of
getting a dog, because it will
found just beyond that little
nudge we have to give our-
how she wants it.
-Isolated in Paradise
help with the loneliness, but
selves. Push!•
home, rather than attempting
Reserve your new home on our gorgeous ten acre campus with
golf course, oak grove and mountain views in the heart of
Sonoma County. From gourmet dining and concierge services
to spa treatments and housekeeping, our attentive staff will
cater to your every need.
■
Gourmet Dining
■ Cocktail Lounge
■ Outdoor Pool
~
=
even
more. The trick now is to
get your bum out of the
■
Wme Cave and Cellar
■ Movie Theatre
■ Onsite Care/Wellness Center ■ Concierge Service
■ Fitness Center
■ Pet Park
Entrance Feed ranging from: $189S00 - $925S00
Monthly Feed dtarting at $~395
RCFE Pcnd;ng
f
4210 Thomas Lake Harris Dr.
Santa Rosa, CA 95403
707-576-1101
fountaingrovelodge.com
For more information on FGLsimply text Lodges to 518-618-4765
Texting in also opts you into our text messaging program. Data rates may apply.
s1SEX
Sexual Healing
Devi Ward gives us a dose of pleasure medicine for better sex.
W
hen it comes to enjoying
sex, Tantric healer Devi
Ward doesn't mince words.
"Someone telling you to
ignore sexual pleasure is like someone
saying you're not supposed to pay attention to your right leg;' says the writer
and sex educator. "Our cultural conditioning encourages women to ignore
pleasure, an essential aspect of ourselves. And it's like, Why should I ignore
my right leg? It helps me stand up! It
helps me walk!" she says, laughing.
When it comes to sexual pleasure,
women have been seriously wounded
in our metaphorical leg. Our malecentric society promotes a widespread
ignorance surrounding female orgasm
and masturbation. This, combined
with the horrendous acceptance of
26
CURVE
APRIL
2013
ev vANA TALLoN-H1cKs
sexual violence against women in our
culture, has had us hobbling along our
sexual pleasure paths for centuries.
Add a lesbian/bisexual/queer orientation and we might just find ourselves
on crutches.
In her book Shake Your Soul-Song!
A Womans Guide to Self-Empowerment Through the Art of Self-Pleasure,
Ward teaches us how to heal ourselves from this crippling sexual
trauma through "cultivating selfpleasure," a worthy self-exploration,
she says, as our limping libidos could
be hindering our sex lives (and our
orgasms!) without our even noticing it.
"When I say sexual trauma, I don't
necessarily mean abuse or rape," Ward
explains. "I've had sexual trauma from
just having sex. As women, we'll
store sexual trauma in our bodies
from events such as having sex with
someone we don't want to have sex
with, or feeling like we can't speak up
for our sexual needs and wants. Feeling shame from being told that you're
a bad girl for liking sex is a sexual
trauma. Growing up in a society that
teaches sexual fear and guilt is a sexual trauma. As lesbians, you're taught
there's something wrong with your
sexuality because it's not normal.
That's a sexual trauma. And chances
are, that's stored in your genital
tissue."
Ward tells me about a woman who
complained that every time her girlfriend touched her G-spot, it felt like
stroking a piece of cardboard. Vaginal
numbness and pain, the inability to
reach orgasm, thinking you have no
G-spot-these sex-negative symptoms
are all too common. Culturally, women
are encouraged to ignore these things,
or to think they're "just part of the
deal;' to keep our heads down and do
what Ward calls "fucking through
it:' What if, Ward suggests, these unpleasant sex-negative symptoms are
actually physical responses to sexual
trauma?
"Trauma imprints in our cellular
tissue and we hold it there, whether
or not we're aware of it;' she explains.
"Traumatic events are shocks to the
nervous system, and they get stuck in
our tissues in a holding pattern. When
we apply somatic healing techniques
such as touch, movement and breath
awareness, it stimulates the cellular
tissue to begin releasing this trauma.
The human body is designed to heal
itself, and pleasure is a mechanism of
the body. Pleasure is medicine:'
Through the guidance of her book,
Ward tells me, her "cardboard" client
is now having regular, ejaculatory Gspot orgasms. But this kind of sexual
healing doesn't just happen overnight
and certainly not after a few quick
masturbation sessions.
Ward explains that though it
might feel nice when we simply "get
off;' too often we're merely scratching
a sexual itch-focusing
on gratification instead of pleasure. "Sexual
gratification is more of a reflex;' Ward
explains. "We may gratify a physical
desire but still be left feeling emotionally empty inside. It doesn't meet
the deeper need, it isn't regenerative.
Pleasure has transformative qualities.
It is physically designed to heal us:'
To truly achieve sexual healing,
Ward says we must consciously cultivate what she calls the Four Forms of
Pleasure-sensual, sexual, spiritual and
emotional-all
of which profoundly
benefit our physiological health.
"When we experience the Four
Forms of Pleasure, the natural chemicals that are released, such as serotonin
and dopamine [responsible for feelings
of euphoria, peace and happiness],
Our culture
teaches us that
you're a bad girl for
enjoying pleasure.
You have no idea
how deeply that
affects everything
you allow yourself
to experience
during sex.
''
make us feel better in every area of
our lives. Of all the ways we can get
our bodies to release these happy
hormones-such as through exercisethe fastest and most powerful way to
release these chemistries is through
sex. This is a testament to the way the
body is designed, to make sex healthy
for us, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well."
Taking a dose of her own medicine,
Ward explains how the power of pleasure continues to heal her personal
traumatic experiences.
"When I first started the process
of consciously using pleasure as medicine, I thought sexual communication
meant moaning loudly and moving
my hips to try to get partners to hit
my clitoris. Now I can have between
five and 30 orgasms with myself or
my partner. Imagine an orgasm where
you hit your pleasure peak for three
straight minutes!"
Ejaculatory G-spot orgasms and
three-minute climaxes sound pretty great, but healing sexual trauma
through pleasure isn't as simple as
popping a daily dose of the Big 0. Instead, Ward explains, it's something
we must foster in nonsexual areas of
our life first. So, before you jump into
the sack, start on the couch.
"It's been a habit for most of my life
to endure being uncomfortable, even
if it's just me sitting on the couch with
a lumpy cushion in my back. When I
started cultivating pleasure in my life, I
started asking myself, Why not always
be at a 10, so every experience of my
life can be exquisite?
"We deserve every moment of our
lives to be bliss! Know that you deserve
to feel pleasure. Our culture teaches
us that you're a bad girl for enjoying
pleasure. You have no idea how deeply
that affects everything you allow yourself to experience during sex."
Just like learning to walk again,
transforming deep-rooted sexual trauma into pleasurable sex is all about
taking baby steps.
"You can't have multiple orgasms
if you're thinking about doing the
dishes;' Ward says. "So first, get
present in your body. Second, become
aware of pleasure in every area of your
life. Simply enjoying your cup of coffee
in the morning can be a pleasurable
experience. Get off Facebook. The
more present you are in other life
areas, the more present you'll be in
the sexual areas. You can't have one
without the other." •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
27
st
SCENE
SOMETHING
OLD,
SOMETHING
NEW
Dance parties for the elder women in our community.
SAGE (Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and
Transgender Elders) presented its annual fundraising event for
women, with dance music from swing to pop on Oct. 21, 2012
at the LQ Club and its Winter Blast on Jan. 20. DJ Susan Levine
and DJ Stacy provided the music, which covered the best
beats of old and new, and as always, red dots were available
for those looking for a dance partner. The Dance Raffle again
offered generous prizes to the winners-cash
for first prize and
gifts for second and third place winners and all ticket sales
went to SAGE to help provide assistance to elders in the
z
0
0
z
g
0
community. (sageusa.org/womensdance)
28
CURVE
APRIL
2013
-Georgia
Krokus
~
-
MUSIC
»
FILM
»
BOOKS
»
TECH
»
curve
A Sharp Tongue
Singer-songwriter Maia Sharp plays it her way.
BY STEPHANIE KAY CASTOR
aia Sharp is a crossover
pioneer in the starstudded world of altcountry, folk rock and
bona fide blues babes.
Born in California's Central Valley,
the singer-songwriter has found success in producing and collaborating
with artists such as Cher, Bonnie Raitt,
Art Garfunkel, the Dixie Chicks, Edwin McCain-the list goes on. Sharp
found her niche among these artists,
several of whom were early influences,
as she began to explore her identity,
M
both musically and sexually.
"I fell for music when the genre
lines were blurred. I was heavy into
Joni Mitchell, Ry Cooder, Rickie Lee
Jones and-the dream come trueBonnie Raitt;' she says.
Sharp came out as a lesbian at age
23, while she was studying music theory
at Cal State, Northridge.
It is no secret that being a woman,
let alone a lesbian, in the music industry can be difficult. Constantly making
the effort to validate her technique,
her stylistic choices and overall com-
petencies, in a male-driven occupation-let's just say it can be wearing.
Sharp was fortunate to be able to defy
any attempt to marginalize her.
"Starting off as a saxophone player
and often the only woman in the band,
I saw the potential for sexism, in particular, years ago. I saw it coming and
did my best to head it off by studying
every aspect of music, on my own and
as a music major in college. I wanted
to make sure I'd never be just the chick
singer in the room. If anyone still
walks into a studio and assumes the
woman standing there doesn't know
what's going on, I can happily squash
that. I've been very fortunate that only
one player in recent memory has had
a problem with my sexual orientation,
and because of that, everyone else on
the session had a problem with him. It
felt like a win;' says Sharp.
When asked about the future of
strong women in the music industry,
Sharp replies, "It's great that there
are so many women doing this. I
hope people start referring to the
female guitar player as 'the guitar
player.' And that radio programmers
don't have a female artist limit on
their play lists.''
Sharp likes to mention the traits
in female artists that she finds particularly appealing-"Confidence
is a
big one. Strength, ease and humor. If
she's a badass but she can make fun
of herself-very sexy.'' I think we can
all concur.
As a working artist, the fight to
stay fresh and exciting is constant.
Some believe that following fellow artists and trends paves the way for selfdiscovery. Others stay close to home
and rarely venture outside their own
creative frame of reference. When
asked about whether or not she sought
out new inspiration from other artists, Sharp replies, "Good question. It
goes in waves. I'll get addicted to an
album and play it every day, then I'll
APRIL
2013
CURVE
29
REVIEWS/
MUSIC
HOT
LICKS»
BYRACHEL
SHATTO
choose silence for a while. I'm not sure
which wave is better for my own writing." Speaking of addictions, Sharp
mentions some of her favorite fellow
artists, the ones she keeps a close eye
on: "Meshell Ndegeocello, Feist, Gotye
and Sia. No boundaries. I love it:'
As the only daughter of country songwriter Randy Sharp, Maia began recording songs at age 5. Throughout her
career, her instrumental versatility has
reigned supreme: in her teens, during
her coming-out period, right up to today,
as she celebrates the release of her fifth
studio album.
Sharp's Change the Ending, produced in her home studio without any
real restrictions, has a sort of DIY
vibe. Due to the down-home nature of
the recording process, Sharp's emotional vulnerability seeps through in a
number of ways.
"Actually, I tracked basics at The
Lair, a commercial studio in Los Angeles, and then brought them home for
overdubs and vocals. I hope the lack of
restrictions is what seeps through the
most. I took some long walks to get to
the arrangements, performances and
sounds I wanted, and I'm glad I did. I
think on this one if I had just let the
first instinct be, I'd be regretting a few
moves right now:'
Sharp's music video for "Me After
You" features an array of poignant
feminine images and figures. She
describes the inspiration as a collaborative brainstorm, a process she
tries to hold true to.
"It came about through conversations with Bill Straw at my joint
venture label, Blix Street, and my
co-writer on the song, Adrianne Gonzalez, who is also the video's director.
Like everyone these days, we were
looking for a concept that would be
compelling without breaking the
bank, so we started talking about
using existing footage. I had driven
by the Silent Movie Theatre on Fairfax in Los Angeles many times, always
thinking it'd be a great place to have
a show or a party, or to shoot a video,
and then it all started making sense
30
CURVE
APRIL
2013
United
States
ofGod
Des
and
She
Goo
Des
an□ Sne
(G&S
Recoros)
Hip hop duo God Des and She have made a name for
themselves with their cheeky lyrics, old school beats
and an unapologetic lesbian-centric message. Their
latest outing keeps the provocative tradition alive
with 14 tracks of fierce and fearless rhymes. God
Des and She have plenty to say about equality, feminism and even domestic
violence, and their album is the better for it. Despite the heavy subject matter,
there's still plenty of humor and heart here too. Stand-out tracks include
the sexy slow jam "Between the Sheets" and this reviewer's favorite, ''I'm a
Bitch," a Salt-N-Pepa-influenced girl power anthem.
Manifestra
rrinMcKeown
(TV~
Recoros)
Folk singer Erin McKeown has a gift for infusing her
work with a lively irreverence that reflects the mind
of a unique talent. Manifestra marks her most overtly
political record to date. Album opener "The Politician"
speaks to the malleable morality of those in power.
And the final track, "Bagdad to the Bayou"-penned in collaboration with Rachel
Maddow-is a groovy, '70s-influenced ditty that addresses injustices varying
from the Gulf oil spill to indefinite detention in Guantanamo Bay. Another album
highlight, "That's Just What Happened," is a slinky, bluesy number that morphs
into an upbeat ragtime tune. Needless to say, McKeown fears no genre and with
good reason: she's a musical jack-of-all-trades and master of nearly all.
that we should use public-domain
silent movie footage. Adrianne and I
sat down with a stack of silent movies
and pulled out three minutes worth of
scenes that could reflect the lyrics in
the song, and then she and our editor
put them all together to give us one
new silent movie. Then we had to get
me in there somewhere-although my
favorite shots are of Gloria Swanson
and Mary Pickford-so we rented out
that Silent Movie Theatre and cast me
as the player in the pit, putting the
song to our new silent film."
Though currently the spotlight is
on Maia Sharp alone, thanks to her
recent full-length release, her most
reputable work to date includes her
songwriting and producing stints with
other artists (Art Garfunkel, Edwin
McCain, Bonnie Raitt, Dixie Chicks,
Cher and Trisha Yearwood).
Sharp doesn't accept the dichotomy
between building a personal fan base
and sharing a collaborative spotlight:
"I think it all works hand in hand. My
personal fan base has grown the
fastest when I'm collaborating with
a higher profile artist, either by performing with them, producing them,
or hearing them record my songs."
Sharp's songs are about as eclectic
as the group of artists she's worked
with, ranging from pop to blues to
alt-country. "They were all a hybrid of
those styles as well, and I never noticed
or analyzed it then. I just loved it:'
Sharp grew up listening to and
admiring her roster of collaborators,
and, among them, Sharp held close
to one in particular: "'Idol' is a strong
word, but I'd have to say Bonnie and,
my god, what a relief that she turned
out to be as cool as I thought she'd be.
The experience with Bonnie Raitt,
Edwin McCain and Art Garfunkel in
particular made me realize I need to
keep all the hats on-the songwriter,
the artist and the producer-because
each one serves the other two and
opens doors that wouldn't have otherwise been open." (maiasharp.com) •
Love and Sax
Shelley Doty on inspiration, animation and her new film Strange Frame.
BY MOLLY WILLIAMS
he genre of science fiction
has always attracted lesbians in one way or another.
Maybe it's the smart, sexy
women clad in skintight uniforms or
perhaps because it offers an alternative view of the world where gender
equality was possible, far before its
time. Strange Frame: Love and Sax, a
groundbreaking, full-length, animated
sci-fl lesbian musical created by out
musician Shelley Doty and director
G.B. Hajim, has earned stellar reviews
and was even awarded the Best Feature
Film at Dragon'''Con in 2012.
Strange Frame is set in the 28th century on Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter,
where humans, who long since evacuated Earth have modified themselves
to the point of making skin color and
sex organs into fashion statements.
The story focuses on two musicians,
T
Parker and Naia, and their struggle
to keep their careers and relationship
afloat. Fate and fame intervene and
both women are forced to test themselves and each other. The result is a
dreamlike tale that is thought provoking and utterly unforgettable.
Tell us a bit about the birth of the film.
Strange Frame is the culmination of
years of imaginative collaboration
between myself and my co-creator GB
Hajim. GB and I went to college together, and have been dear friends
for a few decades now. We share a love
of science fiction, and we both think
that at its best can be described as "social
fiction"-take a concept, like say: What
if humans could read minds? Then use
that conceit to explore how people
communicate and interact. I think
that many people who aren't into science fiction don't always realize that it
can be an amazing path to tell stories
about who we are by using the suspension of disbelief and loosening the
concepts of reality to really dig into
particular aspects of the human condition. Plus, you can get some cracking
good stories out of it! This is what has
always drawn me to sci-fl books and
short stories in particular.
Back in the early 'gos, my wife and
I were visiting GB and his family at
their house on the big island of Hawaii.
GB and I were pretty much driving our
wives crazy by riffing on some of our
favorite books and anime series, when
we decided thatwe shouldjustwrite our
own animated TV series. After many
years of writing scripts and music and
applying for grants for a TV version of
our unique universe, we decided that
trying to fit into the corporate culture
of any TV production house was going
APRIL
2013
CURVE
31
REVIEWS/
FILM
DVD
PICKS
brown. We knew we wanted a lesbian
couple as our heroes, and we knew they
wouldn't be white. Our universe was
no utopia however, not in the least.
We delve deeply into social dynamic
politics, notions of extreme class differentiation, debt slavery, revolution
and the destruction of Earth as a viable
living environment.
Were you a fan of animated films prior
to creating your own?
to be too limiting, and shifted our
energy to independently making a
series of feature length films. Strange
Frame is the first of these movies, and
functions as a prequel to the original
television concept. GB and I co-wrote
the script, he formed an animation
production house from scratch and
started designing and animating and
I got to work writing music.
Did you originally set out to make the
first animated sci-ti lesbian musical?
In a way, I suppose we did. We were
striving to create a universe that would
appeal to and serve queer youth of color.
Many years ago, I was tremendously inspired by the book, and movie,
The Celluloid Closet. It articulated so
strongly what I was feeling as a young
black lesbian growing up with so very
little reflection of my own reality
back at me in popular media. Strange
Frame went through a lot of developmental phases, but at the heart of it
was the concept of our very rich universe, and some of the base elements
that we were determined to inject into
our universe were: Who you love is not
an issue, gender is self assignable and
pretty much everyone is some shade of
32
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Absolutely! As a kid I was firmly in
the generation of Saturday morning
cartoons and I certainly loved them,
but when I discovered Japanese animation as a teenager all bets were
off. I saw my first Miyazaki movieNausicaa of the Valley of the Wind-at
a film festival and the mastery of his
storytelling, and the integration of
incredible visuals and the majestic
soundtrack by Joe Hisaishi just blew
me away. In the last 10 years or so, the
availability of Japanese Anime and
Manga in the U.S. has exploded, but
when GB and I first started kicking
around ideas for Strange Frame that
hadn't quite happened yet-but somehow both of us had managed to watch
and fall in love with Cowboy Bebopa major Strange Frame influence in
many ways.
The film has received rave reviews from
festivals and the community. Were you
surprised by the response?
I think we reckoned that some people
would love it, and some people would
walk away scratching their heads. This
is not a mainstream movie. GE's animation style is very unique, and looks
like nothing else out there. Some folks
see the visual style and fall deeply in
love, and some folks don't. We know
that it is a dense film conceptually
and plot wise, and definitely benefits
from multiple viewings. I think we both
expected that if we make the film that
made us happy, just let it follow its
own freaky path, then there would be
folks out there who would appreciate
and hopefully love it. So far, that has
been the case, and it has been tremendously gratifying when new viewers
get the film.•
Wreck-It
Ralph
(Buena
Vista)
This incredibly charming animated
film offers a little something for
everyone-gamers, geeks, kids,
kids at heart, and lesbians will all
find a reason to fall in love with
Wreck-ItRalph.The film is set in an
arcade video game world where
the eponymousWreck-It Ralphhas
grown weary of his role as the bad
guy-and the lonelinessthat comes
with it, so he strikes out to earn a
hero medal and the acceptance it will
earn him. Along the way he meets
Calhoun,a butt-kicking heroine from
the first person shooter Hero's Duty
voiced by Jane Lynch and Vanellopel
a sassy outcast with the dream of
becoming a racecar driver voiced by
Sarah Silverman.
Game
ofThrones:
The
Complete
Second
Season
(HBO
rntertainment)
With seasonthree kickingoff this
month,it's the perfect time to catch
up with the stellar seasontwo of
this EmmyAward-winningseries on
Blu-ray.Whenseasontwo opens,
Westernsis on the brink of war as
severalfactions vie for the iron throne.
And while the central conflict focuses
on men(andone woman's)quest for
power the women of this series remain
just as fierce, fascinatingand deadly
as their malecounterparts-to cross
Cersei,Daenerysor Arya is fatal. The
sophomoreseasonalso introducesits
first femaleknight,Brienneof Tarth,a
towering vision of brute strength and
chivalry who pledgesherselfto
CatelynStark. -Rachel Shatto
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
when Pat was 14 and the girl was sent
away to school. Peggy later took up with
Pat's hated physical education teacher,
and they had along-term "Boston marriage;' as lesbian relationships were
termed at the time.
Pat married a Stanford classmate
and they had a daughter, Carla, then
divorced when Carla was 12. After the
divorce, Carla went to live with her
father. Her mother, Pat, moved in with
a woman whom Carla hated.
"I don't think of it as a lovely
lesbian history, but instead
it reveals how toxic a secret,
hidden, denied homo sexuality can be;' says Tomaso.
"I recall my gransmother
making fun of another Boston marriage between two of
her friends, and my mother
never identified as a lesbian
CARLA TOMASO
because she had to hide the
relationship from my father
to get alimony.
Carla Tomaso's Frozenoffers a chilling read. ev ELLEN GEORG1ou
"My grandmother's relationship,
however, was very happy, and they
hen Elizabeth discov- its the mother-daughter theme found had a good life together. They were
ers that her recently
in much of her work and, despite the very kind to me, so I felt very positive
deceased mother, Hel- creepy cryonics, over-the-top char- about women together. And, while
en, has had herself
acters and amazing turn of events, is my mother's own relationship was far
cryogenically preserved-that
is, fro- the closest depiction of her own rela- from good, I grew up knowing many
zen-her grief is mixed with other
tionship with her mother. Fiction, of wonderful lesbians:'
feelings: "She was a rotten human
course, is never far from truth. And
Tomaso says that being a lesbian is
being the first time around. Every- true stories can be just as fantastic as very natural for her, given her unique
body knew it:' When Elizabeth learns works of the imagination. Tomaso's family culture. It is a background she
that in order to claim her inheritance
own story is extraordinary, although
feels lucky to have, because there was
from Helen's enormous trust she must
she shrugs it off as "unremarkable."
never any shame attached to her own
bring her back to life and raise her as
Tomaso is a third-generation lesbi- identity. It is her relationship with
her daughter, Elizabeth swallows a an. Her mother and her grandmother
her mother, and the decades of wantbottle of tranquilizers and wakes up in were lesbians, with stories as riveting
ing her mother's approval, that she
as any ever created on the page. "It's struggles with. Those issues are still
the hospital.
And so begins Frozen by Carla
unremarkable to me because nobody very painful.
Tomaso, a dark, tense comedy in- was really identified as a lesbian;' says
Tomaso met her own partner, Mary
volving cryonics, reanimation and a Tomaso. "In my grandmother's gen- Hayden, in college, and they have been
daughter's determination to create
eration, lots of women lived together ... together for over 40 years. She says
the good mother that she had always spinsters, sisters, aunts ...and it was having a partner who is a psycholothought of as quite normal:'
wanted. While the novel is fantastic
gist really helps her see things for
fiction, it is also very much Tomaso's
Her grandmother, Peggy, lived a what they are. "My mother was just a
story-the story of a woman who is privileged life in Pasadena, Calif., in bad mother;' she says. "She was so bad
desperate for her mother's approval the early 1900s. She was very much a that my friends labeled her The Worst
and is willing to go to extraordinary
society lady, was married off to a suit- Mother Ever." She then rattles off such
lengths to obtain it.
able husband, and had one daughter,
a stream of examples that begin "My
Frozen, Tomaso's fifth book, revis- Pat. Her husband committed suicide
mother was so bad ..." that it could easily
Mum's the Word
W
APRIL
2013
CURVE
33
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
sound like a comedy act. The anxiety
and pain, however, are as strong today
as they were when she was young.
"My mother was a classic narcissist.
I see that now. All the attention had to
be on her all the time. Mary helps me
because she's seen my mother over the
years and how her lack of interest in
me affected me. Mary's view is proof
my own feelings are valid:'
Despite the neglect, Tomaso says
she idolized her mother, whom she
saw as movie star glamorous. Pat was
attractive, charismatic and rich. She
loved to spend money, drove a RollsRoyce, had maids, liked to buy jewelry, threw lavish parties, had lots of
friends, but simply was not interested
in her only child.
"To have a mother like that really
hollows you out. It's like you don't exist.
When I was a child, I just wanted her to
love me. I was 50 and I still wanted her
to love me:'
In Frozen, the narrator, Elizabeth,
gets the chance to raise her own mother.
To start over.
The book focuses on Elizabeth's
journey to wholeness, after she thaws
out her cryogenically frozen mother,
who is reanimated as a 10-year old,
and tries to raise her to be the mother
she always wanted. Unfortunately, little mom is a dangerously exaggerated
version of her former self, and things
quickly get out of hand.
"Frozen," Tomaso says, "is partly
my worst nightmare, partly a fantasy
that I could make my mother a better
person:'
She began the book while her mother
was still alive and says the book helped
her work through much of the anger
she felt toward her.
When her mother died, Tomaso was
still working on Frozen. The book, she
says, immediately changed direction.
It became less about the mother, and
the narrator-daughter became much
more prominent.
Carla Tomaso is widely known as
one of the early lesbian writers with
literary leanings. Her work is not just
about sex, romance and lesbianism.
"At 61, lesbianism is not the issue for
me. I do, however, have a problem
with aging. I think that as you get older
you become more invisible. I have a
problem with that." The feeling that
she was invisible to her mother has
shaped her enormously. She says it
has shaped her in good ways and bad.
"The good is that I certainly have
a big subject to write about, in that I
had to overcome neglect to develop
my own coping mechanisms. The bad
is deep insecurity and feeling unsure
if I matter, if I'm valuable. My writing
may partly come out of this need to be
seen."
And that is a need many lesbians
can relate to. (carlatomaso.com) •
EDITOR'S
PICK»
BYRACHEL
PEPPER
Depression:
APublic
Feeling,
Ann
CvetKovicn
(DuKe
University
Press)
34
CURVE
APRIL
2013
In her latest book, Depression:A Public Feeling.
Ann Cvetkovich considers depression from
cultural, historical, political and personal
perspectives. She writes, "I'd like to write about
depression in a way that simultaneously captures
how it feels and provides an analysis of why
and how its feelings are produced by social
forces." To this end, she looks at depression as
a systematic force and historical category, a
"felt experience" which shapes how we live and
which is produced by oppressive forces such
as racism, cultural violence, political oppression
and even academia. "Depression can be seen
as a category that manages and medicalizes the
effects associated with keeping up with corporate
culture and the market economy, or with being
completely neglected by it," she writes. Although
she is not the first to consider that institutionalized
racism causes depression, Cvetkovich's take
on academia's ills is unique. She writes, "My
episodic narrative tells the story of how academia
seemed to be killing me, a statement that seems
very melodramatic ...But to feel that your work
doesn't matter is to feel dead inside, a condition
that is normalized for so many. Academia breeds
particular forms of panic and anxiety leading to
what gets called depression." To prove her point,
Cvetkovich includes a 40-page section of linked
vignettes which capture her own struggles with
a depression so acute she would wake up feeling
paralyzed, with the "only physical difference
between being awake and being asleep was that
my eyes were open." Still, Depression:A Public
Feelingis not a pity party. Cvetkovich offers hope
to all who fight depression by suggesting that as
she has emerged from despair, so can others.
She does not promise this through "magic bullet
solutions or happy endings." But she does suggest
that through the passage of time, we come to
understand that people can acknowledge, feel
and move through depression in a transformative
journey that is "a slow and painstaking process,
open-ended and marked by struggle," but a
journey that is worth living, nevertheless.
REVIEWS/
Survivor Girl
Lara Croft is back-and kinda gay.
L
ara Croft made her first
appearance in the original
Tomb Raider in 1996 and
with guns blazing akimbo,
voluptuous curves and a sense of adventure she became an instant videogame
icon and favorite oflesbian gamers.
Now,17 years and seven sequels later,
the Tomb Raider franchise remains one
of the most popular and its protagonist
the most mysterious. Which is why
we were thrilled to discover that this
year's Tomb Raider is taking us back
to the very beginning and beyond
with a prequel that unearths the origin of Croft's indomitable survivor
girl spirit.
The game kicks off at sea, off the
coast of Japan, with a young, inexperienced Croft looking to make her
mark as a member of an archeology team searching for the ancient
remains of Sun Queen Himiko, when a
sudden storm leaves them shipwrecked
on an island that is far from deserted.
Croft's trials begin quickly when
she is taken captive and has to fight for
her life to escape, only to see her friend
Sam snatched away. The remainder of
av RACHEL sHATTo
the game sees Croft on a quest to save
her friend, no matter who or what gets
in her way. It's Croft's urgency and anguish over Sam's abduction that feels,
well, pretty Sapphic subtext-heavy. She
does have a number of friends in peril
on the island, but it's Sam that has our
heroine battling heavily armed cult
members, bloodthirsty predators and
a variety of supernatural beasties. And
we're all for it.
The prequel also marks the first
time in the franchise's history that a
Tomb Raider game has received an M
(Mature) rating, and it's for good reason as this title earns its rating with
blood and gore by the bucketful. This
may be shocking for longtime fans of
the series, but those who can appreciate a little survival-horror (a la The
Descent) mixed into their action are
going to find plenty to love here.
However, it's not just the violence
that has changed this time around,
as Croft herself is quite a different
character. This isn't the wisecracking,
butt-kicking and fully self-sufficient
aristocrat we know and love; rather,
she is the young woman who has yet
TECH
to have the life experiences that will
mold her and give her the emotional
mettle the later Croft exhibits. That
said, she may be naive and unskilled,
but she is never weak and she rises to
the occasion, taking on challenges and
tragedy with gusto.
In terms of the gameplay itself, this
new take on Tomb Raider strikes a good
balance of exploration and action, and
offers ample opportunities for stealth
and even some gasp-inducing timed
action sequences that keep the game
moving along at a breakneck pace.
However, where the game disappoints
is in the lack of puzzles-a staple of the
series-and the omission is glaring.
''
IT'S
CRO~T'S
URGtNCY
AND
ANGUISH
ovrnSAM'S
ABDUCTION
THAT
~ttlS,Wrll,PRtTTY
SAPPHIC
SUBHXT-HtAVY.
''
For puzzle enthusiasts there are some
smaller puzzles to be found within
the optional tombs you discover along
the way-this reviewer highly recommends completing them as it adds to
the authenticity of the Tomb Raider
experience.
The game closes with a cliffuanger,
which is good news since if this outing
is any indication of where this reboot
is headed we're eagerly anticipating
the next chapter on the reigning queen
of the video game world. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
35
esbian funny lady Stamie Karakasidis was thrust into the
limelight in season one of The Real L Word when she and
her partner Tracy Ryerson shared the story of blending
their family. So when it comes to juggling career and family,
this mother of three knows what she's talking about-and she
does so in the matter-of-fact tone and a quick-witted way we've
come to know and love her for.
L
How old are your three kiddos?
The twins Dautry and Nikos are almost
6, and Jagger is almost 8. I have to add
the "almost;' because I hear about
their upcoming birthdays daily. They
are extremely excited about being a
year older. I, on the other hand, have
a nervous breakdown every time they
mention it, because my birthday is
right behind.
Is there anything your parents did while
you were growing up that you vowed to
do or not do as a parent?
I try to make sure I don't raise my voice
Greek style, and be more patient. My
kids have been taught to express themselves, and my daughter Dautry has
said to me, "You are yelling at me and
I don't like it:' So I try to explain to her
that I am not yelling, I am Greek and
we talk loudly. She doesn't buy it.
Why kids not cats?
So many reasons. Where do I begin?
Cats don't respond well to time-out,
and most importantly, cats do not
laugh out loud to my butt jokes.
Do your parents support your decision
to raise a family?
They are very supportive and loving.
I had such a large portion of my adult
life hidden from them because I wasn't
out. So I make my decisions by instincts.
Told them after the fact, no need to
stress them out with the process, just
share the joy. So I sprung it on them.
What's more fun than surprising your
parents with twins? They were their
biological grandkids but my ex carried
them. Perfect formula!
What are some of the funniest things
your kids have done?
When they start speaking like you,
and you think to yourself, Oh shit,
they hear everything. Jagger walking
around calling people "train wrecks"
is not a good idea. Not sure how his
autistic classmates would respond to
that. Ohyes, and they started this game
when they walk into the room dressed
up like one of our family members, and
you have to guess who they are. Seeing
their sense of humor really makes
me happy.
Are you more of a "follow your own
path," free-spirited mom, or more of
a set daily schedule, Ethel Tenenbaum
type?
I would say a tiny bit of all of them. I
like to think that I am a free-spirited
mom and anything goes, but with kids
if you don't set some structure they
own you, and it's painful. Motherhood
is ever-changing and you have to
grow and learn constantly. It's like
a survival reality show-you have to
constantly reevaluate your actions and
change your game plan. If not, you will
be killed.
But I am a big kid so I always leave
room for spontaneous acts to keep it
interesting. I came home late the other
night past the kids' bedtime and I yelled
out, "Frozen yogurt time kiddies, let's
go." They were in pajamas and looking
at me like I was nuts, but they loved it,
and I know they will remember that
experience for a very long time. Have
to get extra Mama points whenever I
can. Tracy just smiles, sometimes you
can't control the crazy.
On average, how many cups of coffee
a day do you have to consume to make
it through?
At first, I thought my younger girlfriend Tracy would keep me awake, but
once I realized she passes out at g p.m.,
I knew I had to change my approach.
Since I share my kids equally with my
ex-partner Julie, I make my two to
three espressos a day to keep me going,
and then when they go to their Mommy's house, I pass out for a 24-hour
period and then start all over again.
Do a lot of your stand-up jokes come
from family experiences?
All my jokes come from family experiences. God has made sure I don't have
to leave my world to find humor. He
has given it to me in every aspect of my
life. This is why I would be an amazing
sitcom writer; so much to draw from.
Your family is Greek. Does this play a
part in your family dynamic?
Yes, absolutely. I turn into my parents
more and more each day. I realize what
the hell they meant when they made
these odd statements growing up. Parenthood is challenging, and my parents
were immigrants and did a wonderful
job opening a business and raising a
family without knowing the language.
I realize that I want some of the traditions I had taken for granted to be part
of the kids' lives. I am really doing my
best to teach them Greek, and they
are receptive, because they know how
important it is to their Mama.
Do you know how to make spanakopita
and baklava?
Now I feel like I have dropped the
ball. In my mind, I'm still in my 20s
and still expect my mom to cook her
famous homemade spanakopita with
her homemade dough. When I grow up
I will ask for the recipe.
What advice would you give to lesbians
considering having children?
I would say good luck. Keep it private,
map out a plan and make sure all parties involved are legally protected.
I was just added to the twins' birth
certificate after almost six years, and
they are my biological children. Some
laws make no sense, and as gay women
we have to cover our butts. Always put
the baby first, no ego, it does get easier
than the first year, keep the romance
alive in your relationship, don't be too
uptight, and most of all, have fun. Keep
living your life and lead with love. Lead
with love, and life will continue to give
you amazing experiences. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
37
nne Steele connects with audiences through
music that speaks to the heart. Her instinct for performing, and
her sheer virtuosity, have won her awards and taken her out of
the Midwest and around the world. "She can sing anything," says
partner and soon-to-be wife, Kelli Carpenter. And it all started in
Shelbyville, Ind. (population 20,000, motto "Pride in Progress").
Steele comes from three generations
of cabaret singers. Her grandmother
could sing and play the piano by ear; her
mother used to perform in New York
City. The family home had a music room
and Steele remembers jam sessions
where she listened to jazz standards
and performed them for the family.
Her musical instincts were evident very
early on: "My mother would sing me a
note as a baby and I would sing it back
in the same pitch;' she says.
Responding to music came naturally
to Steele, who was also a dancer from
the age of 3. When she was 8, she
played Annie in her town's production of the hit Broadway musical, and
at home, in a way, she was always
onstage. She was, she admits, precocious-but clearly talented. Her mom
had hopes for her, too. "She introduced me to Barbra Streisand and I
liked her but I was more drawn to pop.
I looked to Whitney Houston as the
Barbra Streisand of the pop world. I
remember being obsessed with the
way she sang;' she says.
Her love for female musicians didn't
ring any bells on the sexuality front,
nor did her crush on her high school
music teacher. Steele went on to Ball
State University and joined a sorority.
Her father had degrees in political science and history and she imagined she
would follow in his footsteps. She did,
earning her degree in psychology and
political science, but in her final year
she burned out.
When her academic future hit the
wall, she thought about auditioning
for Opryland in Nashville. "'Go!'" she
says her mom told her. " 'Forget the
LSATs! I always wanted you to major
in musical theater: " And that's how
Steele got to live in Nashville for a year
and a half, further honing her musical expertise. There, she worked at a
bar with a lesbian, and suddenly that
same-sex attraction was a realityand a possibility. "I'd always had good
connections with men, some of whom
turned out to be gay;' she recalls, noting
that, as with her musical instinct, her
gaydar seemed preinstalled, too. Once
Steele discovered her emerging sexual
preference it stuck, and she spent nine
years with her first girlfriend. Always
one to be honest, she shared the news
with her mom, who wasn't crazy about
it. For one thing, she ran a dance studio back in Shelbyville, and she was
afraid that someone would judge her
daughter. And then there were those
familiar mom fears: "I'll never see my
daughter's wedding. I'll never have
grandchildren."
Eventually, she embraced her daughter's girlfriends and changed her tune
(as it were), becoming even more supportive when Steele settled down with
Kelli Carpenter and her four children.
"Now Mom's totally ecstatic about the
kids;' she says. And, in fact, she will
see her daughter's wedding. "We're
planning a big family wedding;' says
Steele. "The kids are all going to participate. When gay marriage passed in
New York State, we were in Provincetown and everyone screamed and was
so happy. We knew then and
there that it was going to happen, that we were going to get
married:'
Even though Steele has
found her lesbian family, it
seems as though the community has yet to find her. "About
75 percent of my audience is
gay male;' she says. "I'd love
to grow my lesbian audience:'
And what a discovery they
will make. Steele has earned
her chops in endless rounds
of Broadway auditions, in any
number of piano bars, and in many
glittering guest appearances onboard
R Family Cruises. The stellar rise in
New York City's cabaret scene has
given her great opportunities. She's
taken some major awards, and wows
the cabaret crowd, hence her adoring
gay male fans.
But lesbians should know that
she also does kick-ass pop and rock,
covering favorites such as Sara
Bareilles, Pink, Rihanna and Kelly
Clarkson. "That is the place that I live,
vocally;' says Steele of her pop diva
playlist. "I don't write my own music,
but I do covers that are unique to me,
and interesting. Pop music drives me:'
I can personally vouch for the fact that
this plucky, soulful, smart redhead
can do everything from Britney
Spears' "Toxic" (an improvement on
the original, if I do say so) to Melissa
Etheridge's "Secret Agent:' So listen
up, ladies.
Out for 15 years, Steele is open about
her life when she's onstage, delighting
her audiences with stories and friendly
patter. "I have nothing to lose. And it's
vital to me that people know who I am.
When I go onstage I'll talk about a lot
of things, and I won't hide who I am.
To see me live, you understand more of
who I am and what drives me."
Yes, Anne Steele wants to connect with you, and if you can't make
it to one of her live gigs or gay cruises,
meet her via Strings Attached, which
runs the gamut from the classic "Tennessee Waltz" to Pink's "Sober." It's a
warm, rich, and memorable musical
encounter. (annesteele. com) •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
39
FASHION»
Newcomers to the scene, the women of Wildfang are
raiding men's closets and rocking your granddad's clothes.
BY MOLLY WILLIAMS
/// PHOTOGRAPHY
BY LINDSEY BYRNES
mma Mcilroy and Julia Parsley
have kickstarted Wildfang, a clothing
company for tomboys. The brand launched
their web store in March and have plans for
a brick and mortar store in their hometown,
Portland, Ore. While the interest in menswear
for women is catching on with various
designers and retailers, the ladies at Wildfang
earn extra bonus points for hiring several
sexy high profile lesbians including Megan
Rapinoe, Hannah Blilie and Kate Moennig
(as Shane) to be their brand ambassadors
Wildfang founders Mcilroy and Parsley,along
with creative director Taralyn Thuot, share
how they plan to keep the tomboys of the
world looking their fashion-forward best.
How did Wildfang come about?
Other than a brief stint copying Madonna's
look in elementary school, my style idols growing up
were always men. I've spent years walking into stores
and leaving empty-handed because the men's stuff was
way too big and the women's stuff was too girly, too
tight, too pink, too seasonal. One day I said to Emma,
"Why isn't there a store that just sells this stuff for
girls?" Surely we weren't the only ones who'd stolen
our grandpa's cardigans or our ex-boyfriend's buttonups and wanted more of it. It was such a simple idea,
such an obvious need in the marketplace, and we felt
we could do it justice.
THUOT: Honestly, I was a born shopper. I love the thrill
of the hunt, finding gems and tailoring them to fit
me perfectly. But I see day in and day out how many
women want the same results, without the time, effort
and expense of tailoring. Fit is paramount and most
women can't buy a men's piece off the rack and find it
flattering on them.
PARSLEY:
Where does the awesome name Wildfang come from?
PARSLEY: Wildfang is a German word. It's slang for tomboy. It's one of those nicknames a parent might call a
daughter who's a bit of a rascal, who's a bit rough-andtumble, and we loved that. We also thought it sounded
like a cross between a children's book and a rock band,
which, if you get to know me and Emma, is probably a
pretty good reflection of our personalities.
Women come in many shapes and different sizes, is
that something Wildfang will be addressing?
The three of us-Emma, Julia and myself-all
have different body types. When the three of us try
something on and love it... we know it's a gem. But we
also will be helping our consumer understand the best
styles for her body type. Some items just look best on
curves ...others on a more boyish frame. We want to
help with those recommendations and eliminate the
confusion for her.
THUOT:
42
CURVE
APRIL
2013
APRIL
2013
CURVE
43
MCILROY: Yeah, we know it's a huge pain point for o
We have a ton ofWildfangs on the team. The four
to the trade shows to buy the clothes-two co-found
and buyer. That's four women with very different bo
different types of tomboy style. When four ofus foun a piece
we loved, we tried it on. If it fit, and if we thought w s worth
the price we bought it. So you should know that four tomboys
went to buy the clothes and every single item we sell has been
tried on by at least one member of the Wildfang team.
Why do you think it's still difficult for women to find androgynous clothing when it's so trendy?
Ultimately, I believe there are two issues at work here ...
one being that most brands treat menswear-inspired style as
a passing trend. So they don't invest in updating or addressing
fit. The other issue is that often when menswear lines produce
a women's offering they just add loads of darts and shape to
their men's fit and turn items pink or lavender. I promise ...
when we ask for reinvented tomboy styles that is not what we
are referring to. Ha!
THUOT:
You've chosen an amazing group of women for brand ambassadors! How did you go about choosing Kate, Megan and Hannah?
Wildfang is about style. It's all about an attitude.
It's about being strong, confident, driven, as well as fun and
cheeky. It's the girl you look up to, and the girl you want to go
for a beer with. Each of these girls rocks the tomboy style and
also rocks the tomboy attitude. They're all badass chicks. They
were a blast to work with and we are so proud that they're part
of the Wildfang family. (wildfang.com) •
MCILROY:
44
CURVE
APRIL
2013
-
'
I
'
'
IT
YOU
AND
YOU
FOR
THE IRL
LOOK UP TO~
THE GIRL
WANT TO GO
A BEER WITH.
APRIL
2013
CURVE
45
WHERE WILL WE LIVE
(AND HOW CAN WE AFFORD IT)?
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
he nation is getting older-and
Retirement planners suggest that by the time
fast. According to a recent U.S.
you are 45, you should reserve a space where you
Census Bureau report, there
can "age in place"-stay in your home as you age.
are now more Americans 65 or
The younger you are when you make these deciolder than at any time in U.S.
sions, the more likely it will be that you can afford
history-the
elderly comprise
the retirement home of your dreams.
13 percent of the population.
Yet according to a January 2013 study from
SAGE (Services and Advocacy
U.S. News & World Report, fewer than a third of
for GLBT Elders) puts the numall Americans have retirement savings,
ber of lesbians and gay men over 65 at
more than a third will tap into their 401(k)
accounts at least once before retirement,
1.5 million, but other activists say the
and half don't have enough savings to last
number is higher. The U.S. Census
also tells us that there are more elderly
even three months, let alone the two decades
women than men. Fifty-seven percent
that most women will be living past the
of Americans over 65 are women, and
age of 65.
77 percent of those 85 and older are
Money is the first thing to take into
women, which means that there will be
account when choosing a place to live out
more elderly lesbians than gay men, and that
your golden-or lavender-years. Other issues
housing for elderly lesbians will be vital in the
include safety, access to health care, climate
coming years.
and proximity to friends and family. And then
SAGE in New York offers myriad resources
there's the nature of the community you'll live
for LGBT seniors, as well as some unsettling
in. Will you suffer discrimination? Will you have
stats. Queer seniors are more likely than their
to explain yourself, or will questions about you
heterosexual peers to live alone; more likely
and your partner be unnecessary?
not to have children, or an extended family;
The concept behind Fountaingrove Lodge, in
more likely to be living in poverty. Also, queer
Santa Rosa, Calif., is well-appointseniors have to deal with the issue of being out-or
ed living in serene surroundings.
closeted-in settings that provide a community for
Fountaingrove promotes itself as
the nation's first LGBT senior compeople over 65.
A study released in March 2012 by Wider Opmunity designed both for people
portunities for Women (WOW), a Washington,
who can live independently and for
D.C.-based research agency, found that 60 percent
people who require continuing care.
of women over 65 in the U.S. cannot afford food,
Fountaingrove looks like a resort
housing and health care. While many elderly
hotel, with everything from the requisite
women (27 percent, according to the census
pool and golf course to resident gardens
data) end up living with an adult child or grandand orchards. There's a movie theater, fitchild, less than a third of lesbians have children,
ness center, art studio, bank, and drivers to
raising the question Where will we live as we age?
take residents off the property. Since it's in
Some communities are attempting to answer
the heart of California wine country, there
Residents
that question with LGBT senior-specific housing being of Birds of
is a wine cellar on site. Also, pets are allowed. Aca Feather;
built with the goal of serving of an aging-and outcording to Gena Jacob, senior marketing director
Fountaingrove
Lodge; Birds
queer population.
for Fountaingrove, the facility is "perfect for those
of a Feather
This kind of housing runs the gamut-from pricey
who want to age in place:' Jacob explains that there
single family dwellings in resort-like settings to efficiency are units for those with illness that requires advanced care
apartments for LGBT seniors with the restrictive incomes
and units for people with dementia and Alzheimer's. But the
that many older lesbians will have.
main focus is enjoyable retirement for single or partnered
46
CURVE
APRIL
2013
LGBT people who want to remain in a queer community as
they age. "We want this to feel like home," Jacob says. "We
want people to feel comfortable and secure:'
Birds of a Feather is similar to Fountaingrove in its concept, but consists of single-family adobe-style houses on a
140-acre spread in northern New Mexico. Founded in 2004,
BoaF is what founder Bonnie McGowan calls "a thoughtful
community development for people who care about environmentally responsible living, an active and healthy lifestyle,
and forming strong social connections when we need them
most-as we are aging:'
Resident Ellen Bell says, "Our community represents
everything I wanted in a retirement home.
The physical environment is beautifulgnarly old pinion pines, brilliant blue skies,
space to walk for days, an abundance of
wildlife to observe, and a grand view of the
Milky Way on a clear night:' Bell describes
BoaF as a diverse family with residents from
all over the country, who are "talented, kind,
caring, fun, and industrious ...fully engaged in
building a community where we can grow old
in a safe and accepting place."
While Fountaingrove has leisure at its
heart, BoaF is oriented toward women
interested in the outdoors and what the
desert climate has to offer. (There's a
riding stable on the property, as well as
numerous hiking trails.)
The appeal of Fountaingrove and
Birds of a Feather is alluring, if you can
afford them. For those who cannot,
different options are evolving. Cities
with large LGBT populations, notably
San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles,
Chicago and Philadelphia, have activists
working to create affordable housing for
LGBT people. GLEH (Gay & Lesbian Elder Housing) is a
model for such low-income housing in an urban setting.
Triangle Square, a $20 million, 104-unit building in
Hollywood, was opened in 2007. A documentary about the
process, A Place to Live: The Story of Triangle, underscores
just how intensely lesbians and gay men feel about living in
a queer senior community. Alice, a retired social worker,
lived with her partner, Sylvia, for 45 years, until Sylvia's
death. Left with only $1,000 a month in income, and her two
cats to care for, Alice said that Triangle Square, "a sheltering and nurturing place," saved her life. "It gave me a place
to live, a place to grieve, and a place to find me:'
In November 2012, Philadelphia Gay News publisher
Mark Segal realized a long-term dream when ground was
broken on the city's first high-rise apartment building for
LGBT seniors. Segal, himself 62, explains that the queer
community has been focused on many issues over the years,
from "HIV/AIDS to marriage equality to bullying. We never
put a system in place for LGBT seniors-especially those
who are low-income and very endangered:'
The building Segal has worked toward realizing will
feature 56 one-bedroom units in the heart of the city's
downtown gayborhood. Affordability will be the optimizing
factor, with apartments ranging from $165 to $785 a
month, depending on the tenant's income. Philadelphia's
low-income LGBT housing differs from other LGBT senior
housing in how low the rents are and in where the building
is, in the center of the city-a high-income area with all
the aspects of queer community that LGBT seniors could
access readily when they were younger.
Openhouse in San Francisco is devoted to creating lowincome housing for LGBT seniors. In December 2012, Mayor
Ed Lee announced that a grant of $6.1 million had been
allocated to build no units of affordable housing
for LGBT seniors. Ground breaking on the site is
scheduled for this year.
In Chicago, an So-unit housing development
is scheduled to be built by 2014 in Boystown, the
city's major queer neighborhood. Chicago's LGBT center has a program offering services to approximately 500 LGBT
seniors that includes home visits as well
as social activities.
One of the reasons that these options
are so vital to queer elders is because,
as many of the seniors in the Triangle
Square testimonials explain, the issue
of housing is still rife with discrimination. Elderly women are most often the victims
of discrimination based on both gender and age.
The federal Fair Housing Act, which prohibits
discrimination in eight different areas, does not
prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual
orientation or gender identity.
As the LGBT population ages, demand for
services has increased, and resources for LGBT
seniors are available in many cities. In New York
City, for example, SAGE has a comprehensive,
citywide program that provides advocacy, activities and a
full-time senior center, which is open daily and offers dinner every evening. SAGE also provides home visits for shutins and case management for elderly LGBT people who are
negotiating health and other issues.
Ultimately, most elderly lesbians want what Ellen Bell
says she found at BoaF, "a community where we can grow
old together in a safe and accepting community:' Adding,
"When I built this house, I told my friends it was my 'bag'
house. I plan to live here until they carry me out in a bag!
This is where and with whom I belong:'
In order to access that level of comfort and contentment
later in life, queers of all ages will need to participate in the
process. As one lesbian noted, "When we think queer community, we think youth. We don't see our older people. They
are invisible:'
With the growth of LGBT-specific senior housing, that
is beginning to change. Focusing on our future, so that our
senior years aren't spent in loneliness and isolation, is a new
imperative-a challenge that must be met for the good of
the entire community.•
APRIL
2013
CURVE
47
FAMILY CIRCLE
ourage, strength, dignity, audacity, fearlessnessspecific HIV/AIDS testing. COV also collaborated with
the nonprofit Circle of Voices exemplifies all these
Lambda Legal for a panel discussion on finances, gay adopqualities. Founded by Jean Wimberly in 1993, Circle of tion, and a Health Care Act survey.
Voices initially aimed at addressing the disparity between
Recently, COVteamed up with the New York Legal Assiswomen's festivals that featured European-style music and tance Group (NYLAG) and the Lesbian Cancer Initiative
a multicultural women's festival that would attract more
at NYC's LGBT Community Center as a way to bring canwomen of African descent and women of color. Although
cer resources to women of color, and to provide caregiver
she was able to create a Womyn of Color tent at Michfest,
support meetings.
one of the largest and most prominent festivals in the
"We are the security blankets of support going to a
U.S., Wimberly knew that this alone was not enough to community resource," says Mitchell, who is also on the
mitigate a lack of community visibility
Women's Community Advisory Board at the Callenfor women of color. Wimberly's
Lorde Community Health Center. Achieving her
goal to grow the organization has not been easy,
efforts culminated in the 1993
but Mitchell is an activist dedicated to encourWomyn of Color East Coast
Music Festival, where her
aging women of color to take advantage
organization provided
of all the health care resources that are
women of color with a
available to them.
platformtoshowcase
Thankfully, COV is also powered
their talents, and
by volunteers, who work alongside
also provided them
the director to orchestrate events
with a forum to
throughout the year. Their effort
discuss vital social
to create opportunity from virtuissues.
ally nothing is commendable. They
are believers in the pay-it-forward
Today,the main
goal of Circle of
method.
"Pay it forward is just that-how
Voices is still to
provide opportunican you expect goodness if you don't
DISTRIBUTINGRESOURCES
ties to foster a collabgive it?" says Mitchell. "Our volunteers
TO WOMEN OF COLOR.
orative and supportive
are our kings, queens, and royal family.
environment where feWe treat them well. A thank-you is mandaBY LANIAYA ALESIA HOOFATT
male artists and friends of
tory! Sometimes we get free theater tickets,
the community can increase
and we offer them to our volunteers as our
their appreciation of the arts
way of showing that we appreciate the time they
to gave us."
through performances, seminars and
workshops given by women of color. In this creative environMitchell is quick to voice her appreciation of everyone
ment, women of all orientations can exchange information,
who volunteers for COV, but emphasizes how urgent the
stories, and skills through various forms of self-expression.
need is for health, legal, and other services, because chariKaz Mitchell became the director of Circle of Voices table giving has declined in recent years. COV has certainly
(COV) in 2009, and in the years since she has been step- been hit by this decline, but it does not stop Mitchell.
ping up the original initiative by working to bridge the gap COV searches every avenue available to get what it needs
between gay individuals of color and the health care com- to help people.
munity. Together with groups like Gay Men's Health Crisis
"As a woman of color in an organization that services
and the Women's Institute/LAP (Lesbian AIDS Project),
one of the most underserved communities, with the most
COV was able to distribute safer sex kits exclusively
disparities, I strive harder to make the change I want to see
designed for women; conduct awareness discussions on for my community. In our work, we often collaborate with
safer sex and the prevention of HIV/AIDS; and offer women- other organizations to bring opportunities to community
48
CURVE
APRIL
2013
members, such as free mammograms, HIV tests and lowcost health benefits;' says Mitchell.
When dealing with the ins and outs of healthcare access,
Mitchell knows that the more allies she has, the better
she will be able to help those who come to COV for assistance. "The power of networking has really helped us,
because I have found some wonderful allies in our work.
Instead of being frustrated, I use that fire to move the
cause forward."
While the economy has been recovering, Giving USA, a
seminal publication reporting on the sources and uses of
charitable giving in the U.S., shows that it is the larger
organizations that receive the lion's share of the money.
But that does not stop COV from reaching out for desperately needed resources.
"As we use art to address our community issues, the
community understands us, because they are more impacted by the artists who share their craft of spoken word,
singing, fine art, and more to reveal a story of caution, love,
tragedy and hope;' says Mitchell.
Call it growing with the times. Call it creativity. Whatever
you want to call it, COV is using any means at its disposal
to connect with anyone and everyone who needs resources.
With overhead costs of even running a nonprofit always going
up, technology has become a lifeline for COV.
"Weare the
dtttUihJ blanlieLJ
of4UpportgoingID
a comnwnityreMJUrce''
"We wanted to find a way to create resources that spoke
to our community with 24/7 access. So we came up with
Circle of Voices Inc. On-Line, a YouTube channel modeled
on morning TV shows and set around a kitchen table, with
Circle of Voices founder Jean Wimberly and comic Big
Frannie Mei. I am the host and executive producer;' says
Mitchell. "We have been taping shows with a variety of
community contributors, for example, certified acupuncturists, music producers, travel professionals and more."
The goal is to offer user-friendly and entertaining shows
to the LGBT community that will make individuals aware
of the resources and the allies that are out there.
"One of the things that is important to me is for women
of color to feel that they no longer have to justify their needs
and simply to know that it is OK to ask for what they require,
without prejudice;' says Mitchell. (circleofvoicesinc.org) •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
49
ngeline Acain is an
no organized support group
entrepreneur, but like a growing
or activities for gay parents
number oflesbians, she and her
in Hawaii- the state we were
living in at the time-and cerpartner, Susan, are also parents.
Her role as parent led Acain to
tainly not the large numbers of
her role as founder and publisher
LGBT parents you see today:'
of Gay Parent Magazine (GPM).
Acain decided that had to
A GAY PARENTINGSTORY
Acain isn't just preaching to leschange. "My mission with the magaBY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
bian and gay parents with GPM. "I've
zine was to connect gay parents with one
been a parent for 15 years now;' she says.
another and have them feel supported and
"Susan and I adopted our daughter Jiana when
empowered. I also wanted to provide a model
she was just under 2 years old and last summer she celresource for younger people in the LGBT community to
ebrated her Sweet 16. Jiana had her first relationship with show that they too could become parents:'
a boy when she entered high school. Coincidentally, he also
When Acain and her family moved to New York City, she
was the child of lesbian parents. Her decision to start GPM began publishing GPM in the fall of 1998. The response was
"stemmed from a realization of a lack of access to informaas exciting as it was immediate. Acain realized that she had
tion on gay parenting both in print and on the Internet;'
been right-lesbian and gay parents were hungry for a pubAcain explains, noting that during the late 'gos "the only lication that would address them specifically. Acain recalls,
children's book depicting gay parents was Heather Has Two "Within two hours of launching GPMs website, I received
Mommies:'
emails from parents across the U.S. and Canada." People
The market for books for kids with lesbian and gay par- were thrilled to have found GPMs site. Acain says, "I reents started to grow along with legalization of adoption and ceived an email from a woman in the Midwest who felt very
marriage equality, but Acain saw another gap that needed
alone:' The woman was so inspired by GPM, she decided to
to be filled for lesbian and gay parents.
start her own support group for lesbian and gay parents.
"My partner Susan and I had just became parents and
Acain is quick to note that, "Raising children is not everyI was looking for others like us. Through the grapevine, we one's cup of tea as it entails a heck of a lot of patience, loads
learned of other gay parents and some of our gay friends
of money and cleaning up your child's bodily messes:' But
were also becoming parents;' Acain recalls, "But there was the readership of GPM either has children or hopes to have
50
CURVE
APRIL
2013
them, and, like that woman in the Midwest, needs
support for that choice.
"For those who want to parent," Acain says,
"GPM offers heartwarming family stories as well
as resources." Those resources range from queerfriendly IVF companies and adoption agencies
to private schools and summer camps for kids of
queer parents.
Some of the issues GPM addresses have to do with
becoming parents-through
adoption, surrogacy
and alternative insemination. Acain acknowledges
the "how" of becoming a queer parent isn't an easy
decision or road.
"The experience of building a family as a lesbian
or gay person is not as sexy as a straight couple
having intercourse;' she admits. "For the gay
community it certainly does take a village to raise a
child. With adoption, although the legal situation is
improving, gay couples still have difficulty adopting
in some areas of the country. On top of that, the cost
of conceiving or privately adopting is expensive."
Once the child arrives, however, Acain says new
struggles begin. "A parent has to be out in order to
advocate 100 percent for their child. And when we
come out, we have to be ready to face any adversity.
Prior to each school Jiana attended we always met
with the school's teachers and principals to gauge
their response when we let them know Jiana has two
mommies. We had to make sure the school was accepting of our family structure. Not only do parents
deal with coming out, but their child does, too. It is
not uncommon during the awkward adolescence
stage for children of gay parents to feel uncomfortable telling peers their parents are gay:'
For Acain and her partner Susan, a psychotherapist, parenting was an experience they both
wanted. Together for eight years prior to their decision to adopt, they were among the last generation
of lesbian couples to adopt from China, which has
since limited adoptions to straight couples. "Susan
and I have experienced most stages of raising a
child, infancy through adolescence. Jiana is now
asking about getting her driver's permit. Living in
New York City with its excellent public transportation;' Acain says wryly, "we hope to postpone this as
long as possible as our daughter getting behind the
wheel of a car is still a little unimaginable:'
As for what Acain would like to see happen in the
future, making parenting more accessible to
a wider range of lesbians is her immediate
answer. "I'd like to see the cost of conceiving
and private adoptions go down. And of course
being a part of the LGBT community I would
like to see gay parents accepted in more areas
of the country and the world:'
Meanwhile, GPMistheretohelpandsupport
lesbian parents until that acceptance kicks in.
(gayparentmag.com) •
WEDDED IN WASHINGTON
MEET SOME OF THE COUPLES WHO MADE HISTORY.
1Jec.
6, 2012maked the first time same-sex couples could
apply for a marriage license in Washington State. Jubilant couples
lined up for the chance to be among the first married in the state.
After a three-day waiting period, couples could begin to marry at
midnight on Dec. 9.
Shawn Sanders (49) and Jocelyn Guzman (45) have been together
for 16 and half years and drove down from Anchorage, Ala. to get
married in Vancouver. After their marriage in Washington, they
flew to Mexico City and were married there on Dec. 12,2012 and
had a third ceremony at Chichen ltza on Dec. 21,2012.
Sylvie Meier (41)and Winter Erin (28) met at
and plan a masquerade theme wedding for
but they were so excited about Washington
marriage that they came out at midnight to
couples married.
massage school
later in the summer,
passing same-sex
be amongst the first
Ashley Cavner (21)and Jessica Lee (19) were the first in line to get
their marriage licenses and the first to get married at midnight
on Dec. 9. The couple, who'd been together a year and a half said
some people were brushing them off, saying they were too young.
"But no one knows what we've been through," Jessica said. "We've
been pushed to the edge by everyone, especially our families."
Heather Smith (50) and Nancy Blume (61) met at the school
where they both taught and have been together 10 years. They
were first married in Portland, Ore. during the brief window where
marriages were allowed there. Heather said, "It's a spiritual thing. I
am now part of what everybody else gets to do."-Kathy Beige
Guzman; Cavner
and Lee; Smith
and Blume
hen a single mother and her young
daughter were invited by a friend to dot429's Straight Talk,
a symposium on issues that unite the LGBT community and
its straight allies, they had no idea that they themselves
would meet an ally who would help them tackle their biggest problem.
Elizabeth Raphael has been the victim of chronic bullying from her male peers at her New York City school. Her
mother, Jane Raphael, is distraught that nothing has been
done to stop the abuse, and is frustrated at a school system
that seems unwilling to protect her daughter.
"I've been forced to pull Elizabeth from public education and home school [her] for fear she will be thrown down
a flight of stairs and killed- I'm not kidding;' she says.
Raphael has reason to be worried about her only child.
Elizabeth was born via an emergency C-section, and at the
age of 1 her heart stopped and she had to be resuscitated. At
a year and a half, she suffered a stroke and has continued
to suffer seizures triggered by overheating and a
lack of hydration. Thin and small for her age,
she has been academically challenged by
dyslexia and numeracy issues and yet
presents as bright, friendly, and
articulate. Nevertheless, her school
environment seems to foster bullying, with teachers apparently
turning a blind eye.
"The teachers refused to follow Elizabeth's Individualized
"Boxing has helped Elizabeth with self-esteem by helpEducation Plan. This made her
stand out as needy and struging to strengthen her body and
gling," says Raphael. "The IEP is
bridging her fears, so that she's
a document explaining the rules
becoming more confident;' says
A LESBIAN BOXERTEACHES
on how they are to educate ElizaVinci, a former sales manager,
A GIRL HOW TO FIGHT BACK.
beth, specifically. While the law commortgage broker, and stock broker.
BY MERRYNJOHNS
pels the school and teacher to follow the
In Elizabeth, Vinci saw a way
IEP, unless a parent gets an attorney, ultito do something about bullying that
mately there is no way to ensure it is followed.
went beyond lip service or making a video.
With a class of 28 kids, the teachers didn't want to
"It's easy to turn into a victim. Elizabeth needs to
be bothered with details."
learn to turn around and become a leader;' says Vinci, who
Singled out as different, Elizabeth was teased in the first meets with her charge twice a week after school, ties boxgrade and tripped. "She hit her head so severely during
ing gloves onto her hands, and takes her through her paces.
lunch one day, her doctor asked that I watch her several days Boxing is "not about physicality. It's about using your body
to make sure she didn't have a more serious concussion:'
movements and brain to not get hit. It's all about dancing;'
Enter Lillian Vinci, an out lesbian boxing trainer who says Vinci.
runs The Lady Trainer Inc. and offered, after hearing these
Elizabeth, who played a role in a local stage production
stories, to train Elizabeth-physically and psychologically.
of Miracle on 34th Street last year, appears to be enjoying
her pugilistic outings. "She's trying hard. She's excited to
Months later, Elizabeth is transforming.
52
CURVE
APRIL
2013
go home and do exercises;' says Vinci. "I
really do see a magnificent future for her.
She already has the ability to be a leader, to
be a voice, and prevent other girls who are
being bullied from self-harm. It's already
there, and when she throws a left and a
right, you see the leader."
However, the bullying has continued,
says Jane Raphael. This year alone, she was
teased, pushed, hit and shoved while walking in line. A male classmate kicked Elizabeth repetitively under the desk because
she rested her foot on the side of his chair
during an exam.
"She tried alerting the teachers ...They refused to acknowledge a problem," says Raphael, who has taken photos of
her daughter's bruises. "I feel like my teachers are also
bullies," says Elizabeth. "They try to pair me up with people I don't like."
"It appears the teachers do not have a handle on the situ-
ation, do not have control over the
kids, and violence has become the
acceptable norm;' says Raphael.
"Adults who should know and do
better have created the scenario
that fosters bullying. The principal himself told me several years
ago that my daughter needs to
toughen up. That's bullshit! Physically violent children have no place
matriculating with nonviolent children. Our society can do lots more
to fix and acknowledge the roots
of violence and bullying."
Vinci agrees and while she is giving Elizabeth selfdefense lessons today, also believes that long-term, more
work needs to be done on both sides.
"The bully is damaged. How do you try to fix the real
problem, which is fix the damaged person? Stop the vicious
cycle by educating. Hurt does not have to produce hurt." •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
53
FAMILY CIRCLE
or many boys and girls in America,
of men agree that the ban
scouting is their first experion gays in the BSAshould
ence with a peer community.
be lifted. In February,
While many think of scouting
President Obama-all
as emblematic of small-town
U.S. presidents have
America, inner-city kids are
been honorary presialso deeply involved. The Boy Scouts of
dents of the BSA since
America has 2.7 million members; the
it was founded in
Girl Scouts of the USA has 3.2 million.
1910-said the gay ban
In January, the Boy Scouts, which has
should be lifted. Nubeen a center of controversy over its refusal
merous former Scouts
QUEERFEARAND PEERPRESSURE
to allow gay members or scoutmasters into
IN THE SCOUTING MOVEMENT.
who are openly gay have
the organization, while concomitantly being
protested the ban, as have
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
involved in a scandal over what the LA Times
scoutmasters who are gay.
called "massive sexual abuse claims and institutional
Families of gay Scouts have also
protested the ban.
In April 2012, Cub Scout den
leader Jennifer
Tyrrell was
ousted from the BSA when it
was revealed that she is a lesbian. The Ohio mother of a young
son who is a Cub Scout has found
significant support from various
LGBT groups, but Tyrrell has yet
to be reinstated.
The Girls Scouts of the USA
don't have a similar policy of
discrimination. In 1991, the Girl
Scouts published the following
letter: "As a private organization,
Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. respects
the values and beliefs of each of
its members and does not intrude
into personal matters. Therefore,
there are no membership policies
on sexual preference. However,
Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. has firm
standards relating to the approcover-ups," announced that it would be changing its anti-gay priate conduct of adult volunteers and staff. The Girl Scout
discrimination policy. The announcement followed numerorganization does not condone or permit sexual displays
ous discrimination suits filed against the BSA, including
of any sort by its members during Girl Scout activities, nor
one that reached the U.S. Supreme Court.
does it permit the advocacy or promotion of a personal lifeBut in February, one day before the BSAwas supposed to style or sexual preference. These are private matters for
vote to change the policy, the executive board reconsidered
girls and their families to address:'
yet again, putting off the vote until at least May 2013, when
In October 2011, the Colorado GSUSA chapter accepted
its annual meeting takes place. The more than 1,400 mem- a 7-year-old transgender girl, noting, "If a child identifies
bers of the group's national council will vote at that time.
as a girl and the child's family presents her as a girl, Girl
National polls taken immediately after the BSA's new Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout:'
decision showed that 61 percent of women and 49 percent
Membership in the GSUSA has remained stable in the 22
54
CURVE
APRIL
2013
years since the organization established its "don't ask, don't
evangelize" policy on sexual orientation, both for kids and
for adult volunteers. Everyone buys cookies each January. So
why can't the Boy Scouts be more like the Girl Scouts, which
embraces transgender kids in its organization?
The fear of change that is at the heart of the Boy Scouts
current policy of discrimination is much like its past fear
of racial integration. Throughout the first four decades of
the 20th century, the BSA considered African Americans
to be "feeble-minded" and to come from "delinquency
areas:' African Americans, immigrants, and the handicapped were all kept separate, in what were called "Special
Troops:' While there were some African American troops
as early as 1911, integrated troops were not the norm until
the 1970s. When the Jim Crow laws were in place throughout the South, African American Boy Scouts weren't even
allowed to wear the Scout uniform. Conversely, the Girl
Scouts had their first African American troop in 1917, and
by the 1950s, racial balance was the norm. Because the Boy
Scouts' queer fear seems so similar to its earlier racism,
why can't the organization take a lesson from its own past?
Times will change, and being on the wrong side of history
is never a good place to be.
The Girl Scouts didn't go out looking for
H
lesbian leadership or lesbian Scouts, but
they did take the attitude-20 years agothat there were lesbians in society, thus
there would be lesbians in the Girl Scouts.
Currently, there are nearly a million more
Scout,
Girl Scouts in America than Boy Scouts.
Which suggests that the open-door policy of
the GSUSA has made more girls and women
feel welcome than has the restrictive, biased
Boy Scouts policy.
It's time for the BSA to recognize that a
gay scout has as much to offer as a straight
one, and that someone can be "morally
straight;' as the pledge demands, simply by
being a decent young man who puts his concern for others above the bigotry he might
have been taught.
The BSA should consider this conflict as
,.,,.,,._...,.
"
a teachable moment for its membership and
go back to its own history to find a precedent:
The BSA wasn't destroyed by desegregating to include African Americans, and it won't be destroyed
by desegregating to include
gays. But giving gay Scouts
the same opportunities as
their heterosexual counterparts will mean that
the BSA will finally reflect America. There
is no merit badge for
bias and bigotry. Maybe there should be one
for inclusion.•
Cturenlly,
thereare nearlIJ
a millionnwre
girt
in
ilmericathan
13lllJ
scouu
...
1heopen-door
policyofth£
gSVSil hllil
tnlllUnwre
girldand
women/ea
w~,u: ...
facebook.com/lotlrescue
home
contpanions
CURVEREADERS
SHAREPHOTOS
OFTHEIRB.F.F.S
(BESTFURRYANDFEATHERED
FRIENDS).
wewan'S
- eens
d
THETRANSFORMATIVE
POWER
OFDOGSIN LESBIAN
LIVES.
BYJENNYBLOCK
THREEYEARSAGO,I would not have called myself a dog
person. That was before I adopted Walter-a tiny, mangy,
shaky, Chihuahua-cairn terrier mix-from the Texas ASPCA.
I knew the minute I picked him up that he needed me.
What I didn't know was just how much I needed him.
Walter has become my little guru, teaching me to live
in the moment and be grateful for everything around me.
So when I saw a call for entries in a new anthology titled
The Divinity of Dogs: True Stories of Miracles Inspired by
Man's Best Friend, I felt compelled to submit an essay to
the book's editor, Jennifer Skiff.
I was thrilled to find out that my story would be included
and was equally excited to have the chance to speak to two
of the other contributors. The painter and jewelry maker
Camille Boisvert, 53, told me that it was her partner of
27 years, Denise, who led her to submit to the anthology.
"Denise said, 'Hey, why don't you write about Molly for
this?' How could I resist?"
Molly changed Boisvert's life in such an incredible way
that she felt strongly about sharing her story. "She woke
me up from a fog that I didn't understand. I know a lot of
people live like this, creating their own demise, not being
able to stop and think about what is happening at the
moment. I hope Molly's story will be an inspiration, like
she was to me."
Boisvert, too, had never been a dog person. Dogs were
her partner's passion. Molly changed all that. "I tolerated
the dogs before Molly. I tried to be loving, but I just didn't
get it. It didn't come naturally to me. But I truly loved Molly
from my gut, and every dog I meet now has a little bit of
Molly tugging at my heart."
Boisvert says the unconditional love that dogs provide
is "a valuable and life-sustaining phenomenon" that compels people to connect with them in the ways that they do.
Many of the stories in the book have a similar theme:
learning to live, to trust, to love from a four-legged friend.
That was certainly the case for Theresa Pollard, 51, who
grew up in the same small town as Skiff. Although not a
writer by trade, Pollard says she had to tell the story of her
English springer spaniel, Sam, because she'd had a really
tough time as an adolescent and Sam, she says, "rocked my
world. I started trusting life through our relationship. We
shared getting happy, after my many years of misery and
depressed, failed relating."
Pollard says she was always a dog person, but it wasn't
till Sam that her love for a dog became such a huge part of
her life. "I was so protective and aware of our bond. He was
a stray and found me on a beach, while I was in a standoff
with a lover:'
Pollard feels that the connection between people and
their dogs comes from the fact that "dogs have an innocent
dependence on us. It is my belief that what 'saves' us is having
the dogs to take care of."
Having this opportunity to write about Sam, Pollard
says, was a dream come true. "Sam was a very calm, intelligent animal. It was a privilege to take care of him, which
I did until the day he died, in April 1998. I have not had the
heart to replace him even now."
There is so much we can learn from dogs, Pollard says.
"Watching the enjoyment that a dog demonstrates by just
being a dog is a lesson to us as human beings that we can do
the same-be happy to jump up and down with excitement
about our lives:'
The book is filled with dramatic tales about dogs that
saved their owners from serial killers or suicidal leaps. But
more than anything, the book is filled with stories much
like mine:
But the most important thing I've learned from Walter
is that there's always time to love and be loved. No matter
how crazy a day awaits me, he insists on snuggling in the
morning, curved into my body, licking my hand. He sighs
and stretches and puts his paws on me as if to say, "The day
can wait a minute and you'll be all the better for it if you
spend just one minute thinking of nothing but how lucky
we are to love and be loved."Maybe he'sjust lazy and doesn't
want to wake up. But I don't think so. More than anything,
Walter's taught me to stay in the moment because, after all,
moments are all we have.
Excerpt courtesy of Atria Books and The Divinity of Dogs, edited by
Jennifer Skiff. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
59
lialo
effect
PETFOODGETSA
NEWHOLISTIC
SPIN.
BYREKARA
GAGE
60
CURVE
APRIL
2013
WHETHERYOU'REmotivated by
personal goals or the ever-popular beach season, it's that time
of year again, and your focus is
on your health, and in particular on the
foods that you eat. But what about your best
friend, the one that welcomes you home
everyday?
Halo, Purely for Pets is a pet food dedicated to making sure that your dogs and
cats are in their best possible shape, "ready
for their close-up" when you show them off
to family and friends. Since 1986, Halo has
produced high-quality natural products
to keep pets' coats shiny and their energy
level up.
"Nutrition is such a crucial driver of
overall health;' says Bettie Hamilton, VP
of marketing and product development at
Halo. "But it's not just the food-it's the
interaction between the owner, the pet and
the environment:'
It all started with a pet owner named
Andi Brown and her sickly cat, Spot, who
had digestive problems and suffered from
skin irritations, excessive shedding and
bad odor.
After changing Spot's cat food to a socalled premium brand seeing no improvement, Brown started reading labels and
paying attention to cats' nutritional requirements. When she was told that it might
be best to put the cat down because of his
many health issues, Brown began to cook
for Spot herself and Spot's Stew, with all its
nutrient-rich ingredients, was born. With
this homemade stew as a staple of his diet,
Spot's overall health improved enormously.
His skin problems vanished, his digestive
system settled down, and Brown could con-
says Bettie Hamilton.
Quality kibble is just the beginning.
Halo's pet products include dental treats,
pretty moon- and star-shaped cat treats,
food supplements and herbal shampoo, so you have to
wonder if there's anything
they haven't thought of. It's
obvious that the people at
Halo are shameless animal
lovers, so it's no wonder that
pet lover Ellen DeGeneres
had to get in on the fun.
"One of the things I
really believe is that if you're
going to have pets, you
should treat them like you'd
treat yourself. So, because
I think Halo is incredible, I decided to become a
co-owner, in hopes that all
animals have the chance to be the healthiest
they can be;' says DeGeneres. For example,
DeGeneres is a vegan, and now the company
has made a line of vegan food just for dogs.
"We've really benefited from listening to
her interests and incorporating them into
our products," Hamilton says.
And if you think that the compa
stops there, you have no idea. The Halo Pert:
Foundation is the philanthropic arm o
the company, and through its Kibble Drop
Program Halo donates more than 100,000
pieces of kibble a day to pet shelters.
Thanks to an 11-year-pld girl nam d
Mimi Ausland, who wanted to help shelt
pets, freekibble.com and freekibblekat.com
were created. Visitors to the websites can
answer trivia questions about dogs or cats,
and, whether their answers are right or
wrong, the website donates 10 pieces of
kibble per question, improving shelter
pets' health and by extension their adoptability and happiness.
This is all part and parcel of Halo's holistic approach to pet health, which is focused
on treating the "whole animal;' and recognizing that good nutrition is an essential
element of your pet's overall well-being.
With the guiding principles of balance,
nature, and love, Halo hopes to extend
your relationship with your pet. "Feel
good, be good. That's what we believe,"
says Hamilton.•
''
One oCthe
things I really
believe is that iC
you're going to
have pets, you
should treat
them like
you'd treat
yourse1£
,,
firm that there was a direct correlation between her pet's health and the quality of the
nutrients that he ingested.
In 1986, Andi launched Halo, and Spot's
Stew was in limited distribution. Today,
Halo has grown into a nationwide holistic
pet food brand.Halo features whole grains,
salmon oil, chicken, and fruits and vegetables in all its products. Halo makes both
wet and dry foods that are rich in amino
acids, vitamins, and all the nutrients your
pet needs. "So many commercial pet foods
have things that we wouldn't choose to
use. Chicken meal, a rendered ingredient,
is commonly used in other pet foods. It's
boiled and highly processed. We are transparent. We open cans and compare products.
We want our customers to understand our
ingredients. Just because a food has a picture of a chicken, doesn't mean it's good;'
YOULOVEYOURDOGANDYOURCAT,one of which is probably from a rescue organization. You own a "Stop Puppy
Mills" T-shirt, and you become distraught when you read
Facebook posts about circus animals, seal slaughter, big
game hunts and stranded whales. But does your circle of
compassion extend to farm animals? Cows, pigs, horses,
sheep and goats are abused daily, but is anyone doing anything about it? Why is a cat different from a cow?
Ifyouneedconvincingastowhyfarmanimalsareequally
worthy of our care and attention, meet Michelle Alvarez,
formerly an attorney and now the outreach director of
Catskill Animal Sanctuary. This charming, charismatic
animal advocate has a history of activism going back to
1989 and ACT UP. Young, idealistic, determined to change
the world, Alvarez first pursued a legal career, working
for reproductive rights and environmental law for over a
decade, but eventually realized that she "wasn't put on this
earth to be a litigator."
When she read a poem by Alice Walker protesting the
850 million chickens killed each year by KFC, her true
calling became apparent. "I wept for days and I never ate
another land animal;' she says.
Passionate about her cause, and a lively source of
information, Alvarez had me thinking, quite literally,
about where my next meal was coming from. Since its
formation in 2001, Catskill Animal Sanctuary (CAS) has
saved approximately 2,500 animals. "Of that number, 40
percent alone come from hoarders;' says Alvarez, who often
gets calls from local SPCAs, concerned neighbors, and law
enforcement telling her about situations in which people
are hoarding everything from cats to fully grown livestock.
"I have seen incredible situations of cruelty-tiny piglets abandoned, cows left after a dairy operation went
bankrupt, horses locked and abandoned in barns, sheep
used as prey in canned hunts;' she says. (In a canned hunt,
animals are raised in captivity, then released and hunted
on ranches or in private reserves, where they have no
chance of escape.)
all
crea~~s
grea1.,and
SlllaJ.l
62
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Checking off other ways in which the abuse of farm
animals occurs under our radar, she mentions "illegal
slaughterhouses, viveros [live animal abbatoirs], and orthodox religious rituals where animals are slaughtered for
sacrifice. These are unlicensed and unregulated, so how
do you imagine the animals are being treated?"
Our culture tells us to believe that animals are commodities, products, food or entertainment. But the way we
treat our animals, Alvarez believes, is an indicator of our
own level of civilization. "You can link animal cruelty to
other criminal behavior," she notes.
"These animals are no different from me. Listen with
your heart and you will realize that we are more similar o
Each animal rescued by CAS goes to live peacefully on an
idyllic 110-acre farm in the Hudson Valley, New York. You
can sponsor, adopt or visit the animals, and membership,
starting at $40, entitles you to free weekend tours. From
April to October, you can stay onsite at the Homestead, a
renovated 1813 farmhouse, and take a vegan cooking class
in a "no judgments" kitchen, where you'll discover how
vegan food has evolved to become a delicious eating option.
There is also a day camp for kids in July and August.
As a vegan-curious flexitarian but an avid foodie, I admit
that Alvarez had me feeling more than a little guilty about
my next restaurant experience.
"CAS doesn't want to bash people over their heads and
say, 'You're a bad person for eating meat; "she says. "It's a
learning process. Our approach is to accept people where
they're at. We respect how people grew up, how food has
different meanings for different people, but here are the
facts-raising animals for food contributes to global warming more than anything else, raising animals for food involves cruelty, and eating a plant-based diet is better for you.
If you don't do it for the animal, do it for your health and the
planet:'
When she points to "manure lagoons" as one of many
hideous by-products of a steak- and pork-obsessed culture,
I promise to start shopping differently, but I press Alvarez
to dissuade me even further from my next carnivorous
eating experience.
"How do you say to an animal, 'Excuse me, I'm going to
take away your life so I can enjoy one brief, fleeting moment
of pleasure'?" she says. "Even if these animals have not
been raised in a conventional factory farm environment,
where they are tortured from birth to death, they have every
right to live, just as you and I do. Who am I to take an
animal's life away?" (casanctuary.org) •
WHYOURANIMALFAMILY
SHOULD
EXTENDBEYONDPETS.
BYMERRYN
JOHNS
APRIL
2013
CURVE
63
TRAVEL
THIS FLORIDA
BEACH TOWN
WILL TAKE YOU
BACK IN TIME.
BY JENNY BLOCK
+++
64
CURVE
APRIL
2013
I'm not 100 percent sure what it is, but
there's something about South Florida's Jupiter Beach Resort & Spa that
is like going back to a simpler time. It
certainly isn't for the lack of anything.
The rooms are beautiful, with all the
modern conveniences. The spa, the
pool, the restaurants, they're all shiny
and new-in 2011 Jupiter Beach won a
Conde Nast Traveler Readers' Choice
Award as a top U.S. resort.
So maybe it's the setting. Jupiter,
in Palm Beach County, has preserved
an enviable small-town feel. So much
so that I rode a bike (borrowed from
the resort) to get around. In fact, you
can basically bike or walk to almost anywhere you want to be. Little Moir's
Food Shack is one of those places,
for sure.
The resort has great food, both at
the upscale restaurant, Sinclairs Ocean
Grill, and at the Sandbar, by the pool,
where I fell in love with the Sea Breeze
Salad. (Tip: Since it's the beach and all,
and fresh seafood is de rigueur, I asked
my server to trade out the chicken for
the shrimp. Seriously, I ate it every day
I was there.)
But Little Moir's (littlemoirs.com)
is not to be missed, whether you walk,
bike, or drive there. It's super-popular
with locals and visitors alike, but believe me, it's worth the wait. And the
waiting is easy since right next door
there's Maxi's Lineup, a bar with live
music to entertain you, body and
soul. Of course, you'll forget all about
the wait once you taste the food. The
menu is a little daunting-tons
of
fresh seafood and you choose the
sauce and style. The good news is it's
tough to go wrong.
Other food highlights in and
around Jupiter include the Lazy Loggerhead Cafe, the perfect breakfast
joint; Guanabanas, outdoor waterfront dining with killer crab cakes;
and Rocco's Tacos & Tequila Bar, where
you're advised to beware of the margaritas and apps, which make the delicious entrees nearly redundant.
Luckily, there are lots of ways to
work off all the good eating in Jupiter.
There's a paddleboarding outfit just
walking or biking distance from the
resort where you can get a lesson and a
tour complete with some local history.
And don't let the flat water fool youwhen the current's moving, you'll get a
workout. Just steer clear of the docks.
The day I went boarding the current
nearly had its way with me, so I snuck
off to the Jupiter Resort Spa later that
afternoon. I almost missed my sugar
scrub when I discovered that instead
of granola and nuts and tea, there were
trays of cut fruit and berries, with
melted dark chocolate for dipping.
That's my kind of spa. My treatment
was stellar and, I confess, I stayed
around afterward for a second stab at
the chocolate.
It was a good thing I hit the spa
when I did, because the morning after
my treatment, I biked over
the bridge to the Jupiter
Inlet Lighthouse, where I
climbed 105 stairs to get
to the top. The view and
the history lesson were
definitely worth it. And
the resort's loaner bikes,
old-school beach cruisers, make the ride there
and back particularly fun.
(Word to the wise: Be careful on the bridge across
the inlet. The majority
of roads have bike paths
but when it comes to this
bridge, you're on your own.)
When it comes to choosing a
resort, how much I can do there is
equally important to me as how little.
And Jupiter Beach Resort scored
high marks in the lounging around
arena too. Sunday afternoon found
me alternating between a beach chair
poolside and a hammock in the shade
listening to a singer and his keyboard
playing "(Sittin' on) the Dock of the
Bay." Sipping a mojito, just steps from
the spot where the ocean meets the
shore, I found Jupiter to be the perfect
blend of classic and fresh. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
65
TRAVEL
TENNESSEE
WALT
:e
DOLLYWOOD,
DOGGY DAYCARE
AND THE RUSTIC
CHARM OF THE
GREAT SMOKY
MOUNTAINS.
BYANNE MCCUE
+++
day I went to Dollywood, in East
Tennessee, was the day I learned something very important about myself- I
am a slow "Yellow Submarine" kind of
person rather than a Wild Eagle steelwing roller coaster kind of person.
In the middle of a drizzly fall day
after we'd dropped our pup off at the
Barker Lounge, my travel partner,
Scrappy, and I arrived at the Southern chanteuse's theme park. It wasn't
crowded, which in one way was a
blessing. In another way it was a
curse, because it meant that there was
no long line for the Wild Eagle, which
might have been enough reason not
to have to go on it. I was there to write
a story, and I realized that going on
the Wild Eagle might make the story
more interesting. Scrappy likes roller
coasters. I, on the other hand, was full
of dread.
I feel fairly confident that the way
I felt in the two and a half minutes
on that ride is how I will feel when I
am dying. It's really friggin' fast, OK?
And the vertical drop is 135 feet, OK?
And there are loops, not just one but
three, and you are upside down going
100 miles an hour and there is nothing under your feet, because you are in
a "wing" of the Wild Eagle, America's
first steel-winged roller coaster, OK?
Needless to say, Scrappy loved it. As
we walked down the hill afterward, I felt
that I had been forever altered, both
atomically and emotionally. I refrained
from speaking for some time and questioned the meaning of existence.
Dollywood has several roller coasters, plus lots of rides for the little 'uns,
and the few hours we were there wasn't
long enough to catch everything the
park has to offer, so I recommend getting there early in the morning and
making a day of it.
There was no time to check in at
our accommodations before dinner, so
we hightailed it back through Pigeon
Forge- truly something to behold- to
a restaurant called The Chop House,
a classy chain of the Southeast. I am
willing to admit publicly that I am a
vegetarian, so while there was a big
emphasis on meat dishes, I got lucky
here and ordered two appetizers. The
Pizza Florentine had a nice thin crust,
with a creamed spinach and diced
tomato filling, and the Sweet Corn
Tamale Cakes were delicious-so delicious that we returned to eat them for
Sunday lunch a couple of days later.
But I had to leave half of my order with
our hostess, because the performance
of Cirque de Chine was about to start at
the Smoky Mountain Palace Theater.
The theater itself has three different stages in the one very large space.
Cirque de Chine is a troupe of gymnasts
from China who perform impossible
feats with their teeth, arms and legs.
These young athletes amazed us as
they flew through the air at dangerous
heights and balanced at improbable
angles-less artsy than Cirque du Soleil, but with skills no less impressive.
Some of the little kids stole the show
with their cuteness (they each pick an
animal to emulate), but the young men
and women had the sheer, seemingly
impossible, strength and superhuman
flexibility.
Tired from our long day, which had
also included the three-hour trip from
Nashville, we checked in at the Wilderness at the Smokies Resort. This is a
kid-friendly super-hotel-huge,
with
an indoor beach and all sorts of games
to keep the kids busy.
Looking out from our balcony I saw,
large and ominous, the Wild Vortex
extreme slide. What appealed to me
more was the pale-aqua water in the
pool, with its gentle current, a lazy river
designed for tubing. Just my speed.
Next morning, it was an early breakfast at Flapjack's Pancake Cabin and
those pancakes were good! The waitstaff
was charming and the list of specialty
pancakes included S'mores and Reese's
Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip. So
many choices, but only so much room
in one's stomach! I chose the Egg White
Veggie Omelette from the Healthy
Choices menu, amidst the carbs.
The drive up into Great Smoky
Mountains National Park was beautiful, with the Blue Plate Special from
WDVX radio in Knoxville as our
soundtrack. We hiked at Newfound
Gap, the misty mountain ridges rolling away before us, all the way to the
horizon. It was glorious and peaceful,
surely one of the most beautiful places
on the planet. There are many different hikes in the Smokies and we will
be returning.
But our next adventures awaited:
ziplining and whitewater rafting with
Rafting in the Smokies. On our way,
one of the things we started to notice
was that addresses and directions
THE DAY
were kind of unspecific: NENTTO
"Turn left at traffic light OLLYWO
number three. You will see
a log building with a red ~ EAST
tin roof ..." Soon we found
NNESSEE,
ourselves roped up, helmets
on and about to jump off a ASTHE DAY
ledge and slide through the
EARNED
trees on a rope. Seeing as
I had already gone on the OMETHING
roller coaster that won't be ERYIMPORnamed, my fears were easNTABOUT
ier to overcome, and by the
fourth run (you get two goes, YSELF.
up and back) I was what you
might call rather flippant. On the last
run, Scrappy flew upside down. It was
a lot of fun.
We sat for a quick lunch at the Bean
Trees and, praise the goddess, they had
an espresso machine and beer. A short
walk back, and we set off down the
Pigeon River on our whitewater rafting expedition. We got lucky with our
guide, Will, because not only was he
immensely entertaining but he had 20
years of experience on the river. He was
a big guy, a reformed redneck I'd say.
The water wasn't overly high that day,
but there were enough thrills to keep
us interested. And for entertainment,
there was always Will. "In these parts;'
he said, "if you go into a bar without a
gun or a knife, they'll give you one, just
so's you'll have a fair chance:' Yep.
When we got back to the resort, we
had time enough before dinner to have
a good look around the Wilderness
Resort. Scrappy eyed the Wild Vortex
extreme slide and asked if I was going
to come along. I said, "I'll hold your
towel:' She got smaller and smaller as
she climbed the five flights of stairs
up to the place from which a trap door
would open and she would drop into
the plastic tube-for a 66-foot drop
nearly straight down. It was rather
quick once it happened-there she was
flying through the tube and then being
spat out at the other end. "Was that
scarier than the Wild Eagle?" I asked
her. "Yep;' she said, with a sense of
wonderment.
Dinner that night was at Mulligans,
in the Sevierville Golf Club, which has a
36-hole course. There was no vegetarian
fare on the menu, but the chef made
pasta for me. The biggest knockout
thoughwasthedessertan orange pudding that
was incredible.
Sunday morning was
a facial at the peaceful Utopia Day Spa, a
lovely and relaxing
experience-especially
the accompanying foot
and head massage.
Even though it was
Sunday, we visited the
Ole Smoky Distillery
in Gatlinburg. Times
have certainly changed
and 100 proof moonshine has gotten
respectable and very tasty. Having taken
the pledge, I had to leave all the tasting
to Scrappy, who seemed to really enjoy
all the different flavors: Lemon Drop,
Blackberry, Hot Okra, Cherry, just to
name a few. Ole Smoky's distillery is
near a couple of public malls, and they
also sell wines such as Redneck Reserve
and Bootleggers White, fabulous presents for the folks back home.
Nearing the end of our trip, we made
a brief stop at the Rainforest Adventure,
an indoor zoo that houses exotic species
rescued from illegal importation.
Then it was time to visit Dolly's
statue in the town square. Here's the
woman that all this was built around, a
tiny buxom gal from the Great Smoky
Mountains. It's quite a phenomenon:
What one woman started, let no man
put asunder. But here in the eye of the
hurricane, it was completely quiet. We
were the only ones there, just us and
Dolly. Our pilgrimage was complete.
Time to pick up the pooch.
One of the highlights of our trip
was finding the Barker Lounge. This
place was fantastic! From outside it
looks like a nightclub, but inside it is
a clean, really well-run doggy facility.
One of the owners, Lory Popps, is an
extremely cool woman who broke her
knee carrying a rescue dog through
a snowstorm. We had never left our
10-month-old pooch at a daycare place
(dare I use the word "kennel") before,
so it was a momentous occasion for us.
Needless to say, come Sunday afternoon, there she was- mischievous,
tail wagging, a sparkle in her eye.
But Sevierville and the Great Smoky
Mountains will do that to you. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
67
TRAVEL
OUTSTAND NG
ORLANDO
THE MOST VISITED
DESTINATION IN THE
U.S. IS PERFECT FOR
QUEER KIDS AND
KIDS AT HEART.
BYMERRYNJOHNS
+++
If you need convincing that LGBT
travel is big business, look no farther
than Orlando. In 2011 alone, gay and
lesbian travelers spent about $3 billion here (according to the American
Hotel & Lodging Association and
Visit Orlando). Its burgeoning LGBT
community balances entertainment
with activism (see sidebar profile),
and no matter what your age or interests, there is plenty to do here, andbest of all-varied
accommodation
options.
Orlando stands out, especially for
lesbians with kids. At the Holiday Inn
Lake Buena Vista, with its affordable
68
CURVE
APRIL
2013
price and wealth of amenities, you'll
be perfectly situated to take in all the
excitement. From its massive swimming pool to its Mickey Mouse waffles
at breakfast, you have everything here
you need to keep the troops happy.
And what a lot of excitement there
is to take in. The Downtown Disney
Area at the Walt Disney World Resort
is a waterfront fantasia of retail and
entertainment.
The massive Epcot theme park
(originally Epcot Center), on 300
acres, requires an entire day to experience, if not more, and adult foodies
will appreciate the authentic International Food & Wine Festival held there
in the fall.
The Magic Kingdom will thrill the
little ones, but if you have teens and
tweens, Universal Orlando is a mustdo, if only for the Wizarding World of
Harry Potter (which will delight even
the most jaded adult). To avoid tantrums on these expeditions-including your own-don't forget to wear
walking shoes and bring sunscreen and
water, perhaps even an umbrella for
afternoon showers. Days exploring
Orlando's theme parks can be long,
hot, and humid, as well as happy.
If you are here in October and
your kids are old enough to handle
some Halloween horror, Pride at
Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios is a real scream and
not for the faint of heart.
But why should the kids have all
the fun? Adults should treat themselves to a sumptuous buffet breakfast at the Waldorf Astoria, the
Winter Park Walk and Leu Gardens,
and a nice glass of wine and dinner
at Sonoma, a rustic-style restaurant
in the very gay district of Thornton Park. Grown-up shopaholics
will find some real deals at Orlando
Premium Outlets, Vineland or the
huge Macy's in the Mall at Millenia.
And for a fun, relaxed dinner that
all the family can enjoy, Comedy
Night at Hamburger Mary's will give
you cheer with your cheeseburgers.
(visitorlando.com) •
I HOPE THATTHE
GAYGAMESCAN
SHOW OUR STATE
THATWEARE
PEOPLEWHO ARE
WORTHTHE SAME
RIGHTSTHATEVERY
HETEROSEXUAL
A resident of Orlando since 2007, Gaby Shulruff is
working full-time as project manager for Orlando 2018,
the bid to bring the Gay Games to Orlando. She's also
producing and directing the play Break Through: Bringing
Down the Barriers, and in her precious spare time she
tends bar at a local LGBTQ bar, Revolution Nightclub.
What keeps you here?
After doing research on both
Florida State University and the
University of Central Florida,
I found that Orlando was the
No.1 LGBT-populated city in
Florida. I wanted to go to a
school in a city that I could
flourish and grow in, and be my
full self in the process. After
graduating, I have stayed here
because of the amazing friends
I have made and the many
opportunities that have fallen
onto my plate.
Where is the gay neighborhood, where most lesbians
live in Orlando?
There isn't a specific gay or
lesbian district in Orlando.
However, the most heavily populated gay- and lesbian-friendly
area is definitely Thornton Park.
Second on my list would be
College Park.
What is the best lesbian bar in
Orlando?
Revolution Nightclub has a
lesbian night every Saturday,
which is always extremely busy
and a definite good time. The
only other bar that lesbians
frequent is the New Phoenix.
What is the best time of year
for lesbians to visit?
During June, for Gay Days, and
during October, for our annual
Come Out With Pride parade.
However, with the average
temperature of Orlando being
76 degrees, it's perfect to visit
any time of the year.
Your top five absolute mustdos for lesbians?
0 Go to Revolution Nightclub
on a Saturday night. It's the
best place to meet the local
ladies. Or hit up a Phish Fest
Happy Hour. It happens once
a month at different local bars
and restaurants.
f} Go to our local farmers markets, either at Lake Eola Park on
Sundays, which is absolutely
beautiful, or on Saturdays at
Winter Park.
C) For the outdoorsy lesbians,
canoeing, kayaking, camping
or fishing at the beautiful
Wekiwa Springs, one of
Florida's state parks.
G) One of my favorite places
to eat is definitely Dandelion
Communitea Cafe. It's known
for its delicious vegan food and
super-friendly atmosphere. If
you go, make sure to get the
Faken Lettuce and Tomato-it'll
surely make your taste buds
go crazy! Another restaurant
favorite would be Porn Pam's
Teahouse and Sandwicheria.
They are known for their
amazing sandwiches, and
are super gay-friendly.
0 Artsy lesbians should
definitely check out Blue Man
Group, the Mad Cow Theatre,
Sak Comedy Lab and The
Venue. The Venue is owned by
a popular lesbian, Baby Blue
Starr, who created, produces,
directs and choreographs the
amazing VarieTEASEshows. On
Thursdays, the Gender F*cks
perform, which is an awesome
drag king review.
Can you give us a peek behind
the scenes for Orlando 2018?
Orlando 2018 is currently in the
fight to bring the Gay Games
to Orlando. We have made it to
the top five, making us the only
U.S. city in the nation and the
only city in all the Americas.
My hopes and dreams are to
win this bid. It would be such
an amazing opportunity for
Orlando, bringing over $100
million in economic impact,
bringing over 13,000 athletes
to compete and 200,000
spectators to our "City Beautiful." As an activist and a person
who strives to create change
in this world, I want to ensure
we create a safe atmosphere
for all the people competing
or attending, regardless of
their race, sex, culture, gender
identity, sexual orientation,
etc. I also hope that the Gay
Games can show our state that
we are people who are worth
the same rights that every
heterosexual citizen has. In the
end, it's about having all 80plus countries come together
in a celebration of our Pride
through sports and cultural
events. I feel extremely blessed
and excited to be a part of this
massive endeavor, and hope
that it comes to fruition.
APRIL
2013
CURVE
69
TRAVEL
MEMPH S
MAG
WHY A VISIT
TO MEMPHIS
STARTS WITH ELVIS
AND ENDS WITH
ENCHANTMENT.
BY KELSY CHAUVIN
+++
70
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Icsmedasameccaformusic
lovers. ButunlikeN ewOrleans or Austin
or Chicago, Memphis was once home
to America's only king: Elvis Presley.
Graceland, his mansion, remains a
top reason why thousands of travelers
make this Mississippi River city their
destination. But there is far more to
enjoy about charming Memphis. It is
a true capital of Americana, and one of
the most fun and friendly destinations
in the South.
The first stop on your lez-friendly
visittothe "Home of the Blues" and the
"BirthplaceofRock 'n' Roll"will be Cooper-Young, the most eclectic and least
touristy neighborhood in town.Named
for the intersection of Cooper Street
and Young Avenue, this historic district has reinvented itself over the past
few decades. Today, its restored homes
and buildings draw a diverse (read:
gay) crowd, who come for its cafes,
galleries, vintage and antique shops,
and a mix of bars and restaurants.
Every September, the neighborhood
hosts the blowout Cooper-Young Festival, when all the cute Memphians take
over Cooper Street for the live music,
arts and crafts, and of course all manner of BBQ. It could be worth timing
your trip to catch this 25-year-old festival that the locals look forward to all
year. But then, the neighborhood is
always a great place to chill out, stroll
around, and take in a farmer's market
and other low-key to-dos.
While you're in the area, fill up
via the swift-moving line at Central
BBQ , which now has two other tasty
locations. You'll find all the grill
classics here: wet- or dry-rub ribs that
fall off the bone, brisket, pulled pork,
wings, and smoked turkey.
This being Memphis, you may
want to sample a few famed rib and
pork joints, all of which will leave
you satisfied. Up there with the best
are the Bar-B-Q Shop and Tops BarB-Q. If you're going for a little more
refinement, head to Sweetgrass or the
Cove, where you'll find fresh-shucked
oysters, shrimp and grits, and other
gourmet takes on Southern fare.
And then there is fried chicken, a
filling delicacy that rivals BBQ as the
locals' favorite. There's just one muststop joint: Gus's Fried Chicken, with a
location downtown at 310 S. Front St.,
as well as a truly authentic location just
north of Memphis-though it's tough
enough to find. You'd be better off asking for directions to 730 S. Mendenhall
Rd., from wherever you are.
In the heart of Cooper-Young is the
Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community
Center, founded in 1989-years ahead
of its time, especially in the Bible Belt.
It's a great resource for locals and visitors alike. Stop in to meet queers and
make friends, check out event, and get
tips on finding the best gay-friendly establishments.
Midtown is the larger district that
includes Cooper-Young. So while
you're in the 'hood, swing by Dru's
Place, the local lesbian watering hole.
Think pool tables and darts-the
better to help you strike up a conversation-as well as live music and
weekend karaoke. It's a beer bar where
you can bring in your own liquor, for
some of the cheapest drinking you'll
find in town. For more music and
dance in gay Memphis, near Dru's
you'll find Crossroads and the Pumping Station.
And listen up, y'all: Don't let the
absence of a rainbow flag in the window
DONTLETTHE
keep you away from these other funABSENCE
OF A
and eclectic clubs. On my recent visit, RAIN
BOWFLAGIN
95 percent of the lo~als I en~ountere_dTH E WIN
DOWKEEp
recommended Molhe Fontame's. It 1s
a local treasure-a gorgeously genu-YOLJ
AWAYFROM
ine three-story Victorian m~nsionTH
ESE
OTHERFLJN
converted to a lounge. Cocktails are
delightful, patrons are styled andAN
D ECLECTIC
friendly, and it's got live blues on tapCLLJ
BS
nightly. Bardog and Kudzu's are other
great downtown starting points to soak
up some beguiling Southern accents.
Beale Street has long been known
the world over for its live music and
street-fair-style playfulness. It is worth
a cruise, but excessive cover charges in
overcrowded venues are a quick turnoff
(as are the frattytypes and their bleachblond dates). However, one block over,
in the famous Peabody Hotel on Union
Street, drop in at Lansky Brothers,
"Clothiers to the King;' to see where
Elvis himself used to shop for his blue
suede shoes.
The Madison Hotel, a stone's throw
from Beale and the Riverwalk, is a
jazzy boutique option. Don't forget
raise a glass at the Madison's outdoor
rooftop patio, overlooking the Mississippi and beautiful Hernando de Soto
Bridge.
No trip to Memphis would be complete without a visit to Sun Records,
where Elvis made his first recordingas did Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison,
Jerry Lee Lewis, and many more (U2
came by just to record there). Today
•
you can stand in the very same studio
where it all began, and take in loads
of musical memorabilia on Sun's shortbut-fabulous history tour.
The National Civil Rights Museum
takes a more solemn approach to
history, standing as it does on the site
where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was
shot. The museum complex includes
the Lorraine Motel, where King was
killed, and the building where James
Earl Ray stood firing his rifle. Its
exhibits are highly informative and
deeply moving.
And, of course, there's Elvis. Most
people would never visit Memphis if it
weren't for Graceland-it is an experience unique to American culture, and
recalls a time when music shaped modern American history. The tour will set
you back at least $32 (more, if you want
to see his cars, airplanes, and special
exhibits), but the experience like is
nothing else on the planet and will be
something you remember forever.
But then, every good trip is.•
APRIL
2013
CURVE
71
THE SERIES FOLLOWS BO, a succubus-which
means
she feeds off the sexual energy of others-as she and her
best friend, a human girl named Kenzi (Ksenia Solo),
investigate crimes in the world of the Fae. Over the course
of the first two seasons, Bo has created her own family of
choice, which in addition to Kenzi, includes a werewolf
named Dyson, her mentor, Trick (tavern owner by day,
secret Blood King by night), Hale (a siren cop turned leader of the Light Fae) and Lauren, a brilliant human doctor
who works for the Light Fae. Along the way, Bo has learned
how to feed without killing, she has defied both the Light
and Dark Fae to remain unaligned, and she has defeated a
world-destroying monster called the Garuda-an experience that may or may not have unlocked something dark
within Bo herself (When asked if that's the case, Silk deftly
dodges the question, so we'll just have to watch and see.)
After two seasons of relationship near-misses (the
small matter of Lauren's secret girlfriend, who's in a coma,
and Bo's brief fling with a Dark Fae), season three kicks
off with Bo and Lauren finally making it official-a daring
move for a series that has kept the audience on its toes with
love triangles and relationships always in flux. Even Silk
and Palmer were surprised by the speedy turn of events.
"I remember getting the first episode of the season, getting the script, and being like, 'Wow, OK!" says Silk. " 'I
kind of knew that was going to lead to that but wow, this is
happening in this episode, OK!' Which was an interesting
choice, I think, for the producers."
Palmer, though surprised as well, was all for the change
in pace. "We were both excited to see that they would be
together from the first episode, but it was a bold choice and
it was a big choice, and in retrospect I think that it was a big
choice to get them together right out of the gate."
Silk adds, "I have to admit that I questioned it in the
beginning. I did question the speed at which we got together.
I wondered about how that would play out, but I think it was
a good choice and definitely a bold one."
But the audience is not at all ambivalent about their
relationship, responding vocally in favor of the duo. The
TV couple has inspired various fan blogs, Tumblrs and
YouTube video montages. They even won E!'s 2013 TV's
Top Couples poll, beating out Glee's Brittany and Santana. But perhaps most telling of all is that Lauren and Bo
have received their own relationship name amalgamation:
"Doccubus" (as in doctor plus succubus), an honor Silk
and Palmer never dreamed they would receive in their lifetimes. Both actors are incredibly touched and grateful for
the, shall we say, spirited response they've received from
fans-which has included multiple marriage proposals.
"I'm more sure now than I ever have been that we actually
do have the best fans in TV history;' says Palmer.
For anyone who has seen the two on screen together, it's no
surprise that they have earned such a passionate following.
The chemistry between Silk and Palmer is incredible-from
the first episode in which Palmer's character examines Bo
and can barely remain professional, and it's only become
more intense as time goes on. Palmer explains how their
chemistry has evolved over the years. "What's great about
having a history now is that we know each other really well
and so there's a comfort there. We're able to kind of explore
stuff a little bit now because we're relaxed. The first couple
of sex scenes with anyone are hard because you're trying
to figure out where everyone is comfortable, and whether
they're OK if I do this and are you OK ifl do that. So now we
can just go for it:'
While we can appreciate that Bo is currently in domestic
bliss and playing doctor with her, well, doctor, one of Bo's
defining characteristics from the very beginning has been
her bisexuality, a sexual identity that has historically gotten a bum rap on TV, depicted as a phase (remember Alice
Pieszecki in season one of The L Word?), or bisexuality
as a device for titillation (The O.C., Nip/Tuck, we could
go on). However, Lost Girl is bucking this tradition by taking a progressive stance on bisexuality. Over the course of
the series, Bo has had two serious relationships, one with a
man and now one with Lauren, and each relationship has
been given equal weight, both emotionally and physically.
All too often, same-sex relationships are treated more
chastely than their hetero counterparts on TV; not so on
Lost Girl, which gleefully focuses on Bo's sexual conquests
regardless of their gender.
In terms of attraction, Bo doesn't favor one gender over
the other, and this has remained consistent. And while she
is an unapologetically sexual creature, she is also shown to
be capable of monogamy-when she wants to be.
Palmer recognizes the importance of bisexual visibility.
"Bisexuality, as a sexuality, is often judged kind of harshly.
It really is. People really want people to be either gay or
straight, and gay people I feel have as much difficulty
sometimes understanding bisexuality as straight people
have understanding any other sexuality at times." Lost Girl
is working hard to change that perception, one steamy
gender-flipping episode at a time.
For this enlightened take on Bo's sexuality, we have the
show's creator, Michelle Lovretta, to thank. In an interview with The Watercooler, she says, "I also really wanted
to defend the bisexual community and counter some sad
tropes out there (bisexuals are sluts, can't commit, are just
afraid to be gay, yadda yadda), while also valuing and representing female friendships that have nothing sexualized
about them at all."
Because ofLovretta, the show has a generally sex-positive
attitude. In the same interview she explains that prior to the
first season she set down some internal rules with regard to
76
CURVE
APRIL
2013
the way sexuality would be portrayed in Lost Girl-there
would be no slut shaming, that Bo's partners regardless of
gender would be equally visible, and that sexual orientation
would not be an issue, ever. It's an attitude that Palmer
appreciates, saying, "I think that along with gender, what's
great about Lost Girl as a whole is that a lot of issues that
people have in the real world, we don't have on our show:'
For Silk, this speaks to a larger culture of acceptance in
the Lost Girl universe, which the actor welcomes. "What's
great about Lost Girl as a whole is that a lot of issues that
people have in the real world, we don't. All kinds of topics,
be it sexuality, be it gender [or even disability] ...they're
really never mentioned, and personally I've always been
proud of our show for those sorts of things. I love that we get
to play in this world that I would like to live in."
Both Palmer and Silk refer to one of those issues, the
social consequences women still face in being openly sexual.
Thanks to Lovretta's stance on slut shaming, Bo is not only
able to be a fully realized sexual being, but she is even able
derive power from it (both figuratively and literally).
"[Bo's approach to sexuality is] unapologetic. I love
that what was such a source of shame for her growing up
has become her greatest source of power," says Silk. "I
think there's such an amazing message behind that. She is
who she is and there's no judgment on it. An interviewer
asked me once about whether or not I was afraid of religious groups coming after me for portraying this character
and honestly it had never occurred to me. I'm sure there's
people who would not like this character but I don't really
hear from them. For the most part it's just been completely
embraced:'
Lost Girl isn't afraid to explore all different sorts of
relationships, from casual dating to monogamy and everything in between, and in season three the show is tackling
polyamory. Though Bo and Lauren
are committed to their relationship, the amount of sexual energy
Bo needs to take in would be fatal
to a human, so in a very literal
sense she cannot get everything
she needs from her partner Lauren. The two are negotiating the
challenges of opening up a relationship for the first time, setting
rules and boundaries, and all the
emotional processing that goes
along with it. Silk wonders what
her audience thinks of the storyline. "I imagine that one half of
some couple looks to the other one
and says, 'Could you ever do that?
Could you ever let me go off and
sleep with other people?' I mean,
their relationship looks so kind
of traditional in some ways, and it's so amazingly not that
in other ways, in that Lauren can't give Bo what she needs.
And that conversation of 'I can't give you enough and you
need to go and essentially have sex with other people' must
have brought stuff up for people, for couples who're watching the show."
Equality in all its forms is a major, if unspoken, moral
value in the Lost Girl universe. Both men and women hold
positions of power: The Light Fae are lead by a man, and
the Dark Fae take their marching orders from the very
sexy and very female Morrigan (Emmanuelle Vaugier).
One of the joys of the series is its multitude of strong and
nuanced women, a fact that hasn't escaped Silk. "There's
no real female character on our show that is sort of this
victim character. I think all the women on our show are
strong. They might have various backgrounds-they
might have been victimized in the past-but they're not
portrayed that way. I am proud to be part of something
that has such strong women."
For Bo being strong means kicking all manner of supernatural booty (in head to toe leather, by the way). But for
Lauren, that strength comes from her intellect. This, along
with her unique skill set, makes her an indispensable ally,
but it can also make for some tricky pillow talk. "There are
times where it's hard for me to get through a scene because,
you know, we'll have a sex scene;' laughs Palmer, "and I'll
burst into science, medical jargon, and I'm like, 'Who does
this? Who would ever say this line, in this moment, but
Lauren Lewis? God bless her, she takes the opportunity to
[apply] science whenever she possibly can. And we kind of
all love her for it."
Silk chimes in. "Smart is sexy, and Zoie really does it so
well. It really looks like she knows what she's talking about;'
she laughs. "I think one of my favorite things happened in
first season where Zoie had a stethoscope on and she's listening to this woman's chest and she's saying how it doesn't
look good and we're filming. It's so serious and she does it
so well, and you really believe that she's a doctor and she's
in control of the situation-and she didn't have the stethoscope in her ears! But, you know, she makes it work:'
"I commit!" laughs Palmer. "You know, I sometimes
have to just break my lines up into just syllables. Like just
say all the syllables in the right order, because I have absolutely no idea what I'm saying. Not a clue."
All joking aside, if there is one thing both Silk and
Palmer take seriously it's their responsibility to their
lesbian and female audiences, a responsibility both to
represent and entertain them. As we ended our interview
with Silk and Palmer, each of the women had a message
for their audience:
"I've always seen Bo as a really great role model. I mean,
she's been a great role model to me," laughs Silk. "I've gotten letters that say, like, 'Thanks for making me brave; and
that really means a lot to me, and I think that Bo definitely
has made me more brave, too. Anytime that you can portray
a character on TV that's a female character who's found her
way to empowerment I just think that's so, so important,
and I'm glad it resonates the way that it does because it's
resonated with me that way!'
Palmer adds, "We have a very big lesbian audience,
and I think it's great that there is a couple that's on television that is represented as respectfully and as well as this
couple is. But even bigger than this, I think that what I
want people to take from the show is that people are people,
and we're all a little bit different, and it's something to
really celebrate and to not be ashamed of-whatever you
are, whoever you are, whoever you love, whatever your
size and color and all of those things. It's not just OK but
it's fantastic." •
Prodigy is responsiblefor the critically acclaimed television
series Lost Girl, which is currently airing its third season on
Showcase in Canada and Syfy in the U.S. Founded in 2006
by Jay Firestone and laterjoined by Producer VanessaPiazza,
Prodigy Pictures leads the way in the production of quality
film, television and cross-plaiform media.
APRIL
2013
CURVE
77
Dining at The Dalloway
Where drinks, fine dining and NYC. dykes are on the menu.
BY JILLIAN EUGENICS
sk a New York City lesbian
about the scene in New York
City, and she'll probably
shake her head and give a
disappointed shrug. In a city where
it's easy to locate a cuddling party or a
class on the Irish tin whistle, finding a
lesbian bar that's the right mix of glam
and happy hour just isn't that simple.
What Manhattan has been missing
is what Los Angeles has enjoyed for
over a decade at The Abbey in West
Hollywood-a venue that's a local
gay bar and a restaurant welcoming
enough to take your parents to for
Sunday brunch. But now, seemingly
out of a black hole, The Dalloway has
appeared as the new star on the New
York lesbian nightlife scene.
"I wanted to find somewhere that
was a little bit broader and gave people
more of a range of the type of people
they might meet;' says Kim Stolz, a
former contestant on America's Next
Top Model and the co-owner of The
Dalloway. She's opened the bar and
restaurant with her friend Amanda
A
78
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Leigh Dunn, of The Real L Word. "I feel
like the community is just expanding
more and more in my eyes, and we've
hopefully been able to give those people a home;' Stolz says.
Before The Dalloway opened, last
December, Stolz and Dunn imagined
it as just a bar. But then they met
Vanessa Miller-and her delectable
short ribs. Miller, a chef from Boston, had been looking to move to New
York and whipped up a sample menu
for Stolz and Dunn in the hope that
they'd reconsider their options for
the new venture.
"Wejust looked at each other and had
to change the whole concept, because
she's amazing;' says Dunn, speaking
of the scallops, Brussels sprouts and,
yes, short ribs Miller had brought for
them to try.
The Dalloway found a two-story
home in lower Manhattan, with the
restaurant above the bar. A copy of
Virginia Woolf's famous novel Mrs.
Dalloway (the restaurant is a namesake) has a spot near the host stand.
There's dinner every night and brunch
on weekends, with special events
throughout the week, like game night
on Wednesdays.
There's also a singles night on Tuesdays, which has proven to be popular.
"There's three different bracelets that
we give out at the door;' Dunn says.
The choices are Single, Taken, or DTF
(Down to Fuck). At the first singles
night, the bar ran out of DTF bracelets,
Dunn laughs.
On a recent evening, the lights at
The Dalloway were low, the crowd
well-heeled. More than a few tables
had couples who looked like they
were on dates, and it isn't hard to
cozy up in a place outfitted in dark
wood and exposed brick, and with a
gas-powered fireplace. "Earlier in the
week, it's definitely a date spot," Dunn
says. As the weekend approaches,
things liven up.
But on any night of the week, you'll
find lesbians mingling and making The
Dalloway their own, pulling up chairs
at the bar and writing on the wall.
Seriously, every night someone has to
clean the large chalkboard that has
been installed downstairs near the bar.
The chalkboard was Dunn's idea, and
both she and Stolz write quotes on it.
But the chalk is right there for anyone
to use, and often girls write each other's
names in a heart. Actually, as the night
gets later, more and more raunchiness
make its way onto the board. "Somebody found a way to write on the ceiling
the other night;' Dunn says. "Not sure
how that happened:'
A lesbian bar-where the lights are
low, the food is great and anything
can happen-well, that sounds mighty
tasty indeed. (thedallowaynyc.com) •
MARKIT
CIVIL UNIONS Now LEGALFOR ALL IN HAWAII
KOllli'..:O:-.: Rl\lllli'..:I
\:-.Jl)RJ\l()l:-.:1,
www.pearlskeywest.com
S2SUnited
Street• KeyWest,FL33040
1.800.749.6696
• MemberIGLTA
Nooki
.com
Your
corner
of the
nun
world.
lock
and
Feeling
the
GotKids?WantKids?
Subscribe to Gay Parent magazine,
a leader in gay parenting resources.
Visit our website
www.gayparentmag.com
~.!y~ent.
l!l.
·~i;
Boxn
Start
Fabulous!
theG EM hotel.com/LG BT
NEW YORK CITY
Chelsea
I Midtown
West I SoHo
Trip Out!
wilhlhe2013
Damron Women's Traveller
]jpf~f{'~f.l
~~~~'.
·\:· ~
~
•~
m
'.;,-;;.:;::·'.:·;;;,
~~-
~;:-~
~gT~~baoT,a.e!Ooid;
~--,
-:..,
m
::,:J
....
···~
Women's resorts, bars,
cafes, clubs, restaurants
& more, across the US,
Canada, Europe
& beyond.
Plus women's festivals,
pride celebrations,
leather events,
film festivals
& more worldwide!
Call for a free catalog
800/462-6654
or visit us on line
www.damron.com
get Gurl Scout
by Damron
on your iPhone
SGUT
by0AMRON
APRIL
2013
CURVE
79
TLOOKtSTARS
Oh-So-Sexy Spring
Warmer days bring the rambunctious energies of Aries
to swill, thrill and overfill. ev CHARLENE LICHTENSTEIN
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Jessie J turns 25,
March 27
ARIES ~i§
(March 21-April 20) i§
You can always spot i§
i§
a Sapphic Ram by i§
her strong, bold, i§
proud and forthright i§
i§
appearance. There i§
she stands, with i§
shoulders squared i§
i§
and hands on i§
her ample hips, i§
practically begging for i§
i§
a confrontation. But i§
the truth is that these i§
gals are usually just i§
i§
as ready for a bear i§
hug or something i§
a bit warmer and i§
i§
wetter. They have an i§
immense capacity i§
for love and affection i§
i§
and a robust sexual i§
appetite, if you i§
decide to give them i§
i§
a taste. Don't let their i§
aggressively feisty i§
appearance dissuade i§
i§
you; they are lambs i§
between the sheets i§
i§
i§
i§
i§
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor
i§
of HerScopes:
A Guide
toAstrologyi§
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-i§
tinyur/.
com/Her
Scopes.i§
i§
Nowavailable
asanebook. 1/,
80
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Lambda Rams are ready to
rock the scene, no matter what
scene it is. You are brimming
with energy, charisma and
confidence. (So what else is
new?) Do you have a couple of
new ideas? Releasethem and
give them room to expand.
Some influential ladies will
give you a helping hand. So
go and make an impactful
first impression.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
There is something unsettled
and restless about you this
month. Comfortable daily routines and familiar surroundings
begin to cloy. When Lionesses
feel trapped, they lose all interest. So charge up your life and
feed your inner cravings with a
delicious trip far afield to someplace exotic and spicy. If time
and budget are tight, loosen up
closer to home.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
There is so much going on
behind the scenes it will be
difficult to focus your attention
on what is in front of you. But
clever Sapphic Bulls are able
to balance both easily. Don't
be shocked if there is someone
who sweeps you off your feet.
Just be sure that you pack a
pillow for the eventual landing
back to earth. Be a bit of a pillow queen with April.
Prim and proper Vestal Virgos
know how to raise a grrl's
temperature this April. You
exude steamy sexuality even
if it is bundled up in a tight
austere package of cotton and
lace. Go with your instinctual
animal flow and see whom
you can pour into your cup.
Remember, less is more which
then leads to much more than
you expect.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23)
Bosom buddies know just what
you need and give it to you
in dollops now. But don't just
take, take, take. The secret to
true happiness is to find out
what they need and give it right
back at them. One thing leads
to another ...and another. Before
you know it the frenzy builds to
a lusty climax. Use those April
showers to cool off!
If you are in a relationship, this
is the month to demonstrate
the depth of your commitment.
If you are searching for your
soul mate, it is a great time to
get out and check the possibilities. Libras yearn for long
term lovergrrls but you need to
decide what is and what is not
important to you in a partnership. Loyalty? Sex? Power? A
naked chef might be nice.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
Anything fun, frivolous and
feisty will spark your imagination and move you into popular
and select circles of influence
now. Don't be shy. Express
yourself in any way you can:
write, dance, perform or even
toss the perfect A-lister party
that includes a bevy of beautiful
fun-makers. Tongues will be
wagging for weeks.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
As much as you would like to
relax, April brings new professional opportunities that need
your full attention and quick,
decisive action. Keep an eye
out for the signal, whether it
is a perk project or a perky
action. You have been waiting
too long on the sidelines for the
chance to make your big move
on your own terms. Will it be up
or will it be out?
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Whatever you have on your "to
do" list this April, roll up your
sleeves, concentrate and just
do it. There is plenty of time to
smell the flowers in May. For
those Scorpios who lack some
of that relentless drive, try to
delegate as you charge up
your tail with a healthy dose of
exercise. Don't let your get-upand-go get up and go.
Implement some long
delayed home improvement
projects that turn your humble
home into an entertainment
destination. That may
mean anything from simple
decorating to grand scale
renovating. Then put out the
welcome mat and see who
wanders by. Become the
hostess with the mostess.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
There is no one more eloquent
and compelling than an
Aqueerian woman who is
inspired and infused with great
ideas and grand visions. How
great and grand they are will
only be limited by your creativity
and confidence. So really, there
are no limits. Use your gift of
gab to sway hearts and minds.
And, while you are at it, maybe
even a few bodies too.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
Guppies need to focus on their
finances with an eye toward
saving for a cushy early retirement. Money may be tight now,
but you know what you need
to do to grow your nest egg.
Do the research, ask advice
and take calculated risks. You
could become a well-endowed
benefactress who spreads
her largess on notable worthy
causes. Is that what they are
calling it these days?
PRODUCED BY
& BENEFITING:
JUNE 2-8, 2013
AIDSLif eCycle.org
2 decades of commitment
Register today and Save $30
Discount code CURVE
Can't join us for the ride? Become a Virtual Cyclist. Register today!
See all items with this value
-
o
74470
80539
7
CURVE JUST
GOT COOLER.
VIDEO+ANIMATION+
ADVANCED NAVIGATION ...
YOU'LL WANT TO TOUCH.
APRIL
2013
COVER PHOTO BY MATT BARNES/COURTESY
OF PRODIGY PICTURES/
SHOWCASE
APRIL
2013
CURVE
1
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////2
IN EVERYISSUE
6
EDITOR'S NOTE
8
FEEDBACK
9
CURVETTES
10
THE GAYDAR
28
SCENE
80
STARS
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 THIS IS WHAT A
LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE
29
Jamaican music sensation
Kat C.H.R.
12
PET GIFT GUIDE
Cute concepts for four-legged
family and the people that
love them.
14
HOT TEE
15
HEALTH
An at-home conception
device puts the sexy back in
baby-making.
By Molly Williams
33
BOOKS
17
SHE SAID
Georgiou
VIEWS
STYLE
18
40
OUT IN FRONT
POLITICS
Remembering two pioneering women who changed the
course of lesbian lives.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
22
TWO OF US
Our monthly profile of lesbian
couples who live, love and
work together.
24
2013
FILM
Shelly Doty makes cinematic
history with her new fulllength animated feature
film, Strange Frame.
LESBOFILE
across the country.
APRIL
31
16
20
CURVE
MUSIC
Jill-of-all-trades Maia Sharp is
a guitar-toting, genre-defying
musician and must-add to
your playlist. By Steph Castor
Meet the author behind a
chilling fantasy novel about
mama drama. By Ellen
18 IN CASE YOU
MISSED IT... News from
2
12
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
WILD AT HEART
Tomboy couture continues
with new fashion label
Wildfang, featuring some of
our favorite celesbians as
models. By Molly Williams
78 DINING AT THE
DALLOWAY
The lesbian glitterati have
transformed New York City's
lesbian nightlife into a scene
worthy of a supermodel and
her pals. By Jillian Eugenios
CALVIN KLEIN JEANS
THE COLLECTOR'S JACKET
Jean jacket. 89.50.
V-neck tee. 29.50.
Cropped jeans.
69.50. All for misses.
MACY'S BY APPOINTMENT
Contact Linda Lee & her
personal shoppers for our free
service. Make an appointment
today. Call 1-800-343-0121 or
log on to macys.com/mba
ESTAR*
CAN PUT IT ALL TOGETHER
cci
CV)
0
0
N
0
CV)
e!
0
t,
>,
...0
ccu
>
>,
cu
E
C
0
"-B
(J)
Q)
Cf)
~
C
cu
Cf)
-»
u
cu
~
ro
u
__Q
:S
0
>,
+--'
cu
~
(J)
·;::
ro
u
(J)
...0
0C
>,
cu
E
(J)
Cf)
i5
C
cu
...c
~
(J)
E
~
(J)
Cf)
·-e
(J)
>
~
1
the magic of
*
rl199t~
Curve's online selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
I
MARRIED
IN MAINE
Maine celebrated
the legalization of
same-sex marriage
on Dec. 29, 2012.
CAPTURINGLOVE:
THE ART OF SAME-SEX
WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHY
And we celebrate the
passage of this law
When it comes to engagement and wedding portraits,
with portraits of the
what works for straight couples might not work for you. A
first gay weddings
new guide to same-sex wedding photography will inspire
you with its showcase of 46 same-sex couples sharing their
that took place in
special days in unique, authentic and intimate images.
Portland courtesy
Become inspired to work on your own dream wedding.
of HooplaHa.com, a
website that reports
ACTIVISM GETS
A PUNCHLINE
Donlletthejokesfoolyou.
While comic Belinda Carroll is
happy making you laugh, she
is just as motivated to make
you think. An activist since her
teens, Carroll shares with us
how she has been serving her
community for more than
two decades.
4
CURVE
APRIL
2013
on life with a smile.
CASTING CALL:
LESBIANSEX 101
Participate in critically
acclaimed lesbian sex and
sexuality author Jude Schell's
highly charged, featurelength, sexy, sophisticated
and provocative erotic digital
multimedia project that
celebrates female sexuality.
Diverse couples, friends and
singles, of all body types and
comfortable with on-camera
nudity and lesbian sex are
encouraged to apply.
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
CurvePlus
amily matters are often complex for lesbians. Every step
along the way-from coming out to conception-can be
fraught with disappointment and discrimination. But what
we lack in visibility, acceptance or legal protection, we often
make up for in love. Many of us are lucky enough to have a
strong and supportive chosen family; some of us are well down the
path of creating our own blended or biological families; even more of
us are content with a four-legged family.
This is our Family issue and in it we chose to celebrate several
generations, including an often overlooked but growing group,
lesbian elders. We all need to work toward comfort and community
for them-after all, what we want for ourselves is what we should want
for one another.
I'd also like to take a moment
to thank my work family. The
Curve team and its readers give
me so much joy each month
that it's hard for me to imagine
experiencing the passage of
time in any other context. And
with each issue of our magazine
we hope to make you feel like
family, too.
This month, we have
exciting news: Our publisher,
Silke Bader, has announced the
launch of Curve+, a luxe digital
edition of your favorite lesbian
magazine. It's now available to
download as a single issue or as
a subscription through iTunes, Nook, Kindle or Google Plus.
"While we are committed to deliver Curve as a print publication, we
are also excited to launch Curve+, offering greater content discoverability, innovative reading experiences and high-impact advertising
on leading tablet devices that get consumers more deeply engaged;'
says Silke.
I was thrilled after I test-drove Curve+. It's everything I love about
our magazine with cool additional elements such as interactive buttons,
advanced navigation, embedded videos, live links, animation and
more. On behalf of Silke and the Curve family, I'm delighted and very
proud to give you a little something extra to enhance your lesbian
lifestyle and give lesbians everywhere a place on the frontlines of the
digital revolution.
F
~~
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
6
CURVE
APRIL
2013
APRIL
2013
LESBIAN
» VOLUME
MAGAZINE
23 NUMBER
3
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGING EDITOR Rachel Shatto
BOOK REVIEWEDITOR Rachel Pepper
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Jillian Eugenics, Sheryl Kay, Jess McAvoy,
Stephanie Schroeder
EDITORIALASSISTANTS Elizabeth Estochen, Rekara Gage,
Liz Nguyen, Molly Williams
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Laura McConnell
ADVERTISING
EASTCOAST SALES
Robin Perron (910) 795-0907,
robin@curvemagazine.com
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
BUSINESSDEVELOPMENT
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Stefanie Liang
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam L.
Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Traci
Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Jill Goldstein, Lisa Gunther,
Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman, Charlene
Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey, Jess
McAvoy, Ariel Messman-Rucker, Emelina Minero, Laurie
K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson,
Allison Steinberg, Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull,
Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Erica Beckman, Meagan Cignoli, JD
Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes, Syd London, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE (415) 871-0569
FAX (510) 380-7487
ADVERTISINGSALES(415) 692-5420
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070
(toll-free in
us only)
(818) 286-3102 (outside US)
ADVERTISINGEMAIL advertising@curvemag.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 23 Issue 3 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published
monthly (except for bimonthly January/February
and July/
August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034.
Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds
only) and $89.95 international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks
will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid
at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices
(USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be
reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name
or photograph
of any persons or organizations
appearing,
advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication
of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless
specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited
manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any
representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions
cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope
is included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages.
The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions of the
editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly.
Subscription Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC.,
PO Box 467 New York NY 10034, email crvcs@magserv.com.
Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster: Send
Canadian address changes to crvcs@magserv.com, Curve, PO
Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8. Send U.S. address changes to
crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,
CA 91615-7138. Printed in the U.S.
curve mag.com
pandoraevents jetBlue·
DESIGN BY: MARIA ESPINAL 305.776.6901
curve
~andcc
r~c~cnts
~~OOJshe
MAGAZINE
DAMR8N
BETSY
POST
ON
FACEBOOK!
Thebestcomment
posted
each
month
could
winyouafree
digital
subscription!
Huh Her ["Uh Huh Heartbreak;' Vol. 23#2] ! I'm a
longtime fan of the group
and can't wait to see what's
in store for these incredibly
talented ladies. Please keep
up the great work following
their relationship and career,
... ya'll are the best at it. Oh,
and if you ever have the
chance to see them live ...
Go! They are awesome.
-Lauren T. Cox, Fort
Smith, Ariz.
Thanks For the Memories
Jen for the Win
I have been reading Curve
since I was a 17-year-old,
in-the-closet, Midwest high
school student. Eleven years
later, I realize how important your magazine is for
our community. Thank you.
-Maria Pearson,
Rocliford, Ill.
I wanted to thank Curve for
showcasing the beautiful
and talented Jen Foster
["Fostering Success," Vol.
22#10]. Jen is a rising star
and this editorial really
catapulted her to the next
level.-Morgan, Woodland
Hills, Calif.
Uh Huh, Yes!
It's a Girl's World
Thank you so much for your
awesome interview with Uh
You and your editorial team
are doing a great job with
WHAT
DOES
YOUR
FAMILY
LOOK
LIKE?
5%
Other
It's my partner and I and
our blended family
12%
It's my partner and
I and our kids
12%
It's me, my parents
and/or siblings
14%
It's my partner and I
Curve magazine,
WRITE
LISIPO Box 467,
New York, NY 10034
Send to:
Email: letters@curvemagazine.com
Fax: 510.380.7487
Online: curvemag.com/letters
8
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Beautiful Butches
Thank you, thank you for
finally giving butches some
sustained fashion editorial.
It makes me feel so good to
see hot butches wearing hot
clothing. Way to go, keep it
coming! -Cole J.,
Jersey City, N. J.
Slipped our Minds
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
6%
Curve. Thank you for rescuing this cherished lesbian
publication from extinction.
I love the upbeat tone and
breadth of coverage. The
only feedback I'd like to
provide is the over-reliance
on travel articles featured
in each issue. With so much
going on worldwide that is
impacting LGBT politics,
lifestyles, entertainment,
etc., it would be nice to
see additional coverage
on some of these stories.
It would make an already
excellent magazine even
better! -Olga Gikas,
Jacksonville, Fla.
I was disappointed with
the Lube Job article
[Vol. 23#1] As a former
upscale women's sex store
employee, Hathor Pure
was left off the organiccentric list! Hathor is a
great product and is also a
women-owned business.
I'd also like to see a smidge
more education around
different types oflube and
the chemicals. Thank you
Curve for being an awesome
lesbian magazine. Yay!
-Haley, Charlotte, N.C.
Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/customerservice.
✓
subscribe
renew
✓ pay your bill
✓
✓
✓
get missing issues
change address
✓ give a gift
Posts from our
Facebook fans
facebook.com/curvemag
I LOVELOVELOVEthat y'all
have MeganRapinoeon the
cover of the new issue. I am
a hugefan of hers and the
rest of the USWNT!!I cannot
wait to get this at Hastings!
They better have it. Thanks
Again!-Kristi Padilla
I LOVEMEGAN.SHE'SSO
CUTE!!!!-Ro Romi
Thankyou Curve for
FINALLYshowingthe
girl some love! I've been
beggingfor this for 3
years!!!And I loves me
some Pinoe!-Vickie Smith
YEESS!!!-JozieJatczak
Mm hmm!Loveher!
-Sarah Stout
Got my dude in the mail
today! -Patty Reagan
I finally got my first issue of
the mag. I am in HEAVEN!!!!!!
-Debi Ne/lessen
POST
OF
THE
MONTH
A while ago my partner
Kathy, who was battling
lung cancer, and I had
our picture on your page
when you were posting
photos of families.
Sadly, on the 16th of
January, with the help
of hospice, she passed
away peacefully. My
daughter and I, among
many who loved her, are
devastated by the loss,
but I wanted to thank
all of the people who
posted kind words and
prayers for us.
-Shari McGinnesHeath
CORRECTION
The URLfor Wild Women
Expeditions[Vol.23#2] is
wildwomenexpeditions.com.
REKARAGAGE
MOLLY WILLIAMS
STEPHCASTOR
SYD LONDON
Editorial assistant Rekara Gage
is a writer who spends her free
time working on a debut novel
and any other writing projects
that she can get her hands on.
Before joining the Curve team
she interned with Black Dance
Magazine and a variety of small
and large press publishers.
In 2009, she received a gold
medal in poetry at the national
ACT-SO competition sponsored
by the NAACP. Follow her on
Twitter @R3kara and check out
her exclusive interview with
rising indie rocker Kat C.H.R,
on being out in Jamaica and
touring the country on page 11.
Editorial assistant Molly
Williams is an avid writer
who, when she's not stalking
the fashion biogs, is plotting
her Hollywood takeover and
working on her novel, a story
about gender and sexuality
in the South. Currently up to
her neck in Chicago snow,
she's relocating this spring
to chase the dream in sunny
Los Angeles. Tune in to her
on Twitter, @Pens_n_lnk,to
follow her journey. In this issue
Molly channels her passion for
fashion with an interview with
the minds behind Wildfang on
page 40.
Steph is a freelance writer,
poet and musician currently
residing in Lawrence, Kan.
Originally a performance
artist, she attended Columbia
College Chicago as well as
the University of Kansas for
Creative Writing, having
workshopped with artists
such as Andrea Gibson and
Kate Bornstein. Along with
Curve, she currently writes
for various music sites
including GuitarWorld.com
and RevolverMag.com. She
began playing guitar at age
eleven and is the guitarist for
the up-and-coming queer and
all-female indie rock group,
Grenadina. She enjoys indie
music, Mack Amplifiers, Fender
guitars, hip-hop, vegan food
and a tasty glass of lemonade.
Syd holds a deep reverence
for the potential power of
the photographic image.
Her passion is storytelling of
subcultures that are often
ignored, misunderstood or
mis-portrayed. The experiences
of being queer in New York
City and how it intersects with
homelessness, the shelter
system, public healthcare,
disability, organizing and the
performing arts have been the
subject of Syd's ongoing photo
documentary since 2007. A
portion was featured in A New
Queer Agenda, published by
Barnard Center for Research
on Women in 2012. Recently
Syd's photographs of Hurricane
Sandy's aftermath were
accepted into the NY Photo
Festival's exhibit "SANDY:
Devastation, Document, Drive."
APRIL
2013
CURVE
9
DS
p
I THEGAVDAR
~W1,~ITakes one
~
~
I
to know one? Let our gaydar help
you decide who's hot who's not who's
shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
BY RACHEL SHATTO
~
WTF! Both Lip Service and The
Real L Word get the axe. Where are
we supposed to get our glamorous
dyke drama fix now?
President Obama officially earns lesbro status with
his shout out to his "gay brothers and sisters" in his
inauguration speech and by pledging to include
same-sex couples in immigration reform
Whitney Houston
may have sounded
like an angel, but her
mother discussing her
daughter's rumored
bisexuality with Oprah
is like fingernails on a
chalkboard
Geek goddess
Felicia Day reprises
her role as Charlie
the lesbian hacker
on Supernatural and
kicks butt, makes
LARPing cool and
even gets the girl in
the end-huzzah!
Jodie Foster brings
down the house
at the 70th Annual
Golden Globes
with a coming out
speech which was
more about privacy
and career change.
Close enough!
Artist Bronwyn
Lundberg puts a
dykey spin on The
Last Supper with
her parody portrait
featuring Ellen
DeGeneres, Wanda
Sykes and Rachel
Maddow ...talk about
your fantasy A-list
dinner party
Gaybies everywhere! Chely
Wright and Lauren Blitzer
announce they are expecting
twins, and Rosie O'Donnell
and Michelle Rounds adopt a
beautiful baby girl
Our forever crush (seriously, since
the '90s) and American Horror Story:
Asylum star Clea Duvall is spotted
smooching a lucky brunette in a
romantic park rendezvous in L.A.
10
CURVE
Tegan and Sara drop some
hilarious and adorkable
"how to be a heartthrob"
knowledge on Andy
Samberg that has the SNL
star alternately channeling
Madonna, Joey McIntire
and Cyndi Lauper
APRIL
2013
Step aside Dave
Letterman! Foxy blonde
Heidi Hamilton is
bringing her Sapphic
sass to late night TV via
LOGO's That Sex Show
Autostraddle's queer paper
dolls, featuring lesbian
fashion icons Beth Ditto and
Jenna Lyons by artist Rosa
Middleton, blow us away!
Guess how many seconds it
took before we started making all our dolls kiss
Who says the islands can't
rock? Edgy, out and proud
Jamaican Kat C.H.R is ready to
shake up the indie music world.
ON BEINGOUTIN JAMAICA:You don't go
to the international airport with a rainbow
flag and say, "I'm here" but it wasn't that
bad for me ...it wasn't great...but Jamaica
is a beautiful island and I'm proud to say
that I'm from there. And Jamaica loves me
still! That's the thing. They don't even know
why they're homophobic. Homophobia
is damn near embedded in Jamaican
culture. But what I want to know is how so
much hate can come from a country that
birthed reggae music and the message of
"one love." I love Jamaica and Jamaica has
shown me lots of love.
ON HERGROWINGAUDIENCE:It's great. I
never thought people would come out to
hear me. And they come in crowds and
they're mostly women. Coming to see me,
making the style of music that I do. And I
look at myself and see that it's really not
about the fame and everything else. It's
the people, the music, the connection and
energy of it all. I love it. It's humbling and
overwhelming to be a part of, but good or
bad, it's so worth it. I never really wanted
to be ...commercial. I just want to make my
music and live; live good. I recently did
a 10 city tour with Mckenzie Eddy, Sean
O'Connell and Cranford and Sons called
The Southern Stomp Tour. I worked with
Damon Dash's media collective company
dd172 for the past year.
ON THEFUTURE:I'll always be writing and
playing, touring. I've been touring to a
lot of different places, New York, South
Carolina, Texas, Miami, Mississippi twice.
Love Cake is my album, it's all about this
amazing girl named Sade. It's an EPthat
people can download. I wrote all the songs
and played guitar. I work with Jovi and
Diana King a lot and there's more coming
from there. -Rekara Gage
NDstGIFT
GUIDE
Climate Control
Nest Above
the Rest
This plush palace goes
from pillowy mat to
cozy nest thanks to its
drawstring and comes in
so many color combos
and patterns it can
blend in beautifully
in any home. ($50,
theuncommondog.com)
This portable temperature
alarm will notify you via
text message should the
temperature in any locationfor example your car or
RV-get too hot or cold for
your furry co-pilot's comfort.
($170, animalarm.co.uk)
Sassy Scratcher
Plush Pet
Double your snuggle time with a custom
silkscreen throw pillow from Broderpress.
Simply send a full body shot of your furry
friend to artist Shannon Broder and in no
time your fuzzy buddy will have a plushy
twin. ($75, shannonbroder.etsy.com)
Put your cat on the pedestal
(they know) they deserve with
the Cattino. This adorable spin
on the cat scratch pole and
hammock features a sleek and
cheeky design so you don't
have to compromise kitty's
comfort or your aesthetic.
($150, cattino.etsy.com)
Purr-feet Print
As any cat lover knows, you can
set the alarm for any time you
like, but be guaranteed you'll
be getting up at kitty o'clock.
Oh, Dear Molly celebrates this
feline fact in her charming purr
function poster.
($13, ohdearmolly.etsy.com)
Dashing Doggy
Give dapper dogs the designer
duds they deserve with a bow
tie collar and matching leash
from Silly Buddy. ($40 and up,
sillybuddy.etsy.com)
Slow Food
Your dog may enjoy scarfing
down his meals in record
time, but it's unhealthy for
his tummy. The Green Slow
Feeder's unique design
changes that by turning
mealtime into playtime and
slows speedy eaters.
($43, amazon.com)
12
CURVE
APRIL
2013
ivALARt
HAS
APURR
FUNCTION~
Cutie-pie Coordination
Keep all your kiddos looking their
finest in complementary dog and
baby onesies from Babawowo.
($40, babawowo.etsy.com)
Call Him Squishy!
Give your guppy an upgrade with Jellyfish
Art's Desktop Jellyfish Kit. Customize with a
variety of jellyfish, snails, hermit crabs and
damselfish. Plus, color changing LEDs
turn the tank into a rainbow light show.
($285 and up, jellyfishart.com)
Foxy Footwear
Animal lovers will go gaga for Em &
Sprout's delightful handmade foxfaced Mary Janes. Can you blame
them? $28, emandsprout.etsy.com)
15 must-haves for pets and the people who love them.
KumfyKoat
Available in a variety
of colors, this mesh
harness features a
pocket to hold a cooling
gel pack that sits next
to your puppy's chest,
the place where they
exchange the most
heat. Plus, the gel pack
can be warmed up for
cold weather.
($44, kumfytailz.com)
ev RACHEL sHAno
Bub love
What better way to start your day than with a cuppa
depicting the Internet's "most amazing creature on
the planet," Lil Bub? This sassy lassie will steal your
heart one latte at a time. Just look at that precious
face! ($9, store.lilbub.com)
Fine Dining
Mio Cat Bowl is made from
thermoplastic resin and
mirror polished stainless
steel, and the lid, which
features an adorable
kitten, closes the bowl
to protect the food and
prevent overeating.
($52, yliving.com)
Kitty Couture
Get a feline
leg up with
Modcloth's Tabby
leggings. These
are an adorkable
addition to
any cat lover's
wardrobe. ($30,
modcloth.com)
Do-Goodies
At the rate that our little furry
friends go through their favorite
toys, Honest Pet Products is an
eco-friendly, sustainable, organic
and ultra-durable way to spoil your
fur babies, guilt-free. ($8 and up,
honestpetproducts.com)
APRIL
2013
CURVE
13
NDS/
HOT PICKS
OT TEE
OF THE MONTH
Little Figs specializes in making handscreen printed and environmentally
friendly tees for tolerant tykes! And
they're cute as a button to boot.
$18 and up, litt/efigs.com
14
CURVE
APRIL
2013
TRENDS/
HOT PIC
Starter Kit
Baby-making just got intimate.
et's be honest: There's just
nothing sexy or spontaneous about the lesbian babymaking process-ovulation
calendars, sterile doctor's
offices, go-degree leg positioning and,
no matter how many candles you light,
a turkey baster is still a turkey baster.
Well, Stephanie Berman has made it
so that you never have to look at that
turkey baster sideways again.
The Semenette is the first high-end
product of its kind that's intended for
home insemination. It's a strap-on,
user-friendly dildo that has been specially engineered to ejaculate sperm-a
product that family-oriented lesbians have been begging for, for years.
So much more than just an upgraded
Thanksgiving utensil, the Semenette
is a realistic-looking, modestly sized
dildo with special tubing running
through the middle that deposits sperm
to the cervix with a few squeezes of its
removable outer pump.
Because creating a high quality product was of the highest importance to
Berman, the Semenette is made from
medical-grade, toxin-free silicone, and
in designing it she has used all her
personal and professional experience
with same-sex insemination efforts.
Berman is the owner of a women's
health clinic, and her inspiration to
make the Semenette came from her
clients' desire for a more intimate
gayby-making experience, as well as
her own imperfect attempts at impregnating her wife.
"The first time we tried [home insemination], it was literally like a
National Geographic experience," she
laughs. "Not one thing was romantic
about it, even though we tried really
hard to make it so. We also tried bringing my wife to the doctor's office, but
everything there revolved around
her, and, even as her partner, I felt
L
ev vANA TALLoN-H1cKs
like the odd man out:'
While sperm banks and doctors'
visits work for some women, many
find this process to be invasive, expensive and emotionally sterile. Not only
can insemination at home save you
thousands of dollars, but it has an
almost identical success rate (5-25
percent) as a pricey trip to your M.D.
Though the Semenette may not render
your doctor completely useless (Berman
cautions, "This isn't a medical device,
this is a toy that mimics intercourse
and ejaculation:'), it provides an affordable first stop on the often-long lesbian
road to pregnancy.
Though the Semenette is practical,
Berman says her strongest motivation
in creating it was to increase the level
of intimacy between same-sex partners who are trying to conceive. "The
Semenette allows both partners to be
involved, and gives same-sex couples
the same ability that heterosexual couples have. Using the Semenette feels
more authentic, in a sense, because
the nonconceiving partner actually
gets to feel like they're making a baby
and actually getting their partner
pregnant. The Semenette provides a
level of intimacy that's on your terms,
and I feel like this is what most samesex couples want-to feel like this is
your baby, whom you've created, not
the popsicle the doctor inseminated
at the office. There's nothing like this
on the market.
"I think, in general, sex toys as well
as same-sex partners having families
have been taboo topics;' says Berman.
"But now our president is supporting
gay rights, and there are TV shows
that are highlighting same-sex families, so there's a shift in acceptance. I
don't think people have thought there
was a need for this, and the way I see it
is that I saw a problem and created a
solution." (thesemenette.com) •
''
THt~IRST
TIMt
Wtrn1rn
[HOMt
INStMINATION
ITWAS
llTtRAllY
llKtANATIONAl
GtOGRAPHIC
tXPtRltNCt.
''
APRIL
2013
CURVE
15
NDstGOSSIP
Cori and Kacy
Boccumini
II LESBOFILE
II
A TV legend comes out, Buckwild goes bisexual
and what's next for Lisbeth Salander?
BY JOCELYN
~
voo
Fame to Family
We're sure we're not alone in rooting
for Kacy and Cori Boccumini, the Real
L Word lesbian couple who shared their
struggles in starting a family. When
Cori was pregnant during season two,
we're sure there were congratulations
emanating from all corners of the lesbian universe. Then, when they lost
their daughter Charlie five months in,
our hearts broke collectively.
Then earlier this year, hope resurged:
Cori's pregnant!
And just four and a half months
after that, history repeats itself.
"We have said before that we are in
this for the long haul. That we will have
a family no matter the cost-whatever
it takes;' writes Kacy on their blog.
And we'll be here pulling for them
the whole way through.
Second Career
Before there was LiLo, there was Erin
Moran, known to many as Joanie Cunningham during her Happy Days years.
Like LiLo, Moran also has her share of
tabloid headlines- most recently over
a domestic dispute with her mother-inlaw, followed by rumors of an eviction
16
CURVE
APRIL
2013
thanks to her hard-partying ways.
But that may just be the tip of
the iceberg, because now the National
Enquirer reports that the former
child star wants out of her marriage to
start over again-with a woman.
"Erin was blabbing to everyone
about how tired she was of Steve riding
her coattails and how she just wanted
to run away and fall in love with a
woman," claims a source.
Should we just start calling her
ErMonow?
Mo', Mo' Mara
Bigger stardom typically means a bigger paycheck for the actor. But in the
casting for the sequel to The Girl with
the Dragon Tattoo, the biggest payout
is for all the Rooney Mara-obsessed
fans (read: us) out there.
With lead actor Daniel Craig's A-list
power coming into play, Sony Pictures
is having a tough time justifying his
demands.
Probable speculation is that they
may write his character out of the sequel
entirely and focus primarily on Lisbeth
Salander instead.
Be still our hearts.
Two Ways
Every time MTV decides to retire one
of their addictively train wreck moneymaker reality shows, they end up
replacing it with an equally (if not
more) appallingly WTF show-Buckwild being its latest creation. In true
fashion, one of the cast members,
Cara Parrish, recently made waves
when full-frontal nude modeling (er,
"modeling"?) photos surfaced and
were plastered all over the Internet.
But boys beware-turns out this lady
swings both ways.
"People think that girls aren't really
bisexual or lesbian, that they do it for
attention. That really bothers me a lot;'
she told MTV. "For somebody to try to
tell me that a relationship I spent years
of my life in ...I did that for attention ...
it's one of the worst feelings."
For all that we like to crack wise,
it's a solid point.•
TRENDS/SHE
"They're fucking funny and smart and
sassy so I kind of really enjoy the
relationship I have with them on Twitter ...
and I find them inspiring too. I think that
whenever you make a choice which isn't
easy in life and you decide, I'm going
to make the choice to follow my heart,
however difficult that might be in my life,
and you follow through-I think there's a
certain strength of character, a depth
of emotional awareness.
-Jaime Murray on her
lesbian fans
to AfterEllen
~
~
>-
Cf)
Cf)
w
z
I
('.)
:::,
<(
~
°'
0
0
0
~
0
z
2
w
>-
I
3:
Cf)
~
'.:;
"I'm in favor of acceptance. And I am
a Christian person, and I do love the
Lord, and I feel no matter who you
are, what you believe, how you live
your life, it's not my place to judge ...
It's my place to love and to show
God's love to other people, even
if they don't live a life like I live. So
that's where I'm coming from."
-Carrie Underwood to Allure on
supporting marriage equality
APRIL
2013
s
NDS/
PROFILE
Catherine Marino-Thomas
NewYork» MarriageEquality
When an issue gets under her skin, Catherine
Marino-Thomas says she simply has no choice-she
is
compelled to do something about it. "Sometimes with
consequences-be-damned," she says. So, more than a
decade ago, when her girlfriend Sheila started talking
about getting married-dreaming
of a picture-perfect
wedding, though it could only be symbolic, not recognized as legal-Sheila's fantasy became the catalyst for
I ~~~~~!~!.f~~~t~~i~t~~~~t~~ ~
our gay brothers and sisters are treated like
anyone else under the law-for if we are truly
created equal, then surely the love we commit
to one another must be equal as well."
Marino-Thomas to join the fight for marriage equality.
And she's been there on the front lines ever since.
Marino-Thomas and Sheila were married in
Massachusetts in 2004. For those who wonder why
marriage equality is so important, Marino-Thomas, now
the co-president of the board of directors at Marriage
Equality USA, explains that in essence it is a matter
of civil rights. "The reality is that there are over 1,138
rights, privileges, and obligations that only a civil marriage license can guarantee," she says. "There is simply
no other way to grant these rights to another individual
in exactly the same way with the same level of protection as a marriage license."
Civil unions are not adequate, she says, because no
individual contract, no matter what kind of lawyer you
BEVKEARNEY,
WOMEN'S
track coach for the University
of Texas who has led the team
to six national champ1onsh1ps,
has announced her resIgnatIon
Kearney Is under InvestIgatIon
by the school into an "1nt1mate
consensual relat1onsh1p"she
had with a female studentathlete over a decade ago No
protections exist for sexual
orientation employment
d1scnm1nat1onIn the state of
Texas Kearney was put on leave
In November when the school
began InvestIgatIng
get to draft it, can ensure your right to your partner's
Social Security benefits, or to tax-free inheritance,
both of which are guaranteed to married spouses. "No
one is saying marriage is the right fit for everyone, only
that we should all have the right to choose," she says.
She also notes that while America has no federal
marriage protection for the LGBT community, several
countries that would be considered much more
conservative than the U.S. fully recognize the right of
same-sex couples to marry. This, she postulates, might
be due to the fact that Americans have forgotten the
founding principles of the nation, especially the separation of church and state.
ANAFLORES
ANDBELINDA
Espinoza, a lesbian couple from
Houston, are dead In what local
police believe was a murder
su1c1de Espinoza had been
upset and threatened su1c1de
on the phone to relatives before
f1ght1ngwith Flores who called
911 By the time police arrived at
their home Espinoza had shot
Flores and then shot herself
Minutes before turning the gun
on herself, Espinoza posted
a photo of the couple to her
However, Marino-Thomas isn't giving up hope. "I
believe we are on our way back to being the forwardthinking country that we are supposed to be," she says.
"I see a bright light at the end of the tunnel. We have
two cases before the Supreme Court this year. This
could be the year."-Shery/ Kay
18
CURVE
APRIL
2013
» FOR
ANOTHER
OUT
INFRONT
PROFILE
GOTOCURVEMAG.COM
PATTY
SNYDER
AND
HER
partner Shelley of Daytona,
Fla were d1scrim1nated against
by Bank of America as they
attempted to f1nal1zethe
purchase of their home Snyder
listed Shelley's mother as the
co-signer for the loan and the
day before closing, the bank
denied the loan saying the
relat1onsh1pbetween the two
was not approved. The United
States Department of Housing
and Urban Development
(HUD) has taken on the case as
evidence of a v1olat1onof new
ant1-d1scrim1nat1onlaws
JENNIFER
ROBACK
MORSE
of the National Organization
for Marriage has been quoted
as saying that lesbian couples
looking for sperm donors and
"buying sperm on Cra1gsl1st"
should "be In Jail because they
treat their children like property"
Adding, "The child Is no longer
a gift from God and a fruit of
human love The child Is now
a product, manufactured by
adults, and therefore the child
-
POLITICS
»
ADVICE
»
COMMUNITY»
Our Big Lesbian Family
It's time to redefine our queer clan.
BY VICTORIA
A. BROWNWORTH
s lesbians, when we think of our queer families-the most important
people in our lives-sometimes we find that they're not our relatives at all, but the people who have shown us how to create family
for ourselves.
At the beginning of 2013, we lost two landmark figures in that extended queer
family: Jeanne Manford and Gerda Lerner. Manford died on Jan. 8 in Daly City,
Calif. Lerner died on Jan. 2 in Madison, Wis. Both women were 92.
Neither of these women were a lesbian, yet they spent decades of their lives
surrounded by lesbians-supporting
us, nurturing us and giving us the tools to
help us be our truest selves.
A
Like the majority of American
women in the 1950s, Manford was a
stay-at-home wife and mother. Lerner
was an acedemic. Then their lives took
a radical turn.
Being a mother informed everything Manford did with her life. Her
son Morty was gay, a leader in the
early gay rights movement in New
York City. Morty was one of the queers
at the Stonewall Inn on that fateful
June night in 1969. Soon after, he cofounded the Gay Activists Alliance
and became its president. In 1972, at
a demonstration by the GAA in New
York City, he was kicked and beaten
by the president of the Uniformed
Firefighters Association, which led to
a major lawsuit.
Morty's mother, Jeanne, was so
incensed that the police had failed to
intervene that she wrote a letter to the
New York Post stating that she loved
her homosexual son and asking why
he hadn't been protected.
Her letter was published on April 29,
1972,and drew a vast response from the
newspaper's readership. In June 1972,
Jeanne marched in the Christopher
Street Parade (later to become the Gay
Pride Parade), carrying a sign that
declared her love for her gay son. Again
the response was overwhelming. In
March 1973, she began holding meetings for other parents of gay and lesbian
children. She gave interviews-speaking on behalf of her son and the queer
children of other parents-on radio and
TV, and at conferences and rallies.
Manford's group started as POG,
Parents of Gays, but soon grew into
PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. From their first meeting at the Metropolitan Community
Church in New York-just 20 peoplethe group grew. In the U.S. alone, there
are now over 350 chapters with nearly
250,000 members. Jeanne Manford
didn't care who knew that her son was
gay, or that she was his mother. She
APRIL
2013
CURVE
19
s1POLITICS
cared that he got the same
rights in society as her
daughter, Suzanne.
Gerda Lerner knew what
it was to live on the margins
of society. Surviving arrest
and imprisonment by the
Nazis after being a teenage member of the Austrian
Resistance would have been
achievement enough for
one lifetime, but not for
Lerner. She was a revolutionary who would change
the lives of women forever.
Lerner is credited with
being the founder of the
Women's Studies Movement. She was
the first to teach courses in women's
history and founded the first department at a college (Sarah Lawrence)
that was devoted solely to women's
studies. She refused to accept the
idea that women were second-class
citizens, that throughout history they
had sat passively on the sidelines
while men accomplished everything
of merit. Just as Manford saw her two
children-straight and gay-as equals,
Lerner saw men and women as equals,
and wanted every little girl to grow up
knowing that she could be the equal of
the men around her.
I never met Jeanne Manford, but I
was frequently asked to speak at PFLAG
events in Philadelphia and New York
throughout the 1980s and 'gos. I witnessed the power of the movement
she started. I met many parents who
had known Manford and whose lives
had been changed by her bravery and
determination. Manford's son Morty
died in 1992 of complications from
AIDS, but she fought on in his name
and in the names of all of those whose
parents wouldn't march in a parade or
who couldn't face the fact that their
son, their daughter, was queer.
I was fortunate to have met Gerda
Lerner when I was in college and we
both attended the founding conference of the National Women's Studies
Association (NWSA) in San Francisco.
At that conference, Lerner told a room
20
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Women have always
made history as
much as men have.
Not 'contributed'
to it. Only they did
not know what
they had made
and had no tools to
interpret their own
experience. What's
new at this time
is that women are
fully claiming their
past and shaping
the tools by means
of which they can
interpret it.
''
filled with hundreds of women, all as
eager as I was to listen, "Women have
always made history as much as men
have. Not 'contributed' to it. Only they
did not know what they had made and
had no tools to interpret their own
experience. What's new at this time
is that women are fully claiming their
past and shaping the tools by
means of which they can interpret it:'
Lerner led us to ourselves,
changing my life and the
lives of women all over the
world. She was brilliant and
funny and uncompromising.
She looked like a warm and
friendly lady who would bake
you cookies and serve you hot
chocolate in her kitchen. Yet
what she was serving up was
the history we never knew
we had, the stories of our
achievements that had gone
unheralded.
Lerner's books, among them The
Woman in American History, Black
Women in White America, and The
Creation of Patriarchy, are still taught.
Thanks to her work, Women's Studies
is an established discipline. Lerner
wrote, "Everything that explains the
world has in fact explained a world
that does not exist, a world in which
men are at the center of the human
enterprise and women are at the margin 'helping' them. Such a world does
not exist-never has."
In early February, when I heard
15-year-old Malala Yousafzai speak to
reporters for the first time since she
was shot in the head by the Taliban in
October 2012, I thought about Lerner.
Young women like Malala are her
legacy: While grown men cowered in
the face of the Taliban, Malala defied
them, championing her fight for girls'
education. She refused to be silenced
even as she proved Lerner's point that
women themselves make history all
the time.
Manford and Lerner are part of
our collective lesbian family. Each
woman in her own way changed our
lives because she handed us back our
personhood. They saw us for who we
are and they lauded us for it. So when
we contemplate what we mean when
we say "family;' we need to consider
the women who have helped create
the space for us to have our families,
and to pass their legacy on. •
s1TWOOF US
Do You Take This Trans Man ...?
A lesbian-trans marriage proposal at the White House.
BY GILLIAN KENDALL
n June 15, 2012, at a party,
a man went down on one
knee to propose to a woman. Usually, such an event
would not garner national interest.
But it was at an LGBT Pride reception at the White House, and it was a
trans man proposing to a lesbian, and
so the YouTube video has been viewed
more than 78,000 times, generating
dozens of news stories and a fair bit
of buzz.
Scout (who has only one name),
the 46-year-old man brave enough
to make such a move at the White
House, is the director of the Network
for LGBT Health Equity at the Fenway
Institute, and his intended is Liz Margolies, the executive director of the
National LGBT Cancer Network.
Though Scout had been planning
the proposal for some time, he almost
missed the reception. "I was so nervous
0
22
CURVE
APRIL
2013
I ran out of gas on the way to the airport, which started a Laurel and Hardy
thing ...Flying from Providence, R.I. to
D.C.- a flight I do a lot-I missed my
original flight and then the next one.
I decided to drive to another airport,
Boston, and then I ran through at top
speed and I forgot my wallet at the
security barrier ...! was drenched in
sweat by the time I got on the plane:'
Given the stress that it produced,
what made him pick such a prominent venue? "A lot of it has to do with
who Liz is," Scout explains. "She's
larger than life in some ways. She does
a lot of outstanding work, and she's
also really fierce. You can't go small
with proposing to someone like that.
I wanted to find a way, in the proposal,
to be as proud and large as she is. I
wanted to publicly declare my love for
her and at the same time show that
I'm fearless:'
Scout and Liz had not agreed beforehand to be engaged. "We were
both really ambivalent around marriage;' says Scout, though he has legal
documents that assert his male gender identity, so he and Liz could legally
wed anywhere. "We had to figure out if
it made sense for our relationship. You
have to think once, twice, three times
about that before you move forward. It
felt completely risky, yet it was a way
to show how much I love this woman,
which was very bold:'
Speaking of risk, Scout had no
guarantee that Liz would accept. "I
thought there was a good chance she'd
say yes;' he says, "but [after seeing the
video], I think Liz was still thinking
some things through there!"
In the 3.42-minute video, there are
40 seconds of complete silence, with
Scout on one knee while Liz scratches her
head, purses her lips, covers her mouth
with her hand, and looks around, seemingly perplexed by the offer.
Margolies says she was "stunned."
Of the moment when Scout was kneeling before her, she says, "I had to really
think about it before I said yes. We've
lived our lives as outlaws, mostly happily, and this is going to be letting the
law into our private lives. It made me
nervous. On the other hand, there
was my Scout, like an old-fashioned
gentleman on his knee. So, I thought,
we'll do it the Liz-and-Scout way: We'll
invent a Liz-and-Scout relationship
that has marriage in it. Then I could
say yes."
Margolies, 59, explains, "I grew up
as a lesbian feminist, and we thought
that marriage was one of the bad, patriarchal institutions that we didn't want
to be part of. I know our community
has come to see marriage as something to fight for, and I understand
about the rights and privileges, but
rdffiOOW
I'm not sure I want the law inside my
relationship with Scout. On the other
hand, our people, the LGBT community, break up easily, and that's the
downside of not having the law in your
relationship."
That their private moment has
turned into such a public event
surprised them both. "We were
totally shocked by the response," says
Scout. "We knew it was public, and
obviously I wanted people to pay some
attention, but in my wildest dreams
I never thought that 75,000 people
would watch the video. There I was in
my vintage three-piece suit and with
the hateful messages with integrity
and humor.
A small portion of the anti-trans
feeling has come from the lesbian
community.
"A lot of lesbians are totally amazing, and a huge part of our support
team," Scout says. "But I have seen the
other side. I've bumped up against itespecially, unnervingly, in people who
want to date me. Some lesbians like
to date very masculine lesbians, and
they sometimes think that's what I
am. That isn't who I am, and it can be a
little confusing for everyone involved.
People are trying to put me back into
the binary.
"I was raised in the lesbian community and for a lot of my life identified
''
''
I'm a lesbian
because lesbians
are my people.
my antique ring, in some ways bowing
to tradition, being on one knee, but
re-visioning it for the future, because
I'm trans, she's a lesbian, in a place we
have not always been accepted. Being
on one knee is an old-fashioned ritual,
but we were doing it in a forwardthinking way that resonated with
people."
Although the majority of responses
were supportive, some were violent
and hateful. "Right-wingers came out
and attacked us," Scout says. "People
were calling me a freak of nature. The
level of anti-trans stuff on the Internet
was kind of a bucket of cold water:'
In response, the couple made more
YouTube videos and made appearances on MSNBC, in order to rebut
as a dyke, a queer, but in the 'gos there
was this new word, 'transgender; and
it describes people in the middle, who
don't accept the binary. It really fit-I
love that idea of not being just male
or just female. I usually use male pronouns for myself, but I think of myself
as a hybrid model."
Margolies, too, faced some negativity from lesbians. "A lot of people
questioned how I could be a lesbian if
I'm with a trans guy. I say that I am a
lesbian because lesbians are my people-just as I am absolutely Jewish
and a complete atheist. 'Lesbian' is
an identity label, not a measure of
sexual behavior. Who my community
is doesn't change as a result of having
Scout as my partner. Scout isn't like
the guys I went to high school or college
with. You can see his whole history in
who he is, and-well, obviously, he's
perfect for me." •
s1
LIPSTICK+DI
PSTICK
CanYouRope
a Straight Girl?
If you buy into this bull, all you'll get
a re the horns. av uPsT1cK & 01PsT1cK
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm a
47-year-old lesbian who has fallen
head over heels for a co-worker. She's
married and straight. She lives here
and her husband lives 700 miles away
in Dallas. She also has a "friend with
benefits," who she has a love/hate
relationship with. I have no clue how
to end this friendship-I don't want
to hurt her, but this is messing with
my head and I'm the one headed for
a world of hurt. I've had straight-girl
crushes before but I've never fallen for
one like this. One of my gay, guy pals
at work told me he swore we were a
couple, as did my neighbor. I need to
end this friendship now. Help.
-Tied Up in Texas
///////////////////////////////#/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Lipstick: At 47, this obviously
she stops by your cubicle at
isn't your first rodeo, so you're
work, say you've got an important deadline and can't chat
smart to dismount the wild
horse before you take a hoof
to the heart, which-you're
correct-is right around the
corner. It's all about boundar-
right now.
Lipstick: Or, don't just dodge
ies-and self-respect.
her like a calf evading the
rope. Instead, tell her the truth:
You've developed feelings for
Dipstick: How do you end the
friendship? You simply stop
her. Now you've got to go and
save yourself. It's become toxic.
hanging out with this filly.
When she calls to make plans,
Per Lipstick and Dipstick's
advice, you need to go take
say you're busy. When she
texts you, ignore her. When
seven cold showers, spend
three months away from this
24
CURVE
APRIL
2013
friendship, and kiss two other
women before you can saddle
ex will not divorce her and
she says she doesn't want to
back up. Got it, Cowgirl?
spend all the money in legal
Dipstick: Or, make yourself
a busy little cowhand. Hatch
fees to fight it. I don't want
to get married right away,
but in a few years I might. I
plans to have your gay best
friend set you up on dates.
bought her a really nice ring
for Christmas. My question is,
Or, saddle up your pony,
mosey on in to the local dyke
should it bother me that she
watering hole, and head off
since she's still married to
on some moonlit rides with
women who are actually gay
someone else?
and single. These straight girls
will never give you what you
want. Be careful!
wears it on her ring finger,
-Ring Around My Heart
Lipstick: Love can be so blind.
I think there's way more to this
story, my dear. Why won't her
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
I've been with my girlfriend,
Jodie, for three years. We've
had many ups and downs,
and there's been plenty of
drama with her ex. She is
still legally married to him,
ex grant her a divorce? Are
there unresolved issues? Are
there still, underneath the surface, emotional ties that bind?
If they were staying married for
the kids, for health insurance,
or for any sensible reason,
means nothing to her, it still
that would be one thing. But
a crazy, jilted husband who is
bothers me. Apparently, her
still her husband-with
and even though she says it
no end
in sight? Red flag. My advice to
you: Easy does it. You may be
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
getting royally played.
to my partner, who is in the
I just recently got engaged
Army. We have four years
Dipstick: What finger she
until she gets out. I also
wears the ring on is the least
of your worries. Jodie says
recently moved to Hawaii, so
her marriage means nothing
to her? And she can't make
it a priority to dissolve this
and loneliness are coming
dysfunctional relationship?
advice on how to cope with all
Until she decides to end the
madness, she'll never be able
to fully commit to you. She
this. It's hard to meet people
my feelings of displacement
at me from all angles. I was
really hoping I could get some
Dipstick: Get a dog. Rescue
one from the pound. Then
Fido may just end up joining
you on the couch! I like the
start volunteering there. The
best way to start feeling better
idea of volunteering
about yourself is to give back.
Volunteering will add purpose
to your life. Take your pooch to
a dog park, where you'll socialize with other dog owners.
And take daily walks to get
living room and into the
car. First, you've got to stop
being intimidated by the
20 miles. See that confine-
your heart rate up. Exercise is
a great cure for depression.
ment as a blessing. I know
plenty of people who'd give
anything for 20 quiet minutes
20 miles from civilization. The
Lipstick: Living a full life,
alone in the car. Meditate,
turn on NPR, or get some
more my loneliness increases,
whether in a relationship or
alone, is work. Who doesn't
audiobooks (pick up Wayne
Dyer's Power of Intention).
on an island, and I live a good
can make all the excuses she
wants, but the truth is, she's
the more I find myself staying
not ready to let this relationship go. The drama feeds her.
to meet people. I'm becoming
like chillin' out in their
sweatpants? That mothballed
Set goals and then stick to
them, even if it means going
Whether you want to believe
it or not, she's in two relation-
worried that my partner will
existence, however, needs to
return to find a lazy hermit
outside your comfort zone.
Sometimes, happiness is
ships right now. You're the
"other woman." And that's
rather than the active social
butterfly she left.
be balanced with action and
interaction. I like Dip's idea of
getting a dog, because it will
found just beyond that little
nudge we have to give our-
how she wants it.
-Isolated in Paradise
help with the loneliness, but
selves. Push!•
home, rather than attempting
Reserve your new home on our gorgeous ten acre campus with
golf course, oak grove and mountain views in the heart of
Sonoma County. From gourmet dining and concierge services
to spa treatments and housekeeping, our attentive staff will
cater to your every need.
■
Gourmet Dining
■ Cocktail Lounge
■ Outdoor Pool
~
=
even
more. The trick now is to
get your bum out of the
■
Wme Cave and Cellar
■ Movie Theatre
■ Onsite Care/Wellness Center ■ Concierge Service
■ Fitness Center
■ Pet Park
Entrance Feed ranging from: $189S00 - $925S00
Monthly Feed dtarting at $~395
RCFE Pcnd;ng
f
4210 Thomas Lake Harris Dr.
Santa Rosa, CA 95403
707-576-1101
fountaingrovelodge.com
For more information on FGLsimply text Lodges to 518-618-4765
Texting in also opts you into our text messaging program. Data rates may apply.
s1SEX
Sexual Healing
Devi Ward gives us a dose of pleasure medicine for better sex.
W
hen it comes to enjoying
sex, Tantric healer Devi
Ward doesn't mince words.
"Someone telling you to
ignore sexual pleasure is like someone
saying you're not supposed to pay attention to your right leg;' says the writer
and sex educator. "Our cultural conditioning encourages women to ignore
pleasure, an essential aspect of ourselves. And it's like, Why should I ignore
my right leg? It helps me stand up! It
helps me walk!" she says, laughing.
When it comes to sexual pleasure,
women have been seriously wounded
in our metaphorical leg. Our malecentric society promotes a widespread
ignorance surrounding female orgasm
and masturbation. This, combined
with the horrendous acceptance of
26
CURVE
APRIL
2013
ev vANA TALLoN-H1cKs
sexual violence against women in our
culture, has had us hobbling along our
sexual pleasure paths for centuries.
Add a lesbian/bisexual/queer orientation and we might just find ourselves
on crutches.
In her book Shake Your Soul-Song!
A Womans Guide to Self-Empowerment Through the Art of Self-Pleasure,
Ward teaches us how to heal ourselves from this crippling sexual
trauma through "cultivating selfpleasure," a worthy self-exploration,
she says, as our limping libidos could
be hindering our sex lives (and our
orgasms!) without our even noticing it.
"When I say sexual trauma, I don't
necessarily mean abuse or rape," Ward
explains. "I've had sexual trauma from
just having sex. As women, we'll
store sexual trauma in our bodies
from events such as having sex with
someone we don't want to have sex
with, or feeling like we can't speak up
for our sexual needs and wants. Feeling shame from being told that you're
a bad girl for liking sex is a sexual
trauma. Growing up in a society that
teaches sexual fear and guilt is a sexual trauma. As lesbians, you're taught
there's something wrong with your
sexuality because it's not normal.
That's a sexual trauma. And chances
are, that's stored in your genital
tissue."
Ward tells me about a woman who
complained that every time her girlfriend touched her G-spot, it felt like
stroking a piece of cardboard. Vaginal
numbness and pain, the inability to
reach orgasm, thinking you have no
G-spot-these sex-negative symptoms
are all too common. Culturally, women
are encouraged to ignore these things,
or to think they're "just part of the
deal;' to keep our heads down and do
what Ward calls "fucking through
it:' What if, Ward suggests, these unpleasant sex-negative symptoms are
actually physical responses to sexual
trauma?
"Trauma imprints in our cellular
tissue and we hold it there, whether
or not we're aware of it;' she explains.
"Traumatic events are shocks to the
nervous system, and they get stuck in
our tissues in a holding pattern. When
we apply somatic healing techniques
such as touch, movement and breath
awareness, it stimulates the cellular
tissue to begin releasing this trauma.
The human body is designed to heal
itself, and pleasure is a mechanism of
the body. Pleasure is medicine:'
Through the guidance of her book,
Ward tells me, her "cardboard" client
is now having regular, ejaculatory Gspot orgasms. But this kind of sexual
healing doesn't just happen overnight
and certainly not after a few quick
masturbation sessions.
Ward explains that though it
might feel nice when we simply "get
off;' too often we're merely scratching
a sexual itch-focusing
on gratification instead of pleasure. "Sexual
gratification is more of a reflex;' Ward
explains. "We may gratify a physical
desire but still be left feeling emotionally empty inside. It doesn't meet
the deeper need, it isn't regenerative.
Pleasure has transformative qualities.
It is physically designed to heal us:'
To truly achieve sexual healing,
Ward says we must consciously cultivate what she calls the Four Forms of
Pleasure-sensual, sexual, spiritual and
emotional-all
of which profoundly
benefit our physiological health.
"When we experience the Four
Forms of Pleasure, the natural chemicals that are released, such as serotonin
and dopamine [responsible for feelings
of euphoria, peace and happiness],
Our culture
teaches us that
you're a bad girl for
enjoying pleasure.
You have no idea
how deeply that
affects everything
you allow yourself
to experience
during sex.
''
make us feel better in every area of
our lives. Of all the ways we can get
our bodies to release these happy
hormones-such as through exercisethe fastest and most powerful way to
release these chemistries is through
sex. This is a testament to the way the
body is designed, to make sex healthy
for us, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well."
Taking a dose of her own medicine,
Ward explains how the power of pleasure continues to heal her personal
traumatic experiences.
"When I first started the process
of consciously using pleasure as medicine, I thought sexual communication
meant moaning loudly and moving
my hips to try to get partners to hit
my clitoris. Now I can have between
five and 30 orgasms with myself or
my partner. Imagine an orgasm where
you hit your pleasure peak for three
straight minutes!"
Ejaculatory G-spot orgasms and
three-minute climaxes sound pretty great, but healing sexual trauma
through pleasure isn't as simple as
popping a daily dose of the Big 0. Instead, Ward explains, it's something
we must foster in nonsexual areas of
our life first. So, before you jump into
the sack, start on the couch.
"It's been a habit for most of my life
to endure being uncomfortable, even
if it's just me sitting on the couch with
a lumpy cushion in my back. When I
started cultivating pleasure in my life, I
started asking myself, Why not always
be at a 10, so every experience of my
life can be exquisite?
"We deserve every moment of our
lives to be bliss! Know that you deserve
to feel pleasure. Our culture teaches
us that you're a bad girl for enjoying
pleasure. You have no idea how deeply
that affects everything you allow yourself to experience during sex."
Just like learning to walk again,
transforming deep-rooted sexual trauma into pleasurable sex is all about
taking baby steps.
"You can't have multiple orgasms
if you're thinking about doing the
dishes;' Ward says. "So first, get
present in your body. Second, become
aware of pleasure in every area of your
life. Simply enjoying your cup of coffee
in the morning can be a pleasurable
experience. Get off Facebook. The
more present you are in other life
areas, the more present you'll be in
the sexual areas. You can't have one
without the other." •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
27
st
SCENE
SOMETHING
OLD,
SOMETHING
NEW
Dance parties for the elder women in our community.
SAGE (Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and
Transgender Elders) presented its annual fundraising event for
women, with dance music from swing to pop on Oct. 21, 2012
at the LQ Club and its Winter Blast on Jan. 20. DJ Susan Levine
and DJ Stacy provided the music, which covered the best
beats of old and new, and as always, red dots were available
for those looking for a dance partner. The Dance Raffle again
offered generous prizes to the winners-cash
for first prize and
gifts for second and third place winners and all ticket sales
went to SAGE to help provide assistance to elders in the
z
0
0
z
g
0
community. (sageusa.org/womensdance)
28
CURVE
APRIL
2013
-Georgia
Krokus
~
-
MUSIC
»
FILM
»
BOOKS
»
TECH
»
curve
A Sharp Tongue
Singer-songwriter Maia Sharp plays it her way.
BY STEPHANIE KAY CASTOR
aia Sharp is a crossover
pioneer in the starstudded world of altcountry, folk rock and
bona fide blues babes.
Born in California's Central Valley,
the singer-songwriter has found success in producing and collaborating
with artists such as Cher, Bonnie Raitt,
Art Garfunkel, the Dixie Chicks, Edwin McCain-the list goes on. Sharp
found her niche among these artists,
several of whom were early influences,
as she began to explore her identity,
M
both musically and sexually.
"I fell for music when the genre
lines were blurred. I was heavy into
Joni Mitchell, Ry Cooder, Rickie Lee
Jones and-the dream come trueBonnie Raitt;' she says.
Sharp came out as a lesbian at age
23, while she was studying music theory
at Cal State, Northridge.
It is no secret that being a woman,
let alone a lesbian, in the music industry can be difficult. Constantly making
the effort to validate her technique,
her stylistic choices and overall com-
petencies, in a male-driven occupation-let's just say it can be wearing.
Sharp was fortunate to be able to defy
any attempt to marginalize her.
"Starting off as a saxophone player
and often the only woman in the band,
I saw the potential for sexism, in particular, years ago. I saw it coming and
did my best to head it off by studying
every aspect of music, on my own and
as a music major in college. I wanted
to make sure I'd never be just the chick
singer in the room. If anyone still
walks into a studio and assumes the
woman standing there doesn't know
what's going on, I can happily squash
that. I've been very fortunate that only
one player in recent memory has had
a problem with my sexual orientation,
and because of that, everyone else on
the session had a problem with him. It
felt like a win;' says Sharp.
When asked about the future of
strong women in the music industry,
Sharp replies, "It's great that there
are so many women doing this. I
hope people start referring to the
female guitar player as 'the guitar
player.' And that radio programmers
don't have a female artist limit on
their play lists.''
Sharp likes to mention the traits
in female artists that she finds particularly appealing-"Confidence
is a
big one. Strength, ease and humor. If
she's a badass but she can make fun
of herself-very sexy.'' I think we can
all concur.
As a working artist, the fight to
stay fresh and exciting is constant.
Some believe that following fellow artists and trends paves the way for selfdiscovery. Others stay close to home
and rarely venture outside their own
creative frame of reference. When
asked about whether or not she sought
out new inspiration from other artists, Sharp replies, "Good question. It
goes in waves. I'll get addicted to an
album and play it every day, then I'll
APRIL
2013
CURVE
29
REVIEWS/
MUSIC
HOT
LICKS»
BYRACHEL
SHATTO
choose silence for a while. I'm not sure
which wave is better for my own writing." Speaking of addictions, Sharp
mentions some of her favorite fellow
artists, the ones she keeps a close eye
on: "Meshell Ndegeocello, Feist, Gotye
and Sia. No boundaries. I love it:'
As the only daughter of country songwriter Randy Sharp, Maia began recording songs at age 5. Throughout her
career, her instrumental versatility has
reigned supreme: in her teens, during
her coming-out period, right up to today,
as she celebrates the release of her fifth
studio album.
Sharp's Change the Ending, produced in her home studio without any
real restrictions, has a sort of DIY
vibe. Due to the down-home nature of
the recording process, Sharp's emotional vulnerability seeps through in a
number of ways.
"Actually, I tracked basics at The
Lair, a commercial studio in Los Angeles, and then brought them home for
overdubs and vocals. I hope the lack of
restrictions is what seeps through the
most. I took some long walks to get to
the arrangements, performances and
sounds I wanted, and I'm glad I did. I
think on this one if I had just let the
first instinct be, I'd be regretting a few
moves right now:'
Sharp's music video for "Me After
You" features an array of poignant
feminine images and figures. She
describes the inspiration as a collaborative brainstorm, a process she
tries to hold true to.
"It came about through conversations with Bill Straw at my joint
venture label, Blix Street, and my
co-writer on the song, Adrianne Gonzalez, who is also the video's director.
Like everyone these days, we were
looking for a concept that would be
compelling without breaking the
bank, so we started talking about
using existing footage. I had driven
by the Silent Movie Theatre on Fairfax in Los Angeles many times, always
thinking it'd be a great place to have
a show or a party, or to shoot a video,
and then it all started making sense
30
CURVE
APRIL
2013
United
States
ofGod
Des
and
She
Goo
Des
an□ Sne
(G&S
Recoros)
Hip hop duo God Des and She have made a name for
themselves with their cheeky lyrics, old school beats
and an unapologetic lesbian-centric message. Their
latest outing keeps the provocative tradition alive
with 14 tracks of fierce and fearless rhymes. God
Des and She have plenty to say about equality, feminism and even domestic
violence, and their album is the better for it. Despite the heavy subject matter,
there's still plenty of humor and heart here too. Stand-out tracks include
the sexy slow jam "Between the Sheets" and this reviewer's favorite, ''I'm a
Bitch," a Salt-N-Pepa-influenced girl power anthem.
Manifestra
rrinMcKeown
(TV~
Recoros)
Folk singer Erin McKeown has a gift for infusing her
work with a lively irreverence that reflects the mind
of a unique talent. Manifestra marks her most overtly
political record to date. Album opener "The Politician"
speaks to the malleable morality of those in power.
And the final track, "Bagdad to the Bayou"-penned in collaboration with Rachel
Maddow-is a groovy, '70s-influenced ditty that addresses injustices varying
from the Gulf oil spill to indefinite detention in Guantanamo Bay. Another album
highlight, "That's Just What Happened," is a slinky, bluesy number that morphs
into an upbeat ragtime tune. Needless to say, McKeown fears no genre and with
good reason: she's a musical jack-of-all-trades and master of nearly all.
that we should use public-domain
silent movie footage. Adrianne and I
sat down with a stack of silent movies
and pulled out three minutes worth of
scenes that could reflect the lyrics in
the song, and then she and our editor
put them all together to give us one
new silent movie. Then we had to get
me in there somewhere-although my
favorite shots are of Gloria Swanson
and Mary Pickford-so we rented out
that Silent Movie Theatre and cast me
as the player in the pit, putting the
song to our new silent film."
Though currently the spotlight is
on Maia Sharp alone, thanks to her
recent full-length release, her most
reputable work to date includes her
songwriting and producing stints with
other artists (Art Garfunkel, Edwin
McCain, Bonnie Raitt, Dixie Chicks,
Cher and Trisha Yearwood).
Sharp doesn't accept the dichotomy
between building a personal fan base
and sharing a collaborative spotlight:
"I think it all works hand in hand. My
personal fan base has grown the
fastest when I'm collaborating with
a higher profile artist, either by performing with them, producing them,
or hearing them record my songs."
Sharp's songs are about as eclectic
as the group of artists she's worked
with, ranging from pop to blues to
alt-country. "They were all a hybrid of
those styles as well, and I never noticed
or analyzed it then. I just loved it:'
Sharp grew up listening to and
admiring her roster of collaborators,
and, among them, Sharp held close
to one in particular: "'Idol' is a strong
word, but I'd have to say Bonnie and,
my god, what a relief that she turned
out to be as cool as I thought she'd be.
The experience with Bonnie Raitt,
Edwin McCain and Art Garfunkel in
particular made me realize I need to
keep all the hats on-the songwriter,
the artist and the producer-because
each one serves the other two and
opens doors that wouldn't have otherwise been open." (maiasharp.com) •
Love and Sax
Shelley Doty on inspiration, animation and her new film Strange Frame.
BY MOLLY WILLIAMS
he genre of science fiction
has always attracted lesbians in one way or another.
Maybe it's the smart, sexy
women clad in skintight uniforms or
perhaps because it offers an alternative view of the world where gender
equality was possible, far before its
time. Strange Frame: Love and Sax, a
groundbreaking, full-length, animated
sci-fl lesbian musical created by out
musician Shelley Doty and director
G.B. Hajim, has earned stellar reviews
and was even awarded the Best Feature
Film at Dragon'''Con in 2012.
Strange Frame is set in the 28th century on Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter,
where humans, who long since evacuated Earth have modified themselves
to the point of making skin color and
sex organs into fashion statements.
The story focuses on two musicians,
T
Parker and Naia, and their struggle
to keep their careers and relationship
afloat. Fate and fame intervene and
both women are forced to test themselves and each other. The result is a
dreamlike tale that is thought provoking and utterly unforgettable.
Tell us a bit about the birth of the film.
Strange Frame is the culmination of
years of imaginative collaboration
between myself and my co-creator GB
Hajim. GB and I went to college together, and have been dear friends
for a few decades now. We share a love
of science fiction, and we both think
that at its best can be described as "social
fiction"-take a concept, like say: What
if humans could read minds? Then use
that conceit to explore how people
communicate and interact. I think
that many people who aren't into science fiction don't always realize that it
can be an amazing path to tell stories
about who we are by using the suspension of disbelief and loosening the
concepts of reality to really dig into
particular aspects of the human condition. Plus, you can get some cracking
good stories out of it! This is what has
always drawn me to sci-fl books and
short stories in particular.
Back in the early 'gos, my wife and
I were visiting GB and his family at
their house on the big island of Hawaii.
GB and I were pretty much driving our
wives crazy by riffing on some of our
favorite books and anime series, when
we decided thatwe shouldjustwrite our
own animated TV series. After many
years of writing scripts and music and
applying for grants for a TV version of
our unique universe, we decided that
trying to fit into the corporate culture
of any TV production house was going
APRIL
2013
CURVE
31
REVIEWS/
FILM
DVD
PICKS
brown. We knew we wanted a lesbian
couple as our heroes, and we knew they
wouldn't be white. Our universe was
no utopia however, not in the least.
We delve deeply into social dynamic
politics, notions of extreme class differentiation, debt slavery, revolution
and the destruction of Earth as a viable
living environment.
Were you a fan of animated films prior
to creating your own?
to be too limiting, and shifted our
energy to independently making a
series of feature length films. Strange
Frame is the first of these movies, and
functions as a prequel to the original
television concept. GB and I co-wrote
the script, he formed an animation
production house from scratch and
started designing and animating and
I got to work writing music.
Did you originally set out to make the
first animated sci-ti lesbian musical?
In a way, I suppose we did. We were
striving to create a universe that would
appeal to and serve queer youth of color.
Many years ago, I was tremendously inspired by the book, and movie,
The Celluloid Closet. It articulated so
strongly what I was feeling as a young
black lesbian growing up with so very
little reflection of my own reality
back at me in popular media. Strange
Frame went through a lot of developmental phases, but at the heart of it
was the concept of our very rich universe, and some of the base elements
that we were determined to inject into
our universe were: Who you love is not
an issue, gender is self assignable and
pretty much everyone is some shade of
32
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Absolutely! As a kid I was firmly in
the generation of Saturday morning
cartoons and I certainly loved them,
but when I discovered Japanese animation as a teenager all bets were
off. I saw my first Miyazaki movieNausicaa of the Valley of the Wind-at
a film festival and the mastery of his
storytelling, and the integration of
incredible visuals and the majestic
soundtrack by Joe Hisaishi just blew
me away. In the last 10 years or so, the
availability of Japanese Anime and
Manga in the U.S. has exploded, but
when GB and I first started kicking
around ideas for Strange Frame that
hadn't quite happened yet-but somehow both of us had managed to watch
and fall in love with Cowboy Bebopa major Strange Frame influence in
many ways.
The film has received rave reviews from
festivals and the community. Were you
surprised by the response?
I think we reckoned that some people
would love it, and some people would
walk away scratching their heads. This
is not a mainstream movie. GE's animation style is very unique, and looks
like nothing else out there. Some folks
see the visual style and fall deeply in
love, and some folks don't. We know
that it is a dense film conceptually
and plot wise, and definitely benefits
from multiple viewings. I think we both
expected that if we make the film that
made us happy, just let it follow its
own freaky path, then there would be
folks out there who would appreciate
and hopefully love it. So far, that has
been the case, and it has been tremendously gratifying when new viewers
get the film.•
Wreck-It
Ralph
(Buena
Vista)
This incredibly charming animated
film offers a little something for
everyone-gamers, geeks, kids,
kids at heart, and lesbians will all
find a reason to fall in love with
Wreck-ItRalph.The film is set in an
arcade video game world where
the eponymousWreck-It Ralphhas
grown weary of his role as the bad
guy-and the lonelinessthat comes
with it, so he strikes out to earn a
hero medal and the acceptance it will
earn him. Along the way he meets
Calhoun,a butt-kicking heroine from
the first person shooter Hero's Duty
voiced by Jane Lynch and Vanellopel
a sassy outcast with the dream of
becoming a racecar driver voiced by
Sarah Silverman.
Game
ofThrones:
The
Complete
Second
Season
(HBO
rntertainment)
With seasonthree kickingoff this
month,it's the perfect time to catch
up with the stellar seasontwo of
this EmmyAward-winningseries on
Blu-ray.Whenseasontwo opens,
Westernsis on the brink of war as
severalfactions vie for the iron throne.
And while the central conflict focuses
on men(andone woman's)quest for
power the women of this series remain
just as fierce, fascinatingand deadly
as their malecounterparts-to cross
Cersei,Daenerysor Arya is fatal. The
sophomoreseasonalso introducesits
first femaleknight,Brienneof Tarth,a
towering vision of brute strength and
chivalry who pledgesherselfto
CatelynStark. -Rachel Shatto
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
when Pat was 14 and the girl was sent
away to school. Peggy later took up with
Pat's hated physical education teacher,
and they had along-term "Boston marriage;' as lesbian relationships were
termed at the time.
Pat married a Stanford classmate
and they had a daughter, Carla, then
divorced when Carla was 12. After the
divorce, Carla went to live with her
father. Her mother, Pat, moved in with
a woman whom Carla hated.
"I don't think of it as a lovely
lesbian history, but instead
it reveals how toxic a secret,
hidden, denied homo sexuality can be;' says Tomaso.
"I recall my gransmother
making fun of another Boston marriage between two of
her friends, and my mother
never identified as a lesbian
CARLA TOMASO
because she had to hide the
relationship from my father
to get alimony.
Carla Tomaso's Frozenoffers a chilling read. ev ELLEN GEORG1ou
"My grandmother's relationship,
however, was very happy, and they
hen Elizabeth discov- its the mother-daughter theme found had a good life together. They were
ers that her recently
in much of her work and, despite the very kind to me, so I felt very positive
deceased mother, Hel- creepy cryonics, over-the-top char- about women together. And, while
en, has had herself
acters and amazing turn of events, is my mother's own relationship was far
cryogenically preserved-that
is, fro- the closest depiction of her own rela- from good, I grew up knowing many
zen-her grief is mixed with other
tionship with her mother. Fiction, of wonderful lesbians:'
feelings: "She was a rotten human
course, is never far from truth. And
Tomaso says that being a lesbian is
being the first time around. Every- true stories can be just as fantastic as very natural for her, given her unique
body knew it:' When Elizabeth learns works of the imagination. Tomaso's family culture. It is a background she
that in order to claim her inheritance
own story is extraordinary, although
feels lucky to have, because there was
from Helen's enormous trust she must
she shrugs it off as "unremarkable."
never any shame attached to her own
bring her back to life and raise her as
Tomaso is a third-generation lesbi- identity. It is her relationship with
her daughter, Elizabeth swallows a an. Her mother and her grandmother
her mother, and the decades of wantbottle of tranquilizers and wakes up in were lesbians, with stories as riveting
ing her mother's approval, that she
as any ever created on the page. "It's struggles with. Those issues are still
the hospital.
And so begins Frozen by Carla
unremarkable to me because nobody very painful.
Tomaso, a dark, tense comedy in- was really identified as a lesbian;' says
Tomaso met her own partner, Mary
volving cryonics, reanimation and a Tomaso. "In my grandmother's gen- Hayden, in college, and they have been
daughter's determination to create
eration, lots of women lived together ... together for over 40 years. She says
the good mother that she had always spinsters, sisters, aunts ...and it was having a partner who is a psycholothought of as quite normal:'
wanted. While the novel is fantastic
gist really helps her see things for
fiction, it is also very much Tomaso's
Her grandmother, Peggy, lived a what they are. "My mother was just a
story-the story of a woman who is privileged life in Pasadena, Calif., in bad mother;' she says. "She was so bad
desperate for her mother's approval the early 1900s. She was very much a that my friends labeled her The Worst
and is willing to go to extraordinary
society lady, was married off to a suit- Mother Ever." She then rattles off such
lengths to obtain it.
able husband, and had one daughter,
a stream of examples that begin "My
Frozen, Tomaso's fifth book, revis- Pat. Her husband committed suicide
mother was so bad ..." that it could easily
Mum's the Word
W
APRIL
2013
CURVE
33
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
sound like a comedy act. The anxiety
and pain, however, are as strong today
as they were when she was young.
"My mother was a classic narcissist.
I see that now. All the attention had to
be on her all the time. Mary helps me
because she's seen my mother over the
years and how her lack of interest in
me affected me. Mary's view is proof
my own feelings are valid:'
Despite the neglect, Tomaso says
she idolized her mother, whom she
saw as movie star glamorous. Pat was
attractive, charismatic and rich. She
loved to spend money, drove a RollsRoyce, had maids, liked to buy jewelry, threw lavish parties, had lots of
friends, but simply was not interested
in her only child.
"To have a mother like that really
hollows you out. It's like you don't exist.
When I was a child, I just wanted her to
love me. I was 50 and I still wanted her
to love me:'
In Frozen, the narrator, Elizabeth,
gets the chance to raise her own mother.
To start over.
The book focuses on Elizabeth's
journey to wholeness, after she thaws
out her cryogenically frozen mother,
who is reanimated as a 10-year old,
and tries to raise her to be the mother
she always wanted. Unfortunately, little mom is a dangerously exaggerated
version of her former self, and things
quickly get out of hand.
"Frozen," Tomaso says, "is partly
my worst nightmare, partly a fantasy
that I could make my mother a better
person:'
She began the book while her mother
was still alive and says the book helped
her work through much of the anger
she felt toward her.
When her mother died, Tomaso was
still working on Frozen. The book, she
says, immediately changed direction.
It became less about the mother, and
the narrator-daughter became much
more prominent.
Carla Tomaso is widely known as
one of the early lesbian writers with
literary leanings. Her work is not just
about sex, romance and lesbianism.
"At 61, lesbianism is not the issue for
me. I do, however, have a problem
with aging. I think that as you get older
you become more invisible. I have a
problem with that." The feeling that
she was invisible to her mother has
shaped her enormously. She says it
has shaped her in good ways and bad.
"The good is that I certainly have
a big subject to write about, in that I
had to overcome neglect to develop
my own coping mechanisms. The bad
is deep insecurity and feeling unsure
if I matter, if I'm valuable. My writing
may partly come out of this need to be
seen."
And that is a need many lesbians
can relate to. (carlatomaso.com) •
EDITOR'S
PICK»
BYRACHEL
PEPPER
Depression:
APublic
Feeling,
Ann
CvetKovicn
(DuKe
University
Press)
34
CURVE
APRIL
2013
In her latest book, Depression:A Public Feeling.
Ann Cvetkovich considers depression from
cultural, historical, political and personal
perspectives. She writes, "I'd like to write about
depression in a way that simultaneously captures
how it feels and provides an analysis of why
and how its feelings are produced by social
forces." To this end, she looks at depression as
a systematic force and historical category, a
"felt experience" which shapes how we live and
which is produced by oppressive forces such
as racism, cultural violence, political oppression
and even academia. "Depression can be seen
as a category that manages and medicalizes the
effects associated with keeping up with corporate
culture and the market economy, or with being
completely neglected by it," she writes. Although
she is not the first to consider that institutionalized
racism causes depression, Cvetkovich's take
on academia's ills is unique. She writes, "My
episodic narrative tells the story of how academia
seemed to be killing me, a statement that seems
very melodramatic ...But to feel that your work
doesn't matter is to feel dead inside, a condition
that is normalized for so many. Academia breeds
particular forms of panic and anxiety leading to
what gets called depression." To prove her point,
Cvetkovich includes a 40-page section of linked
vignettes which capture her own struggles with
a depression so acute she would wake up feeling
paralyzed, with the "only physical difference
between being awake and being asleep was that
my eyes were open." Still, Depression:A Public
Feelingis not a pity party. Cvetkovich offers hope
to all who fight depression by suggesting that as
she has emerged from despair, so can others.
She does not promise this through "magic bullet
solutions or happy endings." But she does suggest
that through the passage of time, we come to
understand that people can acknowledge, feel
and move through depression in a transformative
journey that is "a slow and painstaking process,
open-ended and marked by struggle," but a
journey that is worth living, nevertheless.
REVIEWS/
Survivor Girl
Lara Croft is back-and kinda gay.
L
ara Croft made her first
appearance in the original
Tomb Raider in 1996 and
with guns blazing akimbo,
voluptuous curves and a sense of adventure she became an instant videogame
icon and favorite oflesbian gamers.
Now,17 years and seven sequels later,
the Tomb Raider franchise remains one
of the most popular and its protagonist
the most mysterious. Which is why
we were thrilled to discover that this
year's Tomb Raider is taking us back
to the very beginning and beyond
with a prequel that unearths the origin of Croft's indomitable survivor
girl spirit.
The game kicks off at sea, off the
coast of Japan, with a young, inexperienced Croft looking to make her
mark as a member of an archeology team searching for the ancient
remains of Sun Queen Himiko, when a
sudden storm leaves them shipwrecked
on an island that is far from deserted.
Croft's trials begin quickly when
she is taken captive and has to fight for
her life to escape, only to see her friend
Sam snatched away. The remainder of
av RACHEL sHATTo
the game sees Croft on a quest to save
her friend, no matter who or what gets
in her way. It's Croft's urgency and anguish over Sam's abduction that feels,
well, pretty Sapphic subtext-heavy. She
does have a number of friends in peril
on the island, but it's Sam that has our
heroine battling heavily armed cult
members, bloodthirsty predators and
a variety of supernatural beasties. And
we're all for it.
The prequel also marks the first
time in the franchise's history that a
Tomb Raider game has received an M
(Mature) rating, and it's for good reason as this title earns its rating with
blood and gore by the bucketful. This
may be shocking for longtime fans of
the series, but those who can appreciate a little survival-horror (a la The
Descent) mixed into their action are
going to find plenty to love here.
However, it's not just the violence
that has changed this time around,
as Croft herself is quite a different
character. This isn't the wisecracking,
butt-kicking and fully self-sufficient
aristocrat we know and love; rather,
she is the young woman who has yet
TECH
to have the life experiences that will
mold her and give her the emotional
mettle the later Croft exhibits. That
said, she may be naive and unskilled,
but she is never weak and she rises to
the occasion, taking on challenges and
tragedy with gusto.
In terms of the gameplay itself, this
new take on Tomb Raider strikes a good
balance of exploration and action, and
offers ample opportunities for stealth
and even some gasp-inducing timed
action sequences that keep the game
moving along at a breakneck pace.
However, where the game disappoints
is in the lack of puzzles-a staple of the
series-and the omission is glaring.
''
IT'S
CRO~T'S
URGtNCY
AND
ANGUISH
ovrnSAM'S
ABDUCTION
THAT
~ttlS,Wrll,PRtTTY
SAPPHIC
SUBHXT-HtAVY.
''
For puzzle enthusiasts there are some
smaller puzzles to be found within
the optional tombs you discover along
the way-this reviewer highly recommends completing them as it adds to
the authenticity of the Tomb Raider
experience.
The game closes with a cliffuanger,
which is good news since if this outing
is any indication of where this reboot
is headed we're eagerly anticipating
the next chapter on the reigning queen
of the video game world. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
35
esbian funny lady Stamie Karakasidis was thrust into the
limelight in season one of The Real L Word when she and
her partner Tracy Ryerson shared the story of blending
their family. So when it comes to juggling career and family,
this mother of three knows what she's talking about-and she
does so in the matter-of-fact tone and a quick-witted way we've
come to know and love her for.
L
How old are your three kiddos?
The twins Dautry and Nikos are almost
6, and Jagger is almost 8. I have to add
the "almost;' because I hear about
their upcoming birthdays daily. They
are extremely excited about being a
year older. I, on the other hand, have
a nervous breakdown every time they
mention it, because my birthday is
right behind.
Is there anything your parents did while
you were growing up that you vowed to
do or not do as a parent?
I try to make sure I don't raise my voice
Greek style, and be more patient. My
kids have been taught to express themselves, and my daughter Dautry has
said to me, "You are yelling at me and
I don't like it:' So I try to explain to her
that I am not yelling, I am Greek and
we talk loudly. She doesn't buy it.
Why kids not cats?
So many reasons. Where do I begin?
Cats don't respond well to time-out,
and most importantly, cats do not
laugh out loud to my butt jokes.
Do your parents support your decision
to raise a family?
They are very supportive and loving.
I had such a large portion of my adult
life hidden from them because I wasn't
out. So I make my decisions by instincts.
Told them after the fact, no need to
stress them out with the process, just
share the joy. So I sprung it on them.
What's more fun than surprising your
parents with twins? They were their
biological grandkids but my ex carried
them. Perfect formula!
What are some of the funniest things
your kids have done?
When they start speaking like you,
and you think to yourself, Oh shit,
they hear everything. Jagger walking
around calling people "train wrecks"
is not a good idea. Not sure how his
autistic classmates would respond to
that. Ohyes, and they started this game
when they walk into the room dressed
up like one of our family members, and
you have to guess who they are. Seeing
their sense of humor really makes
me happy.
Are you more of a "follow your own
path," free-spirited mom, or more of
a set daily schedule, Ethel Tenenbaum
type?
I would say a tiny bit of all of them. I
like to think that I am a free-spirited
mom and anything goes, but with kids
if you don't set some structure they
own you, and it's painful. Motherhood
is ever-changing and you have to
grow and learn constantly. It's like
a survival reality show-you have to
constantly reevaluate your actions and
change your game plan. If not, you will
be killed.
But I am a big kid so I always leave
room for spontaneous acts to keep it
interesting. I came home late the other
night past the kids' bedtime and I yelled
out, "Frozen yogurt time kiddies, let's
go." They were in pajamas and looking
at me like I was nuts, but they loved it,
and I know they will remember that
experience for a very long time. Have
to get extra Mama points whenever I
can. Tracy just smiles, sometimes you
can't control the crazy.
On average, how many cups of coffee
a day do you have to consume to make
it through?
At first, I thought my younger girlfriend Tracy would keep me awake, but
once I realized she passes out at g p.m.,
I knew I had to change my approach.
Since I share my kids equally with my
ex-partner Julie, I make my two to
three espressos a day to keep me going,
and then when they go to their Mommy's house, I pass out for a 24-hour
period and then start all over again.
Do a lot of your stand-up jokes come
from family experiences?
All my jokes come from family experiences. God has made sure I don't have
to leave my world to find humor. He
has given it to me in every aspect of my
life. This is why I would be an amazing
sitcom writer; so much to draw from.
Your family is Greek. Does this play a
part in your family dynamic?
Yes, absolutely. I turn into my parents
more and more each day. I realize what
the hell they meant when they made
these odd statements growing up. Parenthood is challenging, and my parents
were immigrants and did a wonderful
job opening a business and raising a
family without knowing the language.
I realize that I want some of the traditions I had taken for granted to be part
of the kids' lives. I am really doing my
best to teach them Greek, and they
are receptive, because they know how
important it is to their Mama.
Do you know how to make spanakopita
and baklava?
Now I feel like I have dropped the
ball. In my mind, I'm still in my 20s
and still expect my mom to cook her
famous homemade spanakopita with
her homemade dough. When I grow up
I will ask for the recipe.
What advice would you give to lesbians
considering having children?
I would say good luck. Keep it private,
map out a plan and make sure all parties involved are legally protected.
I was just added to the twins' birth
certificate after almost six years, and
they are my biological children. Some
laws make no sense, and as gay women
we have to cover our butts. Always put
the baby first, no ego, it does get easier
than the first year, keep the romance
alive in your relationship, don't be too
uptight, and most of all, have fun. Keep
living your life and lead with love. Lead
with love, and life will continue to give
you amazing experiences. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
37
nne Steele connects with audiences through
music that speaks to the heart. Her instinct for performing, and
her sheer virtuosity, have won her awards and taken her out of
the Midwest and around the world. "She can sing anything," says
partner and soon-to-be wife, Kelli Carpenter. And it all started in
Shelbyville, Ind. (population 20,000, motto "Pride in Progress").
Steele comes from three generations
of cabaret singers. Her grandmother
could sing and play the piano by ear; her
mother used to perform in New York
City. The family home had a music room
and Steele remembers jam sessions
where she listened to jazz standards
and performed them for the family.
Her musical instincts were evident very
early on: "My mother would sing me a
note as a baby and I would sing it back
in the same pitch;' she says.
Responding to music came naturally
to Steele, who was also a dancer from
the age of 3. When she was 8, she
played Annie in her town's production of the hit Broadway musical, and
at home, in a way, she was always
onstage. She was, she admits, precocious-but clearly talented. Her mom
had hopes for her, too. "She introduced me to Barbra Streisand and I
liked her but I was more drawn to pop.
I looked to Whitney Houston as the
Barbra Streisand of the pop world. I
remember being obsessed with the
way she sang;' she says.
Her love for female musicians didn't
ring any bells on the sexuality front,
nor did her crush on her high school
music teacher. Steele went on to Ball
State University and joined a sorority.
Her father had degrees in political science and history and she imagined she
would follow in his footsteps. She did,
earning her degree in psychology and
political science, but in her final year
she burned out.
When her academic future hit the
wall, she thought about auditioning
for Opryland in Nashville. "'Go!'" she
says her mom told her. " 'Forget the
LSATs! I always wanted you to major
in musical theater: " And that's how
Steele got to live in Nashville for a year
and a half, further honing her musical expertise. There, she worked at a
bar with a lesbian, and suddenly that
same-sex attraction was a realityand a possibility. "I'd always had good
connections with men, some of whom
turned out to be gay;' she recalls, noting
that, as with her musical instinct, her
gaydar seemed preinstalled, too. Once
Steele discovered her emerging sexual
preference it stuck, and she spent nine
years with her first girlfriend. Always
one to be honest, she shared the news
with her mom, who wasn't crazy about
it. For one thing, she ran a dance studio back in Shelbyville, and she was
afraid that someone would judge her
daughter. And then there were those
familiar mom fears: "I'll never see my
daughter's wedding. I'll never have
grandchildren."
Eventually, she embraced her daughter's girlfriends and changed her tune
(as it were), becoming even more supportive when Steele settled down with
Kelli Carpenter and her four children.
"Now Mom's totally ecstatic about the
kids;' she says. And, in fact, she will
see her daughter's wedding. "We're
planning a big family wedding;' says
Steele. "The kids are all going to participate. When gay marriage passed in
New York State, we were in Provincetown and everyone screamed and was
so happy. We knew then and
there that it was going to happen, that we were going to get
married:'
Even though Steele has
found her lesbian family, it
seems as though the community has yet to find her. "About
75 percent of my audience is
gay male;' she says. "I'd love
to grow my lesbian audience:'
And what a discovery they
will make. Steele has earned
her chops in endless rounds
of Broadway auditions, in any
number of piano bars, and in many
glittering guest appearances onboard
R Family Cruises. The stellar rise in
New York City's cabaret scene has
given her great opportunities. She's
taken some major awards, and wows
the cabaret crowd, hence her adoring
gay male fans.
But lesbians should know that
she also does kick-ass pop and rock,
covering favorites such as Sara
Bareilles, Pink, Rihanna and Kelly
Clarkson. "That is the place that I live,
vocally;' says Steele of her pop diva
playlist. "I don't write my own music,
but I do covers that are unique to me,
and interesting. Pop music drives me:'
I can personally vouch for the fact that
this plucky, soulful, smart redhead
can do everything from Britney
Spears' "Toxic" (an improvement on
the original, if I do say so) to Melissa
Etheridge's "Secret Agent:' So listen
up, ladies.
Out for 15 years, Steele is open about
her life when she's onstage, delighting
her audiences with stories and friendly
patter. "I have nothing to lose. And it's
vital to me that people know who I am.
When I go onstage I'll talk about a lot
of things, and I won't hide who I am.
To see me live, you understand more of
who I am and what drives me."
Yes, Anne Steele wants to connect with you, and if you can't make
it to one of her live gigs or gay cruises,
meet her via Strings Attached, which
runs the gamut from the classic "Tennessee Waltz" to Pink's "Sober." It's a
warm, rich, and memorable musical
encounter. (annesteele. com) •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
39
FASHION»
Newcomers to the scene, the women of Wildfang are
raiding men's closets and rocking your granddad's clothes.
BY MOLLY WILLIAMS
/// PHOTOGRAPHY
BY LINDSEY BYRNES
mma Mcilroy and Julia Parsley
have kickstarted Wildfang, a clothing
company for tomboys. The brand launched
their web store in March and have plans for
a brick and mortar store in their hometown,
Portland, Ore. While the interest in menswear
for women is catching on with various
designers and retailers, the ladies at Wildfang
earn extra bonus points for hiring several
sexy high profile lesbians including Megan
Rapinoe, Hannah Blilie and Kate Moennig
(as Shane) to be their brand ambassadors
Wildfang founders Mcilroy and Parsley,along
with creative director Taralyn Thuot, share
how they plan to keep the tomboys of the
world looking their fashion-forward best.
How did Wildfang come about?
Other than a brief stint copying Madonna's
look in elementary school, my style idols growing up
were always men. I've spent years walking into stores
and leaving empty-handed because the men's stuff was
way too big and the women's stuff was too girly, too
tight, too pink, too seasonal. One day I said to Emma,
"Why isn't there a store that just sells this stuff for
girls?" Surely we weren't the only ones who'd stolen
our grandpa's cardigans or our ex-boyfriend's buttonups and wanted more of it. It was such a simple idea,
such an obvious need in the marketplace, and we felt
we could do it justice.
THUOT: Honestly, I was a born shopper. I love the thrill
of the hunt, finding gems and tailoring them to fit
me perfectly. But I see day in and day out how many
women want the same results, without the time, effort
and expense of tailoring. Fit is paramount and most
women can't buy a men's piece off the rack and find it
flattering on them.
PARSLEY:
Where does the awesome name Wildfang come from?
PARSLEY: Wildfang is a German word. It's slang for tomboy. It's one of those nicknames a parent might call a
daughter who's a bit of a rascal, who's a bit rough-andtumble, and we loved that. We also thought it sounded
like a cross between a children's book and a rock band,
which, if you get to know me and Emma, is probably a
pretty good reflection of our personalities.
Women come in many shapes and different sizes, is
that something Wildfang will be addressing?
The three of us-Emma, Julia and myself-all
have different body types. When the three of us try
something on and love it... we know it's a gem. But we
also will be helping our consumer understand the best
styles for her body type. Some items just look best on
curves ...others on a more boyish frame. We want to
help with those recommendations and eliminate the
confusion for her.
THUOT:
42
CURVE
APRIL
2013
APRIL
2013
CURVE
43
MCILROY: Yeah, we know it's a huge pain point for o
We have a ton ofWildfangs on the team. The four
to the trade shows to buy the clothes-two co-found
and buyer. That's four women with very different bo
different types of tomboy style. When four ofus foun a piece
we loved, we tried it on. If it fit, and if we thought w s worth
the price we bought it. So you should know that four tomboys
went to buy the clothes and every single item we sell has been
tried on by at least one member of the Wildfang team.
Why do you think it's still difficult for women to find androgynous clothing when it's so trendy?
Ultimately, I believe there are two issues at work here ...
one being that most brands treat menswear-inspired style as
a passing trend. So they don't invest in updating or addressing
fit. The other issue is that often when menswear lines produce
a women's offering they just add loads of darts and shape to
their men's fit and turn items pink or lavender. I promise ...
when we ask for reinvented tomboy styles that is not what we
are referring to. Ha!
THUOT:
You've chosen an amazing group of women for brand ambassadors! How did you go about choosing Kate, Megan and Hannah?
Wildfang is about style. It's all about an attitude.
It's about being strong, confident, driven, as well as fun and
cheeky. It's the girl you look up to, and the girl you want to go
for a beer with. Each of these girls rocks the tomboy style and
also rocks the tomboy attitude. They're all badass chicks. They
were a blast to work with and we are so proud that they're part
of the Wildfang family. (wildfang.com) •
MCILROY:
44
CURVE
APRIL
2013
-
'
I
'
'
IT
YOU
AND
YOU
FOR
THE IRL
LOOK UP TO~
THE GIRL
WANT TO GO
A BEER WITH.
APRIL
2013
CURVE
45
WHERE WILL WE LIVE
(AND HOW CAN WE AFFORD IT)?
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
he nation is getting older-and
Retirement planners suggest that by the time
fast. According to a recent U.S.
you are 45, you should reserve a space where you
Census Bureau report, there
can "age in place"-stay in your home as you age.
are now more Americans 65 or
The younger you are when you make these deciolder than at any time in U.S.
sions, the more likely it will be that you can afford
history-the
elderly comprise
the retirement home of your dreams.
13 percent of the population.
Yet according to a January 2013 study from
SAGE (Services and Advocacy
U.S. News & World Report, fewer than a third of
for GLBT Elders) puts the numall Americans have retirement savings,
ber of lesbians and gay men over 65 at
more than a third will tap into their 401(k)
accounts at least once before retirement,
1.5 million, but other activists say the
and half don't have enough savings to last
number is higher. The U.S. Census
also tells us that there are more elderly
even three months, let alone the two decades
women than men. Fifty-seven percent
that most women will be living past the
of Americans over 65 are women, and
age of 65.
77 percent of those 85 and older are
Money is the first thing to take into
women, which means that there will be
account when choosing a place to live out
more elderly lesbians than gay men, and that
your golden-or lavender-years. Other issues
housing for elderly lesbians will be vital in the
include safety, access to health care, climate
coming years.
and proximity to friends and family. And then
SAGE in New York offers myriad resources
there's the nature of the community you'll live
for LGBT seniors, as well as some unsettling
in. Will you suffer discrimination? Will you have
stats. Queer seniors are more likely than their
to explain yourself, or will questions about you
heterosexual peers to live alone; more likely
and your partner be unnecessary?
not to have children, or an extended family;
The concept behind Fountaingrove Lodge, in
more likely to be living in poverty. Also, queer
Santa Rosa, Calif., is well-appointseniors have to deal with the issue of being out-or
ed living in serene surroundings.
closeted-in settings that provide a community for
Fountaingrove promotes itself as
the nation's first LGBT senior compeople over 65.
A study released in March 2012 by Wider Opmunity designed both for people
portunities for Women (WOW), a Washington,
who can live independently and for
D.C.-based research agency, found that 60 percent
people who require continuing care.
of women over 65 in the U.S. cannot afford food,
Fountaingrove looks like a resort
housing and health care. While many elderly
hotel, with everything from the requisite
women (27 percent, according to the census
pool and golf course to resident gardens
data) end up living with an adult child or grandand orchards. There's a movie theater, fitchild, less than a third of lesbians have children,
ness center, art studio, bank, and drivers to
raising the question Where will we live as we age?
take residents off the property. Since it's in
Some communities are attempting to answer
the heart of California wine country, there
Residents
that question with LGBT senior-specific housing being of Birds of
is a wine cellar on site. Also, pets are allowed. Aca Feather;
built with the goal of serving of an aging-and outcording to Gena Jacob, senior marketing director
Fountaingrove
Lodge; Birds
queer population.
for Fountaingrove, the facility is "perfect for those
of a Feather
This kind of housing runs the gamut-from pricey
who want to age in place:' Jacob explains that there
single family dwellings in resort-like settings to efficiency are units for those with illness that requires advanced care
apartments for LGBT seniors with the restrictive incomes
and units for people with dementia and Alzheimer's. But the
that many older lesbians will have.
main focus is enjoyable retirement for single or partnered
46
CURVE
APRIL
2013
LGBT people who want to remain in a queer community as
they age. "We want this to feel like home," Jacob says. "We
want people to feel comfortable and secure:'
Birds of a Feather is similar to Fountaingrove in its concept, but consists of single-family adobe-style houses on a
140-acre spread in northern New Mexico. Founded in 2004,
BoaF is what founder Bonnie McGowan calls "a thoughtful
community development for people who care about environmentally responsible living, an active and healthy lifestyle,
and forming strong social connections when we need them
most-as we are aging:'
Resident Ellen Bell says, "Our community represents
everything I wanted in a retirement home.
The physical environment is beautifulgnarly old pinion pines, brilliant blue skies,
space to walk for days, an abundance of
wildlife to observe, and a grand view of the
Milky Way on a clear night:' Bell describes
BoaF as a diverse family with residents from
all over the country, who are "talented, kind,
caring, fun, and industrious ...fully engaged in
building a community where we can grow old
in a safe and accepting place."
While Fountaingrove has leisure at its
heart, BoaF is oriented toward women
interested in the outdoors and what the
desert climate has to offer. (There's a
riding stable on the property, as well as
numerous hiking trails.)
The appeal of Fountaingrove and
Birds of a Feather is alluring, if you can
afford them. For those who cannot,
different options are evolving. Cities
with large LGBT populations, notably
San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles,
Chicago and Philadelphia, have activists
working to create affordable housing for
LGBT people. GLEH (Gay & Lesbian Elder Housing) is a
model for such low-income housing in an urban setting.
Triangle Square, a $20 million, 104-unit building in
Hollywood, was opened in 2007. A documentary about the
process, A Place to Live: The Story of Triangle, underscores
just how intensely lesbians and gay men feel about living in
a queer senior community. Alice, a retired social worker,
lived with her partner, Sylvia, for 45 years, until Sylvia's
death. Left with only $1,000 a month in income, and her two
cats to care for, Alice said that Triangle Square, "a sheltering and nurturing place," saved her life. "It gave me a place
to live, a place to grieve, and a place to find me:'
In November 2012, Philadelphia Gay News publisher
Mark Segal realized a long-term dream when ground was
broken on the city's first high-rise apartment building for
LGBT seniors. Segal, himself 62, explains that the queer
community has been focused on many issues over the years,
from "HIV/AIDS to marriage equality to bullying. We never
put a system in place for LGBT seniors-especially those
who are low-income and very endangered:'
The building Segal has worked toward realizing will
feature 56 one-bedroom units in the heart of the city's
downtown gayborhood. Affordability will be the optimizing
factor, with apartments ranging from $165 to $785 a
month, depending on the tenant's income. Philadelphia's
low-income LGBT housing differs from other LGBT senior
housing in how low the rents are and in where the building
is, in the center of the city-a high-income area with all
the aspects of queer community that LGBT seniors could
access readily when they were younger.
Openhouse in San Francisco is devoted to creating lowincome housing for LGBT seniors. In December 2012, Mayor
Ed Lee announced that a grant of $6.1 million had been
allocated to build no units of affordable housing
for LGBT seniors. Ground breaking on the site is
scheduled for this year.
In Chicago, an So-unit housing development
is scheduled to be built by 2014 in Boystown, the
city's major queer neighborhood. Chicago's LGBT center has a program offering services to approximately 500 LGBT
seniors that includes home visits as well
as social activities.
One of the reasons that these options
are so vital to queer elders is because,
as many of the seniors in the Triangle
Square testimonials explain, the issue
of housing is still rife with discrimination. Elderly women are most often the victims
of discrimination based on both gender and age.
The federal Fair Housing Act, which prohibits
discrimination in eight different areas, does not
prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual
orientation or gender identity.
As the LGBT population ages, demand for
services has increased, and resources for LGBT
seniors are available in many cities. In New York
City, for example, SAGE has a comprehensive,
citywide program that provides advocacy, activities and a
full-time senior center, which is open daily and offers dinner every evening. SAGE also provides home visits for shutins and case management for elderly LGBT people who are
negotiating health and other issues.
Ultimately, most elderly lesbians want what Ellen Bell
says she found at BoaF, "a community where we can grow
old together in a safe and accepting community:' Adding,
"When I built this house, I told my friends it was my 'bag'
house. I plan to live here until they carry me out in a bag!
This is where and with whom I belong:'
In order to access that level of comfort and contentment
later in life, queers of all ages will need to participate in the
process. As one lesbian noted, "When we think queer community, we think youth. We don't see our older people. They
are invisible:'
With the growth of LGBT-specific senior housing, that
is beginning to change. Focusing on our future, so that our
senior years aren't spent in loneliness and isolation, is a new
imperative-a challenge that must be met for the good of
the entire community.•
APRIL
2013
CURVE
47
FAMILY CIRCLE
ourage, strength, dignity, audacity, fearlessnessspecific HIV/AIDS testing. COV also collaborated with
the nonprofit Circle of Voices exemplifies all these
Lambda Legal for a panel discussion on finances, gay adopqualities. Founded by Jean Wimberly in 1993, Circle of tion, and a Health Care Act survey.
Voices initially aimed at addressing the disparity between
Recently, COVteamed up with the New York Legal Assiswomen's festivals that featured European-style music and tance Group (NYLAG) and the Lesbian Cancer Initiative
a multicultural women's festival that would attract more
at NYC's LGBT Community Center as a way to bring canwomen of African descent and women of color. Although
cer resources to women of color, and to provide caregiver
she was able to create a Womyn of Color tent at Michfest,
support meetings.
one of the largest and most prominent festivals in the
"We are the security blankets of support going to a
U.S., Wimberly knew that this alone was not enough to community resource," says Mitchell, who is also on the
mitigate a lack of community visibility
Women's Community Advisory Board at the Callenfor women of color. Wimberly's
Lorde Community Health Center. Achieving her
goal to grow the organization has not been easy,
efforts culminated in the 1993
but Mitchell is an activist dedicated to encourWomyn of Color East Coast
Music Festival, where her
aging women of color to take advantage
organization provided
of all the health care resources that are
women of color with a
available to them.
platformtoshowcase
Thankfully, COV is also powered
their talents, and
by volunteers, who work alongside
also provided them
the director to orchestrate events
with a forum to
throughout the year. Their effort
discuss vital social
to create opportunity from virtuissues.
ally nothing is commendable. They
are believers in the pay-it-forward
Today,the main
goal of Circle of
method.
"Pay it forward is just that-how
Voices is still to
provide opportunican you expect goodness if you don't
DISTRIBUTINGRESOURCES
ties to foster a collabgive it?" says Mitchell. "Our volunteers
TO WOMEN OF COLOR.
orative and supportive
are our kings, queens, and royal family.
environment where feWe treat them well. A thank-you is mandaBY LANIAYA ALESIA HOOFATT
male artists and friends of
tory! Sometimes we get free theater tickets,
the community can increase
and we offer them to our volunteers as our
their appreciation of the arts
way of showing that we appreciate the time they
to gave us."
through performances, seminars and
workshops given by women of color. In this creative environMitchell is quick to voice her appreciation of everyone
ment, women of all orientations can exchange information,
who volunteers for COV, but emphasizes how urgent the
stories, and skills through various forms of self-expression.
need is for health, legal, and other services, because chariKaz Mitchell became the director of Circle of Voices table giving has declined in recent years. COV has certainly
(COV) in 2009, and in the years since she has been step- been hit by this decline, but it does not stop Mitchell.
ping up the original initiative by working to bridge the gap COV searches every avenue available to get what it needs
between gay individuals of color and the health care com- to help people.
munity. Together with groups like Gay Men's Health Crisis
"As a woman of color in an organization that services
and the Women's Institute/LAP (Lesbian AIDS Project),
one of the most underserved communities, with the most
COV was able to distribute safer sex kits exclusively
disparities, I strive harder to make the change I want to see
designed for women; conduct awareness discussions on for my community. In our work, we often collaborate with
safer sex and the prevention of HIV/AIDS; and offer women- other organizations to bring opportunities to community
48
CURVE
APRIL
2013
members, such as free mammograms, HIV tests and lowcost health benefits;' says Mitchell.
When dealing with the ins and outs of healthcare access,
Mitchell knows that the more allies she has, the better
she will be able to help those who come to COV for assistance. "The power of networking has really helped us,
because I have found some wonderful allies in our work.
Instead of being frustrated, I use that fire to move the
cause forward."
While the economy has been recovering, Giving USA, a
seminal publication reporting on the sources and uses of
charitable giving in the U.S., shows that it is the larger
organizations that receive the lion's share of the money.
But that does not stop COV from reaching out for desperately needed resources.
"As we use art to address our community issues, the
community understands us, because they are more impacted by the artists who share their craft of spoken word,
singing, fine art, and more to reveal a story of caution, love,
tragedy and hope;' says Mitchell.
Call it growing with the times. Call it creativity. Whatever
you want to call it, COV is using any means at its disposal
to connect with anyone and everyone who needs resources.
With overhead costs of even running a nonprofit always going
up, technology has become a lifeline for COV.
"Weare the
dtttUihJ blanlieLJ
of4UpportgoingID
a comnwnityreMJUrce''
"We wanted to find a way to create resources that spoke
to our community with 24/7 access. So we came up with
Circle of Voices Inc. On-Line, a YouTube channel modeled
on morning TV shows and set around a kitchen table, with
Circle of Voices founder Jean Wimberly and comic Big
Frannie Mei. I am the host and executive producer;' says
Mitchell. "We have been taping shows with a variety of
community contributors, for example, certified acupuncturists, music producers, travel professionals and more."
The goal is to offer user-friendly and entertaining shows
to the LGBT community that will make individuals aware
of the resources and the allies that are out there.
"One of the things that is important to me is for women
of color to feel that they no longer have to justify their needs
and simply to know that it is OK to ask for what they require,
without prejudice;' says Mitchell. (circleofvoicesinc.org) •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
49
ngeline Acain is an
no organized support group
entrepreneur, but like a growing
or activities for gay parents
number oflesbians, she and her
in Hawaii- the state we were
living in at the time-and cerpartner, Susan, are also parents.
Her role as parent led Acain to
tainly not the large numbers of
her role as founder and publisher
LGBT parents you see today:'
of Gay Parent Magazine (GPM).
Acain decided that had to
A GAY PARENTINGSTORY
Acain isn't just preaching to leschange. "My mission with the magaBY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
bian and gay parents with GPM. "I've
zine was to connect gay parents with one
been a parent for 15 years now;' she says.
another and have them feel supported and
"Susan and I adopted our daughter Jiana when
empowered. I also wanted to provide a model
she was just under 2 years old and last summer she celresource for younger people in the LGBT community to
ebrated her Sweet 16. Jiana had her first relationship with show that they too could become parents:'
a boy when she entered high school. Coincidentally, he also
When Acain and her family moved to New York City, she
was the child of lesbian parents. Her decision to start GPM began publishing GPM in the fall of 1998. The response was
"stemmed from a realization of a lack of access to informaas exciting as it was immediate. Acain realized that she had
tion on gay parenting both in print and on the Internet;'
been right-lesbian and gay parents were hungry for a pubAcain explains, noting that during the late 'gos "the only lication that would address them specifically. Acain recalls,
children's book depicting gay parents was Heather Has Two "Within two hours of launching GPMs website, I received
Mommies:'
emails from parents across the U.S. and Canada." People
The market for books for kids with lesbian and gay par- were thrilled to have found GPMs site. Acain says, "I reents started to grow along with legalization of adoption and ceived an email from a woman in the Midwest who felt very
marriage equality, but Acain saw another gap that needed
alone:' The woman was so inspired by GPM, she decided to
to be filled for lesbian and gay parents.
start her own support group for lesbian and gay parents.
"My partner Susan and I had just became parents and
Acain is quick to note that, "Raising children is not everyI was looking for others like us. Through the grapevine, we one's cup of tea as it entails a heck of a lot of patience, loads
learned of other gay parents and some of our gay friends
of money and cleaning up your child's bodily messes:' But
were also becoming parents;' Acain recalls, "But there was the readership of GPM either has children or hopes to have
50
CURVE
APRIL
2013
them, and, like that woman in the Midwest, needs
support for that choice.
"For those who want to parent," Acain says,
"GPM offers heartwarming family stories as well
as resources." Those resources range from queerfriendly IVF companies and adoption agencies
to private schools and summer camps for kids of
queer parents.
Some of the issues GPM addresses have to do with
becoming parents-through
adoption, surrogacy
and alternative insemination. Acain acknowledges
the "how" of becoming a queer parent isn't an easy
decision or road.
"The experience of building a family as a lesbian
or gay person is not as sexy as a straight couple
having intercourse;' she admits. "For the gay
community it certainly does take a village to raise a
child. With adoption, although the legal situation is
improving, gay couples still have difficulty adopting
in some areas of the country. On top of that, the cost
of conceiving or privately adopting is expensive."
Once the child arrives, however, Acain says new
struggles begin. "A parent has to be out in order to
advocate 100 percent for their child. And when we
come out, we have to be ready to face any adversity.
Prior to each school Jiana attended we always met
with the school's teachers and principals to gauge
their response when we let them know Jiana has two
mommies. We had to make sure the school was accepting of our family structure. Not only do parents
deal with coming out, but their child does, too. It is
not uncommon during the awkward adolescence
stage for children of gay parents to feel uncomfortable telling peers their parents are gay:'
For Acain and her partner Susan, a psychotherapist, parenting was an experience they both
wanted. Together for eight years prior to their decision to adopt, they were among the last generation
of lesbian couples to adopt from China, which has
since limited adoptions to straight couples. "Susan
and I have experienced most stages of raising a
child, infancy through adolescence. Jiana is now
asking about getting her driver's permit. Living in
New York City with its excellent public transportation;' Acain says wryly, "we hope to postpone this as
long as possible as our daughter getting behind the
wheel of a car is still a little unimaginable:'
As for what Acain would like to see happen in the
future, making parenting more accessible to
a wider range of lesbians is her immediate
answer. "I'd like to see the cost of conceiving
and private adoptions go down. And of course
being a part of the LGBT community I would
like to see gay parents accepted in more areas
of the country and the world:'
Meanwhile, GPMistheretohelpandsupport
lesbian parents until that acceptance kicks in.
(gayparentmag.com) •
WEDDED IN WASHINGTON
MEET SOME OF THE COUPLES WHO MADE HISTORY.
1Jec.
6, 2012maked the first time same-sex couples could
apply for a marriage license in Washington State. Jubilant couples
lined up for the chance to be among the first married in the state.
After a three-day waiting period, couples could begin to marry at
midnight on Dec. 9.
Shawn Sanders (49) and Jocelyn Guzman (45) have been together
for 16 and half years and drove down from Anchorage, Ala. to get
married in Vancouver. After their marriage in Washington, they
flew to Mexico City and were married there on Dec. 12,2012 and
had a third ceremony at Chichen ltza on Dec. 21,2012.
Sylvie Meier (41)and Winter Erin (28) met at
and plan a masquerade theme wedding for
but they were so excited about Washington
marriage that they came out at midnight to
couples married.
massage school
later in the summer,
passing same-sex
be amongst the first
Ashley Cavner (21)and Jessica Lee (19) were the first in line to get
their marriage licenses and the first to get married at midnight
on Dec. 9. The couple, who'd been together a year and a half said
some people were brushing them off, saying they were too young.
"But no one knows what we've been through," Jessica said. "We've
been pushed to the edge by everyone, especially our families."
Heather Smith (50) and Nancy Blume (61) met at the school
where they both taught and have been together 10 years. They
were first married in Portland, Ore. during the brief window where
marriages were allowed there. Heather said, "It's a spiritual thing. I
am now part of what everybody else gets to do."-Kathy Beige
Guzman; Cavner
and Lee; Smith
and Blume
hen a single mother and her young
daughter were invited by a friend to dot429's Straight Talk,
a symposium on issues that unite the LGBT community and
its straight allies, they had no idea that they themselves
would meet an ally who would help them tackle their biggest problem.
Elizabeth Raphael has been the victim of chronic bullying from her male peers at her New York City school. Her
mother, Jane Raphael, is distraught that nothing has been
done to stop the abuse, and is frustrated at a school system
that seems unwilling to protect her daughter.
"I've been forced to pull Elizabeth from public education and home school [her] for fear she will be thrown down
a flight of stairs and killed- I'm not kidding;' she says.
Raphael has reason to be worried about her only child.
Elizabeth was born via an emergency C-section, and at the
age of 1 her heart stopped and she had to be resuscitated. At
a year and a half, she suffered a stroke and has continued
to suffer seizures triggered by overheating and a
lack of hydration. Thin and small for her age,
she has been academically challenged by
dyslexia and numeracy issues and yet
presents as bright, friendly, and
articulate. Nevertheless, her school
environment seems to foster bullying, with teachers apparently
turning a blind eye.
"The teachers refused to follow Elizabeth's Individualized
"Boxing has helped Elizabeth with self-esteem by helpEducation Plan. This made her
stand out as needy and struging to strengthen her body and
gling," says Raphael. "The IEP is
bridging her fears, so that she's
a document explaining the rules
becoming more confident;' says
A LESBIAN BOXERTEACHES
on how they are to educate ElizaVinci, a former sales manager,
A GIRL HOW TO FIGHT BACK.
beth, specifically. While the law commortgage broker, and stock broker.
BY MERRYNJOHNS
pels the school and teacher to follow the
In Elizabeth, Vinci saw a way
IEP, unless a parent gets an attorney, ultito do something about bullying that
mately there is no way to ensure it is followed.
went beyond lip service or making a video.
With a class of 28 kids, the teachers didn't want to
"It's easy to turn into a victim. Elizabeth needs to
be bothered with details."
learn to turn around and become a leader;' says Vinci, who
Singled out as different, Elizabeth was teased in the first meets with her charge twice a week after school, ties boxgrade and tripped. "She hit her head so severely during
ing gloves onto her hands, and takes her through her paces.
lunch one day, her doctor asked that I watch her several days Boxing is "not about physicality. It's about using your body
to make sure she didn't have a more serious concussion:'
movements and brain to not get hit. It's all about dancing;'
Enter Lillian Vinci, an out lesbian boxing trainer who says Vinci.
runs The Lady Trainer Inc. and offered, after hearing these
Elizabeth, who played a role in a local stage production
stories, to train Elizabeth-physically and psychologically.
of Miracle on 34th Street last year, appears to be enjoying
her pugilistic outings. "She's trying hard. She's excited to
Months later, Elizabeth is transforming.
52
CURVE
APRIL
2013
go home and do exercises;' says Vinci. "I
really do see a magnificent future for her.
She already has the ability to be a leader, to
be a voice, and prevent other girls who are
being bullied from self-harm. It's already
there, and when she throws a left and a
right, you see the leader."
However, the bullying has continued,
says Jane Raphael. This year alone, she was
teased, pushed, hit and shoved while walking in line. A male classmate kicked Elizabeth repetitively under the desk because
she rested her foot on the side of his chair
during an exam.
"She tried alerting the teachers ...They refused to acknowledge a problem," says Raphael, who has taken photos of
her daughter's bruises. "I feel like my teachers are also
bullies," says Elizabeth. "They try to pair me up with people I don't like."
"It appears the teachers do not have a handle on the situ-
ation, do not have control over the
kids, and violence has become the
acceptable norm;' says Raphael.
"Adults who should know and do
better have created the scenario
that fosters bullying. The principal himself told me several years
ago that my daughter needs to
toughen up. That's bullshit! Physically violent children have no place
matriculating with nonviolent children. Our society can do lots more
to fix and acknowledge the roots
of violence and bullying."
Vinci agrees and while she is giving Elizabeth selfdefense lessons today, also believes that long-term, more
work needs to be done on both sides.
"The bully is damaged. How do you try to fix the real
problem, which is fix the damaged person? Stop the vicious
cycle by educating. Hurt does not have to produce hurt." •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
53
FAMILY CIRCLE
or many boys and girls in America,
of men agree that the ban
scouting is their first experion gays in the BSAshould
ence with a peer community.
be lifted. In February,
While many think of scouting
President Obama-all
as emblematic of small-town
U.S. presidents have
America, inner-city kids are
been honorary presialso deeply involved. The Boy Scouts of
dents of the BSA since
America has 2.7 million members; the
it was founded in
Girl Scouts of the USA has 3.2 million.
1910-said the gay ban
In January, the Boy Scouts, which has
should be lifted. Nubeen a center of controversy over its refusal
merous former Scouts
QUEERFEARAND PEERPRESSURE
to allow gay members or scoutmasters into
IN THE SCOUTING MOVEMENT.
who are openly gay have
the organization, while concomitantly being
protested the ban, as have
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
involved in a scandal over what the LA Times
scoutmasters who are gay.
called "massive sexual abuse claims and institutional
Families of gay Scouts have also
protested the ban.
In April 2012, Cub Scout den
leader Jennifer
Tyrrell was
ousted from the BSA when it
was revealed that she is a lesbian. The Ohio mother of a young
son who is a Cub Scout has found
significant support from various
LGBT groups, but Tyrrell has yet
to be reinstated.
The Girls Scouts of the USA
don't have a similar policy of
discrimination. In 1991, the Girl
Scouts published the following
letter: "As a private organization,
Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. respects
the values and beliefs of each of
its members and does not intrude
into personal matters. Therefore,
there are no membership policies
on sexual preference. However,
Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. has firm
standards relating to the approcover-ups," announced that it would be changing its anti-gay priate conduct of adult volunteers and staff. The Girl Scout
discrimination policy. The announcement followed numerorganization does not condone or permit sexual displays
ous discrimination suits filed against the BSA, including
of any sort by its members during Girl Scout activities, nor
one that reached the U.S. Supreme Court.
does it permit the advocacy or promotion of a personal lifeBut in February, one day before the BSAwas supposed to style or sexual preference. These are private matters for
vote to change the policy, the executive board reconsidered
girls and their families to address:'
yet again, putting off the vote until at least May 2013, when
In October 2011, the Colorado GSUSA chapter accepted
its annual meeting takes place. The more than 1,400 mem- a 7-year-old transgender girl, noting, "If a child identifies
bers of the group's national council will vote at that time.
as a girl and the child's family presents her as a girl, Girl
National polls taken immediately after the BSA's new Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout:'
decision showed that 61 percent of women and 49 percent
Membership in the GSUSA has remained stable in the 22
54
CURVE
APRIL
2013
years since the organization established its "don't ask, don't
evangelize" policy on sexual orientation, both for kids and
for adult volunteers. Everyone buys cookies each January. So
why can't the Boy Scouts be more like the Girl Scouts, which
embraces transgender kids in its organization?
The fear of change that is at the heart of the Boy Scouts
current policy of discrimination is much like its past fear
of racial integration. Throughout the first four decades of
the 20th century, the BSA considered African Americans
to be "feeble-minded" and to come from "delinquency
areas:' African Americans, immigrants, and the handicapped were all kept separate, in what were called "Special
Troops:' While there were some African American troops
as early as 1911, integrated troops were not the norm until
the 1970s. When the Jim Crow laws were in place throughout the South, African American Boy Scouts weren't even
allowed to wear the Scout uniform. Conversely, the Girl
Scouts had their first African American troop in 1917, and
by the 1950s, racial balance was the norm. Because the Boy
Scouts' queer fear seems so similar to its earlier racism,
why can't the organization take a lesson from its own past?
Times will change, and being on the wrong side of history
is never a good place to be.
The Girl Scouts didn't go out looking for
H
lesbian leadership or lesbian Scouts, but
they did take the attitude-20 years agothat there were lesbians in society, thus
there would be lesbians in the Girl Scouts.
Currently, there are nearly a million more
Scout,
Girl Scouts in America than Boy Scouts.
Which suggests that the open-door policy of
the GSUSA has made more girls and women
feel welcome than has the restrictive, biased
Boy Scouts policy.
It's time for the BSA to recognize that a
gay scout has as much to offer as a straight
one, and that someone can be "morally
straight;' as the pledge demands, simply by
being a decent young man who puts his concern for others above the bigotry he might
have been taught.
The BSA should consider this conflict as
,.,,.,,._...,.
"
a teachable moment for its membership and
go back to its own history to find a precedent:
The BSA wasn't destroyed by desegregating to include African Americans, and it won't be destroyed
by desegregating to include
gays. But giving gay Scouts
the same opportunities as
their heterosexual counterparts will mean that
the BSA will finally reflect America. There
is no merit badge for
bias and bigotry. Maybe there should be one
for inclusion.•
Cturenlly,
thereare nearlIJ
a millionnwre
girt
in
ilmericathan
13lllJ
scouu
...
1heopen-door
policyofth£
gSVSil hllil
tnlllUnwre
girldand
women/ea
w~,u: ...
facebook.com/lotlrescue
home
contpanions
CURVEREADERS
SHAREPHOTOS
OFTHEIRB.F.F.S
(BESTFURRYANDFEATHERED
FRIENDS).
wewan'S
- eens
d
THETRANSFORMATIVE
POWER
OFDOGSIN LESBIAN
LIVES.
BYJENNYBLOCK
THREEYEARSAGO,I would not have called myself a dog
person. That was before I adopted Walter-a tiny, mangy,
shaky, Chihuahua-cairn terrier mix-from the Texas ASPCA.
I knew the minute I picked him up that he needed me.
What I didn't know was just how much I needed him.
Walter has become my little guru, teaching me to live
in the moment and be grateful for everything around me.
So when I saw a call for entries in a new anthology titled
The Divinity of Dogs: True Stories of Miracles Inspired by
Man's Best Friend, I felt compelled to submit an essay to
the book's editor, Jennifer Skiff.
I was thrilled to find out that my story would be included
and was equally excited to have the chance to speak to two
of the other contributors. The painter and jewelry maker
Camille Boisvert, 53, told me that it was her partner of
27 years, Denise, who led her to submit to the anthology.
"Denise said, 'Hey, why don't you write about Molly for
this?' How could I resist?"
Molly changed Boisvert's life in such an incredible way
that she felt strongly about sharing her story. "She woke
me up from a fog that I didn't understand. I know a lot of
people live like this, creating their own demise, not being
able to stop and think about what is happening at the
moment. I hope Molly's story will be an inspiration, like
she was to me."
Boisvert, too, had never been a dog person. Dogs were
her partner's passion. Molly changed all that. "I tolerated
the dogs before Molly. I tried to be loving, but I just didn't
get it. It didn't come naturally to me. But I truly loved Molly
from my gut, and every dog I meet now has a little bit of
Molly tugging at my heart."
Boisvert says the unconditional love that dogs provide
is "a valuable and life-sustaining phenomenon" that compels people to connect with them in the ways that they do.
Many of the stories in the book have a similar theme:
learning to live, to trust, to love from a four-legged friend.
That was certainly the case for Theresa Pollard, 51, who
grew up in the same small town as Skiff. Although not a
writer by trade, Pollard says she had to tell the story of her
English springer spaniel, Sam, because she'd had a really
tough time as an adolescent and Sam, she says, "rocked my
world. I started trusting life through our relationship. We
shared getting happy, after my many years of misery and
depressed, failed relating."
Pollard says she was always a dog person, but it wasn't
till Sam that her love for a dog became such a huge part of
her life. "I was so protective and aware of our bond. He was
a stray and found me on a beach, while I was in a standoff
with a lover:'
Pollard feels that the connection between people and
their dogs comes from the fact that "dogs have an innocent
dependence on us. It is my belief that what 'saves' us is having
the dogs to take care of."
Having this opportunity to write about Sam, Pollard
says, was a dream come true. "Sam was a very calm, intelligent animal. It was a privilege to take care of him, which
I did until the day he died, in April 1998. I have not had the
heart to replace him even now."
There is so much we can learn from dogs, Pollard says.
"Watching the enjoyment that a dog demonstrates by just
being a dog is a lesson to us as human beings that we can do
the same-be happy to jump up and down with excitement
about our lives:'
The book is filled with dramatic tales about dogs that
saved their owners from serial killers or suicidal leaps. But
more than anything, the book is filled with stories much
like mine:
But the most important thing I've learned from Walter
is that there's always time to love and be loved. No matter
how crazy a day awaits me, he insists on snuggling in the
morning, curved into my body, licking my hand. He sighs
and stretches and puts his paws on me as if to say, "The day
can wait a minute and you'll be all the better for it if you
spend just one minute thinking of nothing but how lucky
we are to love and be loved."Maybe he'sjust lazy and doesn't
want to wake up. But I don't think so. More than anything,
Walter's taught me to stay in the moment because, after all,
moments are all we have.
Excerpt courtesy of Atria Books and The Divinity of Dogs, edited by
Jennifer Skiff. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
59
lialo
effect
PETFOODGETSA
NEWHOLISTIC
SPIN.
BYREKARA
GAGE
60
CURVE
APRIL
2013
WHETHERYOU'REmotivated by
personal goals or the ever-popular beach season, it's that time
of year again, and your focus is
on your health, and in particular on the
foods that you eat. But what about your best
friend, the one that welcomes you home
everyday?
Halo, Purely for Pets is a pet food dedicated to making sure that your dogs and
cats are in their best possible shape, "ready
for their close-up" when you show them off
to family and friends. Since 1986, Halo has
produced high-quality natural products
to keep pets' coats shiny and their energy
level up.
"Nutrition is such a crucial driver of
overall health;' says Bettie Hamilton, VP
of marketing and product development at
Halo. "But it's not just the food-it's the
interaction between the owner, the pet and
the environment:'
It all started with a pet owner named
Andi Brown and her sickly cat, Spot, who
had digestive problems and suffered from
skin irritations, excessive shedding and
bad odor.
After changing Spot's cat food to a socalled premium brand seeing no improvement, Brown started reading labels and
paying attention to cats' nutritional requirements. When she was told that it might
be best to put the cat down because of his
many health issues, Brown began to cook
for Spot herself and Spot's Stew, with all its
nutrient-rich ingredients, was born. With
this homemade stew as a staple of his diet,
Spot's overall health improved enormously.
His skin problems vanished, his digestive
system settled down, and Brown could con-
says Bettie Hamilton.
Quality kibble is just the beginning.
Halo's pet products include dental treats,
pretty moon- and star-shaped cat treats,
food supplements and herbal shampoo, so you have to
wonder if there's anything
they haven't thought of. It's
obvious that the people at
Halo are shameless animal
lovers, so it's no wonder that
pet lover Ellen DeGeneres
had to get in on the fun.
"One of the things I
really believe is that if you're
going to have pets, you
should treat them like you'd
treat yourself. So, because
I think Halo is incredible, I decided to become a
co-owner, in hopes that all
animals have the chance to be the healthiest
they can be;' says DeGeneres. For example,
DeGeneres is a vegan, and now the company
has made a line of vegan food just for dogs.
"We've really benefited from listening to
her interests and incorporating them into
our products," Hamilton says.
And if you think that the compa
stops there, you have no idea. The Halo Pert:
Foundation is the philanthropic arm o
the company, and through its Kibble Drop
Program Halo donates more than 100,000
pieces of kibble a day to pet shelters.
Thanks to an 11-year-pld girl nam d
Mimi Ausland, who wanted to help shelt
pets, freekibble.com and freekibblekat.com
were created. Visitors to the websites can
answer trivia questions about dogs or cats,
and, whether their answers are right or
wrong, the website donates 10 pieces of
kibble per question, improving shelter
pets' health and by extension their adoptability and happiness.
This is all part and parcel of Halo's holistic approach to pet health, which is focused
on treating the "whole animal;' and recognizing that good nutrition is an essential
element of your pet's overall well-being.
With the guiding principles of balance,
nature, and love, Halo hopes to extend
your relationship with your pet. "Feel
good, be good. That's what we believe,"
says Hamilton.•
''
One oCthe
things I really
believe is that iC
you're going to
have pets, you
should treat
them like
you'd treat
yourse1£
,,
firm that there was a direct correlation between her pet's health and the quality of the
nutrients that he ingested.
In 1986, Andi launched Halo, and Spot's
Stew was in limited distribution. Today,
Halo has grown into a nationwide holistic
pet food brand.Halo features whole grains,
salmon oil, chicken, and fruits and vegetables in all its products. Halo makes both
wet and dry foods that are rich in amino
acids, vitamins, and all the nutrients your
pet needs. "So many commercial pet foods
have things that we wouldn't choose to
use. Chicken meal, a rendered ingredient,
is commonly used in other pet foods. It's
boiled and highly processed. We are transparent. We open cans and compare products.
We want our customers to understand our
ingredients. Just because a food has a picture of a chicken, doesn't mean it's good;'
YOULOVEYOURDOGANDYOURCAT,one of which is probably from a rescue organization. You own a "Stop Puppy
Mills" T-shirt, and you become distraught when you read
Facebook posts about circus animals, seal slaughter, big
game hunts and stranded whales. But does your circle of
compassion extend to farm animals? Cows, pigs, horses,
sheep and goats are abused daily, but is anyone doing anything about it? Why is a cat different from a cow?
Ifyouneedconvincingastowhyfarmanimalsareequally
worthy of our care and attention, meet Michelle Alvarez,
formerly an attorney and now the outreach director of
Catskill Animal Sanctuary. This charming, charismatic
animal advocate has a history of activism going back to
1989 and ACT UP. Young, idealistic, determined to change
the world, Alvarez first pursued a legal career, working
for reproductive rights and environmental law for over a
decade, but eventually realized that she "wasn't put on this
earth to be a litigator."
When she read a poem by Alice Walker protesting the
850 million chickens killed each year by KFC, her true
calling became apparent. "I wept for days and I never ate
another land animal;' she says.
Passionate about her cause, and a lively source of
information, Alvarez had me thinking, quite literally,
about where my next meal was coming from. Since its
formation in 2001, Catskill Animal Sanctuary (CAS) has
saved approximately 2,500 animals. "Of that number, 40
percent alone come from hoarders;' says Alvarez, who often
gets calls from local SPCAs, concerned neighbors, and law
enforcement telling her about situations in which people
are hoarding everything from cats to fully grown livestock.
"I have seen incredible situations of cruelty-tiny piglets abandoned, cows left after a dairy operation went
bankrupt, horses locked and abandoned in barns, sheep
used as prey in canned hunts;' she says. (In a canned hunt,
animals are raised in captivity, then released and hunted
on ranches or in private reserves, where they have no
chance of escape.)
all
crea~~s
grea1.,and
SlllaJ.l
62
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Checking off other ways in which the abuse of farm
animals occurs under our radar, she mentions "illegal
slaughterhouses, viveros [live animal abbatoirs], and orthodox religious rituals where animals are slaughtered for
sacrifice. These are unlicensed and unregulated, so how
do you imagine the animals are being treated?"
Our culture tells us to believe that animals are commodities, products, food or entertainment. But the way we
treat our animals, Alvarez believes, is an indicator of our
own level of civilization. "You can link animal cruelty to
other criminal behavior," she notes.
"These animals are no different from me. Listen with
your heart and you will realize that we are more similar o
Each animal rescued by CAS goes to live peacefully on an
idyllic 110-acre farm in the Hudson Valley, New York. You
can sponsor, adopt or visit the animals, and membership,
starting at $40, entitles you to free weekend tours. From
April to October, you can stay onsite at the Homestead, a
renovated 1813 farmhouse, and take a vegan cooking class
in a "no judgments" kitchen, where you'll discover how
vegan food has evolved to become a delicious eating option.
There is also a day camp for kids in July and August.
As a vegan-curious flexitarian but an avid foodie, I admit
that Alvarez had me feeling more than a little guilty about
my next restaurant experience.
"CAS doesn't want to bash people over their heads and
say, 'You're a bad person for eating meat; "she says. "It's a
learning process. Our approach is to accept people where
they're at. We respect how people grew up, how food has
different meanings for different people, but here are the
facts-raising animals for food contributes to global warming more than anything else, raising animals for food involves cruelty, and eating a plant-based diet is better for you.
If you don't do it for the animal, do it for your health and the
planet:'
When she points to "manure lagoons" as one of many
hideous by-products of a steak- and pork-obsessed culture,
I promise to start shopping differently, but I press Alvarez
to dissuade me even further from my next carnivorous
eating experience.
"How do you say to an animal, 'Excuse me, I'm going to
take away your life so I can enjoy one brief, fleeting moment
of pleasure'?" she says. "Even if these animals have not
been raised in a conventional factory farm environment,
where they are tortured from birth to death, they have every
right to live, just as you and I do. Who am I to take an
animal's life away?" (casanctuary.org) •
WHYOURANIMALFAMILY
SHOULD
EXTENDBEYONDPETS.
BYMERRYN
JOHNS
APRIL
2013
CURVE
63
TRAVEL
THIS FLORIDA
BEACH TOWN
WILL TAKE YOU
BACK IN TIME.
BY JENNY BLOCK
+++
64
CURVE
APRIL
2013
I'm not 100 percent sure what it is, but
there's something about South Florida's Jupiter Beach Resort & Spa that
is like going back to a simpler time. It
certainly isn't for the lack of anything.
The rooms are beautiful, with all the
modern conveniences. The spa, the
pool, the restaurants, they're all shiny
and new-in 2011 Jupiter Beach won a
Conde Nast Traveler Readers' Choice
Award as a top U.S. resort.
So maybe it's the setting. Jupiter,
in Palm Beach County, has preserved
an enviable small-town feel. So much
so that I rode a bike (borrowed from
the resort) to get around. In fact, you
can basically bike or walk to almost anywhere you want to be. Little Moir's
Food Shack is one of those places,
for sure.
The resort has great food, both at
the upscale restaurant, Sinclairs Ocean
Grill, and at the Sandbar, by the pool,
where I fell in love with the Sea Breeze
Salad. (Tip: Since it's the beach and all,
and fresh seafood is de rigueur, I asked
my server to trade out the chicken for
the shrimp. Seriously, I ate it every day
I was there.)
But Little Moir's (littlemoirs.com)
is not to be missed, whether you walk,
bike, or drive there. It's super-popular
with locals and visitors alike, but believe me, it's worth the wait. And the
waiting is easy since right next door
there's Maxi's Lineup, a bar with live
music to entertain you, body and
soul. Of course, you'll forget all about
the wait once you taste the food. The
menu is a little daunting-tons
of
fresh seafood and you choose the
sauce and style. The good news is it's
tough to go wrong.
Other food highlights in and
around Jupiter include the Lazy Loggerhead Cafe, the perfect breakfast
joint; Guanabanas, outdoor waterfront dining with killer crab cakes;
and Rocco's Tacos & Tequila Bar, where
you're advised to beware of the margaritas and apps, which make the delicious entrees nearly redundant.
Luckily, there are lots of ways to
work off all the good eating in Jupiter.
There's a paddleboarding outfit just
walking or biking distance from the
resort where you can get a lesson and a
tour complete with some local history.
And don't let the flat water fool youwhen the current's moving, you'll get a
workout. Just steer clear of the docks.
The day I went boarding the current
nearly had its way with me, so I snuck
off to the Jupiter Resort Spa later that
afternoon. I almost missed my sugar
scrub when I discovered that instead
of granola and nuts and tea, there were
trays of cut fruit and berries, with
melted dark chocolate for dipping.
That's my kind of spa. My treatment
was stellar and, I confess, I stayed
around afterward for a second stab at
the chocolate.
It was a good thing I hit the spa
when I did, because the morning after
my treatment, I biked over
the bridge to the Jupiter
Inlet Lighthouse, where I
climbed 105 stairs to get
to the top. The view and
the history lesson were
definitely worth it. And
the resort's loaner bikes,
old-school beach cruisers, make the ride there
and back particularly fun.
(Word to the wise: Be careful on the bridge across
the inlet. The majority
of roads have bike paths
but when it comes to this
bridge, you're on your own.)
When it comes to choosing a
resort, how much I can do there is
equally important to me as how little.
And Jupiter Beach Resort scored
high marks in the lounging around
arena too. Sunday afternoon found
me alternating between a beach chair
poolside and a hammock in the shade
listening to a singer and his keyboard
playing "(Sittin' on) the Dock of the
Bay." Sipping a mojito, just steps from
the spot where the ocean meets the
shore, I found Jupiter to be the perfect
blend of classic and fresh. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
65
TRAVEL
TENNESSEE
WALT
:e
DOLLYWOOD,
DOGGY DAYCARE
AND THE RUSTIC
CHARM OF THE
GREAT SMOKY
MOUNTAINS.
BYANNE MCCUE
+++
day I went to Dollywood, in East
Tennessee, was the day I learned something very important about myself- I
am a slow "Yellow Submarine" kind of
person rather than a Wild Eagle steelwing roller coaster kind of person.
In the middle of a drizzly fall day
after we'd dropped our pup off at the
Barker Lounge, my travel partner,
Scrappy, and I arrived at the Southern chanteuse's theme park. It wasn't
crowded, which in one way was a
blessing. In another way it was a
curse, because it meant that there was
no long line for the Wild Eagle, which
might have been enough reason not
to have to go on it. I was there to write
a story, and I realized that going on
the Wild Eagle might make the story
more interesting. Scrappy likes roller
coasters. I, on the other hand, was full
of dread.
I feel fairly confident that the way
I felt in the two and a half minutes
on that ride is how I will feel when I
am dying. It's really friggin' fast, OK?
And the vertical drop is 135 feet, OK?
And there are loops, not just one but
three, and you are upside down going
100 miles an hour and there is nothing under your feet, because you are in
a "wing" of the Wild Eagle, America's
first steel-winged roller coaster, OK?
Needless to say, Scrappy loved it. As
we walked down the hill afterward, I felt
that I had been forever altered, both
atomically and emotionally. I refrained
from speaking for some time and questioned the meaning of existence.
Dollywood has several roller coasters, plus lots of rides for the little 'uns,
and the few hours we were there wasn't
long enough to catch everything the
park has to offer, so I recommend getting there early in the morning and
making a day of it.
There was no time to check in at
our accommodations before dinner, so
we hightailed it back through Pigeon
Forge- truly something to behold- to
a restaurant called The Chop House,
a classy chain of the Southeast. I am
willing to admit publicly that I am a
vegetarian, so while there was a big
emphasis on meat dishes, I got lucky
here and ordered two appetizers. The
Pizza Florentine had a nice thin crust,
with a creamed spinach and diced
tomato filling, and the Sweet Corn
Tamale Cakes were delicious-so delicious that we returned to eat them for
Sunday lunch a couple of days later.
But I had to leave half of my order with
our hostess, because the performance
of Cirque de Chine was about to start at
the Smoky Mountain Palace Theater.
The theater itself has three different stages in the one very large space.
Cirque de Chine is a troupe of gymnasts
from China who perform impossible
feats with their teeth, arms and legs.
These young athletes amazed us as
they flew through the air at dangerous
heights and balanced at improbable
angles-less artsy than Cirque du Soleil, but with skills no less impressive.
Some of the little kids stole the show
with their cuteness (they each pick an
animal to emulate), but the young men
and women had the sheer, seemingly
impossible, strength and superhuman
flexibility.
Tired from our long day, which had
also included the three-hour trip from
Nashville, we checked in at the Wilderness at the Smokies Resort. This is a
kid-friendly super-hotel-huge,
with
an indoor beach and all sorts of games
to keep the kids busy.
Looking out from our balcony I saw,
large and ominous, the Wild Vortex
extreme slide. What appealed to me
more was the pale-aqua water in the
pool, with its gentle current, a lazy river
designed for tubing. Just my speed.
Next morning, it was an early breakfast at Flapjack's Pancake Cabin and
those pancakes were good! The waitstaff
was charming and the list of specialty
pancakes included S'mores and Reese's
Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip. So
many choices, but only so much room
in one's stomach! I chose the Egg White
Veggie Omelette from the Healthy
Choices menu, amidst the carbs.
The drive up into Great Smoky
Mountains National Park was beautiful, with the Blue Plate Special from
WDVX radio in Knoxville as our
soundtrack. We hiked at Newfound
Gap, the misty mountain ridges rolling away before us, all the way to the
horizon. It was glorious and peaceful,
surely one of the most beautiful places
on the planet. There are many different hikes in the Smokies and we will
be returning.
But our next adventures awaited:
ziplining and whitewater rafting with
Rafting in the Smokies. On our way,
one of the things we started to notice
was that addresses and directions
THE DAY
were kind of unspecific: NENTTO
"Turn left at traffic light OLLYWO
number three. You will see
a log building with a red ~ EAST
tin roof ..." Soon we found
NNESSEE,
ourselves roped up, helmets
on and about to jump off a ASTHE DAY
ledge and slide through the
EARNED
trees on a rope. Seeing as
I had already gone on the OMETHING
roller coaster that won't be ERYIMPORnamed, my fears were easNTABOUT
ier to overcome, and by the
fourth run (you get two goes, YSELF.
up and back) I was what you
might call rather flippant. On the last
run, Scrappy flew upside down. It was
a lot of fun.
We sat for a quick lunch at the Bean
Trees and, praise the goddess, they had
an espresso machine and beer. A short
walk back, and we set off down the
Pigeon River on our whitewater rafting expedition. We got lucky with our
guide, Will, because not only was he
immensely entertaining but he had 20
years of experience on the river. He was
a big guy, a reformed redneck I'd say.
The water wasn't overly high that day,
but there were enough thrills to keep
us interested. And for entertainment,
there was always Will. "In these parts;'
he said, "if you go into a bar without a
gun or a knife, they'll give you one, just
so's you'll have a fair chance:' Yep.
When we got back to the resort, we
had time enough before dinner to have
a good look around the Wilderness
Resort. Scrappy eyed the Wild Vortex
extreme slide and asked if I was going
to come along. I said, "I'll hold your
towel:' She got smaller and smaller as
she climbed the five flights of stairs
up to the place from which a trap door
would open and she would drop into
the plastic tube-for a 66-foot drop
nearly straight down. It was rather
quick once it happened-there she was
flying through the tube and then being
spat out at the other end. "Was that
scarier than the Wild Eagle?" I asked
her. "Yep;' she said, with a sense of
wonderment.
Dinner that night was at Mulligans,
in the Sevierville Golf Club, which has a
36-hole course. There was no vegetarian
fare on the menu, but the chef made
pasta for me. The biggest knockout
thoughwasthedessertan orange pudding that
was incredible.
Sunday morning was
a facial at the peaceful Utopia Day Spa, a
lovely and relaxing
experience-especially
the accompanying foot
and head massage.
Even though it was
Sunday, we visited the
Ole Smoky Distillery
in Gatlinburg. Times
have certainly changed
and 100 proof moonshine has gotten
respectable and very tasty. Having taken
the pledge, I had to leave all the tasting
to Scrappy, who seemed to really enjoy
all the different flavors: Lemon Drop,
Blackberry, Hot Okra, Cherry, just to
name a few. Ole Smoky's distillery is
near a couple of public malls, and they
also sell wines such as Redneck Reserve
and Bootleggers White, fabulous presents for the folks back home.
Nearing the end of our trip, we made
a brief stop at the Rainforest Adventure,
an indoor zoo that houses exotic species
rescued from illegal importation.
Then it was time to visit Dolly's
statue in the town square. Here's the
woman that all this was built around, a
tiny buxom gal from the Great Smoky
Mountains. It's quite a phenomenon:
What one woman started, let no man
put asunder. But here in the eye of the
hurricane, it was completely quiet. We
were the only ones there, just us and
Dolly. Our pilgrimage was complete.
Time to pick up the pooch.
One of the highlights of our trip
was finding the Barker Lounge. This
place was fantastic! From outside it
looks like a nightclub, but inside it is
a clean, really well-run doggy facility.
One of the owners, Lory Popps, is an
extremely cool woman who broke her
knee carrying a rescue dog through
a snowstorm. We had never left our
10-month-old pooch at a daycare place
(dare I use the word "kennel") before,
so it was a momentous occasion for us.
Needless to say, come Sunday afternoon, there she was- mischievous,
tail wagging, a sparkle in her eye.
But Sevierville and the Great Smoky
Mountains will do that to you. •
APRIL
2013
CURVE
67
TRAVEL
OUTSTAND NG
ORLANDO
THE MOST VISITED
DESTINATION IN THE
U.S. IS PERFECT FOR
QUEER KIDS AND
KIDS AT HEART.
BYMERRYNJOHNS
+++
If you need convincing that LGBT
travel is big business, look no farther
than Orlando. In 2011 alone, gay and
lesbian travelers spent about $3 billion here (according to the American
Hotel & Lodging Association and
Visit Orlando). Its burgeoning LGBT
community balances entertainment
with activism (see sidebar profile),
and no matter what your age or interests, there is plenty to do here, andbest of all-varied
accommodation
options.
Orlando stands out, especially for
lesbians with kids. At the Holiday Inn
Lake Buena Vista, with its affordable
68
CURVE
APRIL
2013
price and wealth of amenities, you'll
be perfectly situated to take in all the
excitement. From its massive swimming pool to its Mickey Mouse waffles
at breakfast, you have everything here
you need to keep the troops happy.
And what a lot of excitement there
is to take in. The Downtown Disney
Area at the Walt Disney World Resort
is a waterfront fantasia of retail and
entertainment.
The massive Epcot theme park
(originally Epcot Center), on 300
acres, requires an entire day to experience, if not more, and adult foodies
will appreciate the authentic International Food & Wine Festival held there
in the fall.
The Magic Kingdom will thrill the
little ones, but if you have teens and
tweens, Universal Orlando is a mustdo, if only for the Wizarding World of
Harry Potter (which will delight even
the most jaded adult). To avoid tantrums on these expeditions-including your own-don't forget to wear
walking shoes and bring sunscreen and
water, perhaps even an umbrella for
afternoon showers. Days exploring
Orlando's theme parks can be long,
hot, and humid, as well as happy.
If you are here in October and
your kids are old enough to handle
some Halloween horror, Pride at
Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios is a real scream and
not for the faint of heart.
But why should the kids have all
the fun? Adults should treat themselves to a sumptuous buffet breakfast at the Waldorf Astoria, the
Winter Park Walk and Leu Gardens,
and a nice glass of wine and dinner
at Sonoma, a rustic-style restaurant
in the very gay district of Thornton Park. Grown-up shopaholics
will find some real deals at Orlando
Premium Outlets, Vineland or the
huge Macy's in the Mall at Millenia.
And for a fun, relaxed dinner that
all the family can enjoy, Comedy
Night at Hamburger Mary's will give
you cheer with your cheeseburgers.
(visitorlando.com) •
I HOPE THATTHE
GAYGAMESCAN
SHOW OUR STATE
THATWEARE
PEOPLEWHO ARE
WORTHTHE SAME
RIGHTSTHATEVERY
HETEROSEXUAL
A resident of Orlando since 2007, Gaby Shulruff is
working full-time as project manager for Orlando 2018,
the bid to bring the Gay Games to Orlando. She's also
producing and directing the play Break Through: Bringing
Down the Barriers, and in her precious spare time she
tends bar at a local LGBTQ bar, Revolution Nightclub.
What keeps you here?
After doing research on both
Florida State University and the
University of Central Florida,
I found that Orlando was the
No.1 LGBT-populated city in
Florida. I wanted to go to a
school in a city that I could
flourish and grow in, and be my
full self in the process. After
graduating, I have stayed here
because of the amazing friends
I have made and the many
opportunities that have fallen
onto my plate.
Where is the gay neighborhood, where most lesbians
live in Orlando?
There isn't a specific gay or
lesbian district in Orlando.
However, the most heavily populated gay- and lesbian-friendly
area is definitely Thornton Park.
Second on my list would be
College Park.
What is the best lesbian bar in
Orlando?
Revolution Nightclub has a
lesbian night every Saturday,
which is always extremely busy
and a definite good time. The
only other bar that lesbians
frequent is the New Phoenix.
What is the best time of year
for lesbians to visit?
During June, for Gay Days, and
during October, for our annual
Come Out With Pride parade.
However, with the average
temperature of Orlando being
76 degrees, it's perfect to visit
any time of the year.
Your top five absolute mustdos for lesbians?
0 Go to Revolution Nightclub
on a Saturday night. It's the
best place to meet the local
ladies. Or hit up a Phish Fest
Happy Hour. It happens once
a month at different local bars
and restaurants.
f} Go to our local farmers markets, either at Lake Eola Park on
Sundays, which is absolutely
beautiful, or on Saturdays at
Winter Park.
C) For the outdoorsy lesbians,
canoeing, kayaking, camping
or fishing at the beautiful
Wekiwa Springs, one of
Florida's state parks.
G) One of my favorite places
to eat is definitely Dandelion
Communitea Cafe. It's known
for its delicious vegan food and
super-friendly atmosphere. If
you go, make sure to get the
Faken Lettuce and Tomato-it'll
surely make your taste buds
go crazy! Another restaurant
favorite would be Porn Pam's
Teahouse and Sandwicheria.
They are known for their
amazing sandwiches, and
are super gay-friendly.
0 Artsy lesbians should
definitely check out Blue Man
Group, the Mad Cow Theatre,
Sak Comedy Lab and The
Venue. The Venue is owned by
a popular lesbian, Baby Blue
Starr, who created, produces,
directs and choreographs the
amazing VarieTEASEshows. On
Thursdays, the Gender F*cks
perform, which is an awesome
drag king review.
Can you give us a peek behind
the scenes for Orlando 2018?
Orlando 2018 is currently in the
fight to bring the Gay Games
to Orlando. We have made it to
the top five, making us the only
U.S. city in the nation and the
only city in all the Americas.
My hopes and dreams are to
win this bid. It would be such
an amazing opportunity for
Orlando, bringing over $100
million in economic impact,
bringing over 13,000 athletes
to compete and 200,000
spectators to our "City Beautiful." As an activist and a person
who strives to create change
in this world, I want to ensure
we create a safe atmosphere
for all the people competing
or attending, regardless of
their race, sex, culture, gender
identity, sexual orientation,
etc. I also hope that the Gay
Games can show our state that
we are people who are worth
the same rights that every
heterosexual citizen has. In the
end, it's about having all 80plus countries come together
in a celebration of our Pride
through sports and cultural
events. I feel extremely blessed
and excited to be a part of this
massive endeavor, and hope
that it comes to fruition.
APRIL
2013
CURVE
69
TRAVEL
MEMPH S
MAG
WHY A VISIT
TO MEMPHIS
STARTS WITH ELVIS
AND ENDS WITH
ENCHANTMENT.
BY KELSY CHAUVIN
+++
70
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Icsmedasameccaformusic
lovers. ButunlikeN ewOrleans or Austin
or Chicago, Memphis was once home
to America's only king: Elvis Presley.
Graceland, his mansion, remains a
top reason why thousands of travelers
make this Mississippi River city their
destination. But there is far more to
enjoy about charming Memphis. It is
a true capital of Americana, and one of
the most fun and friendly destinations
in the South.
The first stop on your lez-friendly
visittothe "Home of the Blues" and the
"BirthplaceofRock 'n' Roll"will be Cooper-Young, the most eclectic and least
touristy neighborhood in town.Named
for the intersection of Cooper Street
and Young Avenue, this historic district has reinvented itself over the past
few decades. Today, its restored homes
and buildings draw a diverse (read:
gay) crowd, who come for its cafes,
galleries, vintage and antique shops,
and a mix of bars and restaurants.
Every September, the neighborhood
hosts the blowout Cooper-Young Festival, when all the cute Memphians take
over Cooper Street for the live music,
arts and crafts, and of course all manner of BBQ. It could be worth timing
your trip to catch this 25-year-old festival that the locals look forward to all
year. But then, the neighborhood is
always a great place to chill out, stroll
around, and take in a farmer's market
and other low-key to-dos.
While you're in the area, fill up
via the swift-moving line at Central
BBQ , which now has two other tasty
locations. You'll find all the grill
classics here: wet- or dry-rub ribs that
fall off the bone, brisket, pulled pork,
wings, and smoked turkey.
This being Memphis, you may
want to sample a few famed rib and
pork joints, all of which will leave
you satisfied. Up there with the best
are the Bar-B-Q Shop and Tops BarB-Q. If you're going for a little more
refinement, head to Sweetgrass or the
Cove, where you'll find fresh-shucked
oysters, shrimp and grits, and other
gourmet takes on Southern fare.
And then there is fried chicken, a
filling delicacy that rivals BBQ as the
locals' favorite. There's just one muststop joint: Gus's Fried Chicken, with a
location downtown at 310 S. Front St.,
as well as a truly authentic location just
north of Memphis-though it's tough
enough to find. You'd be better off asking for directions to 730 S. Mendenhall
Rd., from wherever you are.
In the heart of Cooper-Young is the
Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community
Center, founded in 1989-years ahead
of its time, especially in the Bible Belt.
It's a great resource for locals and visitors alike. Stop in to meet queers and
make friends, check out event, and get
tips on finding the best gay-friendly establishments.
Midtown is the larger district that
includes Cooper-Young. So while
you're in the 'hood, swing by Dru's
Place, the local lesbian watering hole.
Think pool tables and darts-the
better to help you strike up a conversation-as well as live music and
weekend karaoke. It's a beer bar where
you can bring in your own liquor, for
some of the cheapest drinking you'll
find in town. For more music and
dance in gay Memphis, near Dru's
you'll find Crossroads and the Pumping Station.
And listen up, y'all: Don't let the
absence of a rainbow flag in the window
DONTLETTHE
keep you away from these other funABSENCE
OF A
and eclectic clubs. On my recent visit, RAIN
BOWFLAGIN
95 percent of the lo~als I en~ountere_dTH E WIN
DOWKEEp
recommended Molhe Fontame's. It 1s
a local treasure-a gorgeously genu-YOLJ
AWAYFROM
ine three-story Victorian m~nsionTH
ESE
OTHERFLJN
converted to a lounge. Cocktails are
delightful, patrons are styled andAN
D ECLECTIC
friendly, and it's got live blues on tapCLLJ
BS
nightly. Bardog and Kudzu's are other
great downtown starting points to soak
up some beguiling Southern accents.
Beale Street has long been known
the world over for its live music and
street-fair-style playfulness. It is worth
a cruise, but excessive cover charges in
overcrowded venues are a quick turnoff
(as are the frattytypes and their bleachblond dates). However, one block over,
in the famous Peabody Hotel on Union
Street, drop in at Lansky Brothers,
"Clothiers to the King;' to see where
Elvis himself used to shop for his blue
suede shoes.
The Madison Hotel, a stone's throw
from Beale and the Riverwalk, is a
jazzy boutique option. Don't forget
raise a glass at the Madison's outdoor
rooftop patio, overlooking the Mississippi and beautiful Hernando de Soto
Bridge.
No trip to Memphis would be complete without a visit to Sun Records,
where Elvis made his first recordingas did Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison,
Jerry Lee Lewis, and many more (U2
came by just to record there). Today
•
you can stand in the very same studio
where it all began, and take in loads
of musical memorabilia on Sun's shortbut-fabulous history tour.
The National Civil Rights Museum
takes a more solemn approach to
history, standing as it does on the site
where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was
shot. The museum complex includes
the Lorraine Motel, where King was
killed, and the building where James
Earl Ray stood firing his rifle. Its
exhibits are highly informative and
deeply moving.
And, of course, there's Elvis. Most
people would never visit Memphis if it
weren't for Graceland-it is an experience unique to American culture, and
recalls a time when music shaped modern American history. The tour will set
you back at least $32 (more, if you want
to see his cars, airplanes, and special
exhibits), but the experience like is
nothing else on the planet and will be
something you remember forever.
But then, every good trip is.•
APRIL
2013
CURVE
71
THE SERIES FOLLOWS BO, a succubus-which
means
she feeds off the sexual energy of others-as she and her
best friend, a human girl named Kenzi (Ksenia Solo),
investigate crimes in the world of the Fae. Over the course
of the first two seasons, Bo has created her own family of
choice, which in addition to Kenzi, includes a werewolf
named Dyson, her mentor, Trick (tavern owner by day,
secret Blood King by night), Hale (a siren cop turned leader of the Light Fae) and Lauren, a brilliant human doctor
who works for the Light Fae. Along the way, Bo has learned
how to feed without killing, she has defied both the Light
and Dark Fae to remain unaligned, and she has defeated a
world-destroying monster called the Garuda-an experience that may or may not have unlocked something dark
within Bo herself (When asked if that's the case, Silk deftly
dodges the question, so we'll just have to watch and see.)
After two seasons of relationship near-misses (the
small matter of Lauren's secret girlfriend, who's in a coma,
and Bo's brief fling with a Dark Fae), season three kicks
off with Bo and Lauren finally making it official-a daring
move for a series that has kept the audience on its toes with
love triangles and relationships always in flux. Even Silk
and Palmer were surprised by the speedy turn of events.
"I remember getting the first episode of the season, getting the script, and being like, 'Wow, OK!" says Silk. " 'I
kind of knew that was going to lead to that but wow, this is
happening in this episode, OK!' Which was an interesting
choice, I think, for the producers."
Palmer, though surprised as well, was all for the change
in pace. "We were both excited to see that they would be
together from the first episode, but it was a bold choice and
it was a big choice, and in retrospect I think that it was a big
choice to get them together right out of the gate."
Silk adds, "I have to admit that I questioned it in the
beginning. I did question the speed at which we got together.
I wondered about how that would play out, but I think it was
a good choice and definitely a bold one."
But the audience is not at all ambivalent about their
relationship, responding vocally in favor of the duo. The
TV couple has inspired various fan blogs, Tumblrs and
YouTube video montages. They even won E!'s 2013 TV's
Top Couples poll, beating out Glee's Brittany and Santana. But perhaps most telling of all is that Lauren and Bo
have received their own relationship name amalgamation:
"Doccubus" (as in doctor plus succubus), an honor Silk
and Palmer never dreamed they would receive in their lifetimes. Both actors are incredibly touched and grateful for
the, shall we say, spirited response they've received from
fans-which has included multiple marriage proposals.
"I'm more sure now than I ever have been that we actually
do have the best fans in TV history;' says Palmer.
For anyone who has seen the two on screen together, it's no
surprise that they have earned such a passionate following.
The chemistry between Silk and Palmer is incredible-from
the first episode in which Palmer's character examines Bo
and can barely remain professional, and it's only become
more intense as time goes on. Palmer explains how their
chemistry has evolved over the years. "What's great about
having a history now is that we know each other really well
and so there's a comfort there. We're able to kind of explore
stuff a little bit now because we're relaxed. The first couple
of sex scenes with anyone are hard because you're trying
to figure out where everyone is comfortable, and whether
they're OK if I do this and are you OK ifl do that. So now we
can just go for it:'
While we can appreciate that Bo is currently in domestic
bliss and playing doctor with her, well, doctor, one of Bo's
defining characteristics from the very beginning has been
her bisexuality, a sexual identity that has historically gotten a bum rap on TV, depicted as a phase (remember Alice
Pieszecki in season one of The L Word?), or bisexuality
as a device for titillation (The O.C., Nip/Tuck, we could
go on). However, Lost Girl is bucking this tradition by taking a progressive stance on bisexuality. Over the course of
the series, Bo has had two serious relationships, one with a
man and now one with Lauren, and each relationship has
been given equal weight, both emotionally and physically.
All too often, same-sex relationships are treated more
chastely than their hetero counterparts on TV; not so on
Lost Girl, which gleefully focuses on Bo's sexual conquests
regardless of their gender.
In terms of attraction, Bo doesn't favor one gender over
the other, and this has remained consistent. And while she
is an unapologetically sexual creature, she is also shown to
be capable of monogamy-when she wants to be.
Palmer recognizes the importance of bisexual visibility.
"Bisexuality, as a sexuality, is often judged kind of harshly.
It really is. People really want people to be either gay or
straight, and gay people I feel have as much difficulty
sometimes understanding bisexuality as straight people
have understanding any other sexuality at times." Lost Girl
is working hard to change that perception, one steamy
gender-flipping episode at a time.
For this enlightened take on Bo's sexuality, we have the
show's creator, Michelle Lovretta, to thank. In an interview with The Watercooler, she says, "I also really wanted
to defend the bisexual community and counter some sad
tropes out there (bisexuals are sluts, can't commit, are just
afraid to be gay, yadda yadda), while also valuing and representing female friendships that have nothing sexualized
about them at all."
Because ofLovretta, the show has a generally sex-positive
attitude. In the same interview she explains that prior to the
first season she set down some internal rules with regard to
76
CURVE
APRIL
2013
the way sexuality would be portrayed in Lost Girl-there
would be no slut shaming, that Bo's partners regardless of
gender would be equally visible, and that sexual orientation
would not be an issue, ever. It's an attitude that Palmer
appreciates, saying, "I think that along with gender, what's
great about Lost Girl as a whole is that a lot of issues that
people have in the real world, we don't have on our show:'
For Silk, this speaks to a larger culture of acceptance in
the Lost Girl universe, which the actor welcomes. "What's
great about Lost Girl as a whole is that a lot of issues that
people have in the real world, we don't. All kinds of topics,
be it sexuality, be it gender [or even disability] ...they're
really never mentioned, and personally I've always been
proud of our show for those sorts of things. I love that we get
to play in this world that I would like to live in."
Both Palmer and Silk refer to one of those issues, the
social consequences women still face in being openly sexual.
Thanks to Lovretta's stance on slut shaming, Bo is not only
able to be a fully realized sexual being, but she is even able
derive power from it (both figuratively and literally).
"[Bo's approach to sexuality is] unapologetic. I love
that what was such a source of shame for her growing up
has become her greatest source of power," says Silk. "I
think there's such an amazing message behind that. She is
who she is and there's no judgment on it. An interviewer
asked me once about whether or not I was afraid of religious groups coming after me for portraying this character
and honestly it had never occurred to me. I'm sure there's
people who would not like this character but I don't really
hear from them. For the most part it's just been completely
embraced:'
Lost Girl isn't afraid to explore all different sorts of
relationships, from casual dating to monogamy and everything in between, and in season three the show is tackling
polyamory. Though Bo and Lauren
are committed to their relationship, the amount of sexual energy
Bo needs to take in would be fatal
to a human, so in a very literal
sense she cannot get everything
she needs from her partner Lauren. The two are negotiating the
challenges of opening up a relationship for the first time, setting
rules and boundaries, and all the
emotional processing that goes
along with it. Silk wonders what
her audience thinks of the storyline. "I imagine that one half of
some couple looks to the other one
and says, 'Could you ever do that?
Could you ever let me go off and
sleep with other people?' I mean,
their relationship looks so kind
of traditional in some ways, and it's so amazingly not that
in other ways, in that Lauren can't give Bo what she needs.
And that conversation of 'I can't give you enough and you
need to go and essentially have sex with other people' must
have brought stuff up for people, for couples who're watching the show."
Equality in all its forms is a major, if unspoken, moral
value in the Lost Girl universe. Both men and women hold
positions of power: The Light Fae are lead by a man, and
the Dark Fae take their marching orders from the very
sexy and very female Morrigan (Emmanuelle Vaugier).
One of the joys of the series is its multitude of strong and
nuanced women, a fact that hasn't escaped Silk. "There's
no real female character on our show that is sort of this
victim character. I think all the women on our show are
strong. They might have various backgrounds-they
might have been victimized in the past-but they're not
portrayed that way. I am proud to be part of something
that has such strong women."
For Bo being strong means kicking all manner of supernatural booty (in head to toe leather, by the way). But for
Lauren, that strength comes from her intellect. This, along
with her unique skill set, makes her an indispensable ally,
but it can also make for some tricky pillow talk. "There are
times where it's hard for me to get through a scene because,
you know, we'll have a sex scene;' laughs Palmer, "and I'll
burst into science, medical jargon, and I'm like, 'Who does
this? Who would ever say this line, in this moment, but
Lauren Lewis? God bless her, she takes the opportunity to
[apply] science whenever she possibly can. And we kind of
all love her for it."
Silk chimes in. "Smart is sexy, and Zoie really does it so
well. It really looks like she knows what she's talking about;'
she laughs. "I think one of my favorite things happened in
first season where Zoie had a stethoscope on and she's listening to this woman's chest and she's saying how it doesn't
look good and we're filming. It's so serious and she does it
so well, and you really believe that she's a doctor and she's
in control of the situation-and she didn't have the stethoscope in her ears! But, you know, she makes it work:'
"I commit!" laughs Palmer. "You know, I sometimes
have to just break my lines up into just syllables. Like just
say all the syllables in the right order, because I have absolutely no idea what I'm saying. Not a clue."
All joking aside, if there is one thing both Silk and
Palmer take seriously it's their responsibility to their
lesbian and female audiences, a responsibility both to
represent and entertain them. As we ended our interview
with Silk and Palmer, each of the women had a message
for their audience:
"I've always seen Bo as a really great role model. I mean,
she's been a great role model to me," laughs Silk. "I've gotten letters that say, like, 'Thanks for making me brave; and
that really means a lot to me, and I think that Bo definitely
has made me more brave, too. Anytime that you can portray
a character on TV that's a female character who's found her
way to empowerment I just think that's so, so important,
and I'm glad it resonates the way that it does because it's
resonated with me that way!'
Palmer adds, "We have a very big lesbian audience,
and I think it's great that there is a couple that's on television that is represented as respectfully and as well as this
couple is. But even bigger than this, I think that what I
want people to take from the show is that people are people,
and we're all a little bit different, and it's something to
really celebrate and to not be ashamed of-whatever you
are, whoever you are, whoever you love, whatever your
size and color and all of those things. It's not just OK but
it's fantastic." •
Prodigy is responsiblefor the critically acclaimed television
series Lost Girl, which is currently airing its third season on
Showcase in Canada and Syfy in the U.S. Founded in 2006
by Jay Firestone and laterjoined by Producer VanessaPiazza,
Prodigy Pictures leads the way in the production of quality
film, television and cross-plaiform media.
APRIL
2013
CURVE
77
Dining at The Dalloway
Where drinks, fine dining and NYC. dykes are on the menu.
BY JILLIAN EUGENICS
sk a New York City lesbian
about the scene in New York
City, and she'll probably
shake her head and give a
disappointed shrug. In a city where
it's easy to locate a cuddling party or a
class on the Irish tin whistle, finding a
lesbian bar that's the right mix of glam
and happy hour just isn't that simple.
What Manhattan has been missing
is what Los Angeles has enjoyed for
over a decade at The Abbey in West
Hollywood-a venue that's a local
gay bar and a restaurant welcoming
enough to take your parents to for
Sunday brunch. But now, seemingly
out of a black hole, The Dalloway has
appeared as the new star on the New
York lesbian nightlife scene.
"I wanted to find somewhere that
was a little bit broader and gave people
more of a range of the type of people
they might meet;' says Kim Stolz, a
former contestant on America's Next
Top Model and the co-owner of The
Dalloway. She's opened the bar and
restaurant with her friend Amanda
A
78
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Leigh Dunn, of The Real L Word. "I feel
like the community is just expanding
more and more in my eyes, and we've
hopefully been able to give those people a home;' Stolz says.
Before The Dalloway opened, last
December, Stolz and Dunn imagined
it as just a bar. But then they met
Vanessa Miller-and her delectable
short ribs. Miller, a chef from Boston, had been looking to move to New
York and whipped up a sample menu
for Stolz and Dunn in the hope that
they'd reconsider their options for
the new venture.
"Wejust looked at each other and had
to change the whole concept, because
she's amazing;' says Dunn, speaking
of the scallops, Brussels sprouts and,
yes, short ribs Miller had brought for
them to try.
The Dalloway found a two-story
home in lower Manhattan, with the
restaurant above the bar. A copy of
Virginia Woolf's famous novel Mrs.
Dalloway (the restaurant is a namesake) has a spot near the host stand.
There's dinner every night and brunch
on weekends, with special events
throughout the week, like game night
on Wednesdays.
There's also a singles night on Tuesdays, which has proven to be popular.
"There's three different bracelets that
we give out at the door;' Dunn says.
The choices are Single, Taken, or DTF
(Down to Fuck). At the first singles
night, the bar ran out of DTF bracelets,
Dunn laughs.
On a recent evening, the lights at
The Dalloway were low, the crowd
well-heeled. More than a few tables
had couples who looked like they
were on dates, and it isn't hard to
cozy up in a place outfitted in dark
wood and exposed brick, and with a
gas-powered fireplace. "Earlier in the
week, it's definitely a date spot," Dunn
says. As the weekend approaches,
things liven up.
But on any night of the week, you'll
find lesbians mingling and making The
Dalloway their own, pulling up chairs
at the bar and writing on the wall.
Seriously, every night someone has to
clean the large chalkboard that has
been installed downstairs near the bar.
The chalkboard was Dunn's idea, and
both she and Stolz write quotes on it.
But the chalk is right there for anyone
to use, and often girls write each other's
names in a heart. Actually, as the night
gets later, more and more raunchiness
make its way onto the board. "Somebody found a way to write on the ceiling
the other night;' Dunn says. "Not sure
how that happened:'
A lesbian bar-where the lights are
low, the food is great and anything
can happen-well, that sounds mighty
tasty indeed. (thedallowaynyc.com) •
MARKIT
CIVIL UNIONS Now LEGALFOR ALL IN HAWAII
KOllli'..:O:-.: Rl\lllli'..:I
\:-.Jl)RJ\l()l:-.:1,
www.pearlskeywest.com
S2SUnited
Street• KeyWest,FL33040
1.800.749.6696
• MemberIGLTA
Nooki
.com
Your
corner
of the
nun
world.
lock
and
Feeling
the
GotKids?WantKids?
Subscribe to Gay Parent magazine,
a leader in gay parenting resources.
Visit our website
www.gayparentmag.com
~.!y~ent.
l!l.
·~i;
Boxn
Start
Fabulous!
theG EM hotel.com/LG BT
NEW YORK CITY
Chelsea
I Midtown
West I SoHo
Trip Out!
wilhlhe2013
Damron Women's Traveller
]jpf~f{'~f.l
~~~~'.
·\:· ~
~
•~
m
'.;,-;;.:;::·'.:·;;;,
~~-
~;:-~
~gT~~baoT,a.e!Ooid;
~--,
-:..,
m
::,:J
....
···~
Women's resorts, bars,
cafes, clubs, restaurants
& more, across the US,
Canada, Europe
& beyond.
Plus women's festivals,
pride celebrations,
leather events,
film festivals
& more worldwide!
Call for a free catalog
800/462-6654
or visit us on line
www.damron.com
get Gurl Scout
by Damron
on your iPhone
SGUT
by0AMRON
APRIL
2013
CURVE
79
TLOOKtSTARS
Oh-So-Sexy Spring
Warmer days bring the rambunctious energies of Aries
to swill, thrill and overfill. ev CHARLENE LICHTENSTEIN
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Jessie J turns 25,
March 27
ARIES ~i§
(March 21-April 20) i§
You can always spot i§
i§
a Sapphic Ram by i§
her strong, bold, i§
proud and forthright i§
i§
appearance. There i§
she stands, with i§
shoulders squared i§
i§
and hands on i§
her ample hips, i§
practically begging for i§
i§
a confrontation. But i§
the truth is that these i§
gals are usually just i§
i§
as ready for a bear i§
hug or something i§
a bit warmer and i§
i§
wetter. They have an i§
immense capacity i§
for love and affection i§
i§
and a robust sexual i§
appetite, if you i§
decide to give them i§
i§
a taste. Don't let their i§
aggressively feisty i§
appearance dissuade i§
i§
you; they are lambs i§
between the sheets i§
i§
i§
i§
i§
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor
i§
of HerScopes:
A Guide
toAstrologyi§
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-i§
tinyur/.
com/Her
Scopes.i§
i§
Nowavailable
asanebook. 1/,
80
CURVE
APRIL
2013
Lambda Rams are ready to
rock the scene, no matter what
scene it is. You are brimming
with energy, charisma and
confidence. (So what else is
new?) Do you have a couple of
new ideas? Releasethem and
give them room to expand.
Some influential ladies will
give you a helping hand. So
go and make an impactful
first impression.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
There is something unsettled
and restless about you this
month. Comfortable daily routines and familiar surroundings
begin to cloy. When Lionesses
feel trapped, they lose all interest. So charge up your life and
feed your inner cravings with a
delicious trip far afield to someplace exotic and spicy. If time
and budget are tight, loosen up
closer to home.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
There is so much going on
behind the scenes it will be
difficult to focus your attention
on what is in front of you. But
clever Sapphic Bulls are able
to balance both easily. Don't
be shocked if there is someone
who sweeps you off your feet.
Just be sure that you pack a
pillow for the eventual landing
back to earth. Be a bit of a pillow queen with April.
Prim and proper Vestal Virgos
know how to raise a grrl's
temperature this April. You
exude steamy sexuality even
if it is bundled up in a tight
austere package of cotton and
lace. Go with your instinctual
animal flow and see whom
you can pour into your cup.
Remember, less is more which
then leads to much more than
you expect.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23)
Bosom buddies know just what
you need and give it to you
in dollops now. But don't just
take, take, take. The secret to
true happiness is to find out
what they need and give it right
back at them. One thing leads
to another ...and another. Before
you know it the frenzy builds to
a lusty climax. Use those April
showers to cool off!
If you are in a relationship, this
is the month to demonstrate
the depth of your commitment.
If you are searching for your
soul mate, it is a great time to
get out and check the possibilities. Libras yearn for long
term lovergrrls but you need to
decide what is and what is not
important to you in a partnership. Loyalty? Sex? Power? A
naked chef might be nice.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
Anything fun, frivolous and
feisty will spark your imagination and move you into popular
and select circles of influence
now. Don't be shy. Express
yourself in any way you can:
write, dance, perform or even
toss the perfect A-lister party
that includes a bevy of beautiful
fun-makers. Tongues will be
wagging for weeks.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
As much as you would like to
relax, April brings new professional opportunities that need
your full attention and quick,
decisive action. Keep an eye
out for the signal, whether it
is a perk project or a perky
action. You have been waiting
too long on the sidelines for the
chance to make your big move
on your own terms. Will it be up
or will it be out?
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Whatever you have on your "to
do" list this April, roll up your
sleeves, concentrate and just
do it. There is plenty of time to
smell the flowers in May. For
those Scorpios who lack some
of that relentless drive, try to
delegate as you charge up
your tail with a healthy dose of
exercise. Don't let your get-upand-go get up and go.
Implement some long
delayed home improvement
projects that turn your humble
home into an entertainment
destination. That may
mean anything from simple
decorating to grand scale
renovating. Then put out the
welcome mat and see who
wanders by. Become the
hostess with the mostess.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
There is no one more eloquent
and compelling than an
Aqueerian woman who is
inspired and infused with great
ideas and grand visions. How
great and grand they are will
only be limited by your creativity
and confidence. So really, there
are no limits. Use your gift of
gab to sway hearts and minds.
And, while you are at it, maybe
even a few bodies too.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
Guppies need to focus on their
finances with an eye toward
saving for a cushy early retirement. Money may be tight now,
but you know what you need
to do to grow your nest egg.
Do the research, ask advice
and take calculated risks. You
could become a well-endowed
benefactress who spreads
her largess on notable worthy
causes. Is that what they are
calling it these days?
PRODUCED BY
& BENEFITING:
JUNE 2-8, 2013
AIDSLif eCycle.org
2 decades of commitment
Register today and Save $30
Discount code CURVE
Can't join us for the ride? Become a Virtual Cyclist. Register today!
See all items with this value
