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Description
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ToC Lighten Up by Hassina Obaidy (p37); We Will Survive by Victoria A. Brownworth (p44); Sisters Inside by Lara Embry (p46); Sophia's Choice by Merryn Johns (p48); The Out List (p54); Cover: Standing up to Cancer with Tig Notaro (p66); Maui Magic by Merryn Johns (p72); Cover Photo by Robin Roemer.
See all items with this value
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issue
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8
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Date Issued
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October 2013
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol23_No8_October-2013_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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EXCLUSIVE
DIV BEAUTY
& FASHION
SECRETS
+
INSIDETHE REAL
ORANGE IS THE
NEW BLACK
THELEGENDARY
TRUTH
ORDARE!
OUR FIRST
EVERSEX
COLUMN!
*
CURVEMAG.COM
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OCTOBER 2013 VOLUME 23#8
CHRISTINE
QUINN'S
RACETO
THETOP
~BEST
"" ""
PLACES TO WORK
2013
for LGBT Equality
OCTOBER
2013
FEATURES
37
LIGHTEN UP
Meet India's first-ever openly lesbian
comic, Vasu Ritu Primlani.
By Hassina Obaidy
WE WILL SURVIVE
Nikki Weiss and Dr. Susan Love
speak out about breast cancer
research for women and lesbians.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
~6
SISTERS INSIDE
The true story behind the Netflix
series, Orange is the New Black.
By Lara Embry
~s
SOPHIA'S CHOICE
Photographer Sophia Wallace uses
image-making to challenge gender
norms and create visibility.
By Merryn Johns
5~
THE OUT LIST
Meet 11out, proud and powerful
queer women who are changing the
world for the better.
72
MAUI MAGIC
Luxury, relaxation and a warm LGBT
welcome await you on this Hawaiian
island. By Merryn Johns
COVER PHOTO BY ROBIN ROEMER
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
1
OCTOBER
2013
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////A
IN EVERYISSUE
6
EDITOR'S NOTE
8
FEEDBACK
9
CURVETTES
10
THE GAYDAR
28
SCENE
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////A
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 THIS IS WHAT A
LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE
31
MUSIC
33
BOOKS
35
FILM
Designer Lily Smith-Kirkley.
12 BREAST CANCER
AWARENESS GIFT GUIDE
Support the search for a cure
by shopping pink.
14
BEAUTY
15
HOT TEE
Natural beauty gets a boost
from Lush cosmetics.
I
I
16
LESBOFILE
17
SHE SAID
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Branding expert Dorie Clark
on how to prepare for and
achieve your dream career.
By Heidi L. Lehmann
The best lesbian films
and docs from this year's
Frameline Film Festival.
By Kathleen Wilkinson
VIEWS
STYLE
18
38
FASHION FIENDS
18 IN CASE YOU
MISSED IT ... News from
Queer pop-performance duo
Hi Fashion make their own
rules. By Elizabeth Nguyen
19
POLITICS
41
RE/DRESS REVOLUTION
22
THE TWO OF US
25
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
26
TRUTH OR DARE
OUT IN FRONT
across the country.
We call ourselves feminists,
but are we subconsciously
sexist at the polls?
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Our monthly profile of lesbian
couples who live, love and
work together.
2
Tylan Greenstein of Girlyman
unveils her first solo album.
By Dave Steinfeld
Queer fashion guru Rachel
Kacenjar wages war on
conventional ideas about
plus size fashion with
her beloved boutique.
By Rachel Shatto
Express yourself with the Nokia Lumia 1020™
• Get closer with an incredible zoom
• Preserve bright moments even in low-light
conditions
• Relive the memories in high-def video and with
high-quality sound
Order Now!
www.att.com/curve
1.877.437.1007
€3
RethinkPossibte·
·41 MP PureView image sensor, max image resolution 38 MP. Actual resolution may vary. Coverage & service not available everywhere. Microsoft Windows Phone and the Windows logo are trademarks
of the Microsoft group of companies. Screen images simulated.
©2013 AT&TIntellectual Property. All rights reserved. AT&T,Globe logo and other marks are trademarks of AT&TIntellectual Property. All other marks are the property of their respective owners.
Curve's online selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
LIFEIN THE PO LANE
Lesbian singer-songwriter and VH1 reality star Po Johnson shares the
story of launching her music career, her future on La La's Full Court
Life, and growing up in a strict Christian home.
REBELGIRLS
Out feminist artist Celeste
Chan tells us about
co-founding Queer
Rebels Production with
performer KB Boyce-and
how, together, they're
advocating for LGBT
equality through art
by showcasing queer
artists of color on stage,
connecting generations
and honoring history with
art of the future.
MOVIE NIGHT
WITH CURVE
Lesbian cinefile alert! Watch our new
vlog, The Curve Drive-In, hosted by
Sarita Ramirez. Ramirez reviews queer
films that you vote for on Curve's
facebook page. Episode one, which
features But I'm A Cheerleader and
Imagine Me & You, is available on
curvemag.com now!
THIS IS WHAT A LESBIAN
LOOKS LIKE: KATE FREITAG
Lesbian-identified transgender mechanic Kate
Freitag shares her story of transistioning-and
wrestling with the financial and emototional
burden that come along with it. Plus she shares her
thoughts on lesbian trans representation on Orange
is the New Black.
4
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Daily Gaydar
Craving more
celsbian news?
Check out Curve's
Daily Gaydar. We
keep our finger on
the pulse of what's
shaking in lesbian
popculture
and news.
curvemag.com.
PNCBANK
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
OCTOBER
Come on
T
Out!
ime was we only had to come
out about our sexual identity. I
2013
LESBIAN
» VOLUME
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGING EDITOR Rachel Shatto
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Jillian Eugenios, Sheryl Kay, Stephanie
Schroeder
remember when the phrase, "I've
OPERATIONS
and families. As time has gone on and more
rights have been fought for and won, coming
out isn't as terrifying as it once was. But I
feel that it's no less meaningful.
Let's not forget, however, that being gay
can still get you fired in 23 states; being
transgender, 33. And many of us continue to
come out each day, over and over again, to
new people. That still takes courage.
This is our Out issue, and in it we celebrate queer women who have come
out about a number of things: being a lesbian, being bi, being trans. I also
think that it's important to come out as sexual, and I welcome our new sex
advice columnists, Jincey & Carlin. While they each identify as lesbian and
as queer, the label they really prefer is "sexual," and each month they'll be
helping us come out of our own closets on issues such as intimacy, monogamy,
sexual fluidity and sexual shame.
8
FOUNDING PUBLISHER Frances Stevens
got something to tell you-I'm
proclamation and might sunder friendships
23 NUMBER
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
EDITORIALASSISTANTHassina Obaidy
PROOFREADERElizabeth Harper
gay," was the most shocking
MAGAZINE
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
EVENTS& MEDIA RELATIONSCOORDINATOR Robin Perron
ADVERTISING
CURVE'SMEDIA KIT ourmediakit.com
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
BUSINESSDEVELOPMENT
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Stefanie Liang, Kate Field
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam
L. Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo,
Traci Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Elizabeth Estochen,
Jill Goldstein, Lisa Gunther, Kristin Flickinger, Gillian
Kendall, Kim Hoffman, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen
Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey, Jess McAvoy, Ariel MessmanRucker, Emelina Minero, Laurie K. Schenden, Stephanie
Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson, Allison Steinberg, Stella &
Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah
Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Alex Styles, Meagan Cignoli,
JD Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes, Janet Mayer, Syd London,
Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Leslie Van Stelten
Dr. Susan Love and Nikki Weiss (whom you will remember from season one
of The Real L Word) come out of the cancer closet this month with their powerful and inspiring stories. It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and now that
we're all more aware of the risks posed to lesbians by this mystifying disease,
it's time we replaced awareness with action.
So who better as a choice for our cover girl than stand up comic Tig
Notaro? This out lesbian literally got onstage days after her breast cancer
diagnosis and shared it with the world. And she beat it.
There are infinite things to come out about. I've been out for 20 years as a
lesbian, but there's always something to proclaim about yourself, and something to gain by doing it. I speak regularly on the topic of lesbians as women
rather than as a gay minority. I'm inspired by Dr. Love's Army of Women and
the belief that if we work together we will achieve equality for women everywhere. The experts, activists and entrepreneurs we interview this month are
all out and can help you be-and about more things than just your sexuality.
So what closet will you come out of this month?
~·
MER~
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
CURVE
OCTOBER
~iti:i~ura~cs~:~~;lus
i~ ;~~k~~Y:s;.,,
~)i~~
ADVERTISINGEMAIL advertising@curvemag.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 23 Issue 8 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published
monthly (except for bimonthly January/February
and July/
August) by Avalon Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034.
Subscription price: $59.90/year, $59.90 Canadian (U.S. funds
only) and $89.95 international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks
will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid
at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing offices
(USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not be
reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name
or photograph
of any persons or organizations
appearing,
advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication
of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless
specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited
manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any
representation only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions
cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope
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The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions of the
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Subscription Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC.,
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curvemag.com
merryn@curvemag.com
6
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
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PHONE (415) 871-0569 FAX (510) 380-7487
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SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070 (toll-free in us only)
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could
winyouafree
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an appointment and saw the
crossword puzzle! Love it!
Seriously, a lesbian themed
word game is something I
didn't even know I was crav~
ing. Thank you! I am totally
posting it on my Goodreads
profile, alerting my fellow
book~nerds to make sure they
don't miss this issue. Kudos,
Curve for reading my subcon~
scious. -Nicole Groenveldn
Pleasant Hill, Calif.
Fashion Forward
Packs a Punch
Thankfully I received my
Curve in time to watch Liz
Carmouche's big fight. I was
thrilled that you put me in
the front row for such an
important event as it was hap~
pening. You gals sure are on
the ball for spotting the next
hot thing! -Stephanie Taylor,
Syracuse, N.Y.
Craving a Crossword
I was just paging through
my new Curve waiting for
I love that you run fashion
editorial in every issue. I used to
never look at fashion spreads in
other magazines because they
were so commercial but yours
are all lesbian designers and
queer models. I am also learning
that when it comes to choosing
a personal style, I have options. I
especially liked Hannah Blilie as
Tilda Swinton. Hawt!
-Kris Dinkins, Portland, Ore.
Trans Transgression
WOULD
YOU
DATE
SOMEONE
WHO
ISNOT
OUT?
16%
Yes,
nothing
stands in
the way
of true
love
''
No way,
come out
or get out
-27%
Maybe,
but only
if she
promised
to come
out soon
Send to:
Email: letters@curvemagazine.com
Fax: 510.380.7487
Online: curvemag.com/letters
8
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
OURFRIENDS
SWOON
OVERLIZCARMOUCHE
Damn she's hot ...mmm
-Ash J Gibson
HUGEfan of Liz!
Great choice and
inspiring athlete!
-AmySoud
She is one of the most
humble down to earth, and
genuine person I've met.
It was an honor to have
trained with her no matter
how much she twisted me
up. Proud Lizbro here ...
-Michael Gonzalez
I'll definitely be buying this
issue. Heck, I may even get
a subscription now
if you guys are always this
great at featuring
awesome athletes!!!
CURVE
ISA
-ANiko Quest
TRANS-INCLUSIVE
-JenniferO'Dea
MAGAZINE
THAT
WILL
ALWAYS
RUN
REGULAR
EDITORIAL -Laurel Smith
SUPPORTING
TRANSGENDER -Debi Nelson
HOT
RIGHTS
AND
-Christier Casher
INCLUSIVITY.
Awesome fight last week
Awesome choice for your
cover!! Love her!!!
''
Editor's Note: While the
opinion editorial piece
"Celebrating Women'' expresses
one point of view, Curve
is a trans~inclusive magazine
that has always, and will
always run regular editorial
supporting transgender
rights and inclusivity.
V////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////a
Curve magazine,
WRITE
US!PO Box 467,
New York, NY 10034
facebook.com/curvemag
Love this cover. It is
about time she gets some
recognition. Love her.
Tonight I settled into a
20%
relaxing bubble bath with
my Curve, but ended up
furious upon reading
"Celebrating Women;'
[Vol. 23#6] a defense of the
"women~born~women" policy
at MichFest. It has been
explained time and time again
why this policy is offensive
and marginalizing. I'm just
profoundly disappointed that
Curve chose to side with those
who fear and exclude tran~
swomen, rather than those
who seek to build inclusivity
in our community. Shame on
you. You will not receive my
money again.
-Sarah, Florida
Posts from our
Facebook fans
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subscribe
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give a gift
Love her! She is so badass!
-Keli Higgs
POST
OF
THE
MONTH
my parents dont accept that
I'm gay and tell me I'm going
to hell for it ...am I?
Does anyone else
go through this?
-Dakota Lemberger
CURVE:Hey Dakota
Lemberger, there's nothing
wrong with being gay.
As you get older, you'll bring
more and more people into
your life who love you for
exactly who you are.
UPFRONTtCURVET
VICTORIA A.
BROWNWORTH
Victoria is a Pulitzer Prizenominated reporter and
columnist. She's the author and
editor of nearly 30 books and
her work has been collected in
over 50 anthologies. She has
won the prestigious Society
of Professional Journalism
Award, the NLGJA Award and
the 2012 Moonbeam Award
for Cultural & Historical Fiction
for From Where We Sit: Black
Writers Write Black Youth. Her
journalism has appeared in
most major newspapers in
the U.S., including the New
York Times, the Philadelphia
Inquirer and the Baltimore
Sun. Victoria's Coming Out
of Cancer: Writings from the
Lesbian Cancer Epidemic put
her in OUT magazine's Top 100,
and also won her the Lambda
Literary Editor's Choice Award.
A breast cancer survivor,
Victoria was diagnosed at 26
and before she was 30 had had
three breast surgeries. "The
specter of breast cancer hangs
over the lesbian community,
which is why we need to keep
talking about it, why we need
to do everything we can to
keep ourselves healthy."
HEIDIE. LEHMANN
Heidi is a social mediamarketing strategist who
consults with brands, agencies,
venture capital firms and startups. She is also founder and
CEO of MoxieQ, a network
of lifestyle celebrity experts.
Heidi's previous endeavors
include co-founder of Third
Screen Media, which was
acquired by AOL in 2007. She
has led business development
at venture-backed Kaon
Interactive, Artificial Life; and
ad sales at AutoSite.com,
which sold to Microsoft in
2001. Heidi has been quoted in
the Wall Street Journal, Ad Age,
Adweek, Mediapost, SheWired
and multiple mobile marketing
publications. She is a regular
speaker on panels and was
voted a 2011 Female Founder
to Watch by Women 2.0, a
2011 Most Influential Woman
in Wireless by Fierce Wireless,
and a 2010 Woman to Watch
by Mobile Marketer. Heidi splits
her time between New York
City and Kansas City, loves
Jeeps, BBQ, travel and her two
French bulldogs.
SHERRYPLATT
BERMAN
For over 20 years Sherry
has worked as a career
counselor and corporate
recruiter, advising everyone
from professional executives,
and young adults to the
homeless and felons on how to
successfully navigate the job
search market and discover
the work each individual
is uniquely designed for in
this lifetime. With an MA in
Counseling, from University
of San Francisco, certification
as an Interfaith Spiritual
Director and a bachelors
degree from University of
Florida in Communications,
Sherry utilizes her lifetime
experience to help men and
women transition through
the challenging times in life.
Sherry is the owner of SWITCHCareers (Supporting Women
In Transition and Change),
Lavender Careers (for LGBT
professionals) and is the cofounder of The Career Wisdom
Institute. She currently serves
as the Vice President on the
board of directors for the
Rainbow Community Center in
Contra Costa County.
ES
LARA EMBRY,PH.D
Lara is a clinical psychologist
and writer living in Los Angeles.
She attended Smith College,
Columbia University and then
the University of Washington
for her doctorate. She has a
children's book in publication
with Random House called
Mean Marlene, and co-wrote
Jane Lynch's memoir, Happy
Accidents. She is currently
working on a documentary
film project about lesbians
living in Birmingham, Ala., her
hometown. She is a member
of the Trevor Project board of
directors, and is the PAC chair
for EQCA. Lara's favorite thing
in life is spending time with
her two daughters, who are
amazing humans. For this issue,
Lara interviews Piper Kerman,
the author of Orange is the New
Black. Friends, brief college
girlfriends, and occasional
roommates, Lara is thrilled
to celebrate the critically
acclaimed Netflix adaptation of
Piper's best selling book-and
even more thrilled to catch up
with her old friend.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
9
NDS/
p
I
%
THE GAYDAR
!~e~ o~~!~~~one?
Let our gaydar help
you decide who's hot who's not who's
shaking it and who's faking 1t1nlesboland.
BY RACHEL SHATTO
Nothing warms our hearts quite like
surprise inclusivity, so when the
trailer for The Box Trolls included
an animated lesbian family, we
cheered. See you at the box office
Madge channels Tinseltown's
Golden Gay-ge at the premiere
of Madonna: The MDNA Tour in
a top hat and tails la Marlene
Dietrich. Hot, hot, hot!
a
Holly Robinson Peete
jokes about the "lesbian
lacrosse team" at Sarah
Lawrence on ESPN. Psst
Holly, your homophobia
is showing. Lame
This month in lezzie
titillation: Heather
Graham and Carrie-Ann
Moss get it on in the
thriller Compulsion
w
gj
While admittedly we
love us some Katee
Sackoff (Starbuck
forever!) her latest
role as a "pretend
lesbian" in Riddick
is bumming us out.
Quit playing with our
heads, lady
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Asif Wanda
Sykes weren't
reason enough
to check
out The Hot
Flashes, it
turns out Daryl
Hannah's
character is a
lesbian to boot
Marriage equality----~
is spreading; first
DOMA gets the
boot, and now in
jolly good news,
the U.K. has made
it the law of the
land, too
l
MTV's hit series Wild n Out
gets literal by casting two
foxy lesbian comics Lauren
Flans and Chaunte Wayans
Amber Heard channels her
Sapphic side in an oh-so-sexy
video for Vs. magazine. Kinky
navel-gazing, um ...yes please
Rumer Willis plays a
lesbian again, this time
on Pretty Little Liars.
Since this is Rosewood we
know it can't end well,
but it sure is gonna be
fun along the way
Lesbian director
Kimberly Peirce's
long-awaited remake
of Carrie opens this
month. Bechdel tested,
Curve approved
Tegan and Sara release a
special edition Heartthrob
magazine on iTunes. Talk
about a page turner
10
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
On a recent
episode of
Breaking Amish
Kate Stoltzfus
went on her
first girl-ongirl date, the
two flirted and
kissed. Looks
like Breaking
Amish may be
breaking bi
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PICKS
»
PRODUCTS
»
PEOPLE
»
Lily Smith-Kirkley
The Dallas designer on coming out,
following her dreams and winning.
NDSJGIFT
GUIDE
2. Dogood Decolletage
Dogoodery gets glitzy with
this pink tourmaline necklace
from designer Rosena Sammi,
which spells "hope" in
Sanskrit. Thirty percent of
the proceeds go to the
American Cancer Society.
($120, rosenasammi.com)
1. Just Dandy
The traditional bowtie gets a twist with the Kiel
James Patrick Twiggy bracelet. Twenty percent
of the purchase price goes to the Breast Cancer
Research Foundation to help find a cure.
($58, kieljamespatrick.com)
6. Fight in Style
What better way to symbolize the fight to find a
cure than boxing gloves? Put some pink in your
punch and donate to BCRFat the same time.
($40, ever/ast.com)
5. Prettier in Pink
Donating to BCRF gets a new spin
with Cuisinart's hot pink appliances.
Our fave: the 7- Speed Electronic
Blender. ($70, cuisinart.com)
8. Cross Your Heart
This hip Cross Body Cause Bag in
black water resistant microfiber
with pink lining gives back to Breast
Cancer Options and the American
Cancer Society while you go about
your business. ($50, ameribag.com)
10.StepUp
9. Philanthropic Pucker
Spoil your feet and give back with
Orthaheel's Vionic special edition
Tahoe sneakers. Featuring a pink
stripe these shoes usually retail for
$100 but you can get them for half
that on Oct. 11on QVC. Proceeds
benefit breast cancer research,
education and awareness. ($50,
orthaheelusa.com)
For Breast Cancer Awareness month Clinique has released a special edition
of their highly popular Almost Lipstick in Ribbon Honey. This shade flatters
all skin tones and Clinique donates $3 of every purchase to BCRF.
($15, clinique.com)
1
Get cozy in the Pinktober
tee from the Hard Rock
Cafe. Featuring a design
inspired by both Eastern
and Western elements 15
percent of the price of
the soft jersey tee is
donated to BCRF.
($26, hardrockcafe.com)
12. Written on the Body
Lesbian artist Kimberly Blanchette creates works of abstract art using the
human body as a canvas and then photographs the result. Blanchette
donates $5 of every print from The Body Paint Project to BCRF and Gilda's
Club Madison. (kimberlyblanchette.com)
4. Altruistic
Aromatherapy
Gold Canyon's Pink Sugar
Cookie Tribute candle fills
your home with the sweet
smell fresh baked cookies
while giving 10 percent
of all purchases to BCRF.
That's a pretty sweeet deal.
($19, go/dcanyon.com)
7.ZentoWin
Feel extra motivated next time you're in
downward facing dog with Gaiam's Pink
Ribbon Yoga Mat II featuring the ribbon
motif, made from inspirational words. The
mat also comes with a free yoga work
out DVD. ($22, gaiam.com)
15 Ways to support breast cancer awareness this month.
BY RACHEL SHATTO
13. Sugar Kisses
Get smooth and supple lips and
give back at the same time with
Skinn's Sugar Lips Polishing
Scrub. Made with real sugar,
100 percent of the purchase
price will be donated to support
breast cancer awareness.
($20, skinn.com)
SK
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...............
Ory&Llne<ll.lp9
15. Cancer is Ruff
14. Silver Lining
Make a difference with movie
night. For every purchase of
the award-winning lesbian film
Cloudburst, starring Olympia
Dukakis, Wolfe Video will
donate 10 percent to the
Lesbian Health & Research
Center. ($20, wolfevideo.com)
We humans aren't the only
ones facing the threat of
breast cancer. Lesbian-owned
pet store Pampered Paw Gifts
is offering Lainey's Believe
Cookie Bucket, which helps
support the search for a cure
for canine breast cancer. This
pink bucket is filled with eight
breast cancer ribbon cookies
and 25 bone cancer cookies,
and a Believe Pin for you.
($20, pamperedpawgifts.com)
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
13
NDS!BEAUTY
•
•
Outside the Lines
Natural, vegan
products do not have
to mean boring colors.
Lush's liquid liners
abound with daring
hues, from pastels to
metallics, so let your
creativity run wild.
$19, lushusa.com
•
$19, lushusa.com
•
Power Pout
From the fierce fuchsia
of Passionate to the
precious pink of Charm,
the liquid to powder
finish of Lush's lippy
guarantees a look that
wont smear or feather.
$19, /ushusa.com
•
$19, lushusa.com
•
Finishing Touch
Powder can dry your
skin, but the jojoba
oil in its base gives
Lush's Emotional
Brilliance Translucent
Powder the power
to hydrate your skin
while still creating a
smooth matte finish.
$19, lushusa.com
14
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Sweet Cream
Be on trend with matte
earth and jewel tones
this fall, with Lush's
cream shadows.
•
Fresh Faced
Lush's foundations can be used
on their own for greater coverage
or mixed with your favorite
moisturizer to create a
custom tinted lotion.
$17, /ushusa.com
Feed Your Lashes
Lush Eyes Right
mascara is gentle,
thickening and will
leave your lashes
healthy thanks to
its vitamin-rich
wheatg rass base.
/
A Teazled Moment
The LGBT card-makers give back.
Who doesn't enjoy sending loved ones
a greeting card for holidays, special
occasions or even coming out? (Yes, they
exist.) Based in Las Vegas, Teazled creates
traditional, yet unique, greeting cards
specifically for the LGBT community and
their families and friends. Founded in 2011
by Dina Proto and Dina Poist-Proto, their
vision of creating cards by us and for us
was immediately embraced by the LGBT
community, which has allowed the lesbian
business to expand rapidly.
Now, Proto and Poist-Proto are giving
back by teaming up with a handful of
select LGBT centers around the U.S.
HOTTEE
OF THE MONTH
Because you're never too grown up to
channel your inner tomboy!
$35, tomboyx.com
Their cards are available for sale at
each location, with all profits to benefit
the center. "Each center will have the
autonomy to pick the specific cards
they want and price them as they see fit
in an effort to meet the needs of their
community," says Proto. "If a teenager
were to come in with the desire to
purchase a card, however not enough in
their pocket to do so, the center could opt
to provide a card for little to no cost and
still yield a healthy profit
due to the balance of
many cards selling at full
retail price."
Teazled cards are family
appropriate and address
support issues that are near
and dear to our hearts. With
their tagline "Tell Them,"
Teazled offers over 200
different cards throughout
the year that cover 42
unique relationships.
(teazled.com)
-Hassina Obaidy
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
15
boyfriend of several years, can
do whatever the hell she wants.
Correction: she does do
LESBOFILE
whatever the hell she wants,
BY JOCELYN VOO
the Oscar winner made her
-
as evidenced by her recent
involvement in the defense of
Melissa's getting hitched-again, Tilda lets her
Pride flag fly and a lyrical pop star cat fight.
LGBT rights in Russia. Despite
potential jail time penalties,
mark by releasing a photo of
her holding a rainbow flag in
front of Moscow's Kremlin, with
Wedding Belles
kiss wasn't the first time she's
up for people like me in the
the caption "In solidarity. From
It's official: lezzies are gettin'
nuzzled up with another female
LGBT community."
Russia with love," which has
hitched in the Golden State.
in real life. "It is nice not to have
And who else among the first
to worry about razor burn,"
Sharnee Zoll-Norman, guard
to declare their intentions
Banks notes.
for the Chicago Sky. Notably,
to walk down the aisle than
Even more reason to love
The other is WNBA baller
this isn't exactly a "coming out"
now gone viral online.
Swinton, we love you right
back.
Melissa Etheridge and her
her: she has great taste in girl
for Zoll-Norman. The basketball
Bad Romance
girlfriend of three years, Linda
crushes. "Angelina Jolie is
player is not only married, but
In this long history of jilted
Wallem?
always super hot, and Christina
has also made reference to her
musicians making personal
Hendricks is pretty ridiculous,
wife in previous interviews.
jabs at enemies in some of
find matching socks!! But
but I think I would have a lot of
But with her interview with the
their songs (or even all of their
I can still get legally mar-
fun with Emma Stone."
Windy City Times, this is the
first time she's addressing it
publicly for print.
"I never felt whether I'm
gay, straight, bi, [or] whatever
that my sexuality had anything
to do with me as a basketball
player, and I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with
me as a person," she says. "If
I was straight, I wouldn't have
to come out and say that I was
straight."
songs ...cough ...Taylor Swift...
"So excited today I couldn't
ried," Etheridge tweeted.
For all the ladies who are
Two New MVPs
now fiendishly setting up wed-
Though not unfamiliar with
ding registries at REI (we know
the limelight, top-tier female
you're out there), our heartiest
athletes have been making
congratulations-we
made it!
news lately more for their offthe-court dalliances than their
Kiss and Tell
athletic feats. This month, more
If you haven't seen the 2001
than one woman publicly
satire Wet Hot American
addresses her sexuality.
National Women's Soccer
Summer, here's the Cliff's
Notes version: Elizabeth Banks
League's Sarah Huffman, a
makes out with Marisa Ryan.
midfielder for the Western New
OK, that was just one of the
York Flash, is also a member
critical bullet points we drew
from it.
cough), an unforeseen one
surfaced recently between
music forces Lana Del Rey and
Lady Gaga-two artists who, by
all accounts, were previously
thought to be comrades.
It's speculated that Del
Rey's leaked song, "So Legit,"
could've been written as early
as 2007, but choice lyrics still
pack a sting: "Stefani, you
suck/I know you're selling 20
million," Del Rey sings. "Wish
From Russia with Love
they could have seen you
of Athlete Ally, an organization
It can probably be said that
when we booed you off in
working to eradicate homopho-
Tilda Swinton, the highly
Williamsburg."
bia in sports. As part of her
educated arthouse actor, avant
Another jab: "You're looking
statement on Ally's website,
garde fashion model, and wom-
like a man/you're talking like a
actor tells The Advocate that
Huffman also comes out: "I am
an with a longtime partner and
baby," she continues. "Have we
the impromptu, non-scripted
excited to be an ally and stand
a devoted decades-younger
all gone Gaga crazy?"•
But now over a decade later,
the straight Hunger Games
16
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OCTOBER
2013
TRENDS/SHE
s
I
I
...•••
/lil
"Oh God,
who hasn't.
Yeah."
- Cher, on if she'd ever
had a same-sex lover,
on Watch What
Happens Live
17
st PROFILE
Julia Applegate
Cincinnati
> HealthandGenderActivist
It started with a desire to party. Fed up
with the lack of choices, the then-DJ Julia
Applegate found herself pitching a dyke/drag
king revival to a local bar in Cincinnati. "We
ended up drawing a crowd of 200 plus dykes
to a bar that normally had 12 people in it on a
Saturday night," she recalls.
So loved was the drag king part of the show
that Applegate and her business partner went
on to form the H.I.S. Kings, eventually took the
show national, and in 1999 produced the first
International Drag King Extravaganza drawing
together drag kings, academics, photographers and theater performers.
Currently Applegate serves as Program
Manager on the Sexual Health Promotion
team for the city of Columbus, Ohio working
as an LGBT Health Advocate. And when she's
not developing cultural competency trainings
to address health disparities for the city, she's
acting as Board President of the Gay and
Lesbian International Sport Association.
Over the years, says Applegate, big
changes in the LGBT civil rights movement
have occurred. Today, the issue is part of
mainstream dialogue, on a daily basis. Things
that could barely be mentioned are now on
the news, part of popular culture and part of
church sermons all over.
But there is more work to be done.
"In Ohio I can't get married to my domestic partner, I have no legal rights to the two
children I am raising, I am not on the same
health insurance policy as my partner, and on
and on," she says. "We are more fortunate in
North America than the LGBT community in
many other parts of the world where simply
acting on your same-sex feelings is punishable by death or other legal measures. We
have changed many people's minds. Now we
need to change the law."-Sheryl Kay
18
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2013
Bureau, an advertising watchdog, has dismissed
complaints about a billboard showing a pregnant
woman accompanied by the text "Congratulations,
you're having a lesbian." The advertisement by
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays was
designed to spread the message that children
are born gay. One of the received complaints
stated, "If science can prove one is having a
lesbian/homosexual, should one abort?"
INTHE
SOUTH
AUSTIN
neighborhood of Chicago's West
Side, two women were pinned
against a car by 10 men who
took turns punching and k1ck1ng
them while yelling homophobic
slurs at the couple The attack
stemmed from a man who had
gone to high school with one of
the women, recognized her and
began following and taunting her
One of the men has been arrested
and Is being charged with felony
counts of hate crime and robbery,
police are still looking for the
other attackers
THENAMEY
FAMILY
IN
Pennsylvania awoke to a swastika
burned into their front lawn, and
a pickup truck vandalized The
homeowner John Namey says
he believes that his home was
targeted because "I have a 16
year old daughter who Is openly
gay, and Is proud, and we are
proud of her" He spoke about
how his daughter has been
bullied at school, and Is afraid to
ride the school bus The Buffalo
Township police are InvestIgatIng
POLICE
INUPPER
DARBY,
Penn were called to a local
McDonald's after two women
were attacked In the parking lot
After receIvIng complaints from
other customers that two women
had entered the bathroom
together, the manager opened
the bathroom door to find the
women In sexual actIvIty The
women were followed outside
where one of the women was
stabbed In the shoulder Police
are revIewIng security footage to
1dent1fy1nd1v1duals
involved In the
attack
KEELIE
SHAY
ISSUING
HER
former high school Kamiak
High 1n Mukilteo, Wash. saying
that four and half years ago
she was a starter on the girls'
basketball team but when her
coaches learned she was In a
lesbian relat1onsh1pwith a fellow
teammate she was removed
from the starter posItIon Shay
says she had no choice but leave
the school Shay Is seeking an
undisclosed amount In monetary
damages The school d1str1ct
has declined to comment
Men, Women & Power
When it comes to politics, are we secretly sexist?
BY VICTORIA
A
A. BROWNWORTH
t the end of July, the same day former Congressman and New York City
mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner was coping with his campaign manager quitting, Twitter had #Hillarymovietitles trending. NBC had just
announced it was making a mini-series on the former Secretary of State
starring Oscar-nominee Diane Lane.
Some of the titles were amusing, like "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Suits;' but
most were anti-Hillary with an undertone of viciousness, like 'i\bandoning Private
Ryan;' "The Lyin' The Witch and the Cankles;' "The Worst Years of Our Lives" and
"Swindler's List:'
The same day a political website began running an anti-Hillary video. Already. With
2016 three years off. Weiner was the real
news, but the anti-Hillary meme was getting equal time on social media.
A few days later, a lead story on the
news was a private lunch at the White
House between President Obama and
Hillary Clinton, but that lunch was paired
with Weiner's second fall from grace.
These events may not seem connected, but they are. There remains an overt
double standard-sexist
at its core-of
treatment of men versus women in the
political sphere. A former Secretary of
State and likely presidential contender can
be having lunch with a sitting president,
yet the sneering about her political chances
is conflated with those of a disgraced former congressman.
As we say on social media: WTF:1 I'm
not going to re-hash the incomparably sexist treatment of Hillary Clinton in 2008 by
the media, including women like New York
Times columnist Maureen Dowd. But
when then-MSNBC pundit Keith Olbermann said Hillary should be taken to a back
room by a delegate and only one of them
should come out, that violent statement
epitomized her treatment throughout the
race. The attitude pundit after pundit took
was that Hillary should drop out of the
campaign-even as she was winning the
popular vote and running the major states.
Until the New York City mayoral race,
that is. New York is the largest city in
America. It's also, hands-down, the most
diverse. It's also the gayest, San Francisco
notwithstanding.
Yet New York has
never had an openly gay mayor ( rumors
abounded that Ed Koch was gay, but he
never came out) nor has it ever had a
woman mayor.
This was going to be the year when
both those things changed (kind of like
how 2008 was going to be the year America finally elected a woman president). At
47, Christine C. Quinn has been in politics all her life. Speaker of the New York
City Council since 2006, she is the first
woman and first openly queer person to
hold that office, the second most powerful
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
19
st POLITICS
in the city. Quinn has been a member of
City Council since 1999.
Quinn was polling at 37 percent in a
field of nine Democratic candidates and
four Republican candidates when Weiner entered the race. She was by far the
likely candidate to win the September
primary ( the election is Nov. 5). But
those who may have had reservations
about a woman or a lesbian being mayor
leapt onto the Weiner bandwagon as
soon as he announced. All, it seemed,
was forgiven for Weiner. But why?
Eliot Spitzer, former Democratic governor of New York who resigned in disgrace
after having been caught in a prostitution
scandal just a year into his term, also
announced he was running for New York
City Comptroller.
As Weiner dropped in the polls, Quinn
didn't rise, however: Bill De Blasio did.
Though Quinn remained in the lead, De
Blasio has been pumping his liberal cred
by getting arrested at a protest over the
proposed closing of two borough hospitals
and putting his wife-an African-American
and "former lesbian" ( she wrote about her
lesbianism for Essence magazine)-front
and center in his campaign as a hedge
against Quinn.
So: Women like Clinton or Quinn who
have served in their jobs not just faithfully
and with distinction, but without scandal
and without being caught with prostitutes
or sending texts of their nether regions to
people half or a third their age, are ripped
by the media for the style of their hair,
the size of their breasts or the fact that
they don't wear skirts, and men who have
engaged in illicit-or in Spitzer's case, illegal-activities get a pass.
Again, why?
The boys-will-be-boys-but-girls-betterbe-virgins social dictate of the 1950s is
still applicable to politics in 2013. Female
candidates are allowed no mistakes (witness the pillorying of Sarah Palin in 2008),
while male candidates are afforded every
opportunity to reinvent, redeem or just
plain ignore their blatant errors in judgment, lying and, as in the case of Spitzer or
Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), illegal actions.
Women voters are made to feel they are
prudish if they demand that candidates
20
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
like Weiner, Spitzer or Vitter withdraw
in the face of sex scandals. But as former
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said
about Weiner when his new scandal was
revealed, "It's disrespectful. Get out:'
Pelosi's succinctness addresses the issue
Weiner, Spitzer, Vitter and even Bill Clinton
Women aren't second
best. Nor should they
be merely fall back
candidates. Women
voters need to be
more respectful of
women. We also need
to ask ourselves why
we are voting for men
over women ...
''
(who at least has repented with global
good works for women in the intervening
20 years since the Lewinsky scandal) never
discuss: Your behavior, guys, is offensive to
women. And women are 54 percent of the
American populace.
As women voters, we must ask ourselves
why we are often willing to stand by our
male candidates in ways we never stand by
our female candidates. Olbermann notwithstanding, some of the most vicious
commentary I heard when I was working
on Clinton's campaign in 2008 came from
women. Yet many of those same women
now can't wait for a Clinton presidency.
Where were you in 2008, ladies?
Another question plumbs our psyches
from a distinctly Freudian perspective.
Why do we, as women, stand up for male
candidates who have so transgressed the
bounds of their social contract with the
voter? Doesn't that put us side-by-side
with beleaguered wives like Huma Aberdin and Silda Spitzer, standing by as their
husbands explain their lack of fealty.
Can we accept the truth about ourselves
with regard to men and women in politics, which is: Many of us-be we second,
simthird or fourth wave feminists-are
ply more accustomed to men in politics
than women. Regardless of our declaration of feminism or lesbianism or both,
polls show we still trust or at least accept
male authority over female authority most
of the time.
That grim sexist truth is reflected over
and over again in political races-what
other reason could there possibly be for
voters to flock to Weiner over Quinn, only
to desert him again for her once he admitted further scandal?
Women aren't second best. Nor should
they be merely fallback candidates. Women
voters need to be more respectful of women.
We also need to ask ourselves why we are
voting for men over women, even when
those men either have less experience or a
background filled with scandal.
Do we really believe a man knows
women and women's issues better than
a woman? Do we really believe only men
can negotiate politics, especially when they
can't handle their own personal lives? If so,
it's not just men waging a political war
on women, it's women themselves. When
women vote for women, women win. It's
time to break through our internalized
glass ceilings and accept ourselves. •
3
z
0
0
0
C)
Cf)
<(
::;:
0
• EHABILITA
• RETIREMENT
RE-HOM
R
Rebecca and Victoria
Veterans Rebecca Anne and Victoria Keilana Holliman share thier story of love
both pre- and post-DADT. BY MERRYN JOHNS
V
ictoria Keilana
then they flew to Washington,
It wasn't until a couple of days
Holliman, 25, and
D.C., for a courthouse wedding.
later that I realized my mistake.
She was also "straight" at the
Rebecca Anne
Then, Victoria was deployed to
It didn't take me long after that
time, and I didn't want to do
Holliman, 22, met
Germany, while Rebecca was
to realize she was the one I was
anything until she was ready.
and fell in love
assigned to stay in Monterey.
going to marry, even though
REBECCA: She kept inviting
while they were both serving in
After injuring her shoulder
she didn't know it yet.
me out and flirting with me.
the U.S. Army, before the repeal
Rebecca was discharged, but
REBECCA: I thought she was
I was only 19 at the time and
of DADT.When a barracks
can't get a command-sponsored
horrible! I tried to avoid her for
came from Oklahoma, so
roommate outed them to their
visa to live with Victoria in
weeks, but we shared the same
while I knew I liked girls, I had
homophobic commanders,
Germany, because even though
friends and she kept asking me
never been willing to go there.
they faced a five-month
DOMA has been repealed she
out, so I eventually learned she
Eventually, my crush got bad
was actually rather nice.
inquisition and were banned
doesn't count as a dependant.
from seeing each other. Less
In spite of these obstacles, they
than two weeks before the
are determined to be together.
repeal of DADT,both women
HOW
THEY
GOT
TOGETHER
VICTORIA: She definitely made
girl? Plus, I had a crush on her.
enough that I decided not to
worry. She made me feel very
safe, and that helped me a lot.
Stationed in Monterey, Calif.,
ONTHEIR
FIRST
IMPRESSIONS
the first move. When we were
OFEACH
OTHER
at parties, I would be minding
THEREACTIONS
OFOTHER
PEOPLE
they would sneak off to the
VICTORIA: I didn't like her
my own business and the next
VICTORIA: All my friends loved
beach in Carmel to see each
when we first met. I thought
thing I knew, she was snug-
her, so they were very happy
other late at night. After
she was bossy and full of her-
gling up to me or holding my
for us. A few were even jealous
that I was dating Rebecca,
were demoted and punished.
DADT was repealed, Victoria
self. It turns out that I mistook
hand. I didn't stop her because
proposed to Rebecca on that
her for someone else-some-
what lesbian in their right mind
because they had a crush on
same beach in Carmel, and
one who had been rude to me.
turns down a beautiful, sexy
her. My co-workers had mixed
22
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
reactions. Most were great, but
5. As a gay couple, we were
on us-we didn't back down.
see you happy with each other,
my first command team gave
not allowed to move out of
We both found ways to make
then there is nothing wrong
us hell for it. My mother also
the barracks and into our
sure the other one felt loved
with gleefully rubbing your
had a problem with same-sex
own house. This made it hard
and safe, we found strength in
happiness in their faces.
marriage, and that led to a big
each other, and we held each
falling out.
when we were stationed in
Monterey-living separately in
REBECCA: My wife's mother
the barracks.
attends a fundamentalist Filipino
REBECCA: It is very difficult to
Baptist church. Unfortunately,
feel like we are making prog-
the two of them had a major
ress in our life when we keep
falling out that tore her whole
family apart. They haven't
hitting obstacles that are out
of our control and very little
spoken for almost two years.
seems to work out in our favor.
Right after we started dating,
Most of these obstacles are still
someone turned us in for being
not fully resolved, but we are
gay, and that was hell. But after
hanging in there and things are
I changed command teams, all
slowly getting easier for us.
my new co-workers and bosses
Most of my friends were very
WHAT
MAKES
THEM
WORK
ASACOUPLE
happy for me and didn't care if
VICTORIA: We understand and
I was with a woman, so long as
love each other. I am madly in
I felt loved. My family needed
love with her and she with me,
were incredibly supportive.
other up when we were down.
ONTHEFUTURE
TOGETHER
''
WHAT'S
ABtTTtR
REBECCA: We dream of being
able to do simple things that
even most lesbians take for
granted, things like cooking
dinner together, falling asleep
in the same bed or being able
WAY
TOSAY
l YOU'
TOTHt
THAN
HATtRS
THROUGH
YOUR
HAPPINtSS.
to become "puppy parents."
We have no idea when we will
be able to actually set up a
life together, but we still enjoy
being married to each other
more than anything on earth.
Every morning [on German
time], my wife gets up before
work-which
''
in the military is
offensively early-and
calls me
on Skype to talk for about half
some time to get used to the
but we both also understand
idea that I was a lesbian, but
what the other one needs. I
they have gone to really admi-
understand when she needs
Find that strength and keep
rable lengths to be supportive.
space, or when she needs
charging on, because what's
because I am pretty sure that
someone to talk to, or when
a better way to say "F you" to
we are not only in love, but that
she just needs some attention.
the haters than through your
we still have a crush on each
We are complete opposites,
happiness.
other. I thought that crushes
VICTORIA: I honestly can't
but we balance each other.
REBECCA: Fight against
were supposed to fade after
remember our first argument.
When I'm acting crazy, she's
opposition when you have the
a few years, but I still feel my
REBECCA: She has this really
reasonable, and when she's
opportunity-but
stomach drop and my heart stop
great habit of forgetting that
acting crazy, I take a turn being
fight them, just wait them out.
when she smiles at me. Even
we are fighting. It is difficult
the reasonable one.
Ultimately, no one outside
though we don't have anything
to stay mad at someone who
REBECCA: Ever since the begin-
of your relationship has the
close to a traditional married
forgets that she is mad at you.
ning of our relationship we have
power to taint your love, and if
life, we still cannot imagine our
So I normally get over it, and
completely understood where
it threatens them so much to
life without each other. •
if I have been a total jerk, I buy
the other one was coming from
her shoes. I have yet to screw
and what she needed. We are
up badly enough that shoes
also very practical. Don't get
don't buy me forgiveness.
me wrong, we are sickeningly
THE
OBSTACLES
THEY
HAVE
FACED
TOBETOGETHER
fight and be annoyed some-
VICTORIA: Can I name my Top
stubborn people I can think of.
5? 1. Almost getting kicked out
We decided that we would not
of the Army for being gay. 2.
let life tear us apart and so we
DEALING
WITH
THEIR
DIFFERENCES
hold on, no matter how many
things go wrong.
difference. 4. Before DOMA
was repealed [and even now],
outfits for our Skype dates,
times. We are also the two most
other for a month. 3. Being
in a long-distance relation-
We still dress up in our cutest
in love, but we also expect to
Being ordered to not see each
ship with a nine-hour time
if you can't
an hour and "tuck me into bed."
THEIR
ADVICE
TOOTHER
COUPLES
TRYING
TOSTAY
TOGETHER
I could not sponsor her to live
VICTORIA: When my gorgeous
with me in Germany, and we
wife and I were facing opposi-
do not receive any benefits, so
tion from other soldiers and our
it is difficult to stay together.
companies, we concentrated
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
23
CURVE JUST
GOT COOLER.
VIDEO+ANIMATION+
ADVANCED NAVIGATION ...
vou~LL WANT TO TOUCH.
VIEWS/
I~esbian S.O.S.
(save our sex lives)
It's time to shake things up and bid your
comfort zone farewell. ev LIPSTICK & 01PsT1cK
LIPSTICK+OI
PSTI
hanging out with other lesbians.
in show-and-tell, watching
others get it on will have you
If you don't know where to start,
tearing at each other's blouses.
try a meet-up group. Check
Check out some lesbian-made
on line for groups with activities
porn by Shine Louise Houston.
you might enjoy. There are
Better yet, talk to each other
legions of lesbians who hike, go
about what "spicing it up"
to movies, discuss books, attend
means to you, and take a class
plays, art museums and car
in kink or kissing at your local
shows. But remember, making
woman-friendly sex store.
friends and finding community
takes time. Be patient, be brave,
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I've been
with my girlfriend, who is now my fiance,
for over two years. I'm looking to spice up
our sex life. Please help. -Mild Taco
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////,'////////////////
and step out, and when the time
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
I am a young lesbian in a big
is right, work up the courage to
gay city, but I have no clue
ask someone out.
where to find girls. My problem
is, I look so feminine that I am
Lipstick: Lil' chickadee, just
mistaken for straight, even
like Dip said, you have to put
though I am completely out of
yourself out there. You can't
the closet. I don't want to just
expect her to fly through your
it be that people simply don't
do the bar scene, and Internet
open window like a fairy. You're
hogtie and spank each other as
dating weirds me out. I also
going to have to work for it,
often as they should? If you're
have zero gaydar, and I've never
just as you would for any goal
in a monogamous relationship,
hit on anyone in my life, so I
worth pursuing, and that means
and you want it to stay that
don't quite know how to. What
facing your fears, shouldering
way, I've got a tip for you-one
do I do?-Su/king
the awkward situations, and
in Chicago
bouncing back from rejection.
that I'm pointing out with my
There is no other way around
riding crop. Surrender to your
Dipstick: Sulking, it's easy to
fiance, be at her mercy, and
sit at home, stare in the mirror,
it. If you can take one step,
let her do whatever she wants
brush your long girly locks, and
you can take another, and then
to you. Then switch it up. Let
wonder why you can't meet
another. Start slowly. How about
Dipstick: Cayenne pepper. It's
go of all control. That will take
anyone decent. It takes stepping
this: Tomorrow, you get a free
a great spice. Or some fancy
everything up several notches.
back from your reflection and
membership at Curve Personals.
smoked paprika. I once heard
Beyond submission, I've got
looking into someone else's eyes
Even though you say it creeps
that turmeric has erotic powers.
two more words for you:
to make a connection-love
you out, sign up anyway. Simply
Try one of those.
nipple clamps!
otherwise. The "mistaken for
or
create a silly handle-you don't
straight" thing is just an excuse
have to upload a photo or
Lipstick: Really, Dipstick?
Dipstick: Well, Taco, if 50
you're telling yourself. You can
anything-and
(Sigh.) Doesn't everyone know
Shades of Grey isn't your thing,
come up with a hundred better
at available women. There is no
just start looking
it's all about cumin?
check out the Erotica section of
ones than "I don't like bars"
risk here, because you're totally
Cleis Books. You're sure to get
and "the Internet weirds me
anonymous. What do you have
Dipstick: Sorry, Lip. It's just that
some inspiration from one of
out." The best way to let people
to lose? Well, just the girl of your
we've gotten some variation
these titles: True Lesbian Erotic
know you're a lesbian is also the
dreams, but that's only if you
on the "spice it up" question
Confessions, edited by Chelsea
best way to meet them-start
don't make a move! After you're
month after month for years.
James; Best Black Women's
comfortable with that, why not
Why is this one so hard for
Erotica, edited by Blanche
create a profile, again with an
lesbians to figure out?
Richardson; Lesbian Vampire
anonymous handle, so no one
Lipstick: It's not solely a lezzie
Erotica, edited by Delilah
knows you, and start chatting
Devlin; or my personal favorite,
with women? If you need help,
drop us a line again and we can
conundrum, Dip. Straight folks
Girls Who Score: Hot Lesbian
face the same vanilla beans in
Erotica, edited by lly Goyanes.
help you make your write-up
the boudoir. Could it be because
Reading about others' sexy
shine. You'll be amazed by the
we're not monogamous crea-
adventures always turns me on
way the world expands when
tures? Could it be that variety
and gives me inspiration. For
you unlock your door. Open
is the spice of life? Or could
those who prefer the "show"
your heart and your mind! •
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
25
st
TRUTHOR OARE
The Vagina
Dialogues
Our Sapphic sexperts share their experiences.
BY JINCEY LUMPKIN & CARLIN ROSS
last time you were unabash-
CARLIN
I've always loved my vulva-
edly naked in a room full of
and by "vulva" I mean my
strangers?
clitoris, my inner and outer
We talked and talked, but
lips, and my vaginal open-
the real point of the class was
ing. Everything that brings
to get to know your body,
me pleasure. But for the
particularly your pussy, and to
majority of women that's not
let go of all shame. A key part
the case. Most of us think that
of this Bodysex experience is
there's something wrong down
called Genital Show-and-Tell. ..
there.
standard persists in our culture
In other words, we all looked
Believe it or not, I have
today, porn that shows em-
at one another's private bits.
my Christian fundamentalist
mother to thank for my Pussy
powering images of women is
Betty went first and announced
still considered revolutionary.
loudly, "OK, you're all gonna
Pride. While my childhood
Yet men can have as much sex
see what an 84-year-old pussy
was replete with admonitions
as they want and no one ever
looks like!"
against premarital sex, I was
says, "Oh, the guys in this por-
JINCEY
they were born. When was the
It was eye-opening to see 10
taught to love my body. Before
no movie are such sluts. Look
women's spread-eagle vulvas.
my mother found Jesus, she
how much they like banging!"
Everyone's lady fortress was
was an artist. Nudity was
or "They must be desperate for
a different shape, a different
common in my household. The
money if they are doing this.
texture, a different hue. One
first vulva I ever saw was
How disgusting."
girl's pussy shimmered, chang-
my mother's. We did a lot of
But I really don't want to fo-
ing colors like a moonstone. I
camping and public bathing,
cus too much on the negative.
named my vulva Eve because
but one camping trip stands
What I'm interested in is giving
I wanted to give my woman-
out from all the others. It was
you a space to feel happy and
hood a new history, fully reborn
where I learned how to spell
Welcome to the only sex advice
free. Carlin and I want to take
and in complete opposition to
the word "clitoris" and I had my
column you'll ever need: "Truth
you away on a journey each
Western religion's strict ideas
first orgasm.
or Dare," available exclusively
month to a place where we can
about the deviant nature of
in Curve! And we'd also like to
openly talk about sex-a calm
female sexuality.
introduce you to our vaginas.
spot in your hectic life where
Now I think about Eve as a
you can relax and think about
part of me but also as a living
to whip out a crotch photo.
your sexual fantasies. We want
organism separate from me.
summer vacation. I knew that
Rather, Carlin and I want to
to tell our stories, dream with
Eve responds to stimuli that
there would be daily sermons
share our memories of when
you, and get into a deep, rich,
Jincey might not consciously
and hours of prayer, but I
we first felt Pussy Power.
fun exploration of sexuality.
be comfortable with.
also knew that I'd get the top
Don't worry-I'm
not going
As a feminist porn producer,
On that note, I want to tell
Sometimes Eve wants things
My parents borrowed
a friend's camper, and we
headed to the Blue Mountain
Christian Retreat for our
bunk in the trailer and could
I often face questions like "Isn't
you that it was actually Carlin
that Jincey just can't give her.
wander around by myself-after all, we were surrounded
porn degrading to women?"
who introduced me to my own
And that's OK! What's most im-
and "Aren't women objecti-
pussy, or, more precisely, to my
portant is that I no longer think
by Christians. When you're 9,
fied by porn?" Certainly, that
own vulva.
of my vagina as a dirty place or
that's pretty freaking awesome.
can be the case with a lot of
Carlin and her business
a shameful area. I know what
On the drive up, I went over
a list of words I'd written in
old-school porn, which is mass-
partner, the legendary sex edu-
my lovely lady part looks like,
produced by men for men.
cator Betty Dodson, give these
and I love her!
However, in the porn I produce,
mind-blowing classes called
spelling bee champion-and
I always work to present a posi-
Bodysex Workshops. Back
I heard a word I'd never heard
in April, Carlin invited me to
before, I would write it down
tive image of female sexuality.
attend one of those workshops.
I think there is so much
my diary. I was the reigning
and badger my parents for the
power in claiming our sexuality.
Imagine this scene: Carlin
definition. "Mom," I asked,
Women should be able to stand
answered the door without
"what does the word 'cli-
up proudly and say, "I like sex!"
any clothes on and 10
and not be slandered for it.
women sat Indian-style on
brief moment of silence
Because a sick double
the floor, naked as the day
before she replied, "It's
26
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
if
toris' mean?" There was a
the part of your body that
of your vulva with the soap." It
makes sex feel good." I scrib-
felt good and I got a tingle
woke up with my hand down
bled it down in my diary and
from touching myself in front
my panties. As the feelings got
didn't think twice about it.
of all the other women.
Despite all the nudity, my
Then my mother walked
In the middle of the night, I
more and more intense, I found
myself thinking about Colleen
mother is a bit germapho-
over, picked me up from
bic. Thank God we didn't have
behind, and lifted me toward
and Brian (my school crushes).
hand sanitizer back then or
the showerhead. The water
felt so real, like they were right
I imagined kissing them-it
I would have been slathered
hit my clitoris with the most
there with me. Suddenly, I was
in it. Our first morning at
intense pressure I'd ever expe-
experiencing a new feeling ...a
camp, we had to hit the public
rienced. Both my love of water
mixture of pressure, tension
baths. My mom, my little sister,
and my exhibitionist tenden-
and tingling. Then, as soon
and I each headed out with a
cies were born in that moment!
as I'd felt it, it was gone. I
plastic sandwich bag filled with
I don't remember how we
stretched out my legs and let
our own personal soap and
spent the rest of our day, but I
the good feelings travel over
washcloth.
imagine that after enjoying hot
my body.
At camp there were commu-
dogs and S'mores on the fire, it
The power of sharing nudity
nal showers, all in one general
was time for bed. We brushed
with a group of women and the
showering area. No curtains or
our teeth, and I climbed into
direct clitoral stimulation from
doors to separate us. The show-
my bunk nestled at the top
that showerhead ushered me
erheads were against the wall,
of the camper. I could touch
into womanhood. I consider it
side-by-side. I lathered up and
the ceiling with my hands. We
the night I lost my virginity. And
heard my mother announce,
were all together, but I was
that, dear readers, was the first
"Make sure to get in the folds
also alone.
of my many orgasms. •
Next month we'll be
talking about lesbian
sexual intimacy. Do you
feel the urge to merge?
Why do we criticize our
lovers? How can we create
an open environment to
communicate what we
want in the bedroom?
CHECK US OUT
ONLINE!
Jincey at Jincey.com and her
hot lesbian porn at
JuicyPinkBox.com
Carlin's amazing
sex education at
DodsonAnd Ross.com
Hit us up on social media
and tell your stories about
#PussyPower!
Why do you love your vag?
@JuicyJincey
@DodsonAnd Ross
@TheRealCurve
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
27
BEST
SUMMER
OUTINGS
In New York, the LGBT community at its finest.
On Saturday, June 29, the Out-Fit Challenge Mud Run
took place at Tuxedo Park to support the Family Equality
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8
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2:
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Council and the Ali Forney Center. The event was a huge
I-
success, and a demonstration of strength and solidarity
aJ
after the June 26 repeal of DOMA. New York City's
Annual Gay Pride Parade on June 30 was even more
celebratory than usual, with Grand Marshall Edie Windsor,
accompanied by her victorius attorney Roberta Kaplan
receiving nonstop applause and approval from a crowd
who braved showers to be part of an historic year.
28
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
w
"'
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0
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"'
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2
1-
w
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'.";
VIEWS/
Breaking the
Pink Ceiling
How to come out and find your power.
BY SHERRY BERMAN
I was 45 years old when I came out.
As a stay-at-home mom with a husband
and two young sons, with part-time
work as a career counselor, with a
house on a suburban cul-de-sac in
the San Francisco Bay Area, coming
out meant leaving all my security,
everything I knew (except my sonsthey came with me) to enter an
unknown world.
ADVI
practices into my career coun-
I was terrified of revealing
myself completely, and for
seling work. I met a wonderful
good reason. As it turns out,
colleague, Julie Gleeson, who
I was rejected by my parents
became my business partner,
and unpopular with my former
and, in quick succession, we
communities. I was alone and
created the Career Wisdom
Institute, co-authored a best-
on my own.
But I didn't care because I
selling book, and rewrote
the very paradigms of career
was finally free to be me.
counseling.
By coming out, I became
In truth, the day I came out
honest with others and with
myself about who I am on a
of the closet was the day I
deep level. I stopped hiding the
shattered my own ceiling to
very best parts of me. I started
success.
aligning my whole being with
how I live in the world-and
this
changed everything.
Not only did my personal life
"Ceiling" or "closet," "lavender" or "pink"-whatever
terminology we use, we're
ultimately talking about the
shift dramatically, my profes-
internal and external limitations
sional life started to blossom
gay women face in finding suc-
as well. I began incorporating
cess and deep satisfaction in
my Buddhist and shamanic
their work.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
29
st ADVICE
icons Rachel Maddow, Suze
changing, its attitudes about
have a support team in place.
ans from taking risks, exploring
These limitations stop lesbi-
Orman, and Ellen DeGeneres.
homosexuality
Pick your strongest professional
opportunities, asking for raises,
These lesbians are reaching out
to the public, shifting mind-
if we do not examine our
allies at your job (if you have
demanding equal and fair
own internalized and limiting
any). Or go wider: Most cities
treatment in the workplace, and
sets and cultural norms, and
belief systems.
developing close relationships
opening the door for lesbians
with co-workers.
According to the Center for
will not matter
It is this fear of being truly
have LGBT professional networks and a Gay Chamber of
everywhere. According to the
who we are that directly affects
Commerce. Join these groups
2012 Out & Equal Workplace
our income, job opportunities
and start to network with other
lesbian professionals.
Work-Life Policy, people who
Advocates Survey, 73 percent
and overall satisfaction with
describe themselves as "in the
of our heterosexual allies say
our work. To break through the
Another great organiza-
closet" at work are more likely
they support policies that ban
lavender ceiling within, start by
tion, Out & Equal Workplace
to mistrust their employers,
discrimination against LGBT
challenging your thinking.
experience greater job turnover
people, and 51 percent of
and feel stalled or dissatisfied
those allies also say they speak
encing dissatisfaction with your
with their rates of promotion
up when they hear anti-gay
job or career, ask yourself the
LGBT Employee Resource
and advancement.
remarks in the workplace.
following questions:
Groups, or ERGs. ERGsare ere-
So how do we start to break
Slowly, and with a lot of
through the lavender ceilings,
effort, the external ceiling for
rise above the pink plateaus
lesbian and bisexual women
and exit the glass closets?
is being raised and progress is
First, we need to distinguish
being made.
between the challenges that
exist outside ourselves and
The Ceiling Within
those that are-perhaps
The second ceiling derives
more
importantly-within.
from the unconscious belief
The External Ceiling
systems of our childhoodinternal limits that, if left
The world of work has been
unexamined, can inhibit lesbian
hostile to the LGBT professional
career growth and success, and
for a long time. Currently, it
last a lifetime.
is still legal in 29 states to fire
The average person in
someone for being gay, and,
Western culture, according to
according to a study from the
standard career counseling
Center for Talent Innovation,
protocols, begins career
74 percent of lesbians say they
development and exploration
encounter bias based on sexual
at 12 years of age. Teenagers
orientation.
who experience early trauma,
Lesbians also face the dou-
shame, bullying, sexual abuse,
ble whammy of being female
or early drug and alcohol
and gay, increasing the risk of
addiction are more likely
discrimination. In the United
to find their professional
Kingdom, this is referred to as
development stunted.
the "double-glazed glass ceil-
Because lesbians discover
ing." And if you are a member
their sexual orientation at differ-
of a racial minority, the ceiling
ent ages and associate varying
drops in even closer to the top
levels of trauma with coming
of your head.
out, there can be a delay in
The good news is: the world
is gradually changing.
More and more, high-profile
lesbians are challenging the
past norms of invisibility in their
If you are currently experi-
identity development, which
Advocates, offers support and
diversity training to employers,
encouraging them to have
ated to empower minorities to
-If you were not gay, what
work would you be doing?
-Are there professions you
avoid because they are too
"hetero," too "butch," too
"femme" or "cliche"?
-Is there a promotion you
want and deserve but will
not request for fear of being
noticed?
-Do you stay away from
people because you are afraid
they will not accept you?
-Do you lead a double life?
Straight at work and gay at
home?
-If you were not scared, what
would you be asking for?
have a stronger voice and more
opportunity in the workplace. If
an LGBT ERGdoes not currently
exist in your company, Out &
Equal can help you start one.
If you believe your work
environment will not support
your being your fullest self,
then it might be time to find
another employer. The Human
Rights Campaign (hrc.org)
conducts annual reviews of
nondiscrimination policies
and benefits information, all of
which are available via public
documents posted online.
-What channels have
you closed yourself off
from because of shame or
perceived stigma?
The information provided is
-Do you negotiate your
salary, or simply accept what
is offered?
the HRC's Corporate Equality
-Do you stay in your job
because you do not believe
you will be hired anywhere
else?
spend the majority of your wak-
-If you were the kindest
parent, teacher or mentor to
yourself, what would you give
yourself permission to do
orbe?
obtained from employers who
have voluntarily participated in
Index survey.
Work is the place where you
ing hours and is one of the best
sources of community.
Living those hours authentically and in connection with
your co-workers is an opportunity for healing, for you and for
those around you as well.
In order for you to explore
affects work efficacy, personal
what true professional success
BOTTOM LINE: In order to
confidence, growth, explora-
could look like in your life, two
grow into whole human beings,
tion and career establishment.
Lesbian career develop-
things must exist: a) the belief
in order to bring more peace
that you can change and b)
into this world, we all, straight
professional lives, stepping into
ment is thus not based on
the support you need to make
and gay, need to care for one
the spotlight, winning political
age or education, but on
change happen.
another. As your awareness of
office, claiming their rightful
when we come out to our-
place as role models.
selves and others.
Thank you, Senator Tammy
Baldwin. Thank you, media
30
CURVE
OCTOBER
Ultimately, how much the
external world is shifting and
2013
If you believe you are ready
your innate power begins to
to break through your internal
expand, so too will real change
ceiling and make changes in
and opportunity grow-and
your work, then it will help to
sky will be the only limit.•
the
MUSIC
»
BOOKS
»
FlLM»
curve
A True Debut
Tylan Greenstein of Girlyman unveils One True Thing,
her first solo album. ev DAVE STEINFELD
M
ostpeopleknowTylan"Ty"
Greenstein as a member of
Girlyman, the enduring,
openly queer folk~pop
foursome. Tylan and her close friend Doris
Muramatsu started out in New Jersey as
a Simon and Garfunkel-influenced
duo.
They later added Nate Borofsky and became
known for producing inspired three~part
harmonies. After the group relocated to
Georgia, they added a drummer, JJ Jones.
Over the course of a decade, Girlyman
released half a dozen albums, toured inces~
sandy, and developed an engaging stage
presence, which only added to the appeal
of their live shows.
Then, in the fall of 2010, the unthinkable
happened. Muramatsu started to feel slug~
gish during a tour of the U.K. and a short
time later was diagnosed with leukemia.
Although Muramatsu was in remission by
the end of 2011, and Girlyman released a
new album, Supernova, last year, they dis~
covered all was not well as they went back
on the road to promote it. "It rocked us so
hard;'Tylan says of her bandmate's diagno~
sis and treatment for cancer. "Emotionally
and financially. And I think that we never
really recovered. It put too much pressure
on us. And we put a lot of pressure on our~
selves to get right back on the road, keep
touring, and kind of pretend that it never
happened. It's our livelihood, so there was a
certain necessity to getting back on the road
as soon as possible-but
it pushed us too
hard. We never bounced back fully:'
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
31
REVIEWS/
MUSIC
So, late last year, to their fans' dismay,
Girlyman decided to go on an indefinite
hiatus. Muramatsu, Borofsky and Jones
are recording an album of children's songs
together as the band Django Jones. But
Tylan made the decision to step out on her
own. She released her solo debut, One True
Thing,in June. The album contains a dozen
songs, and is thematically and stylistically
similar to her work with Girlyman: The
folk-influenced music is by turns somber
and hopeful. Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls
adds her distinctive vocals to the track
''Already Fine;' and "Lying in My Grave"
features Coyote Grace on back-up. It is
no coincidence that Tylan's current paramour is that band's multi-instrumentalist,
Ingrid Elizabeth. T ylan is very happy with
the new relationship, and hopes to let the
world know it, telling a writer, "Ingrid and
I have a dream of being on the cover [of
Curve] someday:' But the road to this place
of happiness was a rocky one. At the same
time that Girlyman was making the decision to take a break, Tylan's former 16-year
relationship was coming apart. Though the
parting was ultimately an amicable one,
understandably, this, too, hit her hard.
"We both knew it had to change;' says
Tylan. "But we were tied together in what
felt like a permanent way. So unraveling
that was hard! It's in the album. There's
so many things in the album that have to
do with all these changes. I had long, lifetime friendships that ended this past year
as well. I don't know why those things all
seemed to happen at once, but I sort of have
a theory that they are meant to push you
into the next part of your life, that one part
of your life is completed in some way. And
I think making the album saved my lifehonestly. Because I almost felt like my life
was over. Everything that I had done up to
that point-everything
that felt stable and
that I had counted on to create meaning in
my life-came crashing down:'
When asked about the inspiration for
the title track, which closes the disc, she
says, "Through a time of [such big] change,
a question came into my mind: 'What is
the thing that doesn't change through all
that? What's the grounding, solid thing?'
Even through it all, there was something
that kept me going. There was some kind
of truth that I still felt didn't disappear.
So that song was an attempt to talk about
what that is, without doing so explicitly.
That tends to be how I write:'•
32
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
HOT
LICKS
))BYRACHEL
SHATTO
Lovers
AFriend
intheWorld
(Baoman
Recoroing)
Portland, Ore.'s out queer band Lovers may not be as well known
as, say, Tegan and Sara or PJ Harvey, but that's just a matter of
time. With their latest album A Friendin the World,the trio continues
to remind us why we can't just turn our back on hipster rockespecially when the scene is producing something this good. The
album was crafted as a celebration of love and friendship and the
result is a dreamy, intimate synth-laden record full of feminist wit
and atmospheric harmonies, with a queer underpinning. In other
words, we love it. Standout tracks include the seductively moody
"Oh Yeah" and the lesbian love song full of longing "Lavender Light.''
Sako
I Thought
I Was
anAlien
(PIO)
Bisexual French actor turned singer-songwriter Sako is certainly
one of a kind-much like her debut album. Sako lays down feathery
whispered lyrics to lo-fl electro beats that are strikingly confessional
missives mixed with the minutiae of the life of a vagabond musician.
Sako explains that's because each song is actually written as a
"musical letter" to a specific person. She also describes her musical
genre as "punk secrets," which is ironic since so little is left to the
imagination. Both in lyric and intonation Sako lays bare her most
intimate and private thoughts and feelings, whether they be pleas for
acceptance or former struggles with substance abuse. What could
easily skew twee or self-indulgent is elevated by a sense of irony
and the absurd, which makes for a riveting listen.
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
DEFINE
BRANO
IMAGINE
FUTURE
DORIE CLARK
The Future Is You
How to brand yourself to meet today's career challenges.
BY HEIDI L. LEHMANN
B
eing professionally relevant and
moving forward in one's career
isn't, as they say, what it used
to be. It's rare to find anyone
today who stays at one company for 40
years and retires with a pension. Few of us
would even consider staying at the same
place (or in the same role) for 20 years! The
fact is, professional life is no longer linear.
Companies downsize, go out of business,
change course, or simply no longer suit our
personal aspirations. To survive, being flexible is a given. To thrive, you need to be a
brand and to control it. You need to master
the art of professional reinvention.
Dorie Clark, a brand expert and the
author of Reinventing You: Define Your
Brand, Imagine Your Future, doesn't just
talk the talk; she's a prime example of repositioning. Clark is intimately familiar with
the art of the personal pivot and what it
takes to successfully re-create, build, broadcast and maintain a professional brand.
Currently advising clients such as Google,
Fidelity, Yale University, Morgan Stanley,
and the Ford Foundation, as well as touring the world as a speaker-from London
to Aspen to Thailand-the
out lesbian
has a methodology that is resonating with
Fortune 500 companies and with thought
leaders across the globe.
Reinventing You is laid out in a digestible and workable step-by-step format; and
while professional reinvention does take
focus and dedication, its key components
have never been more accessible, thanks to
the pervasive connectivity and reach of
social media and the Internet.
Over a fabulous lunch at the Harvard
Club in N.Y.C., Clark and I discussed her
book and what it takes to
craft a new professional persona, in order to extend your
career longevity, success and
happiness.
When is it important to begin
to refine my personal brand?
If you're planning to change
careers-because you're pursuing a new passion, you've gotten
laid off, or your industry is changing dramatically-it's important to think about
redefining your personal brand. Also, if you
feel like your skills aren't being properly valued at your current company, even if you'd
like to stay there, it's worth thinking hard
about how to modify your brand.
What if I'm not happy in my current job?
If you're planning to make a professional
move in the near future, it's critically important to start taking charge of your brand. A
strong personal brand will help you land the
kind of job you truly want.
What if I don't have a brand to begin
with?
Actually, everyone already has a personal
brand-it's just another name for your reputation. The real question is, what is that
reputation-and is it what you want it to be:'
What is the biggest career reinvention
you have ever been through?
Starting my own marketing consultancy
seven years ago. But I've been through a
variety of reinventions-from journalist to
presidential campaign spokesperson, from
nonprofit executive director to documentary filmmaker. That experience fueled
Reinventing You, along with the dozens of
interviews I conducted with other professionals who have reinvented themselves.
How can I accurately understand how
others perceive my current "brand"?
One quick tip is to ask a number of your
trusted friends to describe you in only
three words. Their answers will be illuminating, and the patterns in what they sayand what they don't-can teach you a lot
about how others see you.
If I'm considering a change, what's the
best way to develop a sense of what my
new career path would entail?
I always suggest that people "test drive" a
new career before they fully commit. Read
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BOOKS
as much as you can, do informational interviews, and-especially-spend
a day or
two shadowing someone in the new profession. You can do this through your own
professional network or through a company called Vocation Vacations.
If I lack experience, how can I get a foot
in the door and start acquiring some
hands-on learning about my new career?
An often-overlooked opportunity is to join
nonprofit boards. Most boards are hungry
for professionals who are willing to roll up
their sleeves and get active, and it can be
a terrific way to learn about an industry
you're interested in [healthcare, education,
LGBT issues] or to sharpen specific skill
sets [social media, fundraising].
How can I engage with someone who
has experience in my new field, to show
me the ropes and act as a mentor?
Most older, successful professionals are
very busy, and their time is heavily in
demand. Thus, I often advise people to
broaden their horizons and think instead
about creating their own "advisory board:'
What people-experienced
professionals,
peers or even junior colleagues-do
you
admire for the specific skills they possess?
Perhaps you can tap all of them for their
wisdom. If you are lucky enough to find
one mentor, or a group of mentors, think
carefully about how you can give back: It
shouldn't be a one-way street.
How can I identify and use what is
unique about my background to stand
out from others?
I believe we're emerging from an era where
what mattered the most was how you were
similar to others-do
you look like them?
did you go to the same schools? do you
think the same way?-and entering an era
where what truly matters is how you' re
different. If you're switching fields, for instance, you can never compete on experience with someone who has had that job
since they got out of college. But you can
compete on other grounds, because your
past experience has taught you to see things
in a new way, and that can lead to breakthroughs for your company.
Do I need to be active in social media to
move the needle on my new brand?
These days, it's mandatory to have at least
some social media presence. For starters,
you need to have a robust Linkedln profile,
and a general familiarity with how to use
Facebook-though
its professional value is
probably limited, it has become a cultural
touchstone. If you're able to commit the
time, blogging and using Twitter are terrific
ways to build a robust professional brand.
Once I've accomplished my reinvention,
how do I maintain it without letting that
become too time-consuming?
Reinvention, in some ways, is a continuous
process. But if you've made a dramatic
shift, you've done the heavy lifting-now
that people think of you in your new career,
you simply want to maintain that perception, to make sure you stay top-of-mind,
in case someone wants to refer business
to you, or tell you about a new job opportunity. This is where having a social media
presence, such as a blog or a Twitter account,
can be extremely useful, so people are
periodically "pinged" with your messages
and are prompted to think about you. •
DORIE'STOP 5 BRANDINGTIPS
1 Google yourself. Look
over what's been written
about you and ask yourself
one question: If this were
the only information
someone had about me,
what would they think?
2
Read up. On your next
vacation, read several
nonfiction books about the
jobs or professions that
interest you most. Are they
still appealing-or even
more compelling-after
you've learned more?
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3 Write down your "war
stories." Are there stories
you often tell about your
professional life? They can
lead you to the issues or
themes that matter to you
most, and form the core
of the narrative for your
personal brand.
4
Get a wingman.
Research in psychology
shows that no one likes a
braggart-but if a friend
talks you up, people will
think you're great. Make
a pact with a trusted
colleague to sing each
other's praises.
5 Schedule
your social
media time. It's easy for
Facebook or Twitter to
take over your life. Use
a tool like Hootsuite or
Tweetdeck to schedule
your messages for the
week, and then spend
only a few minutes a day
answering queries or
making quick updates.
EDITOR'S
PICK
Night
Shadows:
Queer
Horror
Edited
oyGreg
Herren
and
J.M.
Redmann
(Bold
It's that time of year again, the
weather is cooling, the trees are
bare, houses are festooned with
spooky Halloween decorations
and with each passing day the
nights grow longer. All of which
make it the perfect time to curl
up under the blankets, turn the
lights down low and tuck into a
creepy horror anthology. There
are plenty excellent collections of
horror short stories available, but
we suggest one that that's written
for us and by us, Night Shadows:
Queer Horror. This anthology
brings together several prominent
LGBTauthors including J.M.
Redmannand Jewelle Gomezto
spin tales of the macabre. Among
the compilation are stories of
voracious succubi who seduce
and enslave women, lesbian
vampires and a haunting by a
spirit with a mysterious agenda
who attempts to communicate
via EVP.The piece de resistance
though, is the collection's final
installment; a novella by Curve's
very own Victoria A. Brownworth
titled Ordinary Mayhem. This is
a deliciously nasty little yarn,
weaves together real world
violence and serial murder that
hits close to home for lesbian,
disaster photographer Faye.
Spine tingling and often horrific,
Ordinary Mayhem is easily
the most engrossing short
fiction this editor has read all
year. -RACHEL
SHATTO
REVIEWS/
FlLM
The Best of Frameline
This year's entries tackle sex work, South American romance, marriage equality and more.
BY KATHLEEN WILKINSON
W
hen the Supreme Court's
judgement came down
on June 26, "the gay community [was] out in the
streets kissing each other ... dancing, they
closed off traffic;' the comic Bill Maher
quipped, "and then they heard about the
ruling:' The corner of Castro and Market
was indeed roped off at 5 p.m., and music
was blasting from huge speakers while
more than 50,000 people made their way
to the late Harvey Milk's stomping ground,
feeling validated as never before. "Jusdy
Married" rainbow stickers, bubbles, candies
and the contents of innumerable confetti
bombs adorned the crowd-a full panoply
of San Francisco queers, plus about a million
guests in town for Pride.
The anxiety had been palpable as San
Francisco's annual Frameline Film Festival
got under way six days earlier. Again and
again, LGBT directors were asked to sum
up their thoughts on marriage and the
impending ruling. Most of the community
was holding its collective breath, expecting
a generally conservative Court to strike
down the California ruling that legalized
same-sex marriage. There was hardly a
Q&A that failed to reference the blackrobed deciders. Films on the subject
seemed particularly relevant. The midweek achievement brought jubilation
and fueled an even more exuberant SF
Pride celebration.
Inside the Castro Theatre, new and
returning lesbian directors basked in the
thrill that the lights of the iconic gay
landmark can bring. What better way to
celebrate than to see our lives, loves, and
artistic expression on the big screen? Here
are three of our favorite entries from this
year's festival.
CONCUSSION
With authenticity, high production values,
and a stunning performance from Robin
Weigert (Deadwood), Stacie Passon's debut
film is one of the best lesbian features of
the fest and, likely, of the year. A baseball
to the temple not only costs Abby (Weigert)
a trip to the emergency room, but, like Melvin Belli's infamous client who became a
nymphomanaic after falling off a San Francisco cable car, the blow inspires a sexual
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FlLM
metamorphosis. The incident with the
baseball sets in motion a series of events
that result in Abby venturing secretly into
sex work. Weigert is mesmerizing as the
desolate woman whose wife (Julie Fain
Lawrence) has completely shut down.
Lesbian moms will certainly relate to the
comic vignettes-spot-on
in conveying
the absurdity of modern-day parenting.
For those who don't already adore Weigert
as Calamity Jane, her impressive range and
depth will seal the deal for her as a lesbian
icon. Passon's brilliant choice of prostitution as an expression of Abby's desire for
another kind of life gives us plenty of lesbian sex-sometimes hot, sometimes not,
but never boring. Concussion opens this
month in theaters.
REACHING FOR THE MOON
Bruno Barreto's Reachingfor the Moon is
based on the tell-all book Rare and Commonplace Flowers, Carmen Oliveira's
semi-fictionalized account of the secret
lesbian life of the great American poet
Elizabeth Bishop (played in the film by
Miranda Otto).
The gist of the story is this: In 1951,
Bishop ran off to Rio and took up with one
of the most accomplished and unapologetic lesbians in the Americas. A self-trained
architect from the Brazilian ruling class,
Lota de Macedo Soares (played brilliantly
by Brazilian telenovella star Gloria Pires)
had no problem ordering workers around
and building a sanctuary in the lush jungle
of Samambaia for her lover, Mary Morse
(Tracy Middendorf). When Morse made
the mistake of inviting Bishop, her peculiar
Vassar friend, into her remote sanctuary,
Soares, the brazen South American butch,
fell in love with the mousy, self-abasing
poet and determined to keep both women,
refusing to be bound by patriarchal convention. At her peak, Soares spearheaded the
design and construction of Rio's Parque
do Flamengo and had grand aspirations
of creating something to rival New York
City's Central Park. However, doing battle
with the political bureaucracy in Rio and
witnessing Bishop's descent into alcoholism
unhinged the audacious Brazilian. Barreto
(Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands) took
home Frameline's Audience Award for Best
Feature in absentia. Lucky for us, Wolfe
Video announced during the Frameline fest
that it had picked up Reachingfor the Moon
for U.S. release next year.
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THE NEW BLACK
The must-see documentary of the fest was
Yoruba Richens The New Black (showing
on PBS next year). In Richens words, the
film is an exploration of "how the black
community is grappling with the gay rights
issue, in light of the marriage movement
and the fight over civil rights:'Told through
the lens of Maryland's marriage equality
referendum, Richen offers an in-depth
exploration of the differing views within
African American families and churches,
dispelling the idea of the "black church" as
speaking with one voice. She was inspired
in part by anger within the black LGBT
community: In the aftermath of the Prop.
8 victory in California, liberal gay activists
leveled blame at African American churches
for encouraging congregants to support
the anti-gay legislation. This attitude is
certainly infuriating to one of the film's
central figures, Sharon Lettman-Hicks
of the National Black Justice Coalition
(NBJC), who inspired the Castro Theatre
audience with her call for leaders of the
gay community to reach out to all races in
a more thoughtful way. The 24-year-old
Human Rights Campaign (HRC) community organizer Karess Taylor-Hughes,
another star of the show, relished the
standing ovation she received, not only for
her efforts as an inspiring youth leader in
the marriage-equality campaign in Maryland, but also for her courage in sharing a
very personal reunion and a formal coming
out with her foster mother in the film.
Honorable Mentions:
Subarna Thapa's Soongava: Dance of the
Orchids, offers a slice of lesbian life in
Kathmandu-despite
the requisite honor
killing. Nisha Adhikari is convincing as the
young butch Oiya, but it's Oeeya Maskey
as the gorgeous femme dancer Kiran who
steals the show.
Vivian Kleiman's touching Families Are
Forever, about a devout Mormon family
struggling to accept their gay son. The
family's support for California's Prop. 8
brought about a crisis for their son. •
LG
Y
ou don't become India's first openly gay comic if you
are afraid to ruffie a few feathers. So it's no surprise
that Vasu Ritu Primlani isn't afraid to skewer, deconstruct and find the funny in any topic, whether
it be gender politics, climate change or even rapeall of which could easily fall flat in the hands of a less clever comic.
When Primlani isn't blazing punch line trails on stage she's pursuing her other passion: the environment. Or more specifically,
working to make restaurants and hotels more green. And now
Primlani is bringing her special brand of courageous comedy our
way with a U.S. tour early next year.
Can you tell us how you ended up doing live performance
over an airplane PA system?
I was traveling somewhere on the West Coast, I think. I just
walked up to them, and offered to do a 15-minute set. They said,
OK, introduced me over the PA system, handed [a mic] to me. I
took it, stretched it out to the aisle so passengers could see me,
and did the show.
At first I could see question marks coming out of people's
heads; they had never had that experience before. I remember
during the show I said, "Talk about a captive audience! If you
don't like my jokes, you can always walk out!" When the plane
landed, the passengers erupted in spontaneous applause! What a
miraculous experience that was!
How do you find the humor in serious topics?
It's hard, I admit. It is, at the same time, the kind of challenge I
want to give myself. We need to be able to talk pleasantly about
issues to bridge gaps in communication and mindsets. For environmentalism, particularly, it's a topic so complex, it really needs
to be broken down into comprehensible, small sound bites.
How have people responded to you being openly gay?
I have been disbelieved. "She can't really mean that!" or "What is
that:"' Openly ridiculed, no. I am very kind through it, and carry
my dignity with me. I don't draw swords unless absolutely necessary. Men have been drunk in the shows, yes. I have put them in
their place, yes. They have never heard anyone say that to them in
their lives 'Tm gay;' and I get them to laugh with me about it.
In fact, the most memorable experience was an elderly audience
member who was upset with what the comic before me said, and
told another audience member: "I will not listen to that comic, but
I will listen to Vasu; she has a point to make:' I was amazed that
a conservative elderly Indian man would prefer to hear about my
homosexuality than a male comic.
What motivates you to keep going?
Oh, it is such a blessing to make people laugh. I have had people
come up to me and say,"I haven't smiled in three days until I saw
your show:' Another woman said, "Whenever my husband and
I fight, he uses one of your lines, and then we both laugh, and
then the fight gets diffused:'
How do you challenge patriarchy?
First, by being a female comic. For a country of 1.2 billion, I am
one of perhaps five female comics in the land. I openly insult guys
in the audience and they laugh because they know it's in good
fun-in fact, they adore it! The lines of patriarchy are drawn so
hard in Delhi, it does my heart good to come closer as friends,
men and women-and
be able to take a little good-hearted ribbing from each other.
What advice would you give to other members of the LGBT
community in India?
I think more of us need to come out-there
are thousands of us
who get out and make our identities known in the work place, at
home, where conditions are not safe and men and women are not
respected for their choices.
We as humans wish to honor each other. We all have differences in our eating habits, praying habits, exercise habits. This is
just another difference, and is absolutely no cause for contention,
as long as I respect, love and honor who I am with.
Come out and speak your truth. It'll be all right.•
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Earlier this year, Hi Fashion made a splash with their
brought together elements of drag, seduction pl
e~tr~
queer or brilliant it's because they
a background in experimental theater, envisio
music, spontaneous dance and fashion-fueled sirs
Gradone creates all their costumes himself. The s
racks of clothes" and "crazy things like bunny heads." He ere
his experimental aesthetic, saying, "I used to work on a lot of
projects so...scale and abstraction have always been interesti
When it comes to performances, he aims for volume, dress
exaggerated silhouettes. Sometimes it's just one giant costu
of it. "There is a lot of decadence in this culture," says Grado
on stage to feel big."
; e lives in between the uracks and
his experience in the theater for
nt garde and dance theater kind of
le, including DM, in
always want her to feel
like a clown car when we
perform Like at any moment
20 poodles could leap out of
her outfit and the audience
would be like/ Have they been
in there the whole time?
Thats what I love in a show//
11
1
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Re/Dress Revo ution
QUEER FASHION GURU RACHEL KACENJAR REINVENTSTHE PLUS SIZE BOUTIQUE. BY RACHEL SHATTO
"The word redress actually means 'to remedy or set right an
our clothing company Pritty Kitty-I'd
undesirable or unfair situation,' which is something we're trying
to do with mainstream fashion. We want fashion to be expressive
take pictures of my friend wearing the
clothing, and then we'd make cut-and-
and empowering for all people!" says Rachel Kacenjar, 30, who
paste zine catalogues and pass them out
to cool kids in the mall. We actually got
took over ownership of the on line plus size shop Re/Dress in May.
For the openly queer, body acceptance activist and fat fashion
guru it was the perfect intersection of her passions. "I worked
quite a few orders!"
Kacenjar's fashion career was put on
for Re/Dress Online for the last year and a half managing the
artistic direction, photo shoots, customer service and fulfillment.
hold while she attended college and
began a career in women's health and non-profit administration,
Deb [Malkin], the owner, told me-with a heavy heart-that she
planned to sell last Fall...it really tore me up. I was happy for Deb,
finance and fundraising. But still the retail world beckoned,
"When I went to New School University in N.Y.C., I wore mostly
but I was really worried that Re/Dress and the east coast fashion
community surrounding it might just disappear entirely, so I
plus-size vintage clothing that I bought at thrift and secondhand
stores back in my hometown. Plus-sized women would stop me
started negotiating to buy the assets of the store from her." Now
just a few months after taking over, Kacenjar has expanded to
on the street and literally offer to buy dresses off my back. So,
when I came back home to visit family, I would ship myself boxes
brick and mortar, opening a boutique in her native Cleveland,
Ohio in September.
and boxes of plus-size vintage that I thrifted and sell it to people
both locally and via a fashion resale group called 'fatshionista'
Re/Dress isn't Kacenjar's first foray into the fashion world.
Her career began in her teens in true riot grrrl style. "I've always
on Livejournal. It was the beginning of my plus-size vintage
shop, Cupcakes & Cuddlebunny.'' C&C was absorbed into
been creative and I've always been fat. But when I first started
to be really interested in expressing myself with fashion there
Re/Dress when Kacenjar took over, so along with new styles,
shoppers can purchase hard to find plus size vintage items. And
wasn't much out there for me. A friend of mine knew how to
sew, so I started designing hoodies, pants and skirts. We called
this is just the beginning, as Kacenjar has plenty of other big
plans for the future of Re/Dress.
What is Re/Dress?
It's a plus sized online and brick and mortar fashion boutique that
caters to sizes 1x-5x. We offer personal styling services, fitting
sessions, as well as closet audits, where we come into a person's
home and reorganize and remix their wardrobe so that it works better
for them.
Who is your customer?
My average customer is feminine presenting, aged 20-40, and size
16-28. However, as of this fall, we will be carrying more masculine
styles of clothing and will have a larger selection of bigger sized
plus-4x-6x-so
hopefully our customer base will grow as we do. We
want to provide style to all flavors of plus sized fashion.
Why are stores like Re/Dress important?
Considering that nearly half of the population is plus sized an under 5
percent of U.S. retail is plus size specific, we have a huge gap we need
to fill. Stores with radical and empowering politics like Re/Dress are
rare. We specifically care about and hope to elevate the experiences
of the plus size shopper. Big chains that simply have a plus section
generally only wish to make extra revenue-they usually don't care
about the lived experience of the shopper or what a garment may
mean to them.
How does your queerness influence the vision for Re/Dress?
I have always been fat and I have always been queer, even if I didn't
always identify as fat or queer. I think these two things about me
have informed the way I move through the world, thus informing my
business decisions, how I treat people, and why I work like a freedom
fighter instead of a capitalist. Our mission is to empower marginalized
people who have been made to feel like shit for having a body in a
way that mainstream society doesn't like.
When did you come out as queer?
I was 14 when I came out to my mom and friends as bisexual.
"Queerness" was introduced to me as a college student in N.Y.C.,
which meant I ended up coming out again as an adult at 28, when my
ex-partner and I bought a house together.
How has queerness and fat activism influenced your aesthetic?
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I think queerness allows most folks within the bubble of it to escape
the patriarchy and the male gaze that dominates mainstream media
and fashion. Queer folks have experienced so much indifference to
the way they live their lives that it allows for a blanket of acceptance
among us. I'm not saying it's perfect; there's definitely fatphobia
in some queer circles. In mine, however, it's allowed me to feel
gorgeous, seen, embodied and clever.
What's the future of Re/Dress?
I want to see the website grow by leaps and bounds. I'd also love
to offer styling services and closet audits via the Internet to those I
can't reach locally. Ideally, I'd love to have a West Coast, East Coast,
Southern and Midwestern store within the next 5-7 years, but that's a
big goal. I dream big, like my butt! (redressnyc.com) •
D
r. Susan Love has been an
authority on breast cancer
in America for two decades.
The author of the groundbreaking bestseller, Dr. Susan Love's Breast
Book, now in its fifth edition, she's also the
founder and president of the Dr. Susan
Love Research Foundation, a non-profit
organization that promotes and funds breast
cancer research.
But on June 8, 2012, she became something
she never expected to be: a cancer patient.
Being diagnosed with leukemia, Love said,
changed her life. Battling cancer herself has
given her a completely different perspective
on the disease-the perspective of the patient
rather than the physician. "It's completely different:'
More than a year after treatment, Love
says she's doing well. She's feeling better, eating healthy food and running again. "I ran
five miles the night before I was diagnosed.
So to get back to running is symbolic:'
Running is a metaphor for Love, who can't
get to a cure for breast cancer fast enough.
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She's OK with the pink this and pink that,
but needs much more. "We have achieved
awareness;' she asserts. "When the NFL
wears pink, weve got that. Now it's time to
go on to the next step:'
It's time, she declares, to be able to treat
breast cancer like a chronic illness. It's time
to find the cause.
It sounds like an insurmountable task, but
Love believes it's doable. She cites cervical
cancer as a model for finding the cause and a
possible cure.
"Look;' she says, "we found the cause of
cancer of the cervix in my lifetime [HPV, or
human papilloma virus]. And now we have a
vaccine that has decreased the risk for getting
that cancer:'
Cancer is all about mutated cells, Love
explains. "We know certain things are
related to breast cancer;' she asserts."Obesity,
lack of exercise, taking HRT [Hormone
Replacement Therapy], late pregnancythese are all related. But if we could find the
mutated cell-it could be a virus or bacteria,
it could be a radiation or something in the
environment, a carcinogen-then
we could
develop a treatment plan:'
Her best guess, Love says, "is that breast
cancer is going to turn out to be infectious,
caused by a virus. We have hints of this, so
that's where I think the research should be
headed. Cancer of the liver is caused by a
virus, cancer of the stomach is caused by a
virus. When we look at AIDS research we
can see the implications for cancer research.
It's probably going to be true [as it is with
HPV] that some of us are more susceptible
than others:'
Love acknowledges that the breast cancer
gene-BRCA 1 & 2-is a factor, as it was for
Angelina Jolie, but points out that it's small.
About 5 percent of women diagnosed with
breast cancer have the gene or any kind of
family history of breast cancer. Most women
diagnosed with breast cancer have no idea
where it came from.
Nikki Weiss certainly didn't. She was in
the shower and noticed a dimpling on her
left breast. "I just knew;' she says.
Weiss's story is more common than any
woman likes to think. At 40, she was a highpowered, A-list agent in Los Angeles, in
perfect shape and health. She jokes that even
in college she was always the designated driver
because she was always health-conscious.
Weiss had a wife, Jill Goldstein, and a
three-month-old son, Adler. She had a beloved father-in-law who was himself dying
of cancer. And now, standing in the shower,
she just knew: she had cancer, too.
Like Love, Weiss radiates indomitability.
Just as Love is the lesbian doctor determined
to cure breast cancer, Weiss is the lesbian
breast cancer survivor showing lesbians how
to, as she puts it, "kick the shit out of cancer:'
Angelina Jolie had just revealed her own
breast cancer story to the world when Weiss
was beginning her own battle. (Weiss took
the Peoplemagazine with Jolie on the cover to
the hospital with her as a talisman.)
"All these thoughts come into your head
immediately;'Weiss explains."Like, I can't be
a cancer patient-I'm
a mom!"
Weiss struggled to be strong for those
around her-her mother, her wife, her son.
She put everything into her job. "I was in
denial every day, just working," she says. And
not letting anyone she worked with know
what she was fighting. "I was already afraid I
might lose my life," she says.
Weiss was diagnosed in January with cancer in her left breast. Her "amazing, brilliant"
doctor, Kristi Funk, of the Pink Lotus Breast
Center didn't like the look of Weiss's right
breast. She decided to biopsy both breastsluckily for Weiss, since later pathology returned a diagnosis of cancer in that breast
as well.
It wasn't the smooth process Jolie described,
however. While Jolie's surgery-which
Love
describes as "sadly mutilating"-was prophylactic and nothing went wrong, Weiss's was
urgent and a lot went wrong. Weiss developed
a raging infection after the initial lumpectomy,
which meant months of healing and prophylactic treatments before she could even have
the mastectomy and reconstruction.
Throughout it all, she kept working.
Weiss's double mastectomy was done June
24, removing all the cancerous tissue. She
says she has "never felt more feminine or more
womanly:' Her friends threw her a "Ta Ta to
my Ta-Tas" party before her surgery, but she
says she felt nothing but loathing for her
breasts. "I wanted them gone:' She's thrilled
and more
with her new breasts-smaller
appropriate to her slim build, she says. "It
was my silver lining," she laughs.
While her own positivity and strength got
her through her cancer surgeries, she credits
her lesbian relationship as well. "I could not
have gotten through this without my wife,"
she insists. "She was a rock. She was the
best mother, the best wife... With her, I could
breathe every day:'
Weiss's experience-harrowing
and painful as it has been-has a happy ending. Her
scans in July showed no sign of cancer and a
long-term drug regimen as backup will help
ensure she stays cancer free. But Weiss and
Love both know their cancer experiences
aren't the norm.
Angelina Jolie had just
revealed her breast
cancer story to the
world when Weiss was
beginning her own
battle.
''
And when Love hears stories like Angelina
Jolie's she gets angry. "How sad that all we
have to offer her is to cut off a normal body
part. That's the message that didn't get outthat the only way to save the lives of women
with this gene right now is to cut them up.
It's not good enough:'
Love also thinks the American obsession
with breasts has gotten in the way of redirecting
breast cancer treatment and research. "I did
some media [around the Jolie story J;' she
explains. "The people most horrified by her
story were the men-'Omigod, her wonderful
breasts!' But Jolie was forced by our lack of
options to choose something that has so many
side effects. This is not a benign surgery:'
Jolie escaped all those side effects Love
notes, but Weiss did not. Jolie's choice-at
only 3 7-Love says, "really shows how little
we've done and how far we have to go:'
Love's determined to get us there. She's
founded the Army of Women project in
partnership with the Avon Foundation for
Women ( they're paying for it). The goal is to
gather 1 million women (Love is currently at
just under 400,000) to study breast cancer.
Women can help fight breast cancer by
spending 10 minutes filling out the question-
naire at armyofwomen.org.
"We have to take the research into our
own hands," asserts Love. 'J\nd with thisyou don't even have to leave the couch to
participate. Join the study!"
She explains that in the past, research has
focused on who died of cancer, not on who got
cancer and didn't die. Her longitudinal study
will look at women who have had breast cancer
as well as those who haven't. Love's eagerness
to save women's lives has an urgency to it that
makes you believe we'll get there.
But what can lesbians do today to cut
their risk factors, as we wait to discover the
cause and then discover the cure:'
Weiss is working on a program to get
mammograms for women who can't afford
them."Cancer is so scary,"she says."It's silent.
We have to do the self-exams. We have to
use whatever platform we have to get women
to take control of their own health:'
Love could not agree more. In addition
to getting mammograms starting at the
age of 40, and not smoking, she says, "we
have to take care of our health in general.
Eat mostly fruits and vegetables. Don't sit
too much-sitting
is the new smoking. You
need to get up and be moving and walking.
Exercise. Stay away from radiation: Don't
have X-rays you don't need. Avoid the carcinogens. Basically, make your body as safe
as you can:'
Love believes finding the cause and the cure
for breast cancer-so that women like Weiss
don't have to fear dying at 40 and leaving their
wives and babies alone-is on the horizon.
'Tm optimistic. It is possible. We just have
to put our minds to it:'•
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
45
1! 1
C:::J
v.J
:z:
.,
Bingeing is bad-unless of
course you are referring to bingewatching Orange /s the New Black
on Netflix, this summer's most
addictive, lesbo-sexy series-a
show so good it was renewed for a
second season before we'd seen a
single episode. The series, which
chronicles the behind bars trials,
tribulations and triumphs of Piper
hapman, who is sent to prison
ears after transporting drug
y for her former girlfriend-is
n a memoir of the same
iper Kerman (pictured).
ry recently sat down
to talk about their
ated just prior to
ing the girl who
o her incarceration),
prison and what it's like
r life play out onscreen.
We have known each other for over 20 years-we dated
briefly and lived together right before you met Nora-Alex
in Orange Is the New Black-and got involved with the
illegal activities that landed you in prison. When you look
back at the person you were then, what do you see?
I see a very sheltered young woman who really, really, wanted
to get out there and have experiences that were outside of the
norm. That is the positive take on it. The downside is that I
see a person who didn't have a sense of the impact of her actions
on other people. I think that many young women don't have
a sense of the importance of their actions. I have plenty of
remorse. If I knew then what I know now I would not have
done things that had a negative effect on people I knew and
people I didn't know.
None of us thought about consequences very much back
then.
It is a natural time to take risks; the young brain is not equipped
to see the consequences.
How did getting caught and being in prison change you?
I am more resilient. I have profound gratitude toward the
people around me, my family and my partner ... people stuck
with me through a very difficult time. Also, I saw that I was
treated one way and others were treated differently. I have
much increased sensitivity and awareness of inequality. Dif
ferent Americans are treated differently by the American legal
system, depending on the color of their skin, the quality of
their diction, who they have representing them. I was able to
afford great attorneys to advocate for me. Even a really good
public defender has a very limited amount of time to spend on
their client's case.
There was a long gap between when you did the crime and
when you went to prison.
I did my offense when I was 22 or 23 and walked into prison
when 34. I knew that I was going to go to prison for six years
before I went.
Did you plan to write the book before you went?
No, I didn't have that plan. People ask ifI was writing in prison,
but no, my general focus was day~to~day survival. I wrote it all
when I came home.
What has the response to your book been and what has
surprised you most?
The most surprising response has been from the law enforce~
ment side. The book depicts a broken system. I was expecting
any response from that side to be defensive. The last thing I
expected was a positive response from prison folks. I have been
asked to speak to probation officers, the American Correctional
Association's Disproportionate Minority Confinement Task
Force-a group of wardens and prison officials. There are
people within the system who want to make things better.
You now work within advocacy for women in prison.
What do you most want people to know about what the
situation is?
I sit on the board of the Women's Prison Association, a group
that has been around since the 1840s. The WPA does direct
services for women like housing help, HIV services and family
reunification, and they fight against things like the shackling
of women in childbirth, which is allowed in most states in
the U.S.
We have the largest prison population in the world in
America-by far the most people imprisoned in human his~
tory. Most women are there for non~violent offenses. One of
the most consistent things is that many women have sexual
and physical abuse in their personal histories and a high
instance of mental health and substance abuse issues. Prison
doesn't address or fix any of these underlying issues. Our
government is making poor choices with public dollars.
The first season of Orange Is the New Black is now available on Netflix. How is it to see yourself onscreen?
It is very surreal and wonderful! The character's name is Piper
Chapman and the first episode follows some of the book very
closely. The season as a whole makes radical departures from
the book, which is necessary for a good adaptation to TV.
Taylor Schilling, who plays Piper, is doing a fantastic job and
I feel very lucky.
Jenji Cohen is a wonderful creative force. How has it been
to see her version of you?
Jenji is creating a world and a character that expand upon the
book. In her storyline she makes some very different choices. I
made plenty of mistakes when I was behind bars-but Piper
Chapman makes some doozies.
Have you been reliving the experience of being in prison?
Yes,one of the things is that they really did a great job of creating
the world of a federal prison. They captured the environment,
the sense of controlled chaos, and pointlessness. These things
come though in really smart ways, in the casting, the storylines
and production design.
How did you feel about the portrayal of lesbians in the
show?
The lesbian relationships are very important to the show. It is
a reflection of the reality of prison life. The relationships feel
true. People in prison are physical beings, and are sexual beings
like everyone else-so there is a lot of sex. There are great
lesbian characters in the show.
What about Piper's sexual storyline?
We see Piper's history. It plays out in flashbacks, including the
relationship that got her in prison in the first place. The show
depicts the fluidity of sexuality. That is something that Jenji is
really interested in. It is explored with humor and drama.
How accurately does the show portray lesbian sex?
It is orally focused. It is accurate, in other words. I mean, I don't
want to dictate what sex should be ... but yes ... it's very good.
What are you hoping will happen as an outcome of this
show?
I hope people are fascinated and obsessed by the characters
and their lives [and] have a greater recognition that people in
prison are human beings. We put millions of people in prison
and forget about them. I hope people will see that their lives
have meaning and value. It is a world that is hidden from
public view and I hope people have questions about the way
we run our criminal justice system.•
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
47
FEATURES/
PHOTOGRAPHY
APHOTOGRAPHER
CAPTURES
THE
REALITIES
OF
GENDER
IDENTITY.
BYMERRYN
JOHNS
Sophia Wallace (at left)
has everything it takes to
be a great photographer:
an eye for composition
and detail; a love of light;
an understanding of art
history; a willingness to
observe and be observed;
strength in her own
subjectivity, and a deep
compassion for others. As
a former film student, she
found working with a still
camera freeing.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
49
Her graduarte school project, "Girls Will Be Boys;'
embodied her interest in the politics of gender expres~
sion. The series drew on fine art portraiture and the
conventions of classic fashion photography to "empower
the subject, to push the boundaries of representation,
not re~create the same ways of seeing, but to open up
the possibilities of being in the world;' she says.
Wallace soon landed on the art map, exhibiting
with Catherine Opie, and in Vienna's No Fashion,
Please! Photography Between Gender and Lifestyle, in
which her work was shown alongside iconic and
incendiary image~makers such as Bruce Weber and
Leigh Bowery.
But recently, Wallace had to take a break from visual
language. "Photography is surface;' she explains in her
light~filled Brooklyn studio. "It can visually create a
longing for the norm. It's all about the beautiful and
the beautiful ugly. It does good work and harm:'
Something had been bothering her for a while. ''A
queer person is already pathologized for having non~
procreative sex;' she says. "I was up to my limit with
the representation of sex and the clit never being
represented. I couldn't stop thinking about it. After
having a three~hour conversation about the invisibil~
ity of the clit, I decided to work:'
The Cliteracy Project is an epic multimedia art
experience that challenges the misrepresentation and
invisibility of the clitoris in culture. For this project,
50
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
CLIT
Wallace put her camera down and picked up a thesaurus, traditional texts, and her own text-making
materials. It was time to fight language with language.
'"Vagina' literally means "a sheath for a sword:' Men
have the object, and we have the void. This assumption is based on false science;' she says, which has gone
on to inform language and education. "In sex ed, we
don't learn about the clitoris. Our object is like an
iceberg: Only the tip is visible:'
Society's metaphorical and literal removal of the
clitoris, she believes, is a patriarchal strategy."It becomes
possible to oppress a group if you can prove it is inferior or lacking:'
Wallace took on the law like an angry prosecutor.
"I was the clitigator;' she says, implementing her own
language. "I started with new scientific information
and drew from history, philosophy, visual culture,
representation, rights:'
She exposed myths and created new laws, rules,
definitions, factoids, and slogans. At the heart of her
new Constitution is the idea that "sexual pleasure is
an inalienable human right:'
The first work she designed was a neon sign that
read "Cliteracy;' but the sign maker she went to refused
to make it because it was "obscene:'
''I've been in the eye of the clitstorm;' she says of
the project, which has now exhibited in gallery spaces
and gone viral on the lnternet."Female genitals are the
lowest of the low in language-'cunt; 'pussy: When
you put 'clit' in the language, it changes the discussion.
I want 'cliteracy' to be in the cultural lexicon. It's fun to
cliteralize the female body as the voice, the perspective.
I appropriated the voice of authority for the clit:' She
also appropriates the sexist language of hip-hop with
her line of"clit swag;' such as tanks and tees proclaiming"There Is No Lack" and"Solid Gold Clit:'
And she gives the patriarchy a dose of its own
medicine: yes, size matters. Some of the textual panels proclaiming the power of the clitoris are huge.
"Even the tallest man is dwarfed by them;' smiles
Wallace. As for photography and the power of the
visual medium, I'm pleased to report that Wallace
has picked up her camera again.•
THE
EYE
OF
THE
CLITSTORM
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
51
A
s a child, I had a closet full of paper;'
says the painter Hilary Harkness
on her early habit of drawing. Her
grandfather was in the auto industry in Detroit,
her father worked for a paper mill, and Harkness seems to have channeled her family's sense
of industry and its eye for detail. Cognizant of
her queer identity since the age of 5, but without
a language to frame her thoughts, Harkness has
always let her vivid imagination and acute observational skills run wild. She has suffered from
insomnia since childhood, experiencing waking
fantasies and dreams that serve her well when
it comes to creating her spectacularly crowded,
colorful, and controversial canvases.
Harkness was studying biochemistry at
UC Berkeley when she started taking art
classes. The cultural landscape of San Francisco in the early 1990s inspired her with the
idea of a world inhabited by women, as did
Judy Chicago's book Through the Flower: My
Struggle as a Woman Artist. Harkness believed
there was room for her in the art world and
took herself to Paris in the summer of 1993
to learn how to paint.
When she returned, she applied to Yale
but, unfortunately, that institution did not
instantly confer on her its blessing. "I was
52
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
interviewed by the oldest tenured professor,
an old white man;' recalls Harkness. "He
said, 'Your work is boring: In the art world,
the worst insult you can give an artist is
'boring: 'Not part of the discourse' is also
pretty bad. I said, 'It's not for you, you boring old white guy!' His face turned bright
red, so I was really surprised when I got in:'
Harkness believes that it was the students
on the Admissions Committee who voted
her in, and as revenge on the professor's
attempted obstruction of her progress she
later did a painting of him "being ass-raped
by a cow:'
Don't be fooled by this artist's lovely
gamine exterior. Her aesthetic is shockingly
erotic, violent and mischievous. Since the
beginning of her career, critics have struggled to identify the relationship between
her sexuality and her work. In 2001, Ken
Johnson reviewed her first solo exhibition in
the New York Times in a pervy way: "Hilary
Harkness paints semipornographic lesbian utopias: miniature worlds populated by
doll-like, scantily clad young women belonging to all-female military organizations ...
'Neutral Vessel'...offers the cutaway view of a
submarine. Its many inner spaces ... are occu-
pied by sexy little women working, playing
and making love. In 'Shore Leave'... sailors in
white high heels, hot pants and tiny tops carry
a wounded comrade on a stretcher into the
dusky waiting room of a brothel, where glamorous women languidly pose in underwear or
evening wear:'
''
Don't be fooled by
this artist's lovely
gamine exterior. Her
aesthetic is shockingly
erotic, violent and
mischievous.
''
And in the Village Voice,Jerry Saltz wrote,
the women subjects "ooze a bitchy demonic kinkiness, which makes looking at these
paintings slippery fun:'
Harkness does tap into the dark and raunchy side of female sexuality in her work. But
while the paintings are sexy and scary, the
settings-actual
World War II battleships,
submarines, chateaux, even Rockefeller Center
and Christie's auction house-have all been
meticulously researched and reconstructed
with almost scientific detail. Harkness applies
her private mythology, sexual fantasies and
ideological interests to these settings and
the goings-on within. She asks questions
such as: Historically, are single-sex environments a factor in human cruelty? Who
truly owns the reproductive function? How
can we depict the virility of women? (The answer to that last question may be found in
"Crack of Dawn;' which depicts a woman
in camouflage-patterned
lingerie, polishing
her enormous strap-on.) There are also images
of women with assault weapons, operating
on each other, engaged in BDSM scenes, in
possession of bottled fetuses, and midwifing
themselves.
And before you decide that you'd never give
this subject matter houseroom, these small
paintings command sticker prices of around
$250,000. For a while, at the age of just 31,
Harkness was-per square inch-one of the
most highly valued artists under 40.
Enter Mary Boone, the legendary New
York art dealer (she was played by Parker
Posey in the 1996 film Basquiat) who has
buoyed the reputations and sticker prices of
generations of artists. And Harkness met her
by accident. "I crashed a dinner party. I was
following my best friend around Chelsea and
she walked into Bottino:•
"Mary makes me feel safe;' says Harkness,
who has been with Boone since 2003. "She's
the toughest businesswoman out there. As
her artist, I don't experience that:'
'Tm like a pit bull;' admits Boone, in
her prestigious gallery on Fifth Avenue.
'Tm also like a mother bear. I protect the
people I love:•
And she loves Harkness the artist. When
Boone first saw her work, she found it "very
mysterious and beautiful. Otherworldly. I'd
never seen anything like it. Of course I wanted
to show it:'
Boone has always been guided by what
she loves to look at, and in this way she is
a perfect dealer for Harkness, who is driven
by her own visual pleasure at painting the
dashing, agile, kinky femmes who populate
her canvases.
When it comes to being an artist, "being
a woman is a good thing. Being gay is also
good;' says Boone, who showed Robert
Mapplethorpe in 1973. "Being a white het-
erosexual male is the worst thing. I think
after 9 / 11 people started feeling that art had
to be relevant:'
While Boone has been identified with
male artists such as Julian Schnabel, and has
been mentored mostly by men, it's clear that
she champions female artists. She admires
Cindy Sherman, whom she considers "the
only woman with a man's career" -meaning critical recognition and financial success.
"But I didn't want to show Hilary's work
because she is a woman. It was because
I liked the work:'
As for the critics, says Boone, "So much
of the early press was weird. 'Is she a lesbian,
is she bisexuale' ... People buy Hilary's work
because they really love it:'
And Harkness loves her work too, spending sometimes a year on one painting, until
she has every millimeter of it right. What
does she hope the spectator will see in these
privately coded, public works of artr (At her
2013 retrospective at the FLAG Art Foundation, people parked themselves in front of
individual canvases and didn't move.)
"I don't know, but I wish I had seen these
paintings in high school;' she says. And so do
I. My own coming out would have been so
much the richer for them. •
0
8
u
<(
z
WJ
::e
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
53
THE
OUT
LIST
She's tough. Brusque. Abrasive. Doesn't
things done, that's why I'm getting a great
connect with people. Or so I've learned
response out there."
And while she's a minority herself,
from some media outlets about City
Council Speaker Christine Quinn. However,
she's ignoring the tactics of other special
my encounters with Quinn say otherwise.
interest groups and staying focused on the
Quinn standing by Governor Andrew
Cuomo and looking pleased as punch after
that delivers for them, that is focused on
New York State law.
them and making their lives better. That's
with everyone, when I could." She cites
the rain, going up to barriers and chatting
the jobs she brought to the Brooklyn Navy
with folks. (Not in a business suit, not with
Yard, the elimination of thousands of
masses of bodyguards, not brandishing a
housing violations in the city, and the 4,100
bullhorn. That would be Anthony Weiner.)
schoolteachers' jobs she's saved-even
"The Pride Parade is one of my favorite
when it meant opposing Mayor Bloomberg.
events of the year," she says. "One thousand
"Now that's what good government should
be about: coming together when you can ...
Quinn attending the Bronx Pride Parade
no one can agree and nothing gets done,
of the hottest days of this year. "The folks
she says, is Washington. "That's not what
up there work so hard," she says of the
New Yorkers want. With all due respect to
LGBT activists. "They are a critical part
my opponents, talk is cheap. Delivering is
of that borough. We want to make sure it
hard. I've delivered and that's what I am
gets recognized and embraced." She felt
running on."
Quinn's identity as an out gay woman is
essential to her. She's been out since the
beginning of her political career-and
Does a woman who can deliver actually intimidate the culture? Quinn isn't
and Queens.
boy-
buying it, especially after Hillary Clinton's
"amazing job" as Secretary of State. The
message she has for female voters who
cotted New York's St. Patrick's Day Parade
are sitting on the fence, on the eve of
for not allowing her to march as an out
the Nov. 5 mayoral election, is the
lesbian. "I have marched as the openly gay
message she wishes to deliver to all
Speaker of the City Council in the Dublin
New Yorkers:
St. Patrick's Day Parade, for God's sake.
That this is still a problem in New York City
makes no sense at all."
What does make sense is her refusal to
"You're picking a mayor, the mayor
of the city of New York, one of the most
important jobs in the world. So, before
you listen to what people are telling you
deny who she is. "I am a package deal. I
they want to do, find out what they've
don't show up one day dressed as an Irish
done for you already. And when you look
gal and the next day as an Irish lesbian. I
at my record, you're going to see fiscally
am never going to yield or give up until
responsible management, protecting
the totality of me, and the totality of every
core services and successfully expanding
New Yorker, is embraced everywhere in
human rights. We're going to make this city
this city."
the best place it can be, a place where we
And as to the buzz that women and
lesbians are abandoning her late in New
York City's mayoral race, "Let me tell you,"
she says, "I couldn't be more gratified by
2013
always getting it done." The place where
(in the city's toughest borough), on one
equally embraced at parades in Brooklyn
OCTOBER
what I've done, and that's meant working
Parade alongside her wife, Kim Cattullo, in
strong, marching down Fifth Avenue."
CURVE
"I believe that people want government
she's helped pass marriage equality into
Quinn marching in the New York Pride
54
bigger picture.
have progress for everyone."
And if a dude is elected, instead of
Quinn?
"I am going to become the next mayor
the support I am getting from women and
of New York City," she declares. "I'm never
the LGBT community. It's easy for people to
going to bow or break when the future of
criticize. It's hard to get things done. I get
our families lies in the balance."
QUINN CAMPAIGN
ALL FIREDUP
Fiona Dawson advocates for human equality.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
authorized openly serving LGB personnel.
This workplace gender discrimination
How many times can a woman come
felt inauthentic. "I perceive gender, like
affects everyone and if we can achieve
out? For Fiona Dawson, there is no limit.
sexual orientation, on a continuum and
equality in the military we can achieve
She came out of an abusive heterosexual
I am attracted to people, regardless of
equality elsewhere."
marriage. Then she came out as a lesbian.
where they identify themselves," she says,
"I finally recognized I did not deserve to
"and so last year I re-labeled myself as
U.K.'s National Health Service, providing
be treated the way I was in my marriage,
bisexual."
free healthcare to citizens and visitors, is
Dawson, whose parents worked for the
The former HRC board member is helm-
inspired to help others. "I care ridiculously
She came "flying out of the closet" and
ing a video series to eradicate intolerance.
about human beings. My passion is to do
took her work for equality to a new level
Through Martian Entertainment this
good for the world and be the most fab-
in Houston, Texas, where she had settled
vivacious host of #WhotheFcares covers
ulous, authentic, bisexual-ciswoman that
from her native Britain. But more insight
stories that promote equality, build com-
I can possibly be. Our sexual orientation
was to come. "I became brutally honest
passion, and change hearts and minds.
and gender identity are not a choice, but
and I realized I was gay," Dawson says.
with myself, again," she says.
While Dawson had chosen the lesbian
Her latest project focuses on trans in the
military. "Trans military personnel are still
being authentic is.
"Coming out requires courage, but it's
label, it was the only reason she would
not protected. In fact, it has always been
worth it. And you find there are actually
thousands of people feeling the same.
rule out going on a date with a guy. And
and continues to be perfectly legal to 'Ask'
to this human rights campaigner, who
if they are trans and fire them. However,
All it takes is for one person to admit
champions causes from caring for HIV
the U.K. has accepted transgender service
their truth and all of a sudden that
positive babies to transgender rights-that
members since 1999, which is before they
courage is infectious."
LABOROF LOVE
Pam Sheffer is making the
Bible Belt safe for LGBT youth.
BY MANDY WILSON
Plenty of things come to mind when one
thinks of Nashville: good music, good
food, good ol' Southern hospitality. It's a
big city with a small-town feel. But does
this warm neighborliness reach across
boundaries to people of all orientations
and identities? "Gay-friendly" is not
usually a term one associates with this
self-proclaimed
"buckle" of the Bible
Belt. What kind of effect does this Bible
Belt mindset have on the region's LGBT
youth? Thanks to people like Pam Sheffer,
a steady growth in acceptance, education
and understanding is emerging.
In 2010, Sheffer decided to end her
Oasis Center, approximately 30 percent
of the young people that we see in our
city's LGBT youth and teens.
Sheffer also offers educational train-
career in corporate insurance and begin a
crisis shelter, street outreach center, and
ing to those who routinely work with
grassroots effort to organize a safe space
transitional living program identify as
young people. "Providing progressive
for Nashville's LGBT youth. By July 2011,
LGBT,supporting the national average."
professional development is essential
the Just Us program was launched as part
One primary challenge in Nashville has
to changing the climate for LGBT youth
of the Oasis Center, a local organization
been placing LGBT youth in foster care.
throughout the country," she says. "If
that has successfully served the city's
There has been a lack of willingness
adults who are working with young peo-
youth for over four decades. Just Us goes
from resource families to accept them.
ple as a profession are serving the needs
beyond providing safe spaces and strives
Determined to change those statistics,
of LGBT youth exactly the same way as
to create cultural change in eight target
Sheffer contacted 28 of the region's open
they are serving the needs of non-LGBT
areas: self-acceptance and empowerment,
and affirming faith communities. "The
youth, then the message of equality
safe and accepting schools, family accep-
Department of Children's Services [DCS]
becomes the norm."
tance, peer and adult education, pursuit
has contacted us in the past seeking
of civil and human rights, support from
assistance for LGBT youth," she says.
the faith community, access to quality
"Additionally, several faith communities
Sheffer and her allies are making sure
healthcare and access to safe housing.
have reached out looking for ways to
that the community is moving in the right
The South may be a step behind
when it comes to social issues, but Pam
plug into our work at Just Us." The result
direction. Kathy Halbrooks, the president
Nashville is on a par with the rest of the
of this collaboration
of PFLAG Nashville, says, "I know Pam
country. Sheffer states, "Of the 1.6 million
ing success. There are now 20 new
searched her heart to find her calling, one
homeless youth in America, 20 to 40
families in the Nashville area working
that would make a difference in the world,
percent of them identify as LGBT. At the
with DCS to provide housing for the
and she makes that difference every day."
The number of homeless LGBT youth in
was an overwhelm-
THE
OUT
LIST
COMING OUT DIY STYLE
Grace Bonney is crafty, queer and wants you to know it.
BY ELIZABETH NGUYEN
design community and to discuss issues
that queer women and trans folks face.
She hopes that these efforts will encourage more openly queer designers. "There
Last June, on her 32nd birthday, blogger
businesswomen in her Biz*Ladies series,
are plenty of gay people in the design
Grace Bonney gave herself and her readers
which gathers women to share infor-
community, they're just not out about it,"
a very special gift. The creator of the
mation, advice and experiences and to
Bonney says. "Who you are informs what
popular Design*Sponge website writes, "So
combat the sexism of the industry. She's
you make and what inspires you. If you're
today I wanted to take a moment to proudly
also expanding her radio show to do an
a queer artist, that's a huge part of who
share with you the full story of who I am.
interview series on LGBT members of the
you are as well."
I'm the daughter of loving parents, Chris
and Elaine, I'm a blogger, a Southerner, a
hopeless lover of animals, patterns and
anything shiny-and
I'm also gay."
While the design industry has no shortage of proud gay men, out lesbians are
scarcer. But times are changing-Bonney
explains that, as someone who has always
been honest with readers about her
personal life, staying in the closet just felt
weird so coming out was the natural answer.
"I didn't really need people to accept it. I
kind of just wanted them to know the full
picture of who I am," she says.
Bonney recounts her lesbian history: she
started falling in love with best friends in
middle school, but her Virginian family
pressured her to stifle her feelings. Later,
she shelved her personal life in favor of
running her business. Finally, after two
years of a difficult marriage, she could no
longer hide who she was. She's been out
to friends and family ever since.
Being true to herself has paid off in
both her personal and professional life.
A star in the DIY design world, Bonney
attributes the popularity of her near
10-year-old blog to its deep focus on her
personal interests. "I really believe in being
exactly who you are and not trying to be
everything to everybody. I always focus
on trying to produce content [based] on
things that I really love personally and
nothing else. Most biogs will try to cover
everything
because I think there's a
theory that will give you the most
amount of readers; but I'd rather have
a smaller number of readers that are
much more engaged."
Bonney is also passionate about making
the design community more inclusive and
safe. She acts as a mentor to upcoming
58
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
AN OPEN BOOK
Rebecca Walker is out about sexual-and
literary-fluidity. BY JENNY BLOCK
TIME magazine called her one of the 50 most influential American leaders under 40. She's written books
on everything from feminism, to race, to motherhood.
And she is a champion of love of all kinds, including
non-traditional families and relationships.
Her name is Rebecca Walker and now her activism has moved from non-fiction writing to a new
novel Ade: A Love Story, which she calls "quite
autobiographical."
Walker, who is the daughter of Alice Walker, author
of The Color Purple, was compelled to write a novel
because she "felt the need to express feelings I could
not capture through simple retelling. My memory was
not big enough, not vivid enough, to transmit the
intensity of the experience. Giving myself the freedom
to depart from reality was extraordinary. My world
grew bigger, and my creativity was sparked in an
exciting way."
Although the novel is ultimately the love story of
Ade and Farida, a man and a woman, it is also the story
of two women. Their relationship is a familiar and compelling one and Walker dives deeply and intimately
into it. Why? Because, Walker says, "it's pivotal."
"Without Miriam there would have been no Ade.
Miriam is the portal. She provides Farida a way into
a new world; without her attraction and devotion to
Miriam, Farida would not have left the continent. She
would not have transgressed cultural expectations.
But even more, Miriam engages Farida's sensuality
and teaches her how to surrender to another person,
idea, place. Farida discovers herself by following the
call of the erotic. Miriam is the one who hands her
the phone."
Walker, who has written autobiographically about her
own sexual fluidity, most recently for Marie Claire magazine, continues her commitment to giving greater voice
and visibility to the fluidity of race, gender and sexuality.
"Farida is certainly comfortable with the fluidity of her
sexuality, and yet for her the boundaries, the things
that get in the way of love, are bigger than anatomy or
gender. This book looks at the question of fluidity from a
more geopolitical or cultural point of view."
Because Walker was once in a relationship with
singer Meshell Ndegeocello but is now married to a
man, people are constantly trying to get her to identify
one way or another, with various groups claiming her
or rejecting her at different times. But Walker says that
these days she's more concerned about "whether I can
be bi-literary."
"The forms are so different, and I have tremendous
respect for the novel, and the fiction writers who
have so honed their craft within the genre. I hope my
readers will come with me on this new journey, and
will accept a similar, though different, voice."
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
59
HIGH COURT HIGH
Roberta Kaplan makes history.
felt euphoria. "I feel like the guy in the
Chagall paintings who is always floating,"
ev v1c10R1A A. BROWNWORTH
she explains. "The victory in the case"she pauses to find the word "-is thrilling."
Roberta Kaplan isn't a household name
be a lawyer. She did and she is. A partner
yet-but
in the litigation department
she will be. Kaplan is the attor-
of Paul,
While Kaplan didn't know Windsor
personally, she "knew who she was. She
ney who took the case no one wanted,
Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, The
lives four blocks from here. She was
that of 84-year-old Edith Windsor who
National Law Journal listed her among
indignant about the injustice." Kaplan
owed the government $363,053 in estate
the "100 Most Influential Lawyers." And
describes Windsor's story as "the story of
taxes when her wife Thea Spyer died,
she has been touted as one of the top
gay history in America. In the 1950s when
because her marriage wasn't recognized
"40 Under 40."
she was working for the Atomic Energy
by the feds.
Now 46, she is succinct about her job: "I
"It was pretty clear-cut to me," Kaplan
love being a lawyer, I love what I do."
Commission, she had to have special
clearance and she was afraid that someone would ask her about being gay."
asserts of the case she took on pro bona
Kaplan and her wife have a 7-year-old
(Lambda Legal and the ACLU also partic-
son, a 1-year-old dog and the Manhattan
ipated.) "Edie got a tax bill for being gay.
apartment where she, her wife, Windsor
You don't get more unequal than that."
and Ariel Levy of The New Yorker got the
arguing the case. "Not a single conserva-
news of the SCOTUS decision.
tive justice asked a question," she says,
Kaplan argued United States v. Windsor
before the U.S. Supreme Court. The
"We knew that in order to win, our case
Fast-forward more than a half-century and
Kaplan was standing before the SCOTUS,
with a laugh. "They knew if they did, they'd
SCOTUS ruling found Section 3 of DOMA
had to be first," she explains, of the two
have to provide a rationale for DOMA and
to be unconstitutional
marriage cases before the court (the other
there wasn't one. No justification for what
involved the constitutionality
was done to Edie."
under the Due
Process Clause of the Fifth Amendment.
Down-to-earth
and unprepossessing,
of California's
Prop. 8). "And we knew [Justice Anthony]
It turned out to be a defining moment in
Kaplan has a warmth that belies her
Kennedy had to write it. When we heard it
U.S. legal history. "DOMA was the last law
stature as a world-class attorney who
was Kennedy, we knew."
on the books that mandates discrimination
When the ruling was read Kaplan and
against gay people by the federal govern-
important cases in history for lesbian and
Windsor watched the TV news "screaming
ment simply because they are gay," says
gay Americans. She grew up in Cleveland
and crying and jumping up and down."
Kaplan. "And now it's done. Dead, done.
and at 10 wanted to go to Harvard and
Since that June 26 decision, Kaplan has
Game over."
prepared and argued one of the most
LEADEROF THE PACK
Kathy Wolfe's LGBT home video empire.
BY ADAM L. BRINKLOW
After 18 years in advertising, Kathy Wolfe finally
figured out what she wanted to do in life: anything
else. "It was around my 40th birthday and I said
to myself, this is just not satisfying me, I have to
find something more fulfilling," Wolfe says. For the
college art teacher turned reluctant ad woman,
fulfillment meant starting Wolfe Video.
Founded in 1985 as a mail-order video service
for LGBT-themed films-a
rarity at the time-Wolfe
Video is now one of the largest and most influential
distributors of gay and lesbian-themed media in
America. But it began, oddly enough, with public
access TV.
"I started making some musical programs and
documentaries about feminism," Wolfe says of her
first, fitful attempts to find a less dreary career path.
"People wanted to buy my work so I thought, oh, I
should get a business license. I got one under the
name Kathy Wolfe Video, and that's how it started."
Buyers liked Wolfe's videos so much that they
asked her to furnish other people's work too. "I
would sell my movies to women's bookstores
and they'd say, 'Can you get that k.d. lang concert
for us?' I could easily have said no, but I said
yes anyway."
Home-video distribution as a business actually
seemed a little crazy at the time. Wolfe guesses that
only about 20 percent of homes were even in the
video market. "I don't think anyone thought it was a
good idea but me."
But the potential was there, and Wolfe recalls an
environment eerily similar to the later, heady start
of the dot-com boom. "It was the dawn of the VCR,
and I thought it was going to become an incredibly
powerful tool, especially for niche demographics."
More than 20 years later, of course, in-home
movie watching is ubiquitous. Almost too much so,
in Wolfe's opinion, as she's now making Wolfe Video
her dog in a particularly contentious fight: combating digital piracy, which she says has a devastating
effect on the LGBT film market.
"Even though our films may only reach 10 or
20 percent of people, the filmmakers have to pay
as much as anyone else to make a movie," Wolfe
explains. "They borrowed that money from their
grandparents or put it on their credit card. If you
pirate that movie, you might as well put a knife in
their hearts, because they're never going to make a
movie again."
That's why Wolfe video joined the Pay to Play
campaign, reminding gays and lesbians that pride
isn't just a word; sometimes you have to put your
money where your mouth is.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
61
THE
OUT
LIST
BERLINBUTCH
Manuela Kay, proud pornographer
and publishing pioneer. sv KARIN scHUPP
"I was looking at pictures of my teenage self the other day.
I was one grim, angry tomboy," Manuela Kay says, laughing.
"But you could tell I'd be a fierce lesbian one day!"
And a fierce lesbian she has become. Last year, the
Berlin-based journalist purchased Special Media SDL,
Germany's leading LGBT publishing house, when its previous owner retired. Kay and her business partner, Gudrun
Fertig-both
former editors-in-chief-are
now among
the few lesbian executives in LGBT media, which is still a
male-dominated
business.
"We had to make sure our three magazines, and the solid,
independent journalism we're known for, survived," explains
Kay, who has been working for Special Media SDL since
1996. In 2003, she helped to launch and develop L-MAG,
Germany's only national lesbian magazine. "With L-MAG, we
have increased lesbian visibility on every newspaper stand,
showing that being lesbian is fun and sexy," she says of the
magazine, which celebrated its 10th anniversary this year.
The passionate Harley Davidson aficionado has been a
"professional lesbian" for most of her adult life. She's worked
for a gay radio show, written several books on lesbian issues,
and has been a longtime staff member "for all things queer"
at the traditionally gay-friendly Berlin International Film
Festival, where she's juried its official LGBT award, the Teddy.
To this day, Kay is a regular guest and jury member at LGBT
film festivals worldwide, and is a programmer for Berlin's
queer Pornfilmfestival, which she co-founded in 2006. This
year, the self-declared "feminist butch lesbian" became a
poster child for tolerance toward minorities, appearing in
a nationwide ad campaign sponsored by UNESCO and a
German TV network.
Born and raised in Berlin, Kay became an activist shortly
after coming out at the age of 15. "After all, this was 1979,"
she says, "the heyday of the German peace movement and
women's lib. I went to demonstrations all the time anyway, so
Gay Pride fit in just perfectly."
More than 30 years later, Kay hasn't slowed down ("My
secret-lots
of sleep, lots of sex," she jokes), but is not
happy with the state of the LGBT movement. "These days,
everyone wants to marry," she complains, voicing her strong
opposition to the institution. "And lesbians love to wear their
hair long. I, for my part, like it when you can tell someone's
lesbian just by looking at them. That way, you feel like you're
part of the same gang right off the bat."
Adapting to heterosexual norms is definitely not Kay's
thing. "What I want is change," she says. "Not the desire
to be accepted by straight society by imitating them, but
fighting for more and diverse lifestyle choices."
Kay knows that she sometimes rubs people the wrong
way, but she's never been a people pleaser. "Luckily, I have
strong allies. I'm not alone in this. But I've always done what
I wanted. I've never felt the need to adapt. I've always lived a
very free life."
FROM WALLSTREETTO MAIN STREET
Amy Siskind's agenda for empowering women will make a
difference for generations to come. BYVICTORIA
A.BR0WNW0RTH
girls, including economic empowerment.
"We do programming for college and
millennial women," she says. "We want to
steer those women in the right direction, toward careers with advancement,
Amy Siskind has the kind of resume that
"My experience on Wall Street was very
where women can make money and be
independent."
makes CEOs lean in. Snapped up by Wall
positive," she says. "It was, being honest,
Street after she got her B.A. in economics
hard for me to leave. Financially, I could
She also stresses the importance of
from Cornell, she completed her M.B.A.
leave. The stress level was pretty high,
female networks. The New Agenda has a
in finance and international business from
running a department-the
NYU's prestigious Stern School of Business
power. But I was on a path to wind down
while she was working for National
to be with my kids-it was a culmination of
Day with all ages, races, economic back-
Westminster Bank.
events. I'm a big believer of following signs
grounds of women. Their Womensphere
After that came a series of top-flight
investment banking firms. Her last position
was as a principal at Morgan Stanley, head-
money, the
Mother-Daughter event in November as
well as a National Girlfriends Networking
in your life. I went on vacation in August
Global Summit is also about drawing in all
[2008] and I never went back."
generations of women.
All of 2008 had been a sign for Siskind.
"Check out #SHEvolution," she says.
"We are in Fourth Wave feminism now. Ten
ing her own department. But after 20 years
Deeply involved in Hillary Clinton's run
on Wall Street, Siskind says it was time for
for president she was, like so many other
percent of women are gay women. What's
a change. Or time to create some.
American women, enraged by Hillary's
our focus? How about the huge wage gap
treatment in the media.
for lesbians? What about intimate partner
Since 2008, Siskind, a 46-year-old mother
of two teenagers, has been president of
"The double standard was unbelievable,"
violence? Abortion is not our issue. We can
The New Agenda, a 501(c)(4) organization
she asserts. "It was as if the media thought
be concerned about it for other women,
dedicated to improving the lives of women
she didn't have a right to be running. It was
but we need to focus on ourselves."
and girls by bringing about systemic
outrageous and I was determined that it
change in the media, at the workplace,
was never going to happen again."
at school and at home. She is as dogged
The New Agenda was formed the day
Siskind is convinced that lesbians can
gain economic, social and political power.
She's also convinced that the next presi-
about putting women and girls front-and-
after Hillary withdrew from the presiden-
dent of the U.S. will be a woman. "If women
center as she was about making money
tial race.
support other women, everything else will
flow on Wall Street.
Siskind wants more for women and
take care of itself."
QUEERBEAUTYQUEEN
Kara Mitchell takes the crown for
LGBT activism. BY ELIZABETH NGUYEN
Like the beauty queens that came before her, Kara
Mitchell took the stage in donning an elegant evening
gown, strutting her stuff in swimwear and displaying
her talent-but
when it came to a personal story and
desire to help her community, Mitchell was a singular
beauty. The 23-year-old is one of the first out lesbians
to compete in the Miss America pageant and scholarship fund. Last June, she represented Cuyahoga
County in her bid for the Miss Ohio crown. For
Mitchell it was the perfect opportunity to represent
her community.
Mitchell's platform "Just Ask Me" seeks to celebrate
diversity by hosting dialogues for queer youth and
their struggling parents; she dives right into the heart
of the issue by speaking from personal experience.
"One of the reasons I do it is because there are
not a lot of [queer] role models who are young,"
says Mitchell who came out at age 14. Her mother
initially had a very difficult time accepting her sexual
orientation, and today continues to struggle with
her daughter's lesbian identity. Still, she was in the
audience, cheering when Mitchell proved herself an
advocate for the LGBT community.
While she faced some homophobia during her
three years in the pageant industry, Mitchell has also
received plenty of respect and gratitude, too. Judges,
fellow contestants and members of her community
have stepped out to show their appreciation. "When I
won my first title ...one of the students on [my college]
campus sent me a message on Facebook and she
was like, I so appreciate what you're doing because
I'm trying to come out to my family right now. I'm
black, and I feel like it's harder because my family has
such strong ties to religion and they're not going to
be receptive to me, but knowing that you did it and
how you came out of it makes me more confident to
do about myself."
Mitchell has a proven ability to remain graceful
under pressure. On the first day of her Miss Ohio
competition alone, her host's house lost power, she
injured her wrist during a rehearsal and threw out her
back while dancing in the talent portion of the competition-and
to top it off, the zipper of her evening
gown broke. "I kept getting thrown curveball after
curveball," she says. Still, she placed in the Top 10.
"You would have thought that I won the whole entire
pageant ...! sat down on the stage, I had my hands up
in my face. I was so excited. I started crying."
While Mitchell was not awarded the top prize she
walked away with a different kind of win: performing in
front of her mother. "I think she respects the fact that
I try to advocate for [my] community," says Mitchell.
"She raised me to be a woman of character and to
stand up for myself."
HITTING THE SWEETSPOT
A blow to the temple ignites film director Stacie Passon.
BY KATHLEEN WILKINSON
both economically and sexually, Passon,
who has been happily married for 20
years, insists that gay people will find
renovates a loft in Manhattan, and, after
new ways to inhabit the institution. "Being
ball was a wake-up call for Stacie Passon.
paying for a couple of sexual liaisons, begins
people who fight against any kind of
And her moment of clarity came after she
turning tricks with women.
imprisonment ...we are going to open it up.
Getting hit in the head with a speeding base-
unleashed a torrent of anger on her 8-yearold son, who had thrown the offending
This timely and sensitive exploration of
I think it's very important for people to have
lesbian marriage is hitting, as the director
their own money. I think it's very important to have independence. I think it's very
missile: "I was kind of pathetic. Why was I
puts it, the "sweet spot" with audiences
getting mad at a poor little boy for how I felt
at film festivals worldwide, from Cannes
important to be sexually satisfied. I think
about my life?"
and Berlin to Sundance and Frameline. To
that gay people will change marriage and, I
Passon'sexcitement, Concussion was picked
think, for the better."
What the 41-year-old filmmaker chose to
do about her dissatisfactions was to write
up by Weinstein's company RADiUs-TWC
and then direct the wildly successful inde-
within 48 hours of its Sundance screening,
pendent film Concussion. And, yes, art does
and opens theatrically this month.
With a Cheshire grin guarding the secrets
of her own marital success, she adds, "I
think people will accept themselves more
for who they are and what their particular
seem to imitate life in the opening scene,
It explores the universal sense of being
in which the lead character, Abby, gets hit
trapped, especially post-40. Stifled by the
fetishes and peccadilloes are. I think we'll be
in the head with a speeding baseball. But
drudgery of being a stay-at-home mom,
a less intense, repressed world"
Abby's predicament is an emotionally and
Abby seeks a way to reclaim her sexuality
physically unfulfilling marriage (to a woman),
and self. Passon rejects the idea that it's a
partner, Rose Troche, will be working on a
and the panacea she chooses is sex work.
lesbian bed death film. "Lesbian bed death
second feature film and the pilot for a TV
It's a brilliant plot device, and audiences will
presupposes that they're both not into it
series. "Fortune favors the bold," as the say-
be intrigued by the adventures of an afflu-
anymore. This woman is sexually hungry.
ing goes, and Passon's midlife risk-taking,
ent, suburban mother trapped in a marriage
She's been sexually abandoned."
that isn't working. Abby (Robin Weigert)
Noting that marriage can be a prison,
Up next, Passon and her producing
launched by a boy's unharnessed arm, has
catapulted her to international acclaim.
FEATURES/COVER
STORY
TigNotaro
Gets the Last Laugh
How the out comic turned tragedy into comic gold.
BY VICTORIA
N
A. BROWNWORTH
I PHOTOS BY ROBIN ROEMER
othing stops Mathilde"Tig"Notaro.
The comic and actor is not one to
sit still and wait for things to happen. Take, for instance, how, when she was
just starting out in the L.A. comedy scene,
she would rush from one end of the city to
the other just for the chance to do a five-minute
set at an open mic night-without
a car. If
you've spent even a day in Los Angeles, you
know what a challenge that is. America's
most sprawling city is a web of highways,
four-lane boulevards, hills and valleys that
go on forever. But that daunting topography
didn't stop Notaro. She would ride her bike
from gig to gig-her bike.
She's also a multitasker: The day of our
interview, she was driving (she has a car
now) to get her mail as we talked. Time is of
the essence, you see. But then, nearly dying
several times in several different ways in the
space of a few months will do that to you-
there is a sudden desire to make every second
count. And she does.
If you aren't familiar with Notaro's comedy, her specialty is a unique, long-form
routine involving stories that are so offthe-charts funny that the first time I heard
her do one (her now-infamous
Taylor
Dayne routine), I thought I would literally
die laughing.
On August 3, 2012, Notaro told one of
these extraordinary tales-a stunning routine ripped from her life. The audience was
in shock as the comic stepped on stage at
Largo in L.A. and explained that she'd just
been diagnosed with breast cancer in both
breasts.
Just as in only-days-before just.
For someone as driven as Notaro, if she
has a story to tell, she has to tell it.
The day after her set, she was getting
calls from all over. It seems that Louis C.K.
had gone on Twitter to talk about her, and
Notaro was unprepared for the power of
social media.
Louis C.K. tweeted, "In 27 years doing
this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful stand-up sets. One was Tig Notaro
last night at Largo:' It was, Louis C.K. would
say later, when he put the audio of her set up
on his website, "instantly legendary:' (Notaro's set that night is now available on iT unes
and on CD.)
The irony about the T witterverse response
is that Notaro says her main concern in
talking about having cancer was that she
wouldn't get work. "It was just really funny;'
she says. "I was talking to my manager days
before and asking, like, 'How are we going to
keep this a secretr'"
But she soon realized her cancer wouldn't
stay a secret. She tested the waters in the
July 31 episode of her "Professor Blastoff"
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
67
FEATURES/COVER
STORY
podcast by announcing that she had cancer.
Factual, a little wry, but not really humorous.
She said, "About a year ago, I noticed what
would be a lump in my teat, and I have been
just thinking of course that it's nothing. A
week or two ago, I went in [to the doctor]
to get my first mammogram. I'm 41. I guess
I should have started last year. So I went in
and got the mammogram and the results
were abnormal. Go in for a follow-up, and
I was told the follow-up would take 30 or
45 minutes at most, and yesterday I spent
the entire day in the hospital while they ran
numerous tests. The doctor came in and she
was clearly a highly intelligent, kind, but very
concerned person. And when I was going
through the tests all day yesterday, part of
me thought there was a misunderstanding ...
based on already being hospitalized with a
deadly illness, and my mother dying, there
was just no way they were going to come in
and tell me anything but, 'OK, everything
looks great!' And the doctor came in and her
tone was very scary. And she said 'OK, so, we
have found something in both breasts: After
all the explanation, I said, 'Wait a minute, are
you telling me that I possibly have cancer?'
And she said, 'Well, we have to get biopsies
done, but from what I can see, with all the
testing we've done, it is very probable that
you do, in both breasts, yes:"
That was on a Tuesday. By the weekend,
Notaro was on at Largo.
So how did she feel when she stepped on
stage knowing she was going to share her
diagnosis:' "I thought it was going to be
a disaster," Notaro admits. "Everything in
my life had fallen apart and I had no idea
what was going to happen next. I thought,
This could be the end of my life! And I loved
stand-up and I could see myself going into
surgery and things just falling apart:'
Notaro had good reason to think things
would not go well for her. As she explained
to the audience in her set at Largo, in the
space of four months she'd had double
pneumonia, then she'd gotten C.diff, a rare,
life-threatening, intestinal infection caused
by the antibiotics she'd received for the
pneumonia. The already slender Notaro
had lost 20 pounds from the C.diff and was
"raw and weak:'
But that wasn't all. Her mother had suffered a freak accident, a fall at her home, and
68
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2013
she'd died suddenly as a result of her injuries.
And then Notaro's girlfriend-overwhelmed
by everything-broke
up with her.
That's what Notaro took up on stage with
her at Largo. If you find yourself laughing
nervously, and saying, "Omigod, no?;' then you
could have been in the audience that night,
when she opened her set with, "Good evening.
Hello. Thank you. Thank you. I have cancer.
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As Notaro talks about that night, she
describes what happened in the audience.
"It was quite a mix of responses;' she says.
"There were people who looked shocked,
and people who were just flat-out laughing
hysterically, and there were people who were
crying. I had no expectations about how people would respond, but it was good. It was
definitely good:'
But why talk about cancer:' "I didn't feel
like not talking about ir;' she says succinctly,
adding, "It was a major chance that I took.
The audience was so great. It was a whole
new experience. In stand-up and in life I take
my own advice, and my own advice is, do
what you want-and
I wanted to do this, to
try this out, to see what would happen:'
She explains how going with your gut
in comedy-and
in life-is vital. "Putting
restraints on yourself and who you are is so
debilitating. For me, if I have a story to tell, I
have to tell it. Physical comedy, one-liner, or
15-minute story, I'm going to do it. What I
have to say-my point of view-is going to
come through:'
But Notaro is not oblivious to her audience, either. "You really can tell how it all is
going;' she says, "by how they respond:'
There's a point in the 30-minute cancer
routine where everything is very quiet, and
Notaro, who has been interacting with the
audience throughout, telling them it's going
to be all right, asks if she should switch over
to her regular routine and tell a few standard
jokes. A man in the audience yells, "No!. ..
This is fucking amazing ... It's beautiful. Do.
Not. Stop:'
So she continues on: "Thank you. Now
I feel bad that I don't have more tragedy to
share;' and everyone laughs wildly-through
tears no doubt.
Until her serious run of truly terrible
bad luck, she was "doing great:' Her career
was moving along well. She was a regular
contributor to NPR'.s award-winning This
American Life. She had appeared on Conan,
to very positive reviews. She'd performed on
Comedy Central. She'd been on her friend
Sarah Silverman's show, as a lesbian police
officer. She was planning on heading to New
York to work on Amy Schumer's show. And
she was doing stand-up literally everywhere.
Comedy is what Notaro has always been
drawn to. She says, "I was always interested
in doing it, I always wanted to try it our:'
The excitement in her voice rises as she
says, "It was even better than I had hoped.
It was such a rush, and it felt so good to
do, and I've just been obsessed with it, ever
since I was a kid:' Audience laughter, she
says, is exhilarating. "As soon as they laugh,
you remember, 'Oh, that's what I'm doing
this for:"
Stopping is not in Notaro's future plans.
After her "year in hell;' she asserts, 'Tm oddly
well:' She laughs a little and explains that
this didn't happen overnight. In fact, it was
a hellishly long struggle. But now, she says,
'Tm almost totally back to normal. It's been
a long road, but my health is great. I have a
pretty strict diet that I cheat on pretty regularly. I just saw the oncologist yesterday. I'm
beginning a new treatment in a few weeks
that will last for the next five years and is
more security that I'm taking care of myself:'
Notaro takes a deep breath, pauses, and
says, "Things were so bad for so long. I didn't
know if I was dying. I didn't know what the
next step was:' She wishes she'd had her
mother's support through the diagnosis
and the treatments, but she is also glad her
mother didn't have to go through it with her.
"She was a very emotional person:' Her loss
FEATURES/COVER
STORY
hangs in the air for a moment.
Notaro doesn't mention the ex-girlfriend,
but says, 'Tm dating. I'm not in a committed relationship, but I'm dating:' Then she
voices what so many cancer survivors fear: "I
thought my life was going to change and I
was going to be considered damaged goods.
But I'm alive in the world and meeting people.
It's been nice to find that having scars across
my chest doesn't matter:'
The fact that her cancer routine has gone
viral has helped with that. "I don't have to
explain a lot. It's pretty out-there. I mean,
there are people who don't know, but I talk
about it:'
Notaro is not traveling as much as she
once did, but has a regular schedule of appearances in L.A. She's enjoying her new normal.
"It's not that everything was bad, but now
everything is good. It's a process. But I'm in
such a good place. I was in New York and
doing a lot of appearances. I have a lot of new
material. I'm writing a book. I'm working on
a TV show-it's being tossed around and
talked about and it's in the early stages of
developing the idea. A documentary is being
made about me right now, about my year
following my run of hell:'
The future seems bright-and
busy.
Notaro has been refining her new material
by popping into comedy clubs unannounced
and trying it out. She has a program planned
on Showtime with the Canadian comic Jon
Dore. And the hit series InsideAmy Schumer,
for which Notaro is a writer and sometimes
an actor, has been picked up for a second series.
She's alive and well. Life is opening up wide
for Notaro, who admits, "Now I am having to
turn things down. It's embarrassing-it's just
so good:'•
70
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2013
TURES/
TRAVEL
W
hen you're seeking romance
and relaxation, adventure and
the great outdoors, the second-largest Hawaiian Island has it all. Leaving
Kahului Airport, I felt the humid evening
air caress my face, hopped into my Mustang
convertible (supplied by Budget Rent-ACar), and knew that I was in paradise.
WHERE TO STAY
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Gay-owned and -operated Maui Sunseeker
LGBT Resort (mauisunseeker.com) is the
only establishment of its kind on the
island. It literally flies the rainbow flagand was chosen by Beth Ditto and Kristen
Ogata as the place to get married. And it's
no wonder. An easy drive from the airport,
Maui Sunseeker enjoys a beachfront setting
and an upscale yet homey ambience.
Perfect for a lesbian wedding party. The
penthouse, with its huge balcony, feels
like a house, and is a great choice for
those wanting to self-cater and spend
time exploring the island at a local's pace.
Whatever kind of accommodation you
choose here, and there are options, Maui
Sunseeker offers privacy and community,
with a daily Happy Hour for guests on
a private rooftop deck. Michael Waddell
and the boys are lesbian-loving gay men
who will make you feel at home, and mix
you a fine Mai Tai to help you get into the
Maui mood.
T ravaasa Hana ( travaasa.com/hana) is
something different, and favors couples
without kids. Set on a rambling plantation
in a more remote part of the island, this
resort may be a splurge, but it's a perfect
choice if this is your honeymoon or annual
vacation and you want to enjoy every
blissful minute with your ladylove. The
private bungalows are beautifully yet simply decorated and include large private
decks with ocean views-many
have an
eastern vantage point, so you'll see the sun
rise from behind a headland framed by
gently arching palm trees. The amenities
include an in-ground pool with stunning
views of the dramatic and rocky coastline,
manicured lawns and tropical gardens, a
romantic onsite restaurant, a healing center
with yoga classes, tennis courts and golf
cart transportation at your beck and call.
The best part? Perhaps it's Honua Spa,
with its outdoor lava rock Jacuzzi. Or perhaps it's the complimentary Happy Hour
for guests and staff. Or the fact that your
tip is always included. The staff is simply
lovely, and their contentment adds to the
tranquility of the place.
Makena Golf & Beach Resort is the
place to go if you want to have everything
at your fingertips (makenaresortmaui.com).
This hotel has all the amenities you'd expect
from a big commercial property, including
several choices for fine dining, and hosts
food-and-wine-tasting events with guest
sommeliers, another enticement to stay on
the property; and it serves what is probably the best breakfast buffet on the island.
Makena has its own private beach, so you
can leave your room, throw your towel
down, and start soaking up the Maui sunshine. Plus, you can organize your outrigger
canoe and snorkeling excursions right at
the hotel's beach shack.
Peninsula, with its spectacular shoreline
featuring lava pinnacles, taro patches, an
old Hawaiian village, and a church built
in 1856, offers picturesque insights into
the past. The quiet little town of Ke'anae
is legendary for its taro farming, which has
been passed down through multiple generations. Wai'anapanapa State Park is well
worth a stop to explore its volcanic coastline, featuring sea stacks, blowholes and a
black sand beach. If you arrive in Hana,
which is smaller than it sounds, at lunchtime, purchase a snack at the Hana Bay
Snack Shop, the Hasegawa General Store,
or one of the other mom-and-pop shops,
or eat at a roadside food truck. For insight
into Maui's past, visit the Hana Cultural
Center, a museum and information center
at the entrance to Hana Bay. In the heart
of the town, the Hana Cultural Center
also features a gift shop and the old Hana
courthouse and jail (listed on the National
Register of Historic Places).
WHAT TO DO
For aquatic excursions, it doesn't get any
better than those offered by Alii Nui
Snorkel Sail (aliinuimaui.com). Thanks to
these guys, I swam with green sea turtles
on Earth Day! Unlike many marine-lifespotting tours, where the critters can
play hard to get, this outfit leads you to the
beating heart of turtle activity. This was
the best snorkeling adventure I have had:
Sailing on sapphire-blue seas to Turtle
Point and snorkeling above a beautiful
coral reef. Top it off with a celebratory
buffet lunch served onboard and you have
a perfect one-day excursion.
Getting to Hana, in east Maui, involves
a beautiful and relaxing drive that takes
around three hours, one way. There are
many places to stop, beginning with the
town of Paia, for beverages, snacks, and
possibly some souvenirs. Ho'okipa Beach
Park is a pleasant stop on the Maui coastline. A mecca for surfers since the 1930s,
the lookout offers stunning views of the
white sand beach and surf action. The
Garden of Eden Botanical Garden and
Arboretum (mauigardenofeden.com) and
a 26-acre haven for rare tropical flora and
fauna. If you have time, stop and wander
the trails to experience some of the natural
wonders of the South Pacific. The Ke'anae
WHERETO EAT
The Hawaiian Islands are embracing foodie
culture in a big way, and there are many
places to have a special meal. We were more
than spoiled at the award-winning Ko at the
Fairmont Kea Lani (fairmont.com/kealani).
Ko means "sugarcane" in Hawaiian, and the
name is a nod to Hawai'i's sugarcane plantation era, which also inspired the ethnic
melting pot of influences that informs the
restaurant's delectable menu. This is date
night on a stick, with a breathtaking setting,
impeccable service, and some lavish plating
of delicacies such as the macadamia nutcrusted Makai Catch or sugar cane-skewered prawns and scallops.
For something more casual, The Monkeypod Kitchen by Merriman in Wailea
(monkeypodkitchen.com) served up a lunch
after our long drive back from Hana that I
will not soon forget.
The food is locally sourced, sustainable,
and hearty, and we tucked into the Big
Island lobster and Hamakua wild mushroom pizza with white sauce, Parmesan,
and thyme; the garlic truffie oil fries; and a
whopping slice of strawberry and coconut
cream pie. That meal, especially, will live
on in my memory of magical Maui moments. (gohawaii.com/ maui) •
OCTOBER
2013
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73
M
y partner's first cruise was our
last date, at least for a while,
because Nicole, an Australian,
had to go back Down Under. Nic's visa had
expired, and in March, to celebrate and mourn,
we sailed to the Bahamas.
There wasn't an Olivia cruise handy,
but we did find an attractive last~minute
deal on a Norwegian Cruise Line ship.
Although the ship's name-Norwegian
Sky-sounded
dark and forbidding, we
booked a four~night cruise from Miami in
the hope of sunny times.
On the last part of our four~hour drive
to Miami, our Google Map lead us to an
exit that took us careening off the highway
and into the Everglades. Trying to renego~
tiate the route, I made more wrong turns,
which soon had Nie shrieking, "Ignore the
bloody directions! We're going to miss
our ship!" and reaching for the steering
wheel, while I drove determinedly the way
the map said, trying to wrest the printout
from her hands. Not a great start.
I kept my temper, though, and after Nie
calmed down, we sheepishly made our way
through Miami's tawdriest streets to the
cheapo parking Nie had found online: $12
a day instead of $20 at the port. Despite
74
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2013
our contretemps, I thanked Nie for saving
us the bucks. I wondered if every moment
of the journey was going to seem like a
comment on our partnership.
We checked in and walked up the gang~
way, our wheelie bags tip~tapping over the
struts. Our stateroom was lovely, colorful
and cozy, with faux Georgia O'Keefes on
the bulkhead. The porthole let in blue sky
and light, and we got a fruit basket from
the captain and a card congratulating us
on the special event we were celebrating.
Everything was addressed to Mrs. Ken~
dall and Mrs. Phillips, so apparently no
one had paid attention to the fact that the
special event was our 13th anniversary
-the anniversary of our civil union, Mr.
Cruise Director! Still, we enjoyed the
grapes and looked forward to dining with
the captain.
Before leaving the port we had a safety
drill, signaled by a series oflong, low blasts
on an impressive horn. We had to go to our
lifeboat station, which, promisingly, was L
as in lesbian. As we were tracking down
the right deck, Nic's face looked tight, and
I knew she was nervous. She hadn't yet
learned the ll~deck ship's layout, and she
doesn't like not knowing where she is. To
reassure her, I took her hand, but after a
quick squeeze she dropped mine, probably
because she felt self conscious in front of
all the straight people.
We spotted a few queer men-good
haircuts, tight shorts, tight torsos-but
no
other dykes. Given the usual 10 percent
estimate, of the 2,000 passengers there
should have been 200 gay people, of which
We spotted a few
queer men-good
haircuts, tight shorts,
tight torsos-but no
other dykes.
''
100 should have been women. So, we
wondered, where were the lesbians? And
then we realized-duh,
they're on Olivia!
That evening, Nie and I explored the
outer decks, working our way up to the top
level by the pools. There, on the platform
by the hot tubs, several Spring Break girls
were dancing, showing off their tans/
figures/ new bathing suits/loud laughter
for the boys lounging like hippos in the
water. It was a sexy show, and I wanted to
watch, but Nie plodded off."Some of them
could be dykes;' I said, but I didn't even
convince myself, and Nie just snorted.
Marching along to the basketball court,
Nie said that those girls needed a good
feed. I followed silently, glad that she prefers
curvier women.
Our first port of call was Freeport, on
a slightly rainy day. We escaped from the
shops, shopping, and shoppers, and got
a lift to Lucayan National Park, 25 miles
from Freeport, on the south shoreline.
The only tourists and almost the only vis~
itors in the park, we crossed through the
swampy, bird~filled mangroves on wooden
walkways. Then we climbed some steps
over a sand dune and suddenly saw a
magnificent half~moon beach. The high~
tide mark was lined with white~gray tree
stumps with long curling roots, and the
water was that sexy translucent turquoise,
lightened by the white sand underneath.
We ditched our stuff and stepped into
the water, which was just slightly cool.
Waist deep for a hundred yards out, the
water seemed extra salty and extraor~
dinarily dear, ideal for swimming. On
my back, I kicked up a fountain of white
water, exulting. We made it! After all the
expense and hassle, the cruise was every~
thing I'd hoped for: We were free, together
and happy in a beautiful spot.
That evening, we attended the "LGBT
gathering" listed on the Plan of the Day,
but the gathering turned out to be just Nie
and me. No one else in the room looked
even faintly queer. It's great that Norwe~
gian makes the space and time available,
but too bad that there weren't enough
LGBTs to make it happen.
On our dress~up night, we went to the
captain's private reception in a beautiful,
dark~wood bar. The first ones to enter the
room, we saw a long reception line of of
ficers in white, waiting to greet us, and at
the head of the line a tall man rising from
a bow. It was Captain Fredriksson, wel~
coming us to his ship. Sixty~something,
Swedish, with quicksilver hair and a con~
fident jaw, he was old~world handsome. In
response to his bow, I for the first time in
my life got to curtsey, and he greeted us
with warm handshakes.
It was dear that the captain a) knew
we were a couple and b) wished us to feel
welcome. At dinner, we were seated at his
central table, with just six other people.
The arrangement was the traditional
male/ female/ male all the way around the
table, until it came to us: To my delight,
Nie was seated next to the captain, a great
honor on any ship, let alone one with
2,000 passengers. It turns out, the captain
loves Australia and loves telling stories. He
made sure that we had a perfect meal and
an entertaining evening.
Another night, when we were dining
at the Italian restaurant, the maitre d' saw
us coming and said, ''Are you Gillian and
Nicolet After our meal, he brought us a
happy~anniversary cake complete with
candle. Our server, Kenroy, took our
hands and joined them, while the servers
sang "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" in
dear, lovely voices, singing as if they
meant it. I joined in, and Nie laughed with
embarrassment and pleasure as she was
serenaded. For the first time in my life I
was singing a love song to my partner with
a chorus of backup singers. What better
way could there be to say goodbye-and
make sure she comes back? •
OCTOBER
2013
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75
TURES/
TRAVEL
Chi-Toivn
Charmer
Bed down with the best at the Dana Hotel & Spa.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
LOCAL LESBIAN:
SANDI ROBINSON
T
his city has plenty of big-box corporate-style hotels but on a recent visit
to Chicago, I was relieved to stay at
the upscale Dana Hotel & Spa, an aesthetically
pleasing boutique hotel that feels more like a
trendy urban condo development. As soon as
I walked into the lobby I was delighted by the
unusual ambience: The hotel restaurant was
playing Alabama Shakes and the lovelyyoung
lady at Reception (more hipster than hotel
professional) greeted me like a friend. (For
more on the gay and gay-friendly staff, see the
Local Lesbian sidebar.)
As I entered my Corner King Room, I
sighed. No standard businessman decor
here. I had hardwood floors, polished
concrete ceilings, accent pieces to please
the fussiest urbanista, expansive windows
affording me a view down one of Chicago's
iconic streets, and a mini bar stocked not
with mass-produced snacks and secondclass wine but artisanal, locally made
rants and theaters in the cit}'. and
76
CURVE
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2013
munchies-and
a split ofVeuve Clicquot.
While it's tempting to put the No Peeking sign on your door and stay holed up in
your room, pretending that this is your very
own Chi-Town crash pad, head up to the
rooftop Vertigo Sky Lounge, a destination
venue for locals (it's the only year-round
indoor-outdoor bar in the city). This chic
party space features outdoor lounges in
summer and braziers and an ice bar in
winter. While you're spoiled for culinary
outings in Chicago, the Dana's restaurant,
Freestyle Food + Drink, serves up a solid
and innovative a la carte breakfast, lunch,
and dinner, plus a weekend brunch. And
finally, the Asian-inspired spa is so good
that it's part of the establishment's tide.
And it took the No. 34 spot on Conde
Nast Traveler's Top 75 U.S. Hotel Spas for
2013-another
reason why this boutique
hotel is a superior choice for the discerning
traveler. (danahotelandspa.com) •
The effervescent and out Robinson, 31,
is the executive events manager for the
Dana Hotel & Spa, and works hard to
put both her city and her property on
the queer travel map. Here, she shares
the best of her hometown.
Describe Chicago's lesbian scene.
It's kind of an underground scene, with
elite promoters. The younger girls are
always out, but for my age group we
like to stick to specialty events.
Best night out with the girls?
Wherever All Girls Chi has a parry. It
can go anywhere from a nightclub to a
yacht on Lake Michigan. All Girls Chi
is organized by two women in their
early 30s who do cool, trendy parties in
Chicago.
Suggestions for women visiting?
Visit our local Chicago Area Gay
and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
There you will find information on all
LGBT events and happenings. I also
love Andersonville-that's
where all
the settled lesbians migrate to live. It
has awesome boutiques, bars, and
restaurants. Definitely come in June,
for Andersonville Midsommarfest.
That is the one time besides Pride that
you will find the entire lesbian population gathered together.
Why stay at the Dana Hotel & Spa?
Our slogan is Come as You Are. We
welcome everybody and treat everyone equally. The Dana is extremely
LGBT-friendly. We belong to the Chicago Area Gay and Lesbian Chamber
of Commerce, host Lambda Legal
every year for events, participate in our
Chicago Pride Parade, and advertise
with LGBT- and gay-friendly magazines and web sites. We also welcome
all LGBT events with open arms.
Hotin
Cleveland
The Midwestern city carries the torch for
Gay Games 2014. ev JILLIAN EUGEN10s
C
leveland, Ohio, is preparing to welcome thousands of participants and
spectators to the world's largest
LGBT multisport and cultural event, which
was last held in Cologne, Germany, in 2010
and kicks off in August next year. Cleveland,
even when the host site was expanded to
include nearby Akron, will be the smallest
area ever to host the Gay Games. But as visitors will soon learn, the city that's known
as "The Rock 'n' Roll Capital of the World"
more than makes up for its small size and,
by hosting this international event, promises to showcase itself as a world-class LGBT
destination.
Preparations have been in the works
for years. In January, Cleveland lit up its
Terminal Tower, a 52-story landmark, in
rainbow-colored lights to show its support for Gay Games 9. And last August,
organizers held a celebratory year-out
countdown, with beer, baseball, and fireworks. Tartan Yachts, a presenting sponsor,
is building 20 new boats so sailors can
compete on Lake Erie. It's the first time in
history that an entire fleet has been built
specifically for the Gay Games.
Though the GG9 itinerary is packed
with social activities, those looking to
break from the festivities can make like a
local and head to several venues, restaurants, and hot spots around the city.
A visit to University Circle takes you
to the epicenter of local culture: The site
includes the Cleveland Museum of Art
and the Cleveland Botanical Garden, as
well as the Cleveland Institute of Music
and the Cleveland Orchestra. The Cleveland Museum of Art (11150 East Blvd.)
even offers free admission to its permanent collections.
The Cleveland Botanical Garden is a
standout because of its huge Glasshouse,
home to both a Costa Rican rainforest
teeming with butterflies
and a Madagascan desert replete with chameleons, tortoises and baobab trees. Visitors
are asked to check themselves for errant
butterflies as they exit.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and
Museum (1100 East 9th St.) is, yes, touristy and is, yes, a must. It's one of the best
things to do when visiting Cleveland, and
for good reason: The museum is packed
with videos, artifacts, and memorabilia, all
paying homage to rock icons of the past
and present. Even this writer couldn't resist
the gift shop, and left with some quite
dashing Grateful Dead-themed socks.
And who says art and alcohol don't mix!
Art Hop, happening on the second Friday
of every month in the historic Tremont
neighborhood, offers a slew of Happy Hours
to patrons of local bars and restaurants,
who then head on over to neighborhood
galleries for their monthly art fix.
Nightlife for lady-lovin' gals in Cleveland will be in full swing during the
Games, but local stand-bys include the
Twist Social Club (11633 Clifton Blvd.),
which is perfect for hot summer nights. Its
large windows open up onto the sidewalk,
offering a good place to perch and cool
down. Cleveland residents have named
Bounce Night Club (2814 Detroit Ave.)
the Best Gay and Lesbian Bar for five
consecutive years. The drag competitions
feature performances by both kings and
queens, and women head to Bounce for
Gurlesque Fridays.
In between the parties and the athletics,
Cleveland has many ways to fuel up.
To sample local eats, go to the centuryold West Side Market, established in
1912, it is the largest indoor/outdoor
market in the United States. Its 180
booths display everything from fruits and
vegetables to locally sourced meats, and
even some international treats. The building's rounded brick ceiling, large windows,
and recessed lighting make it a gorgeous
place to shop.
While you're browsing and sampling
in the West Side Market, swing by the
lesbian-owned Pork Chop Shop, run by
Alexia Rodriguez and Emma Beno, a couple known as the "butcher babes:' They
specialize in traditional cuts of pork and
original sausage flavors. Check out their
Apple Provolone and Jalapeno Cheddar.
Not one to get excited about baconr
Cleveland has plenty of vendors for all
types of eaters, but for vegans, or the
vegan-friendly, walk down to Maggie's
Vegan Bakery (1979 West 25th St.) for a
cruelty-free cupcake.
A visit to Cleveland is the perfect opportunity to try what Rolling Stone once
called the "Best Milkshake East of the
Mississippi" at Tommy's (1824 Coventry Rd.). The menu hasn't changed much
since the place opened in 1972, except to
add the names of diners who have favored
or invented a certain dish: The "Gordon''
is a beef pie with barbecue sauce; the
"Kelsey" is an omelet with broccoli.
After the Gay Games, perhaps Tommy will have something new to add to his
menu.
It the meantime, the city is excited about
the start of GG 9. Event organizers promise
not only amazing athletes competting but
visual artists, singers, and musicians as well.
Looks like Cleveland is ready to rock. •
The Gay Games presented by the Cleveland Foundation runs August 9-16, 2014.
For more information, visit gg9cle.com.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
77
Yorker and saying people are nice, I really
mean it. At first, people looked me in the
eye here and I thought they were going to
mug me. I thought they had an agenda.
They don't.
What is Feast Portland?
It's a four-day festival with over 40 events.
The idea is to make Portland the center of
the food universe for four days out of the
year. It's the South by Southwest of food.
It's chefs coming together, making magic
happen around food. There's the Night
Market, where everything centers around
street food. If you're excited about meat on
a stick, tacos, noodles, this is the place for
you. It's just like an Asian night market.Feast
also hosts intellectual discussions around
food, as part of a speaker series about topics like why Portland matters, which it does
since it's the 26th-largest market in the U.S.
There's a GMO panel about labeling. We're
A Taste of Portland
Lesbian chef Carrie Welch serves it up. By Jenny Block
C
having real dialogue around food issuesfrom tasting to talking about it. And the
event raises much-needed funds for Share
Our Strength and Partners for a HungerFree Oregon.
CHEF WELCH'S PORTLAND PICKS
Favorite restaurant to take out-of-towners:
arrie Welch loves food. She
Welch is a true food-industry visionary,
was incredibly lucky to have
especially when it comes to all things local
Le Pigeon. It is quintessential Portland.
begun her career at the Food
and sustainable, so who better to ask about
Best breakfast and brunch: The Country
Network, which is "like starting
the culinary culture of Portland.
Cat, which has fried chicken, biscuits, gravy,
Bloody Marys, everything that makes
out at Disney," Welch says. She
finished her degree at New York University
How would you characterize the food
brunch life worth living, and the dim sum
on a Friday and started at the Food Network
scene in Portland?
at Ocean City. My wife is Taiwanese, so
the following Monday. For nearly 10 years
"Burgeoning" is the first word that comes
she's introduced me to the wonders of dim
she was there-"with
to mind. Exploding. New restaurants open
sum. We love the small spareribs, shumai,
Rachael Ray high-fiving in the hallways,"
every day. There are farms 30 minutes
and especially the beef wrapped in rice
she jokes. An administrative assistant to
away where you can get incredible ingre-
noodles.
start, Welch moved up to vice president of
dients. If you want a whole pig, you'll have
Best lunch: Wildwood for a fun, boozy,
PR in just a few years, and became part of
five people wanting to give you one, raised
actual lunch-no
the team that created the New York City
sustainably. And it's not expensive to open
sandwiches and salads. PaaDee for fresh,
Wine and Food Festival, overseeing the
a restaurant here. It's not cheap, but it's not
awesome Thai food. The Tom Yum Goong
Food Network's part in the event.
like New York City. If it doesn't work, you
is to die for.
won't be ruined. There's so much potential
Best dinner: Restaurant Beck on the
Welch moved to Portland in 2010 with her
here, and the city is ripe and ready for it.
Oregon Coast. Hands down. The restau-
wife, Jannie, thinking she wanted to open
What would you say surprises people
rant overlooks Whale Cove near Depoe
a restaurant. But, as luck would have it, she
about food when they come to Portland?
Bay, and the food from chef Justin Wills is
met the food and festival guru Mike Thelin
Two things. How nice everyone really is,
some of the most exciting I've had on the
first. Together they co-founded Bon Appetit
and what people are able to do with the
West Coast. Pork belly confit with smoked
Presents Feast Portland: A Celebration of
ingredients. Clever, approachable, not
maple ice cream. Yum.
Oregon Bounty. A festival of local food and
unfamiliar. Any night of the week, you
Favorite cuisine: I'm a sucker for new
American, which works really well in the
Bobby Flay and
Then things got even more interesting.
egg dishes, just real
drink, with a mission to end child hunger,
can have a great meal that far surpasses
the first Feast took place in September of
a weekend meal in another city. [There's
Pacific Northwest. I like sushi, clean flavors
2012. It included 100 chefs, 42 events and
one chef in Portland] doing a buffalo heart
with fresh, simple ingredients.
9,000 attendees-and
tartar. And it's OK to eat it raw, because it's
Best snack: Annie's Donuts. The best
for Share Our Strength and Partners for a
that good, that fresh. It's doing something
old-fashioned doughnuts I've ever tasted.
Hunger-Free Oregon.
different with ingredients. Being a New
(feastportland.com) •
78
CURVE
OCTOBER
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2013
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TLOOK!STARS
Tricks and Treats
As Mercury retrogrades our communications may go awry.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
LIBRA %
%
%
This gal is a babe %
%
magnet Blessed with %
innate charm and %
sex appeal, her only %
%
concern is choosing %
among the favored %
%
few She is often %
swayed by a pretty %
face and has a rather %
%
large sweet tooth for %
decadent desserts %
%
As with other air %
signs, she is.. ahem .a %
%
flexible lover. This %
means that not only %
is she somewhat of %
%
an accomplished %
acrobat, but is also %
%
rather experimental %
Her list of lovergrrls %
spans a wide variety %
%
of personality and %
body types, and %
%
threesomes are not %
unusual. What she %
lacks in spontaneity, %
%
she amply makes up %
for in delicious variety %
%
%
%
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor%
of HerScopes:
A Guide
to Astrology%
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-%
%
tinyurl.
com/HerScopes.
%
(Sept. 24-0ct 23)
Nowavailable
asanebook.
80
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
There is nothing scary in your
bag of tricks now but there
are some surprises that will
require you to take action.
October is the time to clean
out your closet and toss out
any psychological baggage
that has been holding you
back from success. Liberation
is liberating! Grab the world
by the collar and give it a
shake, Libra.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Scorpios are the leaders of
the Pride parade and find
new ways to get their gal pals
to dance to their tune. You
feel fit, feisty and full of fun.
Expand your area of influence
by joining new clubs or
maneuvering into elite social
sets. Will you harness all of
this personal power for good
or will you use it for your own
personal gain?
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
If your career has stalled or
is a bit off the rails, October
gets you back on track
professionally. Maybe it's
because dormant projects
suddenly get a new life. Or
maybe it's because a certain
powerbroker recognizes your
worth. Whatever starts your
engine be sure that you are in
the driver's seat.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Love surprises you this
October. It is not just because
she is someone who you would
never expect, but she will arrive
from a place you would never
consider. Let life embrace
you Capricorn and be open to
the possibilities. And listen to
your own voice, rather than
the advice of gal pals. They
may have your best interests
at heart but listen to your own
heart instead.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Aqueerians have animal
magnetism and know how
to attract who they want this
month. There are tricks and
treats among your many gal
pals if you decide to mine
your social calendar for gems.
But don't let all this sizzle ice
your career plans. Find time
to attend to both the practical
and the passionate. You are
even sexier with a large bank
account and a power position.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
Not only do they love you
at work, you can use your
moxie to strengthen all types
of important relationships.
So don't sit back and wait for
the world to come to you.
Use your personal oomph to
get where you want to go, be
who you want to be and enjoy
who you want to enjoy. Life
is too short to contemplate
your navel. Go contemplate
someone else's.
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Love is waiting for you in the
far corners of the world so
explore a few remote nooks
and crannies as part of an
adventuresome getaway. If
time and money are tight,
expand your horizons any way
you can. Lambda Rams are
now very experimental sexually
whether you are open to a new
"type," position or come-on.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Although there may be
relationship misunderstandings
this month, you can use your
immense powers of persuasion
to repair any hurt feelings. But
at the same time, you can't
always be walking on eggshells
around certain girlfriends.
Taureans need their personal
space to enjoy the party, let off
steam and get their game on.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Concentrate on your domestic
agenda by sprucing up your
surroundings and sharing
it with a bevy of bosom
buddies. Geminis who are in
a relationship can ratchet up
the romance. Those who are
searching for a soul mate can
find her. But you have to make
the effort to get out there and
look. Plan some get-togethers
and see who gets together.
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Cancers are bold, cheeky and
beautiful this October. So
spread the word, among other
things. Someone in the next
cubicle has her eye on you.
Be prepared to complicate
your work environment with a
light flirtation-or something
heavier. It starts with a
furtive glance, then a smile
then perhaps a rendezvous.
Excitement is in the air!
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
You find that your expenses
exceed your revenue. The
good times roll but need to be
bankrolled. Lionesses love to be
in the center of attention and
the best way now is to become
a well-endowed benefactress
who spreads her largess. Enjoy
sharing your gotten gains
but know when to say when.
Try to save something for the
proverbial rainy day.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
You can make your mark on any
scene you decide to steal. Not
only are you very charismatic,
you also seem to give out
nurturing vibes, which can
bring any lady running. Gather
your courage and take a risk
with something or someone
new. Actions speak louder
and prouder than words this
October so put that tongue to
better use.
mc.c.-I- Iis-l-c.t""".
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OCTOBER 2013 VOLUME 23#8
CHRISTINE
QUINN'S
RACETO
THETOP
~BEST
"" ""
PLACES TO WORK
2013
for LGBT Equality
OCTOBER
2013
FEATURES
37
LIGHTEN UP
Meet India's first-ever openly lesbian
comic, Vasu Ritu Primlani.
By Hassina Obaidy
WE WILL SURVIVE
Nikki Weiss and Dr. Susan Love
speak out about breast cancer
research for women and lesbians.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
~6
SISTERS INSIDE
The true story behind the Netflix
series, Orange is the New Black.
By Lara Embry
~s
SOPHIA'S CHOICE
Photographer Sophia Wallace uses
image-making to challenge gender
norms and create visibility.
By Merryn Johns
5~
THE OUT LIST
Meet 11out, proud and powerful
queer women who are changing the
world for the better.
72
MAUI MAGIC
Luxury, relaxation and a warm LGBT
welcome await you on this Hawaiian
island. By Merryn Johns
COVER PHOTO BY ROBIN ROEMER
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
1
OCTOBER
2013
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////A
IN EVERYISSUE
6
EDITOR'S NOTE
8
FEEDBACK
9
CURVETTES
10
THE GAYDAR
28
SCENE
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////A
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 THIS IS WHAT A
LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE
31
MUSIC
33
BOOKS
35
FILM
Designer Lily Smith-Kirkley.
12 BREAST CANCER
AWARENESS GIFT GUIDE
Support the search for a cure
by shopping pink.
14
BEAUTY
15
HOT TEE
Natural beauty gets a boost
from Lush cosmetics.
I
I
16
LESBOFILE
17
SHE SAID
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Branding expert Dorie Clark
on how to prepare for and
achieve your dream career.
By Heidi L. Lehmann
The best lesbian films
and docs from this year's
Frameline Film Festival.
By Kathleen Wilkinson
VIEWS
STYLE
18
38
FASHION FIENDS
18 IN CASE YOU
MISSED IT ... News from
Queer pop-performance duo
Hi Fashion make their own
rules. By Elizabeth Nguyen
19
POLITICS
41
RE/DRESS REVOLUTION
22
THE TWO OF US
25
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
26
TRUTH OR DARE
OUT IN FRONT
across the country.
We call ourselves feminists,
but are we subconsciously
sexist at the polls?
By Victoria A. Brownworth
Our monthly profile of lesbian
couples who live, love and
work together.
2
Tylan Greenstein of Girlyman
unveils her first solo album.
By Dave Steinfeld
Queer fashion guru Rachel
Kacenjar wages war on
conventional ideas about
plus size fashion with
her beloved boutique.
By Rachel Shatto
Express yourself with the Nokia Lumia 1020™
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Curve's online selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
LIFEIN THE PO LANE
Lesbian singer-songwriter and VH1 reality star Po Johnson shares the
story of launching her music career, her future on La La's Full Court
Life, and growing up in a strict Christian home.
REBELGIRLS
Out feminist artist Celeste
Chan tells us about
co-founding Queer
Rebels Production with
performer KB Boyce-and
how, together, they're
advocating for LGBT
equality through art
by showcasing queer
artists of color on stage,
connecting generations
and honoring history with
art of the future.
MOVIE NIGHT
WITH CURVE
Lesbian cinefile alert! Watch our new
vlog, The Curve Drive-In, hosted by
Sarita Ramirez. Ramirez reviews queer
films that you vote for on Curve's
facebook page. Episode one, which
features But I'm A Cheerleader and
Imagine Me & You, is available on
curvemag.com now!
THIS IS WHAT A LESBIAN
LOOKS LIKE: KATE FREITAG
Lesbian-identified transgender mechanic Kate
Freitag shares her story of transistioning-and
wrestling with the financial and emototional
burden that come along with it. Plus she shares her
thoughts on lesbian trans representation on Orange
is the New Black.
4
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Daily Gaydar
Craving more
celsbian news?
Check out Curve's
Daily Gaydar. We
keep our finger on
the pulse of what's
shaking in lesbian
popculture
and news.
curvemag.com.
PNCBANK
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
OCTOBER
Come on
T
Out!
ime was we only had to come
out about our sexual identity. I
2013
LESBIAN
» VOLUME
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGING EDITOR Rachel Shatto
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Jillian Eugenios, Sheryl Kay, Stephanie
Schroeder
remember when the phrase, "I've
OPERATIONS
and families. As time has gone on and more
rights have been fought for and won, coming
out isn't as terrifying as it once was. But I
feel that it's no less meaningful.
Let's not forget, however, that being gay
can still get you fired in 23 states; being
transgender, 33. And many of us continue to
come out each day, over and over again, to
new people. That still takes courage.
This is our Out issue, and in it we celebrate queer women who have come
out about a number of things: being a lesbian, being bi, being trans. I also
think that it's important to come out as sexual, and I welcome our new sex
advice columnists, Jincey & Carlin. While they each identify as lesbian and
as queer, the label they really prefer is "sexual," and each month they'll be
helping us come out of our own closets on issues such as intimacy, monogamy,
sexual fluidity and sexual shame.
8
FOUNDING PUBLISHER Frances Stevens
got something to tell you-I'm
proclamation and might sunder friendships
23 NUMBER
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
EDITORIALASSISTANTHassina Obaidy
PROOFREADERElizabeth Harper
gay," was the most shocking
MAGAZINE
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
EVENTS& MEDIA RELATIONSCOORDINATOR Robin Perron
ADVERTISING
CURVE'SMEDIA KIT ourmediakit.com
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
BUSINESSDEVELOPMENT
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Stefanie Liang, Kate Field
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam
L. Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo,
Traci Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Elizabeth Estochen,
Jill Goldstein, Lisa Gunther, Kristin Flickinger, Gillian
Kendall, Kim Hoffman, Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen
Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey, Jess McAvoy, Ariel MessmanRucker, Emelina Minero, Laurie K. Schenden, Stephanie
Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson, Allison Steinberg, Stella &
Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah
Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Alex Styles, Meagan Cignoli,
JD Disalvatore, Sophia Hantzes, Janet Mayer, Syd London,
Cheryl Mazak, Maggie Parker, Leslie Van Stelten
Dr. Susan Love and Nikki Weiss (whom you will remember from season one
of The Real L Word) come out of the cancer closet this month with their powerful and inspiring stories. It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and now that
we're all more aware of the risks posed to lesbians by this mystifying disease,
it's time we replaced awareness with action.
So who better as a choice for our cover girl than stand up comic Tig
Notaro? This out lesbian literally got onstage days after her breast cancer
diagnosis and shared it with the world. And she beat it.
There are infinite things to come out about. I've been out for 20 years as a
lesbian, but there's always something to proclaim about yourself, and something to gain by doing it. I speak regularly on the topic of lesbians as women
rather than as a gay minority. I'm inspired by Dr. Love's Army of Women and
the belief that if we work together we will achieve equality for women everywhere. The experts, activists and entrepreneurs we interview this month are
all out and can help you be-and about more things than just your sexuality.
So what closet will you come out of this month?
~·
MER~
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
CURVE
OCTOBER
~iti:i~ura~cs~:~~;lus
i~ ;~~k~~Y:s;.,,
~)i~~
ADVERTISINGEMAIL advertising@curvemag.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 23 Issue 8 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published
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Trans Transgression
WOULD
YOU
DATE
SOMEONE
WHO
ISNOT
OUT?
16%
Yes,
nothing
stands in
the way
of true
love
''
No way,
come out
or get out
-27%
Maybe,
but only
if she
promised
to come
out soon
Send to:
Email: letters@curvemagazine.com
Fax: 510.380.7487
Online: curvemag.com/letters
8
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
OURFRIENDS
SWOON
OVERLIZCARMOUCHE
Damn she's hot ...mmm
-Ash J Gibson
HUGEfan of Liz!
Great choice and
inspiring athlete!
-AmySoud
She is one of the most
humble down to earth, and
genuine person I've met.
It was an honor to have
trained with her no matter
how much she twisted me
up. Proud Lizbro here ...
-Michael Gonzalez
I'll definitely be buying this
issue. Heck, I may even get
a subscription now
if you guys are always this
great at featuring
awesome athletes!!!
CURVE
ISA
-ANiko Quest
TRANS-INCLUSIVE
-JenniferO'Dea
MAGAZINE
THAT
WILL
ALWAYS
RUN
REGULAR
EDITORIAL -Laurel Smith
SUPPORTING
TRANSGENDER -Debi Nelson
HOT
RIGHTS
AND
-Christier Casher
INCLUSIVITY.
Awesome fight last week
Awesome choice for your
cover!! Love her!!!
''
Editor's Note: While the
opinion editorial piece
"Celebrating Women'' expresses
one point of view, Curve
is a trans~inclusive magazine
that has always, and will
always run regular editorial
supporting transgender
rights and inclusivity.
V////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////a
Curve magazine,
WRITE
US!PO Box 467,
New York, NY 10034
facebook.com/curvemag
Love this cover. It is
about time she gets some
recognition. Love her.
Tonight I settled into a
20%
relaxing bubble bath with
my Curve, but ended up
furious upon reading
"Celebrating Women;'
[Vol. 23#6] a defense of the
"women~born~women" policy
at MichFest. It has been
explained time and time again
why this policy is offensive
and marginalizing. I'm just
profoundly disappointed that
Curve chose to side with those
who fear and exclude tran~
swomen, rather than those
who seek to build inclusivity
in our community. Shame on
you. You will not receive my
money again.
-Sarah, Florida
Posts from our
Facebook fans
Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/customerservice.
subscribe
renew
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get missing issues
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give a gift
Love her! She is so badass!
-Keli Higgs
POST
OF
THE
MONTH
my parents dont accept that
I'm gay and tell me I'm going
to hell for it ...am I?
Does anyone else
go through this?
-Dakota Lemberger
CURVE:Hey Dakota
Lemberger, there's nothing
wrong with being gay.
As you get older, you'll bring
more and more people into
your life who love you for
exactly who you are.
UPFRONTtCURVET
VICTORIA A.
BROWNWORTH
Victoria is a Pulitzer Prizenominated reporter and
columnist. She's the author and
editor of nearly 30 books and
her work has been collected in
over 50 anthologies. She has
won the prestigious Society
of Professional Journalism
Award, the NLGJA Award and
the 2012 Moonbeam Award
for Cultural & Historical Fiction
for From Where We Sit: Black
Writers Write Black Youth. Her
journalism has appeared in
most major newspapers in
the U.S., including the New
York Times, the Philadelphia
Inquirer and the Baltimore
Sun. Victoria's Coming Out
of Cancer: Writings from the
Lesbian Cancer Epidemic put
her in OUT magazine's Top 100,
and also won her the Lambda
Literary Editor's Choice Award.
A breast cancer survivor,
Victoria was diagnosed at 26
and before she was 30 had had
three breast surgeries. "The
specter of breast cancer hangs
over the lesbian community,
which is why we need to keep
talking about it, why we need
to do everything we can to
keep ourselves healthy."
HEIDIE. LEHMANN
Heidi is a social mediamarketing strategist who
consults with brands, agencies,
venture capital firms and startups. She is also founder and
CEO of MoxieQ, a network
of lifestyle celebrity experts.
Heidi's previous endeavors
include co-founder of Third
Screen Media, which was
acquired by AOL in 2007. She
has led business development
at venture-backed Kaon
Interactive, Artificial Life; and
ad sales at AutoSite.com,
which sold to Microsoft in
2001. Heidi has been quoted in
the Wall Street Journal, Ad Age,
Adweek, Mediapost, SheWired
and multiple mobile marketing
publications. She is a regular
speaker on panels and was
voted a 2011 Female Founder
to Watch by Women 2.0, a
2011 Most Influential Woman
in Wireless by Fierce Wireless,
and a 2010 Woman to Watch
by Mobile Marketer. Heidi splits
her time between New York
City and Kansas City, loves
Jeeps, BBQ, travel and her two
French bulldogs.
SHERRYPLATT
BERMAN
For over 20 years Sherry
has worked as a career
counselor and corporate
recruiter, advising everyone
from professional executives,
and young adults to the
homeless and felons on how to
successfully navigate the job
search market and discover
the work each individual
is uniquely designed for in
this lifetime. With an MA in
Counseling, from University
of San Francisco, certification
as an Interfaith Spiritual
Director and a bachelors
degree from University of
Florida in Communications,
Sherry utilizes her lifetime
experience to help men and
women transition through
the challenging times in life.
Sherry is the owner of SWITCHCareers (Supporting Women
In Transition and Change),
Lavender Careers (for LGBT
professionals) and is the cofounder of The Career Wisdom
Institute. She currently serves
as the Vice President on the
board of directors for the
Rainbow Community Center in
Contra Costa County.
ES
LARA EMBRY,PH.D
Lara is a clinical psychologist
and writer living in Los Angeles.
She attended Smith College,
Columbia University and then
the University of Washington
for her doctorate. She has a
children's book in publication
with Random House called
Mean Marlene, and co-wrote
Jane Lynch's memoir, Happy
Accidents. She is currently
working on a documentary
film project about lesbians
living in Birmingham, Ala., her
hometown. She is a member
of the Trevor Project board of
directors, and is the PAC chair
for EQCA. Lara's favorite thing
in life is spending time with
her two daughters, who are
amazing humans. For this issue,
Lara interviews Piper Kerman,
the author of Orange is the New
Black. Friends, brief college
girlfriends, and occasional
roommates, Lara is thrilled
to celebrate the critically
acclaimed Netflix adaptation of
Piper's best selling book-and
even more thrilled to catch up
with her old friend.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
9
NDS/
p
I
%
THE GAYDAR
!~e~ o~~!~~~one?
Let our gaydar help
you decide who's hot who's not who's
shaking it and who's faking 1t1nlesboland.
BY RACHEL SHATTO
Nothing warms our hearts quite like
surprise inclusivity, so when the
trailer for The Box Trolls included
an animated lesbian family, we
cheered. See you at the box office
Madge channels Tinseltown's
Golden Gay-ge at the premiere
of Madonna: The MDNA Tour in
a top hat and tails la Marlene
Dietrich. Hot, hot, hot!
a
Holly Robinson Peete
jokes about the "lesbian
lacrosse team" at Sarah
Lawrence on ESPN. Psst
Holly, your homophobia
is showing. Lame
This month in lezzie
titillation: Heather
Graham and Carrie-Ann
Moss get it on in the
thriller Compulsion
w
gj
While admittedly we
love us some Katee
Sackoff (Starbuck
forever!) her latest
role as a "pretend
lesbian" in Riddick
is bumming us out.
Quit playing with our
heads, lady
<(
2
z
0
gi
ci
...J
WJ
<(
I
C)
i
Asif Wanda
Sykes weren't
reason enough
to check
out The Hot
Flashes, it
turns out Daryl
Hannah's
character is a
lesbian to boot
Marriage equality----~
is spreading; first
DOMA gets the
boot, and now in
jolly good news,
the U.K. has made
it the law of the
land, too
l
MTV's hit series Wild n Out
gets literal by casting two
foxy lesbian comics Lauren
Flans and Chaunte Wayans
Amber Heard channels her
Sapphic side in an oh-so-sexy
video for Vs. magazine. Kinky
navel-gazing, um ...yes please
Rumer Willis plays a
lesbian again, this time
on Pretty Little Liars.
Since this is Rosewood we
know it can't end well,
but it sure is gonna be
fun along the way
Lesbian director
Kimberly Peirce's
long-awaited remake
of Carrie opens this
month. Bechdel tested,
Curve approved
Tegan and Sara release a
special edition Heartthrob
magazine on iTunes. Talk
about a page turner
10
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
On a recent
episode of
Breaking Amish
Kate Stoltzfus
went on her
first girl-ongirl date, the
two flirted and
kissed. Looks
like Breaking
Amish may be
breaking bi
WJ
f-
WJ
WJ
CL
gi
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z
C)
i
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<(
Cf)
PICKS
»
PRODUCTS
»
PEOPLE
»
Lily Smith-Kirkley
The Dallas designer on coming out,
following her dreams and winning.
NDSJGIFT
GUIDE
2. Dogood Decolletage
Dogoodery gets glitzy with
this pink tourmaline necklace
from designer Rosena Sammi,
which spells "hope" in
Sanskrit. Thirty percent of
the proceeds go to the
American Cancer Society.
($120, rosenasammi.com)
1. Just Dandy
The traditional bowtie gets a twist with the Kiel
James Patrick Twiggy bracelet. Twenty percent
of the purchase price goes to the Breast Cancer
Research Foundation to help find a cure.
($58, kieljamespatrick.com)
6. Fight in Style
What better way to symbolize the fight to find a
cure than boxing gloves? Put some pink in your
punch and donate to BCRFat the same time.
($40, ever/ast.com)
5. Prettier in Pink
Donating to BCRF gets a new spin
with Cuisinart's hot pink appliances.
Our fave: the 7- Speed Electronic
Blender. ($70, cuisinart.com)
8. Cross Your Heart
This hip Cross Body Cause Bag in
black water resistant microfiber
with pink lining gives back to Breast
Cancer Options and the American
Cancer Society while you go about
your business. ($50, ameribag.com)
10.StepUp
9. Philanthropic Pucker
Spoil your feet and give back with
Orthaheel's Vionic special edition
Tahoe sneakers. Featuring a pink
stripe these shoes usually retail for
$100 but you can get them for half
that on Oct. 11on QVC. Proceeds
benefit breast cancer research,
education and awareness. ($50,
orthaheelusa.com)
For Breast Cancer Awareness month Clinique has released a special edition
of their highly popular Almost Lipstick in Ribbon Honey. This shade flatters
all skin tones and Clinique donates $3 of every purchase to BCRF.
($15, clinique.com)
1
Get cozy in the Pinktober
tee from the Hard Rock
Cafe. Featuring a design
inspired by both Eastern
and Western elements 15
percent of the price of
the soft jersey tee is
donated to BCRF.
($26, hardrockcafe.com)
12. Written on the Body
Lesbian artist Kimberly Blanchette creates works of abstract art using the
human body as a canvas and then photographs the result. Blanchette
donates $5 of every print from The Body Paint Project to BCRF and Gilda's
Club Madison. (kimberlyblanchette.com)
4. Altruistic
Aromatherapy
Gold Canyon's Pink Sugar
Cookie Tribute candle fills
your home with the sweet
smell fresh baked cookies
while giving 10 percent
of all purchases to BCRF.
That's a pretty sweeet deal.
($19, go/dcanyon.com)
7.ZentoWin
Feel extra motivated next time you're in
downward facing dog with Gaiam's Pink
Ribbon Yoga Mat II featuring the ribbon
motif, made from inspirational words. The
mat also comes with a free yoga work
out DVD. ($22, gaiam.com)
15 Ways to support breast cancer awareness this month.
BY RACHEL SHATTO
13. Sugar Kisses
Get smooth and supple lips and
give back at the same time with
Skinn's Sugar Lips Polishing
Scrub. Made with real sugar,
100 percent of the purchase
price will be donated to support
breast cancer awareness.
($20, skinn.com)
SK
-u,,.
...............
Ory&Llne<ll.lp9
15. Cancer is Ruff
14. Silver Lining
Make a difference with movie
night. For every purchase of
the award-winning lesbian film
Cloudburst, starring Olympia
Dukakis, Wolfe Video will
donate 10 percent to the
Lesbian Health & Research
Center. ($20, wolfevideo.com)
We humans aren't the only
ones facing the threat of
breast cancer. Lesbian-owned
pet store Pampered Paw Gifts
is offering Lainey's Believe
Cookie Bucket, which helps
support the search for a cure
for canine breast cancer. This
pink bucket is filled with eight
breast cancer ribbon cookies
and 25 bone cancer cookies,
and a Believe Pin for you.
($20, pamperedpawgifts.com)
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
13
NDS!BEAUTY
•
•
Outside the Lines
Natural, vegan
products do not have
to mean boring colors.
Lush's liquid liners
abound with daring
hues, from pastels to
metallics, so let your
creativity run wild.
$19, lushusa.com
•
$19, lushusa.com
•
Power Pout
From the fierce fuchsia
of Passionate to the
precious pink of Charm,
the liquid to powder
finish of Lush's lippy
guarantees a look that
wont smear or feather.
$19, /ushusa.com
•
$19, lushusa.com
•
Finishing Touch
Powder can dry your
skin, but the jojoba
oil in its base gives
Lush's Emotional
Brilliance Translucent
Powder the power
to hydrate your skin
while still creating a
smooth matte finish.
$19, lushusa.com
14
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Sweet Cream
Be on trend with matte
earth and jewel tones
this fall, with Lush's
cream shadows.
•
Fresh Faced
Lush's foundations can be used
on their own for greater coverage
or mixed with your favorite
moisturizer to create a
custom tinted lotion.
$17, /ushusa.com
Feed Your Lashes
Lush Eyes Right
mascara is gentle,
thickening and will
leave your lashes
healthy thanks to
its vitamin-rich
wheatg rass base.
/
A Teazled Moment
The LGBT card-makers give back.
Who doesn't enjoy sending loved ones
a greeting card for holidays, special
occasions or even coming out? (Yes, they
exist.) Based in Las Vegas, Teazled creates
traditional, yet unique, greeting cards
specifically for the LGBT community and
their families and friends. Founded in 2011
by Dina Proto and Dina Poist-Proto, their
vision of creating cards by us and for us
was immediately embraced by the LGBT
community, which has allowed the lesbian
business to expand rapidly.
Now, Proto and Poist-Proto are giving
back by teaming up with a handful of
select LGBT centers around the U.S.
HOTTEE
OF THE MONTH
Because you're never too grown up to
channel your inner tomboy!
$35, tomboyx.com
Their cards are available for sale at
each location, with all profits to benefit
the center. "Each center will have the
autonomy to pick the specific cards
they want and price them as they see fit
in an effort to meet the needs of their
community," says Proto. "If a teenager
were to come in with the desire to
purchase a card, however not enough in
their pocket to do so, the center could opt
to provide a card for little to no cost and
still yield a healthy profit
due to the balance of
many cards selling at full
retail price."
Teazled cards are family
appropriate and address
support issues that are near
and dear to our hearts. With
their tagline "Tell Them,"
Teazled offers over 200
different cards throughout
the year that cover 42
unique relationships.
(teazled.com)
-Hassina Obaidy
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
15
boyfriend of several years, can
do whatever the hell she wants.
Correction: she does do
LESBOFILE
whatever the hell she wants,
BY JOCELYN VOO
the Oscar winner made her
-
as evidenced by her recent
involvement in the defense of
Melissa's getting hitched-again, Tilda lets her
Pride flag fly and a lyrical pop star cat fight.
LGBT rights in Russia. Despite
potential jail time penalties,
mark by releasing a photo of
her holding a rainbow flag in
front of Moscow's Kremlin, with
Wedding Belles
kiss wasn't the first time she's
up for people like me in the
the caption "In solidarity. From
It's official: lezzies are gettin'
nuzzled up with another female
LGBT community."
Russia with love," which has
hitched in the Golden State.
in real life. "It is nice not to have
And who else among the first
to worry about razor burn,"
Sharnee Zoll-Norman, guard
to declare their intentions
Banks notes.
for the Chicago Sky. Notably,
to walk down the aisle than
Even more reason to love
The other is WNBA baller
this isn't exactly a "coming out"
now gone viral online.
Swinton, we love you right
back.
Melissa Etheridge and her
her: she has great taste in girl
for Zoll-Norman. The basketball
Bad Romance
girlfriend of three years, Linda
crushes. "Angelina Jolie is
player is not only married, but
In this long history of jilted
Wallem?
always super hot, and Christina
has also made reference to her
musicians making personal
Hendricks is pretty ridiculous,
wife in previous interviews.
jabs at enemies in some of
find matching socks!! But
but I think I would have a lot of
But with her interview with the
their songs (or even all of their
I can still get legally mar-
fun with Emma Stone."
Windy City Times, this is the
first time she's addressing it
publicly for print.
"I never felt whether I'm
gay, straight, bi, [or] whatever
that my sexuality had anything
to do with me as a basketball
player, and I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with
me as a person," she says. "If
I was straight, I wouldn't have
to come out and say that I was
straight."
songs ...cough ...Taylor Swift...
"So excited today I couldn't
ried," Etheridge tweeted.
For all the ladies who are
Two New MVPs
now fiendishly setting up wed-
Though not unfamiliar with
ding registries at REI (we know
the limelight, top-tier female
you're out there), our heartiest
athletes have been making
congratulations-we
made it!
news lately more for their offthe-court dalliances than their
Kiss and Tell
athletic feats. This month, more
If you haven't seen the 2001
than one woman publicly
satire Wet Hot American
addresses her sexuality.
National Women's Soccer
Summer, here's the Cliff's
Notes version: Elizabeth Banks
League's Sarah Huffman, a
makes out with Marisa Ryan.
midfielder for the Western New
OK, that was just one of the
York Flash, is also a member
critical bullet points we drew
from it.
cough), an unforeseen one
surfaced recently between
music forces Lana Del Rey and
Lady Gaga-two artists who, by
all accounts, were previously
thought to be comrades.
It's speculated that Del
Rey's leaked song, "So Legit,"
could've been written as early
as 2007, but choice lyrics still
pack a sting: "Stefani, you
suck/I know you're selling 20
million," Del Rey sings. "Wish
From Russia with Love
they could have seen you
of Athlete Ally, an organization
It can probably be said that
when we booed you off in
working to eradicate homopho-
Tilda Swinton, the highly
Williamsburg."
bia in sports. As part of her
educated arthouse actor, avant
Another jab: "You're looking
statement on Ally's website,
garde fashion model, and wom-
like a man/you're talking like a
actor tells The Advocate that
Huffman also comes out: "I am
an with a longtime partner and
baby," she continues. "Have we
the impromptu, non-scripted
excited to be an ally and stand
a devoted decades-younger
all gone Gaga crazy?"•
But now over a decade later,
the straight Hunger Games
16
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
TRENDS/SHE
s
I
I
...•••
/lil
"Oh God,
who hasn't.
Yeah."
- Cher, on if she'd ever
had a same-sex lover,
on Watch What
Happens Live
17
st PROFILE
Julia Applegate
Cincinnati
> HealthandGenderActivist
It started with a desire to party. Fed up
with the lack of choices, the then-DJ Julia
Applegate found herself pitching a dyke/drag
king revival to a local bar in Cincinnati. "We
ended up drawing a crowd of 200 plus dykes
to a bar that normally had 12 people in it on a
Saturday night," she recalls.
So loved was the drag king part of the show
that Applegate and her business partner went
on to form the H.I.S. Kings, eventually took the
show national, and in 1999 produced the first
International Drag King Extravaganza drawing
together drag kings, academics, photographers and theater performers.
Currently Applegate serves as Program
Manager on the Sexual Health Promotion
team for the city of Columbus, Ohio working
as an LGBT Health Advocate. And when she's
not developing cultural competency trainings
to address health disparities for the city, she's
acting as Board President of the Gay and
Lesbian International Sport Association.
Over the years, says Applegate, big
changes in the LGBT civil rights movement
have occurred. Today, the issue is part of
mainstream dialogue, on a daily basis. Things
that could barely be mentioned are now on
the news, part of popular culture and part of
church sermons all over.
But there is more work to be done.
"In Ohio I can't get married to my domestic partner, I have no legal rights to the two
children I am raising, I am not on the same
health insurance policy as my partner, and on
and on," she says. "We are more fortunate in
North America than the LGBT community in
many other parts of the world where simply
acting on your same-sex feelings is punishable by death or other legal measures. We
have changed many people's minds. Now we
need to change the law."-Sheryl Kay
18
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Bureau, an advertising watchdog, has dismissed
complaints about a billboard showing a pregnant
woman accompanied by the text "Congratulations,
you're having a lesbian." The advertisement by
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays was
designed to spread the message that children
are born gay. One of the received complaints
stated, "If science can prove one is having a
lesbian/homosexual, should one abort?"
INTHE
SOUTH
AUSTIN
neighborhood of Chicago's West
Side, two women were pinned
against a car by 10 men who
took turns punching and k1ck1ng
them while yelling homophobic
slurs at the couple The attack
stemmed from a man who had
gone to high school with one of
the women, recognized her and
began following and taunting her
One of the men has been arrested
and Is being charged with felony
counts of hate crime and robbery,
police are still looking for the
other attackers
THENAMEY
FAMILY
IN
Pennsylvania awoke to a swastika
burned into their front lawn, and
a pickup truck vandalized The
homeowner John Namey says
he believes that his home was
targeted because "I have a 16
year old daughter who Is openly
gay, and Is proud, and we are
proud of her" He spoke about
how his daughter has been
bullied at school, and Is afraid to
ride the school bus The Buffalo
Township police are InvestIgatIng
POLICE
INUPPER
DARBY,
Penn were called to a local
McDonald's after two women
were attacked In the parking lot
After receIvIng complaints from
other customers that two women
had entered the bathroom
together, the manager opened
the bathroom door to find the
women In sexual actIvIty The
women were followed outside
where one of the women was
stabbed In the shoulder Police
are revIewIng security footage to
1dent1fy1nd1v1duals
involved In the
attack
KEELIE
SHAY
ISSUING
HER
former high school Kamiak
High 1n Mukilteo, Wash. saying
that four and half years ago
she was a starter on the girls'
basketball team but when her
coaches learned she was In a
lesbian relat1onsh1pwith a fellow
teammate she was removed
from the starter posItIon Shay
says she had no choice but leave
the school Shay Is seeking an
undisclosed amount In monetary
damages The school d1str1ct
has declined to comment
Men, Women & Power
When it comes to politics, are we secretly sexist?
BY VICTORIA
A
A. BROWNWORTH
t the end of July, the same day former Congressman and New York City
mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner was coping with his campaign manager quitting, Twitter had #Hillarymovietitles trending. NBC had just
announced it was making a mini-series on the former Secretary of State
starring Oscar-nominee Diane Lane.
Some of the titles were amusing, like "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Suits;' but
most were anti-Hillary with an undertone of viciousness, like 'i\bandoning Private
Ryan;' "The Lyin' The Witch and the Cankles;' "The Worst Years of Our Lives" and
"Swindler's List:'
The same day a political website began running an anti-Hillary video. Already. With
2016 three years off. Weiner was the real
news, but the anti-Hillary meme was getting equal time on social media.
A few days later, a lead story on the
news was a private lunch at the White
House between President Obama and
Hillary Clinton, but that lunch was paired
with Weiner's second fall from grace.
These events may not seem connected, but they are. There remains an overt
double standard-sexist
at its core-of
treatment of men versus women in the
political sphere. A former Secretary of
State and likely presidential contender can
be having lunch with a sitting president,
yet the sneering about her political chances
is conflated with those of a disgraced former congressman.
As we say on social media: WTF:1 I'm
not going to re-hash the incomparably sexist treatment of Hillary Clinton in 2008 by
the media, including women like New York
Times columnist Maureen Dowd. But
when then-MSNBC pundit Keith Olbermann said Hillary should be taken to a back
room by a delegate and only one of them
should come out, that violent statement
epitomized her treatment throughout the
race. The attitude pundit after pundit took
was that Hillary should drop out of the
campaign-even as she was winning the
popular vote and running the major states.
Until the New York City mayoral race,
that is. New York is the largest city in
America. It's also, hands-down, the most
diverse. It's also the gayest, San Francisco
notwithstanding.
Yet New York has
never had an openly gay mayor ( rumors
abounded that Ed Koch was gay, but he
never came out) nor has it ever had a
woman mayor.
This was going to be the year when
both those things changed (kind of like
how 2008 was going to be the year America finally elected a woman president). At
47, Christine C. Quinn has been in politics all her life. Speaker of the New York
City Council since 2006, she is the first
woman and first openly queer person to
hold that office, the second most powerful
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
19
st POLITICS
in the city. Quinn has been a member of
City Council since 1999.
Quinn was polling at 37 percent in a
field of nine Democratic candidates and
four Republican candidates when Weiner entered the race. She was by far the
likely candidate to win the September
primary ( the election is Nov. 5). But
those who may have had reservations
about a woman or a lesbian being mayor
leapt onto the Weiner bandwagon as
soon as he announced. All, it seemed,
was forgiven for Weiner. But why?
Eliot Spitzer, former Democratic governor of New York who resigned in disgrace
after having been caught in a prostitution
scandal just a year into his term, also
announced he was running for New York
City Comptroller.
As Weiner dropped in the polls, Quinn
didn't rise, however: Bill De Blasio did.
Though Quinn remained in the lead, De
Blasio has been pumping his liberal cred
by getting arrested at a protest over the
proposed closing of two borough hospitals
and putting his wife-an African-American
and "former lesbian" ( she wrote about her
lesbianism for Essence magazine)-front
and center in his campaign as a hedge
against Quinn.
So: Women like Clinton or Quinn who
have served in their jobs not just faithfully
and with distinction, but without scandal
and without being caught with prostitutes
or sending texts of their nether regions to
people half or a third their age, are ripped
by the media for the style of their hair,
the size of their breasts or the fact that
they don't wear skirts, and men who have
engaged in illicit-or in Spitzer's case, illegal-activities get a pass.
Again, why?
The boys-will-be-boys-but-girls-betterbe-virgins social dictate of the 1950s is
still applicable to politics in 2013. Female
candidates are allowed no mistakes (witness the pillorying of Sarah Palin in 2008),
while male candidates are afforded every
opportunity to reinvent, redeem or just
plain ignore their blatant errors in judgment, lying and, as in the case of Spitzer or
Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), illegal actions.
Women voters are made to feel they are
prudish if they demand that candidates
20
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
like Weiner, Spitzer or Vitter withdraw
in the face of sex scandals. But as former
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said
about Weiner when his new scandal was
revealed, "It's disrespectful. Get out:'
Pelosi's succinctness addresses the issue
Weiner, Spitzer, Vitter and even Bill Clinton
Women aren't second
best. Nor should they
be merely fall back
candidates. Women
voters need to be
more respectful of
women. We also need
to ask ourselves why
we are voting for men
over women ...
''
(who at least has repented with global
good works for women in the intervening
20 years since the Lewinsky scandal) never
discuss: Your behavior, guys, is offensive to
women. And women are 54 percent of the
American populace.
As women voters, we must ask ourselves
why we are often willing to stand by our
male candidates in ways we never stand by
our female candidates. Olbermann notwithstanding, some of the most vicious
commentary I heard when I was working
on Clinton's campaign in 2008 came from
women. Yet many of those same women
now can't wait for a Clinton presidency.
Where were you in 2008, ladies?
Another question plumbs our psyches
from a distinctly Freudian perspective.
Why do we, as women, stand up for male
candidates who have so transgressed the
bounds of their social contract with the
voter? Doesn't that put us side-by-side
with beleaguered wives like Huma Aberdin and Silda Spitzer, standing by as their
husbands explain their lack of fealty.
Can we accept the truth about ourselves
with regard to men and women in politics, which is: Many of us-be we second,
simthird or fourth wave feminists-are
ply more accustomed to men in politics
than women. Regardless of our declaration of feminism or lesbianism or both,
polls show we still trust or at least accept
male authority over female authority most
of the time.
That grim sexist truth is reflected over
and over again in political races-what
other reason could there possibly be for
voters to flock to Weiner over Quinn, only
to desert him again for her once he admitted further scandal?
Women aren't second best. Nor should
they be merely fallback candidates. Women
voters need to be more respectful of women.
We also need to ask ourselves why we are
voting for men over women, even when
those men either have less experience or a
background filled with scandal.
Do we really believe a man knows
women and women's issues better than
a woman? Do we really believe only men
can negotiate politics, especially when they
can't handle their own personal lives? If so,
it's not just men waging a political war
on women, it's women themselves. When
women vote for women, women win. It's
time to break through our internalized
glass ceilings and accept ourselves. •
3
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• EHABILITA
• RETIREMENT
RE-HOM
R
Rebecca and Victoria
Veterans Rebecca Anne and Victoria Keilana Holliman share thier story of love
both pre- and post-DADT. BY MERRYN JOHNS
V
ictoria Keilana
then they flew to Washington,
It wasn't until a couple of days
Holliman, 25, and
D.C., for a courthouse wedding.
later that I realized my mistake.
She was also "straight" at the
Rebecca Anne
Then, Victoria was deployed to
It didn't take me long after that
time, and I didn't want to do
Holliman, 22, met
Germany, while Rebecca was
to realize she was the one I was
anything until she was ready.
and fell in love
assigned to stay in Monterey.
going to marry, even though
REBECCA: She kept inviting
while they were both serving in
After injuring her shoulder
she didn't know it yet.
me out and flirting with me.
the U.S. Army, before the repeal
Rebecca was discharged, but
REBECCA: I thought she was
I was only 19 at the time and
of DADT.When a barracks
can't get a command-sponsored
horrible! I tried to avoid her for
came from Oklahoma, so
roommate outed them to their
visa to live with Victoria in
weeks, but we shared the same
while I knew I liked girls, I had
homophobic commanders,
Germany, because even though
friends and she kept asking me
never been willing to go there.
they faced a five-month
DOMA has been repealed she
out, so I eventually learned she
Eventually, my crush got bad
was actually rather nice.
inquisition and were banned
doesn't count as a dependant.
from seeing each other. Less
In spite of these obstacles, they
than two weeks before the
are determined to be together.
repeal of DADT,both women
HOW
THEY
GOT
TOGETHER
VICTORIA: She definitely made
girl? Plus, I had a crush on her.
enough that I decided not to
worry. She made me feel very
safe, and that helped me a lot.
Stationed in Monterey, Calif.,
ONTHEIR
FIRST
IMPRESSIONS
the first move. When we were
OFEACH
OTHER
at parties, I would be minding
THEREACTIONS
OFOTHER
PEOPLE
they would sneak off to the
VICTORIA: I didn't like her
my own business and the next
VICTORIA: All my friends loved
beach in Carmel to see each
when we first met. I thought
thing I knew, she was snug-
her, so they were very happy
other late at night. After
she was bossy and full of her-
gling up to me or holding my
for us. A few were even jealous
that I was dating Rebecca,
were demoted and punished.
DADT was repealed, Victoria
self. It turns out that I mistook
hand. I didn't stop her because
proposed to Rebecca on that
her for someone else-some-
what lesbian in their right mind
because they had a crush on
same beach in Carmel, and
one who had been rude to me.
turns down a beautiful, sexy
her. My co-workers had mixed
22
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
reactions. Most were great, but
5. As a gay couple, we were
on us-we didn't back down.
see you happy with each other,
my first command team gave
not allowed to move out of
We both found ways to make
then there is nothing wrong
us hell for it. My mother also
the barracks and into our
sure the other one felt loved
with gleefully rubbing your
had a problem with same-sex
own house. This made it hard
and safe, we found strength in
happiness in their faces.
marriage, and that led to a big
each other, and we held each
falling out.
when we were stationed in
Monterey-living separately in
REBECCA: My wife's mother
the barracks.
attends a fundamentalist Filipino
REBECCA: It is very difficult to
Baptist church. Unfortunately,
feel like we are making prog-
the two of them had a major
ress in our life when we keep
falling out that tore her whole
family apart. They haven't
hitting obstacles that are out
of our control and very little
spoken for almost two years.
seems to work out in our favor.
Right after we started dating,
Most of these obstacles are still
someone turned us in for being
not fully resolved, but we are
gay, and that was hell. But after
hanging in there and things are
I changed command teams, all
slowly getting easier for us.
my new co-workers and bosses
Most of my friends were very
WHAT
MAKES
THEM
WORK
ASACOUPLE
happy for me and didn't care if
VICTORIA: We understand and
I was with a woman, so long as
love each other. I am madly in
I felt loved. My family needed
love with her and she with me,
were incredibly supportive.
other up when we were down.
ONTHEFUTURE
TOGETHER
''
WHAT'S
ABtTTtR
REBECCA: We dream of being
able to do simple things that
even most lesbians take for
granted, things like cooking
dinner together, falling asleep
in the same bed or being able
WAY
TOSAY
l YOU'
TOTHt
THAN
HATtRS
THROUGH
YOUR
HAPPINtSS.
to become "puppy parents."
We have no idea when we will
be able to actually set up a
life together, but we still enjoy
being married to each other
more than anything on earth.
Every morning [on German
time], my wife gets up before
work-which
''
in the military is
offensively early-and
calls me
on Skype to talk for about half
some time to get used to the
but we both also understand
idea that I was a lesbian, but
what the other one needs. I
they have gone to really admi-
understand when she needs
Find that strength and keep
rable lengths to be supportive.
space, or when she needs
charging on, because what's
because I am pretty sure that
someone to talk to, or when
a better way to say "F you" to
we are not only in love, but that
she just needs some attention.
the haters than through your
we still have a crush on each
We are complete opposites,
happiness.
other. I thought that crushes
VICTORIA: I honestly can't
but we balance each other.
REBECCA: Fight against
were supposed to fade after
remember our first argument.
When I'm acting crazy, she's
opposition when you have the
a few years, but I still feel my
REBECCA: She has this really
reasonable, and when she's
opportunity-but
stomach drop and my heart stop
great habit of forgetting that
acting crazy, I take a turn being
fight them, just wait them out.
when she smiles at me. Even
we are fighting. It is difficult
the reasonable one.
Ultimately, no one outside
though we don't have anything
to stay mad at someone who
REBECCA: Ever since the begin-
of your relationship has the
close to a traditional married
forgets that she is mad at you.
ning of our relationship we have
power to taint your love, and if
life, we still cannot imagine our
So I normally get over it, and
completely understood where
it threatens them so much to
life without each other. •
if I have been a total jerk, I buy
the other one was coming from
her shoes. I have yet to screw
and what she needed. We are
up badly enough that shoes
also very practical. Don't get
don't buy me forgiveness.
me wrong, we are sickeningly
THE
OBSTACLES
THEY
HAVE
FACED
TOBETOGETHER
fight and be annoyed some-
VICTORIA: Can I name my Top
stubborn people I can think of.
5? 1. Almost getting kicked out
We decided that we would not
of the Army for being gay. 2.
let life tear us apart and so we
DEALING
WITH
THEIR
DIFFERENCES
hold on, no matter how many
things go wrong.
difference. 4. Before DOMA
was repealed [and even now],
outfits for our Skype dates,
times. We are also the two most
other for a month. 3. Being
in a long-distance relation-
We still dress up in our cutest
in love, but we also expect to
Being ordered to not see each
ship with a nine-hour time
if you can't
an hour and "tuck me into bed."
THEIR
ADVICE
TOOTHER
COUPLES
TRYING
TOSTAY
TOGETHER
I could not sponsor her to live
VICTORIA: When my gorgeous
with me in Germany, and we
wife and I were facing opposi-
do not receive any benefits, so
tion from other soldiers and our
it is difficult to stay together.
companies, we concentrated
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
23
CURVE JUST
GOT COOLER.
VIDEO+ANIMATION+
ADVANCED NAVIGATION ...
vou~LL WANT TO TOUCH.
VIEWS/
I~esbian S.O.S.
(save our sex lives)
It's time to shake things up and bid your
comfort zone farewell. ev LIPSTICK & 01PsT1cK
LIPSTICK+OI
PSTI
hanging out with other lesbians.
in show-and-tell, watching
others get it on will have you
If you don't know where to start,
tearing at each other's blouses.
try a meet-up group. Check
Check out some lesbian-made
on line for groups with activities
porn by Shine Louise Houston.
you might enjoy. There are
Better yet, talk to each other
legions of lesbians who hike, go
about what "spicing it up"
to movies, discuss books, attend
means to you, and take a class
plays, art museums and car
in kink or kissing at your local
shows. But remember, making
woman-friendly sex store.
friends and finding community
takes time. Be patient, be brave,
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I've been
with my girlfriend, who is now my fiance,
for over two years. I'm looking to spice up
our sex life. Please help. -Mild Taco
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////,'////////////////
and step out, and when the time
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
I am a young lesbian in a big
is right, work up the courage to
gay city, but I have no clue
ask someone out.
where to find girls. My problem
is, I look so feminine that I am
Lipstick: Lil' chickadee, just
mistaken for straight, even
like Dip said, you have to put
though I am completely out of
yourself out there. You can't
the closet. I don't want to just
expect her to fly through your
it be that people simply don't
do the bar scene, and Internet
open window like a fairy. You're
hogtie and spank each other as
dating weirds me out. I also
going to have to work for it,
often as they should? If you're
have zero gaydar, and I've never
just as you would for any goal
in a monogamous relationship,
hit on anyone in my life, so I
worth pursuing, and that means
and you want it to stay that
don't quite know how to. What
facing your fears, shouldering
way, I've got a tip for you-one
do I do?-Su/king
the awkward situations, and
in Chicago
bouncing back from rejection.
that I'm pointing out with my
There is no other way around
riding crop. Surrender to your
Dipstick: Sulking, it's easy to
fiance, be at her mercy, and
sit at home, stare in the mirror,
it. If you can take one step,
let her do whatever she wants
brush your long girly locks, and
you can take another, and then
to you. Then switch it up. Let
wonder why you can't meet
another. Start slowly. How about
Dipstick: Cayenne pepper. It's
go of all control. That will take
anyone decent. It takes stepping
this: Tomorrow, you get a free
a great spice. Or some fancy
everything up several notches.
back from your reflection and
membership at Curve Personals.
smoked paprika. I once heard
Beyond submission, I've got
looking into someone else's eyes
Even though you say it creeps
that turmeric has erotic powers.
two more words for you:
to make a connection-love
you out, sign up anyway. Simply
Try one of those.
nipple clamps!
otherwise. The "mistaken for
or
create a silly handle-you don't
straight" thing is just an excuse
have to upload a photo or
Lipstick: Really, Dipstick?
Dipstick: Well, Taco, if 50
you're telling yourself. You can
anything-and
(Sigh.) Doesn't everyone know
Shades of Grey isn't your thing,
come up with a hundred better
at available women. There is no
just start looking
it's all about cumin?
check out the Erotica section of
ones than "I don't like bars"
risk here, because you're totally
Cleis Books. You're sure to get
and "the Internet weirds me
anonymous. What do you have
Dipstick: Sorry, Lip. It's just that
some inspiration from one of
out." The best way to let people
to lose? Well, just the girl of your
we've gotten some variation
these titles: True Lesbian Erotic
know you're a lesbian is also the
dreams, but that's only if you
on the "spice it up" question
Confessions, edited by Chelsea
best way to meet them-start
don't make a move! After you're
month after month for years.
James; Best Black Women's
comfortable with that, why not
Why is this one so hard for
Erotica, edited by Blanche
create a profile, again with an
lesbians to figure out?
Richardson; Lesbian Vampire
anonymous handle, so no one
Lipstick: It's not solely a lezzie
Erotica, edited by Delilah
knows you, and start chatting
Devlin; or my personal favorite,
with women? If you need help,
drop us a line again and we can
conundrum, Dip. Straight folks
Girls Who Score: Hot Lesbian
face the same vanilla beans in
Erotica, edited by lly Goyanes.
help you make your write-up
the boudoir. Could it be because
Reading about others' sexy
shine. You'll be amazed by the
we're not monogamous crea-
adventures always turns me on
way the world expands when
tures? Could it be that variety
and gives me inspiration. For
you unlock your door. Open
is the spice of life? Or could
those who prefer the "show"
your heart and your mind! •
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
25
st
TRUTHOR OARE
The Vagina
Dialogues
Our Sapphic sexperts share their experiences.
BY JINCEY LUMPKIN & CARLIN ROSS
last time you were unabash-
CARLIN
I've always loved my vulva-
edly naked in a room full of
and by "vulva" I mean my
strangers?
clitoris, my inner and outer
We talked and talked, but
lips, and my vaginal open-
the real point of the class was
ing. Everything that brings
to get to know your body,
me pleasure. But for the
particularly your pussy, and to
majority of women that's not
let go of all shame. A key part
the case. Most of us think that
of this Bodysex experience is
there's something wrong down
called Genital Show-and-Tell. ..
there.
standard persists in our culture
In other words, we all looked
Believe it or not, I have
today, porn that shows em-
at one another's private bits.
my Christian fundamentalist
mother to thank for my Pussy
powering images of women is
Betty went first and announced
still considered revolutionary.
loudly, "OK, you're all gonna
Pride. While my childhood
Yet men can have as much sex
see what an 84-year-old pussy
was replete with admonitions
as they want and no one ever
looks like!"
against premarital sex, I was
says, "Oh, the guys in this por-
JINCEY
they were born. When was the
It was eye-opening to see 10
taught to love my body. Before
no movie are such sluts. Look
women's spread-eagle vulvas.
my mother found Jesus, she
how much they like banging!"
Everyone's lady fortress was
was an artist. Nudity was
or "They must be desperate for
a different shape, a different
common in my household. The
money if they are doing this.
texture, a different hue. One
first vulva I ever saw was
How disgusting."
girl's pussy shimmered, chang-
my mother's. We did a lot of
But I really don't want to fo-
ing colors like a moonstone. I
camping and public bathing,
cus too much on the negative.
named my vulva Eve because
but one camping trip stands
What I'm interested in is giving
I wanted to give my woman-
out from all the others. It was
you a space to feel happy and
hood a new history, fully reborn
where I learned how to spell
Welcome to the only sex advice
free. Carlin and I want to take
and in complete opposition to
the word "clitoris" and I had my
column you'll ever need: "Truth
you away on a journey each
Western religion's strict ideas
first orgasm.
or Dare," available exclusively
month to a place where we can
about the deviant nature of
in Curve! And we'd also like to
openly talk about sex-a calm
female sexuality.
introduce you to our vaginas.
spot in your hectic life where
Now I think about Eve as a
you can relax and think about
part of me but also as a living
to whip out a crotch photo.
your sexual fantasies. We want
organism separate from me.
summer vacation. I knew that
Rather, Carlin and I want to
to tell our stories, dream with
Eve responds to stimuli that
there would be daily sermons
share our memories of when
you, and get into a deep, rich,
Jincey might not consciously
and hours of prayer, but I
we first felt Pussy Power.
fun exploration of sexuality.
be comfortable with.
also knew that I'd get the top
Don't worry-I'm
not going
As a feminist porn producer,
On that note, I want to tell
Sometimes Eve wants things
My parents borrowed
a friend's camper, and we
headed to the Blue Mountain
Christian Retreat for our
bunk in the trailer and could
I often face questions like "Isn't
you that it was actually Carlin
that Jincey just can't give her.
wander around by myself-after all, we were surrounded
porn degrading to women?"
who introduced me to my own
And that's OK! What's most im-
and "Aren't women objecti-
pussy, or, more precisely, to my
portant is that I no longer think
by Christians. When you're 9,
fied by porn?" Certainly, that
own vulva.
of my vagina as a dirty place or
that's pretty freaking awesome.
can be the case with a lot of
Carlin and her business
a shameful area. I know what
On the drive up, I went over
a list of words I'd written in
old-school porn, which is mass-
partner, the legendary sex edu-
my lovely lady part looks like,
produced by men for men.
cator Betty Dodson, give these
and I love her!
However, in the porn I produce,
mind-blowing classes called
spelling bee champion-and
I always work to present a posi-
Bodysex Workshops. Back
I heard a word I'd never heard
in April, Carlin invited me to
before, I would write it down
tive image of female sexuality.
attend one of those workshops.
I think there is so much
my diary. I was the reigning
and badger my parents for the
power in claiming our sexuality.
Imagine this scene: Carlin
definition. "Mom," I asked,
Women should be able to stand
answered the door without
"what does the word 'cli-
up proudly and say, "I like sex!"
any clothes on and 10
and not be slandered for it.
women sat Indian-style on
brief moment of silence
Because a sick double
the floor, naked as the day
before she replied, "It's
26
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
if
toris' mean?" There was a
the part of your body that
of your vulva with the soap." It
makes sex feel good." I scrib-
felt good and I got a tingle
woke up with my hand down
bled it down in my diary and
from touching myself in front
my panties. As the feelings got
didn't think twice about it.
of all the other women.
Despite all the nudity, my
Then my mother walked
In the middle of the night, I
more and more intense, I found
myself thinking about Colleen
mother is a bit germapho-
over, picked me up from
bic. Thank God we didn't have
behind, and lifted me toward
and Brian (my school crushes).
hand sanitizer back then or
the showerhead. The water
felt so real, like they were right
I imagined kissing them-it
I would have been slathered
hit my clitoris with the most
there with me. Suddenly, I was
in it. Our first morning at
intense pressure I'd ever expe-
experiencing a new feeling ...a
camp, we had to hit the public
rienced. Both my love of water
mixture of pressure, tension
baths. My mom, my little sister,
and my exhibitionist tenden-
and tingling. Then, as soon
and I each headed out with a
cies were born in that moment!
as I'd felt it, it was gone. I
plastic sandwich bag filled with
I don't remember how we
stretched out my legs and let
our own personal soap and
spent the rest of our day, but I
the good feelings travel over
washcloth.
imagine that after enjoying hot
my body.
At camp there were commu-
dogs and S'mores on the fire, it
The power of sharing nudity
nal showers, all in one general
was time for bed. We brushed
with a group of women and the
showering area. No curtains or
our teeth, and I climbed into
direct clitoral stimulation from
doors to separate us. The show-
my bunk nestled at the top
that showerhead ushered me
erheads were against the wall,
of the camper. I could touch
into womanhood. I consider it
side-by-side. I lathered up and
the ceiling with my hands. We
the night I lost my virginity. And
heard my mother announce,
were all together, but I was
that, dear readers, was the first
"Make sure to get in the folds
also alone.
of my many orgasms. •
Next month we'll be
talking about lesbian
sexual intimacy. Do you
feel the urge to merge?
Why do we criticize our
lovers? How can we create
an open environment to
communicate what we
want in the bedroom?
CHECK US OUT
ONLINE!
Jincey at Jincey.com and her
hot lesbian porn at
JuicyPinkBox.com
Carlin's amazing
sex education at
DodsonAnd Ross.com
Hit us up on social media
and tell your stories about
#PussyPower!
Why do you love your vag?
@JuicyJincey
@DodsonAnd Ross
@TheRealCurve
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
27
BEST
SUMMER
OUTINGS
In New York, the LGBT community at its finest.
On Saturday, June 29, the Out-Fit Challenge Mud Run
took place at Tuxedo Park to support the Family Equality
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Council and the Ali Forney Center. The event was a huge
I-
success, and a demonstration of strength and solidarity
aJ
after the June 26 repeal of DOMA. New York City's
Annual Gay Pride Parade on June 30 was even more
celebratory than usual, with Grand Marshall Edie Windsor,
accompanied by her victorius attorney Roberta Kaplan
receiving nonstop applause and approval from a crowd
who braved showers to be part of an historic year.
28
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
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VIEWS/
Breaking the
Pink Ceiling
How to come out and find your power.
BY SHERRY BERMAN
I was 45 years old when I came out.
As a stay-at-home mom with a husband
and two young sons, with part-time
work as a career counselor, with a
house on a suburban cul-de-sac in
the San Francisco Bay Area, coming
out meant leaving all my security,
everything I knew (except my sonsthey came with me) to enter an
unknown world.
ADVI
practices into my career coun-
I was terrified of revealing
myself completely, and for
seling work. I met a wonderful
good reason. As it turns out,
colleague, Julie Gleeson, who
I was rejected by my parents
became my business partner,
and unpopular with my former
and, in quick succession, we
communities. I was alone and
created the Career Wisdom
Institute, co-authored a best-
on my own.
But I didn't care because I
selling book, and rewrote
the very paradigms of career
was finally free to be me.
counseling.
By coming out, I became
In truth, the day I came out
honest with others and with
myself about who I am on a
of the closet was the day I
deep level. I stopped hiding the
shattered my own ceiling to
very best parts of me. I started
success.
aligning my whole being with
how I live in the world-and
this
changed everything.
Not only did my personal life
"Ceiling" or "closet," "lavender" or "pink"-whatever
terminology we use, we're
ultimately talking about the
shift dramatically, my profes-
internal and external limitations
sional life started to blossom
gay women face in finding suc-
as well. I began incorporating
cess and deep satisfaction in
my Buddhist and shamanic
their work.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
29
st ADVICE
icons Rachel Maddow, Suze
changing, its attitudes about
have a support team in place.
ans from taking risks, exploring
These limitations stop lesbi-
Orman, and Ellen DeGeneres.
homosexuality
Pick your strongest professional
opportunities, asking for raises,
These lesbians are reaching out
to the public, shifting mind-
if we do not examine our
allies at your job (if you have
demanding equal and fair
own internalized and limiting
any). Or go wider: Most cities
treatment in the workplace, and
sets and cultural norms, and
belief systems.
developing close relationships
opening the door for lesbians
with co-workers.
According to the Center for
will not matter
It is this fear of being truly
have LGBT professional networks and a Gay Chamber of
everywhere. According to the
who we are that directly affects
Commerce. Join these groups
2012 Out & Equal Workplace
our income, job opportunities
and start to network with other
lesbian professionals.
Work-Life Policy, people who
Advocates Survey, 73 percent
and overall satisfaction with
describe themselves as "in the
of our heterosexual allies say
our work. To break through the
Another great organiza-
closet" at work are more likely
they support policies that ban
lavender ceiling within, start by
tion, Out & Equal Workplace
to mistrust their employers,
discrimination against LGBT
challenging your thinking.
experience greater job turnover
people, and 51 percent of
and feel stalled or dissatisfied
those allies also say they speak
encing dissatisfaction with your
with their rates of promotion
up when they hear anti-gay
job or career, ask yourself the
LGBT Employee Resource
and advancement.
remarks in the workplace.
following questions:
Groups, or ERGs. ERGsare ere-
So how do we start to break
Slowly, and with a lot of
through the lavender ceilings,
effort, the external ceiling for
rise above the pink plateaus
lesbian and bisexual women
and exit the glass closets?
is being raised and progress is
First, we need to distinguish
being made.
between the challenges that
exist outside ourselves and
The Ceiling Within
those that are-perhaps
The second ceiling derives
more
importantly-within.
from the unconscious belief
The External Ceiling
systems of our childhoodinternal limits that, if left
The world of work has been
unexamined, can inhibit lesbian
hostile to the LGBT professional
career growth and success, and
for a long time. Currently, it
last a lifetime.
is still legal in 29 states to fire
The average person in
someone for being gay, and,
Western culture, according to
according to a study from the
standard career counseling
Center for Talent Innovation,
protocols, begins career
74 percent of lesbians say they
development and exploration
encounter bias based on sexual
at 12 years of age. Teenagers
orientation.
who experience early trauma,
Lesbians also face the dou-
shame, bullying, sexual abuse,
ble whammy of being female
or early drug and alcohol
and gay, increasing the risk of
addiction are more likely
discrimination. In the United
to find their professional
Kingdom, this is referred to as
development stunted.
the "double-glazed glass ceil-
Because lesbians discover
ing." And if you are a member
their sexual orientation at differ-
of a racial minority, the ceiling
ent ages and associate varying
drops in even closer to the top
levels of trauma with coming
of your head.
out, there can be a delay in
The good news is: the world
is gradually changing.
More and more, high-profile
lesbians are challenging the
past norms of invisibility in their
If you are currently experi-
identity development, which
Advocates, offers support and
diversity training to employers,
encouraging them to have
ated to empower minorities to
-If you were not gay, what
work would you be doing?
-Are there professions you
avoid because they are too
"hetero," too "butch," too
"femme" or "cliche"?
-Is there a promotion you
want and deserve but will
not request for fear of being
noticed?
-Do you stay away from
people because you are afraid
they will not accept you?
-Do you lead a double life?
Straight at work and gay at
home?
-If you were not scared, what
would you be asking for?
have a stronger voice and more
opportunity in the workplace. If
an LGBT ERGdoes not currently
exist in your company, Out &
Equal can help you start one.
If you believe your work
environment will not support
your being your fullest self,
then it might be time to find
another employer. The Human
Rights Campaign (hrc.org)
conducts annual reviews of
nondiscrimination policies
and benefits information, all of
which are available via public
documents posted online.
-What channels have
you closed yourself off
from because of shame or
perceived stigma?
The information provided is
-Do you negotiate your
salary, or simply accept what
is offered?
the HRC's Corporate Equality
-Do you stay in your job
because you do not believe
you will be hired anywhere
else?
spend the majority of your wak-
-If you were the kindest
parent, teacher or mentor to
yourself, what would you give
yourself permission to do
orbe?
obtained from employers who
have voluntarily participated in
Index survey.
Work is the place where you
ing hours and is one of the best
sources of community.
Living those hours authentically and in connection with
your co-workers is an opportunity for healing, for you and for
those around you as well.
In order for you to explore
affects work efficacy, personal
what true professional success
BOTTOM LINE: In order to
confidence, growth, explora-
could look like in your life, two
grow into whole human beings,
tion and career establishment.
Lesbian career develop-
things must exist: a) the belief
in order to bring more peace
that you can change and b)
into this world, we all, straight
professional lives, stepping into
ment is thus not based on
the support you need to make
and gay, need to care for one
the spotlight, winning political
age or education, but on
change happen.
another. As your awareness of
office, claiming their rightful
when we come out to our-
place as role models.
selves and others.
Thank you, Senator Tammy
Baldwin. Thank you, media
30
CURVE
OCTOBER
Ultimately, how much the
external world is shifting and
2013
If you believe you are ready
your innate power begins to
to break through your internal
expand, so too will real change
ceiling and make changes in
and opportunity grow-and
your work, then it will help to
sky will be the only limit.•
the
MUSIC
»
BOOKS
»
FlLM»
curve
A True Debut
Tylan Greenstein of Girlyman unveils One True Thing,
her first solo album. ev DAVE STEINFELD
M
ostpeopleknowTylan"Ty"
Greenstein as a member of
Girlyman, the enduring,
openly queer folk~pop
foursome. Tylan and her close friend Doris
Muramatsu started out in New Jersey as
a Simon and Garfunkel-influenced
duo.
They later added Nate Borofsky and became
known for producing inspired three~part
harmonies. After the group relocated to
Georgia, they added a drummer, JJ Jones.
Over the course of a decade, Girlyman
released half a dozen albums, toured inces~
sandy, and developed an engaging stage
presence, which only added to the appeal
of their live shows.
Then, in the fall of 2010, the unthinkable
happened. Muramatsu started to feel slug~
gish during a tour of the U.K. and a short
time later was diagnosed with leukemia.
Although Muramatsu was in remission by
the end of 2011, and Girlyman released a
new album, Supernova, last year, they dis~
covered all was not well as they went back
on the road to promote it. "It rocked us so
hard;'Tylan says of her bandmate's diagno~
sis and treatment for cancer. "Emotionally
and financially. And I think that we never
really recovered. It put too much pressure
on us. And we put a lot of pressure on our~
selves to get right back on the road, keep
touring, and kind of pretend that it never
happened. It's our livelihood, so there was a
certain necessity to getting back on the road
as soon as possible-but
it pushed us too
hard. We never bounced back fully:'
OCTOBER
2013
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REVIEWS/
MUSIC
So, late last year, to their fans' dismay,
Girlyman decided to go on an indefinite
hiatus. Muramatsu, Borofsky and Jones
are recording an album of children's songs
together as the band Django Jones. But
Tylan made the decision to step out on her
own. She released her solo debut, One True
Thing,in June. The album contains a dozen
songs, and is thematically and stylistically
similar to her work with Girlyman: The
folk-influenced music is by turns somber
and hopeful. Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls
adds her distinctive vocals to the track
''Already Fine;' and "Lying in My Grave"
features Coyote Grace on back-up. It is
no coincidence that Tylan's current paramour is that band's multi-instrumentalist,
Ingrid Elizabeth. T ylan is very happy with
the new relationship, and hopes to let the
world know it, telling a writer, "Ingrid and
I have a dream of being on the cover [of
Curve] someday:' But the road to this place
of happiness was a rocky one. At the same
time that Girlyman was making the decision to take a break, Tylan's former 16-year
relationship was coming apart. Though the
parting was ultimately an amicable one,
understandably, this, too, hit her hard.
"We both knew it had to change;' says
Tylan. "But we were tied together in what
felt like a permanent way. So unraveling
that was hard! It's in the album. There's
so many things in the album that have to
do with all these changes. I had long, lifetime friendships that ended this past year
as well. I don't know why those things all
seemed to happen at once, but I sort of have
a theory that they are meant to push you
into the next part of your life, that one part
of your life is completed in some way. And
I think making the album saved my lifehonestly. Because I almost felt like my life
was over. Everything that I had done up to
that point-everything
that felt stable and
that I had counted on to create meaning in
my life-came crashing down:'
When asked about the inspiration for
the title track, which closes the disc, she
says, "Through a time of [such big] change,
a question came into my mind: 'What is
the thing that doesn't change through all
that? What's the grounding, solid thing?'
Even through it all, there was something
that kept me going. There was some kind
of truth that I still felt didn't disappear.
So that song was an attempt to talk about
what that is, without doing so explicitly.
That tends to be how I write:'•
32
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OCTOBER
2013
HOT
LICKS
))BYRACHEL
SHATTO
Lovers
AFriend
intheWorld
(Baoman
Recoroing)
Portland, Ore.'s out queer band Lovers may not be as well known
as, say, Tegan and Sara or PJ Harvey, but that's just a matter of
time. With their latest album A Friendin the World,the trio continues
to remind us why we can't just turn our back on hipster rockespecially when the scene is producing something this good. The
album was crafted as a celebration of love and friendship and the
result is a dreamy, intimate synth-laden record full of feminist wit
and atmospheric harmonies, with a queer underpinning. In other
words, we love it. Standout tracks include the seductively moody
"Oh Yeah" and the lesbian love song full of longing "Lavender Light.''
Sako
I Thought
I Was
anAlien
(PIO)
Bisexual French actor turned singer-songwriter Sako is certainly
one of a kind-much like her debut album. Sako lays down feathery
whispered lyrics to lo-fl electro beats that are strikingly confessional
missives mixed with the minutiae of the life of a vagabond musician.
Sako explains that's because each song is actually written as a
"musical letter" to a specific person. She also describes her musical
genre as "punk secrets," which is ironic since so little is left to the
imagination. Both in lyric and intonation Sako lays bare her most
intimate and private thoughts and feelings, whether they be pleas for
acceptance or former struggles with substance abuse. What could
easily skew twee or self-indulgent is elevated by a sense of irony
and the absurd, which makes for a riveting listen.
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
DEFINE
BRANO
IMAGINE
FUTURE
DORIE CLARK
The Future Is You
How to brand yourself to meet today's career challenges.
BY HEIDI L. LEHMANN
B
eing professionally relevant and
moving forward in one's career
isn't, as they say, what it used
to be. It's rare to find anyone
today who stays at one company for 40
years and retires with a pension. Few of us
would even consider staying at the same
place (or in the same role) for 20 years! The
fact is, professional life is no longer linear.
Companies downsize, go out of business,
change course, or simply no longer suit our
personal aspirations. To survive, being flexible is a given. To thrive, you need to be a
brand and to control it. You need to master
the art of professional reinvention.
Dorie Clark, a brand expert and the
author of Reinventing You: Define Your
Brand, Imagine Your Future, doesn't just
talk the talk; she's a prime example of repositioning. Clark is intimately familiar with
the art of the personal pivot and what it
takes to successfully re-create, build, broadcast and maintain a professional brand.
Currently advising clients such as Google,
Fidelity, Yale University, Morgan Stanley,
and the Ford Foundation, as well as touring the world as a speaker-from London
to Aspen to Thailand-the
out lesbian
has a methodology that is resonating with
Fortune 500 companies and with thought
leaders across the globe.
Reinventing You is laid out in a digestible and workable step-by-step format; and
while professional reinvention does take
focus and dedication, its key components
have never been more accessible, thanks to
the pervasive connectivity and reach of
social media and the Internet.
Over a fabulous lunch at the Harvard
Club in N.Y.C., Clark and I discussed her
book and what it takes to
craft a new professional persona, in order to extend your
career longevity, success and
happiness.
When is it important to begin
to refine my personal brand?
If you're planning to change
careers-because you're pursuing a new passion, you've gotten
laid off, or your industry is changing dramatically-it's important to think about
redefining your personal brand. Also, if you
feel like your skills aren't being properly valued at your current company, even if you'd
like to stay there, it's worth thinking hard
about how to modify your brand.
What if I'm not happy in my current job?
If you're planning to make a professional
move in the near future, it's critically important to start taking charge of your brand. A
strong personal brand will help you land the
kind of job you truly want.
What if I don't have a brand to begin
with?
Actually, everyone already has a personal
brand-it's just another name for your reputation. The real question is, what is that
reputation-and is it what you want it to be:'
What is the biggest career reinvention
you have ever been through?
Starting my own marketing consultancy
seven years ago. But I've been through a
variety of reinventions-from journalist to
presidential campaign spokesperson, from
nonprofit executive director to documentary filmmaker. That experience fueled
Reinventing You, along with the dozens of
interviews I conducted with other professionals who have reinvented themselves.
How can I accurately understand how
others perceive my current "brand"?
One quick tip is to ask a number of your
trusted friends to describe you in only
three words. Their answers will be illuminating, and the patterns in what they sayand what they don't-can teach you a lot
about how others see you.
If I'm considering a change, what's the
best way to develop a sense of what my
new career path would entail?
I always suggest that people "test drive" a
new career before they fully commit. Read
OCTOBER
2013
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REVIEWS/
BOOKS
as much as you can, do informational interviews, and-especially-spend
a day or
two shadowing someone in the new profession. You can do this through your own
professional network or through a company called Vocation Vacations.
If I lack experience, how can I get a foot
in the door and start acquiring some
hands-on learning about my new career?
An often-overlooked opportunity is to join
nonprofit boards. Most boards are hungry
for professionals who are willing to roll up
their sleeves and get active, and it can be
a terrific way to learn about an industry
you're interested in [healthcare, education,
LGBT issues] or to sharpen specific skill
sets [social media, fundraising].
How can I engage with someone who
has experience in my new field, to show
me the ropes and act as a mentor?
Most older, successful professionals are
very busy, and their time is heavily in
demand. Thus, I often advise people to
broaden their horizons and think instead
about creating their own "advisory board:'
What people-experienced
professionals,
peers or even junior colleagues-do
you
admire for the specific skills they possess?
Perhaps you can tap all of them for their
wisdom. If you are lucky enough to find
one mentor, or a group of mentors, think
carefully about how you can give back: It
shouldn't be a one-way street.
How can I identify and use what is
unique about my background to stand
out from others?
I believe we're emerging from an era where
what mattered the most was how you were
similar to others-do
you look like them?
did you go to the same schools? do you
think the same way?-and entering an era
where what truly matters is how you' re
different. If you're switching fields, for instance, you can never compete on experience with someone who has had that job
since they got out of college. But you can
compete on other grounds, because your
past experience has taught you to see things
in a new way, and that can lead to breakthroughs for your company.
Do I need to be active in social media to
move the needle on my new brand?
These days, it's mandatory to have at least
some social media presence. For starters,
you need to have a robust Linkedln profile,
and a general familiarity with how to use
Facebook-though
its professional value is
probably limited, it has become a cultural
touchstone. If you're able to commit the
time, blogging and using Twitter are terrific
ways to build a robust professional brand.
Once I've accomplished my reinvention,
how do I maintain it without letting that
become too time-consuming?
Reinvention, in some ways, is a continuous
process. But if you've made a dramatic
shift, you've done the heavy lifting-now
that people think of you in your new career,
you simply want to maintain that perception, to make sure you stay top-of-mind,
in case someone wants to refer business
to you, or tell you about a new job opportunity. This is where having a social media
presence, such as a blog or a Twitter account,
can be extremely useful, so people are
periodically "pinged" with your messages
and are prompted to think about you. •
DORIE'STOP 5 BRANDINGTIPS
1 Google yourself. Look
over what's been written
about you and ask yourself
one question: If this were
the only information
someone had about me,
what would they think?
2
Read up. On your next
vacation, read several
nonfiction books about the
jobs or professions that
interest you most. Are they
still appealing-or even
more compelling-after
you've learned more?
34
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
3 Write down your "war
stories." Are there stories
you often tell about your
professional life? They can
lead you to the issues or
themes that matter to you
most, and form the core
of the narrative for your
personal brand.
4
Get a wingman.
Research in psychology
shows that no one likes a
braggart-but if a friend
talks you up, people will
think you're great. Make
a pact with a trusted
colleague to sing each
other's praises.
5 Schedule
your social
media time. It's easy for
Facebook or Twitter to
take over your life. Use
a tool like Hootsuite or
Tweetdeck to schedule
your messages for the
week, and then spend
only a few minutes a day
answering queries or
making quick updates.
EDITOR'S
PICK
Night
Shadows:
Queer
Horror
Edited
oyGreg
Herren
and
J.M.
Redmann
(Bold
It's that time of year again, the
weather is cooling, the trees are
bare, houses are festooned with
spooky Halloween decorations
and with each passing day the
nights grow longer. All of which
make it the perfect time to curl
up under the blankets, turn the
lights down low and tuck into a
creepy horror anthology. There
are plenty excellent collections of
horror short stories available, but
we suggest one that that's written
for us and by us, Night Shadows:
Queer Horror. This anthology
brings together several prominent
LGBTauthors including J.M.
Redmannand Jewelle Gomezto
spin tales of the macabre. Among
the compilation are stories of
voracious succubi who seduce
and enslave women, lesbian
vampires and a haunting by a
spirit with a mysterious agenda
who attempts to communicate
via EVP.The piece de resistance
though, is the collection's final
installment; a novella by Curve's
very own Victoria A. Brownworth
titled Ordinary Mayhem. This is
a deliciously nasty little yarn,
weaves together real world
violence and serial murder that
hits close to home for lesbian,
disaster photographer Faye.
Spine tingling and often horrific,
Ordinary Mayhem is easily
the most engrossing short
fiction this editor has read all
year. -RACHEL
SHATTO
REVIEWS/
FlLM
The Best of Frameline
This year's entries tackle sex work, South American romance, marriage equality and more.
BY KATHLEEN WILKINSON
W
hen the Supreme Court's
judgement came down
on June 26, "the gay community [was] out in the
streets kissing each other ... dancing, they
closed off traffic;' the comic Bill Maher
quipped, "and then they heard about the
ruling:' The corner of Castro and Market
was indeed roped off at 5 p.m., and music
was blasting from huge speakers while
more than 50,000 people made their way
to the late Harvey Milk's stomping ground,
feeling validated as never before. "Jusdy
Married" rainbow stickers, bubbles, candies
and the contents of innumerable confetti
bombs adorned the crowd-a full panoply
of San Francisco queers, plus about a million
guests in town for Pride.
The anxiety had been palpable as San
Francisco's annual Frameline Film Festival
got under way six days earlier. Again and
again, LGBT directors were asked to sum
up their thoughts on marriage and the
impending ruling. Most of the community
was holding its collective breath, expecting
a generally conservative Court to strike
down the California ruling that legalized
same-sex marriage. There was hardly a
Q&A that failed to reference the blackrobed deciders. Films on the subject
seemed particularly relevant. The midweek achievement brought jubilation
and fueled an even more exuberant SF
Pride celebration.
Inside the Castro Theatre, new and
returning lesbian directors basked in the
thrill that the lights of the iconic gay
landmark can bring. What better way to
celebrate than to see our lives, loves, and
artistic expression on the big screen? Here
are three of our favorite entries from this
year's festival.
CONCUSSION
With authenticity, high production values,
and a stunning performance from Robin
Weigert (Deadwood), Stacie Passon's debut
film is one of the best lesbian features of
the fest and, likely, of the year. A baseball
to the temple not only costs Abby (Weigert)
a trip to the emergency room, but, like Melvin Belli's infamous client who became a
nymphomanaic after falling off a San Francisco cable car, the blow inspires a sexual
OCTOBER
2013
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REVIEWS/
FlLM
metamorphosis. The incident with the
baseball sets in motion a series of events
that result in Abby venturing secretly into
sex work. Weigert is mesmerizing as the
desolate woman whose wife (Julie Fain
Lawrence) has completely shut down.
Lesbian moms will certainly relate to the
comic vignettes-spot-on
in conveying
the absurdity of modern-day parenting.
For those who don't already adore Weigert
as Calamity Jane, her impressive range and
depth will seal the deal for her as a lesbian
icon. Passon's brilliant choice of prostitution as an expression of Abby's desire for
another kind of life gives us plenty of lesbian sex-sometimes hot, sometimes not,
but never boring. Concussion opens this
month in theaters.
REACHING FOR THE MOON
Bruno Barreto's Reachingfor the Moon is
based on the tell-all book Rare and Commonplace Flowers, Carmen Oliveira's
semi-fictionalized account of the secret
lesbian life of the great American poet
Elizabeth Bishop (played in the film by
Miranda Otto).
The gist of the story is this: In 1951,
Bishop ran off to Rio and took up with one
of the most accomplished and unapologetic lesbians in the Americas. A self-trained
architect from the Brazilian ruling class,
Lota de Macedo Soares (played brilliantly
by Brazilian telenovella star Gloria Pires)
had no problem ordering workers around
and building a sanctuary in the lush jungle
of Samambaia for her lover, Mary Morse
(Tracy Middendorf). When Morse made
the mistake of inviting Bishop, her peculiar
Vassar friend, into her remote sanctuary,
Soares, the brazen South American butch,
fell in love with the mousy, self-abasing
poet and determined to keep both women,
refusing to be bound by patriarchal convention. At her peak, Soares spearheaded the
design and construction of Rio's Parque
do Flamengo and had grand aspirations
of creating something to rival New York
City's Central Park. However, doing battle
with the political bureaucracy in Rio and
witnessing Bishop's descent into alcoholism
unhinged the audacious Brazilian. Barreto
(Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands) took
home Frameline's Audience Award for Best
Feature in absentia. Lucky for us, Wolfe
Video announced during the Frameline fest
that it had picked up Reachingfor the Moon
for U.S. release next year.
36
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OCTOBER
2013
THE NEW BLACK
The must-see documentary of the fest was
Yoruba Richens The New Black (showing
on PBS next year). In Richens words, the
film is an exploration of "how the black
community is grappling with the gay rights
issue, in light of the marriage movement
and the fight over civil rights:'Told through
the lens of Maryland's marriage equality
referendum, Richen offers an in-depth
exploration of the differing views within
African American families and churches,
dispelling the idea of the "black church" as
speaking with one voice. She was inspired
in part by anger within the black LGBT
community: In the aftermath of the Prop.
8 victory in California, liberal gay activists
leveled blame at African American churches
for encouraging congregants to support
the anti-gay legislation. This attitude is
certainly infuriating to one of the film's
central figures, Sharon Lettman-Hicks
of the National Black Justice Coalition
(NBJC), who inspired the Castro Theatre
audience with her call for leaders of the
gay community to reach out to all races in
a more thoughtful way. The 24-year-old
Human Rights Campaign (HRC) community organizer Karess Taylor-Hughes,
another star of the show, relished the
standing ovation she received, not only for
her efforts as an inspiring youth leader in
the marriage-equality campaign in Maryland, but also for her courage in sharing a
very personal reunion and a formal coming
out with her foster mother in the film.
Honorable Mentions:
Subarna Thapa's Soongava: Dance of the
Orchids, offers a slice of lesbian life in
Kathmandu-despite
the requisite honor
killing. Nisha Adhikari is convincing as the
young butch Oiya, but it's Oeeya Maskey
as the gorgeous femme dancer Kiran who
steals the show.
Vivian Kleiman's touching Families Are
Forever, about a devout Mormon family
struggling to accept their gay son. The
family's support for California's Prop. 8
brought about a crisis for their son. •
LG
Y
ou don't become India's first openly gay comic if you
are afraid to ruffie a few feathers. So it's no surprise
that Vasu Ritu Primlani isn't afraid to skewer, deconstruct and find the funny in any topic, whether
it be gender politics, climate change or even rapeall of which could easily fall flat in the hands of a less clever comic.
When Primlani isn't blazing punch line trails on stage she's pursuing her other passion: the environment. Or more specifically,
working to make restaurants and hotels more green. And now
Primlani is bringing her special brand of courageous comedy our
way with a U.S. tour early next year.
Can you tell us how you ended up doing live performance
over an airplane PA system?
I was traveling somewhere on the West Coast, I think. I just
walked up to them, and offered to do a 15-minute set. They said,
OK, introduced me over the PA system, handed [a mic] to me. I
took it, stretched it out to the aisle so passengers could see me,
and did the show.
At first I could see question marks coming out of people's
heads; they had never had that experience before. I remember
during the show I said, "Talk about a captive audience! If you
don't like my jokes, you can always walk out!" When the plane
landed, the passengers erupted in spontaneous applause! What a
miraculous experience that was!
How do you find the humor in serious topics?
It's hard, I admit. It is, at the same time, the kind of challenge I
want to give myself. We need to be able to talk pleasantly about
issues to bridge gaps in communication and mindsets. For environmentalism, particularly, it's a topic so complex, it really needs
to be broken down into comprehensible, small sound bites.
How have people responded to you being openly gay?
I have been disbelieved. "She can't really mean that!" or "What is
that:"' Openly ridiculed, no. I am very kind through it, and carry
my dignity with me. I don't draw swords unless absolutely necessary. Men have been drunk in the shows, yes. I have put them in
their place, yes. They have never heard anyone say that to them in
their lives 'Tm gay;' and I get them to laugh with me about it.
In fact, the most memorable experience was an elderly audience
member who was upset with what the comic before me said, and
told another audience member: "I will not listen to that comic, but
I will listen to Vasu; she has a point to make:' I was amazed that
a conservative elderly Indian man would prefer to hear about my
homosexuality than a male comic.
What motivates you to keep going?
Oh, it is such a blessing to make people laugh. I have had people
come up to me and say,"I haven't smiled in three days until I saw
your show:' Another woman said, "Whenever my husband and
I fight, he uses one of your lines, and then we both laugh, and
then the fight gets diffused:'
How do you challenge patriarchy?
First, by being a female comic. For a country of 1.2 billion, I am
one of perhaps five female comics in the land. I openly insult guys
in the audience and they laugh because they know it's in good
fun-in fact, they adore it! The lines of patriarchy are drawn so
hard in Delhi, it does my heart good to come closer as friends,
men and women-and
be able to take a little good-hearted ribbing from each other.
What advice would you give to other members of the LGBT
community in India?
I think more of us need to come out-there
are thousands of us
who get out and make our identities known in the work place, at
home, where conditions are not safe and men and women are not
respected for their choices.
We as humans wish to honor each other. We all have differences in our eating habits, praying habits, exercise habits. This is
just another difference, and is absolutely no cause for contention,
as long as I respect, love and honor who I am with.
Come out and speak your truth. It'll be all right.•
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
37
Earlier this year, Hi Fashion made a splash with their
brought together elements of drag, seduction pl
e~tr~
queer or brilliant it's because they
a background in experimental theater, envisio
music, spontaneous dance and fashion-fueled sirs
Gradone creates all their costumes himself. The s
racks of clothes" and "crazy things like bunny heads." He ere
his experimental aesthetic, saying, "I used to work on a lot of
projects so...scale and abstraction have always been interesti
When it comes to performances, he aims for volume, dress
exaggerated silhouettes. Sometimes it's just one giant costu
of it. "There is a lot of decadence in this culture," says Grado
on stage to feel big."
; e lives in between the uracks and
his experience in the theater for
nt garde and dance theater kind of
le, including DM, in
always want her to feel
like a clown car when we
perform Like at any moment
20 poodles could leap out of
her outfit and the audience
would be like/ Have they been
in there the whole time?
Thats what I love in a show//
11
1
OCTOBER
2013
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39
Re/Dress Revo ution
QUEER FASHION GURU RACHEL KACENJAR REINVENTSTHE PLUS SIZE BOUTIQUE. BY RACHEL SHATTO
"The word redress actually means 'to remedy or set right an
our clothing company Pritty Kitty-I'd
undesirable or unfair situation,' which is something we're trying
to do with mainstream fashion. We want fashion to be expressive
take pictures of my friend wearing the
clothing, and then we'd make cut-and-
and empowering for all people!" says Rachel Kacenjar, 30, who
paste zine catalogues and pass them out
to cool kids in the mall. We actually got
took over ownership of the on line plus size shop Re/Dress in May.
For the openly queer, body acceptance activist and fat fashion
guru it was the perfect intersection of her passions. "I worked
quite a few orders!"
Kacenjar's fashion career was put on
for Re/Dress Online for the last year and a half managing the
artistic direction, photo shoots, customer service and fulfillment.
hold while she attended college and
began a career in women's health and non-profit administration,
Deb [Malkin], the owner, told me-with a heavy heart-that she
planned to sell last Fall...it really tore me up. I was happy for Deb,
finance and fundraising. But still the retail world beckoned,
"When I went to New School University in N.Y.C., I wore mostly
but I was really worried that Re/Dress and the east coast fashion
community surrounding it might just disappear entirely, so I
plus-size vintage clothing that I bought at thrift and secondhand
stores back in my hometown. Plus-sized women would stop me
started negotiating to buy the assets of the store from her." Now
just a few months after taking over, Kacenjar has expanded to
on the street and literally offer to buy dresses off my back. So,
when I came back home to visit family, I would ship myself boxes
brick and mortar, opening a boutique in her native Cleveland,
Ohio in September.
and boxes of plus-size vintage that I thrifted and sell it to people
both locally and via a fashion resale group called 'fatshionista'
Re/Dress isn't Kacenjar's first foray into the fashion world.
Her career began in her teens in true riot grrrl style. "I've always
on Livejournal. It was the beginning of my plus-size vintage
shop, Cupcakes & Cuddlebunny.'' C&C was absorbed into
been creative and I've always been fat. But when I first started
to be really interested in expressing myself with fashion there
Re/Dress when Kacenjar took over, so along with new styles,
shoppers can purchase hard to find plus size vintage items. And
wasn't much out there for me. A friend of mine knew how to
sew, so I started designing hoodies, pants and skirts. We called
this is just the beginning, as Kacenjar has plenty of other big
plans for the future of Re/Dress.
What is Re/Dress?
It's a plus sized online and brick and mortar fashion boutique that
caters to sizes 1x-5x. We offer personal styling services, fitting
sessions, as well as closet audits, where we come into a person's
home and reorganize and remix their wardrobe so that it works better
for them.
Who is your customer?
My average customer is feminine presenting, aged 20-40, and size
16-28. However, as of this fall, we will be carrying more masculine
styles of clothing and will have a larger selection of bigger sized
plus-4x-6x-so
hopefully our customer base will grow as we do. We
want to provide style to all flavors of plus sized fashion.
Why are stores like Re/Dress important?
Considering that nearly half of the population is plus sized an under 5
percent of U.S. retail is plus size specific, we have a huge gap we need
to fill. Stores with radical and empowering politics like Re/Dress are
rare. We specifically care about and hope to elevate the experiences
of the plus size shopper. Big chains that simply have a plus section
generally only wish to make extra revenue-they usually don't care
about the lived experience of the shopper or what a garment may
mean to them.
How does your queerness influence the vision for Re/Dress?
I have always been fat and I have always been queer, even if I didn't
always identify as fat or queer. I think these two things about me
have informed the way I move through the world, thus informing my
business decisions, how I treat people, and why I work like a freedom
fighter instead of a capitalist. Our mission is to empower marginalized
people who have been made to feel like shit for having a body in a
way that mainstream society doesn't like.
When did you come out as queer?
I was 14 when I came out to my mom and friends as bisexual.
"Queerness" was introduced to me as a college student in N.Y.C.,
which meant I ended up coming out again as an adult at 28, when my
ex-partner and I bought a house together.
How has queerness and fat activism influenced your aesthetic?
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I think queerness allows most folks within the bubble of it to escape
the patriarchy and the male gaze that dominates mainstream media
and fashion. Queer folks have experienced so much indifference to
the way they live their lives that it allows for a blanket of acceptance
among us. I'm not saying it's perfect; there's definitely fatphobia
in some queer circles. In mine, however, it's allowed me to feel
gorgeous, seen, embodied and clever.
What's the future of Re/Dress?
I want to see the website grow by leaps and bounds. I'd also love
to offer styling services and closet audits via the Internet to those I
can't reach locally. Ideally, I'd love to have a West Coast, East Coast,
Southern and Midwestern store within the next 5-7 years, but that's a
big goal. I dream big, like my butt! (redressnyc.com) •
D
r. Susan Love has been an
authority on breast cancer
in America for two decades.
The author of the groundbreaking bestseller, Dr. Susan Love's Breast
Book, now in its fifth edition, she's also the
founder and president of the Dr. Susan
Love Research Foundation, a non-profit
organization that promotes and funds breast
cancer research.
But on June 8, 2012, she became something
she never expected to be: a cancer patient.
Being diagnosed with leukemia, Love said,
changed her life. Battling cancer herself has
given her a completely different perspective
on the disease-the perspective of the patient
rather than the physician. "It's completely different:'
More than a year after treatment, Love
says she's doing well. She's feeling better, eating healthy food and running again. "I ran
five miles the night before I was diagnosed.
So to get back to running is symbolic:'
Running is a metaphor for Love, who can't
get to a cure for breast cancer fast enough.
44
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
She's OK with the pink this and pink that,
but needs much more. "We have achieved
awareness;' she asserts. "When the NFL
wears pink, weve got that. Now it's time to
go on to the next step:'
It's time, she declares, to be able to treat
breast cancer like a chronic illness. It's time
to find the cause.
It sounds like an insurmountable task, but
Love believes it's doable. She cites cervical
cancer as a model for finding the cause and a
possible cure.
"Look;' she says, "we found the cause of
cancer of the cervix in my lifetime [HPV, or
human papilloma virus]. And now we have a
vaccine that has decreased the risk for getting
that cancer:'
Cancer is all about mutated cells, Love
explains. "We know certain things are
related to breast cancer;' she asserts."Obesity,
lack of exercise, taking HRT [Hormone
Replacement Therapy], late pregnancythese are all related. But if we could find the
mutated cell-it could be a virus or bacteria,
it could be a radiation or something in the
environment, a carcinogen-then
we could
develop a treatment plan:'
Her best guess, Love says, "is that breast
cancer is going to turn out to be infectious,
caused by a virus. We have hints of this, so
that's where I think the research should be
headed. Cancer of the liver is caused by a
virus, cancer of the stomach is caused by a
virus. When we look at AIDS research we
can see the implications for cancer research.
It's probably going to be true [as it is with
HPV] that some of us are more susceptible
than others:'
Love acknowledges that the breast cancer
gene-BRCA 1 & 2-is a factor, as it was for
Angelina Jolie, but points out that it's small.
About 5 percent of women diagnosed with
breast cancer have the gene or any kind of
family history of breast cancer. Most women
diagnosed with breast cancer have no idea
where it came from.
Nikki Weiss certainly didn't. She was in
the shower and noticed a dimpling on her
left breast. "I just knew;' she says.
Weiss's story is more common than any
woman likes to think. At 40, she was a highpowered, A-list agent in Los Angeles, in
perfect shape and health. She jokes that even
in college she was always the designated driver
because she was always health-conscious.
Weiss had a wife, Jill Goldstein, and a
three-month-old son, Adler. She had a beloved father-in-law who was himself dying
of cancer. And now, standing in the shower,
she just knew: she had cancer, too.
Like Love, Weiss radiates indomitability.
Just as Love is the lesbian doctor determined
to cure breast cancer, Weiss is the lesbian
breast cancer survivor showing lesbians how
to, as she puts it, "kick the shit out of cancer:'
Angelina Jolie had just revealed her own
breast cancer story to the world when Weiss
was beginning her own battle. (Weiss took
the Peoplemagazine with Jolie on the cover to
the hospital with her as a talisman.)
"All these thoughts come into your head
immediately;'Weiss explains."Like, I can't be
a cancer patient-I'm
a mom!"
Weiss struggled to be strong for those
around her-her mother, her wife, her son.
She put everything into her job. "I was in
denial every day, just working," she says. And
not letting anyone she worked with know
what she was fighting. "I was already afraid I
might lose my life," she says.
Weiss was diagnosed in January with cancer in her left breast. Her "amazing, brilliant"
doctor, Kristi Funk, of the Pink Lotus Breast
Center didn't like the look of Weiss's right
breast. She decided to biopsy both breastsluckily for Weiss, since later pathology returned a diagnosis of cancer in that breast
as well.
It wasn't the smooth process Jolie described,
however. While Jolie's surgery-which
Love
describes as "sadly mutilating"-was prophylactic and nothing went wrong, Weiss's was
urgent and a lot went wrong. Weiss developed
a raging infection after the initial lumpectomy,
which meant months of healing and prophylactic treatments before she could even have
the mastectomy and reconstruction.
Throughout it all, she kept working.
Weiss's double mastectomy was done June
24, removing all the cancerous tissue. She
says she has "never felt more feminine or more
womanly:' Her friends threw her a "Ta Ta to
my Ta-Tas" party before her surgery, but she
says she felt nothing but loathing for her
breasts. "I wanted them gone:' She's thrilled
and more
with her new breasts-smaller
appropriate to her slim build, she says. "It
was my silver lining," she laughs.
While her own positivity and strength got
her through her cancer surgeries, she credits
her lesbian relationship as well. "I could not
have gotten through this without my wife,"
she insists. "She was a rock. She was the
best mother, the best wife... With her, I could
breathe every day:'
Weiss's experience-harrowing
and painful as it has been-has a happy ending. Her
scans in July showed no sign of cancer and a
long-term drug regimen as backup will help
ensure she stays cancer free. But Weiss and
Love both know their cancer experiences
aren't the norm.
Angelina Jolie had just
revealed her breast
cancer story to the
world when Weiss was
beginning her own
battle.
''
And when Love hears stories like Angelina
Jolie's she gets angry. "How sad that all we
have to offer her is to cut off a normal body
part. That's the message that didn't get outthat the only way to save the lives of women
with this gene right now is to cut them up.
It's not good enough:'
Love also thinks the American obsession
with breasts has gotten in the way of redirecting
breast cancer treatment and research. "I did
some media [around the Jolie story J;' she
explains. "The people most horrified by her
story were the men-'Omigod, her wonderful
breasts!' But Jolie was forced by our lack of
options to choose something that has so many
side effects. This is not a benign surgery:'
Jolie escaped all those side effects Love
notes, but Weiss did not. Jolie's choice-at
only 3 7-Love says, "really shows how little
we've done and how far we have to go:'
Love's determined to get us there. She's
founded the Army of Women project in
partnership with the Avon Foundation for
Women ( they're paying for it). The goal is to
gather 1 million women (Love is currently at
just under 400,000) to study breast cancer.
Women can help fight breast cancer by
spending 10 minutes filling out the question-
naire at armyofwomen.org.
"We have to take the research into our
own hands," asserts Love. 'J\nd with thisyou don't even have to leave the couch to
participate. Join the study!"
She explains that in the past, research has
focused on who died of cancer, not on who got
cancer and didn't die. Her longitudinal study
will look at women who have had breast cancer
as well as those who haven't. Love's eagerness
to save women's lives has an urgency to it that
makes you believe we'll get there.
But what can lesbians do today to cut
their risk factors, as we wait to discover the
cause and then discover the cure:'
Weiss is working on a program to get
mammograms for women who can't afford
them."Cancer is so scary,"she says."It's silent.
We have to do the self-exams. We have to
use whatever platform we have to get women
to take control of their own health:'
Love could not agree more. In addition
to getting mammograms starting at the
age of 40, and not smoking, she says, "we
have to take care of our health in general.
Eat mostly fruits and vegetables. Don't sit
too much-sitting
is the new smoking. You
need to get up and be moving and walking.
Exercise. Stay away from radiation: Don't
have X-rays you don't need. Avoid the carcinogens. Basically, make your body as safe
as you can:'
Love believes finding the cause and the cure
for breast cancer-so that women like Weiss
don't have to fear dying at 40 and leaving their
wives and babies alone-is on the horizon.
'Tm optimistic. It is possible. We just have
to put our minds to it:'•
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
45
1! 1
C:::J
v.J
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.,
Bingeing is bad-unless of
course you are referring to bingewatching Orange /s the New Black
on Netflix, this summer's most
addictive, lesbo-sexy series-a
show so good it was renewed for a
second season before we'd seen a
single episode. The series, which
chronicles the behind bars trials,
tribulations and triumphs of Piper
hapman, who is sent to prison
ears after transporting drug
y for her former girlfriend-is
n a memoir of the same
iper Kerman (pictured).
ry recently sat down
to talk about their
ated just prior to
ing the girl who
o her incarceration),
prison and what it's like
r life play out onscreen.
We have known each other for over 20 years-we dated
briefly and lived together right before you met Nora-Alex
in Orange Is the New Black-and got involved with the
illegal activities that landed you in prison. When you look
back at the person you were then, what do you see?
I see a very sheltered young woman who really, really, wanted
to get out there and have experiences that were outside of the
norm. That is the positive take on it. The downside is that I
see a person who didn't have a sense of the impact of her actions
on other people. I think that many young women don't have
a sense of the importance of their actions. I have plenty of
remorse. If I knew then what I know now I would not have
done things that had a negative effect on people I knew and
people I didn't know.
None of us thought about consequences very much back
then.
It is a natural time to take risks; the young brain is not equipped
to see the consequences.
How did getting caught and being in prison change you?
I am more resilient. I have profound gratitude toward the
people around me, my family and my partner ... people stuck
with me through a very difficult time. Also, I saw that I was
treated one way and others were treated differently. I have
much increased sensitivity and awareness of inequality. Dif
ferent Americans are treated differently by the American legal
system, depending on the color of their skin, the quality of
their diction, who they have representing them. I was able to
afford great attorneys to advocate for me. Even a really good
public defender has a very limited amount of time to spend on
their client's case.
There was a long gap between when you did the crime and
when you went to prison.
I did my offense when I was 22 or 23 and walked into prison
when 34. I knew that I was going to go to prison for six years
before I went.
Did you plan to write the book before you went?
No, I didn't have that plan. People ask ifI was writing in prison,
but no, my general focus was day~to~day survival. I wrote it all
when I came home.
What has the response to your book been and what has
surprised you most?
The most surprising response has been from the law enforce~
ment side. The book depicts a broken system. I was expecting
any response from that side to be defensive. The last thing I
expected was a positive response from prison folks. I have been
asked to speak to probation officers, the American Correctional
Association's Disproportionate Minority Confinement Task
Force-a group of wardens and prison officials. There are
people within the system who want to make things better.
You now work within advocacy for women in prison.
What do you most want people to know about what the
situation is?
I sit on the board of the Women's Prison Association, a group
that has been around since the 1840s. The WPA does direct
services for women like housing help, HIV services and family
reunification, and they fight against things like the shackling
of women in childbirth, which is allowed in most states in
the U.S.
We have the largest prison population in the world in
America-by far the most people imprisoned in human his~
tory. Most women are there for non~violent offenses. One of
the most consistent things is that many women have sexual
and physical abuse in their personal histories and a high
instance of mental health and substance abuse issues. Prison
doesn't address or fix any of these underlying issues. Our
government is making poor choices with public dollars.
The first season of Orange Is the New Black is now available on Netflix. How is it to see yourself onscreen?
It is very surreal and wonderful! The character's name is Piper
Chapman and the first episode follows some of the book very
closely. The season as a whole makes radical departures from
the book, which is necessary for a good adaptation to TV.
Taylor Schilling, who plays Piper, is doing a fantastic job and
I feel very lucky.
Jenji Cohen is a wonderful creative force. How has it been
to see her version of you?
Jenji is creating a world and a character that expand upon the
book. In her storyline she makes some very different choices. I
made plenty of mistakes when I was behind bars-but Piper
Chapman makes some doozies.
Have you been reliving the experience of being in prison?
Yes,one of the things is that they really did a great job of creating
the world of a federal prison. They captured the environment,
the sense of controlled chaos, and pointlessness. These things
come though in really smart ways, in the casting, the storylines
and production design.
How did you feel about the portrayal of lesbians in the
show?
The lesbian relationships are very important to the show. It is
a reflection of the reality of prison life. The relationships feel
true. People in prison are physical beings, and are sexual beings
like everyone else-so there is a lot of sex. There are great
lesbian characters in the show.
What about Piper's sexual storyline?
We see Piper's history. It plays out in flashbacks, including the
relationship that got her in prison in the first place. The show
depicts the fluidity of sexuality. That is something that Jenji is
really interested in. It is explored with humor and drama.
How accurately does the show portray lesbian sex?
It is orally focused. It is accurate, in other words. I mean, I don't
want to dictate what sex should be ... but yes ... it's very good.
What are you hoping will happen as an outcome of this
show?
I hope people are fascinated and obsessed by the characters
and their lives [and] have a greater recognition that people in
prison are human beings. We put millions of people in prison
and forget about them. I hope people will see that their lives
have meaning and value. It is a world that is hidden from
public view and I hope people have questions about the way
we run our criminal justice system.•
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
47
FEATURES/
PHOTOGRAPHY
APHOTOGRAPHER
CAPTURES
THE
REALITIES
OF
GENDER
IDENTITY.
BYMERRYN
JOHNS
Sophia Wallace (at left)
has everything it takes to
be a great photographer:
an eye for composition
and detail; a love of light;
an understanding of art
history; a willingness to
observe and be observed;
strength in her own
subjectivity, and a deep
compassion for others. As
a former film student, she
found working with a still
camera freeing.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
49
Her graduarte school project, "Girls Will Be Boys;'
embodied her interest in the politics of gender expres~
sion. The series drew on fine art portraiture and the
conventions of classic fashion photography to "empower
the subject, to push the boundaries of representation,
not re~create the same ways of seeing, but to open up
the possibilities of being in the world;' she says.
Wallace soon landed on the art map, exhibiting
with Catherine Opie, and in Vienna's No Fashion,
Please! Photography Between Gender and Lifestyle, in
which her work was shown alongside iconic and
incendiary image~makers such as Bruce Weber and
Leigh Bowery.
But recently, Wallace had to take a break from visual
language. "Photography is surface;' she explains in her
light~filled Brooklyn studio. "It can visually create a
longing for the norm. It's all about the beautiful and
the beautiful ugly. It does good work and harm:'
Something had been bothering her for a while. ''A
queer person is already pathologized for having non~
procreative sex;' she says. "I was up to my limit with
the representation of sex and the clit never being
represented. I couldn't stop thinking about it. After
having a three~hour conversation about the invisibil~
ity of the clit, I decided to work:'
The Cliteracy Project is an epic multimedia art
experience that challenges the misrepresentation and
invisibility of the clitoris in culture. For this project,
50
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
CLIT
Wallace put her camera down and picked up a thesaurus, traditional texts, and her own text-making
materials. It was time to fight language with language.
'"Vagina' literally means "a sheath for a sword:' Men
have the object, and we have the void. This assumption is based on false science;' she says, which has gone
on to inform language and education. "In sex ed, we
don't learn about the clitoris. Our object is like an
iceberg: Only the tip is visible:'
Society's metaphorical and literal removal of the
clitoris, she believes, is a patriarchal strategy."It becomes
possible to oppress a group if you can prove it is inferior or lacking:'
Wallace took on the law like an angry prosecutor.
"I was the clitigator;' she says, implementing her own
language. "I started with new scientific information
and drew from history, philosophy, visual culture,
representation, rights:'
She exposed myths and created new laws, rules,
definitions, factoids, and slogans. At the heart of her
new Constitution is the idea that "sexual pleasure is
an inalienable human right:'
The first work she designed was a neon sign that
read "Cliteracy;' but the sign maker she went to refused
to make it because it was "obscene:'
''I've been in the eye of the clitstorm;' she says of
the project, which has now exhibited in gallery spaces
and gone viral on the lnternet."Female genitals are the
lowest of the low in language-'cunt; 'pussy: When
you put 'clit' in the language, it changes the discussion.
I want 'cliteracy' to be in the cultural lexicon. It's fun to
cliteralize the female body as the voice, the perspective.
I appropriated the voice of authority for the clit:' She
also appropriates the sexist language of hip-hop with
her line of"clit swag;' such as tanks and tees proclaiming"There Is No Lack" and"Solid Gold Clit:'
And she gives the patriarchy a dose of its own
medicine: yes, size matters. Some of the textual panels proclaiming the power of the clitoris are huge.
"Even the tallest man is dwarfed by them;' smiles
Wallace. As for photography and the power of the
visual medium, I'm pleased to report that Wallace
has picked up her camera again.•
THE
EYE
OF
THE
CLITSTORM
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
51
A
s a child, I had a closet full of paper;'
says the painter Hilary Harkness
on her early habit of drawing. Her
grandfather was in the auto industry in Detroit,
her father worked for a paper mill, and Harkness seems to have channeled her family's sense
of industry and its eye for detail. Cognizant of
her queer identity since the age of 5, but without
a language to frame her thoughts, Harkness has
always let her vivid imagination and acute observational skills run wild. She has suffered from
insomnia since childhood, experiencing waking
fantasies and dreams that serve her well when
it comes to creating her spectacularly crowded,
colorful, and controversial canvases.
Harkness was studying biochemistry at
UC Berkeley when she started taking art
classes. The cultural landscape of San Francisco in the early 1990s inspired her with the
idea of a world inhabited by women, as did
Judy Chicago's book Through the Flower: My
Struggle as a Woman Artist. Harkness believed
there was room for her in the art world and
took herself to Paris in the summer of 1993
to learn how to paint.
When she returned, she applied to Yale
but, unfortunately, that institution did not
instantly confer on her its blessing. "I was
52
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
interviewed by the oldest tenured professor,
an old white man;' recalls Harkness. "He
said, 'Your work is boring: In the art world,
the worst insult you can give an artist is
'boring: 'Not part of the discourse' is also
pretty bad. I said, 'It's not for you, you boring old white guy!' His face turned bright
red, so I was really surprised when I got in:'
Harkness believes that it was the students
on the Admissions Committee who voted
her in, and as revenge on the professor's
attempted obstruction of her progress she
later did a painting of him "being ass-raped
by a cow:'
Don't be fooled by this artist's lovely
gamine exterior. Her aesthetic is shockingly
erotic, violent and mischievous. Since the
beginning of her career, critics have struggled to identify the relationship between
her sexuality and her work. In 2001, Ken
Johnson reviewed her first solo exhibition in
the New York Times in a pervy way: "Hilary
Harkness paints semipornographic lesbian utopias: miniature worlds populated by
doll-like, scantily clad young women belonging to all-female military organizations ...
'Neutral Vessel'...offers the cutaway view of a
submarine. Its many inner spaces ... are occu-
pied by sexy little women working, playing
and making love. In 'Shore Leave'... sailors in
white high heels, hot pants and tiny tops carry
a wounded comrade on a stretcher into the
dusky waiting room of a brothel, where glamorous women languidly pose in underwear or
evening wear:'
''
Don't be fooled by
this artist's lovely
gamine exterior. Her
aesthetic is shockingly
erotic, violent and
mischievous.
''
And in the Village Voice,Jerry Saltz wrote,
the women subjects "ooze a bitchy demonic kinkiness, which makes looking at these
paintings slippery fun:'
Harkness does tap into the dark and raunchy side of female sexuality in her work. But
while the paintings are sexy and scary, the
settings-actual
World War II battleships,
submarines, chateaux, even Rockefeller Center
and Christie's auction house-have all been
meticulously researched and reconstructed
with almost scientific detail. Harkness applies
her private mythology, sexual fantasies and
ideological interests to these settings and
the goings-on within. She asks questions
such as: Historically, are single-sex environments a factor in human cruelty? Who
truly owns the reproductive function? How
can we depict the virility of women? (The answer to that last question may be found in
"Crack of Dawn;' which depicts a woman
in camouflage-patterned
lingerie, polishing
her enormous strap-on.) There are also images
of women with assault weapons, operating
on each other, engaged in BDSM scenes, in
possession of bottled fetuses, and midwifing
themselves.
And before you decide that you'd never give
this subject matter houseroom, these small
paintings command sticker prices of around
$250,000. For a while, at the age of just 31,
Harkness was-per square inch-one of the
most highly valued artists under 40.
Enter Mary Boone, the legendary New
York art dealer (she was played by Parker
Posey in the 1996 film Basquiat) who has
buoyed the reputations and sticker prices of
generations of artists. And Harkness met her
by accident. "I crashed a dinner party. I was
following my best friend around Chelsea and
she walked into Bottino:•
"Mary makes me feel safe;' says Harkness,
who has been with Boone since 2003. "She's
the toughest businesswoman out there. As
her artist, I don't experience that:'
'Tm like a pit bull;' admits Boone, in
her prestigious gallery on Fifth Avenue.
'Tm also like a mother bear. I protect the
people I love:•
And she loves Harkness the artist. When
Boone first saw her work, she found it "very
mysterious and beautiful. Otherworldly. I'd
never seen anything like it. Of course I wanted
to show it:'
Boone has always been guided by what
she loves to look at, and in this way she is
a perfect dealer for Harkness, who is driven
by her own visual pleasure at painting the
dashing, agile, kinky femmes who populate
her canvases.
When it comes to being an artist, "being
a woman is a good thing. Being gay is also
good;' says Boone, who showed Robert
Mapplethorpe in 1973. "Being a white het-
erosexual male is the worst thing. I think
after 9 / 11 people started feeling that art had
to be relevant:'
While Boone has been identified with
male artists such as Julian Schnabel, and has
been mentored mostly by men, it's clear that
she champions female artists. She admires
Cindy Sherman, whom she considers "the
only woman with a man's career" -meaning critical recognition and financial success.
"But I didn't want to show Hilary's work
because she is a woman. It was because
I liked the work:'
As for the critics, says Boone, "So much
of the early press was weird. 'Is she a lesbian,
is she bisexuale' ... People buy Hilary's work
because they really love it:'
And Harkness loves her work too, spending sometimes a year on one painting, until
she has every millimeter of it right. What
does she hope the spectator will see in these
privately coded, public works of artr (At her
2013 retrospective at the FLAG Art Foundation, people parked themselves in front of
individual canvases and didn't move.)
"I don't know, but I wish I had seen these
paintings in high school;' she says. And so do
I. My own coming out would have been so
much the richer for them. •
0
8
u
<(
z
WJ
::e
OCTOBER
2013
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53
THE
OUT
LIST
She's tough. Brusque. Abrasive. Doesn't
things done, that's why I'm getting a great
connect with people. Or so I've learned
response out there."
And while she's a minority herself,
from some media outlets about City
Council Speaker Christine Quinn. However,
she's ignoring the tactics of other special
my encounters with Quinn say otherwise.
interest groups and staying focused on the
Quinn standing by Governor Andrew
Cuomo and looking pleased as punch after
that delivers for them, that is focused on
New York State law.
them and making their lives better. That's
with everyone, when I could." She cites
the rain, going up to barriers and chatting
the jobs she brought to the Brooklyn Navy
with folks. (Not in a business suit, not with
Yard, the elimination of thousands of
masses of bodyguards, not brandishing a
housing violations in the city, and the 4,100
bullhorn. That would be Anthony Weiner.)
schoolteachers' jobs she's saved-even
"The Pride Parade is one of my favorite
when it meant opposing Mayor Bloomberg.
events of the year," she says. "One thousand
"Now that's what good government should
be about: coming together when you can ...
Quinn attending the Bronx Pride Parade
no one can agree and nothing gets done,
of the hottest days of this year. "The folks
she says, is Washington. "That's not what
up there work so hard," she says of the
New Yorkers want. With all due respect to
LGBT activists. "They are a critical part
my opponents, talk is cheap. Delivering is
of that borough. We want to make sure it
hard. I've delivered and that's what I am
gets recognized and embraced." She felt
running on."
Quinn's identity as an out gay woman is
essential to her. She's been out since the
beginning of her political career-and
Does a woman who can deliver actually intimidate the culture? Quinn isn't
and Queens.
boy-
buying it, especially after Hillary Clinton's
"amazing job" as Secretary of State. The
message she has for female voters who
cotted New York's St. Patrick's Day Parade
are sitting on the fence, on the eve of
for not allowing her to march as an out
the Nov. 5 mayoral election, is the
lesbian. "I have marched as the openly gay
message she wishes to deliver to all
Speaker of the City Council in the Dublin
New Yorkers:
St. Patrick's Day Parade, for God's sake.
That this is still a problem in New York City
makes no sense at all."
What does make sense is her refusal to
"You're picking a mayor, the mayor
of the city of New York, one of the most
important jobs in the world. So, before
you listen to what people are telling you
deny who she is. "I am a package deal. I
they want to do, find out what they've
don't show up one day dressed as an Irish
done for you already. And when you look
gal and the next day as an Irish lesbian. I
at my record, you're going to see fiscally
am never going to yield or give up until
responsible management, protecting
the totality of me, and the totality of every
core services and successfully expanding
New Yorker, is embraced everywhere in
human rights. We're going to make this city
this city."
the best place it can be, a place where we
And as to the buzz that women and
lesbians are abandoning her late in New
York City's mayoral race, "Let me tell you,"
she says, "I couldn't be more gratified by
2013
always getting it done." The place where
(in the city's toughest borough), on one
equally embraced at parades in Brooklyn
OCTOBER
what I've done, and that's meant working
Parade alongside her wife, Kim Cattullo, in
strong, marching down Fifth Avenue."
CURVE
"I believe that people want government
she's helped pass marriage equality into
Quinn marching in the New York Pride
54
bigger picture.
have progress for everyone."
And if a dude is elected, instead of
Quinn?
"I am going to become the next mayor
the support I am getting from women and
of New York City," she declares. "I'm never
the LGBT community. It's easy for people to
going to bow or break when the future of
criticize. It's hard to get things done. I get
our families lies in the balance."
QUINN CAMPAIGN
ALL FIREDUP
Fiona Dawson advocates for human equality.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
authorized openly serving LGB personnel.
This workplace gender discrimination
How many times can a woman come
felt inauthentic. "I perceive gender, like
affects everyone and if we can achieve
out? For Fiona Dawson, there is no limit.
sexual orientation, on a continuum and
equality in the military we can achieve
She came out of an abusive heterosexual
I am attracted to people, regardless of
equality elsewhere."
marriage. Then she came out as a lesbian.
where they identify themselves," she says,
"I finally recognized I did not deserve to
"and so last year I re-labeled myself as
U.K.'s National Health Service, providing
be treated the way I was in my marriage,
bisexual."
free healthcare to citizens and visitors, is
Dawson, whose parents worked for the
The former HRC board member is helm-
inspired to help others. "I care ridiculously
She came "flying out of the closet" and
ing a video series to eradicate intolerance.
about human beings. My passion is to do
took her work for equality to a new level
Through Martian Entertainment this
good for the world and be the most fab-
in Houston, Texas, where she had settled
vivacious host of #WhotheFcares covers
ulous, authentic, bisexual-ciswoman that
from her native Britain. But more insight
stories that promote equality, build com-
I can possibly be. Our sexual orientation
was to come. "I became brutally honest
passion, and change hearts and minds.
and gender identity are not a choice, but
and I realized I was gay," Dawson says.
with myself, again," she says.
While Dawson had chosen the lesbian
Her latest project focuses on trans in the
military. "Trans military personnel are still
being authentic is.
"Coming out requires courage, but it's
label, it was the only reason she would
not protected. In fact, it has always been
worth it. And you find there are actually
thousands of people feeling the same.
rule out going on a date with a guy. And
and continues to be perfectly legal to 'Ask'
to this human rights campaigner, who
if they are trans and fire them. However,
All it takes is for one person to admit
champions causes from caring for HIV
the U.K. has accepted transgender service
their truth and all of a sudden that
positive babies to transgender rights-that
members since 1999, which is before they
courage is infectious."
LABOROF LOVE
Pam Sheffer is making the
Bible Belt safe for LGBT youth.
BY MANDY WILSON
Plenty of things come to mind when one
thinks of Nashville: good music, good
food, good ol' Southern hospitality. It's a
big city with a small-town feel. But does
this warm neighborliness reach across
boundaries to people of all orientations
and identities? "Gay-friendly" is not
usually a term one associates with this
self-proclaimed
"buckle" of the Bible
Belt. What kind of effect does this Bible
Belt mindset have on the region's LGBT
youth? Thanks to people like Pam Sheffer,
a steady growth in acceptance, education
and understanding is emerging.
In 2010, Sheffer decided to end her
Oasis Center, approximately 30 percent
of the young people that we see in our
city's LGBT youth and teens.
Sheffer also offers educational train-
career in corporate insurance and begin a
crisis shelter, street outreach center, and
ing to those who routinely work with
grassroots effort to organize a safe space
transitional living program identify as
young people. "Providing progressive
for Nashville's LGBT youth. By July 2011,
LGBT,supporting the national average."
professional development is essential
the Just Us program was launched as part
One primary challenge in Nashville has
to changing the climate for LGBT youth
of the Oasis Center, a local organization
been placing LGBT youth in foster care.
throughout the country," she says. "If
that has successfully served the city's
There has been a lack of willingness
adults who are working with young peo-
youth for over four decades. Just Us goes
from resource families to accept them.
ple as a profession are serving the needs
beyond providing safe spaces and strives
Determined to change those statistics,
of LGBT youth exactly the same way as
to create cultural change in eight target
Sheffer contacted 28 of the region's open
they are serving the needs of non-LGBT
areas: self-acceptance and empowerment,
and affirming faith communities. "The
youth, then the message of equality
safe and accepting schools, family accep-
Department of Children's Services [DCS]
becomes the norm."
tance, peer and adult education, pursuit
has contacted us in the past seeking
of civil and human rights, support from
assistance for LGBT youth," she says.
the faith community, access to quality
"Additionally, several faith communities
Sheffer and her allies are making sure
healthcare and access to safe housing.
have reached out looking for ways to
that the community is moving in the right
The South may be a step behind
when it comes to social issues, but Pam
plug into our work at Just Us." The result
direction. Kathy Halbrooks, the president
Nashville is on a par with the rest of the
of this collaboration
of PFLAG Nashville, says, "I know Pam
country. Sheffer states, "Of the 1.6 million
ing success. There are now 20 new
searched her heart to find her calling, one
homeless youth in America, 20 to 40
families in the Nashville area working
that would make a difference in the world,
percent of them identify as LGBT. At the
with DCS to provide housing for the
and she makes that difference every day."
The number of homeless LGBT youth in
was an overwhelm-
THE
OUT
LIST
COMING OUT DIY STYLE
Grace Bonney is crafty, queer and wants you to know it.
BY ELIZABETH NGUYEN
design community and to discuss issues
that queer women and trans folks face.
She hopes that these efforts will encourage more openly queer designers. "There
Last June, on her 32nd birthday, blogger
businesswomen in her Biz*Ladies series,
are plenty of gay people in the design
Grace Bonney gave herself and her readers
which gathers women to share infor-
community, they're just not out about it,"
a very special gift. The creator of the
mation, advice and experiences and to
Bonney says. "Who you are informs what
popular Design*Sponge website writes, "So
combat the sexism of the industry. She's
you make and what inspires you. If you're
today I wanted to take a moment to proudly
also expanding her radio show to do an
a queer artist, that's a huge part of who
share with you the full story of who I am.
interview series on LGBT members of the
you are as well."
I'm the daughter of loving parents, Chris
and Elaine, I'm a blogger, a Southerner, a
hopeless lover of animals, patterns and
anything shiny-and
I'm also gay."
While the design industry has no shortage of proud gay men, out lesbians are
scarcer. But times are changing-Bonney
explains that, as someone who has always
been honest with readers about her
personal life, staying in the closet just felt
weird so coming out was the natural answer.
"I didn't really need people to accept it. I
kind of just wanted them to know the full
picture of who I am," she says.
Bonney recounts her lesbian history: she
started falling in love with best friends in
middle school, but her Virginian family
pressured her to stifle her feelings. Later,
she shelved her personal life in favor of
running her business. Finally, after two
years of a difficult marriage, she could no
longer hide who she was. She's been out
to friends and family ever since.
Being true to herself has paid off in
both her personal and professional life.
A star in the DIY design world, Bonney
attributes the popularity of her near
10-year-old blog to its deep focus on her
personal interests. "I really believe in being
exactly who you are and not trying to be
everything to everybody. I always focus
on trying to produce content [based] on
things that I really love personally and
nothing else. Most biogs will try to cover
everything
because I think there's a
theory that will give you the most
amount of readers; but I'd rather have
a smaller number of readers that are
much more engaged."
Bonney is also passionate about making
the design community more inclusive and
safe. She acts as a mentor to upcoming
58
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
AN OPEN BOOK
Rebecca Walker is out about sexual-and
literary-fluidity. BY JENNY BLOCK
TIME magazine called her one of the 50 most influential American leaders under 40. She's written books
on everything from feminism, to race, to motherhood.
And she is a champion of love of all kinds, including
non-traditional families and relationships.
Her name is Rebecca Walker and now her activism has moved from non-fiction writing to a new
novel Ade: A Love Story, which she calls "quite
autobiographical."
Walker, who is the daughter of Alice Walker, author
of The Color Purple, was compelled to write a novel
because she "felt the need to express feelings I could
not capture through simple retelling. My memory was
not big enough, not vivid enough, to transmit the
intensity of the experience. Giving myself the freedom
to depart from reality was extraordinary. My world
grew bigger, and my creativity was sparked in an
exciting way."
Although the novel is ultimately the love story of
Ade and Farida, a man and a woman, it is also the story
of two women. Their relationship is a familiar and compelling one and Walker dives deeply and intimately
into it. Why? Because, Walker says, "it's pivotal."
"Without Miriam there would have been no Ade.
Miriam is the portal. She provides Farida a way into
a new world; without her attraction and devotion to
Miriam, Farida would not have left the continent. She
would not have transgressed cultural expectations.
But even more, Miriam engages Farida's sensuality
and teaches her how to surrender to another person,
idea, place. Farida discovers herself by following the
call of the erotic. Miriam is the one who hands her
the phone."
Walker, who has written autobiographically about her
own sexual fluidity, most recently for Marie Claire magazine, continues her commitment to giving greater voice
and visibility to the fluidity of race, gender and sexuality.
"Farida is certainly comfortable with the fluidity of her
sexuality, and yet for her the boundaries, the things
that get in the way of love, are bigger than anatomy or
gender. This book looks at the question of fluidity from a
more geopolitical or cultural point of view."
Because Walker was once in a relationship with
singer Meshell Ndegeocello but is now married to a
man, people are constantly trying to get her to identify
one way or another, with various groups claiming her
or rejecting her at different times. But Walker says that
these days she's more concerned about "whether I can
be bi-literary."
"The forms are so different, and I have tremendous
respect for the novel, and the fiction writers who
have so honed their craft within the genre. I hope my
readers will come with me on this new journey, and
will accept a similar, though different, voice."
OCTOBER
2013
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59
HIGH COURT HIGH
Roberta Kaplan makes history.
felt euphoria. "I feel like the guy in the
Chagall paintings who is always floating,"
ev v1c10R1A A. BROWNWORTH
she explains. "The victory in the case"she pauses to find the word "-is thrilling."
Roberta Kaplan isn't a household name
be a lawyer. She did and she is. A partner
yet-but
in the litigation department
she will be. Kaplan is the attor-
of Paul,
While Kaplan didn't know Windsor
personally, she "knew who she was. She
ney who took the case no one wanted,
Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, The
lives four blocks from here. She was
that of 84-year-old Edith Windsor who
National Law Journal listed her among
indignant about the injustice." Kaplan
owed the government $363,053 in estate
the "100 Most Influential Lawyers." And
describes Windsor's story as "the story of
taxes when her wife Thea Spyer died,
she has been touted as one of the top
gay history in America. In the 1950s when
because her marriage wasn't recognized
"40 Under 40."
she was working for the Atomic Energy
by the feds.
Now 46, she is succinct about her job: "I
"It was pretty clear-cut to me," Kaplan
love being a lawyer, I love what I do."
Commission, she had to have special
clearance and she was afraid that someone would ask her about being gay."
asserts of the case she took on pro bona
Kaplan and her wife have a 7-year-old
(Lambda Legal and the ACLU also partic-
son, a 1-year-old dog and the Manhattan
ipated.) "Edie got a tax bill for being gay.
apartment where she, her wife, Windsor
You don't get more unequal than that."
and Ariel Levy of The New Yorker got the
arguing the case. "Not a single conserva-
news of the SCOTUS decision.
tive justice asked a question," she says,
Kaplan argued United States v. Windsor
before the U.S. Supreme Court. The
"We knew that in order to win, our case
Fast-forward more than a half-century and
Kaplan was standing before the SCOTUS,
with a laugh. "They knew if they did, they'd
SCOTUS ruling found Section 3 of DOMA
had to be first," she explains, of the two
have to provide a rationale for DOMA and
to be unconstitutional
marriage cases before the court (the other
there wasn't one. No justification for what
involved the constitutionality
was done to Edie."
under the Due
Process Clause of the Fifth Amendment.
Down-to-earth
and unprepossessing,
of California's
Prop. 8). "And we knew [Justice Anthony]
It turned out to be a defining moment in
Kaplan has a warmth that belies her
Kennedy had to write it. When we heard it
U.S. legal history. "DOMA was the last law
stature as a world-class attorney who
was Kennedy, we knew."
on the books that mandates discrimination
When the ruling was read Kaplan and
against gay people by the federal govern-
important cases in history for lesbian and
Windsor watched the TV news "screaming
ment simply because they are gay," says
gay Americans. She grew up in Cleveland
and crying and jumping up and down."
Kaplan. "And now it's done. Dead, done.
and at 10 wanted to go to Harvard and
Since that June 26 decision, Kaplan has
Game over."
prepared and argued one of the most
LEADEROF THE PACK
Kathy Wolfe's LGBT home video empire.
BY ADAM L. BRINKLOW
After 18 years in advertising, Kathy Wolfe finally
figured out what she wanted to do in life: anything
else. "It was around my 40th birthday and I said
to myself, this is just not satisfying me, I have to
find something more fulfilling," Wolfe says. For the
college art teacher turned reluctant ad woman,
fulfillment meant starting Wolfe Video.
Founded in 1985 as a mail-order video service
for LGBT-themed films-a
rarity at the time-Wolfe
Video is now one of the largest and most influential
distributors of gay and lesbian-themed media in
America. But it began, oddly enough, with public
access TV.
"I started making some musical programs and
documentaries about feminism," Wolfe says of her
first, fitful attempts to find a less dreary career path.
"People wanted to buy my work so I thought, oh, I
should get a business license. I got one under the
name Kathy Wolfe Video, and that's how it started."
Buyers liked Wolfe's videos so much that they
asked her to furnish other people's work too. "I
would sell my movies to women's bookstores
and they'd say, 'Can you get that k.d. lang concert
for us?' I could easily have said no, but I said
yes anyway."
Home-video distribution as a business actually
seemed a little crazy at the time. Wolfe guesses that
only about 20 percent of homes were even in the
video market. "I don't think anyone thought it was a
good idea but me."
But the potential was there, and Wolfe recalls an
environment eerily similar to the later, heady start
of the dot-com boom. "It was the dawn of the VCR,
and I thought it was going to become an incredibly
powerful tool, especially for niche demographics."
More than 20 years later, of course, in-home
movie watching is ubiquitous. Almost too much so,
in Wolfe's opinion, as she's now making Wolfe Video
her dog in a particularly contentious fight: combating digital piracy, which she says has a devastating
effect on the LGBT film market.
"Even though our films may only reach 10 or
20 percent of people, the filmmakers have to pay
as much as anyone else to make a movie," Wolfe
explains. "They borrowed that money from their
grandparents or put it on their credit card. If you
pirate that movie, you might as well put a knife in
their hearts, because they're never going to make a
movie again."
That's why Wolfe video joined the Pay to Play
campaign, reminding gays and lesbians that pride
isn't just a word; sometimes you have to put your
money where your mouth is.
OCTOBER
2013
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THE
OUT
LIST
BERLINBUTCH
Manuela Kay, proud pornographer
and publishing pioneer. sv KARIN scHUPP
"I was looking at pictures of my teenage self the other day.
I was one grim, angry tomboy," Manuela Kay says, laughing.
"But you could tell I'd be a fierce lesbian one day!"
And a fierce lesbian she has become. Last year, the
Berlin-based journalist purchased Special Media SDL,
Germany's leading LGBT publishing house, when its previous owner retired. Kay and her business partner, Gudrun
Fertig-both
former editors-in-chief-are
now among
the few lesbian executives in LGBT media, which is still a
male-dominated
business.
"We had to make sure our three magazines, and the solid,
independent journalism we're known for, survived," explains
Kay, who has been working for Special Media SDL since
1996. In 2003, she helped to launch and develop L-MAG,
Germany's only national lesbian magazine. "With L-MAG, we
have increased lesbian visibility on every newspaper stand,
showing that being lesbian is fun and sexy," she says of the
magazine, which celebrated its 10th anniversary this year.
The passionate Harley Davidson aficionado has been a
"professional lesbian" for most of her adult life. She's worked
for a gay radio show, written several books on lesbian issues,
and has been a longtime staff member "for all things queer"
at the traditionally gay-friendly Berlin International Film
Festival, where she's juried its official LGBT award, the Teddy.
To this day, Kay is a regular guest and jury member at LGBT
film festivals worldwide, and is a programmer for Berlin's
queer Pornfilmfestival, which she co-founded in 2006. This
year, the self-declared "feminist butch lesbian" became a
poster child for tolerance toward minorities, appearing in
a nationwide ad campaign sponsored by UNESCO and a
German TV network.
Born and raised in Berlin, Kay became an activist shortly
after coming out at the age of 15. "After all, this was 1979,"
she says, "the heyday of the German peace movement and
women's lib. I went to demonstrations all the time anyway, so
Gay Pride fit in just perfectly."
More than 30 years later, Kay hasn't slowed down ("My
secret-lots
of sleep, lots of sex," she jokes), but is not
happy with the state of the LGBT movement. "These days,
everyone wants to marry," she complains, voicing her strong
opposition to the institution. "And lesbians love to wear their
hair long. I, for my part, like it when you can tell someone's
lesbian just by looking at them. That way, you feel like you're
part of the same gang right off the bat."
Adapting to heterosexual norms is definitely not Kay's
thing. "What I want is change," she says. "Not the desire
to be accepted by straight society by imitating them, but
fighting for more and diverse lifestyle choices."
Kay knows that she sometimes rubs people the wrong
way, but she's never been a people pleaser. "Luckily, I have
strong allies. I'm not alone in this. But I've always done what
I wanted. I've never felt the need to adapt. I've always lived a
very free life."
FROM WALLSTREETTO MAIN STREET
Amy Siskind's agenda for empowering women will make a
difference for generations to come. BYVICTORIA
A.BR0WNW0RTH
girls, including economic empowerment.
"We do programming for college and
millennial women," she says. "We want to
steer those women in the right direction, toward careers with advancement,
Amy Siskind has the kind of resume that
"My experience on Wall Street was very
where women can make money and be
independent."
makes CEOs lean in. Snapped up by Wall
positive," she says. "It was, being honest,
Street after she got her B.A. in economics
hard for me to leave. Financially, I could
She also stresses the importance of
from Cornell, she completed her M.B.A.
leave. The stress level was pretty high,
female networks. The New Agenda has a
in finance and international business from
running a department-the
NYU's prestigious Stern School of Business
power. But I was on a path to wind down
while she was working for National
to be with my kids-it was a culmination of
Day with all ages, races, economic back-
Westminster Bank.
events. I'm a big believer of following signs
grounds of women. Their Womensphere
After that came a series of top-flight
investment banking firms. Her last position
was as a principal at Morgan Stanley, head-
money, the
Mother-Daughter event in November as
well as a National Girlfriends Networking
in your life. I went on vacation in August
Global Summit is also about drawing in all
[2008] and I never went back."
generations of women.
All of 2008 had been a sign for Siskind.
"Check out #SHEvolution," she says.
"We are in Fourth Wave feminism now. Ten
ing her own department. But after 20 years
Deeply involved in Hillary Clinton's run
on Wall Street, Siskind says it was time for
for president she was, like so many other
percent of women are gay women. What's
a change. Or time to create some.
American women, enraged by Hillary's
our focus? How about the huge wage gap
treatment in the media.
for lesbians? What about intimate partner
Since 2008, Siskind, a 46-year-old mother
of two teenagers, has been president of
"The double standard was unbelievable,"
violence? Abortion is not our issue. We can
The New Agenda, a 501(c)(4) organization
she asserts. "It was as if the media thought
be concerned about it for other women,
dedicated to improving the lives of women
she didn't have a right to be running. It was
but we need to focus on ourselves."
and girls by bringing about systemic
outrageous and I was determined that it
change in the media, at the workplace,
was never going to happen again."
at school and at home. She is as dogged
The New Agenda was formed the day
Siskind is convinced that lesbians can
gain economic, social and political power.
She's also convinced that the next presi-
about putting women and girls front-and-
after Hillary withdrew from the presiden-
dent of the U.S. will be a woman. "If women
center as she was about making money
tial race.
support other women, everything else will
flow on Wall Street.
Siskind wants more for women and
take care of itself."
QUEERBEAUTYQUEEN
Kara Mitchell takes the crown for
LGBT activism. BY ELIZABETH NGUYEN
Like the beauty queens that came before her, Kara
Mitchell took the stage in donning an elegant evening
gown, strutting her stuff in swimwear and displaying
her talent-but
when it came to a personal story and
desire to help her community, Mitchell was a singular
beauty. The 23-year-old is one of the first out lesbians
to compete in the Miss America pageant and scholarship fund. Last June, she represented Cuyahoga
County in her bid for the Miss Ohio crown. For
Mitchell it was the perfect opportunity to represent
her community.
Mitchell's platform "Just Ask Me" seeks to celebrate
diversity by hosting dialogues for queer youth and
their struggling parents; she dives right into the heart
of the issue by speaking from personal experience.
"One of the reasons I do it is because there are
not a lot of [queer] role models who are young,"
says Mitchell who came out at age 14. Her mother
initially had a very difficult time accepting her sexual
orientation, and today continues to struggle with
her daughter's lesbian identity. Still, she was in the
audience, cheering when Mitchell proved herself an
advocate for the LGBT community.
While she faced some homophobia during her
three years in the pageant industry, Mitchell has also
received plenty of respect and gratitude, too. Judges,
fellow contestants and members of her community
have stepped out to show their appreciation. "When I
won my first title ...one of the students on [my college]
campus sent me a message on Facebook and she
was like, I so appreciate what you're doing because
I'm trying to come out to my family right now. I'm
black, and I feel like it's harder because my family has
such strong ties to religion and they're not going to
be receptive to me, but knowing that you did it and
how you came out of it makes me more confident to
do about myself."
Mitchell has a proven ability to remain graceful
under pressure. On the first day of her Miss Ohio
competition alone, her host's house lost power, she
injured her wrist during a rehearsal and threw out her
back while dancing in the talent portion of the competition-and
to top it off, the zipper of her evening
gown broke. "I kept getting thrown curveball after
curveball," she says. Still, she placed in the Top 10.
"You would have thought that I won the whole entire
pageant ...! sat down on the stage, I had my hands up
in my face. I was so excited. I started crying."
While Mitchell was not awarded the top prize she
walked away with a different kind of win: performing in
front of her mother. "I think she respects the fact that
I try to advocate for [my] community," says Mitchell.
"She raised me to be a woman of character and to
stand up for myself."
HITTING THE SWEETSPOT
A blow to the temple ignites film director Stacie Passon.
BY KATHLEEN WILKINSON
both economically and sexually, Passon,
who has been happily married for 20
years, insists that gay people will find
renovates a loft in Manhattan, and, after
new ways to inhabit the institution. "Being
ball was a wake-up call for Stacie Passon.
paying for a couple of sexual liaisons, begins
people who fight against any kind of
And her moment of clarity came after she
turning tricks with women.
imprisonment ...we are going to open it up.
Getting hit in the head with a speeding base-
unleashed a torrent of anger on her 8-yearold son, who had thrown the offending
This timely and sensitive exploration of
I think it's very important for people to have
lesbian marriage is hitting, as the director
their own money. I think it's very important to have independence. I think it's very
missile: "I was kind of pathetic. Why was I
puts it, the "sweet spot" with audiences
getting mad at a poor little boy for how I felt
at film festivals worldwide, from Cannes
important to be sexually satisfied. I think
about my life?"
and Berlin to Sundance and Frameline. To
that gay people will change marriage and, I
Passon'sexcitement, Concussion was picked
think, for the better."
What the 41-year-old filmmaker chose to
do about her dissatisfactions was to write
up by Weinstein's company RADiUs-TWC
and then direct the wildly successful inde-
within 48 hours of its Sundance screening,
pendent film Concussion. And, yes, art does
and opens theatrically this month.
With a Cheshire grin guarding the secrets
of her own marital success, she adds, "I
think people will accept themselves more
for who they are and what their particular
seem to imitate life in the opening scene,
It explores the universal sense of being
in which the lead character, Abby, gets hit
trapped, especially post-40. Stifled by the
fetishes and peccadilloes are. I think we'll be
in the head with a speeding baseball. But
drudgery of being a stay-at-home mom,
a less intense, repressed world"
Abby's predicament is an emotionally and
Abby seeks a way to reclaim her sexuality
physically unfulfilling marriage (to a woman),
and self. Passon rejects the idea that it's a
partner, Rose Troche, will be working on a
and the panacea she chooses is sex work.
lesbian bed death film. "Lesbian bed death
second feature film and the pilot for a TV
It's a brilliant plot device, and audiences will
presupposes that they're both not into it
series. "Fortune favors the bold," as the say-
be intrigued by the adventures of an afflu-
anymore. This woman is sexually hungry.
ing goes, and Passon's midlife risk-taking,
ent, suburban mother trapped in a marriage
She's been sexually abandoned."
that isn't working. Abby (Robin Weigert)
Noting that marriage can be a prison,
Up next, Passon and her producing
launched by a boy's unharnessed arm, has
catapulted her to international acclaim.
FEATURES/COVER
STORY
TigNotaro
Gets the Last Laugh
How the out comic turned tragedy into comic gold.
BY VICTORIA
N
A. BROWNWORTH
I PHOTOS BY ROBIN ROEMER
othing stops Mathilde"Tig"Notaro.
The comic and actor is not one to
sit still and wait for things to happen. Take, for instance, how, when she was
just starting out in the L.A. comedy scene,
she would rush from one end of the city to
the other just for the chance to do a five-minute
set at an open mic night-without
a car. If
you've spent even a day in Los Angeles, you
know what a challenge that is. America's
most sprawling city is a web of highways,
four-lane boulevards, hills and valleys that
go on forever. But that daunting topography
didn't stop Notaro. She would ride her bike
from gig to gig-her bike.
She's also a multitasker: The day of our
interview, she was driving (she has a car
now) to get her mail as we talked. Time is of
the essence, you see. But then, nearly dying
several times in several different ways in the
space of a few months will do that to you-
there is a sudden desire to make every second
count. And she does.
If you aren't familiar with Notaro's comedy, her specialty is a unique, long-form
routine involving stories that are so offthe-charts funny that the first time I heard
her do one (her now-infamous
Taylor
Dayne routine), I thought I would literally
die laughing.
On August 3, 2012, Notaro told one of
these extraordinary tales-a stunning routine ripped from her life. The audience was
in shock as the comic stepped on stage at
Largo in L.A. and explained that she'd just
been diagnosed with breast cancer in both
breasts.
Just as in only-days-before just.
For someone as driven as Notaro, if she
has a story to tell, she has to tell it.
The day after her set, she was getting
calls from all over. It seems that Louis C.K.
had gone on Twitter to talk about her, and
Notaro was unprepared for the power of
social media.
Louis C.K. tweeted, "In 27 years doing
this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful stand-up sets. One was Tig Notaro
last night at Largo:' It was, Louis C.K. would
say later, when he put the audio of her set up
on his website, "instantly legendary:' (Notaro's set that night is now available on iT unes
and on CD.)
The irony about the T witterverse response
is that Notaro says her main concern in
talking about having cancer was that she
wouldn't get work. "It was just really funny;'
she says. "I was talking to my manager days
before and asking, like, 'How are we going to
keep this a secretr'"
But she soon realized her cancer wouldn't
stay a secret. She tested the waters in the
July 31 episode of her "Professor Blastoff"
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
67
FEATURES/COVER
STORY
podcast by announcing that she had cancer.
Factual, a little wry, but not really humorous.
She said, "About a year ago, I noticed what
would be a lump in my teat, and I have been
just thinking of course that it's nothing. A
week or two ago, I went in [to the doctor]
to get my first mammogram. I'm 41. I guess
I should have started last year. So I went in
and got the mammogram and the results
were abnormal. Go in for a follow-up, and
I was told the follow-up would take 30 or
45 minutes at most, and yesterday I spent
the entire day in the hospital while they ran
numerous tests. The doctor came in and she
was clearly a highly intelligent, kind, but very
concerned person. And when I was going
through the tests all day yesterday, part of
me thought there was a misunderstanding ...
based on already being hospitalized with a
deadly illness, and my mother dying, there
was just no way they were going to come in
and tell me anything but, 'OK, everything
looks great!' And the doctor came in and her
tone was very scary. And she said 'OK, so, we
have found something in both breasts: After
all the explanation, I said, 'Wait a minute, are
you telling me that I possibly have cancer?'
And she said, 'Well, we have to get biopsies
done, but from what I can see, with all the
testing we've done, it is very probable that
you do, in both breasts, yes:"
That was on a Tuesday. By the weekend,
Notaro was on at Largo.
So how did she feel when she stepped on
stage knowing she was going to share her
diagnosis:' "I thought it was going to be
a disaster," Notaro admits. "Everything in
my life had fallen apart and I had no idea
what was going to happen next. I thought,
This could be the end of my life! And I loved
stand-up and I could see myself going into
surgery and things just falling apart:'
Notaro had good reason to think things
would not go well for her. As she explained
to the audience in her set at Largo, in the
space of four months she'd had double
pneumonia, then she'd gotten C.diff, a rare,
life-threatening, intestinal infection caused
by the antibiotics she'd received for the
pneumonia. The already slender Notaro
had lost 20 pounds from the C.diff and was
"raw and weak:'
But that wasn't all. Her mother had suffered a freak accident, a fall at her home, and
68
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
she'd died suddenly as a result of her injuries.
And then Notaro's girlfriend-overwhelmed
by everything-broke
up with her.
That's what Notaro took up on stage with
her at Largo. If you find yourself laughing
nervously, and saying, "Omigod, no?;' then you
could have been in the audience that night,
when she opened her set with, "Good evening.
Hello. Thank you. Thank you. I have cancer.
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Howareyout
As Notaro talks about that night, she
describes what happened in the audience.
"It was quite a mix of responses;' she says.
"There were people who looked shocked,
and people who were just flat-out laughing
hysterically, and there were people who were
crying. I had no expectations about how people would respond, but it was good. It was
definitely good:'
But why talk about cancer:' "I didn't feel
like not talking about ir;' she says succinctly,
adding, "It was a major chance that I took.
The audience was so great. It was a whole
new experience. In stand-up and in life I take
my own advice, and my own advice is, do
what you want-and
I wanted to do this, to
try this out, to see what would happen:'
She explains how going with your gut
in comedy-and
in life-is vital. "Putting
restraints on yourself and who you are is so
debilitating. For me, if I have a story to tell, I
have to tell it. Physical comedy, one-liner, or
15-minute story, I'm going to do it. What I
have to say-my point of view-is going to
come through:'
But Notaro is not oblivious to her audience, either. "You really can tell how it all is
going;' she says, "by how they respond:'
There's a point in the 30-minute cancer
routine where everything is very quiet, and
Notaro, who has been interacting with the
audience throughout, telling them it's going
to be all right, asks if she should switch over
to her regular routine and tell a few standard
jokes. A man in the audience yells, "No!. ..
This is fucking amazing ... It's beautiful. Do.
Not. Stop:'
So she continues on: "Thank you. Now
I feel bad that I don't have more tragedy to
share;' and everyone laughs wildly-through
tears no doubt.
Until her serious run of truly terrible
bad luck, she was "doing great:' Her career
was moving along well. She was a regular
contributor to NPR'.s award-winning This
American Life. She had appeared on Conan,
to very positive reviews. She'd performed on
Comedy Central. She'd been on her friend
Sarah Silverman's show, as a lesbian police
officer. She was planning on heading to New
York to work on Amy Schumer's show. And
she was doing stand-up literally everywhere.
Comedy is what Notaro has always been
drawn to. She says, "I was always interested
in doing it, I always wanted to try it our:'
The excitement in her voice rises as she
says, "It was even better than I had hoped.
It was such a rush, and it felt so good to
do, and I've just been obsessed with it, ever
since I was a kid:' Audience laughter, she
says, is exhilarating. "As soon as they laugh,
you remember, 'Oh, that's what I'm doing
this for:"
Stopping is not in Notaro's future plans.
After her "year in hell;' she asserts, 'Tm oddly
well:' She laughs a little and explains that
this didn't happen overnight. In fact, it was
a hellishly long struggle. But now, she says,
'Tm almost totally back to normal. It's been
a long road, but my health is great. I have a
pretty strict diet that I cheat on pretty regularly. I just saw the oncologist yesterday. I'm
beginning a new treatment in a few weeks
that will last for the next five years and is
more security that I'm taking care of myself:'
Notaro takes a deep breath, pauses, and
says, "Things were so bad for so long. I didn't
know if I was dying. I didn't know what the
next step was:' She wishes she'd had her
mother's support through the diagnosis
and the treatments, but she is also glad her
mother didn't have to go through it with her.
"She was a very emotional person:' Her loss
FEATURES/COVER
STORY
hangs in the air for a moment.
Notaro doesn't mention the ex-girlfriend,
but says, 'Tm dating. I'm not in a committed relationship, but I'm dating:' Then she
voices what so many cancer survivors fear: "I
thought my life was going to change and I
was going to be considered damaged goods.
But I'm alive in the world and meeting people.
It's been nice to find that having scars across
my chest doesn't matter:'
The fact that her cancer routine has gone
viral has helped with that. "I don't have to
explain a lot. It's pretty out-there. I mean,
there are people who don't know, but I talk
about it:'
Notaro is not traveling as much as she
once did, but has a regular schedule of appearances in L.A. She's enjoying her new normal.
"It's not that everything was bad, but now
everything is good. It's a process. But I'm in
such a good place. I was in New York and
doing a lot of appearances. I have a lot of new
material. I'm writing a book. I'm working on
a TV show-it's being tossed around and
talked about and it's in the early stages of
developing the idea. A documentary is being
made about me right now, about my year
following my run of hell:'
The future seems bright-and
busy.
Notaro has been refining her new material
by popping into comedy clubs unannounced
and trying it out. She has a program planned
on Showtime with the Canadian comic Jon
Dore. And the hit series InsideAmy Schumer,
for which Notaro is a writer and sometimes
an actor, has been picked up for a second series.
She's alive and well. Life is opening up wide
for Notaro, who admits, "Now I am having to
turn things down. It's embarrassing-it's just
so good:'•
70
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
TURES/
TRAVEL
W
hen you're seeking romance
and relaxation, adventure and
the great outdoors, the second-largest Hawaiian Island has it all. Leaving
Kahului Airport, I felt the humid evening
air caress my face, hopped into my Mustang
convertible (supplied by Budget Rent-ACar), and knew that I was in paradise.
WHERE TO STAY
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Gay-owned and -operated Maui Sunseeker
LGBT Resort (mauisunseeker.com) is the
only establishment of its kind on the
island. It literally flies the rainbow flagand was chosen by Beth Ditto and Kristen
Ogata as the place to get married. And it's
no wonder. An easy drive from the airport,
Maui Sunseeker enjoys a beachfront setting
and an upscale yet homey ambience.
Perfect for a lesbian wedding party. The
penthouse, with its huge balcony, feels
like a house, and is a great choice for
those wanting to self-cater and spend
time exploring the island at a local's pace.
Whatever kind of accommodation you
choose here, and there are options, Maui
Sunseeker offers privacy and community,
with a daily Happy Hour for guests on
a private rooftop deck. Michael Waddell
and the boys are lesbian-loving gay men
who will make you feel at home, and mix
you a fine Mai Tai to help you get into the
Maui mood.
T ravaasa Hana ( travaasa.com/hana) is
something different, and favors couples
without kids. Set on a rambling plantation
in a more remote part of the island, this
resort may be a splurge, but it's a perfect
choice if this is your honeymoon or annual
vacation and you want to enjoy every
blissful minute with your ladylove. The
private bungalows are beautifully yet simply decorated and include large private
decks with ocean views-many
have an
eastern vantage point, so you'll see the sun
rise from behind a headland framed by
gently arching palm trees. The amenities
include an in-ground pool with stunning
views of the dramatic and rocky coastline,
manicured lawns and tropical gardens, a
romantic onsite restaurant, a healing center
with yoga classes, tennis courts and golf
cart transportation at your beck and call.
The best part? Perhaps it's Honua Spa,
with its outdoor lava rock Jacuzzi. Or perhaps it's the complimentary Happy Hour
for guests and staff. Or the fact that your
tip is always included. The staff is simply
lovely, and their contentment adds to the
tranquility of the place.
Makena Golf & Beach Resort is the
place to go if you want to have everything
at your fingertips (makenaresortmaui.com).
This hotel has all the amenities you'd expect
from a big commercial property, including
several choices for fine dining, and hosts
food-and-wine-tasting events with guest
sommeliers, another enticement to stay on
the property; and it serves what is probably the best breakfast buffet on the island.
Makena has its own private beach, so you
can leave your room, throw your towel
down, and start soaking up the Maui sunshine. Plus, you can organize your outrigger
canoe and snorkeling excursions right at
the hotel's beach shack.
Peninsula, with its spectacular shoreline
featuring lava pinnacles, taro patches, an
old Hawaiian village, and a church built
in 1856, offers picturesque insights into
the past. The quiet little town of Ke'anae
is legendary for its taro farming, which has
been passed down through multiple generations. Wai'anapanapa State Park is well
worth a stop to explore its volcanic coastline, featuring sea stacks, blowholes and a
black sand beach. If you arrive in Hana,
which is smaller than it sounds, at lunchtime, purchase a snack at the Hana Bay
Snack Shop, the Hasegawa General Store,
or one of the other mom-and-pop shops,
or eat at a roadside food truck. For insight
into Maui's past, visit the Hana Cultural
Center, a museum and information center
at the entrance to Hana Bay. In the heart
of the town, the Hana Cultural Center
also features a gift shop and the old Hana
courthouse and jail (listed on the National
Register of Historic Places).
WHAT TO DO
For aquatic excursions, it doesn't get any
better than those offered by Alii Nui
Snorkel Sail (aliinuimaui.com). Thanks to
these guys, I swam with green sea turtles
on Earth Day! Unlike many marine-lifespotting tours, where the critters can
play hard to get, this outfit leads you to the
beating heart of turtle activity. This was
the best snorkeling adventure I have had:
Sailing on sapphire-blue seas to Turtle
Point and snorkeling above a beautiful
coral reef. Top it off with a celebratory
buffet lunch served onboard and you have
a perfect one-day excursion.
Getting to Hana, in east Maui, involves
a beautiful and relaxing drive that takes
around three hours, one way. There are
many places to stop, beginning with the
town of Paia, for beverages, snacks, and
possibly some souvenirs. Ho'okipa Beach
Park is a pleasant stop on the Maui coastline. A mecca for surfers since the 1930s,
the lookout offers stunning views of the
white sand beach and surf action. The
Garden of Eden Botanical Garden and
Arboretum (mauigardenofeden.com) and
a 26-acre haven for rare tropical flora and
fauna. If you have time, stop and wander
the trails to experience some of the natural
wonders of the South Pacific. The Ke'anae
WHERETO EAT
The Hawaiian Islands are embracing foodie
culture in a big way, and there are many
places to have a special meal. We were more
than spoiled at the award-winning Ko at the
Fairmont Kea Lani (fairmont.com/kealani).
Ko means "sugarcane" in Hawaiian, and the
name is a nod to Hawai'i's sugarcane plantation era, which also inspired the ethnic
melting pot of influences that informs the
restaurant's delectable menu. This is date
night on a stick, with a breathtaking setting,
impeccable service, and some lavish plating
of delicacies such as the macadamia nutcrusted Makai Catch or sugar cane-skewered prawns and scallops.
For something more casual, The Monkeypod Kitchen by Merriman in Wailea
(monkeypodkitchen.com) served up a lunch
after our long drive back from Hana that I
will not soon forget.
The food is locally sourced, sustainable,
and hearty, and we tucked into the Big
Island lobster and Hamakua wild mushroom pizza with white sauce, Parmesan,
and thyme; the garlic truffie oil fries; and a
whopping slice of strawberry and coconut
cream pie. That meal, especially, will live
on in my memory of magical Maui moments. (gohawaii.com/ maui) •
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
73
M
y partner's first cruise was our
last date, at least for a while,
because Nicole, an Australian,
had to go back Down Under. Nic's visa had
expired, and in March, to celebrate and mourn,
we sailed to the Bahamas.
There wasn't an Olivia cruise handy,
but we did find an attractive last~minute
deal on a Norwegian Cruise Line ship.
Although the ship's name-Norwegian
Sky-sounded
dark and forbidding, we
booked a four~night cruise from Miami in
the hope of sunny times.
On the last part of our four~hour drive
to Miami, our Google Map lead us to an
exit that took us careening off the highway
and into the Everglades. Trying to renego~
tiate the route, I made more wrong turns,
which soon had Nie shrieking, "Ignore the
bloody directions! We're going to miss
our ship!" and reaching for the steering
wheel, while I drove determinedly the way
the map said, trying to wrest the printout
from her hands. Not a great start.
I kept my temper, though, and after Nie
calmed down, we sheepishly made our way
through Miami's tawdriest streets to the
cheapo parking Nie had found online: $12
a day instead of $20 at the port. Despite
74
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
our contretemps, I thanked Nie for saving
us the bucks. I wondered if every moment
of the journey was going to seem like a
comment on our partnership.
We checked in and walked up the gang~
way, our wheelie bags tip~tapping over the
struts. Our stateroom was lovely, colorful
and cozy, with faux Georgia O'Keefes on
the bulkhead. The porthole let in blue sky
and light, and we got a fruit basket from
the captain and a card congratulating us
on the special event we were celebrating.
Everything was addressed to Mrs. Ken~
dall and Mrs. Phillips, so apparently no
one had paid attention to the fact that the
special event was our 13th anniversary
-the anniversary of our civil union, Mr.
Cruise Director! Still, we enjoyed the
grapes and looked forward to dining with
the captain.
Before leaving the port we had a safety
drill, signaled by a series oflong, low blasts
on an impressive horn. We had to go to our
lifeboat station, which, promisingly, was L
as in lesbian. As we were tracking down
the right deck, Nic's face looked tight, and
I knew she was nervous. She hadn't yet
learned the ll~deck ship's layout, and she
doesn't like not knowing where she is. To
reassure her, I took her hand, but after a
quick squeeze she dropped mine, probably
because she felt self conscious in front of
all the straight people.
We spotted a few queer men-good
haircuts, tight shorts, tight torsos-but
no
other dykes. Given the usual 10 percent
estimate, of the 2,000 passengers there
should have been 200 gay people, of which
We spotted a few
queer men-good
haircuts, tight shorts,
tight torsos-but no
other dykes.
''
100 should have been women. So, we
wondered, where were the lesbians? And
then we realized-duh,
they're on Olivia!
That evening, Nie and I explored the
outer decks, working our way up to the top
level by the pools. There, on the platform
by the hot tubs, several Spring Break girls
were dancing, showing off their tans/
figures/ new bathing suits/loud laughter
for the boys lounging like hippos in the
water. It was a sexy show, and I wanted to
watch, but Nie plodded off."Some of them
could be dykes;' I said, but I didn't even
convince myself, and Nie just snorted.
Marching along to the basketball court,
Nie said that those girls needed a good
feed. I followed silently, glad that she prefers
curvier women.
Our first port of call was Freeport, on
a slightly rainy day. We escaped from the
shops, shopping, and shoppers, and got
a lift to Lucayan National Park, 25 miles
from Freeport, on the south shoreline.
The only tourists and almost the only vis~
itors in the park, we crossed through the
swampy, bird~filled mangroves on wooden
walkways. Then we climbed some steps
over a sand dune and suddenly saw a
magnificent half~moon beach. The high~
tide mark was lined with white~gray tree
stumps with long curling roots, and the
water was that sexy translucent turquoise,
lightened by the white sand underneath.
We ditched our stuff and stepped into
the water, which was just slightly cool.
Waist deep for a hundred yards out, the
water seemed extra salty and extraor~
dinarily dear, ideal for swimming. On
my back, I kicked up a fountain of white
water, exulting. We made it! After all the
expense and hassle, the cruise was every~
thing I'd hoped for: We were free, together
and happy in a beautiful spot.
That evening, we attended the "LGBT
gathering" listed on the Plan of the Day,
but the gathering turned out to be just Nie
and me. No one else in the room looked
even faintly queer. It's great that Norwe~
gian makes the space and time available,
but too bad that there weren't enough
LGBTs to make it happen.
On our dress~up night, we went to the
captain's private reception in a beautiful,
dark~wood bar. The first ones to enter the
room, we saw a long reception line of of
ficers in white, waiting to greet us, and at
the head of the line a tall man rising from
a bow. It was Captain Fredriksson, wel~
coming us to his ship. Sixty~something,
Swedish, with quicksilver hair and a con~
fident jaw, he was old~world handsome. In
response to his bow, I for the first time in
my life got to curtsey, and he greeted us
with warm handshakes.
It was dear that the captain a) knew
we were a couple and b) wished us to feel
welcome. At dinner, we were seated at his
central table, with just six other people.
The arrangement was the traditional
male/ female/ male all the way around the
table, until it came to us: To my delight,
Nie was seated next to the captain, a great
honor on any ship, let alone one with
2,000 passengers. It turns out, the captain
loves Australia and loves telling stories. He
made sure that we had a perfect meal and
an entertaining evening.
Another night, when we were dining
at the Italian restaurant, the maitre d' saw
us coming and said, ''Are you Gillian and
Nicolet After our meal, he brought us a
happy~anniversary cake complete with
candle. Our server, Kenroy, took our
hands and joined them, while the servers
sang "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" in
dear, lovely voices, singing as if they
meant it. I joined in, and Nie laughed with
embarrassment and pleasure as she was
serenaded. For the first time in my life I
was singing a love song to my partner with
a chorus of backup singers. What better
way could there be to say goodbye-and
make sure she comes back? •
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
75
TURES/
TRAVEL
Chi-Toivn
Charmer
Bed down with the best at the Dana Hotel & Spa.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
LOCAL LESBIAN:
SANDI ROBINSON
T
his city has plenty of big-box corporate-style hotels but on a recent visit
to Chicago, I was relieved to stay at
the upscale Dana Hotel & Spa, an aesthetically
pleasing boutique hotel that feels more like a
trendy urban condo development. As soon as
I walked into the lobby I was delighted by the
unusual ambience: The hotel restaurant was
playing Alabama Shakes and the lovelyyoung
lady at Reception (more hipster than hotel
professional) greeted me like a friend. (For
more on the gay and gay-friendly staff, see the
Local Lesbian sidebar.)
As I entered my Corner King Room, I
sighed. No standard businessman decor
here. I had hardwood floors, polished
concrete ceilings, accent pieces to please
the fussiest urbanista, expansive windows
affording me a view down one of Chicago's
iconic streets, and a mini bar stocked not
with mass-produced snacks and secondclass wine but artisanal, locally made
rants and theaters in the cit}'. and
76
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
munchies-and
a split ofVeuve Clicquot.
While it's tempting to put the No Peeking sign on your door and stay holed up in
your room, pretending that this is your very
own Chi-Town crash pad, head up to the
rooftop Vertigo Sky Lounge, a destination
venue for locals (it's the only year-round
indoor-outdoor bar in the city). This chic
party space features outdoor lounges in
summer and braziers and an ice bar in
winter. While you're spoiled for culinary
outings in Chicago, the Dana's restaurant,
Freestyle Food + Drink, serves up a solid
and innovative a la carte breakfast, lunch,
and dinner, plus a weekend brunch. And
finally, the Asian-inspired spa is so good
that it's part of the establishment's tide.
And it took the No. 34 spot on Conde
Nast Traveler's Top 75 U.S. Hotel Spas for
2013-another
reason why this boutique
hotel is a superior choice for the discerning
traveler. (danahotelandspa.com) •
The effervescent and out Robinson, 31,
is the executive events manager for the
Dana Hotel & Spa, and works hard to
put both her city and her property on
the queer travel map. Here, she shares
the best of her hometown.
Describe Chicago's lesbian scene.
It's kind of an underground scene, with
elite promoters. The younger girls are
always out, but for my age group we
like to stick to specialty events.
Best night out with the girls?
Wherever All Girls Chi has a parry. It
can go anywhere from a nightclub to a
yacht on Lake Michigan. All Girls Chi
is organized by two women in their
early 30s who do cool, trendy parties in
Chicago.
Suggestions for women visiting?
Visit our local Chicago Area Gay
and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
There you will find information on all
LGBT events and happenings. I also
love Andersonville-that's
where all
the settled lesbians migrate to live. It
has awesome boutiques, bars, and
restaurants. Definitely come in June,
for Andersonville Midsommarfest.
That is the one time besides Pride that
you will find the entire lesbian population gathered together.
Why stay at the Dana Hotel & Spa?
Our slogan is Come as You Are. We
welcome everybody and treat everyone equally. The Dana is extremely
LGBT-friendly. We belong to the Chicago Area Gay and Lesbian Chamber
of Commerce, host Lambda Legal
every year for events, participate in our
Chicago Pride Parade, and advertise
with LGBT- and gay-friendly magazines and web sites. We also welcome
all LGBT events with open arms.
Hotin
Cleveland
The Midwestern city carries the torch for
Gay Games 2014. ev JILLIAN EUGEN10s
C
leveland, Ohio, is preparing to welcome thousands of participants and
spectators to the world's largest
LGBT multisport and cultural event, which
was last held in Cologne, Germany, in 2010
and kicks off in August next year. Cleveland,
even when the host site was expanded to
include nearby Akron, will be the smallest
area ever to host the Gay Games. But as visitors will soon learn, the city that's known
as "The Rock 'n' Roll Capital of the World"
more than makes up for its small size and,
by hosting this international event, promises to showcase itself as a world-class LGBT
destination.
Preparations have been in the works
for years. In January, Cleveland lit up its
Terminal Tower, a 52-story landmark, in
rainbow-colored lights to show its support for Gay Games 9. And last August,
organizers held a celebratory year-out
countdown, with beer, baseball, and fireworks. Tartan Yachts, a presenting sponsor,
is building 20 new boats so sailors can
compete on Lake Erie. It's the first time in
history that an entire fleet has been built
specifically for the Gay Games.
Though the GG9 itinerary is packed
with social activities, those looking to
break from the festivities can make like a
local and head to several venues, restaurants, and hot spots around the city.
A visit to University Circle takes you
to the epicenter of local culture: The site
includes the Cleveland Museum of Art
and the Cleveland Botanical Garden, as
well as the Cleveland Institute of Music
and the Cleveland Orchestra. The Cleveland Museum of Art (11150 East Blvd.)
even offers free admission to its permanent collections.
The Cleveland Botanical Garden is a
standout because of its huge Glasshouse,
home to both a Costa Rican rainforest
teeming with butterflies
and a Madagascan desert replete with chameleons, tortoises and baobab trees. Visitors
are asked to check themselves for errant
butterflies as they exit.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and
Museum (1100 East 9th St.) is, yes, touristy and is, yes, a must. It's one of the best
things to do when visiting Cleveland, and
for good reason: The museum is packed
with videos, artifacts, and memorabilia, all
paying homage to rock icons of the past
and present. Even this writer couldn't resist
the gift shop, and left with some quite
dashing Grateful Dead-themed socks.
And who says art and alcohol don't mix!
Art Hop, happening on the second Friday
of every month in the historic Tremont
neighborhood, offers a slew of Happy Hours
to patrons of local bars and restaurants,
who then head on over to neighborhood
galleries for their monthly art fix.
Nightlife for lady-lovin' gals in Cleveland will be in full swing during the
Games, but local stand-bys include the
Twist Social Club (11633 Clifton Blvd.),
which is perfect for hot summer nights. Its
large windows open up onto the sidewalk,
offering a good place to perch and cool
down. Cleveland residents have named
Bounce Night Club (2814 Detroit Ave.)
the Best Gay and Lesbian Bar for five
consecutive years. The drag competitions
feature performances by both kings and
queens, and women head to Bounce for
Gurlesque Fridays.
In between the parties and the athletics,
Cleveland has many ways to fuel up.
To sample local eats, go to the centuryold West Side Market, established in
1912, it is the largest indoor/outdoor
market in the United States. Its 180
booths display everything from fruits and
vegetables to locally sourced meats, and
even some international treats. The building's rounded brick ceiling, large windows,
and recessed lighting make it a gorgeous
place to shop.
While you're browsing and sampling
in the West Side Market, swing by the
lesbian-owned Pork Chop Shop, run by
Alexia Rodriguez and Emma Beno, a couple known as the "butcher babes:' They
specialize in traditional cuts of pork and
original sausage flavors. Check out their
Apple Provolone and Jalapeno Cheddar.
Not one to get excited about baconr
Cleveland has plenty of vendors for all
types of eaters, but for vegans, or the
vegan-friendly, walk down to Maggie's
Vegan Bakery (1979 West 25th St.) for a
cruelty-free cupcake.
A visit to Cleveland is the perfect opportunity to try what Rolling Stone once
called the "Best Milkshake East of the
Mississippi" at Tommy's (1824 Coventry Rd.). The menu hasn't changed much
since the place opened in 1972, except to
add the names of diners who have favored
or invented a certain dish: The "Gordon''
is a beef pie with barbecue sauce; the
"Kelsey" is an omelet with broccoli.
After the Gay Games, perhaps Tommy will have something new to add to his
menu.
It the meantime, the city is excited about
the start of GG 9. Event organizers promise
not only amazing athletes competting but
visual artists, singers, and musicians as well.
Looks like Cleveland is ready to rock. •
The Gay Games presented by the Cleveland Foundation runs August 9-16, 2014.
For more information, visit gg9cle.com.
OCTOBER
2013
CURVE
77
Yorker and saying people are nice, I really
mean it. At first, people looked me in the
eye here and I thought they were going to
mug me. I thought they had an agenda.
They don't.
What is Feast Portland?
It's a four-day festival with over 40 events.
The idea is to make Portland the center of
the food universe for four days out of the
year. It's the South by Southwest of food.
It's chefs coming together, making magic
happen around food. There's the Night
Market, where everything centers around
street food. If you're excited about meat on
a stick, tacos, noodles, this is the place for
you. It's just like an Asian night market.Feast
also hosts intellectual discussions around
food, as part of a speaker series about topics like why Portland matters, which it does
since it's the 26th-largest market in the U.S.
There's a GMO panel about labeling. We're
A Taste of Portland
Lesbian chef Carrie Welch serves it up. By Jenny Block
C
having real dialogue around food issuesfrom tasting to talking about it. And the
event raises much-needed funds for Share
Our Strength and Partners for a HungerFree Oregon.
CHEF WELCH'S PORTLAND PICKS
Favorite restaurant to take out-of-towners:
arrie Welch loves food. She
Welch is a true food-industry visionary,
was incredibly lucky to have
especially when it comes to all things local
Le Pigeon. It is quintessential Portland.
begun her career at the Food
and sustainable, so who better to ask about
Best breakfast and brunch: The Country
Network, which is "like starting
the culinary culture of Portland.
Cat, which has fried chicken, biscuits, gravy,
Bloody Marys, everything that makes
out at Disney," Welch says. She
finished her degree at New York University
How would you characterize the food
brunch life worth living, and the dim sum
on a Friday and started at the Food Network
scene in Portland?
at Ocean City. My wife is Taiwanese, so
the following Monday. For nearly 10 years
"Burgeoning" is the first word that comes
she's introduced me to the wonders of dim
she was there-"with
to mind. Exploding. New restaurants open
sum. We love the small spareribs, shumai,
Rachael Ray high-fiving in the hallways,"
every day. There are farms 30 minutes
and especially the beef wrapped in rice
she jokes. An administrative assistant to
away where you can get incredible ingre-
noodles.
start, Welch moved up to vice president of
dients. If you want a whole pig, you'll have
Best lunch: Wildwood for a fun, boozy,
PR in just a few years, and became part of
five people wanting to give you one, raised
actual lunch-no
the team that created the New York City
sustainably. And it's not expensive to open
sandwiches and salads. PaaDee for fresh,
Wine and Food Festival, overseeing the
a restaurant here. It's not cheap, but it's not
awesome Thai food. The Tom Yum Goong
Food Network's part in the event.
like New York City. If it doesn't work, you
is to die for.
won't be ruined. There's so much potential
Best dinner: Restaurant Beck on the
Welch moved to Portland in 2010 with her
here, and the city is ripe and ready for it.
Oregon Coast. Hands down. The restau-
wife, Jannie, thinking she wanted to open
What would you say surprises people
rant overlooks Whale Cove near Depoe
a restaurant. But, as luck would have it, she
about food when they come to Portland?
Bay, and the food from chef Justin Wills is
met the food and festival guru Mike Thelin
Two things. How nice everyone really is,
some of the most exciting I've had on the
first. Together they co-founded Bon Appetit
and what people are able to do with the
West Coast. Pork belly confit with smoked
Presents Feast Portland: A Celebration of
ingredients. Clever, approachable, not
maple ice cream. Yum.
Oregon Bounty. A festival of local food and
unfamiliar. Any night of the week, you
Favorite cuisine: I'm a sucker for new
American, which works really well in the
Bobby Flay and
Then things got even more interesting.
egg dishes, just real
drink, with a mission to end child hunger,
can have a great meal that far surpasses
the first Feast took place in September of
a weekend meal in another city. [There's
Pacific Northwest. I like sushi, clean flavors
2012. It included 100 chefs, 42 events and
one chef in Portland] doing a buffalo heart
with fresh, simple ingredients.
9,000 attendees-and
tartar. And it's OK to eat it raw, because it's
Best snack: Annie's Donuts. The best
for Share Our Strength and Partners for a
that good, that fresh. It's doing something
old-fashioned doughnuts I've ever tasted.
Hunger-Free Oregon.
different with ingredients. Being a New
(feastportland.com) •
78
CURVE
OCTOBER
raised $46,000
2013
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79
TLOOK!STARS
Tricks and Treats
As Mercury retrogrades our communications may go awry.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
LIBRA %
%
%
This gal is a babe %
%
magnet Blessed with %
innate charm and %
sex appeal, her only %
%
concern is choosing %
among the favored %
%
few She is often %
swayed by a pretty %
face and has a rather %
%
large sweet tooth for %
decadent desserts %
%
As with other air %
signs, she is.. ahem .a %
%
flexible lover. This %
means that not only %
is she somewhat of %
%
an accomplished %
acrobat, but is also %
%
rather experimental %
Her list of lovergrrls %
spans a wide variety %
%
of personality and %
body types, and %
%
threesomes are not %
unusual. What she %
lacks in spontaneity, %
%
she amply makes up %
for in delicious variety %
%
%
%
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor%
of HerScopes:
A Guide
to Astrology%
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-%
%
tinyurl.
com/HerScopes.
%
(Sept. 24-0ct 23)
Nowavailable
asanebook.
80
CURVE
OCTOBER
2013
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
There is nothing scary in your
bag of tricks now but there
are some surprises that will
require you to take action.
October is the time to clean
out your closet and toss out
any psychological baggage
that has been holding you
back from success. Liberation
is liberating! Grab the world
by the collar and give it a
shake, Libra.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Scorpios are the leaders of
the Pride parade and find
new ways to get their gal pals
to dance to their tune. You
feel fit, feisty and full of fun.
Expand your area of influence
by joining new clubs or
maneuvering into elite social
sets. Will you harness all of
this personal power for good
or will you use it for your own
personal gain?
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
If your career has stalled or
is a bit off the rails, October
gets you back on track
professionally. Maybe it's
because dormant projects
suddenly get a new life. Or
maybe it's because a certain
powerbroker recognizes your
worth. Whatever starts your
engine be sure that you are in
the driver's seat.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Love surprises you this
October. It is not just because
she is someone who you would
never expect, but she will arrive
from a place you would never
consider. Let life embrace
you Capricorn and be open to
the possibilities. And listen to
your own voice, rather than
the advice of gal pals. They
may have your best interests
at heart but listen to your own
heart instead.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
Aqueerians have animal
magnetism and know how
to attract who they want this
month. There are tricks and
treats among your many gal
pals if you decide to mine
your social calendar for gems.
But don't let all this sizzle ice
your career plans. Find time
to attend to both the practical
and the passionate. You are
even sexier with a large bank
account and a power position.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
Not only do they love you
at work, you can use your
moxie to strengthen all types
of important relationships.
So don't sit back and wait for
the world to come to you.
Use your personal oomph to
get where you want to go, be
who you want to be and enjoy
who you want to enjoy. Life
is too short to contemplate
your navel. Go contemplate
someone else's.
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Love is waiting for you in the
far corners of the world so
explore a few remote nooks
and crannies as part of an
adventuresome getaway. If
time and money are tight,
expand your horizons any way
you can. Lambda Rams are
now very experimental sexually
whether you are open to a new
"type," position or come-on.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Although there may be
relationship misunderstandings
this month, you can use your
immense powers of persuasion
to repair any hurt feelings. But
at the same time, you can't
always be walking on eggshells
around certain girlfriends.
Taureans need their personal
space to enjoy the party, let off
steam and get their game on.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Concentrate on your domestic
agenda by sprucing up your
surroundings and sharing
it with a bevy of bosom
buddies. Geminis who are in
a relationship can ratchet up
the romance. Those who are
searching for a soul mate can
find her. But you have to make
the effort to get out there and
look. Plan some get-togethers
and see who gets together.
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Cancers are bold, cheeky and
beautiful this October. So
spread the word, among other
things. Someone in the next
cubicle has her eye on you.
Be prepared to complicate
your work environment with a
light flirtation-or something
heavier. It starts with a
furtive glance, then a smile
then perhaps a rendezvous.
Excitement is in the air!
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
You find that your expenses
exceed your revenue. The
good times roll but need to be
bankrolled. Lionesses love to be
in the center of attention and
the best way now is to become
a well-endowed benefactress
who spreads her largess. Enjoy
sharing your gotten gains
but know when to say when.
Try to save something for the
proverbial rainy day.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
You can make your mark on any
scene you decide to steal. Not
only are you very charismatic,
you also seem to give out
nurturing vibes, which can
bring any lady running. Gather
your courage and take a risk
with something or someone
new. Actions speak louder
and prouder than words this
October so put that tongue to
better use.
mc.c.-I- Iis-l-c.t""".
get you rs today.
curvemag.com
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