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Description
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ToC Best Beach Reads (p33); The Takarazuka Revue (p36); Introducing Charlotte Glasser (p40); Blissed Out Brides (p43); What Makes a Family (p52); Power Pop Tegan & Sara (p63); West Coast Odyssey (p70); The Suite Life (p74).
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issue
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4
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Date Issued
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Jul-Aug 2016
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Format
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PDF/A
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Publisher
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Frances Stevens
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Identifier
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Curve_Vol26_No4_July-August-2016_OCR_PDFa.pdf
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extracted text
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mugs & kisses
Come in-store to get your free stuff and
start your married life together.
the wedding CQ;
t
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• 1~STES
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this perk brought t
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come get your free stzifftoday!
Bring this ad into your local store to get your free stuff*
and the undivided attention of an expert registry consultant.
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JUL/AUG
2016
FEATURES
33
BEST BEACH READS
Page turners from lesbian
authors that will have you
enthralled, poolside.
36
THE TAKARAZUKA REVUE
All the way from Japan, the
legendary, all-girl troupe
dazzles New York City.
~o
INTRODUCING
CHARLOTTE GLASSER
The boi about town on her
favorite duds, and how to pop
the question to the girl of your
dreams.
~3
BLISSED OUT BRIDES
A selection of our favorite
wedding styles and locations.
52
WHAT MAKES A FAMILY?
Meet the queerly committed
moms, kids, and more who are
redefining the tribe.
70
WEST COAST ODYSSEY
The pick of cities on the coast
of California, with a desert
sojourn or two, too
,~
THE SUITE LIFE
We select some of the most
romantic, lesbian-friendly
resort rooms around the world.
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
1
JUL/AUG
2016
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IN EVERYISSUE
4
EDITOR'S NOTE
6
CURVETTES
8
FEEDBACK
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 OUT IN FRONT
Meet the community leaders
who are doing us proud. By
Sheryl Kay
24 MUSIC
Allison Miller is a jazz maestro
and drummer with a band that
simply kills. Get her on your
playlist, pronto. By Merryn
Johns
11 IN CASE YOU MISSED
IT ...
LGBT news from across the
country. By Sassafras Lowrey
12 LES LOOKS LIKE
Each issue we pick a lucky lez
with a look and a life to match.
13 LESBOFILE
What's new and noteworthy
with our favorite celesbians.
By Jocelyn Voo
VIEWS
16 POLITICS
Deep thoughts and heartfelt
convictions on a different topic
each issue from our contributing politics editor. By Victoria
A. Brownworth
20 ADVICE
Experts with insider info on all
manner of problems, from love
to money to health.
22 ISSUES
Our in-depth look into a hot
button topic affecting queer
women.
2
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
26 FILMS
One of our favorite movies this
summer is the French lesbianfeminist flick Summertime. By
Allie Esslinger
28 SEX
Two books, one an anthology
of erotica, the other a manual
on masturbation, are guaranteed to turn up the heat this
summer. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
30 BOOKS
Jewelle Gomez reinvents the
vampire novel and gives it a
lesbian-feminist message. By
Victoria Bond
LAST LOOK
78 CROSSWORD
Can you tame our Queer Quiz?
By Myles Mellor
DO
I,
I
'-'
';1#
~r
'
'
~·
YOUCANHELPTHEM
DONATENOW
IFAW.ORG/CURVE
QIFAW
International Fund for Animal Welfare
Love Not Hate
I write this, I am reeling from the news of the massacre in
Orlando's Pulse nightclub. So many of us, gay or straight,
ave a connection to "The City Beautiful;' whether for
its vibrant and pioneering LGBT community, or its dedication to
uniting and entertaining families.
This issue of Curve is our Love issue, and it was planned-long
before this terrible occurrence-as a post-marriage-equality tribute
to couples and families. The day after the tragedy, I was scheduled
to speak with Mary Bonauto, one of the architects of the marriage
equality movement. Along with Evan Wolfson and others, she is
featured in a new documentary, The Freedom to Marry (2016).
Bonauto was the force behind the legal arguments that won us the
right to have civil unions in Vermont and marriage in Massachusetts.
She went on to support Roberta Kaplan in the Edie Windsor case,
which definitively delivered us marriage equality.
Before any of us had heard of Edie, however, Bonauto was there,
chipping away, state by state. Massachusetts in 2004, California
and Connecticut in 2008, much of New England by 2009 ... It
was all part of a plan. The winning play was taking on the federal
government, which was "telling people who were already
married, 'You're not married: We knew we could win that," says
Bonauto. "It was just such a singular disrespect:'
So is mowing down 49 people with an assault rifle. For the last
few months, we've had to endure the hateful campaign rhetoric
of Republican candidates, not to mention the 200 anti-LGBT bills
that have formed a perfect storm of intolerance in this country.
"There are people who do not like gay people," says Bonauto.
"And then there are people who are ideologically committed
to not liking gay people, or they're committed to a concept of
gender that does not encompass the worldview that we can be
accepting of who LGBTpeople are."
Like many Republican conservatives, Omar Mateen saw
homosexuality as an abuse of gender. That perception filled him
with vitriolic hatred, a hatred that continues to threaten and to
destroy LGBTlives.
"I never expected that marriage would heal all wounds,
would create all understandings;' says Bonauto. While marriage
equality did change a lot of hearts and minds, she says, "I don't
want anyone thinking that because we have marriage all our
problems have gone away."
After the tragedy on June 12,it's clear they haven't. Many of our
governing officials are still sending out messages of exclusion
and discrimination.
Let's not rest on our laurels.Watch The Freedom to Marry. Meet
the people who insisted that our love has value, and demanded
that our government recognize it. Hope that the next generation of
activists can do what's left to be done.
"Take a hard look at the entire life cycle of LGBTQ people;'
says Bonauto. "Where are we being denied protection, freedom,
opportunities? Where is it still assumed that we are going to be
treated differently than everyone else because we're LGBTQ?"
Now that we've won the right to love, it's time to addressthe hate.
4'/y
MERRYNJOHNS
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
't#@Merryn1
RONT /
cu RVETTES
ALLIE ESSLINGER
Allie is a Southern transplant living in Brooklyn. She
began working in entertainment as a joke writer during
grad school and freelanced for various magazines
and biogs while transitioning into film. Through her
company Olive Juice Films, she has worked as a
development producer and distributor for independent
television and film projects. In 2013, she founded
Section 11,a streaming network for LBTQ films and
series. Allie loves television, big sunglasses, iced
coffee, and the Crimson Tide.
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
JUL/JAUG
2016
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
» VOLUME
26 NUMBER
4
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDING PUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Merryn Johns
SENIORCOPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Melanie Barker, Marcie Bianco,
Victoria A. Brownworth, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Anita
Dolce Vita, Sheryl Kay, Gillian Kendall, Dave Steinfeld,
Jocelyn Voo
EDITORIALASSISTANTSAnnalese Davis
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
AMY B. SCHER
Amy is a leading voice in the field of mind-body healing and
the author of How To Heal Yourself When No One Else Can.
She has been featured on healthcare biogs, CNN, Elephant
Journal, OM Times, and the San Francisco Book Review. Amy
was named one of Advocate's "40 Under 40" for 2013. She
has presented to the Department of Psychiatry at Stanford
University and teaches nationwide. Most importantly, Amy
lives by her motto: "When life kicks your ass, kick back." She
lives in Los Angeles with her wonderful wife and sometimesadorable cat. (amybscher.com)
PROOFING
PROOFREADER lndre McGinn
ADVERTISING
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Bruno Cesar Guimaraes
SOCIAL MEDIA
MANAGERAnnalese Davis
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Jenny Block, Kelsy Chauvin, Mallorie
DeRiggi, Dar Dowling, Jill Goldstein, Kristin Flickinger,
Kim Hoffman, Francesca Lewis, Charlene Lichtenstein,
Sassafras Lowrey, Kelly McCartney, Myles Mellor, Laurie
K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson,
Rosanna Rios-Spicer, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah Toce
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Steph Brusig, Erica Camille, Grace Chu, Meagan Cignoli,
Sara Lautman, Syd London, Maggie Parker, Diana Price, B.
Proud, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten
SARAH TOSHIKO HASU
Photo credit: Kristi Badger
Sarah is the author of Megume and the Trees, shortlisted
for a 2012 Lambda Literary Award in Lesbian Debut
Fiction. Her novels Whitest Snow (2017) and Sophia and
Alessandra (2018) are forthcoming from Megami Press,
which she founded in 2010. Her favorite painting is Zhu
Jinshi's The Third Time Going to the Yellow Mountain,
and she cannot live without Anne Carson's If Not, Winter:
Fragments of Sappho. She lives in Arizona with her dogs,
Daphne and Dylan.
ERICACAMILLE
Erica is a photographer based between New York City and
Thailand. She has shot over 100 weddings all around the
world and treats each with respect and care, individually
hand editing each phototo give the images a richness, depth
and texture like painting. Her work has been featured in
print and online in the New York Daily News, Huffington Post,
Refinery 29, Buzzfeed, NY Wedding Pride Guide, the cover
of GO magazine's 100 Women We Love issue and dozens of
popular wedding biogs. (ericacamilleproductions.com)
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE (415) 871-0569
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070
(toll-free in usonly)
ADVERTISINGEMAIL todd@curvemagazine.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 26 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 6 times
per year (January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August,
September/October, November/December) by Avalon Media, LLC,
PO Box 467, New York NY 10034. Subscription price: $35/year, $45
Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $55 international (U.S. funds only).
Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing
offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not
be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or
photograph of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising
or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual
orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated.
Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and
artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be
returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included.
No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages. The contents
do not necessarily represent the opinions of the editor, unless
specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription
Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC., PO Box 467 New
York NY 10034, email jeannie@curvemag.com Canadian Agreement
Number: 40793029. Postmaster: Send address changes to jeannie@
curvemag.com, Curve, PO Box 17138,N. Hollywood, CA 91615-7138.
Printed in the U.S.
curvemag.com
6
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
~1BEST
:::::.~
PLACES TO WORK
ws for LGBT Equality
RONT /
FEEDBACK
cu1ve
"','
ISSUE
CAL.LING
1
HUNT~fl~
V~4··A
••
1
~::
Ill
THE
SHOTS
' '
\
·~· t,
'J()u~1i,
10,,~s
OU!
AND
PROl:O
SISTERS
INLAW
SI/I'
ALWAYS MY VALENTINE
As someone who was first
introduced to Hunter Valentine
through them appearing on
The Real L Word, it is always
good to see them in Curve ["A
Piece of Their Hearts," V.26#3].
I've had the pleasure of seeing
them play live many times,
met them and even hung out
with them. As much as it is
bittersweet they are going on
hiatus, they have provided me
with a lot of musical memories
and I wish them all the best in
their future endeavors.
-Anna Girdwood, via email
KEEP IT COMING
What a fabulous issue of
Curve. And so much diversity!
I especially loved the travel
article on the Florida Keys
["Keys to Paradise,"V.26#3],
which is where I newly live. My
family enjoyed reading it and
it's inspired them to come visit
me for Thanksgiving.
-Nancy Reilly, Marathon FL.
was recently diagnosed and I
am feeling kind of swamped
and at a loss as to what to do.
Is there any support out there
for those who are doing the
supporting? I trust our doctor
but I would like to be better
informed. Peace.
Awareness section in our fall
-Name withheld
Health Issue.
Editor's Note: Yes indeed.
Please see our Breast Cancer
YOU SAID IT: BESTFACEBOOKCOMMENTS
REJOICING IN JOLANDA
Cool cover story in Curve
["Raising the Bar;' V.26#3]. Very
powerful reading. It made me
feel thankful for the privileges
that I have, but also thankful
that someone like Jones has
the courage to step up,
know who she is, and fight
for our community.
-Kelly Robinson,
Washington D.C.
BREAST CANCER
INFORMATION NEEDED
I would love to see some
health related articles or advice
on breast cancer specifically
related to lesbians. My wife
Hillary Clinton wins the
Same-sex moms cut from
Democratic nomination:
Apple Mother's Day ad: "An
"I am thrilled she won!
I am not a woman who
doesn't like other women.
I love women. I trust
women. Women can do
any job that men can
do. Period. I'm tired of a
tiny portion of ridiculous
women who desire to
hold BETTERwomen back
simply because they are
brainwashed by some
ridiculous men.
Snap out of it already!"
interracial same sex couple
with biracial children. This
seems like a beautiful family
to me:' - Nicole Renee
- Demi Nguyen
Simpson
Pulse nightclub tragedy: "I
want to say to the parents
of these dead gay men and
lesbians that their pride in
their children was probably
one of the most important
things in their children's
lives. I am so sorry for their
loss." - Maddy Gold
·.·.::::::
·.·.·.·.:::::·.·.·.·.·.-.:
·.·.·.·.·.·.........
·.·.·.·...............
·................................................................................................................
r·
WHAT
DOES
LESBIAN
FAMILY
LOOK
LIKE
TOYOU?
8%
l'M RAISING A CHILD ON MY OWN, SO IT'S JUST US
35%
IT'S ME AND MY WIFE/GIRLFRIEND
40%
IT'S ME, MY WIFE/GIRLFRIEND, AND OUR KIDS
5% IT'S ME, MY WIFE/GIRLFRIEND,
AND OUR FURKIDS
12% ME AND MY QUEER POSSE, CHOSEN
FAMILY
Send to:
WRITE
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
US!Email: letters@curvemagazine.com
8
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/magazine
subscribe
renew
pay your bill
get missing issues
change address
give a gift
11OUT IN FRONT
13
CELESBIANGOSSIP
14
SHE SAID,SHE SAID
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
9
TRENDS/
p
THE GAYDAR
THEGAYDAR
Takes one to know one? Let our gaydar help
you decide who's hot, who's not, who's
shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
BY MELANIE
BARKER
President Obama names the
home of lesbian-separatist
collective the Furies, in
Washington D.C.,the nation's
first lesbian landmark
Pepperidge Farm consistently
scores a 100 on HRC'sCorporate
Equality Index and gives us rainbow
goldfish this Pride #ForAIIFamilies
The systemic racism of
the U.S. Justice System:
Lesbian Black Lives Matter
activist Jasmine Richards
will serve 72 days in jail for
"felony lynching"
'
b
Apple removes
a biracial lesbian
couple from its
international
ads forof all thingsMother's Day
"'"~'1RA\.~-
ELLE
celebrates
SNL's Kate
McKinnon
on the July
2016 cover in
to promote
Ghostbusters
(-!') (fi?i_i~)
Deborah S. Esquenazi storms
the film festival circuit with
Southwest of Salem: The Story
of the San Antonio Four, about
the wrongful incarceration of
four Latina lesbians
CURVE
James Franco
is remaking
Mother, May
I Sleep with
Danger? as
a lesbian
vampire flick
for Lifetime
Now you
can create
a female
character who
looks like Ellen
DeGeneres
in the new
Sims4
Actor-director Clea Duvall
plays a lesbian secret
service agent dating
President Selina Meyer's
daughter in VEEP
10
Game of Thrones'
Sophie Turner tells
EW she'd love to see
Sansa Stark shack
up with Queen
Margaery Tyrell
JUL/AUG
2016
Finding Nemo follow-up, Finding Dory,
will possibly feature first lesbian couple
to ever appear in a Disney-Pixar film
South Korean boxoffice smash The
Handmaiden, adapted
from Sarah Waters'
Fingersmith, will arrive
in theaters stateside
later this year
VIEWS/NE
LAILANUR
>>North Carolina
Activist/Musician
She doesn't always choose the easy road, but Laila
Nur wouldn't have it any other way. Focused on making a
difference, the activist/musician uses her guitar, her lyrics,
and her intense spirit each and every day.
"When I knock on doors in my neighborhood to talk to
people about police violence or the fight for fair pay, I am
fighting for our lives;' she says. "When I march with black
and brown kids, moms and brothers, down to the jail to
protest poor treatment, or when we march to McDonald's
headquarters to protest low wages and poor employment
lAMBDA
LEGAL
FILED
ALAWSUIT
INCALIFORNIA
Superior Court against a Southern California barbershop for
denying service to a customer. The barbershop allegedly
denied Kendall Oliver a haircut, claiming to have rel1g1ous
obJect1onsto serving "female" customers. Oliver, who 1dent1f1es
as transgender and uses the pronouns they/them, arrived at
the barbershop 1nRancho Cucamonga, and said they wanted a
"man's haircut," but were still denied service "You don't expect
your barber to police your gender," Oliver said
practices, it's not because it's the most fun thing to do,
or even out of duty. It's because I believe that if we don't
march forward in an ever-changing world, we will continue to move backward:'
Over the past several years, Nur has lent her talents to a
host of causes, from volunteering with the October 22nd
Coalition to Stop Police Brutality and the North Carolina
League of Conservation Voters, to supporting the Fight
for $15 campaign to raise the minimum wage.
Nur says the LGBTcommunity is still facing major hurdles, especially for people of color who experience racist
policing, gentrification, higher suicide rates, and unfair
housing and employment practices. Other major battles
are being fought by transgender people thanks to HB2.
"Winning some straight privileges doesn't set the poor
free;' says Nur. "For some, not being able to marry was
their only oppression, and so they made it. For everyone
else, it was barely their problem:'
Addressing and confronting internalized racial bias
as well as systemic racism should be part of the LGBT
conversation, Nur says. Community members need to
consider why so many LGBTorganizations are predominantly white and why people of color have to create
their own Pride festivals to be heard, as much as to feel
loved or included. She also points out that gentrification
is often fueled by well-to-do gays and lesbians with little
consideration for the poor who are being marginalized
and moved out.
"Community organizing is an art form, just like my
music;' says Nur. "It is pulling diverse groups of people
together around a common purpose-healing
tion:' By Sheryl Kay
and libera-
• ALESBIAN
COUPLE
WAS
crowned prom king and prom queen
at Leon High School in Tallahassee,
Fla., the first time an LGBTcouple
has received this honor at the
school. Lindsey Creel and Brie
Grimes, high school seniors who
have been dating for three years,
explained that for them winning
wasn't about titles but about helping
to raise awareness about LGBTQ
issues in their community. "I hope
that people will look at this and more
will begin to think that it's OK to be
supportive of the LBTQ community ...
Leon often talks about change ...
This is a good example for younger
students there;' says Creel.
• LESBIAN
GORILLAS
ABOUND
IN
Rwanda! Researchers from the
University of Western Australia
observed female gorillas in Rwanda
to "shed light on the evolutionary
origins of homosexuality." The
scientists noted 44 instances of
same-sex contact between female
gorillas, documenting lesbian sex
among gorillas for the first time. It
appears that lesbian sex is a normal
component of mountain gorilla life.
• THE
LESBIAN
COUPLE
WHO
WERE
arrested for kissing in Hawaii has
received a settlement. They say
that the experience has destroyed
their lives and their relationship.
Courtney Wilson and Taylor
Guerrero endured what they call
a "nightmare" for six months after
they were arrested and charged
with assault of an officer after he
asked them to stop kissing in the
grocery store, and a scuffle broke
out. Because of the felony charges
against them, Guerrero and Wilson
weren't allowed to leave Hawaii,
where they'd been on vacation,
or return home to California. They
became homeless, living in shelters
and in parks. Criminal charges were
eventually dropped, and the couple
broke up. The women received an
$80,000 settlement from the city
of Honolulu and $10,000 from the
store.
• LESBIAN
HASHTAGS
ARE
NOW
banned on lnstagram in an attempt
to stop the spread of pornography
on the app. lnstagram has banned
the use of certain LGBT identity
hashtags, particularly #lesbian and
#bi; however, #queer, #gay, #LGBTQ,
and #transgender are allowed. A
new study by the UK's Government
Department of Culture, Media, and
Sport, which is exploring sexual
orientation and social media habits,
found that LGBT people were more
than twice as likely to use social
media as were straight people.
By SassafrasLowrey
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
11
NOS/GOSSIP
LESBOFILE
CELEBRITY SPATS, SPLITS, AND A SPLASH OF MEDIEVAL FANTASY SEX.
BY JOCELYN VOO
• TRIANGLES, AND NOT THE GOOD KIND
When Johnny Depp split from girlfriend of 14 years and mother of his two children, and put a ring
on it with The Rum Diaries co-star Amber Heard after 9 months of dating, it created a tabloid
frenzy. Fast forward 15 months, and Heard has filed for divorce from Depp amid allegations of
abuse. There have also been reports of infidelity-namely, that Heard had been getting frisky
with supermodel Cara Delevingne. A source told The Sun, "They used to party together a lot
and made no attempt to hide the fact that they were quite flirty:' This reportedly made Depp
furious. Heard is bisexual and considered herself married to former girlfriend Tasya Van Ree,
legally changing her name to Amber Van Ree. But Depp was allegedly not having it. "On one
occasion he even screamed at her, 'You're making a fool of me,'" the source told The Sun.
Ruby Rose got into a spat at a New Orleans restaurant which ended in her throwing French fries
at the bartender and getting thrown out. Rose has told her version of the story: the bartender
apologized for slow service by offering a round of free drinks. When Rose explained that she
was sober, the situation escalated with the bartender making "rude and derogatory comments"
mocking sobriety, and Rose responding by flicking a fry at him. More derogatory jokes ensued,
as did more French fry-throwing. "I am deeply regretful to the French fry and I am regretful that I
reacted at all," Rose said. "Maybe next time I won't throw fries, then again, maybe next time that
bartender won't tell someone who is sober to 'go call your f**king sponsor!'"
• FROM STEPHANIE TO STELLA
Let's call it the new trading spaces? According to Us Weekly, after a few weeks of dating,
Kristen Stewart and girlfriend Stephanie "SoKo" Sokolinsky have split. But wait! What
caused the rift, especially when they seemed so in love (Soko, after all, had just given an
interview to W magazine detailing how she was "very, very, very in love and very happy
in a relationship")? Well, turns out Stewart was seen out and about with Miley Cyrus's ex
Stella Maxwell at the Met Gala afterparty in NYC in May. Although sources claim that the
two are merely friends and run in the same social circles, we can't help but wish the story
was just a bit juicier ...
• GAY OF THRONES?
It was only a matter of time, right? While Game of Thrones has given us some girl-on-girl
action in the past, it appears that they have now given us a lesbian character for Season
6. In the inaugural episode, lronborn warrior Yara Greyjoy is shown kissing a scantily
clad woman who straddles her bawdily, later noting, "Nothing on the Iron Islands has an
ass like that." This is a deviation from the novels, but dare we say a good one? Excuse us
while we take a moment to set our DVRs.
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
13
TRENDS/SHE
SAID
"The
fact that it was
an all female crew drew
me to it. It is different from Blue
is the Warmest Color, which was shot
by a man and is really masculine and
pornographic in my eyes. This is graphic, you
see everything, but it's more romantic in a
way. I was fine with it until it happened and
then I saw the bed and all of the cameras ... I
fucking freaked out a little bit"'
Erika Linder to V magazine about
her new movie Below Her
Mouth
..:.I
day of our wedding
when I got to get married,
I wasn't distracted by hating my
clothes, or feeling like I looked weird or
bad or short or swallowed whole, which is
what I usually felt like I looked like. I got to be
me ... And I also thought, I have to do this for
other people ... I can't keep this to myself, it's
too good. So I wanted to start a company that
allowed this to happen for people."
Mary Going on why she started
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20OPENING YOURSELFTO LOVE
16 LESBIANFAMILIESARE POLITICAL
22
curve
FIGHTING CANCER
WITH CARE
POLITICS
ISSUES
ADVICE
»
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
15
The Struggle
for Lesbian
Family
POLITICS»
What constitutes lesbian family is a complicated question.
Some years before she died, the iconic
lesbian editor and publisher Barbara Grier
said to me, "I'm old enough to remember
when being a lesbian meant you weren't
obligated to have children:' Grier was
talking about the so-called lesbian baby
boom, but the issue of lesbians and
children and how we make our families has
always been strained for us. For her part,
Grier had a decades-long partnership with
Donna McBride. Her babies were Naiad
Pressand a huge historic archive of lesbian
literature.
Many of us have eschewed having
children. But not all of us have done so
willingly. The yearning for family-our own
lesbian families-has been intense for
many of us.
Now middle-aged and perimenopausal, I
often question my own childlessness. Years
ago, I gave birth to a stillborn child. It was
an experience that changed my life, and
one that I have only recently spoken and
written about. The loss still feels deeply raw
and shockingly fresh, like a wound that will
never fully heal.
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2016
ev v1cToR1A A. eRowNwoRTH
After that, a former partner and I raised
a foster child for several years and planned
to formally adopt her, against the advice
of friends and family who warned us that
her birth family would lure her back. They
were right. After she graduated from high
school, she returned to her birth family, and
they demanded that she not see us. My ex
and I were emotionally wrecked by the loss
and never pursued parenthood after that.
We never discussed it from then until we
broke up several years later. Our lives with
and without her were starkly different. It
was hard not to think about all the things
we had done with her, and for her.
When I started a relationship with the
woman who would eventually become
my wife, we had a brief discussion about
children, but she was adamant about not
wanting any. And as to my own biological
clock, I was just about out of time for an
easy, healthy pregnancy-from our late 30s
the risks increase and conception becomes
more difficult.
I had always expected to have a large
family. My family of origin is small. Both my
parents were only children and I have only
one surviving sibling. All my grandparents
have been dead since the early '80s. My
mother died relatively young and has been
dead for 13 years, while my father passed
five years ago. But these deaths don't tell
the whole story, because lesbian family so
often comes to mean something radically
different for us than it does for our straight
peers.
Like many LGBTpeople, I was estranged
from my family for years because of
my lesbianism. And while we finally
reconnected after 20 years, we never
healed, another commonality with a
plethora of LGBT people. Twenty years is a
lifetime. It could have been spent in anger
and bitterness over my biological family.
Instead, over that lifetime, I built my lesbian
family.
I have a core group of lesbian friends,
including my best friend since I was 17.For
years, my house was the one where the
leftover lesbians with no biological family
came for holidays-big
Thanksgivings,
Easters, Christmases. A party for Memorial
Day and the Fourth of July. New Year's Eve
and Halloween were a blast. These were
occasions not to mourn what we didn't
have, but to embrace one another and
what we had together as lesbian family:
love, closeness, joy. I insulated my friends
and myself against rejection by creating
a different space for them to feel that
powerful draw of "home:' My maternal
side embraced those who were on the
margins, and they were happy to receive
the "mothering" their own families refused
to give simply because they were lesbians.
Within our circle, a few friends had
children. As they did, they drifted from the
core group. Having children doesn't come
easy for lesbians. And it doesn't always
work.
One couple tried for several years to
get pregnant. The cost-emotional
and
financial-was astronomical. It strained
our connection and their relationship. But
eventually things settled, and their little
girl became part of our extended lesbian
family.
Things didn't settle for another couple.
They split up, and when they did, the birth
mother decided she wanted her now expartner out of their child's life. Mutually
agreed shared custody ended. The case
dragged through the courts for years,
becoming one of the major lesbian custody
cases in the news, the mothers' names
reduced by law to initials. We were forced
to take sides, and in taking sides became
the enemies of our other friend, who had,
so obviously, stolen the child from her
other mother.
My friends' conflict over their child
went on for a decade. The only difference
between theirs and others I covered for
Curve and other publications is that I knew
them and had known them for years.
We discovered-my lesbian family and
the lesbian community-that
the lesbian
families we had fought so hard to build
had problems similar to those of straight
families. Except while straight families have
remedies in the courts, lesbian families
still struggle just to be recognized. When
straight people break up, it can often be
terrible, but the courts are attuned to the
concept of sharing custody and assets
between married men and women.
It's different for lesbians. Adopting one's
own child isn't even legal in every state, and
the non-biological mother can find herself
locked out of the system entirely-a legal
stranger to a child she has nurtured since
birth.
Case after case has come before the
courts. Some have made news, like the
Alabama case that reached the U.S.
Supreme Court in March: In V.L. v. E.L. the
SCOTUS found in favor of the non-birth
mother. Shared custody of the couple's
three children was ordered.
Other lesbian mothers have not been
so fortunate. In case after case, municipal,
family, and appellate courts have found in
favor of the birth mother and ignored the
status of the non-birth mother.
For years, lesbians have faced custody
battles-first with their husbands after
they came out (as is highlighted in the film
Caro0, now in lesbian relationships.
Over 20 years ago, I reported on the
case of Sharon Bottoms. Bottoms was
raising her son with her partner April Wade
when Sharon's mother sued for custody
of her grandson, citing her daughter's socalled unnatural lifestyle.
At the time, the Virginia trial judge
awarded custody to the grandmother,
saying, "I will tell you first that the mother's
conduct is illegal. It is a Class 6 felony in the
Commonwealth of Virginia. I will tell you
that it is the opinion of this Court that her
conduct is immoral. And it is the opinion
of this Court that the conduct of Sharon
Bottoms renders her an unfit parent:'
That lesbians continue to lose their
children simply because they are lesbians
is an issue we have failed to address. The
focus on marriage equality as a cure-all
for discrimination has ignored the reality
many lesbians face daily simply in pursuit
of family.
How we choose to make families is
rarely addressed in any formal way. In
the year since marriage equality became
legal across the country, these issues have
continued to remain hidden. But as more
and more lesbians marry and many decide
to build families with children, questions
will continue to arise as to what constitutes
a lesbian family. And unlike the gatherings
in my little house over the years, those
questions can't simply be answered by
love, closeness, and joy.
We will need another round of laws
to protect us, our partners, and our kids.
When and how that will happen is still a
question without an answer.•
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Unlock Your lleart
Can't find a mate? Maybe you're not open to love. Here's how to invite love into your life.
BY AMY B. SCHER
As an L.A.-based energy therapist,
I've worked with clients all over the
world to release old emotional baggage
that is holding them back, and I've seen
firsthand that relationship baggage can
be some of the heaviest. Through this
work, I've found that our beliefs about
love-how we should find it, how we
know who is "right" to be in it with, how
we should function when we do discover
it-can be so limited. Being open to love
and all that comes with it often takes a
shift in our thinking.
While many of us see coming out as the
biggest hurdle in our quest for a loving
20
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2016
partnership, being open to the love that
is waiting for us is just as important.
The first step is to look at which
perceptions and ideas of love are not
working for us. We usually pick up our
beliefs, even those about love, from
our parents or other influential adults.
Even if those beliefs worked for an older
generation, they may not serve us in our
own lives. It's essential that we look at how
we think about love and ask ourselves
whose thoughts and emotions they really
are. If they are not ours, and they are not
healthy for us, it's time to transform them.
The next step? Being willing to let go
of all that old stuff we've been carrying
around. It's not always easy, but in the
end, it's totally and completely worth
doing. Here are my three rules for
opening up to the greatest love, and
my one transformational technique for
making that easier.
DITCH PAST EXPECTATIONS,
REQUIREMENTS AND AGENDAS
Don't focus on what you thought you
were looking for, or who you thought
you'd marry, because it might just keep
you from seeing the awesomeness of
what's right in front of you. Have you been
dreaming of a dark-haired, blue-eyed
bride to rescue you from an unhappy
family situation since you were 15 years
old? Are you still 15? Do you even like dark
hair anymore? Is finding love as a way to
be rescued still the best idea?
While letting go of old requirements
and agendas, focus on what would make
you feel wonderful in a relationship right
now. If you're happily hitched, focus on
what your partner does that shows you
she loves you, and stop focusing on what
your partner is doing that doesn't meet
the ideals of your 15-year-old self. Don't
punish yourself or your loved one for not
meeting those outdated requirements.
A healthy relationship does not consist
of any specific character traits of the two
partners-it's an energy, a feeling. When
you have it, you'll know. If you're not sure,
you're not there yet.
to be all about you. In that instant, you'll
create the ability to love yourself and your
partner more than you ever could before.
Finally, we must be able to sit through
difficult emotions in order to be the most
openhearted, loving people we can be.
While that's not always easy, I have a trick
that will help.
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TRY THIS TECHNIQUE TO RELEASE
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personal growth and connection with
others. The healthiest thing we can do
with uncomfortable emotions about who
we are, how we feel about that, or what
others think about us is to move through
them.
Someone Special
Is Waiting ForYou
START WITH THE GLAND NEAR YOUR HEART
LET PEOPLE LOVE YOU THEIR WAY
People don't always love you in the
way you want them to. They love you the
way they know. You don't always get to
choose. Of course, no one should remain
in an abusive or toxic relationship, but if
that's not what you're dealing with, it will
only benefit you to put a little "give" in the
way you demand to be loved.
We all have different abilities and
capacities, and carry our own emotional
baggage, which can get in the way. We
spend our lives trying to muddle through
that and still love and be loved in the best
ways we know how. The more you come
to peaceful terms with allowing others to
love you their way, the more awesome
your love life will be.
STOP BELIEVING THE WORLD REVOLVES
AROUND YOU
When we take things personally,
whether we're getting to know someone
new or during a long-term commitment,
we put a strain on our relationships. Every
time your partner is upset, it's not because
you suck. It's most likely because they
think they suck in some way (remember,
they believe the world revolves around
them, too). We all like to think we're the
center of another person's universe, but
it doesn't help anyone when we hold on
to that belief. How can we be supportive
to another person when it's all about us?
Stop for a minute, when you get angry,
defensive, or agitated, and decide to
make a choice: that you won't allow this
The thymus gland is the master gland
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and is affected by emotional stress. The
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The next time
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breathe deeply. Aim for about an inch
below the notch in your neck, where the
knot of a tie would be, and tap on that
general area with three or four fingers.
The percussive effect of the tapping will
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your body. Don't worry about tapping on
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will create a powerful clearing and
calming effect. You can tap for several
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Once you're free of all those things,
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Animal !Uagnetism
A filmmaker with terminal cancer is saving lives.
BY VICTORIA
A. BROWNWORTH
"You know the drill," J.D.DiSalvatore says
to me about a day spent at the hospital.
"Petscan. More chemo. Dying. Yada, yada,
yada."
Her boldness in talking about the Stage
IV cancer that may kill her-though she
seems indomitable-is emblematic of who
DiSalvatore is. Lesbian film buffs know her
from "the longest kiss in lesbian film history"
in Elena Undone. Other moviegoers and
Netflixers know her from blockbusters like
Armageddon (where she oversaw a $7
million budget) and The X-Files.She's done
everything from executive producing to
"blowing things up" in special effects.
Now DiSalvatore is saving lives; the lives
of dogs. She's working on a documentary,
How to Save a Dog, and watching her
love for the animals that are hardest to
place from shelters is something to see.
The documentary is a culmination of
volunteering for six years at the animal
shelter.
"I don't think it'll be my final project
because I'm convinced I'll be miraculously
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2016
cured of cancer;' she says.
Her naturally sardonic wit comes
through as she adds, knowing that I run a
cat shelter, "I'm just trying to piss off the cat
people, because you can't imagine what a
pack of angry cat ladies coming at you is
like!"
"I work a ton with cats, actually, as well
as rabbits, turtles, rats and chickens. I'm
probably the only one that pays attention
to the chickens at the shelter:'
You want to hug her for loving the
chickens. You also want to hug her for
being out in Hollywood.
"I often stayed in the closet at work
because it was so trendy and hip to be a
lesbian," DiSalvatore says. "When I came
out to the Effects Producer on Dante's
Peak, for example, I was suddenly invited
to the private sanction of his office after
wrap. You've seen this before, you know,
where there is cognac and illegal Cuban
cigars and man talk. And other times I
was suddenly invited to strip joints-of all
things! Bosses even asked me for tips on
good oral sex:'
"Then I was Festival Manager at Outfest,
then I made gay films. Then suddenly,
Focus on the Family started raising money
based on hating us, all the anti marriage
props [like Prop 22 in CA] came out, and
then there were problems for being gay.
Seriously. You know some vendors wouldn't
rent to us in Los Angeles when we were
shooting Eating Out 'Z? I was denied entry
to a producer Internet network because my
email was Gay Propaganda. WTF!?"
She's so engaged, so vibrant, so fully
present that it's difficult to remember
she has stage IV cancer, that she could
die. She doesn't look sick, and you can't
help wanting her not to be sick. She lived
through the AIDS crisis with friends. She
watched life one-day-at-a-time.
"I am not dead yet, and this is just what
I have to deal with. It's no better or worse
than the next person. This is just what
happened to me, so I have to deal with it
with humor and humility:'
Disalvatore wants to use her bully
pulpit to remind women to take care of
themselves by doing what she does: good
diet, yoga, meditation, pets.
"This stuff works;' she asserts. "I'm living
proof. I have lost several friends in the last
year to cancer, and sadly it was too soon
because they weren't educated enough in
how to live with the disease and go beyond
what their doctors say:'
She has some other advice: "Please do
not buy an animal off the Internet. Do not
buy from a breeder. If you like bred dogs,
find a rescue for that breed. Please go to
the shelter-those animals are beautiful and
wonderful. Don't judge them because they
are there. They have souls like everyone
else, and it's not their fault they are there.
This is someone who is going to be part of
your home, life and family. So it shouldn't
matter what they look like. You just want
a great dog or cat, and the perfect animal
companion for you!"
She leans in, entre nous, and says, "I'll
tell you, I am pretty grateful every single
day I'm alive, and I don't care who that
matters to-because it matters to me!"
(howtosaveadog.com) •
26SUMMERSISTERHOOD
28SEXYSELFTIME
32BESTBEACH READS
curve
24
MOVIES
MUSIC
BOOKS
SEX
ALLISON
MILLER
BRINGS
THE BEAT
»
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JUL/AUG
2016
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23
Getting into the groove with modern jazz drum maestro Allison Miller.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
S
he's got the beat! Allison Miller,
the multitalented, award-winning,
critically-acclaimed jazz drummer,
composer, and bandleader is the
brains behind her band Boom Tic
Boom, which features five other incredible
musicians. But Miller is also a keen collaborator with the likes of Toshi Reagon and
plays with musical icons such as Natalie
Merchant, Ani DiFranco, and Brandi Carlile. Add to this musical combo married life
and parenting, and you have something
akin to jazz itself: energetic, unpredictable, and totally awesome to hear. Currently touring with her band to promote its
full-length studio album, Otis Was a Polar
Bear, Miller took five to riff about jazz, parenting and LGBT rights. Meanwhile, catch
her on Late Night with Seth Meyers.
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2016
YOU BEGAN PLAYING THE DRUMS AT AGE 10.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? WAS DRUMMING
CONNECTED WITH YOUR SEXUALITY?
I had wanted to play the drums since I
can remember. Growing up in a musical
household, rhythm and melody were a
part of everyday life. We danced, sang,
and beat on every surface in the house. I
expressed my obsession with drumming
from the time I could talk but my mom insisted I learn the piano first. So, at the age
of 6, I began taking piano lessons (with my
mom). I am eternally grateful to her for insisting I learn the piano. It has made me
the musician that I am today.
I'm an '80s kid and I would watch the
garage scene in Some Kind of Wonderful
where Watts (Masterson) teaches Keith
(Stoltz) "how to kiss," over and over again.
It made me feel real funny. At the time
I thought I was crushing on Keith, but I
was actually obsessed with Watts and her
tomboy swagger. I wanted to be like her,
but I also thought she was super hot. My
churchgoing, 13-year-old self was so confused!
I don't particularly think there is a connection between my sexuality and aptness
for rhythm. I will say, though, that spending my early years surrounded by musicians, actors, artists, writers, and activists
definitely fast-forwarded my "coming out"
process. I was also such a tomboy I didn't
even realize most of the other drummers
in music class were boys. They were just
my friends and fellow drummers. I felt no
intimidation from the boys or peer pressure from the girls to play a more "girly"
REVIEWS/MU
instrument. I was kind of one of those
lucky kids who found what I loved to do,
stuck blinders on, and went for it. I always
knew I was made to play the drums. I actually think girl drummers would have intimidated me more because I would have
crushed out and followed them around
like a puppy dog.
WHAT DOES JAZZ MEAN TO YOU, AND HOW
WE CAN TURN MORE LESBIANS ONTO IT?
Jazz is freedom. As a player, it gives
me the opportunity to engage in musical
conversation. At different times in my life,
jazz improvisation has been the pathway
to euphoric, whole body, magical journeys where I completely lose myself in the
music. It's these rare moments that keep
me playing jazz. It's similar to how surfers
must feel as they relentlessly search for
the next perfect ride. Jazz also serves as
the soundtrack to my alternative lifestyle
inspiring me to live the life I wish to lead.
Womyn's Folk music caught on like
wildfire in the lesbian community, starting
in the late '60's with the birth of the feminist movement. I'm certain more queers
would be drawn to jazz if it became the
centrepiece to their community and the
current social movement. Jazz has always
been considered a social music. It pushes boundaries and questions the norm. It
demands change and encourages progress... Wouldn't it be great if we could realign jazz with our current fight against
oppression? Can you imagine if jazz was
the soundtrack to our current battle securing equality for our transgender brothers
and sisters?
later, while changing my daughter's diaper, I started singing a new melody that
was this cross between Cuban clave and
Klezmer harmony. And so soon after Josie
was born, "Fuster," the song, was born.
ARE AUDIENCES OK WHEN YOU COME OUT
ON STAGE?
I think they are craving connection and
appreciate a sense of "realness" coming
from the stage. They appreciate knowing why I wrote a song or who inspired a
song. Oftentimes jazz concerts leave the
listener feeling left out. I want the room
to feel like one big family by the time we
finish a show. And I want every single person in the room to leave inspired to make
a change. I am very proud of my sexuality
and I think it is about time all the queers in
jazz stopped hiding their sexuality. Music
and life are one and the same. I used to
hide behind my own wall of self-imposed
homophobia. It wasn't until I came out
publicly, that I was able to lift that heavy
weight off my shoulders and feel truly free.
YOU TOUR EXTENSIVELY, HOW DOES THAT
WORK AS A PARENT?
I have definitely slowed down my touring since [my wife] Rachel and I got serious. And, I have slowed my touring even
more since our daughter was born. Until
Rachel, I had a long pattern of two-year
relationships that would usually end because of my time away on the road. In
some ways, my relationship with Rachel
feels like my first mature partnership. I
knew I did not want to lose our connection. So, I made the decision to cut down
my touring schedule. And now that I'm a
parent, I try not to tour for more than two
weeks at a time. I am putting more energy
towards projects that I have artistic control
of or co-direct. Taking on more responsibility actually enables me to sculpt my
schedule to fit more with my family life. I
also bring Josie and Rachel with me whenever possible. This is great! Josie loves
Boom Tic Boom!
WE HAVE MARRIAGE EQUALITY, AND SAMESEX COUPLES CAN NOW ADOPT CHILDREN.
BUT WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THE PREJUDICE THAT IS STILL OUT THERE?
I find that most people outside the
queer community need to ask the question "Which one of you is the birth mother?" or, "How did you all do it?" I get
frustrated by these questions and personally find them off-putting. I don't think it is
anyone's business and I feel like there is an
underlying judgement behind these questions. We are Josie's mothers and that is
all that matters. [But] these are new laws
and it takes years for people to understand
them. For example, we were told both of
our names could be on our daughter's
birth certificate, even though we weren't
married. But when the social worker came
to our hospital room to fill out the birth
certificate form, she wouldn't allow me to
add my name to Josie's birth certificate.
She said we had to be married. This was
very upsetting for both of us. We definitely would have gotten married before the
birth of Josie if we had known this. Now
we are married, both of our names are on
her birth certificate, and I have legally adopted Josie. All of our bases are covered!
(allisonmiller.com) •
YOU WROTE AND DEDICATED A SONG FOR
YOUR DAUGHTER JOSIE. HOW HAS BEING A
PARENT NURTURED YOUR CREATIVITY?
Otis was a Polar Bear is inspired by my
daughter. Most of the music was written
within the first three months of her life. In
2012, my family and I took a trip to Cuba,
right before our daughter was conceived.
When we were there we fell deeply in love
with the work of Cuban folk artist Jose
Fuster. We brought a piece of his art back
with us to hang on the wall of our not yet
realized daughter's bedroom wall. Something from Grandpa Fuster! That's what
he felt like to my Jewish wife, sort of this
cross between a Cuban grandpa and a
Jewish grandpa. About a year and a half
r;LLISON MILLER'S
JUL/AUG
2016
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25
Summertime depicts lesbian love against a backdrop of feminist activism.
BY ALLIE ESSLINGER
I
n La Belle Saison (Summertime
for those of us reliant on English
language subtitles), Delphine (lifa
Higelin) and Carole (Cecile de
France) must interpret their personal
liberation in the context of 1971France and
the broader women's liberation movement
that is happening at the time. Soon after
leaving her home on a farm and settling in
Paris, Delphine meets Carole on the street
in the midst of a radical feminist political
action. Not only does Delphine fall for
Carole because she is smart, tough, and
beautiful; Carole also represents a freedom
that emboldens Delphine to explore not
only a new sexual identity, but also the
feminist awakening embodied in the motto
26
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2016
"the personal is the political."
As both her feelings and acts of
resistance grow bolder during her time
in Paris, Delphine notices a spring in her
step and remarks that the new world that
she's discovered-a world with Carole at
its center-offers firm ground that could
launch her forward with every stride.
In the grand tradition of summer love
stories, these women are caught in a
whirlwind of ecstasy and discovery until
tragedy strikes and Delphine must return
to her family's farm. Never more aware
of the dangers of the "soft fields" she is
returning to, Delphine knows that her
first love, her land, has the tendency to
quagmire anyone who stands still too long.
In some ways, Summertime is another
coming out movie. But what veteran
director Catherine Corsini is able to do
with the powerhouse performances
by the terrific Cecile de France and the
indomitable lifa Higelin, is weave the
familiar moments of self-discovery into
the broader narrative of the early days of
the feminist movement and create a story
that we have not seen before. Corsini
pinpoints some of the larger complaints
of second wave feminism and allows
her characters to assess for themselves
the limitations within the notion of
solidarity without becoming preachy.
She addresses class and background as
obstacles for her heroines but does not
construct a gendered dichotomy within
their relationship. Thematically, this film
could have easily fallen into the safety
net of "edu-tainment" that often traps
the advocate-artist wanting to use her
story as a teachable moment, but Corsini
masterfully keeps the focus on the
women, only occasionally romanticizing
the difficult work of sisterhood. The
film's many vignettes of intimacy both
captivated and surprised me throughout
the 105 minutes of run time.
While there is, of course, a part of me
that wishes there could have been more
diversity in the film, knowing what we
know about the early days of the feminist
movement and how it lacked an affinity
for the broader issues of intersectionality,
I'm ultimately pleased that Corsini does
not opt for a false narrative around the
idealism of radical acts. Similarly, she
requires that both Carole and Delphine
tread softly throughout the second half
of the film, which gives us insight into
their individual capacity for empathy and
patience. Along with the characters, we
must realize that the opposite of passion
is both dullness and happiness; just
because the personal is political does
not mean that time and effort are not
required to connect our own desires and
ideals to our decision-making.
It is this idea that sticks with me as
I think about Summertime against the
backdrop of today's LGBTQ+ movement
and the contemporary
themes our
community now faces as we transition
from the fight for marriage equality
to a more holistic protection of queer
rights and organized actions towards
the dismantling of discrimination and
privilege.
At a recent panel tracing the history
of the feminist movement and the
contributions of queer female leaders
within it, I heard my favorite definition to
date of a lesbian: a woman who is sexually,
politically, and emotionally committed to
women. It is with that characterization in
mind that Summertime can be included
in the lesbian 'canon' of films like High Art
and Go Fish and Watermelon Womanall groundbreaking in their depiction
of women supporting women, and all
revolutionary in the stories they tell about
what it means to live in a world where that
remains dangerous and necessary and, at
times, truly liberating.
La Belle Saison opens on July 22 in New
York and Los Angeles with national
release dates to follow.
IZIA HIGELIN
NOEMIE LVOVSKY
UN FILM DE CATHERINE CORSINI
K£VINAZATS
dam_g
~t,UC\'kk-o.<..-om
IEWStSEX
PAGES
TO
TURN
YOU
ON
From erotic fiction to mastering masturbation.
av vANA TALLoN-H1cKs
The
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toSo]o
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Best
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Erotica
Edited
bySaachi
Green
(Cleis
Press)
The
Ultimate
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toSolo
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ByJenny
Block
(Cleis
Press)
Two decades ago, Tristan Taormina and Cleis Press published the first
The other day I masturbated on my yoga mat, in the middle of my living
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As a tech-obsessed baby-queer millennial-freshly
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Masturbation is a multipurpose practice: It relieves stress and physical
and newly introduced to the wonderful world of sex toys (thanks,
pain, it gives us the opportunity to explore new sexual pleasures to bring into
GoodVibes!), CrashPadSeries.com porn (double thanks, GoodVibesl),
our partnered sex, and it just plain keeps us connected to our bodies.
and the gorgeous utopia of queer San Francisco hotties-1 confess
And yet, whether through social stigma, partner insecurities, or mass-
that a paperback erotica anthology was at the bottom of my list of
media messages of "how sex should go," masturbation is still made invisible
priorities. Except for encountering a breathy, barely dressed blonde
as a viable option for our sex lives. Jenny Block is over this trend. In her latest
in the pages of a tattered romance novel left at your grandmother's
beach house, who even reads erotica
I?
Turns out, I do. And Cleis
Press's Best Lesbian Erotica series is the reason why.
The brain is undoubtedly our largest sex organ. So it's no surprise
book, The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex, she gives us all the reasons in the
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"Masturbation helps to remind women who we belong to-no one but
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stories moistening the pages of Best Lesbian Erotica 20th Anniversary
people we owe anything to are ourselves. We owe ourselves pleasure."
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Sexual pleasure isn't just an indulgence, Block tells us, but a right that any
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Sacchi Green has edited Best
of our bank account, body shape, identity, or who we choose to get sexy
Lesbian Erotica 20th Anniversary Edition to include what's different,
with. To get solo sexy, all we need is a little information and a lot of self-
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the finger-lickingly literary voices of Sinclair Sexsmith, D.L. King, Anna
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F
rom capes and castles to sparkly skin and adolescent angst, the
vampire is a creature that writers have created and recreated
over the centuries very much in their
own ideological
image. Like Dracula, Edward Cullen, and Lestat de Lioncourt, Gilda, the title character of
the groundbreaking
novel The Gilda
Stories (reissued by City Lights in an
expanded 25th anniversary edition),
is the bearer of a unique vampire mythology. She is a fugitive slave in 1850s
Louisiana as the novel opens, and her
story is told from a lesbian-feminist
perspective.
Years
before
African-American
authors such as Octavia Butler and
Tananarive Due began refashioning
narratives of the undead with queer
black female protagonists
at their
center,
Jewelle
Gomez pioneered
what is now a recognizable vampire
sub-genre with Gilda, the winner of
two Lambda Literary Awards.
"In 1991, when Gilda was first published, there wasn't anything like it,"
Gomez says from her home in the Bay
Area. "As I began working on the book
with my editor, she asked me how I
was going to write about a vampire
that was not a serial killer. As a lesbian feminist, everything I write comes
from that perspective, so I work extra hard to make sure that my work
doesn't come across as exploitative,
and to create characters that live up
to the values that are core to me."
Gomez achieved her aim by creating vampires that take blood without
killing and leave those they drink from
with enriched dreams and a sense of
well-being. Further, by steering clear
of such staples of the vampire genre as
guilt, violence, and suppressed erotic
desire, Gomez relies upon values, not
vices, to delineate
her characters.
Reciprocity, reproductive
constraint,
and the right to end one's life on one's
own terms are some of the issues Gomez deftly explores, and she does so
in part by writing a vampire story that
is also a piece of speculative fiction.
At the end of the novel, which takes
place in the middle of the 21st century, Gilda is again hunted. Only instead
of fleeing a 19th-century slave master,
VAMPIRE
VALUES
The eternal power of Jewelle Gomez's The Gilda Stories.
BY VICTORIA
BOND
30
JUL/AUG
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''
MY EDITORASKED ME
HOW I WAS GOING
TO WRITEABOUT A
VAMPIRETHAT WAS
NOT A SERIALKlLLER.
AS A LESBIAN FEMINIST,
I WORK EXTRAHARD TO
CREATECHARACTERS
THAT LIVE UP TO THE
VALUESTHAT ARE
CORE TO ME.
she's now running from wealthy people who want to use vampire blood to
live prolonged, robust lives in a world
of environmental collapse. "Gilda's invested in her sense of responsibility,
which grows out of her power," Gomez says. "This message runs counter
to the capitalistic system in which we
live. Speculative fiction is not about
prophecy-it
is about carefully considering the world we live in today, right
now."
"In the speculative
fiction classes I've visited on college campuses
across the country, what I call the
post-Buffy audience wants to discuss
sci-fi within a social consciousness
context. Fracking, the flagrant disregard that government agencies show
for resources like clean water, a lack of
commitment to envisioning our part in
the future: These things spell longrange fallout, and growing up with my
great-grandmother,
who was a Native
American born in 1883, I have always
had a sense of the long term."
A
Native
American
character
called Bird, who is based on Gomez's
great-grandmother,
is one of two
women who turn Gilda, as well as
teach her how to live as a "human who
is no longer mortal." Over the 200year span of the novel, Gilda thrives,
in Gomez's words, "not only on blood,
but on her connectivity
to other human beings." This statement is also
true of the novel itself.
The theater company Urban Bush
Women adapted Gilda for the stage
and the play traveled to 13 cities. A
young woman at a Florida book-signing presented a battered copy of the
novel to Gomez, recounting for the
author that when a hurricane hit, Gilda
was the only book she thought to save
from her badly damaged home. And in
a lovely afterward in the novel's new
edition, the scholar and activist Alexis
Pauline Gumbs writes that her mother
keeps Gilda right where she belongs:
on the self-help shelf.
Part of why the novel has achieved
classic status is because of Gomez's
ingenious reframing of blood-taking.
By scripting the act as an exchange
instead of one of murderous thievery,
Gomez not only contributed
to vampire mythology, but she did so based
on what she believed to be "possible
as a feminist."
The Gilda Stories has endured for 25
years and will for many more because
it expands the vampire narrative with
its vision of a responsible, compassionate, woman-centered
power. It's
a game-changing shot in the arm to
the genre, and an eternal inspiration
to readers. (jewellegomez.com) •
BEST
BEACH
READS
Reading to relax with, by lesbian authors.
THE FUN FACTOR:
Between Lena Dunham, Amy Schumer
and the Broad City gals, we're experiencing
some great peaks of bawdy female humor
so I feel I'm in good company. I definitely
did giggle like a loony while writing some
of the funnier sequences and one-liners,
which felt promising, and the first time I
read out a scene at a writers' residency I
got a fantastic response, which was awesome.
THE FRIEND FACTOR:
I moved to New York from Australia when
I was 29. I didn't know anyone in the city, I
didn't have a job, a visa, or a place to live.
Luckily for me, I met and cultivated a wonderful group of friends who mean the world
to me. My friends have always been a place
where I find myself. In them I learn who I
am, what I like, what's important to me. And
my female friendships have always been
the closest of them all.
THE MESSAGE:
I wrote The Regulars because I wanted
to
join
the conversation about beauty. How
..............................................................................................................................................................
do unrealistic beauty standards affect real
THE INSPIRATION:
women even if they're smart and feminist?
I'd wanted to write about beauty for a
plishment in itself or a true value for womHow much does your appearance affect
while. I was at home, editing my last book,
en. However, she can't help but wonder if
your personality? I've struggled with poor
glass of wine in hand, and the idea of a sebeing superhot would make her life betself-esteem relating to my appearance, so
rum that turns you pretty popped into my
ter-same. I created Evie as bisexual-with-aI wanted to write about three regular girls
head. As I sat there, a scene began playing
chance-of-gay because that's exactly who
going through some of the same things I'd
in my head, as fully formed as a movie:
I was at 23. It is super-important for me to
gone through. I wanted to write a story that
Three different girls in a grounded real-life
include queer characters in my work.
honestly represented my world: a world
world, a potion, an unexpected transformathat is liberal, queer, multicultural, bohetion .... When it ended, I knew instantly that
THE HOLLYWOOD FACTOR:
mian and creative. I wanted to write about
I have a fancy Hollywood agent who
it could be a novel. Moral of the story: listen
girls who kiss girls because I do it and I love
believes this book will make a great movto your daydreams.
it. Thirdly, I wanted to create funny feminist
pop culture. Because we could all use a lot
ie. I think Mia Wasikowska would make
a great Willow: she can be very subtle
THE QUEER APPEAL:
more of that.
Evie is a 23-year-old underpaid, overand interior. Mozart In The Jungle's Hanworked copy editor for a glossy women's
nah Dunne could be a cool Evie. Krista is THE LAUNCH:
South-East Asian: a younger, less famous
Meet me at my book launch at Powermagazine called Salty. I spent my formahouse Books in DUMBO, NYC, on WednesMindy Kaling. The rest of that unlimited
tive years in magazine land. Evie is queerbudget would be spent on helicopters and
same. She online dates poorly-same. She
day August 3. There'll be champagne! And
snacks! (georgiaclark.com)
chocolate fountains.
understands that beauty is not an accom-
32
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REVIEWS/
BO
KATE
CARROLL
DE
GUTES:
OBJECTS
INMIRROR
ARE
CLOSER
THAN
THEY
APPEAR
DeGutes recently won a Lambda Literary Award, beating out the likes of Cat Cora and Carrie Brownstein for
this innovative, associative, autobiographical work of creative nonfiction. The book is structured as a collection of
memory essays that chart the milestones in this particular
lesbian's life, gradually piecing together the demise of her
23-year marriage. It's a bittersweet book, with recognizable
references to Ikea furniture, cherished shared possessions,
and the keepsakes that trace a meaningful relationship that
was once viewed as permanent. Visual and sensual, simple
and poetic, it's a non-chronological mediation on gender,
coming out, sexuality, and the maturation of butch identity.
It moves from illicit schoolgirl crush to first kiss to divorce,
with some impeccable home renovations in between. This
is a dreamy and cathartic read, especially if you've been
through a breakup.
GABRIELLE
GLANCY:
VERA
This very queer gem of a book was written 20 years ago and
honored with "a dazzling slew of rejections;' according to Glancy, who eventually gave up on her manuscript until she was
inspired by the success of Transparent to unearth it from her
attic and send it out again. Finally,this wonderful, literary, funny,
and sexy roman clef was published by Oneiric Press.The story, which is set on the West Coast in the 1990s, concerns itself
with Glancy's obsessive pursuit of the one that got away-an androgynous Russian girl named Vera, who is obsessed with the
Unabomber more than she is with Glancy. Along the way, we
enjoy some sexy lesbian encounters, polymorphous dalliances
with a couple of men, and, like Glancy herself, we try to come
to terms with the effects of a lesbian love that doesn't work out,
but which nevertheless leaves an indelible impression on our
psyches. Not always a comfortable read, Vera is by turns mystifying, hilarious, admirable, and always hard to put down.
a
JUL/AUG
2016
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33
1Ews1BOOKS
BEST
BEACH
READS
KATIE
LYNCH:
CONFUCIUS
JANE
This charming, easy-to-read novel is set between New
York City's Upper East Side and Chinatown, and celebrates
the delicate bloom of cross-cultural and bi-racial lesbian
love. Aspiring poet and fortune cookie worker Jane falls head
over heels for upper crust cutie and medical student Sutton.
But complications ensue when Sutton's bigwig father disapproves of his daughter's choice of romantic partner-even
as he hides a major indiscretion of his own. There's a lot to
enjoy here: humor, poetry, dumpling slurping, yummy dim
sum, sexy time, and a good dose of scandal and suspense,
too. Wrapped inside its thoughtful plot is a heartening message: love might begin with luck, but it endures with courage and commitment. The novel sparkles with authenticity:
Lynch was inspired by her own relationship with her wife
who is second-generation Chinese American.
MICHELLE
TEA:
BLACK
WAVE
LGBT lit legend Michelle Tea, who is the author and co-editor of 15 books, has made an impression with her latest novel, Black Wave, on the likes of Jill Soloway and Eileen Myles,
who calls it a "bad fairytale come true." Set in San Francisco and L.A. in 1999, the book began its life as a traditional
memoir, attempting to come to grips with the demise of a
long-term relationship, but morphed into something else
entirely: a meta-narrative that questions the nature of truth
itself. Aided by her choice to name the narrator Michelle,
and freely and creatively narrate her experiences-real and
imagined-the result is a powerful work set at the precipice
of the millennium, about the attempt to end addiction-to
drugs, to love-experienced
by so many queer people in
this brave new world. So strap yourself in and get ready to
go on a glittering, grungy, dystopian ride, written in Tea's
best crisp and uncompromising prose style.
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0
CHAR GLASSER'SBACHELORSTYLE
4
IN MEMORIAM·. 0 RLANDO
JUL/AUG
201 6
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STYLE/
B.
on my American notions of
male production staged for an
xclusively female audience, I was
expecting the black-box-theater equivalent
of a dive bar. But kitschy underground is
not what the Takarazuka has to offer, and
instead I found myself lining up in front of
the grand-staircased, crimson-carpeted,
velvet-seated Takarazuka Tokyo Theater
early on a Saturday morning, hoping to get
a ticket for the 11 a.m. show, while other
women-women
who knew enough to
buy their tickets well in advance-gathered
together in groups demarcated by scarf
color. The scarves identify the fan clubs of
each popular otokoyaku (male role player)
and musumeyaku (female role player), and
the scarf-wearing women arrive early to
each and every performance in order to line
up, front rows kneeling, and ritualistically
proffer cards and small gifts to their
favorite stars. (Since it was chilly, I walked
up wearing an eggshell blue scarf picked
through with maroon and navy paisley,
leading to a lot of warily appraising looks
from fans trying to figure out my seemingly
lunatic proclamation of allegiance.)
Once everyone has arrived, over 1,000
women routinely press into the theater
and head straight to the gift shop for
the mass consumption of souvenirs
featuring
gender-bending
faces-the
otokoyaku are women meant to play male
without ever becoming too masculine.
Described constantly as "ideal men;' the
otokoyaku embody everything heroic,
romantic, and handsome in a highly
stylized notion of masculinity, one that is
never disappointingly confined to reality.
The goal isn't impeccable drag king or
indistinguishable androgyny, but rather
a carefully cultivated physicality; specific
modes of speech and behavior are taught
to each generation of otokoyaku by their
predecessors, all to please the desires of
their female audience.
The musumeyaku, on the other hand, are
meant to also play highly stylized gender
roles, but their exaggerated femininity is
a prop to the otokoyaku. The Takarazuka
Revue'sEnglish language website declares,
"Despite being women, the otokoyaku
wear an air of male sexuality, while the
musumeyaku help them stand out. If one
or the other were gone, the Takarazuka
Revue would be nothing." The website
PERFORMANCE
also notes that the otokoyaku can be most
easily distinguished by their short hair,
the musumeyaku by their long hair. And
it is true-the gender binary is so clearly
enforced on stage that you will never
lose track of whether a character is male
or female. It's no wonder, then, that the
otokoyaku, who are women performing
outside of the gender norms they were
born into, are more popular with the
audience than the women who are stuck in
heteronormative femininity.
The revue was founded in 1914 by
Hankyu Railwayexecutive lchizo Kobayashi;
its purpose was to lure train passengers to
a failed resort, where the first audiences
sat in what had previously been the inground swimming pool. But the founder's
commercial enterprise had always been
twinned with a social aim-as Jennifer
Robertson, a professor of anthropology
and art history at the University of Michigan
and the author of Takarazuka: Sexual
Politics and Popular Culture in Modern
Japan, notes: "Kobayashi's ostensible
intentions in having females perform as
men on stage was to allow potentially
disruptive 'modern girls' to sow their oats
in a sanctioned context [the revue], and
later, when they retired, to parlay their firsthand experience of performing as men into
their 'real' profession as married women.
He believed that otokoyaku made the best
wives, as, having performed as men, they
would be able to anticipate and satisfy the
needs of their real-life husbands:'
With the goal of protecting the revue
from an unsavory reputation (women
on stage had previously been outlawed
in Japan due to prostitution in kabuki
theaters) and promoting the concept of
the female revue as societal betterment,
the Takarazuka Music School is the highly
selective two-year performing arts school
from which every Takarasienne (think
"Parisienne") must graduate-after
a
curriculum of dance, singing, drama, and
strict etiquette; this last subject is taught
by military personnel and enforced by
the senior class. Most students, and even
many performing Takarasiennes, live in the
school's dormitory, and all must live by the
unwritten Violet Code of Behavior, which
is premised on a motto that translates as
either "Modesty, Fairness, and Grace" or
"Purely, Righteously, Beautifully:'
JUL/AUG
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37
Students and performers are to remain
virginal and unmarried-virginal to uphold
the morality of the revue, unmarried in
order not to spoil the pure, righteous,
beautiful fantasy of both the fans and the
Takarasiennesthemselves. Of course, there
can be a difference between perceptionor promoted corporate image-and reality,
and asking hundreds of young women at a
time to suspend their feelings and desires
for years is, well, asking quite a lot.
Leonie R. Stickland, who is the author
of Gender Gymnastics: Performing and
Consuming Japan's Takarazuka Revue, a
lecturer in Japanese at Murdoch University
in Australia, and a former translator
and voice actor for the revue herself,
repeated to me a story she heard from
a Takarasienne friend: "During her two
years at the Takarazuka Music School,
nearly everyone was part of a 'couple,' as
was she herself, but only the individuals
themselves knew whether these couplings
included any actual sexual behavior. Then
again, according to her, many of the girls
who lived at the Violet Dormitory (Sumire
Ryo) also experimented with dating boys,
because for many of them it was the first
time they were not under the watchful eye
of their parents 24/7:'
This echoes what former Takarasienne
and now out lesbian and LGBT activist
Koyuki Higashi told me, via her wife, Hiroko
Masuhara, who acted as our translator.
Higashi knew she was a lesbian when she
attended the music school, right out of high
school, but before then she'd had only one
lesbian friend and, given the taboo against
being gay at the time and Takarazuka's
strictness, felt she "couldn't tell anyone:'
She knew there was something like
relationships between other students, but it
was never very clear what sort these were.
"If there was a relationship, they didn't tell
anyone:'
Stickland adds, "Even if Takarazuka
Music School students or performers do
form same-sex couples with one another,
or sometimes with a person outside the
revue, this is not seen as choosing to be
a lesbian, and is definitely not seen as a
lifelong choice. If anything, they have to
learn to be the targets of love and affection
from women who play the opposite gender
in their stage roles, and their off-stage
behavior perhaps could be interpreted as
practicing for their stage roles:'
Within the revue's administration,
38
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public adamance against any suggestion
of lesbianism probably stems from its
early history, when, as Robertson notes
in Takarazuka, an alleged affair in 1929
between otokoyaku Miyako Nara and film
actress Yaeko Mizutani got into the press;
and when the rival Shochiku Revue'sfemale
role player Eriko Saijo and her partner,
Yasumare Masuda, attempted a double
suicide in 1935, this also made it into the
papers. According to Robertson's research,
articles from the 1930s blamed otokoyaku
for an increase in lesbianism, and for a time,
Takarasienneswere not allowed to respond
to fan mail.
But today, relationships that aren't seen
as threatening to the company's image
may be tolerated, given that Takarazuka
employs
many
people,
and their
lifestyles and points of view are bound
to be more various than what company
policy dictates. Stickland knows about a
Takarasienne troupe leader who, with her
transgender partner, "ran a bar that was
frequented by many performers and staff
from the revue. Everyone knew that the
two were living together."
She adds, "I know another couple who
have been together for decades-again,
not top stars, but very well-respected
performers. Everyone knew that they were
a couple. I suspect that a top star, whose
popularity is seen to be in jeopardy from
rumors of her same-sex pairing, might
be told by the administration to be more
discreet, or, if it were thought to be more
effective, perhaps she and her partner
would be placed in different troupes,
so that they would hardly ever be in
the same place at the same time! I have
heard rumors about one pair who were
apparently split up in that way, against
their wishes."
Not only has the administration been
silent on the subject of Higashi and
Masuhara's symbolic wedding at Tokyo
DisneySea in 2013, though it was reported
in the international media, it has also
declined to comment on the marriage
certificate they received from Tokyo's
Shibuya Ward in 2015, though theirs was
the first same-sex marriage certificate
issued in Japan. Some of Higashi's
classmates have been supportive, and a
Takarasienne two years her senior sang
at their wedding. Some fans have had
"THE
WOMEN
PERFORMING
OUTSIDE
OFTHE
GENDER
NORMS
THEY
WERE
BORN
INTO
ARE
MORE
POPULAR
WITH
THE
AUDIENCE
THAN
THE
WOMEN
WHO
ARE
STUCK
IN
HETERONORMATIVE
FEMININITY."
THE TAKARAZUKA REVUE'S 'CHICAGO'
Don't miss the legendary all-female
version of the hit musical at Lincoln
Center, New York City, July 20-24.
Tickets: Iincol ncenterfestiva I.org
STYLE/
a positive reaction as well, while others
have called it "annoying" because,
Masuhara told me, "Some people already
think Koyuki's fans are lesbians because
they like Takarazuka, and her coming
out would reinforce this image:' Higashi
and Masuhara estimate that there are
about 4,000 past and present Takarazuka
actresses-and so far, only Higashi has
come out publicly.
The documentary Dream Girls, from
Kim Longinotto and Jano Williams (also
watch Shinjuku Boys), gives the best
glimpse of how fervently fans love
Takarazuka-second only to witnessing it
for yourself. "Admiration"-or, in Japanese,
akogare-is the word consistently used.
This also means that Takarasiennes are
never off the clock-not where they might
possibly encounter a fan. "Fans will write
letters to their favorite performer, often
giving appraisals of her performance, and
this may include comments about her
appearance and demeanor offstage.
Certainly, the onstage gender tends
to be reflected in the clothing, hairstyle,
makeup, and colors that the performers
wear offstage, as there is always such a
crowd outside the stage door, and so the
performers are scrutinized-and
these
days are likely to be filmed and uploaded
to YouTube. One of my close friends, an
otokoyaku in the early 1980s, told me that
her girlfriend [a more senior musumeyaku]
would coach her on how to walk, talk,
smoke, and everything, molding my friend
into the musumeyaku's ideal image of an
otokoyaku," Stickland says.
It is all about the dream world of
Takarazuka, after all. In that space, under
those lights, the Takarasiennes know
exactly how to draw the audience in.
When I saw Don Carlos, the entire house
wept. Everyone-all the way back to the
last, unofficial row in the balcony, where
metal folding chairs had been placed for
the over-capacity crowd-leaned forward
in their seats, as though physically pulled
toward the tragic love on the stage.
Opera glasses were removed only long
enough to wipe away tears.
It was no gimmick that every performer
onstage was a woman. Hollywood
may still be struggling with whether
female leads can carry a film, but the
Takarasiennes give the lie to that every
PERFORMANCE
time they perform to an enthralled
audience and a packed house. Even
with a language barrier, watching the
physicality and facial expressions on a
stage filled only with women-regardless
of the gender they perform-and feeling
the control they have over that audience
with their bodies and their voices, their
power over the mood of the entire room
is a thing to behold.
It has been pointed out so frequently
that Takarazuka is not a lesbian
theater that the effect of the warning/
admonition/company
line has become
farcical to me. Takarazuka is not a lesbian
theater, except that...when you gather
thousands of women together for over
a century of shared culture and history
in an environment based on adoration
and admiration between women, then
lesbians are exceptionally well positioned
to understand and recognize all that
akogare-admiration/longing/yearning/
aspiration.
And this July, as part of the Lincoln
Center Festival, we'll be able to experience
that unique brand of Takarazuka-induced
akogare for ourselves. •
If you've attended a queer women's event lately, it's likely that Charlotte "Char" Glasser,
partner at uber-cool girls' night, Hot Rabbit, played a role in it. She emceed the Club
Skirts Dinah Shore opening party to kick-off what is known as one of the largest lesbian
events in the United States; she was a host at Miami's Aqua Girl, the largest charity event
week in the world for women who love women; she co-produced The LGBT Center's
Women's Event 18 afterparty; she co-produced the afterparty for dapperQ's queer New
York Fashion Week Brooklyn Museum runway show; and she regularly curates awardwinning weekly LGBTQ events in New York City.
40
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2016
STYLE/PROFILE
As if the celesbian limelight doesn't
keep Char busy enough, she's also a
creative director at The Vintage Brands,
a concept jewelry destination with a
brick and mortar location in Malibu
California. The Vintage Brands offers
a vast and unique inventory filled with
luxury names such as Cartier, Kwiat,
Rolex, Hermes and more in jewelry,
watches and handbags. Despite being
surrounded
by single women and
working with clientele in search of
engagement, wedding, and anniversary
rings, Char has yet to make a love
connection with that special someone.
But she's definitely ready to "put a ring
on it" and has been perusing the singles
scene in style.
you get what your other half actually
wants, not what you think they want.
Gifts of love should be thoughtful
and meaningful rather than simply
conforming to society's expectations of
size or cost.
WHAT'S YOUR PERSONAL STYLE?
I buy the majority of my items from
the boy's department at Zara. I have
always really liked formalwear, suits,
and button downs. But I also wear
snapbacks every other day. I'm mostly
androgynous with a slight tilt toward
a more masculine presenting style. I
like layers, so it's really hard for me in
warmer months because I want to stack
T-shirts, hoodies, flannels, jackets and
accessories.
WHO IS YOUR IDEAL WOMAN?
My perfect woman is incredibly smart
and interesting. I love a woman who
radiates powerful energy and who
makes me feel good when I'm around
her; a woman who genuinely wants to
be partners, who can do things I can't,
and who wants my help on the things
she appreciates about me. We'd have
to really like each other because love
isn't enough. I want to be with a girl
for whom the honeymoon phase never
ends.
THE PERFECT ENGAGEMENT RING?
The most important advice I would give
to someone proposing is make sure
WHAT'S YOUR GO-TO DATE NIGHT OUTFIT?
Anything and everything black. Black
leather boots. Black skinnies. Black
oversized T-shirt. Black bomber. Black
Boston snapback. Top it all off with
some accessories from The Vintage
Brands. (Not even joking, best part of
the Vintage Brands job!)
WHAT'S YOUR DATING MINDSET?
I take commitment very seriously. It
takes a lot for me to want to "title up."
I have come to an age and a point in
my life where, if I am going to take that
step, it has to be an uncompromising fit.
(vintagemalibu.com)
52FAMILYTIES
56FIGHTING FOROUR FURKIDS
58
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2016
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FEATURES/
WEDDI
TbaiSmile
A wedding and a feast for the soul on a beach in Thailand.
Lizz LaRouge, 30, and Guinevere
Short, 32, met in early 2013 on a
dancefloor on an island paradise in
Thailand. The year was still new and full
of possibilities, and they met only as
friends. At the time, they didn't know
that they, and those around them, would
soon become "soul family."
After returning to their ordinary lives
and staying in touch as friends for nine
months (Guinevere was straight), they
connected again in California, once
more as friends, this time on a road trip.
But within days, sparks flew and hearts
fused. Three months later on vacation
in another island paradise-this
time
Hawaii-Lizz experienced an epiphany
mid-meditation
that Guinevere was
"the one." Lizz proposed via a poem,
Guinevere accepted, and the couple
wed on that island paradise where
they had first met. An eclectic mix of
international friends, many of whom
the couple had first met on that Thai
dancefloor, had become a community
who bestowed upon them everything
they required for their nuptials, including
a beachfront bungalow venue, music,
DJs, food, drink, and decor.
Lizz and Guinevere's gowns were
provided
by their
up-and-coming
designer friend Kira Buck of Flying
Horses LA. Rings were designed by
jeweler friends from San Diego, Flight of
Fancy, who custom-created bands over
Skype and email. The couple wrote and
exchanged "soul vows," witnessed by
250 friends, who feasted on the catering
of Michelin-starred chef Bradley Kayne,
who flew from the US especially to
create a casual buffet-style meal on the
beach for his friends. Everyone danced
the night away under the stars to a
musical journey that continues today.•
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
45
A Connecticut couple takes their
PHOTOS BY ESTEBAN GIL
Amy Schock and Lisa Tedesco, both 30,
were aware of each other in high school
in Connecticut, but it was the Internet that
brought them together. "A co-worker of
mine was dating online and asked me if I
knew a certain girl, because she graduated
the same year I did from the same high
school," explains Lisa. "It was Amy, and of
course I recognized her. Their date turned
out to be a flop, so Amy and I started
talking and hanging out. Eventually, we
knew that we were meant to be."
Lisa proposed to Amy in Central
Park, New York, in front of the Alice in
Wonderland sculpture. "Amy is an English
major and that's her favorite fable;' says
Lisa, who wooed her bride-to-be with a
hand-written poem that included lyrics
to their favorite songs and a princess cut
diamond she had picked out for her. Amy
said yes. Who wouldn't?
Two years later, the couple wed at the
Branford House Mansion at Avery Point
in Groton, Connecticut, in a 1920s, Great
Gatsby inspired reception featuring cool
46
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JUL/AUG
2016
speakeasy-inspired cocktails, a jazz band,
and a vintage car. The wedding rings
featured sapphires (blue is their favorite
color). Amy's ring was by Gemvara and
Lisa's was by Nodeform. Gowns were
supplied by Mod Cloth and locally by The
White Dress By The Shore. The couple's
officiant, Christina Morin, also coordinated
the reception. The couple chose a hand
fasting ceremony with words chosen from
their favorite classic novels. There were
plentiful cupcakes-some
with rainbow
frosting-for guests, and a sweetheart cake
for the brides, courtesy of NORA Cupcake
Company in Middletown, CT. The wedding
march was "Somewhere Over the Rainbow,"
and guests were serenaded at cocktail hour
by NYC cabaret and musical comedy artist
Camille Harris. They danced the night away
to jazz tunes played by Brooklyn-based
gigmasters Oh La La. Instead of a photo
booth, Jackson and Richardson Caricatures
were on hand to make portraits of guests
as keepsakes. The happy couple is likely
taking their honeymoon in Bali as you read
this. The End.•
9·························································••••••••••••••••••••••
••••••••••••••••
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••·F
QueenJ
m1J{Jteerci,ButNoBridezillI/e
a:re
1
Thefkst Party of Our Lives by Sarnh Galvin offers inspir
ing stories of real gay weddings.
PHOTO BY NATE GOWDY PHOTOGRAPHY
This collection of
heartwarming essays
featuring real life male and
female same-sex couples
collects personal stories
of true romance from
proposal and engagement
to the ins and outs of every
aspect of a wedding-the
type of invitations sent to
the type of booze served.
Marriage equality took
us all by surpise, and this
little book captures that
while presenting a genuine
kaleidoscope of the state of
our unions today.
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
47
r
'> l"i
1
Eihiml
I
I
Elegance
)
. .
............
........................................
A wedding couturier takes
a stand against homophob· 1a.
FEATURES/
edding
designer
Sanyukta
Shrestha wanted to make a
bold global statement against
homophobia and transphobia. Two days
before the International Day Against
Homophobia in May, the UK-based
couturier launched a new line of ethically
aware bridal couture. Having heard many
heartbreaking stories of discrimination
from her bridal customers and other LGBT
wedding industry professionals, Sanyukta
decided to come out as a lesbian-friendly
couturier, happy to help couples find their
dream wedding attire.
The award-winning designer recognizes
that it is difficult for same-sex brides to find
a dress that compliments their partner's
wedding attire, especially if it is a femmefemme couple. She also understands
that brides shouldn't be limited to just a
heteronormative choice of either gowns
or tuxedos. While the Eco Goddess and
Ameya Flower Girl Collections come in
classic ivory, champagne and cream, and
feature traditional beading, lacework,
and embellishments, the 2017 collection
also pushes the boundaries by adding
fashion-forward jumpsuits, suits, and
blazers that echo and complement the
collection's full-length gowns. As well as
catering to a bride's unique individuality,
Sanyukta is ethical. Her bridal attire is
made of eco-friendly, organic, fair-trade
fabrics like bamboo, hemp and organic
silk. Plus, 10 percent of all purchases goes
to Sanyukta's Nepal Earthquake Aid Relief.
(sanyuktashrestha.com) •
WEDDI
Photos: Charise Ash
Art Direction: Taralyn Thuot
Styling: Tashina Hill
Hair and Makeup: Stormy Brady
Models: Liza Tennis and Caitlin
Vultaggio
Location: The Nines Hotel
emmes can't have all the fun;
weddings are feasts for badass
butches too. Just take it from
models of matrimony, Liza Tennis and
Caitlin Vultaggio. In this spread, they
proudly show off the simple and ready-towear tomboy comfort of Portland-based
Wildfang's Lucca Couture collection.
No need to stress on the big day: just
relax and be yourself in a tailored, lightweight
Ryder Double Breasted black
blazer paired with Poitier pants, or the
white Hawn blazer matched with white
Kennedy shorts. This range is priced
comfortably, too, with suit pieces $78 to
$168, and accessories starting at $18.
(wildfang.com) •
~amily
cnoice
love
MaKes
UsRea
Emotion, not biology, is the key to motherhood.
BY SARAH HAHN CAMPBELL
When my daughter Mitike had been home from Ethiopia for only four months,
we flew to visit a friend in California. As I sat happily watching Mitike slap the plane
window, a large man across the aisle grunted, "She yours?" I nodded, glowing. Yes.
This 20-month-old little girl was my daughter, and I was head over heels in love. "From
Africa?" Again, I nodded, studying Mitike's pudgy cheeks, her bright dark eyes, her
perfect pearls of teeth. I still couldn't believe I'd completed the complicated adoption
process: more than 30 documents were involved, as well as home visits, visas, the
required notarizations and shots, and then the intense journey over to Addis Ababa.
Now, one of us was immersed in diapers, the other in learning English. Together,
we were learning how to be mother and daughter.
"Yeah?" the man said. "Why the hell didn't you just go the easy route and
get knocked up?"
52
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2016
Later, a friend told me I should have shot
back: "What, and continue gene pools like
yours?" Or, "If you're offering, no thanks." In
the moment, I only wanted to dissolve into
tears. The "easy route"? The difficult route
would have been 1) staying married to a
man, so I could have my "own" children,
even though I'd discovered at age 28 that
I was gay; or 2) asking that good man who
had been my husband to be a sperm donor
for me.
"Mama, cloud! Cloud!" Mitike was
slapping the window hard, shouting.
"Cloud, Mama!" I turned toward her,
grateful for the distraction. The truth is,
Mr. Rude Airplane Guy, Mitike and I were
supposed to find each other.
The night after I announced to a room
full of friends on my 30th birthday that
I didn't need to have children of my own,
I stayed up late, feverishly scrutinizing
international adoption websites. Suddenly
and immediately, I needed to become a
mother. My breasts ached, heavy. And
then, just as suddenly, after a random
mouse click, all these Ethiopian children
gazed back at me, and I knew: My daughter
lived there.
I used to embellish this story for Mitike,
telling her that one night in 2007, I was
out for an evening walk in our Juneau
neighborhood when I heard a baby cry out
from far across the ocean. When I stopped
to listen, I'd say, I realized the little voice was
crying, "Mommy! Mommy!" "And then,"
Mitike would say, interrupting me, "you took
an airplane all the way to Ethiopia to bring
me home."
Now that Mitike and I have been
mother and daughter for seven years,
focused more on how to finish afternoon
homework and still fit in time to read Harry
Potter, people surprise us both with their
often-rude questions. A classmate of hers:
"Is she your real mom?" A student of mine:
"Do you think you'll ever have kids of your
own, Miss?" A friend: "Do you think you'll
regret not giving birth?"
Away from these intrusions, Mitike and I
don't often think about the nontraditional
way we became mother and daughter. We
may not be genetically related, but seven
years together means we laugh the same
way, worry the same way and cross our
legs the same way when we're immersed in
a good book. Some moments, she wraps
me in a hug; others, she rolls her eyes at
FEATURES/
me and stomps away. We're mother and
daughter as much as any biological mother
and daughter are. And in the past two years,
Meredith (who has just recently become
my wife) has become Mitike's other mother
just as easily. "Moms!" Mitike will call out as
she brandishes her math homework, or a
drawing, or a book she hopes one of us will
read to her. In our house, we know that it
doesn't matter how families are formedwhat matters is that they're formed in love.
A few weeks ago, Mitike, tired and
frustrated that we'd asked her to brush her
teeth and get ready for bed, shouted at us,
"You're not even my real moms, so I don't
have to do what you say!"
Meredith's eyes widened with hurt.
"What is a real mom, do you think?"
Mitike stared past her with half-lidded,
bloodshot eyes, her little arms crossed. It
was past her bedtime. As I propelled her
toward her room, I thought about all the
children who ask Mitike who her "real" mom
is. I thought about the biological mothers
in the world who beat their children, who
neglect them, who leave them. What is a
real mother? Meredith and I make meals for
Mitike, we read to her, we take her outside
to get exercise, we cuddle with her, we help
her with her homework, we treat her to ice
cream, we take her on road trips, we cheer
for her at soccer games, we save for her
college education, we tuck her into bed
when she's tired, we love her. What's more
real than all that?
The next morning, Mitike crawled into
bed between us, snuggling close. "You
are my real moms," she murmured, her
sleep-warm cheeks against ours. "It's true
because I feel it." I closed my eyes, aware
as I often am that Mitike will grow up too
soon, that she won't want to cuddle with
us, or spend all her time with us, or tell us
everything that is in her mind and heart.
"I'm sorry I said you weren't my real
moms," she added.
We wrapped our arms around her
and held her close, and because it was
Saturday morning and we could, we all fell
asleep a while longer, and then we woke to
make waffles and sit on our front porch to
watch the neighborhood.
Meredith and I did not create Mitike with
our bodies, and there is a certain grief to
that. But we have created this family with
our love for each other and for her. And that
makes all three of us real.•
FAMI
Recommended
Reading:
Saving
Delaney
How to create your family-and how to cope when it
doesn't go the way you planned. BY ALYSHA 00M1N1co
I did not want to read Saving Delaney.
The title conjured memories of Losing
Isaiah (and that movie makes me want to
get in the foetal position to emerge only
for Cadbury).
But as soon as I opened it, I devoured
the whole book in three sittings, free of
tears and feeling delighted to read a story
of another lesbian-parentedfamily. (I can't
say chocolate wasn't involved).
Eight years ago, my wife and I were
looking to start a family. We had a slew
of questions. We had to work hard to find
answers. We were desperate to meet
those pioneering families so we could see
what ours might end up like.
Saving Delaney not only gives you a
detailed model for how lesbian families
can be created, what they might look like,
and how your nearest and dearest might
react to the idea of you starting a family;
it also educates you about the entire
process, including the change in routes
you may inadvertently take.
One of the things I admired most about
the author's style-which is brutally honest
and explicit at times, and less detailed
than you might like at others-is that the
couple is a lot like the lesbian parents in
The Fosters.
Tough situations, like what happens
when the sperm donors who didn't want
to be involved suddenly change their
minds, abound in life. But like Stef and
Lena Adams-Foster, the main couple in
Saving Delaney gives you a glimpse of
how to keep your boundaries without
creating more conflict.
The degree to which the two women
in Saving Delaney felt compelled to
turn to internet advice makes you want
to vet all the people you're going to
have to work with before emotions get
involved. Choose your medical team
and supports-doctor, midwife, nurse,
doula-months before you ever get to
the dreaded Two Week Wait to find out
whether or not you are pregnant. And
prepare for all the horrible ways your
fertility plan could go wrong. Saving
Delaney is a tough reminder about how
fertility fades too quickly with age without
you realizing it, and how mundane and
heartbreaking it can be to go through the
process of trying to become more fertile.
The best part about the book is how it
teaches you to allow yourself to change
your mind about topics you previously
vehemently opposed.
I grew up around a handful of kids with
Down syndrome, and at 16 I believed
Down syndrome children were a gift to a
family. I wasn't a parent then, and, before
reading this book, I worried whether I
would still feel that way. You see, as a
parent, your greatest reassurance is
what's "normal." From bumped heads to
rashes, normalcy gives you relief from
the multiple anxieties you can feel while
trying to keep your progeny safe.
But for the parents whose kids don't
start out like the popular majority,
parenting can be extra terrifying. Even if
you're used to fringe life, when it comes
to your kids' health and developmental
milestones, the idea of "just like everyone
else" is attractive.
Which is why Saving Delaney is a story
that needs to be told. This couple's ability
to find greater joy and happiness in what
they feared is inspiring. If you're looking
for a story to give you an amazing model,
and leave you with a feeling of hope and
courage to create your own family-read
this book. (cleispress.com)
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
53
~amily
cnoice
Wny
Don
t Have
aDaO(
1
How one lesbian couple answers the question.
BY ALYSHA DOMINICO
Our family is unusual. My wife Vicky and I run a company out of our two homes (one a
rural retreat, the other an urban escape); we travel with toddlers frequently (for fun); oh, and
we're two moms raising two boys. Like many couples we've met, we found out that having
a baby was a process. Each time, it took two years from start to stork.
When we first tackled the woman+ woman= baby equation, we intended to be surrogates
for each other's "eggs;' but our fertility match up precluded it. Were we trying to eliminate
some of the comments we were about to face?
In the first six years of our marriage, we explored our options for parenthood. We attended
a Melbourne group called Prospective Lesbian Parents for two years. We answered all the
questions in The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth. We
raised multiple sets of foster kittens (seriously, we thought it would be a good "trial"). We
travelled for five years then moved back to Canada before starting our real journey.
Each time in the baby process we began with multiple rounds of IUI, but entered the IVF
process sooner than others. To our doctor's great shock, and despite the control drugs,
Vicky ovulated on the table during egg harvesting. We managed to save one egg-one tiny
little chance at parenthood. (He's called Bailey now.)
Six years younger than Vicky, I expected my body to be a well-stocked shelf of eggs. Not
so. We emerged from our second IVFexperience one zygote ahead (he's called Jasper now)
because I didn't get pregnant on the first round.
I'm so focused on loving my kids that I often overlook the hard work Vicky and I did to
define our family. It's easy for me to get annoyed when I'm confronted with a person who
has trouble processing the idea of lesbian parents.
For a while when she was 3, my niece would often ask, "But why does Bailey have two
moms?" Initially, the question made me uneasy. We'd spent so much time together; if she
didn't understand, what would Bailey be facing throughout his lifetime?
54
CURVE
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2016
One night at bedtime, he said, "But I don't
have a dad." My instinctual reaction was not
what I wanted it to be. Aloud, I said, "That's
right. Two women started your family. You
have a mummy and a mama:' Yet while
we continued to talk about the families we
knew, I wondered why he should already
believe we were different. "We need to
surround him with more gay families," I said
later to Vicky in frustration.
Recently, we were reading an abridged
Disney story. Lady and the Tramp go on
a date, fall in love, and start a family. A
heterosexual playbook, right? But that night
as I looked at my preschooler, I realized,
that's exactly our story too. "Just like
Mummy and Mama," I said. Never wanting
anyone to be left out, he yelled, "Yeah! And
Bailey and Jasper:'
The belief that a boy needs the attentions
of a male adult parent is deeply rooted
in my culture, even though, in the same
culture, child rearing is traditionally left to
mothers, and fathers are hands-off. Still,
I regularly hear from people who seem to
think there's wisdom in the platitude "a boy
should have a father;' because they believe
only a father can provide the following:
ROUGH PLAY. I love watching my kids play
and belly laugh with a certain moustached
friend. But they wrestle in exactly the same
way with their two moms.
SPORTS. Vicky and I have competed at the
local, provincial, and international levels in
20 sports between us.
ANATOMY LESSONS. Can males better
teach other males about their bodies? I'm
thinking of all the female GPs who do that
job better than most.
It's not uncommon for people we know
to ask, "Who's the father?" We simply say,
"Our family was started by two women,
so our children have a mummy and a
mama, instead of a mother and a father:'
If they need to understand the science,
we teach them the word "donor:' There's
no need for awkwardness: Our boys don't
have a dad because two moms started our
family. Our boys are always going to attract
attention wherever they go, because they're
handsome. Soon, Vicky and I will celebrate
10 years of marriage. We feel a responsibility
to talk about the many kinds of families
that there are now, and to help people
realize that variety is just as wonderful
as tradition.•
•
~amily
cnoice
Com
·ng
Out
Across
Cu
tures
While searching for her Korean birth mother, a daughter
fears she will be rejected because she is gay.
BY KATHY EOW
Roughly translated, my Korean name, Haeng Hee, means "happy girl."
My birth mother chose it quickly, in the short time between having me and
giving me up for adoption.
Like many of the 200,000 Korean-born children who have been adopted
by Western families since the end of the Korean War, I am searching for
my birth family, an exhausting journey that has led to an unexpected inner
conflict. If I do find her one day, I ask myself, is it worth risking my birth
mother's rejection to tell her that I'm a lesbian?
I've been through the family coming out process already. It's a rather
boring (but very positive) story, to which I credit my adoptive family's
inherent social liberalism. It was my adoptive mom, in fact, who pulled me
out of the closet in my early 20s when she unabashedly asked, "Are you a
56
CURVE
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2016
lesbian?" Then and now, my American
family unconditionally
supports me
and the wider LGBT community.
But my coming
out story still
feels incomplete.
Even though we
have never met, I feel as though I
am already concealing
my identity
from my biological
Korean family,
because accompanying
the urge to
come out is fear-fear
that they may
reject me and disappear from my
life. Again.
For all its modern technology, K-Pop,
and soap operas, Korean society is
remarkably conservative. Then again,
it should be, given that the culture
has been shaped for over 2,500 years
by Confucianism.
In the West, we
are familiar with Confucian thought
through popular aphorisms such as,
"Do unto others as you would have
them do unto you." In Korea, however,
political, social, and familial systems
are based on Confucian ideology.
Early
Confucian
philosophy
in
Korea, as it was embraced
and
disseminated by the nation's founding
fathers,
defined
acceptable
social
behavior
accordingly:
respect
for
one's elders, adherence to patriarchy
and conformity to traditional gender
roles were paramount. It was believed
that
such
behavior
maintained
personal and familial order and thus
the harmony of the nation at large.
Queerness-really
any deviation
from the confines of a traditional
binary world-is
a direct threat to
national order. There is no place for
such nonconformity
in a Confucian
society.
The comedian
Margaret
Cho introduced
this belief system
to the American public in her onewoman show I'm The One That I Want.
"Mommy know all about the gay. There
are so many gay all over the world. BUT
NOT KOREA!" she says in her signature
impersonation
of her Korean mother
reacting to her daughter's
lesbian
tendencies.
But behind the humor, real evidence
of
anti-LGBT
sentiment
abounds
in Korea. According
to the Korea
Herald, a Korean pastor proclaimed
on national television in 2012 that the
FEATURES/
country was "free of homosexuality."
More recently,
the Pew Research
Center's 2014 Global Views on Morality
survey revealed that 56 percent of
Koreans believe that homosexuality
is morally unacceptable.
And some
queer Koreans are fleeing to the U.S. in
search of what one woman describes
as "self-asylum."
Hyunjung, a queer Korean woman
now living in Boston, says, "I feel
grateful that I could find a job here,
because I left my family and friends,
as well as my secure job in Korea,
to live happily as openly gay here,
although I'm still open to my American
friends only."
Korean-American
Diana Oh is an
outspoken queer feminist and a selfdescribed
"actor, singer-songwriter,
theatre-maker"
based in New York.
She traveled to Korea last year with
her parents.
"I felt a surprising
amount
of
pressure there to be a certain way,"
she says. "Going against the grain like
I so readily do in New York City felt
scarier to do in Korea."
She felt her parents, who had
emigrated to the U.S. in 1980 were
experiencing the pressure to be in the
closet as parents of a queer woman.
If these were the only snippets I
had of the state of equality in Korea,
I might have been driven to quit the
search for my mother altogether.
But there are hopeful stories as
well, signaling a cultural shift, thanks
in part to the small but burgeoning
queer
Korean
community.
LGBT
groups, equal rights organizations like
Solidarity for LGBT Human Rights, and
the internet are galvanizing a younger
generation of Koreans to break with
their stifling traditions. The voices of
queer adoptees are boosting LGBT
awareness, too.
Leading the way for queer adoptees
is Andy Marra. In a blog post published
on the Huffington Post in 2012, Marra
shares not only her emotional reunion
with her birth mother during a trip to
Korea, but her coming out as a trans
woman as well.
"In the flurry of activity," she writes,
"my friends and I stored my luggage
containing
all my dresses, skirts,
jewelry, makeup, and heels at the
hotel. I wasn't ready to come out to
my Korean family."
After Marra spent a few intimate
days with her birth mother, something
unexpected
happened.
Her mother
became deeply curious, sensing a
secret conflict.
"What is worrying you?" her mother
wondered. "You seem worried about
something. There is something deep
in your heart that you haven't told me."
Knowing she couldn't hide from the
power of her mother's intuition, Marra
pointedly answered, "I am not a boy.
I am a girl. I am transgender." Instead
of shame or disgust, her birth mother
showered
her with
unconditional
love and acceptance, and offered an
unspoken blessing.
FA
"Her love had given me the final
affirmation
to move forward
and
become the person I was always
meant to be. I could begin the next
part of my transition," Marra says.
The greatest value of Marra's story
lies in its message of what being out
really means, and why we do it. Coming
out marks the beginning of coming
into one's true self. It is by nature a
timorous, sometimes isolating, maybe
even ugly process. But there is dignity
in honest living.
If there is to be any disappointment
when I meet my Korean mother, it will
be in choosing not to show her the
peace I have found through embracing
my lesbian identity. The real shame
would be to hide from my birth mother
the "happy girl" she once hoped
I'd become.•
Recommended
Reading:
When
Your
Child
IsGay
A new book for moms and dads of queer kids.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
When I came out, my mom disowned
me. I wish there'd been a book then to
enlighten her on why my identity was
valid and needed to be accepted instead
of ridiculed and reviled. Coming out can
be traumatic, and even if the parents are
accepting and already know, it's bound to
be emotional for both parents and child.
When Your Child Is Gay is essential reading
for those coming out and for those
being come out to. Gay rights blogger
Wesley C. Davidson and NYC-based
psychiatrist Dr. Jonathan Tobkes provide
a road map to navigate the blockades,
detours, and wrong turns caused by
unexpected feelings and assumptions
in the coming out process. Real life case
studies, interviews, and action plans help
to comprise a positive guide that can
prevent self-harm, promote self-esteem,
and stop a family from imploding like
mine did. (sterlingpublishing.com)
l
lD
GAY
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
57
~amily
cnoice
House
oflove
Meet the lesbians who make up Canada's gayest family.
BY YNDSEY D'ARCANGELO
Few things in this world are more entertaining than having lunch at a
joint called Buzzy's with a group of lesbians dubbed "Canada's Gayest
Family." The women at the table-aged
16 to 77-belly laugh, joke, bicker,
snicker, roll their eyes, giggle, and tell tall tales as they sip drinks and
snack on chicken wings and slices of pizza. It feels like sitting in on the
taping of a reality TV show, getting to know them while taking part in their
conversation and laughter, digs, and all.
Coincidentally,
Karen Ford has already pitched the reality show idea
about her family to VJ.com. The site, owned by famed producer Michael
58
CURVE
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2016
Rosenbaum, is an online boot camp of
sorts for aspiring video journalists and
television
show producers.
Karen's
story caught Rosenbaum's eye. Even
he thinks Canada's Gayest Family
should be on TLC.
In the meantime,
Karen is busy
making the rounds on social media.
For those who aren't able to meet
Canada's Gayest Family in person,
their Facebook page is the next best
thing. It's full of pictures, updates, and
YouTube videos highlighting topics as
different as prejudice, insemination,
and religion. Their hilarious home
movies include family dinners and
dancing grandmas.
The entire family lives in the same
neighborhood in Barrie, Ontario. They
walk to each other's houses, barbecue
together,
and take part in holiday
celebrations.
Karen likes to describe this family
as "unusually normal." Karen's mother,
Linda (who was once married to
Karen's father before realizing she
was gay) and her partner, Jan, are
the matriarchs. Next comes Karen's
current partner, Cathy. Shawnee is
Karen and Cathy's adopted child. At
16, she is the youngest lesbian in the
family. Karen was once together with
Anna and they had a child togetherMadison-before
they split up. Anna is
now with Tracy.
Got it?
Madison, 20, is the only straight one
in the bunch, and, according to Karen,
she is the nucleus of the family. "There
is no one in this world who appreciates
my moms and grandmas as much as
I do," Madison says. "I don't mean to
brag, but growing
up surrounded
by this group of strong, successful,
intelligent,
hilarious, supportive, and
loving women has been an absolute
dream."
It's not hard to see why. As the
lunch conversation
swings rapidly
around the table, everyone is more than
willing to be heard. We talk about the
origins of the family. Linda searches her
memory as she describes life before
she came out.
"I knew [I was gay] even while I was
married for 14 years," Linda says. "But
I never acted on it. I wasn't strong
enough. And then I met a woman."
Linda's marriage to Karen's father
ended shortly after that, she says.
Still, Linda kept her sexuality hidden
from Karen and her sister, Kelly, even
after Karen came out to her. Strangely
enough,
they
would
often
find
themselves at the same lesbian bar in
town. Finally, they decided to go out
to dinner and talk about it. Afterward,
Karen says, things were golden.
Jan, 77, came into the picture later
on. The Australian native says she and
Linda felt something
click the first
time they went out on a "formal" date.
They've been together ever since, and
it's been over 23 years.
I know. It's hard to listen to the story
of how Canada's Gayest Family came
about without being a little confused
now and again. But as the dust settles
and the pieces of the puzzle come
together, the whole picture makes
perfect sense. This is a family like any
other. They've been through ups and
downs, arguments
and squabbles,
triumphs and tragedies. Though their
sexuality may be the thread that ties
them all together, it's not the crux of
their bond. Love is.
"We're all really, really different,"
Karen explains. "But the things that
are important to us are all the same.
We're caring,
understanding,
and
compassionate people. "
"It's a great world to be living
in now," adds Linda, who couldn't
possibly fathom what her family would
become back when she was married
to a man. "Thinking back on it now,
where would I be?"
Everyone else chimes in to answer
the question for her. They talk over
each other, point and laugh. To them,
it's just an average conversation at the
table on a regular afternoon.
Maybe someday soon you'll catch
Canada's Gayest Family on television.
Having sat in on it live, I can guarantee
it will be one of the few reality shows
worth watching.•
SIGN
UP
TODAY
ON
CURVEMAG.COM
~amilyCnoice
Why did you found the California
of
Tne
M1cnae
aMenOe
sonn
How a married man with a wife and three kids transitioned
in 2008, became a lesbian-identified woman, an LGBT
activist, a public speaker, and recently, a mom-and made
the world better for trans youth and trans job searchers.
BY MARCIE BIANCO
Transgender Workplace Program?
I own a group of restaurants and four
years ago we hired our first "out" trans
employee. When she told me her story of
how she was forced to use the men's room,
which resulted in her being molested, I
realized how difficult it is for trans people
in the workplace. When we put the word
out that we were a welcoming place for
transgender job seekers, we found many
hardworking, talented people were looking
for jobs and being turned down because
they were trans. Since then, about 8 percent
of our employees have been transgender.
That first employee is now the general
manager of our top restaurant. Having an
equal footing in the workplace leads to
greater opportunities and broadens the
vision of trans people who are trying to
survive.
You were a consultant for Laverne Cox's
character on Orange Is the New Black.
When I met with the creator Jenji Kohan
and her writing team, I told them I wanted
no compensation or credits for my help.
Instead, I asked two things. First, get
the character right and not the negative
stereotypes which were most often
portrayed in Hollywood. Second, hire a
trans actress. I knew Jenji was gong to do
whatever she wanted for her new show. But
to her credit she did both, and it turned out
great for our community. Laverne is such a
good example for others to follow.
Describe your life before transitioning.
Congratulations on becoming one of the first transgender board members of The
Trevor Project.
The Trevor Project has an amazing team dedicated to preventing and ending suicide
among LGBTQyouth. This includes crisis counseling, education and advocacy. Nearly
half of our crisis calls are from trans youth and suicide is at an all time high. My chief
mission is to expand our reach to the trans community with an understanding of their
unique issues and needs.
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2016
When I grew up, the word 'transgender'
was not even being used. There was no
internet or talk shows to help me understand
what I was feeling. In retrospect, there were
always signs. I would wear my older sister's
clothes in private when I was 7 years old.
And my best friend was usually a girl with
whom I could better identify. I went through
a lifetime of suppression, finding ways to
act out my fantasies without my family
knowing. I compartmentalized what I was
doing so I could get on with my very busy
life raising a family, building businesses and
participating in various sports. Eventually
this did not work any more and a lifetime of
suppression caught up with me. I became
sick emotionally and physically and had
mostly given up on my life until I decided I
had to explore my gender issues. Once did
that, most of my symptoms went away. I
FEATURES/
also had to deal with embarrassment and
fear that their own world would be turned
upside down. Becauseof this, I found myself
out on my own, separated from those I
loved. It was only when I realized that their
loss was even greater than my own that we
were able to reconcile and become close
again. I now have a wonderful new family
with my partner Carmel and our 2-year-old
son Isadore. Both families are close with
each other. This is nothing short of a miracle.
For this I am profoundly grateful. I am a very
fortunate woman.
When did you identify as a lesbian?
I had bisexual tendencies before my
transition and have tried casual relationships
with men. I found however, that I feel more
comfortable in a relationship with a woman
and I now identify as a lesbian. When I met
my current partner, Carmel, I had come
out of a six-month lesbian relationship with
a woman I had been living with. Carmel
and I met on a site for lesbian and gay
vegans. We hit it off on a lunch date and
things progressed from there. I did not
consciously seek to make inroads into the
lesbian community. It happened pretty
organically through my relationship with
Carmel, through my advocacy and through
my stepsister, Michelle Kort, who was very
connected and well-known.
Did you alwaysfeel likea woman?
I over compensated in my role as a
successful macho male, but this other part
of me was always there in every situation I
encountered. When I first transitioned, I tried
to be the perfect woman in everythingthe way I dressed, hair and makeup, and
in all my mannerisms. I even attempted to
control my thoughts! I was not very happy.
I had created a new box to fit in, possibly
worse than the first one. It took a few years,
but I've learned to be me, accepting all parts
of myself without judgment. What makes a
woman? It's certainly not what we see on
billboards and in magazines. I'm finding it's
much deeper than that.
Any wordsthat can help cisgenderfolks
understandtrans issuesbetter?
For every trans person, there is a unique
story. I stand in front of large groups of
FA
people every chance I get (400 times over
the past four years). When I open up about
my own story and give them a chance to
know me, I find it really opens hearts and
minds. Many trans men and women are
telling their stories now. It's not all about the
trans celebrities, though they have helped
the "T" come out of the closet. There is still
so much ignorance, but that will change
over time. Transgender will at some point
become an outdated term. I have met so
many young people who identify as "gender
nonconforming." I love that, because it is so
freeing.
Where do you stand with family now?
There was a time I thought we'd never get
past our pain, but it's happening. There is a
lot of love left in this family and it's brought
us back together. It's not perfect but it's
real and very special for me. I hope it is
for each of them as well. We need to hear
more stories about the families of those
who transitioned. It affects each person in
a profound way. For each transition story
there are usually a dozen others to be told
by families and close friends.•
The Florida Keys
Key~st
Close To Perfect • fc::1r
from Norm<.11
MONraCOUNrYTOURISTDfVfLOPMENTCOUNCIL
gaykeywestfl.com (305)294-4603
11facebook.com/gaykeywestfl
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
61
IISMIEULf1~i1JiR
~s:r()N;
.curvema
FEATUREStCOVER
ST
I
n 2013, we got a little bit "Closer" to superduo Tegan
and Sara thanks to Heartthrob, their supercatchy hit
pop album.
Three years later, the twin sisters have delivered
an even more enjoyable experience with Love You
to Death. Their eighth studio album, Love You to Death
weaves a tapestry of the sisters' relationships-with
previous and current lovers, with friends, and with each
other. The "you" of the title is ubiquitous and anonymous
throughout the 10-track record, appearing in song titles
like "B/W/U" (Be With You) and "U-Turn." The "you" is a
composite; it's everyone, including you.
"We love Curve," Tegan says with excitement at the
beginning of our phone interview. Both she and Sara glow
with pride when they recall being on the cover not just
once or twice-this
issue marks the fourth time they've
graced the cover. "We're grateful for the covers, and
we're grateful for support from the queer community in
general," Sara says. "At times, it can be challenging to
be a visible minority, because sometimes people have
expectations of you," she comments. "You don't want
people to feel like you're the only representation for them.
Our fan base, which has followed us over the years, has
changed and evolved, but overall we still have a really
strong, central queer fan base."
Like all their albums, Love You to Death tells a story.
"Each record is a chapter in the story of Tegan and Sara,"
Sara says. Each one is "like a memoir," she continues. "I
love the idea of telling a story with a record. I think that
with us, 10 songs, or 35 minutes, is a good amount of time
to tell the next part of our story."
This time around, the story begins with the first single,
"Boyfriend," which, Tegan confesses, is one of Sara's
songs about falling in love with a straight girl. The chorus
echoes the heartache of countless queer women who
have been through the same cycle:
YOU
TREAT ME LIKE
YOUR BOYFRIEND
AND TRUST ME LIKE A .•• LIKE
A VERY BEST FRIEND
YOU KISS ME LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND
YOU CALL ME UP LIKE YOU WANT
YOUR BEST FRIEND
YOU TURN ME ON LIKE YOU WANT
YOUR BOYFRIEND
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE
YOUR SECRET
ANYMORE
64
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JUL/AUG
2016
The day the Quin sisters chatted with Curve is the
day they released a pointedly tongue-in-cheek video
for "Boyfriend." They called on some rad queer women
to help out: Clea Duvall, who has been friends with the
Quins for about 10 years, directed the video. "We trust
Clea's eyes and her vision," Tegan says. Designer Rachel
Antonoff (sister of musician Jack Antonoff) was the
creative director. "We've been talking a lot about hiring
as many women and LGBT people as possible ... and with
Clea and Rachel came this incredible all-female camera
team, and I'd say about 80 percent of those working
on the set were female-it
was an incredible creative
environment to be in!"
Tegan and Sara have spent over half their lives
performing together in a band. They are 35 now, but
began playing together at age 15. At 17,the Calgary-native
Canadians won a college battle of the bands and caught
the eye of the Canadian music industry. Two years later,
the twins signed with Vapor Records, the label founded
by Neil Young and his longtime manager, Elliot Roberts.
The centerpiece of their lyrics has always been love and
relationships. When asked about how their lyrics about
love have changed over a 20-year period, Sara laughs and
says she's been thinking about this recently, too. "Right
now, we're reworking live shows, and, now, as a 35-yearold adult, going back and singing songs we wrote when
we were, like, 22, or even younger, the blend of emotions
can be confusing," she explains. Reliving old songs is
the equivalent of reliving old memories-and with them
comes the recognition that you are no longer the same
person you once were.
"What I realize more and more is that I don't know if
our songs are as much about love as they are about
relationships and the evolving ideas and experiences
around those relationships," Sara continues. "I still think
of myself as being somewhat exploratory and somewhat,
like, [this is] what relationships are and what they mean to
me and how to get through them and navigate them ....
Now I have a little bit more peace and balance in my life,
and that allows even more space to further evaluate or
even think about past relationships and new relationships,
or just the nature of love and relationships in general. A
lot of this record came from a place of calm. I wasn't in
distress or feeling like I was going through a breakup, and
I wasn't having some of the drama that inspired my music
in the past."
Sorry to burst the fantasies of a thousand queer women,
but this album isn't a kiss-and-tell-all about Sara and
Tegan's romantic relationships. "This is a pretty vulnerable
record for me," reveals Tegan, "only because I was writing
about two important relationships that are now over ... [but]
this record isn't about them. It's about me, and I want to
be very careful about how I talk about those relationships,
because I care deeply about those people and I'm not
using them to sell records. I'm using myself." So what is
their dating status now? Sara was dating someone new
while writing Love You to Death, but she's no longer with
FEATUREStCOVER
that person, and is dating someone else. Tegan is also
dating, but it's "very, very new. But we'll say that in the
last six months I can see it sticking." But don't get ready to
throw the rice just yet. If you listen to the lyrics of "B/W/U,"
you'll hear Sara "declaring she's not going to get married,"
says Tegan. While that song expresses Sara's own feelings,
Tegan admits it's a sentiment that she can also relate to.
And for those of you content with visions of the lesbian
twins, unmarried but together, it might come as a surprise
to find out that for most of their career the Quins rarely
wrote music in the same room. In fact, until last year, when
Sara moved to Vancouver (and, conveniently, to the same
neighborhood as her sister), they would use the magic
of the internet to collaborate during the writing process.
"Technology, and just the nature of our songwriting, has
made living on different coasts totally acceptable," Sara
concisely puts it. "In the past," Tegan explains, "when we
ST
were preparing a record, we would send songs back and
forth, and I would get the shape of the song and send it to
Sara, and she would give comments, and then we would
just do that back and forth. Then, when it's time to record,
one of us would displace herself and live in the same city
as the producer." Instead of feeling cramped by their
newfound proximity, Tegan finds relief. "This time we live
in the same city. We still wrote in the same way-sending
music back and forth-but
then we'd go have dinner. It
took a lot of the stress off. It allowed us to take longer to
write. And, it allowed us to take longer to record, so we
were able to really hone certain things. We collaborated
on almost every song. It just gave us more freedom."
Love You to Death marks a certain level of sophistication,
awareness, and maturity for the Quins. "I don't really
subscribe to the idea that you have to be traumatized,
or be having a really shitty experience, or be broke and
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struggling, or unsuccessful or ignored, to make your
best music," says Sara. "Different people have different
motivations. I know that for myself, this was one of the
most balanced periods of my life to write a record in. I felt
like I had a prolific splurge because I was sort of anchored
and really calm.
"I was able to let myself go a little further out into the
place where I could explore things and be thinking about
things. I think that sometimes when you're suffering that
can be a really vibrant place to write from, but it can also
be very surface-you know, like, This is what's happening
right now! I feel like this record is a little more reflective,
and that's exciting to me because I feel like it's a different
place to be writing from."
For many artists, whether or not they're musicians,
emotional distance is imperative to the creative act. Sara
elaborates: "When you're writing about things from a
distance, your memories and your reimagining of them
are sometimes more interesting than how they actually
happened."
With age, Sara believes that their songwriting skillslike wine-have improved. The lyrics for Love You to Death
are full of complexity and depth, to the point that on this
album, perhaps for the first time, Tegan and Sara explore
the dynamics of their own siblinghood without remorse.
For example, the heartbreaking piano ballad "100x"
revisits the darker times in their relationship. It's quite a
feat to blend sibling love and work.
"There's just a risk in being in a band with your sibling,"
Tegan admits. "Because there's this volatility that's hard to
explain. People say, 'Oh, I could never be in a band with
my sibling.' But we didn't have a choice. We just were."
Perhaps referring to "White Knuckles" or "100x" she says,
"There were insanely awful periods when I truly didn't
I FEEL LIKE THERE'S A
FIXATION ON OUR
RELATIONSHIP. THERE'S
A FIXATION ON US BEING
GAY. AND WHAT'S
INTERESTING IS THAT
WHEN YOU TAKE AWAY US
BEING GAY AND YOU TAKE
AWAY US BEING SISTERS,
WOULD THE MUSIC BE AS
MEMORABLE OR
IMPORTANT?
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want to be in the band, or Sara didn't, and one of us
didn't like the choices the other one was making. And,
yes, there was a risk in writing about it." When was this
rough patch in their relationship? "It didn't happen last
year," reveals Tegan. "It happened in a period of time that
is six, seven years old ... It was a really fucking awful time."
A time commemorated, perhaps, in the lyrics:
I NEED OUT ON
MYOWN
I DON'T WANT TO
LIVE THIS WAY,
I TOLD YOU ... I
NEEDED OUT, AND I
I SWEAR I TRIED TO
LEAVE YOU,
AT LEAST 100
TIMESA DAY.
While the autobiographical elements in Tegan and
Sara's music are apparent, it would be a mistake to reduce
their music to autobiography. The songs often deal with
love and desire, states that reveal a raw emotional truth.
For example, "Stop Desire" is about the early stages of
attraction, when sparks fly. Tegan explains, "For me, the
song is about that uncontrollable [urge]. .. It's bungee
jumping. You cannot stop mid-jump. It's done, dude. You
jumped. The sort of train car of desire. 'Back against the
wall.' I got us here, you can trust me. Don't abandon ship
here, it's worth it."
This honesty extends to the sisters' onstage presence,
which is not a persona, says Tegan. "We are ourselves. We
are truly us." But, she confesses, she feels some frustration
that critics have labeled the honesty in their creative
output reductively-calling
it "girl music" or "chick
music" or "gay music." "I found it so condescending and
patronizing when I was young, when people were, like, 'Is
this in your diary?'" says Tegan. "I don't write in a diary!"
She pauses for a moment to reflect: "I feel like there's a
fixation on our relationship. There's a fixation on us being
gay. And what's interesting is that when you take away us
being gay, and you take away us being sisters, would the
music be as memorable or important? I don't know."
While Tegan and Sara now have the kind of career
longevity that invites rumination and analysis, mostly
they revel in the simplicity of just playing the music. "I
feel pretty blue-collar about what we do," says Sara. "I
love playing music. It's a thrill to me that we can still tour
FEATUREStCOVER
ONE THING I WILL SAY IS
THAT I REALLY WON'T MAKE
EXCUSES FOR OUR
AMBITION OR OUR DESIRE
TO BE MORE COMMERCIAL
OR TO HAVE MORE THINGS
ACCESSIBLE TO US.
AND I LIKE IT THAT THAT'S
OK IN POP MUSIC.
ST
and put out records and videos, and the fact that we're 35
and still making albums feels very cool, and I just mostly
feel humbled by it. And I feel like if we disappear off the
planet tomorrow, I don't know if people will still be listening
to us in 15 years. And you know what? I don't really care.
The most important thing to me is that while we're around
we sort of do our best to be good people and to be good
advocates and to speak out about things we care about."
Tegan completely concurs. "Tegan and Sara is about
more than just Tegan and Sara," she says, noting that the
band employs nearly two dozen people, and that they are
invested in advocating for societal issues pertaining to
women's rights and LGBT equality.
But make no mistake about the Quins' ambitionsomething they've taken flak for in recent years, with
some fans and critics deriding their move into pop, most
notably with Heartthrob. "I didn't wake up one day and say
to Tegan, 'I think we should make a pop record,' Sara says.
"One thing I will say is that I really won't make excuses for
our ambition or our desire to be more commercial or to
have more things accessible to us. And I like it that that's
OK in pop music."
There's an ongoing queer sensibility that decries success
as "mainstreaming," as "selling out." It's an easy-and
misogynistic-way to keep women down. When speaking
about it with Curve, Sara passionately talks about her
childhood: "I grew up with a mom who was a single parent
and going back to school and was bettering herself, and
that upward mobility was really celebrated. In most fields
you wouldn't have people talking about selling out."
"We make records. We're still as DIY as we were when we
were 15 years old ... We have not changed. The infrastructure
around us makes our lives easier, and it makes us able
to have lives."
Seventeen years ago, at the hardscrabble beginnings of
their career, Sara recalls thinking, This has got to get easier.
We must become more successful, or else I'll quit. "I was
not one of those people who was like, 'In the name of art I'll
suffer forever.' No. I was like, 'I don't want to suffer forever.' I
suffered for seven years ... I remember thinking, I don't care
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if people think we sold out. I'm tired of sitting in a van with
eight dudes and a cage full of gear in the back. I don't give
a shit. If it's selling out then sign me up."
She and Tegan began exploring pop sounds and
rhythms in 2008, much earlier than Heartthrob, because
they "had just grown a little tired of guitars and indie
rock." The move was in large part to take full control of
the band's music. "I started to feel like I'm interested
in the tools that are at my fingertips. I'm not relying on
hiring a drummer to come in and play drum parts and me
try to explain what I want," says Sara.
Tegan articulated this move into pop similarly: "We
added the keyboard in 2004 and fans were super upsetbut we were just so much better at writing shit down than
at guitar.'' She describes how she and her sister would
have to rely on "six dudes coming in and playing guitar
the way we were begging them to," which made them
feel that they were not "capable of creating the songs
ourselves.'' With Love You to Death, Tegan asserts, "We
just stepped more into what we are."
At age 35, the sisters are in charge of their lives and
their music, which is noticeable in the complexity of their
lyrics, the boldness of their sound, and the confidence
of their voices. "We are more Tegan and Sara than ever
before." (teganandsara.com) •
70WESTCOAST ODYSSEY
74RIVIERAMAYALUXURY
74
R SUMMER'S M OST
curve
OMANTIC ROOMS
SAN
FRANCISC
~LAVA
DEL
CA~~~~AS
VEGAS
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201 6
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AIMINGHIGH
IN
SANFRANOISCO
San Francisco, West Hollywood, LA, Palm Springs, and New York are places where you
would expect active lesbian communities. The shortage of visible lesbian bars and
cafes might give the illusion that our communities are falling apart in these areas. But
the opposite is happening. Powerful leaders have emerged and are changing things
for the better. We might not have the 'L tattooed on our foreheads anymore, but our
integration into mainstream society is a reality today, especially on the West Coast.
BY SILKE BADER
San Francisco, the original home of
Curve, isalsothe birthplace of Olivia Travel,
Out & Equal, and many other lesbianowned and operated businesses. Olivia
and Curve have served our community
for 25 and 40 years respectively, and we
are pleased to work together and create
positive and longstanding synergy.
Curve was a media partner at Out &
Equal's Gala Event in March 2016, at which
Out & Equal celebrated their 20 year
anniversary. The corporate landscape
was very different then.
Today, a company like PayPalcan punish
a state government for its discriminatory
laws, which shows the extent to which
corporate attitudes have changed. Out &
Equal's work in shaping the future of the
LGBT workplace has paid off. Corporate
sponsors are plentiful, diversity is the new
black, and organizations such as Out &
Equal keep the equality at the forefront of
the corporate sector.
STAY AT HOTEL ZETTA
The consciously hip, 116-room Hotel
Zetta is pure City by the Bay. With all
the latest tech gadgets, works by local
artists, and a lively lobby cafe-bar, it is
well positioned for leisure or business
travel. The eight-story
hotel, which
opened in February 2013, is in the South
of Market district downtown, close to
Union Square (for shopping) and the
Powell Street cable car. The rooms are
comfortable and the location is very
convenient. Rooms start from $304.
(hotelzetta .com)
VISIT THE RAINBOW HONOR WALK
IN THE CASTRO
There is so much to do when visiting
San Francisco, but one of my favourite
things is the Rainbow Honor Walk. It's an
easy tour that takes in 20 three-by-three
foot bronze plaques embedded in the
sidewalk along Castro Street in honor of
the groundbreaking achievements made
by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender
community members. It's a diverse list
of people, and it's a pleasure to follow in
the footsteps of those who came before
us and who helped to create our diverse
community.
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IT'STIME
FOR
WESTHOLLYWOOD
West Hollywood (aka WeHo) is one of LA's top neighborhoods, from famed streets like Sunset
and Robertson Boulevards to its vibrant gay community. WeHo is home to Southern California's
largest LGBT community, and is the site of the annual Gay Pride Parade in June. The Sunset
Strip has it all, including entertainment venues like the House of Blues and the Comedy Store,
the lively Saddle Ranch Chop House and fine dining at Herringbone. The Abbey is the most
famous of WeHo's numerous bars and clubs, mainly located on Santa Monica Boulevard.
BY SILKE BADER
STAY AT THE MONDRIAN
This 4.5-star luxury boutique hotel,
situated in romantic West Hollywood,
is conveniently located on the Sunset
Strip. The lobby's unique style continues
through its rooms and facilities: quirky,
hip and modern ... True to today's LA style.
It's in the details that this hotel differs,
including a doorbell in your room, a
hidden TV in the mirror, or 100 small wall
hooks in the bathroom. This is an awesome
hotel. The staff are highly trained, it has
a central location and is great value for
its aesthetic appeal. Rooms from $339.
(morga nshotelg rou p.com)
DO L.A. IN A DAY
Rated on Tripadvisor as LA's #1 Outdoor
Activity, Bikes and Hikes (bikesandhikesla.
com) offers guided biking and hiking
tours all over LA. LA in a Day Bike
Adventure is the most popular full-day
bike tour. See the city in its entirety over
this 32 mile, one-of-a-kind ride. Since
2010, Bikes and Hikes LA has shown
Los Angeles up close and personal to
thousands of guests, all in an eco-friendly,
health conscious way. Bikes and Hikes is a
major supporter of AIDS Lifecycle.
Begin on legendary Route 66 in West
Hollywood and bike through Beverly Hills
and Bel-Air to see the incredible palaces
the movie stars call home. Then you're
off to LA's world famous beach towns:
Santa Monica, Venice and Marina Del
Rey. Afterwards, you'll pedal through
Culver City to see some of the historic
movie studios that put the City of Angels
on the map.
This 32-mile, 6-hour excursion is
"bucket list" worthy and leaves no site
unseen. With several breaks including
lunch on the beach and a walking tour
along the way, there's time to rest and truly
enjoy the best of Los Angeles. Get ready
to burn some calories and experience
LA up close and personal. Fitness
Level: Moderate to mildly challenging.
Some hills but nothing to worry about
(it's called Beverly Hills for a reason).
Average fitness level required. You must
be comfortable on a bike. Rate: $162pp.
(visitwesthollywood.com)
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DESJERT
GliORY
Thisdesert oasisis a Hollywood playground;a centralgathering spot for modern architecturaldesign
aficionados,musiciansand artistsdrawn by nature'sinspiration,and an increasingcrowd of cool-seekers.
Recently,the GreaterPalmSpringsAreaenjoyeda renaissance,re-discoveredin record numbers by tourists
of allages.Itsyear-roundseason,its SouthernCalifornia"easydrive" locationand its unique 350-daysa-yearsunnywarm climate make it appealingto relaxationseekersfrom around the world. The colors
are enhanced by the desert light,and the livingis easy.Nestledat the baseof the majesticSanJacinto
Mountains,the PalmSpringsis alsothe ancestralhome of the Agua CalienteBandof CahuillaIndians.
BYSILKEBADER
VISIT PALM CANYON
Fifteen miles long, Palm Canyon is one
of the areas of great beauty. Its indigenous
flora and fauna, which the Cahuilla people
so expertly used, and its abundant
Washingtonia filifera (California Fan Palm)
are breathtaking contrasts to the stark
rocky gorges and barren desert lands
beyond. Palm Canyon is only a 10-minute
drive from town centre and offers many
different hikes from 30 minutes to 8 hours
long. It's a spiritual place-here, tracks
have been walked on for over 4000 years.
(indian-canyons.com)
TAKE THE AERIAL TRANWAY
Ascend two-and-one-half miles to a
pristine wilderness aboard the world's
largest rotating tramcar. The Palm Springs
Aerial Tramway travels this great distance
along the breathtaking cliffs of Chino
Canyon, transporting riders to the natural
wonders of the Mt. San Jacinto State
Park. During the approximately 10-minute
journey, tramcars rotate slowly, offering
picturesque and spectacular vistas of
the valley floor below. Once you reach
the Mountain Station at elevation 8,516
feet, enjoy over 50 miles of hiking trails,
two restaurants, observation decks, a
natural history museum, two documentary
theaters and a gift shop. (pstramway.com)
LIVE LIKE A LOCAL
There are nice hotels in Palm Springs,
but for something different and to feel
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more like a local, book a fully-furnished,
luxury turn-key vacation home or condo,
available for rent by the week, month or
weekend. (vacation pa Imspri ngs.com)
EATING OUT
EIGHT4NINE
(eight4nine.com)
is
a superb dining destination in Palm
Springs. Previously the Palm Springs
Post Office, this expansive space
features various distinct areas for dining
and offers a selection of private dining
rooms. This is just an amazing place.
The atmosphere is so relaxing, but at
the same time you feel elegant and
pampered by the excellent service and
attention to detail. The cuisine offers
fine and balanced flavours inspired by
Latin and southwest cuisines. The dishes
are freshly made featuring coastal
items, salads, seafood, farm staples,
four course meals, and desserts. My
recommendations:
Lobster Roll (soft
grilled bun, Maine lobster (with tarragon
aioli, celery and lemon) and for dessert,
the Cardamom Peach Creme Brulee.
(visitpalmsprings.com)
FIRSTTIME
IN
VEGAS
When planning a trip to Las Vegas, one might come across
dozens of expired lists of things to do on your first time in Sin
City. If you're looking to hit everything you need to hit during your
first trip to Las Vegas, whether that be for a 21st, anniversary or
wedding, consider this the start of your checklist.
BYSILKE BADER
vegetables, wasabi and sweet soy glaze,
lobster meat and of course, Emeril's New
Orleans succulent shrimp, bathed in a
barbecue sauce and served with a rosemary
biscuit. The stars of the show at our meal
were oysters on the half shell with cocktail
and champagne mignonette sauces, the
kind guaranteed to make this jaded traveller
sigh. The scallops, in contrast, danced. Large
pieces on the plate were impeccably panseared and then baked to bring out their silky
texture.
Staff members who are professional,
friendly, knowledgeable and smile at you
until you walk out the door increase the
pleasure of the meal even more.
For over two decades Emeril's New
Orleans Fish House has been one of the
most consistent and loved restaurants
in Las Vegas. It's time to celebrate this
destination's longevity with a return visit.
(emerilsrestaurants.com)
STAY AT THE LUXOR HOTEL & CASINO
EATING OUT
This Egypt-themed 3-star casino resort on
the south end of the Strip is housed in a
30-story pyramid topped with a 315,000watt light beam. Standard rooms have
traditional furnishings, flat-screen TVs,
and WiFi. Suites offer soaking tubs and
separate sitting rooms; some have wet
bars. Pyramid rooms and suites have
slanted walls. (luxor.com)
Las Vegas is known for its cuisine:
seafood, steak, Italian, Greek or whatever
you desire. It's a tough choice, but here are
two places we can recommend:
GETTING AROUND VIA LIMOUSINE
Our pick: Presidential Limousine. A great
option for smaller groups and couples who
want the luxury of a classic stretch limo.
The limousines are equipped with a DVD/
LCD entertainment unit and stereo with
CD player. It's a lot of fun and if the cost
is shared between the group it becomes
more affordable. Think of limousines as the
taxis of Las Vegas! Presidential Limousines
also offer extra touches such as water and
you might even like them to arrange a
bottle of chilled champagne to celebrate.
(presidentiallimolv.com)
l
6THINGSTO
DO IN LESS
THAN 48 HOURS
DAY 1
THETENDERSTEAKANDSEAFOOD
Some of the best meats and seafood are
flown in daily from around the world. Located
within the Luxor Hotel, the experience is
superb, the service outstanding and the
food memorable. What made this restaurant
stand out was that it serves organic certified
meat and sustainable obtained seafood. The
atmosphere is sophisticated with gracious
furniture, two dedicated waiters per table.
If you want to forget the slot machines and
neon signs - this is the place to go. Your
senses can focus on the food, and they
won't be disappointed. (luxor.com)
EMERIL'SNEW ORLEANS FISH HOUSE
It's difficult to choose what to eat. The
Seafood Platter is a cavalcade of greatest
hits: Tempura fried salmon roll with pickled
5:30PM Dinner at The Tender Steak and
Seafood (located at LUXOR)
8:00PM
Drinks at Delmonico at The
Venetian (emerilsrestaurants.
com/delmonico-steakhouse)
10:00PM Gondola ride at The Venetian
(venetian.com)
DAY2
10:00AM Madame Tussauds
(madametussauds.com)
12:30PM Lunch at Emeril's New Orleans
Fish House at MGM Grand
9:00PM VEGAS! The Show at the V
Theater (vegastheshow.com)
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ROMANTICROOMS
From Playa Del Carmen to Byron Bay-you'll never
want to check out of these properties.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
BELMOND MAROMA RESORT & SPA,
PLAYA DEL CARMEN
The Riviera Maya is a favorite playground
for snowbirds seeking to thaw out in sugar-
white sand, turquoise waters, and abundant
sunshine. Once you land in Cancun, your
choices for accommodation, all-inclusive
and otherwise, are as abundant as the
Yucatan Peninsula's beauty. But if you want
an exclusive and upmarket stay, where
the guests around you value their privacy
and conduct themselves in a discerning
manner, you cannot go past Belmond
Maroma Resort & Spa, a 20-minute
drive from Cancun. Conceived on a
grand scale, this is a tranquil oceanfront
acreage designed as both an homage to
the Mayan jungle village that once stood
there and as a magnet for luxury-seeking
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travelers. Belmond Maroma has the scale
of a 5-star resort, but the low key and ecofriendly design contributes to the feeling
of a private oasis. Three large pools are
discretely positioned within the property's
grounds, and the grand Spanish Colonial
lobby, decorated with bold and original
artworks, feels more like it belong in a
Mexican magnate's mansion than in a
brand name hotel.
Depending on your budget, you have a
choice of suites, each with its own style.
This is not a cookie cutter property. Each
room is designed to resonate with its
individual guests. I fell in love with my onebedroom suite, especially its oceanfront
balcony where I could gaze at the azure
horizon. At sundown I'd take a beer onto
my terrace or recline in my private plunge
pool, or on my hammock. Now that's
living! If you're lucky enough to snap up
one of those suites, you'll never want to
leave. But of course, the beach beckons,
and Belmond Maroma boasts its own
private beach. It is so exclusive that there
are always more chaises and umbrellas on
the sand than guests, and a server to greet
you and fetch the beverage of your choice.
Belmond Maroma has many offerings to
draw you away from your sweet suite, such
as yoga beneath a soaring palapa, or an
exquisite massage from a dedicated and
professional therapist in a transcendental
Mayan setting. The spa treatments
incorporate herbs grown at the spa, and
natural and locally made ingredients with
remedial properties such as honey from
indigenous bees, which are carefully
tended by the female spa attendants.
The homemade hive is one way of
acknowledging the matriarchal society of
the Mayans, and also contributing to the
wellbeing of the environment. While you
are in the spa, visit the gift shop and pick
up a bottle of herbal potion to assist you
in attracting love or making your dreams
come true!
We'd be remiss not to mention the
plentiful dining options on property.
They are so good you need never
leave, not even to experience the
cosmopolitan hustle and bustle of Playa
Del Carmen, only 15 minutes away.
While at Belmond Maroma Resort &
Spa we sampled delectable homemade
tortillas for breakfast, and pancakes
made with local honey and chocolate.
For a really exquisite lunch, take part in
Chef Gabriel's cooking classes on the
beach where you might try dishes such
as freshly prepared guacamole, locally
caught prawns in green chilies, or sofresh-it's-still-swimming
red snapper,
blackened with mole spices-and
to
drink, a healthy lime margarita with chia
seeds! Don't be shy, and try those smokycrispy little grasshopper
appetizers.
They are delish and sustainable.
Both El Restaurante for breakfast,
and El Sol Tapas & Restaurant for date
night dining, serve the most authentic,
top quality Mexican food using locally
sourced organic ingredients. For a fun
and raucous treat, book out La Cantina
or join with other guests for the Chef's
Table of specially selected street food
paired with robust and revelatory tequila
and mezcal shooters. You'll be surprised
how much you can learn about the
noble art of turning agave into alcoholwhile getting delightfully
tipsy. For
something very casual, perhaps a glass
of champagne and some sushi, hang out
at Freddy's Tequila and Ceviche Bar on
the beach and watch the waves roll in.
To work off all that indulging, take
advantage of the state-of-the-art gym, or
if you've really splurged, your suite might
have its own gym and outdoor shower!
But there's always that endless, tranquil
beach to stroll along, feeling blessed
that you rewarded yourself with the
luxury that has made Belmond famous.
(belmond.com/maroma-resort-and-spariviera-maya)
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THE OLD CLARE HOTEL, SYDNEY
THE GLADSTONE,
If you're headed down to Sydney,
Australia for their legendary Gay & Lesbian
Mardi Gras, we've located the perfect digs
for you. The Old Clare Hotel is centrally
located to give you easy access to all
the attractions of Sydney in summer: the
glittering Harbour, the gay golden mile
of Oxford Street, which hosts the Mardi
Gras Parade, and, heading west, the
Sapphic splendor of Newtown, which is
the neighborhood favored by food and
culture-loving lesbians in the know. The
Old Clare has a very gay-meets-industrial
chic sensibility. Lesbians love its friendly
staff, its design elements that proudly
preserve the property's former life as a
working class pub, and its large rooms,
many which feature romantic tubs,
exposed surfaces, soaring ceilings, and
a rooftop pool that situates you within the
cityscape. There's something deeply sexy
about all that! (theoldclarehotel.com.au)
In the heart of Toronto's coolest
nabe is The Gladstone Hotel, a.k.a.
'The Gaystone.'
An LGBTQ local
landmark, and a fixture during Pride
season when it hosts a number of fun
events, the Gladstone is even gayer
since proprietor
Christina
Zeidler
took over in 2003. With its 37 unique
artist-designed
hotel rooms, many
designed by queer or lesbian women,
you can check in for a gay time indeed
and know you'll be surrounded
by
friends.
Enjoy the live music, art,
and quirky
atmosphere
and ask
what's on: drag, dancing, burlesque?
There's sure to be something! When
booking,
ask for Room 304 (Faux
Naturale), Room 309 (Puzzle Room),
Room 415 (Snapshot), or Room 409
(Tower Suite)-all
lesbian-designed,
with these last two created by Zeidler
herself. (gladstonehotel)
ELEMENTS AT BYRON BAY
After Mardi Gras, many Aussies shake off the glitter and head north to the oceanic
oasis of Byron bay, situated on the Easternmost point ofthe Australian mainland. Once
a haven for hippies, this seaside farming hamlet with epic beaches and subtropical
hinterland is now hipster heaven, and attracts its fair share of environmentalists,
too. A new, eco-aware resort located on the stunning Belongil Beach shows off the
beauty of Byron while preserving its natural wonders. Stay in one of the cabanastyle villas, which are designed in a minimalist, Scandinavian aesthetic and are all
an easy walk from the stunning Pacific Ocean and the amenities of the resort. The
massive multi-sectional pool features giant hanging pod-shaped lounges, chaises
from which you can order from the Drift Bar sumptuous treats such as a glass of local
champagne paired with fresh oysters. Treat you and your love with a visit to Osprey
Spa, and linger over dinner at Graze At Elements, which is so impressive even the
locals make a detour to dine there. (elementsofbyron.com.au)
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TORONTO
MARKtTP
Buying?
Selling.
Relocating?
INSTANT ACCESS TO
THE NATION'S TOP
LGBTQ REALTORS.
THREE STORIES & TALL TALES,
SAYBROOK POINT
Fancy a brief encounter in the Tri-State
area? There's a magical little place on the
Connecticut Shore called Old Saybrook,
a traditional New England town, and its
peninsular, Saybrook Point. On the point
are two ltaliante mansions, side-by-side
guesthouses facing the water. Three
Stories and Tall Tales are inspired by the
local area and offer a trip down memory
lane, with today's amenities. Request
a room named after a local entity such
as Katharine Hepburn (while in Old
Saybrook, visit the Katharine Hepburn
Cultural Arts Center). The guesthouses'
rooms have plush beds with designer
linens, fireplaces, and some have tubs
with jets, and private balconies. And
the houses have some enticing extras:
kitchen, parlor, sitting room, poolroom,
den, deck with fire pit, open fireplaces
and original oil paintings. Tall Tales is
well-suited for group bookings, should
you require all 6 rooms for a special
occasion such as a wedding.
Another feature of these gorgeous
houses houses: they're part of the
property across the road-Saybrook
Point Inn & Spa. Located right on the
marina, the Inn's amenities will make your
weekend getaway a pleasure. Indulge in a
wonderful couples massage by the expert
women at Sanna Spa using Eminence
Organic Skincare products. Afterwards,
take a dip in the heated pool or relax in the
hot tub before heading to happy hour for
a pre-dinner drink at the Fire Bar. Dinner
at Fresh Salt is a must. True to its name,
the food is fresh, seasonal and mostly
locally sourced. Both the shellfish and the
service are hard to beat!
For an off-property sojourn, it's worth
a 25 minute drive to the nearby shoreline
town of Clinton, to Chamard vineyards
(chamard.com).
Established in 1983,
Chamard grows 20 acres of grapes on
property under the watchful eye of a
female winemaker, to produce awardwinning Estate Reserve wines, from fun
sparkling wines to bold reds. The winery
boasts a Tasting Room and bar with live
local music, plus the Bistro at Chamard,
which serves gourmet French-American
dishes using fresh, locally sourced
ingredients that pair perfectly with each
Chama rd wine. (saybrook.com) •
Legal arriage,
Honeymoons
and RomanticGetaways
www.highlandsinn-nh.com
1-877-LES-B-INN
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call today for 20% off!
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Got iPhone?
Find Gurl Scout in iTunes.
www.damron.com
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
77
LAST LOOK/
CROSSWO
THE
L-OUIZ
Test your
lesbian knowledge
with our queer crossword.
BY MYLES MELLOR
ACROSS
1.
5.
9.
Arrested Development star,
name
32. Much loved alien, in film
Portia
34. Overgrown mouse
7.
Ray, of Indigo Girls
36. Feeling like vegging
My Drunk Kitchen star, goes
35. Creator of The Talk, Sara_
8.
Most huggable
38. Mimicking bird
with 5 down
37. Word before only
10. Cheerleader cry
39. SNL star,_
40. Purchase
Uh Huh Her keyboardist,
Camila
12. Police Lt. whose battle for
her partner's rights was
portrayed in Freeheld, _
Hester
13. Word after "She loves_"
14. Partner of 30 across, last
name
18. Made a catty noise
40.
Sony exec, Lauren_
42.
Wife of 40 across, first name
12. Jeans
41. Listener
43.
"Way to go!"
15. Partner of 16 down, Kristen
42. Windy City, for short
44.
What the goalie guards, in
soccer
16. Gossip singer-songwriter,
Beth
45. For example, abbr.
46.
But
17. Wimbledon contest, with
final
47. Documentary about
Stephanie Allynne and her
lover
18. Crazed
19. Partner of 23 across
20. Short skirt
21. Partner of 1 across, first
name
21. Time
DOWN
23. Grace and Frankie star, last
name
1.
Like a lot, in the '60s
22. Newport's state
2.
Regret
27. Bubbliness
3.
Like
29. Hawaiian wreath
24. Got a candle going
25. Symbol for nickel
4. "Not_
words
28. Skin softener
5.
See 5 across
33. Partner of 31 across, last
name
30. Fitness phenom, Jillian_
6.
Partner of 5 across, last
35. Kind of trip you don't want
JUL/AUG
2016
million years!" 2
31. The L Word star, first name
26. Previously known as
CURVE
McKinnon
11. A way to vote
48. The Ellen with Samantha
20. Cool cat's cry
78
to go on
LASTLOOK!STARS
Midsummer Magic
Temperatures rise as Mars sits with sultry Scorpio and Venus cuddles moody Cancer.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Mary Poppins author P.L. Travers
was born on August 9, 1899.
CANCER
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
You're a charmer with a mouth
that doesn't stop! Taureans
seem to know just what to
say to sweep a grrl off her
feet. But then what? Ready
to take things to their logical
conclusion? I suggest that
you plan your liaisons with an
eye toward creating a more
permanent relationship ... one
that lasts at least a month.
(June 22-July 23)
Sapphic Crabs are clever
gals when it comes to money
management. They have the
innate ability to make a little bit
of money go a long way and
tend to earn it in bits and pieces
from many small transactions.
She is not a wheeler-dealer stock
market trader with her stash,
however, preferring to put her
money where it's safe.
Not only do you want to
hang around the house in
your robes and slippers, you
wouldn't mind slipping along
with a comely companion. But
your surroundings may need
some sprucing up to make it
enticing. Consider anything
from a paint job to a fullfledged renovation. Get your
crib ready for a bevy of babes
and see who needs a spanking.
/
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
LEO
(July 24-Aug 23)
The Lioness has an uncanny
knack to make money, probably
because she gravitates towards
high profile careers. If she's bold,
pushy, confident and talented
enough, she can pull in the big
bucks with ease. She is her own
best self-promoter and can often
get even her meager efforts
recognized and rewarded.
/
/
/
You'll work hard for the money
all through the summer,
Gemini. So don't slack off and
expect to slide by on your
good looks. Your eyes are
larger than your bank account.
You not only earn, you also
burn right through it. Money
may not buy you happiness
but it could bring some
appreciative and acquisitive
gals to your den of iniquity.
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Focus on whatever or whoever
piques your interest this
summer, Cancer. There will
1/,
be ample opportunities to
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is theauthor
meet, greet and sweep certain
A Guideto Astrology
of HerScopes:
ladies off their feet. Your social
(Simon& Schuster)
ForLesbians
calendar fills to overflowing as
nowavailable
asanebook
your flair for entertaining has
,I
tongues wagging. No matter
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes).
,I
80
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
how tired you may feel, rev
your engines and take flight.
Leo (July 24-Aug 23)
There is suspense and secret
lust lurking in the background
as you go about your usual
daily routines. Will you discover
a peach while you caress the
melons at the market? Or will
your exotic tastes be satisfied
at a new local hot spot?
Lionesses may not be calling
the shots this summer, but
giving it up to the fates might
lead to unexpected highs.
Virgo (Aug 24-Sept 23)
Gather a posse together
and see what mischief you
can create. There are lots of
exciting opportunities and
things to do in your own
neighborhood, Virgo. You don't
need to travel far to have fun
this summer. And who knows
if there is a new girlfriend or
two hanging out at a still-to-bediscovered dyke bar down the
street? The fun will be in the
seeking and discovering!
Libra (Sept 24-Oct 23)
Even if you're tempted to
take time off this summer,
don't. The next few weeks
will offer you a chance to
make a big career move and
earn lots more money. Libras
are naturally diplomatic and
charming. Now you have a
double dose of it. Use your
personal oil to grease the
corporate sharks. Then go
shark fishing.
Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)
Feeling bored, Scorpio? You
have no excuse to sit at home
and watch paint dry. Your
personality is on sizzling hot
and your ability to schmooze
anyone into anything is at
a high point. Expand your
horizons, get out of your
comfort zone and explore the
unusual, unique and foreign
all through the summer. Hmm,
anyone we know?
Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)
Upend convention, Sagittarius,
and do something (or
someone) surprising and out
of the ordinary. It will have
a powerful impact on your
personal outlook and sexual
confidence.Yourchances
for success are great, your
instincts are on target and
you are one sexy babe ready
for action. So sneak up and
take the bull by her horns this
summer.
Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)
Girlfriends may go head to
head with gal pals this summer
in vying for your attention and
affection. Who will win your
heart, Capricorn? Try and
balance all relationships, giving
enough quality time to each. A
summer romance is possible
for those with a wandering
eye. Will it turn into a beautiful
friendship or something more
torrid? I guess we will just see.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)
Don't even think of relaxing this
summer, Aqueerius. There are
those who rely on you for your
sage advice. There are others
who need your expertise and
guidance. And there are others
still who need your gumption,
grit and hard work to get
things done. You have a lot on
your plate that needs to get
done before the weather cools
down. Plan on being cool later.
"It will give you
goosebumps"
-AfterEllen.com
PACKED™
A1~VN1\
When writer-director Jane Anderson (HBO's Normal, If These Walls
EDITH LA.KET WILKINSON
Could Talk2) learns her great-aunt Edith was put in an asylum for being
a lesbian, she set out to learn about the woman whose beautiful
paintings (rescued from a dusty trunk) had inspired her
own career, and to have Edith's work recognized in
the art world.
11
Genuinely moving ...
tells an eye-opening story."
- The Hollywood Reporter
'' UDIENCE
WINNERr)~
AWARD
EST
DOCUMENTARY
ROVINCETOWN
INT'L
FILM
FEST
start to finish this film takes you on a
unique voyage of self-acceptance.
"From
11
-AfterEllen.com
Indian writer/director Shonali Bose
beautifully portrays the story of a
luminous Indian teenager with cerebral
palsy who leaves her homeland to study
in New York, falls in love with a young
blind woman, and begins a remarkable
journey to self-discovery and
independence. Hindi& Englishwithsubtitles.
lntriguing
and enjoyable.
11
11
- Screen International
\\ it took was the firs
tiff
toronto
international
• film festival®
BEST FILM- NETPAC
11
'' UDIENCE
WINNER~~
AWARD
BEST
FEATURE
RAMEUNE,
SAN
FRANCISCO
LGBT
FILM
FESTIVAL
Should resonate with
audiences worldwide/' - vARIETv
An inspirational drama about four ordinary
women who, through their mutual
friendship, find the strength to break out of
the traditions of servitude they were born
into. HindiwithEnglishsubtitles.
*Please note: This title is not specifically
lesbian, but an amazing story of women
finding empowerment through their bonds
with each other. We know you will enjoy it.
"One of the most honest,uncompromising
portrayalsof femalefriendship
I've ever seenon screen." - BROADLY
'' WINNER:)'-'
DIENCE
AWARD
BEST
FILM
INDIAN
FILM
FESTIVAL
OFLOS
ANGELES
Wolfe·
WolfeVideo.com/WolfeOnDemand.com
Yourtrustedcommunitysourcefor LGBTmovies
2017 C300 Coupe shown in Cardinal Red metallic paint with optional equipment. ©2016 Mercedes-Benz USA, LLC
For more information, call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES, or visit MBUSA.com.
See all items with this value
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Come in-store to get your free stuff and
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JUL/AUG
2016
FEATURES
33
BEST BEACH READS
Page turners from lesbian
authors that will have you
enthralled, poolside.
36
THE TAKARAZUKA REVUE
All the way from Japan, the
legendary, all-girl troupe
dazzles New York City.
~o
INTRODUCING
CHARLOTTE GLASSER
The boi about town on her
favorite duds, and how to pop
the question to the girl of your
dreams.
~3
BLISSED OUT BRIDES
A selection of our favorite
wedding styles and locations.
52
WHAT MAKES A FAMILY?
Meet the queerly committed
moms, kids, and more who are
redefining the tribe.
70
WEST COAST ODYSSEY
The pick of cities on the coast
of California, with a desert
sojourn or two, too
,~
THE SUITE LIFE
We select some of the most
romantic, lesbian-friendly
resort rooms around the world.
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
1
JUL/AUG
2016
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IN EVERYISSUE
4
EDITOR'S NOTE
6
CURVETTES
8
FEEDBACK
10
THE GAYDAR
80
STARS
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TRENDS
REVIEWS
11 OUT IN FRONT
Meet the community leaders
who are doing us proud. By
Sheryl Kay
24 MUSIC
Allison Miller is a jazz maestro
and drummer with a band that
simply kills. Get her on your
playlist, pronto. By Merryn
Johns
11 IN CASE YOU MISSED
IT ...
LGBT news from across the
country. By Sassafras Lowrey
12 LES LOOKS LIKE
Each issue we pick a lucky lez
with a look and a life to match.
13 LESBOFILE
What's new and noteworthy
with our favorite celesbians.
By Jocelyn Voo
VIEWS
16 POLITICS
Deep thoughts and heartfelt
convictions on a different topic
each issue from our contributing politics editor. By Victoria
A. Brownworth
20 ADVICE
Experts with insider info on all
manner of problems, from love
to money to health.
22 ISSUES
Our in-depth look into a hot
button topic affecting queer
women.
2
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
26 FILMS
One of our favorite movies this
summer is the French lesbianfeminist flick Summertime. By
Allie Esslinger
28 SEX
Two books, one an anthology
of erotica, the other a manual
on masturbation, are guaranteed to turn up the heat this
summer. By Yana Tallon-Hicks
30 BOOKS
Jewelle Gomez reinvents the
vampire novel and gives it a
lesbian-feminist message. By
Victoria Bond
LAST LOOK
78 CROSSWORD
Can you tame our Queer Quiz?
By Myles Mellor
DO
I,
I
'-'
';1#
~r
'
'
~·
YOUCANHELPTHEM
DONATENOW
IFAW.ORG/CURVE
QIFAW
International Fund for Animal Welfare
Love Not Hate
I write this, I am reeling from the news of the massacre in
Orlando's Pulse nightclub. So many of us, gay or straight,
ave a connection to "The City Beautiful;' whether for
its vibrant and pioneering LGBT community, or its dedication to
uniting and entertaining families.
This issue of Curve is our Love issue, and it was planned-long
before this terrible occurrence-as a post-marriage-equality tribute
to couples and families. The day after the tragedy, I was scheduled
to speak with Mary Bonauto, one of the architects of the marriage
equality movement. Along with Evan Wolfson and others, she is
featured in a new documentary, The Freedom to Marry (2016).
Bonauto was the force behind the legal arguments that won us the
right to have civil unions in Vermont and marriage in Massachusetts.
She went on to support Roberta Kaplan in the Edie Windsor case,
which definitively delivered us marriage equality.
Before any of us had heard of Edie, however, Bonauto was there,
chipping away, state by state. Massachusetts in 2004, California
and Connecticut in 2008, much of New England by 2009 ... It
was all part of a plan. The winning play was taking on the federal
government, which was "telling people who were already
married, 'You're not married: We knew we could win that," says
Bonauto. "It was just such a singular disrespect:'
So is mowing down 49 people with an assault rifle. For the last
few months, we've had to endure the hateful campaign rhetoric
of Republican candidates, not to mention the 200 anti-LGBT bills
that have formed a perfect storm of intolerance in this country.
"There are people who do not like gay people," says Bonauto.
"And then there are people who are ideologically committed
to not liking gay people, or they're committed to a concept of
gender that does not encompass the worldview that we can be
accepting of who LGBTpeople are."
Like many Republican conservatives, Omar Mateen saw
homosexuality as an abuse of gender. That perception filled him
with vitriolic hatred, a hatred that continues to threaten and to
destroy LGBTlives.
"I never expected that marriage would heal all wounds,
would create all understandings;' says Bonauto. While marriage
equality did change a lot of hearts and minds, she says, "I don't
want anyone thinking that because we have marriage all our
problems have gone away."
After the tragedy on June 12,it's clear they haven't. Many of our
governing officials are still sending out messages of exclusion
and discrimination.
Let's not rest on our laurels.Watch The Freedom to Marry. Meet
the people who insisted that our love has value, and demanded
that our government recognize it. Hope that the next generation of
activists can do what's left to be done.
"Take a hard look at the entire life cycle of LGBTQ people;'
says Bonauto. "Where are we being denied protection, freedom,
opportunities? Where is it still assumed that we are going to be
treated differently than everyone else because we're LGBTQ?"
Now that we've won the right to love, it's time to addressthe hate.
4'/y
MERRYNJOHNS
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
merryn@curvemag.com
't#@Merryn1
RONT /
cu RVETTES
ALLIE ESSLINGER
Allie is a Southern transplant living in Brooklyn. She
began working in entertainment as a joke writer during
grad school and freelanced for various magazines
and biogs while transitioning into film. Through her
company Olive Juice Films, she has worked as a
development producer and distributor for independent
television and film projects. In 2013, she founded
Section 11,a streaming network for LBTQ films and
series. Allie loves television, big sunglasses, iced
coffee, and the Crimson Tide.
curve
THE BEST-SELLING
JUL/JAUG
2016
LESBIAN MAGAZINE
» VOLUME
26 NUMBER
4
PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDING PUBLISHER Frances Stevens
EDITORIAL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Merryn Johns
SENIORCOPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Melanie Barker, Marcie Bianco,
Victoria A. Brownworth, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Anita
Dolce Vita, Sheryl Kay, Gillian Kendall, Dave Steinfeld,
Jocelyn Voo
EDITORIALASSISTANTSAnnalese Davis
OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran
AMY B. SCHER
Amy is a leading voice in the field of mind-body healing and
the author of How To Heal Yourself When No One Else Can.
She has been featured on healthcare biogs, CNN, Elephant
Journal, OM Times, and the San Francisco Book Review. Amy
was named one of Advocate's "40 Under 40" for 2013. She
has presented to the Department of Psychiatry at Stanford
University and teaches nationwide. Most importantly, Amy
lives by her motto: "When life kicks your ass, kick back." She
lives in Los Angeles with her wonderful wife and sometimesadorable cat. (amybscher.com)
PROOFING
PROOFREADER lndre McGinn
ADVERTISING
NATIONAL SALES
Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021, todd@curvemagazine.com
ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Bruno Cesar Guimaraes
SOCIAL MEDIA
MANAGERAnnalese Davis
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Jenny Block, Kelsy Chauvin, Mallorie
DeRiggi, Dar Dowling, Jill Goldstein, Kristin Flickinger,
Kim Hoffman, Francesca Lewis, Charlene Lichtenstein,
Sassafras Lowrey, Kelly McCartney, Myles Mellor, Laurie
K. Schenden, Stephanie Schroeder, Janelle Sorenson,
Rosanna Rios-Spicer, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Sarah Toce
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Steph Brusig, Erica Camille, Grace Chu, Meagan Cignoli,
Sara Lautman, Syd London, Maggie Parker, Diana Price, B.
Proud, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten
SARAH TOSHIKO HASU
Photo credit: Kristi Badger
Sarah is the author of Megume and the Trees, shortlisted
for a 2012 Lambda Literary Award in Lesbian Debut
Fiction. Her novels Whitest Snow (2017) and Sophia and
Alessandra (2018) are forthcoming from Megami Press,
which she founded in 2010. Her favorite painting is Zhu
Jinshi's The Third Time Going to the Yellow Mountain,
and she cannot live without Anne Carson's If Not, Winter:
Fragments of Sappho. She lives in Arizona with her dogs,
Daphne and Dylan.
ERICACAMILLE
Erica is a photographer based between New York City and
Thailand. She has shot over 100 weddings all around the
world and treats each with respect and care, individually
hand editing each phototo give the images a richness, depth
and texture like painting. Her work has been featured in
print and online in the New York Daily News, Huffington Post,
Refinery 29, Buzzfeed, NY Wedding Pride Guide, the cover
of GO magazine's 100 Women We Love issue and dozens of
popular wedding biogs. (ericacamilleproductions.com)
CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE (415) 871-0569
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070
(toll-free in usonly)
ADVERTISINGEMAIL todd@curvemagazine.com
EDITORIALEMAIL editor@curvemag.com
LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL letters@curvemagazine.com
Volume 26 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 6 times
per year (January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August,
September/October, November/December) by Avalon Media, LLC,
PO Box 467, New York NY 10034. Subscription price: $35/year, $45
Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $55 international (U.S. funds only).
Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing
offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not
be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or
photograph of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising
or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual
orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated.
Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and
artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be
returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included.
No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages. The contents
do not necessarily represent the opinions of the editor, unless
specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription
Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC., PO Box 467 New
York NY 10034, email jeannie@curvemag.com Canadian Agreement
Number: 40793029. Postmaster: Send address changes to jeannie@
curvemag.com, Curve, PO Box 17138,N. Hollywood, CA 91615-7138.
Printed in the U.S.
curvemag.com
6
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
~1BEST
:::::.~
PLACES TO WORK
ws for LGBT Equality
RONT /
FEEDBACK
cu1ve
"','
ISSUE
CAL.LING
1
HUNT~fl~
V~4··A
••
1
~::
Ill
THE
SHOTS
' '
\
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'J()u~1i,
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AND
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SISTERS
INLAW
SI/I'
ALWAYS MY VALENTINE
As someone who was first
introduced to Hunter Valentine
through them appearing on
The Real L Word, it is always
good to see them in Curve ["A
Piece of Their Hearts," V.26#3].
I've had the pleasure of seeing
them play live many times,
met them and even hung out
with them. As much as it is
bittersweet they are going on
hiatus, they have provided me
with a lot of musical memories
and I wish them all the best in
their future endeavors.
-Anna Girdwood, via email
KEEP IT COMING
What a fabulous issue of
Curve. And so much diversity!
I especially loved the travel
article on the Florida Keys
["Keys to Paradise,"V.26#3],
which is where I newly live. My
family enjoyed reading it and
it's inspired them to come visit
me for Thanksgiving.
-Nancy Reilly, Marathon FL.
was recently diagnosed and I
am feeling kind of swamped
and at a loss as to what to do.
Is there any support out there
for those who are doing the
supporting? I trust our doctor
but I would like to be better
informed. Peace.
Awareness section in our fall
-Name withheld
Health Issue.
Editor's Note: Yes indeed.
Please see our Breast Cancer
YOU SAID IT: BESTFACEBOOKCOMMENTS
REJOICING IN JOLANDA
Cool cover story in Curve
["Raising the Bar;' V.26#3]. Very
powerful reading. It made me
feel thankful for the privileges
that I have, but also thankful
that someone like Jones has
the courage to step up,
know who she is, and fight
for our community.
-Kelly Robinson,
Washington D.C.
BREAST CANCER
INFORMATION NEEDED
I would love to see some
health related articles or advice
on breast cancer specifically
related to lesbians. My wife
Hillary Clinton wins the
Same-sex moms cut from
Democratic nomination:
Apple Mother's Day ad: "An
"I am thrilled she won!
I am not a woman who
doesn't like other women.
I love women. I trust
women. Women can do
any job that men can
do. Period. I'm tired of a
tiny portion of ridiculous
women who desire to
hold BETTERwomen back
simply because they are
brainwashed by some
ridiculous men.
Snap out of it already!"
interracial same sex couple
with biracial children. This
seems like a beautiful family
to me:' - Nicole Renee
- Demi Nguyen
Simpson
Pulse nightclub tragedy: "I
want to say to the parents
of these dead gay men and
lesbians that their pride in
their children was probably
one of the most important
things in their children's
lives. I am so sorry for their
loss." - Maddy Gold
·.·.::::::
·.·.·.·.:::::·.·.·.·.·.-.:
·.·.·.·.·.·.........
·.·.·.·...............
·................................................................................................................
r·
WHAT
DOES
LESBIAN
FAMILY
LOOK
LIKE
TOYOU?
8%
l'M RAISING A CHILD ON MY OWN, SO IT'S JUST US
35%
IT'S ME AND MY WIFE/GIRLFRIEND
40%
IT'S ME, MY WIFE/GIRLFRIEND, AND OUR KIDS
5% IT'S ME, MY WIFE/GIRLFRIEND,
AND OUR FURKIDS
12% ME AND MY QUEER POSSE, CHOSEN
FAMILY
Send to:
WRITE
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
US!Email: letters@curvemagazine.com
8
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/magazine
subscribe
renew
pay your bill
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11OUT IN FRONT
13
CELESBIANGOSSIP
14
SHE SAID,SHE SAID
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
9
TRENDS/
p
THE GAYDAR
THEGAYDAR
Takes one to know one? Let our gaydar help
you decide who's hot, who's not, who's
shaking it and who's faking it in lesboland.
BY MELANIE
BARKER
President Obama names the
home of lesbian-separatist
collective the Furies, in
Washington D.C.,the nation's
first lesbian landmark
Pepperidge Farm consistently
scores a 100 on HRC'sCorporate
Equality Index and gives us rainbow
goldfish this Pride #ForAIIFamilies
The systemic racism of
the U.S. Justice System:
Lesbian Black Lives Matter
activist Jasmine Richards
will serve 72 days in jail for
"felony lynching"
'
b
Apple removes
a biracial lesbian
couple from its
international
ads forof all thingsMother's Day
"'"~'1RA\.~-
ELLE
celebrates
SNL's Kate
McKinnon
on the July
2016 cover in
to promote
Ghostbusters
(-!') (fi?i_i~)
Deborah S. Esquenazi storms
the film festival circuit with
Southwest of Salem: The Story
of the San Antonio Four, about
the wrongful incarceration of
four Latina lesbians
CURVE
James Franco
is remaking
Mother, May
I Sleep with
Danger? as
a lesbian
vampire flick
for Lifetime
Now you
can create
a female
character who
looks like Ellen
DeGeneres
in the new
Sims4
Actor-director Clea Duvall
plays a lesbian secret
service agent dating
President Selina Meyer's
daughter in VEEP
10
Game of Thrones'
Sophie Turner tells
EW she'd love to see
Sansa Stark shack
up with Queen
Margaery Tyrell
JUL/AUG
2016
Finding Nemo follow-up, Finding Dory,
will possibly feature first lesbian couple
to ever appear in a Disney-Pixar film
South Korean boxoffice smash The
Handmaiden, adapted
from Sarah Waters'
Fingersmith, will arrive
in theaters stateside
later this year
VIEWS/NE
LAILANUR
>>North Carolina
Activist/Musician
She doesn't always choose the easy road, but Laila
Nur wouldn't have it any other way. Focused on making a
difference, the activist/musician uses her guitar, her lyrics,
and her intense spirit each and every day.
"When I knock on doors in my neighborhood to talk to
people about police violence or the fight for fair pay, I am
fighting for our lives;' she says. "When I march with black
and brown kids, moms and brothers, down to the jail to
protest poor treatment, or when we march to McDonald's
headquarters to protest low wages and poor employment
lAMBDA
LEGAL
FILED
ALAWSUIT
INCALIFORNIA
Superior Court against a Southern California barbershop for
denying service to a customer. The barbershop allegedly
denied Kendall Oliver a haircut, claiming to have rel1g1ous
obJect1onsto serving "female" customers. Oliver, who 1dent1f1es
as transgender and uses the pronouns they/them, arrived at
the barbershop 1nRancho Cucamonga, and said they wanted a
"man's haircut," but were still denied service "You don't expect
your barber to police your gender," Oliver said
practices, it's not because it's the most fun thing to do,
or even out of duty. It's because I believe that if we don't
march forward in an ever-changing world, we will continue to move backward:'
Over the past several years, Nur has lent her talents to a
host of causes, from volunteering with the October 22nd
Coalition to Stop Police Brutality and the North Carolina
League of Conservation Voters, to supporting the Fight
for $15 campaign to raise the minimum wage.
Nur says the LGBTcommunity is still facing major hurdles, especially for people of color who experience racist
policing, gentrification, higher suicide rates, and unfair
housing and employment practices. Other major battles
are being fought by transgender people thanks to HB2.
"Winning some straight privileges doesn't set the poor
free;' says Nur. "For some, not being able to marry was
their only oppression, and so they made it. For everyone
else, it was barely their problem:'
Addressing and confronting internalized racial bias
as well as systemic racism should be part of the LGBT
conversation, Nur says. Community members need to
consider why so many LGBTorganizations are predominantly white and why people of color have to create
their own Pride festivals to be heard, as much as to feel
loved or included. She also points out that gentrification
is often fueled by well-to-do gays and lesbians with little
consideration for the poor who are being marginalized
and moved out.
"Community organizing is an art form, just like my
music;' says Nur. "It is pulling diverse groups of people
together around a common purpose-healing
tion:' By Sheryl Kay
and libera-
• ALESBIAN
COUPLE
WAS
crowned prom king and prom queen
at Leon High School in Tallahassee,
Fla., the first time an LGBTcouple
has received this honor at the
school. Lindsey Creel and Brie
Grimes, high school seniors who
have been dating for three years,
explained that for them winning
wasn't about titles but about helping
to raise awareness about LGBTQ
issues in their community. "I hope
that people will look at this and more
will begin to think that it's OK to be
supportive of the LBTQ community ...
Leon often talks about change ...
This is a good example for younger
students there;' says Creel.
• LESBIAN
GORILLAS
ABOUND
IN
Rwanda! Researchers from the
University of Western Australia
observed female gorillas in Rwanda
to "shed light on the evolutionary
origins of homosexuality." The
scientists noted 44 instances of
same-sex contact between female
gorillas, documenting lesbian sex
among gorillas for the first time. It
appears that lesbian sex is a normal
component of mountain gorilla life.
• THE
LESBIAN
COUPLE
WHO
WERE
arrested for kissing in Hawaii has
received a settlement. They say
that the experience has destroyed
their lives and their relationship.
Courtney Wilson and Taylor
Guerrero endured what they call
a "nightmare" for six months after
they were arrested and charged
with assault of an officer after he
asked them to stop kissing in the
grocery store, and a scuffle broke
out. Because of the felony charges
against them, Guerrero and Wilson
weren't allowed to leave Hawaii,
where they'd been on vacation,
or return home to California. They
became homeless, living in shelters
and in parks. Criminal charges were
eventually dropped, and the couple
broke up. The women received an
$80,000 settlement from the city
of Honolulu and $10,000 from the
store.
• LESBIAN
HASHTAGS
ARE
NOW
banned on lnstagram in an attempt
to stop the spread of pornography
on the app. lnstagram has banned
the use of certain LGBT identity
hashtags, particularly #lesbian and
#bi; however, #queer, #gay, #LGBTQ,
and #transgender are allowed. A
new study by the UK's Government
Department of Culture, Media, and
Sport, which is exploring sexual
orientation and social media habits,
found that LGBT people were more
than twice as likely to use social
media as were straight people.
By SassafrasLowrey
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
11
NOS/GOSSIP
LESBOFILE
CELEBRITY SPATS, SPLITS, AND A SPLASH OF MEDIEVAL FANTASY SEX.
BY JOCELYN VOO
• TRIANGLES, AND NOT THE GOOD KIND
When Johnny Depp split from girlfriend of 14 years and mother of his two children, and put a ring
on it with The Rum Diaries co-star Amber Heard after 9 months of dating, it created a tabloid
frenzy. Fast forward 15 months, and Heard has filed for divorce from Depp amid allegations of
abuse. There have also been reports of infidelity-namely, that Heard had been getting frisky
with supermodel Cara Delevingne. A source told The Sun, "They used to party together a lot
and made no attempt to hide the fact that they were quite flirty:' This reportedly made Depp
furious. Heard is bisexual and considered herself married to former girlfriend Tasya Van Ree,
legally changing her name to Amber Van Ree. But Depp was allegedly not having it. "On one
occasion he even screamed at her, 'You're making a fool of me,'" the source told The Sun.
Ruby Rose got into a spat at a New Orleans restaurant which ended in her throwing French fries
at the bartender and getting thrown out. Rose has told her version of the story: the bartender
apologized for slow service by offering a round of free drinks. When Rose explained that she
was sober, the situation escalated with the bartender making "rude and derogatory comments"
mocking sobriety, and Rose responding by flicking a fry at him. More derogatory jokes ensued,
as did more French fry-throwing. "I am deeply regretful to the French fry and I am regretful that I
reacted at all," Rose said. "Maybe next time I won't throw fries, then again, maybe next time that
bartender won't tell someone who is sober to 'go call your f**king sponsor!'"
• FROM STEPHANIE TO STELLA
Let's call it the new trading spaces? According to Us Weekly, after a few weeks of dating,
Kristen Stewart and girlfriend Stephanie "SoKo" Sokolinsky have split. But wait! What
caused the rift, especially when they seemed so in love (Soko, after all, had just given an
interview to W magazine detailing how she was "very, very, very in love and very happy
in a relationship")? Well, turns out Stewart was seen out and about with Miley Cyrus's ex
Stella Maxwell at the Met Gala afterparty in NYC in May. Although sources claim that the
two are merely friends and run in the same social circles, we can't help but wish the story
was just a bit juicier ...
• GAY OF THRONES?
It was only a matter of time, right? While Game of Thrones has given us some girl-on-girl
action in the past, it appears that they have now given us a lesbian character for Season
6. In the inaugural episode, lronborn warrior Yara Greyjoy is shown kissing a scantily
clad woman who straddles her bawdily, later noting, "Nothing on the Iron Islands has an
ass like that." This is a deviation from the novels, but dare we say a good one? Excuse us
while we take a moment to set our DVRs.
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
13
TRENDS/SHE
SAID
"The
fact that it was
an all female crew drew
me to it. It is different from Blue
is the Warmest Color, which was shot
by a man and is really masculine and
pornographic in my eyes. This is graphic, you
see everything, but it's more romantic in a
way. I was fine with it until it happened and
then I saw the bed and all of the cameras ... I
fucking freaked out a little bit"'
Erika Linder to V magazine about
her new movie Below Her
Mouth
..:.I
day of our wedding
when I got to get married,
I wasn't distracted by hating my
clothes, or feeling like I looked weird or
bad or short or swallowed whole, which is
what I usually felt like I looked like. I got to be
me ... And I also thought, I have to do this for
other people ... I can't keep this to myself, it's
too good. So I wanted to start a company that
allowed this to happen for people."
Mary Going on why she started
14
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
20OPENING YOURSELFTO LOVE
16 LESBIANFAMILIESARE POLITICAL
22
curve
FIGHTING CANCER
WITH CARE
POLITICS
ISSUES
ADVICE
»
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
15
The Struggle
for Lesbian
Family
POLITICS»
What constitutes lesbian family is a complicated question.
Some years before she died, the iconic
lesbian editor and publisher Barbara Grier
said to me, "I'm old enough to remember
when being a lesbian meant you weren't
obligated to have children:' Grier was
talking about the so-called lesbian baby
boom, but the issue of lesbians and
children and how we make our families has
always been strained for us. For her part,
Grier had a decades-long partnership with
Donna McBride. Her babies were Naiad
Pressand a huge historic archive of lesbian
literature.
Many of us have eschewed having
children. But not all of us have done so
willingly. The yearning for family-our own
lesbian families-has been intense for
many of us.
Now middle-aged and perimenopausal, I
often question my own childlessness. Years
ago, I gave birth to a stillborn child. It was
an experience that changed my life, and
one that I have only recently spoken and
written about. The loss still feels deeply raw
and shockingly fresh, like a wound that will
never fully heal.
16
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
ev v1cToR1A A. eRowNwoRTH
After that, a former partner and I raised
a foster child for several years and planned
to formally adopt her, against the advice
of friends and family who warned us that
her birth family would lure her back. They
were right. After she graduated from high
school, she returned to her birth family, and
they demanded that she not see us. My ex
and I were emotionally wrecked by the loss
and never pursued parenthood after that.
We never discussed it from then until we
broke up several years later. Our lives with
and without her were starkly different. It
was hard not to think about all the things
we had done with her, and for her.
When I started a relationship with the
woman who would eventually become
my wife, we had a brief discussion about
children, but she was adamant about not
wanting any. And as to my own biological
clock, I was just about out of time for an
easy, healthy pregnancy-from our late 30s
the risks increase and conception becomes
more difficult.
I had always expected to have a large
family. My family of origin is small. Both my
parents were only children and I have only
one surviving sibling. All my grandparents
have been dead since the early '80s. My
mother died relatively young and has been
dead for 13 years, while my father passed
five years ago. But these deaths don't tell
the whole story, because lesbian family so
often comes to mean something radically
different for us than it does for our straight
peers.
Like many LGBTpeople, I was estranged
from my family for years because of
my lesbianism. And while we finally
reconnected after 20 years, we never
healed, another commonality with a
plethora of LGBT people. Twenty years is a
lifetime. It could have been spent in anger
and bitterness over my biological family.
Instead, over that lifetime, I built my lesbian
family.
I have a core group of lesbian friends,
including my best friend since I was 17.For
years, my house was the one where the
leftover lesbians with no biological family
came for holidays-big
Thanksgivings,
Easters, Christmases. A party for Memorial
Day and the Fourth of July. New Year's Eve
and Halloween were a blast. These were
occasions not to mourn what we didn't
have, but to embrace one another and
what we had together as lesbian family:
love, closeness, joy. I insulated my friends
and myself against rejection by creating
a different space for them to feel that
powerful draw of "home:' My maternal
side embraced those who were on the
margins, and they were happy to receive
the "mothering" their own families refused
to give simply because they were lesbians.
Within our circle, a few friends had
children. As they did, they drifted from the
core group. Having children doesn't come
easy for lesbians. And it doesn't always
work.
One couple tried for several years to
get pregnant. The cost-emotional
and
financial-was astronomical. It strained
our connection and their relationship. But
eventually things settled, and their little
girl became part of our extended lesbian
family.
Things didn't settle for another couple.
They split up, and when they did, the birth
mother decided she wanted her now expartner out of their child's life. Mutually
agreed shared custody ended. The case
dragged through the courts for years,
becoming one of the major lesbian custody
cases in the news, the mothers' names
reduced by law to initials. We were forced
to take sides, and in taking sides became
the enemies of our other friend, who had,
so obviously, stolen the child from her
other mother.
My friends' conflict over their child
went on for a decade. The only difference
between theirs and others I covered for
Curve and other publications is that I knew
them and had known them for years.
We discovered-my lesbian family and
the lesbian community-that
the lesbian
families we had fought so hard to build
had problems similar to those of straight
families. Except while straight families have
remedies in the courts, lesbian families
still struggle just to be recognized. When
straight people break up, it can often be
terrible, but the courts are attuned to the
concept of sharing custody and assets
between married men and women.
It's different for lesbians. Adopting one's
own child isn't even legal in every state, and
the non-biological mother can find herself
locked out of the system entirely-a legal
stranger to a child she has nurtured since
birth.
Case after case has come before the
courts. Some have made news, like the
Alabama case that reached the U.S.
Supreme Court in March: In V.L. v. E.L. the
SCOTUS found in favor of the non-birth
mother. Shared custody of the couple's
three children was ordered.
Other lesbian mothers have not been
so fortunate. In case after case, municipal,
family, and appellate courts have found in
favor of the birth mother and ignored the
status of the non-birth mother.
For years, lesbians have faced custody
battles-first with their husbands after
they came out (as is highlighted in the film
Caro0, now in lesbian relationships.
Over 20 years ago, I reported on the
case of Sharon Bottoms. Bottoms was
raising her son with her partner April Wade
when Sharon's mother sued for custody
of her grandson, citing her daughter's socalled unnatural lifestyle.
At the time, the Virginia trial judge
awarded custody to the grandmother,
saying, "I will tell you first that the mother's
conduct is illegal. It is a Class 6 felony in the
Commonwealth of Virginia. I will tell you
that it is the opinion of this Court that her
conduct is immoral. And it is the opinion
of this Court that the conduct of Sharon
Bottoms renders her an unfit parent:'
That lesbians continue to lose their
children simply because they are lesbians
is an issue we have failed to address. The
focus on marriage equality as a cure-all
for discrimination has ignored the reality
many lesbians face daily simply in pursuit
of family.
How we choose to make families is
rarely addressed in any formal way. In
the year since marriage equality became
legal across the country, these issues have
continued to remain hidden. But as more
and more lesbians marry and many decide
to build families with children, questions
will continue to arise as to what constitutes
a lesbian family. And unlike the gatherings
in my little house over the years, those
questions can't simply be answered by
love, closeness, and joy.
We will need another round of laws
to protect us, our partners, and our kids.
When and how that will happen is still a
question without an answer.•
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Unlock Your lleart
Can't find a mate? Maybe you're not open to love. Here's how to invite love into your life.
BY AMY B. SCHER
As an L.A.-based energy therapist,
I've worked with clients all over the
world to release old emotional baggage
that is holding them back, and I've seen
firsthand that relationship baggage can
be some of the heaviest. Through this
work, I've found that our beliefs about
love-how we should find it, how we
know who is "right" to be in it with, how
we should function when we do discover
it-can be so limited. Being open to love
and all that comes with it often takes a
shift in our thinking.
While many of us see coming out as the
biggest hurdle in our quest for a loving
20
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
partnership, being open to the love that
is waiting for us is just as important.
The first step is to look at which
perceptions and ideas of love are not
working for us. We usually pick up our
beliefs, even those about love, from
our parents or other influential adults.
Even if those beliefs worked for an older
generation, they may not serve us in our
own lives. It's essential that we look at how
we think about love and ask ourselves
whose thoughts and emotions they really
are. If they are not ours, and they are not
healthy for us, it's time to transform them.
The next step? Being willing to let go
of all that old stuff we've been carrying
around. It's not always easy, but in the
end, it's totally and completely worth
doing. Here are my three rules for
opening up to the greatest love, and
my one transformational technique for
making that easier.
DITCH PAST EXPECTATIONS,
REQUIREMENTS AND AGENDAS
Don't focus on what you thought you
were looking for, or who you thought
you'd marry, because it might just keep
you from seeing the awesomeness of
what's right in front of you. Have you been
dreaming of a dark-haired, blue-eyed
bride to rescue you from an unhappy
family situation since you were 15 years
old? Are you still 15? Do you even like dark
hair anymore? Is finding love as a way to
be rescued still the best idea?
While letting go of old requirements
and agendas, focus on what would make
you feel wonderful in a relationship right
now. If you're happily hitched, focus on
what your partner does that shows you
she loves you, and stop focusing on what
your partner is doing that doesn't meet
the ideals of your 15-year-old self. Don't
punish yourself or your loved one for not
meeting those outdated requirements.
A healthy relationship does not consist
of any specific character traits of the two
partners-it's an energy, a feeling. When
you have it, you'll know. If you're not sure,
you're not there yet.
to be all about you. In that instant, you'll
create the ability to love yourself and your
partner more than you ever could before.
Finally, we must be able to sit through
difficult emotions in order to be the most
openhearted, loving people we can be.
While that's not always easy, I have a trick
that will help.
BESPOKEMATCH
MAKING
EXECUTIVE
GAYMATCHMAKING
FIRM
TRY THIS TECHNIQUE TO RELEASE
DIFFICULT EMOTIONS
When
we
experience
difficult
emotions, we tend to distract ourselves
from them, closing ourselves off to
personal growth and connection with
others. The healthiest thing we can do
with uncomfortable emotions about who
we are, how we feel about that, or what
others think about us is to move through
them.
Someone Special
Is Waiting ForYou
START WITH THE GLAND NEAR YOUR HEART
LET PEOPLE LOVE YOU THEIR WAY
People don't always love you in the
way you want them to. They love you the
way they know. You don't always get to
choose. Of course, no one should remain
in an abusive or toxic relationship, but if
that's not what you're dealing with, it will
only benefit you to put a little "give" in the
way you demand to be loved.
We all have different abilities and
capacities, and carry our own emotional
baggage, which can get in the way. We
spend our lives trying to muddle through
that and still love and be loved in the best
ways we know how. The more you come
to peaceful terms with allowing others to
love you their way, the more awesome
your love life will be.
STOP BELIEVING THE WORLD REVOLVES
AROUND YOU
When we take things personally,
whether we're getting to know someone
new or during a long-term commitment,
we put a strain on our relationships. Every
time your partner is upset, it's not because
you suck. It's most likely because they
think they suck in some way (remember,
they believe the world revolves around
them, too). We all like to think we're the
center of another person's universe, but
it doesn't help anyone when we hold on
to that belief. How can we be supportive
to another person when it's all about us?
Stop for a minute, when you get angry,
defensive, or agitated, and decide to
make a choice: that you won't allow this
The thymus gland is the master gland
of the body's immune system. It is located
in the upper part of the chest, behind the
breastbone. It sits right over the heart
and is affected by emotional stress. The
thymus is so powerful, and so connected
to the rest of the body's energy system,
that it can be used as a tool for releasing
difficult emotions.
The next time
you experience
uncomfortable emotions, simply tap the
thymus gland, using your fingertips, and
breathe deeply. Aim for about an inch
below the notch in your neck, where the
knot of a tie would be, and tap on that
general area with three or four fingers.
The percussive effect of the tapping will
help to gently process the emotion out of
your body. Don't worry about tapping on
the perfect spot, because even if you are
not directly over the gland, the vibration
will create a powerful clearing and
calming effect. You can tap for several
minutes or until you are feeling relief from
stress, anxiety, self-blame, or any other
of the negative emotions we are often
plagued by.
Once you're free of all those things,
you'll be more balanced, open, and ready
to flow in the direction of love, without
encumbrances. If you're able to lighten
up a little and stretch your perceptions
about what love should be, it'll be easier
than ever to find, sustain, and enjoy the
relationships you've always wanted,
including the most important one of allwith yourself. (amybscher.com) •
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Animal !Uagnetism
A filmmaker with terminal cancer is saving lives.
BY VICTORIA
A. BROWNWORTH
"You know the drill," J.D.DiSalvatore says
to me about a day spent at the hospital.
"Petscan. More chemo. Dying. Yada, yada,
yada."
Her boldness in talking about the Stage
IV cancer that may kill her-though she
seems indomitable-is emblematic of who
DiSalvatore is. Lesbian film buffs know her
from "the longest kiss in lesbian film history"
in Elena Undone. Other moviegoers and
Netflixers know her from blockbusters like
Armageddon (where she oversaw a $7
million budget) and The X-Files.She's done
everything from executive producing to
"blowing things up" in special effects.
Now DiSalvatore is saving lives; the lives
of dogs. She's working on a documentary,
How to Save a Dog, and watching her
love for the animals that are hardest to
place from shelters is something to see.
The documentary is a culmination of
volunteering for six years at the animal
shelter.
"I don't think it'll be my final project
because I'm convinced I'll be miraculously
22
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
cured of cancer;' she says.
Her naturally sardonic wit comes
through as she adds, knowing that I run a
cat shelter, "I'm just trying to piss off the cat
people, because you can't imagine what a
pack of angry cat ladies coming at you is
like!"
"I work a ton with cats, actually, as well
as rabbits, turtles, rats and chickens. I'm
probably the only one that pays attention
to the chickens at the shelter:'
You want to hug her for loving the
chickens. You also want to hug her for
being out in Hollywood.
"I often stayed in the closet at work
because it was so trendy and hip to be a
lesbian," DiSalvatore says. "When I came
out to the Effects Producer on Dante's
Peak, for example, I was suddenly invited
to the private sanction of his office after
wrap. You've seen this before, you know,
where there is cognac and illegal Cuban
cigars and man talk. And other times I
was suddenly invited to strip joints-of all
things! Bosses even asked me for tips on
good oral sex:'
"Then I was Festival Manager at Outfest,
then I made gay films. Then suddenly,
Focus on the Family started raising money
based on hating us, all the anti marriage
props [like Prop 22 in CA] came out, and
then there were problems for being gay.
Seriously. You know some vendors wouldn't
rent to us in Los Angeles when we were
shooting Eating Out 'Z? I was denied entry
to a producer Internet network because my
email was Gay Propaganda. WTF!?"
She's so engaged, so vibrant, so fully
present that it's difficult to remember
she has stage IV cancer, that she could
die. She doesn't look sick, and you can't
help wanting her not to be sick. She lived
through the AIDS crisis with friends. She
watched life one-day-at-a-time.
"I am not dead yet, and this is just what
I have to deal with. It's no better or worse
than the next person. This is just what
happened to me, so I have to deal with it
with humor and humility:'
Disalvatore wants to use her bully
pulpit to remind women to take care of
themselves by doing what she does: good
diet, yoga, meditation, pets.
"This stuff works;' she asserts. "I'm living
proof. I have lost several friends in the last
year to cancer, and sadly it was too soon
because they weren't educated enough in
how to live with the disease and go beyond
what their doctors say:'
She has some other advice: "Please do
not buy an animal off the Internet. Do not
buy from a breeder. If you like bred dogs,
find a rescue for that breed. Please go to
the shelter-those animals are beautiful and
wonderful. Don't judge them because they
are there. They have souls like everyone
else, and it's not their fault they are there.
This is someone who is going to be part of
your home, life and family. So it shouldn't
matter what they look like. You just want
a great dog or cat, and the perfect animal
companion for you!"
She leans in, entre nous, and says, "I'll
tell you, I am pretty grateful every single
day I'm alive, and I don't care who that
matters to-because it matters to me!"
(howtosaveadog.com) •
26SUMMERSISTERHOOD
28SEXYSELFTIME
32BESTBEACH READS
curve
24
MOVIES
MUSIC
BOOKS
SEX
ALLISON
MILLER
BRINGS
THE BEAT
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>>
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Getting into the groove with modern jazz drum maestro Allison Miller.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
S
he's got the beat! Allison Miller,
the multitalented, award-winning,
critically-acclaimed jazz drummer,
composer, and bandleader is the
brains behind her band Boom Tic
Boom, which features five other incredible
musicians. But Miller is also a keen collaborator with the likes of Toshi Reagon and
plays with musical icons such as Natalie
Merchant, Ani DiFranco, and Brandi Carlile. Add to this musical combo married life
and parenting, and you have something
akin to jazz itself: energetic, unpredictable, and totally awesome to hear. Currently touring with her band to promote its
full-length studio album, Otis Was a Polar
Bear, Miller took five to riff about jazz, parenting and LGBT rights. Meanwhile, catch
her on Late Night with Seth Meyers.
24
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2016
YOU BEGAN PLAYING THE DRUMS AT AGE 10.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? WAS DRUMMING
CONNECTED WITH YOUR SEXUALITY?
I had wanted to play the drums since I
can remember. Growing up in a musical
household, rhythm and melody were a
part of everyday life. We danced, sang,
and beat on every surface in the house. I
expressed my obsession with drumming
from the time I could talk but my mom insisted I learn the piano first. So, at the age
of 6, I began taking piano lessons (with my
mom). I am eternally grateful to her for insisting I learn the piano. It has made me
the musician that I am today.
I'm an '80s kid and I would watch the
garage scene in Some Kind of Wonderful
where Watts (Masterson) teaches Keith
(Stoltz) "how to kiss," over and over again.
It made me feel real funny. At the time
I thought I was crushing on Keith, but I
was actually obsessed with Watts and her
tomboy swagger. I wanted to be like her,
but I also thought she was super hot. My
churchgoing, 13-year-old self was so confused!
I don't particularly think there is a connection between my sexuality and aptness
for rhythm. I will say, though, that spending my early years surrounded by musicians, actors, artists, writers, and activists
definitely fast-forwarded my "coming out"
process. I was also such a tomboy I didn't
even realize most of the other drummers
in music class were boys. They were just
my friends and fellow drummers. I felt no
intimidation from the boys or peer pressure from the girls to play a more "girly"
REVIEWS/MU
instrument. I was kind of one of those
lucky kids who found what I loved to do,
stuck blinders on, and went for it. I always
knew I was made to play the drums. I actually think girl drummers would have intimidated me more because I would have
crushed out and followed them around
like a puppy dog.
WHAT DOES JAZZ MEAN TO YOU, AND HOW
WE CAN TURN MORE LESBIANS ONTO IT?
Jazz is freedom. As a player, it gives
me the opportunity to engage in musical
conversation. At different times in my life,
jazz improvisation has been the pathway
to euphoric, whole body, magical journeys where I completely lose myself in the
music. It's these rare moments that keep
me playing jazz. It's similar to how surfers
must feel as they relentlessly search for
the next perfect ride. Jazz also serves as
the soundtrack to my alternative lifestyle
inspiring me to live the life I wish to lead.
Womyn's Folk music caught on like
wildfire in the lesbian community, starting
in the late '60's with the birth of the feminist movement. I'm certain more queers
would be drawn to jazz if it became the
centrepiece to their community and the
current social movement. Jazz has always
been considered a social music. It pushes boundaries and questions the norm. It
demands change and encourages progress... Wouldn't it be great if we could realign jazz with our current fight against
oppression? Can you imagine if jazz was
the soundtrack to our current battle securing equality for our transgender brothers
and sisters?
later, while changing my daughter's diaper, I started singing a new melody that
was this cross between Cuban clave and
Klezmer harmony. And so soon after Josie
was born, "Fuster," the song, was born.
ARE AUDIENCES OK WHEN YOU COME OUT
ON STAGE?
I think they are craving connection and
appreciate a sense of "realness" coming
from the stage. They appreciate knowing why I wrote a song or who inspired a
song. Oftentimes jazz concerts leave the
listener feeling left out. I want the room
to feel like one big family by the time we
finish a show. And I want every single person in the room to leave inspired to make
a change. I am very proud of my sexuality
and I think it is about time all the queers in
jazz stopped hiding their sexuality. Music
and life are one and the same. I used to
hide behind my own wall of self-imposed
homophobia. It wasn't until I came out
publicly, that I was able to lift that heavy
weight off my shoulders and feel truly free.
YOU TOUR EXTENSIVELY, HOW DOES THAT
WORK AS A PARENT?
I have definitely slowed down my touring since [my wife] Rachel and I got serious. And, I have slowed my touring even
more since our daughter was born. Until
Rachel, I had a long pattern of two-year
relationships that would usually end because of my time away on the road. In
some ways, my relationship with Rachel
feels like my first mature partnership. I
knew I did not want to lose our connection. So, I made the decision to cut down
my touring schedule. And now that I'm a
parent, I try not to tour for more than two
weeks at a time. I am putting more energy
towards projects that I have artistic control
of or co-direct. Taking on more responsibility actually enables me to sculpt my
schedule to fit more with my family life. I
also bring Josie and Rachel with me whenever possible. This is great! Josie loves
Boom Tic Boom!
WE HAVE MARRIAGE EQUALITY, AND SAMESEX COUPLES CAN NOW ADOPT CHILDREN.
BUT WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THE PREJUDICE THAT IS STILL OUT THERE?
I find that most people outside the
queer community need to ask the question "Which one of you is the birth mother?" or, "How did you all do it?" I get
frustrated by these questions and personally find them off-putting. I don't think it is
anyone's business and I feel like there is an
underlying judgement behind these questions. We are Josie's mothers and that is
all that matters. [But] these are new laws
and it takes years for people to understand
them. For example, we were told both of
our names could be on our daughter's
birth certificate, even though we weren't
married. But when the social worker came
to our hospital room to fill out the birth
certificate form, she wouldn't allow me to
add my name to Josie's birth certificate.
She said we had to be married. This was
very upsetting for both of us. We definitely would have gotten married before the
birth of Josie if we had known this. Now
we are married, both of our names are on
her birth certificate, and I have legally adopted Josie. All of our bases are covered!
(allisonmiller.com) •
YOU WROTE AND DEDICATED A SONG FOR
YOUR DAUGHTER JOSIE. HOW HAS BEING A
PARENT NURTURED YOUR CREATIVITY?
Otis was a Polar Bear is inspired by my
daughter. Most of the music was written
within the first three months of her life. In
2012, my family and I took a trip to Cuba,
right before our daughter was conceived.
When we were there we fell deeply in love
with the work of Cuban folk artist Jose
Fuster. We brought a piece of his art back
with us to hang on the wall of our not yet
realized daughter's bedroom wall. Something from Grandpa Fuster! That's what
he felt like to my Jewish wife, sort of this
cross between a Cuban grandpa and a
Jewish grandpa. About a year and a half
r;LLISON MILLER'S
JUL/AUG
2016
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25
Summertime depicts lesbian love against a backdrop of feminist activism.
BY ALLIE ESSLINGER
I
n La Belle Saison (Summertime
for those of us reliant on English
language subtitles), Delphine (lifa
Higelin) and Carole (Cecile de
France) must interpret their personal
liberation in the context of 1971France and
the broader women's liberation movement
that is happening at the time. Soon after
leaving her home on a farm and settling in
Paris, Delphine meets Carole on the street
in the midst of a radical feminist political
action. Not only does Delphine fall for
Carole because she is smart, tough, and
beautiful; Carole also represents a freedom
that emboldens Delphine to explore not
only a new sexual identity, but also the
feminist awakening embodied in the motto
26
CURVE
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2016
"the personal is the political."
As both her feelings and acts of
resistance grow bolder during her time
in Paris, Delphine notices a spring in her
step and remarks that the new world that
she's discovered-a world with Carole at
its center-offers firm ground that could
launch her forward with every stride.
In the grand tradition of summer love
stories, these women are caught in a
whirlwind of ecstasy and discovery until
tragedy strikes and Delphine must return
to her family's farm. Never more aware
of the dangers of the "soft fields" she is
returning to, Delphine knows that her
first love, her land, has the tendency to
quagmire anyone who stands still too long.
In some ways, Summertime is another
coming out movie. But what veteran
director Catherine Corsini is able to do
with the powerhouse performances
by the terrific Cecile de France and the
indomitable lifa Higelin, is weave the
familiar moments of self-discovery into
the broader narrative of the early days of
the feminist movement and create a story
that we have not seen before. Corsini
pinpoints some of the larger complaints
of second wave feminism and allows
her characters to assess for themselves
the limitations within the notion of
solidarity without becoming preachy.
She addresses class and background as
obstacles for her heroines but does not
construct a gendered dichotomy within
their relationship. Thematically, this film
could have easily fallen into the safety
net of "edu-tainment" that often traps
the advocate-artist wanting to use her
story as a teachable moment, but Corsini
masterfully keeps the focus on the
women, only occasionally romanticizing
the difficult work of sisterhood. The
film's many vignettes of intimacy both
captivated and surprised me throughout
the 105 minutes of run time.
While there is, of course, a part of me
that wishes there could have been more
diversity in the film, knowing what we
know about the early days of the feminist
movement and how it lacked an affinity
for the broader issues of intersectionality,
I'm ultimately pleased that Corsini does
not opt for a false narrative around the
idealism of radical acts. Similarly, she
requires that both Carole and Delphine
tread softly throughout the second half
of the film, which gives us insight into
their individual capacity for empathy and
patience. Along with the characters, we
must realize that the opposite of passion
is both dullness and happiness; just
because the personal is political does
not mean that time and effort are not
required to connect our own desires and
ideals to our decision-making.
It is this idea that sticks with me as
I think about Summertime against the
backdrop of today's LGBTQ+ movement
and the contemporary
themes our
community now faces as we transition
from the fight for marriage equality
to a more holistic protection of queer
rights and organized actions towards
the dismantling of discrimination and
privilege.
At a recent panel tracing the history
of the feminist movement and the
contributions of queer female leaders
within it, I heard my favorite definition to
date of a lesbian: a woman who is sexually,
politically, and emotionally committed to
women. It is with that characterization in
mind that Summertime can be included
in the lesbian 'canon' of films like High Art
and Go Fish and Watermelon Womanall groundbreaking in their depiction
of women supporting women, and all
revolutionary in the stories they tell about
what it means to live in a world where that
remains dangerous and necessary and, at
times, truly liberating.
La Belle Saison opens on July 22 in New
York and Los Angeles with national
release dates to follow.
IZIA HIGELIN
NOEMIE LVOVSKY
UN FILM DE CATHERINE CORSINI
K£VINAZATS
dam_g
~t,UC\'kk-o.<..-om
IEWStSEX
PAGES
TO
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ON
From erotic fiction to mastering masturbation.
av vANA TALLoN-H1cKs
The
U~mate
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toSo]o
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Best
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Erotica
Edited
bySaachi
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(Cleis
Press)
The
Ultimate
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toSolo
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ByJenny
Block
(Cleis
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Two decades ago, Tristan Taormina and Cleis Press published the first
The other day I masturbated on my yoga mat, in the middle of my living
volume of Best Lesbian Erotica. One decade ago, I started working
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as a sex educator and sales associate at Good Vibrations, the famed
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purveyor of feminist sex toys in San Francisco, and I was reading that
relieving that I thought, Why not also get downward dog with my downward
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new position.
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As a tech-obsessed baby-queer millennial-freshly
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Masturbation is a multipurpose practice: It relieves stress and physical
and newly introduced to the wonderful world of sex toys (thanks,
pain, it gives us the opportunity to explore new sexual pleasures to bring into
GoodVibes!), CrashPadSeries.com porn (double thanks, GoodVibesl),
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and the gorgeous utopia of queer San Francisco hotties-1 confess
And yet, whether through social stigma, partner insecurities, or mass-
that a paperback erotica anthology was at the bottom of my list of
media messages of "how sex should go," masturbation is still made invisible
priorities. Except for encountering a breathy, barely dressed blonde
as a viable option for our sex lives. Jenny Block is over this trend. In her latest
in the pages of a tattered romance novel left at your grandmother's
beach house, who even reads erotica
I?
Turns out, I do. And Cleis
Press's Best Lesbian Erotica series is the reason why.
The brain is undoubtedly our largest sex organ. So it's no surprise
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"Masturbation helps to remind women who we belong to-no one but
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that exercising it to read the lip-biting, seat-shifting, boo-sexting
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people we owe anything to are ourselves. We owe ourselves pleasure."
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Double-Lambda-Award-winning
Sexual pleasure isn't just an indulgence, Block tells us, but a right that any
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Sacchi Green has edited Best
of our bank account, body shape, identity, or who we choose to get sexy
Lesbian Erotica 20th Anniversary Edition to include what's different,
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rom capes and castles to sparkly skin and adolescent angst, the
vampire is a creature that writers have created and recreated
over the centuries very much in their
own ideological
image. Like Dracula, Edward Cullen, and Lestat de Lioncourt, Gilda, the title character of
the groundbreaking
novel The Gilda
Stories (reissued by City Lights in an
expanded 25th anniversary edition),
is the bearer of a unique vampire mythology. She is a fugitive slave in 1850s
Louisiana as the novel opens, and her
story is told from a lesbian-feminist
perspective.
Years
before
African-American
authors such as Octavia Butler and
Tananarive Due began refashioning
narratives of the undead with queer
black female protagonists
at their
center,
Jewelle
Gomez pioneered
what is now a recognizable vampire
sub-genre with Gilda, the winner of
two Lambda Literary Awards.
"In 1991, when Gilda was first published, there wasn't anything like it,"
Gomez says from her home in the Bay
Area. "As I began working on the book
with my editor, she asked me how I
was going to write about a vampire
that was not a serial killer. As a lesbian feminist, everything I write comes
from that perspective, so I work extra hard to make sure that my work
doesn't come across as exploitative,
and to create characters that live up
to the values that are core to me."
Gomez achieved her aim by creating vampires that take blood without
killing and leave those they drink from
with enriched dreams and a sense of
well-being. Further, by steering clear
of such staples of the vampire genre as
guilt, violence, and suppressed erotic
desire, Gomez relies upon values, not
vices, to delineate
her characters.
Reciprocity, reproductive
constraint,
and the right to end one's life on one's
own terms are some of the issues Gomez deftly explores, and she does so
in part by writing a vampire story that
is also a piece of speculative fiction.
At the end of the novel, which takes
place in the middle of the 21st century, Gilda is again hunted. Only instead
of fleeing a 19th-century slave master,
VAMPIRE
VALUES
The eternal power of Jewelle Gomez's The Gilda Stories.
BY VICTORIA
BOND
30
JUL/AUG
CURVE
2016
''
MY EDITORASKED ME
HOW I WAS GOING
TO WRITEABOUT A
VAMPIRETHAT WAS
NOT A SERIALKlLLER.
AS A LESBIAN FEMINIST,
I WORK EXTRAHARD TO
CREATECHARACTERS
THAT LIVE UP TO THE
VALUESTHAT ARE
CORE TO ME.
she's now running from wealthy people who want to use vampire blood to
live prolonged, robust lives in a world
of environmental collapse. "Gilda's invested in her sense of responsibility,
which grows out of her power," Gomez says. "This message runs counter
to the capitalistic system in which we
live. Speculative fiction is not about
prophecy-it
is about carefully considering the world we live in today, right
now."
"In the speculative
fiction classes I've visited on college campuses
across the country, what I call the
post-Buffy audience wants to discuss
sci-fi within a social consciousness
context. Fracking, the flagrant disregard that government agencies show
for resources like clean water, a lack of
commitment to envisioning our part in
the future: These things spell longrange fallout, and growing up with my
great-grandmother,
who was a Native
American born in 1883, I have always
had a sense of the long term."
A
Native
American
character
called Bird, who is based on Gomez's
great-grandmother,
is one of two
women who turn Gilda, as well as
teach her how to live as a "human who
is no longer mortal." Over the 200year span of the novel, Gilda thrives,
in Gomez's words, "not only on blood,
but on her connectivity
to other human beings." This statement is also
true of the novel itself.
The theater company Urban Bush
Women adapted Gilda for the stage
and the play traveled to 13 cities. A
young woman at a Florida book-signing presented a battered copy of the
novel to Gomez, recounting for the
author that when a hurricane hit, Gilda
was the only book she thought to save
from her badly damaged home. And in
a lovely afterward in the novel's new
edition, the scholar and activist Alexis
Pauline Gumbs writes that her mother
keeps Gilda right where she belongs:
on the self-help shelf.
Part of why the novel has achieved
classic status is because of Gomez's
ingenious reframing of blood-taking.
By scripting the act as an exchange
instead of one of murderous thievery,
Gomez not only contributed
to vampire mythology, but she did so based
on what she believed to be "possible
as a feminist."
The Gilda Stories has endured for 25
years and will for many more because
it expands the vampire narrative with
its vision of a responsible, compassionate, woman-centered
power. It's
a game-changing shot in the arm to
the genre, and an eternal inspiration
to readers. (jewellegomez.com) •
BEST
BEACH
READS
Reading to relax with, by lesbian authors.
THE FUN FACTOR:
Between Lena Dunham, Amy Schumer
and the Broad City gals, we're experiencing
some great peaks of bawdy female humor
so I feel I'm in good company. I definitely
did giggle like a loony while writing some
of the funnier sequences and one-liners,
which felt promising, and the first time I
read out a scene at a writers' residency I
got a fantastic response, which was awesome.
THE FRIEND FACTOR:
I moved to New York from Australia when
I was 29. I didn't know anyone in the city, I
didn't have a job, a visa, or a place to live.
Luckily for me, I met and cultivated a wonderful group of friends who mean the world
to me. My friends have always been a place
where I find myself. In them I learn who I
am, what I like, what's important to me. And
my female friendships have always been
the closest of them all.
THE MESSAGE:
I wrote The Regulars because I wanted
to
join
the conversation about beauty. How
..............................................................................................................................................................
do unrealistic beauty standards affect real
THE INSPIRATION:
women even if they're smart and feminist?
I'd wanted to write about beauty for a
plishment in itself or a true value for womHow much does your appearance affect
while. I was at home, editing my last book,
en. However, she can't help but wonder if
your personality? I've struggled with poor
glass of wine in hand, and the idea of a sebeing superhot would make her life betself-esteem relating to my appearance, so
rum that turns you pretty popped into my
ter-same. I created Evie as bisexual-with-aI wanted to write about three regular girls
head. As I sat there, a scene began playing
chance-of-gay because that's exactly who
going through some of the same things I'd
in my head, as fully formed as a movie:
I was at 23. It is super-important for me to
gone through. I wanted to write a story that
Three different girls in a grounded real-life
include queer characters in my work.
honestly represented my world: a world
world, a potion, an unexpected transformathat is liberal, queer, multicultural, bohetion .... When it ended, I knew instantly that
THE HOLLYWOOD FACTOR:
mian and creative. I wanted to write about
I have a fancy Hollywood agent who
it could be a novel. Moral of the story: listen
girls who kiss girls because I do it and I love
believes this book will make a great movto your daydreams.
it. Thirdly, I wanted to create funny feminist
pop culture. Because we could all use a lot
ie. I think Mia Wasikowska would make
a great Willow: she can be very subtle
THE QUEER APPEAL:
more of that.
Evie is a 23-year-old underpaid, overand interior. Mozart In The Jungle's Hanworked copy editor for a glossy women's
nah Dunne could be a cool Evie. Krista is THE LAUNCH:
South-East Asian: a younger, less famous
Meet me at my book launch at Powermagazine called Salty. I spent my formahouse Books in DUMBO, NYC, on WednesMindy Kaling. The rest of that unlimited
tive years in magazine land. Evie is queerbudget would be spent on helicopters and
same. She online dates poorly-same. She
day August 3. There'll be champagne! And
snacks! (georgiaclark.com)
chocolate fountains.
understands that beauty is not an accom-
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REVIEWS/
BO
KATE
CARROLL
DE
GUTES:
OBJECTS
INMIRROR
ARE
CLOSER
THAN
THEY
APPEAR
DeGutes recently won a Lambda Literary Award, beating out the likes of Cat Cora and Carrie Brownstein for
this innovative, associative, autobiographical work of creative nonfiction. The book is structured as a collection of
memory essays that chart the milestones in this particular
lesbian's life, gradually piecing together the demise of her
23-year marriage. It's a bittersweet book, with recognizable
references to Ikea furniture, cherished shared possessions,
and the keepsakes that trace a meaningful relationship that
was once viewed as permanent. Visual and sensual, simple
and poetic, it's a non-chronological mediation on gender,
coming out, sexuality, and the maturation of butch identity.
It moves from illicit schoolgirl crush to first kiss to divorce,
with some impeccable home renovations in between. This
is a dreamy and cathartic read, especially if you've been
through a breakup.
GABRIELLE
GLANCY:
VERA
This very queer gem of a book was written 20 years ago and
honored with "a dazzling slew of rejections;' according to Glancy, who eventually gave up on her manuscript until she was
inspired by the success of Transparent to unearth it from her
attic and send it out again. Finally,this wonderful, literary, funny,
and sexy roman clef was published by Oneiric Press.The story, which is set on the West Coast in the 1990s, concerns itself
with Glancy's obsessive pursuit of the one that got away-an androgynous Russian girl named Vera, who is obsessed with the
Unabomber more than she is with Glancy. Along the way, we
enjoy some sexy lesbian encounters, polymorphous dalliances
with a couple of men, and, like Glancy herself, we try to come
to terms with the effects of a lesbian love that doesn't work out,
but which nevertheless leaves an indelible impression on our
psyches. Not always a comfortable read, Vera is by turns mystifying, hilarious, admirable, and always hard to put down.
a
JUL/AUG
2016
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33
1Ews1BOOKS
BEST
BEACH
READS
KATIE
LYNCH:
CONFUCIUS
JANE
This charming, easy-to-read novel is set between New
York City's Upper East Side and Chinatown, and celebrates
the delicate bloom of cross-cultural and bi-racial lesbian
love. Aspiring poet and fortune cookie worker Jane falls head
over heels for upper crust cutie and medical student Sutton.
But complications ensue when Sutton's bigwig father disapproves of his daughter's choice of romantic partner-even
as he hides a major indiscretion of his own. There's a lot to
enjoy here: humor, poetry, dumpling slurping, yummy dim
sum, sexy time, and a good dose of scandal and suspense,
too. Wrapped inside its thoughtful plot is a heartening message: love might begin with luck, but it endures with courage and commitment. The novel sparkles with authenticity:
Lynch was inspired by her own relationship with her wife
who is second-generation Chinese American.
MICHELLE
TEA:
BLACK
WAVE
LGBT lit legend Michelle Tea, who is the author and co-editor of 15 books, has made an impression with her latest novel, Black Wave, on the likes of Jill Soloway and Eileen Myles,
who calls it a "bad fairytale come true." Set in San Francisco and L.A. in 1999, the book began its life as a traditional
memoir, attempting to come to grips with the demise of a
long-term relationship, but morphed into something else
entirely: a meta-narrative that questions the nature of truth
itself. Aided by her choice to name the narrator Michelle,
and freely and creatively narrate her experiences-real and
imagined-the result is a powerful work set at the precipice
of the millennium, about the attempt to end addiction-to
drugs, to love-experienced
by so many queer people in
this brave new world. So strap yourself in and get ready to
go on a glittering, grungy, dystopian ride, written in Tea's
best crisp and uncompromising prose style.
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0
CHAR GLASSER'SBACHELORSTYLE
4
IN MEMORIAM·. 0 RLANDO
JUL/AUG
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STYLE/
B.
on my American notions of
male production staged for an
xclusively female audience, I was
expecting the black-box-theater equivalent
of a dive bar. But kitschy underground is
not what the Takarazuka has to offer, and
instead I found myself lining up in front of
the grand-staircased, crimson-carpeted,
velvet-seated Takarazuka Tokyo Theater
early on a Saturday morning, hoping to get
a ticket for the 11 a.m. show, while other
women-women
who knew enough to
buy their tickets well in advance-gathered
together in groups demarcated by scarf
color. The scarves identify the fan clubs of
each popular otokoyaku (male role player)
and musumeyaku (female role player), and
the scarf-wearing women arrive early to
each and every performance in order to line
up, front rows kneeling, and ritualistically
proffer cards and small gifts to their
favorite stars. (Since it was chilly, I walked
up wearing an eggshell blue scarf picked
through with maroon and navy paisley,
leading to a lot of warily appraising looks
from fans trying to figure out my seemingly
lunatic proclamation of allegiance.)
Once everyone has arrived, over 1,000
women routinely press into the theater
and head straight to the gift shop for
the mass consumption of souvenirs
featuring
gender-bending
faces-the
otokoyaku are women meant to play male
without ever becoming too masculine.
Described constantly as "ideal men;' the
otokoyaku embody everything heroic,
romantic, and handsome in a highly
stylized notion of masculinity, one that is
never disappointingly confined to reality.
The goal isn't impeccable drag king or
indistinguishable androgyny, but rather
a carefully cultivated physicality; specific
modes of speech and behavior are taught
to each generation of otokoyaku by their
predecessors, all to please the desires of
their female audience.
The musumeyaku, on the other hand, are
meant to also play highly stylized gender
roles, but their exaggerated femininity is
a prop to the otokoyaku. The Takarazuka
Revue'sEnglish language website declares,
"Despite being women, the otokoyaku
wear an air of male sexuality, while the
musumeyaku help them stand out. If one
or the other were gone, the Takarazuka
Revue would be nothing." The website
PERFORMANCE
also notes that the otokoyaku can be most
easily distinguished by their short hair,
the musumeyaku by their long hair. And
it is true-the gender binary is so clearly
enforced on stage that you will never
lose track of whether a character is male
or female. It's no wonder, then, that the
otokoyaku, who are women performing
outside of the gender norms they were
born into, are more popular with the
audience than the women who are stuck in
heteronormative femininity.
The revue was founded in 1914 by
Hankyu Railwayexecutive lchizo Kobayashi;
its purpose was to lure train passengers to
a failed resort, where the first audiences
sat in what had previously been the inground swimming pool. But the founder's
commercial enterprise had always been
twinned with a social aim-as Jennifer
Robertson, a professor of anthropology
and art history at the University of Michigan
and the author of Takarazuka: Sexual
Politics and Popular Culture in Modern
Japan, notes: "Kobayashi's ostensible
intentions in having females perform as
men on stage was to allow potentially
disruptive 'modern girls' to sow their oats
in a sanctioned context [the revue], and
later, when they retired, to parlay their firsthand experience of performing as men into
their 'real' profession as married women.
He believed that otokoyaku made the best
wives, as, having performed as men, they
would be able to anticipate and satisfy the
needs of their real-life husbands:'
With the goal of protecting the revue
from an unsavory reputation (women
on stage had previously been outlawed
in Japan due to prostitution in kabuki
theaters) and promoting the concept of
the female revue as societal betterment,
the Takarazuka Music School is the highly
selective two-year performing arts school
from which every Takarasienne (think
"Parisienne") must graduate-after
a
curriculum of dance, singing, drama, and
strict etiquette; this last subject is taught
by military personnel and enforced by
the senior class. Most students, and even
many performing Takarasiennes, live in the
school's dormitory, and all must live by the
unwritten Violet Code of Behavior, which
is premised on a motto that translates as
either "Modesty, Fairness, and Grace" or
"Purely, Righteously, Beautifully:'
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Students and performers are to remain
virginal and unmarried-virginal to uphold
the morality of the revue, unmarried in
order not to spoil the pure, righteous,
beautiful fantasy of both the fans and the
Takarasiennesthemselves. Of course, there
can be a difference between perceptionor promoted corporate image-and reality,
and asking hundreds of young women at a
time to suspend their feelings and desires
for years is, well, asking quite a lot.
Leonie R. Stickland, who is the author
of Gender Gymnastics: Performing and
Consuming Japan's Takarazuka Revue, a
lecturer in Japanese at Murdoch University
in Australia, and a former translator
and voice actor for the revue herself,
repeated to me a story she heard from
a Takarasienne friend: "During her two
years at the Takarazuka Music School,
nearly everyone was part of a 'couple,' as
was she herself, but only the individuals
themselves knew whether these couplings
included any actual sexual behavior. Then
again, according to her, many of the girls
who lived at the Violet Dormitory (Sumire
Ryo) also experimented with dating boys,
because for many of them it was the first
time they were not under the watchful eye
of their parents 24/7:'
This echoes what former Takarasienne
and now out lesbian and LGBT activist
Koyuki Higashi told me, via her wife, Hiroko
Masuhara, who acted as our translator.
Higashi knew she was a lesbian when she
attended the music school, right out of high
school, but before then she'd had only one
lesbian friend and, given the taboo against
being gay at the time and Takarazuka's
strictness, felt she "couldn't tell anyone:'
She knew there was something like
relationships between other students, but it
was never very clear what sort these were.
"If there was a relationship, they didn't tell
anyone:'
Stickland adds, "Even if Takarazuka
Music School students or performers do
form same-sex couples with one another,
or sometimes with a person outside the
revue, this is not seen as choosing to be
a lesbian, and is definitely not seen as a
lifelong choice. If anything, they have to
learn to be the targets of love and affection
from women who play the opposite gender
in their stage roles, and their off-stage
behavior perhaps could be interpreted as
practicing for their stage roles:'
Within the revue's administration,
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public adamance against any suggestion
of lesbianism probably stems from its
early history, when, as Robertson notes
in Takarazuka, an alleged affair in 1929
between otokoyaku Miyako Nara and film
actress Yaeko Mizutani got into the press;
and when the rival Shochiku Revue'sfemale
role player Eriko Saijo and her partner,
Yasumare Masuda, attempted a double
suicide in 1935, this also made it into the
papers. According to Robertson's research,
articles from the 1930s blamed otokoyaku
for an increase in lesbianism, and for a time,
Takarasienneswere not allowed to respond
to fan mail.
But today, relationships that aren't seen
as threatening to the company's image
may be tolerated, given that Takarazuka
employs
many
people,
and their
lifestyles and points of view are bound
to be more various than what company
policy dictates. Stickland knows about a
Takarasienne troupe leader who, with her
transgender partner, "ran a bar that was
frequented by many performers and staff
from the revue. Everyone knew that the
two were living together."
She adds, "I know another couple who
have been together for decades-again,
not top stars, but very well-respected
performers. Everyone knew that they were
a couple. I suspect that a top star, whose
popularity is seen to be in jeopardy from
rumors of her same-sex pairing, might
be told by the administration to be more
discreet, or, if it were thought to be more
effective, perhaps she and her partner
would be placed in different troupes,
so that they would hardly ever be in
the same place at the same time! I have
heard rumors about one pair who were
apparently split up in that way, against
their wishes."
Not only has the administration been
silent on the subject of Higashi and
Masuhara's symbolic wedding at Tokyo
DisneySea in 2013, though it was reported
in the international media, it has also
declined to comment on the marriage
certificate they received from Tokyo's
Shibuya Ward in 2015, though theirs was
the first same-sex marriage certificate
issued in Japan. Some of Higashi's
classmates have been supportive, and a
Takarasienne two years her senior sang
at their wedding. Some fans have had
"THE
WOMEN
PERFORMING
OUTSIDE
OFTHE
GENDER
NORMS
THEY
WERE
BORN
INTO
ARE
MORE
POPULAR
WITH
THE
AUDIENCE
THAN
THE
WOMEN
WHO
ARE
STUCK
IN
HETERONORMATIVE
FEMININITY."
THE TAKARAZUKA REVUE'S 'CHICAGO'
Don't miss the legendary all-female
version of the hit musical at Lincoln
Center, New York City, July 20-24.
Tickets: Iincol ncenterfestiva I.org
STYLE/
a positive reaction as well, while others
have called it "annoying" because,
Masuhara told me, "Some people already
think Koyuki's fans are lesbians because
they like Takarazuka, and her coming
out would reinforce this image:' Higashi
and Masuhara estimate that there are
about 4,000 past and present Takarazuka
actresses-and so far, only Higashi has
come out publicly.
The documentary Dream Girls, from
Kim Longinotto and Jano Williams (also
watch Shinjuku Boys), gives the best
glimpse of how fervently fans love
Takarazuka-second only to witnessing it
for yourself. "Admiration"-or, in Japanese,
akogare-is the word consistently used.
This also means that Takarasiennes are
never off the clock-not where they might
possibly encounter a fan. "Fans will write
letters to their favorite performer, often
giving appraisals of her performance, and
this may include comments about her
appearance and demeanor offstage.
Certainly, the onstage gender tends
to be reflected in the clothing, hairstyle,
makeup, and colors that the performers
wear offstage, as there is always such a
crowd outside the stage door, and so the
performers are scrutinized-and
these
days are likely to be filmed and uploaded
to YouTube. One of my close friends, an
otokoyaku in the early 1980s, told me that
her girlfriend [a more senior musumeyaku]
would coach her on how to walk, talk,
smoke, and everything, molding my friend
into the musumeyaku's ideal image of an
otokoyaku," Stickland says.
It is all about the dream world of
Takarazuka, after all. In that space, under
those lights, the Takarasiennes know
exactly how to draw the audience in.
When I saw Don Carlos, the entire house
wept. Everyone-all the way back to the
last, unofficial row in the balcony, where
metal folding chairs had been placed for
the over-capacity crowd-leaned forward
in their seats, as though physically pulled
toward the tragic love on the stage.
Opera glasses were removed only long
enough to wipe away tears.
It was no gimmick that every performer
onstage was a woman. Hollywood
may still be struggling with whether
female leads can carry a film, but the
Takarasiennes give the lie to that every
PERFORMANCE
time they perform to an enthralled
audience and a packed house. Even
with a language barrier, watching the
physicality and facial expressions on a
stage filled only with women-regardless
of the gender they perform-and feeling
the control they have over that audience
with their bodies and their voices, their
power over the mood of the entire room
is a thing to behold.
It has been pointed out so frequently
that Takarazuka is not a lesbian
theater that the effect of the warning/
admonition/company
line has become
farcical to me. Takarazuka is not a lesbian
theater, except that...when you gather
thousands of women together for over
a century of shared culture and history
in an environment based on adoration
and admiration between women, then
lesbians are exceptionally well positioned
to understand and recognize all that
akogare-admiration/longing/yearning/
aspiration.
And this July, as part of the Lincoln
Center Festival, we'll be able to experience
that unique brand of Takarazuka-induced
akogare for ourselves. •
If you've attended a queer women's event lately, it's likely that Charlotte "Char" Glasser,
partner at uber-cool girls' night, Hot Rabbit, played a role in it. She emceed the Club
Skirts Dinah Shore opening party to kick-off what is known as one of the largest lesbian
events in the United States; she was a host at Miami's Aqua Girl, the largest charity event
week in the world for women who love women; she co-produced The LGBT Center's
Women's Event 18 afterparty; she co-produced the afterparty for dapperQ's queer New
York Fashion Week Brooklyn Museum runway show; and she regularly curates awardwinning weekly LGBTQ events in New York City.
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STYLE/PROFILE
As if the celesbian limelight doesn't
keep Char busy enough, she's also a
creative director at The Vintage Brands,
a concept jewelry destination with a
brick and mortar location in Malibu
California. The Vintage Brands offers
a vast and unique inventory filled with
luxury names such as Cartier, Kwiat,
Rolex, Hermes and more in jewelry,
watches and handbags. Despite being
surrounded
by single women and
working with clientele in search of
engagement, wedding, and anniversary
rings, Char has yet to make a love
connection with that special someone.
But she's definitely ready to "put a ring
on it" and has been perusing the singles
scene in style.
you get what your other half actually
wants, not what you think they want.
Gifts of love should be thoughtful
and meaningful rather than simply
conforming to society's expectations of
size or cost.
WHAT'S YOUR PERSONAL STYLE?
I buy the majority of my items from
the boy's department at Zara. I have
always really liked formalwear, suits,
and button downs. But I also wear
snapbacks every other day. I'm mostly
androgynous with a slight tilt toward
a more masculine presenting style. I
like layers, so it's really hard for me in
warmer months because I want to stack
T-shirts, hoodies, flannels, jackets and
accessories.
WHO IS YOUR IDEAL WOMAN?
My perfect woman is incredibly smart
and interesting. I love a woman who
radiates powerful energy and who
makes me feel good when I'm around
her; a woman who genuinely wants to
be partners, who can do things I can't,
and who wants my help on the things
she appreciates about me. We'd have
to really like each other because love
isn't enough. I want to be with a girl
for whom the honeymoon phase never
ends.
THE PERFECT ENGAGEMENT RING?
The most important advice I would give
to someone proposing is make sure
WHAT'S YOUR GO-TO DATE NIGHT OUTFIT?
Anything and everything black. Black
leather boots. Black skinnies. Black
oversized T-shirt. Black bomber. Black
Boston snapback. Top it all off with
some accessories from The Vintage
Brands. (Not even joking, best part of
the Vintage Brands job!)
WHAT'S YOUR DATING MINDSET?
I take commitment very seriously. It
takes a lot for me to want to "title up."
I have come to an age and a point in
my life where, if I am going to take that
step, it has to be an uncompromising fit.
(vintagemalibu.com)
52FAMILYTIES
56FIGHTING FOROUR FURKIDS
58
TRANSGENDERTRAILBLAZER
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FEATURES/
WEDDI
TbaiSmile
A wedding and a feast for the soul on a beach in Thailand.
Lizz LaRouge, 30, and Guinevere
Short, 32, met in early 2013 on a
dancefloor on an island paradise in
Thailand. The year was still new and full
of possibilities, and they met only as
friends. At the time, they didn't know
that they, and those around them, would
soon become "soul family."
After returning to their ordinary lives
and staying in touch as friends for nine
months (Guinevere was straight), they
connected again in California, once
more as friends, this time on a road trip.
But within days, sparks flew and hearts
fused. Three months later on vacation
in another island paradise-this
time
Hawaii-Lizz experienced an epiphany
mid-meditation
that Guinevere was
"the one." Lizz proposed via a poem,
Guinevere accepted, and the couple
wed on that island paradise where
they had first met. An eclectic mix of
international friends, many of whom
the couple had first met on that Thai
dancefloor, had become a community
who bestowed upon them everything
they required for their nuptials, including
a beachfront bungalow venue, music,
DJs, food, drink, and decor.
Lizz and Guinevere's gowns were
provided
by their
up-and-coming
designer friend Kira Buck of Flying
Horses LA. Rings were designed by
jeweler friends from San Diego, Flight of
Fancy, who custom-created bands over
Skype and email. The couple wrote and
exchanged "soul vows," witnessed by
250 friends, who feasted on the catering
of Michelin-starred chef Bradley Kayne,
who flew from the US especially to
create a casual buffet-style meal on the
beach for his friends. Everyone danced
the night away under the stars to a
musical journey that continues today.•
JUL/AUG
2016
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45
A Connecticut couple takes their
PHOTOS BY ESTEBAN GIL
Amy Schock and Lisa Tedesco, both 30,
were aware of each other in high school
in Connecticut, but it was the Internet that
brought them together. "A co-worker of
mine was dating online and asked me if I
knew a certain girl, because she graduated
the same year I did from the same high
school," explains Lisa. "It was Amy, and of
course I recognized her. Their date turned
out to be a flop, so Amy and I started
talking and hanging out. Eventually, we
knew that we were meant to be."
Lisa proposed to Amy in Central
Park, New York, in front of the Alice in
Wonderland sculpture. "Amy is an English
major and that's her favorite fable;' says
Lisa, who wooed her bride-to-be with a
hand-written poem that included lyrics
to their favorite songs and a princess cut
diamond she had picked out for her. Amy
said yes. Who wouldn't?
Two years later, the couple wed at the
Branford House Mansion at Avery Point
in Groton, Connecticut, in a 1920s, Great
Gatsby inspired reception featuring cool
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speakeasy-inspired cocktails, a jazz band,
and a vintage car. The wedding rings
featured sapphires (blue is their favorite
color). Amy's ring was by Gemvara and
Lisa's was by Nodeform. Gowns were
supplied by Mod Cloth and locally by The
White Dress By The Shore. The couple's
officiant, Christina Morin, also coordinated
the reception. The couple chose a hand
fasting ceremony with words chosen from
their favorite classic novels. There were
plentiful cupcakes-some
with rainbow
frosting-for guests, and a sweetheart cake
for the brides, courtesy of NORA Cupcake
Company in Middletown, CT. The wedding
march was "Somewhere Over the Rainbow,"
and guests were serenaded at cocktail hour
by NYC cabaret and musical comedy artist
Camille Harris. They danced the night away
to jazz tunes played by Brooklyn-based
gigmasters Oh La La. Instead of a photo
booth, Jackson and Richardson Caricatures
were on hand to make portraits of guests
as keepsakes. The happy couple is likely
taking their honeymoon in Bali as you read
this. The End.•
9·························································••••••••••••••••••••••
••••••••••••••••
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••·F
QueenJ
m1J{Jteerci,ButNoBridezillI/e
a:re
1
Thefkst Party of Our Lives by Sarnh Galvin offers inspir
ing stories of real gay weddings.
PHOTO BY NATE GOWDY PHOTOGRAPHY
This collection of
heartwarming essays
featuring real life male and
female same-sex couples
collects personal stories
of true romance from
proposal and engagement
to the ins and outs of every
aspect of a wedding-the
type of invitations sent to
the type of booze served.
Marriage equality took
us all by surpise, and this
little book captures that
while presenting a genuine
kaleidoscope of the state of
our unions today.
JUL/AUG
2016
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47
r
'> l"i
1
Eihiml
I
I
Elegance
)
. .
............
........................................
A wedding couturier takes
a stand against homophob· 1a.
FEATURES/
edding
designer
Sanyukta
Shrestha wanted to make a
bold global statement against
homophobia and transphobia. Two days
before the International Day Against
Homophobia in May, the UK-based
couturier launched a new line of ethically
aware bridal couture. Having heard many
heartbreaking stories of discrimination
from her bridal customers and other LGBT
wedding industry professionals, Sanyukta
decided to come out as a lesbian-friendly
couturier, happy to help couples find their
dream wedding attire.
The award-winning designer recognizes
that it is difficult for same-sex brides to find
a dress that compliments their partner's
wedding attire, especially if it is a femmefemme couple. She also understands
that brides shouldn't be limited to just a
heteronormative choice of either gowns
or tuxedos. While the Eco Goddess and
Ameya Flower Girl Collections come in
classic ivory, champagne and cream, and
feature traditional beading, lacework,
and embellishments, the 2017 collection
also pushes the boundaries by adding
fashion-forward jumpsuits, suits, and
blazers that echo and complement the
collection's full-length gowns. As well as
catering to a bride's unique individuality,
Sanyukta is ethical. Her bridal attire is
made of eco-friendly, organic, fair-trade
fabrics like bamboo, hemp and organic
silk. Plus, 10 percent of all purchases goes
to Sanyukta's Nepal Earthquake Aid Relief.
(sanyuktashrestha.com) •
WEDDI
Photos: Charise Ash
Art Direction: Taralyn Thuot
Styling: Tashina Hill
Hair and Makeup: Stormy Brady
Models: Liza Tennis and Caitlin
Vultaggio
Location: The Nines Hotel
emmes can't have all the fun;
weddings are feasts for badass
butches too. Just take it from
models of matrimony, Liza Tennis and
Caitlin Vultaggio. In this spread, they
proudly show off the simple and ready-towear tomboy comfort of Portland-based
Wildfang's Lucca Couture collection.
No need to stress on the big day: just
relax and be yourself in a tailored, lightweight
Ryder Double Breasted black
blazer paired with Poitier pants, or the
white Hawn blazer matched with white
Kennedy shorts. This range is priced
comfortably, too, with suit pieces $78 to
$168, and accessories starting at $18.
(wildfang.com) •
~amily
cnoice
love
MaKes
UsRea
Emotion, not biology, is the key to motherhood.
BY SARAH HAHN CAMPBELL
When my daughter Mitike had been home from Ethiopia for only four months,
we flew to visit a friend in California. As I sat happily watching Mitike slap the plane
window, a large man across the aisle grunted, "She yours?" I nodded, glowing. Yes.
This 20-month-old little girl was my daughter, and I was head over heels in love. "From
Africa?" Again, I nodded, studying Mitike's pudgy cheeks, her bright dark eyes, her
perfect pearls of teeth. I still couldn't believe I'd completed the complicated adoption
process: more than 30 documents were involved, as well as home visits, visas, the
required notarizations and shots, and then the intense journey over to Addis Ababa.
Now, one of us was immersed in diapers, the other in learning English. Together,
we were learning how to be mother and daughter.
"Yeah?" the man said. "Why the hell didn't you just go the easy route and
get knocked up?"
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2016
Later, a friend told me I should have shot
back: "What, and continue gene pools like
yours?" Or, "If you're offering, no thanks." In
the moment, I only wanted to dissolve into
tears. The "easy route"? The difficult route
would have been 1) staying married to a
man, so I could have my "own" children,
even though I'd discovered at age 28 that
I was gay; or 2) asking that good man who
had been my husband to be a sperm donor
for me.
"Mama, cloud! Cloud!" Mitike was
slapping the window hard, shouting.
"Cloud, Mama!" I turned toward her,
grateful for the distraction. The truth is,
Mr. Rude Airplane Guy, Mitike and I were
supposed to find each other.
The night after I announced to a room
full of friends on my 30th birthday that
I didn't need to have children of my own,
I stayed up late, feverishly scrutinizing
international adoption websites. Suddenly
and immediately, I needed to become a
mother. My breasts ached, heavy. And
then, just as suddenly, after a random
mouse click, all these Ethiopian children
gazed back at me, and I knew: My daughter
lived there.
I used to embellish this story for Mitike,
telling her that one night in 2007, I was
out for an evening walk in our Juneau
neighborhood when I heard a baby cry out
from far across the ocean. When I stopped
to listen, I'd say, I realized the little voice was
crying, "Mommy! Mommy!" "And then,"
Mitike would say, interrupting me, "you took
an airplane all the way to Ethiopia to bring
me home."
Now that Mitike and I have been
mother and daughter for seven years,
focused more on how to finish afternoon
homework and still fit in time to read Harry
Potter, people surprise us both with their
often-rude questions. A classmate of hers:
"Is she your real mom?" A student of mine:
"Do you think you'll ever have kids of your
own, Miss?" A friend: "Do you think you'll
regret not giving birth?"
Away from these intrusions, Mitike and I
don't often think about the nontraditional
way we became mother and daughter. We
may not be genetically related, but seven
years together means we laugh the same
way, worry the same way and cross our
legs the same way when we're immersed in
a good book. Some moments, she wraps
me in a hug; others, she rolls her eyes at
FEATURES/
me and stomps away. We're mother and
daughter as much as any biological mother
and daughter are. And in the past two years,
Meredith (who has just recently become
my wife) has become Mitike's other mother
just as easily. "Moms!" Mitike will call out as
she brandishes her math homework, or a
drawing, or a book she hopes one of us will
read to her. In our house, we know that it
doesn't matter how families are formedwhat matters is that they're formed in love.
A few weeks ago, Mitike, tired and
frustrated that we'd asked her to brush her
teeth and get ready for bed, shouted at us,
"You're not even my real moms, so I don't
have to do what you say!"
Meredith's eyes widened with hurt.
"What is a real mom, do you think?"
Mitike stared past her with half-lidded,
bloodshot eyes, her little arms crossed. It
was past her bedtime. As I propelled her
toward her room, I thought about all the
children who ask Mitike who her "real" mom
is. I thought about the biological mothers
in the world who beat their children, who
neglect them, who leave them. What is a
real mother? Meredith and I make meals for
Mitike, we read to her, we take her outside
to get exercise, we cuddle with her, we help
her with her homework, we treat her to ice
cream, we take her on road trips, we cheer
for her at soccer games, we save for her
college education, we tuck her into bed
when she's tired, we love her. What's more
real than all that?
The next morning, Mitike crawled into
bed between us, snuggling close. "You
are my real moms," she murmured, her
sleep-warm cheeks against ours. "It's true
because I feel it." I closed my eyes, aware
as I often am that Mitike will grow up too
soon, that she won't want to cuddle with
us, or spend all her time with us, or tell us
everything that is in her mind and heart.
"I'm sorry I said you weren't my real
moms," she added.
We wrapped our arms around her
and held her close, and because it was
Saturday morning and we could, we all fell
asleep a while longer, and then we woke to
make waffles and sit on our front porch to
watch the neighborhood.
Meredith and I did not create Mitike with
our bodies, and there is a certain grief to
that. But we have created this family with
our love for each other and for her. And that
makes all three of us real.•
FAMI
Recommended
Reading:
Saving
Delaney
How to create your family-and how to cope when it
doesn't go the way you planned. BY ALYSHA 00M1N1co
I did not want to read Saving Delaney.
The title conjured memories of Losing
Isaiah (and that movie makes me want to
get in the foetal position to emerge only
for Cadbury).
But as soon as I opened it, I devoured
the whole book in three sittings, free of
tears and feeling delighted to read a story
of another lesbian-parentedfamily. (I can't
say chocolate wasn't involved).
Eight years ago, my wife and I were
looking to start a family. We had a slew
of questions. We had to work hard to find
answers. We were desperate to meet
those pioneering families so we could see
what ours might end up like.
Saving Delaney not only gives you a
detailed model for how lesbian families
can be created, what they might look like,
and how your nearest and dearest might
react to the idea of you starting a family;
it also educates you about the entire
process, including the change in routes
you may inadvertently take.
One of the things I admired most about
the author's style-which is brutally honest
and explicit at times, and less detailed
than you might like at others-is that the
couple is a lot like the lesbian parents in
The Fosters.
Tough situations, like what happens
when the sperm donors who didn't want
to be involved suddenly change their
minds, abound in life. But like Stef and
Lena Adams-Foster, the main couple in
Saving Delaney gives you a glimpse of
how to keep your boundaries without
creating more conflict.
The degree to which the two women
in Saving Delaney felt compelled to
turn to internet advice makes you want
to vet all the people you're going to
have to work with before emotions get
involved. Choose your medical team
and supports-doctor, midwife, nurse,
doula-months before you ever get to
the dreaded Two Week Wait to find out
whether or not you are pregnant. And
prepare for all the horrible ways your
fertility plan could go wrong. Saving
Delaney is a tough reminder about how
fertility fades too quickly with age without
you realizing it, and how mundane and
heartbreaking it can be to go through the
process of trying to become more fertile.
The best part about the book is how it
teaches you to allow yourself to change
your mind about topics you previously
vehemently opposed.
I grew up around a handful of kids with
Down syndrome, and at 16 I believed
Down syndrome children were a gift to a
family. I wasn't a parent then, and, before
reading this book, I worried whether I
would still feel that way. You see, as a
parent, your greatest reassurance is
what's "normal." From bumped heads to
rashes, normalcy gives you relief from
the multiple anxieties you can feel while
trying to keep your progeny safe.
But for the parents whose kids don't
start out like the popular majority,
parenting can be extra terrifying. Even if
you're used to fringe life, when it comes
to your kids' health and developmental
milestones, the idea of "just like everyone
else" is attractive.
Which is why Saving Delaney is a story
that needs to be told. This couple's ability
to find greater joy and happiness in what
they feared is inspiring. If you're looking
for a story to give you an amazing model,
and leave you with a feeling of hope and
courage to create your own family-read
this book. (cleispress.com)
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
53
~amily
cnoice
Wny
Don
t Have
aDaO(
1
How one lesbian couple answers the question.
BY ALYSHA DOMINICO
Our family is unusual. My wife Vicky and I run a company out of our two homes (one a
rural retreat, the other an urban escape); we travel with toddlers frequently (for fun); oh, and
we're two moms raising two boys. Like many couples we've met, we found out that having
a baby was a process. Each time, it took two years from start to stork.
When we first tackled the woman+ woman= baby equation, we intended to be surrogates
for each other's "eggs;' but our fertility match up precluded it. Were we trying to eliminate
some of the comments we were about to face?
In the first six years of our marriage, we explored our options for parenthood. We attended
a Melbourne group called Prospective Lesbian Parents for two years. We answered all the
questions in The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth. We
raised multiple sets of foster kittens (seriously, we thought it would be a good "trial"). We
travelled for five years then moved back to Canada before starting our real journey.
Each time in the baby process we began with multiple rounds of IUI, but entered the IVF
process sooner than others. To our doctor's great shock, and despite the control drugs,
Vicky ovulated on the table during egg harvesting. We managed to save one egg-one tiny
little chance at parenthood. (He's called Bailey now.)
Six years younger than Vicky, I expected my body to be a well-stocked shelf of eggs. Not
so. We emerged from our second IVFexperience one zygote ahead (he's called Jasper now)
because I didn't get pregnant on the first round.
I'm so focused on loving my kids that I often overlook the hard work Vicky and I did to
define our family. It's easy for me to get annoyed when I'm confronted with a person who
has trouble processing the idea of lesbian parents.
For a while when she was 3, my niece would often ask, "But why does Bailey have two
moms?" Initially, the question made me uneasy. We'd spent so much time together; if she
didn't understand, what would Bailey be facing throughout his lifetime?
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2016
One night at bedtime, he said, "But I don't
have a dad." My instinctual reaction was not
what I wanted it to be. Aloud, I said, "That's
right. Two women started your family. You
have a mummy and a mama:' Yet while
we continued to talk about the families we
knew, I wondered why he should already
believe we were different. "We need to
surround him with more gay families," I said
later to Vicky in frustration.
Recently, we were reading an abridged
Disney story. Lady and the Tramp go on
a date, fall in love, and start a family. A
heterosexual playbook, right? But that night
as I looked at my preschooler, I realized,
that's exactly our story too. "Just like
Mummy and Mama," I said. Never wanting
anyone to be left out, he yelled, "Yeah! And
Bailey and Jasper:'
The belief that a boy needs the attentions
of a male adult parent is deeply rooted
in my culture, even though, in the same
culture, child rearing is traditionally left to
mothers, and fathers are hands-off. Still,
I regularly hear from people who seem to
think there's wisdom in the platitude "a boy
should have a father;' because they believe
only a father can provide the following:
ROUGH PLAY. I love watching my kids play
and belly laugh with a certain moustached
friend. But they wrestle in exactly the same
way with their two moms.
SPORTS. Vicky and I have competed at the
local, provincial, and international levels in
20 sports between us.
ANATOMY LESSONS. Can males better
teach other males about their bodies? I'm
thinking of all the female GPs who do that
job better than most.
It's not uncommon for people we know
to ask, "Who's the father?" We simply say,
"Our family was started by two women,
so our children have a mummy and a
mama, instead of a mother and a father:'
If they need to understand the science,
we teach them the word "donor:' There's
no need for awkwardness: Our boys don't
have a dad because two moms started our
family. Our boys are always going to attract
attention wherever they go, because they're
handsome. Soon, Vicky and I will celebrate
10 years of marriage. We feel a responsibility
to talk about the many kinds of families
that there are now, and to help people
realize that variety is just as wonderful
as tradition.•
•
~amily
cnoice
Com
·ng
Out
Across
Cu
tures
While searching for her Korean birth mother, a daughter
fears she will be rejected because she is gay.
BY KATHY EOW
Roughly translated, my Korean name, Haeng Hee, means "happy girl."
My birth mother chose it quickly, in the short time between having me and
giving me up for adoption.
Like many of the 200,000 Korean-born children who have been adopted
by Western families since the end of the Korean War, I am searching for
my birth family, an exhausting journey that has led to an unexpected inner
conflict. If I do find her one day, I ask myself, is it worth risking my birth
mother's rejection to tell her that I'm a lesbian?
I've been through the family coming out process already. It's a rather
boring (but very positive) story, to which I credit my adoptive family's
inherent social liberalism. It was my adoptive mom, in fact, who pulled me
out of the closet in my early 20s when she unabashedly asked, "Are you a
56
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2016
lesbian?" Then and now, my American
family unconditionally
supports me
and the wider LGBT community.
But my coming
out story still
feels incomplete.
Even though we
have never met, I feel as though I
am already concealing
my identity
from my biological
Korean family,
because accompanying
the urge to
come out is fear-fear
that they may
reject me and disappear from my
life. Again.
For all its modern technology, K-Pop,
and soap operas, Korean society is
remarkably conservative. Then again,
it should be, given that the culture
has been shaped for over 2,500 years
by Confucianism.
In the West, we
are familiar with Confucian thought
through popular aphorisms such as,
"Do unto others as you would have
them do unto you." In Korea, however,
political, social, and familial systems
are based on Confucian ideology.
Early
Confucian
philosophy
in
Korea, as it was embraced
and
disseminated by the nation's founding
fathers,
defined
acceptable
social
behavior
accordingly:
respect
for
one's elders, adherence to patriarchy
and conformity to traditional gender
roles were paramount. It was believed
that
such
behavior
maintained
personal and familial order and thus
the harmony of the nation at large.
Queerness-really
any deviation
from the confines of a traditional
binary world-is
a direct threat to
national order. There is no place for
such nonconformity
in a Confucian
society.
The comedian
Margaret
Cho introduced
this belief system
to the American public in her onewoman show I'm The One That I Want.
"Mommy know all about the gay. There
are so many gay all over the world. BUT
NOT KOREA!" she says in her signature
impersonation
of her Korean mother
reacting to her daughter's
lesbian
tendencies.
But behind the humor, real evidence
of
anti-LGBT
sentiment
abounds
in Korea. According
to the Korea
Herald, a Korean pastor proclaimed
on national television in 2012 that the
FEATURES/
country was "free of homosexuality."
More recently,
the Pew Research
Center's 2014 Global Views on Morality
survey revealed that 56 percent of
Koreans believe that homosexuality
is morally unacceptable.
And some
queer Koreans are fleeing to the U.S. in
search of what one woman describes
as "self-asylum."
Hyunjung, a queer Korean woman
now living in Boston, says, "I feel
grateful that I could find a job here,
because I left my family and friends,
as well as my secure job in Korea,
to live happily as openly gay here,
although I'm still open to my American
friends only."
Korean-American
Diana Oh is an
outspoken queer feminist and a selfdescribed
"actor, singer-songwriter,
theatre-maker"
based in New York.
She traveled to Korea last year with
her parents.
"I felt a surprising
amount
of
pressure there to be a certain way,"
she says. "Going against the grain like
I so readily do in New York City felt
scarier to do in Korea."
She felt her parents, who had
emigrated to the U.S. in 1980 were
experiencing the pressure to be in the
closet as parents of a queer woman.
If these were the only snippets I
had of the state of equality in Korea,
I might have been driven to quit the
search for my mother altogether.
But there are hopeful stories as
well, signaling a cultural shift, thanks
in part to the small but burgeoning
queer
Korean
community.
LGBT
groups, equal rights organizations like
Solidarity for LGBT Human Rights, and
the internet are galvanizing a younger
generation of Koreans to break with
their stifling traditions. The voices of
queer adoptees are boosting LGBT
awareness, too.
Leading the way for queer adoptees
is Andy Marra. In a blog post published
on the Huffington Post in 2012, Marra
shares not only her emotional reunion
with her birth mother during a trip to
Korea, but her coming out as a trans
woman as well.
"In the flurry of activity," she writes,
"my friends and I stored my luggage
containing
all my dresses, skirts,
jewelry, makeup, and heels at the
hotel. I wasn't ready to come out to
my Korean family."
After Marra spent a few intimate
days with her birth mother, something
unexpected
happened.
Her mother
became deeply curious, sensing a
secret conflict.
"What is worrying you?" her mother
wondered. "You seem worried about
something. There is something deep
in your heart that you haven't told me."
Knowing she couldn't hide from the
power of her mother's intuition, Marra
pointedly answered, "I am not a boy.
I am a girl. I am transgender." Instead
of shame or disgust, her birth mother
showered
her with
unconditional
love and acceptance, and offered an
unspoken blessing.
FA
"Her love had given me the final
affirmation
to move forward
and
become the person I was always
meant to be. I could begin the next
part of my transition," Marra says.
The greatest value of Marra's story
lies in its message of what being out
really means, and why we do it. Coming
out marks the beginning of coming
into one's true self. It is by nature a
timorous, sometimes isolating, maybe
even ugly process. But there is dignity
in honest living.
If there is to be any disappointment
when I meet my Korean mother, it will
be in choosing not to show her the
peace I have found through embracing
my lesbian identity. The real shame
would be to hide from my birth mother
the "happy girl" she once hoped
I'd become.•
Recommended
Reading:
When
Your
Child
IsGay
A new book for moms and dads of queer kids.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
When I came out, my mom disowned
me. I wish there'd been a book then to
enlighten her on why my identity was
valid and needed to be accepted instead
of ridiculed and reviled. Coming out can
be traumatic, and even if the parents are
accepting and already know, it's bound to
be emotional for both parents and child.
When Your Child Is Gay is essential reading
for those coming out and for those
being come out to. Gay rights blogger
Wesley C. Davidson and NYC-based
psychiatrist Dr. Jonathan Tobkes provide
a road map to navigate the blockades,
detours, and wrong turns caused by
unexpected feelings and assumptions
in the coming out process. Real life case
studies, interviews, and action plans help
to comprise a positive guide that can
prevent self-harm, promote self-esteem,
and stop a family from imploding like
mine did. (sterlingpublishing.com)
l
lD
GAY
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
57
~amily
cnoice
House
oflove
Meet the lesbians who make up Canada's gayest family.
BY YNDSEY D'ARCANGELO
Few things in this world are more entertaining than having lunch at a
joint called Buzzy's with a group of lesbians dubbed "Canada's Gayest
Family." The women at the table-aged
16 to 77-belly laugh, joke, bicker,
snicker, roll their eyes, giggle, and tell tall tales as they sip drinks and
snack on chicken wings and slices of pizza. It feels like sitting in on the
taping of a reality TV show, getting to know them while taking part in their
conversation and laughter, digs, and all.
Coincidentally,
Karen Ford has already pitched the reality show idea
about her family to VJ.com. The site, owned by famed producer Michael
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2016
Rosenbaum, is an online boot camp of
sorts for aspiring video journalists and
television
show producers.
Karen's
story caught Rosenbaum's eye. Even
he thinks Canada's Gayest Family
should be on TLC.
In the meantime,
Karen is busy
making the rounds on social media.
For those who aren't able to meet
Canada's Gayest Family in person,
their Facebook page is the next best
thing. It's full of pictures, updates, and
YouTube videos highlighting topics as
different as prejudice, insemination,
and religion. Their hilarious home
movies include family dinners and
dancing grandmas.
The entire family lives in the same
neighborhood in Barrie, Ontario. They
walk to each other's houses, barbecue
together,
and take part in holiday
celebrations.
Karen likes to describe this family
as "unusually normal." Karen's mother,
Linda (who was once married to
Karen's father before realizing she
was gay) and her partner, Jan, are
the matriarchs. Next comes Karen's
current partner, Cathy. Shawnee is
Karen and Cathy's adopted child. At
16, she is the youngest lesbian in the
family. Karen was once together with
Anna and they had a child togetherMadison-before
they split up. Anna is
now with Tracy.
Got it?
Madison, 20, is the only straight one
in the bunch, and, according to Karen,
she is the nucleus of the family. "There
is no one in this world who appreciates
my moms and grandmas as much as
I do," Madison says. "I don't mean to
brag, but growing
up surrounded
by this group of strong, successful,
intelligent,
hilarious, supportive, and
loving women has been an absolute
dream."
It's not hard to see why. As the
lunch conversation
swings rapidly
around the table, everyone is more than
willing to be heard. We talk about the
origins of the family. Linda searches her
memory as she describes life before
she came out.
"I knew [I was gay] even while I was
married for 14 years," Linda says. "But
I never acted on it. I wasn't strong
enough. And then I met a woman."
Linda's marriage to Karen's father
ended shortly after that, she says.
Still, Linda kept her sexuality hidden
from Karen and her sister, Kelly, even
after Karen came out to her. Strangely
enough,
they
would
often
find
themselves at the same lesbian bar in
town. Finally, they decided to go out
to dinner and talk about it. Afterward,
Karen says, things were golden.
Jan, 77, came into the picture later
on. The Australian native says she and
Linda felt something
click the first
time they went out on a "formal" date.
They've been together ever since, and
it's been over 23 years.
I know. It's hard to listen to the story
of how Canada's Gayest Family came
about without being a little confused
now and again. But as the dust settles
and the pieces of the puzzle come
together, the whole picture makes
perfect sense. This is a family like any
other. They've been through ups and
downs, arguments
and squabbles,
triumphs and tragedies. Though their
sexuality may be the thread that ties
them all together, it's not the crux of
their bond. Love is.
"We're all really, really different,"
Karen explains. "But the things that
are important to us are all the same.
We're caring,
understanding,
and
compassionate people. "
"It's a great world to be living
in now," adds Linda, who couldn't
possibly fathom what her family would
become back when she was married
to a man. "Thinking back on it now,
where would I be?"
Everyone else chimes in to answer
the question for her. They talk over
each other, point and laugh. To them,
it's just an average conversation at the
table on a regular afternoon.
Maybe someday soon you'll catch
Canada's Gayest Family on television.
Having sat in on it live, I can guarantee
it will be one of the few reality shows
worth watching.•
SIGN
UP
TODAY
ON
CURVEMAG.COM
~amilyCnoice
Why did you found the California
of
Tne
M1cnae
aMenOe
sonn
How a married man with a wife and three kids transitioned
in 2008, became a lesbian-identified woman, an LGBT
activist, a public speaker, and recently, a mom-and made
the world better for trans youth and trans job searchers.
BY MARCIE BIANCO
Transgender Workplace Program?
I own a group of restaurants and four
years ago we hired our first "out" trans
employee. When she told me her story of
how she was forced to use the men's room,
which resulted in her being molested, I
realized how difficult it is for trans people
in the workplace. When we put the word
out that we were a welcoming place for
transgender job seekers, we found many
hardworking, talented people were looking
for jobs and being turned down because
they were trans. Since then, about 8 percent
of our employees have been transgender.
That first employee is now the general
manager of our top restaurant. Having an
equal footing in the workplace leads to
greater opportunities and broadens the
vision of trans people who are trying to
survive.
You were a consultant for Laverne Cox's
character on Orange Is the New Black.
When I met with the creator Jenji Kohan
and her writing team, I told them I wanted
no compensation or credits for my help.
Instead, I asked two things. First, get
the character right and not the negative
stereotypes which were most often
portrayed in Hollywood. Second, hire a
trans actress. I knew Jenji was gong to do
whatever she wanted for her new show. But
to her credit she did both, and it turned out
great for our community. Laverne is such a
good example for others to follow.
Describe your life before transitioning.
Congratulations on becoming one of the first transgender board members of The
Trevor Project.
The Trevor Project has an amazing team dedicated to preventing and ending suicide
among LGBTQyouth. This includes crisis counseling, education and advocacy. Nearly
half of our crisis calls are from trans youth and suicide is at an all time high. My chief
mission is to expand our reach to the trans community with an understanding of their
unique issues and needs.
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When I grew up, the word 'transgender'
was not even being used. There was no
internet or talk shows to help me understand
what I was feeling. In retrospect, there were
always signs. I would wear my older sister's
clothes in private when I was 7 years old.
And my best friend was usually a girl with
whom I could better identify. I went through
a lifetime of suppression, finding ways to
act out my fantasies without my family
knowing. I compartmentalized what I was
doing so I could get on with my very busy
life raising a family, building businesses and
participating in various sports. Eventually
this did not work any more and a lifetime of
suppression caught up with me. I became
sick emotionally and physically and had
mostly given up on my life until I decided I
had to explore my gender issues. Once did
that, most of my symptoms went away. I
FEATURES/
also had to deal with embarrassment and
fear that their own world would be turned
upside down. Becauseof this, I found myself
out on my own, separated from those I
loved. It was only when I realized that their
loss was even greater than my own that we
were able to reconcile and become close
again. I now have a wonderful new family
with my partner Carmel and our 2-year-old
son Isadore. Both families are close with
each other. This is nothing short of a miracle.
For this I am profoundly grateful. I am a very
fortunate woman.
When did you identify as a lesbian?
I had bisexual tendencies before my
transition and have tried casual relationships
with men. I found however, that I feel more
comfortable in a relationship with a woman
and I now identify as a lesbian. When I met
my current partner, Carmel, I had come
out of a six-month lesbian relationship with
a woman I had been living with. Carmel
and I met on a site for lesbian and gay
vegans. We hit it off on a lunch date and
things progressed from there. I did not
consciously seek to make inroads into the
lesbian community. It happened pretty
organically through my relationship with
Carmel, through my advocacy and through
my stepsister, Michelle Kort, who was very
connected and well-known.
Did you alwaysfeel likea woman?
I over compensated in my role as a
successful macho male, but this other part
of me was always there in every situation I
encountered. When I first transitioned, I tried
to be the perfect woman in everythingthe way I dressed, hair and makeup, and
in all my mannerisms. I even attempted to
control my thoughts! I was not very happy.
I had created a new box to fit in, possibly
worse than the first one. It took a few years,
but I've learned to be me, accepting all parts
of myself without judgment. What makes a
woman? It's certainly not what we see on
billboards and in magazines. I'm finding it's
much deeper than that.
Any wordsthat can help cisgenderfolks
understandtrans issuesbetter?
For every trans person, there is a unique
story. I stand in front of large groups of
FA
people every chance I get (400 times over
the past four years). When I open up about
my own story and give them a chance to
know me, I find it really opens hearts and
minds. Many trans men and women are
telling their stories now. It's not all about the
trans celebrities, though they have helped
the "T" come out of the closet. There is still
so much ignorance, but that will change
over time. Transgender will at some point
become an outdated term. I have met so
many young people who identify as "gender
nonconforming." I love that, because it is so
freeing.
Where do you stand with family now?
There was a time I thought we'd never get
past our pain, but it's happening. There is a
lot of love left in this family and it's brought
us back together. It's not perfect but it's
real and very special for me. I hope it is
for each of them as well. We need to hear
more stories about the families of those
who transitioned. It affects each person in
a profound way. For each transition story
there are usually a dozen others to be told
by families and close friends.•
The Florida Keys
Key~st
Close To Perfect • fc::1r
from Norm<.11
MONraCOUNrYTOURISTDfVfLOPMENTCOUNCIL
gaykeywestfl.com (305)294-4603
11facebook.com/gaykeywestfl
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
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IISMIEULf1~i1JiR
~s:r()N;
.curvema
FEATUREStCOVER
ST
I
n 2013, we got a little bit "Closer" to superduo Tegan
and Sara thanks to Heartthrob, their supercatchy hit
pop album.
Three years later, the twin sisters have delivered
an even more enjoyable experience with Love You
to Death. Their eighth studio album, Love You to Death
weaves a tapestry of the sisters' relationships-with
previous and current lovers, with friends, and with each
other. The "you" of the title is ubiquitous and anonymous
throughout the 10-track record, appearing in song titles
like "B/W/U" (Be With You) and "U-Turn." The "you" is a
composite; it's everyone, including you.
"We love Curve," Tegan says with excitement at the
beginning of our phone interview. Both she and Sara glow
with pride when they recall being on the cover not just
once or twice-this
issue marks the fourth time they've
graced the cover. "We're grateful for the covers, and
we're grateful for support from the queer community in
general," Sara says. "At times, it can be challenging to
be a visible minority, because sometimes people have
expectations of you," she comments. "You don't want
people to feel like you're the only representation for them.
Our fan base, which has followed us over the years, has
changed and evolved, but overall we still have a really
strong, central queer fan base."
Like all their albums, Love You to Death tells a story.
"Each record is a chapter in the story of Tegan and Sara,"
Sara says. Each one is "like a memoir," she continues. "I
love the idea of telling a story with a record. I think that
with us, 10 songs, or 35 minutes, is a good amount of time
to tell the next part of our story."
This time around, the story begins with the first single,
"Boyfriend," which, Tegan confesses, is one of Sara's
songs about falling in love with a straight girl. The chorus
echoes the heartache of countless queer women who
have been through the same cycle:
YOU
TREAT ME LIKE
YOUR BOYFRIEND
AND TRUST ME LIKE A .•• LIKE
A VERY BEST FRIEND
YOU KISS ME LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND
YOU CALL ME UP LIKE YOU WANT
YOUR BEST FRIEND
YOU TURN ME ON LIKE YOU WANT
YOUR BOYFRIEND
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE
YOUR SECRET
ANYMORE
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The day the Quin sisters chatted with Curve is the
day they released a pointedly tongue-in-cheek video
for "Boyfriend." They called on some rad queer women
to help out: Clea Duvall, who has been friends with the
Quins for about 10 years, directed the video. "We trust
Clea's eyes and her vision," Tegan says. Designer Rachel
Antonoff (sister of musician Jack Antonoff) was the
creative director. "We've been talking a lot about hiring
as many women and LGBT people as possible ... and with
Clea and Rachel came this incredible all-female camera
team, and I'd say about 80 percent of those working
on the set were female-it
was an incredible creative
environment to be in!"
Tegan and Sara have spent over half their lives
performing together in a band. They are 35 now, but
began playing together at age 15. At 17,the Calgary-native
Canadians won a college battle of the bands and caught
the eye of the Canadian music industry. Two years later,
the twins signed with Vapor Records, the label founded
by Neil Young and his longtime manager, Elliot Roberts.
The centerpiece of their lyrics has always been love and
relationships. When asked about how their lyrics about
love have changed over a 20-year period, Sara laughs and
says she's been thinking about this recently, too. "Right
now, we're reworking live shows, and, now, as a 35-yearold adult, going back and singing songs we wrote when
we were, like, 22, or even younger, the blend of emotions
can be confusing," she explains. Reliving old songs is
the equivalent of reliving old memories-and with them
comes the recognition that you are no longer the same
person you once were.
"What I realize more and more is that I don't know if
our songs are as much about love as they are about
relationships and the evolving ideas and experiences
around those relationships," Sara continues. "I still think
of myself as being somewhat exploratory and somewhat,
like, [this is] what relationships are and what they mean to
me and how to get through them and navigate them ....
Now I have a little bit more peace and balance in my life,
and that allows even more space to further evaluate or
even think about past relationships and new relationships,
or just the nature of love and relationships in general. A
lot of this record came from a place of calm. I wasn't in
distress or feeling like I was going through a breakup, and
I wasn't having some of the drama that inspired my music
in the past."
Sorry to burst the fantasies of a thousand queer women,
but this album isn't a kiss-and-tell-all about Sara and
Tegan's romantic relationships. "This is a pretty vulnerable
record for me," reveals Tegan, "only because I was writing
about two important relationships that are now over ... [but]
this record isn't about them. It's about me, and I want to
be very careful about how I talk about those relationships,
because I care deeply about those people and I'm not
using them to sell records. I'm using myself." So what is
their dating status now? Sara was dating someone new
while writing Love You to Death, but she's no longer with
FEATUREStCOVER
that person, and is dating someone else. Tegan is also
dating, but it's "very, very new. But we'll say that in the
last six months I can see it sticking." But don't get ready to
throw the rice just yet. If you listen to the lyrics of "B/W/U,"
you'll hear Sara "declaring she's not going to get married,"
says Tegan. While that song expresses Sara's own feelings,
Tegan admits it's a sentiment that she can also relate to.
And for those of you content with visions of the lesbian
twins, unmarried but together, it might come as a surprise
to find out that for most of their career the Quins rarely
wrote music in the same room. In fact, until last year, when
Sara moved to Vancouver (and, conveniently, to the same
neighborhood as her sister), they would use the magic
of the internet to collaborate during the writing process.
"Technology, and just the nature of our songwriting, has
made living on different coasts totally acceptable," Sara
concisely puts it. "In the past," Tegan explains, "when we
ST
were preparing a record, we would send songs back and
forth, and I would get the shape of the song and send it to
Sara, and she would give comments, and then we would
just do that back and forth. Then, when it's time to record,
one of us would displace herself and live in the same city
as the producer." Instead of feeling cramped by their
newfound proximity, Tegan finds relief. "This time we live
in the same city. We still wrote in the same way-sending
music back and forth-but
then we'd go have dinner. It
took a lot of the stress off. It allowed us to take longer to
write. And, it allowed us to take longer to record, so we
were able to really hone certain things. We collaborated
on almost every song. It just gave us more freedom."
Love You to Death marks a certain level of sophistication,
awareness, and maturity for the Quins. "I don't really
subscribe to the idea that you have to be traumatized,
or be having a really shitty experience, or be broke and
JUL/AUG
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65
struggling, or unsuccessful or ignored, to make your
best music," says Sara. "Different people have different
motivations. I know that for myself, this was one of the
most balanced periods of my life to write a record in. I felt
like I had a prolific splurge because I was sort of anchored
and really calm.
"I was able to let myself go a little further out into the
place where I could explore things and be thinking about
things. I think that sometimes when you're suffering that
can be a really vibrant place to write from, but it can also
be very surface-you know, like, This is what's happening
right now! I feel like this record is a little more reflective,
and that's exciting to me because I feel like it's a different
place to be writing from."
For many artists, whether or not they're musicians,
emotional distance is imperative to the creative act. Sara
elaborates: "When you're writing about things from a
distance, your memories and your reimagining of them
are sometimes more interesting than how they actually
happened."
With age, Sara believes that their songwriting skillslike wine-have improved. The lyrics for Love You to Death
are full of complexity and depth, to the point that on this
album, perhaps for the first time, Tegan and Sara explore
the dynamics of their own siblinghood without remorse.
For example, the heartbreaking piano ballad "100x"
revisits the darker times in their relationship. It's quite a
feat to blend sibling love and work.
"There's just a risk in being in a band with your sibling,"
Tegan admits. "Because there's this volatility that's hard to
explain. People say, 'Oh, I could never be in a band with
my sibling.' But we didn't have a choice. We just were."
Perhaps referring to "White Knuckles" or "100x" she says,
"There were insanely awful periods when I truly didn't
I FEEL LIKE THERE'S A
FIXATION ON OUR
RELATIONSHIP. THERE'S
A FIXATION ON US BEING
GAY. AND WHAT'S
INTERESTING IS THAT
WHEN YOU TAKE AWAY US
BEING GAY AND YOU TAKE
AWAY US BEING SISTERS,
WOULD THE MUSIC BE AS
MEMORABLE OR
IMPORTANT?
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want to be in the band, or Sara didn't, and one of us
didn't like the choices the other one was making. And,
yes, there was a risk in writing about it." When was this
rough patch in their relationship? "It didn't happen last
year," reveals Tegan. "It happened in a period of time that
is six, seven years old ... It was a really fucking awful time."
A time commemorated, perhaps, in the lyrics:
I NEED OUT ON
MYOWN
I DON'T WANT TO
LIVE THIS WAY,
I TOLD YOU ... I
NEEDED OUT, AND I
I SWEAR I TRIED TO
LEAVE YOU,
AT LEAST 100
TIMESA DAY.
While the autobiographical elements in Tegan and
Sara's music are apparent, it would be a mistake to reduce
their music to autobiography. The songs often deal with
love and desire, states that reveal a raw emotional truth.
For example, "Stop Desire" is about the early stages of
attraction, when sparks fly. Tegan explains, "For me, the
song is about that uncontrollable [urge]. .. It's bungee
jumping. You cannot stop mid-jump. It's done, dude. You
jumped. The sort of train car of desire. 'Back against the
wall.' I got us here, you can trust me. Don't abandon ship
here, it's worth it."
This honesty extends to the sisters' onstage presence,
which is not a persona, says Tegan. "We are ourselves. We
are truly us." But, she confesses, she feels some frustration
that critics have labeled the honesty in their creative
output reductively-calling
it "girl music" or "chick
music" or "gay music." "I found it so condescending and
patronizing when I was young, when people were, like, 'Is
this in your diary?'" says Tegan. "I don't write in a diary!"
She pauses for a moment to reflect: "I feel like there's a
fixation on our relationship. There's a fixation on us being
gay. And what's interesting is that when you take away us
being gay, and you take away us being sisters, would the
music be as memorable or important? I don't know."
While Tegan and Sara now have the kind of career
longevity that invites rumination and analysis, mostly
they revel in the simplicity of just playing the music. "I
feel pretty blue-collar about what we do," says Sara. "I
love playing music. It's a thrill to me that we can still tour
FEATUREStCOVER
ONE THING I WILL SAY IS
THAT I REALLY WON'T MAKE
EXCUSES FOR OUR
AMBITION OR OUR DESIRE
TO BE MORE COMMERCIAL
OR TO HAVE MORE THINGS
ACCESSIBLE TO US.
AND I LIKE IT THAT THAT'S
OK IN POP MUSIC.
ST
and put out records and videos, and the fact that we're 35
and still making albums feels very cool, and I just mostly
feel humbled by it. And I feel like if we disappear off the
planet tomorrow, I don't know if people will still be listening
to us in 15 years. And you know what? I don't really care.
The most important thing to me is that while we're around
we sort of do our best to be good people and to be good
advocates and to speak out about things we care about."
Tegan completely concurs. "Tegan and Sara is about
more than just Tegan and Sara," she says, noting that the
band employs nearly two dozen people, and that they are
invested in advocating for societal issues pertaining to
women's rights and LGBT equality.
But make no mistake about the Quins' ambitionsomething they've taken flak for in recent years, with
some fans and critics deriding their move into pop, most
notably with Heartthrob. "I didn't wake up one day and say
to Tegan, 'I think we should make a pop record,' Sara says.
"One thing I will say is that I really won't make excuses for
our ambition or our desire to be more commercial or to
have more things accessible to us. And I like it that that's
OK in pop music."
There's an ongoing queer sensibility that decries success
as "mainstreaming," as "selling out." It's an easy-and
misogynistic-way to keep women down. When speaking
about it with Curve, Sara passionately talks about her
childhood: "I grew up with a mom who was a single parent
and going back to school and was bettering herself, and
that upward mobility was really celebrated. In most fields
you wouldn't have people talking about selling out."
"We make records. We're still as DIY as we were when we
were 15 years old ... We have not changed. The infrastructure
around us makes our lives easier, and it makes us able
to have lives."
Seventeen years ago, at the hardscrabble beginnings of
their career, Sara recalls thinking, This has got to get easier.
We must become more successful, or else I'll quit. "I was
not one of those people who was like, 'In the name of art I'll
suffer forever.' No. I was like, 'I don't want to suffer forever.' I
suffered for seven years ... I remember thinking, I don't care
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if people think we sold out. I'm tired of sitting in a van with
eight dudes and a cage full of gear in the back. I don't give
a shit. If it's selling out then sign me up."
She and Tegan began exploring pop sounds and
rhythms in 2008, much earlier than Heartthrob, because
they "had just grown a little tired of guitars and indie
rock." The move was in large part to take full control of
the band's music. "I started to feel like I'm interested
in the tools that are at my fingertips. I'm not relying on
hiring a drummer to come in and play drum parts and me
try to explain what I want," says Sara.
Tegan articulated this move into pop similarly: "We
added the keyboard in 2004 and fans were super upsetbut we were just so much better at writing shit down than
at guitar.'' She describes how she and her sister would
have to rely on "six dudes coming in and playing guitar
the way we were begging them to," which made them
feel that they were not "capable of creating the songs
ourselves.'' With Love You to Death, Tegan asserts, "We
just stepped more into what we are."
At age 35, the sisters are in charge of their lives and
their music, which is noticeable in the complexity of their
lyrics, the boldness of their sound, and the confidence
of their voices. "We are more Tegan and Sara than ever
before." (teganandsara.com) •
70WESTCOAST ODYSSEY
74RIVIERAMAYALUXURY
74
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curve
OMANTIC ROOMS
SAN
FRANCISC
~LAVA
DEL
CA~~~~AS
VEGAS
JUL/AUG
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AIMINGHIGH
IN
SANFRANOISCO
San Francisco, West Hollywood, LA, Palm Springs, and New York are places where you
would expect active lesbian communities. The shortage of visible lesbian bars and
cafes might give the illusion that our communities are falling apart in these areas. But
the opposite is happening. Powerful leaders have emerged and are changing things
for the better. We might not have the 'L tattooed on our foreheads anymore, but our
integration into mainstream society is a reality today, especially on the West Coast.
BY SILKE BADER
San Francisco, the original home of
Curve, isalsothe birthplace of Olivia Travel,
Out & Equal, and many other lesbianowned and operated businesses. Olivia
and Curve have served our community
for 25 and 40 years respectively, and we
are pleased to work together and create
positive and longstanding synergy.
Curve was a media partner at Out &
Equal's Gala Event in March 2016, at which
Out & Equal celebrated their 20 year
anniversary. The corporate landscape
was very different then.
Today, a company like PayPalcan punish
a state government for its discriminatory
laws, which shows the extent to which
corporate attitudes have changed. Out &
Equal's work in shaping the future of the
LGBT workplace has paid off. Corporate
sponsors are plentiful, diversity is the new
black, and organizations such as Out &
Equal keep the equality at the forefront of
the corporate sector.
STAY AT HOTEL ZETTA
The consciously hip, 116-room Hotel
Zetta is pure City by the Bay. With all
the latest tech gadgets, works by local
artists, and a lively lobby cafe-bar, it is
well positioned for leisure or business
travel. The eight-story
hotel, which
opened in February 2013, is in the South
of Market district downtown, close to
Union Square (for shopping) and the
Powell Street cable car. The rooms are
comfortable and the location is very
convenient. Rooms start from $304.
(hotelzetta .com)
VISIT THE RAINBOW HONOR WALK
IN THE CASTRO
There is so much to do when visiting
San Francisco, but one of my favourite
things is the Rainbow Honor Walk. It's an
easy tour that takes in 20 three-by-three
foot bronze plaques embedded in the
sidewalk along Castro Street in honor of
the groundbreaking achievements made
by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender
community members. It's a diverse list
of people, and it's a pleasure to follow in
the footsteps of those who came before
us and who helped to create our diverse
community.
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IT'STIME
FOR
WESTHOLLYWOOD
West Hollywood (aka WeHo) is one of LA's top neighborhoods, from famed streets like Sunset
and Robertson Boulevards to its vibrant gay community. WeHo is home to Southern California's
largest LGBT community, and is the site of the annual Gay Pride Parade in June. The Sunset
Strip has it all, including entertainment venues like the House of Blues and the Comedy Store,
the lively Saddle Ranch Chop House and fine dining at Herringbone. The Abbey is the most
famous of WeHo's numerous bars and clubs, mainly located on Santa Monica Boulevard.
BY SILKE BADER
STAY AT THE MONDRIAN
This 4.5-star luxury boutique hotel,
situated in romantic West Hollywood,
is conveniently located on the Sunset
Strip. The lobby's unique style continues
through its rooms and facilities: quirky,
hip and modern ... True to today's LA style.
It's in the details that this hotel differs,
including a doorbell in your room, a
hidden TV in the mirror, or 100 small wall
hooks in the bathroom. This is an awesome
hotel. The staff are highly trained, it has
a central location and is great value for
its aesthetic appeal. Rooms from $339.
(morga nshotelg rou p.com)
DO L.A. IN A DAY
Rated on Tripadvisor as LA's #1 Outdoor
Activity, Bikes and Hikes (bikesandhikesla.
com) offers guided biking and hiking
tours all over LA. LA in a Day Bike
Adventure is the most popular full-day
bike tour. See the city in its entirety over
this 32 mile, one-of-a-kind ride. Since
2010, Bikes and Hikes LA has shown
Los Angeles up close and personal to
thousands of guests, all in an eco-friendly,
health conscious way. Bikes and Hikes is a
major supporter of AIDS Lifecycle.
Begin on legendary Route 66 in West
Hollywood and bike through Beverly Hills
and Bel-Air to see the incredible palaces
the movie stars call home. Then you're
off to LA's world famous beach towns:
Santa Monica, Venice and Marina Del
Rey. Afterwards, you'll pedal through
Culver City to see some of the historic
movie studios that put the City of Angels
on the map.
This 32-mile, 6-hour excursion is
"bucket list" worthy and leaves no site
unseen. With several breaks including
lunch on the beach and a walking tour
along the way, there's time to rest and truly
enjoy the best of Los Angeles. Get ready
to burn some calories and experience
LA up close and personal. Fitness
Level: Moderate to mildly challenging.
Some hills but nothing to worry about
(it's called Beverly Hills for a reason).
Average fitness level required. You must
be comfortable on a bike. Rate: $162pp.
(visitwesthollywood.com)
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DESJERT
GliORY
Thisdesert oasisis a Hollywood playground;a centralgathering spot for modern architecturaldesign
aficionados,musiciansand artistsdrawn by nature'sinspiration,and an increasingcrowd of cool-seekers.
Recently,the GreaterPalmSpringsAreaenjoyeda renaissance,re-discoveredin record numbers by tourists
of allages.Itsyear-roundseason,its SouthernCalifornia"easydrive" locationand its unique 350-daysa-yearsunnywarm climate make it appealingto relaxationseekersfrom around the world. The colors
are enhanced by the desert light,and the livingis easy.Nestledat the baseof the majesticSanJacinto
Mountains,the PalmSpringsis alsothe ancestralhome of the Agua CalienteBandof CahuillaIndians.
BYSILKEBADER
VISIT PALM CANYON
Fifteen miles long, Palm Canyon is one
of the areas of great beauty. Its indigenous
flora and fauna, which the Cahuilla people
so expertly used, and its abundant
Washingtonia filifera (California Fan Palm)
are breathtaking contrasts to the stark
rocky gorges and barren desert lands
beyond. Palm Canyon is only a 10-minute
drive from town centre and offers many
different hikes from 30 minutes to 8 hours
long. It's a spiritual place-here, tracks
have been walked on for over 4000 years.
(indian-canyons.com)
TAKE THE AERIAL TRANWAY
Ascend two-and-one-half miles to a
pristine wilderness aboard the world's
largest rotating tramcar. The Palm Springs
Aerial Tramway travels this great distance
along the breathtaking cliffs of Chino
Canyon, transporting riders to the natural
wonders of the Mt. San Jacinto State
Park. During the approximately 10-minute
journey, tramcars rotate slowly, offering
picturesque and spectacular vistas of
the valley floor below. Once you reach
the Mountain Station at elevation 8,516
feet, enjoy over 50 miles of hiking trails,
two restaurants, observation decks, a
natural history museum, two documentary
theaters and a gift shop. (pstramway.com)
LIVE LIKE A LOCAL
There are nice hotels in Palm Springs,
but for something different and to feel
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more like a local, book a fully-furnished,
luxury turn-key vacation home or condo,
available for rent by the week, month or
weekend. (vacation pa Imspri ngs.com)
EATING OUT
EIGHT4NINE
(eight4nine.com)
is
a superb dining destination in Palm
Springs. Previously the Palm Springs
Post Office, this expansive space
features various distinct areas for dining
and offers a selection of private dining
rooms. This is just an amazing place.
The atmosphere is so relaxing, but at
the same time you feel elegant and
pampered by the excellent service and
attention to detail. The cuisine offers
fine and balanced flavours inspired by
Latin and southwest cuisines. The dishes
are freshly made featuring coastal
items, salads, seafood, farm staples,
four course meals, and desserts. My
recommendations:
Lobster Roll (soft
grilled bun, Maine lobster (with tarragon
aioli, celery and lemon) and for dessert,
the Cardamom Peach Creme Brulee.
(visitpalmsprings.com)
FIRSTTIME
IN
VEGAS
When planning a trip to Las Vegas, one might come across
dozens of expired lists of things to do on your first time in Sin
City. If you're looking to hit everything you need to hit during your
first trip to Las Vegas, whether that be for a 21st, anniversary or
wedding, consider this the start of your checklist.
BYSILKE BADER
vegetables, wasabi and sweet soy glaze,
lobster meat and of course, Emeril's New
Orleans succulent shrimp, bathed in a
barbecue sauce and served with a rosemary
biscuit. The stars of the show at our meal
were oysters on the half shell with cocktail
and champagne mignonette sauces, the
kind guaranteed to make this jaded traveller
sigh. The scallops, in contrast, danced. Large
pieces on the plate were impeccably panseared and then baked to bring out their silky
texture.
Staff members who are professional,
friendly, knowledgeable and smile at you
until you walk out the door increase the
pleasure of the meal even more.
For over two decades Emeril's New
Orleans Fish House has been one of the
most consistent and loved restaurants
in Las Vegas. It's time to celebrate this
destination's longevity with a return visit.
(emerilsrestaurants.com)
STAY AT THE LUXOR HOTEL & CASINO
EATING OUT
This Egypt-themed 3-star casino resort on
the south end of the Strip is housed in a
30-story pyramid topped with a 315,000watt light beam. Standard rooms have
traditional furnishings, flat-screen TVs,
and WiFi. Suites offer soaking tubs and
separate sitting rooms; some have wet
bars. Pyramid rooms and suites have
slanted walls. (luxor.com)
Las Vegas is known for its cuisine:
seafood, steak, Italian, Greek or whatever
you desire. It's a tough choice, but here are
two places we can recommend:
GETTING AROUND VIA LIMOUSINE
Our pick: Presidential Limousine. A great
option for smaller groups and couples who
want the luxury of a classic stretch limo.
The limousines are equipped with a DVD/
LCD entertainment unit and stereo with
CD player. It's a lot of fun and if the cost
is shared between the group it becomes
more affordable. Think of limousines as the
taxis of Las Vegas! Presidential Limousines
also offer extra touches such as water and
you might even like them to arrange a
bottle of chilled champagne to celebrate.
(presidentiallimolv.com)
l
6THINGSTO
DO IN LESS
THAN 48 HOURS
DAY 1
THETENDERSTEAKANDSEAFOOD
Some of the best meats and seafood are
flown in daily from around the world. Located
within the Luxor Hotel, the experience is
superb, the service outstanding and the
food memorable. What made this restaurant
stand out was that it serves organic certified
meat and sustainable obtained seafood. The
atmosphere is sophisticated with gracious
furniture, two dedicated waiters per table.
If you want to forget the slot machines and
neon signs - this is the place to go. Your
senses can focus on the food, and they
won't be disappointed. (luxor.com)
EMERIL'SNEW ORLEANS FISH HOUSE
It's difficult to choose what to eat. The
Seafood Platter is a cavalcade of greatest
hits: Tempura fried salmon roll with pickled
5:30PM Dinner at The Tender Steak and
Seafood (located at LUXOR)
8:00PM
Drinks at Delmonico at The
Venetian (emerilsrestaurants.
com/delmonico-steakhouse)
10:00PM Gondola ride at The Venetian
(venetian.com)
DAY2
10:00AM Madame Tussauds
(madametussauds.com)
12:30PM Lunch at Emeril's New Orleans
Fish House at MGM Grand
9:00PM VEGAS! The Show at the V
Theater (vegastheshow.com)
JUL/AUG
2016
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ROMANTICROOMS
From Playa Del Carmen to Byron Bay-you'll never
want to check out of these properties.
BY MERRYN JOHNS
BELMOND MAROMA RESORT & SPA,
PLAYA DEL CARMEN
The Riviera Maya is a favorite playground
for snowbirds seeking to thaw out in sugar-
white sand, turquoise waters, and abundant
sunshine. Once you land in Cancun, your
choices for accommodation, all-inclusive
and otherwise, are as abundant as the
Yucatan Peninsula's beauty. But if you want
an exclusive and upmarket stay, where
the guests around you value their privacy
and conduct themselves in a discerning
manner, you cannot go past Belmond
Maroma Resort & Spa, a 20-minute
drive from Cancun. Conceived on a
grand scale, this is a tranquil oceanfront
acreage designed as both an homage to
the Mayan jungle village that once stood
there and as a magnet for luxury-seeking
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travelers. Belmond Maroma has the scale
of a 5-star resort, but the low key and ecofriendly design contributes to the feeling
of a private oasis. Three large pools are
discretely positioned within the property's
grounds, and the grand Spanish Colonial
lobby, decorated with bold and original
artworks, feels more like it belong in a
Mexican magnate's mansion than in a
brand name hotel.
Depending on your budget, you have a
choice of suites, each with its own style.
This is not a cookie cutter property. Each
room is designed to resonate with its
individual guests. I fell in love with my onebedroom suite, especially its oceanfront
balcony where I could gaze at the azure
horizon. At sundown I'd take a beer onto
my terrace or recline in my private plunge
pool, or on my hammock. Now that's
living! If you're lucky enough to snap up
one of those suites, you'll never want to
leave. But of course, the beach beckons,
and Belmond Maroma boasts its own
private beach. It is so exclusive that there
are always more chaises and umbrellas on
the sand than guests, and a server to greet
you and fetch the beverage of your choice.
Belmond Maroma has many offerings to
draw you away from your sweet suite, such
as yoga beneath a soaring palapa, or an
exquisite massage from a dedicated and
professional therapist in a transcendental
Mayan setting. The spa treatments
incorporate herbs grown at the spa, and
natural and locally made ingredients with
remedial properties such as honey from
indigenous bees, which are carefully
tended by the female spa attendants.
The homemade hive is one way of
acknowledging the matriarchal society of
the Mayans, and also contributing to the
wellbeing of the environment. While you
are in the spa, visit the gift shop and pick
up a bottle of herbal potion to assist you
in attracting love or making your dreams
come true!
We'd be remiss not to mention the
plentiful dining options on property.
They are so good you need never
leave, not even to experience the
cosmopolitan hustle and bustle of Playa
Del Carmen, only 15 minutes away.
While at Belmond Maroma Resort &
Spa we sampled delectable homemade
tortillas for breakfast, and pancakes
made with local honey and chocolate.
For a really exquisite lunch, take part in
Chef Gabriel's cooking classes on the
beach where you might try dishes such
as freshly prepared guacamole, locally
caught prawns in green chilies, or sofresh-it's-still-swimming
red snapper,
blackened with mole spices-and
to
drink, a healthy lime margarita with chia
seeds! Don't be shy, and try those smokycrispy little grasshopper
appetizers.
They are delish and sustainable.
Both El Restaurante for breakfast,
and El Sol Tapas & Restaurant for date
night dining, serve the most authentic,
top quality Mexican food using locally
sourced organic ingredients. For a fun
and raucous treat, book out La Cantina
or join with other guests for the Chef's
Table of specially selected street food
paired with robust and revelatory tequila
and mezcal shooters. You'll be surprised
how much you can learn about the
noble art of turning agave into alcoholwhile getting delightfully
tipsy. For
something very casual, perhaps a glass
of champagne and some sushi, hang out
at Freddy's Tequila and Ceviche Bar on
the beach and watch the waves roll in.
To work off all that indulging, take
advantage of the state-of-the-art gym, or
if you've really splurged, your suite might
have its own gym and outdoor shower!
But there's always that endless, tranquil
beach to stroll along, feeling blessed
that you rewarded yourself with the
luxury that has made Belmond famous.
(belmond.com/maroma-resort-and-spariviera-maya)
JUL/AUG
2016
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75
THE OLD CLARE HOTEL, SYDNEY
THE GLADSTONE,
If you're headed down to Sydney,
Australia for their legendary Gay & Lesbian
Mardi Gras, we've located the perfect digs
for you. The Old Clare Hotel is centrally
located to give you easy access to all
the attractions of Sydney in summer: the
glittering Harbour, the gay golden mile
of Oxford Street, which hosts the Mardi
Gras Parade, and, heading west, the
Sapphic splendor of Newtown, which is
the neighborhood favored by food and
culture-loving lesbians in the know. The
Old Clare has a very gay-meets-industrial
chic sensibility. Lesbians love its friendly
staff, its design elements that proudly
preserve the property's former life as a
working class pub, and its large rooms,
many which feature romantic tubs,
exposed surfaces, soaring ceilings, and
a rooftop pool that situates you within the
cityscape. There's something deeply sexy
about all that! (theoldclarehotel.com.au)
In the heart of Toronto's coolest
nabe is The Gladstone Hotel, a.k.a.
'The Gaystone.'
An LGBTQ local
landmark, and a fixture during Pride
season when it hosts a number of fun
events, the Gladstone is even gayer
since proprietor
Christina
Zeidler
took over in 2003. With its 37 unique
artist-designed
hotel rooms, many
designed by queer or lesbian women,
you can check in for a gay time indeed
and know you'll be surrounded
by
friends.
Enjoy the live music, art,
and quirky
atmosphere
and ask
what's on: drag, dancing, burlesque?
There's sure to be something! When
booking,
ask for Room 304 (Faux
Naturale), Room 309 (Puzzle Room),
Room 415 (Snapshot), or Room 409
(Tower Suite)-all
lesbian-designed,
with these last two created by Zeidler
herself. (gladstonehotel)
ELEMENTS AT BYRON BAY
After Mardi Gras, many Aussies shake off the glitter and head north to the oceanic
oasis of Byron bay, situated on the Easternmost point ofthe Australian mainland. Once
a haven for hippies, this seaside farming hamlet with epic beaches and subtropical
hinterland is now hipster heaven, and attracts its fair share of environmentalists,
too. A new, eco-aware resort located on the stunning Belongil Beach shows off the
beauty of Byron while preserving its natural wonders. Stay in one of the cabanastyle villas, which are designed in a minimalist, Scandinavian aesthetic and are all
an easy walk from the stunning Pacific Ocean and the amenities of the resort. The
massive multi-sectional pool features giant hanging pod-shaped lounges, chaises
from which you can order from the Drift Bar sumptuous treats such as a glass of local
champagne paired with fresh oysters. Treat you and your love with a visit to Osprey
Spa, and linger over dinner at Graze At Elements, which is so impressive even the
locals make a detour to dine there. (elementsofbyron.com.au)
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2016
TORONTO
MARKtTP
Buying?
Selling.
Relocating?
INSTANT ACCESS TO
THE NATION'S TOP
LGBTQ REALTORS.
THREE STORIES & TALL TALES,
SAYBROOK POINT
Fancy a brief encounter in the Tri-State
area? There's a magical little place on the
Connecticut Shore called Old Saybrook,
a traditional New England town, and its
peninsular, Saybrook Point. On the point
are two ltaliante mansions, side-by-side
guesthouses facing the water. Three
Stories and Tall Tales are inspired by the
local area and offer a trip down memory
lane, with today's amenities. Request
a room named after a local entity such
as Katharine Hepburn (while in Old
Saybrook, visit the Katharine Hepburn
Cultural Arts Center). The guesthouses'
rooms have plush beds with designer
linens, fireplaces, and some have tubs
with jets, and private balconies. And
the houses have some enticing extras:
kitchen, parlor, sitting room, poolroom,
den, deck with fire pit, open fireplaces
and original oil paintings. Tall Tales is
well-suited for group bookings, should
you require all 6 rooms for a special
occasion such as a wedding.
Another feature of these gorgeous
houses houses: they're part of the
property across the road-Saybrook
Point Inn & Spa. Located right on the
marina, the Inn's amenities will make your
weekend getaway a pleasure. Indulge in a
wonderful couples massage by the expert
women at Sanna Spa using Eminence
Organic Skincare products. Afterwards,
take a dip in the heated pool or relax in the
hot tub before heading to happy hour for
a pre-dinner drink at the Fire Bar. Dinner
at Fresh Salt is a must. True to its name,
the food is fresh, seasonal and mostly
locally sourced. Both the shellfish and the
service are hard to beat!
For an off-property sojourn, it's worth
a 25 minute drive to the nearby shoreline
town of Clinton, to Chamard vineyards
(chamard.com).
Established in 1983,
Chamard grows 20 acres of grapes on
property under the watchful eye of a
female winemaker, to produce awardwinning Estate Reserve wines, from fun
sparkling wines to bold reds. The winery
boasts a Tasting Room and bar with live
local music, plus the Bistro at Chamard,
which serves gourmet French-American
dishes using fresh, locally sourced
ingredients that pair perfectly with each
Chama rd wine. (saybrook.com) •
Legal arriage,
Honeymoons
and RomanticGetaways
www.highlandsinn-nh.com
1-877-LES-B-INN
Trip
Q t!
For 25 years,
the Women's
Traveller has
listed women's
clubs, resorts,
cruises, tours &
more, across the
US, Europe &
beyond.
call today for 20% off!
415/255-0404
Got iPhone?
Find Gurl Scout in iTunes.
www.damron.com
JUL/AUG
2016
CURVE
77
LAST LOOK/
CROSSWO
THE
L-OUIZ
Test your
lesbian knowledge
with our queer crossword.
BY MYLES MELLOR
ACROSS
1.
5.
9.
Arrested Development star,
name
32. Much loved alien, in film
Portia
34. Overgrown mouse
7.
Ray, of Indigo Girls
36. Feeling like vegging
My Drunk Kitchen star, goes
35. Creator of The Talk, Sara_
8.
Most huggable
38. Mimicking bird
with 5 down
37. Word before only
10. Cheerleader cry
39. SNL star,_
40. Purchase
Uh Huh Her keyboardist,
Camila
12. Police Lt. whose battle for
her partner's rights was
portrayed in Freeheld, _
Hester
13. Word after "She loves_"
14. Partner of 30 across, last
name
18. Made a catty noise
40.
Sony exec, Lauren_
42.
Wife of 40 across, first name
12. Jeans
41. Listener
43.
"Way to go!"
15. Partner of 16 down, Kristen
42. Windy City, for short
44.
What the goalie guards, in
soccer
16. Gossip singer-songwriter,
Beth
45. For example, abbr.
46.
But
17. Wimbledon contest, with
final
47. Documentary about
Stephanie Allynne and her
lover
18. Crazed
19. Partner of 23 across
20. Short skirt
21. Partner of 1 across, first
name
21. Time
DOWN
23. Grace and Frankie star, last
name
1.
Like a lot, in the '60s
22. Newport's state
2.
Regret
27. Bubbliness
3.
Like
29. Hawaiian wreath
24. Got a candle going
25. Symbol for nickel
4. "Not_
words
28. Skin softener
5.
See 5 across
33. Partner of 31 across, last
name
30. Fitness phenom, Jillian_
6.
Partner of 5 across, last
35. Kind of trip you don't want
JUL/AUG
2016
million years!" 2
31. The L Word star, first name
26. Previously known as
CURVE
McKinnon
11. A way to vote
48. The Ellen with Samantha
20. Cool cat's cry
78
to go on
LASTLOOK!STARS
Midsummer Magic
Temperatures rise as Mars sits with sultry Scorpio and Venus cuddles moody Cancer.
By Charlene Lichtenstein
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Mary Poppins author P.L. Travers
was born on August 9, 1899.
CANCER
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
You're a charmer with a mouth
that doesn't stop! Taureans
seem to know just what to
say to sweep a grrl off her
feet. But then what? Ready
to take things to their logical
conclusion? I suggest that
you plan your liaisons with an
eye toward creating a more
permanent relationship ... one
that lasts at least a month.
(June 22-July 23)
Sapphic Crabs are clever
gals when it comes to money
management. They have the
innate ability to make a little bit
of money go a long way and
tend to earn it in bits and pieces
from many small transactions.
She is not a wheeler-dealer stock
market trader with her stash,
however, preferring to put her
money where it's safe.
Not only do you want to
hang around the house in
your robes and slippers, you
wouldn't mind slipping along
with a comely companion. But
your surroundings may need
some sprucing up to make it
enticing. Consider anything
from a paint job to a fullfledged renovation. Get your
crib ready for a bevy of babes
and see who needs a spanking.
/
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
LEO
(July 24-Aug 23)
The Lioness has an uncanny
knack to make money, probably
because she gravitates towards
high profile careers. If she's bold,
pushy, confident and talented
enough, she can pull in the big
bucks with ease. She is her own
best self-promoter and can often
get even her meager efforts
recognized and rewarded.
/
/
/
You'll work hard for the money
all through the summer,
Gemini. So don't slack off and
expect to slide by on your
good looks. Your eyes are
larger than your bank account.
You not only earn, you also
burn right through it. Money
may not buy you happiness
but it could bring some
appreciative and acquisitive
gals to your den of iniquity.
Cancer (June 22-July 23)
Focus on whatever or whoever
piques your interest this
summer, Cancer. There will
1/,
be ample opportunities to
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is theauthor
meet, greet and sweep certain
A Guideto Astrology
of HerScopes:
ladies off their feet. Your social
(Simon& Schuster)
ForLesbians
calendar fills to overflowing as
nowavailable
asanebook
your flair for entertaining has
,I
tongues wagging. No matter
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes).
,I
80
CURVE
JUL/AUG
2016
how tired you may feel, rev
your engines and take flight.
Leo (July 24-Aug 23)
There is suspense and secret
lust lurking in the background
as you go about your usual
daily routines. Will you discover
a peach while you caress the
melons at the market? Or will
your exotic tastes be satisfied
at a new local hot spot?
Lionesses may not be calling
the shots this summer, but
giving it up to the fates might
lead to unexpected highs.
Virgo (Aug 24-Sept 23)
Gather a posse together
and see what mischief you
can create. There are lots of
exciting opportunities and
things to do in your own
neighborhood, Virgo. You don't
need to travel far to have fun
this summer. And who knows
if there is a new girlfriend or
two hanging out at a still-to-bediscovered dyke bar down the
street? The fun will be in the
seeking and discovering!
Libra (Sept 24-Oct 23)
Even if you're tempted to
take time off this summer,
don't. The next few weeks
will offer you a chance to
make a big career move and
earn lots more money. Libras
are naturally diplomatic and
charming. Now you have a
double dose of it. Use your
personal oil to grease the
corporate sharks. Then go
shark fishing.
Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)
Feeling bored, Scorpio? You
have no excuse to sit at home
and watch paint dry. Your
personality is on sizzling hot
and your ability to schmooze
anyone into anything is at
a high point. Expand your
horizons, get out of your
comfort zone and explore the
unusual, unique and foreign
all through the summer. Hmm,
anyone we know?
Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)
Upend convention, Sagittarius,
and do something (or
someone) surprising and out
of the ordinary. It will have
a powerful impact on your
personal outlook and sexual
confidence.Yourchances
for success are great, your
instincts are on target and
you are one sexy babe ready
for action. So sneak up and
take the bull by her horns this
summer.
Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)
Girlfriends may go head to
head with gal pals this summer
in vying for your attention and
affection. Who will win your
heart, Capricorn? Try and
balance all relationships, giving
enough quality time to each. A
summer romance is possible
for those with a wandering
eye. Will it turn into a beautiful
friendship or something more
torrid? I guess we will just see.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)
Don't even think of relaxing this
summer, Aqueerius. There are
those who rely on you for your
sage advice. There are others
who need your expertise and
guidance. And there are others
still who need your gumption,
grit and hard work to get
things done. You have a lot on
your plate that needs to get
done before the weather cools
down. Plan on being cool later.
"It will give you
goosebumps"
-AfterEllen.com
PACKED™
A1~VN1\
When writer-director Jane Anderson (HBO's Normal, If These Walls
EDITH LA.KET WILKINSON
Could Talk2) learns her great-aunt Edith was put in an asylum for being
a lesbian, she set out to learn about the woman whose beautiful
paintings (rescued from a dusty trunk) had inspired her
own career, and to have Edith's work recognized in
the art world.
11
Genuinely moving ...
tells an eye-opening story."
- The Hollywood Reporter
'' UDIENCE
WINNERr)~
AWARD
EST
DOCUMENTARY
ROVINCETOWN
INT'L
FILM
FEST
start to finish this film takes you on a
unique voyage of self-acceptance.
"From
11
-AfterEllen.com
Indian writer/director Shonali Bose
beautifully portrays the story of a
luminous Indian teenager with cerebral
palsy who leaves her homeland to study
in New York, falls in love with a young
blind woman, and begins a remarkable
journey to self-discovery and
independence. Hindi& Englishwithsubtitles.
lntriguing
and enjoyable.
11
11
- Screen International
\\ it took was the firs
tiff
toronto
international
• film festival®
BEST FILM- NETPAC
11
'' UDIENCE
WINNER~~
AWARD
BEST
FEATURE
RAMEUNE,
SAN
FRANCISCO
LGBT
FILM
FESTIVAL
Should resonate with
audiences worldwide/' - vARIETv
An inspirational drama about four ordinary
women who, through their mutual
friendship, find the strength to break out of
the traditions of servitude they were born
into. HindiwithEnglishsubtitles.
*Please note: This title is not specifically
lesbian, but an amazing story of women
finding empowerment through their bonds
with each other. We know you will enjoy it.
"One of the most honest,uncompromising
portrayalsof femalefriendship
I've ever seenon screen." - BROADLY
'' WINNER:)'-'
DIENCE
AWARD
BEST
FILM
INDIAN
FILM
FESTIVAL
OFLOS
ANGELES
Wolfe·
WolfeVideo.com/WolfeOnDemand.com
Yourtrustedcommunitysourcefor LGBTmovies
2017 C300 Coupe shown in Cardinal Red metallic paint with optional equipment. ©2016 Mercedes-Benz USA, LLC
For more information, call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES, or visit MBUSA.com.
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