-
Description
-
ToC Mr. Showbiz (p26); Going Deep (p30); Size Queen (p41); Lady Guinevere (p47); Cover: Body Love with Mary Lambert (p49); Big, Bold & Beautiful (p56); Travel (p72).
See all items with this value
-
issue
-
3
-
Date Issued
-
April-May 2014
-
Format
-
PDF/A
-
Publisher
-
Frances Stevens
-
Identifier
-
Curve_Vol24_No3_April-May-2014_OCR_PDFa.pdf
-
extracted text
-
o
74470
80539
APRIL/MAY
2014
COVER PHOTO BY DEBORA SPENCER
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
1
APRIL/MAY
2014
13
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IN EVERYISSUE
6
EDITOR'S NOTE
8
FEEDBACK
9
CURVETTES
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 THIS IS WHAT A
LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE
Our monthly profile of the
hottest and most talented
queer girls around.
28
12 BEAUTY
Beauty pioneer Brenda Brock
makes natural, organic, crueltyfree lotions for face and body.
13
HOT PICKS
14
LESBOFILE
15
SHE SAID
VIEWS
16
OUT IN FRONT
18 POLITICS
Taking care of our bodies as
we age is a necessary and
political act. By Victoria A.
Brown worth
20 THE TWO OF US
Our monthly profile of captivating lesbian couples who
live, love and work together.
22
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
24
ADVICE: FITNESS
No matter what your body
type, size or shape, keeping
fit is about mind over matter.
By Anne Neczypor
2
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
FILM
Sex After Kids is a must-see
movie. By Dar Dowling
32 MUSIC
A preview of Amy Ray's
hot new album. By Sarah Terez
Rosenblum
34 BOOKS
Our hottest picks for between
the covers this month.
Curve's online selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
DELECTABLEDINAH
SAVEOUR YOUTH
Go behind the scenes of Girl Bar and
A new study led by Margaret
Truck Stop Girlz' Dinah Vegas 2014. In
Rosario, professor of psychol-
association with Total Rewards by Caesars
ogy at City College of New York,
Entertainment, Vegas glitters for the third
has found that LGBT youths are
year in a row with thousands of lesbians
more likely to engage in behaviors
reveling in non-stop entertainment,
associated with cancer risk than
cool
cocktail culture, gourmet dining and gaming
heterosexuals. Read more about
in the iconic city that never sleeps.
how we can protect our futures by
becoming aware of the 12 cancerrisk behaviors.
MEET
THE
BLOGGERS
CURVEMOVIE NIGHT
Put on the popcorn, plump up the pillows, and
cuddle up with your cutie on Friday and Sunday
nights to enjoy the latest lesbian flick at a low
pay-per-view rate.
THE HOTTESTLICKS
What's new in lesbian music? We present the latest
videos and reviews featuring everyone from A-List
lesbian musos to up-and-coming singer-songwriters.
Check out Hannah & Maggie and their new single, now!
4
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
We have some of the
leading voices in our
community sharing
their thoughts on
love and romance,
parenting and
politics, and sex and
spirituality-not to
mention our huge
collection of
lesbian fandom.
Fallinlove
with Britai
ora warm welcome,
fabulousvacation and
experiencesyou'll cherish
forever,cometo Britain.
We'recelebratingequal love
and you're invited.
RONT!MERRYN'S
MEMO
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
Bodies lle llt111I
f you're reading this, I'm going to assume that you're a woman and you're
familiar with a number of women's magazines. If that's the case, then
you've probably already experienced a lifetime of negative messages about
your body, which will have informed the image you have of your physical
presence in this world.
Conventional feminist wisdom has it that lesbians are more immune to feeling
bad about their bodies than their heterosexual sisters are. But to be honest with
you, I have never been to bed with any woman who is 100 percent happy with her
body, and that saddens me. Where do these negative images come from-the media
that I am part of r
It gives me and our team at Curve a lot of pleasure to deliver you our Body issue.
In it we hope to redress the balance of all the negativity in the mainstream women's
press, and offer you some helpful and
healthy views of our own. But I wish that
putting a positive spin on the diversity of
female physiques were as easy to achieve
as it was to put this issue together.
Even our beautiful, talented, and
I
successful cover girl, Mary Lambert, who
recently garnered mainstream attention
with her soulful rendition of"She Keeps
Me Warm" during the "Same Love"
medley at the 2014 Grammy Awards,
has suffered from body-image issues
since the age of 9. In our interview with
Lambert, to celebrate the release of her
EP, Welcometo the Age of My Body, she
reveals her struggle with body shame
and suicidal thoughts. In fact, statistics
show that many queer women have a
difficult relationship with their bodies, and this negative view is reinforced by social
inequities. According to WomensHealth.gov, lesbians and bisexual women are more
likely to be unfit, to smoke, drink, and suffer from depression and anxiety. Due to
the invisibility of and discrimination against lesbians in the medical profession,
we are less likely to get routine screenings that detect cancer. And due to the legal
and financial inequities that leave us without comprehensive health insurance, the
average lesbian body is not very well attended to.
While we are women who desire other women, we should be vigilant about
loving our own bodies too. I certainly love Mary Lambert's current state of
happiness, which proves that whatever your body type or history, this can be a new
age for you and for your body.
~·
MERZ
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
APRIL/MAY
2014
»
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME
24 NUMBER
PUBLISHERSilke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGINGEDITOR Rachel Shatto
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Jillian Eugenics, Sheryl Kay, Stephanie
Schroeder
EDITORIAL
ASSISTANTCygnus Fogle, William Northup
PROOFREADERElizabeth Harper
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
EVENTS& MEDIA RELATIONSCOORDINATOR Robin Perron
ADVERTISING
CURVE'SMEDIA KIT ourmediakit.com
NATIONALSALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvema9azine.com
BUSINESSDEVELOPMENT
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag,com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Graham Jones, Meghan Musalo
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam L
Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Traci
Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Elizabeth Estochen, Jill
Goldstein, Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman,
Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Emelina Minero, Laurie K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder,
Janelle Sorenson, Rosanna Rios-Spicer, Allison Steinberg,
Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks,
Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Alex Styles, Meagan Cignoli,
Sophia Hantzes, Janet Mayer, Syd London, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE(415) 871-0569
FAX (510) 380-7487
ADVERTISINGSALES(415) 692-5420
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070
(toll-free in us only)
► Digital Subscription
(818) 286-3102 (outside US)
available for CurvePlus on SiPad •~•nk,ndle ► Google~,y
ADVERTISINGEMAIL advertising@curvemag.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 24 Issue 3 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 8
times per year (January/February, March, April/May, June, July/
August, September, October, November/December) by Avalon
Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034, Subscription price:
$59,90/year, $59,90 Canadian (U,S, funds only) and $89,95
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed
a $25 surcharge, Periodicals postage paid at New York 10034
and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355), Contents of
Curve may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in
part, without written permission from the publisher. Publication
of the name or photograph of any persons or organizations
appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an
indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless
specifically stated, Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited
manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any
representation only signifies insufficient materials, Submissions
cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope
is included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages.
The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions of the
editor, unless specifically stated, All magazines sent discreetly,
Subscription Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC.,
PO Box 467 New York NY 10034, email crvcs@magserv,com,
Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029, Postmaster: Send
Canadian address changes to crvcs@magserv.com, Curve, PO
Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8, Send U,S, address changes to
crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,
CA 91615-7138.Printed in the U.S.
curvemag.com
6
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
3
Fallin love
with Brf
POST
ON
FACEBOOK!
The
best
comment
posted
each
month
could
winyou
afree
digital
subscription!
Posts from our Facebook fans
Thanks for your "Local
Lesbians" section in the latest
issue of Curve [Vol. 24#2]. I
thoroughly enjoyed reading
about different women doing
interesting things around the
country and contributing to
the lesbian travel~sphere.
-Janice Duke,
Northampton, Mass.
Lesbian Inspiration
Thank you Curve magazine
for this lovely profile high~
lighting the work Global
Volunteers LGBT Volunteer
Vacations is doing to provide
the LGBT community a safe
way to volunteer around the
world, wipe out prejudice, be
immersed in another culture
and have lots of fun while
contributing to the greater
good! -Linda Schlapp,
You Are Not Alone
I just wanted to tell every~
one at Curve that you have
meant so much to me. I have
struggled with my sexuality
for years and ended up in a
horribly abusive marriage
because of my fear and self
doubt. Curve helped me find
my way through coming out,
leaving a marriage that was
destroying me and finding
love with the right person. No
matter what is going on in life
I know that grabbing a Curve
is going to help me feel like
I have friends out there. To
someone who felt isolated for
so long, that means so much.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
facebook.com/curvemag
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Tegan& Sara hit a high note
Aaack! Lovethem.
-Emily Green
Lovethese two!!
-Bobbi Adams-Lloyd
Teganand Sara •••
Haveto buy it!!
Uh no. Their hair is
fabulous as fuck
Rebecca.T&S are
flawless.
- Jessica Chaides
Haveto buy this one!!
-zelKoc;ak
-Emilie Delacoeur
Lookingforward to this copy
in the mail!
Ahhh, JUSTgot the
-Alicia Gilbertson
I love your sound
-Terry Johnson
Must have this to add
to my collection!!!
last issue in the mail
today, already looking
forward to reading
the new issue!
-Shannon Ferguson
Mah fave twins lol
-Kristen Larres
-AilinAtik
Their hair needs
some help. lol.
-Milagros Sanchez Pintado
Cometo Peru t&s
-Rebecca L. Burkhart
Maybe on some levels you
So thank you. From the very
feel you are just putting out
bottom of my heart. -Jessica
Lezman, Jenison, Mich.
a great magazine for lesbians
but to me on several occasions,
Curve felt like the only thing
Editor's Note: From the
bottom of our hearts we thank
saving me. The idea that other
New York, N.Y.
women are out there just like
you for reading Curve and hope
that it continues to support
me who are making it past
you for many years to come!
the struggle kept me going.
fi•)1@========================================================================:::::::::::::::::::::::H
HOW
WOULD
YOU
FEEL
IFYOUR
PARTNER
CAME
OUT
AS
TRANS
OR
GENDEROUEER?
15%
High-five,gender
is so last decade
21%
Turnedoff
WRITE
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
letters@curvemagazine.com
LISI 510.380.7487
curvemag.com/letters
Send to:
Email:
Fax:
8
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
Online:
2014
Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/customerservice.
✓ subscribe
✓ pay your bill
✓ change address
✓ renew
✓ get missing issues
✓ give a gift
UP FRONT/
GALADRIEL MOZEE &
SONDRA SOLOVAY
Galadriel Mozee is a multiracial
black fat stemme plant
whisperer, storywriter, artist,
and jam maker fighting for
fat/food justice in Portland,
Ore., one homegrown homecooked meal at a time. For
this issue Galadriel teamed
up with fellow fat activist
Sondra Solovay for a piece
on queer women of color in
the fat acceptance movement
in "Intersection" on page 64.
Sondra is a crafty lawyer who
co-edited The Fat Studies
Reader and wrote Tipping the
Sea/es of Justice: Fighting
Weight-Based Discrimination.
She is the director of content
at Workplace Answers and lives
in Oakland, Calif.
LILIA SCHWARTZ
CYGNUS FOGLE
Lilia Schwartz is a queer-fatactivist-photographer-geek
based in the San Francisco Bay
Area. She believes that true
love, glitter, and boardgames
can save the universe. She is
tickled to have shot the gaggle
of glamorous gals for our Size
Queen and Rowdy Baubles
fashion spread (page 41), as
well as the buxom beauties of
Rubenesque Burlesque (page
60), for this issue. For more of
Lilia's work check find her on
lnstagram under the
name pumpkinoodle.
Cygnus used to believe that
once having opened a picture
book, they could just jump
onto the picture and enter
the story. Today they live in
Baltimore where they continue
to jump into books, write mad
stories and articles, make
art and leave trails of glitter
wherever they go. They've had
the privilege of interviewing
and cracking jokes with the
likes of Murray Hill for this issue
(page 26). A hopeful journalist,
poet and mark-maker, they are
not without aspirations-but
for now Cygnus is enjoying
drawing comics, fact-checking
articles, manipulating
language, creating glitter mixes
and flouting the gender binary.
cu RVET
ROSANNA RIOSSPICER
Rosanna is a lesbian Chicana
who hails from California and
currently resides in N.Y.C.She's
working on several writing
projects including co-writing
and producing a short film
with her partner of five
years. She likes to ponder
on the political and personal
intersections of gender, race,
class and other marginalized
identities. In this issue Rosanna
interviews Burlycon organizer
Indigo Blue on page 56.
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
9
NDS/
THE GAYDAR
p
~~ THEGAYDAR
Takes one to know one? Let our gaydar help
~ you decide who's hot, who's not, who's
~ shaking it and who's faking 1tin lesboland.
~
Zombie-kind gets the
honorary lezzie nod
this month, thanks to a
history-making undeadlady-on-undead-lady
makeout sesh, on Conan
BY RACHEL SHATTO
~
Summoned from the depths
of 2003, the fauxmo-sexual
duo t.A.T.u. kicks off the Sochi
Olympics with a performance,
and reminds us why we forgot
them to begin with
Google does us proud with
their anti-discrimination,
rainbow-colored Olympic
Jennifer Aniston is going
movie gay again with
the revival of her maneating role from Horrible
Bosses. Except this time
around she's going to
be a real woman-eater ...
well, you know what
doodlel
We're shocked and
chagrined that
even with a cast
like Christina Ricci
and Clea DuVall,
Lifetime's Lizzie
Borden Took An Axe
practically ignores
the fact that Borden
was a real lady
killer-if ya know
what we mean
Disney
introduces
the network's
first-ever
lesbian couple
on Goodl.uck
Charlie. Good
Luck? More
like Good
Work, Disney!
Congrats to
all the queer
Olympians
who brought
home medals
from Sochi,
in particular
speedskater
lreen Wust (right)
who was the
Ji
first openly gay f4
athlete to earn
the gold in this
year's event
Fire up the celebratory
bagpipes! Scotland says
"aye" to marriage equality.
(Barely resisting the urge to
make Braveheart references
here)
Yep! She's gay. Our other
favorite Ellen-Ellen Pagesurprises and thrills us by
coming out!
1
In casting news that
has us chomping at the
bit, both Margaret Cho
and Fortune Feimster
have signed on to
Tina Fey's new series
Cabot College. How
do we apply for early
enrollment?
10
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Ukewea,en't
already counting
down the days
until season two of
OITNB, now Tank
Girl ...err...Lori Petty
joins the cast
[ Shakira and
Rihanna team
up for "Can't
Remember to
Forget You" and
the video is so
smoking hot we
couldn't forget
it, even if we
wanted to
Sapphic geeks
pay attention,
rumor has it the
Sailor Moon
reboot we've
be waiting for is
going to be super
gay, just like the
original manga.
Sailor Uranus and
Neptune, forever!
>-
ff-
WJ
Cl.
~
0
0
0
:s:
Q
~
0
Nost
BEAUTY
Be Radiant
FARMAESTHETICS'FOUNDERBRENDABROCKCREATES
BEAUTYCHEMISTRYIN THE KITCHEN.BYFIONA
DAWSON
P1~c1Ja1~ations.
Xot 1n~oducts,but
1n~c1uu~ations.
That is what makes Brenda Brock's
Rhode Island-based apothecary style
skincare line, Farmaesthetics, so
delightfully unique. Brock learned from
the best-seven generations of hardworking women who knew how to use
chemistry in the kitchen. She translates
their recipes with herbs, flowers, oils
and grains to create organic, 100
percent natural applications to meet our
skincare needs. The result is certified
2-year shelf-life formulations without
utilizing any synthesized compounds.
And absolutely no animal testing. Ever.
(farmaesthetics.com)
t. Complexion
Consc1•yc
In addition to preserving
and restoring cells under
the eyes or on your face,
Complexion Conserve
helps you sleep well at
night knowing that this
elixir is firming the telltale
signs of aging through
an intense moisture
application, especially on
your neck. ($52)
f'armaesthetics·
ComplexionConsent
11irrll~l,wrum
forfinninif1«!"
Need a refreshing pick me
up? This lightly fragrant spray
purifies and hydrates with a
romance reminiscent of the
1930s, proving that effective
skincare can be timeless. ($26)
...,..-knt,• ~kin•• nitlural ttp.111'!"'
::::r
;T,..,-i..-.,,:lO;L
12
Beauty
CURVE
n11Jo11"il'nnanu11auoe.r,.
IL!tu,..,drhydr.tedor,un-da_.
Powerful enough for waterproof
mascara yet with the soothing
properties of chamomile in
simple sweet almond oil. We
love that this preparation is also
a remedy for puffiness, wrinkles
and eyestrain. ($25)
APRIL/MAY
2014
J, dl~W-'l,N
a.Classic
~t.E~·chright E~·c
J Ialicup Rcmoycr
Sustainable
"'ro~ie-r
This powerful yet gentle preparation
is certainly Brock's "herbal ode to
Vick's VapoRub." The heat-producing
essential oils give a satisfying
chest release and relax tired and
sore muscles. Brilliant for a caring
massage on tired shoulders! ($25)
0. Pm•c
Complexion
Tonic
Guarantee a glow wherever you go with
a regime that restores health to any
complexion. You'll fall especially in love
with the Nourishing Lavender Milk, which
will become a staple in your routine-at
home and away. ($35)
Eyi-rria.kevp Removtr
1ts~01'1f~
2. Dcc1>LaYcmlcr Rub
5. LaYcndcr Htcial To Go
~~~
:armaesthetics
r
Farmaesthetics'
___
lint~~
Farmaesthetics
J 'l1'l.iJk
~cl;'~
oe,~
-!J.,,f.c,.c.n
Sustainable
Beauty
bf,_..!_O<<omo,Ch,
Rhode
U'.'.:,
---...e..:..:.c_:_::;_-
Feel every pore
completely cleansed
and toned with herbal
ingredients Mother
Nature surely made
just for our faces.
Once empty, parting
with the beautiful blue
glass bottle will be so
hard you may end up
with a collection! ($27)
"'atcrs
TRENDS/
HOT Pl
CROPTOP
REBELLION
Aussie designer Gisela Ramirez created
this cheeky crop top for anyone who has
ever been told they can't wear something
simply because it's not "flattering." Well
intentioned or not, this is really just code
for: you are not adhering to a traditional
beauty standard and that makes us
unfomfortable. Well you know whatf*ck that. (giselaramirez.com.au)
Wet For Her-the sex toy company created by lesbians, for lesbiansmake it their mission to develop toys with girl-on-girl action front and
center. The Fusion is their latest creation. This unique dildo is designed
to provide pleasure to both partners at the same time, without all the
phallic clunkiness of a double dildo. The ergonomic base has a clitoral
pleasure point specifically designed for pleasuring the wearer while
penetrating her partner. Available in three colors and sizes, the Fusion
is made with 100 percent soft and silky silicone and is phthalates-free.
It's much more than a rubber dick-it's
Twice the
how strap-on sex was meant to
be. Hello, simultaneous orgasms! (wetforher.com)
Pleasure
Strap-on sex gets a boost
from this ergonomic,
lesbian-engineered dildo.
BY MELANIE BARKER
fusion
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
13
NDStGOSSIP
Michelle Rodriguez
p
~ LESBOFILE
~
~
Michelle and Cara hook up, Laura Jane rocks out
and proud, and Robin finds her happy ending.
~
BY JOCELYN VOO
Bad Girls Club
If the world didn't know that Hollywood
bad girl Michelle Rodriguez and British
supermodel Cara Delevingne were an item
(um, did you miss their drunken front-row
tonguing at the Knicks game this past
January?), you certainly will know them
when they co-star in the Thelma and Louise
remake.
having different experiences of partnership
Yes, you read that right.
and aren't sure how to celebrate (or even
While Rodriguez was poised for the film,
what to call) these different kinds of love."
the identity of her co-star was uncertain
Bella's point? It's not about what your
for a time. Sources say actors like Kristen
status is; it's how you feel about it. And is
Stewart and Leighton Meester were up for
she happy? Yes, you could say she's very
the role, but Rodriguez made a heavy pitch
happy.
for Delevingne to star opposite.
Chemistry on and off the set? We'll see
if the film-or
just their relationship-ends
with a cliff dive.
What a Knockout
She's a Hit
A Happy Ending
Rock 'n' roll and homosexuality? Laura Jane
Roughly one year ago, Robin Roberts took
Grace, Against Me!'s trans frontwoman is
hiatus from the Today Show anchor desk
putting it front and center with their new
to deal with a troubling recent diagnosis:
album, Transgender Dysphoria Blues.
myelodysplastic syndrome, a rare blood
disorder. Now, Roberts returns to the show,
Add one more to the list of out and proud
"To me, it feels like there's real momen-
athletes: Professional Argentine boxer Ana
tum. Within the trans community, more and
with a list of people she is thankful for-not
Laura Esteche, known better to her fans as
more people are becoming visible," says
the least of which is her longtime lady.
La Monita, thanked "[her] woman" during
Grace, who came out in 2012. "I just want
"My year-end [Facebook] post was just
her post-World Boxing Association champi-
to be a part of that, and push that momen-
full of gratitude and just telling everyone all
onship win.
tum. I'm a musician, I'm in a band, and I put
that I'm grateful for, including my girlfriend
out records, that's what I do. That's what
Amber who really loved me through a very
I'm always going to do."
difficult year," Roberts said on GMA. "I'm
The light welterweight fighter's shoutout to girlfriend Johanna "Yoki" Gimenez,
also a professional boxer, was not brief,
And she's succeeding. Grace's new
very happy for the support and it's just
describing how she would unfailingly help
record has broken into the Billboard 200
letting everybody know to reflect on what
her train to be in peak condition. "To be
in the Top 25, and the band has graced the
got you to where you are right now and be
sincere, I am very happy to have a woman
stage on David Letterman.
grateful for where you are."•
like that," Esteche told ESPN.
Maria's Modern Family
What a knockout!
Prisoners actor Maria Bello made waves in
December when she penned her coming
out piece in the New York Times, declaring
her sexuality as more "whatever" than a
precise label. But though media trumpeted
her new lady relationship as the crux, the
public reacted more to her sentiment:
"As I saw the thousands of blog posts,
tweets, emails, letters and media articles, I
realized that there are many more 'modern
families' than I had thought," she wrote in a
follow-up Times piece. "A lot of people are
14
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
TRENDS/SHE
""
~0
g
>>>w
<.'.)
z0
~
3:
<..i
~
<(
:::i
~
"Women are
the sweet nectar
of this earth. I'm quite
mesmerized and infatuated by
w
~
~
:::i
9:
(/)
w
~>w
(/)
0
z
:::;
many, particularly
Evan Rachel
Wood ... It certainly helps playing
my character when I love and
adore women so much."
-Rookie Blue star
Charlotte Sullivan to
NY Castings
s
st
•I
PROFILE
rINCASE
~
Lauren Hasten
California
» Education
Lauren Hasten came out in the late 1980sbefore her idols Melissa Etheridge, Rosie
O'Donnell, and Ellen DeGeneres-and
because
the world was a different place back then, she
expected the worst. "There was nothing cool
about being gay," she says. "People stayed in
the closet for fear of destroying their reputations and careers."
Hasten came out because she refused
to live a life of lies and secrets. But as she
worked her way up as a sound engineer in
YOU
MISSED
I ~;~~i~l~~~~h~~:~:~i~!:~t~~~~~~~},~
casting of Shakira's steamy music video "Can't
Remember to Forget You," which features her
and Rihanna cheek to cheek, in every sense of
the word. Ramirez says, "Shakira's new video is a
shameless case for lesbianism and immorality. It
is a danger to children."
the recording industry, she found that being
openly gay was almost a positive, especially
because she identifies as butch.
"I couldn't be objectified, so I was an equal,
just another one of the guys."
It was while she was remastering an ancient
Burl Ives Christmas album, about 15 years ago,
that she decided she needed to rethink her
career choice and went back to school. While
she was working toward a master's degree in
anthropology at Columbia University, Hasten
was influenced by Jennie Livingston's film,
DISNEY
CHANNELS
GOOD
Luck Charlie featured lesbian
moms In a recent story line A
spokesperson for the channel
said the episode was "developed
to be relevant to kids and
families around the world, and
to reflect themes of d1vers1ty
and 1nclus1veness" Conservative
groups such as One Million Moms
are outraged over the 1nclus1on
of LGBT fam1l1esIn children's
programming
Paris /s Burning, and set out to cover the
drag king community. Her resulting exploration, "Gender Pretenders: A Drag King
Ethnography," was awarded the Kenneth
Payne Prize for best student paper by the
Society of Lesbian and Gay Anthropologists.
The paper was the first anthropological study
of its kind, and it has since become the foundation for several college courses. Over the
years, Hasten has seen contemporary queer
culture move forward. "I recognize that there
are still challenges, but I'm thrilled to live in a
time that saw the repeal of anti-sodomy laws,
and the rise of gay marriage," she says.
In addition to teaching at Las Positas
College in the San Francisco Bay Area, Hasten
is now working on a series of anthropology
books for young readers. -Sheryl
16
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Kay
HONG
KONG
REAL
ESTATE
tycoon Cecil Chao, who promised
1 b1ll1onHong Kong dollars to any
man who would marry his out
lesbian daughter, G1g1Chao, has
withdrawn his offer G1g1Chao
published an open letter to her
father asking him to accept her
sexuality, and her long-term
female partner, Sean Eav Cecil
Chao told the press, "If G1g1says
that this Is what she chooses, then
it's all over I can't say I am happy
with her choice"
COURTNEY
LOUISE
JARRELL,
a 23-year-old Utah high school
teacher, has pleaded guilty to
having a sexual relat1onsh1pwith a
17-year-old female student Jarrell
agreed to plead guilty to three
counts of misdemeanor sexual
battery, and lose her teaching
license, rather than risk doing Jail
time Jarrell's attorney claims that
the relat1onsh1pwas consensual,
that because they were so close
In age It was not illegal, and that
SIXSIBLINGS
INENGLAND
have been arrested after
attempting to kidnap Sarah
Hamson, the girlfriend of one
of their sisters, Nazma Ditta
The s1bl1ngs,threatened to kill
the g1rlfr1endbecause she had
"messed with the wrong Muslims"
The s1bl1ngsphysically attacked
Hamson outside of her work and
they have been sentenced to
Jail A restraInIng order Is now
THE LARGESTGIRL PARTYMUSIC FESTIVALIN THE WORLD
Saturday
TEGAN& SARA____
Headline
The Dinah
Shore
Weekend
ISH
ILEY.........
---.............
THE DINAH. 5 DAYS OF PARTIES, CONCERTS, COMEDY AND FILM. BE THERE.
Hilton is sold out, Book on line now. The Saguaro, Courtyard Marriot, The Marquis and The Renaissance.
Tickets on sale right now at the best available price. TheDinah.com
Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend
Q@DinahShore
QrheDinah
(;jDinahShore
POLITICS
»
ADVICE»
COMMUNITY»
POLITICS»
Growing Older, With Grace
Our lives only go in one direction so let's make the most of it.
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
They say 50 is the new 40. It isn't. It's just a different 50. I'm not
50-1 am, as we say, 50ish. Mid~50s. Anything but the actual
number.
I had a birthday at the end of February and I have never been
so aware of aging. Oprah turned 60 a month before my birthday.
Oprah. 60. She did what Oprah does, said it was fabulous and
freeing and wonderful. Just like she did when she turned 50. But
I could suddenly see that age was beginning to set in her face,
around her eyes, in that crease on the right side of her face where
she must sleep every night, because I have a small one myself, on
my left side.
Two weeks before Oprah's birthday, Michelle Obama turned
50. She had her dance party at the White House. She looked fan~
tastic. She held up her AARP card for the cameras. When I look
at Michelle Obama, I think maybe 50 is the new 40.
18
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
In the weeks and months before my birthday I had written
what seemed like a plethora of obituaries of women writers, notable
among them Doris Lessing and Maxine Kumin. They were each
88 at their respective deaths and I thought, as one does, if I live
that long, how many years do I have left?
The fact is, 50 is a demarcation. I saw that vividly between Mrs.
Obama and Oprah. That decade difference is significant. At 50,
you can still claim middle age, even though you've crossed an in~
visible line. Yet 50 still puts you on the downward spiral. More
years have passed than you have left to live. It needn't be fast-it's
not a plummet from 50 to 80. But you know the years you have
left, however many they are, will be fraught at some point by illness,
infirmity and frailty. That itself is daunting.
My partner and I are the same age. We went to high school
together. I am a month older than she. So we are aging together.
VIEWS/POLI
Just as we grew up together. We've known
each other since we were fresh-faced, longhaired, mini-skirted 14-year-olds. We were
lovers in high school, briefly. Then again in
college, briefly. And in this, our final incarnation, we celebrated our 15th anniversary
as the first lady was turning 50.
I remember my partner's young body
as I remember my own. There are photos
all over the house of me at various ages,
from baby to toddler, grade school to high
school, college and beyond. My hair was
white blonde in the early photos, then
a deeper honey blonde. Now it is white
blonde again, the front white, underneath
the color it was when I was younger.
I learned early that the sun and I would
never get along, so my skin is remarkably
unlined, except for that small sleep crease
and a small furrow between my eyebrows.
But despite the good skin I inherited from
my mother, I know I look my age or close
to it, as does my partner. Because 50 really
isn't the new 40, and we are aging.
I'd like to say I'm fine with getting older,
that heading into menopause doesn't make
me feel some sadness, along with the hot
flashes. I'd like to say I didn't wish I looked
closer to 40 than 50. I'd like to read from
Oprah's script. Or the First Lady's.
I'm trying. I hear a clock ticking in the
distance and I feel that I need to meet its
challenge. Stuff my life as full as I can. But
maybe I need to let life stuff me full.
I've got time.
Here's how 50 is the new 40: Women
are living longer. U.S. mortality statistics
now give women a life expectancy of 82
years. In 1930, that number was vastly different: 60. Oprah would already be dead,
because that number was even lower for
black women-49-which
means Michelle
Obama would also have been dead.
So since 1930, all women have gained
another 20 years of life. Twenty years.
Think what 20 years means: If you're 30,
that's your life since 4th grade. If you're 50,
it's all the years since 30. Twenty years is a
lifetime, a generation.
Not all of us will get those extra decades.
Some of us will die of cancer or a sudden
heart attack or a car accident-the
leading causes of death for women under 50.
But the likelihood of us living to 80 looms
larger than the possibility we won't make
it much past 50.
My partner and I sometimes talk about
aging and about how, if we'd ever thought
we'd live past 30, we would have taken
better care of ourselves. We're only half
joking. When I was 20, I thought I would
live forever. "Self-care" wasn't a term in
common parlance, then. When I was 26,
I was diagnosed with cancer and the next
few years were a series of operations and
treatments. When I finally felt better, I
felt I needed to live like every day was my
last day.
That's exhausting.
My father used to tell me, "Do as I say,
not as I do:' So I am telling you the same
thing: Plan for 50 and 50 really will be
the new 40. Plan on a long life, because in
another decade, we'll have tacked another
incremental few years onto the life expectancy. Plan on keeping your body and
mind fit, because you'll need both.
Taking care of your body is simple:
don't smoke and don't drink or eat to excess. Exercise at least three times a week.
Walk, don't sit. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Stay away from too much meat
and too much sugar. Drink lots of water
and not too much alcohol. Forget vitamins
except D. Exfoliate and moisturize, wear
sunscreen and don't get sunburned. Don't
have unprotected sex. Use lube because
unlubricated sex breaks down the walls
of your vagina. If you don't have a partner,
masturbate, because it's one of the best
relaxation tools. Sex keeps us young. Get
enough sleep.
Taking care of your mind is harder.
Read. Learn a second language if you don't
already know one. Do crossword puzzles
or Sudoku, play Scrabble or chess. All
these things use the parts of our brains we
let be lazy. Keeping your mind sharp will
mean your older years could be your best.
Meditate. Do yoga or Tai Chi. These
things will help you to live better and longer,
because mindfulness keeps you strong in
all the ways that matter.
Delete the toxic. If there is anything I
have learned over the years, it's how much
damage toxic people and situations can
do. They damage our immune systems,
predisposing us to illness or autoimmune
problems. They make us angry, hurt, sad,
depressed. No to the toxic.
Be a friend. Be social. Studies show that
women who have 10 close friendships live
longest.
Don't be angry. Cortisol destroys our
bodies and ravages women more than
men. Every time you get angry it courses
through your body. Let it go.
Don't have regrets. When you hit 50,
regret smacks you in the face like a dead
fish. As young as you can ( start right
now!), do the things you want to do.
Don't put your life on hold until some
distant future that may never come or not
afford you the luxury to make big moves
or changes.
Volunteer. Studies also show that helping others releases endorphins-just
like
sex and chocolate and cocaine (no cocaine!)
Plus at some point there will be that obituary and you want it to be full. You want
to leave a legacy.
Love your own body. I've spent years
hating my body-and
at each next stage
of my life I have looked at earlier photos
and wondered what could I possibly have
found fault with? Why couldn't I see my
own loveliness? Own your body, whatever
its size or shape or color. Own it and cherish it and don't tell yourself it's not good
enough. It belongs to you.
I wish someone had given me a road
map when I was 20 about what would be
most essential to make my life rich and full
and long. Some of it I knew instinctively,
like having friends and giving to others. But
when I turned 50, I still had not learned to
love mysel£ That isn't narcissism-it's acceptance. It's being comfortable with who you
are. It's not caring what other people think as
long as you know you are on the right path.
There's no perfect template to follow.
But there is one goal: contentment.
That's what you want. You want to
move into the second half of your life as
close to contented as possible; the first
half is prep for that. You want to share
as much as you can and embrace yourself
and try hard to do everything on your
bucket list.
We have 20 more years than our mothers or grandmothers were given to live.
That's huge. That's awesome. Don't worry that 50 is the new 40 is the new 30.
Just go for that best life: a body you love,
a mind that's sharp, people you love who
love you back. That way when 60 hits, you
can be like Oprah ( albeit without the billions )-ready to relax, breathe deep, have
life flood up around you. Like acceptance.
Like love. Like the life you knew you
always, always wanted to be living.•
Follow Victoria A. Brownworth on Twitter
@VABVOX
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
19
20
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
VIEWS/TWO
OF
HOW
THEY
MET
STEPHANIE: We met seven years ago while
tattooing at an East Village tattoo shop
called New York Adorned. Virginia was
there doing a guest spot.
HOW
THEY
GOT
TOGETHER
STEPHANIE: Shortly after doing the guest
spot, Virginia ca e to work permanently
at NYA and we became close friends. We
bonded over our shared profession and the
challenges and rewards of making a living
as an artist. We are also both giant book
nerds.
ONWORKING
TOGETHER
VIRGINIA: Stephanie left NYA in 2011 and
became co-owner of Saved Tattoo in
Williamsburg. After two years of working
apart, Stephanie invited me to come join
the Saved team. From past experience we
knew we worked well together, but it was
definitely something we spoke of quite
a bit before making the decision to work
side by side again. Overall, it's been an
extremely positive experience for both of
us. I think it's really important to see your
partner shine, and Stephanie absolutely
shines as an artist and a leader at the shop.
STEPHANIE: Aside from being drawn to
tattooing as an art form and a craft to be
mastered, I think we were both attracted to
the idea of permanence and commitment.
Tattooing isn't something you can casually
practice. To excel, you have to make a
commitment to grow as an artist and a
craftsperson. You also have to be willing to
commit to the permanence of giving and
wearing tattoos.
HOW
THEY
RESOLVE
DIFFERENCES
VIRGINIA: We have very different ways of
approaching our art-tattooing
and clients.
Because we both appreciate constructive
criticism and try to keep an open mind, it's
been great to learn from and teach each
other.
STEPHANIE: We are both excellent
communicators, and at the core of our
relationship is a deep respect for each
other.
VIRGINIA: Stephanie just agrees with
everything I say because she knows I'm
always right.
STEPHANIE: Virginia knows I'm usually
right, so she just agrees with everything
I say.•
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
21
My Girlfriend's
Parents Are
Bigots
Can love survive familial hate?
BY LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I have been
dating Tricia, whom I am very much in love
with, for the past five years. She is from a small
border town and her parents are religious.
When she came out to them (a few months
into our relationship) her parents drove two
hours to pick her up, and took her to a priest
the next day. The priest told her in front of
her parents that the life she was living was a
sin. Her parents feel that if the church states
something is wrong, they should never accept
it. Her extended family does not know about
her sexuality. It's as if she is living a double life.
It couldn't be more opposite with my folks,
who love her as their own.
My biggest dilemma is that I want to start a
family, but I'm fearful that this won't happen
until I can have a relationship with her parents.
After all, starting a family could potentially lead
to even more serious drama. It's gotten to the
point where we argue about it a lot, and I am
considering ending our relationship. While I
understand that she is trying her best, I can't
help but wonder if this is fair to me. If I do
leave her because her parents won't accept
me, I'll ultimately seem like the "bad guy" and
Tricia is the one who's trying, but the situation
is out of her hands. I am genuinely at a loss as
to what to do and am in so much conflict with
myself. -Trapped in Tuscaloosa
.....
22
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
¼.
. .
..
. .
.
. . .W////////////////////////////
VIEWS/LIPSTICK+
DIPS
Dipstick: Dear Trapped, I want
at each other and you'd be
Lipstick: Have you heard
ladies, and often husbands
you to go into the bathroom
united-one
that song "I Kissed a Girl"
are surprisingly supportive
right now, close the door, take
strong together. Is she sticking
by Jill Sobule? Download it.
of wives who want to explore
all your clothes off, and look
up for herself and your love,
Something's got to give here.
the female landscape, even
force, standing
in the mirror. Look good and
or cowering in fear of rocking
Does hubby know about that
granting them permission.
hard. Who you see is exactly
the boat? Is she voicing how
swinging pendulum? You don't
A word of warning to you,
the only person you have
important you are, how much
need to be either a cheater-
control or influence over. You
she loves you, and how much
cannot change Tricia's rela-
she believes in who she is, no
tionship with her family. You
matter what anyone says? If
cannot change her father's
not, this is what's turning you
religious beliefs or her mother's
off, this is what's frightening
disapproval. (Neither can she.)
you about the future. It all
You cannot turn her fanatical,
comes down to good honest
cold, judgmental parents into
communication.
your welcoming and loving
unhappy about Tricia's missing
ones. What you can do is ap-
backbone, tell her. If you're
preciate the loving relationship
disgruntled about her living a
that you do have with Tricia.
double life, tell her. Just make
If you're
You can thank God that your
sure she really hears you, so
family loves and supports you
she has the chance to change
and your relationship. You can
what she does have control
choose to believe that her
over. A push from you might
parents are just two people
be all it takes for her to find
trying to do what they think is
her voice. If she remains timid,
best for their daughter-even
if she stays in that stagnant
if in reality it is the opposite.
space, it might be time for you
We don't get to choose the
to leave. If so, take comfort
families we're born into, but we
in knowing that you commu-
do get to choose the families
nicated your needs clearly.
we create. You can choose
There's no shame in that.
however. Because you said you
crave women in an emotional
''
way, be careful. You just might
fall in love. Georgia O'Keefe
MANY
PtOPlt
HAVt
O[SIR[S
OUTSID[
OfTH[IR
RtlATIONSHIP.
Wt'RtHUMAN,
AfT[R
All. BUT,
B[ING
HUMAN,
WtGtTTOMAK[
CHOIC[S.
CHOIC[S
AR[NOT
AlWAYS
tASY,
AND
TH
tY
DO
COM
t WITH
CONS[QU[NCtS.
said, "There is something
unexplored about women that
only a woman can explore ..." To
that, I'll add, "and it will leave
you breathless, questioning
everything in your life."
Dipstick: Lipstick is right.
You've got to let your hubby
know. Keeping this locked
inside is what's killing you.
Once you let the kitty cat out
of the bag, you'll probably
feel a great deal of relief. From
that point on, you and your
husband get to negotiate the
course of action you're going
to take. You and he can bring
a lady into the bedroom with
you. You can step out and
explore on your own. You can
dress him up in a string bikini
to love Tricia as she is, or you
can choose to let her go, but
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
it's just not fair to hold her
I married a man seven years
responsible or blame her for
ago. I love him and he is a
something she cannot change.
wonderful partner. I have
OK, speech over. You can put
always been attracted to both
your clothes back on now.
men and women, and have
had some experiences with
Lipstick: Great words, Dip.
women, but my long-term
and use your imagination. How
you deal with your attraction is
up to you. Many people have
desires outside of their relationship. We're human, after all.
But, being human, we get to
''
make choices. Choices are not
always easy, and they do come
Now then, Trapped, beyond
relationships have always
accepting what you do and
been with men. As I've gotten
cheater coochie-eater or single
fully embrace the part of you
don't have control over-
older, I've come to realize
to get what you want. If you
that is attracted to women-no
one will deny you that-but
with consequences. You can
which is a critical awareness
that I can no longer deny the
haven't already, tell your man
in all aspects of life-how
part of me that's attracted to
about your fantasies. Two
if you choose to act on those
and yearns for women, both
things can happen: He'll be
attractions, your world will
situation? Is she really trying
in a sexual and an emotional
totally turned on, or he'll feel
change. Be prepared.•
her best? Is it really out of her
way. I do not want to leave my
threatened. Actually, there's
do
you feel Tricia's handling the
hands? I ask because I think if
husband. I also do not want
another thing: He'll want to
Do you have a burning
she really were pushing back,
to cheat on him. I don't know
have a threesome. Maybe you'll
question for Lipstick
you wouldn't be contemplating
what to do. -Between a Rock
see a little bit of everything. We
& Dipstick? Write to
ending it. You'd be less irritated
and a Hard Place
hear from lots of you married
ask@Ii pstickd i pstick.com
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
23
Since then, I've helped friends set up
fitness plans, I've taken a few paying di~
ents, and I've even inspired some of my
family members to take their fitness seri~
ously. When I heard that Curve was doing
a Body issue, my attention turned to my
extended family in "the community:' I pon~
dered the reasons why lesbians seem to
have this recurring issue with fitness. I was
staggered to find that we are far worse off
than the population at large. So now I'm
happy to offer you the tools and insight
I've gained over the past year.
There are three crucial elements that
determine our health and fitness levels~
They are: diet, exercise, and-a
much
stickier subject-psychology.
We are shaped by our thoughts.
We become what we think.
-Buddha
Think Fit
Whatever your body type, attitude is key to a healthier you.
BY ANNE NECZYPOR
Z
ero birthdays can be a little in~
timidating. Like any milestone,
they cause us to look around at
our lives, and decide if we are
where we want to be. In preparation for
one of mine, I found myself dissatisfied
with my level of fitness. I hadn't hit the
gym since high school. So I did something
about it.
I began a yearlong quest for optimum
fitness. In the beginning, I tried meet~
ing with personal trainers. The first was
a woman who had a similar story, only
now she was pure muscle. Much like my
first lesbian "trainer;' she inflicted a lot of
her own hang~ups on me. Next, I tried
a brawny gay guy. He made me feel bad
about mysel£ told me everything I was do~
ing wrong in our first hour together, and
swore he was going to set me straight ...
irony intended. Finally, I took matters into
my own hands. I became a student of the
subject. I connected with other people
24
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
who had gone through a transformation.
I hit the books and read all I could about
nutrition and exercise. I started making
changes in the way I spoke about mysel£
conducted mysel£ and, ultimately, treated
mysel£ In the end, I decided to get certi~
fied as a personal trainer myself.
Are you seriously going to argue with
the Buddha? I thought not. So let's tackle
this first: Do you think of yourself as a
healthy person? A fit person? Maybe you
don't think about your level of fitness at
all. You should. We all should. You only
get one shell to house this spirit, this
mind, this heart. If you knew you would
have only one car in your whole entire life,
would you pour sugar in the gas tank?
Would you drive it recklessly? Let it over~
heat? I didn't think so. Lesbians are gen~
erally better to their cars than they are to
their bodies. Talk to a lesbian about her set
of wheels and you'll see her face light upshe'll speak lovingly about it, whether it's
a 1985 Jeep Wagoneer or a brand~new
Mercedes SL550. But ask a lesbian about
her legs and she might not even answer
you. She might become self-conscious, or
apologetic. That's nuts. Negative self~talk
is a much harder habit to break than an
addiction to potato chips, and far more
detrimental to a healthy lifestyle. Cut it
out. Just because there's a voice inside your
head, it isn't necessarily your voice, your
true voice. If the voice inside your head is
telling you that you can't or won't ever be
fit, it's not your true voice-it's a demon at
the controls, with its hands on the wheel
of the motor vehicle called your brain.
The demon has your true voice tied up
and gagged, but she's sitting right behind
it. She wants to get behind the wheel and
drive (lesbians always want to drive). Free~
ing her up and silencing the demon is your
key to success. •
VIEWS/
ADVICE
BEAT THE DErllON AND FIND \jOUR UOICE
One: When you hear the voice in your
head say anything negative, self-defeating, or that makes you feel bad,
simply pause and say: "I know what
you're doing. It's not going to work. I
love myself and I accept myself completely." Then slide the demon's message through a mental shredder and
chuck it in the recycling.
Two: Don't feed the demon. The demon thrives on bad-energy people,
on sugar, hangovers, and exhaustion.
Anything that makes you feel like garbage is fuel for the demon. Avoid this.
Three: Forgive. Sit down and make a
list of every person, situation, or external source of pain that has affected
your self-image and fitness. Anything
you can actually remember as painful
is probably still nagging you. Meditate
rllAl-<E E~ERCISE
-Bill Phillips,Body for Life
We're not talking about clinical depression, but beating the demon in your
head. There are countless schools of
thought on exercise: interval training
is the best way to tackle cardio; heavy
lifting is a great way to feel like a badass, burn calories, and build muscle;
lots of reps with light weights can tone
you up properly-the list goes on. The
fact that you are getting exercise is
much more important than exactly
which exercises you're doing. Get out
there and move. Take a dance class,
walk to work, chase your nieces and
nephews around. Get sweaty. Pant a
little. It's all good. Do it every day. Do it
for at least 20 minutes a day. You'll notice a difference. Unless you're angling
to become a competitive athlete, don't
worry about what you're doing, or how
well you're doing it. Your short-term
goals will add up and you'll be strong,
fast, and flexible before you know it.
A PART OF \jOUR LIFE
One: Find something you like. As long
as it gets your heart rate up to about
75 percent of your max and you can
keep it up for 20 minutes, it's cool. The
most important thing is that you do it.
Two: Switch it up. Doing different
kinds of exercises will strengthen different parts of your body. Since we're
advocating a holistic view of fitness,
remember that repetitive actions can
lead to injury. Nobody wants that.
Three: Use SMART goals to set yourself up for success. SMART goals are
Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. A great example of a SMART goal is: "I'd like to
run a 5K, without stopping to walk, six
months from today." This is a specific,
THREE
on each one and dig deep-it's time to
forgive these people and yourself for
what happened. Send good vibes or
love to your 13-year-old self, to the jerk
who dumped you when you put on 20
pounds, to your mother-who meant
well but made you feel horrible. Forgive them and release them. No need
to actually contact them, this is for
you. Do this as often as you need to
until the memories have no sting left
in them. This will be hard, but it's entirely
worthwhile.
measurable, and achievable goal for
just about anyone, no matter what
your fitness level. A not-so-smart goal
is: "I'd like to be seeing someone who
thinks I'm hotter than she is." This is
pretty general and cannot be measured, let alone achieved.
-Joan Rivers
I once met with a client who sheepishly confessed that her biggest problem
was that she "loves food." This is not a
problem. This is a survival instinct. Of
course she loves food. So do I. Show
me someone who hates food and I'll
show you a sick individual. Life is long
(hopefully) and there is plenty of time
to eat all the things you want to eat.
Lots of lesbians pride themselves on
being "foodies." I am one of them.
But dining indulgently isn't a contest.
You don't need to eat all the fabulous
meals in the world inside of a year. If
80 percent of the time you're having
Greek yogurt for breakfast, a grilled
chicken salad for lunch, a green juice
drink in the afternoon, and a piece
of roasted salmon with veggies for
dinner-and 20 percent of the time
you're going out for a killer dinneryou're doing great. Don't throw up
your hands after you've had just one indulgent morning macchiato. Just press
your reset button and get back into
your rhythm. You've got this.
TIPS FOR EATING RIGHT
One: Take your weight-the numberand add a zero. That's a rough way to
estimate how many calories it takes
to keep you going for a day. Subtract
500 from that number and you're
in a good zone to start dropping the
pounds (if that's your goal). Track your
weight loss with a free app like Loselt.
This will help you be aware of what
you're spending, calorie-wise, and
help inform your decisions to reach for
healthier snacks.
Two: Eat raw vegetables. I cannot
evangelize the value of raw vegetables
enough. If you're not used to a diet
heavy in raw veggies, start off slow,
but over time you can reconstruct your
diet to include a lot of them. They will
heal you from the inside.
Three: Pay attention to the way different food makes you feel. 15 minutes
after you eat something, write down
how you feel: Satiated? Still hungry?
Nauseous? Energized? It will blow your
mind when you realize what your food
is doing to and for you. It will make you
aware of what you're consuming and
how you can strategize your fuel consumption throughout the day. All in
all, fixing up your body is easier (and
cheaper) than fixing up your car. Tackling body issues can be work, emotionally and physically, but it's worth
every moment you put into it. Once
you've freed up the energy that used
to be wasted on feeling tired, stuffed,
and bad about yourself, the sky is the
limit in terms of what you can tackle
next. (neczyporconsulting.com) •
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
25
at can't comic Murray Hill .do?
The self-professed "hardest
working middle aged man 1n
how business," Murray has
toured the world over, worked with a glut of stars
from every avenue in the "biz," cracked hundreds
of JOkesand amassed a collection of over 7,000
polyester ties. From humble beginnings in NYC.,
he's gone on to host shows for burlesque superstar
Dita Von Teese,fashion designer Marc Jacobs,
the celebrated Mr. Transman pageant and Bust
magazine-even hosting his very own Showbiz on
MTV (Other) Hill took time out of a busy schedule to
discuss glitter, cheeseburgers, women, his upcoming
involvement in the trans and queer communities, and the
next milestone in his career his first time headlining at the
Gramercy Theater in NYC.
Do you have any pre-show rituals?
I definitely have a few things. I always-when I do the big
shows with Oita-I always hang out in the wings. I set up my
dressing room and my music stand with all my material, all that
stuff, I set up a corner. There's a picture of it where it's duct~
taped like, "Murray Hill's Corner:' I never put on my bowtie or
my jacket until there's a 20~minute callback. That's when the
bowtie goes on. And when I get my 5~minutes, the jacket goes
on. That is a total ritual.
Best thing about working with Dita?
There's a lot. I think the best thing for me personally is I get to
be in front of a new audience every time we go out. And we've
traveled all over the country. They don't usually know what
to expect for her show, and then when I come out they're like,
What the fuck:' The other thing [is] that Oita and I, we're so
synced up on showbiz. She is old school, striptease, showbiz. I'm
the same way. And she's a total pro. We both take care ofbusi~
ness, if you know what I'm saying. Of course, the other thing is I
get to be in an act with women [and] they're half~clothed.
Lots of tassels.
That's for the lesbian readers! [Laughs]
What's the most important difference between what you
do and what a typical comedy club would do?
When you go to my shows, the second you walk through that
door you feel like you've entered this showbiz palace, and what
goes with that is acceptance for all types of different people that
come to my shows-gay people, trans people, straight people,
all kinds of ethnic and economic backgrounds. Everybody
comes to my shows, when they walk through the door they feel
comfortable, and that's a huge thing for me. So that's the biggest
difference. It's like walking into a dank, skanky basement with
one microphone that smells like vomit, or you're walking into a
room where the band's always playing, the lights are low, and the
energy's always positive. So that's the biggest difference. I work
real hard on that. It's important.
I think that in my shows, my first priority, always-even
when I'm with Dita-is the audience. When you go to a comedy
club the first priority for comedians is to do their material and
get a laugh. That's my second priority. So, just even that shift of
priorities makes a huge difference on the audience's experience.
Are there any people in the biz that you're itching to
collaborate with?
This show I'm doing in March I'll be on stage with Peaches for
the first time. Everybody in the show, that's a group of people I
wanted to bring together. So I've got Bridget Everett, Ad~Rock
from The Beastie Boys, Peaches, and then my friend Cham~
pagne Jerry. So we're all colleagues and buddies and now we're
going to be in this one show together. My ideal person I would
love to be on stage with is Don Rickles, of course. Don Rickles,
Liza Minnelli-l'm
holding out.
If you had to pick one member of the Rat Pack to
collaborate with, do you think that you could choose just
one person?
It's a toss~up between Sammy and Dean. Both of those guys
I really have studied their lounge~act, their recording, every~
thing-but
Dean Martin ... when you look through his old
[records] with him in the lounges, it looks like he's just talking
and making fun of the audience, making fun of the band. It's so
casual. But when you buy six records of different tapes, it's all
the same material. So that kind of casual delivery where it's like
you're sitting in the audience with a friend who's just talking,
that's something I'm really inspired by and I do that myself. So
maybe I'll have to go with Mr. Dean Martin-otherwise
known
as Dino.
How was hosting the Mr. Trans pageant in San Francisco?
We didn't know how it was going to turn out, and it ended
up being totally sold out and we had to turn people away.
It was really a celebration of this part of queer culture that
doesn't get a lot of visibility. I mean, within the community it
does, but the whole queer society is still run by gay men, drag
queens-that's
where all the visibility is. All the people slowly
chip away, but that's really the dominant thing. So the reason
why I do these pageants is to give a platform for underrepre~
sented [identities] in our scene to literally have a chance to get
on stage and go balls~to~the~wall. Just be whoever they want.
The pageant's just like a framework for the show, it's not like
they're really being judged.
In San Francisco, these transguys blew me away. When I
was their age there was none of it, no language, no books, no
Internet [Laughs], so to see three generations later transmen
with their shirts off, performing and just being who they are
and happy about it and owning that-there
was no shame at
Transmen-for
someone my age, it just choked me up. I don't
know if this generation now sees progress, but to me I'm like,
Wow. It's unbelievable.
How much does glitter play into your performances?
Glitter for me is like kryptonite, so the girls will come at me
with their glitter and it gets stuck in my suit for forever. So
glitter is danger for me. Kryptonite. I don't want that on my suit.
Aha, so it's your one weakness.
Yes [Laughs]. Women and glitter.
What's the best advice that you've gotten from anybody in
the biz?
I think the biggest advice I got from somebody early on is: never
break your character, no matter what happens. When you work
in the nightclubs there's always something going on-the ceiling
breaks when you're on stage, or somebody throws up-there's
always some insane thing that happens. So ... always be in that
persona when these things happen, and to deal with it as Murray.
What I tell people is two things: Every beat counts. And then
my other big one is if you don't see yourself represented, then go
out there and represent yourself. (mistershowbiz.com) •
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
27
Oh,Baby!
Behind the scenes of Sex After Kids.
BY DAR DOWLING
0
n TV and in the movies, lesbian is definitely the
hot trend. It seems as though everywhere you look
these days you can find an acclaimed actor-Jaime
Murray, Mia Kirshner, now Laura Prepon-playing
a strong, sexy lesbian or bisexual character. While I love them all,
my new favorites are Mary Krohnert and Kate Hewlett, two of
the stars of Sex After Kids. This hilarious and drama~packed
28
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
indie film, written by Jeremy Lalonde, is making a much~deserved
splash on the film festival circuit. So much so that a distributor,
who loved it, asked Lalonde to cut out the lesbian storyline, so
they could show it in Russia -no doubt partially due to a really
sensual kissing scene. Of course he said no.
Sex After Kids follows six couples, each in their own personal
love~ and sex~deprived hell after having kids. They include a pair
of older empty-nesters looking to reignite
their sex life and wrestling with a new
reality, which may just include butt plugs,
vibrators, anal sex and porn; as well as a
gorgeous actor turned new mommy who's
wrestling with a uninterested husband and
a hormone issue, resulting in a sex scene
you just have to see for yourself; and Lou,
a single mom played by Lost Girl's Zoie
Palmer, who is looking for sex in all the
wrong places-and
yes, she's hilarious,
while adding fuel to the Sex After Kids fire.
Yet with all that going on I fell just a
little bit in love with Mary Krohnert and
Kate Hewlett, who play the lesbian couple and perfectly capture the fierceness of
lesbian relationships, as well as the complexities that go along with adding kids, or
the desire to have kids, into the mix. Larissa,
played by Krohnert, is oh-so-sexy, in a
pinched and rather uptight way, and struggling with the couple's different parenting
styles, and her own infertility. So, as you
may well imagine, she's not really ever in
the mood for sex. Hewlett's more relaxed
and easygoing Jody is desperately trying
to make things right, and at the same
time pretend nothing is wrong-and,
well, actually have sex. "Yet, it's not really
about sex, it's about communication;' says
Krohnert, and she's right. Jody and Larissa
take you on a hell of a ride.
Mary Krohnert delivers a charged, emo-
tionally provocative performance, yet when
she isn't on screen she's busy using her
creative skills at the community level,
working as an art therapist and gearing
up to launch a community art studio.
Why? For her, it all derives from the same
creative spark. "It's the human story that
fascinates me the most;' she says, whether
she's making a film, helping clients heal
and grow, or bringing art into the community. Krohnert seems to be following in
Jaime Murray's great-at-playing-gay footsteps, having scored some very intriguing
lesbian roles-in
Congratulations Daisy
Graham, a heart-wrenching and at times
smoldering indie short that you should
definitely check out, and on Singles
Court, a Canadian TV series. On Singles
Court, she played a newly out lesbian, and
was so good at it that after the show aired
friends and neighbors called her mother to
ask if Mary was coming out. She wasn't,
although I wish she were. However, Krohnert is not shy when the topic of kissing
girls comes up. "Kate is a great kisser;' she
reveals.
On the other side of that kiss is Kate
Hewlett, who sci-fi fans may recognize
from her role as Jeannie Miller on Stargate Atlantis. Yet, Sex After Kids actually
offered Hewlett a dramatic opportunityher first-ever onscreen kiss-so there was
lots of practicing to get it just right, and
they really did. Hewlett loved playing
Jody, delving in deep and bringing intensity
and realism to the role, making you feel
like Jody would actually be great to hang
out with-and
not just because she's ohso-sexy. Besides being an exceptional actor,
Hewlett is also a gifted playwright and
screenwriter, and has been in the writing
rooms of some of my favorite shows, including The L.A. Complex and Seed (which is
coming to the CW network).
Hewlett also wrote and starred in She
Said Lenny, an indie short in which she
plays-you
guessed it-a
lesbian who
ends up on a first date with a straight
woman who thinks she's meeting a man.
So while Hewlett is straight, like Krohnert, she does an amazing job of playing
gay. And apparently has had a crush on a
girl or two in the past, including Palmerbut who hasn't?
While Sex After Kids won't be showing
in Russia, unless the walls of homophobia
come crashing down, it's out now on DVD
and video on demand in the U.S. •
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
29
ow do you find love in a
world of instant gratifi~
cation? We are living in
a time in which labels of
sexuality are increasingly anachronistic.
We are living in a society in which we
have greater individual power over our
destiny-success,
education, prosperity,
sexual and creative expression. But what
happens when our expectations aren't met?
Submerge isn't your average lesbian film. It
tears the fragile fabric that binds us into
social constructs of sex and gender in a
rapidly accelerated world.
Submerge is the story of Jordan, a college
student and aspiring Olympic swimmer
who struggles to meet the expectations of
H
30
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
others and, controlled by her mother, finds
herself swimming endlessly in a suffocat~
ing womb of despair. When Jordan's quest
for freedom becomes entangled with the
rising yearnings of her history tutor, Angie,
Jordan jumps into the deep end, striving
for wisdom but hindered by her own
immaturity.
Film producer Kat Holmes and director
Sophie O'Connor (pictured left) co~wrote
Submerge with a powerful message in mind
about defining gender roles and sexuality.
"It is as much a challenge to fundamen~
talist gays and lesbians as it is to straight
people;' says Holmes of the film's portrayal
of sexual fluidity. "In placing this story
within the context of the current gener~
ation of young people we are adopting
and celebrating their refusal to conform
to the labels defined by their predeces~
sors. Identity is not something that can be
imposed-it
comes from within, and our
characters represent this truth:' Submerge,
says Holmes, "proudly allies itself with the
notion of inclusive community and our
characters represent the diverse spectrum
of human sexuality:'
The film is as much about the complex~
ity of human desire as it is about lesbian
love. Of her conflicted protagonist Jor~
dan, Holmes says, "I wanted to present a
three~dimensional lesbian character ... [The
director] Sophie O'Connor was inspired to
take Jordan and put her within the context
of the current'instant gratification' genera~
tion and she was also inspired to use water
to represent fluidity, shades of light and
dark, and transience:'
With its avant~garde approach to les~
bian cinema, the film offers trailblazing
themes and challenges to rigid ideals,
which are slowly becoming obsolete as
LGBT rights become human rights.
Submerge is only the second Australian
lesbian movie to proceed to commercial
release, and Holmes is proud of breaking
this cinematic drought. "Submerge has
managed to break its way through to the
screen primarily because of determina~
tion and persistence in the face of nearly
insurmountable challenges. There was no
magic bullet. We just didn't give up:'
(submergethemovie.com) •
BUY OR RENT NOW!
HGorgeous...
Crab your girlfriend.:'!t~"
NICOLA CORREIA DA,\.\UDE
CHRISllNE HORNE
MARGARITA
afilm l1yDominique Cardona
a11dLaurieColbert
WildlypopularFrenchlesbiandramaaboutprecocious
teenAdelewho falls headoverheelsin lovewith
blue-hairedart studentEmma.Thispassionatelesbian
romance(andthe film's legendaryexplicitsix-minutesex
scene)is an absolutemust-seemovie!
A suburbanlesbianhavinga midlifecrisis finds herself
driftingawayfrom her super-tensewife, flirting with a
femalefriendandturningtricks while redecoratinga
downtownapartment.
ThissumptuousEnglish-language
'50s periodpiece
tells the passionatelovestory of PulitzerPrize-winning
poetElizabethBishopand BrazilianarchitectLotade
MacedoSoares.
Thishilariousfoul-mouthed,lesbianroadmovieco-stars
Oscar®-winningactressesBrendaFrickerandOlympia
Oukakisas DotandStella,a crackerjacklesbiancouple
on the run from a nursinghome.
Thiswonderfullesbiandramatells the tale of an
undocumented
Mexicannanny,Margarita,whose
girlfriendJaneis reluctantto commitandwhose
yuppieemployersare aboutto let her go.
Thisexquisitelycraftedcomingof agetale followsa
pair of Latinateenswho fall graduallyin love
againstthe backdropof SoutheastLosAngeles.
~ WolfeVideo.com vouR LEse1AN-owNEDsouRcE FORLGBTMov1Es1
0
ver the years, I've had the
privilege of interviewing Amy
Ray half a dozen times. Each
time we speak, I'm impressed
by her unique blend of man~ofthe~people
sincerity and rock~star charisma. Ray, who
is best known as half of the folk~rock duo
the Indigo Girls, possesses not just the raw
talent but the intellectual curiosity and the
determination necessary to fuel a decades~
long career. Though her work with the
Indigo Girls brims with guts and verve,
over the years she's reserved her brasher
songs for her solo records. Influenced by
the likes of Patti Smith and the Sex Pis~
tols, Ray brings an unrestrained passion
32
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
to her onstage performance. Her fifth
solo album still boasts that characteristic
rebellious grit, but this time she's chosen
to express herself through country music
rather than punk rock. A departure? Not
according to Ray.
"Country has always resonated with me;'
she says. "I feel a kinship with the storytell~
ing of the South-that
relationship with
the land and that populist notion of three
chords and the truth. There's so much going
on in a good country song, but in a simple
way, like there is in a William Blake poem
or a Hemingway novel-not a lot of words,
but each is chosen so carefully:'
Recording Goodnight Tender, Ray too
was careful. "I insisted on certain parame~
ters;' she says, "like, we recorded to tape and
we used vintage microphones, older ways of
doing things. Didn't do a lot of tricky over~
dubs. Did everything live.
--::: - -~
~
REVIEWS/
Those parameters weren't oppressive. They
kept me in a certain place. I didn't want to
go down the path of overediting and taking
all the life our:'
The result is an album Ray finds both
"rootsy" and "polished:' When asked to
highlight a favorite song, Ray says though
she's "really close to the song 'Time Zone;
it probably doesn't stand out for other
people. I feel like often, when you make a
record, the song you love the most is the
song no one else likes. Your favorite song is
probably the one you're overindulgent on:'
Not that Ray cuts herself slack. ''As a
songwriter, my Achilles' heel has been just
getting lost in my own story too much;' says
Ray. "There've been times I was too cryptic
and too internalized. It wasn't accessible. In
the last 10 years, I've had the goal of try~
ing to reach beyond that. You want songs
to be able to travel, and have people inter~
pret them their own way and sing them for
themselves and share them. It's not your
story anymore, it's everybody's story. And
that's the whole point:'
Ray tries to find a balance between
pushing herself and acknowledging "that
Zen idea of something having a time and
a place. In the old days, I would have forced
a song 'cause I had a record coming up and
I liked one piece of the song so much that
I couldn't stand to wait. But then I'll listen
back to the record and I'll be like, God,
that song could have been so much better.
I could have really made something out of
it, but I rushed it. Now I don't do that any~
more. That's maturity, I think:'
For Ray, cultivating a balance is a theme
of sorts, in work and in life. Just as Ray's
solo projects often explore female mascu~
linity, her day~to~day existence requires
her to find harmony within the tension be~
tween her masculine and feminine aspects.
"I still struggle with it a lor;' she says, "[but]
I've learned to work with my body and have
a translation going all the time of who I
am-my physical appearance and my spir~
it and everything all working together. It's
worth it to me because the female part is so
important, too:' You won't find Ray delving
into gender on GoodnightTender,though.
"I still think about it;' she says. 'Tm obvi~
ously still singing from my own perspective,
which is often masculine-it's central to my
core-but I want this record to have that
as a layer, and you only know it 'cause you
know me. And if you don't know me, you
probably feel it anyway:' (amy~ray.com) •
MUSIC
HOT
LICKS
))BYMERRYN
JOHNS
& RACHEL
SHATTO
Angelique
Kidjo
Eve
(Savoy/429
Recoros)
The Grammy Award-winning world music maven has released a
heart-stoppingly good new album. From the toe-tapping opening
track "M'Baamba" with its Kenyan voices and rhythms to the
danceworthy "Shango Wa" to the soothing serenade of closing
track "Coari," this is strong-woman music that will send your spirit
soaring. Produced by Patrick Dillett (David Byrne, Fatboy Slim),
this album, named after Kidjo's mother, bursts with pride in African
women. The album's prolific percussive sounds and guest musicians
including Vampire Weekend, The Kronos Quartet, the Orchestra
Philharmonique du Luxumbourg, and women's choirs from African
villages create a joyful fusion that engenders hope in global unity in
spite of the homophobia in some African nations.
Berlin
Animal
(Sometning-Music)
After an eight year hiatus Berlin is back, and it's clear with their latest
offering that the band has set its sights firmly on the dance floor. The
titular album opener, "Animal," is a catchy, high-energy track that will
surely be on heavy rotation in the clubs this summer. "Nice To Meet
You" blends New Wave with dance and just a hint of dub-step. For fans
of Nunn's ballads both "It's The Way" and "Mom," with their aching and
soaring vocals, are sure to satisfy. However, for all the sweetness and
melancholy that those two tracks provide, this is first and foremost
a dance album-and it's not afraid to get a little naughty. While Berlin
frontwoman Terri Nunn has never been a shrinking violet, here the
hetero-flexible songstress is going full sex bomb. Desire, illicit hookups and plenty of skin are present on nearly every track-and we like
it that way.
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
33
!P~~!;~
for buried treasure.
Pleasure
<Map
A WOMAN'S
Q&AGUIDE
TOHOTTER,
NAUGHTIER,
MORE
s!~a~t~f!!d~
BY WILLIAM
NORTHUP
It's hard to believe that in this age of
media saturation, queer women are still
struggling to find information about
their bodies and sexual needs. Shanna
Katz, a sexologist, has written Your
Pleasure Map: A Woman's Q&A Guide
to Hotter, Naughtier, More Adventurous
Sex, which hopes to address the needs
of women of as many different "relationship statuses, orientations, ages,
economic statuses, ability levels, ethnic
backgrounds, races" as possible.
One of the themes of this book is that there's no Holy Grail of
sex. Is that true for queer women?
I run into this idea a lot. It seems as if everyone has this one
thing that if they can just figure out how to do it/like it/ enjoy it/
convince their partner to do it, they will have the best sex ever.
And that is simply not true. Lots of queer women tell me that
they don't enjoy strapping it on, or receiving their partner's strap
on, and how can they convince themselves to like it more. Ditto
34
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
goes for "scissoring:' There is
no one type of sex for queer
women to have that every single person will love; rather, if
you work on figuring out what
you like, and communicate
with your partner about what
they like, and start building a
sexual dance card from there,
you are much more likely to
find the "holy grail" of your sex
life, rather than this magical
and usually unobtainable position that will make everyone
orgasm a million times simultaneously with their partner.
Why was it important to you
to include trans women in
your book?
I wanted an inclusive book, as
many women's sex books are
written exclusively for straight
cisgender women. However,
many queer spaces are still not
welcoming or even safe for
transgender women, especially
around sexuality. Yet cisgender women and transgender
women both experience a
world full of sexism, misogyny
and patriarchal culture ...with
the transgender women also
getting the bonus struggles
of dealing with transphobia
and ciscentrism. Who am I to
police who gets to have access
to information about women's
sexuality? That belongs to all
women, cis and trans alike.
Many women turn to books
like Fifty Shades of Grey for
sex advice. Is that a good
resource?
It is a good gateway book,
for the person who has never
before considered that they
might be kinky, and reading
this book made them hot
and bothered and hungry
for more, so they are getting
more accurate and realistic
information from books like
Playing Well with Others,
and by attending community
events. The book is written at
an 8th or 9th grade reading
level, which means it is accessible across different class and
education levels. All this being
said, the book is not an accurate representation of healthy,
consensual, risk-aware kink
and if someone like Christian
Grey came into almost any
local kink community preying
on newbie women, asking
them to sign a contract without ever having engaged in any
kink relationships, I would
hope that the community
would call him out and run
him out of town. It's Twilight
fan fiction, and given the unhealthy, emotionally abusive/
controlling relationships
starring in that series, I don't
think it is surprising that 50
Shades is the same.
Is there a queer-friendly
alternative to Fifty Shades
of Grey?
Not quite at that level of
popularity. However, lesbian
writer Laura Antoniou's Marketplace series is hands down
one of the most inclusive, well
written set of kinky fantasy
books out there. It includes
straight folks, queer folks,
accurate portrayals of many
kink practices, and a clear cut
creation of a fantasy world in
which kink can happen in a
different way, rather than trying to portray reality without
important bits like consent.
How would you recommend
women learn more about
their bodies and sexuality
in a culture that's so careful
with that information?
Reading in general, not just
my book, but books, websites,
and even listening to podcasts;
the last ten years or so have
blown up as far as the production of accessible information
around sexuality. I'd also suggest exploring your own body.
What feels good on your skin?
What outfits make you feel
hot and sexy? Are there scents
that really turn you on? The
more you know your body and
what gets your motor going,
the better you can understand
your own sexuality.
(shannakatz.com) •
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
BOOK REVIEWS
The settings and some of the
characters may seem like cli-
~·
PAGE
ches (steam rooms, Catholic
..... TURNERS
schoolgirls) but Best Lesbian
Etched On Me
elements. There is a balance
Erotica 2014 breathes new
life into these familiar erotica
By Jenn Crowell
of short and sexy romps
After running away from
and more character driven
home, Lesley Holloway
tales-and
begins to forge a new path
comedic gem that shouldn't
it closes with a
for herself with help from
be skipped. Amongst the
social worker Francesca,
fantasy it does also delve
schoolteacher Gloria and
into the darker territory of
roommate Clare. We follow
real life, drawing on lived
Lesley through thick and
experiences, both political
thin as she contends with
and personal.
the aftermath of trauma
-William Northup
from her childhood. When
Best lesbian Romance
2014
wounds from both past and
present threaten a future
with the one thing she holds
"A raw, unflinching lookat mental illness, and a sobering
yet empowering.reminder: in order to create a meaningful life, · •
precious in life, Lesley fights
sometimes it will take all the fight you have." .
Edited by Radclyffe
Unlike this
-BooKLIST
tooth and nail to prove her
year's col-
worth and gain the trust
lection of
she needs. Honest, frail and
erotica from
strong all at once-Lesley
is
Cleis Press,
set to become your favorite
steel-boot-sporting,
Best Lesbian
Kate
Romance
Bush-loving, self professed
2014 errs
"queer" single mother of all
medicate with habits
of breathing exercises and
time. Her story will resonate
that evolve into addic-
guided meditations that help
majority of its stories focus
with anyone who under-
tions. Co-authors Valerie
ground you and accept what
on couples building up to a
stands what it's like to do
Mason-John and Dr. Param-
many consider to be the
marriage proposal or dec-
battle with your mind while
abandhu Groves define
underlying message of the
laration of love. By the time
simply trying to remember
addiction as "any mental
Buddha's teachings: "every-
you're a few stories in, there's
to take a breath and just
or bodily habit that has a
thing changes."
an identifiable rhythm. How-
be here.
compulsive quality to it and
-Cygnus Fogle
ever, there are a handful of
-Cygnus Fogle
causes us to suffer." Along
with the authors' personal
Eight Step Recovery:
Using the Buddha's
Teachings to Overcome
Addiction
accounts (Mason-John has
By Valerie Mason-John
and Dr. Paramabandhu
Groves
is peppered with honest
Eight
Step
Recovery
personal experience with
standout stories. "Palabras"
Best lesbian Erotica
2014
. -..
bulimia nervosa and cocaine addiction) the book
recollections from dozens of
individuals with addictions
In a world
ranging from shopping to
hell-bent on
drinking to anger. Don't
mindless
let the spiritual jargon or
consumption,
intensity scare you off. The
people self-
book is packed with a variety
on the predictable side. A
, I"\
'
:.."'\
~~
BEST
LESBIAN
EROTICA
.
is a piercing look at a relationship from the eyes of a
.
woman who was told that
her intelligence would be
This year's
threatening to her partners.
collection
"Sepia Showers" focuses
of lesbian
on a lesbian who discovers
erotica
her mother's secret lesbian
fromLGBT-
history. If you appreciate a
owned
meet-cute followed by an
and -oper-
eventual happy ending, this
ated Cleis
Press is an arousing delight.
book has them in spades.
-William Northup
Using1hc:Suddha'11cachi"IP
toOVERCOMEAODICTION
f-omo.,:,rdbyGobotMar.!,M.D.,_._,,t
,...,_,.,,..,~.a..•.-
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
35
Who better to represent this
bold, androgynous brand
than adventurous actor
Traci Dinwiddie. "I am a true
tomboy. I'm spontaneous,
athletic, and enjoy getting
dirty," says Dinwiddie, who is
also a yogini, African drummer
and cyclist. She's the kind of
woman who wants to look
sexy in her play clothes, and
TomboyX doesn't make her
choose between fashion and
adventure-she can have
both with this line by strong
women, for strong women.
40
CURVE
MARCH
2014
FEATURES/
ST
ion is political.
the eco-fashion
ment, to the use
ir trade fabrics, to
the slogans on tees,
what we put on our
bodies expresses who
we are, what we feel
about the worldand more importantly,
how we feel about
ourselves.
So, what does it mean for those whose fashion choices are limited by
the size or shape their body? Add to that being queer or genderqueer,
and the opportunity to express oneself through fashion becomes challenging at best. Well, Bertha Pearl, creator of Size Queen clothing and
Teukie, creator of Rowdy Baubles jewelry, are calling bullshit on the
status quo with radical clothing and jewelry that is bright, glamorous
and oh-so-queer.
Size Queen began as an offshoot of Pearl's butch underwear company
Big Daddy Boxers. "It started around 2007 ;' Pearl recalls. "I had a small
booth at the Fat Girl Flea with some fun skirts and dresses:' Thanks to
Pearl's passion for bright, eye-catching fabrics, Size Queen immediately
caught on with bold fatshionistas. "It's my intention to have loud fabrics,
it's part of my fat activism;' explains Pearl. "You can't ignore the fabulous
fat person when they're wearing sparkly, bright colors. And I want people
to feel fantastic in my clothing. I try to make statement clothes, not
trendy clothes:'
42
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2014
CURVE
43
''TEail■E'.
,~aillE•
~clclEl ■ttEr,
El~ITI ~11c1
• • ... ■ty.,,,
~ ••• .,.·1·
FEATURES/
''It'.
ST
tllTIE tC> l'ECl~IITI tllE
c111lt111l'Ee>f fc911lle>11''
- ll'EllE le>IC>llf!E
Nc(c9ll)lll11
',
'
...
'
''
,',' : ......~
?/.}::•::-:·.:·:/:)i\}:
',
,,
'.
,. ,·,..
...
.. .
:::":'::.::··
...:..... ..
.
·::•·•:• .·.·
,,
,
•• .• ·.,:,:.··,:
·=<<<\::
4
CURVE
45
TURES/
STYLE
''I l11e>w tllEIE
f!~l'ITIEllfl
~l'E
ITI~clE tC>
<EIEl>l'~t
E ITil' ·~·
(lalEEI' l>C>cll'•,,
-H~l'f!~l'lt~
''Till•
•
llf!ll~f
I
WE~I'
~
le>t.''
-"'C>ITil'
46
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
cll'EII
2014
all'E
;.
•
l)IE<E
C>ll ll~f!E,
l~ITI
ITil'
~., •• ;
Pearl's bold style has earned her a legion of dedicated fans.
"Size Queen is different from other plus~size lines because Bertha
doesn't create clothing that allows fatties to play it small, blend in
or disappear;' says burlesque star Irene Solonge McCalphin ( aka
Magnoliah Black of Rubenesque Burlesque). "Size Queen offers
us the opportunity to shine, be sexy, create sensation without
boundaries:'
"Fat people deserve access;' says fat activist Margarita Rossi.
'J\ccess to things we are usually expressly forbidden from being:
confident, beautiful, colorful, sexy and deserving of being
comfortable and having welUitting clothes:'
Unlike many plus~size lines, Size Queen really does cater to
every shape and size. 'Tm a superfat person who cannot buy
clothing in stores;' says writer and professor Elena Escalera
PhD. "It makes me so happy to have anything to wear-peri~
od. But it's wonderful to find something fun and exciting. We
are the forgotten, even among fat people or large size clothing
stores. It makes us invisible, every day. Size Queen sees us:'
It's this demand for visibility and inclusivity that makes Rowdy
Baubles jewelry the perfect companion for Size Queen clothing.
"I wanted to find a way to create something for my community;'
says Teukie, who's been designing jewelry since they were 15.
"I wanted to push against the idea of 'pride jewelry' as some~
thing junky and mass produced that we wear once a year and
create a new concept of 'queer adornment' that doesn't flatten
and erase queerness, and that can be accessed by folks of all
genders, all identities:'
What both Size Queen and Rowdy Baubles provide for
their clients-in addition to fierce clothing and bright brilliant
jewelry-is
the opportunity to be bold, fashionable and fabu~
lous. And with fat bias and queer phobia ever~present, it's still
a deeply radical thing to be visible, in every sense of the word.
Plus, it never hurts to be looking damn good while you're at it!
(sizequeenclothing.com, rowdybaubles.etsy.com) •
The multitalented Guinevere Turner is perhaps best known for
kick-starting the independent lesbian film movement with 1994's
Go Fish, a gritty black-and-white portrayal of lesbian culture.
Rose Troche, Turner's partner at the time, directed the film;
Troche and Turner co-wrote and co-produced it; and Turner
played a leading role. She then went on to write films such as
American Psycho and The Notorious Bettie Page-and even took
a walk on the wild side, playing the dominatrix Tanya Cheex in
Preachingto the Perverted.She was a writer for the first two (and
arguably the best) seasons of The L Word, in which she also had a
cameo role as Alice Pieszecki's unscrupulous ex-girlfriend, Gabby
Deveaux. In 2005, Turner directed
the short film Hung, a festival favorite
in which a group of lesbians suddenly
develop penises. Now she is making her
debut as a feature-film director with Creeps,which she co-wrote
with her best gay male friend, Jose Mufi.oz. Munoz died shortly
after this interview was conducted and although Turner declined
to comment on his passing, she reiterated her hopes for the future
of the film and its crowdfunding potential.
Before we get into this, I came across breaking news. I
heard mention of Go Fish 2! Is this true?
Well, Rose and I have been talking about it for years, and coming
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
47
up with different approaches. People seem
to be excited about it, too. But we live on
different coasts, so it's hard to work on it!
We have had many hilarious ideas and
have had fun talking about it and cracking
ourselves up.
Instead of being about coming out,
Go Fish is about lesbians living their
lives, navigating relationships and
work. Has this approach to telling
gay stories gained momentum
since1994?
And then some! Now we have all kinds
of complicated characters-on
TV, even!
We forget that the idea of Queer Eye for
the Straight Guy was so unthinkable back
in 1994. When I first saw that show, my
jaw dropped to the floor. And Will and
Grace was just about friends. Nowforget about it! There are so many LGBT
characters-well, not so much T-on TV
that it's hard to keep track. And I feel like
I have the luxury of not keeping track, if I
don't feel like it.
The L Word is another example of
lesbian and queer characters getting
to just live their lives. The show
ended in 2009, but its mythology is
very much alive in the lesbian and
queer communities. What do you see
as the lasting impact of the show?
Ha, I was just telling the story the other
day about how a disgruntled lesbian and
L Word fan came up to me once when the
show was on and said, "I am never telling
anyone my story again! I tell someone
something and it's on The L Word the
next season!" And I was thinking, "Honey,
nobody's stealing your story-your
life
just isn't that unique! Dyke drama is
dyke drama!" I think the lasting impact is
a generation of women who want to have
hair like Shane and Alice! I jest. I think
it was great for what it was, and opened
doors in some ways. In other ways it was
like, "OK, we can't do a lesbian showShowtime already did that!" So I was
really glad when Orange Is the New Black
came out. Because the only thing more
entertaining than dyke drama is dyke
drama in jail!
The L Word production team is an
impressive community of creative
lesbians. You made your first film
with Rose Troche, and Creeps is
a project you undertook with a
longtime friend. How would you
characterize the role that friends and
community play in your career?
48
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
I am very much a collaborative person.
It's more fun for me that way. Being
in the writers' room on The L Word
was such a fun process-not
the usual
solitary experience of a writer. My film
community-predominantly
an LGBT
one-has
been a huge influence on my
work. Here in L.A. we help each other
and work on each other's projects and
recommend each other for jobs. Alison
Kelly will shoot Creeps, and that will
probably be the tenth production we've
worked on, with me either directing or in
front of the camera. Jamie Babbit helped
me direct my first short, and then we did
Breaking the Girls together, years later. It's
cool like that!
When you encounter fans, do they
confuse you with your characters?
[Laughs] My favorite was when a woman
came up to me during The L Word and said,
"Wow, you're a real bitch:' My character
on that show, Gabby Deveaux, was indeed
a nightmare, and I sort of laughed, but
she looked mad, like she really thought
I was Gabby and didn't get that I was an
actor. I was a little nervous that she was
going to tell me off. But usually people just
loved Go Fish and are excited to meet me
and super warm and full of compliments,
which I like. People always want to tell me
how old they were when they saw itwhat it meant to them. I hear stories about
coming out, coming out to their parents,
realizing you could be an out actress, all of
that stuff. It's great and makes me feel like
I've done a good thing.
In your interview on Margaret Cho's
podcast, you describe the story
behind Creeps as the journey of a
friendship, how best friends can
either help or hinder each other.
We've been seeing a lot of stories about
female friendships-in
Girls and Sheila
Heti's novel How Should a Person Be?, for
example. It's different in Creeps because
the friendship is between a lesbian and a
gay man, but it is the story of a friendship,
a platonic friendship where heterosexual
love doesn't figure prominently.
How was it to write a story of
friendship, compared to, say, a love
story, or horror?
Well, since I was actually coming up with
the story with my real best friend, it was a
total hoot. A lot of it is based on stuff that
happened to us in real life. I feel like the
friendships between lesbians and gay men
are wildly underrepresented
in LGBT
cinema, but I have so many gay friends! I
enjoyed writing it, versus a love story, for
example, because these are people who
don't really have to be nice to each other,
and so very often they are not. They are
like family, and so the boundaries are
different. It's fun to explore.
What inspired Creeps and how did
you decide to make it happen?
My best friend [was] an academic and
he was on sabbatical here in L.A., so we
just started messing around with it. I was
really interested in making gay characters
who are flawed and messy. That's the thing
we have earned the right to be now! I just
picked it up again, after almost 10 years,
and decided, "I like this story-let
me
make it current and make it in L.A. and
get it made:' I get antsy if I don't get to be
part of things that move forward. There is
a lot of stasis in this business, and I just
got itchy for action.
This is your first feature as a director.
Why did you decide to direct?
Yes, it's my first feature. I've directed five
short films and always knew I would move
on to features. It's so fun and challenging
and I love it!
What stage are you at in the
production?
Right now we are just raising money!
Hard core! Lots and lots of social media
and talking about the movie and getting
the word out there.
Your lndiegogo campaign fell short
of its $200,000 goal. What now?
Hoping to raise the $200,000, obviously!
But if not, to create momentum and
awareness of the project and find other
potential funding sources.
Even ifI had raised the $200,000, which
was our goal, I would have used that to
leverage raising twice that much. So I will
use this $50,000 to go out in the world
and get investors, approach production
companies, et cetera. It's one of the great
things about crowdfunding-it
allows me
to say, "Look! Seven hundred people were
willing to give money to see this movie get
made! And look at all of this press. The
fact that I am making a movie is press~
worthy:' That's important currency in the
modern indie film process.
If time and budget were limitless,
and you could make any story into a
film, what would it be?
Oh geez! Lesbian James Bond. I've
been saying that since we made Go Fish!
(guinturner.com) •
hen it comes to spilling her
heart and soul to thousands
of complete strangers, Mary
Lambert is no rookie. The singer,
songwriter, and spoken word
artist has a knack for digging
deep and bringing forth the most
vulnerable of topics, and arenas
full of listeners have no choice but
to let her powerful emotions wash
over them. Well-known for featuring
in Macklemore's hit "Same Love," Lambert recently
signed with Capitol Records and performed live at the
2014 Grammy Awards. She is on the rise as a breakout
solo artist and is making a name for herself in a
hugely competitive industry. Identifying her greatest
strengths as singing and crying, the openly gay
feminist is honest and up-front about everythingfrom love to body image to sexual abuse. Prepare to
be slammed with a slew of emotions as Lambert's
voice and lyrics encompass your heart and connect
with you in a way no one but your best friend ever
has before. Her relationship with femininity, her body,
and self-doubt intertwine with her vocals to wrench
your gut while somehow embracing you warmly.
Regardless of whether you need something deep
and dark or an empowering message that you won't
be able to resist Lambert has you covered. She's a
woman you can expect to hear much more from with
her forthcoming full-length album, which
is being finessed by the producers of Sara Bareilles,
Tori Amos and Adele.
How has life changed since your success with "Same
Love" and "She Keeps Me Warm"?
for someone to tap me on the shoulder and say,"Get the hell our:'
After your performance at the Grammys do you feel
more comfortable in the spotlight now?
It takes me a while to remember that I'm sort of an anomaly-I'm
a plus~sized queer woman that wants to talk about body image
and sexual abuse on a major label and it's not only accepted but
it's supported by the label and the fan base and the audience. That
is how it should be but it's not always, so I feel really lucky to be
in the position that I'm in. I think the Grammys sort of solidified
that for me. I'm singing about gay rights and very explicitly about
being a lesbian and Keith Urban's crying at it. The beauty of the
entire performance, of Queen Latifah being there, and I sang with
Madonna, so, you know ... l didn't even have that on my bucket list.
Gay rights at the Grammys. Do you feel that suddenly
we are making progress as a community?
I think it's a very rapid evolution of thought at least from when I
was in high school to now. Even the last three years in terms of gay
rights and social acceptance, it stretches beyond tolerance-it's
actual love for your friends and neighbors and the queer community.
Madonna is known for picking hot young female musicians to perform with at awards ceremonies but in her
performance with you it seemed completely heartfelt.
Yeah, it totally was. When I found out she was performing with
me I was speechless. I couldn't even believe that was happening
with me. Part of me was a little worried, making sure that the
integrity of the song stayed there so that it wasn't like her previous
duets on award stages. But as soon as we started having rehearsals
it seemed like everything was taken very seriously. Everybody
knew how important and impactful the performance would be.
I know I did because I was the one crying all the time. I cried for
almost 10 hours straight the day before during rehearsal.
It hits me every day-like, is this real? Does this really happen to
people? Why am I this person who gets to have all these incredible
things? This gets to happen to me? I get really worked up about it.
I'm just trying to take it in every day and not for one second feel
entitled. I just want to feel grateful for every moment.
I heard she wiped your tears.
She did, she did, she wiped my tears! I remember standing there.
We're at dress rehearsal, all of the gay couples are there, Queen
Latifah is there, Madonna's standing next to me singing about gay
rights and I just start crying and Madonna stands there wiping my
tears and I'm like, In what world does this exist when last year I
was bartending? How does it really happen?
How did you feel while performing at the VMAs with
Macklemore and Jennifer Hudson?
Stupid. All of it was stupid. It was ridiculous. I have to create
this other person who can handle all this shit. A year ago I was
working a bunch of jobs, I broke my ankle and was trying to
figure out how to pay rent. Then I sang about social impact with
Macklemore and Jennifer Hudson at the VMAs in a glittery dress
and it was really beautiful. It takes time for your brain to catch up
with what your body's doing. I just don't want to take any of it for
granted. I want to be just as excited as I am right now, always. I'm
really terrified that I'm going to get blase about my life, so at the
VMAs I was really trying to take in every moment. I get over~
whelmed really easily, but I've created this person who's like, "Yeah,
I belong here. I'm fucking standing where I need to be:'I'm waiting
You've earned it! You're out and proud and a role model for our community. How do you feel about queer
celebrities who don't come out? Should we push them
out of the closet or let them be?
I think we should let them be. The public thinking they have knowl~
edge of a person's gayness, I think it's really unhealthy. You're not
in their situation; it's not your career that you have to go through.
Weve come a long way from Ellen DeGeneres' show being cancelled
when she came out so it's becoming more common for celebrities
to come out because theres more of a widespread acceptance and
the industry is hopefully not going to discriminate. It's also aided
by visibility.The only way that the industry will change is through
visibility but I don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to push
somebody into accepting their own sexual orientation.
50
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
FEATUREstCOVER
11
What does the hook in Same Love" mean to you? Has
it changed over time?
When I first wrote the hook I wanted it to be something that hit
people emotionally. I felt like the song hit people in a very rational
way and made them think, but I wanted to be able to make them
feel. The good news is that I'm super~emotional. It was really easy
to write this because that's what I do. Then it sort of became an
anthem for allies. People have adapted it to be a universal love
song, and that's amazing. I've also struggled with it. My girlfriend
and I broke up, so how could I sing"She Keeps Me Warm'' every
night? I'm really vulnerable when I'm on stage, and those words
became really lifeless and didn't have meaning to me. I can shout
all day about how I can't change, but for me the song felt applicable
because I was in a relationship. But if you don't love anybody, then
what are you singing about? Then a couple of nights ago I just
felt it. It all came back. I sang the snot out of it and it felt so good.
There was emotion in it and rawness and joy at the end. I'm really
excited about it again.
What made it change?
I'm seeing someone. I don't base it solely on that, though-the
crowd was also amazing. The crowd was so intensely excited to see
me. It was all of that welcoming energy, along with my just having
signed with Capitol Records. At that moment I thought to myself,
"No, I'm regaining control. This is my career:'
Some people have said that as a straight artist
Macklemore is exploiting queer people by writing a
gay anthem. They've criticized him for it. What do you
think about that?
I think that we should always be critical-especially of things
people are being congratulated for. But honestly, in this case, the
criticism is offensive to me. It discounts me as a gay woman. It
totally tosses me aside. This is my story, too. I think the beauty of
the song is that we're both speaking from our own points of view.
I don't think he's appropriating the gay struggle. He's coming from
his point of view, which is as an ally.You can hear it in his lyrics.
I think the best writers only write from their own perspective. I
know that criticism is welcome in all of these avenues, but it's also
really important to validate small steps. That's what it is. I say,
"Screw 'em:'
What do you think about other people covering your
work?
It's crazy. When I watched it on The Voice,the whole crew piled
into my hotel room and it was like a family thing. We were so
excited. When the performer said, 'Tm singing Mary Lambert;' I
was like, "Shut the fuck up:' I couldn't believe it. I don't have words.
Tell us about your track "I Know Girls (Bodylove)."
That poem is the most important thing I've ever written. I wrote it
at a time I really needed it-I was self~harming and sleeping with
everyone who thought I was attractive. I hated my body, I was
miserable, I wanted to die, and I was being reckless. Since I get to
perform it so often, I have the most amazing view of my body now.
It's because I have a mantra. I love that it's had such an impact on
girls. I want the song to be big, and not just for my ego. The reason
I want it to be heard and to be on the radio is because of the
ST
impact it can have. This song can do so much good. I'm pushing
really hard for it to be on the radio. I just feel very lucky to be able
to perform it so often.
You've said that you're good at both crying and singing-are the tears good or bad?
I cry all the time. I was actually thinking last night, "How many
times did I cry today?" I've already cried twice in this interview. I
feel everything so intensely. More often than not I'm crying about
how wonderful everything is because words can only express so
much. The night I sang with Ed Sheeran at our show in Buffalo,
he played us his new record and I just cried in Macklemore's
arms. I was sobbing because it was so beautiful-and I was a little
drunk. It's very common for people to see me crying on the tour.
I'm moved really easily.
How have you coped with the changes since your last
relationship ended?
I think I've learned some lessons through the breakup. A lot of
that had to do with me being very vocal about my relationship
with my girlfriend. I talked about it in interviews all the time, it
was on my Wikipedia page, and there are pictures everywhere.
Those will stay with her. It's not fair for her anonymity. I'm going
through some massive changes and am not the same person I was
three years ago-hell no, not even close. Three years ago, I was
wasted all the time and I slept in my car. I'm not that person any~
more. I'm now independent and self sufficient. I've never felt more
sure or clear of where I am. I feel really good about that.
Your book 500 Tips for Fat Girls doesn't actually have
any tips in it. Describe the poems in the book and what
purpose they serve.
The poems span my life. They are locked into the idea of vulnera~
bility. I talk about being bipolar, about my incest, about rape, and
about body image in a very honest and terrifying way. In music,
you can say those things and often disguise and structure it. With
poetry, you're writing exactly how you feel. It's much more raw.
The book is just a series of experiences that have affected me,
and I hope to affect other people because there are a lot of shared
experiences in it.
Your poetry is so frank and honest. Was it hard for a
you to really go there and reveal so much of your
inner life?
That's the crazy thing-it's not. It's harder for me to tell a coworker,
"Yeah, I was totally molested by my dad" than to say it in front of
a thousand people. When I look at my audience, I know they're
there because they want to be. My audience supports me and likes
what I do, and I automatically feel safe with them. That's why
it's easier on stage. I'm very open in my personal life, too. I'll talk
about it all. You don't want to hear that shit at dinner, though. I
want to be talking about it on a larger platform.
You've talked about femme invisibility in the past.
Now that you are an out artist, has that gone away?
And if so, how does it feel to be more visibly queer?
I joke and say that people didn't know I was gay before, and I had
to constantly prove mysel£ I wrote this song so that I wouldn't
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
53
have to fight for myself at a gay bar [laughs]. I'm so happy and
grateful to go around the country singing about how I gay I am
and have people be totally cool with it. It's crazy. Sometimes in the
queer world I didn't feel like I fit in because I didn't have a cool
haircut. And I tried. I cut my hair short and had my flannel jacket
and that was fine. That was me, that was where I needed to be
when I came out. Now, I'm just not that person anymore. I've gone
through different incarnations, and I'm really happy about wearing
beautiful dresses every night, and I'm proud of my femininity and
my gayness.
When do you first remember
feeling the pressure of having to
maintain a certain body image?
How has that changed since
you've become more famous?
When I was 9. That wasn't the first
time that I cried about my body, but
it was the first time that I realized I
was bigger than everybody else. God,
that sucked. I lost a bunch of weight
when I was dancing in high school,
and then gained it all back. I hated
myself and tried to commit suicide for
several reasons. I was miserable. I wrote
"Bodylove" and then I went through
a series of healing years. Now I'm in
the public light. I feel like people have
really embraced me as a plus~size girl,
as an advocate for gay rights, and for talking
about body image. I feel so accepted and loved
by all communities. I've never felt better about
my body. I feel more beautiful than I ever have
before. It's amazing.
You've been open about your relationship with your body when you've dealt
with abuse and mental illness. But as an
artist, your body is your instrument. Do
you often think about it in that way?
I honestly think about it less than I have before,
because I've come to a really beautiful place of
understanding with my body. I've been practicing listening to it
for so long now that we have a really good relationship with each
other. I think I just care less than I have before. Writing is one of
those things where you're constantly picking apart a process. You
have to sort through all that shit or you're going to be crazy for the
rest of your life, or hate yoursel£ or feel sad. That's what writing
was for me-exposing a lot of those parts that sucked. It also felt
good-being able to talk about them and having other people
to relate to.
What is the best advice you could give someone who is
dealing with sexuality and body image issues?
You are in control of your own happiness. I believe that everybody
deserves happiness and the absolute best. Self~worth is something
that's been depleted for so many people, and it's the root of a lot
of sadness. We forget how worthy and beautiful we are. The way I
54
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
figured it out was having a really great support system. I surrounded
myself with people that got me. They're out there. The sooner you
understand yoursel£ the sooner you can embrace yoursel£
How have you felt about some of the reviews for your
EP Welcome to the Age of My Body?
The cool thing is that I went to an arts college where they gave me
adjudications every semester and sometimes ripped me apart and
the times that I was picked apart was because it was too personal
and too vulnerable. And not to say that they just don't get it. I
think that a lot of the criticisms [of the EP] are sometimes that it
was put together too quickly.To be honest, we did put it out quickly
because we wanted an introduction to who I was to the world.
We wanted to get "She Keeps Me Warm" onto an EP and it made
sense to do it quickly. As far as the integrity of the music goes, I'm
really proud of it. If anything, I can't wait to show you what's next,
I can't wait to show you the other thing I've been working on. I'm
just excited to show what's going on in my world.
When is your full-length album out?
I'm shooting for June or July. I've been working really hard and
I've been co~writing for the first time in my life. I've been pushing
myself in ways that I probably normally wouldn't. I feel like I'm
doing a sound that I've never really heard before and that I'm
excited about and other people will be excited about. I think it's
going really well. It's confessional but I think it's got a bit of edge to
it too. I wrote my first sexy song and I wrote my first angry song,
so there's some range in it. I want to explore different facets of my
emotional connection to my music.
You're currently seeing Michelle Chamuel. What did
you two do for Valentine's Day?
I had a show in New York and it was a very special show, it sold
out and I was so happy. It was a beautiful night and I wore a really
pretty dress and [Michelle] came out to New York and we had a
really nice time. You really want to treasure those moments that
you have with your partner.
How did you and Michelle meet?
We were working on music together, and I think music is one of
those things-it's a really soulful connection. I thought she was
wonderful, instantly. But [romance] wasn't in my head though.
The focus was music and that's also translated in our lives, too. I
want to be really focused on my career and when we were working
together that was the intention.
Do you think that new love can heal past trauma?
I think in a lot of ways, yes. But I think you have to make sure that
in a relationship those wounds you've felt in past trauma are taken
and healed by yourself and that the relationship is not a Band~Aid
or a crutch-it's not a solution to problems. But there's definitely a
comfort that someone else can bring.
Now having been witness to the big group wedding at
the Grammys do you see yourself getting married?
Definitely. I mean, no time soon. I have a lot to accomplish before I
settle down. I'm just really excited about everything that's happening.
(marylambertsings.com) •
,
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
.......
.. .
.• .. ..
•.. .
.•.•.... ...
..
•.. .
••
..... ...
.•• . .
.• .. ..
..... ...
.•.... ...
.•.... ...
.•• .. ..
•.. .
.•.... ...
.•.... ...
•.. .
.•.... ...
•.. .
•.. .
...... ....
••
•.. .
...... ....
..
••
•.. .
...... ....
.•• .. ..
..... ...
.• ... ...
•
••.. .
.•.... ...
••
.• .. ..
.• .. ..
.• .. ..
•.. .
..
••
e
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•e •
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•• •
e
•
•
•
• •
e
e
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
• •
•• •
•
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•
•
e
• e• •
•
e
e
e
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
e
e
• e• •
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
• •
e
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
e
•
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
•
•
• •
e
•
e
•
•
e
• e• •
e •
•e •
•
•
e
•• •
•
•
e
e
• e• •
e
•
I
hether you're seasoned in the art of the sen~
sual sashay or a curious newcomer interested
in how burlesque challenges heteronormativity,
BurlyCon is sure to satisfy. The provocative conven~
tion features over 100 classes and workshops and more than 40
instructors equipped to teach the most titillating techniques. Each
class and hands on workshop is tailored to inspire, educate and
empower with topics ranging from flirty and fun instruction
in "Basic Bump and Grind" to more intellectual discussion
like "Race, Ethnicity and Color in Burlesque:' No stone goes
unturned, or feather unfurled, in this three~day weekend
packed with like~minded students eager to learn more about
the sensual art.
e
•
e •• •
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
.••e •..• •
I
BY ROSANNA RIOS-SPICER
•
•
e
•
BURLYCON
MAKES
THE
EMERALD
CITY
SHIMMER
AND
SHAKE.
56
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Producing this year's event is the very talented and quite queer
Miss Indigo Blue. Performing since 1994, Miss Indigo Blue is
the headmistress of Academy of Burlesque in Seattle and is
no stranger to showing skin with ample experience as both a
solo performer and as part of The Atomic Bombshells and Lily
Viraine Presents. Her performances range from quirky and campy
to glamorous and sexy with key acts on her tours that include a
queer reimagining of Wonder Woman and a lesbian ode to safer
sex: "No Glove, No Love:' Her enthusiasm for BurlyCon is rooted in
both her love for teaching and performing this creative and erotic
form of expression and for seeing a space that is open to all gen~
ders, sexualities and bodies-which
is what makes BurlyCon is
such an important event.
Learning to twirl tassels is an essential
skill any queer burlesque needs masterbut equally important is learning the his~
tory of queer performance. One doesn't
have to dig too deep into burlesque her~
story to find proud performers of the
queer persuasion, such as classic temptress
Satan's Angel. Burlesque is, after all, drag's
close cousin. New ways of expressing
our sexuality have developed into move~
men ts such as "Queerlesque" -a hot trend
emerging both across the stage and in
academic circles.
Lady lovers will be tickled to know that
BurlyCon caters to an audience that is ma~
jority women. It is not a woman~only space,
but expect to see both queer and straight
women of all orientations, sizes, abilities
and backgrounds. The most recent Guest of
Honor was Wild Cherry, a 1950s era classic
performer hailing from New Orleans.
BurlyCon is the place where each per~
former learns how to tell her own erotic
story, whether its by making her audience
giggle or thoughtfully reflect. As you dis~
cover the wonders of BurlyCon, you might
just uncover a little more about yourself.
(burlycon.org) •
,
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
.......
.. .
.• .. ..
•.. .
.•.•.... ...
..
•.. .
••
..... ...
.•• . .
.• .. ..
..... ...
.•.... ...
.•.... ...
.•• .. ..
•.. .
.•.... ...
.•.... ...
•.. .
.•.... ...
•.. .
•.. .
...... ....
••
•.. .
...... ....
..
••
•.. .
...... ....
.•• .. ..
..... ...
.• ... ...
•
••.. .
.•.... ...
••
.• .. ..
.• .. ..
.• .. ..
•.. .
..
••
e
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•e •
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•• •
e
•
•
•
• •
e
e
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
• •
•• •
•
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•
•
e
• e• •
•
e
e
e
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
e
e
• e• •
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
• •
e
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
e
•
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
• •
e
•
e
•
•
e
• e• •
e •
•e •
•
e
•• •
•
•
e
e
•
•e •
e
•
e
•
e
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
.••e •..• •
I
I
BY RACHEL SHATTO
•
•
•
WE
GET
HOT
AND
HEAVY
WITH
THE
WOMEN
OF
RUBENESQUE
BURLESQUE.
hen Rubenesque Burlesque steps onto the stage,
audiences take notice. Lead by Juicy D. Light,
this six~person troupe of fierce, sexy fat women is
challenging the way people see fat bodies, one saucy
number at a time.
Juicy had previously danced with Big Burlesque, but it wasn't long
after leaving before she heard the call back to the stage, founding
Rubenesque in 2007. "I was missing dance, I was missing commu~
nity, I was missing the presence of fat girls willing to strip;' she says.
60
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Her goal with Rubenesque was twofold: to put on a good show
and to offer an alternative view as to what constitutes beauty.
"I want everybody to be entertained. I want everyone to have
a good time. If someone has problems with their body, I hope
they see they're just fine. I hope that we're a mirror to the fat
world;' she says. "You're OK sis, you're alright, because every~
body says you're not doesn't make that true. In your definition
of beauty, you have to include yourself. I want people to start
including themselves:'
N
re,::
<(
~
I
uCf)
~
:::,
Soon she was searching for spaces to dance and women
to dance with. "There is always fat art and there are always
fat dancers, but I wanted a troupe, I wanted strength in num~
bers ... I wanted 20 beautiful big fat women stripping:'
Assembling this dream team was easier than one might ex~
pect. "We're a beacon. We put the light out and people come
to us when they're ready;' says Delight. "There's not a lot of
converting, a lot of, 'Hey, come on, you can do it: It's more,
'Come and play with us, and you see us, and you see how the
crowd reacts to us: If one feels that they are ready, they're
welcome to come seek us out:'
That's exactly how Kitty Von Quim, who has been with
Rubenesque for six years, joined. "I found out that there was
a local group that was doing a runway show with Big Moves.
Rubenesque Burlesque was performing and I was like,
'Whoa!' It was totally a mind~blowing experience;' recalls
Kitty. "Not only were they fat kids dancing, they were fat
kids who take their clothes off. I said, 'I'd like to do that' and
Juicy said, 'Absolutely, please do: I went to rehearsal and I
haven't left:'
For Lucia N. Habitions, it was the fulfillment of a lifelong
dream. "I had been watching burlesque and collecting bur~
lesque memorabilia since I was in high school and I started
going to see the local Hubba Hubba Review here and that's
where I saw Rubenesque;' Lucia says. "I had always wanted to
do it, but I never thought anyone would be interested in see~
ing me naked-or half naked. So I basically went up to Juicy
afterward and told her how amazing I thought they were and
she said I should come to a rehearsal, and so I did. I've been
here ever since and it's been about four and a half years now:'
For the troupe's newest member, Rue B. Tickles, discover~
ing fat community and Rubenesque was life changing."! went
to an event called A Fatty Affair last January, which at the
time I thought was just a clothing swap but
I went and it was this magnificent day filled
with speakers and dancers-fat
dancers. I
heard [Rubenesque member] Magnoliah Black
speak at that event and she kind of blew my
mind;' says Rue, who shares: 'Td always gone
drastically up and down in weight and I was
this close to getting weight loss surgery and
on that day it dawned on me that that was
not the right path and that I had been looking
at everything wrong. So I started looking at
everything in a totally different way. [Joining
Rubenesque Burlesque] is part of that:'
While Rubenesque's performers all came to
the troupe through different avenues, the im~
pact that being a part of it has made on their
lives is universally positive.
"It's thrilling;' says Rue. "I love to perform
anyway in many capacities, so I love that part
of it. I love that they take care of each other. I
actually lead, in my professional life, a pretty
conservative life, so for me I kinda have a wild
thing part of myself that is a little too intense
for everyday life but I get to express that so it's
very nourishing for me to do that:'
"We've basically created a little family;' adds
Kitty. "I didn't really have that many fat friends
before I found these girls. My wife, who's a size
two, when I'm having one of my fat days she
doesn't necessarily understand-I
love her
dearly but she doesn't get it. It's a place to check
mysel£ it's a place to keep fighting the good
fight. It's having the support of people who'll
say,'Let's fight this, let's change this idea of us:
It's revolutionary and that's what I absolutely
love. It's a little rowdy group that doesn't want
to take 'you can't' for an answer:'
Rowdy is a perfect word to describe
a Rubenesque performance, as they are
definitely audacious, erotic, funny and
more than a little confrontational. And
the audiences eat it up-once
the initial
surprise wears off. "We were at a show
where we were performing in front of a
myriad of people, an audience that prefers
to be shocked at a show called Tourette's
Without Regrets;' recalls Kitty. "There
were barely any fat people in the audience
and you could sort of hear their shock
at the beginning, and then just how they
warm up and fall a little bit more in love.
At the end it's not 'fat performers' it's 'these
performers: Yeah, we're fat, we're always
going to be fat, can we put that aside to see
what else we're doing?"
Everybody has self doubt, don't get me
wrong;' says Kitty,"but if we didn't have an
overall acceptance and love it would be so
easy to already be defeated as soon as we
got up there, to hear that laughter and say,
'Here we go again: But instead, we think,
Tm going to show them, show them what
to think: We're telling the story instead of
letting them dictate where it's going to go:'
The secret to their success (aside from
their sheer va~va~voomness), according to
Juicy, is confidence. "I think it's the illu~
sion of fearlessness. We make eye contact.
We engage the audience. You cannot run,
we're here and we're looking at you. It's not
television:'
It takes a special kind of bravery to step
on stage and take off your clothes, even if
the crowd is hooting and cheering with
delight, but to do it after a lifetime of
being told your body is undesirable, now
that takes guts (pun intended). But for
Juicy, it's part of a larger philosophy, that
of living an "authentic life:' Juicy explains,
"Living an authentic life is basically doing,
being, creating, owning. If you want to do
something, do it, as living your authentic
life. If you want to write, write. If you
want to date, date. People really have us
fooled that no one's going to want to date
us, but nothing could be further from
the truth. I mean, really:' If you have a
vagina, you can have a date. There's going
to be someone who wants to be up in it.
If you want to sit at home and do noth~
ing, it's because you've chosen that, not
because you're not desired. If youre not
dancing, it's because you've chosen not to
dance, not because nobody wants to see
you move:'
"Don't let anything hold you back,"
adds Lucia. "Don't put things off un~
til the right moment or what you think
your body should look like for things,
live your life now in the body you have
now and live every day the way that you
want to. All bodies are beautiful and all
bodies can dance and everyone should
do the things that make them happy re~
gardless of what society tells them they
should do:'
"There's no time like the present;' Kitty
adds. "The longer you wait, the longer it
takes. As long as you're up there with
confidence ... people have to take notice
of you. They have to, because you love
yourself and you're up there. Don't wait,
because when you wait you have regrets:'
For those not quite prepared to take the
plunge and attend one of Rubenesque's
open rehearsals, Juicy ended our conver~
sation with an inspiring challenge: "Not
everybody wants to strip. Skinny girls
don't want to strip. You're modest, I get it.
But whatever it is you want to do to live
your best authentic life, do it and see what
happens:' (rubenesqueburlesque.com) •
,
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
.......
.. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.•.•. ... ...
.•. .. ..
••
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
... ... ...
.•. .. ..
.. .. ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
••
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .
••
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
•••
... ... ...
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
••
••. . .
..• .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
.•. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
••
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•e •
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•• •
e
•
•
•
• •
e
e
•
•
• •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•
•
e
• e• •
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
e
e
e
• e• •
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•e •
• •e •
•• •
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
• e• •
•
• •• •
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
.•• •..• •
I
I
ntersectio
•
BY SONDRA SOLOVAY & GALADRIEL MOZEE
E
atphobia
permeates
the
culture. In the United States,
cry few laws prohibit weight
crimination. Fat people face
harassment and discrimination on the
job, in schools, when renting homes, when
seeking medical care, when shopping,
and when parenting. While the Equal
Opportunity Employment Coalition has
recognized that legal protections likely
exist for individuals on the higher end
of the weight spectrum, plenty of people
don't qualify for those protections. Some
mainstream groups have taken the familiar "love the sinner, hate the sin" attitude
toward fat folks; they agree that fat people should have basic civil rights, as long
as they have weighdoss goals-so they
are still promoting the use of weight as a
stand-in for health.
Nolose is a nonprofit organization
working to "end the oppression of fat people and create a vibrant fat queer culture:'
One of the exciting aspects about the
Nolose approach is the understanding that fatphobia, as thier bylaws
state, is "integrally linked to other social justice issues, such as the women's
movement, the anti-racist and anti-imperialist struggles of people of color
at home and around the world, the
queer and transgender movements,
class struggle, disability rights movements, and more. [Nolose believes]
beauty, morality, and health must be
divorced from size, shape, age, gender,
sex, race, ability, religion, and sexual
orientation:'
From inspmng
body-embracing dance troupes like Oakland's
Raks Africa, to Nolose's People of Color
(POC) caucus, to the Canada-based "It
Gets Fatter" video project, the work to
center the voices of people of color within
the fat justice movement, and specifically
within the queer fat movement, has long
been gaining momentum. Because many
of the funded scientific studies and much
targeted diet propaganda focus on the
64
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
bodies of people of color, and utilize wellknown people of color as spokespersons,
it is easy to see that the war on fat has become a war on bodies of color. The
voices of fat queer people of color
are challenging this colonized paradigm, which exists in mainstream
and queer culture alike.
Revisiting past work is helpful
in understanding and communicating the important intersection of
fat justice, queer community, and
communities of color. The wisdom
that precedes us lays a foundation
for the work to come. Taking a
look back to powerful moments in
a movement's past creates access
points for new people and new
insights. Listening to the many
amazing people of color who were
Nolose Conference keynote speakers in the last several years, it is easy
to spot common themes.
Bianca Wilson, a biracial lesbian who
spoke at the 2010 Nolose Conference
( theme: Fat Panic), focused on the
weight-health paradigm and how it
affects work with black lesbian and bisexual women. "Incorporating an analysis of
race means more than challenging how
white fat community does or does not
include the needs of POCs in social spaces;'
she explains. In her talk, she discussed
the need to reject the dominant health
framework that equates fat with illness.
In her 2013 keynote talk (theme:
Survival of the Fattest), Fresh, a fat black
dyke and poly-rural Southern girl, echoed
Wilson's observations. Fresh is organizing
a community cafe in Chicago as part of her
food justice and accessibility work. She is
also involved with a farm and eco-campus
that has Healthy Food hubs in communities of color. One consequence of using
weight as a proxy for health is the way it
poisons the food justice movement. 'Tm
constantly in communities where others
fighting for food justice and accessibility to
fresh food are doing so on the 'fight obesity;
'anti-fat' bandwagon, so there is a need to
have tools to fight and survive;' Fresh reports. 'Tm also often amongst folks who
are not self-advocating. They are fighting for what they think others need, not
necessarily fighting for themselves, or
their experiences, or even their personal
communities:'
Fatphobia
iscommonplace.
Even
among
queers,
thegeneral
assumption
isthat
we
areallonthesame
page
about
fat.Actually,
wearenot
even
reading
thesame
book.
TaMeicka Clear, a selfidentified black
cis female big~bodied code switcher, focused
her keynote talk on intergenerational heal~
ing and her own story of survival. She
discussed the challenges of visibility and
self~advocacy within Nolose. "I attempt
to bring all of me to the table without ex~
ploiting my community or contributing
to the villain~ization of black life, black~
ness, or black men, as my father was very
fat~shaming when I was a kid. That is the
work I do often-being
in queer/activist
space and having to be very intentional
and careful with my blackness and black~
ness [in general];' she says, adding,"! want~
edit to be clear that spaces like Nolose are
beautiful yet complicated:'
The reality of the ways in which people
who have multiple and overlapping iden~
tities are required to parse themselves out
when trying to find community is a com~
mon theme among the keynote speakers
who are people of color. Collette Carter,
who describes herself as black fat queer
and
working class,
describes the
conference as
"one of the
spaces where
I felt I could
be all of my~
self, even as
a fan of pop
culture and
science fiction:' While Nolose is no utopia,
Carter reports, "It is an amazing string of
experiences that define a person and the
places that both replenish and challenge
our point of view. It is not an easy skill to
build community across difference, even
when there is a larger identity as a grav~
itational pull. How we prepare to engage
and build community power is only as
strong as our ability to listen, share, be
accountable, and have hard conversations
located within a shared historical context:'
Carter goes on to explain: "Growing up in
a country where I felt I was not supposed
to survive, and understanding that many
others have also felt the same, I wanted
my keynote to reflect the possibilities and
opportunities embedded in that energy, if
harnessed intentionally:'
Harnessing that energy is crucial for
survival. Fat oppression is a weapon that
targets people of size, but hurts every~
one. It promotes the belief that if we are
to be worthy of happiness and respect,
our bodies must meet a set of cook~
ie~cutter criteria. Those beauty expec~
rations put the thin, white, able~bodied
heterosexual at the center of the dialogue,
and normality; the further a person's lived
experience is from that center, the greater
the cost of that person's existence. This
narrow lens creates a dynamic whose pri~
mary function is to exclude and separate.
Queers are constantly trying to widen
that lens, because we know too well how
easy it is to be left out of the picture. We
strive to build bridges and connections
that span and represent our whole iden~
tity. Our work in these areas is often the
humbling experience of acknowledging
our own bias and expectations, but it
creates countless opportunities to learn
and grow.
Our society thinks fat people should
be singularly focused on weight loss, so
everything we do to negate that is activ~
ism. The fat justice movement is about
speaking up when size prejudice is play~
ing out in your community, no matter
what your size. It is about questioning
biases and beliefs. It's recognizing that
fat oppression plays out differently across
cultural, identity, and geographic lines.
It's listening to people's experiences of
how that looks for them, and believing
that people have the right to their own
bodies. The fat justice movement is hap~
pening right now and there is plenty of
room to join.•
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
65
.•. •.. •..
•. •. •
.
•. •. •.
.• .• .•
.•. ..• .•.
.. .. ..
• • •
•
e
l
e
e
e
•
•
•
l
•
•
l
•
e
l
e
e
e
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
•
•
•
l
e
•
l
l
l
l
l
... ... ...
•
e
l
e
•
l
• • •e •
l
. ..
•. •. •
.. .. ...
• • •
•. •. •
.. .. ...
• • •
• • •
... ... ...
.• .• •.
.. .. ..
•. •. •
.. .. ...
. ..
•
e
l
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
l
•
e
l
•
e
l
e
e
l
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
l
•
l
•
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
e
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
.. .. ..
• • •
l
. ..
•. •. •
.. .. ...
.. .. ..
.• .• .•
• • •
•. •. •
. . ..
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
e
l
e
e
•
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
•
l
e
e
e
•
•
•
l
l
l
.. .. ..
. ..
l
• • •e •
•
e
l
l
.• .• .•
•. .
• •
.. .. ...
e
•
l
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
l
•
•
e
e
l
l
l
l
l
.... •..
l
l
l
,
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
.......
.. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.•.•. ... ...
.•. .. ..
••
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
... ... ...
.•. .. ..
.. .. ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
••
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .
••
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
•••
... ... ...
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
••
••. . .
..• .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
.•. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
••
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•e •
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•• •
e
•
•
•
• •
e
e
•
•
• •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•
•
e
•
• e• •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
e
e
e
• e• •
•
•
•
e
•
•
•e •
e •• •
• •
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•e •
• •e •
•• •
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
• e• •
•
• •• •
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
.•• •..• •
I
I
te
•
Ca orC:
Solving Crintes,
Making Connections
THE
SUCCESSFUL
PSYCHIC
MEDIUM
EXPLAINS
HER
JOB
AND
HOW
BEING
AN
OUT
LESBIAN
ISIMPORTANT
TOIT. easy
BY MIA MANNS
ate Cadore is a psychic medium who consults with
private clients and also works with law enforcement.
She spoke to us from her home in Valencia, Calif.
Kate typically helps clients in two ways, with
life~path readings and by enabling them to
connect with deceased loved ones. She has always
been a psychic, but her gift opened up for her in 2006. Her mother,
Kate tells us, was also a psychic. A background in law enforce~
ment is the foundation of her work with local police agencies; she
uses her gift to give them information about criminals.
She describes her life~path readings as "a bit like going to a
therapist:' She takes a client's first name only and connects with "a
guide or higher energy source" that gives her information through
automatic writing. The letter that results will provide guidance
and answers for the client. The most common question people
have, says Kate, besides love and relationship questions, is what
is their purpose. "There's such a desire for people to have a deeper
meaning in life. They do, of course, want to share their life with
someone, but that's not always the first question that gets asked:'
She also says, "The ebb and flow of what people seek me out for
often has a lot to do with the economy and the state of the world:'
People come to her to talk about financial struggles and even to
ask for help with business decisions. Kate does emphasize, how~
ever, that she does not believe that any psychic or spiritualist can
tell anyone what the future holds for sure: Each of us is the master
of our own destiny, and our choices do matter.
The help people seek most often, she says, involves making
a connection with a lost loved one. Interestingly enough, Kate
knows ahead of time when a client will want to make a connec~
tion with the deceased. "I usually know before I get with a client
what it is that they want, not because they tell me but because
their deceased relative decides to show up in my house:' The pro~
cess is the same as with the life~path reading. She reads the client a
message that the deceased has given her through automatic writing.
When she's asked to work on criminal cases, sometimes law
enforcement officials will come to her to gather information, and
sometimes a victim's family members are the ones who'll approach
her. It's still somewhat unusual for law enforcement to include
Kate in an investigation. But attitudes are changing. "It's not an
66
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
thing. Law enforcement
is bureaucratic in many ways.
No one is really admitting to
the fact that they're using psy~
chic mediums for investigative
purposes, but it is becoming a
bit more common;' says Kate.
Since 1966, Kate says the
government has been making
use of psychic mediums, and
it is important to her that her
role in an investigation is rep~
resented accurately. Her work
usually involves the profiling
and apprehension of perpetra~
tors, and while she has not yet
been able to provide informa~
tion leading to the recovery of a
body, or the discovery of a lost
child, she hopes that that kind
of experience will open up to
her, because she would like to
help others in that capacity.
She has a really positive
attitude toward skeptics and
non~believers. "They are one of
the reasons I strive to be bet~
ter;' she says. Skeptics establish a
kind of quality control for her.
"If everyone just believed every~
thing that came out of psychics'
mouths, there wouldn't be any
challenge there:' Kate thanks
the skeptics for questioning
her work, and says, "It keeps
me humble, as well:'
She admits that there are
frauds in the business. "There
are people taking advantage of
individuals every day, claiming
that they have psychic abilities
and taking people's money:'
The fraudulent psychics don't
manage to build a reputation
in the business, but they do,
unfortunately, take advantage
of people who are seeking
guidance or a connection with
lost loved ones.
Kate's sexual identity is im~
portant to her work. It helps
her clients understand that she
will be accepting of their sexual
orientation, just as it would be
important for a patient in ther~
apy to know that the therapist
will understand and support
them as they deal with issues
that relate to sexuality.
Being an out lesbian is also
important to Kate's work in
that she is dedicated to hon~
esty and to seeking the truth
in every aspect of her life. The
issues her queer clients want
to talk about typically include
the way they feel about com~
ing out, being ostracized, de~
pression and suicide, HIV/
AIDS, the loss of a same~sex
partner, and, of course, rela~
tionship problems. Kate even
likes to think of herself as the
"Ellen of the psychic world"
and hopes that the real Ellen
doesn't mind.
"I want those in the com~
munity to know that there's
someone who is accessible to
them, and that they can come
to me and have an open forum,
be comfortable, be able to get
the help that they need:'
(katecadore.com) •
HAWAIIAN LUXURY RESORT
August30-September5 2014
1
Paradiseawaitsyou at the luxurious,five-starMauna LaniBay Hotel & Bungalows
TAKE PART IN OUR FIRST-EVERHEALTH AND WELLNESSPROGRAM!
MAYAN CARIBBEANCULINARY CRUISE
November23-30 2014
1
Tampa• Costa Maya • Santo TomasDe Castilla• MahoganyBay,Roatan • Cozumel • Tampa
SPEND YOUR THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY WITH OLIVIA
AUSTRALIA& NEW ZEALANDCRUISEODYSSEY
February13-24 2015
1
Sydney • Hobart • PortArthur • Fiord/andNationalPark• PortChalmers •
Akaroa • Wellington• Auckland
JOIN US FOR THE 25™ ANNIVERSARY OF OLIVIA TRAVELIN 2015!
Travelwith Olivia on one of these3 great
fun-filledlesbianvacations.
CALL (800) 631-6277 or VISIT OLIVIA.COM
Mention "CURVE100"
oliviaM
THE TRAVEL COMPANY FOR LESBIANS
CST#1009281040
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
•• •• ••
•e • • •.
... ... ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .
••
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
•••
... ... ...
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
••
••. . .
..• .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
.•. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
••
•
e
•
•
e
•
e
e
•
•
e
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
e
•
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
•
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e
•
•
e
•
•e •
e •
•e •
e
•
•
•
e
•• •
•
•
e
e
• e• •
e
•
e
•• •
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
•e •
e
•
•• •
.•• •..•
I
I
I
all started with a dare.
XBoi had just split from their (FXBoi's preferred pronoun)
revious band and was on the musical rebound when they
met Pizza Cupcake, who joked that FXBoi should write a
song about tribadism (aka scissoring). Inspired, FXBoi took the
challenge and ran with it. The result was "Tribadism," GAYmous'
first song.
Soon after, FXBoi was contacted by queer electro musician
Nicky Click, who wanted GAYmous to open for her. "I kind of
bluffed, because we didn't exist as a band-we only had this tribadism dare song," recalls FXBoi. And with that, Pizza Cupcake and
FXBoi not only had a brand-new band-they had to write a full
set, pull together some choreography, get costumes, and find backup dancers. And they had a big fat deadline to meet. "It was a great
deadline. It was super-motivating," says FXBoi. "You know how
queers operate, we're the ultimate procrastinators. We have to be
on the hot seat to get anything done;' jokes Pizza Cupcake.
The timing was perfect, and now GAYmous is performing to
packed houses all over the San Francisco Bay Area. Audiences can't
get enough of their newly coined genre, Bay Area Slut Step.
So aside from throbbing beats, explicit lyrics, and unapologetically queer topics, what makes a band Slut Step?''I think it's a little
bit flippant, but it gets the point across;' explains Pizza Cupcake.
We're trying to create an environment at our shows that's very pleasure-friendly and very shameless, in the true sense of the word.
"Some of my favorite parts of the show, in terms of the stage
act, are bringing different people onto the stage and dancing up on
them, because for some people they've never taken the stage in that
way, and owned their sexuality in such a public way. It's really fun to
watch people come out of their shells," they add.
And nothing quite brings them out of their shell like the
GAYmous crowd-pleaser"FIST U:'"I love performing that song;'
says Pizza Cupcake, "because it starts out slow and you're not sure
what it's really about, and just watching people's faces change. We
got to perform it at the New Parish, which is a venue in Oakland,
and just seeing everyone in the audience making these little fisting
hands, it felt really good:'
"Some people need to work on their technique!" jokes FXBoi.
While on the surface their songs may seem naughty and irreverent, what inspired them was nothing short of revolutionary. "One
68
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
of the things that was important
to me;' explains Pizza Cupcake,
"was being a lead singer who is
unapologetically queer and fat
and genderqueer, so when I got
together with FXBoi I really
wanted to write songs that were
fun and sexy,but what was always
going to be the undercurrent was
this gender revolution, and also
fat positivity.
"When I wrote this song with
FXBoi called 'Cross Dress for
Less; it's all about hitting on fat
girls in the 'activebottom' section,
and that felt like the real first
moment of being able to bring
together the comedy and the political content. I'm also greedy- I
just want lots of hot fat people
to come to our shows. So if we
write songs about them, maybe
they'll come out. [Laughs] I want
a huge, fat, sexy,queer fan base:'
And if you ask FXBoi, Pizza
Cupcake's plan is working,
''I've been in a lot of bands, and
I think our fans are the most
boner-worthy," they joke.
For both Pizza Cupcake,
who identifies as a 'genderqueer
femme;' and FXBoi, who identifies as a"long-haired butch;' playing with sociallyaccepted ideas of
gender and redefining feminism
are also important themes m
their music.
"We do try consciously to
de-center masculinity in a lot
of our songs;' says FXBoi. "We
definitely undermine it in a lot
of ways and center femininity
more, because we also feel that
that's something that doesn't
happen a lot in our community.
That's kind of a radical act in and
of itsel£'
''A lot of our songs are about
femme-on-femme desire and
non-normative beauty standards," says Pizza Cupcake.
"I feel like taking up space and
being on stage with people,
whether they're fat, or have a
queer gender, or just were not
given the same kind of sexual
attraction capital as other people, is really important."
This sentiment appears to be
resonating: The band has developed a rapidly growing fan
base, has a steady lineup of performance opportunities, and has
several exciting projects on the
horizon. None of this is lost on
FXBoi and Pizza Cupcake.
"I talk to FXBoi a lot about
our baby gay selves and what
they would've thought about us.
I think my baby gay self would
be shocked but also really proud,
so the attention is kind of weird,
but it's exciting;' says Pizza
Cupcake.
"My baby gay self would
have fainted;' laughs FXBoi. "If
I could've seen what is happening now-that I was going to be
in this awesome band with this
amazing, powerful lead singer,
and be dating a super-hot high
femme-I would've passed our:'
So what's next for GAYmousi>
"We're plotting a lot of things;'
says FXBoi. "We're making
our first music video, which
we've been shooting at the San
Francisco Armory. We have an
awesome team working with us:'
Pizza Cupcake chimes in:
''An all-queer production team,
which is really important and
awesome:'
"We're also working on our
first EP" says FXBoi. "We're
writing new songs. We're taking a little break from performing, but we'll be back:' And we'll
be here waiting when they do! •
......•....•..
• .• .•
•
S
"Sex workers are not allowed to
have bad days," Kitty Stryker says.
Admitting to a bad day means bad PR,
not for just one person but for the
whole profession. Putting a good face on things,
keeping up appearances, this is what's important.
It's also impossible. "Sooner or later;' she says,
"something has got to give:' For Stryker, something did.
Kitty Stryker is a former prostitute and porn
performer. She's also a blogger, a public speaker,
an activist, and now a PR consultant. When we first
spoke to her, in April of 2012, she seemed to have it
all: Her profile was rising and she was beating the
stigma of her night work to become a public figure.
She had a fiance, a girlfriend, and a supportive family.
She seemed confident, secure, and happy.
Six months later, she'd quit her job and been
dumped by all her significant others. For a moment,
she'd contemplated suicide. "I packed a bag with all
the medications I had and enough booze to sink a
ship;' she later wrote. Subsequently, she was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It was a stunning
turn. It was also inevitable-but
not, Stryker contends, for the reasons some people think. In fact,
to hear her tell it, those very assumptions about
her confidence and happiness were the problem to
begin with.
With Stryker, image is everything. That's how
the name Kitty Stryker even came into being. "I
decided on the seven-hour plane ride to California
that I didn't want to be Katie Fisher anymore;'
she says of her exodus at the age of 19 from
Massachusetts, where she'd grown up the child
of liberal activists. "In California nobody knew
me, so I could become whoever I wanted. I wrote
it all down on a piece of paper: 'Here's who Kitty
Stryker is, here's how she dresses, here's what she
does:" Except for her grandmother (who still calls
her Katie), there was nobody around to know the
difference.
In 2003, the newly minted Stryker answered
a Craigslist ad and became a pro-domme in San
Francisco, a job she calls "fun:' After moving to
London for a time, she branched out unequivocally into prostitution. In 2007, she began blogging
about her work and promoting various social
justice issues for queers and women, even speaking at South by Southwest, appearing on CNN,
and blogging for the Huflington Post. Her public
image was founded on a single edict: that there is
nothing inherently wrong with sex work, or being
queer, or being fat. It was an effective argument,
but it wasn't the whole story.
"I was fiercely defending my choices, while ignoring the problems in my personal life;' Stryker says.
Her success became a problem in itself: The more
effective an advocate she was, the less freedom she
had. When she began to feel trapped in an abusive
relationship, for example, she couldn't speak out for
fear that people would assume the abuse was related
to sex work (even though her partner at the time had
nothing to do with her job). Neither could she admit
to having body-image issues for fear that people would
assume they were because of her weight. Critics
might pounce on any admission of vulnerability, and
Stryker felt that people were counting on her not to
give an inch.
"Even when I did complain, people just said, 'But,
you're so strong: I would write about how amazing
my relationship was, and even as I wrote it I knew
it wasn't true-but this was my public image and I
needed to keep it up:' To be an effective advocate
means having to be almost perfect. Any flaws can be
exploited to discredit you. But ignore problems for
too long and they're bound to boil over. It's a no-win
situation that can trap queer-rights activists, feminists, and anyone else with an interest in changing the
2014
CURVE
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
status quo. Even now, there are people who will roll
their eyes at Stryker's insistence that her crisis had
nothing to do with her work; but Stryker doesn't see
it that way.
These days, Stryker markets herself as a consultant; when we last spoke, she was interviewing at
Yahoo, and TROUBLEfilms had just hired her to
head social media. She'd celebrated her 30th birthday
in January. Change, she says, is always hard.
When I heard about Stryker's problems, I found it
hard not to feel naive for too readily believing in her
outgoing public persona. But maybe the confident,
dynamic, outspoken Stryker really was the genuine
article; and maybe the vulnerable, uncertain, more
fragile Stryker was the real thing, too. Maybe the
problem with the world in general is our inability
to accept that she might be the one while still
remaining the other. (kittystryker.com) •
APRIL/MAY
...••.••
.•..•.
•...
..........
....•...•
......•....•..
..........
.• ....•..•
..........
...•...•..
....
..........
..........
....
.....•...•
. ..
•..•..•
.. •
•..•...
• ..
• •
.....•.....•..
•..•.
.• ...
.
.....
..•..•..•..•
.
.•....
.....•....•..
...
.• .•..•
• .• .•
..........
.....
.... .
......•....•..
.• ..
..••..••'
•...
..............
...••.••
.
......
.............
•..
•..
.•
....
.....•..•...
..........
....
...........
•..
...•.•..••.
.
......
.............
..........
•.
...•••..•••
..........
..
•..•..•.
....
...........
.•.•
......•....•..
.............•..
•
•
•
advocate means
l1aving to be almost
perfect. Any /laws
can be exploited to
discredit you.
But ignore problems
for too long
and tl1ey'1~ebound
to boil over."
71
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
..........
...............
..........
....•...•.''
.•...
...
....''
• • •
•
"To be an eJ1ective
'
•
•
•
•
•
•
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
FEATURES/
TR
H
idden Pond, Maine, is a sophisticated resort with
a rustic atmosphere, and all the amenities you
could wish for, making it easy to pamper your
tired, jaded body and soul. Named by Conde Nast Traveler
as one of the Top 20 Resorts in the Northeast for 2014 and
nominated for Travel & Leisure's2014 World's Best Award,
Hidden Pond offers you a private playground in beautiful
surroundings. Closed during the winter but re-opening in
May and set to blossom throughout spring, summer, and fall,
Hidden Pond is in the gentle and soothing Great Outdoors
that the Northeast is famous for.
Within an easy walk or bike ride of nearby Goose Rocks
Beach, where you can kayak or paddleboard by day and stargaze or watch the moon rise at night, Hidden Pond houses
you in an elegantly appointed and charmingly decorated cottage within its groves of birch and balsam trees. You may not
want to leave your home away from home to take advantage
of all the amenities, but you should.
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
73
Start your day with morning yoga at the Farm, a bucolically
landscaped pocket of tranquility where the gardener, Liz, grows
the flowers, veggies, herbs, and greens that are used onsite. Take
a guided hike or bike ride to Clark Preserve or Timber Point
(bikes are provided for all the guests to use). If you don't feel like
straying too far from "home;' wander through the nature trail at
Hidden Pond-or, better yet, do nothing at all except lounge on
your screened~in porch or in one of the two
heated pools, one for families and the other
just for adults. For the aquatically minded,
in Maine's gentle summer weeks, trans~
portation is provided to the nearby Tides
Beach Club, where you can have lunch on
the beach. But I confess my favorite thing
to do at Hidden Pond, when I visited in the
fall, was to sit in the evenings by one of the
two roaring bonfires-one
is at the main
lodge, the other at Earth restaurant-have
a glass of wine, make S'mores, and meet
new friends.
While families are welcome ( the fully
provisioned cottages generally have two
bedrooms), the accent in these cottages is on
romance. This is a paradise for lovers. You
can while away the hours on plush couches
and daybeds, or enhance your stay by taking
a painting lesson, learning about skin care
and beauty, or taking a mixology class (made easy by the compli~
mentary onsite "super shuttle;' which operates on an hourly loop
and ensures that the tipsy can find their way"home" with ease).
It wouldn't be a vacation without plenty to eat and drink. The
food at Hidden Pond is either grown organically onsite or locally
sourced, fresh and flavorful. The Sand Bar Grille and Back Porch
Bar serves robust burgers and authentic Maine lobster rolls, but
the warmly inviting Earth is really the culinary gem of this resort.
74
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Boston chef and James Beard Award-winner Ken Oringer has
executed a perfect"farm to fork" menu showcasing the best ingre~
dients, sourced from the Farm and Earth's own backyard. Local
dairy farmers, cheese makers, and Maine fisherman contribute
to Oringer's larder, as do the foraging chefs. While at Hidden
Pond, I was lucky enough to sample pickled mushrooms, which
had been plucked from a gigantic specimen of local wood mush~
room. Oringer's wood~fired pizzas are earthy and addictive, and
the cocktails served at the bar are equally inspired, incorporating
many fresh fruits, herbs, and flowers into clever recipes that taste
good and are good for you. If you feel like staying in, snuggled in
robes, book a private dinner, prepared by a Hidden Pond chef and
served in the comfort of your cottage. You can also self~cater with
provisions from the quaint General Store.
To feed and celebrate your body in another way, the Tree Spa
FEATURES/
at Hidden Pond, which is nestled in a beech forest, is the place
to spend an hour or two. Choose from a menu of massages and
other body and beauty treatments that also incorporate ingre~
dients picked from Hidden Pond's gardens, as well as Brenda
Brock's sustainable~beauty Farmaesthetic products. Say goodbye
to stress and get back in touch with your body's natural vitality.
Because Hidden Pond focuses on tranquility, pleasure, joy, and
natural essences, it may also be the perfect location for your wedding.
The airy and romantically rustic Event Barn, overlooking a beech
forest, can house your wedding ceremony, rehearsal dinner, or family
gathering for up to 80 guests. For a grander affair, the Farm may be
tented and can accommodate up to 200 guests. You could even con~
sider renting the entire property for your fairytale wedding.
TR
The true charm of this place lies in the fact that it's situated in
a pretty patch of Maine woodland, and yet it's owned and man~
aged by the luxe and upscale Kennebunkport Resort Collection,
so no expense has been spared in creating a tasteful ambience and
offering professional and courteous service from the young, local
staff, and an impressive flight of amenities, down to the fresh
orange juice and freshly baked quiches that are delivered to your
porch for breakfast each morning. Needless to say, I didn't want
to leave, but I take comfort in knowing that I can always return.
(hiddenpondmaine.com) •
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
75
Getting around
Jordon is easy, either
by signing up for a
bus tour or by hiring
a private car and
driver. As we took
in the seemingly
endless, mind-blowing
beauty hugging
both sides of our
bus, our Jordanian
guide, Kamel, broke
the serene silence:
"Jordon is a quiet
place surrounded by
a lot of noise."
Jordan borders Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Syria,
and Israel. Needless to say, those noisy
neighbors have greatly affected tourism
in Jordan of late. And this is nothing new.
The wars in the region have affected tourism here, off and on, for years.
Although not great for local Jordanians,
who rely heavily on the tourist industry,
this is a huge travel boon for you, as you
may have Petra (visitpetraJo) all to yoursel£ as my friend and I did by the end of
our first day there.
The last time I was in Jordan it was February of 2009. The key destinations were
heaving with tourists-especially
Petra,
the country's crown jewel. And no wonder. This UNESCO World Heritage site
(whc.unesco.org/ en/list/326),
and one
of the New Seven Wonders of the World
(new7wonders.com),
has been dubbed
one of the "28 Places to See Before You
Die;' by Smithsonian magazine.
I liked what I saw so much that I went
back for another glimpse. This time, I
caught sight of the ancient Treasury from
a different perspective, by climbing up
and into Petra rather than taking the long
evocative walk through the red-rock al-Siq, a
very narrow gorge,
at times no more
than
nine feet
wide. Petra's Treasury is dramatically revealed at the
end of it.
After our arduous,
90-minute
free-form scramble and climb into
Petra, we finally
got our first glimpse
of the Treasury
while we clung
to the cliff face
above it. It proved
to be equally dra-
matic. What was different this time was
that I felt I had earned a bit of the beauty
before me.
No matter what the angle of the reveal,
it is still unimaginable how this rock-cut
architecture was created, let alone how the
city sustained itself as early as 312 B.C.
Once it was the capital city of the Nabataeans, who were able to control the water
supply, thus enabling this city to thrive in
the desert.
There have been many rulers and influences since, which is apparent in the iconic
Nabataean and Greco-Roman
tombs.
One of the many benefits of the rough
climb into Petra is that it took us past
these tombs, as well as ancient dwellings,
amphitheaters, and artifacts.
We often shared our path with local
Bedouins, mainly children, cruising by us
on the back of donkeys and climbing up
the steep, smooth rocks with ease.
You can visit Petra on your own or with
a guide you hire in advance. Once you are
there, if the landscape feels too grand, you
can also shoot from the hip and hire a local
to take you around on a camel or a donkey
( more of this to follow).
Regardless of your choice, I recommend
that you end your day with another committed climb, up 800 steep steps to the
Monastery. While it is not as ornate as the
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
77
Treasury, it is still epic in size and appeal.
After a traditional Jordanian lunch, at
the restaurant just below the Monastery, I
convinced my friend to join me on the trek
up. I knew well enough that, as weary as
she was, she would not want to miss it. It
didn't take too much convincing.
What was immediately different to me,
years after I'd been there the first time, was
the silence on the steps. Almost no one
was going up or down. Due to the lack of
tourist traffic, there were almost no ven~
dors or locals to chat us up, as there had
been before.
That was one of my fondest memories
of Petra-all the local lures, the color and
the characters, on what seemed like every
step. Not until we were close to the top
did we finally stop to catch our breath, and
buy bangles from the one lone vendor.
Once we had climbed the 800 steps, my
friend and I took enough photos to fill a
gallery. After yet more climbing, above the
Monastery, we had views of neighboring
Israel. We chatted with a vendor, a beau~
tiful blond Finnish girl who had recently
married a local Bedouin. They lived in one
of the caves in Petra, as only a few still do.
She invited us to a cave party, which would
take place later that night. While we pon~
dered this unusual invitation, we set~
tled into the scene, ordered mint~infused
78
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
lemonades, and savored the historic scenery
and the golden sunset.
As the last of the light was leaving, it
cast dramatic shadows on the grand old
stone. We realized that we had had been
sitting in utter silence for what felt like an
hour.
Once the sun had set and a light
wind kicked in, we also realized that
we had Petra's iconic Monastery all
to ourselves. With the exception
of the vendors, it was just us. We
felt sinfully spoiled because we had
this unbelievable beauty and all this
architecture to ourselves. As deca~
dent as it was, we were riddled with guilt.
Where was everyone?
We actually didn't have a minute to
think it through. The day was quickly
turning into night and we had quite the
trek ahead of us. Before we could even
digest our soul~satisfying experience, we
were racing down the well~worn stairs.
Once we were at the bottom of the
steps, dusk was
nearly
gone.
I knew from
before that we
had more than
an hour's walk
ahead of us, to
and through al~
Siq, before we got
back to our hotel.
We stood in a sandy swirl of silence. I
had just said that what we really needed
were some four~legged friends when, as if
we were in a sequel to Romancing the Stone
(which took place in Petra), we suddenly
heard the clopping of hooves and two
young Bedouin boys appeared on their
donkeys, offering us a ride.
After a bit of negotiating-haggling
is
not only accepted but expected-we were
bouncing bareback on our respective don~
keys. Who knew they could gallop like a
horse? I held on tight to the tiny waist of
the boy in front of me.
We passed the Treasury, seen in yet
another light and on display for our en~
joyment only. We reluctantly galloped
on through the soft sand of al~Siq. It was
no longer blazing red, but a soft rose,
complemented by a breeze that bounced
coolly off the rock walls all around us.
The night was as peaceful and uninter~
rupted as I imagine it was 2,000 years
ago, and still is for the few who experi~
ence it in the present.
Every once in a while, my little guide
would punctuate the silence. In our
conversation, he showed some interest
in, but no envy for, the modern world.
He proudly said, "This is the life. We
have the life that everyone else wants:'
I smiled in silence. What could I say? •
MARKtT
Out!
InstantAccessto the
Nation'sTopGay&
LesbianRealtors.
fes clubs, restaurants
& more across the US,
canada Europe
&beyond
lus women s festlvals,
pride celebrations
leatherevents
film festivals
& more worldwidel
Seekinq responsible,
committed couple
comelintinf
L.
Finnish/French,
Lomin.[lo'-mon]
-verb
Caribbean translation relaxing
divorced,
seeks kind,~·
.
--.=.-•
~·~..Lil
Legal arriage,
Honeymoons
and Romantic Getaways
emotionallymature,
sandcastleonthebeach.com
1.800.524.2018
www.highlandsinn-nh.com
1-877-LES-B-INN
Pa...
contact meat
LookN4Momma@aol.com.
rainbowwarehouse.com.au
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
79
J
TLOOKtSTARS
Fools For Love
April stokes our desires with retrograde Mars in delicious
Libra and Venus in romantic Pisces. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
Warning! Relationships can
Lionesses can turn on the sexy
Sagittarians are tempted to
get extra complicated this
charm and attract any woman
hang around the house this
month. Are you asking her
they desire. Go hunting and
April because home and
for too much? Are your best
see who you can catch. You are
hearth are so comfortable.
moves missing the mark?
unstoppable and irresistible in
Give yourself time to enjoy
Actions speak louder and
April. For those in a committed
your surroundings. Invite a few
prouder than words, but don't
relationship, use the time to
bosom buddies over but keep
shout. For those lambda Rams
get close to your soulmate. Let
the invitation list short and
on the hoof, are you looking
her know how you feel and let
selective. Before you know it,
for love in all the wrong
your hands do the talking.
the masses descend upon your
wrong sort of grrl?
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
with a bevy of beauties. This is
Money is honey this April and
a bad thing?
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
that means the more you have
places? Are you attracting the
ARIES %
1/
1/
Modesty is not a strong 1/
suit with this gal so 1/
don't be surprised 1/
1/
if she hangs around 1/
the house in her all 1/
togethers-or less. 1/
But expect her usual 1/
1/
form to be more boxer 1/
shorts than a peekaboo 1/
lace teddy. The fire of 1/
1/
passion will always be 1/
there but it may be 1/
camouflaged in flannel. 1/
1/
Hey honey, pass the 1/
beer! Yeah, I love you 1/
too. Burp! Make her 1/
jealous, nervous or 1/
1/
unsure and she'll dress 1/
in peel away zippered 1/
black leather for you, 1/
1/
just to make sure that 1/
you notice and still care. 1/
What a charmer! 1/
1/
1/
1/
1/
1/
1/
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor1/
of HerScopes:
A Guide
toAstrology1/
1/
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-1/
1/
tinyurl.
com/HerScopes.
1/,
Nowavailable
asanebook.1/
(March 21-April 20)
80
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
door and your home is overrun
Girlfriends are a welcome
the better. Of course there is
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
break from the daily grind of
a certain diminishing return-
You have the gift of gab this
the job but don't let things pile
spending too much time on it,
April. Use it to your advantage
up on your desk for too long.
working too hard for it and not
especially in your career.
You can easily charm the
Dreary and detailed tasks are
being able to enjoy it enough.
coming in fast and furious.
So resolve to find the happy
corporate sharks and glide to
Your job could get complicated
balance and share it with a
the top of the class. But don't
and out of control. Better still,
certain you-know-who. Spoil
do anything subversive or
try and mix work with fun
her and she will spoil you.
whenever you can.
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
manipulative. Just smile,
charm and take an extended
lunch break.
While Libras have great
The big bosses love you. Not
reserves of energy this April,
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
only do you shine and brim
dole out your attentions
Think of what is important to
with great ideas, you have a
carefully. There's a chance
you and how you are going to
certain charisma that is at once
that you will bowl over those
achieve your goals this April.
disarming and dangerously
you don't know well. Make
Money comes easily and can
calculating. Pour it on for all it's
an excellent first impression
grease the way for Aqueerians'
worth Gemini. This is the time
and launch your ideas onto
personal needs. Enjoy your
to get your pay stub massaged
profitable paths with a low-key,
gotten gains and be very
and expanded. Once you
quietly persuasive delivery.
creative in how you spend it.
have the extra funds, funnel
Knock 'em down and drag 'em
You attract many delightful
your charm into more fun
around in May.
enterprises.
admirers. But do they love you
for yourself or for your money?
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
There is so much ruckus going
Pisces (Feb. 20-March. 20)
Travel brings spicy romance
on behind the scenes that you
Guppies have personality
especially if you approach it
will surely be tipped off to any
plus, and can showcase their
creatively and openly. That
shenanigans. But maybe that
considerable talents to new
means that the more exotic
is part of the fun? April is party
influential ladies. Make the
the destination, the better. You
month for Scorpios who make
rounds. Show it, strut it and
sell it while your energy is
never know what adventures
a shocking appearance around
are in store for you in some
the social circuit. Don't sit at
high. Before you know it, this
exotic cove or nook. Who
home waiting for a delivery.
showcasing could zap your
knows? You may also travel
Get out and deliver a bit of the
energy. You will need to find a
through May and June.
merriment yourself.
way to recharge and relax.•
Also, now available,
the LG G Flexfrom AT&T.
• 6-inch curved OLED display for immersive viewing
• 73 MP high-performance camera captures picture perfect moments
Order Now!
www.att.com/curve
1.877.437.1007
8
beotSMUSIC
~at&t
*Limited
timefreeoffer.
Avail.
tonewBeats
Music
Family
subscribers
onanAT&T
wireless
multi-line
acct.
5users
across
10devices.
Unless
youcancel,
after90days;
youwillautomatically
becharged
$14.99/month
onyourAT&T
wireless
bill.Cancel
anytime.
Data
rates
&taxes
mayapply.
Toview,
modify
orcancel
yoursubscription
gotoatt.com/mobilepurchases.
Unlimited
Downloads:
Noaccess
todownloads
afterservice
cancellation.
Downloading
&
© 2014
AT&T
Intellectual
Property.
Allrights
reserved.
streaming
over
thewireless
network
mayuseexcess
data
&incur
large
data
charges.
Forfullterms
visitbeatsmusic.com/legal
Beats
Music
isatrademark
ofBeats
Music,
LLC.
July
1-7,
2014I www.FamilyOutFest.com
I Orlando,
Florida
I #Fami/yOutfest
MEDIA
PRESENTING
SPONSORS~~
•
YclWJ
C:YI~-~
~~§~~Q~.! 9?.'.:~~~ DE~~oNs
• PRICEBASEDONA2-NIGHTHOTELSTAYFORAFAMILYOFFOUR.
t:ii'\
'~
=~~~~:::
W~~
nlcKelodeonSUITESt(
*macys
C@y __.m-etrt.
ArnEcolNEiorttAmrnrnur-RE
so
R r-
See all items with this value
-
o
74470
80539
APRIL/MAY
2014
COVER PHOTO BY DEBORA SPENCER
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
1
APRIL/MAY
2014
13
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IN EVERYISSUE
6
EDITOR'S NOTE
8
FEEDBACK
9
CURVETTES
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 THIS IS WHAT A
LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE
Our monthly profile of the
hottest and most talented
queer girls around.
28
12 BEAUTY
Beauty pioneer Brenda Brock
makes natural, organic, crueltyfree lotions for face and body.
13
HOT PICKS
14
LESBOFILE
15
SHE SAID
VIEWS
16
OUT IN FRONT
18 POLITICS
Taking care of our bodies as
we age is a necessary and
political act. By Victoria A.
Brown worth
20 THE TWO OF US
Our monthly profile of captivating lesbian couples who
live, love and work together.
22
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
24
ADVICE: FITNESS
No matter what your body
type, size or shape, keeping
fit is about mind over matter.
By Anne Neczypor
2
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
FILM
Sex After Kids is a must-see
movie. By Dar Dowling
32 MUSIC
A preview of Amy Ray's
hot new album. By Sarah Terez
Rosenblum
34 BOOKS
Our hottest picks for between
the covers this month.
Curve's online selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
DELECTABLEDINAH
SAVEOUR YOUTH
Go behind the scenes of Girl Bar and
A new study led by Margaret
Truck Stop Girlz' Dinah Vegas 2014. In
Rosario, professor of psychol-
association with Total Rewards by Caesars
ogy at City College of New York,
Entertainment, Vegas glitters for the third
has found that LGBT youths are
year in a row with thousands of lesbians
more likely to engage in behaviors
reveling in non-stop entertainment,
associated with cancer risk than
cool
cocktail culture, gourmet dining and gaming
heterosexuals. Read more about
in the iconic city that never sleeps.
how we can protect our futures by
becoming aware of the 12 cancerrisk behaviors.
MEET
THE
BLOGGERS
CURVEMOVIE NIGHT
Put on the popcorn, plump up the pillows, and
cuddle up with your cutie on Friday and Sunday
nights to enjoy the latest lesbian flick at a low
pay-per-view rate.
THE HOTTESTLICKS
What's new in lesbian music? We present the latest
videos and reviews featuring everyone from A-List
lesbian musos to up-and-coming singer-songwriters.
Check out Hannah & Maggie and their new single, now!
4
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
We have some of the
leading voices in our
community sharing
their thoughts on
love and romance,
parenting and
politics, and sex and
spirituality-not to
mention our huge
collection of
lesbian fandom.
Fallinlove
with Britai
ora warm welcome,
fabulousvacation and
experiencesyou'll cherish
forever,cometo Britain.
We'recelebratingequal love
and you're invited.
RONT!MERRYN'S
MEMO
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
Bodies lle llt111I
f you're reading this, I'm going to assume that you're a woman and you're
familiar with a number of women's magazines. If that's the case, then
you've probably already experienced a lifetime of negative messages about
your body, which will have informed the image you have of your physical
presence in this world.
Conventional feminist wisdom has it that lesbians are more immune to feeling
bad about their bodies than their heterosexual sisters are. But to be honest with
you, I have never been to bed with any woman who is 100 percent happy with her
body, and that saddens me. Where do these negative images come from-the media
that I am part of r
It gives me and our team at Curve a lot of pleasure to deliver you our Body issue.
In it we hope to redress the balance of all the negativity in the mainstream women's
press, and offer you some helpful and
healthy views of our own. But I wish that
putting a positive spin on the diversity of
female physiques were as easy to achieve
as it was to put this issue together.
Even our beautiful, talented, and
I
successful cover girl, Mary Lambert, who
recently garnered mainstream attention
with her soulful rendition of"She Keeps
Me Warm" during the "Same Love"
medley at the 2014 Grammy Awards,
has suffered from body-image issues
since the age of 9. In our interview with
Lambert, to celebrate the release of her
EP, Welcometo the Age of My Body, she
reveals her struggle with body shame
and suicidal thoughts. In fact, statistics
show that many queer women have a
difficult relationship with their bodies, and this negative view is reinforced by social
inequities. According to WomensHealth.gov, lesbians and bisexual women are more
likely to be unfit, to smoke, drink, and suffer from depression and anxiety. Due to
the invisibility of and discrimination against lesbians in the medical profession,
we are less likely to get routine screenings that detect cancer. And due to the legal
and financial inequities that leave us without comprehensive health insurance, the
average lesbian body is not very well attended to.
While we are women who desire other women, we should be vigilant about
loving our own bodies too. I certainly love Mary Lambert's current state of
happiness, which proves that whatever your body type or history, this can be a new
age for you and for your body.
~·
MERZ
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
APRIL/MAY
2014
»
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
VOLUME
24 NUMBER
PUBLISHERSilke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGINGEDITOR Rachel Shatto
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Jillian Eugenics, Sheryl Kay, Stephanie
Schroeder
EDITORIAL
ASSISTANTCygnus Fogle, William Northup
PROOFREADERElizabeth Harper
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
EVENTS& MEDIA RELATIONSCOORDINATOR Robin Perron
ADVERTISING
CURVE'SMEDIA KIT ourmediakit.com
NATIONALSALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvema9azine.com
BUSINESSDEVELOPMENT
Sallyanne Monti (510) 545-4986, sallyanne@curvemag,com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Graham Jones, Meghan Musalo
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam L
Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Traci
Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Elizabeth Estochen, Jill
Goldstein, Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman,
Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Emelina Minero, Laurie K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder,
Janelle Sorenson, Rosanna Rios-Spicer, Allison Steinberg,
Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks,
Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Alex Styles, Meagan Cignoli,
Sophia Hantzes, Janet Mayer, Syd London, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE(415) 871-0569
FAX (510) 380-7487
ADVERTISINGSALES(415) 692-5420
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070
(toll-free in us only)
► Digital Subscription
(818) 286-3102 (outside US)
available for CurvePlus on SiPad •~•nk,ndle ► Google~,y
ADVERTISINGEMAIL advertising@curvemag.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 24 Issue 3 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 8
times per year (January/February, March, April/May, June, July/
August, September, October, November/December) by Avalon
Media, LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034, Subscription price:
$59,90/year, $59,90 Canadian (U,S, funds only) and $89,95
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed
a $25 surcharge, Periodicals postage paid at New York 10034
and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355), Contents of
Curve may not be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in
part, without written permission from the publisher. Publication
of the name or photograph of any persons or organizations
appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be taken as an
indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or group unless
specifically stated, Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited
manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any
representation only signifies insufficient materials, Submissions
cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope
is included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages.
The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions of the
editor, unless specifically stated, All magazines sent discreetly,
Subscription Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC.,
PO Box 467 New York NY 10034, email crvcs@magserv,com,
Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029, Postmaster: Send
Canadian address changes to crvcs@magserv.com, Curve, PO
Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8, Send U,S, address changes to
crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,
CA 91615-7138.Printed in the U.S.
curvemag.com
6
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
3
Fallin love
with Brf
POST
ON
FACEBOOK!
The
best
comment
posted
each
month
could
winyou
afree
digital
subscription!
Posts from our Facebook fans
Thanks for your "Local
Lesbians" section in the latest
issue of Curve [Vol. 24#2]. I
thoroughly enjoyed reading
about different women doing
interesting things around the
country and contributing to
the lesbian travel~sphere.
-Janice Duke,
Northampton, Mass.
Lesbian Inspiration
Thank you Curve magazine
for this lovely profile high~
lighting the work Global
Volunteers LGBT Volunteer
Vacations is doing to provide
the LGBT community a safe
way to volunteer around the
world, wipe out prejudice, be
immersed in another culture
and have lots of fun while
contributing to the greater
good! -Linda Schlapp,
You Are Not Alone
I just wanted to tell every~
one at Curve that you have
meant so much to me. I have
struggled with my sexuality
for years and ended up in a
horribly abusive marriage
because of my fear and self
doubt. Curve helped me find
my way through coming out,
leaving a marriage that was
destroying me and finding
love with the right person. No
matter what is going on in life
I know that grabbing a Curve
is going to help me feel like
I have friends out there. To
someone who felt isolated for
so long, that means so much.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
facebook.com/curvemag
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Tegan& Sara hit a high note
Aaack! Lovethem.
-Emily Green
Lovethese two!!
-Bobbi Adams-Lloyd
Teganand Sara •••
Haveto buy it!!
Uh no. Their hair is
fabulous as fuck
Rebecca.T&S are
flawless.
- Jessica Chaides
Haveto buy this one!!
-zelKoc;ak
-Emilie Delacoeur
Lookingforward to this copy
in the mail!
Ahhh, JUSTgot the
-Alicia Gilbertson
I love your sound
-Terry Johnson
Must have this to add
to my collection!!!
last issue in the mail
today, already looking
forward to reading
the new issue!
-Shannon Ferguson
Mah fave twins lol
-Kristen Larres
-AilinAtik
Their hair needs
some help. lol.
-Milagros Sanchez Pintado
Cometo Peru t&s
-Rebecca L. Burkhart
Maybe on some levels you
So thank you. From the very
feel you are just putting out
bottom of my heart. -Jessica
Lezman, Jenison, Mich.
a great magazine for lesbians
but to me on several occasions,
Curve felt like the only thing
Editor's Note: From the
bottom of our hearts we thank
saving me. The idea that other
New York, N.Y.
women are out there just like
you for reading Curve and hope
that it continues to support
me who are making it past
you for many years to come!
the struggle kept me going.
fi•)1@========================================================================:::::::::::::::::::::::H
HOW
WOULD
YOU
FEEL
IFYOUR
PARTNER
CAME
OUT
AS
TRANS
OR
GENDEROUEER?
15%
High-five,gender
is so last decade
21%
Turnedoff
WRITE
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
letters@curvemagazine.com
LISI 510.380.7487
curvemag.com/letters
Send to:
Email:
Fax:
8
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
Online:
2014
Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/customerservice.
✓ subscribe
✓ pay your bill
✓ change address
✓ renew
✓ get missing issues
✓ give a gift
UP FRONT/
GALADRIEL MOZEE &
SONDRA SOLOVAY
Galadriel Mozee is a multiracial
black fat stemme plant
whisperer, storywriter, artist,
and jam maker fighting for
fat/food justice in Portland,
Ore., one homegrown homecooked meal at a time. For
this issue Galadriel teamed
up with fellow fat activist
Sondra Solovay for a piece
on queer women of color in
the fat acceptance movement
in "Intersection" on page 64.
Sondra is a crafty lawyer who
co-edited The Fat Studies
Reader and wrote Tipping the
Sea/es of Justice: Fighting
Weight-Based Discrimination.
She is the director of content
at Workplace Answers and lives
in Oakland, Calif.
LILIA SCHWARTZ
CYGNUS FOGLE
Lilia Schwartz is a queer-fatactivist-photographer-geek
based in the San Francisco Bay
Area. She believes that true
love, glitter, and boardgames
can save the universe. She is
tickled to have shot the gaggle
of glamorous gals for our Size
Queen and Rowdy Baubles
fashion spread (page 41), as
well as the buxom beauties of
Rubenesque Burlesque (page
60), for this issue. For more of
Lilia's work check find her on
lnstagram under the
name pumpkinoodle.
Cygnus used to believe that
once having opened a picture
book, they could just jump
onto the picture and enter
the story. Today they live in
Baltimore where they continue
to jump into books, write mad
stories and articles, make
art and leave trails of glitter
wherever they go. They've had
the privilege of interviewing
and cracking jokes with the
likes of Murray Hill for this issue
(page 26). A hopeful journalist,
poet and mark-maker, they are
not without aspirations-but
for now Cygnus is enjoying
drawing comics, fact-checking
articles, manipulating
language, creating glitter mixes
and flouting the gender binary.
cu RVET
ROSANNA RIOSSPICER
Rosanna is a lesbian Chicana
who hails from California and
currently resides in N.Y.C.She's
working on several writing
projects including co-writing
and producing a short film
with her partner of five
years. She likes to ponder
on the political and personal
intersections of gender, race,
class and other marginalized
identities. In this issue Rosanna
interviews Burlycon organizer
Indigo Blue on page 56.
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
9
NDS/
THE GAYDAR
p
~~ THEGAYDAR
Takes one to know one? Let our gaydar help
~ you decide who's hot, who's not, who's
~ shaking it and who's faking 1tin lesboland.
~
Zombie-kind gets the
honorary lezzie nod
this month, thanks to a
history-making undeadlady-on-undead-lady
makeout sesh, on Conan
BY RACHEL SHATTO
~
Summoned from the depths
of 2003, the fauxmo-sexual
duo t.A.T.u. kicks off the Sochi
Olympics with a performance,
and reminds us why we forgot
them to begin with
Google does us proud with
their anti-discrimination,
rainbow-colored Olympic
Jennifer Aniston is going
movie gay again with
the revival of her maneating role from Horrible
Bosses. Except this time
around she's going to
be a real woman-eater ...
well, you know what
doodlel
We're shocked and
chagrined that
even with a cast
like Christina Ricci
and Clea DuVall,
Lifetime's Lizzie
Borden Took An Axe
practically ignores
the fact that Borden
was a real lady
killer-if ya know
what we mean
Disney
introduces
the network's
first-ever
lesbian couple
on Goodl.uck
Charlie. Good
Luck? More
like Good
Work, Disney!
Congrats to
all the queer
Olympians
who brought
home medals
from Sochi,
in particular
speedskater
lreen Wust (right)
who was the
Ji
first openly gay f4
athlete to earn
the gold in this
year's event
Fire up the celebratory
bagpipes! Scotland says
"aye" to marriage equality.
(Barely resisting the urge to
make Braveheart references
here)
Yep! She's gay. Our other
favorite Ellen-Ellen Pagesurprises and thrills us by
coming out!
1
In casting news that
has us chomping at the
bit, both Margaret Cho
and Fortune Feimster
have signed on to
Tina Fey's new series
Cabot College. How
do we apply for early
enrollment?
10
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Ukewea,en't
already counting
down the days
until season two of
OITNB, now Tank
Girl ...err...Lori Petty
joins the cast
[ Shakira and
Rihanna team
up for "Can't
Remember to
Forget You" and
the video is so
smoking hot we
couldn't forget
it, even if we
wanted to
Sapphic geeks
pay attention,
rumor has it the
Sailor Moon
reboot we've
be waiting for is
going to be super
gay, just like the
original manga.
Sailor Uranus and
Neptune, forever!
>-
ff-
WJ
Cl.
~
0
0
0
:s:
Q
~
0
Nost
BEAUTY
Be Radiant
FARMAESTHETICS'FOUNDERBRENDABROCKCREATES
BEAUTYCHEMISTRYIN THE KITCHEN.BYFIONA
DAWSON
P1~c1Ja1~ations.
Xot 1n~oducts,but
1n~c1uu~ations.
That is what makes Brenda Brock's
Rhode Island-based apothecary style
skincare line, Farmaesthetics, so
delightfully unique. Brock learned from
the best-seven generations of hardworking women who knew how to use
chemistry in the kitchen. She translates
their recipes with herbs, flowers, oils
and grains to create organic, 100
percent natural applications to meet our
skincare needs. The result is certified
2-year shelf-life formulations without
utilizing any synthesized compounds.
And absolutely no animal testing. Ever.
(farmaesthetics.com)
t. Complexion
Consc1•yc
In addition to preserving
and restoring cells under
the eyes or on your face,
Complexion Conserve
helps you sleep well at
night knowing that this
elixir is firming the telltale
signs of aging through
an intense moisture
application, especially on
your neck. ($52)
f'armaesthetics·
ComplexionConsent
11irrll~l,wrum
forfinninif1«!"
Need a refreshing pick me
up? This lightly fragrant spray
purifies and hydrates with a
romance reminiscent of the
1930s, proving that effective
skincare can be timeless. ($26)
...,..-knt,• ~kin•• nitlural ttp.111'!"'
::::r
;T,..,-i..-.,,:lO;L
12
Beauty
CURVE
n11Jo11"il'nnanu11auoe.r,.
IL!tu,..,drhydr.tedor,un-da_.
Powerful enough for waterproof
mascara yet with the soothing
properties of chamomile in
simple sweet almond oil. We
love that this preparation is also
a remedy for puffiness, wrinkles
and eyestrain. ($25)
APRIL/MAY
2014
J, dl~W-'l,N
a.Classic
~t.E~·chright E~·c
J Ialicup Rcmoycr
Sustainable
"'ro~ie-r
This powerful yet gentle preparation
is certainly Brock's "herbal ode to
Vick's VapoRub." The heat-producing
essential oils give a satisfying
chest release and relax tired and
sore muscles. Brilliant for a caring
massage on tired shoulders! ($25)
0. Pm•c
Complexion
Tonic
Guarantee a glow wherever you go with
a regime that restores health to any
complexion. You'll fall especially in love
with the Nourishing Lavender Milk, which
will become a staple in your routine-at
home and away. ($35)
Eyi-rria.kevp Removtr
1ts~01'1f~
2. Dcc1>LaYcmlcr Rub
5. LaYcndcr Htcial To Go
~~~
:armaesthetics
r
Farmaesthetics'
___
lint~~
Farmaesthetics
J 'l1'l.iJk
~cl;'~
oe,~
-!J.,,f.c,.c.n
Sustainable
Beauty
bf,_..!_O<<omo,Ch,
Rhode
U'.'.:,
---...e..:..:.c_:_::;_-
Feel every pore
completely cleansed
and toned with herbal
ingredients Mother
Nature surely made
just for our faces.
Once empty, parting
with the beautiful blue
glass bottle will be so
hard you may end up
with a collection! ($27)
"'atcrs
TRENDS/
HOT Pl
CROPTOP
REBELLION
Aussie designer Gisela Ramirez created
this cheeky crop top for anyone who has
ever been told they can't wear something
simply because it's not "flattering." Well
intentioned or not, this is really just code
for: you are not adhering to a traditional
beauty standard and that makes us
unfomfortable. Well you know whatf*ck that. (giselaramirez.com.au)
Wet For Her-the sex toy company created by lesbians, for lesbiansmake it their mission to develop toys with girl-on-girl action front and
center. The Fusion is their latest creation. This unique dildo is designed
to provide pleasure to both partners at the same time, without all the
phallic clunkiness of a double dildo. The ergonomic base has a clitoral
pleasure point specifically designed for pleasuring the wearer while
penetrating her partner. Available in three colors and sizes, the Fusion
is made with 100 percent soft and silky silicone and is phthalates-free.
It's much more than a rubber dick-it's
Twice the
how strap-on sex was meant to
be. Hello, simultaneous orgasms! (wetforher.com)
Pleasure
Strap-on sex gets a boost
from this ergonomic,
lesbian-engineered dildo.
BY MELANIE BARKER
fusion
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
13
NDStGOSSIP
Michelle Rodriguez
p
~ LESBOFILE
~
~
Michelle and Cara hook up, Laura Jane rocks out
and proud, and Robin finds her happy ending.
~
BY JOCELYN VOO
Bad Girls Club
If the world didn't know that Hollywood
bad girl Michelle Rodriguez and British
supermodel Cara Delevingne were an item
(um, did you miss their drunken front-row
tonguing at the Knicks game this past
January?), you certainly will know them
when they co-star in the Thelma and Louise
remake.
having different experiences of partnership
Yes, you read that right.
and aren't sure how to celebrate (or even
While Rodriguez was poised for the film,
what to call) these different kinds of love."
the identity of her co-star was uncertain
Bella's point? It's not about what your
for a time. Sources say actors like Kristen
status is; it's how you feel about it. And is
Stewart and Leighton Meester were up for
she happy? Yes, you could say she's very
the role, but Rodriguez made a heavy pitch
happy.
for Delevingne to star opposite.
Chemistry on and off the set? We'll see
if the film-or
just their relationship-ends
with a cliff dive.
What a Knockout
She's a Hit
A Happy Ending
Rock 'n' roll and homosexuality? Laura Jane
Roughly one year ago, Robin Roberts took
Grace, Against Me!'s trans frontwoman is
hiatus from the Today Show anchor desk
putting it front and center with their new
to deal with a troubling recent diagnosis:
album, Transgender Dysphoria Blues.
myelodysplastic syndrome, a rare blood
disorder. Now, Roberts returns to the show,
Add one more to the list of out and proud
"To me, it feels like there's real momen-
athletes: Professional Argentine boxer Ana
tum. Within the trans community, more and
with a list of people she is thankful for-not
Laura Esteche, known better to her fans as
more people are becoming visible," says
the least of which is her longtime lady.
La Monita, thanked "[her] woman" during
Grace, who came out in 2012. "I just want
"My year-end [Facebook] post was just
her post-World Boxing Association champi-
to be a part of that, and push that momen-
full of gratitude and just telling everyone all
onship win.
tum. I'm a musician, I'm in a band, and I put
that I'm grateful for, including my girlfriend
out records, that's what I do. That's what
Amber who really loved me through a very
I'm always going to do."
difficult year," Roberts said on GMA. "I'm
The light welterweight fighter's shoutout to girlfriend Johanna "Yoki" Gimenez,
also a professional boxer, was not brief,
And she's succeeding. Grace's new
very happy for the support and it's just
describing how she would unfailingly help
record has broken into the Billboard 200
letting everybody know to reflect on what
her train to be in peak condition. "To be
in the Top 25, and the band has graced the
got you to where you are right now and be
sincere, I am very happy to have a woman
stage on David Letterman.
grateful for where you are."•
like that," Esteche told ESPN.
Maria's Modern Family
What a knockout!
Prisoners actor Maria Bello made waves in
December when she penned her coming
out piece in the New York Times, declaring
her sexuality as more "whatever" than a
precise label. But though media trumpeted
her new lady relationship as the crux, the
public reacted more to her sentiment:
"As I saw the thousands of blog posts,
tweets, emails, letters and media articles, I
realized that there are many more 'modern
families' than I had thought," she wrote in a
follow-up Times piece. "A lot of people are
14
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
TRENDS/SHE
""
~0
g
>>>w
<.'.)
z0
~
3:
<..i
~
<(
:::i
~
"Women are
the sweet nectar
of this earth. I'm quite
mesmerized and infatuated by
w
~
~
:::i
9:
(/)
w
~>w
(/)
0
z
:::;
many, particularly
Evan Rachel
Wood ... It certainly helps playing
my character when I love and
adore women so much."
-Rookie Blue star
Charlotte Sullivan to
NY Castings
s
st
•I
PROFILE
rINCASE
~
Lauren Hasten
California
» Education
Lauren Hasten came out in the late 1980sbefore her idols Melissa Etheridge, Rosie
O'Donnell, and Ellen DeGeneres-and
because
the world was a different place back then, she
expected the worst. "There was nothing cool
about being gay," she says. "People stayed in
the closet for fear of destroying their reputations and careers."
Hasten came out because she refused
to live a life of lies and secrets. But as she
worked her way up as a sound engineer in
YOU
MISSED
I ~;~~i~l~~~~h~~:~:~i~!:~t~~~~~~~},~
casting of Shakira's steamy music video "Can't
Remember to Forget You," which features her
and Rihanna cheek to cheek, in every sense of
the word. Ramirez says, "Shakira's new video is a
shameless case for lesbianism and immorality. It
is a danger to children."
the recording industry, she found that being
openly gay was almost a positive, especially
because she identifies as butch.
"I couldn't be objectified, so I was an equal,
just another one of the guys."
It was while she was remastering an ancient
Burl Ives Christmas album, about 15 years ago,
that she decided she needed to rethink her
career choice and went back to school. While
she was working toward a master's degree in
anthropology at Columbia University, Hasten
was influenced by Jennie Livingston's film,
DISNEY
CHANNELS
GOOD
Luck Charlie featured lesbian
moms In a recent story line A
spokesperson for the channel
said the episode was "developed
to be relevant to kids and
families around the world, and
to reflect themes of d1vers1ty
and 1nclus1veness" Conservative
groups such as One Million Moms
are outraged over the 1nclus1on
of LGBT fam1l1esIn children's
programming
Paris /s Burning, and set out to cover the
drag king community. Her resulting exploration, "Gender Pretenders: A Drag King
Ethnography," was awarded the Kenneth
Payne Prize for best student paper by the
Society of Lesbian and Gay Anthropologists.
The paper was the first anthropological study
of its kind, and it has since become the foundation for several college courses. Over the
years, Hasten has seen contemporary queer
culture move forward. "I recognize that there
are still challenges, but I'm thrilled to live in a
time that saw the repeal of anti-sodomy laws,
and the rise of gay marriage," she says.
In addition to teaching at Las Positas
College in the San Francisco Bay Area, Hasten
is now working on a series of anthropology
books for young readers. -Sheryl
16
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Kay
HONG
KONG
REAL
ESTATE
tycoon Cecil Chao, who promised
1 b1ll1onHong Kong dollars to any
man who would marry his out
lesbian daughter, G1g1Chao, has
withdrawn his offer G1g1Chao
published an open letter to her
father asking him to accept her
sexuality, and her long-term
female partner, Sean Eav Cecil
Chao told the press, "If G1g1says
that this Is what she chooses, then
it's all over I can't say I am happy
with her choice"
COURTNEY
LOUISE
JARRELL,
a 23-year-old Utah high school
teacher, has pleaded guilty to
having a sexual relat1onsh1pwith a
17-year-old female student Jarrell
agreed to plead guilty to three
counts of misdemeanor sexual
battery, and lose her teaching
license, rather than risk doing Jail
time Jarrell's attorney claims that
the relat1onsh1pwas consensual,
that because they were so close
In age It was not illegal, and that
SIXSIBLINGS
INENGLAND
have been arrested after
attempting to kidnap Sarah
Hamson, the girlfriend of one
of their sisters, Nazma Ditta
The s1bl1ngs,threatened to kill
the g1rlfr1endbecause she had
"messed with the wrong Muslims"
The s1bl1ngsphysically attacked
Hamson outside of her work and
they have been sentenced to
Jail A restraInIng order Is now
THE LARGESTGIRL PARTYMUSIC FESTIVALIN THE WORLD
Saturday
TEGAN& SARA____
Headline
The Dinah
Shore
Weekend
ISH
ILEY.........
---.............
THE DINAH. 5 DAYS OF PARTIES, CONCERTS, COMEDY AND FILM. BE THERE.
Hilton is sold out, Book on line now. The Saguaro, Courtyard Marriot, The Marquis and The Renaissance.
Tickets on sale right now at the best available price. TheDinah.com
Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend
Q@DinahShore
QrheDinah
(;jDinahShore
POLITICS
»
ADVICE»
COMMUNITY»
POLITICS»
Growing Older, With Grace
Our lives only go in one direction so let's make the most of it.
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
They say 50 is the new 40. It isn't. It's just a different 50. I'm not
50-1 am, as we say, 50ish. Mid~50s. Anything but the actual
number.
I had a birthday at the end of February and I have never been
so aware of aging. Oprah turned 60 a month before my birthday.
Oprah. 60. She did what Oprah does, said it was fabulous and
freeing and wonderful. Just like she did when she turned 50. But
I could suddenly see that age was beginning to set in her face,
around her eyes, in that crease on the right side of her face where
she must sleep every night, because I have a small one myself, on
my left side.
Two weeks before Oprah's birthday, Michelle Obama turned
50. She had her dance party at the White House. She looked fan~
tastic. She held up her AARP card for the cameras. When I look
at Michelle Obama, I think maybe 50 is the new 40.
18
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
In the weeks and months before my birthday I had written
what seemed like a plethora of obituaries of women writers, notable
among them Doris Lessing and Maxine Kumin. They were each
88 at their respective deaths and I thought, as one does, if I live
that long, how many years do I have left?
The fact is, 50 is a demarcation. I saw that vividly between Mrs.
Obama and Oprah. That decade difference is significant. At 50,
you can still claim middle age, even though you've crossed an in~
visible line. Yet 50 still puts you on the downward spiral. More
years have passed than you have left to live. It needn't be fast-it's
not a plummet from 50 to 80. But you know the years you have
left, however many they are, will be fraught at some point by illness,
infirmity and frailty. That itself is daunting.
My partner and I are the same age. We went to high school
together. I am a month older than she. So we are aging together.
VIEWS/POLI
Just as we grew up together. We've known
each other since we were fresh-faced, longhaired, mini-skirted 14-year-olds. We were
lovers in high school, briefly. Then again in
college, briefly. And in this, our final incarnation, we celebrated our 15th anniversary
as the first lady was turning 50.
I remember my partner's young body
as I remember my own. There are photos
all over the house of me at various ages,
from baby to toddler, grade school to high
school, college and beyond. My hair was
white blonde in the early photos, then
a deeper honey blonde. Now it is white
blonde again, the front white, underneath
the color it was when I was younger.
I learned early that the sun and I would
never get along, so my skin is remarkably
unlined, except for that small sleep crease
and a small furrow between my eyebrows.
But despite the good skin I inherited from
my mother, I know I look my age or close
to it, as does my partner. Because 50 really
isn't the new 40, and we are aging.
I'd like to say I'm fine with getting older,
that heading into menopause doesn't make
me feel some sadness, along with the hot
flashes. I'd like to say I didn't wish I looked
closer to 40 than 50. I'd like to read from
Oprah's script. Or the First Lady's.
I'm trying. I hear a clock ticking in the
distance and I feel that I need to meet its
challenge. Stuff my life as full as I can. But
maybe I need to let life stuff me full.
I've got time.
Here's how 50 is the new 40: Women
are living longer. U.S. mortality statistics
now give women a life expectancy of 82
years. In 1930, that number was vastly different: 60. Oprah would already be dead,
because that number was even lower for
black women-49-which
means Michelle
Obama would also have been dead.
So since 1930, all women have gained
another 20 years of life. Twenty years.
Think what 20 years means: If you're 30,
that's your life since 4th grade. If you're 50,
it's all the years since 30. Twenty years is a
lifetime, a generation.
Not all of us will get those extra decades.
Some of us will die of cancer or a sudden
heart attack or a car accident-the
leading causes of death for women under 50.
But the likelihood of us living to 80 looms
larger than the possibility we won't make
it much past 50.
My partner and I sometimes talk about
aging and about how, if we'd ever thought
we'd live past 30, we would have taken
better care of ourselves. We're only half
joking. When I was 20, I thought I would
live forever. "Self-care" wasn't a term in
common parlance, then. When I was 26,
I was diagnosed with cancer and the next
few years were a series of operations and
treatments. When I finally felt better, I
felt I needed to live like every day was my
last day.
That's exhausting.
My father used to tell me, "Do as I say,
not as I do:' So I am telling you the same
thing: Plan for 50 and 50 really will be
the new 40. Plan on a long life, because in
another decade, we'll have tacked another
incremental few years onto the life expectancy. Plan on keeping your body and
mind fit, because you'll need both.
Taking care of your body is simple:
don't smoke and don't drink or eat to excess. Exercise at least three times a week.
Walk, don't sit. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Stay away from too much meat
and too much sugar. Drink lots of water
and not too much alcohol. Forget vitamins
except D. Exfoliate and moisturize, wear
sunscreen and don't get sunburned. Don't
have unprotected sex. Use lube because
unlubricated sex breaks down the walls
of your vagina. If you don't have a partner,
masturbate, because it's one of the best
relaxation tools. Sex keeps us young. Get
enough sleep.
Taking care of your mind is harder.
Read. Learn a second language if you don't
already know one. Do crossword puzzles
or Sudoku, play Scrabble or chess. All
these things use the parts of our brains we
let be lazy. Keeping your mind sharp will
mean your older years could be your best.
Meditate. Do yoga or Tai Chi. These
things will help you to live better and longer,
because mindfulness keeps you strong in
all the ways that matter.
Delete the toxic. If there is anything I
have learned over the years, it's how much
damage toxic people and situations can
do. They damage our immune systems,
predisposing us to illness or autoimmune
problems. They make us angry, hurt, sad,
depressed. No to the toxic.
Be a friend. Be social. Studies show that
women who have 10 close friendships live
longest.
Don't be angry. Cortisol destroys our
bodies and ravages women more than
men. Every time you get angry it courses
through your body. Let it go.
Don't have regrets. When you hit 50,
regret smacks you in the face like a dead
fish. As young as you can ( start right
now!), do the things you want to do.
Don't put your life on hold until some
distant future that may never come or not
afford you the luxury to make big moves
or changes.
Volunteer. Studies also show that helping others releases endorphins-just
like
sex and chocolate and cocaine (no cocaine!)
Plus at some point there will be that obituary and you want it to be full. You want
to leave a legacy.
Love your own body. I've spent years
hating my body-and
at each next stage
of my life I have looked at earlier photos
and wondered what could I possibly have
found fault with? Why couldn't I see my
own loveliness? Own your body, whatever
its size or shape or color. Own it and cherish it and don't tell yourself it's not good
enough. It belongs to you.
I wish someone had given me a road
map when I was 20 about what would be
most essential to make my life rich and full
and long. Some of it I knew instinctively,
like having friends and giving to others. But
when I turned 50, I still had not learned to
love mysel£ That isn't narcissism-it's acceptance. It's being comfortable with who you
are. It's not caring what other people think as
long as you know you are on the right path.
There's no perfect template to follow.
But there is one goal: contentment.
That's what you want. You want to
move into the second half of your life as
close to contented as possible; the first
half is prep for that. You want to share
as much as you can and embrace yourself
and try hard to do everything on your
bucket list.
We have 20 more years than our mothers or grandmothers were given to live.
That's huge. That's awesome. Don't worry that 50 is the new 40 is the new 30.
Just go for that best life: a body you love,
a mind that's sharp, people you love who
love you back. That way when 60 hits, you
can be like Oprah ( albeit without the billions )-ready to relax, breathe deep, have
life flood up around you. Like acceptance.
Like love. Like the life you knew you
always, always wanted to be living.•
Follow Victoria A. Brownworth on Twitter
@VABVOX
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
19
20
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
VIEWS/TWO
OF
HOW
THEY
MET
STEPHANIE: We met seven years ago while
tattooing at an East Village tattoo shop
called New York Adorned. Virginia was
there doing a guest spot.
HOW
THEY
GOT
TOGETHER
STEPHANIE: Shortly after doing the guest
spot, Virginia ca e to work permanently
at NYA and we became close friends. We
bonded over our shared profession and the
challenges and rewards of making a living
as an artist. We are also both giant book
nerds.
ONWORKING
TOGETHER
VIRGINIA: Stephanie left NYA in 2011 and
became co-owner of Saved Tattoo in
Williamsburg. After two years of working
apart, Stephanie invited me to come join
the Saved team. From past experience we
knew we worked well together, but it was
definitely something we spoke of quite
a bit before making the decision to work
side by side again. Overall, it's been an
extremely positive experience for both of
us. I think it's really important to see your
partner shine, and Stephanie absolutely
shines as an artist and a leader at the shop.
STEPHANIE: Aside from being drawn to
tattooing as an art form and a craft to be
mastered, I think we were both attracted to
the idea of permanence and commitment.
Tattooing isn't something you can casually
practice. To excel, you have to make a
commitment to grow as an artist and a
craftsperson. You also have to be willing to
commit to the permanence of giving and
wearing tattoos.
HOW
THEY
RESOLVE
DIFFERENCES
VIRGINIA: We have very different ways of
approaching our art-tattooing
and clients.
Because we both appreciate constructive
criticism and try to keep an open mind, it's
been great to learn from and teach each
other.
STEPHANIE: We are both excellent
communicators, and at the core of our
relationship is a deep respect for each
other.
VIRGINIA: Stephanie just agrees with
everything I say because she knows I'm
always right.
STEPHANIE: Virginia knows I'm usually
right, so she just agrees with everything
I say.•
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
21
My Girlfriend's
Parents Are
Bigots
Can love survive familial hate?
BY LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I have been
dating Tricia, whom I am very much in love
with, for the past five years. She is from a small
border town and her parents are religious.
When she came out to them (a few months
into our relationship) her parents drove two
hours to pick her up, and took her to a priest
the next day. The priest told her in front of
her parents that the life she was living was a
sin. Her parents feel that if the church states
something is wrong, they should never accept
it. Her extended family does not know about
her sexuality. It's as if she is living a double life.
It couldn't be more opposite with my folks,
who love her as their own.
My biggest dilemma is that I want to start a
family, but I'm fearful that this won't happen
until I can have a relationship with her parents.
After all, starting a family could potentially lead
to even more serious drama. It's gotten to the
point where we argue about it a lot, and I am
considering ending our relationship. While I
understand that she is trying her best, I can't
help but wonder if this is fair to me. If I do
leave her because her parents won't accept
me, I'll ultimately seem like the "bad guy" and
Tricia is the one who's trying, but the situation
is out of her hands. I am genuinely at a loss as
to what to do and am in so much conflict with
myself. -Trapped in Tuscaloosa
.....
22
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
¼.
. .
..
. .
.
. . .W////////////////////////////
VIEWS/LIPSTICK+
DIPS
Dipstick: Dear Trapped, I want
at each other and you'd be
Lipstick: Have you heard
ladies, and often husbands
you to go into the bathroom
united-one
that song "I Kissed a Girl"
are surprisingly supportive
right now, close the door, take
strong together. Is she sticking
by Jill Sobule? Download it.
of wives who want to explore
all your clothes off, and look
up for herself and your love,
Something's got to give here.
the female landscape, even
force, standing
in the mirror. Look good and
or cowering in fear of rocking
Does hubby know about that
granting them permission.
hard. Who you see is exactly
the boat? Is she voicing how
swinging pendulum? You don't
A word of warning to you,
the only person you have
important you are, how much
need to be either a cheater-
control or influence over. You
she loves you, and how much
cannot change Tricia's rela-
she believes in who she is, no
tionship with her family. You
matter what anyone says? If
cannot change her father's
not, this is what's turning you
religious beliefs or her mother's
off, this is what's frightening
disapproval. (Neither can she.)
you about the future. It all
You cannot turn her fanatical,
comes down to good honest
cold, judgmental parents into
communication.
your welcoming and loving
unhappy about Tricia's missing
ones. What you can do is ap-
backbone, tell her. If you're
preciate the loving relationship
disgruntled about her living a
that you do have with Tricia.
double life, tell her. Just make
If you're
You can thank God that your
sure she really hears you, so
family loves and supports you
she has the chance to change
and your relationship. You can
what she does have control
choose to believe that her
over. A push from you might
parents are just two people
be all it takes for her to find
trying to do what they think is
her voice. If she remains timid,
best for their daughter-even
if she stays in that stagnant
if in reality it is the opposite.
space, it might be time for you
We don't get to choose the
to leave. If so, take comfort
families we're born into, but we
in knowing that you commu-
do get to choose the families
nicated your needs clearly.
we create. You can choose
There's no shame in that.
however. Because you said you
crave women in an emotional
''
way, be careful. You just might
fall in love. Georgia O'Keefe
MANY
PtOPlt
HAVt
O[SIR[S
OUTSID[
OfTH[IR
RtlATIONSHIP.
Wt'RtHUMAN,
AfT[R
All. BUT,
B[ING
HUMAN,
WtGtTTOMAK[
CHOIC[S.
CHOIC[S
AR[NOT
AlWAYS
tASY,
AND
TH
tY
DO
COM
t WITH
CONS[QU[NCtS.
said, "There is something
unexplored about women that
only a woman can explore ..." To
that, I'll add, "and it will leave
you breathless, questioning
everything in your life."
Dipstick: Lipstick is right.
You've got to let your hubby
know. Keeping this locked
inside is what's killing you.
Once you let the kitty cat out
of the bag, you'll probably
feel a great deal of relief. From
that point on, you and your
husband get to negotiate the
course of action you're going
to take. You and he can bring
a lady into the bedroom with
you. You can step out and
explore on your own. You can
dress him up in a string bikini
to love Tricia as she is, or you
can choose to let her go, but
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick:
it's just not fair to hold her
I married a man seven years
responsible or blame her for
ago. I love him and he is a
something she cannot change.
wonderful partner. I have
OK, speech over. You can put
always been attracted to both
your clothes back on now.
men and women, and have
had some experiences with
Lipstick: Great words, Dip.
women, but my long-term
and use your imagination. How
you deal with your attraction is
up to you. Many people have
desires outside of their relationship. We're human, after all.
But, being human, we get to
''
make choices. Choices are not
always easy, and they do come
Now then, Trapped, beyond
relationships have always
accepting what you do and
been with men. As I've gotten
cheater coochie-eater or single
fully embrace the part of you
don't have control over-
older, I've come to realize
to get what you want. If you
that is attracted to women-no
one will deny you that-but
with consequences. You can
which is a critical awareness
that I can no longer deny the
haven't already, tell your man
in all aspects of life-how
part of me that's attracted to
about your fantasies. Two
if you choose to act on those
and yearns for women, both
things can happen: He'll be
attractions, your world will
situation? Is she really trying
in a sexual and an emotional
totally turned on, or he'll feel
change. Be prepared.•
her best? Is it really out of her
way. I do not want to leave my
threatened. Actually, there's
do
you feel Tricia's handling the
hands? I ask because I think if
husband. I also do not want
another thing: He'll want to
Do you have a burning
she really were pushing back,
to cheat on him. I don't know
have a threesome. Maybe you'll
question for Lipstick
you wouldn't be contemplating
what to do. -Between a Rock
see a little bit of everything. We
& Dipstick? Write to
ending it. You'd be less irritated
and a Hard Place
hear from lots of you married
ask@Ii pstickd i pstick.com
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
23
Since then, I've helped friends set up
fitness plans, I've taken a few paying di~
ents, and I've even inspired some of my
family members to take their fitness seri~
ously. When I heard that Curve was doing
a Body issue, my attention turned to my
extended family in "the community:' I pon~
dered the reasons why lesbians seem to
have this recurring issue with fitness. I was
staggered to find that we are far worse off
than the population at large. So now I'm
happy to offer you the tools and insight
I've gained over the past year.
There are three crucial elements that
determine our health and fitness levels~
They are: diet, exercise, and-a
much
stickier subject-psychology.
We are shaped by our thoughts.
We become what we think.
-Buddha
Think Fit
Whatever your body type, attitude is key to a healthier you.
BY ANNE NECZYPOR
Z
ero birthdays can be a little in~
timidating. Like any milestone,
they cause us to look around at
our lives, and decide if we are
where we want to be. In preparation for
one of mine, I found myself dissatisfied
with my level of fitness. I hadn't hit the
gym since high school. So I did something
about it.
I began a yearlong quest for optimum
fitness. In the beginning, I tried meet~
ing with personal trainers. The first was
a woman who had a similar story, only
now she was pure muscle. Much like my
first lesbian "trainer;' she inflicted a lot of
her own hang~ups on me. Next, I tried
a brawny gay guy. He made me feel bad
about mysel£ told me everything I was do~
ing wrong in our first hour together, and
swore he was going to set me straight ...
irony intended. Finally, I took matters into
my own hands. I became a student of the
subject. I connected with other people
24
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
who had gone through a transformation.
I hit the books and read all I could about
nutrition and exercise. I started making
changes in the way I spoke about mysel£
conducted mysel£ and, ultimately, treated
mysel£ In the end, I decided to get certi~
fied as a personal trainer myself.
Are you seriously going to argue with
the Buddha? I thought not. So let's tackle
this first: Do you think of yourself as a
healthy person? A fit person? Maybe you
don't think about your level of fitness at
all. You should. We all should. You only
get one shell to house this spirit, this
mind, this heart. If you knew you would
have only one car in your whole entire life,
would you pour sugar in the gas tank?
Would you drive it recklessly? Let it over~
heat? I didn't think so. Lesbians are gen~
erally better to their cars than they are to
their bodies. Talk to a lesbian about her set
of wheels and you'll see her face light upshe'll speak lovingly about it, whether it's
a 1985 Jeep Wagoneer or a brand~new
Mercedes SL550. But ask a lesbian about
her legs and she might not even answer
you. She might become self-conscious, or
apologetic. That's nuts. Negative self~talk
is a much harder habit to break than an
addiction to potato chips, and far more
detrimental to a healthy lifestyle. Cut it
out. Just because there's a voice inside your
head, it isn't necessarily your voice, your
true voice. If the voice inside your head is
telling you that you can't or won't ever be
fit, it's not your true voice-it's a demon at
the controls, with its hands on the wheel
of the motor vehicle called your brain.
The demon has your true voice tied up
and gagged, but she's sitting right behind
it. She wants to get behind the wheel and
drive (lesbians always want to drive). Free~
ing her up and silencing the demon is your
key to success. •
VIEWS/
ADVICE
BEAT THE DErllON AND FIND \jOUR UOICE
One: When you hear the voice in your
head say anything negative, self-defeating, or that makes you feel bad,
simply pause and say: "I know what
you're doing. It's not going to work. I
love myself and I accept myself completely." Then slide the demon's message through a mental shredder and
chuck it in the recycling.
Two: Don't feed the demon. The demon thrives on bad-energy people,
on sugar, hangovers, and exhaustion.
Anything that makes you feel like garbage is fuel for the demon. Avoid this.
Three: Forgive. Sit down and make a
list of every person, situation, or external source of pain that has affected
your self-image and fitness. Anything
you can actually remember as painful
is probably still nagging you. Meditate
rllAl-<E E~ERCISE
-Bill Phillips,Body for Life
We're not talking about clinical depression, but beating the demon in your
head. There are countless schools of
thought on exercise: interval training
is the best way to tackle cardio; heavy
lifting is a great way to feel like a badass, burn calories, and build muscle;
lots of reps with light weights can tone
you up properly-the list goes on. The
fact that you are getting exercise is
much more important than exactly
which exercises you're doing. Get out
there and move. Take a dance class,
walk to work, chase your nieces and
nephews around. Get sweaty. Pant a
little. It's all good. Do it every day. Do it
for at least 20 minutes a day. You'll notice a difference. Unless you're angling
to become a competitive athlete, don't
worry about what you're doing, or how
well you're doing it. Your short-term
goals will add up and you'll be strong,
fast, and flexible before you know it.
A PART OF \jOUR LIFE
One: Find something you like. As long
as it gets your heart rate up to about
75 percent of your max and you can
keep it up for 20 minutes, it's cool. The
most important thing is that you do it.
Two: Switch it up. Doing different
kinds of exercises will strengthen different parts of your body. Since we're
advocating a holistic view of fitness,
remember that repetitive actions can
lead to injury. Nobody wants that.
Three: Use SMART goals to set yourself up for success. SMART goals are
Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. A great example of a SMART goal is: "I'd like to
run a 5K, without stopping to walk, six
months from today." This is a specific,
THREE
on each one and dig deep-it's time to
forgive these people and yourself for
what happened. Send good vibes or
love to your 13-year-old self, to the jerk
who dumped you when you put on 20
pounds, to your mother-who meant
well but made you feel horrible. Forgive them and release them. No need
to actually contact them, this is for
you. Do this as often as you need to
until the memories have no sting left
in them. This will be hard, but it's entirely
worthwhile.
measurable, and achievable goal for
just about anyone, no matter what
your fitness level. A not-so-smart goal
is: "I'd like to be seeing someone who
thinks I'm hotter than she is." This is
pretty general and cannot be measured, let alone achieved.
-Joan Rivers
I once met with a client who sheepishly confessed that her biggest problem
was that she "loves food." This is not a
problem. This is a survival instinct. Of
course she loves food. So do I. Show
me someone who hates food and I'll
show you a sick individual. Life is long
(hopefully) and there is plenty of time
to eat all the things you want to eat.
Lots of lesbians pride themselves on
being "foodies." I am one of them.
But dining indulgently isn't a contest.
You don't need to eat all the fabulous
meals in the world inside of a year. If
80 percent of the time you're having
Greek yogurt for breakfast, a grilled
chicken salad for lunch, a green juice
drink in the afternoon, and a piece
of roasted salmon with veggies for
dinner-and 20 percent of the time
you're going out for a killer dinneryou're doing great. Don't throw up
your hands after you've had just one indulgent morning macchiato. Just press
your reset button and get back into
your rhythm. You've got this.
TIPS FOR EATING RIGHT
One: Take your weight-the numberand add a zero. That's a rough way to
estimate how many calories it takes
to keep you going for a day. Subtract
500 from that number and you're
in a good zone to start dropping the
pounds (if that's your goal). Track your
weight loss with a free app like Loselt.
This will help you be aware of what
you're spending, calorie-wise, and
help inform your decisions to reach for
healthier snacks.
Two: Eat raw vegetables. I cannot
evangelize the value of raw vegetables
enough. If you're not used to a diet
heavy in raw veggies, start off slow,
but over time you can reconstruct your
diet to include a lot of them. They will
heal you from the inside.
Three: Pay attention to the way different food makes you feel. 15 minutes
after you eat something, write down
how you feel: Satiated? Still hungry?
Nauseous? Energized? It will blow your
mind when you realize what your food
is doing to and for you. It will make you
aware of what you're consuming and
how you can strategize your fuel consumption throughout the day. All in
all, fixing up your body is easier (and
cheaper) than fixing up your car. Tackling body issues can be work, emotionally and physically, but it's worth
every moment you put into it. Once
you've freed up the energy that used
to be wasted on feeling tired, stuffed,
and bad about yourself, the sky is the
limit in terms of what you can tackle
next. (neczyporconsulting.com) •
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
25
at can't comic Murray Hill .do?
The self-professed "hardest
working middle aged man 1n
how business," Murray has
toured the world over, worked with a glut of stars
from every avenue in the "biz," cracked hundreds
of JOkesand amassed a collection of over 7,000
polyester ties. From humble beginnings in NYC.,
he's gone on to host shows for burlesque superstar
Dita Von Teese,fashion designer Marc Jacobs,
the celebrated Mr. Transman pageant and Bust
magazine-even hosting his very own Showbiz on
MTV (Other) Hill took time out of a busy schedule to
discuss glitter, cheeseburgers, women, his upcoming
involvement in the trans and queer communities, and the
next milestone in his career his first time headlining at the
Gramercy Theater in NYC.
Do you have any pre-show rituals?
I definitely have a few things. I always-when I do the big
shows with Oita-I always hang out in the wings. I set up my
dressing room and my music stand with all my material, all that
stuff, I set up a corner. There's a picture of it where it's duct~
taped like, "Murray Hill's Corner:' I never put on my bowtie or
my jacket until there's a 20~minute callback. That's when the
bowtie goes on. And when I get my 5~minutes, the jacket goes
on. That is a total ritual.
Best thing about working with Dita?
There's a lot. I think the best thing for me personally is I get to
be in front of a new audience every time we go out. And we've
traveled all over the country. They don't usually know what
to expect for her show, and then when I come out they're like,
What the fuck:' The other thing [is] that Oita and I, we're so
synced up on showbiz. She is old school, striptease, showbiz. I'm
the same way. And she's a total pro. We both take care ofbusi~
ness, if you know what I'm saying. Of course, the other thing is I
get to be in an act with women [and] they're half~clothed.
Lots of tassels.
That's for the lesbian readers! [Laughs]
What's the most important difference between what you
do and what a typical comedy club would do?
When you go to my shows, the second you walk through that
door you feel like you've entered this showbiz palace, and what
goes with that is acceptance for all types of different people that
come to my shows-gay people, trans people, straight people,
all kinds of ethnic and economic backgrounds. Everybody
comes to my shows, when they walk through the door they feel
comfortable, and that's a huge thing for me. So that's the biggest
difference. It's like walking into a dank, skanky basement with
one microphone that smells like vomit, or you're walking into a
room where the band's always playing, the lights are low, and the
energy's always positive. So that's the biggest difference. I work
real hard on that. It's important.
I think that in my shows, my first priority, always-even
when I'm with Dita-is the audience. When you go to a comedy
club the first priority for comedians is to do their material and
get a laugh. That's my second priority. So, just even that shift of
priorities makes a huge difference on the audience's experience.
Are there any people in the biz that you're itching to
collaborate with?
This show I'm doing in March I'll be on stage with Peaches for
the first time. Everybody in the show, that's a group of people I
wanted to bring together. So I've got Bridget Everett, Ad~Rock
from The Beastie Boys, Peaches, and then my friend Cham~
pagne Jerry. So we're all colleagues and buddies and now we're
going to be in this one show together. My ideal person I would
love to be on stage with is Don Rickles, of course. Don Rickles,
Liza Minnelli-l'm
holding out.
If you had to pick one member of the Rat Pack to
collaborate with, do you think that you could choose just
one person?
It's a toss~up between Sammy and Dean. Both of those guys
I really have studied their lounge~act, their recording, every~
thing-but
Dean Martin ... when you look through his old
[records] with him in the lounges, it looks like he's just talking
and making fun of the audience, making fun of the band. It's so
casual. But when you buy six records of different tapes, it's all
the same material. So that kind of casual delivery where it's like
you're sitting in the audience with a friend who's just talking,
that's something I'm really inspired by and I do that myself. So
maybe I'll have to go with Mr. Dean Martin-otherwise
known
as Dino.
How was hosting the Mr. Trans pageant in San Francisco?
We didn't know how it was going to turn out, and it ended
up being totally sold out and we had to turn people away.
It was really a celebration of this part of queer culture that
doesn't get a lot of visibility. I mean, within the community it
does, but the whole queer society is still run by gay men, drag
queens-that's
where all the visibility is. All the people slowly
chip away, but that's really the dominant thing. So the reason
why I do these pageants is to give a platform for underrepre~
sented [identities] in our scene to literally have a chance to get
on stage and go balls~to~the~wall. Just be whoever they want.
The pageant's just like a framework for the show, it's not like
they're really being judged.
In San Francisco, these transguys blew me away. When I
was their age there was none of it, no language, no books, no
Internet [Laughs], so to see three generations later transmen
with their shirts off, performing and just being who they are
and happy about it and owning that-there
was no shame at
Transmen-for
someone my age, it just choked me up. I don't
know if this generation now sees progress, but to me I'm like,
Wow. It's unbelievable.
How much does glitter play into your performances?
Glitter for me is like kryptonite, so the girls will come at me
with their glitter and it gets stuck in my suit for forever. So
glitter is danger for me. Kryptonite. I don't want that on my suit.
Aha, so it's your one weakness.
Yes [Laughs]. Women and glitter.
What's the best advice that you've gotten from anybody in
the biz?
I think the biggest advice I got from somebody early on is: never
break your character, no matter what happens. When you work
in the nightclubs there's always something going on-the ceiling
breaks when you're on stage, or somebody throws up-there's
always some insane thing that happens. So ... always be in that
persona when these things happen, and to deal with it as Murray.
What I tell people is two things: Every beat counts. And then
my other big one is if you don't see yourself represented, then go
out there and represent yourself. (mistershowbiz.com) •
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
27
Oh,Baby!
Behind the scenes of Sex After Kids.
BY DAR DOWLING
0
n TV and in the movies, lesbian is definitely the
hot trend. It seems as though everywhere you look
these days you can find an acclaimed actor-Jaime
Murray, Mia Kirshner, now Laura Prepon-playing
a strong, sexy lesbian or bisexual character. While I love them all,
my new favorites are Mary Krohnert and Kate Hewlett, two of
the stars of Sex After Kids. This hilarious and drama~packed
28
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
indie film, written by Jeremy Lalonde, is making a much~deserved
splash on the film festival circuit. So much so that a distributor,
who loved it, asked Lalonde to cut out the lesbian storyline, so
they could show it in Russia -no doubt partially due to a really
sensual kissing scene. Of course he said no.
Sex After Kids follows six couples, each in their own personal
love~ and sex~deprived hell after having kids. They include a pair
of older empty-nesters looking to reignite
their sex life and wrestling with a new
reality, which may just include butt plugs,
vibrators, anal sex and porn; as well as a
gorgeous actor turned new mommy who's
wrestling with a uninterested husband and
a hormone issue, resulting in a sex scene
you just have to see for yourself; and Lou,
a single mom played by Lost Girl's Zoie
Palmer, who is looking for sex in all the
wrong places-and
yes, she's hilarious,
while adding fuel to the Sex After Kids fire.
Yet with all that going on I fell just a
little bit in love with Mary Krohnert and
Kate Hewlett, who play the lesbian couple and perfectly capture the fierceness of
lesbian relationships, as well as the complexities that go along with adding kids, or
the desire to have kids, into the mix. Larissa,
played by Krohnert, is oh-so-sexy, in a
pinched and rather uptight way, and struggling with the couple's different parenting
styles, and her own infertility. So, as you
may well imagine, she's not really ever in
the mood for sex. Hewlett's more relaxed
and easygoing Jody is desperately trying
to make things right, and at the same
time pretend nothing is wrong-and,
well, actually have sex. "Yet, it's not really
about sex, it's about communication;' says
Krohnert, and she's right. Jody and Larissa
take you on a hell of a ride.
Mary Krohnert delivers a charged, emo-
tionally provocative performance, yet when
she isn't on screen she's busy using her
creative skills at the community level,
working as an art therapist and gearing
up to launch a community art studio.
Why? For her, it all derives from the same
creative spark. "It's the human story that
fascinates me the most;' she says, whether
she's making a film, helping clients heal
and grow, or bringing art into the community. Krohnert seems to be following in
Jaime Murray's great-at-playing-gay footsteps, having scored some very intriguing
lesbian roles-in
Congratulations Daisy
Graham, a heart-wrenching and at times
smoldering indie short that you should
definitely check out, and on Singles
Court, a Canadian TV series. On Singles
Court, she played a newly out lesbian, and
was so good at it that after the show aired
friends and neighbors called her mother to
ask if Mary was coming out. She wasn't,
although I wish she were. However, Krohnert is not shy when the topic of kissing
girls comes up. "Kate is a great kisser;' she
reveals.
On the other side of that kiss is Kate
Hewlett, who sci-fi fans may recognize
from her role as Jeannie Miller on Stargate Atlantis. Yet, Sex After Kids actually
offered Hewlett a dramatic opportunityher first-ever onscreen kiss-so there was
lots of practicing to get it just right, and
they really did. Hewlett loved playing
Jody, delving in deep and bringing intensity
and realism to the role, making you feel
like Jody would actually be great to hang
out with-and
not just because she's ohso-sexy. Besides being an exceptional actor,
Hewlett is also a gifted playwright and
screenwriter, and has been in the writing
rooms of some of my favorite shows, including The L.A. Complex and Seed (which is
coming to the CW network).
Hewlett also wrote and starred in She
Said Lenny, an indie short in which she
plays-you
guessed it-a
lesbian who
ends up on a first date with a straight
woman who thinks she's meeting a man.
So while Hewlett is straight, like Krohnert, she does an amazing job of playing
gay. And apparently has had a crush on a
girl or two in the past, including Palmerbut who hasn't?
While Sex After Kids won't be showing
in Russia, unless the walls of homophobia
come crashing down, it's out now on DVD
and video on demand in the U.S. •
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
29
ow do you find love in a
world of instant gratifi~
cation? We are living in
a time in which labels of
sexuality are increasingly anachronistic.
We are living in a society in which we
have greater individual power over our
destiny-success,
education, prosperity,
sexual and creative expression. But what
happens when our expectations aren't met?
Submerge isn't your average lesbian film. It
tears the fragile fabric that binds us into
social constructs of sex and gender in a
rapidly accelerated world.
Submerge is the story of Jordan, a college
student and aspiring Olympic swimmer
who struggles to meet the expectations of
H
30
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
others and, controlled by her mother, finds
herself swimming endlessly in a suffocat~
ing womb of despair. When Jordan's quest
for freedom becomes entangled with the
rising yearnings of her history tutor, Angie,
Jordan jumps into the deep end, striving
for wisdom but hindered by her own
immaturity.
Film producer Kat Holmes and director
Sophie O'Connor (pictured left) co~wrote
Submerge with a powerful message in mind
about defining gender roles and sexuality.
"It is as much a challenge to fundamen~
talist gays and lesbians as it is to straight
people;' says Holmes of the film's portrayal
of sexual fluidity. "In placing this story
within the context of the current gener~
ation of young people we are adopting
and celebrating their refusal to conform
to the labels defined by their predeces~
sors. Identity is not something that can be
imposed-it
comes from within, and our
characters represent this truth:' Submerge,
says Holmes, "proudly allies itself with the
notion of inclusive community and our
characters represent the diverse spectrum
of human sexuality:'
The film is as much about the complex~
ity of human desire as it is about lesbian
love. Of her conflicted protagonist Jor~
dan, Holmes says, "I wanted to present a
three~dimensional lesbian character ... [The
director] Sophie O'Connor was inspired to
take Jordan and put her within the context
of the current'instant gratification' genera~
tion and she was also inspired to use water
to represent fluidity, shades of light and
dark, and transience:'
With its avant~garde approach to les~
bian cinema, the film offers trailblazing
themes and challenges to rigid ideals,
which are slowly becoming obsolete as
LGBT rights become human rights.
Submerge is only the second Australian
lesbian movie to proceed to commercial
release, and Holmes is proud of breaking
this cinematic drought. "Submerge has
managed to break its way through to the
screen primarily because of determina~
tion and persistence in the face of nearly
insurmountable challenges. There was no
magic bullet. We just didn't give up:'
(submergethemovie.com) •
BUY OR RENT NOW!
HGorgeous...
Crab your girlfriend.:'!t~"
NICOLA CORREIA DA,\.\UDE
CHRISllNE HORNE
MARGARITA
afilm l1yDominique Cardona
a11dLaurieColbert
WildlypopularFrenchlesbiandramaaboutprecocious
teenAdelewho falls headoverheelsin lovewith
blue-hairedart studentEmma.Thispassionatelesbian
romance(andthe film's legendaryexplicitsix-minutesex
scene)is an absolutemust-seemovie!
A suburbanlesbianhavinga midlifecrisis finds herself
driftingawayfrom her super-tensewife, flirting with a
femalefriendandturningtricks while redecoratinga
downtownapartment.
ThissumptuousEnglish-language
'50s periodpiece
tells the passionatelovestory of PulitzerPrize-winning
poetElizabethBishopand BrazilianarchitectLotade
MacedoSoares.
Thishilariousfoul-mouthed,lesbianroadmovieco-stars
Oscar®-winningactressesBrendaFrickerandOlympia
Oukakisas DotandStella,a crackerjacklesbiancouple
on the run from a nursinghome.
Thiswonderfullesbiandramatells the tale of an
undocumented
Mexicannanny,Margarita,whose
girlfriendJaneis reluctantto commitandwhose
yuppieemployersare aboutto let her go.
Thisexquisitelycraftedcomingof agetale followsa
pair of Latinateenswho fall graduallyin love
againstthe backdropof SoutheastLosAngeles.
~ WolfeVideo.com vouR LEse1AN-owNEDsouRcE FORLGBTMov1Es1
0
ver the years, I've had the
privilege of interviewing Amy
Ray half a dozen times. Each
time we speak, I'm impressed
by her unique blend of man~ofthe~people
sincerity and rock~star charisma. Ray, who
is best known as half of the folk~rock duo
the Indigo Girls, possesses not just the raw
talent but the intellectual curiosity and the
determination necessary to fuel a decades~
long career. Though her work with the
Indigo Girls brims with guts and verve,
over the years she's reserved her brasher
songs for her solo records. Influenced by
the likes of Patti Smith and the Sex Pis~
tols, Ray brings an unrestrained passion
32
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
to her onstage performance. Her fifth
solo album still boasts that characteristic
rebellious grit, but this time she's chosen
to express herself through country music
rather than punk rock. A departure? Not
according to Ray.
"Country has always resonated with me;'
she says. "I feel a kinship with the storytell~
ing of the South-that
relationship with
the land and that populist notion of three
chords and the truth. There's so much going
on in a good country song, but in a simple
way, like there is in a William Blake poem
or a Hemingway novel-not a lot of words,
but each is chosen so carefully:'
Recording Goodnight Tender, Ray too
was careful. "I insisted on certain parame~
ters;' she says, "like, we recorded to tape and
we used vintage microphones, older ways of
doing things. Didn't do a lot of tricky over~
dubs. Did everything live.
--::: - -~
~
REVIEWS/
Those parameters weren't oppressive. They
kept me in a certain place. I didn't want to
go down the path of overediting and taking
all the life our:'
The result is an album Ray finds both
"rootsy" and "polished:' When asked to
highlight a favorite song, Ray says though
she's "really close to the song 'Time Zone;
it probably doesn't stand out for other
people. I feel like often, when you make a
record, the song you love the most is the
song no one else likes. Your favorite song is
probably the one you're overindulgent on:'
Not that Ray cuts herself slack. ''As a
songwriter, my Achilles' heel has been just
getting lost in my own story too much;' says
Ray. "There've been times I was too cryptic
and too internalized. It wasn't accessible. In
the last 10 years, I've had the goal of try~
ing to reach beyond that. You want songs
to be able to travel, and have people inter~
pret them their own way and sing them for
themselves and share them. It's not your
story anymore, it's everybody's story. And
that's the whole point:'
Ray tries to find a balance between
pushing herself and acknowledging "that
Zen idea of something having a time and
a place. In the old days, I would have forced
a song 'cause I had a record coming up and
I liked one piece of the song so much that
I couldn't stand to wait. But then I'll listen
back to the record and I'll be like, God,
that song could have been so much better.
I could have really made something out of
it, but I rushed it. Now I don't do that any~
more. That's maturity, I think:'
For Ray, cultivating a balance is a theme
of sorts, in work and in life. Just as Ray's
solo projects often explore female mascu~
linity, her day~to~day existence requires
her to find harmony within the tension be~
tween her masculine and feminine aspects.
"I still struggle with it a lor;' she says, "[but]
I've learned to work with my body and have
a translation going all the time of who I
am-my physical appearance and my spir~
it and everything all working together. It's
worth it to me because the female part is so
important, too:' You won't find Ray delving
into gender on GoodnightTender,though.
"I still think about it;' she says. 'Tm obvi~
ously still singing from my own perspective,
which is often masculine-it's central to my
core-but I want this record to have that
as a layer, and you only know it 'cause you
know me. And if you don't know me, you
probably feel it anyway:' (amy~ray.com) •
MUSIC
HOT
LICKS
))BYMERRYN
JOHNS
& RACHEL
SHATTO
Angelique
Kidjo
Eve
(Savoy/429
Recoros)
The Grammy Award-winning world music maven has released a
heart-stoppingly good new album. From the toe-tapping opening
track "M'Baamba" with its Kenyan voices and rhythms to the
danceworthy "Shango Wa" to the soothing serenade of closing
track "Coari," this is strong-woman music that will send your spirit
soaring. Produced by Patrick Dillett (David Byrne, Fatboy Slim),
this album, named after Kidjo's mother, bursts with pride in African
women. The album's prolific percussive sounds and guest musicians
including Vampire Weekend, The Kronos Quartet, the Orchestra
Philharmonique du Luxumbourg, and women's choirs from African
villages create a joyful fusion that engenders hope in global unity in
spite of the homophobia in some African nations.
Berlin
Animal
(Sometning-Music)
After an eight year hiatus Berlin is back, and it's clear with their latest
offering that the band has set its sights firmly on the dance floor. The
titular album opener, "Animal," is a catchy, high-energy track that will
surely be on heavy rotation in the clubs this summer. "Nice To Meet
You" blends New Wave with dance and just a hint of dub-step. For fans
of Nunn's ballads both "It's The Way" and "Mom," with their aching and
soaring vocals, are sure to satisfy. However, for all the sweetness and
melancholy that those two tracks provide, this is first and foremost
a dance album-and it's not afraid to get a little naughty. While Berlin
frontwoman Terri Nunn has never been a shrinking violet, here the
hetero-flexible songstress is going full sex bomb. Desire, illicit hookups and plenty of skin are present on nearly every track-and we like
it that way.
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
33
!P~~!;~
for buried treasure.
Pleasure
<Map
A WOMAN'S
Q&AGUIDE
TOHOTTER,
NAUGHTIER,
MORE
s!~a~t~f!!d~
BY WILLIAM
NORTHUP
It's hard to believe that in this age of
media saturation, queer women are still
struggling to find information about
their bodies and sexual needs. Shanna
Katz, a sexologist, has written Your
Pleasure Map: A Woman's Q&A Guide
to Hotter, Naughtier, More Adventurous
Sex, which hopes to address the needs
of women of as many different "relationship statuses, orientations, ages,
economic statuses, ability levels, ethnic
backgrounds, races" as possible.
One of the themes of this book is that there's no Holy Grail of
sex. Is that true for queer women?
I run into this idea a lot. It seems as if everyone has this one
thing that if they can just figure out how to do it/like it/ enjoy it/
convince their partner to do it, they will have the best sex ever.
And that is simply not true. Lots of queer women tell me that
they don't enjoy strapping it on, or receiving their partner's strap
on, and how can they convince themselves to like it more. Ditto
34
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
goes for "scissoring:' There is
no one type of sex for queer
women to have that every single person will love; rather, if
you work on figuring out what
you like, and communicate
with your partner about what
they like, and start building a
sexual dance card from there,
you are much more likely to
find the "holy grail" of your sex
life, rather than this magical
and usually unobtainable position that will make everyone
orgasm a million times simultaneously with their partner.
Why was it important to you
to include trans women in
your book?
I wanted an inclusive book, as
many women's sex books are
written exclusively for straight
cisgender women. However,
many queer spaces are still not
welcoming or even safe for
transgender women, especially
around sexuality. Yet cisgender women and transgender
women both experience a
world full of sexism, misogyny
and patriarchal culture ...with
the transgender women also
getting the bonus struggles
of dealing with transphobia
and ciscentrism. Who am I to
police who gets to have access
to information about women's
sexuality? That belongs to all
women, cis and trans alike.
Many women turn to books
like Fifty Shades of Grey for
sex advice. Is that a good
resource?
It is a good gateway book,
for the person who has never
before considered that they
might be kinky, and reading
this book made them hot
and bothered and hungry
for more, so they are getting
more accurate and realistic
information from books like
Playing Well with Others,
and by attending community
events. The book is written at
an 8th or 9th grade reading
level, which means it is accessible across different class and
education levels. All this being
said, the book is not an accurate representation of healthy,
consensual, risk-aware kink
and if someone like Christian
Grey came into almost any
local kink community preying
on newbie women, asking
them to sign a contract without ever having engaged in any
kink relationships, I would
hope that the community
would call him out and run
him out of town. It's Twilight
fan fiction, and given the unhealthy, emotionally abusive/
controlling relationships
starring in that series, I don't
think it is surprising that 50
Shades is the same.
Is there a queer-friendly
alternative to Fifty Shades
of Grey?
Not quite at that level of
popularity. However, lesbian
writer Laura Antoniou's Marketplace series is hands down
one of the most inclusive, well
written set of kinky fantasy
books out there. It includes
straight folks, queer folks,
accurate portrayals of many
kink practices, and a clear cut
creation of a fantasy world in
which kink can happen in a
different way, rather than trying to portray reality without
important bits like consent.
How would you recommend
women learn more about
their bodies and sexuality
in a culture that's so careful
with that information?
Reading in general, not just
my book, but books, websites,
and even listening to podcasts;
the last ten years or so have
blown up as far as the production of accessible information
around sexuality. I'd also suggest exploring your own body.
What feels good on your skin?
What outfits make you feel
hot and sexy? Are there scents
that really turn you on? The
more you know your body and
what gets your motor going,
the better you can understand
your own sexuality.
(shannakatz.com) •
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
BOOK REVIEWS
The settings and some of the
characters may seem like cli-
~·
PAGE
ches (steam rooms, Catholic
..... TURNERS
schoolgirls) but Best Lesbian
Etched On Me
elements. There is a balance
Erotica 2014 breathes new
life into these familiar erotica
By Jenn Crowell
of short and sexy romps
After running away from
and more character driven
home, Lesley Holloway
tales-and
begins to forge a new path
comedic gem that shouldn't
it closes with a
for herself with help from
be skipped. Amongst the
social worker Francesca,
fantasy it does also delve
schoolteacher Gloria and
into the darker territory of
roommate Clare. We follow
real life, drawing on lived
Lesley through thick and
experiences, both political
thin as she contends with
and personal.
the aftermath of trauma
-William Northup
from her childhood. When
Best lesbian Romance
2014
wounds from both past and
present threaten a future
with the one thing she holds
"A raw, unflinching lookat mental illness, and a sobering
yet empowering.reminder: in order to create a meaningful life, · •
precious in life, Lesley fights
sometimes it will take all the fight you have." .
Edited by Radclyffe
Unlike this
-BooKLIST
tooth and nail to prove her
year's col-
worth and gain the trust
lection of
she needs. Honest, frail and
erotica from
strong all at once-Lesley
is
Cleis Press,
set to become your favorite
steel-boot-sporting,
Best Lesbian
Kate
Romance
Bush-loving, self professed
2014 errs
"queer" single mother of all
medicate with habits
of breathing exercises and
time. Her story will resonate
that evolve into addic-
guided meditations that help
majority of its stories focus
with anyone who under-
tions. Co-authors Valerie
ground you and accept what
on couples building up to a
stands what it's like to do
Mason-John and Dr. Param-
many consider to be the
marriage proposal or dec-
battle with your mind while
abandhu Groves define
underlying message of the
laration of love. By the time
simply trying to remember
addiction as "any mental
Buddha's teachings: "every-
you're a few stories in, there's
to take a breath and just
or bodily habit that has a
thing changes."
an identifiable rhythm. How-
be here.
compulsive quality to it and
-Cygnus Fogle
ever, there are a handful of
-Cygnus Fogle
causes us to suffer." Along
with the authors' personal
Eight Step Recovery:
Using the Buddha's
Teachings to Overcome
Addiction
accounts (Mason-John has
By Valerie Mason-John
and Dr. Paramabandhu
Groves
is peppered with honest
Eight
Step
Recovery
personal experience with
standout stories. "Palabras"
Best lesbian Erotica
2014
. -..
bulimia nervosa and cocaine addiction) the book
recollections from dozens of
individuals with addictions
In a world
ranging from shopping to
hell-bent on
drinking to anger. Don't
mindless
let the spiritual jargon or
consumption,
intensity scare you off. The
people self-
book is packed with a variety
on the predictable side. A
, I"\
'
:.."'\
~~
BEST
LESBIAN
EROTICA
.
is a piercing look at a relationship from the eyes of a
.
woman who was told that
her intelligence would be
This year's
threatening to her partners.
collection
"Sepia Showers" focuses
of lesbian
on a lesbian who discovers
erotica
her mother's secret lesbian
fromLGBT-
history. If you appreciate a
owned
meet-cute followed by an
and -oper-
eventual happy ending, this
ated Cleis
Press is an arousing delight.
book has them in spades.
-William Northup
Using1hc:Suddha'11cachi"IP
toOVERCOMEAODICTION
f-omo.,:,rdbyGobotMar.!,M.D.,_._,,t
,...,_,.,,..,~.a..•.-
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
35
Who better to represent this
bold, androgynous brand
than adventurous actor
Traci Dinwiddie. "I am a true
tomboy. I'm spontaneous,
athletic, and enjoy getting
dirty," says Dinwiddie, who is
also a yogini, African drummer
and cyclist. She's the kind of
woman who wants to look
sexy in her play clothes, and
TomboyX doesn't make her
choose between fashion and
adventure-she can have
both with this line by strong
women, for strong women.
40
CURVE
MARCH
2014
FEATURES/
ST
ion is political.
the eco-fashion
ment, to the use
ir trade fabrics, to
the slogans on tees,
what we put on our
bodies expresses who
we are, what we feel
about the worldand more importantly,
how we feel about
ourselves.
So, what does it mean for those whose fashion choices are limited by
the size or shape their body? Add to that being queer or genderqueer,
and the opportunity to express oneself through fashion becomes challenging at best. Well, Bertha Pearl, creator of Size Queen clothing and
Teukie, creator of Rowdy Baubles jewelry, are calling bullshit on the
status quo with radical clothing and jewelry that is bright, glamorous
and oh-so-queer.
Size Queen began as an offshoot of Pearl's butch underwear company
Big Daddy Boxers. "It started around 2007 ;' Pearl recalls. "I had a small
booth at the Fat Girl Flea with some fun skirts and dresses:' Thanks to
Pearl's passion for bright, eye-catching fabrics, Size Queen immediately
caught on with bold fatshionistas. "It's my intention to have loud fabrics,
it's part of my fat activism;' explains Pearl. "You can't ignore the fabulous
fat person when they're wearing sparkly, bright colors. And I want people
to feel fantastic in my clothing. I try to make statement clothes, not
trendy clothes:'
42
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
JANUARY/FEBRUARY
2014
CURVE
43
''TEail■E'.
,~aillE•
~clclEl ■ttEr,
El~ITI ~11c1
• • ... ■ty.,,,
~ ••• .,.·1·
FEATURES/
''It'.
ST
tllTIE tC> l'ECl~IITI tllE
c111lt111l'Ee>f fc911lle>11''
- ll'EllE le>IC>llf!E
Nc(c9ll)lll11
',
'
...
'
''
,',' : ......~
?/.}::•::-:·.:·:/:)i\}:
',
,,
'.
,. ,·,..
...
.. .
:::":'::.::··
...:..... ..
.
·::•·•:• .·.·
,,
,
•• .• ·.,:,:.··,:
·=<<<\::
4
CURVE
45
TURES/
STYLE
''I l11e>w tllEIE
f!~l'ITIEllfl
~l'E
ITI~clE tC>
<EIEl>l'~t
E ITil' ·~·
(lalEEI' l>C>cll'•,,
-H~l'f!~l'lt~
''Till•
•
llf!ll~f
I
WE~I'
~
le>t.''
-"'C>ITil'
46
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
cll'EII
2014
all'E
;.
•
l)IE<E
C>ll ll~f!E,
l~ITI
ITil'
~., •• ;
Pearl's bold style has earned her a legion of dedicated fans.
"Size Queen is different from other plus~size lines because Bertha
doesn't create clothing that allows fatties to play it small, blend in
or disappear;' says burlesque star Irene Solonge McCalphin ( aka
Magnoliah Black of Rubenesque Burlesque). "Size Queen offers
us the opportunity to shine, be sexy, create sensation without
boundaries:'
"Fat people deserve access;' says fat activist Margarita Rossi.
'J\ccess to things we are usually expressly forbidden from being:
confident, beautiful, colorful, sexy and deserving of being
comfortable and having welUitting clothes:'
Unlike many plus~size lines, Size Queen really does cater to
every shape and size. 'Tm a superfat person who cannot buy
clothing in stores;' says writer and professor Elena Escalera
PhD. "It makes me so happy to have anything to wear-peri~
od. But it's wonderful to find something fun and exciting. We
are the forgotten, even among fat people or large size clothing
stores. It makes us invisible, every day. Size Queen sees us:'
It's this demand for visibility and inclusivity that makes Rowdy
Baubles jewelry the perfect companion for Size Queen clothing.
"I wanted to find a way to create something for my community;'
says Teukie, who's been designing jewelry since they were 15.
"I wanted to push against the idea of 'pride jewelry' as some~
thing junky and mass produced that we wear once a year and
create a new concept of 'queer adornment' that doesn't flatten
and erase queerness, and that can be accessed by folks of all
genders, all identities:'
What both Size Queen and Rowdy Baubles provide for
their clients-in addition to fierce clothing and bright brilliant
jewelry-is
the opportunity to be bold, fashionable and fabu~
lous. And with fat bias and queer phobia ever~present, it's still
a deeply radical thing to be visible, in every sense of the word.
Plus, it never hurts to be looking damn good while you're at it!
(sizequeenclothing.com, rowdybaubles.etsy.com) •
The multitalented Guinevere Turner is perhaps best known for
kick-starting the independent lesbian film movement with 1994's
Go Fish, a gritty black-and-white portrayal of lesbian culture.
Rose Troche, Turner's partner at the time, directed the film;
Troche and Turner co-wrote and co-produced it; and Turner
played a leading role. She then went on to write films such as
American Psycho and The Notorious Bettie Page-and even took
a walk on the wild side, playing the dominatrix Tanya Cheex in
Preachingto the Perverted.She was a writer for the first two (and
arguably the best) seasons of The L Word, in which she also had a
cameo role as Alice Pieszecki's unscrupulous ex-girlfriend, Gabby
Deveaux. In 2005, Turner directed
the short film Hung, a festival favorite
in which a group of lesbians suddenly
develop penises. Now she is making her
debut as a feature-film director with Creeps,which she co-wrote
with her best gay male friend, Jose Mufi.oz. Munoz died shortly
after this interview was conducted and although Turner declined
to comment on his passing, she reiterated her hopes for the future
of the film and its crowdfunding potential.
Before we get into this, I came across breaking news. I
heard mention of Go Fish 2! Is this true?
Well, Rose and I have been talking about it for years, and coming
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
47
up with different approaches. People seem
to be excited about it, too. But we live on
different coasts, so it's hard to work on it!
We have had many hilarious ideas and
have had fun talking about it and cracking
ourselves up.
Instead of being about coming out,
Go Fish is about lesbians living their
lives, navigating relationships and
work. Has this approach to telling
gay stories gained momentum
since1994?
And then some! Now we have all kinds
of complicated characters-on
TV, even!
We forget that the idea of Queer Eye for
the Straight Guy was so unthinkable back
in 1994. When I first saw that show, my
jaw dropped to the floor. And Will and
Grace was just about friends. Nowforget about it! There are so many LGBT
characters-well, not so much T-on TV
that it's hard to keep track. And I feel like
I have the luxury of not keeping track, if I
don't feel like it.
The L Word is another example of
lesbian and queer characters getting
to just live their lives. The show
ended in 2009, but its mythology is
very much alive in the lesbian and
queer communities. What do you see
as the lasting impact of the show?
Ha, I was just telling the story the other
day about how a disgruntled lesbian and
L Word fan came up to me once when the
show was on and said, "I am never telling
anyone my story again! I tell someone
something and it's on The L Word the
next season!" And I was thinking, "Honey,
nobody's stealing your story-your
life
just isn't that unique! Dyke drama is
dyke drama!" I think the lasting impact is
a generation of women who want to have
hair like Shane and Alice! I jest. I think
it was great for what it was, and opened
doors in some ways. In other ways it was
like, "OK, we can't do a lesbian showShowtime already did that!" So I was
really glad when Orange Is the New Black
came out. Because the only thing more
entertaining than dyke drama is dyke
drama in jail!
The L Word production team is an
impressive community of creative
lesbians. You made your first film
with Rose Troche, and Creeps is
a project you undertook with a
longtime friend. How would you
characterize the role that friends and
community play in your career?
48
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
I am very much a collaborative person.
It's more fun for me that way. Being
in the writers' room on The L Word
was such a fun process-not
the usual
solitary experience of a writer. My film
community-predominantly
an LGBT
one-has
been a huge influence on my
work. Here in L.A. we help each other
and work on each other's projects and
recommend each other for jobs. Alison
Kelly will shoot Creeps, and that will
probably be the tenth production we've
worked on, with me either directing or in
front of the camera. Jamie Babbit helped
me direct my first short, and then we did
Breaking the Girls together, years later. It's
cool like that!
When you encounter fans, do they
confuse you with your characters?
[Laughs] My favorite was when a woman
came up to me during The L Word and said,
"Wow, you're a real bitch:' My character
on that show, Gabby Deveaux, was indeed
a nightmare, and I sort of laughed, but
she looked mad, like she really thought
I was Gabby and didn't get that I was an
actor. I was a little nervous that she was
going to tell me off. But usually people just
loved Go Fish and are excited to meet me
and super warm and full of compliments,
which I like. People always want to tell me
how old they were when they saw itwhat it meant to them. I hear stories about
coming out, coming out to their parents,
realizing you could be an out actress, all of
that stuff. It's great and makes me feel like
I've done a good thing.
In your interview on Margaret Cho's
podcast, you describe the story
behind Creeps as the journey of a
friendship, how best friends can
either help or hinder each other.
We've been seeing a lot of stories about
female friendships-in
Girls and Sheila
Heti's novel How Should a Person Be?, for
example. It's different in Creeps because
the friendship is between a lesbian and a
gay man, but it is the story of a friendship,
a platonic friendship where heterosexual
love doesn't figure prominently.
How was it to write a story of
friendship, compared to, say, a love
story, or horror?
Well, since I was actually coming up with
the story with my real best friend, it was a
total hoot. A lot of it is based on stuff that
happened to us in real life. I feel like the
friendships between lesbians and gay men
are wildly underrepresented
in LGBT
cinema, but I have so many gay friends! I
enjoyed writing it, versus a love story, for
example, because these are people who
don't really have to be nice to each other,
and so very often they are not. They are
like family, and so the boundaries are
different. It's fun to explore.
What inspired Creeps and how did
you decide to make it happen?
My best friend [was] an academic and
he was on sabbatical here in L.A., so we
just started messing around with it. I was
really interested in making gay characters
who are flawed and messy. That's the thing
we have earned the right to be now! I just
picked it up again, after almost 10 years,
and decided, "I like this story-let
me
make it current and make it in L.A. and
get it made:' I get antsy if I don't get to be
part of things that move forward. There is
a lot of stasis in this business, and I just
got itchy for action.
This is your first feature as a director.
Why did you decide to direct?
Yes, it's my first feature. I've directed five
short films and always knew I would move
on to features. It's so fun and challenging
and I love it!
What stage are you at in the
production?
Right now we are just raising money!
Hard core! Lots and lots of social media
and talking about the movie and getting
the word out there.
Your lndiegogo campaign fell short
of its $200,000 goal. What now?
Hoping to raise the $200,000, obviously!
But if not, to create momentum and
awareness of the project and find other
potential funding sources.
Even ifI had raised the $200,000, which
was our goal, I would have used that to
leverage raising twice that much. So I will
use this $50,000 to go out in the world
and get investors, approach production
companies, et cetera. It's one of the great
things about crowdfunding-it
allows me
to say, "Look! Seven hundred people were
willing to give money to see this movie get
made! And look at all of this press. The
fact that I am making a movie is press~
worthy:' That's important currency in the
modern indie film process.
If time and budget were limitless,
and you could make any story into a
film, what would it be?
Oh geez! Lesbian James Bond. I've
been saying that since we made Go Fish!
(guinturner.com) •
hen it comes to spilling her
heart and soul to thousands
of complete strangers, Mary
Lambert is no rookie. The singer,
songwriter, and spoken word
artist has a knack for digging
deep and bringing forth the most
vulnerable of topics, and arenas
full of listeners have no choice but
to let her powerful emotions wash
over them. Well-known for featuring
in Macklemore's hit "Same Love," Lambert recently
signed with Capitol Records and performed live at the
2014 Grammy Awards. She is on the rise as a breakout
solo artist and is making a name for herself in a
hugely competitive industry. Identifying her greatest
strengths as singing and crying, the openly gay
feminist is honest and up-front about everythingfrom love to body image to sexual abuse. Prepare to
be slammed with a slew of emotions as Lambert's
voice and lyrics encompass your heart and connect
with you in a way no one but your best friend ever
has before. Her relationship with femininity, her body,
and self-doubt intertwine with her vocals to wrench
your gut while somehow embracing you warmly.
Regardless of whether you need something deep
and dark or an empowering message that you won't
be able to resist Lambert has you covered. She's a
woman you can expect to hear much more from with
her forthcoming full-length album, which
is being finessed by the producers of Sara Bareilles,
Tori Amos and Adele.
How has life changed since your success with "Same
Love" and "She Keeps Me Warm"?
for someone to tap me on the shoulder and say,"Get the hell our:'
After your performance at the Grammys do you feel
more comfortable in the spotlight now?
It takes me a while to remember that I'm sort of an anomaly-I'm
a plus~sized queer woman that wants to talk about body image
and sexual abuse on a major label and it's not only accepted but
it's supported by the label and the fan base and the audience. That
is how it should be but it's not always, so I feel really lucky to be
in the position that I'm in. I think the Grammys sort of solidified
that for me. I'm singing about gay rights and very explicitly about
being a lesbian and Keith Urban's crying at it. The beauty of the
entire performance, of Queen Latifah being there, and I sang with
Madonna, so, you know ... l didn't even have that on my bucket list.
Gay rights at the Grammys. Do you feel that suddenly
we are making progress as a community?
I think it's a very rapid evolution of thought at least from when I
was in high school to now. Even the last three years in terms of gay
rights and social acceptance, it stretches beyond tolerance-it's
actual love for your friends and neighbors and the queer community.
Madonna is known for picking hot young female musicians to perform with at awards ceremonies but in her
performance with you it seemed completely heartfelt.
Yeah, it totally was. When I found out she was performing with
me I was speechless. I couldn't even believe that was happening
with me. Part of me was a little worried, making sure that the
integrity of the song stayed there so that it wasn't like her previous
duets on award stages. But as soon as we started having rehearsals
it seemed like everything was taken very seriously. Everybody
knew how important and impactful the performance would be.
I know I did because I was the one crying all the time. I cried for
almost 10 hours straight the day before during rehearsal.
It hits me every day-like, is this real? Does this really happen to
people? Why am I this person who gets to have all these incredible
things? This gets to happen to me? I get really worked up about it.
I'm just trying to take it in every day and not for one second feel
entitled. I just want to feel grateful for every moment.
I heard she wiped your tears.
She did, she did, she wiped my tears! I remember standing there.
We're at dress rehearsal, all of the gay couples are there, Queen
Latifah is there, Madonna's standing next to me singing about gay
rights and I just start crying and Madonna stands there wiping my
tears and I'm like, In what world does this exist when last year I
was bartending? How does it really happen?
How did you feel while performing at the VMAs with
Macklemore and Jennifer Hudson?
Stupid. All of it was stupid. It was ridiculous. I have to create
this other person who can handle all this shit. A year ago I was
working a bunch of jobs, I broke my ankle and was trying to
figure out how to pay rent. Then I sang about social impact with
Macklemore and Jennifer Hudson at the VMAs in a glittery dress
and it was really beautiful. It takes time for your brain to catch up
with what your body's doing. I just don't want to take any of it for
granted. I want to be just as excited as I am right now, always. I'm
really terrified that I'm going to get blase about my life, so at the
VMAs I was really trying to take in every moment. I get over~
whelmed really easily, but I've created this person who's like, "Yeah,
I belong here. I'm fucking standing where I need to be:'I'm waiting
You've earned it! You're out and proud and a role model for our community. How do you feel about queer
celebrities who don't come out? Should we push them
out of the closet or let them be?
I think we should let them be. The public thinking they have knowl~
edge of a person's gayness, I think it's really unhealthy. You're not
in their situation; it's not your career that you have to go through.
Weve come a long way from Ellen DeGeneres' show being cancelled
when she came out so it's becoming more common for celebrities
to come out because theres more of a widespread acceptance and
the industry is hopefully not going to discriminate. It's also aided
by visibility.The only way that the industry will change is through
visibility but I don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to push
somebody into accepting their own sexual orientation.
50
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
FEATUREstCOVER
11
What does the hook in Same Love" mean to you? Has
it changed over time?
When I first wrote the hook I wanted it to be something that hit
people emotionally. I felt like the song hit people in a very rational
way and made them think, but I wanted to be able to make them
feel. The good news is that I'm super~emotional. It was really easy
to write this because that's what I do. Then it sort of became an
anthem for allies. People have adapted it to be a universal love
song, and that's amazing. I've also struggled with it. My girlfriend
and I broke up, so how could I sing"She Keeps Me Warm'' every
night? I'm really vulnerable when I'm on stage, and those words
became really lifeless and didn't have meaning to me. I can shout
all day about how I can't change, but for me the song felt applicable
because I was in a relationship. But if you don't love anybody, then
what are you singing about? Then a couple of nights ago I just
felt it. It all came back. I sang the snot out of it and it felt so good.
There was emotion in it and rawness and joy at the end. I'm really
excited about it again.
What made it change?
I'm seeing someone. I don't base it solely on that, though-the
crowd was also amazing. The crowd was so intensely excited to see
me. It was all of that welcoming energy, along with my just having
signed with Capitol Records. At that moment I thought to myself,
"No, I'm regaining control. This is my career:'
Some people have said that as a straight artist
Macklemore is exploiting queer people by writing a
gay anthem. They've criticized him for it. What do you
think about that?
I think that we should always be critical-especially of things
people are being congratulated for. But honestly, in this case, the
criticism is offensive to me. It discounts me as a gay woman. It
totally tosses me aside. This is my story, too. I think the beauty of
the song is that we're both speaking from our own points of view.
I don't think he's appropriating the gay struggle. He's coming from
his point of view, which is as an ally.You can hear it in his lyrics.
I think the best writers only write from their own perspective. I
know that criticism is welcome in all of these avenues, but it's also
really important to validate small steps. That's what it is. I say,
"Screw 'em:'
What do you think about other people covering your
work?
It's crazy. When I watched it on The Voice,the whole crew piled
into my hotel room and it was like a family thing. We were so
excited. When the performer said, 'Tm singing Mary Lambert;' I
was like, "Shut the fuck up:' I couldn't believe it. I don't have words.
Tell us about your track "I Know Girls (Bodylove)."
That poem is the most important thing I've ever written. I wrote it
at a time I really needed it-I was self~harming and sleeping with
everyone who thought I was attractive. I hated my body, I was
miserable, I wanted to die, and I was being reckless. Since I get to
perform it so often, I have the most amazing view of my body now.
It's because I have a mantra. I love that it's had such an impact on
girls. I want the song to be big, and not just for my ego. The reason
I want it to be heard and to be on the radio is because of the
ST
impact it can have. This song can do so much good. I'm pushing
really hard for it to be on the radio. I just feel very lucky to be able
to perform it so often.
You've said that you're good at both crying and singing-are the tears good or bad?
I cry all the time. I was actually thinking last night, "How many
times did I cry today?" I've already cried twice in this interview. I
feel everything so intensely. More often than not I'm crying about
how wonderful everything is because words can only express so
much. The night I sang with Ed Sheeran at our show in Buffalo,
he played us his new record and I just cried in Macklemore's
arms. I was sobbing because it was so beautiful-and I was a little
drunk. It's very common for people to see me crying on the tour.
I'm moved really easily.
How have you coped with the changes since your last
relationship ended?
I think I've learned some lessons through the breakup. A lot of
that had to do with me being very vocal about my relationship
with my girlfriend. I talked about it in interviews all the time, it
was on my Wikipedia page, and there are pictures everywhere.
Those will stay with her. It's not fair for her anonymity. I'm going
through some massive changes and am not the same person I was
three years ago-hell no, not even close. Three years ago, I was
wasted all the time and I slept in my car. I'm not that person any~
more. I'm now independent and self sufficient. I've never felt more
sure or clear of where I am. I feel really good about that.
Your book 500 Tips for Fat Girls doesn't actually have
any tips in it. Describe the poems in the book and what
purpose they serve.
The poems span my life. They are locked into the idea of vulnera~
bility. I talk about being bipolar, about my incest, about rape, and
about body image in a very honest and terrifying way. In music,
you can say those things and often disguise and structure it. With
poetry, you're writing exactly how you feel. It's much more raw.
The book is just a series of experiences that have affected me,
and I hope to affect other people because there are a lot of shared
experiences in it.
Your poetry is so frank and honest. Was it hard for a
you to really go there and reveal so much of your
inner life?
That's the crazy thing-it's not. It's harder for me to tell a coworker,
"Yeah, I was totally molested by my dad" than to say it in front of
a thousand people. When I look at my audience, I know they're
there because they want to be. My audience supports me and likes
what I do, and I automatically feel safe with them. That's why
it's easier on stage. I'm very open in my personal life, too. I'll talk
about it all. You don't want to hear that shit at dinner, though. I
want to be talking about it on a larger platform.
You've talked about femme invisibility in the past.
Now that you are an out artist, has that gone away?
And if so, how does it feel to be more visibly queer?
I joke and say that people didn't know I was gay before, and I had
to constantly prove mysel£ I wrote this song so that I wouldn't
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
53
have to fight for myself at a gay bar [laughs]. I'm so happy and
grateful to go around the country singing about how I gay I am
and have people be totally cool with it. It's crazy. Sometimes in the
queer world I didn't feel like I fit in because I didn't have a cool
haircut. And I tried. I cut my hair short and had my flannel jacket
and that was fine. That was me, that was where I needed to be
when I came out. Now, I'm just not that person anymore. I've gone
through different incarnations, and I'm really happy about wearing
beautiful dresses every night, and I'm proud of my femininity and
my gayness.
When do you first remember
feeling the pressure of having to
maintain a certain body image?
How has that changed since
you've become more famous?
When I was 9. That wasn't the first
time that I cried about my body, but
it was the first time that I realized I
was bigger than everybody else. God,
that sucked. I lost a bunch of weight
when I was dancing in high school,
and then gained it all back. I hated
myself and tried to commit suicide for
several reasons. I was miserable. I wrote
"Bodylove" and then I went through
a series of healing years. Now I'm in
the public light. I feel like people have
really embraced me as a plus~size girl,
as an advocate for gay rights, and for talking
about body image. I feel so accepted and loved
by all communities. I've never felt better about
my body. I feel more beautiful than I ever have
before. It's amazing.
You've been open about your relationship with your body when you've dealt
with abuse and mental illness. But as an
artist, your body is your instrument. Do
you often think about it in that way?
I honestly think about it less than I have before,
because I've come to a really beautiful place of
understanding with my body. I've been practicing listening to it
for so long now that we have a really good relationship with each
other. I think I just care less than I have before. Writing is one of
those things where you're constantly picking apart a process. You
have to sort through all that shit or you're going to be crazy for the
rest of your life, or hate yoursel£ or feel sad. That's what writing
was for me-exposing a lot of those parts that sucked. It also felt
good-being able to talk about them and having other people
to relate to.
What is the best advice you could give someone who is
dealing with sexuality and body image issues?
You are in control of your own happiness. I believe that everybody
deserves happiness and the absolute best. Self~worth is something
that's been depleted for so many people, and it's the root of a lot
of sadness. We forget how worthy and beautiful we are. The way I
54
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
figured it out was having a really great support system. I surrounded
myself with people that got me. They're out there. The sooner you
understand yoursel£ the sooner you can embrace yoursel£
How have you felt about some of the reviews for your
EP Welcome to the Age of My Body?
The cool thing is that I went to an arts college where they gave me
adjudications every semester and sometimes ripped me apart and
the times that I was picked apart was because it was too personal
and too vulnerable. And not to say that they just don't get it. I
think that a lot of the criticisms [of the EP] are sometimes that it
was put together too quickly.To be honest, we did put it out quickly
because we wanted an introduction to who I was to the world.
We wanted to get "She Keeps Me Warm" onto an EP and it made
sense to do it quickly. As far as the integrity of the music goes, I'm
really proud of it. If anything, I can't wait to show you what's next,
I can't wait to show you the other thing I've been working on. I'm
just excited to show what's going on in my world.
When is your full-length album out?
I'm shooting for June or July. I've been working really hard and
I've been co~writing for the first time in my life. I've been pushing
myself in ways that I probably normally wouldn't. I feel like I'm
doing a sound that I've never really heard before and that I'm
excited about and other people will be excited about. I think it's
going really well. It's confessional but I think it's got a bit of edge to
it too. I wrote my first sexy song and I wrote my first angry song,
so there's some range in it. I want to explore different facets of my
emotional connection to my music.
You're currently seeing Michelle Chamuel. What did
you two do for Valentine's Day?
I had a show in New York and it was a very special show, it sold
out and I was so happy. It was a beautiful night and I wore a really
pretty dress and [Michelle] came out to New York and we had a
really nice time. You really want to treasure those moments that
you have with your partner.
How did you and Michelle meet?
We were working on music together, and I think music is one of
those things-it's a really soulful connection. I thought she was
wonderful, instantly. But [romance] wasn't in my head though.
The focus was music and that's also translated in our lives, too. I
want to be really focused on my career and when we were working
together that was the intention.
Do you think that new love can heal past trauma?
I think in a lot of ways, yes. But I think you have to make sure that
in a relationship those wounds you've felt in past trauma are taken
and healed by yourself and that the relationship is not a Band~Aid
or a crutch-it's not a solution to problems. But there's definitely a
comfort that someone else can bring.
Now having been witness to the big group wedding at
the Grammys do you see yourself getting married?
Definitely. I mean, no time soon. I have a lot to accomplish before I
settle down. I'm just really excited about everything that's happening.
(marylambertsings.com) •
,
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
.......
.. .
.• .. ..
•.. .
.•.•.... ...
..
•.. .
••
..... ...
.•• . .
.• .. ..
..... ...
.•.... ...
.•.... ...
.•• .. ..
•.. .
.•.... ...
.•.... ...
•.. .
.•.... ...
•.. .
•.. .
...... ....
••
•.. .
...... ....
..
••
•.. .
...... ....
.•• .. ..
..... ...
.• ... ...
•
••.. .
.•.... ...
••
.• .. ..
.• .. ..
.• .. ..
•.. .
..
••
e
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•e •
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•• •
e
•
•
•
• •
e
e
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
• •
•• •
•
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•
•
e
• e• •
•
e
e
e
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
e
e
• e• •
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
• •
e
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
e
•
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
•
•
• •
e
•
e
•
•
e
• e• •
e •
•e •
•
•
e
•• •
•
•
e
e
• e• •
e
•
I
hether you're seasoned in the art of the sen~
sual sashay or a curious newcomer interested
in how burlesque challenges heteronormativity,
BurlyCon is sure to satisfy. The provocative conven~
tion features over 100 classes and workshops and more than 40
instructors equipped to teach the most titillating techniques. Each
class and hands on workshop is tailored to inspire, educate and
empower with topics ranging from flirty and fun instruction
in "Basic Bump and Grind" to more intellectual discussion
like "Race, Ethnicity and Color in Burlesque:' No stone goes
unturned, or feather unfurled, in this three~day weekend
packed with like~minded students eager to learn more about
the sensual art.
e
•
e •• •
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
.••e •..• •
I
BY ROSANNA RIOS-SPICER
•
•
e
•
BURLYCON
MAKES
THE
EMERALD
CITY
SHIMMER
AND
SHAKE.
56
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Producing this year's event is the very talented and quite queer
Miss Indigo Blue. Performing since 1994, Miss Indigo Blue is
the headmistress of Academy of Burlesque in Seattle and is
no stranger to showing skin with ample experience as both a
solo performer and as part of The Atomic Bombshells and Lily
Viraine Presents. Her performances range from quirky and campy
to glamorous and sexy with key acts on her tours that include a
queer reimagining of Wonder Woman and a lesbian ode to safer
sex: "No Glove, No Love:' Her enthusiasm for BurlyCon is rooted in
both her love for teaching and performing this creative and erotic
form of expression and for seeing a space that is open to all gen~
ders, sexualities and bodies-which
is what makes BurlyCon is
such an important event.
Learning to twirl tassels is an essential
skill any queer burlesque needs masterbut equally important is learning the his~
tory of queer performance. One doesn't
have to dig too deep into burlesque her~
story to find proud performers of the
queer persuasion, such as classic temptress
Satan's Angel. Burlesque is, after all, drag's
close cousin. New ways of expressing
our sexuality have developed into move~
men ts such as "Queerlesque" -a hot trend
emerging both across the stage and in
academic circles.
Lady lovers will be tickled to know that
BurlyCon caters to an audience that is ma~
jority women. It is not a woman~only space,
but expect to see both queer and straight
women of all orientations, sizes, abilities
and backgrounds. The most recent Guest of
Honor was Wild Cherry, a 1950s era classic
performer hailing from New Orleans.
BurlyCon is the place where each per~
former learns how to tell her own erotic
story, whether its by making her audience
giggle or thoughtfully reflect. As you dis~
cover the wonders of BurlyCon, you might
just uncover a little more about yourself.
(burlycon.org) •
,
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
.......
.. .
.• .. ..
•.. .
.•.•.... ...
..
•.. .
••
..... ...
.•• . .
.• .. ..
..... ...
.•.... ...
.•.... ...
.•• .. ..
•.. .
.•.... ...
.•.... ...
•.. .
.•.... ...
•.. .
•.. .
...... ....
••
•.. .
...... ....
..
••
•.. .
...... ....
.•• .. ..
..... ...
.• ... ...
•
••.. .
.•.... ...
••
.• .. ..
.• .. ..
.• .. ..
•.. .
..
••
e
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•e •
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•• •
e
•
•
•
• •
e
e
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
• •
•• •
•
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•
•
e
• e• •
•
e
e
e
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
e
e
• e• •
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
• •
e
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
e
•
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
• •
e
•
e
•
•
e
• e• •
e •
•e •
•
e
•• •
•
•
e
e
•
•e •
e
•
e
•
e
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
.••e •..• •
I
I
BY RACHEL SHATTO
•
•
•
WE
GET
HOT
AND
HEAVY
WITH
THE
WOMEN
OF
RUBENESQUE
BURLESQUE.
hen Rubenesque Burlesque steps onto the stage,
audiences take notice. Lead by Juicy D. Light,
this six~person troupe of fierce, sexy fat women is
challenging the way people see fat bodies, one saucy
number at a time.
Juicy had previously danced with Big Burlesque, but it wasn't long
after leaving before she heard the call back to the stage, founding
Rubenesque in 2007. "I was missing dance, I was missing commu~
nity, I was missing the presence of fat girls willing to strip;' she says.
60
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Her goal with Rubenesque was twofold: to put on a good show
and to offer an alternative view as to what constitutes beauty.
"I want everybody to be entertained. I want everyone to have
a good time. If someone has problems with their body, I hope
they see they're just fine. I hope that we're a mirror to the fat
world;' she says. "You're OK sis, you're alright, because every~
body says you're not doesn't make that true. In your definition
of beauty, you have to include yourself. I want people to start
including themselves:'
N
re,::
<(
~
I
uCf)
~
:::,
Soon she was searching for spaces to dance and women
to dance with. "There is always fat art and there are always
fat dancers, but I wanted a troupe, I wanted strength in num~
bers ... I wanted 20 beautiful big fat women stripping:'
Assembling this dream team was easier than one might ex~
pect. "We're a beacon. We put the light out and people come
to us when they're ready;' says Delight. "There's not a lot of
converting, a lot of, 'Hey, come on, you can do it: It's more,
'Come and play with us, and you see us, and you see how the
crowd reacts to us: If one feels that they are ready, they're
welcome to come seek us out:'
That's exactly how Kitty Von Quim, who has been with
Rubenesque for six years, joined. "I found out that there was
a local group that was doing a runway show with Big Moves.
Rubenesque Burlesque was performing and I was like,
'Whoa!' It was totally a mind~blowing experience;' recalls
Kitty. "Not only were they fat kids dancing, they were fat
kids who take their clothes off. I said, 'I'd like to do that' and
Juicy said, 'Absolutely, please do: I went to rehearsal and I
haven't left:'
For Lucia N. Habitions, it was the fulfillment of a lifelong
dream. "I had been watching burlesque and collecting bur~
lesque memorabilia since I was in high school and I started
going to see the local Hubba Hubba Review here and that's
where I saw Rubenesque;' Lucia says. "I had always wanted to
do it, but I never thought anyone would be interested in see~
ing me naked-or half naked. So I basically went up to Juicy
afterward and told her how amazing I thought they were and
she said I should come to a rehearsal, and so I did. I've been
here ever since and it's been about four and a half years now:'
For the troupe's newest member, Rue B. Tickles, discover~
ing fat community and Rubenesque was life changing."! went
to an event called A Fatty Affair last January, which at the
time I thought was just a clothing swap but
I went and it was this magnificent day filled
with speakers and dancers-fat
dancers. I
heard [Rubenesque member] Magnoliah Black
speak at that event and she kind of blew my
mind;' says Rue, who shares: 'Td always gone
drastically up and down in weight and I was
this close to getting weight loss surgery and
on that day it dawned on me that that was
not the right path and that I had been looking
at everything wrong. So I started looking at
everything in a totally different way. [Joining
Rubenesque Burlesque] is part of that:'
While Rubenesque's performers all came to
the troupe through different avenues, the im~
pact that being a part of it has made on their
lives is universally positive.
"It's thrilling;' says Rue. "I love to perform
anyway in many capacities, so I love that part
of it. I love that they take care of each other. I
actually lead, in my professional life, a pretty
conservative life, so for me I kinda have a wild
thing part of myself that is a little too intense
for everyday life but I get to express that so it's
very nourishing for me to do that:'
"We've basically created a little family;' adds
Kitty. "I didn't really have that many fat friends
before I found these girls. My wife, who's a size
two, when I'm having one of my fat days she
doesn't necessarily understand-I
love her
dearly but she doesn't get it. It's a place to check
mysel£ it's a place to keep fighting the good
fight. It's having the support of people who'll
say,'Let's fight this, let's change this idea of us:
It's revolutionary and that's what I absolutely
love. It's a little rowdy group that doesn't want
to take 'you can't' for an answer:'
Rowdy is a perfect word to describe
a Rubenesque performance, as they are
definitely audacious, erotic, funny and
more than a little confrontational. And
the audiences eat it up-once
the initial
surprise wears off. "We were at a show
where we were performing in front of a
myriad of people, an audience that prefers
to be shocked at a show called Tourette's
Without Regrets;' recalls Kitty. "There
were barely any fat people in the audience
and you could sort of hear their shock
at the beginning, and then just how they
warm up and fall a little bit more in love.
At the end it's not 'fat performers' it's 'these
performers: Yeah, we're fat, we're always
going to be fat, can we put that aside to see
what else we're doing?"
Everybody has self doubt, don't get me
wrong;' says Kitty,"but if we didn't have an
overall acceptance and love it would be so
easy to already be defeated as soon as we
got up there, to hear that laughter and say,
'Here we go again: But instead, we think,
Tm going to show them, show them what
to think: We're telling the story instead of
letting them dictate where it's going to go:'
The secret to their success (aside from
their sheer va~va~voomness), according to
Juicy, is confidence. "I think it's the illu~
sion of fearlessness. We make eye contact.
We engage the audience. You cannot run,
we're here and we're looking at you. It's not
television:'
It takes a special kind of bravery to step
on stage and take off your clothes, even if
the crowd is hooting and cheering with
delight, but to do it after a lifetime of
being told your body is undesirable, now
that takes guts (pun intended). But for
Juicy, it's part of a larger philosophy, that
of living an "authentic life:' Juicy explains,
"Living an authentic life is basically doing,
being, creating, owning. If you want to do
something, do it, as living your authentic
life. If you want to write, write. If you
want to date, date. People really have us
fooled that no one's going to want to date
us, but nothing could be further from
the truth. I mean, really:' If you have a
vagina, you can have a date. There's going
to be someone who wants to be up in it.
If you want to sit at home and do noth~
ing, it's because you've chosen that, not
because you're not desired. If youre not
dancing, it's because you've chosen not to
dance, not because nobody wants to see
you move:'
"Don't let anything hold you back,"
adds Lucia. "Don't put things off un~
til the right moment or what you think
your body should look like for things,
live your life now in the body you have
now and live every day the way that you
want to. All bodies are beautiful and all
bodies can dance and everyone should
do the things that make them happy re~
gardless of what society tells them they
should do:'
"There's no time like the present;' Kitty
adds. "The longer you wait, the longer it
takes. As long as you're up there with
confidence ... people have to take notice
of you. They have to, because you love
yourself and you're up there. Don't wait,
because when you wait you have regrets:'
For those not quite prepared to take the
plunge and attend one of Rubenesque's
open rehearsals, Juicy ended our conver~
sation with an inspiring challenge: "Not
everybody wants to strip. Skinny girls
don't want to strip. You're modest, I get it.
But whatever it is you want to do to live
your best authentic life, do it and see what
happens:' (rubenesqueburlesque.com) •
,
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
.......
.. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.•.•. ... ...
.•. .. ..
••
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
... ... ...
.•. .. ..
.. .. ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
••
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .
••
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
•••
... ... ...
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
••
••. . .
..• .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
.•. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
••
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•e •
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•• •
e
•
•
•
• •
e
e
•
•
• •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•
•
e
• e• •
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
e
e
e
• e• •
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•e •
• •e •
•• •
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
• e• •
•
• •• •
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
.•• •..• •
I
I
ntersectio
•
BY SONDRA SOLOVAY & GALADRIEL MOZEE
E
atphobia
permeates
the
culture. In the United States,
cry few laws prohibit weight
crimination. Fat people face
harassment and discrimination on the
job, in schools, when renting homes, when
seeking medical care, when shopping,
and when parenting. While the Equal
Opportunity Employment Coalition has
recognized that legal protections likely
exist for individuals on the higher end
of the weight spectrum, plenty of people
don't qualify for those protections. Some
mainstream groups have taken the familiar "love the sinner, hate the sin" attitude
toward fat folks; they agree that fat people should have basic civil rights, as long
as they have weighdoss goals-so they
are still promoting the use of weight as a
stand-in for health.
Nolose is a nonprofit organization
working to "end the oppression of fat people and create a vibrant fat queer culture:'
One of the exciting aspects about the
Nolose approach is the understanding that fatphobia, as thier bylaws
state, is "integrally linked to other social justice issues, such as the women's
movement, the anti-racist and anti-imperialist struggles of people of color
at home and around the world, the
queer and transgender movements,
class struggle, disability rights movements, and more. [Nolose believes]
beauty, morality, and health must be
divorced from size, shape, age, gender,
sex, race, ability, religion, and sexual
orientation:'
From inspmng
body-embracing dance troupes like Oakland's
Raks Africa, to Nolose's People of Color
(POC) caucus, to the Canada-based "It
Gets Fatter" video project, the work to
center the voices of people of color within
the fat justice movement, and specifically
within the queer fat movement, has long
been gaining momentum. Because many
of the funded scientific studies and much
targeted diet propaganda focus on the
64
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
bodies of people of color, and utilize wellknown people of color as spokespersons,
it is easy to see that the war on fat has become a war on bodies of color. The
voices of fat queer people of color
are challenging this colonized paradigm, which exists in mainstream
and queer culture alike.
Revisiting past work is helpful
in understanding and communicating the important intersection of
fat justice, queer community, and
communities of color. The wisdom
that precedes us lays a foundation
for the work to come. Taking a
look back to powerful moments in
a movement's past creates access
points for new people and new
insights. Listening to the many
amazing people of color who were
Nolose Conference keynote speakers in the last several years, it is easy
to spot common themes.
Bianca Wilson, a biracial lesbian who
spoke at the 2010 Nolose Conference
( theme: Fat Panic), focused on the
weight-health paradigm and how it
affects work with black lesbian and bisexual women. "Incorporating an analysis of
race means more than challenging how
white fat community does or does not
include the needs of POCs in social spaces;'
she explains. In her talk, she discussed
the need to reject the dominant health
framework that equates fat with illness.
In her 2013 keynote talk (theme:
Survival of the Fattest), Fresh, a fat black
dyke and poly-rural Southern girl, echoed
Wilson's observations. Fresh is organizing
a community cafe in Chicago as part of her
food justice and accessibility work. She is
also involved with a farm and eco-campus
that has Healthy Food hubs in communities of color. One consequence of using
weight as a proxy for health is the way it
poisons the food justice movement. 'Tm
constantly in communities where others
fighting for food justice and accessibility to
fresh food are doing so on the 'fight obesity;
'anti-fat' bandwagon, so there is a need to
have tools to fight and survive;' Fresh reports. 'Tm also often amongst folks who
are not self-advocating. They are fighting for what they think others need, not
necessarily fighting for themselves, or
their experiences, or even their personal
communities:'
Fatphobia
iscommonplace.
Even
among
queers,
thegeneral
assumption
isthat
we
areallonthesame
page
about
fat.Actually,
wearenot
even
reading
thesame
book.
TaMeicka Clear, a selfidentified black
cis female big~bodied code switcher, focused
her keynote talk on intergenerational heal~
ing and her own story of survival. She
discussed the challenges of visibility and
self~advocacy within Nolose. "I attempt
to bring all of me to the table without ex~
ploiting my community or contributing
to the villain~ization of black life, black~
ness, or black men, as my father was very
fat~shaming when I was a kid. That is the
work I do often-being
in queer/activist
space and having to be very intentional
and careful with my blackness and black~
ness [in general];' she says, adding,"! want~
edit to be clear that spaces like Nolose are
beautiful yet complicated:'
The reality of the ways in which people
who have multiple and overlapping iden~
tities are required to parse themselves out
when trying to find community is a com~
mon theme among the keynote speakers
who are people of color. Collette Carter,
who describes herself as black fat queer
and
working class,
describes the
conference as
"one of the
spaces where
I felt I could
be all of my~
self, even as
a fan of pop
culture and
science fiction:' While Nolose is no utopia,
Carter reports, "It is an amazing string of
experiences that define a person and the
places that both replenish and challenge
our point of view. It is not an easy skill to
build community across difference, even
when there is a larger identity as a grav~
itational pull. How we prepare to engage
and build community power is only as
strong as our ability to listen, share, be
accountable, and have hard conversations
located within a shared historical context:'
Carter goes on to explain: "Growing up in
a country where I felt I was not supposed
to survive, and understanding that many
others have also felt the same, I wanted
my keynote to reflect the possibilities and
opportunities embedded in that energy, if
harnessed intentionally:'
Harnessing that energy is crucial for
survival. Fat oppression is a weapon that
targets people of size, but hurts every~
one. It promotes the belief that if we are
to be worthy of happiness and respect,
our bodies must meet a set of cook~
ie~cutter criteria. Those beauty expec~
rations put the thin, white, able~bodied
heterosexual at the center of the dialogue,
and normality; the further a person's lived
experience is from that center, the greater
the cost of that person's existence. This
narrow lens creates a dynamic whose pri~
mary function is to exclude and separate.
Queers are constantly trying to widen
that lens, because we know too well how
easy it is to be left out of the picture. We
strive to build bridges and connections
that span and represent our whole iden~
tity. Our work in these areas is often the
humbling experience of acknowledging
our own bias and expectations, but it
creates countless opportunities to learn
and grow.
Our society thinks fat people should
be singularly focused on weight loss, so
everything we do to negate that is activ~
ism. The fat justice movement is about
speaking up when size prejudice is play~
ing out in your community, no matter
what your size. It is about questioning
biases and beliefs. It's recognizing that
fat oppression plays out differently across
cultural, identity, and geographic lines.
It's listening to people's experiences of
how that looks for them, and believing
that people have the right to their own
bodies. The fat justice movement is hap~
pening right now and there is plenty of
room to join.•
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
65
.•. •.. •..
•. •. •
.
•. •. •.
.• .• .•
.•. ..• .•.
.. .. ..
• • •
•
e
l
e
e
e
•
•
•
l
•
•
l
•
e
l
e
e
e
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
•
•
•
l
e
•
l
l
l
l
l
... ... ...
•
e
l
e
•
l
• • •e •
l
. ..
•. •. •
.. .. ...
• • •
•. •. •
.. .. ...
• • •
• • •
... ... ...
.• .• •.
.. .. ..
•. •. •
.. .. ...
. ..
•
e
l
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
l
•
e
l
•
e
l
e
e
l
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
l
•
l
•
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
e
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
.. .. ..
• • •
l
. ..
•. •. •
.. .. ...
.. .. ..
.• .• .•
• • •
•. •. •
. . ..
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
e
l
e
e
•
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
e
l
e
•
l
•
•
l
e
e
e
•
•
•
l
l
l
.. .. ..
. ..
l
• • •e •
•
e
l
l
.• .• .•
•. .
• •
.. .. ...
e
•
l
e
e
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
l
•
•
e
e
l
l
l
l
l
.... •..
l
l
l
,
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
.......
.. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.•.•. ... ...
.•. .. ..
••
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
... ... ...
.•. .. ..
.. .. ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
••
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .
••
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
•••
... ... ...
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
••
••. . .
..• .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
.•. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
••
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•e •
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
• •• •
•
•
•
•• •
e
•
•
•
• •
e
e
•
•
• •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•
•
e
•
• e• •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
e
e
e
• e• •
•
•
•
e
•
•
•e •
e •• •
• •
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•e •
• •e •
•• •
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
• e• •
•
• •• •
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•e •
•• •
.•• •..• •
I
I
te
•
Ca orC:
Solving Crintes,
Making Connections
THE
SUCCESSFUL
PSYCHIC
MEDIUM
EXPLAINS
HER
JOB
AND
HOW
BEING
AN
OUT
LESBIAN
ISIMPORTANT
TOIT. easy
BY MIA MANNS
ate Cadore is a psychic medium who consults with
private clients and also works with law enforcement.
She spoke to us from her home in Valencia, Calif.
Kate typically helps clients in two ways, with
life~path readings and by enabling them to
connect with deceased loved ones. She has always
been a psychic, but her gift opened up for her in 2006. Her mother,
Kate tells us, was also a psychic. A background in law enforce~
ment is the foundation of her work with local police agencies; she
uses her gift to give them information about criminals.
She describes her life~path readings as "a bit like going to a
therapist:' She takes a client's first name only and connects with "a
guide or higher energy source" that gives her information through
automatic writing. The letter that results will provide guidance
and answers for the client. The most common question people
have, says Kate, besides love and relationship questions, is what
is their purpose. "There's such a desire for people to have a deeper
meaning in life. They do, of course, want to share their life with
someone, but that's not always the first question that gets asked:'
She also says, "The ebb and flow of what people seek me out for
often has a lot to do with the economy and the state of the world:'
People come to her to talk about financial struggles and even to
ask for help with business decisions. Kate does emphasize, how~
ever, that she does not believe that any psychic or spiritualist can
tell anyone what the future holds for sure: Each of us is the master
of our own destiny, and our choices do matter.
The help people seek most often, she says, involves making
a connection with a lost loved one. Interestingly enough, Kate
knows ahead of time when a client will want to make a connec~
tion with the deceased. "I usually know before I get with a client
what it is that they want, not because they tell me but because
their deceased relative decides to show up in my house:' The pro~
cess is the same as with the life~path reading. She reads the client a
message that the deceased has given her through automatic writing.
When she's asked to work on criminal cases, sometimes law
enforcement officials will come to her to gather information, and
sometimes a victim's family members are the ones who'll approach
her. It's still somewhat unusual for law enforcement to include
Kate in an investigation. But attitudes are changing. "It's not an
66
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
thing. Law enforcement
is bureaucratic in many ways.
No one is really admitting to
the fact that they're using psy~
chic mediums for investigative
purposes, but it is becoming a
bit more common;' says Kate.
Since 1966, Kate says the
government has been making
use of psychic mediums, and
it is important to her that her
role in an investigation is rep~
resented accurately. Her work
usually involves the profiling
and apprehension of perpetra~
tors, and while she has not yet
been able to provide informa~
tion leading to the recovery of a
body, or the discovery of a lost
child, she hopes that that kind
of experience will open up to
her, because she would like to
help others in that capacity.
She has a really positive
attitude toward skeptics and
non~believers. "They are one of
the reasons I strive to be bet~
ter;' she says. Skeptics establish a
kind of quality control for her.
"If everyone just believed every~
thing that came out of psychics'
mouths, there wouldn't be any
challenge there:' Kate thanks
the skeptics for questioning
her work, and says, "It keeps
me humble, as well:'
She admits that there are
frauds in the business. "There
are people taking advantage of
individuals every day, claiming
that they have psychic abilities
and taking people's money:'
The fraudulent psychics don't
manage to build a reputation
in the business, but they do,
unfortunately, take advantage
of people who are seeking
guidance or a connection with
lost loved ones.
Kate's sexual identity is im~
portant to her work. It helps
her clients understand that she
will be accepting of their sexual
orientation, just as it would be
important for a patient in ther~
apy to know that the therapist
will understand and support
them as they deal with issues
that relate to sexuality.
Being an out lesbian is also
important to Kate's work in
that she is dedicated to hon~
esty and to seeking the truth
in every aspect of her life. The
issues her queer clients want
to talk about typically include
the way they feel about com~
ing out, being ostracized, de~
pression and suicide, HIV/
AIDS, the loss of a same~sex
partner, and, of course, rela~
tionship problems. Kate even
likes to think of herself as the
"Ellen of the psychic world"
and hopes that the real Ellen
doesn't mind.
"I want those in the com~
munity to know that there's
someone who is accessible to
them, and that they can come
to me and have an open forum,
be comfortable, be able to get
the help that they need:'
(katecadore.com) •
HAWAIIAN LUXURY RESORT
August30-September5 2014
1
Paradiseawaitsyou at the luxurious,five-starMauna LaniBay Hotel & Bungalows
TAKE PART IN OUR FIRST-EVERHEALTH AND WELLNESSPROGRAM!
MAYAN CARIBBEANCULINARY CRUISE
November23-30 2014
1
Tampa• Costa Maya • Santo TomasDe Castilla• MahoganyBay,Roatan • Cozumel • Tampa
SPEND YOUR THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY WITH OLIVIA
AUSTRALIA& NEW ZEALANDCRUISEODYSSEY
February13-24 2015
1
Sydney • Hobart • PortArthur • Fiord/andNationalPark• PortChalmers •
Akaroa • Wellington• Auckland
JOIN US FOR THE 25™ ANNIVERSARY OF OLIVIA TRAVELIN 2015!
Travelwith Olivia on one of these3 great
fun-filledlesbianvacations.
CALL (800) 631-6277 or VISIT OLIVIA.COM
Mention "CURVE100"
oliviaM
THE TRAVEL COMPANY FOR LESBIANS
CST#1009281040
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
•• •• ••
•e • • •.
... ... ..
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
.. .. ..
•. . .
•. . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .
••
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
•••
... ... ...
... ... ...
.• . .
•. . .
... ... ...
.. .. ..
••
••. . .
..• .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
•. . .
.•. .. ..
.• . .
•. . .
.. .
••
•
e
•
•
e
•
e
e
•
•
e
•• •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
• •
e •• •
•
•
•
• •
•
•
•e •
•
•e •
e
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
•
•• •
•e •
e •• •
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
e
•
•
e
•
•
• •
e •• •
e •• •
e
•
e
•
e
e
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
•
e
•• •
e
e
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
•
e
•
•
•e •
• •
•e •
•
•
•
•
•
•
• •
e
•
•
e
•
•e •
e •
•e •
e
•
•
•
e
•• •
•
•
e
e
• e• •
e
•
e
•• •
e
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
e
e
e
e
•
•
•e •
e
•
•• •
.•• •..•
I
I
I
all started with a dare.
XBoi had just split from their (FXBoi's preferred pronoun)
revious band and was on the musical rebound when they
met Pizza Cupcake, who joked that FXBoi should write a
song about tribadism (aka scissoring). Inspired, FXBoi took the
challenge and ran with it. The result was "Tribadism," GAYmous'
first song.
Soon after, FXBoi was contacted by queer electro musician
Nicky Click, who wanted GAYmous to open for her. "I kind of
bluffed, because we didn't exist as a band-we only had this tribadism dare song," recalls FXBoi. And with that, Pizza Cupcake and
FXBoi not only had a brand-new band-they had to write a full
set, pull together some choreography, get costumes, and find backup dancers. And they had a big fat deadline to meet. "It was a great
deadline. It was super-motivating," says FXBoi. "You know how
queers operate, we're the ultimate procrastinators. We have to be
on the hot seat to get anything done;' jokes Pizza Cupcake.
The timing was perfect, and now GAYmous is performing to
packed houses all over the San Francisco Bay Area. Audiences can't
get enough of their newly coined genre, Bay Area Slut Step.
So aside from throbbing beats, explicit lyrics, and unapologetically queer topics, what makes a band Slut Step?''I think it's a little
bit flippant, but it gets the point across;' explains Pizza Cupcake.
We're trying to create an environment at our shows that's very pleasure-friendly and very shameless, in the true sense of the word.
"Some of my favorite parts of the show, in terms of the stage
act, are bringing different people onto the stage and dancing up on
them, because for some people they've never taken the stage in that
way, and owned their sexuality in such a public way. It's really fun to
watch people come out of their shells," they add.
And nothing quite brings them out of their shell like the
GAYmous crowd-pleaser"FIST U:'"I love performing that song;'
says Pizza Cupcake, "because it starts out slow and you're not sure
what it's really about, and just watching people's faces change. We
got to perform it at the New Parish, which is a venue in Oakland,
and just seeing everyone in the audience making these little fisting
hands, it felt really good:'
"Some people need to work on their technique!" jokes FXBoi.
While on the surface their songs may seem naughty and irreverent, what inspired them was nothing short of revolutionary. "One
68
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
of the things that was important
to me;' explains Pizza Cupcake,
"was being a lead singer who is
unapologetically queer and fat
and genderqueer, so when I got
together with FXBoi I really
wanted to write songs that were
fun and sexy,but what was always
going to be the undercurrent was
this gender revolution, and also
fat positivity.
"When I wrote this song with
FXBoi called 'Cross Dress for
Less; it's all about hitting on fat
girls in the 'activebottom' section,
and that felt like the real first
moment of being able to bring
together the comedy and the political content. I'm also greedy- I
just want lots of hot fat people
to come to our shows. So if we
write songs about them, maybe
they'll come out. [Laughs] I want
a huge, fat, sexy,queer fan base:'
And if you ask FXBoi, Pizza
Cupcake's plan is working,
''I've been in a lot of bands, and
I think our fans are the most
boner-worthy," they joke.
For both Pizza Cupcake,
who identifies as a 'genderqueer
femme;' and FXBoi, who identifies as a"long-haired butch;' playing with sociallyaccepted ideas of
gender and redefining feminism
are also important themes m
their music.
"We do try consciously to
de-center masculinity in a lot
of our songs;' says FXBoi. "We
definitely undermine it in a lot
of ways and center femininity
more, because we also feel that
that's something that doesn't
happen a lot in our community.
That's kind of a radical act in and
of itsel£'
''A lot of our songs are about
femme-on-femme desire and
non-normative beauty standards," says Pizza Cupcake.
"I feel like taking up space and
being on stage with people,
whether they're fat, or have a
queer gender, or just were not
given the same kind of sexual
attraction capital as other people, is really important."
This sentiment appears to be
resonating: The band has developed a rapidly growing fan
base, has a steady lineup of performance opportunities, and has
several exciting projects on the
horizon. None of this is lost on
FXBoi and Pizza Cupcake.
"I talk to FXBoi a lot about
our baby gay selves and what
they would've thought about us.
I think my baby gay self would
be shocked but also really proud,
so the attention is kind of weird,
but it's exciting;' says Pizza
Cupcake.
"My baby gay self would
have fainted;' laughs FXBoi. "If
I could've seen what is happening now-that I was going to be
in this awesome band with this
amazing, powerful lead singer,
and be dating a super-hot high
femme-I would've passed our:'
So what's next for GAYmousi>
"We're plotting a lot of things;'
says FXBoi. "We're making
our first music video, which
we've been shooting at the San
Francisco Armory. We have an
awesome team working with us:'
Pizza Cupcake chimes in:
''An all-queer production team,
which is really important and
awesome:'
"We're also working on our
first EP" says FXBoi. "We're
writing new songs. We're taking a little break from performing, but we'll be back:' And we'll
be here waiting when they do! •
......•....•..
• .• .•
•
S
"Sex workers are not allowed to
have bad days," Kitty Stryker says.
Admitting to a bad day means bad PR,
not for just one person but for the
whole profession. Putting a good face on things,
keeping up appearances, this is what's important.
It's also impossible. "Sooner or later;' she says,
"something has got to give:' For Stryker, something did.
Kitty Stryker is a former prostitute and porn
performer. She's also a blogger, a public speaker,
an activist, and now a PR consultant. When we first
spoke to her, in April of 2012, she seemed to have it
all: Her profile was rising and she was beating the
stigma of her night work to become a public figure.
She had a fiance, a girlfriend, and a supportive family.
She seemed confident, secure, and happy.
Six months later, she'd quit her job and been
dumped by all her significant others. For a moment,
she'd contemplated suicide. "I packed a bag with all
the medications I had and enough booze to sink a
ship;' she later wrote. Subsequently, she was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It was a stunning
turn. It was also inevitable-but
not, Stryker contends, for the reasons some people think. In fact,
to hear her tell it, those very assumptions about
her confidence and happiness were the problem to
begin with.
With Stryker, image is everything. That's how
the name Kitty Stryker even came into being. "I
decided on the seven-hour plane ride to California
that I didn't want to be Katie Fisher anymore;'
she says of her exodus at the age of 19 from
Massachusetts, where she'd grown up the child
of liberal activists. "In California nobody knew
me, so I could become whoever I wanted. I wrote
it all down on a piece of paper: 'Here's who Kitty
Stryker is, here's how she dresses, here's what she
does:" Except for her grandmother (who still calls
her Katie), there was nobody around to know the
difference.
In 2003, the newly minted Stryker answered
a Craigslist ad and became a pro-domme in San
Francisco, a job she calls "fun:' After moving to
London for a time, she branched out unequivocally into prostitution. In 2007, she began blogging
about her work and promoting various social
justice issues for queers and women, even speaking at South by Southwest, appearing on CNN,
and blogging for the Huflington Post. Her public
image was founded on a single edict: that there is
nothing inherently wrong with sex work, or being
queer, or being fat. It was an effective argument,
but it wasn't the whole story.
"I was fiercely defending my choices, while ignoring the problems in my personal life;' Stryker says.
Her success became a problem in itself: The more
effective an advocate she was, the less freedom she
had. When she began to feel trapped in an abusive
relationship, for example, she couldn't speak out for
fear that people would assume the abuse was related
to sex work (even though her partner at the time had
nothing to do with her job). Neither could she admit
to having body-image issues for fear that people would
assume they were because of her weight. Critics
might pounce on any admission of vulnerability, and
Stryker felt that people were counting on her not to
give an inch.
"Even when I did complain, people just said, 'But,
you're so strong: I would write about how amazing
my relationship was, and even as I wrote it I knew
it wasn't true-but this was my public image and I
needed to keep it up:' To be an effective advocate
means having to be almost perfect. Any flaws can be
exploited to discredit you. But ignore problems for
too long and they're bound to boil over. It's a no-win
situation that can trap queer-rights activists, feminists, and anyone else with an interest in changing the
2014
CURVE
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
status quo. Even now, there are people who will roll
their eyes at Stryker's insistence that her crisis had
nothing to do with her work; but Stryker doesn't see
it that way.
These days, Stryker markets herself as a consultant; when we last spoke, she was interviewing at
Yahoo, and TROUBLEfilms had just hired her to
head social media. She'd celebrated her 30th birthday
in January. Change, she says, is always hard.
When I heard about Stryker's problems, I found it
hard not to feel naive for too readily believing in her
outgoing public persona. But maybe the confident,
dynamic, outspoken Stryker really was the genuine
article; and maybe the vulnerable, uncertain, more
fragile Stryker was the real thing, too. Maybe the
problem with the world in general is our inability
to accept that she might be the one while still
remaining the other. (kittystryker.com) •
APRIL/MAY
...••.••
.•..•.
•...
..........
....•...•
......•....•..
..........
.• ....•..•
..........
...•...•..
....
..........
..........
....
.....•...•
. ..
•..•..•
.. •
•..•...
• ..
• •
.....•.....•..
•..•.
.• ...
.
.....
..•..•..•..•
.
.•....
.....•....•..
...
.• .•..•
• .• .•
..........
.....
.... .
......•....•..
.• ..
..••..••'
•...
..............
...••.••
.
......
.............
•..
•..
.•
....
.....•..•...
..........
....
...........
•..
...•.•..••.
.
......
.............
..........
•.
...•••..•••
..........
..
•..•..•.
....
...........
.•.•
......•....•..
.............•..
•
•
•
advocate means
l1aving to be almost
perfect. Any /laws
can be exploited to
discredit you.
But ignore problems
for too long
and tl1ey'1~ebound
to boil over."
71
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
..........
...............
..........
....•...•.''
.•...
...
....''
• • •
•
"To be an eJ1ective
'
•
•
•
•
•
•
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
FEATURES/
TR
H
idden Pond, Maine, is a sophisticated resort with
a rustic atmosphere, and all the amenities you
could wish for, making it easy to pamper your
tired, jaded body and soul. Named by Conde Nast Traveler
as one of the Top 20 Resorts in the Northeast for 2014 and
nominated for Travel & Leisure's2014 World's Best Award,
Hidden Pond offers you a private playground in beautiful
surroundings. Closed during the winter but re-opening in
May and set to blossom throughout spring, summer, and fall,
Hidden Pond is in the gentle and soothing Great Outdoors
that the Northeast is famous for.
Within an easy walk or bike ride of nearby Goose Rocks
Beach, where you can kayak or paddleboard by day and stargaze or watch the moon rise at night, Hidden Pond houses
you in an elegantly appointed and charmingly decorated cottage within its groves of birch and balsam trees. You may not
want to leave your home away from home to take advantage
of all the amenities, but you should.
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
73
Start your day with morning yoga at the Farm, a bucolically
landscaped pocket of tranquility where the gardener, Liz, grows
the flowers, veggies, herbs, and greens that are used onsite. Take
a guided hike or bike ride to Clark Preserve or Timber Point
(bikes are provided for all the guests to use). If you don't feel like
straying too far from "home;' wander through the nature trail at
Hidden Pond-or, better yet, do nothing at all except lounge on
your screened~in porch or in one of the two
heated pools, one for families and the other
just for adults. For the aquatically minded,
in Maine's gentle summer weeks, trans~
portation is provided to the nearby Tides
Beach Club, where you can have lunch on
the beach. But I confess my favorite thing
to do at Hidden Pond, when I visited in the
fall, was to sit in the evenings by one of the
two roaring bonfires-one
is at the main
lodge, the other at Earth restaurant-have
a glass of wine, make S'mores, and meet
new friends.
While families are welcome ( the fully
provisioned cottages generally have two
bedrooms), the accent in these cottages is on
romance. This is a paradise for lovers. You
can while away the hours on plush couches
and daybeds, or enhance your stay by taking
a painting lesson, learning about skin care
and beauty, or taking a mixology class (made easy by the compli~
mentary onsite "super shuttle;' which operates on an hourly loop
and ensures that the tipsy can find their way"home" with ease).
It wouldn't be a vacation without plenty to eat and drink. The
food at Hidden Pond is either grown organically onsite or locally
sourced, fresh and flavorful. The Sand Bar Grille and Back Porch
Bar serves robust burgers and authentic Maine lobster rolls, but
the warmly inviting Earth is really the culinary gem of this resort.
74
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
Boston chef and James Beard Award-winner Ken Oringer has
executed a perfect"farm to fork" menu showcasing the best ingre~
dients, sourced from the Farm and Earth's own backyard. Local
dairy farmers, cheese makers, and Maine fisherman contribute
to Oringer's larder, as do the foraging chefs. While at Hidden
Pond, I was lucky enough to sample pickled mushrooms, which
had been plucked from a gigantic specimen of local wood mush~
room. Oringer's wood~fired pizzas are earthy and addictive, and
the cocktails served at the bar are equally inspired, incorporating
many fresh fruits, herbs, and flowers into clever recipes that taste
good and are good for you. If you feel like staying in, snuggled in
robes, book a private dinner, prepared by a Hidden Pond chef and
served in the comfort of your cottage. You can also self~cater with
provisions from the quaint General Store.
To feed and celebrate your body in another way, the Tree Spa
FEATURES/
at Hidden Pond, which is nestled in a beech forest, is the place
to spend an hour or two. Choose from a menu of massages and
other body and beauty treatments that also incorporate ingre~
dients picked from Hidden Pond's gardens, as well as Brenda
Brock's sustainable~beauty Farmaesthetic products. Say goodbye
to stress and get back in touch with your body's natural vitality.
Because Hidden Pond focuses on tranquility, pleasure, joy, and
natural essences, it may also be the perfect location for your wedding.
The airy and romantically rustic Event Barn, overlooking a beech
forest, can house your wedding ceremony, rehearsal dinner, or family
gathering for up to 80 guests. For a grander affair, the Farm may be
tented and can accommodate up to 200 guests. You could even con~
sider renting the entire property for your fairytale wedding.
TR
The true charm of this place lies in the fact that it's situated in
a pretty patch of Maine woodland, and yet it's owned and man~
aged by the luxe and upscale Kennebunkport Resort Collection,
so no expense has been spared in creating a tasteful ambience and
offering professional and courteous service from the young, local
staff, and an impressive flight of amenities, down to the fresh
orange juice and freshly baked quiches that are delivered to your
porch for breakfast each morning. Needless to say, I didn't want
to leave, but I take comfort in knowing that I can always return.
(hiddenpondmaine.com) •
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
75
Getting around
Jordon is easy, either
by signing up for a
bus tour or by hiring
a private car and
driver. As we took
in the seemingly
endless, mind-blowing
beauty hugging
both sides of our
bus, our Jordanian
guide, Kamel, broke
the serene silence:
"Jordon is a quiet
place surrounded by
a lot of noise."
Jordan borders Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Syria,
and Israel. Needless to say, those noisy
neighbors have greatly affected tourism
in Jordan of late. And this is nothing new.
The wars in the region have affected tourism here, off and on, for years.
Although not great for local Jordanians,
who rely heavily on the tourist industry,
this is a huge travel boon for you, as you
may have Petra (visitpetraJo) all to yoursel£ as my friend and I did by the end of
our first day there.
The last time I was in Jordan it was February of 2009. The key destinations were
heaving with tourists-especially
Petra,
the country's crown jewel. And no wonder. This UNESCO World Heritage site
(whc.unesco.org/ en/list/326),
and one
of the New Seven Wonders of the World
(new7wonders.com),
has been dubbed
one of the "28 Places to See Before You
Die;' by Smithsonian magazine.
I liked what I saw so much that I went
back for another glimpse. This time, I
caught sight of the ancient Treasury from
a different perspective, by climbing up
and into Petra rather than taking the long
evocative walk through the red-rock al-Siq, a
very narrow gorge,
at times no more
than
nine feet
wide. Petra's Treasury is dramatically revealed at the
end of it.
After our arduous,
90-minute
free-form scramble and climb into
Petra, we finally
got our first glimpse
of the Treasury
while we clung
to the cliff face
above it. It proved
to be equally dra-
matic. What was different this time was
that I felt I had earned a bit of the beauty
before me.
No matter what the angle of the reveal,
it is still unimaginable how this rock-cut
architecture was created, let alone how the
city sustained itself as early as 312 B.C.
Once it was the capital city of the Nabataeans, who were able to control the water
supply, thus enabling this city to thrive in
the desert.
There have been many rulers and influences since, which is apparent in the iconic
Nabataean and Greco-Roman
tombs.
One of the many benefits of the rough
climb into Petra is that it took us past
these tombs, as well as ancient dwellings,
amphitheaters, and artifacts.
We often shared our path with local
Bedouins, mainly children, cruising by us
on the back of donkeys and climbing up
the steep, smooth rocks with ease.
You can visit Petra on your own or with
a guide you hire in advance. Once you are
there, if the landscape feels too grand, you
can also shoot from the hip and hire a local
to take you around on a camel or a donkey
( more of this to follow).
Regardless of your choice, I recommend
that you end your day with another committed climb, up 800 steep steps to the
Monastery. While it is not as ornate as the
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
77
Treasury, it is still epic in size and appeal.
After a traditional Jordanian lunch, at
the restaurant just below the Monastery, I
convinced my friend to join me on the trek
up. I knew well enough that, as weary as
she was, she would not want to miss it. It
didn't take too much convincing.
What was immediately different to me,
years after I'd been there the first time, was
the silence on the steps. Almost no one
was going up or down. Due to the lack of
tourist traffic, there were almost no ven~
dors or locals to chat us up, as there had
been before.
That was one of my fondest memories
of Petra-all the local lures, the color and
the characters, on what seemed like every
step. Not until we were close to the top
did we finally stop to catch our breath, and
buy bangles from the one lone vendor.
Once we had climbed the 800 steps, my
friend and I took enough photos to fill a
gallery. After yet more climbing, above the
Monastery, we had views of neighboring
Israel. We chatted with a vendor, a beau~
tiful blond Finnish girl who had recently
married a local Bedouin. They lived in one
of the caves in Petra, as only a few still do.
She invited us to a cave party, which would
take place later that night. While we pon~
dered this unusual invitation, we set~
tled into the scene, ordered mint~infused
78
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
lemonades, and savored the historic scenery
and the golden sunset.
As the last of the light was leaving, it
cast dramatic shadows on the grand old
stone. We realized that we had had been
sitting in utter silence for what felt like an
hour.
Once the sun had set and a light
wind kicked in, we also realized that
we had Petra's iconic Monastery all
to ourselves. With the exception
of the vendors, it was just us. We
felt sinfully spoiled because we had
this unbelievable beauty and all this
architecture to ourselves. As deca~
dent as it was, we were riddled with guilt.
Where was everyone?
We actually didn't have a minute to
think it through. The day was quickly
turning into night and we had quite the
trek ahead of us. Before we could even
digest our soul~satisfying experience, we
were racing down the well~worn stairs.
Once we were at the bottom of the
steps, dusk was
nearly
gone.
I knew from
before that we
had more than
an hour's walk
ahead of us, to
and through al~
Siq, before we got
back to our hotel.
We stood in a sandy swirl of silence. I
had just said that what we really needed
were some four~legged friends when, as if
we were in a sequel to Romancing the Stone
(which took place in Petra), we suddenly
heard the clopping of hooves and two
young Bedouin boys appeared on their
donkeys, offering us a ride.
After a bit of negotiating-haggling
is
not only accepted but expected-we were
bouncing bareback on our respective don~
keys. Who knew they could gallop like a
horse? I held on tight to the tiny waist of
the boy in front of me.
We passed the Treasury, seen in yet
another light and on display for our en~
joyment only. We reluctantly galloped
on through the soft sand of al~Siq. It was
no longer blazing red, but a soft rose,
complemented by a breeze that bounced
coolly off the rock walls all around us.
The night was as peaceful and uninter~
rupted as I imagine it was 2,000 years
ago, and still is for the few who experi~
ence it in the present.
Every once in a while, my little guide
would punctuate the silence. In our
conversation, he showed some interest
in, but no envy for, the modern world.
He proudly said, "This is the life. We
have the life that everyone else wants:'
I smiled in silence. What could I say? •
MARKtT
Out!
InstantAccessto the
Nation'sTopGay&
LesbianRealtors.
fes clubs, restaurants
& more across the US,
canada Europe
&beyond
lus women s festlvals,
pride celebrations
leatherevents
film festivals
& more worldwidel
Seekinq responsible,
committed couple
comelintinf
L.
Finnish/French,
Lomin.[lo'-mon]
-verb
Caribbean translation relaxing
divorced,
seeks kind,~·
.
--.=.-•
~·~..Lil
Legal arriage,
Honeymoons
and Romantic Getaways
emotionallymature,
sandcastleonthebeach.com
1.800.524.2018
www.highlandsinn-nh.com
1-877-LES-B-INN
Pa...
contact meat
LookN4Momma@aol.com.
rainbowwarehouse.com.au
APRIL/MAY
2014
CURVE
79
J
TLOOKtSTARS
Fools For Love
April stokes our desires with retrograde Mars in delicious
Libra and Venus in romantic Pisces. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
Warning! Relationships can
Lionesses can turn on the sexy
Sagittarians are tempted to
get extra complicated this
charm and attract any woman
hang around the house this
month. Are you asking her
they desire. Go hunting and
April because home and
for too much? Are your best
see who you can catch. You are
hearth are so comfortable.
moves missing the mark?
unstoppable and irresistible in
Give yourself time to enjoy
Actions speak louder and
April. For those in a committed
your surroundings. Invite a few
prouder than words, but don't
relationship, use the time to
bosom buddies over but keep
shout. For those lambda Rams
get close to your soulmate. Let
the invitation list short and
on the hoof, are you looking
her know how you feel and let
selective. Before you know it,
for love in all the wrong
your hands do the talking.
the masses descend upon your
wrong sort of grrl?
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
with a bevy of beauties. This is
Money is honey this April and
a bad thing?
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
that means the more you have
places? Are you attracting the
ARIES %
1/
1/
Modesty is not a strong 1/
suit with this gal so 1/
don't be surprised 1/
1/
if she hangs around 1/
the house in her all 1/
togethers-or less. 1/
But expect her usual 1/
1/
form to be more boxer 1/
shorts than a peekaboo 1/
lace teddy. The fire of 1/
1/
passion will always be 1/
there but it may be 1/
camouflaged in flannel. 1/
1/
Hey honey, pass the 1/
beer! Yeah, I love you 1/
too. Burp! Make her 1/
jealous, nervous or 1/
1/
unsure and she'll dress 1/
in peel away zippered 1/
black leather for you, 1/
1/
just to make sure that 1/
you notice and still care. 1/
What a charmer! 1/
1/
1/
1/
1/
1/
1/
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor1/
of HerScopes:
A Guide
toAstrology1/
1/
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-1/
1/
tinyurl.
com/HerScopes.
1/,
Nowavailable
asanebook.1/
(March 21-April 20)
80
CURVE
APRIL/MAY
2014
door and your home is overrun
Girlfriends are a welcome
the better. Of course there is
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
break from the daily grind of
a certain diminishing return-
You have the gift of gab this
the job but don't let things pile
spending too much time on it,
April. Use it to your advantage
up on your desk for too long.
working too hard for it and not
especially in your career.
You can easily charm the
Dreary and detailed tasks are
being able to enjoy it enough.
coming in fast and furious.
So resolve to find the happy
corporate sharks and glide to
Your job could get complicated
balance and share it with a
the top of the class. But don't
and out of control. Better still,
certain you-know-who. Spoil
do anything subversive or
try and mix work with fun
her and she will spoil you.
whenever you can.
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
manipulative. Just smile,
charm and take an extended
lunch break.
While Libras have great
The big bosses love you. Not
reserves of energy this April,
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
only do you shine and brim
dole out your attentions
Think of what is important to
with great ideas, you have a
carefully. There's a chance
you and how you are going to
certain charisma that is at once
that you will bowl over those
achieve your goals this April.
disarming and dangerously
you don't know well. Make
Money comes easily and can
calculating. Pour it on for all it's
an excellent first impression
grease the way for Aqueerians'
worth Gemini. This is the time
and launch your ideas onto
personal needs. Enjoy your
to get your pay stub massaged
profitable paths with a low-key,
gotten gains and be very
and expanded. Once you
quietly persuasive delivery.
creative in how you spend it.
have the extra funds, funnel
Knock 'em down and drag 'em
You attract many delightful
your charm into more fun
around in May.
enterprises.
admirers. But do they love you
for yourself or for your money?
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
There is so much ruckus going
Pisces (Feb. 20-March. 20)
Travel brings spicy romance
on behind the scenes that you
Guppies have personality
especially if you approach it
will surely be tipped off to any
plus, and can showcase their
creatively and openly. That
shenanigans. But maybe that
considerable talents to new
means that the more exotic
is part of the fun? April is party
influential ladies. Make the
the destination, the better. You
month for Scorpios who make
rounds. Show it, strut it and
sell it while your energy is
never know what adventures
a shocking appearance around
are in store for you in some
the social circuit. Don't sit at
high. Before you know it, this
exotic cove or nook. Who
home waiting for a delivery.
showcasing could zap your
knows? You may also travel
Get out and deliver a bit of the
energy. You will need to find a
through May and June.
merriment yourself.
way to recharge and relax.•
Also, now available,
the LG G Flexfrom AT&T.
• 6-inch curved OLED display for immersive viewing
• 73 MP high-performance camera captures picture perfect moments
Order Now!
www.att.com/curve
1.877.437.1007
8
beotSMUSIC
~at&t
*Limited
timefreeoffer.
Avail.
tonewBeats
Music
Family
subscribers
onanAT&T
wireless
multi-line
acct.
5users
across
10devices.
Unless
youcancel,
after90days;
youwillautomatically
becharged
$14.99/month
onyourAT&T
wireless
bill.Cancel
anytime.
Data
rates
&taxes
mayapply.
Toview,
modify
orcancel
yoursubscription
gotoatt.com/mobilepurchases.
Unlimited
Downloads:
Noaccess
todownloads
afterservice
cancellation.
Downloading
&
© 2014
AT&T
Intellectual
Property.
Allrights
reserved.
streaming
over
thewireless
network
mayuseexcess
data
&incur
large
data
charges.
Forfullterms
visitbeatsmusic.com/legal
Beats
Music
isatrademark
ofBeats
Music,
LLC.
July
1-7,
2014I www.FamilyOutFest.com
I Orlando,
Florida
I #Fami/yOutfest
MEDIA
PRESENTING
SPONSORS~~
•
YclWJ
C:YI~-~
~~§~~Q~.! 9?.'.:~~~ DE~~oNs
• PRICEBASEDONA2-NIGHTHOTELSTAYFORAFAMILYOFFOUR.
t:ii'\
'~
=~~~~:::
W~~
nlcKelodeonSUITESt(
*macys
C@y __.m-etrt.
ArnEcolNEiorttAmrnrnur-RE
so
R r-
See all items with this value
