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Description
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ToC Silent No More (p18); The Last Word on Lesbian Sex (p24); Getting the Goods (p38); Our Bodies, Our Selves (p41); Magnificent Monifah (p56); Cover: All about that Bass - Meghan Trainor; Doing it Down Under (p71).
See all items with this value
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issue
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2
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Date Issued
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Mar-Apr 2015
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol25_No2_March-April-2015_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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ALSO
FEATURING
PERFORMANCES
BY:IVYLEVAN
OLIVIA
SOMER
LYNCRYSTAL
WATERS
HOLYCHILD
ELEVEN
ROSE
ROYCE
COMEDY
ACTS
BY:SUZANNEWESTENHOEFER
DANA
GOLDBERG
DINAH
LEFFERT
GLORIA
BIGELOW
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q_yr_y~olivia·
MAR/APR
2015
FEATURES
18
SILENT NO MORE
A personal story about child
sexual abuse and how to move
forward. By Jevaline Johnson
2~
THE LAST WORD ON
LESBIAN SEX
Sexuality author Diana Cage
has some hot tips for your love
life. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
38
GETTING THE GOODS
The latest trend in the tomboy
fashion revolution sends style to
your door.
~1
OUR BODIES, OUR SELVES
A spectrum of body positive
and gender variant expressions.
By Marcie Bianco, Lyndsey
D'Arcangelo, Melanie Dornier,
Merryn Johns, and Taylor Anne
Smith
56
MAGNIFICENT MONIFAH
The R&B star (and newlywed)
is back and better than ever!
By Dave Steinfeld
59
ALL ABOUT THAT
MEGHAN TRAINOR
The little pop goddess with the
big voice has a body-positive
message. By Kelly McCartney
71
DOING IT DOWN UNDER
An insider's guide to Aussie
vacations. By Lynne Hocking
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
1
MAR/APR
2015
36
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IN EVERYISSUE
4
EDITOR'S NOTE
6
CURVETTES
8
FEEDBACK
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TRENDS
REVIEWS
9 BEAUTY
All-natural, cruelty-free products to bring your skin from
winter to spring.
28 MUSIC
Jennifer Knapp shares her
heartfelt story of coming out
as a lesbian and keeping her
Christian faith. Plus we review
the latest lesbocentric music
releases. By Kelly McCartney
11 LES LOOKS LIKE
Meet lesbian model-activist,
Candida Valentina.
12 LESBOFILE
Our favorite celesbians
behaving very badly.
VIEWS
14 OUT IN FRONT
Meet our community leaders.
14 IN CASE YOU MISSED
IT ... LGBT news from across
the country. By Sassafras
Lowrey
16 POLITICS
In the spirit of Women's History
Month, we ask what needs to
be done to embrace the real
lesbian body. By Victoria A.
Brown worth
22 LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
Relationship advice from our
trusted butch-femme duo.
75
2
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
31 FILM
Appropriate Behavior was one
of the best queer feature films
on the 2014 festival circuit, and
a must-watch if you haven't yet
seen it. By Marcie Bianco
33 BOOKS
Did you know that Freud's
daughter Anna was a lesbian?
What affect did she have on his
writings, and how did his analysis shape her life? A new novel
by Rebecca Coffey reveals all.
By Joan Lipkin
36 GIFT GUIDE
A collection of sexy swag to
put some spice into your postValentine's Day love life.
to love my body or believe that anyone else would. Now that I'm
on the other side of forty and a good deal fatter, this all seems like
ancient history. So why do I mention it? Because skinny-shaming is
just as bad as having a fat phobia. Discrimination based on anything is
wrong, period.
This is our Body issue and this year we're not focusing much on body
size (although we love Meghan Trainor of'J\ll About That Bass" fame
so much, we put her on the cover). If you are happy and healthy, it
shouldn't matter what size you are-a plus or a minus. I assume that
everybody who reads Curve is body positive. After all, we're not a traditional women's magazine-we don't play on your insecurities to push
products. So I also assume that you wish to read articles and see images
that make you feel good about yourself. As our cover girl sings,
"Isee the magazines "v01~kiI1'
that
Photoshop
'\Veknow that shit ain't real
C'mon now, make it stop ...
'Cause eve1~yinch or you is 1Je1~rect
From the bottom to the top."
Body Love
wasa very late developer. In junior high I was underweight,
flat chested, and my legs were so skinny I appeared to
be knock-kneed! I was just not curvy and feminine like
the other girls. I didn't fit in and nothing fit me. After
contracting a virus I lost my appetite and shed even more
weight. I covered myself up in baggy clothes. I didn't want anyone to
look at me. I tried to disappear. I certainly didn't have what is now
called "thin privilege:' Not when people called me "Stick" and "Lanky
Legs"; not when they accused me of being anorexic. It was a painful
period in my life that I'll admit gave me a few hang-ups about food,
fashion, and even being around other females. It took me a long time
I
I love the diversity in this issue: From an international lesbian tattoo artist to a lesbian artist who paints wine-infused nudes; from a female-born Indian who lives as a man to Afghan girls who pass as boys;
from buttery balms for your body to butch bespoke fashion; from sexy
gifts and toys to loving relationship advice; from an embattled trans
athlete to a BDSM educator who empowers women-this
issue is
about being comfortable in your skin and finding power and confidence
in your body.
And on that note, say good-bye to winter and hello to spring!
!z
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
Curve's online selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
ADVICE
ARE YOU IN YOUR SKIN?
Ignore the labels others put
on you and discover your
true self. Who am I? That
tends to be the question
that many people ask
themselves. Yet it seems
this question is posed more
within the LGBTQ community. It's hard enough to exist
in this world as an individual
with a distinct skin tone, race or religion. However, by adding "homosexual" to this equation, the answer to this question becomes much more
complex. Read more on
G curvemag.com
EVENTS
EXHIBITIONS
DO YOU MODIFY YOUR BODY THROUGH FASHION?
Are all forms of fashionable body modification to please ourselves or society? Women have shaped their bodies into distinctive silhouettes in the
name of fashion, and this will be examined in an exciting exhibition fresh
from Paris, Fashioning the Body: An Intimate History of the Silhouette
will be on display at the Bard Graduate Center in New York from April 3
through July 26, 2015. Take a peek at the many devices and materials
that women (and men!) have used to shape their silhouettes from the
seventeenth century to today, at G curvemag.com
I MIGHT STEAL YOUR HEART
CULTURE
TECH
FRENCH FEMINIST APP
Fancy yourself a thinking feminist? Then you'll be interested in the cool
new app featuring French feminist philosopher Monique Wittig, famous
for stating that a lesbian is not a woman-and
distinguishing lesbians
from the "heterosexual contract," which bound our straight sisters! Learn
more and get the app at G curvemag.com.
•
~BUT
l'LL LEAVE YOUR CAR.
NEWS
RUBYROSE BREAKINGHEARTSON THE BIG SCREEN
The Aussie household name is set to take over O/TNB in
Season 3. If you don't know of this Aussie LGBT icon, model,
DJ,and all round heartthrob then prepare yourself (like Piper
and Alex) for the latest lustworthy inmate to hit Litchfield
Prison in Orange /s The New Black Season 3.
Read more on
G curvemag.com
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We have some of the leading voices in our community
sharing their thoughts on
love and romance, parenting and politics, and sex and
spirituality-not to mention
our huge collection of lesbian fandom.
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
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5
, YANA
YALLON-HICKS
JOAN
LIPKIN
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
MAR/APR
Yana studies
Marriage & Family
Therapy at Antioch
University in the
hopes of becoming the best damn queer sex
therapist in the land. She received her undergraduate degree in queer studies and sex
education, worked as a sex educator/sales
associate at sex toy shops Good Vibrations
and She Bop and has had sex on the brain
ever since. Yana's sexpertise has appeared
in Bitch, The Toast, Autostraddle.com, and
her sex column in the Valley Advocate. She
interviews Lesbian Sex Bible author Diana
Cage on page 24.
Joan is a playwright,
director, educator
and social activist
who divides her time
between New York City, St Louis and other
places. Her work is published in numerous
anthologies and publications including Ms,
Lambda Literary and Windy City Times.
She has received many awards including
a Visionary, James F. Hornbeck Ethical
Humanist of the Year, Women and Theatre
Achievement for Activism and Performance
and Arts Innovator of the Year. This issue
she investigates the untold lesbian story
concerning Sigmund Freud on page 33.
2015
LESBIAN
» VOLUME
MAGAZINE
25 NUMBER
2
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
SENIORCOPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Melanie Barker, Kathy Beige,
Marcie Bianco, Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Sheryl Kay, Gillian Kendall, Dave
Steinfeld, Jocelyn Voo
PROOFREADERAmanda Keeling
EDITORIALASSISTANTSLisa Tedesco, Cora Shaye-Pope, Erin
Wilson
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
ADVERTISING
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Bruno Cesar Guimaraes
DAVE
STEINFELD
Dave grew up
in suburban
Connecticut but
has lived for years
in New York City. He has been obsessed
with music for as long as he can remember
and started writing about it professionally
in 1999. He has since written for numerous
outlets and is a contributing editor for
Curve for which he has interviewed Lucas
Silveira, Ani DiFranco, Mary Gauthier, and
many others. Although nothing comes
close to music, Dave's other interests
include books, basketball, Buddhism and
Bugs Bunny. His interview with Monifah
Carter is on page 56.
LYNNE
HOCKING
Lynne has worked
in senior management for Tourism
Australia, Tourism
NT and the South Coast Regional Tourism
Organisation. She started the first gay and
lesbian travel company in Australia bringing
gays and lesbians from around the world to
the land Down Under. A hall of fame member of the IGLTAand a founding member of
the Gay and Lesbian Travel Association of
Australia, Lynne spends her life travelling in
her beloved motorhome or her 4WD with
her partner Linda, who she met on a trip to
western Queensland. Read her travel tips on
page 71.
SOCAL MEDIA
MANAGERBel Evans
INTERNSLucy Doyle, Erika Tamm, Lex Giggs
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Jenny Block, Kelsy Chauvin, Jill Goldstein,
Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman, Francesca
Lewis, Charlene Lichtenstein, Sassafras Lowrey, Kelly
McCartney, Emelina Minero, Dana Piccoli, Laurie K.
Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson,
Rosanna Rios-Spicer, Stella & Lucy, Yana Tallon-Hicks,
Sarah Toce
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Steph Brusig, Meagan Cignoli, Melanie Dornier, Sophy
Holland, Syd London, Maggie Parker, Diana Price, B.
Proud, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE(415) 871-0569
FAX (510) 380-7487
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070 (toll-free in us only)
(818) 286-3102 (outside US)
ADVERTISINGEMAIL todd@curvemagazine.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
MELANIE
DORNIER
Melanie is a 34-yearold French photographer whose work
is inspired by the
culture and lifestyle of China and India,
where she has lived for 7 years. Using her
background in sociology, Melanie works
on long-term projects on themes of social
change and gender. Her work has been
published worldwide and in 2011 her peers
recognized her as an emerging photographer in the Salon de la Photo of Paris.
A mother, backpacker, skiing enthusiast,
keen reader and lover of design, Melanie is
based in Delhi. Visit melaniedornier.com.
JEVALINE
JOHNSON
Jevaline is a senior
manager with a
large nonprofit
organization. She
has a Bachelor of
Science in Political Science and a Juris
Doctorate with a sub-specialty in litigation.
When she isn't creating her latest piece of
prose, Jevaline enjoys running, researching,
and advocating to raise awareness about
sexual abuse. Jevaline's other passions
include reading literature, being outdoors,
playing her keyboard, and visiting with
family and friends. She currently resides in
the Midwest, near her family. Her story as a
survivor of child sexual abuse is on page 18.
Volume 25 Issue 2 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 6 times
per year (January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August,
September/October,
November/December)
by Avalon Media,
LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034. Subscription
price:
$39.90/year, $39.90 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $69.90
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed
a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid at San Francisco, CA
94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents
of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either
whole or in part, without written permission from the publisher.
Publication of the name or photograph of any persons or
organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be
taken as an indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or
group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries,
unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response.
Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials.
Submissions cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped
envelope is included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or
damages. The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions
of the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly.
Subscription Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC.,
PO Box 467 New York NY 10034, email crvcs@magserv.com.
Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster: Send
Canadian address changes to crvcs@magserv.com, Curve, PO
Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8. Send U.S. address changes to
crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,
CA 91615-7138.Printed in the U.S.
curvemag.com
6
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
WE GIVE YOU A BETTER NIGHT
-<-
You put more carpe in the diem
TYLENOL®
For what matters mosr
Use only as directed.
TYLENOL® PM relieves pain while helping
you fall fast asleep and stay asleep.
POST
ON
FACEBOOK!
Thebest
comment
posted
each
month
could
winyou
afree
digital
subscription!
AN ISSUE FOR THE AGES
Many, many thanks for the
special issue "Our Generation"
(V.25#1). I also belong to "our
generation;' being a lawyer,
65 years old, and working in
Germany for the advancement
of our rights for 35 years, es~
pecially for the rights of trans
and lesbian people. -Maria
Sabine Augstein, Germany
Loved the diversity in your
first issue for 2015 [V.25#1].
Old, young, black, white,
femme, butch, lesbian, queer ...
I spent hours devouring this
issue. It's your best yet!
-Tania Browning,
ChristchurchNew Zealand
THE RIGHT ARTICLES
Thank you for "Motherhood
in Black and White" by Victo~
ria A. Brownworth [V.25#1].
Having followed the Payton
Cramblett case I had so many
emotions and thoughts-sad~
ness, anger, pity, and hope. I
couldn't really wrap my head
around all the angles until I
read this story, so thank you
for doing what only the best
magazines are able to achieve.
- Kirsten Williams, Green
Brook NJ.
I love your magazine. My girl~
friend and I got the Jan/Feb
mag and you had the article
"The Wrong Path'' (which I
can so totally identify with).
Being in prison is really not
as fun at all as they make it
seem on TV and not everyone
is lucky to have that support
group outside, especially being
a lesbian and Latina. I was
convicted of possession with
intent and now that I'm close
to being out the door (after
doing my time) I'm at risk of
Posts from our Facebook fans
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
facebook.com/curvemag ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Was so excited to see Edie
Windsor on the cover of the
January issue, and the corner
including Thea's photo. A
beautiful love story! -Alicia
Gilbertson
Edie Windsor is one of my
favorite Curve covers of all time.
She looks amazing and classy!
Well done! -Sarah Gray
getting deported to a country
I'm so unfamiliar with, and
to be honest, that's very scary,
especially because I was raised
in the U.S. and now because
of one bad choice I'm at a
high risk. Thank you for all
the helpful information and
the positive things in your
magazine. -Azucena Molina,
Tallahassee,FL.
REVISITING THE BODY
I would like to acknowledge the
relevant and important mes~
sages in the 2014 article"Body
I have so much respect for her!
Where would we be today in
our fight for equality without
Edie?! -Desiree R Montes
I love love love her ...... such
spirit!!! -Angela Vaughn
Such a beautiful woman, with
an amazing story to tell! -Lori
Bykowski
Love'' (V.24#3). The connection
Lambert has on being a queer
and plus size woman creates
a positive movement in the
industry. If we want to change
the perception of what beauty
is, what better way to have an
advocate who sells out stadiums
and sings at the VMAs with
these powerful messages on
our side. I want to stand and
applaud Curve for continuing
the important connection
between people and acceptance.
- BrittanyDunn, CaliforniaState
University,NorthridgeCA.
■i•)1■::::::::::::::::::::.·.::::::::::::::::::::::::.::::::::::::::::::::::::.·.::::::::::::::::::::::.·.·.i
ACCORDING
TO
GLAMOUR
MAGAZINE,
97PERCENT
OF I
17% Me too, and I blame
the media for it.
4,6%
Hmmm...it depends
on my mood.
29%
Not me, I love my
body just as it is!
9°0
If my partner loves my
body, I'm happy.
WRITE
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
letters@curvemagazine.com
US! 510.380.7487
curvemag.com/letters
Send to:
Email:
Fax:
8
CURVE
MAR/APR
Online:
2015
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curvemag.com/customerservice.
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TRENDS/
Spring Skin
Swcct'lhing
SLOUGH OFF THAT DRYWINTERSKIN
WITH THESENATURALPRODUCTS.
BY MELANIE BARKER
BEAU
~
EmerginC's Ginger-Lime Sugar Scrub smells good enough
to eat! This 100% natural, luxurious scrub is the perfect
antidote for the late winter
blues and leaves your skin
feeling supple, hydrated,
and toned. An invigorating
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emerg1nC
soent1f1c,
($45, emerginc.com)
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Golden Girl
Brenda Brock has done it again with
her luxurious and rich apres shower
oil, Midnight Honey. Using nutritious
honey and herbs, this bath and
beauty oil deeply conditions the
skin anywhere on the body, ridding
you of the dry patches caused by
cold weather, and leaving you satiny
smooth. 100% natural, certified
organic ingredients, hypoallergenic,
non-irritating, dermatologically tested
and no animal testing.
($39, farmaesthetics.com)
Swiss Performance
Karin Herzog's Shower Body Scrub is
perfect for oilier skins that want to be
polished like new. High quality and
effective, this fine scrub is made with
white marble powder, jojoba, almond oil,
apricot oil and vitamin E, all of which help
remove dead skin cells and refine without
abrasion or irritation.
($55, karinherzog.com)
.Juic~'.Jo~·
Not all lubes are created equal, or good for your body. Get Wet, a
brand new line of water-based personal lubricants, is the first to utilize
all-natural ingredients such as hemp seed oil and slippery elm, and
offer sexy fragrances like Berry Moist, Mint Lime Squirt, Juicy Melon,
Cinnamon Sugar Drizzle. Plus they're vegan, gluten- and cruelty free,
and free of the toxins found in many commercial lubes.
($15, getwetlubricant.com)
\'cs Please
Liquids work for massages, but for something different try these longlasting, all-natural, preservative-free, solid massage bars from LUSH.
Made with moisturizing butters and essential oils the bars melt directly
onto warm skin and don't leave a greasy residue. Great for travel or
no-mess bedside action, our faves are the jasmine-scented Yes, Yes, Yes
and the soothing icy-hot Wiccy Magic Muscles. ($11,lushusa.com)
1
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What we love about SkinAgain's Youth, Rescue, Relief,
and Vanish is the attitude that goes with them. Whether
you want to fade scars, heal abrasions, or treat irritations,
SkinAgain's mission is not about perfection, it's about feeling
strong inside and out-which founder Sherry Berrie, a burn
victim, knows all about. Plus every product comes with a
suggested affirmation and positive energy hologram!
($38 and up, skinagain.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
9
NDS/
THE GAYDAR
p
I
!~e~ o~~!~~~one?
Let our gaydar help
~ you decide who's hot, who's not, who's
~ shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
~
BY MELANIE BARKER
~
Pride, an awardwinning film set in
Thatcher's England
about a group of gay
and lesbian activists
who support striking
miners, has its publicity
straightwashed for
American release
We fondly remember
Amy Adams' lesbian
kisses in Cruel Intentions
2, Standing Still, and
American Hustle, but her
boob-grabbing lesbian
cat lady on SNL is the
best yet
She's flirted with Whoopi
Goldberg, Jennifer Aniston,
Sarah Jessica Parker, and told
Joy Behar she was "Bisexual,
whatever!" Now Barbara
Walters asks Chelsea Handler
to go gay
C
QD
HBO drops
Ryan Murphy's
relationships
drama Open,
meaning we
won't get to
see the divine
AnnaTorv
play gay again
Ellen DeGeneres
and Portia De Rossi
continue to share their
epic love in adorable
social media posts
including this makeupfree selfie from the
beach
Jackie Warner has an
album out. Is there
anything she can't do?
CURVE
MAR/APR
Japan's
fascination with
faux lesbians
continues with
girl-group The
Hoopers, "seven
girls dressed as
beautiful boys"
Korrasami
confirmed!
Nickelodeon's
Legend of Korra
features the muchdesired lesbian love
storyline between
Korra and Asami!
Australia's Ruby
Rose joins the
cast of OITNB.
Litchfield is
about to get hot!
10
Seattle's The
Wildrose bar on
East Pike Street
celebrates 30 years
of pouring drinks
and providing a
venue for local
dykes. Cheers,
ladies!
2015
Empire, executive
produced by The L
Word's Ilene Chaiken,
features AzMarie
Livingston and real
life girlfriend Raven
Symone
Ellen Page and
Kate Mara are
just the cutest in
Funny Or Die's
exclusive series, Tiny
Detectives
NDstGOSSIP
p
~ LESBOFILE
~
~
Some of our favorite celebs
are on the verge of romantic
revelations. BY JOCELYN voo
~
BABYLOVE
First comes love, then comes baby?
Queen Latifah, who's long been linked to
Eboni Nichols, has started talking about
the next steps to Closermagazine. "I'm
always thinking about [becoming a mother].
Hopefully one day it will be my blessing."
spangled Spice Girl crop tops and hair-antennae, it's something of the past. "But I will
Her newfound focus on her personal life
may be due to some professional setbacks:
be the first one to compliment a woman,
to say to my husband, 'Oh my God, look at
the Grammy winner's talk show was given
the ax a month prior, so now "I'm going to
her legs;' or 'Doesn't she look stunning?';'
she adds. "I do think women are gorgeous.
take a little time and focus on Dana; she
said, referring to her birth name. "Focus on
Crazy but gorgeous."
Couldn't have said it better ourselves.
D-love for a minute and then I'll come back
out swinging."
REALHOUSEWIFEGETS REAL
You better believe we're on bump-watch.
A DASH OF SPICE
After years of isolated incidents of
Brandi Glanville, one-seventh of the
drama on Rea/Housewivesof BeverlyHills, is
no stranger to the tabloid life, particularly
when it comes to past romances: her split
getting sweet with the ladies, Mel B, of The
Spice Girls and British TheX Factorjudg-
with actor Eddie Cibrian, who left her for
Leanne Rimes, was well-publicized gossip
ing fame, now opens up to TheGuardian
about having a four-year relationship with a
fodder. And now Glanville is generating her
own, telling Huff Post Live that she's slept
woman before she was married to Stephen
Belafonte, her now husband of seven years.
with both men and women, but demurs to
labeling herself. "I love beautiful people,"
"People call me lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual, but I know who's in my bed and
she said. "If you're a man, you're a man. If
you're a woman, you're a woman. I'm not a
lesbian and I'm not straight."
that's it," she said. "I have a huge libido and
a great sex life."
So who is the mystery lady? Potentially a
woman named Christa Parker, who told The
Sun that they met when their kids attended
the same school.
"While we were talking out on the deck
[of Mel's Hollywood mansion], one thing
led to another and it happened," she
purportedly said. "I got into Mel's bed and
she followed me in there. She told me, 'I'm
horny shall we make love?' I said 'OK'?"
Mel B's reps vehemently deny that their
client was involved with Parker-but not that
she had a long-term female relationship.
Still, don't get too excited. Much like her
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2015
Perhaps this is as "real" as reality TV gets?
T-SWIZZLEON THE TURN?
Current pop queen Taylor Swift is
known for holding court with a tight-knit
BrandiGlanville
group of celebrity gal pals, but her current
BFF is none other than Victoria's Secret
model Karlie Kloss. In addition to the
pair tweeting glowing sentiments about
each other on a regular basis, Swift also
told RollingStone that she keeps a spare
bedroom in her NYC pad just for Kloss.
(Cue images of pillow fights dancing in our
heads.) Under normal circumstances, a girl
having a guest bedroom for her best friend
wouldn't be news. However, amidst the
surfacing of a grainy photo of the twosome
possibly-maybe-potentially-but-probably-not kissing (which Swift and her
publicist both laughed off), coupled
with the singer's well-documented serial
man-dissing, we're going to call it a far
reach- one that we really wish were true.
TRENDS/
SHEs
Look at me,
what do you think?
Of course I am not a
lesbian. - African actor
Yvonne Nelson to
Vanguard
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
13
st PROFILE
IN CASE
YOU
MISSED
IT ...
Christine Guelpa
Firefighting
Services» Massachusetts
As Christine Guelpa sat watching the fire trucks pass
by her office window, she came to recognize that that
was where she needed to be. She wanted to help others,
and that desire was just as strong as her need to get out
from behind her desk job.
J.K.
ROWLING,
THE
AUTHOR
OF
THE
"I knew I wanted to do something that came with
a sense of respect and responsibility," she says. "I was
Harry Potter series, has taken to Twitter to answer
fans' questions about the books and lives of the
characters. One fan asked Rowling if there are LGBT
students at Hogwarts. Rowling responded that of
course there are, and Tweeted an image that reads,
"If Harry Potter taught us anything, it's that no one
should live in a closet."
determined to make this happen, no matter how long it
took and how many exams I had to take."
Fortunately, Guelpa held on to her dream, and in 1995,
after being one of the top-scoring females on the civil
service exam that year, she interviewed with the fire chief
in Somerville, Mass., and was promptly brought on board.
She knew she was going to have to prove herself as a
female firefighter right from the start, and it would be a
challenge.
THE
J.WALT
"I didn't go into this job expecting to be treated differ-
agency has released
campaign for Tyleno
What Matters Most,"
of ads showcases contempo
American families One of th
Is a lesbian family In a setting
reminiscent of a Norman Roe
paIntIng, the lesbian family Is
shown around the dinner tabl
with their three children and t
ex husband of one of the women,
who Is the father of the two older
children
ently;' she says, "I wanted to be treated like an equal."
Over the years, Guelpa says the men have treated her
with utmost respect. In fact, in a way, being an out lesbian may have been an asset-she has never encountered
any sexual advances from her co-workers and feels she
has connected with them more naturally than she would
have if she had been a heterosexual female.
"They don't have to suppress their humor or feel the
need to be guarded around me," she says. "Sometimes
we find ourselves checking out the same women, and
laugh about it."
Of course, the firehouse is not all laughter and
BARBARA
WALTERS,
INA
camaraderie. Guelpa has found herself more than once
Most Fasc1nat1ngPeople of 2014
IntervIew for her ABC News
special, asked the comedian
Chelsea Handler 1fshe would ever
facing life-threatening situations, from caring for severely
wounded victims, to fighting fires in buildings that contain chemical accelerants, and even live ammunition.
"I never know what I am going to come across;' she
says. "A basic working fire can go wrong in a split second
and end up being a multiple alarm, with causalities and
people losing their lives:'
To other women who might be considering a slide
down the pole (and yes, she really does do that to get
to her engine), Guelpa advises being emotionally and
physically strong. In a burning building, all that matters is
teamwork to get the job done. By Sheryl Kay
~
~
~
consider having a relat1onsh1pwith
a woman The subJect came up
amid a string of questions about
Handler's admitted promIscuIty.
Handler responded, "I'm not a
lesbian" And when Walters kept
pressing, she said, "I wish I was I
would help you I would try
to make this IntervIew
more exc1t1ng"
JEALOUS
THAT
YOUR
GAY
guy friends can meet other
men on Grindr? Sc1ssr-a new,
location-based geosoc1al dating
app "designed by lesbians, for
lesb1ans"-1s a "classier" way to
help you out The free app was
created by Allison Ullrich, and will
soon be available for worldwide
downloads
QUITMAN
HIGH
SCHOOL,
IN
Arkansas, has canceled a program
of speeches historically given
by the members of the school's
Homecoming court. According
to students and faculty, during a
rehearsal for the Homecoming
ceremony a 15-year-old student,
whose 1dent1tyhas not been
released, gave a speech saying she
was born a lesbian, and the most
memorable moment of her life was
coming out to her parents After
rehearsal, she and her parents
agreed to remove the lesbian
content from her speech, but the
school canceled the speeches,
claiming the program was
too lengthy
By Sassafras Lowrey
~
14
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2015
The Florida Keys
Key~st
Close To Perfect - Fctrfrom Normal
POLITICS»
Embracing Our Real Bodies
As women who love other women, it is imperative that we
learn to develop a healthier body image.
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
I met Audre Lorde when I was in my
mid~20s at a party in New York City. It
was a star~studded event where I was the
youngest woman there, brought as the
plus~one of a friend 20 years my senior.
After a sit~down dinner at Phyllis
Chesler's apartment, music was playing
and some of the women started dancing.
Audre Lorde pulled me, the only woman
in a skirt, to my feet and we danced.
It was thrilling. I had discovered Audre's
work in college and was in awe of her. I
wasn't thinking that she and all the other
women there were as old as my own moth~
er. I was thinking that I was in the midst
of feminist and lesbian greatness and that
this was a moment I would likely remem~
ber forever.
Thirty years later, the memory remains
amazingly crisp and vivid.
Audre was wearing a loose, dashi~
ki~style top that night, but as we danced I
was suddenly aware that she had only one
breast. Soon after that party, I was diag~
nosed with breast cancer myself, making
that evening, that dance, resonate in an
entirely different way.
16
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2015
When I was in high school, a woman
whom I knew was a lesbian moved in across
the street. I can't explain how I knew, I just
did. Because she had cerebral palsy, she
walked with a lurching, staggering gait and
her speech was garbled, but I found that all
it took to understand her was to be truly
listening. I was eager to learn everything I
could from her, so I would sit on her porch
and talk with her as she told me about her
life. Eventually, I met her partner, a non~dis~
abled butch who seemed oblivious to her
girlfriend's disability.
If we encounter imperfect bodies, either
in our own community or in the larger
culture, we don't accept them. Perfection
is the standard and we focus on that. In
reality, very few American women of any
age have perfect bodies, yet that is the
standard we are all expected to meet.
Audre Lorde and the woman who lived
across the street from me in my child~
hood-call her Ms. X-were way outside
the norms of perfection as defined by the
male~gaze culture. Audre didn't seem to
care that she had lost a breast to cancer.
She was utterly assured of her own sensu~
ality and sexiness and exuded that. Ms. X
didn't abrogate her femmey~ness because
she had CP, and Ms. X's butch partner
showed her the same deference she would
have shown any other femme.
Yet despite these early models of lesbi~
ans who loved their imperfect bodies, and
were loved in return, I have always wanted
my body to be different from what it was
at any given time.
I am far from alone. One aspect of
Women's History Month that will never
make the headlines is our historic ha~
tred of our own bodies. Ms. X and Au~
dre Lorde were anomalies: women who
seemed not to care about their physical
imperfections. Perhaps each of them was
grateful to be alive-Audre
surviving
cancer, Ms. X surviving the injury to her
brain that could have killed her, or left her
far more physically disabled than she was.
But millions of other American women
have never reached that level of confi~
dence, or bravado.
We are socialized to hate our bodies
from an early age. We hate that we aren't
boys. We hate that we get breasts, and
VIEWS/POLI
our periods, and that our world suddenly changes: We have to protect our bodies
from outside attack-sexual
harassment,
sexual assault, pregnancy.
We are taught we are imperfect. We
are surrounded by ads for the products
necessary to make ourselves presentable.
The list of products is long, from vaginal
washes and sprays to erase the scent of
our femaleness, to special razors to make
us hairless everywhere, to make-ups and
creams and depilatories to make us as
pretty as society insists we should be.
Most of us accept that prescriptive list
and try hard to make ourselves palatable
to the (patriarchal) world. We accept that
we aren't good enough as we are. And
while some men are now seeking out
Botox injections, facial fillers, and plastic surgery, more than 90 percent of the
cosmetic-procedure industry is directed
toward and used by women. Over 80 percent of bariatric surgeries for rapid weight
loss are performed on women.
In a story arc that's a season and a half
long on ABC's Emmy-winning drama
Greys Anatomy, Dr. Arizona Robbins
(Jessica Capshaw) is injured in a smallplane crash. Her wife, Dr. Callie Torres
(Sara Ramirez), an orthopedic surgeon,
does everything possible to save Arizona's
leg, but when sepsis sets in, the leg has to
go or Arizona will die.
In seasons 9 and 10, coming to terms
with her new body is extremely difficult
for Arizona. She even has an affair-in
part, it seems, to prove she is still attractive to someone other than Callie, who has
known her since before she lost her leg.
Our hatred of our bodies is pandemic-it doesn't require losing a body part
to be at war with one's body. The Republican-driven War on Women is localized
around women's bodies and who has control over them. In other cultures, showing
any part of our bodies is against the law.
Chador is mandatory. In still more places,
FGM-female
genital mutilation-robs
us violently of our most intrinsically female parts.
We are constantly bombarded with
messages that say our bodies aren't really
ours. We are told what we can and cannot do with them-so
it's not surprising
that we have internalized that war against
them in myriad ways. How many of us
have slept with women who told us they
didn't like this or that about their bod-
ies:' How many times have we apologized
for our own bodies, even if we actually
thought our bodies were fine, because we
thought someone else would not:'
The reality of our femaleness is that our
bodies are in constant flux just because
they are female bodies. Our hormones
change our bodies at least once a month.
We bloat and we bleed. We get hyper-sexual and then anti-sexual.
This is a wholly female experience.
So too is childbirth. If we decide to have
children, childbirth changes our bodies forever. Stretch marks. Saggier breasts with
bigger nipples. Vaginas that are no longer
the tight fit they once were. Sometimes our
bladders leak at the least provocation.
with in my early 30s), lupus, myasthenia
gravis, rheumatoid arthritis.
These are the many things that can ravage us, leaving permanent scars.
But nothing ravages us like we ravage
ourselves by hating our bodies. A survey
by Glamour magazine in 2014 found that
97 percent of American women have an "I
hate my body" moment every day. A survey in the London Daily Mail found that
90 percent of British women were depressed by their bodies. Psychology Today
found that 80 percent of women disliked
their bodies "extremely;' and only 12 percent were satisfied with their body size.
New York magazine found that 90 percent
of middle school girls hated their bodies.
The Huflington Post writes that we are
raising girls to hate their bodies.
In December 2014, Australian feminist
activist Stella Young died suddenly at only
32. Only three feet tall, Young was born
with a crippling genetic disease that kept
her in a wheelchair.
Young wrote and spoke extensively
about the disabled body and how disabled
bodies are Othered by our perfectionist
culture. In one column, she wrote about
dancing in her wheelchair at a party and
the ad hominem responses of the abled
people around her.
Our perceptions of our own bodies limit us. Yet all our bodies will age, products
and procedures notwithstanding, and aging is often quite disabling. Any one of us
could lose a limb to an accident, like the
TV character Arizona; or a breast to cancer, like Audre. We could be born disabled,
like Stella Young or Ms. X; or be felled by
disability later in life, like I have been.
So what will it take to make us love the
bodies we are in, to revel in them, rather than revile them:' What will it take to
make us stop bonding with one another
over what we think is wrong with our
bodies:' What will it take for us to stop
Othering ourselves to ourselves:' My
20-something self was in awe of Audre
Lorde, breast or no breast. Her age and
that of the other women at that party was
irrelevant to me. Did I change, or did the
culture consume me:'
It's Women's History Month and this
body hatred is one of our most hidden,
most sordid histories. Our hatred, both
collective and individual, of our female
bodies is one historical reality we would
be far better off without.•
V[RY
~tWAM[RICAN
WOM[N
0~ANY
AG[HAVt
PtR~tCT
BODI
tS,YtTTHAT
IS
TH[STANDARD
Wt
AR[All tXPtCTtD
TOMttl
''
As we age, our bodies broaden at the
base. Our bones aren't as dense. We lose
height, we gain ass and hips. Post-menopause, our skin loses its suppleness. Our
vaginas get thinner and less lubricated.
Our sex drive changes.
And some of us get cancer. Breast, cervical, ovarian, uterine, endometrial-those
are our female cancers. But increasingly
there are others, too: colon, lung, thyroid.
More and more younger women-1
in
50-will
get melanoma, the deadliest
form of skin cancer, because of our addiction to tanning.
Some debilitating, crippling autoimmune diseases mainly impact women:
multiple sclerosis (which I was diagnosed
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
17
BREAKING
THE
SILENCE
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and
this is my story. ev JEVALINE JOHNSON
I want to tell you about my experience as
an honor roll student by day and a victim of
sexual abuse by night.
The abuse began during seventh-grade
summer in Evansville, Ind. My abuser
lived down the road from me and across
the street from my best friend. His backyard was adjacent to the churchyard
and parking lot where my friends and
I would practice soccer, play volleyball,
Rollerblade, shoot hoops. During one
of the first times my abuser spoke to me
alone, he told me I was "different;' "more
mature than my age;'"the prettiest girl" he
had ever seen. Then he said, "You know I
18
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
could go to jail for what I am doing:' He
also threatened suicide if I spoke of what
was happening. "No one will understand
our relationship;' he told me. It was the
Fourth of July. Some things you never
forget ... many things, actually. He pulled
me close and kissed me. My first kiss was
from a 47-year-old man-a
man who
had served in the United States military,
a man who had helped lead his son's Boy
Scout troop, a man who was respected by
his friends and colleagues.
From that point on, the molestation began in full force. My abuser had no boundaries, physical or emotional, about where he
would take me and what he expected me to
do. He picked me up from middle school.
He took me to bluegrass stripper pits. From
his home, he watched me play in the church
parking lot.
In hindsight, I can see that he groomed
me meticulously, with words of affection,
with gifts of jewelry, with his attention. He
sang songs to me while we sat hidden in his
truck, while he rubbed my back. He wrote
me notes, which he gave me on his way to
work, while I waited for the bus. But these
gifts wound up costing me severely: I paid
with my virginity, my sanity, my self-worth.
Little did I know that my sense of safety and
FEATURES/
love were being completely shattered.
From the end of seventh grade on, I was
routinely molested in my neighborhood and
my community.
We would meet most weekdays after 4
p.m., when he got off from work. We met
in the basement of his girlfriend's home
(where he lived at the time), we met in the
bedroom he shared with her, we met in his
Dodge Ram truck in the parking lot at Oak
Hill Middle School, at the National Guard
Armory-specifically, OMS #6, at the mov~
ie theater off Morgan Avenue, off Green
River Road, Kansas Road, St. George
Road, Ward Road, Sunset Memorial Park,
McCutchanville Park, in the parking lot and
playground at Bethlehem United Church
of Christ. Some days, my abuser picked me
up from Oak Hill Middle School. It would
begin in so many places-the molestation
that changed my life in ways that I could not
understand until recently.
Fast~forward: I am 15 and the "it" is still
happening. I am suffering from panic at~
tacks. I am agitated. But I somehow keep it
together for school. I am an honor roll stu~
dent and I letter in cross~country and track.
I do not feel like I fit in at school, save for
a few friends. My parents have divorced. I
feel scattered on the inside, and I cling to the
things that are consistent in my life-him
and "it:' I exchange the pain for comfort.
Fast~forward again: I am 18 and it hasn't
stopped. I do not know how to stop it. It is
becoming all I know. I still meet him. I feel
so anxious. I have started isolating from my
family. He takes the place of my parents,
while violating my mind and my body.
I panic when my menstrual cycle is late.
He buys me pregnancy tests. My night
sweats are worsening and my heart races
so hard at times that I have an echocardio~
gram. I start to feel even crazier; I cannot
understand why I feel so scared, why I feel
so heavy and full of dread.
A subtle shift occurs when I move to
Michigan to attend law school. I very slowly
start to break away from him. Very slowly.
In October of 2012, the news about the
Jerry Sandusky case brings me back to my
adolescence. I am living in Atlanta, Ga.
With distance from this man, and having
entered my own maturity, I begin to recog~
nize that nothing was "special"in the way he
wanted me to believe. Rather, every contact,
every incident was simply this man impos~
ing his needs upon me, a child who did not
understand the immediate or long~term im~
plications of his actions.
As the media talks about the grooming
behaviors of predators, my experience is
more clearly defined. I am now an adult sur~
vivor of childhood sexual abuse. This is not
a role that I chose, but a role that I have to
live with because of the depraved actions of
this man.
I cannot sleep many nights, wondering
if my abuser was abusing other girls. While
I am not ready to stand up for myself, I am
ready to stand up for any other child who
might cross his path.
I summon the strength to call my abus~
er-two times-and
I record those con~
versations. I then take the recordings to
the police in Evansville. I am subsequently
interviewed by a sexual crimes detective, at
a safe haven called Holly's House. This de~
tective then goes to my abuser's home and
arrests him, on the spot. Shortly thereafter,
my abuser posts bond and a two~year legal
saga commences.
During the subsequent months, I con~
tinue seeking help and healing. I pray, I cry,
I scream, I drink too much, I run (literally
and metaphorically), and I have countless
flashbacks. I lose mysel£ Those closest to
me carry me when I can no longer carry my~
sel£ My significant other-Tamara-is
my
healing balm during this arduous time.
When I hit my knees and scream-my
primal, soul~filled, who~killed~part~ofme
scream-she keeps me warm and safe. I rant
and dance and cry until I have exorcised my~
self of the pain. She does this many times
for me, and all my grief, confusion, and an~
ger exact a toll-our romantic relationship.
Yet, she firmly stands by me during this
journey, with an intimacy and a loyalty more
intense than our romance.
She is the holder of my history. While she
and I are undefined after the past four years,
we continue to discover who we are to each
other today: a mutual source of solace, com~
passion, and love.
She is the woman without whom I can't
imagine my life.
Almost two years later, after multiple
trial continuances and a change in prosecu~
tor, I enter into discussions regarding a po~
tential plea deal. I end up supporting a plea
bargain because it at least ensures that my
abuser will be registered as a child molester.
ISS
I am also emotionally, mentally, and physi~
cally exhausted from negotiating my way
through a criminal justice system that seems
intent on revictimizing the victim.
My abuser agrees to plead guilty to four
counts of Class B felony child molestation.
The original charges involve 16 counts of
Class A felony child molestation, based on
the specific incidents of abuse inflicted on
me by this man.
I support the plea bargain because I am
completely worn down by the criminal jus~
tice process. While recognizing that I have
no official role in negotiating the eventual
outcome, I am also open to almost any op~
tion that requires this man to publicly admit
that he abused an innocent young girl. That
he did things, which will impact me forev~
er-my ability to trust, my ability to enjoy
intimate relationships, my ability to sleep
well at night. I advise the prosecuting attor~
ney that I am open to a plea bargain because
I need this process to end. I need the door
to close so that I can focus on the futurehealing and helping.
The process of searching for justice is as
emotionally traumatic as the abuse itsel£ I
feel that I have to fight to ensure that my
voice, my experience will be honored.
Until lately, I have felt as if I had no voice
and that no one was interested in under~
standing my experience. Rather, I have been
told to simply "move on with my life:'
I am moving on with my life. And a part
of me that is moving on is also screaming at
the top of my lungs that sexual abuse hap~
pens every day, in plain sight, with seemingly
nowhere to turn to get help. I share my story
because it is a common story. And the more
we say something, the more we can help
one another heal. I had-and
continue to
have-help from fellow survivors, and their
friendship and wisdom have made such a
difference for me. We do not heal from trau~
matic experiences alone; strength really does
lie in supporting one another and lifting one
another up.
In coming forward I'm not only freeing
myself but also encouraging other survivors
or those currently being abused to come
forward. When we break the silence togeth~
er, we strip away the shame and stigma of
abuse.
I am no longer afraid of my feelings, no
longer afraid of the grief, pain, and anger.
Because of that freedom, I'm feeling more
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
19
peaceful, hopeful, and alive than ever before.
I'm moving closer and closer to forgiving
my abuser. But granting forgiveness should
not be confused with excusing what he did,
because there is no excuse. In forgiving him,
though, I gain more power over mysel£ my
life, my feelings, and my spirit. This healing
process then becomes less about him, and
even me, and more about helping otherspaying forward the help I received.
These are my words to anyone who has
been sexually abused or has survived the
unimaginable: You are already so brave. You
20
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
have survived. You are more than the pain
that drops you to your knees. You are more
than the horror that devastates you. And
above all, you are more than your agonizing
past. Break the painful, soul-sucking silence
with one trusted person, and let good people help you heal. There is hope. Hope for
you right now. Hope for you tomorrow.
The path to healing is constant, and it
is achingly difficult. But you have already
slogged through the inferno. Hold your
head up; you are so much stronger than you
even know.•
ONLINE RESOURCES
The National Center
for Victims of Crimes
(victimsofcrime.org)
National Organization
for Victim Assistance
(trynova.org)
Fresh Meet
Lipstick: She's interested all right-in
tips, not your tits.
your
Lesbian newbies seek to spread their wings.
Dipstick: I love it when the sexy waitress
BY LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
scoots in next to me, gets close to my ear,
and in that husky voice, tells me about the
day's specials. I don't care if it's chipped
Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I don't even know where to start.
I'm 27 and have always identified as straight, though I've had
many lady crushes. I met a waitress two weeks ago with whom
I felt this really intense connection. I went back and got talking
with her a couple days ago, and I felt like she was really flirting
with me. When I asked her for menu recommendations, she
scooted right up next to me, told me a couple times how much
she liked me and liked having me around, introduced herself
and asked my name, even asked if I was leaving some of my
dessert for her. When I left, I gave her my phone number. It's
been two days, and I haven't heard anything. I've never been
this into a girl, but I'm a believer that we are attracted to souls,
not bodies. Unfortunately, I'm also a little out of my element
here. Did I misread the situation, or is she actually interested?Wet Beneath the Boobs
beef on white bread or fried liver cutlet
with lima beans, I order myself a big plate.
I'm a sucker for anyone who serves me
food-and whispers in my ear. Is this lady
flirting with you? Hell yes, she is! She's a
hardworking woman who knows how to use
her charm to squeeze a few pennies out of
lonely truck drivers, traveling salesmen, and
hapless dykes.
Lipstick: I'd bet my plate of pierogies that
this flirty server is just looking to fill her
pocket with fifties, so you'll have to go take
a cold shower. When you're first dabbling
in lady-loving, it's hard to decode the signs.
Are they gay? Straight? Just hormonal? Some hetero girls can be so damn
seductive!
Dipstick: I know, Lip. Remember Rhonda
from Rehoboth?
Lipstick: Do I ever. Unlike Rhonda, who was
nothing but a tease, if a woman is gay and
interested, she'll let you know.
Dipstick: One final tip: Next time you meet
someone, ask for her number instead of
giving her yours. It's not fun waiting for
someone to call you.
Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I am struggling
and need your help. I've got children
from a previous marriage to a man. It
was a desperate attempt to try to "be
normal" and run away from who I am.
I was raised strict Lutheran in a rural,
homophobic area. When I was 18, I called
off the wedding twice, because I preferred
women so much that I knew I shouldn't
marry a man. The marriage was short and
miserable. Not just because of my sexual
orientation, but because my husband
was awful and controlling. After the
divorce, I had a few flings with women,
but only sexual. I was too terrified to be in
a lesbian relationship. I spent years being
single, focusing on my career. Two years
ago, I met another man. He knows I'm
bisexual and I'm more attracted to women
22
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
VIEWS/
than men. From day one, he told me he
wants me to be who I am and be proud
of it. It was with his encouragement,
understanding, and love that I came out
to my friends and a lot of people at my
college. I also became a leader of an
LGBT organization in our area. He has
also told me that if I feel I need to date
women, he supports my decision. I have
talked to him about not feeling truly
friend. Fear is the only thing holding you
back. Sure, things might get sticky. All
relationships are. But this is something
you really want. It's worth the risk, isn't
it? Instead of envisioning all the ways
that things could go wrong, imagine the
EXECUTIVEGAYMATCHMAKINGFIRM
bliss-filled life you could have if you got
everything you ever desired. One word of
caution, though: Before you frolic down
this path, read up on how to successfully
"whole" if I can't ever date women or be
navigate open relationships. Opening Up:
able to truly explore that part of myself.
A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open
The trouble is, even though we have an
Relationships, by Tristan Taormina, is a
good place to start.
understanding on this, I have never acted
LIPSTICK+DI
PS
on it. I have always been monogamous,
and I'm scared I will open up a can of
Lipstick: Are you more devastated by the
worms if I do act on my feelings. I am
idea of not experiencing a relationship
with a woman, or not being faithful to
becoming increasingly devastated
about the prospect of not ever being in
a relationship with a woman, but I adore
my boyfriend. We don't have sex as much
as we used to, although when we do it is
the best, most passionate sex I have ever
had with anyone. I hate feeling like this
because I love him so much, but I feel
like I'm actually a lesbian-or
pretty close
to it. We got engaged in 2013 and a few
months later I decided I wasn't "straight
enough" to get married. I don't know
what to do. Please help! -Between a Rock
and a Straight Place
your awesome boyfriend? Answering that
honestly will give you clarity. The latter
probably causes more initial anxiety, but
the former is a heavy, lingering despair
that isn't going anywhere. Opening up
your relationship isn't the solution, because you've had the girl-on-girl action.
What you're after is a deeper connection.
That is the snag, because when you fall for
your first woman, you're going to fall really
hard. Trust me on this. When that happens,
you're going to want to spend every minute of every day with your girlfriend-not
your boyfriend. And he will end up getting
Dipstick: Quit your fretting and get on OK
hurt. Consider this before
Cupid immediately. The site is crawling
diving into that
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with ladies just like you-in relationships
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ladies. Jump on that featherbed, girl-
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Let's Talk About Sex
Have hot queer sex. Change yourself.
Change the world. ev vANA TALLoN-H1cKs
I have to admit, when I first got Diana
Cage's newest advice manual, Lesbian Sex
Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love for
Same-Sex Couples,my initial reaction was,
What are these straight girls doing on my
queer sex bible? The two softly sighing,
male-gaze-created faces certainly didn't
reflect back to me my own hot, tattooed,
messy, complicated (did I say messy?) experience with queer sex: I've put more sensual
passion into baking a cake. But as with everything written by Diana Cage-former
editor of the groundbreaking lesbian porn
magazine On Our Backs, author of seven
other smart sex reads, and current instructor in the Women and Gender Studies
Department at Hunter College-no dust
jacket image could possibly convey all the
informed and inspiring advice this whipsmart sexpert has to offer. (About those
faces on the cover, which were chosen by the
publisher, Cage says, "I know, right? They're
24
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
pretty funny. The women are very beautiful,
of course, but they don't exactly scream authentic lesbian sex, do they?").
Packed with naughty and sometimes hilarious wisdom, everything from "Lick her
slowly and teasingly at first" to "You cannot
have a conversation and eat pussy at the
same time;' Cage's new book offers a fresh
perspective on sex, not the conventional
advice you can find on your average boring
blog. Instead, Cage gives the reader applicable, blush-worthy suggestions from her
heart, head, and, well, y'know-and in ways
that are anything but heteronormative.
In fact, Cage's Lesbian Sex Bible is all
about smashing assumptions, starting with
the outdated idea that good sex is all about
mastering a series of preapproved techniques, tips, and tricks. As Cage writes in
the introduction, "This isn't a recipe book ...
Our greatest barriers to good sex are fear
and shame ...Good sex makes you feel
good and bad sex leaves you feeling guilty
or worse. What is bad sex, exactly? Even if
no one comes, even if the dick slips out and
you both go rolling off the bed, you still had
fun. It's only bad sex when you feel icky or
ashamed in some way. Good sex makes you
feel good not just physically, but mentally:'
Though good sex may seem out of reach,
especially when you've got to read an entire
bible to get there (the book's actually only
192 pages long), Cage says her book is "more
inspirational than instructional:' It starts exactly where it should: with you and where
you are. "We all need to learn to feel and talk
about desire without shutting down, getting
shy, or feeling awkward. We need to actually
feel good in our bodies, enough so that when
a lover wants to please us we can relax and
enjoy their touch. We need to learn to turn
off our inner critic and quiet our thoughts
and actually feel our bodies and the bodies
of our lovers rather than perform some the-
VIEWS/AD
atrical performance of desire and pleasure
that we've decided we're supposed to do:'
Once we feel healthy and happy in our
sexual selves, then it's time to start adding on
the partners.
"Once we're there, and we've learned to
really give and receive pleasure, then I'd say
learning to read signals is a really import~
ant thing," says Cage. "Does she want to be
touched softly or roughly? Listen for cues.
If you grab her hair does she moan appre~
ciatively or stiffen up? Don't be afraid to be
a little adventurous. Try new things.
Learn to touch your lovers creative~
ly, to tease and excite them. You can
make up for a lack of experience by
going very slowly and letting the
tension build. Once she's absolutely
desperate to be touched, practically
anything you do will feel fantastic:'
Cage's new book makes it obvi~
ous that she's the type of sex writ~
er who believes equally in sexual
pleasure for its own sake and also
in sexual pleasure as a way to truly
change the world, one sheet~ripping
orgasm at a time. Besides being a
super~fun way to break a bedframe,
to Cage, good healthy queer sex
is also a great way to break down
heteronormativity.
"Good sex is life~aflirming! Good sex
makes everything we put up with worth it.
All the quotidian, boring parts oflife as well
as the constant microaggressions we experi~
ence as part of being queer in a heterosexist
culture, we are better able to cope with those
when we're having good sex. Thinking, read~
ing and writing about queer sex can help us
remember that we don't have to succumb to
the very strong pull of heteronormativity.
Reading, thinking, and writing about sex,
not to mention having it, is a good way to
celebrate our resistance to assimilation:'
Whether
you're knockin' the Doc
Martens, Steve Maddens, or Manolo
Blahniks, and whether knockin' them re~
suits in changing the world or just needing
to change your sheets, Cage just wants to
inspire you to knock 'em! "I took a lot of
inspiration from my own sex life when I
was writing this book. [My partner and
I] have been together seven years and in
fact just got married recently and not only
do we still have hot sex but we have it all
the time. And when I started this
book, I was like, Tm having the
best sex of my life! How can I look
at this analytically? What are we
doing right and how can I help
other people do it too?'
"Oh and master the art of the
finger~bang!" she adds. "Oral sex
is amazing. Strap~on sex is excit~
ing. Crazy positions are fun. But
a great finger~bang is an anytime,
anywhere activity. You don't even
have to take off your clothes. I
once had sex with my lover on a
crowded plane, with only the tray
table pulled down and her hand
up my skirt:' Well, consider us in~
spired (and well~reminded not to
judge a book by its cover).
12HOT
TIPS
THAT
WILL
HAVE
YOU
(AND
HER)
BEGGING
FOR
MORE
...
1. "The hottest part of a kiss is that moment just before it
happens when you know you are about to start kissing.
Enjoy that moment by leaning in until your faces are
almost touching. Stay there."
2. "Bathroom make-outs-we've
all done it, and why not?
It's practically a baby dyke rite of passage. Nothing says
'I need you right now' like dragging someone into the
bathroom at a bar."
8. "Dildo shopping makes a great date activity. In fact, it
can be an essential part of lesbian foreplay!"
9. "You know how straight guys are afraid to have anal sex
because they think it'll turn them gay? Well, guess what?
You're already gay! You get to have as much anal sex as
you want."
10. "Hair pulling is nice. Try it out and see, softly at first. You
want to turn her on, not piss her off."
3. "It's okay to laugh."
11. "Use a paddle. I have bruised my hand on quite a few
4. "This really shouldn't have to be said, but I'll say it any-
rumps. Don't let this happen to you!"
way: be nice to the people you are having sex with."
5. "Learn to talk freely and comfortably about sex."
12. "You cannot have a conversation and eat pussy at the
same time. Of course, many lesbians have tried, but all of
them have failed."
6. "There really is no right or better way to come-anything
that gets you and your partner off is perfect."
7. "Take the scenic route."
Lesbian Sex Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love for
Same-Sex Couples by Diana Cage is available from
Amazon.com.
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
25
Kim Chemin and Renate Stendhal
and told me this famous American
believe in marriage equality, especially
feminist writer was coming, with her lover.
come back to Paris?"
if love and sex play an enduring role.
This famous writer was someone I had
KIM: We both had a wild streak during
The authors of Lesbian Marriage: A
translated into German, and the lover was
those years. My relationship ended shortly
Love & Sex Forever Kit are in it for the
long haul, not the U-Haul, and reveal
Kim. We three hit it off, wildly talking about
after this first meeting in Paris. I had one
women's spirituality, politics, and books.
how they met, got together, and keep
the spark in their relationship alive.
KIM: I think we fell in love right then and
there, but I wasn't free, not even free to
fully realize what had happened.
HOW
DIDYOU
MEET
AND
WHAT
WERE
YOUR
FIRST
IMPRESSIONS?
HOW
DIDYOUR
ATTRACTION
UNFOLD?
RENATE: We met at a Paris cafe-a
RENATE: It took us three and a half years,
cafe
brief relationship after another, always
thinking of Renate.
RENATE: I also thought about Kim a lot. But
I had four lovers all over Europe by the time
Kim visited Paris again. For her, I took three
weeks off from my other lovers.
each of us had chosen a long time ago as
writing letters and reading each other's
our writing cafe. It's one of the great Paris
writing. I edited Kim's novel The Flame
heading back to Paris: This "polygamous"
cafes, near the Luxembourg Gardens. I
Bearers. We both had erotic dreams about
woman would never be available for a
was writing an erotic book review when a
each other. We frequently said, "Why don't
committed relationship! But my best friend
member of my poetry workshop arrived
you come visit Berkeley?" "Why don't you
said, "If two women take three weeks
26
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
KIM: My analyst thought I was in a delusion
VIEWS/
out of their lives, there has to be a fire
burning ..."
celebrating our 28-year anniversary by
getting married!
SO,WHO
MADE
THEFIRST
MOVE?
YOU
BOTH
HAVE
PHDS.
ISTHERE
A
different.
DOWNSIDE
TOBEING
INTELLECTUALS?
RENATE: Kim arrived back in Paris, and
TWO OF
KIM: Statistics tell us that the average
hetero sex act in America takes two
minutes. The average! Women's bodies are
it took us exactly one day and night-an
KIM: We are writers. Sharing our ideas has
RENATE: And women need to develop a
extraordinary day where everything we had
always been the erotic fuel for us.
imagined and dreamed about each other
was confirmed. One day and it was clear.
different sexuality. This different sexuality
does not have to die or fall asleep after
RENATE: Plus psychological insight and
honesty. Trying to understand a loved
two years. Not even after menopause! In
the book and in our counseling practice
KIM: There was the lover I'd been looking
for all my life. I always imagined this
person is an endless challenge, no matter
how compatible you naturally are. I wrote
we teach women to develop flexibility,
loosen up the "genital corset," and discover
woman, my soul mate, somewhere across
the Atlantic, in Europe.
a whole book [True Secrets of Lesbian
Desire] about truth-telling, the least costly
what we call "the equal-opportunity body,"
where sex and fulfillment can happen in an
and most effective aphrodisiac of all!
elbow or in the nape of your neck.
she was 17,she studied German poetry.
When I started university, I studied Yiddish.
KIM: We are a lot like kids, inventing
characters for ourselves and playing
KIM: We define the difference between
"hot burn" and "slow burn"-an entirely
This seemed an important omen for our
relationship. The other major thing was
language games ...
new concept of lovemaking.
that we were fascinated by each other's
creative mind and writing.
RENATE: Language-finding funny new
expressions, quirky words and double
RENATE: The book is the sum of our
KIM: After this first day, Renate said, "Why
entendres-is a constant source of delight
and laughter for us: English, German,
experience, our own and what we learned
from our counseling clients. After now-29
French, and some operatic Italian!
years together, we've seen it all, and we've
met big challenges on the way-"the other
IFYOU
FIGHT,
HOW
DOYOU
MAKE
UP?
woman" being one of them. [There's a
whole chapter on that.] We've been lucky.
RENATE: Kim is Jewish, I am German. When
pay for a hotel? Stay here!" And being quite
a Don Juan back then, she just walked up
to me and kissed me.
RENATE: Our ideal was to create a
YOUR
VIEWS
OFMARRIAGE
EVOLVED.
HAVE
YOU
APPLIED
YOUR
OWN
ADVICE?
RENATE: Even after two decades of
monogamous relationship that would never
get boring, never lose the erotic spark.
being together, even when marriage
briefly became legal in San Francisco, we
KIM: A tall order. Many kinks had to be
didn't think of it. We felt like bohemians,
outsiders, not eager to let the state
worked out. I used to be the stormy, loud,
wild person, until Renate argued back
intervene in our love life.
with the same force and passion. We had
big fights during our first years, mostly
KIM: We were committed, for better or
over feminist issues-and ex-lovers. It took
time and some therapy to clarify what we
of who I am, good and not so good.
wanted in this relationship.
worse, from the start. And we had our own
We're as much in love now as we ever were.
KIM: We joked in an interview that "we
follow our own advice most of the time."
WHAT
ISONE
THING
ABOUT
EACH
OTHER
THAT
YOU
STILL
DESIRE?
RENATE: Deep, honest, loving recognition
RENATE: Our magical words to start the
KIM: Vast understanding, something only
the soul mate can provide. Or, as Renate
used to say, the "Weg-Gefahrtin," the "way
RENATE: When California finally legalized
peace-making process were, "You have a
companion." The lover you want to spend
gay marriage, we felt strongly in the grip of
the historical moment. Gay marriage had
point. I can't see it yet, but I know you have
a point." And, "I am sorry for whatever I did
all your life with.
become a political movement, reminding
that hurt you. I want to understand it. Help
me understand."
DOYOU
HAVE
ADVICE
FOR
COUPLES
EAGER
TOWED
DUE
TOCHANGING
LAWS?
KIM: We hardly fight nowadays, we
KIM: Resist the pressure to rush through
the open door just because it has opened.
private spiritual ceremony a number of
years ago-we describe it in our book.
us of the great excitements of the feminist
movement. Hadn't we always said the
personal is political? We got inspired to
write about what it takes to succeed in a
marriage-like relationship-and when our
book Lesbian Marriage was finished, it
just know the tune, and most often our
disagreements crack us up.
RENATE: Use the pressure to set out
clearly the conditions that are nonnegotiable for you. "I do, if you work out
ISLESBIAN
BED
DEATH
AMYTH?
DOMANY
LESBIANS'
SEX
LIVES
DECLINE?
your drinking
was totally obvious: Now's the time to tie
the sexy knot!
RENATE: Bed death looms over every bed
KIM: Our best lesbian friends designed
questioning. After the honeymoon and a
the protocol for that day-a very fun,
couple of years, sex changes and cools and
playful, and touching ceremony. We were
slows down. It's the nature of the beast.
in this world-hetero,
bi, gay, trans, and
problem. I do, as soon as we
have established financial independence.
I do, if we agree about affairs. I do, as
soon as we are both certain to give our
couple absolute priority over all other
relationships." (lesbianloveforever.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
27
ennifer Knapp's story is one
that many in the LGBT
community can relate to. She
grew up with a twin sister in
small~town Kansas, and after
her parents divorced she sought refuge in
the pages of a journal, which she wrote in
code so no one could read her deepest se~
crets. But a writer's secrets must, eventual~
ly, be told. So Knapp took up songwriting,
setting her story within the framework of
J
28
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
her Christian faith. After two independent
releases and lots of church shows, Knapp's
album Kansas sold more than 500,000
copies.Two Grammy nominations and two
more albums of Christian music followed.
At first, it was all well and good, but then
it was all too much. A move to Australia, a
hiatus from music, and a new relationship
filled the years between 200l's The Way I
Am and 2010's Letting Go. In conjunction
with the release of Letting Go, Knapp came
out publicly as gay. "I just thought, Oh, I'll
come out and that'll be the end of it. Well,
it's not. It's a big deal:' And it's a big deal
in two of the communities-Christian
and queer-that
Knapp brings together
through her very existence.
When she first came out, Knapp was
criticized by some in the LGBT community
because in an early interview she stumbled
when she called herself a lesbian."It was just
weird for me to say, because I was just me.
REVIEWS/
And for a lot of other LGBTs, for them to
see me stumble in saying that, there was an
assumption that I had a difficult time with
my own identity, and with calling myself a
lesbian;' Knapp recalls. "How well we take
on a moniker or an identity and how we live
that out becomes different, especially the
more we get comfortable with it, the more
we see the wider diversity of LGBTs ... That
diversity is long and wide. And I think part
of the challenge that we have is, any time
that we understand our own identity, to
not assume that everybody carries the same
journey behind them as we do ourselves:'
In 2011, Knapp set up the Inside Out
Faith Foundation to facilitate conversation
between and about Christian communities
and their LGBT members. To expand her
reach, she also released an album, Set Me
Free, and published a memoir, Facing the
Music, late last year. Through it all, she
remains a devout Christian and a proud
lesbian-two
potentially conflicting aspects of her identity that she has internally
reconciled. So, how does she reconcile the
idea that fundamentalist Christians stead-
fastly uphold one scriptural passage, but
not another? Very carefully. "Christianity
has a bad rap. It does point to one scripture over another;' she concedes."For some
people, that really works for them, and it's
really important. But in holding to that
idea, and how a person should practice
that, do we alienate other people for the
sake of our own identities? That's where it
becomes a real problem and can be really
damaging to a lot of people.
"It's not just Christianity that does it;'
Knapp continues. "We do it in all kinds
of ways, anytime we're talking about really
strong identities that are tied up in some
very important things ...like faith, like our
sexual orientation, like where we grew up.
These things are the core values of who we
are, and when someone starts to insult that,
it gets really personal really quickly:'
Because some of the believers are stuck
on the notion that homosexuality is not
only a sin but a choice, often the conversation can't even proceed to more immediate
issues, like marriage equality. Knapp says,
"When I'm in the space with somebody
MUSIC
who's having such a hard time understanding the normalcy of LGBT people in the
universe, when that's so far beyond their
grasp, it's not even a debate that I end up
having, most of the time:' But she sees the
tide turning right before her eyes as the
wave of marriage equality continues to
wash over us. "The interesting thing about
that, though, and a lot of conversations
that I have in community environments
that are really wrestling with this, is trying
to put sexual orientation in a context of
love, as opposed to sex;' she notes."Funnily
enough, I think that marriage equality is
going to shed a light onto some of the more
conservative religious audiences, so that
they can see that what we're talking about
here is not about sex-it's about love and
healthy relationships and family building:'
She continues, ''And I think the more we
see that, the more we see healthy relationships-Neil Patrick Harris is a great public
example of that, Chely Wright and her family are a great example of that-the
more
we can start to see how incredibly mundane and normal that is. And how incred-
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
29
REV1Ews1MUSIC
ibly powerful that is. That, to me, is what's
really interesting about gay marriage. And
for environments that have a really difficult
time, they have to get over that fairly quick~
ly or they're just not engaging in that con~
versation at all. And that, again, goes back
to the sinful nature that an LGBT person
is viewed as having, in conservatism. If you
can't get over that, then you're not seeing the
forest for the trees, a little bit:'
In conversation, in her music, and in her
memoir, Knapp's storytelling uses love as its
language, and its muse: "Love is universal,
that's why you see it so much in the music
that we have ...where it contracts and where
it succeeds and where it fails. It's the great~
est muse for any musician in the history
of writing, because everybody knows that
experience. And that is what art does-it
connects people. To me, succeeding means
being able to connect a diverse range of
people through a universal experience. I'm
grateful for music, in that sense:'
In this latest chapter of her life and work,
Knapp returns to the same pages she kept so
guarded as a child, and there she continues
to record her deepest secrets. Now, though,
there's no code, only connection. "Obvious~
ly, I have a lot to say about LGBTs and the
faith conversation, because it's affected me
personally. But when I'm exhausted by being
'Jennifer Knapp, gay/lesbian, ex~Christian
rocker, whatever; I'm just happy to be able
to pick up my guitar and play a song about
love;' she says. ''At the end of the day, we all
have our own story and our own experience.
As a songwriter, that's all that's ever really
mattered to me-being able to write about
what it's like to be alive, to love, to fail, to sue~
ceed, to be spiritual, to doubt ...all that stuff
is the gasoline that's running the engine of
what I get to do:' (jenniferknapp.com)
HOT
LICKS
))BYKELLYMCCARTNEY
Jennifer
Knapp
SetMeFree
(Rignteous
Babe
Recoros)
On the surface, Jennifer Knapp presents fairly straightforward, albeit
thoughtful, pop/rock. But, knowing her story, the songs take on a loftier
mission. They tell the story of an out, gay Christian who grew up in rural
Kansas, the sister of a twin and the daughter of divorced parents. She's a
lover and a fighter, this one - a thinker and a feeler. The set kicks off with the
one-two punch of "Remedy" and "Set Me Free." The first offers a glimpse into
the heart and mind of someone struggling to break free of their roots while
also clinging to them, while the second frames that same push-pull within the
context of a relationship - you probably shouldn't hold on, but it's hard to let
go. The bittersweetness of that epic human battle takes a more tender turn in
"Neosho" as Knapp recounts childhood days spent on the river with her father.
For anyone facing a similar fight, Set Me Free is evidence that it gets better ...
or, at least, it can.
Various
Artists
The
Empress
oftheBlues:
ATribute
toBessie
Smith
..
:i
', ,
(Reimagine
Music)
~-
or
\~11,,I
• ~ttJL
30
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
Int
The legendary Bessie Smith left a treasure trove of recordings in her wake,
works that have inspired and influenced generations that followed. On this
tribute collection, a slew of moderately known artists puts their own wildly
varying stamps on some of Smith's most iconic tunes. For anyone who only
knows Jenny Owen Youngs from her "Fuck Was I" turn, hearing her Spartan
take on "After You've Gone" puts her in a whole new light. Doria Roberts
takes a similarly simple approach to "Poor Man's Blues." In between those
cuts, Tim & Adam put a thoroughly contemporary, synth-infused spin on
"Nobody in Town Can Bake a Sweet Jelly Roll Like Mine." Even Bessie,
herself, would be hard-pressed to recognize that one. The set is all over the
place, stylistically, with Smith as the only common strand. Other highlights
include Tift Merritt, Jesca Hoop, Dawn Landes, and Simone White.
Ms. Behavior
Why Desiree Akhavan's Appropriate
Behavior is a must-see film.
BY MARCIE BIANCO
et's not mince words: Appropriate Behavior is the
best film made by a queer
woman for queer women
in 2014.
One reason why Appropriate Behavior
is undeniably the best LGBT film of last
year-deserving
comparison with the
excellent features Concussion and Whos
Afraid of Vagina Wolf?-is that it doesn't
single out sexuality as its piece de resistance. Twenty-something Shirin, who is
bisexual and Iranian, is the film's protagonist. The film opens at a critical time in
her life, after a serious breakup with her
female partner, Max, but the narrative arc
does not include the typical, often belabored account of how Shirin comes to accept her sexual self.
Sexuality is just one component of life
and, frankly, not the most important one.
This is why"coming out" films-films that
tie all their thematic elements to a rendering of sexuality and inevitably make it the
most important one-seem
so trite and
simplistic. Just living and existing, without
L
any self-conscious grappling over labels,
is what the majority of humans outside
of queer academia do. They just live, and
leave the bickering about who "qualifies"
for which identity to someone else.
Writer-director Desiree Akhavan, who
also plays Shirin, flirts with this traditional narrative in her film. Being loved
by her Iranian parents is important to
Shirin, but she expresses no melodramatic, tortured feelings about the fact that
she has not come out to them. In fact,
the only person who feels uncomfortable
about this arrangement is her ex, Max,
who cites Shirin's being in the closet-if
only to her family-as one of the major
factors contributing to the deterioration
of their relationship.
This film is about a particular duration
of time in Shirin's post-breakup life, but
it doesn't include a moralistic or generically imposed conclusion. That Shirin
doesn't reunite with her ex or live happily ever after with someone else bespeaks
the unadulterated, real-life quality of the
film, which many have associated with the
work of Lena Dunham, Akhavan's contemporary. But instead of a witty, sexually
adventurous straight girl living in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, we get a witty, sexually
adventurous bisexual Iranian girl living
in East Williamsburg. Both women paint
landscapes outside the traditional lines of
morality and genre.
This similarity in artistic vision is undoubtedly the reason why Dunham asked
Akhavan to play the part of one of Hannah Horvath's Iowa MFA cohorts in the
fourth season of Girls.
While Appropriate Behavior could easily
be seen as a queer version of Girls, Akhavan says she took the inspiration for her
film's narrative structure from Woody
Allen, specifically Annie Hall, which, as
she described it to me, "dances back and
forth between past and present:' Appropriate Behavior juxtaposes moments from
the past-memories
of both good and
bad times with Max-with
scenes in the
present as Shirin tries to move on from
the breakup, mostly by dating a bunch of
randos she meets online, and figure out
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
31
if and how she needs to come out to her
family. On top of it all, like most Millennials, she is trying to secure a solid but not
soul-crushing form of employment.
For all twenty-somethings and some
post-Recession
thirty-somethings,
the
idea of"home"-not
only finding a home
in the world in terms of a career and a
roof over their head, but also being (at)
home in one's self and in intimate partnership with another-is
constantly on their
mind. As Akhavan told the LA Times,
"When I'm around Iranians, I don't feel
Iranian at all, but when I'm around Americans, I don't feel American at alL . .In high
school, there was an 'otherness' to me that
I couldn't put my finger on. I think most
[children of] immigrants have this feeling,
that you really have to create your own
space and your own comfort with all of it:'
Shirin is constantly in a state of motion, moving between her parents' home,
her old home in Park Slope with her ex,
and her new hovel-of-a-home in the notoriously confining McKibbin Lofts in
East Williamsburg, which reflects her
lack of stability, or foundation. Shirin is
constantly moving between lovers of all
genders, too, arguably reflecting another
kind of instability. When she is having a
one-night stand with a guy, she is dreaming of Max; after flailing through a date
with a female law professor, she ends the
date early only to hook up with a married
heterosexual couple later that night. What
is "appropriate behavior"? Who knows?
Frankly, what's "appropriate" is debatable,
and that's what Akhavan proves in this
film. If the psychology of bisexuality is one
of always looking, of a constant sense of
dis-ease with one's current state of being,
then Akhavan has given us the best film
about bisexuality to date.
Premiering at this past Sundance Festival in the Next category, Appropriate
Behavior was born out of Akhavan's NYU
thesis, as well as an idea she had to collaborate with her ex, with whom she created
the popular web series The Slope, a piss
take on lesbians who live in that formerly lesbo-centric, now baby-stroller-centric
neighborhood in Brooklyn. Like the web
series, Appropriate Behavior, Akhavan's
first feature film, is "pretty personal;' so
much so that she's editing a special, toneddown version for her father to watch. •
32
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MAR/APR
2015
HOT
FLICKS))
BYMELANIEBARKER
Fagbug
Nation
Oirecteo
oyErin
Davies
What does this country reallythink about LGBTrights?Watch FagbugNation to
fmd out. Thedocumentary,written, directed and filmed by Erin Davies,takes the
viewer on a road trip across all 50 states, Hawaiiand Alaskathe final two, offering
a window onto tolerance in this country, compilingcross-country interviews
with ordinary folk who are drawn to the rainbow colored Volkswagen,and into
conversationwith Davies.
The bug itself was the subject of the 2009 Netflix documentary, Fagbug,and
given a makeover by Daviesafter three years and many injuries including eggs,
spit, a trashcan, and more graffiti, such as "Faggetsand dikes need to die."
Davies' belief was that by taking the car on a nationwide tour, homophobia
could be highlightedand addressed. Along the way, Davies receives hundreds
of handwritten notes that are left on the car. She receives emails and messages
that commend her, and others that condemn her, including an email that calls
her "a self indulgentcunt" and "bottom feeder." Neverthelessshe persists,
giving motivational speeches at 200 speaking events. Davies also interviews
over 1,000 people: gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual,straight, allies; open-minded,
tolerant, ignorant, bigoted. Some people react to the Fagbugwith with humor;
others with outrage, anger, confusion. Davies makes sure to address every
comment, including befriending a man who initially tweeted against the car, and
ends up composing some music for the documentary.
Theexpenseof car repairs,the isolationof manyhours of driving alone,and
the separationfrom her wife SonyaParrish,are all offset by the joy of meeting
peoplewho havebeenfollowing Daviesand Fagbugfor 6 years; the relief at being
welcomedby fellow LGBTactivists; and the knowledgethat the Fagbugis spreading
a positive message.The stories of peopleDaviesinterviews-from Colorado
to Kansas,Utahto South Dakota-are nothingshort of inspiring.Theseare the
parents of gay children,and the childrenof gay parents,who experienceeveryday
discrimination,and for whom a visit from the Fagbugis a godsend.Especially
movingare the reactionsof kids enchantedby the rainbow colored car, and kids
like MikeyBurnett in Nebraska,who havealreadyexperienceddiscriminationand
harassmentas early as the fourth grade.Oneintervieweelooksforward to the day
when a road trip like Davies'is no longernecessary.But after watching Fagbug
Nation, it seems that we're not yet there. Roll on, activism!
Freud~~Lesbian Daughter
Blowing the lid off the psychoanalyst's legacy. ev JOAN
ebecca Coffey's debut novel, Hysterical:
Anna Freud's Story
(She Writes Press,
2014), is the fictional autobiography of
Sigmund Freud's lesbian daughter, Anna,
who acquired her own renown as a child
psychoanalyst and tireless humanitarian
but who first had to circumvent her father's suffocating pronouncements about
women in general and about lesbiansher in particular. Praised by Booklist as an
"avidly researched, shrewd, and unnerving
first novel" that is "complexly entertaining,
sexually dramatic, [and] acidly funny;'
called "riveting" and "so rife with tension
it'll make you squirm" by LAMBDA Literary, and strongly recommended by 0, The
Oprah Magazine, Hysterical may be Coffey's most controversial work yet. Which
is saying something, considering that in
her long career as a science journalist (for
Scientific American and Discover magazines, as well as various radio outlets) she's
created hullabaloos aplenty.
You identify as straight. Why were you
drawn to this story?
I had a strong personal identification
LIPKIN
with Annas struggle as a young woman.
Like her, I had a grim sexual coming of age,
and it was in large part due to the expectations my parents had for me. When I realized how badly Anna had chafed under her
father's prejudices, I wanted to know how
she accomplished self-determination so
gracefully. I have to admit that I wondered
because, at least in my own memory, I wasn't
always amiable, or even cordial.
How did she do it-not just survive but
apparently thrive?
Well, her emotional intelligence was
undeniable. And in this book I've added a
sense of humor, because for an oppressed
young woman the combination of smart
and funny can buy a lot of emotional space
and wisdom. In addition to being heartrending and fact-based, Hysterical is, I
hope, an occasionally hilarious read.
Sigmund Freud continues to influence
Western thinking yet Hysterical goes
a long way toward discrediting him.
How fact-based is Hysterical?
Very. I've invented no characters, and
I've built the book close to the bone of the
truth-though
as a novelist I did invent
scenes, a few extra plot lines, and dialogue.
But the truth is that Sigmund Freud
thought that, lacking penises, women also
lack a moral compass and need men to
monitor their behavior. Fathers do that
for girls. Husbands do it for their wives.
According to this line of thinking, lesbianism is dangerous to women because the act
and the life keep them from the intimate
company of men. So Anna had to navigate
all that, as well as her father's idiosyncratic
ideas and revulsions. And she also had to
suffer through psychoanalysis with himyears of it! And here's where the plot sickens, if you will: In that analysis, Sigmund
dissected her masturbation fantasies.
Outrageous. How do you know that?
Anna became a psychoanalyst, and both
Sigmund and she wrote about her fantasies.
In his paper, Sigmund claimed to have treated the young woman who'd had those fantasies since childhood. In her paper, Anna
claimed to have treated the little girl whose
fantasies they were. But Anna also wrote to
friends about those same fantasies-and
when she did, she claimed them as her own.
What was unique about Sigmund's
conversion analysis with Anna?
It may have been the least appropriate
MAR/APR
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33
analysis he ever conducted. As Sigmund
defined psychoanalysis, it is an erotic relationship. A mutual infatuation is cultivated and then analyzed. So how does one
do that with one's own daughter? Even
Sigmund thought it was a terrible idea.
"Never try this at home" was the gist of the
warning he gave colleagues. The fact that
he did is one for the history books.
If he was concerned about Anna's
lesbianism why didn't he assign her
analysis to a colleague?
A good question. Sigmund taught that
lesbianism is always the fault of the father.
He was very protective of his authority, as
well as private about his failings. He actually insisted that people call him "The
Master:' I think he just couldn't risk having
a colleague gossip about how he'd "failed"
in his parental role.
Was Freud successful at converting
Anna to heterosexuality?
Absolutely not. Though the Sigmund
Freud Archives has tried to hide this fact
for about 90 years now, by the mid 1920s
Anna had fallen in love with Dorothy Burlingham, heir to the Tiffany fortune. They
enjoyed 54 years of happy monogamy,
even raising a family together. And as unflappable as Sigmund was in his efforts to
reorient Anna's sexuality and destroy the
love that she and Dorothy shared, Anna
treasured and respected him, tolerated his
prejudices, and tended to him unflaggingly
as he was aging and dying.
How was she able to split her loyaltiesher love for Sigmund and her desire to
live authentically as a lesbian?
Well, as we know, a lot of daughters
love their daddies, no matter what kind of
crap they may pull. But yours is a question
to which I devoted an ungodly amount of
head-scratching. One day, when I was imagining Anna lying prone on the psychoanalytic couch, with her father sitting behind
her head, out of her view, and asking herwhat? "Tell me the good part of my favorite
fantasy again?" Well, I started to laugh, and
I thought, That woman must have had one
incredible sense of humor. And that's when
I actually decided to write her as having a
cynical, self-saving appreciation for the truly
weird. She inherited her intelligence from
her father. Why not his ability to laugh? If
she was able to reframe chaotic and painful
34
CURVE
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2015
situations in a way that made her guffaw,
and made the people in those situations
seem only adorably insane, she may not have
needed to split her loyalties at all. She may
just have appreciated her relationships, even
given their limitations.
Why did you write Hysterical as fiction
instead of your customary nonfiction?
As a science journalist, my instinct was
to write nonfiction. But to do so, I knew
that, with a story so outrageous, I would
need to fact-check till the cows came
home. Quickly I learned that would be impossible. Most of the really inflammatory
information I had gathered was from the
work of historians whose interview sources were long dead, which meant I couldn't
talk to the people they'd interviewed. And
I couldn't double-check against private papers held by the Sigmund Freud Archives
because, by policy, scholars and journalists
are not allowed access to anything that
might reveal the details of Anna and Dorothy's relationship.
On what basis did you decide to identify Anna and Dorothy as lovers?
Dorothy's own grandson has written a
play about Anna and Dorothy and their
relationship as a life-long lesbian couple,
so if anyone has outed the two of them, it
was he. And Jeffrey MousaieffMasson, the
former projects director of the Freud Archives, recounted a wonderful anecdote in
the foreword to one of his books. He did
his research in the London home where
the Freuds lived after escaping Nazi-occupied Vienna. Anna and Dorothy were old
ladies at the time, living upstairs. Intrigued
by how they doted on each other, and
never having been invited to the upstairs
of the home, he asked the maid whether
the two women shared a bedroom. Her
response implied that they each had their
own rooms, and they used one bedroom
or the other. So the lesbian nature of Anna
and Dorothy's relationship is not the secret that I am revealing. What I'm bringing to light is the struggle Anna had to go
through in order to create her own family
and her full life with Dorothy.
How is this story relevant today?
Freud's ideas continue to be a benchmark against which much mental health
is measured. And conversion therapy is all
over the news, slammed by major psychi-
atric and medical organizations, but still
practiced by therapists within the religious
right. And while New Jersey and California
ban its practice on minors, prohibitions
being considered by other legislatures are
languishing in committee. Meanwhile, the
Texas GOP has incorporated into its party platform legal protections for conversion
therapy. So I'm concerned for the homosexual minors who remain at risk. But I also
think this story has relevance for straight
women. Slut-shaming, for example, remains rampant in college sororities. Women's own judgments about one another as
conniving "hos" have roots in Sigmund
Freud's ideas about penis envy and the castration complex-the very ideas that fueled
Sigmund's attempts to rule Anna.
How have Freudians responded to
Hysterical?
I suspect that the Freud Archives wants
my book to very quietly fail. If I'm right,
the Archives is probably trying to avoid
adding to the book's cachet by reaching out
to journalists and reviewers. But meanwhile, psychoanalysts who've attended my
readings have brought animated insight to
the discussions-and
I mean that in the
best way. Some have spiritedly disagreed
with me, but that helps create a fascinating
book reading. Even so, I've been surprised
at the number of apparently damning details about Sigmund that every psychoanalyst I've encountered has let slide.
This book was nine years in the making, you're now doing readings and
talks around the country. What's next?
Vacation. And then the next book, of
course.•
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
HOT
READS
))BYJULIEHARTHILL
CLAYTON
When
SheWas
Good:
Best
Lesbian
Erotica
Edited
byTristan
Taormina
withIntroduction
byAliLiebegott
(Ylva
Puolisning)
I am a self-proclaimed book nerd. My favorite sex toy is the brain. Words turn me
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Stars Will Never Rise," WhenShe WasGoodhas somethingfor the naughtyand the
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Fromthe discovery of the first hint of desire in TahaiKobayahi's"Different Girls,"
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There'snothingpolite or restrainedabout the stories in this collection.They'rea literary and titillating middlefinger to 'polite society.' Eroticais about sexualrelationships.
Pornographyis about sex. There is a placefor both. I love erotic literaturethat allows
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We'vecome a longway since Anais Nin'sDeltaof Venus("I had a feelingthat Pandora's box containedthe mysteriesof woman'ssensuality,so different from a man's
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W
e've heard many times
with the customized touch of a person-
about the agony of an-
al stylist. Based on the online profile you
drogynous girls braving
create, a stylist will help select clothing and
the retail wilds in search
accessories taking into account your profes-
of cool threads, and in the past year, sev-
sion, personal taste, and budget. If a similar
eral savvy fashion companies have sprung
system works for dating, why not for fash-
up to address the needs of dapper dykes.
ion? Seems like it might. Greyscale Goods'
The latest player in the tomboy fashion
Kickstarter campaign, managed by Kayce
revolution is Greyscale Goods, and they've
Brown, who is also currently the director
added a twist: you don't even need to leave
of press and strategic partnerships, was suc-
the comfort of your computer to deck your-
cessfully funded on October 31 last year,
self out in stylist-approved duds. The Los
and founder and CEO Sara Medd has been
Angeles based startup curates the best of
focusing on reward fulfillment, building
gender-neutral apparel and sends it direct-
the website, creating software, infrastruc-
ly to your doorstep-at
ture, and inventory for the company to fully
a pace and price to
launch this spring. Medd, a former personal
suit you.
"Greyscale" clients are shoppers who
stylist, is excited to be addressing this gap in
don't feel comfortable with either tradition-
the market. "Style exists in many shades of
al men's or women's clothing departments.
grey, and we want to neutralize this area to
This online retail platform mixes the con-
allow customers to explore style that exists
venience of subscription-based
beyond labels:'
commerce
ST
0
ur current culture has "gelled
the lines of gender;' says
Medd, and Greyscale will
embrace and celebrate that
"within the context of clothing:'
By the time you read this, Greyscale
Goods should be up and running. To be~
come a customer go to the website, sign up
and fill out a profile. Select how frequently
you want to receive a box and Greyscale
Goods will take care of the rest.
"I am so pleased to be able to make this
company a reality and have the opportunity
to introduce this concept to customers in
a tangible form;' says Medd. "Customers
have let me know loud and clear through
this project that they are excited and ready
for this business to exist, so I am ready to
deliver!" (greyscalegoods.com)
'9'9THtlATtST
PlAYtR
INTHtTOMBOY
~ASHION
RtVOlUTION
ISGRtYSCAlt
GOODS
,,
a
rnati
An Indian lesbian
passesas a man.
WORDS AND IMAGES BY
MELANIE DORNIER
A
s a woman living and working in India for the last three
years, I have been concerned about the discrimination
issues and gender inequities that are endemic in this
country. In December 2013, the Supreme Court in
New Delhi reinstated Section 377 of the Penal Code, drafted
in 1860, which holds that two persons of the same sex having
sexual relations are committing a crime punishable by life im~
prisonment. Thinking of my gay family members and friends in
Western countries, I supported the protests and actions against
this ruling. As a result, I started to connect with other activists
via students' queer associations and LGBT sites online. I under~
stand that there is not one LGBT community-every
entity is
very distinct.
Only months after reinstating Section 377, the Indian Su~
preme Court recognised a third sex. This is quite a paradoxical
42
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
situation, the complexities of which I became interested in. When
I was networking in the LG BT community, a journalist (working
for Gaysi: The Gay Desi) gave me the contact details for Pyara, *
a lesbian born as a woman who now identifies as a man. It is very
rare to be introduced to lesbians or anyone in the transgender
community. In North India, including the capital, they are an
underground minority and a very closed community that is not
accepted at all by society. Although it is quite unusual in India,
his family (his mother and sister) know and respect his choice.
They all live together. He has a girlfriend and has been accepted
into her family's home. Pyara has explained to me that he does
not want to change his body, take hormones, or undergo surgery.
He states that sex~change operations in India are expensive and
not very successful.
While in India, I have taken the opportunity to work mainly
MAR/APR
2015
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43
44
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2015
on projects related to gender issues. After previously exploring
the case of a male~born transgender activist, I decided to shift my
focus to Pyara. The central theme of this photo project is how an
Indian woman can live and behave as a man-quite
a challenge
in a strongly patriarchal society like India's, where the duties and
responsibilities of men and women are firmly separated.
Pyara agreed to participate in the project on the condition of
anonymity. I had to employ a 50mm lens to blur his face. When
he had approved the images I selected, I sometimes had to use
Photoshop to re~blur his face. He is very concerned that some~
body might discover his real identity. He resigned from his last
job because his colleagues kept asking him when he was going to
get married. He gets stressed every time he arrives at a security
checkpoint or goes to a public toilet. Pyara and his friends mainly
go out at night, when the streets are empty, to avoid trouble. I
hope that one day Pyara will have an easier life in his own country.
(melaniedornier.com)
*Name changed to protect his identity.
MAR/APR
2015
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45
../ ...
···········Junior
gender benders in the
heart of the Muslim world.
,._..-:>····
....•··::::.::/'/'
A
BY MARCIE BIANCO
fghanistan's bacha posh are evidence of the daily struggle women face in a world that continues to oppress them just because of their gender.
Bacha posh, which is from the Dari language, translates as "dressed like a boy;' and refers to cross-dressing girls. In
Afghanistan, the country that the UN. consistently ranks as the
worst place in the world to be a woman, and where a woman's life
expectancy is 44 years, the bacha posh are a discrete population
of girls who live as boys until they reach puberty.
As boys, these girls subvert long-standing traditions that restrict the movement and liberty of female bodies. In a country
with virtually no gender parity, the bacha posh get to go to school,
they get to play soccer with friends (heck, they are allowed to
have friends), and they are able to move about the world without fear of harm or harassment from men on the street. More
46
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than just having the privileges afforded to male bodies, the bacha
posh actually feel safe in a very dangerous, militantly conservative Muslim nation where the physical oppression of women is all
too real.
More often than not, it's the parents of these young girls who
recommend cross-dressing as the way to live out their childhood.
If a family has more than one daughter, usually the youngest is
given the opportunity to live as a boy, especially since in Afghan
culture male children are thought to be more valuable than female
children. Where there is a male child, the whole family is held in
higher esteem, so parents without sons are quietly proud to have
a bacha posh.
Everyone knows that the bacha posh exist as an identity for
girls cross-dressing as boys, but no one talks about it-it's like
the Afghan version of"Don't Ask, Don't Tell:' The bacha posh are
.·
•:•:•
....·...
·.•.·.·.·.
=r.• ...
.·.•
$./?;?::
-······:·::::;:;:;:~:
\:::
as old as Afghan culture itself, even though they have had no recorded history. Well, not until now. Over a five-year period, the
award-winning journalist Jenny Nordberg has recorded dozens
of bacha posh stories and recounts them in her new book, The
Underground Girls of Kabul: In Search of a Hidden Resistance in
Afghanistan.
From 6-year-old Mehran, who takes great pleasure in running
around as a boy, to 15-year-old Zahra, who is loathe to turn back
into a girl and get married, Nordberg delivers an astounding piece
of anthropological journalism. Each story is unique; she interviews current bacha posh, like Mehran, and fully grown women
who used to be bacha posh but have lost their temporary entitlements and are now mothers themselves. Many bacha posh, it is no
surprise, do not want to give up the freedoms and pleasures of
being male. Some, too, including Zahra, no longer identify with
the female gender. "When I grow up, I will go to the West;' she
tells Nordberg, "where nobody gets involved in your business. My
will is very strong, and I will refuse my parents. Nobody can force
me to do anything ... ! am not a girl:'
In Afghanistan, any discussion of sex and sexuality is virulently prohibited, and Nordberg does not attempt to transgress into
that discursive territory, except to explore briefly, in Chapter 14,
the extent to which sex and sexuality are taboo subjects. In an
interview with Curve, Nordberg is adamant that "there is no direct correlation between hiding your gender, as in bacha posh, or
passing, and homosexuality in adult age:'
Without a doubt, the greatest form of oppression in the history
of the world is gender oppression. Society oppresses what is visible, and gender-not
sexuality-is that which is visible to the eye.
Nordberg's research focuses solely on cross-dressing.
"Disguising oneself as a member of the recognized and approved group is at the same time a subversive act of infiltration
and a concession to an impossible racist, sexist, or otherwise segregating system;' Nordberg writes. Indeed, if anything, the bacha
posh are living proof that not only can assimilation be a subversive
act-more importantly, it is a vital necessity to ensure one's health
and safety. ( theundergroundgirlsofk.abul.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
47
I
n 1976, Renee Richards, an MTF transsexual, applied to the
United States Tennis Association (USTA) to play in the U.S.
Open as a woman. At the time, the USTA, the Women's Tennis
Association, and the U.S. Open Committee required all female
competitors to verify their gender with a Barr body test, which
looks for the presence of two X chromosomes in a somatic cell to
prove that the subject is female. The test is administered by a lab
tech from a blood sample, and though the results are sometimes
flawed and inconclusive, the test was thought to be a scientific
improvement over the so~called nude parade, in which gender
was determined visually. Richards refused to take the Barr body
test and was banned from competing in the 1976 U.S. Open. She
ultimately decided to sue the USTA for gender discrimination
under the New York State Human Rights Law-and
won the
case. A judge of the Supreme Court of New York granted her an
48
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2015
injunction and she was allowed to play in the 1977 U.S. Open.
Despite the fact that she won her case in court, Richards faced
palpable resistance to the idea that she was entitled to compete in
women's professional tennis. Many people suggested that some men
would start dressing as women just to participate in and dominate
women's sports. Others believed that regardless of extensive hor~
mone therapy and sex reassignment surgeries, females who had been
born male still retained the muscle definition, bone structure, and
physicality of males. In 40 years, opinions haven't changed much. To~
day, Fallon Fox, a talented MMA fighter and a transgender lesbian
athlete, has been facing the same kind of discrimination that Rich~
ards faced. Ronda Rousey, the No, 1 female fighter in the Ultimate
Fighting Championship (UFC) circuit, is on record as saying that
she believes transgender fighters have an unfair advantage.
Is it true? Well, it all depends on who you talk to. Reputable scien~
tists, medical experts, and researchers can be found to support both
sides of the argument. A simple Google search will bring up a variety of articles and quotes, including a study in the Journal of Clinical
Endocrinology and Metabolism that shows how 20 male-to-female
subjects taking testosterone-suppression treatments ended up gaining fat in feminine-heavy areas, like the hips, thighs, and buttocks. Yet
another study notes that its male-to-female subjects still had more
muscle than female-born subjects three years after starting treatment.
So, what's the answer? I don't know. All I can say is that every
human body is different and reacts differently to hormone treatment. What I am more concerned about is the whole person-who
is out there enduring all this scrutiny, all the time. What if we sat
down with Fallon Fox and had an open conversation. What if we
set aside our snap judgments and listened to her with an open mind
and an open heart. Would your opinions change? There's only one
way to find out, and that's to ask Fox. Her answers are above.
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
49
I
want my paintings of women to fascinate and create emotion.
I certainly have an intimate knowledge of the female form, not
only because I am female but from sharing my life with the
woman I love and observing her in quiet moments when she is
not aware of my gaze.
I received my undergraduate degree from Indiana University and
one day in 1986 I decided that it was time to live in Europe. I bought
a one~way airline ticket to Germany and began studying at the
Academy of Fine Arts, Nuremberg. I moved several years later to
Berlin, continued at the Akademie der Kiinste, and would regularly
paint on the Berlin Wall. A group of us became involved with Keith
Haring's art project while he was in Berlin. It was an interesting and
enjoyable time. I would be a vastly different person today had I not
decided to do follow that path.
As I work, my canvas is often lying flat on the floor of my studio,
52
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
similar to Jackson Pollock. I walk around the canvas and sometimes
drip or throw paint from above to begin the base layers of my more
abstract works. I had this nice bottle of French red wine on the floor
not far from my canvas and I stepped to the side and knocked the
bottle over and the wine washed over a portion of my work. My first
reaction was to quickly reach for a cloth but as I looked at the effect,
and allowed it to settle, I liked the accidental nature of what had
happened and thus began many years of experimenting with wine
as a medium. In my paintings there are as many as 15 to 20 different
layers of paint, wine, wood stain, enamel, charcoal and glaze, which
are repeated to build up the surface and allow translucent layers of
underlying color to show through. Most of the works I sell range
from 2 feet to 6 feet in dimension. But if I had the luxury I would
paint large, flowing works almost exclusively.
Several years ago I was in Napa Valley,drinking wine at one of the
Mondavi properties. In casual conversation with one of the staffers
at the winery, I mentioned my art and its wine connection. I showed
her several images and she brought my work to the attention of the
Mondavis. Peter Mondavi Jr. has since featured my artwork in the
Charles Krug Winery in St. Helena, CA. I also recently began a re~
lationship with Carnival Cruise Lines, creating new original art for
their fleet, including the Carnival Pride ship.
I am certainly inspired by the love in my life. I am also inspired by
places I visit and experiences I have. I draw inspiration from reading
and researching things that I find interesting. Some people in the art
world have called my work pretty, and they do not mean that in a
complimentary way. But I am okay with that. If my work is visually
appealing, I don't think that detracts from the ideas behind it. It's
more complicated than it seems initially, and perhaps that is simply
a metaphor for mysel£ (abstractmodern.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
53
7~
..········Meet
the lesbian rock star
.... of West Coast tattoos.
BY MARCIE BIANCO
T
attoos are today's thumb ring for the lesbian commu~
nity. They represent self~expression, artistry, a touch of
rebellion. The body of a queer woman, whether it's on
view at the annual Pride parade or at a weekly women's
event at the bar, is, more often than not, a human canvas adorned
with tattoos.
Enter Ivana Belakova, whose clients and fans around the world
know her simply as Ivana. Slovakian born, Ivana has set up shop
in Los Angeles after living all over the world, from Australia to
the Caribbean. She has become one of the most sought~after tat~
too artists in the world because of her iconic style, which is-as
she describes it-part
impressionistic, part pixilation: "modern,
funky~looking designs;' that are "a marriage of street art and
graphic art with a dash of realism at the same time:'
More impressive than her international awards and exhibi~
54
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
tions, and the 2012 publication of her book, NarcissisticRockstar,
which includes some of her favorite tattoos, artwork, graphic de~
sign, and photography, is the fact that Ivana is selftaught. She
studied accounting, not art, in college. After graduation, a friend
offered her a job in a tattoo shop. "I had no idea what I wanted to
do for work. I only knew I was not going to sit in an office to do
paperwork.
"I had no idea how to tattoo, so I started to practice on my
friends and family, and slowly I [figured] things out. .. Tattooing
really came to me. I was obsessed. I never thought I was going to
do something like this in my life. It was love at first sight, and I
love it more every day. I am very grateful!"
Ivana's fierce, unapologetic, and daring tattoo style blends and
bleeds color in a way that other tattoo artists would find too risky.
Originally, Ivana only tattooed in black and gray, but, over the
course of her 13~year career, she expanded her palette to incor~
porate color in a big way. Rendering a kind of graffiti on the skin,
a surface that changes and ages over time, takes immense skilland it is this precise transposition of method from concrete to
skin that has catapulted Ivana to stardom.
The key is to layer the colored ink, she says, over a solid black
base, in much the same way that a painter would, so that, "even as
the colors fade over the years, the tattoo still holds its shape and
looks nice. Layering really helps give [a tattoo] that effect, so that
it has depth;' she says, noting that at this point in the process she
can add detail, sometimes with the assistance of a specialized tat~
too machine, to flesh out the unique style of the design.
Critical to Ivana's method is the connection she has with each
client. For her, tattooing is an organic, "natural process" that re~
quires her "to get into [her] clients' minds and try to connect with
their feelings:' This requires complete freedom and artistic control
over the body as canvas. Like an artist, or a conjurer, she makes
her client's vision appear."My tattoos are fusion;' she says."It's my
client's energy and my expression of something" that create each
piece of art. "Tattooing is my artistic expression-just
like any
other artist is doing, but using a different medium;' she declares.
"The skin is mine:' (ivanatattooart.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
55
I
f you were listening to R&B during
the '90s, chances are you're familiar
with Monifah. The singer-who
was born Monifa Carter in East
Harlem-was
a regular on the R&B
charts during that decade, and even experienced some crossover pop success with
hits like "I Miss You (Come Back Home)"
and "Touch It:' She collaborated with the
late Heavy D, among other artists, and
released three albums between 1996 and
2000. But Monifah hasn't released a new
disc since then. So, what's she been up
to? Plenty, as it turns out. In addition to
working on material for her long-awaited
fourth studio effort, which should be out
within months, Monifah has starred in
the reality TV series R&B Divas: Atlanta;
she's been raising awareness about AIDS;
and she's writing a one-woman show. But
perhaps most significantly, in February of
last year she married her longtime girlfriend, Terez Thorpe.
While same-sex weddings are certainly
more common than they were when Monifah arrived on the scene, they' re still not
exactly an everyday occurrence, particularly when the parties involved are women of color and one of them is a famous
singer. (Consider the speculation that has
surrounded Queen Latifah, the late Whitney Houston, and others over the years.)
Monifah and Terez actually made history
when they became the first African American women to have their nuptials nationally televised. And she couldn't be happier.
"It's been amazing;' says Monifah over
lunch in midtown Manhattan. "Spiritually, we were married already. We did that
piece privately, at home. The actual ceremony [was] for people we love to share in
it, and that was great. It affords us rights,
and it protects us, you know, if one of us
is ill. .. the things that heterosexuals probably take for granted. Now, we're able to
take care of each other in the eyes of the
law. So that's a blessing.
"[Terez and I] knew each other socially [for] about 20 years now;' she continues. ''A.nd five years ago we reconnected,
through some mutual friends, on a com-
pletely different leveL.We were both
coming out of some long-term connections with other people that weren't serving us anymore. It was divinely ordered,
I believe. We took our time and we were
friends first. We still enjoy each other's
company [and] never run out of things to
talk about. I love our conversations. [And]
I still think she's the hottest thing ever!"
When I ask her if it's even harder for
black artists to come out, Monifah-who
has had relationships with both men and
women, and says it's an individual's spirit
that attracts her-answers
affirmatively.
"I think we face a double whammy;' she
explains. "I believe it's still very taboo, because of the religious piece and how people
are raised ... It's [gotten] better, but [people] still think that you can 'God' someone
into being straight:'
On a related note, she says, "I wrote
the treatment [for] the single off my last
album, Home, and I codirected the video.
My song was called 'I Can Tell: [It was inspired by] the life I was living and the parties I would go to. I would see these guys
that I knew, [and other] people who knew
them didn't know that they were bisexual
or gay. And with the AIDS epidemic, and
women being infected because men were
lying-and
vice versa-I
did this video
that they wouldn't even show the end of!
It was a guy sitting in a chair, and you're
thinking, It's gonna be another woman [in
bed] ... And I was like, 'It has to be a guy
at the end: It was me talking about the
phenomenon of the down-low male, and
nobody wanted to believe me!" Of course,
in the 15 years or so since she released "I
Can Tell;' the phenomenon of down-low
men in the African American community
has become big enough to warrant a New
York Times Magazine cover story.
Her work to increase AIDS awareness
also has a personal connection for the
singer. "I lost my brother, Kevin Carter, in
1995 to complications [of] the AIDS virus;' she says. "We were very close. If people were aware ... We're killing ourselves.
We make up [too large] a percentage of
cases in the United States-and
globally,
even. Especially, people in my generation. Were still getting infected, women especially, at exorbitant rates. So I
have to say something:'
When I ask her to name some of the
women who have shaped her as a singer, Monifah lists Billie Holiday, Diana
Ross, Dionne Warwick, Phyllis Hyman, and several others. But there's no
question who her biggest influence is.
"Growing up, A No. 1 [was] Teena Marie;' she says. "[She] was a huge influence on me as far as writing and vocally.
I just loved the way she told stories:' As
for her upcoming album, Monifah says
that a few of those influences will be on
display.
'Tm gonna bring [people] with me
on a journey;' she explains. "You're
definitely gonna hear what you feel is
classic Monifah-R&B.
But R&B is a
lot of things! So the sound is broader.
I'm a Broadway baby. And I'm a belter!
[So] I'm playing with a lot of different
sounds. I'm really excited about this:'
( themonifah.com) •
MONIFAH
&TEREZ'S
HAWAIIAN
WEDDING
We asked the R&B icon for some particulars regarding her wedded bliss.
Who popped the question?
union legally. Hawaii became the destination
favorite color. Amethyst was selected for its
Terez, as she took me on a date, which
of choice for its beauty and the ability to get
power, its healing and protective properties.
consisted of a tour of where she grew up in
married as a same-sex couple.
Chattanooga, Tennessee. We ended up at
Did you write your own vows?
the Tennessee Aquarium, and she popped
The black gowns were gorgeous! Tell us
Our celebrant was Bishop Allyson Abrams
the question. The proposal was featured in
about them.
of Empowerment Liberation Cathedral in
season 2 of R&BDivas: Atlanta on TV One.
I designed my own wedding dress. I used
Silver Springs, Maryland. We both wrote our
She was nervous as hell but so cool about
ideas that I had from three of my favorites
own vows. Terez actually memorized hers. I
it that I couldn't notice. The wedding was
and made it my own. For both of us, our
wrote mine the night before and read them
featured in season 3 of the show as well,
favorite color is black, for its sexy chic
to her at the ceremony. They were beautiful
with all the divas, our family, and friends. It
appeal. With Hawaii being so colorful and it
and heartfelt.
was amazing. Rahsaan Patterson, Syleena
being an outdoor wedding, we decided to
Johnson, and Keke Wyatt actually sang at
let God provide the color hues we wanted,
the wedding, making it even more special
which made the pictures pop, what with the
It was hilarious because we actually got
for us.
floral arrangements at both the ceremony
snowed in-in
and the reception! Terez was in a sexy
[thanks to the weather back home on the
jeweled jumpsuit designed by Walter Foster.
East Coast] and had a ball. Due to our
Is there any special meaning behind the
to move back our long vacation with each
Why did you choose Hawaii as your
Hawaii-with
all of our friends
intense work schedule, we both decided
wedding destination?
We knew we wanted a destination wedding,
Where was the honeymoon?
but it had to be legal and LGBT-friendly. We
rings you chose?
other. Our honeymoon/anniversary will be
didn't want to just have a ceremony, in a
Our wedding and engagement rings are
celebrated in the Fiji Islands.
place that didn't support or recognize the
amethyst and diamonds. Purple is [another]
eningto Meghan Trainor,
ho hails from Nantucket,
ass., you'll find it easy to
lieve that she only recent~
y turned 21. The Gram~
my~nominated pop singer and songwriter
gushes with youthful exuberance over the
phenomenal success she has had in the
last three years. Though she's been writing
songs since she was 11, and attended the
prestigious Berklee College of Music Sum~
mer Performance Program twice during
high school, it was signing a publishing
deal with Big Yellow Dog Music, just after
her 18th birthday, that really got things
going. The independent music publishing
company-on
Music Row in Nashvilleis a place that many young songwriters can
only dare to dream about.
IJ
With Big Yellow Dog behind her, Trainor
released two albums (I'll Sing With You
and Only 17), moved to Nashville, attend~
ed songwriting camps, and eventually land~
ed some cuts with other artists. In 2013,
during one of those writing retreats, Train or
teamed up with songwriter~producer Kevin
Kadish. They ended their day having
penned "All About That Bass" and the rest,
as they say, is history ...though history is still
in the making. Trainor recalls their very low
expectations for the song: "We kind of just
laughed and said, 'Ain't nobody ever gonna
hear this, because there's no artist who can
cut this right now: It was so specific, and
our goal as songwriters and producers was
to get a cut, get a single, because that's the
only way we can make money nowadays and
survive. So, this song, we were like, 'I know
we'll never make any money, but at least it's
a fun song:" Even Big Yellow Dog did not
understand what they had their hands on.
"My publisher was like, 'This is awesome,
but what do you expect us to do with itr' "
she says, laughing.
They all figured it out pretty quickly
with the help of L.A. Reid, who signed
Trainor to Epic Records after hearing
her demo of the tune. Throughout 2014,
''All About That Bass" was about as ubiq~
uitous as it could be: There were perfor~
mances and parodies galore, and by the
end of the year, the pastel~drenched vid~
eo had been viewed 400 million times.
"I remember 5 million views was ridicu~
lous. RIDICULOUS!" Trainor enthuses.
"My stomach always drops when I hear
the news. I'm like, 'Oh, gosh. People are
-=.~'}f(~~
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--.J,·t~
··•j
watching me try to dance. That many
people ...yikes!'" That many people watch~
ing her try to dance pushed the tune to
the top of the charts-and
not just in
the United States but in Australia, New
Zealand, Canada, Denmark, Germany,
the UK, and 10 more countries. It's one of
the best~selling singles of all time.
But all that success cannot, of course,
come without some pushback. While
most people rightfully interpret''All About
That Bass" as promoting self acceptance
and a positive body image, a vocal minori~
ty have latched onto two words-"skinny
bitches" -dismissing the rest of the verse,
in which Trainor explicitly says, "No, I'm
just playing. I know you think you're fat,
but I'm here to tell ya, every inch of you is
perfect from the bottom to the top:' The
singer can see all this play out in real time
on her social media sites. "Every lnstagram
comment, every time I put up a picture, it's
paragraphs of people fighting each other,
like, 'She's bashing skinny people: And the
others are like, 'No, she's not. If you would
just listen to her lyrics ..: I didn't put out a
song to hate on a person. I don't know who
would do that, and especially not because
they're skinny. That's ridiculous;' she says.
Being all things to all people is a lot of
pressure to put on a pop song, especially
one written with good intentions, and even
better hooks. "I think it was too big of a
song. It beat so many records and got nom~
inated as a first single. It was like a Lorde
story, and they had to find something
wrong with it because they couldn't handle
it;'Trainor explains."That's what we all do.
Every time I hear something that's amaz~
ing, I'm like, 'Wait a second, what's wrong
with this?' Then I'm like, 'OK, I love it:"
Trainor herself has not escaped judg~
ment, either. In case there was any doubt
about it, sexism and misogyny are alive
and well in America. Everywhere she goes,
Trainor says, people are "checking me out,
to see if I got that 'boom boom that all
the boys chase' and 'all the right junk' in
the right places. Everyone looks at me. It's
weird. Everyone's checking me out, but I
can't get a date. What's up with that?" Some
folks do more than just check her out,
though. Somehow, they feel permitted, if
not obliged, to comment on her physique.
"Nowadays, they're saying, 'She's not even
that fat! Why is she talking about this?' "
Trainor continues, "Some people wish I
was bigger. When they meet me, they're
like, 'You're too small!' And I'm like, 'Thank
your Sorry I'm not eating enough for you:
I'm pretty content with my body. I like it:'
She is also pretty content with her ca~
reer. For the better part of 2015, Trainor
will tour behind her major~label debut
album, Title. Her first run as a headliner
has sold out pretty quickly, proving that
she's got what it takes to do this whole
music thing. "That's the last step, I'm pret~
ty sure-you
can be an artist with a hit
song, but can you sell tickets? So that was
a blessing;' she says.
Trainor will play the Black Party during
Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend in
Palm Springs, Cali£, in early April. With
a couple of Pride performances under her
belt, she is excited to hit The Dinah. "I did
a Gay Pride thing in Atlanta, and I was do~
ing the sound check when all these lesbians
came up and were loving me. I think they
were just hot for my dancers! The best, too,
is when I do a Gay Pride show and do my
song 'Dear Future Husband' and they all
go, Tm your future husband!' I love it! It's
so awesome:' (meghantrainor.com) •
IT'S A BIRD?
IT'S A PLANE?
IT'S AQUAGIRL!
AQUAGIRL ISTHELARGEST
~ CHARITYEVENTIN THEWORLD
] FORWOMENWHOLOVEWOMEN.
§
0)
-~
_c
Cl...
~ MAY13-17,2015
1 SOUTHBEACH,FLORIDA
"'O
<I:
VISITAQUAGIRL.ORG
FORDETAILS
-I
POWEREDBY AQUA FOUNDATIONFOR WOMEN
I
f~
@AQUAGIRL
•
IN
A NATURAL1-IIGI-I
ARGENTINA
From winding roads to wondrous wines, high altitude Argentina welcomes lesbians.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
LJV
Y 1111
~ f ~ \/[ ~II
The province of Jujuy (pronounced
who-HWEE) is a treat for the outdoorsy
girl (turismo.jujuy.gov.ar). Hotel Howard
its natural wonders, such as the World
Johnson (hjjujuy.com.ar) in San Salvador
de Jujuy is a nice and reliable place to stay.
beautiful gorge inhabited by the Omaguaca
Indians 9,000 years ago and which still has
some indigenous settlements. (Travelers
The rooms are modern and clean, and
the property is conveniently situated in
town. The front desk will recommend bus
tours, guides, and a good local restaurant
66
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
male-owned club Vieja Violeta (viejavioleta.
com) in downtown San Salvador.
The region of Jujuy is distinguished by
Heritage-listed Quebrada de Humahuaca, a
can stay with local families and learn the
customs of their agrarian life.) The Cerro de
such as Restaurante Viracocha, where you
can sample Andean cuisine-if you're an
los Siete Colores (the Hill of Seven Colors)there are literally seven colors in this
beautiful landmark, each hue created by
adventurous carnivore, even llama stew. In
terms of nightlife, there are a couple of gay
bars, but odds are your daytime treks will
mineral deposits-is the stuff of postcards
and will knock your eyes out. So will the
Puna de Atacama, an Andean plateau 3,000
leave you too tuckered out to go looking
for a dancefloor. If you would like to meet
the girls, head to the quirky, kitschy, fe-
the stunning Salinas Grandes (Great Salt
Plains). My tour here included an antipasto
meters above sea level, which features
Llamas (caravanadellamas.com) organizes
lunch, and it was sublime to sip wine and
hotel.com.ar), where the purple clay and
gaze out at the pristine white landscape
cactus wood casas and cabanas reflect
llama treks through the town and beyond,
(tip: sunscreen is a must). You can venture
the colors of the surrounding hills. The
and these guided excursions can last from a
even higher, such as to the Cuesta de
property features spa services, a pool, and a
few hours to a few days, depending on your
Lipan, which is 4,170 meters (almost 14,000
restaurant where you can sample the rustic
level of interest. Learn about the origins and
feet) above sea level and seems to touch
northern fare. It's a safe and restful place
habits of the llama, which was domesticat-
the heavens. I'll admit it: I suffered a little
with an easy stroll into town to look at the
ed from the wild guanaco and valued by
altitude sickness and was offered an oxygen
stores, bars, and cafes.
the Andean people for 5,000 years for its
wool and meat, and as a pack animal. My
tank by our gracious minibus driver, but
For a fascinating day trip, drive to the
once I adjusted my breathing and made
region's main archaeological site, El Pucara
llama was friendly and fairly docile, if a little
only the most economical physical move-
de Tilcara. This beautiful pre-Inca fort just
stubborn, and after some local refreshment,
ments, I was fine. The views are literally
outside the village of Tilcara was built by
animal education, and getting to know the
breathtaking and worth the long, nail-biting
the Omaguaca Indians in the 12th century,
ways of these creatures, we walked togeth-
ride up a narrow road filled with countless
and its well-preserved ruins, punctuated by
er through the winding streets of town, and
hairpin bends and acute curves.
massive cactuses, still possess a compelling
the local kids ran out to see the parade.
To explore this region, make the picturesque village of Purmamarca, in the foothills
of the Andes, your home base. Stay at the
charming Hotel La Comarca (lacomarca-
energy and afford stunning views of the
surrounding mountains.
Tilcara is also the place to get up close
and personal with llamas. Caravana de
The largest local center in Jujuy is
Humahuaca, a charming town with cobblestone streets, numerous cantinas, and a
marketplace selling handmade local goods
MAR/APR
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67
such as ceramics, leather goods, woven crafts, handheld musical
boating, lunching, and bungee jumping. For an atmospheric
pipes known as siku and iconic cups with metal straws from which
dinner go to La Casona Del Molino. The hand-carved wooden fur-
Argentinians sip the herbal tea mate -it was here that I purchased
niture, the platters of barbecue washed down with Salta beer, the
a fabulous Quechua-style hat! The perfect place to bed down after
rousing folk music to which the locals sing along ...l got my gaucho
a day on the road is the Hotel de Huacalera (hotelhuacalera.com).
on! For a final nightcap, stop in at the Delvino (hoteldelvinosalta.
This majestic contemporary roadside inn features stunning con-
ar). This is the first wine-themed city hotel in Salta and, hosted by
ceptual artwork, large rooms, and decor that will please the most
a young and dedicated team, reminds me why I like northwest
discerning queer traveler. Plus, there are llamas grazing outside
Argentina: seemingly in the middle of nowhere, yet so urbane.
your door! This is the best of country living combined with South
(argentina.travel)
American sophistication and a lovely spot to wind up the Jujuy
portion of your adventure.
SOPHISTICAT[O
SAITA
Salta (tourismosalta.gov.ar), about an hour and a half from Jujuy
by car-and also beautiful-is
renowned for its culture and vino.
The local beer, simply named Salta, is a good thirst quencher at
the end of the day but the big beverage in this region is Torrontes.
This indigenous grape makes an easy-drinking, fruity, and fragrant
white wine that is perfect as an aperitif or with light dishes. The
Piattelli Vineyards (piattellivineyards.com) does a good job of
producing this wine, and the master winemaker is young local
woman, Valeria Antolin. And Piattelli Vineyards is a grand place
to enjoy a wine tasting, since the terrace has intoxicating views of
the Calchaquf Valley.
Purchase a bottle of Piattelli Torrontes to sip at sundown in
your luxury digs at the Patios de Cafayate (patiosdecafayate.com).
You won't want to leave this lovely 18th century property, with its
gardens, in-ground pool, and Spanish Colonial decor. But leave
you must, to experience the capital city of Salta, a three-hour drive
away. This little city has a lovely main square, busy streets, many
shops, and fascinating museums-the
Museum of High Altitude
Archaeology is an arresting experience, but brace yourself for
learning about the grisly aspects of Inca culture, including ritual
sacrifice. Leave your judgement at the door and commend the
curators for not sanitizing their history.
After dark, in the Paseo Calle Balcarce, you can discover an
exuberant nightlife and an LGBTscene. I met local lesbian LGBT
activists who told me about Salta Gay Pride and their community.
If you want to eat gay in Salta, the atmospheric restaurant Cafe
del Tiempo has a gay chef and a lesbian sous chef. If you want to
stay gay in Salta, try the Azarenko Boutique Hotel (azarenkohotel.
com) in neighboring San Lorenzo. More contemporary guesthouse
than hotel, the owner, local businessman Ricardo Guede, appeals
to the LGBTtraveler with his suites named after iconic performers
such as Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe. Another option in San
Lorenzo is the lovely female-owned Don Nu mas boutique hotel
and spa (donnumas.com.ar) where pampering is key.
For something right in downtown Salta, however, the appropriately named Design Suites offers impeccable modernist
ambience, and amenities such as a rooftop pool and deck with
views over the plaza 9 de julio (designsuites.com).
For day trips out of town, there are numerous lovely sites to
visit, including the Quebrada de San Lorenzo, a lush and stunning
gorge, quite different from the arid red rock vistas. But if you've
become bewitched by those red rocks, Las Conchas Canyon in
Cafayate, a Sedona-like landscape carved by the Rio Las Conchas,
makes for a mesmerizing drive. Residents of Salta often spend
their weekends at Cabra Corral Dam, which affords lakelike vistas,
68
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
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A TASTEOF
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ONAUSTRALIA»
OUTBAcl<A
Calling all DIY dykes-Australia's Outback Queensland could be your destiny.
BY LYNNE HOCKING
The idea of a woman exploring the wilds of Australia is not as crazy as you might think. Many
women drive campers or trailers, or have car-top tent setups, and everyone who owns an allwheel-drive vehicle wants to put their gear to the test. Yes, lesbians love the Great Outdoors,
and Australia presents one of the world's best opportunities for adventure: the Outback. And
we're not talking Outback Steakhouse, either.
A
ustralia has backyard to suit any level of on- and off-
weekend in September. Because the event has made it onto many
road driving you care to try. Outback Queensland, with
an Aussie's bucket list, people travel from all around the country to
its vast open spaces, long straight roads, and amazing
attend.
ancient landscapes, is a place that will mesmerize and
Another bucket list feat: a drive up Big Red, the tallest sand
inspire you. Rich red sand dunes stand against the brilliance of a
dune in the Simpson Desert. Imagine the feeling of standing on
huge blue sky, and after an early winter rain, fields of yellow and
top of the dune and taking in the vastness and silence at your feet,
white wildflowers cover the dunes.
and then traversing deeper into the Simpson Desert, over many
A great way to get the most out of a visit to Outback
Queensland is to travel with people who have been showcasing
more dunes, before enjoying Deb's legendary pot of tea and some
of the best Anzac biscuits ever! The experience of this remote-
this region for years. Deb and Graham, who own and operate
ness is heightened as you travel in your own vehicle, battling the
Travel West Tours (travelwest.com.au), are based in Charleville.
elements to Gordillo Downs, once Australia's largest sheep station
They conduct 4WD Tag Along Tours to Birdsville, lnnamincka, and
(it's about 3,000 square miles), famous for shearing over 85,000
the Corner Country. People just love Tag Alongs because they get
sheep in one season. Then it's on to the Dig Tree, a heritage-listed
to travel in the privacy of their own vehicle but know that Deb and
coolibah tree where the ill-fated explorers Burke and Wills kept
Graham are right up front to provide any assistance. The driving
their supplies. On the way to lnnamincka, look out for large flocks
is not extreme, and touring with Travel West will mean that you
of corellas (a subgenus of the white cockatoo) by the waterhole.
won't drive past places of significance. Your seven-day tour of the
You'll spend two nights at lnnamincka, one of the most remote
Outback includes motel accommodations and all meals. Travel
tourist destinations in the world. Intrepid but foolhardy Burke and
West caters to non-smokers only, and people have applauded
Wills made lnnamincka famous because it's close to where they
this decision. To do this trip, you need a 4WD with high/low ratio,
perished of starvation back in 1861, but don't worry, that won't
a second spare tire, a vehicle navigation system such as a UHF
happen to you. Today the classic tiny Outback settlement is known
radio, and the fuel capacity to cover 600 kilometers (375 miles). If
for its first-class accommodations and meals!
you're towing a camper trailer or van, you can leave it at Charleville
Follow the Grand Strzelecki Track to Cameron Corner, where
Bush Caravan Park for the week you're on tour, or, if you need
the borders of Queensland, New South Wales, and South Australia
accommodations, Charleville Bush Cottage is a great option
meet. You'll dine out at the Cameron Corner Store-it
(charlevillecaravanpark.com.au)
Michelin rated, but you will experience the best that money can
is yet to be
Departing Charleville, you'll travel west through an avenue of
buy. Then travel through the Dingo Barrier Fence, across the New
mulga trees and on to Quilpie, famous for its magnificent opals.
South Wales border, and on to the quaint little town of Tibooburra.
A visit to the opal altar in St. Finbarr's Church in Quilpie features
Granite boulders are a feature of the landscape, and the town has
boulder opals mined and cut by the locals-country
two great pubs. You'll spend two nights there.
people are
amazing artists whose passion shines through their finished work.
Explore the area and learn about the pioneering pastoral Durack
Your Travel West adventure comes to an end in Tibooburra after
breakfast, and if you don't need to go back to Charleville to pick
dynasty (depicted in the classic Australian novel Kings in Grass
up your van, you could continue south to Broken Hill and beyond,
Castles) before reaching Cooper Creek. Your overnight stop is
east via Wanaaring to Bourke, or continue to be amazed at all that
Windorah, and an afternoon cocktail at the homestead-style
Outback Queensland has to offer by heading north to Noccundra
Western Star Hotel & Motel (westernstarhotel.com.au) will show
(great historic pub there), then on to Thargomindah, Eulo, and
you Outback Queensland's finest hospitality.
Cunnamulla-there's
Birdsville is your next destination for two nights. The two iconic
plenty to see along the way.
You will understand why people fall in love with Outback
pubs in this remote little town have been made famous by the
Queensland-there
Birdsville Races, an international party event held on the first
all the characters you will meet along the way.
is so much beauty and history, not to mention
FEATURES/
TRA
IF YOU GO
in the Outback is
The besttime to travel is May-September (winter
November-March
l).
beautifu
days
gorgeous-nights can be cold but
Fahrenheit.
degrees
95-113
n
betwee
be
often
can
tures
tempera
round.
year
ended
Sunscreen and a hat are recomm
insect repel lent
You are more likely to see creepy crawlies and need
during the warmer/hotter months.
the water in westAlways take plenty of water especially as some of
Basin and a
Artesian
Great
the
from
comes
land
Queens
of
ern parts
able.
lot of people find that water unpalat
a Satellite phone
Mobile phone coverage is also sporadic and hiring
with experienced
is sometimes a good choice if you're not travelling
guides.
have limited
The distances can be vast between towns and some
may also be
fuel
extra
g
Carryin
.
services including mechanical/tire
areas.
some
in
ary
necess
a tour operaIf you're planning to visit Outback Queensland contact
ask them
and
plans
your
discuss
to
Centre
tion
tor or a Visitor Informa
for suggestions.
Useful links: outbackqld.com.au, travelwest.com.au
SOUTH
COAST
Our city car is lightly packed as we set it free on the open road, ready to explore the
wonders of the South Coast of New South Wales, Australia. Just one hour into our
drive from Sydney, we commence our descent from the top of the escarpment:
It's a sense of being on the precipice of something special. And we are. The city of
Wollongong has welcomed us with open arms.
MAR/APR
2015
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75
TURES/
TRAVEL
irst on our list, we decide to hit the bends in a classy Cliff
F
we drop in to the historic Schoolhouse (theschoolhouse.com.
cliff-hugging roads and across the 665-metre Sea Cliff
au), which has been given a new lease on life; it's now the place
Bridge. An absolutely spectacular variety of sights accompany
to sample artisanal cheeses and yoghurt using the best local milk,
the purr of the engine, and we stop frequently at lookouts and
plus a range of teas grown organically nearby.
villages to enjoy our prepared morning tea and lunch.
Once the dream-mobile is safely, albeit reluctantly, returned,
We head to Gerringong to search the coastline for whales, then
Seeking simplicity, we settle into a deluxe beachside cabin
at Kendal ls on the Beach Holiday Park (kiamacoast.com.au/
we satnav to our accommodation for the night. We choose the
kendalls_beach). A balcony overlooking the ocean and a glass of
Novotel Wollongong Northbeach (novotelnorthbeach.com.au),
wine in hand is all we need. The only sounds are the waves gently
drawn particularly to its stunning Mediterranean bar/restaurant
crashing on the shore and our glasses clinking.
Pepe's on the Beach. Newly opened, it features whitewashed
floors and bright colors, and stunning outdoor deck overlooking
Leaving this part of the coast the following morning, we
continue trekking south to the glorious Shoal haven region, which
the beach. We start with oyster shots, then share Southern fried
is a foodie, nature and adventure lover's paradise. Crystal clear
chicken sliders, sashimi and fish tacos.
waters, striking hillside panoramas and deep, lush valleys-the
The next morning we arrive in time for lunch in Kiama, keen to
scenery alone is sure to leave you captivated. Bewitching scenery
refuel so we are ready to take on the famous Kiama Coast Walk.
aside, the emerging "foodie scene" is capturing the attention of
Hiking boots on, we agree to take on only the third section of
connoisseurs from far and wide, with an impressive range of re-
the spectacular walk, which in full, stretches from the coastal
nowned restaurants, local produce trails and fresh (as in straight
township of Minnamurra in the north (the place name means
off the boat fresh) seafood available-your
"plenty of fish" in the local Aboriginal dialect) to Werri Beach in
unpack and stay in the Shoal haven. We decide to recharge and
tastebuds will want to
the south, and takes us right out to the cliff edges where we are
refuel at Cupitt's Winery (cupitt.com.au), tucked behind the quaint
convinced we can see whales breaching! After six kilometres of
village of Milton. At this boutique winery and restaurant we taste
cliff tops, ocean views, circling local birdlife, and helpful markers
award-winning wines, learn about the winemaking process, sam-
about the geology and history of the area, my partner's lnstagram
ple local produce, and take in the extraordinary views across the
account almost shuts down under the strain of the multitude of
vines to Burrill Lake and the Budawang ranges. Absolutely magic.
postcard-perfect shots on offer.
■
One to come back to for sure.
just a rental, we take our glistening Porsche along the
to Coast Sports Car (driveporsches.com.au). More than
In reality, we could have spent days exploring the wide variety
of local natural attractions that feature on this three-park walk.
76
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2015
Then we peel ourselves away from one piece of heaven to
experience another. Here we are at Jervis Bay's spectacular white
sandy beaches; it is magnificent to soak up the true wonders of
this enchanting bay. This is truly heaven on earth. Whale and dolphin watch cruises are available from nearby Huskisson, while a
large choice of bushwalks can be found in and around Booderee
National Park. The White Sands Walk along the shores of Jervis
Bay is an enjoyable way to combine regular swims and panoramic
views of the bay, including a dip at famous Hyams Beach with its
crystal white sands.
Having always wanted to experience 'glamping' we arrive at
nearby Paperbark Camp (paperbarkcamp.com.au) to rest our hats
for the evening-a
world of camping for grown-ups. An incred-
ible, soulful experience, we indulge in the beauty and peace
of the cozy setup. Lucky enough to stay in the King Parrot tent
(can we categorically call this camping?), the sea breeze flows
through the canvas, bringing with it the scents of the surrounding
eucalypts. Want to see a kangaroo while you shower? You can
here! The open-air private ensuite is perfect for bird watching and
kangaroo spotting while you enjoy a steaming hot shower.
It seems we have to drag ourselves away early the next
morning, and it's high time for more adventure-we're
ready for a
whole new perspective on this amazing coastline from the air!
After arriving in the township of Moruya, we take off in a
Destination Wollongong, visitwollongong.com.au
Kiama Tourism, kiama.com.au
Shoalhaven Tourism, shoalhavenholidays.com.au
South Coast Seaplane (southcoastseaplanes.com.au) to explore
Montague Island, which has been classified by the National Trust
as a Landscape Conservation Area for its scenic, scientific and
historical values, and if you want to see the littlest penguins, you
Booderee National Park, parksaustralia.gov.au/booderee
will here! A picnic lunch is perfect to sit with these little guys and
Eurobodalla Tourism, eurobodalla.com.au
just be.
Australia's Oyster Coast, oystercoast.com.au
Sightseeing from the sky is thirsty work so we take advantage
of the fact it's the first Friday of the month. The River Moruya
restaurant (therivermoruya.com.au) hosts a local produce dinner
that day, which consists of four courses made up from only fresh
local ingredients.
We decide to throw caution to the wind and stay on another
day. Our final frontier is Australia's newest and most prestigious
food trail-Australia's Oyster Coast, which stretches for 300
kilometres between the Shoalhaven River and the New South
Wales-Victoria border. Home to eight of the most environmentally
sustainable oyster growing estuaries in the world, oysters farmers
here operate under internationally-recognised
environmental
management systems, ensuring pristine aquatic environments
for growing oysters to the highest levels of quality and taste. We
experience the oyster industry first hand by sampling genuine
Oyster Coast produce.
As we settle back into our car to drive north again, we fondly
recall the many pleasures of our few days, and we wonder how
we can transport just a little of Australia's perfect NSW South
Coast back home.
TURES/
TRAVEL
PINK PARADISE
Discovering Australia's lesbian tropical North.
It's entirely possible that an email
BY GEORGIA KROKUS
Frequenters of Sydney's lesbian
scene, which enjoyed its heyday of
boasting multiple-year Trip Advisor and
Travellers Choice awards, the sexy and
lipstick lesbian chic in the 1990s, will
remember Gigi & Andrea, a soignee,
vibrant property is as big a hit as On
the Other Side-and the perfect escape
"Tropical greetings with smiles and
butterflies." And why not? The idyllic,
leather-clad power couple and operators of upscale girls' night On the
from city 'scenes.' Laze around the pool,
enjoy the bar, the grill, and the beautiful
adults-only, pet-friendly resort, located
in Port Douglas, Queensland, is a
Other Side. Now enjoying their 23rd
year together, the pair embarked
gardens of coconut palms and native
flora, which attract many birds. Have
relaxed and happy place, welcoming
on a tropical sea change in the year
2000, and in 2009 took over The Pink
a relaxing and healing massage in the
privacy of your own villa then soak in
Flamingo. Considered one of the top
three best resorts in Port Douglas, and
your outdoor bath by candlelight.
(pinkflamingo.com.au)
from Gigi Legenhausen and Andrea
Groemminger, the proprietors of The
Pink Flamingo, will feature the sign-off
a mixed clientele with lesbians
accounting for approximately
50 percent of guests.
78
CURVE
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2015
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rdfnOOW
TLOOKtSTARS
Sexy Spring
Venus, Mars and Uranus move from pushy Aries into sexy Taurus.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Twilight series star Kristen Stewart
turns 25 on April 9.
PISCES~
(Feb 20-March 20) 1/✓
Pisces is a water sign
and can achieve success
in "liquid" professionslifeguard, oil worker, sailor
or fisherwoman. If fate
is kind, her career path
will enrich her psyche,
expand her dreams
and beautify the world.
Expect to see her in
creative professions such
as artist, writer, dancer
(Pisces rules feet) or as
a fisher of souls such as
seer or faith healer.
~
1/✓
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
~
~
1/✓
1/✓
ARIES~
(March 21-April 20) 1/✓
When a lambda Ram
loves you, she loves you
with her heart and soul.
With only a handful! of
lovergrrls throughout her
life she can remain loyal
as long as she doesn't
feel taken advantage
of. While flirtation may
manifest in the early
stages of a relationship,
as soon as she is
comfortable, she gets
down to business.
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
~
~
1/✓
Aries (March 21-April 20)
All eyes are upon you as you
command attention and boss
the course. You know what and
who you want and are not afraid
to go after them. This can be
very attractive to a certain type
of woman-if you can focus
attention on her long enough
to assess her preferences and
prepare your big move. First
impressions will be lasting
impressions, Aries.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
There is mystery and intrigue
surrounding your every move,
Taurus. Things can look at
once very rosy and then full
of intense emotional turmoil,
depending on the hour. You
float on clouds of love, lust and
longing. Can you use all the
smoke and mirrors to romance
the girl of your crazy dreams?
Or is it the crazy girl of your
dreams?
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Gal pals tend to get in on
your action now. This can be
a welcome move or one that
cramps your style. The best
thing to do is to be honest with
them because they mean well
and have your best interests at
heart. You don't need a buttinsky, Gemini, but you sure
could use a partner in crime.
Crime of the heart, that is.
~ Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Your professional goals get a
1/✓
~ boost as all of your hard work
begins to pay off. For those
~
who have burned the midnight
1/✓
~ oil to get a certain project
done, accolades are in your
1/✓ future. For those who have
~
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor~
mastered the political waters, a
of HerScopes:
A Guide
to Astrology~
key to the star chamber could
for Lesbians
(Simon
& Schuster),
~ be yours. Will it be lonely at
nowavailable
asanebook(tinyurl.1/✓ the top? Maybe you could
com/HerScopes).
~ occasionally try new positions.
80
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
Leo (July 24-Aug 23)
Expand your horizons through
travel or higher education, Leo.
Take a last minute vacation, rest
and recharge. If you can't get
away, try to find amusements
closer to home but off the
beaten path. You have become
too insular, falling into a routine.
Get out of your comfort zone
and find an exotic lovergrrl who
can hum your drum.
Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)
It's time to let loose and have
a little fun, Sagittarius. You will
be given many opportunities to
go out and play. Crash the best
parties and toss a few basheroos
yourself. Tap into your creativity
and make a bold artistic
statement. See what kind of
mischief you can get into. Miss
Chief might even like to have
you around more often.
Virgo (Aug 24-Sept 23)
It may still technically be cool
weather but now you are
hot, hot, hot, Virgo! There is
something very alluring about
you now. You look great and
instinctively know how to show
it off. How did this happen?
Why ask why? You have a magic
potion of passion. Bottle it
up and pour it out in sensible
portions. You attract ladies like
flies. Or is it fly girls?
Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)
Home is where your heart is
... at least that is the plan now,
Capricorn. Find time to cocoon
with a special you-knowwho and totally enjoy your
surroundings. And if you are
in the mood to spruce things
up, find some expert help in
remodeling or renovating. Is
there a jungle pattern in your
future? Only if you include
some felines in your plans.
Libra(Sept24-Oct23)
Do you have a special someone
to share your life, Libra? If so
spoil her all through March
and April and let her know
how special she is to you. You
have the opportunity to make
something good even better,
warmer and closer. If you are
looking for Ms. Right, this is the
time to get out and graze in
new pastures.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)
You have some brash and
earth-shaking ideas waiting
to be unleashed. So don't be
shy, Aqueerius. Muster up
your confidence, get your
notes together and find the
right audience to deliver your
message. It could have global
impact and change the course
of your personal landscape.
Massage your message, or
maybe just massage?
Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)
Scorpios might find that they
are spending more time around
the office now. There is certainly
a lot of work that needs to get
done. You can be very strategic,
organized, and industrious if you
set your mind to it. Or you can
peruse the office pool to see if
you want to dive in and get a
little bit wet after hours. But are
you really working hard, or hardly
working?
Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
Turn your attention to your
financial wellbeing now. You
need to start planning for a
cushy retirement. Find the
right adviser, do some fiscal
homework and start feathering
your nest for your lovebird.
Or find a well-endowed
benefactress to help fluff your
pillow. Or stuff your pillow.
Whatever works for you,
Guppie.
ROMANTIC LESBIAN FILMS
FROM ~ WolfeVideo.com!
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A commitment phobic lesbian
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Groundbreaking stories of
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include A PerfectEnding,
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" • CffiJMAGAZII
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MAR/APR
2015
FEATURES
18
SILENT NO MORE
A personal story about child
sexual abuse and how to move
forward. By Jevaline Johnson
2~
THE LAST WORD ON
LESBIAN SEX
Sexuality author Diana Cage
has some hot tips for your love
life. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
38
GETTING THE GOODS
The latest trend in the tomboy
fashion revolution sends style to
your door.
~1
OUR BODIES, OUR SELVES
A spectrum of body positive
and gender variant expressions.
By Marcie Bianco, Lyndsey
D'Arcangelo, Melanie Dornier,
Merryn Johns, and Taylor Anne
Smith
56
MAGNIFICENT MONIFAH
The R&B star (and newlywed)
is back and better than ever!
By Dave Steinfeld
59
ALL ABOUT THAT
MEGHAN TRAINOR
The little pop goddess with the
big voice has a body-positive
message. By Kelly McCartney
71
DOING IT DOWN UNDER
An insider's guide to Aussie
vacations. By Lynne Hocking
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
1
MAR/APR
2015
36
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IN EVERYISSUE
4
EDITOR'S NOTE
6
CURVETTES
8
FEEDBACK
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TRENDS
REVIEWS
9 BEAUTY
All-natural, cruelty-free products to bring your skin from
winter to spring.
28 MUSIC
Jennifer Knapp shares her
heartfelt story of coming out
as a lesbian and keeping her
Christian faith. Plus we review
the latest lesbocentric music
releases. By Kelly McCartney
11 LES LOOKS LIKE
Meet lesbian model-activist,
Candida Valentina.
12 LESBOFILE
Our favorite celesbians
behaving very badly.
VIEWS
14 OUT IN FRONT
Meet our community leaders.
14 IN CASE YOU MISSED
IT ... LGBT news from across
the country. By Sassafras
Lowrey
16 POLITICS
In the spirit of Women's History
Month, we ask what needs to
be done to embrace the real
lesbian body. By Victoria A.
Brown worth
22 LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
Relationship advice from our
trusted butch-femme duo.
75
2
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
31 FILM
Appropriate Behavior was one
of the best queer feature films
on the 2014 festival circuit, and
a must-watch if you haven't yet
seen it. By Marcie Bianco
33 BOOKS
Did you know that Freud's
daughter Anna was a lesbian?
What affect did she have on his
writings, and how did his analysis shape her life? A new novel
by Rebecca Coffey reveals all.
By Joan Lipkin
36 GIFT GUIDE
A collection of sexy swag to
put some spice into your postValentine's Day love life.
to love my body or believe that anyone else would. Now that I'm
on the other side of forty and a good deal fatter, this all seems like
ancient history. So why do I mention it? Because skinny-shaming is
just as bad as having a fat phobia. Discrimination based on anything is
wrong, period.
This is our Body issue and this year we're not focusing much on body
size (although we love Meghan Trainor of'J\ll About That Bass" fame
so much, we put her on the cover). If you are happy and healthy, it
shouldn't matter what size you are-a plus or a minus. I assume that
everybody who reads Curve is body positive. After all, we're not a traditional women's magazine-we don't play on your insecurities to push
products. So I also assume that you wish to read articles and see images
that make you feel good about yourself. As our cover girl sings,
"Isee the magazines "v01~kiI1'
that
Photoshop
'\Veknow that shit ain't real
C'mon now, make it stop ...
'Cause eve1~yinch or you is 1Je1~rect
From the bottom to the top."
Body Love
wasa very late developer. In junior high I was underweight,
flat chested, and my legs were so skinny I appeared to
be knock-kneed! I was just not curvy and feminine like
the other girls. I didn't fit in and nothing fit me. After
contracting a virus I lost my appetite and shed even more
weight. I covered myself up in baggy clothes. I didn't want anyone to
look at me. I tried to disappear. I certainly didn't have what is now
called "thin privilege:' Not when people called me "Stick" and "Lanky
Legs"; not when they accused me of being anorexic. It was a painful
period in my life that I'll admit gave me a few hang-ups about food,
fashion, and even being around other females. It took me a long time
I
I love the diversity in this issue: From an international lesbian tattoo artist to a lesbian artist who paints wine-infused nudes; from a female-born Indian who lives as a man to Afghan girls who pass as boys;
from buttery balms for your body to butch bespoke fashion; from sexy
gifts and toys to loving relationship advice; from an embattled trans
athlete to a BDSM educator who empowers women-this
issue is
about being comfortable in your skin and finding power and confidence
in your body.
And on that note, say good-bye to winter and hello to spring!
!z
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
Curve's online selection of must-do, must-try, must-have extras.
ADVICE
ARE YOU IN YOUR SKIN?
Ignore the labels others put
on you and discover your
true self. Who am I? That
tends to be the question
that many people ask
themselves. Yet it seems
this question is posed more
within the LGBTQ community. It's hard enough to exist
in this world as an individual
with a distinct skin tone, race or religion. However, by adding "homosexual" to this equation, the answer to this question becomes much more
complex. Read more on
G curvemag.com
EVENTS
EXHIBITIONS
DO YOU MODIFY YOUR BODY THROUGH FASHION?
Are all forms of fashionable body modification to please ourselves or society? Women have shaped their bodies into distinctive silhouettes in the
name of fashion, and this will be examined in an exciting exhibition fresh
from Paris, Fashioning the Body: An Intimate History of the Silhouette
will be on display at the Bard Graduate Center in New York from April 3
through July 26, 2015. Take a peek at the many devices and materials
that women (and men!) have used to shape their silhouettes from the
seventeenth century to today, at G curvemag.com
I MIGHT STEAL YOUR HEART
CULTURE
TECH
FRENCH FEMINIST APP
Fancy yourself a thinking feminist? Then you'll be interested in the cool
new app featuring French feminist philosopher Monique Wittig, famous
for stating that a lesbian is not a woman-and
distinguishing lesbians
from the "heterosexual contract," which bound our straight sisters! Learn
more and get the app at G curvemag.com.
•
~BUT
l'LL LEAVE YOUR CAR.
NEWS
RUBYROSE BREAKINGHEARTSON THE BIG SCREEN
The Aussie household name is set to take over O/TNB in
Season 3. If you don't know of this Aussie LGBT icon, model,
DJ,and all round heartthrob then prepare yourself (like Piper
and Alex) for the latest lustworthy inmate to hit Litchfield
Prison in Orange /s The New Black Season 3.
Read more on
G curvemag.com
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We have some of the leading voices in our community
sharing their thoughts on
love and romance, parenting and politics, and sex and
spirituality-not to mention
our huge collection of lesbian fandom.
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
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5
, YANA
YALLON-HICKS
JOAN
LIPKIN
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
MAR/APR
Yana studies
Marriage & Family
Therapy at Antioch
University in the
hopes of becoming the best damn queer sex
therapist in the land. She received her undergraduate degree in queer studies and sex
education, worked as a sex educator/sales
associate at sex toy shops Good Vibrations
and She Bop and has had sex on the brain
ever since. Yana's sexpertise has appeared
in Bitch, The Toast, Autostraddle.com, and
her sex column in the Valley Advocate. She
interviews Lesbian Sex Bible author Diana
Cage on page 24.
Joan is a playwright,
director, educator
and social activist
who divides her time
between New York City, St Louis and other
places. Her work is published in numerous
anthologies and publications including Ms,
Lambda Literary and Windy City Times.
She has received many awards including
a Visionary, James F. Hornbeck Ethical
Humanist of the Year, Women and Theatre
Achievement for Activism and Performance
and Arts Innovator of the Year. This issue
she investigates the untold lesbian story
concerning Sigmund Freud on page 33.
2015
LESBIAN
» VOLUME
MAGAZINE
25 NUMBER
2
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITORIN CHIEF Merryn Johns
SENIORCOPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Melanie Barker, Kathy Beige,
Marcie Bianco, Victoria A. Brownworth, Gina Daggett,
Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Sheryl Kay, Gillian Kendall, Dave
Steinfeld, Jocelyn Voo
PROOFREADERAmanda Keeling
EDITORIALASSISTANTSLisa Tedesco, Cora Shaye-Pope, Erin
Wilson
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
ADVERTISING
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Bruno Cesar Guimaraes
DAVE
STEINFELD
Dave grew up
in suburban
Connecticut but
has lived for years
in New York City. He has been obsessed
with music for as long as he can remember
and started writing about it professionally
in 1999. He has since written for numerous
outlets and is a contributing editor for
Curve for which he has interviewed Lucas
Silveira, Ani DiFranco, Mary Gauthier, and
many others. Although nothing comes
close to music, Dave's other interests
include books, basketball, Buddhism and
Bugs Bunny. His interview with Monifah
Carter is on page 56.
LYNNE
HOCKING
Lynne has worked
in senior management for Tourism
Australia, Tourism
NT and the South Coast Regional Tourism
Organisation. She started the first gay and
lesbian travel company in Australia bringing
gays and lesbians from around the world to
the land Down Under. A hall of fame member of the IGLTAand a founding member of
the Gay and Lesbian Travel Association of
Australia, Lynne spends her life travelling in
her beloved motorhome or her 4WD with
her partner Linda, who she met on a trip to
western Queensland. Read her travel tips on
page 71.
SOCAL MEDIA
MANAGERBel Evans
INTERNSLucy Doyle, Erika Tamm, Lex Giggs
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Jenny Block, Kelsy Chauvin, Jill Goldstein,
Kristin Flickinger, Gillian Kendall, Kim Hoffman, Francesca
Lewis, Charlene Lichtenstein, Sassafras Lowrey, Kelly
McCartney, Emelina Minero, Dana Piccoli, Laurie K.
Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson,
Rosanna Rios-Spicer, Stella & Lucy, Yana Tallon-Hicks,
Sarah Toce
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Steph Brusig, Meagan Cignoli, Melanie Dornier, Sophy
Holland, Syd London, Maggie Parker, Diana Price, B.
Proud, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE(415) 871-0569
FAX (510) 380-7487
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070 (toll-free in us only)
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ADVERTISINGEMAIL todd@curvemagazine.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
MELANIE
DORNIER
Melanie is a 34-yearold French photographer whose work
is inspired by the
culture and lifestyle of China and India,
where she has lived for 7 years. Using her
background in sociology, Melanie works
on long-term projects on themes of social
change and gender. Her work has been
published worldwide and in 2011 her peers
recognized her as an emerging photographer in the Salon de la Photo of Paris.
A mother, backpacker, skiing enthusiast,
keen reader and lover of design, Melanie is
based in Delhi. Visit melaniedornier.com.
JEVALINE
JOHNSON
Jevaline is a senior
manager with a
large nonprofit
organization. She
has a Bachelor of
Science in Political Science and a Juris
Doctorate with a sub-specialty in litigation.
When she isn't creating her latest piece of
prose, Jevaline enjoys running, researching,
and advocating to raise awareness about
sexual abuse. Jevaline's other passions
include reading literature, being outdoors,
playing her keyboard, and visiting with
family and friends. She currently resides in
the Midwest, near her family. Her story as a
survivor of child sexual abuse is on page 18.
Volume 25 Issue 2 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 6 times
per year (January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August,
September/October,
November/December)
by Avalon Media,
LLC, PO Box 467, New York NY 10034. Subscription
price:
$39.90/year, $39.90 Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $69.90
international (U.S. funds only). Returned checks will be assessed
a $25 surcharge. Periodicals postage paid at San Francisco, CA
94114 and at additional mailing offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents
of Curve Magazine may not be reproduced in any manner, either
whole or in part, without written permission from the publisher.
Publication of the name or photograph of any persons or
organizations appearing, advertising or listing in Curve may not be
taken as an indication of the sexual orientation of that individual or
group unless specifically stated. Curve welcomes letters, queries,
unsolicited manuscripts and artwork. Include SASE for response.
Lack of any representation only signifies insufficient materials.
Submissions cannot be returned unless a self-addressed stamped
envelope is included. No responsibility is assumed for loss or
damages. The contents do not necessaraly represent the opinions
of the editor, unless specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly.
Subscription Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC.,
PO Box 467 New York NY 10034, email crvcs@magserv.com.
Canadian Agreement Number: 40793029. Postmaster: Send
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Box 122, Niagara Falls, ON L2E 6S8. Send U.S. address changes to
crvcs@magserv.com,
Curve, PO Box 17138, N. Hollywood,
CA 91615-7138.Printed in the U.S.
curvemag.com
6
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
WE GIVE YOU A BETTER NIGHT
-<-
You put more carpe in the diem
TYLENOL®
For what matters mosr
Use only as directed.
TYLENOL® PM relieves pain while helping
you fall fast asleep and stay asleep.
POST
ON
FACEBOOK!
Thebest
comment
posted
each
month
could
winyou
afree
digital
subscription!
AN ISSUE FOR THE AGES
Many, many thanks for the
special issue "Our Generation"
(V.25#1). I also belong to "our
generation;' being a lawyer,
65 years old, and working in
Germany for the advancement
of our rights for 35 years, es~
pecially for the rights of trans
and lesbian people. -Maria
Sabine Augstein, Germany
Loved the diversity in your
first issue for 2015 [V.25#1].
Old, young, black, white,
femme, butch, lesbian, queer ...
I spent hours devouring this
issue. It's your best yet!
-Tania Browning,
ChristchurchNew Zealand
THE RIGHT ARTICLES
Thank you for "Motherhood
in Black and White" by Victo~
ria A. Brownworth [V.25#1].
Having followed the Payton
Cramblett case I had so many
emotions and thoughts-sad~
ness, anger, pity, and hope. I
couldn't really wrap my head
around all the angles until I
read this story, so thank you
for doing what only the best
magazines are able to achieve.
- Kirsten Williams, Green
Brook NJ.
I love your magazine. My girl~
friend and I got the Jan/Feb
mag and you had the article
"The Wrong Path'' (which I
can so totally identify with).
Being in prison is really not
as fun at all as they make it
seem on TV and not everyone
is lucky to have that support
group outside, especially being
a lesbian and Latina. I was
convicted of possession with
intent and now that I'm close
to being out the door (after
doing my time) I'm at risk of
Posts from our Facebook fans
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
facebook.com/curvemag ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Was so excited to see Edie
Windsor on the cover of the
January issue, and the corner
including Thea's photo. A
beautiful love story! -Alicia
Gilbertson
Edie Windsor is one of my
favorite Curve covers of all time.
She looks amazing and classy!
Well done! -Sarah Gray
getting deported to a country
I'm so unfamiliar with, and
to be honest, that's very scary,
especially because I was raised
in the U.S. and now because
of one bad choice I'm at a
high risk. Thank you for all
the helpful information and
the positive things in your
magazine. -Azucena Molina,
Tallahassee,FL.
REVISITING THE BODY
I would like to acknowledge the
relevant and important mes~
sages in the 2014 article"Body
I have so much respect for her!
Where would we be today in
our fight for equality without
Edie?! -Desiree R Montes
I love love love her ...... such
spirit!!! -Angela Vaughn
Such a beautiful woman, with
an amazing story to tell! -Lori
Bykowski
Love'' (V.24#3). The connection
Lambert has on being a queer
and plus size woman creates
a positive movement in the
industry. If we want to change
the perception of what beauty
is, what better way to have an
advocate who sells out stadiums
and sings at the VMAs with
these powerful messages on
our side. I want to stand and
applaud Curve for continuing
the important connection
between people and acceptance.
- BrittanyDunn, CaliforniaState
University,NorthridgeCA.
■i•)1■::::::::::::::::::::.·.::::::::::::::::::::::::.::::::::::::::::::::::::.·.::::::::::::::::::::::.·.·.i
ACCORDING
TO
GLAMOUR
MAGAZINE,
97PERCENT
OF I
17% Me too, and I blame
the media for it.
4,6%
Hmmm...it depends
on my mood.
29%
Not me, I love my
body just as it is!
9°0
If my partner loves my
body, I'm happy.
WRITE
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
letters@curvemagazine.com
US! 510.380.7487
curvemag.com/letters
Send to:
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8
CURVE
MAR/APR
Online:
2015
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curvemag.com/customerservice.
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TRENDS/
Spring Skin
Swcct'lhing
SLOUGH OFF THAT DRYWINTERSKIN
WITH THESENATURALPRODUCTS.
BY MELANIE BARKER
BEAU
~
EmerginC's Ginger-Lime Sugar Scrub smells good enough
to eat! This 100% natural, luxurious scrub is the perfect
antidote for the late winter
blues and leaves your skin
feeling supple, hydrated,
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emerg1nC
soent1f1c,
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Golden Girl
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oil, Midnight Honey. Using nutritious
honey and herbs, this bath and
beauty oil deeply conditions the
skin anywhere on the body, ridding
you of the dry patches caused by
cold weather, and leaving you satiny
smooth. 100% natural, certified
organic ingredients, hypoallergenic,
non-irritating, dermatologically tested
and no animal testing.
($39, farmaesthetics.com)
Swiss Performance
Karin Herzog's Shower Body Scrub is
perfect for oilier skins that want to be
polished like new. High quality and
effective, this fine scrub is made with
white marble powder, jojoba, almond oil,
apricot oil and vitamin E, all of which help
remove dead skin cells and refine without
abrasion or irritation.
($55, karinherzog.com)
.Juic~'.Jo~·
Not all lubes are created equal, or good for your body. Get Wet, a
brand new line of water-based personal lubricants, is the first to utilize
all-natural ingredients such as hemp seed oil and slippery elm, and
offer sexy fragrances like Berry Moist, Mint Lime Squirt, Juicy Melon,
Cinnamon Sugar Drizzle. Plus they're vegan, gluten- and cruelty free,
and free of the toxins found in many commercial lubes.
($15, getwetlubricant.com)
\'cs Please
Liquids work for massages, but for something different try these longlasting, all-natural, preservative-free, solid massage bars from LUSH.
Made with moisturizing butters and essential oils the bars melt directly
onto warm skin and don't leave a greasy residue. Great for travel or
no-mess bedside action, our faves are the jasmine-scented Yes, Yes, Yes
and the soothing icy-hot Wiccy Magic Muscles. ($11,lushusa.com)
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What we love about SkinAgain's Youth, Rescue, Relief,
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SkinAgain's mission is not about perfection, it's about feeling
strong inside and out-which founder Sherry Berrie, a burn
victim, knows all about. Plus every product comes with a
suggested affirmation and positive energy hologram!
($38 and up, skinagain.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
9
NDS/
THE GAYDAR
p
I
!~e~ o~~!~~~one?
Let our gaydar help
~ you decide who's hot, who's not, who's
~ shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
~
BY MELANIE BARKER
~
Pride, an awardwinning film set in
Thatcher's England
about a group of gay
and lesbian activists
who support striking
miners, has its publicity
straightwashed for
American release
We fondly remember
Amy Adams' lesbian
kisses in Cruel Intentions
2, Standing Still, and
American Hustle, but her
boob-grabbing lesbian
cat lady on SNL is the
best yet
She's flirted with Whoopi
Goldberg, Jennifer Aniston,
Sarah Jessica Parker, and told
Joy Behar she was "Bisexual,
whatever!" Now Barbara
Walters asks Chelsea Handler
to go gay
C
QD
HBO drops
Ryan Murphy's
relationships
drama Open,
meaning we
won't get to
see the divine
AnnaTorv
play gay again
Ellen DeGeneres
and Portia De Rossi
continue to share their
epic love in adorable
social media posts
including this makeupfree selfie from the
beach
Jackie Warner has an
album out. Is there
anything she can't do?
CURVE
MAR/APR
Japan's
fascination with
faux lesbians
continues with
girl-group The
Hoopers, "seven
girls dressed as
beautiful boys"
Korrasami
confirmed!
Nickelodeon's
Legend of Korra
features the muchdesired lesbian love
storyline between
Korra and Asami!
Australia's Ruby
Rose joins the
cast of OITNB.
Litchfield is
about to get hot!
10
Seattle's The
Wildrose bar on
East Pike Street
celebrates 30 years
of pouring drinks
and providing a
venue for local
dykes. Cheers,
ladies!
2015
Empire, executive
produced by The L
Word's Ilene Chaiken,
features AzMarie
Livingston and real
life girlfriend Raven
Symone
Ellen Page and
Kate Mara are
just the cutest in
Funny Or Die's
exclusive series, Tiny
Detectives
NDstGOSSIP
p
~ LESBOFILE
~
~
Some of our favorite celebs
are on the verge of romantic
revelations. BY JOCELYN voo
~
BABYLOVE
First comes love, then comes baby?
Queen Latifah, who's long been linked to
Eboni Nichols, has started talking about
the next steps to Closermagazine. "I'm
always thinking about [becoming a mother].
Hopefully one day it will be my blessing."
spangled Spice Girl crop tops and hair-antennae, it's something of the past. "But I will
Her newfound focus on her personal life
may be due to some professional setbacks:
be the first one to compliment a woman,
to say to my husband, 'Oh my God, look at
the Grammy winner's talk show was given
the ax a month prior, so now "I'm going to
her legs;' or 'Doesn't she look stunning?';'
she adds. "I do think women are gorgeous.
take a little time and focus on Dana; she
said, referring to her birth name. "Focus on
Crazy but gorgeous."
Couldn't have said it better ourselves.
D-love for a minute and then I'll come back
out swinging."
REALHOUSEWIFEGETS REAL
You better believe we're on bump-watch.
A DASH OF SPICE
After years of isolated incidents of
Brandi Glanville, one-seventh of the
drama on Rea/Housewivesof BeverlyHills, is
no stranger to the tabloid life, particularly
when it comes to past romances: her split
getting sweet with the ladies, Mel B, of The
Spice Girls and British TheX Factorjudg-
with actor Eddie Cibrian, who left her for
Leanne Rimes, was well-publicized gossip
ing fame, now opens up to TheGuardian
about having a four-year relationship with a
fodder. And now Glanville is generating her
own, telling Huff Post Live that she's slept
woman before she was married to Stephen
Belafonte, her now husband of seven years.
with both men and women, but demurs to
labeling herself. "I love beautiful people,"
"People call me lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual, but I know who's in my bed and
she said. "If you're a man, you're a man. If
you're a woman, you're a woman. I'm not a
lesbian and I'm not straight."
that's it," she said. "I have a huge libido and
a great sex life."
So who is the mystery lady? Potentially a
woman named Christa Parker, who told The
Sun that they met when their kids attended
the same school.
"While we were talking out on the deck
[of Mel's Hollywood mansion], one thing
led to another and it happened," she
purportedly said. "I got into Mel's bed and
she followed me in there. She told me, 'I'm
horny shall we make love?' I said 'OK'?"
Mel B's reps vehemently deny that their
client was involved with Parker-but not that
she had a long-term female relationship.
Still, don't get too excited. Much like her
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2015
Perhaps this is as "real" as reality TV gets?
T-SWIZZLEON THE TURN?
Current pop queen Taylor Swift is
known for holding court with a tight-knit
BrandiGlanville
group of celebrity gal pals, but her current
BFF is none other than Victoria's Secret
model Karlie Kloss. In addition to the
pair tweeting glowing sentiments about
each other on a regular basis, Swift also
told RollingStone that she keeps a spare
bedroom in her NYC pad just for Kloss.
(Cue images of pillow fights dancing in our
heads.) Under normal circumstances, a girl
having a guest bedroom for her best friend
wouldn't be news. However, amidst the
surfacing of a grainy photo of the twosome
possibly-maybe-potentially-but-probably-not kissing (which Swift and her
publicist both laughed off), coupled
with the singer's well-documented serial
man-dissing, we're going to call it a far
reach- one that we really wish were true.
TRENDS/
SHEs
Look at me,
what do you think?
Of course I am not a
lesbian. - African actor
Yvonne Nelson to
Vanguard
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
13
st PROFILE
IN CASE
YOU
MISSED
IT ...
Christine Guelpa
Firefighting
Services» Massachusetts
As Christine Guelpa sat watching the fire trucks pass
by her office window, she came to recognize that that
was where she needed to be. She wanted to help others,
and that desire was just as strong as her need to get out
from behind her desk job.
J.K.
ROWLING,
THE
AUTHOR
OF
THE
"I knew I wanted to do something that came with
a sense of respect and responsibility," she says. "I was
Harry Potter series, has taken to Twitter to answer
fans' questions about the books and lives of the
characters. One fan asked Rowling if there are LGBT
students at Hogwarts. Rowling responded that of
course there are, and Tweeted an image that reads,
"If Harry Potter taught us anything, it's that no one
should live in a closet."
determined to make this happen, no matter how long it
took and how many exams I had to take."
Fortunately, Guelpa held on to her dream, and in 1995,
after being one of the top-scoring females on the civil
service exam that year, she interviewed with the fire chief
in Somerville, Mass., and was promptly brought on board.
She knew she was going to have to prove herself as a
female firefighter right from the start, and it would be a
challenge.
THE
J.WALT
"I didn't go into this job expecting to be treated differ-
agency has released
campaign for Tyleno
What Matters Most,"
of ads showcases contempo
American families One of th
Is a lesbian family In a setting
reminiscent of a Norman Roe
paIntIng, the lesbian family Is
shown around the dinner tabl
with their three children and t
ex husband of one of the women,
who Is the father of the two older
children
ently;' she says, "I wanted to be treated like an equal."
Over the years, Guelpa says the men have treated her
with utmost respect. In fact, in a way, being an out lesbian may have been an asset-she has never encountered
any sexual advances from her co-workers and feels she
has connected with them more naturally than she would
have if she had been a heterosexual female.
"They don't have to suppress their humor or feel the
need to be guarded around me," she says. "Sometimes
we find ourselves checking out the same women, and
laugh about it."
Of course, the firehouse is not all laughter and
BARBARA
WALTERS,
INA
camaraderie. Guelpa has found herself more than once
Most Fasc1nat1ngPeople of 2014
IntervIew for her ABC News
special, asked the comedian
Chelsea Handler 1fshe would ever
facing life-threatening situations, from caring for severely
wounded victims, to fighting fires in buildings that contain chemical accelerants, and even live ammunition.
"I never know what I am going to come across;' she
says. "A basic working fire can go wrong in a split second
and end up being a multiple alarm, with causalities and
people losing their lives:'
To other women who might be considering a slide
down the pole (and yes, she really does do that to get
to her engine), Guelpa advises being emotionally and
physically strong. In a burning building, all that matters is
teamwork to get the job done. By Sheryl Kay
~
~
~
consider having a relat1onsh1pwith
a woman The subJect came up
amid a string of questions about
Handler's admitted promIscuIty.
Handler responded, "I'm not a
lesbian" And when Walters kept
pressing, she said, "I wish I was I
would help you I would try
to make this IntervIew
more exc1t1ng"
JEALOUS
THAT
YOUR
GAY
guy friends can meet other
men on Grindr? Sc1ssr-a new,
location-based geosoc1al dating
app "designed by lesbians, for
lesb1ans"-1s a "classier" way to
help you out The free app was
created by Allison Ullrich, and will
soon be available for worldwide
downloads
QUITMAN
HIGH
SCHOOL,
IN
Arkansas, has canceled a program
of speeches historically given
by the members of the school's
Homecoming court. According
to students and faculty, during a
rehearsal for the Homecoming
ceremony a 15-year-old student,
whose 1dent1tyhas not been
released, gave a speech saying she
was born a lesbian, and the most
memorable moment of her life was
coming out to her parents After
rehearsal, she and her parents
agreed to remove the lesbian
content from her speech, but the
school canceled the speeches,
claiming the program was
too lengthy
By Sassafras Lowrey
~
14
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2015
The Florida Keys
Key~st
Close To Perfect - Fctrfrom Normal
POLITICS»
Embracing Our Real Bodies
As women who love other women, it is imperative that we
learn to develop a healthier body image.
BY VICTORIA A. BROWNWORTH
I met Audre Lorde when I was in my
mid~20s at a party in New York City. It
was a star~studded event where I was the
youngest woman there, brought as the
plus~one of a friend 20 years my senior.
After a sit~down dinner at Phyllis
Chesler's apartment, music was playing
and some of the women started dancing.
Audre Lorde pulled me, the only woman
in a skirt, to my feet and we danced.
It was thrilling. I had discovered Audre's
work in college and was in awe of her. I
wasn't thinking that she and all the other
women there were as old as my own moth~
er. I was thinking that I was in the midst
of feminist and lesbian greatness and that
this was a moment I would likely remem~
ber forever.
Thirty years later, the memory remains
amazingly crisp and vivid.
Audre was wearing a loose, dashi~
ki~style top that night, but as we danced I
was suddenly aware that she had only one
breast. Soon after that party, I was diag~
nosed with breast cancer myself, making
that evening, that dance, resonate in an
entirely different way.
16
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When I was in high school, a woman
whom I knew was a lesbian moved in across
the street. I can't explain how I knew, I just
did. Because she had cerebral palsy, she
walked with a lurching, staggering gait and
her speech was garbled, but I found that all
it took to understand her was to be truly
listening. I was eager to learn everything I
could from her, so I would sit on her porch
and talk with her as she told me about her
life. Eventually, I met her partner, a non~dis~
abled butch who seemed oblivious to her
girlfriend's disability.
If we encounter imperfect bodies, either
in our own community or in the larger
culture, we don't accept them. Perfection
is the standard and we focus on that. In
reality, very few American women of any
age have perfect bodies, yet that is the
standard we are all expected to meet.
Audre Lorde and the woman who lived
across the street from me in my child~
hood-call her Ms. X-were way outside
the norms of perfection as defined by the
male~gaze culture. Audre didn't seem to
care that she had lost a breast to cancer.
She was utterly assured of her own sensu~
ality and sexiness and exuded that. Ms. X
didn't abrogate her femmey~ness because
she had CP, and Ms. X's butch partner
showed her the same deference she would
have shown any other femme.
Yet despite these early models of lesbi~
ans who loved their imperfect bodies, and
were loved in return, I have always wanted
my body to be different from what it was
at any given time.
I am far from alone. One aspect of
Women's History Month that will never
make the headlines is our historic ha~
tred of our own bodies. Ms. X and Au~
dre Lorde were anomalies: women who
seemed not to care about their physical
imperfections. Perhaps each of them was
grateful to be alive-Audre
surviving
cancer, Ms. X surviving the injury to her
brain that could have killed her, or left her
far more physically disabled than she was.
But millions of other American women
have never reached that level of confi~
dence, or bravado.
We are socialized to hate our bodies
from an early age. We hate that we aren't
boys. We hate that we get breasts, and
VIEWS/POLI
our periods, and that our world suddenly changes: We have to protect our bodies
from outside attack-sexual
harassment,
sexual assault, pregnancy.
We are taught we are imperfect. We
are surrounded by ads for the products
necessary to make ourselves presentable.
The list of products is long, from vaginal
washes and sprays to erase the scent of
our femaleness, to special razors to make
us hairless everywhere, to make-ups and
creams and depilatories to make us as
pretty as society insists we should be.
Most of us accept that prescriptive list
and try hard to make ourselves palatable
to the (patriarchal) world. We accept that
we aren't good enough as we are. And
while some men are now seeking out
Botox injections, facial fillers, and plastic surgery, more than 90 percent of the
cosmetic-procedure industry is directed
toward and used by women. Over 80 percent of bariatric surgeries for rapid weight
loss are performed on women.
In a story arc that's a season and a half
long on ABC's Emmy-winning drama
Greys Anatomy, Dr. Arizona Robbins
(Jessica Capshaw) is injured in a smallplane crash. Her wife, Dr. Callie Torres
(Sara Ramirez), an orthopedic surgeon,
does everything possible to save Arizona's
leg, but when sepsis sets in, the leg has to
go or Arizona will die.
In seasons 9 and 10, coming to terms
with her new body is extremely difficult
for Arizona. She even has an affair-in
part, it seems, to prove she is still attractive to someone other than Callie, who has
known her since before she lost her leg.
Our hatred of our bodies is pandemic-it doesn't require losing a body part
to be at war with one's body. The Republican-driven War on Women is localized
around women's bodies and who has control over them. In other cultures, showing
any part of our bodies is against the law.
Chador is mandatory. In still more places,
FGM-female
genital mutilation-robs
us violently of our most intrinsically female parts.
We are constantly bombarded with
messages that say our bodies aren't really
ours. We are told what we can and cannot do with them-so
it's not surprising
that we have internalized that war against
them in myriad ways. How many of us
have slept with women who told us they
didn't like this or that about their bod-
ies:' How many times have we apologized
for our own bodies, even if we actually
thought our bodies were fine, because we
thought someone else would not:'
The reality of our femaleness is that our
bodies are in constant flux just because
they are female bodies. Our hormones
change our bodies at least once a month.
We bloat and we bleed. We get hyper-sexual and then anti-sexual.
This is a wholly female experience.
So too is childbirth. If we decide to have
children, childbirth changes our bodies forever. Stretch marks. Saggier breasts with
bigger nipples. Vaginas that are no longer
the tight fit they once were. Sometimes our
bladders leak at the least provocation.
with in my early 30s), lupus, myasthenia
gravis, rheumatoid arthritis.
These are the many things that can ravage us, leaving permanent scars.
But nothing ravages us like we ravage
ourselves by hating our bodies. A survey
by Glamour magazine in 2014 found that
97 percent of American women have an "I
hate my body" moment every day. A survey in the London Daily Mail found that
90 percent of British women were depressed by their bodies. Psychology Today
found that 80 percent of women disliked
their bodies "extremely;' and only 12 percent were satisfied with their body size.
New York magazine found that 90 percent
of middle school girls hated their bodies.
The Huflington Post writes that we are
raising girls to hate their bodies.
In December 2014, Australian feminist
activist Stella Young died suddenly at only
32. Only three feet tall, Young was born
with a crippling genetic disease that kept
her in a wheelchair.
Young wrote and spoke extensively
about the disabled body and how disabled
bodies are Othered by our perfectionist
culture. In one column, she wrote about
dancing in her wheelchair at a party and
the ad hominem responses of the abled
people around her.
Our perceptions of our own bodies limit us. Yet all our bodies will age, products
and procedures notwithstanding, and aging is often quite disabling. Any one of us
could lose a limb to an accident, like the
TV character Arizona; or a breast to cancer, like Audre. We could be born disabled,
like Stella Young or Ms. X; or be felled by
disability later in life, like I have been.
So what will it take to make us love the
bodies we are in, to revel in them, rather than revile them:' What will it take to
make us stop bonding with one another
over what we think is wrong with our
bodies:' What will it take for us to stop
Othering ourselves to ourselves:' My
20-something self was in awe of Audre
Lorde, breast or no breast. Her age and
that of the other women at that party was
irrelevant to me. Did I change, or did the
culture consume me:'
It's Women's History Month and this
body hatred is one of our most hidden,
most sordid histories. Our hatred, both
collective and individual, of our female
bodies is one historical reality we would
be far better off without.•
V[RY
~tWAM[RICAN
WOM[N
0~ANY
AG[HAVt
PtR~tCT
BODI
tS,YtTTHAT
IS
TH[STANDARD
Wt
AR[All tXPtCTtD
TOMttl
''
As we age, our bodies broaden at the
base. Our bones aren't as dense. We lose
height, we gain ass and hips. Post-menopause, our skin loses its suppleness. Our
vaginas get thinner and less lubricated.
Our sex drive changes.
And some of us get cancer. Breast, cervical, ovarian, uterine, endometrial-those
are our female cancers. But increasingly
there are others, too: colon, lung, thyroid.
More and more younger women-1
in
50-will
get melanoma, the deadliest
form of skin cancer, because of our addiction to tanning.
Some debilitating, crippling autoimmune diseases mainly impact women:
multiple sclerosis (which I was diagnosed
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
17
BREAKING
THE
SILENCE
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and
this is my story. ev JEVALINE JOHNSON
I want to tell you about my experience as
an honor roll student by day and a victim of
sexual abuse by night.
The abuse began during seventh-grade
summer in Evansville, Ind. My abuser
lived down the road from me and across
the street from my best friend. His backyard was adjacent to the churchyard
and parking lot where my friends and
I would practice soccer, play volleyball,
Rollerblade, shoot hoops. During one
of the first times my abuser spoke to me
alone, he told me I was "different;' "more
mature than my age;'"the prettiest girl" he
had ever seen. Then he said, "You know I
18
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
could go to jail for what I am doing:' He
also threatened suicide if I spoke of what
was happening. "No one will understand
our relationship;' he told me. It was the
Fourth of July. Some things you never
forget ... many things, actually. He pulled
me close and kissed me. My first kiss was
from a 47-year-old man-a
man who
had served in the United States military,
a man who had helped lead his son's Boy
Scout troop, a man who was respected by
his friends and colleagues.
From that point on, the molestation began in full force. My abuser had no boundaries, physical or emotional, about where he
would take me and what he expected me to
do. He picked me up from middle school.
He took me to bluegrass stripper pits. From
his home, he watched me play in the church
parking lot.
In hindsight, I can see that he groomed
me meticulously, with words of affection,
with gifts of jewelry, with his attention. He
sang songs to me while we sat hidden in his
truck, while he rubbed my back. He wrote
me notes, which he gave me on his way to
work, while I waited for the bus. But these
gifts wound up costing me severely: I paid
with my virginity, my sanity, my self-worth.
Little did I know that my sense of safety and
FEATURES/
love were being completely shattered.
From the end of seventh grade on, I was
routinely molested in my neighborhood and
my community.
We would meet most weekdays after 4
p.m., when he got off from work. We met
in the basement of his girlfriend's home
(where he lived at the time), we met in the
bedroom he shared with her, we met in his
Dodge Ram truck in the parking lot at Oak
Hill Middle School, at the National Guard
Armory-specifically, OMS #6, at the mov~
ie theater off Morgan Avenue, off Green
River Road, Kansas Road, St. George
Road, Ward Road, Sunset Memorial Park,
McCutchanville Park, in the parking lot and
playground at Bethlehem United Church
of Christ. Some days, my abuser picked me
up from Oak Hill Middle School. It would
begin in so many places-the molestation
that changed my life in ways that I could not
understand until recently.
Fast~forward: I am 15 and the "it" is still
happening. I am suffering from panic at~
tacks. I am agitated. But I somehow keep it
together for school. I am an honor roll stu~
dent and I letter in cross~country and track.
I do not feel like I fit in at school, save for
a few friends. My parents have divorced. I
feel scattered on the inside, and I cling to the
things that are consistent in my life-him
and "it:' I exchange the pain for comfort.
Fast~forward again: I am 18 and it hasn't
stopped. I do not know how to stop it. It is
becoming all I know. I still meet him. I feel
so anxious. I have started isolating from my
family. He takes the place of my parents,
while violating my mind and my body.
I panic when my menstrual cycle is late.
He buys me pregnancy tests. My night
sweats are worsening and my heart races
so hard at times that I have an echocardio~
gram. I start to feel even crazier; I cannot
understand why I feel so scared, why I feel
so heavy and full of dread.
A subtle shift occurs when I move to
Michigan to attend law school. I very slowly
start to break away from him. Very slowly.
In October of 2012, the news about the
Jerry Sandusky case brings me back to my
adolescence. I am living in Atlanta, Ga.
With distance from this man, and having
entered my own maturity, I begin to recog~
nize that nothing was "special"in the way he
wanted me to believe. Rather, every contact,
every incident was simply this man impos~
ing his needs upon me, a child who did not
understand the immediate or long~term im~
plications of his actions.
As the media talks about the grooming
behaviors of predators, my experience is
more clearly defined. I am now an adult sur~
vivor of childhood sexual abuse. This is not
a role that I chose, but a role that I have to
live with because of the depraved actions of
this man.
I cannot sleep many nights, wondering
if my abuser was abusing other girls. While
I am not ready to stand up for myself, I am
ready to stand up for any other child who
might cross his path.
I summon the strength to call my abus~
er-two times-and
I record those con~
versations. I then take the recordings to
the police in Evansville. I am subsequently
interviewed by a sexual crimes detective, at
a safe haven called Holly's House. This de~
tective then goes to my abuser's home and
arrests him, on the spot. Shortly thereafter,
my abuser posts bond and a two~year legal
saga commences.
During the subsequent months, I con~
tinue seeking help and healing. I pray, I cry,
I scream, I drink too much, I run (literally
and metaphorically), and I have countless
flashbacks. I lose mysel£ Those closest to
me carry me when I can no longer carry my~
sel£ My significant other-Tamara-is
my
healing balm during this arduous time.
When I hit my knees and scream-my
primal, soul~filled, who~killed~part~ofme
scream-she keeps me warm and safe. I rant
and dance and cry until I have exorcised my~
self of the pain. She does this many times
for me, and all my grief, confusion, and an~
ger exact a toll-our romantic relationship.
Yet, she firmly stands by me during this
journey, with an intimacy and a loyalty more
intense than our romance.
She is the holder of my history. While she
and I are undefined after the past four years,
we continue to discover who we are to each
other today: a mutual source of solace, com~
passion, and love.
She is the woman without whom I can't
imagine my life.
Almost two years later, after multiple
trial continuances and a change in prosecu~
tor, I enter into discussions regarding a po~
tential plea deal. I end up supporting a plea
bargain because it at least ensures that my
abuser will be registered as a child molester.
ISS
I am also emotionally, mentally, and physi~
cally exhausted from negotiating my way
through a criminal justice system that seems
intent on revictimizing the victim.
My abuser agrees to plead guilty to four
counts of Class B felony child molestation.
The original charges involve 16 counts of
Class A felony child molestation, based on
the specific incidents of abuse inflicted on
me by this man.
I support the plea bargain because I am
completely worn down by the criminal jus~
tice process. While recognizing that I have
no official role in negotiating the eventual
outcome, I am also open to almost any op~
tion that requires this man to publicly admit
that he abused an innocent young girl. That
he did things, which will impact me forev~
er-my ability to trust, my ability to enjoy
intimate relationships, my ability to sleep
well at night. I advise the prosecuting attor~
ney that I am open to a plea bargain because
I need this process to end. I need the door
to close so that I can focus on the futurehealing and helping.
The process of searching for justice is as
emotionally traumatic as the abuse itsel£ I
feel that I have to fight to ensure that my
voice, my experience will be honored.
Until lately, I have felt as if I had no voice
and that no one was interested in under~
standing my experience. Rather, I have been
told to simply "move on with my life:'
I am moving on with my life. And a part
of me that is moving on is also screaming at
the top of my lungs that sexual abuse hap~
pens every day, in plain sight, with seemingly
nowhere to turn to get help. I share my story
because it is a common story. And the more
we say something, the more we can help
one another heal. I had-and
continue to
have-help from fellow survivors, and their
friendship and wisdom have made such a
difference for me. We do not heal from trau~
matic experiences alone; strength really does
lie in supporting one another and lifting one
another up.
In coming forward I'm not only freeing
myself but also encouraging other survivors
or those currently being abused to come
forward. When we break the silence togeth~
er, we strip away the shame and stigma of
abuse.
I am no longer afraid of my feelings, no
longer afraid of the grief, pain, and anger.
Because of that freedom, I'm feeling more
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
19
peaceful, hopeful, and alive than ever before.
I'm moving closer and closer to forgiving
my abuser. But granting forgiveness should
not be confused with excusing what he did,
because there is no excuse. In forgiving him,
though, I gain more power over mysel£ my
life, my feelings, and my spirit. This healing
process then becomes less about him, and
even me, and more about helping otherspaying forward the help I received.
These are my words to anyone who has
been sexually abused or has survived the
unimaginable: You are already so brave. You
20
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
have survived. You are more than the pain
that drops you to your knees. You are more
than the horror that devastates you. And
above all, you are more than your agonizing
past. Break the painful, soul-sucking silence
with one trusted person, and let good people help you heal. There is hope. Hope for
you right now. Hope for you tomorrow.
The path to healing is constant, and it
is achingly difficult. But you have already
slogged through the inferno. Hold your
head up; you are so much stronger than you
even know.•
ONLINE RESOURCES
The National Center
for Victims of Crimes
(victimsofcrime.org)
National Organization
for Victim Assistance
(trynova.org)
Fresh Meet
Lipstick: She's interested all right-in
tips, not your tits.
your
Lesbian newbies seek to spread their wings.
Dipstick: I love it when the sexy waitress
BY LIPSTICK & DIPSTICK
scoots in next to me, gets close to my ear,
and in that husky voice, tells me about the
day's specials. I don't care if it's chipped
Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I don't even know where to start.
I'm 27 and have always identified as straight, though I've had
many lady crushes. I met a waitress two weeks ago with whom
I felt this really intense connection. I went back and got talking
with her a couple days ago, and I felt like she was really flirting
with me. When I asked her for menu recommendations, she
scooted right up next to me, told me a couple times how much
she liked me and liked having me around, introduced herself
and asked my name, even asked if I was leaving some of my
dessert for her. When I left, I gave her my phone number. It's
been two days, and I haven't heard anything. I've never been
this into a girl, but I'm a believer that we are attracted to souls,
not bodies. Unfortunately, I'm also a little out of my element
here. Did I misread the situation, or is she actually interested?Wet Beneath the Boobs
beef on white bread or fried liver cutlet
with lima beans, I order myself a big plate.
I'm a sucker for anyone who serves me
food-and whispers in my ear. Is this lady
flirting with you? Hell yes, she is! She's a
hardworking woman who knows how to use
her charm to squeeze a few pennies out of
lonely truck drivers, traveling salesmen, and
hapless dykes.
Lipstick: I'd bet my plate of pierogies that
this flirty server is just looking to fill her
pocket with fifties, so you'll have to go take
a cold shower. When you're first dabbling
in lady-loving, it's hard to decode the signs.
Are they gay? Straight? Just hormonal? Some hetero girls can be so damn
seductive!
Dipstick: I know, Lip. Remember Rhonda
from Rehoboth?
Lipstick: Do I ever. Unlike Rhonda, who was
nothing but a tease, if a woman is gay and
interested, she'll let you know.
Dipstick: One final tip: Next time you meet
someone, ask for her number instead of
giving her yours. It's not fun waiting for
someone to call you.
Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I am struggling
and need your help. I've got children
from a previous marriage to a man. It
was a desperate attempt to try to "be
normal" and run away from who I am.
I was raised strict Lutheran in a rural,
homophobic area. When I was 18, I called
off the wedding twice, because I preferred
women so much that I knew I shouldn't
marry a man. The marriage was short and
miserable. Not just because of my sexual
orientation, but because my husband
was awful and controlling. After the
divorce, I had a few flings with women,
but only sexual. I was too terrified to be in
a lesbian relationship. I spent years being
single, focusing on my career. Two years
ago, I met another man. He knows I'm
bisexual and I'm more attracted to women
22
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
VIEWS/
than men. From day one, he told me he
wants me to be who I am and be proud
of it. It was with his encouragement,
understanding, and love that I came out
to my friends and a lot of people at my
college. I also became a leader of an
LGBT organization in our area. He has
also told me that if I feel I need to date
women, he supports my decision. I have
talked to him about not feeling truly
friend. Fear is the only thing holding you
back. Sure, things might get sticky. All
relationships are. But this is something
you really want. It's worth the risk, isn't
it? Instead of envisioning all the ways
that things could go wrong, imagine the
EXECUTIVEGAYMATCHMAKINGFIRM
bliss-filled life you could have if you got
everything you ever desired. One word of
caution, though: Before you frolic down
this path, read up on how to successfully
"whole" if I can't ever date women or be
navigate open relationships. Opening Up:
able to truly explore that part of myself.
A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open
The trouble is, even though we have an
Relationships, by Tristan Taormina, is a
good place to start.
understanding on this, I have never acted
LIPSTICK+DI
PS
on it. I have always been monogamous,
and I'm scared I will open up a can of
Lipstick: Are you more devastated by the
worms if I do act on my feelings. I am
idea of not experiencing a relationship
with a woman, or not being faithful to
becoming increasingly devastated
about the prospect of not ever being in
a relationship with a woman, but I adore
my boyfriend. We don't have sex as much
as we used to, although when we do it is
the best, most passionate sex I have ever
had with anyone. I hate feeling like this
because I love him so much, but I feel
like I'm actually a lesbian-or
pretty close
to it. We got engaged in 2013 and a few
months later I decided I wasn't "straight
enough" to get married. I don't know
what to do. Please help! -Between a Rock
and a Straight Place
your awesome boyfriend? Answering that
honestly will give you clarity. The latter
probably causes more initial anxiety, but
the former is a heavy, lingering despair
that isn't going anywhere. Opening up
your relationship isn't the solution, because you've had the girl-on-girl action.
What you're after is a deeper connection.
That is the snag, because when you fall for
your first woman, you're going to fall really
hard. Trust me on this. When that happens,
you're going to want to spend every minute of every day with your girlfriend-not
your boyfriend. And he will end up getting
Dipstick: Quit your fretting and get on OK
hurt. Consider this before
Cupid immediately. The site is crawling
diving into that
lavender bed.
with ladies just like you-in relationships
with men, but longing for a female touch.
Take the leap! You've got nothing to
lose. Your man is giving you permission
question for Lipstick
to throw yourself into a lavender bed of
ladies. Jump on that featherbed, girl-
ask@lipstickdipstick.com
Do you have a burning
& Dipstick? Write to
LOS
NEW YORK
- TORONTO
ANGELES
- SAN FRANCISCO
DISCOVER
TRUELOVE
CONTACTUSTODAYTO SCHEDULE
A COMPLIMENTARY
CONSULTATION
1-888-422-6464
BespokeMatchmaking.com
Let's Talk About Sex
Have hot queer sex. Change yourself.
Change the world. ev vANA TALLoN-H1cKs
I have to admit, when I first got Diana
Cage's newest advice manual, Lesbian Sex
Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love for
Same-Sex Couples,my initial reaction was,
What are these straight girls doing on my
queer sex bible? The two softly sighing,
male-gaze-created faces certainly didn't
reflect back to me my own hot, tattooed,
messy, complicated (did I say messy?) experience with queer sex: I've put more sensual
passion into baking a cake. But as with everything written by Diana Cage-former
editor of the groundbreaking lesbian porn
magazine On Our Backs, author of seven
other smart sex reads, and current instructor in the Women and Gender Studies
Department at Hunter College-no dust
jacket image could possibly convey all the
informed and inspiring advice this whipsmart sexpert has to offer. (About those
faces on the cover, which were chosen by the
publisher, Cage says, "I know, right? They're
24
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
pretty funny. The women are very beautiful,
of course, but they don't exactly scream authentic lesbian sex, do they?").
Packed with naughty and sometimes hilarious wisdom, everything from "Lick her
slowly and teasingly at first" to "You cannot
have a conversation and eat pussy at the
same time;' Cage's new book offers a fresh
perspective on sex, not the conventional
advice you can find on your average boring
blog. Instead, Cage gives the reader applicable, blush-worthy suggestions from her
heart, head, and, well, y'know-and in ways
that are anything but heteronormative.
In fact, Cage's Lesbian Sex Bible is all
about smashing assumptions, starting with
the outdated idea that good sex is all about
mastering a series of preapproved techniques, tips, and tricks. As Cage writes in
the introduction, "This isn't a recipe book ...
Our greatest barriers to good sex are fear
and shame ...Good sex makes you feel
good and bad sex leaves you feeling guilty
or worse. What is bad sex, exactly? Even if
no one comes, even if the dick slips out and
you both go rolling off the bed, you still had
fun. It's only bad sex when you feel icky or
ashamed in some way. Good sex makes you
feel good not just physically, but mentally:'
Though good sex may seem out of reach,
especially when you've got to read an entire
bible to get there (the book's actually only
192 pages long), Cage says her book is "more
inspirational than instructional:' It starts exactly where it should: with you and where
you are. "We all need to learn to feel and talk
about desire without shutting down, getting
shy, or feeling awkward. We need to actually
feel good in our bodies, enough so that when
a lover wants to please us we can relax and
enjoy their touch. We need to learn to turn
off our inner critic and quiet our thoughts
and actually feel our bodies and the bodies
of our lovers rather than perform some the-
VIEWS/AD
atrical performance of desire and pleasure
that we've decided we're supposed to do:'
Once we feel healthy and happy in our
sexual selves, then it's time to start adding on
the partners.
"Once we're there, and we've learned to
really give and receive pleasure, then I'd say
learning to read signals is a really import~
ant thing," says Cage. "Does she want to be
touched softly or roughly? Listen for cues.
If you grab her hair does she moan appre~
ciatively or stiffen up? Don't be afraid to be
a little adventurous. Try new things.
Learn to touch your lovers creative~
ly, to tease and excite them. You can
make up for a lack of experience by
going very slowly and letting the
tension build. Once she's absolutely
desperate to be touched, practically
anything you do will feel fantastic:'
Cage's new book makes it obvi~
ous that she's the type of sex writ~
er who believes equally in sexual
pleasure for its own sake and also
in sexual pleasure as a way to truly
change the world, one sheet~ripping
orgasm at a time. Besides being a
super~fun way to break a bedframe,
to Cage, good healthy queer sex
is also a great way to break down
heteronormativity.
"Good sex is life~aflirming! Good sex
makes everything we put up with worth it.
All the quotidian, boring parts oflife as well
as the constant microaggressions we experi~
ence as part of being queer in a heterosexist
culture, we are better able to cope with those
when we're having good sex. Thinking, read~
ing and writing about queer sex can help us
remember that we don't have to succumb to
the very strong pull of heteronormativity.
Reading, thinking, and writing about sex,
not to mention having it, is a good way to
celebrate our resistance to assimilation:'
Whether
you're knockin' the Doc
Martens, Steve Maddens, or Manolo
Blahniks, and whether knockin' them re~
suits in changing the world or just needing
to change your sheets, Cage just wants to
inspire you to knock 'em! "I took a lot of
inspiration from my own sex life when I
was writing this book. [My partner and
I] have been together seven years and in
fact just got married recently and not only
do we still have hot sex but we have it all
the time. And when I started this
book, I was like, Tm having the
best sex of my life! How can I look
at this analytically? What are we
doing right and how can I help
other people do it too?'
"Oh and master the art of the
finger~bang!" she adds. "Oral sex
is amazing. Strap~on sex is excit~
ing. Crazy positions are fun. But
a great finger~bang is an anytime,
anywhere activity. You don't even
have to take off your clothes. I
once had sex with my lover on a
crowded plane, with only the tray
table pulled down and her hand
up my skirt:' Well, consider us in~
spired (and well~reminded not to
judge a book by its cover).
12HOT
TIPS
THAT
WILL
HAVE
YOU
(AND
HER)
BEGGING
FOR
MORE
...
1. "The hottest part of a kiss is that moment just before it
happens when you know you are about to start kissing.
Enjoy that moment by leaning in until your faces are
almost touching. Stay there."
2. "Bathroom make-outs-we've
all done it, and why not?
It's practically a baby dyke rite of passage. Nothing says
'I need you right now' like dragging someone into the
bathroom at a bar."
8. "Dildo shopping makes a great date activity. In fact, it
can be an essential part of lesbian foreplay!"
9. "You know how straight guys are afraid to have anal sex
because they think it'll turn them gay? Well, guess what?
You're already gay! You get to have as much anal sex as
you want."
10. "Hair pulling is nice. Try it out and see, softly at first. You
want to turn her on, not piss her off."
3. "It's okay to laugh."
11. "Use a paddle. I have bruised my hand on quite a few
4. "This really shouldn't have to be said, but I'll say it any-
rumps. Don't let this happen to you!"
way: be nice to the people you are having sex with."
5. "Learn to talk freely and comfortably about sex."
12. "You cannot have a conversation and eat pussy at the
same time. Of course, many lesbians have tried, but all of
them have failed."
6. "There really is no right or better way to come-anything
that gets you and your partner off is perfect."
7. "Take the scenic route."
Lesbian Sex Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love for
Same-Sex Couples by Diana Cage is available from
Amazon.com.
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
25
Kim Chemin and Renate Stendhal
and told me this famous American
believe in marriage equality, especially
feminist writer was coming, with her lover.
come back to Paris?"
if love and sex play an enduring role.
This famous writer was someone I had
KIM: We both had a wild streak during
The authors of Lesbian Marriage: A
translated into German, and the lover was
those years. My relationship ended shortly
Love & Sex Forever Kit are in it for the
long haul, not the U-Haul, and reveal
Kim. We three hit it off, wildly talking about
after this first meeting in Paris. I had one
women's spirituality, politics, and books.
how they met, got together, and keep
the spark in their relationship alive.
KIM: I think we fell in love right then and
there, but I wasn't free, not even free to
fully realize what had happened.
HOW
DIDYOU
MEET
AND
WHAT
WERE
YOUR
FIRST
IMPRESSIONS?
HOW
DIDYOUR
ATTRACTION
UNFOLD?
RENATE: We met at a Paris cafe-a
RENATE: It took us three and a half years,
cafe
brief relationship after another, always
thinking of Renate.
RENATE: I also thought about Kim a lot. But
I had four lovers all over Europe by the time
Kim visited Paris again. For her, I took three
weeks off from my other lovers.
each of us had chosen a long time ago as
writing letters and reading each other's
our writing cafe. It's one of the great Paris
writing. I edited Kim's novel The Flame
heading back to Paris: This "polygamous"
cafes, near the Luxembourg Gardens. I
Bearers. We both had erotic dreams about
woman would never be available for a
was writing an erotic book review when a
each other. We frequently said, "Why don't
committed relationship! But my best friend
member of my poetry workshop arrived
you come visit Berkeley?" "Why don't you
said, "If two women take three weeks
26
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
KIM: My analyst thought I was in a delusion
VIEWS/
out of their lives, there has to be a fire
burning ..."
celebrating our 28-year anniversary by
getting married!
SO,WHO
MADE
THEFIRST
MOVE?
YOU
BOTH
HAVE
PHDS.
ISTHERE
A
different.
DOWNSIDE
TOBEING
INTELLECTUALS?
RENATE: Kim arrived back in Paris, and
TWO OF
KIM: Statistics tell us that the average
hetero sex act in America takes two
minutes. The average! Women's bodies are
it took us exactly one day and night-an
KIM: We are writers. Sharing our ideas has
RENATE: And women need to develop a
extraordinary day where everything we had
always been the erotic fuel for us.
imagined and dreamed about each other
was confirmed. One day and it was clear.
different sexuality. This different sexuality
does not have to die or fall asleep after
RENATE: Plus psychological insight and
honesty. Trying to understand a loved
two years. Not even after menopause! In
the book and in our counseling practice
KIM: There was the lover I'd been looking
for all my life. I always imagined this
person is an endless challenge, no matter
how compatible you naturally are. I wrote
we teach women to develop flexibility,
loosen up the "genital corset," and discover
woman, my soul mate, somewhere across
the Atlantic, in Europe.
a whole book [True Secrets of Lesbian
Desire] about truth-telling, the least costly
what we call "the equal-opportunity body,"
where sex and fulfillment can happen in an
and most effective aphrodisiac of all!
elbow or in the nape of your neck.
she was 17,she studied German poetry.
When I started university, I studied Yiddish.
KIM: We are a lot like kids, inventing
characters for ourselves and playing
KIM: We define the difference between
"hot burn" and "slow burn"-an entirely
This seemed an important omen for our
relationship. The other major thing was
language games ...
new concept of lovemaking.
that we were fascinated by each other's
creative mind and writing.
RENATE: Language-finding funny new
expressions, quirky words and double
RENATE: The book is the sum of our
KIM: After this first day, Renate said, "Why
entendres-is a constant source of delight
and laughter for us: English, German,
experience, our own and what we learned
from our counseling clients. After now-29
French, and some operatic Italian!
years together, we've seen it all, and we've
met big challenges on the way-"the other
IFYOU
FIGHT,
HOW
DOYOU
MAKE
UP?
woman" being one of them. [There's a
whole chapter on that.] We've been lucky.
RENATE: Kim is Jewish, I am German. When
pay for a hotel? Stay here!" And being quite
a Don Juan back then, she just walked up
to me and kissed me.
RENATE: Our ideal was to create a
YOUR
VIEWS
OFMARRIAGE
EVOLVED.
HAVE
YOU
APPLIED
YOUR
OWN
ADVICE?
RENATE: Even after two decades of
monogamous relationship that would never
get boring, never lose the erotic spark.
being together, even when marriage
briefly became legal in San Francisco, we
KIM: A tall order. Many kinks had to be
didn't think of it. We felt like bohemians,
outsiders, not eager to let the state
worked out. I used to be the stormy, loud,
wild person, until Renate argued back
intervene in our love life.
with the same force and passion. We had
big fights during our first years, mostly
KIM: We were committed, for better or
over feminist issues-and ex-lovers. It took
time and some therapy to clarify what we
of who I am, good and not so good.
wanted in this relationship.
worse, from the start. And we had our own
We're as much in love now as we ever were.
KIM: We joked in an interview that "we
follow our own advice most of the time."
WHAT
ISONE
THING
ABOUT
EACH
OTHER
THAT
YOU
STILL
DESIRE?
RENATE: Deep, honest, loving recognition
RENATE: Our magical words to start the
KIM: Vast understanding, something only
the soul mate can provide. Or, as Renate
used to say, the "Weg-Gefahrtin," the "way
RENATE: When California finally legalized
peace-making process were, "You have a
companion." The lover you want to spend
gay marriage, we felt strongly in the grip of
the historical moment. Gay marriage had
point. I can't see it yet, but I know you have
a point." And, "I am sorry for whatever I did
all your life with.
become a political movement, reminding
that hurt you. I want to understand it. Help
me understand."
DOYOU
HAVE
ADVICE
FOR
COUPLES
EAGER
TOWED
DUE
TOCHANGING
LAWS?
KIM: We hardly fight nowadays, we
KIM: Resist the pressure to rush through
the open door just because it has opened.
private spiritual ceremony a number of
years ago-we describe it in our book.
us of the great excitements of the feminist
movement. Hadn't we always said the
personal is political? We got inspired to
write about what it takes to succeed in a
marriage-like relationship-and when our
book Lesbian Marriage was finished, it
just know the tune, and most often our
disagreements crack us up.
RENATE: Use the pressure to set out
clearly the conditions that are nonnegotiable for you. "I do, if you work out
ISLESBIAN
BED
DEATH
AMYTH?
DOMANY
LESBIANS'
SEX
LIVES
DECLINE?
your drinking
was totally obvious: Now's the time to tie
the sexy knot!
RENATE: Bed death looms over every bed
KIM: Our best lesbian friends designed
questioning. After the honeymoon and a
the protocol for that day-a very fun,
couple of years, sex changes and cools and
playful, and touching ceremony. We were
slows down. It's the nature of the beast.
in this world-hetero,
bi, gay, trans, and
problem. I do, as soon as we
have established financial independence.
I do, if we agree about affairs. I do, as
soon as we are both certain to give our
couple absolute priority over all other
relationships." (lesbianloveforever.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
27
ennifer Knapp's story is one
that many in the LGBT
community can relate to. She
grew up with a twin sister in
small~town Kansas, and after
her parents divorced she sought refuge in
the pages of a journal, which she wrote in
code so no one could read her deepest se~
crets. But a writer's secrets must, eventual~
ly, be told. So Knapp took up songwriting,
setting her story within the framework of
J
28
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
her Christian faith. After two independent
releases and lots of church shows, Knapp's
album Kansas sold more than 500,000
copies.Two Grammy nominations and two
more albums of Christian music followed.
At first, it was all well and good, but then
it was all too much. A move to Australia, a
hiatus from music, and a new relationship
filled the years between 200l's The Way I
Am and 2010's Letting Go. In conjunction
with the release of Letting Go, Knapp came
out publicly as gay. "I just thought, Oh, I'll
come out and that'll be the end of it. Well,
it's not. It's a big deal:' And it's a big deal
in two of the communities-Christian
and queer-that
Knapp brings together
through her very existence.
When she first came out, Knapp was
criticized by some in the LGBT community
because in an early interview she stumbled
when she called herself a lesbian."It was just
weird for me to say, because I was just me.
REVIEWS/
And for a lot of other LGBTs, for them to
see me stumble in saying that, there was an
assumption that I had a difficult time with
my own identity, and with calling myself a
lesbian;' Knapp recalls. "How well we take
on a moniker or an identity and how we live
that out becomes different, especially the
more we get comfortable with it, the more
we see the wider diversity of LGBTs ... That
diversity is long and wide. And I think part
of the challenge that we have is, any time
that we understand our own identity, to
not assume that everybody carries the same
journey behind them as we do ourselves:'
In 2011, Knapp set up the Inside Out
Faith Foundation to facilitate conversation
between and about Christian communities
and their LGBT members. To expand her
reach, she also released an album, Set Me
Free, and published a memoir, Facing the
Music, late last year. Through it all, she
remains a devout Christian and a proud
lesbian-two
potentially conflicting aspects of her identity that she has internally
reconciled. So, how does she reconcile the
idea that fundamentalist Christians stead-
fastly uphold one scriptural passage, but
not another? Very carefully. "Christianity
has a bad rap. It does point to one scripture over another;' she concedes."For some
people, that really works for them, and it's
really important. But in holding to that
idea, and how a person should practice
that, do we alienate other people for the
sake of our own identities? That's where it
becomes a real problem and can be really
damaging to a lot of people.
"It's not just Christianity that does it;'
Knapp continues. "We do it in all kinds
of ways, anytime we're talking about really
strong identities that are tied up in some
very important things ...like faith, like our
sexual orientation, like where we grew up.
These things are the core values of who we
are, and when someone starts to insult that,
it gets really personal really quickly:'
Because some of the believers are stuck
on the notion that homosexuality is not
only a sin but a choice, often the conversation can't even proceed to more immediate
issues, like marriage equality. Knapp says,
"When I'm in the space with somebody
MUSIC
who's having such a hard time understanding the normalcy of LGBT people in the
universe, when that's so far beyond their
grasp, it's not even a debate that I end up
having, most of the time:' But she sees the
tide turning right before her eyes as the
wave of marriage equality continues to
wash over us. "The interesting thing about
that, though, and a lot of conversations
that I have in community environments
that are really wrestling with this, is trying
to put sexual orientation in a context of
love, as opposed to sex;' she notes."Funnily
enough, I think that marriage equality is
going to shed a light onto some of the more
conservative religious audiences, so that
they can see that what we're talking about
here is not about sex-it's about love and
healthy relationships and family building:'
She continues, ''And I think the more we
see that, the more we see healthy relationships-Neil Patrick Harris is a great public
example of that, Chely Wright and her family are a great example of that-the
more
we can start to see how incredibly mundane and normal that is. And how incred-
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
29
REV1Ews1MUSIC
ibly powerful that is. That, to me, is what's
really interesting about gay marriage. And
for environments that have a really difficult
time, they have to get over that fairly quick~
ly or they're just not engaging in that con~
versation at all. And that, again, goes back
to the sinful nature that an LGBT person
is viewed as having, in conservatism. If you
can't get over that, then you're not seeing the
forest for the trees, a little bit:'
In conversation, in her music, and in her
memoir, Knapp's storytelling uses love as its
language, and its muse: "Love is universal,
that's why you see it so much in the music
that we have ...where it contracts and where
it succeeds and where it fails. It's the great~
est muse for any musician in the history
of writing, because everybody knows that
experience. And that is what art does-it
connects people. To me, succeeding means
being able to connect a diverse range of
people through a universal experience. I'm
grateful for music, in that sense:'
In this latest chapter of her life and work,
Knapp returns to the same pages she kept so
guarded as a child, and there she continues
to record her deepest secrets. Now, though,
there's no code, only connection. "Obvious~
ly, I have a lot to say about LGBTs and the
faith conversation, because it's affected me
personally. But when I'm exhausted by being
'Jennifer Knapp, gay/lesbian, ex~Christian
rocker, whatever; I'm just happy to be able
to pick up my guitar and play a song about
love;' she says. ''At the end of the day, we all
have our own story and our own experience.
As a songwriter, that's all that's ever really
mattered to me-being able to write about
what it's like to be alive, to love, to fail, to sue~
ceed, to be spiritual, to doubt ...all that stuff
is the gasoline that's running the engine of
what I get to do:' (jenniferknapp.com)
HOT
LICKS
))BYKELLYMCCARTNEY
Jennifer
Knapp
SetMeFree
(Rignteous
Babe
Recoros)
On the surface, Jennifer Knapp presents fairly straightforward, albeit
thoughtful, pop/rock. But, knowing her story, the songs take on a loftier
mission. They tell the story of an out, gay Christian who grew up in rural
Kansas, the sister of a twin and the daughter of divorced parents. She's a
lover and a fighter, this one - a thinker and a feeler. The set kicks off with the
one-two punch of "Remedy" and "Set Me Free." The first offers a glimpse into
the heart and mind of someone struggling to break free of their roots while
also clinging to them, while the second frames that same push-pull within the
context of a relationship - you probably shouldn't hold on, but it's hard to let
go. The bittersweetness of that epic human battle takes a more tender turn in
"Neosho" as Knapp recounts childhood days spent on the river with her father.
For anyone facing a similar fight, Set Me Free is evidence that it gets better ...
or, at least, it can.
Various
Artists
The
Empress
oftheBlues:
ATribute
toBessie
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30
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MAR/APR
2015
Int
The legendary Bessie Smith left a treasure trove of recordings in her wake,
works that have inspired and influenced generations that followed. On this
tribute collection, a slew of moderately known artists puts their own wildly
varying stamps on some of Smith's most iconic tunes. For anyone who only
knows Jenny Owen Youngs from her "Fuck Was I" turn, hearing her Spartan
take on "After You've Gone" puts her in a whole new light. Doria Roberts
takes a similarly simple approach to "Poor Man's Blues." In between those
cuts, Tim & Adam put a thoroughly contemporary, synth-infused spin on
"Nobody in Town Can Bake a Sweet Jelly Roll Like Mine." Even Bessie,
herself, would be hard-pressed to recognize that one. The set is all over the
place, stylistically, with Smith as the only common strand. Other highlights
include Tift Merritt, Jesca Hoop, Dawn Landes, and Simone White.
Ms. Behavior
Why Desiree Akhavan's Appropriate
Behavior is a must-see film.
BY MARCIE BIANCO
et's not mince words: Appropriate Behavior is the
best film made by a queer
woman for queer women
in 2014.
One reason why Appropriate Behavior
is undeniably the best LGBT film of last
year-deserving
comparison with the
excellent features Concussion and Whos
Afraid of Vagina Wolf?-is that it doesn't
single out sexuality as its piece de resistance. Twenty-something Shirin, who is
bisexual and Iranian, is the film's protagonist. The film opens at a critical time in
her life, after a serious breakup with her
female partner, Max, but the narrative arc
does not include the typical, often belabored account of how Shirin comes to accept her sexual self.
Sexuality is just one component of life
and, frankly, not the most important one.
This is why"coming out" films-films that
tie all their thematic elements to a rendering of sexuality and inevitably make it the
most important one-seem
so trite and
simplistic. Just living and existing, without
L
any self-conscious grappling over labels,
is what the majority of humans outside
of queer academia do. They just live, and
leave the bickering about who "qualifies"
for which identity to someone else.
Writer-director Desiree Akhavan, who
also plays Shirin, flirts with this traditional narrative in her film. Being loved
by her Iranian parents is important to
Shirin, but she expresses no melodramatic, tortured feelings about the fact that
she has not come out to them. In fact,
the only person who feels uncomfortable
about this arrangement is her ex, Max,
who cites Shirin's being in the closet-if
only to her family-as one of the major
factors contributing to the deterioration
of their relationship.
This film is about a particular duration
of time in Shirin's post-breakup life, but
it doesn't include a moralistic or generically imposed conclusion. That Shirin
doesn't reunite with her ex or live happily ever after with someone else bespeaks
the unadulterated, real-life quality of the
film, which many have associated with the
work of Lena Dunham, Akhavan's contemporary. But instead of a witty, sexually
adventurous straight girl living in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, we get a witty, sexually
adventurous bisexual Iranian girl living
in East Williamsburg. Both women paint
landscapes outside the traditional lines of
morality and genre.
This similarity in artistic vision is undoubtedly the reason why Dunham asked
Akhavan to play the part of one of Hannah Horvath's Iowa MFA cohorts in the
fourth season of Girls.
While Appropriate Behavior could easily
be seen as a queer version of Girls, Akhavan says she took the inspiration for her
film's narrative structure from Woody
Allen, specifically Annie Hall, which, as
she described it to me, "dances back and
forth between past and present:' Appropriate Behavior juxtaposes moments from
the past-memories
of both good and
bad times with Max-with
scenes in the
present as Shirin tries to move on from
the breakup, mostly by dating a bunch of
randos she meets online, and figure out
MAR/APR
2015
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31
if and how she needs to come out to her
family. On top of it all, like most Millennials, she is trying to secure a solid but not
soul-crushing form of employment.
For all twenty-somethings and some
post-Recession
thirty-somethings,
the
idea of"home"-not
only finding a home
in the world in terms of a career and a
roof over their head, but also being (at)
home in one's self and in intimate partnership with another-is
constantly on their
mind. As Akhavan told the LA Times,
"When I'm around Iranians, I don't feel
Iranian at all, but when I'm around Americans, I don't feel American at alL . .In high
school, there was an 'otherness' to me that
I couldn't put my finger on. I think most
[children of] immigrants have this feeling,
that you really have to create your own
space and your own comfort with all of it:'
Shirin is constantly in a state of motion, moving between her parents' home,
her old home in Park Slope with her ex,
and her new hovel-of-a-home in the notoriously confining McKibbin Lofts in
East Williamsburg, which reflects her
lack of stability, or foundation. Shirin is
constantly moving between lovers of all
genders, too, arguably reflecting another
kind of instability. When she is having a
one-night stand with a guy, she is dreaming of Max; after flailing through a date
with a female law professor, she ends the
date early only to hook up with a married
heterosexual couple later that night. What
is "appropriate behavior"? Who knows?
Frankly, what's "appropriate" is debatable,
and that's what Akhavan proves in this
film. If the psychology of bisexuality is one
of always looking, of a constant sense of
dis-ease with one's current state of being,
then Akhavan has given us the best film
about bisexuality to date.
Premiering at this past Sundance Festival in the Next category, Appropriate
Behavior was born out of Akhavan's NYU
thesis, as well as an idea she had to collaborate with her ex, with whom she created
the popular web series The Slope, a piss
take on lesbians who live in that formerly lesbo-centric, now baby-stroller-centric
neighborhood in Brooklyn. Like the web
series, Appropriate Behavior, Akhavan's
first feature film, is "pretty personal;' so
much so that she's editing a special, toneddown version for her father to watch. •
32
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2015
HOT
FLICKS))
BYMELANIEBARKER
Fagbug
Nation
Oirecteo
oyErin
Davies
What does this country reallythink about LGBTrights?Watch FagbugNation to
fmd out. Thedocumentary,written, directed and filmed by Erin Davies,takes the
viewer on a road trip across all 50 states, Hawaiiand Alaskathe final two, offering
a window onto tolerance in this country, compilingcross-country interviews
with ordinary folk who are drawn to the rainbow colored Volkswagen,and into
conversationwith Davies.
The bug itself was the subject of the 2009 Netflix documentary, Fagbug,and
given a makeover by Daviesafter three years and many injuries including eggs,
spit, a trashcan, and more graffiti, such as "Faggetsand dikes need to die."
Davies' belief was that by taking the car on a nationwide tour, homophobia
could be highlightedand addressed. Along the way, Davies receives hundreds
of handwritten notes that are left on the car. She receives emails and messages
that commend her, and others that condemn her, including an email that calls
her "a self indulgentcunt" and "bottom feeder." Neverthelessshe persists,
giving motivational speeches at 200 speaking events. Davies also interviews
over 1,000 people: gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual,straight, allies; open-minded,
tolerant, ignorant, bigoted. Some people react to the Fagbugwith with humor;
others with outrage, anger, confusion. Davies makes sure to address every
comment, including befriending a man who initially tweeted against the car, and
ends up composing some music for the documentary.
Theexpenseof car repairs,the isolationof manyhours of driving alone,and
the separationfrom her wife SonyaParrish,are all offset by the joy of meeting
peoplewho havebeenfollowing Daviesand Fagbugfor 6 years; the relief at being
welcomedby fellow LGBTactivists; and the knowledgethat the Fagbugis spreading
a positive message.The stories of peopleDaviesinterviews-from Colorado
to Kansas,Utahto South Dakota-are nothingshort of inspiring.Theseare the
parents of gay children,and the childrenof gay parents,who experienceeveryday
discrimination,and for whom a visit from the Fagbugis a godsend.Especially
movingare the reactionsof kids enchantedby the rainbow colored car, and kids
like MikeyBurnett in Nebraska,who havealreadyexperienceddiscriminationand
harassmentas early as the fourth grade.Oneintervieweelooksforward to the day
when a road trip like Davies'is no longernecessary.But after watching Fagbug
Nation, it seems that we're not yet there. Roll on, activism!
Freud~~Lesbian Daughter
Blowing the lid off the psychoanalyst's legacy. ev JOAN
ebecca Coffey's debut novel, Hysterical:
Anna Freud's Story
(She Writes Press,
2014), is the fictional autobiography of
Sigmund Freud's lesbian daughter, Anna,
who acquired her own renown as a child
psychoanalyst and tireless humanitarian
but who first had to circumvent her father's suffocating pronouncements about
women in general and about lesbiansher in particular. Praised by Booklist as an
"avidly researched, shrewd, and unnerving
first novel" that is "complexly entertaining,
sexually dramatic, [and] acidly funny;'
called "riveting" and "so rife with tension
it'll make you squirm" by LAMBDA Literary, and strongly recommended by 0, The
Oprah Magazine, Hysterical may be Coffey's most controversial work yet. Which
is saying something, considering that in
her long career as a science journalist (for
Scientific American and Discover magazines, as well as various radio outlets) she's
created hullabaloos aplenty.
You identify as straight. Why were you
drawn to this story?
I had a strong personal identification
LIPKIN
with Annas struggle as a young woman.
Like her, I had a grim sexual coming of age,
and it was in large part due to the expectations my parents had for me. When I realized how badly Anna had chafed under her
father's prejudices, I wanted to know how
she accomplished self-determination so
gracefully. I have to admit that I wondered
because, at least in my own memory, I wasn't
always amiable, or even cordial.
How did she do it-not just survive but
apparently thrive?
Well, her emotional intelligence was
undeniable. And in this book I've added a
sense of humor, because for an oppressed
young woman the combination of smart
and funny can buy a lot of emotional space
and wisdom. In addition to being heartrending and fact-based, Hysterical is, I
hope, an occasionally hilarious read.
Sigmund Freud continues to influence
Western thinking yet Hysterical goes
a long way toward discrediting him.
How fact-based is Hysterical?
Very. I've invented no characters, and
I've built the book close to the bone of the
truth-though
as a novelist I did invent
scenes, a few extra plot lines, and dialogue.
But the truth is that Sigmund Freud
thought that, lacking penises, women also
lack a moral compass and need men to
monitor their behavior. Fathers do that
for girls. Husbands do it for their wives.
According to this line of thinking, lesbianism is dangerous to women because the act
and the life keep them from the intimate
company of men. So Anna had to navigate
all that, as well as her father's idiosyncratic
ideas and revulsions. And she also had to
suffer through psychoanalysis with himyears of it! And here's where the plot sickens, if you will: In that analysis, Sigmund
dissected her masturbation fantasies.
Outrageous. How do you know that?
Anna became a psychoanalyst, and both
Sigmund and she wrote about her fantasies.
In his paper, Sigmund claimed to have treated the young woman who'd had those fantasies since childhood. In her paper, Anna
claimed to have treated the little girl whose
fantasies they were. But Anna also wrote to
friends about those same fantasies-and
when she did, she claimed them as her own.
What was unique about Sigmund's
conversion analysis with Anna?
It may have been the least appropriate
MAR/APR
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33
analysis he ever conducted. As Sigmund
defined psychoanalysis, it is an erotic relationship. A mutual infatuation is cultivated and then analyzed. So how does one
do that with one's own daughter? Even
Sigmund thought it was a terrible idea.
"Never try this at home" was the gist of the
warning he gave colleagues. The fact that
he did is one for the history books.
If he was concerned about Anna's
lesbianism why didn't he assign her
analysis to a colleague?
A good question. Sigmund taught that
lesbianism is always the fault of the father.
He was very protective of his authority, as
well as private about his failings. He actually insisted that people call him "The
Master:' I think he just couldn't risk having
a colleague gossip about how he'd "failed"
in his parental role.
Was Freud successful at converting
Anna to heterosexuality?
Absolutely not. Though the Sigmund
Freud Archives has tried to hide this fact
for about 90 years now, by the mid 1920s
Anna had fallen in love with Dorothy Burlingham, heir to the Tiffany fortune. They
enjoyed 54 years of happy monogamy,
even raising a family together. And as unflappable as Sigmund was in his efforts to
reorient Anna's sexuality and destroy the
love that she and Dorothy shared, Anna
treasured and respected him, tolerated his
prejudices, and tended to him unflaggingly
as he was aging and dying.
How was she able to split her loyaltiesher love for Sigmund and her desire to
live authentically as a lesbian?
Well, as we know, a lot of daughters
love their daddies, no matter what kind of
crap they may pull. But yours is a question
to which I devoted an ungodly amount of
head-scratching. One day, when I was imagining Anna lying prone on the psychoanalytic couch, with her father sitting behind
her head, out of her view, and asking herwhat? "Tell me the good part of my favorite
fantasy again?" Well, I started to laugh, and
I thought, That woman must have had one
incredible sense of humor. And that's when
I actually decided to write her as having a
cynical, self-saving appreciation for the truly
weird. She inherited her intelligence from
her father. Why not his ability to laugh? If
she was able to reframe chaotic and painful
34
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2015
situations in a way that made her guffaw,
and made the people in those situations
seem only adorably insane, she may not have
needed to split her loyalties at all. She may
just have appreciated her relationships, even
given their limitations.
Why did you write Hysterical as fiction
instead of your customary nonfiction?
As a science journalist, my instinct was
to write nonfiction. But to do so, I knew
that, with a story so outrageous, I would
need to fact-check till the cows came
home. Quickly I learned that would be impossible. Most of the really inflammatory
information I had gathered was from the
work of historians whose interview sources were long dead, which meant I couldn't
talk to the people they'd interviewed. And
I couldn't double-check against private papers held by the Sigmund Freud Archives
because, by policy, scholars and journalists
are not allowed access to anything that
might reveal the details of Anna and Dorothy's relationship.
On what basis did you decide to identify Anna and Dorothy as lovers?
Dorothy's own grandson has written a
play about Anna and Dorothy and their
relationship as a life-long lesbian couple,
so if anyone has outed the two of them, it
was he. And Jeffrey MousaieffMasson, the
former projects director of the Freud Archives, recounted a wonderful anecdote in
the foreword to one of his books. He did
his research in the London home where
the Freuds lived after escaping Nazi-occupied Vienna. Anna and Dorothy were old
ladies at the time, living upstairs. Intrigued
by how they doted on each other, and
never having been invited to the upstairs
of the home, he asked the maid whether
the two women shared a bedroom. Her
response implied that they each had their
own rooms, and they used one bedroom
or the other. So the lesbian nature of Anna
and Dorothy's relationship is not the secret that I am revealing. What I'm bringing to light is the struggle Anna had to go
through in order to create her own family
and her full life with Dorothy.
How is this story relevant today?
Freud's ideas continue to be a benchmark against which much mental health
is measured. And conversion therapy is all
over the news, slammed by major psychi-
atric and medical organizations, but still
practiced by therapists within the religious
right. And while New Jersey and California
ban its practice on minors, prohibitions
being considered by other legislatures are
languishing in committee. Meanwhile, the
Texas GOP has incorporated into its party platform legal protections for conversion
therapy. So I'm concerned for the homosexual minors who remain at risk. But I also
think this story has relevance for straight
women. Slut-shaming, for example, remains rampant in college sororities. Women's own judgments about one another as
conniving "hos" have roots in Sigmund
Freud's ideas about penis envy and the castration complex-the very ideas that fueled
Sigmund's attempts to rule Anna.
How have Freudians responded to
Hysterical?
I suspect that the Freud Archives wants
my book to very quietly fail. If I'm right,
the Archives is probably trying to avoid
adding to the book's cachet by reaching out
to journalists and reviewers. But meanwhile, psychoanalysts who've attended my
readings have brought animated insight to
the discussions-and
I mean that in the
best way. Some have spiritedly disagreed
with me, but that helps create a fascinating
book reading. Even so, I've been surprised
at the number of apparently damning details about Sigmund that every psychoanalyst I've encountered has let slide.
This book was nine years in the making, you're now doing readings and
talks around the country. What's next?
Vacation. And then the next book, of
course.•
REVIEWS/
BOOKS
HOT
READS
))BYJULIEHARTHILL
CLAYTON
When
SheWas
Good:
Best
Lesbian
Erotica
Edited
byTristan
Taormina
withIntroduction
byAliLiebegott
(Ylva
Puolisning)
I am a self-proclaimed book nerd. My favorite sex toy is the brain. Words turn me
on. So this collection of sexy, lovely, passionateand intelligenterotica made my toes
curl. Fromthe vanilla in ValerieAlexander's"Paradise"-"it was ice-cream sex, vanilla
and sweet, but I held her shakingbody tight when she came. In her honey I tasted
the venom of our potential"-to the raw aggressivepassion in Missy Leach's"Andthe
Stars Will Never Rise," WhenShe WasGoodhas somethingfor the naughtyand the
nice on your list.
Fromthe discovery of the first hint of desire in TahaiKobayahi's"Different Girls,"
to pushingthe edge of the boundary between pleasureand pain in Radclyffe's"Sweet
No More," people of all persuasionswill find somethingof themselves in these gems.
There'snothingpolite or restrainedabout the stories in this collection.They'rea literary and titillating middlefinger to 'polite society.' Eroticais about sexualrelationships.
Pornographyis about sex. There is a placefor both. I love erotic literaturethat allows
the reader to connect with the characters,to participate in the sensuality.Lesbians,
bisexuals,and queer folk of all kinds will bond (pun intended)with this collection.You'll
blush,you'lltingle, and you'll sweat. At least I did. Perfect for readingalonein the bathtub while sippinga glass of wine or readingaloudto your partner for inspiration.
We'vecome a longway since Anais Nin'sDeltaof Venus("I had a feelingthat Pandora's box containedthe mysteriesof woman'ssensuality,so different from a man's
and for which man'slanguagewas so inadequate.The languageof sex had yet to be
invented.The languageof the senseswas yet to be explored.'')WhenShe WasGood
is a celebrationof sex and sensualityin strong, bold, and much more than adequate
women'slanguage.
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MAR/APR
2015
FEATURES/
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W
e've heard many times
with the customized touch of a person-
about the agony of an-
al stylist. Based on the online profile you
drogynous girls braving
create, a stylist will help select clothing and
the retail wilds in search
accessories taking into account your profes-
of cool threads, and in the past year, sev-
sion, personal taste, and budget. If a similar
eral savvy fashion companies have sprung
system works for dating, why not for fash-
up to address the needs of dapper dykes.
ion? Seems like it might. Greyscale Goods'
The latest player in the tomboy fashion
Kickstarter campaign, managed by Kayce
revolution is Greyscale Goods, and they've
Brown, who is also currently the director
added a twist: you don't even need to leave
of press and strategic partnerships, was suc-
the comfort of your computer to deck your-
cessfully funded on October 31 last year,
self out in stylist-approved duds. The Los
and founder and CEO Sara Medd has been
Angeles based startup curates the best of
focusing on reward fulfillment, building
gender-neutral apparel and sends it direct-
the website, creating software, infrastruc-
ly to your doorstep-at
ture, and inventory for the company to fully
a pace and price to
launch this spring. Medd, a former personal
suit you.
"Greyscale" clients are shoppers who
stylist, is excited to be addressing this gap in
don't feel comfortable with either tradition-
the market. "Style exists in many shades of
al men's or women's clothing departments.
grey, and we want to neutralize this area to
This online retail platform mixes the con-
allow customers to explore style that exists
venience of subscription-based
beyond labels:'
commerce
ST
0
ur current culture has "gelled
the lines of gender;' says
Medd, and Greyscale will
embrace and celebrate that
"within the context of clothing:'
By the time you read this, Greyscale
Goods should be up and running. To be~
come a customer go to the website, sign up
and fill out a profile. Select how frequently
you want to receive a box and Greyscale
Goods will take care of the rest.
"I am so pleased to be able to make this
company a reality and have the opportunity
to introduce this concept to customers in
a tangible form;' says Medd. "Customers
have let me know loud and clear through
this project that they are excited and ready
for this business to exist, so I am ready to
deliver!" (greyscalegoods.com)
'9'9THtlATtST
PlAYtR
INTHtTOMBOY
~ASHION
RtVOlUTION
ISGRtYSCAlt
GOODS
,,
a
rnati
An Indian lesbian
passesas a man.
WORDS AND IMAGES BY
MELANIE DORNIER
A
s a woman living and working in India for the last three
years, I have been concerned about the discrimination
issues and gender inequities that are endemic in this
country. In December 2013, the Supreme Court in
New Delhi reinstated Section 377 of the Penal Code, drafted
in 1860, which holds that two persons of the same sex having
sexual relations are committing a crime punishable by life im~
prisonment. Thinking of my gay family members and friends in
Western countries, I supported the protests and actions against
this ruling. As a result, I started to connect with other activists
via students' queer associations and LGBT sites online. I under~
stand that there is not one LGBT community-every
entity is
very distinct.
Only months after reinstating Section 377, the Indian Su~
preme Court recognised a third sex. This is quite a paradoxical
42
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
situation, the complexities of which I became interested in. When
I was networking in the LG BT community, a journalist (working
for Gaysi: The Gay Desi) gave me the contact details for Pyara, *
a lesbian born as a woman who now identifies as a man. It is very
rare to be introduced to lesbians or anyone in the transgender
community. In North India, including the capital, they are an
underground minority and a very closed community that is not
accepted at all by society. Although it is quite unusual in India,
his family (his mother and sister) know and respect his choice.
They all live together. He has a girlfriend and has been accepted
into her family's home. Pyara has explained to me that he does
not want to change his body, take hormones, or undergo surgery.
He states that sex~change operations in India are expensive and
not very successful.
While in India, I have taken the opportunity to work mainly
MAR/APR
2015
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43
44
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2015
on projects related to gender issues. After previously exploring
the case of a male~born transgender activist, I decided to shift my
focus to Pyara. The central theme of this photo project is how an
Indian woman can live and behave as a man-quite
a challenge
in a strongly patriarchal society like India's, where the duties and
responsibilities of men and women are firmly separated.
Pyara agreed to participate in the project on the condition of
anonymity. I had to employ a 50mm lens to blur his face. When
he had approved the images I selected, I sometimes had to use
Photoshop to re~blur his face. He is very concerned that some~
body might discover his real identity. He resigned from his last
job because his colleagues kept asking him when he was going to
get married. He gets stressed every time he arrives at a security
checkpoint or goes to a public toilet. Pyara and his friends mainly
go out at night, when the streets are empty, to avoid trouble. I
hope that one day Pyara will have an easier life in his own country.
(melaniedornier.com)
*Name changed to protect his identity.
MAR/APR
2015
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45
../ ...
···········Junior
gender benders in the
heart of the Muslim world.
,._..-:>····
....•··::::.::/'/'
A
BY MARCIE BIANCO
fghanistan's bacha posh are evidence of the daily struggle women face in a world that continues to oppress them just because of their gender.
Bacha posh, which is from the Dari language, translates as "dressed like a boy;' and refers to cross-dressing girls. In
Afghanistan, the country that the UN. consistently ranks as the
worst place in the world to be a woman, and where a woman's life
expectancy is 44 years, the bacha posh are a discrete population
of girls who live as boys until they reach puberty.
As boys, these girls subvert long-standing traditions that restrict the movement and liberty of female bodies. In a country
with virtually no gender parity, the bacha posh get to go to school,
they get to play soccer with friends (heck, they are allowed to
have friends), and they are able to move about the world without fear of harm or harassment from men on the street. More
46
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2015
than just having the privileges afforded to male bodies, the bacha
posh actually feel safe in a very dangerous, militantly conservative Muslim nation where the physical oppression of women is all
too real.
More often than not, it's the parents of these young girls who
recommend cross-dressing as the way to live out their childhood.
If a family has more than one daughter, usually the youngest is
given the opportunity to live as a boy, especially since in Afghan
culture male children are thought to be more valuable than female
children. Where there is a male child, the whole family is held in
higher esteem, so parents without sons are quietly proud to have
a bacha posh.
Everyone knows that the bacha posh exist as an identity for
girls cross-dressing as boys, but no one talks about it-it's like
the Afghan version of"Don't Ask, Don't Tell:' The bacha posh are
.·
•:•:•
....·...
·.•.·.·.·.
=r.• ...
.·.•
$./?;?::
-······:·::::;:;:;:~:
\:::
as old as Afghan culture itself, even though they have had no recorded history. Well, not until now. Over a five-year period, the
award-winning journalist Jenny Nordberg has recorded dozens
of bacha posh stories and recounts them in her new book, The
Underground Girls of Kabul: In Search of a Hidden Resistance in
Afghanistan.
From 6-year-old Mehran, who takes great pleasure in running
around as a boy, to 15-year-old Zahra, who is loathe to turn back
into a girl and get married, Nordberg delivers an astounding piece
of anthropological journalism. Each story is unique; she interviews current bacha posh, like Mehran, and fully grown women
who used to be bacha posh but have lost their temporary entitlements and are now mothers themselves. Many bacha posh, it is no
surprise, do not want to give up the freedoms and pleasures of
being male. Some, too, including Zahra, no longer identify with
the female gender. "When I grow up, I will go to the West;' she
tells Nordberg, "where nobody gets involved in your business. My
will is very strong, and I will refuse my parents. Nobody can force
me to do anything ... ! am not a girl:'
In Afghanistan, any discussion of sex and sexuality is virulently prohibited, and Nordberg does not attempt to transgress into
that discursive territory, except to explore briefly, in Chapter 14,
the extent to which sex and sexuality are taboo subjects. In an
interview with Curve, Nordberg is adamant that "there is no direct correlation between hiding your gender, as in bacha posh, or
passing, and homosexuality in adult age:'
Without a doubt, the greatest form of oppression in the history
of the world is gender oppression. Society oppresses what is visible, and gender-not
sexuality-is that which is visible to the eye.
Nordberg's research focuses solely on cross-dressing.
"Disguising oneself as a member of the recognized and approved group is at the same time a subversive act of infiltration
and a concession to an impossible racist, sexist, or otherwise segregating system;' Nordberg writes. Indeed, if anything, the bacha
posh are living proof that not only can assimilation be a subversive
act-more importantly, it is a vital necessity to ensure one's health
and safety. ( theundergroundgirlsofk.abul.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
47
I
n 1976, Renee Richards, an MTF transsexual, applied to the
United States Tennis Association (USTA) to play in the U.S.
Open as a woman. At the time, the USTA, the Women's Tennis
Association, and the U.S. Open Committee required all female
competitors to verify their gender with a Barr body test, which
looks for the presence of two X chromosomes in a somatic cell to
prove that the subject is female. The test is administered by a lab
tech from a blood sample, and though the results are sometimes
flawed and inconclusive, the test was thought to be a scientific
improvement over the so~called nude parade, in which gender
was determined visually. Richards refused to take the Barr body
test and was banned from competing in the 1976 U.S. Open. She
ultimately decided to sue the USTA for gender discrimination
under the New York State Human Rights Law-and
won the
case. A judge of the Supreme Court of New York granted her an
48
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2015
injunction and she was allowed to play in the 1977 U.S. Open.
Despite the fact that she won her case in court, Richards faced
palpable resistance to the idea that she was entitled to compete in
women's professional tennis. Many people suggested that some men
would start dressing as women just to participate in and dominate
women's sports. Others believed that regardless of extensive hor~
mone therapy and sex reassignment surgeries, females who had been
born male still retained the muscle definition, bone structure, and
physicality of males. In 40 years, opinions haven't changed much. To~
day, Fallon Fox, a talented MMA fighter and a transgender lesbian
athlete, has been facing the same kind of discrimination that Rich~
ards faced. Ronda Rousey, the No, 1 female fighter in the Ultimate
Fighting Championship (UFC) circuit, is on record as saying that
she believes transgender fighters have an unfair advantage.
Is it true? Well, it all depends on who you talk to. Reputable scien~
tists, medical experts, and researchers can be found to support both
sides of the argument. A simple Google search will bring up a variety of articles and quotes, including a study in the Journal of Clinical
Endocrinology and Metabolism that shows how 20 male-to-female
subjects taking testosterone-suppression treatments ended up gaining fat in feminine-heavy areas, like the hips, thighs, and buttocks. Yet
another study notes that its male-to-female subjects still had more
muscle than female-born subjects three years after starting treatment.
So, what's the answer? I don't know. All I can say is that every
human body is different and reacts differently to hormone treatment. What I am more concerned about is the whole person-who
is out there enduring all this scrutiny, all the time. What if we sat
down with Fallon Fox and had an open conversation. What if we
set aside our snap judgments and listened to her with an open mind
and an open heart. Would your opinions change? There's only one
way to find out, and that's to ask Fox. Her answers are above.
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
49
I
want my paintings of women to fascinate and create emotion.
I certainly have an intimate knowledge of the female form, not
only because I am female but from sharing my life with the
woman I love and observing her in quiet moments when she is
not aware of my gaze.
I received my undergraduate degree from Indiana University and
one day in 1986 I decided that it was time to live in Europe. I bought
a one~way airline ticket to Germany and began studying at the
Academy of Fine Arts, Nuremberg. I moved several years later to
Berlin, continued at the Akademie der Kiinste, and would regularly
paint on the Berlin Wall. A group of us became involved with Keith
Haring's art project while he was in Berlin. It was an interesting and
enjoyable time. I would be a vastly different person today had I not
decided to do follow that path.
As I work, my canvas is often lying flat on the floor of my studio,
52
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
similar to Jackson Pollock. I walk around the canvas and sometimes
drip or throw paint from above to begin the base layers of my more
abstract works. I had this nice bottle of French red wine on the floor
not far from my canvas and I stepped to the side and knocked the
bottle over and the wine washed over a portion of my work. My first
reaction was to quickly reach for a cloth but as I looked at the effect,
and allowed it to settle, I liked the accidental nature of what had
happened and thus began many years of experimenting with wine
as a medium. In my paintings there are as many as 15 to 20 different
layers of paint, wine, wood stain, enamel, charcoal and glaze, which
are repeated to build up the surface and allow translucent layers of
underlying color to show through. Most of the works I sell range
from 2 feet to 6 feet in dimension. But if I had the luxury I would
paint large, flowing works almost exclusively.
Several years ago I was in Napa Valley,drinking wine at one of the
Mondavi properties. In casual conversation with one of the staffers
at the winery, I mentioned my art and its wine connection. I showed
her several images and she brought my work to the attention of the
Mondavis. Peter Mondavi Jr. has since featured my artwork in the
Charles Krug Winery in St. Helena, CA. I also recently began a re~
lationship with Carnival Cruise Lines, creating new original art for
their fleet, including the Carnival Pride ship.
I am certainly inspired by the love in my life. I am also inspired by
places I visit and experiences I have. I draw inspiration from reading
and researching things that I find interesting. Some people in the art
world have called my work pretty, and they do not mean that in a
complimentary way. But I am okay with that. If my work is visually
appealing, I don't think that detracts from the ideas behind it. It's
more complicated than it seems initially, and perhaps that is simply
a metaphor for mysel£ (abstractmodern.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
53
7~
..········Meet
the lesbian rock star
.... of West Coast tattoos.
BY MARCIE BIANCO
T
attoos are today's thumb ring for the lesbian commu~
nity. They represent self~expression, artistry, a touch of
rebellion. The body of a queer woman, whether it's on
view at the annual Pride parade or at a weekly women's
event at the bar, is, more often than not, a human canvas adorned
with tattoos.
Enter Ivana Belakova, whose clients and fans around the world
know her simply as Ivana. Slovakian born, Ivana has set up shop
in Los Angeles after living all over the world, from Australia to
the Caribbean. She has become one of the most sought~after tat~
too artists in the world because of her iconic style, which is-as
she describes it-part
impressionistic, part pixilation: "modern,
funky~looking designs;' that are "a marriage of street art and
graphic art with a dash of realism at the same time:'
More impressive than her international awards and exhibi~
54
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
tions, and the 2012 publication of her book, NarcissisticRockstar,
which includes some of her favorite tattoos, artwork, graphic de~
sign, and photography, is the fact that Ivana is selftaught. She
studied accounting, not art, in college. After graduation, a friend
offered her a job in a tattoo shop. "I had no idea what I wanted to
do for work. I only knew I was not going to sit in an office to do
paperwork.
"I had no idea how to tattoo, so I started to practice on my
friends and family, and slowly I [figured] things out. .. Tattooing
really came to me. I was obsessed. I never thought I was going to
do something like this in my life. It was love at first sight, and I
love it more every day. I am very grateful!"
Ivana's fierce, unapologetic, and daring tattoo style blends and
bleeds color in a way that other tattoo artists would find too risky.
Originally, Ivana only tattooed in black and gray, but, over the
course of her 13~year career, she expanded her palette to incor~
porate color in a big way. Rendering a kind of graffiti on the skin,
a surface that changes and ages over time, takes immense skilland it is this precise transposition of method from concrete to
skin that has catapulted Ivana to stardom.
The key is to layer the colored ink, she says, over a solid black
base, in much the same way that a painter would, so that, "even as
the colors fade over the years, the tattoo still holds its shape and
looks nice. Layering really helps give [a tattoo] that effect, so that
it has depth;' she says, noting that at this point in the process she
can add detail, sometimes with the assistance of a specialized tat~
too machine, to flesh out the unique style of the design.
Critical to Ivana's method is the connection she has with each
client. For her, tattooing is an organic, "natural process" that re~
quires her "to get into [her] clients' minds and try to connect with
their feelings:' This requires complete freedom and artistic control
over the body as canvas. Like an artist, or a conjurer, she makes
her client's vision appear."My tattoos are fusion;' she says."It's my
client's energy and my expression of something" that create each
piece of art. "Tattooing is my artistic expression-just
like any
other artist is doing, but using a different medium;' she declares.
"The skin is mine:' (ivanatattooart.com)
MAR/APR
2015
CURVE
55
I
f you were listening to R&B during
the '90s, chances are you're familiar
with Monifah. The singer-who
was born Monifa Carter in East
Harlem-was
a regular on the R&B
charts during that decade, and even experienced some crossover pop success with
hits like "I Miss You (Come Back Home)"
and "Touch It:' She collaborated with the
late Heavy D, among other artists, and
released three albums between 1996 and
2000. But Monifah hasn't released a new
disc since then. So, what's she been up
to? Plenty, as it turns out. In addition to
working on material for her long-awaited
fourth studio effort, which should be out
within months, Monifah has starred in
the reality TV series R&B Divas: Atlanta;
she's been raising awareness about AIDS;
and she's writing a one-woman show. But
perhaps most significantly, in February of
last year she married her longtime girlfriend, Terez Thorpe.
While same-sex weddings are certainly
more common than they were when Monifah arrived on the scene, they' re still not
exactly an everyday occurrence, particularly when the parties involved are women of color and one of them is a famous
singer. (Consider the speculation that has
surrounded Queen Latifah, the late Whitney Houston, and others over the years.)
Monifah and Terez actually made history
when they became the first African American women to have their nuptials nationally televised. And she couldn't be happier.
"It's been amazing;' says Monifah over
lunch in midtown Manhattan. "Spiritually, we were married already. We did that
piece privately, at home. The actual ceremony [was] for people we love to share in
it, and that was great. It affords us rights,
and it protects us, you know, if one of us
is ill. .. the things that heterosexuals probably take for granted. Now, we're able to
take care of each other in the eyes of the
law. So that's a blessing.
"[Terez and I] knew each other socially [for] about 20 years now;' she continues. ''A.nd five years ago we reconnected,
through some mutual friends, on a com-
pletely different leveL.We were both
coming out of some long-term connections with other people that weren't serving us anymore. It was divinely ordered,
I believe. We took our time and we were
friends first. We still enjoy each other's
company [and] never run out of things to
talk about. I love our conversations. [And]
I still think she's the hottest thing ever!"
When I ask her if it's even harder for
black artists to come out, Monifah-who
has had relationships with both men and
women, and says it's an individual's spirit
that attracts her-answers
affirmatively.
"I think we face a double whammy;' she
explains. "I believe it's still very taboo, because of the religious piece and how people
are raised ... It's [gotten] better, but [people] still think that you can 'God' someone
into being straight:'
On a related note, she says, "I wrote
the treatment [for] the single off my last
album, Home, and I codirected the video.
My song was called 'I Can Tell: [It was inspired by] the life I was living and the parties I would go to. I would see these guys
that I knew, [and other] people who knew
them didn't know that they were bisexual
or gay. And with the AIDS epidemic, and
women being infected because men were
lying-and
vice versa-I
did this video
that they wouldn't even show the end of!
It was a guy sitting in a chair, and you're
thinking, It's gonna be another woman [in
bed] ... And I was like, 'It has to be a guy
at the end: It was me talking about the
phenomenon of the down-low male, and
nobody wanted to believe me!" Of course,
in the 15 years or so since she released "I
Can Tell;' the phenomenon of down-low
men in the African American community
has become big enough to warrant a New
York Times Magazine cover story.
Her work to increase AIDS awareness
also has a personal connection for the
singer. "I lost my brother, Kevin Carter, in
1995 to complications [of] the AIDS virus;' she says. "We were very close. If people were aware ... We're killing ourselves.
We make up [too large] a percentage of
cases in the United States-and
globally,
even. Especially, people in my generation. Were still getting infected, women especially, at exorbitant rates. So I
have to say something:'
When I ask her to name some of the
women who have shaped her as a singer, Monifah lists Billie Holiday, Diana
Ross, Dionne Warwick, Phyllis Hyman, and several others. But there's no
question who her biggest influence is.
"Growing up, A No. 1 [was] Teena Marie;' she says. "[She] was a huge influence on me as far as writing and vocally.
I just loved the way she told stories:' As
for her upcoming album, Monifah says
that a few of those influences will be on
display.
'Tm gonna bring [people] with me
on a journey;' she explains. "You're
definitely gonna hear what you feel is
classic Monifah-R&B.
But R&B is a
lot of things! So the sound is broader.
I'm a Broadway baby. And I'm a belter!
[So] I'm playing with a lot of different
sounds. I'm really excited about this:'
( themonifah.com) •
MONIFAH
&TEREZ'S
HAWAIIAN
WEDDING
We asked the R&B icon for some particulars regarding her wedded bliss.
Who popped the question?
union legally. Hawaii became the destination
favorite color. Amethyst was selected for its
Terez, as she took me on a date, which
of choice for its beauty and the ability to get
power, its healing and protective properties.
consisted of a tour of where she grew up in
married as a same-sex couple.
Chattanooga, Tennessee. We ended up at
Did you write your own vows?
the Tennessee Aquarium, and she popped
The black gowns were gorgeous! Tell us
Our celebrant was Bishop Allyson Abrams
the question. The proposal was featured in
about them.
of Empowerment Liberation Cathedral in
season 2 of R&BDivas: Atlanta on TV One.
I designed my own wedding dress. I used
Silver Springs, Maryland. We both wrote our
She was nervous as hell but so cool about
ideas that I had from three of my favorites
own vows. Terez actually memorized hers. I
it that I couldn't notice. The wedding was
and made it my own. For both of us, our
wrote mine the night before and read them
featured in season 3 of the show as well,
favorite color is black, for its sexy chic
to her at the ceremony. They were beautiful
with all the divas, our family, and friends. It
appeal. With Hawaii being so colorful and it
and heartfelt.
was amazing. Rahsaan Patterson, Syleena
being an outdoor wedding, we decided to
Johnson, and Keke Wyatt actually sang at
let God provide the color hues we wanted,
the wedding, making it even more special
which made the pictures pop, what with the
It was hilarious because we actually got
for us.
floral arrangements at both the ceremony
snowed in-in
and the reception! Terez was in a sexy
[thanks to the weather back home on the
jeweled jumpsuit designed by Walter Foster.
East Coast] and had a ball. Due to our
Is there any special meaning behind the
to move back our long vacation with each
Why did you choose Hawaii as your
Hawaii-with
all of our friends
intense work schedule, we both decided
wedding destination?
We knew we wanted a destination wedding,
Where was the honeymoon?
but it had to be legal and LGBT-friendly. We
rings you chose?
other. Our honeymoon/anniversary will be
didn't want to just have a ceremony, in a
Our wedding and engagement rings are
celebrated in the Fiji Islands.
place that didn't support or recognize the
amethyst and diamonds. Purple is [another]
eningto Meghan Trainor,
ho hails from Nantucket,
ass., you'll find it easy to
lieve that she only recent~
y turned 21. The Gram~
my~nominated pop singer and songwriter
gushes with youthful exuberance over the
phenomenal success she has had in the
last three years. Though she's been writing
songs since she was 11, and attended the
prestigious Berklee College of Music Sum~
mer Performance Program twice during
high school, it was signing a publishing
deal with Big Yellow Dog Music, just after
her 18th birthday, that really got things
going. The independent music publishing
company-on
Music Row in Nashvilleis a place that many young songwriters can
only dare to dream about.
IJ
With Big Yellow Dog behind her, Trainor
released two albums (I'll Sing With You
and Only 17), moved to Nashville, attend~
ed songwriting camps, and eventually land~
ed some cuts with other artists. In 2013,
during one of those writing retreats, Train or
teamed up with songwriter~producer Kevin
Kadish. They ended their day having
penned "All About That Bass" and the rest,
as they say, is history ...though history is still
in the making. Trainor recalls their very low
expectations for the song: "We kind of just
laughed and said, 'Ain't nobody ever gonna
hear this, because there's no artist who can
cut this right now: It was so specific, and
our goal as songwriters and producers was
to get a cut, get a single, because that's the
only way we can make money nowadays and
survive. So, this song, we were like, 'I know
we'll never make any money, but at least it's
a fun song:" Even Big Yellow Dog did not
understand what they had their hands on.
"My publisher was like, 'This is awesome,
but what do you expect us to do with itr' "
she says, laughing.
They all figured it out pretty quickly
with the help of L.A. Reid, who signed
Trainor to Epic Records after hearing
her demo of the tune. Throughout 2014,
''All About That Bass" was about as ubiq~
uitous as it could be: There were perfor~
mances and parodies galore, and by the
end of the year, the pastel~drenched vid~
eo had been viewed 400 million times.
"I remember 5 million views was ridicu~
lous. RIDICULOUS!" Trainor enthuses.
"My stomach always drops when I hear
the news. I'm like, 'Oh, gosh. People are
-=.~'}f(~~
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--.J,·t~
··•j
watching me try to dance. That many
people ...yikes!'" That many people watch~
ing her try to dance pushed the tune to
the top of the charts-and
not just in
the United States but in Australia, New
Zealand, Canada, Denmark, Germany,
the UK, and 10 more countries. It's one of
the best~selling singles of all time.
But all that success cannot, of course,
come without some pushback. While
most people rightfully interpret''All About
That Bass" as promoting self acceptance
and a positive body image, a vocal minori~
ty have latched onto two words-"skinny
bitches" -dismissing the rest of the verse,
in which Trainor explicitly says, "No, I'm
just playing. I know you think you're fat,
but I'm here to tell ya, every inch of you is
perfect from the bottom to the top:' The
singer can see all this play out in real time
on her social media sites. "Every lnstagram
comment, every time I put up a picture, it's
paragraphs of people fighting each other,
like, 'She's bashing skinny people: And the
others are like, 'No, she's not. If you would
just listen to her lyrics ..: I didn't put out a
song to hate on a person. I don't know who
would do that, and especially not because
they're skinny. That's ridiculous;' she says.
Being all things to all people is a lot of
pressure to put on a pop song, especially
one written with good intentions, and even
better hooks. "I think it was too big of a
song. It beat so many records and got nom~
inated as a first single. It was like a Lorde
story, and they had to find something
wrong with it because they couldn't handle
it;'Trainor explains."That's what we all do.
Every time I hear something that's amaz~
ing, I'm like, 'Wait a second, what's wrong
with this?' Then I'm like, 'OK, I love it:"
Trainor herself has not escaped judg~
ment, either. In case there was any doubt
about it, sexism and misogyny are alive
and well in America. Everywhere she goes,
Trainor says, people are "checking me out,
to see if I got that 'boom boom that all
the boys chase' and 'all the right junk' in
the right places. Everyone looks at me. It's
weird. Everyone's checking me out, but I
can't get a date. What's up with that?" Some
folks do more than just check her out,
though. Somehow, they feel permitted, if
not obliged, to comment on her physique.
"Nowadays, they're saying, 'She's not even
that fat! Why is she talking about this?' "
Trainor continues, "Some people wish I
was bigger. When they meet me, they're
like, 'You're too small!' And I'm like, 'Thank
your Sorry I'm not eating enough for you:
I'm pretty content with my body. I like it:'
She is also pretty content with her ca~
reer. For the better part of 2015, Trainor
will tour behind her major~label debut
album, Title. Her first run as a headliner
has sold out pretty quickly, proving that
she's got what it takes to do this whole
music thing. "That's the last step, I'm pret~
ty sure-you
can be an artist with a hit
song, but can you sell tickets? So that was
a blessing;' she says.
Trainor will play the Black Party during
Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend in
Palm Springs, Cali£, in early April. With
a couple of Pride performances under her
belt, she is excited to hit The Dinah. "I did
a Gay Pride thing in Atlanta, and I was do~
ing the sound check when all these lesbians
came up and were loving me. I think they
were just hot for my dancers! The best, too,
is when I do a Gay Pride show and do my
song 'Dear Future Husband' and they all
go, Tm your future husband!' I love it! It's
so awesome:' (meghantrainor.com) •
IT'S A BIRD?
IT'S A PLANE?
IT'S AQUAGIRL!
AQUAGIRL ISTHELARGEST
~ CHARITYEVENTIN THEWORLD
] FORWOMENWHOLOVEWOMEN.
§
0)
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Cl...
~ MAY13-17,2015
1 SOUTHBEACH,FLORIDA
"'O
<I:
VISITAQUAGIRL.ORG
FORDETAILS
-I
POWEREDBY AQUA FOUNDATIONFOR WOMEN
I
f~
@AQUAGIRL
•
IN
A NATURAL1-IIGI-I
ARGENTINA
From winding roads to wondrous wines, high altitude Argentina welcomes lesbians.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
LJV
Y 1111
~ f ~ \/[ ~II
The province of Jujuy (pronounced
who-HWEE) is a treat for the outdoorsy
girl (turismo.jujuy.gov.ar). Hotel Howard
its natural wonders, such as the World
Johnson (hjjujuy.com.ar) in San Salvador
de Jujuy is a nice and reliable place to stay.
beautiful gorge inhabited by the Omaguaca
Indians 9,000 years ago and which still has
some indigenous settlements. (Travelers
The rooms are modern and clean, and
the property is conveniently situated in
town. The front desk will recommend bus
tours, guides, and a good local restaurant
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male-owned club Vieja Violeta (viejavioleta.
com) in downtown San Salvador.
The region of Jujuy is distinguished by
Heritage-listed Quebrada de Humahuaca, a
can stay with local families and learn the
customs of their agrarian life.) The Cerro de
such as Restaurante Viracocha, where you
can sample Andean cuisine-if you're an
los Siete Colores (the Hill of Seven Colors)there are literally seven colors in this
beautiful landmark, each hue created by
adventurous carnivore, even llama stew. In
terms of nightlife, there are a couple of gay
bars, but odds are your daytime treks will
mineral deposits-is the stuff of postcards
and will knock your eyes out. So will the
Puna de Atacama, an Andean plateau 3,000
leave you too tuckered out to go looking
for a dancefloor. If you would like to meet
the girls, head to the quirky, kitschy, fe-
the stunning Salinas Grandes (Great Salt
Plains). My tour here included an antipasto
meters above sea level, which features
Llamas (caravanadellamas.com) organizes
lunch, and it was sublime to sip wine and
hotel.com.ar), where the purple clay and
gaze out at the pristine white landscape
cactus wood casas and cabanas reflect
llama treks through the town and beyond,
(tip: sunscreen is a must). You can venture
the colors of the surrounding hills. The
and these guided excursions can last from a
even higher, such as to the Cuesta de
property features spa services, a pool, and a
few hours to a few days, depending on your
Lipan, which is 4,170 meters (almost 14,000
restaurant where you can sample the rustic
level of interest. Learn about the origins and
feet) above sea level and seems to touch
northern fare. It's a safe and restful place
habits of the llama, which was domesticat-
the heavens. I'll admit it: I suffered a little
with an easy stroll into town to look at the
ed from the wild guanaco and valued by
altitude sickness and was offered an oxygen
stores, bars, and cafes.
the Andean people for 5,000 years for its
wool and meat, and as a pack animal. My
tank by our gracious minibus driver, but
For a fascinating day trip, drive to the
once I adjusted my breathing and made
region's main archaeological site, El Pucara
llama was friendly and fairly docile, if a little
only the most economical physical move-
de Tilcara. This beautiful pre-Inca fort just
stubborn, and after some local refreshment,
ments, I was fine. The views are literally
outside the village of Tilcara was built by
animal education, and getting to know the
breathtaking and worth the long, nail-biting
the Omaguaca Indians in the 12th century,
ways of these creatures, we walked togeth-
ride up a narrow road filled with countless
and its well-preserved ruins, punctuated by
er through the winding streets of town, and
hairpin bends and acute curves.
massive cactuses, still possess a compelling
the local kids ran out to see the parade.
To explore this region, make the picturesque village of Purmamarca, in the foothills
of the Andes, your home base. Stay at the
charming Hotel La Comarca (lacomarca-
energy and afford stunning views of the
surrounding mountains.
Tilcara is also the place to get up close
and personal with llamas. Caravana de
The largest local center in Jujuy is
Humahuaca, a charming town with cobblestone streets, numerous cantinas, and a
marketplace selling handmade local goods
MAR/APR
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such as ceramics, leather goods, woven crafts, handheld musical
boating, lunching, and bungee jumping. For an atmospheric
pipes known as siku and iconic cups with metal straws from which
dinner go to La Casona Del Molino. The hand-carved wooden fur-
Argentinians sip the herbal tea mate -it was here that I purchased
niture, the platters of barbecue washed down with Salta beer, the
a fabulous Quechua-style hat! The perfect place to bed down after
rousing folk music to which the locals sing along ...l got my gaucho
a day on the road is the Hotel de Huacalera (hotelhuacalera.com).
on! For a final nightcap, stop in at the Delvino (hoteldelvinosalta.
This majestic contemporary roadside inn features stunning con-
ar). This is the first wine-themed city hotel in Salta and, hosted by
ceptual artwork, large rooms, and decor that will please the most
a young and dedicated team, reminds me why I like northwest
discerning queer traveler. Plus, there are llamas grazing outside
Argentina: seemingly in the middle of nowhere, yet so urbane.
your door! This is the best of country living combined with South
(argentina.travel)
American sophistication and a lovely spot to wind up the Jujuy
portion of your adventure.
SOPHISTICAT[O
SAITA
Salta (tourismosalta.gov.ar), about an hour and a half from Jujuy
by car-and also beautiful-is
renowned for its culture and vino.
The local beer, simply named Salta, is a good thirst quencher at
the end of the day but the big beverage in this region is Torrontes.
This indigenous grape makes an easy-drinking, fruity, and fragrant
white wine that is perfect as an aperitif or with light dishes. The
Piattelli Vineyards (piattellivineyards.com) does a good job of
producing this wine, and the master winemaker is young local
woman, Valeria Antolin. And Piattelli Vineyards is a grand place
to enjoy a wine tasting, since the terrace has intoxicating views of
the Calchaquf Valley.
Purchase a bottle of Piattelli Torrontes to sip at sundown in
your luxury digs at the Patios de Cafayate (patiosdecafayate.com).
You won't want to leave this lovely 18th century property, with its
gardens, in-ground pool, and Spanish Colonial decor. But leave
you must, to experience the capital city of Salta, a three-hour drive
away. This little city has a lovely main square, busy streets, many
shops, and fascinating museums-the
Museum of High Altitude
Archaeology is an arresting experience, but brace yourself for
learning about the grisly aspects of Inca culture, including ritual
sacrifice. Leave your judgement at the door and commend the
curators for not sanitizing their history.
After dark, in the Paseo Calle Balcarce, you can discover an
exuberant nightlife and an LGBTscene. I met local lesbian LGBT
activists who told me about Salta Gay Pride and their community.
If you want to eat gay in Salta, the atmospheric restaurant Cafe
del Tiempo has a gay chef and a lesbian sous chef. If you want to
stay gay in Salta, try the Azarenko Boutique Hotel (azarenkohotel.
com) in neighboring San Lorenzo. More contemporary guesthouse
than hotel, the owner, local businessman Ricardo Guede, appeals
to the LGBTtraveler with his suites named after iconic performers
such as Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe. Another option in San
Lorenzo is the lovely female-owned Don Nu mas boutique hotel
and spa (donnumas.com.ar) where pampering is key.
For something right in downtown Salta, however, the appropriately named Design Suites offers impeccable modernist
ambience, and amenities such as a rooftop pool and deck with
views over the plaza 9 de julio (designsuites.com).
For day trips out of town, there are numerous lovely sites to
visit, including the Quebrada de San Lorenzo, a lush and stunning
gorge, quite different from the arid red rock vistas. But if you've
become bewitched by those red rocks, Las Conchas Canyon in
Cafayate, a Sedona-like landscape carved by the Rio Las Conchas,
makes for a mesmerizing drive. Residents of Salta often spend
their weekends at Cabra Corral Dam, which affords lakelike vistas,
68
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2015
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ONAUSTRALIA»
OUTBAcl<A
Calling all DIY dykes-Australia's Outback Queensland could be your destiny.
BY LYNNE HOCKING
The idea of a woman exploring the wilds of Australia is not as crazy as you might think. Many
women drive campers or trailers, or have car-top tent setups, and everyone who owns an allwheel-drive vehicle wants to put their gear to the test. Yes, lesbians love the Great Outdoors,
and Australia presents one of the world's best opportunities for adventure: the Outback. And
we're not talking Outback Steakhouse, either.
A
ustralia has backyard to suit any level of on- and off-
weekend in September. Because the event has made it onto many
road driving you care to try. Outback Queensland, with
an Aussie's bucket list, people travel from all around the country to
its vast open spaces, long straight roads, and amazing
attend.
ancient landscapes, is a place that will mesmerize and
Another bucket list feat: a drive up Big Red, the tallest sand
inspire you. Rich red sand dunes stand against the brilliance of a
dune in the Simpson Desert. Imagine the feeling of standing on
huge blue sky, and after an early winter rain, fields of yellow and
top of the dune and taking in the vastness and silence at your feet,
white wildflowers cover the dunes.
and then traversing deeper into the Simpson Desert, over many
A great way to get the most out of a visit to Outback
Queensland is to travel with people who have been showcasing
more dunes, before enjoying Deb's legendary pot of tea and some
of the best Anzac biscuits ever! The experience of this remote-
this region for years. Deb and Graham, who own and operate
ness is heightened as you travel in your own vehicle, battling the
Travel West Tours (travelwest.com.au), are based in Charleville.
elements to Gordillo Downs, once Australia's largest sheep station
They conduct 4WD Tag Along Tours to Birdsville, lnnamincka, and
(it's about 3,000 square miles), famous for shearing over 85,000
the Corner Country. People just love Tag Alongs because they get
sheep in one season. Then it's on to the Dig Tree, a heritage-listed
to travel in the privacy of their own vehicle but know that Deb and
coolibah tree where the ill-fated explorers Burke and Wills kept
Graham are right up front to provide any assistance. The driving
their supplies. On the way to lnnamincka, look out for large flocks
is not extreme, and touring with Travel West will mean that you
of corellas (a subgenus of the white cockatoo) by the waterhole.
won't drive past places of significance. Your seven-day tour of the
You'll spend two nights at lnnamincka, one of the most remote
Outback includes motel accommodations and all meals. Travel
tourist destinations in the world. Intrepid but foolhardy Burke and
West caters to non-smokers only, and people have applauded
Wills made lnnamincka famous because it's close to where they
this decision. To do this trip, you need a 4WD with high/low ratio,
perished of starvation back in 1861, but don't worry, that won't
a second spare tire, a vehicle navigation system such as a UHF
happen to you. Today the classic tiny Outback settlement is known
radio, and the fuel capacity to cover 600 kilometers (375 miles). If
for its first-class accommodations and meals!
you're towing a camper trailer or van, you can leave it at Charleville
Follow the Grand Strzelecki Track to Cameron Corner, where
Bush Caravan Park for the week you're on tour, or, if you need
the borders of Queensland, New South Wales, and South Australia
accommodations, Charleville Bush Cottage is a great option
meet. You'll dine out at the Cameron Corner Store-it
(charlevillecaravanpark.com.au)
Michelin rated, but you will experience the best that money can
is yet to be
Departing Charleville, you'll travel west through an avenue of
buy. Then travel through the Dingo Barrier Fence, across the New
mulga trees and on to Quilpie, famous for its magnificent opals.
South Wales border, and on to the quaint little town of Tibooburra.
A visit to the opal altar in St. Finbarr's Church in Quilpie features
Granite boulders are a feature of the landscape, and the town has
boulder opals mined and cut by the locals-country
two great pubs. You'll spend two nights there.
people are
amazing artists whose passion shines through their finished work.
Explore the area and learn about the pioneering pastoral Durack
Your Travel West adventure comes to an end in Tibooburra after
breakfast, and if you don't need to go back to Charleville to pick
dynasty (depicted in the classic Australian novel Kings in Grass
up your van, you could continue south to Broken Hill and beyond,
Castles) before reaching Cooper Creek. Your overnight stop is
east via Wanaaring to Bourke, or continue to be amazed at all that
Windorah, and an afternoon cocktail at the homestead-style
Outback Queensland has to offer by heading north to Noccundra
Western Star Hotel & Motel (westernstarhotel.com.au) will show
(great historic pub there), then on to Thargomindah, Eulo, and
you Outback Queensland's finest hospitality.
Cunnamulla-there's
Birdsville is your next destination for two nights. The two iconic
plenty to see along the way.
You will understand why people fall in love with Outback
pubs in this remote little town have been made famous by the
Queensland-there
Birdsville Races, an international party event held on the first
all the characters you will meet along the way.
is so much beauty and history, not to mention
FEATURES/
TRA
IF YOU GO
in the Outback is
The besttime to travel is May-September (winter
November-March
l).
beautifu
days
gorgeous-nights can be cold but
Fahrenheit.
degrees
95-113
n
betwee
be
often
can
tures
tempera
round.
year
ended
Sunscreen and a hat are recomm
insect repel lent
You are more likely to see creepy crawlies and need
during the warmer/hotter months.
the water in westAlways take plenty of water especially as some of
Basin and a
Artesian
Great
the
from
comes
land
Queens
of
ern parts
able.
lot of people find that water unpalat
a Satellite phone
Mobile phone coverage is also sporadic and hiring
with experienced
is sometimes a good choice if you're not travelling
guides.
have limited
The distances can be vast between towns and some
may also be
fuel
extra
g
Carryin
.
services including mechanical/tire
areas.
some
in
ary
necess
a tour operaIf you're planning to visit Outback Queensland contact
ask them
and
plans
your
discuss
to
Centre
tion
tor or a Visitor Informa
for suggestions.
Useful links: outbackqld.com.au, travelwest.com.au
SOUTH
COAST
Our city car is lightly packed as we set it free on the open road, ready to explore the
wonders of the South Coast of New South Wales, Australia. Just one hour into our
drive from Sydney, we commence our descent from the top of the escarpment:
It's a sense of being on the precipice of something special. And we are. The city of
Wollongong has welcomed us with open arms.
MAR/APR
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TURES/
TRAVEL
irst on our list, we decide to hit the bends in a classy Cliff
F
we drop in to the historic Schoolhouse (theschoolhouse.com.
cliff-hugging roads and across the 665-metre Sea Cliff
au), which has been given a new lease on life; it's now the place
Bridge. An absolutely spectacular variety of sights accompany
to sample artisanal cheeses and yoghurt using the best local milk,
the purr of the engine, and we stop frequently at lookouts and
plus a range of teas grown organically nearby.
villages to enjoy our prepared morning tea and lunch.
Once the dream-mobile is safely, albeit reluctantly, returned,
We head to Gerringong to search the coastline for whales, then
Seeking simplicity, we settle into a deluxe beachside cabin
at Kendal ls on the Beach Holiday Park (kiamacoast.com.au/
we satnav to our accommodation for the night. We choose the
kendalls_beach). A balcony overlooking the ocean and a glass of
Novotel Wollongong Northbeach (novotelnorthbeach.com.au),
wine in hand is all we need. The only sounds are the waves gently
drawn particularly to its stunning Mediterranean bar/restaurant
crashing on the shore and our glasses clinking.
Pepe's on the Beach. Newly opened, it features whitewashed
floors and bright colors, and stunning outdoor deck overlooking
Leaving this part of the coast the following morning, we
continue trekking south to the glorious Shoal haven region, which
the beach. We start with oyster shots, then share Southern fried
is a foodie, nature and adventure lover's paradise. Crystal clear
chicken sliders, sashimi and fish tacos.
waters, striking hillside panoramas and deep, lush valleys-the
The next morning we arrive in time for lunch in Kiama, keen to
scenery alone is sure to leave you captivated. Bewitching scenery
refuel so we are ready to take on the famous Kiama Coast Walk.
aside, the emerging "foodie scene" is capturing the attention of
Hiking boots on, we agree to take on only the third section of
connoisseurs from far and wide, with an impressive range of re-
the spectacular walk, which in full, stretches from the coastal
nowned restaurants, local produce trails and fresh (as in straight
township of Minnamurra in the north (the place name means
off the boat fresh) seafood available-your
"plenty of fish" in the local Aboriginal dialect) to Werri Beach in
unpack and stay in the Shoal haven. We decide to recharge and
tastebuds will want to
the south, and takes us right out to the cliff edges where we are
refuel at Cupitt's Winery (cupitt.com.au), tucked behind the quaint
convinced we can see whales breaching! After six kilometres of
village of Milton. At this boutique winery and restaurant we taste
cliff tops, ocean views, circling local birdlife, and helpful markers
award-winning wines, learn about the winemaking process, sam-
about the geology and history of the area, my partner's lnstagram
ple local produce, and take in the extraordinary views across the
account almost shuts down under the strain of the multitude of
vines to Burrill Lake and the Budawang ranges. Absolutely magic.
postcard-perfect shots on offer.
■
One to come back to for sure.
just a rental, we take our glistening Porsche along the
to Coast Sports Car (driveporsches.com.au). More than
In reality, we could have spent days exploring the wide variety
of local natural attractions that feature on this three-park walk.
76
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Then we peel ourselves away from one piece of heaven to
experience another. Here we are at Jervis Bay's spectacular white
sandy beaches; it is magnificent to soak up the true wonders of
this enchanting bay. This is truly heaven on earth. Whale and dolphin watch cruises are available from nearby Huskisson, while a
large choice of bushwalks can be found in and around Booderee
National Park. The White Sands Walk along the shores of Jervis
Bay is an enjoyable way to combine regular swims and panoramic
views of the bay, including a dip at famous Hyams Beach with its
crystal white sands.
Having always wanted to experience 'glamping' we arrive at
nearby Paperbark Camp (paperbarkcamp.com.au) to rest our hats
for the evening-a
world of camping for grown-ups. An incred-
ible, soulful experience, we indulge in the beauty and peace
of the cozy setup. Lucky enough to stay in the King Parrot tent
(can we categorically call this camping?), the sea breeze flows
through the canvas, bringing with it the scents of the surrounding
eucalypts. Want to see a kangaroo while you shower? You can
here! The open-air private ensuite is perfect for bird watching and
kangaroo spotting while you enjoy a steaming hot shower.
It seems we have to drag ourselves away early the next
morning, and it's high time for more adventure-we're
ready for a
whole new perspective on this amazing coastline from the air!
After arriving in the township of Moruya, we take off in a
Destination Wollongong, visitwollongong.com.au
Kiama Tourism, kiama.com.au
Shoalhaven Tourism, shoalhavenholidays.com.au
South Coast Seaplane (southcoastseaplanes.com.au) to explore
Montague Island, which has been classified by the National Trust
as a Landscape Conservation Area for its scenic, scientific and
historical values, and if you want to see the littlest penguins, you
Booderee National Park, parksaustralia.gov.au/booderee
will here! A picnic lunch is perfect to sit with these little guys and
Eurobodalla Tourism, eurobodalla.com.au
just be.
Australia's Oyster Coast, oystercoast.com.au
Sightseeing from the sky is thirsty work so we take advantage
of the fact it's the first Friday of the month. The River Moruya
restaurant (therivermoruya.com.au) hosts a local produce dinner
that day, which consists of four courses made up from only fresh
local ingredients.
We decide to throw caution to the wind and stay on another
day. Our final frontier is Australia's newest and most prestigious
food trail-Australia's Oyster Coast, which stretches for 300
kilometres between the Shoalhaven River and the New South
Wales-Victoria border. Home to eight of the most environmentally
sustainable oyster growing estuaries in the world, oysters farmers
here operate under internationally-recognised
environmental
management systems, ensuring pristine aquatic environments
for growing oysters to the highest levels of quality and taste. We
experience the oyster industry first hand by sampling genuine
Oyster Coast produce.
As we settle back into our car to drive north again, we fondly
recall the many pleasures of our few days, and we wonder how
we can transport just a little of Australia's perfect NSW South
Coast back home.
TURES/
TRAVEL
PINK PARADISE
Discovering Australia's lesbian tropical North.
It's entirely possible that an email
BY GEORGIA KROKUS
Frequenters of Sydney's lesbian
scene, which enjoyed its heyday of
boasting multiple-year Trip Advisor and
Travellers Choice awards, the sexy and
lipstick lesbian chic in the 1990s, will
remember Gigi & Andrea, a soignee,
vibrant property is as big a hit as On
the Other Side-and the perfect escape
"Tropical greetings with smiles and
butterflies." And why not? The idyllic,
leather-clad power couple and operators of upscale girls' night On the
from city 'scenes.' Laze around the pool,
enjoy the bar, the grill, and the beautiful
adults-only, pet-friendly resort, located
in Port Douglas, Queensland, is a
Other Side. Now enjoying their 23rd
year together, the pair embarked
gardens of coconut palms and native
flora, which attract many birds. Have
relaxed and happy place, welcoming
on a tropical sea change in the year
2000, and in 2009 took over The Pink
a relaxing and healing massage in the
privacy of your own villa then soak in
Flamingo. Considered one of the top
three best resorts in Port Douglas, and
your outdoor bath by candlelight.
(pinkflamingo.com.au)
from Gigi Legenhausen and Andrea
Groemminger, the proprietors of The
Pink Flamingo, will feature the sign-off
a mixed clientele with lesbians
accounting for approximately
50 percent of guests.
78
CURVE
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2015
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rdfnOOW
TLOOKtSTARS
Sexy Spring
Venus, Mars and Uranus move from pushy Aries into sexy Taurus.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Twilight series star Kristen Stewart
turns 25 on April 9.
PISCES~
(Feb 20-March 20) 1/✓
Pisces is a water sign
and can achieve success
in "liquid" professionslifeguard, oil worker, sailor
or fisherwoman. If fate
is kind, her career path
will enrich her psyche,
expand her dreams
and beautify the world.
Expect to see her in
creative professions such
as artist, writer, dancer
(Pisces rules feet) or as
a fisher of souls such as
seer or faith healer.
~
1/✓
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
~
~
1/✓
1/✓
ARIES~
(March 21-April 20) 1/✓
When a lambda Ram
loves you, she loves you
with her heart and soul.
With only a handful! of
lovergrrls throughout her
life she can remain loyal
as long as she doesn't
feel taken advantage
of. While flirtation may
manifest in the early
stages of a relationship,
as soon as she is
comfortable, she gets
down to business.
~
~
1/✓
~
1/✓
~
~
1/✓
Aries (March 21-April 20)
All eyes are upon you as you
command attention and boss
the course. You know what and
who you want and are not afraid
to go after them. This can be
very attractive to a certain type
of woman-if you can focus
attention on her long enough
to assess her preferences and
prepare your big move. First
impressions will be lasting
impressions, Aries.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
There is mystery and intrigue
surrounding your every move,
Taurus. Things can look at
once very rosy and then full
of intense emotional turmoil,
depending on the hour. You
float on clouds of love, lust and
longing. Can you use all the
smoke and mirrors to romance
the girl of your crazy dreams?
Or is it the crazy girl of your
dreams?
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Gal pals tend to get in on
your action now. This can be
a welcome move or one that
cramps your style. The best
thing to do is to be honest with
them because they mean well
and have your best interests at
heart. You don't need a buttinsky, Gemini, but you sure
could use a partner in crime.
Crime of the heart, that is.
~ Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Your professional goals get a
1/✓
~ boost as all of your hard work
begins to pay off. For those
~
who have burned the midnight
1/✓
~ oil to get a certain project
done, accolades are in your
1/✓ future. For those who have
~
Charlene
Lichtenstein
istheauthor~
mastered the political waters, a
of HerScopes:
A Guide
to Astrology~
key to the star chamber could
for Lesbians
(Simon
& Schuster),
~ be yours. Will it be lonely at
nowavailable
asanebook(tinyurl.1/✓ the top? Maybe you could
com/HerScopes).
~ occasionally try new positions.
80
CURVE
MAR/APR
2015
Leo (July 24-Aug 23)
Expand your horizons through
travel or higher education, Leo.
Take a last minute vacation, rest
and recharge. If you can't get
away, try to find amusements
closer to home but off the
beaten path. You have become
too insular, falling into a routine.
Get out of your comfort zone
and find an exotic lovergrrl who
can hum your drum.
Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)
It's time to let loose and have
a little fun, Sagittarius. You will
be given many opportunities to
go out and play. Crash the best
parties and toss a few basheroos
yourself. Tap into your creativity
and make a bold artistic
statement. See what kind of
mischief you can get into. Miss
Chief might even like to have
you around more often.
Virgo (Aug 24-Sept 23)
It may still technically be cool
weather but now you are
hot, hot, hot, Virgo! There is
something very alluring about
you now. You look great and
instinctively know how to show
it off. How did this happen?
Why ask why? You have a magic
potion of passion. Bottle it
up and pour it out in sensible
portions. You attract ladies like
flies. Or is it fly girls?
Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)
Home is where your heart is
... at least that is the plan now,
Capricorn. Find time to cocoon
with a special you-knowwho and totally enjoy your
surroundings. And if you are
in the mood to spruce things
up, find some expert help in
remodeling or renovating. Is
there a jungle pattern in your
future? Only if you include
some felines in your plans.
Libra(Sept24-Oct23)
Do you have a special someone
to share your life, Libra? If so
spoil her all through March
and April and let her know
how special she is to you. You
have the opportunity to make
something good even better,
warmer and closer. If you are
looking for Ms. Right, this is the
time to get out and graze in
new pastures.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)
You have some brash and
earth-shaking ideas waiting
to be unleashed. So don't be
shy, Aqueerius. Muster up
your confidence, get your
notes together and find the
right audience to deliver your
message. It could have global
impact and change the course
of your personal landscape.
Massage your message, or
maybe just massage?
Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)
Scorpios might find that they
are spending more time around
the office now. There is certainly
a lot of work that needs to get
done. You can be very strategic,
organized, and industrious if you
set your mind to it. Or you can
peruse the office pool to see if
you want to dive in and get a
little bit wet after hours. But are
you really working hard, or hardly
working?
Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)
Turn your attention to your
financial wellbeing now. You
need to start planning for a
cushy retirement. Find the
right adviser, do some fiscal
homework and start feathering
your nest for your lovebird.
Or find a well-endowed
benefactress to help fluff your
pillow. Or stuff your pillow.
Whatever works for you,
Guppie.
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