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issue
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4
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Date Issued
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June 2014
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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C urve_Vol24_No4_June-2014_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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74470
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The
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eat, drink and do, it's quite easy for
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JUNE
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COVER
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BY NINO
MUNOZ/NETFLIX
JUNE
2014
CURVE
1
JUNE
2014
12
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IN EVERYISSUE
4
EDITOR'S NOTE
6
CURVETTES
8
FEEDBACK
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TRENDS
12 BEAUTY
Nothing says, "We're Here,
We're Queer, and We're
Fabulous" like these cosmetics
in commanding colors.
14
LESBOFILE
VIEWS
16
OUT IN FRONT
16 IN CASE YOU MISSED
IT ... News from across the
country.
18 POLITICS
Why we need to lean in
this Pride. By Victoria A.
34 FILM
The short film Reflection is
garnering buzz for its fresh
take on gender non-conformity.
20 THE TWO OF US
Our monthly profile of captivating lesbian couples who
live, love and work together.
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
LAUGH TRACK
Judy Gold gives us plenty to
think and laugh about this
Pride. By Merryn Johns
2014
By Julie Travis
By Cygnus Fogle
26
JUNE
By Francesca Lewis
32 MUSIC
Queercore icon Ellyott Ben
Ezzer discusses her debut
solo album, returning to
Isreal and starting her family
36 CROSSWORD
Celebrate summer with this
fun Pride puzzle.
24 ADVICE
So you want to have a baby.
Here are some essential things
alll lesbian moms-to-be
should know.
CURVE
28 BOOKS
Kim Stolz's new memoir
explores life and love in the
Facebook age.
Brown worth
22
2
REVIEWS
STYLE
37 STYLE
Two lesbian lifestyle apparel
labels, Girls Will Be Boys and
Androgyny, deliver casual and
cool gear just in time for your
Pride parade or relaxing in
summer style.
Introducing
AT&T's best-ever
pricing for families
with the nation's most reliable 4G LTE network.
AT&T's family pricing
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MOBILIZING
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RONTJMERRYN'S
MEMO
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
Doi11gTin1e
Tl1is l'ride
espite the occasional contender for our affections, maybe The Real
L Word, or edgier foreign imports such as Lip Serviceand Lost
Girl,we've all been waiting years for our virtual-girl fix, something
to fill the void left by the hit TV series The L Word. Which is
why OrangeIs the New Black,an all-American comedy-drama
series created by Jenji Kohan, became a small-screen phenomenon as soon as it
appeared last July. Like the queer-centric Modern Family,this bingeworthy series
struck a chord with everyone, proving that the idea of queerness-and
its related
themes of diversity, marginalia and transgression-appeals
to all of us.
We chose OrangeIs the New Black as our June Pride cover story not only
because season two premieres on Netflix
on June 6, but also because we couldn't
think of a better example of inclusiveness
in mainstream culture. It seems that for the
first time since The L Word, this show has
at least one character each of us can relate
to, identify with, or recognize, whether it's
Piper Chapman or Suzanne. And the actors
fully embody their roles, understanding the
importance of this compelling representation
of a spectrum of women. Actor, producer
and writer Laverne Cox has been especially
present and vocal in trans activism and
received GLAAD's Stephen F. Kolzak
D
Award in April.
To this extent, OITNB is a perfect
expression of a new-age Pride. Should you
be curious enough to Google "gay Pride" you
may be disappointed at retrievals offering rather toothless definitions such as this:
"A sense of dignity and satisfaction in connection with the public acknowledgment
of one's own homosexuality:• Hardly worth throwing your pie for. The women in
OITNB demand more than that, and so should we. As members of the LGBT
community, many of us know the feeling of"doing time" in a society that punishes
us for our difference-as a matter of fact not most of the letters I receive are from
lesbians and bisexual women who are incarcerated.
If you're feeling a little blase about Pride this year, celebrate all that we have
achieved this past year, and start feeling feisty about all that is still left to achieve
here in the United States and around the world.
~·
MERZ
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
4
CURVE
JUNE
2014
JUNE 2014
LESBIAN
» VOLUME
MAGAZINE
24 NUMBER
4
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDING PUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGING EDITOR Rachel Shatto
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Jillian Eugenios, Sheryl Kay, Stephanie
Schroeder
EDITORIALASSISTANTCygnus Fogle, Fracesca Lewis,
William Northup
PROOFREADERElizabeth Harper
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
EVENTS& MEDIA RELATIONSCOORDINATOR Robin Perron
ADVERTISING
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTORMeghan Musalo, Ricardo Calvi Vivian
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam L.
Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Traci
Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Elizabeth Estochen, Jill
Goldstein, Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman,
Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Emelina Minero, Laurie K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder,
Janelle Sorenson, Rosanna Rios-Spicer, Allison Steinberg,
Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks,
Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Alex Styles, Meagan Cignoli,
Sophia Hantzes, Janet Mayer, Syd London, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
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New York, NY 10034
PHONE {415) 871-0569
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Volume 24 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 8 times
per year (January/Febrary, March, April/May, June, July/August,
September, October, November/December)
by Avalon Media,
LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034. Subscription
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whole or in part, without written permission from the publisher.
Publication of the name or photograph of any persons or
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group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries,
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Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials.
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UP RONT/
CURVETTES
JENNY BLOCK
WILLIAM NORTHUP
KELSYCHAUVIN
ALEXIS CLEMENTS
is the author of the Lambda
Literary Award-winning book
Open: Love, Sex, and Life in
an Open Marriage. She is also
a freelance writer with work
appearing in and on outlets all
around the world, including
HuffingtonPost, TheDailyMeal,
Dallas Morning News, American
Way, YourTango.com, Dal/as
Voice, Edge Media Network,
Jezebel, and many others.
She is currently working on
her next book, 0 Wow! about
female orgasm, due out in early
2015 from Cleis Press. This
month she takes a leadership
trip with leading lesbian travel
company, Olivia, on page 70.
"Which one of you is the real
mom?" is something William
heard frequently while growing
in Northern California in the
1990s. Part of the lavender
baby boom, he has contributed
to the Institute for American
Values blog and helped start
up the online zine Velociriot!
He was enthusiastic about
a chance to review Bruce
Gillespie's A Family by Any
Other Name, an anthology that
looks at the diversity of LGBT
families, the aptly titled Double
Pregnant by Natalie Meisner
(page 30), and Family Outfest
in Orlando (page 61). Currently
a San Francisco Bay Area
resident, he occupies his time
writing for an ever-changing
list of publications and overthinking most things.
"The vibrant LGBT community
in Halifax rivals just about
anywhere else I've been. It's
a hidden gem filled with so
many beautiful queers," says
travel writer Kelsy Chauvin,
who writes about the Nova
Scotian capital in this issue.
Originally from Morgan City,
Louisiana, with a long-term
layover in Seattle, today she
lives in Brooklyn and-when
she's not traveling-enjoys the
view of the Manhattan skyline
from her dining table/writing
desk. Her recent trips have
taken her to India, Memphis,
Thailand, and Sonoma wine
country. Kelsy also writes for
Frommer's Travel Guides,
Zagat, and Rand McNally. She
is currently finishing her first
novel. (kelsychauvin.com)
Alexis is a playwright and
journalist based in Brooklyn,
N.Y.She co-founded Private
Commission, a queer writing
group that launched The
Uncensored Collection, an
anthology of lesbian erotica.
She co-edited the anthology
of plays, Out of Time & Place,
which includes her piece,
Conversation. Her work has
been produced and published
in the U.S. and the U.K., and
her articles have appeared in
Salon, Bitch, Hyperallergic,
American Theatre, The Brooklyn
Rail, Nature, Frontiers, and
Travel New England. She is
currently working on the
documentary The Unknown
Play Project, focused on lesbian
spaces. (alexisclements.com)
6
CURVE
JUNE
2014
PNCBANK
RONT /
POST
ON
FACEBOOK!
FEEDBACK
The
best
comment
posted
each
month
could
winyou
afree
digital
subscription!
full body. If she is so at ease
with her body, why doesn't she
have more publicity images
showcasing it? - Stephanie
Patrone, Bushwick N.Y.
Magnificent Mary
Just read Curve (Vol. 24 #3]
and I must say mate you hit
the jackpot with your choice
of Mary Lambert. I absolutely
loved it!!! -Trixie Flower,
Sydney, Australia
I adore Mary Lambert. As a
plus-size woman myself it is
very encouraging to see her
talent, intelligence and beauty
being rewarded with success. I
loved your article on her but I
was dismayed that none of the
images actually showed Mary's
Positive Images
What a pleasure to open
Curve's The Body Issue and
see such beautiful spreads of
plus-size women and women
of color. I picked up the magazine at my local Barnes &
Noble and could hardly
believe my luck at such
positive reinforcement. I will
be subscribing from now on.
Thank you for making my
day! -Kelly Waker,
Long Island N.Y.
Visibility Kudos
I want to thank Victoria
Brownworth for acknowledging the importance of making
sure we are not "excised from
history" and the work of the
Lesbian Herstory Archives
(of which I am one of the
coordinators). ("Fighting Our
ii·i!M==:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::H
Posts from our Facebook fans
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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"Same Love" singer Mary Lambert is the most!
Thick is better -Lisa Vasquez
I want this in poster size!-
Me/anieLesley
Very sexy! Beauty comes in
all colors, shapes and sizes.
-Cheryl Fialkin
Great choice, Curve. She's
beautiful, inside and out.
shape & size." Please make
this true! Nothing fits my
shoulders except XXL, but
my waist is a small. Nothing
EVERfits my arms. "Every
shape" never includes girls
like me. Ever.
-JamieLynn Lano
I have that issue in my lap
right now! -Suzy Moffitt
I appreciate the close up
shots! The lighting, her eyes,
her lips, the soft curve of
her neck ... I know her body
follows, but I don't need a
centerfold. -Mel Miller
Can't wait to get this issue!!!!
-Jess Black-Zander
-Kaylyn Kay Lowe
"Radical fashion for every
Awww, she is gorgeous!!
-Sarah Bowers
She OOZESsex appeal.
-Nikki O'Donahue
I WANT IT NOW!!
-Key/a Soe Gomez
Erasure" Vol. 24#2] Thanks
to the incredible work of hundreds of volunteers over the
past 40 years, and the support
of our communities and allies,
we continue to document and
preserve lesbian lives in all of
our diversity. I hope Curve's
readers will come and visit
us in Brooklyn, or online at
(les bianherstoryarchives.org).
I invite readers to send us
information about your lives
and your communities for
inclusion in the Archives so
that lesbians in the future will
know your herstory. -Maxine
Wolfe, Brooklyn, New York
HOW
LONG
SHOULD
YOU
BE
WITH
APARTNER
BEFORE
YOU
HAVE
KIDS?
2%
The sooner
the better
13%
Never
19%
After 1-2
years
together
Send to:
WRITE
LISI
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Email: letters@curvemagazine.com
Fax: 510.380.7487
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JUNE
2014
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lv1USICFR01v1THE ORIGINALSERIES
FEATURING
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"YOU'VEGOTTIIV1E
BY REGINASPEKTOR
BESTBUYEDITIONINCLUDES
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AVAILABLE AT
~
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NDS/
THE GAYDAR
p
I
!~e~ o~~!~~!one?
Let our gaydar help
you decide who's hot, who's not, who's
~ shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
%
~
BY RACHEL SHATTO
~
Jessie J breaks our hearts by
saying she's no longer bisexual.
Apparently when she sang "Do
It Like a Dude" she meant do it
with a dude. Oops
Speaking of
heartbreakers,
Amber Heard is
officially engaged
to Johnny Depp ...
we kid, we kid
(mostly). We wish
Heard and Depp
all the best
The divine Beyonce covers
Out magazine and makes it
clear in no uncertain terms
that she is an ally
Cameron Diaz admits
having been sexually
attracted to women at
some points in her life.
Hey girl, call us next time
one of those points pops
up again ...
Just when
you thought a
sci-fi retelling
of Romeo
and Juliet
on the CW
was safe to
skip ...Sophia
comes out as
a pansexual
alien on StarCrossed with
a big old lady
crush. Time to
catch up!
HONORARY
LIFFETIME
LESBIAN
MEMBERSHIP
Sara Gilbert and
Linda Perry get
married. Mazel
tov, ladies!
Debbie Harry of Blondie
comes out as bisexual to
the Daily Mail. Not to be
trite but ...Ms. Harry can
call me any any time
Keeley Hawes is
slated to guest on
the upcoming season
of Doctor Who as a
villainous banker with a
secret-can her secret
be that she is Madame
Vastra's ex-girlfriend?
Because that would
be so hot
10
CURVE
JUNE 2014
Orphan Black is
finally back! Which
means our fave
bisexual clone
Cosima is back,
too. We're going
on record now: if
Cosima dies, we riot!
Game of Thrones
is back and gayer
than ever with new
openly bi characters
Oberlyn Martell and
his paramour Ellaria
Sand played by British
stunner Indira Varma
(remember Kama
Surra? We do)
Gay gaming
gals, this one's
for you: Guild
Wars2 surprises
players with a
big ol' lesbian
reveal of two of its
popular support
characters,
Marjory Delaqua
and Lady
Kasmeer Meade
Kate McKinnon
continues to
absolutely kill
it on SNI., this
time teaming up
with Aidy Bryant
in an '80s-style
cop show parody
called Dyke&
Fats. Universe,
are you listening?
Make this a thing!
~BEST
" "'
PLACES TO WORK
2013
for LGBT Equality
Nost
BEAUTY
.JustDolluc
Shades
o/fr.!!!~
QUEER,AND WE'REFABULOUS"LIKE
THESECOSMETICSIN COMMANDING
COLORS.BYRACHEL
SHATTO
Think you can't find the perfect
shade of powder? Try all of them.
Paul & Joe's face powder blends
gentle tones of blue, white, pink and
yellow to give a balanced blend for a
beautiful complexion.
($45, b-glowing.com)
"'mulct• "'all
This skin tone pencil pairs perfectly
with any lip color you throw its
way and puts color bleeding on
lockdown. In other words, Wonder
Pencil is the only lip liner you will ever
need. ($5, nyxcosmetics.com)
I laYc Glam,
"'ill TraYcl
Sephora's Eye For Color Mini Eye
Brush Capsule set features all your
essential brushes (shadow, crease,
pointed and angled smudge), so
primping your peepers on the go is a
snap. ($14, sephora.com)
Lash Out
For the chic Pride Paradefriendly eye without any
fuss, Shu Uemura's Rainbow
Sensation Premium False
Eyelashes are the perfect
balance of fantasy, whimsy
and fierceness.
($60, shuuemura.com)
~Ial,c It Pop
Make your manicure pop with Hand Candy's
matte glitter polish in rainbow-hued Pop Art.
($4, hardcandy.com)
Pol~·ch1•0111a1.ic
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Urban Decay has created our dream Pride palate in
Electric. This 10-color pressed pigment set has every
shade you need to let your inner rainbow shine
through. ($49, urbandecay.com)
Lime Crime in
New Yolk City
($18, limecrime.com)
lllamasqua in Flare
($28, illamasqua.com)
NYX Matte Lipstick in Pure Red
{$6, nyxcosmetics.com)
12
CURVE
JUNE
2014
Ka'oir in Jamaica
($17, kaoir.com)
Lipstick Queen in Hello Sailor
($25, lipstickqueen.com)
*
Join Macy's as we
Celebrate Family + Friends + Love + Life + Equality + Respect
We are proud to join the parade across America in honor of National Pride Month.
We think it's really something to celebrate.
HUMAN
RIGHTS
El
CAMPAIGN
FOR
MORE
®
Plus, shop the Human Rights Campaign Outpost at
select Macy's stores throughout the month of June and
100% of your purchase will go towards the fight for
LGBTO equality.
DETAILS
visit MACYS.COM/CELEBRATE
*
macys
00
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p
~ LESBOFILE
~
~
Miranda swings our way, Lorde suffers
no fools, and 1sEllen the ex from hell?
BY JOCELYN voe
~
Model Behavior
When Victoria's Secret stunner Miranda
Kerr and husband-slash-Hollywood
heartthrob Orlando Bloom announced
their separation this past October, many
people may have chalked it up to a typical
high-profile marriage run its course.
However, the supermodel isn't taking the
split glumly; if anything, she's ebullient
about her newfound freedom-and
ladies,
trust me, this is a good thing for us.
The 30-year-old Kerr is coming into her
Lorde Have Mercy
own, telling British GQ that she's dating and
At 17 years old, freshly minted Grammy
"loving it." But more importantly, she drops
winner Lorde is already proving herself wise
this bombshell: "I appreciate both men and
beyond her years, not only in her musical
women. I love the female body and truly
prowess, but also deftly handing public
appreciate the female form. I really enjoy
prodding.
sketching women, especially their backs.
I definitely need a man in the bedroom,
With the New Zealand "Royals" singersongwriter as a guest on Australian radio's
however-a nice strong chest to lie on. Still,
The Kyle & Jackie O Show, host Kyle
I want to explore. Never say never."
Sandilands managed to bumble his way
Excuse us while we scoop our jaws off
through a question about her burgeoning
friendship with Taylor Swift, asking, "I see
the floor.
you guys' pictures everywhere. Are you
A-List Dyke Drama
Hell hath no fury like a lesbian scorned, or
so it may seem.
guys, like, uh, are you together now?"
Silence.
"Not together as in lesbians ...l'm not
Despite having irrefutable career success,
talking about 'Ellen together.' I'm talking
soap opera standards.
Ellen DeGeneres, according to a source
about, like, you guys are friendly, right?" To
speaking to Shobwiz Spy, is "competitive"
which Lorde coolly replied, "What do you
Phaedra Parks, and her onetime friend
and "vindictive" when it comes to romance.
mean you're not talking about 'Ellen together?'
Angela Stanton are embroiled in a legal
Is there something wrong with lesbians? Is
battle, with Parks suing Stanton after she
Amidst swirling rumors that her six-year
marriage to Portia De Rossi is on thin ice,
DeGeneres is going to drastic measures to
that what you're trying to say?"
As the radio host continued to dig himself
On the surface, star of the Atlanta series
named Parks as an enabler in a check fraud
scam. However, Stanton's ex-boyfriend
make sure that her ex, Alexandra Hedison,
deeper into his awkward hole, the 17-year-
doesn't find another leading lady, says the
old pointedly cut him off: "Don't even try it.
relationship-and
source, and is pulling out all the stops to
It's not working."
tributed to him and Stanton breaking up.
ruin Hedison and girlfriend Jodie Foster's
New girl crush? Yes. Most definitely.
relationship.
Justin Cody has another take on their
it's one that actually con-
"I actually thought that Angela and
Phaedra had an-I thought they were
Bad Checks And A Possible Ex
together," Cody said in a statement under
adds. "She thinks Ellen is a fool for letting
Over the years Bravo's The Real Housewives
oath. "That was one of the reasons me and
such a good catch get away. Jodie had half
reality TV franchise has become over-
Angela broke up," he added, recounting all-
a mind to send Ellen a note saying, 'Your
the-top, with bickering and backstabbing
night "wild parties" at Parks's house where
loss is my gain,' but she isn't confrontational.
happening at an Olympic speed. But the
Stanton wouldn't come home for days.
"But Jodie couldn't care less," the source
As far as Jodie is concerned, Ellen can stew
latest rumor to come out of the gossip mill
"Because they was like real close, like closer
in her own regret and bitterness."
is pretty ridiculous, even by Housewives
than close." Well, if the shoe fits ... •
14
CURVE
JUNE
2014
st
PROFILE
Judy Grahn
California
» Poet
Judy Grahn joined the Air Force in 1960,
and it wasn't long before she was kicked
out for being a lesbian. For some that may
have been a disaster, but Grahn, who today
is an internationally award-winning feminist
poet and educator, found the silver lining.
"It radicalized me and gave my writing social
usefulness, which is golden," she says.
Although she's often described as a feminist lesbian poet, Grahn says she holds on to
those descriptors more so that people can
I ~~~~~~tt~~~t~~~:~~~~~Jg~~~~~~~~~
Jesus could comfort her "struggling" soul. Page
responded publicly to the pastor by tweeting to
her 900,000 fans "2 da Pastor who wrote me-Being gay isn't a belief. My soul isn't struggling& I
don't want arms of Heavenly Father around me.
A girls arms? Yes."
find her work. But at the end of the day, she
says, her writing addresses a broader audience. "I think my work has a central theme of
trying to identify, love, and knit back together
people kept apart," she says.
She now writes about and teaches a theory
she calls "Metaformic Consciousness." In
simple terms, Grahn says that in ancient times
women who were secluded due to menstruation rituals used that time as a learning
experience. It is this greater wisdom, in part,
that elevates women today.
"Men are not displaced from a crucial role
in cultural origin stories by this consciousness," she says. "The cultural contributions
of all genders are put into the perspective of
ritual, and so all genders have a better chance
of understanding each other."
Grahn says she's seen tremendous progress
since she and 12 comrades, including Barbara
Gittings, picketed the White House for gay
rights 47 years ago. But not all is right yet.
There is still virulent homophobia, she says,
both here and abroad. "The more we practice
building communities the better. I can never
forget or be ashamed of feminism. It is the
only solution to violence against women, the
only tactic that works, around the world."
-Sheryl Kay
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2014
JAMES
COSBY
WAS
TAKEN
into police custody In connection
with the murder of his daughter
Brittney Cosby and her girlfriend
Crystal Jackson Police believe
that he bludgeoned his daughter
to death, and shot her g1rlfr1end
before dumping the bodies near
a dumpster In Port Bolivar, Texas
Both women were 24 years old.
Other members of the Cosby
family report that that James
had been unhappy about his
daughter's sexual orIentatIon,
and had a history of violence
APUBLIC
BUS
DRIVER
IN
northern France was fired after
adm1tt1ngto throwing water onto
a teenage lesbian couple. The
bus stopped near a high school
where the bus driver saw the girls
k1ss1ng,and he then proceeded
to empty the water from his water
bottle onto the couple saying that
he was "against homosexuality"
The girls reported the 1nc1dent,
KATIE
BRENNY
HAS
WON
A
lawsuit against the Un1vers1ty
of M1ch1gan Brenny was the
associate women's golf coach for
only months before losing her Job
after the Un1vers1ty'sdirector of
golf, John Hams, learned about
her sexual orientation Brenny was
awarded double her back pay,
compensation for mental anguish
and attorney's fees totaling to
more than $359,588 Hams
resigned from the Un1vers1tyof
M1ch1ganIn 2012 after Brenny
sued the school or d1scrim1nat1on
ATEXAS
LESBIAN,
46YEARS
old, has been infected with HIV
via sex with her female partner
Although The Centers for Disease
Control say female-to-female HIV
transmIssIon Is extremely rare, It
Is possible The woman revealed
she had not had sex with a man
In over 10 years and was only
sexually engaged with her partner
at the time she was infected
GLSEN®
For more than 20 years, the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN)
has been bringing LGBT bullying issues into the national conversation by making
schools safer for all our kids. With help from Wells Fargo, GLSEN has delivered a
Safe Space Kit to every middle and high school in America. Wells Fargo is proud to
support GLSEN's work to improve the environment of our schools and teach respect.
Because when people talk, great things happen. To fmd out how Wells Fargo can
help in your local community, visit wellsfargo.com/commitment.
Together we'll go far
© 2014 Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. All rights reserved.
Member FDIC. ECG-1187827
When I got the press release about Bill
Donohue, the president of the Catholic
League, wanting to march in the New
York City LGBT Pride parade with a ban~
ner reading "Straight Is Great!" I decided
enough is enough, already.
Donohue was upset about the fact that
New York City's leadership had boycotted
the St. Patrick's Day Parade because of its
anti~gay policy. This was his salvo back.
In answer to Donohue's request, David
Studinski, the march director for NYC
Pride 2014, said, "Sure:' Chris Freder~
ick, the managing director of NYC Pride
2014, said,"Why not:"'
I was aghast.
No, Mr. Donohue, you can't march in our
parade, because you hate us. You've likened
us to animals and murderers. You've saideven as you call yourself a Christian-that
we are an error in God's plan.
So no, Mr. Donohue, you aren't welcome
at the celebration of our lives, our strug~
gles, and all we have had to overcome just
to survive. The world has far more people
like you than like Jesus (whom you claim to
worship), who said, "Love one another as I
have loved you:' Or people like your own
(and my) Pope Francis, who has said he can
no longer object to gay priests and is recon~
sidering his stance on civil unions.
What was the NYC Pride leadership
thinking:' Why not invite the Westboro
18
CURVE
JUNE
2014
Baptist Church to march with us:' Or the
KKK:' Or the Aryan Brotherhood:'
I'm all for inclusion, as anyone who
has been reading this column for the past
two~plus decades knows, but enough is
enough. Why would we ever invite haters
into our biggest Pride march:' Have we
become so invested in having straight
people like us that we would do anything
to gain their approval:'
The Donohue incident made me ques~
tion anew what our movement is in 2014. I
haven't heard anything but "marriage" and
"military" for nearly a decade. Yet lesbians
are still most likely living in poverty. Young
lesbians are frequent victims of rape on
college campuses. Lesbians are still being
discriminated against in employment and
housing and education. Lesbian moth~
ers are still battling former partners for
their children. Lesbians are still facing an
epidemic of cancer. And that's just in the
United States.
There has to be more to our movement
than having straight people merely tolerate
us while we embrace what used to be seen
as their most repressive institutions.
It's time for a tactical shift. It's time, I
think, for a new separatism. Why are men
still making decisions for women in the
movement:' Whether it's about the Pride
march or adding yet more ingredients to
the LGBTQQIA salad, where is the lesbian
input:' What about the needs of women:'
What about the very specific issues that
lesbians-and lesbians alone-face, issues
that have yet to be addressed 45 years after
Stonewall:'
When I say separatism, I'm not saying
we all need to buy a plot ofland in Oregon
and go off into the woods, shave our heads,
and talk about hating men and overthrow~
ing the patriarchy ( although we do need
to overthrow the patriarchy, for everyone's
sake). I'm talking about what Malcolm X
(oh, I know-controversial
figure, but one
of the most important voices in black civil
rights) spoke of when he talked about the
need for black separatism.
Malcolm X wasn't suggesting that
African Americans (he was the first to
use that term, instead of "Negro" or the
then~militant term "black'') literally sepa~
rate themselves from white Americans. He
was saying that African Americans needed
to look at where they stood in America,
and what they needed to do to achieve
equality. Malcolm X asserted that African
Americans couldn't achieve equality by
embracing the very people-whites-who
were their oppressors. He said that what
blacks needed to do was what we now call
"self-care"-put themselves first and fore~
most-because
no one else was going to.
Part of putting themselves first, Malcolm
X insisted, was neither to apologize for it
VIEWStPOLITI
nor to be conciliatory to whites about it.
That's what I am saying lesbians need to
do: Step back, take stock of who we are and
where we stand in American and "queer"
society, and ask ourselves if we even matter
in this increasingly inclusive-of others and
exclusive-of-us movement. We need to put
lesbians at the center of our universe and
not apologize for it.
Men have never apologized for putting
themselves first. In fact, it's expected that
they do so. It's not the job of feminists and
lesbians to take care of everyone else before
we take care of ourselves.
On social media, I recently had an
argument with a gay male writer over
the issue of violence against lesbians. He
totally dismissed the growing wave of
global anti-lesbian violence, which includes
everything from online threats, to street
harassment, to gang rape, honor killing,
corrective rape, enforced marriage, imprisonment, and murder.
I have written about this wave of violence extensively for Curve, She Wired, and
the Advocate. I was talking facts. He was
talking "Who cares?" Our argument was
ugly, public, and misogynist.
Lesbians I know who witnessed this
brawl were appalled but not surprised.
Lesbians have been shunted aside for some
time in this noHo-big-tent LGBTQQIA
movement, where the L is expected to
be silent.
In the years after Stonewall, lesbians
were told "gay" included us also. Now,
we've been shoved back into that space of
silence, with many young lesbians-Ellen
Page is a recent example-afraid
to even
say the word "lesbian:'
Why:'
Because lesbianism doesn't include men.
Lesbians don't have sex with men. They
don't factor men or penises into their
worldview. It doesn't matter that gay men
don't have sex with women or factor women
or vaginas into their worldview-because
men still own the world and every girl is
born second-class in every nation, developed or developing.
As long as the reality of our second-class
status persists, we will continue to be doubly or even triply oppressed, unlike men.
What is more, gay and bisexual men are
oppressed specifically because straight
society sees them as "feminine;' and trans
women are victims of violence specifically
because straight men see them as trying to
"pass" for female.
Which means sexism and misogyny,
male oppression, and male violence should
be our single priority in the LGBT movement, since they impact all of us and present
a very real and terrifying danger to us.
And yet they are not a priority, because
the primary victims are female and our
movement, like it or not, remains misogynist at its core: It is still, 45 years in, a movement run predominately for men, by men.
Just as Malcolm X knew that whites,
even whites working in the civil rights movement, couldn't comprehend the oppression
of blacks, I know that men, even men who
assert that they are our allies, can't comprehend the oppression of women.
One in three women globally is the victim of male violence. That's more than 1
billion women. Ten percent of them are
lesbians. And while other members of
the LGBTQQIA community are victims
of violence, they are also victims of male
violence. Gay men, bisexuals of either sex,
queers, trans of either sex-we are all victims of the same oppressor and the same
source of violence: men.
When are we going to acknowledge
that reality:'
Maybe lesbians need a break from that.
Maybe we need to initiate the kind of self
care and selfadvocacy Malcolm X was
arguing for in the 1960s. Maybe we need
to put women first-because
no one else
will. Maybe we need to embrace the L and
eschew the other letters for now, while we
focus on an equity that men can't prioritize
because it's not about them.
Do lesbians even know what our issues
are, or have our issues been too occluded
by the needs of others:'
Lesbians are 10 times as likely to have
our partners deported, we are the women
most likely to end up in prison, the girls
most likely to be bullied at school, the
women most likely to be passed over for
promotion at our jobs, the women most
likely to get cancer, the women least likely
to have appropriate gynecological care.
Yes, it's a long list and it's getting longer all
the time. What can we do about it:'
This year for Pride, perhaps we need
to have pride in ourselves. Not turn our
backs on our gay/ trans/ queer/ questioning/ intersex compatriots, but shift our
focus. In the nearly half century of Pride,
we have yet to ascend to becoming equal
members of our own community, let alone
the global village.
It's time for a new separatism. Not to
shut others out, but to embrace ourselves
and our needs, and the very real threat
against us as lesbians.
As you read this, a lesbian is being correctively raped in South Africa-or
in
Richmond, California. A teenage lesbian
is being bullied and sexually harassed at
school. A Ugandan is being arrested and
taken to jail just for being lesbian, and a
lesbian in Mississippi is being arrested for
being too butch. A father has just beaten
his lesbian daughter, Britney Cosby, to
death in Port Bolivar, Texas, and shot her
lover, Crystal Jackson, in the head.
Five years before Stonewall, the neighbors of Kitty Genovese listened to her
screams as she was stabbed and raped,
and they did nothing. Was it because they
knew she was a lesbian and thought perhaps she deserved to die, much the way
Bill Donohue thinks about lesbians and
gay men today:' Yet he was invited to walk
in our Pride parade.
And what about 15-year-old Sakia Gunn,
murdered 11 years ago for spurning the
advances of a man who harassed her and
her girlfriend on the street.
Or Jackie Nanyanjo, deported from the
U.K., where she sought asylum, back to
her native Uganda, where she was killed
because she was a lesbian.
Or Duduzile Zozo, murdered last year
a week before Pride in South Africa-correctively raped and left with a toilet brush
rupturing her vagina and uterus.
Nearly 50 years after Stonewall, we
are always putting other members of our
movement first. No one has ever put us
first, including ourselves. Lesbians need
to lean in. Embrace the new separatism
and celebrate our own lesbian pride. •
Follow Victoria A. Brownworth on Twitter
@VABVOX
JUNE
2014
CURVE
19
VIEWS/TWO
OF
HOW
THEY
GOT
TOGETHER
Everything about our company, right
SARAH: When we first met, I was
down to the name, Love Leaf Books, has
living in Greenville, Ohio and Amanda
come from a collaborative process of
was volunteering with AmeriCorps in
brainstorming, and building on each other's
Columbus, about two hours away. We
ideas. Our creativity just meshes well.
had three amazing dates, and then
for nine more months while Amanda
ONWHAT
MAKES
THEM
GOOD
BUSNESS
PARTNERS
true labor of love, Love Leaf
finished her yearlong AmeriCorps term.
AMANDA: In some ways, we think really
Books was created when Sarah
The weekends together were wonderful,
differently, so we each bring different
Berry and Amanda Williams'
but saying goodbye every Sunday was
viewpoints to the same problem. But, we
children were born and they
heartwrenching.
also think very much alike in other ways,
spent every weekend we could together
A
discovered there were no baby books that
AMANDA: During those weekends, I got
properly represented their families. "We
to know Sarah's daughter Violet, who was
and ultimately, we have a common vision,
so we can work our varying ideas into one
final result.
ended up crossing out 'Daddy' throughout
10, and felt more at home with them than
their books and writing in 'Mama.' It felt bad,
at my own house in Columbus. Sarah also
SARAH: Also, we both believe strongly
it looked bad, and it tells our kids that ours
spent time volunteering with Habitat for
in our mission of providing high quality
isn't a real family," says Williams. The result is
Humanity so we could spend more time
baby books at an affordable price, and that
books that are inclusive, no matter the family
together. As soon as my term was finished,
sometimes means that we make sacrifices
situation. "All families are important, and all
I moved to Greenville, and Sarah, Violet,
here and there, both in our business and in
parents deserve to be included in their child's
and I became a family-to
our personal life. But they're sacrifices we
baby book," says Williams.
two boys later on.
which we added
agree on, and both sincerely want to make
in order to make this business work, and to
HOW
THEY
FIRST
MET
ONSTARTING
LOVE
LEAF
BOOKS
SARAH: We met outside of a coffee shop,
AMANDA: When our boys were born, we
have to be rich to buy a nice baby book,
and that was quickly followed by a first
had no luck finding a baby book that fit
simply because your family doesn't fit into
date: a four-hour picnic lunch in a beautiful
our two-mom family. There were some
a mainstream box.
old cemetery/arboretum.
out there, but they weren't affordable for
We actually
keep our books affordable. You shouldn't
stayed until they had locked the gate to
us, and we didn't feel that they included
the cemetery and we had to climb over the
the information we wanted. My parents
ONWHAT
MAKES
THEM
GOOD
LIFE
PARTNERS
gate to get out.
bought us a baby book that was absolutely
SARAH: Family comes first in both of our
AMANDA: The gate was a huge, majestic
neutral-only
looking wrought-iron fence with spikes on
it wasn't very pretty, and felt so generic.
We complement each other, and we each
top, and while climbing over, Sarah was
Our only other option was to cross out
deal with aspects of both business and
laughing so hard that she could barely
"Daddy" throughout the whole book and
every day life, that the other doesn't want
move. One of the spikes ripped a big hole
write in Mama. We wanted to see our family
to deal with. Keeping a good sense of
in her pants. It still cracks us up to talk
reflected in the books we were going to be
humor about things is also essential.
about it.
giving to our children.
said "Parent" and "baby," but
minds, and our business is a close second.
We knew there were many, many other
ONADVICE
FOR
OTHER
COUPLES
THEIR
FIRST
IMPRESSION
OF
ONE
ANOTHER
families out there having the same
AMANDA: I think it's important for both
problem. Not just same-sex families, but
partners to expect to work really hard, and
SARAH: My first impression of Amanda was
blended families, families with an LGBT
to expect to dedicate a lot of their time to
that she was adorable, and her sense of
grandparent, families with a transgendered
their business. Be prepared to sacrifice a
humor was absolutely spot on with mine.
parent, co-parents, and so on. We also
lot of your personal time, and instead of
We laughed so hard on our first date that
personalize books for families created
having typical date nights, try to see the
our stomachs hurt the next day. I knew she
through adoption, IVF, surrogacy, egg or
fun in sharing a business with your partner.
was the one for me.
sperm donation, and single parents.
AMANDA: I had the same first impression.
We do a lot of our work after the kids
are in bed. While it isn't exactly down
She gave me a little "gift" consisting of
ONWORKING
TOGETHER
what she had in her car at the time. It
SARAH: We each have a role that we fill.
happened to be a pair of Virgin Mary
Amanda does layout, design, and printing,
hologram sunglasses and a giant zucchini
while I do the construction of the covers,
that was curved so that it could perfectly
and binding of the books, as well as all
hook over my shoulder. We laughed
of the logistics. One of us alone couldn't
so hard, and I loved it so much, that I
complete a book, because we don't know
immediately asked her to get coffee
how to do what the other does. Every
with me again.
book is a joint effort, and a labor of love.
time, we try to make it fun, listening to
podcasts together while we work, or
spending time in between tasks talking
about our day. It isn't always easy, by any
means, but for us, it's worth it in the end.
(loveleafbooks.etsy.com)
JUNE
•
2014
CURVE
21
st LIPSTICK+DI
PSTICK
She Says She Doesn't
Love Me Anymore
Is it too late to bring back that lovin' feelin'?
BY LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: Rory and I have
been together for three years, married for one.
The entire time we've been married, I've been
going to nursing school full-time and working
full-time, so I'm rarely at home. Lately, when I
do get some time off, my wife goes out with
her friends, leaving me behind. A week ago,
she told me that she is no longer in love with
me and she hasn't been for a while. She says
it's my fault, because I don't give her what she
needs. But she also says she wants to "try." As
much as it hurts, I respect what she's sayingalthough I do feel it's unfair of her to ask me to
stick around and wait while she decides if she
can fall back in love with me. What should I
do?-Florence Nightindyke
//////////,W///////////////////////////.i,,,,,,,,,,,////////////////////////////////////////////,W///////////////////////////////n,,.,,,.,,,,,..,.,,,;,1WM,,,,,,,,,,,,y//////////,W///////,W////////////////////////
22
CURVE
JUNE
2014
Lipstick: Is it true, Nightindyke? Have you
short hair and everything. I live in a glass
neglected her? Are you so tired at the
closet. Should I not officially come out
end of the day that you just want to come
just because of my mom?-Living in a
home and stare at the television, with a
Glass Closet
wine IV? You've got to give her credit for
being honest and coming to you. Answer
Dipstick: First of all, let me congratulate
me this: Do you even want to stick around?
you for coming out to your mom. No
Are you really committed to this marriage?
matter how much progress we make, no
I'm not getting the vibe that you care a
matter how many states legalize same-
heck of a lot. If you do want to save your
sex marriage, no matter how many times
relationship, and if she's truly willing to
Macklemore sings "Same Love," coming
work on reconnecting, you should give it
out to the people closest to us is always
a try. Falling back in love is possible, if you
a brave act. Kudos to you, kid. From your
had a strong foundation in the beginning.
mom's request, I can see a bit about the
Consider pulling back on school a bit.
kind of family you come from-the
Maybe go part-time for a semester so you
where secrets are common. Twenty years
can focus on resuscitating your relation-
from now, you'll probably discover that
ship, just like you've been saving those
your real dad is a fiddler whose bluegrass
dying patients.
kind
band was passing through town, and that
your grandmother spent time in jail for
Dipstick: Pull your head out of your
bootleggin'. Your mom might be OK with
Nursing Ethics textbook and look around,
secrets, but you don't have to be. You've
Florence. Your wife is right. When some-
been honest with her, so why would you
one says she's no longer in love with you,
lie to anyone else? Asking you not to talk
she's saying the spark is gone. You know
about it isn't cool. So go ahead, tell that
it's missing. You've been sponge bathing
cute soccer player with the baggy shorts
elderly gentlemen instead of rubbing her
and backwards baseball cap that you think
shoulders. She's been out on the town
the two of you would make a great team.
twerking with her girls instead of doing
horizontal hip-hop with you. Going after
Lipstick: I agree with Dip. Congrats!
your dreams is good, but there needs to
There's no turning back now, Teenybopper,
be a balance. Did you not vow to honor
so get those feet planted firmly on the
and cherish Rory when you wed? You can't
ground. Your mom simply needs to deal
heal wounded strangers while your own
with it. Unlike you, she is still working
relationship needs nursing. But don't let
through some shame as it relates to your
Rory make you take all the blame. She's
beautiful revelation. That is her darkness,
got to own up to the part she's played in
not yours. You're 16 now, and you should
this case of benevolent neglect. And no,
be able to hold on to the steering wheel
you're not going to wait around for her to
and also hold on to that cute soccer player
fall back in love with you-you're
while you're shopping at the mall. Gently
going to
be an active participant. Woo her back and
push back, and let Mom know you aren't
remind her why it was that she fell for you
willing to go back into the cage. Explain
three short years ago.
how hard it is for you to lie-tell
her about
the damage it's done, emotionally and
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm 16 and
mentally. Perhaps seeing your angst will
I just told my mom that I'm a lesbian.
help Mom get past her own fear and put
She's cool with it, but the only thing she
your well-being first.•
asks is that I don't tell anyone else. I
really want to tell people though. I feel
Do you have a burning
comfortable with who I am, and I want to
question for Lipstick
let other chicks know that I think they're
& Dipstick? Write to
hot. It's obvious that I'm a lesbian. I have
ask@lipstickdipstick.com
So You
Want to
Havea
Baby
What you need to know before
embarking on IVF.BY DR. SHERYL Ross
It's been a long time coming but 17 states (plus
Washington, D.C.) have legalized same-sex marriage,
and employment rights and benefits have never
been so inclusive of LGBT couples. Same-sex couples
are now getting married, planning for a family and
living the American Dream. But what does living the
American Dream mean for lesbians when it comes to
planning for a family? If you Google search "lesbians
EMOTIONAL READINESS
Just because you can doesn't mean you should. You and your partner need to do your homework and research what it takes to plan
a family, the financial commitment to get pregnant and to bring a
new member to your family. The process can lead to a lot of stress
and depression for one or the both of you. Lengthy conversations
regarding the process from start to finish is vital. Practical discussions regarding who will carry the pregnancy, whose egg will
be used and where will you get the sperm are all questions that
need to be honestly discussed. Will the sperm be from a known
or direct donor or an anonymous donor?
The stress of starting a family is no joke. Straight couples are
three times more likely to divorce or become separated after failed
fertility treatments. This same study found that the most challenging time for couples is the transition to parenthood. If a couple
wasn't stable or had "marital" problems facing the challenges with
the fertility process than they will likely continue to struggle with
similar issues through the fertility process and beyond. I recommend that lesbian couples see a therapist prior to beginning
the pregnancy journey just to ensure that they are making the
right decision.
SELECTING AN 0B-GYN
Living in Los Angeles my exposure to the gay community is open,
accepting and widespread. I feel it is so important that you find
an OB-GYN in your city that is comfortable in dealing with lesbians and fosters a positive and supportive environment from
24
CURVE
JUNE
2014
and conception" the information that comes up is
lacking the adequate details to really learn about the
process. Being an OB-GYN in Los Angeles for over 22
years and caring for hundreds of lesbian couples I feel
a commitment to responsibly and properly educate
those of you wanting information about what it takes
to conceive. Here are the things lesbians should know
when planning a family.
beginning to end. In the past doctors have often been obstacles
for patients in wanting to learn about having a baby and what it
takes to make this happen. I would suggest doing your research.
If possible, seek out an OB-GYN in your community that has
worked with lesbian couples. If your city has an LGBT community or health center I would find out whom they recommend
locally. Talk to your friends who have been through the process.
Get recommendations that will make your experience comfortable, welcoming, educational, and cost-effective.
CHOOSING DON NOR SPERM
Choosing a reputable and accredited sperm bank is essential. You
want to find a bank that has the proper credentials which include:
Accredited by American Association of Tissue Banks (AATB),
Licensed by the State Department of Health, Certified by Clinical Laboratory Improvement Amendment of 1988 (CLIA) and
is in full compliance with FDA regulations. The California Cryobank fits this description and is one of the best in the country.
An alternatvie option for selecting a donor is to choose a
known donor or what is called a "directed donor:' If you decide
to use a brother or a friend, their sperm would go through the
same screening process as the unknown donor. The directed donor and his sperm are checked for medical problems and sexually
transmitted infections. Tests that need to be done prior to using
his sperm include:
• General health blood draw: cholesterol, hemoglobin and
VIEWS/
chemistry panel.
+
HIV Panel, Hepatitis Panel, Sexual
transmitted panel.
+
Genetic testing: Cystic fibrosis, spinal
muscular atrophy and hemoglobinopathy carrier screening. Additional genetic
screening is performed on donors with
Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry, Cajun, or French
Canadian ancestry.
The safest way to ensure your known
donor is healthy is to quarantine his
sperm for six months. The recommended
guidelines from the American Society of
Reproductive Medicine and the FDA are
to quarantine the sperm for six months
and have the donor tested for certain
viral diseases, including HIV and Hepatitis. Putting the sperm in the freezer
for 6 months doesn't cause any damage to
sperm of good quality.
""
TOOLS NEEDED FOR HOME ICI:
Ovulation Predictor Kit
+
One 3cc syringe
+
Sterile cup
+
Thin catheter/Tom Catheter that attaches to the syringe
+
INTRA-UTERINE INSEMINATION (IUI)
Washed sperm is placed directly into
the uterus through a catheter that goes
through the cervix. The sperm then swims
into the fallopian tubes where fertilization takes place. This is typically done by
a health care provider. A great way to include the partner is to allow her to push
the sperm into the uterus.
Whether you're having an ICI or IUI,
inseminations typically occur the day
you ovulate or the day after. Your health
care provider should give you necessary
details on when to call her for further
instructions. It is also good to know that
inseminations can take place seven days
a week.
THE
GOOD
NEWS
IS Lesbian couples have many unforeseen
THERE
ARE
MORE and unexpected expenses in order to create a baby, such as:
ADVANCED
TOOLS
THAT
YOU
CAN
USE
Insemination (ICI) $595
INSTEAD
OFUSING
THE per Intra-cervical
vial
Insemination (IUI) $695
OLD
FASHION
TURKEYper Intra-uterine
vial
the donor is open to at least one conBASTER. tactIfwith
the children it can cost $100/vial
FINANCIAL IMPACT
DONOR AND DIRECTED (KNOWN)
DONOR SPERM
+
+
+
''
additionally, and this includes 1 year of
free storage.
THE INSEMINATION PROCESS
SPERM STORAGE
Lesbian couples have to do artificial insemination using selected sperm. The two
options include:
Intra-cervical insemination (ICI) in
which unwashed sperm in placed at the
entrance of the cervix. ICI can be done
in the privacy of your own home. I would
discuss it with your health care provider
to learn how it is done and possibly have
your provider show you and your partner
how to do it at home.
Doing at home ICI is less costly and
much more intimate. The good news is
there are more advanced tools that you
can use instead of using the old fashioned
"turkey baster:'
+
+
+
3 month term $160
6 months term $275
12 months term $475
ADVI E
years or older), it is something you should
consider looking into.
IN VITRO FERTILIZATION (IVF)
$10,000-$15,000
PER CYCLE
Package options are typically available.
IVF is a process where you are given
fertility drugs to create many eggs in your
ovaries. At a specified time during your
menstrual cycle the eggs are extracted and
placed into a Petri dish. Your selected
sperm is added into the mix, an embryo
is created and carefully injected into the
uterus. This is sometimes done when eggs
are removed from one woman so that her
partner can carry the baby allowing both
women to participate in the pregnancy
experience. On average it takes four to six
months to conceive a child through IUL
Approximation cost of six months of IUI
with your healthcare provider is $5,970
PLANNING AHEAD IS KEY
Plan to meet with your healthcare provider three to six months ahead of time to see
if you are physically and mentally ready to
have a healthy pregnancy. A review of your
medical history is important to ensure
that you don't have any underlying medical conditions, such as diabetes or high
blood pressure that might have an adverse
effect on you or your unborn child. During
this visit your healthcare provider can also
go over medications you might be taking
that could be teratogenic or harmful to the
embryo during the early stages of conception. Also, making sure that you are on a
prenatal or multivitamin that contains at
least 400mcg to 1mg of folic acid at least
three months prior to conception is vital.•
Dr. Sheryl Ross is a board certified
OB-GYN in private practice and founder
of D3FY Vitamins, located in Santa
Monica, Calif. (drsherylross.com)
INSEMINATION BY A HEALTH CARE
PROVIDER $200-$300
CONSULTATION WITH INFERTILITY
PHYSICIAN FREE-$350
EGG FREEZING AND RETRIEVAL
$5,000-$7,500
Egg freezing and retrieval is an excellent
option if you definitely want to have children in the future but are not ready to get
pregnant. If you have "aging'' ovaries (35
JUNE
2014
CURVE
25
FEATURES/
DO YOU BELIEVE IN PRIDE?
Yes, and we used to go and watch. I've been in it as well. And
although it's fun to watch the parade, it really kind of depends
on the weather and the mood I'm in [laughs]. Although I do
celebrate, and I'm proud, I feel like I fight for LGBT rights and
marriage equality every single day of my life.
WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE CATHOLIC LEAGUE
WANTING TO MARCH IN THE NYC PRIDE PARADE?
The head of that Catholic League decided he was going to
boycott Guinness because Guinness would not march in the
St. Paddy's Day Parade because the LGBT community is not
allowed to march in that parade ... And now, of course, [Pride]
has said, "Fine:' And that's fine. I think it shows how secure we
are with who we are, how we don't feel threatened by straight
people. We are a very diverse and aware, very culturally sensitive
community. The best way to make that point is to let everyone
else march in our parade.
DO YOU FEEL FRED PHELPS HELPED GALVANIZE US?
He was so beyond ridiculous and over the top, standing at the
funeral of a veteran saying, "God hates fags:' He is sort of the
poster child for what a lot of America thinks. It really gave us a
visual of what we have to deal with constantly.
LAUGHTRA
you don't like pizza. You either like a joke or you don't like a
joke. The lesbian crowds I know-for example, Women's Week
in Provincetown- I think they have a great sense of humor,
despite the fact that women are pretty much attacked on a
daily basis. The attacks on Hillary ... Rush Limbaugh saying,
"We really want to see a woman age in office... " Look at the fat,
disgusting, drug~addicted hypocrite. You're against gay marriage
and you've been married four times!
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO LGBT PEOPLE WHO THINK WE
SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING FOR MARRIAGE EQUALITY?
That's fine, you don't have to fight for it. But when you have two
children and a partner and you want to be able to have equal
rights as a parent, as a spouse, to the point of being able to visit
someone in the ER or the ICU, to be able to pick your child up
from school, to be able to receive your spouse's pension or social
security and not lose your home. For those people who don't
support marriage equality-don't
get married. But to live in
this world as a gay parent or a gay spouse and to lose everything
when your partner dies and to have no right to your partner's
children-I'm
sorry, we deserve marriage equality and it's a
fight, and until our families are equal and people realize they all
know and love a gay person, this country's not going to change.
WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE
AS A COMIC HAVE YOU EVER SAID THINGS YOU WISH
YOU COULD TAKE BACK?
I was doing a benefit years ago for Howard Dean, 2003 or 2004,
he was in the lead at the time and I was not a fan of George W.
Bush-so I did this benefit and I was doing a set, which was
great, and at the end I said, "We've gotta get that living, breath~
ing piece of shit out of office;' which wasn't any big secret until
I said it. Of course my choice of words was really bad. I had
no idea all the press was in that room and I was vilified. And
rightly so. I learned a lot from that experience.
WOULD YOU BACK HILLARY CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN?
I love Hillary Clinton ... ! am 100 percent behind her. Forget
that she's a woman for a minute. Look at what she's done.
She was an incredible Secretary of State, she's full of knowl~
edge, full of confidence. She is incredibly classy and she has
a thick skin, which is exactly what you need. There's no one
more qualified and ready to be president than her.
IT'S BEEN SAID THAT WOMEN AND LESBIANS
AREN'T FUNNY. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?
I just did an Olivia cruise and I can't tell you
how wonderful those audiences were.
There are humorless lesbians, there are
humorless straight women, there
are humorless straight men,
and there are humorless gay
men. It's called a sense of
taste. You either
like pizza or
I'll be doing stand~up. The kids
will be in summer camp. So
maybe it's time to take care of
myself. (judygold.com)•
KIM STOLZ'S MEMOIR EXPLORES LIFE AND
LOVE IN THE DIGITAL AGE.
BY FRANCESCA LEWIS
BOOKS»
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
ocial media and
technology may
have revolutionized
our everyday lives,
but they are not without their
pitfalls. With the temptation
to make ill-advised connections constantly at our
fingertips, and face-to-face
communication becoming a
dying art, we may be losing as
much as we gain in this brave
new world. Unfriending My Ex
And Other Things I'll Never
Do, the memoir from Kim
Stolz, documents the technological revolution from within.
Stolz, who shot to fame on
America's Next Top Model
and has since worked as an
MTV News correspondent, a
restaurateur and is the current
Vice President of Equity
Derivatives sales at Citigroup,
is also, in her own words, "one
of the most digitally obsessed
and addicted people of my
generation:' In her new book,
Stolz takes us on a journey
that is both universal and
S
28
CURVE
JUNE
2014
personal, as she shares her life
as lived through social media
and the love/hate relationship
she has with technology.
Do you remember when
technology stopped being
fun and became a necessary evil?
I think what's exciting but also
scary about social media and
technology is that it doesn't
hit you at once; it seeps into
your life and your thoughts
and affects your behavior, your
relationships and your life
in general rather slowly and
contagiously. It always starts as
a "fun addition'' but within days
it's somehow become a "necessary evil" in my life that I can't
live without-that
is, until the
next one comes along.
Which came first- the impulse to write a book or the
idea for this particular book?
Writing has certainly always
been an interest. I never
actually considered writing a
book before this idea came to
mind and even when it did, I
didn't realize it would become
a book. I was on a plane to Los
Angeles when my girlfriend
broke up with me via email
because of a conversation I had
with an ex which wouldn't have
been started had it not been for
Facebook. I wrote a few pages
in somewhat of a rant- I had
just been broken up with-and
sent it to a friend who forwarded it to a literary agent she
knew and the rest was history.
One of the book's strengths
is its intimate and anecdotal
tone. What made you decide
to write from such a personal
perspective?
At first, the book was going to
be much more analytical. Then
I realized that this topic was
so very personal to me and to
my generation that it would be
a far more interesting read if
it were truly spoken with the
brutal honesty and sometimes
real pain which inspired it.
The book focuses on the
decrease in empathy that
occurs without face-to-face
interaction-the "empathy
deficit." What do you think
this means for minorities,
like the LGBT community, as
they navigate the web?
For every community, including LGBTs, we have to
think twice about how much
weight we give the conversations and relationships we
have solely online. The issue
with communicating through
a screen is that we can't see
the person's eyes on the other
side and that makes us less
conscious of their feelings-it
eliminates our ability to be
empathetic. As a minority
group, we need to make sure
we are protecting ourselves
and our community online.
REVIEWS/
You write about the temptation that comes along with
social media to impulsively
seek out new loves and old
flames. Have you been able
to avoid them?
That is the million~dollar
question. We can pinpoint
these issues and recognize
how detrimental our addiction
to social media can be, but
can we fix it? I have been able
to fix some very important
things: not letting myself
slide down a slippery slope of
stalking an ex and subsequently
getting back in touch. And I've
fixed some smaller things: be~
ing a better dinner partner for
my friends and family-aka
not spending the entire time
on my phone. My addiction to
social media obliterated any
potential alone time, so I'm
working on spending more
time with myself away from
BOOK REVIEWS
BOOKS
my phone and computer. And
I still haven't "unfriended" one
ex, but I'm working on it.
You dedicate your book to
your iPhone-would you
say you still believe that
technology has enriched
your life?
Before I wrote the book,
I would have said that my
addiction to social media is
more detrimental than posi~
tive but now, having learned
lessons through writing it and
getting to know myself better
because of the experience,
I think I'm at a place where
I'm being enriched more
than negatively impacted. I
do have to recommend the
digital detox I talk about in
the beginning of the book. It
completely changed me and
the way I saw my life, rela~
tionship, and friends outside
the digital bubble. •
heartache and, of course,
anth ropomorph ic an i ma Is.
With her trademark art style,
minimal yet expressive in its
~·
PAGE
~TURNERS
clean black and white lines,
Obomsawin helps us easily
relate to her cast of oddly cute
and unique creatures, imbuing
their simply drawn faces with
On loving Women
emotions that are surprisingly
By Diane Obomsawin
human and complex. The
(Drawn and Quarterly)
accompanying narration and
Made up of fascinating and
dialogue is simple, econom-
diverse snippets from nine
ical, and almost diary-like in
queer women's love lives, the
its tone. Every situation and
new graphic novel On Loving
experience is unique, in the
Women by Canadian animator
way that only true ones can be,
Diane Obomsawin is a light,
and yet you will find yourself
sweet and poignant read. A
deeply empathizing with every
lovely collection of stand-alone
character. The universal appeal
coming out stories, gathered
of these characters makes this
from the author's friends and
a book for anyone that has
ex-lovers, the book ties to-
searched for themselves down
gether this series of nostalgic
the magical and infuriating
tales with common threads
rabbit-hole that is romantic
like identity, attraction, family,
love. -Francesca
Lewis
JUNE
2014
CURVE
29
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
The Bilerico Project. If you're interested in
how everything connects and intersects,
Against Equality is a truly informative,
must-have anthology. -Cygnus
Fogle
A Family By Any Other Name:
Exploring Queer Relationships
Bruce Gillespie
(Touchwood
Editions)
This collection of short autobiographical
pieces by LGBT people offers an insider's
look at what makes a family in all its
forms. There's a vibrant diversity to them,
in terms of gender, ethnicity, religion,
age, and more. There are long-term couples who adopt or opt for IVF, but there
are also single people enmeshed in families of choice, single parents, and even
one family that I had to diagram while
attempting
to understand its sprawling
beauty. Gillespie includes several mo-
Against Equality: Queer Revolution,
Not Mere Inclusion
ments of stinging familiarity. One story
references the realization that the family's
Ryan Conrad
usual dinner seating chart reflected a
(AK Press)
coded homophobia and another dis-
Meant as "an introduction
to the diverse
cusses being asked "Which one of you
Double Pregnant
array of radical queer and trans critiques
is the real mom?" None of the stories
leveled against mainstream gay and les-
get bogged down in those memories
Natalie Meisner
bian politics," Against Equality documents
of criticism and hostility, however. The
(Fernwood Publishing)
the queer and trans resistance to a gay
most painful accounts describe how a
This entertaining
agenda that has failed to address the
civil union can't necessarily save a failing
a stunning idea: what if both members of
personal tale starts with
structural changes that need to take place
relationship, or the difficulty of a parent's
a lesbian couple got pregnant at the same
not only in our communities,
death. The collection comes from a some-
time? It records the efforts of Meisner and
times brutal but consistently affirming
her wife, an interracial and trilingual cou-
but in our
country at large. With topics ranging from
the battle for marriage equality to how
ple, to do just that (which they manage to
the end of DADT is contributing
do with only a two-month
to the
gap between
destructive expansion of U.S. imperialism
them). It's a compelling
and neocolonialism,
stories of pregnancy, a sort of "what to
Against Equality's
twist on familiar
hope with this anthology is for "those who
expect when you never thought you'd be
may be interested in only one area of our
expecting, let alone like this." The book
archive to engage with the other themes."
explores the familiar ups and downs of
What began as a one-person blog even-
artificial insemination, but times two. But
tually turned into a "small, all-volunteer,
getting pregnant is only half the battle
anti-capitalist
as the couple faces many challenges,
collective that maintains an
online archive of radical queer and trans
critiques of the holy trinity of mainstream
gay and lesbian politics: gay marriage,
gays in the military, and hate crime legislation." The section on queer critiques
of gay marriage, for example, includes an
a 1family
oy any
ot her natne
EXPLORING
QUEER
RELATIONSHIPS
open letter penned by "Aunty" Kate Bornstein along with pieces from The Gay and
Lesbian Review, Maximum RocknRoll and
30
CURVE
JUNE
2014
heartbreaks and triumphs on the way to
motherhood.
In the end, there are also
the two labors, complicated
in their own
ways. Amid a long story of pregnancy
classes and general worries, the emotional weight in those scenes is a stark
reminder of just how difficult pregnancy
EDITED BY BRUCE GILLESPIE
still is-and
-William
how rewarding.
Northup
t
OFFICIAL
■
63
SELECTION
Internationale
Filmfestspiele
Berlin
Panorama
"Oneofthebiggest
C
C
WINNER)',i
AUDIENCE
AWARD
WINNER)',i
AUDIENCE
AWARD
FORBEST
FEATURE
FRAMELINE
FOR
BEST
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-
lesbian
filmsof
the
OUTFEST
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-Queerty.com[Movies
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Shouldn't
Miss}
"Pires
conveys
a charismatic,
energetic
masculine
eroticism
...Ottoeffortlessly
channels
a Susan
Hayward-ish
typeofsteeliness
andvulnerability;'
- LATimes
This sumptuous English-language 'SOsperiod piece
tells the passionate love story of Pulitzer
Prize-winning poet Elizabeth Bishop (Miranda Otto,
Lord of the Rings)and Brazilian architect Lota de
Macedo Soares (butched up to the hilt by beautifully
handsome Brazilian TV star Gloria Pires).
Grab your
WINNER!){WINNER!J\\(_¢WINNER!)\\
am
( WINNER!)"'(_¢
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FESTIVAL
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FOR
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TORONTO
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OUT
l68TAl.II
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"Heartwarming,
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fllMfESIIVAL
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MARGARI
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by Dominique
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nnd Laurie Colbert
-Curve
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"Theperformances,
especially
byDamude
andgirlfriend
Christine
Horne
areverygood,
andthere's
lotsof gratuitous lesbian sex inthehottub:'-NowToronto.com
This wonderful lesbian drama tells the tale of an
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I
first saw Ellyott Ben Ezzer in a pub
in Camden, London, onstage with
Queercore band Sister George. That
was back in 1994: I'd only been out
for two weeks and luckily had stumbled
onto a vibrant gay punk scene that I im~
mediately identified with. The room was
jammed with misfits of all sexualities danc~
ing madly while Ezzer-then
known as
Ellyott Dragon-played
guitar and spat
the bands' lyrics out.
32
CURVE
JUNE 2014
Nearly 20 years later, and now living in
Tel Aviv, Israel Ezzer released her debut
solo album, 5772. It's a return to singing
after a successful career as a DJ and com~
poser of television and film scores as well
as becoming a mother. The album is re~
freshingly difficult to pin down to a partic~
ular musical genre. It's a world away from
the noisy antics of Sister George and post
Queercore indie~punk outfit Nightnurse,
but it's certainly not easy listening, par~
ticularly in terms of the lyrics, which are
heartbreaking in places.
For Ezzer, going from being a musician
in a band to releasing her solo album was a
slow and challenging process. "There is no
way around admitting that I am a control
freak;' Ezzer confesses."! try very hard to be
a charming, caring control freak: a benevo~
lent tyrant. But I am one, nonetheless. You
would think a solo album would be a natu~
ral choice for me, following two decades of
trying to get band members to do what I
hear in my head, and not always succeeding:
but I took my time. Then I realized I was
sabotaging mysel£ telling myself I wasn't
ready, and all the other bullshit girls tell
themselves because we are brought up to
belittle ourselves. I actually needed a huge
shock-my father died and my relationship
of 10 years collapsed all within one weekto start making my album. I just sat myself
down in my lovely little studio in Jaffa for
a year, and did it all mysel£ including the
mixing, which I have never done before. I
finally managed to sound the way I wanted
to my whole life. Lucky
for me, the album was
received with huge love
and appreciation, and
was album of the year
for Israel's two biggest
music critics:'
For her solo album
Ezzer dug deep both
emotionally and into
her family's often tragic history. "This album
indeed is an extra personal one. I opened up
like never before. It
might sound strange
but when my father
died, I felt like I could
walk through walls. I
felt clear and strong,
there was no time for
half-truths or waiting
around-life had to be
lived right away, and
songs had to be written and recorded to
their fullest. This is why I dared for the first
time to write of the loss and tragedy of my
family during the holocaust ("I Look Like
My Mother"), something I always wanted
to do but never dared. My mother's family
managed to escape from Prague at the end
of 1939, when she was five, and everyone
they had left behind, including her beloved grandmother, died in a horrific way.
Everyone always said how much I look like
that grandmother, and this song has been
brewing in me for years:'
For Ezzer, family, politics and race are
interwoven. The album's tide, 5772, is the
year in the Jewish calendar that the album revolves around. 'J\ll I went through
during that year is in this record-losing
my father, the breakup, motherhood, and
the very troubled and amazing place I live
in. Israel is controlled by men, both generals and rabbis, and is occupying another
people. Many things need to be changed
in this incredible country, and I sing about
it-in this album, and ever since I've started out. Some of my songs were banned by
the radio as early as 1989.
"When I came out in Israel in 1989 I
was the very first artist, male or female, to
do so. The press could hardly believe it!
Such a juicy story fell into their laps: an out
dyke with a flat-top and a leather jacket,
not apologizing for being queer. I was front
page news for ages. There was only one TV
channel here in those
days, and once you appeared on it, everyone
knew you. I was 'the
only lesbian' forever. It
took years and years for
the next artist to follow
me, but now there are
quite a few 'out' artists.
When I came back to
live in Tel Aviv in 2002,
I established myself as
a DJ, singer and producer, and people were
slowly able to see past
that first image:'
Ezzer's
life
has
changed immeasurably
since the days when
she was the sole lesbian musician in Israel.
She has found love
and started a family. "I
never thought I would
have children, and it didn't come easily or
naturally to me. It's hard work, the finest I
have ever done. Lucy is almost 10, and my
partner's daughter, Ariel, is 13. We are a
house of four women, all strong and opinionated and clever and funny. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such a family.
After my relationship of 10 years-with
Lucy's other mom-broke to pieces, I took
time to heal. But when I met Ayelet [Shematovich ], I knew this was the love of my
life,just like in the songs! Every morning I
thank the Universe, not only for this love,
but for living in a place and age where I can
live with a woman and have a family. We
are not married and it is not legal in Israel,
but we can live and thrive, and I most certainly have not said the last word in that
subject of rights. The fight goes on, always:'
(ellyott.bandcamp.com) •
ANOUT
DYKE
WITH
AFLAT-TOP
AND
ALEATHER
JACKET,
NOT
APOLOGIZING
FOR
BEING
QUEER.
I
WAS
FRONT
PAGE
NEWS
FOR
AGES.
"WHISKEY&W1INE
VOLi.
THENEWEPBY
ANTIGONE
RISING
AVAILABLE
NOW
ometimes all it takes is just a
spark, and for writer, director and Noka Productions
co-founder Hazuki Aikawa, the
spark that ignited Reflection came out of
the Christian environment she grew up in.
Amidst back-and-forth debates over
the ever-present issue of same-sex marriage, Aikawa found herself hearing the
same things reiterated.
"The anti-gay marriage opinions that
I heard were, for example, that the Bible
says marriage should be between a man
and a woman. It just struck me-what do
you mean by 'man' and what do you mean
by 'woman'? Is it an anatomical thing?
Or is it like a psychological thing? What
does it mean to be a man? And what does
it mean to be a woman? It's not what it
seems. I kind of wanted to yell that from
the top of my lungs:'
From there, Aikawa began to wonder
what must it be like to come to a realization about one's own gender non-conformity and how it would feel to have that
acknowledged by your family-and
from
that thought, Reflectionwas born.
The film marks the first time Noka
S
34
CURVE
JUNE 2014
Films has delved into gender identity as
a topic. Throughout Reflection'stwo-year
production period, Aikawa explains that it
was always important for her to work with
people from within the trans community
to make the film as accurate a portrayal of
trans experience as possible.
'Tm straight and I am very proud of
this film that I made with my friends, and
I think that people who are of the LGBT
community and families- I hope they
take it in a very positive way knowing that
it came from a team that is a mix of LG BT
and straight people;' Aikawa explains.
The film opens with a beautiful androgynous fashion model on a photo
shoot. Present-day reality quickly blends
with flashbacks to the child and their
mother, and the film follows them through
both ethereal and jarring slice-of-life
scenes. Early on in the film, in a slap-tothe-face moment, the mother says to her
8-year old child, "You're not special, you're
different. They're not the same thing:'
While confronting her child's evolving gender identity head-on, the mother's
experiences remain the main focus of the
film and were the driving force behind
Aikawa's inspiration. It feels difficult at
times to sympathize with a character who
struggles to provide unconditional support for her child. But she's not perfect,
she's human-an
amalgam of good and
bad and everything in-between, just like
the rest of us.
When asked what she wants Reflection
to be for LGBT families, Aikawa expresses many hopes for the short film: "I just
want them to take the film as an encouragement. To have a film that focuses on
family acceptance. And how family acceptance might not be beautiful; there's a
lot of struggles that come with it. There
needs to be a lot of patience and [attempts] to understand each other. I think
it's very universal. I am very interested in
hearing what people think of the film;'
Aikawa says.
"I hope that people watch the film and
also [hope they'll] be very vocal about what
they think about it. Whether it's a positive
response or a negative response, the whole
idea behind it was to encourage discussion
and bring this idea of the importance of
family acceptance more into the spotlight:'
(nokafilms.com/ reflection/) •
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REVIEWS/
CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1.
4.
9.
Actor who played Dr. Anna
Del Amico on ER, Maria
ABC morning show anchor
who recently came out,
Robin
Escort's offering
10. Emerald is its birthstone
11. Her memoir was made into
a film, Valencia: the Movie/s,
Michelle
12. Half a bikini
13. Golf or tennis championship
15.
the knot
16. Famed love potion number
18. Actor who played a trans man
in Boys Don't Cry, Hilary_
19. Nurse, for short
20. State that recently approved
gay marriages
26. Piece of jewelry worn to
attract romance into your life
(2 words)
29. Top Gun star who came out
in 2012, _ McGillis
36
CURVE
33. It's been a battleground
issue for gay people over
several years
38. Former Cosby Show actor
who came out recently
(2 words)
40. "The Queen of Lesbian Pulp
Fiction,"_ Bannon
2014
4.
Character in Dallas Buyers
Club played by Jared Leto
5.
Is the Warmest Color
movie
6.
Emulate Sister Souljah
35. The voice of the LGBT
community, abbr.
7.
Kama
36. Obsessed with
8.
The Color Purple writer,
Alice
37. Selen sin
14. Stay unsettled
17. Frigid
18. Start of a plan or a fire
41. Business degree
21. Detroit locale
43. "_, I Love You" from the
Doors
23. Transgender activist,
McDonald
44. Parade stopper
24. Actor Long
45. Boldly provocative
25. Darling
27. Itinerary word
DOWN
JUNE
Finance adviser who's
married to Kathy Travis
32. Swimming heroine and LGBT
role model, Diana _
1.
Stunning
28. Cynthia Nixon's wife,
Christine
2.
"Same Love" singer, Mary_
30. Wanted poster initials
22. Toned
23. "True Colors" singer and
LGBT activist (2 words)
3.
31. Tint
32. Toward the pole where
Santa works
33. "Continuum" singer, John_
34. New couple
39. Tennessee athlete, for short
42. "Let it
": Beatles advice
TUR
=s1STYLE
STYLIST:MELISSA MILLAN
PHOTOS: RICH QUALTERS
he trend to challenge the divides between
menswear and womenswear continues with
the San Francisco-based label Androgyny,
created by Melissa Millan, who has made it
her mission to re-engineer menswear to fit
the female body "Our mission is simply to
inspire personal confidence by providing
clothes that fit as true as one's own skin," says
Millan, a graduate of Smith College with a BA
in Economics
An investment banker for Morgan Stanley,
and self-described shopaholic who became
disillusioned with the lack of fashion options
for women interested in appealing androgynous fashion that also suited the business
world, Millan decided to do something about
this gap in the market. In 2009 she hung up
her power suits and pearls and Joined Levi
Strauss in San Francisco. By night, she took
fashion classes and prepared to start her own
venture. Just two years later, she received
her MBA from UC Berkeley's Haas School of
Business and began product development
at Androgyny The thrust of her approach to
a timeless tomboy aesthetic was to re-craft
the perfect button-up shirt and adapt it to
the curves of the female form-and
leave the
wearer feeling comfortable, confident, and
empowered
"I started Androgyny because I was a
frustrated consumer," says Millan "I struggled
to find clothes that fit both my body and my
identity Every time I stepped foot into a store
I struggled I struggled to find clothes that
not only fit me properly but also allowed me
to feel comfortable and confident In doing
some preliminary market research, I realized I
was not alone and left my life as an investment banker to pursue Androgyny"
Models (in order
of appearance):
Jenn Anderson-Crockett,
Melissa Millan,
Alexis Kavazanjian,
Kate Mulhern,
Jordan Brown
Emily Lutyens
Piper Payne
Alexis Kavazanjian
38
cu
JUNE
2014
While women's clothing is too form fitting
and restrictive, and menswear is usually too
formless and oversized, Millan tried to correct
these disparities with features such as the
box pleat and a strategic re-placement of
the center buttons to accommodate breasts
Voita,the Signature Fit
"We also removed the front darts typical
of women's shirts, so attention is less likely to
be drawn to the chest area. Finally,we've designed our shirts to give our customers a new
freedom and versatility in terms of where and
when they can wear our shirts-with a length
that's long enough to stay tucked in, yet short
enough to leave untucked after work"
Millan's vision has been met with
success. The first few collections have completely sold out The shirts feature fabrics
such as gingham and 100 percent Japanese
cotton in soothing, low-key color palette of
royal blue, light navy, turquoise, gray and
charcoal Each shirt is handcrafted in small
quantities in San Francisco
"We hope to be able to expand both our
product assortment and sizing slowly over
time. Our goal is to become the go-to brand
for the androgynous female-bodied person's
needs" (wearandrogyny.com)
FEATURES/
40
CURVE
STYLE
JUNE
2014
SNAPBACK HAT, $20
5-panel Mesh
Subliminal Print
Colors:
Available in 5 styles;
A Hart, Ellie Ro, Flo
Kay, Rozie P, Suzie B
Sizes:
One size fits most
MUSCLE TANKS
(BLACK), $20
Available in 3 styles
Sizes:
Small, Medium,
Large, X Large
TURES/
STYLE
~ he tomboy trend continues
with Girls Will Be Boys
(GWBB),a lifestyle brand
which offers a full line of
active apparel perfect for
Pride season. Last winter
the lesbian label launched its highly
anticipated tank tops, sports bras and
an array of muscle tank tops, along with
its signature boxer briefs The quality
garments blend the urban aesthetic of
street wear with the comfort of active
wear to appeal to the modern tomboy as
an active individual who doesn't conform
to society's typical female gender role.
The GWBB tomboy is tough but can also
be feminine and sexy when she desires
because she dresses to please herself,
not others. To embody this spirit the label
has named its snapback hats after gutsy
women in history such as Amelia Earhart,
Eleanor Roosevelt, Florence Nightingale,
Rosa Parks,and Susan B Anthony Nice
attitude. (gwbbclothing com)
I
MUSCLE TANKS (WHITE), $20
Available in 3 styles
Sizes:
Small, Medium, Large, X Large
SIGNATURE BOOTY BRIEFS, $17
95% Cotton/ 5% Spandex Nylon Elastic Waist
Band with Signature Logo
Colors:
Black, Purple, Gray, Blue, Pink, Green
Sizes:
Small, Medium, Large, X Large
42
CURVE
JUNE
2014
LOW BACK MUSCLE TANKS, $17
Available in 2 styles:
Girls Will Be Boys Muscle Tank
GWBB Black Logo Tank
Sizes:
Small, Medium, Large, X Large
SNAPBACK HATS, $20
5 panel Mesh Snapback Hats/ Subliminal Print
Colors:
Available in 5 styles; A Hart, Ellie Ro, Flo Kay,
Rozie P,Suzie B
Sizes:
One size fits most
SIGNATURE BOXER BRIEFS, $19
95% Cotton/ 5% Spandex with Nylon Elastic Waist
Band with Signature Logo
Colors:
Black, Purple, Gray, Blue, Pink, Green
Sizes:
Small, Medium, Large, X Large, XX Large
JUNE
2014
CURVE
43
FEATURES/
ard as it is to believe, Suzanne Vega's last studio
effort, the wonderful Beauty and Crime, was
released way back in 2007. Until recently, she
hasn't unveiled an album of new material, but
he has stayed busy. In 2011, Vega played a
troubled Southern novelist in the one-woman, off-Broadway show
Carson McCullers Talks About Love. And over the last several
years, she has turned out a series of four albums called Close-Up,
each one containing new, stripped down versions of older songs.
The series was released as a box set in April. And now there's a
new studio disc.
Talesfrom the Realm of the Queen of Pentacles, released in Februar» is not a concept
album per se, but there
does seem to be a thematic thread running
through some of its 10
songs. It's a less autobiographical album than
Beauty and Crime, but
maintains
that
disc's
penchant
for concise
songcraft and diverse
musical backdrops. Not
being familiar with the
Queen of Pentacles mysel£
I asked Vega-who,
incidentally, is one of the
nicest, most unpretentious people you'll ever
meet-to
give me the
lowdown on this mystery lady.
"She's a mythic archetype ... from the Tarot
deck;' Vega replies. "People keep asking me that, like she's a real person. Like I'm gonna
tell them [it's] my aunt, you know?" she laughs. "[But] the archetype comes from the Tarot ... The Pentacles is the realm of
wealth, the body, and the material world. So at her best, she's a
nurturing, giving figure. But at her worst, she's kind of materialistic. The Fool is like the opposite of the Queen of Pentacles.
The Queen of Pentacles in the song is this greedy figure who
just thinks about herself and her stuff. And The Fool is this free
person who has all his belongings in a little bag and wanders
the world. It's a fun prism to look at life through:"'Fool's Complaint;' the second song on Tales, is one of the more traditionally
THE L LI
Vega-esque tracks on the album-concise
and poetic.
The song that follows it, however, is pure rock 'n' roll. "I Never
Wear White" is still poetic-but
this time the poetry is married
more to hard rock than to folk rock, and Vega pulls it off beautifully.
"It really did come from looking at my closet every day, trying to
figure out what to wear;' she says when I ask her about the song's
genesis. "And most of the time it is black. Over the years, I've noticed that there's an attitude inherent in wearing black, which you
don't always realize until you leave New York and other people
respond in a certain way. About 10 years ago, my daughter and I
were on vacation. She was about 9 at the time and she said, 'Mom!
Why are you wearing all black?' And I went, 'Well, you know, because I'm from New York.
It's what I feel comfortable
in: And she's like, 'Yeah, but
we're at the beach!' And we
were! We were on a beach
in Mexico. And my daughter [said], 'You look so
emo!' And she didn't mean
it in a good way:'
Another interesting tune
from Tales is "Don't Uncork
What You Can't Contain:'
Though her music has
been sampled many times
over the years-notably
by the British duo DNA,
who turned her a cappella
song "Tom's Diner" into a
fluke hip-hop smash-this
marks the first time in her
career that Vega has sampled someone else. In this
case, she works in a subtle
sample of the 50 Cent hit
"Candy Shop:' At first glance, it may seem strange that Suzanne
Vega is sampling a hip-hop artist who was shot nine times
at close range. But it makes more sense than you might think.
"The end results are kind of different;' Vega admits. "I mean, I
chose to use the guitar to express my ideas. But I feel that there's
a kind of resonance between what I do and the hip-hop world.
There's a few people who get that. Certain rappers were saying
that the rhythms in the words, from especially [my] first album,
were something that resonated. [And] honestly, when I listen to
some of Dylan's work from 1964, I hear the hip-hop rhythms in
the flow of the words:' Skeptics are advised to go to her website
JUNE 2014
CURVE
45
and check out the poem "Written After·a
Triumphant Fight;' whi_ch<Waspennell by
a 13~year~old Vega after ·sne oeat up a boy
named Tony Washington.
Vega--=-who cites her mother, Pat, and
the late Laura Nyro as two of her main
influ~nces_:_has written eloquently about
women throµghout he~ career. In addition
~o discussing her newer material, I had
the (hance to chat with her about some
of the best songs from her back catalog.
Longtime fans will no doubt remember
"Neighborhood
Girls;' the final track
from her selrtided debut, which was
ahout local prostitutes.
• • "That was ·kind of an odd song;' she re~
inembers:"I was on the number 1 train~
going·to work, and I think I o'verheard t~at
whole first verse. I overheard somebody
say that on the train! I thought, 'That's a
weird thing to say: I sort of kept it with
-me, and when I got ·to work, I wrote it
down. And eventually I decided to flesh it
our--iri.my mind and ir_naginewhat the rest
of that conversation could have been like:'
I also asked Vega about "Stockings;' a
mysterious, seemingly Sapphic love song
from her 1996 album Nine Objects of
Desire."That one was based on a wom~n·
.who showed me the line of her stockings,"
she says. "In the '80s, we went through •
this phase where you could wear these
sort of garter~less ;tockings. And this
woman who -was on .a photo shoot, she
kind of hiked up .her skirt. arid showed
me her stockings. She was very attractiv~
and there was kind of a flirtation th~re.
It never led to anything-nor
have any
of my other flirtations with women. 1~m
pretty straight. B.ut it was a ·moment that
was worthy of noting.
''At the time I wrote the song,) was
married,'.: she continues with a laugh: "So
you qn imagine that raised some eye~
• brows, especially with my then~husband!"
(suzan,nevega.com) •
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Toshi Reagon and BIGLovely • Leslie & the Ly's
Hunter Valentine • MazzMuse • Beverly McClellan
Melissa Ferrick • Shelley Nicole's blaKbushe
Marcelle Davies-Lashley• Bitch • Krudas Cubensi
Skip The Needle • Linda Tillery & Barbara Higbie
Cocomama • Ubaka Hill • Slanty Eyed Mama
Xoe Wise • Chix Lix • Sandra Valls • Dana Eagle
Medusa • Baskery • Ruth Barrett • Aleah Long
Karen Williams • Dance Brigade • Cheryl Wheeler
Staceyann Chin • Cris Williamson
michfest.com
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TURES/COVER
STORY
Why everyone is following this prison dramedy.
BY TIFFANY LOWANA
range Is The New B/acksure, it's a catchy title. But I
almost didn't give the series
a chance, even though I
knew that it blew away the
other Netflix original series,
the star-studded House of
Cards and Arrested Development,
with its built-in fan base. Not only
were critics not criticizing it, they
seemed to be rabid about this
series. Suspicion clawed: How could
anything be that good?
48
CURVE
JUNE
2014
After committing to watch a single episode, I pulled an allnighter and, in a deliciously moreish trance, wat:chid all 13
episodes back-to-back. A skeletal backdrop for th<>se,,~f youanyone?-who have so far missed out: The series is basedon Piper
Kerman's memoir of the same name. Season one, all~f:~ch was
released on July 11 last year in one hit, takes us into
, dogeat-dog world of prison, where the lights are n
letely
switched off. Piper Chapman enters medium-sec
hfield
Penitentiary, leaving behind her fiance, Larry; herb
lifestyle; and her ultra-bougie soap-making busin
to be in Barneys!" She's serving 15 months for ad
related crime committed with her former lover..
is a lesbian. Not long after she's in there, Alex
her:
"Maybe this is a bad time to say hi:'
As the sun came up, I had just one question·
have to wait to see season two? Fortui1ately th
over,
season two premieres on
x on June 6.
Now, I've h~ tny sugary fixes of lesbian
but
somethitrg about this show was different. In£
rent.
TUREstCOVER
STORY
Lea DeLaria, who plays Big Boo, says, "Yep, the show is
surreptitiously feminist ... ! think it says a lot for our show that
teenage boys want to have their picture taken with me. I think that's
an amazing step, not just for women, and not just for lesbians, but
for butches. Even fat women. It's reaching a group of people that we
would never have been able to reach before:'
DeLaria also says it has pried open some much~needed
conversation on what's happening in women's prisons. "We feel
for Alex;' she says. 'J\.nd I think a lot of people have that relating
experience to Piper:' OITNB humanizes prisoners who are usually
demonized. These women are not their crimes. Through flashbacks
we see their stories, which are often saturated with mental health
issues, drug issues, and homelessness. While never excusing their
crimes, OITNB does present them in context. If you'd had another
upbringing, in another set of circumstances, if you'd taken a fatal
wrong turn, could you have been one of these women?
to Litchfield, as does Lorraine Toussaint.
Toussaint will play Vee, the steely leader
of a drug ring that uses children as "run~
ners"-yep, Vee's going to be controversial.
Cryptically, (but we'll take it), Kohan has
said, "I think Piper survives by her behavior,
and I think there were consequences to her
behavior:' If there is a season three-and
why wouldn't there be?-it will follow the
guards' stories.
But will Piper and Alex wind up in a re~
lationship? What happens to Piper and
Pennsatucky after the cliffhanger of all
cliffhangers? And what the hell is with that
chicken?
On why it's off-the~charts successful, DeLaria says,"My business
head is going,'Because they dropped all the episodes at once-that's
new: But it also shows how starved people have been for something
like this. And we're dramedy. It's hands~down fucking hilarious:'
It's also a show that isnt afraid to really go there. Creator Jenji
Kohan, the wild virtuoso behind Weeds, isn't afraid to give her char~
acters exactly what they need to say. Pornstache hisses at born~again
fundamentalist Pennsatucky,"I want to fuck Jesus in his hand~hole:'
SMOULDERING.
INKED.
BADASS.
~~vou
wantto
know
what's
really
different
about
0/TNB?"
Delariaasks.
It's··aproject
withso
many
women,
somany
important
roles,
somany
ofthemlesbians.
And
when
you've
beeninthe
business
aslongasI've
beeninthebusiness,
business
isrunbymen."
As for season two teasers? I really tried, and this much I did find
out: It will be less Piper~centric-Taystee and a Crazy Eyes have
been upgraded to series regulars; the focus will widen to include
Morello, Sister Ingalls, Poussey, and Miss Rosa. Lori Petty comes
50
CURVE
JUNE
2014
She of the jet~lined, unnerving eyes and the
maverick rockabilly hotness: Alex Vause.
When fans thought she wasn't coming back
for season two, their uproar found its way
across every media platform. Laura Prepon,
who plays Alex, says,"It was really flattering. I
wanted to be there for season two ... but there
was a scheduling conflict:' (Exhale: Prepon
managed to work it so that she is, in fact, in
most of season two.)
And it was hard to miss those caustic ru~
mors about why she might not have been
back at all. Did it bother her that the rumors
were about Scientology being anti~queer?
She laughs hard before she answers, "Well,
that's a bold question! I mean, yeah, it did
bother me, because it's not true. You know, I
portray a lesbian on camera. I'm a huge sup~
porter of the LGBT community, I've done
work in L.A. for equality, so when I hear these
rumors, it's pretty ridiculous. Apparently, I'm
dating Tom Cruise-and I've never even met
the guy:' [At press time, rumors had resur~
faced that Cruise and Prepon were dating.]
Alex is a drug lord to her mule and muse,
Piper. Even so, Prepon loves Alex. "She's such
a badass, you know what I mean? I do think
she's a good person, but she's also cutthroat and does what she
needs to do to survive, because that's what she has done her whole
life. Alex is also very real and very vulnerable. Piper totally broke
her heart, so there are many things in Alex that I can relate to:'
Bare~skinned Prepon even has tattoo envy.
Prepon may be straight, but says OITNB has really shown her
that, basically, chemistry is chemistry. "I have acted with men I
have no chemistry with. With Taylor [Schilling], our chemistry
was instant and awesome. I mean, I've never portrayed a lesbian
on camera, so I was a little nervous, but I think the scenes turned
out really, really well because, at the end of the day, it's about the
love between these two people:'
JUNE
2014
CURVE
51
TURES/COVER
Now to one of the more relentless questions: Does she want
Alex and Piper to be together? "They have a bond at a level that's
above what most people have. It's really tumultuous. It's definitely
sometimes a crazy love... they screw each other over all the time,
you know? I mean, personally, I do think that they are the love of
each other's life, so hopefully it works out!" Really? Are you kindofnot-exactly telling us something? I can almost hear Alex's husky
laugh, and see that imperceptibly cocked eyebrow. "I can't say!" It's
hard to imagine her auditioning for Piper.
More than once, the 34-year-old Prepon (most recognized as
Donna from That '70s Show), has walked onto the OITNB set,
read her script, and thought, Oh god, I can't believe I have to do
that! "There were a lot of those days. When I read that Taylor and
I start dancing, and then Big Boo and Crazy Eyes start 'daggering,'
you're like, 'What is daggering?' And then you look it up and find
out it's this crazy Caribbean dance incorporating frantic, dry sex,
and you're like, 'OK, today we're daggering'! Or when Taylor and I
have sex in a church. It's incredible. It's great:'
The actor has a friend whose 85-year-old grandmother is hooked
on the show. The diversity of the audience is staggering. 'J\nd a lot
of lesbians support the show. I've gotten many proposals in recent
months!" she laughs. "It's hilarious:' Hilarious? Yes. Surprising? No.
like jumping into cold water:' The sex scenes with Prepon, however, didn't faze her. "She's so wonderful. And we're really quite
close. Yeah, it was easy:'
Piper's character arc is arresting. The white, middle-class Smith
graduate bumbles her way into prison armed with naivety and
judgmental-albeit
at times subconscious-side-glances.
Piper's
prattling mother reassures her, "You're nothing like any of these
women:' Piper says, 'Tm no different from anybody else in here.
I made bad choices. I committed a crime, and being in here is
no one's fault but my own:' With trademark OITNB humor, her
mother insists, "Darling, you were a debutante:'
Kohan's writing uses humor to approach a lot of dark subject
matter. Schilling says, "I think that's how we really experience
life. I think there's an element of [the idea that] it's never just one
thing. You know, there's laughing at a funeral, there's giggling in a
church. That's how we process things:'
Schilling has had a character arc of her own. "Yeah, the show's
changed my views in a lot of ways:' Giving her a greater understanding of classism and racism? "Yeah. It's opened my eyes to issues I didn't know were there. And from what I've heard, it seems
like it really captures women's relationships with one another
in prison very beautifully:' Speaking of women's relationships,
Schilling says the women on set are "like my sisters now:'
So what does she think about the idea of Piper and Alex ending up together?"Umm ... yeah. I'd like to see the story go wherever the story is meant to be. I think that they have a pretty special
connection, for sure:' Then Schilling teases us with this: "Season
2 is going to be even richer than the last one:'
OITNB has hurled Schilling into the limelight like never before.
She was nominated for a Golden Globe alongside acting heavy-
~~,r
STHE
TRUTH
THATS
GONNA
MAKE
YOU
HER
BITCH."
"The first time I took my clothes off I was quite scared;' says
Taylor Schilling, the magnetic 29-year-old who nailed leading
lady Piper Chapman. "But it was what the story called for. It was
52
CURVE
JUNE 2014
weight Robin Wright. A House of Cards fan, Schilling says, "It was
surreal. So amazing. I just respect her so much, so it was really fun
to have that experience:' Similarly, being directed by Jodie Foster
(who is back for season two!) was "really, really special. I had an
incredible time with her:' Before the meteoric success of OITNB,
Schilling was seen in the films Argo and The Lucky One.
Was she shocked when she read the last scene of season oner
"No. By the time we got to that part in the story, it made sense to
me:' As she undergoes the slow belljar suffocation of prison life,
does Piper even recognize herself at this point? "I think, in a way,
she's more herself than she's ever been:'
Schilling thinks that she and Piper share "a resiliency:' Has she
ever been in a situation like Piper's, where her life has needed a
sharp 360~degree turn to move forward? "Thankfully, yeah ...
[when] it can't be done the way it was done in the past, you have
to look at your life with fresh eyes. Those moments, I think, are
precious. Those moments are when life truly happens:'
ABUTCH,
HER
DOG,
AND
ASCREWDRIVER.
Jenji Kohan couldn't find a role for Lea DeLaria in Orange Is The
New Black, so she wrote one."I am Big Boo!" DeLaria says. The jazz
musician was also the first openly gay comic to "break the late~night
talk show barrier" by declaring, 'Tm a biiig dyke!" on The Arsenio
Hall Show in 1993. Big Boo is a resplendent three~dimensional
butch. "I think that's a first for TV. I can't think of any positive
butch portrayals done by any television show ... That's what is re~
ally great-there are a million firsts in our show:' Radically, it is the
first~ever women~in~prison narrative to have a transgender woman
played by a real transgender woman. And an African American at
JUNE
2014
CURVE
53
they're coming to see me. But in the street, in bars?44? That was
just me being an asshole. It's Jason Biggs-he encourages me to
be an asshole. But it's definitely in that vicinity:' And for whatev~
er reason-perhaps
that it's so bracing to see women of all ages,
sizes, races, and sexual orientations on the same show-a
lot
of the women chasing her with screwdrivers are straight. 'Tm
particularly thrilled when it's straight girls.
"You want to know what's really different about OITNB?"
DeLaria asks. It's "a project with so many women, so many im~
portant roles, so many of them lesbians. And when you've been
in the business as long as I've been in the business, business is
run by men:'
DeLaria even met her girlfriend, Chelsea Fairless, through
Orange."Emma Myles introduced us:' (Myles plays Pennsatucky's
demure sidekick, Leanne, all meth~stained teeth.) With the dash~
''Ohc'mon!
TheL Word
wasn't
real.
..being
real-authentic-is
veryimportant
toourshow
...
Wearethose
people."
that."Yeah, Laverne [Cox] is the shit:'
It's not quite The L Word, is it? "Oh c'mon! The L Word wasn't
reaL.being real- authentic-is
very important to our show.
That's why you have people like me and Laverne playing the roles:
We are those people:'
DeLaria has been arrested several times. Before she fesses up, I've
already guessed her crime."If you get to my age [55] and have been
politically active for as long as I have, and have not been arrested
at least a couple of times [for protesting], there's something wrong
with you!"
Now, I'd be lax if I didn't mention Big Boo's moment of glory.
We'll never look at screwdrivers in quite the same way again.
DeLaria breaks into a roaring laugh. "I've said I have signed
44 screwdrivers. I'm gonna say it's close to that, because in the
beginning it was nonstop. At my shows, I get it-they
know
54
CURVE
JUNE 2014
ing seduction of the quintessential butch, DeLaria convinced
Fairless that she was wrong: that there are, in fact, still butches in
the world. Testament to this is DeLaria's tattoo."BUTCH"blazes
right down the length of her arm.
What would DeLaria like to see happen for Big Boo? "I
would like Big Boo not to die, and to never be released from
prison:' It's just too much fun. There are so many bloopers with
her lab, Little Boo-"She's just a puppy!" But, "I wish you guys
could see the outtakes of what Crazy Eyes did when she was on
top of me, after I did the big sex dance show. What they didn't
put in was her pantomiming a Dirty Sanchez and a Cleveland
Steamer:' (Um, for the unacquainted, those are sexual fetishes
involving feces.) "It was unbelievable:'
Yep, unbelievable is right. The whole whirling OITNB vortex is
enough to make any lesbian want a drink. Screwdriver, anyone? •
LOVEISALLYOUNEED
Jenny and Julia Sundari share the romance of a lifetime.
BY RACHEL SHATTO
T
wo people see each
other, have an instant
connection, fall madly
in love, then outside
forces tear them apart-only
to be drawn by even greater
force back into each other's
arms to live happily ever.
Sounds like a fairy tale, right?
Well sometimes, it seems,
fairy tales do come true, as
Jenny and Julia Sundari, a
couple from Boston, know
from personal experience.
They caught Curve's eye
when a photo of the couple
kissing in the rain went viral.
We just had to know who
they were, how they found
one another, and the story
they shared.
How did you first meet?
Jenny:Julia and I first met in eighth grade.
I remember thinking how beautiful and
happy she was. She was always smiling
and had this great laugh. I just knew I
liked being around her. In ninth grade
we were inseparable. We were totally in
love all throughout high school and kept
it a secret because we knew no one would
understand at that time. And both our
families would think it was wrong. At one
point, Julia's family found out and tried to
keep us apart. High school was tragic for
us because we were so in love yet felt we
could not be together. We graduated from
high school with broken hearts knowing
we would not see one another again.
Julia:Jenny was my first kiss and my first
true love.
Jenny:Many, many years later I found Julia
on Facebook. I was married with kids and
always wondered about her. She was also
married with kids. I was very unhappy
56
CURVE
JUNE
2014
and just unfulfilled in my marriage. At
that point I was just hoping to be her
friend and reconnect. However, that all
changed when we began emailing one
another. We still had this great connec~
tion. And when I saw her again for the
first time in 18 years I was still attracted
to her ... I was blown away at how much I
was drawn to her.
Julia:When Jenny found me after all of
those years I felt like, Finally! I was so
drawn to her and thankful to have her
back in my life in any way. It was clear very
quickly that we would not be able to just
remain friends.
Was it love at first sight?
Jenny:When I saw her again after 18
years, yes! Yes!
Julia:It was 100 percent love at first sight
and each time I see her after being away,
even for a few hours, I feel that same pull
to Jenny. Like no other person on earth.
When did you know that she was
"the one"?
Jenny:I think I knew when we were email~
ing one another. I just knew there was an
unfinished relationship that was never
allowed to be because of the time in our
lives we were in high school. And we have
this amazing connection. Everyone sees
it-we just were meant to be together.
Julia:As soon as I heard her voice on the
telephone, after missing her for 20 years, I
was a goner. I see myself at my 100th
birthday party with her and all of our kids
and grandbabies.
When did you get married?
Julia:March 23, 2013 on Cape Cod, Mass.
But before then, just the two of us had a
romantic legal ceremony on the bridge in
Boston Common in December 2012.
Julia:Our legal ceremony was perfectly ro~
mantic, and all about our journey to one
another. It was in the pouring rain under
an umbrella, and I am so happy we shared
that moment. Our family wedding was
a big bash for family and friends, a great
ceremony with each daughter included,
then a great dance party and ceremony to
blend our family into one. Our daughters
danced all night and think it was the best
celebration ever.
Tell us about your family.
Jenny:Our family is a big one. Together
we have four healthy happy daughters. Our
friends and family call us the "Girl Gang":
Jenny and I, Sage 15, Ava and Fiona 8,
and Jura 5. We even have a female dog
named Lola. Our home is full of song,
and creativity, dress up, and even chaos at
times. It's a real family, and we have real
challenges, but we embark on this journey
together armed with love.
How did the photo of the two of
you in the rain come about?
Julia:Two of our high school friends gave
us a beautiful photo shoot as our relation~
ship was rekindled. I know how much
Jenny loves the rain, so I suggested we head
outside and try for a shot with that special
umbrella we got on a trip together. Tess [the
photographer] had the idea, and had just
given us that sign, feeling it was appropri~
ate to our love story. It was the last shot of
the day and she nailed it. It's such a great
image of our triumph to be together in
this lifetime. I love it.
What advice do you have for couples thinking of getting married
and starting a family?
Jenny:As Julia's dad put it: "Make sure
that is the person you wish to wake up to
every day, for the rest of your life:' Given
our bumpy road to one another, we
would advise living true to your heart,
and ignore other people's opinions about
what they think is best for you. Surround
your marriage and family with loving
supportive people to fortify your bond
and children.
Julia: We both feel tremendous joy in
finding one another again, and all the
struggle we have endured to be together
has been worth it. Love rules. •
THERE
IS ONLYONE
--.IN
HAPPINESS
LIFE
TO LOVE
ANDTOBE
LOVED-
IN HERSIGHTS
''I
A photographer gives Russian lesbians a new platform.
BY MELANIE BARKER
grew up with a very
limited view of what
a queer woman was,"
says Toronto-based
photographer Kristy
Boyce, who cites k.d. lang
as her first "lesbian imagery."
Boyce, who studied photojournalism at college and
interned with the Canadian
Department of Defence, has
worked and lived in different
countries including Africa.
She was inspired to start the photo
project What Dyke Looks Like not long
after she walked into the world's oldest
LGBT bookstore, Glad Day. "I looked at
the covers of their queer coffee table books.
Twelve sets of abs looked back. They did
find me one lesbian photo book that was
not hardcover, printed independently and
well over 20 years old:'
Boyce realized that culture is created by
the people in it and if she wanted to see
more lesbian imagery she would have to
make it hersel£ She wanted to show queer
women in positions of joy and power,
"exactly where they want to be, living their
lives as they want to live them, and not
apologizing for any of it:' The result was
58
CURVE
JUNE
2014
What Dyke Looks Like.
In protest of the anti~LGBT legislation
of Russia's president Putin, Boyce shot 35
portraits and video interviews. "One woman
in St. Petersburg called in sick to work
for two weeks to help organize shoots,
translate and teach me how to buy milk.
The LGBT people I photographed were
amazing and seemed to really think the
project was important and that the work
mattered. The people that didn't agree to
participate did so quite literally out of fear.
More men than women were afraid to par~
ticipate, which was surprising at first but
not when you think about who bears the
brunt of most gay bashings:'
Boyce encountered one "dicey" situation
where a Russian TV journalist wanted to
shoot an interview with her. "I met her
in a public place and something was just
off about her. Plus she said she was gay
but I didn't buy it somehow. Neither did
Masha, my new Russian bestie. We spoke
with the head of St. Petersburg's gay and
lesbian organization, Coming Out, and
she told us that news channels will do
an interview with LGBT people, then a
few minutes after the interview is done, a
group of homophobes will show up. Not
to mention, the interviews are edited to
make the activists look terrible, stupid or
like they agree with the new laws:'
So far, the What Dyke Looks Like pro}
ect has been featured on LGBT websites
and in magazines and Boyce hopes the
Russian portraits will be exhibited during
Toronto World Pride. 'Tm also building
out an interactive e~book where you can
flip though photos and watch videos of the
Russian participants share what life is like
for them in their own words:'
Boyce would also like to see an actual
hardcover coffee table book for our com~
munity. "Think Annie Liebovitz's Women;'
she says. "If I can fund it, I want to contin~
ue to expand internationally before I call
the project complete. The plan is to pho~
tograph women in countries that have no
or limited LGBT rights and/ or countries
that are getting worse. Uganda and India
are definitely in my sights:'•
Get Involved
w atdykelooksl1l<eco
ICEQUEEN
Why out Olympian Caitlin Cahow is hanging
up her skates.
BY LYNDSEY D'ARCANGELO
aitlin Cahow played
for Harvard University and the U.S.
women's national
ice hockey team in
the 2006 and 2010 winter
Olympics. However, her most
recent achievement was
serving as an openly gay U.S.
delegate for the Olympic
Games-Sochi 2014 this past
winter. Cahow shares her
experience in Sochi and why
she retired from hockey.
C
Describe playing on the U.S.
women's national team.
In 2006, I was a fresh-faced kid on the
team just starting college. And I was playing with women who, you know, were
mothers. They were all adults and they
knew what they were doing, in my eyes. So
I tried to soak it all in as much as I could
and learn from example. In 2010, I had a
much bigger role on the team. Vancouver
was so important for the game of women's
hockey. It was a turning point for the
world to really see what our game is like.
And I'm hoping that the media coverage
from Sochi will help push the needle forward even more.
What was it like to be at Sochi,
Russia as a delegate?
You still have that same understanding that you are there representing your
country. And for me it was so much more
specific this time because the president
had asked me to represent my country.
So there was a certain amount of weight
there. I was also able to really enjoy and
take in the Olympic experience, which is
something I didn't really feel I had the luxury to do as an athlete because I was so
focused on playing.
Why did you decide to
openly discuss your sexuality ahead of the 2014
Olympic Games?
You know, I never hid it and I
have done advocacy work on a
smaller level. So it wasn't as if
I was avoiding the media questions about it. As far as women's
hockey-we
have a very large
gay fan base and we don't recognize that enough. For me, being
open was the best possible way
to do that.
What did you feel that you
could contribute as an
openly gay delegate?
This was by far the most noteworthy presidential delegation to anything in recent
memory. So number one, there's media
coverage and accessibility. We answered everything that came our way. Putting the dialogue out there [in the face of controversy]
is exactly what we were trying to do-make
universal human rights, not just LGBT
rights, the focal point of what the Olympic movement actually stands for.
You retired from hockey due to a
series of concussions. Was it
hard to walk away?
As
someone
who
1s perfectly
capable of still playing, and who could
have played in the Sochi Olympic
Games, it was incredibly difficult to
walk away from the sport. But just coming back and being a functional adult,
and be able to appreciate my life was
such a significant accomplishment for
me that the best decision for me was to
walk away. I am a living example of how to
close one door and walk through another,
even if it's scary.
CAITLIN CAHOW AT CW3PR'S ANNUAL "GOLD
MEETS GOLDEN" GLOBES EVENT, BEVERLY HILTON
/ PHOTO COURTESY CW3PR
You're only 28 years old. What's went to law school at Boston College
next for you?
while competing on the national team.
I felt sorry for myself for a hot second. But Right now, I'm on a different track and
I've had some great opportunities-I
was jumping two feet into a new life and a
a hockey player, I have a Harvard degree, I new profession. •
JUNE
2014
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59
No one refused us service, but we still had
to face down that moment of vulnerability
with every detail of the planning.
Most Empowering Day of My Life
MYLESBIAN
WEDDING
BY REBECCA HOLLIMAN
ne chilly December day in 2011,
my wife and I
were married in
a courthouse in
Washington,D.C.My sister
took pictures and Kate(my
close friend since we built
a Hogwarts castle together
in the third grade) was our
witness.We said the words,
exchanged the rings,and
signed the paper that promised we would stick out a
life together.
0
The District of Columbia considered us
married. The rest of the world had trouble
seeing us this way, because we never gave
them the chance. Though a quiet courthouse wedding is legitimate, and can be
romantic, a big wedding-where you gather
your community and announce your
love-is a different experience. So, a year
and a half later, we threw ourselves a big
wedding in our home state of California.
We had the white dresses, a romantic
venue, and nearly 100 guests. It was scary
as hell to put ourselves out there but our
courage was rewarded tenfold by the love
60
CURVE
JUNE
2014
and support that flowed from our community.
Fear of Rejection
When the invitations went out, I was nervous. I was very aware that my wife and I
represent a lifestyle that is not acceptable
to some of our family. It is one thing to
ask for tolerance, but actually having a
traditional wedding seemed like it might
be pushing that tolerance too far. But
by isolating ourselves from possible rejection we were also isolating ourselves
from other peoples' approval. Some relatives politely declined our invitation, but
the vast majority were delighted that we
were finally letting them celebrate with
us. Some family members even attended
despite their personal objections-and
came to me in tears the next day, saying
that the wedding moved them to rethink
their earlier beliefs.
Coming Out ...Again and Again
One of the scariest things about hosting
this kind of a wedding was having to come
out so many times. Potential vendors
assumed that the cute woman at my side
was my maid of honor, not the second
bride. Consequently, every time we interviewed a new vendor, we had to repeat an
awkward conversation: "No, this is a lesbian
wedding. Do you do lesbian weddings?"
I did not realize how much it would mean
to me to have my loved ones publicly affirm
my marriage. Watching the lengths to
which people went to give us a special day,
and listening to their expressions of love
and support, helped me realize that I am
not a source of quiet embarrassment to my
family, but that they are proud of me and
of my wife, and they are thrilled that we
have found each other.
Books for Brides
The Lesbian Couple's Guide to Wedding
Planning by Bernadette Coveney Smith
will get you started. It contains good advice about how to navigate the challenges
ahead and how to conquer the stigma
of a lesbian wedding. The Transgender
Tips are a unique feature of this book.
The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian
Weddings by Tess Ayers and Paul Brown
offers 272 pages of wedding planning
advice and takes you through every detail
of engagement, wedding, and "ever after;'
and will be your best friend if you plan
to skip having an actual wedding planner.
7 Helpful Wedding Hints:
} Come out to vendors early.
} Asking your parents to get involved in
the planning may help them to accept
the idea of a lesbian wedding.
} Forget traditional gender roles: "Bridesmaids" can wear pantsuits and "groomsmen" can wear dresses.
} Invite family members who don't support lesbian weddings-your
wedding
may change some of their minds. Mine
did!
} It is your wedding: Do what makes
the two of you happy.
} Start an open discussion with your
guests: In our wedding program we included answers to common questions
about lesbian weddings.
} Wear what fits your style: According
to The Lesbian Couple'sGuide to Wedding Planning, 46 percent of lesbian
weddings have one dress, one suit; 42
percent have two dresses; and 12 percent have two suits. •
PRIDEA
Fi\MILYi\F~Fi\IR
Orlando's Outfest is an unforgettable week of fun,
sun, adventure and Pride.
BY WILLIAM NORTHUP
J
une may be the traditional month for Pride
events, but since you
can never have too
much of a good thing,
the Orlando area is going
to keep Pride going strong
into July with the kid-friendly
Family Outfest, July 1-7.This
week-long series of events
will bring LGBT families from
around the world together
for a tour of several of
Orlando's world famous
theme parks-and it ends
with a pool party at the local
Nickelodeon Suites Resort.
Many venues in the area, particularly
Disney, have a long history of encouraging
LGBT visitors, but the Family Outfest is
something new. At its various Orlando~
region parks, Disney has "never specifically
hosted LGBT events on their property;'
explains Family Outfest director Gabrielle
Shulruff. The famous Gay Days are more
tolerated by Disney than supported or
encouraged. This new series of events is
designed to add on to the already inclu~
sive culture in many resorts, by creating
events that aren't just tolerated but spe~
cifically created for LGBT families and
their children.
In addition to a warm and welcoming
atmosphere, Family Outfest promises to
be an unforgettable week of fun, sun and
adventure. The week opens with a Wel~
come Reception & Cocktail event-a
great place to meet other Family Outfest
families and make new friends. After that,
it's six days of non~stop amusement with
Disney's Animal Kingdom, Universal
Islands of Adventure, Fun Spot America,
Epcot, Disney's Magic Kingdom Park,
and more. There are also some grown~
ups only events like bowling at the Par~
ent's Night Out. And while the parents
are having fun the kids are safely at Nick
After Dark, an event full of games, activi~
ties and entertainment.
While you can't put a price on precious
memories, you can put a price tag on a
vacation and fortunately Family Outfest is
relatively wallet~friendly as well-visitors
save up to 50 percent on their stay at the
host hotel!
Gay Days began as something of a rad~
ical protest for us to be included in family~
friendly spaces. Now, Family Outfest
improves on that tradition by making it all
about our families. And with the efforts of
Converge Orlando Inc., the LGBT Con~
vention and Visitors Bureau for Central
Florida, Family Outfest is set to become
an annual event-and
that could truly
make Orlando the happiest place on earth.
(orlandogaytravel.com)
•
JUNE
2014
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61
space or political activism. But for others,
marriage wasn't a goal and blending in was
never something they wanted.
A more complicated change appears
to be happening at a generational level.
For some people, many of whom are un~
der 40, there's been a shift toward queer
identities and politics that are born of a
belief that gender and sexuality operate
on a spectrum that doesn't necessarily fit
into male/female or straight/ gay /bi par~
adigms. Others, still, prefer and believe
in the need to create spaces that are more
inclusive. Race, class, and ability can also
play a big role for many people in choosing
when and where to gather, both for those
who identify as lesbian and those who
identify otherwise.
Queer sensibilities and inclusive com~
munities seem to have extended out from
the activism of people fighting misogyny,
homophobia, and racism in the 1960s,
'70s, and '80s, including lesbians like Audre
Lorde, Gloria Anzaldua, and Adrienne
Rich, among countless others individuals
and collectives.
At the same time many others are still
drawn to and feel a strong need for spe~
cifically lesbian spaces. A number of sep~
aratist communities or "wimmin's lands"
remain in the U.S., and beyond separat~
ism, I've spoken with lesbians from their
20s into their 70s who worry that inclu~
sion often just ends up meaning that men,
particularly white men, end up in charge
or doing most of the talking.
So what spaces are there left for lesbians
and queer women:' What new spaces are
being created:' And are there ways to re~
solve some of the tensions between those
who feel that their history and culture is
being erased yet again and those who feel
they are following in the footsteps of the
lesbians who came before them by con~
tinuing to push boundaries around gender
and sexuality:'
These are some of the questions I'll
be looking at in a documentary project I
began shooting earlier this year titled The
Unknown Play Project. For the documen~
tary I'll be traveling with a small crew to a
handful of different cities across the U.S.
to create portraits of some of the spaces
that remain and also some that have just
begun. To learn more about the project
and where lesbian community exists today,
visit unknownplayproject.org and please
support the project if you can. •
THEVANISHING
Why are lesbian spaces disappearing?
BY ALEXIS CLEMENTS
n the past two years alone, many cities have seen their
last or only lesbian bar close up shop forever. If you
can believe it, London, England, only had one, Candy
Bar,and it closed late last year. At the end of last summer, Philadelphia lost its well-known, multi-floor bar,
Sisters, after losing the less well-known Roy's Comfort Zone
the year previous. And early this year it was announced that
The Palms, the nearly 50-year-old bar in West Hollywood,
was closing. More last call stories stretch from Portland,
Oregon, to Houston, to Chicago. And yet, Oklahoma City
keeps two lesbian bars up and running.
I
--~"----'
Why is it that
so many bars are
closing, while a
few have managed
to hang on:' And
what is the future
of other spaces where lesbians have fre~
quendy flocked, like feminist bookstores,
art galleries, music festivals, women's
colleges, and long~standing institutions
like the Lesbian Herstory Archives or the
WOW Cafe Theater:'
62
CURVE
JUNE
2014
There aren't clear~cut or easy answers to
the question of why so many spaces are
changing or closing. Part of it is definite~
ly economic, as it was for the nearly 90
feminist bookstores in the U.S. that have
closed in the past 20 years. In part it re~
lates to political changes. As legislation
gradually shifts to reduce LGBT discrim~
ination around things like marriage or
employment, it may be that many now
feel more integrated into the larger culture
and don't see as much need for separate
•
•
HINGISPOSSIBLE
America's fourth-largest city has a lesbian at the helm.
BY FIONA DAWSON
eing a big-city mayor is the best political job in
America," says Annise Parker-and as the mayor of
Houston, she should knowl Today, Parker is proud
to promote the city she runs as one of the most
affordable in America, combining a high quality of
life and a low cost of living. But she admits that as a young
girl she was not interested in politics, and grew up painfully shy. So how did it happen that this country girl from
rural Texas found the courage to come out as a lesbian
when she was still a teenager, and ended up leading the
fourth-largest city in the United States? The day after her
third and final consecutive re-election to office, I sat down
with Parker in City Hall to find out.
B
"When I was a little girl, I was the kid
who could not speak in class but hid behind
her mom. I literally decided as a high school
student that I needed to get over my social
shyness in order to have any hope of having a
career path in the future, and so I consciously
and deliberately set about putting myself in
positions where I had to learn how to speak
to people:'
In 1971, when Parker was 15, her family
moved from Texas to Germany, and there
she volunteered as a Red Cross candy striper.
"What was that like:"'I ask. "It was misera~
ble;' she laughs. "I was expected to volunteer.
My parents and grandparents really were
JUNE
2014
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63
committed volunteers through the church
and community organizations. I actually
took the candy striper position specifically.
I've learned how to pretend I'm not an
introvert by putting myself in positions
where I just had to sink or swim, including
my candy striper position. I was the adult
in charge, so headed up the group. This
meant I had to do all the scheduling-talk
to the different clinics, to the doctors, and
schedule the volunteers. I wasn't very good
at it, but it forced me to engage and talk
to people:'
Parker has consistently pushed herself
from then on. "I was not great but I was
an athlete, and I did track in high school,
I played varsity softball when I was in
college, so sports certainly helped. I also
continued my pattern of finding jobs as a
college student that forced me out of my
comfort zone. And what I have discovered
now, as an adult, is that each time I've had
a really big step forward in my career, it's
because I just went for it. I stepped out
into clear air. A bird learns how to fly by
first standing on the edge of the nest and
flapping their wings. But at some point
they have to step out into clear air and
hope that it works before they hit the
ground. I think a lot of us will never take
64
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2014
that big leap of faith. But it's made all the
difference in my life:'
It was facing her fears, and the depths
of her own misery, that forced Parker
to bounce back. She acknowledges that
coming out as gay in the 1960s, with no
one to talk to, led to some self-destructive
behaviors. Today, Parker emphasizes the
importance of mentorship and being a
role model. "It's important for successful adult women in particular to talk to
young girls. You know, there are so many
high-achieving women who were once
anorexic or bulimic, or who were cutters
or did various self destructive activities. I
was seeing myself heading a certain way
and I gave myself a lifeline:'
In college, Parker threw herself into
student leadership activities, became a
public speaker representing the LGBT
community, and supported local political
candidates as a volunteer, without intending to run for office hersel£ After 20
years of work in the oil and gas industry,
Parker discovered that with all the issues
she really cared about she could "make a
bigger difference by being in office:' She
lost her first two races but finally won
on her third attempt, in 1997, becoming
Houston's first openly gay elected official,
and she hasn't looked back
since. Following six years as
a member of the city council
and six years as the city controller, Parker ran for mayor
in 2009. It was a highly competitive race, reflective of the
diversity of the city-with
two strong Democratic men
(an African American and
an affiuent Caucasian) and
one male Hispanic Republican running against her.
Parker won in a run-off.
How did Houston, Texas, elect a lesbian mayor
four years before Christine
Quinn's attempt failed in
New York City? Parker explains, "There is still a glass
ceiling for women in CEO
positions. We are judged
more harshly than men, and
we are harder on ourselves
to put ourselves in that position. One of my benefits
was that I had been elected multiple times, as has
Quinn-but
all my elections were citywide, and Quinn had represented a district,
but when she jumped into the mayor's race
she was the automatic front-runner, and
had a huge target painted on her. I was the
dark horse candidate ... I've benefited from
everybody believing that there was no way
I could win. It allowed me to run my own
campaign. While I was always considered
a serious, competitive candidate, there's a
difference in the way you are viewed:'
Parker will term out in 2015, having
served as mayor for six years, and it's hard
to imagine what's next on her agenda. ''As
mayor, I'm the CEO of a 5 billion dollar
corporation with 21,000 employees. I'm
not interested in being a member of Congress ... I want to run something. I'd like
the opportunity to serve the state of Texas,
but the right opportunity has to come
along. It's not just about being in politics. I
still don't like politics. It has to be an office
that interests me:'
I asked Parker, who pushed herself to
overcome her self-effacing childhood,
what would she tell her 6-year-old self. "I
would say what I said at my inauguration
four years ago, when I became mayor of
Houston;' she replied. ''And that is that the
pain is worth the reward:' •
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'B' Word
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Presents
Oh, what
a circus!
YES,MRS.PRESIDENT
Sarah Kate Ellis brings lesbian leadership to GLAAD.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
arah Kate Ellis likes the vibrant pink wall in her corner
office. She inherited it, but somehow it complements her and sets the right tone: bright, feminine,
assertive. Tm still getting my sea legs," she notes
during our interview, even though since last fall,
when she started at GLAAD as its president and CEO, she
has had to hit the ground running, dealing with challenges
such as the explosion of social media, the Sochi Olympics,
Arizona's anti-LGBT bill, boycotts surrounding the New York
St. Patrick's Day parade, and an attempt by the Catholic
League to march in the New York City Pride parade. Add to
these the "backroom conversations where we're trying to
work with producers and executives to straighten some
situations out that are continually happening" and you have
a full day at the office. "I would go back home every night
and say, 'You just can't believe what happened at work today,
you just can't believe it. You can't even call it work-it's life.' "
S
Ellis, who has had a stellar career as a
media executive for Real Simple, InStyle,
and Vogue, was marching in last year's
New York Pride parade when she learned
that GLAAD, our media advocacy orga~
nization, lacked a full~time president. Her
appointment is welcome news to lesbians,
who realize all too well that our NGOs are
often manned, quite literally, by men. Will
she bring a lesbian voice to the organiza~
tion that shapes the public narratives of
the LGBT community?
''Absolutely;' asserts Ellis in a tone as
bright as the color of her office wall. "No
one lives in a vacuum. I would say to the
lesbian community: Please come join me,
I'm here. GLAAD is the voice of equality
and I want those women's voices included
and heard:'
Over the next six to nine months, she
will start initiatives that are focused on
bringing the lesbian community into the
fold. "There are so many strong, powerful
lesbians who are leading media organiza~
tions, who I think should have a signifi~
cant voice in what we're doing;' she says. "I
think that not having them in this mix is
a loss for the movement and a loss for the
LGBT community:'
Ellis describes herself as "somebody
who has ambition and drive, and is excited
66
CURVE
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2014
by seeing the fruits of her labor and seeing
what can be achieved:' While each work~
day for the married mother of two 5~year~
olds (Ellis's wife, Kristen Henderson, is
the lead guitarist for the band Antigone
Rising) has been rewarding and challeng~
ing, one of the biggest surprises has been
how much work there is to do. "There is
this perception [of] pack up your tents
and move back to your homes, the war's
won. It's enlightening to find out how
much distance we still have to go:'
While Ellis has high praise for her staff,
who "were able to get me up to speed, [and]
worked around the clock to do it;' she is
also keen to lead by example: "I believe in
authentic leadership. I believe you only do
your best work when you bring your whole
self to the office;' she says. "Once I decided
to start a family, I realized that this life I
was living was not my own anymore. I
was setting the example for my kids. If I
wasn't open and honest, how could I expect
them to be? [Coming out] wasn't an easy
decision, but once I made it I was, like,
'Let's write a book, let's kiss on the cover
of a magazine!'"
The book was Times Two: Two Women
in Love and the Happy Family They Made.
The magazine was Time, when it predicted
the repeal ofDOMA."That was surreal, it
still is;' she says of the cover, which depicted
her and Henderson kissing passionately.
"We thought we were just going in for an
interview. We weren't fully aware it was
going to turn into the cover. Once we got
to the shoot and they said, 'Would you be
comfortable kissing?' I thought, 'Really?'
And then I turned to my wife and said,
'Were married ... "'
When Ellis saw photos of the other
potential cover models, her competitive
instincts kicked in and she told her wife,
"Kris, we can win this, you just have to
kiss me like you love me:' She laughs. "It
was terrifying and exhilarating and free~
ing. I was concerned about backlash. I very
much think about the safety of my family
as well. I have to say, there are other things
that I've done where I've been more threat~
ened than that Time magazine cover:'
While Ellis is protective of her children
she includes them in her work, often men~
tioning them in press releases. 'Tm very
clear with them that I'm doing something
that's really important to our country and
our lives. At 5 they have as much under~
standing around that as they possibly can.
The other day I said to my daughter,'Honey, I
think you could be the first woman pres~
ident: And she looked at me and said,
'Mommy, you are the president:"•
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Curve recently put a call out to
you to send us photos of your
furry, feathered and scaled family
members-and the response was
overwhelming. Overnight our
inboxes with filled to bursting with
squee-inducing emails. There were
dogs and cats of every breed, rats,
birds, bunnies, a sugar glider and
even a duo of monkeys! It was
clear that when it comes to our
chosen families, our critter companions are every bit as important
as the partners and friends we
choose to populate our lives with.
Here are some of our favorites, as
space allows. For even more pet
Pride go to curvemag.com.
S
ometimes a vacation is just a vacation. But sometimes it's a
chance to connect and to contemplate your place in the universe. It's a chance to be moved to engender change, to make
a difference. That's what happened when I ventured out on Olivia
Travel's Leadership and Equality Cruise, Feb.1-8, 2014.
The cruise took us across the Caribbean Sea, with stops at
Grand Turk, San Juan, St. Thomas, and Holland America's private Bahamian island, Half Moon Cay. Each stop was filled with
every possible kind of excursion, from zip-lining to snorkeling
to city tours to kayaking. Each stop was more gorgeous than the
next. But more than that, it was just incredibly empowering to be
out and loud and proud, with everyone around you supporting
your commitment to live authentically.
And because this was more than just a cruise, but a leadership
and equality conference as well, it featured an all-star array of special guests and speakers, including writer, poet, and activist Maya
Angelou; civil rights pioneer Edie Windsor; chair of the Democratic National Committee, Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz; president of Elizabeth Birch Company/Global Out, Elizabeth Birch;
and executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights,
Kate Kendall.
The cruise was also jam-packed with entertainment: Grammy
winners and political activists the Indigo Girls; actress Meredith
Baxter; comedians Gina Yashere, Linda Williams, and Vicki Shaw;
and the band Antigone Rising. My head was reeling from the moment we got on board.
The ship itsel£ Holland America's Westerdam, was gorgeous.
The theme nights, including White Night, Show Your Roots
(hometown pride), Sheros (female heroes), and Formal Night were
great fun. The dance floor, whether on the deck or at "Club O" in
the crow's nest of the ship, was always packed. The pool games, bingo,
the late-night dessert buffet, all of it was amazing. But it was the
panels and speakers that made this cruise so powerful and unique.
Maya Angelou was scheduled to be our keynote speaker, but a
70
CURVE
JUNE
2014
few days before embarkation, her doctor deemed her unfit to travel.
Olivia jumped into action and confirmed that she would appear via
satellite instead. It wasn't the same, but it sure was better than not
getting to see her at all.
"Welcome, my sisters, my daughters, my friends;' she began. It
was clear that she wasn't 100 percent, but she thrilled and delighted
us all, nonetheless. She called the ladies of Olivia "rainbows in the
clouds;' and sang to us: "When it look like the sun ain't gonna shine
any more, God put a rainbow in the clouds:'
She was gentle and strong and sweet. I couldn't help but cry
through most of it. I was an English major in college, with a focus
on black women's literature, and hearing her speak felt a lot like
coming home.
"Olivia is a rainbow in the clouds. In the worst of times, there is
a possibility of seeing light;' she told us again.
Angelou's presentation was like a glorious piece of performance
art-song and poetry, recitation and smart quips, and moments
of pure inspiration: "I never trust people who don't laugh:"'! am a
human being. Nothing human can be alien to me:' And, "Without
courage, you cannot be anything else consistently:' Toward the end
of her time with us, she had to be connected to her oxygen tank. "I
am a patient of COPD, so I need more oxygen than I can get. I have
to put this on. Please don't be alarmed;' she said."You are developing;'
she told us. "Thank you for being rainbows in the clouds:'
It was a powerful start to what turned out to be an incredibly
powerful and empowering week.
The first panel of the week was called ''Activism in Action:
The Importance of Creating Your Own Future Through Political Participation" and featured Rep. Wasserman Schultz; Aditi
Hardikar, director of the LGBT Leadership Council at the Democratic National Committee; and Claire Lucas, a senior advisor
for Public-Private Partnerships at USAID. Judy Dlugacz, Olivia's
president and founder, was the moderator.
Rep. Wasserman Schultz kicked off the panel with a rousing
FEATURES/
speech. "Being a woman before the Affordable Care Act was a
pre-existing condition;' she joked. The packed theater could not get
enough of her message, which included this advice: "Run for office:'
She was reminding us that there is still too much at stake that really
matters for any of us to sit on the sidelines any longer. We can move
the agenda forward in the fight for equality by pulling up a seat at
the table.
The panel concluded with Dlugacz inviting everyone to participate in a lesbian round table with First Lady Michelle Obama.
Though the gathering cost $10,000 a seat, many hands shot up in
the air when sign-up forms were offered. "Get involved;' Dlugacz implored. ''And let's do it together as lesbians. Let's do it
together as women:'
Another major panel of the week was "Global
Equality: A Discussion of LGBT Equality in Developing Countries:' The powerhouse presenters included Marcela Sanchez, an LGBT
activist in Colombia and the director of
Colombia Diversa, as well as Elizabeth Birch and Claire Lucas.
But the panel that left me
reeling was "LGBT Equality in
the United States: What Have We
Achieved This Year and What Is Next:'
The session was moderated by Kate Kendall and included panelists Edie Windsor, Col.
Grethe Cammermeyer, Kris Perry, and Sandy
Stier.
"We always ask the question 'Who is being left behind?' and we will leave no one behind;' Kate Kendall began.
"In 30-plus states, you can still be fired for being LGBT:'
Col. Cammermeyer shared her story of being discharged from
the military for saying she was a lesbian and then suing the government over it-and winning. "It made me pissed that they were
going to kick me out for something irrelevant;' Cammermeyer said,
adding jokingly, "I felt very alone because I was the only gay person
in the military. It wasn't about us, personally. It was about all of
us, our collective story. It was about everyone's story that has gone
untold:'
Kris Perry and Sandy Stier shared their story of agreeing to be
plaintiffs in the historic Prop. 8 case in California. "It was an honor
and a privilege, and very difficult to go through this process. Every
civil rights struggle begins with the people directly affected, who are
then joined by the people who care about them. Then the unlikely
TRA
allies show up. Ted Olson was a really unlikely ally.We're on opposite sides of everything else. I asked Ted, 'Why are you taking this
on?' And he said, 'Because I think this will be the most important
case of my career; at which point I anointed him an honorary lesbian;' Perry said.
"If it had been you, you would have done this too;' Perry continued, referring to her decision to play a leading role in the case. "We
go through so much. We don't know when our day will come. And
this was ours, and we thank you:'
"The most astounding thing to me is the ripple effect that has
happened as a result;' Cammermeyer said in response to Perry
and Stier's story. "Because of what you did, I can do it also:'
Then came the amazing Edie Windsor, who challenged DOMA after she was slammed with a six-figure estate tax bill when her wife, Thea (whom she
married in Canada), passed away and left her
an inheritance.
Edie Windsor, a small woman, was
dressed in pink oxford cloth, sandals,
and fitted jeans accessorized with
pearls and a wide leather belt.
Her personality and devotion to
the cause are as enormous as she is
tiny. ''America knows about fairness.
They don't know about queers. They don't
know about us. But they know about justice:'
Kendall concluded by asking the panelists what
they think the secret is to their sustained love.
"Patience, patience, patience;' Perry said.
"Laugh, laugh, laugh;' Stier offered
"Don't postpone joy-and keep it hot;' Windsor added, saying that those were the two mantras Thea lived by.
I was changed that week, seeing myself as part of the wave of
change; seeing myself as part of an incredible whole; seeing myself
as someone who could make a difference, if I heeded the words
of the powerful women who spoke that week: Stand together. Get
involved. Elect people who don't just care about the issues-elect
people who live the issues.
Olivia is all about feeling free, which I certainly did. But on this
cruise in particular, I also felt inspired, empowered, moved, and,
more than anything, lucky to be a member of the lesbian community. We may still be fighting, but we are fighting strong. And after
everything I heard and experienced on this trip, I know we're closer
than ever to everything that is rightfully ours.•
JUNE 2014
CURVE
71
H
ot and cheap! Houston is a place to fall in love with-a
place to leave knowing you want to come back someday
and call it home.
Houston exemplifies diversity and female power. Many strong
women have led the way in the Lone Star State, but the most prom~
inent one today is the mayor of Houston, Annise Parker, who is
now in her third term and has been an out lesbian for her entire
political career. Houston, where Parker has won nine consecutive
city elections, is the fourth~largest city in the United States-and
the most diverse in the nation. Because of its strong
economy, its job market, and its youthful resi~
dents, Forbesmagazine has named Houston
the Coolest City in America.
On a recent trip to the Bayou City I
got to discover some of the best that
Houston has to offer and found that
the biggest challenge was not to
miss a thing! Contrary to what you
might think, when you think of
Texas, Houston has a strong, di~
verse, and connected LGBT com~
munity. The city has an inclusive
website for visitors (mygayhous~
ton.com) featuring not only what
72
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to do in Houston, but the individuals and organizations that shape
and influence the community. The geographical hub is Montrose,
just a couple of miles west of downtown. But this sprawling me~
tropolis does not box anyone in. Gone are the days when same~sex
couples had to hide their identity and their feelings for each other.
Houston became progressive a long time ago! While the venues I
suggest have the lesbian traveler in mind, just know that Housto~
nians welcome everyone, everywhere.
Not only is there a woman on top in Houston, but the food
ranks high as well! OK, the city is struggling to combat
alarmingly high obesity rates, but it's not hard to
imagine why.
The culinary delights are simply to die
for! Houston's food scene has explod~
ed. Mayor Parker herself proclaims,
"Weve always had a huge range of
different food styles and restau~
rants because were such a diverse
city, and every new immigrant
group brings its own cooking
styles and ingredients:' When it
comes to dining options here, you
are literally spoiled for choice.
If keeping it in the family is
FEATURES/
your preference, you can't go wrong lunching within the bright,
fresh, and vibrant esthetic of Coppa Osteria, led by executive chef
Brandi Key. At night, a lusty candlelit dinner at Monica Pope's
Sparrow Bar + Cookshop is a winner. Pope is Houston's Lesbian
Chef-in-Chic£ having made a name for herself on the national
culinary stage. For the best barbecue in Houston, hands down,
eat at Beaver's, where Pope's fun drinks and smoked meats-and
tofu-are devoured in an enticingly warm and friendly realm.
Having once called Houston home, I was somewhat mournful
to learn that the longest-running lesbian bar, Chances, had closed
its doors. However, an incredible renovation using reclaimed
materials from around the city has turned Chances into chef Chris
Shepherd's divine restaurant experience-Underbelly.
With his
firsthand experience of the eclectic cultures of Houston, Shepherd has crafted a menu that reflects all that the city has to offer.
The menu changes often based on what he can get his hands on.
Although vegetarians are welcome, the chef prides himself on his
butcher shop at the back, where he transforms his passion into
culinary delights for carnivores.
For an evening of romance, I highly recommend dining at
Triniti, named for the triple godhead of restaurant lore: the
savory, the sweet, and spirits. Triniti's che£ Ryan Hildebrand, has
marshaled an award-winning team and serves seasonal, locally
sourced, mouth-watering dishes. The artistic intentions of the
restaurant-casual,
contemporary, yet elegant-are
reflected in
every bite of the food.
You will discover that each neighborhood in Houston has a
beautiful personality of its own. Rent a car and explore this sprawling
TRA
city-you'll be pleasantly surprised by the lush green of the treelined streets, by the city's distinctive architectural styles, and by the
ease with which the traffic flows. Just don't get caught speeding!
Houston has not traditionally been a biking city, but massive
changes are taking place, thanks in large part to Laura Spanjian,
Mayor Parker's director of the Office of Sustainability. Using the
bike share program Houston B-Cycle, you can enjoy the beautiful
ride from downtown, along Buffalo Bayou and into "The Heights;'
to fuel up at Revival Market. This locally sourced grocery, butcher
shop, and charcuterie is packed with fresh, flavorful, local produce,
artisan conserves, and many authentic Texas wares that serve as
excellent treats to take home. Among the shelves of hearty foods,
nestle in at a cafe table and make an organic start to the day.
Hop back on your B-Cycle and pedal up Heights Boulevard,
taking in the historic homes and enjoying leafy canopy, until you
hit 19th Street, a funky shopping hot spot. Here, boutiques and
antique shops will whisk you into another place and time, potentially burning a hole in your pocket as you go.
Depending on how much of an ambitious biker you are, either
keep pedaling or switch to a car as you go through Montrose and
into the treasure trove of the Museum District. If you have the time,
check out all 19 museums (houstonmuseumdistrict.org) but my
top three are the Asia Society Texas Center, the Buffalo Soldiers
National Museum, and the Rothko Chapel. Again, reflective of the
incredible diversity of Houston, The Asia Society Texas Center is
second only to the Asia Society in New York City. This stunning
contemporary structure was designed by the Japanese architect
Yoshio Taniguchi, best known in the U.S. for his renovation and
JUNE
2014
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73
expansion of the Museum of Modern Art in NYC. The Buf
falo Soldiers National Museum, although modest in setting, takes
you back to a time when women were banned from serving in the
armed forces and African Americans were segregated from whites.
Learning the story of the trailblazing African American woman
Cathay Williams, who in 1866 enlisted in the United States Army
posing as a man and using the pseudonym William Cathay, will
inspire you to forge ahead as bravely as she once did. Words to
describe the Rothko Chapel are hard to find, because it is a place
for self reflection. Surrounded by the murals of the painter Mark
Rothko, you are in a sanctuary where mind, body, and soul can
escape the pace of the world.
If you crave cultural arts, an evening of theater, ballet, symphony,
or opera awaits you downtown. Houston has a Theater District
second only to that of NYC in its concentration of seats in one
geographic area. If you do go into the Theater District, grab a cocktail at the OKRA Charity Saloon. This bar not only has a terrific
atmosphere, but all its profits go to charities voted on by its customers. With each drink, you get a token that you place in a bucket to
support one of the four organizations competing each month. It's
super fun and very cool!
Although there is a dynamic bar scene, like many major cities
Houston has a limited choice of lesbian joints. But Pearl Bar,
owned by Julie Mabry, has picked up where Chances left off and
has taken the women's social community to a whole new level.
The dark, sultry, cavernous interior with worn sofas and armchairs is brilliantly balanced with a huge outdoor patio adorned
with lights, where locals gather for weekly steak nights, live bands,
and a resident DJ.
Another bar that comes highly recommended is the Houston
LGBT staple Guava Lamp, where the bartenders were recent
winners in the city's annual Gayest and Greatest survey. The most
popular night to hit Guava Lamp is Wednesday for karaoke,
where folks from every point on the rainbow spectrum come to
belt out a tune.
Two-stepping at a proper country watering hole is necessary to
make your visit to Houston complete, so kick your way to Neon
Boots Dancehall and Saloon! Back in the day, this venue was known
74
CURVE
JUNE
2014
as the Esquire Ballroom, and was home to Willie Nelson and Patsy
Cline. Today, as Neon Boots, it touts itself as "a more diverse kind
of country:' Although it is the largest LGBT country bar in Texas,
Neon Boots proudly welcomes and attracts a fully diverse crowd,
once again proving that Houston is home to everyone.
In and among this buzz of activity, knowing where to rest your
head at night is very important. If shopping is your thing, then the
Galleria area will be your haven, and there you will find plenty of
chain and boutique hotels. But I say give downtown a chance. The
very concept-historic
surroundings juxtaposed with modern
shops, eateries, and bars-is
appealing. Furthermore, having
Discovery Green, a 12-acre urban park, nearby means that you
are always just a gentle stroll away from a plethora of outdoor
activities. And on MetroRail, Houston's light rail line, the city center
is just minutes away from Reliant Stadium (very convenient during
rodeo season and major sporting events), making it easy for you to
experience firsthand the welcoming heart of this alluring city.
Within downtown, the historic and newly renovated Lancaster
Hotel is Houston's only small luxury hotel in the heart of the
Financial and Theater districts, and has been serving visitors
elegantly since 1920. The traditional furnishings are beautiful and
the staff exemplifies Southern hospitality.
On an even smaller scale, I had the good fortune to stay at La
Maison in Midtown, a new bed-and-breakfast where the owners,
Genora Boykins and Sharon Owens, are wonderful at making their
guests feel right at home. In fact, La Maison really does feel like a
Texas home, which helps you experience the city as a member of
the family rather than as a tourist. It's also a treat to have waffles
served to order, and to share friendly conversation with travelers
from all around the world.
And Houston can deliver that surprising international flair.
Angela Blanchard, president and CEO of Neighborhood Centers
Inc., the largest charitable organization in Texas, sums Houston
up best: "This city is not about visiting. It's about living. It is diverse,
affordable, and welcoming. In other words, have your fling with
New Orleans, San Francisco, Austin, New York City, and when
you get ready to make a life, come here and do what you do best.
We'll cheer for you when you succeed:' (visithouston.com) •
THIS UNDISCOVEREDCORNER OF NOVA SCOTIA, CANADA, PUTS
LESBIANTRAVELERSRIGHT AT HOME. I BYKELSYCHAUVIN
P
erched on the edge of the Atlantic Ocean just east of Main~,
Halifax feels like an undiscovered treasure. The Nova Scotia
capital's long maritime history is embedded in nearly every
corner of the city, along with its Acadian heritage-which long ago
wove French culture and language into the province's otherwise
British colonial history.
Today's Halifax creates its own fanfare, making it onto many a
hot-destination travel list thanks to its "uncharted" tourist appeal, its
lush terrain, and, of course, restaurants that will send seafood-lovers
into gastronomic ecstasy.
Queer travelers will find Halifax to be a welcoming city, one that
attracts visitors from around the world to its romantic waterfront,
historic downtown, and burgeoning hipster neighborhoods. (Bonus:
The now out-and-proud Ellen Page is from Halifax.)
But it's the annual 10-day Halifax Pride (halifaxpride.com) that
has come to define the city as a major hub of homo activity. Held
this year from July 17 to 27, Halifax's Pride Festival is the country's
fourth-largest, and locals are quick to note that it's the city's biggest
celebration. One local cabbie even surmised that the annual Pride
parade down Barrington Street draws more spectators than the
parade on Canada Day, the Canucks' Fourth of July.
It certainly feels big, considering that thousands of revelers come
out for a diverse series of rainbow-striped events. From talent shows,
tournaments, and sing-alongs, dance parties, cruises, and comedy,
to health and educational forums-the variety of both earnest and
playful programming at Halifax Pride will impress even the most
blase skeptics. The brightest and shiniest events are the Out Boating Evening Cruise through Halifax Harbour and the incredible
WetSpot closing-night dance party at Garrison Grounds, the city's
Central Park, where it feels like every lesbian within a thousand miles
has come to celebrate.
Speaking of lesbians, local gays theorize that the ladies way outnumber their gay brothers in Halifax. Judging strictly from Pride
gatherings, that notion feels spot-on-especially when you see scores
of women lined up around the block for parties at the Company
House (thecompanyhouse.ca) and Menz & Mollyz Bar (menzbar.
ca). Both of these hotspots are on Gottingen Street in the gay-centric
North End neighborhood.
JUNE
2014
CURVE
75
"I definitely think there's a huge gay scene here;' says Halifax native
Kristin MacKenzie, 25."We have an almost underground feel to our
culture. It's not like Toronto, where there's an entire gay district-it's
more like a hidden gem, with locals knowing about things that maybe
tourists wouldn't, unless they ask. But there's a little something for
everyone. Halifax is making a name for itsel£'
MacKenzie came out at age 17, her homosexuality an utter non-issue thanks in part to the fact that her 67 -year-old grandmother took
the pressure off by coming out first. "I was so lucky to have such a
good experience;' MacKenzie says. "I don't have a story of struggle.
Obviously, my mom wouldn't reject me-her mother is gay!"
With several colleges in Halifax, the well-tattooed LGBT community is at home all over town. Hit the club Reflections (reflectionscabaret.com) for dancing, or kick back with coffee at Just Us Cafe
(justuscoffee.com), or AlterEgos at the Halifax Backpackers Hostel
(halifaxbackpackers.com/ ALTEREGOS.htm).
Excellent restaurants abound in Halifax. Among the best is Brooklyn Warehouse (brooklynwarehouse.ca), voted Best New Restaurant
by local alt weekly The Coast (thecoast.ca) in 2008, and now home to
farm-fresh seasonal ingredients dished with flavorful twists. For traditional seafood, head to the historic Five Fishermen (fivefishermen.
com) for all your lobster, oyster, and chowder needs. Bistro le Coq
(bistrocoq.ca) brought authentic Parisian fare to the city in 2012,
making good use of what's available locally,both surf and tur£
Seaside Beauty
LESBIAN LOBSTER-LOVERSWILL BE IN HEAVEN
ON PRINCE EDWARDISLAND. I BYKELSYCHAUVIN
T
he beauty and hospitality of Atlantic
Canada make it worthwhile to extend
your Halifax trip to include charming
Prince Edward Island-which, by the way, exports
so many millions of mussels, oysters, and lobsters
around the world that if you eat seafood, you've
probably already savored the flavor of PEL
A visit is as simple as booking a car rental
(try the Canadian chain Thrifty.com), taking a
90-minute scenic drive from Halifax to the Caribou Ferry Terminal (ferries.ca), and crossing
the Northumberland Strait into Woods Island,
PEL Head to lovely Charlottetown, the capital,
which this year celebrates the 150th anniversary
of the historic 1864 conference that led to Canadian Confederation. This sesquicentennial brings
celebrations, festivals, and events all year; check
PEI2014.com for the latest.
PEI by summer is an outdoor wonderland for
many Canadian vacationers, some renting cottages
or camping in the lush provincial parks-some
beachside, some woodsy-or
lodging at picturesque B&Bs such as North Rustico's new revolving
inn, Around the Sea (aroundthesea.ca). Delightful
local libations are easily found, such as the PEI
Brewing Company (peibrewingcompany.com), and
the lesbian-owned PEI Distillery (princeedwarddistillery.com), which makes wild blueberry vodka
and other award-winning spirits.
And while PEI boasts that famous Canadian
gay-friendliness year-round, never is the rainbow
welcome greater than at Pride PEI (pride-pei.
com), this year held from July 24-Aug. 2. Lobsters,
lesbians, Canada-how can you go wrong?
HALIFAX
HOSTS
THE
COUNTRY'S
FOURTH-LARGEST
PRIDE
FESTIVAL,
AND
LOCALS
ARE
QUICK
TONOTE
THAT
ITSTHE
CITY'S
BIGGEST
CELEBRATION.
For a taste of all that Atlantic Canada has to offer, head to the
Halifax Seaport Farmer's Market (halifaxfarmersmarket.com) to
stock up on locally sourced souvenirs or join one of the Local Tasting
Tours (localtastingtours.com). On these walking tours, you can
explore by neighborhood-for instance, Night Out on Quinpool,
or by theme-maybe try North End Craft Beer. Or consider a twowheel tour via I Heart Bikes (iheartbikeshfx.com), which also rents
bikes, so you can make your own adventure.
The City of Halifax does a great job of sharing resources and
trip-planning advice at DestinationHalifax.com, including a list of
'gay-friendly" hotels that, funnily enough, seems to be a full roster of
every hotel in town. And while the Lord Nelson (lordnelsonhotel.ca)
may trump many others for its central location and prime real estate
along the Pride parade route-the fact that virtually every local hotel
is delighted to proclaim its gay pride, in a way, sums up the spirit of
Halifax, the humble city with a huge heart. •
RAISE A GLASS:
In Canada's maritime provinces, locals
say "Sociable!" instead of "Cheers!"
76
CURVE
JUNE
2014
~Stockholm
The Capital of Scandinavia
V•ISi·t. •• Sweden
www.visitsweden.com
t is a lady's fanfare,
with wife and wife
team, Sally and Mandy
Whitewoods, set to
launch Queenstown's
pride event-Gay Ski
Week. The week of events
lures the worldwide LGBT
community to the pristine
New Zealand ski town with
promises of glitter on and
off the ski slopes.
The couple rescued
Gay Ski Week in 2011, after
previous owners let it almost
fall into receivership. Keeping the brand name was
purely a business decision
says Sally.
"It was just easier to get
it back up and going when
people already knew what
it was."
Neither of the Whitewoods appears to shy away
I
78
CURVE
JUNE
2014
from hard work. The couple,
who became first-time moms
two years ago, also run one
of Queenstown's busiest
backpackers' lodges, Aspen
Lodge Backpackers, and
are rebuilding Gay Ski Week.
The Whitewoods, originally from the UK, ended up
in Queenstown after Mandy
told Sally she wasn't ever
living in England again.
"She was traveling and
doing her thing, and every
few years we would meet
up," says Sally.
"Then she just said, 'I'm
not ever living here again,"
and I thought, 'Right, well I
can live in New Zealand for
a while.'"
The couple married in
2009 and show no signs of
packing up to move back to
England. They have become
the driving force behind
the Southern Hemisphere's
largest Winter Pride event,
and last year the week had
a record number of queer
women attend.
"So last year, we had
20 percent females, and
we hope that [figure] will
increase again," says Sally.
The itinerary boasts
international artists, such
as Sydney DJ Kate Monroe
and Melbourne DJ Haylenise. But to really indulge the
queer women crowd, this
year they have incorporated
an exclusive ladies night
event.
"Our female event is on
Sunday August 31. Gaydar
Girls, which is a dinner and
music evening, will feature
Tori Reed, a New Zealand
contemporary folk singer
and songwriter. Being a
Queenstown local, and
hometown favorite, she will
most certainly draw the
queer 'kiwi' crowd."
The following Tuesday,
Anika Moa, a kiwi lesbian
singer-songwriter also has
a gig, which Sally identified
as another drawcard for the
lady queers in town.
The entire week is set in
New Zealand's adventure
capital, which boasts some
of the world's best ski fields,
trendy bars, possibly the
world's best burger (Frugburger) and more adventure
sports than any adrenaline
junkie can handle.
The week kicks off on
Saturday August 30 and runs
until Saturday, September 6.
(gayskiweekqt.com) •
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JUNE
2014
CURVE
79
June Is Busting
Out All Over
With Venus in lusty Taurus and Mars in flirty Libra,
we're in for a sultry summer. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
You find love and romance
Lovely Libras are in their
Home is so warm and cozy it's
in the most mystical and
element this June as anything
hard to imagine leaving it for
roundabout ways this June.
they say or do attracts the
any reason. But maybe you
Keep a lookout and enjoy
ladies. You find yourself
should bring the world to you?
the journey as much as the
maneuvering in new influential
Unfurl the welcome mat and
discovery. Open yourself up to
social sets and expanding
plan something brash, bold
new stimuli (parties, creative
your network. You also make
and beautiful. Brighten up your
outlets) and get into the
powerful first impressions with
surroundings by inviting many
epicenter of all the fun. Where
sexy sirens. Ready for some
far-flung girlfriends over for
there is fun, there is mischief.
lusty excitement? It could
a series of tete-a-tetes. Hmm,
become especially intense.
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
The encouragement and
GEMINI %
(May 22-June 21) %
%
Gemini can be the life %
of the party because %
she is always upbeat. %
%
Invite at least one %
Sapphic Twin if you're %
having an intimate %
dinner gathering %
%
and she will keep the %
conversation flowing %
with her witty repartee, %
%
delightful jokes, %
and gossipy tidbits %
to spice things up. %
%
You'll recognize her %
by her excitable and %
somewhat nervous %
demeanor. She is %
%
always on the go and %
enters a room like a %
spark of electricity or %
%
a bolt of lightning. She %
can talk a mile a minute %
and cuts a wide swath %
of subjects in the span %
%
of a short conversation. %
%
%
%
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor %
%
ofHerScopes:
A Guide
to Astrology
%
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-%
%
tinyur/.
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1/,
Nowavailable
asanebook.%
80
CURVE
JUNE
2014
is that what we are calling it
these days?
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
support of gal pals counts for a
Scorpios are advised to
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
lot, especially when you need
give some time, attention
Guppies can lure fly girls into
sound advice. If you make the
and tender loving care to
their web of intrigue with some
effort, the month can supply
nurturing their relationships,
salty, sensual come-ons this
you with many more pleasant
whether they are for business
June. You will have your choice
social pastimes and even more
or pleasure. The connections
of opportunities.
new bosom buddies. Plan a few
that you cement now will carry
actions and locate your targets
home entertainment events and
you through thick and thin this
carefully and deliberately. You
see who shows up at your door.
summer. There is a lot going on
are especially eloquent and
The more the merrier.
Plan your
behind the scenes and it's nice
compelling and you combine it
someone has your back.
with an earthy aggressiveness
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
that is hard to resist.
You are a dynamo at work and
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
charm the higher ups with
The job may take up much
your acumen, boldness and
more of your time this June but
Aries are feeling their oats
pure charisma. Work it like you
this is not a bad or tiring thing.
this June and maybe they will
mean it and there may be a
In fact, such tasks will juice up
feel July's oats too. You are
pot of gold at the end of your
your energy level, build your
ready, willing and able to form
rainbow. Of course there are
confidence and enable you to
new and strengthen current
a few Lionesses out there that
expand and strengthen certain
relationships. So don't sit on
don't feel the need to kowtow
contacts and friendships.
your fanny and wait for the
Aries (March 21-April 20)
to authority. If so, venture out
Sagittarians are full of extra
doorbell to ring. Get out and
on your own and build from
00mph.
wander around the "meet"
the ground up.
market.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
You are at the peak of your
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
The world is opening up for
power this June, Capricorn.
You are especially appealing
you with adventure and exotic
Will you take charge and
and sexy this June so make
love. So what are you waiting
command the universe to
the most of it while your star
for, Virgo? Travel and see
your will? Or will you be the
shines brightly. There are
new vistas. If time or budgets
strategic advisor behind
many women who are circling
are tight, find ways to either
the scenes? When in doubt,
your sphere of influence.
explore virtually or out around
choose the more creative path
Will you draw them into your
the neighborhood.
and see where it leads you.
gravitational pull? Check out
Love finds you belly up to the
the possibilities at work to see
You never
know who is waiting for you in
some corner hot spot. Find her
bar so have fun, rub bellies,
if there is someone you have
hot spot and start traveling.
and see where that leads.
overlooked.•
July
1-7,
2014I www.FamilyOutFest.com
I Orlando,
Florida
I #FamilyOutfest
MEDIA
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in Key West.
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JUNE
2014
COVER
PHOTO
BY NINO
MUNOZ/NETFLIX
JUNE
2014
CURVE
1
JUNE
2014
12
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IN EVERYISSUE
4
EDITOR'S NOTE
6
CURVETTES
8
FEEDBACK
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TRENDS
12 BEAUTY
Nothing says, "We're Here,
We're Queer, and We're
Fabulous" like these cosmetics
in commanding colors.
14
LESBOFILE
VIEWS
16
OUT IN FRONT
16 IN CASE YOU MISSED
IT ... News from across the
country.
18 POLITICS
Why we need to lean in
this Pride. By Victoria A.
34 FILM
The short film Reflection is
garnering buzz for its fresh
take on gender non-conformity.
20 THE TWO OF US
Our monthly profile of captivating lesbian couples who
live, love and work together.
LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
LAUGH TRACK
Judy Gold gives us plenty to
think and laugh about this
Pride. By Merryn Johns
2014
By Julie Travis
By Cygnus Fogle
26
JUNE
By Francesca Lewis
32 MUSIC
Queercore icon Ellyott Ben
Ezzer discusses her debut
solo album, returning to
Isreal and starting her family
36 CROSSWORD
Celebrate summer with this
fun Pride puzzle.
24 ADVICE
So you want to have a baby.
Here are some essential things
alll lesbian moms-to-be
should know.
CURVE
28 BOOKS
Kim Stolz's new memoir
explores life and love in the
Facebook age.
Brown worth
22
2
REVIEWS
STYLE
37 STYLE
Two lesbian lifestyle apparel
labels, Girls Will Be Boys and
Androgyny, deliver casual and
cool gear just in time for your
Pride parade or relaxing in
summer style.
Introducing
AT&T's best-ever
pricing for families
with the nation's most reliable 4G LTE network.
AT&T's family pricing
2 lines
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Including
• 10 GB of data to share
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See how much your family can save!
877.437.1007
visitatt.com/curvepride
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YOUR
WORLD'"
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&state
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Intellectual
Property.
RONTJMERRYN'S
MEMO
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
Doi11gTin1e
Tl1is l'ride
espite the occasional contender for our affections, maybe The Real
L Word, or edgier foreign imports such as Lip Serviceand Lost
Girl,we've all been waiting years for our virtual-girl fix, something
to fill the void left by the hit TV series The L Word. Which is
why OrangeIs the New Black,an all-American comedy-drama
series created by Jenji Kohan, became a small-screen phenomenon as soon as it
appeared last July. Like the queer-centric Modern Family,this bingeworthy series
struck a chord with everyone, proving that the idea of queerness-and
its related
themes of diversity, marginalia and transgression-appeals
to all of us.
We chose OrangeIs the New Black as our June Pride cover story not only
because season two premieres on Netflix
on June 6, but also because we couldn't
think of a better example of inclusiveness
in mainstream culture. It seems that for the
first time since The L Word, this show has
at least one character each of us can relate
to, identify with, or recognize, whether it's
Piper Chapman or Suzanne. And the actors
fully embody their roles, understanding the
importance of this compelling representation
of a spectrum of women. Actor, producer
and writer Laverne Cox has been especially
present and vocal in trans activism and
received GLAAD's Stephen F. Kolzak
D
Award in April.
To this extent, OITNB is a perfect
expression of a new-age Pride. Should you
be curious enough to Google "gay Pride" you
may be disappointed at retrievals offering rather toothless definitions such as this:
"A sense of dignity and satisfaction in connection with the public acknowledgment
of one's own homosexuality:• Hardly worth throwing your pie for. The women in
OITNB demand more than that, and so should we. As members of the LGBT
community, many of us know the feeling of"doing time" in a society that punishes
us for our difference-as a matter of fact not most of the letters I receive are from
lesbians and bisexual women who are incarcerated.
If you're feeling a little blase about Pride this year, celebrate all that we have
achieved this past year, and start feeling feisty about all that is still left to achieve
here in the United States and around the world.
~·
MERZ
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
4
CURVE
JUNE
2014
JUNE 2014
LESBIAN
» VOLUME
MAGAZINE
24 NUMBER
4
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDING PUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
MANAGING EDITOR Rachel Shatto
COPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Victoria A. Brownworth,
Gina Daggett, Jillian Eugenios, Sheryl Kay, Stephanie
Schroeder
EDITORIALASSISTANTCygnus Fogle, Fracesca Lewis,
William Northup
PROOFREADERElizabeth Harper
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
EVENTS& MEDIA RELATIONSCOORDINATOR Robin Perron
ADVERTISING
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTORMeghan Musalo, Ricardo Calvi Vivian
PRODUCTIONARTIST Kelly Nuti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Kathy Beige, Jenny Block, Adam L.
Brinklow, Kelsy Chauvin, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Traci
Dinwiddie, Maria De La 0, Elizabeth Estochen, Jill
Goldstein, Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman,
Charlene Lichtenstein, Karen Loftus, Sassafras Lowrey,
Emelina Minero, Laurie K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder,
Janelle Sorenson, Rosanna Rios-Spicer, Allison Steinberg,
Stella & Lucy, Dave Steinfeld, Edie Stull, Yana Tallon-Hicks,
Sarah Toce, Tina Vasquez, Jocelyn Voo
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Lauren Barkume, Alex Styles, Meagan Cignoli,
Sophia Hantzes, Janet Mayer, Syd London, Cheryl Mazak,
Maggie Parker, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
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New York, NY 10034
PHONE {415) 871-0569
FAX {510) 380-7487
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070 (toll-free in us only)
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Volume 24 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 8 times
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curvemag.com
UP RONT/
CURVETTES
JENNY BLOCK
WILLIAM NORTHUP
KELSYCHAUVIN
ALEXIS CLEMENTS
is the author of the Lambda
Literary Award-winning book
Open: Love, Sex, and Life in
an Open Marriage. She is also
a freelance writer with work
appearing in and on outlets all
around the world, including
HuffingtonPost, TheDailyMeal,
Dallas Morning News, American
Way, YourTango.com, Dal/as
Voice, Edge Media Network,
Jezebel, and many others.
She is currently working on
her next book, 0 Wow! about
female orgasm, due out in early
2015 from Cleis Press. This
month she takes a leadership
trip with leading lesbian travel
company, Olivia, on page 70.
"Which one of you is the real
mom?" is something William
heard frequently while growing
in Northern California in the
1990s. Part of the lavender
baby boom, he has contributed
to the Institute for American
Values blog and helped start
up the online zine Velociriot!
He was enthusiastic about
a chance to review Bruce
Gillespie's A Family by Any
Other Name, an anthology that
looks at the diversity of LGBT
families, the aptly titled Double
Pregnant by Natalie Meisner
(page 30), and Family Outfest
in Orlando (page 61). Currently
a San Francisco Bay Area
resident, he occupies his time
writing for an ever-changing
list of publications and overthinking most things.
"The vibrant LGBT community
in Halifax rivals just about
anywhere else I've been. It's
a hidden gem filled with so
many beautiful queers," says
travel writer Kelsy Chauvin,
who writes about the Nova
Scotian capital in this issue.
Originally from Morgan City,
Louisiana, with a long-term
layover in Seattle, today she
lives in Brooklyn and-when
she's not traveling-enjoys the
view of the Manhattan skyline
from her dining table/writing
desk. Her recent trips have
taken her to India, Memphis,
Thailand, and Sonoma wine
country. Kelsy also writes for
Frommer's Travel Guides,
Zagat, and Rand McNally. She
is currently finishing her first
novel. (kelsychauvin.com)
Alexis is a playwright and
journalist based in Brooklyn,
N.Y.She co-founded Private
Commission, a queer writing
group that launched The
Uncensored Collection, an
anthology of lesbian erotica.
She co-edited the anthology
of plays, Out of Time & Place,
which includes her piece,
Conversation. Her work has
been produced and published
in the U.S. and the U.K., and
her articles have appeared in
Salon, Bitch, Hyperallergic,
American Theatre, The Brooklyn
Rail, Nature, Frontiers, and
Travel New England. She is
currently working on the
documentary The Unknown
Play Project, focused on lesbian
spaces. (alexisclements.com)
6
CURVE
JUNE
2014
PNCBANK
RONT /
POST
ON
FACEBOOK!
FEEDBACK
The
best
comment
posted
each
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could
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full body. If she is so at ease
with her body, why doesn't she
have more publicity images
showcasing it? - Stephanie
Patrone, Bushwick N.Y.
Magnificent Mary
Just read Curve (Vol. 24 #3]
and I must say mate you hit
the jackpot with your choice
of Mary Lambert. I absolutely
loved it!!! -Trixie Flower,
Sydney, Australia
I adore Mary Lambert. As a
plus-size woman myself it is
very encouraging to see her
talent, intelligence and beauty
being rewarded with success. I
loved your article on her but I
was dismayed that none of the
images actually showed Mary's
Positive Images
What a pleasure to open
Curve's The Body Issue and
see such beautiful spreads of
plus-size women and women
of color. I picked up the magazine at my local Barnes &
Noble and could hardly
believe my luck at such
positive reinforcement. I will
be subscribing from now on.
Thank you for making my
day! -Kelly Waker,
Long Island N.Y.
Visibility Kudos
I want to thank Victoria
Brownworth for acknowledging the importance of making
sure we are not "excised from
history" and the work of the
Lesbian Herstory Archives
(of which I am one of the
coordinators). ("Fighting Our
ii·i!M==:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::H
Posts from our Facebook fans
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
facebook.com/curvemag
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Same Love" singer Mary Lambert is the most!
Thick is better -Lisa Vasquez
I want this in poster size!-
Me/anieLesley
Very sexy! Beauty comes in
all colors, shapes and sizes.
-Cheryl Fialkin
Great choice, Curve. She's
beautiful, inside and out.
shape & size." Please make
this true! Nothing fits my
shoulders except XXL, but
my waist is a small. Nothing
EVERfits my arms. "Every
shape" never includes girls
like me. Ever.
-JamieLynn Lano
I have that issue in my lap
right now! -Suzy Moffitt
I appreciate the close up
shots! The lighting, her eyes,
her lips, the soft curve of
her neck ... I know her body
follows, but I don't need a
centerfold. -Mel Miller
Can't wait to get this issue!!!!
-Jess Black-Zander
-Kaylyn Kay Lowe
"Radical fashion for every
Awww, she is gorgeous!!
-Sarah Bowers
She OOZESsex appeal.
-Nikki O'Donahue
I WANT IT NOW!!
-Key/a Soe Gomez
Erasure" Vol. 24#2] Thanks
to the incredible work of hundreds of volunteers over the
past 40 years, and the support
of our communities and allies,
we continue to document and
preserve lesbian lives in all of
our diversity. I hope Curve's
readers will come and visit
us in Brooklyn, or online at
(les bianherstoryarchives.org).
I invite readers to send us
information about your lives
and your communities for
inclusion in the Archives so
that lesbians in the future will
know your herstory. -Maxine
Wolfe, Brooklyn, New York
HOW
LONG
SHOULD
YOU
BE
WITH
APARTNER
BEFORE
YOU
HAVE
KIDS?
2%
The sooner
the better
13%
Never
19%
After 1-2
years
together
Send to:
WRITE
LISI
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
Email: letters@curvemagazine.com
Fax: 510.380.7487
8
CURVE
JUNE
2014
Online: curvemag.com/letters
Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/customerservice.
✓ subscribe
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lv1USICFR01v1THE ORIGINALSERIES
FEATURING
11
"YOU'VEGOTTIIV1E
BY REGINASPEKTOR
BESTBUYEDITIONINCLUDES
A FLEXIBLEMAGNET+ TWO BONUSTRACKS!
uMe
LIONSGATE"
[NYSE:LGF]
© 2014 Universal Music Enterprises, a Division of UMG Recordings, Inc.
AVAILABLE AT
~
~
NDS/
THE GAYDAR
p
I
!~e~ o~~!~~!one?
Let our gaydar help
you decide who's hot, who's not, who's
~ shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
%
~
BY RACHEL SHATTO
~
Jessie J breaks our hearts by
saying she's no longer bisexual.
Apparently when she sang "Do
It Like a Dude" she meant do it
with a dude. Oops
Speaking of
heartbreakers,
Amber Heard is
officially engaged
to Johnny Depp ...
we kid, we kid
(mostly). We wish
Heard and Depp
all the best
The divine Beyonce covers
Out magazine and makes it
clear in no uncertain terms
that she is an ally
Cameron Diaz admits
having been sexually
attracted to women at
some points in her life.
Hey girl, call us next time
one of those points pops
up again ...
Just when
you thought a
sci-fi retelling
of Romeo
and Juliet
on the CW
was safe to
skip ...Sophia
comes out as
a pansexual
alien on StarCrossed with
a big old lady
crush. Time to
catch up!
HONORARY
LIFFETIME
LESBIAN
MEMBERSHIP
Sara Gilbert and
Linda Perry get
married. Mazel
tov, ladies!
Debbie Harry of Blondie
comes out as bisexual to
the Daily Mail. Not to be
trite but ...Ms. Harry can
call me any any time
Keeley Hawes is
slated to guest on
the upcoming season
of Doctor Who as a
villainous banker with a
secret-can her secret
be that she is Madame
Vastra's ex-girlfriend?
Because that would
be so hot
10
CURVE
JUNE 2014
Orphan Black is
finally back! Which
means our fave
bisexual clone
Cosima is back,
too. We're going
on record now: if
Cosima dies, we riot!
Game of Thrones
is back and gayer
than ever with new
openly bi characters
Oberlyn Martell and
his paramour Ellaria
Sand played by British
stunner Indira Varma
(remember Kama
Surra? We do)
Gay gaming
gals, this one's
for you: Guild
Wars2 surprises
players with a
big ol' lesbian
reveal of two of its
popular support
characters,
Marjory Delaqua
and Lady
Kasmeer Meade
Kate McKinnon
continues to
absolutely kill
it on SNI., this
time teaming up
with Aidy Bryant
in an '80s-style
cop show parody
called Dyke&
Fats. Universe,
are you listening?
Make this a thing!
~BEST
" "'
PLACES TO WORK
2013
for LGBT Equality
Nost
BEAUTY
.JustDolluc
Shades
o/fr.!!!~
QUEER,AND WE'REFABULOUS"LIKE
THESECOSMETICSIN COMMANDING
COLORS.BYRACHEL
SHATTO
Think you can't find the perfect
shade of powder? Try all of them.
Paul & Joe's face powder blends
gentle tones of blue, white, pink and
yellow to give a balanced blend for a
beautiful complexion.
($45, b-glowing.com)
"'mulct• "'all
This skin tone pencil pairs perfectly
with any lip color you throw its
way and puts color bleeding on
lockdown. In other words, Wonder
Pencil is the only lip liner you will ever
need. ($5, nyxcosmetics.com)
I laYc Glam,
"'ill TraYcl
Sephora's Eye For Color Mini Eye
Brush Capsule set features all your
essential brushes (shadow, crease,
pointed and angled smudge), so
primping your peepers on the go is a
snap. ($14, sephora.com)
Lash Out
For the chic Pride Paradefriendly eye without any
fuss, Shu Uemura's Rainbow
Sensation Premium False
Eyelashes are the perfect
balance of fantasy, whimsy
and fierceness.
($60, shuuemura.com)
~Ial,c It Pop
Make your manicure pop with Hand Candy's
matte glitter polish in rainbow-hued Pop Art.
($4, hardcandy.com)
Pol~·ch1•0111a1.ic
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Urban Decay has created our dream Pride palate in
Electric. This 10-color pressed pigment set has every
shade you need to let your inner rainbow shine
through. ($49, urbandecay.com)
Lime Crime in
New Yolk City
($18, limecrime.com)
lllamasqua in Flare
($28, illamasqua.com)
NYX Matte Lipstick in Pure Red
{$6, nyxcosmetics.com)
12
CURVE
JUNE
2014
Ka'oir in Jamaica
($17, kaoir.com)
Lipstick Queen in Hello Sailor
($25, lipstickqueen.com)
*
Join Macy's as we
Celebrate Family + Friends + Love + Life + Equality + Respect
We are proud to join the parade across America in honor of National Pride Month.
We think it's really something to celebrate.
HUMAN
RIGHTS
El
CAMPAIGN
FOR
MORE
®
Plus, shop the Human Rights Campaign Outpost at
select Macy's stores throughout the month of June and
100% of your purchase will go towards the fight for
LGBTO equality.
DETAILS
visit MACYS.COM/CELEBRATE
*
macys
00
NDStGOSSIP
p
~ LESBOFILE
~
~
Miranda swings our way, Lorde suffers
no fools, and 1sEllen the ex from hell?
BY JOCELYN voe
~
Model Behavior
When Victoria's Secret stunner Miranda
Kerr and husband-slash-Hollywood
heartthrob Orlando Bloom announced
their separation this past October, many
people may have chalked it up to a typical
high-profile marriage run its course.
However, the supermodel isn't taking the
split glumly; if anything, she's ebullient
about her newfound freedom-and
ladies,
trust me, this is a good thing for us.
The 30-year-old Kerr is coming into her
Lorde Have Mercy
own, telling British GQ that she's dating and
At 17 years old, freshly minted Grammy
"loving it." But more importantly, she drops
winner Lorde is already proving herself wise
this bombshell: "I appreciate both men and
beyond her years, not only in her musical
women. I love the female body and truly
prowess, but also deftly handing public
appreciate the female form. I really enjoy
prodding.
sketching women, especially their backs.
I definitely need a man in the bedroom,
With the New Zealand "Royals" singersongwriter as a guest on Australian radio's
however-a nice strong chest to lie on. Still,
The Kyle & Jackie O Show, host Kyle
I want to explore. Never say never."
Sandilands managed to bumble his way
Excuse us while we scoop our jaws off
through a question about her burgeoning
friendship with Taylor Swift, asking, "I see
the floor.
you guys' pictures everywhere. Are you
A-List Dyke Drama
Hell hath no fury like a lesbian scorned, or
so it may seem.
guys, like, uh, are you together now?"
Silence.
"Not together as in lesbians ...l'm not
Despite having irrefutable career success,
talking about 'Ellen together.' I'm talking
soap opera standards.
Ellen DeGeneres, according to a source
about, like, you guys are friendly, right?" To
speaking to Shobwiz Spy, is "competitive"
which Lorde coolly replied, "What do you
Phaedra Parks, and her onetime friend
and "vindictive" when it comes to romance.
mean you're not talking about 'Ellen together?'
Angela Stanton are embroiled in a legal
Is there something wrong with lesbians? Is
battle, with Parks suing Stanton after she
Amidst swirling rumors that her six-year
marriage to Portia De Rossi is on thin ice,
DeGeneres is going to drastic measures to
that what you're trying to say?"
As the radio host continued to dig himself
On the surface, star of the Atlanta series
named Parks as an enabler in a check fraud
scam. However, Stanton's ex-boyfriend
make sure that her ex, Alexandra Hedison,
deeper into his awkward hole, the 17-year-
doesn't find another leading lady, says the
old pointedly cut him off: "Don't even try it.
relationship-and
source, and is pulling out all the stops to
It's not working."
tributed to him and Stanton breaking up.
ruin Hedison and girlfriend Jodie Foster's
New girl crush? Yes. Most definitely.
relationship.
Justin Cody has another take on their
it's one that actually con-
"I actually thought that Angela and
Phaedra had an-I thought they were
Bad Checks And A Possible Ex
together," Cody said in a statement under
adds. "She thinks Ellen is a fool for letting
Over the years Bravo's The Real Housewives
oath. "That was one of the reasons me and
such a good catch get away. Jodie had half
reality TV franchise has become over-
Angela broke up," he added, recounting all-
a mind to send Ellen a note saying, 'Your
the-top, with bickering and backstabbing
night "wild parties" at Parks's house where
loss is my gain,' but she isn't confrontational.
happening at an Olympic speed. But the
Stanton wouldn't come home for days.
"But Jodie couldn't care less," the source
As far as Jodie is concerned, Ellen can stew
latest rumor to come out of the gossip mill
"Because they was like real close, like closer
in her own regret and bitterness."
is pretty ridiculous, even by Housewives
than close." Well, if the shoe fits ... •
14
CURVE
JUNE
2014
st
PROFILE
Judy Grahn
California
» Poet
Judy Grahn joined the Air Force in 1960,
and it wasn't long before she was kicked
out for being a lesbian. For some that may
have been a disaster, but Grahn, who today
is an internationally award-winning feminist
poet and educator, found the silver lining.
"It radicalized me and gave my writing social
usefulness, which is golden," she says.
Although she's often described as a feminist lesbian poet, Grahn says she holds on to
those descriptors more so that people can
I ~~~~~~tt~~~t~~~:~~~~~Jg~~~~~~~~~
Jesus could comfort her "struggling" soul. Page
responded publicly to the pastor by tweeting to
her 900,000 fans "2 da Pastor who wrote me-Being gay isn't a belief. My soul isn't struggling& I
don't want arms of Heavenly Father around me.
A girls arms? Yes."
find her work. But at the end of the day, she
says, her writing addresses a broader audience. "I think my work has a central theme of
trying to identify, love, and knit back together
people kept apart," she says.
She now writes about and teaches a theory
she calls "Metaformic Consciousness." In
simple terms, Grahn says that in ancient times
women who were secluded due to menstruation rituals used that time as a learning
experience. It is this greater wisdom, in part,
that elevates women today.
"Men are not displaced from a crucial role
in cultural origin stories by this consciousness," she says. "The cultural contributions
of all genders are put into the perspective of
ritual, and so all genders have a better chance
of understanding each other."
Grahn says she's seen tremendous progress
since she and 12 comrades, including Barbara
Gittings, picketed the White House for gay
rights 47 years ago. But not all is right yet.
There is still virulent homophobia, she says,
both here and abroad. "The more we practice
building communities the better. I can never
forget or be ashamed of feminism. It is the
only solution to violence against women, the
only tactic that works, around the world."
-Sheryl Kay
16
CURVE
JUNE
2014
JAMES
COSBY
WAS
TAKEN
into police custody In connection
with the murder of his daughter
Brittney Cosby and her girlfriend
Crystal Jackson Police believe
that he bludgeoned his daughter
to death, and shot her g1rlfr1end
before dumping the bodies near
a dumpster In Port Bolivar, Texas
Both women were 24 years old.
Other members of the Cosby
family report that that James
had been unhappy about his
daughter's sexual orIentatIon,
and had a history of violence
APUBLIC
BUS
DRIVER
IN
northern France was fired after
adm1tt1ngto throwing water onto
a teenage lesbian couple. The
bus stopped near a high school
where the bus driver saw the girls
k1ss1ng,and he then proceeded
to empty the water from his water
bottle onto the couple saying that
he was "against homosexuality"
The girls reported the 1nc1dent,
KATIE
BRENNY
HAS
WON
A
lawsuit against the Un1vers1ty
of M1ch1gan Brenny was the
associate women's golf coach for
only months before losing her Job
after the Un1vers1ty'sdirector of
golf, John Hams, learned about
her sexual orientation Brenny was
awarded double her back pay,
compensation for mental anguish
and attorney's fees totaling to
more than $359,588 Hams
resigned from the Un1vers1tyof
M1ch1ganIn 2012 after Brenny
sued the school or d1scrim1nat1on
ATEXAS
LESBIAN,
46YEARS
old, has been infected with HIV
via sex with her female partner
Although The Centers for Disease
Control say female-to-female HIV
transmIssIon Is extremely rare, It
Is possible The woman revealed
she had not had sex with a man
In over 10 years and was only
sexually engaged with her partner
at the time she was infected
GLSEN®
For more than 20 years, the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN)
has been bringing LGBT bullying issues into the national conversation by making
schools safer for all our kids. With help from Wells Fargo, GLSEN has delivered a
Safe Space Kit to every middle and high school in America. Wells Fargo is proud to
support GLSEN's work to improve the environment of our schools and teach respect.
Because when people talk, great things happen. To fmd out how Wells Fargo can
help in your local community, visit wellsfargo.com/commitment.
Together we'll go far
© 2014 Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. All rights reserved.
Member FDIC. ECG-1187827
When I got the press release about Bill
Donohue, the president of the Catholic
League, wanting to march in the New
York City LGBT Pride parade with a ban~
ner reading "Straight Is Great!" I decided
enough is enough, already.
Donohue was upset about the fact that
New York City's leadership had boycotted
the St. Patrick's Day Parade because of its
anti~gay policy. This was his salvo back.
In answer to Donohue's request, David
Studinski, the march director for NYC
Pride 2014, said, "Sure:' Chris Freder~
ick, the managing director of NYC Pride
2014, said,"Why not:"'
I was aghast.
No, Mr. Donohue, you can't march in our
parade, because you hate us. You've likened
us to animals and murderers. You've saideven as you call yourself a Christian-that
we are an error in God's plan.
So no, Mr. Donohue, you aren't welcome
at the celebration of our lives, our strug~
gles, and all we have had to overcome just
to survive. The world has far more people
like you than like Jesus (whom you claim to
worship), who said, "Love one another as I
have loved you:' Or people like your own
(and my) Pope Francis, who has said he can
no longer object to gay priests and is recon~
sidering his stance on civil unions.
What was the NYC Pride leadership
thinking:' Why not invite the Westboro
18
CURVE
JUNE
2014
Baptist Church to march with us:' Or the
KKK:' Or the Aryan Brotherhood:'
I'm all for inclusion, as anyone who
has been reading this column for the past
two~plus decades knows, but enough is
enough. Why would we ever invite haters
into our biggest Pride march:' Have we
become so invested in having straight
people like us that we would do anything
to gain their approval:'
The Donohue incident made me ques~
tion anew what our movement is in 2014. I
haven't heard anything but "marriage" and
"military" for nearly a decade. Yet lesbians
are still most likely living in poverty. Young
lesbians are frequent victims of rape on
college campuses. Lesbians are still being
discriminated against in employment and
housing and education. Lesbian moth~
ers are still battling former partners for
their children. Lesbians are still facing an
epidemic of cancer. And that's just in the
United States.
There has to be more to our movement
than having straight people merely tolerate
us while we embrace what used to be seen
as their most repressive institutions.
It's time for a tactical shift. It's time, I
think, for a new separatism. Why are men
still making decisions for women in the
movement:' Whether it's about the Pride
march or adding yet more ingredients to
the LGBTQQIA salad, where is the lesbian
input:' What about the needs of women:'
What about the very specific issues that
lesbians-and lesbians alone-face, issues
that have yet to be addressed 45 years after
Stonewall:'
When I say separatism, I'm not saying
we all need to buy a plot ofland in Oregon
and go off into the woods, shave our heads,
and talk about hating men and overthrow~
ing the patriarchy ( although we do need
to overthrow the patriarchy, for everyone's
sake). I'm talking about what Malcolm X
(oh, I know-controversial
figure, but one
of the most important voices in black civil
rights) spoke of when he talked about the
need for black separatism.
Malcolm X wasn't suggesting that
African Americans (he was the first to
use that term, instead of "Negro" or the
then~militant term "black'') literally sepa~
rate themselves from white Americans. He
was saying that African Americans needed
to look at where they stood in America,
and what they needed to do to achieve
equality. Malcolm X asserted that African
Americans couldn't achieve equality by
embracing the very people-whites-who
were their oppressors. He said that what
blacks needed to do was what we now call
"self-care"-put themselves first and fore~
most-because
no one else was going to.
Part of putting themselves first, Malcolm
X insisted, was neither to apologize for it
VIEWStPOLITI
nor to be conciliatory to whites about it.
That's what I am saying lesbians need to
do: Step back, take stock of who we are and
where we stand in American and "queer"
society, and ask ourselves if we even matter
in this increasingly inclusive-of others and
exclusive-of-us movement. We need to put
lesbians at the center of our universe and
not apologize for it.
Men have never apologized for putting
themselves first. In fact, it's expected that
they do so. It's not the job of feminists and
lesbians to take care of everyone else before
we take care of ourselves.
On social media, I recently had an
argument with a gay male writer over
the issue of violence against lesbians. He
totally dismissed the growing wave of
global anti-lesbian violence, which includes
everything from online threats, to street
harassment, to gang rape, honor killing,
corrective rape, enforced marriage, imprisonment, and murder.
I have written about this wave of violence extensively for Curve, She Wired, and
the Advocate. I was talking facts. He was
talking "Who cares?" Our argument was
ugly, public, and misogynist.
Lesbians I know who witnessed this
brawl were appalled but not surprised.
Lesbians have been shunted aside for some
time in this noHo-big-tent LGBTQQIA
movement, where the L is expected to
be silent.
In the years after Stonewall, lesbians
were told "gay" included us also. Now,
we've been shoved back into that space of
silence, with many young lesbians-Ellen
Page is a recent example-afraid
to even
say the word "lesbian:'
Why:'
Because lesbianism doesn't include men.
Lesbians don't have sex with men. They
don't factor men or penises into their
worldview. It doesn't matter that gay men
don't have sex with women or factor women
or vaginas into their worldview-because
men still own the world and every girl is
born second-class in every nation, developed or developing.
As long as the reality of our second-class
status persists, we will continue to be doubly or even triply oppressed, unlike men.
What is more, gay and bisexual men are
oppressed specifically because straight
society sees them as "feminine;' and trans
women are victims of violence specifically
because straight men see them as trying to
"pass" for female.
Which means sexism and misogyny,
male oppression, and male violence should
be our single priority in the LGBT movement, since they impact all of us and present
a very real and terrifying danger to us.
And yet they are not a priority, because
the primary victims are female and our
movement, like it or not, remains misogynist at its core: It is still, 45 years in, a movement run predominately for men, by men.
Just as Malcolm X knew that whites,
even whites working in the civil rights movement, couldn't comprehend the oppression
of blacks, I know that men, even men who
assert that they are our allies, can't comprehend the oppression of women.
One in three women globally is the victim of male violence. That's more than 1
billion women. Ten percent of them are
lesbians. And while other members of
the LGBTQQIA community are victims
of violence, they are also victims of male
violence. Gay men, bisexuals of either sex,
queers, trans of either sex-we are all victims of the same oppressor and the same
source of violence: men.
When are we going to acknowledge
that reality:'
Maybe lesbians need a break from that.
Maybe we need to initiate the kind of self
care and selfadvocacy Malcolm X was
arguing for in the 1960s. Maybe we need
to put women first-because
no one else
will. Maybe we need to embrace the L and
eschew the other letters for now, while we
focus on an equity that men can't prioritize
because it's not about them.
Do lesbians even know what our issues
are, or have our issues been too occluded
by the needs of others:'
Lesbians are 10 times as likely to have
our partners deported, we are the women
most likely to end up in prison, the girls
most likely to be bullied at school, the
women most likely to be passed over for
promotion at our jobs, the women most
likely to get cancer, the women least likely
to have appropriate gynecological care.
Yes, it's a long list and it's getting longer all
the time. What can we do about it:'
This year for Pride, perhaps we need
to have pride in ourselves. Not turn our
backs on our gay/ trans/ queer/ questioning/ intersex compatriots, but shift our
focus. In the nearly half century of Pride,
we have yet to ascend to becoming equal
members of our own community, let alone
the global village.
It's time for a new separatism. Not to
shut others out, but to embrace ourselves
and our needs, and the very real threat
against us as lesbians.
As you read this, a lesbian is being correctively raped in South Africa-or
in
Richmond, California. A teenage lesbian
is being bullied and sexually harassed at
school. A Ugandan is being arrested and
taken to jail just for being lesbian, and a
lesbian in Mississippi is being arrested for
being too butch. A father has just beaten
his lesbian daughter, Britney Cosby, to
death in Port Bolivar, Texas, and shot her
lover, Crystal Jackson, in the head.
Five years before Stonewall, the neighbors of Kitty Genovese listened to her
screams as she was stabbed and raped,
and they did nothing. Was it because they
knew she was a lesbian and thought perhaps she deserved to die, much the way
Bill Donohue thinks about lesbians and
gay men today:' Yet he was invited to walk
in our Pride parade.
And what about 15-year-old Sakia Gunn,
murdered 11 years ago for spurning the
advances of a man who harassed her and
her girlfriend on the street.
Or Jackie Nanyanjo, deported from the
U.K., where she sought asylum, back to
her native Uganda, where she was killed
because she was a lesbian.
Or Duduzile Zozo, murdered last year
a week before Pride in South Africa-correctively raped and left with a toilet brush
rupturing her vagina and uterus.
Nearly 50 years after Stonewall, we
are always putting other members of our
movement first. No one has ever put us
first, including ourselves. Lesbians need
to lean in. Embrace the new separatism
and celebrate our own lesbian pride. •
Follow Victoria A. Brownworth on Twitter
@VABVOX
JUNE
2014
CURVE
19
VIEWS/TWO
OF
HOW
THEY
GOT
TOGETHER
Everything about our company, right
SARAH: When we first met, I was
down to the name, Love Leaf Books, has
living in Greenville, Ohio and Amanda
come from a collaborative process of
was volunteering with AmeriCorps in
brainstorming, and building on each other's
Columbus, about two hours away. We
ideas. Our creativity just meshes well.
had three amazing dates, and then
for nine more months while Amanda
ONWHAT
MAKES
THEM
GOOD
BUSNESS
PARTNERS
true labor of love, Love Leaf
finished her yearlong AmeriCorps term.
AMANDA: In some ways, we think really
Books was created when Sarah
The weekends together were wonderful,
differently, so we each bring different
Berry and Amanda Williams'
but saying goodbye every Sunday was
viewpoints to the same problem. But, we
children were born and they
heartwrenching.
also think very much alike in other ways,
spent every weekend we could together
A
discovered there were no baby books that
AMANDA: During those weekends, I got
properly represented their families. "We
to know Sarah's daughter Violet, who was
and ultimately, we have a common vision,
so we can work our varying ideas into one
final result.
ended up crossing out 'Daddy' throughout
10, and felt more at home with them than
their books and writing in 'Mama.' It felt bad,
at my own house in Columbus. Sarah also
SARAH: Also, we both believe strongly
it looked bad, and it tells our kids that ours
spent time volunteering with Habitat for
in our mission of providing high quality
isn't a real family," says Williams. The result is
Humanity so we could spend more time
baby books at an affordable price, and that
books that are inclusive, no matter the family
together. As soon as my term was finished,
sometimes means that we make sacrifices
situation. "All families are important, and all
I moved to Greenville, and Sarah, Violet,
here and there, both in our business and in
parents deserve to be included in their child's
and I became a family-to
our personal life. But they're sacrifices we
baby book," says Williams.
two boys later on.
which we added
agree on, and both sincerely want to make
in order to make this business work, and to
HOW
THEY
FIRST
MET
ONSTARTING
LOVE
LEAF
BOOKS
SARAH: We met outside of a coffee shop,
AMANDA: When our boys were born, we
have to be rich to buy a nice baby book,
and that was quickly followed by a first
had no luck finding a baby book that fit
simply because your family doesn't fit into
date: a four-hour picnic lunch in a beautiful
our two-mom family. There were some
a mainstream box.
old cemetery/arboretum.
out there, but they weren't affordable for
We actually
keep our books affordable. You shouldn't
stayed until they had locked the gate to
us, and we didn't feel that they included
the cemetery and we had to climb over the
the information we wanted. My parents
ONWHAT
MAKES
THEM
GOOD
LIFE
PARTNERS
gate to get out.
bought us a baby book that was absolutely
SARAH: Family comes first in both of our
AMANDA: The gate was a huge, majestic
neutral-only
looking wrought-iron fence with spikes on
it wasn't very pretty, and felt so generic.
We complement each other, and we each
top, and while climbing over, Sarah was
Our only other option was to cross out
deal with aspects of both business and
laughing so hard that she could barely
"Daddy" throughout the whole book and
every day life, that the other doesn't want
move. One of the spikes ripped a big hole
write in Mama. We wanted to see our family
to deal with. Keeping a good sense of
in her pants. It still cracks us up to talk
reflected in the books we were going to be
humor about things is also essential.
about it.
giving to our children.
said "Parent" and "baby," but
minds, and our business is a close second.
We knew there were many, many other
ONADVICE
FOR
OTHER
COUPLES
THEIR
FIRST
IMPRESSION
OF
ONE
ANOTHER
families out there having the same
AMANDA: I think it's important for both
problem. Not just same-sex families, but
partners to expect to work really hard, and
SARAH: My first impression of Amanda was
blended families, families with an LGBT
to expect to dedicate a lot of their time to
that she was adorable, and her sense of
grandparent, families with a transgendered
their business. Be prepared to sacrifice a
humor was absolutely spot on with mine.
parent, co-parents, and so on. We also
lot of your personal time, and instead of
We laughed so hard on our first date that
personalize books for families created
having typical date nights, try to see the
our stomachs hurt the next day. I knew she
through adoption, IVF, surrogacy, egg or
fun in sharing a business with your partner.
was the one for me.
sperm donation, and single parents.
AMANDA: I had the same first impression.
We do a lot of our work after the kids
are in bed. While it isn't exactly down
She gave me a little "gift" consisting of
ONWORKING
TOGETHER
what she had in her car at the time. It
SARAH: We each have a role that we fill.
happened to be a pair of Virgin Mary
Amanda does layout, design, and printing,
hologram sunglasses and a giant zucchini
while I do the construction of the covers,
that was curved so that it could perfectly
and binding of the books, as well as all
hook over my shoulder. We laughed
of the logistics. One of us alone couldn't
so hard, and I loved it so much, that I
complete a book, because we don't know
immediately asked her to get coffee
how to do what the other does. Every
with me again.
book is a joint effort, and a labor of love.
time, we try to make it fun, listening to
podcasts together while we work, or
spending time in between tasks talking
about our day. It isn't always easy, by any
means, but for us, it's worth it in the end.
(loveleafbooks.etsy.com)
JUNE
•
2014
CURVE
21
st LIPSTICK+DI
PSTICK
She Says She Doesn't
Love Me Anymore
Is it too late to bring back that lovin' feelin'?
BY LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: Rory and I have
been together for three years, married for one.
The entire time we've been married, I've been
going to nursing school full-time and working
full-time, so I'm rarely at home. Lately, when I
do get some time off, my wife goes out with
her friends, leaving me behind. A week ago,
she told me that she is no longer in love with
me and she hasn't been for a while. She says
it's my fault, because I don't give her what she
needs. But she also says she wants to "try." As
much as it hurts, I respect what she's sayingalthough I do feel it's unfair of her to ask me to
stick around and wait while she decides if she
can fall back in love with me. What should I
do?-Florence Nightindyke
//////////,W///////////////////////////.i,,,,,,,,,,,////////////////////////////////////////////,W///////////////////////////////n,,.,,,.,,,,,..,.,,,;,1WM,,,,,,,,,,,,y//////////,W///////,W////////////////////////
22
CURVE
JUNE
2014
Lipstick: Is it true, Nightindyke? Have you
short hair and everything. I live in a glass
neglected her? Are you so tired at the
closet. Should I not officially come out
end of the day that you just want to come
just because of my mom?-Living in a
home and stare at the television, with a
Glass Closet
wine IV? You've got to give her credit for
being honest and coming to you. Answer
Dipstick: First of all, let me congratulate
me this: Do you even want to stick around?
you for coming out to your mom. No
Are you really committed to this marriage?
matter how much progress we make, no
I'm not getting the vibe that you care a
matter how many states legalize same-
heck of a lot. If you do want to save your
sex marriage, no matter how many times
relationship, and if she's truly willing to
Macklemore sings "Same Love," coming
work on reconnecting, you should give it
out to the people closest to us is always
a try. Falling back in love is possible, if you
a brave act. Kudos to you, kid. From your
had a strong foundation in the beginning.
mom's request, I can see a bit about the
Consider pulling back on school a bit.
kind of family you come from-the
Maybe go part-time for a semester so you
where secrets are common. Twenty years
can focus on resuscitating your relation-
from now, you'll probably discover that
ship, just like you've been saving those
your real dad is a fiddler whose bluegrass
dying patients.
kind
band was passing through town, and that
your grandmother spent time in jail for
Dipstick: Pull your head out of your
bootleggin'. Your mom might be OK with
Nursing Ethics textbook and look around,
secrets, but you don't have to be. You've
Florence. Your wife is right. When some-
been honest with her, so why would you
one says she's no longer in love with you,
lie to anyone else? Asking you not to talk
she's saying the spark is gone. You know
about it isn't cool. So go ahead, tell that
it's missing. You've been sponge bathing
cute soccer player with the baggy shorts
elderly gentlemen instead of rubbing her
and backwards baseball cap that you think
shoulders. She's been out on the town
the two of you would make a great team.
twerking with her girls instead of doing
horizontal hip-hop with you. Going after
Lipstick: I agree with Dip. Congrats!
your dreams is good, but there needs to
There's no turning back now, Teenybopper,
be a balance. Did you not vow to honor
so get those feet planted firmly on the
and cherish Rory when you wed? You can't
ground. Your mom simply needs to deal
heal wounded strangers while your own
with it. Unlike you, she is still working
relationship needs nursing. But don't let
through some shame as it relates to your
Rory make you take all the blame. She's
beautiful revelation. That is her darkness,
got to own up to the part she's played in
not yours. You're 16 now, and you should
this case of benevolent neglect. And no,
be able to hold on to the steering wheel
you're not going to wait around for her to
and also hold on to that cute soccer player
fall back in love with you-you're
while you're shopping at the mall. Gently
going to
be an active participant. Woo her back and
push back, and let Mom know you aren't
remind her why it was that she fell for you
willing to go back into the cage. Explain
three short years ago.
how hard it is for you to lie-tell
her about
the damage it's done, emotionally and
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I'm 16 and
mentally. Perhaps seeing your angst will
I just told my mom that I'm a lesbian.
help Mom get past her own fear and put
She's cool with it, but the only thing she
your well-being first.•
asks is that I don't tell anyone else. I
really want to tell people though. I feel
Do you have a burning
comfortable with who I am, and I want to
question for Lipstick
let other chicks know that I think they're
& Dipstick? Write to
hot. It's obvious that I'm a lesbian. I have
ask@lipstickdipstick.com
So You
Want to
Havea
Baby
What you need to know before
embarking on IVF.BY DR. SHERYL Ross
It's been a long time coming but 17 states (plus
Washington, D.C.) have legalized same-sex marriage,
and employment rights and benefits have never
been so inclusive of LGBT couples. Same-sex couples
are now getting married, planning for a family and
living the American Dream. But what does living the
American Dream mean for lesbians when it comes to
planning for a family? If you Google search "lesbians
EMOTIONAL READINESS
Just because you can doesn't mean you should. You and your partner need to do your homework and research what it takes to plan
a family, the financial commitment to get pregnant and to bring a
new member to your family. The process can lead to a lot of stress
and depression for one or the both of you. Lengthy conversations
regarding the process from start to finish is vital. Practical discussions regarding who will carry the pregnancy, whose egg will
be used and where will you get the sperm are all questions that
need to be honestly discussed. Will the sperm be from a known
or direct donor or an anonymous donor?
The stress of starting a family is no joke. Straight couples are
three times more likely to divorce or become separated after failed
fertility treatments. This same study found that the most challenging time for couples is the transition to parenthood. If a couple
wasn't stable or had "marital" problems facing the challenges with
the fertility process than they will likely continue to struggle with
similar issues through the fertility process and beyond. I recommend that lesbian couples see a therapist prior to beginning
the pregnancy journey just to ensure that they are making the
right decision.
SELECTING AN 0B-GYN
Living in Los Angeles my exposure to the gay community is open,
accepting and widespread. I feel it is so important that you find
an OB-GYN in your city that is comfortable in dealing with lesbians and fosters a positive and supportive environment from
24
CURVE
JUNE
2014
and conception" the information that comes up is
lacking the adequate details to really learn about the
process. Being an OB-GYN in Los Angeles for over 22
years and caring for hundreds of lesbian couples I feel
a commitment to responsibly and properly educate
those of you wanting information about what it takes
to conceive. Here are the things lesbians should know
when planning a family.
beginning to end. In the past doctors have often been obstacles
for patients in wanting to learn about having a baby and what it
takes to make this happen. I would suggest doing your research.
If possible, seek out an OB-GYN in your community that has
worked with lesbian couples. If your city has an LGBT community or health center I would find out whom they recommend
locally. Talk to your friends who have been through the process.
Get recommendations that will make your experience comfortable, welcoming, educational, and cost-effective.
CHOOSING DON NOR SPERM
Choosing a reputable and accredited sperm bank is essential. You
want to find a bank that has the proper credentials which include:
Accredited by American Association of Tissue Banks (AATB),
Licensed by the State Department of Health, Certified by Clinical Laboratory Improvement Amendment of 1988 (CLIA) and
is in full compliance with FDA regulations. The California Cryobank fits this description and is one of the best in the country.
An alternatvie option for selecting a donor is to choose a
known donor or what is called a "directed donor:' If you decide
to use a brother or a friend, their sperm would go through the
same screening process as the unknown donor. The directed donor and his sperm are checked for medical problems and sexually
transmitted infections. Tests that need to be done prior to using
his sperm include:
• General health blood draw: cholesterol, hemoglobin and
VIEWS/
chemistry panel.
+
HIV Panel, Hepatitis Panel, Sexual
transmitted panel.
+
Genetic testing: Cystic fibrosis, spinal
muscular atrophy and hemoglobinopathy carrier screening. Additional genetic
screening is performed on donors with
Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry, Cajun, or French
Canadian ancestry.
The safest way to ensure your known
donor is healthy is to quarantine his
sperm for six months. The recommended
guidelines from the American Society of
Reproductive Medicine and the FDA are
to quarantine the sperm for six months
and have the donor tested for certain
viral diseases, including HIV and Hepatitis. Putting the sperm in the freezer
for 6 months doesn't cause any damage to
sperm of good quality.
""
TOOLS NEEDED FOR HOME ICI:
Ovulation Predictor Kit
+
One 3cc syringe
+
Sterile cup
+
Thin catheter/Tom Catheter that attaches to the syringe
+
INTRA-UTERINE INSEMINATION (IUI)
Washed sperm is placed directly into
the uterus through a catheter that goes
through the cervix. The sperm then swims
into the fallopian tubes where fertilization takes place. This is typically done by
a health care provider. A great way to include the partner is to allow her to push
the sperm into the uterus.
Whether you're having an ICI or IUI,
inseminations typically occur the day
you ovulate or the day after. Your health
care provider should give you necessary
details on when to call her for further
instructions. It is also good to know that
inseminations can take place seven days
a week.
THE
GOOD
NEWS
IS Lesbian couples have many unforeseen
THERE
ARE
MORE and unexpected expenses in order to create a baby, such as:
ADVANCED
TOOLS
THAT
YOU
CAN
USE
Insemination (ICI) $595
INSTEAD
OFUSING
THE per Intra-cervical
vial
Insemination (IUI) $695
OLD
FASHION
TURKEYper Intra-uterine
vial
the donor is open to at least one conBASTER. tactIfwith
the children it can cost $100/vial
FINANCIAL IMPACT
DONOR AND DIRECTED (KNOWN)
DONOR SPERM
+
+
+
''
additionally, and this includes 1 year of
free storage.
THE INSEMINATION PROCESS
SPERM STORAGE
Lesbian couples have to do artificial insemination using selected sperm. The two
options include:
Intra-cervical insemination (ICI) in
which unwashed sperm in placed at the
entrance of the cervix. ICI can be done
in the privacy of your own home. I would
discuss it with your health care provider
to learn how it is done and possibly have
your provider show you and your partner
how to do it at home.
Doing at home ICI is less costly and
much more intimate. The good news is
there are more advanced tools that you
can use instead of using the old fashioned
"turkey baster:'
+
+
+
3 month term $160
6 months term $275
12 months term $475
ADVI E
years or older), it is something you should
consider looking into.
IN VITRO FERTILIZATION (IVF)
$10,000-$15,000
PER CYCLE
Package options are typically available.
IVF is a process where you are given
fertility drugs to create many eggs in your
ovaries. At a specified time during your
menstrual cycle the eggs are extracted and
placed into a Petri dish. Your selected
sperm is added into the mix, an embryo
is created and carefully injected into the
uterus. This is sometimes done when eggs
are removed from one woman so that her
partner can carry the baby allowing both
women to participate in the pregnancy
experience. On average it takes four to six
months to conceive a child through IUL
Approximation cost of six months of IUI
with your healthcare provider is $5,970
PLANNING AHEAD IS KEY
Plan to meet with your healthcare provider three to six months ahead of time to see
if you are physically and mentally ready to
have a healthy pregnancy. A review of your
medical history is important to ensure
that you don't have any underlying medical conditions, such as diabetes or high
blood pressure that might have an adverse
effect on you or your unborn child. During
this visit your healthcare provider can also
go over medications you might be taking
that could be teratogenic or harmful to the
embryo during the early stages of conception. Also, making sure that you are on a
prenatal or multivitamin that contains at
least 400mcg to 1mg of folic acid at least
three months prior to conception is vital.•
Dr. Sheryl Ross is a board certified
OB-GYN in private practice and founder
of D3FY Vitamins, located in Santa
Monica, Calif. (drsherylross.com)
INSEMINATION BY A HEALTH CARE
PROVIDER $200-$300
CONSULTATION WITH INFERTILITY
PHYSICIAN FREE-$350
EGG FREEZING AND RETRIEVAL
$5,000-$7,500
Egg freezing and retrieval is an excellent
option if you definitely want to have children in the future but are not ready to get
pregnant. If you have "aging'' ovaries (35
JUNE
2014
CURVE
25
FEATURES/
DO YOU BELIEVE IN PRIDE?
Yes, and we used to go and watch. I've been in it as well. And
although it's fun to watch the parade, it really kind of depends
on the weather and the mood I'm in [laughs]. Although I do
celebrate, and I'm proud, I feel like I fight for LGBT rights and
marriage equality every single day of my life.
WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE CATHOLIC LEAGUE
WANTING TO MARCH IN THE NYC PRIDE PARADE?
The head of that Catholic League decided he was going to
boycott Guinness because Guinness would not march in the
St. Paddy's Day Parade because the LGBT community is not
allowed to march in that parade ... And now, of course, [Pride]
has said, "Fine:' And that's fine. I think it shows how secure we
are with who we are, how we don't feel threatened by straight
people. We are a very diverse and aware, very culturally sensitive
community. The best way to make that point is to let everyone
else march in our parade.
DO YOU FEEL FRED PHELPS HELPED GALVANIZE US?
He was so beyond ridiculous and over the top, standing at the
funeral of a veteran saying, "God hates fags:' He is sort of the
poster child for what a lot of America thinks. It really gave us a
visual of what we have to deal with constantly.
LAUGHTRA
you don't like pizza. You either like a joke or you don't like a
joke. The lesbian crowds I know-for example, Women's Week
in Provincetown- I think they have a great sense of humor,
despite the fact that women are pretty much attacked on a
daily basis. The attacks on Hillary ... Rush Limbaugh saying,
"We really want to see a woman age in office... " Look at the fat,
disgusting, drug~addicted hypocrite. You're against gay marriage
and you've been married four times!
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO LGBT PEOPLE WHO THINK WE
SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING FOR MARRIAGE EQUALITY?
That's fine, you don't have to fight for it. But when you have two
children and a partner and you want to be able to have equal
rights as a parent, as a spouse, to the point of being able to visit
someone in the ER or the ICU, to be able to pick your child up
from school, to be able to receive your spouse's pension or social
security and not lose your home. For those people who don't
support marriage equality-don't
get married. But to live in
this world as a gay parent or a gay spouse and to lose everything
when your partner dies and to have no right to your partner's
children-I'm
sorry, we deserve marriage equality and it's a
fight, and until our families are equal and people realize they all
know and love a gay person, this country's not going to change.
WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE
AS A COMIC HAVE YOU EVER SAID THINGS YOU WISH
YOU COULD TAKE BACK?
I was doing a benefit years ago for Howard Dean, 2003 or 2004,
he was in the lead at the time and I was not a fan of George W.
Bush-so I did this benefit and I was doing a set, which was
great, and at the end I said, "We've gotta get that living, breath~
ing piece of shit out of office;' which wasn't any big secret until
I said it. Of course my choice of words was really bad. I had
no idea all the press was in that room and I was vilified. And
rightly so. I learned a lot from that experience.
WOULD YOU BACK HILLARY CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN?
I love Hillary Clinton ... ! am 100 percent behind her. Forget
that she's a woman for a minute. Look at what she's done.
She was an incredible Secretary of State, she's full of knowl~
edge, full of confidence. She is incredibly classy and she has
a thick skin, which is exactly what you need. There's no one
more qualified and ready to be president than her.
IT'S BEEN SAID THAT WOMEN AND LESBIANS
AREN'T FUNNY. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?
I just did an Olivia cruise and I can't tell you
how wonderful those audiences were.
There are humorless lesbians, there are
humorless straight women, there
are humorless straight men,
and there are humorless gay
men. It's called a sense of
taste. You either
like pizza or
I'll be doing stand~up. The kids
will be in summer camp. So
maybe it's time to take care of
myself. (judygold.com)•
KIM STOLZ'S MEMOIR EXPLORES LIFE AND
LOVE IN THE DIGITAL AGE.
BY FRANCESCA LEWIS
BOOKS»
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
ocial media and
technology may
have revolutionized
our everyday lives,
but they are not without their
pitfalls. With the temptation
to make ill-advised connections constantly at our
fingertips, and face-to-face
communication becoming a
dying art, we may be losing as
much as we gain in this brave
new world. Unfriending My Ex
And Other Things I'll Never
Do, the memoir from Kim
Stolz, documents the technological revolution from within.
Stolz, who shot to fame on
America's Next Top Model
and has since worked as an
MTV News correspondent, a
restaurateur and is the current
Vice President of Equity
Derivatives sales at Citigroup,
is also, in her own words, "one
of the most digitally obsessed
and addicted people of my
generation:' In her new book,
Stolz takes us on a journey
that is both universal and
S
28
CURVE
JUNE
2014
personal, as she shares her life
as lived through social media
and the love/hate relationship
she has with technology.
Do you remember when
technology stopped being
fun and became a necessary evil?
I think what's exciting but also
scary about social media and
technology is that it doesn't
hit you at once; it seeps into
your life and your thoughts
and affects your behavior, your
relationships and your life
in general rather slowly and
contagiously. It always starts as
a "fun addition'' but within days
it's somehow become a "necessary evil" in my life that I can't
live without-that
is, until the
next one comes along.
Which came first- the impulse to write a book or the
idea for this particular book?
Writing has certainly always
been an interest. I never
actually considered writing a
book before this idea came to
mind and even when it did, I
didn't realize it would become
a book. I was on a plane to Los
Angeles when my girlfriend
broke up with me via email
because of a conversation I had
with an ex which wouldn't have
been started had it not been for
Facebook. I wrote a few pages
in somewhat of a rant- I had
just been broken up with-and
sent it to a friend who forwarded it to a literary agent she
knew and the rest was history.
One of the book's strengths
is its intimate and anecdotal
tone. What made you decide
to write from such a personal
perspective?
At first, the book was going to
be much more analytical. Then
I realized that this topic was
so very personal to me and to
my generation that it would be
a far more interesting read if
it were truly spoken with the
brutal honesty and sometimes
real pain which inspired it.
The book focuses on the
decrease in empathy that
occurs without face-to-face
interaction-the "empathy
deficit." What do you think
this means for minorities,
like the LGBT community, as
they navigate the web?
For every community, including LGBTs, we have to
think twice about how much
weight we give the conversations and relationships we
have solely online. The issue
with communicating through
a screen is that we can't see
the person's eyes on the other
side and that makes us less
conscious of their feelings-it
eliminates our ability to be
empathetic. As a minority
group, we need to make sure
we are protecting ourselves
and our community online.
REVIEWS/
You write about the temptation that comes along with
social media to impulsively
seek out new loves and old
flames. Have you been able
to avoid them?
That is the million~dollar
question. We can pinpoint
these issues and recognize
how detrimental our addiction
to social media can be, but
can we fix it? I have been able
to fix some very important
things: not letting myself
slide down a slippery slope of
stalking an ex and subsequently
getting back in touch. And I've
fixed some smaller things: be~
ing a better dinner partner for
my friends and family-aka
not spending the entire time
on my phone. My addiction to
social media obliterated any
potential alone time, so I'm
working on spending more
time with myself away from
BOOK REVIEWS
BOOKS
my phone and computer. And
I still haven't "unfriended" one
ex, but I'm working on it.
You dedicate your book to
your iPhone-would you
say you still believe that
technology has enriched
your life?
Before I wrote the book,
I would have said that my
addiction to social media is
more detrimental than posi~
tive but now, having learned
lessons through writing it and
getting to know myself better
because of the experience,
I think I'm at a place where
I'm being enriched more
than negatively impacted. I
do have to recommend the
digital detox I talk about in
the beginning of the book. It
completely changed me and
the way I saw my life, rela~
tionship, and friends outside
the digital bubble. •
heartache and, of course,
anth ropomorph ic an i ma Is.
With her trademark art style,
minimal yet expressive in its
~·
PAGE
~TURNERS
clean black and white lines,
Obomsawin helps us easily
relate to her cast of oddly cute
and unique creatures, imbuing
their simply drawn faces with
On loving Women
emotions that are surprisingly
By Diane Obomsawin
human and complex. The
(Drawn and Quarterly)
accompanying narration and
Made up of fascinating and
dialogue is simple, econom-
diverse snippets from nine
ical, and almost diary-like in
queer women's love lives, the
its tone. Every situation and
new graphic novel On Loving
experience is unique, in the
Women by Canadian animator
way that only true ones can be,
Diane Obomsawin is a light,
and yet you will find yourself
sweet and poignant read. A
deeply empathizing with every
lovely collection of stand-alone
character. The universal appeal
coming out stories, gathered
of these characters makes this
from the author's friends and
a book for anyone that has
ex-lovers, the book ties to-
searched for themselves down
gether this series of nostalgic
the magical and infuriating
tales with common threads
rabbit-hole that is romantic
like identity, attraction, family,
love. -Francesca
Lewis
JUNE
2014
CURVE
29
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
The Bilerico Project. If you're interested in
how everything connects and intersects,
Against Equality is a truly informative,
must-have anthology. -Cygnus
Fogle
A Family By Any Other Name:
Exploring Queer Relationships
Bruce Gillespie
(Touchwood
Editions)
This collection of short autobiographical
pieces by LGBT people offers an insider's
look at what makes a family in all its
forms. There's a vibrant diversity to them,
in terms of gender, ethnicity, religion,
age, and more. There are long-term couples who adopt or opt for IVF, but there
are also single people enmeshed in families of choice, single parents, and even
one family that I had to diagram while
attempting
to understand its sprawling
beauty. Gillespie includes several mo-
Against Equality: Queer Revolution,
Not Mere Inclusion
ments of stinging familiarity. One story
references the realization that the family's
Ryan Conrad
usual dinner seating chart reflected a
(AK Press)
coded homophobia and another dis-
Meant as "an introduction
to the diverse
cusses being asked "Which one of you
Double Pregnant
array of radical queer and trans critiques
is the real mom?" None of the stories
leveled against mainstream gay and les-
get bogged down in those memories
Natalie Meisner
bian politics," Against Equality documents
of criticism and hostility, however. The
(Fernwood Publishing)
the queer and trans resistance to a gay
most painful accounts describe how a
This entertaining
agenda that has failed to address the
civil union can't necessarily save a failing
a stunning idea: what if both members of
personal tale starts with
structural changes that need to take place
relationship, or the difficulty of a parent's
a lesbian couple got pregnant at the same
not only in our communities,
death. The collection comes from a some-
time? It records the efforts of Meisner and
times brutal but consistently affirming
her wife, an interracial and trilingual cou-
but in our
country at large. With topics ranging from
the battle for marriage equality to how
ple, to do just that (which they manage to
the end of DADT is contributing
do with only a two-month
to the
gap between
destructive expansion of U.S. imperialism
them). It's a compelling
and neocolonialism,
stories of pregnancy, a sort of "what to
Against Equality's
twist on familiar
hope with this anthology is for "those who
expect when you never thought you'd be
may be interested in only one area of our
expecting, let alone like this." The book
archive to engage with the other themes."
explores the familiar ups and downs of
What began as a one-person blog even-
artificial insemination, but times two. But
tually turned into a "small, all-volunteer,
getting pregnant is only half the battle
anti-capitalist
as the couple faces many challenges,
collective that maintains an
online archive of radical queer and trans
critiques of the holy trinity of mainstream
gay and lesbian politics: gay marriage,
gays in the military, and hate crime legislation." The section on queer critiques
of gay marriage, for example, includes an
a 1family
oy any
ot her natne
EXPLORING
QUEER
RELATIONSHIPS
open letter penned by "Aunty" Kate Bornstein along with pieces from The Gay and
Lesbian Review, Maximum RocknRoll and
30
CURVE
JUNE
2014
heartbreaks and triumphs on the way to
motherhood.
In the end, there are also
the two labors, complicated
in their own
ways. Amid a long story of pregnancy
classes and general worries, the emotional weight in those scenes is a stark
reminder of just how difficult pregnancy
EDITED BY BRUCE GILLESPIE
still is-and
-William
how rewarding.
Northup
t
OFFICIAL
■
63
SELECTION
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I
first saw Ellyott Ben Ezzer in a pub
in Camden, London, onstage with
Queercore band Sister George. That
was back in 1994: I'd only been out
for two weeks and luckily had stumbled
onto a vibrant gay punk scene that I im~
mediately identified with. The room was
jammed with misfits of all sexualities danc~
ing madly while Ezzer-then
known as
Ellyott Dragon-played
guitar and spat
the bands' lyrics out.
32
CURVE
JUNE 2014
Nearly 20 years later, and now living in
Tel Aviv, Israel Ezzer released her debut
solo album, 5772. It's a return to singing
after a successful career as a DJ and com~
poser of television and film scores as well
as becoming a mother. The album is re~
freshingly difficult to pin down to a partic~
ular musical genre. It's a world away from
the noisy antics of Sister George and post
Queercore indie~punk outfit Nightnurse,
but it's certainly not easy listening, par~
ticularly in terms of the lyrics, which are
heartbreaking in places.
For Ezzer, going from being a musician
in a band to releasing her solo album was a
slow and challenging process. "There is no
way around admitting that I am a control
freak;' Ezzer confesses."! try very hard to be
a charming, caring control freak: a benevo~
lent tyrant. But I am one, nonetheless. You
would think a solo album would be a natu~
ral choice for me, following two decades of
trying to get band members to do what I
hear in my head, and not always succeeding:
but I took my time. Then I realized I was
sabotaging mysel£ telling myself I wasn't
ready, and all the other bullshit girls tell
themselves because we are brought up to
belittle ourselves. I actually needed a huge
shock-my father died and my relationship
of 10 years collapsed all within one weekto start making my album. I just sat myself
down in my lovely little studio in Jaffa for
a year, and did it all mysel£ including the
mixing, which I have never done before. I
finally managed to sound the way I wanted
to my whole life. Lucky
for me, the album was
received with huge love
and appreciation, and
was album of the year
for Israel's two biggest
music critics:'
For her solo album
Ezzer dug deep both
emotionally and into
her family's often tragic history. "This album
indeed is an extra personal one. I opened up
like never before. It
might sound strange
but when my father
died, I felt like I could
walk through walls. I
felt clear and strong,
there was no time for
half-truths or waiting
around-life had to be
lived right away, and
songs had to be written and recorded to
their fullest. This is why I dared for the first
time to write of the loss and tragedy of my
family during the holocaust ("I Look Like
My Mother"), something I always wanted
to do but never dared. My mother's family
managed to escape from Prague at the end
of 1939, when she was five, and everyone
they had left behind, including her beloved grandmother, died in a horrific way.
Everyone always said how much I look like
that grandmother, and this song has been
brewing in me for years:'
For Ezzer, family, politics and race are
interwoven. The album's tide, 5772, is the
year in the Jewish calendar that the album revolves around. 'J\ll I went through
during that year is in this record-losing
my father, the breakup, motherhood, and
the very troubled and amazing place I live
in. Israel is controlled by men, both generals and rabbis, and is occupying another
people. Many things need to be changed
in this incredible country, and I sing about
it-in this album, and ever since I've started out. Some of my songs were banned by
the radio as early as 1989.
"When I came out in Israel in 1989 I
was the very first artist, male or female, to
do so. The press could hardly believe it!
Such a juicy story fell into their laps: an out
dyke with a flat-top and a leather jacket,
not apologizing for being queer. I was front
page news for ages. There was only one TV
channel here in those
days, and once you appeared on it, everyone
knew you. I was 'the
only lesbian' forever. It
took years and years for
the next artist to follow
me, but now there are
quite a few 'out' artists.
When I came back to
live in Tel Aviv in 2002,
I established myself as
a DJ, singer and producer, and people were
slowly able to see past
that first image:'
Ezzer's
life
has
changed immeasurably
since the days when
she was the sole lesbian musician in Israel.
She has found love
and started a family. "I
never thought I would
have children, and it didn't come easily or
naturally to me. It's hard work, the finest I
have ever done. Lucy is almost 10, and my
partner's daughter, Ariel, is 13. We are a
house of four women, all strong and opinionated and clever and funny. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such a family.
After my relationship of 10 years-with
Lucy's other mom-broke to pieces, I took
time to heal. But when I met Ayelet [Shematovich ], I knew this was the love of my
life,just like in the songs! Every morning I
thank the Universe, not only for this love,
but for living in a place and age where I can
live with a woman and have a family. We
are not married and it is not legal in Israel,
but we can live and thrive, and I most certainly have not said the last word in that
subject of rights. The fight goes on, always:'
(ellyott.bandcamp.com) •
ANOUT
DYKE
WITH
AFLAT-TOP
AND
ALEATHER
JACKET,
NOT
APOLOGIZING
FOR
BEING
QUEER.
I
WAS
FRONT
PAGE
NEWS
FOR
AGES.
"WHISKEY&W1INE
VOLi.
THENEWEPBY
ANTIGONE
RISING
AVAILABLE
NOW
ometimes all it takes is just a
spark, and for writer, director and Noka Productions
co-founder Hazuki Aikawa, the
spark that ignited Reflection came out of
the Christian environment she grew up in.
Amidst back-and-forth debates over
the ever-present issue of same-sex marriage, Aikawa found herself hearing the
same things reiterated.
"The anti-gay marriage opinions that
I heard were, for example, that the Bible
says marriage should be between a man
and a woman. It just struck me-what do
you mean by 'man' and what do you mean
by 'woman'? Is it an anatomical thing?
Or is it like a psychological thing? What
does it mean to be a man? And what does
it mean to be a woman? It's not what it
seems. I kind of wanted to yell that from
the top of my lungs:'
From there, Aikawa began to wonder
what must it be like to come to a realization about one's own gender non-conformity and how it would feel to have that
acknowledged by your family-and
from
that thought, Reflectionwas born.
The film marks the first time Noka
S
34
CURVE
JUNE 2014
Films has delved into gender identity as
a topic. Throughout Reflection'stwo-year
production period, Aikawa explains that it
was always important for her to work with
people from within the trans community
to make the film as accurate a portrayal of
trans experience as possible.
'Tm straight and I am very proud of
this film that I made with my friends, and
I think that people who are of the LGBT
community and families- I hope they
take it in a very positive way knowing that
it came from a team that is a mix of LG BT
and straight people;' Aikawa explains.
The film opens with a beautiful androgynous fashion model on a photo
shoot. Present-day reality quickly blends
with flashbacks to the child and their
mother, and the film follows them through
both ethereal and jarring slice-of-life
scenes. Early on in the film, in a slap-tothe-face moment, the mother says to her
8-year old child, "You're not special, you're
different. They're not the same thing:'
While confronting her child's evolving gender identity head-on, the mother's
experiences remain the main focus of the
film and were the driving force behind
Aikawa's inspiration. It feels difficult at
times to sympathize with a character who
struggles to provide unconditional support for her child. But she's not perfect,
she's human-an
amalgam of good and
bad and everything in-between, just like
the rest of us.
When asked what she wants Reflection
to be for LGBT families, Aikawa expresses many hopes for the short film: "I just
want them to take the film as an encouragement. To have a film that focuses on
family acceptance. And how family acceptance might not be beautiful; there's a
lot of struggles that come with it. There
needs to be a lot of patience and [attempts] to understand each other. I think
it's very universal. I am very interested in
hearing what people think of the film;'
Aikawa says.
"I hope that people watch the film and
also [hope they'll] be very vocal about what
they think about it. Whether it's a positive
response or a negative response, the whole
idea behind it was to encourage discussion
and bring this idea of the importance of
family acceptance more into the spotlight:'
(nokafilms.com/ reflection/) •
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REVIEWS/
CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1.
4.
9.
Actor who played Dr. Anna
Del Amico on ER, Maria
ABC morning show anchor
who recently came out,
Robin
Escort's offering
10. Emerald is its birthstone
11. Her memoir was made into
a film, Valencia: the Movie/s,
Michelle
12. Half a bikini
13. Golf or tennis championship
15.
the knot
16. Famed love potion number
18. Actor who played a trans man
in Boys Don't Cry, Hilary_
19. Nurse, for short
20. State that recently approved
gay marriages
26. Piece of jewelry worn to
attract romance into your life
(2 words)
29. Top Gun star who came out
in 2012, _ McGillis
36
CURVE
33. It's been a battleground
issue for gay people over
several years
38. Former Cosby Show actor
who came out recently
(2 words)
40. "The Queen of Lesbian Pulp
Fiction,"_ Bannon
2014
4.
Character in Dallas Buyers
Club played by Jared Leto
5.
Is the Warmest Color
movie
6.
Emulate Sister Souljah
35. The voice of the LGBT
community, abbr.
7.
Kama
36. Obsessed with
8.
The Color Purple writer,
Alice
37. Selen sin
14. Stay unsettled
17. Frigid
18. Start of a plan or a fire
41. Business degree
21. Detroit locale
43. "_, I Love You" from the
Doors
23. Transgender activist,
McDonald
44. Parade stopper
24. Actor Long
45. Boldly provocative
25. Darling
27. Itinerary word
DOWN
JUNE
Finance adviser who's
married to Kathy Travis
32. Swimming heroine and LGBT
role model, Diana _
1.
Stunning
28. Cynthia Nixon's wife,
Christine
2.
"Same Love" singer, Mary_
30. Wanted poster initials
22. Toned
23. "True Colors" singer and
LGBT activist (2 words)
3.
31. Tint
32. Toward the pole where
Santa works
33. "Continuum" singer, John_
34. New couple
39. Tennessee athlete, for short
42. "Let it
": Beatles advice
TUR
=s1STYLE
STYLIST:MELISSA MILLAN
PHOTOS: RICH QUALTERS
he trend to challenge the divides between
menswear and womenswear continues with
the San Francisco-based label Androgyny,
created by Melissa Millan, who has made it
her mission to re-engineer menswear to fit
the female body "Our mission is simply to
inspire personal confidence by providing
clothes that fit as true as one's own skin," says
Millan, a graduate of Smith College with a BA
in Economics
An investment banker for Morgan Stanley,
and self-described shopaholic who became
disillusioned with the lack of fashion options
for women interested in appealing androgynous fashion that also suited the business
world, Millan decided to do something about
this gap in the market. In 2009 she hung up
her power suits and pearls and Joined Levi
Strauss in San Francisco. By night, she took
fashion classes and prepared to start her own
venture. Just two years later, she received
her MBA from UC Berkeley's Haas School of
Business and began product development
at Androgyny The thrust of her approach to
a timeless tomboy aesthetic was to re-craft
the perfect button-up shirt and adapt it to
the curves of the female form-and
leave the
wearer feeling comfortable, confident, and
empowered
"I started Androgyny because I was a
frustrated consumer," says Millan "I struggled
to find clothes that fit both my body and my
identity Every time I stepped foot into a store
I struggled I struggled to find clothes that
not only fit me properly but also allowed me
to feel comfortable and confident In doing
some preliminary market research, I realized I
was not alone and left my life as an investment banker to pursue Androgyny"
Models (in order
of appearance):
Jenn Anderson-Crockett,
Melissa Millan,
Alexis Kavazanjian,
Kate Mulhern,
Jordan Brown
Emily Lutyens
Piper Payne
Alexis Kavazanjian
38
cu
JUNE
2014
While women's clothing is too form fitting
and restrictive, and menswear is usually too
formless and oversized, Millan tried to correct
these disparities with features such as the
box pleat and a strategic re-placement of
the center buttons to accommodate breasts
Voita,the Signature Fit
"We also removed the front darts typical
of women's shirts, so attention is less likely to
be drawn to the chest area. Finally,we've designed our shirts to give our customers a new
freedom and versatility in terms of where and
when they can wear our shirts-with a length
that's long enough to stay tucked in, yet short
enough to leave untucked after work"
Millan's vision has been met with
success. The first few collections have completely sold out The shirts feature fabrics
such as gingham and 100 percent Japanese
cotton in soothing, low-key color palette of
royal blue, light navy, turquoise, gray and
charcoal Each shirt is handcrafted in small
quantities in San Francisco
"We hope to be able to expand both our
product assortment and sizing slowly over
time. Our goal is to become the go-to brand
for the androgynous female-bodied person's
needs" (wearandrogyny.com)
FEATURES/
40
CURVE
STYLE
JUNE
2014
SNAPBACK HAT, $20
5-panel Mesh
Subliminal Print
Colors:
Available in 5 styles;
A Hart, Ellie Ro, Flo
Kay, Rozie P, Suzie B
Sizes:
One size fits most
MUSCLE TANKS
(BLACK), $20
Available in 3 styles
Sizes:
Small, Medium,
Large, X Large
TURES/
STYLE
~ he tomboy trend continues
with Girls Will Be Boys
(GWBB),a lifestyle brand
which offers a full line of
active apparel perfect for
Pride season. Last winter
the lesbian label launched its highly
anticipated tank tops, sports bras and
an array of muscle tank tops, along with
its signature boxer briefs The quality
garments blend the urban aesthetic of
street wear with the comfort of active
wear to appeal to the modern tomboy as
an active individual who doesn't conform
to society's typical female gender role.
The GWBB tomboy is tough but can also
be feminine and sexy when she desires
because she dresses to please herself,
not others. To embody this spirit the label
has named its snapback hats after gutsy
women in history such as Amelia Earhart,
Eleanor Roosevelt, Florence Nightingale,
Rosa Parks,and Susan B Anthony Nice
attitude. (gwbbclothing com)
I
MUSCLE TANKS (WHITE), $20
Available in 3 styles
Sizes:
Small, Medium, Large, X Large
SIGNATURE BOOTY BRIEFS, $17
95% Cotton/ 5% Spandex Nylon Elastic Waist
Band with Signature Logo
Colors:
Black, Purple, Gray, Blue, Pink, Green
Sizes:
Small, Medium, Large, X Large
42
CURVE
JUNE
2014
LOW BACK MUSCLE TANKS, $17
Available in 2 styles:
Girls Will Be Boys Muscle Tank
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JUNE
2014
CURVE
43
FEATURES/
ard as it is to believe, Suzanne Vega's last studio
effort, the wonderful Beauty and Crime, was
released way back in 2007. Until recently, she
hasn't unveiled an album of new material, but
he has stayed busy. In 2011, Vega played a
troubled Southern novelist in the one-woman, off-Broadway show
Carson McCullers Talks About Love. And over the last several
years, she has turned out a series of four albums called Close-Up,
each one containing new, stripped down versions of older songs.
The series was released as a box set in April. And now there's a
new studio disc.
Talesfrom the Realm of the Queen of Pentacles, released in Februar» is not a concept
album per se, but there
does seem to be a thematic thread running
through some of its 10
songs. It's a less autobiographical album than
Beauty and Crime, but
maintains
that
disc's
penchant
for concise
songcraft and diverse
musical backdrops. Not
being familiar with the
Queen of Pentacles mysel£
I asked Vega-who,
incidentally, is one of the
nicest, most unpretentious people you'll ever
meet-to
give me the
lowdown on this mystery lady.
"She's a mythic archetype ... from the Tarot
deck;' Vega replies. "People keep asking me that, like she's a real person. Like I'm gonna
tell them [it's] my aunt, you know?" she laughs. "[But] the archetype comes from the Tarot ... The Pentacles is the realm of
wealth, the body, and the material world. So at her best, she's a
nurturing, giving figure. But at her worst, she's kind of materialistic. The Fool is like the opposite of the Queen of Pentacles.
The Queen of Pentacles in the song is this greedy figure who
just thinks about herself and her stuff. And The Fool is this free
person who has all his belongings in a little bag and wanders
the world. It's a fun prism to look at life through:"'Fool's Complaint;' the second song on Tales, is one of the more traditionally
THE L LI
Vega-esque tracks on the album-concise
and poetic.
The song that follows it, however, is pure rock 'n' roll. "I Never
Wear White" is still poetic-but
this time the poetry is married
more to hard rock than to folk rock, and Vega pulls it off beautifully.
"It really did come from looking at my closet every day, trying to
figure out what to wear;' she says when I ask her about the song's
genesis. "And most of the time it is black. Over the years, I've noticed that there's an attitude inherent in wearing black, which you
don't always realize until you leave New York and other people
respond in a certain way. About 10 years ago, my daughter and I
were on vacation. She was about 9 at the time and she said, 'Mom!
Why are you wearing all black?' And I went, 'Well, you know, because I'm from New York.
It's what I feel comfortable
in: And she's like, 'Yeah, but
we're at the beach!' And we
were! We were on a beach
in Mexico. And my daughter [said], 'You look so
emo!' And she didn't mean
it in a good way:'
Another interesting tune
from Tales is "Don't Uncork
What You Can't Contain:'
Though her music has
been sampled many times
over the years-notably
by the British duo DNA,
who turned her a cappella
song "Tom's Diner" into a
fluke hip-hop smash-this
marks the first time in her
career that Vega has sampled someone else. In this
case, she works in a subtle
sample of the 50 Cent hit
"Candy Shop:' At first glance, it may seem strange that Suzanne
Vega is sampling a hip-hop artist who was shot nine times
at close range. But it makes more sense than you might think.
"The end results are kind of different;' Vega admits. "I mean, I
chose to use the guitar to express my ideas. But I feel that there's
a kind of resonance between what I do and the hip-hop world.
There's a few people who get that. Certain rappers were saying
that the rhythms in the words, from especially [my] first album,
were something that resonated. [And] honestly, when I listen to
some of Dylan's work from 1964, I hear the hip-hop rhythms in
the flow of the words:' Skeptics are advised to go to her website
JUNE 2014
CURVE
45
and check out the poem "Written After·a
Triumphant Fight;' whi_ch<Waspennell by
a 13~year~old Vega after ·sne oeat up a boy
named Tony Washington.
Vega--=-who cites her mother, Pat, and
the late Laura Nyro as two of her main
influ~nces_:_has written eloquently about
women throµghout he~ career. In addition
~o discussing her newer material, I had
the (hance to chat with her about some
of the best songs from her back catalog.
Longtime fans will no doubt remember
"Neighborhood
Girls;' the final track
from her selrtided debut, which was
ahout local prostitutes.
• • "That was ·kind of an odd song;' she re~
inembers:"I was on the number 1 train~
going·to work, and I think I o'verheard t~at
whole first verse. I overheard somebody
say that on the train! I thought, 'That's a
weird thing to say: I sort of kept it with
-me, and when I got ·to work, I wrote it
down. And eventually I decided to flesh it
our--iri.my mind and ir_naginewhat the rest
of that conversation could have been like:'
I also asked Vega about "Stockings;' a
mysterious, seemingly Sapphic love song
from her 1996 album Nine Objects of
Desire."That one was based on a wom~n·
.who showed me the line of her stockings,"
she says. "In the '80s, we went through •
this phase where you could wear these
sort of garter~less ;tockings. And this
woman who -was on .a photo shoot, she
kind of hiked up .her skirt. arid showed
me her stockings. She was very attractiv~
and there was kind of a flirtation th~re.
It never led to anything-nor
have any
of my other flirtations with women. 1~m
pretty straight. B.ut it was a ·moment that
was worthy of noting.
''At the time I wrote the song,) was
married,'.: she continues with a laugh: "So
you qn imagine that raised some eye~
• brows, especially with my then~husband!"
(suzan,nevega.com) •
Climbing PoeTree• Crystal Bowersox • Elvira Kurt
Toshi Reagon and BIGLovely • Leslie & the Ly's
Hunter Valentine • MazzMuse • Beverly McClellan
Melissa Ferrick • Shelley Nicole's blaKbushe
Marcelle Davies-Lashley• Bitch • Krudas Cubensi
Skip The Needle • Linda Tillery & Barbara Higbie
Cocomama • Ubaka Hill • Slanty Eyed Mama
Xoe Wise • Chix Lix • Sandra Valls • Dana Eagle
Medusa • Baskery • Ruth Barrett • Aleah Long
Karen Williams • Dance Brigade • Cheryl Wheeler
Staceyann Chin • Cris Williamson
michfest.com
WWTMC•Box 22 •Walhalla •Michigan •49458
231. 757 .4766 • facebook.com/michfest
TURES/COVER
STORY
Why everyone is following this prison dramedy.
BY TIFFANY LOWANA
range Is The New B/acksure, it's a catchy title. But I
almost didn't give the series
a chance, even though I
knew that it blew away the
other Netflix original series,
the star-studded House of
Cards and Arrested Development,
with its built-in fan base. Not only
were critics not criticizing it, they
seemed to be rabid about this
series. Suspicion clawed: How could
anything be that good?
48
CURVE
JUNE
2014
After committing to watch a single episode, I pulled an allnighter and, in a deliciously moreish trance, wat:chid all 13
episodes back-to-back. A skeletal backdrop for th<>se,,~f youanyone?-who have so far missed out: The series is basedon Piper
Kerman's memoir of the same name. Season one, all~f:~ch was
released on July 11 last year in one hit, takes us into
, dogeat-dog world of prison, where the lights are n
letely
switched off. Piper Chapman enters medium-sec
hfield
Penitentiary, leaving behind her fiance, Larry; herb
lifestyle; and her ultra-bougie soap-making busin
to be in Barneys!" She's serving 15 months for ad
related crime committed with her former lover..
is a lesbian. Not long after she's in there, Alex
her:
"Maybe this is a bad time to say hi:'
As the sun came up, I had just one question·
have to wait to see season two? Fortui1ately th
over,
season two premieres on
x on June 6.
Now, I've h~ tny sugary fixes of lesbian
but
somethitrg about this show was different. In£
rent.
TUREstCOVER
STORY
Lea DeLaria, who plays Big Boo, says, "Yep, the show is
surreptitiously feminist ... ! think it says a lot for our show that
teenage boys want to have their picture taken with me. I think that's
an amazing step, not just for women, and not just for lesbians, but
for butches. Even fat women. It's reaching a group of people that we
would never have been able to reach before:'
DeLaria also says it has pried open some much~needed
conversation on what's happening in women's prisons. "We feel
for Alex;' she says. 'J\.nd I think a lot of people have that relating
experience to Piper:' OITNB humanizes prisoners who are usually
demonized. These women are not their crimes. Through flashbacks
we see their stories, which are often saturated with mental health
issues, drug issues, and homelessness. While never excusing their
crimes, OITNB does present them in context. If you'd had another
upbringing, in another set of circumstances, if you'd taken a fatal
wrong turn, could you have been one of these women?
to Litchfield, as does Lorraine Toussaint.
Toussaint will play Vee, the steely leader
of a drug ring that uses children as "run~
ners"-yep, Vee's going to be controversial.
Cryptically, (but we'll take it), Kohan has
said, "I think Piper survives by her behavior,
and I think there were consequences to her
behavior:' If there is a season three-and
why wouldn't there be?-it will follow the
guards' stories.
But will Piper and Alex wind up in a re~
lationship? What happens to Piper and
Pennsatucky after the cliffhanger of all
cliffhangers? And what the hell is with that
chicken?
On why it's off-the~charts successful, DeLaria says,"My business
head is going,'Because they dropped all the episodes at once-that's
new: But it also shows how starved people have been for something
like this. And we're dramedy. It's hands~down fucking hilarious:'
It's also a show that isnt afraid to really go there. Creator Jenji
Kohan, the wild virtuoso behind Weeds, isn't afraid to give her char~
acters exactly what they need to say. Pornstache hisses at born~again
fundamentalist Pennsatucky,"I want to fuck Jesus in his hand~hole:'
SMOULDERING.
INKED.
BADASS.
~~vou
wantto
know
what's
really
different
about
0/TNB?"
Delariaasks.
It's··aproject
withso
many
women,
somany
important
roles,
somany
ofthemlesbians.
And
when
you've
beeninthe
business
aslongasI've
beeninthebusiness,
business
isrunbymen."
As for season two teasers? I really tried, and this much I did find
out: It will be less Piper~centric-Taystee and a Crazy Eyes have
been upgraded to series regulars; the focus will widen to include
Morello, Sister Ingalls, Poussey, and Miss Rosa. Lori Petty comes
50
CURVE
JUNE
2014
She of the jet~lined, unnerving eyes and the
maverick rockabilly hotness: Alex Vause.
When fans thought she wasn't coming back
for season two, their uproar found its way
across every media platform. Laura Prepon,
who plays Alex, says,"It was really flattering. I
wanted to be there for season two ... but there
was a scheduling conflict:' (Exhale: Prepon
managed to work it so that she is, in fact, in
most of season two.)
And it was hard to miss those caustic ru~
mors about why she might not have been
back at all. Did it bother her that the rumors
were about Scientology being anti~queer?
She laughs hard before she answers, "Well,
that's a bold question! I mean, yeah, it did
bother me, because it's not true. You know, I
portray a lesbian on camera. I'm a huge sup~
porter of the LGBT community, I've done
work in L.A. for equality, so when I hear these
rumors, it's pretty ridiculous. Apparently, I'm
dating Tom Cruise-and I've never even met
the guy:' [At press time, rumors had resur~
faced that Cruise and Prepon were dating.]
Alex is a drug lord to her mule and muse,
Piper. Even so, Prepon loves Alex. "She's such
a badass, you know what I mean? I do think
she's a good person, but she's also cutthroat and does what she
needs to do to survive, because that's what she has done her whole
life. Alex is also very real and very vulnerable. Piper totally broke
her heart, so there are many things in Alex that I can relate to:'
Bare~skinned Prepon even has tattoo envy.
Prepon may be straight, but says OITNB has really shown her
that, basically, chemistry is chemistry. "I have acted with men I
have no chemistry with. With Taylor [Schilling], our chemistry
was instant and awesome. I mean, I've never portrayed a lesbian
on camera, so I was a little nervous, but I think the scenes turned
out really, really well because, at the end of the day, it's about the
love between these two people:'
JUNE
2014
CURVE
51
TURES/COVER
Now to one of the more relentless questions: Does she want
Alex and Piper to be together? "They have a bond at a level that's
above what most people have. It's really tumultuous. It's definitely
sometimes a crazy love... they screw each other over all the time,
you know? I mean, personally, I do think that they are the love of
each other's life, so hopefully it works out!" Really? Are you kindofnot-exactly telling us something? I can almost hear Alex's husky
laugh, and see that imperceptibly cocked eyebrow. "I can't say!" It's
hard to imagine her auditioning for Piper.
More than once, the 34-year-old Prepon (most recognized as
Donna from That '70s Show), has walked onto the OITNB set,
read her script, and thought, Oh god, I can't believe I have to do
that! "There were a lot of those days. When I read that Taylor and
I start dancing, and then Big Boo and Crazy Eyes start 'daggering,'
you're like, 'What is daggering?' And then you look it up and find
out it's this crazy Caribbean dance incorporating frantic, dry sex,
and you're like, 'OK, today we're daggering'! Or when Taylor and I
have sex in a church. It's incredible. It's great:'
The actor has a friend whose 85-year-old grandmother is hooked
on the show. The diversity of the audience is staggering. 'J\nd a lot
of lesbians support the show. I've gotten many proposals in recent
months!" she laughs. "It's hilarious:' Hilarious? Yes. Surprising? No.
like jumping into cold water:' The sex scenes with Prepon, however, didn't faze her. "She's so wonderful. And we're really quite
close. Yeah, it was easy:'
Piper's character arc is arresting. The white, middle-class Smith
graduate bumbles her way into prison armed with naivety and
judgmental-albeit
at times subconscious-side-glances.
Piper's
prattling mother reassures her, "You're nothing like any of these
women:' Piper says, 'Tm no different from anybody else in here.
I made bad choices. I committed a crime, and being in here is
no one's fault but my own:' With trademark OITNB humor, her
mother insists, "Darling, you were a debutante:'
Kohan's writing uses humor to approach a lot of dark subject
matter. Schilling says, "I think that's how we really experience
life. I think there's an element of [the idea that] it's never just one
thing. You know, there's laughing at a funeral, there's giggling in a
church. That's how we process things:'
Schilling has had a character arc of her own. "Yeah, the show's
changed my views in a lot of ways:' Giving her a greater understanding of classism and racism? "Yeah. It's opened my eyes to issues I didn't know were there. And from what I've heard, it seems
like it really captures women's relationships with one another
in prison very beautifully:' Speaking of women's relationships,
Schilling says the women on set are "like my sisters now:'
So what does she think about the idea of Piper and Alex ending up together?"Umm ... yeah. I'd like to see the story go wherever the story is meant to be. I think that they have a pretty special
connection, for sure:' Then Schilling teases us with this: "Season
2 is going to be even richer than the last one:'
OITNB has hurled Schilling into the limelight like never before.
She was nominated for a Golden Globe alongside acting heavy-
~~,r
STHE
TRUTH
THATS
GONNA
MAKE
YOU
HER
BITCH."
"The first time I took my clothes off I was quite scared;' says
Taylor Schilling, the magnetic 29-year-old who nailed leading
lady Piper Chapman. "But it was what the story called for. It was
52
CURVE
JUNE 2014
weight Robin Wright. A House of Cards fan, Schilling says, "It was
surreal. So amazing. I just respect her so much, so it was really fun
to have that experience:' Similarly, being directed by Jodie Foster
(who is back for season two!) was "really, really special. I had an
incredible time with her:' Before the meteoric success of OITNB,
Schilling was seen in the films Argo and The Lucky One.
Was she shocked when she read the last scene of season oner
"No. By the time we got to that part in the story, it made sense to
me:' As she undergoes the slow belljar suffocation of prison life,
does Piper even recognize herself at this point? "I think, in a way,
she's more herself than she's ever been:'
Schilling thinks that she and Piper share "a resiliency:' Has she
ever been in a situation like Piper's, where her life has needed a
sharp 360~degree turn to move forward? "Thankfully, yeah ...
[when] it can't be done the way it was done in the past, you have
to look at your life with fresh eyes. Those moments, I think, are
precious. Those moments are when life truly happens:'
ABUTCH,
HER
DOG,
AND
ASCREWDRIVER.
Jenji Kohan couldn't find a role for Lea DeLaria in Orange Is The
New Black, so she wrote one."I am Big Boo!" DeLaria says. The jazz
musician was also the first openly gay comic to "break the late~night
talk show barrier" by declaring, 'Tm a biiig dyke!" on The Arsenio
Hall Show in 1993. Big Boo is a resplendent three~dimensional
butch. "I think that's a first for TV. I can't think of any positive
butch portrayals done by any television show ... That's what is re~
ally great-there are a million firsts in our show:' Radically, it is the
first~ever women~in~prison narrative to have a transgender woman
played by a real transgender woman. And an African American at
JUNE
2014
CURVE
53
they're coming to see me. But in the street, in bars?44? That was
just me being an asshole. It's Jason Biggs-he encourages me to
be an asshole. But it's definitely in that vicinity:' And for whatev~
er reason-perhaps
that it's so bracing to see women of all ages,
sizes, races, and sexual orientations on the same show-a
lot
of the women chasing her with screwdrivers are straight. 'Tm
particularly thrilled when it's straight girls.
"You want to know what's really different about OITNB?"
DeLaria asks. It's "a project with so many women, so many im~
portant roles, so many of them lesbians. And when you've been
in the business as long as I've been in the business, business is
run by men:'
DeLaria even met her girlfriend, Chelsea Fairless, through
Orange."Emma Myles introduced us:' (Myles plays Pennsatucky's
demure sidekick, Leanne, all meth~stained teeth.) With the dash~
''Ohc'mon!
TheL Word
wasn't
real.
..being
real-authentic-is
veryimportant
toourshow
...
Wearethose
people."
that."Yeah, Laverne [Cox] is the shit:'
It's not quite The L Word, is it? "Oh c'mon! The L Word wasn't
reaL.being real- authentic-is
very important to our show.
That's why you have people like me and Laverne playing the roles:
We are those people:'
DeLaria has been arrested several times. Before she fesses up, I've
already guessed her crime."If you get to my age [55] and have been
politically active for as long as I have, and have not been arrested
at least a couple of times [for protesting], there's something wrong
with you!"
Now, I'd be lax if I didn't mention Big Boo's moment of glory.
We'll never look at screwdrivers in quite the same way again.
DeLaria breaks into a roaring laugh. "I've said I have signed
44 screwdrivers. I'm gonna say it's close to that, because in the
beginning it was nonstop. At my shows, I get it-they
know
54
CURVE
JUNE 2014
ing seduction of the quintessential butch, DeLaria convinced
Fairless that she was wrong: that there are, in fact, still butches in
the world. Testament to this is DeLaria's tattoo."BUTCH"blazes
right down the length of her arm.
What would DeLaria like to see happen for Big Boo? "I
would like Big Boo not to die, and to never be released from
prison:' It's just too much fun. There are so many bloopers with
her lab, Little Boo-"She's just a puppy!" But, "I wish you guys
could see the outtakes of what Crazy Eyes did when she was on
top of me, after I did the big sex dance show. What they didn't
put in was her pantomiming a Dirty Sanchez and a Cleveland
Steamer:' (Um, for the unacquainted, those are sexual fetishes
involving feces.) "It was unbelievable:'
Yep, unbelievable is right. The whole whirling OITNB vortex is
enough to make any lesbian want a drink. Screwdriver, anyone? •
LOVEISALLYOUNEED
Jenny and Julia Sundari share the romance of a lifetime.
BY RACHEL SHATTO
T
wo people see each
other, have an instant
connection, fall madly
in love, then outside
forces tear them apart-only
to be drawn by even greater
force back into each other's
arms to live happily ever.
Sounds like a fairy tale, right?
Well sometimes, it seems,
fairy tales do come true, as
Jenny and Julia Sundari, a
couple from Boston, know
from personal experience.
They caught Curve's eye
when a photo of the couple
kissing in the rain went viral.
We just had to know who
they were, how they found
one another, and the story
they shared.
How did you first meet?
Jenny:Julia and I first met in eighth grade.
I remember thinking how beautiful and
happy she was. She was always smiling
and had this great laugh. I just knew I
liked being around her. In ninth grade
we were inseparable. We were totally in
love all throughout high school and kept
it a secret because we knew no one would
understand at that time. And both our
families would think it was wrong. At one
point, Julia's family found out and tried to
keep us apart. High school was tragic for
us because we were so in love yet felt we
could not be together. We graduated from
high school with broken hearts knowing
we would not see one another again.
Julia:Jenny was my first kiss and my first
true love.
Jenny:Many, many years later I found Julia
on Facebook. I was married with kids and
always wondered about her. She was also
married with kids. I was very unhappy
56
CURVE
JUNE
2014
and just unfulfilled in my marriage. At
that point I was just hoping to be her
friend and reconnect. However, that all
changed when we began emailing one
another. We still had this great connec~
tion. And when I saw her again for the
first time in 18 years I was still attracted
to her ... I was blown away at how much I
was drawn to her.
Julia:When Jenny found me after all of
those years I felt like, Finally! I was so
drawn to her and thankful to have her
back in my life in any way. It was clear very
quickly that we would not be able to just
remain friends.
Was it love at first sight?
Jenny:When I saw her again after 18
years, yes! Yes!
Julia:It was 100 percent love at first sight
and each time I see her after being away,
even for a few hours, I feel that same pull
to Jenny. Like no other person on earth.
When did you know that she was
"the one"?
Jenny:I think I knew when we were email~
ing one another. I just knew there was an
unfinished relationship that was never
allowed to be because of the time in our
lives we were in high school. And we have
this amazing connection. Everyone sees
it-we just were meant to be together.
Julia:As soon as I heard her voice on the
telephone, after missing her for 20 years, I
was a goner. I see myself at my 100th
birthday party with her and all of our kids
and grandbabies.
When did you get married?
Julia:March 23, 2013 on Cape Cod, Mass.
But before then, just the two of us had a
romantic legal ceremony on the bridge in
Boston Common in December 2012.
Julia:Our legal ceremony was perfectly ro~
mantic, and all about our journey to one
another. It was in the pouring rain under
an umbrella, and I am so happy we shared
that moment. Our family wedding was
a big bash for family and friends, a great
ceremony with each daughter included,
then a great dance party and ceremony to
blend our family into one. Our daughters
danced all night and think it was the best
celebration ever.
Tell us about your family.
Jenny:Our family is a big one. Together
we have four healthy happy daughters. Our
friends and family call us the "Girl Gang":
Jenny and I, Sage 15, Ava and Fiona 8,
and Jura 5. We even have a female dog
named Lola. Our home is full of song,
and creativity, dress up, and even chaos at
times. It's a real family, and we have real
challenges, but we embark on this journey
together armed with love.
How did the photo of the two of
you in the rain come about?
Julia:Two of our high school friends gave
us a beautiful photo shoot as our relation~
ship was rekindled. I know how much
Jenny loves the rain, so I suggested we head
outside and try for a shot with that special
umbrella we got on a trip together. Tess [the
photographer] had the idea, and had just
given us that sign, feeling it was appropri~
ate to our love story. It was the last shot of
the day and she nailed it. It's such a great
image of our triumph to be together in
this lifetime. I love it.
What advice do you have for couples thinking of getting married
and starting a family?
Jenny:As Julia's dad put it: "Make sure
that is the person you wish to wake up to
every day, for the rest of your life:' Given
our bumpy road to one another, we
would advise living true to your heart,
and ignore other people's opinions about
what they think is best for you. Surround
your marriage and family with loving
supportive people to fortify your bond
and children.
Julia: We both feel tremendous joy in
finding one another again, and all the
struggle we have endured to be together
has been worth it. Love rules. •
THERE
IS ONLYONE
--.IN
HAPPINESS
LIFE
TO LOVE
ANDTOBE
LOVED-
IN HERSIGHTS
''I
A photographer gives Russian lesbians a new platform.
BY MELANIE BARKER
grew up with a very
limited view of what
a queer woman was,"
says Toronto-based
photographer Kristy
Boyce, who cites k.d. lang
as her first "lesbian imagery."
Boyce, who studied photojournalism at college and
interned with the Canadian
Department of Defence, has
worked and lived in different
countries including Africa.
She was inspired to start the photo
project What Dyke Looks Like not long
after she walked into the world's oldest
LGBT bookstore, Glad Day. "I looked at
the covers of their queer coffee table books.
Twelve sets of abs looked back. They did
find me one lesbian photo book that was
not hardcover, printed independently and
well over 20 years old:'
Boyce realized that culture is created by
the people in it and if she wanted to see
more lesbian imagery she would have to
make it hersel£ She wanted to show queer
women in positions of joy and power,
"exactly where they want to be, living their
lives as they want to live them, and not
apologizing for any of it:' The result was
58
CURVE
JUNE
2014
What Dyke Looks Like.
In protest of the anti~LGBT legislation
of Russia's president Putin, Boyce shot 35
portraits and video interviews. "One woman
in St. Petersburg called in sick to work
for two weeks to help organize shoots,
translate and teach me how to buy milk.
The LGBT people I photographed were
amazing and seemed to really think the
project was important and that the work
mattered. The people that didn't agree to
participate did so quite literally out of fear.
More men than women were afraid to par~
ticipate, which was surprising at first but
not when you think about who bears the
brunt of most gay bashings:'
Boyce encountered one "dicey" situation
where a Russian TV journalist wanted to
shoot an interview with her. "I met her
in a public place and something was just
off about her. Plus she said she was gay
but I didn't buy it somehow. Neither did
Masha, my new Russian bestie. We spoke
with the head of St. Petersburg's gay and
lesbian organization, Coming Out, and
she told us that news channels will do
an interview with LGBT people, then a
few minutes after the interview is done, a
group of homophobes will show up. Not
to mention, the interviews are edited to
make the activists look terrible, stupid or
like they agree with the new laws:'
So far, the What Dyke Looks Like pro}
ect has been featured on LGBT websites
and in magazines and Boyce hopes the
Russian portraits will be exhibited during
Toronto World Pride. 'Tm also building
out an interactive e~book where you can
flip though photos and watch videos of the
Russian participants share what life is like
for them in their own words:'
Boyce would also like to see an actual
hardcover coffee table book for our com~
munity. "Think Annie Liebovitz's Women;'
she says. "If I can fund it, I want to contin~
ue to expand internationally before I call
the project complete. The plan is to pho~
tograph women in countries that have no
or limited LGBT rights and/ or countries
that are getting worse. Uganda and India
are definitely in my sights:'•
Get Involved
w atdykelooksl1l<eco
ICEQUEEN
Why out Olympian Caitlin Cahow is hanging
up her skates.
BY LYNDSEY D'ARCANGELO
aitlin Cahow played
for Harvard University and the U.S.
women's national
ice hockey team in
the 2006 and 2010 winter
Olympics. However, her most
recent achievement was
serving as an openly gay U.S.
delegate for the Olympic
Games-Sochi 2014 this past
winter. Cahow shares her
experience in Sochi and why
she retired from hockey.
C
Describe playing on the U.S.
women's national team.
In 2006, I was a fresh-faced kid on the
team just starting college. And I was playing with women who, you know, were
mothers. They were all adults and they
knew what they were doing, in my eyes. So
I tried to soak it all in as much as I could
and learn from example. In 2010, I had a
much bigger role on the team. Vancouver
was so important for the game of women's
hockey. It was a turning point for the
world to really see what our game is like.
And I'm hoping that the media coverage
from Sochi will help push the needle forward even more.
What was it like to be at Sochi,
Russia as a delegate?
You still have that same understanding that you are there representing your
country. And for me it was so much more
specific this time because the president
had asked me to represent my country.
So there was a certain amount of weight
there. I was also able to really enjoy and
take in the Olympic experience, which is
something I didn't really feel I had the luxury to do as an athlete because I was so
focused on playing.
Why did you decide to
openly discuss your sexuality ahead of the 2014
Olympic Games?
You know, I never hid it and I
have done advocacy work on a
smaller level. So it wasn't as if
I was avoiding the media questions about it. As far as women's
hockey-we
have a very large
gay fan base and we don't recognize that enough. For me, being
open was the best possible way
to do that.
What did you feel that you
could contribute as an
openly gay delegate?
This was by far the most noteworthy presidential delegation to anything in recent
memory. So number one, there's media
coverage and accessibility. We answered everything that came our way. Putting the dialogue out there [in the face of controversy]
is exactly what we were trying to do-make
universal human rights, not just LGBT
rights, the focal point of what the Olympic movement actually stands for.
You retired from hockey due to a
series of concussions. Was it
hard to walk away?
As
someone
who
1s perfectly
capable of still playing, and who could
have played in the Sochi Olympic
Games, it was incredibly difficult to
walk away from the sport. But just coming back and being a functional adult,
and be able to appreciate my life was
such a significant accomplishment for
me that the best decision for me was to
walk away. I am a living example of how to
close one door and walk through another,
even if it's scary.
CAITLIN CAHOW AT CW3PR'S ANNUAL "GOLD
MEETS GOLDEN" GLOBES EVENT, BEVERLY HILTON
/ PHOTO COURTESY CW3PR
You're only 28 years old. What's went to law school at Boston College
next for you?
while competing on the national team.
I felt sorry for myself for a hot second. But Right now, I'm on a different track and
I've had some great opportunities-I
was jumping two feet into a new life and a
a hockey player, I have a Harvard degree, I new profession. •
JUNE
2014
CURVE
59
No one refused us service, but we still had
to face down that moment of vulnerability
with every detail of the planning.
Most Empowering Day of My Life
MYLESBIAN
WEDDING
BY REBECCA HOLLIMAN
ne chilly December day in 2011,
my wife and I
were married in
a courthouse in
Washington,D.C.My sister
took pictures and Kate(my
close friend since we built
a Hogwarts castle together
in the third grade) was our
witness.We said the words,
exchanged the rings,and
signed the paper that promised we would stick out a
life together.
0
The District of Columbia considered us
married. The rest of the world had trouble
seeing us this way, because we never gave
them the chance. Though a quiet courthouse wedding is legitimate, and can be
romantic, a big wedding-where you gather
your community and announce your
love-is a different experience. So, a year
and a half later, we threw ourselves a big
wedding in our home state of California.
We had the white dresses, a romantic
venue, and nearly 100 guests. It was scary
as hell to put ourselves out there but our
courage was rewarded tenfold by the love
60
CURVE
JUNE
2014
and support that flowed from our community.
Fear of Rejection
When the invitations went out, I was nervous. I was very aware that my wife and I
represent a lifestyle that is not acceptable
to some of our family. It is one thing to
ask for tolerance, but actually having a
traditional wedding seemed like it might
be pushing that tolerance too far. But
by isolating ourselves from possible rejection we were also isolating ourselves
from other peoples' approval. Some relatives politely declined our invitation, but
the vast majority were delighted that we
were finally letting them celebrate with
us. Some family members even attended
despite their personal objections-and
came to me in tears the next day, saying
that the wedding moved them to rethink
their earlier beliefs.
Coming Out ...Again and Again
One of the scariest things about hosting
this kind of a wedding was having to come
out so many times. Potential vendors
assumed that the cute woman at my side
was my maid of honor, not the second
bride. Consequently, every time we interviewed a new vendor, we had to repeat an
awkward conversation: "No, this is a lesbian
wedding. Do you do lesbian weddings?"
I did not realize how much it would mean
to me to have my loved ones publicly affirm
my marriage. Watching the lengths to
which people went to give us a special day,
and listening to their expressions of love
and support, helped me realize that I am
not a source of quiet embarrassment to my
family, but that they are proud of me and
of my wife, and they are thrilled that we
have found each other.
Books for Brides
The Lesbian Couple's Guide to Wedding
Planning by Bernadette Coveney Smith
will get you started. It contains good advice about how to navigate the challenges
ahead and how to conquer the stigma
of a lesbian wedding. The Transgender
Tips are a unique feature of this book.
The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian
Weddings by Tess Ayers and Paul Brown
offers 272 pages of wedding planning
advice and takes you through every detail
of engagement, wedding, and "ever after;'
and will be your best friend if you plan
to skip having an actual wedding planner.
7 Helpful Wedding Hints:
} Come out to vendors early.
} Asking your parents to get involved in
the planning may help them to accept
the idea of a lesbian wedding.
} Forget traditional gender roles: "Bridesmaids" can wear pantsuits and "groomsmen" can wear dresses.
} Invite family members who don't support lesbian weddings-your
wedding
may change some of their minds. Mine
did!
} It is your wedding: Do what makes
the two of you happy.
} Start an open discussion with your
guests: In our wedding program we included answers to common questions
about lesbian weddings.
} Wear what fits your style: According
to The Lesbian Couple'sGuide to Wedding Planning, 46 percent of lesbian
weddings have one dress, one suit; 42
percent have two dresses; and 12 percent have two suits. •
PRIDEA
Fi\MILYi\F~Fi\IR
Orlando's Outfest is an unforgettable week of fun,
sun, adventure and Pride.
BY WILLIAM NORTHUP
J
une may be the traditional month for Pride
events, but since you
can never have too
much of a good thing,
the Orlando area is going
to keep Pride going strong
into July with the kid-friendly
Family Outfest, July 1-7.This
week-long series of events
will bring LGBT families from
around the world together
for a tour of several of
Orlando's world famous
theme parks-and it ends
with a pool party at the local
Nickelodeon Suites Resort.
Many venues in the area, particularly
Disney, have a long history of encouraging
LGBT visitors, but the Family Outfest is
something new. At its various Orlando~
region parks, Disney has "never specifically
hosted LGBT events on their property;'
explains Family Outfest director Gabrielle
Shulruff. The famous Gay Days are more
tolerated by Disney than supported or
encouraged. This new series of events is
designed to add on to the already inclu~
sive culture in many resorts, by creating
events that aren't just tolerated but spe~
cifically created for LGBT families and
their children.
In addition to a warm and welcoming
atmosphere, Family Outfest promises to
be an unforgettable week of fun, sun and
adventure. The week opens with a Wel~
come Reception & Cocktail event-a
great place to meet other Family Outfest
families and make new friends. After that,
it's six days of non~stop amusement with
Disney's Animal Kingdom, Universal
Islands of Adventure, Fun Spot America,
Epcot, Disney's Magic Kingdom Park,
and more. There are also some grown~
ups only events like bowling at the Par~
ent's Night Out. And while the parents
are having fun the kids are safely at Nick
After Dark, an event full of games, activi~
ties and entertainment.
While you can't put a price on precious
memories, you can put a price tag on a
vacation and fortunately Family Outfest is
relatively wallet~friendly as well-visitors
save up to 50 percent on their stay at the
host hotel!
Gay Days began as something of a rad~
ical protest for us to be included in family~
friendly spaces. Now, Family Outfest
improves on that tradition by making it all
about our families. And with the efforts of
Converge Orlando Inc., the LGBT Con~
vention and Visitors Bureau for Central
Florida, Family Outfest is set to become
an annual event-and
that could truly
make Orlando the happiest place on earth.
(orlandogaytravel.com)
•
JUNE
2014
CURVE
61
space or political activism. But for others,
marriage wasn't a goal and blending in was
never something they wanted.
A more complicated change appears
to be happening at a generational level.
For some people, many of whom are un~
der 40, there's been a shift toward queer
identities and politics that are born of a
belief that gender and sexuality operate
on a spectrum that doesn't necessarily fit
into male/female or straight/ gay /bi par~
adigms. Others, still, prefer and believe
in the need to create spaces that are more
inclusive. Race, class, and ability can also
play a big role for many people in choosing
when and where to gather, both for those
who identify as lesbian and those who
identify otherwise.
Queer sensibilities and inclusive com~
munities seem to have extended out from
the activism of people fighting misogyny,
homophobia, and racism in the 1960s,
'70s, and '80s, including lesbians like Audre
Lorde, Gloria Anzaldua, and Adrienne
Rich, among countless others individuals
and collectives.
At the same time many others are still
drawn to and feel a strong need for spe~
cifically lesbian spaces. A number of sep~
aratist communities or "wimmin's lands"
remain in the U.S., and beyond separat~
ism, I've spoken with lesbians from their
20s into their 70s who worry that inclu~
sion often just ends up meaning that men,
particularly white men, end up in charge
or doing most of the talking.
So what spaces are there left for lesbians
and queer women:' What new spaces are
being created:' And are there ways to re~
solve some of the tensions between those
who feel that their history and culture is
being erased yet again and those who feel
they are following in the footsteps of the
lesbians who came before them by con~
tinuing to push boundaries around gender
and sexuality:'
These are some of the questions I'll
be looking at in a documentary project I
began shooting earlier this year titled The
Unknown Play Project. For the documen~
tary I'll be traveling with a small crew to a
handful of different cities across the U.S.
to create portraits of some of the spaces
that remain and also some that have just
begun. To learn more about the project
and where lesbian community exists today,
visit unknownplayproject.org and please
support the project if you can. •
THEVANISHING
Why are lesbian spaces disappearing?
BY ALEXIS CLEMENTS
n the past two years alone, many cities have seen their
last or only lesbian bar close up shop forever. If you
can believe it, London, England, only had one, Candy
Bar,and it closed late last year. At the end of last summer, Philadelphia lost its well-known, multi-floor bar,
Sisters, after losing the less well-known Roy's Comfort Zone
the year previous. And early this year it was announced that
The Palms, the nearly 50-year-old bar in West Hollywood,
was closing. More last call stories stretch from Portland,
Oregon, to Houston, to Chicago. And yet, Oklahoma City
keeps two lesbian bars up and running.
I
--~"----'
Why is it that
so many bars are
closing, while a
few have managed
to hang on:' And
what is the future
of other spaces where lesbians have fre~
quendy flocked, like feminist bookstores,
art galleries, music festivals, women's
colleges, and long~standing institutions
like the Lesbian Herstory Archives or the
WOW Cafe Theater:'
62
CURVE
JUNE
2014
There aren't clear~cut or easy answers to
the question of why so many spaces are
changing or closing. Part of it is definite~
ly economic, as it was for the nearly 90
feminist bookstores in the U.S. that have
closed in the past 20 years. In part it re~
lates to political changes. As legislation
gradually shifts to reduce LGBT discrim~
ination around things like marriage or
employment, it may be that many now
feel more integrated into the larger culture
and don't see as much need for separate
•
•
HINGISPOSSIBLE
America's fourth-largest city has a lesbian at the helm.
BY FIONA DAWSON
eing a big-city mayor is the best political job in
America," says Annise Parker-and as the mayor of
Houston, she should knowl Today, Parker is proud
to promote the city she runs as one of the most
affordable in America, combining a high quality of
life and a low cost of living. But she admits that as a young
girl she was not interested in politics, and grew up painfully shy. So how did it happen that this country girl from
rural Texas found the courage to come out as a lesbian
when she was still a teenager, and ended up leading the
fourth-largest city in the United States? The day after her
third and final consecutive re-election to office, I sat down
with Parker in City Hall to find out.
B
"When I was a little girl, I was the kid
who could not speak in class but hid behind
her mom. I literally decided as a high school
student that I needed to get over my social
shyness in order to have any hope of having a
career path in the future, and so I consciously
and deliberately set about putting myself in
positions where I had to learn how to speak
to people:'
In 1971, when Parker was 15, her family
moved from Texas to Germany, and there
she volunteered as a Red Cross candy striper.
"What was that like:"'I ask. "It was misera~
ble;' she laughs. "I was expected to volunteer.
My parents and grandparents really were
JUNE
2014
CURVE
63
committed volunteers through the church
and community organizations. I actually
took the candy striper position specifically.
I've learned how to pretend I'm not an
introvert by putting myself in positions
where I just had to sink or swim, including
my candy striper position. I was the adult
in charge, so headed up the group. This
meant I had to do all the scheduling-talk
to the different clinics, to the doctors, and
schedule the volunteers. I wasn't very good
at it, but it forced me to engage and talk
to people:'
Parker has consistently pushed herself
from then on. "I was not great but I was
an athlete, and I did track in high school,
I played varsity softball when I was in
college, so sports certainly helped. I also
continued my pattern of finding jobs as a
college student that forced me out of my
comfort zone. And what I have discovered
now, as an adult, is that each time I've had
a really big step forward in my career, it's
because I just went for it. I stepped out
into clear air. A bird learns how to fly by
first standing on the edge of the nest and
flapping their wings. But at some point
they have to step out into clear air and
hope that it works before they hit the
ground. I think a lot of us will never take
64
CURVE
JUNE
2014
that big leap of faith. But it's made all the
difference in my life:'
It was facing her fears, and the depths
of her own misery, that forced Parker
to bounce back. She acknowledges that
coming out as gay in the 1960s, with no
one to talk to, led to some self-destructive
behaviors. Today, Parker emphasizes the
importance of mentorship and being a
role model. "It's important for successful adult women in particular to talk to
young girls. You know, there are so many
high-achieving women who were once
anorexic or bulimic, or who were cutters
or did various self destructive activities. I
was seeing myself heading a certain way
and I gave myself a lifeline:'
In college, Parker threw herself into
student leadership activities, became a
public speaker representing the LGBT
community, and supported local political
candidates as a volunteer, without intending to run for office hersel£ After 20
years of work in the oil and gas industry,
Parker discovered that with all the issues
she really cared about she could "make a
bigger difference by being in office:' She
lost her first two races but finally won
on her third attempt, in 1997, becoming
Houston's first openly gay elected official,
and she hasn't looked back
since. Following six years as
a member of the city council
and six years as the city controller, Parker ran for mayor
in 2009. It was a highly competitive race, reflective of the
diversity of the city-with
two strong Democratic men
(an African American and
an affiuent Caucasian) and
one male Hispanic Republican running against her.
Parker won in a run-off.
How did Houston, Texas, elect a lesbian mayor
four years before Christine
Quinn's attempt failed in
New York City? Parker explains, "There is still a glass
ceiling for women in CEO
positions. We are judged
more harshly than men, and
we are harder on ourselves
to put ourselves in that position. One of my benefits
was that I had been elected multiple times, as has
Quinn-but
all my elections were citywide, and Quinn had represented a district,
but when she jumped into the mayor's race
she was the automatic front-runner, and
had a huge target painted on her. I was the
dark horse candidate ... I've benefited from
everybody believing that there was no way
I could win. It allowed me to run my own
campaign. While I was always considered
a serious, competitive candidate, there's a
difference in the way you are viewed:'
Parker will term out in 2015, having
served as mayor for six years, and it's hard
to imagine what's next on her agenda. ''As
mayor, I'm the CEO of a 5 billion dollar
corporation with 21,000 employees. I'm
not interested in being a member of Congress ... I want to run something. I'd like
the opportunity to serve the state of Texas,
but the right opportunity has to come
along. It's not just about being in politics. I
still don't like politics. It has to be an office
that interests me:'
I asked Parker, who pushed herself to
overcome her self-effacing childhood,
what would she tell her 6-year-old self. "I
would say what I said at my inauguration
four years ago, when I became mayor of
Houston;' she replied. ''And that is that the
pain is worth the reward:' •
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Oh, what
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YES,MRS.PRESIDENT
Sarah Kate Ellis brings lesbian leadership to GLAAD.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
arah Kate Ellis likes the vibrant pink wall in her corner
office. She inherited it, but somehow it complements her and sets the right tone: bright, feminine,
assertive. Tm still getting my sea legs," she notes
during our interview, even though since last fall,
when she started at GLAAD as its president and CEO, she
has had to hit the ground running, dealing with challenges
such as the explosion of social media, the Sochi Olympics,
Arizona's anti-LGBT bill, boycotts surrounding the New York
St. Patrick's Day parade, and an attempt by the Catholic
League to march in the New York City Pride parade. Add to
these the "backroom conversations where we're trying to
work with producers and executives to straighten some
situations out that are continually happening" and you have
a full day at the office. "I would go back home every night
and say, 'You just can't believe what happened at work today,
you just can't believe it. You can't even call it work-it's life.' "
S
Ellis, who has had a stellar career as a
media executive for Real Simple, InStyle,
and Vogue, was marching in last year's
New York Pride parade when she learned
that GLAAD, our media advocacy orga~
nization, lacked a full~time president. Her
appointment is welcome news to lesbians,
who realize all too well that our NGOs are
often manned, quite literally, by men. Will
she bring a lesbian voice to the organiza~
tion that shapes the public narratives of
the LGBT community?
''Absolutely;' asserts Ellis in a tone as
bright as the color of her office wall. "No
one lives in a vacuum. I would say to the
lesbian community: Please come join me,
I'm here. GLAAD is the voice of equality
and I want those women's voices included
and heard:'
Over the next six to nine months, she
will start initiatives that are focused on
bringing the lesbian community into the
fold. "There are so many strong, powerful
lesbians who are leading media organiza~
tions, who I think should have a signifi~
cant voice in what we're doing;' she says. "I
think that not having them in this mix is
a loss for the movement and a loss for the
LGBT community:'
Ellis describes herself as "somebody
who has ambition and drive, and is excited
66
CURVE
JUNE
2014
by seeing the fruits of her labor and seeing
what can be achieved:' While each work~
day for the married mother of two 5~year~
olds (Ellis's wife, Kristen Henderson, is
the lead guitarist for the band Antigone
Rising) has been rewarding and challeng~
ing, one of the biggest surprises has been
how much work there is to do. "There is
this perception [of] pack up your tents
and move back to your homes, the war's
won. It's enlightening to find out how
much distance we still have to go:'
While Ellis has high praise for her staff,
who "were able to get me up to speed, [and]
worked around the clock to do it;' she is
also keen to lead by example: "I believe in
authentic leadership. I believe you only do
your best work when you bring your whole
self to the office;' she says. "Once I decided
to start a family, I realized that this life I
was living was not my own anymore. I
was setting the example for my kids. If I
wasn't open and honest, how could I expect
them to be? [Coming out] wasn't an easy
decision, but once I made it I was, like,
'Let's write a book, let's kiss on the cover
of a magazine!'"
The book was Times Two: Two Women
in Love and the Happy Family They Made.
The magazine was Time, when it predicted
the repeal ofDOMA."That was surreal, it
still is;' she says of the cover, which depicted
her and Henderson kissing passionately.
"We thought we were just going in for an
interview. We weren't fully aware it was
going to turn into the cover. Once we got
to the shoot and they said, 'Would you be
comfortable kissing?' I thought, 'Really?'
And then I turned to my wife and said,
'Were married ... "'
When Ellis saw photos of the other
potential cover models, her competitive
instincts kicked in and she told her wife,
"Kris, we can win this, you just have to
kiss me like you love me:' She laughs. "It
was terrifying and exhilarating and free~
ing. I was concerned about backlash. I very
much think about the safety of my family
as well. I have to say, there are other things
that I've done where I've been more threat~
ened than that Time magazine cover:'
While Ellis is protective of her children
she includes them in her work, often men~
tioning them in press releases. 'Tm very
clear with them that I'm doing something
that's really important to our country and
our lives. At 5 they have as much under~
standing around that as they possibly can.
The other day I said to my daughter,'Honey, I
think you could be the first woman pres~
ident: And she looked at me and said,
'Mommy, you are the president:"•
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you to send us photos of your
furry, feathered and scaled family
members-and the response was
overwhelming. Overnight our
inboxes with filled to bursting with
squee-inducing emails. There were
dogs and cats of every breed, rats,
birds, bunnies, a sugar glider and
even a duo of monkeys! It was
clear that when it comes to our
chosen families, our critter companions are every bit as important
as the partners and friends we
choose to populate our lives with.
Here are some of our favorites, as
space allows. For even more pet
Pride go to curvemag.com.
S
ometimes a vacation is just a vacation. But sometimes it's a
chance to connect and to contemplate your place in the universe. It's a chance to be moved to engender change, to make
a difference. That's what happened when I ventured out on Olivia
Travel's Leadership and Equality Cruise, Feb.1-8, 2014.
The cruise took us across the Caribbean Sea, with stops at
Grand Turk, San Juan, St. Thomas, and Holland America's private Bahamian island, Half Moon Cay. Each stop was filled with
every possible kind of excursion, from zip-lining to snorkeling
to city tours to kayaking. Each stop was more gorgeous than the
next. But more than that, it was just incredibly empowering to be
out and loud and proud, with everyone around you supporting
your commitment to live authentically.
And because this was more than just a cruise, but a leadership
and equality conference as well, it featured an all-star array of special guests and speakers, including writer, poet, and activist Maya
Angelou; civil rights pioneer Edie Windsor; chair of the Democratic National Committee, Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz; president of Elizabeth Birch Company/Global Out, Elizabeth Birch;
and executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights,
Kate Kendall.
The cruise was also jam-packed with entertainment: Grammy
winners and political activists the Indigo Girls; actress Meredith
Baxter; comedians Gina Yashere, Linda Williams, and Vicki Shaw;
and the band Antigone Rising. My head was reeling from the moment we got on board.
The ship itsel£ Holland America's Westerdam, was gorgeous.
The theme nights, including White Night, Show Your Roots
(hometown pride), Sheros (female heroes), and Formal Night were
great fun. The dance floor, whether on the deck or at "Club O" in
the crow's nest of the ship, was always packed. The pool games, bingo,
the late-night dessert buffet, all of it was amazing. But it was the
panels and speakers that made this cruise so powerful and unique.
Maya Angelou was scheduled to be our keynote speaker, but a
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few days before embarkation, her doctor deemed her unfit to travel.
Olivia jumped into action and confirmed that she would appear via
satellite instead. It wasn't the same, but it sure was better than not
getting to see her at all.
"Welcome, my sisters, my daughters, my friends;' she began. It
was clear that she wasn't 100 percent, but she thrilled and delighted
us all, nonetheless. She called the ladies of Olivia "rainbows in the
clouds;' and sang to us: "When it look like the sun ain't gonna shine
any more, God put a rainbow in the clouds:'
She was gentle and strong and sweet. I couldn't help but cry
through most of it. I was an English major in college, with a focus
on black women's literature, and hearing her speak felt a lot like
coming home.
"Olivia is a rainbow in the clouds. In the worst of times, there is
a possibility of seeing light;' she told us again.
Angelou's presentation was like a glorious piece of performance
art-song and poetry, recitation and smart quips, and moments
of pure inspiration: "I never trust people who don't laugh:"'! am a
human being. Nothing human can be alien to me:' And, "Without
courage, you cannot be anything else consistently:' Toward the end
of her time with us, she had to be connected to her oxygen tank. "I
am a patient of COPD, so I need more oxygen than I can get. I have
to put this on. Please don't be alarmed;' she said."You are developing;'
she told us. "Thank you for being rainbows in the clouds:'
It was a powerful start to what turned out to be an incredibly
powerful and empowering week.
The first panel of the week was called ''Activism in Action:
The Importance of Creating Your Own Future Through Political Participation" and featured Rep. Wasserman Schultz; Aditi
Hardikar, director of the LGBT Leadership Council at the Democratic National Committee; and Claire Lucas, a senior advisor
for Public-Private Partnerships at USAID. Judy Dlugacz, Olivia's
president and founder, was the moderator.
Rep. Wasserman Schultz kicked off the panel with a rousing
FEATURES/
speech. "Being a woman before the Affordable Care Act was a
pre-existing condition;' she joked. The packed theater could not get
enough of her message, which included this advice: "Run for office:'
She was reminding us that there is still too much at stake that really
matters for any of us to sit on the sidelines any longer. We can move
the agenda forward in the fight for equality by pulling up a seat at
the table.
The panel concluded with Dlugacz inviting everyone to participate in a lesbian round table with First Lady Michelle Obama.
Though the gathering cost $10,000 a seat, many hands shot up in
the air when sign-up forms were offered. "Get involved;' Dlugacz implored. ''And let's do it together as lesbians. Let's do it
together as women:'
Another major panel of the week was "Global
Equality: A Discussion of LGBT Equality in Developing Countries:' The powerhouse presenters included Marcela Sanchez, an LGBT
activist in Colombia and the director of
Colombia Diversa, as well as Elizabeth Birch and Claire Lucas.
But the panel that left me
reeling was "LGBT Equality in
the United States: What Have We
Achieved This Year and What Is Next:'
The session was moderated by Kate Kendall and included panelists Edie Windsor, Col.
Grethe Cammermeyer, Kris Perry, and Sandy
Stier.
"We always ask the question 'Who is being left behind?' and we will leave no one behind;' Kate Kendall began.
"In 30-plus states, you can still be fired for being LGBT:'
Col. Cammermeyer shared her story of being discharged from
the military for saying she was a lesbian and then suing the government over it-and winning. "It made me pissed that they were
going to kick me out for something irrelevant;' Cammermeyer said,
adding jokingly, "I felt very alone because I was the only gay person
in the military. It wasn't about us, personally. It was about all of
us, our collective story. It was about everyone's story that has gone
untold:'
Kris Perry and Sandy Stier shared their story of agreeing to be
plaintiffs in the historic Prop. 8 case in California. "It was an honor
and a privilege, and very difficult to go through this process. Every
civil rights struggle begins with the people directly affected, who are
then joined by the people who care about them. Then the unlikely
TRA
allies show up. Ted Olson was a really unlikely ally.We're on opposite sides of everything else. I asked Ted, 'Why are you taking this
on?' And he said, 'Because I think this will be the most important
case of my career; at which point I anointed him an honorary lesbian;' Perry said.
"If it had been you, you would have done this too;' Perry continued, referring to her decision to play a leading role in the case. "We
go through so much. We don't know when our day will come. And
this was ours, and we thank you:'
"The most astounding thing to me is the ripple effect that has
happened as a result;' Cammermeyer said in response to Perry
and Stier's story. "Because of what you did, I can do it also:'
Then came the amazing Edie Windsor, who challenged DOMA after she was slammed with a six-figure estate tax bill when her wife, Thea (whom she
married in Canada), passed away and left her
an inheritance.
Edie Windsor, a small woman, was
dressed in pink oxford cloth, sandals,
and fitted jeans accessorized with
pearls and a wide leather belt.
Her personality and devotion to
the cause are as enormous as she is
tiny. ''America knows about fairness.
They don't know about queers. They don't
know about us. But they know about justice:'
Kendall concluded by asking the panelists what
they think the secret is to their sustained love.
"Patience, patience, patience;' Perry said.
"Laugh, laugh, laugh;' Stier offered
"Don't postpone joy-and keep it hot;' Windsor added, saying that those were the two mantras Thea lived by.
I was changed that week, seeing myself as part of the wave of
change; seeing myself as part of an incredible whole; seeing myself
as someone who could make a difference, if I heeded the words
of the powerful women who spoke that week: Stand together. Get
involved. Elect people who don't just care about the issues-elect
people who live the issues.
Olivia is all about feeling free, which I certainly did. But on this
cruise in particular, I also felt inspired, empowered, moved, and,
more than anything, lucky to be a member of the lesbian community. We may still be fighting, but we are fighting strong. And after
everything I heard and experienced on this trip, I know we're closer
than ever to everything that is rightfully ours.•
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H
ot and cheap! Houston is a place to fall in love with-a
place to leave knowing you want to come back someday
and call it home.
Houston exemplifies diversity and female power. Many strong
women have led the way in the Lone Star State, but the most prom~
inent one today is the mayor of Houston, Annise Parker, who is
now in her third term and has been an out lesbian for her entire
political career. Houston, where Parker has won nine consecutive
city elections, is the fourth~largest city in the United States-and
the most diverse in the nation. Because of its strong
economy, its job market, and its youthful resi~
dents, Forbesmagazine has named Houston
the Coolest City in America.
On a recent trip to the Bayou City I
got to discover some of the best that
Houston has to offer and found that
the biggest challenge was not to
miss a thing! Contrary to what you
might think, when you think of
Texas, Houston has a strong, di~
verse, and connected LGBT com~
munity. The city has an inclusive
website for visitors (mygayhous~
ton.com) featuring not only what
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to do in Houston, but the individuals and organizations that shape
and influence the community. The geographical hub is Montrose,
just a couple of miles west of downtown. But this sprawling me~
tropolis does not box anyone in. Gone are the days when same~sex
couples had to hide their identity and their feelings for each other.
Houston became progressive a long time ago! While the venues I
suggest have the lesbian traveler in mind, just know that Housto~
nians welcome everyone, everywhere.
Not only is there a woman on top in Houston, but the food
ranks high as well! OK, the city is struggling to combat
alarmingly high obesity rates, but it's not hard to
imagine why.
The culinary delights are simply to die
for! Houston's food scene has explod~
ed. Mayor Parker herself proclaims,
"Weve always had a huge range of
different food styles and restau~
rants because were such a diverse
city, and every new immigrant
group brings its own cooking
styles and ingredients:' When it
comes to dining options here, you
are literally spoiled for choice.
If keeping it in the family is
FEATURES/
your preference, you can't go wrong lunching within the bright,
fresh, and vibrant esthetic of Coppa Osteria, led by executive chef
Brandi Key. At night, a lusty candlelit dinner at Monica Pope's
Sparrow Bar + Cookshop is a winner. Pope is Houston's Lesbian
Chef-in-Chic£ having made a name for herself on the national
culinary stage. For the best barbecue in Houston, hands down,
eat at Beaver's, where Pope's fun drinks and smoked meats-and
tofu-are devoured in an enticingly warm and friendly realm.
Having once called Houston home, I was somewhat mournful
to learn that the longest-running lesbian bar, Chances, had closed
its doors. However, an incredible renovation using reclaimed
materials from around the city has turned Chances into chef Chris
Shepherd's divine restaurant experience-Underbelly.
With his
firsthand experience of the eclectic cultures of Houston, Shepherd has crafted a menu that reflects all that the city has to offer.
The menu changes often based on what he can get his hands on.
Although vegetarians are welcome, the chef prides himself on his
butcher shop at the back, where he transforms his passion into
culinary delights for carnivores.
For an evening of romance, I highly recommend dining at
Triniti, named for the triple godhead of restaurant lore: the
savory, the sweet, and spirits. Triniti's che£ Ryan Hildebrand, has
marshaled an award-winning team and serves seasonal, locally
sourced, mouth-watering dishes. The artistic intentions of the
restaurant-casual,
contemporary, yet elegant-are
reflected in
every bite of the food.
You will discover that each neighborhood in Houston has a
beautiful personality of its own. Rent a car and explore this sprawling
TRA
city-you'll be pleasantly surprised by the lush green of the treelined streets, by the city's distinctive architectural styles, and by the
ease with which the traffic flows. Just don't get caught speeding!
Houston has not traditionally been a biking city, but massive
changes are taking place, thanks in large part to Laura Spanjian,
Mayor Parker's director of the Office of Sustainability. Using the
bike share program Houston B-Cycle, you can enjoy the beautiful
ride from downtown, along Buffalo Bayou and into "The Heights;'
to fuel up at Revival Market. This locally sourced grocery, butcher
shop, and charcuterie is packed with fresh, flavorful, local produce,
artisan conserves, and many authentic Texas wares that serve as
excellent treats to take home. Among the shelves of hearty foods,
nestle in at a cafe table and make an organic start to the day.
Hop back on your B-Cycle and pedal up Heights Boulevard,
taking in the historic homes and enjoying leafy canopy, until you
hit 19th Street, a funky shopping hot spot. Here, boutiques and
antique shops will whisk you into another place and time, potentially burning a hole in your pocket as you go.
Depending on how much of an ambitious biker you are, either
keep pedaling or switch to a car as you go through Montrose and
into the treasure trove of the Museum District. If you have the time,
check out all 19 museums (houstonmuseumdistrict.org) but my
top three are the Asia Society Texas Center, the Buffalo Soldiers
National Museum, and the Rothko Chapel. Again, reflective of the
incredible diversity of Houston, The Asia Society Texas Center is
second only to the Asia Society in New York City. This stunning
contemporary structure was designed by the Japanese architect
Yoshio Taniguchi, best known in the U.S. for his renovation and
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2014
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expansion of the Museum of Modern Art in NYC. The Buf
falo Soldiers National Museum, although modest in setting, takes
you back to a time when women were banned from serving in the
armed forces and African Americans were segregated from whites.
Learning the story of the trailblazing African American woman
Cathay Williams, who in 1866 enlisted in the United States Army
posing as a man and using the pseudonym William Cathay, will
inspire you to forge ahead as bravely as she once did. Words to
describe the Rothko Chapel are hard to find, because it is a place
for self reflection. Surrounded by the murals of the painter Mark
Rothko, you are in a sanctuary where mind, body, and soul can
escape the pace of the world.
If you crave cultural arts, an evening of theater, ballet, symphony,
or opera awaits you downtown. Houston has a Theater District
second only to that of NYC in its concentration of seats in one
geographic area. If you do go into the Theater District, grab a cocktail at the OKRA Charity Saloon. This bar not only has a terrific
atmosphere, but all its profits go to charities voted on by its customers. With each drink, you get a token that you place in a bucket to
support one of the four organizations competing each month. It's
super fun and very cool!
Although there is a dynamic bar scene, like many major cities
Houston has a limited choice of lesbian joints. But Pearl Bar,
owned by Julie Mabry, has picked up where Chances left off and
has taken the women's social community to a whole new level.
The dark, sultry, cavernous interior with worn sofas and armchairs is brilliantly balanced with a huge outdoor patio adorned
with lights, where locals gather for weekly steak nights, live bands,
and a resident DJ.
Another bar that comes highly recommended is the Houston
LGBT staple Guava Lamp, where the bartenders were recent
winners in the city's annual Gayest and Greatest survey. The most
popular night to hit Guava Lamp is Wednesday for karaoke,
where folks from every point on the rainbow spectrum come to
belt out a tune.
Two-stepping at a proper country watering hole is necessary to
make your visit to Houston complete, so kick your way to Neon
Boots Dancehall and Saloon! Back in the day, this venue was known
74
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2014
as the Esquire Ballroom, and was home to Willie Nelson and Patsy
Cline. Today, as Neon Boots, it touts itself as "a more diverse kind
of country:' Although it is the largest LGBT country bar in Texas,
Neon Boots proudly welcomes and attracts a fully diverse crowd,
once again proving that Houston is home to everyone.
In and among this buzz of activity, knowing where to rest your
head at night is very important. If shopping is your thing, then the
Galleria area will be your haven, and there you will find plenty of
chain and boutique hotels. But I say give downtown a chance. The
very concept-historic
surroundings juxtaposed with modern
shops, eateries, and bars-is
appealing. Furthermore, having
Discovery Green, a 12-acre urban park, nearby means that you
are always just a gentle stroll away from a plethora of outdoor
activities. And on MetroRail, Houston's light rail line, the city center
is just minutes away from Reliant Stadium (very convenient during
rodeo season and major sporting events), making it easy for you to
experience firsthand the welcoming heart of this alluring city.
Within downtown, the historic and newly renovated Lancaster
Hotel is Houston's only small luxury hotel in the heart of the
Financial and Theater districts, and has been serving visitors
elegantly since 1920. The traditional furnishings are beautiful and
the staff exemplifies Southern hospitality.
On an even smaller scale, I had the good fortune to stay at La
Maison in Midtown, a new bed-and-breakfast where the owners,
Genora Boykins and Sharon Owens, are wonderful at making their
guests feel right at home. In fact, La Maison really does feel like a
Texas home, which helps you experience the city as a member of
the family rather than as a tourist. It's also a treat to have waffles
served to order, and to share friendly conversation with travelers
from all around the world.
And Houston can deliver that surprising international flair.
Angela Blanchard, president and CEO of Neighborhood Centers
Inc., the largest charitable organization in Texas, sums Houston
up best: "This city is not about visiting. It's about living. It is diverse,
affordable, and welcoming. In other words, have your fling with
New Orleans, San Francisco, Austin, New York City, and when
you get ready to make a life, come here and do what you do best.
We'll cheer for you when you succeed:' (visithouston.com) •
THIS UNDISCOVEREDCORNER OF NOVA SCOTIA, CANADA, PUTS
LESBIANTRAVELERSRIGHT AT HOME. I BYKELSYCHAUVIN
P
erched on the edge of the Atlantic Ocean just east of Main~,
Halifax feels like an undiscovered treasure. The Nova Scotia
capital's long maritime history is embedded in nearly every
corner of the city, along with its Acadian heritage-which long ago
wove French culture and language into the province's otherwise
British colonial history.
Today's Halifax creates its own fanfare, making it onto many a
hot-destination travel list thanks to its "uncharted" tourist appeal, its
lush terrain, and, of course, restaurants that will send seafood-lovers
into gastronomic ecstasy.
Queer travelers will find Halifax to be a welcoming city, one that
attracts visitors from around the world to its romantic waterfront,
historic downtown, and burgeoning hipster neighborhoods. (Bonus:
The now out-and-proud Ellen Page is from Halifax.)
But it's the annual 10-day Halifax Pride (halifaxpride.com) that
has come to define the city as a major hub of homo activity. Held
this year from July 17 to 27, Halifax's Pride Festival is the country's
fourth-largest, and locals are quick to note that it's the city's biggest
celebration. One local cabbie even surmised that the annual Pride
parade down Barrington Street draws more spectators than the
parade on Canada Day, the Canucks' Fourth of July.
It certainly feels big, considering that thousands of revelers come
out for a diverse series of rainbow-striped events. From talent shows,
tournaments, and sing-alongs, dance parties, cruises, and comedy,
to health and educational forums-the variety of both earnest and
playful programming at Halifax Pride will impress even the most
blase skeptics. The brightest and shiniest events are the Out Boating Evening Cruise through Halifax Harbour and the incredible
WetSpot closing-night dance party at Garrison Grounds, the city's
Central Park, where it feels like every lesbian within a thousand miles
has come to celebrate.
Speaking of lesbians, local gays theorize that the ladies way outnumber their gay brothers in Halifax. Judging strictly from Pride
gatherings, that notion feels spot-on-especially when you see scores
of women lined up around the block for parties at the Company
House (thecompanyhouse.ca) and Menz & Mollyz Bar (menzbar.
ca). Both of these hotspots are on Gottingen Street in the gay-centric
North End neighborhood.
JUNE
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"I definitely think there's a huge gay scene here;' says Halifax native
Kristin MacKenzie, 25."We have an almost underground feel to our
culture. It's not like Toronto, where there's an entire gay district-it's
more like a hidden gem, with locals knowing about things that maybe
tourists wouldn't, unless they ask. But there's a little something for
everyone. Halifax is making a name for itsel£'
MacKenzie came out at age 17, her homosexuality an utter non-issue thanks in part to the fact that her 67 -year-old grandmother took
the pressure off by coming out first. "I was so lucky to have such a
good experience;' MacKenzie says. "I don't have a story of struggle.
Obviously, my mom wouldn't reject me-her mother is gay!"
With several colleges in Halifax, the well-tattooed LGBT community is at home all over town. Hit the club Reflections (reflectionscabaret.com) for dancing, or kick back with coffee at Just Us Cafe
(justuscoffee.com), or AlterEgos at the Halifax Backpackers Hostel
(halifaxbackpackers.com/ ALTEREGOS.htm).
Excellent restaurants abound in Halifax. Among the best is Brooklyn Warehouse (brooklynwarehouse.ca), voted Best New Restaurant
by local alt weekly The Coast (thecoast.ca) in 2008, and now home to
farm-fresh seasonal ingredients dished with flavorful twists. For traditional seafood, head to the historic Five Fishermen (fivefishermen.
com) for all your lobster, oyster, and chowder needs. Bistro le Coq
(bistrocoq.ca) brought authentic Parisian fare to the city in 2012,
making good use of what's available locally,both surf and tur£
Seaside Beauty
LESBIAN LOBSTER-LOVERSWILL BE IN HEAVEN
ON PRINCE EDWARDISLAND. I BYKELSYCHAUVIN
T
he beauty and hospitality of Atlantic
Canada make it worthwhile to extend
your Halifax trip to include charming
Prince Edward Island-which, by the way, exports
so many millions of mussels, oysters, and lobsters
around the world that if you eat seafood, you've
probably already savored the flavor of PEL
A visit is as simple as booking a car rental
(try the Canadian chain Thrifty.com), taking a
90-minute scenic drive from Halifax to the Caribou Ferry Terminal (ferries.ca), and crossing
the Northumberland Strait into Woods Island,
PEL Head to lovely Charlottetown, the capital,
which this year celebrates the 150th anniversary
of the historic 1864 conference that led to Canadian Confederation. This sesquicentennial brings
celebrations, festivals, and events all year; check
PEI2014.com for the latest.
PEI by summer is an outdoor wonderland for
many Canadian vacationers, some renting cottages
or camping in the lush provincial parks-some
beachside, some woodsy-or
lodging at picturesque B&Bs such as North Rustico's new revolving
inn, Around the Sea (aroundthesea.ca). Delightful
local libations are easily found, such as the PEI
Brewing Company (peibrewingcompany.com), and
the lesbian-owned PEI Distillery (princeedwarddistillery.com), which makes wild blueberry vodka
and other award-winning spirits.
And while PEI boasts that famous Canadian
gay-friendliness year-round, never is the rainbow
welcome greater than at Pride PEI (pride-pei.
com), this year held from July 24-Aug. 2. Lobsters,
lesbians, Canada-how can you go wrong?
HALIFAX
HOSTS
THE
COUNTRY'S
FOURTH-LARGEST
PRIDE
FESTIVAL,
AND
LOCALS
ARE
QUICK
TONOTE
THAT
ITSTHE
CITY'S
BIGGEST
CELEBRATION.
For a taste of all that Atlantic Canada has to offer, head to the
Halifax Seaport Farmer's Market (halifaxfarmersmarket.com) to
stock up on locally sourced souvenirs or join one of the Local Tasting
Tours (localtastingtours.com). On these walking tours, you can
explore by neighborhood-for instance, Night Out on Quinpool,
or by theme-maybe try North End Craft Beer. Or consider a twowheel tour via I Heart Bikes (iheartbikeshfx.com), which also rents
bikes, so you can make your own adventure.
The City of Halifax does a great job of sharing resources and
trip-planning advice at DestinationHalifax.com, including a list of
'gay-friendly" hotels that, funnily enough, seems to be a full roster of
every hotel in town. And while the Lord Nelson (lordnelsonhotel.ca)
may trump many others for its central location and prime real estate
along the Pride parade route-the fact that virtually every local hotel
is delighted to proclaim its gay pride, in a way, sums up the spirit of
Halifax, the humble city with a huge heart. •
RAISE A GLASS:
In Canada's maritime provinces, locals
say "Sociable!" instead of "Cheers!"
76
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2014
~Stockholm
The Capital of Scandinavia
V•ISi·t. •• Sweden
www.visitsweden.com
t is a lady's fanfare,
with wife and wife
team, Sally and Mandy
Whitewoods, set to
launch Queenstown's
pride event-Gay Ski
Week. The week of events
lures the worldwide LGBT
community to the pristine
New Zealand ski town with
promises of glitter on and
off the ski slopes.
The couple rescued
Gay Ski Week in 2011, after
previous owners let it almost
fall into receivership. Keeping the brand name was
purely a business decision
says Sally.
"It was just easier to get
it back up and going when
people already knew what
it was."
Neither of the Whitewoods appears to shy away
I
78
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2014
from hard work. The couple,
who became first-time moms
two years ago, also run one
of Queenstown's busiest
backpackers' lodges, Aspen
Lodge Backpackers, and
are rebuilding Gay Ski Week.
The Whitewoods, originally from the UK, ended up
in Queenstown after Mandy
told Sally she wasn't ever
living in England again.
"She was traveling and
doing her thing, and every
few years we would meet
up," says Sally.
"Then she just said, 'I'm
not ever living here again,"
and I thought, 'Right, well I
can live in New Zealand for
a while.'"
The couple married in
2009 and show no signs of
packing up to move back to
England. They have become
the driving force behind
the Southern Hemisphere's
largest Winter Pride event,
and last year the week had
a record number of queer
women attend.
"So last year, we had
20 percent females, and
we hope that [figure] will
increase again," says Sally.
The itinerary boasts
international artists, such
as Sydney DJ Kate Monroe
and Melbourne DJ Haylenise. But to really indulge the
queer women crowd, this
year they have incorporated
an exclusive ladies night
event.
"Our female event is on
Sunday August 31. Gaydar
Girls, which is a dinner and
music evening, will feature
Tori Reed, a New Zealand
contemporary folk singer
and songwriter. Being a
Queenstown local, and
hometown favorite, she will
most certainly draw the
queer 'kiwi' crowd."
The following Tuesday,
Anika Moa, a kiwi lesbian
singer-songwriter also has
a gig, which Sally identified
as another drawcard for the
lady queers in town.
The entire week is set in
New Zealand's adventure
capital, which boasts some
of the world's best ski fields,
trendy bars, possibly the
world's best burger (Frugburger) and more adventure
sports than any adrenaline
junkie can handle.
The week kicks off on
Saturday August 30 and runs
until Saturday, September 6.
(gayskiweekqt.com) •
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JUNE
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79
June Is Busting
Out All Over
With Venus in lusty Taurus and Mars in flirty Libra,
we're in for a sultry summer. By Charlene Lichtenstein
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23)
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)
You find love and romance
Lovely Libras are in their
Home is so warm and cozy it's
in the most mystical and
element this June as anything
hard to imagine leaving it for
roundabout ways this June.
they say or do attracts the
any reason. But maybe you
Keep a lookout and enjoy
ladies. You find yourself
should bring the world to you?
the journey as much as the
maneuvering in new influential
Unfurl the welcome mat and
discovery. Open yourself up to
social sets and expanding
plan something brash, bold
new stimuli (parties, creative
your network. You also make
and beautiful. Brighten up your
outlets) and get into the
powerful first impressions with
surroundings by inviting many
epicenter of all the fun. Where
sexy sirens. Ready for some
far-flung girlfriends over for
there is fun, there is mischief.
lusty excitement? It could
a series of tete-a-tetes. Hmm,
become especially intense.
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
The encouragement and
GEMINI %
(May 22-June 21) %
%
Gemini can be the life %
of the party because %
she is always upbeat. %
%
Invite at least one %
Sapphic Twin if you're %
having an intimate %
dinner gathering %
%
and she will keep the %
conversation flowing %
with her witty repartee, %
%
delightful jokes, %
and gossipy tidbits %
to spice things up. %
%
You'll recognize her %
by her excitable and %
somewhat nervous %
demeanor. She is %
%
always on the go and %
enters a room like a %
spark of electricity or %
%
a bolt of lightning. She %
can talk a mile a minute %
and cuts a wide swath %
of subjects in the span %
%
of a short conversation. %
%
%
%
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor %
%
ofHerScopes:
A Guide
to Astrology
%
forLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster)-%
%
tinyur/.
com/HerScopes.
1/,
Nowavailable
asanebook.%
80
CURVE
JUNE
2014
is that what we are calling it
these days?
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
support of gal pals counts for a
Scorpios are advised to
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)
lot, especially when you need
give some time, attention
Guppies can lure fly girls into
sound advice. If you make the
and tender loving care to
their web of intrigue with some
effort, the month can supply
nurturing their relationships,
salty, sensual come-ons this
you with many more pleasant
whether they are for business
June. You will have your choice
social pastimes and even more
or pleasure. The connections
of opportunities.
new bosom buddies. Plan a few
that you cement now will carry
actions and locate your targets
home entertainment events and
you through thick and thin this
carefully and deliberately. You
see who shows up at your door.
summer. There is a lot going on
are especially eloquent and
The more the merrier.
Plan your
behind the scenes and it's nice
compelling and you combine it
someone has your back.
with an earthy aggressiveness
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23)
that is hard to resist.
You are a dynamo at work and
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
charm the higher ups with
The job may take up much
your acumen, boldness and
more of your time this June but
Aries are feeling their oats
pure charisma. Work it like you
this is not a bad or tiring thing.
this June and maybe they will
mean it and there may be a
In fact, such tasks will juice up
feel July's oats too. You are
pot of gold at the end of your
your energy level, build your
ready, willing and able to form
rainbow. Of course there are
confidence and enable you to
new and strengthen current
a few Lionesses out there that
expand and strengthen certain
relationships. So don't sit on
don't feel the need to kowtow
contacts and friendships.
your fanny and wait for the
Aries (March 21-April 20)
to authority. If so, venture out
Sagittarians are full of extra
doorbell to ring. Get out and
on your own and build from
00mph.
wander around the "meet"
the ground up.
market.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
You are at the peak of your
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
The world is opening up for
power this June, Capricorn.
You are especially appealing
you with adventure and exotic
Will you take charge and
and sexy this June so make
love. So what are you waiting
command the universe to
the most of it while your star
for, Virgo? Travel and see
your will? Or will you be the
shines brightly. There are
new vistas. If time or budgets
strategic advisor behind
many women who are circling
are tight, find ways to either
the scenes? When in doubt,
your sphere of influence.
explore virtually or out around
choose the more creative path
Will you draw them into your
the neighborhood.
and see where it leads you.
gravitational pull? Check out
Love finds you belly up to the
the possibilities at work to see
You never
know who is waiting for you in
some corner hot spot. Find her
bar so have fun, rub bellies,
if there is someone you have
hot spot and start traveling.
and see where that leads.
overlooked.•
July
1-7,
2014I www.FamilyOutFest.com
I Orlando,
Florida
I #FamilyOutfest
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